On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Why Small Talk Should Be Banned & 9 Questions That Go Deeper

Episode Date: December 13, 2019

What does small talk do to our minds and our experiences? Small talk limits us from deep meaningful relationships, not just with others but with ourselves as well. How often do you go to an event and have the same conversation? You stop learning, you stop listening and leave feeling unsatisfied. The more genuine, authentic, vulnerable & empathetic discussions that we have, the deeper our relationships goes and the higher our quality of happiness. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw the stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate comes from the cacountry, and recently, Variety's cacao, thought to have been lost centuries ago, were re-discovered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on Earth like this. Now some chocolate makers are racing deep into the jungle.

To find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along. Okay, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to the obsessions while chocolate on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Conquer your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast Podcast in each bite-sized daily episode. Time management and productivity expert Laura Vandercam teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home.

These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day. Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to before breakfast on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Getting better with money is a great goal for 2023, but how are you going to make it happen? Ordering a book that lingers on your nightstand isn't going to do the trick. Instead, check out our podcast How To Money. That's right, we're two best buds offering all the helpful personal

finance information you need without putting you to sleep. We offer guidance three times a week and we talk about debt payoff, saving more, intelligent investing and increasing your earnings. Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them make progress with their financial goals. You can listen to how to money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Small talk actually limits us from deep, meaningful relationships. And here's the catch, not just with others, but with ourselves as well. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so grateful to be back with you for another episode in the month of December.

I can't believe it's December already. This year has gotten so fast. We launched the podcast in February this year. It's been a phenomenal year and I can't stop thanking you. And I'm sorry if you're bored of hearing me say it, but I'm going to thank you again, because I'm so grateful to each and every one of you that downloads the podcast that streams the podcast Whatever you do with podcasts, and I love that right now you're cooking you're driving You're walking your dog you're at the gym you're at all these places and you are finding a way to listen and finding a way to

Invest in yourself. It's not often that I get really, really excited about something, but this is genuinely one of those times, and I've never said that to you before. So, we've been trying to build a deep relationship with each other. It started with these four minute videos, and then you said, Jay, we need more of you. So, we launched the podcast, which meant I was speaking to you for 30 minutes to an hour, every single week, and we've got two amazing podcasts a week. And then I'm thinking, well, how do we go a step further? And so, I found out from my friends that there's this new, really cool new thing that I've been trying out.

It's called a community phone number, which means that you can actually text me. I'm being serious. So here's my number. I want you to write it down. Stop what you're doing right now and write this down. 310-997-4177. I'll say it again.

310-997-4177. You can text me right now. And the best thing about this is I can send you real-time updates of where I'm out, what I'm thinking about, reflections I'm having, realizations, pictures, and isn't it true that with friends you want to text them, right? You don't email your friends, you don't just post on Instagram and hope your friends see it, you text them when you want to text them, right? You don't email your friends. You don't just post them on Instagram and hope your friends see it. You text them when you want to share something. So I want to do that with all of you. So text me now at 310-997-4177.

I'm so happy and excited for this week's theme because we're living at a time where right now, you're probably getting invited to tons of holiday parties. You've got friends parties, family parties. You've got events coming up. There's Christmas coming up, there's the new year coming up. It means you end up going to a lot of places, meeting a lot of people that you either don't know at all or you either know very well. But here's the thing we have in common.

We have something in common with people we know well and we have something in common with people we don't know at all. We sometimes, sorry, let me take that back. We want we often resort to small talk. How often do you go to a family event? You've been going every single year. You go year after year after year and you have the same conversation. Hey, how's your year going?

Oh, it's gone so fast this year. Oh, the weather's been pretty bad recently. Oh, how's it going? What have you been up to? Right? How many of you revolve your conversations with people you've known year after year after year, whether it's friends and families, and get stuck in small talk?

Or maybe you're going to a lot of parties where you're meeting in new people, or you're getting introduced to new people, and even then the normal questions are so What do you do for work? Where did you grow up? How do you you know how do you Yeah, like how do you know so and so right? It's very it's all based around this small talk and what is that small talk? Do in our culture. What does that small talk?

Do to our minds and our habits? I mean, how many of us love going out and having the same conversation night, after night, after night, after night? I know I don't. I don't like having the same conversation again and again and again and you're explaining the same thing again and again and again and again. And maybe if you're lucky, you recycle a joke or two as well. And you get bored of the joke by the third time you tell it, or something funny, or something witty. But small talk, actually, here's the thing, it limits us from deep, meaningful relationships.

And here's the catch, not just with others, but with ourselves as well. Right? Small talk actually limits us from deep meaningful relationships, not just with others, but with ourselves as well. Because when we keep saying the same thing that we already know, maybe if it's even rehearsed, maybe it's kind of part of the marketing of our company, whatever it is, when you keep saying the same thing, you don't learn anything new.

Because all that's happening is someone's asking a question you've heard before, your mind is going to a place in your mind that it's heard before, being before, finds the answer and repeats it. You don't create. You don't explore. You don't experiment. You don't flow. You don't get lost somewhere. Because you're asking the wrong questions. And you're answering the wrong questions as well. So it doesn't just limit us from getting to know others, it limits us from getting to know ourselves. And he's the thing, right? When people ask us these questions,

most of our responses, our emotional vocabulary, so limited into these five responses, pretty much these are our five responses. Good, bad, okay, fine. Right, like no matter what you ask, this is how you respond. Good, bad, okay, fine. Right, like how was your day?

I was good, how was your week? Fine, how are things going? Right, like as just generally, how we connect and communicate and express ourselves. So the more we limit our emotional vocabulary, we're also limiting our emotional exploration or emotional intelligence. Well, I like that emotional exploration.

We're limiting our emotional exploration when we answer the same questions again and again and again. And we ask the same questions again and again and again. We learn very little, we listen even less because we've heard it before and we leave the event not feeling great. How many times have you done that? You stop learning, you stop listening and then you leave having felt like you got nothing from going out and spending three hours, four hours of your night at a dinner or a party that you didn't want to be.

Now, I'm sure you've had a lot of holiday parties to attend or maybe you're just starting that process right now. And like I said, the conversations are in a few of these different places and you feel you have the same conversation in a million places. But here's the science and you know, I love talking about the science and this is what I love in my book.

So my book that's available for pre-order right now and it's coming out on the 14th of April next year in 2020. The book is full of relatable science that will really help you understand these concepts deeper. So a psychological science study with 20,000 people recorded that the happiest people's conversations had twice as many genuine and deep talks compared to unhappy people. Listen to that carefully. A study with over 20,000 people recorded the happiest people's conversations

had twice as many genuine and deep talks compared to unhappy people. Small talk does not help build meaningful relationships. The more genuine, authentic, vulnerable, empathetic discussions that we have, the deeper our relationships goes, and their higher our happiness goes. How many of us want to be happy? Of course we do, and we've all experienced this.

Recently, I got to go to an incredible event hosted by Arthur Blanks Foundation. It was held in Montana at Arthur Blanks Ranch, where they have this incredible institute, the Blank Foundation, which is consistently creating spaces for thought leaders, creators, thinkers, policymakers, CEOs, entrepreneurs to have conversations about improving humanity. I mean, it's a beautiful, beautiful effort. And I'm such a huge fan of not just the Blank Foundation, but Arthur Blank and how he is as a human being. And the whole event, the four days we were there were facilitated by Christian Berman from Irrational Labs, which is also a part of Dana Riley's work. If you've ever read predictably

Irrational, one of my favorite books, or anything like that. He's a phenomenal behavioral scientist. And what I loved is that all the dinners that we had at this event, and remember, there were creators, thinkers, celebrities, entrepreneurs, influencers, academics, researchers.

All of these people are every dinner. We were not, and by the way, the food was amazing too. It was incredible. I was, I was, you know, I'm plant based and the food they made was phenomenal. And all the dinners were not allowed to have small talk, right? There was literally no small talk allowed. And I was really impressed by that.

I thought, wow, like we could have spent four days there and not learned anything about each other. Or actually, I've walked away with some really great friends from that event, one being Arthur Blank himself, I'm so grateful for putting it all on. But also two people we've had on the podcast. We had Laurie Santos on the podcast. I know you thought she was phenomenal. She's the Yale professor with the happiest class at Yale. And then we had Robert Waldinger from the study of Harvard. So we've, and Dan butiner as well, and Ben Lidor from the blue zones.

That was all there. I met all his friends and connections while I was there. And I think a big part of it is that small talk was banned. Right? Small talk was not promoted. It wasn't something that was recommended. And so instead, we had these cards that are different spice levels in terms of three level of spice meant, it's a tough question, a vulnerable question,

one level of spice meant, it's getting you started. And we had to answer these questions. Now, it may feel in the beginning that it's a bit weird, right? You may say in the beginning, like, oh, that's a bit strange. Like, I don't want to sit around, you know, answering random questions with people. It's a bit forward.

If you remember the, there was in the New York Times a few years ago, there was an article saying the 26 questions that help you fall in love. And there were three sets of questions, which deep and vulnerability, and supposedly if you answer them on your first date, you are more likely to know if you love the other person or not. Now, maybe if you whip that out of your first day, your date's going to probably walk away right there and then because everyone's going to be like, why am I going to answer these 26 questions? I mean, it felt less inconvenient in a non-romantic setting.

Obviously, no one, none of us, with speed dating or anything like this at this event. So it felt more natural. So I'm not recommending you do this, but I am recommending you do this. Somehow, figure it out, be smart about it. The point is our conversations can either elevate us to deeper knowledge about each other,

understanding, have more fun and reflection or not. And so anyway, we had these questions at different spice levels, spice level one, spice level two, and spice level three. And remember, there's people aged probably 25 to 75 in the room. And again, researchers, celebrities, entrepreneurs and policymakers.

And these questions urged us in a certain direction. And I love this activity so much that I've been using those questions when we've had dinners at our home. I used this the other day when I was hosting the Streamy Social Good Awards and I said, look, irrational labs came up with these amazing questions I'd love to have you engage with them and use them. And people literally came up to me afterwards and said, Jay, thank you so much for doing that because you've got me to talk to someone I've never talked to about something I would

never talk to them about. And I actually even exchanged my number with someone and now we're going to stay in touch because we connected so deeply. So I want you to give this a go because I think we all know and Robert Walding is 75-year-old Harvard study shows us that human relationships are the key, right? Human relationships are the key to our happiness in life. And sometimes we spend so much time with people, but we know so little about them. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere and their toxic behavior in words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was

loved by the Tinder swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissist in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships,

gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was meant as seen as a very snotty city, people call it Bose-Angelists.

New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a

dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling. But I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much- I love you too. I have a lot of therapy goals behind that.

You're so white, I love it. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save your retirement? Well, you're not alone if you haven't made progress yet, roughly four in five New Year's resolutions fail within the first month or two. But that doesn't have to be the case for you and your goals.

Our podcast, How to Money, can help. That's right, we're two best buds who've been at it for more than five years now, and we want to see you achieve your money goals. And it's our goal to provide the information and encouragement you need to do it. We keep the show fresh by answering list our questions, interviewing experts, and focusing on the relevant financial news that you need to know about. Our show is Choc Full of the Personal Finance Knowledge that you need with guidance three times a week, and we talk about debt payoff.

If, let's say you've had a particularly spend thrift holiday season, we also talk about building up your savings, intelligent investing, and growing your income. No matter where you are on your financial journey, how do monies got your back? Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them achieve their financial goals. Ensure that your resolution

turns into ongoing progress. Listen to how to money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How much do you really know about the people you spend the most time with? Maybe a couple of friends who've been there for you for life, but so much family, work, people that we spend time with, maybe we can move in that direction.

So it's up to you to experiment with this. So check this out. So these are questions to remove from events and things that you're going now. So I'm going to make you really aware of this. Number one, what do you do? It's potentially the most rehearsed answer because you've given it so many times.

You don't give someone an opportunity to share something fresh about themselves, and you're now defining them by what they do. Another one is, where do you live? Usually it's not that fascinating. It's more interesting to know where they grew up. It's more interesting to know who they were. Friends were growing up.

It's more interesting to know where they went to school. But still, that still doesn't really give you that much. One of the worst ones of all time is how has the weather been? Or what do you think about the weather? You know, a weather conversation is probably the most go-to, small talk, especially when you grow up in London,

but it happens in LA and New York as well. And how was your journey here? I mean, what's, what is someone really gonna tell you about how interesting their journey was to that location that night? So those are questions to, you know, remove. And Harvard researchers found that deeper follow-up questions meant being more liked and felt like present.

So not only do you build a deeper relationship when you ask better questions, you also are more liked because people think you're generally curious, this isn't a technique, this is real, and people know that you're present. How many times do you ask a question, what do you do or something, and just switch off because you're not fascinated by that.

But if you ask a question you're fascinated by, you're going to be more curious. So that's the key of these questions. It's not just that hoping that you get asked these questions. It's also asking these questions because then you're going to be more curious and fascinated by the person you're speaking to. You're going to have more of a reason

to listen to them and to learn from them. So this isn't just about being asked cooler questions. This is about getting to know people better, getting to know yourself better, and being able to be fascinated and learn more. So I'm going to give you, let me think, how many questions do I want to give you? I'm going to give you nine. I'm going to give you nine questions, right? Well, you knew that because the podcast is called that. I'm going to give you nine questions to ask people you know to take your relationship deeper. It's why we should get rid of small talk and nine questions to go deeper.

These are those nine. Here are the first three. That doesn't mean you have to ask them in this order. These are just some to get started and explain'll explain to you why these are good questions and why they're such useful questions because this isn't just a random list of questions. These are questions picked up by irrational labs based on behavioral science that help you be more vulnerable. So the first question, what was the last lie you told?

Would you do it again? You can even answer it for yourself right now. What was the last lie you told? Would you do it again? Now when I asked this question, we all tell lies. I think the truth is people tell seven to ten lies in every conversation. It could be small lies, it can be big lies. Now most of us are telling small white lies, quick lies. Someone asked you, how do I look in this? Or how do you feel today? Or how's your day going? You know, it's things like that. It's not necessarily something huge. But if you ask yourself, what's the last lie you told? Why is this an interesting question? It shows you what you fear when you answer it, shows you what someone else fears. It allows that person to be vulnerable

immediately about something small. Like, oh, I lied to my friend that I had a green juice, but actually I didn't that I had a green juice, but actually I didn't. I had a chocolate fudge cake, right? That sounds like the kind of thing I would do. That kind of lie, right? So it's allowing that person to be vulnerable and open without exposing them too much,

but without putting them in an uncomfortable situation. So I love that question. It's a great one to get started on. This second question, it's probably one of my favorite questions, and I think everyone should ask this to themselves. Even if no one asks you this one, ask it to yourself. If your younger self met you today, what would make them happy

and what would make them sad about you? Right? If you met your younger self today, if you met yourself 18 years old, what would make them happy? Right? And what would make them sad about you today? And I know I was answering this question recently. I had a dinner and I was playing this game with all my friends. Actually, people I was getting to know. And I was saying that I think my youngest self would be happy that I followed my passion. I followed my intuition.

I've always tried to pursue my dreams and serve others. So I think my younger self would be really proud and happy about that. But I think my younger self would be sad that I've been given so much spiritual opportunity and I don't think I've made the most of it. I think I could have done more. I think I could be pure. I think I could be cleansed. I think I could be healed.

I think I could be of more service. I think I could be doing so much more based on the love and kindness I've received spiritually. And so I think my younger self would be slightly encouraging me to go back to that and to work harder on that. So again, you're getting people to reflect on what they think of their strengths and their weaknesses. And it just sparks a beautiful conversation. Probably when I shared that, you thought of sharing something else.

Now we're having a real conversation, a real conversation. Probably when I shared that, you felt of sharing something else. Now we're having a real conversation, a real exchange. So notice, I'm answering these questions for you as well as we're going along. So this isn't just me telling you to do this exercise. I'm doing it with you. And the third question in the first section is, what situations make you feel awkward and why, right? And when you ask that question out loud, someone may say, this situation is awkward right now. You are asking me, this question is super awkward right now. Why are you doing this to me? So if someone says that to you, it's fine. Hopefully they're joking. And then you can situation. So let me think, what situation makes me feel awkward

and why? Let me think, that's a good question. Why do I feel most awkward and why? By the way, I'm doing this in real time. I do not have the answer written here. I'm doing it with you. Can some having to think about it? So a situation that makes me feel awkward is when someone wants to ask for something, but they're trying to ask about it in a roundabout way.

Have you ever experienced that before? Someone wants something specific, but they're not telling you that, but they're trying to make it a roundabout way. That situation makes me feel really awkward when I know what they really want. They're asking me a million different ways about the same thing.

That really freaks me out. I know it may not be the most awkward thing, but I definitely find it awkward. So that's something that I find awkward. So those are the first three questions. Notice they weren't that hard to answer. They were revealing, but not too much. They were vulnerable, not too much, right? They get you going.

So feel free to use any of those. Any of those questions that you like, tell me. Which questions did you like? One, two or three. Let me know. And actually, if you are listening right now, you can text me what you thought was the answer. I'd love to be able to text you as well.

So you can actually text me right now. Text me on plus one, 310, 997, 4177. That's plus one, 310, 997, 4177. So text me, which of these questions you love while you listen to the podcast, okay? All right, so let's move on to the second three. Here we go. What did you buy recently that you now regret? So this is question number four. What did you buy recently that you now regret? How many of you have that purchase sitting in your wardrobe that you couldn't return?

How many of you have a purchase that you regret it now because people went as impressed as you thought they were gonna be, how many of you regret the purchase you made at duty free because you thought it was a good deal but then found it cheaper on Amazon. Fyla, what is that deal or that bargain that you regret? This one's an easy one for me. I bought a watch last year. I bought it because

I thought it was really very nice for like a day and I was told his limited edition I bought into the whole of the sales and then I bought it and I couldn't give it back because I went back too late and now it's sitting around and so I regret it because I thought it was beautiful for like a day and I bought into the sales and I bought into the person's you know, the guy who was selling it to me made me feel really cool about it and I bought into everything I say you shouldn't buy it to and then I bought it and then by the time I realized I wanted to give it back I couldn't and I'm stuck with it. And yeah, that's that's probably the thing that I bought for myself recently that I now regret. I'm trying to think of does anything else. Why do I like this question?

I like this question because again, it allows people to laugh at themselves. It allows someone to show their personality. A lot of the questions we ask people, and then we wonder why we don't feel chemistry or why we don't feel a connection, is because we're not necessarily asking questions that allow people to be their best playful selves. But these questions do that. The fifth question is have you ever been to jail, been arrested, or got on a way with something of the like, right? I love this question because you find some crazy stories about people. It's always fun to hear. Now, I've never been to jail. I've never been arrested.

Those have not happened to me. If they've happened to you, I'd love to know your stories. Feel free to text me as well. You don't need to post on Instagram or anything like that. But I love this question because you always find a wild card story like the person who you don't expect to have gone to prison or jail. They have been there and then they tell you what they went

there for and sometimes it's the funniest reasons ever. and it goes from anything to ciliantics in Vegas or something silly they did as a kid. So definitely use that one as much as you like. Now the sixth question, probably one of my favorite questions in the pack. What do you think, right? What do you think makes a person most attractive? How attractive are you on that scale? I love this question.

What do you think makes a person most attractive? And you'll always get one person who goes, what do you mean physically? No, right? It can be anything. It's a, what do you think makes a person most attractive? Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, material, be honest. And this is great because it gives you a sign. If someone answers this honestly, it gives you a sign of what

they're attracted to. It gives you a sign of what they value, right? Because ultimately what we're attracted to is what we value. If someone says, the thing that makes a person most attractive is what they wear. They're telling you what level or energy they're operating on. If they say, the thing that makes a person most attractive is what they wear. They're telling you what level or energy they're operating on. If they say, oh, the thing that makes a person most attractive is their smile. Again, it's still a physical attribute. If someone says, you know, what do you think makes a person most attractive?

I think it's how they take care of their kids, or how they take care of their family, or how they take care of their partner. Like, look at the value. Don't look at the thing. Don't look at the thing. Don't get lost in the answer. Because if someone who's trying to flirt with you as well may just be like, oh, well, you know, you, or whatever it is.

But get the person to actually answer the question. Because if they answer the question properly, it actually gives you a sign of what they truly, deeply value. Right? So for me, this is a really good question. It's a really, really good question. And you know, what do you think makes a person most attractive for me? It's a really easy answer. And I think I know that I find this the most endearing. And this is what it is. Humility. Humility, in my opinion, is what makes a person

most attractive. By humility, I don't mean low self-esteem, I don't mean personal judgment, I don't mean lacking confidence, humility, is a sense of groundedness, humility, is a sense of not having to prove your worth to other people or to keep name dropping or whatever it may be, someone who has that humility is most attractive.

And I found that very attractive because all my monk teachers had that quality. I found that my friends that are extremely successful have that quality. I found that the people that I vibe with the most externally successful or not have that quality. And I think that quality alone makes them successful because they never make anyone feel inferior.

That's actually what humility is. Humility is not that you feel inferior, it's that you never make anyone else feel inferior. Wow, you've just got me there. Just talking to you guys out loud right now has got me there. That's the definition of humility. It's not that you feel inferior, it's that you never make anyone feel inferior. Because humility is often seen as a weakness. People think, oh, people who are humble just get a walk over, they get pushed away. That's not humility. That's just low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

If you're humble, you're still confident, right? But you don't need to make other people feel inferior to feel confident, because that's not confidence. That's arrogance. That's actually delusion, that's just lying to yourself. When you're humble, you're already confident and you don't need to make people feel inferior to be more confident. That's making them feel inferior subtly or literally.

Then it says, how attractive are you on that scale? Now, the thing about humility is that it's a trick because if you turn around and go, yeah, I'm a ten on the scale of humility, then you're definitely not. So there's a beautiful story that I love to tell about Benjamin Franklin. And he had 13 precepts, 13 things he aspired for

to live up to before he died. And when he died, when he was on his death, but they asked him which ones did you achieve? And he said, I achieved all the first 12, but I did not achieve the 13th one. And they said, well, what's the 13th one? He said humility, right? So I think humility is something that we're constantly striving for. We have never achieved humility. You never attain humility. It's a constant aspiration. But that's what I find most attractive. Now, notice just how much we just dove into my mind

and how much I got to share with you just answering that question and how much you learn about a person when they get to answer that for you. Isn't that amazing? Isn't that mind blowing? And now I want to get to the final three questions. I'm Mungesh Chateque there and to honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're going to get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention. Because maybe there is magic in the stars, if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast.

Tantric curses, majorly baseball teams, cancelled marriages, K-pop! But just when I thought I had a handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world came crashing down. Situation doesn't look good, There is risk too far. And my whole view on astrology? It changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, and my podcast, Deeply Well, is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations

with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here is where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices. Heal and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing, and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life.

And live our purpose, which leads to community impact and higher consciousness for all beings. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well is available now on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. Big love. Namaste. Hi, I'm David Eagleman.

I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University, and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions, so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or, can we create new senses for humans? Or, what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet?

So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here are the final three, seven eight and nine, questions to go deeper, right, with people you do and don't know. So question number seven, complete this sentence. If you really, really, really knew me, you would know that, right?

So you complete this sentence. If you really, really, really knew me, you would know that. So what is it about you that if someone really, really knew you, they would know that? That's a, that's a really tough one. And as you can see, it gets harder because I'm thinking, what is that one thing that if someone really, really, really knew me, what would they know about me? I think if someone really, really, really knew me, they would know that I'm just trying to serve, that I'm really, really, really just trying to serve with what I've been given. And I'm trying to have the best impact I can in the world, and I'm coming from a place of good intentions, and that at the heart of it, I'm just a soft-hearted guy who wants to

help, who wants to make a difference and I'm working on myself every day. I think people who really know me know that and sometimes they'll joke because I can get pretty emotional. I can cry at an emotional movie and a meaningful conversation. So I think, yeah, that would be my answer. I love that one because it really pushes you to go deeper and open up. an meaningful conversation. So I think, yeah, that would be my answer. I love that one, because it really pushes you to go deeper and open up. Question number eight, what do you fight about most

in your romantic relationships? This is hilarious, we did this with my friends recently. And I was saying, and I've probably said this before, I said, the thing I fight about most at my romantic relationship is my wife telling me to not leave my shoes at the door. So we take our shoes off when we come inside our home and I have a habit of not putting my shoes away. So that's literally what we fire about. My friends

are really like, really is that all you fire about. I was like, yes, and it gets pretty bad. But that's all we fight about. That's, you know, we argue about silly things like that sometimes. That's what we argue about most often in our in our romantic relationship. I think that would be our one. And this again tells you again what people are working on, what they're trying to improve. Mine is definitely, I live in a world of organized chaos. I like things in a certain place, but I know where they are. My wife is a complete neat freak and very clean, and I'm very grateful for that as well. So that's ours. That's question number eight. And now question number nine, what would you talk about the most

in a one hour therapy session? What would you talk about the most in a one hour therapy session? What a great question. This one allows you to really get close to people and you'll notice, and remember, and I forgot to say this at the start, but remember if someone wants to skip a question or pass, they can. They don't, you can't force someone to answer question, you can't force vulnerability, you're just

going to get a fake answer. So you can't fake an answer, you can't force an answer, you have to let people give it naturally. But when you look at this scenario, what would you talk about most in one-hour therapy session? I would probably want to revisit my childhood, right? And I've done this several time in different formats with myself, journaling, reflecting, coaches, mentors, spiritually, meditation. But I think that's what I do. I'd love to revisit my childhood because I think we form so many beliefs in our childhood. We form so many patterns in our childhood.

And I'd love to revisit and re-evaluate them. And I think that's very important that we've revisited and reevaluate the patterns, beliefs and systems we adopted in our childhood because they're affecting us so much in our adulthood. So that would be my number one thing that I would want to do. Right? So those, well, I want you to think about that one. Think about that one deeply.

I want you to think about that one. Think about that one deeply. I want you to answer these questions first. And here's the truth. Answer these questions first for yourself before you ask them to someone else. Why? Because when you answer them for yourself, right? When you ask yourself, you'll realize how vulnerable you have to be to answer it.

You'll realize what it really takes to give a genuine answer to that. And don't try and give your best answer. Don't try to come. I even try to give you my best answers today. I just came up with them on the spot while I was talking to you apart from the ones that I said I'd already had conversations about, but just be really open and honest and really let it out for yourself so that when you're speaking to other people that it keeps that flow, remember the more you share, the more you learn, the more they share, the more you learn, and create that safe space of no judgment. Create that safe space of, of course, not going too far into too many details, but at least allow yourself to have a moment of vulnerability. And if you feel you can't ask these to anyone else or know and announce them

asked them to yourself, I mean that. If you're sitting here listening to going, Jay, I love this idea, but I'm not gonna do it, I can't do this. Answer them for yourself. The best thing you can do is be vulnerable with yourself. Be empathetic with yourself. Be non-judgmental with yourself. I hope that this episode has equipped you for the new year.

I hope it's equipped you for the holiday season. I wanted to get this episode out before the end of the year. I can't wait for you to use these questions in your meetings in starting off your meetings at your events, your parties, your holiday events, whatever it may be. And I can't wait for you to share which question you loved and what you're learning from this episode. Thank you so much for you to share which question you loved and what you're learning from this episode. Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose. Make sure you share your insights on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, everywhere linked in as well. And I can't wait to share them as well. Thank you so much. I'll see you again next week.

I am Yomla Van Zant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. There's y'all are just flopoppin' around like fish out of water. Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart video app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and

figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gembreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nuneum. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond-vivant, but mostly a human just trying

to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place, and to really understand it, I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner. Where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you.

Listen to Not Lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.