On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Why Rejection Hurts and 6 Ways to Gracefully Deal With it

Episode Date: July 12, 2019

Rejection is probably one of the worst feelings you could ever have, it honestly feels like a punch in the stomach. Regardless of how successful someone seems, we’ve all experienced it at some point... or another in our lives.Whether it’s in the workplace or in our personal lives, it never feels good and we don’t always know the best way to handle it. In this week's episode, I did the research and share 6 ways you can start to gracefully deal with rejection in any situation.I show you what I call the rule of 100, why you shouldn’t be seeking revenge and how you can turn rejection into redirection. This is an important skill we should all learn how to master so make sure you listen carefully and take notes!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm Eva Longoria. And I'm Maite Gomes-Rajon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry For History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two
Starting point is 00:00:20 for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry For History on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Conquer your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast Podcast in each bite-sized daily episode. Time management and productivity expert, Laura Vandercam teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home.
Starting point is 00:00:44 These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day. Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to Before Breakfast on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how
Starting point is 00:01:20 your brain steers your behavior, your perception and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the IHART Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. If you knock on one door, it's likely it won't open. If you knock on 100 doors, maybe 102 will open. If you knock on 200 doors, maybe two to four will open. If you knock on 300 doors, maybe three to six will open. If you knock on 300 doors, maybe 3 to 6 will open.
Starting point is 00:01:45 But being scared of rejection, stops us from knocking. And because it stops us from knocking, it also stops us from success. Welcome to on purpose, the number one health and well-being podcast in the world, because of you. Right? It's only world because of you, right? It's only there because of you.
Starting point is 00:02:07 I'm genuinely so, so, so deeply grateful and appreciative that you tune in every single week, twice a week to hear me interview guests, to hear me do these solo episodes. And I love that you love the podcast so much and that you keep supporting by sharing it, by learning from it, by growing from it, I'm genuinely indebted to each and every single one of you. Today's episode is about why rejection hurts and six ways to gracefully deal with it. We've all been rejected. We know exactly how it feels. It's hurtful, it's painful, it's full of struggle, it's one of the lowest things that
Starting point is 00:02:53 can happen to us. And rejection comes in different forms. It can be rejected in a relationship. It can be rejected for a job. It can be rejected after a pitch or proposal. It can be rejected in so many different ways. It's an emotion that we come across in so many different areas of our life and that's why it's so important to learn how to deal with it. See, when you go through
Starting point is 00:03:17 something once or twice in life, it would be useful to know it. But rejection is something that we can go through a lot in life. And actually one of the biggest mistakes we make is that we never learn how to deal with it. We just hope that next time we won't get rejected. We just hope that next time we try something that it won't go that way. Right, we have this mentality that,
Starting point is 00:03:39 oh, it's just going to be better. And I'm not saying that things aren't going to be better. I believe they truly do get better, but I believe things get better when to be better. And I'm not saying that things aren't going to be better. I believe they truly do get better, but I believe things get better when we get better. Right, this is the truth. Things get better when we get better. When we improve our skills, when we learn more, when we grow more, we can deal with things better.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Now, we've all been rejected. We know how it feels. How many times have you ever felt that it's literally like being punched in the stomach, or you feel some sort of physical reaction to an emotional rejection? That's because FMRI studies state that the same areas of the brain are active when we are rejected and when we experience physical pain, there is such a big correlation in science between emotional rejection and physical pain. The same areas of our brain are triggered.
Starting point is 00:04:31 It's incredible to even think of that, but I remember whenever I've been rejected, you can see all over me affects my whole body, affects my physique, it affects my body language and posture. It affects every part of my physicality. And I'm sure you've experienced that as well. The amazing thing is that whilst I was researching for this podcast, I found some amazing letters of rejections.
Starting point is 00:04:58 These were letters that were sent to some of the most famous people in the world. And these letters were letters rejecting them for their talents. I want to read a few of them for you, just for you to get a feel of what I'm talking about. So I'll let you guess or think about who this is. This was a letter from Deco Records to a band. The executives felt that guitar groups are on the way out, right? And that's quoted.
Starting point is 00:05:25 The executive felt that, quote, guitar groups are on the way out. And the band have no future in show business. The band was the Beatles, right? It's incredible to even imagine, but there were executives at decor records who believed that. And you too, and Madonna, receive similar letters. Right, when you read these letters, you just mind blown because in hindsight, it makes absolutely no sense.
Starting point is 00:05:53 But so often, some of the most successful people in the world have been rejected, whether that's Steven Spielberg from film school, whether it's Michael Jordan from getting into his high school basketball team, or whether it's looking at someone like Walt Disney, right? All of these people have endured failure and rejection, and we notice that anyone you admire, anyone you aspire to be like, anyone you look up to has been rejected. This is probably one of my favorite stories of rejection.
Starting point is 00:06:23 This man was very successful at Yahoo. I believe he was there for about 10 to 12 years, and then he decided to apply to two other big companies. The first company applied to was Facebook, and he was rejected by Facebook. And he actually tweeted about being rejected by Facebook. And this is what he tweeted. He tweeted, Facebook turned me down.
Starting point is 00:06:45 It was a great opportunity to connect with some fantastic people looking forward to life's next adventure, right? I mean, who gets rejected by a huge company and tweets about it? I mean, that's absolutely insane to even think about that. Now, he went and then applied for Twitter. And the same thing happened.
Starting point is 00:07:03 He was rejected by Twitter. And so he posted again on Twitter this time. And he said, God denied by Twitter HQ, that's okay, would have been a long commute. Now, this man is publicly sharing his rejection from two of the biggest companies in the world. Most of us would see that as career suicide. Most of us would see that as extremely scary, because now all the competitors know that you weren't good enough to get into these two companies. But this man didn't let it phase him. What he did is he co-founded a startup a few years later. And then after building it up, ended up selling that startup, selling that company to Facebook for $19 billion.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Think about this for a moment. The man who was rejected from Facebook and Twitter a few years later sold his company to Facebook for $19 billion. His name is Brian Akton, and he's the co-founder of WhatsApp. Now, I don't know how many of you use WhatsApp, but I'm guessing a lot of you do. I found it crazy when I moved to the US.
Starting point is 00:08:09 I realized lots of people in the US didn't use WhatsApp even though in Europe and of course in Asia we use WhatsApp a lot. And I was just blown away that here was a person that could have been hired by Facebook for a few hundred thousand dollars. But instead they paid 19 billion dollars for him in this platform. But it's incredible to believe that he was rejected. And there are so many other incredible examples
Starting point is 00:08:30 that I want you to take note of. So let's take a look at someone else, someone like Jessica Alba, who's been on the front cover of Forbes for the success of her company, the Honest Company. But the thing is that despite being on Forbes and being on the front cover, it wasn't always that simple for her,
Starting point is 00:08:44 and actually in her interview with Forbes, she talked about how when she first pitched the honest company, she just had loads of condescending nods or pats on the back of good luck. And she talked about instead of the resistance holding her back, it pushed her forward. And she said she almost needed it. Right, this is really important.
Starting point is 00:09:04 She said she almost needed it. And, this is really important. She said she almost needed it. And she said, I needed people telling me no for me to figure out exactly what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. See, sometimes hearing no is actually leading us towards the right yes. See, hearing no for the wrong idea is leading towards the yes for the right idea
Starting point is 00:09:27 because when you keep hearing no, it pushes you in a direction of flow to figuring out what you need to do. Hey, it's Debbie Brown. And my podcast deeply well is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness
Starting point is 00:09:45 and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here's where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices. Heal and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing,
Starting point is 00:10:14 and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life. And live our purpose, which leads to community impact and higher consciousness for all beings. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow,
Starting point is 00:10:36 to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well is available now on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Big love. Namaste. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of
Starting point is 00:11:11 long-held family secrets. When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. Something was annoying at me that I couldn't put my finger on that I just felt somehow that there was a piece missing. Why not restart? Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you'll get your podcasts. I'm Eva Longoria.
Starting point is 00:11:49 I'm Maite Gomes-Rajon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs. And even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower, tortilla flower. Your team flower? I'm team flower.
Starting point is 00:12:16 I need a shirt. Team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser-known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes. He was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortillas to keep it warm, and he was transporting them in a burro, hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for History with Ivalongoria and Mate Gomez Rejón,
Starting point is 00:12:40 as part of the My Cultura Podcast Network, available on theHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Now listen to this, this is another huge example of someone. Lady Gaga, who of course lost your absolutely phenomenal year with the rise of a star is born and all of her other success. Gaga was actually rejected from her first ever music label and she ended up signing for Deaf Jam Records in 2006 and was dropped after three months. Imagine that, getting rejected from your first music label, then getting signed and getting rejected after three months. It's crazy and she's described it as one of the worst days of her life and happened quite quickly. And what I really loved about what she said in this instant is that if you give up after something like that, you will never destined to be an entertainer. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And I love that she talks about that because she's recognizing that failure, that rejection,
Starting point is 00:13:41 that pushbacks, that setbacks are totally the path. They are the way. Right, you don't have obstacles on the way, the obstacle is the way, right? These aren't challenges in the path, they are the path. And we see this more and more in the past when we lived in forests and woods and land as hunters and gatherers, being rejected from our community was one of the worst things that could happen. It was like being excommunicated almost literally felt like a death penalty because you would die from that loneliness and wouldn't be able to survive without that community. Now because of that, our brain evolved to alert us of this happening. So when we feel rejected, we're almost reacting to it
Starting point is 00:14:21 in a similar way. And at that time, it was a protective mechanism to save us from death. And today, it's trying to save us from loneliness. It's trying to save us from a feeling of disconnection. But here's the thing, what we don't realize is that being in a place where we're not wanted can be the most lonely place of all. And this is what I've realized in my journey of rejection is, why do I want to be at a company? Why do I want to be in a place where I'm actually not wanted? Why do I want to force my way into a place where people don't think I'm good enough? Because if I force my way in, they're always going to have that doubt. And the crazy thing is that studies show that we perform at a lower IQ simply by visualizing
Starting point is 00:15:06 a rejection experience we've had in the past. So if you literally visualize and relive a time you've failed in your past, you will actually have a lower IQ on test exams and any challenges that you take after it. So we actually make worse decisions and that clarity after we're rejected. And I think we've all experienced that. We all sometimes make rash decisions. And this is one of the biggest mistakes we make is that we try and make a long term decision based on a short term emotion. And that's where we really go wrong. Where we try and make this long term decision based on a short term emotion. Now, I know it's difficult because right
Starting point is 00:15:47 now we're noticing and what it feels like more and more and more. And I read somewhere that the rejection rate for online job applications is 98%. It's crazy to even think that that's true, but it is. And I'm sure you've experienced that. You get that automated email back, right? You get this email back that literally says, you know, sorry, we've had too many applications and you want the right fit, stay in touch, right? You get this really basic generic email. And we've all been there.
Starting point is 00:16:21 So what I want to share with you today is very simply the six ways, right? The six ways to gracefully deal with it. We've talked about why rejection hurts. We've talked about the people that have been through rejection. We've talked about the challenges that so many of the people we look up to have overcome. So we recognize that rejection is part of the path, but now how do we make it? Something that is gracefully dealt with. And my number one piece of advice, the first one that I wanted to start with, is this, don't take it personally, right? A lot of rejection notes that we receive a generic and broad that are sent to that 98%.
Starting point is 00:17:06 We don't always get a lot of feedback inside or information. And the biggest mistake we can make is we take that very ambiguous information and make it specifically about us. Beating yourself up is the worst thing you can do after rejection. Self-criticism and doubt creep in almost straight away, and it's really important to recognize that that isn't personal. There's so many other people that receive the same exact response, and it doesn't mean it's the end.
Starting point is 00:17:38 See, failure is not final. Failure is not fatal. Failure isn't the end. Don't focus on everything you got wrong. Move on to that next opportunity after you do this next step. And this is the important bit, right? Don't take it personally, even if you get that message and you've had 10 of them now, you can't start taking that personally because it wasn't directed to you personally. Now I remember when I came back from being
Starting point is 00:18:05 a monk, no one wanted to hire me because I had a monk on my resume for three years. In fact, 40 companies rejected me before I even had an interview with them. They didn't even get me to that opportunity of sitting with them and explaining my story and my skills. They just rejected me based on that online application. Now, if I took that personally and seriously, I would have believed that no one's going to hire me because I was a monk, that I will never have a future, that I will never have a career. And this is what we do. We take a temporary piece of information and we start to imagine with it, right? We sensationalize it. It's almost like we start writing totally imaginative headlines about our life rather than accepting in reality what's
Starting point is 00:18:49 happened, which is just the fact that we've received an email saying we've had lots of applications and you're not going to make it through to the next round. We can't take it as a personal attack. The second piece of advice that I want to share with you, and this is for when you get a bit more information. This is when you've been to a with you, and this is for when you get a bit more information. This is when you've been to a few interviews, you've been to a few pictures, you've been to a few meetings, you've had a few proposals, this is what you have to do.
Starting point is 00:19:15 Don't take it personally, but do take it curiously. When we get curious about rejection, it can be useful as a way of actively learning. When we don't take rejection personally but take it curiously and actively, we actually start changing our lives. Instead of looking at our weaknesses, we can observe the process and ask ourselves, where do we think we can improve? Where can we refocus? See, failure is feedback. It really is, I really believe this, failure is feedback. It's not. I really believe this. Failure is feedback.
Starting point is 00:19:46 It's not saying you can never make it. It's not saying you can't do this. It's not saying you're not good enough. It's feedback. And if we can get actual feedback, that's awesome. And if we can't, we have to find the feedback for ourselves. See, if someone's not giving you feedback or closure, you have to find that feedback enclosure
Starting point is 00:20:04 through introspection and reflection. And you have to find that feedback enclosure through introspection and reflection. And we have to take responsibility. Because when we do that, that's when we push forward. Remember, you can work on and learn any area that you want to. This is a great exercise to identify what that is. Now, I've often realized when I've been rejected that I didn't do enough research or I didn't plan enough, I didn't learn enough, but notice, it's not me. It's not that I'm not enough.
Starting point is 00:20:35 It's not that I'm not good enough. It's that I didn't plan enough. I didn't learn enough. Right, so that separates me from being enough and actually recognizing there is just something that I need to do more of, which makes me want to start acting now. If you focus on being curious, you won't even have time to sit there and feel that it's this huge challenge. Now, principle number three, it's something I call the rule of 100. Now often people that I know or friends that I have will say to me, yeah, your life seems so exciting. Everything seems to be working out. Life's great all this time. Right? What's happening?
Starting point is 00:21:14 Like, oh my God, like there's always something good going on in your life. Now I used to always think that about other people too. I used to see other people who are sharing their successes and their achievements, and I would think, oh, wow, like, you know, things just work out for them, like things just must work out for them. And this was really interesting. So people usually see this when I'm interviewing an amazing guest on the podcast, like whether it's Novak Djokovic or Russell Brand or Giselle or, you know, Chrissy Metz was on recently and people loved her episode or Ray Dahlia was on. And all of these incredible people, or maybe when earlier this year, I got to go on the today show or I got to go on Ellen and that was a huge moment for me or I was on Red Table Talk.
Starting point is 00:21:54 But what we don't see is that I'm knocking on 100 doors that month and we only see the one that opens. So the point being that if you're knocking on 100 doors a month, one may open. See, life is all about odds. If you knock on one door, it's likely it won't open. If you knock on 100 doors, maybe 102 will open. If you knock on 200 doors, maybe 2 to 4 will open. If you knock on 300 doors, maybe 3 to 6 will open. But being scared of rejection
Starting point is 00:22:26 stops us from knocking. And because it stops us from knocking, it also stops us from success. When you know that most things won't work, you keep knocking and feel really grateful for the ones that do open. So I know for a fact that I'm going to reach out to so many different people to work with, to collaborate, to do so many a fact that I'm going to reach out to so many different people to work with to collaborate to do so many things And I'm sure that many of them won't even see the message and I'm sure that many of them won't even hear the message or read the message But what I do know is that the more I ask the more I try the more likely something is going to happen And so when we're scared of rejection, when we're fearful of rejection, we're actually limiting our chances of success. But when you're open to rejection, when you're okay with getting
Starting point is 00:23:12 rejected, and actually the more you get rejected, the more used do you get, and the more things open up for you. So you'll always have something to celebrate when you experience rejection more often. It's the greatest irony, right? You'll always have something to celebrate when you experience rejection more often, it's the greatest irony, right? You'll always have something to celebrate. When you experience more rejection, the less rejection you experience, the less you'll have things to celebrate. Listen, it's carefully. The more you experience rejection, the more things you'll have to celebrate, the less you experience rejection, the less things you'll have to celebrate because the odds show rule of 100 that
Starting point is 00:23:46 you are more likely to succeed when you knock on more doors. Our 20s are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes, and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week, we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more to explore the science and the psychology
Starting point is 00:24:24 behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science, and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life. Join me as we explore what our 20s are really all about, from the good, the bad, and the ugly, and listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology, including our 20s. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Now streaming on the iHot Radio app, Apple Podcasts or whatever you get your podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of
Starting point is 00:25:03 the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant, the results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw, it's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Luminous Hamilton, that's for me been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn.
Starting point is 00:25:39 On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
Starting point is 00:26:10 Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do with a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't
Starting point is 00:26:43 wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls Podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. Okay, so point number four. This is probably one of my favorite messages, one of the most important things that I've said I shared on Instagram recently and people really responded well to and I said it actually changed my life. Rejection is redirection, right?
Starting point is 00:27:14 Rejection is just redirection. You'll get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagined it. We have this picture perfect method of how we believe something's going to happen. And that's actually what blocks us from getting there. Because you have a view of what that road looks like. And so you're looking for that road. And when you're looking for that road, life and reality is giving you a completely different path.
Starting point is 00:27:40 And because that path looks unfamiliar, you don't walk it anymore. And you keep looking for that road, but you can't find that road because that road looks unfamiliar, you don't walk it anymore, and you keep looking for that road, but you can't find that road because that road doesn't exist. It's literally like looking for an imaginary road in a town, right? Imagine you just said,
Starting point is 00:27:52 oh yeah, I think that there's this road and this path that leads me to that mountain. I'm gonna take that path, and then you keep looking for that path, and whenever you ask for it, everyone says, well, that path doesn't exist, there's this path, and you're like, oh, but I don't like the look at that path.
Starting point is 00:28:06 I think there's another path. And that's where we get lost. We don't get to our destination because we have path addiction. We don't get to our destination because we have path addiction. We're addicted to our path and what it looks like. And we want it to happen that way. And the reality is that no one in life has ever walked the path they're addicted to. There is nothing in anyone's life.
Starting point is 00:28:30 There is no path in anyone's life that they've walked, that got them there the way they imagined it to. Now, I wanna share a personal story in this regard as well. I've never talked about this, but I want to share it with you all. When I first decided I wanted to do a podcast, now we launched a podcast around six months ago, and I decided I wanted to do a podcast, probably about 12 to 18 months ago, so it's been a long time since I started thinking about this. And when I did that, my team and I went around and met a lot of producers, met a lot of companies,
Starting point is 00:29:00 and met a lot of production houses that sponsored and worked in podcasts because I wanted to see who'd want to partner with me. Now some said no straight away, like somewhere rejections straight away. Right, for whatever reason. And again, I didn't take them personally, but I did take them curiously. And I started to realize that I needed to have a concrete idea, I needed to understand what exactly I wanted to talk about. I needed to have potentially a brand name or an idea. I needed to be clear to some degree, to give people something to buy into. Now, when I did that, one major company, right, that decided they wanted to work with me,
Starting point is 00:29:34 and they were very excited about it. Well, there were a few people in the team that were excited about it, and few people that were not excited about it. And what ended up happening is the people not excited about it won. So the major company that I was supposed to work with for this podcast, this one that you're listening to right now, literally pulled out two weeks before I launched. So I launched
Starting point is 00:29:54 on 14th of February, 2019 with my wife. And the podcast company pulled out two weeks before I launched. I had to scrap to get my podcast out on time. And you know what the reason they said it was? They said it was because they didn't think it was going to be a big podcast. That's what they said, right? And then I had two choices. See, it was an opportunity to be redirected
Starting point is 00:30:24 or to retire and feel terrible and get aggressive and be mad that it wasn't happening, right? I had two choices. And I'm so grateful and I'm so happy because I was motivated to serve all of you because I had this intention of wanting to create a podcast where we could go deeper in our relationship where we could connect more, where we could learn more about each other, that really motivated me and guided me to launching myself. And the best thing is, I'm so happy that I was redirected as now I fully have my own podcast. I'm totally in charge of what I create.
Starting point is 00:30:57 I'm completely involved in every aspect of this podcast. It's given me more confidence in my own abilities, and I realize this pattern, that you can't expect others to spot your potential. You can't let others validate your own potential. And this isn't the first time I've experienced this. I've experienced this time and time and time again when I was first pitching my ideas, my media, my video ideas, to editors, to the news anchor stories, whatever it was. And I've told some of those stories in previous podcasts, but it's crazy to believe, right?
Starting point is 00:31:28 But remember this rejection is just redirection. Now this is principle number five. This is probably one of my favorite messages that I want to share with you. Revenge is not a response to rejection, right? You don't try to prove anything to anyone. Just try to improve yourself. Don't get lost trying to get revenge. Because then in the future,
Starting point is 00:31:53 if that person doesn't think you're amazing and doesn't tell you you're incredible, then you're trapped again. Right, I had a well-known radio presenter tell me that my work, when I first launched, this was probably before a lot of you were watching my work. On Twitter, he said that it wasn't good and it wasn't up to scratch. And then a few months later, when my work picked up, he reached out and told me that he couldn't
Starting point is 00:32:15 argue with the views and he interviewed me for his show. Now I thanked him at both times for his honesty, because if I had responded to get revenge on him or to show him or to prove him wrong or any of that, again, you're just being controlled by someone else. Right? Your success, if you let your failure control you, your success will be controlled as well. Right? Remember that.
Starting point is 00:32:40 If you let your failure control you, your success will control you as well. If you let someone else dictate your failure, then you'll let them dictate your success, right? We can't get lost in that trap. And this is principle number six, the sixth and final tip that I have for gracefully dealing with rejection. Rejection is always right. Either way, hear me out, I know this is painful to listen to, but listen to me carefully. When you get rejected in something you like, you get bitter. When you get rejected in something you love, you get better. See, when we get rejected in
Starting point is 00:33:14 something we kind of like and you just stop liking it now and you stop thinking that you want to pursue it. That means you didn't weren't really passionate about it. That means you didn't really love it. but when you love something, when it's really important to you, you keep moving towards it. Now in a relationship that's very different. Of course, here I'm talking about careers,
Starting point is 00:33:33 I'm talking about passion, I'm talking about interests, I'm talking about hobbies, I'm talking about business, I'm not really talking about relationships, but just to touch on relationships a bit, you can't keep pursuing someone who doesn't want to be with you,
Starting point is 00:33:44 but you can keep pursuing becoming the right person. Right? And that's where the pursuit has to change. So if you didn't enjoy preparing for the interview, if you didn't enjoy preparing for a pitch or a proposal, whatever it was, chances are it truly isn't the right job, it isn't the right opportunity. You can force your way into a company as start up a situation because of the name and prestige, but that won't satisfy you when you hate it afterwards.
Starting point is 00:34:10 So many people want to job at Google just to say they work for Google. So many people want to be an entrepreneur, just to say they're an entrepreneur. So many people want to have a podcast, just to say they have a podcast. So many people want to write a book just to say they're an author.
Starting point is 00:34:22 And a lot of those people get rejected or it doesn't work and rightly so, because that's not enough. You have to love the process. You have to be committed to the process. So I really hope you enjoyed this podcast today. It's been incredible having you here. Remember, these are the six ways to gracefully deal with rejection. We talked about why rejection hurts. Remember, everyone you look up to, everyone feel I love reading your reviews as well. Make sure you've subscribed. Make sure you've rated and make sure you've reviewed. Thank you so much for listening. I'm genuinely so grateful. My name's Jay Shetty.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Have an amazing week. Thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I hope you're going to share this all across social media. Let people know that you're going to share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to on purpose. Let me know. Post it. Tell me what a difference it's making in your life. I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nuneum.
Starting point is 00:36:03 I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bon vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I'll have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:36:32 The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw this tax of cash in our office. Chocolate comes from the cacao tree, and recently, variety of cacao, thought to have been lost centuries ago, where we discovered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on Earth like this. Now some chocolate makers are racing deep into the jungle to find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along.
Starting point is 00:36:54 OK, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to the obsessions of wild chocolate on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-top. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful, that it changed me.
Starting point is 00:37:28 But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there. And if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them there in the rail yard. Undenail Morton. Come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:37:46 Or cityoftherails.com. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or, cityoftherails.com.

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