Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #239

Episode Date: July 24, 2015

This week on PKA, Chiz joins the guys again and they throw a lightning round his way, the guys go over the previous weekend's paintball trip & Woody's new growth and whether you should be proud to be an American.

We're live, uh, Painkiller Already, episode 239. Our guest today is Dr. Chiz. Hello. This episode of Painkiller Already is being brought to you by our friends at Casper. Yes, Casper.com, where you can get an amazing, comfortable mattress, shipped straight to your door, for far less than the average mattress price. Casper.com. Yeah.

Alright, let's kick it off, and,. And like I said before we started here, I think we need to explain why our friend Woody looks like he went about three rounds in a UFC fight. He wouldn't cuddle with me. It looks like Jackie's been sassy. I was sassy and Kyle's stronger than he looks on camera. And I want to talk about it any further. Yeah. Yeah. So I stopped covering it up. Did I have a Band-Aid on for PKN?

I don't recall. I think you did. I know you had a Band-Aid on for, you know, like the day of and the day after. Yeah. Just to spare the public from looking at what had happened to you. Exactly. Yeah. For the first day, even into the next day,

to say it bled doesn't really cover it because when a cut bleeds, there's dripping or whatever, it just seeped blood. There's blood seeping out of it. You didn't want to show off an open wound while people ate their breakfast. Can you lean in a little bit? It was like blood condensation.

it was it was like blood condensation um the best part is um i have on video woody getting shot point blank by by our teammate i have the whole thing on video so i'll be able to get that uploaded um i'm still editing that thing together uh i'm trying to have a little fun with it and it's uh it's gonna be good but um but yeah i have that on footage on uh on film pretty good shot and uh i think it was great i am i think it was i didn't start editing my day in the life video yet mostly because of my head like um so what happened was as you'll see in the video i got i was i was like in a very dangerous spot and i was like sort of just taking a few steps back to to regroup and see what the heck was going on and my teammate shot me uh right right about there it's i'm not sure exactly what right about there right there i don't know if you

can see it yeah yeah somewhere on my forehead you might be able to tell and um just above the goggles just right above breaking area there were a couple people that were like why did he take his face mask off i did not and would not and have never that face mask in the area where guns go off is you can just bolt it on it's not coming off but um this was almost just the perfect right above the face mask yet still not like the curvy part of my head where you know it was it was the perfect shot and it was the money shot yeah and uh it might have been two feet away that's a good estimate one foot three foot something like that it's just point blank it was it was awful it's as bad as you can get shot it's it's top five worst paintball

shots i've ever seen the only one i've seen worse is that one we saw where the ball gets stuck in the guy's arm, and he's shooting reballs, I think. So, I mean, it's in the top five I've ever seen. I've never seen worse. And my head rang for a second, which I never, like, wasn't used to that. But then after a while, like, I on um the subreddit that i was done and i just i guess it sort of took the fight out of me i just didn't want to be shot anymore it was like a day ruining thing where it was like you know what let's just cut it just done for the

day i want to know the angles of how this went like were you about to you know poke to the side then you turn back and you got hit or maybe a second shooter? Like how? Kyle might be the best guy to describe it, but I ran through a doorway and so a guy was like, you, come right here, come right here. So I do, I go to his spot and realize his spot is horrible.

Like I could get shot from a lot of places. People who have cover have great lines of sight on me. And I have like, you know, basically they're a head glitcher and I'm not. So I'm there for a little bit. I only went out there because Kyle was in that room. Kyle tends to push forward really far. I kind of do too. And, but he was out there and he didn't have enough support. So I was like, all right, I'm going to push out there because you know, someone's got to go with him. And I pushed out there, realized that this spot was horrible. I was going to go out there because, you know, someone's got to go with him. And I pushed out there, realized that this spot was horrible. I was going to go back and figure out a better idea.

And as I went back, just as I decided to go back, my teammate decided to shoot out through the doorway. And, you know, I'm coming at him and pop me in the head. There was a wall between the teammate and Woody. And he was passing past it. There's no other way to put it. And there was no way for Woody to know the teammate was there. There was no way for the teammate to know that Woody was running across.

And he was shooting across the room and through a window that was above my head. I'm crouched down into a corner myself, scared shitless, because they're coming at us left and right. We're really surrounded here. It was just perfect timing. As Woody passes by this guy's gun, the gun's going off, and it's point-blank in the head. It's one of, like I said,

top five worst I've ever seen. It bled quite a bit. They had a couple medics on site, so I just went there to get it taken care of, and he put some Vaseline on it and asked me all the brain damage questions, which were no problem. I knew the day and the day wasn't right. I hesitated on the day a little bit and I was going to say,

to be fair, we don't have a normal seven day week. We don't really know what day it might be. Were they actual medics or did you just have a 12 year old touch you? No, they had five. Those medics got a workout. You're good! I don't know. I see a double here. No, no, no. I wiped out. You're good! I don't know, I see a double here. No, no, no, I wiped you, you're good.

See, that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't given in to paintball peer pressure. And I've done that too before. Someone, you know, and they're wearing like regalia, and you're in like shorts and a t-shirt, and you're like, that guy knows what he's doing. He calls you up, and you're like, I don't want to look like a bitch. He probably knows what he's doing. And then you run up there, and you're both hiding behind a two by four like this like why did you call me you asshole that shit doesn't work on me kyle will go traversing like a fucking

warrior down a ravine up a ravine and the mud is made out of lube and i just look at him like well fuck that i'm standing here i'm standing right here i'm standing right here. I am not moving anywhere. I can't do that Just to die dude. I am a self pusher and there'll be times at the start like I set out I'm like I'm gonna camp. I'm like guys. Let's do the Alamo strategy strategy when they say go no one go We just make a last stand right the fuck here see what happens I mean what and I can't do it. I can't not rush out there into enemy fire. Even if I'm the last guy to get jogging, I'm always one of the deepest guys out. You did come up with a new strategy, I would say. What was this one?

When they're coming from the ravine and they've just smoked out the top of turmoil and taken it over. And you just look at me like, I got a new one. The French. And then we raise our guns in the air and slowly walk up. Ah, I got shot. This is it. I'm like,

guys, what's going on? So they're up there. I think if we could throw some smoke and push up through that building. That was a different one. We're surrendering. No, you're mixing them up. No, no, no, it's a different one. No, you're mixing them up. You're mixing them up. No, no, no.

It's a different one. Yeah, you're mixing them up. You're right. No, no. You shot me, yeah. But the one you were talking about was at the beginning. Yeah, that time at the beginning. After the great ceasefire.

When we threw the smoke and stuff, I was right there. As a matter of fact, I vlogged myself getting shot to fuck. No, I'm talking. No, no, no. I'm totally talking about... A few hours later. ...when you pulled the French thing and it surrendered and I turned around

and shot Chiz in the back. Like, I'm surrendering. I'll put you down myself. Yeah, you were the Russian. I was walking out like, oh, I'm out. Ow. I shot him

and he's firing at the ground and then somebody actually fucking shoots me in the back. What the fuck? My gun is in the fucking air. Who did that? I was frustrated because I guess like they had rolled in a couple tanks and helicopters,

and we hadn't done any of it. And then they were throwing smoke out. I'm not afraid to say it. Our leadership was poor. It was so bad after we French surrendered. They shortly had to reset the teams after that. I used to play and reset it again. Our general was bad.

He was not good at generaling. And I feel like Woody could have done a much better job. Chiz could have done a much better job because it was as simple as saying, all right, as soon as their tank's off the field, we've got to have ours in there immediately because there's only one tank on the field at a time. And if we dilly-dally, they're going to jump off the field and jump right back and we're double tanked and it's funny that you say that because i would have loved that job because it you don't do anything but stand there and basically give orders and stuff so why would you take a really good player out of the scenario i was as a regular fucking player working

to get the second tank and telling the ref to do his job the ref is like i don't think that i'm allowed to say there's a tank and i I'm like, I believe in you. You can do it. You just say to bring this tank on and we'll make it happen. And he's like, I think I need to talk to a mission commander. I'm like, you are the mission commander. Make the call. And he just wouldn't do it.

But like, I knew you had to get the second. I had to get, they had a tank on. We shot their tank out. We had to get ours on. It's time. We need it. We're getting pushed back with a crush. They're kicking tank on. We shot their tank out. We had to get ours on. It's time. We need it. We're getting pushed back. They're kicking our ass.

But instead, they get a second tank on, and they get a helicopter on. And there's, like, airstrikes and shit. And we got our butts kicked on day two. Did you guys just get shat on the entire time? Oh, my God. The whole entire day until we finally said, you know, we don't want to play unless you can reset this thing. And they were scoring it. Until we finally said, we don't want to play unless you can reset this thing. Then they reset it. As soon as they reset it,

it was like, we're pushing their shit in mode. As soon as that happened, I'm leading a squad up a hill throwing smoke and we do take the house. That house is where I got shot. I was part of taking that house. I was one of the first five guys in or something, first three in. Yeah.

We did that. But after that, I was just like, I'm done. So anyway, paintball talk. I don't know. It was fun. It was successful. We had a lot of people there. A lot of people came out.

Someone might have came out blinded. It was entertaining. Oh, that kid got fucked up. So did the kid actually get hurt? Yeah, he took his – I don't think he was blinded. That was entertaining. Oh, that kid got fucked up. So did the kid actually get hurt? Yeah, he took his... Right after Woody got hurt and he went to go work on his head, they blew

the alarm again. And there's an injury on the field. So everybody's guns down, barrel plugs on, the medical team is running out there. Because they're not wearing fucking paintball masks. Everybody's guns had to be down. So I wait around and I'm hanging out with fans and stuff and i want to see the guy they bring out so they bring this guy out blood streaming down his face and uh i i didn't really understand exactly the nature of what had happened to him because he he was uh he was spanish and his

accent was really thick but basically they were like was your mask on or off how did this happen he was like oh it was off it was mad he goes it was mad hot out there it is take it off and i'm not i'm not positive so like don't quote me on this but i think maybe he was either in one of the cars on the map or behind the glass from one of the cars and in somehow some way the glass got shattered and blown into his face and it cut him up pretty good and he deserved to get cut up pretty good maybe next time he'll leave his fucking mask on you always keep your mask on always keep your mask so that i actually have never heard of anyone getting hurt with their mask off like that because people don't

take their mask off the most common injury in paintball in my opinion is sliding into stuff like twisting an ankle slipping yeah someone was asking if paintball in my opinion is sliding into stuff like twisting an ankle slipping someone was asking if paintball was dangerous and and like to me this is the worst injury in the history of paintball you know aside from the other things people is as dangerous as basketball you know you're gonna step on someone's foot you're gonna you know turn your knee you're gonna jam your finger those Those are the real paintball injuries, not the marker. Marker's just skin deep. Oh, I got some good ones.

I got some fucking good ones. Woody's arms are awful. If the head wasn't there, it looks like a hammer was taken to Woody's... We came to play and we didn't stop until the time. I counted 50 fucking shots on me all over my body. 50. My head, when I run my fingers through my hair in the shower, it's like bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. I got eight shots just on my fucking skull.

It was a rough day. My number's not 50. It's five. I have five good ones. There's one here. There's two here. There's one there, and there's one on my thigh. I've got five good ones There's one here. There's two here. There's one there, and there's one on my thigh I've got five good ones two of which are friendly fire you two of which are four of my five good ones Two are friendly fire friendly fire is the worst by far because they're way closer

They like shoot you in the back of the calf and you go down like you just got shot by a real bullet Very the head in the back of my thigh are the two worst ones, probably. These look bad, like this thing here, but it's nothing. I'm glad to see you're bruising as badly as I am, because I was like, God damn, these look bad. I feel like I'm bruising to an unhealthy level. We weren't the only ones not crumpling our guys. He's bruising a lot worse than you are yes his camera is just yeah accentuated looks like

You put it on my level Is on my arm right there? I have them all over my body So that means I had a good time I really enjoyed myself two shoulders hidden and the friendly I had in the fire friendly fire the two shoulders are where I got hit Yeah, I will say this Yes Head and the thigh are friendly fire. The two shoulders are where I got hit. I will say this. He looked like nebulas. Just huge. Meshes of colors on his shoulder and his collarbone. Looks painful. That's all good.

I think I might have screamed at some fans. Did you do that again? Dude, I was hosing this kid down and he wasn't coming out. I was just like, You are out! I remember that. I was that i was in one of those incidences because all right so my gun's a fucking light machine gun it's 325 balls in the thing and

it's just fully automatic like 17 a second or something like that and i'm hosing this guy down and i think it shoots hot and it sounds loud and it shoots fast it sounds different than the other gun yeah it sounds scary yeah it's kind of loud, and I'm just like And it's fucking like I see them like hit his face like pop pop pop pop pop pop pop Like I shoot him like six times in the face like legitimately and then his face disappears And then when it comes back it looks like he went I'm getting pissed because I'm just like you're not gonna cheat because I'm just like, I'm getting pissed because I'm just like, you're not gonna cheat because this is fucking, this is, no, stop.

So I screamed at him. I was like, get out, get out or I'm coming to get you. And he got the fuck out. Kyle, to be fair, last time I went on one of these trips, you and I had a couple times of profound cheating. Oh, yeah. Where we're behind something. Scenario games. You hide for a second. Scenario games are different.

And then you come out and you're all greasy looking. Like there's little chips of it in those little breathing holes, and you're like, I'm fine, ref. I'm fine. I didn't get hit. You think I'm going to walk three miles back to the fucking pizza parlor back there and then come back? No way. I'm completely shameless about that. The scenario is this. It's a scenario game. There's response.

One player is meaningless, but the whole point of me being this thing is they want me out there on the field with the fans having fun with them I'm more than just yeah I rush of course I feel like I'm different than the other players I am VIP he's gonna keep going all right in any case what i'm saying is like i should be out there with the fans like just because i get shot a little and often in those scenario games there's just so many fucking people i'm happy to like take a 10 minute time out i'll do that and oftentimes that's that that's what i would do is i'll just like walk over here and kind of put my hands on my hips and just like give it five minutes catch my breath but i'm not gonna

walk all the way back off because it's just absurd it's such a long distance and the way medics work he just he he like rubs his hand on you and you're good to go again we didn't even have cards with numbers you know he was supposed to write down in in the game we just played that your number when he revives you we didn't have no i gave him a number yeah double seven because because we're VIPs or whatever, we don't have player cards. We didn't have to pay to come. So there's no number.

There's no way for... I'm not saying it to brag. I'm just saying it to illustrate. There's no way for us to legally even exist within the current system. So it's basically like, yeah, just keep wiping the paint off Kyle all day because Kyle should be out there

leading his fans to victory. I tell the medic to turn around if I got shot. I'm not near the medic if I get shot. You go help somebody else. I'm going to go walk to the nice air-conditioned tent over there. That time in the morning when we were doing the, you know, we were throwing the smoke and doing our thing, like I got shot up and the medic healed me, and then I got shot again.

I'm like vlogging the second half of it, and I got shot up and the medic healed me and then i got shot again i'm like vlogging the second half of it and i got shot again and the medic healed me and i'm like we threw some smoke and we're really fucked and the medic keeps healing me and at some point i'm like i'm dead i'm dead i wanted to be dead no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no i'm dead i can't come back from this i can't come back from this. I can't come back from this. I'm going to edit out every single instance of me getting shot on camera because every time I've got a pretty similar reaction, it's usually, fuck, god damn it. Oh, god damn it. That hurt.

And I'll take two or three steps and it'll be like, oh, again. And then you'll just hear me muttering, god damn, that hurt. Oh, that was a bad one. I was going through the footage, and I must do it 20 times. It's great. Do you ever pretend that you didn't get hit because there's a ref looking like, Oh, shit.

Oh, almost got me there. Ah, ah. Oh, these are close. No, I feel like I'm happy to come out. And I'll joke and decide, when we're playing with the fans, I always do come out if I get shot because I'm happy to come out. And I'll joke and decide, when we're playing with the fans, I always do come out if I get shot, because I'm not trying to cheat anybody over.

But in that scenario game, that's just bullshit. I'm not walking all the way back. As I touch my head, like, ooh, yeah, that's one. That hurts. That's a pain spot right there. There's a couple. Yeah, we took our lumps. Yeah, in the scenario game in particular.

Did you do any more grenade suicide runs, Kyle? I did. I had very good ones. So I threw, at some point I noticed there were a lot of smoke grenades laying around unattended. And I absconded with them, if you will. And I distributed them to my allies over here. And so we all had a few smoke grenades. And so later in the day I was by myself. But someone had kind of recruited me to be part of their group and we

were going to try to take this building we were down pushed into a fucking ravine and we had to go up a hill and into a building and it was hard and so i i throw my two smoke grenades up into the the distance and i i get all my troops with me and i'm like i'm like i'm going all the way to that house who's coming with me and like a bunch of you are like and I'm like, I'm going all the way to that house. Who's coming with me? And like a bunch of you are like, yeah, I'm coming. And I'm like, all right, here we go. And I go running into the smoke, just holding the trigger down on my gun as I run and like doing this, pointing into the doorway.

I run all the way into the building and like 14 guys just fucking light me up. And I just like do this and surrender and like go into a corner. And, you know, everybody's like, that was hardcore, man. That was fucking ridiculous. just fucking light me up and I just like do this and surrender and like go into a corner and you know everybody's like that was hardcore man that was that was fucking ridiculous and I look at like no one came with no one they all just watched they watched me get massive the first half of that story where you walked in with the trigger held down is exactly how I imagined war would be it's like when I was a kid I was like it, it seems easy. You just hold the trigger down. You spray them all.

Piece of cake. My KD ratio would have been infinite. I got a couple of clips. There's one where I run in the boat and I literally do. I just hold the trigger down on that gun and I just go, and you can see it just painting people white. It's great.

I love my gun. It's heavy as fuck and I'm not as fast with it as I'd like to be. But whenever I need some firepower, I've got some firepower the speed thing is funny like it it seems like most of the time the difference in speed between someone who's really quick and say me doesn't matter like like yeah we're racing three quarters down the field or two thirds down the field and he gets there literally like eight feet in front of me. And I'm not even running full speed. I'm running comfortable speed.

And that eight feet turns out to be less than a second. It just didn't matter. Yeah. Yeah. If you, if you're willing to run, then everyone kind of runs at about the same speed and paintball, but not the same distance that like,

like there's a clip. There's a clip in one of my videos that I, that I, where I'm just like, I give everybody the pep talk. I'm like, we're going to the boat. Not in front of the boat. Not behind the boat. We're going in the boat.

We're going to occupy it, and it's going to be our boat. And I'm like, we're going through the arch, past the bus, into the boat. And I say this just as simple as that. And everybody's like, yeah, in the boat. And I'm just as simple as that and everybody's like yeah in the boat and i'm not the fastest guy there obviously and i've got this heavy fucking gear all these quick fucking 14 year olds i'm running past them as i go into the boat and me and i don't know who the guy with me was he had a rental gun i remember that we got shit on so fucking bad that's the thing it's not their speed. It's their bravery.

That's the difference. It's all about your bravery. It has nothing to do with your speed. It really doesn't. It's about being willing to push it the extra amount. If you're willing to push one more bunker ahead of where everybody else will, then you get those nice angles

on people. Then you get aggressive, fun kills. If you're someone in your position, Kyle, it's almost better for you to be like, I'm right behind you, go! That way they're all incentivized to run quickly and they don't employ that strategic slowness if you run fast.

It's like, oh, my hopper's getting loose, better slow down, let everybody else get shat on. Because otherwise, you do that thing in paintball where you're running and you think that the troops are behind you. You think that the enemy is looking in fear at this platoon behind me and it's just one maniac running with a couple wisps of smoke behind him from a failed grenade.

All right. So we're 22 minutes into paintball talk. I want to segue. Okay. Next adventure like we should brainstorm on this so i like paintball and i think we'll do it again i think that they like having us and we like doing it and it's a win all around but what else should we do should we take over a river and go whitewater rafting should we go karts are on my mind do we get a whole field of

hot air balloons what's next hot air balloons? What's next? Hot air balloons. You really went off the path with a hot air balloon one there. You snuck that one in like that was another adventure. Kyle and I talked about social activity. Are you guys having fun? Not every

idea is a good one. Kyle and I talked about camping as a big group like 100 people camping together, take over a park or something. No guns at that event. I think Kyle's trying to get a word in edgewise. I did consider doing, what was the other one? I just had it on the tip of my tongue. You made me forget it.

Whitewater rafting. Camping. Hot air balloon. It's promising. That's what it was. It was the hot air balloon. It's promising. The go-kart racing. That's what it was. It was the hot air balloons. Have you ever done that? No.

Have you ever actually? I don't think that would be fun. No. No, it wouldn't. It was the pinnacle of 1880s aviation. Chiz would like it. Someone who likes ancient travel wouldn't be good for several hundred people to be like. Looking down into chimneys, imagining how you could clean it better than their guy.

These are my people. I've got a chimney story. Oh, ideally, you know what I think would be really cool is if everyone went to a theme park, like a roller coaster park, but I don't know how to make that into a thing where... My wife said that. Yeah, but I don't know how we end up

covering our travel expenses and stuff. It would be good if we could work hand-in-hand with wherever we're going so that we can cover our travel expenses and all that stuff. But you can do that with Six Flags over Georgia. That'd be really hard to orchestrate also. Like 50 people going to each ride. You'd just be ruining family's days with each ride that you went to. And you guys would, of course, get to the front somehow. Kyle would finagle his way up well you have your pass you don't have to finagle you just

pay 200 and get that pass that's the only way to go to six flags it's i'm exaggerating with 200 bits it's because i'm bringing a date and and usually it's like 80 but all the fans couldn't afford to do that you'd have to like throw a blanket over chis legs have him wear that hat say he had polio maybe we could get some sort of group discount in there you know like hey we're gonna go on a weekend in september and we're gonna bring 100 people with us and we want the elite tickets for regular ticket prices because we're in a group like this or i don't know yeah that would be cool i love roller coasters um i really enjoy theme parks i like everything about it. From the funnel cakes to the... A franchise one is definitely harder than theme parks like Knott's Berry Farm.

What about Dollywood? Can we go to Dollywood? That's a terrible idea, but Hershey Park in Pennsylvania is good. You make fun of Dollywood? So they've got this whole enclosure. So when you're walking around through the park, there are literally bald eagles flying around above your head and shit. Are they literally bald eagles flying around above your head and shit. Are they literally bald eagles flying over your head? Literally. They're not even figurative bald eagles, Chiz. They're real.

Fuck you and fuck you too. I love that he did it too. He looked up. You and you. Fuck both of you. It's going to work. Would any of our fans even know what Dollywood was? Sounds like a safety hazard first of all Kyle you need to look down down and I think down into your right yeah fuck him him uh-huh and

where's the other one over there that's me you and where's the other one he's over here no why you gotta tell that to me why you were doing that the guy this me? Why you doing that to Kyle? This is totally not talking to anyone. But I think I am. Kyle, I didn't do anything wrong. Hey, who am I talking to right now in this window? This is like a Brady Bunch thing. Yeah, right? Get out of my frame.

What's I gotta say? Oh, Hershey Park in Pennsylvania would be... Pennsylvania would have the kind of rides that you like. That's very funny. Yeah, I like big roller coasters. It would have to be something that isn't a changer park in Ohio. I think Hershey Park would deliver. Okay, so that's a thought. But like I said, maybe hard to orchestrate.

Let's put that on the list. Whitewater rafting I think would particularly lend itself to our type of thing. There's a lot of people on the Colorado River on my way back. I totally want to do that again there you go maybe we bring you know 60 to 100 people out there like i don't know eight people are raft get let get a bunch of rafts out there we got a whole chain we're racing down the river that'd be fucking cool this time no pussy ass rapids i want i want at least one member of the crew to die i want people falling out of boats left and right are you gonna paddle this time, though, is the only question I have.

I paddled last time. I had to kick you at least three times. The guy was like, alright, we're gonna do this maneuver here so we don't die. I need the front to paddle this way. He was so cool with his hand. And Kyle's there with his oar like this. He was trying to get us pumped up like a bunch of yuppies. Kyle kept knocking the rapids. They really- Like a bunch of yuppies.

Those are legit rapids. Oh, cheers! Hang on, guys! We're going to do a big one and I was like, fucking give me a break. Chiz, that first rapid, like the one where you fell out of the boat? That was like a 7-foot fall or whatever. I was going to call it 6, but it could be 7. There was a 13-year-old British girl there holding her own against these rapids. The only rapids better than those are going off of like Niagara Falls and shit.

Cause I've seen a ton of rapids. That's hyperbole. That's- it's ridiculous. It's not! Woody's done it a bunch, ask him. He would know more than anyone here. Chiz is right, Kyle's wrong. Now Chiz did fall out of the boat. Like must have been- Because that fucker said, alright, you wanna lean to the right.

So I leaned. Not move your ass to the right side of the boat, which is what you needed to do. So I fell out of the fucking boat. If you know a lot about rafting, you should have known what he meant. Not, oh! I don't know anything about rafting. That was my first time. Look, the first one was literally a seven-foot straight down drop. And then the whole middle of it.

It was easier than you'd guess in this boat. Like, if you just did the right thing, the boat kind of went down and swam out of it. Yeah, they knew what they were doing. Let me ask you this. If we went off of those without a guide, yeah, it would have been way more intense. Or if you tried to kayak down, and I'm not good at kayaking. I'm sure I'd just nosedive and fall forward. At any point, were you afraid?

Of water? No. Of water. You're asking off-limits. I want to be afraid of what you're afraid. Of water? No. I want to be afraid of what we're doing. I want a rapid where it's like, all right, guys, hang on. We lost eight people here last year. It's funny that you want that because hurricane season's coming up this year

and we'll go surfing. He's like, there could be parasites in this water. There's a turtle right there. Dude, it's mid-July. We can go surfing next hurricane. It'll be in like a month. We've talked about this. You want to be scared?

I swear to God, I'll take you out. I'm not afraid of the hurricane wave. I hate the ocean. I hate all that is the ocean. Every time I hear like, oh, the ocean's getting more polluted, that whole BP spill, I'm just like, who fucking cares. I wasn't going always sunny. I picture you Ocean fuck you. I hate you ocean. I hate the ocean the ocean is shit It's awful it the salt water makes me all itchy it burns my eyes

There's shit in there too that'll bite you and cut you like I was always stepping on conch shells or something cutting my foot open Fucking ever I hate it i hate it i just have bad ocean luck constantly stepping just doesn't know how to navigate water is the problem if you're on a surfboard that those things are not problems the saltwater surfboard besides you oh yeah i just love to bash my head on a coral i took pk dan and i went in the dominican republic and they were like legit they're like we just shouldn't be out here i'm like you're fine and they're like do they know how to serve a little and surfboards are dangerous i saw something on shark week like a decade ago about how sharks look up and they're like oh that's a delicious uh seal or that's a tasty uh turtle underbelly and then it eats you yeah that. That's a fact. Takes a leg off. No, I'm sorry.

As far as PK Adventures go, I'm really checking out of anything in the ocean except, except scuba diving maybe. Oh, you're boring. I'm sorry. That is such an old person thing. Let's go scuba diving. What do you reckon? It was Woody's idea. You're not really countering his eyes an old person yeah all right 8,000 years old in his man like why would you not expect him to say I have it I have it I'm listening contact one of those offshore shark feeding places will swim with fucking sharks will get the shark cage do that

it's not exciting I've done that before yeah let's see I mean the shirts in the five fans that want to join us to the death zone go ahead and you know what actually is pretty cool um i've done this thing where i swam with like i'm not even exaggerating like 1500 um what are the flat things related to sharks stingrays stingrays stingrays yeah the things that kill steve irwin. I swam with... There must... I'm not exaggerating. There were like 1,500 of them.

More than you could count. I don't want to do that. As far as the eye could see, tons of them. It sounds like you got really lucky then, right? No, they do it all the time. 1,500 and one killed Steve Irwin. You know Steve Irwin was fucking with that ray. Come on.

Let's be honest. Here's what happened. He was fingering his ass or giving it a wet willy or something. He was messing with that thing they really hate it when you go like this you shake your wheels outside of water and you really teased it thinks it's gonna get me it's not gonna get me

so the history behind this place is in the Caribbean and I guess the fishermen would come back and then they would be like protected here and that's where they would clean their fish so all the guess the fishermen would come back and then they would be like protected here. And that's where they would clean their fish. So all the time the fishermen would come back. They'd stop where the waves stopped so it wasn't so bouncy. And throw all like the fish guts and stuff over the side. And they were effectively for decades training stingrays that when you see the boats come for the free food.

And now it's a tourist attraction. They show up in the boats, we pop out and we swim with them and feed them. Don't you get stressed out when you're in the ocean like a little bit? Because I remember when I would go snorkeling, this was years and years ago the last time I did it, like even when the guide would be like, oh look at that giant turtle

and you're looking at the turtle. I couldn't look at it for more than like four seconds before I had to whip around, look everywhere around me because it's just a giant chasm of potential danger around me. The predator looking at them like, oh, look at these fucks. They come around every day at three and five and I could eat that thing right now. So we're there and we're on like this big catamaran sailboat, but it's large. It's like 50 or 60 feet long.

And they're like, this guy here is our south african swimmer and he's all perfect but in my head i'm like you're not so hot and uh and they're like he's gonna get the stingrays and you can bring him up and you can kiss him or whatever and uh but there's like 30 tourists on this thing and i'm not getting the attention i want so even though i'm wearing this goddamn life jacket i like power my way to the bottom of the ocean, get my own stingray, and bring it up for people. And I'm like, hey, I got one too! And people are like kissing

it and everything. Hope is like doing her thing. Again, power down. Because the stingrays are on the bottom. I grab it by the front of it and I lift the stingray back up and I'm like, I got another one! And it was like me and this South African dude who worked the sailboat getting stingrays for people. Don't you just know that the captain, like the liability officer,

like, what he thinks that he's just like the king of the sea and he's just watching me like, Hey! Look at fucking Aquaman! Liability officer? This is in the Caribbean. There was a guy with a jockstrap there going, yeah, let's go get some fucking stingrays. The liability officer in the fucking Caribbean. It was fun. Relax. Well, I suggest running with the bulls while we're on the topic of stupid things that'll kill us while we do them.

But a stingray thing is a good idea. It might be expensive, though. I've had a couple uncles. Anything. I had some uncles do that. You could do it, Kyle. I have to point out that the way we got onto the stingray topic was me literally saying, I don't want to do anything in the water.

That's literally how you got to do something. I think how we got on the topic was you saying you swim with sharks. I would swim with sharks because that's fucking cool. I've also always wanted to shoot one with a machine gun, but that's another story. One of your complaints about going in the ocean was there's shit that'll bite me, so the only activity you'll do is the one that puts you closer to things that bite people. It's different. Oh, it's different.

All right, well, let me guide you. So there's a big difference between going snorkeling and, like, looking at fucking coral reefs and shit, and then a shark could come get you, and going, like, offensive against the sharks. Like, if you want to go kill some sharks, like, we can go do that. Then I'm prepared for the shark. I got my shark suit. I got my shark gun. I got my shark gun. I got my shark cage. I'm on shark killing duty.

He wants to do shark fighting. What activity is this where you get to kill actively sharks and you're on the offense? Every activity I know is you're in a cage just hoping it holds up while you stare at them eat chum. Shark fighting. That's not a thing. Shark fighting is not a thing. We can just go crabbing if you want something dangerous one thing i always wanted to do people like there was a couple guys who were like oh i got this boat we could film some stuff off the coast of florida and i've always wanted to chum up like a shark

like not an enormous shark okay like a six eight foot shark something like that and then i think maybe i want to you know those ice axes you know what an ice axe place pick i could is that what you're thinking of like an ice axe like you like like like oh yeah yeah yeah i know exactly right right i want to jump onto a shark's back with ice axes and hook them in and ride him down under the under the waves That is a terrible idea. Kyle's going to do his will before this. And everybody's always like, oh, that's so stupid because you're going to hit this shark and then he's going to kill you.

Imagine this from the shark's point of view. All of a sudden, a fucking man ape jumps from the sky above and stabs you twice and holds on really tight. He knocks the fuck out of you. You try to escape, but he's gone underwater with you. When you finally shake him loose, are you really gonna turn around and face off with him again? No, you're gonna get the fuck out of there. He's a fish. Yeah, I give you one second. Yeah.

That fish is gonna run. You will immediately know that you made a grave error. So this is coming from the guy that doggy paddles. This guy got defeated by a turtle, by the way. A turtle. He lost a battle with a turtle, but now he wants to step up the shark. That turtle is dead at the bottom of that river, and we all know it. No confirmed kills here.

No confirmed kills. I killed that turtle. That turtle is dead. You should not. That's like me shooting into a my corner and paintball and going yeah All those dudes are out. I can't see them His turtle blood and there was no turtle blood there was so much turtle blood that it made me ill It was so thick he had a doggy paddle the safety oh my god going forward I want to fly over an hour. I killed so killed so many turtles, it soaked into my skin.

I don't know. I got turtle mania. At some point. I think it's called. That's why we had to come back. I murdered that turtle. It was fucked. Turtle Berlokithai. I had it in my head before I tried to say it. Turtle Berlok... No, that's hard.

See? Turtle Berlokilus. I was going for a turbulocus, but I can't say that either right now. Turbulocus. Turtle locus? I'll go with that. I don't know. Turtle age.

I prefer that. Turtle age works. Okay, moving on. Don't take him into the ocean to have him jump around onto sharks. You will stab a shark if you hit it because the inertia of that axe like this isn't a video game where you're just some you know dragonborn and the shirts not gonna go what the fuck as soon as he splashes the water in it senses the water be no he's gonna be up

at the top skimming along the top getting some chumps some blood some fish this is our wings picking a fight right here you're like I want one shark six to eight feet okay his back is exposed he might be a little drowsy we put something in there with the chum wings has the right idea I'd fight a shark under wings scenario here it is on shark in water i'm on a boat or perhaps like a lifeguard stand with a sniper rifle shoot shark that's that's a good idea i want to fight a shark uh hand to hand if you will no you don't no well your hands aren't hand axes so let's get that out i feel like hand weapons we're we're human beings we're unarmed by nature. They don't even have hands, so this whole thing is falling apart hand in hand.

Tile's shark fighting prowess is just like my anti-electricity. Totally fake. Like it's not a real thing. Look, I'm just saying I completely believe that I could kill a shark with my bare hands. I'm not sure you could kill a trout. I would love to take this bet if it didn't mean me winning is you dying, you know? I would love to take that bet. I feel like worst case winning as you die. You know, like I would love to take that bet. I feel like worst case scenario, he's scared shitless of me from now on.

That's the worst case scenario? No, no, no, no. He goes down to the deeps and he's like, that one jumped me. Look at my back, look at my back dude, he cut me the fuck open. He rode me down to 80 meters before he let go. How about, alright, step one, we'll do this. We'll do this in a cage and you can reach your hands out and go, ha, while you're in a cage.

And if he runs away woefully scared, then we know you're right. I need to be above the water's surface when I strike my blow. That way I have full arms. Okay, but how about you don't jump out of the boat? How about you don't do that part? I have to leap upon him like a predator. These things, you're attacking

an animal that literally doesn't have the capacity for fear you know what I call this video Kyle's higher low FPS Russia dies no live live league shark attack I get it yeah but it's a little twist there I'm trying to do it there it's gonna be a shark attack is what's going to happen. It's a fucking twist. I can picture this happening. You're going to jump in, take one missed swing. Your arm's going to go into its maw, and then you're going to pull your arm out

too fast, and it's going to look like a raw chicken bone. Just no flesh. Just peeling off, sloughing. Kyle, this idea that you want to do is so uncommon. Google doesn't like... If I Google what would happen if you attacked a shark, it's all about sharks attacking you. Then I Google what would happen if you jumped a shark. It's all about Fonzie.

We're tired of taking their shit, so I'm going to take the fight to them. I'm going to attack a shark. You are not going to do that. Let's expand on this. what if it was an alligator oh that's more dangerous I think oh I would destroy an alligator okay because a guy do you see the thing I leaked last week he jumped he said fuck the crocodiles and jumped in the water and got eaten so I read that article he his mistake was was that he didn't see the big crocodile he saw our gator i think he saw a small

alligator and everybody had warned him there's a big alligator in there and he's like no it's not so big because he's drunk and they're like no you don't understand that's not the one we saw there's a much larger one sir no one could communicate that to him so he jumped in thinking like you know i'll show them like that little thing can't even hurt a person but there was an enormous one in there and it fucking ate him it fucking ate him like they watched it like take him down and drown it's an awful way to die yeah because they grab you and then they start doing that death roll thing yeah they break whatever they grab during that role like oh yeah but they i don't know it's like a rotisserie chicken when you tear the leg off you ever done that?

Yeah, yeah. Crack, crack, crack, crack. Right. Like imagine that happening to your leg and you're not dead yet. But now your leg is all ruined. They can't put that back together again. Yeah, and then he kills you and drags you under. You're drowning while he's ripping your limbs off.

It's a yucky death. It's not one of my favorites. Well, after I attack the shark, I'll attack the alligators. No. You will do no such thing. There will be a part two to this Kyle goes on the offensive video. There's some 14 year old fan believing this steaming pile of horseshit. It's gonna be a whole series of videos.

It's gonna- it's- you know, first I'm gonna attack the shark. Sponsor, blue sheep. Then the alligator. Then we go after a lion. I don't know. Red Cross can sponsor and become one't know. Red Cross can sponsor. Red Cross can sponsor. Maybe Kaiser wants to sponsor this. Gecko. A couple Indian Serbs involved.

I got some stuff in my PO box. Let me run upstairs and grab that and then maybe you guys can start some AMA questions. While Kyle's going, more seriously, those of you that are watching this ready to leave comments or if you're on the subreddit, hit us with your ideas for PKA group events. Hashtag SharkAttack2016. No.

Stop it, Kyle. Get out. Yeah, so if you have a good idea, like, oh, why aren't they saying, you know, this thing? It's awesome. this thing. It's awesome. It should be kind of expensive enough that the people want to put it on like whoever's hosting it. It should hold a lot of people.

Think big. It should hold 100 people, 200 people. And ideally it would happen near a population center. If you've got this really great idea but it takes place on the South Pole, not good. Preferably the United States too just because that's where more fans are and it's

easier to work things out with people for expenses and stuff like that but i'm not even yet married to the u.s but like you said it's cheaper for the people to put it on stuff yeah it cuts into to the cost of things and stuff but that's what i do like when i think oh will this be a good idea i look i google like what are the top five biggest go-kart places in the u.s because i need to be able to accommodate like you know between 80 to 200 people and stuff like that you know and we had an idea of playing putt-putt golf but i feel like it should be more of a like it should be awesome even if we aren't there you know paintball qualifies for that like if you play paintball this weekend and especially

if it's new to you it's like yeah i did an amazing thing saturday and sunday i went and played paintball and it was incredible. I was scared, but I was brave, but it was this, it was that. Go-kart racing has that. Apparently, shark attacking has that. But putt-putt, I don't know. We've actually thought of that. There might be some people where that's just their speed.

I'm doing that one. Really? Yeah. Jackie sent me some parks. I looked at some parks. These are fucking legit. Not that crap you went to in Raleigh. I looked at some parks. These are fucking legit. Not that crap you went to in Raleigh.

I'd never been to such a bad park. New topic. Chiz is trying to steal my wife from me. I go through these logs. They talk a lot. They talk a lot. You guys don't talk. I like to talk to people. And if people want to message me, I'll message back.

Chiz is on a train, 24 by 7, chatting up my wife. There's no one to talk to on a fucking train. And I'm not going to bother you guys with boring conversations about garbage. I appreciate that. Nice. King of Cocks. I like it. In fine print, it says a Jordy Jordan production.

It should be an intense camping production. That would be cool too. What was I going to say? We were just talking. Maybe putt-putt golf is a good idea i don't know i just feel like like if i was hypothetically holding a go-kart racing thing people would love to come to it because it's incredible if it's putt-putt golf maybe it's harder to draw people i don't know i don't know or it's easier like i said because it appeals to more people you know with like something that's dangerous like paintball, which it is because, you know, Woody's got the worst injury you're going to see.

But like, you know, the reason I didn't play a lot of that second day was because we had a bad side with a fucking ravine in it. And it is a hassle like no other to go down in it safely, up it safely, and then to do it again because I'm out of the fucking game. Because you'll roll an ankle and people get hurt all fucking day. It was like a V-shaped thing, a ravine. It was maybe 25 vertical feet. I'm just guessing. Woody caught himself at one point. It was really slick.

It had just rained, so it was like slick mud. I fell down the ravine. Yeah. I didn't fall down the ravine. I fell down the ravine. I went up and down it like an old man. I was doing this thing. I was running down it, and I was like, like i got this i don't give a fuck my legs just shot out from under me and i fell all the way into the creek so someone from what he's was basically

like a controlled fall yeah i would like fall from tree to tree there was a tree yeah yeah well it was almost intentional it was like all right there's a tree five feet from me i'll fall toward that and save myself and then i just went from tree to tree and there was one point where you were like A cartoon where your feet couldn't get any traction anywhere and luckily there's a tree right there And I was like I ain't having any of this It was difficult. Yeah cleats would have been good had I known but yeah, all right, so what do you got here Kyle? Yeah, bodybuilding calm they sent me all this stuff, so there's a shaker Oh, shut up!

These people get thousands of dollars in advertisement for fucking nothing. Bodybuilding.com! Home of the doesn't pay shit for PKA ads fucking nerds. Where the homos rape you when you do squats. Suck a dick, bodybuilding.com! Yes! Look at you! Fucking... Put that down.

Misspelled evil bullshit. This is urine. Power urine. Suckadickbodybuilding.com They sent me all this protein powder. Get the fuck out of there. They didn't pay for this. Get out of here. Put that shit away. I don't know where these pills are, but they sent me these.

They shrink your testicles. There's a magazine here. Oh my god. Kyle, get this shit off the thing. You can't get free advertising by mailing your product to Kyle. They just sent me this stuff. I don't know these people. Suck a dick. I don't know who sent me this.

There was no thing for it. Kyle's going to urinate in that box and burn it. I'm going to have to have another Monster Energy drink if you don't stop me. Yeah, so P.O. Box 102, Carsville, Georgia, 3051. I'm just going to have some Jose Cuervo. 35% proof I'll take a couple of those pills see if it like changes you throughout the show I just told it this has become a new thing like all these people who don't

want to sponsor the show just send Kyle like shit I think that's what it is I know yeah absolutely stupid bands of those fucking stupid bands he emailed me three times and I was trying to work out a thing with him and he just sent you crap. Oh you didn't tell me that. Well fuck bodybuilding.com. Yeah dude fuck them. And fuck any other company that like wants free sponsorship.

Fucking suck a dick. You pieces of shit. Your company's a failure. Your company's a failure that's why you can't pay for advertising. Don't buy that shit. Your company's a failure. Your company's a failure. That's why you can't pay for advertising Don't buy that shit. It'll be gone. Chiz, don't smoke those Marlboros. They don't pay. Got to buy a gamble. Stay thin everybody.

Oh, we got some AMA questions then? Yeah. I forgot to do that. Do what? You just have to click a link. You forgot to do what? Oh, oh, yeah, it's right there in the thing. Oh, no, I got it. There we go.

What's the status with Woody's Lab? I don't know. What is it, Woody? Woody's Lab 2017. I had this big passion for doing Woody's Lab a year ago or something. And then so much time passed and and i i don't know i don't want to say it'll never happen but i almost want to say it so people stop asking about it but um and then i've had this idea that like you know shucks what if i

fired that thing up and kyle and i made videos together like it was just a regular thing like every month or two we like all right we're gonna do a shoot two days Like every month or two, we like, all right, we're going to do a shoot. Two days on Kyle's stuff, two days on mine. Not even allure to that because you know it's not going to happen. Everybody's busy and you're doing house stuff and you're just not in the mood right now. So change the date on your Woody's Lab channel to coming never. Never. There you go. 2025.

You got a decade to get involved. It won't happen. Can you just do simple shit to satiate people? Like throw stuff in the microwave? No, this can't be a pussified Oh, because that's unique. He's never done that before. No, he can't just put more stuff, you idiot.

That's why I've had that idea too, but I almost feel like if I kick it off and do something that's not exceptional, then that might be worse than waiting until I'm passionate about it so yeah if i'm gonna put videos up there they're gonna be videos i'm proud of that's that's the idea it's supposed to be cool but yeah yeah i have ideas kyle has lots of kyle that's his

superpower or one of them anyway i imagine it so here's the new one i came up with the on the last episode i was just kind of daydreaming but imagine these tires you know how tires will roll down a hill i was thinking like yeah i could put an x in the middle with like some boards and in the middle have the explosives so you've got those things rolling down the hill and you just shoot them with a rifle as they roll past you and they'll explode that's gonna be really fun kyle do you what's the the x oh oh it's in the tire, so the explosives are right in the middle of the tire. I like that. Do you remember where the potato cannon idea came from?

Not exactly, no. We were playing DayZ, and I think you or I found a potato, and you were like, there should be a pipe, and you can make a fucking potato gun in this game. Yeah. Do you still have that thing? Is it functional? Yeah, it's upstairs. It's a dildo now, but it's still functional.

We use it for anal plug insertion. It's for high velocity enemas. Just open up and clear out. Yeah, I've still got the potato gun. It's on the front porch, actually, just in case I need to do any potato gunning. Of course, as one tends to do. I shot at a cat with it a while back.

It was pretty... Did you hit the cat? No, he was really far away. We used to shoot cats with... That's like what serial killers do. Yeah, so... Yeah. In Apex, we would have like neighbors the neighbors like fed cats so

there were all these stray cats or i don't know if you call them feral cats i don't know what point a cat becomes feral or whatever but um we had a play set with a little like sand the place that had like a small house and then underneath that a sandbox and the cats would use it like their kitty litter box so for christmas i got jackie an airsoft gun but it was a really weak like spring-loaded thing and um she didn't she couldn't really hit the cats very effectively but she'd fire the pellets toward the cat and scare him off i don't know if i ever hit any either but i wasn't aiming for near the cat i was like fuck that so i'm not really that's what you saw yeah i mean it's you're not going to damage a cat with this spring-loaded airsoft pistol i still have it i could go get it actually but um you in the eye with it i might do some damage yeah no we did we yeah it's pretty much for stray animals and stuff that we don't

want around i'd shoot a deer with it or something if I didn't want it pooping in my yard. You want to see it? I'll go get it. This is airsoft or pellet? Airsoft. Airsoft, I guess. It still doesn't hurt anything. Yeah, right?

It's just... Hold on. Yeah, it's not like really needlessly cruel to wild animals or anything. Well, is it really needlessly cruel if it were metal pellets anyway? I mean, there's shit in your fucking sandbox. You don't really have to shoot anything at a deer to get it to walk away. Just walk tentatively towards it and it'll sprint off. Unless you're in a really populated area with hundreds of deer.

Did you see the look on Fearcrad's face when I was talking about cutting the deer's throat? He was less than enthused about the thought of that. Oh, that's funny. Oh, those silly Brits, or wherever he was from. Somewhere like that. Sometimes I have a hard time telling who's from England and who's from Australia. Not really. They say certain words, otherwise sometimes I get lost in the ether of their accent.

Who knows? I catch it every time. otherwise sometimes I get lost in the ether of their accent who knows I catch it every time did either of you watch the Babadook I did I watched the Babadook the ending I haven't seen it yet I haven't finished it it's the part where the Babadook fucking falls on top of her

and like it's turned off right there I haven't turned it back on what a great place to resume so people got a week so spoilers alert Like, it's turned off right there. I haven't turned it back on. What a great place to resume. Where the Babadook. Okay, so people got a week. So spoilers alert because I'm going to ruin it. They've been talking about it all week on the show. Yeah, well, the Babadook jumps on the ceiling,

and then she looks over the covers, and the Babadook, like, jumps down on her, and, like, that's where we turn the TV off. Oh, see, the way you talked about it made me think it was just going to be, like, I was going to be sitting there, like, terrified the whole time. But, like, it was creepy.

There were some creepy parts. That little kid was infuriating like just aggravating and then his mom got to be infuriating at any given point half the characters were aggravating and not so much scary but i don't think it was nearly as scary as you were leading me to believe and the ending is horrific just not horrific like good oh my god great scary movie good wrap-up horrific as in like what did any of this mean and why did I spend an hour and a half watching this? Babadook? Babadook, yes. The ending was terrible. It was awesome.

What? It sounds pretty good from what Woody said and everyone on the subreddit, the analysis behind it and whatnot. And it's got 100% everywhere rated, which is hard to do for a horror movie. Didn't I write to you the ending and the explanation to it? You might have put it in the chat, but I hadn't watched it at that point last week. I watched it in the last week since the last show. I haven't finished it up either. Let's see that

pellet thing that Airsoft got. See, it's just an Airsoft pistol. Can you shoot yourself with it? It's not loaded, so there's not... Could you load it? I don't know where the pellets are. I can move my hair a little bit, I think. You just shoot right here.

Watch, my hair will move. So, yeah, this is what we use to shoot cats and whatnot when they get in the yard. Very nice. What a humanitarian. That is being kind. All the other guns are real. AMA questions? Yeah, I'm looking through them here.

I'm trying to find some good ones. Hypothetical situation. In the future, America enters a massive world war. Your 18-year-old child is call drafted. Drafted would work. If they are healthy enough for military service but don't want to go at all what do you do tell them to serve their country help them make a medical excuse excuse maybe send them off to canada well i mean if you love the kid you wouldn't send them

to canada clearly yeah of course no i mean i'm not sending them to canada um out of the question uh medical excuse they're pretty stringent with that so you're not going to be like oh he gets nervous on planes and they're going to be like oh we don't want him over there is it they're calling in the draft really they're not though if they if there's small things wrong with you they won't take you like my my dad has one foot bigger than the other and they wouldn't take him in nom they won't take people for like flat feet stuff like that but that's stuff that like you don't make an excuse for it's like they call you in and you can't really replicate it either back knee was like okay you're disqualified from further evaluation thanks for coming

people who have a goodie bag on the way out but uh yeah there's nothing you can do you got to send them it'd be awful that you'd have to back knee yeah i'm trying to get it in but yeah if you got the back knee stuff going on they'll you don't have to serve yeah you can't get in um so cross bite yeah a lot of other stuff i don't is that a true one no we need perfect specimens to be killed all right come on now if my kid really didn't want to serve and there was a massive world war i don't think anyone's kid would want to otherwise they wouldn't have to be called in by the draft they would already be there well it depends during all those big like we need to call in the draft times everyone gets really patriotic and wants to sign up and fight

and shit like that's true that's what i was gonna say like i know in world war ii i wasn't alive yet in reality but um it was like a thing. Like everyone just assumed they were going and, you know, wanted to go, figured they would go. In all the high schools, like gym classes, they were like prepping for army boot camp and stuff like that. It was a normal thing. What are you looking at, Kyle? You. No, you're not.

I'm straight. We're side by side. So you're looking the right way, but you need to look horizontally side by there perfect that's me here oh jesus okay all right then so what would you do would you actually like i know that it'd be a patriotic time but would you send your kid with like well wishes or would you try and come up with something i think i'd try to come up with a non-violent role in there like you know how can i help my kid have an it role you know the information technology how can we get them in i was gonna say army reserves like that's what george bush did the the recent one the president

he flew jets around texas and stuff and never had to really serve it was his way of draft dodging yeah um sounds like an awesome time flying jets around Texas during the war. It's nice when your dad's a senator or a VP or whatever he was at the time. But yeah, his father was very powerful politically and he didn't have to really serve. That's what I try and do. I try and keep them out of danger.

But I don't think I do the whole draft dodger thing. And there are some roles, you know, they talk about how dangerous the military is, and obviously it is. But, like, if you go to the Iraq War, I'm pretty sure it was more dangerous to be a lumberjack than an Iraq War soldier. Really?

Well, that's not surprising. I imagine being a lumberjack is incredibly dangerous. But they still, it might not be dangerous, but a lot of those people still come out with PTSD and other fucked up shit too. That's true. And that's not a joke. No. Lumberjacks aren't getting that.

They don't walk into a forest and melt down. That's true. What was I going to say? Oh, so during the last war, I was into off-roading a lot. And a lot of the people who were into that were also in the military. And these guys made a big deal out of their service. They were so brave and they were so grown up and they've seen some shit. But what they did is they fixed helicopters.

And nobody was really hurt. And they used to steal helicopter parts for their trucks all the time which i didn't really respect so um yeah also like like here's the deal like this part would cost you like 90 bucks so it's expensive but it and it's like fuck man but anyway assume that they have to go into a combat scenario like they don't get tech tech stuff so they can't go into that the air force says no you're not good enough to come in here it's my understanding that it's more difficult to get into the air force than the other branches i could be wrong i'm not sure like so they're going to be infantry or marines or something like that like what would you do then knowing that they'd go into combat

knowing that they're lit like they're in the most dangerous because you're like combat all right can we get them in the navy i think the survival rate on that might be quite high but let's assume we're getting they're literally going to be the guy in the in the swamp with the ar-15 over there no m16 over their head um draft dodge i i i my kids would have dual citizenship so i can leave and he doesn't want to do it i i don't know that's a really tough to make. If he asked you to break his arm, like right now, so he doesn't have to go, would you do it without hesitation? Or like smash it? I guess you'd have to cut off a finger, really. That'd be really hard on me to do that.

The other option is you're never going to see your kid for at least four to six years or something, and he might die during that time period as well. Cut a finger off? It's hard on me because we're literally talking about Colin. Now, I guess Colin probably wouldn't get drafted. He's got his own issues. But a hypothetical draft-worthy Colin, he is so sweet. He is really, really nice. He's not built for war.

This is the third kid that would have been in line next to carry your name into war. You don't know Todd. Todd's just an average kid. If we're being honest, Todd's a bit of a dick. Todd's a shithead. Send him. Maybe Todd needs to grow up a little and we send him. But just pretending there's a version of Colin that speaks and hears just fine, then he's not built for war, man man that that kid is too sweet he likes everyone um

well he's not in ballet so you can take off a pinky toe they probably would get you in trouble for that like if they were inspecting him they're like oh there's a very clean did you fall on a boat cutter and then fall onto the handle of it? Whoa! Like, they would probably send you to jail or something for intentionally dodging out of a boat. Well, let's be real. It's not going to be like, here's the draft. You have to go up, show up tomorrow. You'd have a couple days to heal, and they wouldn't really know it was plain cuts. You swallow gum wrappers.

You give yourself a stomach ulcer, and then you're done. No, you don't. That sounds way worse than losing a pinky toe, which is worthless. You could always just attack a shark. Then you won't have to worry about the battle. Let them know you're busy in your shark escapades. Oh, you've got bigger things to deal with. My thing was totally better.

You keep all your pieces. You get a stomach ulcer, which heals eventually, and you're fine. Yeah, if nothing goes wrong. Nothing's going to go wrong. Don't be a pussy. You want me to cut your toe off? Yeah. You can eat a little tinfoil. Not enough not enough to give you want to give yourself a so you always

thread the line with danger like I need to get a stomach you want to cut off my fucking toe we're done we're done at pinky toe all right not I've just corrupt I've just torn the lining of my stomach and now I'm bleeding into my fucking intestines that heals I don't know which toe is the best one to lose. I suspect it's not pinky It's not a middle one. It's probably the second one to the pinky or whatever cuz you lose your balance Oh, yeah, that is what but the pinky toe is the one they will not take you because you lose your balance with it Get your feet off the screen So our big toe that would be oh

Joe isn't it incredibly hard to walk you can't lose the big or is that like you really need the big toe. That would be, if you lose your big toe, isn't it incredibly hard to walk? You can't lose the big toe. You really need the big toe. You might as well cut off the fore. Kyle, can we see your incredibly hairy caveman feet? All right. Now, to be fair, his feet are not incredibly hairy. I saw them again up close. That's a normal man's foot right there.

I don't know. I feel like the camera's not really capturing the full hairy essence. I saw it in person. He has inch-long toe hairs. He does have very long toe hairs, but they're kind of sparse. He just has dark hair. He has dark hair. I just feel like the camera's not capturing the essence of his cave toes.

Everyone's got their fill. You can put it down. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like myself, Chiz, and kyle we can't even begin to answer this honestly because we don't have children so oh yeah yeah all right you know i think he wants me to hurt him i'll hurt him i think i'd send him i think i'd send him in there and uh because i don't think that the alternatives are better what if they're fighting aliens though then i'll go

What if they're fighting aliens, though? Then I'll go. Give me a blaster! Yeah. All right, what's the next question? I guess you'd have to say... Edge of Tomorrow aliens. There you go. Oh, that'd be sick.

That'd be sick. What would you change physically? For example, would you want to be taller or shorter, a different race, et cetera? A different race? All right, well, no one's picking that one. Let's be real. We hit the lottery

with this white thing. Let's be real. I'm going to dance around with a little hint of Middle East in there. You going to trade in that white card? Chris Rock said the thing. He's like, all you white people wouldn't trade with me.

And I'm rich. Shit, if I were to change something physically, I think I'd get skinny enough to have my abs back. That's where I think I want to be. I could be taller as well. All right, there you go. Let's change it. It's things you literally cannot change right now

without some form of plastic surgery You can lose weight and get your six-pack nice to be a little taller Like it'd be nice to be like six foot three three you think you don't think that's too tall Nah, I'm six foot. I think six three is the way to go. Yeah. Yeah, it is a good height You're really taller than everybody. I mean I want slightly longer fingers You're really taller than everybody. I want slightly longer fingers. Why?

Do you have trouble with certain things? No, just slightly because then I can play guitar better. Can you fully grip yours? Because I can't fully grip mine. I need bigger hands like Palma basketball. Yeah, exactly. I've got to have one hand on top, one on the other, and I just kind of do this motion with it.

Oh, that's why I haven't used the auto blow yet. It doesn't fit my junk. It's like a mini beer keg. What am I going to do with one hand? Taylor, I'll send you my autoblow if you want, and you can try it out. I don't want your autoblow. There is an autoblow for Taylor somewhere in his apartment building, I think,

just waiting for him because it's his shift. It was just like, we need his apartment number, and I gave it to him and Thought that it got sent to the wrong place And so I went to both the post office and to the people at the front desk at the post office The guy didn't ask I'm like hey expecting the package and the guy was like, oh nothing here Then I went to the front office people and I was like, hey, I should have got something a while ago They're like, what was it? I had to be like, ah

Certainly not a blowjob machine. It's a thermos. It's a thermos. You know that I live with a real woman, right? Like, no, I'm not a United States Postal Service officer using your auto blow somewhere. That thing is awesome. I have no shame

about it. It just sits on the nightstand. It's hilarious. Yeah, yeah. I painted lips on it. It's great She's you need to reach out to real ball. Yeah, I put a fake mustache on it and everything Real doll you're not familiar with real doll. I know I mentioned You guys are being a little doll list I I Jackson didn't even know I agree I agree the doll is too far because no Howard's aren't had him on now it's turn sponsor was sponsored by real doll for a While yeah, I would I would be sponsored by them, but I don't want one. I don't I wouldn't pay for one I want one now hey if they'll give me one out. She'll sit right fucking next to yeah every show Exactly it'll be here. next to me every show. Yes! Exactly. It'll be fucking me and her.

Dude, I will fucking, for the real doll thing, we can redo the layout and have her in one of the boxes. Oh. But like, how do you ship that? Like, do you have to remove legs and then put it back together? Or is this one human-sized thing that you have to put into a coffin of sorts to ship around and move? Yes! Yes! That's just- it's upsetting! I don't wanna open that and pull packing peanuts away from a silicone face that's looking at me creepily. You open it up and there she is, ready to roll.

Like, like- Like, real doll unboxing video would be great. They exist, I'm sure! Let's- let me see if I can find one. That's like step one to becoming a serial killer. Like, that's, uh- Step two is the cats. But I- I the cats but uh yeah i just don't like the idea of that i guess i like the idea of it i don't like the oh my god it's a real thing

to confirm your age well i'm signed throw that in the chat i don't remember this one i think is the best one oh my god there's like a minute of intro. Let's see what Woody says. Yeah. I want one that I don't remember. That's small. That's child real doll right there. Oh shit. No, that's the travel edition.

What the hell? You can bring it on a bus. Oh no. It's Peter Dinklage, that's who it is. Mine is not a good one. Mine probably is, it's you got to skip through intro Let's say 156 centimeters that Actually, this all look relatively small. Why are they all small?

All right skip to 250 on mine is here's the Of course, it's Japanese. Of course. It's Japanese DS doll official. Oh No, I'm not gonna look at that Of course it's Japanese. DS doll official. Oh, no. I'm not going to look at that. Yeah, run 250. Oh, the head's separate. Okay.

Wow, they ship it without a head. This is really eerie. Is he lubing those boobs? I can't share this. I feel like it's essentially a naked person. Well, fuck it then. Anyway, it's a sex doll that looks so real, we can't even show it to you. I'm scared.

I don't like that at all. Exactly, but I could definitely have her have her say sit next to me in a pair of Victoria's Secret lingerie I will fuck that thing on camera Every show That's how it'll start Me like puffing and puffing behind this real doll Like I could see her leaning forward head toward the camera like you dead eyes

Yeah, that's oh Yeah, that's horrific if we get sponsored by them, then it's a wonderful product, but yeah, I'm not reaching out Oh my god. Go to our find. Find someone. Come on. Oh, anyway, physical attributes. Kyle, you were saying you want to be Yeah, let's be six foot three. That'd be cool, right? If I'm gonna wish or if I'm gonna use my one wish. Let's make my dick bigger too. Let's make it, like, I mean, why not?

Like, I think everybody is like, ah, I wish it was, like, a little bit bigger, right? Like, then I could then I could swat flies out of the air and such. You know, at some point like things only southern gentlemen think about when getting drunk i wish i could really swat the buzzards with mccock you know yeah how big are you wanting to go i i would not want a bigger dick at all um i could not be a grower that would would be cool. So I'd look better at the locker room and impress guys and stuff.

I would take that. But anorexia is fucking... Wait, you said you could not be a grower. You mean you want to be a grower. You mean you... Okay, you want to be a grower. I said it right, but it kind of convoluted. Yeah, I'd rather be a grower.

I'd rather be a grower. But when it's game time like because there's really no advantage to being a grower i don't think none whatsoever yeah it's not like you know like like i ever want the thing to be small or you know i don't know like you're at the locker room you're like i wish i had half a chub because i'm not really representing what i got going on right now i need to not embarrass myself let me me get a half going. 65% of a job. You're being in a locker room, right? Right, right?

That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. I'm not gay, but look around. Who wouldn't enjoy this? But, yeah. Longer you just be bottoming out, it wouldn't be right. She'd die, you know.

She'd have bloody noses every session if you only get like one I love how you use a car if you would you have to get weird with it like I don't like Kyle's I want to be six three no I think it's not enough if I'm gonna do like a height based one I'm gonna get weird with it I want to be like seven foot four like so much that people are like Jesus fuck like what the hell is that guy what a teen like so it's just uncomfortable for everyone around me then like voice where it's like oh like just so deep that like vibrates people's a military issue now. I'm like taking

pictures with, I'll go to Japan and live there, like be a celebrity just for being tall. If you're gonna do a height wish one, you have to, well no, I wouldn't be Japanese. I'd be 7'4". You can't change two. Don't get greedy. You get one. I'd still be white.

I'm changing that. Alright, so I'm going through these other questions. Do you see any good ones? I wanted the fast food one. Do you think we should start tipping fast food workers? No. In fact, I want to take away money from you for wasting time or being a retard.

They're bad at their jobs. They don't deserve what they're getting paid. They fucked up my order at Taco Bell today. The point of a tip is you've done a service. They're punching numbers in a machine doing this, and then someone in the back cooks, and then they go, here's your order. Or they're at the drive-thru fucking up Kyle's cup and filling it in correctly. I had a horrible Taco Bell experience a week ago, Kyle.

It was a little after the show last week where you had mentioned Taco Bell. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to – something about the way he was, you know, just talking about it really got me in a Taco Bell mood. I hadn't had it in forever. Kyle's a Taco enthusiast. Yeah, I know.

I got my standard chicken quesadilla, which you cannot fuck up a chicken quesadilla, so I'm not giving them credit for making a decent one. They put jalapeno sauce on there. It's very tasty. I didn't know that was an option. I'll try it in a year when I go for my... It comes with it. You just don't

know it. Oh, okay. I also got the spicy taco, the one where it's the red taco shell. I was like, hey, you still got those spicy tacos? The lady was like, yeah. I'm like, alright, I'll get one of those. And so I got it home. There was no meat in my taco. It was just a shell

with a ton of lettuce and some cheese and some shit tier e coli tomatoes i hate there was no healthy filler than meat literally no meat or not enough meat no no no literally no meat it was a meatless taco it was a shell with lettuce and a little bit of cheese and those shit tomatoes i feel like like the world of fast food workers right now is totally overplaying their hand right they're all pushing if you don't know in amer of fast food workers right now is totally overplaying their hand. Right. They're all pushing.

If you don't know in America, fast food workers are pushing for a higher minimum wage. They should be making $15 an hour. They got it. McDonald's got them. Yeah. Maybe McDonald's. But the minimum wage nationally hasn't been pushed up. I just feel like, man, it's not just me being some elitist when I tell you every worker in the world or every worker in America is competing with two things, automation and global workforce. So if you're a programmer, they're not really automating out your job just yet, but you are competing with other people who can do it from around the world.

If you're a fast food worker, you're mostly competing with automation. They can have the drive-thru guy in India asking for, you know, what you want to get. But more realistically, like if you think taking the fries out of that burning oil when the beeper goes off and putting it in the other thing to apply salt is something that can't be automated,'re crazy if you think that people won't gladly punch in their thing like they do at home depot by themselves then you're crazy it people will love that i totally agree i would rather do that take the gross humans out of it i want to go i want a number one all right i wait five yes okay and there it drops down through a fucking uh done dumb waiter or whatever. There we go. I never get what I order.

Like, most of the time, I don't even tell them what I really want because I don't think they can handle it. Yeah. I leave things out when I go to Taco Bell. I have a list when I go there, and I leave it out because I'm like, you're not paying attention to what the fuck I'm rambling on. I feel like if I were to tell them that I want no tomato, but I want extra mayonnaise and to add pickles to this chicken sandwich,

it would blow their mind so badly they'd leave the chili right out like they can't fucking handle it they're so incompetent at my local fast food restaurants that we sit like i put the car in park and then like when they hand me the bag i'm like looking through it and they look at me like i'm an asshole but like 30 of the time they're wrong and it's just like no my nachos aren't here like no you left two orders of fries out like you, you left half the food out. Like, you only gave me one bag. What are you doing? Where's the rest of it?

You're spilling drink on me. They're terrible at their job. They're awful at it. There's no, I almost never go to a fast food place and I'm like, wow, that guy was really on his shit. I just kind of ran through what I wanted. It's always like, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, man. Whoa, whoa, extra pickles? What the fuck?

Where's the pickle button? When I go to Home Depot, there's one person working eight registers. I'm baffled that that hasn't happened at McDonald's yet. Yeah. You mean you want to take out the gross 17-year-old that's got acne all over himself and sweating all day to touch my food? No, we can take that out of the equation. It's like you're struggling with your own hygiene. Yeah. It just seems like if you were to go like this,

horrible things would happen to that hand. Have you seen the fingernails? That's what grosses me out more than anything is when they give you the change and they reach out only at McDonald's and Long John Silver's is this terrible thing. The long, dirty fingernails where you're about to eat, they rub their face and then they drop the change in

in like a way that you can't work your hand they don't know pluck it away keep the coins you just pull the yeah it was on reddit a couple weeks ago on long john silver there was mushrooms growing out of the drive-thru fucking yes that place is gross the food's not terrible i have a related question i so this is about tipping but white privilege has been a thing I hear about a lot. I sit here and try to ask myself. I try to deny white privilege. I did pay for my own schooling. I work my own way.

Is there white privilege? Have you guys benefited from white privilege? I have to some extent like my father by the way white privilege is the area college is the area where white privilege doesn't help you all right so so just the nature of like what i of what i do sometimes like there's been plenty of times when i've been driving down the highway with lots of guns and money in my car and i feel like if i were an african-american man and i'd been pulled over with a bunch of guns and money or even worse an arabic looking guy or even just anybody who's brown uh you know really like I there's a reason

I try not to get too tan I want to be as white as possible if I like like I want to be a little bit you know what your white privilege really is in my opinion your father's got like a hundred acres like if that wasn't the case yeah but is that white privilege that's see but he bought that 20 years ago like like there wasn't that's like a generational thing like like 25 years ago he was like i'm gonna buy that place and he like borrowed the money and he paid it off like like he just that wasn't like great great grandpa's farm or anything and if and if great great grandpa had been a slave there would have been no ownership that was just like dad had good credit dad had i don't know a hundred thousand dollars for a down payment and he fucking borrowed a couple million dollars and bought a place but

it's not so much being white as much as it is having capital and having money you know like if you would say to be like i guess rich or there's nothing stopping a black person from getting that same plot of land. It could be that I don't understand white privilege, but I think that it also is supposed to encompass the, like, you had two parents raising you, you had more money, you had higher expectations in your life. That's not white privilege.

No, that's just white privilege. You came from a broken home and you didn't come from a broken home. Look it up. I'm curious. A lot of people have two parents. Yeah. I'm curious. I look, I believe people have two parents. Yeah. Oh, I think everyone,

I think everyone has. That's a good bet right there. Yeah. Yeah. Usually it takes two to tango. The Negro. That's just asexually. Bobby,

did you know? I mean, sometimes it feels like that, doesn't it? When they cook around the ground at the daycare and there's just 12 moms there and one dad it's true they're just springing out of the ground like uruk-hai just pulling the slime off out of the placenta they're just like there's like placenta under the ground like like did that where did they really come from like like

i don't get it i don't know they're supposed you're going to make them magically, why do it so gross? So the orcs are supposed to be tortured and twisted elves, which I can kind of understand. But where do you get the uruk-hai? They're supposed to be bred between the orcs and the goblins. But that's like breeding a really small dog and a kind of small dog and getting a pit bull. I never saw them doing any

like actual like fucking and no that's in the the extended the special features there's a little bit of is it really fucking yeah no there's not no i looked it up i looked it up so let me hold on a second so um it looks like we're both right it starts off saying that white privilege is this like societal benefit of we all have a common background, that there are certain like cultural affirmations of your own worth, social status, freedom to move, work, play, and speak freely.

That's one definition of white privilege and the one that you three seem to share. And then other people use it as a proxy for like other privileges, like coming from a good, like a family with two parents, some affluence, etc. See, that's not fair because there's tons of white trash people who don't have that shit. Exactly. And then there's like – There's plenty of black people that have both parents there with them the whole time and raise a proper family.

Not that the Cosby family is the typical experience of forgetting current problems. But, you know, like his father. You can't help it if you have to have your drug. His dad was a doctor. Like, you know, that can be the black. Heck, I have neighbors that are black and they provide a very nice childhood for their kids. And anyway, so, yeah, it's not a total white black thing. But some people use white privilege as a proxy for

the whole like good parents affluence there's a lot of there's a lot of white crack whores that give up their babies and have no fathers and stuff too there's plenty of the white folk that also um don't have uh you know a non-broken family that's the thing right there you know they have both you know i try to sit here and think about like you know how much my privilege whether you call it white privilege or just affluent privilege or whatever you know formed who i am and uh well let's just do this make you black in your whole family did anything change does anything change from what your father did and where you are today oh that's interesting you still have the same two parents and all their

personalities and their job and everything they've worked hard towards you know so first of all he never would have been a swimming star yeah he would have been afraid of the water but he would have been an mba guy i think he never would have met jackie because he had never been a lifeguard um oh everything would change no no i I met Jackie because I was a delinquent, so I still would. No, he probably still would be a lifeguard. You'd meet her so much sooner. You would have pumped out the first kid

a couple years beforehand. I might not have gotten into swimming. That's actually true. If culturally everyone was kind of lined up against the idea of me swimming, then maybe I wouldn't have gotten into it. There was another thing I was going to uh oh your status in society though so hold on listen to this would it have been much harder for me to get popular on youtube if i was black i really have no idea

no because they didn't show you didn't how many years was until you showed your face anyway no i first video really yeah second video yeah. I don't think so. Because you were the older gentleman giving advice and doing tips and tricks. You could have been like Morgan Freeman, though. So would people be less inclined to accept advice from a black version of me? See, it's hard to categorize different people's prejudices. I don't know how you answer that. I don't think people would.

There's only one way to find out. But there are people out there who definitely would. Blackface. Blackface. Blackface. Blackface't think people would. There's only one way to find out. But there are people out there who definitely would. Blackface. Blackface. Blackface. Blackface drinking. That's the next event. That's the next blackface drinking episode.

That's the next big thing. Blackfaced episode. We're going to New Orleans. Listen to this. Dana White was just talking about, he's like, there's this thing amongst humans and in the UFC where when there's a fighter doing really well and he he looks like them, and he talks like them, that he's really popular in that area. And he's talking about Conor McGregor, an Irish guy.

Yeah, the Irish guy. Yeah, and all the Irish people are supporting him huge. And by the way, the Brazilians really support the Brazilians in a super big way. People like to see people who look like them, talk like them, act like them, succeed in their sport. Rolling back to me, if I had been black, would there be a lot of people less inclined to like my videos? Maybe. I mean, it's hard to say because there's plenty of successful black people in the Call of Duty scene and the YouTube scene.

They are, but they're funny, right? So you think there's not a place for a well-educated Neil deGrasse Tyson? Okay. He doesn't make cop videos and i don't know am i i don't mean to be obama oh oh he is i think i don't even know how you answer that can anyone give a definitive answer i don't i think we've i don't think it really went off course with this thing um what was the original question do we believe in white privilege uh That was what I was asking, did white privilege... Yeah, to a certain extent white privilege exists because I mean just the little thing that, like I said... Profiling is a thing that is white privilege. You're not going to get profiled and randomly

pulled out of line as opposed to an Arab or a black person, stuff like that. That is white privilege right there. I mean, like I said, I've been pulled over with weapons and large amounts of money before and I feel like if it was a black guy, I would have been in trouble. There would have been something said about it. So this isn't the kind of white privilege that you guys think of. But my father, so I was at Cisco, right? And at Cisco, a lot of my pay was based on bonuses.

So on a bad year, I'd make like, I don't know, 115-ish or something. And a good year, I'd make like in the mid-180s. And my father was not proud. He was not impressed. You know, he'd like, it was like I was some kind of loser, you know. And, you know, he'd tell Jackie like, yeah, he really should be working hard and stuff like that. If it wasn't for like that kind of never satisfied, you would I have you know started my own company or something or you know like gone on and I don't know

what's any of that got to do with your race yeah that's more just an issue of being complacent that's the other that's the second half of like the white privilege thing where some people make it a proxy for affluence and you know parenting and stuff like that yeah but that seems disingenuous because

then you're trying to conflate a bunch of tangential things about one's life into one you're trying to get it all together and be like no that's all part of white that's all white now because you're you're ambitious woody because you worked hard because you made something yourself that's all because you were white so i can see what kyle's saying in regard to like yeah if he was black and he got pulled over with a ton of money and a bunch of guns in his car he probably would be profiled and it'd be a lot more difficult to you know finagle his way out of it but for you woody like the hard working thing if you were black i think you'd be in the same situation you are now i don't know about the youtube reception to you being black but yeah i think so i don't know who knows there's also some black advantage the college

thing is the big one so i was gonna say it's the one area where white privilege doesn't you know white privilege doesn't fact you're at the bottom of the list for scholarships no i think aren't asian people i think at the bottom of the list asian people at the bottom because they excel so hard yeah and then white people and then you know if you're like cherokee you're at the top and then you know it's a gradient from there just flip it upside down woody i i i'm sorry to interrupt but i was just looking at this shitty ass amazon uh sale oh god it's so horrible hey i found some junk on amazon that they were trying to get rid of and i thought maybe you'd like it please be a chef's hat please be a chef's hat this actually lets you mount your go GoPro to one of those beasts you call dogs.

Hey, look, it's Buddy. That's funny. Dude, I think that would be pretty cool to go on board with your dogs for a video. And it's like... The big one's $19. The little one's $14, it looks like. Oh, it's two different types.

How big a dog do they fit? Why? Take this time to look for the deals and see if there's anything good right the deal is 0% claimed no let me flip this over and I was really looking forward to this shit too it's very disappointed not as most people because I didn't know what to expect I knew I wasn't going to build a whole like I said to what it was going to be buying all my PC components because everything's 60% off.

That's what I thought. It's like when Steam has a sale, Call of Duty is never on the summer or winter Steam sales. I didn't expect to get exactly what I wanted, but I thought that there would be a lot of shit on sale, like across the board, but it seems more like a shit sale. Oh, there's a lot across the board. It's a garage sale.

There's a junk drawer at Amazon somewhere, and they're like, look at this. We got a chef's hat, a couple pants. It costs us more money to house this garbage. Let's just get rid of it for an extra 25% off. Yeah, a lot of this just looks like shit. A konjac sponge activated charcoal. A piece of charcoal

for $7.50. What is activated charcoal? You know, the damnedest thing. I'm always washing myself with just, you know, fucking the shit I get at the store. Drawing charcoal. It's not activated. Yeah, I'm Kingsford just rubbing it all over myself, not getting any results. So you get the blackface going.

Yeah, this is garbage. And the trouble is it's $20 marked down to $14. Yeah. That's actually a decent percentage but a lot of like there was a knife and i'm kind of a knife guy i was looking out maybe i could do something 36 mark down to 33 well fuck like that's the savings i just like they're bigger than black friday they totally overhyped it and underdelivered. They were acting like this was going to be some big thing and it's shit. It is absolute

shit. And Amazon, Amazon is like the company that I trust. If they say they're going to do something cool, I expect it to be cool. I feel like I can buy something on Amazon and not even comparison shop because the price will be fair, if not best. Amazon, their service is fantastic. I really

have this boner for Amazon. I think their market their service is fantastic. I really have this boner for Amazon. I think their model is fantastic. But today, fuck Amazon. This was so disappointing. I got that right there for $5 less than what you see it because I thought it was cool. But now I'm a little concerned if I click to the other colors

here, they're $8. I don't know if it's a smaller version because it has a keyring on it, but they look like the same size when I flip between the two. Look at this piece of shit. I just like this poison book. The Happy Herbivore.

Trying to feed you nonsense vegan meals for $10. Those $8.50 ones are not... Okay, good. Good. Hover over the silver one and it's a different view. The one on the right, it shows the open version. Compare the black $20 one open.

Yeah, you're right. Oh, you're right. Okay, so I got that for $15, because I thought it was cool. It's black. Well, in general, Amazon sell us shit. Such shit. Such disappointing shit. They'll be taking a loss on this, no doubt.

The biggest problem to me is the hit to their reputation. You know, like they said that next time Amazon tells me they're doing a sale, fuck you. I don't believe a word you say, you lying sucker. I mean, I'll still check, but I'm not going to be hyped up about it. I'm going to be like, yeah, we'll see about that. Bigger than Black Friday. Was anybody that excited about this? Like, realistically, it's just a sale on Amazon. We haven't been talking about it for weeks. A lot of like, yeah, we'll see about that. Bigger than Black Friday. Was anybody that excited about this, like, realistically? We've been talking

about it for weeks. A lot of people. It's all over the news, everything. Yeah, the disappointment is all over the news. That's the big story. Amazon failed. I was expecting to see $1,000 items for $600. That's what I was looking for.

They haven't even turned a profit yet, have they? Amazon doesn't make money, do they? No. They still haven't? They do not they haven't even turned a profit yet have they Amazon doesn't make money do they no they still haven't they do not I'll look it up either does now then how could they possibly make a sale because they put the money it's not they're not taking revenue their money what is Amazon's earnings per share point zero two they make money yeah very little money based on what they're what they're trading at they're like 50 times uh uh whatever their eps is just i mean it's still a good site and a good service he says dash yeah which would imply a loss or break even. Which would imply a loss, yeah. But if the earnings per share is $0.88 and that implies a profit, I'm confused. Yeah, this does just all look like junk that people bought some of like six months ago

and now they just have warehouses full of Moringa Olerphea superfood for $14. It's like disappointing garbage. And even this thing that Kyle found, like it looks interesting, it's a 20 item on sale for 14 it's not like you buy something you didn't plan on getting yeah amazon's pe you know those uh those bone candies like those disgusting coated candies that are hard and kind of chalky that looks like little dog bones you've seen those at like doctor's offices well you can buy a three pound bag for thirteen dollars like this is clearly just there are some cheez-its on there for three bucks and i was really debating it amazon's pe is somewhere probably around 600 right now you said cheez-its

yeah for three bucks you can get cheez-its from the store from a real person we've been over this i don't want to talk the less people in my day-to-day interaction, the better. I don't like talking to people. Ordering food on the internet. Mark my words. Ten years from now, this is going to be a marked detriment. We'll all be living in the Wally world. I'm fine with that.

People will not know how to talk to each other. They won't know how to start up a conversation. Even walking up to a random person in public now, if you're at a bus stop or any public place, starting a conversation with someone is almost awkward now. Has it always been like that or do people just not know how to relate to each other? I'm great at that, by the way. That's how I get stories.

But nobody is receptive, really. That's not true. No, they're receptive. Dude, I can create a whole damn party. We were at the lost baggage line at the airport. There was a team building event. I had all like 12 people going together and sharing stories and laughing at my terrible jokes. And that's one of my superpowers.

That's like saying like when you order pizza like 30 years ago when that was a thing. You've lost that interaction of going to get your pizza and the great dialogue you'd have with the guy the guy making six bucks an hour at the pizza place hey tony how's it going hey what you doing you got new ricotta in here come on tony i think there's a big leap between ordering pizza a couple times a month and so look at self-service check how long has self-service checkout been at the grocery line too or home depot and all these other places with automated self-checkouts? You know, that is a good point because I love that. I love self-checkout. Unless it doesn't work.

You know, you've got to have the awkward conversation with the person that works there that thinks you're stealing or just retarded at using the machine. Or unless you buy beer and they have to come over and, like, approve it. And then they're just sitting there talking to each other. No, it's lube. They've got to come up with things like spray paint lube lasers oh yeah lube and spray paint at the same time every time you want to get high on the spray paint then have a little sex i like to get shiny no if you're getting high on spray paint there's no sex you're jerking off into a cup no one has a girlfriend if they're getting

high on fucking spray paint i'm sorry you're at the bottom tier of society do you follow competitive call of duty anymore never did no never did at all taylor no i really never gave a shit like when you guys have like all the like they're nice guys like all the professional call of duty guys that come on they're good guys but i'm always like hey hey, you were probably good at COD. You know? You got some good thumb dexterity over there. Yeah, they'll be like, oh yeah, I was playing in the

XXX Pro League Tour 2009, and we were getting beat on, overgrown. It's like, oh my god, I don't fucking care. It's so boring. But I know a lot of people like that, but I never followed it. I tried watching a stream twice i think when team art was into it a while ago or maybe when optic was a huge team i don't

know if they still are and i just couldn't get into it like every time they won a round like everybody's jumping up and like screaming and yelling behind the computers and it just felt forced and i didn't it not not my bag cool if you like it not my thing there was a time when i was really into it like i was following it constantly i remembered even a year or two ago like roster changes would matter to me like oh my god like parasite just went to optic or left whatever and killer did this or that and like it was like ah this is big news. Now? Big tit lover 69 switched teams. I couldn't even care. I couldn't care less about roster changes.

This is totally uninteresting to me now. I don't know anything going on right now. What are you asking? Hey, shouldn't there be an event coming up? And I was trying to figure out. Yeah. A couple years ago, this summer was the time that they did it all which i always thought was wrong because kata interest starts in november and runs for a couple of

months right these guys would like have their real season over the summer and then when november rolled out they'd have their championship on the old game which you know that was how they used to do it now i think they play the new game but they play the new game yeah i don't even know if they're playing right now or what's happening and i don't even care i feel like the whole interest in competitive shooters is switched to cs go like that's cod's dead cs go rules supreme now and that's the thing right competitive gaming period doesn't pique my interest anymore next question yeah oh i just want to touch on this is super before you get to the question this just popped up on cnn this is super fucking depressing

four california children orphaned after their parents died in separate incidences the mother was killed on july 6th while hiking and the father was shot and killed july 12th while standing outside a bar in San Bernardino. I just wanted to give everyone that depressing note because... Why would you segue? What are we supposed to say now? Oh, wow, that's sad. I'm against parental death. You know what?

I'm going to take that stance too, Woody. It's a false stance. I don't think that people should get shot outside. Those kids are going to be so tough now. I'm going to give that story to some staff. Those kids did something wrong or karma wouldn't have done this to them. I bet one of those kids did something wrong. Or God wouldn't have taken both of his parents like that. Not even a week apart.

I bet he stole some communion wine or something like that and God was like, I see you motherfucker. And he just really put that kid's life together this week. That's true. God is petty like that. He is. He ain't all about certain things. Did Neil correctly at mass. Didn't put some water on the baby's head? All right, he's going to burn forever.

That's what that was. This is crazy. He loved his children immensely. He was looking forward to reuniting with them after the tragedy with their mother. Yeah, that's why he was outside a bar getting shot. Well, he was outside a bar because his wife just died. Well, he's so judgmental for that white privilege. He's like, oh, well, what was he doing outside of a bar?

A house of ill repute? I bet he was drunk on alcoholic beverages. Why wasn't he drinking at all? All of merriment. Good thing they took him out when they did. Drinking less than a week after his wife dies despicable uh give the guy a break yeah that that's a terrible story thanks for the upper i'm trying to think were the parents together beforehand i think they might not have been

still better to have them separate and alive than separate and dead yeah that's that's true, Taylor. That's 100% true. It's poignant. I'm taking risks here on these statements. It's very on the Saturday caution, that's for sure. Oh, so I wanted to talk about this. Chiz, so you took the train.

I think on your trip out there, you saw a guy get arrested for drug possession. They hauled him off the train. Was he full of merriment as well? What color what was it a black guy she is it was an old black scraggly bearded dude yeah okay so they found an old black hobo and he had some uh some drugs and they they arrested him uh so on the way back to uh to sacramento or wherever was there anything else eventful on the train any any other train stories so there's two trains that run from san francisco to chicago every day one east one west and the one coming to chicago not the one i was on obviously was delayed by like 12 hours or something because

of a tragedy and i'm like well what was the tragedy because we were delayed seven hours coming to chicago because of fucking rain and stuff like that. And apparently somebody died. I don't know how, but someone died on the train. So that's why it was delayed 12 hours. Boredom. Shit. It was a suicide. Oh my God, what have I done?

I thought it would be fun. There's no internet. How is the internet? How is the internet on the train? There's no internet. How is the internet? How is the internet on the train? There's no internet on the train. There's no wifi on the train. No, just your phone. Could you fuck in that room if you wanted to?

Totally. Is there enough privacy for that? Is somebody going to come knock? No one will knock, but they'll hear it. The door closes, but there's nothing that seals the bottom of the door. So they'll hear if you're making a ruckus, but I don't give a shit. You're like fucking in an airport bathroom where there's like a foot of space. No, it's bigger.

It's bigger. It's enough to lay down in. No, no, no. You go to the family restroom at the airport. You get your own. Oh, the crippled stall. No, no, no. The family restroom.

It's like got a changing table for babies. There's room for kids. There's lots of extra room. It's a one-person bathroom. But spacious. Why are you fucking in an airport? I thought he said airplane bathroom. Who goes to an airplane? Just a large bathroom where they have the ones that have the bars and the stall.

I don't think bathroom sex is sexy at all to me. What kind of disgusting person are you where you can't just drive the extra 20 minutes to your house and fuck? Why are you fucking in the airport? But I was just trying to that's like Louis CK That's like Louis CK in the Cinnabon thing buying on the way to go home where he's got bananas Why are you fucking at the airport go to your fucking destination? Maybe already got past security can't go back out

What are you gonna do it in that smokers Haven where you probably hang out and it smells like? Dank asshole and you have to walk by and deal with everybody's smell maybe it's a layover in philadelphia and you met a hot chick at the uh at the terminal every so often there's like a porn shot in a public bathroom or something i'm just like that is not my fantasy you know like come on those are great urine soaked floors and like oh yeah like i imagine the smell i would would that means she's a cheese dirty she doesn't give a fuck I mean she's a goer she's giving yeah she does give a fuck down like if you're smelling piss and urinal cakes and she's like fuck me

like you know you really mean something to that girl. That's true love. Fresh case. Half a bottle of NyQuil. That whole scene is just not my kink. The public bathroom thing. Don't knock it before you try it. You're making some assumptions there.

You know what I'm surprised by is I've never seen a glory hole in real life, and by what I've seen on the internet, I would think they were more common. And I've taken many bus station bathroom trips and never seen a glory hole. So there are almost no public glory holes. That's a myth, that they just exist in public, because that doesn't work. There are private glory holes that are only whispered about when you've like know where to

go though if i have to go to a private glory hole why don't we just fuck in a private room if we're going to this stage in our relationship it's part of the just like it's always sunny yeah the experience we don't know who's behind there yeah but you don't know it it's not a girl like that's exactly what it is. Yeah. If you ever want to have some fun, you get on Craigslist and start looking through the personals. There's always some crazy shit on there. Always some crazy shit on there.

You haven't forego that. Yeah, it's very entertaining. Glory holes are the thing in all those adult bookstores that you never go into. There's booths in there with little wank things. You pay quarters for the movies, and there's glory holes that connect all the booths. Pay quarters to use the wank machines? What are all of these things you're talking about?

Pay a quarter for the wank machine. Whatever that is. It's a quarter-operated video booth. And after, we go down to the Nickel and Dime, pick up a custom soda. Get a froyo afterwards. Yeah.

I'm very familiar with what you're talking about. I have seen it in movies and television. I've never been to one of those adult bookstores in one of those dirty back rooms, but I am aware of their existence and you're describing it. They also sell toys and stuff in there. Sure, adult videos, all that stuff. All the booths are connected. You're describing it. They also sell toys and stuff in there. Sure, adult videos, all that stuff. All the booths are connected.

They're not very different than bathroom stalls, except they've got drilled out holes. Top ten worst jobs, guy who cleans the cum off the floor in there. I've not seen this at Barnes & Noble. Unless you're into that sort of thing, then it's a top ten best job. Best job ever. It's like, what do you do? Oh, it's the best fucking gig ever.

I go in there, and there's fucking jizz everywhere. It's like a what do you do? Oh, it's the best fucking gig ever. I go in there and there's fucking jizz everywhere. It's like a dream come true. So much jizz. Thick jizz, thin jizz. The whole range. I've got a plethora of jizz. All the kinds of jizz that you could dream of. I got my spatula. I got my funnel. I'm bottling this shit up, man.

It's great. It's great. That's disgusting. Horrific. Yeah. up man it's great that's disgusting but yeah okay so next day I'm a question no with the glory hole phase of the night yeah let's see well not much segue from glory holes how much money would you have to pay t2 spoonfuls of dick cheese god damn it man I I hate questions like this. I hate them. Because I can think of an amount of money.

Can I vomit right after? Of course you can. Because I don't have to keep it down. The number is going to be like $100,000 or something like that. That's just real awful, and I'm going to vomit, and it's going to be awful. That's awful. I'm gonna vomit and i it's gonna be awful um it's it's it's that's awful i'm not familiar is dick cheese something that like uncircumcised men get when they're not clean

i think i've seen i think it was i believe it's called uh you watched a video you nailed it yeah um yeah are they table or teaspoons uh well what's a never spoon i think it's a tablespoon right i think it's a teaspoon i'm thinking teaspoon in there and i don? I think it's a tablespoon, right? I think it's a teaspoon. I'm thinking teaspoon in there, and I don't even know. It's a tough one to answer. It's the same answer as two teaspoons of vomit or two teaspoons of shit or anything yucky. I'd rather eat the shit. No vomit. See, when you get to a critical mass of gross, you can continue to change whatever substance you want,

and it's the same answer because you're going to vomit and be revulsed. substance you want and it's the same as you're gonna vomit and be revulsed yeah two teaspoons of dog shit I would I I need a bowl full of because that's a humiliating how is that dog shit and ask for seconds yeah I don't know where the number is at a hundred grand I do it at 50 grand I have to think about it no okay that's where I pride lies that that's what we're is this tax-free 100 grand I'd do it, and 50 grand I'd have to think about it. No. Okay. Somewhere in there. Just to think about it. That's where our pride lies. That's what we're... Is this tax-free money? I think it's tax-free.

Of course it is. Oh, if it's tax-free, then yeah. 100 grand for sure. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're not writing that on a tax form. How do you get this $100,000? Contest winnings.

Questionable X. Yeah, get it right from the source for a million. So my mother-in-law is is very conservative and she's all her information comes from fox news and she was like i heard bernie saying oh she's well informed okay she said i heard bernie sanders likes a 90 tax rate and i heard that and thought ah this is probably some fox news like take a nugget and make it a whole gold ingot like kind of like run with it and I looked into it it's not like this guy literally he's like I wouldn't flinch 90% tax rate that's fine with me he's like you know you you hear

the opposite when people say there should be no taxes whatsoever and things like capital gains which is just tax free rich people money it's like you know why is it so crazy to think that at a very high rate, 90% would be, you know, so, so absurd. He's like, I'd do it.

And, uh, holy fuck, 90%. At that point, you just sequestering earnings. It, when I was,

but think of all those poor people who will be, you know, we'll raise them up and, uh, and make our, our nation so much more powerful and stronger that's true they'll have way more incentive to work hard and earn things if they're being given so much from people I it's so people always say well not everyone can

be on top right not everyone can have a dream job not everyone this not everyone that I like in capitalism and I came up with this today, it reminds me of high school gym sports, right? Not high school competitive sports, but the gym class sports. You know when you played volleyball and it's like all the guys and all the girls just thrown in there randomly? You've got a couple try-hards who are just fucking crushing it, right? These are the people who, not that they'll be the same people, but these are the equivalent to the people who like went to school,

maybe an advanced degree, busted their ass their entire career and just became really, they were just fucking try-hards at capitalism their whole life. That's the guys who do. But there's a fair amount of people who literally just like when they see the ball come are like, you know, like I don't want to play volleyball yeah you know like i hated this bitches or the the worst of the worst the people who were too cool for it and wouldn't even like get in

there a little bit and like be afraid they would sit to the back and be like oh this is so gay like i can't even believe they're making us do this like we should go smoke more pot because it's a miracle drug that's great for you and not bad at all. Like, that's, oh, those are the people that would be benefiting from this. There's a capitalism, like, version of that guy, too, right? There's a capitalism who's, like, so hipster, who thinks that the world's just unfair. And, you know, like, I'm not happy because I'm so smart. And I'm just going to sit here and wear my chimney sweep hat.

I'm just making fun now. But yeah, there's totally people who just aren't really trying, who aren't really going for it. And of course, there's some people who do well just flat out naturally, right? Because we had a guy, Doug Coleman, in my high school. He went on to play in the NFL for a few years. His father played in the NFL for a few years too. He kind of had a leg up.

This guy was benching like 350 at 17 years old. He was really strong and whatever. That happens in capitalism. Sometimes you get the right parents and you get a leg up on this thing. Sometimes you just try super hard like my dad did and make it on your own. Who succeeds in this world of capitalism and who succeeds in this world of high school gym sports? It seems like there's a huge parallel there.

When they say not everyone can have their dream job, yeah, that's true, but not everyone's even trying for it. You can. dream job yeah that's true but not everyone's even trying for it you can if you know the super version of you can succeed at high school gym sports but just to play devil's advocate obviously 90 is an outrageous amount but if it then gave everybody national health care on the level of canada or the uk where that was no longer an expense for you to deal with and we paid for at least the first two years of your college life, would that not benefit the nation as a whole? The go-getters are still going to strive just as hard.

They might even make more money not having to deal with debt at the beginning of their college experience and stuff like that. Just to play devil's advocate, I get that there's moochers, but you're going to have moochers whether the tax rate is 0% or 100% regardless because we have social services. But do you think that moochers are going to stay uniform regardless of what the income tax is there? You think it's going to be a uniform

set amount of moochers regardless of the outside extraneous? I think the level of living will level that out. I think inflation will just take place now. So if you're a moocher and now you're making $15,000 and getting by, and then everybody gets more freebies and stuff like that,

the cost of living will just go up to equate with that and wages will go up and everything else too i don't know if the cost of living would have to go up because you'd be taking it from the top and giving it to the bottom but if you tax the most wealthy people at 90 they're going to leave that's the thing so story you're right so first of all there is a place where they have a minimum income i forget where it is i think it's one of the nordic states which like a few pkas ago i called baltic states and have been getting educated ever since but one of the nordic states i think has like a baseline like everyone makes 35 grand and then on top of that you earn it yourself that kind of income redistribution is foreign to Americans. Like there's, we feel

like there should be no safety net because everyone should have to work to earn what they get. You shouldn't be taking from him and giving to him. It like Warren Buffett being rich does not make me poor, right? It's, it's, it's not that kind of game. You know, if I'm poor, it's because I didn't do the right things. I didn't, you know, follow one of the many well-known paths to success, whether that be like a commercial trade or an educated job or whatever. There's lots of ways that you can be successful.

We all kind of know them and not everyone's doing them. But do we necessarily know that the 90% taxes is going to strictly go right to welfare and to things that are going to help out the people that are quote-unquote mooching? Because if it's going to infrastructure, healthcare, college and stuff like that, then guess what? Suck it up, buttercup, because our nation is slacking in transportation. Kyle's still right, though. I'll tell you, if I start getting taxed at 90%, which I probably won't.

I don't think I earn enough to be one of those guys. But if it happened to me, it'd be like, I need to be not American somehow. Like, this is horseshit. Where are you going? Because their tax rates are even higher in most of those countries. That's why the infrastructure is so bad. There's plenty of places you could go that's better than 90. You could live in France.

Yeah, third worldest people. Every place is better than 90. Every place is better than 90. Even France. Okay. It will never get to 90, and we all know that, first of all. It used to be. It used to be 95 at one point when i was young it was 70 he'd be happy with it well he's never gonna get there and he would never get it through i i just like people are saying he's kooky but he's not

really kooky he represents what most americans think and in some of these things i'm like wait a minute he is too far on some of these things i don't want no one's excited about hillary but if he's literally talking about a 90 tax rate like dude that's just too much it's too much i think i'm just arguing this this elections ron paul not as far as beliefs just as far as like everybody's gonna rally behind him there's gonna be a small little contingent of grassroots internet people who are pretending that he has a shot but in reality there's a zero percent chance this guy has any shot at the presidency what celebrity would you pick to be our next president oh man freeman can we do a fictional character he's old morgan freeman's pretty old i don't know you got it but like pick a celebrity and it can't be like uh he's a celebrity because he won a Nobel Prize or something like that.

Like, pick a fucking, like, sitcom actor or a movie star or a, you know, a pop culture figure. Or DiCaprio. DiCaprio's good. He's already in the UN. Is he really? Yep. He's the chancellor of, of like global warming or something like George Clooney's wife is this is something like that too she's some sort

of an ambassador or something Martin I'm really Martin Martin Sheen Charlie Sheen's father hmm I'm trying to think of someone who's good and then also someone just so they won't be acting for a while. I wonder who's older, Martin Sheen or Morgan Freeman. Martin Sheen, I like the character he played in West Wing. And apparently his real-life politics line up with the West Wing with Jed Bartlett. Shucks, we've got to pick one. Martin Sheen's not bad.

Okay. Morgan Freeman is four years older than martin sheen how old is morgan freeman 78 if you want a liberal matt damon would be you know he seems to be fairly well educated and i don't want matt damon this man too liberal not right just to just not like if you picked ben affleck or matt damon i'm picking ben affleck no i'm not picking ben affleck matt Matt Damon, I'm picking Ben Affleck. No, I'm not picking Ben Affleck. Matt Damon is just still too cartoony to me.

Or Morgan Freeman, for that matter. I think it's risky business picking anybody over the age of 70. Morgan Freeman will live to 95, you watch. I'll take Ben Affleck. And anytime any president starts trying to talk some shit to our president and it's Brock

Lesnar, he can always put that little side crack in there. Hey, if Vladimir Putin really wants to solve this thing like men, maybe we just get in the octagon. Yeah, right? And everyone who supports his campaign to get him to be president later, he will be bad mouthing them and saying, oh, fuck BP. I don't give a shit about BP. Fuck fucking Lesnar, alright?

He's a cocksucking motherfucker. I would pick Bill Burr. Because I think he would immediately start spilling secrets like, Another thing that they've been doing! By the way, where did you get a fucking ice cream from that just came out of nowhere? It was passed to me. It's S'mores ice cream. There's marshmallows in there. Marshmallows that you ordered from Amazon?

Ridiculous. It's really good. I wonder if I can make ice cream happen. Maybe he doesn't qualify as a celebrity because he's not in movies really, but I think he's famous enough. Is it a movie coming out? Yeah, he's got a TV show coming out. F is for Family. He talks about it on his podcast. Yeah, I'm excited for that.

Looking forward to that. Yeah, Bill Burr. We got Bill Burr, Morgan Freeman, Martin Sheen, and Brock Lesnar. By the way, which of these... Which of these four candidates would get voted in if they were the only contenders? No chance for Morgan Freeman

because I think a lot of people would be on my side that he is too old. He's very old. 78. He's old. You'd get him. Martin Sheen. I don't know how old he is. He's over 70. I'd still say no. I think a lot of people would like Martin Sheen, but carry on. And Brock

Lesnar, no. No, they're not going to vote Brock Lesnar. He's not old enough. Is he not 35? I don't think so. Yeah, they're not going to vote Brock Lesnar in. He's not old enough. Is he not 35? I don't think so. Yeah, he's got to be. I don't know. How old is Brock Lesnar?

38, because I'm quicker than Siri. Yeah, alright. Out of these, we have to vote for the president. Of course he's not in my contacts. Jesus, Siri. Siri's drunk right now That's not mine Martin Sheen. Okay. We have to vote for someone. He's not our own candidate. Who's we're in she'll build her Martin Sheen Brock Lesnar damn it

Did that on purpose? What does it no no actually Martin she won? Yeah? on purpose. What does it matter? No, no, actually Martin Sheen won. Yeah, Martin Sheen. Why him? What has he done? I don't know.

He played the president on the West Wing. Eh. That too. Yeah, but that... Okay. He seemed really well educated on the show. He looked presidential. A lot of those scripts were kind of taken from newspaper headlines, so he's pretended

to solve real-world problems. Yes. And that's better than nothing. This guy was a make-believe economist. That's better than a guy who's just really good at hammer fists. Okay? And the other guy who's just really – I mean, come on. Morgan Freeman's not – what is so special about him anyway?

Everybody loves Morgan Freeman. You can't find a person that doesn't like him. Can you picture Brock Lesnar's campaign? Like, This is what we're gonna do to unemployment! And then just... I'm gonna lay on top of unemployment for five whole rounds and just punch you in the fucking face! Just tearing up terrorist dolls. Look at my cock! This is freedom cock on my chest right here, everybody. Okay.

Two questions, same thing. Is there any chance that one of the PKA adventures where you guys are across the pond, maybe London? Are you guys ever going to do a PKA trip to the UK? You have tons of fans here. I think you'd have a good turnout. A UK trip. First pick a country. Well, not Ireland.

Can't take a bus there? That's where they film Game of Thrones, right? Well, they film it a lot of places, probably. But I was thinking London. Oh, man. Do you know how expensive that would be? Like just the hotel? Very expensive.

Have all of you been to London? Yeah. Not London. We stayed in a tiny little flat above a bakery. It was super expensive, but fun. I've been around Europe, but I haven't been to London. I have not. Never been to Europe.

That'd be cool, though. Just boring. Find a way to make it work, and I'll go. Exactly. It's really on Chiz. Chiz is the guy that makes all this sort of thing happen. We need to go to London and have sword fights or we'll toss telephone poles or whatever the fuck they do in Ireland.

Everybody forgets I had a backpacking adventure and nobody... Fuck's sake. You had a backpacking adventure? Yeah. I did. Woody was on board for it and then everybody just lost interest, it seems. Oh, I thought you meant you actually backpacked across Europe. europe no i've been wanting to do that since i was a kid you wouldn't want to do that so is this a backpacking adventure where we just take

ubers around and it's like we might as well use suitcases no you take a train that's what come on what do you think you walk? Surely everybody knows what backpacking through Europe is. You take the train. I want to do an event. I want to do an event at one place where everybody kisses my ass, and then I go hang out with all the fans, and we do that, and I end up getting paid, and it's all a lot of fun. Oktoberfest would be great, sure.

Get them to pay us to come to Oktoberfest, and I'll pretend to drink their disgusting beer. I still don't want to do a drinking episode of PKA Adventure. Not even a little. Oh, no. That would be awesome to see Woody and Kyle shit-faced at actual Oktoberfest. One beer is all it would take there. Their beers are so big.

Their beers are... Well, they're big and their fucking alcohol by volume is nothing. We have really pissy beer here You know it's like 15% this is a fun one So happy look at someone get a frame shot of a few seconds ago when he learned that beer is 30 proof over there He's like when he learns that beer is 30 proof over there. He's like...

That was just a cool cultural experience, though, to go to something like Oktoberfest that's known around the world. Like, what do you do? Just eat schnitzel and great brats, drink beer, look at big-boobed women serving beer? Well, you've seen European... We can do that here.

You've seen the, what, European family vacation or whatever? Yeah, even that was bad Kyle could do it at his house, but just real the poor set up everywhere. Yeah, I'll creepy get weird This question is interesting to me. What are your shit hit the fan plans? From a home invasion to a full-on society collapse I think we should skip home invasion since every one of us is going to be like oh the gun on my table that's right next to me that's the go to

but society or I guess do you have a gun I don't own a gun but we have three guns so what's your shit hit the fan like someone breaks in go to the safe and get the gun like just because it's not mine doesn't mean I'm going to do you ask the burglar to be patient

while you try and remember the code no that's a silly argument pardon me i'm trying 22 to the right 18 to the left oh god damn it 22 to the right i don't know what's more ridiculous i literally don't the the scenario that you're drawing out where it's like ridiculously hard to get your safe from your gun from the safe or the other side which is like oh yeah a burglar is going to smash in the front door and instantly dart to your bed to catch you sleeping yeah it's like that's true they just run it quick left right left right past the pool table through the trouble doors yeah we got them like We're just here to startle you.

Yeah. By the way, what burglar goes in premeditating murder? Hunt down people. If they come in, I want to shoot them to kill. Of course. Hopefully they're expecting to just break in with a safe robbery. I don't know how many people go in.

I hope there's some motherfucking people sleeping here. I want a conflict when I steal their shit Everybody's went home invaders that like duct tape the family's mouth shut and they super glue their nose shut and they just suffocated That's a real thing. Yeah Something bad happened a few towns away And we were like looking into our home alarm choices, he's telling like they're telling us oh yeah oh there was a family with the adt alarm system in fugue escape prisoners came right in duct taped them up the kids are okay but the parents are gone and i yeah well they're not okay if you know what i mean i mean

they are just really fucked up actually years of counseling craziest things there was um making the art with their own so they were shit talking adt do you ever see those i might be mixing it up yeah do you ever see the bullshit hiding in the yards like it's not like name brand like adt it's like todd and jeff security and it's like that guy is gonna get burgled for sure I forget if it was ADT or CPI was one of them and they were bad mouthing the other because one had cameras that like are motion activated but at the front door and the other one had interior ones and they wore masks through the front door but took them off when they got inside. But they didn't have any footage of the inside

because they were... And I'm like, you know, but like, do you remotely monitor these cameras? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. So if I walk around in my underwear in my house, you're watching for your safety. And I don't know. The whole thing was sketchy, but yeah, they were.

Don't worry, Matt. I'm here to protect you. I wouldn't like that either. I don't want someone always watching. I want a large-ass alarm to fucking go off when somebody breaks in the front door. That's the whole point of an alarm system. I don't want to be too specific, but we've got cameras

that we can log into from really anywhere and kind of see what's going on. They're all infrared, so you can see in the dark. Anytime that any window or door is open, they begin recording and it's all looped to like a box. It's remote recorded, um, you know,

to a server. So, um, it's, it's pretty cool stuff. Kitty, Kitty got a good security system. And then she got this fucking murder,

murdering dog. I swear to God, like, like I could literally like at night, it could be 2 in the morning, if I walk up the steps and they go, you can hear him all the way across the house. I could just... sneak in here. I dare you. By the time I get there with my pistol, you'll want me to shoot. That guy's such a fucking monster up there. It's a mercy killing.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, I'm so sorry to do this to you. Oh, you don't want to go on without your face, right? Wiggle your flipper. Oh, yeah, okay. We had that with Jack, too, and that's something I kind of missed. Now I'm in that other situation where it's like, would Harley, is probably our most dangerous dog right now, would Harley step up?

She might. Yeah, I think so. Oh, maybe. Is this the new contender? I'm here. I'm ready to go. Put me in the game, boss. Hello, Ender.

Do you want to meet everybody? Uh, this is Ender. Um, he's- My ears! What the fuck did you do this to my ears for? My ears! What the fuuuck? I'm in front of his ears. Oh, poor Ender. He's gonna look so hardcore.

Kyle, but that's okay. Yeah. We're training him to kill Kyle. Right., but that's okay. Yeah. Here. Right. Come here, Hector. Bite this one. Bite him. Get him.

Come here. Come closer. Come closer. There you go. Learn to hate. Learn to hate. Right there. I bet he's got a mess of peanut butter for me.

So, that's... I like feeding dogs peanut butter and watching them just like like chomp chomp chomp like it takes them an hour to eat a jar of peanut butter so i texted and asked for ice cream i guess we didn't have any ice cream well it next time she goes, Eddie's makes some s'mores ice cream, and it is incredible. The marshmallow chunks are like legit marshmallows.

Val says Eddie's s'mores ice cream. Edie's. It may be. I've never heard it pronounced. I just read the container. What she gave me was strawberries covered with chocolate. So, not bad. That's acceptable.

Alright. We didn't really cover the full-on society collapse thing. Well, I think everyone's standard answer is like, get to Kyle's house. I guess if there's a full-on societal collapse, it's not a terrible plan. I'll die on that journey. I think that, like, I mean, you want the necessities, right? Like, I feel like I don't have them here.

I've got guns and ammo. I definitely have that covered. But I think I need water. I think I've got to go out and get lots and lots of bottled water. That or fall back to my dad's place where there's diesel generators, diesel fuel, and a well, and it's a pretty fortifiable position up on that hill. So that's probably what I would do.

Probably go back to his place because he's got um i don't know you can see from hundreds of yards in any direction you can it's got a well um like i said we could put one of those big gigantic generators that could totally power not only that house but like an electrical defense grid if we needed it to and then you know i got i got a couple thousand rounds of ammunition and a you know dozen soft assault rifles and i'm in a similar spot like i have i have enough at like i have thousands and thousands of rounds of ammo and i've got several guns i don't have 90 but i've got like five good ones yeah that should do the trick and um i also have a really defensible sort of like you know long line of sight and

stuff around the house I just don't have a team and like I'll say you know like water my waters comes via electricity so I have to figure out something for that we have a well I'm well but how do you get the water out of the well well his well operates on electricity to I assume generator they have diesel generators to cover that so I would need just a few steps away from water. Got a big pantry, but no special food stores. He's got livestock. I feel like we could totally slaughter a cow.

I think you're $200,000 away, Woody, from having the compound you need to stage up. $200,000. You have your generators. You got your defense grid. You throw some cows and sheep on there. I don't know why I said sheep. This is where the moat goes. I have a full...

What was that movie where you could kill each other once a year? Oh, the Purge. The Purge. Yeah. The first Purge, the main character sold home defense systems. They'd press a button. You know those roll-down doors that are in front of storefronts and stuff?

Yeah. They did that in front of every window and door and everything would lock up. It's a shame that they let people in and that was the premise of the movie and he was the guy that worked there. I'm not saying it's a bad movie. I think they did let someone in, and that was the premise of the movie. He was the guy that worked there. I'm not saying it's a bad movie. I think they did let someone in. They did, and there was a whole family in. There were all the people outside, and they let them in eventually.

All the people outside? No, they hooked. I remember the line. They were hooking up. They're like, aren't we secure? You sell these systems. He's like, no system's completely foolproof. They hooked up the door to the back of a trailer hitch, and they pulled it pulled it off with the truck right but that kid also opened a door too and let

the let the initial guy in or whatever the initial controversy yeah because he um he was pitiful yeah and they were trying to kill him this whole question is really difficult unless you have like i would i would go to my grandparents place They have a farm they have a well Livestock guns like that shit, but if you're in like, California We're a really densely populated area seems like you're kind of fucked like what would you even do? She's like we might be leave. You know go north That'd be so difficult that train and just

Get the last bus out of vietnam just all the way to woody's house it depends what kind of apocalyptic situation if it's just a financial situation on the u.s i would just go to europe because i'm i'm allowed to go there and stuff so that's that if we're talking zombies well then i would have to ban together a militia to go across the entire united states to kyle's house that's no it's a disease that got out it killed 93 percent of everyone and we all are immune to it somehow okay okay i am legend yeah like i am legend so it's gonna be like mad max style it attacks people with less than 30,000 YouTube subs We're fine We're okay that just the popular people vlogging to one another sharing yeah, what a really depressing post-apocalyptic

With no views because he only fucking has teenage viewers you know what a depressive that that should be a movie we're only like the actors survive a situation they just do plays from what yeah like they could call it like this is the end I was gonna say that my mouth was full I had the

same joke that's all right so it is time to talk about oh tell me more about casper.com yes we mentioned that we mentioned them at the absolutely so casper is an on-time is an online retailer of premium mattresses for a fraction of the price the mattress industry has inherently forced customers into paying notoriously high markups and casper's revolutionary revolutionizing the mattress industry by cutting the cost by dealing with resellers and showrooms and passing the savings directly to the consumer while still being an American-made mattress.

A Casper mattress provides resilience and long-lasting supportive comfort. Casper's mattress is one-of-a-kind, a new hybrid mattress that combines premium latex foam with memory foam. So mattresses can often cost well over $1,500, but Casper mattresses cost between $500 for a twin size mattress, $600 for a twin XL, $750 for a full size or $850 for a queen size and only $950 for a king size mattress. Casper understands that buying a mattress online can have consumers wondering how this is possible but buying a Casper mattress

is completely risk free. Casper offers free delivery and returns within a hundred day period. So you can sleep on this thing for a hundred days risk free. That's very nice. I want to see someone return the mattress. I always want to see that happen. It won't happen to Casper.

No, you never will. It's that simple. Statistically, lying on a bed for four minutes in a showroom has no real correlation to whether it's the right bed for you. And that's why Casper has turned the buying experience into a risk-free experience. So Casper understands the importance of truly trying out a mattress that in all reality you spend one-third of your life on. I think I spend more than that in my bed.

So you can get $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting casper.com slash pka and using the code pka at checkout. $50? Awesome. Yeah, so a lot of our viewers... Come to this tiny box. Look at that. That's awesome. So it's about the height of a door knob.

The whole mattress came in the box? Yeah. I've done this too. I recommend that you open this this in a certain Yeah, Woody also got a mattress too recently I recommend you, you know, open it Somewhere where you've got some room I wouldn't necessarily do this in my bedroom I might knock a bunch of shit over But, you know, it comes in a little box

And it's a very comfy mattress I highly recommend it When you open it, does it kind of like, boom! It's a little slower Here's the deal A lot of people that watch this show are just entering adulthood recommend it. When you open it, does it kind of like boom! It's a little slower. Here's the deal. A lot of people that watch this show are just entering adulthood, right? I feel like our viewers are between like 18 and

25 now and they're just buying their first mattresses. The industry is tough to work with. They're super expensive at the store and you're supposed to negotiate, like you buy a car, a new car or something, but who knows how the fucking, like, what does a mattress cost? Who knows? What's a good one? What's a bad

one? I don't get it. If you go online, then there's no haggling. There's no fucking around. You know what you get. You get what you think. There's reviews. They set it all out. They ship it to you, like Chiz was showing, in this little box, and it's vacuum sealed. And that's true if they have the springs in them

or even if they're just pure foam. But they vacuum seal and they shrink it all the way up and when you cut open the bag they just slowly start like expanding and opening and whatever you lay it on your bed it's good to open it like on the bed so it doesn't just like knock your night table over and stuff and i'm thinking about going to a king-size bed this may be the time it you still haven't no i've got to have had a queen size that's that's the way to go oh treat yourself kyle you deserve it and uh and the online buying experience beats the in real life buying experience in this case totally yeah they'll freaking set it to your front door you open it on your bed and you've got what you want and it's it's the only way to go now it's yeah and this thing is awesome they were like it's the only way to go now. It's yeah. And this thing is awesome. They were like, it's fifteen hundred dollars for a regular mattress.

That's a very conservative estimate. When I was buying one a few years ago for college, some of these like nice mattresses, if you didn't want the complete shit tier springs poking in your ass mattress. Some of those are like three or four thousand dollars. Like this isn't a little bit of savings for a mattress. Like if you haven't bought a mattress before, you may think that this is a reasonable price. This is really a good deal. Mattresses are expensive as shit if you want a good one. And this one is soft but firm.

It feels soft, but it's supportive. It's not like a falling... Yeah, like a good tit. Yeah, exactly. That's the perfect way to describe it. It's like sleeping on titties. Casper.com. But yeah, no, this is't legit i know these guys advertise it

they're much bigger outlets than us too and uh and they sell good mattresses and it's the new model like i just going to college in a couple months get a casper bed man save some money you're a college kid yeah you're in college you're gonna be bringing girls home you want them to sleep on that oddly like sloped one that only you slept in all through high school. And they're going to be rolling into you uncomfortably all night. And they're going to think, oh, this is gross. It kind of smells like dead skin cells and nastiness. No.

Treat them to a new mattress. They'll be coming back for more. If you bring your mattress from home to college, that's the mattress you learn to masturbate in. That's true. Well, you're not learning. I'm sure you've already mastered it by that point. That's what I'm saying. That's the mattress you learn to masturbate in. Yeah, no, there are trillions of dead children in that mattress, you don't want that.

Well hopefully not in the mattress, hopefully you have a little bit of hygiene. Well you know they're just learning. They rolled over on their belly and humped it for the first couple times. On their belly. I don't think that's a learning curve of like you do it a couple times onto the mattress and you're like, you know what? I shouldn't leave this here. I shouldn't just, you know, forego any cleaning. Oh, Mr. Hotshot, the natural.

Oh, the guy who cleans them afterwards. Oh, I bet you wash your dishes in the vacuum too. But yeah, Casper.com slash PKA. Check them out. This is how you buy mattresses now. So, awesome. Amazon has a movie coming out and Spike Lee is making it. Oh, I wonder if it will suck as much as the Prime sale.

Amazon who ruined their name doing an online garage sale. It's a satire, and the subject is black-on-black murder prevalent in neighborhoods of the South Side and Englewood. So I think it'll suck. Oh yes, a Spike Lee joint about black-on-black murder.

That won't be anti-white. You know, I think he's gonna probably come at it pretty even-handed. You think so? Yeah. I do want to see the Easy E movie that we saw a trailer for, though. That interested me. Interested me?

Yeah. I don't even care about rap. I thought that for a minute you said Amazon with Spike Lee. I thought you meant he was making a movie about Amazon. About Amazon? Yeah, I did too. I was like, that's going to be so lame. Like, you click on a different tab, it's like

age, address. I would watch a documentary on Amazon. That sounds boring, but it's not. You've got to think, this is a company that was a bookstore. I didn't even know that. Never went to their bookstore. Really? You didn't know that? Yeah, they were a bookstore. They started as an online bookstore.

Yeah. Pushed out Borders and all those other guys that aren't yeah yeah barnes and noble still around right they're the only one i think that's good i like physical bookstores still like i don't want to see that go i like going and looking around you went to a physical bookstore uh really probably probably a year ago i've been the one in one in the last month and I just find them they don't have the inventory we need. No, and they're empty. I really enjoy walking around and there's so many

good books and especially like, I don't know, I enjoyed my book store experience. I always find that they don't have quite what I'm looking for. What are you looking for? There's a bunch of things I'll be interested in like you know let's have a book on entrepreneurship or something and then everything i see is like out of date or old bullshit yeah just like 40 years old yeah just not a fit for the kind of thing that i'm interested in or like you know what if i got a freaking coffee table picture book of farm shit not there

not what i'm looking for i don't know they never seem to have the exact thing i'm looking for but if you go to amazon they have every book ever published yeah but i feel like it's easier to browse in the bookstores like maybe if you need like a niche thing about carpentry or something it's better to go online figure it out but if like you just want a new you know game of thrones-esque book like that's but on amazon it's like all right do i want my new y Times bestseller? Do I want Amazon's bestsellers, the top ten of this category and stuff?

Like, how do I do that in a bookstore? Like, isn't it more pleasing to you to kind of just, like, sift through, like, read the back bit physically? You can smell the books. Like, that's a real thing. I will say, my daughter might agree with you. Because she, my daughter's a heavy reader.

She reads a ton. And, you know, like, whatever. Like, when the hunger games books were like new and fresh she was just reading through those things and yeah she'd go there and she'd get the book that she wanted in person the day that it came out like amazon has a hard time keeping up with that but yeah you know heck i was i got into i got into um open water sailing they call it blue water sailing like people who take small boats around the world. And the bookstore experience, they didn't have the stuff I wanted.

They didn't, you know, that kind of niche thing. Go on. There's a deal starting in a few seconds. It's competition throwing tomahawks. Oh! They're marked down from $67 to $48. If you want in on this, I can go ahead and link you up. $67 to $48?

All these deals are so shitty. I'm not trying to lose money on my Tomahawks. Who needs competition throwing Tomahawks? I bought one thing. I went under the house today to just check it and make sure everything was cool and I didn't have a flashlight that I wanted so Amazon happened to have this sale we're like you know our household

flashlights suck so they had a sale on them for $11 I bought but they were normally $15 so it was a crappy deal but if you buy something that you weren't otherwise going to buy then you didn't save any money you spent it and the one thing I bought so far was that. Flashlights.

Have you bought anything, Chiz? Yeah, I bought that multi-tool I showed in an Amazon Fire TV stick, which actually was decent savings. It's, I think, $38 normally. I got it for $24. I feel like we got a great deal. Sorry, continue. No, they're not that great.

I was going to say, I feel like Chiz and I got a good deal on our current TVs. Like, we both got. That was a great deal. What was it? They're like 500 bucks, right? They were like 500 bucks, and it was a 40-inch 4K TV, I think. Yeah, the LG. And that's what I'm looking at right now.

I love it. I'm not able to do 4K right now, but I've got a 4k monitor. So that's taken care of. And it was like three or $400 off. It just, it was like, ah, we gotta buy this.

It seems like a really good deal. Yeah. That was one where it was like, I have to buy it. Mirka. It seemed like it anyway. Any advice for going to college? I'm going to go in and start slacking because in high school,

I never opened a book in college. I know you can't pass by just by listening in class. How can I develop a habit of studying? That was directed at me? He's asking about college. Oh, so for college, as far as... Like, I had a fun time in college, but I got my shit done. And when it comes to studying and doing that like nobody's gonna force you to do it so if you have a shit work ethic you're gonna struggle for a couple semesters before you get it down unless you really start to take it seriously and eventually like if it takes you one semester that's really common a lot of people fuck up bad first semester

freshman year and then they kind of have to come back. You just can't let it go past that. No, not at all. Like, I had, like, rules for myself, like certain goals I had to complete. Like, if my friends were going out on a Friday night and I knew on Thursday, I would not let myself do anything that day until everything was done because initially I would be like, oh, fuck it, it's college, and for a few weekends I would just go out, have fun, get a little irresponsible, so to speak. And I would not be able to enjoy myself hardly

because the whole time I'd be like, shit, I'm in college right now. This is expensive, and I'm pissing it away by not even doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I can't even enjoy my free time because I'm just dwelling on, oh, I've got to get this reading done, I've got to get this quiz done. Just set goals for yourself. You got to have discipline. You got to say, I'm not doing anything until this is completed. Like, yeah, it sucks. Your friends are going to peer pressure you. They're not going to be doing their work guaranteed. And they're going to make you

feel like a loser for staying in sometimes to do it. But in the end, you're going to feel better about it. But it's all down to internal discipline discipline you have to set your own limits because no one's going to do it for you i don't know if woody agrees but that's yeah i mean you'll be lucky if you have a roommate that has that you know it can be a good role model for you that was one of the things that kind of helped me my my roommate my first roommate in college was disciplined at school and it was just like oh it's a whole new thing and this is like the way that people do it he was a sophomore i was a freshman and uh you know whatever um yeah i don't know and i've said before the thing about college compared to high school is that it was much it was more difficult for me to slack in college like i could be behind in high school

quite a bit and then still feel like i caught up to the class, like still go get them in terms of, it's like if they were, if it was a race, they're only jogging. So if you're capable of running, you can catch them easily. And then in college, it's like, well, they're moving at a quicker pace. Can you catch up? Yeah, you can, but you know, it's harder. And then of course, in my master's degree, that was as fast as I could go. If I fell behind, it's harder. And then, of course, in my master's degree, that was as fast as I could go. You know, like, if I fell behind, I was fucked.

I had to really stay on top of it. I think it's almost good to totally, not good, but like, good to get it out of the way early is to bomb a test, like, pretty soon in college, so you kind of learn to, you know, buck up. No, no, no, no, not

saying, like, I'm gonna bomb this one, get my freebie out of the No, no, no, no. Not saying like, I'm going to bomb this one. Get my freebie out of the way. But like it's good if like, you know, your first, I don't know, econ class or something, you think you can just waltz into it. Music appreciation. English lit in high school, and then you just get your shit packed in, and you're like, oh, my God, this isn't a joke. Like I can't, you know, read a couple of the chapters 15 minutes before the test

and then expect to do okay, as opposed to kind of just wading into it, getting low Cs for a while, and then eventually failing. You want a class where you can't do that? Take music appreciation where all the tests are hearing-based recognition. You will fuck up immediately and realize, I have to pay attention or I'm going to fail or drop out of this class. That class is so much harder. Are you using music appreciation as an example of a difficult class? I never

took it, but I always assumed that was the joke. It's awful. It is not an easy course. I thought it was going to be music theory, which I have taken online recently, which is totally what I wanted. It's notes, reading music, piano bullshit. No, this is you have to

know the composer the era of the piece the name of the piece by auditory recognition of pieces from the Baroque period fucking people banging on drums it was the worst class I ever took in my life I thought music appreciation was going to be me convincing my professor that I liked it. That's what I thought I really appreciate I like classical and jazz That wasn't it at all like she said it was like You know you need to go to concerts. We had to listen to stuff from the Baroque We had to to identify pieces and things like that and tell background stories and know stuff about... I didn't know... I thought because I liked music so much that

I would succeed in the class, but it turns out I didn't know anything about music and I was just... I struggled a lot. I got a C minus. It was not good for me. Yeah. That's what you shoot for in that class. No, because I ended up transferring, and anything under a C didn't transfer, so I wasted my time. There will be some classes like that to the guy who wrote in. There are going to be some classes you just suck at

that you have to take anyway, and you're going to have to learn to deal with a C or a C minus if you are a perfectionist. That's what I had to do for language classes, foreign language. I did terrible. My big thing for him is, like, you know, how can I develop a habit of studying? Just fucking do it, you loser. You know, you're like,

I'm scared that I won't study. Yeah, well, it's not out of your control, jackass. Do it. Do it, do it, do it. You know, just fucking buck up. I find it's helpful if the night before, you make yourself a checklist for things

you need to do, and every time you check something off that list, it's very satisfying. So that can help you. You cannot cram last night. Last night studying is the worst. That's not what I meant. I just meant like for every day. He means a daily checklist. Maybe a month before the midterm, part of your checklist is

study. Let's study now that's true i was like obsessive compulsive about keeping schedules so like i would like for the day like when i got to my first class i'd say like all right nine to ten this class ten to noon my next class i study for this noon to two uh go to this class two to three gym three to four dinner four to whatever do this and then if you like complete all that and you keep yourself accountable throughout the day and you actually hit it like even if you say from four to seven i'm gonna study for this and by 605 you're like i think i got this force yourself to keep going because you don't and then you'll feel good about going out and enjoying the rest of your evening

like and i would be anxious and maybe that's a fault like i get really anxious if i didn't keep my schedules and so i just wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if i didn't hit my goals there good for you for keeping a planner filling it out and sticking to it i admire those people i always would buy a planner and go yeah i'm gonna write down all my things to do every day and stick to a week a week it removes so much stress if you do that so i'm sure it takes discipline though yeah it does but yeah i'd recommend that keep a planner and use it this one's just to me woody do you ever think you'll go back it says so cisco but do you ever think you'll go back? It says so Cisco, but do you ever think you'll be go back to Cisco? Um, I don't know what life holds. Like that's the thing. It's a, one of the things about working

at Cisco that was nice is I kind of had a plan to take me all the way to like 60 or something, you know, for retirement. Now my plans don't extend out that far. I really enjoy my current lifestyle. Like I think this is awesome. And I make sure that all my buying decisions fit within the Cisco salary. The reason I didn't buy a house that had a loan attached to it was because I wouldn't want to be stuck there with a big monthly payment that would be hard to pull if I ever found myself going to the backup plan, which is working at Cisco or a place like it. If I have to go to Cisco, IBM, EMC, whatever, um, I, you know, I, I have no mortgage, right. I can still swing this. And, uh, um, so will I ever go back? Well, I'm trying not to, but, uh, if it does happen, you know, we make sure that, uh, that the things that I intend to pay for, I can still cover.

You know, like, hope college covered. That's already put aside. You know, the house paid for, that's already put aside. There's, like, big things. So I can live off of a normal salary. Would you be bummed if you had to go back? Because from when you've talked about it, it seems like you enjoyed that job, at least some. It didn't seem like you hated it. it well it's like anything right he hasn't done it in a while so it would be appealing at first but every you know there are aspects i'll tell

you yesterday as i was dealing with like uh it's it's not a sinus headache but it was comparable because the the swelling from my forehead had migrated into like my eye and nose and i had a headache that lasted all day long it's like this shit never happened when I worked at Cisco you know that job seems really good right now I'm like you know like whatever I'm gonna like meet the painters of my other house or something tomorrow and it's like hey guys yeah I'm fucking disfigured unicorn but you, I think if every day I started waking up to an alarm clock again and stuff like that, then, you know, I would look at this as the greener grass. Certainly.

That's one thing I think is cool about Kyle's household, right? There's three people that live at Kyle's household, and all of them managed to survive without like a nine to five and it's like ah that's kind of neat like everyone sort of carved out a way to get through life without um uh you know the nine to five like it's kind of cool if you can pull it off fuck nine to fives it's way too many hours of the day that are just nice you're never gonna be a civilization pro if you're working 9 to 5. I'll tell you that right now.

You don't have enough hours in the day. That's true. That was Kyle's planner throughout his potential college years. It was wake up at 2 to midnight. 12 a.m. to 11 p.m. 59. Civ.

That was his planner. Absolutely. And it's maybe the man I am today. By the way, Filthy Robot came to the event. He did show up. He didn't pull any shit. He's taller than all of us expected. Tall guy.

He's about 6'3". 6'4", maybe. Tall guy. I got a couple clips of him playing paintball. He had a good time, I think. He shot some people. Some of the fans recognized him. He signed some shit.

He hadn't been recognized in real life before, I don't think shot some people. Some of the fans recognized him. He signed some shit. He took pictures. He hadn't been recognized in real life before, I don't think. And that was kind of a neat thing. Like, he's like, oh, the autograph's recognized? You know, it's kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, we'll have to get him on at some point and talk about that a little more. And I want to play some more Civ with him.

You going to whoop him up again? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Make him your bitch? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to attack by round 30 round 30 I think I'm gonna attack around turn 30 oh why are you waiting so long I'm gonna attack with my settler I'm just gonna forward settle my capital right next to it I'll get the hands for the plan some more I I really do love that game we should we you need to play a game with us Woody we need to play like aka you'll

be the wild card he doesn't know how you play at all we could get we could get taylor to play too that way like all four of us are there do like do something like that it'd be great and we'll all team them we could literally do teams like you know we'll be on one team and he'll be on the other and we'll see how it goes that would never work i don't think it would go well it'd be like when we go against the deity no i do it no because he doesn't get a production bonus or anything like the deity does or start out with all the science starting trigger anything no yeah the guy who sent me the coffee was like i love i he said i love civ talk more civ talk every time i is he the guy who

tried to get free advertising at like no no he's the king of cocks he made the what is taylor's boring subject that people don't like to talk about what people don't like when i talk about hockey that much that is true some people love it but if i wanted to i could cherry pick and be like oh three people in a thread on the reddit Reddit said they want to hear more hockey talk. But I realize that's three people. Most people don't give a shit. Like, they don't care. I think they like your hockey stories, though.

Like, if there's a fight or something. But there's only so many of those. You can't regal us with a new story of some time you hit someone with a stick every week. Every Civ game is a new fucking story because someone's had it. No, but it's all the same bad story. Oh, and then my settler got three gold doubloons, and I traded him in for a chariot, and then I chariot rushed him,

and he was so pissed that he got mad on stream. Yeah, don't shit on the chariot or show rush, okay? It's very serious. It's very serious. Castle is still early. Like, ugh. Who cares? Stop.

It's shocking how accurate some of that is. Let's not talk about chariot rushes, all right? Let's just make it. Oh, yeah. All right, fine. We won't talk about it. I'm so glad that... See, I don't think I have the skill to tell these people, these people being

Kyle and Chiz, how much I don't fucking care about Civ nicely. Right? Like, Taylor does a whole rant and it's funny. You contribute a lot to Civ Talk as well, my friend. Do not pretend you're not in the Civ group. Fucking bless me for I have sinned, or wherever that

line goes. Forgive me. Forgive me for I have sinned. I am no goes I I forgive me forgive me for I've sinned I am no longer on the sieve talk I've seen the light he's our savior that guy's too much for me I don't have a candidate I like I don't have a candidate like in this kind of bothers me I'm a guy who follows politics a lot and uh they all suck don't vote they're all quite bad i i never really lined up with people who said like oh every candidate sucks but i i still can't find a guy i like say it with your vote by not voting there you go no bush

no clinton and i'm okay with it kind of you know just really don't let them make a dynasty what about Santorum yeah funny I don't want been there and see how long it takes to get oh I can't believe Trump is leading he's leading in the Republic yeah it used to be like you know he's got second maybe even first apparently there's a lot of anti-immigrant Republicans out there because he is- Who'd have known? What a fucking shocker that is. So progressive. Well, he was talking about those sanctuary cities and stuff, and some of that stuff is pretty ridiculous. I didn't know about that.

What does that mean? There's like cities in the U.S. where like at the city hall, everyone's speaking Spanish. Like where lots of the people in that Town are illegal, and it's just kind of an accepted thing. It's a sanctuary city Everyone in the everyone in Europe English is a second language from age. What does that matter because these people are illegal? So they're not they're not paying taxes. They're not chipping into the system the way the rest of us are I mean they're paying sales tax What does it matter if a department head or whoever learns Spanish to better

accommodate us? That's not what I was describing. Well, what are you describing? Where it was like a Spanish-speaking town. Like it had become a town of illegals, and then the whole thing was ran by illegals. My brother-in-law lives in a town

that's like that, but they're not illegals. They're Hasidic Jews. That's worse! We don's really no kikes hey is kike Jew I thought that yeah we had a discussion the other day yeah did you guys already have you had this discussion he has all of his racial slurs and mixed up I suck at racial slurs it was like what's WAP? I thought a WAP was a Jew. WAP is an Italian. Woody's like misconstruing things. He's like going up to a Jew

and being like, you're nothing but a Mick. I mixed up Mick, yeah. He used that one. I think there was like Charlie in there somewhere. That's a Vietnamese guy, right? Charlie and Tom Hanks. Zipperhead. I think you guys brought up.

I still don't know Zipper Head. Is that a Japanese person? No. No, it's a Korean. A Korean person is a Zipper Head? I think so. Where did that come from? Well, I didn't say that.

Korean or Vietnamese. I assume during the Korean War it came up, but I just don't know what about them is zipper-like. But, yeah, I had all my turns. Hey, don't ask me. I don't know what about them is zipper-like. But, yeah, I had all my terms. Hey, don't ask me. I don't know. But what was I – how did we get on this term? I don't know. Oh, the city Jews.

Yeah, yeah. I thought – when you first said kike, I thought it was Irish people. But – Yeah, Kyle just – Yeah. It still is, you Irish bastards. By the way, somebody wrote that in this AMA. Next week we're having Mel Gibson on.

Stay tuned. Yeah. Somebody wrote that in this AMA. Next week, we're having Mel Gibson on. Stay tuned. Somebody wrote that in this AMA. Maybe he'll get us out of all the trouble we'll be in. What was I going to say? Oh, yeah, they're Hasidic Jews. And they vote as a group, and they're defunding the schools that their kids don't go to and funding the ones they do. And apparently, they're not keeping their homes very nice. They're just kind of ruining the town

and manipulating the government to their own personal advantage. It's apparently a big deal. When has this happened before? What are we talking about? I don't know. I guess it's happened a lot of times through history. Yeah, I thought it was like a previous story. You clearly had something in mind, Kyle, and nobody picked up on it,

and now you don't want to go back to look like a bigot? Well, the Holocaust. The Holocaust, first of all. Wasn't that the exact thing that Hitler was saying? They were running everything. Well, yeah, they were sticking to themselves. I think one of the big reasons that I've always understood for why the Jews were persecuted so much

was one of them being pieces that I've always understood for why the Jews were persecuted so much was one of them being that the Christians part of the deal was you couldn't charge interest against other Christians but the Jews would. So the Jewish money lenders would charge interest and they got very wealthy doing this because for like hundreds of years there were

no non-Jewish people making money, lending money. Really? I didn't know that. Yeah, and they sort of keep it in their own communities. They spend money within their communities. So all that wealth is being taken in by their group but not really shared with the whole.

So they don't really... It's not a melting pot scenario where they become part of the community that they're living in they sort of stick to themselves and I think that's one of the reasons that I read about a lot of the times in those reddit posts it's like explain it like I'm five why do the Jews why does everybody hate the Jews

and they go through all these places throughout the world and times throughout history where they've been kicked out of wherever they were living you know the people have ran them out or the people have massacred them or whatever there still isn't a jewish community of helping each other that like i remember i was working with the guy his last name was kaufman and he went to a jewish doctor and i forget the word he used like fuck i but he just said it he's like you know whatever the opposite of gentile is you know like anti-gentile and he's like yeah

and then he changed the rate at which he charged him for the doctor's visit and i was like whoa that's such bullshit you know like i like i feel discriminated against now knowing that he gets discounted rates at jewish facilities and he's like yeah that's it's not uncommon at all do you wish you had the kosher meal if you went to prison is that what you're saying it's not fair the Jews kosher meal in prison I didn't even know the big plot line in orange is the new black I love there's a line in there like hey how do we pick out the G how do I figure out who all the Jews are whatever he's like you know we used to make more the Star of David on their shirt, and I forgot why we

stopped doing that, you know? I forget how the topic came up. I did, too. What the fuck was the topic? You were talking about all those Jews that live near you. I didn't like it. You mentioned a final solution? I can't think of one right now.

But, yeah, no, this no Somehow right before the Jewish thing We were talking about Whatever but anyway yeah my brother-in-law's town Apparently it's a big issue Well before you were talking about The Hasidic Jewish people We were talking about the illegal aliens And Donald Trump

Ah yes yes Thank you well done And we were talking about Sovereign towns or what were they called and Donald Trump. Ah, yes, yes. Thank you. Well done. And we were talking about sovereign towns or what were they called? Sanctuary. Sanctuary towns. Yeah, yeah. And that's how we got on this topic. Alright then. I don't like Trump, obviously.

What about a little China? Everybody's got a little China in their cities. Anything wrong with that? It's not the same thing as a sanctuary, but it is a section where they all speak Chinese and it is a Chinese culture there. I don't think most cities have that. Here's the thing. Big metropolitan cities do.

I think it's better for a nation, any nation, to be more of a melting pot and less of a salad. That when you have the salad thing, that's when the us versus them becomes a thing. You know, Italians don't really hate irish people in america outside the northeast a lot of people don't even it's like are you german are you irish are you they don't even know or care it doesn't matter and uh i think it's better for the nation when everyone speaks one language when everyone has one culture when everyone does that thing

and there's kind of a melting pot type deal when you look at like you know what used to be yugoslavia, and there were Croatians and Serbians and whatever, that's how civil wars... I think Donald Trump would agree with all of this. That's how civil wars happen. One nation, one language, one culture. Melting pots are a farce, though.

That's in Spain. There's three different groups and languages in Spain, and they might be on break of civil war. Italy has that as well, I think. Even, you know... I mean, where do you consider melting pot? Like even the south and the northern area alone is different groups of people with different cultures and stuff like that. Like melting pot is really a farce.

You're never going to get everyone to be we are this one nation. Unless there's a giant attack on the nation and then we'll all band together and hate the Arabs. Yeah, but it's also a false equivalency to compare the United States, which is gigantic, to a country like Italy, where it's mainly just a few subsections of groups who speak different dialects of Italian who don't like each other. Like, they're like a melting pot. Could you say, like, Norway is one? Like, they have a lot of

immigrants, and do they all speak the same language? I don't know, I'm asking. Like, or is the immigration problem big there? I don't know. Canada seems to be a fairly decent melting oh no no they got the french canadian and the english people but um if you're properly a melting pot then why does there have to be one language shouldn't everybody be kind of universally no i think it's better when i think it is good for a nation to have a common culture, a common language, etc. Well, yeah.

Well, then it's not a melting pot then, right? Like it's not a melting pot then. I think we're – This is the United States culture. This is the United States language. It's not a melting pot then anymore, the whole point. That's why you can have your little Italy's, your little China's, stuff like that. No, no.

What you're describing is what I call a salad. A melting pot is when everyone eventually becomes one homogeneous mass of the same thing. Obviously, like skin colors aren't going to blend or anything. But, you know, culturally, or they will. Yeah, who knows? But culturally, the idea is that a few generations in, they all become the same thing. You know, if you've gone to school. A lot of these sort of caramel color.

If you've gone to school with an Asian guy who is completely American in every way except he has an Asian look about him, that's a melting pot, right? You know, that's the target in my head. You know, I haven't, like, I'm really impressed with the work ethic of a lot of the Mexican guys in this area, right? Now, while they're not going to be titans of industry, their children could be, right? They're just a generation or two away from, you know, like... Probably good at rocket science, good in the rice field. But they're not dropping their culture in anything like that, too. I feel like you're saying they have to drop their culture.

I feel like they're just a generation or so away from doing that, right? Like the English, not the English, but like the Irish didn't instantly drop their culture. And now, like I've got a lot of Irish in me. What about all the Italians in Jersey, Boston, and New York and stuff like that that aren't even really Italians anymore? There want to be Italians that still believe they're part of Italy. What about all those people that are dozens of generations of people? Now, I'm from there. And you're right.

There's hints of Italian heritage or whatever. But I can get on board. But they're Americans. And I'm still convinced that for a nation, and this is not just America, right? If everyone shares the same set of ideals and language and culture, it's better for that country. And the ones that don't do that eventually have people poking and fighting and not getting along with each other, and it's just a constant state of combat.

I don't know about the culture part as much, but i definitely am on the same page with the language just because i would cohesion it is easier i think i would like it no doubt i just don't think it's realistic like communism isn't realistic to think all right bring all your immigrants here and let's all blend it's only not realistic when you set the bar so high that you make any difference in culture a big stumbling point, right? Like you say, what about those Italians in New Jersey who still associate themselves with being Italian? That's a fucking small thing. You know, like this is where I'm from.

This is an area I know. Sure, they talk quicker. They talk with their hands. But they're still us, you know? They're not like, oh, they're not American or anything. They're still us. They're just, you know, the Italian melted version of us. They're not like, oh, they're not American or anything. They're still us. They're just the Italian melted version of us. And the Irish guys, you could say the same thing. Yeah, but they're still us. When you have Little China and stuff, I don't think that's a great thing. I'd rather them work towards becoming us. You know, their own flavor of us, but melt it.

I think our culture is that we are a little bit of everyone's culture. That is our culture. We are a little bit of everyone. There is no United States culture. Point to it. Tell me what it is. Isn't that just like reaffirming the fact that we would be a melting

pot? There is definitely a United States culture. I mean, I would say that the people in the United States... There's a Western culture. No, there's definitely a United States culture. We influence so much of Western culture. Our movies, our music, so much. To just discount the fact that the U.S. has an independent culture is kind of silly.

Our love of the military, our work ethic, our sociability. These are all American things. Our patriotism is like no one else's in the world. That's nothing to be proud of. Yeah, it is. Is it really? That's up for debate, but it is an American thing. It shouldn't be blind patriotism,

but it's good to, at the end of the day, be happy with where you're living and not just constantly be melancholy and, oh, everything sucks and it could be better like is that being Patriotic though. It's easy to be patriotic when you're the best goddamn country in the history of the multiverse Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm I don't know. I mean that is a complex issue about the patriotism thing But I think as a whole it's good to be patriotic as long as you're not just blindly following quote

What are you quoting over there? What are you doing? It's a proverb. Pride comes before the fall. It's a proverb. Don't be proud of being American. Don't be proud of being American, huh? You didn't achieve anything. You were just born here.

Well, you should It's not Okay, then don't be proud of anything. Don't be proud of anything at all. No, be proud of the things you accomplished, that you accomplished. Be proud that Woody can be independently and financially secure. He achieved that. But to be just born here and be proud to be an American, why?

Because you were fucking born here? I understand what you're saying. That's blind pride. I think that it's intrinsically bad to say like, oh, you know, I'm Italian. You know, that's cool. All those cathedrals and stuff in there. Like, I'm kind of a little tiny bit connected to that. I didn't do anything to it, but it's cool to look back

and see what your potential ancestors did. You don't have to blindly say like, and that makes me the fucking best! But like, you can look at it and know that it's cool. Well, that's... I'm using hyperbole. It's a podcast. We did some cool shit, though. We landed on the moon and we invented nuclear weapons

and we fucked Japan in the ass. We've done some cool shit to be proud of. That's true, but at the same time I understand what Chiz is saying. Proud to be an American. Back-to-back World War champs. I didn't do anything to be an American except being born here. Yeah, sure, it just says it.

I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. This is complicated. I don't even know if pride is the right word now that Chiz is bringing it up. Maybe it's just like just recognizing the achievement of different groups. Like, is that okay? Like, you don't have to be, like, prideful in it.

What do you think? I think you can support your team, and if that's a form of patriotism, that's fine. You know, I get happy when the Philadelphia Eagles do a good thing. It's not because I accomplished it, but, you know, it's my team. Kind of. Like, I give a fuck about football. Kind of. Ooh, Carolina Hurricanes, you know.

I vote for them more than the Eagles. Anyway. Whatever. That's not what I was saying. I fall for them more than the Eagles. Anyway. Whatever. I was not saying be happier. Remember, well, because pride implies a kind of like, you know, you accomplish this. And I feel like I am a little piece

of the puzzle. I'm one three hundred millionth of why America is America. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. He literally is. Sure. Yeah.

All right, then. Let's stop there. Well, no, I like... We all have the same opinion on so much so often. I like talks like this. Well, I just think pride is stupid because so many people are willing to go, I'm proud to be an American,

but you're not proud. The people that usually scream that from the top of their lungs haven't done anything or accomplished anything in their life. They've got a bumper sticker on their car that says, proud to be American, and they didn't do shit. That's true. You didn't do anything. You were born somewhere.

You had the fortunate opportunity of being born in a country that is successful. That's actually one of the fun things about sports, too. I feel like when the Eagles do well, it's like, yeah, we're doing great. And when they lose, it's like, eh, they suck this year. They were my first pick team anyway. My home team is the

backup team in case they do bad. The Carolina Panthers play so far away. Yeah, when they win, you win. When they lose, eh, they had an off year. Not you. I don't really care about the Cardinals, but when they win, it win. When they lose, they had an off year. I don't really care about the Cardinals, but when they win, it's like, woohoo! I'll buy a hat and shirt. World Series champs!

I don't really care at the end of the day, but it's fun to co-opt the success of other groups that are kind of tangentially associated with you somehow. It doesn't always have to be a bad thing. No, but blind pride I think is. I agree with you somehow. Like, it doesn't always have to be a bad thing. No, but blind pride, I think, is. Just like blind faith is.

I agree with you there. Yeah, I feel like blind faith is a bigger issue than blind pride. Well, I guess blind pride is bad, too. I had to think it through. It can be. Yeah, if you're just proud of anything your nation does, meanwhile they're doing some pretty evil shit. Yeah.

It's not good not good sorry iraq yeah it was my bad 9-11 happened those people were brown you were brown we figured we'd kill you similar geographic area close enough right and then we were already there you know we kind of had to fit in for a penny, in for a pound. Yeah. God. Who would have known you were innocent? I guess you could have looked into it in advance.

I trusted. You just handed over the weapons that we would have never had to have gone there. You really should have just handed over those weapons. Instead of not having them. I think we can all agree about that now. You didn't have WMD. He should have bought some and given them to us. In the hindsight, wouldn't that have been better? Wouldn't that have been a better investment?

All right, I'll get some. Just chill. I'll get some. He's on the phone to Libya. Like, I need some fucking anthrax now. Why does this say DPRK? The Americans want it. I don't know.

They say if I don't give it to them i'm done uh yeah you're having to produce chemical weapons just to pay off the americans with them i remember hans blix you guys might not remember his name hans blix i think that was right he was the guy who was in charge of of looking for weapons of mass destruction in iraq he was doing the like he'd go from place to place to place and he could never find anything. And they just leveled the news. All of them said the same thing.

He's a bureaucrat. To say that he's completely incompetent at anything. It's only been his job for fucking decades or whatever to find these things. For ten years he's not finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. But, you know, he's a bureaucrat so you can't trust him. And, you know, we got to go in there and...

Troops on the ground to look and turn over rocks and go, Nope, not here. Oh, styrofoam. Oh, it's a dom. Look at that. Yeah, that was great. So, uh... Well, at least we hung that guy.

So, he really shit the fuck with George W.'s dad. Yeah, we didn't do that. We filmed it, I think. Wait, who hung him then? Iraq did. That was a militant group. That wasn't the U.S., was it? We wouldn't dirty our own hands.

No, no, no. That was the new Iraqi government. Yeah. The new Iraqi government, which totally was not our puppet. Well, our media got it. Yeah. Doesn't matter. He had a plot to kill George Bush Sr bush senior at one point george w did

not like that and so he had his people hang him you need a new question have you seriously considered the potential of obtaining a dedicated fourth host i think four people is the right size for the podcast, like three plus guest. I think five is, is a lot. I, I,

I'm trying to think of like what other shows do. Like Howard might have five people in the room, but a lot of them, their job is to just listen most of the time. Yeah. And it's like a revolving door of people coming in, talking, then they're out. Then another person. Yeah, and it's like a revolving door of people coming in, talking, then they're out,

then another person comes in. So it's like he's got two hosts and then his producer guy, right? So that's three right there. All right, so you've got Howard and Robin sitting there, and you've got Fred operating the sound effects over there. Anytime you hear a sound effect or anything like that, that's Fred.

You've got the producer in the back. But I'm not going through the whole show, right? Like that Casey guy is a producer, Fred, you've got the producer in the back. But I'm not going through the whole show, right? Like that Casey guy is a producer, but he's not taking... I don't think he's not with the show anymore, I don't think. Oh, my bad. But I'm talking about people who take airtime, right? Like Fred's there, he does sound effects, and he takes a little airtime,

but he mostly just laughs or agrees and disagrees, right? Gary, I guess, Baba booey like he hops on air soften and explains a thing but he's not really a guy who does airtime Howard dominates the airtime Robin is his second and that's that I think right like Opie and Anthony they have just two guys back in the day right well Jim Norton in there too so Opie Anthony Jim. And they've done it different ways. I mean, some people call it the Artie chair where Artie Lang was there

for a long time and he was always chiming in. So, I mean, there's different formulas for making it work. But yeah, I don't know. I don't see many that do five. The View might do five. Do they have five people on it? How many people are on the View? The View is five people I'm pretty sure. But I also feel like they're kind of busy sometimes.

And they're all bitchy cunts. Every podcast I listen to is three to four hosts plus a guest. How many is Adam Carolla? That is three plus a guest. That's actually more than I thought you would say. And they also have one or two people that are also behind glass that will come and talk on and off

from now and again you know they're there listening the whole time so they'll chime in you know I think four plus guests might be too busy yeah I agree even in this environment with four I find I'm also often like, where's my chance, where's my chance, where's my chance?

People think I interrupt a lot, not nearly as much as I want to. It is nothing compared to how often I have a thing to say. So yeah, have I seriously considered a fourth? Yes, absolutely I considered it, but I don't think I see it. I think five would be really busy and you know I see um other podcasts you know like small time things with lots of people on them like seven even and it's just a big mess of no one really getting the airtime they need in my opinion

um you guys want to do a long one In my opinion. You guys want to do a long one? Sure. Yeah. All right. Listen up. When is the right time to do YouTube full time? So I run a channel on YouTube and I've been doing decent for a few years now. I have over 110 subs and average about a million views a month.

I make anywhere between $1,000 and about a million views a month. I make anywhere between $1,000 and $1,800 a month from it. I just graduated college. I'm 22. All my friends are starting to get real jobs and make real money and my parents are getting on me about finding one as well. My degree is in mass media television production. The thing is, where I live, there aren't a ton of jobs in my field and it's a tough market to get into. The question is should I continue to try to make my YouTube channel explode and make enough money from that or should I give in and get a job in a chemical plant or something similar that is a starting pay of 50k but you work non-stop long horrible hours. I love making my own hours on YouTube but my channel is on the borderline of becoming big time. Any help would be appreciated.

A long time fan started watching in the blackps days when I was in high school. Love the advice you give, etc. Chemical plant. So this guy has an opportunity to make 50 grand at the local job that he doesn't really like. Long hours, etc. Or he can make $1,000 to $1,800 a month. Let's average that. $1,400.

How is that? Thank you. thank you um 1400 by 12 what is that 20 16 grand a year that I do this wrong 16 8 yeah I got it twice um Wow so this guy's at he's making 17 grand a year now and he wants to do YouTube full time I would say you do not have a full time job you have a hobby yeah that's the problem you're not making enough

and it seems like you've been going at it a couple years you've done really well better than almost everybody will but it doesn't sound like it's crossed over into that realm where it's like, ah, I think this is going to be it. This is really going to take off and be a thing that I should really focus on because I can only get bigger and better. It seems like you've been putting a lot into it, and it's still the hobby phase. So maybe continue along, keep it your hobby, do it part-time, and that doesn't mean that

it couldn't still take off next year, but you should get get a job it doesn't have to be a chemical plant though like that sounds so dreadful you're like i guess it's either youtube which is amazing or i could go work in the acid plant yeah like i do already have my acid suit and all like like like calm down it doesn't have to be the the acid plant like or something else that's another option too you know go out and make that leave town you know these like the only job and this this town doesn't have any jobs for my uh career all right well you know fuck my first job was i move for it um you know that's hard though that's really hard it's not get a job and move i think it's really hard to do that it's hard to do that yeah i think i think back in the day woody when you had

that kerchief throw on the stick and you popped aboard that freight train like eight dollars was all you needed to start your whole new life you bought your house with that money you the car and everything eight dollars goes a long way. But I feel like now... You're good. I don't know what videos this guy makes, so I don't know if the time of the year matters, but he's 22. He would need to save up, like, a lot of money to do that. He's 22, he just graduated school, which is perfect, right there. It's not like he's saying, you know, I can drop out and continue YouTube. You know, he's graduated school, so good on you for that

i say i don't know what videos you make i would give it until the end of the year what's the rush to get the job if you can keep doing this and get by with that little amount of money whether you're living at home or you know you can get a shitty studio apartment in in your one horse town for that much i'm sure and still live i talked to Lozon about this with fighters, right? There are these fighters in his circle who are making like whatever, 1,500, two grand a fight if they win. And they think of themselves as pro fighters. And he's like, no, you are semi-pro.

And it's about time you either prove that you belong in the ranks of pros or stop pretending that you do. And that's where this guy is. He's semi semi-pro he could go to the next level but he's not even making 17 grand a year that's not good yeah but he's also got something what's the rush is what I'm saying so he can get this job now with horrible hours and throw away whatever he's earned now in his YouTube career and if he is really and if he is really on the cusp of it now, he can keep working

and maybe turn that into a legitimate full-time job. Working up to a YouTube success is way harder than going and finding a $50,000 job anywhere in the United States, I would say. He has an opportunity here. I gave myself an ultimatum in 2013, like, all right, I'm going to do this, try to make money doing this. If it doesn't work out, I'll go get a job in one of these marketing firms and do this or whatever and then I stumbled on woody craft and all Then I didn't have to go down the course of action or pick one of those two options. I gave myself some time

There's no rush. She's 22 years old. I'm not saying he has to stop doing his YouTube channel I'm saying he has to get a job, you know, we don't know what videos he makes He might not be able to he says This job is long horrible hours. I don't care if he's got four hours I mean think about even just a cod commentary gameplay editing rendering uploading In trying to I was social media four times larger than him and I still pulled down a job in which I worked more than full-time You know it fucking do it. Yeah. It's hard. There's a reason

not everyone's a YouTube star. It, you know, it takes a lot of time at that stage where you're not making a lot of money. You know, when I first started, there was no money to be made. You couldn't even earn money off your own channel. And, uh, and machinima was just starting to pay for uploads. But anyway, he's 22. He finished school. Get a job. Get a job. Don't just, you know. But he could be throwing away an opportunity.

No, he only throws away that opportunity if he throws away that opportunity. I'm saying, you know, he's not at a stage where it's okay to just live at home and make video game videos. We don't know what he makes. If he made Devin Supertramp videos, I don't think we'd be saying that because that would be way harder and way more time consuming. Per video. He's a TV production major graduate or whatever. We don't know what he makes. So, I mean, I doubt they're gameplay videos.

Yeah, I'm sure they're prank videos or challenge videos or something wonderful. I'm just saying you can work your entire life. How many people can work up to something he did? Give yourself some time. And if it doesn't work out, get the job. Then there's a job every day. Work harder, bitch. Get a job.

Keep a YouTube thing going. Quit your job if the YouTube thing takes off. I'm pretty sure in this scenario his parents are fussing at him because they want to stop supporting their kid he's 22 yeah

I think that's good advice if you can do it Taylor what's your thought I totally agree with you you've got a hobby at this point and that's not talking down to you or doing anything like that. Like what he said, more impressive than

99.99% of people who are going to do this. Most people upload a video, get 70 views and nothing fucking happens from it. So you did something so you should be proud of that but it's not a full time job. You need to get yourself out into the workforce and start pursuing something else. You don't have to be working with arsenic at the chemical factory like Homer Simpson or something.

And you can do it in addition to this, right? You don't have to stop. It doesn't have to be one or the other. All right. So use the Joe example again. You're an amateur right now doing these fights. You either need to go pro or stop fucking around. That means training harder and getting those fights, right?

That doesn't mean go get a part-time job to supplement the income of your am fights right joe had a ufc fight and still had an it job yeah okay but i'm asking about the advice joe gave right like it means buckle down be a better fighter become a pro and get the money they're pro no it's stop kidding yourself you're not a pro fighter needs. No, I mean, stop kidding yourself. You're not a pro fighter. You know, you just play one on TV. Joe would say, you know, get a job, have a career, and, you know, don't pretend you're Joe when you're not yet. Keep doing your YouTube, but, you know, look into it, get a job that you think you might like.

I've got a question. The things that you're all good at, your YouTube, but look into it. Get a job that you think you might like. I've got a question. The things that you're all good at, your talents, weren't you kind of good at them the very first time you did them? At least a little better than everybody else, maybe? Like the first time you swam, Woody, did you show an aptitude toward it? Swimming is such a tough one, right? The first time I swam, I was five. I don't know that okay so so at

seven years old were you were you a good swimmer um i don't know were the sports or activities you were good at a young i'm sorry kyle i really don't i was at my grandmother's pool flopping around i i guess i was a little better i think what i was getting off the bottom what i was insinuating was that i think there's a lot of people who think that they're going to be a professional fighter a champion even and uh and i think they're all kidding themselves and and it's not just professional athletes who do this to themselves i think they're they're actors who think they're good they're they're going to be professional actors i think there's um there's you know guys who think they're going to make it on youtube there's guys who think they're going to be a lot of things. And it's clear that

it's like, no, you just don't have the talent. It's like you can try at some point, like effort and determination and all that is just not good enough. The people who are really leading the way in most things just have the talent. I used to agree with that. I don't agree with that.

I've seen so many losers I've seen that were so smaller than me are just juggernauts that YouTube is their full-time income now. I like Gold Glove as this example, right? Gosh, before I get started, this is not a dig. And Gold Glove, I think, would agree with all this. Way back in the early days, he was one of the top guys, right? I remember he lost his channel. he bounced right back to 50,000 subs which was a really large number at the time he's bigger than he was beforehand because everyone

yeah we all made videos where i know i did just exploded um yeah and and that was that and then somehow he had like those in-between years like where he's broke he was broke he He was broke. He just wasn't crushing it on YouTube. For whatever reason, people felt like he didn't have it. And now people clearly feel like he does have it. He's hit his stride and he's one of the most successful guys on Twitch. And he's successful on YouTube, but especially Twitch. And I feel like I've watched enough people not go in a straight line. I thought YouTube was just

a bell curve and that there were no exceptions to that rule. And then you watch Shay Carl go up and down and up and down. I think Guy Justine is having some of that. Gold Glove clearly had that. I think all those are talented people, though. I think they've all been... I think it was clear with all those

people that they were pretty good at what they were doing from the beginning. But if you can get to 100,000 subs, you're talented. Nah, come on. So what's your advice to the guy? He goes till Christmas? I gave my advice.

Yeah, I don't see the rush. I don't see why, because this is something that can go away. I don't know what videos he makes or what the hours are that he has to commit I don't know how easy it is for him to balance both I wish we could look at his channel You know that would be good if we could literally watch this guy's channel and be like oh, yeah, we suck, bro I don't know how you got 100k

Like if it were like that easy Right, you got 100k because his friend is good The fuck are you doing here? This is bullshit. You're awful Um, at 110k, I think he does have some talent. He's getting a million views a month. You don't get that without some talent. I think he needs to get a job and keep up the YouTube

thing. I wish we could see his channel. A. And B, yeah, he seems to be doing okay i and that was my recommendation try to do both at the same time because youtube seems to be so flexible especially if you're doing gaming stuff like you know you can be super flexible with that yeah yeah so i'm just looking i want to of... I could go back to the list. What is your favorite one-liner from a movie or TV show? So I like in Commando when...

So they kidnap Arnold Schwarzenegger's daughter and they're holding her for him to go kill somebody or they're going to kill his daughter. Anyway, he's told this guy earlier in the movie named Sully. He tells him, he's like, I like you, Sully. That's what I'm going to kill you last. And it's really intense. And so they separate.

They go their separate ways. And a few other things transpire. And there at the end, Arnold's got him held by one foot over this ravine. And he says, remember, Sully, when I told you I'd kill you last? And he's like, yeah, man, that's right. You did. You did. And he's like, I lied.

And he fucking lets him go right there. Just drops him off the cliff, you know, to his death. He goes back to the car, and the hot chick he's with goes, What'd you do with Sully? He's like, I let him go.

And it's just perfect. It's just like, it's like one liner after one liner. I love that. Perfect. Ugh. Mine would be from Snatch, and it's when three black guys are in the car

at the beginning of it, and he's like, why don't you park in there? He's like, it's too tight. He's like, you could land a jumbo fucking jet in there. And then shortly after that, he's like, they back up and hit the van like, oh, what'd you do there, Tyrone?

It was a funny angle. It's behind you, Tyrone. When you go in reverse, things come from behind you. Big fan of Snatch. I'm a huge fan. My girlfriend's never seen it. We're going to fix that very soon. Shit.

I feel like I can't hang with you guys and your more obscure references. I really liked it when... Shit. You know me and movies. can't hang with you guys and you're more obscure references i really liked it when um shit i gotta you know me in movies there it's uh tombstone val kilmer is there and who plays wyatt erp in that film kurt russell kurt russell and uh one of the bad guys is talking to kurt russell and he wants to have a duel with him they're gonna meet and meet. And Kurt's down for it, but scared because they're a problem. Like, you know, this guy's good.

And Val Kilmer brings out the I'm your huckleberry. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't have a problem with you. No, no, not you. And he's like, what? You know? Play for blood.

And it's the I'm your huckleberry. I've seen that movie about 15 or 20 fucking times. I love every bit of that movie. It's my favorite representation of Wyatt Earp, the shootout at the OK Corral, any of that stuff. It beats the pants off of fucking Wyatt Earp, which was the other movie made that year that's got Kevin Costner playing Wyatt Earp,

and it's not even close. Love that movie. That's a good one, Liner. There's a bunch of good ones in there. I like when Kurt Russell kicks the guy in the mouth with the spurs at the train station. He says, you tell them I'm coming. You hear? You tell them I'm coming.

And hell's coming with me. The music goes bum bum! It cuts to a wide shot out on the prairie and they're like riding hard chasing the bad guys it's super great movie love that shit you got one taryn every tarantino movie like come at late like tarantino movies are full of them. You could just say Pulp Fiction, that one-liner, every fucking scene.

There's a lot of good one-liners in Goodfellas, but I think the best one is with, what is it, Joe Pesci, when he does like the, what do you mean funny? Like a clown? Do I amuse you? And then he just like is cracking up,

then he just shuts his face down. And he's, yeah, funny like a clown like and he's like five foot two and everybody's horrified of him because he's just a deranged monster yeah he's just a complete monster remember he is the guy who plays Christopher from Sopranos I can't remember his name but but he I think his character is like Spider or something. Yeah, Spider in Goodfellas. He's the kid who's bringing the drinks over to the Goodfellas when they're playing poker.

And fucking Joe Pesci gets his pistol out and starts shooting the floor, blows the kid's toe off or something. So the next week, he's limping around all bandaged up. Joe Pesci's picking on him again. The kid says something and he fucking, and they're like, whoa, you're going to let the kid talk to you like that? Whoa, like De Niro, like all of them are giving him shit. And Pesci just draws down. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Ha! Ha! You're not funny now, are you? And everybody's just like, what the

fuck? You just killed the kid. Like, what you was saying? And it's just like, what the fuck? You just killed a kid. What you was saying? I'm just fucking with you. Waste him right there. Yeah, that's intense. Goodfellas is one of the best gangster movies I think there is. Casino's good too. It's really high up there. Casino's good too. Casino's awesome.

I don't like Casino because Sharon Stone's a dirty whore and she ruins the whole thing. Dude, dirty whore. You recommended, I'm going to mess it up, Apocalypse-o or Apopalooza. Apalooza. Now she's a bit of a whore. Oh, my God. Kyle's like, you might like Apopalooza or whatever that is. Apaloosa.

Apaloosa. Apaloosa. Oh, my God. So our star in this movie falls in love with renee zellweger and when you first get when you first meet her you're like oh you know she seems nice she's cultured you know what is this woman doing in this town and then like i guess she fucks the main character and then she fucks like like she gets kidnapped or something and the kidnappers know the main character because they travel in like badass cowboy circles and she's frolicking naked with that guy and she

gets like don't forget she tried to sleep with his buddy too yeah she tried to sleep with his buddy i don't know if we have the order right and then the the the main bad guy fucked him too and then um yeah and and this this guy's still in love with her i'm like you're still dude i i wouldn't pissed on her if she was on fire i this girl my dad didn't like that either he's like what a slut he didn't like that he's like he's he did not like that at all but i thought it was a good movie, right? You liked it, right? I enjoyed the movie. I just wish that she died.

Sure. Okay. I'm with you 100%. She should have been killed at the end. Yeah. He should have been like, you know what? Yeah. I'm over you.

She was terrible. You should try 310 to Yuma again. I particularly like the bad guy in that, the red-haired guy. He plays in that movie. You ever seen the movie 30 Days of Night? It's like Alaska vampire movie. The main human who sort of infiltrates

and kills all the dogs and takes out the power grid. It's that red-haired guy. He's asking for raw meat at the diner at the very beginning. I like that guy. He's a good actor. He also played in um pandorum which is that space movie where they wake up out of hypersleep he's like the main star of that i like you want to see a really good yeah you want to see a really good set of sort of sci-fi

horror movie with a really nice twist ending pandorum it's excellent yeah that thing is great. Oh! I'm looking at one-liners. They live, right? He's got these glasses on. Go ahead, do it. I have come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. Bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum.

And then the cop draws down and he goes, boom! Kills him with a 12 gauge. Lady screams. Boom! Kills her too. And he's just wasting everybody in the bank. It's great. Love that movie. That's on YouTube for free. They live. Rowdy Piper is playing the

alien killing Duke Nukem origin story with his special glasses so he can see the reptilian invaders. All their propaganda. That's a pretty good movie there was um it's a really cheesy movie but it's it's worth watching uh shit i lost my train of thought now yeah whatever it's rambo you want i heard that rambo is not fighting ISIS in the new Rambo movie. His publicist denied those claims, and I was just like,

well, Rambo's a faggot then. Rambo should fight ISIS. What's he going to be? Who's he fighting? If he's not fighting the Irish or ISIS, then I'm not watching. You know who would fight ISIS and not be scared? Seth Rogen. I could watch that movie.

I would watch a movie where it was Seth Rogen fighting ISIS. He went to North Korea and he was going to murder their leader. He'd go to ISIS and give them a go. Yeah, maybe they could make a sequel. The Interview Part 2. So there's a player on WoodyCraft.

So it turns out that Osama Bin Laden didn't actually die and they get an exclusive interview with him. Oh, here's a half hour shorter. There's a player on WoodyCraft. Hold on. So it turns out that Osama Bin Laden didn't actually die, and they get an exclusive interview with him. That would be great. There was a player on WoodyCraft who asked me why I was racist against Pakis, which I guess means people from Pakistan. And I wrote back to him. I'm like, dude, I'm totally not racist towards Pakistan. I'm even starting to learn your language.

It was a good one. I don't, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. This is a good one. I don't even think that's their thing. Probably not. It's not, no. If you are a racist, that's not even the route you take, is it? All the other players thought it was good.

And is it, is packy, is that like a bad term for people in Pakistan? I don't think so. It doesn't sound good, does it? It's term for people? I don't think so. It doesn't sound good, does it? It's on the border. It doesn't sound good. Anything with four letters that's a really hard N to it. It's a step up from sand, nigga.

I don't think packy is bad. I think they would self-identify. It's probably bad because usually when they shorten it that much, it's bad. No, I think they would call themselves Pakistanis. I think they would be like we're pakistanis we're not pakis yeah pakistanis the correct i don't i'm googling it how did we get here you know like chinese and chink you know they shorten it to make it offensive there's been way you're on a tirade tonight chiz yeah just because i'm saying the words doesn't mean anything bad on a real

racial slur role here. Kyle and I don't approve. Something is wrong if you two aren't offending some scary groups. A Muslim Twitter just followed me right now. I'm not even making that up. According to apakilinks.com

it's kind of like the N-bomb in that they use it amongst themselves all the time but if we say it, it's not okay. the N-bomb in that they use it amongst themselves all the time, but if we say it, it's not okay. I did not know that. Oh, and then as I go on, someone already mentioned

a good analogy with the N-word, and a black person reacts to it. Same thing with Pakistan's. To some, it's not a big deal. To others, it symbolizes hatred and racism. So, I had no idea. I thought Paki was cool, because he used it i didn't say packy by the way he said why do i hate pack i mean you said it about 10 times at least by now so let's not it's not someone in case anyone out there is actually keeping count for how many times you're gonna lash someone or like you're trying to figure out which pit of uh I'm going to be thrown into.

I didn't say it once. Oh, you're in the deepest pit for different reasons. So you mail that bomb to them, not me. Racist. Anyway, I was wondering what your stance on vaping is. I noticed Mirka vaping last episode

and I just wanted to see what you feel about it. Why are you criminal, Mirka? Mirka, you vaping last episode and i just wanted to see what you feel about it why are you criminal murk are you criminal murk are you vaping vapor i'm a crim so i'll say this i understand and i've always categorized them as two different people there's the people that do it to get off of cigarettes and they uh vape nicotine which i've tried and i don't care for it but then there's a subset in bigger culture i would say which is the people that have just taken it up because they want to that they don't vape nicotine and that i don't understand you could vape pot right that's a thing that people do yeah but that's not what they're referring to when they say vaping yeah i wouldn't think they're

talking about that i think they're just talking about the e-cigarettes. Yeah. Which, you said that you don't like them very much, right, Chiz? You prefer the real deal? It just doesn't have the same burning kick to a cigarette, even if you have really high nicotine on it. And you need that burn, that

hot air, that kick. How long have you smoked? Four years. Are you 21 or 22 22 so hey stayed within the confines of the law that avoid totally right have you ever tried have you ever tried nicotine patches but it's not the point like I know what I asked that's not what I asked. That's not what I asked at all. Let's see where this goes. Try a nicotine patch and see how that affects you. Don't tell me how it's going to affect you without trying it.

But I don't care. That's the thing. If there was something that didn't have tar and nicotine and bad stuff that felt the same, I would do that. I quit at Woody's like that for a week. It's not like I have a problem getting off of nicotine it's this action that is relaxing me yeah how much do you smoke every day because it probably is a nicotine thing on some level it's easy to quit I would assume cigarettes for a week if you know at the

end of the week you can start it back up again uh no I don't know have a pack a day something like that it's not a lot I don't think it's a lot half a pack is a lot you think that's it today I'm gonna say you smoke more like 15 a day. It varies between half to three quarters of a pack. It depends what I'm doing. So you smoke about 15 a day, Kyle? Or a whole pack a day? Or when you smoked? Oh, jeez.

Ah. Um, it would depend. If I was really stressed out, I could smoke a whole pack in a day. But that was a rough day. And it was a long day, too, usually. It was a day where like it started really early and didn't end until really late like if i was away traveling then we might get up at you know six in the morning to get the day started and then we work until dark and then take a shower

and go out for like dinner and you know some fun or something so it might be like a a 14 or 18 hour day so so kyle and you i want to i don't know how to phrase it any better, but you failed to quit a couple of times. You quit for a little while, then started again. But this most recent one is long enough that I feel like you quit quit. I smoked a couple with Chiz on this trip. Chiz is a bad influence. Every time I get around Chiz, I smoke a few with him, but I haven't smoked any since then. How many cigarettes do you think you've smoked this year?

This year? That's hard because he didn't quit. Oh, wait. I thought he quit before this year. I don't remember when I quit. I didn't really keep track. But I wouldn't say... Three packs. But I wouldn't say, like, um... Like, not... Three packs. Yeah, maybe.

Like, something like that. Like, I smoked a handful with Chiz on this trip. And the last trip. You don't think that's a mistake? I think I've got... Well, normally I would say it would be, but I feel like I'm smoking just kind of out of camaraderie. I just kind of want to go smoke with Chiz,

because, you know, it's... I'm not a smoker, but, like, an alcoholic would say that's a huge mistake. Like, once they break that seal, the bad things start happening. I think it's a different kind of addiction. It depends. With nicotine and alcohol.

I feel like alcohol's got such a weird... There's such a physical dependency on it, too. Alcohol does very different things to your body than nicotine does. But, I don't know. I haven't smoked anymore since I got back, even though I was at that stressful fucking situation in the airport.

I didn't smoke one then. Oh my god. It was Terminal 2 that I was supposed to get off on. You were like Terminal 3. I should have gotten off before you even got off the bus. So I had to go all I was supposed to get off on. You were like, Terminal 3? I should have gotten off before you even got off the bus. So, I had to go all the way back to the rental car place. Woody was lucky he had a guy that had the same terminal as him. Because that's how he got off.

Otherwise, Woody would have joined us on the merry-go-round. We rode all the way back. We rode all the way back to the rental car place. Then got off. Got on another bus. And that guy, immediately, he was like, Who are you flying with? I'm like, Delta.

He's like, Terminal 2. And I was like, why didn't the last guy do that for me? And he announced it at every stop, too. He's like, Terminal 1. Every stop. He made sure everybody knew what was going on. Just so you know, if there wasn't a guy who had the same flight as me, I was on my way to the bus driver.

Like, I would not have just, yeah. I wasn't just lucky. That's the first guy. Fair enough. Anyway, I just assumed I would spot a sign that said Delta outside. It was weird that we were being dropped off on the arrival end of the airport. Usually, you get dropped off on departures, which is the upper level. It was a bit confusing.

you get dropped off on departures which is the upper it was a bit confusing in any case like when i got to security um there was about a 45 minute line to to check your bag and then there was another 45 minute line to get into security and i knew that my 45 minute line was just slowly being added to that one so it's just it's it's you know we're all of these people in my line are gonna go to that line. Luckily, the flight ended up getting pushed three and a half fucking hours. So I didn't get home until late. I had an issue with security too. So I didn't check any bags.

So I had my suitcase, but I put it through the thing because I was going to put it in the overhead. And that had a paintball marker in it. Now, paintball markers are okay to bring with you. They say it on the thing. You don't have to check them. You don't have to, like, get a special. Like, if you carry a firearm or airsoft, too, I think, they, like, treat that like a real gun. But paintball markers, you can carry them with you.

It's no big deal. But the people in the TSA acted like it was, acted like I was bringing a gun with me. And I'm like, that's a paintball marker. You can bring it on. It's on the freaking airline website. I can show you on my phone if you want. And they're like, all right, well, you need to check it. We can't just take your word for it.

So they talk to someone else. They say it's okay to bring a paintball marker on, but they have discretion. And if they say it looks too much like a real gun then uh then they can make me check my bag and my payball marker is not one of those that looks like a real gun it looks maybe it's an it's an empire act it's the standard speedball marker look they all look the same it's a speedball marker it doesn't look like a real gun yeah i, I know I'm just going to get a quick picture of it so people see There we go it it looks like this except mine's gray that that's what these things look like so and They decided that it looked too much like a real gun and that I had to check it and I had to you know

So she walked me back there, and then I had to go through the line again, and like I don to check it. And I had to, you know, so she walked me back there and then I had to go through the line again. And like, I don't know. It was a mess. I emptied my pocket so many times I lost the receipt to the car rental thing. And I don't know. Just took extra time. But I still made my flight. That's ludicrous. I ate a Chicago

style hot dog in the airport. That was well worth the whole thing. So it came with a gun and they shat on it? It was really fucking good. It actually came with a whole pickle spear and two slices of tomato and all these hot peppers. It was really fucking good. I have an idea. I don't know if it's

a good one. Do you want to try to do a lightning round with somebody? Do you want a lightning round chiz? I'll do it. I don't mean to volunteer someone else. I don't care. Sure. Yeah, we could do that. What about lightning round everyone?

I don't know how we would really make that work. We can do it with Chiz. So we just think of two questions, right? Usually we aim for four. Right, four. Four questions and they can't be yes or no's. Yeah. I mean, they can. I don't see and they can't be yes or no yeah yeah i mean they can i don't see why they couldn't i'll just use a computer pad and i'm supposed to give a quick response so make sure your question doesn't require bibliography at the end all right lightning round for Cheers. Cheers show.

Cheers show. So I watched the Get Hard movie with Kevin Hart and Will Ferrell. I watched Citizen 4, which is the documentary on Ed Snowden that was really good. Watched Focus with Will Smith and his co-star who's in Suicide Squad.

That wasn't bad. Interstellar and Paul Blart too, because I have no shame. Those are the things I watched on my trip. I should watch Get Hard. That was a really good movie. Not much of a Will Ferrell fan, but, you know, fan but you know Kevin Hart was good and I laughed so that's why I watched it I've got three I thought it would make me laugh but you know not everyone likes to laugh and I understand that sometimes you want to see action movie or something like that Interstellar was really good I didn't mind the paradox inside of a paradox as much as more people

it did take away and I can see why it didn't win for best movie of the year who won? like 12 Years a Slave I think or I don't remember I didn't watch that we watched Boyhood I didn't think that was that great either. No, that was a contender as well.

I really didn't care for that. I get why it was cool, but it would have been cooler if it was a legit documentary over the course of somebody's entire growing up and not acting. You know, that wasn't that kid's life. But, tis the day And sometimes things just happen Taylor, how many do you have? Four Damn it, I'm the slowest

Interstellar was 2014 Who won best picture? You already got your four, Kyle I have three Ah, I was right 12 Years a Slave won best picture in 2014 Look at me I never saw 12 Years a Slave

I didn't either I've heard good things. I have as well, but not my cup of tea. Who was in that? I don't know. A bunch of black people. I kind of inferred. Really? Were there any evil white people we might have known?

I don't think so. Why would they frame it like that? There were no known actors from every trailer I saw, which is why it kind of didn't interest me. Yeah, usually I need to know at least one actor in a movie to kind of draw me in. At least one, I would say. All right, I guess I got four. It's not a Netflix series. I do want one named actor in there to help me want to see the movie, you know. But Interstellar was pretty good. I thought Matthew

McConaughey did a stellar job. Matthew McConaughey. Alright, alright, alright. I'm done. I was really sad when they got back and they're like, it's been 24 years. I was like, well, fuck. What's your favorite food? Pizza.

Taylor? I'll go third. What city has the most obnoxious people? Austin. What's the worst part of working at Woody Craft? There's a lot. Yeah. Angry players making everyone happy. Kyle?

What politician do you wish would just die? John McCain. Oh! No. Seems so moderate. What an asshole. Heart attack. Would you rather make out with a hobo or watch your parents have sex twice a day for a month?

Twice a day for a month. That's a good one that's a lot of fucking time and I gotta commit to this I don't know that your father can handle that schedule that seems like a lot I don't know if your mother can what do you got my dad?

I'm going with hobos just because I feel like three people are I don't know if your mother can. What do you got, my dad? I'm going with hobos just because I feel like three people are suffering in the other scenario. This is kind of a two-parter. What does your father do for a living, and do you plan on moving with him together? He is a sysadmin for the county of Sacramento, and yes, unless I move before. What animals do you think make the best pets? Wolves. And zebras. And giraffes.

Those are all asshole animals. Carry on. Pandas. Pandas. Pandas. Taylor, number three. Do you have multiple of those hats, or are you always wearing the same smelly one? Three.

I don't have to fucking impress you. You look like a goddamn owl without any accessories, bitch. I don't have to fucking impress you. You look like a goddamn owl without any accessories, bitch. I don't need accessories. Do you think pot has any negative effects on you? Yes, depending on what age. How do you want to die?

When I'm 150 in my sleep. No, how do you want to die? Sleep. Old age. Nothing exciting. Old age. Nothing exciting. Old age is an answer. Fuck that.

Yeah, we know you don't care if you fall from a helicopter and die at the age of 25. We all know how cool you are. Every time we're up in a plane or doing something... Very boring. I'll look at everybody and I'll be like, what if this fucking plane, we just lose an engine and we fucking hit like a water tower or something just fucking

explode I was like that's how I want to go I want it to be like a ball of fire I want a very uneventful death in fact it'd be great if no one knew about it you have to punch an actress in the face on live television as hard as you can who is it George Clooney actress

oh fuck Rosie O'Donnell Who is it? George Clooney. Actress. Actress. Actress? Ah, fuck. Rosie O'Donnell. I love that. Does Betty White count? No, she'd kill her. Wow, you want Betty White? That'd be hilarious.

She could take it. She could take it. She could not take a punch. Your life would be ruined after you hit Betty White. Who do you think I am? Do you know what kind of punch I throw, first of all? Enough to kill Betty White. All she has to do is fall from head height to the ground, and she's dead. Actress is hard.

Sarah Jessica Parker. Okay. That's actually better than I thought. Give her an uppercut. Maybe fix it. Maybe it'll fit. Yeah, it'll fix her face a little bit. In 30 seconds or less, how would you tell somebody to invest their money?

Go find an S&P 500 account and go take half of your income that you can sustain and put it in there because it is safe. And unless you're going to do a bunch of time and research, do not buy things individually. Yeah.

Which would you rather give up forever right now? coffee Cigarettes or one of your testicles Is that even an option? Because well, I think I think I like them more than my testicles. I Don't know only one of them your priority list is fucked up What test I've gotten to quit soon, so cigarettes.

Everyone on the planet with a certain trait immediately dies a horrific death. What trait is it? Stupidity. Below what level? What do you mean? How do you gauge the stupidity? How do you define it? Obviously, you've got some sort of magic angel, like,

Passover of the dum-dums. You have to name all 50 states. Oh. Yeah. Name all 50 states and know who... So it's America. Right? Like, it's just us left.

Well, then how do I set a measurement for the whole world? The first part about that is there'd be so many Europeans who know all 50 states and so many fucking dumb-sums over here who don't. Yeah, it's so... America would die. Yeah, exactly. And I'm not saying that I know all 50. It might take me a minute. I don't... What kind of bar can I use globally? See? Uh, just reading and writing in English. There you go.

We'll have a global melting pot. That would actually not kill that many people except maybe a lot of southerners because everyone in Asia and a lot of places teach English at the most rudimentary levels. I don't like this. I don't know if we can go with stupidity.

I feel like we've got to go. I'm killing the dumb people. That's risky. Who's going to do all the coal mining and the politics? Who's going to do all that? If you had to phone a friend, would you pick your mom or Siri? You said friend, and neither one of those is a friend. I pick Siri.

I pick Abstain. I pick Siri. Siri is a dumb, slow wh whore I do way quicker than her Siri is is amazing. You just have to know how to phrase your questions correctly Yes, it's like this and how I think like think to the robot for me Well, you don't have your fucking phone on who wants to be a millionaire. It's a game show You just got here. You have to eat three pounds of something that's traditionally not edible over the

course of a week. What is it? Where are you getting these? Did you make that up? That's a lot of fucking weight. Traditionally edible? Goodness gracious. Oh, God. Traditionally edible? Goodness gracious. Oh god. Uh...

You got a week. Traditionally edible. Fuck! What's not technically- alright, what's the bar for edible though? I'm saying traditionally not edible. Wood, tissue paper, plastic. So grass clippings would be acceptable? I'm taking water with a dash of salt. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's awful, that would kill you. No! Yeah, grass clippings, that would kill you. No! You're gonna be eating a gigantic bag to get three pounds of grass clippings. You're gonna be shitting just as you're eating. Oh god. Wax.

Wax. He's gonna eat candles, he says. Yeah, that might even taste like the scent. Yeah, French vanilla candles, start eating those fuckers up. Oh, imagine that, that's gonna congeal in your colon. You're gonna be shitting out a long Corinthian style candle. The melting point of most wax is around 100 something, so I'll be good.

I don't melt out. Every time you cut your hair or shave at all, you have to eat the trimmings. How long is your hair? Oh, that's good. I think I will let the beard grow out a bit to where I usually let it grow out

I don't know I guess what I normally do it would not be that long nothing would change I can't rock my hair long alright can I mix that in with the wax you know it'll help Nothing would change. I can't rock my hair long. It's awful. All right. Bon appetit. Can I mix that in with the wax?

You know, it'll help. Yes. Yes, you can. You can mix it in with the wax. Pick a group to kill. People who are way too proud of their cars or people who are way too proud of their Apple devices? Apple device people go.

Oh, that's a mistake. Because those are hipsters. That's a mistake. You're killing off a lot of at least somewhat intelligent people. I'm killing off at least 100 million hipsters. Yeah. The people who are passionate about cars range on the entire spectrum.

People that are passionate about Apple devices are typically just hipsters. You can zero right in on Jay Leno, dude. This is your chance. It's funny. I was thinking of him when you said it. Are your grandparents alive? One grandmother in Spain. All right.

Your grandma in Spain is only alive as long as you don't brush your teeth or clip your fingernails. How long is she alive? Five minutes. She's an awful human being. Oh, really? Oh, really? Yeah. She's anful human being

When she came here she shoplifted several times Abandoned family members that were under the age of eight because she was upset with them You're holding the magic clippers. She's like fuck that That's awesome you get $20,000 for every stray dog that you kill how many stray dogs do you kill oh all every so I would hunt down stray dogs and fund my adventure that's our new reality show cheers cow dog murderers first when I killed just funded my golf cart fleet now, I've got a posse of people In your garbage rooting around got a whole mess of dogs we net it up last night

Let's get to killing dog the bounty hunter. I'm terrible at this game. It's okay an airsoft pistol at this game. It's only an airsoft pistol. Just pictures of Woody getting mauled while he's on the ground. Yeah, it would just be... No mercy. It would be a dog holocaust. There would be statistical changes to the dog

population. See, I said the price too high. You said it too high, and I have no emotional attachment to the dog. 20 grand a dog. I should have said $500 a dog would have been... $500 or $1, grand a dog? 20 grand a dog. Like I love dogs. I should have said one or five hundred dollars a dog would have been well five hundred or a thousand dollars a dog would have been more reasonable. I'll still do it. Yeah yeah it's gonna pile up. Couple dogs.

We're gonna. A couple dogs in the house. We're gonna be baiting them in blowing them away with 12 gauges poisoning dogs like like. They're stray dogs so nobody cares about them I have no emotional attachment to the low end dogs up I'm doing the society a justice and the SPCA for that matter They don't have to take care of them choking dogs hanging dogs Make punch running them over cheese if you could go back and into an error in time other than the present What would it be eating them? I said a ma question you stole An error in time that is in the present what would it be? Eating them? That's an AMA question you stole. Um... An era in time that is in the present

is the question. Well obviously whenever this hat was in fashion, right? You're going to live there. 1891. I would be so fucking pimp, yeah. You know what? Whenever I see like old pictures of people from the 40s or the 20s or whatever, I wonder how their bathroom hygiene is. Like, do those people have dirty butts? Are they walking around with me am i i'm not the only one who thinks that

they're all walking around like ass pussies and like dirty assholes they're all very hairy they all stink they all have bo and it's rank like by the way pk fans you all for the majority you guys smell good there are a few you know there are a few of you stunk i'm gonna be honest but most of you smell pretty good and like every one of you you know i took a picture with so it was like we know not many of you smelled bad we know yeah we know yeah it was a horrible yeah i just pictured like women with why do you think the photos are all tinted yellow and guys like i just did toilet paper wasn't then what it is you know even if you bump up to like the 30s and stuff and they're tearing pages out of a magazine everybody changed and ate steak and drank black coffee like oh yeah there's no air conditioning right so everyone just had like

daily swamp ass yeah that's the swamp master yes but like even their underarms would stink and stuff like i i just imagine they all look fucking superb in their suits and their fedoras seersuckers. Yeah, uh All those people that think we've been romantic to live in the 17th century the 16th century all that bullshit Yeah, a time before air conditioning fuck that No, we live in the best time in the ever best time ever, ever, ever, ever. Right now. Right now. You know what? Second best? Like, is gonna be today, tomorrow. Yeah, second

best is yesterday, and tomorrow is gonna be the new best time ever. I promise. Up until there's like a Fallout 4 kind of scenario, you know, global, like, nuke swapping sides, then, you know, that's a little different but as of right now the current trajectory tomorrow best time to ever live ever ever ever it this is a it's

fucking 70 degrees right here in my house and it'll stay that way as long as i fucking want it to forever and ever it's so miserable outside i wouldn't even want to exist in there it was 65 in my hotel room for three fucking days and i was only in it for maybe five hours she's crossed the line between air conditioning and refrigeration i thought at one point it had one of those sensors where if the light's not on it thinks people are away so i flipped the fucking light on too i didn't give a shit i was keeping that ac running ac is a wonderful wonderful thing i wouldn't want to live pre-AC. I feel like I'm so saturated with stuff and with my brain

these days. I multitask so much. I always want more and more input coming in, more information, more like I want Netflix playing and Reddit on my phone and to be doing a third thing at the same time. I don't even know if I can survive reading fucking Charles Dickens all on my own

in some dusty old library. Or reading nothing. Yeah, or riding a horse or something. That'd be the height of entertainment. Maybe fucking some smelly old prostitute. All the pussy had to stink. All the pussy had to stink. Oh, it would have been horrific.

It would have been like walking into a trout market. All you gotta do is watch like one hour daytime television and you'll realize there's like 20 products to keep women's pussies from stinking. And none of them existed in those times. So I can only imagine, like, with the indoor plumbing

and the methods they had, they would have been just some like hack job where it's just like, oh, just rub cloves on your clam twice a day. Yeah. The old clove clam. Yeah, it would be some bullshit that's just there to cover the stink of smelly cloves.

Dr. McPherson's clam juice. Yeah, so this is the best time in the world. This is the best time in the universe that there's ever been. In the future, it may get better, but it's never been as good as it is right now. For anything, really.

So I guess your back in time would be yesterday. There's probably some good stuff from the past. You would have been way easier to be a burglar in olden days. Or a serial killer. Any sort of nefarious activity. An entrepreneur, really, with a little bit of foreknowledge, of course. Really both ends of the spectrum, life was easier for.

I feel like there was a time when on a working salary you could have a house and a car and support a family of four. That time seems to be gone. But air conditioning and and and and nice pussy is come on it's it's it's up here it's above the and there would have been no trimming no no it would have just been like a gnarled bramble yeah thick those kind of hair

are you describing an entire nation full of happy trails? I might need to rethink this. I imagine the hair from each lip intertwining together and interlocking with some crust in the middle. And so it's just like pulling the hairs or like locked together. Oh, like when you have the flu and you wake up and your eyes are stuck together? Yeah, you have a pink eye. You have a pink eye, you know how gross it is and you're like pulling it out of your eyelashes. Yeah, it's disgusting. I don't have- I never had pink eye because I didn't shit on my hand and then rub my eye. So no, I never had pink eye. Well, there's other ways to get it. You don't- you don't just have to like-

Go on. I didn't rub eyes with someone who rubs shit in their eye. Look, you ever get food poisoning? I don't think it's because you took some shit from your ass and ate it. It's because you ate some contaminated food. Well then how else did you get pink eye? You can get it by sliding your hand on the handrail at Disney World. Because somebody else put shit on it.

Someone else put shit there. So, all I'm saying is there's other ways of getting shit in your eye than putting your own shit in your eye. That's all I'm saying. That's true. There are shit terrorists out there who just don't wash their hands. They're just walking around with shit on both hands.

Have you ever gone to an interactive museum? Like those ones where it's like, oh, go up and build the statue. And then look in the eye thing at traffic. It's like that's just asking for it. Because there's like two-year-olds just like rubbing their ass and then. Scratching their butt the whole time. Yeah, let me see what this is. Like at these events, I must shake, you a hundred a hundred hands i would say you know a

day between like the kid and then maybe his parents and and just random people who just happen to be there like the staff and stuff maybe a hundred hands i'm shaking so i that morning when i shit i put a little on my hands and i rub it in real good. That's nice. I like that Defense because they got us fucking sick last I got my empty coli brand on my hands that way if they got any of shit On their hands my shit will fight it off You can eat your own poop and it won't make you sick But if you eat somebody else's poop you could get very sick so I like the taste of their own recipe that was on the discovery channel i saw it yeah what i am our girls taught me that it gives you protein well unless you have to then eat your own no if you had even if you don't have

to if you just kind of want to you know maybe there's you know some old sushi that's been left out and you got to pick between the two no okay I got one last question as far as we can Woody you always say everyone gets a second a chance apart from you this is if people don't know this is regards to like a cheating spouse but I was thinking what is the final straw for you to actually call off your marriage a kiss or sex would a kiss leave you with a mental scar would you be injured I would be interested to hear everyone else's boundaries kiss definitely like that if those are the two options then yep that's it had this talk with Kyle kind of the other day yeah yeah I think I

think um I think a kiss it's pretty serious I could deal with that though yeah yeah kiss it depends on the scenario but I would be very unhappy I think a kiss is pretty serious. I could deal with that, though. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, kiss. It depends on the scenario, but I would be very unhappy about it. A kiss is more intimate. You know, you got to hear her side of the story, too, you know? Like, I need to know. Really? What's her defense?

Yeah, really. It matters. I need to know how this happened. Like, exactly how did we get to here? With the only option being he had a gun to my head, what is the other viable response she has where you're okay? You know, I don't know. We were drinking, and he told me he had cancer, and one thing led to another, and we've been friends for three years. I don't know.

I think mine is more probable than yours. It's not about probable, though. Yeah, it's about what your boundaries were. Like making some shit happen. By the way, there's an apocalypse blade right here if anyone wants it. It's marked way down It's green so all the hunters can see you at night. Half price marked from 33 to 17 dollars United Apocalypse Buoy with sheath. Oh from the list price. Well, thank God I saw that I'm thinking about getting it. Yeah, it's normally 17 bucks Kyle. Normally 33 is what it says. It's not. You don't go by the list price.

Don't ever say that. Okay, so for Kyle, unless someone is knocking on death's door, he's going to say a hard no. I'm saying no to any kind of real, intimate, physical, heavy petting, kissing, sex,

anything like that, like feeling up. No. like feeling up no yeah no no it's hard for me so so if i was taylor i'd have the exact same answer you know what you hook up with some guy you know beat your feet bitch beat your feet bitch bitch go down sand asshole in my scenario like you're literally like changing your finances you're not living with your children anymore like your whole world is turned upside down right jackie and i have been together for like 22 years now do i really throw it away over a kiss i really might it's a gateway drug to cheating. That's true. It's just that if I was dating, like I said, beat your feet. But if I'm serious, and the other thing is I know me.

I wouldn't deal with it well, right? Like every time she fucking picked up the kids at parkour, I'd be wondering, you know, like, do I fully trust her alone? Heaven forbid she go to like travel and visit her family or something where she's really unsupervised. She's already a proven cheater. I would never. I would imagine I would punish her in some way for a long time. Would you ever get physical? Would you give her a slap no but like like in the stomach then so the shunning shunning i could see myself being

addicted with phone books with that is my justification i've heard that with that is my justification you know for longer than i should right orange in a sock an orange in a sock no um yeah i it's it would be a scar on the marriage and oh no scars that's the best part so but yeah i know what you're saying that it is different when you have children and a whole life together so anything so anything past what if you made her wear a chastity belt that right that's why that's where the whole everyone gets a second chance but you thing, right? Like Matt Max. If you're like me, like Dan was, right?

Dan had four daughters. He had a wife, et cetera. And he would have taken his wife back if she played her cards even remotely right. He was the one trying to patch this thing up. And in my head, I was like, well, I wouldn't patch it up with Jackie, but if you want to, you know, I could see that. Cause I can understand what you're giving up by not doing it. Um, but, uh, but yeah, so a kiss, I bet if it was a kiss, I'd give it a go, but I'm not sure it'd work out. I don't think I could

take it. All right. What if it was just like not a romantic kiss? What if... I'm trying to think. If it's not a romantic kiss then it's not even a problem. When we visit our friends in New Jersey like the Italian ones I was thinking. I'm trying to think of an inappropriateness that is like borderline.

A butt squeeze and a right kiss. No, because that's intent. What if she were just hanging out in a hot tub with a guy is it her dad or brother no no absolutely no all right here's the scenario you're on vacation um for whatever reason you're not you're kind of gone your separate ways you're in a hotel he has a head resort can't go or whatever and jackie's like i'm gonna go down by the pool and you're like well i'm gonna take a nap and when you come downstairs she's in a hot tub with another individual they're sort of sitting across from each other having a conversation are they laughing it's night time and and yeah and it's night time yeah they're laughing and they're having drinks if they're sitting across from

each other then you know i guess i just i think i'd talk that out if they're sitting across from each other, then, you know, I guess I just, I think I'd talk that out. If they're sitting on the same side, arm around their shoulder, something like that, now we have a major problem. Now we have. It's drowning. Now I show my aqua supremacy. Hold your breath. Let's go down and find out. I told you, Brad.

Let's go down and find out. But yeah, I think that's actually even happened. She's literally been at Disney World or Disney Cruise on the opposite side of a hot tub or something. And just whatever. She was watching my kids at the kiddie pool. He's watching his kids at the kiddie pool. And whatever. That'll happen, I guess.

I was on the plane and there was a lady who actually reminded me a lot of Jackie. She looked very similar to her. She sat right behind me and then all of a sudden I hear a man's voice talking to her. He says, I just wanted to say, I hope it's not too forward I really appreciate your smile it's very beautiful and she says well thank you or whatever he's like I hope I just wanted to ask I assume you're married correct and she said yeah he's like well how long have you been married she's like quite a while and he's like well I just i only bring it up because there's

this scripture that talks about how a woman who's loved you'll be able to see it on her face and and i just feel that with you i i see that i see that you are loved and i can see it in the smile on your face and i just wanted to tell you that and then he gets up and he goes to his seat and i just kind of turn around and i'm just like I look at her and she's like what the fuck and I'm just like I don't know that was crazy and so like an hour later the stewardess walk is walking by this same gentleman and he stops and he goes are you close with your father yeah opening line yeah me and dad are close he's my best friend I could tell he's like there's a

scripture to talk about closer father and when they have that bond it's a very special thing it's a very special thing hey I'm just like what is this guy is guys really like this a bad he's not any he hit nor or I can't tell it was like he's hitting on anything 35 to 50 and just what going after it like like like he was I wanted to follow him around and see if like he was going to eat to like the kiosk to the sandwich like hi there see you but way about 150 pounds. There's a scripture about a woman who loves to eat food is a woman who is loved. And I can tell you're loved or you're not.

You're not. Well, my name is... I feel like it's that close to introducing himself into the picture. If any of these women weren't close to their dad or weren't married, it was weird. Did you have a big shit this morning? He was like a psychic. If you have regular bowel movements. There's a scripture about people who eat a lot of fiber.

I noticed he was really eyeing up these children later. Not even exaggerating. The boy who was walking by him when they were unloading, it was a 13-year-old boy. I just noticed this guy's eyes were up and down the kid, up and down the kid for a long time. And maybe he was just curious about what this kid looks like because they were so close to each other. But I wasn't eyeing that kid up and down. However, every time Hot Stewardess went by, that's how my eyes are going when the Hot Stewardess goes by.

So I'm just like, this is the weirdest motherfucker I've ever met. I wanted to follow him and study him more, but I couldn't. We departed. He went on to Florida. Yeah, he's in Panama right now if anybody's looking for him. He's about 5'11", short, gray hair. I can't. These seem like bad lines.

The scripture thing I feel like is a whore turn off. And he's clearly looking for whores, right? I don't know what was going on there. I think he was just a weird old dude. I think he's just a guy who did a lot of fake... Psychic stuff. Because that's what he's doing. He's just reading people.

If he could get two accurate ones, he's just reading people. I don't know what his thing was. But I just thought he was silly. Or he's a reading people I don't know what it was but I was just I just thought he was a really good guesser hmm I was so glad when I finally got home that was uh I was ready to come home I really enjoyed our trip I actually enjoyed all the food we ate too even though we usually like it was like that meal at IHOP I thought was really fucking good. Yeah, I was happy with that, too. The sirloin tips in particular, they worked out well.

I'm just kidding. Mm-hmm. I had full breakfast because I like pancakes. It's a good trip, though. It's a good trip. I just, I kind of wish I wasn't shot in the head. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that soured the whole thing for you.

I'm sorry about that. Well, next time, you know, when we're doing soured the whole thing for you. I'm sorry about that. Well next time you know, we're not me Make sure if we do bumper cars that we don't kill you You know like they're not bumper cars at all. They're go-karts You know I want a place that does both because you if you could bump in those things, I'd have taken fucking first. Frankie's Funhouse by me, which is not the place we'd go to, but they have a slidey course, and that's really interesting. You're almost supposed to take corners, I don't know, Tokyo Drift style, and it's kind of cool. Drifting cars.

I hope the fans come up with some interesting ideas for stuff. Real ideas, not Shark Attack. Yeah, and once again, I see people get confused about this a lot. It can't be something that won't make sense because someone is going to have to host this event. And the paintball thing,

it's the owner's the paintball part. Of course, it's in their best interest to have PKA come do an adventure there because we bring all the business there. so they'll help us with our flights and stuff but if we're going to do something like if we're going to do something like i don't know people were what were some of the ones people threw out there that just there's just no way to make them work a movie pk goes to watch a movie like that's just silly i like i don't want to meet up with you guys to watch a fucking movie like like i do that every saturday night an event with no talking let's all go yeah yeah i want to

do something cool so um i want to do something where everybody's participating physically where like uh it's a it's a big group thing because like at paintball one of the cool things is we mix the teams up a lot so i'm constantly like hey how are you doing yeah kyle what's your name robbie well come on fucking robbie we're gonna shoot some people and like i'll i do that too first i take guys i lead him with me we play i'm so aggressive i often get out early and uh then the whole time i'm dead i'm sitting there hanging out with everyone else who's out yeah you know so it needs to be something like that airsoft actually does lend itself well this sort of thing i'd do that um uh the the whitewater rafting i think is a great idea i would love that i want legit rapids where like you have to be i don't want any 12 year old

children out there like like doing the rapids i know that that might preclude that might like get rid of some our fans but like i want them to be legit rapids i want like a rapiding adventure and the nice thing about that is it scales like we've come up with the idea of hockey before to me hockey is like 10 v 10 12 v 12 13 v 13 that's not big enough and you need i feel like hockey's a skill that like a lot of people don't have a lot of people couldn't participate ice skating alone is something like like i can't i mean i could ice skate across no no i there's no reason to even say it i can't ice skate. I mean, I could ice skate across. No, no. There's no reason to even say it. I can't ice skate. I have before, but not consistently or well. I couldn't play hockey.

There's just no way. No way. And I feel like a lot of people would be in the same shape. But something like bumper cars, I mean, as long as you're not handicapped. I keep saying bumper cars. Go-karts. Anybody could do a go-kart. Anybody could do the white water

rafting. It doesn't matter. I'd like to do stuff like that where we could get as many people involved. It needs to be in a population-dense area. New York, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Chicago. I don't know. Any of the big cities down in Texas. Philadelphia, New York, Dallas, Houston. You said Atlanta already. We've said I think Denver would be cool because there's a lot of whitewater rafting to be done in Colorado.

I think that's a springtime thing, though, because I don't know much about this shit. I want to say it's fall on the East Coast and spring on the West Coast, but I'm not sure. I don't want to do anything with real guns because it's just too dangerous. Yeah, Kyle and I were worried. We could actually die.

Yeah. People do. I, Kyle and I were worried. We could actually die. People do. That's immediately what I said with the camping. Yeah, Chris Kyle was going out with somebody who was kind of a fan, and that's the guy who killed him. Well, he had PTSD too, right? Yeah, I think so. That's no excuse. But I really want to do more fun stuff with people. And not die.

Those two, that'd be a good combo. Orgy in the Caribbean, maybe? We've mentioned bungee jumping. I'd be willing to do something crazy like that, but I really don't want to, if I'm being honest. I don't want to jump off anything. I don't think that's a good fan event either. It's a one-person, two-person-at-a-time activity.

It's just a big fucking line otherwise. A theme park. An obscure theme park in a metropolitan city type area. Not a franchise one. Unless you know somebody at marketing for Six Flags. Or Paramount or something like that. I think Cedar Point's too big.

But yeah. Because they're not a chain. Right. I'm trying to think. What else? Running of the Bulls, of course. That would be great. We could do a PKA rodeo where everybody rides bulls. That would be fun.

I'd rather see you run from some bulls. I'm just processing it. These are terrible ideas. These are horrific. You had to process that the running of the bulls was a terrible idea. It's much later here than it is over there. PKA goes fishing.

We could have a fishing trip. Oh, my God. PKA meets Survivor. Party boat. Where we literally put on like a Survivor-style reality show. Watch Woody get seasick. Yeah, spearfishing. Shark attack.

How about you just ruminate on some of these next week? Why do you have so many sea centric ideas when you said I hate the ocean like you have so many sea centric ideas well I mean I feel like the shark attack I'm only in the water for a minute you know I kill the shark and then I'm right back for life

you have so much confidence in your abilities and you're just going to get killed going to eat the shark that's not how it works. His level of, like, shark fighting is right there with me and electricity battling. Like, the skills aren't actually there. It's just a thing that exists in our head.

I jump on him, hook him with one hand, hit him with a shark dart with the other. No, you don't. You don't. Jump in the water. You're immediately taken aback because it's much colder than you anticipated. I got my suit on. You're doggy paddling screaming at me for help.

I got my suit on. You are 0 and 1 versus a turtle. You have a strong point. Nature versus Kyle in the sea, he is 0 and 1. I mean it was fresh water to be fair. Maybe you maybe a little more buoyant in the salt water but I don't think that's going to give you the edge to fucking murder a shark hand to hand we need to do an event in which Kyle and Chiz race in swimming oh god no absolutely not

I was so up for that last time and I was fucking swimming across that river Kyle was being pulled across the current a little bit when we were going past there when you guys jumped off the rock. What actually happened was like I looked up and found where I was going to swim to and then I was just head down for a while

and when I looked up I had swam to the wrong place and I was like fuck and I had and it was just like changing direction and swimming some more and I was getting tired. I would have swam in that water the whole time but it had these nasty tiny little black things that just littered everything. I don't know what have swam in that water the whole time, but it had these nasty, tiny little black things that just littered everything.

I don't know what the fuck was in that water. I shit in the water. That's what that was. No, I didn't see black things. They were all in the boat. I did throw that spider on you, though. That was the highlight of my day. That was not fun at all.

I really didn't appreciate that. I looked like a bitch running away from it. I was like... I grabbed a grand... I really was like, I feel like a bitch, but I really hate spiders right now. I grabbed one of those granddaddy long legs. It was so big. It was like a crazy long... It was a pretty big one. It was like this big. But I grabbed it, and I caught it in my hand like this, and I was like,

it's a brown recluse! And I start chasing Chiz with it and he's like ahhh and he's just like I'm running in sand like a retard and there are people watching right now and I'm just like I don't give a fuck about me I'm like a 12 year old kid so I don't give a fuck everybody's watching me chase another grown man around with a spider like I'm having a great time There are big spiders around there and at the cabin Uh huh I'm not a fan of spiders that was a good trip that's one of my favorite things to do at a trip i want to go back to that

cabin fucking simple pleasures simple pleasures we use that with tits i use a website whenever i'm going to be somewhere for more than a day or two at a time called VRVO. It's a vacation rentals by owner.com, I think. And you get properties like houses, cabins, condos, stuff like that at pretty cheap rates sometimes, like where you're going. And it's a lot nicer than a hotel room where you're wanting fresh towels. I think it's cheaper for three people also. Yeah, it's always cheaper when you're going to have like three, especially four or more people. And if you're ever going to do a thing where it's like three couples going somewhere,

then there's nothing better. Because instead of wasting your time on three hotel rooms, you can get like a six-bedroom fucking house for like $500 a night, which is much cheaper than the three hotel rooms in most cities. You can get nice, big mansions and houses. If you're doing an event or something like that, you can get like a $2 million house for a grand a night. Yeah.

Yeah, I really like that place. You're doing a big thing. Yeah, it's really cool. I love that website. Yeah. Kevin had a lot of rooms in a pool table. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great i

always do that like i oftentimes go up there for like a weekend with you know a date or something because you know it's cool to hang out usually got a hot tub and a pool table and you know a nice view we do not use that hot tub though i didn't i wasn't interested in that. The protein bath. Yeah, yeah. I never know who's been in there. I would have contributed. You would have contributed your own protein in there? A little Dr. Chiz spicy seed.

I liked that place because it was so close to my house. I almost felt bad because when we were doing all the planning, I didn't realize it was that close to my house. I really didn't. But it worked out super convenient, I thought, for me. I mean, I'm just being honest. In the future, I'd be happy to do this thing in, like, San Diego. And then, like, Chiz is just, like, riding the dirigible, you know, 20 minutes down to the south.

You'd still get there before me. What's a dirigible? Is that a Zeppelin, like? It's an airship. It's an airship, yeah. It's a Germanigible is that a zeppelin like it's an airship yeah it's a german one i think so yeah i'm happy to do anything anywhere globally i would happily go to australia and shoot kangaroos if you could find a way to make that event work like it is what would you really like to travel on let's say you're going halfway across the country uh-huh what would your preferred method of travel be all the choices are open a wagon train maybe or a

regular train a regular train with all the amenities and train i get it's like a suite i get so why would i not i mean it's that or like first class on what if it was closer what if it was an hour drive what would be your preferred oh then i'd drive i uh i don't mind driving uh long drive and i've driven 10 hours and stuff i'm better at sleeping long distances you're a pro i would hit those potholes so fucking hard good luck with that you could have done better in the movie theater i'm gonna be honest you could have done a little bar are Are we going to rat him out for that? I have photographic proof of you sleeping. The second night, I think, we were

in Chicago. We went to watch Ted 2. I watched Ted recently with my girlfriend. I'd seen it a few times. I saw it in theaters originally. I've seen Ted like three times. I enjoy Ted a lot. I didn't think Ted 2 was as good, but it was funny enough to keep me conscious.

I can't say the 2 was as good, but it was funny enough to keep me conscious. I can't say the same thing about Woody, although neither could the previews. Woody seemed to be unconscious right about the time I had my slurpee and sat down. In my defense, I did have a head injury. He did.

And in our defense, reflecting reflecting back I realized maybe we should have woken him up and kept him actively awake after that I told you to nudge him like I did I was like alright I'll let him sleep through the previews because people are judging him right now I'm like you just snort I can't let that pass for the people around. They're going to get pissed off and shit like that. But as soon as the movie started, I let him sleep through the fucking song and dance at the beginning too. Because I knew he wasn't going to enjoy it.

I don't remember his song and dance at the beginning. Was it live or animated? Live. It was live. But the bear was there too. Yeah. But that went on for like five minutes yeah it was like ballroom dancing where they're like switching partners and throwing the women

in the air and catching them but it's all like they were in like a a diamond pattern like everybody's perfectly synchronized and there's uh like big band music playing to it it was like it's like an orchestra performance it was pretty crazy but that happened for five minutes and then i'm like yeah it went on for a while here comes the movie and i need you into your knee i was like movie starting i just figured you were really tired so and you didn't like the movie very much that's what it was both nights for whatever reason in the hotel i saw every hour like i don't know if that's ever happened to you but were you like you look at the alarm clock and you have seen something in the ones twos threes fours fives um that was how i was sleeping i slept so good the first i was so beat from from just running all day i slept really well oh the first i was counting

friday on friday i didn't fall asleep until like 3 30 in the morning no i fell asleep at midnight i got my sleep in yeah i knew it was gonna be a big day i mean i knew it was too but i remember that on friday like i like i saturday i did a vlog like a day in the life and i remember i said it in there like i've seen every hour it's a bit of a mess yeah that sucks some um i didn't particularly like our pillows they they were really really shitty the ac would never get cool enough cold enough i was sleeping naked under like one sheet just trying to keep from waking up all night. So was I, but it was 65 fucking degrees. You lost the AC lottery because

whatever I had mine on at one point, it was too cold. I woke up shivering. I'm like, I've overdone this and I had to raise it. I was cold, but I wrap up in a cocoon, alright? That's what the covers are for. I ain't flipping that dial up, alright? It stays 65. I get to abuse the fucking system because I ain't flipping that dial up, alright? It stays 65. Playing AC chicken. I get to

abuse the fucking system because I don't get to do that at home, you know? That's when people pay the bills, but the hotel covers that bill, so. But yeah, I'm gonna call that PKA trip a complete success. Very well. Lots of fan interaction, lots of fans

in general. I think everybody had a good time. When I furrow my brow, both sides furrow now. Ooh. Ah, sweet. You're almost a normal person. I'm symmetrical again. I wouldn't go that far. I'm more symmetrical.

If you were symmetrical, you'd have horns. Right now, it's kind of like an offset unicorn. Like, you hit the unicorn lottery. Well, you'll have your headband on next time i guarantee it yeah i think i'm gonna get hk said they'd send me one yeah i like those guys i do too they're really nice guys um i got some video of me shooting uh uh the main guy mr h mark mr yeah yeah i shoot him point blank out a window it's it's i was going through the footage last night yeah really nice guys they're very nice guys. They're entrepreneurs,

which we always appreciate. They started out making headbands, and they sort of introduced like a surfer culture into the paintball thing. They're like the new school paintballers versus the old school white dudes with mustaches in the woods playing capture the flag. It's kind of a cool radical version of paintball everything's bright colors and fun and they started with his headbands went to t-shirts now they got their own hopper you know all really every product except for a gun how old do you think he is 32 maybe yeah that sounds about right so four years ago he was like there were no real good job prospects for him he was living in his parents garage i think dude they're ancient they were just a cool click and clan everybody knew about back on like forms and stuff they're like 10 plus

years old and they just okay you mean yeah yeah yeah but um so before years and then he just sort of started this business first it was headbands then well i don't i don't know the product order but it extended to like jerseys and pants and now they make um visors which is to me like a pretty sophisticated manufacturing thing there's like a bunch of different materials there's government approvals there's all this stuff like he really is like oh yeah they make masks they make a paintball mask yeah why don't i just call it a face thing visor a visor okay yeah so they make a paintball mask which is different materials and like coatings and this and that.

I like it a lot. Yes, I also think it's a good mask. Yeah, it looks cool and it's slightly bigger than the one I have now, which would have been super helpful. Yeah, we use the Dye I4s generally. I think they're the most common, really. They're the most common cool kid mask. But these, the HK Army mask, I like it because it's a little different than what everyone else has,

but it's just as good quality as the dye, I think. It's just as good looking. If not better, I prefer it because it's more unique. I don't like always having the same shit as everybody. That's why I like my dye. Damn, I don't see too many of those out there. I think I saw two. They have a hopper that they make.

And, you know, I just, like, while a hopper is not like a car in terms of manufacturing complexity they're getting it like it's tough there's a lot of parts lots of moving parts a lot of things that are happening electronics you know because it's literally like seeing eyes and lasers that break a stream or something and um it's it's really neat so like i don't know i made sure i got him in my phone so the next time i have a million dollar idea that i have no idea how to make i have a mentor yeah so that's all right you want to call the show there i can do that.com slash pka get a mattress today

all right uh that was pka thanks guys