Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #243

Episode Date: August 21, 2015

This week on PKA, Chiz comes on and the guys go over potential prison girlfriends, the question of "Which host is a bigger asshole" is brought to the table, China implodes on itself and of course some Trump talk.

Pink you're already episode 243 we are live This episode of PK is being brought to you by next issue where they've got any magazine You could ever want right in your pocket, and it's also being brought to you by Authors on acid we've had them before the it's the greatest thing to happen to an app store since game of war used Kate Upton's Tits to get more downloads apparently so we'll talk more about those later in the show Did you say that or was that in the read? That was in the read. I like a company with personality.

Yeah. The rest of the read's even better, so look forward to that. Oh, that sounds cool. I actually like both these companies. I hope that they can keep sponsoring us, because cool products. Yep. Anyway, painkiller already. So how you guys doing good long

day she yeah yeah you work today you got your haircut you got your haircut you're filming those things are related yeah we filmed a video today with that that parrot gun so that was fun blow up a bunch of shit. What is that? It's a cannon. Small cannon. I don't know why they call it that. A parrot gun sounds to me like... A little tiny gun on one of those little tiny drones. Right. Something you shoot birds with. It shoots a pound and a half

bullet. It's like, I think it's 37mm. So that would kill a bird. Yeah, yeah. You can load it with bird shot too and, and make it a two-pound shotgun. So it's shooting, you know, 32 shells worth of shot. If it were a shotgun, would it be a.3 gauge? Am I doing it right?

You're not. It would be like a two-gauge or a three-gauge, if I had to guess off the top of my head. a two gauge or a three gauge if I had to guess off the top of my head. Have you ever seen those punt guns? Like from old timey where they have that giant rifle that's so or the shotgun that's so big they have to have a stand like five yards away from them to hold the gun. I've seen them mounted on boats. Yeah. Yeah.

On boats as well. And they can shoot at a flock of doves or whatever they're shooting. And like 13 of them just drop. It's a massive load of shot uh they're they're illegal now but they used to uh and i think they would shoot ducks when they i think they would like go up the into an area where the ducks were in a boat and then they'd all like kind of jump and try to fly away and they hit them with this cannon of a shotgun and take them all out very unfair not very sporting not very sporting at all. No.

But yeah, we had a good time today. I blew up a lot of shit. We took a grill-sized propane tank, and I like dangled it, if you will, a few feet off the ground, and shot clean through that with a cannon, and that made an enormous fireball. And then I made kind of an exploding concrete wall, and that exploded real nicely. And then we did some exploding toilets so we got a lot of had a lot of fun with that uh canon

today and we got elvis involved as you guys saw in the pictures oh i did see that i didn't want to bring it up because i wasn't sure if you're at liberty to discuss the king and his videos but what was up with that dude so i'm i'm a big proponent of costumes make everything better. Like, no matter what. Like, anything. Funeral? Let's get everybody dressed up like Star Wars. Have a little fun with this.

You know, anything, any event, any day-to-day activity. Going to McDonald's? Let's dress up. Why not? I think costumes make everything funnier and better. So, you know, Eric showed up with an Elvis costume, and I think costumes make everything funnier and better. Eric showed up with an Elvis costume and I was like, oh, this is perfect. I think the anniversary of Elvis dying

on the toilet is coming up soon. We'll have you in the background dead on a toilet and then right before we blow it up, we'll be like, Elvis, get out of there. You don't want to repeat a last time. Then he gets up and does a little hoot. Thank you very much. Like a kick. Runs for his life. Then the know the toilet starts the toilet start exploding so

i think it's gonna be fun we're gonna upload that uh soon as soon as it's back in the editor yeah have you ever gone to a funeral in costume because that's something that you have to make sure other people are on board with he did he dressed as a normal person as they would go to like a wedding ceremony he dressed up as a normal human being and went to a wedding ceremony that um the other people did not agree with that attire now that was fun normalcy that that was funny but no i've never not a funeral i've never uh i've only been to a handful of funerals but i you know i i think it'll be fun though i i think that would spice everything up but you can't show up like on your own dressed up like luke skywalker

or something like it that's not i mean you could because then you would start some discussions who's the crazy guy dressed up as luke now you look like the body is han solo and he's in the carbonite like bring a slave those movies are such shit if you're a fan of that you're just a of this pawn of george lucas there's such shit such shit. I'm looking forward to the new ones though. I think they're going to be good. Because they're not made by George Lucas. No. Oh, actually. I've been re-watching, not recently, but like a year ago

I re-watched the Star Wars and such. Poor soul. I'm sorry. The more current ones, the prequels were better than I remembered. And the original ones were worse than I remembered. Which is not to say the prequels were better than I remembered. And the original ones were worse than I remembered. Which is not to say the prequels were better than the old ones. I had an issue with the prequels and all their fucking politics and the Senate voting and that crap.

It's like being in school, learning taxes. That's something I wish they taught in school. Taxes. I learned how to resist drugs and alcohol. But I didn't learn about taxes. But not just accountants should know how to do taxes. We all should know how to do taxes. They should teach that shit in the 10th grade. And it should continue until you graduate.

You shouldn't be able to graduate without knowing how to pay your fucking taxes. It's just counterintuitive. I took accounting in 11th and 12th grade, or 10th and 11th, one of those. Well, your school had a lot more money than most people. I'm sure when you guys were lounging in the school pool, figuring out which elective you wanted to pick, rocket ship flying,

gymnastics, like, you know, it was a big concern. but the rest of us don't have accounting classes i i learned to type on a typewriter okay like don't give me that shit in my head it's an anomaly too it's not like to type on a typewriter except for what it's yeah right it's not like that in my head in my head i took accounting i took another course called business while everyone else was taking like wood shop and metal shop and photography And shit that I wish I was taking my dad would be like Yeah, I had that taken it

but my dad was like you know no you have to take accounting you have to take business learn to balance a checkbook and Yeah, I don't know. I just I just felt like I was missing out on part of that education Which is probably gone now too, but I just understood why balancing a checkbook was so hard. That's just math. That's just subtraction and addition. That's just math. You're right. That is just math.

It's just subtraction and addition, though. You've got your balance, and then you subtract the money going out and add the money going in. I've never understood why someone couldn't, like, do that. I'm curious. Have you actually balanced a checkbook? I was going to say, this is a skill set that is right next to your typewriter education. This will never be a thing. Truthfully, I don't even balance my checkbook on them.

I've never even written a physical check. I don't use checks because it's not 1993. I use a credit card like a normal person. Who uses checks? I use some checks. Tell me, tell me. Chiz, Kyle, do you like receiving correspondence? That's different, though.

That's different. That's not down at the grocery market paying for groceries, writing a check. You've never written me a check. Or Matthew Woodward. I have written. I wrote a check yesterday. Physically written a check. Yeah.

Wow, what an age we live in. It depends, though. Some things you're doing are accustomed to paying for a check. Certain services is either cash or check. It's more of a hassle to give them a card, or they won't take a card. If you pay a tradesman, especially if they're self-employed, they often prefer check because they get the full amount, whereas a credit card will suck away like 3% to 5% of the money. For them, they're like, that know that's like 50 bucks you know

off my thousand can you you know they'll just ask you hey can you write a check instead it's like 50 bucks for me yeah but for most people's day-to-day including paying bills it's all done online right right i had a lady in front of me at a store pay for a seven dollar and 13 cent set of groceries with a check oh Oh, that's going to bounce. So Kyle and Chiz have this thing about me. They're like, Woody's all right. He's a good guy. You know, whatever, like anyone else

has sometimes made mistakes. It's rude. He never sends any mail, like a birthday card or anything like that. Don't ever get those. But Matt Woodworth. I got a Christmas card one year, but he didn't send it.

But Matt Woodworth is awesome. a Christmas card one year, but he didn't send it. But Matt Woodworth is awesome. He always knows just what to say. Whenever they get a letter from Matt Woodworth, he knows. Kyle's like, I got a letter from Matt Woodworth. It's checks. I'm just sending him checks. Because oftentimes, like, PKA pays me, and then I'll pay out the people. I send Taylor's PayPal.

But, and they're always like, yeah, what do you know? Yeah, if you correspond with Matt Woodworth, it's a good day. It's never like bad news. Like, oh, really? Timmy fell in the well? The crops are dying? Plague? No, it's cash. It's cash for you. We're not pen pals. It's a one-way

discussion. It's just he only sends and we just receive. Yeah, I'm gonna start sending stuff back, random stuff, not money or anything. Yeah, I'm gonna pretend like we're pen pals. I'm just gonna start writing letters and stuff. I think that's a lost art. I feel like it would be nice to have a pen pal. I thought having a pen pal was... You could still do that. Go to your local prison and just, you know, pick up a pen pal. I want like a like a scary prison chick pen pal. That'd be cool.

Prison chick pen pal? Yeah, yeah. I'm finding one of those. You go to a women's prison. I think that you can, I don't know, I'm sure there's, like, a directory of, like, crazy bitches that are locked up. You can, like, search through, like, Tinder or something, just swiping through them and, you know.

Are crazy bitches. Yeah. I would like to correspond to one of these crazy ladies they do have email though that's dangerous quickly because then they're getting a lot more detail than they would get just from an email what if they have connections on the outside what if you wind up in a christopher nolan movie three years from now about the mystery of you know harriet the the hackett or the hacker or whatever you don't pick a murderer you pick one that has like assault with a weapon charge or something i like that you know guns the the hack it or the hacker or whatever you pick one that has like a salt with a weapon charge or something I like that you know guns we know that yeah yeah that's already a little extra spice in there you don't

need a murderer just you know an extra kink all right you won't get hurt this is Kyle well I mean it's probably 12 guns within arm's reach. He could take it. Kyle. Yeah. Do I have the thing for you. Meet an inmate.com. Oh. No. Wow, nice to see this has been built on geocities

and not updated since. So I'm going to assume add 20 years to all of these women's ages. Or a lot of them are probably dead by now. That's a good bet, too. Ooh, Stacy's looking good bet too oh stacy's looking good little selfie pic there from california i'm just saying a lot of these ladies are looking good all right yeah where did they get these pictures before the age of facebook can you sort by state

i'd love to do who has a better hot bitch in prison state contest because california's bringing it home right now look at michelle age 45 in Florida. She's got her prison picture standing there with some sort of, I would guess, a culinary degree with a little graduation cap on. Things went downhill. That's unfortunate. Florida and California are in the lead right now, if you ask me. Yeah, I was going to say Florida as well. This Rachel, it says she's 44, doesn't look 44.

So how do I actually get a hold of one of these? Look on their picture and see what happens. Alright, let me pick one. What about Tanisha here? No. That would cause a lot of problems. Emily, at the very top of the page, looks like one of the characters

from Orange is the New Black. Yeah, look at the size of that forehead. There's a lot of criminality hidden behind that forehead. Oh, God. That plane turned out to be enormous. Wow. Alright, look at this. This is kind of funny. Here's a chick in prison, like, doing the

the, the, the, like, bullshit selfie picture thing. Look at this chick. Her center pic- the picture that's in the center. The picture that's in the- oh, I didn't send. Let me get it. For everyone wanting to go, it's meetaninmate.com Oh, look at that. Oh my God.

Wearing a holster top. It's the at that oh my god the top right hot as fuck bottom bottom it looks like that dress used to fit her little sister a long time ago but that never fit oh you're looking at it differently i have it full screen it's left to right yeah it's left right for me she's wearing a halter top. What are you talking about? She looks great in that picture. Oh, what? Are you high? Not at all. Look at those arms. Is she a competitive lifter when she's not in prison? Like, she went into there with the prison body.

Goodyear, Arizona. Nothing but good things there, I'm sure. Ah, Jennifer from Florida. This is the one. Oh, God. Rachel's got so many facial piercings. What the fuck? Wow, I love how they've got a legit profile. You gotta link the ones you're talking about. The whole world wants to know what these girls look like. Funny, outgoing, down-to-earth, loving, and loyal. That's Jennifer. Prison life.

I think Jennifer here is. Jennifer, is she in for prostitution? Gadsden Correctional Facility, ladies and gentlemen. Occupation before prison. Babysitter. 92. I like. She's the same year as me. She's 5'4".

She's a Christian. Checking out. She probably put that, though. Although she is in prison, so how nice could she be, right? There you go. Oh, she'd like letters from both sexes. That's nice. Activities in prison, reading and exercising.

Well, that's some good picks out of the four. What are the other activities available to you? Rape and kicking ass. Okay. I decided to join this site. Oh, great. Her grammar's awful. I think she'd step that up with nothing free time on her hands

so are these recent uh postings or is this like an old dead website i love these ages up to date like look at i i went to the over 50 section of the inmates and these are the the troubled bitches it looks like it might do this all their activities have working out and bible study this one's awesome all right so this is uh this is my favorite so far so i feel like if you go in prison at 50 you either did something fraudulent or you killed somebody no this this lady must have done something fucked up because maximum release date 2031 oh shit that's a good pic Kyle just look at Kyle's newest one Oh Jennifer's what you do she lost army hostess medic she won't be eligible for parole until 2020 which what did she do are you looking at things you didn't link not Jennifer Oh parole her release dates. That's why I'm confused.

I'm sorry. That's a shame, Jennifer. She's hot. Not hot 2020, though. Five years from now, she'll still have it. I say you pursue this. You pursue this, Kyle. I want to know.

I want 23-year-old Jennifer, not 28-year-old. They need to state what they did on these websites. You're 29, and you have nothing to do with 28-year-olds. I'm getting better better looking every year. That's true. That's how it works with men. Until I get to mid-40s, it only gets better from here. That was very kind of you, but it's below that.

Thank you. I know it is. I think Kyle knows it's below that, too, because he was about to say younger, and he's like, oh, how old is Woody again? Mid-40s. Yeah. You've got two more years of improvement woody i don't know like there's a lot i think there's a lot of chicks

that think like uh you know a guy who's in his mid 40s is hot and at that i think like after that like like maybe you start going down a little every year i think that's where you know things start i think there are a lot of women who think that money is hot and that can continue until death that's true get that guy with the clippers yeah donald sterling every other really rich guy There are a lot of women who think that money is hot, and that can continue until death. That's true. Look at that guy with the clippers. Yeah, Donald Sterling. And every other really rich guy.

Yeah, Donald Sterling can land some premium women there. He certainly can. Yeah, this site is intriguing, but it's also very sad. They need to stay what they did in these profile pictures. Yeah, right? Everyone also very sad. They need to stay what they did in these profile pictures. Yeah, right. Everyone wants to know why. You know, like Jennifer looks like a great cookie, but she just keeps saying, I got in with the wrong crowd, made some bad choices. But she's got like 10 years on her. So I want to know what Jennifer did.

Yeah, she's all she said is she got in with the wrong crowd. This wrong crowd stabbed someone to death. You know, when people say I got in with the wrong crowd, it's, oh, I got into drugs and stuff like that. But she's got a 15-year sentence. She's willing to elaborate more in letters. I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure she wouldn't lie about why she's in prison.

Check out Tequila's hate section. I think she just got a role in the new Ghostbusters movie, actually. Oh, shit! Let's do this together Because prison life is brutal She must be playing the black guy Her activities are charities

Inmate organization Prison life is brutal And I'm looking forward to getting my mind and body out of it early release date life maximum release date I didn't even notice I thought something was wrong like why is there no date here I found a lady on here where it said education

level like I saw one that was like bachelor and this lady it just said nine just nine bitches aren't getting out for like five more years like we're gonna find someone who't getting out for like five more years. We've got to find someone who's getting out soon. No, you don't. If you're afraid of commitment, Kyle, I think tequila's for you.

There's a zero percent chance of getting out of the repercussions. She's never going to come out and see you. I wonder if my wife would be jealous knowing we're looking at prison inmates. Go to Newest Ladies and pray on them, Kyle. They just got in. They're very susceptible. Yeah, pray on them.

I don't want to pray on anyone. Jesus Christ. No. It's cool, Kyle. You can pray on them. This is a cool website. They prayed on somebody. That's why they're there.

Yeah, if someone out there wants to, like... I bet you could send the same letter to every one of these chicks. You could set up a whole system. Here you go, Kyle. This one's getting out 2016. That'd be the way to play this. You could play the numbers game with this. Kyle, here's one for you.

Let's see. She's from California. She's older than you, though. Oh. That won't do. That's an outgo. She was an alcohol and drug counselor before prison. Ah, she'll get along well.

I think this is a good picture of her. I agree. I don't think that she's good looking. Paige here looks six feet tall. Where does her forehead end, right? That's true, it looks like there must be like a clothespin in the back holding like a fistful of skin oh this is perfect she's earliest release this chick is getting out soon possibly it's as early as possible basically october she's my age she's in the game

of thrones kyle page is perfect for you oh she's gonna be hit with a lot of twists when she gets out Right a season's catch up on Here's something people might not know Kyle likes a girl with a little bit of crazy in her So this might be fertile stomping grounds for him. What is a stomping grounds? Phlebotomy. All right, you know you talking to a mic long enough you say stupid shit That was poorly phrased but all this chick is perfect She was trained to draw blood from Patients before that was a prior job Yeah I need that

Perfect at all I'm always one little blood drawn She'll be there you know An epi shot you know You don't need a vein for an epi shot though Straight to the heart What if you don't know that What if you get a heroin addiction in your late 40s And you can't need a vein for an epi shot, though. Straight to the heart. What if you don't know that? What if you get a heroin addiction in your late 40s

and you can't find a vein anymore? Paige will know how to hook you up. I've seen enough Sopranos and The Wire to know I'll go between my toes. But after a while, they get squirrely and hide. You need someone. If he gets addicted to heroin, it's going to be because of Paige. She saves him in some weird, convoluted drama series she has a GE Kyle I think back

Christina here might be your soulmate that hair she looks like the ugly chick from Greece she John Travolta back in the day remember that shit she's the one that gets pregnant at the end and she's like doesn't know what to do about it Rizzo or something she says I prefer to be naked all the time. I'm an exhibitionist if you will. But you're both men and women preferable someone older. Grammar horrible. This chick has the body of Meg Griffin. She does. And the head of Rizzo from Grease.

I like the second pose on here where it's like what do you want me to do? I want you to stand real close to that wall, face it with both your feet, and turn around like I just caught you stealing. Bow your feet out like this, all right? Bow your feet out like you're a toddler. Make those men's jeans look sexy as fuck. Also, stick out your tummy a little. We want to see that pouch. Fred Favre isn't the only one selling Wranglers nowadays.

He'd point those feet over there. What is it? What is it that says on the knee? All right, so you want to know why she's turned around? Fred Favre isn't the only one selling Wranglers nowadays. He'd point those feet over there. A Wrangler's gonna go back in fashion. What is it that says on the knee? Alright, so you wanna know why she's turned around? So you can't see the... A? Look at the thing at ATE. What is ATE?

I bet that's Alabama... Oh... Tennessee. Where's she from? Like, what does ATE stand for? I bet it's correctional and stupid. Uh... Oregon.

I was saying it looked like some prison gear. Oh, it actually says Oregon right at the top. Okay. All right. Well, in any case, no. No, not this one. Yeah, it's got to be because I think she's wearing a shirt that matches. And I don't know a lot of jeans that have that kind of, you know, these aren't yoga pants.

These are jeans. Is she from Arizona? Let's look. No, Oregon. No, Oregon. She loves anything that gets her adrenaline pumping or spikes her blood pressure so this whole experience has probably just been a hoot

salt hey baby you wanna go eat a large order of french fries? I'll scare the fuck out of you after bubbly, charismatic, spontaneous and sometimes unpredictable we'll get some Taco Bell then watch part of the Babadook, not the whole thing. You still haven't finished that, have you?

No. I love the people. It wasn't scary at all. All you guys say it wasn't scary. Every time I go on our movies on Reddit, it's top. Everybody's naming it as one of the top five horror movies of the last decade. They're saying that it was horrifying.

They're kissing the movie's ass. I'm going to take the end of Babadook and put it right next to Game of Thrones audiobooks as media that you'll never finish consuming. I'm totally getting back to the Game of Thrones audiobooks, though. I didn't quit. I just stopped. You just got impatient. You just need to

pick up where you left off in the actual books because you'll tear through that way faster. Like, you're a pretty good reader. I'm telling you. I would say that he drove, like, 20 hours leading up to the shoot he did today, and I bet he didn't listen to any Game of Thrones. Yeah. I had to be focused on what I was doing.

It was – Did you guys – You guys saw the, like, map of my day that I sent, that I texted to you the other day? Absolutely absurd. My ADD is so bad, like I literally have to do that. Your adult management skills are so bad. You have to draw a Da Vinci code message like a five-year-old to get around town.

It's literally gas with a number and then a squiggly, a line that connects to another item. Your arrows that connect the steps. gas with a number and then a squiggly a line that connects to another item that steps and it's like the rationale is well it's so i know to get this thing too at the same location this is how i would do it i list all the things i need where's that thing at okay where's that thing at okay these things are at this place these things are at that straight line down right go to place a four things place b three it took five minutes for me to place A, four things. Place B, three things. It took five minutes for me to figure out your map. I was following the fucking arrows like, what does this mean?

Because there's no text, it's just words. Like, gas, five. Well, it works perfect for me. Smoke, six. Because the first thing I... See, that sounds easy when you know everything you need off the top of your head. You can be like, oh yeah, I need these 30 things. But in my case, I was sitting there like,

alright, what all do I need? Alright, this thing, that thing. And I made the list for like 10 minutes trying to figure out everything I needed, and then I had to put in the order that I needed to stop along the trip because they're in opposite directions and I live far from places. But during the time of you

drawing arrows everywhere, you could have just rewritten the list with all of them organized. Well, that would have been fun. You need to do a lot more than 10 minutes for your list time if you have hundreds of things to gather from a lot of different stores. 11, but okay. It's so not difficult.

But you don't understand. His penmanship is so nice. I think he appreciates drawing the arrows. He does have nice penmanship. I had fun drawing the arrows. I thought you did. He has excellent penmanship. Excellent penmanship. He'd be a calligrapher in another life.

Don't give me too much credit here. Well, everyone did think he was an effeminate signer. He is an effeminate signer. If someone had written that to me, I'd be like, does oh an eighth grader have a crush on me like an eighth grader well it looked like a young person a young girl's handwriting signs like kyle can eighth grade especially not today i don't know dead in it i like cursive Kyle. I would say that this fictional crush girl was at least a freshman I'm on your side

Okay, I have no education level not As a 12th grader you never know nowadays You know What okay? Okay as an old guy? I'm struggling with with some of this gay stuff. I know Transition is struggling with with some of this gay stuff i know when you're when you're discovering prostate exam you start to think at life a little differently prostate exam was awesome so late i was worried turns out i loved it but here's where i'm going with this i feel like in like in hope's circle, right? People she knows or goes to school with or whatever.

People she knows, brothers and sisters, etc. There are a fair amount of pansexuals, people who identify as both sexes. There are like, of course, there's gay people, which I kind of always understood. Gender fluid. gender fluid. Gender fluid. That was the next thing that was going to leave my mouth. People who are gender fluid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I knew a guy. This is all me. The first time I met him. The dude on the weekends. Fuck off. Yeah, dude. So this guy who I knew was gender fluid. I'm not going to give any hints away.

But the first time I met him, I wasn't really sure if he was a girl or a guy. And then as I saw him more, he's actually a really fit guy. Hold on, stop. First explain, is gender fluid from what I'm guessing you're saying? Is that where they can switch between whether they're a guy or a girl? Yeah. That's called cross-dressing, by the way. That's called cross-dressing.

It's a little different because there are people who cross dress who still think of themselves as guys they just yeah like it's their kink to dress as trans introvert there's there's the difference between transgender and transvestite so there are some dudes who like oscar de la joya remember the the boxing guy he likes to dress up in women's underwear but he's not gay he just he likes to bang chicks wearing women's underwear but there's also dudes who like to uh you know dress up like a girl because they want to be a girl is it's it's uh it's really hard to keep it all straight now i'm trying it's not that i don't understand the terms it's that i don't understand the frequency is it that people who went to say

high school in the 80s and 90s were repressed and unwilling to admit that they were gender fluid like sometimes they felt guy sometimes they felt girl or is it now that it's so trendy that people want to be gender fluid or one more option um i had it in my head they're repressed it's just so trendy or they're just not a fuck i forgot my third option i got a third one it's tumblr that's the third one since the invention of tumblr there's been about 30 000 subcategories of sexual orientation and gender well i think that it's like like i'm not even going to high school in the 80s or whatever you were saying it's not even that like far back like i went to high school like i was hope's age eight or nine years ago, and I hadn't

heard of any of these things. There was not a single person who acted like that, who came to school as a guy one day, and then a girl the next day, and then a guy the next day. It was like fluidly changing. I think mostly it's just that people are naturally confused at that age. Now that there is a label to prescribe to that, and it's getting kind of trendy, they're like, well, I can glob onto this, be trendy, and it kind of helps me explain in my own mind how I'm feeling, even if three years from now they're totally like, oh, yeah, you know, it was a phase. Or if not, let them do it.

That was my third option. I was waiting for my chance. But yeah, that was my third option. Third option is it's a confusing time. It's a time when people are figuring out if they're gay, right? It's a time when, like, I don't know, sexuality and stuff is all new to them. And maybe they're just, like, freaking sticking on labels until it fits. And there's no social, well, I'm sure there's social bias against it.

But there's limited social bias compared to old school. They need some concrete, like, neurological studies of these people when they become adults to yeah now we can label them and put them in boxes camps put them in camps but like see if there are actual differences like the hawaiians as they're developed yeah yeah before the show kyle was given hell the hawaiians i mean the fence doesn't even have to be that tall they're so fat like they're talking about building like a 30 foot tall fence to keep the Mexicans out. You build a 6-foot fence. Those fucking Hawaiians are stuck.

They're jumping and digging. If they can cross the ocean, they're going to climb a fence. What ocean did they cross? They can't cross that. They live on that fucking volcano. I never saw them go. You ever see them paddling up into San Diego? Well, Cuba's closer.

I'd get there somehow. So someone at some point did that. Yeah, I suppose so. They just lived there. Yeah, they got there by ship. I have a theory about warm climates. They're paddled across. I'm sure I'm not the first to come up with it,

but I think that if you're in a really great climate, then your culture might not succeed. You know, if there's bananas hanging on every tree and crops are great and your soil is mega fertile, then you're not really driven to succeed. You know, like you don't even have to build a house because your hammock and hut, you know, grass hut or whatever, will do the job just fine, and you stop. The thing is that they say necessity is the mother of invention, and if you don't have any necessity, then you don't have any invention.

I don't know about that. Look at all the Nordic states. They have oil. They have oil. That's it, though. The weather sucks. It's not like today's oil. I feel like the Nordic states are like thriving and industrial and what's africa's excuse yeah so they got it's a harsh climate and still in those huts okay okay we'll circle back to africa and they have tons of resources um but i feel like the nordic states follow my idea you know if you're in nordic state or even down a little bit to be like Russia or England or probably not Ireland, they're awful, right? But

then you have to have good housing. You have to have heat. You know, you're inspired to put in electricity because you're driven to do it. Whereas if you're in Jamaica, well shucks, you know? All your crops are gonna do great. If you even need a crop, because there's coconuts and bananas falling out of the sky. Yeah. It's like, do I really want to go through the effort of all this other shit to be a modicum more comfortable?

It's like, no, life's already pretty sweet. Whereas with Sweden and Norway, for centuries, they had to evolve and advance and make better shit. Fight the Vikings. Because it was awful and cold. And then when it became so that oil was a viable resource to use, they had the ability to use it because they had dealt with those centuries of shit

and that freezing tundra. And I feel like Africa, when you get to the spots that are further from the equator, they get to be more successful countries, right? It's Central Africa where all the trouble is. But if you go to South Africa right it's central africa where all the trouble is but um you know if you go to like south africa it's fairly industrialized and if you go to north africa we're like well that was kind of south africa was like a bridge colony though i mean

that's true yeah so they had some out a lot more outside influence i guess i thought is it central central africa's bad but west africa that's really bad, right? Or am I reversing that? I think West Africa, that's where Morocco is. I think they're doing okay. Isn't that where Nigeria is, though? East Africa is where Somalia is. East Africa is Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania, Sudan. These are not thriving places.

Somalia is East Africa, too. And then as you go West Africa you know Nigeria and Congo gives the best part about this is there aren't any like actual Africans listening this that are gonna give us any shit about this like no the Sudan is great let's do that is powerful no that won't happen no there's got to be one a couple a couple people in the city they got diamonds and rubber and tons of they need more rubbers that's for sure they've got they've got issues with aids well if if the pope hadn't been telling him for so long thank you that was against jesus i mean as soon as they figure out that

grinding up albino people and eating their body parts won't cure aids then you know what kyle hold on it's never been proven. Yeah, the jury's out on that, so let's not jump to conclusions. Well, we should at least let them know that raping a virgin will also not help you get rid of AIDS. And maybe then... ...the condoms. Because right now, they think they've got... Once again...

...suprises. They're like, oh, get AIDS! Not proven. Rape a virgin? That doesn't work? Easy. What was the other thing I said? Oh, eat an albino. I got an albino virgin right over there. I'm good. Have you guys seen... The logic's not bad. It's like cleaning your dick. This person's never been

with anyone before. I'm cleansing myself through them, alright? The logic is awful, Chiz. This is not good logic at all. Have you guys seen Long Way Down? No, I haven't heard of it. It's cool. So, I'm going to screw up his name, but Ewan McGregor?

Is that how you pronounce the Star Wars dude's name? Ewan? Pretty close. I think it's E-W-A-N, and I don't know how to pronounce that. Ewan McGregor. And Charlie Boomer, I hope. Did I get that? No?

I don't even know. Let's go with Charlie Boomer. Yeah, Charlie Boomer. Anyway, these two people are good friends. They're both actors, and they look at the map of the world, and they say, you know what? Like, that little bit between...

Is it the Bering Strait between Alaska and the Soviet Union? Is that where the Bering Strait is? It's really thin. And they're like, we could ride our motorcycles around the world. We'll start in London and then we'll go west through like, you know, I'm sorry. Then they'll go east through Eastern Europe and all those like Soviet bloc countries, the Ukraine, etc. They go into the Soviet Union through Mongolia and Tanzania, maybe. And then up to the Soviet Union across through Mongolia and Tanzania, maybe? And then up through the Soviet Union, across to Alaska, through Canada.

They enter the U.S. in like Detroit-ish area. No, I'm sorry, North Dakota. And then they go to New York, take a boat back to, or take a plane back across the Atlantic, and then they finish the short scoot over back to London. So, they ride their motorcycles the long way around. Long way down, back back on topic they go from scotland up at the top of the uk there down to south africa these are pka adventures but why would you do that to yourself no that's off you know what that's one of those that's one of those adventures that they started they got like 400 miles in and one guy was to the other like when

the cameras were off like oh my god what have we done this is horrible this is the worst thing we could have done we're about to enter the congo there's child soldiers at every post and he's like dude if we turn back now they're gonna call us a bitch they're gonna make fun of us for not going all the way around we have to go all the way down to south africa like this was a spite adventure they weren't enjoying this so um i i felt like they were pretty honest about it uh there were parts of it that they just loved and the parts they just loved i didn't feel like where the real memories were built and um but it was kind of cool to see etc they camped mostly right so they

just like stay back and forth but a lot of times they just pull over on the side of the road sometimes well off the roads that like traveling soldiers and bandits and stuff wouldn't find them and uh and they stayed in tents as you do you know and uh but the pk adventure and the hard parts the hard parts were the parts that they kind of remember and he even sang and he's like when this is over i'll look back on it and be like i did a thing you know that that that like 400 miles of silt we just rode a motorcycle through like that was a like that's a thing, you know, that that that like 400 miles of silt we just rode a motorcycle through. Like that was it. Like that's a thing I accomplished, a thing that not everybody has done. And it just like it, dude, Ewan, call me. I'm down for a lot of things more than more than even Kyle will sign off on.

I will do whatever trip you want. But nowhere where there's roaming bandits and people in militia just walking down the street and I have to camp 100 yards off the road. That's where I've crossed the line. What I thought was fun. Yeah, no, I've got a great trip, a big adventure for Chiz. You have to take a plane from L.A. to Salt Lake City.

Just one way. You can take the Greyhound back. Just a plane, a two-hour plane ride back just a plane two hour plane ride it'll be you know it'll be insurmountable they will have no pretzels on a flight that short drink a lot and the bathrooms are kind of small but i'd love to see some footage of that no one will still say it's still a thing right what i said no bandits and tsa is still a thing huh well tsa isn't gonna you know hold you for captive on a grainy webcam you don't know that you see no but when i was thinking about woody's adventure he was explaining if those guys had

died in like somalia or wherever they were driving through on their motorcycles on their you know western let's have a hoot let's go do on do all this adventure stuff if they had died or been kidnapped i would look at it the same way as those two guys who got mauled by that tiger because they just spent too long fucking with it it's like yeah you're right yeah sorry you died you shouldn't have been there you shouldn't be gallivanting around somalia on your motorcycle camping so the bandits don't find you as if they couldn't if they wanted like that's just yeah it sounds like you're wanting to drive around the world, and that sounds real dangerous. Yeah.

The one that goes laterally. Laterally is fine, right? It's once you get past the equator, we're getting into roaming bandits and stuff. If you told me you wanted to drive across the state, I'd be like... The state? The whole way? Oh my god, it's not even... I'd be like, you know, if we go halfway across the stage... Does your vagina lubricate itself, or do you have to get a bottle of K-Y, Kyle?

Like, going across... Like, just the motorcycle riding thing. Like, Kyle, you sound like you need a bigger trip. I'm not against the motorcycle thing. You'd be emotionally richer for having done it. I stand in the middle for the motorcycle thing. Skill-wise, I'm right next to Kyle, but I'm off and learning. I keep arguing, watch the fucking Top Gear Cheap Car Challenge things

where they do these trips, but they do them in cars, and it's way more fun and entertaining. That's true, and the great thing about those adventures is they're backed by a multi-billion dollar media corporation that can help them out in any possible circumstance, followed by vans of security. Do you think they're actually out there in a 1981 Mazda Miata hoping for the best? No.

There's like six guys in a van with sandwiches behind them. Hey, they drove through Chernobyl. Yeah, with a bunch of safety vans behind them. The Longway guys had the same thing. So they had a third motorcycle. He was the cameraman. He'd get shots of them all the time. And then they also had chase vehicles who they rendezvoused with every so often.

Oftentimes the chase vehicles were behind him staying out of the way. But I think they often camped together, et cetera. That's why Long Way Down, right, Scotland to South Africa is too ambitious. However, something like Seattle to Alaska, dude, that's mostly paved. Or Chiz doesn't like Alaska. He wants to go to where? Prudhoe Bay? Is that what it's called?

Prudhoe Bay. It's as far north as you can go on the Dalton Highway. Dude, that's a thing. Like, that would be awesome. I mean, if me and Kyle could hang out in the Jeep Grand Cherokee 30 yards behind and we had a portable DVD player or a laptop, that's a trip. The challenge is when you get that that it makes my idea look stupid We all need to be like equivalently stupid like what he said

Like bugs stuck to his teeth. We all stop at the rest of me and me and Taylor get out Yeah, yeah that comfort pillow man it really conforms to your neck Yeah, I feel great. Woody's all fucked up. They're walking like bow-legged, him and Chiz. Chiz's thighs are raw from riding this motorcycle. I have a trike. I have a trike. No, I would want like

cut edits from you guys riding there with like six hats on, snot frozen into stalactites wrapping around your face, and then it cuts to me and Kyle sitting there. He's driving, and I'm like, you want to watch Inception again? You're like, fuck, I gotta stop.

Life is so rough, we're out of DVDs. Oh, the phone charger broke. There's no service here. We can't watch Amazon. God damn it, why don't you pack more DVDs? Crisis! Dude, when you say that like i would be down for that like what you just i would be okay for a road trip with like four people in a car

or an suv this idea is a little more long you just said you wouldn't drive across the state you vagina i was that's hyperbole i'm joking but here's the thing um so as you know, Chiz is going to move to my guest home this month, actually. It's really not far away. Do you have a date picked out? I forgot what it was. It's like the last week of August or something. Last week of August. You got to quit smoking.

Now's good. You can just put that out. Yeah, last week of August. Survival trip time. Nope. It's a different week. No? Over this.

Yeah. It's almost like you don't pay attention on purpose. You're the reason it's not the last week of August. I have that shotgun thing to do. That's true. All right. So anyway, back on topic. So he's going to be here, and we're going to build.

I guess we'll do the stable first as all the sponsors and stuff is lining up for the shop. After we build the shop, we could restore a car, make a video series out of it, and then take the car somewhere. I don't know what we'll restore. I'm flexible on it. It could be a charger or something

with good back seats, I guess. Then we'll take that car. I have suggestions. I have a lot of suggestions about the actual artistic. Finish your plan. I don't know. We could restore like a 55 Bel Air or something. Like I'm pretty flexible on it. I like air conditioning. And then take it somewhere. Do a thing. We can go to like the mountains of Vermont and check things out. We could go to like, I don't know, Grand Canyon.

Just like a road trip hmm that would be fun maybe I could bring one of my dad's cars with me and do that we could all get all go in an old car it'd be fun to ride together though there has to be something at the end of a long road trip like you can't just go to the northernmost point just to be like wow look at how north we are guys like you need to... So the things I planned out are like one, the Perdeaux trip, or you

go from the farthest continuous state point west or to east. And then I also sent Woody a map of a grand road trip. That looked great, but pretty long. Pretty long, but it is grand. Yeah. So what he did is... It to vermont and stopped it was a

route of america that took interesting roads and visited interesting things and hit every state so that's a pretty big trip so like one of kyle's maps like i gotta pick up you know gas ticket in kentucky no because that was one continuous line. Kyle's map makes a bunch of detours. But someone had, in my opinion, mapped out a really interesting way to travel to every state. But it might be a little ambitious. I feel like it could be... Sponsored by Toyota. So I don't know what everybody wants to do.

But it just occurred to me that it would be fun to do a road trip. And everybody in the same car. An old car going on a road trip is a mistake. Even the best restored one. You're not going to replace every piece on that car. I don't know. My dad's got three or four cars he's restored, and they're all the time. Not all the time, but occasionally something will happen, and it's a thing.

You might not want to go cross-country in a car like that. I think you want a nice SUV with three rows so people can stretch out, DVD player, AC that's 2015. RV. RV would be so sick. If you get an RV, I'll go anywhere. It would take a lot longer. Fuck it. And an eight-mile-a-gallon. I mean, it's an RV. Who take I'll drive I'll go anywhere it would take a lot longer fuck it and an eight miles a gallon has has like a bunch of horse shit in it though where it's like you're in Rhode Island for one exit and then you peel off into

another state and then you kind of stay there it's like you're bouncing like you're not going to a restaurant in every state or anything no yeah like do an activity everywhere. I don't want to drive to any states where I can't have my gun, though. Well, that's like, how many states is that? Too many. A handful of the Northeast, really. Parts of the Northeast.

I don't know. Once you get out West, you're home free until California, for the most part. Yeah. Well, this is pretty cool. All right. So, new topic? You guys down for me new topic you guys don't work yeah all right okay this is an am I an asshole or who is the asshole type thing I know America loves these but this one's a little different because it's in video

form so I'm gonna show you two videos the first one is what this gentleman was filming with his drone and the second one is going to be what happened during the filming. Here's the first one. Oh, wait, wait, wait. People are going to be so happy that I'm doing Watch Together. Create your room.

I tested this offline and got the idea. Yeah, I've seen that before, too. This could revolutionize the entire yeah I've seen that before too well this could revolutionize you just doesn't so now hold on on this trying to well fuck I'm sorry I need to change the video I need to invite our invite friends is this through Skype that will be getting it'll just be a link I'm gonna give you a link say yes so you guys please come there and now I need to change the video somehow that singing forever to load this thing there we go I

can't possibly have to let this whole freaking thing play. How do I change? Someone out here knows how to do this. Oh, here it is. Oh, shucks. Hang in there. I've got this all figured out. I just need to do it now. There we are. Are you guys all here? Holy noise. So here's what the guy was trying to film. Oh, shit. He's got a big screen.

This shot of the boardwalk is what he's trying to film yes that was that was what he was doing whatever people need stock footage and stuff it's a business so that's a thing that was an ad yeah right um here are you guys turning the volume i can't get my volume low enough in this thing i turned mine all the way down i turned mine 100 down because it was getting Are you guys turning the volume? I can't get my volume low enough in this thing. I turned mine all the way down. I turned mine 100% down because I was getting a lot of feedback. It was crazy. Okay. So anyway, here is what happened during the filming.

So there's a drone going around Pacific Beach, San Diego, looking at a pier. There's some fishermen looking at the drone. The guy's frantically pulling up his line motherfuckers spotting it sniped it no yeah he caught the drone with his fishing line and you can see it's hooked on to it what an asshole let me see you get reeled in come on you're to be disappointed. It's just a bunch of replays of the catch. But yeah. What an ass.

That's, you know, he can't even be that big of an ass. That's impressive. Yeah, those things are expensive. That's not, that's not cool. Sorry, I think I made it pause when I tried to go to full screen or something. Just wanted to be bigger. But yeah. This is like some spaghetti western music.

I feel like it should be cutting back and forth between Clint Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef. For audio listeners, what happened was the guy frantically reeled up his fishing rod, flung it at the drone, and caught it with his hook in midair. And then now it's just showing some footage of him trying to untangle the fishing line from the propeller. Yeah. At the end of the day, it's a douche thing to do. But it's also really funny that he was able to catch a drone like that.

Now, is it a douche thing to do to fly a drone over a bunch of people fishing? No. That's lower on the douche meter. On the beach there, I feel really... It's not even douchey. Like, that's public property. How is that at all douchey? There's a different a much that's lower on the douche meter on the beach there. I feel not even douchey like that's public property It is that there's a different It's a different it's like somebody ran by with a video camera and did this like would you call that guy an asshole?

Maybe no like there's a distinctly different feeling of than someone holding a camera up where there's a face associated with it You see who's recording you you know what's going on then there is where you just see some nameless faceless drone you don't know the intentions of it you don't know what it's looking for it's the pier where they're fishing it's not like it's hovering over apartment houses and there's a guy masturbating remotely somewhere it's the fucking dock don't judge me so the whatever you know my hobbies are my hobbies the um what if it was a beach what if it was a beach and there were you know men and women sunbathing on the beach and there was a drone flying around it was a beach? I'm just saying there's a stigma. What if it was a beach and there were men and women sunbathing on the beach and there was a drone flying around? It's a public place.

There's no expectation of privacy. But still. Yeah, I agree with Woody there. There's no expectation of privacy insofar as the people can film you. But it is creepy to go around. You should be arrested. Totally. Which guy?

Which guy? The guy who knocked the drone down. He attacked property. Yeah. I think a bigger asshole is someone who flies a biplane over the beach and you've got noise pollution going on. Did you guys all leave the room? Yeah. You could potentially leave it up

and we'll use it again. I'll go back. But it's not a big deal. Carry on. not an asshole not an asshole so wait you say not an asshole fisherman no the fisherman's an asshole i think that's unanimous i have a thing against fishermen i'm totally when i used to so uh for people explain this all of them your thing against fishermen all of them yeah fucking fishermen so i. All of them. Yeah, fucking fishermen. So I grew up. Tied up in their hooks while surfing or something.

I grew up off 14th Street in Ocean City. And at the end of 14th Street, there's a fishing pier. Something about piers in the water caused the sand to build up. And that makes the waves break off the pier particularly nicely like it it's just better and also as a surfer like you get to know the beach and where the waves break and the fishing pier just like it really lets you know how far out you are you can like visually get back to the same spot that just worked for you in a way that's more difficult if it's just like a

straight beach without references so surfers fish next to the pier. That's a thing. The fishermen hate it. They're always like yelling at the surfers, like picking on the surfers. They would cast their lines at us and try and hit us. And sometimes successfully hit us. I had a friend who used to surf with wire cutters, just little pliers, and cut their lines and shit. And they'd even have to hit him like if they're casting edam

he'd go over to it cut the line fuck you you know like those things have sinkers on them like that would hurt and um and hooks yeah what if he hooks you out there part right like it's a problem he could drown you out there if he hooks you right and you get tangled in that line i didn't think of myself as like like you know a defenseless child at the time but i was between like 12 and 18 when most of this happened you know they're casting at fucking like 13 year olds like ah fucker out there fish out there surfing right here in my ocean. Fuck you. God. That's not a cool thing. That's true. You hate all fishermen, didn't you?

I recall you just giving a story a couple of piques ago where you ran a jet ski so hard it ran out of gas, and a nice old fisherman saved you and brought you back to shore. That was a boater. I recall the words fisherman being thrown around. Who happened to have fish. I don't know if he was a fisherman or not. I may have called him that. There was a poleater i recall the words who happened to have fish you know i don't know if he was a fisherman or not i may have called him that there was a pole in the boat he was i don't remember it was eons ago uh he may have been a fisherman but uh to be fair a lot of surfers are assholes

as well they're very rude to the other i feel like it was fishermen are asshole to the surfers surfers are assholes to everyone else on the beach everyone else this is my wave bro dude as i got older i made it a point of like striking back and stuff like like um one thing we used to do a lot was jump off the fishing pier so the fishing pier was an exclusive club you know you had to like pay rent or monthly dues or something to get on it and there's barbed wire like coming off the fishing pier to like stop you from from climbing it and getting on but the barbed wire wasn't done well enough to keep me out so i would routinely just fucking like get on the fishing pier start running and uh they knew i didn't belong and they'd be like

you know get him get him get him and I'm just booking down the fishing pier. You fuckers are 75 years old. You're not getting shit. Then when I got to the end of the pier, I'm trapped, but I'm not trapped because this is when I jump off the pier and swim away. I used to do that as a hobby. I would do it just to, I don't know, friends I didn't see. I'd be like, you want to see me jump off that fucking beer and uh and i would run in why i wonder why the fisherman

didn't like you as you're right it's a curious thing but uh that i can understand why the fishermen didn't like the surfers if you were being all rambunctious running around stomping sending vibrations into the water scaring the fish or whatever it is and also like from their perspective because i've never been a huge fisherman, and I've never surfed, but from their perspective, it's like, we have this one area to fish out in the water. You have as far as the eye can see.

You have the whole ocean. Go 600 yards down that way, and if that's not good enough, go another 500 yards. Go half a mile past that. You know what it is? It's still a fucking ocean. You have all that space, and you're cutting our wires and fucking with us. Granted, it's mean to throw things at you and try and catch you like you're a piece of meat,

but I can understand why they were aggravated. I feel like this is like a lions and hyenas thing, right? Like, it's just natural enemies, mortal enemies, whatever it's called. And, like, in my personal journey on this thing, I started as just an innocent child who got cast at and picked on until eventually I evolved into an older child who could strike back to some extent. But to them, I was probably just like a future punk, which I guess wasn't too far off. Well, I mean, it's a current punk. It happened as you ran on the pier.

It's like a terrorist man like you kill someone now that child's father has been murdered and he becomes a terrorist right so in my head like their actions formed me like they created the terrorist i became it's true That's a good way to rationalize what the series is. There's such a simple solution to this though. Wait, what? I'm sorry? There's such a simple solution though. Taylor was thinking exactly what I was thinking. Like, you have a little tiny dock here. You know, that or get in a fucking boat if you're a fisherman. And the surfers

have the entire beachfront to go wherever they want. Yeah, and if it really is a matter of like, oh. And if you needed to keep an eye distance, I'm this far out, you can still see the fishing dock. Well have two counters for that one i live there like that was in my head like my beach this is my local beach when i when i exit like my door walk two blocks this is my beach i'm here to say you no they don't they come from all over they've got one fucking spot like to me you live miles from here this is my beach they're literally paying money to access the dock though it doesn't matter which make like fucking the money that you use for all your elaborate elective classes over there at school in my head it was

like oh exclusive club do you have any gray poupon you fucking 75 year old bitch so um yeah yeah well there's a lot of hate in there so uh i couldn't tell and the other thing like i was saying earlier this beach with the pier on it was a better surfing place than like not all not all beaches are created equal like a lot of beaches you just would never surf on they suck but uh because of the pier the waves would break in a better way so you shouldn't surf on any beach there are sharks in there and it's irresponsible but um no but i can understand both sides there except for the it's my beach you know like that that's kind of silly like when you said they come from all over that's like when people come out

you know that's one of those things when people come from out of town to surf at your beach and there's a rivalry now the hometown surfers versus the out of town surfers. That shit happens all the time and it's absurd. It is super common. It's like a giant pissing match. I see all sides of it. But it's my beach stemmed from like, hey, you could go anywhere. And it's like, well, I should be able to surf in my backyard.

You can't take it from me. Everyone has a home court and this was mine that's true it sounds like they're trying to share it with you aside casting at me that like that's how my relationship with them started I'm just out there surfing like not knowing anything and they're going at me and there were signs that said stay this far away and I would they casted the first cast they did they did they cast even though i'm like and i'm like i point to him like there's the there's a big um piling in the sand that showed you like marked how far away you're supposed to be it's

like i'm past the piling and they're still casting at me and at which point like if you don't respect the piling neither do i until i got to the point where i'd shoot the pier and surf right through it fuck him i think both parties are at fault i'm gonna give until I got to the point where I'd shoot the period surf right through it fucking I think both parties are at fault I'm gonna give extra asshole points the fishermen though because I don't care how old you are You could poke somebody's fucking eye out with a goddamn lure also. It's true. Did you work for Woody? So it's a safe side to take But but the other side of it is like the servers are usually kids like I feel like this is adults picking on children That is wrong with that nothing wrong with that character If you're hard to pick on adults, you know, they're paying so like be an asshole you want I

Want Kyle's perspective on this were they who is you know? you can I think they're all assholes because they're like enjoying themselves at a beach and that's like People don't belong at the beach. There's salt water and sand that what what about the beach screams? Oh people should be here like no nothing nothing about the beach. Just like food there I don't I don't care. There's because people bring the food there people know the time of there. That's ago This carts. It's a source of food the ocean Oh, that's not a fish. It's a source of food, the ocean.

Oh, well, that's a dumb argument. You eating that New Jersey fish. He asked what about the beach screams people should be there. Yeah, but most people aren't going to the beach for their fucking food of the day, though. No, no, but I was talking about more of like a natural state of things. Like, you know, what about the beach? Like early man. Yeah, early man. Like, I bet a lot of early people who were near the beach used the beach as a food source.

It's 2015, though. If you're going to the beach, you're an asshole. There's nothing there for us. There's nothing there for us. All those silly beach sports are dumb. The idea of beach volleyball, first of all, I think those chicks are super hot, and I like watching women's beach volleyball. I was going to say bikinis and cocoa butter. You don't like the beach. Well, there's no problem with beach volleyball. That's an actual sport because you're directly competing. Like surfing and stuff like that, that's's an activity it's not a sport all those things the salt i hate the salt water i hate the sand there's more sun there because it's reflecting off the sun uh sand like we talked about the other day no it's a it's a i'd rather

be the fucking desert they're equal to me the ocean the beach and the desert like both of them are the same i have no vastly different no i mean as far as like some enjoyment that i'm gonna have there like when always people often invite me to beaches they're like oh we're going to florida we're going to panama we're going here there i'm just like fuck no i'd rather go to akron ohio absolutely not like no i don't like the beach i hate the beach i really really do what happened to you at the beach nothing i just never had a pleasant stuff i mean i've been yeah i hate the salt water i really do it burns my eyes i'm not a big fan of the beach either like if it was like beach or we go to tahoe or something i'm

gonna pick tahoe i feel like everybody else is just dealing fuck you you know fuck the beach you know i don't have that kind of stance on the map i feel like everybody else must be just pretending like they like they're not itchy as fuck every time they step out of the salt water like when i step out of salt water and i dry i'm immediately like it like the salt's all over me i can feel it i'm itchy everywhere yeah i get that i hate it we had an outdoor shower we just rinse off uh you wouldn't want to be yeah unless you're like going in and out of the water you probably want to rinse off. But I'm more about, see, the beach isn't my cup of tea. The ocean is. The beach activities don't really interest me.

Water activities do. I never spent much time on the sand, unless I was working. But the, uh. Beach ain't that cool. Ocean ain't that cool. Right there where they meet, there you can wade in, do a little body surfing. That's a good spot right there.

The risk of being dragged out is very minimal. Shark attacks on the lower side of things. And I can still play in the sand. I can see that, I suppose, although I have no interest in those activities because, once again, you're in that salt water, which is poisonous to us. You're out there in that poison water. But the people who sit on the beach on like on like a towel or in a chair just tanning out there that's another group of people they can go with the hawaiians

i don't get it like what the fuck are you doing out there if you can still touch the sand keep going that's my opinion on the beach the good shit is further out i hate it every now and then they talk about global warming by this year they show the water levels rising and I'm like, that ought to kill all the worst people in the world alright, now we're talking yeah, they're not going to move

if we can wipe out all those beach goers by raising the sea levels 15 feet or something like that good, good give me some more aerosol cans I'll drive an F-250 just spray and hair spray out for no reason I'll spray. Give me some more aerosol cans. I'll drive an F-250. Yeah. Just spray and hair spray out for no reason. Let your car idle all day and night.

Doing your part. I was listening to Rush Limbaugh deny climate change for about an hour today. It was hilarious. As you do. He brought up George Bush and the arsenic thing and explained it away real quick. He was like, they're making a big deal over such a small amount of arsenic. We're not talking about a huge amount of arsenic in the water. Minuscule amounts of arsenic.

And it's like, I don't want any fucking arsenic in my water. Like, what are you talking about? It's a good Rush Limbaugh. Ah. Are you listening to Rush Limbaugh for an hour today? Yeah. Not today. The day before yesterday, I guess.

Yesterday or the day before, something like that. I've been driving around. I drove like 500 miles in two days, just quick trips driving around, like getting supplies together. So I was in the car a lot. I mentioned the map earlier, okay? It takes some time to travel. Do you guys need a new topic?

Yeah. All right, dude. The graphics in Fallout 4 look amazing. Have you guys seen this screenshot yet? No. Is that from... Oh. You tricked me for a second.

I was like, man, I thought it was going to be in Boston. I just didn't think this was Fallout 4. There's Chinese characters in the bottom right corner. It looks good. So this is from the explosion in that port city or... Zhangjing or something like that? Zhangjing. Zhangjing.

Jingjiang. And anyway, let me go pee, and then I want to watch that live leak video of the actual explosion. I'll set it up on Watch Together and see if it works with live leak. Yeah, I really, really like explosions, so I enjoy this video a lot. Yeah, you do. I kind of forgot that. Well, I closed...

Yeah, was explosion killed? Like, how many people was it that actually died? Only, like... I say only because it was such a big fucking explosion, but, like, 40 or something was the most recent number I saw in, like, 500 hertz. I'm sure there's enough... I thought it was going to be thousands of people

when I saw the explosion explosion that YouTube video of it Okay, it doesn't look like live leak works with this watch together thing So so we'll have to use the actual live leak Link which I provided See okay 50 confirmed dead 12 which are firefighters 500 people are hospitalized 71 in critical condition how many americans dead that's that's the real number right not a one so a year zero no americans have died how is this newsworthy, it's because it's a gigantic, impressive explosion. And it's probably got a lot of YouTube hits.

I haven't checked, but this live leak one already has over half a million. It happened, what, yesterday? Yesterday evening? Two evenings ago? It was pretty early in the morning, actually. Oh. I wish. I don't know.

News caught on real quick about it. They were selling it as a nuke going off. Oh, really? Well, that's how it looked They were selling it as a nuke going off. Oh, really? Well, that's how it looked like. It looks like a nuke went off. It's so big. Do you think this is actually what they're saying it is, like the gas leak or whatever it was, the chemical warehouse?

Or do you think something was going, something nefarious? I think it was, but I made the joke yesterday to Woody and Kyle that yesterday China diluted a bunch of their currency or whatever, and caused the u.s markets to drop like nearly two percent or whatever everybody was freaking out and then right after that this thing in china happened and then the markets corrected so i'm not saying obama sent in a legendary explosive assassin but in my hbo miniseries that's what happened. Oh, yeah. So in Chiz's opinion, this was a net positive. Totally.

Yeah. There's some firefighters that, like what he said, they're not American. They don't qualify as people. Jesus Christ. Oh, like there's real people outside America. Come on, that firewall is blocking this podcast anyway. Let's be real. That's true. Did you hear the interesting thing? They've been reading government

emails since 2010 or whatever. They're private government emails. China has? Yeah, they've been reading our private government correspondences, government officials back and forth since 2010. It's a weird thing. Have we known about that? Probably. I'm sure it wasn't... I don't know. Have we known about that? Probably.

I'm sure it wasn't... I don't know if we've known about it, but I'm sure the government wasn't just now hearing about it. I'm sure they know every time China hacks them for the most part. I don't know why anyone thinks that's weird. Like everyone is hacking one another or trying to at a constant rate. I worry that we're not the best at it. Like America really should lead in hacking.

Now, it's possible we are and we're not getting caught. Like like america really should lead in hacking now it's possible we are and we're not getting caught like these other rookies you know like they've been reading everything since 2010 it's totally possible they're like yeah let them keep thinking that let them think all that fake stuff we've been writing is the real ones well we are the ones that have developed all of the giant surveillance systems and sanctioned the ones that are in the uk that are even bigger and broader you know you don't hear well you don't hear anything that comes out of china that's the issue though you don't know what's true or not i i just their economy's booming but you know a lot of those things are doctored and faked yeah that's how do you know that because it comes out from

people that work there and come from those like not executives like officials and stuff they they tell the truth when they come over here and stuff and the the chinese stock market like crashed or crashed ish uh like a couple weeks ago because i'm telling you if you're investing in an emerging on any emerging economy whether it be china or brazil or chile or venez Venezuela or whatever. Like, you need to consider the real risk that their books are fake. So for all of you out there who are thinking of investing in one of these emerging economies. I'm telling you, I don't. No, it's a real thing. Like, Alibaba was the biggest IPO on the U.S. markets ever.

That's a Chinese company. They're bigger than Amazon and stuff. They're the Amazon of China or whatever. And they're huge. But their books are faked and they've got a lawsuit against them now. And that's not like an isolated thing. Like I don't invest in like I don't invest heavily anyway in these emerging economies. If I do own it, it's because some fund I own owns it or something. But, like I, I don't want to get in an investing talk, we're getting off track here. But I used to think of risk as like how brave you are. Are you willing to make a lot of money?

You know, like, are you, like it, just tell me, do you have what it takes to buy Chinese stocks? Because no pussies are, you know, can do this. And it's like, you know, yes, Iussies can do this. And it's like, yes, I have a huge risk tolerance. I'm willing to quadruple or ten bag it. There's no limit on how much I'm willing to make. But now I look at risk a lot differently. It's like, you need to keep in mind that when you invest in these things, they go up and down in a crazy way.

At some point, this will get wiped out. And you're rolling the dice like a roulette table, which is not a place you'd roll dice. It's going to come up wrong one of these times. One of these times, it's going to land on the green and you'll be fucked. And you need to hop out before that happens. And you're really kind of taking a chance here.

Risk in the stock market will wipe you out. And you'll be like, I just want to invest in a foreign economy. Like, I've heard that before. Like, what do you do? Be like, I'm going to invest in Venezuela. Like, what do you go for? Well, there's tons. Like I just said, there's tons of.

Well, one, there's the Chinese markets or whatever. You can do that. But that's weird. But like, there's Chinese companies that IPO and are on American exchanges and stuff, like I said. But their books and everything are in China and with Chinese people running them and stuff. But they can be on an American exchange or whatever. Yeah, because our bankers are so much more honest. There's the SEC.

Yeah. There's a regulatory committee. It's, like... They take it very seriously yeah every now and then like something goes wrong but they're caught and it's like a big news story like can you believe WorldCom faked their books can you believe Nortel like you know filed late or something or had to revise it and they can't come after them either it's not like an American company on an American exchange it's a Chinese company on the American exchange. If they doctor their books, like,

where they delist them, like that's the worst. They can't come and arrest anyone. Yeah. Well, that's pissing me right off. I don't like that. And to answer Taylor's- I think we should, go ahead. I'm sorry.

Taylor asked me a question and I didn't get back to him, but there's only two ways I know how to invest. One is if they're on the American stock market, then it's as straightforward as buying any other stock. Or two, you can buy a fund, and then that fund manager will do that and such. So that's how I would buy into a foreign stock. Get a Chinese ETF.

There you go. Yes, get a Chinese ETF. You know, I currently have five Chinese ETFs. Just in case. I bought two safety ones in case the other three ETFs don't pull through. The Cuba ETF would have been smart a year ago. I've moved past ETFs if I'm being honest.

Based on my dividends and percentages, I should be on Easy Street sitting pretty in a bit. Yeah, 22 years. Easy Street, a couple miles away from Wall Street and Main Street. Easy Street.

Yep. So do you want to watch some of these people burn and explode? Oh, wow. Yeah, you ever see that scene in Terminator 2 where the nuclear fireball hits Sarah Connor and she's like, ah! Let's watch that. Right away. So it's hard to queue up at zero. I'm kind of queued up at one.

No, no, watch together. Go to the lively thing. Yeah, this one doesn't work with watch together. That is true. All right, well, I have that queued up somewhere. Let me just find it. I also have it linked. You linked it.

It's the most recent link. I haven't seen this video. I've seen the other ones. This is probably the best one. I've seen a bunch. I saw one that took six angles and synced them, and that was pretty good, too. But this one's the best.

You won't... Also, it has't also It has vertical footage, but it Every Chinese footage I've seen they shake the camera. They're like It's like you fucker ever all missing this but uh These people appear to be American because you can hear him talking and they think of steady. Are you ready? set play people appear to be American because you can hear him talking and they go steady. Are you ready? Set, play. Whoa! Holy shit! Did you get that? Fuck yeah, I'm videoing that.

So I think that's equivalent to three tons of TNT. I think that might be a gas station or something. This next explosion is about one thousand... Whoa!...the Hiroshima explosion. She is laughing her pants off. That's 21 tons of... Holy smokes. This explosion is...

It's three times taller than any building. It's... Why are they all laughing? Look at how... That's incredible. I think there's one more boom. That's incredible. That's a huge explosion. And you can see, it looks like

gas is in there burning. Just the way it's... There it is. Yes! That was awesome. That's a real fucking explosion. Alright, something big just blew up there. That's awesome. That's a real fucking explosion all right something big just blew up there That was awesome. That was a major laughing has stopped because that one got a little closer to them Yeah, they felt that one. That's crazy like all jokes aside like

That's a really big deal like I wonder how destroy. I guess we saw the cars you're the fallout 4 picture how destroyed i guess we saw the cars you're the fallout 4 picture i'm having a hard time hearing you're having a hard time hearing caring no caring i'm having hard time caring because they're not americans i feel like the chinese are like i feel like the chinese are more our enemy than like the iraqis or everywhere you know what i Like, I feel like the Chinese are actively every day trying to undermine our, undermine our way of life in every way they can. Whether it's our economy economically or, or through trade deals, they're,

they're always trying to fuck us over. They're not these people. These are just firefighters and normal people. Probably. Maybe there's like an evil Chinese genius in there that was concocting something, but these are just normal people. That's like them seeing 9-11 and being like, oh, take that, assholes.

They've been undermining our way of life. I don't separate the two. That's fair. Yeah, why would you? Why would you be reasonable in your opinion? Good judgment call right there. You know, Kyle's kind of right. The world is black and white.

You know, Kyle's kind of right. The world is black and white. I kind of feel like that he's, you know, they just did something with their currency. And at the risk of looking like a fool, I don't fully understand currency manipulation. Can someone explain how undervaluing your own currency gets you ahead in the world economy? I know this. I can't. There's plenty of officials that have. I barely understand it.

But if you undervalue your own currency, it makes it cheaper for people to buy things from you. So China, who is dumping their exports all over the world, if their currency goes up, then instead of paying a buck for a plastic toy, now I'm paying two bucks for a plastic toy. So by devaluing it, they keep themselves as the world's number one manufacturer, everyone wants to buy cheap shit

from China. And then on the other hand, Chinese citizens are less inclined to buy from you, because just the opposite happens. Instead of being able to buy a router for a hundred bucks, or a car, whatever they're buying from us it cost them two hundred dollars so they're they're one but so they're inclined to buy things that are built at home and we're inclined to buy things that are built in china because they lowered their currency i don't know how right that is but that sounds really like i had never thought of it like that. That much I have right.

There's shit I don't understand, like exactly the mechanics of devaluing. Like they lowered their interest rates. And by lowering their interest rates, it makes holding that a little less attractive or something like borrowing shit. And I'm getting into areas where I'm kind of fuzzy. I don't mean to come off like an expert. I'm not. What else did they do? It sounds like they're trying to cause inflation. What?

I think so. I think you're actually right about that. But really, I'm not an expert. I'm a little mixed up. But yeah, and people view it. These people might be hyperbolic. But they view it as kind of a virtual war against america like they're they're they're kind of playing dirty by not letting the currencies just

let the market determine the currencies they're manipulating their currency and this is an act of economic warfare against primarily the u.s and does the u.s do that as well in any way? I have no idea. It's funny. No, we just blow people off. We do manipulate our interest rates, but I don't know why when we do it, it's okay, and when they do it, it's not. But I believe they are actually doing something that we don't. I think it was the devaluing of the currency was the big thing. We move our interest rates up and down. One of those meetings happens i think every

month and they still haven't hiked interest rates but they devalued their currency which was the big thing and it's out everyone do you remember the last time interest rates were raised i don't i think it was like 2003 uh no it's been a long time around near the crash is when they were pretty high they've been okay i feel like raising interest rates also isn't a bad thing if anything is to indicate a strong economy yeah they're trying to cool it off typically and yeah yeah but um uh yeah anyway so so i feel like if chile was not chile kyle was saying that China is our enemy, and it's like, well, the way they manipulate their currency and do kind of an economic warfare on us and the way that they hack us,

the hacking thing seems to be more extreme than Israel does to us. Like the UK could hack us. Working with our enemies? Yeah. And it seems like every time someone's like not going good with the u.s china's always kind of siding with them the shit that we want that you think a friend would like just sort of like we want this and you don't care so you should be on our side if you're our friend but they never seem to be this i mean they did also bail us out too they're they're

they're making interest off that but they are but at the same time it's hard to lecture them on their human rights issues when you just had to borrow whatever trillion dollars from them, too. You know, it's like if I borrowed 20 bucks from you and then started lecturing you, you'd be like, am I gonna get that 20 back after this lecturing? No, but it's different because it's like if I borrowed 20 bucks from you and then you like kicked your dog in the snout twice, I could be like, dude, that's not cool. And you couldn't just be like,

oh, give me that 20 back. Give me 25 back. Like human rights is different than the economic things they're doing unless I'm misunderstanding. Or if you're just talking about the impact on the people who live there due to their economic stances and principles

or whatever it is. I just don't feel sorry for those exploding Chinese people because I don't like Chinese people because I feel like their government hates us and they're our enemy. Okay, the listeners want to know this. What is one country of people that you like? Better yet, stack rank them.

Who's on top, Chinese or Irish? And Hawaii can be in there too. Yeah, and Hawaii. Who are the best to worst? Hawaii, China, Irish? In the best to worst Hawaii China Irish? In the order that I would want them to be just eradicated. Oh, okay Yeah, worst of best number number like the number one draft first I first I want the meteorite to hit China

I feel like okay only because I feel like that would really help us out the world stage I really am I could kill any time we want to help us out the world stage. We could kill any time we want to. We don't need meteorite help. The US could send one submarine and wipe Ireland off the map. And pick any of those other lands

over there. Scotland. England. All of them. The island of... We'd wipe all that shit out and we'd come over there and we'd find a simple way for figuring out what was what there'd be no yeah right all of a sudden it'd be

four states little country problem solved yeah just be america too it's all of this like just a big circle on the map no subdivisions and uk's and oh we're not a part of that we're actually different nobody gives a shit every time that comes up online and it's like oh you think that the regular Ireland is a part of the UK and it's like yeah yeah because you don't understand that nobody fucking cares it's like me telling you like oh you don't know that Idaho is west of Montana like that's the level oh you think Indiana has one time zone? Oh! Do I have a thing to teach you?

No, don't teach me. I don't care. I don't care. Indiana's fucked with their time zones. No one gives a shit. So yeah, Ireland would be number two. Get the meteorite to hit there next. And I think number three would be Hawaii. But Hawaii... I got a thing about

Hawaii. Hawaii doesn't need a meteorite. They need a plague that attacks only Hawaiians. No, that's dangerous. To get on a plane? No, the volcano just needs to erupt, go Pompeii on all of those fuckers. The reason I'll go to Hawaii is the Hawaiians.

I'm not a fan of the Hawaii hate. I like Hawaii. I've been there. It's nice. I like that landmass. That's not a fan of the Hawaii hate. I like Hawaii. I've been there. It's nice. I like that land mass. That's a cool place. That land mass. There are good, productive people. There are Hawaiians that contribute to the GDP and do great things for America. And you can tell which ones they are because they just moved there.

Right? So those people should be spared. The new Hawaiians, the ones who weren't born there. It would be like another Passover, but it would be a Jewish Passover. If you make over 100K a year, put a stripe on your door, you shall be passed by the Jewish Lord. He poked you 10 40 on the front door

yes no i just feel i feel like and and the reason i don't like those people is i feel like they don't like me like like because they don't like me that's the only reason that i don't like that they call like white uh americans howlies right and likeys. And have this crazy negative opinion of the tourists who are coming there. And if it wasn't for us, you'd be living off your fucking pineapple farms out in the middle of the fucking Pacific Ocean.

How is it different? How are them hating tourists different than Woody hating people who came to Jersey for the fine land there? I'm sorry. What are you going to do? I've known him for six years now. I can't get rid of him now.

He's an asshole. We're all assholes to some level. If we stack rank to the four of us on our assholishness, I'll take first. Really? I wasn't going to order it that way. I've done some mean things I have but not all the time in public

You know we're interacting with waitstaff and just people in the service industry. You were putting me as most asshole I think it gotta because I think less than minimum wage and work off kids I feel like he does it unintentionally though, but I think that still makes you worse. I think it's just in his nature No All natural asshole He's a bad guy what he is a GMO asshole Down at people from way before it was appropriate to do so. I've always felt this way.

Fishermen, wait staff, people on planes. He throws up next to them. Come on. Who does that? Oh, I feel so bad. Go to the bathroom. One time he said, you know, the real reason that I throw up on planes is because I have to sit next to this porpoise. I'm disgusted by these people. I have to share a bathroom with a mechanic.

A mechanic, Kyle. A man who works better hands. It's never happened. No, absolutely not. I vomit. I vomited the thought of it. That's what you said to me. That's true.

He told me that he requested his seatmate writes down his net worth on those little napkins. And if it's not up to snuff He just guffaws and puts his little blinds on He just starts gagging I filmed my own cars What did he say? You spat in that one guy's face He spat in that guy's face, that blind guy. He wouldn't get it. Woody was like, excuse me, and the guy was like, what?

You know the crossing thing has the time on it, you know it was 10-9-8, it was past that and the guy was like, what? You know, the crossing thing has the time on it. You know, it was 10, 9, 8. It was past that or the guy was still on the road. And Woody's honking. He got out of the car and spat in this blind man's face. Like, come on, buddy. We've got work to do. There are people out there who believe this. I saw Woody put a dollar in a homeless guy's cup to take out four quarters

because the vending machine nearby wasn't accepting dollars. That was the only reason. You know what's fake about that story? I didn't put a dollar in. Yeah. It was attached to the fishing wire. Pull it back out. Yeah. So you would rank P as number one, Kyle?

Huh. You know? I mean, after all of that. Woody might be number one. I don't know. I can be pretty selfish. You've got moments, though. I feel like I'm nice. You have moments where I feel like you have feelings like a normal person.

I don't have those. Here's the difference, I think. If I weren't held accountable, I think I'd be a massive asshole. But you mentioned waitstaff and when we're doing fan stuff. Of course, you have to be a nice guy you can't be an asshole in those situations like woody can't help it we've been through that that's why he's number one but but you can't I feel like if I if I weren't held accountable like if you weren't gonna remember what I said today I'd be a pretty big asshole

that's not fair I think a lot of people would line up with if they're in it so what do you want it I'd be nice to people even if i never met and the waitstaff thing is so i just i think you'd run people off the road with you with your tacoma that's that's how that would work out if there was you know what i might do if i'm stuck in traffic i daydream about off-roading just like i think that's normal i could like into people no no but like i you know like all the culverts and drainage ditches and stuff i'm like dude my truck would be awesome at that like i would just be riding sideways going over the the you'd be thinking a lot of racist and your thoughts in your head as the people you pass by that were stuck in traveling that fucking asian guy he's why i have

to do this right now you know that right i think everybody has those thoughts like have you ever just been standing at a Chick-fil-A or whatever, getting your food, and you're like, what would happen if I just cold cocked this guy for no reason? Here, listen to my inappropriate parenting.

Let's say that there's a highway that I take frequently, 540, and the speed limit is 70 miles an hour. If there's someone going 55 before I catch them, with my children, I play guess the driver. Like, I'm going with black lady over 70. And Jackie will be like, I'm going with Indian guy 22. Like, just learning to drive.

And Hope will be like, I'll take Asian woman. And then we look. We did that in Chicago. I was like, old white guy. It's totally in the way. Were you right? Yeah. So, yeah. Mustache. It's a fun game.

Yeah. It's a fun game. So Woody undoubtedly is standing at the top of this podium. With his crown, looking down on the poor folk and all the scum of the earth. Kyle gets silver medal for asshole perhaps? I think so, but I'll happily step down if need be. I don't know. Let's hear your asshole resume. Mmm. Oh, I'm a wonderful person. I tip well.

Do charity. I only make fun of people when they look like moronic late 19th century what you do I made that up I don't actually okay did you buy I'm giving I'm giving Mirka the asshole silver medal for not buying the pop filter for his mic yet it It's $3. $3. The fuck? Well, if you dispersed your wealth a little better, maybe we'd all have an extra $3. He gets paid.

Yeah. I don't know. I'll get it. But, yeah, I think, I don't know. I think Kyle revels in being an asshole a little bit. He likes the rep. He likes the feeling of being an asshole. But when you see him actually, when nobody's looking, he's nice to the waitstaff. He's not being

mean or surly or anything. How is he a good sociopath? I'm nice to waitstaff in real life. You're not. You're just not. These are illusions that you have right now. I am. And the thing is, you don't do it on purpose, which is bringing us

full circle to the that's worse It's just in your nature to to be very stern and cool This is a full cup of ice. I want half ice Hey, are you stupid? Could I get a refill? Yeah, Oh like nodding like yeah, I guess so and that's how he initiates a conversation Hey that is it the waiter will come say or do something and then leave Like, nodding. Like, hey! And that's how he initiates a conversation. Hey! The waiter will come, say or do something, and then leave. That guy's not out of earshot, and Woody is talking mad shit about him already.

Like, it's only been 15 minutes. Why would we have drinks now? He dropped an F-bomb! An F-bomb! We're the only ones here. Yeah, we're the only ones there. The manager comes by. Everything going okay over here, guys? And Woody's like we like yeah, well we haven't gotten our drinks yet

I and then like as the guys walking away he trails off, but he doesn't trail off He kind of stays at the same level. He's like should I had our fucking drinks by now? 15 fucking Even 20 minutes like I didn't have a soda yet and And, like, in my defense, that's really bad service. Yeah. It's bad service. There was an explanation for it, it turned out. So that, you know, we sat there for probably too long before the waiter came.

I don't even agree with his explanation because it's hogwash. There's plenty of other people working there. Yeah, yeah. They weren't doing anything. We were the only ones there. We were the only customers in the place. There like there's still like a full staff so there's literally like a 15 to 1 or maybe 10 to 1 staff to customer ratio like it was just including making us one customer and uh and the guy couldn't find a way to get the beer bottle open apparently he

wasn't able to open the bottle himself because he was under 21 and and i just i don't think it takes 20 minutes to get that done you could have brought it over here closed man i opened it yeah what the fuck i want to i want chis to think of an asshole story and i i just remembered one that i feel really douchey about that i could tell i don't know if i've mentioned it on the podcast before by the way i did order the pop filter so oh just now as we're talking no no no like a couple like that was yesterday but it has not arrived but yeah i'm getting that thing but okay so this this was like one of those memories that you like talk out of your head with like a good thing that you did once like oh you know i'm not that bad but uh i was at a hockey game like four years ago a blues

game in st. Louis. And it was after like the first or second period, it was bathroom was packed. Like there was, I would have had to wait until the next period started to get in there and take a piss. And so being me, I was just like, I can finagle my way through this line a little quicker. And so I just like before walking in, I set the stage, walking around being like, Ted, Teddy, Teddy. Like that walked up to the guy at the back

of the line and i was like have you seen a little boy i think i saw him run in here and then i he was like no no i haven't you can go on in go on in check for him and i walked past everybody in line calling out for this fictitious little boy teddy teddy eventually got in just snuck past someone stepped into his stall took a piss and got out, walked past one of the dudes. And he's like, you're a real piece of shit. I was like, yeah. How did you do the last step? Like, how did you get in front of a guy?

It's because, like, it winds as you're going in. And so it's like dozens of people in the line. So everybody isn't on board with what's going on and so i kind of just stepped around where all the people seeing me yell teddy to get into the bathroom like they see me go this way and then there's a sharp bank and then there's the stalls i just kind of took that bank and but at some point you went directly in front of somebody in front of many many people he cut the line looking for someone and went to go take a piss but that's the thing but at some point you were in front of

someone like let's say hypothetically there was a long curvy line i see how you got near the front but how did you insert the way i inserted is someone had just left the stall the person for some you know how some people like to just go to the urinal have their little talks or whatever they don't go into the stall because I assume someone has to take a shit's gonna go in there I didn't assume that and so I just snuck into the stall itself it wasn't a urinal so I just kind of this almost sounds like the parking lot maneuver where there's someone waiting there with their blinking or blinker on and you did you got in yeah it was like that if the person waiting with their blinkers pregnant wife was in the

seat next to him. Like it was that that level. But okay Chiz what did you do? I want to see if you outrank me. I don't think so. The only reason I can think of was it was the first train trip back in April okay and I have my big sweet car or whatever and I left

I leave the door open or whatever because I like it there's some light and there was no one in this car by the way there was no one in the other room so i was like fuck it i'll keep it open because i would go get coffee every 10 seconds because of me this girl from the coach section where the scum are comes up and she's like yelling or something she gets in my car whatever she's like do you know where the train people are whatever she said and i was like i don't know I think they're downstairs or whatever. She's like, there's a guy back there. He's drunk.

He's hitting on me. He's yelling at me. I'm about to punch him in the fucking face. I'm like, I don't know what you want me to do. Like, I think they're downstairs. She's like, I can't go down there. My foot is broken. And she points down and she's got a cast on her foot or whatever.

And I'm like, all right, fuck it. I'll go down. So I went down. there was no staff there, she was gone to go back to her seat or whatever, so I went back to my car and then I closed the fucking door, locked it, pulled the fucking curtains back and I'm like, I'm not dealing with that fucking shit again if it comes up here. She came back again, knocked, and then started banging and i started making snoring noises and pretended she's like are you there i need help and i just kept snoring until she went away and the banging

stopped because i wasn't about to get into this weird fight situation in the fucking coach section with someone i don't know and a drunk older man so oh my god like the shit you say about me is actually true with dr. Chiz like he's looking down on people traveling at a lower class that's different though everyone who's a lower class there's literally a class system in the train though you know I get my meals paid for they have to come out pocket for them and there's fire above're still higher above the bus pole. Very high roller. Three meals a day, dessert, and zone.

It's very sweet. Wow. I got a guy that- Now, there's no cross-country train you can take. Maybe this is the PKA. Yeah, maybe this is a PKA trip. Train. No train.

The train washed out in 2005 that goes south with Katrina. They never built the tracks back. So to get to the East Coast, you have to take the train I took, go to D.C., and then go down. Oh, that's not better? It's longer. Sounds like it's a longer train ride, which is worse. It's very long. Yeah.

Bus is quicker. Yeah. More exciting. You don't get any train stories. They're all rich people that take the train or whatever. You don't get any train stories they're all rich people that take the train or whatever you'll get a train story because you're in your own private room no i go out to the dining car they fucking force you to sit with people because there's only like 30 seats so like all right one three boom you're together and you make conversation with typically wealthy people because wealthy and old it depends i've met some 30 year olds a lot of the older people or

you know some dude owned a farm and some own business yeah do you find out how they get their wealth because i always find those stories really interesting uh no i don't typically go that far back dude i just like i've been to farm forever i got into this business position if they're a farmer, that's one thing. But I've talked about this before. So fast forward, when I'm on a Disney cruise or something like that, I'm really interested in how did you fucking do this? How did you get yourself in a spot where you're taking a cruise liner

across the Atlantic or around the Mediterranean? What are you doing? And sometimes they act like it's way too easy. Like, oh, you're working? No, don't do that. What you got to do is get a lot of passive income. Like, that's, you know, oh, passive income. Never thought of that.

So easy. He's like, yeah, I own a couple shopping malls. The managers are handling it. I own a fountain by the mall. It's great. That's a clever idea. Days, man. I own three red boxes.

Sit back and watch it roll in. I feel like my first question on the train would be asking people, so why do you take the train? That's got to be an interesting question. If you've got the money, it's just a better way to travel over everything.

For fugitives. If you've got time and you've got money, it's the a better way to travel over everything for fugitives if you've got time if you've got time and you've got money it's the better way to go time is the thing time is the thing but but that's the thing old people are retired and have money so are they typically you said all ages i asked that yeah no there's some younger people in there i don't typically talk to them though like the people around my age Typically 30 and up is who I get seated with. People with kids or like old couples. I've never hung out with like the people my age. They're rare and they're rambunctious.

I don't have that kind of time when I'm on the train. You have nothing but time. You have nothing but time when you're on a train. Yeah. No, I need to eat my meal as quick as possible and the problem is I typically get seated on the – it's a very big problem. I get seated on the inside with strangers. So I have finished my meal, but I want fucking dessert, okay? Oh, my heavens.

This is a big problem. So I have to wait for them to finish, and then the guy will come and ask everyone for dessert. And then I finish my dessert. Well, now I wait and wait and just stare out the window. Why are you waiting? You have your dessert already. I've had my dessert already is what I said. I have to wait for them to finish their dessert so I can get up.

They're not going to let me out. Oh, wait. You're trapped until everyone finishes? I'm trapped. Why are you trapped? You're not selling us on this method of trap. You have to eat your meal in a train car. Go on.

No, you're better off if you eat it slower. I'm saying I just eat faster, though, because I typically get a smaller meal. Now, I don't understand this method of trap. Is it like a ball gag S&M thing? Like, why is it you can't get up and... These are train folk, not bus folk, Woody. Please don't put them in the category of the freaks, okay? These people have money, all right?

Okay, so what are we talking about? Like whips? And mahogany dildos? A lot of people would have to stand up for him to get around and out of the train car. This entire business is a facade to hide crippling fears of flying. So you go on a train

that's expensive, takes longer, you eat your meal as fast as you can, and you don't have time for conversation. If Woody really didn't care about time, he'd be right there with me. Because he hates flying. He gets sick with flying and stuff. I just don't like flying. It's not a fear. I've flown more than you.

Way more than you. Like, filled up two passports more than me. His airplane dong is this long. His airplane dong broke that measuring device in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas that put this on his heart

this is a great topic brag about things that don't matter I ate three bags of goldfish today I think that's a significant thing to brag about you know there's plenty of people that don't leave the country I'd say I could dip my passport in more bags of goldfish than you ever have you have a palace

Yeah, I have a passport. I do I need to go to Chicago sometimes Poor guy. He's down and has to do one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Oh, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. You know what? You know what? If someone was picking on me on his show, he would put a kibosh on it. And that's what I'm here for.

He didn't know, and now he does. I stand by this pretty goddamn job. To think you need an international U.S. passport that states your citizenship to travel stately but if you'd never flown he had never flown before it's understandable it's just funny because he didn't know but he did it's not his fault for not knowing you never before that story was the I went to South Korea to compete attack wings but it's just the passport thing. Hilarious. Hey, I got it. One of my all-time favorite ones.

50 Cent. Kyle crying. Yeah, let me get my asshole thing real quick. Oh, I'm sorry. There's the standard ones, like the stuff I told you I used to do to my coworkers, like humiliating the guy in front of everyone, making him, you know, he's going to take his underwear off and give it to this effeminate customer.

I forgot about those. Those are horrible. Putting the dye on the guy's handset for his phone so he, like, puts, like, literally ink all in his ear. Like, all in his ear. Or when you were a kid and you'd throw rocks at mailboxes or shoot at cars. I used to put cinder blocks in the highway so the cars had to slow down and go around them. And I'd ambush them hit them with a fucking rock this is how bad that is i would put a baseball in the in the road

and see if it'd run over you're putting cinder blocks in the blocks in the middle of the highway so that the cars would stop and slow down enough so and and their dad was like why would you do that i was like i couldn't hit the cars they were moving too fast so i needed to slow them down so um let's say i'm trying to think what else. I've struggled with monogamy mightily. Let's just leave it at that. But you're honest about it, though. That's pretty normal.

Anyway, what else? I'm trying to think if I've ever physically hurt anybody. I don't think I've ever really been an asshole that way. I used to make fun of some people in high school that i really feel bad about it now i said some uh here here's an example of like a real asshole moment this is this is like 11th grade me so forgive me um maybe 12th grade anyway i think let's What was it? What did she say was pathetic that I was doing?

Oh, I know what it was. So I bought a t-shirt that my friend already owned. It was some funny graphic thing. It was like a funny phrase. And my friend already had one, and I was like, I like that shirt. So I went and bought one. And I'm wearing the shirt at school, and this chick says to me, isn't that the same shirt that Blake has?

And I was like, yeah, I like it. So I got one. She's like, that's pathetic. And I reply with, no, pathetic is going to prom by herself. Because she was. But I don't call you being an asshole. You were countering her being a bitch. That's true.

And she lived in a glass mansion. She should have known better. I got to add this. She should have known that. I got to add this. I didn't know it. She had a huge crush on me. She should have known better. I gotta add this. She should have known that. I gotta add this. I didn't know it. She had a huge crush on me. She totally liked me. So I feel like it was just a

double punch there. She's a double bitch then. Why would you do that to someone you like? Hey, you're pathetic and I'm pathetic for liking someone who's pathetic. I think she was trying to make conversation if I'm being honest. Catherine, if you're out there, I'm very sorry that I said that.

I feel real bad about it. That was a real asshole moment. Let's see. I don't know. Blew up a chicken one time. One time? You know they have those road barriers? They're like horses a carpenter would use with the flashing lights on them one time i stole a flashing light

oh wow you wrapped scallion yeah i'm really struggling here oh i have an actual asshole move um so i'm a freshman in college and i'm on the swim team and there are like five of us together-ish. And I know like four of them, like me and three others were on the swim team. And there was a girl who happened to be fat and ugly and I didn't think she was on the swim team. And like she didn't mention she was on the swim team. She was someone who's on the swim team's roommate. And that's why I thought she was with us. And then when we went to sit at the tables, because of the number, we had to push two tables together. And I was with the fat and ugly non swimmer. And I was like, and I switched tables and she was all by herself. And I felt like an

asshole. Somebody else switched to her table. And I was just like yeah, that was a douche move, but I did do it Mm-hmm she should have known better than to sit by you when fat and ugly She knows her click No, that's what you're in high school, right? Yeah, we're gonna give kind of passes Freshman in college I was gonna give a pass to any kind of passes. Freshman in college. You're an asshole, man. Jesus Christ. I was going to give a pass to anything kind of high school related because you're ignorant. I hit that girl. Dude, she had it coming.

She did have it coming. She had it coming. You backhanded the fuck out of that bitch. That's a great story. I wish I could go back in time just to see that moment. Oh, my God. Just backhand. You know, I've just got it burned into my memory that it was cold out and

she had like the four fingers on like because it was a backhand like bam the my hand impression was on her face like like it was some fucking like indian war paint thing they did it was right i haven't heard this story i haven't heard about this at all she was bullying him severely and and kind of reveling in the fact that she was a girl and he couldn't hit her back. And eventually, after maybe a couple of weeks or even more of this, Woody slapped the fuck out of her. And fast forward, it actually lasted three months.

She was bullying me. She kept calling me fag. She kept saying I look like a girl. And I kind of did. I was late to puberty and I had wide hips. And my shoulders weren't broad yet or anything. And she said, you're a fag, you're a pussy. You look like a girl looking at me, walks like a girl, et cetera. And I would ignore it. This happened in gym class day after day after day after day.

And moving along three months later, at one point I said something like, if you keep talking like that, you're going to get slapped. And then she started begging me to slap her. I dare you to do it. Slap me, slap me, slap me. You won't slap slap me you're a pussy didn't do it it was either one or two days after that of her begging for me to slap her after like you're a pussy you're a faggot you won't slap me etc it was like fucking wish granted and uh starting a lawnmower and like starting a lawnmower and like starting a lawnmower and i hit her so hard and uh to wrap up the story and fast forward like i was scared to death i learned later that she was dating the captain of the wrestling team and uh he came up to me in the cafeteria and i was like i'm fucking doomed and um he's like you know did you hit my girlfriend? And I was like, yep, I'm waiting for this.

And he's like, yeah, I know how she is. Don't do that again. And that was how it wrapped up. Like he was almost on my side. Yeah, he was. And the fight, even though he was small like me, would have been very lopsided. I would have gotten crushed. And I kind of knew it. and he kind of knew it,

and just said, no more, and that was it. I can just picture that. I shot a guy. Wait, what? Oh, okay. I shot a guy at the lunch table point blank with this super rubber band thing and a plastic launching thing I had made for it

and shot him right in the eyeball like across the the table and i i meant to not his eyeball but his face i was like i'm gonna shoot him in the face with this and it was uh like the the projectile was you know when you open a like a 20 ounce soda there's that little plastic ring that like detaches i had chewed on that until it was flat and then that i bent around the rubber band and i had a legit rubber band like this isn't something you'd find in an office like i was like and it hit him right in the eye and he stands up and he wants to fight and i'm like well i know i'm in the wrong here but all right let's fight and. And we get like, we square off, and then he goes blind.

I can see his eyes go blank. He's like real intense, and then he goes. And I was just like, for a minute, I was just like, maybe I give him a little jab here. You know, maybe I just finish him up real quick. I could take him out in two, three seconds. I could put a combo on this guy's mind. You could go Ronda Rousey on his ass.

But instead, I was just like are you okay are you okay he's like I can't see I was just like well fucking sit down and don't tell on me why did you shoot him in the eye I didn't mean to hit the eye I just wanted to shoot him in the face okay I'll ask again why did you want why did you shoot him like Did he do something to deserve this? He's just a douche, right? You're taking my gold medal, I think. These stories are pretty legit. I just did it because I wanted to. When he's a kid, and I'm going to give a little bit of a pass. Yeah, it's high school. You're mean to wait staff to this day at the age of 42. That's true.

I would buy two bags of Skittles at lunch, and I would pass them out to 42. That's true. Those women fuck themselves after having to encounter Matthew Woodford. I would buy two bags of Skittles at lunch, and I would pass them out to everyone at my lunch table, and the game was this. I would pick a target somewhere in the lunchroom, and then everybody throws one at the exact same time. And with that kind of volley,

you could be very accurate over long ranges. So clear across the lunchroom, I'd be like, that guy. And eight fucking Skitt ranges. So clear across the lunchroom, I'd be like, that guy. And eight fucking Skittles get hurled across the room. And you think, oh, it's just a Skittle. But when eight of them just come down and hit a table, like everybody would be freaking out and looking around and stuff. And then we kept stepping it up.

Eventually it was brownie balls. You get the brownies from the cafeteria. And they're the same consistency as like Play-Doh, so you can just roll them up into any form you want really. So we'd launch those across the cafeteria. There were a couple times back in middle school, actually, I would get, for whatever reason, we had a fuck ton of soda. And I would just bring a bunch with me to school for a couple weeks. And I would give them out to all of my friends and the people I wanted to be my friends and the people I hated that also sat at the same table. I would exclude them and then they would ask me for soda and I would say oh no these aren't for you these are from oh so you were that

you were the pop man yeah and then this is worse what I would take with my excess ones we would walk I would walk home to school every day with these people and the losers that were following us that I didn't like. The excess ones I would take, go in the middle of the road and spike them in the street and watch them fly into the air as cars drove by. That sounds like a waste of soda. See I have a good one where I was transitively an asshole so I wasn't immediately affiliated with it.

So we had this teacher in high school who was like legitimately going blind. Like he couldn't see light yellow. He couldn't see yellow very well at all. We would like play, we could like definitely like play catch with tennis balls in his class while he was talking to us. And as long as they were brand new, catch it, throw it at someone else. He didn't know what was going on. We, uh, we put a doll in a seat one day for a kid that was out and it was like one of those like like it was it was not not blow up it was like a straw doll for like one of those field day things they were doing and they put it there and at one point at one point he was like jared care to comment and he's like nope guess not it's just like he kept going on the class

and uh that that one just came back to me this is the other one. We were supposed to do this. He made us turn in our essays had to be longer in that class because he couldn't read like the 12-point font as well. Really nice guy. But he made us do a big presentation on a piece of poster board, and it was like about some history shit, like maybe a Renaissance era. And we did it. We did everything correctly. We all did it we did everything correctly we all did it

as a group i thought that it was going to go off without a hitch just a regular presentation boring and the like troublemaker in our group who was selected to be the presenter because there's only one person presenting and the other two people did the work so it was like all right i can do this shit you just don't fuck it up when you get up there he had written in highlighter in the background of all the details of it so that all the kids could see it. Just wrote, you are a fag on the poster board in highlighter. And so he got up there and like, my name's on this project. And so he got up there and like standing up there and like me and my other mate are just like, oh, Jesus Christ, we're so fucked.

We're so fucked. This is going to work. And he gave the whole presentation. Everybody's laughing. The teacher is just like, no, no we're so fucked we're so fucked this is gonna work and he gave the whole presentation everybody's laughing the teacher is just like no no the baroque era isn't that funny and it's like he has no idea but uh so i wasn't immediately associated with that but it was really asshole yeah it's pretty bad wow really taking advantage of line man tricks that's a great level stuff right there It sounds like you're just perpendicular to assholishness, so I'll give you a pass on that one. That wasn't me. My story is not nearly as entertaining,

but we had an old teacher. He was in his 70s, and he just lost his ability to give a fuck. It didn't take us long to figure out that if he came late to class, there was no punishment. So everyone started... I rearranged my schedule so that's when I would go to the locker. I'd just roll in

like seven minutes late. Then it got to be I could roll in like five, seven minutes late and have food with me. So I'd have like a popsicle or you know the kind that's coated with like a chocolate shell. And I would just roll in and he couldn't, like he just didn't he was sick and he didn't have it in him to fight. And then he got

swapped out with a substitute. And the substitute, like, put the – he's like, you guys have been taking advantage of him. He's in the hospital now, et cetera. And then he died. And that was like – like, yeah, that's how the story ends. I had to start behaving and the teacher died. He didn't do anything, though.

Like, that really put him to the edge of his life. No, I'm not saying I killed him, but I took advantage of him. Well, I mean, you might have played a role. I may have taken a weekend off. But I'm actually nice to wait staff. When I go to my barber, they're all waiting there like I have treats

and they're dogs. I've stopped saying the thing about faster is better. Now I walk in and he's like and he tells me what I want. He's like, oh yeah, number two on the sides, top, long enough to cone. And I'm like, yep. But I don't say faster is better anymore. And they're slipping a bit on that.

But I still tip the same. And they all wish. You say faster is better? I love it. How do the orders go? The commands you yell at this attendee I want a number two on the sides four on the top point me at the TV don't talk to me faster is better I don't say don't talk to me that's just implied by the TV yeah and I like point me at the TV and it's like bronze silver and then on the ivory tower in the middle is perched atop

that time that they didn't have our hotel reservation i was so shocked by how restrained he was it was it was ridiculous that's the one time i've seen him. I think it was because there was this whole other melodrama of this other customer. He was there. And long story short, he had some cold soup, but he'd eaten it. And so they were like, you ate it. It was full on cold. He's like, it took two hours to deliver my soup. And they gave it to me.

And it was essentially a drink at that point. It was just room temperature. But he ate it, like Kyle said. And there was a big drama over whether or not he should pay for the freezing suit manager is like you could tell by the way the manager was talking to this guy that like he's perfectly fine with the option of okay we'll get the fuck out then like like like that's clearly at one of the manager's options here like just the way he's talking he's like well i don't know what you want me to do to you do for you like like what do you want from me you ate it like like what's what's the issue here you didn't enjoy it like you and he was just like giving this guy no slack whatsoever

so when he kind of came over to us we were kind of like i don't know fuck with this guy like he won't he won't give us anything like we just need to be like concerned and upset rather than assholes i think i think that's what happened there but, I think we would have let them have it a little more. At first, we did. It was just like that scene from Seinfeld where he has the reservation. I stole it from that scene. You did. He said it to her.

He's like, I don't think you know how the reservation works. Yeah, because we reserved a room, but they didn't have a room for us. I'm like, do you know what reservation? Go on. Yeah, you catch more with those customer service situations of like they don't have something for us. Do you know what reservation? Go on. With those customer service situations of they don't have something for you, if you just, exactly what Kyle said, if you play up the concerned, like,

I'm just worried it's not going to work out correctly instead of like, what the fuck? What kind of operation are you running? They're going to give you the benefit of the doubt ten times more often. What'd you do? Sorry, there's a fly in my face okay yeah yeah I thought but they were like some spirits or something no spirits you've been an exercise thing in middle school we had a science fair the previous year before

that I did an experiment and those sucking are boring so what we did was I came up with the idea of building a book report book stand. It was this wooden thing, really nice, me and my dad built it. And you put a book on it, it had a notepad thing on it, secured the book, it was really cool. And it was done so well that the teacher judging the whole thing thought I cheated and bought this at a store somewhere and I was DQ'd. So me and my friends peed in her gas tank. Oh.

Wait, what does that do to the gas tank? Does it ruin the car? I don't know, but it felt really... It felt like a bad thing to do to a vehicle so we peed in her gas tank. All four of us. How did you find the time? It was after school. What do you mean how did I find the time?

I'm a kid. Yeah, like how do you... How far away is this car that four guys can just line up and... If you put water in a gas tank, it just doesn't run as well. And I imagine it's a similar effect. Yeah, I don't know what happened after that. We didn't stick around to, like, watch her start the car or anything. My cousin has had his gas tank sugared. That's awful. That would seize the whole engine up, right?

It did, yeah. Ruined his car. Is that what happens? Yeah. It's awful. It did. Is that what happens? It was very bad. Why would it seize the engine? I'm not exactly sure. I would have guessed it would clog the fuel injector. That would, my guess, be a fuel delivery issue.

Perhaps. That's what I've always heard. That and salt, I think. How much sugar do you need to put in there? I have no idea. I wouldn't think so. I would think if you get, like, yeah, I bet a cup of sugar would ruin your car. Well, a cup is a significant amount. I think, yeah, that would do it.

Yeah, a coffee cup. Well, I mean, I don't think you put a sugar packet in there, but a coffee cup full of sugar? Yeah, fuck your car. Well, your time is precious to you, and you want to feed your mind with the best of what's out there. But who has the time to sift through all that nonsense on the internet? So, for those of us who want premium content and don't have the time to waste finding it, there's Next Issue. Next Issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. Iconic magazines like People, Vogue, Esquire, Time, and more. And Next Issue lets you dive deeper into

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to sign up somewhere else today. So, big fan of NextEach. Go support them. Well, good deal. So, I think we've definitely... I rank it this way. I say Woody's number one asshole. That's not even in question.

I think I take number two and then it goes Taylor and then Chiz. That's my personal opinion. But we're all... Yes, bottom half. Yeah, I don't think any of us are very nice people. Only they are. Yeah, me and Chiz are fine. Bottom half of the rankings, may as well just be safe.

We can still run for political office, in other words. I can't. Jesus, fuck. I can't possibly run for office. Sometimes I think, like, it's something I'd like to do a little bit. But it's interesting, you always say that and the argument might have been totally true ten years ago or something, but when you hear

the things Rick Santorum has done in the past, the things that Trump says without saying, if you do it like you, like with YouTube, hey, if you just own it, like, yeah, I said that stuff, it was under these pretenses, go check the tape or whatever. Those are the actual words. I think if you owned everything and came out right,

it's usually when they find shit you didn't talk about, like that you're trying to cover up and hide. But if your shit's all public access and you just own it, I think... Let me read the transcript back. I think they should just go hang themselves. Now, there is true, you have hated on a lot of minorities, international groups, countries. I don't know how foreign relations would work.

That'd be a tough debate. In fairness, all those people are stupid. There you go. How do you feel about foreign policy, Mr. Woodward? Well, if they're Ireland, China, or Hawaii, I say bomb them the fucking Stone Age, my friend. Let's talk economics now. Let's move on.

That's my foreign policy. I'll let Biden handle anything else. Let's move away from this. I love that Trump has improved in the polls throughout this whole like everything. He would think that he's stepping in a pothole, but instead, like they like him more for it. Biden come out and said he's running it because I saw something the other day that says Iowa's current numbers are 50 percent for Hillary, 38% for Bernie Sanders, and 12% for Joe Biden. But as far as I know, he hasn't announced he's running. It may have been one of those polls where they hypothetically asked him

if Biden were in the race or something like that because he hasn't announced anything like that. I imagine a lot of that 12% going for a nearly fictitious candidate, someone who's not even running, are looking for a Hillary alternative. I suspect of that 12%, and this is PKA stats, Bernie Sanders takes 10 of it. They're in the anyone but Hillary camp. Well, I think you're right. It's just like there's Hillary with all of her faults, then there's the totally way

too far left bernie sanders and there's no happy meeting joe biden's that happy meeting he's like a hillary without all of the faults he's got his own quirks as a person but when it comes to certain policies and how you know you condone your work joe biden's just a better pick i feel like you see that the fbi has seized her server? Apparently, she sent, I don't know what higher than top secret is, but she sent higher than top secret stuff off her personal email server, and that's a problem.

I'd like to know more. Maybe foolishly, I give her the benefit of the doubt that she was careless and not malicious. Well, they found two that were that level above top secret or whatever. It was like four levels above top secret. Out of like 400 emails or something like that. It was like out of the fraction of emails that they were looking at,

two of them were of that nature. So it's not like there's two emails that encompass all of her emails. They found two in a small subsection of what she had already cleaned. Like, I feel like it's just the tip of the iceberg based on what I've read. She looks so untrustworthy with issues like this. Like, you just feel like she's, like, in somebody's pocket or Dr. Evil himself or something.

I think she's just careless more than anything else, which isn't good. She's too smart to be careless. I feel like it plays into the narrative about she wouldn't have gotten caught if she wasn't it's like you can't say why she's untrustworthy but people feel that way and i'm i do too you know i don't love anyone who's running this year but it's like bernie sanders too far to the left what do they say 80 no 98 tax rate or something stupid like that um it almost seems like you know he just wants to robin hood this thing you know steal from the rich give to the poor that's too far on the right everybody's crazy it's a side show well not everybody but a lot of them um on the uh and and then on like the the hillary thing like she's just dirty

i can't tell you why but we all kind of believe it. There's the real estate investment trust stuff that they followed forever. There's the cattle futures thing that she did. Who turns a grand into a hundred grand in a couple of months, accurately predicting every movement in cattle futures? What the fuck? She doesn't know more about cattle than I do. And I don't know. The whole thing just seems like she's always been dirty.

And this mail email thing falls into that narrative. It could just be careless-less. I don't know. But I don't know. No, I don't trust her. I saw that the Black Lives Matter people were disrupting a Jeb Bush rally today, I think. I don't know the particulars. I saw that don't know i saw that one makes more sense but i didn't see that um i saw that it happened but i didn't see the video of it or how he handled it or anything it wouldn't be hard to do better than bernie sanders did no it wouldn't um what did he do just kind of said he just walked away yeah he stood back and

then he tried to talk to him for a little bit, and they were, like, irate and... Screaming. They were screaming. I was looking for, like, a single word for it. They were being unreasonable. Like, I'm looking for inconsolable, but, like, the just uncalmed downable. I don't know what else to say, but they... She was a real cunt.

She was angry and yelling, and it seemed like she wanted to be angry and yelling. Yeah, because she didn't care nothing was gonna make her happy because they're like all right you can talk after us all right talk now fuck you don't talk okay you can talk now and she still kept going off you know say whatever she had do you have a word for this being mad i i my vocabulary is failing me here is there a word like inconsolable but angry? The woman? She was being contentious. Just starting a fight for no reason.

Just wanting to get into conflict. Notice how contentious starts with the word cunt. That's true. Yeah, yeah. She was just, I don't know. She was contentious. That's exactly what you want in a leader, though. Someone who folds immediately to any pressure. So vote Bernie. That's what he did.

So they started trying to like negotiate her like alright we'll let you talk but after him. What do you think Trump would have done? What would have been the better way to handle it? Fuck off get off my stage? No have these people removed who are making a huge scene in a public sphere disrupting everybody

else's. Nobody's thinking about everybody else else is there spending their time supporting someone that they want in office nobody cares about all those people just get them out they're being easy to do in hindsight i'm not saying i do better than bernie but i would want my president to be better than me at this the best thing to do would be to like sort of instantly debater on stage like okay i don't know why you're here disrupting me. I marched with Martin Luther King. I have a 98% or 100% NCAA voting record. You should be on my side, not demanding to bring.

What is it about my policies that you have an issue with? And then she would have looked stupid, and she was stupid. He could have talked over her. It goes back to how she was acting. She'd be yelling the whole time. He was smart. He was smart in what he did. There was no, you know, these are the stats.

How many times do you do that on a YouTube thing? This is actually the truth. These are the stats and numbers. I don't give a fuck. That has failed for me 100% of the time. She's going to yell and curse him out and everyone's going to rally behind her who's just an asshole and stuff. He did the right thing. There was no good way to handle that situation. I saw Ted Cruz.

There's not a diplomacy. Let's debate the matter. George Bush would have shot her. Ted Cruz did that. It was someone like Code Pink or something like that. But it was some dude in a pink shirt and he was trying – it was a woman in a pink shirt and she was trying to argue that the Iran deal was good. And then his argument was that the iran deal that obama wants was bad and he was able to go back and forth with her and just be like that essentially the iran deal if i understand it right is they're giving these people money and in exchange we get to monitor what they're doing and they give away all their

weapons grade plutonium and stuff like that that's been cut by the way i don't know if that i don't know if the inspections has been cut fully but i know we were allowed to come unannounced and do inspections which is kind of the bane of it now you have to like schedule an appointment so they can get all their ducks in a row over there and then we can come inspect them that's why it's such a shitty deal you know we're giving billions of dollars and they just keep cutting and cutting and cutting what we get in return you know if you're not going to have an unannounced inspection, what's the fucking point?

Well, anyway, Ted Cruz... But I have to ask, did that guy or whatever storm the stage and grab the mic out of someone's hand, or was he in the audience barking? There were actually several of them, and it wasn't a stage so much. It was a podium, but it was ground level, so they were able to immediately walk up and start screaming and stuff.

And there were a handful of his supporters that were like, get him out. They kind of want to muscle him away. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no. Come and talk to me. And not you guys, but many people would be surprised about how difficult it is. Like suddenly when you're at the podium and you're asked to speak and present your case to a crowd, you're going to look retarded. Most people will. You know, it's so difficult.

A lot of people, I think Chiz and I were talking about this recently. You know, when there's like a forum and they ask a question and then that person on the mic is like doesn't ask the question smoothly and they talk about how cringeworthy and lame it is. It's harder to do than you might guess I don't know if you've ever been in front of like a virtual 50,000 people in a real-life 1000 now you're suddenly on stage and you want to ask a question a lot of people will turn into a stuttering mess so when Ted Cruz invites this person to come debate him he's a experienced person in like it's like I come into my shark tank only kyle will survive yeah there are different circumstances though i feel like i think the person uh it sounds like a

guy what race it was just a different agenda you know this was a black woman who had her agenda was mad and stuff didn't care if she did her homework and stuff she would know what she was doing was stupid as but she didn't care she was just ignorant like a car wreck coming at him and he had no staffers kind of kind of helping but i hadn't seen any security his staffers looked over 65 too and and there i felt like his whole party looked meek you know yeah and that sucks it was like a bunch of old people at a bus stop and these these like big fat black women were just shouting them down and they look really afraid just like a normal group of old people would have and i kept thinking like if i'm running

up a campaign there's like five guys on call that i can be like yeah and they're just gonna fucking hoist your ass up and have you out of there. Like, there's no way. Like, that's absurd. He should have better security. He shouldn't have, like, I don't know, just stood there like that, like a lump on the log. He looked like an asshole. And they looked like the biggest cunts of all. He looked weak. And they looked like cunts.

Yeah, like he had no power. He's, like, 73 years old, too. I don't think it gets too old to elect someone. That's the thing. I said this to woody and kylie the other day the one thing people are not arguing against his candidacy is the thing that was the primary focus of mccain's faults when he was running and he was like i think mccain's 70 now so he was like 62 back then or whatever this fucker's 73 right i will

say no one's brought up his age among 73 year, I think he'll be 74 when he takes office if it happens, he looks spry and with it. Whereas McCain has so many miles on him. Everyone's going to say the POW thing, and I guess that's part of it. It's not a big deal. Just seven years of torture. But also his face is swollen on one side. His arms do this.

That's torture. I don't know if that's from the torture i thought he had cancer dealt with i thought he and he had like a band-aid covering some sort of life they gave him the cancer in vietnam they did not he had like a facial lesion that he was having taken care of while he was that's where they put it stop so so mccain just looked like shit whereas bernie's biggest issue is his hairstyle. Outside of that, he looks like it's too long. He's got like a comb over. But in the truest sense, it's that he's 73.

Like he's already, what's the average longevity for a man in the U.S.? Like 74 or 76, something like that? Like he could very well take office and then immediately die. And it would not be like, Oh my God, shocking news. Like it'd be like, okay, well he was 74. I don't care how they look, but I do think he is healthier. Just like Jerry Brown, who's the governor of California, would be an excellent candidate.

And he's 75, I think, but he fucking runs like a mile every day. And he's healthy as an ox. Let me ask you a question. How would you like, I think we all know that Trump would not make the best president, and it would be kind of scary, as entertaining as it would be. And I just don't think he can win the presidency no matter – he would have to run against a really ineffective – Can I interrupt you?

Stephen Colbert is actively hoping that Trump is still leading when he starts his show. He's like, please give me Trump. Carry on. But I think he would make a really – i think he could be a good vp i think if the republicans are gonna win then it's that it's only if trump's on the ticket i think they i think if you have trump as your vp then all the people who would never vote for trump because he's fucking insane you might be able to pull enough of those over to i don't know jeb bush or ted cruz i was gonna say to pull enough of those over to, I don't know, Jeb Bush or Ted Cruz. Yeah, I was going to say Jeb Bush as the candidate, and you put Trump as the ticket, and he backs Jeb Bush. Bush-Trump.

They'd win. Oh, my God. Bush would jump. I don't think there's a chance for Hillary or a chance for Sanders. Well, there is no chance for that guy, Sanders. Hillary wins it if the Republicans don't do something like Kyle did, some kind of power move. So I just saw stats recently They say Hillary's chance of winning is 80%

Sanders is 12, but interesting Sanders is by far winning in New Hampshire the first primary and it's because he's from Vermont which is next to New Hampshire and it's almost home court for him He gets nationally known Maybe they start doing some debates.

Something about debates makes you see the candidates on a more level platform as opposed to previously it's all about media coverage and time. And then he wins New Hampshire. Does that not give him the kind of leg up that lets him more actively compete with Hillary on an even playing field? I think she'll shit on him in the debates anyway. He's going to win at least two out of the first three states, I would wager.

But they go to the South after that, don't they? Skipping Nevada, I know it comes in at some point. But when they go to the South, that's what he'll be telling because that's what matters. I feel like it affects to them. Yeah, first is the Iowa caucuses, if I recall. Yep. And no one even understands how caucuses fucking work.

Like you'd go there and you vote for your guy. And then if he doesn't like it, you like all run over to some other part of the room. That's for your second choice or something. I don't even know. Caucuses and shit. And then they go to New Hampshire where they actually vote like grownups. And then after New Hampshire,

what's next? Ohio? I think Hillary's a lock for the Democrats to be their nominee. Yeah. Unless Joe Biden throws his name in the hat. Or unless the FBI keeps... South Carolina, then Nevada. Yeah.

Well, I still think she wins the nominee given who's in that category, that regardless if they find out she sent documents just because Bernie Sanders is as far left as you can get. If it turns out way too far left. If she's done something criminal, then you can't. It doesn't matter.

He's so far fucking left, dude, she'll win the Democrat nominee. She will win presidency, or she'll win the Democrat nominee she won presidency she might win the demo well I that's what I'm okay but then whoever else is running in the democrats that we can't name right now will still win because he's too far left yeah no one is gonna vote realistic like there's I feel like it's a very tiny niche of Joe Biden left his fucking young people who like arrested that guy

Sanders he's literally getting like 12% of the vote right now. And he had no name recognition at the start of the campaign. And he's pulling giant crowds. Like his crowds are by far the largest of the campaign. Far bigger than Trump. Far bigger than Jeb Bush. Far bigger than Hillary. Bernie Sanders, number one.

And his crowds are like 30,000. It's almost reminiscent of Obama. Except that no one treated Obama like he was the Obama was like the number two guy right Hillary and Giuliani were one and then Obama was like a possibility too for some reason it's Hillary this time and Bernie Sanders yeah I'll admit whenever he like goes somewhere 30,000 people come to cheer him on but he's still nothing. Like, that's the narrative. Yeah, that's a drop in the bucket.

He's going to cities with, like, 6 million people in them, and then 30,000 people come out? He is the far-left socialist of the group. Guess who likes being an advocate, rallying behind shit, going to protest? Far-left liberal people. So that's why he's pulling big crowds. He's not going to pull you know these people moderates you know yeah he's gonna pull moderates and the people that go to trump's and stuff are probably of a younger generation but you go to jeb bush's campaign i'm

sure the average age there is like 38 to fucking 62 or whatever like you know it's like why the voting numbers were crazy during obama's elections because young people got up and fucking supported his ass because this was something liberal. It was new and unique. And Bernie Sanders is as far left as we've ever seen. So that's why they're getting out there and going, yeah, I can agree behind 98% tax and all these other liberal things. And he's for social policies.

That's why he's pulling these these fucking groups of people. Young people like to get out and do shit like that. I love the narrative that they're out doing it because they're unemployed losers. Like, that's my favorite. Some guy wrote to me. I was like, I wonder why the internet is so democratic. And he wrote this fucking, like, six-page thing to me as a Reddit message on how successful Republicans are and how they don't have any time for the internet. And that's why they're underrepresented on there.

Oh, they're so busy running their businesses and making their millions and this and that. And if you look at the average income of Republicans, it's off the charts and this and that. And the average age of a Republican and how they don't know what the internet is or how to use it. Very young people are way more likely to be hyper, extreme liberals. And those people just happen to be on websites online like reddit where it's just a liberal hub like you can't say it's more likely that without it being i think the internet skews towards youth and youth skews towards democrat and that's that's the explanation you know because i could counter that guy not that i'm i see myself as centered i don't know

what the world defines me as but you know I could say blue states have higher IQs. Blue states have more college and postgraduate degrees. I could make the same argument that these blue states are the super achievers that this guy could for the Republicans, their incomes and such. Yeah, I don't believe that's true, that blue states have higher IQs or anything like that. No, that's true. I would take that bet if you average them all. I'll take that bet. No, that's the thing.

You've got the Bible Belt. That's going to weigh down your average right there. Exactly. Yeah. A lot of those red states are like the deep south,isiana um yeah mississippi when you ever look at like the lowest performing high schools you get a lot of red states in alabama georgia solid maybe i don't know yeah not a very good gauge of the voting base anyway since they're likely to be involved in different agricultural businesses down there where they're not as educated traditionally in what you would need to perform well on an IQ test.

Right, right. But I don't know. Yeah, and IQ tests, they're one small measurement of whether you got what it takes. The guy who invented the test didn't think it was. No, he didn't no if we go by just the results of it people have gotten smarter over the past like 50 years is that really the case or are we just becoming more adept at taking tests since we're more like forced to do it like rigorously all the time day and night um yeah we're getting better educated but but uh what's that gonna say uh yeah, I think IQ tests are not nothing.

It's just they're not everything, that's all. I'm really looking forward to this. I want to see when there's two candidates in this thing, and I want one of them to be Trump so fucking bad. I want to see the mud he would sling in a presidential race. It would be so fun to watch him on that national stage talking shit. And he wins no matter what in that scenario if he loses the race well i mean he his star is rising every day at this point right and he's already a pretty well-known guy if he wins the

race he's the president of the fucking united states like he's uh he's riding high right now i bet he's really enjoying this the only way he could lose is if he runs and nobody cares. So it seems like the previous ones, he's like, I don't think so. He never actually ran. Now he runs. He's leading it for a while. It's a really

interesting story, Trump running this thing. And we were talking before about the he does things that would bury any other candidate it turns out the rules are different for trump and they just are and part of it is because he handles it so well but part of it i think is expectations are just different people forgive trump i think a big part of it is that is that that 30% of Republican voters is the really fucking misogynistic, racist, closed-minded, religious

group of the party. And I think that's why they're sticking with him. They're like, yeah, fuck Hillary. Yeah, that bitch does have her period. That's why she's talking smack, Trump. Don't take no shit. Yeah, let's kill them brown people. Put that wall up, too. They took our jobs. why she's talking smack Trump don't take no shit yeah let's kill him brown people did you hear the period I'm taking a complete other side oh I heard some of like the little sound clips of of Trump but I'm taking the other side of Kyle I don't know which one's right but I think like having talking talk to my grandparents who are from southern Missouri. Like a lot of those people down there hate Trump because they feel like he is making the Republican Party, like what they firmly believe, all those principles and whatnot, that he feels like he's making a mockery of it.

Like he's basically a big straw man gallivanting around, making a fool, just making an easy target on them. And they're like, oh, that that hollywood man going around let alone he was an outspoken democrat with a bunch of liberal policies and just flip-flopped right before he threw his name in the hat for the republicans like that pisses a lot of people off and it's a fair argument and that's where i stand like i really wouldn't mind trump if he won the whole damn thing i wouldn't like what i don't think he's gonna start a war i think that's just him being hyperbolic. And I think he could really have a healthy economy. And I think you'd see his liberal tendencies come back.

I think that's super dangerous. He's been liberal all his life. You think it's super dangerous, but we— When a guy says, look, I'm going to start a war with ISIS. Not telling you what I'm doing, but trust me, my plan fucks up ISIS. And, you know, I'm going to do this. I'm going to put a big wall on that. I'll get Mexico to pay. Right. He's not telling you about his plan because he doesn't have a plan yeah no no but what you've done in your last sentence is you kind of projected what you want him to be and

said you know what regardless of all these things he says and the holes and what he's saying I think in reality he'll do all the things that I like in a president every candidate every year says oh I'm doing this I'm gonna close Guantanamo on the first day. Oh, I'm not going to put arsenic in the water. They say all that when they're running, do the complete opposite or never do it when they get into office. So when he, it counters just that argument. I'm not hoping for it. It's just a proven track record of what they do. Oh, when Obama gets in, he'll legalize potty. So liberal on this. No, that's not a thing. He never said that. He never said that. That was a presumption a lot of people made

based on who he was. See, and I think that you've argued against yourself. My argument isn't faulted, though. You're saying, oh, my presumptions are this. And then you don't actually get it. He said he was going to close Guantanamo. He said he was going to get us out of the two wars in, like, three years or whatever. All that stuff, that didn't happen.

He did so many things that, you know, in his campaign, oh, less foreign, you know, years or whatever. All that stuff, that didn't happen. He did so many things that, you know, in his campaign, oh, less foreign, you know, surveillance or whatever, drone strikes, all that. And then he gets into office and does the opposite or doesn't do those things. Every candidate does that. That's why no one believes. It's all false promises when they're running.

When they get in, they do what they want. It's true that almost every candidate is unable to deliver on all the promises they gave while they were being or they're saying things to get votes however it's a bad idea to vote for someone on the idea that they'll most likely flip and not be the kind of president they're telling you they're going to be if you say ah i don't think he'll really go to war i know he's running on this i'll go to war thing but in reality he won't do that you're less likely to get someone who's closer to your target if you vote for someone who's not saying the things that are close to your target no because he's also lying like i said he's an outspoken democrat he has so many liberal now

he's making up these stories about why he's pro-choice and come around to the or pro-life and come around to the issue i'm more scared about the people who aren't saying oh fucking bomb them so hard because those are the people that will do the shady shit they will break the pro-choice pro-life every republican i'm sure wants to go attack isis that is on that stage. Except maybe Rand Paul. Yeah, that's true, actually. But no, no, I think it's a very dangerous game. And I'll tell you, I played it.

I played it once when I was about your age. I voted for George W. Bush the first time, 16 years ago or something like that. And it was like, all right, I know he's not going to be my perfect president, but I'm really on board with these four things he said. And Congress or reality will rein in the things that I don't like about him. And then he went in there and it was like, oh my God, he's way more extreme than I ever thought he would be. He's more extreme than he said. You know, he ran on this compassionate, conservative platform.

And then when we got him, he was anything but, you know. But you're arguing my point right now. See, I'm not, I'm saying he's going to do the opposite of what he's saying. That what he's saying in the forefront, like what you said with Bush, you thought, you know, he's going to do these things he said in his campaign, all these things. And then he got the title and then doesn't do them but your point is pretty close to argue for the one you hate the most vote for the one that is least similar to what you want because they won't be anything like they said they were and that's not the point i'm making now i'm not saying it's pretty close to that well if that were the case i would vote for bernie but not a chance. Yeah, right, but that's not what I'm saying. I think that it would be hilarious.

I think he's just being hyperbolic. I don't think he's going to do that, and I'm willing to take that chance based on how every other politician has ran their campaigns and then their presidencies. You're betting that there's a hidden sanity under the sheets there. I do. This is a businessman who's made billions. I don't think he's a crazy person. I think he's hyperbolic and knows how to draw a crowd. He's an entertainer.

He's smart. Everyone gives him, what's her face? Miley Cyrus, so much credit for being smart. Oh, she's owning this and doing that. Why is Trump not giving the same thing? You saw him put the smack down on Vince McMahon. You think that's a dumb man who just made a couple billion dollars and now he's running? You said that, not me.

No, I'm not arguing that Trump is dumb. Just don't know that he was born with every cent he has now like he's totally that's it that's all he is it you're right it is a head start when you like you begin with 20 million but on the other hand if i began with 20 million i think that 20 years later i'd probably have like 25 or 30 million and be living nicely he He's a billionaire. Not a 10 billionaire, but whatever. It's pretty legit. No, that number's not real. No, no. I love that... The numbers that can be proven are 4 and 5. Yeah.

He valued his name itself as a $3 billion asset. The name does have value. I'll give him that. But one thing that's fun about this is as the presidential campaign continues, raise the valuation on that name thing because it's just getting bigger and better yeah I hope by

the time he's facing off against Hillary for the president for the presidency he's like and she's like this guy claims be worth ten beans ah 11 phone that would yeah yeah stock has went up yeah i got the stock app on my phone oh wouldn't that be great if she's like arguing with him and he's just like texting and then getting back to her uh yeah do you remember when bush seemed to wear that uh you guys are probably young the first time bush debated he appeared to have a mic in his ear like that dude. It's ah I bet I could find it I've seen that that still image. Yeah Bush hidden Mike he's tips like he's cheating on a test all right. This is bush. Yeah, somebody

He should have Kelly's he should have never taken that motherfucker out What what that who was in charge of that they should have been whispering in his ear from day one whoever was whispering in his ear had some good shit that all that all made sense he wasn't talking about arsenic and killing brown people when he was in those debates it was all like fucking hope and change himself here it is i found them sounded good i found the mystery right he had something between his shoulder blades on his back and you could kind of see the mic like by his ear,

like it came out of his shirt and other pictures. A lot of people say that that was a receiver so that people could give him tips or like just help him out during the debates. Like he's being coached live

and his tailor dove on the sword and said, is dove on the sword? Jumped on the sword? Anyway. Fell on his sword. Fell on his sword. said it's dove on the sword jumped on the sword anyway fell on his sword fell on the sword that's what i'm going for his tailor fell on a sword and was like i'm so sorry it was a poorly tail or tailored shirt or whatever he put a metal rod jacket there yeah he's like it's my fault that it laid like that i'm what the fuck that's not fabric doing that straight taut fucking fabric like this you know i had some sheet metal in my tailoring process my apologies i didn't remove it you know like that's that's not a thing that happens when there's a that's not how a jacket can lay

fabric doesn't behave like what is the kevlar sports jacket or something you know like maybe that was my thought i was like is could it be because it's a place a politician why would he be wearing something weird under his coat body armor yeah uh that could be that that came up no he said it wasn't there it wasn't a thing and then he said my jacket just lays funny my tailor did it and his tailor backed him up what of course okay well yeah i don't know if he didn't i i i don't really care about that very much i don't care either i've always thought about that like if you i thought about that because i for a while i did think they had those tiny ones you can't see or whatever and they would use them to help but i was that is that really what you need you're trying to focus on what this guy is saying right now and come up with your rebuttal

no here's what here's what i would want if if i were a fake politician let's say and and i just don't have the chops to to hang with these you know these all super accomplished people you hear them talk to you i put myself in their shoes sometimes these debates and i'm just like ah i don't know anything about that person in that other country and all that money and that trade deal. I don't know anything about that, but the person asked is immediately like, he knows about that. What if you had five, six guys in a room and there's a couple guys doing research, so if Hillary starts going on and on about like, you know, she's naming names, giving facts, dates and records and stuff.

If you had people fact-checking her at the speed of light and then you had one guy who's got the microphone maybe they all got a microphone and they can all chime in anytime they want to and talk to you but what i would really want is someone who's a legit debate guy and he just talks in my ear and says what i should say and i just repeat after him and go go from there like you had something like that yeah it sounds perfect but i think under pressure in a room in a town hall setting, I don't think you'd be so hot. To take what someone is saying and say it back live without getting caught up and making it seem organic, I think you're saying it's too easy. You make it seem like it's live, but in reality, like I'm here debating Taylor. While Taylor's talking, they're saying, Woody, that part's not true.

And they give me a sentence or a zinger. And press him on that. Press him on that. The numbers are way off. Actually, the lead percentages were five percent per million. He's you know, they could they could totally feed you like legit hard facts and then and maybe even cite sources. And you know that you could tear a guy apart like that if you had that in your ear.

And the fact that Bush didn't do that stuff makes me think he didn't have anybody in his ear. He did curiously well, you know, in those debates. I mean, his competition wasn't too strong. I've always... Yeah, he... It was Gore. When he was debating Gore. It was Gore, yeah, but Gore's not the greatest, you know, public speaker and guy to sell.

Yeah, that's the thing. Gore the... I would have voted Gore. That guy had just, like, one ounce of charisma. Like, he would have been the him. That guy had just like one ounce of charisma like he would have been the president. That's all he needed. He needed to like vent someone that he wasn't like. I don't know. Just his voice, the way it drones and the whole everything about him.

I'm just. He was. It's funny, too, because afterwards he got really funny and he had a bunch of stories to tell and he told jokes. I remember he was at a Tony Robbins TED Talk, and I forget what Tony Robbins said, but it was something like, you know, you've got winners and you've got losers, and Gore's like, then there's in between, right,

because he, like, won the popular run. And, like, a whole audience laughed and everything, and he's like, that's funny. If you were like that when you ran, you'd be president right now. Yeah, and if he had to made out with tipper that time that was just gross well i like you remember that what with tipper gore okay so so the media was going after gore uh maybe during the primary uh not um uh you know when the the democrats are facing up i think they're going after him for being too like like, cardboard and, like, not a real guy and not relatable. And I guess that...

So he made out with Tipper, his wife, like, when... At some kind of... I think when he got the nomination or something like that. And it was like... There was some tongue involved, and it felt like they were, like, you know, showing off the cameras.

You got it. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait. I'll go to watch me actually. Ah fuck that shit. I don't like it. There's really no reason to. I feel like our system is so good. This is faster. I'm there. 3, 2, oh you had 16 seconds in?

3, 2, 1, play. Jesus. There was no tongue in there. 3, 2, 1, play. Jesus. Yeah. There was no tongue in there. No, it was a messy touch in Locke. He grabbed her ass in front of her. Tens of thousands of people. I'm going to refresh this and watch again.

But they did not come in at a good Locke. No, they didn't because they were going to do the chicken peck. And then you can see them rethink, like, is it appropriate for us to do this right now? And then they split second decision. Yeah, let's just go for it. She's like, I wish you would have given me the double nod to know this was going to happen because you just ate half my face as you came in. And now we look like psychos. She sucks.

She was all about censoring TV, wasn't she? Tipper Gore? All about video games and evil things corrupting the youth? You're right, I remember it being music really. But yeah, he's right, Tipper Gore was definitely on like a, she was all about like ratings and stuff and like... Chainswife too. Oh, is that right? Really? I didn't know she had any political stances. Yeah, I just know Tipper was big on that. And at the time I was like a kid and I was like, no you can't censor me, I'm totally ready for Grand big on that. And at the time, I was like a kid, and I was like, no, you can't censor me.

I'm totally ready for Grand Theft Auto or whatever was the thing. And now I find it a difficult topic. Should something like Grand Theft Auto be sold to 12-year-olds? No, but it's not. Yes. Well, she led the campaign on things like that. Was she right or was she wrong? She was ignorant on the matter because the answer is no, it shouldn't, and it's not.

It's up to the parents' discretion. I would argue you're ignorant on the matter and that these ratings didn't exist back in the 90s. Hmm. And there was Grand Theft Auto out in the 90s? What game was so bad in the 90s what game was so bad in the 90s that kids couldn't have Grand Theft Auto was out in the 90s well but it was the top down version yes our ratings had ESRB ratings that wasn't graphic dude you can burn a grandma alive in a in a in these Grand Theft Auto games now I see everybody like doing

motorcycles and shit I just want to burn the crowds. The M rating came out in 94 and so did every other rating under the SRB. 94? Yeah, so that would have been 96. No, but yeah, she's the one that did that. 96 is when her husband ran, but that was already her record.

You know, 92s and such was when she was doing that stuff. So, um... Wait, 90 when she was doing that stuff. So, wait, 90 whatever. She did it before it was happening. That's the thing. And I know she did it with music too. So, I don't know. What do you say?

In conclusion on the politics talk, I don't think that I've seen a single candidate that I like so far. Like, actually like. Like, it'd'd be really really funny if trump got elected really really funny yeah almost worth it out of a spite vote but other than that i think i think we all feel that way except for trump years every time i'm sorry except for chis who uh who's actually becoming pro-trump i think i think he's the best chance to win it on the Republican side. And I think Hillary wins the whole thing, unless, like Kyle said, she goes to jail or something. Unless Joe...

If Joe Biden throws his hat in after that odd circumstance, then I think Joe Biden would take the whole thing. But there's a difference between what you predict and what you want. Here's what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want. Go on what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want. I want Hillary and Bill on a ticket together

versus Donald Trump as VP and who are we going to make? I don't know who to make the presidential candidate for the dream scenario. Somebody else from reality TV. Jesse Ventura.

So he gets the... Oh, Jesse Ventura. Arnold Schwarzenegger. That would be the greatest, right? No, Jesse Ventura would be funny. This whole thing is a scam. Don't even vote. Don't trust what we're telling you.

That guy is such a conspiracy theorist. He goes on and on with all that crazy shit. He's pretty outrageous. He's on Stern a lot, and he's always coming up with some ridiculous shit. Do you think, what if Trump picked somebody really old? This would be smart, actually. He picked Bernie Sanders or something, somebody really fucking old to be on the ticket all right someone who's got a short clock he runs vp puts all his backing and supporting behind him this guy croaks six months into his term trump is president i have

a remaining scenario this one's not mine it's from 4chan black life protesters interrupt donald trump on stage trump calls them out as paid opposition and scum that are profiting off the legitimate problems of the black community. Oh, my God. I can't even say this. Say it. Apes start to chimp. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

A punch is thrown. Donald is forced to defend himself on live TV. Donald punches one person who falls instantly to the ground. Donald punches another and she goes down. There are too many. Donald can't hold out any longer. Suddenly a voice screams from the side of the stage, I'm coming, brother!

Hulk Hogan struts out to real American blasting in the background. What you gonna do, people, when Hulk Radio runs wild on you? The Hulkster kills the remaining black life matters protesters he turns the crowd with donald trump beside him simultaneously hogan and trump pointed the crowd with one finger and says biden you're fired that's how trump announces his vice president what if he what if trump got someone like i had to change some language in that thing yeah you did you did but the few n-bombs i read that a couple days ago they weren't even

n-bombs they were they were racial slurs i'm not familiar with is nog a thing n-o-g nignog okay uh it only had nog and then there was another one that was also new to me we can skip all this but what if dwayne johnson was his vp It only had Nog. And then there was another one that was also new to me. We can skip all this. But what if Dwayne Johnson was his VP? Let's just let the racial slur talk. Dwayne Johnson as Trump's VP. The Rock? Yeah, get another American hero.

Get an American hero in the entertainment industry to couple with the guy who's the business king, all right? Dwayne Johnson? Dude, people would rally behind that shit. What? I would vote for The Rock. He's the second highest paid actor next to fucking Robert Downey Jr. Everyone loves The Rock.

I think I have a video for this. I think I have a video that would give us an idea of what a Rock presidency would be like. I've been on the tip for my next topic forever, but this is flowing. Yeah, Robert Downey Jr.

has been the highest paid actor like three years in a row now. Really? That Iron Man money. I remember Trump was the highest paid actor on TV and he was on SNL doing his thing. He's like,

I am the highest paid actor on television, which is we all know means the best actor pretty good yeah you have the most expensive thing it's the it's the best thing let's say this alright I'm cute up at zero five minutes are we gonna watch it? Nah, probably watch a couple minutes of it. Alright, uh, oh wait, big screen. Are you ready? Yeah. Ready, set, play. Gentlemen, uh, thank you for coming.

So we're looking at a SNL skit. Now, the reason I asked you all here is because we only have until the end of March. So, uh, I'm gonna go ahead and do a little an SNL skit. Now, the reason I asked you all here is because we only have until the end of March to get something done in the Middle East. And that's hard to do when you, Senator Cotton, are sending letters to the Iranian government behind my back. Yes, I did. All right. Or when you, Speaker Boehner, are inviting the Prime Minister of Israel to speak to Congress without consulting with me?

Come on. You have to do it. Or when you, Senator Cruz, call Mr. Netanyahu an extraordinary leader and side with him against your own president? That's just how I feel. Okay. Now, look, I'm going to try to not lose my temper,

but what's it going to take for us to show a united front on this? Well, not to be rude, Mr. President, but the only reason I invited Prime Minister Netanyahu is because I wanted to meet a world leader whose people actually respect him. Yeah, you know, and I'm impressed he even came to visit, considering how much you botched the situation in the Middle East. I've been in Washington three months, and I think I understand foreign policy better than you. And unrelated, I heard your final four bracket is totally busted.

Nice. Oh, my God, it's happening. I love the effects. What's happening? What's happening is you made Barack Obama very angry. And when you make him angry, he turns into the Rock Obama. That's the dumbest kid ever. Like, who came up with this idea? Well, anyway, I just wanted to remind you about dinner, Barack.

Gentlemen, good luck. Now, uh, don just wanted to remind you about dinner, Barack. Gentlemen, good luck. Now, uh, don't be alarmed. Barack Obama, much like Barack Obama, only larger and, uh, more violent. Where were we? You, orange man. Me? Did you invite Netanyahu without asking? Um, I did, but...

You like Israel? Yes. Oh, maybe you should go visit Israel. Is that enough? Yeah, that's enough. His Obama sounds like a caveman. I think he was trying to do like a Hulk thing, right? With the choppy sentences.

Totally. Yeah. Yeah, it continues like that. He keeps throwing them out the window, I think. Yeah, I am mad. I saw George Foreman on SNL and it was funny. Because he goes on there and he does this skit. And he's like, oh, George Foreman angry.

And he like beats up someone. He's like oh George Foreman angry and he like beats up someone he's like George Foreman angry he beats up someone else he's like George Foreman no like skit this skit like SNL skits same joke again and again and again it's like my mom complains about SNL says they just keep reusing the joke in every skit. It was pretty funny. And then it made me see SNL skits like that. They have a kernel of an idea and then they stretch it for eight minutes or something.

Yeah, no problem. New topic? Yeah. I was reading this thing on entrepreneur.com. I forgot how I got there. I probably read it. 50% – I'm sorry.

50 cents bankruptcy is a lesson in valuing what you earn. And then they go on to talk about it. It's pretty much this easy come, easy go thing. He earned $185,000 a month. He bought Mike Tyson's mansion. Mike Tyson burned through $400 million somehow. I don't know how much of that was stolen from him. But they mentioned Burt Reynolds, Kim Basinger, Willie Nelson, Scotty Pippen. All these guys went broke. Apparently, you know, when I heard 50 Cent

You know, when I heard 50 Cent declared Chapter 11, and a quick lesson. There's two kinds of bankruptcies, 11 and 7. 11 is the one where they pretty much just like the government negotiates how much the people you owe actually get. And then you start over again. 7 is when they liquidate you. And that one almost seems more fair. Like, you know, Chiz owes all these people money money don't know why I'm making it cheese and they wipe out cheese give everything they can do their creditors etc 11 is different

with 11 which after 11 they just like yeah it is alright you're worth a hundred million you owe 28 we'll make that 14 and you know they'll be default on all your yeah and they default or pay pennies on the dollar and the things that he owes and that's what he's doing so he's kind of screwing over the people that he borrowed from or you know why right see that's the thing so he was in financial trouble already they made it seem like it was fake at first like dot 50 cents so rich this is all a big scam to get out of the was it a rape charge what was it what would he lose in court a sex tape of uh someone else's girl i forget who and he was being sued rick ross

rick ross is that what it is he lost but i think the lawsuit was only for like a couple million. Eight million. Oh, I'm sorry. That's what his maintenance was. Let me see. It's in here somewhere. Yeah, all right. You guys are right.

So there's five million that he lost to a Florida woman over a sex tape and 18 million that he owes to some company called Sleek Audio, which looked like it was a Beats by Dre competitor that went wrong. So those are the two big lawsuits, the $18 million and the $5 million. But there's a bunch of other things that he owes that add up to like $28 million, I think, if I have it right. And it's just interesting that this guy was like the guy. Like he got $100 million in that Vitamin Water deal. He made a lot of money off his records.

This was like the richest of all the rap guys and it turned out to be a facade not a facade i mean he was living the big life but um the the theme of this article i was reading was the easy come easy go thing that that's i mean 100 grand expenses a month that's outrageous no that was his earnings 185 that was his expenses as well 108 000 yeah uh oh you're getting from a different article i guess there's something no there there it is yeah he spends 108 a month on expenses but he said he was earning 185 a month on royalties and investments that's 185 a month is amazing money like you weren't yeah 185 a year i thought he earned a percentage on vitamin water i didn't

know that like he got bought out by them or just took a lump sum yeah in 2007 he got 100 million from coca-cola so 100 million if you get a hundred million dollar windfall and you know he didn't like earn it i guess he earned it by making a clever decision early on, but I really doubt he was on like the vitamin water decision-making process, you know? And like I don't think it was his wisdom that made it do so well. He was just an early investor. He got $100 million and it blew.

And something about the way this article read on the easy come, easy go thing. I'm sitting here bound and determined not to follow in his footsteps. I don't know. He's not out of money. He is going to be okay. Yeah, that's what the article says too. I don't know where it says how much he's got, but people were freaking out when this first broke out.

Oh, he's filing bankruptcy. I'm like, clearly you don't know what it means because it doesn't mean he ran out of money it means that he wants the government to reduce his debt so that he can pay pennies on the dollar that's what 11 means anyway um it even says it right here chapter 11 bankruptcy protection does not mean you're broke this is good him. It is going to be good for him. We'll see. I mean, like, this is a guy who sucks at managing his money

in a really extreme way. While this Chapter 11 thing might work out okay for him, if he keeps fucking up, there's no more vitamin waters coming in, right? There probably aren't. That's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. He's not going to continue to get 100 million dollars dropped into his checking account on a regular

basis he's going to need to start living like as much as he's made he still managed to fuck this up and he'll probably come out of this a multi-millionaire but but not like he was. He needs to start living almost like a regular rich person anyway. That's so horrible. If I had $100 million, even taking away the possibility of investing or starting a business, if you just had to live off that

on no interest the rest of your life, you could go on as many... You could live on the train. Buy your own goddamn train, man. I could build a fucking train. Well, you couldn't do that because then you'd be out of money just like 50 cent pretty quick. Because no one rides trains. No one's going to help subsidize those costs.

You can all buy yourself a train. My train has stripper poles. That sounds safe. It's not dangerous. You saw the snowpiercer. Not dangerous at all. The snowpiercer. Yeah, at all. The Snowpiercer. Yeah, but that would be enough money for you, your whole life, your children, and your grandchildren, their entire lives.

Yeah. And you could live well, whatever you want, whenever you wanted it, as long as you weren't like, I need my biweekly Bugatti. As long as you weren't ridiculous, you could do that. Bugattis are a million, so you can run out of... You can spend a lot on Bugattis, but I think they're a million, right? Am I right? This Bugatti Veyron's a million dollar

car? 1.5. Probably between 1 and 3 million, I think. Okay. Those are the kind of things that... I somehow got to looking at Lotus Elises recently. You know a Lotus Elise is like 30 grand? Yeah, it's a beautiful car.

I mean, it looks like a million bucks. It's 30 grand. I used to live next to a Lotus dealership. It handles as well as any car on the planet. I mean, it's right there. The motor is not super car-ish, but it's so light that it's like an amazing car to take the track and toss around corners.

Somehow I was like, well, maybe. I was like, no way, you stupid fuck. You don't spend $30,000 on a toy. Don't be 50 Cent, you jackass. Exactly. You wouldn't go down and buy a yacht that you used once.

That'd be ridiculous. Sail it one time? Hey, but anytime I want to, I can. That's not even true. Well, until it's ship-shaped. First, you get it off the bottom. Get those barnacles off of it. Right now, it looks like the freaking boat from Captain Ron. Nah, it got cleaned a while back.

A reference I'm sure five people got. Yeah, like me and Woody were the only ones who got the a while back. A reference I'm sure five people got. Yeah, yeah. Like me and Woody were the only ones who got the Captain Ron reference. I didn't get it. That's an old movie and not a good one. Not a good one. Old bad movies are hard to reference. The Barnacle had a lot of crap on the bottom of it, though.

It was on point for the few people old enough. It was. Yeah. A little gem for those people. That actually sat through that movie. But stuff like that interests me because... But I bet if you pulled 50 Cent, I bet he doesn't regret any of it. I'm sure he still has

40 million. I bet he's got tons of assets. I bet he doesn't regret a damn thing. It's like, he can still live out his life luxuriously and he's got tons and assets. I bet he doesn't regret a damn thing. It's like he can still live out his life luxuriously, and he's lived however many years luxuriously playing by his own rules. So I'm sure while none of us here would do what he did by any stretch of the imagination,

I bet he doesn't sit back and go, I shouldn't have done those things. I should have budgeted better. There might be some. Maybe he's thinking, I wish I hadn't lost $18 million on the headset deal. Maybe I shouldn't have uploaded that sex tape. It wasn't worth $5 million to me. Right, but the $100,000 a month in expenses.

That was worth it. Totally worth it. He's still making $85 a fucking month. I'm sure he was well i think that i think like we hear 100 we hear that 100k in expenses 108 or whatever and i think we think that like that's all the money he spent that month but i think that he's just like if before he spends a dime 108 grand is going out every month that's just his life yard crew i think that like to make sure that i don't know he's got the person looking at his house here and the people that look at his

house over there and the guy cutting his grass at these eight different locations and then all but he's got so much money going out. That's just 108 that just goes out every month before he spends a dime and then you see how... That's including things like his wardrobe and grooming so I mean there's a giant expense right there. I think that's an employee.

I think that's why it includes that. I think that's a fucking person with a job whose job is to like walk around with 50 cent and make sure his hair is looking right what a job that would be stretch i sometimes i i daydream about the conveniences that really wealthy people have like servants yeah that's pretty much the thing. You know, like I... You gotta get your car inspected and it's like, fuck, I want someone to handle this for me. Do you self want to mail order brides and put her in that guest house?

Why? With Chiz. Well, she could be your servant. She can be your keep Chiz from smoking on the down low servant. Surely you could find a Mexican for way cheaper. Oh, you're going to scoff at that, but mail order Russian brides, totally cool and not an issue. It's because Russians are white, Chiz.

You need to learn the rules in this liberal age. Yes, you can't be racist against white people. It's totally fine. They're not Russian. They transcend races. Yes. If they're Russian slaves, it's all cool. Totally cool.

I was going to get an Asian one. I was thinking. All right, well, now we've got a color to yell at. So now you're fucked. Yeah. They're not white. I can't believe it. Like, they're not real people.

Don't care if they die. Yeah, brown Asians and yellow Asians. There ain't no white Asians, Kyle. You're fucked. Actually, I think. There ain't even black Asians. Aren't Iranians white Asians, Kyle. You're fucking... Actually, I think... Aren't Iranians white? No way. Yeah, we talked about that. They're pale skinned, green eyes.

Totally. 100%. We were... We nailed that one. What? Nailed it. I was afraid that we were gonna get into researching if Iranians were white again because I remember the last time it happened and it stretched on for half a fucking hour, and we've done it twice already.

Yeah, if I had a nickel every time that's come up. This would be our third time confirming that Iranians are white. Every time. It's like, I know. I know they are. Iranians are white. Nailed it. I'll just agree so we don't have to go down that road.

Good. Good. I'll do my so we don't have to go down. Good. Good. Jesus Christ. Do you want to talk about our guest last week? I thought he was a real hit. Who, Dollar Shave Club man? Yeah. Well, we got to take care of something real quick.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of that, I have another ad to tell you guys you guys about all right uh all right so here we go this is uh so this is another um so this is for um excuse me authors on acid and uh we were talking about earlier that they had come up with a much better ad read this time and i really like this so here we go you may remember them from such events like advertising an app that wasn't even on ios yet being rejected by apple for being accidentally racist and being mocked by jericho for their unusual style of humor they'd like to apologize to anyone who was unable to download their app from apple last time around and let you guys know that it's 100 live now and over 95 racism free at

this point so authors onid is a collaborative writing game where friends and strangers group together to write rude and amusing stories. The trick is each player can only see the story title and the previous sentence. They call it Cards Against Humanity meets Mad Libs, but with more creativity and in a mobile app. So AOA is making today their official launch date after getting approved to be on iOS. I always want to say iOS.

After being approved to be on iOS. I think it is iOS. Is it? I'm not supposed to say iOS. I always say iOS. Are you supposed to say iOS? I say iOS and I haven't been corrected. Carry on.

I want to clarify. So AOA is making today their official launch date after getting approved to be on iOS. And best of all, this app is totally free to play. So unless you have no thumbs, low self-esteem, or hate fun, then there's no excuse not to download and get to playing. So head on over to authorsonasset.com and download the app on iOS or Android today. It doesn't matter what the topic is with Authors on Asset, so sit back and enjoy the trip. Things are about to get weird. Awesome.

You know what? I wonder if these guys have hit a million dollar idea. That's kind of exciting to me, someone finding their fortune. Do you remember the one where you used to, it was like Pictionary, but you could play with strangers over your phone like that was a really clever idea you draw something and they'd guess what you're drawing and inside oh is that drop with friends yeah yeah draw with friends right draw with friends Linda Jenner's had a game where you like put the phone on your head and it says a thing and they I don't know there was a whole thing where you flip the phone and it

goes to the next question you It's like charades. That one sounds really easy to write. They could have got some 13-year-old learning to code to do that. It was pretty clever. Flipping it down is a wrong answer. It was a motion-detect trigger. It was a well-made game.

It was extremely popular. Anyway, Authors on Acid. I wonder if this could really get traction and turn into the big thing that everyone's playing. That would be exciting for me. Well, if it does, they better buy five more episodes. Yeah. This is their launch day for iOS right here.

Really? Yeah. Today as we record or Saturday as they go live? When it goes live is their official launch day so Saturday really it's just It's out now, but they haven't put any push where their initial push what they're calling their launch day So nice well authors on it on pka for success check them out. You know I Wish him some luck and some support and authors on acid sounds like a really cool concept So I hope they crush it.

I enjoyed it. You can't tell. You haven't been able to see. I've tried so many times my hair. But I went and looked in the mirror and it just looked so fucking ridiculous. Oh, I know. So before the show. I can do that, but you can't see it.

Turn the lights on. Yeah. Why is it so dark in there? Why do you say? Look, I have to get so close because I don't have a light. You know, I told Chiz that he should like push all of it. It's just hard to show it in camera as opposed to in person. Like make a mohawk out of his hair with a bunch of gel.

So it kind of got a thing going on there. Yeah. It's like a pompadour. I think you need to workshop it a bit, but there's something. Maybe. I would have gotten like a comb and like brushed it. Oh, I think you need to workshop it a bit, but there's something. Maybe. I would have gotten, like, a comb and, like, brushed it and put so much. But it just, the problem is at the rate of when that stuff hardens, it goes back down. You just got that dirty, curly, ethnic hair.

That's all it is. I don't know why ethnicities are dirty or anything. Hey, there's no problem with having really, really curly hair, Kyle. Really offensive, frankly. Sorry I don't have feathery hair like you. It's not that I like you less for being a dirty ethnic. It's just

the way that it is. Uh, ethnic. You're white. I mean, if you think you're white with that hair, then I'm sure you are. Yeah, you're totally not white. I mean if you think you're white with that hair then... Yeah, you're totally not white. I think Kyle is on the podium of whiteness. Kyle's on the gold standard there.

I don't know what! No, no, no. I'm the only one here with blue eyes. What does Kyle have? You have blue eyes? We can't tell because you sit in the dark. You couldn't tell in fucking person. You didn't know that right off the top of your head. I didn't know it until you claimed it. I have blue green eyes. Don't blame him. What he was too busy berating the others. The others.

Those are the people on Lost. Don't bring that up. But I have the whitest skin, I have freckles, and I have blue eyes. My hair just disagrees. I'm sorry, you have an afro. I'm yanking your white card. I'm a very small part Italian. I'm literally 50% Spanish, first generation. Yeah, there you go! What did I just say? Yeah.

That's not Italian. I didn't say it. You're part Italian? You just admit it. No, no. Part Italian, part Spain, all dirty ethnic. You remember in art class when you mix red and blue and you get a different color? When you mix, it turns out, Italian and Spanish, Puerto Rican.

You're Puerto Rican now. And from henceforth, that is how it shall be. What language do the Spanish speak? Spanish! Puerto Rican. I thought that was like a trick or something. She just had a legit brain fart right there. You were so happy and clever.

What do the Spanish speak? Spanish. Yeah, I got it. Puerto Rican, I'm saying that. Yes. You didn't even bring up Puerto Rican. You asked me to Spanish speak. That's the thing. That's what the...

Hey, I just thought of an idea for... I thought of it so I don't forget it. What if we went to Cuba on a trip? Because that's a thing now. Well, I mean, it was always a thing. Yeah, but it's a lot easier of a thing now. There's lots of flights going there now. But what would we do there?

I don't fucking know. It's a shitty Miami. Because all the Cubans come over there and go to Miami and populate it with their culture and stuff. It's because they don't have any money. It would just be money a really poor I'm down so you think it sounds easy I think Cuba would be cool I think in some way be an interesting trip and we come back emotionally richer I want to do something I don't want to get all the cigars legal now yeah once you know I don't know if that went through all the

way I could have sworn Obama smoked a Cuban cigar as some sort of stuff yeah I think he did I don't know if it went through but the way i i could have sworn obama smoked a cuban cigar as some sort of stunt yeah i think maybe he did i don't know if it went through but if it did yeah yeah the whole thing nobody's ever cared though that's like a wink and a nod it's always yeah it's always been around smoked cigar i smoked heroin across the border they take it pretty seriously that's why they're all driving all those old motherfucking cars over there from the 50s dude we should get in like a freaking Chevy Bel Air taxi. Do a thing. It's probably not even that. They probably have like Toyota Celicas. We just want to get in cabs and... Go to the beach, right Kyle? Just go mingle with the locals. You said go to Cuba.

We want to go to the Bay while we're at it. Yeah, let's go there. You said go to Cuba. It's literally a place surrounded by fucking ocean. The thing you hate the most. All things are surrounded by ocean at some level. As long as you don't make me like some smart ass. Thanks. People like... Hey, I watched a documentary... No one likes a dirty ethnic.

Wow. I think you're wonderful just the way you are, Chiz. Without that hat, I don't even... I'm paler than them. I think you're wonderful just the way you are, Chiz. Without that hat, I don't even know. I'm pretty pale. That's because you're in a dark fucking room all the time. Like, I'm outside. Yeah.

I bet if you got a little bit of sun, though, you'd be so dark you'd be getting pulled over left and right. Like, you wouldn't be able to hide in there. You'd catch a beating in your own house. Here's the question, do you think I could run for the, uh, NAACP? You could be one of those fake black people. Do you identify as black? But I'm not fake, I'm ethnically the right color according to you. You got a little tanning? She was a white woman from North Dakota or whatever, alright?

That's pretty goddamn white. I don't think they'll buy it with your Spanish-speaking background. They'll be like, who's this Puerto Rican pretending they're black? You could totally fit in as a Latino. Yeah, you could run as a Latino for sure. Yeah. That's not true at all. Yeah, Puerto Rican.

Yeah, yeah. They still have an accent. Not all Puerto Ricans have accent, you racist fuck. Yeah, they do in the United States. Yeah. Oh, that's also true. No way, Jose. I don't know who to believe here.

Taylor's just agreeing with everyone. He literally agreed to two contrary points of view back to back. That's true. That is also true. He's just reading something. He's like, oh yeah, I agree. He's like, I get behind both things. Just keep fighting people.

That's exactly right, Chase. A poignant point, you should be rewarded for it. What did you watch, Kyle? I watched a documentary the other day. I think it was on Netflix. About this guy who shot a perfect game of putt-putt. And that may sound laughable, but he did it in a competitive putt-putt environment, like on a championship level putt-putt. Someone was shooting at him at the time.

So the fact that he did professional putt-putt on a special course makes it less laughable. I think the fact that it's a documentary is that it's laughable. You said, I'm going to watch this of all people. Like, yeah, I will watch it. I liked it because he described it. How are they doing the framing for this documentary? Like, oh, perfect. Stand by the cardboard dragon.

Stand right over. Oh, excellent. That's the cover. It wasn't even that. So they didn't have the thing filmed. It was interviews, and it was like flashbacks, and they were telling the story of the day this guy shot the perfect game. And then at the end, they had this thing that comes on the screen.

It's like perfect games of bowling every year, and it's like 500 every year of bowling. And it was like perfect game of, oh, like no hitters, and it was like 26 or something ever. And it went through a bunch of stuff like that. And then it got to perfect games of putt-putt. And I think it was every year there's three, three perfect games of putt-putt a year. So it's a super crazy achievement.

It is, but at the same time, I don't think it's right. Like the number of people playing putt-putt compared to like baseball and then bowling like you know putt-putt's probably the least of those activities too perhaps so but i you know it's a hole-in-one every single shot i i just thought it was cool him talking about the pressure and talking about like you know because the crowd was watching by the end i thought it was a cool documentary i mean it's i'll check it out during anything but it was good to kill time well what's uh what's the name of the documentary? I was putting around. Putting around the world.

Yeah. It was good. I liked it. It was good. Well, thanks. I guess I'll try to find it somewhere. Yeah, well, you know. I won't let you pretend to look. So I made a documentary about the perfect game of putt-putt, but there's no footage of the game itself.

They had some really crappy cell phone footage of the last shot that totally isn't selling me do a documentary like they follow him every hole and like shot shot it in HD like when did this release 1999 this year it this year yeah all right maybe doesn't say there's some poor college kids on 1999? This year. This year? Yeah. All right. Maybe it doesn't sound like it. They were some poor college kids on their film project. Like, what are we going to do? Document around a putt-putt? Perfect game?

Good? I saw on Reddit someone described Netflix. I think it was Black People Twitter. But he described Netflix as a refrigerator full of food and nothing to eat. And it's like, oh, that's so pretty. Every time I go, right now, so we got our downstairs projector and speakers and stuff installed. And the subwoofer came yesterday. And I'm like, yes, I totally want to watch an action movie with booms.

Like, is there some movie on Netflix about naval battles or something like that that's really well done where i can fully appreciate the auto audio and visual experience october just doesn't inception that movie's old inception maybe is that on netflix yeah it's on netflix oh that'll be good maybe i don't i used to agree with that looking of netflix but there is like my cute is filled up it's just i'm not ever in the right mood to watch certain things you know i got a ton of series and stuff here that matches the fridge thing too you know it's not that there's no food in it yeah you're right you know this fridge is full and there's nothing to eat but i never but i do the same thing with movies i get via other means too like when i i'm like yeah i want to watch that and then

i get it i have to wait and to wait. I'll just start playing. I've started up Always Sunny again to play in the background while I work. I've been watching Star Trek. I started on Star Trek Enterprise. The one they made in 2004 that's really, really shitty. Scott Bakula? Yeah, Scott Bakula and Jolene

Blaylock plays the hot Vulcan chick. It was really funny to watch the transition from the show was on for four seasons and it did poorly because of bad bad writing just every episode full of plot holes that I see but I'm a trek nerd but it was funny to see the transition between season the end of season two in the beginning of season three and to see it was clearly one of those things were like alright we're going to change the formula up a little

bit and see if we can get this to move around. So, like, season two, Scott Beck is kind of a wimpy captain. He's really ineffectual. He's always trying to help people. Season three basically turns into a sociopath, literally torturing people and doing unethical shit. The Vulcan chick, Jolene Blaylock, she's really hot. She's got an amazing body, and I think she's got really sexy lips. Like, I think she's super hot, even with that dorky, like, Vulcan haircut, Jolene Blaylock, she's really hot. She's got an amazing body, and I think she's got really sexy lips.

I think she's super hot, even with that dorky Vulcan haircut or whatever. But she was just wearing this, I don't know, skin-tight leotard type thing the whole first two seasons. Season three, it's like this V-neck thing. She's got highlights. Her hair's longer. They figured out how much of her ass crack they could show and it's this much the camera will go down and show this much of her

ass crack and you can tell i guarantee that they kept trying to get more and more and more because they have the most ass crack i think i've ever seen on tv and star trek uh and i just thought that was cool and interesting just to see the change up in the show from, for me, because I'm watching on Netflix one after another, it's one episode to the next, but that was a season for them. You know, it's pretty good that I

just found on YouTube is, I sent you one the other day, is the Always Sunnies with the commentary over it. Sync that up with the episode and watch it. It's pretty entertaining. Who does the commentary? They swap it out, but the two that seem to stick around the most are Charlie and Rob McClaney,

which is Mac and Charlie, obviously. But they had Danny for the first one, which was the gang hits the road or whatever on the road trip. And the other one was the gang starts the rivalry. And they had Rob, the guy who plays Dennis, I forget his name. And it's pretty good. Yeah, I don't know what his name is.

Yeah, I'd like to check that out. I really like that show. I think it's on HBO or on my Amazon. I don't know which. I switch back and forth so much. But there was some kind of Q&A session with the whole gang and it was like an hour-long special

or something like that. I need to find that again. Do it was like an hour long special or something like that. I need to find that again. Do you need to find that? I would like to see that. I'm searching for her butt that Kyle pointed out. And while I haven't found that, there's like several scenes where she's not wearing anything in the show. Like here she is.

Is she cupping her breasts? She's naked, but from the back. So, and you see like the same amount of ass crack you described like in the standing in front of a man yes and there's a no scene I just watched okay and then there's another one where she's cupping her breasts like you said previous okay and it's just like yeah I can totally see this they needed a way to get ratings and they made that happen I wish I could show guys I'm not sure I can show it on YouTube. Yeah, it's... I like the show.

The first two seasons were such shit, but I'm actually enjoying the third season. The writing is just awful. It really is bad. Taylor, have you seen Jim Norton's new special? I have. You have? What'd you think?

So-so. It's worth watching. I didn't regret watching it, but I didn't get the... The last time I really laughed out loud and enjoyed a special was not Bill Burr's last one, but the one before. It was the same shit he does every time. Aziz Ansari's not his last special, but the one before that.

I thought his last special was pretty weak. No, I was talking about Jim Norton's i he's hilarious on opie and anthony like he's one of the most clever off-the-cuff people ever but his stand-up is like really middle of the road for me because yeah it's he just goes over the top with the dirty the i'm a pervert stuff which is fine that's his style it's just not my 100 style but he's i enjoyed time is the same this special yeah that was good anthony and stuff yeah that was funny yeah he was talking about anthony uh anthony's guns and stuff and he's like he's like he's in the hot tub he's got a handgun next to him he's like there's something i need to know like are you expecting an attack yeah that was funny i have an am i an asshole topic

yes i know the taylor likes these like it yeah sometimes topics work sometimes they won't but if you mention am i an asshole taylor is like let's do this so um let's see let me judge you all right i have this friend i Hopefully I haven't read this already. I have this friend. We started talking when I was in grade 11, and he was in grade 10. At the time, he was just an average friend, and we talked about games and music. A couple months later, we started making YouTube videos based on this character I played called Big Thirst. Now he's going to get known. I won't go into details about the character, but we made very many videos at first.

But between summer of 2014 and November 2014 but we made very many videos at first but between summer of 2014 and november 2014 we started making more videos over this time he started to turn into an asshole and we always had to do what he wanted and only play the games he wanted and he also started to ruin the character i'd come up with at the end of the videos he would also call me fat and retarded i do struggle with weight still, it's uncalled for to me because if I took a shot at him back, he'd get pissy. I hope this doesn't expect this not to be read. Around April 2015, he'd remove all the videos that we had made,

and it was over 50 videos, and they averaged over 500 views, some breaking 1,000 and more because he was scared his parents would see them. He refused to give me the videos also. He also wants to talk about the most random stupid shit like Chris Chan and 3-Pack and would get mad at me when I don't want to talk about them. Over the last four months, I've slowly started to ignore him and one of the main reasons is I don't really have the stomach to tell him that I don't want to associate with him.

Well, apparently, that's the service PKA provides. I just end up being miserable. We have had those classic friend moments where we're both dying from laughter, but something about those moments happens less and less over time. Am I the asshole? I don't even know if he's a real fucking person. What a weirdo.

So, if I were to sum this up... None of this was his life. This is all his friend, made a YouTube channel, made videos videos did certain Things and he's like the proxy of all of it. I don't He didn't say from let me from the am I the asshole no no no This is a message that somebody sent me asking if they were an asshole Oh, so so what happened was he and his friend made videos

He's proud of the view counts that between between 500 and sometimes over 1,000. His friend took down all the videos and that made him mad because he felt like he was co-author. His friend is sort of a dominating person in that he chooses the games and movies and stuff like that and doesn't let him have any input. His friend calls him fat, but it's not a two-way relationship like how guys sometimes joke with each other, call each other dirty ethnics or whatever. It's much more of a one-way. I say a thing and if you were to dirty ethnics or whatever it's uh it's much more of a one-way i say a thing and if you were to say something about me like it's not fair um so he slowly started to ignore him and sort of pull away from this friendship and uh he wonders if that makes him an asshole now this no but he's also not entitled to a lot of the things he's

complaining about too like he didn't get i didn't, too. Like, I didn't get to pick the games. I didn't get to pick the topics. Like, well, then I'll record the videos with him. Like, it's this guy making the videos. Like, I wouldn't complain if we did a video series and Woody wanted to talk about something and it's going on his channel. And I was like, hey, why don't I ever get to pick or whatever? You know, it's like, well, it's his channel. That's why.

Well, it's both their channels. I understand. It sounds like this guy's doing all the other work that the friend we don't know about it's his channel he's recording it he's uploading it he had the control to take them all down it sounds like he says it's based on a character he did so this guy might have been the star of the channel and the other guy was the worker of it i do see your point though's... yeah and he's not putting the videos up because he doesn't want his parents to see what he did. He thinks they'll not approve. Maybe it's his right to have privacy. Like you know, I made a channel, we made videos together, I uploaded them, I'm embarrassed of what I did. So maybe that guy is not an asshole

for not uploading the videos anymore. But the guy writing who doesn't want to be friends anymore and is slowly ignoring this other guy, I don't think he's an asshole too. You're allowed to fade away from friends. Yeah, I don't think he's an asshole. You just don't associate with him anymore. If you're not friends anymore, there's no reason to hang out with him. Is this a legit question?

I mean, it seems like he's venting his frustration and wants it to be validated, which is understandable if it's that aggravating. But like if he like learn to do simple editing and whatnot and just do it on your own if he's doing all that shit or if you're coming up with everything they just break off on your own the question is how do i break up with a friend i'm slowly ignoring him does that make me an asshole or do i need to say hey look you and i are not uh not compatible like we used to be i need no no don't don't have some weird is almost pandering to some extent because the way he who know you know we only get one side of the story right and the way he spun it

was this guy makes fun of me he deleted all the videos he calls me fat a retard i never get to pick the topics it paints his friend in a pretty bad light so then for him to wrap the whole thing up with my jerk for walking away thing up with, am I a jerk for walking away? No, of course you're not a jerk for walking away. What are you talking about? If this is all true, then you should just don't have some weird protracted time where you're talking and you just

slowly distance yourself. You're not dating. You just stop texting him. Stop hanging out with him. He says, hey, you want to come hang out? Say, yeah, type in nah, I'm busy. And eventually he'll stop inviting you that's what's great breaking up with friends you don't have to say anything eventually he'll catch the hint and it won't be a problem like just just i don't understand this question at all like he's unless he is feeling guilty about something that he intentionally left out of the message that he doesn't seem like an asshole and the other guy

does kind of seem like an asshole a little bit, because it's like, even if he was the one... Yeah, with the making fun of and the deleting of the videos, he could have at least given the guy, like, the, you know, copies of the videos on hard drive or something. He's in those videos. He's embarrassed by the videos. And they're his videos. Well, if they are...

Well, see, that's what's ambiguous about this note. If he's the one who put all the editing and all that shit, if he did all the work of uploading them, then yeah, it is his. He can delete them if he wants. It's his channel. His channel, his videos. The guy writing the question sounds like a 13-year-old child.

I hope you are. It's possible, so don't be too harsh. I was going to be harsher because... I just feel like it's pandering. I don't feel like this is real. Am I an asshole? Is he really contemplating this? I feel like he wanted to be heard or something

or get more reinforcement. I think maybe he is an asshole because he asked such a stupid question. Not because of any of the reasons you listed or any of that stuff or anything having to do with your relationship with your buddy you made videos with. But I think you're just an asshole for your poorly... Because even the most dumb person when it comes to social norms and behavior,

you painted this guy in such a bad light. He called me this, he called me that, he treated me this way, I don't get to pick the topics, he deleted all the videos. And then to wrap it up with, am i an asshole from walking away from such a horrible person like no like you obviously know that that's why you're doing it why would you think you're an asshole from breaking up with his friend there's something that's not being said or he just wanted to get hurt get on the the yeah

maybe this is a play but you go to that big thirsty channel maybe this is all a ruse and big thirsty has a thousand videos. I looked it up and it's not there. Good. I'm sure there's a lot of results that come up when you look up Big Thirsty. So I bet we couldn't find it if we tried. Let's find a real one with real problems. Yeah.

I want to judge someone. Hey, you search away. Find what you find. What was I going to say? I had something lined up uh oh god i don't know if this is the kind of topic that pk ace i've had an interest lately personally over this automation thing i remember i think i argued with wings a long time ago he had just seen that cpg gray video it's 15 minutes long so we can't like play it here about how automation humans need not apply is what it's called if you've never seen it it's

pretty interesting and basically he argues that this time technological advancement is different so throughout all of history you know my example was like you, you got 15 guys with spears catching fish, and then somebody invents the net, and now 14 people are out of work. No, not necessarily. Then they just go to building huts and whatever and go into the next part of society. That's like a core tenet of economics

that we learned in college, and it's always been true. But, and CPG Greg knows this. He knows that throughout human history, every time technology has displaced someone, while on the individual level, it might be bad for that person, on a society level, it's always been an improvement. Our standard of living keeps rising.

The whole global standard of living keeps rising. Anyway, his argument is this time it's different. This time, technology will replace people and like there is no next level. They're just literally 30% of the workforce. Something like that. Like transportation is the biggest sector and that's where it's gonna be. And the argument furthers into where they're gonna go. Creative jobs is an example. You go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, so I just didn't like the way you phrased it.

The driving, which is a third of apparently jobs out there, is one of the first things on the firing range to get. I'm sure I phrased that wrong. But he's like there's no place for rescue. You know, computers will do creative work. Computers will do medical work. Computers will do all kinds of other stuff. A lot of it exists now. computers will do all kinds of other stuff. A lot of it exists now. They have these robots that,

previous robots like would exist, say, on a General Motors assembly line, had a very specific job, right? Like, take this chassis, put it on a thing, attach it with eight bolts, and then slide it down. Now, robots are generalists, and they're doing much broader tasks, and you can train them to do a wide array of

things. Whereas before they were so specific, it didn't make sense. This Chinese factory in Pyongyang, I think I pronounced that right. No, fuck. I don't know where I got Pyongyang. Anyway, they replaced 90% of their humans with robots, which was interesting. It kind of means that it doesn't matter how cheap your labor is, it's still difficult to compete with robots. And they've seen a surge in production, because the robots can work better than humans can, and fewer defects. And I sit here and find myself in an advisory position, somewhat on YouTube, self-appointed, but also as a parent.

And it's like, how the fuck do you deal with the automation that's coming to this planet? I was watching a video today. So tractors, they're on farms, which is one of the many driving jobs, right? 30% of the economy. Tractors on farms, while they're gps guided they

always have humans sitting in them just monitoring all the equipment and stuff um this as far as i know was the first tractor that operated without a guy in it and uh it was a combine so he sort of the tractor would tow this big trailer not a flat one though like one that would hold grain and uh it just sort of followed him like it was supposed to do, and he would pour the grain into it. And so there it is, like one, like first job displaced. And I feel like I see evidence of this all over the place. I'm either seeing driving jobs that I know are going away

or manufacturing jobs, manufacturing, right? So Trump is running on this thing saying that he'll bring manufacturing jobs back to America. But a lot of people are like, do you believe that? It's not even a matter of bringing them back to America, like having them come from China to the U.S. The jobs are gone. They don't exist anymore. Robots are sewing your clothes.

Robots are putting your things together. If you used to build mufflers outside Detroit, now mufflers are built automatically and that job is not returning. I'm starting to buy into, I don't know if it's completely true, but this time it's different as a thing and it's like what do you tell people? Like one nice thing to do would be to make that quantum leap into ultimate wealth where it's not a problem for you. Like, that would sound fantastic. I don't know how to make that quantum leap. That's really pretty fucking impressive.

Occupational therapy, audiologists, oral surgeons, health care social workers, mental health social workers. These are the kind of things that can't be outsourced or replaced right plumbers electricians carpenters well i don't know about carpenters but yeah a lot of these jobs will always exist in human not for a long time think about that i mean like you know truck a to b program it like we already have self-driving cars that's easy but like i don't know how you do i feel like we're still like 20 years away from my carpenter robot that can like all right we're gonna rip up your floors do it all you know he's gonna track around and stuff like we're 20 25 years away from that kind of a long way away from that no that's just that's too high that's

not something that's every living room's different yeah it's it's you know i don't think you're not gonna have that kind of robot without some artificial intelligence and everybody seems to be trying to put the kibosh on that but here's the problem with those jobs it affects them on such a big scale okay so if let's say let's use 30 of the workforce is now automated well those people now have to find a job or don't have money they don't have a home or can't buy a home which then affects the jobs that are still obtainable like carpentry and these trade skills you know if people don't have homes or there's not enough demand then those you know fighting for even those jobs is even harder now you know that's where the quantum leap is like it yeah if you're the guy that

has the money suddenly you're going to be surrounded by a nation of impoverished people which there's your servant pool. It's going to be very nice for just you. The difference between like the class gap is gonna spread and you know if you're at the bottom you get smushed like a grape, if you're on top you don't, if you're in the middle good luck. I don't know where you're falling on this thing. But it seems like a major, I think, problem. You know, it changed for sure. And I saw this. Far ways off.

Go on. Is it? Well, I mean, it'll probably happen in my lifetime. But, you know, to automate every transportation job, I still think. Well, now you've set the bar too high. If in 10 years, transportation jobs start disappearing. And I think think sooner than that I think it's already starting right now right because some of those transportation jobs We all look at long-haul trucking. That's a thing but transportation jobs like factory forklift operator

Already disappearing some of that stuff is being automated there are robots that sit waist-high Moving things from one spot in a factory or one spot in a warehouse to another with, you know, you see the lines painted on the ground. Like, that's a thing that humans used to do that is now being replaced by robots. It's a transportation job, a short one, in a controlled environment,

but that's where it starts. You know, it's... But I don't think it's a problem until you've gotten through most of those jobs. Like you said, those jobs are already, for the most part, replaced. You've got your small, medium trucks like UPS, those kind of carrier services and whatnot. You've got your long-haul trucking, various other transportations of hauling and stuff like that. And you've still got small warehouses and stuff that aren't automating it,

that don't have the benefit of like amazon and a lot of these places i think when you get it when you start replacing more than it is a problem but yeah the long haul stuff seems like a like i can imagine long haul trucking being replaced like it won't happen but this year i bet we have the technology right now, especially if you remove the city part, right? If I'm bringing goods from L.A. to New York, great. Get out of the city. Get on the highway. Hook up the automated trailer. And then somebody greets it outside New York, hooks up to a man, and he takes it the last mile.

Well, yeah, we've had self-driving cars for i feel like since 2007 or 8 you know that's google's had that for a while now and those still aren't in you know there's another industry of transportation to you know taxis uber lyft those type of things that are going to get outsourced and people just maybe picking those over owning a car period like in the city in big metropolitan cities you wouldn't own a car that's going to affect car sales and stuff like that because they already take taxis. You know, how cheap is it to not have to pay an employee but rent a fucking Google taxi service now? You know, Google will undercut the taxi market and it's safer than a taxi cab driver. It's it's it's.

But I think we're still a while out there. I think it'll start to happen in my lifetime but i feel like you know when you look at how many on the road vehicles that are autonomous now to that level of unemployed people it's just not there we have self-driving cars they go 30 miles or whatever not now but i you say in your lifetime i think in my lifetime i think it'll happen while i'm still working, right? And that's not that long. Yeah. Anyway, huge changes in the economy and the world with a quantum leap in robots and computing.

And I feel like the whole world is just sort of not managing their career around this sea change well a lot can happen in 30 years too for all we know we've got a maglev train that goes throughout the entire united states and we don't even need on the road vehicles i mean who i mean so much can happen in 30 years it's hard to really guess if this is the crux of where is you and your train dreams that will never be realized those are just a vast type of shit. Yeah. And I stand by my cars will be banned in a hundred years. I won't live there to see it, but

who knows? I might. Once again, a lot can happen in 30 years. Alright, so I found a few assholes. Okay. Did you make judgment calls already? Okay, that's what I like to hear then. Alright. So would someone like to hear then. Alright. So would someone like to read it?

It's normally me as the reader. Would you like to take it away, Taylor? I can do that. Alright. We'll go to the first link. Why do you think he's illiterate? I'm just saying, a lot of pressure on the man right now. He's never done this before.

First time in the hot seat. Alright. I've never read on the show before. You've never read an Am I an Asshole before? Alright. Different skill set. Alright. Can't mix your own agenda in there.

Leading towards, oh, this guy's an asshole while you're reading it. Be unbiased. Alright. Am I the asshole because this woman's daughter pissed on her? I was at the movie theater and needed to use the restroom. I went into the family restroom since I feel more comfortable using it than the women's or men's restroom. And I was in there for five minutes tops. When I came out, there's a woman standing at the door calling me an asshole for using the family room when I don't have any kids. Apparently, her toddler daughter wasn't well potty trained and had a few minute window of time to use the toilet

and ended up peeing through her mom's shirt because I was in there. I walked off, but then after using the bathroom, she found me in the concessions line and decided to call me an ass again. I told her it was her own decision that led to this and not mine, and she told me, fuck you, and walked off.

Am I the asshole for using the family restroom? Well, I'll answer this real quick. quick yes but i too would be doing that so i'm no no um no you don't use the handicap stall ever those are for handicapped people i have my own demons i mean i mean all we all have our cross to bear I think the crux of this is that some I don't have I had bad mood sometimes and I think I just have a wide stance and I don't want anyone thinking I'm gay all right i'm not a closet okay first of all is this guy said i saw two red flags i don't know if it's a guy or a girl but he said it was five minutes tops which you wouldn't include the word tops unless you were trying to make it seem like less than it was either you went in there and you selfishly took the longest piss in history or you went in there and took a shit that you are wildly underestimating the

length of because it's 2015 and you had your phone out you stupid fuck also the family restroom isn't there for you to feel more comfortable as you take a shit you pansy you need to be pandered to at every juncture of your life you can't just go shit in the women's or men's room why did he why did he or she feel the need to go in there like it's not for you to feel to have your own little private time it's for moms and dads to not get peed on by their kids who have to go and i'm sure we're all okay yeah i'm thinking about it now when i first heard this i thought the family restroom was just a really big stall but now that i've heard it again no it's it goes there's one door yeah family it's a private bathroom yeah Yeah, I would not do that.

And that guy's an asshole. I already said that. I would say totally an asshole. The only... Nah, I would pretty much never use a family restroom. I was going to say, you don't want to use handicapped stalls. Like today, I was at Chili's. I saw the handicapped stall and I saw the smaller one.

I picked the smaller one. There was one of each. But if there's multiple handic handicap stalls and none are taken, or if it's a work environment and I feel like I know everybody who uses this bathroom, I'll use the handicap stall in that situation too. That's true. There's a few times that you can use the handicapped. Like if they're both open and they're both of comparable cleanliness, take the smaller one, just in case, because you never know. If it looks like somebody dropped Nagasaki in the small one,

then I'm not about to jump in front of this bullet for this hypothetical team member. Is that if you never know someone's going to judge you for using the handicap stall? No, you use the handicap stall when it's open. If I'm actually going to take a shit in a public restroom, there might be someone who needs it. I've never i'm actually going to take a sheet up rest for now they might be said it's who needs it

i've never i i'm gonna say this i think i don't think i've ever encountered a handicapped person in a bathroom i think you could say that i have a really thought to get up and they go yeah but there's a fine with the parking spot that's your time since then did it's just a little fine totally yeah just like the pregnant lady parking section which they don't have those here.

I've only seen those in Texas. Well, we have them here. They tend to be in grocery stores, and I think they're fabulous. I think they're great. I was on the... Harder to prove than the handicapped one, too. If you're pregnant and no one can tell yet, then I don't begrudge you being excited about your potential baby, but I think you shouldn't be using it.

But unless you're having like rough morning sickness or something, but if you're wildly, if you're very pregnant, Jackie was pretty much handicapped at that point. She couldn't tie her own shoes. She was waddling. She was like it was hard at the end of her pregnancy and those uh like premier parking is uh warranted so man

well i'm not a great person i'll tell you right now that if there wasn't a fine with the handicap parking there's just so many i would totally park there and try to get away with it. I do feel like whatever ratios the city sets or something is just off, especially when you get a big parking lot. Yeah, I feel like you could go to my local Target and host the Special Olympics there because there's just spot as far as the eye can see, and that's not necessary

hey is this coming back for anyone else i think that's the paralympics you're thinking now you want to reset the call woody yeah the paralympics wait wait yeah not the special it worked yeah you go to walmart for that oh kyle you scamp uh so uh everybody unanimously agreed that guy or girl was an asshole. I can't get over it. I don't feel comfortable in the men's or the women's room. It's like,

just go to shit. Well, that's an interesting thing. Is this person a transsexual then? That would make sense. We can't start just making assumptions. And even so, don't take the family restroom. There's no way they peed for five minutes.

They dropped a bomb in that shit. You know that place reeked. Alright, carry on. So, second one, I'll let either Kyle, Chiz, or Woody. And be careful because these are rife with errors. Oh. A little

background to start. I live in an area where it's very common to not have your dog on a leash. Especially so if said dog is well trained. My dog is not only well trained but also very old. She's 15 and moves as fast as a turtle. So naturally, I don't want nor need

to put her on a leash. Now, I was walking my old slow dog down the street when we began approaching another person with a dog not on a leash as well. This dog was a Doberman, about twice as big as my Retriever. And as we were walking, the Doberman begins barking and running at me and my dog, its owner, having no control over it. At this point, I begin getting concerned. As the dog gets closer

he does not slow and jumps on my dog my dog in response begins stumbling away down the nearest driveway obviously hurt and yet the doberman continues his assault eventually the lady who owned the doberman strolled into the scene uh as she opens her mouth i expect some sort of an apology but all she said is you you should probably get a leash for your dog, in an extremely bitchy tone. At that time, I was appalled because neither dog was on a leash, and it seemed completely her fault. So, I just kind of left without saying anything.

However, I looked back on the situation a few days later and realized if I could have been avoided if I had had my dog on a leash. Only the lady did have a leash with her, and my dog did bark at the other dog when he began barking at her. I really don't know who's to blame. You're both assholes. You put a leash on your dog for reasons like this. What are you doing? You're an asshole.

And this person's also a liar. this is what are you doing yeah you're an asshole and this person's also a liar he said that his dog is 15 and half the size of a young doberman and he is he phrases it was like the doberman jumped on it and then it dragged it away and the assault continued where it's like no if that doberman was assaulting mauling your dog and it's 15 it's dead in 15 seconds like it's dobermans they're vicious dogs it's they're animals at the end of the day like it would beat the shit kill that dog quick like and i refuse to believe that this other lady walked up and just nonchalantly said you should put a leash on your dog if there was doggy blood all over the goddamn place. And her dog just like with a you know, blood beard around it. But yeah, they're both

wrong. 100%. Dogs on leashes. Is Chiz even in here anymore? What are you talking about? Oh, sorry. All the video went down for me. I don't have any of your videos. I don't either. Can you call back? We'll restart it super quick.

It is just you pick anyway all right chiz is here there's kyle waiting on taylor did you not click video i'm here you didn't click no it's on uh it's behaving as if you didn't click video it's behaving i'll click it off and on again that worked you need to do the same woody i can't see you woody actually i think it was my fault all along i think i did an audio call and we're back all right yep so both of them are assholes let's go to the third one yeah oh i would have preferred someone i could judge better uh who's reading there's both chiz and i available i'll do it either one whoever doesn't read should go find their own that's good we can write i'll read my

friend let's call him jack i know a lot of jacks wanted me to help make a sketch video i was up for this until he told me the sketch i hated the sketch i thought it was unfunny and just plain awful so i told him no i'm not being part of this then we got into an argument and i left am i the asshole this was one of your picks taylor i i went for one that didn't have sex involved in it because it's damn near impossible this is two days old with two upvotes on it yeah i know i'm not as versed in the reddit sphere as you i just clicked it and it wasn't about sex so i picked it you pick a better one find one that's not about like uh so i was with my uh best friend's ex-girlfriend and we fucked but we were both drunk am i an asshole

like every one of them is that and every one of them is that. And every one of them is an asshole. It's hard to find a legit one where it's like, well, where's the needle? You just want more reinforcement. I like the title of this one. I'm just going to go in without knowing. So last night, I'm going through a drive-thru for Cookout, which is an amazing restaurant,

at like 2 in the morning, and this guy walks up and asks if I can help jump his car. It's just down the road where his wife is waiting. Sure, if you've got jumper cables, I say. He does and I let him hop in the passenger seat while I finish going through the drive through. This sounds very dangerous. I ask if he smokes and I hand him a cigarette when he says he does.

He has told me his car is right down the road, but as soon as we get down the said road, he tells me to turn down a different one. He then asks if I have a gas can. No. Why do we need a gas can? I thought you needed a jump. He then proceeds to tell me that the tow truck around the corner has a gas can, and that's what he really needs because he ran out of gas. At this point, I am thinking, what the fuck, man? Why would you lie about this shit? We are going a different direction for a different thing you claim to need. So I very nonchalantly said, if you screw me over, I'll kill you. Because fuck it, man. People have died or been robbed doing nice things

for other people before and this is not going smoothly like it ought to for some background I have a giant ass beard and I don't appear super nice in the first place though I am a nice guy in there somewhere needless to say

he just says this is good got out of my truck and walked the opposite way he said he needed to go. Let's see. So either I saved my life or I'm an incredible asshole. I have no regrets, but judge me anyway. Now, I feel like this is an easy call again, but I love the story. Can you tell, how did he spot that this was going wrong? Okay, so he picks the guy up at the story. Can you tell, how did he spot that this was going wrong? Okay, so he picks the guy up

at the restaurant. The guy says that his wife is at his car. They need a jump start. It's just down the road. So they head down the road that the car is supposed to be on, and he tells him to turn down an additional road. And then he says, hey, that gas can over, that's what I really need. I need some gas. And so he's like, well, wait wait a minute. You said you know jumpstart now. You need gas This doesn't make any sense and and so then he just kind of calls the guy out on the the weird I'm an old to made him He was like look if you screw me over I'm gonna kill you like people have died helping people like I'm helping you right now, and this isn't going very smoothly

And then he got out and then walked the opposite way of where they were going I like this guy a lot by the way this guy, I like this guy I think that's cool but super fucking weird that he picked this dude up before and then went through the drive-thru with him gave him a- this guy is really nice I guess it makes sense, I could see myself doing something like that I think I could see myself doing that

I could absolutely not no I would just have to fuck off I sometimes think, I like, this guy is you know who i think i am anyway maybe not big and scary but like i do nice things for people on the other hand like like i was doing my day in the life you know i editing it today and i'm like someone could come rob me but the truth of the matter is if someone went to that stable and tried to take something they could die like no fucking joke that they'll probably kill them well what if they had a gun on you they would need it well that's what i'm saying yeah the stable you're not near they would need it yeah that's that that's how it would go down.

If it was anything less than that, I agree with you 100%. But if a gun was pulled on you and you weren't near your carry, then... Oh, no. We heard voices one time. Well, I understand cheers, though. And I'm out there with the shotgun. Deadliest thing I got. Let's go.

Yeah, there's no way I would pick up someone like that. Take them through the drive-thru with me. No. What the fuck? No. And then... Well, I'm not picking up anyone, period. Well, I mean, in the Democratic People's Republic of California, you'd have no line

of defense. You'd have to read them your rights. He's just foolish. He's not an asshole. He's a hero. He's actually pretty cool. Can I tell a quick thing? Because this sounded eerily like a story my dad told me from uh from his youth so basically he was driving uh from town

toward his house after a day of work and he stops and picks this guy up who uh who says he wants a ride home and it's along the way and dad says okay i'll i'll drop you off that's on my way and uh and so they're driving down the road let me go in for a while this guy's wasted in the passenger seat and then he changes his mind he says no no i want to go back to town and my dad's like no i don't have gasoline for that i can't go back to town and you said we're going this way we're going this way he's like no you turn this fucking car around take me back to town and so dad dad was going pretty slow they just had pulled out of a stop sign so he reaches over and fish hooks him and like pulls him over and punches him daises him good enough that he can then open

the door and just kick him out the side of the car while it's rolling along like five miles an hour and just left him there on the side of the road. Go dead. Not an asshole. Not an asshole. Not an asshole. Fish hook. Very risky maneuver. Yeah, with a drunk person. Yeah.

I don't know. No, why not lead with the punch if he's drunk? Yeah, why not lead with the punch instead of the hepatitis claw? Well, I think he's driving the car and he needed to get him over here so he could start working on him. Chael Sonnen talks about this. Elbow. He's like, when you look at any fighting style, find the stuff that's illegal, and that's the good shit.

Right? So in the UFC, fishhooks are illegal. It's too easy to control your opponent's head. It's too easy to injure the guy. It's too easy to make what you want to happen with that fishhook. It's too effective. So they banned it. So he's a wrestler.

And he's like, so when I went from wrestling to MMA, I went straight to all the stuff you can't do in wrestling. Like all the moves that are illegal and not good, that's the shit that I went to perfect on so that he could be successful in his MMA career. Fish hooking is illegal in the UFC. So, I mean, I'm not an expert on fish hooking or anything, but my first thought is hmm, that's good.

Fish hooking, punches to the balls, eye gouges. These are the go-to. No one's possibly biting someone, their opponent's fingers off in the UFC. This is a stranger in his car and this guy just fish hooked him. His fingers really are big. His are twice as big as mine.

I swear. This is some dirty drunk guy. They're fingers. There was a 48-inch fan blade that hit his finger one time full speed, and it just cut the skin off. It stopped at the bone. I swear to God it would have cut my finger off.

It would have just lopped it off. I've thrown chickens into those fans and it just chops them the fuck up. And it's just like, how did he make it out of there? But in any case, I'll ask him tomorrow when I see him. Throw chickens into those fans? You're just going to glaze up that one and a tally in the asshole column. Actually, I blew up a chicken

once and we totally didn't talk about that at all. Apparently chickens, you can do whatever the fuck you want to them. They're delicious. If Colonel Sanders is at the pearly gates, he's going to be like, Kyle, you come here with me. Style point, my friend. Yeah.

What you did with that rotating exhaust fan. Oh, beautiful. Massacre. All right. I have one. It's only a title, so pay close attention. Am I the asshole for meeting a few friends at a bagel shop to find out that they were a couple people ahead of me in line

and moving up to join them? Yes. No. Yes, the proper way to do that, here's the right way to do that. You text or you tell the person somehow so that the rest of the line doesn't know, hey, could you get me, like, a blueberry scone

and a venti latte with soy? Like, just give them your order, let them get it for you, but you can't physically walk up there. That's the way to do that. So, yeah, you're an asshole. You can't cut line. I don't like people cutting line. I get really infuriated with line cutters.

It seems like such a disrespectful thing to do to somebody. It's saying, like, not only do I have... Exactly. I would never do it. Not only am I going to disregard, like, common courtesy and, like, the way shit works. Like, we've all been standing in line since the time we were, like, infants. Like, from the beginning of time...

From childhood, we've been in lines. And everybody knows you don't cut in lines. So when someone cuts in line and I'm an adult, I don't take that well at all. I'm excited that there's disagreement here because this is the first time ever, I think, there hasn't been a clear-cut case. And my answer is gray.

Like, with him, I think he might be an asshole because he's joining his friends. But if it's a family reuniting, like, maybe I'm there with Colin and Jackie comes to join us. he might be an because he's joining his friends but if it's a family reuniting like maybe like i'm there with colin and jackie comes to join us i i got i'm okay that's okay oh that's fine yeah right if you're in a group together and like one member just wasn't present that's different he says meeting a few friends friends is different than a nuclear he met them and they were in a good and they they had been standing in a line when he got there.

Meeting a few friends at a bagel shop. In my opinion, they had coordinated. Hey, let's meet at the bagel shop. Yeah, but let me ask you this one. I'll ask this hypothetical. This is a different one then. Say, so GameStop, I would wait in line for midnight releases

for certain games. Say it's me and a friend or whatever. We get there, we get our places and the other friend wants to fuck off or whatever for the entire duration and I wait and hold our places in line and then the doors open he comes back in the spot that i've been there holding the whole time is he an asshole that's a third scenario that's a third scenario that's different than this i i think what you got to focus on here is that so how do you differentiate the two how do you know that

you know he could say i'm saving this you know that, you know, he could say, I'm saving this. You know, my friend's been here. He'll be here any minute now as they're in life. You can't do that. You can't do that. So Woody described a scenario where he's there with his family. They're a pod. They're a group. They're a family.

The reason that they were separated is because half of them went to one bathroom, half of them went to the other, and some of them came out at a different time. That's why when they're in like two cars, you know, separation happened. Well, if they came in two cars, that's the same thing as the friends thing. You're meeting at a central location. If you arrive at different times and one person has been waiting in line previous to the other person even arriving at the location, there's no way you can cut in front. There's no way. You can't be like, hey, sorry I'm five minutes late.

I'm just going to cut in front of these six people. These six people weren't five minutes late. And you're not part of his group and he's not part of your group. You're just friends. So if you're with your date, of course your date can join you in the line. If you're with your wife and kids, any of them can join you in the line. But if I'm

at the mall in line for the movies and Woody's meeting me there but Woody's ten minutes late, then I'm just going to buy Woody's ticket when I get up there because it's not going to work for Woody to cut in line in front of all these people

and hop up there with me. Yeah, I'm with you. It's just not an egg at Starbucks because that's a whole thing. At a Starbucks or a bagel shop, I can't... Maybe I'm a softie, but in me,

I can't think of a situation where I would keep a family apart where I'd be like, I'm sorry, Mom. You're going to have to get to the back of the line. You can't be with husband and child. Off some cash to give to the kids who are behind her in line so they could pay for it. Yeah, right.

Like I do that. I can't think of a situation in which I'd keep a family apart, whether it be a bagel shop line or roller coaster or whatever. I'd let them join up friends. Like you said, I'm lined up with you there because uh you know like did you just keep separate meat after you could you could share a table obviously but you can't button line for that yeah line cutters i think after hashing through that we're all on the same page yeah look at that i don't i don't know i don't know that kyle was as pro family as me i. I'm 100%...

He totally said if they come in separate cars and then join up that they'd keep the family apart. He said that. He was talking about friends in that circumstance. My mindset is also stuck on long events, too. If you and Colin show up to the movies, you're in line at the concessions, right? You're getting some popcorn.

And let's say there's five people behind you. I don't think Jackie should be able to join up with you if she's going to be ordering separate things on separate tickets. That's another thing. If the tickets aren't combined, that's a thing. If it's separate orders, you definitely can't pass ever under any scenario. I let the families unite in almost every scenario. Make it a roller coaster.

Let's say I'm 30 minutes in line, right? It's a whopper the white families. I will let Sorry cheese well they've only got one or two kids right they don't have exactly that's Latino family comes in there. No no no you all back up everybody no no no Soccer team cheese has six children children already he doesn't know where they are who you know who cares well then that means they won't be in line with them it's fine yeah i'm stuck on the big lines though that's from my i don't think you should cut in small shit because the fucking process is so quick does it really matter if i don't think you should be

upset or give a shit either way the line is gonna be quick. No, fuck that. I'm thinking of like waiting for a concert or stuff. You cut in line at the gas station, I'll make a scene. I'll say, excuse me, and I'll say it loud enough so that everybody hears it so that everybody then looks at you. Like I'll make a fucking scene you cut in line. I don't like that. But if they're on the same ticket, what's it matter? Going back to your statement earlier about the two separate tickets.

Two separate tickets means, you know, they gotta run. Right, I get that. But if they're on the same ticket, what's it matter going back to your statement earlier about the two separate tickets uh two separate tickets means you know they got a right i get that but if they're on the same ticket what's it matter if they cut in line the process is the same way i'm not gonna go through because then so yeah so and so comes up initial guys like i'll have a black coffee and a bagel next person scoots in and they're like oh i'm gonna have that frappe cappuccino and i'm gonna have the barbecue flatbread pizza. And then suddenly there's two employees doing things that wouldn't otherwise be doing them and able to get your stuff to you faster. Unless it's like a family. But imagine a group of 17-year-olds.

And another 17-year-old walks up and joins in. That's shitty. But if it's like a little kid walking up or a wife to a husband and a family, that's like, how can you not see the difference? If you want to be in line with your family and friends, then just get there on fucking time. And hey, here's an idea. Maybe the person who's ahead in line just steps their ass back

there. That's a thing that I've done before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We want to reunite. Just let the three people in front of you and go with your friend or something like that. If that works. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I don't care. Well, tomorrow I'm going back out into the wilderness looking for our survival trip spot. Nice. I'm going to... I don't remember when that is, right? I don't even know when it is. Well, you're saying

we're gonna do it the first of next month, right? Not literally the first or whatever, but actually, yeah, literally the first, right? No, it's the 31st. Oh, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I know when it is. But, I mean, it's not gonna happen at all unless I find us a spot to go.

So I gotta get on that. I'm gonna figure out exactly where we're gonna put the thing. I got to get on that. I'm going to figure out exactly where we're going to put the thing. I'm looking forward to that. I don't think we're going to be able to get Joe to come with us, but I feel like we should get a fourth somehow. I don't know who it would be. So, no. So, we didn't say that out loud.

Nothing is holding up this trip. It is the three of us, unless a suitable candidate is suggested. Oh it is the three of us unless a suitable candidate it suggests oh and but yeah i don't want any help picking the fourth just so all right you said that well that wasn't stated very clearly when you said yeah yeah let me just guarantee this like you don't have any ideas that i haven't thought of i promise you mass public who's like oh pick this guy pick that guy like if i'm not picking somebody I don't fucking like them. So just deal with it. Yeah, yeah. I just don't like a lot of people. Just blame it on that. How about that?

And it's because they're assholes, not me. I don't know if that part's part of it. Let's play Am I the Asshole? It's them. It's them. All of them. So yeah, whatever. I think it'd be cool to have a fourth. I'll work on getting, like, I don't know, Jeremy or something like that.

We'll get Jeremy and we'll make him pretend like he's... We'll call him Taylor the whole time. We'll get Jeremy and we'll call him Taylor the whole fucking time. That's what we'll do. I'll even make him part his hair. That'd be great. Do the Superman cosplay thing. Dude, I bought reading glasses. What glasses?

Reading glasses. Here's the deal. I'll just show you these in a second here. When I wasn't looking, it turns out I aged, right? The fuck happened. And I just go along living my life every day, whatever, whatever. My phone, I read on it all the time. And my son has glasses, but they're not for bad vision.

They're for like he had double vision or something. It helps him align and track things a little better. They're like a prism as opposed to like a correction. Anyway, my daughter puts these things on and she finds that the slight magnification they have is awesome so fast forward we go to the bookstore we're trying these things and i'm like reading on my phone and oh my god suddenly i have like supervision everything is great it turns out i really benefit from reading glasses they There's just... Asterisk here for everyone listening. Normal vision. No superhero or anything. Just he sees what the rest of you are seeing right now.

I don't know, actually, because I've only ever been me, to my knowledge. But I wonder if everyone tried these magnifying glasses at, like, a bookstore or something, if they'd be like, wow wow this truly is a far better experience because i'm reading on my phone and my wife picks these glasses because in her mind and she's biased it's practically superman cosplay so these are my reading glasses well i don't know you might have been superman as far as you know, you've only been you. That's true. Holy fuck. I'm looking at my phone and, like, every pixel is legible.

Like, there's no struggle in here. It's, like, oh, my God. God, this is, like, the oldest you've ever seen. Right? There's no struggle when I leave. I want to like bring these to the survival trip or something and see if other people have the same experience. We have access to reading glasses.

That's what I'll do. It'll blur our fucking vision. Have you guys ever heard of reading glasses? It won't. So they're not like... It's not like it's trying on a stranger's glasses. They're just like little magnifying glasses. And good vision or bad, everyone benefits like from in the same way.

And go on. It's just, I've worn reading glasses before just to see what it was like. And it's just annoying. It makes everything seem kind of convex. Like it's a little more magnetized in the beginning rounded edges it's it's made for the elderly that's why they're like there's a reason that you don't see people going around like oh my god i can see fucking everything it's all old ladies who's just like oh i haven't seen like this since hoover was in office my daughter's 16 and

she has the same experience and and like me she doesn't i mean like on the eye tests and such i do well i don't get 2020 like 2025 or something like like one step below 2020 maybe even 2030 i forget but uh so we get you the chain for the survival trip every time i i go to the eye doctor i that i leave with them saying like no you don't need glasses like i just did the eye doctor, I leave with them saying, like, no, you don't need glasses. Like, I just did the eye chart better than people who need glasses do. Which is why I say, like, oh, you know, I wonder. I swear to God I want to bring them. Like, maybe I'm crazy.

I don't know. And what's terrible is as I'm telling this story i remember when i was like 20 or 19 or something working at my father's office and him doing this it's totally like and here you children are listening to me that i must be about my dad's age when he did this hey tell me how cool smartphones are now smartphones are amazing like even buttons. When my dad figured out that he had the power of Google on his smartphone, he was just like, it does everything. You ask it

a question and it knows no matter what. It's all here. I was just like, yeah, you got the power of all the information that humankind has ever compiled right here now. Wireless remotes, microwaves, these are all really amazing things that we have nowadays.

It has alarms so I don't miss my stories. Like that. That was good. That's bad. Yeah, bring your glasses. Those are cool. You're so funny. We'll all have a laugh.

We'll all put them on. I'm a superhero now. I agree. I wonder, though. I swear to God, I'm in my head wondering, are you too invested in this making fun of me thing to, like, if you do

feel the same thing, if you do say, like, wow, me thing to, like, if you do feel the same thing, if you do say, like, wow, this is really, like, I expected it to be lame, if you can say that. My father has reading glasses and I've often put them on just to check to see if you're seen.

I mean, you gotta, like, try them with the phone or something, right? If you look across the room, then it's like all, it's like looking for a magnifying glass. Everything's blurry and fucked up. There's a very specific range at which they're good. It's nice having the magnification. You see jewelers with like extra magnification and stuff like that. And then, yeah, that's cool.

I bet if you were doing like some really fine work, some like gunsmithing or something, it'd be nice to have some. Sure. And what do you get to text messages? You're reading your phone with them. You'll see him open his desk drawer, flip them open. My phone, you press up on the volume. Gunsmithing or something be nice to have some sure what he gets a text message. You're reading your phone My phone you press up on the volume when you have a digital message today Right now I might be old, but I'm every bit as immature as I ever was. That's good. And Superman glasses.

They do look good, though. Thick frames like those. Yeah. And those shitty ones. They'll break when you go off adventuring into the forest with them. But reading glasses have never gone before. Watch Linda making a fire with them,

using them as a magnifying glass. Ah. Ooh, how clever. That would be cool. We'll do that for 10 minutes and say, fuck this. This is never going to happen. In the woods, under the leaves. I think I'm going to go out there tomorrow and find a park ranger

and ask him where a good spot would be to go where we're going to be nice and away from any trails or bullshit camping or hunting spots because, well, you know, obvious reasons. So I'll talk to him and he'll know the best place to go. Because I've wandered back there twice now and there's about 35, 45 miles of road that

just kind of crisscross and zigzag around in there and it's all gravel and it's kept okay. I feel like you need a truck back there though I did see a couple of sedans. Were you in the truck? Yeah. Go downhill, look for water and see if there's a good spot. I've seen lots of water. I've seen water.

And, I mean, the water's mapped out to, like... I remember now. I shouldn't have said that. Squirrels. Yeah. Yeah, there's water, but it's not like... There's enough water to drink, and there's enough water to, like, bathe and do anything else you'd want,

but there's not enough water to fish. If I learned anything from Jurassic Park 3 it's that the large animals stay near the water it's true that's true yeah makes sense the only thing you could possibly take away from Jurassic Park 3 it's pretty fucking awful it's a non-stop adventure ride it's a goddamn catastrophe on film I liked it more than you although I won't say it's a goddamn catastrophe on film. I liked it more than you. Although I won't say it's a great film or anything. Just another series that died.

It's like Terminator. But it's a rat's world. It made so much goddamn money. It passed the Avengers. For like, I don't know, it's top four, I think. All time. It's crazy. Chris Pratt is the man. I feel like he's the current will smith

oh did you see the trailer for um uh the hateful eight cow yeah but i watched with very low volume at uh when i was getting my hair about to get my haircut i haven't seen it uh did you say you don't want to watch it taylor i i don't it doesn't give away anything oh no i think it's too long to watch it's pretty long but uh yeah it doesn't give away much it uh but it gives you an idea of what the characters like but it didn't get me excited either and i was hoping i'd like it more than i did but we'll see i agree with that assessment yeah yeah but it's quitting tarantino I still have faith you guys

want to call it a show I think so I have been up since 9 a.m. or a.m. 9 a.m. all right I don't know how you did it you guys you woke up when people start their work nice and five shift all right Wow nine is the Sun up at 9? Yeah, unfortunately. I don't get up at 9.

I like to sleep until at least... No, you don't even get up in the AM time zone. Oftentimes, no. Nights are long. Okay. Alright, well that was PKA episode 243. Be sure to check out next issue and authors on acid. Links in the description.

Annotations on the side. Yeah. Patreons are sexy. Check that out, too. See you later.