Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #246

Episode Date: September 17, 2015

This week on PKA, the show, for the first time ever, is recorded in person, all in one central setting, with the exception of Taylor and Chiz stepping in, for the Survival Trip, chicken killing podcast! Where friends are killed & eaten, games are discussed as well as what to do for the next trip.

We are live. Oh. Welcome to Painkiller Already, episode... 440... 327? Wow, 400, huh? I feel like we've been out here for at least two years. Motherfucker, this sucks.

But before this sucks, this episode of PKA is brought to you by Squarespace.com. Start building your website today at Squarespace.com. Enter offer code PKA at checkout to get 10% off. Squarespace, build it beautiful. Just like we've built this land very beautifully. We cleared this out. This was wilderness. You couldn't even crawl through this shit when we got here.

We used our machine guns like that scene from Predator. And then we had this. It was beautiful. And it's still a shithole. Scale of 1 to 10. Uncomfortability level. Let's gauge that. On a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being, eh, it's not that bad at all.

10 being, I want to die. 10. You're at a 10. You want to die. I want to shower and eat. I want to hear you. I think I'm legitimately at like a six or seven. You're that unhappy?

Yeah, yeah. I really am unhappy. It's quite awful. It's the bathing in the creek thing because, like, I mean, I use soap, but the water you're rinsing with is like gross water, so you can smell it. It smells a little bit like sewage, if I'm being honest. It's kind of got like a sulfur smell. Yep, yep.

And then like it's so humid. Like it's supposed to be 90 degrees Fahrenheit today plus like 90% humidity. So when I get back here after a bath in the creek, I'm just sweaty again. It's awful. I'm fine, really. I fucking love the tents. I love all the shit battle box gave us uh i'm not eating much that old man with the muffins you mean the hammocks you said tents oh i meant hammocks yeah um uh i'm not eating i had some muffins and i think

there's a big difference between a couple muffins and no food at all. We should explain the muffins because the PKA audience won't understand. Carry on. All right. So I've been trying to hunt squirrel. I actually ran into a game warden, and he claims that they had some sort of parasite that killed a lot of squirrels around here a few years ago, and they're making a comeback. So we haven't seen a fucking squirrel anywhere. I saw one.

You did? Yeah. Well, I saw one. I told you about it. I was fishing. I saw one. You did? Yeah.

Well, I told you about it. I was fishing. And if you look through a lot of trees, there'll be a little gap where you see blue sky. And I saw a squirrel there. But I couldn't, like I lost him immediately. And I had my shotgun with me and I was kind of just looking, hoping he would emerge again. But I just, it wasn't meant to be. Well, I haven't seen any squirrels so what I was doing was I walked back out of here and this this place is 17,500 acres if you're curious it's a Lake

Russell WMA wildlife management area and I walked out of here got in my truck and drove to the other end of this place because I just wasn't seeing any squirrels here and I hunted up all over this place just got out and walked for probably four hours combined over the last couple days. And one day I was driving and I ran into this guy in a red truck. He was a really old guy. He was a Vietnam vet. And he kind of, he goes, hey! And we roll our windows down, park next to each other. And he extends to me a box of cookies. Now keep in mind I haven't eaten very much in a long time at this point. A long time for me anyway.

So he offers me the cookies and I'm just like, are you selling those or what? He's like, no, no, they're free. I like to ride around and give them to all the boys at the campsite. So I took the cookies and then he gave me more cookies and then he gave me a big tin of muffins. So I foraged for them. Completely legit. That guy was indigenous to the area. It's no different than killing a deer

absolutely mountain man so that's that's most of the nutrition that we've had woody caught a few crawfish i did and i cooked them up and ate them they're in one of the other videos be sure to check it out yeah but um kept him going for a whole 10 minutes i think there's more meat in my pinky than i got from from those two crawfish. Maybe a tie. It was cool catching them, cooking them and eating them though. Or at least watching you do all those things. Yes, so I caught a crawfish and I was going to split it three ways. And Kyle was like, nope, I don't want any part of it. Then I caught a second crawfish and Chiz and I were going to eat it. And then once chiz saw the crawfish kind of up close it was the poop in it that turned him off me too and uh then kyle saw the poop or it went down

something like that ended up i ate both the crawfish no one else wanted them it was a little bit like you know you crack a crab leg open and the meat's in there and then the exoskeleton or whatever but then like in the center was just lots of poop there was just lots of poop inside that thing and like i never gave my number though i'm gonna say i'm like a three like i'm actually But then in the center was just lots of poop. There was just lots of poop inside that thing. I never gave my number, though. I'm going to say I'm like a three. I'm actually pretty happy. I woke up this morning happy to be camping.

I was enjoying myself. But then when I got out of the tent, I was a little dizzy because I'm low on food. Keep saying tent. They're going to think we're in tent. Oh, shit. It's this. This is what I'm talking about. It's a hammock. I didn't even know all the shit we had because they were in these battle boxes and she wouldn't let us open and all that.

Anyway, I got out of my hammock and I was happy, but I get dizzy when I stand up too quickly. When I blow on the fire, I get dizzy. I probably lost about seven pounds in four days. I'm just guessing that. Yeah, we're gonna weigh everybody up when we get out of here and see what the weight loss was like. I weighed 183 pounds when I went in. I feel like I'm down five pounds. Like, I don't know, these pants used to fit and they just really don't anymore. I feel like I've lost at least five or six pounds. We'll see what it comes out to tomorrow. It's not been fun for me. I think survival trips are more fun to talk about and theorize about than they actually do. I enjoyed my time with these

idiots. I really do. I like being in the woods. I like being unable to work. Like that's kind of fun. You pull me away from that and it's a change of pace. I think I'm just, i think i'm the only guy here that likes camping that's true that's definitely i really do not i just don't care for camping i really don't like i like having my hot shower i like you know i like watching tv and stuff that's what i like movies and tv those are kind of should i kill the bird maybe people do people know what the plan is with the bird on this all right so for those of you out there um we brought a chicken with us we talked about that on the last show i think and uh and so i went and got us a chicken her name's henrietta i think

and yeah she's been kind of hanging out with us for a couple days and i gotta say like best damn chicken ever it's my spirit animal don't throw it into the fire oh okay yeah go for it fan the fire. I just wanted to spray it a little bit. Oh, okay. Yeah, go for it. Yeah, fan the fire. I feel like it's going to shatter on you. Dang. So this is Henrietta.

But she's like a pet. She hangs right with us. She'll let you pet her. She escaped from the box the first night and we put her back in. The second night she escaped and the box the first night and we put her back in the second night she escaped and we just let her run around she's been eating all the insects around camp which is pleasant she faints the fire occasionally she's real nice yeah she'll go up to the fire and flap her wings and uh the fire the fire will like kick up and stuff yeah um she's a real member of the

team and and she's gonna take one for the team in a couple of minutes. You were starting to explain that? Yeah, I kind of do feel bad about it now because it is kind of like a pet chicken at this point but we're gonna kill the chicken, butcher it, and we're gonna fry it up because boiling was gonna take incredibly long and I don't think it's a good idea to roast over like the wet rotten wood that we have to work with. It rained about a day before we came in here. And this is an area it looks like that they kind of cut over.

They went in and cut a lot of the stuff out of. And a lot of it looks scorched anyway. So there's just lots of rotten stuff that you could like grab a log that's this big around and just rip it apart in your bare hands. It's just barely holding together. I found a log this big and you guys saw it. I broke it with one hand. Yeah. Lots of rotten stuff. So yeah, we're gonna cook that chicken on the show, I guess? Like now?

Yeah, that's kind of the thing. I'm thinking right now I'll grab the chicken, go off camera, kill it, but I'll still be mic'd up. Yeah, Woody's never killed anything. Yeah, we'll be reactioning, or I will reaction to him killing the chicken. I think I'm gonna do it right there on the pile of wood. What do you think? Yeah, that'll work. This is the biggest thing Woody's ever killed. He wanted to be the one to swing the blow.

Figure out where you're going to walk with it because you've got to get all the way over there with him. Yeah, you guys can't see it, but over there, there's a block of, you know, a make-do chopping block. And over there, there's a thing. We're going to hang her by her feet, and then her heart pumps,

and the blood drains out in a couple of minutes. Yeah, we're going to cut the head off first, so she's insta-dead. Yes, yeah, yeah. We have a one-bar connection. It kind of comes and goes. It's like a zero-slash-one bar. It's really hard to use the Internet.

But I managed to find... Kyle and I found the same webpage, actually, on how to butcher a chicken. And we're trying to follow accepted kind practices and such. So, if you're with PETA, I'm sure you still won't like it. But if you're a regular person who understands that meat comes from

animals, then we're doing our best to kill it as nicely as can be. Also, I got this chicken from one of those factory farms you always hear about where she was going to die anyway. So if anything else, we gave her a reprieve, gave her a nice week in the wilderness. Got to be a free-range clucker for a little while. This is the best week of her life, I think. It definitely was.

I guarantee it. I still feel bad, but the thing is, what am I going to do? Carry her out of here and make her my pet? They're so bad at surviving that it couldn't even live outside like i'd have to make this a indoors chicken and i'm just not altering my life for this chicken even though it has made it's gonna alter its life for me it's uh like i've never seen a chicken that's this social and i it's not all chickens like i feel like this is a special chicken. I really do. She came over there and drank out of my little water thing

and lets me pet her. I don't know. Cool chicken. She'll stand on Chiz's feet and he'll lift her up in the air and pet her and stuff. Yeah, chicken's badass. It's a shame she has to go, but there's really no other option.

Where's the machete? Right in the tree. Oh, here we go. Machete. I'm going to wrap your... Don't lose a finger. That's what's most important. I mean, if you do, we get to leave. Oh, you sound concerned.

Why is that? I know what the knife is. Oh, don't cut your own head off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, once you kill her, she's gonna flop around a lot, and you're gonna see that on camera, but keep in mind she's dead. If you've ever heard the old saying, flopping around like a chicken with its head cut off,

it's just, it's, she's dead. But she's gonna be flopping a lot. And you're gonna wanna carry her by her feet once she's dead. Mmm. Alright, you're making me feel bad. Don't panic. Would you like an assist? So I'll watch as this happens because this looks like it's going to be awful.

Chase, you're the only one on camera right now. Yeah. You need to do a lefty kind of reaction. So the head is over the block like an executioner. Woody is the executioner. Kyle is holding the chicken's body and the head down over the block like an executioner. Woody is the executioner. Kyle is holding the chickens body and the head down so that it doesn't move. Are you ready? Woody is about. He's got the knife next to its neck. He's getting ready to raise it and kill it. Here we go. Oh he is hacking away at the chicken's neck. I got it.

You remember in Game of Thrones? The head is off. Holy shit. I'm covered with... There's a camera. And Woody's got chicken blood on him. There's the body flipping and flopping around all over. The body is cutting around. Oh, yeah, yeah.

We should start hanging it soon. So, you remember in Game of Thrones when Theon grayjoy was gonna kill that guy and it didn't go so well so here's the thing i read on the internet like oh they were gonna cut its neck instead of oh i'm sorry i'll just go all the way back i read on the internet is your mic on yeah should be on yet that um when you slice its neck they like, slice it harder than you think you have to because it's in no one's best interest to do it to take two tries or something. I was swinging that machete harder than I expected.

I think it was just not the perfect tool. I worked hard at killing that thing in as few bows as possible. It sounded like it took four, but by the second one, there was just like feathers holding it together. It took two. What'd you throw the head at?

I didn't want to bring the head back on camera. It's over there. Oh, do you want, I can get you the head. No, I don't want the head. No, no, it's cool, I don't mind, I don't mind. Well, it's all dead and... The chicken's still moving as well. Yeah, I know, want the head. No, no, it's cool. I don't mind. I don't mind. Well, it's all dead and... The chicken's still moving as well. That is definitely a...

Yeah, I know. It keeps flapping. You know, the body is. I lost the head. I tossed it. He threw it in the woods somewhere. Oh, you threw it in the woods. I really was going to get you the head.

I would have thrown fire at you. Yes, I'm covered with chicken, but... What's the next step for the chicken? Well, I'm going to wait until he stops flopping around next step for the chicken? Well, I'm gonna wait till he stops flopping around and doing anything like that. Well, that's sad. Oh, he's pretty much there. All right, it's pot time.

But wait, I think we wanna give it a couple minutes for blood to drain out. Do you think that process is done? Doesn't seem to be happening. Yeah. I hear you, I don't know why. Cause it's hard not eating. Let's give it a minute.

That's true, right? Oh, right, because they just cut them they cut the neck with those animals that we were talking about earlier the ice truck killer so what what they did on the internet other than chop its head off cut the jugular they had a tool that they put the chicken in and it's it was like a picture like a bucket with a hole in the bottom but like a cone a cone we'll say that and its head came out the bottom and uh they just cut its neck and the heart would pump the blood out of it and uh do you want the machete to take the feet off i'm gonna scald it yeah pour toss them in there so for the

for the for you guys the camera can see the top of the pot. Okay. So we get a good view of most of the everything. So what we've done is we've put the... Oh, that was dumb of me. I think he just scalded it pretty quickly. Kyle put some of the fire out. When he put the chicken in, the water came out of the side of the pot. So we're going to scald the chicken. It didn't take long.

That'll make him easy to pluck. I think I need to keep doing this, honestly. Poor Henrietta. So he's holding the chicken under water so that it stays submerged. The water is boiling, which is even hotter than required. But apparently the feathers should come right off. And then we'll eat. But apparently the feathers should come right off. And then we'll eat.

We were going to boil the chicken meat, and I called my wife. And she's like, that's not what you want to do. So we actually just kind of cheated and got frying materials because we weren't sure how to safely cook a chicken in the wilderness without, like, oil and stuff. Anybody want to say a few words for the chicken? the wilderness without like oil and stuff. Anybody want to say a few words for the chicken? Well, she was a good chicken. She didn't deserve to go down like that. She rid us of pests and kept us company.

She was kind of like a team mascot. You know, not just now, but like 30 minutes earlier, I've watched a lot of wilderness shows. Some wanted to prepare for this one. now but like 30 minutes earlier I I've watched a lot of wilderness shows some wanted to prepare for this one and you see the religious people like literally thanking God for the bounty that he delivered and stuff like that people who aren't religious sometimes just thank the animal like I'm thankful for the chicken I truly am yeah and like well I'm not ready to like pray on camera

about it I understand I'm feeling ready to pray on camera about it, I'm feeling the same emotions they did. That chicken just gave her life so that we can eat. And I don't know. I guess I'm a little more attached to my food than I normally am. Yeah, I think it's going to be tasty. We'll let him scoff. Do you remember how long it needs to stay in the pot? It seemed like it was measured in like seconds like one two minutes 30 seconds

Hmm, and I think they sort of dunked it, but I'm not sure you think so too Yeah, I think dunking would be good. It would just loosen it all up I imagine Well, I can't it's completely submerged. Yeah, but I mean the process of like cold hot cold hot. Oh really? What do I know? Yeah? I think just let it soak. Yeah give them a minute or two and we'll see how easy the feathers are to get out after that. So what's the worst part so far Chiz? Of what? Of this. Like what's the, what one thing that is the worst thing? Being all hot and sweaty all the time. Yeah.

I wanna shower. What's the best part? Do I have to give an answer? No. I can't think of anything. Nothing good. What's the least awful part? The nighttime campfires.

That's really the only part I do like. We're gonna do that in Raleigh a lot. That's totally different though. That's really the only part I do like. We're going to do that in Raleigh a lot. That's totally different, though. That's totally different, though. Those are fun across the board. This is the highlight of a very shitty 16-hour day that I'm waiting to pass every day. No, when Chiz came to us, we had a bonfire. It was a little too hot, to be honest.

That'll get better. Yeah, we should have brought pallets with us. But to watch Chiz and make fun of Hope, it's hilarious. Had some good debates going. Yeah, yeah. So what's your highs and lows? The worst part is probably the same thing. I take two or three showers a day. Kind of OCD about it. I'm just covered in layers of sweat and bug spray. Yeah, and there was a point in my life where I was telling them, I took four showers a day.

I was always showering. I like being clean. I like being fresh out of the shower. It's great. And so bathing in the creek, if you can call it that, is the worst part. And just being, like you said, you sweat and then it evaporates, and you're left with the salt and the grime and then the dirt and then the bug spray and then you sweat again and repeat the process you've got this layer

of gritty disgustingness on you that it's not appealing at all we all stink pretty bad the best part I really enjoyed playing that prank on you I really I've really enjoyed I won't say I've really enjoyed playing that prank on you. I really, I've really enjoyed, I won't say I've really enjoyed, but the least awful thing. I like my hammock. These hammocks are great. I was, because last time around we slept on the ground and that's just awful. That was terrible. You can't get comfortable and you just can't get rested.

But with that thing, I get a full eight hours sleep, I guess, at night. And thank you, Battlebox, for including those in your gear pack. Fucking awesome. Yeah. So let's see. The worst part is probably the midday heat. Like, when I'm sweating and I can't escape from that, that is probably the downside. Oh, no, the worst part is the hunger.

Like, I feel like I'm high energy right now. Like, it comes and goes. But there are times when I get up and everything's a little dizzy and such. I do like the weight loss. I fully acknowledge that it's probably fat and muscle, but fuck. You're getting shredded out here. Yeah.

If we did another week of this, like we'd, I definitely know you and I, we'd be skin and bones. Yeah. Like another week of this of just like- Cheers would be at my starting point. Minuscule calories and lots of work. Like just gathering enough firewood to boil this water was an undertaking.

I made a mistake. I should have bought a new filter. We have a water purifier. I'm told that if you have fever in the creek, I read this online so it must be true, that the water is bad. Definitely bad. Don't doubt, that the water is bad. Definitely bad. Don't doubt it. The water is bad. And the fact that when I like bathe in it and stuff, bubbles come up out of the dirt and mud makes me think that this is just not great water. It needs to be purified. But the filter on the purifier is so dense that purifying it is a tremendous amount of

work. And I need to fix my mic, sorry. Purifying it is a lot of work, and it breaks every couple of pumps. We're going to have to go to the live straw. This is the fourth day, it's Thursday, so I don't know if the water pump is going to work tonight. We're probably going to use those live straws to get the battle box thing. We could use that pot and the live straws and just suck from that. Take a pot over here. know, suck from that.

Take a pot over here. Yeah, that'll work. I'm going to take our chicken out. Okay. Yank its feathers off. My highs, I definitely love sleeping in the hammock. I've got to stop calling it a tent. I love sleeping in the hammock.

That thing is awesome. Thank you so much. I like sleeping outdoors. I think that's a pretty neat thing. I like being skinny, I like, uh, I like hanging out with my friends in the woods, I think I'm not wired to give a shit about certain kinds of discomfort, so, uh, like being dirty and stuff, I bathe daily in the creek, and, um, yeah, I don't know, that seems fine, I, I, I I'd do it again I'm sitting here thinking

like ah there's only one more day left like I I think I've got three more days in me now I'm thinking like by all means I'm gonna be the shower and I'm looking forward to the feast to come mm-hmm I'm gonna get drunk so you're not. I am. That's why I was asking Patrick if he could drive. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I want to. That's hilarious.

That's really hot, huh? Really? Even through the gloves? Even through the gloves. Is his toe too hot? Well, it's water. Oh, I thought you just got his toe. Well, I did something a little stupid.

Henrietta, you're my favorite chicken. Smells pretty good. So do the feathers just pull off easy? Have you tried one? They do. Look at that. See, and I forget, do we have to take the skin off or no? Well, should we de-feather her a little further away from the campsite?

I don't know, just a thought. Kyle's gonna go clean that bird real good. Chews cleverly has the wired lav so he can't even do anything. That is correct. If his mic he's just stuck where it is. Can't do anything really. Sucks being grounded. But yeah I've had a good time on the trip. I'm good, I'm good. What else should we talk about? Oh, Joe Biden's supposed to run. Joe Biden is supposed to run. He's hitting the rounds right now. Gonna go through Atlanta, I think.

He's talking to Hillary's donors. Apparently a bunch of them only donate to her because he's not there. Yep. So that's kind of cool. donors. Apparently a bunch of them only donate to her because he's not there. So that's kind of cool. Hopefully he does announce soon. Hopefully next week would be nice. I'd like him to hit the ground running and start going. He gets my vote.

I need to listen to him before I say I'm voting for him, but I want to know who Obama endorses. He's kind of close to both of them. Secretary of State, VP. Didn't he fire Hillary? Yeah, she's no longer Secretary of State. John Kerry is.

She's the ex-Secretary of State, but I thought she stepped down and had planned on running. She had a head issue or something. A head issue? Like a health issue? Yeah, something in her head. I think she hit her head really hard or something. A head issue? Like a health issue? Yeah something in her head. I think she hit her head really hard or something. Oh man gross. How's the de-feathering coming? Pretty awful. Really? It seems so good the first couple feathers. Yeah. Oh. What do you see? What is that? Is he burnt? Please explain what you're looking at.

So I see um... It looks almost like the chicken was dropped in the fire but I know that didn't happen. Maybe. Put him on the ground for a second. Maybe it's that. What do you see? I can't see anything. But I'm talking to Kyle. I don't know. What is that? The meat's discolored in some way. I don't know. What is that? The meat's discolored in some way. I'm looking.

Discolored, so this is skinless. And then that side. That's not just, that's blood, right? Sounds very, I don't know, very concerning. Professional. Well good, I'll eat it. I think it's blood because whatever was, I don't know where to go from here. So it looks like he's taken off most of the chicken's skin.

Yeah, it was kind of inevitable. I'm not complaining. I'm narrating here. Yeah, it's mostly skinless now. It's pretty smelly, too. I'm sorry. It's hanging off. You know, it's taped.

It's taped to one side. I'm a sweaty mess. I apologize for the mic rubbing. So Kyle's breaking off pieces of chicken and throwing it in the woods. Maybe that will help us catch the next thing. Yeah. Now you need to gut it. And why is its head like that?

I don't know, dude. You didn't drop it in the mud. No, I didn't. She smells like chicken. Well, good. I'd be concerned if she smelled like pork. I mean, she started cooking, it seems. You're doing good, Kyle.

I like this. Kyle's breaking bones. I hope the mic picks it up. Mm-hmm. And can you get the feathers off her neck? She's got a few left. Now you need to gut it. Yeah.

And Kyle is a chicken gutting master. Totally. I've never done it before. I ran over one with a tractor before. That does the job pretty good. That's awful. What kind of tractor? Tell me more.

55 fucking horsepower. 55 horsepower. Holy shit. Front end loader? Oh, yeah. You don't good. That's awful. What kind of tractor? Tell me more about it. 55 fucking horsepower. 55 horsepower. Holy shit. Front end loader? Oh yeah. You don't say. Four wheel drive. You're doing great.

Oh, thank you Woody. This looks like a chicken. Like, what's happening is, as he like breaks the bones off and rips the feathers off, it's turning into something that's becoming more familiar to me mm-hmm now the problem is it still has a butthole and all the stuff that leads to it do you want a knife yeah a good one I'll give you my sock I think that's a dude I think that's a pretty good choice yeah all right try not to have mic issues as I bend over I should probably I think that's a pretty good choice. Yeah. All right.

Trying not to have mic issues as I bend over. I should probably do this over there, to be honest, on one of those boxes. On a box? Okay. Well, all right. I got a knife here. This will work. Do you?

Yeah. That was going to be our cutting board. Here's a choice if you change your mind. Is that in frame? Well, everything he's about to pull out looks awful. Just kidding, I don't want it at all. There's your bait and intestines. This is almost certainly not the correct way to do this. Hope no one's learning right now. We really don't know what we're doing. That's the whole point of this. That just looks awful. Those are gizzards. That's good eating right there.

Actually, the gizzard is right here. I swear, it looks to me like we're getting close to a thing here. It looks a lot more like actual chicken I've eaten than I'd expected. Exactly. We're getting close to the form of bird that we see at the store, which, you know when you're driving and you're lost, and then suddenly you start to recognize, like you're on the outer edge of places you know?

That's where we are with this chicken right now. Like I think I've seen this before. I think you just cut the legs off, right? Yeah, I guess. You wanna take it from here, Woody? You know, you're doing so well. I really don't know where to go from here, and I feel like I boiled one of my fingers and I want to look at that. I've got other gloves. Of course you do. I would burn those gloves. Dip them in the water. I really did boil my finger. Did you? God damn it. Let's see. Well I'm gonna stoke the fire a little bit and uh and that's that. God I know I'm not supposed to touch the mic but... I've turned you down so nobody can hear it.

Wait, I think I have the tape. Yeah, could you mute me for a second? I'll just tape my mic up again. Just Chiz and Carl. Yeah, well, Carl burnt himself apparently, I don't see where. Can you bring that closer to the camera? It's not bad, I just stuck my finger in the... Oh yeah, you can definitely boil this finger. I just stuck my finger in the boiling water and a little skin fell off.

Yeah. That's never good. No. Fly fuck off! Chicken. Oh, Henrietta, you look so thin. Chicken did look a lot bigger with feathers on it. Yeah, there's not as much there once you pull all the insides out.

So... It's really... Once I catch my breath here and take a minute, I'm gonna cut all the little bits and pieces that are edible off. And cut them into strips. I guess I can take that thing of water and dump it out. Dump it out. Yeah. That was stupid.

Burning your fingers? Yeah, I stuck my fucking hand in boiling water like a moron. You had the glove on though, right? Yeah, but gloves don't protect against boiling water. It just absorbed the water and it went straight through and burnt me. Good point. Just stupid, stupid, stupid. All right, can you unmute me?

Goodbye. Thank you. Good point. Just stupid, stupid, stupid. Alright, can you unmute me? You're bottom. Thank you. Alright, so I'm gonna throw a little wood on the fire since we're about to fry some chicken up. And have our first real meal since Monday. Who here has pooped? Nope. Nope. Kyle? Nope. Yeah. I ate big on Monday I refuse to and I pooped at the Walmart and I literally haven't had to go and it's Thursday so that's a thing gotta put something in for something to come out don't give me

none of that science bullshit I've just been absorbing everything at a high level. My buddy's running at peak efficiency. Refused to shit on this trip. Is that what they say about Kim Jong-il or something? Yeah. He doesn't need an asshole because he's running at high such efficiencies. All right. If you guys know nothing about making a campfire,

pretty much every stick should crisscross. That way you get air flow and it'll burn nice. Yeah. Try to recreate the campfire drawings you would draw as a child. All the sticks up in a spindly type deal. How should we, what else should we do to this pot before oil is... sticks up and spindly type deal. What else should we do to this pot before oil is... Before oil is put in it? I think burning oil is going to really sanitize the pot.

And I think the sides will get sanitized just through the process. It just had boiling water in it. I don't think you need to do anything else. I think we're good. Just dump it all in there. I'm going to take wouldn't dump the oil until you're about to go like cut the chicken up first cuz you don't want like Shit to get in there It flies there everywhere now They smell the food

Or also known as my old friend or also known as my old friend my first kill watch the survival series where the chicken was on my foot couple times and I was like fly and she didn't fly but no she's a meat bird no she can't fly but she can use the gust attack very well yes it would have gotten a 10 foot tall chicken the lot though that chicken was about seven weeks old so we got a little bigger yeah I should have dug a hole and buried Henrietta's head.

That would have been nice. She would have liked that. It's not too late. Oh, that makes me so dizzy. It's hard to God. I'll do that. Well, we're rationing water right now. We are.

What did he do? Oh, he forgot to take the cap off. He's not firing on all cylinders. Oh, he forgot to take the cap off. He's not firing on all cylinders. So, we forged up some vegetable oil. Another wilderness man. It's for safety, we didn't know what to do. A guy built a general store out here somewhere.

The Walmart's indigenous to the area. Exactly. Oh, canola oil, nice. Good to keep it healthy. Is it healthy? Good! Because sexy me is staying. This is the new me. Are you using all the oil at one time?

Yeah. Deep fry that shit. Yeah. Oh, deep fry. Okay, okay. Yeah, I follow. We're using a pot. I was afraid there'd be a scenario where maybe like we needed a second try.

Well, there will be none of that. No. Can you put the lid on the pot? It keeps the ashes out and okay, dirty lids better. That's spice. And I like that. You know it's weird. Oh, what's the stock market doing today?

Have you been making your trillions, Chiz? Gazillions. I think it went back up again today. Gee, huh? Just going up and down, up and down. Yes, I'm waiting for it to drop so I can buy, and I will make brazillions of money. Brazillions of money.

Brazillions of money. They have the best assets. Brazillions of money. They have the best assets. Brazilians of money. They have the best assets, huh? Yep. Clever. Clever. Wouldn't it be nice, like, I wish you could control where fat went, you know? Like, I'll take it all in my cock.

Where would you put all of yours? I don't know exactly. Because I was going to say, if you're a girl, sure, you know. You can load up your boobs and ass, right? Load up your boobs and ass, but. As a guy, I guess you know. You can load up your boobs and ass, right? Load up your boobs and ass, but really. As a guy, I guess you just. Your feet. I'm pretty fortunate there's blood on my feet.

My fat evenly distributes. So I can put on like 15 pounds and it's not the end of the world. But then losing it isn't as a, like you don't look at it and you're like, oh look, you've got a new face or a new this right It just takes time That caramel macchiato we had sounds really good right about now. Oh yeah, right. I was like It's getting really sleepy on the way here, so he's pulled over. I was gonna have a coffee

But instead I had some sort of sugary coffee thingy caramel caramel macchiato. Caramel macchiato. All right. Delicioso. How you doing Kyle? A little dizzy. A little dizzy? Yeah. Not eating, huh? Nah, not really. You want to take a turn at this? I got you some gloves. A turn at what? Cutting the flesh parts away, the parts we're going to eat.

Yes. Like the legs are there, that's pretty easy. Just cut the breast away from the bone. Yeah, just need some chunks of meat laying there and and then we'll cut them into thin strips and yeah we'll cut the strips off where are we going to whisk I had entirely in our plans for these rubber gloves yeah I was one right there I wish I hadn't boiled myself that was so stupid it's not a good move I mean I'm not a survival expert well it, it's right next to grabbing a completely all thorny thorn bush and cutting every finger.

You did that on the way in here, right? Huh? On the way in here. Yeah, right as we were walking in here. Yeah, on the way in here, it was... I was like, wow, we're not even at the fucking campsite. Yeah, so it's day four, and I think I have figured out like the best way to get in and out because From where we parked there's a couple of options

You can walk down a road for a while and then get a pretty direct route out to where we are now Or you can just walk straight and and that means you got to go through lots of bullshit lots of really thick stuff Kind of like this smoke and ash you're seeing now front of you. That's going right into Patrick's face. Imagine that that smoking ash is all thorns and Yeah. angry bushes. I was trying not to get it towards the raw meat. That was the thought process.

Yeah. This fires, it needs more little sticks, more tinder. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to getting the fuck out of here, man. Are you feeling well enough to do the tinder? Yeah, I'm really looking forward to getting the fuck out of here, man. Are you feeling well enough to do the tinder? Oh, I don't know. Maybe that'll catch.

Maybe I just fixed it. I was going to say, I'll do the chicken while you do the tinder. Chiz can sit. I got wire. I can't even walk over that. I'll melt it. Sure, if you don't mind.

Chiz, I don't know about you but when I put these things on I think of sexy time those are the gloves you brought when you send you brought another pair of gloves well I brought gloves for this for this sort of thing okay you know the gloves I had like I really shouldn't been ripping into a chicken with they're kind of like tactical gloves I got them for like, I don't know. Tactical stuff. Tactical stuff, yeah.

The back of my hands are less fat. Ah. Like I'm looking at them like that? You could be a hand model now. You could be a hand model. Yeah. I don't know that they're better. I never can now after this injury.

What's that? After this injury, my hand model He may never work again. No, I'll never work again. All right, so let's see. My hand might have a word All right, so let's see we got some chicken here It's warm Done Ooh. I'm done. 100% done? Uh huh. Forever? Chiz ran out of cigarettes about 30 minutes ago.

Wait, you didn't say forever? Not forever. How am I supposed to say forever? You can't say forever for anything. Even Kyle's not a forever. I think we can say forever because it's never happening again. Kyle's quit five different times. Yeah, he threw his last pack in the fire about half an hour ago, so.

God, there's still guts in here. Oh, well, those are just, well, that's in the gut pocket. That's in the gut pocket. Yeah, you don't need that piece anyway. This is the butthole. That's the butthole. We need to pull it out. Yeah, don't eat that.

You want to eat the butthole? The back meat? The legs and the breasts. Yeah, everyone loves the back meat. That's my favorite part of the chicken. I just kind of thought that the other part was done, but okay, okay. I'm not sure. After I burnt myself, I kind of checked out.

Hey, Kyle, can you hand me the lid I was using to fan the fire? I think Chiz has it. Great. Thank you. I hope thatiz has it. Great. Thank you. I hope that chicken's tasty. I really do. Well, you dunk enough flour and fry on it. That chicken is literally designed to be tasty, though, so it should be. It's a meat bird.

He's not designed to be tasty. He's designed to get fat quickly. Which is tastier? God, I stink. I stink so bad. Yep. We all do, I think. Well, it's... Pretty bad. I smell good. You smelled when I picked you up

at the airport, motherfucker. No, it's... That's... I guess I really just don't like roughing it. Maybe... I don't think... I don't think many people do. Nope.

Like when you're really roughing it and there's like, and it's one thing to camp and you've got like showers nearby. I've done that before, like tent camping by, like on a campground, you know. There's a little shower over there you can go in, kind of like a communal thing, and it's nice to freshen up every morning. You know, you wake up and you take your shower and you're like, ah, now I can start the day. Or if you've ever, like, come back from a workout and you're all grimy

and you feel like shit and you take that shower and you're like, oh, I thought I was going to be exhausted. Now I've got a second wind. Right. We're not getting that ever. No. It's just like there's the shock and the horror of, like, dunking yourself in that freezing cold water in the creek.

Oh, come on. I was down there bathing and I was going, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. I grabbed my shotgun. What do you think I needed help? I'm like, he probably just dunked in and he's cold or something like that. Yeah, that's exactly. What do you grab the shotgun and it's like, I'm going to save Kyle. Well, now you know you're in trouble.

That's how I react. Yeah, if you've ever like been in cold water and you know it takes your breath away, I was in that water and I was kind of like hyperventilating. I was having a hard time regulating my breathing. It was so cold. I'm not enjoying that. I like a hot fucking shower. It's my favorite thing to do, favorite part of my day at least.

So really looking forward to that. That and the food. The food's going to be tasty too. Woody's making some progress over here. He's cutting strips of the meat away from the bone. And I think boiling it a little longer than you're supposed to was a good idea because it seems to be coming off really easily. Like, it's certainly not cooked, but it's not raw flesh.

Right. Yeah. Yeah, the chicken's not pink. It may not be, like, the best way to make the chicken taste good, but it's making this prep pretty easy, it looks like, to me. He's doing a good job there. Oh, like I said, enough flour and vegetable oil. Yeah, we'll batter those fuckers up and fry them.

Yeah. I still feel bad for the chicken. Is there any butter indigenous to the area? Yeah, yeah, I believe so. I think there's a lard tree over there somewhere. I'd like to find a beer tree. That'd be nice. Right?

Yeah, I don't even drink beer, really. I wouldn't partake. It's just something about being in this shithole. There's calories in there. When you're this hungry and you've been drinking filtered water for a week, anything's going to taste good. I'm looking forward to our food after this. Yep.

Kinda looking forward to this food, we'll see. Oh, I thought this is the food you were talking about all that time. I'm a little mixed up, I think. Yeah, I was looking forward to that Outback Steakhouse, or Five Guys, or Sonny's Barbecue, or wherever we end up going. Screw that, I'm looking forward to Henrietta,

and she's only an hour away. Yeah, gettin' ass, all right. here or wherever we end up going. Screw that. I'm looking forward to Henrietta, and she's only an hour away. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Getting ass. All right. I mean, it's hard to compete against Outback. They're not a sponsor.

They should be. They should be. We work on that. Let's go Outback. We just camp Outback. We're going Outback. I don't think Outback actually has anything to do with Australia. Of course not.

I don't think there are any Australians who own the Outback Steakhouse or have anything to do with it. Ooh, here we go. Call of Duty. Yeah, I started playing the Black Ops 3 beta Monday, I guess. And it's last Monday or whenever. It's hard to tell anymore. But anyway, I started playing it.

And there were lots of server issues and connectivity issues. So I had a hard time getting a game. But the night before we came out here, actually, I played for a few hours and had a great time. I started doing better, I unlocked a couple of the better guns, I think the Man of War is like the third assault rifle. It worked really well. I finally, you know, I got the jump mastered I think now, the whole boost system. It's not that hard but it took a minute. And I like the game, I really do. I like the perks, I like the little things like how powerful the grenades are and stuff.

And granted, I'm like a level 14 or something like that. I haven't seen all there is to see. But the way the game was running when I was playing, it seemed like a lot of fun. I had a good time. So I'm kind of looking forward to this Call of Duty. I'm looking forward to it too. I think I'm going to make some YouTube videos again. The kind of videos that I made don't really succeed on YouTube anymore,

but they're the kind of videos I like to watch, and that might mean something. Yeah. You know, like if I were to try to do Let's Plays and fake reactions and stuff, I don't know that I'd make good videos. So I'm thinking maybe I'll give the COD thing another run and just enjoy it. Yeah, I've enjoyed this game so far. It seems like a great game. Treyarch had an extra year to make this, right? Yeah.

Yeah. So I think that's going to show in the product. The underwater aspect of...there's three maps available in the beta, and the underwater aspect I thought was going to be bad. It's been done well in single player, but lots of things work well in single player that just don't work in multiplayer. But this translates well. It worked really nicely.

You can fire your weapons underwater. Those are always funny kills. One of the things, and I don't even know the right terminology. I don't know what they're calling it this time around. Can we switch? I'm wearing out. Yeah. Looks like you almost got it all. Almost.

I made progress. Do you want these gloves? No. But I like the... It's part of your character build. It's like when you get enough points built up, you, the one I was using is like a super grenade launcher. It's like a six barrel grenade launcher, and when you shoot, they burst into like three more grenades or something like that. And it seemed a little OP. I'm not sure how they're going to make that fun in the game. There were several others. There's one where someone

was shooting me with this thing that electrocuted the guy next to me and me and then some guy's slamming the ground and killing everybody around us. So lots of new things this time around. They really tried to innovate, tried to come up with some new shit and I think it's gonna be good. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, looks fun. I haven't even played it yet. A fan gave me a beta code, which I really appreciate more than... I sent you one too. Kyle sent me one too, so now I'm set for PC and Xbox. Or is it Xbox?

Is that what you got it for? Yeah. Yeah. So I'm gonna set up my Xbox and recording setup soon and... I think we're about there. I mean, I'm hitting bone now. I did my best. I feel like there's more food on there though like whenever I live if you really want to have just bone left

there's more to get like that that right there I'll see that's just like I'll keep cut yeah see what I can get whatever give it three five minutes See what comes out. You guys have been playing Rocket League as well, right? Yeah. Yeah. I suck at Rocket League so bad. So bad. It's funny.

Chiz, I would say, is actually good. Probably not as good as, like, some of the game battles or all-stars that you watch. But he's a solid player that you'd want on your team, and he does good stuff. I'm bad. I'm not as good as Chiz. But Kyle's curiously bad. I really do struggle. Oftentimes Chiz and I do better two on three

than having Kyle. Really detrimental when he starts hitting it backwards. Or just runs into you. He's very good at running into you. He'll do that more often than you think. Own goals, that's a thing. That's not a thing that happens regularly though. It's not regularly. Definitely you hitting me is more regularly.

I do that on purpose though. I know. Especially when I'm lining up a shot. I think part of it is when I'm playing with you because you are pretty damn good at it is you're running away with the ball often. So I'm just kind of like, well, what do I do? Like saying I'll center myself in the field and wait on you to center it and like you'll usually just handle it yourself so but I am bad at the game that's one thing that I do I I feel like my positioning is good because I've played so much hockey it translates like the where you're supposed to go centering plays you know when you need to get back on D that stuff is fairly instinctive. But controlling the car, I'm

not that good at that. Who plays what position? Who's defensive? Who's attacking? If anyone plays D, it's probably Chiz. He's best at it. The thing is, even when I get back on D, sometimes I'm ineffective because I don't control the car. I play midfielder. I'm all over the course. There is no positioning. Yeah. I, on the other hand, just go where I think the play is headed toward. That's basically my role. I tend to always be near the ball or preparing for where it's going to be heading. Yeah.

Whereas Kyle is like in the opposite corner and I don't know what he's doing. Or he's on the ceiling. That happens. I spend a lot of time off ball waiting for my opportunity. You know, like if it centers, I'll get the goal. If they break out, I'll play the D or whatever. Play in the D, eh? Ah, you know, don't judge. We're going to need two pots, right?

I'm looking forward to getting laid when I get out of here, too. I'll tell you that. This is the longest I've gone without sex since I was fucking 17 years old or something. I'm fucking 17 years old or something. Have you guys seen any of the MOG Rocket League? Yes! They are good on a level that doesn't even make sense. Yeah, they're really something. It's like they've been playing it for years.

Right? That shit just came out. This is a new game, bitch. How are you this good? I thought this was a pot. I need a cup to uh... Grab that one. That one's clean. Yeah, on the bag?

Good call. Yeah, yeah. Somebody brought chapstick? I brought chapstick! Good call. Oh, I brought some too, I have it in my bag, I haven't needed it. Yeah. Oh, that's disgusting.

Well, none of our cups are clean. Okay. How bad is it? Not that bad. Mine's better, though. Aren't we going to need two? One for flour, one for egg? No. Where are you going to dredge the egg?

I got this. Okay. Henrietta, you are a good chicken. Oh, did you get that baggie from the thing? Baggie of what? You were messing around with the waterproof yellow bag thing or whatever, and there was another baggie in it. You put the chicken in there, put the flour in there.

Oh, the fanny pack! Yeah, it's over there. He pulled out a... I'll just use, since we're not going to be taking that flour with us, I'll just use the bag of flour to dip it in. Oh, that works. Yeah, yeah. Flour doesn't burn, right? That's one of the things you can put fire out with. Flour burns. If it's atomized just right, it explodes. Oh.

I've put flour next to explosives before to increase the effect. Yeah. Pretty sure it burns. Ben Carson, each post gains national poll points. Did something happen? GOP front-runner Donald Trump and Ben Carson, each post gains nationally. Poll finds as neurosurgeon takes number two spot from Jeb Bush.

Yeah. Wow. I'm glad it's not Jeb Bush. He's one of my least favorites. But what does Ben Carson have going for him? I don't know much about him, but I would take like a unknown mystery candidate over Jeb Bush.

Maybe. What about Carly Firmino? Would she be your, would she be better than Bush? You know she wouldn't. Better than Bush, oh I don't know, that's a tough one. But I'm really not into her at all. What are you looking for? Something to whisk. I follow her business career.

What's that? Something to whisk with. Where did your knife go? Something somewhat. I don't really want to use the knife that I just did all that awful stuff with. Well, I mean. It's pre-cooked. It would be good. It's the same thing that's going into the egg yolk. Cooking up the chicken.

Make sure you get some air in there. Whisk it. Welcome to Cooking with Coyle. This week we've taken down the mighty chicken. He put up a fight. He did. Took quite a few whacks, but now he's down for the count and we're about to throw him up real nice. I would say by the second whack his head was removed.

I mean, I hope it was. It was just some skin and feathers. You hope it was. some skin and feathers you hope it was i honestly believe that and i'll tell you i gave it my all i just first time for everything yeah i because i like i said before i read like oh when you cut the neck cut it hard use more force than you think you need because you don't want to have to do it twice. That was just for slitting the artery. In my case, I was trying to chop the head off, and a full-blown axe would have been the best tool over a machete. I think the way to do it would be just to let him stand there and just take the head right off.

No fucking way. I totally think I'd just knock him over. That would not have worked. It's not better than having him. Who here has decapitated more chickens? I have decapitated more chickens? I have decapitated hundreds, thousands, thousands, thousands. He hit it against... It had wood under it, and he had the force of the machete.

It should have done more damage than just hitting it like that. If I'm being honest, he was chopping the shoulders, though. You think I chopped too low? Yeah, you were chopping back here. And what? I was very cautious not to hit Kyle's hand who was helping me hold the chicken down. Well, you should have hit his hand to save the chicken some pain and suffering. Kyle could have taken one for the team. You think I chopped the shoulders? Well,

I think you're going to want to do it by the pot. Right? Like dunk it in the egg, dunk it in the flour, into the pot. Yeah. You're not going to want to set it back on the cardboard flies you're all over. Yeah, that's true. Has anybody checked the oil yet? Nope. No, but I'm sure it's hot as hell. I'm sure it is.

Does someone want to stoke the fire? I'll do it. All right. Tester piece. It needs a sizzle, doesn't it, when it goes in? Yeah. Oh, I heard that. Listen to it sizzle. We're on to something, gentlemen. All right. Let's move our kitchen center over to that pot.

Ooh. Listen to it. Oh. I can hear that because Woody's right next to it. Sounds good. Got our meat here. Careful. Think that's going to be delicious? Jesus. It might spill all over the place. You really risked the meat there.

Yeah. That'd be creepy right on camera too. Kyle! Just slide it all into the dirt. Kyle, do you want to move the mic lead over a bit? Just in case. Yeah. I'll do that.

I'm looking for my, don't do that. I'll help. Just let me know. I'll help. Just slide it all into the dirt. Kyle, do you want to move the mic lead over a bit? Just, just a case. Yeah, I'll do that. I'm looking for my, uh, don't do that. I'll help. Just let me find my knife. It's right there. Need to get the lid back off that pan. Watch it, it's on your foot. Pretty good piece.

So Carl, what are you doing? I'm battering this chicken. I'm dropping it in the whisked eggs. Whisked? Whisked eggs. Tearing it up a bit into some sort of bite-sized morsels and then I'm gonna flour it and fry it. And then we'll somehow get all of that out which we didn't think. We'll have something.

Will we? Will we? We can poke it with a knife. No way. Those pieces are pretty small. We need something like a ladle or a spatula or something to strain it out of. Let's see. Stop playing parallel, dumb sticks.

Or we just cook it until the oil evaporates. That's a thing, right? Oh yeah, we got a thing happening here. How's the chicken looking with it? In the pot, that is. It's sort of, it's like it only boils right on the chicken. And it's cooking. So I guess that's good.

Mm-hmm. Kyle's doing a good job. Well. Kyle's doing a good job. Well, I'm going to take this time while Kyle dumps some chicken parts into that pot to thank our sponsor for this PK. With more enthusiasm, please. We just want everyone to know that this episode of PK is brought to you by Squarespace, where sites look professionally designed regardless of skill level, no coding required. Intuitive and easy to use tools, Squarespace has state-of-the-art technology powering your site to ensure security and stability. Trusted by millions of people and some of the most respected brands in the world. It starts at $8 a month and you get a free domain if you sign up for a year.

Start your free trial site today with no credit card required at squarespace.com. When you decide to sign up for Squarespace, make sure to use offer code pka to get 10 off your first purchase squarespace build it beautiful so whether you're starting a business building a portfolio or just expressing yourself online remember to sign up today and go to squarespace.com slash pka that's squarespace.com slash pka do not miss out so go check! So, go check them out. They help support the show. Squarespace.com slash PKA is the place to start.

Support their service as they support us. Yay! What are you on number one? Can you check your battery level? It's going down to one on this device, but I want to make sure

you're listening. Alright. I'm still full. Alright. I'm so hot. Yeah, what's the weather been like this week? Yesterday and today in particular were hot and humid. But I don't like to fuss.

No one wants to hear fussing, right? But good lord. I don't know, there's plenty of channels that rant and rave. This time of day is just inescapable heat misery. What time is it? Maybe 2? 1.30. 1.30?

Yeah. So it's going to... Yeah, we're just hitting it now. It's starting horrible time. Won't get any better until 5, 6. Yeah. So? Hands are clean.

Hands are clean. You ready to cook? Yes, you are. Okay. I won't. Season the chicken? Yep. Like a real man. What are you seasoning that with, Carl? I haven't decided yet. I'm thinking

some garlic salt would be nice. A little bit of that on there. How's it coming out? Is there paper under there too? No. It's just kind of moist. How's it coming out? Is there paper under there too? No. It's just kind of moist. How about a little bit of everything?

Look at that. All right. Can you show the camera what you're doing? So this is a multi-spice thing. It's salt, paprika. Bring your thumb down. Thumb it down. Salt, paprika, curry, cayenne, garlic salt, and black pepper.

And I think... Yeah, a little bit of everything, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the Colonel's original recipe right there. That's going to be nice. Why'd you have to use the handheld part of the knife? Well, that seems like the cleanest part because I've been digging it around and stuff with the blade, right? And our hands are so clean. Whatever.

And we're about to fry this. Our hands are so clean. They're not about to be again, though. All right, Woody. Fry it up for us. Okay. We should really think of a way to get it out. You've chosen the right man to cook, I'll tell you that, because Lord knows I don't

have everything delivered to me all day. All right. I guess we use a cup. I think... Shove a cup in there and scoop it out and then dump the oil. Well... What about the sieve thing you've got? Surely you would...

What sieve thing? The pot that has like the holes in the bottom of the pot. That won't work. Nope. No. So I think... what I would do... is hope for the best.

Not sure how we're going to get that chicken out of there. Really not. Should we cook it all at once so the oil becomes trash? Yeah. I'd just dump all that in there. Just dump it all in. Don't let it splash you though. Sounds good.

That's not a pot there. It's looking really good. It looks like fried chicken. All right. Dump the flour on the fire. PKA, the gang makes chicken. I think flour is like one of the things you put on fire when you have a kitchen fire. Yeah.

And the flour will put it right out for you. Isn't that baking soda? But that's a grease fire, right? I mean, I would guess it'd work on a wood fire too. And Kyle, right, it might be baking soda. I know that salt works. Put a little on. What's that?

Throw a little flour. A little flour on top of the thing? Yeah. Like this? Yeah. I don't know. Oh, that... Oh my god I thought you'd have it. Don't listen to Chiz. It's fried flour. It's also seasoned fried flour. It's just gonna add more seasoning to the oil. So I think that needs to come out of

there pretty soon. I wish that I had tactical gloves but I know someone who does to do what with no get the damn pot out of the fire no the pot out of the fire well it's still gonna be cooking for a long ass time if you pull it out No, it's bait. I don't think it works as a good bait. If anything comes with that chicken carcass, we're going to have another meal. Is that working?

Yeah. I don't see any need for any more fire this time of day. It's looking like fried chicken. Can you shake it a bit so that I can do it too? I feel like the top things haven't been covered that well in oil. Something about that burning oil looks like the most dangerous thing that's happened so far on this trip. It's pretty dangerous. Like you could lose a foot or something.

Yeah, well it wouldn't look like a foot anymore. Yeah, it just... It looked like flying chicken. It looked like one just... It turned into a flipper, so maybe a step up for Woody. Some flipper feet. Yes. I'm thinking, I feel like a cup is the best option unless anyone's got another idea.

Oh, to get the chicken out? Yeah, just take cups of chicken and then, you know, hold something back to get the oil out. But I'm really not seeing any other options. Well, you're not going to be able to stab that. We need a battle box lid. I'll get it to maybe let the chicken cool on. How long do you fry chicken? A couple minutes.

That's not that hot. That's not deep fry or oil. It's that's not deep fryer oil it's sizzling when it goes in that's the water leaving it though like i'm saying the oil wasn't boiling so i mean you know you want to give it a couple minutes has it even browned all the way it's getting there you think it needs to cook more cheers felt so going back in the heat well thank Battle Box, for our food preparation services. All right, we'll let it cook. Hey, I'm psyched about the DC movies coming out.

I think it was Chiz who was saying, like, they're playing catch-up. So the fact that DC's playing catch-up means we get to skip right to the good movies like i don't want to see as much as we joke about me and aquaman i don't want to see aquaman one aquaman two aquaman three etc like we have for captain america i don't want to see like all these side characters get developed etc i want to go straight into Justice League. Give me the Grand Battle Royale. That's the movie I want. It's the same thing. Justice League isn't happening for another five or six years or something.

What? Well, at least this movie coming out is going to have Batman, Superman, Joker, and a bunch of other bad guys, I think, right? It's going to have just Batman, Superman, Lex Luthor, who doesn't count, and Wonder Woman gets a cameo. I think Aquaman as well. Wait, what about the Psycho Joker guy? He's not in it. He's in Suicide Squad. Oh. I think he might be in it. I don't know. I know you got Batman.

I don't think so. There's a separate Batman movie already confirmed. Well, Batman can pull off a movie. There's a separate Batman movie already confirmed. Well, in any case... Well, Batman can pull off a movie. In any case, I like the individual films, but there's something... I'd like the Justice... It'd be cool if they were introduced through the Justice League,

but it doesn't really make sense. I like them, but I look forward and think I'll legit be 50 before the movie I really want to see comes out. And it's like, come on. I get that it takes a while to make a movie and it's not like i want different teams working on it like like jj abrams to me is the guy that does the space movies right right i want him to do all my star trek so i'm gonna do all my star wars etc so it's not like i want to do a call of duty scenario where one comes out every couple

months with different you know teams on them. But I somehow want them quicker. I hate that I have to wait for ages between shows. Well, I'm looking forward to DC's run at this thing. We'll see what it's like. We'll see if they kind of stay about the same as Marvel or if they go darker, if they go lighter, and how they mix the team together. Because the Justice League is pretty ridiculous.

You've got that Martian guy, and Wonder Woman is incredibly powerful. Wonder Woman is more powerful than anybody. More powerful than Superman. Yeah. I don't know about that. Nobody's more powerful than Superman. Whoa! It's a big fucking hornet.

Holy shit. Yeah, he stings you, you'll know it. He's right on your hammock. Get some, Kyle. Yeah, he's up in the tree now. He thought better of it. We have ignored the chicken for a while. I think you can pull it out now.

Yeah. Take a peek. I'll do it. So yeah, I'm pretty psyched about the movies. Watch the cable. Got Kyle's dirty socks as a cooking utensil. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh. Those socks have seen some loving. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Those things hurt so bad. Alright, now if we had a plan for getting the chicken out of the oil. So here's a plan. Alright. You could, uh, you could dunk the whole thing in the water, cool it off, and then maybe you could... Here's a plan. We could take the oily chicken thingy, right? Pour it over the battle box lid. The grease will go on and the chicken will stop on the lid.

We're out of grease then, so if it's not cooked, we're fucked. Alright. I'm gonna take a sample and see if this thing's cooked. Good luck. I feel like that's the best we've killed with that. I don't think you can stab at all. Don't let it drip on you. Actually, this doesn't look cooked in the middle. Yeah, that one doesn't even look fried. I'll set it right in the middle of that fire, maybe.

Hmm, this takes a little bit of skill the first one went so easily. I want to go home. Yeah it's not cooked. Okay so we're gonna give this another run. Here's what we're doing we're gonna get this shit hot. Lid on. I'm gonna stoke this fire up. Chicken used to be really good at stoking the fire. Well, I mean, it was so effortless for her to do it. She had wings. She's great at it. She's born to do it. She's built for stoking fires. She's built for filling bellies. She had a second calling. I feel like shit.

Yeah. Well, only another some odd number of hours. Yeah, like what? You know, 15 hours, something like that. Something like that. Something like that. Come on now, it's not so bad. It's awful It's uh, it's not that bad. It really isn't but it's just it's just uncomfortable. It's just not it's not

It's not enjoyable at all. It's like if I fed you nothing but dirt. It's like it's not that bad We're literally frying chicken in canola oil on an open campfire surrounded by hammocks. It's true. Yeah, it's not that bad. But, you know, when you go, here's what normal life is, you're under normal life. Yeah, compared to Syrian refugees, this is great. Of course, it could be a lot worse. Yeah, I get that.

But that's not how you should look at life. Like, yeah yeah we could all be missing a foot right now and have hay fever and have no hammocks and no food it's like yeah you're right this is better than that but you know it's better than this oh yeah a shower a television internet united kingdom shut up no that's under there where I was given the example of the hay fever and no hammocks and stuff. We were describing first world stuff. I don't know why you brought UK into it. Would you toss that bug spray? Can you reach it?

Alright, so that... Can you see the fire? Can you see the masterpiece I've just built? Does the world see the potential and the heat that's can you see the fire? Can you see the masterpiece I've just built? Does the world see the potential and the heat that's about to come from this? It's gonna be real nice. It's gonna be real good. And then I'm gonna, I'm going to put the pot upwind of the fire. I can't figure out where that is just yet. That way.

Which way you think? I think it's going towards Patrick. All right. And you'll get some delicious chicken smell. That'll get hot. Oh, Kyle left me the good hammock. Yeah. I'm hungry. I hope that chicken's good.

My stomach's grumbling. I need a topic. I usually have a whole list of them ready to go by. Ouch. What'd you say? I said ouch. Ouch. What would you do differently next trip?

Next what kind of trip? Next survival trip. Oh, I would not go. I'd drive an RV through the woods. What is the next kind of trip you want to do? Motorcycles through Mongolia. Trans-Siberian Railway might be cool. That sounds like sitting on a train for a week.

No, but there's stops and you meet people and you see Russia. Russian people, huh? It's funny that's being sold, but when I take the train it's silly. I meet people, I do stops, you know. They'll take my ass pretty good. And they speak English english which is awesome you know you should be pro trans-siberian highway except where you said it ends in like a rundown area with north korean or north vietnam north korean prisoners well you have to look for them

of course they're not they're prisoners i don't know what the next trip should be. You guys were talking about doing that car stuff. That sounds interesting. Yeah. That's the most fun one that doesn't involve anyone dying. And we'll get approval for everything. Get approval? Well, for example, I don't

think your wife is going to let you do the Mongolia trip. She always says no at first. Always says no at first. Yeah. Well, we can't ride motorcycles and China sounds like an awful place to be riding motorcycles. You see what I deal with people? You took, I was with you when you said let's do motorcycles through like the Pacific Northwest, but then you've just escalated it to Asia now. Hey, let's go across the globe. Yeah. Like, come on, Magellan.

Well, no one speaks the language. We have no- Let's go to Alaska first. OK, I accept your terms. And a plane. I don't know what the next trip should be. It should be something, as long as there are showers at night, I think you're going to have an easy

time selling me, though. Hm. Well. I'm willing to do just about anything, as long as there are showers at night, I think you're gonna have an easy time selling me though Hmm. Well, I'm willing to do just about anything as long as you know It'll work and it's mildly fun I Don't know what that should be being isolated from the world makes it difficult to get topics for the week. Yeah I'd be willing to do any kind of a hunting trip, though I know that's not you guys' thing. Boo. But I throw it out there.

Any kind of a fishing trip, like a professional, like a guided fishing trip, guided hunt, any of that stuff. Boo. That sounds so lame. Right? Like, get this. You go out there and you shoot birds. There's 3,000 of them you can't miss and then they cook you dinner. No, it's $3,000.

That's not how it is. You can miss. It's because you don't like shooting birds. It's like, imagine this, if I said, oh, we're going to go to this place off the tip of South Africa, the waves are insane. Every wave is a perfect wave. That sounds great. You ride that perfect wave, it's a perfect wave. That sounds great. You ride that perfect wave.

It's a perfect ride. And then there's another wave that goes back out to the spot where you caught the first one somehow. There's two local boys who paddle you back out to the waves. I don't understand. Dude, that's a business idea. I swear to God. The worst part about surfing is paddling back out and making it. There should be people out there with jet skis just dropping you in the spot.

And that sounds like a great, I would take that, Tor. Well that's the equivalent of that bird hunt. Because it's not, there's so many in the, you're not shooting into a swarm of them, that's not it. How did I not see Kyle guiding me to his point? Alright, I see why someone might like it now. Yeah, it's just, you- But the price tag is ridiculous

and it's not an adventure. It's a vacation. I mean, you're going to South America. Well, you said you've got a butler boy with you and great food and a nice hotel. Hey, you know that soldier of fortune training you were telling us about? Yeah. Can we do that? There's no training. You just go overseas and you fight in a war.

Hmm. Now, that would be hard to get approval from Jackie on. Yeah. Yeah. There's no training. You're go overseas and you fight in a war. Now, that would be hard to get approval from Jackie on. Yeah, yeah. There's no training. You're just dropping sort of battles on them. I'll sponsor it. I won't partake. There's not like a place you go to get trained up for that.

I think they want you to have the training going in. Yeah. So, yeah. Just as you are in no way interested in shooting those doves, I am so uninterested in the motorcycle stuff. It's just not something I'm good at at all and not something that I would enjoy learning on the fly. Whereas the bird thing, I loved doing it to begin with and now it's like they're everywhere. There's no boring part in between Shooting them. It's it's a it's a it would be great

I love doing that stuff so we got to find something that everybody's into that you know those people would actually watch too and Whenever we come up with that I'm down No one would watch your thing. I Don't care if they watch or not And they would watch it. You're so or not. And they would watch it. You're so negative. They would watch it. I feel like...

A highlight reel of just shooting birds in the air? That's not what it is. I don't know why you think that's what it is. Because that's how you sold it to us. You said it's thousands of birds. That's my favorite part. It's the shooting the birds. So what's the other part that's great for a TV camera?

You're staying in a resort in Argentina. Okay. In South America. There's lots of locals to hang out with. Leave a comment and tell me if you want to see Kyle stay in a luxury resort. Stay in a luxury resort and shoot birds occasionally. It's not a luxury resort either. I mean, it's...

You just said it was. Yeah, but you make it sound like we're staying at Sandals or something. Like everybody else there are like beach goers. You're going out to where like, it's like a ranch really. It's like a ranch house out somewhere where... There'd be cooks, right? Yeah, there'd be cooks. be cooks the cooks and bird boys and some good footage right there well suck a dick you just want someone to pay for your expensive bird vacation suck a dick and me without my rubber gloves that would be great but um well you know ideally yeah i don't think you guys would be the

ones i'd want to take on this trip if i I'm being honest. I just thought it'd be something to interject, and that's what my trip is. Like, yours is the motorcycle thing, mine's the bird thing. I don't think it'd be perfect for this, but it's what I'd like to do. Wow. Wow. I can't even count the number of, like, bug bites or skin red dots that I have on me. And some chicken blood. Yeah, you got some on your temple, too. Do I? Yeah, on that side. red dots that I have on me and some chicken blood.

You got some on your face. You got some on your temple too. Do I? Yeah, on that side. No one told me. Which side, this side? Well after you massacred that chicken, we were all kind of taken aback. Right by your, what's it called, sideburn.

Wow. And you got some on your feet, but I think you got that. I think we need to cut it there and start a new recording. We can only record 30 minutes at a time. All right. We're live, huh? That looks like fried chicken. Does it?

Yeah. Yeah, it does. Colonel would be proud. No, he wouldn't. The Colonel would be. That bootleg chicken. Bootleg chicken cooked in the hills. Oh, it pokes differently. Mm, that's the original recipe.

Got one. Fucking something's smoking me. It's the fire. something's smoking me. It's the fire. It's killing me. Alright, am I in frame? No. Fuck, I gotta stand in the fire to be in frame? I'm moving, I'm moving. I don't know if you can focus this close.

Put the lid on. Okay, let's get it. This is the chicken that we're dealing with. Stinks. What? Chicken stinks. grass on it that was nasty and I was like boiled chicken skin looks really good Oh overcooked but it's definitely chicken that That seems dangerous. That sounds very sheepy, yeah. We have food. Yeah.

That's a nice thing. I haven't really eaten. Muffin man! Come back! Fuck, where's that muffin man when you need him? This feels like Kentucky Fried Chicken. Original or extra crispy? You tell yourself that. Extra crispy.

I swear to God. Like, you want to get some? I'm going to. I'm going to, I figure that will cool off in a minute and it will be easier. Oh yeah, look the inside is cooked. So hot on my hands. We did a thing. Yeah.

That bird was alive at the start of the show. Unfortunately we did a thing. Thank you, Henrietta. My friendship was stronger than my gluttonous, though. Yeah, Chiz's vote was not to kill the chicken. Even Kyle's vote was to not kill the chicken. My vote was also to not kill the chicken. I had three votes. Woody the Chicken Slayer over here.

Number one asshole voted to murder the chicken. He's like, we brought that chicken. Let's do a thing. I'm hungry. How is it? Good. It has to be psychological, but I am already pepping up. What are we going to pour it on again to, let's say this.

Oh, yeah, we're going to pour it on the box, but I don't know. Maybe we don't put it on upside down. I don't know if you're going to put the lid on the ground. Let's see. Huh. Well, I'm not sure what to do. Ah, I have an idea. What's your idea? I'm going to pour out the excess oil and use the lid to keep the chicken from slipping out. That's a bold strategy. Bold strategy, Cotton. I don't like that.

That sounds like you're gonna lose some chicken. I could do it over a box. I'll just put that there. I feel like. You got this box here. That's for fanning the fire. The BO right here is so thick. They're so... Chase has not showered this trip.

No. It's like a locker room exploded in my eyes. Dirty ass creek. Kyle and I are showering every day. If you call that showering, by all means call it showering. That's dirty pond water. All right. So, I brought deodor it shallowing. That's dirty pond water. All right, so I brought deodorant.

Everyone smells pretty ripe. There's a hundred years of science working right now to make sure my pits smell nice. Oh, we got that big box. That'll work. Yeah. I'm really scared. This is my last piece of chicken. I'm just going to pour all this out on this box. All box. I see where you're going there. Do it slowly. I'm pouring the oil

out and saving and keeping the chicken in and using a box so that if I were to miss some if some chicken were to slip out it wouldn't be ruined and it's going quite well. Lost one piece of chicken, alright, no big deal. I'd say that's it. Of course, yeah, yeah. We got this big knife from Battle Box. I think I maybe got this one from Kyle. But we got knives in this, Chiz got one like this from Battle Box. And I kind of feel silly to walk around with it on a daily basis.

You know, it's kind of overkill. It's a lot of knife. But it's appropriate for a trip like this let me see how'd you do Wow you're outstanding oh I got a big piece I'll take it maybe that's why it's so good hook Hook me up. Give me everything. Alright. This is happy. Didn't we have a topic? I've been posting to the subreddit from here. We have that spotty one bar connection.

And I think mostly people like it. They're happy to be kept in touch. Mm-hmm. Oh, is that my favorite knife? This is my knife. Oh, okay. I thought it was the one that Battlebox gave us. I would have happily let you use it.

I wasn't where I was getting it. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Mm-hmm. Only had some honey mustard, right? Mm-hmm. Muffin man. I think I might have... Is this bad? I don't know. Only had some honey mustard, right? Mm-hmm

Muffin man I don't know if it's because I haven't eaten. Oh you're making SpaghettiOs for yourself? You son of a bitch Okay, I accept your terms because I'm hungry as hell Yeah, we went to Walmart and got Patrick a bunch of real people food so he wouldn't have to starve with us. You guys have ended up with better food than I've got now. I'm not happy with that. I'd trade for this ravioli. I'll give you four pieces of chicken for that one can of ravioli. I'm good.

And there will be no rape tonight. No rape? Not tonight. Ah, well... No more rape. We won't step up the rape. Alright. Okay, I got a question. If you couldn't be American, what would be your second best? Canada's pretty good, right? Yeah. And you're right next to America. Yeah. In case any shit goes down.

And they're always going to protect you. Yeah, right? I don't think I got a particularly good piece. Did you try everything? The seasoning? Yeah. What determines a good piece? Very tough.

Yeah, all of them have been kind of tough. What's that? I'm not getting breast meat. Does this taste like KFC or does this taste like... No. What's your equation? It's definitely homemade, right? So, you know, it's eggs, flour, and...

Everything else. Everything else. Pretty tough. You'd have a hard time selling this. But if the people hadn't eaten for four days, they would go like hotcakes. Yeah, maybe. Mine's awfully stringy. Yeah.

Mine's stringy and tough, but not complaining. I'm really hungry. I think I'll come back to this after the show. Really? Really. Yeah. They're all the same. Are they?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're all stringy and tough. Maybe I oversold it. I don't know if you're looking for succulent breast meat or something. Yeah, I was thinking like Zaxby's, eh? Well, that's a shame. Yeah, I'm...

A little blood in mine too. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I'm... A little blood in mine too. Oh yeah? Mom don't eat that. So you'd be Canadian? Yeah, Canadian's the way to go. That's the answer. I mean there's a couple of those...

Nordicas, you know. Yeah, there's a few of those countries over there that seem like they've got like the clean energy thing figured out and such. You know, they've got a whole... they're running like 30% of their powers coming from like geothermal or something, all that stuff. Like, one of those places might be cool. Isn't there one European country that's good with guns, like Finland or something? Yeah, that sounds right. Doesn't one have... a couple of them have living wages too, don't they? Yeah, Sweden and that area have very high wages. Everything is drug-intested.

That sounds pretty nice. So, I don't know, is there... I took the big piece. Do you want to split it? Want some of it? Okay. Canada works, though. Canada works though. Canada's pretty good. It's hard to think of a country that beats Canada.

Especially if I'm being banished to that country. Like if they're like, get the fuck out of here. And then like Canada's easy, I can just drive. It's a little chilly. Maybe go to Vancouver or something where I'm told it doesn't get that cold. Yeah. And they speak English as opposed to the other province.

Yeah, you don't want to go to that French part of Canada. Like, that's worse than Ireland, to be honest. It is. Even the other Canadians are like, what the fuck is wrong with French Canada? French Canadian. Poor Henrietta. Thank you, Henrietta.

Thank you, Henrietta, indeed. For the bounties of your titties. I missed having her on my foot. Yeah. I'll get you another chicken if you want. It's not the same. You can't do that. She was special.

You know it. She did seem special. She was overly friendly. Yeah, talk about that. The chicken was overly friendly. More so than I've ever seen a chicken be. It was, it would, usually they're kind of skittish. Like, they're not used to people being around them. They usually like run away from you. There was another chicken when I went to get the chicken.

There was another chicken and it ran from me and like climbed up a really steep hill into some bushes and I started climbing like to pursue it and it was like, no, I'm just going to keep going and kept going like up in the shit I couldn't even follow through. But that chicken was just kind of hanging out and let me walk up right to her and pick her up and since she's been like three on the camp, she was um she came up to you and asked for water yeah yeah i came up and asked for water uh and i poured i poured it in a little cup and she you know chicken the way they drink they like dip their beak they get the water in their mouth and they dip then they turn their head backwards so they can actually like swallow it no it's a

cute chicken i enjoyed having it around i didn't i didn't want to kill the chicken, but I didn't know what else to do. I liked her when she was alive, but I'm really fond of her now. Yeah, yeah. She wasn't as tasty alive. I licked her a couple times last night when y'all were asleep. You watched her? Licked her. I was trying to get some flavor. I thought you said you raped her. No, that was you. Well, if you look at the diameter of the egg.

Not by the food! Not on the top of the fucking chicken pot. I mean. Seriously. Just a little got in there. What do you mean seriously? When you spray it, it goes and falls down. I mean, a minuscule amount of,

now there won't be any bugs on the chicken. Look at the bright side. And you look at me like I'm stupid sometimes. Like, I poison over chicken. I don't think it could be that poisonous if we're spraying it on the stuff. I'm going to tell you if it tastes like bug spray. That stuff makes my lips go numb, so I'll tell you if it's on there. Really, maybe the kitchen's not the right place. I don't know. so I'll tell you if it's on there.

I really maybe that the kitchen's not the right place. Oh, if you're done, you're done. We'll let it drop. I don't think it's a big deal. I mean, normally I don't think things are big deals, but you did spray it right over the pot. I mean, a little might've gotten in there. Could have been much. You got four minutes over there?

All right. You want to cut here and do next topic? I was going to ask Chiz, like, which of your vices did you miss the most on this thing? Like obviously the shower was something you missed. That's not a vice, that's just a necessity. I know, that's why I was prefacing. But you also, you know, you like your coffee, you like your smokes. Coffee. I didn't miss a smoke at all.

Every time I looked over he had like 30 cigarette butts at his feet. Well, I mean, we were trying to put it on that rain slicker but you made a big fuss out of it. Like we were trying to keep the campsite clean. We had a place to put our trash. Coffee. Chase is four and a half feet from a fire and he can't throw the cigarette butts toward them.

He's got to litter the campsite. There's not always a fire going. That's the fireplace. Not always a fire going. So how badly did you miss the coffee? Pretty bad. Because that stuff we got doesn't count. No. No. It tastes like dirt.

You were getting headaches, right? From the caffeine? Uh huh. Yeah. That's why I'm not happy. I didn't, I got a headache last night. It was pretty bad. And I think I was just overheated. And I cracked that thing in the first aid kit that was like a cool pack and stuck it on the back of my neck. I felt a lot better after that. My headache instantly went away.

Not drinking enough can cause that too. Yeah, I feel like I've been doing pretty good about that. I've been drinking a couple liters a day. Well. And I don't know, in the middle of the day, I try not to do anything. Like yesterday, Woody and Patrick went and charged all the batteries up, which takes a long time because we've got lots of capacity.

It was tough work. Back me up, Patrick. They were six hours of just charging and sitting and air conditioning. I was exhausted after all that charging. It had to be 70 degrees in that car. 70, maybe 72. So Chiz and I were back here, and we just kind of laid down to try to not sweat as much as we could. And it didn't go well like um these things are like

a synthetic material but mine was soaked in sweat um it just drips off of you here the the issue for those who don't know like why humidity makes things worse your body can't evaporate the sweat off of it and that evaporation normally cools you. It can't cool off, yeah. And we never get that. It's 90 today. Today's pretty hot. No, the question was are you done forever? I'm not going to say forever. Yeah, when he's 37, he might want one.

I don't know where I'm going to be. Kyle's not forever. A lot of people aren't forever. Doesn't mean I'm going to pick up a habit again, though. Well, you better not let Jackie catch you smoking one, because I don't think that'll go too well. I said I wasn't going to. She'd be on you like a... Like white on rice. Like Woody on a chicken.

Ineffective and brutal. What's I going to say? I don't know. It's just the people who want the best for you want to see you stop smoking. Right. I was telling you. He's like, your body's an engine. But he also isn't getting on me because he understands. Your air filter's clogged. I totally understand. He also understands where I'm coming you, he's like your body's an engine. But he also isn't getting on me because he understands.

Your air filter's clogged. I totally understand. He also understands where I'm coming from too. It's easy to point the finger when you've never done it too. It's like well why don't you quit now? Why don't you quit now as opposed to three days later? It's about getting your mind right. And you can't do that with cigarettes in your pocket.

You need to get some closure with the habit, and part of that is finishing the last pack. But I'm not even hearing that. Like, I'm kicking it. I think he misinterpreted what he was saying. No, that doesn't... You said, are you done forever? I didn't actually say that.

It was someone else. Well, whoever said it. The question was posed forever, and I said no, not forever. I'm not going to say I'm not going to do anything ever again forever, regardless if it was cigarettes or anything. You know, can you name anything you'd swear off doing forever? Oh, by the way, I should be ready to swear off survival trips. That is definitely on the forever. I should probably mention, I bet there's people who are watching this right now who think that I think that this is how hammocks are set up.

And they're like he's comfortable like that like we we wanted to get together the three of us so that we could kind of all be on camera at once so we just kind of jerry-rigged one up here that it's incredibly uncomfortable I know how to set up a hammock I know how it works you know I think we all do so that's the deal there mm-hmm but yeah I understand the thing with the cigarettes like you got to get some it's enclosure with the habit and part of that's the deal there. But, yeah, I understand the thing with the cigarettes. Like, you got to get some closure with the habit. And part of that's finishing off that last pack.

And I'm sure Chiz will do well once he gets to North Carolina. As anyone looking from the outside, like, the best time to quit smoking is 15 years ago. The second best time is right now. If someone told you, like, oh, I'm going to die soon. So, before I die, I'm getting all the cakes and cookies and muffins that I can, and I'm going to load up and go nuts on the calories. But that's not what he's doing. He's saying, I got this box of donuts here.

I'm not chain smoking. I'm going to finish off these donuts. No, I'm not. I had three packs with me, and I spread them out over the course of five days. Yeah. That's not chain smoking. Five days? Since, what day did we get here?

We got here Monday, but Sunday at the hotel. So, Sunday to today. Yeah, he didn't really chain smoke. It's when you're lighting one off the other and going right back to back. I-back I mean he smokes good. There were some of those moments. He's for sure Yeah, everyone's gonna have some of those moments. Okay, but there's a difference No one complains when you're snorting coke at night Woody Come on man, let's do a rail and we're all just like no what are your two hardcore slow it down I was like, no, Woody, you're too hardcore. Slow it down.

Well, now that you put it in those terms, I can start to understand. That smoke is going right in my fucking face. Yeah, I can't hear you. Join the club. So, yeah, I'm glad we did this thing, I think. It's definitely a good experience. These are memories, for sure. I'll tell people about this silliness later on down the road I'm sure, but I don't think I want to do another one.

Not like this. Not any more hardcore than this and not any easier than this. It's not this at all. Oh, that's hard. Yeah. The first one when Woody and I went up to Uari, I was so excited about it and like jacked up and like, you know, we were, I was on the internet learning stuff and reading up on it for weeks ahead of time. I worked out a ton. And this time I just didn't have the same drive,

the same fire behind the trip. I was like, all right, well, you know, let's go do it and we'll get it over with. And that's what we've done. And it and we'll get it over with and uh and that's what we've done and tomorrow we will have gotten it over with and i'm psyched about that so happy uh i got up this morning at what seven something like that yeah i got this more like seven and went and got our ingredients and got back by uh by nine i think i'm gonna do the same thing in the morning so that i can get all my shit together and yep i'll be up yeah I love I found a better way out of here too I I know I've told you guys but for the viewers like it's hard to get back here if you watch the first episode of this thing it's probably the first episode the trek in you'll see

that like we went through a really really rough area to get back here and uh i think this time around i've now that i've trekked back and forth to the truck i've done it once every day some a couple times twice i think i figured it out now so i'll be able to get us out a lot easier than i got us in and uh i'll follow you in the morning, we'll get out of here and get back to my house, take a shower, and then look for some food. It'll be nice. It'll be awesome. I'm so surprised we haven't seen any animals. It's not just that we haven't seen the squirrel that I expected. Mm-hmm.

I haven't seen a rabbit. I haven't seen a possum, a raccoon, a deer, a pig. Every so often, I think I've heard something. I think I spent more time fishing. And so I'll be out there over there by myself. I definitely saw a thing move last night. 100% sure. Could have been a turtle. You know how they stay a foot from the riverbank?

There's a family of beavers living right here. Yeah, well, I haven't seen them, but clearly we've seen their activity. But I just, I have never seen anything that I could point a gun at. Huh. Yeah, I haven't either. I don't know what the deal is, because when I was driving around back here, I saw so much stuff. Paid a hundred bucks for that hunting license. Yeah, I paid 75. At least mine's useful for the rest of the year. Mine too.

Yeah. In Georgia. Mm-hmm. Come on back. We'll not kill something again. Yeah, maybe we'll do a hunting trip. That'd be fun. I like hunting.

I really enjoy it. It usually goes a lot better than it has been on these things. Usually when we go hunting we have a great time, kill a bunch of stuff. Our belts are all getting loose. It's all good. Look at that enormous caterpillar crawling toward the hatchet. I see it. I bet that one's one of the poisonous ones that would sting you. Yes I have no talent at discovering, figuring out

what I can eat and what I can't. Henrietta would have got that son of a bitch. She'd have tore him to shreds. Yeah. Henrietta. She'd have taken down bugs twice his size. Have you really? Have you seen her taking out caterpillars and stuff?

Yeah. Big fucking bugs. I definitely saw her poking at things, but I didn't see her. She tore them apart. She would sleep like under Chiz. Yeah. Mm-hmm. When he was sitting over there, she'd be over there, and when he got over here, she'd be

over here. She'd stick right with Chiz, because I think she spent more time with Chiz because I was out a lot. My spirit animal. Yeah. I think Chiz's spirit animal is a factory farm chicken. And now she's inside of me. It makes a lot of sense.

They're very sedentary creatures. You know, they sit around. They just kind of do their own thing. I think I heard her chirping about the stock market before I got here. Capital gains. Oh, so we drove out here on sunday chiz and i and then by monday there was an escaped rapist murderer like a mile from our house the police told everyone like not to leave and stuff like that my wife she runs in the morning around the like across some of our driveways. And she makes this loop.

And she and Hope didn't want to go outside because the police were telling people to stay indoors. He raped a 15-year-old girl, murdered a guy, and attempted to murder another guy all in like a night. And she was real scared. I thought she'd be a little better with a gun on her hip, you know, cause we're Americans, but she seemed to be like, I'll leave it in the safe and just grab it if I need it. Like, I don't know.

Yeah. Every time, that's happened in my area a couple of times, you know, like an escaped convict or something, you know, a guy on the loose and the cops are looking for him. And one time it was really close to our area. This place? Yeah, the police came to our house and they were like, have you seen this guy? Have you seen anything suspicious?

Like he's in this area on foot in the woods. You know, his car, he was driving from North Carolina trying to escape to Georgia. He had murdered his girlfriend and I think maybe her mother and sister because they were present during the the whole like meltdown or whatever happened mm-hmm and his car rent broke down or he ran out of gas and cash what whichever a quarter of a mile from my parents house and the cars just parked there so my dad being him he joined a posse they got a posse together yeah and you know he's got his shotgun and they're going through the woods looking for this guy,

and somebody yells, he's in the woods. Someone spots him. So now Dad's, like, jogging, like, looking for this guy. Later he was like, that's pretty fun. We were hunting that fella. Like the old days in Georgia. Yeah, yeah, we hadn't hunted a black man in years. in Georgia. Yeah, yeah, we hadn't hunted a black man in years. But yeah, it happens every now and then. It is scary. I would definitely want a gun on me. I wish I was home. You wish

you were home? Well, I would have, you know, I would have, our place would have been safe. I'll tell you that. Yeah, you get up on the roof with your.223 with a scope on it. That sounds like a good plan. Bring it! This is what we train for! You always wing him at first. Shoot him in the knee. We're awful.

People see Americans and we talk like this. They think we're just... It's probably a good thing that we have this reputation. Don't you think? Fuck yeah. If you invade America, oh my God, you are so fucked. We really... We all got guns and we all daydream of this shit.

You're so fucked. Yeah, like I'd love for a scenario to come up where I have to, you know, I have someone coming after me in that kind of way. Like a bad guy. Like not just someone who has a difference of opinion. But a bad guy like that. Like that guy's evil, right? He raped that 15-year-old girl.

15-year-old? Murdered those other two people. And one of those people you were saying, they called him Mr. Pond. He ran a pond shop there in your area and was like a beloved member of the community. There's a whole like vigil outside, people dropping flowers off and stuff. Customers are like, you know, the guy's like, I wish I could have taken that bullet for him. Yeah. People are dropping flowers, leaving notes, you know.

And I know people like that in my community, so I can understand. So fuck that piece of trash. Mr. Pond. It's a real shitty son of a bitch. He had been in and out of prison, hadn't been out that long. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, the guy was full on terrible.

Like, there are evil people. I think people don't think like that in those terms anymore, in terms of good and evil, because there's so much ambiguity in that regard. But there are evil people out there, and this guy was one of them. Yeah. He still is. I hope he's getting something bad's happening to him. Raped.

Yeah. I'd be okay with a good raping. Yeah. Who wouldn't? He gets out of prison anyway, right? That's what they say. I don't know how prevalent that is. Right? I feel like there's guys in there

who are, like, wanting to get fucked. I'm sure there are. So, like, I think if I'm gonna, if I'm looking for some man love in prison, and I'm Big Bubba,

you know, the guy you fear, I could find me a girlfriend, I feel like. Yeah. Like, I don't have to force some guy who doesn't want it, who's probably not good at it. I want to find the guy over there

who's like, yeah, sugar, I'm gonna back up on that thing. Like, that's probably not good at it. I wanna find the guy over there who's like, yeah, sugar, I'm gonna back up on that thing. Like, that's what you really want, right? I mean, I don't think everybody wants, gets off on the actual forced sex thing. On mean rape, yeah. You know, these guys aren't all like, evil. Some of them are in there for marijuana charges,

and I don't know, not paying child support. Those are all the girlfriends. Those are the girlfriends? That's how that works out, yeah. The support. Those are all the girlfriends. Those are the girlfriends? That's how that works out, yeah. The non-violent ones are the bitches. The tax evasion boys. Yeah, I'm not sure how prevalent the whole, like, rape thing is in prison. Because I just feel like there's, if you want it, there's people who are willing to give it.

Right. I just, I knew some prison prison guards and they seemed to imply that the rape thing pretty much like it was one of the ways the guards punished the other prisoners well that's just awful some really really bad people you were hanging out with i hope that's not the norm i hope that you just had awful awful people in that class with you because that's awful he painted one of his fingernails i thought that was the weirdest thing about him. Interesting. No, that definitely wasn't the weirdest thing about him.

No signal. I don't know what happened. You got a phone call. Well, I mean... It stopped, though. It stopped quickly. I might have lost signal or something. I mean... It stopped, though. It stopped quickly. I might have lost signal or something. I'm sure it was the president. It's an emergency.

Fucking sun. Wow. I don't know this number. Cooler for beer. Oh, but I have voicemails. What's today's date? No, these are voicemails from last week. Today's the third. You never check that thing.

I do, I do now. Oh, you do? Yeah. I remember I left you one one time and it was like five minutes long or something like that. And I was like, did you get my voicemails? And he was like, oh, I never check those. What the fuck? I told you a story. I probably never got that one. Yeah, I think when I got this phone actually,

I was able to set up my voicemail again, and now I am a regular person. I don't have mine. I don't have a voicemail, period. I don't want them to leave me a voicemail. I'd rather have them send me a text, it'll be more concise and to the point. And if it's a phone call situation,

then I want it to actually happen. I just don't care for voicemail. It's a little old school, I'll admit. And if it's some jerk that's just somehow gotten my phone number and is gonna bug me or prank me in some way. He doesn't even need the positive confirmation that he got it right here.

Yeah, yeah. Exactly, I just ignore any number I don't know and then that way, He doesn't even need the positive confirmation that he got it right here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I just ignore any number I don't know and then that way, and then there's no voicemails for him to leave or anything like that to bug me. So it works out nicely. My phone has a feature, maybe they all do, although I heard an app advertised the other day that does this and I was like, my phone just does that.

It allows you to put a delay on text message so if you send a message it'll stay gray for anywhere from three seconds to a minute and you can you can cancel it during that time period that you've set so if you're one of those people who's like impulsive and mmm and likes you know all right well fuck you too bitch oh shit wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute or like maybe you know I still love you or when you send that dick when you send that dick pic to your grandma you know you can quickly cancel that out but yeah my phone has that I activated the other day I put a five second thing on there just in case I send the wrong thing to

the wrong person I guess I like that a lot that's pretty nifty yeah this is not comfy it's really not It's really not. It's really not. I am fed for the first time in a long time. After the show, I'm going to go down there, take a bath, lay in a hammock, and maybe move that dead chicken carcass from under my hammock spot. I'll move the chicken carcass. Maybe throw it in the fire.

That's not what we'll do. It'll stink real bad, like burning hair. It'll smell delicious. I've seen those poultry houses burn down before with 20,000 birds in them, about the size of Henrietta. Uh-huh. And the roofs are all tin, and the part that holds it, and then there's just trusses and then a two-by-six wall sitting on concrete.

You know what I do get those forest fire helicopters to drop canola oil on the chickens so when the building burnt down the tin roof just drops on top of the chickens and it baked them and when they peeled it back there were 20,000 rotisserie looking chickens out there they all looked like perfectly golden brown, side by side, and a solid wall of dead flesh, as far as you could see. Did people eat them, or?

Then day two came. And it smelled putrid. It smelled like, I don't know, rotting flesh on a scale I'd never smelled it before. Sounds like a job for that John Deere. It was a job for several John Deeres. They got excavators, they dug a massive hole, and then

they got bulldozers and they pushed the building, all the equipment that was in it, and all the dead birds into that hole and just covered it all up. Yep, and that's what you do. Fucking disaster. So what are you going to eat when we get out of here, Woody? What's the meal? Probably filet mignon if we go to Outback.

Outback. I don't think Outback's going to work. How's it not going to work? I think we're going to get out of here slower than you think. How do you say that? So Outback doesn't open until 4 p.m. What is your timeline? Go. I wake up at like 9-ish or something because that's when I've been getting up.

We pack up, camp, and everything, and we're not walking out of here until 10ish. We get back to the cars, or the trucks actually, because we're men, at 10.30ish. It might take two trips. Bullshit. None of this is happening. So at 7.30 and 8am, me and Kyle will have taken our pre-packed stuff and gone to the trucks. One trip. The only thing that keeps me and Chiz from leaving you two here is that I want to,

is that I feel like there may be some filming responsibilities. Like. And then, so we'll go back to the trucks. That'll be like 11-ish, 10-30-ish. And then we go to Kyle's place and we bathe. Yeah. For four hours. Nah, you know, but Kyle's place is, how far are you from here?

30 minutes? 45. 45 minutes. All right. So 45 minutes, I'll round that up to an hour just because whatever, we buy gas or something. That takes us to noon. We bathe. I don't think all of us finish showering, all four of us, until 1.

And then how far is Outback? I feel like we have free food. 25 minutes. So we're going to 1.30 just at full speed. That's full speed? That is not full speed. All right, let me lay it out for you. Kyle, give out the real breakdown. Here's what Kyle's gonna do in the morning and

everyone else can just do their own thing if they'd like. I'm gonna have my shit already packed. Everything except for my hammock tonight. I'll get up at like 730, 8 in the morning. I'll have that hammock packed up in about 30 seconds. I'll throw any of my remaining trash into the fire, make sure it gets burned up. I guess I'll pour some water on the ashes, just make sure it's good and dead. And then I'm going to start walking out of here, which is, I'll be at my car. I was at my car this morning at eight. I'll be at the car at eight. I'll be home before nine and I'll be out of the shower in 10 minutes. I don't plan on gorging with food after this trip. home before 9 and I'll be out of the shower in 10 minutes.

I don't plan on gorging with food after this trip. I don't plan on gorging but I want something tasty. Just want a meal. My sexy level has gone up by maybe 4% at this point. Yeah, you definitely, we've all slimmed down. We really have. And, but you know, I was looking to get that to like 8% or so. So after this trip, just keep on being healthy. I lost eight or

nine pounds before the trip. I probably lost seven on the trip. And some of those will bounce right back, I'm sure. But by and large, we want to keep the trend going in the right direction. Yeah, yeah, definitely so. Well, you know, we'll weigh ourselves whenever we get out of here and we'll find out what we lost. Yeah, I'm curious about that. But yeah, I don't think Outback's going to work. There's a few things that are open at lunchtime, like regular places. I think Longhorns is. Oh yeah, Longhorns would be. All right, let's go there.

I think Longhorns will be and Sonny's Barbecue. I don't know if you're familiar with it, but it's good barbecue. It really is. I don't know if I want barbecue, though. I'd pick Longhorns over that. I would, too. And then there's a Five Guys, and then it kind of goes downhill from there, I suppose. Settle pick Longhorns over that. I would too. And then there's a Five Guys and then it kind of goes downhill from there I suppose. Settle on Longhorns.

Yeah so that's gonna I'm looking forward to that big time. What? Good plan Kyle. Thanks Chiz. Me and Chiz are gonna leave you two motherfuckers here. I swear. Y'all gotta get up and get going. I'm packing tonight. Yeah I'm like I'm more than happy to carry anything and everything, but I'm making one trip. Okay, you can get my backpack. I don't mind. I don't mind at all. It just needs to be packed in the morning when I leave. I'll carry my backpack.

I think we've got enough. We've just used up a bunch of stuff, and those battle boxes were awkward to carry in. They were, yeah, yeah. We've consolidated those. They came in. There's all this packaging and stuff. battle boxes were awkward to carry in. They were, yeah yeah. We've consolidated those. They came in, there's like all this packaging stuff, that'll all be burnt and gone. And um, I don't know, we'll carry Patrick's food back out of here, I don't like wasting food. Yeah yeah yeah.

Um, and uh, and yeah that's it, like I gotta figure out how to get my sleeping bag back in its uh, thing. Right. Cause like I don't know how. I'm fucking awesome at that. That big sleeping bag was crammed into a pill-sized thing this big. And when I finally got it undone, it was like, fuck.

You don't just fold it in half and roll it up real tight, right? This one's a little different, I feel like. It's got straps that compress it. And we'll figure it out. But yeah, I'm getting out of here early. I just want to get in that shower and get pointed toward the food.

Maybe we have breakfast, do something, and then have lunch. Well, we want to shower. It might not be breakfast time. Is there a brunch? We'll see. We'll see. If we go by car schedule, there will be brunch. We'll see how it goes. We'll see. Yeah, we'll see. If we go by car schedule, there will be brunch.

We'll see how it goes, you know. We'll see how it goes. But, yeah, I want to get out here early and get to the shower. So, we'll make that happen tomorrow. That'll be good. Well, we made it four days. I think we're a lock for making it five, especially with Henrietta's contribution to the trip. Yeah, we just got to fall asleep now.

Poor Henrietta. Yeah. I trip. Yeah, we just gotta fall asleep now. Poor Henrietta. Yeah. I wish I had some Ambien. I'd pop three of those fuckers, wake up in the morning right now. Ambien's like time travel if you just don't give a fuck. Back to the future, motherfuckers! I've never had Ambien. Really?

Really. It's not a druggy, groggy kind of sleep where you don't feel like you've got good sleep. Like, Tylenol PM for me, I wake up sometimes and I'm just like, oh, I feel kind of hungover and funky. Like, I'm not going to be right until noon. But with Ambien, you wake up and you're like, wow. I think every minute of last night was a minute of pure rest and relaxation and just recharge mode. There was no waking up and tossing and turning. There was no crappy sleep where you're kind of half in there and if a pin were to drop

you'd wake up. You're dead asleep and you're just out. We take melatonin in my family, which is much more mild. The impact that that had, this is what it does you take melatonin and starting like 15 minutes later it makes a window of like 30 minutes in which you are really tired and can easily fall asleep so if you're restless or whatever you can fight through it if you're dumb and i've been dumb but you can be like oh i'm tired but i'm watching netflix and i'm engaged or something and yeah 30 minutes later the drugs drug's effect is over.

All it does is help you fall asleep. I used to take valerian root for the same thing. It's very similar. Okay. Yeah. Just 15 minutes later, there'll be a window where you can fall asleep. All right. And that's the whole impact of it.

I've heard if, like, you're woken in the middle of an Ambien sleep, you're a druggie, sleepwalking, crazy person. Oh, my God. It's so bad. Okay. So I need two Ambien sleep. You're a druggie, sleepwalking, crazy person. Worse. Oh my God. It's so bad. Okay. So, um, so I need two Ambien. It takes two to like get me through the night. Like one won't do it. And it's not because I've like abused it or anything. I've only taken Ambien maybe a handful of times, but two of them is what it takes to get me through the night. One, I will sometimes wake up in the night and stumble to the bathroom to take a piss. Like, it's the, you have the same motor skills as a guy who's wasted, completely wasted, have weird memories, weird, like, experiences. Like, you mentioned that 30-minute window with the melatonin or whatever where, like, you can go to sleep.

There's a 30-minute window where if you're still awake on the Ambien you're just like hallucinating almost you're you're high it's uh it's interesting but if you want to get sleep and you have a trouble with that there's there's nothing better is that a show it's gonna be one of surest ones in a long time, but I think they'll understand. What do you think, Taylor? Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Taylor is out hunting.

Oh, thanks again to our sponsors, Squarespace and BattleBox. If you're into survival and things like that, BattleBox turns every month into Christmas. They'll deliver knives and fire starters and... All kinds of stuff! ...fairness gear. And they're not cheap knives either.

There's cool knives in there. There's a Spyderco, two Kershaws. They sent good quality stuff and interesting stuff I hadn't really seen before as far as survival-esque gear. Cool shit. You might think a hammock like this is cheaty, but it's probably been one of the most essential pieces of gear. Totally.

On the trip. It's really, it makes your life better. Hammocks are huge. So, yeah, thanks to them. Check them out. Link's in the description. And I guess that's the show. PKA Episode 2.

574. Cut.