Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #260
Episode Date: December 18, 2015This week on PKA, Kwebbelkop comes back on and the guys discuss transsexual hookers, pot brownie stories, pranksters exposed and reacting to an awful music video live on the show....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Alright, alright, now we're live.
We had episode 260.
Dude, I saw it!
260 is significant for a couple of reasons.
It's five years of shows.
That's kind of a big round number.
But it's not really five years of shows because we missed a couple here or there.
We'd probably be at, I don't know, 267 or something if we never missed a show.
Higher, you think yeah i think
so okay um i'm not i'm sure someone has the exact number uh by the way this episode is being brought
to you by me undies.com who are changing up the underwear game like no one else check them out in
the description they are my favorite sponsor of ours and i'm wearing some right now you say that
you wear these after you wash them every time,
but then inexplicably, every single Thursday,
you're wearing one of your two pairs
of MeUndies. I do lots of laundry here.
There's a load every day.
Always going. So I make sure
these get right back into the system,
back in my fucking drawer, and every time I
slide it open, they're waiting for me.
How many days a week are you wearing MeUndies?
I only have two pair, though.
Just saying. Every episode, Kyle tries to get free underwear.
And I'm just saying, my girlfriend,
she needs a pair of me undies.
She'd look great.
You guys should know. I'd be happy to do
some butt modeling and show off
her panties. It would behoove you
to send my girlfriend some panties.
Send me some. I'll do some butt modeling.
There you go.
I mean, you're always spazzing out about how great it is.
You're wearing it five days a week, I bet.
Constantly with your MeUndies.
Well, you know, there's the forwards, backwards, inside-out forwards,
and inside-out backwards.
No, I don't do that.
It's a real homeless maneuver.
It's a piece of shit thing to do.
Anyway, we've got Jordy here with us.
Yes.
Hello.
Again.
Very carefully coordinated, your hoodie and your mic.
Yes.
Looking good.
I actually only wear my own merch.
That's how much I believe in the product, you know?
Nice.
Great.
Everybody's always like, dude, you always wear the same t-shirt.
I'm like, yeah, but I got like 20 pairs of these.
You're like Superman. Every time you reach in the closet, you got the same thing.
Pretty much.
That's how Kyle was for a while, too.
PKA is getting into the merch game.
Taylor's been working
his buns off doing that sort of thing.
Yep. So we're going to be
delving deep into it.
A red t-shirt?
Well, that's just the beginning, Jordy.
We're going to have cars,
planes. Exactly.
Yeah, just phrases from the show,
funny jokes, offensive things.
Just trying to toe that line
between funny and
just grotesque and gross.
This is a great shirt with
a picture of Woody
saying, I like pussy on it with a pussy know picture of woody saying you know i like pussy
on it with a pussy on there but it's not going to actually work because no one will wear that to
thanksgiving or christmas or you shouldn't you shouldn't wear shirts like that to christmas do
you ever do you have a cousin who's like like going through an angsty phase ever and they show
up to your christmas things with like horribly offensive shirts when he plays it yeah i was like like what's that
charlie yeah i i had a cousin who wore this was a couple years ago so he was he's like five years
younger than me and so he was in the middle of his like rebellious stage and at thanksgiving
everybody has like decently nice clothes on like it's not like we went to church or anything for
it but like you dress up a little bit.
You look okay, not shitty.
And he just had a like fuck the establishment shirt on
or like it said like anarchy.
It was just like, oh, Jesus Christ, dude.
Like and you look at it and you know in his head, he's like, yeah,
they're all looking at me thinking, man, what's his deal?
What's he know that we don't?
And everybody's looking at him like, oh, you're making my teeth hurt. I'm cringing so hard
at what you're doing.
We got a special
run of merch coming. I don't know if we're ready
to announce what it is yet.
Yeah, I want to know.
Alright, we're doing a knife.
Calm down over there.
We're doing a knife. I'm pretty excited about it.
It'll be engraved. I think we're going to target
PKA, like the font
that we have and the pill, engraved
onto the knife. It's a little late
for Christmas. I don't want to promise
that. I think we're going to miss it. But
the bigger gift-giving holiday
is really Martin Luther King Day.
We discussed this, yeah, on PKN.
Right around the corner.
MLK Black Lives Matter knife.
Special edition.
Cut out racism.
There's a
Black Panther engraved on the blade.
Who's that?
There's a Kill Whitey emblem that you can get.
That's extra.
We're going to pick out a knife. We're going to use CRKT, I think.
I think we've settled on them, it seems.
We're not exactly sure which knife
and exactly what the price
of it is going to be, but we're down to
one or two. I like the one that
you've got there, Woody, so maybe that one.
I like that one a lot.
The smaller one?
Yeah.
The one with the aluminum handle
that we were talking about that's like $50 or so
or $50, $60, something like that.
Yeah, $60 or 60 or 70 i think it
might have been 60 i'm not sure but uh four weeks though that's four weeks out before we can get
those yeah so it's anyway i'm super excited about that and it's something i think i'll keep in my
pocket every day like literally in real life so that's that's kind of cool yeah i think we're
gonna do like a limited run of them or or something that. So if you're in the market for a nice piece of PKA swag or just a pocket knife,
we're going to do something cool.
I think this will be neat.
Maybe we'll do more things like this if it's successful.
Yeah.
Every now and then.
Dude, I didn't finish the 260 thing.
So today is the episode where Merker overtakes Lefty with his 86th appearance.
Really?
Really.
And it's the one-year anniversary of Lefty with his 86th appearance. Really? And it's the one year anniversary of
Lefty's disappearance.
I love that that happened.
And that's it.
I got that from the subreddit. They put that together.
Wow. Time flies.
You know?
Man, 86 episodes. Does that from the subreddit. They put that together. Wow. Time flies, you know. I don't...
Man, 86 episodes.
Does that include the ones where I was a guest?
I didn't put the numbers together myself, but I'm thinking yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
I was a guest a lot before I ever became a host.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm liking how Jordy's coming on more often now.
I like having you on, man.
Thank you, thank you.
It's my second appearance, and thank you it's my uh my second
appearance and this time it's actually a bit more on time for me so yeah it's uh it's 12 20 last
time it was like three wins we started it was ridiculous i remember that you were such a trooper
yeah every yeah no like uh i was like you know like i'm not gonna say no to this pka
you know because it was like two months in advance and then um i went to bed and i woke up
and then it went on the show and i went to bed again and then i can't remember what happened
anymore dude i am honored by that kind of thing like it really like i really appreciate that and
like others i remember i used to do their minecraft live streams this is before woody craft or anything like i just do it on the xbox for like eight hours and like swedish guys
would be like woody the sun's coming up here and i'm still watching it's like no way really i don't
know why yeah but like like that's i don't know. It's really cool to me when someone does that. So anyway, thanks so much.
This is really neat.
Yeah, but for the PKA merch,
do you guys have any ideas of what you would like
other than just t-shirts, mugs, hats, shit like that?
Underwear.
Oh no, that's kind of competing with us as well.
Maybe a collaboration with them?
Yeah, yeah, that's what they want.
They want PKA emblazoned across
you know the lines of your cockhead and they're you know what i do like that's what i want
what we were talking about with um i think i want to give credit where it's due i think maybe chiz
came up with the initial idea of maybe doing like because it's you know politics the campaign
season's coming up even though we're a year out,
like doing sort of election poster style shirts
for each of us.
And so it'd be like, you know,
our faces, Obama eyes, you know,
like his posters used to be,
and they would say hope or change or something.
But it'd be like a one word slogan for each of us.
And I like that shirt idea a lot i think that
would be funny they all tried to give me shitty slogans i i did not interject any hey i heard i
thought their slogans were shitty too yeah they were like rape pedophile taylor's was vape
what sums taylor up one word vape yeah and it was, he said it should be,
Chiz was coming up with ones that didn't make any sense.
I was either vape, which is really insulting
to just narrow me down to that small hobby,
or hate, which is also kind of condescending.
Like, oh, you know that guy
who's got to be contrarian all the time?
You know what?
You might not like it,
but what would be funny is if yours said,
whoo, right?
And then it worked on kind of two levels.
Like there's the who
and then the al thing.
That's good.
I like that.
Mine's just going to say guns, of course.
Mine's going to say gigabit.
That would totally be my platform.
I swear to God,
if we had a guy running for president
that was like, you know what?
I'm the gigabit fiber president.
There's going to be so much optical cable laid during my years
that everyone here is going to just be downloading porn
at rates they've never seen before.
I'd become a single-issue voter.
That's a good stance.
A lot of people are going to be in favor,
but a lot of those are people who can't vote,
so that's not great.
I liked the one I thought of for you.
It was two words where it would be like hope, change, like Obama used to do that.
Yours is going to be bipartisan, bi-curious.
Jesus Christ.
I like that one, actually.
It kind of works for me, too.
Kyle's got to be something better than guns.
I was talking to him about getting
a diploma. Part of your campaign should be lowering
not only the voting age to 13,
but also the age of consent.
I want to get kids in the polling booth,
kids in my bed, kids everywhere.
Make it legal. Yeah, that'd be good.
Woody's first thing he would do in office is be one of those scumbags who shroud bad legislature
in something where it's called the Anti-Child Rape Act,
but really it's got internet limiting things.
Woody's would be like, consent to vote.
And it would just be about letting young kids into his bed.
Right.
It'd just be like consent to choose.
And we can talk about the voting all the time,
but it's really about the sex.
Are you pro-consent or anti-consent?
And I had an idea for one that said Uncle Kyle's tranny service.
I'm getting that one worked on right now.
Domestic, foreign, and and exotic tranny serviced here
uh and like do it in the style of an auto body repair shop so maybe a picture you know like
i don't know exactly that's a cool idea that's i liked the shirts like that like the the rugged
looking like like i like those shirts that says like stevie's automotive and lube even though
stevie's automotive and lube doesn't exist it's just a shirt like i like stuff
like that and like outdoorsy looking things i have one going for woody where it's like take a walk
on my happy trail or down my happy trail or something like that uh where it's going to be
the woods on there but yeah i'm excited for it it's going to shape up to be pretty good
hopefully we can get and we're doing the high quality stuff i uh yeah like if you go back to 2012 every youtuber chose
like the cheapest materials and stuff and uh i don't like that idea yeah i the whole gamut is
available but i have it like explicitly listed in there when they get the descriptions fixed of like
this is the standard shirt that's why it's cheaper it's not going to be fitted so like you know those shirts that you see the models wear where it comes in on the sides and
it makes you look sleek the standard one doesn't have that it's got to be premium or american
apparel to have that and so it is more expensive but depends on what you want to look like i know
some people maybe have a boxier frame and the standard will uh will work for them yeah they're
in shape rounds of shape yeah rectangular people is that a an
insulting way to say it a boxier frame i don't know i just wanted to to make it more clear yeah
because i remember taylor and i were talking about it and he's like fitted shirts make you look so
much better i'm like yeah fitted shirts show your body and if you have a good one they make you look
better but uh some people just aren't cut out for fitted shirts so pick the one that works for you
yeah and hey you know a little benefit there if you are a little rotund you're gonna save like
six bucks more money for wendy's exactly oh so i like wendy's too as far as fast food goes
wendy's is up there do you have have Wendy's, Jordy? Nope.
What do you have for fast food there?
McDonald's, Burger King, KFC.
That's the stuff we export.
Pizza Hut, Subway, if you call that fast food.
That's it.
And then we just have some regular small things.
So no Wendy's, no whatever you guys have there in America
Arby's
you don't like that roast beef
we have prostitutes and we got weed
though so
try competing with that
like should I get a burger or a
joint or
transvestite prostitute
transgender I mean I'm sorry transvestite prostitute yeah transgender i mean i'm sorry sorry no i think transvestite
prostitute that's just a different thing transvestite is just if they dress up as a woman
transgender is if they they think they are okay then they're transgender yeah transgender is when
they dress up as a woman but they believe in both i think i don't know i'm not an expert at it
yeah i should do some more research soon you should get what you're at the best place for research just walk
a block down the road yeah you should periscope that like you're familiar with periscope the
mobile app it's like live streaming life uh i think a lot of people would tune in for you
periscoping the red light district there's uh there's one very very big flaw in that plan which is beautiful
by the way i like it uh is that when you walk around the red light district or like the main
red light district uh with the phone out uh the the pimps they they come at you they're like
everywhere they're all scattered around the area the pimps it's crazy like that you yeah they come
at you grab your phone and toss it into the canal like It's just a prank. It's just a prank.
Yeah, but your phone's gone, you know.
Well, the live stream will cut out as soon as it hits the water or maybe like a second after.
Like maybe if you've got a pocket like this, you know, you put it in the pocket facing outward.
You know, the lens is just above your cuff.
Yeah, you could do that.
Can you bring your own muscle?
Like is that an option?
Oh, bring your own pimp.
You know, like just to put somebody around. You can try oh bring your own pimp oh you know like just you can try girls wait so they have pimps that protect the girls there like it's all on the up and up
right like it's all legal it's all why do they need a so is the pimp just the manager of the
establishment yeah it's for people that take pictures if the girls don't feel safe sounds
like a pussy bouncer i i also think the um also think the girls, they rent the rooms from the pimps
because they
own the rooms, or the windows
they're called, and then the hookers go
and rent it from the pimps and protection.
Your expertise is
intriguing. Is this your post-YouTube career?
I like to go to
one on West Street,
talk to Carla. She knows how to take care of you
i always gotta have a plan b you know after youtube right i hadn't even thought about that
like it seems like if you go to the same whore all the time she'll eventually get better at
servicing you but then that defeats the whole purpose of going to a whore which is fair
count variety there's got to be a wife joke in there somewhere.
There is. Deep in
the weeds. We'll come back to it.
There's something in there, huh?
Gotta be.
That would be neat, but I don't think I could
ever get over the fact
that it was...
Do you think you could actually go and fuck a
prostitute? You could get over
the knowledge that you were paying her to do that like it's got to concentrate real hard me are you
asking hypothetical single woody if he would use a prostitute to it doesn't yeah anyone in here like
i know kyle would 50 50 dollars 50 dollars and it's around the corner yeah but you like would
you do it hard for you to get over them mentally?
Knowing that they're only doing it because you're paying them a little bit?
I don't know.
That was definitely a negative in the situation.
But, you know, someone else was buying, and it was like, all right, well, I guess.
Well, yeah, sure.
But, yeah, it was definitely a negative in the whole situation that, like, she didn't want to be here.
Like, she's just making a couple hundred bucks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, hypothetical single Woody, as I'm processing this, I think would only care about how hot she is and how sexy she is.
That's a better way to say it. You be hot and not sexual and you can be medium
yet incredible sexual and sensual and whatever uh i just want someone who's good looking and
totally dtf that would be my hypothetical prostitute well and 50 years old yeah and at
least 12 a little bit of stomach hair. It's not hurting anyone.
I guess it's easier to say
that you wouldn't do it if you're already
in a relationship or something, but
if you're on a few month
dry spell and you're
single, that's going to start
sounding real good.
I bet there's a lot
of trolls that find their way into that district.
My cousin was telling me that he does these welding jobs and a lot of the guys are like driving in to do them and stuff from out of state and stuff.
And he says those guys are all getting prostitutes.
They go on Craigslist or Backpage.com and he said they're all getting prostitutes.
And I was like, are those legit?
I was like, I always assumed that they were all, you know, undercover cops or something like that. Cause there was this one time,
let me just tell the story. All right. So we're, we're all out of state. We're staying in a motel.
Motel's different from a hotel in case you don't know. There's, there's no hallways. It's not
interior rooming. You know, they're, they're just, you've got an exterior door that you enter and
exit through for your room and they're all attached to one another.
So we're all hanging out in this little gazebo area just outside of the motel.
And we noticed that these individuals had a room sort of near ours.
And they were being really loud and playing lots of loud music and just making lots of noise.
And we were all just kind of chilling out there hanging out on the park benches.
So their pizza showed up
and they weren't around to collect it.
So I went, hey, hey, hey, over here.
So their pizza comes.
I pay the guy.
So, you know, Domino's has now been paid.
I take the pizza.
We eat the fucking pizza.
But as far as these people know,
you know, their pizza just never showed up.
So they're angrily calling Domino's.
Where's my fucking pizza?
And Domino's is saying, you paid for it, bro.
You got it.
They're being snippy about it, too, because they don't understand what the deal is.
And they're like, fine, we'll send you another one.
So they send another pizza out.
We take that one, too.
They are losing their shit now.
I've got so much extra pizza and two liter Mountain Dews laying around.
It's ridiculous at this point.
So I'm like, we've got to step our game up.
How can we really fuck with them?
Somebody gets the idea of calling a prostitute off of Backpage
and giving them their room number, delivering a prostitute to them.
All right, so we do this thing.
Call the number.
It's pretty sketchy.
This woman who had a code name
negotiates price and everything
and says, okay, she's coming and everything.
What was the price?
Maybe like $150 or something
like that for an hour.
So,
maybe 20, 30 minutes goes by.
There's three police cars
outside and there's a cop
knocking on these people's fucking door
and we're all like it was an undercover like cop sting thing where like they're waiting on
somebody to hire this prostitute and give them their address or room number and the cops show
up instead of a prostitute so i asked him i was like so these prostitutes these guys get on these
welding jobs or are they actual women who show up?
People aren't getting busted? He's like, no.
I was like, are they good looking? He's like, yeah.
Some of them are real good looking. Some of them not so much.
He's like, but there's a definitely, you get what you pay for.
So, there you go.
You can get prostitution really anywhere
it seems.
Did they get in trouble?
I don't fucking know.
We went to sleep. We didn't want to be seen i always thought the
gap between the picture and i always thought the gap between the picture and who shows up
could be really wide like that's a six-year-old picture that's a you know a flattering photoshop
picture and i you know the the girl looks like an eight in the picture and she's five on your
doorstep or if the angle is always like they're craning their neck up,
it's like straight down to remove the chins.
Yeah, that's risky business, getting into that.
That's what Tinder is, basically.
I have so many friends who use Tinder.
Kyle, you've been in a relationship the whole time it's been out, I think.
Yeah, I've never utilized.
Woody's been married for many years. I don't know I've used tinder. Yeah, there we go
When I'm bored or like I when I when I was bored
I just had it on my phone
It was just taking a shit and I'm like swipe right right right right right right right and then we just go match match match
And then it would just stop going getting matches. Do you guys know what Tinder is?
A little bit, yeah.
Yeah, it works.
I've never used it.
Okay, so it's a dating app.
And you just connect it to Facebook, take some pictures of it.
It puts a little description of you.
And then you can search the radius and the age you want.
Does it tell you?
Starting at 18, by the way.
How does it match you, though?
Is it just like...
They probably have an algorithm which like checks
the the things you like on facebook and and then the age and then um how close you are and the
amount of friends you you you share on facebook what you're looking for as well right so you can
put like relationship where you can put oh yeah yeah a bit casual sex and then and then people
can um they'll see like okay so he's only looking for a casual sex or he's only looking for a relationship
And then they can choose like I want to swipe right which is I like it
I like you and swipe left which means like fuck you. You're ugly get out of here, right?
so so what you just do is you swipe right when you think someone's hot swipe left if you think someone's ugly and
swipe right when you think someone's hot,
swipe left if you think someone's ugly.
And if you swipe right and the girl swipes right,
then a little chat pops up or you get a notification on your phone
and you can go and start chatting.
So you send them a message
and then wait for them to reply
and then you talk a bit.
Now, do you know if they've already swiped right?
Yes, yes.
If the chat pops open,
then you know they've swiped right.
It'll pop up with a message saying you have a match, which means you both liked each other.
But I want to know if you know if she swiped right before you do.
Because I feel like there's a different commitment.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You can see that too.
If I just swipe...
Neither of you know until both of you have done it.
Yes, yes, exactly.
But the second person to swipe right will get a notification straight away.
So let's say I see Woody, right?
Really hot, beautiful girl.
I press, like, I like you.
And then Woody goes.
He's taking a shit.
He grabs his phone.
He's like, ah, what should I do today?
Opens up Tinder, and then sees me, and he's like, beautiful little girl.
Swipes right.
And then for Woody, you will get a message right.
Why do you have to be a little girl in this scenario?
We know you're like our old lady. Whatever. Old you have to be a little girl in this scenario whatever but you'll get like a notification straight away and i'll get one on my phone
because i'm like making videos as long as they're in diapers he's happy but when you're swiping you
never have any idea if you're because i feel like the different level of commitment if i'm swiping
and you haven't swiped yet,
then I might be more inclined.
If I'm swiping and I'm like,
if I hit this, it's going to be a real thing,
then I might think it through at another level.
Well, you can just do unmatch.
Oh, okay.
Okay, I swipe right five girls
and you're like drunk and then get back to your phone
and you're like,
these girls are all like not my thing, right?
They're into chess.
I'm like into like whatever
checkers i've never used it yeah i never used it but like the common thing i think would be for
guys to just swipe right on every single picture that's out there that's what i did and so the
user experience for guys is that it's a waiting game the user experience for girls i would imagine
is sort of picking and choosing and kind of knowing going in that he probably already
swiped right on me.
So it's like real life.
I know, right?
I did have to
uninstall the app, though.
I had like a few hundred matches, never
met up with any of the girls because I was like,
you know.
Is it like a way different dynamic where
prostitution is legal to where if they try and play coy with it, you can be like, you know what's not like a way different dynamic where yeah where prostitution is legal to where
if they try and play coy with it you can be like you know what fuck you i'm gonna walk three minutes
that way and solve this problem pretty much but i also noticed that like the girls that are on
a dating app like that they you know they tend to not be able to get guys in real life so they're
they might be socially awkward or at least all
the girls i had talking to me and they just like i gave them my number and they just started texting
me and i was like i gotta work here so i'm like well you're kind of talking a bit too much could
you you know tone it down a bit that's what you said multiple times or did you say this or did you text this? You said, hey, hey. I texted it. I'm not talking too much.
Tone it down.
They just send text after text after text,
and I just reply with, okay, yep, yes, sure.
Shut your cock, holster.
Yeah, I was about to say, do you get the, you know,
what I'm trying to say.
I'm not interested at all.
But I think, I never met up with any of the girls.
And then I uninstalled it a few times and then reinstalled it whenever I was, like, kind of in the mood, you know, to meet some new girls.
And then at one point, I think I got, like, five matches back to back of people saying, OMG, are you Global Cup?
OMG, I know you have YouTube. And then that was that was point I was like I should probably stop using this
app because when the app starts working for you it kind of does but I just
started feeling bad I'm like the mold and they're like fans on here I don't
really want to abuse it too much it's a weird thing the fan might do that no I
know I was about to say.
It's like,
how about we go and make some videos together?
But I never met up with anybody I met on Tinder.
Only this one girl.
I already knew her
and she was already a friend
and we both matched on Tinder
and I was like, I already got your number.
Let's just hang out.
But that was pretty much it.
When people find out you're...
I have a friend who used it as a slump buster thing
where he'd had a couple months of dry spell,
and he went on Tinder,
and of course did the swipe right for everyone,
and he came...
Match, match.
Yeah, match, exactly.
Everybody.
Didn't matter who.
And he was like,
finally broke that dry spell, man. And I'm like, oh, awesome. How? Where'd you meet her And he was like, finally, broke that dry spell, man.
And I'm like, oh, awesome. How? Where'd you meet her?
He's like, oh, Tinder.
I'm like, oh, what's she like? Tell me about it.
And he's like, well, you know, I mean, first things first, she was 54.
And I was like, oh, my God.
Wow.
That's too old for me.
She's older than we are now.
But she was born.
Yeah, but whatever.
It's like, I mean, high school, class 81.
How old are you, Taylor?
Are you 24?
I'll be 25 in a couple months.
Yeah, so Kyle and Mirka added together are not as old as this woman.
No.
No.
That's a lot of experience.
Even in a devil's threesome, we'd be outmatched.
Quibble, when you meet people,
do they instantly try to take advantage
when they know who you are?
Like, oh, here's ways I could use you.
Really, really depends.
Like, it depends what person they are,
what they do themselves.
If there's a guy with 5 million subs who has twice as many subs as I have,
he's not going to be like,
oh, I could use Squibble Cup in my videos.
But you see it every now and then when a guy with, I don't know,
he wants to achieve something and he can see that you can give it to him.
So he tries to be really nice.
He's like, man, if you ever need help, I'm here for you.
And then starts texting me.
It happens to me in real life.
Like my realtor or something will be like, yeah, we could do this together.
Construction guy is like, you know, I've been thinking about making YouTube videos.
People would like to watch me build fireplaces or whatever.
The realtor of the people i bought this from
was a singer he was in minuto which you guys are probably all too young for and uh you know he was
like i think i gotta go on like american idol you could like get everyone to vote for me it's like
fuck man my mom does that i've known you for 30 seconds your mom tries to get you to make yes
sometimes no not vote for her but
sometimes she she comes up with stuff like uh hey i have this great t-shirt idea i'd love to sell
this t-shirt and i'm like what is it and she tells me this stupid idea of a of like a t-shirt and she
goes like yeah you should totally promote it up on your youtube channel i'm like mom like i'm not
gonna do that you can just go and start a YouTube channel yourself. Yeah, you have your own merch.
She's competing with you.
Yeah, and she even does my merch.
She goes and ships it and takes all the orders.
Aw, you can't stick her.
Aw, you got to stick her shirt in there too.
Right?
Yeah, you should call it Mom's Design.
Quibble Mom, that's her stage name, Quibble Mom. So how do you reimburse her for doing your merch? Do you?
Right now, I don't
pay her at all. Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Right there. This is why
Dutch people
are on my shit list. Do you remember the shit list?
I remember it. For being greedy.
Dutch people. I actually,
you know, we discussed this because I
really want to hire her.
Mainly because I want to well
not that badly no no no like i need i need to i need to like um get expenses because then my tax
thing will go lower and you know i'm kind of really high in how much tax i have to pay right now
um so so i i was like mom i want to hire you i don't want you to find any other job because she
was she she's been jobless for, I think, two years now.
So I told her, like, I make enough money.
I want to hire you for my merch business.
And she was like, well, you know,
I don't do it full time right now.
And it's definitely not worth the money you would pay me,
the salary, she would ask.
So right now we're working on like a contract
and then probably in March next year,
I'll start hiring her and start paying her.
Tough contract negotiations with mom, right?
You should have seen,
like because we got the hoodies now
and we put it up on the website.
So when we have like a meeting for the company,
it's like me and my mom.
So I went to my mom's place, which is like five minutes down the road.
And we had a very – she had maybe drank a few glasses of wine.
And we had to discuss the shipping costs because it was a bit too much.
And we just switched to a new shipping provider.
And we were just yelling at each other.
She's like like do it tomorrow
Geordie it's too late right now I don't know I did too many numbers and I'm just
yelling at her like shut up we got to do this now well these are the
conversations I can have with my mom but I want to see these videos if let's say
I hire somebody and now we go at him like that, he just started crying, walk off.
But like me and my mom, we have a very unorthodox way of discussing things.
But we solved it and we were really happy after the argument.
I might have not said shut up, though.
Well, you got to talk it up.
Fuck you, mom.
I'm very respectful towards my mom because else she hits me obviously yeah with the belt but um no i'm definitely hiring my mom i like
i really want to do it because i've i've been really invested in my merch store lately because
i want to get it into like a legit clothing brand which is like really hard but i think it's possible like i can promote it enough um and and the money's
there to to to invest it in so uh my mom's gonna be my my my i don't know if i can say my second
employee actually because i have a first one which is that a secret a little bit it's not really a
secret like uh i think next week week he's moving in with me.
But since the last time I was here, I think a few weeks after,
I got somebody to help me with my YouTube channel.
And he's been helping me since.
Is that a good friend of mine?
No, it's just a good friend of mine.
I've known him for three years now.
And he helps
me editing some of my videos can uh can we watch this music video yes that jordy sent us yes so
it's really upsetting it's so i can't share it it's it's too not safe for work i think to um
to show it up on the uh on the video right it's on YouTube, though. It'll probably get content ID claimed
and age-restricted anyways.
If you want to watch along with us,
the video's called Peaches Rub.
It's two separate ones.
It's a great song.
It's a song, by the way.
It's a music video.
Art.
The YouTube channel is called Tracks Magazine.
Tracks with an X.
And this video's 5 minutes and 19 seconds
if you just want to make sure you're watching the right one.
Parenthetically, it says uncensored music video.
Parenthetically?
It's the beard, right?
I've got Mirka's vocabulary now.
Parenthetically?
I'm queued up at zero.
I'm ready for this.
We're not playing the music because it'll get claimed We're just watching this independently
I think we can play the music
I don't know
We're reacting to it
So it should be
If you get claimed you can always counter it
Then it'll be a pain in the ass
Gotta keep the music quiet
It's hard to claim me, I'm managed
Are you ready? yeah okay ready set play all right we've got some purple clouds
well they're white clouds with a purple background i stand corrected
we have a chick on here she's like a six a vagina a six. That was not a six. No.
What's your number?
Four. Now she's playing with the, there's a big rock like in the middle of the Arizona desert
kind of shaped like a vagina.
Oh my God.
She's full on naked.
And now she's completely naked squatting.
And we've got, oh, armpit hair too.
Is this a dude?
Oh, that's a man.
There's so many like vaginal references. There's an almond. There's a man. There are so many vaginal references.
There's an almond.
There's the rock.
There's the naked woman.
There was that vagina hanging from her rearview mirror.
That's what I think I was calling the almond.
Oh.
I could be wrong.
A guy pulled up in a van by a little girl in a tutu.
With a vagina on the van, perhaps?
A little girl.
I can't tell.
There's a vagina on the van.
Now she's looking at a vagina lollipop. Aipop vagina now goodness gracious now there's some big tits now there's giant titties are being used to like mix a cauldron you know
she's trying to appease xerxes in 300 and it's all weird and people are roaming around in that
that sex den that's what it's like everybody's all these and people are roaming around in that sex den. That's what it's like.
All these fat chicks are rubbing each other.
It looks really sweaty and sticky in there.
This video is labiorific.
It's like if Xerxes' sex palace
was inside of a Curves.
Now some fucking garbage bag
full of cottage cheese is eating out
this other nasty chick, pulling a blue boa
out of her vagina.
A blue boa? With her vagina. A blue boa?
With her teeth. That was in there, I think.
Well, we've got a pretty...
You think that's a special
effect, or... This is not art!
I don't know. This is art. This is
beautiful. This is horrific.
Now there's just women kind of writhing around.
Most of them are very fat. There's about
900 pounds of gross.
They're making a titty sandwich out of this woman, and she doesn't look Most of them are very fat. There's about 900 pounds of gross to drink this shit.
We're making a titty sandwich out of this woman
and she doesn't look happy about it.
This is where progressiveness leads.
Now we're in a fucking desert
with a bunch of naked chicks playing
like drumming and playing electric guitar
and one of them has a Barbie doll
face and she is stripped completely
naked too now.
And she just pulled a mic out of her vagina.
Yeah.
Is that a real... That bottom is fake, right?
She has a bikini bottom that is made of fur
and at first I couldn't tell that.
It's called a merkin.
Now there's another naked lady dressed up as Satan, I guess.
Pretty much.
There's an oh
There's a tattooed femme fatale Jesus she's pretty much a six
The girls from the Jenny Craig softball team might be a seven I can't tell her face is covered that one was seven
Okay, this one or better. Maybe I don't know really I don't know
Well, he's about a six
No, no totally not Woody You'll see, he's a dude. Wait. Oh my god, there's just a butthole. Is this the one that's a dude?
No, no, totally not, Woody.
I don't trust you bastards.
For the last three minutes,
naked chicks have been rolling around in sand.
Imagine the UTI.
Oh, that's a dude.
I told you! I told you it's a dude!
It's not!
Let me tell you what just happened.
She's still a seven.
The personality of a seven
suddenly revealed a flaccid penis
which she
shook like this
in another individual's face
as she laughed.
Still a seven.
Clearly a match.
But she had big bolt-ons. She definitely vibed girl from the waist up I
I'm just saying I immediately said it's a man
This one's a to
That's is that is awesome. It looked like a woman I
Don't know if that's a woman or man. It could be an unattractive woman.
She might be a three.
Okay, there we go.
The climax, boys.
Two people walking backwards.
And they're peeing.
Oh, there's pee.
And we get a beautiful shot of their hairy pussies peeing in the desert.
Now she's riding horse bareback.
Reverse pissing.
So they peed on the ground.
And then for the picture, they reversed it.
So it shows a bunch of pee going back up in there.
Because that's what makes it artistic.
That's what they call this art.
Holy shit.
That was good, wasn't it?
If Fox News released this,
this would be called the most sexist thing
in the history of forever. But because
it's a bunch of progressive
women's studies people who did it,
everybody has to pretend that it's art. Even YouTube had to say it was art. When it's clearly just a bunch of progressive, you know, like, women's studies people who did it. Everybody has to pretend that it's art.
Even YouTube had to say it was art.
When it's clearly just a bunch of women
rolling around getting urinary tract infections
in the sand next to a bunch of fat bitches
rubbing their tits on a transgendered person.
It's age-restricted.
It should be.
Obviously.
Come on, guys.
There's still a naked woman on horseback
just trotting around
the comments are like yo
what the fuck
feminism is getting
really confusing
this porn has awful music
too many fat chicks
white people
must be stopped
wow there's a lot of people
calling this progressive but this is not even a bit cool oh I like this hashtag
free mr. technical difficult right he lost his channel like years ago for
misleading tags or something I don't so what is what was... What was that? What was that?
I'm baffled as to what that was supposed to represent.
I can't tell you how funny it is that what he said.
He's like, I'd say she's a seven.
And then she's like, maybe it was a girl.
Okay, yeah, maybe from that angle.
And then dick.
That was the most artsy thing about it,
is that Shyamalan twist of how the dick was still concealed,
hanging behind the forward-facing thigh,
and then the climax, the flop out.
It seemed like there was a labia there, too.
I mean, you totally saw the perineum.
Am I pronouncing that right?
Anyone know?
And it looked like a...
Perineum?
Is that what it is i only
read the word before yeah i'd never heard what you said before that perineum i i learned the word by
reading so i pronounce it horribly um but anyway yeah perineum looked like a labia to me let me ask
the question woody do are you are you glad that you've got this whole relationship thing sewn up and just done?
Do you think that you would excel at dating in modern times?
I guess that's what I'm really getting at.
All this Tinder stuff, the fact that you might struggle at times to determine the sex of the other individual.
If Woody were born in 2002, he'd be gender fluid.
I feel like my whole scene would be like, I don't know,
Tinder profile shots of me next to my 401k account.
The only way I could pick up girls.
I'd have to drive a Tesla or something.
Yeah, you should have seen mine.
Mine was even worse.
Oh?
I got flown out once to Switzerland like two months ago.
I got flown out once to Switzerland like two months ago.
And it was for a concert with Afrojack, a DJ, a Dutch DJ.
Oh, sure.
I know Afrojack.
And so he went with us there.
But because it was a paid sponsorship by, like paid promotion by Activision,
they just flew me out.
Like they were like, if we can use you in the video, then we'll do this this for you but they flew us out in like this private jet in like a really big really big private jet and
I
Went in there as one of the first people so I was like
I'm just taking pictures the whole the whole trip there
And I took one picture of me chilling in the private jet like on the couch
Like that and I just put it up on my tinder so you went full full douche right there I was like I was like fuck
it like yeah there's no rules I know they're no rules I'm guys posing like
that showing their abs I'm like I can pose like that but you know there's many
girls you gotta show what you can't show my intelligence in a picture.
You should make some sort of money suit.
You should make some sort of money suit.
Yeah, yeah, just wear like $40,000.
Yeah, I'll just show them like Social Blade, you know,
with like my YouTuber stats.
There you go.
You can show your intelligence too.
That's what I would do.
I do like an over-the-back picture while I'm completing a pseudo-cube.
I look a little bit cool.
And a Rubik's Cube in the other hand.
Who knows what I'll tackle next.
Line full.
Big up to this child.
That's what it'll say under your profile.
Your little short description.
Who knows what I'll tackle next.
A Rubik's Cube.
A Sheldon's pile of small ones.
What was I going to say?
Oh, in all seriousness, I think I'd crush it right now.
Because I'm going by my friend Dan, PKA Dan.
He crushed it.
And he's a good-looking guy.
But I swear, I think that just – it's what he called the retread market,
you know, all the divorcees.
And apparently the divorcee market was just right for
the pickings and uh if you're a nice guy with a good job and you know reasonable looking then you
just slay it yeah they're not looking for as much at that age their standards are much lower they're
just looking for someone to get in through the next 30 years. I don't think that's – what I want to say is what they're looking for is what I got.
Money.
I'm good to kids.
I'm good to kids.
I'm financially okay.
I'm all right to look at.
This is the package at 42.
So how is Jackie allowing this to go on right now?
She hates it. Hates it
constantly.
Every day, I told her I wanted to make it
until Friday. I was like, I just want to
do this show on Thursday night. We'll get
one show with the decent beard
on display.
And then that'll be
that.
I was like, he's been growing there for like over a week.
What's going on? Is this trouble between he and Jackie? In my head, I was literally thinking that. I was like that i was like he's been growing there for like over a week what's going
on is this trouble between he and jack in my head i was literally thinking that i was like maybe
what he's on the couch that's why he's growing the beard i think you should keep it say no to jackie
several times a day she's telling me to get rid of it and then she says things that hurt my feelings
like you know it makes you look old you're scraggly are you going for a chris kringle thing and i'm like wow or or the worst yet is this scene
she's like how long does that last and i'm just like wow like uh yeah she's i would i would keep
going that would have that would that would make me mad i'd be like that's like a level three nag
and that's new years uh well thank you for the relationship advice, but I think I've...
Trust us.
I think I'm good here.
I think it's been a couple shows, and this is as far as it gets.
Well, you know what?
I think she's leaving Tuesday.
See?
Let's all have a beard.
Everybody not shave.
It seems like if she's leaving Tuesday, why would Let's all have a beard. Everybody not shave. It seems like
if she's leaving Tuesday, why
would I shave on Friday just for
her to go visit family on Tuesday?
Bullshit. Right?
Yeah.
Don't do it. And then I think she's literally
gone for two weeks. You know how
I could be Taylor in two and a
half weeks, maybe. I don't know
if that's a stretch, but two and a half weeks from now, it'll be a thing.
I think you should keep going.
When are you going to have another opportunity like this?
It's some sort of perfect storm of permission to grow your own facial hair.
Well, if Woody does it, then Kyle, you need to do it as well.
Even if it's a little juvenile.
Flattering.
Yeah, I just shaved
or true look like you just like a he tree I used like it he's like a beard
thing and put it on the lowest setting last show I came to the show ready to be
like huh look at my beard and I'm like in all reality Kyle's is longer than
mine right now like I guess it was probably towards the end of when you
would shave and it looked bigger than mine.
I go through phases where sometimes I just get really lazy,
and then it'll just start getting itchy at the corners of my mouth and stuff,
and then I'll knock it off.
Whenever my mustache starts getting on my lips and curling into them,
that's happening to me.
I handled that four days ago.
Melissa was tight.
She likes the beard, because once it gets past the sticky, hokey section,
it gets soft like it is now, it's okay.
But it was just like a Django Unchained kind of beard where it just came right into my mouth when I was eating.
Every time I took a drink of something, I had to be like...
Going like that like I was a prospector in 1849.
But yeah, you've got to trim that.
There's no way around it.
It looks awful if you don't.
It feels gross.
That's usually my cue to trim up.
Mine looks okay to me.
I'm just trying to see myself.
Yeah, I think it looks good.
But it feels long.
Maybe I'm just not used to it,
but I feel like it's...
I like the gray.
I feel like the gray is distinctive.
You've got the gray here, and you've got like this this well well-framed mustache i i like it
jackie disagrees vehemently vehemently she's been advocating for its eradication holy fuck i'm
murka now i kiss you bigger everyday vocabulary yeah, no, Jackie wants it gone.
She hates the gray in particular.
I think if it wasn't gray, she'd have a different opinion.
Color it.
I think the reason she wants this gone is because she sees you,
and she sees, fuck, he's starting to get that George Clooney-looking swag
with that little bit of gray speckling.
He's leaving my league quickly.
And so she's got to cut you back down.
She's got to nip that in the bud and keep you the stay-at-home guy.
She can't have you going out with all that Minecraft money,
throwing hundreds through the crowd.
She doesn't want you to have that.
Because it does look good.
It looks very good.
It makes you look more distinguished.
I wonder if she'd be willing to come on the show and debate this.
Not so much a debate as I'll go, I like this. And go well i'm the guy i'm the lady that he's fucking so he's gonna listen not tuesday through whatever the next two weeks so yeah get some tinder no that wasn't where
i was headed with that just just a long beard yeah i i don't guess she would support any no
no that wouldn't go over.
No.
I was thinking it might be a fun experiment
for if you got on Tinder
and saw what came of it.
But that just seems like a recipe for disaster.
There's some victims in there, too.
No, no victims.
You don't have to communicate with them, necessarily.
They would get their hopes up so high.
Right?
The tribulations of a girl on Tantrum.
You could make up a new persona for yourself.
That would be fun too.
You'd be Daddy Warbucks
or Jimmy the Sleeves.
Just make it slightly
different so it doesn't actually make
Gary's gamer tag.
I have a thing.
It's not similar.
I know. It's awful.
That is a terrible Tinder name.
So my wife's doing a party
on the 12th
and the whole house is going to be clean
at the same time and everything.
So I think we're going to do the house tour
that morning or something.
And you got your mic boom going. That thing looks sexy it looks looks very professional looks like something
rush limbaugh would have in there it's actually really nice i don't know if i can get this more
in frame but um is it does it have like three parts uh two joints or like two joints in arm
it's like gravity it's hovering right now it's's what Joe Rogan has. It has three joints. There's a
joint at the bottom,
a joint in the back, and then a joint above the
mic.
So it's like, does it have like two arms
or two parts, two of these things?
No.
I can show you.
Is it like this? No, that's
the... Or does it have like one
more? I don't mean to knock you.
That's the one I upgraded from.
It's not bad.
That's the road one.
That's the one Kyle has.
I feel like a lot of people have it and it's nice.
The one I have, they told me they sent me $1,500 worth of equipment.
There's two booms.
You can't see the other one, but it's here.
Get that back in the shot. That looks
fancy. This is the mic I use a lot.
Look at that stabilizer thingy.
Woody, I don't want to offend you
or anything, but you do have to upgrade that second
mic.
Really? I like this one.
This is the same mic that Rush Limbaugh uses.
I'm joking.
I'm joking. I have no idea.
Woody takes it seriously. Really? Rush limbaugh's off on his i know my mic's baby um i think this is the one robin quivers uses it is this one's the one that
michael jackson kyle and i using the same mic michael jackson uses this when he for all his
motown records yeah can't you tell so um anyway i priced it out and i think it was like eight something per boom and everything
because i i got the largest one and i also got two mounts because i wasn't sure how i was going
to mount it but um like so this little connector here we had to solder them. And we didn't know how.
We did it wrong the first time and stuff.
And there was a big delay on it on our part.
Like we had to buy parts and do what we were doing.
And the guy's like, once you get this going, you'll find it's the Cadillac of booms.
And it was like, all right, you know, we'll see.
Dude, it totally is.
It totally is.
This is the boom mic you want.
I only, I got it because I saw it on Joe Rogan's podcast, and it looked good to me.
And the one that you have, I have these 27-inch monitors.
And once I upgraded to a bigger monitor, it didn't reach over it in the same way.
It did, but it had to go up, so it was like one of these deals and stuff.
This one is a long arm, and it easily reaches over a big monitor.
So you have it over your monitors?
Mm-hmm.
Because I have a 28-inch,
so it doesn't go over my monitors.
I just have it here.
I have a 42-inch,
so I'm having to establish mine
in a whole other way.
It's way over there coming from the left.
Mine sits right in front of my monitors
and my laptop is sitting
on a turned upside down blanket
basket that I picked up from the corner of my
living room.
Real good setup here.
I actually have a 34 inch
monitor if I'm honest, but it's the same
height as a 28 inch monitor.
Child's play.
That's what it looks like.
Can you guys see that? just barely yeah now i can so that's what my wide yeah it's an ultra
wide i call it a 27 because it's the same height as a 27 but it's actually 34 and uh so you can
see the boom mics reaching over yeah and i had to get those set up because they're like i told
them i'd feature it in the house tour video and lots of people would see it and stuff.
So anyway,
this is in place.
That's why Kyle brought it up because he knew it was delaying the house tour
video and the house will be clean.
We're having some party that day and
everything should be cool.
So I know there's a couple people looking forward
to seeing it. There's rooms you guys haven't seen yet.
Like the Game of Thrones room and such.
There's got to be a lot of rooms in that compound we haven't seen yet.
Some of them are big.
That's one of the things.
A lot of the rooms are big.
I don't think we're going to show the master closet.
One, it's one of the rooms she's not cleaning.
But when we were there, I was like, this closet is big enough that I could ride a bicycle in circles.
That was my unit of measurement. So not easily, but I could could ride a bicycle in circles. Like that was my unit of measurement.
So not easily, but I could totally ride a bicycle in circles inside my master closet.
Unicycle for sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Unicycle for sure.
Like a BMX bike.
Like I could do circles in my closet.
I'm sure of it.
But I don't think we're going to show the master closet because it's messy in there.
There are rooms we don't use, like rooms we just walk through.
And that's where they keep Jonathan,
the other child who isn't spoken of.
We have a changing room.
I never had a changing room before.
You guys will see the whole thing in the video.
A changing room.
It's your fucking house.
Why do you need a changing room?
It's between the bedroom and the closet.
And there's like a big mirror there.
And we put a couch in there.
And yeah, I don't know.
Casting couch?
Changing room.
Yeah, right?
It's ridiculous.
All the things you make up when you have money.
You know?
I need a changing room.
How big do you want your closet?
Can I ride a bike in it?
That's like something that Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie would ask for because they're so spoiled They don't know the difference. How big a closet do you need to call?
I don't know like I just want to be able to like ride a bike in it
Ludicrous you can ride a bike in your closet. I want that included now in the video because I need to know how big this
Yeah, totally
Did you ride the bike is there?
For every room.
Every time, circles with a bike.
Take a BMX bike around.
I should be on tour.
Like, Jackie will hold the camera like a steadicam chasing me,
and I'll be riding a bike.
Follow me.
Your new tagline.
What is realty?
Free room.
You could ride a bike in it.
But I think some people are looking toward that.
Anyway, the house tour video will be shot.
I am.
Definitely.
I am too.
I got to see that closet.
Do you have a closet big enough to ride a bike in, Jordy?
Currently, I don't know.
But I actually also, I recently bought my first house.
Did you?
Tell me about it.
It's awesome, man.
So I wanted to my first house. Did you? Tell me about it. It's awesome, man.
So I wanted to stay in Amsterdam.
Amsterdam's like my favorite city for now.
And it's about 10 minutes away from my house right now.
It's in the almost city center.
It's as close as you can get to the city center, but not be in the city center.
And it's in an apartment building.
It'll be done by the end of 2016, so it's a year away.
So it's like a condo apartment type deal?
It's an apartment.
It's not the penthouse.
The penthouse wasn't available.
But it's as big as the biggest.
It's the biggest apartment in the whole building.
How big is it?
I don't know how big a big apartment is.
Here in
Amsterdam,
it's a 140 square
meters. I don't know. Do you have to translate it
to feet? Totally. I have no idea what
that is. Square meters to
feet. How many bikes would you ride around in there?
It's 1,500
square foot.
Which is extremely big for an apartment in Amsterdam.
And I do have, I don't have a changing room, but I do have, it's three bedrooms, two bathrooms, one en suite, so one master bedroom
with a bathroom next to it.
We're now working on getting
the bathrooms designed and stuff, but
the idea is to have two showers.
So let's say... Oh, we're talking about
that I bought an
apartment, and now I'm
explaining what the bathroom's going to look like.
So it's
like the master bedroom has a bathroom, you go into the bathroom and then it has
two showers so you and your partner can take a shower together but still be under your
own shower head.
I think it's like you can put a bike in there but you can't ride the bike.
A stationary bike. You know.
But I have a shower and sit on a bike.
You can do it in the place.
I put a rowing machine in mine.
It makes it more extreme.
The two shower heads is always the biggest limiting factor to showering with another person. Because it goes from being any kind of sensualness is lost to I'm getting fucking cold.
If you don't get out of the hot water, I'm going to kill you.
And it's just about fighting, vying for that place.
So my next shower, I'm going to do what I've wanted for a long time.
I like the shower I've got now.
It's really big, which was the whole thing.
It was about getting wings in there.
But I've had this experience maybe four times,
like staying at either a nice hotel or at a spa once.
I want multiple heads.
Two isn't enough.
Like, I want a dozen.
I want a dozen shower heads.
Yes, and not just like, don't imagine a bunch of the ones that just, you know, like a standard shower.
Like, there's jets coming from the side going horizontal.
There's jets going up at you.
They're everywhere. And to clean the up at you. They're everywhere.
To clean the undercarriage.
I like that.
Exactly.
Just like the car wash.
You want that spinning one that gets your wheels and stuff?
Yeah.
So I'm going to have that because I don't think it's that expensive.
What's it cost to plumb it up a little more and put more shower heads in, right?
That's what my question was.
I don't know,
mull around the idea of redoing our bathroom sometimes.
Ours is really big,
but I don't think it's the best it can be.
But I think if I were to,
because I like that idea too.
That's actually what I want.
I want like a-
You get digital and they do like steam as well?
From the top, they have a shower head
that's like a shower, like a rain,
like a heavy rain.
And I think that's kind of cool.
Yeah, yeah, they're like this big.
But if you have that going and you've got like a car wash,
like a hot tub from the side, like a hot tub shower thing
with all the jets going at you, I don't think my plumbing would do that.
I mean, I think it's delivered from like a three-quarter inch copper pipe.
Sometimes less is more with that. At my house growing up um at one of the houses we
had we had that in my bathroom and you would like people would see it like after they got out of the
pool or something like oh can i use your shower that's so fucking dope because it was the big
shower head and then on like three walls and then the glass door that opened on three walls, there were like five on each.
Yes.
And people's first mistake every time they turn them all up all the way before they turn the shower on.
And then it's just uncomfortable.
You feel like it's some kind of torture.
Pressure wash.
It's like a pressure wash.
And you're trying to rinse off.
You try and breathe and you get something in your mouth.
But if you cut your gum.d puts iraqis in there
yeah you should imagine like the penguin always because it's it's so relaxing really just a big
mist like a rainforest of warm water we have a um i don't even know i don't know the difference
between a hot tub a jacuzzi a spa and a whirlpool like but whatever we've got something in that class in
our bathroom how many people fit in it children i don't even know i think two adults would fit
in it properly could you ride a bike in it a stationary bike okay that's pretty big i was uh
i was about to say i'm getting one on my balcony So I'll be on the seventh floor and then it'll be where the Sun is setting it like it in the east east east side
of the building because I have a balcony going from from east to like the
No West I mean sorry for West to South
Mmm, and and I'll have like a they kept calling it whirlpool but I was like I want a jacuzzi like what's the difference
at the same thing and I think
it's going to be 2x3 meters
so
2x3 meters?
that's a big hot tub
how many people?
2x2.5 so
it'll be pretty big
I think I'm going with 4 people but then they'll have
like a lot of room in it.
But it's on the balcony.
So if you get into the hot tub and you're too drunk,
it's like as high as the railing.
So there's a chance you can fall off.
So we have to put like an extra glass thing in there.
Sign a waiver.
Fuck them.
Yeah, no.
You could splash over the side.
The guy that has a TV.
One of my buddies who is just, like, his parents were obscenely rich.
It'll be next to the living room, by the way.
So I can just turn around and then there will be my, like, TV in the living room.
Have you ever seen those where you hit a button and the TV comes out of the side of the hot tub?
That would be really cool.
Yeah, but it's always a little piece.
No, this one was like a 42-inch TV.
Oh, that's sick.
Plus, it'll be outdated in a few years.
Like, your hot tub can go for 10 years, maybe.
I don't know.
Your TV can go for like four years.
Yeah, but who's going to give you shit
as you're sitting in your hot tub
and you bring the big flat screen up
and they're going to be like,
is that even 4K?
Is that as much TV that you brought out of your hot tub on your balcony
overlooking Amsterdam even 4K?
Are you watching DVDs over there?
Well, I don't have Blu-ray.
That's funny.
That sounds like an awesome setup, Jordy.
Yes, that sounds really pimp.
Kitty's got that five-person.
I don't know the difference in the ones either.
I think some of those things you listed are maybe brands of hot tub.
I've always called them a hot tub.
But hers sits five people, and it's sort of a square, like a cube.
Yeah.
And so, like, there's the middle area that's deeper and everything.
And, of course, it does that psychedelic flashing light thing
that will give you some sort of seizure
while you're in the 104-degree water if you want.
But I've been wanting – it's not working right now.
We need to get it fixed.
The digital display has an issue where I can't turn the heat up right now.
It's on. It's working.
But I can't go above, like, 70 degrees, which is not a hot tub.
Useless.
Yeah, nobody wants that tepid water.
So instead we've got, like, 500 gallons of tepid water out back right now.
But I was trying to think of a way to get a television out there
because inevitably what I'd do is sit in that thing for like five hours with my phone
and my phone battery would die and then I'd bring out a charging block to keep it charged.
And that's bullshit.
And Kitty always takes her iPad, but like I want a TV.
I think I'm going to put a projector out there like not an expensive one or anything but like a four or five hundred dollar projector
system in the backyard would be great when you buy a projector system uh oh by the way about the
bathtub mine is i think you guys are both a class above what i have i mine's like a bathtub on
steroids with jets yeah i know what you're talking about me and scott my cousin had
to get a uh the last hotel room once in a hotel had a heart-shaped jacuzzi tub like like what
you're talking about obviously yours isn't probably i don't know but i just remember like
the lady was like we got the hunt we got like the honeymoon suite up there it's got a hot tub
shaped like a heart and she's like going through these amenities and me and my cousin are standing there. I'm like
great.
I was like do you have bubble
bath or anything like that?
She's like no. Do not put bubble bath
in the jacuzzi.
We've had that before. It ruins
the filter. You will be charged.
And I was like well no bubbles tonight. And just walked
away. And he was
scarlet red, so embarrassed.
That's great.
What were we talking about?
I interrupted that talk.
It was like the bathtub thing, and then?
You were describing yours, saying it was a class behind.
Yeah, but I just wanted to clear that up,
and we were on to some other topic.
I had forgotten.
We're talking about houses.
We went to the eye doctor today.
I did.
Oh, yeah. Oh, we still have to talk about houses. You went to the eye doctor today. I did. Oh, yeah.
Oh, we still have to talk about this.
Yeah, we were going to do glass talk.
So I actually went to the eye doctor.
I don't know the difference.
I think you go to the ophthalmologist.
The ophthalmologist helped me get a prescription,
and the optometrist makes the glasses, I think.
And the ornithologist studies birds.
Thanks for giving me a nice hint about birds.
That's true.
So today I went to the person who makes glasses.
And mine apparently are hard to make.
My eyes are all kinds of fucked up.
They always have been.
It's why I was a swimmer.
Tri-focals?
Like, what's going on?
So I have double vision and always have.
And with some strainingining i can pull the images
together and that's what i have to do when i read and stuff but um most of my life i just kind of
pay more attention to one of the images than the other and it's cool but um if it's a moving object
it's a little tougher perhaps why i suck at baseball as hard as i do um but uh so they're having prisms built into my
glasses to like realign the vision and that way instead of working so hard to make everything
better it's just a little less work and stress to to deal with on top of that i have like
prescriptions to deal with so i have like they're bifocals right but they're going to be like the progressive kind
that there's no line so i have bifocals with prisms that are like different for distance and
far and prescriptions that are different for distance and far and magnification like it's it's
everything you can bundle into a glasses i've got messed up with me awesome i'm looking forward to when
whenever you get them because i'm pretty sure it's going to look like that visor that
so you'll be able to see the full light spectrum now and an infrared so that'll be great that'll
be wonderful i haven't worn glasses in like six years like i've only done contacts and like i've
worn contacts since i think i was eight
glasses since i was like six and my eyes are just be i was in the legally blind like i had
taken a step into that the last time i went to the the eye doctor like a year and a half ago
and when i went today i hadn't assumed that it got much worse but i went in and the doctor was
like blown away by how bad my left eye was like Like he did the right eye and he was like, all right, one and two, one and two.
What are you in this?
Minus 6.5.
Jesus.
Oh, wow.
That's not good, huh?
No, it's not.
And like did the left eye and we spent half an hour,
the longest eye visit I've ever done.
And I was like stumping him where he'd be like, how's that?
Can you see anything there?
Read the big letter
i got nothing doc flip the next one all right that should be a little better i'm like i can't
i can't tell you i don't know he went through so many things he took the machine off my face
you know that thing yeah and then he started uh just like he's like let me just look at this like
what is going on in there and i'm like i don I don't know, but I don't like this.
It's a little unsettling.
And then he made me take this, like, perforated piece of plastic,
and he's like, just hold that up in front of your eyes and try and read it.
And so I'm, like, holding two things in front of my eyes,
still not able to read anything.
And the dude's like, okay, well, you know, your left eye is really horrible.
You're going to want to make sure that you remember to take your contacts out every night
because in the case that your right eye is jeopardized or gets an infection
uh it's very likely that you could lose some sight in that eye and then you would be
uh frankly out of luck and i'm like well shit so like apparently my right eye is doing all the work
shit isn't doing anything and he said i have like corneal like a corneal curvature that like my eye is messed up
the dude asked me which i never even thought of this he's like uh so uh were you a c-section or
natural birth or like i i came out came out of the veg just like a normal normal little boy and he's
like ah that makes sense sometimes you first born like yeah it's like well see yeah especially with
firstborns you see there can be a lot of pressure applied to the head
when it's leaving the vaginal canal,
and sometimes that can push to the point of this coming in.
I can see this sometimes.
You see the line right there?
No.
No, I can't.
No, I can't see anything.
So he had to give me like a super –
my left contact has to be specially made now.
Like it's a little thicker, so I have to have two different prescriptions.
And then when I went out to get my glasses made, the lady was like, all right, that's going to be specially made now. Like, it's a little thicker, so I have to have two different prescriptions. And then when I went out to get my glasses made,
the lady was like, all right, that's going to be $128 with what we got.
We've got to ship this left lens out special, and then we'll get that back.
And for only $10 extra, we can give you a glossing on the underside of the glass here.
I'm like, well, what does that mean? Why would I do that?
And she's like, well, you know, for people who have exceptionally thick glasses and lenses,
sometimes this makes it look a little thinner to people who see it.
And I was like, fine, just do the $10 thinning effect.
Dude, that's nothing.
I'm just going to have big cold bottle glasses.
How much were your glasses?
You're like bubbles.
How much did they cost?
Oh, that's crazy.
$140 or something?
That's just freaky.
How much did yours cost?
$138.
Between like 130 and 150-ish.
Okay.
My bifocals
with prisms built into them
four different things.
$900.
I was
surprised.
Because you've got the Ben Franklin special over there.
Where there's five different things for you to look through.
Yeah, it was all kinds of like...
The lenses themselves were $600.
And I couldn't go to any optometrist.
I had to go to a particularly experienced and skillful optometrist.
Oh, and the new contact they gave me.
I put in my right one, which is normal.
They gave me the left one.
As I was picking it out, I'm like, this one's a little thicker. This is a thick contact. They're like i put in my right one which is normal they gave me the left one as i was picking it out i'm like this one's a little like thicker like this is this is a thick
contact like yeah that is thick uh that's the toric brand or whatever and i put it in and i've
worn contacts for most of my life so i know what they feel like i pop it in real quick and i'm like
oh jesus what's going on here and and the lady's like well see the thing about that is to deal with
your astigmatism and your conic uh cornea is that every time you blink it will slightly rotate stay in place
and i was like and i'm like how long will this take to get used to and she was like you know
some people 15 minutes some people a week and i'm like oh well fuck walking around like i'm used to
it now i have it in but that feeling how different is it is it better like is it
are you like wow suddenly my left eye is effective or it was yeah it was weird leaving there i was
like looking at brands of things uh at costco where i went and like looked around for lenses
and i was like look at that look at that sale over there that's 20 off i would have never known
10 minutes ago i just would have had this fucking big gigantic oh man that's crazy i even talked to him i was like uh so you know they tell you around
like 25 or so you can get lasik because that's when your eyes are supposed to drop off from
getting significantly worse and i was asking him i'm like so lasik for me what do you think doc
like when's that going to be in the mix because i have people in my family who have gotten it and they love it and i really want to get lay sick to fix my eyes
and he was like yeah no you're you're not going to be eligible for that you're your cornea is too
thin already i would never recommend you for that i'm like all right well just fuck me then you know
my optometrist he was he's looking at the glasses and this i was like yeah you know they said that
i had to come here that you know i couldn do it at LensCrafters or whatever.
And he's like, yeah, yeah, I mean, those guys are good for vanilla, but you're a little bit rocky road.
Yeah, I hate the eye doctor.
I've never felt so guilty going in there.
He gave me a spiel where he was like, how long have you had these in?
I'm like, well, 45 days.
It's only rated for 30, and I lied to him about the 45.
I had my other ones in for like a full two months.
And he's like, yeah, well, I can see that.
It's like, oh, can you?
Mr. Eye Specialist, you debunked my little fib right there.
It's like your dentist.
You've been flossing.
Fuck no, I haven't been flossing.
I don't floss.
That's your job.
Yeah, you floss.
Absolutely not. I know Woody's a super flosser. Yeah. Fuck all that. I't been flossing. I don't floss. That's your job. Yeah, you floss. Absolutely not.
I know Woody's a super flosser.
Yeah, dude, I floss all the time.
I have toothpicks.
I can't floss, but I use toothpicks.
You can't floss because you have a...
I have a bar right there.
I got that here.
Because I used to have braces.
I want a bar.
And I used to have glasses, too, because I have a lazy eye.
And, you know, like, people think lazy eyes are eyes are like people that have eyes like that, you know.
But it's actually, it's something like inside of your head basically.
But I think it's the connection from my eye to my brain is not very well.
How do you say that?
It's not very well. It's not say that it's not very well well not effective it's
not developed exactly it's not very well uh developed and and that might have been like
because of my birth you know do you see the scar like right now you're first born
vaginal second second yeah and i was pulled out with like um forceps yeah you guys come from
parents with tight poo tangs go on pretty much but um i'm like i'm like
half blind with this eye um but the interesting thing is like i can i can see the difference
and it's it's it's insane like you can't imagine how it is to to be like half blind until you're
like half blind in one eye and then not blind at all in the other eye. So if I close my eye,
I cannot barely
read the chat from here.
But with my other eye, it's perfect.
So sometimes when I'm bored or whatever,
I close my good eye
for like half an hour
and I just go and look at
the world and everything looks like
very dark.
I can't
disclose that.
I go
around for like half an hour just
walking like this or I put something on my
eye and
everything's like really dark. It looks like there's
a really dark filter on everything and
it's all really not sharp and it's like a bit
of tunnel vision.
And then I open my other eye and it's all really not sharp and it's like a bit of tunnel vision um and then and then i opened my
other eye and it's like i was reborn the whole world is like shining and everything looks beautiful
yeah and it's like it's finally daytime but uh it's like honestly that eye for you and for me i
think it's like a piece of shit on a really good sports team that you don't realize how much they don't belong on the Stanley Cup winning team
until you take out the good guy.
And you're like, well, this guy's not doing anything on his own.
That's when I knew I had to go to the doctor like a week and a half ago.
It's like to read things that were far away, I caught myself just going like this,
just closing one eye and using the good one.
And it was like, I can't be going into this at 24 24 so i went to the eye doctor because my wife pressured me right my both my
son and my daughter got glasses and they're both happy with them and this and that and she's like
you've got the worst eyes out of all of them you should go so i went and i got a prescription but
then recently i've been coding a bunch for woody craft and um uh it's killing me right like i can't read very well
only my right eye really works the left eye is too blurry and i like it just it's not nice at
the end of the day i'll be exhausted like that half an hour that i just like chill or something
maybe watch a netflix show my right eye is so tired i watch through my left i'm like well this
just fucking not working for me at all and And today I ran out and got the glasses made.
Did they dilate you?
I'm so glad.
They did for the – it took two eye doctor's appointments to get the whole thing figured out.
When you have double vision, one of the things they want to do is, like, exhaust the eyes.
So the first trip they did the dilation and, like, inspection.
And then the second trip I did pretty much, like, eye exercises for quite some time like look at far look at near look at left look at right cover this
eye try to do this try to look through this prism that prison this and that until you're like i
don't know like tensioned and then then they start the real exam i hate that eye dilation where they
they put that yellow goop in your eyes and suddenly your pupils pop up like a heroin addict like i did that like four years ago uh i was getting new contact prescriptions
and i went in i had driven myself there and they put it in it was huge and the guy's like i'm still
not getting enough so he put a little more in and I must've had like saucers for pupils. Cause I
couldn't see anything. Every little bit of light was like, ah, like couldn't handle it. And as I'm
leaving, he's like, uh, you had someone, someone drive you here, right? I was like, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I'm good. Cause I'm not about to hang out at the eye doctor for an extra four hours until
this wears off. And so I just get in my car and like, I'm hyping myself up. Like you got it.
this wears off and so i just get in my car and like i'm hyping myself up like you got it you can do it you look really close you can see yep it's 3 15 in the afternoon so it's a little bright but
and so i i drove around all the way back home just i squinted trying to use my my eyelashes
to filter some light out it was so dangerous i can't believe no? I didn't have sunglasses. I just had to white knuckle my way home.
You needed some blue blockers.
You needed those thick, crazy dark ones.
I'm so glad I don't have to deal with any of this stuff.
I've got good eyes, I guess.
They dilated my eyes, right?
And then they had me wait in the waiting room for like 20 minutes while it fully took effect.
So I'm in the waiting room reading my phone,'s read it or something like occupying my time and like minute by minute i'm losing my vision
you know like i i could still see this like fight like my addiction for just constant information
input is fighting against my vision and yeah have you ever had to have a helper i i walked out um
like a helper to get back to the waiting room.
Like I had to walk out outside of the – like I didn't – it was at a new doctor's office when I was not in St. Louis anymore.
And I only went to that place once.
And I didn't remember because it was through a couple halls.
And I walked in.
They dilated me.
Took my contacts out and everything.
Like, all right, just go walk to that other area.
It's right across from the waiting room.
And I walked out and there was like a crossroads of two places i could go
and obviously i'm staring down one couldn't see the area staring down the other couldn't see the
area a nurse had to like walk by like i was a senile idiot in an old folks home be like are
you lost are you okay so i'm just trying to get to the the station the doctor and then he's like
just put your hand on my shoulder and i had to walk with my hand on her
shoulder all the way there like i'm like an asshole i'm so glad i'm not alone because this
whole thing would have been laughing at how old i am had you not also had bad eyes that's the
direction now we're just all concerned that 25 year old taylor is falling apart like this
now it's just sad i feel like if the end times come like if there's a zombie apocalypse like
you're a real liability because we're not gonna be able to get that prescription filled you got
you have glasses i suppose that's why i'm getting glasses that's right of course yeah you talked
about that yeah for the zombie apocalypse if shit goes down like that's literally part of
the motivation i have three months of survival time and then it's
like well my eyes are too dry everybody now just let you know take these out throw them away i'm
now you have to completely take care of me now i'm an adult man child
zombies yeah i think you're right smell You smell weird. My knee-jerk reaction was that was a crazy idea.
Like, oh, yeah, end times.
But now it's like, you know what?
You do need to ensure that you have vision regardless of what goes down.
That's a pretty basic need.
Yeah, it's not my stockpile of ammunition we're talking about here.
I just want to make sure I can see my hands.
Yeah.
Did I wipe well or not?
I just don't know anymore.
I just don't know.
Do you guys want a new topic?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, you still have your sense of smell.
Of course.
Nope.
Missed it again. I saw this and thought of smell. Of course. Nope. Fished it again.
I saw this and thought of Taylor.
The chemical
flavoring in an e-cigarette
has been linked to lung disease.
And when I first saw it, I was like,
ah, well, you know, like, what's the science
on this thing? Like, what do we really know?
And it turns
out that it's tied into
popcorn lung. Have you guys heard of this?
Bronchitis obliterans.
Yeah.
Yeah, like Kyle said.
Bronchiolitis obliterans.
Yeah, bronchiolitis obliterans, I guess.
I think he did a good job.
Anyway, popcorn lung is something that's happened for a long time.
It's literally the people who make popcorn, but it's not the popcorn itself.
It's the butter.
So that butter, like dusting stuff that they put in there
is a hazard to your lungs.
And a lot of people got sick and a lot of people died
before they traced it to airborne,
like micro particulates that people breathe in.
And it turns out that the flavoring that goes in popcorn is either the same
or very similar to the flavoring they put in an e-cigarette and i i don't know it's diacetyl
have you ever heard of this do you think it's in your e-cig not e-cig they are calling them
e-cigarettes but vaping is not all e-cig, I don't think. Do you see?
It's the first word in the article I linked.
Yeah, I'm looking at this too.
No, it's vegetable glycerin, propylene glycol,
which I think that's what they use in asthma inhalers.
It is.
And natural flavoring and artificial flavoring and nicotine.
So it's got none of those. It could be artificial or national flavoring and artificial flavoring and nicotine. So it's got none of those.
It could be artificial or national flavoring
though. Like what's that
what's the
flavoring chemical?
I think that's what they're talking about here.
They said it was in 75%
of flavored e-cigarettes.
Now I guess some of them aren't flavored.
But
I don't know. I don't know i i i don't know
i'm gonna keep doing it go ahead i mean you're an adult you know you can not even do anything
you wanted but uh i i just it came to my head i was like because my position on this stuff from
whatever six twelve months ago was i don't know how it's dangerous i just suspect they're going to tell us that it was
dangerous all along right like like remember the 40s when they told like gis to smoke cigarettes
and it'll calm you down it'll be something to do like in between periods of dangerousness
have a lucky you know i'm starting to go the other way on this
pulse the anti-smoking thing i'm starting to think that was a lot of propaganda.
They really got us all thinking smoking was just the worst thing ever.
But how many people really do die from it?
Like, how dangerous is smoking compared to some other vices?
I just don't know anymore.
I feel like if you can smoke, you know, 20 of these things a day for 10 years without,
I've read you can smoke for 10 years in a pack a day
without any permanent effect.
That seems like a lot of use
for something that's poison.
It's probably less dangerous than McDonald's or salty foods
for that same amount of time in a high amount.
I feel like the things that are
really bad for us are the ones
that if you had a little
of it, you would get sick.
Like poison, what I consider poison. Oh, did you get some poison in your food? Don't eat that or you'll die. that like if you had if you had a little of it you would get sick like like like poison what i
consider poison like oh did you get some poison in your food don't eat that or you'll die don't
eat that you'll get really sick eat that five times a week and you'll get so sick but like
with a cigarette it's like so could i smoke a hundred of these in a row and not get sick oh
yeah totally huh well how bad could it really be i think it depends on the person too. Like I think for me, cigarettes would be awful.
And I base it on this.
When I did woodworking, at first anyway, before I got good equipment,
I breathed in too much sawdust.
And some people breathe in this sawdust for like a decade and it's no big deal.
Other people like me do it for six months.
And I legit had asthma that impacted my cardio and ice hockey. Like it was, it sucked a lot. And then when I inhaled,
it'd be, I can't even do it, but it was like this asthmatic,
raspy like constricted. Yeah. Taylor did it better than me.
And it was, it was just, it was like, it was terrible.
I was one of those lucky guys that was semi-immediately.
Six months in, and I had asthma and awful lungs and stuff.
I believe everything in that article,
but I wish that the amount of danger was put into perspective
and compared to something that is substantive,
something that I know what it means.
They're saying, oh, that's dangerous.
And I'm like, well, how dangerous?
As dangerous as not wearing my seatbelt one day a week?
As dangerous as what?
As dangerous as using artificial sweetener in my coffee every morning?
And they probably go, oh, no, that's much more dangerous,
that artificial sweetener.
In which case, I'm like, well, fuck it.
Because I like the Splenda.
I'm not getting rid of it.
And at some point, what's more dangerous that artificial sweetener or if you're pouring a bunch of actual sugar and just consuming that much sugar every day you know
like all the studies they've done on aspartame have come back that it's not harmful
like i i looked into it pretty in depth a couple times msg2 i thought it was bad for you i went
as soon as i read about it, I went and got
myself a big fucking can of it.
It's delicious. I put it in everything.
All my
food is full of MSG now. It's wonderful.
I started reading about how it's...
I started reading the chemistry
behind why it makes it taste
so good to our brain. Something about
the... It's a different
kind of salt on a chemical level.
And I was like, wow, there's some science backing up
why this should taste good.
I read about MSG and I was like, what the freak is MSG?
I could take a shot at what it stands for,
but like what is it?
Body of sodium glutenate or something like that.
Yeah, and I was like, apparently it does something
I don't understand
called flavor blending.
Like it takes disparate, am I using that right?
Disparate flavors and makes them just work better together.
Yeah.
I don't know.
In a basic way, it just makes it taste good.
So like, yeah, so like when I'm making hamburgers,
I'm like, yeah, a little bit of this on there.
Making French fries, yeah, let's put some of that in there.
Everything gets MSG now.
It's delicious.
Everything in Kyle's kitchen, full of gluten and MSG.
Oh, yeah.
It's a very Georgia home.
I love the gluten t-shirt you put there.
Oh, yeah.
I think it's my favorite one in the store so far.
Yeah, I like the gluten shirt as well.
I'm liking the tranny expert one for Kyle.
It's perfect.
He just demonstrated that he is the expert by what heyle it's perfect and he clearly he just demonstrated that
he is the expert by what he's like oh what do you think of that kyle's like oh that's man
that's uh jody q i think i recognize her from a few films but it's like like those boobs were so
big and like fake looking that you could tell that she didn't start with much fat there
so either it was an incredibly flat chested woman to begin with or it was a dude and plus
and the dick also she had a dick
that's when i knew it wasn't even like a little dick either she like like she had a pretty big
dick so it was and we were still like, yeah, that's an eight.
You know?
Now that I know
she has a dick. I mean, yeah, right? I thought she was
a seven, and then I saw her...
Then I saw that she had a big
dick, and maybe an eight now.
Yeah, Kyle,
you really are good at that.
I'd like to make... That should be something they do on the subreddit, is they organize, Kyle, you really are good at that. I'd like to make...
That should be something they do on the subreddit
is they organize
ten slides and it shows
the face and the upper body and then
the lower body is like click to reveal
and you see either a dick or a twat
and see how good you
actually are at that. I bet you could get
seven out of ten.
I guarantee it. I think definitely
so. There's some, though, that
have we ever went on
back pay? Here, I'll give you
some examples.
I feel like, I don't know if
I'd do better than Kyle getting 7 out of 10,
but I think I'd like them all.
Yeah, what do you feel like?
What's the problem here?
They're all 8s. I can't tell who's a guy and who's a girl but they're all really pretty
oh she's got a really cute adam's apple
did you see the new south park taylor did you watch it yet not yet i need to do that oh yeah
yeah get right on season finale very good really so now they do the mizzou thing see once the season finale comes out
you can download the whole season at once it's true it's also on hulu i have it on hulu i don't
have hulu it's all right i love it i love hulu it's got because like all of seinfeld is there
if you're into that sort of thing i made sure i I re-watched all of Seinfeld about a month or two ago.
I've re-watched every bit of South Park.
Literally every episode through season one.
I did that recently.
Oh, have you watched Nathan for You?
Mm-mm.
I want HBO Go.
It's a great one.
I don't have HBO Go.
It would be the neatest thing
if someone were to, I don't know,
message me on Reddit with a login and password
because that would be awesome. That's risky changed it for the long for about four years
i had my friends or my ex-teammate from hockey in high schools uh login information for that
and nbc sports network and i gave it to like probably 30 i gave it to kyle and uh i used it for years yep he used
it for years and all of those people like i would reconnect with them eventually they weren't even
like good friends it would just be like have you guys seen game of thrones what's your name steve
take this use it whenever you need it's on me well it's actually on bill but whatever and uh
all of those people when i
reconnect i'd be like have you even watched that show like yeah man i got a couple of my friends
into it i i fucking guarantee that 1200 1300 people had this login just through the wow
out effect i gave it i gave it to two people but i was of course i was like look i think isn't even mine the guy who gave it to me it's not
his either i was like use this sparingly like i don't know because only like one or two people
can watch simultaneously so i remember like game of thrones would come on and i would be like
clicking the refresh button on like on like the season the whole seasons page so that you could
get the next episode as fast as possible and get in there and i would never be as fast as everybody else you could never get it at first person that's what we
did too and in college you'll be sitting around and just come on come on fuck bill it's your
account but you have to get it first every week like and just waiting oh it was awful it got to
the point eventually where they clearly couldn't watch anything either so they just
canceled their whole subscription because every time they went on at least like five other people
or whatever the limit was watching something if that's the one i i don't want to say who gave me
mine uh because they weren't supposed to like you know it wasn't theirs so i wonder if it's the same one but it was a kitty i would never say such a thing um yeah you think it was
that one because this is it mirrors my experience it also got shut off so everybody on the call
someone i haven't talked to in seven years
do you think kitty had a different one um Kitty was using Taylor's at one point,
but we went through the years, I'm sure.
If you look at that thing I linked you to,
a list of transsexual prostitutes,
and there aren't many of them that would fool me.
And you have to skip the ones that are clearly photoshopped or whatever,
because that's not fair.
This is a website for a prostitution? Yes constitution yes second one looks like a girl to me
let me they all look like guys they're all they are all guys yeah so the second one i'm clicking
her she has a youtube video you can watch here that's that's uh friendly wow. That's crazy.
She has a YouTube video?
Yeah, you can play her video here,
so that way you know she's real,
because she's like, hey, and she's like...
Where is the video?
Are we looking at a different one?
Her name is ExoticTSPlaymateEva?
I'm going to link you directly.
I don't see any of that stuff you're saying.
It says ho, ho, ho, ho, ho on her profile though just three hoes yeah this is something i should have went incognito for
wow this girl's i was about to say this girl has a big booty it's it's a guy
it's a guy yeah i think they have the think they have the sizes on there too.
Some of them says like eight inches.
This looks like they injected,
like you know that when those people inject that synthol
or whatever into their muscles,
and it looks all fake and gooey?
Yeah.
That's what that person looks like.
Like that looks like they're just,
you'd slap them and they'd vibe,
like jiggle around for 30, 40 seconds.
Oh, here, Woody, it says,
celebrity confidentiality agreements welcomed. Oh, here, Woody. It says a celebrity confidentiality agreements.
Welcomed.
Oh,
nice.
Yeah.
God,
what an interesting,
what a world we live in.
You guys are so confident.
These are all like,
I feel like you're saying you can tell like from the,
whatever,
like waist up that there are girls.
What I'm suggesting is fine. You know, get, get, get a, saying you can tell like from the whatever like waist up that they're girls what i'm just saying
is fine you know get get get a get a slideshow together get get like six uh six ladies that
you find on back page and compare them with just six you know porn stars or whatever models exotic
random chicks from the internet what have you you. Because some of these girls look...
I don't know what...
What do they want to be called?
Transsexuals.
Some of these transsexuals look like straight-up girls to me.
I'm scrolling through and I haven't seen one
that I felt like would fool me yet.
But is this confirmation bias?
Are you knowing that they're transsexuals saying...
The fact that we're on this forum means that you're going to be on guard.
Right.
Some of them I can see where I
but because of the setting
we're in and the fact that this one's holding his
dick, that clues me in.
I see the penis.
That's always a...
I know that I don't always...
I feel like
here, check out this girl. Yeah, please share because I'm looking through and trying to find one that I'd like here, check out this girl.
Yeah, please share.
Because I'm looking through and trying to find one that I'd be like,
ah, no way.
And do they want to be called girls?
Yes.
I only want to call them what they want.
Yeah, the female pronoun, yeah.
Okay.
So if you check her out,
if you didn't know she was transsexual, I think you wouldn't know she was transsexual.
So first of all, it's not fair if they're Asian because a lot of them have those flat faces that are just indistinguishable one way or another.
I can't tell with Asians that as well.
Asians are cheating.
Did you hear that?
For those of you already working on making that slideshow for Kyle.
The Kyle Tranny Challenge.
No Asians?
I feel like you have to slip in some Asians.
I'm not good at... I couldn't tell.
There are a lot of Asian
transsexuals that I would just not be able to tell.
Because one thing, they're smaller
in stature, right?
They're thinner arms.
They just have... The average structure of maybe smaller in stature right they're more you know they're they're thinner arms like like they just
have they have the the average structure of maybe an average asian man is not as dissimilar to uh
to to the females i'm pretty sure i've been told that it's transgender and that transsexual is
something different or maybe it's yes transsexuals in the url so i feel like they wouldn't get that
wrong yeah no they do they would be the ones
to know. I really don't care. There's a
bunch of dudes here who look like hot women
and we're trying to find the one that looks the most
like a hot woman. That's what's happening.
Okay, well...
I mean...
I'm trying to find a good one here, but
when you turn on the videos,
the illusion is shattered.
Right?
That's what I'm saying.
I'm using all the evidence at hand to try to find one
that I really think would deceive me.
All right, so the picture you just linked,
oh, okay, she has multiple images.
She does.
I was trying to sort of, I feel like if you saw every image,
there'd be a couple there that gave it away more than others.
So she has some pictures that I'm just like
couldn't tell from that
on that page the
second one where she's wearing a white dress
to me is not her most
flattering if you're going for the
girl like thing actually it's
the tits are so enormous that
that's a bit of a thing
like they're huge.
Yeah, she's close.
Yeah.
That one in the black bikini that I linked, the last one, is to me the best picture.
The first picture.
Oh, that one.
Oh, the brown bikini.
I'm looking at that.
Like, I would not.
I would, like.
That's not fair because it doesn't show her face.
Yeah.
Like, I feel like there's a lot of people that could pass if you just showed their chest.
You'd pass, definitely.
Yeah.
I feel like there's a lot of people that could pass if you just showed their chest. You'd pass, definitely.
So is there a section of Amsterdam you can go to and shop around for things like this?
Yeah, there's the blue light district.
Oh, there's other lights.
How many are there?
Just red light and blue light.
In the district, you have certain areas.
So you have the, well well I call it the cheap one
I don't know if I can call it that but it's a big black ladies
And it's a it's like one street and you can go there
So if you're into that you can go there and then you have the the trends cheaper
some sometimes it's cheaper and
And then you have the transsexual part
or transgender or anything.
But it used to be
or it's still a guy that's there.
It's called the Blue Light District.
So if you're into that, you can go there.
And then you have the
just everything
mixed up, which are the most
of the time the very, very
hot ladies.
50 euros. So that's like a career for them oh just like they are there like little
girls there who are like when I go up I'm gonna work at the red light district
and they you know get all excited for it and they go try out and just get fucked
for 20 years and retire the girls in the red light district are very very hot you
say they're there like if you'd go there for, like, a night, you just walk around to see, to look around.
You definitely see probably five, maybe nine and a half out of tens.
Sometimes even, like, you're, like, 9.9 out of 10.
When I see documentaries on TV about the Red Light District, they are fives.
Like regular women.
That probably when they're not being prostitutes, they're just soccer moms and stuff.
They look a lot better than those PBS specials when it's like, you know,
Whores of Atlanta.
And it's like missing teeth and like shaking of atlanta and walking around and it's like
and like shaking because of severe alcoholism in a gutter hey i produced that documentary
that's why i mentioned it i won't have you slander it
no no witty definitely some of them are like on porn star i told him honey i won't let him talk to you but i'll talk about you like that that's mean it is porn star level can be anything now though but i mean like i mean like
porn star just applies to anyone who has sex on camera for money i think right like that seems to
be the top-notch porn star level yeah an 80s porn star is probably a really pretty person. A 2015 porn star can be anyone.
You know, it's all sorts of varieties and stuff.
I disagree.
I'm a porn star right now, boys.
You disagree, Kyle?
Yeah, yeah.
I think that the talent has gotten much better.
I don't think that women were...
I don't think that the women who were in porn
were as good looking back in the 70s and the 80s
as they are today.
I feel like now there are some gorgeous women in porn.
There are just some top, top ten, top tier ladies out there
because there's so much money in it.
And you've seen people like Jenna Jameson
make a whole empire out of it.
I feel like there's much hotter women in porn today than there ever have been.
Then Jenna Jameson and Amberlynn and all those old stars.
Well, I wouldn't lump Jenna Jameson into the 70s and 80s
because I think she was more in the 90s.
Yeah, you're right.
She's 90s and aughties.
I don't know.
Have you ever found those weird 1920s or 30s porn
online where it's like yeah so old the guy's got like a curly q mustache and a hat on you know
there's a uh you can see a whites only water fountain in the background and they're just
banging and it's like it's not even arousing It's just like you're trying to put yourself in the headspace of someone from that era who got a hold of that and then found a way to play it, first of all.
And they were just like, oh, my God, this is so fucking hot.
This is so hot.
Oh, look at that.
Hey, everybody.
Erwin, you know, Edgar, get over here.
You know, we got to take a look at this.
Look at that guy.
The headspace I'm in when I see that is that the distribution didn't go very far.
Look at that bush.
Right?
So it's like, you know,
honey, honey, come here.
Look, that's Susie and Larry.
You know, like their neighbors.
They're from six doors down.
We found their sex tape.
Look what they do.
You should do that.
Like the rich guy who's like jerking off
to that old school porn
and how awkward it is between him and his projectionist. He's like jerking off to that old school porn and how awkward it is
between him and his projectionist
he's like yeah
roll it back roll it back god damn it
yeah you fucker
do you think that was the same thing that people do now
where it started off slow
and I'm here to give you
your typhoid shot
and then bring them in
and they're like
skip past all this, skip this
no foreplay for me
let me get to where tits are at least, Jesus Christ
don't eat a lot
oh is that a mick?
I lost it
here's 730 pounds of film, splice this together
into a compilation for me
I'll light that on fire, no one can know of this
yeah that would be the dirty porn of the
day it'd be like mick fuckers like like all ladies with irish dudes like like big red beards and red
bushes and shit i heard someone else say this first but one of the things that happens as you
get older is like you look at milf porn and you're like that just looks like regular porn to me
that's a nice young lady that just yeah what is she 32 30 29 milf form i guess
technically her kids too but i i feel like 35 i feel like milf should should have a 35 or older
like uh requirement built right on in there that's what i that's true i i feel like it should
like because i see 25 year old milfs on there and that just doesn't make sense to me i believe that she's a mother that i just don't think the title applies
like why does the that person being a mom make it better i see it like along the line of the
amateur porn right like there's something more approachable about it like you know this person's
putting on a show and this is her 1200th film
this person you know is only with this boyfriend and you know they just aren't shy and i don't know
somehow it seems more approachable that might be it yeah or maybe reliving some fantasy like oh
mrs johnston after soccer practice like thinking about whatever you think i'm always
reminded that my mom watches this show oh i was thinking about that uh your mom watches this
earlier she'd be guilt porn like you make comments like ah it sounds like you guys came out of tight
vaginas i didn't have that problem i'm just like his mom heard that i just cartwheeled out of that
thing and i don't know what goes through her head when she hears that like like like maybe she's
like it is too but but like how do you say that like right like it's just the most awkward awful
thing ever i'm glad i'm glad i didn't talk about the tightness of my mother's vagina and then had
her have her watch the show i didn't talk about mine i talked about my mother's vagina and then have her watch the show. I didn't talk about mine. I talked about yours.
I felt you were alluding to.
I specifically
left it out. If you went there,
if you went to my mom's vagina, then that's
on you. Did I pull a wings redemption
and go down the rabbit hole?
It's all good.
Most of the show has been
in the rabbit hole at some
point so far.
I tried to take us to Most of this show has been in the rabbit hole at some point so far.
I tried to take us to e-cigs.
It didn't stick.
We're right back to tight vaginas.
Jordy, have you played any Fallout?
Are you into Fallout?
Yes.
I got pretty mad when Woody cut off Fallout Talk or was trying to.
But I've played it.
It was my first legit Fallout. Like two months ago?
Or a month ago?
Anyway.
Don't know when.
But I was like,
ah, fuck you, Woody.
I also have to say,
I kind of liked the jokes last week.
They were so bad
that they were pretty funny.
Or was it last week?
I think it was last week.
I think it was last week, yeah.
To what level is
your fallout character um i think i got to 50 okay and i i fit i i did do uh two playthroughs
uh one was the institute with which i thought was my is my favorite by far um I don't know, like, I can't spoil anything.
My first character is level 60 or 63, somewhere there. I did two playthroughs with him, I
just reloaded and went back 20 hours.
Yeah, that's what I did too.
I did Brotherhood of Steel once and I did Minutemen once. Both of them are kind of lame,
I thought, and now I'm doing a whole new character that I made to look like Steven Seagal.
And he's just dumb as a brick.
Like one intelligence, ten luck.
Yeah, get the luck perk because then you can just level up all the time.
All my points are going into luck.
I got the Mysterious Stranger pop up.
I got the VATS critical bonuses everywhere.
The dumb luck thing is so great, though.
It literally has a stereotyped retarded guy come on the screen and go,
like, randomly, and you get five times normal XP.
And every now and then it hits on a big mission win.
And I've gotten 1600 XP twice
out of it just from beating little
quests here and there. It's awesome.
I'm really...
Melissa and I, she puts it in our Let's Play.
She did all luck and
it seems like half of the way that we win battles
or long fought battles
is like 10 shots in, the mysterious
stranger just comes up and caps him in the back
of the head and then that
is like
pops up and you get quadruple
XP and that pays
dividends. It's so good.
You're not getting as much XP
normally because you have the low intelligence
but the idiot
savant perk like kicks
in and gives you that huge multiplier
at random and sometimes uh i guess like
the higher levels of it you'll have a limited period of time where every kill is giving you um
a multiple of xp um but yeah i'm putting like lots and lots of points into sneak ninja melee
that's the best and uh luck so melee only now for the most part yeah, I'm nice and bonus right yeah, it's all if you sneak up
So so what who are you going with though like well this time?
I'm doing this time gonna do the railroad because I didn't do any I just killed the whole railroad the first time that's what I
Did to reading about the cool bonuses you get you get there's a little suppressed 10 millimeter pistol
that's badass that has vats multipliers and
They have their own like
special armor uh some sort of like i think it's like the full outfit yeah yeah i want that so i'm
doing i'm doing the railroad this time and really enjoying my low level like level 16 level uh
steven seagal character that doesn't look very much like steven seagal but it was as good as i
could do you did your best yeah did you did you sit there for like an hour, like really working hard on it,
and eventually you just became disillusioned?
Like, you know what? It's good enough. Well, see,
you can change your character at any time in the game
by going to Diamond City,
the Diamond City Market, and
talking to the doctor, and you get
facial reconstructive surgery, which is like 10
caps or 100 caps, and you basically go
back into the face manipulator,
so you can always go back
and tinker a little more right now steven's got a smush nose you weren't going for christopher
walken with that i could have when i saw you send a picture and it it was him i was sending you an
example of someone else's that's incredibly good i wish i could do that if there was a way i could
like load his file and have that i would but like i'm doing doing Steven Seagal because it seemed like a dumb
melee character.
He seemed like the guy to...
That's a good pick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so he's just a big, dumb,
lucky guy.
Oh, never mind.
Carry on.
Why don't you do what you did
with Geometry Wars a few years ago
and just give the account briefly
to someone to design the face
and then give it back.
I would love that.
I wish there were a way.
I guess I could do that, right?
If you trust him.
You're a save file. You can transfer
your save file.
I need a Fallout face designer. That would be great.
I really just need to play on the
PC, because I bet then there's mods.
Oh, you don't do it on PC?
No, I'm on my Xbox right now.
Eventually I'm going to move over to the PC, because I'm already seeing cool mods.
Like I saw...
It changes the sound of the laser to the
pew, pew, pew.
You also have the...
I forgot.
I love these mods.
I won.
The unlimited settlement
build space
because I was building. I was like,
what is this bar?
Because I played it before release
and there were no guides on anything.
So the bar was like yellow or orange or whatever.
I'm like, what does it do now?
And then it goes, you can't place anything down anymore.
But now there are mods that you can build
whatever you want.
Wherever you want as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wherever.
And you can build in red too
and you have like extra items for your settlements. And you can build in red too, and you have extra items for your settlements.
So you can have one of those ships, the flying ones,
the birds, whatever they're called.
Yes, and then you can have one just in your settlement.
That's badass.
And then you can just have a bed in there, and it's really cool.
I really enjoy it.
I sit in bed and play, and my girlfriend watches me,
and I kind of talk through it with her.
I'm like, all right, so we're going to go in here now.
So I'm going to take this Med-X and this Psycho,
and I'm going to immediately crouch and go into VATS
and hit and B and VATS and hit and B and VATS.
Do you have the teleportation perk already?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was great.
And the chainsaw is amazing too.
Yes, the Ripper, the upgraded Ripper
is the best melee weapon in the game.
The speed is so fast, it instantly disarms
anybody you're fighting against. But, I got
a thing called, I think it was called
the Instigating Switchblade.
So, it does double damage if
your target's at full health, which is perfect for melee
because they always are. So, 10 times
multiplier, it's already doing
like, I think, 40 damage,
something like that. So it's like
double and then times 10. So it's like
700 or 800 damage.
So like super mutant behemoths, you're just
stabbing with a switchblade.
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
That was Fallout Talk.
That was Fallout Talk. That's how you end fallout talk
any way you end
fallout talk is fine so long as I don't do it
then I'm good
I was like
he's not gonna do it
I was using my time
to find new topics
I have a topic you were stalling
there was a guy let me do mine
is anybody playing call of Duty at all?
Like multiplayer?
Does anybody want to play after the show?
I'm going to bed after the show.
It's like 8pm
and the last time I ate was like
4am this morning.
Oh, you can eat while we play.
It's not like we're going to win many.
It's not like, oh my god, we're neck and neck with the opponent.
Yeah, I'll play.
A kid in North Carolina got sucked into a fucking wood chipper. I texted the link to you guys I don't blame you if you didn't click it cuz you know, it's a news link on your phone
But basically I think he's like 17
The way it happened was like the wood chipper got jammed and he went to kick the limb that was jammed in it and it grabbed
His foot and sucked him in feet first his whole body wood chipper got jammed and he went to kick the limb that was jammed in it and it grabbed his foot
and sucked him in feet first his whole body it was his first day in the on the job too first day
they said his friends and like co-workers were like throwing their hats and gloves in the air
and running around holding their heads screaming in the sky like they were just like lost their
shit like johnny got sucked into the chipper right right? Did he die? Yes. He died on the
scene. They're saying of a heart attack,
but, you know, you chip the heart,
it can't be. It was probably the wood chipper.
Not sure.
I can just see the
pause of death. Can I read
this? It's about a 60 second
read. Hit it. I
found it. Alright. A teen has
died in North Carolina after he was pulled into a wood chipper on his first day on the job.
Mason Cox, 19, was putting tree limbs in the wood chipper outside a job site in Kings Mountain
when the business owner John Crawford and other workers heard the machine get bogged down.
WRAL-TV reports Cox was attempting to kick a tree branch that got jammed in the machine when he was pulled in.
Crawford hit the kill switch and put the machine in reverse, but it was already too late.
Cox was pulled into the machine, sending his coworkers and boss into a tailspin of emotion.
The colleagues started running around in shock, ripping off their gloves and their hats.
Crawford, meanwhile, suffered a heart attack at the scene and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh, Crawford is not the guy that cox went in crawford's the boss who had a heart attack at
the scene and was rushed to the hospital ah cox had just started working for crawford's tree and
stump grinding surface a service on saturday the victim's grandmother told wsc or whatever
that she had been haunted by thoughts of her grandson's final moments.
How could this happen
to such a vibrant young gentleman?
OSHA is investigating the accident. Police ruled
the accident is accidental and no foul
play is suspected.
How terrible.
That's gotta be, you know, like, you could always
say, like, you know, worse ways to die, and someone
could be like, oh, maybe I just, like,
cut you slowly apart for six months. Oh, well, maybe seven months. Like, you get weird worse ways to die, and someone could be like, oh, maybe I just, like, cut you slowly apart for six months.
Oh, well, maybe seven months.
Like, you get weird with it like that, but
this, getting sucked into a woodchipper feet
first, has to be up there,
right? You'll probably
pause out anyways, like, if it hits your
knee, you're... Yeah, I think you hit shock by the
time it's at your calf, and you're dead
soon. Can you imagine
a longer four seconds than watching
by a wood chipper how much of him was left right like there's no way it sucked well
based on my watching of rumble in the bronx a couple of garbage bags full
like so he hit the stop thing and, and the machine was bogging down.
So did it bog down on his tailbone?
No, what I was thinking is that if one foot, here's the grinder,
one foot kicks in there, this gets stuck and gets sucked in.
Like, it's not going to, is it going to pull the whole body in?
I would think that this leg goes in
and it kind of tears it off.
Well, the way those chippers work,
they're like opposing claws
turning against each other.
So they're just shredding you
and tearing you into little bits
and then extruding those bits
and throwing them into the thing.
It's ripping you apart a little at a time.
It's not like it's pulling you in
like some sort of Play-Doh machine or something like he's being destroyed as he's being eaten and and
like chipped he's being chipped i thought this was going to be like a whole lawn service operation
where i was gonna be like okay maybe they shouldn't have had him on that the first day
but it's you know larry's stump and chipping emporium. And the first thing they tell him should be,
hey, this is the wood chipper.
Don't kick into it at any point for any reason.
Have you ever worked on a wood chipper?
No, but I'm...
Oh, I think I need to fix the images.
Like, that's pretty awful.
I've seen videos of them.
I've never worked with one before,
but I would have so much respect for a wood chipper.
Like, I would be so...
Like, just a PTO on a tractor.
We've talked about that multiple times.
I would have a lot of respect for that piece of machinery
and be fearful of it.
And if anything, if a tree limb's jammed,
then it's time to turn the wood chipper off first.
Like, not gonna see if I can...
I don't wanna flip the switch let's just
kind of just just poke at it yeah my great grandpa he was a farmer in southern missouri
his whole life and he was messing with a thresher when he was younger and it just
the whole time i knew him he's been dead for like 15 years but he just had like a finger and then two-thirds of the finger and then like
no fingers just like little little nubby little nubs yeah just on his hand and he would just like
warn you about farming equipment it's like yeah that's all right i'm not gonna not gonna do that
like not gonna fuck with it but oh that would be's something about industrial machines like it some machines
do tasks that the human body would have no impact on and i think a wood chipper is one of them like
there's what do you say wood lathes and metal lathes in general i have especially a metal
lathe like i've worked with wood lathes but i didn't have a very good one i guess you know i
was turning table legs but if it it
could get bogged down i could feel it every now and then like but a metal leg sometimes it has
momentum the piece can be quite heavy that's true too but but with a metal lathe there's no
you'll be cutting you'll be cutting metal with this thing it's it's it's it's carbide on steel
and you don't feel any resistance you don't you can't tell the the the mechanism is working
any harder than what it would be if it were spinning freely it's geared so lowly so low
and it's got i think mine's got like a 200 and it's it's a massive motor on it it's i don't know
we got three phase power it's fucking huge it's got so much power that i see people they'll they'll
put their hand on the uh the work piece and let it it spin in their hand and all it takes is for it to grab you once
with some sweat on your hand or something
and your whole body is getting sucked in there.
If you're lucky, it'll deglove you.
I don't know.
You said it could grab you.
If you wear gloves,
sometimes it's more apt to grab you.
Why would you even touch that?
Like just get cocky and think you're the master of the farm?
Are you spreading oil on it?
Or are you just being careless?
There's no good reason.
It's not how you do it.
I mean, there's an oiler sitting right there next to the lathe.
There's no good reason to.
Just being a jackass, being bored.
You can imagine someone stupid, though.
Like, picture a cylinder that's spinning.
There's too much oil here. There's none there.
You could just make a mistake
and make a bad decision.
I suppose so.
That's a really awful story, though.
I hate to get chipped.
His family must be really torn up about it.
Oh!
They're in pieces.
That'd be great if that was the quote from the grandma.
Like, how are y'all dealing with this?
Oh, we're all torn to pieces over here.
Just trying to put ourselves back together
one piece at a time.
We're just putting one foot in front of the other.
Oh, no.
If there's a heaven, we're not going.
I'd already resigned
i blame quibble cop we're normally so nice
probably not a lot of farm equipment to get fucked are there are there a lot of farmers
there and not at all oh yeah there are but not not in the city obviously because i live in the
city but like uh if you go for a 10 minuteminute ride, it's just farmers there with cows and chickens and just basic farming stuff.
I never go there.
I'm like a city boy, so I like it in the city.
Is it mostly farming there or just corn and stuff?
Milk, cheese, corn, or whatever that is.
I'm really not a farming guy, so I wouldn't know, but it's just...
It's green.
It's coming out of the ground.
It's coming right out of the ground.
It's like free money.
And we have tulips and loads of flowers.
The Dutch and their tulips.
All the colors.
We also grow weed in the fields. No, we don't
actually. Well, there's got to be
a couple of big weed fields out there somewhere.
I don't know how it works, but
I think some
places they're allowed to
grow weed or something like that.
They also have these labs where they grow
specific plants.
I really need to look into it.
I really would.
In America,
definitely, because it's
being legalized pretty much everywhere
every now and then. It's
popping up. It's dropping.
Canada, I think, just legalized it.
I know they're like... Federal level.
It happens next year. Okay.
So that's a big market, but not giant
giant. As big as they are in land mass.
It's really big market, but not giant, giant, you know, as big as they are in land mass. It's really big, though, because, you know, like the more accessible it is, the more people that will start using it.
It could create new markets.
And the more educated the people are about the drug, you know, the less risky it will become.
And then it will be more acceptable in society.
Just compared to America, their population is not as large.
But in America, like it's like, oh, you know, it's legal in Colorado, Colorado, Colorado. it'll be more acceptable in society just compared to america their population is not as large but
in america like it's like oh you know what's legal in colorado colorado colorado there's
like five other states i can't even name maybe that's a stretch washington oregon colorado
california everything but officially legalized um who else has got it now it's been criminalized
in a lot of places um you know in uh in houston it's decriminalized i a lot of places. In Houston, it's decriminalized.
I'm 95% sure.
Houston?
Yeah, Houston Tech.
Wouldn't have expected that.
Maybe Austin, I might have thought.
But Houston, that's...
Yeah, I wouldn't have anticipated that.
I just, like...
I don't want to invest in, like, some lighting company
or some watering facility.
I want a mutual fund that puts together people
who will benefit from a boom of weed,
people who look into it for me.
Well, maybe you should put the mutual fund together
and should make your money that way.
I think you need a license for that.
The green fund.
You know what?
You guys handle the business end.
I'll do product testing.
I'll be one of the investors too.
Don't worry.
You guys do all the work,
and I'll be the Steve Jobs of pot going out there
with a shirt and sneakers
and jeans.
Remember how he had the story
about how he throws the iPhone in the
aquarium and the bubbles come out and he's like, ah,
you can do better. He goes, Taylor's over there.
This is pussy ass shit.
This is frankly unacceptable, guys.
Back out in the field, buddy.
Back out in the field.
Which would make me happy.
Let's back on the tractor.
When I'm finally okay with it.
Perfect.
Perfect.
You're like, well, no, I think we could do better.
Just to be sure.
Yeah, I would like to find a way to get into that business somehow.
Like maybe throwing some capital at a startup here wherever it's
going because there's going to be a lot of money to be made and i can't imagine something more fun
than just fucking around with pot all day and working on business to do with that like
it's going to be laid back your customers aren't going to yell at you. It's not a high stress.
Yeah, Woody, you'd have to start smoking to know what was good for your customer.
Or eating.
You can eat it too.
You know, I was just headed there.
I feel like the hypothetical pothead Woody would prefer edibles, but it's my understanding that that is not a beginner's ingestion method.
I have a fun story
about this.
I do not like to inhale
anything. No
cigarettes. I've never smoked. I've never
smoked any weed.
Injections?
No injections.
But I hang
around with a lot of friends
that do drugs, which is fine
in my opinion, as long as they do it
safely. You can
get your ecstasy test, for example, over
here too. You can just go to
a place, give them one pill, and they'll
test it for you, or half a pill. You'll be like,
you won't die if you take this, right?
Who's got half a pill
of ecstasy to spare?
It's really cheap over here. It's really cheap over here.
It's really cheap over here.
You can get a pill for like $5.
So you can get it tested and stuff like that.
And then we go and party, and these guys are taking their pills.
I'm just drinking a beer every now and then, just taking it slow.
Because I know the next day I have to record videos.
I have to work all day, so I don't want to be too hungover.
And this one day, we were just partying, there was loads of food, I was eating all the food,
and then they ended up with brownies or cupcakes.
So I ate a cupcake, it was nice and and stuff and then a guy came up to me
and he's like so do you enjoy the cupcakes i'm like yeah they were really good like what was
inside of it was like chocolate or anything he's like no man there was like loads of weed in it
i'm like you're joking right he's like no i put like 12 grams in like four cupcakes i'm like
like i do not do drugs right like i i'm like, so what's going to happen?
And he's like, yeah, like, it's going to take, like, 15 minutes,
and you're just going to be gone.
And me as a non-weed guy, non-smoker, I've never done weed before.
I'm like, I'm going to die.
Were you mad or scared?
Like, I'm going to die. Were you mad or scared?
It's like I know, like, there are a few risks to using weed.
But I was a bit scared.
And then I realized that the worst thing you can do is freak out in a situation like that.
So I just sat down and they were playing Guitar Hero.
And I just let it sink in.
And I remember the exact moment when it kicked in
and that was
it was at New Year's Eve
yeah
and
because we were in a safe area you know I was with
friends around
and you know it was
a good party and then
all of a sudden the neighbors like across the street
because this is like apartment apartment blocks and stuff uh we heard like really loud fireworks and like a door got
like blown open by by some fireworks so everybody went to the window and we stood in front of the
window and after like half an hour of standing in front of the window i realized that we'd kicked in
and we saw like the police lights flickering and I was standing there like oh wow
This is beautiful, and that was the that was the first first time. I was I was ever stoned, but and it was by edibles and
It's it was
It was
Thing about it was way too high it I got way too high and then I walked her walk back home
Doesn't last way longer
yes
it lasts a lot longer
I think I couldn't move for the first two hours
pretty much
did you feel like your whole body was vibrating
or was your vision coming in like frames
I
can't remember
did you also get
ears from a guy named Mikey B?
The guy there was a drugs dealer, so it was his stuff.
But they get like the really strong stuff.
But it felt like I wasn't inside of my body anymore.
So it felt like my skin was a second layer or something like that.
And I remember I had to pee, but the it didn't feel like it was coming out of my dick
So it's like you're sleeping and dreaming that you're peeing
But then I was dreaming you were watching the action happen, but you weren't there
I don't feel it. I don't feel it coming out
Yeah, so I got drunk basically and it was all good like I told the guys like next time just don't feel it coming out um yeah so so i got drugged basically and it was all good like i
told the guys like next time just don't do it again like i you know please don't drug me again
yeah yeah and then fun story um it happened again i got drugged again
even though you asked them so nicely. It was not by those guys.
It was actually in America
and this was pretty recently.
So
I was there. I was at a party
and this is like
I can't say what event it was.
It was in Seattle. It was PAX Prime.
It was pretty recently
and
it's legal there to consume marijuana. So I was there
and we were at a party and I was really drunk. I'm not even allowed to drink in America.
It's like 21 is the age, right? I'm 20. I'm like, come on. It's been legal in the
Netherlands since I was 16. So I was drinking there, breaking the law.
And I got pretty drunk.
And we were there with like big YouTubers.
We're talking like maybe 20, 30 guys above a million subscribers.
Really big names.
And obviously, I can't say who drugged me.
But he's a really nice guy
i can't say who drugged me but he's a really nice guy excellent zombies
we were we were really hungry and i was like mate should we grab some food he's like ah don't worry i still have some candy right and i'm like he's gonna like, he's gonna drug me. He's gonna drug me, right?
And I go and ask him.
I look him into the eyes.
I'm like, mate, like, are you about to drug me?
Is there, like, drugs inside of this?
He's like, oh, no, it's, like, caffeine candy.
I'm like, how'd you get it?
He's like, yeah, so, like, a friend gave it to me and stuff like that.
I'm like, I don't want to eat it.
Like, I bet.
And he goes, like, no, mate, mate like how much wheat can there be in it it was like as big as like a like like that big pretty much
like there's no way like there's no drugs in there he's like no no no like legit and um
who says mate and legit did Did KSI drug you?
Well, like I hang out with loads of the UK guys too.
So, you know, I kind of – I'm not allowed to say trash can anymore, for example.
I have to say bin because that's what all the UK guys say and chips and fries and crisps. So KSI.
He didn't drug me.
Don't worry about that.
I want to hear where this goes.
So you know there are drugs in it.
So I was like there's drugs in there, right?
And I go like, who gave it to you?
Because I asked him a few times.
And then he points at a different guy.
He gave it to him.
And I look at him.
I'm like, what's up with it?
He's like, no, no, no.
It's good.
It's good, right?
So I eat it, right?
Because I'm hungry.
Why? And I get some food. really he wasn't really drugged because he decided to do drugs no no like i did you were really drunk
i i was really drunk and i thought like i legit asked a guy like i'm not joking i looked him
into the eyes i'm like are there drugs in here he He's like, no, it's just candy. So I'm like, well, you know, what the fuck? Why not take a bit of candy? Right. And, um,
and then there was, there was drugs in it, obviously. And, um, he actually got it from
a different guy. The guy I looked at, I was like, is it good to take? But he didn't know that I
didn't know that there was drugs in it so so he
thought you're like hey are these drugs good he was like yeah good drugs man
yeah the guy felt really bad for not telling me there was drugs in it and you
know we were still really good friends but So you had like a really powerful cash oil Chiba Chu. What kind of drug was it? Marijuana?
Yeah, it was weed. It was weed.
But it started kicking in.
And I went up to my roommate, my housemate, because he was there too.
And I looked at him.
I'm like, bro, I think I just got drugged.
And I just started laughing.
And then he was like like don't worry about it
don't worry about it and then we went back to the hotel and I think I spent like two hours just
chilling in bed and everything was spinning because you know that's when it kicked in and
I was like I don't want to be at a party with like this many people I have a reputation to keep up
with and like the most responsible thing i could do
was probably just try to sober up as soon as possible so i would just went back to the hotel
room and and had a terrible night and then wake up woke up the next morning with a terrible hangover
and um then continued my uh my trip what an awful way to do weed.
Everybody I know who, in the presence of weed,
someone will offer, like, hey, you want to smoke?
And they'll be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Those people are always the ones who only smoke or do weed
when they are blackout drunk.
And so they'll be blackout drunk, and then they'll, yeah,
I can try it this time. And then they do it
and they just get cross-faded
and get the spins and they just hate their
life. And they convince themselves that it's that
and not the
prerequisite alcohol for that
little concoction. But I don't
do any drugs at all. Like, I don't mind anybody
doing any drugs. Not on
purpose anyway. Yeah.
You do lots of drugs just accidentally.
Yeah, it happens.
And then this one guy, this guy shot me with a fucking
dart gun. Heroin.
Fucking heroin.
Every Saturday night for three weeks.
The box that I'm smoking.
And he said, yes, they're
really great.
Those are my only
two drug stories, by the way.
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we were talking about this earlier like i make sure to that my underwear gets washed so i can
you know make the two pair that i have last all week if i can yeah they should really send you
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some underwear yeah because i prefer that to buying it yeah i'll send jord family some underwear Because I prefer that to buying it
Hell, send Jordy some underwear
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He'll be the one making money
Yeah, it really does a good job of framing your genitals
If Kyle's expressed it correctly
And that's half the battle right there
Is the framing
Making sure that it looks attractive.
Takes your junk, puts it on a shelf, holds it up, and says, here I am.
Exactly.
You don't want that loose kind of baggy.
If you've ever seen your grandpa's boxers or something that you have to borrow if you're going hunting and you didn't bring enough or something.
We've all been there.
They're just loose and big never worn my grand
can't get over the thought of thinking my grandpa's dick was in these two and it's just like
you know it's not great doesn't lift in frame uh this modal it lifts in frames i've never had a
grandfather you never had a grandfather they were all dead before i was born well one actually i think was alive but he
ran away he was a dick yeah he ran away i'm never coming back mine ran away too did he really yeah
what's the story um uh abusive guy who ran off at some point to texas he died in dallas in 1994
uh i never met him when we found out he was dead everybody was like oh good all right then some point to Texas. He died in Dallas in 1994.
I never met him.
When we found out he was dead, everybody was like,
good, alright then.
We had the opposite. They found out he was alive and they're like, damn it, I can't collect social security.
Are you sure?
I don't think he and my grandmother
legally divorced. I mean, for all
practical... She had a boyfriend when
I was a little kid. But they've been separated for... She had a boyfriend when I was a little kid,
but they had been separated for like 20 years or something.
Yeah.
And he was a drunk and he beat them and stuff.
They were all happy he was gone.
He slapped my grandmother in the ear,
so she was permanently deaf in that ear.
That's a good slap.
Yeah.
That's a really sound, like perfectly percussive,
suction-y slap.
And it's raised it.
It's not an uncommon thing
for getting slapped in
the ear apparently i think i think no i have a friend at my age now who's deathly afraid of
getting his ears touched like if you even like go up to touch his ear he'll freak out and turn
around at you because another one of my friends who was just a rabble rousing asshole like in
middle school we were all eating lunch and we saw him sneaking up behind this other guy because i
was sitting on this end of the table he was sitting at the other
and he gave us like a shush thing and we're like what the fuck is he gonna do to him like what's
gonna happen and he walked up and we expected him to kind of like pull his hoodie and like yank it
over his eyes or something and instead he just goes whop and he just boxed his ears incredibly
hard to like it was like like a loud like those big-handed old guys who clap in
church so loud it was like one of those noises just and it just hit him and he just dropped to
the floor freaking out i can't hear i can't hear man i'm fucking deaf just spazzing out about it
now he's like graze his ears he's like you're bossing PTSD
he's like the retarded brother from there's something about
Mary
wouldn't let you touch his ears
he wore the earmuffs all the time
that's great
my friend's mom
people who knew me as a teenager, Matt's mom
she had a
Q-tip in her ear
and then for whatever reason
while she was doing this she found cause
to raise her arm up like that
and her deltoid pushed the Q-tip
into her ear and broke
I don't know what's in there
like some sort of, I picture it like a drum
you know, like a membrane or something
your ear drum
right, poked right through it
and
it hurt and she pulled it out and then she just kind of, like, went with it for a while.
And this ear wasn't very effective.
Like, it wasn't doing its job.
And, like, three days later, she's just like, you know.
Every time I take a shower.
Kind of deaf in this ear.
And she went to the ear doctor, and they were able to fix it.
And they somehow repaired it, and she regained the use of her ear fuck like regrow on its own yeah i've had my eardrum i think it was
my left ear it burst because of an infection that i just put off for so long from swimmer's ear
like just show for the longest time i just kind of let it happen how old were you
uh 19 18 or 19 i did a similar thing i i sorry to interrupt your story but i had a so in my case it
was strep throat and i knew i had strep throat uh i was one of those kids that got strep throat like
way too much and you know so i am like an expert in strep throat detection and um you know I but I
always had like a mom to like tell and you know she'd take me to the doctor and get whatever
antibiotic fixes it something sill in all the time and um this is my I was a freshman in college
off on my own having to first like the first time I ever made my own health decisions so I made a
terrible one which is like a strep throat probably goes away.
I don't know if it ever goes away, but it didn't for me.
And it just got worse and worse and worse.
And I entered this like sickly cycle
where like I was dehydrated, but I couldn't drink.
My uvula was like, I don't know.
Like a testicle.
Yes, perfect.
Maybe a little smaller.
It was like a little over an inch in diameter, like a sphere holding there.
And it obstructed my breathing, but it certainly had it.
Every time I swallowed, I'd swallow the uvula, which was really painful,
and then it would come back because, of course, it's attached to the top of my airway.
God damn!
Yeah, it was so bad.
And I was just deteriorating into nothing i
couldn't drink i couldn't eat i'm sick and i'm five dollars worth of penicillin what the fuck
exactly so uh you just don't do it you just when you're that age i did the same thing my ear got
so bad that like i would wake myself up in the middle of the night like i'd have to fall asleep
on this side of the pillow and just stay perfectly still couldn't move my head and like at like
3 a.m. every night when I rolled over I'd wake up just oh oh oh I just roll
over under my ears all right it's insecure it when I lay this way I don't
move yeah I'm fine I was dating Jackie at the time and she's like I think we
need to take you to urgent care and while I couldn't seem to come up with that idea on my own, I was able to agree to it.
And she took me to urgent care.
And the doctor said that this is the most classic case of strep throat I've ever seen.
And like the most classic.
So he gave me, like you said, you know, like five bucks worth of pills.
And that, I've told this story before. that's when I learned how effective medicine was.
I always thought, like, you know, like, did this ibuprofen really make my headache go away?
Am I less sore because now I'm moving around or because of this pill?
The effects were always subtle.
But when you have awful strep throat and you take penicillin, in two hours, you're a new man.
My lady was the lady doctor I talked to for that ear thing was like, yeah, if you'd come
in two, two and a half weeks ago, we could probably stop this.
But at this point, it's just about, you know, dealing with the burst as best we can.
It's like, so when's it going to happen?
She's like, really?
Could be today.
Could be tomorrow. But you're going to want to take these pills,
and it'll heal up.
Oh, that's bullshit.
You may not be able to heal here okay for a month or maybe two months,
but then it's all better now.
I went home that day and just took,
my mom had some old Percocet from one of her surgeries,
and that's like a painkiller that people who get addicted to those take them,
and then they just are buzzing or whatever you feel like when you you do those and i took a few of those because the pain
was so intense i just i couldn't handle it i was like i don't even care if someone else needs these
in the future i just took however many i took just went downstairs and just felt so weird just like i
was floating my whole body was vibrating there was no pain it was kind of nice but i can see how
people get they can they can drain that my my sister used to we we
both used to get swimmer's ear all the time from diving down to the bottom of the pool
and hers was so bad that they eventually like put tubes in her ears so there's like a hole in the
uh there's a tube that links that is positioned there in your eardrum so they can't see it really
it's in there oh yeah it's it's inserted way in the ear and it's like it makes a little canal through your
eardrum so that it can i guess drain but i would every time i got out of the pool if i would always
put um alcohol i guess it was like half it was like diluted alcohol in my ear and you know that
dries out all the water what do you do you're the who should know. How do you avoid swimmer's ear?
There's a technique to shaking the water out.
Like, you know, it's fun.
I watch non-swimmers, and they're, like, jumping around, doing shit or whatever.
Yeah.
But a swimmer, it's the pull back up.
You just sort of shake it and then jerk your head back jerk your head back up and it'll it'll drain on the spot yeah i have you ever done the thing i'm
talking about with alcohol i've never needed to do it feels so good really my um i have swim with
people who i guess they didn't either didn't know the technique or didn't have the same years
and they would get those tubes inserted every season. Yeah.
Their infections were bad enough that they consistently had to get the tubes.
Yeah, I didn't want any part of that.
We lost Taylor there.
I saw that.
I'm so hungry.
I wish there were food delivery to my house.
I'd be so fat, though.
If I didn't at least get the exercise it takes to go get the food,
I'd be such a lard ass. I love it, though and whenever i'm in a situation where i can have food delivered i take advantage of it i see it as like a little treat like i'm sure there are millions of people
who have just always been able to be like oh yeah chinese and it comes to their home but i've never
had that you don't even have pizza no no nothing i don't we have uh we have everything like sushi pizza subway no no subway but pretty
much anything that's the upside of being in the city i am i was having i like papa john's it's
my personal pizza place not my personal favorite pizza place and uh i went online to order it
and they said that this address was associated with someone else's phone number dr chiz like owns the online access to ordering papa john's like i can't set up an account on my
own address with like um you should tell him to delete dr chiz all right well delete that other
motherfucker because he don't live here no more like i don't know how that phone bill your house
is sold or something i don't know what the works. What if a house is sold or something?
I don't know what the scoop is with it.
They need a phone bill with your name on it
or something like that to get your pizza delivered.
Yeah, you have to call them if you want it to happen.
Or just give them Dr. Chiz's phone number.
They'll send it right over.
He probably has his credit card on the account and everything.
There you go, free pizza.
Now you're talking.
Yeah, I wish there were pizza for me.
No, nothing.
I got to go.
There's a Wendy's, I don't know, within driving distance that's not too bad or anything.
There's a Mexican place near a driving distance for you.
Yeah, but I don't like that place.
I don't think it's very good.
I feel like that place is probably great your first couple of times because I liked it.
But my suspicion is you
eat there after your fifth time
and you're done with it.
I don't know. There's a similar
Mexican restaurant in the town over and
I've eaten there maybe a hundred
times literally and it never gets
old but this one's I don't know. I don't like the fried
rice. I don't like a lot of things they do. I don't think it's
good food and I don't like dealing
with those dirty people. Dude I want to watch Cripple Crops do. I don't think it's good food. And I don't like dealing with those dirty people.
Dude, I want to watch
Cripple Cops video.
I was about to say, let's switch the
subject.
But I should
introduce it for a spit.
In between
the period of me being on
PKA the last time
I was here, I
saw my dad, finally finally after seven years of me not seeing him.
I think last time I saw him was when I was 13 years old.
And he just disappeared.
He took all my university, saved up money for me and my sister.
And he just left
within a week like he was just gone
he was living at my mom's place
but first I was living at my dad's
and my mom's place so he kind of just
disappeared and I didn't hear from him
for about 5 years
6 years
and then he contacted me
and my sister and he said he was living
in Cambodia which is in Asia, very far away.
And we talked a bit on the emails, and he explained what actually happened.
And I think about half a year ago, he contacted us again.
a year ago he contacted us again or not he didn't but somebody else did and it turned out he had two tias in his head which are like blood uh blood gets stuck in in like a certain area in the brain
and then um it doesn't get any oxygen anymore so um he had to go from cambodia to back to the
netherlands because because there was terrible health care over there.
And in the Netherlands, they pay for everything.
So he went into revalidation or I don't know how you say that.
Because he couldn't walk anymore.
He couldn't talk anymore.
He couldn't ride anymore.
And my sister went to see him.
And she said it was really good.
And I kind of still had some daddy issues, and I decided to go and see him too.
And I vlogged everything, and it was really good for me.
Very emotional, but very good.
I'm curious.
Why did he end up leaving?
That.
He had money issues mainly.
Everything summed up um and he was it was
nearing the six digits so he was pretty serious have you forgiven him for that is it is that
something that you that you'd think about you're like ah i can let that slide yeah yeah i did
did did that take a while did you were you mad for a long time? I think because you don't know where he went.
You don't know what reason it was.
You're like, my dad's leaving me.
He can't be, you know, you can't do that.
Like, he has to be a mean guy.
And that's why I decided to see him.
And I saw him in the state he was.
He's like, you know, like if you don't see somebody for seven years,
like they totally change.
Because I still had the image of my old dad in my head.
And, like, you know, he could barely walk, could barely talk.
And that's when I told him, like, I forgive you.
Let's watch this.
Yeah.
You guys ready?
From the start, I need to get some tissues.
I'm not even joking.
Alright.
I think it's good, though.
Because, you know, every now and then
I still cry a bit.
But I think it's good to let go of the emotions.
And, you know,
even a grown-up man can cry.
But I might shit it here.
Give me one second.
This is YouTube views, man, right here.
Quibble comes right in.
It's a title.
Well, not when you preface it with that.
Now nobody's going to feel the magic.
Got the tissues ready, boys.
All right.
I hope that my audio is cracking up a bit.
I closed every app I could.
All right.
We'll do this.
You ready?
Set.
Play.
Cops, welcome back to my channel.
Today, I have a very special video because I haven't seen my dad in about seven years
since I was 13, maybe 14 years old.
That's the last time when I saw him.
He had a lot of issues going on in his life, especially money issues.
And that's why he left the country, went to Cambodia, which is on the other side of the world.
But a few months back he suffered from 2 Tias.
Which is basically a stroke in his brain.
He wasn't able to talk, he wasn't able to walk.
And because of the healthcare in Cambodia, he had to come back to the Netherlands.
He had to come back to the Netherlands.
And here in the Netherlands he's been in a Revalidation Center for the past few months.
Now my sister already went to see him, however I didn't really feel like doing it until I
heard that this Wednesday he's gonna go back to Cambodia and I'll probably never see him
and I'll never get a chance to see him for the rest of my life.
So I decided to go there today with my sister.
We're leaving in 15 minutes and because UK you cups are such a big part of my life
I thought it would be good to
I
Thought it would be good to vlog all of this and as you can see I'm getting really emotional
And it's because I haven't seen my dad in seven years
But because you cups are amazing and you come to make my life so much better
I I thought it would be a nice experience to vlog this
and I just want to say thank you for all the amazing support
and it's really hard for me, it's been really hard for me
the past few years and that's why
that's why I want to show you cups my dad.
Because I have no secrets for you cups.
You cups are my friends.
So let's go and do this.
As you can see, my man tears cannot be stopped.
And just a little message for everybody out there who is having a tough time.
No matter what, just keep going follow your dreams and
Whatever you do life goes on always stay happy, and I'm extremely happy right now so cops even though I'm crying
I'm gonna vlog all this
And I'll see what I can pick out of it so let's
do this this is my sister we're gonna go see our dad right sis are you ready yes
You're taller than him, right?
I am, yeah.
Just a little bit.
Not seven years ago.
The way you describe it, he looks a lot better than I thought he would.
Come on. Come on.
I like this music. Thank you, thank you. This is what Wayne of QuabbleCop. Yeah. I like this music. QuabbleCop is my son.
This is what Wins videos mean.
So now you see...
You see me, yeah. I'm his dad.
Yeah?
Yeah, of course I'm proud.
I'm proud.
I'm proud.
I'm very proud.
Yeah.
Do you have any advice?
He's the best YouTuber.
Yes, he's the best YouTuber.
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, I'm...
I don't live here.
Actually, I live in Cambodia.
You know where Cambodia is?
Next to Thailand.
The capital city is Phnom Penh.
I live in Phnom Penh.
Are you happy to see me?
Yeah, I'm very happy to see Gravel Cop, you know.
He's doing great.
Are you a big fan?
I'm a big fan, yeah.
Okay see you cops.
Give me a hug. fan yeah okay see you cops
so cops we just said goodbye to my dad yeah he's flying back on Wednesday he's
flying back on Wednesday and it was really nice seeing him again for the
first time in six seven years and he was really happy to see me he said he had a
lot of stress and he really missed us me my sister and I'm happy to show you this
because me my sister we did miss him yeah really long time and he said he
likes my youtube channel and he follows it.
And he saw me on television and he's really proud of me.
So I'm happy that he's happy now.
And he also said that he was really, really sad at one point that he didn't see his kids for such a long time.
So we're glad that in this state he is right now, he managed to, uh, be still behind.
Yeah, that he managed to see us.
That's great.
Well, you guys have the same hair.
Cops, I just got back home and I had a great time.
I was happy I could see my dad.
She's a year older than me.
I didn't cry.
No.
You can if you want.
I got a bit teary-eyed.
I was
struggling with it at first
though because it's so
many emotions you get all of a sudden.
It's very
hard to describe.
Sometimes I just got really pissed off
at some friends of mine for no reason.
So I told them like just emotionally unstable right now.
Like they would do something in a video recording
and I just freaked out and just walk out
and I cried every now and then in between recordings.
But it really, like I think it happened once a week at first
and then it happened happened once a week at first.
And then it happened like once a month.
And now it's a lot better.
Why was going to Cambodia helpful for his financial situation?
I think a good friend of him, a few friends of him, they lived there.
And they had a place over there.
And because he had to pay a lot of money to Dutch companies, he went there so they couldn't charge him for that.
But now that he had to go back, he gets money from the Dutch state but because he went back
he now has to pay a few
hundred
to like pay off
his debt but it's also
like pretty much everything is really cheap there
in Cambodia too so
that's why he went there
it just seems like such an interesting place to go
you know you never hear about anybody just
like packing up and going to Cambodia.
I know I have a few t-shirts that were made there.
Rambo did.
Well, okay, Rambo did. But that was a movie, Kyle.
This is real life.
Damn good movie.
Seems like the Caribbean should have been in the...
My uncle lives in the Caribbean.
Yeah, that's how you do it.
It's like somewhere everywhere
on the world.
I like youtube videos that
are that show genuine emotion like i like them a lot i i hate to mention my video in the same
breath as yours but my dog died and uh like i don't know maybe 90 minutes later i made a video
about it just because i had seen videos i was sad i was really sad um and I had seen videos. I was sad. I was really sad.
I had seen videos where people captured that before and I was like,
I really enjoy these so I guess I'll do one now.
Next time I see you in person,
Kyle, that'll be the first time
in how many years that I've seen you.
I'm going to go up to you vlogging
and crying.
You have to do it
with no contact though. I'm in seven years
or pretty much seven years without contact. Oh, I know. I'm just going to act like it's such a big deal to be it no contact though. I went seven years without or like pretty much seven years without contact.
Oh, I know.
It's such a big deal to be in person with him.
It's never been the same.
Seeing Kyle after seven months.
Yeah.
After six days.
I guess.
Another reason
I made the video was because it's
like a therapy for me, you know, like I do
this as a daily job. I make videos and stuff. And I felt like if I'd be able to share my story as
how I experienced it, it would be a lot easier for me to process and for my friends to understand.
And I got like, obviously I got loads of people supporting me and they were like beautiful video
and things like that. It just, it's just a bit easier to to process but uh i'm i'm very very happy it was it was very hard and i you know i i struggled with
it for a very long time even after the video because you you're just gonna miss somebody
like because you know like i might not ever see him anymore but it seemed like you and your sister
have a really good relationship yeah yeah because mainly because we
had parental issues um because my dad got replaced by like a not so nice stepdad too so uh my sister
still yeah it's a lots of family drama and then uh then all of a sudden i started working really
hard and it got really big on youtube so it kind of went from a very shitty childhood to what it is right now.
A very good young adulthood.
Yeah.
Yep.
Pretty much.
And now I'm going to spend all my money on hookers and drugs and I'm going to die at 24.
I give advice not to do that.
You do?
What?
Why?
Come on, Woody.
That's so stupid, man.
Wouldn't you rather flame out than slowly fade away?
No.
Have fun.
Because, you know, like, my mom, she's still,
she's a really, really nice mom.
And if I do something stupid with my money,
she'll just go crazy.
And she checks my, she doesn't check my account,
but my accounts, but my accountant uh she has a
she has a good like connection with so if i'd be to buy like a car for whatever how much money then
um she'd know straight away and she'd not let it go she just send it back are you buying your
apartment with cash um alone uh so so my accountant um is is like a good dutch accountant and he told me to uh
he he was like well you i could i could pay it off straight away the money's there um but he said if
i if i get a mortgage uh then it'd be more um tax efficient or whatever you call it.
So I'd save a lot of money on taxes,
and then I could just save a lot of money.
So I think I'm doing half paying by cash,
and the other half will be... Because that's like your workspace?
Yeah, it'll be my workspace,
and I'd have to pay off the money, and then I don't have to pay taxes over the
money I pay off for my mortgage or something like that.
It works really weird and complicated in the Netherlands.
But it ended up being...
I can also get a mortgage of my own company.
So I own two companies right now and I get a mortgage from my own company and
then I have to pay my company my money but over the money I pay back all the taxes. I
don't have to pay taxes over it.
Are you leasing the space to yourself basically?
No, no, no. I get a mortgage from my company with myself.
I'm loaning the money to myself, and then it cuts off 30%. Like 30% you don't have to pay on taxes or something like that.
So you can save a lot of money through it, and that's how I'm doing it.
Do you get a good Jewish bookkeeper? Because that's what you want.
He's a Dutch one, which is very greedy, as Woody knows.
He's a Dutch one, which is very greedy, as Woody knows.
I always look for a Gold or a Steen in the last name of whoever I'm asking for help.
His last name is... I'm going to translate it now.
It's not even a joke.
Just wait for it.
Wait for it.
It's...
Wait for it. It's, um...
Wait for it.
It's going to be good.
Wage.
Wage.
Wage is his last name.
Wage.
Wage.
That's pretty good.
So, uh...
I just remember in Boardwalk Empire,
Chalky White, the black guy,
he's in jail,
and his wife asks him,
you know,
do you have a good lawyer?
Is he a good lawyer?
He's like,
he a Hebrew gentleman. He's like, he a Hebrew gentleman.
He's like, so yes.
I can't speak to the
taxes stuff. It sounds like you've got that
under control. But I'm glad that you're not
in debt, right?
I play really
safe and I still have like two months
of YouTube money still has to come in.
So I already know what that two months is going to be because it takes two months to to arrive so i know like
if i go all ape shit i still have that spare two months of salary that still has to come in
but i try to do because you never know when this is gonna like it has the potential to fall off a
cliff in a way that other jobs don't you know like they get bashy verse right there were these like false rumors that he was a pedo or something they always got
the ages wrong it was like they kept saying he was like 21 and 13 when really they were like
18 and 15 or something and he was like legal still like when when he was 18 right yeah yeah and and
like like any other state it would have been fine but it was like a misdemeanor and they make them
out to be some like felony pedo or something.
I'm close on these facts.
I don't know that I nailed him.
And suddenly, it's a whole different scene for that guy.
In a very different way than you.
He was a, I guess a World of Warcraft sort of shut in,
and he wasn't happy
and then the youtube thing happened and his life blossomed and then that was taken from him uh
based on you know facts that were wrong yeah and uh you know like i feel like there are these bombs
that that could happen to anyone and but that's why uh that's why I try to invest in a house first. And then maybe I plan on buying three houses in Amsterdam. So I'll probably buy the second and third in 2016. But that's just passive income. Yes. So I'll have a house for myself, which will probably be the best one. Right.
which will probably be the best one right um and then i'd have the two other houses to rent out and i can live off that for the rest of my life so whatever happens i still i don't i never have
to work anymore because i still have those two houses i can rent out as long as they're being
rented out um i have a stable income on top of that the um if if it's like the house still has
to be building you invest money in it chances of the price going up is also really big.
So let's say I invest half a million
in an apartment that's being built in two years.
When it's built, it's already $700,000.
On top of that,
the house prices in Amsterdam
are going up pretty fast.
So it's looking very promising.
So I can make on top of that
a lot of money out of it too.
That's cool.
That's my plan.
I've seen a lot of people just go the
buy a Bentley route.
I know enough or a Lambo
or a Ferrari.
The watch is the one I can...
Now, of course, everyone buys the Euro car, right?
There's one thing...
You bought the watch.
There's one thing I like to spend my money on
besides a camera, microphone, things like that.
But just me as a personal thing...
Let me show you.
Shoes, yay!
These are my second pair of pretty expensive shoes.
How much are those?
These are $500.
$500 shoes?
Wait, what's special?
Is that Velcro on the top?
Okay, so it's design shoes, so you're like, why the fuck would you do this?
I don't know anything about designer shoes.
Designer shoes.
I bet your dad met some kids in Cambodia who had a personal hand in them.
Yeah, but you get Velcros and zippers.
But that's my only experience.
I'll just write back.
I want to compare.
Just one second.
Okay.
Yeah, I don't have any nice shoes other than like dress shoes,
like some Cole Haan organized dress shoes.
Like my tennis shoes I buy.
It takes me a minute to go into a shoe store
and pick out my tennis shoes because I walk in.
You have these in the 13?
Send them out.
I know they fit.
Fax it up.
Get it going.
Kyle, you're like the other side of the country,
and it's still irritating, like shining that right in there.
Are we comparing shoes?
Yes.
I don't mean to brag.
I get a new pair every year and uh they were upwards of
1995 and i rock them hard wear these every day they they look good they look very nice
they do not but that's that's my only only expensive. And I bought them, and I'm like, why did I buy this?
Yeah.
Well, the amount of money you save on haircuts adds up.
I bought a watch.
Thanks.
I bought a watch.
I don't know if it was $20 or $30.
It's a fossil.
I don't have any watch.
I do not want to start on the watches yet.
It was $20.
No. I don't get watches either. I can't wear them wear them it's just i get itchy and i don't like it
i sometimes do i feel like i'm i just started wearing it recently but okay let's be honest
do you ever feel like you're having a really good month okay for me it's december right now
this is youtube earnings right yeah cpms are higher i know right and which basically translates
into youtubers make a lot of money in december because cpms they just make a lot of more money
and i was like you know i can i can give myself a little gift and that's why i bought the shoes
but you guys ever ever feel that or is that just me usually come december i'll like i know i just wrote a check for well two checks or 60 grand for my estimated taxes and uh like what are you guys writing
it was this quarter and uh um you know that it helps my perceived wealth drop you know
even though it just went from a you know paid billed it from debt but no i'm not tempted to spend money at all i'm tempted like my bank account hit a certain
amount and then i dropped 60 grand like i'm not happy again until i broke a new high
yeah i'm someone offered to buy me 500 shoes i don't even think i would accept like it would
aggravate me in the moment of like you fucking
Asshole spending this much money on shoes for me. I'm not even gonna appreciate it like I'm sure you like shoes That's your your no no no it's good way. You guys are doing right now because now I'm like. I'm never gonna buy $500
Like yeah, oh yeah, Now hang on a minute.
Look, here's my advice to you.
Every now and then, it's okay to treat yourself.
Because I hear your work ethic.
You've mentioned it a few times.
You talk about being at these parties and saying to yourself,
hey, I need to be careful about what I do.
I've got work tomorrow.
You've got a good work ethic.
You sound like you've got a pretty good income stream coming in it's nothing to sneeze at it certainly not you could treat yourself with a 500 bullshit poof in the
air kind of thing because i don't feel like you're the kind of person who's going to get into the
habit of being like yeah another 500 pair of shoes for every day of the week now now now i want the
blue ones like i don't think you do that i already have the blue ones you're turning gotta have the
blue ones i bought the blue ones first You've got to have the blue ones.
I bought the blue ones first for my birthday.
I will rationalize to myself where it's like,
well, you've already got a handgun or two,
but this new revolver, it's so different.
I need this one.
I need to spend $1,100 on this one.
I see that.
I guess it just depends on what you're into.
That's a dummy gun, right?
Just a plastic gun. It, that's a dummy gun, right? Just a plastic.
It's to demo a laser.
So it's like one that would be normally attached to a gun
store.
I think that's what cops in the UK carry.
Just try and incur them with the laser.
No, no, no. That laser could blind someone
and you wouldn't want that. They do not
allow them to have lasers. They do have a whistle, though.
Not too loud, though. They tone it down.
Yeah, not a loud whistle. Jesus, that's dangerous.
They fire those t-shirt
guns at them, and inside is like a pamphlet
for how to handle PTSD.
It's confetti.
Don't be too shocked. You're in trouble.
Not too much trouble.
No, I mean, I feel like
every now and then,
especially when you're working as hard as it sounds like you're working,
and when you're sticking to your guns, you've got a work ethic and all that,
and you're actually profiting from it,
you could blow $500 to celebrate on something,
to give yourself a thing, give back.
Well, it's a business expense because I make a video on it,
and then it's a business expense.
Absolutely. Save money on it and then it's a business expense. Absolutely.
Save money on it too.
You could pick a thing and we'll find a way
for you to write it off because you're in the entertainment
business, right? Like if you wanted to spend
that $500 on
name a thing. Hair implants?
Covered.
Hair removal? Covered.
It doesn't matter. Anything that you can
imagine, we will find a way to cover that $500 expenditure.
That's not actually true.
We'll find a way to make it work.
He's in the Netherlands, Woody.
They're much more relaxed on this one.
For the Netherlands, I'm really outside my scope.
I bet he can write off hookers.
Can't you write off hookers?
If I make a video on it.
See, I can only speak for America.
In America, there are a lot of things you can't write off illegal activities being one of them um you can't write off speeding tickets and various
fines uh even if they're like done in the name of duty right like if you get a ticket for filming
someplace you're not supposed to then that's not a legit business expense um but you know when it
comes to things like like let's say for example, like, oh, I installed a pool,
but I featured it in a video. No, there's like a percent use thing that happens there.
Yeah, same here.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, if you want to cheat on your taxes, then knock yourself out.
But I just, I always like, oh, don't worry. I dove in that pool in a video once. I threw a piece
of sodium in it and it went boom.
It's a write-off.
No, dude, that's not how that works.
You can't just feature a thing.
That's definitely an extreme example.
You write well on purpose.
Or maybe if you were making swimming videos,
if you had a whole series of videos about...
You need it, right?
If you're a pool repairman video channel or something,
like, today I'm going to show you how to get the alkaline content.
Just right.
Like, if that was your channel?
In the words of my friend who stole all of the lizards and frogs
from the science class my sophomore year,
it is better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
What did he do with them?
He didn't do anything with them.
This guy just had a bunch of lizards
and frogs that he would explain things about
like we're learning about amphibians.
This is a green toad, southern Missouri
whatever the fuck.
For no reason.
He just stole them and let them go.
Just right outside the school,
there's a little, like, patch of trees,
and he's just like, what are you going to do with those?
I just thought I'd let them go, go put the thing back,
see what he says tomorrow.
So it's like, just released all his animals.
Well, were they his private animals or, like, school animals?
They were just there every day, so I don't know.
But it wasn't like he brought them in from home one day.
Probably a little bit of both. It could have been a miss smash there was a
couple frogs and then like they didn't look like rare lizards just say I'm
gonna hate these lamps in there maybe the school probably paid for the animals
but you know your teacher is the one who feeds them takes care of them technically Well, not anymore. No, no, no. Born free.
As free as... I imagine him letting them go and singing that to himself.
Like, run, little guys, run off.
And then just go out in the road, get hit by a car or something.
There's no telling what he released into the wild.
Like, what if it was some sort of Norwegian gecko
and it comes up in there and fucks all the Missouri geckos
until they're extinct or something like that.
Or there's a super gecko race that kills all the chameleons
and now they're fucked or something.
There you go.
It's like with those Asian carp that you see in the American waterways now.
There's things that'll jump out of the water
and fucking hit people in the head.
The arowana thingies?
Those long blade-looking things?
I'm talking about Asian carp.
Let me look it up and see if it's what I'm asian carp here's what we need to do taylor like this would be epic
get on one of those fucking speed boats and they put it like an agitator in the water to really
make the fish angry shotguns shotguns you fucking shoot them out of the air absolutely do that it
would be so fun it would be so fun to do that just just
you know angles of fire you shoot anything on the right side of the boat i'll shoot anything
on the left side of the boat and just just standing on the front of the boat with helmets on
like a face guard and just blasting fish out of the air i want to do that so badly do that
drinking heavily go half mile down turn around and then just kind of with a net just scoop up
all the the dismembered fish.
Have a big fish fry.
I would love to do that.
Asian carp look like regular carp, mostly.
Carp is not good to eat, so we wouldn't want to do it with that.
Like that would be leaving for bears. Something about those Asian carp, because they're non-indigenous invasive species,
it's affecting the ecosystems of our waters in some negative way.
I don't remember exactly.
They're eating the other fish's eggs or they're horning out their prey or something or another that wasn't good.
I know they were making a big deal of it.
New topic?
Yeah, sure.
All right.
I haven't done an Ask Reddit in like a year.
So, Jordy.
Mm-hmm.
You don't think so? I don't know. I was trying to think year. So, Jordy. Purse?
You don't think so?
I don't know.
I was trying to think of the last time you did it.
Most of them are M-I-N.
Yeah, we did M-I-N asshole.
Those are the best.
Anyway, sorry.
Anyway, purses are now fashionable for men to carry.
What's in your purse?
Oh, man.
Purse?
Like a pocketbook?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wasn't sure.
What's in my purse
yeah what would you keep in your purse
I'd have four
things in my purse
my phone
obviously
or I put it in my pocket but I think I'll put it in my purse
every now and then
my wallet obviously
my keys
just a bunch of keys.
And my vlogging camera.
What's your vlogging camera?
It's different than your phone, huh?
Yes, yes.
I don't like the phone vlogging.
I like where you can just flip it out and stuff.
Yeah.
But this is my favorite.
I have two of them.
Yes.
So the Canon has an external mic on it, right?
You can plug in a mic.
It doesn't, no.
None of them.
None of these, which are pretty high-end cameras.
But I can show you all my cameras.
I love cameras.
We could talk forever.
But this is my G7X, which is my daily vlogging camera.
Because on my second channel, I do vlogs.
And it's pretty nice.
1080p 60fps.
File size is decent.
Battery life is good.
Audio quality is good.
There's one downside, though.
The colors aren't really good.
And it doesn't really focus most of the time.
But I'd have this one in my purse for sure
but this is my other camera
which is a Sony
Mark IV something
something which shoots 4K vlogging
but the stabilization is terrible
so I stopped using it
plus it corrupted my files all the time
so I'd be vlogging for a day and then everything was gone
but I
just have to
show this it's it's new I'm very proud of it I bet it's the same as mine that's my prediction
I'm waiting on pins and needles titillated yeah oh it's not the same as mine this is my new uh
face cam camera yeah that's really fancy looking.
That's your face cam camera?
Well, yeah.
I use face cam in my videos, every video, basically.
And that's the one you pick?
Yeah, pretty much.
And I have it on a tripod pointing at my face.
But I also do skits and stuff, and then I'll use this camera too.
Plus, I'm going to do some interviews. I have this this light on it now and I can just turn it on and then
Then I can go and interview people on the streets, but this is my most recent upgrade
In the whole setup, which I'm very very happy about well that will not fit in the purse
But I kind of just wanted to start a camera talk.
Cool camera.
All right, so I'm going to want a handgun in my purse.
Which?
Well, I feel like since it's a purse, I'm not limited.
Why not put my 1911 in there?
I mean, really?
I could put a full-size handgun in there.
No reason not to.
I guess I'd put my key. I'd definitely put my keys in there no reason not to um i guess i'd put my key i definitely put my keys in there and i
would have an actual key chain i think instead of like right now i've got like three separate
things because i don't want a big ball of keys but i think i'd have like an actual key chain
with everything on it if i had in a purse um my phone i'd still keep in my pocket i don't want
that you know i want that on me i don on me. I don't want that getting separated from me. I need that. That's the most essential thing I think I have. Sunglasses in a case might be nice, although I feel like I just put them on my head all the time so it doesn't matter.
would be nice i definitely like a knife uh and a pen and a pad i really like if i'm if i'm actually trying to get organized i i can't use an ipad or a digital or an electronic device if i can put ink
on paper and then cross those things out like i can get shit done that way yeah yeah and when i
do it i'm just like motherfucker fuck you you fucking hard ass word to cross out i like it and so pretty much hit everything i would want yeah i so i think i'd have a small
purse it's my preference i still am weight sensitive even though i have a purse now
um i definitely so i think i'd put my phone in it although kyle makes a good point about keeping it
next to you keys would go in it of course um i think i'd pick a smaller gun than kyle maybe an lcr i don't
have that's exactly what i was thinking that's not a big heavy gun and that's walter white's
weapon of choice the lcr is it so it stands for a lightweight carry revolver revolver i have the
lcp that's what i carry now but um there are aspects of it that are imperfect and maybe i'd
choose an lcr if i had a little more space about a nine millimeter 1911 much more much much more lightweight i i that's a lot to me to carry i think
still pretty big for a first yeah unless you want one of those big i'm thinking messenger bag yeah
i'll tell you what i'm thinking yeah i'm definitely carrying a multi-tool um i just feel like i every
single day i tighten a screw or a phillips head or need the pliers or a small knife or something like that.
There's a multi-tool going in there and a knife because I have a purse and this little extra space.
What else goes in the purse?
You could have it mounted in the purse.
So it's like, that'd be great.
It's going to be carried a lot
and fired a little. Or never.
Yeah, hopefully never.
But I don't know. I just don't want a full-size
9-11.
If you've got that thing in your messenger bag,
you're going to want to brandish it every now and then, right?
Yeah, that's a good point. Someone cuts in front of you
in line, steals your parking spot.
Just to impress everybody.
People are so impressed.
People think you're the neatest alright you're at Papa John's right
you're at Papa John's
maybe somebody cuts in front of you at line
maybe it's time to brandish right
you just want to wave it around a little bit
start talking raised voices
that sort of thing no direct threats we don't want to get
you in trouble but send the message
you want a 1911 you want want a large-framed
handgun. Hypothetically, you go into AutoZone,
right? And you're going to have your
battery tested. So you really want one of those spots
by the front door. Someone's already
there. That's a good situation to bring
out like an AR-15, right?
And ask them to move.
It won't fit in your bag. No, now that you mention
it, the size bag
that I'm talking about, like the messenger size bag, which is what, like the Jim Heldman style, in your bag. Now that you mention it, the size bag that I'm talking about,
like the messenger size bag,
the Jim Holt style big bag.
Yeah.
I could totally throw an SBR in there.
Short barreled rifle.
Yeah.
AR-15 with
7 inch barrel, little short
suppressor stuck on it in there.
That would be nuts so so
are you really like all right no are you sorry are you actually allowed to like draw your weapon
and stuff because like i know i don't know anything about what you guys are joking about
like just waving around like um you know no no asking someone for their parking spot is a bad idea.
I wasn't sure.
These guys and guns, I don't know anything about it.
It might just be normal.
Let's just ask.
You can't do anything silly like that.
You keep that fucking thing hid smart.
There's enough people with guns that if you whip it out and go,
seems to me I'm first in line,
then you slap it on the table. Some behind you i'm first well i got a gun too like that's not what you want there's a the term
is brandish the gun right like yeah brandishing is a crime brandishing is a crime but where
brandishing stops and starts like i remember when i took the the concealed carry course where they taught us what brandishing is the guy was like so what happened here was the story he left um
the grocery store and there was someone following him that made him feel really uncomfortable and
this guy was a retired policeman like retired sheriff or something like that and uh so what
i'm trying to say is his spidey senses might be a little better than a normal person's.
And the guy was following him.
He was wearing a hoodie and he had the hoodie pulled forward more so than –
like a lot of people wear hoodies but they don't cover their heads with them.
It's not back here.
Yeah, it's back here or just hanging off their shoulders.
This guy had his hoodie full forward in like criminal, and it was too warm for a hoodie.
It wasn't hoodie weather.
So this guy's alarm bells are going off,
and he's with his wife, and they pick up the pace.
Well, the guy behind him also picks up the pace.
So he's like, well, we have a problem here.
And he tells the guy to stay away and he doesn't he
pulls out his weapon and this is what he said he goes low ready position is not brandishing you
know i he held it out and he put it in low ready position which i guess is aiming a couple feet in
front of his own feet and uh yeah like if you're shooting a mole rat. Okay. So I don't know anything about mole rats.
That's how you shoot them.
They're vicious.
All right.
So he aimed like a couple feet in front of his own,
and the guy with the hoodie saw that, did a 180,
and walked in the other direction.
That was his gun story.
And it sounded to me like he prevented a crime, I think.
Go to Trayvon Martindom right there.
But the thing that burned in my head is,
Loretty's not brandishing.
Brandishing is some next step, like pointing him at him
or waving it around.
Brandish isn't a word I use every day.
That's brandishing to me.
Yeah, right?
It's an old-timey word, I feel like. That's like something I would say with swords. Brandish,'t a word I use every day. That's brandishing to me. Yeah, right? It's an old-timey word, I feel like.
Yeah.
That's like something that would do with swords.
Brandish, you know?
You probably can't brandish a sword in public either.
Let's look up the definition of the word brandish.
I'm going to guess that it means to wave around aggressively.
To wield threateningly.
I know the answer.
I looked it up too fast.
What is it?
You guys are doing really good.
To wave or flourish something, especially a weapon, parenthetically, as a threat or in anger or excitement.
So to wave or flourish as a threat or in anger or excitement.
So no yee-haw and shooting up in the air.
Yeah.
So he did what they call low-ready position,
which is this thing here, and that's not brandishing.
I thought brandishing meant show, like to show you're done.
That's what I thought, too.
I thought you just couldn't bring it out.
Yeah, well, that's not what they taught us in our class.
Yeah.
You can take it out.
It's just like, why are you taking it out?
What are you doing over there? It's just like, why are you taking it out? What are you doing over there?
You know, like, it's just not smart.
Just like, I don't feel like the open carry thing is very smart.
I've always said it.
Because the whole point, right, if you're open carrying is you want to prevent a crime, maybe.
I'm guessing you want to be Walker, Texas Ranger, something like that.
But, all right, so here's the scenario, right?
You're in the liquor store.
You're packing heat.
You got your full-size pistol on your hip like you're a cop or something.
Bad guy's there.
He sees your gun.
He's going to do one of two things.
He's either going to leave and go rob a different store,
or he's going to kill you right now and then rob this liquor store.
The other scenario would be,
why don't you just have the thing in your jacket and a shoulder rig or inside the waistband, which is really comfortable. There's lots of ways to do
it. Or just in your pocket, in a jacket pocket or something like with one of these tiny pistols,
like an LCP or something. Then in that scenario, at least you've got the element of surprise.
The bad guy doesn't wear his on his hip for a reason. He doesn't want people to know he's got
a gun. It's just not a good idea.
And all you're going to do is make people uncomfortable anyway
unless you have a law enforcement look about you,
which is in its own way kind of...
Unsettling, like a little bit.
Disingenuous, you know?
Yeah, yeah, right?
Like, now you're playing cop
if I see you've got the cop haircut
and you're, you know, concealed carrying.
Kyle always goes with a law enforcement look about him. To me, it's like a farmer look that I see you've got the cop haircut and you're concealed carrying. Kyle always goes with a law enforcement look about him.
To me, it's like a farmer look
that I see wearing a gun.
Sort of a
more redneck thing.
That's not a flattering term.
Yeah, but the guns you would be wielding
aren't like farmer guns.
Farmers aren't walking around with a semi-automatic pistol.
They're not walking around with that.
What kind of
gun would they need like a shotgun with some buck shots there's some i feel like i can look at a guy
and be like that's a gun enthusiast he's got this 1911 on his hip you know he's not a criminal and
he's not a cop i know what he is he's a gun enthusiast and that's his deal yeah but it just
it turns people off to the i think it sets people back with the whole gun thing
like open carry like when you see someone walking around open carry it's it's just like even as
someone like i'm super pro gun but when i see someone with like a rifle slung over their shoulder
and they're doing one of those like open carry walks or something it's like what the fuck are
you on a thing so i'm with you on that i also don't like people walk around with ar-15s on
their shoulders just to prove they can.
But sometimes a guy who has a 1911 on his hip, he's so comfortable with it.
He does it so often.
To him, he's got keys.
He's got a flashlight.
He's got a wallet and a 1911, and you can tell the thing's worn, and that's just his outfit.
I don't know.
It sets me at ease too.
I know his scoop. just i don't think
that uh that josh guy that josh guy who's the friend of jeremy's who's working for me right now
helping me do stuff he just bought a 400 1911 and he's like i got he's like i got my concealed
carry permit got my 1911 he's like now i just need some bullets you got any bullets and i was like
well how many do you need he's like well it I just need some bullets. You got any bullets? And I was like, well, how many do you need?
He's like, well, it holds seven.
I was like, all right, well, here's five, seven bullets.
So he's out there right now, armed to the teeth.
He's ready to defend the Constitution and his personal rights
and whatever the hell else he needs to.
He doesn't have a way to conceal it he doesn't have a holster
you know he's got his car the whenever i hear someone say that their concealed carry is in 1911
i think to myself you're don't actually you don't actually conceal carry you know everyone
conceal carries their full-size gun for about two days and then they're like you know what i'm sure you know a lot more
gun owners than me but 19 the 1911 is hard to do but like the glocks like especially the glock 19
like you can do that fairly well i've got some inside the waistband holsters from
it's a lot harder uh with an inside the waistband holster like if you've got it on the front if you're right handed
it'd be on your right side
and it's pointing pretty much right at your dick
the whole time which has always been a bit unsettling
to me if I carry
in a holster I usually put it on the small
of my back so it's back there
so the worst case scenario I shoot a little ass
cheek off I can deal with that
but I blow my dick and balls off. I can deal with that.
But I blow my dick and balls off like the next one's going in my head.
Round two, right?
Let's get in my hospital.
Like, nah, nah, don't worry about that.
I'm just going to think.
I'm just going to make sure I got my orders and my affairs in order real quick before I put this next one in me.
But, yeah, like the gun is literally like...
I'll stand up a little bit.
It's like there.
So you'll have like...
The gun will be like...
Right at your dick.
It's just not a good look.
I don't like that.
It's not comfortable to me. But I know people that do it like all the time it's right i think i'd carry a 17 long
34 l a little extra are you happy to see me no
i kill you like
i just don't see the point in carrying a full-size gun concealed
when there are things like the LCR, LCP.
You can even get a little Smith & Wesson J-frame, I think it is,
that it's going to fit just fine.
It's going to have just as much power.
There's lots of small guns.
Eric, a RAC veteran, he's carrying around,
last time I saw him, he had a little.22, tiny little baby.22 pistol.
And he's carrying that thing around.
Chad always has a Glock 19 on his hip, though.
That's the compact 9mm, right?
No, 19 is full size.
It's a full size, but it's a smaller frame than the 17.
I don't have one, but this is a 17.
It's a size smaller than this.
It's a 9mm.
It looks exactly like the compact, but not subcompact, right?
I don't fucking know.
Oh, okay.
Let me see.
I thought I...
I never liked the 19 because it doesn't fit my hand very well
the 17 fits my hand just perfectly
I like it a lot
I'm not worth a shit with this gun
I really hate it for trying to hit things
other than something like right in front of you
Glock 19 is a compact
I just looked it up
but not subcompact
but yeah
something like that you can carry
but like a whole 1911 does seem excessive
to me to be carrying around
on yourself because it's
so long and bulky and when you sit down
is the worst part like when you get into the car
it's poking you
in the belly and the ribs in your hip anything
but it's not comfortable a mouse gun i keep in my front pocket i feel like interferes with my
sitting and stuff yeah and you're getting seven shots in the 1911 45 or you can just take five
shots of 357 or 38 plus p in a small revolver that's super comfortable.
Like, it just doesn't seem like there's... That LCR is great.
I really like the LCR.
I need to get mine back for my fucking sister.
She's got it.
And Jeremy has my car...
Jeremy has my Car 40.
I have been missing my Car 40 forever.
It's this little.40 caliber compact pistol.
It's a Car, K-A-H-R. And it's like little 40 caliber compact pistol it's a car k8hr and it's like 700 7 or
800 for this for this little fucking pistol and uh i haven't been able to find it for like
years like three years or something like that but then i talked to josh the other day and josh is
like jeremy's got a little 40 caliber pistol he's got and i was like what's it look like he's like oh it's kind of
square and silver uh you know it's not blued or anything it's nickel i was like yeah right yeah
i was like that's my gun so now i gotta figure out a way to to to fuck with jeremy because he's
got my gun and he's had it and i think he's he's like he's borderline stolen it from me basically
like like there was a time when i asked for all the guns of mine that he had and and he's had it and i think he's he's like he's borderline stolen it from me basically like like there was a time when i asked for all the guns of mine that he had and and he brought them
and this one didn't didn't uh didn't come i got a story he knew he could keep one and to be honest
he could have kept two a lot of them i've got duplicates of so many guns so today this woman writes me to back up a step
i've had this idea of building a woodworking automotive shop on my property for some time now
and uh way back when my contractor was still renovating this house we had some plans done up
to um you know to you know send to a place for estimates and whatever.
Anyway, the trusses.
These are like scissor trusses that hold the roof up. You put the plywood across at the sheathing and you put your,
you know the part, the trusses, the big, you see them up there.
And we bought like 18 of them or something and some other wood.
It all came out to $2,800 and I paid half up front
and then when it came time to deliver she was going to deliver the next day it was too windy
and she's like it's dangerous because you sort of grab it with like a little crane or forklift
in the center and they blow around and she's like we did it yesterday and people nearly got hurt and today's windier than yesterday so delivery's off and I'm like all right and um then you know like I'd write her the next
day and ask for delivery and I'd write her the next day and ask her for delivery and I actually
figured out the dates today um this won't take too long to find the dates. I wrote her on February 21st, 25th, March 6th,
March 8th, and March 9th, trying to schedule delivery on this thing, right? So this goes
across, you know, almost a month. And she's never freaking delivered on. And then after that,
I started catching on to the fact that like, my contractor's kind of on probation, you know,
like, I don't know that I want to sign up with him for the next thing.
And she might have written me in late March or something,
like, hey, do you want to do this, or April.
But at this point, these things have been sitting out in the weather for some time,
and you're not supposed to leave construction lumber out in the weather uncovered.
They're literally laying in mud.
And it's snowing on them and stuff.
So now the materials are ruined, right? They're literally laying in mud and it's snowing on them and stuff.
So now the materials are ruined, right?
You wouldn't build something with stuff that's been in there since March of last year.
It's almost a year old now.
And she, I'm an idiot because I forgave her for like too long.
And what she does is she sort of connects people together.
Someone was tearing down a barn.
There were some good parts of it.
I was going to buy them. So she like, she's like, oh,. Someone was tearing down a barn. There were some good parts of it. I was going to buy them.
So she's like, oh, you're tearing that down?
Hey, instead of throwing that away, why don't you work with me?
I'll find buyers from it and we'll both make money here.
That was what she did.
So I had all these like horse pasture gates to throw away,
like 12 of them or something.
And I'm like, hey, are these worth anything?
And she said, yeah, I'll find buyers from them. I'll pick them up.
She never came to pick them up.
Scheduled it again, she never came to pick them up.
I eventually throw them away.
Like three months later, four months later,
she says, Woody, I think I have a buyer for your gates.
Do you still have them?
I don't fucking have them, that was months ago.
I don't want them like littering my yard.
By the way, I'd like a refund on that other thing you didn't come through on.
And she's like, well, that wasn't really my fault.
You know, I reached out to you and you didn't, you know, want them delivered.
And I'm like, that's so not true.
And I list all the dates, right?
Like five different times I tried to schedule delivery.
I listed all her excuses.
You know, well, I can ask them, but they're going to be mad because they've been working a lot lately. It's windy out. It's muddy out. The people are tired.
They're really busy. We can only do it on a weekend. Like just excuse after excuse,
she never delivered them. And today I'm like, you know, there's no great resolution to this,
but I'm like, you know, if, uh, if you want to meet in
small claims court and that's going to damage your credit record when they order you to pay this.
Cause I'm pretty sure I'm in the right here, you know, like again and again and again,
I'm trying to get delivery and again and again and again, she's not delivering.
And then months later, after they've been sitting in the mud for some time and their value is gone,
now she's ready to deliver. Like you can't do that shit and um uh you know then this summer i tried to get delivery she said no she said you wouldn't
want them anymore because now they're destroyed and uh apparently that's the deal you leave things
in the mud for half a year and they get ruined so yeah but why is there even if she knows that
like your product is ruined why is she being a stickler about this $1,400 that she owes you?
Right.
So I'm like, you know, if I have to go to small claims court, that impacts your credit record.
People don't know when a court issues you to repay your stuff, that's viewed as a bad thing.
And she's like, well, you know, I was wrongly foreclosed in my home.
She starts telling me how she's a single mother and she doesn't have the money.
I'm like, you're pretty good at collecting money.
Tell me you went Scrooge on her.
Yeah.
I want interest.
I'm sorry.
She wrote me like,
Listen, you bitch.
Oh, is this developing?
If you don't pay me back.
I haven't read this yet.
Read it on the air.
Is that the LG?
Is it your phone? Is that the LG is it your phone is that the LG yeah no it's the Nexus
Motorola
yeah it seems like you gave this lady
a mile and she's trying to pull another one in
like you just gave her too much
leeway
I'd sue her
you can buy three pairs of shoes of that money.
Come on, guys.
Does her kid have polio?
Did her car break down?
Was there a heart attack?
You should definitely sue her.
She does have some of this.
She's like, I'm a single mom, three kids, no child support.
I own nothing.
Do whatever you want to do.
I'm very sorry.
You should have been like, that sucks.
And now on top of that,'re out 1400 bucks um it's a it's a hard world right these are the reasons
that it's okay for me to steal from you that's the thing like i i like look i you know like it
i i feel like she's in a hard spot you Do I really want to screw her on this thing?
I'll tell you, she played her last thing wrong.
I don't know if I should read all this on air,
but basically she's...
She used to have four sons,
but one got killed in a wood chopping accident.
She's going business deal on something.
She's like the materials were valued.
She's acting.
I guess she's trying to present her own legal side of this thing.
Like the materials for as is, where is, which is totally not true.
Delivery was included in the thing, and it was a part of the receipt.
The delivery didn't have a time on the receipt but i i'm is there an implied like before they fucking get destroyed
timely fashion kind of thing it didn't say like you'll give it to me now but it also didn't say
like you let them sit in the snow in the mud for a couple of months yeah like you know it if i bought
lettuce from you with delivery and then
you gave me like rotted fucking lettuce pulp it's nine months later you'd be like there's an implied
all right all right who votes take her to court
all right let's make it unanimous unanimous yeah um yeah it let's see you were in no way defrauded you just i guess she's saying that
she thinks that delivery wasn't included but it's not i have the receipt delivery was included i
said that incorrectly take a picture of it guarantee that delivery was this year or even
this decade indeterminate amount of time has to pass uh yeah and then now she's blaming it on my contractor
she's i don't know all this shit you should have asked how old her kids were that's some
delivery team right there yeah and it's funny she she at one point she was like woody is everything
okay hispanic and uh it's like don't fucking make this personal. I paid you $1,400 and you didn't deliver.
Literally, didn't deliver.
It's not about whether I'm okay.
It's just like, oh, look, out of the blue, this person that robbed me wants to continue and do some more business.
I think I'll bring up that other thing.
And that's how it went. And then everything she said was just like, hey, is there some other way I can make it up to you?
I'm like, no, pretty much just a $1,400 refund.
That's how you'd make it complete.
Was she attractive?
She probably
used to be. I think she was like 50.
But she looks like
someone who once was.
And her kids are old enough
to deliver
if she's 50.
This isn't the two-year-old, the three-year-old, and the seven-year-old.
It takes a tractor trailer to deliver these things.
They're 42 feet long.
Okay, well, all right.
How old are her kids if she's 50?
I don't know.
I don't even know.
Oh, that's right.
I mean, she's a woman.
I didn't even think about that.
Like, she's raising three kids.
Are they grandkids?
No, 34.
She was, like, a 16 and pregnant.
And they're still adults.
She's single, right?
She's single and 50.
She has three kids.
On the town.
Yeah.
Like, do you see the math?
Like, at least a few of them, like, one of them has to be an adult, right?
I met one of her kids, really nice kid.
And she looked like she was 12 or something.
But it could have been a
grandkid i don't know what the scoop was i think she just took your money and she's just trying to
play it off now i i like i legit holidays right around the corner fucking squeezer
woody's christmas presents coming in he's getting unfucked. Yeah, I really hate this last message she's writing.
Like, you know, she's like,
you put a deposit for half the value.
So the deal was I paid half up front
and the other half on delivery.
And now all of a sudden she's like,
delivery wasn't part of it.
Dude, it was part of it.
Like we sat there and talked about
why they could or couldn't deliver all this time.
Now what was all that, a gift?
Or something? No.
Anyway, she's like, you both lost $1,400 because apparently he was due the other $1,400.
Right?
And nothing was stopping me from completing the sale.
Bullshit!
It was delivered!
Like, I didn't buy it as is, where is.
That's bullshit.
So she's the only winner.
She said that she didn't make any money on the deal.
And there is some truth to that.
If I remember right, her scoop was...
Yeah, because she's bad at her fucking job.
Her scoop was she wanted materials.
Like she was building something.
So she's like, the barn was long, like 200 feet long or something.
So she's like, well, I'll take whatever, 50 feet of it for me.
And then sell the other 50 feet of it.
And then that'll be that
so she got her value in materials not in cash and uh um i guess that's that i don't know i was ready
to drop it and then she fucking writes me this thing like sorry you had all these problems but
it was as is where is and she's acting like i owe her the other 1400 fuck her i don't know her shit she still owes
me to i owe her 1400 if she somehow delivers get her woody yeah this reminds me what about
your landlord that stole 10 grand i don't know what to do about that probably a statute of
limitations on that or something i don't not even fair. I don't know.
Yeah, I don't even know what to do.
You give me the number that I call.
The guy says, oh, really?
He stole from you.
Well, I'll get right on that.
I'm McGruff the crime dog, and that's what I do is fight crime.
I don't know who I call.
Have you ever mentioned? Thanks for calling the offices of Goldstein and Feinberg.
You work with an attorney from time to time, right, professionally,
but he's not that kind of attorney, I guess.
I mean, wouldn't he have someone to talk to?
I'll ask him.
Is his own name sport less than 5,000 or less than 500?
Less than 5,000, right?
5,000, yeah.
I think it's 6,000 in my area.
I don't know if that's everywhere.
I think you should go for it.
I know it's 6,000 in my area. You don't know if that's everywhere. I think you should go for it.
You're going to ruin Christmas.
You're going to ruin Christmas.
It's not my goal.
I don't know. I'd tend to just fucking put it in the past. I don't know if it's worth my
aggravation.
The big thing is I feel stolen from.
That's the
unsettling part. Would I like
$1,400? Yeah. Everyone would, right? But I just feel like this fucker can't go around like that's that that's the unsettling part you know what i like 1400 yeah everyone would right
but i just feel like this fucker can't go around you'd like your 1400 yeah yeah it's not that you
want 1400 extra dollars you just want your 1400 what i want really is just like you know you
can't just fucking steal from me and then be like you know it was so like windy and my my truck driver was so tired
that we decided not to deliver you the materials you bought do you have a cleaning lady at your
house already me no yeah okay well maybe she works off her debt maybe she comes in for 14 weeks, once a week,
and cleans the entire estate, top to bottom.
I so don't want her in my life.
Okay, well, then what else is there?
They'd probably call me.
It's like, hey, known thief.
How about we never clean your place?
Where's the play button go, Woody?
Where's the golden play button?
Yeah, right? Gone.
It's gone, what?
That was the premise on Seinfeld.
If you remember, part of the show Seinfeld was that Jerry got his own TV show
and they did a pilot.
Well, the premise of the fake TV show that he made
was that he got in a traffic accident with a guy
and they sentenced the other guy to be his butler.
Oh, my goodness.
That would be hilarious
if she was sentenced
to be a maid.
Manufacture chores. Make her
un-rake the leaves. You're like, you know what?
I'm feeling like I want a real
aesthetic, so spread these out
pretty evenly. A lot of good color distribution.
Then you can come out every two
hours like, you know what?
I liked him better
in the pile after that could you please unshovel the driveway i want to feel the spirit of christmas
anything at all just make things up her um her business involves craigslist like she's all
like i see her on craigslist all the time like sell reselling something or other right she uh
she's kind of a go-getter in that
she'll just find people doing
construction or destruction and
finds, you know, like sells
off materials and stuff.
And part of me just wants to flag every goddamn
ad as fraudulent, you know?
Yeah, a little petty revenge.
I like that.
Part of me wants to go slash tires.
Part of me wants to find slash the tires. Part of me
wants to find out where kids go to school
and pay some bigger kid.
No, no!
You make it real personal.
You find some 12-year-old badass
to go just beat the shit out of her kid.
I am not co-signing on that concept at all.
Just to be completely clear.
You can bribe children
much easier than adults.
You're aware of this
but twenty dollars goes a long way for a 12 year old you can they'll do almost anything
i am i have nothing to do with this idea it's not going to happen in real life
five dollar footlong is all it takes
um but yeah i really feel robbed by her she didn't deliver her stuff and
she reached out to me this morning and i was just like you know like part of me was like how dare
you like how do you not know our relationship is pretty fucked like where's my money you know
we're like the material's done that. Reply back with how dare you.
I am aghast that you would even say this.
I feel like we should write the reply.
That'd be so much fun.
Can't we write her some silly reply?
One word at a time.
Start quoting statutes that have nothing to do with it.
You could do other random bullshit.
I don't know. isn't there like an
online service that calls at weird times
oh but that seems
so I'm sorry now are we getting
now that's too petty
we're gonna prank
phone caller
send a hooker to her house
or revenge crabs
revenge crabs
if you gave me her number,
I could prank phone call her with some ridiculous
silly prank phone call scams
and record them.
People would definitely tell her it was us.
I'm sure Cliff Hutchinson might have something to say
about this gross
We're on a live show.
So here's what I'm suggesting.
You give me her number in private.
I call her during the week a couple times,
maybe once Tuesday, once Thursday,
different voice, whatever, different silliness,
so she's not catching on to it.
I record these calls,
and then I bring them back and play them on the show,
but whenever it gets to the part where I'm like,
hey, is this Tracy Bigum or whatever her fucking name is,
I'll just bleep it,
and if there's numbers disclosed or addresses,
I'll bleep those too, but then
Doesn't she know I'm behind all this at some point like we couldn't get to her
Yeah, at least a week's worth of prank phone calls
At the end of my Frank phone call like I got you again rape squad killer bitch
At the end of my Frank phone call, I'm going to be like,
ha-ha, I got you again, Rape Squad killer bitch.
I'm not going to sign off with a, you know.
I'll call her and try to tell her about how I've got like a,
like I'm closing a hotel and I've got 50 Hoover vacuum cleaners that I want to move.
And she'll be like, oh, the Hoovers, those are good ones.
Like, yeah, they've got a penis attachment on them,
a penis enlarger.
You hook up right here.
I've been trying it on myself. A little
red and swollen, but I guess that's the whole point.
I guess she'll stay on the line.
I don't know what to do with it.
I just feel robbed.
That's the scoop. Well, in the strictest
sense, you were.
I could call it a whole bunch of
live animal traps I'm trying to sell,
but in the background, you can just hear animals screeching.
No, no, little children's voices.
Help!
I feel like I was accidentally robbed.
I think that's a better – she accidentally robbed me.
I think she intended to deliver,
and heck, the fact that she called back like four months after I bought it
to have it delivered these
things are ruined at this point uh it is you know her tent wasn't bad she just fucking incompetent
here's what i would say like any business here's what i would honestly say to her if i were you i
would i would say something like look you're clearly at fault here you are the one at fault
and if we went to small claims court, I'd win.
But I don't want to do that to you
because I don't think you did.
I don't think any of this happened
because of any maliciousness on your part.
You didn't intend for any of these things to happen.
I do think you did it.
You didn't do your job very well.
I do think you were negligent
and that's how we got here.
But I'm not going to hold your feet to the fire.
So what I'm going gonna need is for you to
make this right some other way and go from there whatever you want to do you know maybe she's got
some other you know if she's if she's some sort of middleman with materials and stuff maybe she
can get you some some new material and and not take her 50 feet this time or whatever the fuck
some sort of junk broker and she's a junk broker i can't imagine that she's doing that great you
know even if she does have the three yeah oh it's funny because it started off where like
she said so remember the gate thing that i kicked off the story with yeah like sorry i never showed
up for those gates my insulation business has just been going crazy or something like that like
like going she didn't use the word, but it was definitely a positive thing.
And I'm like, oh, well, maybe you remember my $1,400 that she owe me.
You should have, before you mentioned her owing you money,
she went, really?
Making a lot of money on the insulation business?
You doing okay?
Does that earn well?
Well, great.
I'm glad you're doing well this month.
$6,000 this week.
Oh, great.
Because I'm going to need $1,400 of it. so now suddenly she doesn't have two nickels to rub together after she said her
insulation business was going wild or whatever well see now i want to hold her feet to the fire
now i want my 1400 now that her insulation business is going wild like i'd get my money
back i my insulation business took off like crazy that's the i got the quote
right now do it take the cords or a small thingy cord whatever it's live stream it we're a gopro
yeah use the app on your phone periscope or whatever right periscope periscope it's called
right yeah um but yeah anyway so you anyway. So let me ask you this.
Over, I guess, everywhere in the world,
ISIS is a huge story, right?
Is there any fear for you personally
there in the Netherlands
of some sort of terror attack
or anything like that?
Is that in the back of your head?
Have there been any relevant threats
that maybe your government has advised
the citizens there of?
Anything like that?
Well, obviously, everybody's always like oh isis is everywhere like all these muslim extremists
extremists that are about to blow up uh whatever right um but to be honest i think it's mainly
propaganda they're just trying to make it make make it seem like it's a huge Threat but like if you do the math theme the chance of you getting killed in a in a terror attack is still
Significant like it's so small it like being hit by a car is it's like I when I when I cross the road
I'm I'm like looking out for cars. I'm not gonna go like I'm crossing the road
Oh, there could be an Isis terrorist around the corner. That's about to shoot me and like everybody in this area, right?
so I'm definitely not scared and I like I
To be honest really do not care about
The situation in my area obviously it was it was terrible happened in Paris and what's happening still like in in Syria and things
Like that I said the same thing and they all acted like I was crazy.
And I was like, you know, if you look at the numbers,
yeah, I was like, if you look at the numbers,
more likely to be struck by the thing.
Yes I did.
Slightly different.
It was so smooth, like what he said is night
and what you said is day.
They are so far apart.
Bullshit, bullshit.
And I used the same like percentage of attack.
I think I compared it to automobile accidents,
which is practically the exact same thing you said.
That's what I did.
Yeah.
What you said was more like this.
Like, look, I get that a few people got gunned down today
or whatever they're saying.
Whatever they call it now.
A mass shooting.
But.
That's so not what I said.
I know, I know.
I'm adding a little to it.
But, hey, plenty of kids getting ran over
day in day out getting smushed nobody cares about them smushed kids i think that's exactly how you
put it i remember you saying smushed kids i didn't use the word smushed none of this is true
this is a verbatim reading it's not what are you transcripts right here. I wrote it all down.
Smushed kids. I wanted to use your stupid fucking word.
What is it when it's in parentheses?
Parenthetical.
It's parenthetically listed right here, Woody.
I'm looking at it.
Smushed kids.
No, you're like, look, these guys got a few kills.
But yours is always so like smash you over the head with a hammer.
It's just so ham-handed in the, like, sure, you could go at it and be like,
it's not that big of a deal by the numbers,
but it's still something we need to acknowledge.
But think about, we're not totally afraid of car accidents.
That's way much larger scale not even comparable but woody comes at it like and puts all the
harshness in the first part where it's like 14 people died can you even name 14 people you give
a fuck about you think that those people's families care it's like come on like first of all we're american not real people second you know
like just none of this is true like you lessen the blow as you get into the part about like
the comparison but that is what makes it funny when you comment on things like that so don't
change it i think everybody knows what you were saying at the end of the day like they understand
i kind of just summed it up for a... Yeah, yeah, thanks.
This is the way I see it.
They're trying to have a terror impact, right?
An impact that terrorizes you.
And my response to it is,
suck a dick, your terror is not working on me.
That's how I think too.
The moment you are scared to go to the train station or something, that's when they win.
That's when you –
Let me tell you this because I didn't get a chance to say this,
and either it was last PKA or PKN.
Obama, right?
The cow's big takeaway was the thing about the no-fly lists.
My big takeaway from Obama was like, don't be scared.
Just continue living your life, go to work, whatever.
And I think, what?
Who are you talking to?
I'm not scared.
Scared entered your mind?
The Fox News guy called him a pussy, right?
That was his big thing.
He wasn't a Fox News guy.
He was a Fox News contributor.
They had him on.
And he's like, Obama's being such a pussy.
The fact that he's talking about being scared.
And insanely, I had the same thought process thought process i was like what is this don't
be scared talk i'm not scared i've already moved on it'd be a bigger news story to me if um uh
golden state lost a game i go through my day hoping there will be some sort of isis attack
near me that i can intervene into like i'm just riding around with a fucking arsenal in my car.
A stabilized machine gun.
I got my fucking
suppressed sniper rifle I'm
working on. I'm driving
around right now on a daily basis with
eight guns in the car and
because I'm testing them, I'm
driving them, test firing them, I'm working on them,
modifying a few things, tweak here and there.
I'm always armed and not just, but I've got ammunition,
which I'll often have a lot of guns in the car,
but that's not to say that every one of them is either loaded
or even that there's ammo in the car for that particular gun.
But right now, there's 1,000 rounds of.308 in there.
There's magazines piled up.
I'm ready to rock and roll.
Your fantasy, Kyle, is that you're going to be driving to Atlanta,
and then in one of those pastures on the way,
you're just going to see in the distance a bunch of shrouded figures
with black hoods on and then one guy in an orange jumpsuit on his knees,
and then you'll know it's go time.
Yes!
It's time to go.
I'm not letting this video make it to LiveLeak.
That's when I get my GoPro on I flick it on it that would be the that would be my best video ever
That's what that would be
Live stream that shit. Yeah as you can see
Impending terror attack, but don't worry. With 7.62x51mm, you've got some serious...
That'd be great.
It'd be so hilarious.
You guys start getting your heads sawed off as you're giving your monologues.
Don't worry.
They have plenty more hostages.
They have at least 75% of them.
That would be an amazing video yeah i'm always like that's my dream that that i could that i could be that shining example if you could monetize live link
then you'd be set live you know i carry that same dream kyle media thing about how you weren't
actually russian yeah oh that funny. That's a funny little
side note. I didn't even consider that.
I had that same dream, but it always
involved water.
My superhero is not driving
around with an arsenal. I'd be there with my little
LCP. I think there's six rounds in it
because there's none in the chamber.
I'm pretty accurate
within seven and a half,
eight feet.
But if I see a car getting swept away
in like fast moving water,
that's my jam.
I'll be in that.
On the last...
So if you're out there and you're not...
Can we restart the call real quick?
What's that?
Can we restart the call to fix the cameras?
Yes, let's do it.
Okay.
Yep.
start the call to fix the cameras? Yes, let's do it.
Okay. Yep.
So,
on the last episode of PKN,
which Taylor and Woody and I recorded, like, the day before yesterday, I guess,
we started talking about
Woody's swimming abilities and everything,
and the Asian tsunami
came up. And Woody
is so serious about being able to, like,
swim his way out of a tsunami.
It is shocking.
And there is, it's quite literally a 0% chance.
Like, you're not going to miss.
We watched a video of this guy getting hit by the initial,
like, he's on the beach.
It was a suicide, pretty much.
Well, yeah, but he couldn't have outran that anyway.
I mean, I'm sure.
That's what I'm getting at.
I think he accepted his fate.
Maybe that's a better way to put it.
Yeah.
But just seeing the enormity of that wave and its speed and its size relative to that one man, there's no way you can swim out of that.
Plus, it's pulling, like, loads of, like, cars and wood.
like loads of like cars and wood so even if you if you survive the first hit and you you manage to like swim up then they're still like rubbish like hitting you and it's like a watch the eases yeah
yeah yeah you could pull down too because it keeps moving right so um you might be able to survive
for like five minutes but then uh it just keeps going but yeah if you're uh if you're interested in in becoming a patreon click the link down below it's uh you get to watch the
video version of pkn as soon as we record it every week and uh i thought that was one of the i really
did really like to watch some tsunami footage right let's watch some tsunami footage i think
you i think you overestimate the swimming abilities of the rest of the population.
I'm not saying you're overestimating your own swimming abilities,
because I've seen you swim, and you're...
I mean, I'm certainly no judge, but you swam very well.
But I think the tsunami thing is, like, deadly,
and, like, 99% of the time,
if you're just, like, right in the middle of that wave
getting hit by it i just don't see it um because i've seen people die in a tsunami let me get my
way it comes youtube app i'm trying to yeah this isn't the video there's one in particular i want
to say it's a thailand. Do I have that right?
There was an earthquake in Thailand that resulted in a tsunami, right?
Yeah.
Could be Japan.
Japan had the big one.
Yeah, Japan had a big one.
The one that hit Indonesia was big enough that it hit all those places.
Yeah, I think that's the same.
I'm not afraid of.
All right, all right.
This is a great one.
You guys will love it.
Do we have a tsunami killing song?
Tsunamis.
See, I guess what it comes down to this,
I'm not saying I can out swim a tsunami.
It's obviously ridiculous.
How humble of you.
I don't think there's a human who can.
What I am saying is I'm pretty sure I can get my, like I could stay on top of the water in nearly
any scenario, right? Whether that be whitewater rapids, hurricane surf, even tsunami. I think I
can stay on top of the water and have some influence over my path. serve yeah you surviving it too yeah surviving or like the
path right like if i'm headed towards a house i it wouldn't take me very long to go 50 feet to the
left and look i can't swim against the tide but i can influence the direction that i'm headed
um do you guys want to watch this footage yes all right yep uh i promise you i did not cherry
pick weak shit here Here we go.
One, two, three, play.
Oh, I've seen this before.
This is great.
Okay.
Holy smokes.
So here comes the water.
This is great.
There's still people running around.
They're in a very bad spot.
All right.
And a very bad cameraman.
Oh, he's running uphill!
I'm just, wow, the army is brave.
It looks like there's military people there directing pedestrian traffic.
You could outrun this, right?
Well, they're running uphill. It's not here yet. If it's not obvious,
they're running uphill, so they're gaining a lot of altitude
Wow see that's the problem the cars look at how dense it is good guys
That's I just saw a house. Just roll down the street. I missed it. It was in a thousand pieces. That's why
Look at that look out look. There's a house going down the street. Yep. There's a house going down. It's a garage, maybe.
Yeah, man.
See, if that house would smoosh you against a building or pin you under a car or all the
buildings.
As bad as that water is, if I was in amongst that debris, I think I could keep my head
above water.
I agree.
No.
I agree.
And you know what?
But what you would really want, because I feel like the marine life is probably getting pushed inland too,
so there's probably sharks out there.
We should attach me to your back, facing outwards, and I could fend off the sharks while you swam the tsunami.
Look at the trash.
At first it was flowing under the garage.
Now it's backed up against the garage.
This is bad.
It might be hard to get to the top there.
And there's nails. There's another building coming.
And it's all jagged. You'd be cut up,
stabbed. But if I'm in the background there where it's not so dense...
There's so much stuff swirling around under the surface.
Yeah. You could get pulled under.
Yeah, no way. No way anybody's surviving that.
In the background? It's not even bad anymore.
How long does it last?
Do you really just have to survive for like three minutes and then it kind of settles?
No.
Do you think it rushes in for fifteen it depends where you are right so like if you're as the closer you are to the shore the
longer you're being influenced by it but it came in like tens of miles right yeah did it so further
than i expected at that speed going 10 miles i I feel like it's happening for like a fucking hour or something.
I don't think that the one we just watched went in 10 miles.
It looked like there was so much altitude to gain.
Am I using the term right?
Yeah.
That road was kind of flat, and then everyone ran uphill.
And once they ran uphill, it seemed like they even knew they were safe.
10 kilometers.
In the Japan one? Yes.
Maybe there's flatter areas somewhere
else that wasn't filmed.
That would be the lost footage.
Yeah, in these areas, it's just utter
devastation. It's like there's no buildings
left. Jesus.
Oh, here's Japan earthquake and tsunami facts from 2011.
Oh, hooray.
Oh, wow.
I'm watching another video now.
I just turned it on.
It's the stuff it brings in with it that's the big challenge.
Oh, and this is a different tsunami, by the way, than the Indonesian one.
Right.
That was the one.
I was looking for footage for that, and I didn't find it.
But that one.
I've got some footage here.
Oh, link it.
Okay.
Okay.
On here. I don't know if this is going to be any good or not.
All right.
You guys ready?
It starts at about 50 seconds, though.
5-0, you think?
Yeah, sure.
Let's start there.
Let's go to 45 because there's like an ocean shot. I think it, you think? Yeah, sure. Let's start there. Let's go to 45, because there's, like, an ocean shot.
I think it's pretty good.
I'm there.
Ready, set, play.
Ooh.
I still think you can outrun it.
Do you really?
Yeah.
If you see it coming.
For 10 kilometers, you can run? That's the it coming. For 10 kilometers you can run?
That's the other question.
No, but you can run to safety.
You can run to safety, I think.
And plus the adrenaline is pumping.
You can keep up a nice jogging pace, I'd say.
Just drop everything.
Like, I'd be able to run for 10 kilometers.
Except your vlogging camera.
Keep that.
Ah, yeah, definitely.
This thing's got 22 million views.
Guys, welcome back to another vlog.
Yeah.
22 million views. Tsunamiog! Tsunami prank gone wrong
Tsunami Plog! Tsunami prank gone wrong
In the hood
You would get 50 million views if this was on your channel
You would get 50 million views if this was on your channel
Yeah definitely
Well this one is 22 million
Look at these people on this fucking trash
Look at these people on this fucking trash
See you can survive! Look at them! They're all cool See you can survive! Look at these people on this fucking trash. See, you can survive.
Look at them.
They're all cool.
That's going so slow there.
Like, I feel like...
Now, is this even tsunami footage we're looking at?
That looked like regular waves to me.
This doesn't look...
They don't stop, though.
Keep watching.
The regular waves crash.
I bet they cut it off.
I bet the cameraman dies.
Maybe it wasn't a regular wave.
I don't know.
This looks like an everyday wave to me.
But they don't crash.
They just keep going.
I bet the waves won't go.
Maybe not.
Those buildings would not be there
if that was a regular event.
It's probably high tide there too
See now oceans are the baby getting sucked in yeah? Yeah? Yeah, in Ocean City. Oh wow she's in the mix of it
Tides went high every full moon high enough that the like it'd be thigh deep you know on the island like not everywhere
But it was practically Venice for, like,
ten square blocks.
So I thought it might have been that,
but no.
No.
I would not
bet on you to survive
the tsunami. I'm sorry. Look at them hanging.
Oh, I see. They're trying to rescue someone.
Wow.
When's the last time a bad tsunami hit the U.S.?
The U.S.?
I don't think that happens to us.
I think because of...
Hawaii, maybe?
Yeah, maybe.
They're in that ring of fire part of the world over there
that's super volcanically active,
and there's lots of underground or underwater earthquakes
in that part of the world.
I think it's just...
And then, you know, Japan is a fucking island nation anyway.
But that one in...
Was it 2001 when the one happened that was Indonesia
and hit all of those countries at the same time? I think 2004 it said. island nation anyway but that one in was it 2001 when the one happened that was indonesia and like
and hit all of those countries at the same time i think 2004 it said didn't kill a quarter million
people wasn't killed a lot of people i think it was a quarter of a million but i think it was
mainly diseases that killed loads of people i'm sure yeah there's no or in the yeah so i have So I have some answers. 1946, a big tsunami hit Hawaii and 159 people were killed.
1964, a tsunami hit Alaska.
It said it was a magnitude 9.2 earthquake that kicked it off.
On the West Coast, they average every 500 years.
It says there was one in 1700.
So I guess we're getting pretty...
Oh, we're getting close.
Yeah, right?
Gulf Coast, they've all been under a meter.
It doesn't count.
And it looks like the East Coast, 1755.
Oh, but two to seven meters. meters pretty legit i guess it's 21 foot tsunami yeah 22 foot tsunami it really depends on how how far inland it goes
because like a 20 fun 21 foot wave that goes in like 100 yards farther than normal would be pretty awful for your coast, but it's not destroying the cities.
A six-meter tsunami in Puerto Rico killed 40 people.
That was 1918.
So it looks like the East Coast and the Gulf Coast are pretty shielded.
The West Coast every 500 years.
Alaska, there's just not that many people.
But Hawaii are a genuine danger
i have no fear no not in missouri no it's not making it to me no
um i'm trying to think do we need a new topic, I'd love to do another topic.
Okay, so I don't know if you guys have already discussed this or are aware of it,
but all these big prank guys recently are starting to get called out because they're fake.
They're faking their pranks.
I'm just going to name drop a few and there were three main guys that were exposed
without Vitaly Fousey tube and Roman Atwood and they did social experiments
or just general general like just pranks which I thought were very entertaining.
And recently actors that were hired for the videos came out and like you saw their faces and you also saw their faces in the video
and they came out and they were like,
these guys hired me to do something like this.
Was one of those names that Australian guy who got interviewed from the news report?
That's another one.
That's another one.
I saw that one too.
Yep.
He's also one of the guys that, you know,
where the actor came out and was like,
listen, I, you know, I thought it was an acting job.
And now all of a sudden everybody hates me.
Yeah.
So they hire him to do an acting job.
I think that there was something to do with money.
How did it work?
Do you remember the prank?
It was a blind man asking for change.
And while the blind man, he was like,
could you change my $10 bill for two fivers or something?
But he accidentally gives a $50 bill
and they wanted to see how honest people were.
And then the actors, which in the video are seen as regular people,
they would take the $50 and then just be like,
oh, here's our two fivers or something like that.
So they would steal the money from a blind guy.
And everybody started hating on them.
They were like, why did you do that?
Like, I recognize you because of your tattoo in your neck.
Why did you do that?
And they went like, mate, it's just, it was acting.
It was fake
and um and then one of the news guys confronted the guy and he just just got destroyed but it's
it's a pretty good video the guy um at first he's just kind of listening like you know like
you can tell he's got this deer in the headlights look, but he's not giving him the feedback.
He's thinking to himself, can I still get out of this?
How bad is this situation?
Where are we here?
He's criticizing it, flinging it off a bit.
He's like, oh, no, don't worry.
And then he starts handing him the resumes of the actors he hired.
And, of course, he's like, oh, smokes, I recognize this resume.
And he was just so stone cold
busted it made it like got like on the front page of reddit more than once and um like i looked at
when i looked at the video it had like 600 000 views and then there was like a re-upload that
had hundreds of thousands of views and then of course on reddit i don't know how many views it
got but uh lots of attention there. The Roman Atwood ones.
So I only really paid,
I don't watch Roman Atwood very much,
but I have seen him where he fakes the death of his kid to like scare his
wife,
which a lot of people are like,
oh my God,
that's so horrific.
You know,
you damaged your wife or something in my head.
I'm like,
yeah,
that's really a call he gets to make,
you know,
like it's not for me to tell him how to run his relationship but i want to know if that
was fake do you think that he was satiated by the fifty thousand dollars that they made
from the video like right like and let's be honest you're married you're married to a guy
that makes pranks for a living right right? Right. He vlogs everything.
Then you go and let your son ride a quad, and all of a sudden he dies, and there's a big explosion.
You're probably going to be like, he's probably pranking me, right?
If it was real.
Because I'd be like, well, obviously it's fake.
But then again, if it's staged, she might have just played along with it.
What got me is, like you said,
you're married to a guy who makes prank videos, right?
And the one I saw was not the first Our Dead Kid prank
that he pulled on her.
And she believed it within the first second,
which was skeptical to me.
If I was in that position, I'd be like,
you fucking with me?
Is that a doll?
Is that a doll on the quad?
For people who don't know the video,
he shows his kid riding around on a quad or something.
He distracts her, and they swap it with a doll
on the same quad dressed just like the kid.
And he's able to remote control jump something,
and then when it lands on the other side, it explodes.
Do I have it right?
So when the
ATV lands, obscured
view, it explodes and you assume
the kid is dead on the other side.
And the mom instantly
believes it even though there's been other...
Oh, it's totally fake.
It's not even a question whether or not
she was in on it. She was absolutely in on it.
Yeah, I agree.
Or at least from what I watched.
I'm a sucker.
That's why I get robbed for $1,400, I believe, liars.
But it turns out, like, what is it, the three biggest prankers on YouTube
all are, like, one by one being exposed of, like, the pranks not being legit.
And then the debate starts.
Is this acceptable?
Do people finally realize it's just entertainment?
Because I like these prank videos purely because I'm like,
this is a funny skit.
This is a funny story.
This is a sketch.
It's not a real Russian guy shooting at watermelons, for example.
If it's presented as real, does guy shooting at watermelons for example if it's presented as
real does that change things yeah sorry like when i watch uh how i met your mother right i'm never
really under the impression that ted loves robin or whatever it's fake but if i watch another source
that's told to me is not fake you know like here it is you get to know these guys you
watch them for years you see them evolve you see them age you see them loved and lost and whatever
and uh then all of a sudden you know like but god i i'm afraid this is insensitive right but if it
were to suddenly come out that that wasn't your real dad i don't think you can say it was just entertainment you like the video right no no that that was a real moment like you know if it's an actor in
the video made didn't you know look the same there's even said it like you're
taller than him exposed to you slippery tears man come on that was all fake sister who's that
the reason that these like i think everybody's known for a while for the most part that all of
these big prank channels are fake because in real life if you've ever tried to orchestrate a prank
it fucking never goes this well i i never happens i don't i don't like the prank channels that are – oh, so what I will say is what are the guys who do – the Italian guys who do the clowns?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
DMC.
Yeah, that's real.
So they're legit.
They're really doing that shit.
Behind the scenes too, behind the scenes where they go and reveal it and the cops come over like every now and then.
So those are real
like like i really like those two and it's really high production quality and things like that yeah
and like those guys before they they sent me the the costume that he wore he wears in the videos
yeah that's awesome there's um there's one that's a couple it's like a good looking guy i know he's
in the second season of the dance thing,
and a pretty girl, blonde.
Do you know who I'm talking about?
Yeah, prank versus prank.
Yeah, prank versus prank.
In my heart of hearts, it started out as genuine,
and I don't know if it's genuine or not,
and I'm apparently in the worst at telling this.
But after a while, like you said,
these two have lived together for years.
They make prank videos.
They have to be impossible to prank by now.
And it must be fake.
Yeah. Because the whole
situation, it loses its novelty
so quickly if you're doing it with another
person where it's like, you know,
they wake up one morning, oh my god, the
dog's on fire. They're not going to be,
what? Oh! Oh!
The dog's not fucking on fire.
But I'm going to pretend that it's on fire because rent's due in a week,
and we got to fucking have a spaz out moment,
and then have a fake fight where you slam the door,
and then three seconds later after I cut, you walk out.
You think that's good enough?
Should I slam the door again?
Maybe another one?
Edit it?
You know?
Maybe now I'm going to slam the door,
but you be in the room with me so you can get an image of me slamming the door behind me like just it's not after a
while you'd be an expert at detecting the camera on the shelf yeah yeah like
I'm like these are hidden cameras like you can definitely spot a camera like
that really quickly yeah you like it they all fuck three different angles
yeah see the GoPro on the fucking ceiling.
He live here.
Why do you think there's all of a sudden a box in your living room?
How stupid can you be?
There's a red light on it.
There's a hole in a box.
That's probably a legit shoebox over there.
Or it's a camera.
Oh, no.
My baby's on fire, right?
Ask yourself like who's
this guy holding the mic boom in my bathroom listener you know your mantle if i set a camera
on your mantle with a red light on saying recording do you think you'd catch it like
that you know while some guido was screaming at you that your dog was on fire
you walk into a room you walk into your room
you scan the room like you just look around it right and if there's a camera you'll probably
spot the camera then other than you're like okay there's a camera in this room so well and then
all of a sudden somebody runs in and tells you something ridiculous then you're not going to be
like oh no this is real right like right oh there's a camera with the lights on and here i am fake cheating on
you pretty much with jenna marbles yeah she just happens to be here under the covers link below
but um yeah no i i definitely like most of them are fake pretty sure like there's solid evidence
for it but i do i do think it's it's, you know, like I support it.
These guys are creating content.
These guys are expressing their creativity through skits in the form of pranks.
But then some of them are like the social experiments.
And I do think some of these social experiments go a bit too far,
such as stealing money from a poor guy or from a blind guy, I mean,
which is, you know, you're, like, faking results
just to make it a bit more dramatic for views.
Yeah.
It's like, does this guy go blind three hours ago?
Like, how does this guy not know his finances
are incredibly out of whack every time he leaves the house?
It's like, here's $100,
and he comes back with, like, a Pez dispenser and a Coke,
like, 37 cents. He's like, oh's $100. And he comes back with a Pez dispenser and a Coke, like 37 cents.
He's like, oh, well, you did your best, honey.
No, you didn't.
Blind people have a way to solve that.
I saw Daredevil.
In the con scene, it kind of evolved like that.
First, there were prank videos, but they were terrible.
Or troll videos.
They were terrible, though,
because it was just screaming at people or whatever.
And then they got better, but they got faker.
And you'd get cool reactions out of the kids and stuff, people or whatever and then they got better but they got faker you know like and you get like
cool reactions out of the kids and stuff but they're produced on a daily basis so yeah it's
like these situations don't arise that often like yeah you can't spend all day on xbox live and get
a ton of you know hilarious responses and prank stuff it just it doesn't happen that often some
of it has to be fabricated.
But you know,
you've got people who want to watch a new one every day.
Which I think is fine.
Like I make the gaming
videos, right?
Whatever
suits your drift. Whatever you like.
As long as you're not pretending that it's
real and misleading people, it shouldn't matter pretty much yeah but that's what they're doing that's
what i'm saying as long as they're not misleading and like it shouldn't matter but that's what they
are doing which is why i think it's pretty douchey like yeah and you know they don't even have to
come out and say this is fake these are. Just don't be down there in the description writing like,
I couldn't believe what Steve, or I mean,
the black random stranger did at 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
Like, just don't...
I don't know how to lay it out there.
I can't live on this planet anymore.
Yeah.
Faith in humanity is gone.
Yeah.
That sounds more accurate.
He stole from a blind guy.
And he's all from a blind guy.
And he's all these stupid girls, like high school girls for me, sharing it on Facebook.
I'm like, how can you be this stupid?
It's obviously fake.
And they go like, these guys stole money from this blind guy.
Just taking this as an example, but there's so many other videos.
Also, I don't know.
Did you guys cover the Sam Pepper stuff?
He came back in. Oh, yeah, I know. Oh, dude, I've got a. Did you guys cover the Sam Pepper stuff? He came back in.
Oh, yeah, I know.
Oh, dude, I've got a better one.
Oh, even better?
Did you see the Minecraft one?
Yes.
Yeah.
All right.
Let me lay this out there.
That's the one. So you've probably all seen two varieties of Minecraft video.
One is, trust me, this will get interesting.
One is the just people who do Let's Play, right?
You make it, you chop down a tree,
you make your crafting box, whatever.
Another is like the animated musical video, right?
And those are two sort of well-known things.
Eh, Captain Sparkles used to make those.
Well, there's a third genre you've probably never watched,
which is role play.
And it's machinima, actually.
You know, they they not the company
but the type of video they used to do it like red versus blue now they do it in minecraft
and they act out these scenes well there's one guy who's doing high school and there's like the
like i like her she likes me this guy's kind of fucked up in the head etc well there's a character
in his mind in his his Minecraft role play.
And he's got like the build, you know.
It's like a high school that he's walking around in.
And he's talking to other like non-player characters.
But they're having a conversation that you can read.
And he's like, yeah, you know, Jake went really wild or whatever.
And they're like in the cafeteria talking.
And a school shooting breaks out.
You can hear like the gunshots.
There's gunshots and everything.
And they're like, oh, hide.
Let's hide now.
Yeah.
And then it ends with the cliffhanger.
Did he do a follow-up to that yet?
I think so, yeah.
I think he has like five parts after it, obviously.
Yeah.
I didn't watch the follow-up.
Me neither.
I was so excited to see what was going to happen in the series.
Is there also competitive Minecraft?
Because I saw a GIF on Reddit the other day,
and it seemed like they were some sort of competitive,
like, fighting each other Minecraft.
Not...
I know there's PvP and all,
but, like, this seemed...
It was titled under competitive Minecraft.
I don't know.
Wow.
I'm embarrassed for not knowing more about it.
But there's definitely game modes that are the equivalent of COD public matches and stuff.
And like I said, I've talked about factions on my server before, which is...
The guys get into it in a...
They're pretty hardcore.
And they live and breathe just being the victor
and dominating a map but i don't know i'm not sure what i was looking at these two guys were
fighting on this like gigantic tower and and like spamming those spamming the health item whatever
it is and fucking chopping each other with swords it's and then one of them fell off the building
and fell in an enormous distance but then landed in like a droplet of water or something and lived and the other guy fell.
That's silly.
Yeah, I didn't really –
Dude, it's – so –
I could tell what they were doing was very skillful.
Yeah, that's the thing.
So at my peak, I think I had achieved below average like in terms of PVP.
But at least – like there were people worse than me now it feels like everybody
is so good that i go into it knowing i've lost they're they're you own the server though give
yourself some crazy armor you know that's unfair like you know like it he could throw lightning
bolt this has happened.
So I never do it with me, right?
With me, I just suck it up and, you know, take my loss.
And it's kind of known.
Like, I don't die very much because I'm not vulnerable very often.
But after they kill me, they get my head.
They put it on their, like, you know, their base wall.
And it's like a trophy and stuff like that.
But sometimes they kill Colin.
And they kill him too much.
Colin's better at PvP and parkour than I am.
But they'll, like, 5v1 him and just pound on him constantly,
just, like, beating the shit out of Colin.
And he's over there getting sad.
Like, you know, it's not just dying in a video game.
It's people picking on your son.
And he's like, oh, man, everybody's killing me.
And they're like, Dad, they're killing me.
They're going to keep killing me.
And I'm like, I got this.
And Colin, I'm like, all right, give it another shot.
And he's like, there's five of them. I'm like all right give it another shot and he's like there's five of them like trust me colin and uh i'll get if people know minecraft at all i'll give him health regen 12 which makes him
pretty much fucking like he's wolverine in terms of like how quickly his health recovers i'll give
him strength 20 right the strength um strength it makes your hits hit harder.
And strength 2 is a lot.
Strength 20 is fucking
like an obvious cheat.
And I'll warn the people, like
stop picking on Colin. It's not going to go
your way anymore. And I might
even give him speed. And
then he just wrecks house.
I haven't done it in a couple of months.
But it's like, you keep fucking picking on him.
All he wants to do is play with you.
He'll build with you.
He's the kindest kid you'll ever meet.
And yeah, there have been several.
Pretty soon they're going to be conscripting Colin
and sending him on raids on their behalf.
Just go over there.
You can hang out on our team over here as much as you want.
You just go over there.
Get all this whatever loot. All of the arse., all of the blocks, all the doubloons.
Yeah, I turn into an absolute superhero.
I was on a raid once, right?
So in factions, the cannons have gotten so sophisticated that they're past my ability.
Like it almost takes an engineering degree to understand how they work.
So what I do is I partner up with more knowledgeable people, like our faction and their faction become allies and we raid somebody and um uh if they
find us during the raid we're kind of screwed it's not that hard to disrupt the canon it's
very complicated and it's easier to break shit than to make shit so they had this guy i still remember his name tx sean and uh he he was like totally cool calm and collected
and like next to the cannon they put him in a glass box and they put a sign on it that said
break in case of emergency and i'm like what is this shit like he's just a dude you know like like
what's up with tx sean and they're like ah, ah, yeah, he's our PVP-er.
And it's like, PVP is player versus player.
It's the sword fighting and axe fighting and stuff.
And I'm like, all right, whatever.
And every so often I go back and his skin is like an animal or something.
He's like a dog or, I don't know, like a wolf.
And breaking case of emergency, whatever.
And wouldn't you know it, we get discovered.
So the faction comes from their base to us to defend themselves.
And so we let Sean out of the box.
Oh, my God.
The TX just started beasting on everybody.
And we're in TeamSpeak.
And we're like, dude, do you need help?
And you just hear like, it's like, nah.
There's only like three of them.
And I sit there and I watch occasionally maybe hitting a guy in the back or something, hoping it's helpful.
And he just beats them all.
With my admin commands, I can see the way that he's like manipulates his inventory.
And it is so good. Like I can see the way that he manipulates his inventory.
And it is so good.
I can't imagine how people get so good.
And it's not auto-soup or anything.
I can tell the difference.
And he just, yeah, there are people out there who are better than I knew you could be at Minecraft.
It's funny because if it wasn't for the GUI, like the gameplay and strategy,
you look at it and it'll turn a lot of people off before they give it a chance.
But if you were to get into it, it's like, oh, this is deeper than I knew. It's pretty cool.
I've been working really hard lately. I've started doing some of my own coding and just, I don't know.
Now it seems like the second I wake up,
I've got something on my to-do list until I go to bed.
What are your Christmas plans?
For the server?
No, for you.
Oh.
For you as a person, what do you do?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's let her know.
What are you doing over there?
What are you doing?
Yeah, we're resetting factions.
I'm going to be at home working WoodyCraft for customer support.
The family's staying home this year.
Jackie's going up to visit her mother on Tuesday.
And I think she'll be there for about two weeks,
and then she'll be home in time for Christmas.
And that's all I got going on.
So you're going to grow that beard out?
Yes. I'm going to talk to her about it.
Be like, you know, you're leaving Tuesday.
I'm getting so awesome.
If you go two more weeks,
Kitty might as well send you some beard oil
so you can get that thing in order.
I would like to.
I got some beard oil.
Melissa bought me some beard oil yesterday.
And I put way too much on it I got some beard oil. Melissa bought me some beard oil yesterday.
And I put way too much on it.
It didn't make a dime-sized thing.
It was more like a silver dollar and just slathered it everywhere.
And I just looked shiny for like maybe five hours.
But it does feel a lot softer.
She's laughing at me right now.
It feels better.
Not as like a short-haired dog anymore which is not what you want don't know how i like so on the sides i wish it was longer it just fills
in better and it gets darker and a lot of mine are red which leaves they're next to invisible
um but the chin it feels almost like it's too long i don't know we could trim that up i could
i don't have a lot of no. I don't have a lot of...
There's no limits.
I don't have a lot of beard experience.
I'm like, am I supposed to shorten this or just let it go next level?
I have shaved my neck, so I'm not total neck beard.
I used to let that go.
Oh, yeah.
You have to cut that down around here.
Otherwise, you get that nasty just column of hair.
Are you going to let yours go bushy like Harley?
Because I think it'd be incredible.
No, he's going to shave it soon.
He's only doing that because of No Shave November,
and somehow it's bled into this month.
It's Don't Shave December, and then it's Manuary,
and then it's February Hairy,
and then March.
I was wondering where this was going.
And then March. Then March. I this was going. And then March.
Yeah, then March.
So I don't know.
I'll let it go for a while.
I don't like it when it gets, like, really poofy like Harley's.
It's just hot.
And if you sleep on your stomach or on your face, like, you know when you wear long socks and it pushes your leg hair in an odd direction?
It feels like that a little bit when you wake up in the morning and like you slept on your face off and like your hair's flushed and
it's just like that's the main reason i shaved my feet yeah see same same principle there so
i don't know it would look just to get like the the cone look like xerxes i feel like in real life
beards are so so like i'm not in love with them and stuff.
But I really like them on my TV personalities and internet personalities. Like, you know, if I had Harley's beard, I think I'd be like, dude, I hate this.
It's hot.
There's a maintenance issue, et cetera.
I really like, you know, the quibble cop look.
But if I'm…
This is a week of no shaving, guys.
I did the no shave November, by the way,
and it was just a dirty porn stash.
I still got a few years to wait.
But when I'm watching my personalities on TV
and they have a beard,
especially if it's an unusually grown one,
then I love it.
I think that they're really interesting.
Yeah.
Who knows? Maybe.
I think the same is happening to me.
I get nothing but positive
feedback online and nothing but negative feedback in real life it's starting to get to the point
that like i'm like gonna mess with it i can feel like two tops that are developing here where i can
braid into those like viking things eventually maybe that could be cute potentially but
yeah it's...
I don't know.
I'm not going to let it get like Harley.
He always looks hot, and I know that he's a little itchy and moist under there.
Because that's just the nature of it.
Yeah, I don't envy that.
I don't envy that at all.
That looks very hot.
It looks amazing, though.
And I think that it plays part of a role in his success.
Sure, sure.
It's part of his persona.
Yeah.
I don't know.
What if he had a mohawk instead?
Or, like, what if he had, like, a goatee and a mohawk?
He'd still be some outrageous, you know.
I might lack imagination, but I think he's nailed the best option, the beard.
I like the Afro approach. That was probably was probably the best like big curly hair on the
head that's true yeah that's a great that's my favorite you know yeah every everybody like you
know so what do you how do you get your hair to do that is there any uh anything you need to do
to make it happen it's uh it's mainly just genetics like i just got it from my mom. So all I have to do is just take a shower and then I brush it.
So I make sure that no things get stuck in my hair.
And then I just let it dry up.
Yeah, I just let it dry up and then it fits.
But sometimes with the headset, it blows up a bit.
And if I go back like this, it sticks out on the sides, right?
So I can
go full-on
girly, Geordie,
like this, right?
But I kind of have perfected the way
of me putting on the headset.
You look like a DJ.
Can you make a sideshow Bob happen?
Like, is it
like this?
I think so, yeah.
Well, kind of.
It's pretty close.
Do you like that, Woody?
I do.
Is this for our role play tonight?
Yeah.
I'm in.
Yeah.
Kyle's so jealous.
It's mainly me making my hair wet,
and then it just dries up and does its thing.
My hair is longer than I normally keep it.
And I feel like right now, with the headset on from the front, it's cool.
But if I take it off sideways, there's like a crazy flat thing happening here.
Did you go to that one barber again?
I haven't found a new...
Well, I went to the Raleigh subreddit and found a new barber, but I haven't been there.
You haven't returned to the gentleman of color?
No.
No, he never...
We actually went there.
I was looking for a barber, Colin and I,
and we drove everywhere.
And I found myself at his doorstep again
and said, nah-ah.
Well, that's good,
because we would have never let that go.
No.
By the way, I see Chiz put some notes in here.
Apparently, last week we said that Wings fingered that child.
Apparently, he didn't finger the child.
But he was going from memory.
Because it even says, I think, in there.
It said, Wings never did to that kid what Wings' grandmother did to him.
He gave the kid an enema, if I recall.
All right, well, we're going to go with that.
And then if Chiz is wrong, he'll correct himself again next week.
Yes.
So apparently it was just an enema.
He didn't finger bang any kids.
Well, it was good to revisit that.
Yeah, I just want to clear that up.
We went from hair to fingering kids.
Yeah, don't worry. Very smooth transition. Yeah, I just want to clear that up. You went from hair to fingering kids? Yeah, don't worry.
Very smooth transition.
Yeah, I like it.
It's a stream of consciousness show.
Sometimes it takes you that route.
Rocket engines are all roughly the same.
How you compare better is hard because there's various stages of rockets.
Russia is not better because we're hitching a ride with them.
We've retired our shuttle project, which went way longer and more expensive than originally planned.
Finished working on new space vehicles in the next five to ten years.
Are these Chisnodes?
Yeah, he's doing like a
kind of
a, like, you know, corrections, like a
fact-checking thing from previous episodes.
I think this is a cool concept.
I just want to check his link
on this one.
Chipnotes. I don't know how to... Like, he has a page with all these rocket engines. I just want to check his link on this one. Chip notes.
I don't know how to... Like, he has a page with all these rocket engines.
I just...
I don't know what I'm looking at.
Do I look at the thrust VECT or the thrust SL?
The thrust to weight ratio?
It would...
I suppose that...
I don't think you could...
I don't think it matters. I don't think it matters.
I don't think that we're going to be able to adequately compare rocket engine specs unless we're a rocket scientist.
That's the issue.
I am no rocket scientist.
Rocket scientist.
Yeah, so he provided a list here on rockets.
I was about to say, I'm a rocket scientist.
Scientist?
Totally.
Yeah. Didn't you know?
It's like one of my hobbies.
I build black holes and I fly to Mars every now and then.
All right.
We've tested the limits of my gullibility.
And you were right there.
And then you went past it.
But I guarantee there was a little part of you that was like, is he a rocket scientist?
Yeah.
He's got an accent. I thought there was a little part of you that was like is he a rocket scientist? he's got an accent
I thought there was a hint
of it I'm like he's such an idiot
but god I'm like maybe he is
and it's what he went to school for or something
like I'm not saying he has
15 years at NASA I wouldn't buy that
but
you know maybe he's played with a lot of rockets
whatever
that crossed my mind.
Like he could be a he said rocket scientist, which I guess a hobby, a hobby rocket enthusiast.
That's what I am.
I don't know.
I just I was trying to make truth out of it in my head.
That was like maybe maybe people out there can relate.
Well, you did.
You did fall for the dad story,
which was all fake, though.
And everybody knew, by the way.
Everybody in the call knew,
besides you, Woody.
Yeah.
So, yeah, it was all a prank.
It was a social experiment.
Jordy messaged me and Kyle right before
and said, watch us get this rube.
We'll just play this snake oil.
Yeah, we put some money down.
Let's see if Woody cries.
It's a real long
con, though, because he has to recruit the
man and video and then
upload it and cry
a lot and then he's got to show up here and get the
Kleenex. He's really got to play it up.
To be fair, though, he had not seen
that guy in seven years.
Never saw him before.
Could have made it 15 years
or 20.
I hate to be an asshole, but I haven't eaten Never saw him before. Could have made it 15 years or 20. Ever since I was born.
I hate to be an asshole,
but I haven't eaten in almost 24 hours.
Getting a little hangry?
Yeah, I'm getting shaky over here.
How far are we in?
Four and a half?
Just over that, yeah.
You want to call the show?
I'm going to go to Waffle House.
Let me tell you about my latest snack.
Maybe we'll close on that.
So I've been making Bubba Burgers, which are frozen hamburgers,
but I've been topping them with an entire hash brown.
So there's a layer that's an entire hash brown patty.
It's delicious. And so I thought it is really good.
Wait.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
A hash brown?
Is that a hash brownie?
No, it's like a –
That's something totally different than I think.
I'm aware of that.
I'm like, you're eating hash?
What's going on?
So this is like a fried potato product.
You can dip it in ketchup.
Kind of a breakfast-y item.
But yeah, it's like an oval shaped uh
you know a quarter inch thick potato cake that's fried so put that on the fucking hamburger and
that was delicious i love that but then i was like do you put anything else on your
like hamburger hash brown like maybe some marshmallow fluff or maybe some cheese
there's a lot of cheese cheese might be good there's a couple layers of cheese
i don't do jalapenos but i've got jalapeno cheese so there's little bits of it in there but i've
lately i've been putting uh gravy on there as well like that biscuit gravy like like the white
gravy with the black pepper and i've been putting some layer of gravy on there like four strips of
bacon i gotta get some new buns because like need bigger buns, but I've been making
gigantic hamburgers lately.
My mouth's watering now.
That's what's about to happen.
You ain't got none unless you got buns, hun.
I have a topic I want to talk about a little bit.
First of all, Lozon fights on Friday.
So if you're watching this, yesterday
Lozon fought. Glad we could
promote him.
Oh, do you guys want to do the like fight companion
thing i would totally what does that require of us and almost nothing so it could be friday
saturday or both and the idea is remember when we did a live stream of pka it would be kind of
like that except we're watching a fight in sync and um how do we watch it like i don't have any means to watch it i don't know for me well
i haven't i haven't sorted that out properly uh if joe's on fight pass i might finally subscribe
to that um i'm definitely gonna buy the pay-per-view of 194 but you guys might not be
interested in buying the pay-per-view and one of the challenges is like having the videos in sync
yeah so be commenting on things the other one
hasn't seen yet as i'm watching it on first row sports i'd love to do what time tomorrow night
i'm i don't know for sure but it's typically 10 i'll be back by then okay okay um uh and then
what was i gonna say so there's that oh and ronda ry. So if people don't know, Ronda Rousey was this world-beating MMA person.
She's the most dominant ever seen, et cetera, et cetera.
She beat her last two people in like 16, then 14 seconds.
Crazy.
And then she fought this woman named Holly Holm.
Holly Holm, very skilled, champion boxer, et cetera, started studying MMA.
She was kryptonite to ronda's style she was just
able to to keep her away and punish her until in the second round uh she had her out on her feet
with a punch and then kicked her in the head and ronda's down espn ran a story on her this is where
it gets cool she's so broken right now. Like a couple of times in the story,
she's just like,
I'm fucking sad.
Um,
she,
you know,
they're talking about like,
you know,
Hey,
you're going to come back and get her.
And she's like,
what else am I going to do?
But you know,
right now I can't even eat an apple,
let alone take a punch.
Do you have any more substitute teachers for me to fight?
That have been in this for 18 months?
Well, there's this bitch teaching pilates on wednesdays i'm gonna go whip her ass for starters like we've got susan
in her spare time a librarian coming in at 156 pounds so the the brass dana white being the the
like front man for it is saying the next thing we do is a Holly Holmes, Ronda Rousey rematch, right?
So you have Ronda Rousey,
this ex champion who was the greatest thing ever and a huge draw, right?
They say she transcended MMA.
And for me, like I'm so into it.
They all transcend MMA to me.
Like every one of them is a big star.
But if you're outside my bubble,
like you've seen Ronda Rousey in the movies and on the cover of ESPN and like getting a lot of press that the other fighters don't.
She's the biggest draw, bigger than Conor McGregor.
He might leapfrog her this term, but, you know, so far, biggest draw ever.
And maybe Brock Lesnar.
Anyway, Dana wants her to do a rematch.
He wants her next fight to be against
Holly Holm. Most people who know fighting say that's a bad idea. She should warm up against
like someone else and put one in between. Holly Holm is old-ish for a fighter. She might be 34
and it doesn't have that big a window, but they want her to wait until July for the next fight,
which is pretty far away and um
you know i think she fought in november so from november to july is kind of a gap
they only wanted to fight ronda because it's the big it's like the match to make but misha tate
who was promised a title fight still not getting one waiting for years while her career dwindles
away and gets nothing holly home also only has a few years. She wants to have a baby, right?
That's the thing she'd like to have in her life.
So if she's 34 now, like there's, you know.
I'm sticking down, yeah.
TikTok, right?
That sounds like a certain, I feel like, I don't know,
but I was going to say like, I don't even know if I'm Ronda Rousey
and I want a baby, I think I'd get a surrogate to carry that child for me
so I can keep making millions of dollars being not pregnant.
But maybe Holly Holmes isn't in such a situation, or maybe she wouldn't want to.
Probably not yet.
I would totally do that.
Would you be on the same page, you think?
Maybe.
You have to make yourself a hypothetical woman, of course, for this.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe have somebody else host it hosted i'm not sure what the
risks are with that but like you said there's a huge money option there and whatever i don't know
it's all it's been on my mind and if you're already going through that whole in vitro process
then they can make sure they get the good sperm and the good eggs and everything so you get like
an ideal uh you know union going on there have a super baby. You could stick it in some hot Asian chick.
Just so you get to go to all the...
That way you get to go hang out with this hot Asian chick
and holding her hand and helping her in
Lamaze classes and feeling her up and stuff.
Like second wife.
It got really disgusting really quick.
Yeah.
But anyway, Ronda,
her best option is not an immediate
rematch. Ronda's going to option is not an immediate rematch.
Ronda's going to get beat again.
She got whooped so hard, no one thinks Ronda can beat Holly Holmes,
and they're going to make her get her ass kicked again.
Holly Holmes doesn't even want to fight Ronda next.
She'd rather have another fight in between so she can make more money.
And the UFC is kind of fucking over everybody involved.
Misha Tate wants a shot at the champ.
She was promised a shot at the champ. She was promised a shot
at the champ and she didn't get one. They gave it to
Holly Holm instead. So Misha's
getting fucked.
Ronda is getting fucked and
Holly Holm is getting fucked
and I thought it was pretty interesting how
it's laying down. Why not just have Misha and Holly
fight and then the winner of that can fight Ronda, right?
That's what Misha and Holly both want
but the UFC
is like, well, if this goes the wrong way
then we don't have our golden rematch.
It's not the same rematch without the title
on the line. Yeah, that's true.
It depends
if the money's there. If I'm Holly
I'm like, well, look, I'm not taking
eight months to eight months
between fights or whatever it comes to.
I'm not doing that. I would do six months but she can't fight in that time well you got to get somebody out here
to fight me in the next five to six months here's right if i'm ufc this is what i do i have holly
holmes fight misha i guess it's a risk but i i've got faith in my champ that she's gonna hold that
belt and then when she fights ronda it'll be a bigger deal i have ronda fight somebody you're
the substitute teacher of taylor's choice ronda demolishes her but they build her up as if she
was a challenge now the last person ronda demolished was an accountant who took up mma
four years ago to lose weight no wonder she kicked her ass so um uh go find another one of her i'm
sure there's some daycare teacher right now who's uh
who's ready to take on ronda for a million dollars and uh and then ronda has got her groove on again
holly has just defended her belt and the rematch is bigger than it would have been had they just
done a you know like all right run it again yeah that would be a much better play yeah that's what
i do too we'll see how it all plays
out they always try to plan these fights months and months in advance and because it's fighting
and because of the just the nature of the thing and the nature of tv and stuff it rarely goes the
way they think it's going to go how many events have gone oh yeah it's going to be fucking there's
three fights on here that and every one of them is perfect and then it all falls apart and maybe one of the fights actually goes there's injuries and delays and drug tests
and cut and weight cut like so much can go wrong yeah so often they put together these stacked
cards that i just love to see and then they're watered down by the time you see them and sometimes
they're crappy cards the wrong fight gets hurt and now they don't even have an event people will watch.
That event we watched in the theater was excellent.
It was very good.
The Saturday one, just as good.
Oh, yeah?
The one coming up in a few days that people want us to do the fight companion.
Of course, it's McGregor versus Aldo, the fight that was scheduled to happen.
I want to see that one.
Before that one will be Rockhold versus Weidman, which is another great matchup.
There's Jakari Sousa versus Yul Romero.
You might not know them, but it's an incredibly cool matchup.
And probably the winner of that will fight the winner of the Rockhold-Weidman championship thing.
Is there a women's fight at all?
Are there any women fighting in this card?
There's a women's fight tonight that's pretty cool women fighting in this car there's a woman fight tonight that's pretty cool rose namaharis versus page van zandt i think
they fight tonight i'm not sure and because there's like three things in a row and i forget
if the first one's thursday or what the scoop is but they're headlining a thing and that's going
to be pretty awesome um on the stern show they're putting on a bit of a fight of their own uh it's
on the extreme entertainment it's the Extreme Entertainment League or something like that.
Are you familiar with the entity known as Tan Mom?
Do you know what Tan Mom is?
Yes, I know what Tan Mom is.
So Tan Mom came to prominence a few years back.
She's one of those incredibly tanned, like, 40-plus-year-old women in Florida.
I don't know if she's in Florida anymore. Like leather skin past her expiration date.
Totally.
And how she gained fame was there was something about her putting her baby
in the tanning bed or wanting to, and there was a whole thing about it.
Anyway, she's one of the whack packers.
She's one of these people that Stern makes uh you know makes fun of on on on
the radio to make his millions and so they've had her fight someone before she fought someone called
they called milf mom whatever the fuck that is uh which was just another chick and that other chick
beat her ass and this has been this is this was last year beat her up in the ring they used 24
ounce gloves so it's not that big of a deal but now she's
fighting a transsexual now she's fighting a woman who used to be a man and like they're all looking
at this person in the studio and they're like howard's like i don't know uh he's like you've
got a lot of muscle on you you're you're big. And so, like, Tan Mom starts talking shit to this,
like, calling her a freak and calling her a man
and, like, not respecting the
fact that she's transsexual or transgender
or whatever at all. And it
really got heated to the point where they're just,
now I want to see the fight.
I want to see that man. I want to watch that more than any UFC
fight.
It's literally
a man, a woman who used to be a man
fighting a freak of nature
who's over tanned.
It's not Phelan Fox, right?
The woman who used to be a man.
Is she black?
I was listening on the radio,
but it sounded white.
It sounded definitely white.
Okay.
She's like 50.
That's the other thing.
This person's like 50 years old.
Yeah, it's a real freak show over there.
You gotta keep that in mind. The person I'm talking about is a professional
fighter. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We've talked about that person before. I didn't, we didn't
care for that. I don't think anybody with any common
sense does. Totally unfair.
And everybody agrees.
I don't know who doesn't. Like, if I'm the chick going
in there to fight her, I'd just be like,
fuck you!
Only people who are, like like progressive to a fault of like
too afraid to step on anybody's toes even in face of reality would say that's okay like that's yeah
that's some south part level like turning a blind eye to reality that's that's just absurd
i gotta watch that episode man it was great. I enjoyed it. It was very good.
I like what they did this whole season.
I read a New York Post, New York Times
article that they were talking about this season
of South Park and what they've done with the whole PC
principal thing and everything. It was a good read.
I enjoyed this season. I thought it was
one of their better seasons. It's amazing that
19 seasons in
and that show's still
pretty fucking entertaining.
I like it better than Family Guy. I like it better than The Simpsons, certainly. 18 seasons in, and that show's still pretty fucking entertaining. It's definitely the...
I like it better than Family Guy.
I like it better than The Simpsons, certainly.
The Simpsons is pretty blah these days.
I watched a few episodes recently.
I didn't care for them.
Have you guys watched Rick and Morty?
Yeah, I love it.
I want to get my hands on season two.
I'm watching it right now, like five episodes in,
but I really like the humor.
It's really dark. And the jokes, they're just like five episodes in. I really like the humor. It's really dark.
And the jokes.
Five episodes in season one?
Yeah.
It gets better, according to me.
I know, I know.
It gets better every episode.
I get way laughing.
This is like legit a series where I'm just laughing out loud.
It's just too funny.
It's really, really good.
The mistake I made was I
consumed them too quickly.
Yeah, that's what everybody tells me.
So I tried to pace it out like, one a day,
one a day. Yesterday I was like, I'll just watch like three.
You know,
you pop them like they're Smarties.
I don't know if Smarties were here.
And they're gone.
And then you're like, alright, season three.
You realize it's 18 months away.
I gotta pace it out one a week to make it yeah yeah i'm not gonna make it i started game of
thrones i think at the end of the first season and i was like oh i didn't know that like other
seasons didn't exist i was so bummed what were you saying uh like my next appearance has to be on the show
because i definitely want to come back if you guys would like me to come back i want to join
game of thrones talk really is i'm a massive fan of game of thrones and uh i definitely would love
to join in some did the trailer show john snow alive or just a dead body that they twisted the photo on?
Alive.
Nah, it was just a dead body.
Nah.
There are a number of people who say he's dead in that shot.
Yeah, but he's going to be alive next season.
Like, he's some magician just going to go like,
Woo, you're alive, right?
But then again, it's this crazy guy writing all the books and things like that.
He could just be dead.
Yeah, he kills people.
Yeah, and then everybody could just be like, what the fuck just happened?
Why would you cut off Jon Snow?
But I still think...
He's killed off crucial characters before, definitely.
But, you know, with...
With a reason.
With a reason.
Obviously, the Starks, you know?
Like, you thought thought i think the
main one to me isn't isn't uh is rob stark not not his father like that one was the one where
it seemed like they were building the traditional hero story there and he died i was like he's
gonna come back next week but what they've done with john snow is very different like they there's
so much behind him being the guy right the azura's eye thing or
whatever like there's so much like interwoven bullshit when the calise is having flashbacks
in that magic temple uh and seeing the baby in the crib and like all the symbolism it
john snow is deaf it what is r r plus l because J or whatever? That's got to be the case.
It just has to be.
That's what I believe.
I know this guy loves to pull the rug out from under us
and kill our favorite characters,
but I just don't think that's the case this time.
It does seem like there are a few bulletproof characters.
I wouldn't say Jaime Lannister was one.
No, he could possibly die.
But Khaleesi, Tyrion, what's his name tyrian right tyrian lannister and john
snow seem like the three unkillable characters and now and uh and and and the the girl brianne
no no no um oh oh sansa you're thinking yeah i agree no no, no. That's Sansa. Aria.
I'm the name king, baby.
Ah, well,
I've seen some posts.
Even a broken clock is my question.
Yeah, right?
We just chose not to name characters
because there's 50 of them.
Like, dude,
female character, there's like a dozen. Pick one.
I want to know why...
Have you read the books?
I haven't, no.
Well, I was going to bring up the whole Stoneheart thing
and what the fuck we think's up with that,
but we'll leave that for another day.
I told my girlfriend about that the other day,
about what's in the books.
I'm like, this is what happens, and this is how
they leave it all.
But they might just go the other way. The thing that i'm talking about is something that happens in uh like the fourth book
i think i i can't recall exactly i think it's the fourth book i think yeah and it's major and it's
crazy it's it's a bit of magic that's that's a little bit more magical than some of the other stuff we've seen. It's like, whoa, that's crazy
magic. And it's
kind of game changing.
It really is game
changing. It's this massive thing
that happens and you're blown away
by it. And there's no
mention of it and there's no
they're not alluding that they're going to
go in the direction of it or anything like that.
It seems like it's just been dropped to the wayside you're you're talking about stoneheart
yeah i was gonna say the same word yeah yeah stone yeah yeah and stoneheart has interactions
with other characters that are really severe and it like because she's not in this show you're like well i can't reconcile what the story is with
this person anymore um i'm i'm you know bran wasn't around for all of uh this last season
of the show i'm hoping that next season we get stoneheart bran and maybe one of those fucking
i don't like sansa i could deal with a season of no Sansa
maybe Sansa and Reek are just
adventuring through the wilds fucking each other
somehow like fucking
scissoring together or something
and like that's what they're doing all this season
I could deal with it
stop putting that Sansa on the screen
if you've got to kill her off
just do it cause that chick can't act
or you're not feeding
her anything to work with because all she ever all i know is she likes lemon cakes and she's annoying
in the book sansa this is not a spoiler i don't think but in the book sansa evolves into like a
clever person who's feminine and manages to like play the game of thrones by developing a little bit
of wisdom and guile in the show every time there's like a hint of that like she has a clever
conversation with um who's the brown haired rams finger i was going for little finger um every time
she has a like a conversation with little finger that makes you think that she's suddenly getting clueful as opposed to clueless.
And then she just
like, whatever,
gives Ramsay the wrong opportunity,
gets raped, is weak, etc.
Wow, I sound like I put down
rape victims there.
If Sansa's character
was like, alright,
this is awful, but it's a means to the end.
I'm going to make this happen. That'd be one thing.
But I really got the sad, broken victim that she was in every season prior to this one.
And I'm like, no, I want this character to evolve into a player in the Game of Thrones.
And she's been a victim all show.
Less Sansa, more Jon, more even Bran.
I like Bran because he's got Hodor there
and you know Hodor is always good for a laugh
more Tyrion and Arya
more Tyrion and Arya at the expense of everyone
because those are the two best characters
Arya is one of my favorites just because
she's just so like spontaneously
violent you know she'll just like stab
some guys eyes out and go to work on them
that was heart fucking core when she took
that guy apart but yeah stab some guy's eyes out and go to work on that was hard fucking core when she took that uh when
she took that guy apart uh but yeah i could deal with i could deal with more just about anybody but
but man i don't care for son i feel like tyrian's a little overrated uh he was amazing in season two
right um ned died it's like who the hell's gonna carry or maybe it was season three but you know
ned died who the hell's gonna carry season two and then tyrian comes along and his interactions with joffrey from not being a
like position of power not a position of power that whole thing and how he navigated it and he
was so clever and sharp and you know well spoken i loved it since then he's been what a weak little
nothing traveling like fucking Lord of the Rings style
trying to find Khaleesi.
Eh, weak shit.
Well, he killed his dad.
Yeah, I don't care how powerful he is, really.
I just, I like him.
He's clever, and he's always,
he has no power in his new situation,
but it doesn't stop him from being a dick.
Like that scene where they wanted to cut off his dick
because it good luck yeah
it was worth a lot of money i think yeah a slave trader i'm trying not to say dwarf dick because
i think it's not politically correct they called it in the web in the in the in the series all
right so anyway the dwarf dick apparently is exceptionally valuable compared to regular dicks
and you know he's like yeah you'll never know it's from a dwarf.
I'm like, well, it's pint-sized.
He's like, you'd be surprised.
And he talks his way out of getting his dick cut off and killed, I suppose.
But the whole thing was done so weak.
He didn't seem like a clever guy who got the upper hand and such.
Really, he peaked in season two, according to me.
We'll see.
I like him.
Yeah. I like him. Yeah.
I like Arya.
I'm looking forward to the new season.
It's not until April again or something like that.
Probably late April at that.
It's always sunny.
It's coming pretty soon, though.
That's January, I believe.
I saw the teaser for that.
They were going for some sort of VHS 80s like ski ski look
to defend the mountain
kind of thing
that trailer doesn't have anything to do with the shows
yeah
that's definitely an episode right
if
you guys gotta watch the YouTube video
of Bill Burr making a pie crust
I saw parts of that
I haven't seen it how long is it like 11 minutes it's him actually showing you howr making a pie crust. I saw parts of that. Oh, I haven't seen it. How long is it?
Like 11 minutes?
Oh, it's like 11 minutes or so.
It's him actually showing you how to make a pie crust.
It's not a good show video,
but you should actually watch it.
Oh, okay.
What was I going to say?
Oh, Always Sunny in Philadelphia did a thing
where they replaced all the characters.
I remember Chael Sonnen was in it,
and I don't remember that having anything to do with the season.
Chael Sonnen.
He's a UFC fighter.
I retired now.
Yeah.
Yeah, everything was yellow and brighter.
And I think they did a skit.
And, you know, it was just promotion.
So I'm not convinced that this promotion is related to an episode,
but it could be.
Yeah.
I don't know.
But huge UFC stuff coming up up I'm very excited about it
it's like our Super Bowl and
unlike the real Super Bowl
you're never sure it's gonna happen
you know like
if Tom Brady
sprains an ankle they'll still
hold the Super Bowl like it's guaranteed
but if
Conor McGregor sprains an ankle
like they just won't fight.
It'll be done.
Last time it happened, Jose Alda bruised a rib.
And he's like, forget it.
I'm not fighting.
It sucks.
And it appears that the MMA gods have finally given the fans a break
and they're allowing another super event to happen.
Well, I'm looking forward to watching it.
Maybe we'll do that live stream thing if we can get together uh saturday would be the one that i'd definitely
be interested in but but as long as i'm back in time friday night i'll hop on to as long as there's
a way for us to watch it and team with each other without spending some ungodly amount of money or
something yeah i don't have to look into it all right well hey i'm gonna go get some food very good um
i'm gonna go get some sleep that was painkiller already episode 260 thank you to jordy
and thank you for having me be sure to check out patreon if you guys haven't seen that in a while
the patreon hangout was amazing this month i think it might have been the favorite one i've ever done
the i just felt like there it went two hours instead of the one yeah unusual and i just like everybody got along well
hanging out with each other and talking and chatting and uh anyway check out the patreon
thing and um yeah links in the description bye everybody see you bye