Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #275
Episode Date: March 31, 2016This week on PKA, YouTube and Rotten Tomatoes film critic, Chris Stuckmann joins the crew to talk about Daredevil Seaosn 2, the faults of Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice, then they have a good tim...e discussing Hulk Hogan's recent win against Gawker and review the footage of Katt Williams getting his butt whooped.Â
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Here we are, PKA 275, we're live.
We have four sponsors tonight, we want to thank them all, Headspace, Prosper.com, Audible,
and Club W, if you want to learn more about them, there's a link in the description.
We'll be talking more about them later in the show, but first things first, we've got
a special guest this week, we've got Chris Stuckman.
He is an official movie reviewer, a Rotten Tomatoes critic, and a published author.
So welcome aboard.
We like to do a good bit of movie talk over here.
I don't know if we consider ourselves movie buffs or anything,
but we watch a lot of movies,
and I in particular watch a shitload of TV,
so this should be fun.
Thank you very much for having me on.
I appreciate it.
So how do you get into the world of reviewing?
Were you just talking to friends one day,
and you said, this movie sucks,
and they're like, you got a real point.
You need to go into this.
You just took off. This guy has a gift. Well, no well no i mean it kind of started just as a passion really i've
always loved movies and i've always loved uh watching them obviously you know you grew up
watching movies but they're sort of like i don't know if it's like this for everybody but for me
there was this time period where suddenly movies became more than just the thing I went with my mom to see.
It was like, oh, wait a second, people make those.
You know, people write these and people come up with these ideas.
And so when I kind of realized that it was something that could be artistic,
that people thought up these ideas and all these really cool things they wanted to see on the screen,
I myself became really interested in that as well.
I spent most of my teenage years doing short films and all kinds of
crazy things. Indiana Jones fan films
and stuff where we nearly killed ourselves doing our stunts.
During that time, I would write user
reviews on Yahoo or something for movies you know quick
little paragraphs of things and um when GeoCities was still around uh Yahoo's free movie hosting
site I made my own website and wrote reviews on there in my free time and eventually it just kind
of blossomed into a love of discussing film and I tried to do it on YouTube as a kind of a
combination of the two things I love making short films with my friends and I tried to do it on YouTube as a kind of a combination of the two things I
love making short films with my friends and I love writing reviews so I was like well why don't I
film myself doing reviews and I combined the two loves I had and uh it started pretty rocky uh when
YouTube back in the early days you guys probably remember this you couldn't you had to like apply
for partnership you know you couldn't just automatically monetize
your videos so i did it for free for like two two and a half years while i worked uh my normal job
and uh eventually it was able to turn into a career over the years because of fan support and
uh sponsorships and things like that so it's kind of crazy so when i realized that movies weren't
just something for me to consume but were instead were like somebody else's hard work it made me less likely to shit
all over that movie like it happened for me as an adult like i it with this stupid youtube channel
i have um i don't know not that what i do is is a movie by any sense but it made me appreciate like
what it took to get audio done.
And I've done a couple things that were on a set here and there.
And just the whole team that's involved and all the editing
and all the audio and the lighting.
Now I watch it in a slightly different way
because I have something of a vibe of what it was like off camera.
I had the opposite reaction.
After learning
what goes into
filmmaking and all that stuff, it made me
much more likely to shit all over
a film. It's like you had
one job. Your one job
was that one thing. And not just you,
but half a dozen other people. And there
was a guy in charge of your little group.
And then there was a guy above him that was supposed to
be checking on his work.
And you all fuck the pooch.
Like when I see like slot,
like bad,
like stupid writing,
bad writing,
or even if it's a,
it's,
it's some like inaccuracy in the storytelling or if there's just stuff going
on that I'm just like,
Whoa,
what are you doing there?
That's,
that doesn't make any sense.
I,
I'm much more likely to shit on it because it's like you had one job.
Why couldn't you polish out that,
that, that,
that huge glaring hole in your,
in your movie that they kind of ruined it.
Like 75 people on a committee,
all arguing about this plot line.
And then somehow the editor didn't get the memo and fucked up.
And that's a bad producer.
Hmm.
I'm sure that for a lot of them,
it's the same.
It's just like watching a committee take over your baby,
where you're like, this is what it's going to be.
It's so great, all these ideas, and you just hand it over to them,
and they're like, that's good, but oh, tear this out.
You know what?
Oh, we need some romantic interest, too,
and they start interjecting things that they don't need.
Yeah, sprinkle a little romance.
Perhaps we can have a song over here.
Perfect example, Chiz.
Well, now, see, that's not their fault.
That goes back to, like, the studio will come to them with that bullshit.
And if you want the money to make your movie, you have to.
It kind of gives them an excuse, in a way.
Like, that you shouldn't be as mad at them.
Because it's like, what did they really...
Like, how much of that is ridiculous?
Like, when you see Will Smith drink a can of, like,
oh, fighting aliens really makes me want to Sprite Zero.
And he's drinking it.
It's like, nobody wrote that in there and thought it was great.
I don't mind product placement if it's seamless and it fits drinking it. Nobody wrote that in there and thought it was great. I don't mind product placement if it's seamless
and it fits the story.
Like iRobot?
No, go back to E.T. She's eating those Reese's Pieces.
I don't care.
She had to be eating some kind of candy
and you know why she did M&M's?
Because they wouldn't work with them.
That's one of his sponsors.
I don't mind product placement if it's seamless but i want to talk about daredevil at some point is it is it too early to get into that
okay so just so you know like i have two apps left oh no your failure is a movie in those two
episodes the the season completely lost me so i won't i won't spoil anything for you. Thank you.
My issue with Daredevil
is that in season one,
to me, it felt raw and gritty
and real. It felt like you had
one man who, despite being blind,
had a lot of gifts and
talents that allowed him to beat up
multiple normal men
in a nighttime
scenario. I can suspend my disbelief long
enough to believe that like okay he could this one super trained man can beat up five
not trained men just criminals yeah yeah and he's got these sticks and stuff he's he's beating them
with clubs and he's beating them senseless he's not holding back he's also strong right
and the element of surprise and all that yeah yeah. So I had no problem with that.
This season, he's literally fighting groups of ninjas with samurai swords.
And that's just absurd.
That's just beyond my own...
I can't hang on anymore.
He's a superhero with a cat.
Not only that, they try to make out like Hell's Kitchen is its own district. It's like a 10-block region in New York.
And the police are so ineffectual in this show, it's embarrassing.
The police will be like, they'll respond to an Officer Downs scenario with three police cars.
And it'll be like one fat cop, one old cop, and two women.
And only one will have a gun out.
It's absurd.
So here's the thing.
I've been raising my hand for five minutes.
So when I see 30 samurais, I just assume they're all retarded.
That's what, like, my movie training.
Kyle's like, yeah, one guy would fight 30 samurais.
And I think, oh, but that's how ninjas fight.
Whatever they are.
It's a 1v1 fight, right, with 29 sort of bad background dancers.
And then once that one guy is dismissed, the other one is like, you know, time for me to get my ass kicking.
It's funny because I've watched so many incompetent ninjas that I just assume they're all like that SNL skit that probably a few people will know.
But see, that's not how it works.
I like the point that Kyleyle made about hell's kitchen like they try and build it up and not just in
this series every time hell's kitchen dimension they make it sound like it's this sprawling
you know urban decay of crime and corruption when really it's like if superman were the superintendent
of goodness in new york then daredevil would be like the substitute second grade social studies teacher.
Like just every once in a while
popping in. Maybe he helps, maybe he doesn't.
He's blind. You just let him do his thing.
He's been with the school for a while. Give him a break.
Is it 10 by 10? Is it 100 blocks? Or is it like 5 by 2?
I think it's like 10 blocks.
That's what I've heard. I don't know. I haven't looked it up.
It's a small area. I was watching it
and I was like...
I was telling my girlfriend, I was like, Hell's Kitchen is so small that that building behind him is not in Hell's Kitchen
I was like what but meanwhile like there's like a lot
There's a scene where some lawyers are walking around and one of them says we
We work with the finest clientele in all of Hell's Kitchen, and I'm like
Yet the fight you with the finest clientele
in a 10 block region?
You seem pretty down on the
geography
of the Daredevil.
It's annoying me a lot.
It's that little thing, but it annoys me a lot.
I don't know why Hell's Kitchen...
They don't need to specify at all.
He could just call it the neighborhood
or where he is.
I don't know where Spider-Man patrols.
Spider-Man's always just swinging the fuck around.
I don't care if he's in Central Park
or if he's in Brooklyn.
He's just slinging webs and whipping ass.
Hell's Kitchen is.84 square miles.
It's less than a square mile.
It's how many acres? 570 acres like 538
i i used to hunt on a 600 acre property and you just walk around it
i think it comes down to i think it comes down to just they're attempting to stay as true to
the comics i think as they can in that regard because the comics are always like it's hell's
kitchen meanwhile in hell's kitchen oh and by the way this is hell's kitchen so they always try to make it seem especially since marvel comics all exist within
the same world so yeah spider-man's in new york other people are in new york and here's little
daredevil and punisher and they're kind of over there so yeah it's kind of like it's it's difficult
because now the tv shows are trying to do. I have a different criticism.
I'm sorry.
I was just going to say the TV shows are trying to do the same thing the movies are now where it's all a universe.
And so it's sort of like they're giving everyone their little bit of territory. Like, here you go, Daredevil.
You can go there.
There you go, Jessica Jones.
You can walk around there.
And so it's sort of like.
I don't like the casting.
Part of the fact that everybody in New York has their own superhero guarding their subdivision, apparently. You can you can walk around there, and so it's sort of like I don't like
Everybody in New York has their own superhero guarding their subdivision apparently like isn't that already their own kind of bullshit Where they're like can you believe those Hell's Kitchen assholes? There's a blind guy their superhero is a blind guy
I live in Manhattan. We've got Superman. Oh, so spider-man just swung by we're good all those pores
They get the blind bad attorney who doesn't have enough sense to get out of that area
and do some real good.
It's not nearly as romantic to picture him
walking through Hell's Kitchen
and feel the cobblestone change to cement under his feet
and realize he's gone too far.
He has to return to the area that he's safe.
Oh, Jesus, I don't know where to put my hand
and follow the wall here.
He's also just a semi-competent attorney.
He's not even the best attorney in Hell's Kitchen.
So do we hate Daredevil here?
I'm getting the vibe that everyone hates Daredevil.
I want to talk about the casting.
Does anyone else feel like as a superhero, Daredevil is kind of a fucking normal person?
When they take his shirt off and stuff, he's obviously buff.
You know, whatever.
But dressed?
This guy doesn't even stand out on the street.
Kind of coming and going.
I am, well... Yeah yeah you're modulating i wish skype would die in a fire um you guys aren't getting me
fuck kyle can you still hear me i can still hear you yes okay
uh we tested kyle you had something you were going to launch into it.
I loved the first season of Daredevil.
I really did.
And I liked probably the first half of the second season,
although there are certain characters that when it switches to them,
I hate them.
One of them is Daredevil, okay?
It's not good if it's the main guy, right?
It's not. In the first season, what I loved about the first season was Fisk.
Vincent D'Onofrio is incredible.
He owns that shit.
He is the kingpin.
He's so great.
I love every time he's on screen, I'm like, oh, fucking pay attention.
It's Vincent.
He's going to do his thing again.
Credible is better than Fisk.
He's going to crush somebody, or he's going to, like, smush a skull, or, like, he's going to do some devious thing. Let's see what He's going to do his thing again. He's going to crush somebody or he's going to smush a skull
or he's going to do some devious
thing. Let's see what he's going to do. And then it'll switch
to fucking Foggy
who's literally so unattractive
that he's hard to look
at.
He's difficult to look at.
I would prefer Nobu
who literally is a burn victim.
When Nobu's on screen I'm like, oh cool, Nobu. He's going to do some cool shit burn victim. When Nobu's on screen,
I'm like, oh, cool, Nobu. He's going to do some cool shit.
But when Foggy's on screen,
I'm like, ah, Foggy, you're hard to look at, man.
Get a haircut. What the fuck?
He's awful to look at, and I hate every moment
that he's on screen. Foggy's hard to look at.
Can you guys hear me? Foggy's hard to look at.
And the Predator himself
doesn't... Captain America's
physically imposing. You talking about the Punisher?
Who's the Predator? Oh, I'm sorry.
Daredevil, I meant to say.
Daredevil doesn't even look physically
imposing. He looks like a librarian
or something to me. With his shirt off,
I know he's fit, but
I'm just... I get nothing from him.
It bothers me too much.
Taylor could totally whip
Daredevil's ass.
100% Taylor would manhandle
Daredevil. If you stood Taylor
next to him, I bet you outweigh
him by 40 pounds.
He's a little guy. I don't have an issue
with that if he was an actual superhero
who could fly or
bend steel.
You know what i'm gonna
do is i'm gonna bring a gun or a lead pipe i'm gonna squat somewhere quiet not move with a
handful of pennies and just toss them around and as he follows these weird vibrations wear them out
you know then eventually sneak up behind him throw the pennies a little closer a little closer
if daredevil was my enemy i would have that problem solved immediately like don't you want
alarms like going off, like super loud,
and get all your henchmen wearing earmuffs that modulate that down?
And then, hang on, here's an idea.
Give them all guns.
Tell them to leave the knives and shit at home.
No thumbtacks tonight, guys.
Yes, New York State Police.
Yes, there's a blind man just going ham in the middle of Hell's Kitchen here.
I have no idea what he's doing.
He's been screaming about being a daredevil, some sort of rogue vigilante.
I'm really upset about it.
Can you please send some state troopers over here and get this taken care of?
The Hell's Kitchen PD refuses to acknowledge this problem.
This blind man is a terror on our society here.
He's a bad attorney.
His goddamn poster's all over the town.
Tacky.
Lowering profit values.
It's just...
I don't know.
Yeah, that would be the trick, too.
I feel like you could call the state police
and tell them that that asshole's
swinging around town
whipping the shit out of people
with iron pipes,
and they would just lock his crazy ass up.
But the Punisher was cool.
So, the Punisher was really cool.
I like that the Punisher,
like, two or three times throughout the series,
the Punisher has that moment
where they're like,
don't do it!
Don't do it! If you do it, you'll have gone too far!
And he's like, BANG! And just fucking does it.
And doing it is literally always blowing somebody's brains out. He's always shooting people. Constantly.
Is it ever really too far, or do they always come around to see it?
No, it's never too far. Barely far enough.
Nah, fuck it. He's good.
12 gauge to the face, point blank, like all kinds of.
Barely adequate.
I like the torture this season.
I want to say that.
No, the Punisher was great.
And what I like most about him is how he's willing to actually do the shit.
Right?
Daredevil?
Fucking pussy, Daredevil.
Just that everything he does is a half measure.
Well, that's his character, though.
His character has a moral dilemma.
He's a Catholic.
He was born. He doesn't want to kill
anybody. If they were to
just completely forget the entire
source material of Matt Murdock
and just have him go out ripping people's heads
off, then there'd be no moral...
There'd be nothing interesting about the show anymore
because the moral dilemma of his character...
Is the least interesting part of the
whole show. Well,
I disagree.
I don't...
I'm not advocating...
I think Elektra is probably the least interesting part.
Yes, Elektra sucks.
Elektra's the worst part.
When she's on screen, I hate it too.
I'm not advocating that they suddenly make Matt Murdock a killing machine.
Right, right, right.
I'm just saying that I'm going to enjoy the Punisher's Netflix series much more than I'm going to enjoy...
John Bernthal
is blowing my mind. He
is incredible in this
season two. John Bernthal, I had my
doubts going in, but my god, he is
so good as the Punisher. He's really everything
I've wanted from the character because
Thomas Jane was okay in the
movies, but the first movie, I guess,
it was played by Ray Stevenson, the second
one. I don't count
that one yeah it's kind of just there it's like they made it and then for me i just i like i hear
what you guys are saying i hear what you guys are saying there's a lot of jokes about the fact that
he's blind and everything but like for me i like the fact that he isn't some muscle-bound like
insane insanely fake person i like the fact that he really is just a normal guy who probably
works out fairly often uh he doesn't have a superpower per se he just can can hear things
well and perceive sound and noise well and i like the fact that i like i like superheroes like batman
that are just a guy who except he's like the marvel batman except he's not like fucking absurdly rich
like he he has to he has to
deal with all of this shit in his powers are hard work and determination yeah
when he gets into a tight spot he's the guy who won't give up he'll just he'll
keep fighting and he can really make a beating they keep going back to that that
he can take a beating and since we're in the Marvel Universe it let's just let's
just all pretend that he's a mutant and he's got some degree of a healing
factor and then maybe it doesn't seem so absurd no they're not inviting no he just heals this
party he's not on that level of he does have a healing like i thought the nurse commented on
season one am i am i making this up um i think it was i think she said something about the fact that
he's just he's got he can take a lot of shit, I think.
He doesn't have any powers per se.
He just, he can just
take a lot. Are you sure about that, Chiz? Are you
100% sure? Chiz is telling me that
the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are
not in the Marvel Universe, are they?
He's telling me that it's the same
ooze that made the Ninja Turtles, but
I think that's bullshit.
Let me read. I have not
heard that, but if that is, but I think that's bullshit. I have not heard that.
If that is true, I would be very entertained.
I would be too.
How could you possibly know something like that?
It's like saying, oh, did you know that the final bullet shot out of
Neo's gun was, you know, made out
of the same metal that made the One Ring?
Because if it's canon,
if it's been written before,
if it's written, then it is so.
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Well, see, that's my it is so. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Well, see, that's my other question. Are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
in the Marvel Universe? Because that was a new one for me.
I don't think they are.
I'm pretty sure you're wrong about that, Chiz.
I don't think it's Marvel. No.
Fuck you, Chiz, with your silliness. That's not right.
You'll find out.
But yeah, I really enjoyed the Punisher.
I thought that actor did a great job.
I didn't know his name offhand.
I really enjoyed him in The Walking Dead.
And I saw him in something else where he was kind of like a low-down, kind of slow-witted criminal.
I can't remember the movie or show.
He was recently in Sicario.
His name is John Bernthal.
He had a smaller role in Sicario.
I saw him in that, yeah.
I like him a lot, and I think he's going to be able to carry that show really well.
I love all the imagery.
I was about to spoil a bit.
I won't go any further.
Thank you.
Trust me.
I really appreciate that.
Jesus Christ.
That's fascinating.
Can I read something to you?
Read it.
I'd love to hear this.
Turtles contained an origin.
I'm sorry.
The turtles' origin contained
direct allusions to Daredevil.
The traffic accident between a blind man and a
truck carrying radioactive ooze.
A reference to Daredevil's own story.
Indeed, the version was told in the first issue.
Splinter sees the canister strike
a boy's face. It was not just
the same fluid. It was the same...
Like, the traffic accident
that got Daredevil also hit the teenage mutant
ninja turtles season season three is teenage mutant ninja turtles teaming up with daredevil
and everybody and they have a flashback so here's what they do here's what they do they do the
flashback and they show that scene they've already shown a few times where his father like finds the
boy boy matt murdoch all blind and he's like i can't see i blind. And he's like, I can't see. I can't see.
He's like, you're my boy.
You're my boy.
And he's holding him.
And then the camera pans away now like it never did before.
And it zooms in on that storm drain.
And it goes down and snakes down like the camera can't even do, CGI style.
And there the turtles are.
And it's troop, troop, troop, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Then you get them in there.
I would watch that.
I would rather watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
I'd much rather watch the Ninja Turtles. Then you get them in there. I would watch that. I would rather watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
I'd much rather watch the Ninja Turtles than Daredevil.
So the name Splinter parried Daredevil's mentor
who was Stick, right?
Get it? It's like a short little version of Stick.
And the foot, a clan of evil ninjas
who became the Turtles' archenemies,
likens to Hand, who are mysterious and deadly
ninja in Daredevil. So yeah, the
whole thing is like a children's
parody of Daredevil. So yeah, the whole thing is like a children's parody of Daredevil.
Really last second tie-ins
right before the meeting that day.
Oh, I don't know, call them the hands.
Fuck!
I didn't expect this.
I don't care about the hand or the foot
or any of that shit in the show.
They really lost me this season with the plot.
They need Vincent D'Onofrio in there
to be his foil, to be
on the other end
because that's what i like you went from matt murdoch who i felt was a little weak then back
to fisk who was strong as fuck and that was that was good enough to keep the show going for me that
and that the fighting was so gritty and so realistic uh like episode three when he's like
rescuing that boy and he's got the ropes wrapped around his hands and he they have that one uh long
shot i know there's actually a cut in the middle and they have that one long shot. I know there's actually a cut
in the middle, but they have a very long shot,
and I loved all of that, and I
just didn't get that this season.
There actually is a shot just like that
in episode three, though. There's the stairwell shot.
I actually think it's better than
the cut man sequence.
The reason I think it's better is because it's harder.
It's just me.
There's so many cuts in there.
There's like six or seven cuts in that stairwell scene.
Well, of course.
They're doing more shit than just the hallway fight,
which was amazing.
I think the episode's called Cut Man.
Episode two, season one, it was amazing.
And I loved it, trust me.
I was just raving about it.
But for me, I actually appreciated the one in three
a little bit better because I loved how he wrapped a chain around his hand
and he started blasting out the lights above him.
Yep, that was cool.
I just, I don't know.
Yeah, now that I think about it, the chain thing was cool.
And I think Daredevil is an imposing figure when you arm him.
But after we watched the season finale,
my girlfriend and I were sitting there and talking about it and
I was kind of saying a lot of the stuff I've been
saying now and I said
can you imagine how badass Daredevil
would be if he had a fucking gun
like if he just
gave Daredevil a Glock 17
like he would be
incredible right
because he's already so good that he's like
you know,
flicking those sticks at people and nailing them in the head.
If he could just point and shoot, he would be...
No way.
One guy with his Beats by Dre around his neck turned up too loud,
and his whole aim is thrown off, and he's killing kids in buses.
No, don't give him a gun.
That's nonsense.
They might be right.
I didn't think of that.
Yeah. Give that guy a gun. Just said heman's gonna get called in he's so barely blind that i i forget like the only
thing that his blindness seems to impact is that he can't read books he i mean the braille i he
can't read lettering on walls that's about it but i i feel like if they need him to then he'll be like feeling he'll be like he'll have a flashback and stick will be like feel deeper matt and he'll
be like feeling the ink on the paper or something like like he's always got a way to like feel or
hear or smell his way out of it i want to see a sense of smell come in more i want him to have
to smell like find a stinky guy or something. Crime!
This guy eats garlic all the time.
He just reeks, and Matt's walking around like Italian restaurant after Italian restaurant.
No, he's a guy who steals
the unlimited breadsticks from Olive Garden.
That's the level of terror that he's assigned to.
Next thing you know,
he's got eight broken ribs,
a broken arm.
He paid the eight bucks for the unlimited trio, but goddammit, it's getting ridiculous here., a broken arm. I mean, he paid the eight bucks for the Unlimited
Trio, but goddammit, it's getting ridiculous
here. Come on, man. We're going out of business.
I'm just another guy. I got a family.
So many goddamn breadsticks.
He throws that fucking pipe at his forehead.
No, don't bring the gun.
So yeah, my impressions from Daredevil
this year have been that
it could have been better. I hope when
Vincent D'Onofrio comes back next year, I'm sure it will
be better because he really is what makes
the show for me. And I'm definitely
excited about Punisher. Not excited about
Elektra. If there is an Elektra, and I don't think there
will be, but
I'm most excited about Punisher because I love
the idea of a superhero who just
goes around and shoots people. I mean, I'm already
kind of a fan of the Punisher.
I like the Punisher comics.
I always liked the, you know, the first Punisher movie.
I like that one.
So I'm looking forward to seeing that TV show.
I got a question for Chris about...
Yes, sir.
I'm wondering, because there are those movies that, like,
every critic really, really loves,
even though, like, they'll be rated pretty low by the population,
like the general population on Rotten Tomatoes.
What's one of those movies
that you kind of have to like
if you're in your line of work
to kind of have the respect of liking it
that you honestly think is kind of shit?
Not that it's cocaine,
but something like that.
Well, I would hope that someone
who is trying to be a professional film critic wouldn't feel that someone would have to like something.
I would hope that that conversation would never come up, but it does.
I've been in many situations where I've said, oh, I like this, and they're like, what?
And I'm just like, okay, sorry, like, big deal, you know?
What movie gave you that reaction, just as an example?
okay, sorry, big deal.
What movie gave you that reaction, just as an example?
Under the Skin.
I really, really loved with Scarlett Johansson,
and a lot of people hate it because it's very strange.
It's very weird.
It's unconventional.
It's off-putting.
I can totally understand why anyone would hate that movie.
It's a very artsy film, and if you want more than just sort of like imagery.
I've seen exactly three minutes of it.
Okay, well, then you've probably got the vibe of how it's going to be.
Well, that's how long Scarlett Johansson is completely nude in the film.
I kind of just stuck to those three minutes of the movie, and that's really all I needed to absorb.
Gotcha.
Yeah, those are good moments i got
to see those in the theater so that was even better um but no i i really appreciated that
movie and a lot of people hate it it's a very strange movie um there's another movie from from
that same year actually uh 2014 called enemy with jake gyllenhaal very weird movie is directed by uh denise villeneuve who made prisoners and sicario and is
working on blade runner 2 enemy i do think is a good movie uh dr chiz uh but no i actually really
love that movie it's very strange it's very different and it's hard to understand it's i
took it took me two months of just like thinking really to actually be like i think i understand
what that movie was going for
it's a very strange movie uh just similar to under the skin very imagery based a lot of metaphors
and and shit like that but i love it and i like movies that are sort of like puzzle pieces where
you you feel like after you see it it's kind of scattered and and not in a bad way like scattered
brain like it's it's like the the pieces are there
and you can't just fully get it the first time and i like i like watching movies like that that
that when when it ends you feel like you kind of want to assemble those pieces and
and think up of uh you know like what what was that about what did that mean
and some movies are better the second time almost because you're like oh you can watch it from the
beginning knowing what's going on and see because the characters know what's going on so they're they're acting like that it's i know what you mean i
wanted to ask you about some of the bigger movies from from last from last year and and you know
recently this year uh so tarantino obviously had had a new big one and uh i guess it kind of had
mixed reviews i went and watched the 70 millimeter uh the roadshow edition of The Hateful Eight, and I thought it was one of his worst movies.
I didn't like it a lot.
I liked it, but I didn't love it.
And I thought there were some pacing issues.
I felt like, have you seen it?
I'm sure you've seen it.
I felt like the part where they go back and, I can't remember,
what's the actor's name who's in the basement the entire time?
Tatum. When they go back and basement the entire time? Tatum.
When they go back and show everything that Channing Tatum did before the stagecoach arrived,
it really broke the flow of the movie to me, and I didn't care for that entire block of film at all.
And I don't know. It just didn't do it for me.
I agree. I like the movie more than you, but I agree. That was my least favorite part of it. That was by far the issue for me. I agree. I like the movie more than you, but I agree.
That was my least favorite part of it.
That was by far the issue for me that I had.
It was like...
Tarantino does this.
With all of his movies, almost,
there's always a point where he goes,
oh, two weeks ago this happened,
or oh, two years ago this happened.
He does it with almost all of his films.
Rarely ever are
his narratives just a straightforward narrative but with with this movie that was my one big
issue with it it just felt like it kind of broke the progression of the story and i feel like that
filmmaking style he has that he loves to do that obviously like look at um um reservoir dogs when
he goes back he's giving you more information about Mr. Blonde and you're figuring out what
makes these guys tick. It's really important
as it leads up to the torture scene and stuff
like that. And there were a lot
of opportunities to make that style
work. What if they had went
back and showed some of Samuel L. Jackson's
youthful days?
Any of the characters...
I would have rather seen a flashback of any
character in that movie other than Channing Tatum. He's the one, I would have rather seen a flashback of any character in that movie
other than Channing Tatum. He's the one who I just didn't give a fuck about. The rest of them
are the ones I had bonded with, the ones that had really interested me with their rich backstories
and their interesting personalities. And each of them, it seemed, oh, you're that guy? You're the
guy that everybody's heard of? You've got a bunch of people there who are kind of folk legends almost.
So it would have been great to go back to any one of them in their younger days,
any kind of flashback involving them.
But Channing Tatum's flashback not only felt clunky and messed up with the flow of the film for me,
but just wasn't interesting.
Samuel L. Jackson had my favorite flashback in the movie during the first half
where he's like, I made your son suck my dick.
And you see it and you're like, wow, that's pretty much the worst insult you could really give somebody.
I mean, can you imagine as a father a worse insult than some random guy just telling you what he did?
He basically sodomized your son.
I mean, that's like, that's
pretty terrible. Yeah.
It's awful. And that was a crazy
moment in the film. And I know there's a lot of discussions online.
I don't think that he actually, in fact,
did that. I feel like Samuel L. Jackson
is provoking him in that moment.
And he's just like, he's trying to
just really go over the top because
this guy hasn't pulled his gun out
yet. He's already told him that he's walked him out naked through the cold and he's just escalating he wants this
guy to draw down he wants to kill this guy right there then there so i don't think you actually
probably not but they kind of leave it ambiguous where it's like you can choose to believe whether
or not this happened and i guess i guess the one bit that kind of, for me, teeters towards it did happen is that they show it.
Like, if they had just had him explaining it without showing it, then I'd probably teeter towards he's just provoking him.
But Tarantino filmed it, and you see it.
So I kind of am sort of like, 60-40, he did it.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm asking.
If he filmed it and showed it, then wouldn't you be like 100% zero that you did it or i haven't seen the notes like i don't know because it feels like he's
painting a narrative yeah he's like telling a story and then you kind of it's sort of like
cross dissolves and you see his story being told and so it's like it's not a hundred visual aid
to his story rather than something.
It's a different point of view for the audience, I feel like.
That's how I felt in that moment.
I felt even though there's some ambiguity there to whether it happened or not,
I don't believe it happened.
In any case, that's how I felt about that one.
I liked it, but I didn't love it, and I would rank it pretty near the bottom of his films.
It's right there with – I like Kill Bill better.
I do.
I don't think Woody likes Kill Bill very much,
but I like Kill Bill.
I consider it one movie,
and I like the one movie of Kill Bill
better than Hateful Eight.
Although I found the 70mm aspect
and the Roshow aspect of the whole experience really cool.
Where are you on Death Proof?
For me, that's his least favorite for me yeah it's my least favorite but um but i i can still get into it i've watched it half a dozen
times oh wow i like watching uh i like watching kurt russell i like watching him act and watching
his eyes and and he's a really thoughtful actor he's been acting since he was a kid you know he's
back in like classy or something like that there's old disney things he's the really thoughtful actor. He's been acting since he was a kid. He's back in Lassie or something like that.
There's old Disney things.
He's the best part of Death Proof by far.
He's definitely the best part of the movie.
Definitely so.
He's really good.
And I don't know.
I guess I definitely like that car chase.
Once it starts and once she's strapped to the hood,
it's not about dialogue in that moment.
It's not about classic Tarantino filmmaking.
It's not about how much blood's splattering on the wall.
It's about mimicking those grindhouse films
that he's thinking back to from the 70s,
and that's what he's doing there.
He's not trying to be Tarantino.
He's trying to be some weird director from the 70s
who made a grindhouse movie
with a bunch of hot chicks driving in a fast car.
So it kind of stands alone, in my
opinion, from the rest of his work
in its own way.
There were a lot of movies this year
that I liked.
I really liked seeing
DiCaprio win the Oscar
finally. Yeah, that was a good moment.
We all three were really happy about
that. I just wanted
to get it over with um i i
felt like he deserved it i feel like he's a good actor i i enjoyed the revenant immensely um i
thought it was beautiful um i i it it it was more about it was visually incredible um the story
itself wasn't you know it wasn't perfect for me it wasn't a 10 out of 10 it wasn't an excellent story um but his commitment to the role and just the beauty of the filmmaking and i can't remember
that uh cinematographer's name the one who won his third uh oscar in a row uh the guy who did
birdman and then gravity and then it's lubezki or something like that I want to say it's Emmanuel Luzbeski. Yeah.
He's the one.
DiCaprio should be thanking him for his Oscar in some regards, because
thanks to his camera work
and the look of the film,
that's what kept me engaged enough to appreciate
DiCaprio's acting.
Really enjoyed that film.
Yeah, it was directed by
Alejandro G. Iñár yuritu and then the cinematographer
was emmanuel lubezki yeah yeah i love that and and it made i didn't connect the dots with uh
lubezki until with gravity and birdman until this third film but i loved gravity and i loved birdman
i saw gravity in 3d and it was an experience it was it was it was reminiscent of the matrix and
that it was kind of groundbreaking.
It was something I'd never seen before,
and I always tell the story of how the man sitting
next to me, there's a part where a
Solius capsule breaks apart, and it's got all
these ropes flailing in space
that connect to a parachute, and
she's slipping off the spacecraft, and she's
trying to grab these flailing
cords, and in 3D, they look like
they're in their face, and the man next to me was trying to grab one.
And I was like, yeah, this is a cinema experience.
Or it's Georgia.
Oh, Lord, we're in space!
I told you we should have went to church instead of seeing a film.
I look over about five minutes in, I realize he's been holding his breath.
He's all red face. We're in space!
I'm not, right?
That movie was great for me, and Birdman was too.
It had that really long take.
I think there was some trickery involved there,
but that's what makes him good at his job, I feel like.
I guess you could spend
weeks and weeks orchestrating
a no-cut take that's really difficult.
But what he does, it seems, is that he's the master of doing one or two takes
and making an incredible shot.
Like when he walks out, so he gets locked outside the theater in Birdman
and he has to walk through the crowd in New York and everything in his underwear.
So really, really enjoyed that film.
And then, I think
the other one I wanted to hear your opinion on was
Deadpool, because I
fear with its
financial success that
Hollywood is going to say, ah,
there's the ticket. Titties
and ass and cursing
and slice people in half.
Yeah, violence. And nothing but winners.
These are a few of my favorite things.
I feel like there's going to be a horde of bad movies that try to replicate Deadpool's success.
Absolutely, there will be.
I love it.
It's still currently my favorite movie of the year.
For me, Deadpool is perfect for that because that's the character.
The character of Deadpool is a foul-mouthed ass. And so
if they're going to make the character right,
then they might as well make the movie like that.
And I agree with you. There's going to
be a ton of people who are like,
we have to make our movie rated R because
Deadpool. And, you know, like the
Batman v Superman Blu-ray is going to have
a rated R cut.
They're talking about making the
last Wolverine standalone rated R,
which I'm fine with, actually.
Because the character of Wolverine
can get very violent and bloody,
foul-mouthed, he smokes cigars, and he
kills people, so I'm fine with that.
And the original cut for
the Wolverine, the last
standalone, was actually rated R.
And the studio, I guess,
kind of was like, eh, maybe cut it to PG-13.
But the Blu-ray,
extended cut of the Blu-ray
is nice.
There's a lot of blood.
He throws ninjas inside
a wood cutter or something, and the
blood just is spraying out of the wood
chopper. It's amazing. Where was that?
I want to see that. Get the extended cut
Blu-ray. My favorite example of Hollywood
censoring an R-rated movie,
chopping it to bits to make more money
is Galaxy Quest.
Are you aware that that was originally
intended to be an R-rated comedy?
No, I had no idea.
Not only that, but there is a scene at the end
when I think the spaceship's crashing
maybe through the atmosphere,
and I can't remember the guy's name.
He just passed away.
He plays Snape.
Alan Rickman.
Alan Rickman says fuck or something along that line.
He's a motherfucker or something like that as they're crashing,
and you can see his lips say it, but it's dubbed over,
and he's like fudge Or something like that. But they
chopped that movie to bits and what
was a raunchy, R-rated
dirty comedy with Tim
Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan
Rickman, and
Tony Shalhoub, I think is that actor's name?
Was
dumbed down to a...
Even in PG, I think it has its moments.
It's got some good...
It's a decent movie for what it is.
You gotta really sift through some shit
to get to the good moments.
That's what I'm saying! They butchered
what was a good movie, because they
went from an R to a PG rating.
And that meant they had to cut a lot,
apparently. All the language.
Yeah.
I actually really like Galaxy Quest. i never knew that i never knew
that it was uh originally r that's interesting i think um that was probably a financial decision
obviously because they probably figured well people aren't when they come out 1999 yeah star
trek wasn't doing so well in 99 the next generation movies were starting to kind of phase out into the
shitty or next generation movies and so since it is
obviously a satire on the star trek world they probably were like well no one's gonna see this
even if it is pg so we better make it pg but i've always enjoyed it i think it's i think it's uh it
has its moments it's one of tim allen's better movies for me yeah that's not saying much though
you know i really love christmas with the cranks the cranks Christmas with the cranks and Santa Claus
I mean if you want to say Toy Story
Toy Story is probably his best
Jungle to Jungle yeah there's a classic
oh yeah Jungle to Jungle
oh I forgot about Jungle to Jungle
I'm a
looking back if I recall correctly
that kid was way too white
to just have been found in the jungle
even among his tribe.
It was like, oh, so you
picked that one.
You picked the white one.
Yeah, there was something a little wrong
with that. I noticed that back then too.
Wild Hogs was one that
blew up out of nowhere.
That was a low budget.
That one did really
well. I remember when that came out and I did not like that movie at all.
I didn't like that.
I didn't really like it either.
It felt lowbrow.
I just didn't like it.
Oh, you know what I'm interested in is Game of Thrones.
I'm sure you sound really into TV.
Game of Thrones, where are you at there?
Talking to me?
Yes, yes.
I've never seen it.
The reason is simply because it's one of those things where everyone says,
hey, why haven't you watched that?
Well, because I watch four movies a week, and then I try to watch other things,
and then I'm married, and so it's one of those things where it's like...
52 minutes a week, come on.
Yeah, but it is, in the strictest sense, your job, right?
Well, when you have when you don't
watch one season, and then you don't
watch two seasons, and then you don't watch
three seasons, it becomes a thing where it's
not 52 minutes a week, it's a
lot. It's two hours
a day. Can I tell you what you have on your hands?
A great show that I've never
watched. A treasure trove!
Can I tell you something else, though? I want to
ask you a question.
You guys are doing a podcast here, and I imagine you get a lot of requests, right?
I suppose so.
I imagine a lot of people probably send you requests for things they'd love to hear you talk about
or things that they're interested in hearing your knowledge on.
There comes a point where so many people have told you to do something to the point where you
don't want to do it and it's sort of like i would love to watch game of thrones i would love to at
some point and i brought i can pretty much guarantee i will like i want i waited until
the last season of breaking bad to watch it and i watched all i watched all of it and it was amazing
and it was amazing um more than likely what will happen is when Game of Thrones comes to an end, I'll probably watch it.
And it's simply because I can't stand cliffhangers.
I hate them.
I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
Because it's like, well, I don't know.
I love finality.
I love closure.
I understand you've got to wait for certain things to happen.
And I get it.
I love closure. I understand you gotta wait for certain things to happen, and I get it.
But I just like the idea
of when it's all done,
just taking two weeks or three weeks
and just getting all the seasons
and just binging it.
That's gonna be really fun.
I'm envious of you, because that's gonna be awesome.
Yeah, it really is. Because Game of Thrones really does stand
apart from every
other television show that's on the air
or ever has been on the air in my personal
opinion it it's it just transcends all of them it's it's a bigger scope and usually when you go
that big and wide with the scope of a television show you miss out on the finer details on on
character a and character b or and then you look in the background and that orc is wearing a rubber
mask you don't get that from game of thrones you get movie quality episodes once a week all season long there have been a couple of
of issues that are just aberrations that that we were all kind of like ah what are they doing come
on that fight that choreography wasn't so good but most of the time the fight choreography choreography
is excellent the writing is incredible because it's based on such amazing writing to begin with.
And the characters are so rich, so interesting,
and there are so many of them
that you'll need a Rolodex to remember them all
because every one of them counts, matters,
and has their own interesting twist about them
and fits into the big Game of Thrones
in their own special way.
And after a while, you'll be wearing Game of Thrones memorabilia
and humming a song in your head, listening to audiobooks.
One thing I don't like about Game of Thrones is the names.
Now, I'm terrible with names, so maybe this is unique to me.
But none of them have any human names that you've ever heard before.
Yeah, it's never Ted of Winterfell.
No.
It's literally Ned. It's literally Ned of Winterfell. it's literally ned it's literally ned of winterfell
come on okay all right ned actually and john stark i guess there's a couple of them that
that have normal names but there are a lot of like crazy names and all of them are just like
bearded guys in their 40s so if you can deal with like a has 92 bearded guys in their 40s with made-up names...
See, the big problem...
I'll take some bearded men. I have no problem with bearded men.
The biggest problem is this.
See, on The Wire, which is a show that I would put almost at the same level, The Wire.
Wire's incredible, but I don't think it's as good as Game of Thrones.
In The Wire, you have a lot of multicultural people, multiracial people.
So it's easier, and I hope that doesn't come off the wrong way,
but the issue in Game of Thrones is
everyone is a white guy
with a beard who's okay
looking and has a sword and long
hair and he rides a horse.
This describes every man in the fucking
show virtually. So
every now and then there'll be a bald character or a guy
with a big bushy red beard
and you're like, oh, that's gonna be a cool
guy right there. He really stands out but um it's it's a lot to take in and i i've seen every episode i think three or four
times at least um i've i've went through the audiobooks i think i've got half of the last
audiobook to go and i'm about to start in on that because it's becoming gamer throne season so i
want to get like into the mood i've been saving it till now. I did get to interview Sean Bean.
Oh, that's awesome.
That's one of the only
real times I've
interviewed somebody.
Did you ask him about the fact that he's constantly dying
in movies and films? The reason I didn't ask
him is because
I was like, I just want to make sure
because that's an imposing
guy. When you meet him, you're like, I just want to make sure, because that's an imposing guy.
When you meet him, you're like, wow.
Let's not simply interview Sean Bean.
Yeah, I mean, that's 006 from GoldenEye.
That's Boromir from Lord of the Rings.
And then he was in Patriot Games with Harrison Ford, and you're like, wow.
So I watched basically every interview that I could of him that was already on YouTube.
And 99.9% of them, did you know you die a lot in movies?
And it cuts to his face.
That's what I've been told.
And so I was like, you know what?
I'm going to not ask him that and just hope that he doesn't.
Because I think like now.
Go a whole different direction and be like, so Mr. Bean, what was it like when you were parading around that palace causing mischief yeah mr bean what was it
like being alive in this movie and tell us about not dying so yeah it's it's for me it's just
become and it's funny because um you get kind of briefed with his publicist beforehand. And he was just, he, this is what he said. He was like,
I just want to let you know,
maybe don't ask about the death thing.
And I said,
I wasn't planning on it.
And he went,
that's probably a good idea.
And it's just,
you gotta,
you gotta really put yourself in the guy's shoes. You know,
he is a guy who wakes up,
he eats breakfast,
he goes to the bathroom and then he's a normal guy, you know? And so, and then everyone who walks up, he eats breakfast, he goes to the bathroom, and then he's a normal guy.
And then everyone who walks up to him, oh, you're alive!
You're still alive!
And he's like, yes, I'm alive.
It's great.
It's one of those things where I just didn't want to be that guy.
Do you get to see movies early?
Oh, yeah.
Have you seen Superman?
Yeah, I saw it Tuesday.
I got my review up already.
oh yeah have you seen superman yeah i saw it tuesday i got my review up already oh that's where i wanted to go with this because chiz just sent sent us all this little push here that shows
the tomato meter on uh batman v superman and it is currently sitting at 31 percent uh not good
from the critics and a 77 from the audience um quite a disparity there um and it's worrying me
a lot i haven't watched any of the
teasers any of the trailers that that have led up to batman v superman when i was uh when i was in
deadpool the other day in imax i literally plugged my ears and stared at my phone while that trailer
played and and my girlfriend looked at me like i was there i was insane because i just don't want
to know anything so i'm i'm a little upset by upset by this because I was hedging my bet that this was going to be
a blockbuster that I was going to be able to get on board with.
It's kind of like Iron Man 1 or Avengers 1.
It was going to be great, but tell us.
You might like it a lot.
I won't say anything plot-wise or anything for you.
I think it's a visually stunning movie.
I think it looks incredible.
There's nothing wrong with the action sequences to me.
I think it's an exciting action film,
but as a story and a narrative,
I found it to be a giant mess.
It's very hard to balance so many different characters
in movies like this,
and the other issue that I have is
it is most definitely a setup's a setup movie you know
it's it's you go to it and you can tell that warner warner brothers is pulling strings you
know and and and they see they're pulling strings and for me the best superhero movie of the past
couple years was deadpool and the reason i love that movie so much besides the fact that it was
exciting and funny was because it
could just be a movie it didn't have to set up a universe it didn't even have to set up deadpool 2
there's like one sequence in the after credits where he's like by the way we're gonna make
deadpool 2 and that was it the rest of the movie is its own contained film for me movies like the
amazing spider-man 2 was awful and largely because What's Fox?
Well no that's actually Sony Excuse me you're right it's Sony
and one of the things that it was so
for me it was so bad was
that it was just like hey here's a two hour
trailer for a Sinister Six movie that's
never going to happen
even for me the worst
scene in Age of Ultron
was like Thor going to a pool to set up Thor Ragnarok.
Because Marvel said, hey, we have to set up Thor Ragnarok.
And Joss Whedon was like, well, shit.
Okay, here's this dumbass scene.
So that's kind of Batman v Superman's biggest issue for me is they shoehorn so much into that movie and it doesn't feel like it.
You know why, right?
Yeah, of course.
They fell behind in the the dc marvel arms race they fell far behind a you know marvel has had a couple of
phases now to set up this this massive universe that keeps getting wider it's not it's not just
getting taller it's getting wider this universe that they're creating. And DC's like, oh shit, we don't even have time for a Batman reboot.
We don't even have time for a Superman 2.
Let's stick them together and throw in half a dozen other superheroes
and we'll start wide and then we'll build tall.
And it's not...
I can see where that could be...
Yeah, I'm with you there and messy by far
for me the biggest the best part of that movie is perhaps the most hated element leading up to it
ben affleck as batman is amazing he's incredible as i knew it would be yeah three years ago i was
one of the only people saying he was going to be good. After I watched the Bank Robber movie that he did.
The Town.
The Town.
It was a good movie.
Yes, that was incredible.
But not because of him, though.
I thought it was great because of him.
Jeremy Renner was good, but he was excellent.
I think it is because of him that that movie is great.
I mean, he directed it.
The movie was his vision.
No, acting, I mean.
Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, man. Sorry.
I thought the guy who did Hurt Locker,
I thought he was a better actor in that movie than...
Oh, is that his name?
Jeremy Renner, yeah. He's Hawkeye.
Yeah, don't care for him in that.
Hawkeye doesn't have a...
He's like the weird Avenger.
He's like, hey, I'm here, I'm here.
He needs a TV show.
He's walking to the wrong room.
Here he is on the Avengers.
They asked him recently if he'd be open to a TV show
and he said, oh, totally.
And I was thinking like...
Give me something!
My favorite part...
Daredevil?
I'm sorry.
I think Daredevil would catch those arrows, right?
No. An arrow goes so quiet
he wouldn't see it until it was too late.
Until he heard that little flutter
of the fucking back of the arrow
swinging back and forth and embedded in his forehead.
He just shoots.
He has explosive arrows.
The funniest part of the Avengers for me is
when Hawkeye
it's like towards the last act where all the shit's blown out and for me is when Hawkeye, it's like towards the last act where they're all like everything, all the shit's blown.
Everyone's crazy.
And Hawkeye is like, he jumps off a roof.
He fires an arrow.
It like connects to a rope.
And then he crashes through a window and he lands on the ground.
And look, he's just like, oh, shit.
He's just like, oh, God.
Like he doesn't, you can just tell that he's like a human being.
He's like, oh, my God, get me home.
It's just, I love that. It's so funny. I mean, and it's, you know, because he is, he's like a human being. He's like, oh my god, get me home. I love that. It's so funny.
And it's, you know,
because he is. He's just like there.
He's like the guy who helps children out of the bus.
You know, he's like, hey, the bus is
over.
I'm going to call it now. I bet they kill him
off in the next Avengers movie because
I feel like that's what...
I feel like they've been ripening him up
for that. They got his family backstory now.
We know he's got people counting on him.
It's really going to tug at the heartstrings when Jeremy Renner explodes
because he actually runs into an actual supervillain,
and he just vaporizes his ass because that's what actual supervillains do to humans.
They vaporize them by looking at them.
Like when it finally all comes together
we get the affinity gauntlet cooking.
I think those movies are going to be great and the scale
is going to be massive when you have
the Guardians of the Galaxy interweaving
with X-Men and Spider-Man
is swinging in with Captain America's shield
throwing it to
Captain America. I love that
there's so many characters in the Marvel Universe and they
seem to be mixing them well.
Although Ultron was definitely a step down for me.
I didn't like it nearly as much as the predecessor.
Right, and I think a lot of that really does have to do
with a studio saying,
hey, these things have to happen.
Because the Avengers was the end of a phase
and Joss Whedon almost had most creative freedom,
and there were just a few things they had to do,
but none of it was like this big setup.
It was really just a standalone movie
that kind of was like the end of something,
and so Whedon was able to just end it
and have all this amazing shit.
With Ultron, it did kind of have to connect,
and it was just too much happening
and too many creative ideas being
thrown at the wall i think yeah i i definitely agree and for me that was batman v superman
it's batman's amazing and the action's awesome um it's a badass looking movie but the story and
the narrative it's all over the place and it is grim i mean it is like humorless just this black and and I
get it Batman is dark but I mean the Dark Knight was a funny film that had
jokes there were moments and obviously the joke the Joker's in it but even
Batman Begins was somewhat light-hearted at times I mean there were moments where
you could laugh with it and feel like okay I get like when when he's testing his Batmobile for the first time and he's like does it come in black like it's just great moments like that
There's nothing like that in Batman V Superman like the funniest parts are not even funny
It's just they kind of it just feels like a thing like a pin dropped and you can hear it drop
I guess how quiet everyone was I would like some witty repartee between Batman and Superman
Well, like while they're fighting.
Little quips back and forth
and insults and stuff.
The cool thing about it would be that Batman
could whisper the insults and Superman
would still hear them and stuff.
It wouldn't matter if Superman was
thrashing him and swinging him
through a building. He would just be like,
You'll never live up to your father, Clark.
You'll never make him proud. You failed them before. You'll do it again and he's just like in his head that
would be great but you know what i want to see is i want to see the only realistic way that batman
could take down superman it's just eight hours just long series of humorless litigation in court
constant batman has a team of attorneys on just retainer
taking down Superman
Superman's desperate
he has no currency he doesn't understand it here
he's getting murdered in court
he's getting angry breaking the desks
they're like let's talk about Mr. Kal-El's
legal status in this country
first and foremost
fucking Trump says I'm back
where's he from
Krypton people of
gotham versus superman 600 parking tickets you can't build a wall to keep him it's funny because
like i again no spoilers but the movie it's funny how close you are to actually how how the house
parts of the movie actually does look like in a way on trial, but they never
they never
go anything interesting.
It's just Snyder's answer to
everything is something will eventually
blow up. It can't be interesting
to have Superman on a
trial run by humans. The very nature
intrinsically of that, it can't be interesting.
It's like me being on trial of a bunch of stuffed animals.
The worst thing that can happen is that I decide not to leave oh you've captured me
no i can leave whenever the fuck i want superman you can sit there and be like oh golly am i guilty
guys oh you got me then boom just the entire court is exploded and he leaves like there's no there's
nothing at stake that's why it's not exciting you know i'm aware that i'm saying this without
having seen the movie but i like i said they had to load up a bunch of stuff to get the dc universe
fired up but i really would have liked a superman movie where it was just superman and he was
dealing with those issues the issues of being a god at least a demigod uh in comparison to all
the other human beings and what that would be like and what i mean surely if there were such a being in our real world right now,
there'd be groups of people who worshipped him.
I mean, we've got cult leaders who just are good at,
are just silver-tongued and good at telling people lies
and they end up getting worshipped.
You've got a guy flying through the air.
He's going to have a cult.
The Watchmen handled that really well.
I don't know if you guys can hear me,
but there was a character named Dr. Manhattan.
And there are parts of it, like this guy could snap his fingers and fix all the problems,
right? He was just, he was a super genius. He could do anything. He could clone himself.
There's scenes where he's having sex with a woman and, like, coding on the computer.
Doing science in the background. Yeah, yeah, right? He's doing 30 things at once.
Yeah, with literally the clones of him. And he had, like, 12 dicks if he wanted them. Yeah,
and, you know, there was a part where he goes to Mars, I think, if I the clones of it. And he had like 12 dicks if he wanted them. Yeah.
And there was a part where he goes to Mars,
I think,
if I think it's where he went and they're asking him like,
Hey,
you know,
can you help us?
We really need you.
And he tries to explain like,
look,
I don't care about you.
You are so nothing to me.
You are roaches or crickets to me.
It's you're a blink of the eye in terms of, you know,
time across the universe.
And,
I don't know,
it just, it was really,
it was like,
I know, I know,
but it would be so easy
if you were to solve this problem.
That's so key to us.
I always thought
when he's fucking the chick,
who's very hot, by the way,
I was thinking, like,
I bet he's like,
there's definitely more
than one penis involved.
Like, he's for sure
double penetrating her
because if you if if your boyfriend can have a dozen penises like at some point you're going
to take advantage of the fact that your boyfriend can have a dozen penises i think you top out at
two being useful a dozen what do you get at least three or four in there i mean yours you know belly
button maybe i'm talking about different inferences.
Keep the streak alive.
Oh, you brought it up.
All right.
Keep the streak moving.
Would it just be a little one?
Zack Snyder is an interesting filmmaker.
I like his films, but they're all kind of similar,
and they're all flawed in similar ways,
but they're visually beautiful.
Yeah, I mean, it's a good-looking movie,
but in classic Snyder
fashion he has a hard time balancing
the amazing visuals with a great story.
I like that movie
more than it seems most people did.
I really like that.
It seems like most people
hate that movie and I watched the extended
long ass version that's like 3 plus hours.
I liked it.
I thought it was very interesting to see
more down-to-earth zero uh superheroes who who in effect are just really fucking strong and that's
their superhero that's their superpower most of them it just it seems like they're good at fighting
different powers right there's a guy who could pretty much dodge bullets right that the
the blonde handsome guy at the end.
Yeah, yeah.
There's a couple of them who are like super duper powered.
They're like another tier above,
but like most of them are just good at fighting, it seemed.
Yeah.
Yeah, Daredevil wouldn't have made the cut.
No.
He wouldn't have been invited to class the first day
if that was what he was applying for.
No way.
Anyway.
I'm trying to think what other movies came out
that I'd like to hear your opinion on.
I know that Chiz is saying what?
No, Chiz is talking about more superheroes.
Tell me superheroes.
I like Sicario a lot.
I thought that was really good.
How about Mad Max or Star Wars?
Did you guys see Mad Max?
Mad Max was my favorite movie of the year.
Mad Max was my second or third favorite film of the year.
I watched it twice in theaters.
Loved it.
Mad Max was literally the only movie last year I gave my highest grade to, A+.
It was the only film I got it last year.
Did it bother you that the plot was so good?
The phrase eye candy gets thrown around a lot, but Mad Max really is eye candy.
It's just like...
It's great.
It's just a 1985 movie that came out in 2015,
but they were utilizing today's technology to make it,
and that's something I loved about it.
It was just so old-fashioned.
There's CG in the film,
but it's mostly used for background rendering,
like maybe we'll put some clouds here
or extend the mountain range a little bit,
stuff like that.
Or flesh out the...
CGI is really good at fleshing things out,
adding that extra 10% that in reality makes the shot.
There's those scenes where you've got...
They'll have 12 real vehicles,
but then they'll throw in eight fake ones in the background,
and now it's an armada of vehicles coming across the desert.
And they,
you know,
they hype up the,
the sand a little bit,
get the lightning flowing.
And it was beautiful.
Um,
I,
I really,
uh,
I really liked Mad Max.
Uh,
I know there's a black and white version.
Uh,
and I intend to watch that as soon as I get it.
I don't want to see it.
I love the soundtrack in that movie too.
Yeah.
The whole chase,
the first chase just gets you hyped and going.
And then you get more excited when you realize this isn't a movie.
It's not bickering with itself about the plot.
It's not concerned with that.
It knows exactly what it is, and it is nonstop action.
But do you pause you guys?
Although the whole thing is like, oh, they're going to go out, and she turns left instead of right.
Okay, I've spoiled it you know
like that's there's i get that it's eye candy i i like mad max i feel like i'm dogging on it i just
felt like it you know for it to be a great movie it it needed more than just visuals i like the
universe they built i like that the war boys have leuke, and that's why they're getting blood transfusion.
That's why they're all pale and shit.
I like that their religion is the V8 religion,
and they're worshiping the V8 altar.
And, you know, to have a wheel,
to have the wheel of a car is an honor,
and to be a Lancer is like a secondary position.
And they've got this whole hierarchy
and the scarification that they've got going on.
And when the girls are talking about that, he's just a war boy on, um,
on his half-life or whatever. It's clear that there's been a nuclear, um, you know, Holocaust
and, and now everybody has been affected by it. They're not so healthy. Um, there were some,
and you know, you got the titty milk ladies in there, they're milking all those fat women. Like
who wrote that up that you want, you know i mean like somebody was like yeah and they've got the fake baby dolls did you notice that how dark
was that that these these these large women are being milked for their breast milk and they have
fake like baby dolls that are like post-apocalyptic scary baby dolls all fucked up and mangled with
one eye and they're like rocking them it was it was pretty dark um that is dark
yeah as i remember those dolls it's like have you ever seen pictures of like it'll say like
halloween 1908 and the kids are all standing there in their homemade costumes and they're
horrifying they're very very dark and they're like that evil doctor with the long beak and it's just
like what parent was like oh with glee you'd be like oh hope you don't die in
world war one like i think what makes that movie to me despite tom hardy's amazing he's he does a
really good job it's it's solid as a rock but imperative furiosa is the coolest female character
that there's ever been maybe going ripley and alien it it it's it they're side by side I feel like she is the epitome
of a female badass
like no
she's not sexualized in any way
we don't care about her titties
we don't care if she has a love interest
or any of that
it's all about kicking ass and driving a big rig
and I love that
yeah she was phenomenal in that movie
and from what I understand there was a lot of tension
on the set because i guess both her and hardy kind of had a hard time really understanding what
george miller the director was going for and i've since like since it's come out and everyone loved
it and tom hardy has like publicly apologized to him like in in so many interviews saying like i'm
sorry the movie was so good i'm sorry i doubted you so it's one of those movies that for me the first time i saw it i was just blown away it was
just one of those movie going experiences it reminded me why i love movies so much it reminded
me that movies could be that transformative to where they can actually like inspire you and just
make you want to i was laughing out loud truck i was i was
laughing out loud i was like nudging my girlfriend and going wow like you know when when there'd be a
big action scene or something would happen that was ridiculous when a face gets ripped off or
something like that it's like this is really a beautiful movie i love the fire i love the
flamethrower guitar man just fucking ripping it the whole time. I love that. I love that
part of their procession is
he's playing the war drums. They got
the music going and then I like the
various factions with the bullet farm and
everything. Very cool.
I look forward to the next one.
I hope that they don't do something stupid
and put Charlize Theron in there again
because her chapter is
done. Mad Max should now move on to another thing
with another group of interesting characters
who are equally as fascinating as Furiosa was.
I hope that's the path that they take.
Yeah, because that's kind of what he is.
And let me just throw this out there.
The coolest thing they could possibly do
would be to sneak Mel Gibson in there
without anybody knowing anything.
I was just going to say, what I honestly would love this it probably won't happen
but if miller made the next one and just had it be like 20 years after fury road just have gibson
play him again i'd be just yes that'd be amazing yes or at the very least a cameo like at least
have him yelling at a jew in the background for a couple seconds. He could be
the Jew master or something.
Really go over the top like he's whipping them
and stuff. No, I don't want anything like
I've forgiven Mel.
Is he working again?
Yeah, he's got a movie coming out.
He's directed a film called Hacksaw Ridge this year.
He's in a movie called Bloodfather.
The thing is, my wife's Jewish.
I have no... Look, this guy was an alcoholic he's saying you relate to it and you're
like my life's jewish i know where he was coming from is that where you're headed no i'm saying my
my wife is jewish and it's one of those things where if anyone were to be upset seeing hatred towards Jews, it would be me.
And one of those things where the guy fell off the wagon.
He had a terrible night.
He said some shit.
And it wasn't just the Jews.
It wasn't just Jewish people.
He said things about black people.
He said things about women in particular.
He was just angry and drunk and spewing hatred.
The other thing is
this was a decade ago.
It's done.
It's been talked about until
it's been buried and I'm surprised
Gibson isn't buried. It's just one of those
things where it's like, you know,
people make mistakes.
If I were to sit there and
judge him, you know, for
some really terrible, horrible shit he said
acting like i've never said something that could possibly offend somebody then i'd probably
i'd feel hypocritical so the thing about it is you know he what he never said any of those things
publicly you know i mean like yeah they were never meant to be public remember when that that that
old white basketball team owner said
all that shit that he shouldn't have said
in his house
private conversation.
Or Hulk Hogan.
Well, Hulk Hogan got his fucking...
Let's talk about that a bit. Hulk Hogan
dropped the fuck... Hulkmania
has been running wild all
week all over Gawker and it
serves them right for their nasty
tabloid journalism. Their sex for their nasty tabloid journalism
their sexist nasty tab tabloid journalism i love when they show the disparity that came up when
jennifer uh lawrence's nudes were leaked the gawkers gawkers point of view was oh no shocker
jennifer lawrence's nudes are out there and some websites won't take them down but then when it's
hulk hogan they're like here's hulk hogan's tape
we won't take it down you know and so it serves them a right 150 million dollars plus 25 million
in punitive damages that can be reduced but they don't that guy's got three million dollars in
assets outside of gawker so he's gonna have one hell of a time funding the uh the legal process
that going forward in the appeals process did you see did you see the question that was asked that that creepy guy like the gawker guy
like i saw the video okay the guy the guy the lawyer was like um do you is there any celebrity
sex tape that you think is not newsworthy and he goes if it's a child and the lawyer's like under what age and he straight
up says four and i just went i got goosebumps over my entire body chills went down my spine
i was like i am looking at a fucking psychopath that like i was just like pay who said this
yeah all right no guy who who runs gawker or whatever. So they're, what's the thing called when,
he's like in front of the grand jury or whatever.
They're taking his testimony, they're recording him,
they're video recording him getting his statement or whatever about this.
Deposition.
Deposition, thank you.
And they ask him that question, and he jokingly kind of says,
you know, if it was under four years old,
that'd be inappropriate for a celebrity sex tape.
And when they got to trial,
they brought that back up,
and they grilled him over it.
They said, could you read back what you said?
And he's like, well, I was making a joke.
You were making a joke about a four-year-old child's sex tape.
Yes, and you thought that was funny.
Well, I was being sarcastic.
And then they go into the,
they talk about the deposition process
they're like you know you had opportunities to change this testimony you were asked you know to
go back and review and see if you were happy with everything um that video camera that was recording
you was it hidden he's like no no so you know you knew that you were on videotape saying that you
know they really grilled him over that and that was probably part of the decision that they were
they were looking at this guy and being like, this guy is a piece of shit.
He's kind of a creepy motherfucker, yeah.
But it was a sarcastic remark, right?
It was a sarcastic remark.
It was an inappropriate time to make one.
Yeah, not a good time.
It was an inappropriate time to make a sarcastic remark when you're being deposed during a – when Hulk Hogan's suing you.
I'd say the worst time, yeah.
I'm a Hulk Hogan fan.
I watched wrestling as a kid when i was four
or five um with with my grandpa i liked hulk hogan i like his whole shtick i like the things that he
does um he was he was sleeping with that that his his his buddy's wife his buddy wanted him to sleep
with his wife it was that kind of an arrangement. And he was secretly recorded, and then that was
uploaded. And then because of that,
there's only
nine seconds of actual sex, but there's
one part where he goes on this rant
about how his daughter Brooke is dating a black
guy, and he doesn't like that.
And he says the N-word.
And that got him fired
from WWE. So
his lawsuit, it's all come full circle now
and I'm glad to see him kind of get what he deserves
as far as I'm concerned.
Fuck Hawker.
I'm kind of like separated from all of the story of it.
All I know is just certain things I've heard
and all I know is I've heard quite a bit of people
just come out saying,
look, I know this guy.
He's not racist.
It's a terrible moment in his life
that was filmed and recorded
and that's the danger of celebrity.
I mean, you go everywhere and you're photographed.
I mean, if you got caught picking your nose,
like it's national news.
Emma Stone caught picking nose at Starbucks.
You know what I mean?
So it's one of those things where you sympathize.
You're like, you don't condone what they're like.
You probably shouldn't have said that with that tone.
But you also sympathize with the fact that being recorded almost constantly has got to be rather difficult
yeah i i don't like that when um when anyone gets in trouble for something they said in their in
in a private conversation it seems like you should be able to think or say anything you want in a
private conversation even if it's literally hate speech if if you and i are just sitting here
talking obviously right now we're being recorded
and this is going out to hundreds of thousands of people eventually,
but if you and I were privately having a conversation,
I should be able to say anything I want,
no matter how hateful it is,
and that shouldn't have any repercussion on my job
outside of our private conversation.
And that's why when that stuff happened to Donald Sterling
and when this happened to Hulk Hogan, I'm just like well this is bullshit that you know it
i i didn't like it at all and i'm glad to see uh the the hulkster get paid off because he's had a
rough time with his wife and he's had a rocky few years the only news i've heard about him is how he
keeps falling deeper into this rock bottom pit and then finally to see like all right well something went his way
even if he doesn't end up i read some comment uh that said he was on reddit so it probably
doesn't mean jack shit but it was like oh well here's a kind of layman explanation of why he's
not going to get any of this money um maybe that's true but i hope he at least drains gawker of quite
a bit and really makes it difficult for that to be a site. Can you sum it up? Why he wouldn't get that money?
I couldn't even begin to.
It was something about how
Gawker could
reattribute their resources to some other
company that they're owned by.
I don't know.
If this is a real blow
to Gawker, that'd be great. That website sucks ass.
I saw Hulk tweeted out that photo of like him in the 80s or 90s like doing the flying elbow drop
on a picture on the gawker emblem or whatever he's like oh you know coming from the top rope
blonde hair flying that that hot dog skin of his glowing in the lights
have you seen all those images of him photoshopped into different
places? There's so many
and it's just so awful of
images of him photoshopped, like, kicking
down the World Trade Centers and, like,
flying through the Pentagon, like, just
everything that's ever exploded.
And there's a picture of online. He's
kicking somewhere.
Wrestling used to be legitimate entertainment.
I feel like some of those characters that were created
back in the day, like the Macho Man
Randy Savage.
Oh, yeah!
He's slapping to that Slim Jim.
He's got them glasses on.
Can I tell you
the best thing I've ever seen of Randy Savage?
Someone did a compilation
video of every time
that guy takes a breath.
And it's
like...
I'm at the boiling point!
And then it just shows him going like...
And it's like all these cuts of him
taking breaths, his veins are popping out.
It's amazing.
He was such a show.
I'm not sure what the title is but it's a great video
the macho man randy savage that guy was fucking hilarious he was a great entertainer i liked
watching him uh the rock was really good that's why the rock transcended uh wrestling and became
such a great movie star is because he would get in the center stage and pick up that microphone
and he would entertain the crowd he would talk great smack against the guys he's gonna beat up
he would he would tell jokes i've seen would talk great smack against the guys he's going to beat up.
He would tell jokes.
I've seen him get out there with a guitar and sing songs.
He's just very talented, and you could really get behind him. He had catchphrases and the people's elbow,
and can you smell what the rock is cooking?
It was great.
Steve Austin is good, too.
Steve Austin is good.
He went for a different demographic, though.
He's that beer-zzling redneck big
big old good old boy kind of kind of audience and they love that shit um i saw steve austin
uh a few months back he was down he was in my town they were filming some kind of reality show
um i don't know what they were doing but we saw him at a restaurant he's a big deal
i'm curious about because you watched wrestling as a kid
when did you always know it was fake or did you kind of pick that up later i think as a four-year-old
i thought it was real because like because you're four yeah yeah and they would four or five and
they would have these like if you want i don't even know what the programming is like anymore
and as a five-year-old i don't know what i was watching but they would have like these long
segments where they would interview the wrestlers and like there would be no fighting there would
just be them talking for long periods of time and oftentimes they'd be wearing masks or makeup you
know it'd be like sting or some luchador motherfucker and like as a kid you're like
all right it's like a power ranger or something all right okay all right fuck yeah he's fucking
a luchador what a badass you know okay that guy wears face paint that's what he's about when i was a kid they did not go with
it like all those things you see of like the wrestlers hitting the reporters and stuff that
was my childhood like it it broke that it was fake and the way that it broke if i remember right i
was young was um they had to go on tv as either sports or entertainment and they weren't allowed
to go on as sports anymore and that was when they had to finally just like as either sports or entertainment, and they weren't allowed to go on as sports anymore.
And that was when they had to finally just give up the truth
and say, yeah, all right, it's entertainment.
Yeah, but who was really believing that it was true?
Those who were still really believing really needed to take a good look at themselves.
That's beyond Santa.
Because they do that move where you put your hand on the other guy's head,
and then you just do this.
And just...
We've all seen the UFC.
We know what happens when big men actually
meet in a ring and start throwing down.
Blood is flying rather quickly.
Blood flies in wrestling too.
You're unconscious, broken bones.
You're fucked.
But these guys are doing it every night of the week.
We'll be in Charlotte, North Carolina throwing down tonight.
We'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on Tuesday.
Three shows on Wednesday.
What did you break your leg, Holtzer?
I'll be all right.
I think the most damaging thing they do to themselves is just trying to pull off all the crazy stunts
and then their off-camera life of the working out know all that stuff is really what kills them i
think yeah it's a really wrestlers died young from like if you check a list it's like some of
them are like 31 years old and their cause of death is a heart attack because some of these
guys in the 80s were just doing so much cocaine and just screaming immature adults and weird
children every night like oh i'm gonna take you down.
Their veins are
popping. They're starting to collapse because they can't
inject any more drugs.
Ric Flair had a heart attack in the ring.
Ric Flair was one of my
favorites too. He's not even an
intimidating looking guy with that
blonde hair and everything. He's like
Cadillac driving private plane
flying son of a
gun and he had his like backup man dusty roads it was it was all very the videos of like the
wrestling fails like when they introduce like a wrestler and it's a complete failure or they
like something goes wrong when the hulk the hulkster whatever i never watched it but i
watched the clip where he forgot his lines once when he was yelling at the guy who owns it.
What's that guy's name again?
Vince McMahon.
He was yelling at Vince McMahon,
and he just lost himself on one line,
just yelling over and over like,
if you actually believe that I would leave this company,
then if you believe that I would leave after all of this,
believe that I would leave after all of this,
McMahon,
that you don't even know
what I would do
to stay? And it's like,
he just completely forgot all his lines
and he's screaming about it. Oh, it's so
funny. It'd be funny if Vince was like,
what the fuck are you talking about?
You're over, Hogan! And he's just
screaming like him.
I love, I think Vinceahon is a genius that guy
is hilarious um you know that you know here's all of those people right all those people that
that he produces like the rock and john cena like he's still getting big chunks of them right
there's a reason why the rock doesn't call himself the Rock anymore he has to be The Rock, he can't be Rock
or something like that, there's some
he has to do one or the other, but I know Vince McMahon
still takes a big chunk of John Cena's movies
and all that stuff
anybody that comes through his program
yeah, a lot of those movies
are produced by like the WWE
production company now, like
The Marine 7 starring John Cena
so yeah, they get a chunk of that if you see me move off camera WWE production company now. Like the Marine 7 story, John Cena.
They get a chunk of that. If you see me move off camera, I swear I'm not doing drugs.
Actually, my nose is starting to run.
I have a little bit of an allergy problem
today. Where are you based at?
Where do you live? I live in Ohio
near Akron area. There's a super high
pollen count today, so I took an allergy pill right
before we started filming, but it's starting to wear off.
Do you guys want to watch this thing?
It's that time of year. I used to have
crippling allergies. I think I kind of
grew out of it, but I've still got to take some Claritin
or my eyes.
Do you guys want to watch this Hulk Hogan video real quick?
I'm down to watch it, yeah.
We click it, and then we queue up at zero,
and then we'll just 3, 2, 1,
and you start it.
Taylor, count it off three two one go
and you know mcmahon the fact that i had something to do with building this company just makes you sick. The fact that I am the one that put this company on the map and
helped you make it what it is today, that makes you sick to your stomach, brother.
Yeah.
And all those Learjets that you have,
all those billions of dollars, the houses that your kids live in
20 million dollars vacation home
This crowd loves this shit
This crowd loves this shit.
Let me tell you something.
I think you're starting to believe in your own bullshit, Hogan.
I could have had anybody play the part of Hulk Hogan. I could have had anybody bring Hulkamania.
Hold on one second, McMahon.
You actually think anybody could have ran with Hulkamania. Hold on one second, McMahon. You actually think anybody could have ran with Hulkamania?
Look at all the guys you gave the ball to.
Look at all the guys that had the belt.
Look at all the guys that ran to the goal line.
Nobody ran as hard and as long as I did, McMahon.
If you actually think, if you actually think I was just the right guy at the right place
at the right time, let me say this one more time so you completely understand, McMahon.
If you actually believe in your mind, if you actually think that I was just the right guy at the right place at the right time, well,
then you're a bigger delusional bastard than I thought you were, McMahon.
And you know something?
I had a match with you a couple of, I had a,
you know what I say right now, McMahon? Right now we just settled this because I had a match with you a couple of, I had a, you know what I say right now,
McMahon?
Right now, we just settled this because I had a match with a rock a couple of
weeks ago, and you were the one that I wanted to get in the ring.
You were the one that I was supposed to have a match with a couple of weeks ago,
and you put the rock in your place, brother.
You say you're a man
Well, then I say prove it Vince
Get in this ring with this is life
I'd be funny if he went you just fucked up all your lines
Like no shit get out of here
I don't get why he never hands the ball off.
Like, there's a point there where McMahon is like,
all right, you just let me talk for a minute.
But he steps in and is like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
like trying to give him a second to compose himself.
And Hogan's like, no!
You listen to...
You can't actually think that high!
And he just keeps running with it.
Deeper and deeper.
Oh, I love that. That's embarrassing keeps running with it. Deeper and deeper. I love that.
That's embarrassing. That poor guy.
Maybe he'll be worth
140 million extra dollars
soon. He won't have to do that
anymore because he's clearly
a little past his prime there.
I remember seeing him body slam Andre
the Giant, though. That was
awesome. The guy weighed like 550 pounds or something.
He picked him up.
Have you ever seen those pictures online of that dude holding a beer can?
Like a normal-sized beer can?
He put an egg through his fucking wedding ring.
What?
It's a crazy picture.
It's like he's holding it like this.
Like a teacup.
He could drink incredible amounts of alcohol.
Shit, he be 600 pounds.
Yeah, I love him in The Princess Bride.
That's great.
He could act more.
He apparently
drank like 145 beers
in one night, or 150 beers in a night
at some hotel, like passed out
and the hotel staff couldn't move him
because he weighs as much as a baby elephant
so they just put a carrier rug over him.
You think he could beat Wade Boggs' record?
What's Wade Boggs' record?
I know it's baseball.
Is that a real beer can?
Wade Boggs drank like 170 beers on a flight.
Cross country and then went three for four.
Okay.
Gotcha.
That's a true thing.
That's a true story.
He actually did.
Yeah, well, he wouldn't have been...
There's no way he could even fit on a plane barely um he could have drank that many beers
easily he would have crushed the wade boggs challenge i uh i like andre the giants it's
that i always liked him in the wrestling because he was kind of a gentle giant like he had a hard
time being mean to people he was like well you're a big dummy it was like all right
then andre and they had this whole thing they had this bit where like i don't know it was like like
andre i think it was andre he was beefing with some other wrestler and they like disrespected
the others like father's funeral and drug the casket behind a car down the road it was it was
all ridiculous yeah yeah yeah yeah uh wrestling's always been pretty interesting
they they put on a a show i don't watch that shit to be honest imagine being so mad at someone that
you dragged their father's corpse to in their casket down the road like some sort of ancient
war chieftain who just conquered another tribe you'd have to be pretty angry at him. Over-wrestling. Could you show everybody this thing?
Just send us, because it's staggering.
The tail of the tape?
Yes.
7'4", 524 pounds, a 71-inch chest, 21-inch biceps.
Although, Hulk Hogan's biceps, 24 inches.
He's always talking about the 24 inch pythons hulk hogan looks like a small guy in that picture and he's huge
yeah he's a big boy six foot eight i didn't know six wow i didn't know hulk hogan was that big well
that's not true yeah i don't think this is true is this true no andre the giant was like seven foot
two or seven foot four or something. Or 7' flat, maybe?
No, he was taller than that.
Because I think he was taller than Wilt Chamberlain, and Wilt Chamberlain was like 7'1.
Okay.
He had nine-inch wrists.
Nine-inch wrists.
Hulk Hogan's 6'7".
Wow.
But is he?
If you actually believe that I'm 6'7".
If you actually believe that I'm 6'7". If you actually think that... And you believe one thing.
So you really understand.
Let me just start over.
That's what he's really saying.
Let's get a reset.
Yeah, he's 7'4 for real.
Yeah, that's a forced perspective, though, that photo.
Because he's standing in front of everyone.
That's a literal...
Where is he? In the Philippines?
I know what it looks like when Kerry Ewells jumps on his back.
That's enough for me to know he's a giant.
That guy's enormous.
There's a Reddit, and it's just called Yao Ming standing next to things.
And some of the things he stands next to are also really tall people
where you're like, wow, that puts a real perspective on him. Because when he stands next to things and some of the things he stands next to are also really tall people where you're like wow that puts a real perspective on you know because he's like he stands next to Shaq
Shaq looks like a decently tall guy like you wouldn't look at him that was out of control
because he just reminded me when I was a kid I used to watch the the NBA I watched the Chicago
Bulls and stuff when Jordan was playing and uh I always thought, I was like, all those guys look pretty normal, you know?
And then all of a sudden I saw Muggsy Bogues come in there.
And Muggsy Bogues is one of the shortest basketball players of all time.
And I was like, who is that guy?
Like, what is he doing?
And then I remember I saw a video of, like, NBA players with other people.
And, you know, as a kid I was like, oh.
So they're all really
tall that's why they all look normal
I met Shaq and
oh wow yeah so first like I heard he was in
the hotel right and
he was at some like MLG gaming thing
at the same time I'll be was there for the gaming
and I hear Shaq
is around and people are like dude Shaq's here Shaq's
here and then I see this guy
and he's gigantic and he looks like Shaq but like I was like all right I guess he just looks a little different
on tv and he's like the guy could easily just walk up and put his chin on top of my head
and everything about him was ginormous like his wrists were big his biceps were big he's strong
he weighs like 100 pounds more than me huge man and then I realized that's not Shaq that's like 100 pounds more than me. Huge man. And then I realized that's not Shaq.
That's like his brother or his cousin or something.
Shaq comes out, and he could do that to this guy.
Like Shaq was even bigger than the guy that I thought was Shaq.
And it was just like I didn't know humans came in that size.
Shaq was enormous.
Who's the 80s action
steven seagal i saw i met i saw steven seagal at shot show and he was standing there signing
an autograph for someone so i didn't speak to him or anything but i stood next to him to kind of
where i size up on the steven seagal scale he's a big boy yeah i'm gonna guess he's about six four maybe six five but i i doubt it he's at least six four like a legit six four
and two at that time 280 pounds i don't know yeah okay he was chubby and very bald and he had a uh
like a bandana do-rag situation going on.
And he had a lot of either tanner or spray tan or something on.
Because he just didn't look human.
He had those Donald Trump eyes with a real pale, like near the eyeball.
But everything else is kind of orange.
And he was still doing that fucking voice that he puts on for the movies.
I heard him.
He was like, yeah, what do you want me to say?
You know, like, while's like writing the autograph and he's like what are you doing trying to intimidate this person you're signing the autograph or he seemed like kind of a douche
that's the thing about steven seagal i can't tell if he's if he knows he's a goof or not
right so if you're a ufc fan in particular he doesn't know yeah he tell him the ufc stuff and
if you want i think there's videos of him being silly
and doing that faux flipping people around and stuff.
He's met with Anderson Silva.
If people don't know him, some people consider him,
I don't like his stereotyped legacy, but they consider him the greatest of all time.
He certainly has the most title defenses and crazy stuff like that.
And Steven Seagal goes out there and says he taught him how to fight.
He's like, oh yeah, that forward front kick he knocked out vitor belfort with i taught him that just recently and
like it he's seemingly serious about it i can't tell for sure it's so obvious to me he's a goof
but he never lets up control it could be right baby don't you think it's possible because how could someone be that delus? Maybe. Don't you think? It's possible?
Because how could someone be that delusional?
Because that doesn't look like someone who's taking themselves seriously.
Oh, let me look.
What do we have here?
Yeah, that looks like someone who's on the wrong side of fame.
Do you want to watch this together?
Sure.
Four minutes.
Let's give it a go.
Let's see what it's like.
Well, Kyle's not present, but we can give it a go.
All right.
Ready, set, play. Ariel Helwani post-fight at UFC 126 alongside Steven Seagal
after Anderson Silva's brilliant win over Vitor Belfort tonight.
And, Mr. Seagal, thank you very much for the time, first and foremost.
Anderson, after the fight, said that he learned that front kick to the face from you.
Right.
Where'd you teach that? Where'd you learn that?
Where did I learn it? Well, I learned it, you know, sort of a variation of that in Japan probably 30, 40 years ago,
and I've been perfecting it all these years.
It's not exactly karate. It's just something that I created that's a little bit different that I thought Anderson couldn't learn well because he's sort of a natural born athlete. He has very quick hands and feet and his kicks are good to begin with.
So I started teaching him kicks that I thought he could really hurt people with and in practice
he was knocking people out with body shots.
At that point I knew he was going to start to really make these kicks you know work. Have you ever seen someone in a combat sports match knock someone out with
that kick? You know the best part of this is that this guy doesn't even do his own
stunts in his action movies anymore. He's apparently able to do all this amazing
stuff. And he's talking like he's got a shot collar on that's gonna get him if he gets just a little bit too loud.
Well, let me just talk to you this volume.
This is how people talk, you know?
Yeah, he looks like a real goober there.
I can't believe he's serious.
Could he be trolling us?
I don't think so. I. Could he be trolling us?
I don't think so.
I think that that's someone who let...
I don't know.
It's like if Chris Pratt suddenly decided that he was the Guardian of the Galaxy and was going to sign up for NASA.
He really thinks...
I think that's why he became a cop, right?
Because he thinks that he's the cat's pajamas
and that he is a real hard-ass.
Maybe he is a real hard-ass. He is like a real hard ass he's a big
guy but he's also old and a bad actor and even even like his best movie which i guess you could
maybe say is under siege is really just a pale ripoff die hard on a boat and not even really
that good yeah it's nothing about his career has been good. Like, this is all he is.
So maybe he realizes the only thing I am
is kind of something for people to poke and prod at
and joke at my expense,
so I'll just embrace this whole faux ninja kind of mystique
that I've made for myself and see where it goes.
That could be it, but that's way more brilliant than I think he is.
Martial arts, since the UFC started or MMA started,
has gone through a ton of evolution and revolution in the last 20 years.
If you go back to, you guys are probably too young,
but when I was a kid, people thought the baddest motherfuckers on earth
were those gymnasts from the 1970s kung fu movies.
They thought that was the toughest people to learn. thought that was the the toughest people it turns out that
the toughest peepers that people at the time were like wrestlers from the midwest or something like
that style was the one that that seemed to win all the time and the bullshit martial arts and
the real martial arts got divided like you could see what was what boxing turns out that's real
that's a thing that works brazilian jiu-itsu, Muay Thai, wrestling, all those things were like real things.
Karate was sort of in the middle.
What about ninjutsu?
Ninjutsu tends – no one does ninjutsu in MMA fighting.
And then when they lose everything, like the ninjas and such, they're like, oh, no, no, no.
The moves that I could do were so deadly that my death touch would be illegal in that sport.
Kung fu is another one that was totally bullshit.
And the reason I brought this up, Aikido, which is what Steven Seagal does, bullshit.
It's this idea that I can somehow grab your wrist and, like, make you flip over and fall on your back and stuff.
So it's just like a movie
it's what he did in those movies so he's a seventh degree black belt in aikido but i'm telling you
like if he grabbed your wrist and you decided not to then like it's total horseshit like you'd just
be like no like yeah here's how i'll make taylor do a front flip and roll into the ground and
flail out and i feel like he's thrown
so many stuntmen into
breakaway walls that he thinks
that he can actually do that shit.
Yeah, I think he's built himself
up that way. I think that happens
to a lot of actors. And I think
the opposite is very true too.
It's a shame that a lot
of these rappers and actors
who have sort of a tough persona, they have to travel around with security because it's not like Steven Seagal has a fight picked with him once in a blue moon.
It's like every time he goes to a crowded bar or nightclub, some drunk is going to be like, that's Steven Seagal?
Or Jean-Claude Van Damme.
That's who I meant to say because it actually
happened to him that's jean-claude van damme i could kick jean-claude van damme's ass i'm gonna
kick jean-claude van damme's ass and then i'm gonna be the guy who kicked jean-claude van damme's ass
and the guy kicked jean-claude van damme's ass and that's what happened jean-claude van damme
should have had a big fucking 6'8 dude
next to him like Shaq does.
I guarantee that guy Shaq has.
He's the guy who's going to rough somebody
up if they decide they want to throw down Shaq.
If I have the Jean-Claude Van Damme story right,
it's his bodyguard that beat him up.
He had a 6'8 badass with him
and that guy kicked Jean-Claude Van Damme's ass.
Well, that's bad.
I'm not sure if that's
true or not but if it is hilarious hilarious you look up and tell me if i have the story right
um a seventh degree black belt in aikido so is a key is this just you saying that it's
bullshit or is it kind of an understood thing in the mma community that this is nonsense i would
say it's widely understood there's a widely understood. So it's kind of like
being an 8th prestige in Call of Duty.
No, you actually earned that.
Nothing's done. I'm sure you
actually earned this Akito shit.
I'm sure you actually
earned it, but it doesn't help you.
There's some guy out there who thinks it works.
Have you ever seen the video on YouTube of this guy?
He thought that his mind
jitsu or something could
actually find fend someone off and he i'm sure kyle's seen it the guy like i can challenge
someone this kind of amateur karate douche goes in his gi and just starts beating the
shit out of this master who's trying to like this is his move is like the issue was him back
he he was like this he he would put all these demonstrations where he would have a dozen students attack him like he's Bruce Lee.
And very quickly with short, quick movements.
And he would grab the wrist and flip him kind of like we were discussing earlier.
And they would just be flying like paper mache all around him.
And then there's this challenge, this actual throwdown between him and a fighter.
And the fighter does what fighters do.
He punches the guy in the mouth immediately.
And he's shot.
And the ninjutsu master Shaolin monk air tactic guy goes, fuck, I bleed?
I didn't know I had blood in me.
Nobody's ever dared fucking hit me before because i flipped
so many people through the air all day you see like his his little uh preview technique where
it wasn't even the whole like grab and flip which he does but he had like 12 of his guys
like running at him at the same time and he did like a and like just from a distance just like
waved them and it was like
they were a wave at a baseball game and they all it was like he got lazy it was like for a while
he would be he would be into it in high effort he there would be like a and like knock a guy out and
then the next guy he just kind of grabs his wrist and twist it and the guy goes flipping through the
air and the next guy he just kind of slaps him in the neck and he falls over unconscious but then
the guy after that he just kind of points at him goes, and the guy just literally does a cartwheel and falls on his neck.
And he goes, whoa, what now?
And then like Taylor said, he goes,
and a whole wave of people just scatter like bowling pins.
In fairness, this fake martial arts guy, does he not have the better skill?
Yes, he's a manipulative.
He's just a cult leader.
He's a cult leader that's
where i was headed on this like like that that guy the the martial artist that beat him up right
he's probably in the top five percent of tough guys i mean he didn't even look like a pro athlete
or anything let's just admit that he's a regular tough guy i'm 100 sure you could beat up that
master 100 oh yeah yeah But what good is that?
That master has managed to carve out a career for himself
just doing this with his hand.
That's amazing.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
Can he use these skills other place?
Like, does he talk people into accepting expired coupons
at the grocery store?
It's like multi-level marketing.
Yeah, I guess that is redeemable. All right, two for one, two for one. coupons at the grocery store like little shell and monks are like oh fucking
master did it again one motherfuckers
we're eating dominoes tonight he goes to
a restaurant like super salad he's like
both and all of a sudden he has extra food like that guy's got got the gift eating dominoes tonight? Yeah, he goes to a restaurant. They're like super salad. He's like, both.
And all of a sudden, he has extra food.
Like, that guy's got the gift.
It'd be fantastic.
Fair enough.
He's like the WWE of martial artists.
He's got a lot of people convinced that it's real,
but the majority of people who are outside are like,
yeah, that's fake.
Did he get his lines wrong, too?
He's like, if you actually believe that I do not know how to control you.
I don't know.
I can picture him doing the Hulk Hogan thing.
I like that in combat sports, you can actually say who is better.
Like 100%.
Sometimes the Braves are going to beat the Yankees,
and some days the Yankees are going to beat the Braves.
That's why they play seven games to decide this thing.
But when a fight happens, you
know at the end of the fight who
won and who lost. I love that about it.
I'm sure there are some fights where
someone's like, man, that guy was getting his ass
beat the whole time, then he lands one lucky
jab and just hits the right button.
That happens, but you see it.
And you know that. You get
that eventuality. Just because it didn't go the way you thought it and you and you and you know that you you get that eventuality just because
it didn't go the way you thought it would that's not a negative that's that's another one of the
positives of combat sports that you can have an underdog you can have a guy get his ass beat
all night long eating that jab eating that jab eating that jab until his face is blood and guts
but then he gets his takedown and he's's a jits master, and this other clown doesn't know what he's doing on his back,
and it's all over, because he's wrapped up in
45 seconds. Yeah, some fighters
explode when they have the
adrenaline rush, you know, they get hit, they get
hit, they get pounded, and then they,
it's like the Rocky, the Rocky thing, you know,
you just take it, you take it, you take it, you take
it, and I don't know much about
fighting, but I watch a little bit, but
I'm not a huge sports guy, so I'm a little...
That's why I'm not talking too much during this convo.
What sports are you into?
Let's talk about sports movies.
I can be like, yay, Rocky is great.
I loved Creed. Creed blew me.
I was so surprised by Creed.
I was walking in skeptical.
But I think it might be my favorite Rocky film film which is really kind of nuts for me to
say but i i loved it i haven't seen it yet but now now i will based on that recommendation because i
i think i i haven't been looking forward to it because it's just there's so many of them right
like at this point it's kind of getting tired i'm like i want to seeboa make... I'd like to see Balboa do something completely different.
He's always fighting.
He's always training fighters.
What if Balboa had...
What if fighting wasn't good enough?
What if he couldn't solve the problem with his hands?
What if he had to pick up a gun?
What if he had to escalate things?
Balboa goes to law school?
No, no.
Balboa's not going to law school.
No, man.
So, what I...
He didn't teach him nothing but no briefs.
No, he picks up a gun and has to go on a shooting rampage.
I'd rather see that.
It seems like your things, like your problems with entertainment,
are all solved by just giving the character a gun.
Like, I don't like Daredevil.
Let's just give him a gun.
I don't like Rocky.
Let's just give him a gun.
Well, problems in life are solved if you just have a gun.
I see.
I see.
No, for me, it's just sort of, if you just have a gun. I see. I see.
No, for me, it's just – I'm just messing with you.
But no, I like what – in the chat.
Yeah, it's kind of like Rambo.
That's what Rambo is.
So Stallone is – that's like Rocky grew some hair, went through a war in Vietnam, and now he's got a gun.
You pointed out something pretty telling there about all movies entertainment though and that's the i think two pieces of technology completely change almost every story narrative movie what whatever you want to call it and that's the cell phone and the gun because
those are the great equalizers that mankind have come up with i think the cell phone means i can
get back up i from anywhere and everywhere, I can get
backup. You don't just have to mess
with me anymore. You might have to mess with
all of us now.
So many movie
plots are based on
missed connections or miscommunication.
And the cell phone changes...
Romeo and Juliet? It's over in three minutes.
All of Seinfeld?
Right?
They're on Tinder. It's over in three minutes all of seinfeld they're on tinder like it's over you know yeah yeah if suddenly everyone can send text messages or phone calls to each other and they all
have these devices in there uh that girl dies and taken with no cell phone yeah uh it's interesting
so now of course plat and plots have adapted but yeah if you put a cell phone and everyone can
communicate and everyone can google and all that stuff it changes a ton of movies and then the gun i feel like equalizes
virtually every situation like like how many movies uh rely on the the the device that
the person the the enemy that we're dealing with we just can't physically overcome it think about
like kujo like we're just trapped in a car because of the big St. Bernard
outside, right? Cujo
comes, you just fucking shoot Cujo
and you get out of the car and then your little kid's
not dying of dehydration.
No, then you don't have to deal with a slobbering St.
Bernard hand to hand because that's absurd.
Sure. All of the slasher movies.
The movie would be boring as fuck.
Every movie character, a gun and
a cell phone, it'd be hard to manufacture
a problem they couldn't escape.
Like even the guys in Saw
where it's like,
oh, we're going to, you know,
chop your head off
if you don't do this intense.
Oh, well, I got a gun
and a cell phone.
The police are on the way.
You know, that's it.
Oh, you gave me 40 minutes.
I'll tell them to stop
and get an energy drink on the way.
I kind of like it
because it's sort of like
when I see movies like that,
it reminds me
the things I take for granted.
Because I grew up without the internet.
I grew up without a cell phone.
And these are all – I'm part of the last generation.
And I think some of you guys are pretty much close to my age too, right?
I'm about 28.
29.
Okay, yeah.
So we're like the last generation that grew up without the internet.
Like every – all the kids nowadays, they were born the internet like every all the kids nowadays they were born the
internet it's the thing and so i when i see movies like that where a character is stuck in a situation
like kujo uh it just reminds me like i i kind of take for granted the fact that i have this thing
right here that can just access anything like earlier for instance how tall is hulk hogan how
tall is hulk hogan oh he's six seven". And it's funny because I remember back in the
day when I would have to physically go to a
library or something to do research
for a school project.
About Hulk Hogan's height, yeah. Of course.
All I could
do was watch my
240p television
with the bunny
antennas and look at Hulk Hogan and
guess that he's probably... A lot of geometry work sitting there taking account of like the weird meniscus shape on the
exactly and i keep going back to the gun thing but i i i have a lot of guns uh it's it's kind
of like part of my lifestyle and stuff but so i'm willing to put that aside but when i watch a movie where
any slasher movie any any issue where there are bad guys coming to our house to hurt us
and and that's an issue for some reason and also any movie where like for whatever reason
they've decided that we can't kill the enemy we just have to like knock them unconscious
like in um um iron man 2 or was it no it's iron man 3 when for some reason he's building like a that we can't kill the enemy. We just have to knock them unconscious. Like in Iron Man 2.
Or was it? No, it's Iron Man 3.
When for some reason he's building
a taser zap gun instead of just
going and getting a Smith & Wesson.
He's fighting terrorists. Why is he
making a taser zap gun?
Why does he need to build his own?
He's building a zap gun to a gunfight.
It didn't make any sense.
Who brings a chainsaw to a gunfight?
Kyle's going to win all these movies
every one of them any movie where the bad guy doesn't have a gun i win all of them i like
is that the reason that you you've said before i think i'm getting this right that you're not
afraid of movies where it's like oh you know mr jenkins gone crazy he's out there with the
scythe he's gonna get us you're afraid afraid of movies. Bring it on, Mr. Jenkins!
Yeah, Mr. Jenkins. Bring it on!
I've been waiting on you! You've piled up
all your clothes as a makeshift barricade
in front of the door, just in case.
I spend my afternoon
shooting silhouettes of Mr. Jenkins.
I've been waiting for this day for years.
But you're afraid of demons,
and we were playing that
Age of Myth mythology the other day
and i'll let you feel that kyle because it impacted you more than it impacted me
and it creeps chiz out too this was dark so it was like it was late midnight one in the morning
something like that and we were on our second game of this age of empires game and taylor chiz and i
are playing together.
And we're using a public TeamSpeak server to communicate
because we were having a lot of Skype issues.
Skype's been buggy.
And I'm sorry if any of you have audio issues.
It's not us.
And we've been working on this for hours of time outside the show
to make it right.
But we keep having little issues with Skype.
And I think it's Skype.
So we weren't on Skype.
We were on TeamSpeak in this random public server and then suddenly we hear someone join and the noise that he's making is
this inhuman white noise screaming and it's overpoweringly loud it's so loud that I literally
throw my headset off.
But I can still hear it coming out of the headset.
So I've got to turn my little switch off so I don't hear it anymore.
And I have to alt-tab out of that screen and switch to a new TeamSpeak server.
And then he joins that one.
I just got offline. And Chiz and I both agreed that it was disturbing.
It sounded like a demon joined our TeamSpeak.
And I'm sure it was some little asshole out there
who was just being annoying,
but it scared the fuck out of me, and I went to bed.
You know, it was funny, because you guys both left right away.
I stayed in the team speak line,
because I'm like, this is going to end soon, whatever.
I didn't know they'd left.
And I guess after you guys had left,
it became very clear that it wasn't demon noises.
It was like the Wilhelm scream from movies like
that just like random sound clips of like what you talking about with us what you talking about
just like stuff that didn't make any sense just peppered in but uh yeah you didn't mention that
you didn't get off right away you guys both came back and before that we were all chatting like
talking shits we're playing free-for-all about how we were gonna conquer each other and i'll
fuck you and i'd send someone to chiz and he'd be oh fuck you Taylor having a good time
we come back and it's quiet for like
20 minutes and Chiz eventually is like
so that was pretty
creepy right and Kyle was just like yeah
yeah that really
ruined my mood and then he really didn't say
anything else he just logged off
that really freaks you out those demon things that's so interesting
because I'm reversed
and Chiz just typed this.
He said, Kyle is the man who said he thinks that there is a higher probability of angels and demons existing over aliens.
And here's my rationale behind that.
Aliens are something that, by definition, should have some kind of material proof behind them.
Like maybe we get a radio signal or we or or they they are we receive one from them or we spot one or you could
just use you just you just go along the basis that the universe is so big that
they would never get here anyway so it doesn't matter if there are or not that
they're just couldn't have been here so I'm willing to say the aliens are super
super duper unlikely to be visiting us i think that's highly unlikely because just because of the size of the universe
i love them for entertainment the black science man taught me this for entertainment purposes i
love aliens i love alien movies i love yeah i grew up watching the x-files um so i've always
been like you know i love entertainment around aliens, but I highly, highly doubt that like, you know, tall, skinny, green, like black eyed alien men are, you know, walking around.
But maybe like some bacteria or something somewhere.
I could see that happening.
But, you know, now here's that there's intelligent life somewhere.
Just not close as much as that.
It's got to be out there so that's what
i believe and and and so i so that's firmly why i think no aliens are coming here so anybody who's
seen a little green man is manipulate being manipulated or they're crazy or they're lying
the reason i think that angels are angels and demons are more likely is because by definition
an angel or a demon is some sort of they they live on a plane different from
us sort of a different they're a different dimension almost which we know exists yeah
well we don't know that dimension exists though the black science man told me that we do so i'm
going i'm going that he and so so i feel like definition, these angels or demons, which are some sort of multidimensional beings, by definition, are impossible to prove or disprove.
So maybe they do exist.
So because you're not supposed to be able to prove that they exist, therefore, they could exist.
Therefore, they could have guessed.
Therefore, there is, because you can't disprove them,
there is at least a minute possibility of their existence.
Where on the other hand, with aliens,
by definition, we should have evidence of them,
and there is hard data.
The universe is so big.
That's the point I'm trying to make, I'm sorry.
There's data there to consider based on the size of the universe that we just wouldn't encounter them so based on both of those points i
think it's more likely there's some sort of angels or demons in existence than there are little green
men uh like one of them was mainly just made up though like made up yeah but but i'm not i'm not
saying like um little cherubs with wings that come from Jesus Christ.
I'm talking about whatever someone actually saw one time and attributed to being an angel
or whatever awful, I don't know, energy being.
What about genies?
A genie?
Do genies exist?
No way.
No, because that's some fucking made up shit.
That's the exact same thing.
I'm having a hard time figuring out what's made up and what's not.
How about leprechauns?
Are they real?
No, I think Woody – going back, I think Woody made a very good point with the genie
because it wasn't making a mockery of his point with a leprechaun,
but the genie's a good point.
They believed in genies.
They thought that was a thing.
I think – who believed in genies?
I did.
I did.
I tested several labs.
There's something wrong with that now just in
case so there's i i feel like every group of people in existence have always believed in
spiritual beings right they've always believed that there are intangible beings that are floating
around some sort of energy that interact with us and and uh do you think that that's a consequence
of insufficient knowledge though because if you were
to go say 300 years ago you could be like well it's or i guess like i do think that yes we know
we've known for generations that our health is determined by our four humors and how those are
balanced with oh do we have enough yellow bile enough black bile enough blood and enough mucus
like the four humors of the body like oh you have too much blood throw a couple leeches like
it's just a lack
of information until eventually we can be like,
oh, yeah, there are no wizards and demons
and angels and...
I just want to be clear. I don't believe
that there are angels and demons. I just
believe that angels and demons
existing is more likely
than little green men existing.
Is it possible?
Little green men are aliens.
I know they are.
Or aliens.
Aliens. Alien beings like
coming to Earth and visiting.
That is much less likely
than there being interdimensional
demons who have been plaguing mankind
for years.
Scientology is more likely than aliens
actually visiting Earth.
I guess... No way. Fucking Scientology is more likely than aliens actually visiting Earth.
No.
No way.
By definition, Scientology is the most ridiculous thing ever because it does involve aliens visiting Earth.
See?
Came full circle there.
Yeah, we did.
I'm just going to make a point and debunk that real quick.
Yep, doesn't make sense.
As a child,
I often rubbed lamps, hoping that
Robin Williams would come out, but it never happened.
No.
If you rubbed Robin Williams,
he might have come.
I was always wanting the genie from
Aladdin to just pay me a visit and be my
friend, but he never came.
Oh, hey, Gary Shandling
just died.
Who is Gary Shandling just died ah yeah who's uh gary shandling the guy from larry sanders from larry
larry sanders he's a comedian from the 90s uh his last role was in captain america winter soldier
larry sanders plays for the milwaukeeucks all right what was his name again Gary
Shandling he was 66 oh you mentioned the X-Files earlier I wanted to ask you your opinion about the
the six episode miniseries reboot thing they did. Yeah, sure.
It was a mixed bag for me.
I loved one episode.
I loved the Wereman episode written by Darren Morgan.
The season premiere was all right.
Was the Wereman episode the one where the lizard man, basically?
Yeah.
I hated that one.
That was the worst one for me.
Yeah. Okay. Well, the worst one for me.
The worst one for me was absolutely Babylon, which was the one where Mulder went on
the mushroom drug trip.
It was just so
all over the
place.
I like the third one because Darren Morgan
has written some of the better ones.
For me, anyway. I like the comedy ones.
He wrote Humbug and some of the more comedy was the christmas one where they're muller and scully are
in the house with the with the ghosts or my humbug was the the sideshow circus one where they
where like the guy is crazy and he has like a a big hammer nail that he constantly hammers
into himself and all the sideshow people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crocodile people, yeah.
Yeah.
No, I mean, overall it was a mixed bag for me.
But to be honest, I'm a big X-Files fan.
Every single season is a bit of a mixed bag.
There's always a season that has great episodes and bad episodes.
Even the better seasons, like the first five to six, they all have a couple terrible episodes sprinkled around so
i was excited to see the cast back i loved seeing dacovny and anderson back i think they still work
really great with each other but overall the season the event or whatever season 10 whatever
you want to call it didn't really hook me i thought it was simply okay in the long run
i disagreed i i felt like i'm glad they snuck in some monster of the week episodes even though
they only had six to but but my problem was that that wereman episode I think since you only have
six episodes to do to to like sell the x-files reboot to me that one just didn't do it for me
I thought it was a really inventive concept the sort of like the reverse werewolf thing where
this guy's bitten by a human and now he's becoming one.
Like that's a comical concept,
but it just didn't hook me.
What I did love is that they're kind of
turning the whole massive conspiracy on its head
and saying, oh no, you had it all wrong.
It's actually this thing.
I really liked that a lot
because I've seen every episode of The X-Files twice,
but to be honest,
I'm still pretty foggy about that overall big conspiracy that involves the Navajo and the aliens.
And the reason why is because there was a divergence where there was a lot of proof to suggest that it's all aliens.
There are bounty hunter aliens, the syringes to the back of the neck, all that stuff.
And then there's all the stuff that supports the super soldiers
created by the government stuff.
And I never knew which was which, but I guess now we do, and I like that.
I like the mystery with Mulder and Scully's child out there.
I think he's the one piloting that ship at the very end.
I think he's coming to pick them up.
I think that's really cool.
And I had such a sigh of
relief and such a moment of gratification seeing molder put his hands on that alien spacecraft
yeah and they asked him if he'd ever seen one before and he said they said in all your years
you've never you've never seen one before he's like no never and me as an x-files fan i know
that he has seen one before but they fucking stole his memories and took them away from him,
and he doesn't remember that he saw one.
So for me, I'm like, yeah, Mulder, you...
Oh, no. Did I lose
everybody? Yeah, you did.
It was that...
Yeah, I think it's been going...
I don't think there's any interruptions, brother.
Only on my side, I think.
On my side, there was two, yeah.
I was just saying it was very gratifying
to see Mulder finally get to touch the spacecraft.
We talk about Lost here a lot as the worst show of all time
because it felt like with the writer's strike,
they never really knew what the fuck they were doing anymore
or where this story was heading.
It was like when the writers quit,
they didn't tell the new writers where all the storylines were going and so every episode became
a teaser for the next episode and you were always pumped up like oh shit next episode they're gonna
get the others and they're gonna fucking gun them down because that's what it's come to but that
would never happen you never get that episode but but that time and action doesn't happen didn't
happen but molder putting his hands on a spaceship,
I was like, it happened.
That happened. He did it.
He's fucking done it now. Now he can keep
climbing the ladder and tear down this conspiracy.
I thought there were
some ridiculous things. It seems like they're trying to set
up some kind of bullshit reboot with
those other two agents who are like Mulder,
Scully clones, but less attractive.
I surely hope not.
I won't watch a minute of that shit if they try to do that. They failed those other two agents who are like Mulder Scully clones, but less attractive. I surely hope not. I really hope not.
I won't watch a minute of that shit if they try to do that.
They failed when they had Doggett and Reyes doing it before in season 10,
season nine or whatever.
That was shit.
And I watched it because I was a fan and because they had cameos,
but I won't do it if they do it again.
I won't watch that.
Yeah.
For me,
even naming her Einstein was a terrible creative choice.
So fucking, oh, so fucking terrible creative choice. So fucking lame.
So fucking lame.
Really bad choice for a name. Chris Carter
for me is actually the weakest link
of the whole show at this point.
He made the movie I Want to Believe, which I thought
sucked.
What's his name back from Breaking Bad?
Vince Gilligan.
Vince Gilligan made some great X-Files episodes.
Vince Gilligan.
I would love if Rob Bowman came back and directed.
It's one of my favorite episodes.
He made the first movie.
He directed the first movie.
And now he does a lot of Castle.
But he didn't direct anything on the new season.
I would love if they brought him back.
Because he made some of my favorite episodes by far.
The Pusher episode.
He didn't direct Home he direct uh kim manners
directed home but he's since passed away but is home the one with the can of the bread yeah bread
oh man that that's the one that's rated m for mature and they only aired it like twice i watched
that shit in fifth grade fifth grade i go to school the next morning and me and my fifth grade
teacher talked about it i was like did you did you watch did you watch last night because i think it came on sunday nights
then so it's monday morning and she's she's like we turned it off at our house and i was like we
missed i was like we didn't i watched it till the fucking end when they when they're they're digging up bloody babies
they're smashing andy griffith's face with a baseball bat and his wife there's a a a quadra
vice a no arm no legged woman being slid under furniture and slid out when it's time to be
fucked by all of her mutant sons at the same time so they can make
some sort of triple spermazoid
mutant baby that
will be pure.
It is
dark.
It's great shit, man. It's great shit.
I would love a season of episodes
of that level.
Of course you would. You're from Georgia.
That's your kink. Yeah, absolutely. We get down with it down here
little motherfucking
hell, you do what you got to do.
And boys don't look like that. They too pretty.
I ain't gonna go into the dance picking no ladies up.
They looked hideous. That was the other thing.
They're so inbred and mutated.
They're inhuman.
Like hills have eyes people?
They are like hills have eyes people, yeah.
Watch that episode if you're out.
That was fucked up.
I've had to search it two or three times to like find that episode because that's the one I like to show people as their first X-Files episode.
Yeah.
Because it kind of like pushes them off the cliff and then it's like, okay, now let me show you what the show is actually about and the big overarching storyline with the mini ones in between and Monsters of the Week and all that shit.
But Home is a dark, dark episode.
Definitely.
Chris has been asking to leave. I think we need to let him go
gracefully.
That didn't seem graceful
at all. What the fuck? Oh, I'm quiet.
They can't hear me.
So for people listening, there's some sort of
Skype issue in which I'm silent and no one
else is. Can you guys hear me now?
Yes, sir.
I was saying Chris has been asking for us
to let us go, so let's let him go.
Well, I'm not asking
for you guys to stop. I just have
to be somewhere at 1030 and it's
1024. Yeah, we understand.
Oh, totally get it.
Thanks for coming on, though.
Tell everybody where they can find you. Do you have a website?
All that stuff. Plug your stuff. Thanks very on, though. Tell everybody where they can find you. Do you have a website? All that stuff.
Plug your stuff.
Thanks very much, guys.
It was fun talking to you guys about all kinds of random shit.
I truly was not prepared for all that, but it was entertaining.
Yeah, you did a great job.
Thanks for coming on.
Oh, thank you very much for having me.
I appreciate it.
My name, Chris Stuckman.
Two N's on YouTube.
Search me.
I do movie reviews.
I love movies.
And thanks for having me on, guys.
I appreciate it.
Awesome.
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, check him out. for having me on, guys. I appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you.
Yeah, check him out.
Have a good one, guys.
Okay, let's see here.
Where do we want to go from here, gentlemen?
I was just starting to think about creepy movies
and things like that, which I can understand why you got
so into that gory,
awful X-F files episode as a
distraction from your dad yelling at your mom he's just gonna build his own house in the back where
she can't come and you know where all the rules are his and you know it'll be my kingdom back
there god damn it i was in the fifth grade when that was i i really liked the x files that was
one of my favorite childhood shows that was one of the ones that I actually followed. I didn't follow
too many. I like the Twilight Zone
way more than X-Files, just because that's what I was
exposed to first. My mom was really into that.
That show's great, too.
Well, it's time to hear from
Headspace.com. Let's be
honest. Most of our problems start with our mind.
Fear, anger, stress, anxiety,
depression, sleeplessness.
They begin in your head,
but they can wreck your life. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can make
a major difference in just 10 minutes a day. The change comes through guided
meditation with the Headspace app. Headspace is meditation
made simple. It's guided meditations that you listen to whenever you want, wherever
you want, right on your phone, computer, or tablet.
Meditation is rooted in thousands of years of tradition with thousands of scientific studies that show its positive effects,
like improving focus and relationship harmony and decreasing anxiety and stress.
Join over 5 million users already getting some Headspace for free right now.
Download the free Headspace app and begin their Take 10 program for 10 days of guided meditation
at headspace.com
slash pka. The Headspace Take 10 program
is 100% free way to
experience the benefits of meditation in your
busy modern life. Train your mind
for a healthier, less stressed life
and start your free trial
today at headspace.com slash pka.
That's headspace.com
slash pka.
Check them out. Well done, Kyle. today at headspace.com slash pka that's headspace.com slash pka check him out well done kyle very nice yeah that's it i think that's a really neat idea for an app like yeah yeah i had an ex-girlfriend
who uh meditated a lot and uh and she seemed to think it brought her a lot of focus and calm
throughout the day i don't have any personal experience but um i really do believe in it i
know that Stern
is a big believer in transcendental meditation. He donates a lot of money to those yogas or
whatever the fuck they're called. There's even a con man getting his hooks in Stern. So there you
go. I imagine it. Oh, because he gets fine. Anyway, I imagine it being my launch pad for the day.
Like that's the thing that I just if I started my day with like 15 minutes of sort of meditation and calm and it was like, all right, here we go.
Whereas now, I don't know, I just sort of slide into my day without –
Yeah, I think that it's refreshing to do because it's like planned procrastination in a way, you know, where it's like, oh, well, right now I got to meditate.
So it's like you're getting something done. You're meditating. But it's also you're not doing anything way you know where it's like oh well right now i gotta meditate so it's like you're getting something done you're meditating but it's also you're not doing anything you know
so it's like you don't yeah that's what it's about it's about doing absolutely nothing yeah
you don't regret doing it you don't dread doing it like you may hate working out but nobody's ever
like fuck gotta sit here and do nothing for 10 minutes like i don't know it just seems like a
natural way to help yourself i've never tried it i'm gonna have to download it and see so we were talking earlier about how like celebrities and
stuff like that need to have security so that they don't have to throw down when it when it comes to
it so that if somebody comes up and wants to fuck with you just because you are whoever you are
you know somebody else can handle it because you know you a lot of these celebrities can
probably handle themselves but there's no reason to be getting in fistfights in this modern age
and especially not i saw this i love this oh he looks like such a bitch so here's what happened
to kat williams and let me practice this but i didn't know where we were going this is great
so i have done a lot of research on this, and here's what I've learned.
Apparently, Cat Williams was visiting that neighborhood, and they've been playing soccer for a couple of hours.
He'd been playing soccer with kids.
And so he's been running for a couple of hours playing soccer prior to this.
for a couple of hours playing soccer prior to this.
Now, during the entire soccer game, apparently,
this larger teenager person has been, like, messing with him.
He's been, like, talking trash and, like, bumping him when he doesn't need to and, like, playing a more physical game of soccer than anybody other than him wanted to play.
He's been kind of fucking with Cat already.
He's a 7th grader, I think, right?
Do you have a link?
Yes, this guy's a 7th grader,
but he's a black 7th grader, which means he's 24.
Well, Cat Williams is a very small guy.
Oh, come on!
I was going to not draw attention to that
and just coast on by.
Oh, come on!
That was fucking hilarious!
You're not going to laugh.
There's a 24-year-old.
And look at him. That dude is huge.
Well, he's
got to beat him up quick. He's got to get to work.
Alright, I got it queued at zero.
Alright.
Ready? Oh, can you guys hear me okay?
Yes, we can hear you good.
You know, I...
If you give me just 10 seconds to ramble on and say nothing,
this is a bit of a mic check.
I'm just wondering, can you guys hear me fine this entire time,
just like we could before the show started
and there were no mic issues whatsoever?
You were good the whole time there.
I think it might have been his presence.
I'm not sure.
This has been tough to debug.
You mean like a demonic presence?
Oh, like that was on TeamSpeak.
All right.
Ready, set, play.
You didn't know what to do there.
So the guy gets a cat face.
Left. Thump into another. Punches the guy in the face. The cat face. Left.
Thumping another.
Punches the guy in the face.
The guy takes him down.
Mounts him.
Gets his back.
He's not choking.
He's got like a left arm in there.
Get up.
Get up.
Get up.
Get up.
So the guy gets the best of cat in grappling, and you can tell he...
It got to the point where he could do anything he wanted, and the whole crowd just get off.
Yeah, now Cat's just lying on the ground.
He's just...
We can probably stop watching pretty soon.
He's just kind of laying
there everyone to hear ashamed yeah i don't like how he lays there like he's on a chaise lounge
just like oh you you happened upon me like just i think you make your ass beat in a minute he says
something like what kind of community community is this where you'd let this happen to a celebrity
and i think he's got a point because this guy is kind of i feel like he is a celebrity he's
somebody who probably came from a rough background and he's he's made something of himself and he's got a point because this guy is kind of, I feel like he is a celebrity. He's somebody who probably came from a rough background and he's,
he's made something of himself and he's done well for himself.
And you know,
he should be a role model.
He should be,
he's just trying to spread the message that you should treat people
differently based on who they are in a community like that.
Why would this people not like that?
That's weird.
There's probably some history behind it.
Let's not look into it.
Um,
yeah, I, he, he looks like a real asshole in this the sucker punch i don't care if that guy was like throwing kind of dirty bows in their soccer game you don't it was a complete sucker punch his head
was turned this way and he got hit in the right side of his face there was there's never been a
more of a sucker punch than that it went like that yeah they were face to face the guy's like
in his face like watch it he turns to the left and even if you did that's still a sucker punch than that. It went like that. They were face to face. The guy's like in his face. Watch it.
He turns to the left.
And even if you did,
that's still a sucker punch
if you're right in someone's face.
Like if I'm talking shit to you
and we're in an argument
and you're right in my face
and I'm right in your face
and I just decide
now's a good time
to just kind of target
that little spot
on the underside of his jaw
and I hit you.
That was a sucker punch.
No way!
The smaller guy
is entitled to take the punch.
That's my take on this thing
if if it's me and i don't know name somebody big shack right and shack hits me first he's really
being a bully in that situation right like he just it's it's not right but if shack and i are
having some disagreement and i decide you know what? I've had enough of your bullshit. And I throw a punch.
I'm the little guy.
Oh, my belly button!
Yeah, it wouldn't go well.
But, you know, now, is Cat the little guy?
No.
He's certainly smaller.
I think he's smaller.
But he's also a grown man.
Cat is the little guy, yes.
He's a grown man, though, right?
Like, if there was hypothetically some 6'1", 12-year-old,
and I knew a guy who was 6'1", 12,
am I allowed to go after that guy?
I feel like I've still got the best of him.
Of course not.
Yeah, that's ridiculous.
He is totally at fault here.
I don't care if he got roughed up a little bit in a soccer game.
Fuck off. Not a big deal. If he actually said said the whole i can't believe you'd let this happen to
an unfunny comedian celebrity like if he actually said that that's pretty douchey
but i did say that he did i can't get over him hitting that basically he's a young guy he's not
a tiny guy he's probably pretty strong in that like pubescent age of like sinewy dense muscle as
he's growing so he's probably stronger than he looks but still like he's the asshole i i think
cat's the asshole there i i feel like you can't hit a seventh grader even a 14 year old seventh
grader um because of a soccer match now if that kid hit him first, I'd be on Cat's side.
I can see them disagreeing.
I can see Cat standing up for himself if he's kind of being a soccer bully.
And even though he's a kid, you don't have to let kids beat you up.
But Cat, I just, yeah, I don't know.
And I'm also not a guy.
That kid wasn't going to escalate it anymore, I don't think.
I don't think he was going to start swinging unless Cat did.
Yeah.
And I don't like that...
Did I get quiet, by the way?
You're coming and going, to be honest.
In and out.
When we're talking and you're talking,
it's not to trample over you.
It's just because you've stopped making noise.
Yeah, if it ever feels like we're just talking over you,
it's because your mic's not working,
and we're just filling the air up.
My mic level dropped from 100 to 50.
Skype is not king, but...
Did you just hear me there?
Cash really is king.
So instead of getting stuck with high interest rate credit cards,
go to prosper.com.
Prosper's online marketplace connects people who need money with those who want to invest. Invest in you. You can use Prosper to borrow
up to $35,000 in as few as five days. With Prosper.com, you can borrow money for just
about anything you want. You can pay off high interest rate credit cards. You can fix up your
house, even plan a vacation. Anything you want, it's your money. Prosper.com is the better way to get your cash
the cash that you need
at a low interest rate.
So to check out your low rate instantly
without affecting your good credit, go to
prosper.com slash pka.
So for up to $35,000
in your account in as few as five days,
go to prosper.com slash
pka.
Check them out.
Check them out. Check them out.
Yeah, that sounds...
Take some money.
Pay off your high-interest credit card.
There you go.
Or go on a vacation.
I'm going to go on a vacation soon.
Or go on a vacation with your high-interest credit card.
My dad's having to have back surgery.
He's got a ruptured disc in his back,
and it's on a nerve that runs down his leg.
It's really painful for him.
So next month he's getting a surgery to fix that.
And I think we're going to go on a little vacation after that.
He said he wants to, he said, I'm getting to the age where if I want to go anywhere, it needs to be getting done.
So I was like, well, where do you want to go?
Let's go somewhere.
So I suggested that we go down to Argentina.
I suggested that maybe we go do that Alaskan Highway thing.
When are we going?
No, no. Me and my dad.
This is a father-son
connection kind of thing.
I'll tell you
what I will do, though.
I got Tim Kennedy's
phone number.
I'm not bullshitting you anymore.
I promise I won't do that again.
I still feel bad about last time.
But I've got Tim Kennedy's cell phone number,
and I'm going to arrange for some kind of a meetup with him in Texas
with an explosives guy so I can get some explosives training,
and I'm going to see if Tim wants to come on that trip,
and we could maybe plan it in a way so you could come too,
and you could get in on that, because I think you'd like that.
I would. That would be really neat.
I will say, and please do what you said,
I might end up turning it down,
and it's because of my mother-in-law.
She has the cancer.
I'm not talking about anytime soon.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I don't know when it would be. I don't know how long
this is going to impact me.
You could
fast forward four months
and it might be
even harder to leave than it is now.
She's talking about a woman with cancer.
So, you know,
play it by ear.
I'm sure Tim and I are going to be lifelong
best friends now. So, I mean, you know, you, I'm sure that I'm sure Tim and I are going to be lifelong, like best friends now.
So,
I mean,
you know,
you'll,
you'll see him around.
Let's just pop on the show.
Probably sitting right next to Kyle.
You'll see him walk in the background.
It's like,
Oh yeah,
Tim,
Tim's been in the night and I,
he was just passing through,
you know,
he's on the way to kill some terrorists or something.
Um, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I just, I, I, through you know he's on the way to kill some terrorists or something um yeah yeah anyway i just i i people don't know i think i mentioned it on the the show here and there um my mother-in-law
is coming at the end of this month so actually jackie's leaving tuesday to pick her up if you're
watching this it's saturday so she's she's gone in a few days. And she'll be coming back that weekend with my mother-in-law in the car,
and then she'll be living with us for a while.
And we're going to, I guess, sort of take care of her the best we can.
She has cancer.
I believe Woody's mother-in-law is coming to live.
Let's see if we can piece together what the story is, Kyle.
So I think that Woody's mother-in-law is in poor health.
They can hear me. And that the eventuality is going to be that she's going to So I think that Woody's mother-in-law is in poor health. They can hear me.
And that the eventuality is going to be that she's going to come and stay at Woody's house,
perhaps in the guest house he has, perhaps in the big house, as I like to call it.
But she's going to be staying with him for the foreseeable future to kind of see out the rest of her life, it seems,
because she's very ill.
We try not to admit that, but she's 75.
She has cancer. They can't operate on it.
It would be
very fortunate if this works out well.
Yes.
Yes, it would.
Yeah.
Did you mention
what kind of...
They all demanded that we use Skype again, right?
Use Skype! You have to use Skype again, right? Use Skype!
You have to use Skype!
I think you guys don't even know what I'm saying right now.
No, we're getting all this.
Keep going.
We're getting you.
The people were like, you got to switch back to Skype.
It was the greatest thing ever.
This is why, actually, it had been at least this bad previously.
We all worked on it before the show today.
It was working really smoothly.
And at first, I thought it stopped working because Chris joined, but now Chris is gone and it continues not to work very well. I'm speaking for myself and I'm pretty sure I'm speaking for Kyle that we must have uninstalled and reinstalled Skype six times.
Every time trying to like – Chiz sending us this little screenshot of like, is this the version you have?
And it was never the fucking version that we had.
We went to every – I downloaded the same –
I'm deleting program files, data files.
I'm scouring my computer for anything that even says Skype or has a blue emblem.
I'm deleting and uninstalling.
So Skype doesn't even know who I am anymore.
I was about to delete some accounts and make a new account or something.
And every time I get the same fucking version of Skype.
721-0100 or something like that.
Yeah, and I can't figure out why.
And I don't think that it's anything that I'm doing wrong.
They've sent me special download links to use.
I've used those twice.
I've downloaded Skype six fucking times
and uninstalled it six fucking times
in different ways and configurations and ways to make it work.
I still get the same version.
And I'm not even sure that that's our issue.
I feel like Skype in general has changed.
We have bandwidth issues.
We have, for some reason, we're all in 16x9 format right now.
That's never been the case before.
We always be in a portrait mode.
4x3, yeah.
Yeah, 4x3 mode.
So that's a whole new thing.
The audio's been bad.
I hear white noise in the background sometimes.
I don't know what to say about Skype
because I feel like it is the premier
video conferencing service that's out there.
It's the Coca-Cola of video conferencing.
So if you,
before you cast some stone and say,
ah, what the fuck are you doing?
Give me an option because I would happily pay any amount that's reasonable to have a video conferencing.
I'm going to pay $10,000 a month for you to set up some private line between me and Woody so we can video conference.
And we have certain requirements too.
It would be really nice if people didn't move around too much during the call you know like it
in on WebEx people to shift all over the place
also the video feed should be big enough well as this goes WebEx thing
everybody is a posted stamp you can't do that
you know like a I feel like in WebEx was designed that the PowerPoint was the
show
and then people's faces are just this like little side thing.
No, the people are the show here.
So what other things are out there that are better than Skype where the people are the show?
And it can't be something like Chiz is saying there where the guests that we're having on are required to install something on a computer.
Because sometimes we have guests who aren't computer savvy.
They have an assistant setting this up.
Like Chris Hansen had somebody come over there and set all the shit up
and then slide a laptop to him.
He's not going to be able to install something.
There's lots of people who are just going to be unwilling or unable to do that.
So it needs to be something that either people have
or maybe a solution to a current problem.
We're going to keep looking into it
as we have been all week, but
as of now, that's where we're at. It's better now. We've obviously
fixed a couple things because just yesterday
Kyle and I
couldn't even have a
conversation on Skype. Wouldn't work.
Zero percent of the time.
I've been having some
net issues ever since I started
paying for my internet.
And I complained about that thoroughly today.
I almost told the lady she smelled bad,
but I held back at that.
Because now I know for sure that it's her that smells.
Because last time I was up there, I smelled her,
but I wasn't sure it was her.
I didn't realize.
Was it a breath therapy person?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm not calling them.
They're only like 10 miles away.
Those people know me by face.
You have to pressure them constantly so that you're an annoyance
so that they'll go the extra step
to have a truck come out and dig up a line.
So I go two or three times a week
when I want something done.
And I'll be like, is he back there? Can I talk to him? up a line so i go you know two or three times a week when i want something done until and i'll
i'll be like is he back there can i talk to him i can hear him listen to fox news back there i hear
trump get trump on the line he'd fix this he'd build a wall and an internet line make my internet
great again he'd make it great again that's what i that's you want to go to some politics talk
um you know i'm always down.
I feel like there haven't been a lot of updates.
It doesn't have to be a long talk about it.
I think that the update is this,
that Hillary continues to dominate.
The Bernie supporters continue to be brainwashed
into thinking that they have, in denial,
thinking that they have a legitimate,
a chance at a legitimate path
to the delegates
or the nomination jump in there all his only path is through her in her in her indictment
there's another thing so so it's funny so up until recently the bernie people have been saying hey
this super delegate delegate system is bullshit i really don't like it. I don't like the fact that in a race to 1200
or whatever it is, she started 400 points in front of me. Now his shift is this. Hey, super delegates,
I can't seem to get more votes than her. Why don't you come over and give me the kind of advantage
you previously gave her? He's hoping to get this. He's like, look, I'm the one here who can beat
Trump and Cruzz if you
look at these national polls i seem to win all the time so super delegates give me the hookup
even though she's kicking my ass in the actual elections rig the system in favor of sanders
no but that's different yeah it's not i don't believe he can beat Trump. There's a thing about that. So the unnamed candidate, right?
If you say, hey, who would you rather vote for, Hillary or the unnamed Republican?
The unnamed guy always crushes it.
I could go the other way.
Say, who do you think will win, Trump or the unnamed Democrat?
The unnamed person wins because there's no negatives about that person, right?
It's just all your favorite things about that party.
Bernie Sanders, when they do these head-to-head things,
benefits from that.
They say, hey, do you like,
I think that was one of the reasons I liked Kasich early on.
I didn't really know his downsides yet.
I only knew like the bright points.
So they say Bernie Sanders beats all these other people.
That's because Bernie Sanders isn't known well enough.
And if they knew him warts and all, and everybody has them,
then he wouldn't get that unnamed Democrat versus Trump advantage.
Yeah, I think if it came down to it,
Sanders' fuel is young white people.
His kryptonite is black people.
On the other hand, Trump's fuel is white people any white people
um working class blacks and uh and his kryptonite seems to be apparently young class hispanics
right apparently i i feel like in a trump versus sanders it's it's a big election of people not showing up.
The Trump supporters will be very fired up.
The Sanders supporters will be very fired up.
I just think there's more Trump supporters.
His rallies are bigger.
They always talk about Bernie's rallies.
Reddit won't shut the fuck up about how huge Bernie's rallies are.
They're enormous.
No.
Trump rallies look like fucking Woodstock or something.
There's 35,000 people
they block those
intersections
and people walk three miles anyway
they have concerts
a concert stadium sold out
it's not even on the same level
it's an open mic
versus Bill Burr at Madison Square Garden
level of difference in the number of people
Chiz you just commented that
they will show up to make sure Trump doesn't get in office.
He will get crushed.
The number of Sanders fans out there
I think is very much overstated
because the people who are his biggest fan
spend time in circles online.
It's confirmation bias.
You're seeing what you want to see.
It's twofold. Not only are they loudmouths,
but they're often the kind of
people who were not allowed to call loud mouths but they're off because they're because they're
because they're like part-time social justice warriors at the same time they'll be triggered
or offended they'll call you a racist a bigot a sexist a misogynist or something like that it's
it's it's such a mixed bag of people who are so sensitive
that you can't really criticize them without them.
No, you can't even have a discussion with people that sensitive
because you say one thing that even just kind of pokes
at their sensibilities a little bit,
and suddenly it's not a talk about an issue.
It's a talk about how their feelings were impacted
when you were so insensitively used that word
or that argument tactic.
You know what I mean?
It really frustrates me.
I feel like you're a white male.
That should be racist, right?
Like, if I were to say, like, you're only Jewish, you know, people would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
That's what you're a white male should be regarded as.
fuck is wrong with you that's what your white male should be regarded as i i yeah but it will never be that way because people think it's okay to punch up and the perceived highest level you
can attain is white guy and so that's why it's okay is it that's i think so if you go by pc
political correctness what's the one group that no one will get fired up
if you insult them?
You know who gets a pass?
Every other group, even if it's a little outrage.
Asian dudes get so much of a pass.
They're beating us economically.
The Asians.
Yeah, the Asian guys.
They're beating us on SAT scores.
They probably deserve it.
They're kicking our ass everywhere,
and I just feel like...
They're penis size.
Okay, almost everywhere.
And driving abilities. Yeah, women are kicking our ass in education
because the whole
education system is set up to teach
the way women learn not the way men learn
that's just the way
when you give a 23 year old
when you give a 23 year old
girl who just got out of college
the ability to mold the minds of a bunch of fourth graders, who do you think she's going to kind of cater towards?
Looking back as a kid, you went in there thinking, this is a bona fide professional teacher who knows exactly the words to say to inscribe that knowledge into my graduate mind.
I thought that was Socrates I was learning from.
I thought it was a great philosopher imparting his wisdom upon me.
That's just some fucking guy. He didn't even have
a degree. He had a teaching certificate
because he had served in the military.
He killed some Iraqis
and took a little shrapnel. They put him in the
educational system. He would
lose his shit and throw books.
It's almost a good thing, though, that
kids don't know what their
teachers actually are at that age because it's like if you knew that old miss ms johnson six
months before that was blowing someone at kappa new house you know getting shit faced like you
wouldn't quite listen to her about you know long division the same way uh even into adulthood i
think i i think that though i'm glad you brought
this up because it's i'm kind of only now thinking of this but so i occupations i've had a lot of
friends who were teachers um and they're younger they're like a year younger than me or so a couple
girls that i know and they both teach and i you know i'm talking to them stuff and they're smart
girls and everything but on some subjects i know a lot more than them and stuff, and they're smart girls and everything, but on some subjects, I know a lot more than them.
And I'm thinking, for some reason, even now as an adult,
I thought you would have known that.
Don't you teach social studies?
Isn't that, you guys don't teach that about the Constitution and stuff?
No?
You know when you're around someone,
it doesn't take too long to sort of figure out where you are on the
intelligence if your peers are not yeah yeah if you feel like yeah like i might hang out with a
um you know the black science guy as kyle calls him and realize like oh i'm really outclassed here
and sometimes it goes the other way and sometimes your peers i remember visiting hope's classroom
in elementary school and i was surprised to see that her teacher was clearly not on my level.
I was just probably a good 15, 20 IQ points above her.
That's how it was.
Maybe 10, 15.
But yeah, yeah.
Teachers are...
Noticable difference.
Yeah.
I've met people that I've been blown away by.
Wow, this is someone I should really listen when that guy talks.
When he opens his mouth, some good stuff's coming out.
Let's all quieten down and just absorb what's coming out of him.
Yeah, yeah, anytime, Taylor.
But when...
Piece of shit.
No, but really, I was actually thinking of my friend Matt Barnett.
He's a chemist.
He got his degree from Texas A&M.
He's got a master's degree in chemistry, and he works for the government destroying ordnance.
And he was speaking to me about chemistry and the chemistry of explosives.
And he was explaining, and I won't be able to repeat this very well, but he was explaining,
he was like, oh yeah, this is the difference between a sulfate and a phosphate.
And the difference is only this and this, and it's a little temperature and a little bit of this instead of that.
And they look the same, but if you do that, then you die.
But if you do it this way, and it gets above 214 degrees, then you die.
But as long as you don't add any acetone during phase three then you won't die
and it's just like this is what you do for a living he's like yeah sometimes complicated
you just need to isolate the fate and then you can add the soul or the foss
post and and then you get either one you know but yeah that was so stupid
but yeah i definitely know what you're talking about there.
Sometimes, and you know, we've been to events and stuff,
and we run into fans, and sometimes the fan is like,
oh shit, he's a peer.
He's one of us.
He's really on our wavelength,
especially because he's a listener and everything.
Some of our fans feel like Kyle 2.0 or Woody 2.0
or Taylor 2.0.
They feel like copies of us
or versions of us. So similar.
They're into so many of the
Game of Thrones talk.
They've heard so many of our conversations
that they can really hit the ground running.
Yeah.
I really appreciate those.
Those make up probably the majority of our fans
I would say that I meet at the events.
Then we'll meet some guys where it's
a little different
and I still appreciate you being there but
it's just different
some people are different and by different I mean
not as intelligent
genetically inferior if you will
I recommend some sort
of testing
or even better some subsequent purging
oh not the sterilization talk again taylor why
do you always go back to this chemically sterilized chemically that's your answer
to everything i did i thought our texts were private don't air this laundry here
yeah i'm just i'm really involved on a bunch of forums about eugenics just i read i renamed
you know on like sky, you can rename people.
I got Taylor named Gerbils.
That's his call sign.
Oh, that's just dark.
Well, now that we got that out,
let's talk about...
Are we going to do an ad?
Yes, I was going to tell everyone about Audible.
Oh, I'd love to hear about it.
Go ahead.
Although, the page here seems to be lagging a bit.
Oh, hang on.
Would you like me to do a topic while you prepare?
Yeah.
You know, the subs don't want to hear my topic.
They really want to hear about Audible.
I'm going to give you some information on Audible.
This episode of Painkiller Already is being brought to you by our friends at Audible. Yeah, go ahead. This episode of Painkiller Already is being brought to you by our friends at Audible.
Audible.com is the leading provider for premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment on the internet.
I can see you out of the corner of my eye, and it really fucks with me.
I've got to close your little box and get you out of there.
You always do that shit, and I'm always, like, sweating it out watching you be an ass.
Keep going.
All right.
Keep going.
watching you be an ass.
Keep going.
All right.
Keep going.
Audible includes more than 180,000
audio programs
from leading audiobook
publishers,
broadcasters,
entertainers,
magazines,
and newspaper publishers,
as well as business
information providers.
Download and listen
anywhere on your
iOS device,
Android,
Kindle,
Fire,
Windows Phone,
and over 500 other
MP3 players.
Are you still a fan
of reading off your Kindle
but reading while
driving to work is just too bumpy for you no problem whisper sync for voice lets you switch
back and forth between reading the book on your kindle i can just hear the funniness and it's
like tickling me or kindle app and listening to the audiobook without ever losing your pet your
place or missing a word it works with your ip iPhone, Android, and your Kindle Fire. Audible is offering our listeners a
free audiobook of your choice
and a free 30-day trial membership.
Just go to audible.com slash pka
and choose from over 180,000 downloadable
titles. Get your free titles today and start listening.
It's that easy. Go to audible.com slash
pka. That's audible.com
slash pka and get started today.
We've recommended a few different things.
I definitely would recommend The Game of Thrones by Roy Dutris. slash pka and get started today um we've recommended a few different things i definitely
would recommend the game of thrones um by roy dotrice it i don't i don't know much about audiobooks
that's the one that i've got the most experience with i don't know if there are other audiobook
readers who are on his level but i would i would guess not because he's incredible i really loved
game of thr Thrones by him.
Chiz wrote down here, check out The Martian,
that movie that came out last year.
That sounds pretty interesting.
Here's the thing I do know about audiobooks.
Game of Thrones is more expensive than average. So if you want a free one, good idea.
That's true.
Definitely do that.
I'll tell you what it cost.
I paid for the discs because I really wanted to listen to it in my car
and I bought the first two books
on disc and they were about $45
a piece and then after that
I stole the rest of them
because I figured I paid
enough $90
for that shit seems excessive
so
I stole the rest of them
it's easier just to get it from audible or what happened to me to go
to audible storm of swords could happen to you or no a feast for crows where i was listening
like four or five years ago at an internship and i was just every day i'd go back start work and
put my headphones in listen to the audio book for like eight hours and go home and i just got
all mine for free first couple books were flawless uh by the time I got to Feast for Crows,
I listened to like four chapters before I realized
I listened to the whole book out of order.
Ruined everything.
All because I didn't get Audible and I couldn't
skip to where I was. I had to be like, well, fuck.
Like, skip to one area and he's
doing the same voice for another guy being
like, oh, back off, Jon Snow.
And like, you don't know who that
is. Sounds like 50 other people.
It's impossible to find that on the wall.
Lee's rustled menacingly as he...
When I listen to it...
And they blew the horns.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
That's it.
Hello.
Hello.
They have to bring, like, a younger person to reinflate his lungs
after every one of those
has a take because he's just old and feeble.
His skin is like
translucent like the wings of an
old moth.
What was I going to say?
Oh, so Woody, I got some good news for you.
Tomorrow I am sending you a package.
In this package I have
some sort of a saw
that collapses into a pipe
that belongs to you i
have your sleeping bag and i have a fucking flamethrower and uh and so i'm gonna ups that
shit to you tomorrow it should be there you know pretty soon that sounds like no i did not damage
you those items i took very good care of them oh this is a rain fly joke can you imagine if i
said his uh his sleeping bag back
and something hot had gotten against it
and it had melted the fuck out of the side of it.
It smells of urine.
And the saw teeth were all dulled and broken and chipped off
like I'd been sawing concrete.
I should have bought duplicates of every item,
fucked them up,
mailed them to you,
and then the next day mailed the real ones
so it arrives a day
and just ignore you for the first 24
hours. You people are terrible friends.
Yeah, 24 hours
would be too long, wouldn't it, Chiz?
He'd be here in six.
So we could do AMA questions I have a topic I brought myself maybe that'll be a hit or you I'm open to any anything all right so this
was an ask reddit topic that I thought would be neat for the show let me pull
it up so I get it exactly right. What event...
Oh, no, I lost you all.
All right, I was moving.
I didn't hear anything that you said up until now.
I was lost, too.
I both lost your video and stuff.
Anyway, I blame Skype.
Anyway, what event divided your life into before and after?
Like, maybe it's a financial thing maybe it's a
traumatic event uh some people in the thing we're talking about going to war what event divided your
life into before and after uh it's done it a few times right like um shit uh getting out of high
school that's definitely one of them there's a before and after that really big fucking totally yeah like once i'm out of high school then i'm free
i can do my own thing nobody can fucking tell me a thing at all like i was i was like
i didn't think i was a man when i got out of high school i wasn't under any any i wasn't under that
illusion i didn't there were a lot of things that i think that you need to be able to do or have done
to be a man.
I don't buy into that bullshit either.
I don't believe in young men.
There are young men, but I wasn't one of them.
A few years later, breaking up with my girlfriend, there was definitely a before and after then.
Because that just really fucked my life up and you know the direct i had been going in this direction and it was like you know just hitting a brick wall and and and it's just like all right
we got to go in a different direction now and it was really hard to to get the ship like going
again so there was a before and after is this the yeah dated her twice and there's a break during each breakup so she's two
she's two
you know like ten years apart
like two breakups ten years apart they were both
life shattering
I don't know when I first got
that like fucking
$56,000 from Machinima
when they finally
unlocked my money and got around to
paying me it was like
it was a bit of vindication it wasn't about i had i had had money it wasn't like oh my god i've got
so much money because i had had large sums of money before it was more about the it was the
vindication for all the people who didn't believe um not in me or what i was doing because i because i didn't did he just drop off taylor yeah he just dropped off kyle silly internet
after he was coming when he comes back i'm gonna ask him to pick one of these events because you
can't just choose every big event in your life that's i agree that's sorry about that he's
am i back now yes you're back okay so um what I was saying is, yeah, it wasn't vindication where I understood why people didn't believe in what I was doing.
They didn't believe in me, but I wanted them to believe in what I was telling them.
It's like you don't have to believe that I'm going to go and do great things on my own.
That's okay if you don't have to believe that I'm going to go and do great things on my own. That's okay if you don't believe that.
But when I tell you that the great things are already happening and that I've done this and here it is on paper.
And my dad was like, where's the money at? He's like, they're not going to pay you that.
They're not going to give you that money.
And I'm like, they owe me that money.
He's like, how long has it been?
Three months?
Four months?
They're not going to give you that money.
And I started to believe it and i'm like i'm i'm on i'm on call of duty uh modern warfare 2 or
something which is um hutch with hutch and and i'm like uh hutch you've been working with machina
for a while right machina for a while right and he's like yeah yeah i was like it was like they
pay you and everything right he's like yeah yeah i was like before you went over there you had some
big channel payments right and and he was like yeah. I was like, before you went over there, you had some big channel payments, right? And he was like, yeah, yeah. I was like,
I told him what I was owed, and he had been owed a similar amount of money, a very large sum of
money, tens of thousands of dollars. And I was like, did they pay you? He's like, yeah, they
paid me, and they paid this much to so-and-so. I'm not going to drop any names that he told me
long ago, but there were some other guys that he knew who had been paid large sums of money, too.
And I was like, OK, good.
And finally, fucking there was a day on Twitter and you saw everybody.
They went alphabetically and they went through the row.
And when you got to white boy's last name, he was on Twitter blowing up, you know, like I love machinima.
Everybody loved machinima.
And when you finally got to me in the middle of Alphabet I was like fuck yeah
finally I believe them
now but
there was definitely a before and after
moment because it was nice to know that
it wasn't all a big scam that I had been
working into that I wasn't
that Machinima wasn't a pyramid scheme that YouTube
wasn't a pyramid scheme that it was a legitimate
business and that I was
that I was being given what I'd been promised.
Because I didn't know up until that moment.
Which one of those five events was the most impactful?
The before and after.
I would think the high school one.
They're all equally...
Nope, not fair.
Each of them completely like the way i thought
about you know everything in life you know they changed the direction the path the the goals they
everything changed at each of those junctures do you want to be known as the guy who cheated on
this question i mean down for the rest of time i don't have to pick one that's the question oh okay
i don't know the first time the first time the girl broke up with
me then uh the first time that we broke up because if she hadn't broken up i would have almost
certainly uh married her and worked in finance um that would have been me worked in because that
was the finance yeah because that was it that was the trajectory that i was going on with the car
dealership thing i wanted that definitely where I was going to...
I wanted to be a finance director.
I wanted to be in charge of a finance department.
But I didn't give a fuck about any of that
after we broke up.
So that was probably a big change there.
Taylor, do you want to go?
I was going to say the McRib,
but honestly, Kyle's answers are way better.
Probably finishing college, because it's almost the exact same reason that Kyle said,
but if you go to college, you have more responsibility to get your shit done than in high school.
You know, not as many people holding your hand, but there's still that,
it's like a limbo before you reach reality, if that makes sense.
Like, you still
have some buffers up um when you're done with college and you're kind of just thrust into the
real world and you realize like oh my god nobody taught me how to do taxes like nobody showed me
how to do these things like fuck like i i figured there would be like the last class in college like
how to be an adult 1000 and like then you take it and you figure all these things out and you figure out what like apr means and all these things that you see on
commercials and like i don't know you know what i mean like maybe i'm alone here but you feel like
you're sent out into the world and that everybody else has a handle on what's going on and that
you're kind of like i don't know jesus take the wheel like you don't really know what to do that's
what that was my first like big schism thinking about that is, like,
holy shit, school's over.
Like, there's no more going back to that playpen and goofing off
unless I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to grad school for something stupid
and, you know, take out $100,000 in debt.
Yeah, that's definitely my real one, finishing college.
Like, finally feeling like an adult and having those responsibilities
like i so i thought about this question before the show and uh you know there's meeting jackie
i haven't got a bunch of these like kyle does right there's meeting jackie there's finishing
school um the youtube thing was kind of big for me because it was like a transition to self-employment
and being in charge of my own time. But when I thought it through,
like the real sort of before and after to me,
oh, someone wrote suicide attempt.
No, it wasn't that.
It was Colin's diagnosis.
Yeah.
When was that?
I already know what you're going to say.
I knew this going in.
I feel like before Colin's diagnosis,
maybe the plan involved a really big family,
a really big family, maybe four or five kids,
and seeing that Colin was going to need more attention than you could give to four or five kids meant that you had to keep it a tighter-knit family, right?
Exactly. kids um meant that you had to keep it a tighter knit family right exactly it's um our house
especially the apex house especially really was like is geared towards his development in a way
that most houses aren't like you know did your house look like an elementary school with fucking
alphabet all over the walls and stuff probably not uh but ours does and not not the new one um
jackie homeschools colin and that is like a huge time investment every day and uh i don't know just
something about our whole lives became geared towards giving him and hope but she's easy by
comparison the best shot in life possible and like so much
of what i've done like regards to my career and my time uh is all wrapped up into colin and that uh
that's been life-changing compared to like it uh that i feel like the before and after one
and uh yeah so colin's diagnosis was probably the biggest thing.
A lot of people, they don't know what he was diagnosed as.
The first diagnosis we ever got was autism.
They said he's autistic.
He was just a delayed speaker.
And then we started going to more and more professionals.
And it seems like delayed development or whatever you want to call
it um you can get any diagnosis you want you know with speech apraxia and and you know it
what do they call it expressive and receptive language issues uh they all the the point is
autism is a spectrum which didn't mean anything to me when i first heard it but what it means means is, like, you know, some people have it really mild, and it's hardly anything.
They're just kind of awkward.
And some people have it really severe, and they're completely nonverbal.
Yeah, it's a broad description of any number of ailments that can be applied in any number of combinations.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a huge, huge diagnosis.
I used to work with
some autistic kids, like,
volunteering, and
some of them would be like, it wasn't
until they did, like, one odd thing
that you'd be like, oh, okay, I see
why that kid is here. And other ones
would be, like,
26 years old, unable
to speak, like, they're knocking into
other kids because
that they're a full grown man and running into a little girl to like grab her toy is inappropriate.
Like it's a huge chasm of what you can be in there.
And one of the common threads about autistic people that made us push back on that diagnosis
was how autistic people sometimes don't connect with other people right like you
might expect an autistic person not to read your verbal gestures or i'm sorry your non-verbal
gestures you an autistic person might not understand other people's feelings right but
you say you love you and that kid never says i love you back colin is the opposite colin is
really really expressive and he's really in tune to how you're feeling how
you're coming in and out my friend i think i am for you but i'm not for the world yeah i think
oh that would be good yeah oh good um so uh anyway he he if anything i almost feel like he's got this
daredevil thing for non-verbals in that like because his language skills are weak
the non-language skills are super strong and uh um that's that's who colin is i think that's why
he's so sweet you know that could be part of it so anyway i know that you've probably told this
before and i just don't remember was it pretty quickly after he was born
that you got a diagnosis or was it oh well i i guess something like that would take a while
like you don't know until like the speaking starts right exactly or doesn't start so like i remember
i remember this so he said like mama or something like that at nine months like you'd expect
and uh as a baby baby they weren't words
but he was just really verbal like chatty cooing and and you know he was more verbal than even hope
was in that pre-verbal stage and um i remember i remember this jackie was talking to colin who of
course can't talk yet and he has like a younger niece or something and she's like you know oh
i won't name her but you know like gloria is saying mama you know you got to keep up and
at the time we had no idea how hard it would be to keep up you know for him so he was 18 months
to two years something like that when um when we got a diagnosis for the first time and we thought they
were wrong you know we did kind of push but they're like yeah he's autistic and
you know I can tell I've been doing this forever that's him and we're like what
and they're like yeah you know you because you do this and he doesn't like
pay attention to it and we're like but he totally will if I do this or that and
even now like I I think at first we had an objection to just like autism
as a diagnosis like we didn't want someone to call our kid that um that's where we're past that you
know it's do you feel like over time that you've that you've become more like content with the
diagnosis as it's been narrowed down and you've called in more people or experts or whatever?
Or is it kind of just a whatever at this point?
Well, financially, it's a good diagnosis to stick with.
Yeah, there's that.
I'll circle back to that.
I don't know if content is the term that I would use.
It's that we're no longer sensitive to it.
You know, you can say he has speech dyspraxia.
You can say he's autistic.
You can say he has Tourette's.
Like, you can say anything.
And we're just like, yeah, almost any diagnosis you give us
is not earth-shattering or even news.
It's just a different take on it.
A different take on the same sort of like...
I'm looking for a better term than mental disability
because it almost implies retardation.
Like his intelligence is fine.
It's just like some sort of language processing that he's lacking.
And some of the things,
like I said earlier,
that impact autistic people,
like just understanding feelings and recognizing that other people are people
and they're different than objects.
He's super strong at that.
So yeah,
you can call them autistic.
You can call them speech dyspraxia.
You can call them anything.
they're not really issues oops um it's
i don't know and then kyle was saying autistic is a good thing yeah there are a lot of um like
if it's a known disability like it for example let's let's pretend he had down syndrome uh
the whole world like social security and benefits and stuff, they're kind
of prepared to handle Down syndrome.
They know.
Like if you want extra like assistance at school and stuff and your kid has a Down syndrome
diagnosis, then they provide them because they get what Down syndrome is.
If you go to school and say, you know, he has speech dyspraxia, they're like, I don't
really know what that is, but we don't have shit for that's not on my list so um so in some ways we always just like accepted the autism diagnosis
because it's on the list so so we kind of glossed over it earlier but yeah yeah you're getting the
flamethrower what are you going to do with the flamethrower first start fires in the fire pit i think that'd be fun i um the the new ones are
actually better that so so they they upgraded them again the xm42s and
shucks skype
like i don't know like like a standard spray bottle it was it was like that that screwed
on there of camping fuel and now it's one of those really small, like a standard spray bottle. It was like that that screwed on there of camping fuel. And now it's one of those really small,
almost like a cylinder propane-butane canisters that goes on there.
It's 25 feet of distance, and the flame is a lot wider now.
It works real nice.
I have a 1,000-gallon propane tank because that's what we use for the house.
I wonder how hard it would be to turn that into a refill station for the flamethrower they're like three bucks a pop and they last a long time you
don't don't don't risk this this is how you got it this is like how you're gonna be a goner
because you were too cheap to buy three dollars worth of propane
just i'm gonna send you two canisters. Don't try to refill anything.
I just feel like that could... I used to think that they make...
I can see you tapping into this 500-gallon tank
to fill up this 3.7-ounce cube of butane.
And it's just filling the air with vapors.
Yeah, right.
Just buy a bottle.
They're $2.47 apiece.
But yeah, I played with those things the other day. Just buy a bottle. They're $2.47 a piece.
But yeah, I played with those things the other day.
We shot up, we did the firework woman.
We did the thermite car.
It melted the engine block.
I thought that was pretty cool.
And I put thermite on top of the car.
And I threw propane tanks all inside the car. So the thermite's melting the propane bottles
and they're exploding.
And I didn't consider this,
but they're exploding and sending thermite
flying through the air.
So it's kind of raining thermite.
So we're kind of running from the action
with a flamethrower strapped to me
and I'm talking to the camera like,
I'm really lucky I've got a cameraman
who doesn't mind when thermite rains from the sky.
Are you trying to like desperately hold the
russian accent together oh yeah yeah because it's sometimes things do not go according to plan
exactly like that you'll see that's that'll be in the video it's me kind of like i i i light all
the thermite up i get it going you know i'm using the the flamethrower to light magnesium strips and
sparklers that initiate the thermite reaction because it's got to be that hot. A flame won't do it.
Then it starts and there's
liquid metal flying and dripping
and pouring and it's getting pretty violent.
You can't light tannerite on fire?
Uh-uh, not tannerite. This is thermite though.
So thermite is three parts
it's rust.
What is iron oxide?
It's three parts iron oxide, one part aluminum
powder mixed together
and when you initiate the reaction...
Same element.
Periodic table. Iron, aluminum,
same thing.
Alright, wings.
This isn't aluminized steel we're talking about.
This is no mag light, flashlight. This is thermite.
So, I put this stuff
in flower pots because flower pots are
ceramic, you know, like space shuttle ceramics.
Doesn't matter how hot they get.
They don't melt.
I guess eventually they melt, but not at 5,000 degrees, which is what thermite burns at.
So it drips through the car, melts the engine block, hits those propane tanks.
They're exploding, going everywhere.
And we just kind of try to get some distance between us and it.
We just kind of try to get some distance between us and that.
But the firework woman, I put roughly $400 or $500 worth of fireworks and attached them to a female mannequin.
And big fireworks, mortars and bottle rockets and Roman candles,
which are all pointed back at me.
And about 6,000 long strings of firecrackers that I braided and made a dress for her.
And I shot it with a flamethrower
at pretty much point-blank range.
I put one of those face shields on
to make sure I didn't lose any of the money.
But I took one.
I hope it's on video.
We shot it in high speed from a side angle,
but I definitely got hit a couple times,
and it really fucking hurt.
Was it like a Roman candle?
A Roman candle or a bottle rocket.
I don't know which.
There is shit flying everywhere.
It's,
I mean,
it's a real shit show and I got a flamethrower in each hand,
like doing crazy arms with them.
So we had a real good time.
Yeah.
The pictures you sent look,
that's going to be an awesome video.
Yeah.
We had a good time.
Yeah.
I did not have an,
I did have the ghostbuster
suit on yeah i've got the ghostbuster suit on the whole time i don't think i make any reference to
it either safety first what's the eta on that video uh end of the week i guess so you think
it'll be april no he should have it done in two or three days i forgot about march i forgot it
was march for a second there so uh
you think it'll be march yeah i've got um i've got two done i've got the shotgun video already
filmed and ready to upload and i've got uh i'll have that flamethrower video in two days and then
that other thing that i don't want to talk about should happen soon and uh and then we'll do some
other things the shotgun video is that the one with the very expensive shotgun?
Did that happen?
We used these.
These are the double-barreled shotguns. I follow.
Those are also very expensive.
Yes, but there's...
I don't know whatever happened to the shotgun guy.
He kept putting that off more and more,
and I just think she hasn't contacted him in a while.
He kept extending his European sales to something.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'll say it because I don't think it's too much of a secret.
He was working with someone who made $100,000 shotguns.
He doesn't make them.
He's like the – they sell them.
He sells like three or four different brands,
and I guess it's the brand of shotguns that the royal family of England use.
They're really fancy shotguns
I'm not exaggerating they literally are
and Chiz wrote it there
they're like over $100,000 shotguns
and so our idea was to get some of those
and do a video and we probably still
will eventually sometimes
it takes years to finally
hook up with people to get an idea going
there's a YouTube video that shows
the making of one of them.
And...
So...
Can you explain what in there
blew you away to the point that you're like,
okay, I see why that's $100,000.
So, a couple of things.
Sometimes the materials
they use are fantastic materials. They'll use
petrified...
The stock will be made from petrified wood from some inundated forest somewhere. And it'll look like stone, but it's
wood. It'll be so beautiful. But they do a lot of hand engraving, not just on the wood, but on the
metal, on the breech, on the steel of the gun. They're hand engraved. It's incredibly intricate
and beautiful. use yeah there's
aspects of it i've watched these videos several times i feel like i know everything um they're
building these things the people that are doing it it's a lost art like hand engraving metal like
carving metal to be engraved in a way like that like i just feel like there's not a lot of people on the earth who have this skill set um they make screws right like if i was building a shotgun i think i
would buy screws they're kind of standardized you do whatever but because they make their own screws
the like um the slot in the screw is aligned like perfectly either perpendicular or parallel to what
you want it to be aligned with
like everything about it isn't it oh and then afterwards they like file the screw so the screw
is like you know totally flush with the wood like thank you that's what i was looking for um that
there is no detail too small to get perfect and uh and i guess for a hundred thousand dollars
that's what you'd want so are
they like old timey looking shotguns like over unders or double barrels for the most part yeah
they're over unders and side by sides yeah they're really beautiful they'll have like gold leaf stuff
and all kinds of intricate designs um i bought my dad a uh a colt 1911 um not about three christmases
ago and it's got a lot of like um engraving on it and stuff and
we were we were shooting that thing the other day and it really is beautiful everybody was
everybody was wanting to take a look at it I like stuff that's engraved um uh I want to buy a gun
that is a limited edition something like like I don't know the next time like I missed 1976 where
I'm sure there were a lot of 200 year
anniversary guns, but something needs
to come along where I can
get a special gun.
A few years until the
end of World War I,
100 year anniversary, maybe there will be
something there. Cool trench gun.
Something like that.
That's actually cool. Someone should do that.
That's neat
yeah like one of my buddies actually he wanted to get a gun for home defense and he bought
a trench gun as his home defense gun and he also keeps it in a bug out bag because he's like super
paranoid about shit going down he wants to to be prepared. But yeah, that thing is awesome.
You can just feel the Germans that died by it.
I've seen those World War II German Luger pistols
where blood had been splattered on it.
It's corroded.
You can see the blood stains on there.
Most of the time, I don't know what the word they use, but they'll
grind off the swastika
and the eagle.
I think that's dumb.
You've got to think. You just had beat the
Nazis. They weren't thinking that it was something to hang on
to.
I thought it was a PC
thing at first. No, modern collectors
would much rather have the one that hasn't been defaced.
I wish I had, like, I don't want, like, flags or any of that stuff,
but the guns in particular I think would be really neat to own.
Like, I'd love a Luger.
think would be really neat to own like i'd love a luger i actually almost anything any side weapons that have
been in war are interesting to me those are really cool there's a whole story to it you
don't know all the places it's been yeah i i imagine uh you know somebody really terrified
or brave or either one is fine with me uh you know being
under fire counting on that thing with his life uh that's someone at some point in time experienced
a lot of turmoil or exhilaration or something holding that that you're now holding and that's
a cool feeling you know yeah it's very neat i Do you know that World War I, the Germans wanted to get rid of the trench gun?
Because the American, it was so effective in trenches that if they were running through clearing the trench,
they could just whip around the corner and fire.
And suddenly you got a brutally named German who a bunch of people have to drag back to their side.
Like, did you know about that?
Yeah, they tried.
They wanted them sort of outlawed as cruel weapons.
You've got to keep in mind this is during a time where gas weapons were very prevalent,
especially with the Germans, using chlorine gas, mustard gas.
Yeah, and they don't want us to use a shotgun, but they'll just gas you.
That's ridiculous.
This may be some bunk horse shit, but I read it and I choose to believe it because it's cool.
That when the Germans would throw grenades, some of the really good skeet shooters who had trench guns could shoot the grenade and hit it in midair.
Like you're shooting a skeet and just kind of knock the trajectory off and make it so that it wasn't going to hit you.
Totally.
Which sounds maybe unbelievable, but that would be so cool.
I'll prove it.
I'll do that next week it's not a problem that's so you think they had like a go-to guy as they're
saying like billy joe i would be your guy i would be your guy that's that's what we do i sit around
and um we we use shotgun like spent shotgun shells a lot as targets i mean it's nothing to throw two
up and pop two but i'll usually have someone throwing them for me and try to keep the gun reloaded.
But, yeah, that would be easy to shoot a grenade.
How do you deal with spent shotgun shells?
They're so light.
You just flick them just right.
You can throw them really far.
End over end.
I believe that Kyle could hit a grenade.
Sorry if I'm getting quiet.
But I'm not certain that it would change the trajectory of it
because grenades are pretty heavy, right?
Yeah.
It depends on the shotgun and the load.
I don't know.
I would guess that they got buckshot.
If they got a full chuck with buckshot,
I feel like I could totally divert the path of a grenade
as long as it was within 20 yards.
You know what, Kyle?
I'm also thinking that it's not one dude who's the designated grenade shooter.
There's probably 50 dudes in that trench with a trench gun, and they see a grenade
flying up, and all of them are firing at it.
You know?
It's probably going to get hit by more than one.
Thinking out loud, Kyle, you could probably do a video that's not as high effort as a typical FPS Russia video for your second channel, just as a Mythbusters on that.
Like, hey, you know, people pitch me ideas and I always hate them.
But, shit, my volume.
I'd be super interested if you could just, like, prove or disprove that you can alter this.
We're losing you, Woody.
Sorry about that.
We totally lost you right there.
Try again.
I'm very upset.
There you go.
Anyway,
it's a second channel video.
I bet just a prove or disprove
whether or not you can knock a grenade off course
would be interesting.
I like that idea.
I want to make some real grenades so i think we should do it with
real grenades but not a live one you know i think there should be real grenades involved with the
video i think part of the the funny part should be that first we throw a real grenade and it like
blows up and it's devastating and then we're like now we're gonna see if we can do this whole world
war ii thing where they diverted grenades you ready you ready sergey like sergey's over there waving his jeremy
and he throws the other grenade at me and i try to shoot so yeah that was when you do the dry run
through of it don't have him lob it like they would have him like pitch it just line drive
straight at you so you're firing just oh god right at him oh i did do that i did that
thing once where i had a pitching machine i had a pitching machine throwing baseballs at me and i
was shooting them that was pretty interesting um it looks like it is just about time to tell
everyone about club w if you're anything like us and you know exactly what you like and how you
like it except when you're in the wine aisle tannins and terroirs mean nothing to you unless
you happen to be some fancy-pants professional sommelier.
Well, with Club W, the guessing game is over.
Club W is the world's only personalized wine club,
and your wines are sent directly to your door.
Not only does Club W send you your wine,
they send you the wine that you're going to love drinking.
That's because...
Have another drink.
That's because Club W's easy six-question quiz figures out your palate so that every bottle you receive is perfectly tailored to your tastes.
Club W is leading the grape-to-glass wine revolution.
They work directly with vineyards to cut out the middleman, which saves you money.
Club W even offers a no-risk guarantee that you'll love what they send you or your money back. And right now, Club W is offering our listeners 50% off your first order when you go to clubw.com slash pka50.
Wine should be fun, not pretentious.
Start learning as you drink at clubw.com slash pka50.
You'll even get 50% off your first order.
And this is a really smart idea because I think buying wine is one of those really difficult things.
And the price of wine is – there's such a big spectrum there so there's you know there's
there's eight dollar bottles of wine and there's eight thousand dollar bottles of wine and somewhere
in between is probably a really tasty wine that you would like that's not going to break the bank
and with club w to find that wine without I never know what wine I'm supposed to bring if you go somewhere
and you know it's polite to bring wine.
Right.
I don't know.
Is somebody else bringing a $60 bottle
or is he bringing two buck Chuck's
best wine from the 66 down the street?
Who knows?
Who knows?
Club W does.
I've never been the one to ask about that for sure.
Club W.
definitely helped me out.
We ordered this thing the other day.
We got good and lit.
And I decided
I like how they all drink.
I don't even know why
I haven't done this before.
You know what I think
is that wine has been good the whole time and I just haven't done this before. You know what I think is their wine.
It's been good the whole time, and I just haven't been drinking it.
Six glasses of wine is quite an afternoon.
Is that what you did?
Yeah, well, I had a good nap after that.
What kind of wine was it that they gave you to try?
I got a lot of dessert wines.
Going through the quiz, I definitely sided toward the sweet things and things that I thought.
I think I did that thing where you manipulate the test to make it be what you want it to be.
Because in my head, I wanted it to be sweet.
Make it sweet and tasty and delicious.
But instead, I just answered the questions to guide it down that path on purpose.
Most of them were pretty tasty.
I got a little heartburn after, but I did drink six glasses, so.
That's a lot of, was it maybe a Riesling?
There, no.
These were red wines.
What the fuck are you
guys doing in the chat? I push private
stuff away.
Oh, I see. Yeah.
Okay, alright, fair enough.
Cheers writes a lot of homoerotic things over
here and then quickly spams to get rid of them.
For people wondering, it just says
one enter, one enter, one enter
so that if somehow
something shows up on the screen,
then it...
It's so frightening for me, though, because I'll be
doing the ad read and I'm staring
at the screen over there so I can't see what's going
on Skype and it's just blowing up.
Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop's just blowing up and i'm like what is my tit it is like my dick hanging out there's like somebody like walking
up behind me creeping with a blade right now and then i start like getting paranoid about it like
maybe there is dude i need to look and then i stutter of course and so so i'm just like you
guys are really fucking with me over there you did a great job let me i'm gonna i'm gonna get
some club w going try that that out. Maybe I'll like
some of their wine.
I got this in the mail today.
I was a bit sleepy
when I opened the package, so I didn't
even read who
it's from, but thank you.
Oh, it's a gift.
Yeah. I didn't
realize. I thought you bought it.
No, no. I would never no i i i would never um do that
you know i got my shirt but
build the wall yeah um i i thought that was really funny it's all red white and blue and everything
um how does it make you feel to wear it it feels really cheap um it's it's
it's it's padded and cushy in a way that i doesn't i don't like and i've never liked these hats that
have this plastic shit back here and it's one of those hats that's really tall and i don't have a
tall head like like it's it's that and this hat is like like don't know, the hat is taller than my head is.
So it's like I need to be wearing it down here or something.
Like it wants to eat my whole head.
Yeah, Kyle's got a three head, you know.
Little smaller.
There's a thing about the MAGA hats.
Look, melon head, don't you be even pointing that shit out.
Kyle's tiny head.
You're walking over there like a fucking lollipop. Get out of here.
Come over here and talk about my little head.
As I'm walking around sometimes my
neck just gets tired and I have to go rest.
Hang it to the side.
The MAGA hats are
the MAGA? MAGA? The Make America Great Again
hats are interesting because
like on one hand
I'd never buy that shit, right? Like if it wasn't
Trump wearing that hat, it should be an ugly as fuck hat.
Like, it needs somebody to push it.
On the other hand, it's kind of iconic.
Like, if it was a regular fitted cap, like I think is attractive, somehow it wouldn't stand out as much.
Like, when you put a MAGA hat on anything, like Photoshop it or meme it or whatever whatever then i feel like it's a real distinctive
hat because nobody buys that shit i remember when trump i think he spent a million dollars on these
hats and they made fun of him they were like and trump today spent a million dollars on these
hideous hats what a waste and then you look and there's a million fucking people wearing those things.
I went to the rally.
They all got them.
And if they didn't have them, they were doing their best.
They wanted them.
They wanted them.
And they were slinging them outside.
Like, the guy had a cart full of them.
He kept emptying the cart, going back to his van, and returning with more.
He did it all day.
Everybody had one.
And they're not good caps.
They're not.
It has nothing to do with this.
This is not what you're buying.
You're buying a piece of the, you're getting in the group.
You're becoming one of the Trump followers.
And I've been really fascinated by this political season and what Trump's been able to do.
I hope he can beat Hillary in the end.
Because that's my only wish.
I want Hillary to lose.
And I would rather have
a reptile. A pro-gun reptile
would be a better president than Hillary Clinton.
I really strongly
believe that. I think Woody would be
a better president than Hillary Clinton.
I think that
Taylor's Mexican gardener would be
a better president than Hillary Clinton.
I'm up there, though. I'm close.
I might be a better president than Hillary Clinton. I'm up there, though. I'm close. I might be a better president than her.
You're not 35.
No, I'm not.
Kyle's not 35 either.
I didn't say I'd be a better president.
Oh.
Hmm.
Well, you are good at this.
Covering your bases already.
Ah!
A few more years, I'll be great.
That Make America Great Again hat, it looks like the hat that they would just give
to an extra playing a trucker in a middle school play
where he'd come out in coveralls
and that horrible hat that clearly has never been before.
You know what he sells these for?
Guess what this costs on Trump's website.
$60.
$20.
$25.
$25 for these things. Oh, is it she's saying 30 you know what would be fucking hilarious is if bernie sanders started a kickstarter at this point
for the rest of his campaign just to kind of like throw in the towel see if that's what it takes
you know i have no hate in my heart for bernie but i do like to make fun of him for some reason
him in the like it's it's because anytime people get super into something you want to kind of pick
it apart naturally you know like that's you just kind of see from the outside like there's no way
this fucker is as good as they're saying and so you kind of make it your mission to go in and
figure it out and and just kind of run with it i'm sure he's a great guy. He's done.
Oh, has the implosion started on Reddit yet? I'm sure that you've had a
closer...
They're hanging on and
coming up with all kinds of ways that they can pull it
off and saying this needs to be done and that needs
to be done. It's pretty pathetic.
The only path that
they have that I can see is her
indictment or her untimely death.
And what's funny is they're, to use basketball, they're down by 50 at the half.
And then they go like another quarter goes by and they're down by 50.
And it's like, really?
We were even that quarter.
So looking better.
And it's like, no, dude.
You needed to start winning quarters if you want to win games.
But it doesn't seem to happen. and it's like no dude like you needed to start winning quarters if you want to win games but
they uh it doesn't seem to happen
all right i lost you guys for a sec i don't know if you're live with me the last thing i heard you
say woody you know i i'm not in love with skype i feel like we succumbed to pressure to use this shitty
fucking skype thing and then maybe me in particular i've just been because you guys can't hear me all
the time that uh i'm just not in love with it yeah it sucked the whole first part the whole
first hour 20 minutes of the show you kind of had to just sit there and try to get in. There was just
no way to get in. I would raise my hand
sometimes.
That was it. And even if somebody called on you,
you might just start talking and they'd say...
And then you'd keep
going with it. I'm pretty sure that's only to
you, though. On the recording software,
I can see my mic levels, and it
should be fine.
I hope. Goodness, I hope.
I hope so.
Yeah.
Anywho.
I'm looking for
this Donald Trump gif that
I saw recently. It was really fucking funny.
I like his gifs.
His subreddit is
very good.
Is it TheDonald?
Yeah, TheDonald.
Oh, Philadelphia not looking as hot as they were last week.
I don't think they're going to make the playoffs anymore, Woody.
Pittsburgh was on a six-game win streak.
Now they're 88 points.
Philadelphia is 85.
Got the Islanders between them them i'm not feeling it
i wonder if i uncheck the box that she's this is working per fucking now it's broken
never mind but you're not broken i can hear you well i had to fix it man am i broken right now
is it sort of not working did i get quiet uh no you're good
right now well we'll see how this goes yeah before it started chiz had me like check that uncheck
that box i checked it again because that's how it was before and i wasn't having any problems
so let's try it and see if it works i don't know oh i'm quiet. Well, fuck.
Well, that sucks.
Yeah, well, I mean, people requested that we use Skype this week because they liked it better.
Like, maybe this will at the very least elucidate the problems we've been having.
Elucidate?
Maybe make sure that they kind of understand.
They see, ah, this is why they didn't do it.
You know?
That's not a word.
I like that.
You know what?
I'm going to check on it.
Elucidate.
Two is to make something clear that was formerly murky or confusing.
Fuck you, Chiz.
Yeah, elucidate is a word.
It starts with an E?
Who the fuck knew that?
I thought for sure the root word was the same as the root word for, like, illuminate.
But it's not.
It's E-L-U-C-I-D-A-T-E.
Make, and then parenthetically, something clear.
Explain.
I like Chiz's quick on the draw before I can even get out of my mouth.
That's not a
word you know you asshole uh it is let's just go with that can we just go by group and make taylor
wrong more often like the next time he says some words we'll just all agree that what he said
wasn't a word you're not gonna beat taylor at this lefty gave him this thesaurus and it's all
over now you're just he's got it's not gonna happen we're doomed the left this thesaurus and it's all over now. It's not going to happen. We're doomed.
The Lefty thesaurus thing.
He used a lot of large words.
I honestly don't know hardly anything about Lefty's tenure on the show
aside from the three episodes I was on with him.
There was one where you seemed to have a strong opinion.
I love that.
Oh, that was so funny. Yeah, there was one where you seem to have a strong opinion I love that oh that was so funny yeah there was one
what are you even doing
why do I even
keep you around
I'm funny
you know what you have
can we watch this
this is hilarious
this gif I love this oh my god did you find this yeah
i'm watching it oh i've seen it
look on romney's face when he breaks his hand
The look on Romney's face when he breaks his hand.
Is this from Superman?
No.
Oh.
What is it from?
Look at that physique.
Does that look like a Superman physique? Terminator?
No.
That is Terminator 2.
That's Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger.
He's slinging bikers around.
That's the beginning of Terminator 2.
He walks in there.
I like the panic face on Rubio.
But he's like, oh.
He's getting thrown through the window.
He slaps him with a
pool stick. That's a great fucking movie scene.
He walks into that bar fucking naked.
The jukebox is playing.
Well, you taught me how to hurt real bad
and cry myself to sleep.
The waitress walking
by with the drink.
She looks at Arnold's cock.
She keeps on going going he enters the room and the big bad biker man just
like fuck are you doing in here I need you close your boots in your motorcycle
and he burns him with that cigar and I don't doesn't even fucking move of
course cuz he's a machine and he's like that yeah cigar. And Arnold doesn't even fucking move, of course, because he's a machine.
Because he's Arnold.
Yeah, because he's Arnold.
I forget that he's a machine.
That was a good Arnold impression.
Living tissue of a metal endoskeleton.
You're the very good staccato delivery of all the lines.
It doesn't flow well between the words.
Very sharp endings to all of it.
Arnold is...
I don't know how... he transcends being an actor
he's more than just an actor
he really does
it seems insulting
he transcends that
he really does
I go back and I watch him and Carl Weathers
and fucking Jesse the body Ventura
and Predator and they're riding that
fucking Huey riding into battle
he's spitting that tobacco Jesse the Ventura and Predator and they're riding that fucking Huey riding into battle. He's spitting that
tobacco. Jesse the Ventura
is just looking around
a bunch of slack-jawed faggots.
Just fucking dirty mouth.
This is all because of chemtrails.
He's not talking about
that back then. It's the government
that caused this whole thing. I know I've ranted on this before
but you got two future governors, Schwarzenegger
and Ventura. You got Carl Weathers.
You got Dennis Rodman.
Some of those shots are Dennis Rodman in that Predator suit before he left the film.
Jean-Claude Van Damme at one time was attached as the Predator.
He thought it was going to launch his career.
He thought he was going to be out there doing karate moves or something.
But they seen a big guy walk around in the suit and it ended up being this this just tall black guy that was scary but that is a pure
action movie it is my second favorite action movie only to die hard one but it is almost a perfect
movie um and and you know there's so many one-liners you really think that your your favorite
action movie is die hard one i know that's probably a common pick for people.
It's just, I don't know if that's number one.
I don't know what I would put in front of it.
I really, like, it's, so it takes itself seriously, and it's well made.
And originally, it was supposed to be the sequel to Commando,
which is another Arnold Schwarzenegger movie that I like a lot.
When they kidnap his daughter to try to make him kill
that South American Presidente,
and he's like, fuck that shit.
Remember, Benny, when I told you I'd kill you last?
He's like, yeah, man, that's right, you did!
I lied!
He just drops it.
At one point,
his car flips upside down,
so he just picks it up and flips it back over.
In the beginning of the movie and he's he in the beginning
of the movie he's like walking with an entire tree on his shoulder just like that's casual for him
and then later he picks up another truck and like pushes it down a hill like those movies were full
of like feats of strength for him and i i love that that's what i i grew up with those movies
they're different for me um but yeah die hard I think Die Hard's my favorite action movie.
I've seen it four or five times.
It's not one of those movies that I watch repeatedly.
I'm just familiar with it.
That might be higher up there for me than I think
because the more I'm thinking about movies
that I like with action scenes,
the more I'm thinking,
well, that's not necessarily an action movie.
Lord of the Rings has a ton of action scenes.
It's fantasy. Yeah, it's like a fantasy epic i guess you would call it or something like that i don't know
die hard with a vengeance which is the third one with samuel l jackson is is a close second it's a
very good movie i haven't seen the third die hard oh really only the first two so um it this isn't
too much of a spoiler because what the fuck right but the guy the terrorist in the first two so um this isn't too much of a spoiler because what the fuck right but the guy
the the terrorist in the first movie his brother comes back to get john mclean he's got a hot
brother yeah he hans brother has a hot female like uh counterpart who's like slitting throats
and stuff and it's kind of kind of kind of kind of cool but the main thing is he he pairs up with
samuel l jackson to kind of do this thing and sam sam jackson is just a regular kind of everyday guy who's like oh shit you know every time you
know something crazy happens um and uh at the beginning what the terrorist makes uh uh bruce
willis's character do is stand in harlem on the street with us in his underwear with a sign that
says i hate niggers and i mean a big sign and so he's just standing there
with this sign and it's not long before he's spotted and and you know shit goes south and
sam and sam jackson's character intercedes to defend him from these like people who are going
to murder him and and so the terrorist is like you know what you like him so much you guys are
stuck together you've got to jump through my hoops today or i'm gonna blow up a school
and you know then that's what die hard 3 is it's very good die hard 2 was very very bad very bad yeah i did um
i looked it's considered an action movie uh braveheart oh yes that's another one that i
don't even know if yeah always have i don't know if i would include that as i almost think of that as a drama almost just as
much as an action film you know there's a re-edit same with the patriots i think so there's a re-edit
of that film uh braveheart that has the torture and death of william wallace at the very beginning
you get that out of the way and so then it feels like the rest of it is redeeming
you know what i mean and because the way it's currently set up,
I don't like to see the last 30 minutes of that movie.
I don't want to see them torture the hero to death.
Freedom!
There's another thing.
Both of those movies are great,
but for me personally,
and it's considered an action movie,
according to the internet,
Saving Private Ryan, I might like more than
both. Oh, that's a great answer.
That's a good one.
It's not what I would consider a pure action movie.
To me, it's a World War...
It's a
Spielberg fucking
action movie. It's definitely closer than...
It's an incredible... It it's a masterpiece it's the
best world war ii movie that's ever been made it's the best uh it d the the guys who were at d-day
watched this movie and said that's accurate that's what d-day was like and like yeah yeah the whole
d-day scene is sorry what do you let you talk let you talk. Oh, yeah, I'll try. I think I've talked about this before on PKA.
I was blown away at how anyone could survive this situation.
You've got those amphibious boats, I'll call them.
They roll up and drop what I presume to be a bulletproof door.
Now it lays forward and becomes a ramp.
And then they just get mowed down.
And there it is yeah 15 dead
americans never had a chance uh it it wasn't like they were bad at war if such a thing exists
they just got a bad spawn so to speak like that's not callous that's just the fact it's like they
might have been the most badass guy who just dominated in his classes. And they're like, God, Tony over here is going to tear shit up when we get into Germany.
And then he's about to go.
And then pull it right to the eye.
Green Beret from last week.
Tim Kennedy, Green Beret, Army guy, special forces, UFC fighter.
One of the toughest people on the planet.
Legit.
If he's on that first boat, there's no skill set that protects you from what
happened there like i think he's in a lot of trouble the whole like uh and it's been parodied
even in the south park imagination land like that uh ringing like the eee from the flashbang and all
the firing when they're on the beach and the guy's like like walking around like and he finds his arm
which is just a remake of footage from World War II of a guy
who actually goes to pick up his arm
misses it and then picks it up again and walks away
like that's real footage, it's so fucked up
to watch that, cause he's like
have you seen that real footage, did you know that was
real, Woody? I didn't know. It's real
footage of this guy, he's so in
shock, the battle's like going, D-Day
all around him, and he's like standing
there with one arm, like just trying to find his other arm and he does, and he just-day all around him and he's like standing there with one arm like
just trying to find his other arm and he does and he just picks it up and walks like he's in a
grocery aisle he's just so like not even there fucking horrifying uh yeah that's and i think
especially as a man you can empathize more with that where it's like man i was just born in a time
where i lucked the fuck out. I could have been that guy standing
there pissing himself, or the guy next
to him who was pretty confident who also died.
Like, that...
I don't know. I'm sure you guys...
I like the one... You know, you see,
there's one part that really shows off the senselessness
of it all. You know, there's
the doctor runs over and he patches up this soldier
and it's a real fight. He's trying to
get this artery clamped or whatever, and there's blood spurting,
and it's a fight because they're on the beach, and there's explosions,
and mortars going off, and tracer fire.
And he's working and digging and digging, and he gets it clamped off,
and he's like, oh, thank God.
And then a bullet hits the guy in the fucking head that he's been working on the whole time,
and he's just dead like that.
And it's just like, all right.
It's like at any any moment it all can crumble
like saving private and saving private ryan if you if you go if you look up that i'm sure you
maybe you've got it pulled up look at the supporting cast i can't name them all very
well offhand but every one of those guys is outstanding vin diesel vin diesel's in there
a lot of people don't remember um he's in there for just a few minutes he dies uh when they when
they try to save the french children, that girl or whatever.
Yeah, he gets sniped by the sniper in the bloody letter.
Here, let me read some.
So Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Matt Damon, Adam Goldberg, Barry Pepper, Edward Burns, Ted Danson.
Yeah, Ted Danson's that officer.
Jim Motti, Dennis Frey, Max Martini. I don't know a lot of actors. ted danson yeah ted danson's that uh that officer moddy dennis ferrier i'm trying to
max martini i don't know a lot of actors um yeah i only know like three of these so don't feel bad
yeah matt damon and vin diesel and tom hanks tom sizemore and um ted danson uh he's the lead in firefly
yeah he's always that eyebrows minnesota ryan he plays do you know the movie firefly or the tv
series yeah yeah i remember now so so remember they're looking for ryan and he was one of the
ryans that they found who wasn't the right ryan oh okay okay he was the ryan who i think he might
have been the ryan that they told that his brother,
they're like, yeah, your brother's dead, and he starts crying or whatever.
What happened?
My brother's in grade school.
You know, it doesn't make sense for him that his brothers have been killed in war because they're like, you know, in school still, back home.
So it was, yeah, I think that's the character he played.
Vincent.
Anyway, that's one hell of a fucking movie and an outstanding cast.
and an outstanding cast.
Spielberg's made some of the great... Some of the greatest big fucking
perfections of movies.
Like Schindler's List is just incredible.
I love Schindler's List.
It's so sad.
I don't like crying,
but some movies I know are going to make me cry.
Like Sling Blade will make me cry every time.
But I've only seen Schindler's List twice and both times it was i feel really bad after sling blade didn't do it
for me and i i you know i used to bravely go against popular movies but uh oh here we go with
thinking i'd rather listen to the dog impression but uh um yeah i just just got kind of bored in Sling Blade.
Never invested in the characters.
And, yeah, also...
And John Ritter.
And John Ritter's performance.
Powerful.
Saw the end coming.
He lives in his heart.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Now I'll do bad Santa.
She's going nuts.
Well, I love that movie.
I think he's incredible.
It's on Netflix.
If you're listening out there, go watch Sling Blade if you haven't seen it.
It is a touching, incredible performance by Billy Bob Thornton.
I think it's just as good as Forrest Gump as far as a performance of Mentally Challenged Man.
And if you watch it all the way to the end, it's so touching
because his character is such a kind, pure kind of individual.
I don't know.
It really gets to me every time, his relationship with that boy
and how he was missing any kind of human relationship,
especially with his own father.
And then he connects with this boy who has lost his father.
And both of them are kind of lost in the world.
And they just kind of have each other.
I love that.
It just really tears me up when they're having those conversations by the lake and all that stuff.
It's a sad fucking movie.
I don't think I've mentioned it on PKA yet.
But it appears that my father has completely recovered from his sweet
whole like cancer scare thing and he's good and he's going on vacation again soon so your mom's
not walking too well one would guess yeah your dad's your dad's all better uh it looks that way
yeah that's great congratulations i'm happy for you man yeah at one point uh i mean he tested
positive for you know cancer signs and stuff like that so he's um he's good to go that's great
that's great yeah let's see here i'm trying to think what else i want to talk about here that
that i've got going on this week
oh you got some AMA questions?
Fuckin' Chiz and Age of Mythology
after this? Oh, yeah, we're definitely gonna
do that. So,
I think I've kind of, I think I might have
picked up a new game in Age of Mythology.
I think I'm gonna need to get practice
up, because I'm still learning the very, very, very
basics. Chiz says he's
going to stick his cock down my throat
and make me cry
again, and again
is in all caps. That's the best part.
Which really makes me
not want to play with him.
Chiz is good at games.
You know, there's a mode we can put on where a lion
is allowed. He's over here talking shit.
He says, then whip your ass in speed runners
name a game that dude chis is good again you know who else is good at games all right
olympic games how's that motherfucker swimming competition endurance um uh what was i gonna say
oh lefty's good at physical activities he's got he's got his stipulations he's real i'm
trying to think of a game that i know that i can beat chiz in a 1v1 situation i think if you gave
me time to get a little practice in call of duty 4 um i yeah he even said it like as soon as i said
it like if you give me a little time to get practiced up on the stick i i think i've just
got so much knowledge on that and just so much experience at it I could probably get him.
I think I could get him in Civ
as long as I had
maybe two days to prep
because I would need
to do a little strategizing because he's very good
at that game.
Chiz is a natural gamer, but I do
think I could take him in Age of Mythology and
Age of Empires because I think I put more time into it than him. Chiz is a natural gamer, but I do think I could take him in Age of Mythology and Age of Empires.
Because I think I put more time into it than him.
Chiz is a natural gamer because he's got two qualities that make up a good gamer.
First of all, he's really smart.
He's good at thinking things out and strategizing and just finding out how things work really quickly.
He puts the pieces together faster than most. And second of all, he's got a hand-eye coordination advantage over
most people when it comes to gaming.
He's just able to control his character more accurately
with more dexterity than
the average person, and he does it time and time again.
I'm not stroking your ego, asshole.
You've got plenty of flaws!
We'll have a roast next week.
I've got a winning record
against him in wins.
Roast of Chiz, and he can't defend himself
your hat selection your headwear selection for one thing that and that that ethnic look you've
got about you i mean chiz is actually in this call he could choose to like talk back and he's
literally just typing instead yeah but um but yeah like games like speed runners and, um, um, what's the one,
um, that that's blowing up and it's cross platform now, um, rocket league, all that stuff. Um,
Chiz just kills me and Woody. Um, he's just, he, he picks it up faster and he, he hangs on to that
lead despite practice. I have to work. I have to outwork him to beat him. If I do beat him.
You know what it is? I bet I, this is
something, I'm only a couple years older than you,
so we both came up in the Pokemon era.
I bet I could take
you in Pokemon Blue
or Pokemon Red if we both had to start
at the same time, no cheats, and we
only had a given amount of time to play. I bet I could
take you. I bet it would be
a bloodbath.
Oh, you played Ruby? I'm not that much older than you. Why the fuck didn't you play Red
and Blue?
Well, he's typing,
so that's not a good question.
Shouldn't have asked that.
It was too hard.
Yeah, it is too hard. You know why? Because it was made in
1996, and there were a lot of problems
with that fucking game.
Yeah, no balance at all. I'm liking this age of mythology thing it's it's real-time strategy versus turn-based strategy which i like in some regards and i and i dislike in others because
with turn-based strategy you're able to click click click click click click all right i'm gonna
wait for my turn to play now Now I can look at my phone.
I can run and pee.
I can fill up my drink.
But in real-time strategy, I feel like if I take a minute away,
then I've wasted that time.
I need to be ordering my empire around.
I need to be scouting plus slamming my hotkeys and building shit
and getting structures up and advancing through ages and making sure
that my workers are doing their thing.
There's always something to do.
If there's any downtime, then you're doing it wrong.
Yeah, exactly.
That's the hardest thing, I think, for people getting into that game is either as soon as
they have enough resources to start making soldiers, they'll pump out like five of them
and just let their ten villagers keep doing their thing or they do what i struggled with which is you get your economy like
roaring and then they attack and you're like well fuck it turns out there's nobody here to
to kind of keep the peace it's just a bunch of useless berry pickers there's a balance you've
got to find that it took me a very long time to find it in Civ. I would always
run into situations where if I got attacked
early, there would be no one to defend
the castle. And I never knew
how many units to have
and how early and
start building
more. But now I've learned, you know,
every so many turns, you add another.
And eventually you've got this many and then you start diversifying.
And with Civ, it took me fucking
months to learn the balance because
the games are so long, but with this, I feel like
we're learning. I'm at least learning much
more rapidly because Chiz and I played three
games in a row
this afternoon. I don't know.
We played for an hour, maybe 20-minute
games.
Yeah.
They're not super, super long.
It's going to take me a while to pick this thing up. I've only played a handful of games, so they're not yeah if you're out there um we're gonna it's gonna take me a while
to to pick this thing up and i've only played like a handful of games so i'm not even i don't
know what i'm doing yet but once we get good at it i think i'd like to play with some of you guys
out there some of the fans so uh it's age of empires dragon something or another age of
mythology tale of the dragon thank you 34.99 on on Steam. There's like 30 people playing it.
I'm trying to think of games I might be better than Chiz at.
The list is going to be small.
Pong?
Didn't you do okay at that Knight medieval game with the swords and shields?
I did, but I'm not sure I did better than Chiz.
I might actually be better than Chiz in Left 4 Dead,
but I remember he wasn't awful either.
I haven't played Left 4 Dead in years.
I don't know if I'm...
Chiz was good at COD.
I don't know if I could beat him in any of those.
It's weird.
I hate to say I'm not a gamer anymore,
but something about picking up a game
that requires a huge investment to be competent
isn't interesting to me like i've been playing i actually played probably 20 30 minutes a day
of that agario game do you know it where you just get the balls and you sort of get bigger and
bigger something about that game is really interesting to me but it takes five seconds
to sort of learn and that's that um oh chis wrote i agree if you're not
playing with friends things like civ and age of empires wouldn't appeal to him yeah somehow i just
like like you could pitch the coolest game in the world and if it takes 12 hours to be like to even
just know the game like from beginning to end and i feel like age of empire 6 more than that you might have 12
hours in it and i i would guess that you're still learning the game yeah that's a big investment i
can't see like i don't know i guess i did it with civ when civil when civilization revolution came
out i it just interested me and i got into it and that kind of got me into civilization
so when i got when civ 5 came V came around, I was sold immediately.
And I bought that Civilization Beyond Earth bullshit,
and I'll buy the next Civ II.
The actual, the real sequel that's made by the same publisher, I think.
Civ VI comes out next year.
I like that game. I really do.
It's the kind of game that I've always kind of fantasized about playing.
This kind of devious plotting, planning your battle for hours kind of thing.
The forces slowly move in and, you know, tricking people.
I love, like, I've had some victories where, like,
they didn't know it was coming at all, and you're just like,
ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah, I got you.
You never saw it coming, and I'm just, here it is.
And I love that.
You'll send some weak army up the front, but really you've got an enormous army crossing an ocean.
It's going to take them 30 turns, which is like two hours to even get there.
Like two hours of real time.
Two hours of real time.
Can you imagine?
I can imagine.
Let me stick with me here.
Let me tell you about a scenario that really happened.
I'm sending a faint army, which is just kind of to draw their forces away, over land, and it's a little bullshit army.
But my other army is literally taking two hours of real time to go across the ocean to get around his flank.
Now, if at any time he discovers my army's in the ocean, they're just in canoes because it's like soldiers in canoes.
They're not actual naval vessels.
There aren't transport ships in this game.
So they're incredibly weak to his navy or anything that he might bring over there and shoot me.
So if he finds me, he'll just destroy me.
I'll lose like that.
So my heart's pounding as my troops are like...
For two hours.
Not for two hours.
In the last five minutes.
The last few minutes
when i'm close to like getting everything landed and i and i actually start the invasion then my
heart's pounding then i'm just like yeah i got him i got him it all came to fruition all my plans
came together i i out i outsmarted him i outplayed him and uh and i love that about civ the the the
losses of course are just crushing you know
the thing so like i've played games before where they mattered to me like it was a thing i really
wanted to not lose civ is not one of them uh with civ i just want to stop playing yeah you just want
it to be done but you haven't played in a long time so you're on a good stretch it's been better than ever
just that civ is like call of duty 4 game battles to him i don't know what that means i like that although it was really that's something i used to say about game battles i started game battles
in modern warfare 2 but like yeah it just there was something on the line i remember kyle telling
me like ah you don't want to play game battles. He told a story of someone he knew
that cried because that person
made a mistake that cost them the
match.
I don't know what's on the line.
Game battles ranking.
Our team was called Lethal Talent.
We were ranked either 11th
or 10th on the team ladder.
The reg team ladder that
year.
We didn't want to lose. Now,
I was not the driving force that was carrying us to 11th or 10th place or whatever we were.
It was Socrates and Impulse and me and maybe two other guys.
Yeah, you were the fourth liner.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'd come in when victory was more likely. But they would play against Fierce's team
and Envious's team, like whatever
their game battles teams were
and be competitive.
So, I lost my train of thought
where I was going with all that.
I was talking about how
I get stressed out and cry.
Oh yeah. I would be incredibly
stressed out when when i was there
it would be because we play snd 3v3 and you're the last man and i know what to do that's my game type
that's what i spent the most time playing but it's still like you know i'm laying in my in my
hiding spot i'm watching the bomb through a crack through a hole by a dumpster with a gun and i'm
just killing the defenders one by
one as they come, and I'm just praying that nobody
hears my silencer
and knows that I'm way the fuck back here hiding,
because they'll come kill me. And it's just, it's scary,
because there's a lot on the line, and they're watching you.
Everybody's watching you in Search and Destroy.
You know, your whole team, your buddies,
they're counting on you.
So, you don't want to let them down. It's not
that they're judging you, because I don't mind that. It's that they're counting on you. You don't want to let them down it's not that they're judging you because i don't mind that it's that they're counting on you you don't want to let them down
i realized that game battles wasn't for me i've only played two matches in game battles ever
both were with woody and t-mart it was once that we played and i after hearing about game battles
i was just like oh so it's kind of like a little more competitive you go and it's still fun but
you compete and you kind of get ranked.
And I was like, that's neat.
And so I got on there with Tmart and Woody.
And Woody was, he certainly had more experience than me in game battles,
but still wasn't like, this was five years ago, I bet, maybe six.
And, but he was more experienced in game battles than me.
Trevor had been doing it for a while.
And like 40 seconds into the domination game on afghan or
whatever fucking map it was and trevor's yelling like two top side two top side like one by the
big rock in the fucking red cave or whatever the shit and i was just like this isn't fun this is
stupid i hate this i'm like i feel like i'm actually failing when i die i'm not good enough
to be here like it i hated it i hated everything about it and it seemed like everybody in the lobby
afterward granted my sample size is two different groups of people but they were cunts they were
cunts and i hated them and they were very difficult to deal with and it's like i'm creating stress for
myself that i don't need i'm not going to go to a chess competition to try to have fun i played that
oh i played some i remember there was one it Warfare 2. I don't remember the map was called, but it was like a construction zone.
And it was T-Mart and I.
And this is on my channel somewhere.
I don't know if I could find it.
But T-Mart and I both went back-to-back super clutch plays to win at demo at the very end.
And it's one of my better moments in gaming
history yeah and that's what game battles does the highs are higher the lows are lower
so what the way that i found the game battles the matches that were the most fun for me were the 2v2
um uh hardcore matches the 2v2 hardcore ladder on world at war was hilarious me and uh impulse
um who's it was another friend that played with he was he was on the same level of socrates i feel
like just as good um i'll never forget that night that we were all playing with junkyard and trying
to help junkyard get a nuke and uh impulse joined and he was like he's like what are you guys doing
i was like well this guy's never got a nuke we're trying to like kind of help him get one and he was like, what are you guys doing? I was like, well this guy's never gotten a nuke. We're trying to kind of help him get one. And he gets a nuke
that game just to rub it in and leave.
You know, Junkyard's on
kill 12 and it's like
8 or 12 minutes into a domination
game and he's like, I can get
there! And
I guess I was wrong.
He got it just a few minutes in.
He got it really fast.
12 kills. That's like 6 Junkyard Quickies.
Chop this up.
I got videos all month, baby.
Tune in next time
to see if I get killed when I go around the corner.
He does.
It's like a reality show.
Last time on the Quickies.
It didn't go well.
But we would play this hardcore
World at War game battles ladder
and if you remember, there were some
really, really big
maps in World at War. Like some gigantic
ones. And I don't recall their names, but
they did a good job of not
just making the map big, but there would be these
deep recesses of the map
that were open for travel. You could walk back
there, but nobody would ever go. There would be buildings
to hide in and large fields of flowers.
We'd get the first kill.
We'd throw our preloaded grenades
and pre-fire, and if we got that first
lucky kill or two, got up by one, two,
three kills, we would hide.
We would hide. I don't mean
we would get in a
window and look out the window no
no we would lie in the grass so the great in the tall grass you just lay there motionless and if
he walks by you you don't kill him you let him keep walking that's the best part because then
he's eliminated this area from his search pattern and and people would get so angry and and of
course that was the goal.
We're trolling them, right?
Because we want them to dispute because I'm running a capture card.
I have proof.
And we knew a ref or two.
We were going to get it straightened out anyway.
But these people would lose their shit and call us scrubby-dubbies
and get all mad because we weren't playing the right way.
And occasionally we would beat really good players who thought a lot of themselves
and really get mad when you use a tactic like that to beat them.
Did you tell them you had your dazzle going?
I had my HopHop PBR rolling at that point, I'm sure.
I had them at beautiful 1080 quality.
That saved us a few times.
No, 720.
Two.
One, I remember we'd be flat out accused of cheating.
This guy's cheating, that guy's cheating.
It's like, no, man.
All of us are YouTubers. We'd be like, look of cheating. You know, like this guy's cheating, that guy's cheating. And it's like, no, man. And like all of us are YouTubers.
You know, we'd be like, look us up.
You know, look at my channel.
I've got other game battles things.
I do this all the time.
And they'd still be douches.
They'd still be douches.
They'd dispute.
I don't know if it's gotten any better or if it even still exists. But the game battles community at the time was just filled with awful people.
It was because of the lack
of these things right here.
Now that everybody's got a
camera with video and
pics, you can just be like, bam, there's my proof.
I won the game. Back then, Chiz
typed it earlier. You've got the digital
camera up to your TV, and you better be quick,
because it only displays the scoreboard for, you know,
five seconds or something like that.
I was usually responsible for that. Like, before I had a capture card you know can i get that picture real quick
and and you know if you forget i remember every now and then i would forget it was chiz's job
too every now and i forget and i'd be like don't dispute don't dispute because i don't want to have
to tell my partner or my team that like i didn't do my fucking job do the thing you needed to do
yeah yeah yeah because i'd be so i'd be like yeah we won we won i'm like yeah yeah and i'm like oh shit oh fucking oh and then it you know
it's back to the loading screen i had one where i didn't record yeah i was supposed to oh yeah
they were telling us that they were going to dispute and i'm like don't even bother dude i
got my cap card i'm woody's gamer. I record the whole thing check my YouTube channel
You can see I record every game. I play and I'm lying because I fucked up the recording and it worked. Yeah
Same here. Nothing
We've we've had we've called in refs before and some of these reps be much younger than us like kids
Yeah, yeah, and I'd be like well i'm if he is kyle and this guy
is an asshole he'd be like well fuck him then this view overturned like that happened a few
times i was just like all right then he didn't even want to see the proof he's like how dare
you do that to kyle so i don't know i had mixed uh experiences on game that. Very exciting, fun wins, funny moments when we troll people,
and then, of course, crushing losses.
I can't remember any instances in particular,
but in those high-stress games where it matters,
if I underperformed in that.
Because I remember we had a hardcore ladder team.
We had multiple teams.
I might have had three or four teams.
I bet I got a bunch of GB points if you look on there.
I think I was ranked up pretty high at one point because we had so many teams.
I had an Uno team.
Just trying to get all the rank you could.
We had a good rank.
I played doubles Uno.
We were like 12-1, something like that.
We weren't even about rank.
We were just trying to make videos.
We wanted close games.
Our ideal game was not a win.
It was a close game.
A close win would probably be the very ideal.
But that's what we were going for.
And people would dispute when we won fair and square.
And we wouldn't give a fuck.
Because it wasn't what it was about.
It was just about, I don't know, I guess getting good competitive matches for our channel.
So, yeah, we didn't do that.
Yeah. I liked it, though yeah i liked it though it was a
it was interesting it was it was a cool concept they still do it i wonder if it's still as popular
as it was then or maybe more popular i was in that kind of bubble where to me it was very popular
because everybody i i knew was talking about it and even in lobbies you'd hear it discussed and
stuff so i don't know how big they are anymore yeah i just feel like competitive cause i don't i don't even know if that's i'm sure it's still a thing it's obviously still a thing
i just i i'm not sure if i left that world or if that world barely exists or if it's still like
this doesn't exist anymore yeah because to me it's not i Remember Drama Alert used to be focused on either COD girlfriends
or player switching teams, and now it's not on the radar.
All right. Lost you there for a sec, Woody.
Of course.
There you go. You guys want to wrap it with AMA?
Yeah, I'm looking through here for a good one.
Yeah, let's try and find a good one.
There's always such a big chasm between the very good questions and the very, very bad.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
questions and the very very bad what youtube channels are you currently enjoying watching that nobody knows you watch i like this guy uh two bc productions to bc he makes uh
videos mostly like the video game nhl 16 going through gm modes and whatnot i think it's kind
of neat and he's very he's so much better at the game than me.
That's something I could beat Chiz in, NHL.
I've been watching that guy with the hydraulic press crush stuff.
That's really cool.
The hockey puck was great that Woody sent last week.
How do you like your steak cooked, Woody and Kyle?
Medium rare.
And on the rare side
of medium rare if that makes sense.
I don't want there to just be a little
pink in the middle. I want the whole thing
to be pink.
I don't want it to be bluish purple
which is what ultra rare
seems to look like. It sort of looks blue
almost and I don't want actual
blood to run out at any point
but I'm fine with pink all the way through
um like a warm red center I think is is what's going on or a cool red center something like no
it's warm yeah I agree with everything he said rare the only thing I would add to that is I like
the seasoning to be pretty heavy it's gotten to be like kind of how I evaluate a filet mignon
like I've never, did you,
did you,
what did you say?
Medium rare,
medium rare, but the seasoning is important to me.
I,
I like,
I rarely complain about being too salty or too peppery or whatever that
shit you're putting on it.
Put a lot of it on there.
Outback does a good job of that.
I like some places that don't put any seasoning and it's just maybe a
tiny bit of salt and pepper and then that's it. Like if I, and I think the way I like it cooked depends don't put any seasoning, and it's just maybe a tiny bit of salt and pepper, and then that's it.
And I think the way I like it cooked depends on the cut of meat.
If it's like a ribeye, then I think medium rare,
so the fat can kind of render a bit more, you know?
But if it's a filet, I like that really fucking rare,
like almost to the point that it's blue, like Kyle's describing,
and a tiny bit cool.
It's like cow sushi.
I like that.
As long as
you're not afraid of worms or
parasites. No, I don't use steak sauce.
Steak sauce is
not very good. I don't understand the hubbub
about A1. It's like tart and bad.
It makes it worse.
I like A1 steak sauce.
If I were eating a chopped steak, which if i'm if i were eating like a
chop steak which is basically hamburger um i would put a1 on that because that has like no
redeeming quality really it's just kind of meat but if it's a good steak especially if i've paid
more than 20 dollars for i'm not gonna put steak sauce on that thing it should already be tasting
really fucking good because i've just paid 20 or 2525 for a piece of meat the size of my hand.
But also like skirt steak, strip steak, flank steak, flat iron.
I think a lot of those are the same thing.
Just cheap cuts of meat.
You're not really throwing that on the grill and eating it in one piece.
You're mostly like marinating it, making tacos, doing something like that like you should dollar steak that's two pounds at your local grocery store and just go out whatever
oh it's a fucking bull's tough part of its shoulder just throw it on the grill and hope
for the best like no that some steak shouldn't be eaten like that that's gross i've had some
great steaks um i had this gigantic filet once in jacksonville florida um i don't remember how
big it was but it was monstrous i've had some of those crazy bone-in uh cuts of meat i've had
really big rib eyes um i got a i got a new york strip steak the other day though at a texas road
house which i normally don't go to it's one of those restaurants with the peanuts everywhere
like they just throw them on the floor like the shells and kitty's hyper allergic to that shit so she can't go in there so
i wasn't with her so i i was it was just my girlfriend and myself we were in uh south
carolina and i went and it was good um i i don't consider places like i don't know longhorn and
texas roadhouse to be nice restaurants per se but um as far as a middle-of-the-road steakhouse,
it's pretty fucking tasty.
I've got a topic.
I think a Texas Roadhouse is higher up than Longhorn.
Anyway, sorry, what'd you got, Woody?
Yeah, maybe so.
Shit, I just lost it.
Oh, oh, oh, semi-politics question.
Hypothetically, which of the current presidential candidates
do you think will die the soonest?
Sanders.
He's the oldest.
By four years over Trump.
I think Trump will die first.
No, those four years are essential.
Trump will live to be, I'm going to say, 82.
And Bernie will live to be...
Trump has enough money.
He'll live to be like 89.
No, 87, I'm going to say, because I'm sure his life has taken some out of him.
He's been living the good life his whole life.
He's been pampered, taken care of, the best of medical care.
He's not going to get some random disease that needs years to actually get you without detection.
No.
He's not going to have some heart attack, something like that.
If he's going to get struck down, down it's gonna be like a barely overweight for he's i feel like he's what 35 40 pounds overweight that's that's the thing i
feel like trump has been living a rich man's life you know like not necessarily to kind of like i
feel like he's had a lot of alcohol in his life not Not alcoholic. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I bet
he's enjoyed beer in a way that
maybe Bernie Sanders hasn't.
I bet he's enjoyed red meat in a way
that Bernie Sanders hasn't. He doesn't drink alcohol
or smoke cigarettes. It's a big thing
that he teaches his children.
Oh, really?
Well, I did not know that.
I was thinking not so much like drinking, smoking.
Zero drugs, zero alcohol, zero cigarettes.
He's probably eating, like, really nice desserts and crazy fancy sweets and steaks.
I just meant, like, his overall diet.
Like, will you have that much money?
It's like, am I going to get that red meat filet that costs, you know, $90?
Yeah, I think I fucking am because I want it.
And I want that little chocolate cake piece afterward. afterward I mean it's not like I drink or smoke
I deserve a little something right
right that's how you rationalize
things like that
I don't know why I just thought about this but I saw a little thing on reddit
the other day it's a completely different topic remember
in Lord of the Rings the
steward of Gondor he's
he's eating those
Denethor is eating those tomatoes on that
pewter plate with the pewter goblet
as he's losing his mind.
Yes.
I never made the connection, but the acidic nature of tomatoes on those pewter plates,
I guess it exposes the lead that's used in the manufacture of them or something like that,
and it poisons your mind and makes you crazy and wacko.
So that was kind of a little, oh, and by the way,
he's crazy because he's eating tomatoes off pewter plates all the time.
That's really interesting.
Yeah.
Because, you know, it's a close-up of this tomato bursting in his mouth
and, like, running.
It was so gross, that scene, because he's doing it, right,
as Pippin is standing there, like, singing,
and Faramir is riding with the riders of Minas
Tirith back towards Osgiliath to try and
reclaim the river position so that
then all of the forces from Minas Morgul
can't pour through Osgiliath and lay siege
to Minas Tirith. It's like Stephen Colbert!
We must take the river!
I went through a phase where like
I've watched that whole
I had a weird obsession with Lord
of the Rings like just knowing knowledge of it.
Like I'm sure Kyle is the same way.
Like I've watched that rant from Stephen Colbert where most people are like,
look at this guy, name in places, where's Lorian, and like all these things.
And I'm sitting there watching like, yeah, yeah, well, yeah, Melor, yeah.
Where's the – like I feel you.
I'm tracking with you.
I have a hard time
regurgitating a lot of that information but i i've watched all those videos and read up on you know
like what gandalf is what you know the the the there's like a there's like a god and a devil
sort of character in there what the um when he's a flame of udun you know and all that shit like
like what is the flame of udun like i looked into all that stuff
and um the flame of light some servant of anor and a i know a servant of the secret light and
in on and all that bullshit um and the the balrog of mold or the and then how it was um
sort of the antithesis of of gandalf you know the opposite of more goth yeah more god master
also yeah that's what you don't know so you get into it sauron he's just a lieutenant Gandalf. The Balrog of Morgoth. Yeah, Sauron's master.
Also,
that's what you don't know until you get into it. Sauron,
he's just a lieutenant. He's the lieutenant to Morgoth. He's the big guy.
Yeah. Sauron's just kind of like
the placekeeper.
Who's Morgoth?
He's like the original
badass guy, and when
he was fighting, I think, the Valar
way back in the day like the gods
basically um he had sauron as like a lieutenant and then as time went on and morgoth was defeated
or i guess kind of defeated uh sauron laid dormant and then came back and started ruining shit
but yeah sauron was sauron the white at some point, right? No, you're thinking of Saruman.
Saruman is the wizard in Isengard.
Yes.
Yes, Sauron is the eye.
You know, the big eye on the tower where it's like...
You know, every time it pops up.
That scared the shit out of me in that movie, the first few times.
When I watched The Fellowship of the Ring...
And they touched the orb.
No, that came out... Yes, that. And that movie came out in, like, 2001. the first few times when i watched the fellowship of the ring and they touched the orb oh no that
came out yes that and that movie came out in like 2001 so i was like 10 11 years old when i saw that
movie can i tell you the most terrifying moment let me guess for me the scariest moment is yes
he's like oh you've got my old ring and when bilbo like and like mutates for a second i went frame by frame to watch the
cgi like mutation of his face and paused it at its worst and he is a ghoul i would like black
eyes and sharp teeth at one point as i sink into it that scared the piss out of me i like i said
i was like 10 or 11 years old and i was watching it just thinking that this old nice hobbit was
gonna talk to his nephew give him a couple good wishes on the day because i hadn't read the book by the time that came out and just
the whole like oh my old ring just so gentle and saying i could just hold it again one last time
i don't think that's a good idea. No thanks.
And then at the end of the trilogy, of course, he's like,
do you know where my old ring is?
No, Uncle Bilbo, I lost that old ring of yours.
I wouldn't have said that.
I'd have been like, motherfucker, you don't remember what you started?
Look at this shit.
Look at this shit.
A goblin ate this shit
a little mutated hobbit man he had eyes this fucking big and he nodded off and then fell
into a lake of fire and it's your fault you asshole like you don't remember what happened
to your ring he went senile at a very convenient time when that was going down. If I'm Frodo, I'm like, look at me.
It's hollowed me out the last four years.
I've been doing nothing but walking to get rid of your fucking name.
I don't even know who I am anymore.
We're leaving right now because my soul is empty,
and I have to go to the land beyond the sea or whatever the fuck.
I'm exhausted.
I'm tired of dealing with people like Gollum.
I'm pretty sure I'm gay.
I didn't even know until I went on this journey.
My God, me and Sam blew each other on that rock
because we thought we weren't going to get saved.
And then, my God, those eagles showed up.
I think they saw.
Oh, my God.
Not yet, but I swear.
Oh, Jesus.
What are the rest of the guys going to say?
I don't know what year we're in,
but they can't be cool with that.
I mean, Legolas will be okay with it, but
what's Gimli gonna say?
Gimli won't take kindly.
Gimli? Did you guys
read the books? Yes.
In the books,
Gimli was quite the badass.
The movie
really, really did him wrong.
The dwarf tossing scene
was an insult. in gimley in the
books was legolas running to legolas is equal and uh not in the movies they did not play that up as
much as they should have like all the competitions where it was like uh legolas first gimley i think
in helms deep in the book gimley wins the little competition in the movie too in the book, Gimli wins the little competition. In the movie too. In the movie too.
He does. I thought that Legolas like ties it up
at the end with like a shot to the orc
Uruk-hai sitting under Gimli. Yeah, but that's
bullshit. He's like, he was twitching.
He was twitching because my axe
is stuck in his brainstem! And he like
wiggles it and the guy's like, ah, does that.
Like.
I, yeah, Gimli was like my
favorite, one of my favorite characters.
When everybody else was raving about Legolas, it was like, yeah, but.
Well, I knew that actor previously, and Gimli's playing two roles in that movie.
Do you know the other role that the actor portraying Gimli is playing in the Lord of the Rings trilogy?
Doesn't he play Treebeard or something, too?
He plays Treebeard.
Yes, he does.
There we go.
Oh, this is memory lane.
I didn't remember that since, I know you've watched all the extended edition and all the special features. Yeah. Oh, this is memory lane. I didn't remember that since...
I know you've watched all the extended edition
and all the special features.
Oh, man.
I'm due to get obsessed with Lord of the Rings again.
Can't be good for me.
We should do a PKA movie night again.
I'm down for that.
We haven't done that in like a year.
We used to watch movies together.
I'd do that.
We've got to pick some good movies, though.
And I don't know if a three and a half hour epic is the way to go.
I like to watch...
When I re-watch
those, I like to watch them with somebody.
I watched them with my girlfriend recently, and I like to
kind of be the shepherd guiding them through. I'll often
pause, and I'll be like, alright, so here's what's
going on. I'll explain
why something's crucial.
And I'm no Lord of the Rings expert by any means,
but I've seen it a bunch of times. And I've've got the extended version so i'll be like i bet you've
never seen this before remember how that rope fucking unties itself she's like no they didn't
even have that rope scene in the movie i'm like exactly like now we get to see the elvish rope
you know untie itself and you get to see the scene where galadriel is giving them all their gifts
he's like oh that is fine daggers are you that was great he wanted the dagger and he gets the stupid
uh uh rope and everything I I like that movie that movie had so much heart and it was so uh
it was so ahead of its time uh technically um great great movie one of the one of the best uh
best things ever been done on film. Especially in the trilogy sense.
I think it kills Star Wars.
It blows it out of the water.
It's not even a contest
if people are being true
and realistic about it. Not even a contest.
Ten Academy Awards.
All that shit.
Let's talk about magic next. I get it, Chiz.
We're drilling fantasy stuff
into the ground, but magic is also cool
real neat you'd like it if you played it you have that kind of mind guaranteed
you keep telling yourself that i'm not gonna keep responding oh yeah yugioh you've said that before
yugioh never tried that not going to
yep Yep.
Let's see here.
Well, I'm looking at Chiz's suggestion that we hit another one of these AMA questions.
I was wondering if you guys have any tips for buying a used car.
Well, it depends how used you want to get.
If you're looking for like a starter car that you're only going to drop a couple thousand dollars in, you still want to check the car facts, but you really want to get your own mechanic to look at it, and most dealerships want that car. If you're buying, say, a $5,000 to $20,000 used car from a car dealership,
again, you want to get the car facts,
and you really want to shop around and do a lot of online research and weigh the pros and cons of going a year older or a trim size higher or lower
and figure out how many miles is a lot of miles for this car.
There's a lot of things to take into consideration.
If it's a diesel truck, 85,000 miles and nothing.
But if it's a, you know, it's 2016 now,
if it's a 2015 Mustang and it's got 85,000 miles on it, throw it away.
Somebody's probably been like, they put 85,000 miles on it in a year
and it's a sports car. They've probably been riding the shit out of it. It's probably been like they put 85,000 miles on it in a year and it's a sports car. They've probably been
riding the shit out of it. It's probably not
the car you want. So there's a lot of
things to weigh and a lot of things to consider when you're getting a
used car, but it is the better way to get a
car, especially if you're paying cash.
Financing, you'll often pay a higher
interest rate.
That's some insider information, guys.
Take that. Not with a grain of salt.
Yeah. insider information guys take that not with a grain of salt yeah what is the worst thing you have to do on a daily basis
either wipe your ass or get out of bed i would think i hate getting out of bed because it sucks
when you're really comfy and warm and wiping your ass is gross all the time i'm the only one here
that has enough upper body strength to lift the trash bag out of the trash can and i'm the only one here that has enough upper body strength to lift the trash bag out of the trash can.
And I'm the only one willing to transport it from that position to the dumpster where it goes.
So taking the trash out every day because I live with two women who think it's perfectly fine to throw anything and everything into the trash can, including like sodas three quarters full.
And like God and liquids and like this thing today like when i went to
list with the trash bag day it took all i had i'm guessing the thing weighed a hundred pounds
something like that like and i'm like are you taking the trash out all right so well you have
to every about every day almost definitely definitely, definitely every two days.
And we use those 55 gallon construction trash bags.
And I put them in a giant trash can in the kitchen because we make so much waste at my house.
They both have online businesses where they're selling and packaging.
And they use Amazon as a, you know, to get their bulk products in a lot of the times.
Tons of Amazon boxes.
And then I'm always getting products coming in and shipping out
and shipping out merchandise and stuff.
So there's just so much trash that we create
that I use those 50-gallon trash bags in a 50-gallon trash can.
And yeah, that's the worst thing I do every day is take the trash out.
So not too bad.
I'm sure there are people who have much, much, much worse things they do every day.
Sneezing.
I hate sneezing.
I have a problem with my...
I like sneezing.
Most people do.
I do sometimes if it's like I've had to do it for a while.
But I had a couple surgeries on my nose, like my breathing path,
when I was very, very young.
I didn't know that you were supposed to be able to eat food with your mouth closed and breathe at the same time
until I was like eight years old.
I was constantly eating and chewing and holding my breath
until I'd be like...
like trying to chew
because I couldn't breathe through my nose at all.
And so I had to get surgery for that
and I completely lost my train of thought
with what that had to do with anything.
You were literally a mouth breather.
Literally a mouth breather for the longest time.
So was Chiz, he says, until he was nine.
Yeah, it sucked.
When you finally get it fixed, like, I played hockey.
I started when I was, like, five, so I was, like, four years in when I got it fixed,
and it was like, holy shit, like, this is why I'm so much more tired than all these other kids because i'm just
trying to gulp down air like a mongoloid instead of breathing through my nose like most people but
anyway here's a money one uh i recently landed a good first job 50 grand a year i'm putting away
a thousand dollars a month which is like like 22%. Should I be thinking about
saving for a down payment on a house or
retirement for now?
I like the house.
You just started working.
Get the house. Yeah, exactly.
I'm assuming he doesn't have a house.
I like the idea that
he saves until he has 20%
down so he can avoid the PMI,
which is just throwing away money on insurance that doesn't get you anything.
You're buying insurance for your lender with PMI.
It's not to your advantage really at all.
So anyway, yeah, save enough until you have 20% down
and then perhaps talk about retirement.
Good plan.
Well, I think that's a show.
I think it is. I like this a lot lot we got a lot of movie talk in there
at the beginning I liked our guest a lot
I like what Chiz did this whole show
chiming in correcting us really well
you know filling us in with
minutiae and details
I liked the guest a lot
he seemed like a smart guy
I liked him
anybody who agrees with me that much
must have a good head
on their shoulders, I'd have to say.
I think the low point of the show
was when Taylor started making up words.
That's possible.
Strategery.
I had a good show. I think this went
really well.
I want to thank our sponsors, Headspace, Prosper. I think this went really well. P.K.
I just want to thank our sponsors, Headspace, Prosper.com, Audible.com, and Club W.
Check them out.
Links in the description below.
A lot of cool savings there.
A lot of cool deals if you're interested in any of those.
Very good.