Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #242

Episode Date: August 13, 2015

This week on PKA, the CEO of Dollar Shave Club joins the show for a couple hours for a good time, some interview questions and the guys cover "Am I an Asshole" segments with him, Kyle's anti-aging regiment is covered and Taylor's classmate was shived at a young age.

And we're live, Painkiller Ready episode 242 with our guest Mike, the CEO of Dollar Shave Club. And this episode of Painkiller Ready is being brought to you, of course, by Dollar Shave Club. Shave time, shave money, Dollar Shave Club. What? We're paying for the ads and we're the editorial content? Yeah, I really feel like... It's not a conflict. I gotta say, I feel like Chiz hit it out of the park this week, right? Like, we get a guest, and we get paid, and it's all coming up PKA.

Yeah, yeah. We're a big fan of the way you advertise. I think that's our favorite thing about everything that you guys do. The ratings are great. We really like the one-wipe Charlies. We've talked about them a lot, but just the whole way you go about advertising is what we like, I think. You know, that was the first question. We did some brainstorming on questions so that we weren't just blank when you got here.

You're advertising. So was that planned? Did you go into it like, you know what, we're going to be like the quirky shave company? Or is there no other way you would do it? No, that's kind of my own personal style. And I wanted to use humor in the ads because people remember when you do it. So that was the best way to do it. Yeah, yeah.

It totally worked out. I knew about you guys long before you started working with us. Yeah, it's a commercial that you want to watch. It's funny. Yeah, it gets passed. It goes viral. It does a big thing, man. It worked out pretty cool.

You've seen the new ones, right? The ones that we started, I guess they're not that new. We started running them last November. Yeah, then I have seen it. I was like, I guess it depends on new, but yeah. The ones with the ones in the drugstore. Yeah, yeah. So what's hard about running Dollar Shave Club?

Staffing, supply chain? What's the tough part? Yeah, um yeah well gosh what isn't hard i mean it's all really fun but i would say that the the hardest part really of running there's two things that come to mind first one is finding the right people you know uh i started the company in my apartment and you know i'm good at a few things but nobody's good at everything and you have to find people that can compliment your weaknesses and those people are off doing other things, living their lives, working for other great companies and you have to really work hard to lure them away from other places so that you can build your organization and that's really hard. Especially, I mean, the bigger you get, it gets a little bit easier because you're a higher profile

company and people are excited about what you're doing and they've seen the commercials and you're a real company, you're not a startup anymore. But then once you get them and you get them inside the organization, scaling the organization is tricky. And by scaling the organization, I mean making sure that everybody's working well together, they have the right resources that they need to succeed, and that everybody's really motivated. And that's hard. So my job has shifted enormously. I used to be doing one set of things when we were of one

stage. And now that we're of another, I'm forced to do a whole bunch of different things that I frankly have never done before. So that's hard. Yeah. I was going to ask that. What'd you do before Dollar Shave Club? Do you have some prior experience that prepped you for this? I was in advertising. I was in media marketing. My first job out of school, I was a page at NBC, so I was giving tours of the studios and then working many jobs in different departments. That was super fun. Then I went into the marketing side of the business. At Time Inc., I worked at sportsillustrated.com and life.com.

That's where I kind of cut my teeth on digital and then went over to a small agency doing client services, doing some creative work. So, you know, creative media marketing, however you put that together. Huh. Yeah, and is it… I wanted to kind of know… I hadn't. …the podcasts that I listen to, they're all promoting Dollar Shave Club. Like, you're the first product that I noticed every podcast was promoting. Is there a reason or you kind of jumped into that before everybody else?

Well, we're certainly not the first company to advertise using podcasts. I think that what podcasts really bring is an intimacy that a lot of other forms of media don't bring as easily. It's just something that feels very personal about it. It's measurable too. I don't know. Hey, wait a second. Are you doing an ad for podcast advertising now? No. It's measurable too. We can get you all the steps. No. I think about it. Actually, it comes from this. So I've been making YouTube content for five years now, something like that.

And I used to look with Envy at the rates that would be charged in print. And I think, man, these guys charge a bundle. And no one even knows if it works. There's an expectation that they click on a link in video and go buy. And they measure those conversion rates. But with something like print all they expect is an impression you know put a little thing in your head so the next time someone buying something they uh you know they think of you that you're on their list of candidates and

they're like man how easy would it be to live in print or maybe it's hard because they're dying so the message is buy podcast advertising oh goodness that wasn't my but you know what if that's your take it should have been and that's fine um so dollar shave club you guys focused on profits growth somewhere in between now we're not focused on profits that's that's um businesses that are focused on profits are are wasting their time no i'm just kidding um kidding. I was like, where is this going at some point? We're focused right now on building a big business profitably, of course. You know, our goal, our mission really is to, you know, help guys live a smarter, more successful life by helping them with their grooming. And that means a lot of different things. So if you ask, you know, most guys how they feel about their grooming now versus five years ago, they're a lot more willing to talk about what they're doing to their hair,

what they're putting on their face, what they're putting on their body. And five years ago, you would have been called a metrosexual for doing those things or caring about those things. And metrosexual, the implication was that you were somehow feminine if you cared about this stuff. And there's been a shift in consumer attitudes over the last few years. Some of it's technologically driven. Some of it's just kind of culturally driven.

We're just more comfortable talking about this stuff. And we recognize the connection between this stuff, you know, your hair looking good and how confident you are, how good you smell and how confident you are and confidence relates to success. But the problem that guys are having when they're buying these products, well, there's many. First, a lot of guys don't know what they need. They don't know what they want. And just take hairstyling for a second. If you do know the kind of hairstyle that you're looking for, and you're trying to find the right product, how are you going to find it?

Well, you're either getting a recommendation from a friend whose hair is nothing like yours. I'm looking at all your hair. You all have different hair. Your friend's hair is nothing like yours. And maybe you're getting a recommendation from a barber. Your barber's got a limited selection probably. Or you're trying to figure this stuff out in store, and that's a pain in the ass because all the stuff on the shelf kind of looks the same. They all use the same esoteric language to describe it.

And it's very frustrating, and guys like to get things done really, really quickly. So what we try to do is make that as easy as possible, and we're right at the beginning of this journey. So how that comes to life in things like ha styling creams, if you go to our website and you look at our storefront, you'll see the sub-brand there for hair is called Boogie's, which we've got a gel, a pomade, a clay, a cream and a paste. You can take a little tool, you can take a little quiz that's really fun that helps you pick the product that's right for you and then we guarantee it. If you don't like it, we'll send you the next best thing. And our members really appreciate that and they trust us. And that's why we've become so successful.

We have over 2.1 million members in Dollar Shave Club that are getting a shipment from us every month or every other month of something. I feel like I should have already known you sold hair stuff, but it's new to me. So that ties into one of my questions. How do you figure out what's next? Like I remember when Amazon first started, this is like in the 90s when they were first growing, they were looking at what worked well to sell online. Turns out almost anything. But as you know, they started with books and then they went into, I think some electronics and they kind of stayed away from clothes for a while. Clothes are a little tougher. You know, they started with books and then they went into, I think, some electronics and they kind of stayed away from clothes for a while. Clothes are a little tougher.

You know, people want to try them on and see what fits. How do you figure out what's next? You know, we ask our members and then we make it, frankly. You know, guys want certain products for certain needs that they have. Sometimes they address a specific problem like raise the bumps and burns. So we'll make a serum. So we have a post-shave serum that has been very well received and that's an advantage that we have over some of our CPG competitors which don't have that direct connection.

They can't ask what the guys want in less than a second and get a response from them. You seem guy focused. Is that intentional? Yeah, right now, not to say that there's not a huge opportunity in women's because there is, but to be able to cover off what women need in the bathroom, you need a lot more products than just kind of like a handful. If you think about what guys need and use every day, it's like toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, razor, blades, cream, post-shave, maybe some hairstyling stuff, maybe hopefully you shower.

Women, it's makeup, it's foundation. I was at Walmart today. Not everyone does. You set the bar a little high. Yeah. But look, maybe at some point there's an opportunity for us for women but right now we're our focus on men notice that other or maybe

not a lot but other razor companies are starting to move to that I saw like a Gillette Club commercial the other day and so a Bic commercial it might have been two maybe just one but yeah well you know, look, there's a zillion places to get razors on the internet.

We're not the first. We won't be the last. And we're really on to something. Yeah, definitely so. I like the way it's set up because it's one of those things that you forget to buy and you always need. There's never a time where I'm like, ah, I don't need razors this month. It's like every month you need razors. It's perfect.

Yeah, and what we found is that guys really love the convenience. It just shows up when you run out naturally and you're ready to go. Yeah, that convenience is a big – I love Dollar Shave Club. I love Amazon too. It's gotten to the point – I've said this a million times. If I need a battery, I just order it on Amazon and wait two days because it's probably going to get here sooner than me going to the drugstore. I'm going to get some of those Amazon buttons.

What do they call those? That might be a neat idea for Dollar Shave Club too. They have these convenience buttons. Have you seen them? On Amazon? Yeah. I'm not quite sure. Do you want to do it? No, no, no. Go ahead. So here's how it works. Next to your washing machine, there'll be a little button. I think it works on Wi-Fi. Oh, yeah. And when you run out of detergent or something like that,

you hit the button and it reorders for you. And some people detested the idea, but I was like, I need a button for everything. I need a button for my detergent, for my milk. I need a button for my brick of batteries that I keep around. This should just be a... That's going to lead to a lot of overspending which is what they want and also commercial could be like an alcoholic laying on the couch just hitting it slamming until the pieces fly everywhere they have a drone with a bottle of jack fly by drop it that's the future that's what

that's what i need i'm waiting on that to happen. Come on. Don't you kind of feel like an ass if you have a milk button? Like, spend three minutes outside. Woody has a milk man, so I don't know if he can feel any worse. Yeah, I think the right point is, like, you know, you don't want a house filled with buttons. Yes. I want a few buttons, though.

You may not want a house filled with buttons. I think it should be a standard part of packaging. I'm in 2020, baby. Like, all these things like all these things the washing machine should have a button like it should just be on the washing machine and they should press it and they should just show up if they can get the cost of buttons down to the cost of cardboard then you know every time i run out of like uh paper towels the packaging has a button on it you press it you throw it away and you know it'll come back boom if i ever went to your house three days after i left you would get full of colgate and a bunch of stuff that you didn't need just in there

i would do that too i feel like if i saw a button in someone's house i'd fuck with them just pound it a few times and just walk away like i didn't do anything you people are horrible friends yeah you blame your kids it's a lot kids. It's a lot of risk. There's a lot of risk in those buttons. I wonder how they work. Like what if your buttons were juice or something or Chiz was saying Gatorade. Like if I hit it twice will they bring me two six-packs of Gatorade? What if I want orange or what if I want blueberry? Like how do I do that with a button? Seems like there could be an email confirmation if they detect something silly. do I do that with a button? Seems like there could be an email confirmation

if they detect something silly. If there's going to be an email confirmation, why am I not just ordering it with Amazon? The email confirmation is for double, triple, and quadruple orders. That's like all my orders. All right. Back to Dollar Shave Club. So what's the plan here?

Are you looking to be the next Kimberly Clark, like gigantic mega company filling all of my grooming needs? That's not a bad way of putting it. I think that we want to be the easiest place that guys get the things they use every day in their bathroom. That's probably the best way to say it. All right. Any more wiping products on the line other than the One Wipe Charlies?

Oh boy, I'll have to consider. I don't, not this year. Alright. Oh, have you, so my observation was the One Wipe Charlies were much more like durable, like closer to fabric than paper almost. Have you gotten any feedback on how they work with the municipal cleaning systems? The sewer sewage and stuff like that? You know, look, these meet the standards for flushability.

I think ultimately if you have a septic tank, it's probably not the best idea for you to use them. Or flush them. Right, yeah. You can just keep a basket there full of shitty one-wipe Charlies if you're really dedicated to the product like I do. That's what I do.

I've got a safety tank. I can't flush my one-wipe Charlies, so I've just got a bucket there full of shitty one-wipe Charlies. That's how I roll. Outside the U.S., I'm not aware. Whenever I go to a third world country like Dominican Republic or Nicaragua or whatever, that's just

the standard. I joke about that. Robin Quivers, you know, Howard Stern's sidekick, that's literally what she does. A maid comes in and cleans up her shitty towels out of a bucket. That's a thing that happens in her life every day. She just crams her own shitty towels

into a bucket and makes someone else take care of it? Yeah. She can't flush the wipes she uses or care of it. Yeah. That's awful. It's awful. She can't flush the wipes she uses or something like that. Yeah. As an American, this sounds crazy, but like it's not crazy everywhere. There are some countries where they like wipe with their hands and they shake hands. Well, they use their left hand, though.

That's that's the thing. That's that's totally sterile because you never touch your hands together. Dude, I always worried that I was going to be judged. Like I said, if I go out of the country or something, I'm like, are they going to look at my shit stains and evaluate my health or diet or something? What? They're cleaning the...

All right, so what you're describing is in other countries, you wipe your ass and then put the poo-covered towel in a bucket, and you're worried that others will come along investigate your and deduce that there's something wrong with you and then have the like balls to come to you uh mr woodworth i was looking at your shitty towel i believe it was yours the brett that you that in it. Is that you? That's my fear. Yeah, that they're going to be like, yeah. Is that ever going to happen? Is there something about your wiping that I need to know about? Are there long, bloody streaks?

Like, what's going on here? I mean, it seemed pretty normal to me. But, like, you know, I haven't really investigated a lot of other people's toilet paper. So, you know, like, I don't really know what the standard is. And, like I said, someone else is cleaning up. So I would always like – I become a folder. Like in real life, I'm kind of a mix. But when I travel abroad, I'm always a folder.

And then I close it and throw it away for privacy. Okay. I go a step further. I put a little piece of scotch tape after I fold it. Some people are persistent, right? They're trying to look for – they really want to judge you. And they'll fold it up so that nobody, you know, they might, some people are persistent, right? They're trying to look, they really want to judge you. And they'll, they'll, they'll open it up and get a good look, you know, with that entirely. So I like to tape it up and I'll usually come back later to see if anybody's messed with

it. I dig through. A decoy folded ones with nothing in there so that they get. I've done that before. You've done none of this um back to mike uh what did i have oh this is what i wanted to know so what sequence of events in your life has led to where you are now like this is somewhere along the way you you decided that you were actually capable of being ceo of dollarave Club. How'd that happen? I don't think anybody sets out saying that they want to be a CEO. I think entrepreneurs have great ideas and they pursue them and ultimately they end up as the CEO and that's

you know, that's sort of what happened with me. You know, I saw a great opportunity. I went after it. Are you vaping on the air right now, bro? I am. He's not getting high, if that's what you're thinking. No, no. I'm very excited to see you vaping. It's very relaxing to watch you vape. I don't approve. That stuff's just as bad as the cigarettes, man. Yeah, but not until, like, evidence comes out.

Thank you, Mike! If lung cancer happens in the woods and no one's going to study it and publish it. Hey, like those Eagle Energy power sticks because there's nothing wrong with them, folks. Nothing wrong with them at all. There has to be. You know, I looked into it.

I tried to convince these people and I couldn't find any proof or evidence that it's actually bad for you. But I think, anyone who's old enough... You saw me hitting those... Look, if there was something wrong with those things, then I would have died last week. You were sweating, your forehead got clammy, and you started wobbling, and you said that it was a high. How can that be good for you? Rethink with it, basically. Yeah, so we work with this company that makes these energy sticks, and they're basically like,

you know, they're vaporizers, but they're individual ones, like little ones. And it's like caffeine, taurine, and what's the other one? Guarine? So it's like an energy mix instead of nicotine or flavors

really because it doesn't have a great flavor if I'm being honest see if you get sweaty so I got 10 of these things and I figured the serving size is 10 puffs 10 to 20 so I figured I could get 10 every puff like this and just how is this

yeah right that is terribly sad it's like a cup of coffee every time uh every time you hit it so it's it's i could feel it hitting me already it's just a real rush of energy oh i'm sure that i don't want to put down a sponsor i would never they're wonderful taylor you'll be getting yours soon but Mike back on the sequence of events like so I've talked on my show before about how everybody has great ideas right it's just in my argument is that these ideas are worthless unless you take action on them I'll go a step further and say it doesn't even take a great idea there are plenty of people out there doing

fabulously that own like I don know, 35 trucks for an electrical company that like electricians or plumbers or car washes or whatever. And those aren't even, in my opinion, like brilliant or original ideas. They're just well executed. So how did you become the guy that actually did something with this idea? I mean, it must have taken some capital to start. That can be a barrier. Yep. You know, ultimately, if you want to, if you want to grow a business, you have to invest in it. And either you got to make that money, you got to invest yourself, or you have to find a third party to write you a check. I did both. I started the company myself, I bootstrapped it, put, you know, $15,000 of my own money into it to get to a place where you know I could I could show it to other people in a

respectable way and and have them get excited about the idea and ultimately write a check so that was that was back in 2011 that we got our first round of funding sorry early 2012 we got our first round of funding. Sorry, early 2012, we got our first round of funding. And yeah, that was that enabled us to get, you know, prove the concept and, and grow from there. What would you do differently? You think you'd be better at getting funding? I mean, you must have learned a lot in the process. Would you change your pitch? Would you not do funding? Yeah, I mean, I don't think there's too much I would change just because things have gone well in that area, which is not to say we haven't made tons and tons of mistakes along the way. I'd have to think about what the biggest ones were, but yeah, tons.

Yeah, I have a question about that. It just kind of occurred to me. Since you do have this sort of wide array of products and I like them all they each seem to be like fit it's their niche like each of them is a real requirement in my life and having them show up on time like this is great but like were there any products that didn't work that you thought everybody would be interested in like the electric q-tip thing or something like that and it just didn't fly off the shelves well you know

what it's it's too early to really tell. I mean, we've only launched kind of eight products, eight or so products, and fortunately they've all succeeded. You know, we haven't quite gotten to the electric toothbrush country. There have been some bad ideas that we've certainly passed on, but so far we haven't had to take anything off the shelf i would like a toothbrush yeah i was like electric toothbrush isn't it doesn't jump out at me as a bad one it doesn't need to be electric i would just

it feels like i always let my toothbrush go too long if one that showed up every every 60 days like the ada recommends that'd be great. 60 days? I don't know. I'm making that shit up. These are PKA stats. Kyle's right. Mine do too. I almost like them because they get wider and bigger and then like suddenly that becomes my preference. Yeah, and they're not as, you know, you switch to the new

one and it's much more firm, you know. You get back to that, you know. It's no fun. You ever accidentally buy a firm toothbrush instead of soft I always get the firm toothbrush my gums are strong like bull that's horseshit got those pussy ass gums I bet it I bet if you floss the bloods going everywhere isn't it well no because I floss twice a day I've got the gums of a champion today you're not a dentist no one really does

that I lied to my dentist just like everybody else. I actually floss twice a day. Woody does floss twice a day. His gums are so tough. You could bite his gums and they wouldn't bleed. I've done it. I floss every... I keep it in my car.

Here, that's my access to dental floss, baby. It's no joke. I floss all the time. I can do it without a mirror, without looking. The dentist tries to floss, like the hygienist, and it's like baby like I swear I feel like I got over for it. You're like shit. It's done. I've got more experience than she does you know Pam Pam there's shit flying yeah, like it's true like they go in there I'm spitting now, and it was like I like to get past the tight teeth

I'm like you gotta saw that shit in baby, and she was like that does get past the tight teeth. I'm like, you got to saw that shit in, baby. And she was like, that does work. Good tip. Yeah, good tip. Are you telling me you taught a dental assistant how to floss? I swear to God, this is a true story. She was polite. She flosses people for a fucking living. She was having an issue.

And then when she switched to my technique, she said it was better and thanked me for the tip. If an 11-year-old showed you a sand castle tip you wouldn't be like that's bullshit that's an awful tip you'd be like oh wow thanks oh I hadn't thought to put water on it to keep it together like you know I like it in my bubble why you go popping what's wrong with you um all right if you had advice to give someone who was on the fence about pursuing a business idea, what would you tell them? I would say don't listen to people that don't believe in your idea. Follow the course. And ultimately, you'll come to your own conclusion about whether or not it's a good idea.

But nobody thought Dollar Shave Club was a good idea before I actually launched it. And it is a good idea, and that's why we have a couple million members. And if I had listened to people that didn't think it was a good idea, I wouldn't be here. Woody didn't think Tilk was going to be a good idea. Until I really explained it to him, I showed where the profits were and all the volume we could do, and now Tilk is going to be a good idea. Until I really explained it to him. I showed where the profits were and all the volume we could do. And now Tilk is flourishing.

You weren't here for Tilk. I'll tell you later. Need a little enterprise of mine. I know it's a new company, but has there ever been a time where you just thought about folding it up and calling it quits? Is that your mic being loud?

Yeah, your mic's being weird. I thought it was Mike all this time, so I was being polite. But now that I know it's you, gloves are off. You know what? Someone asked me for life advice today, and I kind of want to get Mike involved. Are you down? I'm happy to give life advice. I'm not sure that I'm the best one to give it,

but I'm happy to try. All right. What advice did you get? So I got the question. It's three paragraphs long, so get comfortable. Hey, Woody, I've got a lot of questions here, so I'll try to make it short and get to the point. Failed.

I'm trying to get a grasp on the value of money in my life. Let me start by telling a little bit about myself. I'm 18 years old. I live in California. I'm trying to skip some of the details. I'll include it. I grew up in one of the wealthiest, the wealthiest county known as Hillsborough. I was young when my parents didn't speak about money and finances because it made them uncomfortable. His house was $1.8 million, etc., etc. Now, his parents are divorced. His mother works at a doctor's office, and it supports her and I without much help from his father. She makes around $14 an hour with decent benefits.

In this area, that is shit. Our current rent turns out to be a little more than she makes a month. She's probably only living here until I move away, but I deliver food and sometimes make up to $20 an hour if I'm busy. So here's the core of it. Now this is the issue. She's sending me to college at the University of Arizona for business school. We got some okay financial aid, but I see myself having 50 to 120,000 in student loans if I go there all four years. Will I be able to deal with that? I'm worried about my mom because she's breaking into her retirement savings to help send me to college.

Do you have any input on how I should plan my savings? It sounds like you handled all your issues at a young age independent of your father because you work hard. Do you have any advice on how I should start out my life if I want to be a man just like you? A little more complimentary than I remembered it. But, yeah, so he thinks he's going to have $50,000 to $120,000 in student loans if he goes to this school for four years. His mother's dipping into retirement savings. He's in a tough spot.

Thoughts, gang? Did he say what he wants to do with his life? Only that it was business school. Like after that? No. Did he say what he wants to do after that? No. That would help. He's also 18, so I wouldn't... I personally wouldn't weigh it.

The first question you've got to ask yourself at this stage of the game is do you need to go to a four-year traditional college or do you need to go to a four-year traditional college or do you need to go to business school? You might not need to. Did you? What's your background?

I did. I did. But I'm not going to say it was a waste of time, but I will say that I remember one fact from college, and that's that a Japanese feudal lord is called a daimyo. Other than that, I didn't pick up anything useful. And that was my own fault partially. What was your major?

History. I wish I had taken a gap year, frankly. I wish I had taken a gap year and learned a little bit more about myself and what I wanted to do. I might have gotten a bit more out of college. But to just graduate college with $150,000 worth you know might not be worth it you gotta ask yourself yeah so there's cheaper ways to school to school that wait yeah that seemed like an expensive business school murka i see you talking i don't hear you at all can you test it again i hear you go on yeah well first tip is he needs to go to an in-state school

unless he's going to like a specialist university something really specific there's no reason to I hear you. Go on. Yeah. Well, first tip is he needs to go to an in-state school. Unless he's going to, like, a specialist university, something really specific, there's no reason to go out of state, go in-state, get it cheaper, or go to a community college for two years, save a bit of money, and then go to that college for the last two years to round it out. But, yeah, there's no reason living in California to go to Arizona. What was it, University of Arizona? It's a fine school, but it's not like, oh, my God, the University of Arizona Business School? That's where Megyn Kelly went.

Taylor, can we try something? If you look at your interface, can you turn up the gain on it? Pretty high already. Better? Better? That is better. That is better. Let's try that for a while all right um but yeah just two years of community college then move on from there but yeah no reason to have 150k in debt that's like a life especially since it's going into your mother's uh savings you know that's that's that seems like it really compounds the thing i i've had more time to think about this so the numbers he's saying is between 50 and 120 000 in student loans and that's a ton that that that could haunt him until he's 40 or something and well i think the reason it's 50 to 120 is he's thinking about taking 70 grand from his mom yes that that could be and there's another thing too like there are no retirement

scholarships right like no one's gonna give his mom a retirement he's it'll guess what honey i got the best letter from bingo that shit doesn't happen no she could be signing up to work until she's dead and that's a pretty rough end of life for anybody right like you know entering like trying to stay relevant in a workforce when her skills are outdated and her you know mental acuity is faded and that's don't do that to your mom don't take money from your mom's retirement account to put yourself through school um Like Taylor said, there's in-state schools that'll give just as good an education for a lot less. He could go to two years of community college, which are just slightly more than free, and then go to a two-year school, or I'm sorry, a four-year school to finish out.

Those things would save him a ton. I do think college is worth it from my experience. I did a lot of college, and I felt like I got a lot from it. But, yeah, what you're doing now appears to be one of the most expensive routes to get educated. And it matters how much you pay for this thing. This is an investment in yourself. And a lot of people don't look at it as a return on investment. They look at it as their life experience for the next four years. University of Arizona is going to be so

cool. Should I do it? Huh? Do you think it's nice? No, dude. Like this is the diving board. This is your platform from which you'll jump off of to the rest of your life. And you can't start it at the bottom of the pool because you chose such a fucking expensive school so um and what if he decides during the third year or something when so much money's already down in the hole oh you know what i don't actually want to go into business i want to be an attorney or i want to be a doctor or something so then you're going to shell out that same amount for a three or four year post grad education like then you're you know third of a million dollars in debt by the end of it like it's just play it safe don't take advantage You don't think you're trying to take advantage of your mom, but don't,

don't put her out like that. Yeah. This is too much. Yeah. You get accepted somewhere else. And, uh, and the gap year, by the way, is a pretty neat idea too. Um, I don't know. You get a job. When I was 18, everybody told me to just go straight into college because if I took a gap year, then I would somehow get off of the school treadmill and never finished. In my case, anyway, that turned out to be bad advice. Like I whatever I got off and back on that treadmill when I got my master's. I, you know, I would have done it and I might have been like emotionally richer. Right. Like he started off saying he wanted to know what getting a grasp on the value of money in my life and money isn't the point of life, but the

experience is, but money facilitates that, you know, if you're broke, you're one of those guys who never leaves his town or his County. And that kind of sucks. I'm talking about, you know, just, just barely making it by with money. You get to see the world with money. You get to do interesting things with money. You get to, get to, I don't know. Also, there's a lot less stress when you're not living week to week. So money is, I live life with and without money, and I definitely prefer with. But the real point is your experience.

I don't know how I got onto that. I like that. That sounds good. Yeah. Good answer. You should sew that into a pillow. Which one? The whole thing.

It'll be a body pillow, but it'll motivate people to come over. Woody, do you think you got with Jackie and married soon thereafter. Do you think your education would have been like your time in school do you think it would have been

I don't know. What do you think would have been different if there time in school, do you think it would have been, I don't know, what do you think would have been different if there had been a single Woody going to school those years? Do you think that you'd have made it, you'd have done this, you'd have made it, you know, gotten all the degrees you got, you know, stuck through it, or would you have been distracted by loose women and their wiles? It's, no, it's not the loose women in their wiles i think that would have made a difference uh but and so jackie did a day in the life video just recently you probably didn't see it but uh like it wakes up with her at like 6 a.m taking the dogs out while i'm still

asleep right she just facilitates everything in my life then she like takes colin to parkour comes back and makes me breakfast i get breakfast i see that she makes you married life i know about that all right i know that she makes being married to jackie's wonderful she's like a full-time assistant partner secretary all that stuff rolled into one but in school you didn't really need that so much right i feel like i did so jackie's job has been since the moment we met to be like my text uh to be my like emotional support right like it's uh and to some extent the driver like when we moved to north carolina we chose this place because we wanted nicer weather than new jersey we wanted a place that was rich in tech careers, the Research Triangle Park, and I wanted a place that would

offer schools so I could get my master's. I was down here for like a year just playing hockey with like three teams at one time or whatever just fucking about enjoying life and she's like you know we had kind of a social contract on this master's degree thing you gonna sign up for that and You know she did it delicately, but without that I might not have gotten the master's so she basically said hey I signed up to be married to a man with a fucking master's degree And that hasn't happened yet I'm still a size 2, but you don't have a master's degree So something like that huh it's used the phrasing

social contract because that's a bit of a red no she didn't it clearly says right here but you have a master's degree by next month but it's like there is kind of a thing like look you know like on the support system i push this thing along And part of it is pushing you to have high expectations in your career success. And so I forget how you originally started your question. You know, would I have gone through all that school or would I have been tempted? I feel like not only is she the emotional support, but she's also kind of the gentle, helpful nudger, you know, and and that helps a ton like she's I am more than I would have been without her oh not that you should put on a pillow yeah do that I am more than I would have been without you put that shit on a pillow

and just give it to her you'll get you know they'll be daytime sex forever haha I'm a huge fan that fan. I like working from home. So I want to know who's the most famous person you're aware of who has their razors delivered to them through the Shape Club? Good question. There was a pro wrestler, Zach somebody or other, who is a subscriber.

That's a great question. I have to do a search on that. I don't know how I would find that out. I think actually Leanne Rimes tweeted at us recently that she loved our shave butter. I don't know who else.

It looks like a hairy girl. Like who else. That'd be so... Like the Pope. Someone got it. That'd be amazing if we could get his holiness. He's got quite a few social buddies there. A couple of them,

you know? Yeah, just get a tweet. The Pope like it smooth. So what's the long-term plan with Dollar Shave Club? Are you going to sell this thing off for a billion dollars? Are you going to run it? Where do you see you?

Just happy running it right now. We don't really think about an exit or anything like that. As long as we're growing and helping people, I'm happy. All right. All right. I don't know I did it must be tempting to sell it sometimes right because I feel like your life now is probably running this business you wake up every day there's a problem you didn't anticipate you just fix it fix it fix it your life tomorrow is sailing over to the French Riviera, starting at the Caribbean.

You're, I don't know, a woman on each arm. That can't be too bad. I think that fantasy is interesting for a month. But I don't know. And I can't speak for everybody. I don't know. And I can't speak for everybody. But just sitting on a pile of money and traveling around the world, I think,

would probably get old. And I know a lot of people would disagree with that. That's not the end state. You've got to enjoy what you're doing while you're doing it and not kind of romanticize about a future destination and a beach that you're sitting on somewhere with, you know, two girls on your arm or whatever, whatever the fantasy is, right? You've got to, you have to love what you do and, you know, enjoy that because that's what you're doing most of the time. I know that if I were on that beach and I had sold Dollar Shave Club that I would probably be missing it

after about a month because I like being in the game. I'd be fine with a pile of money and traveling, I think. Where would you go? Thailand? Sexcation? But, yeah, I'd be fine with a pile of money and traveling, I think. Where would you go? Oh. Thailand?

Sexcation? Well, Thailand, obviously. I'd spend, like, six months just sitting around my own house, just like, oh, my God, I feel good. Look at all this fucking money. We're, like, just planning a bunch of crazy trips. Go to Thailand, see if I could get into some North Korea just to see what it was like, as long as I didn't have to risk getting caught or something.

You know, like when you have a bunch of money, you can hire a helicopter, maybe sneak in. You want to cross the DMZ? In a helicopter? An alternate route. Alternate route in. I mean, it's kind of just a minefield with a fence and all, though, right? Like, it's just like... Yeah, but they're not sky mines.

You can fly over that. There's lots of ways. But they have... That's what they call missiles though. I feel like they would rocket you down. North Korea is your destination? I'm saying that after I did all the traveling of like the French Riviera and places like that, wouldn't you kind of want to use a bunch of money and go see what's really going on in places like that where you're not supposed to be? Just because it's for big... I'd like to go on safari. French Riviera is shit. I've been there. Italian Rivieraiera is twice as good But that's not where you want to go you want to go

I want to rent a motorcycle and go from Seattle to Anchorage. That's the truck That's I'm gonna get drug along on this trip. I'm gonna die on a goddamn motorcycle. Yeah, let's do this You can't listen to the radio. You can't listen to a podcast. I listen to all those things I could What are you all 90s helmet? No, I'm gonna have headsets like this fucking communicating like nerds riding down the road for like 2,000 miles or something Crossing a continent and I'm gonna die unlike the first block because I can't ride a fucking motorcycle. I never have I had no experience It's easy. He's like let's go rent some fucking harleys let's just like no i'll die like i just i feel like like i understand the clutch and the brake and i like i know that the basics

of how to operate a motorcycle but i have a solution for a man of your motorcycle masculinity sidecar right i will put you in my sidecar. I'd rather fucking die. I mean, you'd wear those little goggles too? Yeah, yeah! I could... Like, um, typically I think we put a dog in the sidecar, but in your case, it'll be you. No, it won't. I'll give you a fucking sidecar. No. I, uh, I like the idea of a motorcycle trip. Chiz was saying, like, we should get something that's trikes, but I was like, well, like a disabled motorcycle club, we're all on trikes. Like, no, I don't want to get the trikes,

um, but, but I don't know, man, like, you're talking about going cross-country, and I feel like it'd be great on the open road, because it, I mean, it's just straight, you know, I could even do curves, I'm sure, but I feel like in cities and stuff, like, dealing with traffic, like, if you make a mistake, you just die, because you die because you're not encased in anything. You're just sitting on a piece of metal. Yeah, don't do that. Are you talking about an actual trip or an adventure trip?

Because that would be so boring to watch guys ride motorcycles through the wilderness. No! So I got the idea from actually my real estate agent when we bought this house. He's like, let's rent Harleys and do something. He turned out to be a douche, so we're not doing that but kyle's not and um it sounded awesome now i've had that this idea like buzzing in my head for a couple months like burning in intensity and i started watching long way round are you guys familiar with this

yeah so there's two actors british actors and they start off in london and they're going to ride their motorcycles around the world. Best you can. So they're going west. They went through, like, I can't even name it, Slovakia and Czech Republic. And then they went through Ukraine. I think they made a little stop in Russia. As I'm watching it, they're currently in Mongolia, which, by the way, not a very good traffic infrastructure.

So they're going to go up to the Bering state take a little boat or something to Anchorage come down across Canada across America to New York and then fly back to London they're taking motorcycles east around the northern hemisphere and while that sounds great I think we should go baby steps and just go from Seattle to Anchorage. You know what's going to happen is Kyle's either going to hate it every step of the way and be bitchy and moaning, or you're going to get him addicted to another wildly dangerous hobby and he'll be trying to rig guns onto it or like a potato gun motorcycle or some other thing. It's just, there's no good way, there's no winning in this.

It's about the experience it's like the whole purpose of this thing is to be like more emotionally wealthy at the end of the trip than at the start you know like i've been to disney world i don't know how many times like a hundred or something and uh and every time i come back and i'm no different than i arrived however there have been some other trips i've taken where it's like yeah yeah this is this is what it's supposed to be. You're, I don't know, slightly modified version of the one that went to it. And I feel like this is one of those trips.

The object is to get emotional. Mike, Kyle's pussying out. You down? Yeah. Like, first of all, I don't even know if we're going to be able to rent these motorcycles that you speak of. Like, you know, without any experience or the motorcycle license or anything like that like i know you can go to places like rent a vespa or like a scooter or like a moped like at the beach but like renting a full size motorcycle and then being like yeah we'll be back in two weeks we're going to anchorage with it

like i don't know if there's a place that will facilitate that for you motorcycles can be cheap like you can get a running working serviceable motorcycle for $250. Are we now talking about purchasing shitty motorcycles and using those to go from... No. We're talking about buying a starter motorcycle so that you can get licensed.

This is getting worse. This is getting worse. Now I have to, like, practice for your trip on a shitty motorcycle, and then I have to find a way to facilitate this magical rental that I don't even believe is possible. I accept your terms. We need to focus on one trip at a time. I was in the fucking wilderness today Uh huh. with a machete hacking my way up a river bed looking for a spot for us to do the survival trip.

How did that go? Pretty good. I think I'm on to something. I uh, I walked it- I walked pretty far in. I had my pistol with me. I was worried that there were going to be hillbilly folk. Every time I drive back into the wilderness area, there's two or three trucks just randomly parked. There was one guy with

crazy cross eyes that literally went the opposite directions. He was just driving around back there. You're miles away from civilization. I put my gun on and went for a hike today and I think I'm on to something so in a general area for your benefit it's going to be me Kyle Joe Lozon I don't know if you know him as a UFC fighter and so you me Joe Lozon and who is Chiz in the woods doing a week-long survival trip kind of Les Stroud style except that like we cheat a lot more than Les Stroud does.

We're going to bring a sleeping bag. We're going to make our own structures. Dig your own toilet. Dig your own toilet. Yeah, we're not bringing any food. Or water. Or water. But we're bringing water.

If we have a campsite picked out, I want the campsite to be convenient to water, but out of the flood zone. That's the objective. You guys should all have your amenities, but for as long as Chiz can handle it, he has to do it fully Les Stroud style. So he has to watch you

cooked on the tray. He has to watch you get in your sleeping bags as he's pulling dry leaves onto himself. He's willing to get some Flint to light his 10th cigarette of the night. I'd love to watch him struggle. Yeah, I don't know if we're going to allow him cigarettes for the survival trip. I got no problem with it, but it seems... He needs to quit.

He's supposed to move into my... He's supposed to go from the survival trip, and then instead of returning home, he's going to come live in my guest house. And there's no smokers in my property, so he needs to get that worked out by then. I love how harsh that is. What he didn't say, there's no smoking in my house. He didn't say

no, don't even smoke in the yard. He's like, there's no smoking on my property. You'll have to walk over there. He couldn't smoke on the property I don't know no no I mean like if there was like a construction worker visiting stance right I'm sorry America said again you have a hard stance on the smoking but isn't it Jackie who has like the incredibly you know not CS'd there would be no smoking on your property.

I think, yeah, she's probably even more diligent about this than I am. I just imagine a prank video where Chiz gets fake cigarettes and Jackie comes home to discover him and Colin smoking one together. And his arm around Colin.

Both of them taking a drag. They make fake ones that when you puff on them, the end lights up like fire and everything. And you exhale smoke. You could pull that off. She would shit a brick. Whenever Jackie, like every Christmas, every time she visits her family, they're all crazy for candy cigarettes.

And they get all the kids involved and they're chewing on candy cigarettes. Cigarettes. That's like something that I didn't even know existed anymore. I thought I saw that in like 1946. They still make them. I was at a store the other day and I saw them. I thought they'd been, you know, of course,

they outlawed the candy cigarettes, right? So kids can't pretend to smoke cigarettes for candy, but no, they're still there. I remember when I was five, like having those. Those were fun. I have pictures of like a big fat diabetic fuck on the front. Like, what the fuck'll eat too many cigarettes? Right.

They should be like a warning. Candy cigarettes make you fat. Yeah. Not a safe alternative to Skittles. All right, Mike. What music's on your phone right now? Hmm. I've been doing a lot of Spotify radio.

You know, I throw on Ten Snake it's some good kind of metro beats it gets me through the work day I like listening to some of that stuff while I'm working Kyle what's on your phone right now? I don't put music on my phone I don't either I stopped doing that like three phones ago it's all spotify or pandora yeah i find that like i end up with like a playlist that that's so even if it's 150 songs

like i listen to them over and over and over and then those 150 are ruined like for the next two years because i listen to them too much so i don't even do it that that's happened to me with my spotify playlist my late people are gonna to hate this because I is I really like Siri no one like Siri it appears but me and I just started doing like now they shake it off by Taylor Swift don't you could have looked in your phone searched it and found it this is what I do in the car now I uh I I whatever I I use I I switch from Spotify I'm sorry this week especially I'm not hearing you when I talk at the same time I'm getting overloaded but uh. What's your newfound fascination

with Siri all of a sudden? I feel like this really ramped up quickly. There was an update and he heard about it and then he checked Siri out for the first time in a long time. But I think there's actually been like two or three updates since the last time he actually applied it. And so it has improved.

And so now he thinks it's just like he's fucking Iron Man like Robert Downey Jr. And he's got a little artificial intelligence friend that will help him out with everything. Yeah. So Mike doesn't know. I own a small business. It's a Minecraft server. And I've got staff that kind of follows the clock, like California, UK, Texas, et cetera.

And I flew him over to my house and we did a team building event and there was a young guy from Scotland and he liked Siri and he kind of reintroduced me to it. And suddenly when I wasn't looking, Siri got awesome. She does everything. My wife nags me, you know, like don't forget to pick up Colin

at 4. Don't forget to pick up Colin at 4. Which is like a legit thing because that's the kind of thing I forget. And I'll say, set an alarm for 345 PM. Okay, it's on. Done! Right? How awesome is that? Did she say it's on? Yeah, she did!

Alright. What does she say when she forgets to remind you at 345? She never forgets. Here, let me... I'll say... Change that alarm from 3.45 to 3.50. Your alarm's now set to 3.50 p.m. tomorrow. Right?

Tomorrow. What if you need to wake up early? Like, really early to get him at 350 in the morning suddenly the whole morning's ruined because you left colin somewhere he was doing this like three years ago and have you ever heard of series like she gives little smarmy comments if you don't ask something correctly like if you ask one of my friends showed me they were like what how many gold medals did bruce jenner win in whatever year it was, 1980. And it'll be like, ding, ding. Don't you mean Caitlyn Jenner?

No, I mean the one who fucking won the medals. Don't give me lip. You just bought them to your robot. I don't like their little editorializing with it. Just make it like Google. Yeah, there were a couple that I thought were really funny at first. Like, what happens if you divide by zero? And, uh, she gives like a paragraph long answer that ends with

insulting you for having no friends. And, um, yeah, it's, it's, it was funny the first time, but mostly now I just like what she actually does. And yeah, I don't know. They did. I feel like we've done enough Siri talk on the show, but I am genuinely a fan. They made it good when I wasn't looking, and it's pretty cool. And a lot of people take this as an Android dig. For all I know, that's good, too.

I didn't really use it much, but I just rediscovered Siri. I've never once used whatever lady is on my phone, the Android one. Could be good, could be shit. I'll just type it in. Yeah. I've even started using Apple Maps more, whatever they call it, because of the Siri integration. It's just better to me for that reason.

Oh, I got a thing for Mike. I feel like everybody gets a business idea at one point or another, right? And in my head, one of the stopping points has always been manufacturing. Like if I had come up with your idea before you, hypothetically, I'd think, I don't even know how to begin in like making razors of reality. Like I assume you outsource it, but I don't know anything for sure. Like how do you begin and saying like, all right, this is what I want, this is my design, and make it a physical product? Best thing to do is, look, you need, first of all, it depends what the idea is.

Is it something that requires industrial design? Is it a food product? There's all kinds of all kinds of areas. But industrial designer in, you know, if you live in a major city, there's probably great industrial designers that can help you think through how to prototype something. So can I interrupt you? Yeah, so I've got a sample idea. And I'll

say because I don't think I'm going to pursue it. But here it was, I was in my house replacing receptacles and they had been painted over in a sloppy way, right? So you could put tape on the front of it, but if you spray it, especially the sides get painted. And then when you put the plate on, it looks crappy because you can see it. So when you just put tape on it, it takes skill. If you don't put tape on it, it gets sloppy and it's a problem. So I don't know if you've had kids or not but maybe you've seen those push in like safety things so the children don't like stick forks in outlet imagine that but instead of being really difficult to pry and remove it's something like that maybe

with the sponge background so it grabs the side and now you can like sort of custom fit the outlet when someone goes to paint a room bam bam bam bam, bam, in 10 seconds, they've applied their four outlet covers. And they have confidence that even if they spray, if they roll, if they whatever, now that problem is solved, right? So how does, if you could picture it in my head anyway, it's kind of a plastic shell with like a foam in the back so that it hugs the outlet a little better. I wouldn't even know how to begin manufacturing the little outlet cover. I don't think I would either. Yeah.

Really? It's a good thing. I didn't expect that. I expected you to be like, right, well, you need a plastics guy. You got to call Tom. Right, you got to go call Tom. Yeah, I got a plastic guy. I will bring him in.

I think there are places you can go to for that. And you get an engineer to create a CAD drawing of it or a digital representation. And then he usually knows the next step, where to take it from there. I was building a thing one time, and we started with an engineer. We found a guy to make the virtual version of the product that I never ended up using. And then, you know, there was another guy that he recommended who made it out of plastic, injected mold in it, and then it kind of went from there. But I think that's the way to do it.

I think you can find these places, but it's not readily easy. It's not like, oh, ABC, that's how you do manufacturing. It's hard. You've got to do some Googling, I guess. So you find a pro who could design this thing and who probably knows what whoever does injection molds needs. He'll create it in that format. You get a couple prototypes in, refine the design, and then find some guy in China. I'll say what it was. I designed a thing

one time. It's for the lower but it was a much bigger mag well so that when you put the mag in, sometimes you can be, I can't get it straight in if you're trying to load quickly. But the one that I designed was really big. It was flared around

the bottom. It's the same size in there where it ends up. I get it. It was flared around the bottom and you know it's the same size in there where it ends up. I get it so it was wider. So you could be quicker with your reloads and stuff. It was much bigger yeah. And it had some knurling right here so you actually had a bit of a handle right here instead of just grabbing the mag. And I got that made. We designed

it. The engineer put it in the CAD. The injection mold place did a run of prototypes and then you know they give you pricing from there. That's what I did. This is my survival rifle by the way. This is what I'm taking on the trip. Is that the.22? Don't put that thing in me. Did you know, I learned this from Freddie Wong, you can't point a gun at a camera for like a TV show and such? What? Right? And if you think about it, have you ever seen a gun pointed directly at the lens?

Rarely. Bad shot. But I don't know. I feel like I'm sorry, Taylor. Whenever we talk at the same time, I'm completely silencing you and I don't mean to. But I feel like an artist, you know, a videographer could do something special with that. Like, I don't have any, my guns are right behind me, but if you do like a big open bore in the, yeah, yeah. Like that shot, especially if it were an even bigger gun, like a shotgun could become sort of an iconic, oh my God, this is scary moment. That is unloaded. The light source is perfect down there. I can see the rifling.

This is awesome. But yeah, but you can't do this on TV. Freddie Wong made a commercial for Battlefield, the video game, and they had pointed a gun right at the camera, and it got rejected. But fortunately, they had another angle, and they just swapped it. That is weird. Mike, you a gun guy? I used to shoot rifles when I was younger.

Shotguns, lately, I like shooting the traps. It's really fun. It's really fun. No handguns ever? I tried handguns once, and that was just a little bit too violent for me. You know, I wasn't as good at it, so maybe that had something to do with it. But just something felt very aggressive about it. And also, the place where I went to shoot them was a little small, and nobody was smiling. Was it indoor?

Yeah, it was indoor. When you're out on the range, people are smiling, and they're happy, and they're outdoors, and they're shooting moving things. and they're happy and they're outdoors and they're shooting moving things. When you're inside at the range shooting the handguns, and nothing against people that shoot handguns. I'm sure it's very fun for them, but it just feels like business. It just feels like self-defense. I think of it like this.

All right, so if you go to one of those little indoor ranges with the Gestapo looking over your shoulder, making sure that your finger's pointed the right way the whole time. And you kind of like make sure you're not making anyone angry and put your 50 rounds into a piece of paper and, you know, with your earmuffs and it's so fucking loud, you can't really have any fun. And there's a,

there's a fan going the whole time that people forget about. That's super loud, sucking all the smoke out of the room. I compared like, that's like the comparison between going and getting a hand job from like an Asian an Asian hooker, like a massage parlor, versus, like, having sex with a beautiful woman. Which is, when you get out in a field with a gun, when you can, you know, get out somewhere and you can have some real fun and do whatever you want and maybe set some bowling pins up or some watermelons or, you know, some animals that you've gathered from the neighborhood, you know, whatever. Then you can really enjoy a gun. Yeah, I was going to say that, too.

Thank you for the Asian hunter analogy. Yeah, yeah, it's the difference between making love to a beautiful woman and going and getting, like, a happy ending. Yeah, that's what I was trying to do, yeah. Well, from there, new topic? What do you you got you want to talk about the republicans and they're putting on a show right this second i'm trying i'm looking forward to the highlights i i worry that you know mike is a public figure maybe doesn't want to talk politics

oh probably not gonna probably not going to um you know trumpet my support for Cindy Lauper as president on this podcast. You said trumpet. All right, all right. For everybody. But I think it would be hilarious. I think I might just spite vote for Trump just because it would bother so many people and it's funny. He's not going to win. I would love it if Trump won.

He was on there a little while ago talking about building that fucking fence between us and Mexico, and he's like, I'll make the Mexicans build it, and if they don't build it, I'll pay for it. He just loves fences. He loves fences. You can't beat that. They all love fences. That's what they were talking about when immigration came up. No, but not even an immigration fence. He just loves fences. You can't beat that. They all love fences. That's what they were talking about when immigration came up. No, but not even an immigration

fence. He just loves fences. This just happens to be the biggest fence for him to build, so he's building it. I imagine I go to his place and his dogs are co-ordinated in 18 different sections. Yeah. I want to see this. I want to see him become president. I think he would be the worst president

of all time. Which is what we all want, I I think he would be the worst president of all time. Which is what we all want, I think. It would be so entertaining. I feel like he'd be so bad that after 18 months, two years, they would impeach him, that his VP would take over. Maybe he would have to even fall back to the third in command, whoever that is. Isn't it like the majority leader or something? Do you remember when Howard Stern ran for mayor of New York City?

Yeah. You might have been too young. No, well, I know all about it though because I listened to all the... I've listened to those broadcasts. I listened to him. So he ran for the Libertarian Party, if I remember correctly. And when you do that, when you like nominate yourself to run for the thing, you have to go to like the Libertarian Party. Like there's a big meeting where like someone says i nominate howard stern to for this position and then another guy comes up and he's like i second the nomination and each of you and then stern goes up and he's like i accept the nomination like all that had to happen

and the guy that got up there immediate it was uh crackhead bob i think and you can't understand a word he said he's like and they're all just like you can hear like the buzz of people like giggling and laughing because they don't know what the fuck's going on and they get the second guy to second his the nomination and at first he's very coherent and then out of nowhere he goes I haven't slept in like 36 hours anybody want to see my

dildo and they're like Sturz like get him off the stage get him off the stage Sturz candidacy was funny I wish i could remember both the issues but i remember one he's like his thing was this i promised to you if you elect me mayor of new york i will do two things and i will resign one of them was to put those automated drive-through tolls like easy pass i think it's called in that area on the bridges so and it was pretty much so that his commute would get light years better. He would be able to just drive

through at 50 miles an hour. And then there was another issue. Oh, I do know it. He said all highway construction would be at night. He's like, I will do those two things. I'll push highway construction to night and I will make the tolls the kind that you can drive through. And then I will retire and this more competent person will be

your mayor. And he was the guy. And his running mate was a guy with a lot of experience. And he was actually... He wasn't from the Libertarian Party. I think he might have been a Democrat. And the Libertarians didn't care for that very much during the nomination. But he was just saying,

hey, hey, do you want to be relevant? Do you want to be a real party? Do you want to win an election? We can do it. Otherwise, you're just going to stay where you are like you know and nobody nobody knows who you are or what you're doing let's win this thing yeah and uh it was i want to say it was a serious campaign i mean he actually wanted to do those things he wanted to be there sign two pieces of paper to make those things happen and then hand

it off to a more competent politician and uh i don't know how that came up but trump i'm not sure i want trump to be my president but i definitely want him to be one of my candidates because this is great he's so entertaining i i saw like the first question they asked asked him he i could see him he was like like he was so geared up to answer it and when he started he's just like immediately not answering the question it's trump talk it's like he's like fence fuck my opponents fuck that one in particular don't know how to ask good questions fence and like that was it that's all he said i love trump he's the most entertaining candidate i think we've had ever i can't think of anyone who is as much of a clown on the national stage as that guy.

And the best part is it seems like 17% of the population thinks that's a good idea. All right. So I've got a question from Mike. It's off script, but are you ready? Would you rather be at peak physical fitness until you die or peak mental capacity until you die? Oh, peak physical for until you die? Ooh. Peak physical, for sure. Really? I don't want to be aware that I can't walk. I like that rationale. All right.

When I get crippled, I don't want to know it. Yeah, I'd rather be like, you know. Because what's the use of being some perfect Adonis if you've lost your mental faculties right yeah well No, do you get the same? Mental capacity arc if you choose fitness that you would normally sure because I if I level at my peak physical fitness is probably At 19 or something, but oh my lord. I was such a jackass at that time i don't want to stay that guy

i just want to look like they wouldn't correspond i i would imagine you'd like get 22 year old woody body plus like 22 year old woody body if he spent 18 months like training for an mma fight with trainers or something like that's you like super jack like six percent body fat or something able to run run a marathon, that version of you. I would take that because I feel like, I mean, if my mental faculties do decline, I feel like that's not going to happen until at least my 60s, right? And I'm never going to live that long anyway. So I'd love to be, you know, peak fitness version of me. I can't remember which philosopher said that, you know, every man should know the full full potential of his body i can't remember who said that but i like that quote and uh and i don't think i i have

ever known that i don't think many people have that's i envy joe for that i feel like joe knows does like yeah there's a couple years i worked that wicked hard i that's about as strong as that's gonna be like like he knows he knows what his peak was surely but i don't find it would be like obviously the best answer is physical perfection until you're done. Because if you have mental, what if you have a stroke, you can't really talk anymore and you're laying there at the age of

72. Your mind is still sharp as a tack. You have to watch your family come in and be like, do you think he can even hear us? No, he can't. It's like, I'm here! I'm here! Kill me! Kill me! It's so dismal and awful. You have to live the rest of your life like that.

Well, on the other hand, imagine you're laying in bed, your mental faculties are shot, but you've got that perfect body, and all of the people at the old folks' home just keep fucking you every night. Just every night, they're fucking that old guy with the perfect body. That's true. You could go to Abercrombie modeling orie modeling or something are you making this a downside or an upside a

downside it's it's like the male orderly like and kill bill he's bringing some truck driver in there most time not all the time this fella gets dry sand down there so you want to lube him up like that could be you with your perfect body yeah you, you don't want that. No, you're not dead at the table, unconscious, like the Thurman in that movie. You're still, like, bumbling about, like, looking like you lost your keys. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Nobody's going to believe your stories about the truckers that are fucking you every night. Like, no. I would hope that with my great body, I would have made a lot more money in my life,

and I wouldn't be in some weird truck stop old folk home, and I would be somewhere nice where people were coming in to violate me every evening. But, you know, this is an odd question. That's a good one, though, but I think there's no question. Obviously, the physical. I think it happens in all the old folks' homes, the fucking. Alright. Oh, it does. I've got a new one, and we'll start with Mike. Are you ready? What are we in the golden age of? Self-promotion. What do you mean by that?

Just like the ability on Twitter and Facebook? I don't know, man. It just sounded good. No, it's, yeah, it's Twitter. Everybody, you know, you just look at LinkedIn and what everybody's saying about themselves and things they post on Twitter or Facebook. Everybody's an expert. Everybody's a guru. And they want to talk about it. I want to steal Woody's answer and say we're in some sort of golden age of filmmaking. You know, on a related note, I'm going to steal this.

I saw this question on the internet. And the top answer was story-driven episodic television. Yeah, that's definitely true. Yeah, I can't think of another time that we've had shows on the level of Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones. There was a time when you had The Sopranos and The Wire. But I still think... Everybody kisses the Wire's ass so much. I feel like it was a great

show, but I feel like some of today's shows are better. I feel like Breaking Bad's a lot better than The Wire. I agree with that. Never walked The Wire, but the way people get so excited about it when you read about it in forums, it makes me not want to watch it. Just like that show Community where everybody was just feverishly masturbating each other about how great that show was watched one episode it was okay the wire oh no the community i was saying

the same example there happens where people just get way too into a show and make it out to be something way more than it is i was replying to you because i thought there was a gap and now i've talked over you and i can create my own gap tonight because you're completely silent whenever I talk. But The Wire, in my opinion, like it's, I don't know, went on maybe five seasons. And seasons one through three were as good as it gets. And it tapered off and got bad. Breaking Bad, on the other hand, I mean, the last episode was amongst the best ones. It was so good.

I like The wire a lot i it was one of those i know you haven't seen it taylor but it's it was a show that showed like both sides equally the police and the gangsters so you knew what the gangsters were up to you knew about their family life but you also knew the same about the police officers so they each had their own little mini dramas going on in their own lives and some a lot of uh some episodes would focus more on this character or that character. So this officer gets his own episode and this criminal gets his own episode.

And there was a lot of really cool stories they were able to tell with that kind of show. It was really good. Lots of strong actors too. Maybe I'll check it out. I still need to get through the God, what the hell is it? Sopranos before I go into any other show. I need to get through the... God, what the hell is it? Sopranos before I go into any other show. I need to try it again.

I'm on the... I'm on episode 20 or 21 of season 6 right now, so I have one and a half more episodes to go until I finish the Sopranos for the third time. Well, back to the actual question. I think we're in a golden age of sports insofar. Yes. Just make it... Like... question. I think we're in a golden age of sports in so far. Yes. We're past the age of like

1932 where you just kind of were like, looked at a guy who was pretty good in the neighborhood league and like, put him in, you know. And we're not to the point yet where everybody obfuscated kind of drug that makes them like super humans you know that'll

be entertaining in its own way and we're at a point now where you're seeing like mostly the peak of what the human body can do in these sports because like even like you can pull people like professional athletes in the 70s who were great throw them in today and they're just going to get their shit packed in like they won't be able to compete the best basketball player back then not a chance the best hockey player back then? It's gonna have circles skated around them. Like, it's only a matter of time until they start sneaking steroids through into everything, which I'm

okay with, just watching a bunch of... I want to see bionics in sports. That's what I want to see. You know why I hate steroids? It's because of Joe. Like, um, if I never met Joe Lozon, I'd probably be like, yeah,

put them all on steroids. I want to watch, like, super human shaved chimpanzees go at it in the octagon or whatever. But because Joe doesn't cheat, it's like,

steroids suck all of a sudden. Like, you know, he's had 20 UFC fights or something like that. One of them, two of them, ten of them have to have used performance enhancing drugs. And, you know he's had 20 ufc fights or something like that one of them two of them ten

of them have to have used performance enhancing drugs and uh you know i wonder how maybe things you know would any of those losses turn into wins i don't know um like and and suddenly like it's like you can't be competitive unless you're willing to throw away your last 10 or 20 years because of the roid usage you had all this time. You know, there are issues with reproduction, you know, so now you have to use drugs from your doctor to produce testosterone to even have kids, and, you know, like, Chael Sonnen's going through that. It's, um, I don't know.

Chael Sonnen? Steroids? Lots of them. Yeah. And, uh... That cyborg chick. She's on so much. She's on so many steroids.

She needs to sign up for Dollar Shave Club herself. Like, she's... Her facial bones. I think it's from the HGH they said, but her facial structure is so scary. Yeah. It doesn't... What was the fighter you compared her to?

It was a little mean, I guess. Vondale Silva. I don't know why it's so mean to make fun of a woman's looks and not a man's, because Vonderlei Silva is an ugly motherfucker too, but she looks just like him. I got it from Dana White. Dana White made the comparison. Oh, that's harsh.

That's bad when your boss is doing that. It's called the Cyborg. Her last name is Cyborg. She's a female UFC fighter. And I want to see her fight Ronda Rousey because I think she'd beat her up. Because she's bigger and she looks like a man. I watched that GIF of the Ronda Rousey fight. You watched the Ronda Rousey fight?

Yeah, it doesn't even look like the other fighter, whatever her name is, that she's fighting. It doesn't look like she had been fighting for more than a couple weeks. She looked like she had been fighting the whole time. She had four years of MMA experience. But yeah, she got pummeled. Get a better job because you're not very good at that one. She, yeah, like Kyle was saying she actually started mma four years ago in an effort to lose weight and now she's in there with ronda rousey getting her butt kicked in uh

in 34 seconds it's and it's funny so ronda got so much press out of this fight that like a lot of people became instant ronda fans all of a sudden she's going mainstream it's like a tyson knockout or something but this isn't the fight that you should be impressed with like she fought a olympic silver medalist in wrestling and whooped her up in a couple of seconds she fought someone else i forget who had outstanding striking and beat her real quick she beat misha tate who's an outstanding competitor that'll be your next opponent too rana's had impressive wins this wasn't one of them. But she did win impressively just against a chump. Anyway, so on the screen now, we're looking at

Cyborg and Wanderlei Silva together. And God, they look similar to me. Yeah, that poor woman. She did a lot of that to herself. For sure. Yeah, yeah. She's tested positive for steroids. This is not idle speculation.

I don't feel as bad. Not poor woman. I don't understand why a female UFC fighter would go through the trouble of steroids anyway. Especially since I feel like a good piece of your pay is based on your marketability, which is the MMA term for your ass. Who's good looking, which is why we were able to promote her, put her on the posters, Who's good looking, which is, you know, why we were able to promote her, put her on the posters, fighting this she-ogre. With just a sloped forehead, giant ridge. This part of her face right here is like out here.

And it's a very unattractive thing going on on her head. Yeah. Her face. Well, let's get some more pictures of individuals for us to judge harshly like we're all great specimens clearly yeah so um i had a thought in my head uh oh mike what are you doing with your spare time what do you do to relax movies video games, video games, something else? Gosh, I work so much these days. I don't have much spare time.

I like playing pickup basketball. I enjoy reading. I live pretty close to the beach, so that's pretty good. What state are you in? Are you in California? Yeah, we're in Venice. Nice. How do you handle a staff member

that doesn't have the same fire he used to? Have the same fire? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. Ask him what's going on in his personal life. It's usually that. You think so? Could be.

All right. Okay, Kyle, taylor any questions hmm i don't think so i think i think that's i think that's all of them like how many people work at dollar shave club like actual employees i'm curious how they give it out i wondered that We got 150. 150 people. Mm-hmm. How many direct reports do you have? Eight. Eight. Yeah, that's about all you want. You don't want many more than that.

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I've had managers with 20. I've had managers with one. Neither one is great. I don't need that much management but I do want some so yeah 8's a good number alright

so Mike would you like to stick around or would you like us to to let you go I've got about 10 more minutes here before I gotta bust out alright hey what are you doing? Am I the asshole? Those are fun and

I want to know what Mike thinks about these dickholes. Which ones? Who? It's basically these people will write stories about something they did that they know is a little assholey but not fully convinced that they're

entirely an asshole. And so then right and people you know validate their feelings or they say you know like no you were totally an asshole in this situation and so it's for us to judge what they did and if they were truly an asshole that sounds fun it is all right judging other people in the safety of my own home give me a moment let me pick out a good one. Let's see. I said you're usually good at the am I the asshole thing because you're so shrewd. More of an asshole? Yeah, you are an asshole in many ways.

Thank you. You can see through both sides of that mirror. Yeah, definitely so sometimes yeah sometimes uh sometimes it's it's a good it's a good quality to have it can be i'm sure you have to be an asshole sometimes in the fiercely competitive delivery shave market you know sometimes you just got to lay down the wall um you know no we won't make an eight bladed razor i think they should put some of the blades in sideways fuck it yeah you know there's not room for eight so put some vertical ones attack from dollar shave club to the gillette shave club delivery they the people who order them

get some with the sideways razors threatening notes in threatening notes in there. Oh, I see. Yeah, see? You got to get your way one way or the other. Got to get everybody on Dollar Shave Club. All right, I'll do this one. We'll see how it goes. I've only skimmed it. Hi, everyone.

I was in a relationship with this girl for almost two years when we broke up. We broke up respecting each other, and we both had two to three weeks of great solitude. After those weeks, I started feeling lonely and texted her back. We talked and she told me that she wasn't interested in me but still wanted to see me in everything. We ended up seeing others, I'm sorry, we ended up seeing each other's and she tells me she finds my longtime a friend attractive and they text a lot. I'm surprised but she ends up saying that she wants to try again with me. This of course wasn't true even after she told me she loved me and that I was the one.

My friend, who is the guy that almost created my relationship with her by putting up opportunities for us to meet and such, has now seen her and kissed her while telling me there's nothing between him and her. I also know that he feels bad about this because he confessed everything yesterday. He told me something like, I'm not myself when I'm with her, I feel lame, etc. But he never said he was sorry, which is understandable. I also know that he's in desperate need of love

and sex because he got choked a lot during his teenage years? I don't know. Am I the asshole for being mad at both of them, or am I just needy? Or is this truly a dickhead move of him? Sky, let me get it straight.

I'm not sure exactly what happened. He likes this girl. The girl liked him at one point, or she was using him to get to the better looking friend? No, they dated for two years. Which is why he something? They dated for two years and broke up. And then it appears that the breakup is fairly fresh and she is now hooking up with his friend ah so it seems that she's thinking

about that friend for a while then if they just broke up and it's pretty fresh and now they're already yeah she was cheating on you with your friend. That's what happened. Everyone agrees on this? I don't know that to be true. She was cheating on you with your friend. I'm your friend. And... I guarantee you she was cheating on you with your friend. Yeah, they're both being assholes. He was fucking her behind your back.

He's totally been texting her the whole time you were trying... You thought you were gonna make it work and you were trying extra hard and all that stuff meanwhile she was like texting him like that's what happened yeah he was probably you were probably talking to him like oh yeah we're trying to make it work and he's like really what's her favorite kind of ice cream yeah oh yeah maybe you should try and like he's totally i bet he picked your brain for ways to fuck your girlfriend and now he's fucking your girlfriend so yeah yeah, they're both assholes and you let it happen. That's probably why he apologized

because he wouldn't need to apologize if they were hooking up. But he feels past guilt for having been probably some sort of stimulant to getting this whole thing ended in the first place. Yeah, they're both assholes and you should have figured this out. Yeah.

You're an asshole for not putting the pieces together poster yeah you're a dummy okay i am an asshole and a dummy too because i say they weren't cheating that uh his friend liked her from afar and just swooped in after they broke up and if you break up with a girl especially on i don't know i was gonna say especially on those good terms but it just seems that you don't get to lay claim to every girl You've left in your wake and that at some point. It's okay for her to date other people You do to your immediate friend group. I guess you're right. I'm thinking this through they dated for two I feel like there's some kind of a guy code here like I'm right like

Like that guy needs an ass-whipping like like like I like I'm not even gonna... He was choked as a child. What the fuck does that even mean? Yeah, I don't know where that comes in. He got choked a lot as a kid, so I understand he needs a lot of sex, so... He's fucking my girlfriend now, so he's getting the sex he needs. Like, what is this guy? This guy's a bigger pussy than that last guy whose friend was also banging the girl he loved. Like, seems like all these people on I Am An Asshole, Am asshole am i an asshole or just post these that whose girlfriends are getting fucked by

other people I that's the real shit man yeah you're right Kyle I got it wrong but here's a much shorter one I like this am I the asshole for expecting a full drink when I order one with no ice no no absolutely not ice no no that that'd be like if i ordered fries with less salt if there were fewer fries or if i ordered a burger plain like if there was less

meat no i you order the drink the ice is secondary it's an option and so you should fill the beverage up to 16 ounces 20 ounces or you know whatever the fuck you claimed on the board out there that's what the calorie and that the caloric numbers they're not using ice. They're telling you what the caloric value of 16 ounces of Coca-Cola is, not 14 ounces plus some ice. So if I were no ice, I want 16 ounces of beverage or that's it. You've thought about this before. Oh, absolutely. I've got a friend who orders her drinks with no ice and sometimes they try to short us and I don't allow that shit. But where does it say in the contract that they're selling you 16 ounces of fluid? What they're selling you is a 16-ounce cup.

It's a 16-ounce soda, though, I thought. I think full cup is implied. Maybe. I mean, you know, we'd have to go back and look at the fine print. If you go to the McDonald's website right now, they've got that little calorie menu with all the counters on there. The sodas are all measured. 16 ounces of Coca-Cola is, you know, whatever, 380 calories.

That's 380 calories no matter how much ice is in it. That's not true. If the ice displaces the soda, then... Yeah, but calories are calories. If you're buying 380 calories of soda, you're just talking about the volume that it actually fills. So by that logic, you'd say it doesn't matter how full the cup is or is not. I think what Kyle is saying is this is a 16-ounce cup.

I'd say this guy is an asshole for expecting more soda than he's paying for. I disagree entirely. I think that if you order a cup that that thing should be filled. If you don't want the ice, then that's your option. I'm not just ordering a 16-ounce. No one's selling you a full cup. No one's selling you a full cup of soda. They're selling you a full cup. But I don't want the ice.

They're giving you half of the physical cup. You entitled prick. I really think you should think of it as calories. You're not just buying a 16 ounce soda, you're also buying the 380 calories. So if I'm filling up your cup, then you're getting 760 calories or more of soda. I don't know. But I'll say this, if I put myself in the business owner's shoes,

I'm not sure that I'm saving a lot of money by giving this guy ice over iced tea. The energy that it takes to turn water into ice, which I'm sure he's bearing that expense, is part of the deal. And the soda or iced tea, or it mentions iced tea in this thing, is so cheap.

I don't know that giving ice is saving him a lot of money. I think they're just being a douchebag. On top of that, I'll say the counter person that's doing this is being a stupid douchebag because they operate on tips. Your job, while the employer might think is to make them a lot of money, your job is to make me like you

because that's what the tip is based on. So you should be hooking me up with full glasses of no iced iced tea, and then I'll hook you up with an appropriate tip. I don't know. I think this guy's an asshole for one more than he paid for. That's greedy. It is greedy.

You know what? That's one of the seven deadly sins. So let's all take a moment. Oh, my goodness. Really? You're taking the Jesus angle on this thing, Taylor? Disagree. That ice has zero value. That's why you can buy a cup of ice for free at most restaurants.

So I feel like that's really the way to go. I've heard of people doing this as a cheapskate move. You order the biggest drink and two cups of ice. Ice does not have zero value. You have to pay for it at the grocery store. Not at a restaurant, though. A cup of ice is free. But, you know, the real problem here is the asshole Burger King employee that was too lazy to fill it up.

Because you know that they just didn't want to deal with the slight risk of getting a little bit of soda on their wrist when they're handing it to them. It's usually the opposite. Usually they hand it to me and there's like an inch of soda on top that they're balancing precariously. It's a kind of prank it's coming out the middle of the lid and yeah that happened the other day and she's like be

careful it's full and i assumed that meant that the drink was full and so like when i put insert my straw like i should be careful instead she meant it's full and there's this much soda on top that i'm just barely keeping from spilling and it like spills all in my car and i told her i was like you said it was full you didn't say it was over full I was like there's Pepsi everywhere now I was like here try again which seems like a shitty thing to say but she deserved it cuz she was a stupid bitch get off that like weird indent on the plastic lid and that Liz just been sitting there being brushed by dirty McDonald employee hands fingernails for no oh I see him in there what touching

their feet they'll be like this like you. And then they put the lid on my drink. It's disgusting. I don't like fast food people. I feel like they're... I'll be happy when they're all replaced by robots and trained dogs because a combination of the two and you can run a fast food restaurant. I think the trained dogs thing is completely insulting.

You need two Labrador Retrievers and four robots. A fry robot, a hamburger robot, a cashier robot, Completely insulting you need to Labrador retrievers and for robots. I robot Robot a cashier robot and and maybe somebody lean a robot that can talk But he should be insulting McDonald's employees like that. It'll be four robots and two chimps All right, I'm not gonna read the four goddamn paragraphs this freaking illiterate idiot wrote in here But I will do the title am I an asshole for making change in a tip jar gonna read the four goddamn paragraphs this freaking illiterate idiot wrote in here but i will do the title am i an asshole for making change in a tip jar no no well it depends how

what did he get the denominations um yes i'm sorry what one more time what's the question am i an asshole for making change in a tip jar? What does he mean by making change? Oh, so I'll explain okay got it Okay, yeah Basically he got a five no and he wanted to tip three dollars So he reaches in there takes out two and drops a five in no no no definitely not yes No, I mean I'm gonna ask first you gotta ask first It I mean there's some places where maybe that's inappropriate like your wedding envelope you can't be like

you're like opening other envelopes getting 20s out making change like no don't worry I got this like no you can't do that and I guess there's somewhere else like maybe at a funeral or something like if you're given like some cards or something but no at most restaurants I feel like

that's acceptable unless it's super cheap like if you're making change in like the make a wish foundation bucket or something and you're like i don't want to get the whole dollar let's i get a couple quarters back like that seems shitty but yeah make a little change that's okay yeah it's either make the change or they get no money because i'm not giving five dollars to little susan with you know scalp cancer i'll give three i'll give you know two not getting five i'm give three. I'll give, you know, two. Not giving five. I'm gonna go with not an asshole too. And the thing is this. So this was a Coldstone.

Maybe I'm an asshole at my core, but I've always considered if it's a tip jar, you know, when you're carrying your food back to your own table, for the tip to be kind of optional, you know, like... Oh, totally. Yeah. Like Subway has a tip jar. Fuck you. Absolutely not. Unless... Sometimes they impress me, of optional you know like totally yeah like subway has a tip jar fuck you absolutely not

unless sometimes they impress me right sometimes they have a particular enthusiasm about their job or they stand out and i hit the tip jar for him you better be telling me a story and and like maybe like some boobs or something like you don't get to cold stone and the staff all broke out and this was kind of annoying but they sang in unison zippity do da I'd have walked right out I don't know if I told you guys on this show when I my friend worked at Cold Stone in high school and I would go in there with like four dollars of quarters and I made them sing over and over for a while it was it was a boring afternoon but you know you to kill time when you're 16.

Try tipping people that don't ordinarily get tipped. That's fun. Like who? What's a good example for you? You know, like the librarian, although nobody goes to libraries anymore. You know, it's like the policeman that pulls you over. Thank him for giving you a ticket. I just want to thank you. Bang, bang, bang, bang you bang bang bang yeah grease somebody that you don't need to grease and and just really catches

the muff card it's just a co a co-worker even be like hey thanks very much for uh you know grabbing the printer paper here you go you know we've been getting a lot of furniture delivered lately because i got a new house and uh i tip the delivery people. And I wish it was more appropriate to tip up front maybe. Or like I wish we could discuss it. Like look. You do. I plan on tipping you 20. Here's 10 now.

You don't hit any walls. The other 10 is coming your way. I've literally done stuff like that. Really? Hey, I usually tip guys when they deliver my furniture. Here's 10 now. 10 as long as we don't have any accidents. All right, let's get this done.

You could just say it like that and it's all good. I literally did that with furniture. I've done it with really anything, like the air conditioning repair. I tipped that guy. I was like, hey, anything we do to keep the cost down, let's do that. I'll tip you. You don't have to rate me full on. I remember one time we were getting – this isn't the air conditioning repair you're thinking of Woody but there was another time

when the guy like the bill was like $800 or something like that and then I look at the invoice and there's he's charging like $400 for an electrical motor that's in a catalog for $95 and it's just like you're just fucking me here so I'll try to tip and I've said before I think that

car salesman should be tipped too and you should let him know going in that you're going to tip him. That's because you were a car salesman. I'm not going to tip a car salesman. No, but I think what Kyle's doing is he's saying, like, a car salesman, I'm going to make a number. It's actually pretty smart. It's like, no, man, I'm going to give you that.

I'm going to help you out at the end of this, but give me the straight scoop. Like, what do I actually need to pay for this Honda? Yeah, exactly. It's a guy who's making 20% or 30% commission on the sale, but $200 or $300 out of your pocket might exceed that on a new car. It's well worth it to tip the guy. Be like, hey, I know you're not going to make a lot of money

if you give me a great deal, but just so you know, I tip well. Yeah. You can totally do that. If someone had done that to me when I was selling cars, I'd have been like, all right, I'll get the invoice price. Just keep saying no until I give you a nod. You know what I hate? I hate when you walk in to buy something, whatever, a car, a watch, and just within 10 minutes, they're up in your face and they're like, you know what I'm going to do for you?

I'm going to give you a 12% off. I'm going to give you 12% off before you even open your mouth. It makes you think like… It devalues the car. Well, it's like what are you giving me a 12% discount for? My pink shirt? And what do I really need to ask for? So you never really know how far you can go with those guys.

Yep. I don't look at how they act like they're giving you the in. Like, hey, all these other customers customers i certainly didn't do this for them this isn't what they tell me to do with everyone who walks in the door yeah but you but you i got a feeling about you sometimes i ask for a discount just to try like some things like furniture are often discounted and we recently bought furniture that was already on sale and uh this is how the conversation went i I'm like, you know, like we decided what we wanted and we agreed on it. It was a fair amount because we got a couple of pieces. And she's like,

all right, you know, this is how much it is. I was like, I hear you. What can you do for me? And she's like, well, it's already on sale. I said, I hear you, but I'm charming. What's my price? And just like that. And she's like, well, I'll ask my manager. And she comes back and she got like whatever, 8% off on top of the sale. That works with almost everything. If you're buying a gun, you always say, can you do a little better on the price? That's all you have to do.

You just keep asking that question until they seem like they're getting tired of you and aren't really giving you the same amount of attention. Then you're kind of at rock bottom there. Then you pull out your gun. Yeah. Your other gun. You about you buy my gun for a discount if there's a group of people who are more happy to see you pull a gun on them it's it's the guys who work at a gun store they would love for you to pull a gun on them they daydream about it all day it's

their job you're here to rob me oh that's hilarious. He's like getting the money. Oh, wait till Dave comes out of the back and sees you. He's got his AK. He'll never leave the parking lot. Like, no, no. Those guys would love that shit. There's a lot of little tricks you can do to get discounts. Like you can just lie about being in the military.

That works in a lot of places. Oh, man, that's low. I've never done that but you know i i know one person who has not a friend an acquaintance but goes around i had a friend will be like do you have a military discount and they'll be like most places are just like yeah but if they're like can i see your id is just like oh well as luck would have it you know left it back at headquarter at hq court at HQ. Arthur? I had a friend. Now, he was in the military, but he asked for military

discounts on everything. And he would get frustrated if there wasn't one. We went to lawnmower races, right? Hopped up lawnmowers on a dirt track. And he's like, you know, tickets $8 to get in? Is there a military discount on this? And they're like, no, there's no

military, like it's just a couple guys doing lawnmower races. And he's like, what? No military discount? It's like you entitled son of a bitch. You know, there was no war at the time. I don't know. You get paid. That's just my take yeah wasn't it enough to go off and fight and sustain an injuries to protect this way of life the lawnmower racing way of life that's your reward lawnmower racing is in and of itself the reward give me another good i want a hard one one that i have to you know stew over for a minute not

these quick easy asshole pussy you know okay well i'll try this one it's on scan it looks okay am i the asshole for telling a friend i didn't like him interfering in my hangouts with my best friend so my best friend and i go to the gym together religiously every day. We both have only worked out with each other for the last year and developed a niche. Niche? This guy is just an asshole, period. Niche? There's a lot more.

It's just the way he's talking about his daily gym habits. Yeah, life partner. I mean. We know each other's schedules, each other's working weight, et cetera. All of a sudden, our other friend, who we both mutually liked and hung out with in the past, joins the gym. This friend doesn't like working out, but is only there to hang out with the two of us. Nope. He's messing up our niche because he uses significantly less weight than each of us.

Pussy! And we end up spending an extra 10 to 15 minutes on every exercise generally. So I tell my friend, best friend and I have worked out together for a year and we have a routine and a schedule I like hanging out with you but I don't like working out with you I don't like working out with people best friend is the exception you're kind of ruining the flow plus you barely work out when you're here you're only here to hang out I told him this in private am I the asshole nope no working out so so like working out and sticking to a schedule

like if you actually need to work out like if you're If it's if it's part of what keeps you going like some some people get depressed if they don't work out some people get really Fat and ruin their lives if they don't work out working out can be pretty important to people There's been parts and there's been times in my life where it's like, yeah, my workout got fucked out today. I don't feel the same. I can't sleep tonight. Something like that could happen. So I can understand how it could be really important to you. And everything you said there makes sense.

It did seem like they were taking it a little bit too seriously with his workout part and all, but they got a whole thing going. That's part of your, yeah. And this other guy who's coming into the group, it doesn't matter if it's working out or playing a sport thing going. And this other guy who's coming into the group, it doesn't matter if it's working out or playing a sport or whatever. He's not taking it as seriously as they are.

And he needed to be told, you're not an asshole. I don't think anyone's an asshole here. I think the other guy's just not going to fit in your workout group. But I don't mind that the other guy... It seems like... My issue would be that the other guy doesn't have the same intensity and isn't taking it as seriously as we are.

But I've never minded taking weight off for somebody. I'm often the one who would need weight taken off for me. If I'm working out with somebody who's benching 225 for reps, we're going to take that shit off so I can lift. But I've never minded that. It's quick. And it's part of the workout, can lift. I've never minded that. It's quick. It's part of the workout, changing the weights. I never minded that at all. Unless this guy is

just a total anchor on their leg. He says it's taking 10 or 20 minutes per exercise longer. That's hyperbole. They're not spending six hours at the gym every day because weakling Willie can't lift the

fucking five pound weight but I I started off the paragraph being like oh this is the guy who's probably like 28 years old and still is like my friend and I do this but my best friend it's like Christ but by the end I'm kind of on his side but let's be overreacting a bit you know like it's not that big extra ten minutes to help someone who just started working. He's not lifting as much because he's doing out of spite. He just can't.

Help him get to your level, or at least close enough to make it workable. What are we looking at here? Donald Trump led in airtime tonight at the Republican debate, speaking more than double the amount of time as some others. It looks like he got 11 minutes and 14 seconds of total air time.

His second place was Bush with 8 minutes and 48, so far exceeding them all. I don't know who most of these people are. That's the point. So is that a show for you, my friend? We really appreciate you coming on. Yeah, yeah. I do have to jump off here

because I'm going to be a few minutes late for dinner. What time zone are you guys in? Eastern. Oh, wow. It's quite late for you. Yeah, we'll be up for a couple more hours. No rest for the wicked. Well, thank you guys for having me on. I appreciate it.

I enjoyed the am I an asshole part. Yeah, it's fun. Thanks for coming on. We're big fans of your product. We love pushing it I enjoyed the am I an asshole part. Yeah, it's fun. Thanks, David. Well, thanks for coming on. We're big fans of your product. We love pushing it to our loyal viewers. Yeah, and hook me up with some hair gel, dude.

We will do. We will do that for sure. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it. All right. Thank you. Catch you later. Bye.

All right. So what were we just talking about a second ago before? Trump led in airtime. Oh, yeah. I think that's a harbinger of good things to come. I think that means there's going to be some good highlights from this debate. I'm looking forward to checking that out probably after the show tonight or in the morning. I got to pee.

But after I get back, I want to talk about Rocket Jump. That's not the fucking name, is it? Rocket League, right? Rocket League. It's a game, so he needs to go. There we go. Another giant hit of your Adderall sticks. I want to see that.

I'll do that when I get back. I got a piece so fucking bad, I didn't want to leave you guys with him. I'll be right back. Actually, before I leave, I got a little something I want to tell everyone about Dollar Shave Club. If you listen to our show, you've heard us talking about dollarshaveclub.com for a while now. We love the razors.

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That's dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. Oh, you'll wish you had sooner. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. Oh, you know what? I forgot to ask which version he used on his genitals. He probably also does the humble twin, since the Mach 10 is a little intense down there. But yeah, he's a cool guy. I had no idea the dude in the commercial was the CEO. We didn't know that until just before the show.

Like that was a question I had for Chiz. Because the dude in the commercial does a pro-level job. So you wonder like is he a pro or what the scoop is. But yeah, it turns out he's the actual CEO. And it was interesting to hear that he had it. Oh, well, shucks. I made a mistake. and it was interesting to hear that he had it well shucks I made a mistake I'm doing the layout while talking to you and I screwed it up so I'll do it again

yeah oh he had a marketing background and when I heard that or an advertising background it all made sense it's like that's why because i i feel like he's in an industry where the product is important but it's it's almost a commodity you know like it it matters that your product is good but it really really matters that you can get noticed i feel like if i invented a razor that was just as good nobody would buy it and um and it's you know so to see him like oh yeah he comes from advertising he comes from marketing well that makes sense that explains why he does so well there yeah because they have other like similar companies that do the same thing like one of them

one of the podcasts that i listened to probably shouldn't advertise his competitors they ever they what i i was interrupting you and therefore silencing you let's work on that tonight um i thought you were going to mention one of his competitors i was like i don't want to do that oh no i was going to say that there is one but they mention it and it's not even like dollar shave club and that you only pay a little bit it's like one of those like delivered to your door but like those fancy razors have you seen those razor stores at the mall where it's like some coiffed douche standing behind a counter and a bunch of old-fashioned old-timey razors where it's like hey it looks like you could have a good shave and they got a dickish mustache and it's like trying to sell you a hundred dollar straight razor that like they use

in murder movies like how they're trying to turn it into like a fancy thing like just like dollar shave club just let us shave real quick get it done i don't want to think about it all day and be like oh can't wait to use my you know 1821 first edition george washington razor when i get home you know like i actually fell for that i am i didn't i did that's why i'm i fell for it too at one point which is why i'm bitter towards it now i didn't get a hundred dollar straight razor but um i got something like before the safety razor that it uses actual razor blades that you swap out and uh i think it was called the merkle or something like that and i tried it for a while and i don't know it might be that my skin is more difficult to shave or it might be that I just never developed the talent

but I just cut myself to pieces all the time and then it like bad enough that I wasn't fully healed for the next shave and after what I was like I had to take a while off and then I get longer hairs it was just painful it felt like they were grabbing a lot and and I'm reading about it and they're telling me like oh no you need to buy like this lather so i do and get like a fucking beaver fur brush to rub it on which i did and you know like i'm heating it i'm doing i've got this whole elaborate routine and it's not better the dollar shade club stuff actually you just rub it on and it works and everything is fine and the one that i got it wasn't even the one where you switch the razors out it was the one that

like you open it and then you like hold it like that you know like a knife you know and yeah basically and i never once cut myself because every time i shaved with it it was like a damn near panic attack of like oh j, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Rub them on my face. Did I get the right cream? Did I use my feline whiskers correctly to whip it up on my face? But every little forum I read about it, this was a few years ago, was like, oh, I just feel so relaxed while I'm shaving.

It's just like satisfying, you know? No, it's really panic-induc inducing when you get to your adam's apple and you're trying to shake as you move this razor down thinking that your family members are going to walk in and find you oh my god it's a murder oh no he's just a hipster idiot you're doing like shaving with a straight razor huh straight razor yeah it's a very close shake but at some point it's like it's close enough like can we do a test kyle would you say one two three mic check four times and while he's doing it taylor would you say anything one two three mic check one two three mic check one two three one two one one one one one one one one one one yeah i'm totally going over him right yeah i don't know

if you guys hear it the same way I do. Yeah, I totally do. Yeah, at will, I can silence Taylor. All I have to do is kind of make a humming noise. I do it a lot. It's really low. But Taylor will start talking, and I'll just go, and it totally knocks him out. Nobody notices.

It's great. Taylor, looking at your interface, can you tell me if the gain's turned all the way up? The gain is 100 hundred percent up right now Okay, are there any other dials? Is there like a volume or like is it? Line USB there's a main mix Yeah, I only have other than the headphones and mic I only have three other dials let's Only three other dials. It seems like a lot.

Let's test the mix one. I'm not sure what that – it might mix what comes from your speakers versus your mic. All right. It's all the way now. Okay. It's all the way in one direction. So I'm going to talk sort of senselessly for a second or two. Can you say something while I talk like this without a stop?

I'm not popping up on the thing, though. I'm turning it all the way down. All right, here I am talking over you. I certainly are. Talk over me. I'm sorry. I didn't even hear. It's happened in the past, but it's more extreme tonight.

And I'm guessing, for people that know, Taylor missed last week because he was moving. And something must have changed. Because it's worse than ever. Hmm. I don't know what the deal is. Hitting buttons on this thing. You know? Like, I don't want to fuck with it too much.

Do you have a button that says, like, instrument mic on it or something like that? That you need to toggle the other way? button that says like instrument mic on it or something like that that you need to toggle the other way i'm going to toggle everything that can be toggled one at a time okay nope that turned it off all right so we're not gonna was that the one i asked for no that one doesn't exist on here yeah i've just got two line USBs and one to track maybe that changed something here I'll talk for a second and we can do the same mic check that we did before I can nothing fucking nothing I think I because I always take special care not to move these dials at all like the from the first day that i set all this stuff up with

you on the podcast i only touch ones when you tell me to i do not touch these dials they are stagnant let's try this um are you using a Windows machine? I think you are, right? Yep. Go to Tools, Options. Sorry for this extended mic talk, guys. I didn't know it would be this long. Tools, Options, Audio Settings. And then under Microphone, there's a checkbox that says Automatically Adjust Microphone Settings. I'd like that unchecked.

What is its current state? It was checked. Okay. So so let's see let's uncheck it and let's slide it to the right to give you a little more power maybe three maybe three quarters oh you guys aren't gonna be able to handle me all right it's it was already at three quarters, so now it's all the way down. That made it worse. Let's try half.

Three quarters, please. And it's back to where it was. Well, that wasn't the fix, but it's certainly better than the other two things we tried, so let's leave it there. All right. Yeah, I'll look up and see what's going on with this, because people have to hear me. It's unacceptable.

It does sound better right now, actually. I feel like there's been an improvement. That's good. Couldn't have got worse. Yeah, every time I said something, I do notice that it's just like yeah yeah gone oh it didn't work that time really it didn't work here now now you try your one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen four i guess it did work ah i almost wish you guys could carry the show for just maybe three four minutes while i I Google? Can we pretend I went for coffee?

Let's pretend. Kyle? Yes? I want one of your am I the asshole stories. Huh, okay. Let me try to think here. I'll try to be quick about this. Something I'm trying to think about a situation. A lot of these I'm thinking about. I'm like, yeah, you were the asshole.

I'm trying to think about one that's a little more ambiguous. Usually I kind of am the asshole. Okay. That I might have been an asshole. So I was very young at a PetSmart, and they had a bunch of treats, dog laid out in like a weird like i'm like they were trying to make it look like it was human you know when they try and make animal food look human like oh my god it's like a buffet of shit and there were oreos that looked exactly

like real oreos but they were dog oreos and i was very young so i didn't even think about it like it was all laying out so i just grabbed some took home, forgot about them for a bit. And then I thought it would be funny one day before school if I would put those into a plastic bag and bring them and give them to someone there, telling them that they were Oreos. The only thing about them that didn't look like Oreos is that it didn't say Oreo. It had a paw instead. It had like dog bone or something on there. Not bright enough to keep a child away though and so i brought him to school there are only like five or six of them in there like it was a little tiny snack bag gave it to my friend and of course at that age like anytime now like if someone showed up and was like hey you

want this bag of oreos i'd be like that's weird if you brought a big bag of oreos and you were eating some and you offered me a couple that would make sense but why did you pack me a big bag of Oreos and you were eating some and you offered me a couple, that would make sense. But why did you pack me a snack bag of Oreos? Are all of those for me? Oh, yes. They're all for you. Well, that doesn't make sense. Oh, I'm full of Oreos. I just want to sit here and watch you eat them.

So who did you give the Oreos to? It was me and my best friend and then the kid that kind of hung out with us. We were only in second or third grade or something so like the kid that went in doubt kind of teased him a bit to get the best friend to like me more and he best friend teased that kid so i gave him the oreos and he ate all of them like i don't know what they tasted like but they must be oreos he thought like this is my final in my final initiation to eat these oreos and so he ate all of them and he became violently sick like i probably three to five hours later like just like a teacher to go to the bathroom over and over like going in there staying in there Teacher had to keep going out and check on him.

And six years ago, he either, like, went home early from school or his mom, like, rushed because they got a call of, like, oh, your son's been, like, in the bathroom all day. Maybe he has, like, constipation problems or something. Just come pick him up real quick. And so I don't think he figured out that it was because I gave him, effectively, a lot of dog food. Yeah. But I don't – it could make me it was because I gave him, effectively, a lot of dog food. Yeah. But I don't, it could make me an asshole because I did it knowingly, but I don't think. I'm going to give you a pass because you're in the second grade. You know, you're seven.

So I figure, you know, it's okay to feed dog food to kids. I did worse things when I was seven. I'm trying to think of some seven-year-old me stuff. I remember, I don't know know i got in trouble for weird shit when i was in school it was always something where like i didn't think i was doing anything wrong like when i would get caught and then get in trouble it wasn't like oh they got me it was like really this is a rule yeah this dude like what the fuck like i gotta hey i gotta plead ignorance here miss thurman like i didn't know that we couldn't break an icicle off the bottom

of a car right i thought that that would be acceptable behavior that's that i almost got suspended in elementary school because i did that there was a car it was a it was a cold winter's morning there was an icicle that had you know grown off the sort of bottom fender of the car i go in trouble uh there was another time i flushed the urinal uh when i was in fourth grade with my foot because it was covered in piss because we're in the fourth grade like there were kids running around with their pants around their ankles just pissing everywhere like it's a free-for-all in there flush it with my foot big trouble they call my parents in my dad's like i flush it with my

foot too what the hell another time i did that thing where you put glue all over your hands and make gloves the gloves were made like there wasn't even a mess huge trouble huge trouble all parents had to be called in um one time i accidentally brought a 22 caliber bullet to school uh in my pocket they melted down over there we're talking about first grade here second grade second grade i'm like hey look at this oh my god like like big trouble over that uh one another time uh my dad's zippo was in my pocket because we'd been burning stuff the day before on the weekend huge trouble like every time some little thing like that would happen they just they hated me i really think i had teachers in elementary school who really singled me out and fucked with me for for really no reason i got in trouble on the first day of kindergarten for saying penis uh i got in trouble one of the

like the next week for putting glue all over the weird kids chair because i got back from recess earlier because i had to pee uh i remember my first day of kindergarten also briefly before the the penis incident as they say i got i went to the bathroom and i got in a stall by myself to pee so i didn't have urinals which is weird and like standing there in my little like five or six year old brain i was like it just hit me i'm like i'm at you're at school now you're a big boy your parents aren't gonna see what you do right now and so i peed all over the inside stall walls and the back behind the toilet just thinking like oh being an adult you know what is life you know just just in all over the place and i felt a

little guilty afterward but i was like no i'm sure all the kids are doing it you know i'm sure everybody's you know kind of embracing freedom on the first day like when college kids go crazy the kindergarten craze you know you get that little first taste of freedom but colin got in trouble uh and i was we were really upset with the school was one of the many reasons that this school was awful but um it was during lunchtime and he was saying shit but he wasn't he was saying chips which is what we call this meal jackie makes something that has it's like a scoopable tostito with a chicken in the middle and cheese and and he was saying something about chips and he was mispronouncing it as shit and the school

went bonkers over it they made a real big deal they sent him to the principal's office he doesn't know why he's being punished I am they might need killing those people are assholes well that that went zero to 60 yeah I just feel like they spent a good you know like seven or eight months before we pulled them out just like being totally uh uncompromising and not understanding on this thing with a kid that clearly has some sort of disability you know and and by the way it's like a receptive and expressive speech thing and they're like nailing them for bad words just going bonkers over it and uh and then they would find other issues like i think he uh i want to say ate paper but not like large amounts of paper or anything like you tear it out and there'd be like you tear out

a spiral notebook and you get those little tabs of paper um i'll admit popping one of those things in your mouth not something every kid does but in jump pens in kindergarten not something no one else does either but with him fucking off to the principal's office making him sit there trying to get him to explain his craziness because he was popping in little pieces paper to i'm like boys eat paper fucking chill on this thing and they're going to the mat over this thing like this is a safety issue we can't allow it fuck i don't know i i hated them and i felt like they picked on colin hmm that sucks sometimes there is a good reason to get a child in trouble i remember uh we were on the playground when we were younger and this wasn't me or even in my grade it was like

the grade one or two above us and we like nowadays they have like the mulch uh flooring for all the the playground equipment and shit that's really soft more yielding or the rubber artificial stuff we had wood chips and not like little wood chips like these were giant shards of wood that were often very sharp and all the boys of course they go through phases on the playground we'll be like oh this week we're all astronauts. This week we're medieval warriors. And so it's this team versus this team. We're trying to take over the slide or whatever it is, which is really the east wing of the castle.

And everybody was mostly pretending, kind of like you had to move your hands really close together to hit them together like swords. And one kid, Jared, still remember Jared, he was such an ass, he left the school. This other kid, Travis, who was like different like in the special learning area and jared like like he had seen it in a prison movie just went up with the wood chip and just went ah like right into this kid's gut and i actually punctured him a couple times like not bad but bad enough that it should have happened at recess. So she just punctured this kid,

and then Travis started freaking out and crying and running over to the teacher. They thought he was overreacting at first, but then you could see little tiny little blotches of blood through the shirt that he was wearing. He shanked him! Yeah, he shanked this kid. Wow.

My memory's making it seem like he hit him like nine or ten times. Taylor, you did grow up right outside Ferguson, right? Oh, yeah. You know, Ferguson High. Yeah, but that's something you should get in trouble for. You shouldn't stab children. I'm willing to take a stand on that. That's a bold stance, Taylor.

I've been looking up Skype stuff. So Skype doesn't do what's called full duplex. Full duplex would mean that your channels and mine can all happen at the same time back and forth. Instead, it is half duplex, which means one person talks at a time. It's usually not this big a deal. It's half duplex, but it juggles it so well that Kyle and I aren't stepping each other. For some reason, this week we silenced Taylor with the sound of me like breathing or typing on a keyboard or something like it.

And they say that it's based on how loud he is, but you've seen us modify all his other settings. Yeah. It's usually never this bad. Like even now I can tell that you kind of overlay Kyle a little bit, but it's noticeable, but very slightly. But I'm just getting blown out by both of you completely. I have an idea.

I think maybe next week we should try WebEx, that Cisco thing we use for Hangouts. I'm not sure it'll be great. I think it might support full duplex, and we'll just move to a new tech. We pay for it anyway so that we can do the Google Hangouts. Yeah. So, but I, yeah, there's all sorts of timing stuff. I feel like I can't even laugh at a joke because it ends the joke. Oh, hey, Rocket League.

Yeah. So we started playing Rocket League. That's the game that Heather's Gamer Tag's brother made, and I was pretty skeptical, I think, at first. For one thing, I was like, oh, so a friend of ours has invented a game, and it's the best game ever. Sure, okay.

But then I realized that this is kind of a big deal, this game. I start seeing it's got its own subreddit that's very active and big. I start seeing all these highlight GIFs and stuff. And then we finally downloaded the thing and played it. I think it was $20 on Steam. And one of the other cool things is we're playing with people

who are playing it on PlayStation Network. So there's people on their PlayStation 4s playing against us over on Steam. And basically you drive a souped-up race car that has jump and boost abilities uh... that are limited and you're in a giant uh... sort of soccer arena hitting a really big ball of uh... back and forth and trying to score on each other and there's you know there's time limit and there's all these bonuses for getting blocks

and for like juggling the ball and for getting like bicycle not kicks but bicycle hits on the ball and uh... it's really really fun and addictive. You're constantly unlocking stuff for your car, the jet stream behind it, the paint scheme, the wheels, the antenna. Like I said, at first I was skeptical, didn't think it would be fun, but I really enjoyed playing it. I'm terrible at it. I really am very bad.

But luckily Chiz is an all-star, it seems. He'll get like four or five goals a game so he carries me quite well we um it seems to have hit that magical target that cod often aims for in that it's quick to learn and difficult to master like when i see what these people are doing in highlight gifts like you can use a boost to keep yourself elevated and go across the whole field fly people are doing aerial type stuff and they jump they turn around they boost and and what i think is a car they're practically using as a spaceship and the ball is so bouncy that that's actually a real talent it's not like

a hockey puck that stays on the ground the whole time it it beach ball it's it's always bouncing bouncing a lot out of sight like off the ceiling that you know it's all encapsulated so you can't hit the ball out of the the court or the field so you know it'll bounce right off the ceiling and come straight down and and people are knocking the fuck out of it so it's from one side of the field to the other it exists in a glass dome typically and and being able to step up your aerial game is a big deal. And yeah, you go in there and within a game or two, you're a player. You're doing your thing. But I've seen what good players do and that's not what I do at all.

It's a lot of fun. So it's pretty cool. Yeah. Chiz is a good gamer. Chiz was an achievement hunter for a long time. Like one of the, I don't know what his achievement score is, but I think it's over 100,000. And yeah, just during that time,

I feel like now I could hand him any game. You know, it doesn't matter if it's Worms, Mount Your Friends, Rocket League, or Call of Duty. Medieval, Warrior, warrior war game whatever that was with the swords and shields chiz just quickly excels at games and nine times out of ten he's better than both of us and he's almost always better than me and uh at everything it's very very frustrating um it like what was that game when we were like these little characters running on a side scroller

yeah it was like speedrun or something like yeah yeah the speedrunner game he got so good at that so quickly like all of a sudden his character would do this would would be like spider-man around a corner instead of stopping and like jumping the other direction he would swing around the corner and he was just he quickly gets really good at the games we play quicker than i do generally and it's very frustrating yes i was going to curse him out just now it's tough and like we're gamers too like we have thousands of hours in various games i have been playing games since i was a teenager and younger and it's i'm not just random you know i i'm the guy that in my circle people go to to beat the hard section you know like if i'm at someone's house and they can't

get fucking spongebob bikini bottom past this hard part they give me the controller but like jesus the guy i give the controller to you think that he goes ahead of when you guys are scheduled to play games and learns them? No, he has done that before. He's familiarized himself with it. But he doesn't always do that. And it's one of those things where I'll go in and practice because I'm tired of him kicking my ass. And it'll help a little, but it still often won't matter. my ass and it it it'll it'll help a little but it still often won't matter like and he's off he's usually like i'll get online and i'm like i'm gonna get some practice when chiz is an online

and then he's like hey you want to play and it's like fuck now he gets better too so i gotta play off hours just to get better than which is just now i'm turning gaming into a whole fucking job just to beat chiz civ is one of the few games that we hang with each other with uh like just really neck and neck. Pretty much everything else, it's a bitch to play with. It's interesting. I would say that Kyle has put more effort

into getting good than Chiz has, yet they're comparable skill levels. Yeah. Yeah. For whatever reason, in the live streams, Chiz doesn't seem to be hanging, and you even won one.

Sometimes just shit happens early, and if you're playing with good people, Chiz doesn't seem to be hanging and you even won one. Sometimes this shit happens early and if you're playing with good people, it's very unforgiving. You can get away with some little mistakes if you're playing against random people, but when we're playing and those streams get filthy and they know where they're going from step one. And if something

changes, they take the optimal route. They talk about the power band on an engine. It's best to be in that power band, and they always are in the power band. They're not flatlining for a few dozen turns or anything like we might. Sometimes I'm just like, oh, well, the whole thing I was aiming toward from the beginning with that religion and all that money, that's just not going to work.

Now we've got to get population. You just stop and change your focus. Those guys don't do that. I think he's had a couple bad games. I might never play Civ again. Fuck that game. What were you saying, Taylor? Do you still play that stupid Civ game every day?

Not every day. Woody Chiz and I played about a week and a half ago or something like that. We live streamed it. That was the first time I played about a week and a half ago or something like that. We live streamed it and that was the first time I played in about two weeks. So in the last month I've probably only played two games of it. But I've just been busy. I've been working

a lot. Good. There are things you can accomplish in life that don't include Civ. I can't wait until you all grow past this Civ thing. I can't believe Woody gave back in like a drug. It was just ends. I can't believe what he gave back in. It was his idea.

It wasn't exactly my idea. You keep saying that. What really happened? I planted a seed and you took it. Is that what really happened? Oh, my God, you bastard. I didn't even know. He has been playing this. It was it.

I remember that, too. I don't remember the seed, but I do know this. Kyle was it. I remember that too. I don't remember the C, but I do know this. Kyle has been, we were live streaming. And typically when we live stream, Kyle just playing and being himself. But this night he interacted with the chat,

you know, and the chat was asking Kyle questions, my questions, et cetera. We were playing together and I did not know that you told them to request sieve because they requested requested Civ nonstop. It was a fucking play Civ or Riot situation. No, it wasn't.

I told them to say Civ. I manufactured a vocal minority. Because I wanted to play some Civ. What were we playing at the time? Oh, we were playing Worms. I was just tired of Worms. I wanted to play some Civ. So I gave in to what I thought was the crowd, not Kyle.

We played Civ. My stream watchers left because the game is shit. I, uh, at one point, so I, I, God, we've even talked about this particular game before. So in fast forward, here's the deal. It turns out Kyle and Chiz scouted much more quickly than I did, which meant all the barbarians spawn near me because they spawn in the clouds. I'm getting fucked in the ass by barbarians for the first hundred turns. I can't possibly win. It's just awful. Chiz like plants a city right next to my capital as close as the game will allow and acts like that's

not an act of aggression or anything he sends a scout or no way an archer around the back also not an act of aggression and i'm like fuck it i'm attacking chiz not because i think i can win because i'm fucked in the ass by barbarians all game but because i can't lose i will either one beat chiz unlikely but possible or, not have to play anymore. Also a win. He suicided himself about an hour or so into the game, and that was that. Suicided? So, like, escaped the game?

Basically, yeah, yeah, pretty much. He basically, like, started some ridiculous war with Chiz that he wasn't prepared for. Chiz was like, okay, war it is, and killed him. Then it was just Chiz and I left. We never did finish that, but I feel like we're so neck and neck. I don't know who would win. I love that game.

I feel like if you tried it, Taylor, you would like it. I don't know why Woody doesn't like it. I really don't. To me, it's so rewarding those wins uh that i just i crave it and i really like the part of the game when i'm doing better than everyone else and they fear me i like that part i like when it's like everybody's like well uh just don't fuck with kyle or he'll destroy you i like that i like when i've gotten ahead and i can cruise and i'm not a real i'm not very warlike like Like, I'll get my advantage and I

often won't use it. I'll let other people fuck with each other, but... I don't know. I like... You get those feelings from any video game. And you don't have to spend 10, 12 hours... I'm telling you. This is like... This is like crack. It's so much better. It's a better high.

Like, you win a Call of Duty game and it's like, yeah, we fucking beat you. Even if there's something on the line where they've been talking shit, and you've been like, no, you don't even understand how good we are. We were using fucking Scorpions. Now we're using M16s. And you push their shit in, and half of them leave the lobby, and their last friend remains.

You talk shit to him. That's a good victory in Call of Duty. But in this game, each victory, to me, is much better than that. And there are moments in the game when, like, there are wonders that you can only build during certain eras. Like, you have to get so far in the tech before you can

even start building this thing. And once you've constructed it, it's going to help you a lot. And so there's a race to get it. And my heart will be racing whenever I'm, like, five turns, four turns, three turns away from building Petra or something like that. And I'm worried Chiz is going to steal it from me. You've got to be psyched when you're about to build Petra on a truck. I know how it sounds.

You play Magic the Gathering. How many decks do you have? Like five. Okay, don't even start. Okay, it's a video game. He's like, five's not a lot. That's what he's thinking. I like that game, but just the other day,

I played with quite a few people. Like, just have a few beers and play some Magic. Like, it was a fun, immediate, like, you're talking shit there's diplomacy going on you want to be the guy that everybody fears right before i throw down my turn five petra or whatever nonsense you were talking about in civ and guess what the longest game of magic one-on-one you're gonna have is like 90 minutes and that is stretching it so far most of them are done in 20 to 30 so you can get a a ton of games in. You don't have to invest all your

time into like, well, if I lose this game, then 8 hours was lost. I don't see it that way, though. When I lose a game, I don't feel like it's a total loss because there's a real journey to get to the end of the game. You can go through the same technologies, the same buildings repeatedly, and over time you just

get better. Each loss is a learning experience. I lost a lot of times before I figured out the correct build order same buildings repeatedly and over time you just get better like like each loss is is kind of a is a learning experience so like i lost a lot of times before i figured out the correct build order and you know what to do i don't know i i like the game a lot i feel like there's so much to there's so it's like what he was saying earlier it's it's it's pretty easy to kind of get the hang of and be able to beat the game on uh like it's easy difficulty or even it's normal difficulty against the AI but to really get good and to beat other players who like

you know try is I don't know there's just so much to learn so much to master so much to know going in and then bearing in mind that it's not the same game every time you it's a different game every time you play based on which Civ you're playing as I don't know I love that game Woody hates that game you would like magic if you just gave it a fair shake and not just been like

oh fucking nerds and didn't think it was i was hey hey i'll give magic a chance i was only pointing out the hypocrisy of someone with five magic decks making fun of my petra no i was making fun of it because of the way you mentioned it as though i would know what it means like if i was like and then on like turn eight well i described it i felt like i prefaced the whole thing by saying you know i love that i can talk over you can't even do anything it's like you're a caller calling into my show i'm just like, fuck you! I'm so sorry, Taylor. I feel responsible for it. I'm not even sure it's on my end.

It's just Skype, I think, because this has happened. It's got better. It's got worse when none of us have really changed anything. Sometimes it's hardly noticeable at all. Other times it's been like this or worse where I just... Offline, let's schedule a um a test with webex and see if that solves the problem yeah i like webex um it's a little it looks a little clunky but in practice it seems to do everything we need it to do yeah and um in my

dreams it adds some new capability like for people who don't know, here's the thing. The reason we don't do Skype calls is that it's really difficult to hide the number on Skype. I mean to say prank calls. If I were to do a prank call now, it would almost assuredly show it. It's hard. It's going to take the two images,

Taylor and Kyle, and move them off the boxes and fuck everything up. Yeah, all of a sudden, the Dairy queen we're calling becomes part of the podcast. Like they're a host now too. You know, it's, it's, it's a problem.

Yeah. And by the way, like adding and subtracting hosts, you guys remember when we subtracted house tonight, the people watching this, it takes me like five minutes to like get the scene all set up properly and stuff. Again,

maybe with WebEx we can get past those issues and add prank calls back and stuff. What is WebEx? It's a video conferencing product by Cisco. I only know it because I work there, really. But it is one of the more popular ones. We use it for the hangouts where the Patreons come and we all just get in a big call like

this and hang out for an hour. We will have a dozen people in there all on video conferencing. It works pretty smoothly. Google has a limit. I think it might be 10 people, but it's effectively eight or seven because there's two or three of us there and that wasn't enough. So we switched to WebEx, which can handle, I don't even know what the cap is, hundreds of people. And I don't know.

Since we pay for it anyway, we should try it for the regular show and see how it compares. Because this Skype shit is, you can see its flaws. Mostly that it quiets you. I feel like the video quality over on WebEx, like the quality that I get when I'm looking at your camera, I can't speak to what it would be like in your recording but like you look better on webex you look like you're

more frames uh better quality like the whole thing i look even better on webex yeah yeah you need to switch kyle quick question what the fuck are you doing to look so good i swear to god you look better than you did three years ago you are are anti-aging. This is bullshit. You are thinner. You are stronger. Asshole. I moisturize. That's really what I do.

Do you really think that's it? Just moisturizing? Yeah. Get some Dove men's facial lotion every day. Get yourself a little pump. Rub it in real good. I'm on Amazon right now. Dove men's Facial Lotion. Are you pulling my leg? SPF 15 in there, so technically I'm always wearing sunscreen now. I rub it on

the back of my neck too because I feel like that's the part of my body that's like traditionally gotten the worst beating, like when I'm out filming in fields or... Is it called Dove Men care face wash hydrate um it's a it's a short cylinder with a little pump on top and it's gray hmm so dove men's facial lotion i'm gonna give you a link are you sure it's not a drug or something like you've even lost weight this facial shit isn't making you lose weight um i kind of lose weight at will i kind of make a decision and just do it this is horse shit i so the other people that kyle lives with not having perfect health issues i believe it's some sort of dark magic in which he's sucking away their health

this is the stuff i use although this is a face wash it looks similar here i'm gonna poor kiddies in a wheelchair meanwhile kyle gets sexier every fucking year it's horseshit i uh i don't know i i don't particularly eat well um i won't try that you look very for a 34 year old yeah right uh i think this is the stuff you want link i use uh i use an under eye cream at night sometimes uh i use a clay mask it's like volcanic um really yeah it's like this volcanic clay stuff it's um it was actually really expensive i felt kind of silly buying it but it's it comes in this little jar and it's like you get a little thing in that clay and this is expensive too so 18 bucks for a for a couple for like less than four ounces of this stuff?

For three ounces? You should feel silly. You spent almost $20 on literally a cup of dirt. Are you sure this is the right stuff? I don't think it comes in a pump or anything. I feel like I should have a... I think these are two pumps you're getting. 1.69 fluid ounces is very little.

You use a pump every day. I've went through like two of these things in a couple of months. Can you get it from your bathroom and confirm that it's really 1.69? Yeah, I'll get the whole regimen. I'll be right back. Ah, yes. You know what? People might think this isn't a good topic, but this is how to get sexy like Kyle.

That's true, but it's also a way to waste a lot of money on what I'm convinced are just skeevy products that don't actually do anything. Like a Dove Care face lotion revitalize. I don't understand why he's using these. He already looks young, not because of these, just because he's 29 years old. This is too early to start these regimens.

He's going to go crazy when he hits like i don't know god forbid your age and he looks like dirt for half a century very few live to 7 000 true yeah um yeah i just i don't know like i i uh he it if you see him in person he looks even better than on camera. He's a cutie. It's horseshit. Utter and complete horseshit. He doesn't eat right. He's not exercising.

And he's sexy as fuck. He doesn't eat right, but he does that thing that people who are generally fit do where they talk up. They're eating. do where they talk up their eating like if you see someone who's a big fat fatty and they're talking about what they eat they're gonna play it down because they've normalized the 15 enchiladas a day someone like kyle when he eats 15 enchiladas he'll be like oh my god i ate so much yesterday and then people are like oh jesus eat whatever you want all the time not gaining a pound like that's because it's that's the exception to the. That's the exception to the rule. It's the exception to the rule, and it's probably the only meal that day. Yeah, exactly. All right.

Now that says hydrate, and this says revitalize. I think you nearly put me on the wrong track. Well, I got it here now. Now we know. So this is the lotion I use. Like I said, SPF 15. How big is the package? 1.69 ounces.

But it lasts a long time. You know, a pump a day. Hey, let's apply some. I want to see the full process. Is anyone else a little turned on? It's your way to work. We're watching Kyle get some lotion out of the bottle. He's rubbing it in his hands pretty nice.

He's going to apply his hands pretty nice. He's going to apply it. Remember not to do it tonight. God forbid you put two pumps in one day. You look too young. Yeah. Hit the areas where maybe you think you're getting some wrinkles. I like to make sure I hydrate this area through here.

Get my forehead really good because I don't want that Ethan Hawke thing that guy's a monster now right he does have some gnarly forehead wrinkles it's disgusting Ethan Hawke has forehead wrinkles I don't even know this we were watching a movie we saw Ethan Hawke and I don't know we were talking about how bad it looked and that was when I bought this stuff

when I saw Ethan Hawke's forehead I've got another thing i don't know if i kyle never had another cigarette since he's no no that was a different situation miracle ultra lift miracles anti-age anti-fatigue night cream so who is this i you didn't show me the uh. Oh, Garnier. Miracle Youth Cream. Come over here, sir. I've got a fine elixir for you. I've also got this.

See, Amazon does this. Just sorry. I'm not keeping up with this. But you can get one for $4.59, or you can get two for $16. That's a a good deal you don't want to lose money on this i feel like i'd rather add two all right so i'm gonna add this this is my this is my face mask this is from kyaku okay i'm not gonna do the face mask because i'm a boy um but you know my dad even my dad does those like uh so it's it's not your jac. It's a face. I'm not going to put this.

No, absolutely not. It's a mineral-rich volcanic mud complex, and it helps to dry out impurities, remove excess oil, and encourage cell renewal. And I use this about once a week. What was the other one, the cream that I didn't see the front of the label? Yeah, so this is Lotus Eye Gel with calming cucumber extract. It reduces puffiness and dark circles.

If I've had a late night to get any sleep, I always like to rock this stuff. Oh my god. That's so funny that you bought mud that's from a volcano. You're like one step away from bloodletting. I love that it's actually called

Lotus Eye Gel for women. Is it really? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I don't give a shit. Oh, and it's actually called Lotus Eye Gel for Women. Is it really? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I don't give a shit. Oh, and it's $48? $48? How much does your entire regiment cost? I don't know.

I don't care. I don't know. I got the stuff I wanted for my face. Wow, they have a larger package for $80. It's so vain. I love that Carly Simon song. You're so vain. I'm like playing

that while I'm doing my chemical peel. Probably think this song is about you. Blow drying. Imagining you putting all that stuff on makes me think of like the first scene in american psycho yeah absolutely i i've seen that scene and been and been like man you got too many steps too many steps that's not good for your skin you're gonna get irritation like he's

doing all those peels and it's like you can't peel every day bro like what are you doing like he had a so what was the one in the blue container? Navy blue. This is the Garnier Ultra Lift Miracle Sleeping Gel. Or Sleeping Cream, excuse me. How do you spell Garnier? G-A-R-N-I-E-R. Oh, you can tell that it's expensive because the way you say it

does not seem like it would. The R is silent. But this is kind of like a night cream type thing. I don't use this terribly often. Yeah. You have to balance looking good with not looking too good. Like people will get suspicious. They'll think, he's a pod person.

I wonder if everybody who lives by volcanoes has figured that out and they all look incredible. They just scoop it up, rub it on their face, and they're good to go. They're paying $40 for some mud from Cleveland or something like that. Yeah, it's from Cleveland, Ohio, USA. They're like, ooh, they've never heard of it before. Exotic. It's Akron's finest mud.

That all may be true. I don't really buy into all those anti-wrinkle, anti-aging scenes, adding collagen and bullshit. That's all bullshit. Collagen injections are the one thing that's not bullshit and show instant real-life results. They make creams

that are supposedly adding collagen. There's lots of silly marketing. I have no idea if that's bullshit. I'm pretty sure that's bullshit. I don't believe in anti-wrinkle anyway. You can just moisturize your skin, make it look nicer. It's like, look at an old pair of leather boots, and they're all wrinkled and cracked,

and then you rub them with oil, and they're silky and smooth again. I feel like that's about as good as you're going to get. So I try to moisturize. Doesn't even look like you try. It looks like you do very well every day. Yeah, look at that smile. Do you do those Crest white strips as well?

No, I have in the past, but no, I don't. I only brush my teeth once a day as well. I put one of those Crest or maybe it wasn't Crest, some brand of those white strips on like four years ago and I fell asleep with it on and I woke up and my teeth felt like

they had nerves. Like just like ah, ah, like tapping it. It hurt. Like I couldn't have cold food for probably a week. I used to use it a lot. It hurt for a week? It not like every time. Like at first it was like my face would grimace from drinking ice

water or something after a couple days like i could still tell though that something had been fucked with like it says on there like leave on for 20 minutes or something so if you have it on for four and a half hours it's it's my fear with the white strips is that my teeth aren't perfectly straight my top teeth are pretty good um not and you're worried that parts of them won't be whitened? Yeah, let's say for example there was a gap like this that will be like a brown strip next to the tooth. Alright, so you don't have to worry about it

because A, the whitening isn't so extreme that you would ever notice it. It's not going to be like painting a black fence white or something. That's not going to occur. So even if that did occur, it wouldn't matter. But also you could use one, they make like a mouth guard type thing that you just put gel in and you put the whole mouth guard in

and I prefer that over the strips because the strips always fall off or they end up up here, like between my gum and my lip or something. And worst scenario is when people introduce their friends to you and be like big this is

woody great guy uh those six teeth on the top left little grody we don't know why crest didn't do their market research for crooked teeth yeah i had braces too but um i've told this before so i'll say it quickly that there was a retainer and it was like a clear plastic thing that fit on instead of the wire yeah and they're much less durable and very much so it broke like two weeks in but the orthodontist he uh he like broke the mold or something so i couldn't just get new ones and uh and that was pretty much two and a half years of braces almost ruined and uh my tops are a little better than they would have been otherwise my teeth are also lined up like i had like my you know that the top break is like split is supposed

to be lined up with the bottom split it's lined up but um it's definitely not what it should be something not what they were where my braces came off and i i feel like i could have used some parental support there you know i'm just a child a teenager in high school and my orthodontist didn't do a quality job i wore fucking braces for there's almost three years and that sucks right like like all the girlfriends i didn't have it could have changed my like friend group. I don't know. Braces are not a small thing for a teenager to endure. And it was all wasted.

And my parents didn't like, like if that had happened to Hope, we'd be fucking in there getting shit fixed. You know, like take a new mold. Do this. Do that. I want you to fucking handcraft a mold that is perfect teeth and then put that on. Whatever you have to do, fucking fix this situation.

The kid's worn braces for years. He's endured this shit that sucks. We don't just like, oh shucksie. You know? That's that. I think I've mentioned it before. That's what happened with my braces. I had them for like between two and three years.

I ended up getting them late. And so I had them until I was like probably about to turn 17. And so as soon as they took them off, they were like, my teeth still weren't 100% great. Like as far as like, I never had any problems just like lining up. They didn't line up right. And I, which is why people get braces generally and they took them off and the guy was like all right so you're not gonna want any put any pressure on your teeth for a while there could be a little they could float in there which is a poor word to use because it fucking freaked me out

like what's what do you mean float are they just gonna come out i guess he meant move around shift that's what he should have said and so i was like okay well you know i have to wear my mouth guard for hockey you know tournament's coming up is that going to be okay he's like ah you know what uh no no that won't be okay i'm like yeah well i can't miss this and so over the course of like a week of playing hockey my all the years of slowly moving my teeth in the right place just reversed totally like Totally, like, just fucked up again. Like, nothing helped at all. My dad's dog ate my retainer.

Like, I actually thought you were showing off when you showed me your teeth. My teeth are fine. Like, my teeth are good. It's just bite, like, my teeth almost line up right on top of each other, so they don't layer very well. It's like, just right on top. Right on top. That sucks. No, no fuck no i'm normal

ass yeah you are the asshole yeah my dad's dog ate my retainer uh we had it replaced he ate it again we had it replaced he ate it again and after that i was like fuck this shit the dog keeps coming in the room like finding my retainer and chewing it to smithereens I guess I'll just give it up so I never went back again so I think my front ones kind of like went out a little bit but like every now and then

I'll just push real fucking hard back in and it hurts like a motherfucker but they move no that, no, what? no totally I can move my teeth yeah oh yeah you can move it. Okay, would you demonstrate that part of your green energy? Push really hard and like, I can tell my bite's different now. It totally moved.

Yeah, but it just kind of shifts back for a second and then the gums that are already there are pushing it back to where it was. That's possible. Careful, you're just training your gums to push harder the other way. You're gonna have big old nasty horse teeth soon if you don't stop this now.

I hope one day I'll just get a whole new set and just go with like some porcelain veneers. Go Seth MacFarlane with it, Chris Rock style. Just get like a huge mouthful of perfect teeth that are so perfect that everybody's like, oh, those are fake. What's the downside of veneers there isn't one i don't think i mean can you eat with veneers like what are they only covering the front visible teeth or like are they caps

in the back like what are we looking at with veneers i don't know what they do in the back and i think veneers are when they grind off the front. It's like a cap, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, they are. It's like they shave down your teeth, basically. Yeah, they grind the front off, yeah. I had that fucker on there, and it looks much, much better. But it also looks a little creepy. Hmm. If they're not done well.

Yeah, look at Seth MacFarlane's teeth. Look at Chris Rock's teeth. They both have really good... They both had about 40 or 50 grand worth of teeth put in. Really? You think that much? I know that much, yeah. Full set is like $40,000 or $50,000. Especially if you're getting implants or something, especially.

Seth MacFarlane teeth. I'm looking at veneers on... Like, they look amazing. Here, I'll give you a link so you can be on the same page. But these things look fantastic. Look at this... Oh, I thought that was a before and after. But a lot of these are before and afters, and they're just fantastic. I'd like to know what they're doing

with the teeth and what the long-term effects are and stuff like that. The aftermath is fantastic. But what's the long term aftermath oh i remember hearing something about that it seems like they don't last forever so does that mean that you're just signing up for like 10 grand every 10 years i don't know all right i'm sure you could google it how long do veneers last hmm i'm just looking at all these before and afters. Some of them are amazing. Like, they go from, like, freak show to, oh, is that Tom Cruise?

Did he really have to? He didn't have bad teeth, did he? Tom Cruise has teeth issues. I don't think he had them fixed, though. His issue is that they don't line up. You know this tooth, like, right off, is centered on his nose. I'm sure of this. Let's see if we can find a picture I got one here this one's actually pretty good because

there's a before and after that I don't believe almost I feel like it's clickbait if you scroll down just a bit below David Beckham pictures aren't big enough for me hmm oh yeah that to know that that role in the Outsiders he played like a poor kid with bad teeth now that makes sense but I'm like I love that they use that first before you have it was kind of clickbaity.

Check out this picture where you can really see like that. He has an issue with the alignment of his teeth under his nose. Oh, I see that. Yeah. Wow, that's shocking. If you look at even his like... Oh, these guys really made a big deal out of it. They have like lines that demo it and stuff. Aw.

It's hard to be in the public eye, man. They're going to look at you. The kind of person who is making this diagram, just some troll. Her hand just cheesy with Dorito dust there's teeth this multi-millionaire like yeah dude you know what's fun to watch like I'm glad you said multi-millionaire cuz she is pointing out to me you watch like a setup video for a really successful youtuber and to quote she is like it's

really fascinating to see how millionaires decorate their rooms you know and they're like well here's how I play and there's like a handful of cardboard monitor boxes serving as a desk you know they often just moved into this place and it's it's like wires everywhere in total chaos and uh it's like you could afford something amazing like you're rich you're driving a beamer audi mercedes something or other and uh and and your room is is pretty much a child's room with like makeshift furniture and yeah it's like a lot of these youtubers it seems they move out of their parents house where they had this shit show of a room with wires dangling and like scotch tape holding it up.

And they buy a really nice house in which they spend all of their time in a shitty room with wires hanging everywhere held there by scotch tape. It's like, why not save the money, live at your parents' house? That's what you just did. Like you just built a shitty room. Did you see PewDiePie's house? No. So I haven't seen a whole home tour or anything but i thought it was interesting and that his direct his decorating style is baroque like he buys furniture off ebay he like he goes antiquing he has a girl i don't

know wife fiance or girlfriend but um i think she lives with him, and they choose furniture off eBay, and it's like gilded and like, I don't know, just Baroque furniture. I don't know how else to describe it. It's something that would belong in a castle. That's his decorating style, and he says in the interview that it's not horribly expensive. He's not going like real top shelf on this stuff, but I don't know. I just, I didn't expect it out of a guy that like makes penis jokes over happy wheels to be like you know i think bridge charles has a nice style like that's the one i'm going with and he did what kind of chair would mozart sit in like what would he compose in well i guess but whatever yeah what'd you say i said i guess he would

compose on a bench you don't sit in a big weird chair with lion paw arms to to play but yeah that's that's what he did but he was relaxing afterward i'm sure that's a that's a style that you can only pull off if you do have a huge house like if you walked into like a one or two bedroom apartment and they had a baroque style you'd be like you're a literal crazy person if you walked into like a one or two bedroom apartment and they had a baroque style you'd be like you're a literal crazy person do you know that like you look you got a lounge over there like are you when you're laying there you're fainting couch you douche but you have to gotta be rich to get into that step by step we're we're decorating my house the um the living the family room's almost done now but we have one

room this sounds so douchey i didn't think it through but it the it has vaulted ceilings that are so tall nobody's seen it yet but uh it's hard to decorate everything we put in there looks like children's furniture just like undersized mini whatever um i don't it's empty right now the dog's playing it I guess that's what it's for but uh but yeah I don't know I should call PewDiePie and get some advice you should he'll hook me up with I wonder what I'll is how I've never been to your house what's your style like there's not very much style to it um I don't think Kitty or I are very good decorators to be honest so it's just random furniture sitting around.

Nothing really matches. There's not really a style. So when I was, I had been there for a little while. And when I went there, there really wasn't much style. It was decorated kind of guyish. Like it had like a, how big is your TV? 72. Okay.

It had a 72 inch TV, a nice couch, and not a lot more. You know, there was a kitchen table around the, but near the kitchen and, uh, but mostly it was just kind of functional. And then Kitty sent me some pictures after having put some paint and effort into it. And it looked cute. Like it looked nice. Yeah. She definitely painted. Yeah. Yeah. The things, yeah. It looked a lot better when she painted, it warmed everything up a little bit. Cause it was all white walls before then. Yeah, so I don't know what it looks like today. Like identical.

Okay. Yeah, so the pictures look good, and then she painted. I like hanging pictures. Wow, house talk. I know a lot of people are going to hate this, but hanging pictures is like the quickest way to make a visible improvement to where you live. I like it a lot. Jack would be like, I've got three things for you to hang.

It's literally like three nails and the whole place is a step above where it was. What are you going to do that? Is this your man cave that you're sitting in right now? Yeah, we call it my office now but i guess you could say that i wish you know i have a uh well it'd be hard because i've got two cameras too i have a usb extension cable that i could use to point at everything but it's been seen before it it's it's nice i don't know it's my office i sit here and do stuff has uh canvas paintings everywhere to deaden the sound there was like a

horrible echo the first night we recorded here now i feel like that's gone yeah yeah that's a really clever idea the canvas paintings to deaden sound i would have never even thought about that and i like the two pairs of double doors behind you very regal uh, I have separate cameras. I don't know if I can point them both, but I don't know. I've got doors. That's a lot of doors. Five doors in one room? Man, someday, Taylor, someday.

Five and a half if you count the two. Oh yeah, that little door is disturbing to me. I don't know why. It looks like something a serial killer would have in his house. Like he'd tell the children, you don't want me to put you in the little door is disturbing to me. I don't know why. It looks like something a serial killer would have in his house. Like he'd tell the children, you don't want me to put you in the little door, do you? Do you know what's behind the little door?

All the fat little boys and girls find out soon enough. Look at that little... Show him the little door. Can you show him the little door? Yeah, show it. It disturbs me so much. I feel like trolls live in some sort of alternate dimension behind that little door.

There's a forest back there. It's all rainy, and there's evil lurking somewhere deep in the heart of it. That's where they keep Ian, the first kid that was older than Hope who never got over their little feminist phase. I'll show you privilege. I have...

I'm trying to... So hope is uh in my opinion been impacted by humbler or tumblr a little bit you know she is one of the most liberal people i know and liberal is not a bad word in my heart um but you can go too far like every time there's a cop shooting that cop is made of pure like molten evil and um uh she was talking about a speech and debate thing and they were talking about funding schools so uh basically the argument was like should you increase funding to underprivileged schools or whatever and um it's a complicated topic in my heart of hearts. I feel like it should just be straight up equal, you know, like whatever. But she was,

there was a group that advocated for equal funding and they were basically saying that like, you know, the effort put in is result. The effort put out of someone's underperforming. You don't just pour good money after bad into a school thinking that the students will somehow become better there are other issues go on should cut their funding if they do bad just make it the schools that excel should get more money so they can have better science departments take those uh those good eggs you got over there in that smart school get them into some fucking uh stem courses maybe they can uh maybe you can make you can afford some fucking uh uh field trips to the science museum or the music or something like

that those dum-dums over there that underprivileged school just just cut the basics like make sure they know how to read and like they don't really need to write anymore just read basic math you know just they really need to recognize the numbers to operate the cash register and that's it. That's pretty much it. Some of them have a test where they're like, you know, what is a number three at Taco Bell? And that's the funding. Damn it, I don't remember what the number three is. I'm embarrassed. Ugh, Kyle, back to basics for you. Number one is the Burrito Supreme, the number two is the Extra Large Grilled Stuff Burrito.

I think the number seven is the Quesadilla. And I think the number five is the Nachos Bel Grande that comes with a taco. But I don't remember what the number three is. Apparently you don't remember four either. No, I don't get those. I don't get those. I don't like those numbers. I don't get the smother burrito either I think it's like the 10 or something that's gross so okay the way where this was going was a

school oh by the way school funding super complicated the other thing is if you pay more should you get more like you know let's say you live in an area where taxes are high should your schools be better than an area where like say incomes are low? That just perpetuates a cycle of underperforming, underfunded schools compared to these rich kids who get great schools. But then if you pay more, shouldn't you get more? I could argue both sides of this coin.

But during the speech and debate, one of the judges was like, you know what? Just stop there. Your entire argument is racist. And I said, hope, was it? Like, you know, what were they saying? I feel like he should have heard the rest of his argument before stopping them. You know, at least evaluate everything they have to say. And she's like, well, that judge was black, so he would know if it's racist or not.

You know, like he's an expert on the topic. And I'm like, wait a minute. Just because you're white doesn't mean your opinion on what's racist and not is invalid. She's like, I'm just saying he's a subject matter expert on whether or not a thing is racist. He would know. He's black. Isn't that racist? I i guess i don't know it's like you think just because he's black he's had to face some trials and tribulations throughout his life huh really

really that's racist right there i don't like to hear that out of my daughter and just walk out of the room just walk out of the room pull that like three four times times. You'll fix her. She's a great kid. There's no evil in her heart. I know. I just feel like – and it puts me in a weird spot, right? Like she's so like politically correct and helpful and wanting to aid the underprivileged and things like that. And I need to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back off a bit.

That's too nice. Like am I trying to instill racism in her? You should take her to an underprivileged area where there's a lot of homeless people, and you should let her meet one. And then you should lure him somewhere to a forested area and make her

murder him. And that'll fix this whole thing. Or you could have her go deliver pamphlets or something with her fine news on it in an area like, say, Ferguson. And I know they'll be very, very receptive to a little white girl explaining to them

how they're actually different and they can't take care of themselves. It's like... But that's just a normal phase for people to go through, I think. It's normal to take that turn left. I don't... I didn't grow up with the internet.

Not to the extent that people are growing up with it now. Like, I had it in high school, but I used it to, like, look at porn and, like, I don't know, research science projects. Like, whenever I wanted to, like, invent some fake internet history so it wouldn't look weird that I deleted it all. Like, I even know where to go i'd be like coca-cola.com you know what i mean that's a true story and then like i wasn't even bright enough to come up with

like you know like the second thing being something like i don't know like humadors rs.com like the second thing would be like sprite.com my mom's like i don't know, like humadorsrus.com. The second thing would be like sprite.com. My mom's like, I don't know what he's going to do. He's really interested in soda pop. He's researching it all the time. That's what they have conversations with after you went to bed. It wasn't like if you're looking at porn, they would have been like, yeah, Kyle's a growing boy, but they're like, I'm worried about Kyle.

He doesn't do anything but look up soft drinks. Loves the Coca-Cola franchise. All the products. He spent hours on Dr. Pepper yesterday and the day before. And he was on Gatorade for nine hours. That's a true story. I'd go through, find some porn, do my thing, and then just delete that internet history, of course.

And it's like, well, it looks weird if whenever you start typing, if something doesn't pop up in the recent search thing, it's like, well, they know that they've been to some websites, so I'm going to the websites that everybody goes to, like the ones they pay their bills at. It was a whole ordeal watching porn when I was a kid. Now kids are just like, fucking porn.

And they got it. And it was on a family computer, and so it was like the constant, like, what was that? What was that noise? Yeah, you had to wait until you're home alone to access that cornucopia of pornography. And it wasn't like today, where there's like YouPorn and like XHamster

and like PornoTube or whatever the fuck. Like, you go to those sites and it's all you could want, all you can eat, all you can ever desire, and stuff you don't even want to see. Like, you'll learn stuff on a porn site nowadays. Back then, it was, like, it was always, like, a preview for what you can get if you pay.

And they'll, like, censor shit out, so you had to go to these websites and, like, go through their tour to, like, see if you want to be a member, and you're, like, jerking it to, like, half-ass censored shit out. So you had to go to these websites and like go through their tour to like, see if you want to be a member. And you're like jerking it to like half ass censored porn images. When you found, when I found video, that was a godsend. Like you ever found video and pop-ups pop-ups were a huge problem.

Right? So I'm sorry, Taylor, whatever you said, it's all my fault. Um, like you did it the wrong site. Be like pop,

pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, at the wrong site and be like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, and little,

and I'm like, little these fuckers know, pop-ups are content too. Yeah. Like, there's some good shit. There was this rabbit hole, I don't know if you remember,

there was this rabbit hole you could go down of porn sites. You'd scroll to the very bottom of the porn site and there's trial membership bullshit and there would be like, these actual HD images images of like some good

shit you're like fuck i can't even find porn like that that's those little images down there of their friendly site like that's what i want you click it and then like a window would pop up like panes there would be dozens of panes like a grid and in each little square in that grid is another awesome looking porn site you're, clickety-clack! And it opens up like eight grids. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And you're like, I better get the lotion ready now. But you keep clicking and you never really get anywhere.

You just keep putting more and more viruses on your computer every time you clickety-clack. It's like Microsoft Word don't work. Email don't work. Like, now I'll never be able to open another browser again infinite pop-ups like every time you click something I thought I was so clever because I always use a Linux machine you can't infect me or there'd be these like fake ads like saying hey this went wrong or that went wrong or you like whatever I'm like to remove the virus from your system. And you're like,

bullshit. Yeah. But they try to emulate like windows windows with like the red X and this and that. I'm like, this is a Linux machine. It doesn't even look like that. I can tell you're a borderless browser.

Yeah. Fuck out of here. It's a feeling. It was like panning for gold where you'd find just all the shit images. And then on some sites, very rarely, you'd see like a 15-second video preview. And you got the preview. And sometimes you just have to run through that 10, 15 times watching the same like seven seconds of weird uncomfortable setup i would get like three or four good moving sections i've got a thing i learned just recently are you familiar with the

website better fap no no you you guys are children so better fap will watch your porn history and then recommend stuff to you based on what you're into. I want no part of that. You don't need to create a login or anything. It'll just be like, hey, based on you, you're Snuffleupagus. If you ever want to make a password, you just click here and you'll make one. And then you tell it, well, I like boys and girls or girls and girls and this or that. And every time you enter a search keyword, it's like I I see Kyle likes this I see Kyle likes that too and it tracks it and I one of the things one of the ways that it rates video and this

is the whole point of this thing is a video will be more highly rated if somebody stops watching during that video. It's a funny part of their algorithm, yeah. So if a guy watches six and this is the one that he ends his viewing session on, they're like, oh, this one's a winner. It's more highly rated. That makes sense. I almost exclusively use X Hamster as my pornography side of choice. I like the way it's set up and everything.

BetterFap does not really host content. It's really just a super search engine that sits in front of Pornhub and XHamster, and I don't even know them all or whatever. But what's that? I said bullshit. I can't name them all. But yeah, it just sits in front of like a bunch of main websites and and like serves up their content to you. Hmm.

That's pretty interesting. Although I just don't know if I want that anything like tracking my porn history or whatever. I mean, it just doesn't seem a good idea. No, no. No. Absolutely not. What if I go on a weird tangent of discovery where on a website, out of curiosity, I hit on that all categories button

and then just a sheet. Things come to me where if you're scrolling down through it and it's like, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Lovetopea.com? Why not? By chicks pissing themselves left and right. The Gmail thing was one night, BetterFab.

One night. It's like you go to Amazon and buy a purple Barney dinosaur for your nephew and now all of a sudden your Amazon homepage is filled with Barney shit every day for a while. It's like, dude, it was one time stop it Amazon or YouTube does that now like let's say you fall asleep

and you were watching a YouTube video and it plays to a different one and like you look up the next morning and it turns out that you accidentally stumbled into like a playlist called like you know Hitler wasn't that bad that's on your screen now it's just like white supremacy stuff that's happened to me a bunch of times

night white not white supremacy but like I it's happened with automotive repair you know they sound to be semi interesting or whatever I fall asleep and then the next morning they're like this guy's really into fixing air conditioners you know this whole thing about automotive air-conditioned repair it's like dominates my home page so you will call the show there at the three-hour point it's 345 right 302 oh I thought it was 345 I only I mostly mentioned it because I just scratched my eye and rubbed something really awful in it.

Probably volcano dirt. Yeah. Maybe that lotion. I don't know if you're supposed to put that directly in your eye. No, then yeah. I think we hit a lot of things. We need to think of four things for the show. Four things?

The title thing. Oh, yeah. Let's brainstorm the title on the show. Hmm. That hurts so fucking bad. Dollar Shave Club. Let's see. Kyle's.

Wait. Anti-aging regimen. Are we see. Kyle's. Wait. Anti-aging regimen. Are we going to do that? No. We're going to call it. It really does burn bad. So just brainstorming. I have How to Be Sexy by Kyle.

Kyle's anti-aging black magic. And Kyle's anti-aging regimen. Hmm. I like that am I an asshole stuff. That was pretty funny. Some of those were good. I liked Taylor's

story about one of his classmates being shivved in the second grade. That was pretty sweet. That was good. Child stabbing, maybe. Let's see. Peed on the wall as a child. That one's too hard to phrase to segment, though.

Yeah, I use the term shivved. Yeah, I like shivved. I like shanked shanked or shivved they're both because a shiv is what they call it make something in a prison right a prison shiv or a prison shank well there you go learning new words yeah i i like shivved more i feel like it's more universal you can do that man that's we got four usually this takes us a long time it usually takes longer yeah yeah now the people watching this know the title we came up with which of these kyle things should we go with how to be sexy by kyle kyle's anti-aging black magic kyle's anti-aging regimen no regimen that's the funniest one because it makes it sound like he takes it as seriously as

he actually does yeah i do well like like so i don't know for me to actually do something daily it has to be part of a routine because i don't have very good like uh i'm not a good self-starter with stuff so like i would never get out of the shower and like be able to like moisturize every wednesday or like you know do something every thursday so like every day it's like i poop i look uh when i'm looking at my phone, I'm drinking my coffee. I brush my teeth. I brush my teeth with hot water so the shower is getting hot. While I'm brushing them, I turn the water all the way to hot because previously it had been running on cold just so I've got some background noise in there.

Then I get in the shower. The shower routine is always exactly the same from face to head to the way I take a shower. And then when I get out, there's a very specific order I do everything in. It's like deodorant and then some acne cream or something, and then moisturize, and then hair gel. There's a whole order that everything goes in. It's exactly the same every day. So I guess regimen's fair.

All right. So Kyle, how are we going to make this motorcycle thing a reality? Do you really want to? Like for real? Yeah. Yeah. No, I feel like it's one of those things. You know, it'll take two weeks and you'll end it like literally being emotionally wealthier than before like it'll

fucking rain it will rain yeah we'll get a freaking bed and breakfast along the side of the road that we didn't expect to stop at it'll be there um i don't i feel like north is safer like another option is to like go to south america and you know like go down from like Chile to Argentina or whatever but I think let's stay in a civilized country I don't know I have to really think about it like I feel like I would like to have some motorcycle experience before I start

out on a journey with one because presumably I've got one of I've got like you know lots of luggage on the bike like it's not just a bike like like I would you know hop on it go it's loaded down Like, it's not just a bike like I would, you know, hop on and go. It's loaded down with stuff, with, like, the side saddles and stuff. Yeah, you've got to have a gym in there, you know? Yeah, I've got at least one bag full of that shit.

So, like, I'd like to know what that's like and if I'm going to be able to handle that. And I feel like, like I said, I feel like wide-open country, you know, in the American West or Northwest or whatever, sure, a straight road that goes for 50 miles, who couldn't do that on a bike? Anyone could. But I feel like if we end up in Seattle going through streets and it's one way this way and it's don't turn on a right.

Anything where the traffic starts getting complicated where I've actually got to start thinking and operating a clutch brake system that I'm not exactly familiar with. Like, I don't know, I could kill myself or at least embarrass myself badly. I don't think any of those things are going to happen. I think you'll, I think you, so you have ATV experience, right? Yes, but my ATV, like not the clutch up here. I don't know. I've never had, I've never operated anything with a hand clutch as far as I know.

I'm familiar. I didn't know. All the ATVs I've operated had hand clutches. What is the alternative? I've had an automatic four-wheel. They just had a, what do you call it, a CTV transmission, a continuously variable transmission. Right.

And then I had another one that it was on your left foot where you shifted, but you just lifted up on the thing. You didn't have to use a clutch. It was clutchless, I guess. Now your Camaro is an auto, right? Yeah. Do you have any stick shift experience? Yeah. So you can just hop in my truck and drive it if you wanted to?

Oh yeah, totally. Alright. Yeah, we gotta get you a motorcycle. Seems like a terrible idea. Oh, what kind of motorcycle? Like, like,

all right. So let me show you the ones that I like. Um, I don't even know what they're called, but, uh, I'll find it really quick. I think,

um, Your connection is not... My connection is bad? No, no, no. I got a weird pop-up from this website. Back to safety. Back to safety. Let's see. Am I... I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

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I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. hmm I'm haha I'm going to go to the Pika a big screen so these guys get a general vibe at what I'm looking at I'm going to drop in motorcycles between 250 and 750 let's go cheap on this thing.

Let's find a motorcycle for Kyle. See, I feel like it's probably not the kind you were dreaming of, but something like this is a real motorcycle. It's inexpensive and... Oh, God, no. You can drop it as... Really? It's all about style i would rock that thing that's awful oh what the hell that's so bad like i wouldn't even drive that

in the field that's the same color as like the backs of those nasty giant house flies that you see going around i'm looking at like the opposite of what you're looking at i don't know so um i'm looking for a bike that here this thing i feel like a 750 is a lot for a first motorcycle but it's not something that you'd be embarrassed to sit on. Eh. What kind of bikes are we going to be on? Is this the sort of thing you're talking about riding?

Like a bike like this? No. I think... yeah something like this but with panniers the the saddles on the side here's a better picture this is what I envision this new link to be pretty close to our setup on game day but you don't want to learn on that thing it's a lot of bike it's heavier it's it's that I wouldn't want to take my

driver's license test on this one I would grab one of those like that the BMW is that we're talking about yeah BMW is your second bike I really like this bike Go ahead link it up. Uh-huh a Harley-Davidson Night Rod special aha I Just like a ride a motorcycle of any kind i like that bike but i i would need to check out the roads we're taking right like the bmw i'm talking about would be fantastic for both highway and like

extended periods of gravel and shit like that it's it's certainly not going to run in any trouble if you hit a pothole straight on and stuff. The bike you're looking at is a street bike and certainly not a mixed use bike. True. But as far as a first bike, I mean, hell, you could get a motocross bike if you wanted to get a first bike. That's actually not a bad idea. You might enjoy it for stuff other than just learning to ride and you'd certainly come away with an expert on like you know clutch and all that other stuff yeah

i might look into that yeah i i'm not completely opposed to this thing it sounds like it'd be fun i don't know who's going besides me and you though i i can't see i can't see chiz coming along i don't think i'm not sure were motorcycles invented in the 1800s there you go i mean he's got a steam powered one maybe that's the question we need answered um i can't think i wonder if there's some compromise like the trike thing comes to mind looking like a uh a disabled motorcycle gang yeah yeah we're the gimp see don't mess with us i like all your candy cap parking yeah i think that we're a 1920s disabled motorcycle gang in this thing yeah we fought in the war yeah Yeah, you see? Prohibition error,

gangsters. This motorcycle thing, I don't know about this. What would we be doing along the way? Just looking at stuff? Rubbing balm on your sore ass as you motocross bike across the country.

I don't know. I'll think more about it. I would like to get some motorcycle experience under my belt i'd like to make sure that there's it's even feasible to rent like the bikes like you want to rent because i feel like we need something kind of like what you just showed us that bmw that's and not just because it is what it is but it's it seemed to have like a lot of racks on it that we would need for this type of journey. If we're going to be gone for two weeks, we need some stuff. We need to pack a lot of stuff. Yeah, you'd need stuff.

I don't know if the trip involves any camping. It might be that you want a tent and some food. God, I hope not. The last thing I want to do after a long motorcycle ride is pitch a tent and sleep in a sweaty hole. I want to fucking shower and

like some holiday in hbo after a day of that i think i we used to go on these bicycle rides um i remember we did one called brag bicycle ride across georgia but we did a bunch and uh in brag in particular it was always designed to like there's a big camping area that every night you'd stop at like a high school and there were like gyms full of showers and cookouts and everyone slept in their tent and my father was like uh-uh it was particularly his friend that we we went with too they're like i like air conditioning i like showers i like restaurant food stuff like that so that was cool what happened to taylor I don't know. I'm going to call him again. See what's going on there.

But I just feel like, I don't know. It partially respawned from that guy's question. He's like, I'm trying to figure out how important money is in my life. And it's like, well, it's not just how important money is in your life it's but but money does certainly enable some experiences and this would be a great one you know spend two weeks and uh yeah i'd be down especially if we like planned you know like all right we'll leave we'll meet up in like nashville tennessee and then we'll go from there to like Kentucky and then we'll make a left and go to Ohio or whatever the fuck we decide to do. We could even do it more locally.

Like around here, some of the best places to ride in. Okay. So the Blue Ridge Mountains. Wow. It's all about you. I feel like I should fix the camera. I don't know if Taylor's coming back, but the blue ridge mountains are some of the best cycling in the world and um it's it's whatever six hours from me and six hours from you i think it's it's not far from where we went uh what what a rafting right i've been up through

there and i feel like that that road is pretty challenging um i i don't feel like it's like an amateur motorcycle guy kind of road. People go there and ride their sport bikes and stuff and try to push them to the limit, I know. There's a spot in California where people do that as well, but I've heard about them doing it up there in the mountains too. And I've been through those roads, and man, they're so snaky, like all these turnbacks constantly just left and right and left and right. And I don't know, you go off the fucking mountain on it but like like you see those people in like fail videos where

they um they're trying to brake but instead they just grab the accelerator full blast and the bike just like runs out from under them like i feel like you do that up there and you just die like you just go off the mountain literally i don't know i'd like if i'm gonna do a trip i'd like a lot of flat open like oh like remember forrest gump when he's like running out through the desert and there's all those like yeah yeah yeah uh-huh i ran i saw a beautiful pond and a mountain and he's like telling jenny all the beautiful things he saw i want that sometimes you couldn't tell which was sky and which was ground or whatever yeah yeah something like that that's such a good movie uh anyway i read that john travolta passed on that

he was offered that role really yeah everyone talks about um lately tom cruise i guess passed on iron man and they act like you know oh my god best thing ever etc he didn't pass he was um he he the only way he would do it is if his face was in view at all times he didn't want to be iron man basically like he wanted to be like cool iron man who's always got his head like face exposed and that's not what iron man is i didn't know that that changes my opinion a bit so like you think i'm vain he's like well i'd love to be the superhero who but you know come on my face right yeah if there's enough like when when he's iron man i swear you see a close-up of his face a lot yeah now they do like in after the first one i feel like they they went to that view a lot of

it's like a super close-up and his eyes like looking at like bullshit you can't even see like the video displays on the inside so they found found a way to make that happen. But I think his caveat was he wanted his face in view at all times. He never wanted to become Iron Man, almost. It was a little silly. We have Taylor returning. Let's see if we can fix this. I like this, what if this star had taken this role uh kind of kind of things um i was looking they were a bunch of the the people who passed on um uh the matrix uh i know will smith got offered that role uh of neo um with the tom cruise so let's pretend that he didn't have that caveat

with not wearing the iron man suit yeah i feel like he would have made a decent iron man he did a decent job in beyond tomorrow or whatever that movie was called uh yeah i I feel like he would have made a decent Iron Man. He did a decent job in Beyond Tomorrow or whatever that movie was called. Yeah, I think that he would have done a decent job, but I think Robert Downey Jr. is... Robert Downey Jr., the person, the man, has a lot of similarities with Tony Stark, the

cartoon character or the comic book character. So he brings something to it that I don't think Tom... I don't think Tom is good. I don't know who Robert Downey Jr., the man, is. Like his persona. What was that? He was a coke addict for a while, wasn't he?

Robert Downey Jr.? He had a few drug problems. I don't know if it was coke or something, but you're right. He definitely was a hardcore drug user that had multiple run-ins with the law. Because I guess he'd drive and stuff. But when he's on talk shows and just being himself, I feel like he's still playing a part and that no one's that arrogant. Like he's, you know, it's like he thinks he's a real life superhero. And I feel like that's just the role he plays. superhero and i feel like that's just the role he plays you know i believe that when um shucks who was the guy with the tiger blood the winning martin sheen or charlie sheen yeah i believe

when charlie sheen was like i'm by winning i've got tiger's blood i've got this i've got that he knew in his heart that he wasn't really holding it together right like he's getting busted with hookers and blow and all this crazy stuff. I think he knew in his heart, like this shit's not going well. And the way he tells the story now is like, yeah, I was so horrible. That was not a good time in my life, et cetera.

I don't think that's just retrospective. I believe that at the time, he also knew that his life wasn't together and that it wasn't going well for him. He was just playing as if like i'm by winning um i think tony stark is also just not necessarily that he's not going well but he also is playing a real like a social media persona that could be i mean i don't character now isn't it like he does the arrogant iron man he does the arrogant sherlock holmes i think he just sees like well this is kind of what I'm getting pegged into.

I'm going to embrace it 100%. Exactly. And there's nothing after this wave. The guy's like, what, 57 or something? Am I wrong about his age? Oh, yeah. Jesus. He's in his 40s, but I don't think he's 57.

What's his name again? I keep saying Tony Stark. Robert Downey Jr. 42, right? 50. Start my computer again. It turns out that at some point during the show, the

outlet that I was using to keep my computer charged stopped charging. So that's going to be a fun thing to look into later. It's just died out of nowhere. Is it on a GFCI circuit? Is it what? Is it on a GFCI circuit?

Like are you near a bathroom or any water, like a sink? No, I don't believe so. In my basement, maybe, like way down, but I'm upstairs, so I don't think so. Oh, so anyway anyway he's 50 i picture this run going to like 55 and then in the really i don't know if the superhero thing or or what's next maybe i'm wrong he's done lots of good stuff i liked him in the judge uh last year i liked him in uh kiss kiss bang bang with val kilmer uh a couple years before that That's like 2004, 2005, 2006, something like that. He got an Oscar nomination

when he played Chaplin, I think. That was really good. He's a good actor. He's just kind of got a thing where he seems like he kind of plays an arrogant guy a lot. I think he's been a little bit typecast for that. Taylor, I've got a question.

What can you tell us about your new move position etc i don't want to say anything you don't want to say what town are you in is that or position or job related stuff i won't talk about uh my i just moved into not an apartment anymore i I'm in a house now. Not like a super lavish house or anything. Are you renting it? I am, yeah, right now. Yeah, and then it's nice not to have neighbors. Did your girlfriend move with you?

She's with me, yes. Yeah, she is. She's in the other room probably getting annoyed that i'm doing this right now yelling but uh yeah got a house now i am in uh back in my home city of st louis now oh i didn't realize that so you're actually times yeah i was gonna do colorado got a better opportunity here so decided to seize that and i figure I'm still young I can always go to Colorado later move there sometime in the future but for now there's no big rush it does kind of suck though I wanted to be there where in Colorado I was looking in

around I was the place I was looking was around Denver. The Sunshine State. Part of Denver. Yeah. The Pot State. Did you call it the Sunshine State? It's a dumb and dumber joke. Oh, my mistake. Yeah.

The Sunshine State. I forgot about that. I thought you just said something stupid, too, until you went out. So Jim Carrey's driving the limo. The hot red-headed chick, who he later married, hops in the back. And he's like, so where are you headed? She's like, Denver. He's like, ah, the Sunshine State.

And she's just kind of like. Yeah, I believe that's Florida, right? The Sunshine State? California. Right? Isn't California the Sunshine State? Florida, huh? For some reason, I always thought it was California.

It's Florida. That makes sense. What is Georgia? The Peach State. The Peach Georgia? The Sunshine State is Florida, and California... The Liberals. What is North Carolina? The Golden State,

I think, is California, maybe. South Carolina's the Palmetto State. New Jersey's the Garden State. New York's the Empire State. New York's the Empire State. I don't know. The other state nicknames. I think Nebraska's like the Corn State. I think I made that up

just now. North Carolina is the Tar Heel State. Not a good one, in my opinion. Tar was more valuable, maybe. It's not good either. Our peaches are delicious, though. I'm told it comes from this. During the Civil War, up against the North,

North Carolina troops would join the other Civil War troops, and they didn't retreat when things got bad. They said they had tar on their heels. They would just stick and not retreat so quickly. I don't know if that's true or not. That sounds nice. Do you know why the ocean is salty?

What? Do you know why the oceans are salty? My guess was it was millennia of oceans eroding the rocks and cliffs and things like that. So they found out in 1979 why the

oceans are salty. I think it's like 5 to 8 million years. I think it's because of a band of rogue pranksters. Right? Every 5 to 8 million years, the entire volume of the Earth's oceans go into and then come back out of volcanic vents in the ocean floor. And they pick up minerals down there and circulate them back into the ocean.

And also the rivers. That is certainly a fact. It says, salt in the ocean comes from rocks on land the rain that falls on the land contains some dissolved carbon dioxide from the surrounding air this causes the rain water to be slightly acetic due to carbonic due to carbonic acid which forms carbon dioxide and water as the rain erodes rain water breaks down the rock the process creates ions or electrically charged atomic particles these ions are carried away from runoff streams and rivers usually to the ocean

many of the dissolved ions used by organisms blah blah blah the two most prevalent ions in seawater are chloride and sodium together they make up ninety percent of the dissolved ions in the ocean sodium and chloride are quote unquote salty so I've got a one minute and fifteen second video hmm dissolved ions in the ocean, sodium and chloride are quote unquote salty. So I've got a one minute and 15 second video. 20 second video. One minute and 20 second video.

Called why is the ocean salty? I'm queued up at zero. As am I. All right. Let me go to the big screen. We'll see what we get here. Ready, set, play. We didn't know why the ocean was salty,

how it got its chemistry until fairly recently. Children would ask you, why is the ocean salty? We'd say, next question. We thought in the early days that it was the rivers. They were the obvious culprits bringing all this stuff in. But the chemistry of the world's oceans is not equal to the chemistry of the rivers coming into it. We didn't know until 1979. We were driving along the East Pacific Rise and there was a black smoker in front of us. We call it a black smoker because it looks like black smoke, but it's not. It's micro crystals of minerals. So we discovered when we found the black smokers

that the entire volume of the world's oceans is going inside the earth and out every six to eight million years. And it's taking some of the chemicals it gets from rivers and it's trading them for new chemicals and this is occurring all along the mid-ocean ridge that stretches around the planet like the seam of a baseball and there are tens of thousands of magma chambers down there and the waters get into them and that's how we get the chemistry the world's ocean and we didn't know that that's fascinating right and presumably true i i wouldn't know he was in he was in that submersible he works for national geographic he should know like we didn't know until we got in our submarine and went down there and found out it's like i feel like that guy knows my source source is the National Oceanic Atmosphere Administration.

NOAA.gov. I don't trust them. Isn't that to think that just like 150 years ago, maybe 200 years ago, I don't know when they figured this shit out. Any science questions, we can just Google it.

Back then, if a kid was like dad why why is the ocean so salty he just ah that's just that water's kind of shit you know so we don't drink it so the the united the usgs i can't figure out what that stands for i could go to their oh the the u.s geologicalological Survey they say it's both yours and mine which also makes sense well he did say that it takes the the chemicals that it's getting from the rivers and sort of exchanges them for for other chemicals down in the magma chambers interesting nonetheless I never really knew exactly why i always assumed like you know it was rivers feeding it but i i didn't even assume it was rivers feeding it like in my

head it was um the ocean kind of clawing against rock sides like cliffs and stuff like that but i just made that up apparently it's Yeah. But that was my thought process. Like just eons of scraping away and getting whatever. River bottoms are so full of that silt though. I just figured that was just all kinds of like sediment that had been washed up since the river's beginning. I kept a saltwater reef tank for a while. And you very, very rarely add salt to them basically you start them off with the right salinity and as the water evaporates it gets

too salty and you top it off it's only i want to see i want to see michael phelps swim the dead sea i wonder if it'd be faster slower right like obviously he'd start skipping he'd be super buoyant but i like let's exaggerate you know sometimes i do this exercise in my head like i'll exaggerate something to see what's better if you were to put him in water that was so solid it looked like a slurpee or look like molasses i think it would slow him down i think there. There's a viscosity point where it doesn't get better, I feel like. But the Dead Sea seems like every stroke would be more effective and less of his body is in the water to be dragged. Submarines do their best when they're breaking the surface,

not when they're underwater. I don't think that's true. It is. No, it's not true. I don't think that's true. It's something to do with surface tension, that you don't want to be on the surface of the water. I know that they actually showed it on the PKA subreddit recently.

There was a guy doing the backstroke. There's this guy, something Berkoff, and he invented a thing called the Berkoff blast-off. And basically, they do the backstroke, and on shorter courses, he just never surf off. And basically they do the backstroke and on shorter courses, he just never surface. He never actually did the back. So the backstroke,

you start off holding these bars at the side of the pool, and then you sort of arch your back and you, you dive up above the water and then swim. And you kick with your feet, kind of like a dolphin. And he just did that until he got to the other side. It was the Burkoff blast off. Everyone else would surface like five yards in or something like that and start swimming but not him he'd just go underwater kicking kicking kicking and he broke the world record at the olympics like by a lot and um i don't know if they ever took his medal from him

but they basically undid his um his world record time and they changed the rules too as well didn't they yeah now they put flags over the pool so the swimmers know where they have to surface is it 15 feet or 15 meters it's one or the other i think i was reading about all this the other day even the they mentioned the backstroke guy i didn't know him by name but it was because of that famous little gif or video where they got, maybe, maybe it's the breaststroke, whatever the fuck it is, but they're, you know, they're, it's not a backstroke. They're, you know, head forward swimming like this. And the one guy just stays under and beats them all by like 20% or something like that. Like, like way ahead of everybody. Most of my competition was in 25 yard pools and it

was, I think it was at the five yard point. 15 feet kind of ties in that makes sense someone on the subreddit said it was 15 meters but that seems too far in my head i'm not sure though but um but yeah anyway we're back to the submarine thing i'm pretty sure going straight underwater you just move less water as you go through is less surface tension i don't know about nuclear submarines but i know that the old diesel submarines would have went faster when they were on the surface than underwater because underwater they had to run like uh electrics and uh and on the surface they ran diesel engines i think most of the time maybe that's what i was thinking of maybe that's what none of that would be an issue with a nuclear submarine it's cool it's cool those submarines have a fucking

nuclear reactor in them and that's how they work those aircraft carriers too those things run on like a pellet of fuel like it's like the size of a golf ball and it lasts for months and months and months i kind of wonder if um like if it wasn't for that are people still making new nuclear where's the last time we put a nuclear power plant in America? I don't know the answer to that. I feel like it's been a long long time but I could be wrong. Most recent... Oh I can't even... I'm sure I said nuclear wrong a bunch of times. Nuclear power plant in the US. The last two power plants to be built in the U.S. were Watts Bar,

which finished in 1990, started in 1973, didn't begin commercial operation until 1996, and the River Bend plant, which was built in 1977 and went online in 1986. So the most recent one is about 20 years old, and before that, 30 years old. That Three Mile Island thing really shut everything down, I would say. I saw that place the other day. I was there. Really?

Yeah, it was in the distance. But I feel like that if we didn't have subs and aircraft carriers running on nuclear power, would America even know how to do it? Like these guys who finished this power plant in 1990 it's 15 years since then so picture the guys who are sort of prime of their career leading right they're 45 they're 60 now the people who also participated on it who were ready to lead these projects they were 30 at the time like they might not have are you asking if we know how to build nuclear plants anymore kind of or would we if it wasn't for the military? Yeah, totally.

What do we do? Just grab some old notebooks from pre-internet days and copy their patterns? I don't think it's that complicated. Yeah, some countries have a hard time. I mean, not for America, of course. Yeah, I think most countries' issue is obtaining the uranium. I think that's the thing.

We got plenty of that shit. If we want more, we'll just crack open a few of those ICBMs we got scattered everywhere. We got all the uranium we need. I feel like that's the main reason Iran struggles, is because Iran doesn't have the uranium.

And Iran doesn't have the... It's difficult to obtain... I know weapons grade is like uranium-235. It's like that isotope of uranium, and that's difficult to do. And the whole process of separating the 235 from the other variants is ridiculous. I watched this whole thing about the Manhattan Project,

but I think that's their main holdback. Because remember we were talking about when they put that worm in that found its way into the iranian iranian nuclear program and ruined their centrifuges yeah that's dude i feel like if this were civilizations america got a really good spawn like yeah there's all this fucking like um luxury goods that keeps the population happy you want iron you want oil, you want uranium. We spawned with all this stuff right here in our own borders.

There's something that we don't have. I remember the other day, it's one of those rare earth metals that's used a lot in like communication satellites or something. It's not iridium, but it's something that sounds like that. But I just remember that like China had it all. I remember that some discussion about that, that it was some tactical resource that they use and china probably got a good spawn too that seems like a really big country and when i look at them like their latitude you know it's like yeah they're in the same spot as us i assume they had a decent ice age

like i'm told that's like a big part like you know if you want to know how good your your farming is and your stuff how'd your ice age go to get a lot of nice glaciers in there churning up the soil then you're golden oh you know did you are you africa or egypt or someone who maybe you know didn't have a good ice age then you're fucked i'm not gonna stand behind any of that science but uh pka science right here someone tell me if i got it right i signed off on yeah put it on a stick yeah you what'd you say now are you writing on a popsicle stick i see put it on a pillow how'd your ice age go the um i lost my train of thought completely. Choo-choo. Derailed.

Okay. Would you guys like to call it a painkiller already? I feel like I've drugged 40 minutes out of you. No, I felt like that last topic was fun. I like that. Taylor, do you want to go on the motorcycle trip with us? I have no desire to ever drive a motorcycle anywhere ever sidecar okay sidecar yeah what if you had one of those strikes now support car you could

be the Jeep Cherokee yeah can I ride with him I'm driving the Jeep Cherokee cheers asleep in the back Taylor's next to me reading the map or something Up ahead like Boggles on Fucking snow beating on him Woody's having a blast He's on his radio

This is great guys Making so many meaningful memories Yeah yeah yeah Sure it's great great i hop coming up soon oh man i'll do it and i i think i would enjoy it but but um if you can come up with another one you know a new adventure holiday we should go on i'll listen to your idea you know it's it's hard to come up with something comparable you know what i mean because the motive you're like i have an idea that takes us across a large

body of land and is filled with you know numerous unfathomable experiences because you know maybe we meet some girls and i get laid or maybe we get you know we have one restaurant stay at cool bed and breakfasts cool sites we get to do vene if the two of us, we can go to Miami or something, offer to crew a sailboat and sail to the Bahamas. I think it's like a three-day sailing trip each way. Blue water sailing.

I would just vomit everywhere, but I'd remember it. You're not interesting me. I would rather do the motorcycles quite frankly like like i don't like miami i don't like florida really in general it's so hot down there and also crew in the ship like i'd like to be on a ship that goes somewhere but i don't want to be like the bitch i don't want to be like like kyle get that winch going i'm like i don't know i don't have my gloves and it's like like burning my hands

and stuff like no only one pair of gloves per man you fucked up like like i can just see out there like like uh what's his name andy bernard from from the office i'm like out there like yeah i forgot my sunscreen i've been wearing my underwear on my head to protect me from the glare there all the sun my eyeballs my eyeballs feel like two meatballs stuck in my head on fire. Like, I feel like that's what's going to happen. Like, that's a real, like, there aren't too many things I think would be scarier than going out on a yacht with a bunch of strangers, and I've agreed to work with them for, like, my, like, ticket on this journey.

And we're going to the Bahamas into, like, international waters. Like, that's a real good way to get murdered i don't want any part of that um if you had a boat and you were like hey kyle i found these two losers and they're gonna they're gonna crew our boat and uh you and i are gonna relax and maybe we'll steer every now and then but mostly we're just gonna like hang out and look at the cool stuff be like yeah yeah let's go on a boat ride because that sounds fun but you're talking about going like moby dick and I'm scrubbing the decks and shit. I don't think it'd be like that. My work's going to be poor.

They're going to scourge me or something. I don't want that. It's just a two- or three-day sail, and I imagine the captain being in charge, but not asshole in charge. Just like... I'm canned. What's that?

I'm canned. Okay. I imagine the captain being like, all all right this is how you sail this you know when i do this i need you to do that man that thing over there it's really captains who want completely inexperienced hands on their boat though uh according to the internet it's super common it just seems unlikely that they want two white guys to come man their boat when they could like go get like probably two like puerto rican guys who are like fucking like know what they're doing and like have done this shit before it feels like the guys

the guys that you go after to get this it's like going to home depot and getting like some guys to help you with your plumbing like you get the guys that are good at plumbing you don't get like the guy who doesn't speak any english i'm told compatible personality is like the number one thing they're looking for like what they're really one is just some cool guys to go sailing with you find some hot chicks that need some people to man their boat and uh and i'll be out there but i just can't see doing that whenever i'd much rather do the you've sold me on motorcycling like nice uh i just i don't think i'd want to man that boat especially knowing that You wouldn't be picking up your slack Because you'd be vomiting so much

And I'd have twice as much rope to hoist I guarantee you there's dozens of people Listening to this who are like I want to be Woody's friend Let's go do some of these vacations That sounds good Look I'm just saying

I'm agreeing to the motorcycle thing Nobody else is I'm here for the motorcycle thing I'll do it I yeah. Nobody else is. I'm here for the motorcycle thing. I'll do it. I don't know how to ride one. I've never done it before. I find it to be dangerous, reckless, and something that I think will be hard for me to even pull off. But I'm saying okay.

But I'm not crewing a fucking boat. I'd rather go, like, do anything other than that. That seems like I don't want to work for anybody. That seems like what that feels like. I'm guessing you're not a hiking guy right you know like no no not really because like i don't i don't know what's to gain from hiking like i like walking in the woods and shooting things um but but if there's no gun involved like why am i really walking in the woods you're things. But if there's no gun involved, why am I really walking in the woods now? You're like the dentist version of a hiker.

I prefer to think of myself as the commando version of a hiker. I'll do the hiking, but I want a rifle with me or a handgun. I want to kill something while I'm out there. I want that to be the reason I'm out there. But just walking for the sake of walking. My girlfriend used to make me go, and I would this thing where like I didn't like it so much that I would forget that we should be like sharing in this experience and bonding and I would just walk ahead and just be like head down walking trying to get it over with and that's how I hike like

you'll be back there like wow wow, look at that ridge. And I'm just going to be like, head down. I'm past the ridge. I'm counting the markers like, oh, 14B. I'm looking at my little, oh, shit. Eight more miles to go. Fuck, I thought it was 800 yards. It's funny you say that. My version of, last time I went real hiking, I'm almost like a competitive hiker one I never

ask to stop I let you tire out and I've always done that like I don't think I've ever needed a break in hiking my entire life only because it was that whole bear thing don't outrun the bear just outrun you like like that guy'll break before I do I'm fine so that was one thing I took like 500 pictures stopped for none of them. Didn't even aim the camera. It was just like, I guess I aimed it, but I didn't like look through the viewfinder and frame it or anything. It's like that thing looks nice. Like wouldn't even slow down. That was just my normal way of hiking. Go somewhere and kill a thing. You want to know the cool trip we should go on?

First, we need to practice. You should come to my house for like twice in a month. hiking go somewhere and kill a thing you want to know the cool trip we should go on uh first we need to practice you should come to my house for like twice in a month you know like spend a day or something and we should shoot shotguns until you're competent and then we should all go to argentina and shoot fucking doves yeah i think i've described this before but really quickly costs like three thousand dollars a person i But, listen to me here, alright? You're gonna go down to Argentina, you're gonna go to this village, they're gonna wait on you hand and foot, you'll have at least one kid who's your bird boy. He runs and gets your birds. You're gonna have at least one other kid who's keeping your guns loaded.

And I did say guns, plurally, because you're gonna need multiple guns to pull this thing off. Because you can't keep one gun loaded. You'll melt it down. You need three guns. The kid is always loading one of them. You're always shooting the other. And there's a third one so that he can keep up. There are so many doves at these things. It's like a massacre.

You can kill hundreds and hundreds a day. And they're piling them up. And at the end of the night, we're going to eat them all. Like the village has a big feast. And you're kind of in a resort type thing. So you don't have to eat doves with the villagers you can have like a five course meal uh like back at the place during the day you you massacre birds all day at night you hang out a resort it's like a super duper hunting trip this sounds like a trip that sounds awesome because i've gone dove hunting and it's a lot of fun, but having three guns and a personal indentured servant,

basically, to do all the things that I don't want to do, so I can just be chain-firing birdshot into the air for five hours straight, that'd be awesome. You shoot constantly. Tastes awesome. Let me try to... Let me see if I can find some video of this hmm argentina dove hunt dove hunting world record oh wow oh here i think this video will help so normally dove hunting

like i don't know there just aren't that many in the field like like they come over like in little groups like you might see 10 doves at once and that'd in the field. Like, they come over, like, in little groups. Like, you might see ten doves at once, and that'd be a big flock, right? Like, they come over mostly, like, a pair, two or three at a time. Look at this shit. I'll queue up if you'd like. Yeah, at zero? Sure. Ready, set, play.

Ooh. You can't even miss. You can't even miss you can't miss i'm turning the volume off because they've got music so doves fly at about a top speed of about 45 miles per hour but the cool things about the way doves fly is they sort of do this darting and ducking thing when they uh when you start shooting at them so they're're very challenging to take out. Can you miss these doves? Yes. I feel like I could shoot into a crowd and get four.

It seems that way. And in some scenarios, I'm sure that's true. But in that scenario, you couldn't have. That one in particular, yeah. Oh, that's my shotgun. Really? It was a $20,000 Bernelli something or other? Bernelli Montefeltro.

It's not that expensive. No. So this looks like so much fun. I love this. And, you know, it's a kind of hunting where, like, you can be close with each other. Like, you don't have to spread way out. We'd be, like, 20 yards from each other. These guys are pretty good shots. That or they just show the good shots that was a double

yeah oh dude this feathers scatter like when you hit a clay yeah oh they're making them like ribs oh you guys are a few seconds in front of me this is a classy hunting trip they have red wine i was thinking maybe just some pabst three thousand dollars to get there that's like what 20 grand of well it i i'm just throwing that number out there there's a website right here and you could go do exactly what these guys did like like these guys paid four seasons adventures in argentina so like i don't know but they're gunning them down in a way that you just can't do in the u.s um without baiting or being on like the a really rare scenario, but it's pretty consistent here, it seems.

God, yeah. I'm not noticing any slave boys. Yeah, I don't see that. But I've seen it before. Just to clarify, that is a selling point for me. I'll make sure you have a slave. All right. Look at the feathers. Look at the feathers look at the feathers i know right it's snowing of dead dove yeah yeah so if i had to vote it would be that because i've always always always wanted to go and do that

i've had friends that went and did it i was supposed to go one time and i just didn't and i think that would be great hmm we could alternate vacation ideas it's very satisfying to shoot one of those doves like like what even watching them do it there i was like oh yeah that's great fun i haven't done that in a while i'm not an experienced hunter like i i'm not even a super experienced shooter but i can shoot um but i i feel like i'm still at that stage where you recognize you took a life you know you're not a monster you still feel a little grief like i see what they're doing and i don't i don't process it as evil or anything especially if you eat afterwards, which I'm not sure these guys did. There, they're a destructive species.

If that helps you. Right. As you can see, there's millions of them, it seems, and they're destroying those crops. I believe, yeah, that sounds reasonable. And again, I'm down for killing destructive species and stuff. You know, like I believe in the boar hunting um i believe in deer hunting you know the alternative to that is just deer starving and um but there's a little part of you know like look i enjoy food i enjoy meat

but killing the meat like i don't know I've always liked being removed from that process. And this would be the first time where I'm not. I like it. After, like, you don't feel any remorse from shooting these things. When you hit one, it's sort of like, it's relief and jubilation. It's like, not only did I not miss, which would have been a bit embarrassing, but I got him. So success.

And, like, if you can chain them together it's like better each time so like that guy that got that double i was like oh he just got a double because it doubles like medium difficulty maybe hard difficulty a triple is the coup de gras because you can only have three shells in your gun in the u.s um so if you can go boom boom boom and get three like that's a that's a showstopper you don't see that often i don't think i've ever fired a semi-auto shotgun is the recoil because the recoil on buckshot with my 870 it'll leave your shoulder all bruised up it's a thing it's not like you're crying in pain or anything but uh i like that i like the benelli montefeltro those guys that guy was shooting uh it's it uses inertia to cycle it.

So it takes a little bit of the kick out. And the super sport. What I was asking was, like, how significant is that amount of kick? Like, that AR-12 video made it seem like the kick was gone. Or AA-12, I mean to say. You know, my 870. Like, you did a video where you shot a tree so much, the tree, like you chopped it down.

Shot it down, yeah. And I know, having talked to you offstage, that did a number on your shoulder. Brutal, brutal. It was hundreds and hundreds of like 12-gauge shots over and over and over, heavy shells. And that gun in particular didn't have a very good, um, like, uh, buttstock, I guess, um, on the back, it's not very cushy, um, and yeah, it beat the fuck out of me, I was black and blue, and I kept shifting it to a new look, like, I started, like, where I always put the gun,

which is, like, there, but then, like, for a while, I'd put it out here, and then my arm would be bruised, and then I'd put it all the way in here and then my muscle here and just kept shifting it around because most of it wasn't on camera and it didn't matter how I held the gun. But yeah, it was awful. The thing with doves, you're using a lighter load than you use on pine trees. I think it was a poplar. I like to use buckshot on those.

But you're going to use a lighter load load like an ounce of shot or an ounce And an eighth of shot is what I like I like an ounce and an eighth of seven and a half shot for doves And those guns in particular take a lot of the recoil out So I don't know if I if I'm leaning into it I can pop pop pop I can I can I can fire three shots that fast and like stay on target. It's it's not like that buckshot of your 870 That's about as bad as it's going to get, buckshot out of that 870,

just because it's a pump action and all that stuff. Yeah. We should go... Ah, I know what we should do. Just for me and you to have a little fun. We should go shoot sporting clays. It's like golf. You walk from station to station.

At each station, you shoot like 10 shots until you've shot 100, and then you add up your score, just like golf, except it's, you know, 100 is the best score you can get. And, you know, each target stand is a different scenario. There's usually two machines at each stand, and there'll be like a little agenda there.

It's like, all right, first shot is one from box number one, and box number one will throw it like from left to right. Shot number two is one from box number two, and box number two like throws it over your head and it lands in front of you. And then shot number three will be like one and then two. So you shoot the one that's left to right and then the one coming over your head and it's a double. And you shoot those combinations just like everybody else does. You add your score at the end of the day and you see who won. I'd love to do that. That sounds like fun. Around here, all those places are membership only. So it's like a big commitment

and often times there's a waiting list. Yeah, the places here have like, I mean it's cheaper if you're a member, but they have, you can go as a guest or not as a guest, but as a walk-on or whatever. There's a couple places. I've done that before. I haven't done it in a while.

I feel like I'd be rusty if I went right now. I'd probably shoot like a I feel like if I went right now, I might shoot that before. I get to blast. Yeah. I haven't done it in a while. I feel like I'd be rusty if I went right now. I'd probably shoot like a... I feel like if I went right now, I might shoot a 70. But when I'm well-practiced, I've went to medium difficulty, hard difficulty courses and shot 80s and high 80s. I've never shot a 90, I don't think. Not at one of those big places. Maybe a 50 would be a good goal.

Yeah. Yeah, if you hit it, yeah. It would. Yeah, I don't think. Not at one of those big places. Maybe a 50 would be a good goal. Yeah? Yeah, if you hit it, yeah. It would. Yeah, I don't know. We had gotten to the point where I could, consistently sounds like every time, but you know, a five out of six on the easiest shot. Like you throw it in a straight line from yourself, etc.

Maybe even across a little bit. But those hard shots and two at one time, that would hurt my score so i don't know get what i get yeah yeah that'd be fun i'll look into something like that that might be even a pk adventure maybe or at least part of one we'll see yeah i like you said though i'm a little uncomfortable bringing fans like like i'm sure you listening to this you're fine but that other guy listening to it do you want to shoot with him? You know,

Chris Kyle situation. Yeah. I'm particular about who I want to shoot with anyway, not just because of like some psycho that's going to off you, but also because of like, you know, general gun safety stuff. Not everybody's on the same page and like,

um, I don't know. Just keep your finger off the trigger. Keep it pointed a safe direction at all times, preferably down range at all times. And everything will be good, but I don't like it. But you know, I got a little faux pas that I don't know, just keep your finger off the trigger, keep it pointed in a safe direction at all times, preferably downrange at all times, and everything will be good, but I don't like it. I've got little faux pas that I don't like. I don't want you walking around with a loaded gun. I don't want you turning around with a loaded

gun. Even if your finger is off the trigger, safety's on and it's pointed at the ground. You shouldn't turn around. There's a lot of rules like that at the Sporting Clays place. You often talk about how that gun range you went to was really anal about the gun being in the box, pointed down range before it's even open.

Now that I think about it, if somebody steps out of the box, so there's a box I refer to it as, and basically sometimes it's as little as a dirt patch where the grass has been worn away and a door frame without a door in it. And basically, you stand there, the barrel goes through the door frame, and that prevents you from going too far to the left or the right, and that's your safety thing, and I don't like it if somebody steps out of that box, you know, with a loaded gun. It's got no reason to be doing that, and it makes everybody nervous, but yeah, I'd like to go shoot some sporting clays. We could do that anytime. It's cheap, too. You know, it's a hundred shotgun shots.

I think the day, like, a hundred bucks. It costs think the day like a hundred bucks. It cost you like a hundred bucks to go do it Do you have a bike? I'm about to say something stupid. Do you have an extra gun? Because my 870 wouldn't be appropriate. You know, ideally that'd be something you could like I'm picturing this my 870 is not You can't obviously tell if it's loaded or not. But if it's like a double barrel that you break, then it makes sense. I wonder what he's going to come back with. Is he going to have an arm full of guns? What's that?

You have a 870. That's pretty heavy, isn't it? Yeah. It's a heavy, isn't it? Yeah. It's a self-defense gun. Yeah. If you're an audio listener, Kyle just came back hugging as many guns as a man can carry. All of them apparently shotguns. I may have shot that one before.

If not, I've shot one that's just like it. That belongs to you. It's very like it. What is that one, Kyle? Benelli Montefeltro. It's like an $800 or $900 Benelli semi-automatic. I like it a lot. Huh. I've got the Benelli Supernova.

Yeah, I like those too. How does that one compare to the Montefeltro? Is that a level up or down or just different? A level up. It's a little more hardcore. All right. It's more of a... There's some tactical models of that

shotgun. Which one in particular? Does it shoot 3.5s? It shoots 2.75s up to 3.5s. Okay, yeah. My dad's got a Super Sport, which if we were to go, I'd let you shoot this, and I'd just shoot my dad's gun.

Because most of my shotguns are actually tactical, like 870s and brownings and those ugly fucking utas 15s and i like my i've grown to like my 870 now that i can shoot it reliably and stuff um it's the marine version it's all nickel plated and stuff i like it yeah but um shall we call that a show i think so I enjoy it myself. Glad we had that gentleman from Dollar Shave Club come on. It was fun to talk to him a bit. Covered a lot of good topics, I think.

Yeah, good show. Very good. All right. Thanks, everybody. Yep, see you later.