On Purpose with Jay Shetty - What the Joker Gets Right & Wrong About Mental Health and 7 Ways We Can Improve Ours

Episode Date: October 18, 2019

Have you seen The Joker? This film fascinated me. I’ve been through moments of depression and really low-points, so I watched it from the perspective of a student of mental health. My favorite quote from the film was, “The worst part about having a mental illness is that people expect you to behave as if you don’t.” Have you ever felt this? In this episode, I want to help break the stigma of mental health and give you the tools to improve yours. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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For me, the movie really exposed our general lack of empathy and consideration towards others who are different from us or those who are mentally challenged. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. My name is Jay Shetty and today's podcast is all about what the Joker gets right and wrong about mental health and seven ways we can improve hours. Now you don't have to have seen the Joker to listen to this podcast. You don't have to have wanted to watch the movie. You don't have to have seen the movie already. You don't have to have seen the Joker to listen to this podcast. You don't have to have wanted to watch the movie. You don't have to have seen the movie already. You don't have to watch it afterwards.

This podcast is really focused on how we can improve our mental health, how we can take care of ourselves better. I was just writing about this this morning. I was thinking that when our body gets tired, we usually sleep. But when our mind gets tired, what do we do? We eat, drink, we party, we try too hard, we stay up late looking for that entertainment, we watch a show on TV,

or we watch some show on some digital channel, like we don't rest. And this is one of our biggest challenges. So today I'm going to do something a little different. And for those of you who listen closely, you know I absolutely love movies. Like love movies, I always, always have, especially movies with meaning,

movies with messages, movies with interesting characters, with fascinating plots, and deeper insights behind them. I love breaking down analyzing movies, trying to understand them from multiple perspectives, trying to understand them from different lenses and viewpoints.

And for those of you, but really, really closely listening, my favorite movies are by a director named Christopher Nolan. Now, if you don't recognize the name, you'll probably recognize some of these movies. So he's the incredible mind behind the prestige, he's behind the memento, he's behind inception, he's behind the dark night trilogy, right? One of the best movies of all time into stellar, if you love that too. And what I love about all of these movies is that they all have surprises. They all have very thought-provoking and deeper messages. And the plot has been created in a way to give us insights into ourselves.

So when you look at inception, you start reflecting on what is reality and what is a dream. And are we all lost within a dream, within a dream, within a dream? When you look at memento, you look at the fascination or on memory and who we trust. When you watch the prestige, you look at competition and how comparison can eat you alive. When you look at the dark night trilogy, you look at how good becomes bad and bad becomes good and perception affects each and every single one of us. And you look at interstellar and you look at our search for survival, our search for meaning, our search for, you know, making sure that we lost. So there are so many amazing concepts in movies. And I wanted to try this out. And you may say, Jay, you know, let's see how it goes. And so this is me experimenting with you all. You are my community. I love

each and every one of you. I'm grateful for each and every one of you. And I want to share with you my opinions and thoughts on certain topics and themes that are coming up in the world. And a lot of you are saying this to me. I've been sharing this. I watched Joker on the opening weekend. And I've been sharing this with so many people offline. And literally everyone I shared it with was like,

Jay, you need to turn this into a podcast. So I've been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks or whatever it's been. And everyone's been saying, Jay, you need to make this into a podcast. So I've been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks or whatever it's been. And everyone's been saying, Jay, you need to make this into a podcast. So here it is, right? This is what I've been sharing. And people found it useful.

So I'm recording it for each and every single one of you today. And the beautiful thing about this is when I first started speaking at universities now 14 years ago, I used to select a movie every week and dissect the characters, the plot and the themes. So if you like this, I'll to select a movie every week and dissect the characters, the plot and the themes. So if you like this, I'll do it a lot more. I've been wanting to watch this movie again and again so I can analyze it further, but

I really, really hope you enjoy this different take on our Friday podcast. And like I said, again, do not worry if you haven't seen the movie. There are spoilers in this podcast. If you are going to go and watch the movie, you can still watch it. I'm not gonna give everything away. But like I said, Joker is not by Christopher Nolan. It's by Todd Phillips. And I went to see it on the opening weekend.

And if I'm completely honest, before I went to watch it, I was actually slightly anxious about seeing it because I'm not a big fan of horror movies or scary movies or movies that are trying to just trying to scare you and get you out of your seat. Now, I prefer thought-provoking thrillers, right? Then just movies that scare you a little and keep you up and night and make you wonder why you're still awake. And Joker performed extremely, extremely well at the box office, right? It did unbelievably, unbelievably well.

But I didn't go as a comic fan, a Batman fan, which I am, or a thriller junkie. I went as a student of mental health. I went as a student of mental health and people's origin stories. I went there as someone who's been through moments of depression and really low points in my life. And I wanted to understand, and I wanted to hear more about how this particular story has

those messages within them. And I'm totally fascinated by how people get to where they get to. So this is the perspective I went with. And when I'm watching a TV show or a movie when I'm really in the zone, I don't do this with every single movie I watch, but I try and watch it as a student about what I can learn, what I can grasp and how this is going to help me learn and move forward and expand my mind. I was also slightly anxious about the movie because it'd been given an R rating and I don't love movies with loads of foul language, which is blood for no reason and violence for no reason. It's not, that's,

you know, I don't feel attracted to watching things like that at all, but I was going there again as a student of mental health. So I convinced myself that I should go. So that was the reason I went and I want you all to know that I was trying to convince myself the whole time because I keep reading reviews and people saying it's gory and blood and I was like, well, why do I want to watch that?

But I went there thinking maybe there's something here that we really interesting for me and my perspective. Now I want to start off with what I feel the movie doesn't do as well first, because I think it's important for you to understand what I think it kind of misses. And again, I'm not saying that this is perfectly right or wrong, but I've looked at some perspectives of some therapists, some psychologists and people as well to see what kind of fits and what doesn't. Now, one of the things that the movie doesn't get right, and I'm definitely not endorsing as a, you know, like a specific telling a mental illness, is that, you know, the movie obviously shows

how mental illness and mental health challenges can lead to extreme violence. And that parallel just isn't factual. That parallel isn't grounded in research or fact or studies. It can be a factor, but for most people who are struggling with a mental health challenge or a mental illness, they're more likely to be of concern to themselves than they are to other people. And I think this is a really important distinction to make that we shouldn't watch this movie

and now all of a sudden feel that, oh my God, that mental health leads to people becoming violent. And you see that across the movie, of course, you see that in the movie of the telling of this background story of the Joker and the struggles that he went through as a young child, as he got older, the pain that he goes through, which I'll touch on a bit later. But we shouldn't start thinking that there's this parallel and we don't want that perception to get out there because it just adds to the stigma, right?

There's already a stigma that we're all breaking, right? We're all breaking around mental health and we want people to feel more comfortable talking about it just like we do our physical health. Like if you break your ankle, if you dislocate your wrist, if any of that kind of physical stuff, you don't feel scared to tell people about it, right? You wouldn't be hiding that. You wouldn't think, oh no, I'm gonna get judged

for breaking my ankle. I'm not gonna tell anyone, right? You would never think that. You would never think, oh, I've dislocated my wrist. Let's let me hide my cast. Like I'm not gonna show anyone. right? You would never think that. You would never think, oh, I've dislocated my wrist. Let me hide my cast. Like, I'm not gonna show anyone. You would never do that with a physical challenge, but when it's a mental challenge,

we have this stigma we think. Oh no, no one should know. I can't tell anyone. I'm gonna get judged for this. People are gonna think I'm weak. People are gonna think I'm not strong enough, right? Like, we do have all of these things that come up in our minds and

therefore I think it's so important that we break this stigma around mental health and one of those biggest things is we don't want people now to believe, oh yeah, mental health makes you violent. So that's something that I really wanted to address upfront. And the second thing I wanted to address upfront is that we shouldn't assume that those who are struggling with mental health are dangerous or are going to create dangerous movements. We now don't want to create that perception around people and now we start looking at them as dangerous. When we see someone who is struggling with mental health, we now look at them as someone

who could harm us or someone that could potentially put us in jeopardy or in danger, right? We don't wanna have that perspective because again, it pushes us away, it distances us from the humanity in that person. And I almost feel like, I don't think the movie was trying to do this, like I don't think, I don't think, and this is my opinion, I don't think the movie was trying to make us think either of those things,

but I'm just putting it out there up front and clarifying them because I do believe that they're important distinctions to make. I actually think the movie was trying to show us that this distance that we create through these ways with people who are going to mental health are issues, right? Because if you think someone is dangerous, you now create a distance with them. If you think that someone who is mental health could become violent, you now create a distance with them. And actually, it's that distance that pushes them in the wrong directions, right?

Is when you're, when you think you're going in a different direction to someone and you push them in the other direction, well, that's what's happening, right? If you're going in the right direction, you're not pushing that person away into a direction that may not be best for them. So when you listen to the rest of this episode, please take those two points into consideration. Like I said, I'm just analyzing this from my perspective about what I took away from the movie. This is not a rigorous breakdown of each, you know, challenging the movie or mental health or any of that. This is this is my opinion

of how I saw this and a perspective that I believe is truly useful. And some of the tips around mental health that I also got to share on the today show last week, I was invited onto the today show in New York on World Mental Health Day to speak about some of these things, but I wanted to speak about them in depth. And, you know, on the today show I was live for about four and a half minutes, five minutes, which was really fun because Carson Daly and Craig Melbourne were so awesome at really having a genuine sincere conversation about mental health.

But what you're going to hear is here are, you know, seven actual proven ways and methods that I think can really improve our mental health, things that we can do every single day. So whether you are proactive about your mental health or reactive about your mental health, these are going to work for you. I'm Mungeshia Tikhler, and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology,

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I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast City of the Rails. I plunged into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm gonna end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society, off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The Rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call

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diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leaf-healing amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So here's my opinion about how I saw the movie. Here starts the spoilers, by the way. So the Joker is obviously an aspiring stand-up comedian. And I thought that was fascinating too, because we've seen so often that those who sometimes

turn to comedy or humor may actually be hiding something within that, right? And we've seen that in our life, that doesn't mean every comedian, but we see that as a theme about how so many of us, even in our personal lives, even if we're not comedians, we use humor as a way of hiding our true feelings. So the Joker is an aspiring stand-up comedian, and I think this is a lesson overall to all of us that, you know, whatever is your protection mechanism, right? Whatever's your protective mechanism, whether it's humor, whether it's sarcasm,

whether it's dry humor, whether it's whatever it may be, it's so important for us to just become aware of that. I want us to become aware of what we think is protecting us, but it's actually weakening us. So we think it's protecting us, but it's weakening us. And this is kind of like wearing a false armor. Imagine wearing a false bulletproof jacket, like a fake one that you just bought from the dollar store. You just bought this fake bulletproof jacket. You think it's going to protect you, but actually a bullet would pierce through it. That's what a fake protective mechanism is of humor or sarcasm, whatever it is.

You think it's protecting you, but actually it's not because you're not dealing with the real issue. So I would just become aware of whatever it is that you think is your protective mechanism that isn't really protecting you. And just be aware of that and recognize that and recognize that at some point when you're comfortable, you're going to have to speak about that. You're going to have to share that when you feel comfortable, point when you're comfortable, you're going to have to speak about that. You're going to have to share that. When you feel comfortable, not when you're forced,

not when you're pushed, not anyone makes you, when you genuinely feel that you're ready to share that with someone else that you trust, someone that you know well. Now, the Joker carries a notebook in which he writes lots of jokes and reflections and things that he's preparing that hopefully I'll get to stay on stage one day.

And there's one of them in the book that you see when he's flipping, so one of them that's in the movie, that's inside the book when he's flipping through. And it really stuck with me, right? It really, really stuck with me. I think it said so well. And the character Arthur Fleck, who is the name of the Joker and before he becomes the Joker in the movie, he writes, listen to this carefully. The worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't. The worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as you don't. Now I thought that this was really clear for so many people, right?

I think that this was somewhat spot on. How many of you have ever felt that in the workplace where you're surrounded by people, they may even know that you have some sort of mental challenge, but you kind of expect it to act as if it doesn't even exist, right? You're almost as if it's ignored in the workplace or someone like that, or maybe with your friends, right? Attention or ATTN, the video company made a fantastic video a few

years ago that said, what if we talk to people with physical challenges the same way as we do with people with mental challenges? So stick with me. For example, if someone broke their leg and you said to them, don't worry, you'll get over it, right? Or someone has their arm in a sling and you say, just think positive, just be positive. It will get better. Or often because we can't see someone struggling with mental health, we expect them to act like they don't, right? And because it's invisible to us to some degree as well and invisible to other people, it's not even there for it's not like people, you know, it's not like people are not caring.

It's just that we're less caring when we can't see something right. You don't know what someone is going through. I, you know, I find out, I find out things about people all the time. Like when you meet them, you think that they're rude, you think that they're egotistical, you think that they're weird or closed off for whatever it is. And then you find out that they lost a child,

you then find out that they lost their job, you then found out that they just lost a parent, right? You know, you find out all these things afterwards and you think, oh, I get it now, right? But because those things are invisible and same with it, we're with a mental challenge, whatever it may be, with mental health, it feels invisible, not only to that person, but also the people perceiving you that they almost act as if you don't have one. And therefore, your expected act is if you don't have one. So I don't want us to judge people who may not be more empathetic or conscious.

I want us to open up our minds as to why there may be like that. And that also helps us understand how whenever we meet someone, whenever we greet someone, whenever we see someone, we can really genuinely approach them with a bit of empathy, cut them a bit of slack, give them a bit of space, and open up to the fact that they may have a lot going on, which you don't see. And I think if we get approached every conversation, every interaction, every opportunity for communication with this mindset that this person, they're meeting, they may not be at their best. So let me not judge them at their worst.

Right. They may not be at their best. So don't let me judge them at their worst. I'm sure none of us would like to be judged at our worst. And you've turned up somewhere and you've been tired. You've been sad. You've been heartbroken, whatever it may be. You've had something going on. And the last thing you want is that you are now being perceived or seen as someone who's lazy, who's not focused, who doesn't care, right? You wouldn't want that. Now I talked about this on the today's show as well that, and I know that the sentiment is shared by many people right now, that we should start talking about our mental health in the same ways we talk about our physical health right going to a workshop or therapy should be seen as the same is going to a workout or a personal trainer. We have the gym for the body but we need a gym for the mind as well right it's about staying fit in both ways the mind is a muscle and it needs to rest, refuel, build,

and renew just like the body. Not only reactively when we have a challenge, and the truth is that both our physical and mental health are intertwined, our mental effects are physical and our physical effects are mental. So we have to talk about them together. And I think that statement from the movie really brought about this conversation. And that's what we're really seeing happening about this movie is that it's really dialing up a conversation around mental health, which I think is a really positive thing because it's getting us to put it in the forefront, put it in the mainstream and start having this discussion.

Now for me, the movie really exposed this is what I really took away. Like when I walked out of the theatre, this is what I was sharing with my friends and people that I was meeting and anyone that saw the movie. And I think a lot of people said to me, like, oh wow, I didn't think of it like that. Or that didn't, that wasn't the first thing that came to my mind because I think the violence and the some of the blood and all that kind of stuff takes over. But for me, the movie really exposed our general lack of empathy and consideration towards others who are different from us,

or those who are mentally challenged. Right, this movie really exposed that to me. You see countless occasions where the Joker is beaten. Right, beaten by people from different demographics Countless occasions where the Joker is beaten, right? Beaten by people from different demographics and backgrounds, different beaten by some kids on the street, beaten by some people from Wall Street, right? People from the street and people on Wall Street. Right, you're seeing two different classes of people,

two different spectrums of people, two people on different ends of the spectrum of people, mistreating the same person, which exposed me to the fact of our lack of empathy and consideration towards others who are different from us or we may see as mentally challenged or whatever it may be, and he's ridiculed, and he's mocked, far before he does anything violent, he's ridiculed and he's mocked far before he does anything violent, right?

He's ridiculed and mocked and he's ridiculed and mocked for this condition that he has that forces him to laugh hysterically when he's in an awkward position, which he can't control, which seems like one of the hardest things to deal with and go through because you're now even more awkward in that scenario in a sad you know, in a sad way for him. And so I really looked at that. I was just thinking that here's an individual who wasn't intending to do anything wrong. Here's an individual who wasn't intending to do anything negative or bad. And they're just pushed over the edge again and again and again because

someone and someone else is treating them with a lack of respect. And I do believe that this exclusion and treatment of others is the thing that needs to change. And it, you know, this is really interesting. Listen to this really, really carefully. Our intention is not because we don't want them to be violent or evil. That's not the point, right? I'm not saying we should be nicer to people because we don't want them to become psychopaths. Like that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is,

why can't we just be kinder to people? In this week's episode, on the podcast, we had a Chloe Kardashian and we talked about this thing about being 5% happier, right? Sorry, 5% kinder. And it's just like, yeah, like this isn't about, let's be kinder because we're scared about our safety. It's like, why wouldn't we be just kind to someone because they're having a tough day? Why wouldn't we just be kind to someone

because there's someone that may need it? Why not just be kind to someone because that brings out the best in us? See, our reason is that they're humans just like us. And why treat anyone with less respect? Would we want our parents treated like that? Would we want our children treated like that? Would we want our sisters or brothers or mothers or fathers treated like that? Would we want anyone treated like that? And the movie really, before it gets into the latter stages,

where the Joker becomes the character that we all have known over the years, the Joker seems like a sincere person, taking care of his mother with dreams, just like all of us, and trying to do his jobs with the best of his ability. But he keeps getting rejected by people. And this can sometimes be reflected in our treatment of the homeless or people struggling at work, or maybe even someone who's

externally, it's invisible again, right? Like it may just be invisible to someone at work who's different from us. They study differently. Maybe they have a different fashion sense or a weird style or maybe they wear a weird pair of glasses or maybe they give weird presentations or whatever it is like Someone is different and what is the definition of weird? It's just different right we count something is weird, but You know if aliens turned up on the planet tomorrow They might think we're all weird because we sit inside these metal Tools to move around and we stay glued to these devices in front of us every day.

And, you know, like they think we're weird. And so what is weird? Weird just means different. So why is it that when we see someone different, we treat them differently? Right? And it goes such a long way. You literally could save someone's life. such a long way, you literally could save someone's life. Or, and I'm not putting on, it's not overwhelming pressure, but we have to realize that our words do matter. Our actions do matter. You may say something in passing, but that person may take it so seriously,

because they may be in a place where they don't know how to process that. And similarly with you, you may be in such a tough situation today and someone says something and it tips you over the edge and your edge may not be to do something really, really violent, but your edge may be just to shout at your partner or shout at your child, right? Even that. That's what I'm talking about. That yes, the movie takes it to another extreme and we don't want anyone to walk down

that path. Of course And we don't want anyone to walk down that path. Of course we don't, but in our own lives, our own extreme is tested when we're having a tough day and someone tips us over the edge. And like I said, our edge could just be, you know, shouting at someone we love or reacting badly to something that happened. And we don't even wanna go to that degree. And I get, you know, and I'm really great from fortunate,

but at the same time, it's hard because I get messages all the time saying, you know, Jay, your video stopped me from committing suicide or your video saved me from depression or your video helped me get through my breakup on my divorce. And I think, wow, like something that I recorded without knowing that is having that impact on someone, right? When I'm creating a video, I don't know, I didn't know when I first started creating videos that it would reach anyone who was struggling

to that degree, but it just makes you realize that words travel. Words have energy. Our emotions, what we give to people, we're trading and exchanging energy all at the time. And I think if we can be that 5% kind of, if we can be that much more conscious, if we can be that much more caring for ourselves and for others. And this is my true belief that the more we all do it for others, the more we'll do it for ourselves and the more we do it for ourselves,

the more we do it for others, right? When you become 5% kinder to yourself, you'll see that shift in what you give out. And when you become 5% kinder to others, you'll then be kinder to yourself as well. And if we realize that how we talk to people about people, treated people, could have an impact on them, and it does, this makes us realize that we matter to, right? We're not insignificant. It also boosts our self-esteem when we recognize that the way we talk to people

actually contributes to their well-being. That makes you realize how powerful you are and how incredible you are and your self-esteem and your significance because your words and actions do matter. And I want you to start living like that because you'll see they do matter. like that because you see their doom at the Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called inner cosmos on iHeart I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University And I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities.

Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagelman on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them, continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. Something was gnawing at me that I couldn't put my finger on, that I just felt somehow that there

was a piece missing. Why not restart? Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you'll get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions

of ourselves. Here we have the conversations that help Black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do when a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. And I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. or wherever you get your podcasts, take good care.

I literally wasn't gonna call this morning and it was my first call of the day and I am a morning person and I got on the phone and I was literally like, hey, how's it going? Like I had all this energy and they were like, oh, Jay, you sound really happy and energetic right now. And I was like, yeah, I'm just, you know,

I'm, you know, you're my first call of the morning and I'm a morning person and I'm well rested and everything else. And they can feel that energy. And when you live like that, you start realizing how beautiful it is. So what the movie forces us to do is take a deep dive into one person's life and journey. When we meet someone, we rarely get a moment to wonder how they got there. We look at them as they are right now. We make a judgment based on how they behave, and that's how they're usually labeled for us. But when you recognize that, wow, this person went through physical abuse, this person went through childhood trauma, this person may have went through parental lying and manipulation. This person came from an adoption agency.

You start to have more empathy and this isn't sympathy. It's not about feeling sorry for them. It's just that you now have a context of a story. When you see a story in one tiny moment, you don't, you know, you don't know anything about that person. You judge them based on that snapshot. You know, this don't know anything about that person. You judge them based on that snapshot. You know, this doesn't justify their negative behavior, right? This isn't saying like, oh, because someone's been through paying they're allowed to do mean things to other people.

That's not what I'm saying, but you at least have context and perspective. And I know that nine times out of 10, I've become far more understanding of someone when I hear their story. And the movie also showed that he didn't really have anyone in his life to give him habits of happiness. He didn't really have anyone in his life

to provide him with a connection, to give him a sense of community, to give him a sense of support, right? It was, you know, it was true that funding was dropping from the mental health support he was getting from the local services, but he didn't have the opportunity to turn to books or a podcast or any sort of community to support him. And sometimes it's available, it's available for everyone, but no one, not everyone has access or has a community that gives them that access. So what I want to share with you today, which I believe is,

is really, really important. These are the seven habits of happiness that can help us actually move away from our neglect of our mental health and actually allow us to take care of our mental health. So now, how do we stop making it invisible, make it visible for ourselves so that we can learn to support ourselves? So this is number one, right? This is the first thing I want you to think about, because I want to focus on what I believe is something

that could really, really make an impact straight away, right? Like really, really straight away. I even asked Carson Daly and Craig on the Today's House, how much do you sleep per night? And I think both of them gave an answer between six to seven hours. And the truth is in the US, that 35% of adults don't get enough sleep, right? 35% of people sleep less than seven hours a day. And the recommended amount is seven to nine hours every night. And that's a high percentage not getting enough. Now, I know that if you're a parent, you work a night shift, I get it. I get it. But the point is to get the right amount of rest for

yourself. For those of us who can especially, right? The key is really sleeping earlier. We think that that show is going to help us decompress, but sleep will do so much more than another episode. And the other thing, as I've spoken about before to you is don't wake up to your phone. Please, please, please, please, don't wake up to your phone. You know, give yourself that time for your mind to slowly get ready for the day. Don't force it and push it to get ready for the day. The second one is we all struggle with a lack of self-esteem and significance as I talked about and how we feel about ourselves and how we talk to ourselves are two really important things.

We often feel like we have nothing to offer, that we have no value, right? The best way of getting around this, and is one of my favorite favorite things that I highly recommend is that the best antidote is learning something new every day. It could be learning the tiniest thing, right? It may be learning a new word every day. It could be learning a new city or a new place. It could be learning about a new culture, right? And so I started doing this last week and I've been talking about this word because I really, really like it. And I wanted to share the definition with you. So I started learning new words

because I love expanding my vocabulary. And this was one word that I learned last week. It's called Quarencia, a place from which one strength is drawn where one feels at home. The place where you are your most authentic self, Quarencia, and its origin is supposedly in the origin of Spanish. And I just think, wow, what a beautiful word. Now, when I say that to people, when I'm in a conversation,

or I'm at a dinner, and I'm like, and they're like, well, what have you been up to lately? I'm like, oh, I've been learning a new word, right? I just learned about this amazing word. It's a place from which one strength is drawn, where one feels at home, the place where you are your most authentic self. And then that turns into a conversation because then it's like, well, where do you feel you draw your strength?

Where do you feel most at home? You've now sparked a great dinner conversation with so much more depth rather than just small talk or gossip. And it's all come because you've learned a new word. You've learned a new city. You've learned a new place. You've learned about a new culture. And what this does is that it immediately boosts your self confidence. Most of us do not feel that we're learning something every day. And if you think about it, even when you're at school, at least you were learning something, but since we've left, we're not necessarily learning anything.

And learning is directly correlated with the boost in self-confidence, self-esteem, and therefore supporting our mental health. So whatever you're going to learn every day, whether it's a joke, it doesn't have to be a big skill, right? I think that's the pressure we say, okay, I'm going to learn how to speak a new language. It's too big. You may fail or may not work. It may take time. You may say, I'm going to learn a new language. It's too big, you may fail or may not work, it may take time, you may say,

I'm gonna learn a new instrument, same thing, but if you're saying, I'm just gonna learn a new word every day, I'm gonna learn about a new city, right? I'm gonna learn about a new historical event, right? Those are things that you can read and learn about every single day. Now, my third principle that a lot of you deeply resonated with and this is one of my best habits for happiness

that I really, really want to share with you. It's a method called spot stop swap. Right, first we have to spot why, when, and where we have negative thoughts throughout the day. Right, if you look at the movie, the Joker, there were specific times in the day where he had these negative thoughts. We have to look for the patterns. Then we have to stop ourselves from being in those environments, being in those places, or around those people again. The only

way to truly do that is to swap, to upgrade to something better and higher. So for example, we may have our negative thoughts, right? That I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm not going anywhere. And you may notice, right? So you notice that thought. First, you notice that thought.

You spot that thought that I have a thought that I'm stuck. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. The second thing you want to do is you want to stop Being in the places that make you feel that way and you may say well when you know Where am I that I usually feel that and you're like oh when I'm browsing through social media looking at everyone else's Perfect timelines. Let me limit my time on social media But hey, wait a minute. I'm not just going to be able to limit my time on social media. That's hard

I need to swap To something higher. So now I'm going to use that time to start a class or read a book. I'm going to use that time to listen to a podcast. I'm going to use my time productively and wisely instead of being in that environment. What's the smallest step you can take today to gain some priority, right?

So spot, stop, swap. It's really simple. You can remember that. Keep asking yourself, what are the thoughts, the negative thoughts that I'm spotting? What am I going to stop? And how am I going to swap them? Now, number four, I genuinely believe, and we've seen this in so many studies and books, in spirituality that I believe stress is usually about something in the future or something in the past. So, the best way to being present, and there are two ways that I really love that I learned

during my monk training, but I've also seen these in modern psychology, and I've seen therapists teach them as well. And the first thing is called five, four, three, two, one. Right? So when you're feeling an amount of stress, an amount of anxiety, an amount of nerves, so this is what you want to do. You want to find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste, right? So that's five things you can see, four things you can touch, and do it right now. I know you're not stressed out,

I know you're not anxious. This is when you practice, do it right now. I know you're not stressed out. I know you're not anxious. This is when you practice, right? This is the key when you're not stressed out. When you're not anxious, this is when you practice. So right now, when you just five things you can see. So right now, I'm going to tell you, I can see my clock, I can see my book, I can see my tripod, I can see my laptop, and I can see a picture frame. Right, there's a five things that I can see. Four things I can touch. I can touch my microphone, I can touch my table, I can touch my laptop, and I can touch my bottle of water that I have sitting

next to me. Now, three things I can hear. This is going to be hard. I can hear a car horn outside. I can hear my wife on a phone in the other room, and I can hear white noise. I can hear some sort of white noise, so I can even hear my own voice. And then two things you can smell. That's hard, right? Just random air. Maybe I've got a nice diffuser outside. And then one thing you can taste, and it may just be, I could taste my breakfast. I can taste some oatmeal. The point is, what this does is that it's called grounding or centering, right? It's a principle known as grounding or centering. And I've heard many people mention this before. And what it does is it brings you back into the present moment.

It grounds you, it centers you. And then after having done that, I really recommend using that one. It's really powerful. And then after doing that, I usually align with my breath. So what I mean by that is I breathe in for the same amount of time as I breathe out. It could be breathing in for three seconds, four seconds, breathing out for the same time

and counting my breath, four in, one, two, three, four, and breathing out and counting for one, two, three, four. In your own time, at your own pace, inhaling and exhaling to an organic, natural count of one to three or one to four. What that's doing is that it's bringing your mind and body back into alignment. We feel pressure and stress and anxiety when our body is ahead of our mind. How many times have you experienced that? Well your body is wasting it trying to do so much and your mind's like I'm still in bed right?

Raise your hand right now, nod right now, right? We've all been there. Well how many times have you had the opposite? Well your mind's racing trying to do so much and your body's like I'm so tired, right? So we experience this whereas when you breathe in for the same amount of time as you breathe out, and you count with the numbers in your mind, with your physical breath, you're now aligning the body and mind. Right? You're aligning the body and mind.

So those are two brilliant techniques for in the moment stress and nerves that you can test, that you can use, that you can practice for grounding, and then for aligning, right? That's what we're doing. They were doing grounding and then aligning. Now, number five, this is probably one of my favorite ones, and I really, really hope you're going to do this today. This is share some gratitude with someone today.

Send them a message, write a letter. When you recognize someone has been good to you, it boosts your self-esteem because why you now realize people love you and people care for you. When you're grateful and you think, like when I'm grateful, when I think about each one of you, every single week, hundreds of thousands of you, hundreds of thousands of you, download and listen to the podcast every single week, right? And I'm so grateful for that. And then that makes me boost myself as

team of confidence that I have something to offer and remember all of you have that in your life. You have someone to thank you have someone to be grateful for for something that makes you feel cared like when I'm grateful that my wife CrixD is amazing meals for me. When I'm grateful that my friend was about to take a flight but had time to come and see me. You know when I'm grateful that a guest decided to come on my podcast, whatever it may be, it could be smaller, big, whatever it is. The point is when you're grateful, it actually boosts yourself a steam and you realize people care about you.

The second thing you do is you also reinforce that behavior for them so they can repeat it to others as well. So please, please, please, and share a real note, a letter, a message of gratitude today, right? It will be huge. I promise. Now, number six, go outdoors, spend time in green spaces, they lower stress, low as your blood pressure, low as your heart rate, spend some time outdoors, even if it's a walk in between work, maybe it's a walk after lunch, these kind of simple habits will have a huge impact.

Take your shoes off, walk barefoot on the grass, if you can. And number seven, this is something that has been revolutionizing the way I think about this. So we've all constantly heard that, spend time with positive people, spend time with good people, spend time with people who bring out the best in you. And I realized, I was like, that's not enough.

It doesn't make sense, because it's not just about spending time, because then you feel good when you're with them, but then when you walk away, you don't feel good, have you ever had that experience, right? You've had that before in your life. We experienced that all the time, right?

We go through that all the time. And so it's not just about spending time with someone you love weekly. It's growing with someone you love weekly. Choose one person, it could be the same person every week or a different person every week, whatever works for you, and go to a class with them, do an activity with them, right? Go to a workshop with them, read a book together with them. Choose to grow with someone weekly, not just know someone weekly, grow with them weekly. Right? Social connection needs to a longer life. It helps you recover from diseases faster, but this isn't just going to a bar or being around people

because you can be around people and still feel lonely. It has to be a meaningful conversation connection. One-to-one, face-to-face, a hug, a hug, human touch. These are huge for mental health and most importantly, growing together. That's going to deepen your bond. It's going to help you have a stronger relationship and a better foundation to a really powerful friendship. These are the seven ways that you can improve your mental health. This is what I learned learned a few things that learned

that stood out from the Joker and a few things that didn't that I wanted to clarify. I really hope you enjoyed this episode. I can't wait to see your feedback on this one. Like I said, it's an experiment. It's something new. It's me sharing my deep opinions with you about something that I've seen.

My, I was sharing this a lot offline with friends. They said you have to share it, Jay. You have to share it on your podcast. They found it valuable. I really hope you have too. I look forward to seeing your Instagram comments. I look forward to seeing your tweets. I look forward to seeing all your feedback.

Please, please, please, leave a review. If you haven't already, if you're a subscriber, thank you so much. If you've subscribed, leave a review. If you've done that, then you're amazing. Thank you so much. Keep supporting. But please, please, please leave a review.

We now nearly have 10,000 reviews, and they all mean so much to me. Thanks for listening to On purpose. My name's Jay Sherry, and I'll see you soon. I can't wait for you to hear the next episode. I am Yom Le Van Zant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. Does y'all are just flopping around like fish out of water? Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more.

Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart video app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. Twenty-five years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression,

and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The one you feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple podcasts. Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be

better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.