Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #277

Episode Date: April 15, 2016

This week on PKA, Harley from Epic Meal Time comes on and talks about tearing his "junk", as well as telling stories about his time at "Jew Camp" then shares his thoughts on what Game of Thrones Season 6 will be.

I'm PKA episode 277 with our guest Harley. Kyle? We got three special sponsors tonight. We got Tracker coming back again, keeping up with all your goodies. Me, Undies, taking care of your goodies. And MVMT Watches, which we all love and adore. So we're going to talk more about them later on in the show, in the midpoint sometime.

But for now, let's get to it. We got Harley back again. PKN, pimping. Juice did a thing. I want to talk about the beginning. What is it, gum'm a tracker you got an interruption in less than less than 30 seconds fuck off everybody interrupts

I'm the only one to take shit for you can all second dick suck a dick get a lot it I know I am dying there was a time when like everyone interrupted everyone I was only I took shit and then I started backing off completely. Oh, my God. That is classic. Kyle, what were you talking about a little earlier?

I was talking about Harley's office. It looks fucking pimp. I want to know more about this office, what's in those cases back there, what kind of memorabilia you got. Is that video game stuff? Is that sci-fi stuff? Do I see a stormtrooper? I want to know what you got back there. That looks like some –

Okay. You still haven't done the PKA thing. Well, just because you asked. First, check out how sick this is. It's so awesome. It's down to the desk too, bro. My desk goes up and down. So I'm like, yo, my back's a little sore. I'm going to fucking post up, do my emails like this while standing.

I never thought in my entire life that the one thing I would cherish The most would be my desk, but like I fucking love this desk. We're like I'm allowed to swear on the show right oh No, just use bad words That's fine. You get one everybody gets one. Oh just no races to Jews right? No, we're okay with it. That's the only race Fuck my people to Jews, right? No, we're okay with that. That's the only race. Okay, cool. Well, fuck my people. So I value this desk, but I got,

and I'm so happy you asked, by the way, because I mean, what's the point of spending all this fucking money if no one's ever gonna care and see it? But like, what I did was I got really hooked on buying these like hot toys or sideshow collectibles. So they're like 12-inch figures, like highly detailed. You know, it's probably like 18 Japanese people made this thing right here. And I ended up buying like a lot of Marvel ones.

I have like all these Stormtroopers and shit because I love Star Wars. A couple of the original Epic Mealtime guys quit and they were getting paid better than the new guys because they had tenure and they were here for a couple years so their salaries increased. Once they left, I was like, oh shit, I guess I'm going to start collecting action figures.

Look at this. I don't know if you guys can see it on camera. Oh! Oh yeah. What? Did you bring him over because he's your number one favorite of all your figurines? No, I think Darth Vader's my favorite and I didn't bring him here because he takes two hands. He's much bigger. He's the deluxe, bro. He's like 14 inches. You know what I mean? Oh, I know exactly about 14 inches. Tell me about it. You know, it's heavy and it takes more effort than 7 inches does. We don't know anything about 14 inches.

We know about 6 inches now, 6 inches later if you want it. I was telling Jackie the other day. I stole it from the internet. But if you want faster, I can do faster. If you want harder, I was telling Jackie the other day. I stole it from the internet. But if you want faster, I can do faster. If you want harder, I can do harder. If you want deeper, bitch, you better be talking about philosophy. Hang on. I want to tell everybody about Gumroad again.

We mentioned them last week. We had season one of pkn as you know we we came up with this idea to put all the pkn's together in one giant block the survival trip and all all that footage all together um so that the people who were you know patrons the i i think we wanted to make sure that everybody felt like they were getting a good deal so we've got it over there um it's called gum road right right right chis Chiz what's the URL he's tight gumroad.com slash pkn yeah gumroad.com slash pkn

you can find season 1 of pkn over there and I think for one more week it's 10% off right yeah so season 1 is the coupon code it lasts for another week it's 10% off and the season is like 80 episodes so it's more than a year

it's a lot of content so 80 plus hours of content oh, it's 80 hours of just PKNs and then what is it? 12 hours of survival footage I guess something like that and how much is this? the shitload of content it's like $27 for all of it combined

so pretty cheap and there'll be a link in the description so check on that if you'd like to see all those PKNs you've been missing. Yeah. I know Harley will with all that figurine money. He'll go buy a couple copies. Harley, my son's been getting into Epic Mealtime. My wife is like, is this okay?

And I'm like, yeah, they drink, but it's mostly okay. Yeah, you know, I hadn't – It's not beer. In the last – like I hadn't had a drink in about 14 months. I haven't smoked anything. I don't smoke for months. I don't really go out much. It kind of reflects a little on Epic Mealtime.

Epic Mealtime is almost less of the Sauce Boss character. Even during the eating segments, we're actually eating the meal and talking about it. Really different from the cheeseburger bayonet, random girls on the streets episode of the old, you know what I mean, buddy? Those girls weren't random that I saw. They were handpicked.

They were random. They were off to Walmart. Those were very random girls. You know what I noticed only in the states do girls get like picked up at Walmart like that doesn't happen in Canada I've seen videos I was there live

and we did it like just girls getting picked up at Walmart is just insane to me but like I see like there's like a culture to it I see like videos and shit and they're like yo we're going to Walmart. Going to get some girls. And I don't know. All right. So the way that went down is we found a waitress at the bar.

We found the waitress at the bar. And then we had to go to Walmart to get like epic mealtime supplies. And so the waitress meets us at the Walmart with her friend in tow. And in that way, I picked up a girl at a Walmart. Yeah. And she was like, I'm going to be a lawyer. No, that was yours. That was yours.

First of all, none of them are mine. That was the one you were spending the most time. As far as I'm concerned, I saw them there and we left them there. Oh, fair enough. Okay. Well, I mean, did you guys follow up? How's the path to being an attorney going? It doesn't matter.

You've already said too much. Okay? What I'm saying is now Epic Meal Time is for the children. Your son will only be smarter the more he watches it. Also, tell him to watch my vlogs. And you know what? Also, since I've been putting in the effort, also, I'm going to tone down the swearing a little bit, too.

You know, this will be a little exercise for me. Oh. Just a mess, though. I've been watching. I effort. Also, I'm going to tone down the swearing a little bit too. This will be a little exercise for me. I've been watching. I saw some of your vlogs. You buy figurines in them. All right. Just getting it out of my system. Good, good. You guys didn't hear that, right?

No. No, no, no. We would have let you know. You wouldn't be on the call if we could have heard that. Yeah. We're very strict. We drop people quick. Highbrow.

Anyway. Yeah, that're very strict. We drop people quick. Highbrow. Anyway. Yeah, that's highbrow now. It's very highbrow. Where's the place in Canada where you'd go to hit on some girls that here we wouldn't even think about it? Like a Tim Hortons, maybe? Maybe that's because we don't have that. The ski hill. The hockey rink.

I'm not even joking. The other ones were a joke. This is a joke. You could pick up girls at Igloo Fest if you wanted in Montreal. It's like a party where people take lots of party favors and go dancing like overnight outside in the snow. So it's like a really cool...

You could pick up girls at Igloo Fest in Canada is just a funny thing to say in itself. Well, you need igloos to protect yourself from the flying hockey blocks. What kind of party favors are we talking about? It sounds like a great time to me. Sounds like a burning man with bad weather. Better weather. Fuck that desert.

A couple years ago at my peak of just being a mess, I went to Igloo Fest with one of the guys. And, like, I don't know what happened, but someone was like, yo, drink this. And I was like, bleh. And, like, ooh. And I remember, like and like, I don't know what happened, but someone was like, yo, drink this. And I was like, yeah. And like, and I remember like literally, I'm not even joking. I woke up, I had an office, like in an office space. Now we operate it in my house, but like I had an office space, like with a storefront

and everything. And then we kept our merch in the back. We had our editing bay and everything in the front and like a little filming set. And I woke up one night, well in the morning, like after Igloo Fest, butt naked. And I literally had this moment, like I woke up butt naked and I was like, hello? Hello?

Like, when did I get here? How did I get here? I didn't have a car. I'm naked and the front door was like Banging in the wind like open like people were there and left there was a mess and I was like We have anything there in the middle of the room and all of a sudden it's like oh my god. I am drug Which like is something that I almost always do after like a night of getting messed up

I like take out my phone. I'm like, oh, my God, what's on Twitter? What's on Twitter? Who did I text? What's on my Facebook page? Did I upload it to YouTube? That little panic attack? Is this coming back to you a little bit right now, Taylor?

Every day, yeah. Why? You've been there. Oh, I've been there on this show. Yeah, just made a drunk ass of myself at one point, and it's just, ugh, it's awful. Dude, I know that feeling of waking up and just that panic, you know, of that night where you wake up and there's a pit of your stomach. You're like, oh, all right, I got all my wallet, phone, keys. Oh, shit, what have I done?

What have I said? Who's seen me? Like, I used to just go through it kind of like this. I've been in, like, every episode of this for a long time running now uh we haven't missed a show in a really long long fucking time patreon yeah check them out down below but um that show my internet crapped out i was at my at my ex-girlfriend's house and it was the show the night when you got got very drunk and i went after lefty a bit and so that is the only show in any kind of recent

memory, in like two or three years, that I can actually go back to and watch that doesn't include me because I don't want to watch me. I don't like it. So I really like going back and watching that one because, you know, I'm not in it and you are great.

And most of what you're saying is true. Like 99.8% of it. I wouldn't know. The core theme of what he said was, Lefty, you are neither funny enough nor talented enough to be in the position you are in in PKA. It should be mine. That was essentially what he was telling him.

Yeah, Taylor was on as a guest that night. How did he get to there? He got wasted as fuck. So drunk. But how did it segue? The? He got wasted as fuck. So drunk. But how did it segue? Was it a second I didn't see it? Was he just like, where we all are in a second?

He must have had that in him already. Yeah, he did. That's it. You know, some people get drunk and say things they don't mean, but Taylor totally said shit that he meant at his core, and he'll deny it,

but fuck off. We don't know it's true. Lefty would say, like, nothing bad at all. He'd be like, no, well, I's true lefty would say like nothing bad at all he'd be like no well i think and taylor be like shut up you are not funny get the fuck off that's because i was being an asshole to him and every time it's been brought up i've admitted it i apologize to him because i felt like the biggest piece of shit after i watched as much of that as I could and I was like, oh, you look like the biggest asshole. You're that guy.

And now that guy is you. I think most of us understand that that's not you. We all have those feelings on the inside that are the shitty side of us. The envious, asshole, angry, rageful side of us. It's like, fuck you for being

you or whatever you're doing. But we don't voice that because our morals get between us. I think about that when I see a lip ring. I think that it was just my drunk brain going down a rabbit hole because it lost something to say. I'd never even thought about fucking Lefty before

that. Not once. I'd never thought of him as a bad guy. I didn't know anything about him. I would have talked to him about hockey if I knew he was a fucking Chicago fan at the time. I think subconsciously you did, though. I think so, too. That is possible, but I don't... Well, that's why I'd be subconscious, because I don't think that I did. Yeah, sometimes you have the thoughts, and they'll come up

for a second and be like, no, don't think that. That's horrible. But then, you know, when you get to that perfect cruise on the buzz, you're like, you know what? That little voice, bring him back. We're gonna let him talk tonight. It was great. And I feel bad for Lefty too.

I don't have any hate in my heart for Lefty anymore. But it was funny. Undoubtedly hilarious. It was funny. I like shit like that. We should do a drinking episode. We should play a drinking game. We should play a drinking game. That's what we should do.

A drinking game where shots of something tame are involved. I'm down. Like, for me, Jägermeister is kind of like root beer. Like, I can just sip it. Like, I enjoy it. It just tastes like a bunch of licorice. I like that. I like licorice.

Oh, I'm not a licorice fan. Like, so I'd like to do something on theice. I like that. I like licorice. Oh, I'm not a licorice fan. Like, so I'd like to do something on the same alcoholic level as that. I don't like sipping beer all night. I'm pissing the whole time, and like I get a weird hangover if I drink too many, and I just don't like drinking all that beer. Beer? Beer? I love

beer. Cut it off like at 24, when I was 24 years old, and now I'm 30 I like one night had like five beers and like woke up and like just had this gut I was like I'm like beer makes you fat yeah and like I had this moment where I'm like you know like looked up the like information of beer the nutritional information I was like this isn this isn't going to work anymore. You're drinking bread. Yeah, exactly. And I would much rather just eat bread. Yeah.

Bread's good shit. Get some of those breadsticks. Yeah, that'd be much better. I remember I was trying to drink really clean for a while, so I'd just drink vodka. And like, when you hit the wall with that, kind of like I did with Jack Daniels a year into Epic Meal time, and I was like, I'm on vodka now. I got I hit that wall.

You can never go back. Like now, like vodka, like a shot of it or anything. I'm just like, oh, it was gross. You want to mean like a wall? You were drinking it so much that now even the thought of it forces you out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like two weeks, two days a weekend, every week, you Friday Saturday I hit my vodka wall junior prom fucking like 2002 I had a slushie machine in this chick's basement it was the kind that's like always circulating like a slush a slurry of ice and colored sugar water and then you hit a button

and it like and I dumped two bottles of Mr. Boston hit a button and it like and like you get a thing of it and i dumped two bottles of mr boston in that shit and it tasted like candy and i sat there and drank and drank oh my god no way to know how much alcohol i ingested but i just remember like too much yeah i was vomiting all night and the funny thing is like the the the girl whose house we were at much later in life as an adult playing poker in a shady cash game

I see her dad and her dad's like hey I remember you you was that little fella who was sick on the bathroom floor all night and I'm like yes sir that little fella thank you for bringing me those salty crackers and that water.

And those memories. Thank you. You weren't looking to wash my vomiting mouth just to pretend like that didn't happen. And yeah, that was awful. So I ruined vodka for myself as a fucking teenager. But I really like tequila and I really like Jaeger if I'm going to drink something. But not beer anymore. I'd rather not do beer.

But I'm down to do some sort of drinking game, drinking episode, drinking anything. Well, we'd have to agree on something uniform to drink because otherwise – and it can't just be like Kyle decides on something, and then I'm like, oh, this is something similar. It's got to be the same. Down to the brand, the name, and the bottle size. And we've got to shoe-nice it. We've got to go crack, crack, crack right and we got a shoe nice it we got to go

crack crack crack right there and then go keep it in frame gotta keep it in frame and pay the rent like and do it like that whatever you have a shoe nice story like like didn't you have some interaction with him yeah so i uh early on i remember like you know you get this audience and you're like you're not sure what to do with it. And I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with this Epic Mealtime brand. I'm like, oh, maybe I'll make a team of people that have channels that are up and coming and we'll pair up together and figure something out. And so I saw Shoenice early. I was watching his first videos.

I'm like, this guy's insane. I was sending it to people and he had like 10,000 views. And I ended up getting his phone number. And if you think that guy's crazy in his videos, let me just say he's well-behaved there. We've corresponded on Twitter quite a bit, he and I. What did he do? At least that's the type. I called him and I was like, hey, Shoe Nice, my name's Harley.

I have this show, Epic Meal Time. And, like, it's really loud where he is. And he was just like, what? He's like, who is it? And I'm like, it's Harley from Epic Meal Time. And, you know, I just wanted to talk. And he was like, listen to me. And then he hung up.

And I was like, okay. And I chilled. And then 10 minutes later, my I was like, okay. And I chilled. And then 10 minutes later, my phone rang, and it was him. And I was like, hello? Now it's completely quiet. And his demeanor was entirely different. He was like, what?

Who is this? Now he's like, yo, what up? And I was like, hello? He's like, it's too nice. And I'm just like, oh, okay. Did he just go gangster on me? happened like where is he now it's like quiet it's weird uh and i'm like hey man i uh i was just calling because i thought uh you know what you're doing and like what we're doing maybe there's some sort of uh bigger uh collaborative thing we could do maybe we can meet up and discuss a few and And he literally, it sounded like

this woman came in the room and started yelling at him. And then he started yelling at her. And now I'm listening and I hear him yell at this woman and the woman yell at him and I just literally have spoken to this guy for 45 seconds. And now all I'm thinking is like, man,

this is the show. Whatever's going on with him right now, that's the show. The eating of the tampons, that's just the icing on the cake. Whatever's going on now, like, that's the real deal. And called him a couple other times, and literally every time was, like, such a wild card conversation that they never lasted more than 20 seconds until he just hung up on me and his phone or he wouldn't answer after that and then he didn't talk for like two months didn't didn't

i couldn't call his number it was a different number he didn't call me whatever and then like he just went on twitter and just started talking smack out of nowhere once i'm like what's going on here i remember that he's just insulting me like I said earlier to you guys before we started recording, like I have this habit of just being like, what? This bitch wants to go in? I'm ready right now. And so like I started like going in on him. And then it got like weird.

He was like, I'm going to fight you. And then he's like started uploading videos of him training to fight. Wait, when the hell was this? And he was doing push-ups and hitting the punching bag. Like four years ago? Really old and drunk. And so I was looking at him, I'm like, oh my god. I'm tripping.

I'm like, what if Shoe Nice dies training to fight me for a fight that would never happen? And then I'm tripping out. I killed Shoe Nice by somehow calling him to work together. And he took it as fighting words in some messed up world that he's living in? And he started insulting me. Me insulting him back on Twitter, he started training to fight me. What if he has a heart attack? The guy's eating a thousand tampons, cigarettes, and full bottles.

I'm like, but I'm going to be the one that kills him. And I'm tripping out. I'm like, oh my god. Anyways, now when people talk smack to me on the internet... Did everyone else lose him? Oh, we lost your audio. You went quiet. Harley? Did you know what happened?

He did that intentionally, I think. He looks like he's trying to figure it out. The last thing we heard was now when people talk smack to me on the internet and then it just – Can you hear me now? Yes. Yes. You hear me?

Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So now when people talk smack to me on the internet, I'm not like, oh, F your mom or anything like that. Now I'm like – I guess because I'm 30, I'm like, hey, buddy. What's this really about?

Can I help you? Like, is there something going on? Do you need the sauce bosses? You're trying to be Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting. It's not your fault. Yeah. I'm not, like, I'm not, you know, I'm not going to go in and, like, insult you. I don't think I've ever gone in an insult match with a random on the internet and lost, but I always lose a piece of myself because I say really mean

shit to them. I'm like, you know, I'll like, I'll go deep. I'll like pull up a picture of their girlfriend. I'll be like, oh, what? I'll be like, that's your girl? I'm going to cuck you, you beta. And then after I'm just like, I shouldn't have said that. He's not, he's insulting me because he's not doing anything with his life. Why would I go and insult that? Instead, I'm just like, hey, man, what's going on? You want a job? Is that what this is?

You want me to give you a job? And that's all. I was trying to, like, take that higher road, but I still ended up coming off condescending and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, the high road of condescendingly offering them a job. Yeah. The whole, like, I'm better than you. I have this to offer, but in my power, I will withhold. Yeah.

I'm like, hey, let's go look at ourselves in the mirror and figure out who we are. Right? Got a couple of links on Monster for you. Hope this helps. Like, senior dishwasher yeah go to his linkedin profile and rewrite some of his stuff here it looks better this way here you just you give them like a helpful resume yeah yeah i condensed it for you and i took that old stuff out of there they don't they're not looking for that anymore the flyers just tied their game the flyers tied up yeah that's big

news man i'm sorry before the game started we were watching god the flyers were down stop kyle gave me a sec the flyers were down 3-1 i thought it'd be interesting because the game is actively happening as we record this you guys i guess know the score but um the flyers have been trying to lose their way into the playoffs like they're on a two-game losing streak but fortunately everyone else that they're competing with for the spot is also losing and uh it looks like they're trying something new they're scoring goals and not giving up goals yeah boston detroit and philly are we're all like four days ago desperate and everybody is like they got a fight to win all of them are going to be doing, like, so hard, just fucking fighting for those goals to win,

making the playoffs. All of them have lost every game since. Or no, no, because one of them played each other, so they had to win at one point. But good Lord. Yeah, I thought Philly was going to make it, but they're not looking too good anymore. Well, they are looking better now.

Better now, yeah. They're playing Chicago right now. There's one minute left in the game, as I say this, and it's tied. So they're probably going to get a point out of this. Maybe two. What's Detroit doing? Did they lose to Boston?

Let's see. Oh, no. 3-1, end of second. Being the only Canadian and also the least interested in hockey. I think Kyle might have you for least interested. It's so disappointing to me when I found out you were Canadian, and it was the first time that you were going to be on the show.

And I'm like, fucking finally. He's from Canada. He has to at least have the cursory knowledge and kind of care. And then I bring it up the first time, wanting to have a conversation about like past cops like nah nah Star Wars figurines sick boba fett series one I think I think the last time I watched a hockey game on TV they had that yellow overlay on the puck and it was fun was like 1997 yeah there you go yeah so it's been a hot second.

One year and then they were like, that's a bad idea. Yeah, but I mean before HDTVs it was fucking hard to watch hockey on TV. On those like boob tube screens where you like put your hand on it and you feel that fuzzy static. Yeah. I miss that. Kids today will never get that, you know. They'll never feel that

staticky screen and wonder at the energy that's being beamed into them constantly but they'll also never walk in on their siblings tearing the vhs tape out they're like wow i can literally feel the radiation coming off this thing i sit three feet from all day every day hmm couldn't be a problem we have cell phones oh these are these are nothing right, so these are... It's such a minuscule amount of radiation. The cell phone my dad had when I was a kid was one of those that was in, like, a pouch,

and it was, like, Velcro. Bag phone. And, yeah, bag phone. You had to... Uranium battery. Yeah, yes. It was a big brick fucking God-knows-what powering it battery, like radium or some shit.

It glowed in the dark, and it was also plugged into the cigarette lighter continuously like you couldn't you couldn't unplug it i don't think like it needed that much power it needed like your 12 volt and a huge booster battery that was probably top of the line for the day and could have power it was probably in the our spy satellites or something that was like back in the car phone that's what it was yeah car phone and my dad was pretty pimp for having one at the time I remember like nobody else's dad had one my dad my dad where it was so it was like a magic power like we'd be somewhere

and somebody like I need to call I gotta get home I gotta find out about this or somebody would need to make a call and dad's like order dad's like I got this right here like they're like what do you mean is that a cb radio no it calls motherfuckers like not my dad all of our dads had car phones woody you probably were someone who had a car phone and you thought it was like the shit when you first got it right uh so my father had the car phone i was like 15 or 13 or something like that when he first got it and unlike kyle's dad there was no like showing it to friends or whatever it was like this is dad's phone it apparently costs like 15 to 18 thousand dollars a minute to use this fucking

thing he would call on the way home from work and be like honey yep 18 minutes away uh you know dinner on the table she's like roger and then hang up and those were like the only calls he made on that phone i remember it was it was i think he paid like a flat dollar amount and got like x amount of minutes but you know it was like 100 minutes or something or something like that for the month and you're right you didn't you didn't do a whole long drawn out thing but if he needed to place an order for something or if he needed to like make a call and check on an auto part or Whatever the fuck you know I mean the things we use cell phones now and nowadays instead of driving back home We're looking for a payphone and we're in a rural area here. There aren't any payphones

It was just like magic and it still is these are the self the smartphone is the is the greatest invention ever right like does Anything trump the smartphone I was thinking about that. The smartphone is amazing. As smart as any man has ever been. This makes me as smart as any... But not really. Yes, really. That's like a double-edged sword, though. Practically speaking, it does.

If I need to do a thing, then I'll get the knowledge right. I could find out how to build a nuclear weapon with this. I could find out how to repair my engine with this. I could rewire my house. I could build a house. I could build a paper mill. It's hard to figure out where the smartphone starts and where the internet ends, right? Like I was thinking to myself, like what's the bigger deal, the smartphone or the internet?

I guess it'd have to be the internet. The smartphone is just a bullshit palm pilot. That's just the medium. It's your calendar. Yeah, that's like saying computer monitors are amazing computer monitors do these great things they disagree go on disagree I feel like this is your all-in-one shop this does every fucking thing this does a whole Radio Shack cat catalog full of shit all in one little package it's only interesting because it's connected to the internet I

disagree I think it would be interesting if it just contacted any human being on the planet at will that's pretty fucking cool to me and being able to send them a text message at the fucking speed of light like that that shit's cool to me well you know roughly but the the the fact that it accesses the internet is just one better thing the internet is incredible and you're right it's it's it's it's what makes it possible to do the thing. So you've got a good point, but I feel like the smartphone is what lets every man do it. If you take the internet away from the smartphone, it's still like the best, most advanced portable music player. It's like the best camera for its size. If you download movies onto it or just put them on with like not including the internet you know or apps that don't have to run on the

internet it's like an amazing little computer it's like ten things in one but it just goes hand in hand with the internet I only stream the internet internet doesn't count internet is like that's not it's not fair the internet is too much well I feel like we haven't even tapped into what the internet could be still. You know what I mean? Right? Like the internet, I remember when the internet was new, it was like, ooh, is this bigger than the printing press?

Could it possibly be? And I was like, wow, this really might compare with the printing press. This is a way for like the everyman to like get his message out to the whole world. And that's no joke, right? Like, Taylor, you're unmuted or something. message out to the whole world. And that's no joke, right? Like, Taylor, you're unmuted or something. But the printing press changed the way that knowledge gets out because suddenly, like, ordinary people could afford books. And, you know, semi-ordinary people could put, you know, have their word duplicated and sent out. The internet took that and multiplied it by a hundred.

But the internet in your pocket does a whole nother thing suddenly it's the way i consume most of my entertainment it's the way that i listen to music it's the way i find my way around it's the way i answer all my questions the number one thing that i i think the most powerful thing it does is empower me it makes me be able to do anything virtually that i mean i mean all right i can't i can't pole vault you vault over a building. I can't do anything. But anything that any normal man with my same qualities can do. If I need to work on my car, I do it a lot with my car. Anytime I've got to do something that I've never done before,

I watch a quick eight-minute video, and all of a sudden I have the knowledge of this literal expert. I just watch an expert do it, and he'll be like, you may want a long screwdriver for this. It'll make job easier and you're like yeah he learned that because he did it 15 fucking times and he learned a long screwdriver is the trick that's it you're if you go back to 1989 with your smartphone connected to today's internet you're the smartest man in the world yeah oh and you know what another thing and this is like you know something like i remember being in high school and like fighting my friends like we're all in four of us in an argument and it's something dumb.

Like a Nissan Altima is $25,000. It's like, no, my dad used to have one. It's $32,000 idiot. And it's like, no. And like,

we'd argue over like the price of a Nissan Altima in high school. Cause you're just, and it was just such a dumb thing. And even now I think about it. I'm like, why didn't any of us, I I'm like why didn't any of us I'm like why didn't any of us walk to the library which is right in school and get on the computer and google but when I was younger and I knew of the internet the last thing I ever did was

google something or search something I never thought to be like you know when I was like first started going to the gym and working out I never thought to be like what are good workouts for my shoulders i never thought like that now in a second i'm so dependent on the phone i'll take it out all the time kids are also like i'll watch like kids will do things like you know younger kids like at the gym for example they're gonna be so much bigger and in better shape because they're better informed like they have all this information at like the palm of their hands and people like you know they give a lot of people give a lot of slack to like flack to younger

kids these days they're like oh they're always addicted to their phones and they're like yeah they're learning shit they're actually a lot of times sometimes they type like idiots and they waste a lot of time on instagram but like i see kids like when they're dedicated to something like for example like nutrition eating better like they're just so much more informed because you don't have to go to a library and take out a book you just pull out your phone you're like boop boop boop and you have the answers right away you know and uh I don't know that's that's the thing about the phones that's interesting is like educationally it actually inspires people to just you know take control of their information gather more information people like learning i notice that these days yeah i think that started with writing you know as soon as we figured out writing and you were

able to pass down your uh your knowledge to to people who you know your descendants and it wasn't just word of mouth anymore because you know we know how that goes I could tell you a story you tell what the story will be the same fucking story so it's gonna be hard for me to tell my ancestors had a be carpenters you think it seems to be right writing it I be helped us evolve you think that just like people when the internet was just coming around there people like this will be done like you know or are that internet CEO who was like TV's coming back you know online streaming a way of the past like totally

blinders on to the future like i wonder if the first guy to be like dude if i take two x's like this and i know that means there's a monster coming to get our wives and you know that and if i write that down on a cave we know not to stay in that cave. Like, were there a bunch of naysayers like, oh, Jesus, newfangled signs and scratches on walls. We can't handle it. We already are hooting at each other. That's not good enough. There's probably always someone,

always someone standing in the way of progress, even back then. I don't know why I thought about that. I think I just, I read something on Reddit this week that there's only been like a handful of written languages ever. I think it's like... That can't be true, can it? Yes. There's a ton now.

Well, right? Original systems. Alphabets. Oh. Yeah, like a bunch of languages share the same alphabet, so... Oh. I've got a topic go ahead sure did you guys hear about uh marco and his partner getting sued losing not they didn't get sued for they awarded

them they awarded the other guys 20 million dollars in damages who's more what you know all right so here let me uh i'm gonna try and read this uh fairly quickly it's pretty long $20 million in damages? Who's Marcos? You know Marcos. All right. So here, let me, I'm going to try and read this fairly quickly. It's pretty long. On Friday, April 1st, another dispute regarding

channel ownerships and rights reached a sizable verdict. $20 million in damages awarded to the plaintiffs, as well as controlling interest in the YouTube channel Video Games. The case was filed in 2014 by David Tyler Moss, known as Ty Moss, and former Maker Studios shareholder Brandon Keating

against YouTubers Marco Precip and Brian Martin. Kyle, I know you know Marco. I think he has BO. Oh, is that the guy who smells? It's amazing how we are as humans, right i i see someone pick their nose once and nothing else matters if i get the guy that we have never revealed we have never actually revealed who the smelly person was on that trip so i i okay if you say that was marco um but uh but i just felt like it was mean to label him as the smelly guy. It is mean to label someone as the smelly guy. Maybe he no longer smells.

That was years ago. Anyway, this thing goes into it. Apparently, according to this article on thevideolink.com, he's been widely regarded as kind of shady. And what he did is he promised like pieces of this channel to people in exchange for content. And then he just, I'm sorry, in exchange for like ownership of the channel or a piece of the channel. And then he never did it. So there's been a bunch of guys like who were also in that situation. Like, oh yeah, that guy ripped me off too. That guy ripped me off too on Twitter going wild about this verdict. And I don't want to get people wrong, but I think – was QuibbleCop one of them?

KSI? Chiz, do you know? Allie A and QuibbleCop and KSI. QuibbleCop, were you led astray by this man, QuibbleCop? He told me that I gave him the content and then he put it up on the site and he not tell me that I make the content. And so I gave it to him and then he put it up on the site and he not tell me that I make the content and so I give it to him and then he put it up. Did you sign a written contract with him?

I signed the contract, I do everything he say. Let me ask you this, when you signed the contract, did he give you anything to eat or drink beforehand? I had been, he had given drug. Now I'm starting to lose it. So, from the case details and evidence, it appears that Marco, who's had various YouTube

channels shut down over the years, including Team Noble, and Martin, who operates his YouTube channel, Futuristic Hub, both had a history of deception in the YouTube world. An unfortunate byproduct of measuring the YouTube economy is to offer openings for con men and crooks, as evidenced by this case.

Marco and Precip may be anomalies to the industry as a whole, but the rule will undoubtedly cause future independent creators to think twice about deal terms. So, yeah, I don't know what happens. I'm sure this channel didn't earn $20 million. It's doing pretty well.

It has like 3 million subs, but the videos tend to get like 50,000 to 90 90 thousand views a pop. How many videos a day? I'd have to check. The name of the channel is just Video Games? Yeah, that's the real beauty. They kind of squatted on an amazing channel name.

The answer is it looks like maybe three or four videos a week okay that's a lot of money yeah profitable YouTube channel of all time he's making almost a video one two three so they did five videos in the last week, and it's averaging 100,000-ish views, maybe a little less. And, you know, so you could make a living off it. But $20 million, it's not earning that. It probably hasn't earned that in its whole life. It's probably 20 years from making that. It said the evidence showed that video games YouTube had 813 million clicks

and was paid $3 per 1,000 clicks or $2.5 million for the advertising on the site plus more than $1.5 million in future earnings and $16 million in punitive damages. Whoa. Guys, your country. That doesn't happen here. In my country, there's a problem.

There's no... And $16 million for hurting my feelings. Well, that was for the stealing of it, right? That's so much money. It's not just for that. It's to let anybody else that might want to hurt some feelings know they better not fuck around cheese

You got fucked out of ownership, too He's writing it. She's just like fact-checking and stuff He started the channel with Marco Cheers Cheers better get a lot start a class action class action get the civil suit rolling come on Yep, he said yep. Well then what do you how do you how are you not in on that? Why are you in court? Why are you in a courtroom somewhere? Yeah, speak to an attorney right now Cliff talk to him. You're a video game attorney No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm completely out of my jurisdiction. This is right up your alley, Cliff. This is not in my wheelhouse.

I specialize in video game release dates and policy therein. This is bullshit. Such specific video game law. What a goddamn shame. He's really a release date specialist. Yeah. I mostly specialize in bird law. I'm sorry.

I really cuffed here. But yeah, I feel like it seems like there's a lot of people on YouTube who are like, right, they promised me a piece of this. They promised that. It hits right here with Chiz, Equival Cop, Allie, KSI. Everyone seems to be celebrating this loss that they had. Marco and whoever, Futuristic Hub, don't seem to have – they seem to have a lot more people who feel wronged in their wake than friends.

I don't know. This is interesting. It says the case took an additional twist after the verdict when the judge ordered Martin and his lawyers to appear in court Tuesday to explain a Twitter message Martin allegedly sent out Friday night after the verdict, inviting video game directors to upload pornography to the YouTube channel. So I guess he was just like, let's bring the whole channel down. Wow, why do that? Like, YouTube's

gonna be like, oh, it's not salvageable, fuck. Yeah, right? YouTube.com slash video games, gone forever. Ah, rats, should've seen this coming games. Gone forever. Ah, rats. Should have seen this coming. That's nonsense. Well, it seems like he's a real asshole and that he's getting what's coming, but it also seems like he's getting maybe a little more to what's coming,

unless I'm misunderstanding what he fully did. Because that's a lot of fucking money. Is this one of those McDonald's lawsuits where they award $20 million and then on appeal they knock it down to like 600,000 that mcdonald's did that happen it's like with the hot coffee at this the hot coffee mcdonald's at this point it's almost a trope that somebody has to explain that it wasn't ridiculous when someone brings it up but if you actually look that case up it wasn't ridiculous they gave her a cup of boiling water if you look at her if you look at her vagina, where she was burned, so severe.

Even before the boiling, I actually read it, and this is the internal communication that I read from this book, just a reference book, brought up the story. Internal communication within McDonald's ended up screwing them over in this case because what happened was McDonald's noticed, and these numbers are going to be a little off but you get the point of what I'm saying anyways, McDonald's noticed that the average time someone spends in a McDonald's is 15 minutes. So you go in, you order your food, you eat and you're done and paid and everything within 15 minutes of getting your food. So what they did was they would heat their coffee up and they said their coffee is free refills.

You get free refills of coffee at McDonald's. But they heated their coffee up to like 106 degrees Celsius, like above boiling, so that when you got it, it took 18 minutes for it to be drinkable. So you would never refill your coffee. Your coffee is only good to drink after you've left McDonald's for about three minutes based on the average time. Now that's their internal communication. That was their strategy for their free refills, not having to pay for coffee because they're going to make it so hot people can't drink it while they're there. This old woman comes in.

She gets her coffee. She spills it on her legs. Her legs areished you could look at her legs they're horrible and scary and her crotch she said she asked for mcdonald's she said and the numbers might be off again she was like i need sixty thousand dollars for my medical bills and mcdonald's were like was like yeah well you're gonna get 15 and that's all we're doing for you and apparently she's not like a poor woman um and she said that she was like okay well i just want the 60 000 for my legs and they were like yeah well you're only getting 15 000 coffee's hot bitch i thought you knew and then she came in hard with team of lawyers they they found like all the the

emails internally came out and that's what helped the ruling where it was like oh you were just trying to be disgusting and make a huge profit and do your free refills and sneaky sneak your customers but at the same time you made it really dangerous for anyone that came in like your coffee is not just hot your coffee is so hot people can't drink it so that you could advertise free refills and so that was basically how it ended up biting them in the ass and it's also because of greed like they could have just like it's i sometimes wonder when someone's like i need sixty thousand dollars i'm like you're mcdonald's why won't you give sixty thousand dollars000? What's $15,000 to $16,000 when you're McDonald's?

It's like an accounting error or rounding up your accounting. It's de minimis. I bet they would do that right now that this story never existed. Why wouldn't you just do it to try and nip it in the bud? Harley, I've heard this story a hundred times. That was the best explanation I've ever heard in my life. Right there, bro. I used to be a teacher, you know? that makes perfect sense yeah that was great that was really really

great i take your class thank you i feel like i should be the best at telling the mcdonald's stories though like that's just my brand and how much, like, I'm wearing a shirt that says Obesity or anything. You know what I mean? You're one of their biggest clients. I'm wearing a McDonald's-inspired shirt right now. Do you have any dirt on any of the other franchises? Did, like, Dave Thomas keep sex slaves in the basement? Did the fucking Filipino?

I do have a funny story. I worked with Wendy's recently. I do have a funny story. I worked with Wendy's recently. And when I went to Wendy's headquarters, they were like, yeah, we were going to work with you don't even know that i'll delete it but uh yeah you know side note wendy's in canada is like one of the best fast foods in canada dude it doesn't taste quite the same in the states but yeah in canada i looked into buying a wendy's the wendy's in my i used to live in apex and uh they were selling the wendy's and it was a successful store. Just by foot traffic and stuff. I was like, oh, this thing's doing well.

$3 million for that Wendy's. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And you know how much a Chick-fil-A is? $400,000. But you have to run through their whole rigmarole of qualifications and whatnot. You're also not open on Sundays.

Yeah. Have you ever seen a Chick-fil-A that's not packed when it's open? I don't know why.. Yeah, have you ever seen a chick-fil-a? That's not packed When it's open, I don't know never just a slow run through chick-fil-a. It's got like smiling Mormon looking fuck That's just way out. I love that hate chicken that hate chicken is They make chicken into a sweet somehow like it's it's like lightly breaded and crispy But the meat is still juicy and delicious and sweet somehow it's lightly breaded and crispy, but the meat is still juicy and delicious and sweet somehow. It's great.

I don't like pickles on my sandwiches or burgers or anything, but Chick-fil-A, I keep that pickle in. Like it's important. The pickle in that is important. It's crazy. It's like it's really great. And I remember when they had their whole like, you know, hate homosexuals thing going on. I was like, God damn. Like now I can't tweet about it when I go to Chick-fil-A and

enjoy a burger. And at the end of the day, it's like it's not all the Chick-fil-A's. It's like the dude who runs Chick-fil-A. That's like me not buying a drill from Home Depot because I heard the manager say gook on the way in. Where I'm like, well, someone's headed to Lowe's. So, actually, what

the Chick-fil-A guy was doing with his money was like funneling it overseas to one of those African countries where they had one of those kill the gays like political bills. And he's funding that campaign, a campaign that's literally about punishing gay people with death. That can't be true. The chicken is too good. That's what I tell myself every time. Like I still eat that shit. I got several gay friends. I eat that chicken, though, and so do they.

So do they. It's delicious. I will eat that chicken patty bathed in the blood of Kangani's children. I love that shit. It's fucking delicious. I don't care what's on it. I didn't know they did that, though. If I like something, and I find out they hate Jews but I like their food, I'll just go in there and not tell them I'm Jewish so they don't spit in my food.

Good call. That's it. That's the thing about people, especially us in Western culture, is we're very out of sight, out of mind. So it's like we can pick Chick-fil-A apart for like, oh yeah, like, you know, this reason, but it's also a fast food restaurant. There's a billion other reasons to pick it apart. You know, almost every single thing, like we were just praising the iPhone because, you know, or, you know what I mean? I'll, I'll get flack on Epic Mealtime for it's like, oh my God, such a waste of food. You know what I mean? And it's like, yeah, you're sitting at

your computer, get your ass up and go volunteer at the soup kitchen then you know what i mean it's like people are very out of sight out of mind so it's like if you don't see it where you don't like feel it but all you know is that chick-fil-a tastes so good it's so easy to forget about everything else you're like i'm just gonna enjoy this for three bucks i like gay people you know what i mean i also like this chicken sandwich i remember this is this is sort of connected. I was thinking about the anti-Semitism that got to me. On the Howard Stern Show a while back, they had a prank phone call. It's been a while back. They call a McDonald's in Libya, and this is right about the time a lot of shit was going off in Libya. And they were basically asking, they were like, hey, I'm American. Would it be okay for me to come to your McDonald's and eat?

Am I going to be in any danger? And the guy's like, oh, no. Oh, no. Yes, of course you can come. You can eat in our McDonald's. Of course. You'll get good service. Absolutely. We don't hate Americans. We hate America. We hate the government of America and what they do. And he's like, oh, well, that's good to know. Good to know. What about Jews? And the guy's like, no fucking Jews. No Jews. No absolutely not he's he's like what would what would happen if a jew came would you would you cut their head off we cut their head off and deep fry it you know losing his shit about the jews like like he was he was supposed to have americans there like anybody everybody i think he asked about a couple of groups but when he got to jews the guy was like oh and this is just you know mcdonald's worker like this is him on the phone at mcdonald's at work he's like oh yeah no jews

like he's not even tampering his voice he's not even like keeping it quiet the guy's like no jews not again where was that which one was that uh? It's Sal from the Stern Show calls McDonald's in Libya. Okay, that's such a good t-shirt, like a Libyan McDonald's t-shirt that just says no Jews. Over one million burgers sold, not to a single Jew. Not to a single Jew served here. Yeah, zero Jews served at this establishment. I want to hear your thoughts on the current American political race, both as a Canadian and as a Jewish man,

because Israel's place in the whole thing, I think, falls into play a little bit, too. I don't know if you know, are the current candidates – they went to that – I don't remember. Chis, what was the thing called with all the – The Jewish like super PAC thing that they went and spoke in front of all the rabbis and stuff? AIPAC. Yeah, yeah. So I want to hear your thoughts on the current race with Trump and Cruz and Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.

on the current race with Trump and Cruz and Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders? So I don't know much about politics. And I remember like about a year ago, Trump announcing it. And like, I remember like saying to a buddy of mine who's like pretty deep in politics. I'm like, hey, man, talk to me. Can Trump become president? And he was like, no, no, no, no. It's like, it's so stupid. Like, yeah, no, he can't because this, that,

and he would never and blah, blah, blah. And then it's like a year later and I'm calling him up and I'm like, dude, what's happening? I'm like, is this real life? Like, will there be like a USS Trump, like rocket ship sent into space? Like, is this like, is the future going to be as crazy

as it sounds like is it going to be like trump nation he's like that's where it's going and i was shocked at like but i wasn't shocked like i can understand if i if i could be completely stereotypical to americans for a second you guys do that shit to canadians all the time so you apologize afterwards i wouldn't be shocked if a majority of people in the middle of the USA sit down. They don't know much about

politics, would look at Trump and be like, yeah, he's rich. He's American. I want to make America great again. I'm voting for him. Bernie Sanders, what is that some Jew no not gonna do that dude it's not the Jew the black man run the country now we're gonna have a Jew yeah right let's make America great again rich man he I'm not surprised you know what

I mean I'm from like the middle of that country area and like just from talking to my grandparents about it It's not they've never mentioned the Jew thing ever. I don't think they give a shit and they live in southern, Missouri But yeah, like rednecks don't even know what Jews are. Yeah, they don't care about the Jews For real. They couldn't care any less. They're like I'll be like hey, that's a Jewish temple and they'll be like I don't give a fuck and it's like alright like The only reference I had about about Jews at at all growing up was my grandmother was very religious, and she had this magnet on her refrigerator that said,

my God is a Jewish carpenter or something like that. And she was always very pro-Israel. Those are God's chosen people, et cetera, et cetera. And she always talked about that a lot. chosen people, etc., etc., and she always talked about that a lot. I never had this idea of the... of anti-Semitism at all.

They hate the socialist part. They hate that. But the Jew part doesn't play into it at all, at least from what they've explained to me, them and their fellow elderly people's opinions. I didn't understand why someone would discriminate against... I was like, but why? It's like discriminating against gingers or something. I don't understand why someone would discriminate against... I was like, but why? That's like discriminating against gingers or something.

I don't get it. Why? And then I met Harley and I understood right away. Oh, I see. Now, real solution! I was like, give me your monies! Give me your fucking monies! Yeah, no, that's true. Obviously jews have been hated for a long time

across history why do you think that is uh because they're fucking greedy obviously it's because it's because traditionally they've been in the money lending business and usury as it as it was known has has long been sort of a forbidden thing. I have my own theory. No, this is true. This is a good explanation, Kyle. I know. It's the explanation. Yeah, keep going. It's that they were in the money lending

business, and that was a thing that was considered low class. It was not a thing to do. They were looked down upon because of that. It was seen as shameless, I think. It was during the Roman times where they got assigned that job, right? not a thing to do it was they were looked down upon because of that in many areas shameless i think yeah it was during the roman times where they got assigned that job right where they were like ah well everybody's gonna hate this guy let's make a jew do it um i don't know about that but i know that youdry uh i've always considered to be the core of it that and that you know it's a

tight-knit population that kind of uh keeps the money within that population and often doesn't uh you know especially in european countries like germany that's where i was headed um like right now my bank isn't a religion at all like it like my i know my bank doesn't have a religion like wells fargo what is it christian jewish like i don't know it's a company it's what it is and then I feel like it's up in there mad Jews touching your money yeah they go in there and they go into your account and they touch all your money I don't know I don't think so

just for the sake of it just kind of you know that smell that pennies have that's Jew spit I think that what the reality is is that Jewish people sometimes don't meld like they culturally they make it a priority what are you guys doing culturally they make it a priority to like sort of keep it within themselves right i growing up because i i grew up with a lot of jewish people

i don't think you guys did but in new jersey i did okay you did a good number of jewish people yeah i mean i i don't even know how many bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs I've been to, like a bunch. Too many. And, but like if you thought a Jewish girl was cute, she couldn't date you. Like that was not on the table in Jersey. Yeah. And they, yeah, you wouldn't date a Gentile. And you certainly, certainly wouldn't marry one.

Yeah, you wouldn't date a Gentile. And you certainly, certainly wouldn't marry one. And at least in the Northeast, they work hard to keep the community kind of separate and isolated and keep that alive. They're not interested in being melting. They're interested in more of a salad than a melting pot. And I think that that is part of where the – Probably a bagel on the side, if we're being honest. Right. But if you look at like the Irish culture, the Italian culture, the English culture, whatever, they all just sort of melt in and turn into whatever.

But the Jewish culture remains intact. Well, you know what? I think as a Jew and someone that has thought about it a lot, I think you're both right in that sense. right in that sense is that there have been times when like you know a lot of problems throughout history the the first thing that will be the problem is money and then you look at the people that are involved in the money and just through history like jews have been good with money and to this day they're still good with money you know what i mean like i like you know what i mean like i look at like some of the best accountants in my city and, like, yeah, like, a lot of them are Jewish names. You know what I mean?

And, like, so it is a money thing. You know, even, like, in Germany, it was, like, right away when things started to go bad for Germany, it was like, oh, wow, look who's touching all the money, the Jews. So that's how all this got messed up. All the Jews were touching money. Take all their money. Take all of gold let's let's figure this out let's control the jews and you know what i mean like it starts there and then after that you know because before that you know a lot of people could be secluded in their areas but you know now is like you know when i come to the usa i notice one thing in in the states it's like you are in America now. This is America. You know, you start your day off in the classroom. You pledge allegiance to the flag like there's nothing similar to that in Canada. Irish people, Italian people, Greek, big Haitian population, and everyone is who they are.

And we don't look at them and be like, yo, you're all Canadian now. If you're going to be here, you're going to be Canadian. And I think after, and I'm getting a little sidetracked, but like between Canada and the USA, like that's a difference. Like Canada is a mosaic. USA is like a melting pot. But Jews, wherever they are in the world, we're talking about like a group of people that, you know, have a culture that is ancient and has been around for so long. And then we got to this point in life not too long ago where they went from like a big portion of the population to like less than 2% of the population or 0.2% of the population. So it got to a place where not only were Jews like an ancient culture and something that's been around for so long, we also almost lost all of them.

We literally almost wiped out all the Jews out of all of existence. So after, yeah, 0.2% of the world population, after the Holocaust, what happens is, and like you're right, like Jews don't date outside of Jews. I do. And I would. And I would marry a non-Jew. I would go on love above all. But what happens is, growing up, I went to Jew camp. above all, but what happens is, growing up, I went to Jew camp. And it's really interesting,

because if you think about concentration camps, where like Hitler's taking Jews in carts and murdering them in mass, now Jews have summer camp, Jew camp, we're literally like, I've gone to Jew camp, and I've been there for years, and you go and you're Jewish boys, Jewish girls. And, you know, you do this whole Jewish culture thing, but what happens is you're 15 years old, the Jewish boys are over here, the Jewish girls are over here, and your adults at night, like your supervision, are like, all right, we're going out for the night. Don't you kids go fucking each other? And then they leave. And it's literally like you go to Jew camp. You learn how to finger girls in the woods. You get your first hand jobs.

You get your first blow jobs. All Jewish boys, Jewish girls. You're probably going to get a blow job from a Jewish girl and be like, that was the greatest ever. I love that girl. And I'm going to marry her. I love that girl and I'm going to marry her. And like, it's literally the undertone of Jew camps is to have Jews breed with Jews, to make more Jews because we've lost so many Jews

in killing camps. Let's make Jewish fuck camps. And literally Jewish summer camp is like, I remember very clearly when I was like 16 years old, I was like saying to my friends, I'm like, yo, you got to come to Jew camp. They're like, why? I'm like, because if you like a girl Jew camp. They're like, why? I'm like, cause if you like a girl

and she doesn't like you, she's trapped. And eventually she will like you cause there's no one else to like. There's like such a small- That's the implication. You're gonna get hand jobs for sure. And literally like, it's like, that's what Jew camp is, to have Jewish boys meet Jewish girls and make more Jewish babies. But like- That's a lot of what jew camp is to have jewish boys meet jewish girls and make

more jewish babies but like that's a lot of what a lot of camps are though but i don't feel like when i went to camp as a kid even if it was like religious or that they split the girls and boys up i guess they never the leaders never would leave us alone long enough that we could just go have a fucking orgy in a tent with a bunch of Jewish people, I guess. But, I mean, I think that's part of what camp is. But that does make sense. It's almost like a conspiracy. That, like, a conspiracy to get killed to fuck. No, I went to Christian camp.

There was no fucking at all. They watch us like hawks. I don't want you to fuck at Christian camp. There's plenty of you guys. Jew camp, they're like, don't go fucking each other. Nobody got laid. No one even got kissed at that camp. There's plenty of you guys. Jew camp, they're like, don't go fucking each other. Nobody got laid. No one even got kissed at that camp. It was impossible. You were never without supervision.

Well, it was certainly harder, but you could. Hell of low jobs at Jew camp, Woody. I've heard enough. How do I get into one of these fucking Jew camps? Oh, please. I could pull enough. How do I get into one of these fucking Jew camps? Kyle, you don't look like a Jew.

Oh, please, I could pull off Jew. I totally could. All I gotta say, you gotta, can you pull off Jew if you drop your pants? Yes, absolutely. Yes. I would say, just give yourself a little snip, you're good to go. I feel like it might, it sounds like it would be worth it, even if that were necessary. Yeah. Ugh.

You know, that comes up sometimes there are men who like have to get midlife uh circumcisions because their partner's giving them something about it or sometimes they've got issues where like it won't come all the way off their head like there's there's there can be issues if you're not you're uncircumcised i don't get into a whole like uncut versus cut talk because you guys out there with your nasty anteater cocks are always so up in arms for some reason with your disgusting nasty smelly shmagma penises nasty motherfuckers with more

STDs. You take your extra sensation. What he's always talking about condoms are good because you can last longer. I don't want an extra sensitive cock you moron you fucking dirty anteater pricked piece of shit. I for one am thankful you didn't get into it. Yeah. Yeah, me too.

I'm glad you avoided it. I mean, I- every time I go into it, I get so hateful. I- I'm glad I sti- I had to steer clear. I- I- I- Why do you hate the natural penis so much, Kyle? That's- there's nothing natural looking about that. There's something wrong with that. I- I don't- Have you ever seen like an elephant's ear? It's not nice looking. It's got a bunch of

fucked up patches. That's what your dick skin is like. Have you ever seen Woody's dog's ears? That's how a dog's ears are supposed to look. They're supposed to be cut and forced to point straight up and sometimes it turns out wrong. But that's okay because it's better than having an anteater cock. If you were a baby and you had the gift of speech, you would have popped out and been like, all right, take care of this.

Yes, absolutely. If I had one now, I would get it cut, especially if it was like a gross one. What if it was a normal one? I watch a lot of porn and sometimes it looks okay. It looks like it's really loose and like it's just really just shimmying up and down. And it's like, oh, wow, that looks kind of interesting. But still, still, I would get a cut.

It seems like it's better for dry masturbating. Yeah, that's what your dick skin is for. Like when you have a shirt on and you want to go up and down with your sleeve, you can go like that. If you just have skin, you can't really move it. Give yourself an Indian burn. If you guys know something, it might be a little TMI. I'm an aggressive masturbator.

Aggressive? I feel like lubricant is a must. I don't want any dry masturbation. I'm very happy with what I've got and the aesthetic that I have achieved. And been endowed through genetics, I suppose. I'm very

aggressive about it. Aggressive? What do What do you mean you bruise yourself or? Like that and like sometimes Because there isn't enough skin cuz like you know we we had some dude snip it off sometimes on the pull down Get like a perfect horizontal slit. Like a – And then I'm like, oh, god damn. Wait, I can't tell.

You're goofing, right? Come here. Of course he's kidding. He didn't skin... No. We're not kidding. I'm gonna... You're gonna see right now.

I'm gonna what? There. Yeah. Let... They're strangers. Okay. No, they're not strangers. Confirm.

Do I not... How many times have I hurt myself masturbating? Not too many. It's so weird. How is he hurting himself? He's tearing his dick skin? He's tearing his dick skin. He's tearing his dick skin. He's tearing his dick skin. He's tearing his dick skin. Do I not? How many times have I hurt myself masturbating? Not too many. It's so weird. How is he hurting himself? He's tearing his dick skin?

He's tearing his dick skin. What area is the dick skin being torn? Maybe we can figure this out with, like, torque physics. Like there. It's like, what would be facing the wall if his dick was hard enough? Okay, get out of here. Wow. It's like, you're gripping way too hard, man.

It's not even about the grip too hard. It's about the pull too hard. It's just so serious about the pull down. So the pull down is everything for you. I see. That's the climax. You can't finish without... I can't.

Dude, I go into the zone. I don't really watch much porno. I dim the lights, light some candles, fold my clothes, turn on some fucking death metal. You just beat it. When it's done, I'm like, oh, man, what happened to me? Why did I do that? Why can't I just chill? That's normal.

You always have the post-finishing where you're like, oh, what kind of person are you? Who are you? where you're like, oh, what kind of person are you? Who are you? Even when I would, because I don't do it often, I prefer the imagination. Stop me, by the way, if this is too much. I'm not close to stopping you.

When I'm browsing porn sites, so you could have straight,, she-male or gay. I'll like check off she-male and check off gay so that they won't be there and I'll just be straight. And then I'll put in bearded guy or bearded chubby guy. And what I'm looking for is a guy that's me. You want a doppelganger, a doppelganger a doppelbanger i want to find me and then whoever i'm doing whoever that guy that almost looks like me is doing every time i boot it up i'm like oh harley this is what we're getting into today harley oh my god that's wild but all right buddy you know i don't really like let myself choose it i find me, whatever I'm already doing,

I'm just like, oh, you are a freak, buddy. Let's get it. So you're like sitting there enjoying the fact that this was you doing this. You're like, oh man, look at my dick, really giving it to her. Like in that, you enjoy that. Yeah.

Superimposing yourself into it. That makes sense. I'm like, look at that chubby bearded thief. How often is the guy's face in there anyway? What's that? How often is the guy's face like that low in the screen where like when he's fucking her he just like pops in like hey just wanted to check in and then just goes back up like you know just gotta be like chubby bearded dude like just gotta almost look like me enough you know one thing that's happened to me as i've aged is at least sometimes I am just totally not interested in really, really hot chicks.

Because I feel like she wouldn't want me. She would be like, ah. Closing my door. Getting deep. This guy is like over 40. Six packs. I can't see the six pack anymore. Like, ah.

You know, the guy that she's having sex with is also a perfect specimen. I need some MILF porn, right? That chick, she'd be down for me. No, I don't think that's it. I agree with that. I think, Woody, that maybe you don't like the idea of realizing, like, the only way that it would be possible to bang that young chick is if, like, you and Jackie split up. And maybe that thought of, like, your as this minecraft millionaire slamming young chicks

it's like i don't even want to think about that i gotta wipe all that minecraft pussy i'll just stay in the build zone you know literally a little bit into danger but i'll stay in the literally so yeah that's what i feel like it well i i gotta say also like a couple things like if it's like got more than one camera if it's got professional lighting if the girl is a porn star or has like you know if it's anything produced i'm out i'm out it's gotta be like grainy ass oh they can't fool me you can't bring the ass camera hidden in the top drawer like the flash photography like like yeah it's gotta be like i'm like yo this is that yeah shit i like to know that it was filmed in 1997 but not know the time because

it's blinking 12 in the bottom i need to know that it's real to know that there was no editing no thought process it ends disappointingly you know even more so you're like oh well you see they experimented and it didn't go as planned. Like that's – I agree. That's it. Like it can't – See, there's amateur, which is all right, and then there's webcam, which is truly in my head like – I guess it's not amateur-amateur, but it's semi-pro at best, right?

These women have no training, no support crews. They're the YouTubers of the porn world. And I don't like them solo much. I like them with their guys because I'm a little gay. And there they are just doing their thing and occasionally stopping to type back to fans. But I'll give them that. You've got to earn a living. Those are the people that are truly doing this.

And they have a comfort with each other that I appreciate. A comfort? So you throw money at cam girls? No, this is all pre-recorded stuff. Somehow, for it being live, seems dirty and cheating. Pre-recorded. I'm about pre-recorded. You know what? I agree with you there.

Actually, I would argue that it is cheating if you're doing it live. Because that's like you having a real... Not a real connection because she's a sex worker but you're engaging with someone with the like if you were if there wasn't a screen between you and you're in the same room you know what you'd be doing you know right right yeah no no it's on that level of cheating even though it's not physical at all what'd you do god damn it kyle you're just no don't let people don't click that don't click that whatever you do don't click that Well I want to see it

Cam girl fuck machine yeah, she looks like she's having a lot of fun. Good call Just oh I need to get belly I need to ask Carly about belly button fucking so I get it in like eight weeks in a row. Nine weeks now. Nine now? Harley, are you familiar with what belly button fucking is? I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory, but... Yeah. Get a chick fat enough, and her belly button canal, if you will,

is long enough that it can be fucked, and we've discovered a porn... I've discovered a porn genre on my own. Doing a little digging, where these men fuck these very obese women in their belly button, and it is one of the most more disgusting, bizarre genres of pornography

that I've discovered in my hunts through the interweb. Yeah, there's no part of it that's satisfying to watch. No. It goosebumps. Can you imagine how that would feel, though? You ever, like, get some lint out of it feel though you ever like like get some Lynn out of there if you like go too deep and if you that feeling like now imagine that times a thousand cuz it's a cock ramming your belly button yeah that's the weakest part of your skin like that's like I don't even know

what's in there I don't know what's in there I have no I guess you could get a flashlight and dig around in there. What's at the bottom of my belly button? Anybody here have an Audi? No, I got an Innie. Oh, thank God. I have this one where it's an Innie, but you could see it. You could see the knot of the belly button or whatever. Yeah, you can see the knot.

I saw a guy today, and his belly button was protruding so much through his tight shirt that it was like a bit of a clit. Yeah, it was so gross. He's a nice guy and all, but damn, that was nasty. It wasn't a, what is it called? It's not a hemorrhoid, but it's like an H. A hernia. Yeah, it wasn't a hernia, was it? Something like that.

Right, his belly button. Like, he's got a big beer belly. That's what this is about. That's a place where you can get it. Tummy nipple. You could fuck hair. Fuck hair? Wait, what?

Like, wrap the hair around your cock and, like, do a... Do, like, a sawing motion? Like, when you get a bunch of... No, that sounds like it would hurt. Yeah, that's the hard... That's like a man versus wild kind of thing. You, like, you know, you take hair if it's long enough, and you can make a loop of it

and you know put it in your hand or her hand and the hair it's all hair and you just go in that and it's if you want to fuck hair you could do it when i was like when i was like 13 14 years old pre-internet learning to masturbate or whatever i was probably older because i was late bloomer anyway penthouse letters was like my preferred thing, even more so than the picture stuff, than the hustle. Penthouse letters was where it was at. And I read a story of how a guy shampooed this woman's hair to seduce her, and it worked.

She was just over the top because she was so in love with the guy and ready to go down because he shampooed her hair. So like way too late, like, you know, into my upper teens. That was like my theoretical go to move. Like, man, if I could just let a girl shampoo her. If I could just get her to the stage where I shampooed her hair, I could finally get laid. Like, oh, yeah. Like that's that's how you do it.

You shampoo their hair, and then they can't resist you. What are you doing? You're, like, offering to give girls perms and shit? Like, how do you swing that? You're, like, still drinks on their head. Sophomore, junior in high school, I'm like, yeah, she's so hot. How can I arrange the shampoo so I can get down? I'm sorry to come over here and interject, but your hair doesn't have any volume and it looks so oily.

Do you want to come back to my place? Why would you want to give girls shampoo? How about a quick rinse and a blow dry? My treat. No big deal. It's such an adorable thing. It won't be weird. Hot towel?

I'll wear my gloves. Although I don't doubt that a girl that you're close with, if you did shampoo her hair, it could be very sensual and it could kickstart a little something, but there's something so adorably misinformed about like, you know, maybe being on MSN messenger in high school and be like, I don't know, maybe you come by my place to shampoo you. Yo, what did you hit it? Like shampooed three girls. I've got the new doveve 3-in-1.

One bottle. I'm stimulating mad follicles, bro. Getting it all the time. All up in there. Head and shoulders, bitches. Head and shoulders. No flakes. You're more of a citrus kind of girl.

No flakes over here. Uh-uh. Getting it all day. The tingle of Celsius. Like all the girls. Every girl in your class has these amazing heads of hair. At the end of it, he just realizes he wants to be a hairdresser. Yeah, he's still just jacking off at the end of every night.

He's just sitting on the biggest boob holes ever. Every girl has the freshest hair. And then you have to pretend to be gay because at that point you talked to all the girls and you never made a move. And so none of the guys would believe that you weren't. That's a TV show pilot. Yeah. Let's write that. Let's do it.

Yeah, just like the hydraulic press. Oh, I want to do that. So basically, you know, the hydraulic press channel, I don't know if you've seen this, but it's really popular. Harley, have you seen this? What's that? The hydraulic press channel. Basically, this guy. Yeah, yeah, they crush things.

Yeah, yeah, and I was telling these guys before the show, I was like, you know, I don't think that's really personality driven so much. I know I get that that guy's quirky and kind of silly and funny, but I don't think you really even see him on camera. I feel like if you just bought a bigger fucking hydraulic press, you could just completely take him out of the loop and you could do it. Like, it's not a big deal. It's just an eBay click away from like one upping him. And I don't mean by just a little. from like one upping him and I don't mean by just a little like his thing crushes a thing about this big maybe even smaller

To crush a thing this fucking big is like five or seven five to seven grand or something and if you spend like If the more you spend the bigger shit you can crush imagine he's over there crushing his hockey puck or his play-doh I'm over here crushing entire fucking TV sets crushing like I don't know big concrete TV sets crushing like I don't know big concrete like dead animals yeah sure why not anything and everything big things whole cans of live animals I think if I was going to

if I was going to spend money to dive into a section of YouTube there's one that constantly blows my mind I don't know if you guys know about it but like all I need to do is go out and buy a Spider-Man costume, buy like a girl like an Elsa costume. And then we have to film these ridiculously weird childish skits the last three minutes where it's like Spider-Man and Elsa go for breakfast and we eat like toast together. And if you look these up on YouTube, like look up spider-man elsa or or toy

egg you will fucking lose your mind what are people becoming millionaires being silly i'm talking about these videos that have 25 million views 40 million views 50 million views and it's like kids with their parents opening toys and their mom and dad dressed like spider-man and elsa oh that's millions of views every fucking day like two uploads a day and i'm like how is no one talking about this yeah they're getting like 400 million views a month and and like people are going to panels and stuff and talking at vidcon and they're like oh this gaming channel is blah no no buy a fucking elsa costume get the kids hooked on it and kids kids aren't like adults kids you know what it's like what do you got kids like they sit there and they're like I want to watch this movie

I want to watch this movie again. I want to watch this movie again I want to watch this movie every fucking day for you know weeks you know how many times I watch bed knobs and broomsticks Like like a thousand times when I was six years old a thousand fucking times Until the VHS wore out yeah, we had to buy another drop dead Fred serial mom Terminator 2 Oh Terminator 2 for sure on and watch them over and over your boots in your border cycle Imagine like you know what you like some of these channels they have 400,000 subscribers, but they get 4 million views You're like wow those kids watch that video 100 times each.

It's great. It's crazy. You should see the views on these things. So like forget getting a hydraulic press. How about you come over to my house dressed like Elsa? I'll dress up like Spider-Man and then we'll make some serious cash. As long as I can wear a mask. I'll do anything as long as I can wear a mask.

That's always been my policy. You give me a mask, I'll do whatever you want. Evan YouTube is the one. Do you know Evan YouTube? Are you familiar with him? My son watches him and loves him. And he's always asking me, do you love Evan YouTube? Do you love Evan YouTube?

And I try to explain to him that I'm not Evan YouTube demographic, but he's not really getting it because it's not a thing that he would get. And my wife totally hates him because she's like, I tried to tell him, you're a YouTube hater, right? There's a guy out there just doing his own thing, doing whatever, and you hate him because he's so successful at it. She's just like, why would anyone watch that? That sucks.

Like, they should be watching Woody's Gamer Tag. You're like, they're eight. They're eight years old mm-hmm but yeah and and they they I think they unbox toys I don't really I haven't really watched many of their videos but yeah it's a kid he unboxes toys obviously the parents are like super involved because it's filmed and edited and uploaded and everything but tremendously successful channels of kids just being kids with toys. Kills me. It actually – it's like it kills me.

Not that I'm like, oh my god, I'm so mad at these people. I'm just like I should collab with these kid channels and just be like, hey, guys. Look, I got Evan YouTube on Epic Meal Time. You don't get any of this shit now. But when you're like eight years older from today, please come back and watch my videos 15 times. Please do that. That's what I should really be back to. Have you ever seen that video?

You remember the guy from Blue's Clues, that cartoon? Or it's not a cartoon, that show. The original Blue's Clues. Okay, yeah, yeah. Steve, have you ever heard him telling the story of getting hooked up with a Playboy model or something like that and going out on a date and using his entire game as Steve from Blue's Clues? His moth story. Yeah.

It's great. It's great. It's really good. He's a talented storyteller. He's very good. Basically, this really, really beautiful girl. She might be a playboy model right i'm not sure about that part i playboy penthouse like like she's a she's a 10 she's a 10

and she likes him somehow and his initial reaction was like no you know she's a 10 just forget it like why would she like he's got all that blues clues money she writes him like fan mail. And then what happens is everyone else on the staff is like, you have to do this. You have to do this for us. You know, you are our nerd, never, ever, ever date someone in this league representative. You need to go out there and make it happen. So he goes out there and he dates this girl. Like not dates her, but like on their first date. And he goes and picks her he dates this girl like not dates her but like on their first date and he goes and picks her up and things are like so so and it's not really working right

if i remember the story like he's not really crushing it with this girl and they drive along and uh they see a house with balloons on the mailbox and he's like oh shit this is like my only shot this is my whole game being steve so they go and crash a child's birthday party based on the balloons on the mailbox and and suddenly he's in his element all the kids are loving him and she sees him as steve and it works out well yeah it gets later um it's been a while since i've heard that, but that's a really funny story. He's a good storyteller. Very uplifting. That's one of my favorite stories,

but my all-time favorite, like, I don't know, long format, like, told story is The Machine. The Machine. The Machine. Just search YouTube The Machine Story and listen to this thing. Is that a cartoon? No. No.

It's a man on mic telling a story about going to fucking Russia on vacation and ending up being like a fucking minor league legend. It's a high school class trip. And I guess he learned Russian in high school. How long is this thing? He was a goof or something. How long is it? It's 12 minutes. He was a goof and wasn't really good at Russian.

He only knew a couple of bad words. He goes and the core of it... They're guarded by the KGB guys. They got government agent officers like guarding the these people making sure they don't get into anything they're not supposed to be and and and he's wanting to get get drunk and have a good time and he ends up in a back room with them

and and the only thing he knows how to say in russian i guess is when they ask him who he is is like i am the machine and they're like you are the machine he's like i am the machine like more confidently and they just love it like it becomes a thing yeah and and and so he starts drinking and killing it with him and the thing about it is they're fucking soviets not just we said russians they're soviets they're they're not they've been cut off to all that is western culture comedy all that shit so he's bringing up all the old the all-time great comedy bits they don't they've never seen it before so he's like fat guy in a little coat and they think it's the funniest thing in the world he's just ripping off rodney dangerfield to bill cosby jby Jerry you know whoever he's the greatest comedian of all

time and he's just wildly popular among these guys and they're like showing their friends I don't think they were KGB maybe they're like um Soviet military or something like that but so like see he becomes like popular with all these guys and he's like the party the party animal and he's known as the machine and as they're traveling and see like he's just a high schooler but this elevates him far and far above his his peers now he's in with the with the fucking soviets he's one of them this is the russian mob he's with yes that's what it was i had a hard time remembering exactly there's a russian fucking mob that's what it is yeah it's russian mafia that's who he's in tight with like the russian

mafia loves this motherfucker so they they they're on a train right uh going across soviet russia and at some point they decided rob the train hey so they start robbing the train they're they're like they're literally robbing the train and at some point after that his teacher comes into the middle of this and starts talking down to him as a teacher is wanting to do to a pupil she's like telling she's like this is unacceptable it's not gonna happen anymore you're done mister and the mafia guy you do not talk the machine this way like bitch slaps her and she's just like then the train gets like pulled over by like russian special police or some bullshit and there's this whole thing where like that you know they're telling on them

for robbing them they're they're telling you yeah these guys robbed us the machine and all those motherfuckers over there they they're robbing the the the train car and the teacher she's telling on them too she's telling these cops and they're like yeah yeah the cop comes over to the the the american kid the the machine and he's sitting there he's terrified because it's the russian police they're gonna lock his ass up he's in soviet russia robbing trains with the mafia he's going down and the guy says uh i understand that you are the machine. They fucking heard of him. Word of his greatness has preceded him into this new area

faster than the speed of a train. And he goes out that night, gets drunk, and drives the police car, gets wasted, goes to strip clubs with those people. That's how that story goes.

I paraphrased it, but it's an incredible story and he's a great storyteller and it's ridiculous. Yeah, it's fantastic a great storyteller, and it's ridiculous. Yeah, it's fantastic. I'm going to have to watch that. That sounds really funny. Really great. That's the one that's linked right here? Yes, sir. I know this guy.

This guy, he's a stand-up comedian. Then he's good. I am the machine. Well, it's time to talk about MeUndies, I think. My favorite underwear company of all time. I'm going to tell you something that happened to me the other day. It's a bit embarrassing I I've been very ill and I sharted Shard I started on my me undies

It wasn't a big mess, but it was enough that I knew the the underwear had been fouled I knew for a fae it was for sure so I Poop water there was no poop water. It. It was just a little dollop of poop. Just a little dollop of poop. Imagine like a Hershey's Kiss. Just dropped right there on your undies, but, you know, melted. And I was like, oh, shit. Exactly.

So I pull over. I'm driving when this happens. Oh, the worst time. Yeah, right? I pull over. I'm wearing jeans, my me undies, my camo ones, my favorites. So no one will know. I see you.

Wearing my camo MeUndies, and I got my flip-flops on. And so I pull into a QT gas station. Anybody know what a QT gas station is? It's a very nice gas station, nice clean bathrooms, and they always have a handicap stall. Harley, I'm getting a little bit of reverberation coming back feedback through your mic so i go into the handicap stall nobody's in the bathroom take down my pants very carefully and step out of my flip-flops carefully never putting my bare feet on the floor just transitioning from air back to sandal yeah yeah i'm i'm pretty

i got pretty good balance so so i managed to get my jeans completely off now i carefully remove my undies inspect them and in fact they have been befouled slightly enough so that i'm not going to continue with them and i have a decision to make do i leave my my my pooped in me undies here in this racetrack bathroom this pair of underwear that's been with me for months and months at least 150 wears so far and and not a whole, not even much degradation. They're a little fuzzy, but that just makes them softer. And I decided, no, I'm going to fold these up, stick them in my pocket, and I'm going to take them with me. These can be salvaged, and I did. And I have that.

No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely. You did not fold up poopy underwear and put it in your pocket and walk out of that bathroom. I cleaned the little bit of poop that was on them with some toilet paper. I folded them up very neatly, stuck them in my pocket, and I took them home, and I hand-washed them separately, and then I threw them in the cycle, and I'm going to wear them again. I salvage those MeUndies because MeUndies are the absolute greatest underwear out there on the market today. You wear underwear every day.

That's 365 days a year, rain or shine. You need it to be extraordinary. Without an insane price tag, MeUndies understands this, and that's why they've created the world's most comfortable underwear. Luxury at half the retail price you'd find anywhere else. It's made out of a special fabric called Modal,

and it is so freaking soft. It feels wonderful. MeUndies is made from udal, as I said. It's twice as soft as cotton, and it's definitely twice as soft as whatever you're wearing right now. It doesn't repel the poop, but it... It resists it. It absorbs it and wicks away any foul odors that might be incurred.

Most of us wear underwear every day, unless we shit ourselves. So why settle for low-quality multi-pack underwear that's scratchy and lame? MeUndies has tons of colors and styles from the camo ones that I've got to some tie-dye ones that I've also got. I got both ends of the spectrum. Which one? The ones you pooped in the camos? Pooped in the camos. They're for men and women, which means you and your lady can finally have matching underwear. They release a new design every month, which I think is really cool. And on top of that, they even offer free shipping to the United States and Canada. MeUndies has money-back guarantee, so if you don't love your first pair of underwear you get, you get to keep it for free.

That's right, they don't want your used underwear back. Definitely don't want mine. So if you have nothing to lose, so the best part about all this is that we're offering 20% off your first order when you use our URL, MeUndies.com slash pka. So click the link in the description or go to meundies.com slash pka to get 20% off of your first order. Check them out. Don't poop in yours. Have a little more foresight. I didn't put them in my pocket. Actually, I stuffed them down the front

of my pants because, like, I felt like I couldn't adequately conceal a pair of shat and underwear in my pocket. Well, and that whole area in the pants, that area had already been compromised with poop. Oh, I mean, I cleaned myself up, of course. I'm in a toilet, you know. I got back to 100%.

Yeah, I know you're not an animal. I'm just saying that that's where the poop was. It was contained. Yeah. And there's no need to spread that to the pocket, you know, isolate and quarantine. I kind of put it in, like, the crotch area, like down there. Did you notice that there was any difference

with the modal reacting to the poop than when you would poop in, say, some cotton Hanes or something similar? Hmm. If I'm being honest, I don't think MeUndies are better at being shat in than, say, Hanes. That scratchy cotton fabric is very good at containing large amounts of poop, from what I understand. So maybe Modal isn't the best underwear to shit yourself in, but that's probably not an issue for many of those out there anyway. So check out our link, get your savings,

and I really do stand behind that underwear and inside of it and everything else. I really like that underwear, so check it out. Do you guys want a new topic? Yeah, Harley. Real quick. Unless you're shitting yourself recently. I got a shitting underwear story.

Yeah, go for it. Unless you're shitting yourself recently. I got a shitting underwear story. Yeah, go for it. So, my brother lived in New Zealand for a while. Remember how I said I went to Jew camp? Yes. Lots of Jews have the same things.

Like, especially socks and underwear because all Jews will go buy the cheapest underwear. So you would get your name, like you would have Harley Mornstein basically like ironed into your underwear, like on the back. So like that's Harley's underwear. And then, you know, there would be like, you know, other Jew names on other Jew underwear. But what happened was I was living in New Zealand for a while, for about 10 months. And one time he was at this mall, and he just thought he had a wet fart.

And he didn't. He did way more than that. He pushed it out, and he just completely killed it. Completely just splattered all up in his shit and just destroyed it and uh so he ran to the bathroom and uh he took the underwear off he took his shorts off and he took his underwear off and he like put it on the toilet and uh and then he stood there at the sink like washing like his balls and ass like in the sink like in the mall and like people were coming in and he's like sorry and because he's not like local he doesn't really care

never see these people again you know so he uh he's washing his shitty balls and his ass and stuff like that and he put on his shorts and he free balled and i'm like oh my god i'm like you're so gross i'm like you're standing there washing your shitty body and he's like yeah I'm like and all these people strangers have to look at your shit covered balls he's like yeah I don't like it on top of it you left like a gross diarrhea underwear and in the toilet like someone comes in to use it and like you're one of the monsters that leaves their shitty yeah and he's like the best part is harley mornstein is ironed onto the waistband my underwear my name is like ironed onto it that says harley

mornstein and it's covered in shit and it's in a new zealand the reason why that janitor has has tongs in their arsenal kit now like that's just not only that i i assume that like like on an epic meal time or an instagram when someone's like oh harley morenstein fucking monster i'm like this might be the guy that cleaned up my shitty underwear in new zealand in that bathroom and he was like i will forever remember the name harley morenstein another time i got really really really wasted and my brother was, like, in Thailand. And, like, this is, like, before EMT and stuff. And, like, I was, like, on the shitter.

And, like, I was, like, so destroyed. I, like, passed out face forward. And, like, my dad comes in. My dad having the great sense of humor that he does. Me, like, lying face down on my bathroom floor at, like, 19 years old. Like, you know, all, like, shit butt. Takes a picture of me and uh he sends it to my brother and my brother like saw it like while he was checking his internet at a coffee shop but then he went and made the background of all of the computers

that picture of me face down in the bathroom and both of these things i thought were hilarious until i kind of like became a personality out there so like someone could see that in Thailand that computer thing that shit butt guy and be like wait a second is that a sauce box? is that a sauce box? son of a bitch

oh that's fucked up well that's i um i i got a disproportionately high number of poop stories i think it's absolutely proportionate i think most people don't talk about it um robin quivers of the stern show uh hers she has a great poop story she um she goes out for a morning run and basically shits herself big time like running down her her legs, out of her, like running shorts, down her legs, everywhere, diarrhea. And there's like a Mexican, like guy hosing the sidewalk with a hose.

And she has to ask to borrow the hose to wash the shit off herself so she can get back to her apartment. Humiliation, like... It's worse because she's famous. I don't think the guy knew her. This happened going back. I don't think many people know what she looks like anyway unless they're fans of the show.

I don't know. She is hot though. I think Robin's pretty hot. I think they're G-sized boobs. They're enormous. They're gigantic. She's had them reduced. When they do that, they make them all perfectly shaped and extra supple like no natural city could ever be. No, she's not fat. She's kind of a health freak.

Sometimes she looks a bit overweight, but I don't think so. Yeah, I think of her as chunky-ish. Nah, pull up some like photos of her she's last time i saw her and i i would i think if uh i would totally be like robin quivers like i don't know like boy toy or whatever like i would totally be down for that i think she's like 60 62 somewhere in there but that chick is worth tens of millions of dollars she's like super adventurous and travels all around the world and does all kinds of like interesting experiences and i'd be down for that if you're traveling with robin quivers who i would imagine you know i made it very clear kyle you're down for the big ass titties yeah that would be nice too i i want to see them

that's what i started fast size boob and blah blah blah and she might be interesting since she's been on the radio for 30 years but mainly mainly those boobs. If I'm being honest, she's the worst part of that show, and I feel like she adds so very little, and she's not funny. She's got a bad sense of humor. She's often off-key and doesn't get the smart jokes that Fred's dropping back there. I get that. I think it's more about his chemistry with her and how he likes to play off her, but she's not even – she can't read the news. She can't read the fucking news a while back she was like oh and the two sports teams whatever name them like the blue jays beat the the milwaukee

fuck tons last night and three to eight and they were like oh no that that was two weeks ago robin what are you reading she's reading two week old news and nobody even caught it that's her job she's the news lady she's not very good they used to have whole segments when ona was still a thing where they would just make fun of robin really on on the stern show because she just is always like fun wrangling and all the clips they would play of like howard or a guest like starting to go crazy and her just always like oh guys stop stop you you stop you're being crazy and it's, oh, you don't need that person there to rein it in. Let people kind of go crazy. I don't like her on the show. I love

the Stern show, but I think that he loves her on the show, and that's enough for me because I like the show and the way it works so much, but if I'm like Stern's boss, which he doesn't have anymore, I guess, I wouldn't want her on the show if it was up to me.

I'd rather stick, like, Artie back in there. I wish Artie was back on the show and didn't have that awful drug problem. He was great on the show. I liked him a lot. Yeah, I thought he was a – am I wrong? He was an SNL guy or something? Mad TV. Oh, that's kind of the same.

It was like the shittier SNL. Yeah, I suppose so. He was a really funny guy. I like his stand-up pretty good. Mad TV was okay. Mad TV had this skit where it was like, who was that home improvement guy? Tim the Toolman Taylor? Well, no, the real one.

Tim Allen's based off of the Bob Vila. So they had a Bob Vila rip-off Mad TV, but he was like terribly accident prone. So every step of the way through a project, like he would get a corkscrew stuck in his eye, a chainsaw into the kneecap. It was always really gruesome, gory, and over the top. And so he'd be like pruning a Christmas tree and just snip his thumb the fuck off

and blood's just gushing. He's like, ah! And progressively he's losing more and more blood, so he's getting pale and lightheaded. And yeah, let's check this out. There was a year, by the way, where MADtv was definitely better than SNL. I agree.

They had a strong year, I remember that. And yeah, Will Sasso was clutch. Can we watch like a minute of this, Woody? Sure. I mean, it's like... Have you seen Will Sasso's Vines? Yeah, he's the first... He's the reason why I got Vine.

Like, I watched him and I'm like, hey, this guy's making this app funny. Like the lemon one he does? Yeah, exactly. I think that's him, right? Yeah. All right, well, let's watch Paul Timberman's workshop

fit properly hanging paul timberman i'm so good like like um i i just love seeing this i there were a few things i like there was one there was he was the guy who's yes ready set play hello hi there welcome to pa Timberman's workshop. I'm Paul Timberman. You know, I love Christmas. And I like to think the number one symbol of peace and love and giving and sharing around the world is the Christmas tree. That's what we're working on today.

His face is so good. From the outdoors is shaping. Now, I got my handy hand prune around here somewhere, so I can... Oh, here it is. Oh. Yeah, that's fine. All right. Now most of these branches are no bigger than your finger,

but you gotta press real hard because they're real strong. He's having a hard time seeing because of that eye. Jesus. All right, I think you get the idea. Hey, tell you what, Monty, you pop that in a little plastic baggie, put it in the fridge, I'll pick it up on the way to the ER. Thank you. Alright then, this here's our treat.

It's a noble fur. Noble fur's known as a sweet, sultry mistress of the woods, and this one here's a fine, classy lady. Now as you can see, the- Cut it out. Is it bloody on the bottom? I think the boys hurt themselves. This won't go well. Come on now! Oh, God. Is that the commercial?

That's the commercial. I'm Paul Timberman of Paul Timberman's Workshop. You know, people always ask me, what's the best way to keep your tree mounted to Christmas? And I tell them there's nothing better than the Santa Jaws. Here's a new modern way to keep your frisky tree in place. Works kind of like a big old bear trap. And it comes in three different sizes.

Santa Junior, Kris Kringle, and big old Saint Nick. Santa Jaws. The best thing under your tree this Christmas. My name ain't Paul Timmerman. Lethers of Santa Jaws would like to wish you and yours a safe and happy holiday. I think I get the idea.

Yeah. He continues to injure himself. Later he'll shoot a few Phillips head screws into his leg as well. It's always very bloody and gruesome. It's my knock on all these skit shows. I feel like they come up with ten seconds worth of humor and then just repeat it for five minutes and then just do that until the hour runs out.

I mean, look at SNL. They stretched bush's same bit to like a decade a decade worth of saturdays the only thing good on snl to me is the news like when they do that it's funny and it's original every week yeah there's a few sketches i love i uh i went to an snl like uh taping about a year ago or two years ago. And it's, like, really insane. It's, like, really insane. Like, they sit down, like, on Monday.

And they're like, yo, everyone, ideas now. Ideas now or you're fucking fired. Come on. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Shit idea. Shit idea.

Decent. Put it on the side. Maybe. That's okay. All right. And they have this crazy list. And they're like, all right, let's start running through. Okay.

These aren't plausible. These aren't plausible. And now it's like Wednesday already. And it's like we got to do rehearsals. Start cutting skits. Cutting them down. It's like you don't get the time to really make it funny. And then when you think about it, it's like, you know, how could SNL ever compare for this new generation?

If like they could just pull out their phone and they're like six seconds next, next, next, next. Like SNL was good in a way because it was the only place you'd get like stupid, almost R-rated comedy week by week. almost R-rated comedy week by week. But now, with YouTube and stuff, Vine, it's even shorter, sweeter, crazier. You don't have to care about brands or commercials and stuff. So it's just like, you know, SNL is one of those things that the internet age really kind of took the piss out of.

You know what I mean? I remember I watched the Andy Mil, even like, I remember like, I watched the Andy Milonakis show back in the day. And it was just like, oh my God, this guy's so stupid. He puts everything on TV. But then like, you know, once YouTube comes out,

it's like, oh my God, everyone's so stupid and they put everything on the internet. It's like, it kind of like. I kind of like the Andy Milonakis. What's that? His internet's going bad everybody liked that for me I liked the Andy Milonakis show yeah I liked it too I liked it also did you ever watch his vines yeah I did I watched his vines they're absurd when he's like smashing dishes and do and

just breaking stuff dude I fuck is that I met him in person a bunch of times and like I even went to his house like after one of those vines where like there was still shit all over the floor. I'm like this is fucking insane. But what's really funny is last year at VidCon, he's like – you know at VidCon they like put you up in the hotel and someone pays for it and all that stuff. and someone pays for it and all that stuff. And someone put him up and like, he had this video on his YouTube channel called like meet and greet at VidCon with Shay Carl. And when you clicked it,

it was him in his hotel room at the VidCon hotel, like smashing the TV in the hotel room and like trying to pull it off because it's like screwed in and like taking it off and like smashing it on the ground and like grabbing the pull it off because it's like screwed in and like taking it off and like smashing it on the ground and like grabbing the paintings in the hotel room and smashing them no i'm not saying that's cool yeah but there was this really intense like shock value to it because

like i'm in the same room all my shit and i'm, damn, I thought I was a badass on YouTube. I was like, that shit, someone's got to pay for that. There was on the same level of his vines where he's smashing shit, where you're just like, oh my god, is something wrong with him? What's happening? It was on one of those levels where I was like, damn. Yeah, I don't know why it's funny, but it's just interesting to watch. I watched a bunch of those. When I saw him smashing those dishes, I don't even remember the subject matter of all of them.

They're all pretty stupid like that. Just smashing shit. Just smashing shit, and just being silly while he does it. Just being random. I don't know, I like him. What's his name on Vine, just Andy Milonakis? I don't recall, this has been like a year. Andy Milonakis on Vine, yeah.

And I actually almost moved. When I lived in LA, I almost moved into his building. Like I would have been his neighbor. I used to go there a lot. And he was like painting crazy paintings and stuff like that. And he's like a really, really nice guy. It's like he saves all of his crazy for his content. Because like when you hang out with him, he's not he saves all of his crazy for his content because like when you hang out with him

he's not crazy at all you know he's like you know he does like a lot of voice acting i think he does like a voice acting on adventure time and stuff like that he's got a whole bunch of voice acting gigs um you know and he's like the opposite of shoe nice yeah it's crazy and successful huh i didn't know he was still doing anything. Yeah, he does voice acting and stuff. And, you know, he's still, like, musically inclined. They had that band, like, two years ago, the rap group, Him, Dirt, Nasty, and Riff Raff. Yep.

They released an album. Yep. I remember that. That was silly, too. All right. It's time for a track rap smart cars smartphones smart homes technology has made everything smart but when you lose those smart things it makes you feel really stupid tracker makes losing things a thing of the past tracker is a coin-sized device that locates misplaced keys wallets bags computers anything in seconds just pair the tracker to your smartphone, attach it to anything, and find its precise location with the tap of a button.

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Never lose anything again with Tracker. Listeners to our show here get a special discount of 30% off your entire order, so go to thetracker.com and enter offer code PKA. The hardest thing you'll ever have to find is their website. Thetracker.com. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I haven't lost the thing

that I have my tracker attached to yet, but I'm very confident that if I should, I'll be able to track it right down. I forgot to attach my tracker to anything, and right before the show, I thought I had lost it. I didn't even have to use the service, though, because I found it. But I'm sure I would have been able to find it with the service even easier. Of course. So there you go.

Yeah, those things are pretty nifty. even easier of course so so there you go yeah those things are pretty nifty um i i uh i got it on a range bag but i feel like uh i would definitely put it on like my little dog if we were on some sort of scenario where we were away from home and maybe like i i don't know what like if the dog were if he was a hunting dog especially i know my if my uh that belgian maui've got dack if he ever gets outside he just runs Well, you want him to leave. You don't want to be able to track him down. Well, I mean, Kitty would, and he's an expensive dog. I guess we should go fucking get him.

Those are sunk costs, right? I mean, you should really consider his present value, which is negative. That was... No, he's a good guard dog. That's exactly what it is. You already paid the, like, three grand for that hellhound. Just throw it away. Exactly.

At this point, he's just a continued liability claim. No, he's totally a good guard dog. Like, that dog would murder somebody. He's outrageous. He's vicious. You know who else would murder someone who's good at guarding things? You. Yeah, but...

He is made redundant by FPS Kyle. Well, I think he can smell strangers in the dark, ain't feared of nothing, and can like leap 20 fucking feet in a single bound. He is a superior fighting machine hand to hand. As a human, I bet your long jump is better than the dog's.

No way. He does have the smell advantage, I'll give you. And the sight. And the teeth. Those chompers are legit. How's his marksmanship? Terrible. Mine is on point right now. I was shooting today. I was fucking like I was shooting

I was shooting this suppressed 9mm AR-15 that Chad brought over with a little red dot. And at 50 yards there were some targets about this big, but they were lying flat so i could just see a slither of them and i'm just plinking them every single time and the bullets are ricocheting up and chopping tree limbs down um that thing was incredible i've been practicing a lot and i'm pretty fucking sharp right now especially with my handgun um we've

been shooting a lot i shot so much steel that i shot the paint all the way off of it like three times i am not sharp i went to the range and then I did that shooting competition. I went to the range to sort of get the rust off and I realized I needed more range time and I shot the competition and I got disqualified. So I suck right down. Yeah, that's a shame that that happened to you. This is some of the new ammunition I'm messing around with. I think if I show it like this it'll... What caliber is that, Kyle? So if you look, there seems to be like a ball in the center.

Right. And then like three segments that surround it. And so it's a.45 ACP. And what happens is that ball is tethered to each of those three segments by a cord. And so when this round goes through the air at like seven yards, you have one bullet in the middle and three following it tethered by a cord,

you know, in a pattern going outward. So you shoot... Not spinning. The middle... Well, the center bullet will... Well, yeah, I guess it would fucking, I don't know what it does. It needs to be shot in some high-speed photography. That's a very good question you brought up.

Because it's coming apart like that, God knows. But it shoots pretty fucking accurately, and I can only imagine what it would do to, yeah, Chiz wrote, what a human-destroying round. But it really is. It comes in like a presentation case, like 10 rounds to a box. And they're in there in a circle, like flower petals going around a central point. And I don't know how much they cost. I got sent them, but that's what I'm packing right now. They're pretty badass. Amir got a really crazy gun.

Amir got a really crazy gun. Amir got a Chris Vector. And it's like, it's this gun I see in every movie. Like once I went to Amir's house and saw his Chris Vector, every single movie uses this exact same gun. It's like whether the movie's set like now or like 20 years in the future, like in Total Recall, I always see the same gun. I'm like, that's so crazy. I'm like, I'm always using this gun, you know?

And I went to Amir's house, one of my buddies, the chef on Epic Meal Time, and he's got this gun. And I look at him, I'm like, this is so crazy. I never thought you can get this in Canada. I never thought you could have something that looks like this. This like robo future gun, you know what I mean? Yeah, Kyle's going to go get her, his fully automatic one. I'm sure he has a fully automatic Chris vector.

I think I've shot it back with three of them. I'll tell you the differences that I've noticed that, that bum Amira, cause it's Canadian. He has a long barrel on the front. He can't have the short barrel and it has a, it's 10 millimeter rounds, but it's a semi-automatic, and it counts as a pistol.

This is silenced, too. So if you take that silencer off, you have, like, the short... It's the short nose? Short-barreled rifle, yes. Oh, that's so good. I want to call a beer up right now and be like, yeah, I got shit, bitch.

That is the exact gun that you see in all the future movies they just kind of like add a flashlight on it or something or some laser movie uses chris vectors now every single movie like judge dread uh total recall like every movie whether like i said it's whether it's today or it's in the future always chris vectors and it's like a really interesting looking gun but like amir kept talking about chris vector for the longest time and i was like a really interesting looking gun. But like, Amir kept talking about Chris Vector for the longest time and I was like, who the fuck is this guy? Like, I thought he was like a fucking pop star or something.

Chris Vector? The Chris Vector? Yeah, I went to his concert, man. I think there is a guy I think it's a guy named Chris. I think It is a guy and his last name is Chris or something. Yeah, yeah. I've met him. I've met him. I got a question. So like, yours is fully automatic? Mine is not fully automatic. It's a short-barreled rifle, though. Ah, I thought a question. So, like, yours is fully automatic? Mine is not fully automatic.

It's a short-barreled rifle, though. Ah, I thought it was. I think in Canada, I don't know, but I think it counts as a pistol in Canada. And that's why he could get it. His doesn't have a stock, then. That's what it is. He got the one without the stock. Yeah, but it also has to have the long barrel on it.

He can't have the short barrel. Yeah, it's got the long barrel and no stock. Yeah, but it also has to have the long barrel on it. He can't have the short barrel. Yeah, it's got the long barrel and no stock. What is like, or I don't know if it's safer, but what's more legal about the long barrel as opposed to not having the barrel? All right, so here's the deal with that. They figure what they don't want you to have is a long gun, a rifle, or a shotgun,

a more powerful firearm that's made to be compact to conceal to do something bad because powerful firearm that's made to be compact to conceal to do something bad because they figure that's what's up. In reality, the reason that we want these short-barreled rifles is because they're nifty. They're fun. They're lighter. You can do more things with them. It's a customization thing.

But what they don't want is for you to have a sawed-off shotgun. The way the classification comes down is this is a handgun until I put a stock on it. If I added a stock that came back here that attached to my shoulder, then I've created a short-barreled rifle.

Illegally, if I don't have an SOT or haven't applied for the correct paperwork and everything. So you can't do that. Unless this had a much longer barrel, and then all of a sudden it's a rifle that I've made. So it can get into kind of a weird gray area there, but I think what he has, it's the Chris Vector. It probably looks exactly like this.

I think his just doesn't have... I think he attached a piece, actually, to the back of it. No, he wouldn't do that No, that's that's too illegal to do. Yeah, he might have I'm serious don't He's actually he cherishes his gun license so much that whatever he does is not illegal. Oh, I'm sure he applied for an SBR permit. I don't know how Canada handles that.

Once he got the gun, the way he talks about things or anything with guns is completely different based on what the schooling of it is because he would never want... Dude, I'm going to say he's obsessed with guns. Like, who the fuck am I talking to? But, like, he literally, all he does is spend his money on guns, gun parts, and art now. Yeah, that makes sense now. Yeah, he's just, it's just a longer barrel.

That's the deal. He could have the stock. Yeah. I don't know where it is, but it's a dumb picture because it's me, like, with my shirt off, like, wasted, holding the gun up. Alcohol and guns are bad. As long as they're unloaded.

I've got that Law Rocket over here that we poured the shots into that girl's mouth with. That was the funniest part about that whole experience. Oh, my God. It was like a dirty bazooka shot. It's an it was and at one point one girl got belligerent and crazy and had to be asked to leave basically and then wouldn't leave but we couldn't leave her outside with my vehicles because how did she get so insane so fast like what happened um so we were inside filming the meal and it was time for like actual you know speaking parts that all the b-roll was done the cooking was done we had the meal it's time for you to do your thing

it's the intro part you know you're like ah and we got the meal and you're you know it's the main part and everything and she's over there. And there are people in the room with us. But most of the people have went on the back porch because they don't want to disturb us. And she can't keep her fucking mouth shut. She keeps giggling like. I want to be a fucking lawyer. Yeah.

She keeps, like, going into drunk giggliness bullshit, like, mid-roll and, like, ruining takes. And, like, you know, I'm happy. We're all enjoying doing the video but we want to get it wrapped so we can move on to you know the next part of the night of course you know that's where it's that's the work part of the night but you know they're you can fuck both of them whatever and so like she so she has to be asked to go outside and that got her really upset and then i was with the blonde one so the brunette one got real mad or upset about something. And she's like, gets her friend, and they go to leave.

And I'm like, okay, we'll leave. And they're like, no, we're not going to leave now. And they're just staying up there by both of my cars. And I'm like, I can't leave this crazy drunk bitch by my car. And you just got this car literally days before. Yeah, it's like brand new. I remember. And so I'm and so i'm not

gonna leave her up there and i'm calling my cop buddy i'm like what do i do she won't fucking leave and he's like well if we get involved she could say it'll be a he said she said thing he's like you just want her to go away on her own you don't want us to come out he's like i can't come because you're in the county not the city um but what i will do, let me know when they leave, and I'll lock their ass up DUI. So I was like, good. So we made that happen. Oh, they were both wasted, and they just drove off? Yeah, when that drunk nightmare finally got down the road, yeah.

It's so funny. I remember you had a sick truck, and you just got your car. I remember a couple guys from EMT at the time and they were like, yo, how come like we get the same views as FPS but like he's got these awesome cars? And I'm like, well, I guess I could fire you both and buy myself those awesome cars. I remember they were like – you were like splitting the cost of that grill with the network and I was like, man, they should pay for that fucking grill for harley that's bullshit harley shouldn't have a pot for a fucking grill he's the sauce balls he should be they should be making grills rain on this man they should build him a master grill like but it's so funny i remember like like like at the time when we left like they were like man like kyle's got that huge place and like he's got like all this

shit like like how's he got like all this money they're like looking at me like i'm hiding money and i'm like yo like i pay people kyle is there with like you know one other person killing it like you know there's six of us yeah we you're you you're kyle's guns you're his cars you know i'm like it's a different setup but like they literally it was too everyone was so young bare bones for so long like i mean super bare bones like my camera cost a grand for so long like i filled it i filmed like a quarter million dollars worth of videos on a grand camera like a nine i remember pay for that that was given to me as part of another um i didn't pay i didn't like pony up for a camera until years into it like um uh and you know my just

my you know my cousin scott just shooting film you know just like he's not a fucking cameraman he's just a guy who's not afraid of getting hit by a piece of a refrigerator and won't flinch are we talking about gator yeah gator's the. Gator rolls into our party that night just having whipped two dudes' asses in the street. He's bruised up and bloody knuckles. He's just knocked two guys unconscious and he's at our party now. He came in and I'm like, yo, I don't know

this guy, but all of a sudden my don't get stabbed radar is up. Not that I think he's going to stab me, but the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up like I'm a cat and I've got to be on alert. He won't turn his back on the gates.

He could stab you. It's never completely out of question. A little stabbing. Will that Gator channel ever make a resurgence? No, God no. Do you know about the Gator channel, Harley? I guess so, right? Yeah, that was hilarious. Do you gators debut that was so funny man i was thinking that was got today i remember you know like doing uh

like early on an epic mealtime like fuck like i've grown so much like you know at the time i was 25 years old now i'm 30 i remember like I remember I saw this tweet once and it was like I'm 30 but I act like I'm 20 but then I see 20 year olds and I'm like no I act like I'm 30 and it's like you know you just feel like you're younger until you see younger and you're like oh no you guys are fucked but like when I was 25 like I already had a full-time job as a teacher that could have been a career so So in many ways, I'm like, yo, I know everything, man. Like I'm an adult. I know shit. I didn't know anything compared to now, you know, things were so different. But like the craziest thing was like, almost everyone that I hired was like 22, 23, never had a job, never worked like Monday to Friday at a real job, like something like teaching where I'm like responsible

for 30 kids. So that was like the most grounding thing I had in my life. But like, I remember going to your house and like leaving and like looking through the raw footage with the team and everyone just like, yo, when are we all getting houses with boats and cars and guns? And I'm like, slow down. No one's getting anything.

Boats and cars, I'm first. And i don't see boats and cars in the next five years at least i just remember like hanging out with you it's just like yo he got money he got money like we just had come back from a ridiculously uh successful little like two-day film trip to like we had filmed for two like we filmed for two days straight in tennessee um filmed like four videos those four videos combined for like i don't know 70 million views or something like that let's just like four like knock it out of the park kind of videos like the like the flamethrower and shit like that and uh we filmed all it cost like 500 to film all four of those videos or something like that minus ammo and then we got two hours of sleep that night and then drove down to the airport and picked you guys up in fucking atlanta and crammed all of

epic meal time well um harley muscles glasses and tyler into the car and uh and plus white boy seven street in the back seat in the back seat of the truck and then and then scott's in the front and the whole bed of the truck is full of watermelons so like it's watermelons and guns and so they're they're shits all over watermelons and guns and i remember when we finally stopped at a gas station so everybody could take a piss when they opened the back door it was like spring opened like because they were jammed in there so tightly i felt so bad but like i i certainly didn't have like a cargo van to get everybody no but that that wouldn't even care about that was like I just remember feeling so American I'm like you can just drive with like a bazooka in the backseat no you can't

that was ridiculous of me oh I shouldn't have had that back there I had my that long rocket launcher in the bed of the truck in the open bed of the truck at the airport and it's not illegal but it looks real I got me it's not illegal, but it looks real. I got me. It's just right here I didn't know it was there and it's not illegal. It just looks bad. It looks so bad Yeah, you don't drive a bazooka to an airport In Georgia Sorry officer, I didn't know my law rocket was back there. That's great. Yeah, not only did I have my law Oh my god, I drank out of that not only did i have this thing in the truck but i had rounds for it in there too

so like you know i an argument could be made that i had some sort of rocket launcher because i did with rockets because i did at the argument it's just a fact that you had armaments and rockets in your car at the airport. You also pulled out a Desert Eagle and pointed it at the drive-thru. Well, you know, there was... I don't think there's any law against that.

I wasn't... Yeah, there was nobody there. Just the recording screen and everything. I don't even think it was loaded i remember like getting so nervous that was my goal my goal was to like i'm trying to play a character i'm also like sorry sorry yeah yeah my goal is to ameri shock you guys that's what i try to do every time that like new people around my day-to-day life isn't absurdly crazy like that of course i'm just fucking with you guys because i think it's funny when do you know athene wins yeah so that guy came

over um with his um his girlfriend and another guy who was also like a youtuber i meet him with you this is like he's like world of warcraft gamer right or a diablo or something like that i honestly don't know i know he's very successful at at like poker online and he's had like a really successful like charity campaigns he's done. His girlfriend's like smoking hot and she's some sort of like ran for some kind of minor league political office in her country. And her whole platform was like she'll give you a blowjob if you vote for her or something like that. vote for or something like that. And it was him and then another YouTuber friend of his and I don't recall that guy's name because it's been years, but they were complete AmeriShock. We took them to Walmart and showed

them guns and stuff and they're just like, they have the guns at the Walmart! And these are the bullets! Look, these are bullets! And I'm like, they're shocked by the little pump shotgun they got here at Walmart. Where did they get to my house and see that it's literally scattered with high-end military weaponry and shit? And sure enough, they were just blown away by it.

And my just standard size pickup truck, they called it a monster truck. They were like, this is a monster truck. And I'm like, no, this is actually probably on the small size. They have trucks on average. Yeah, this is just a small truck, really. And it sits rather low. And they're like, oh, this is a monster truck. Why do you need such a truck?

Well, we got along okay. And me and Scott just mostly avoided them because, to be frank, she was very attractive. And her breasts were all over the place. And we're, you know, I've said this about southern people before, we're polite people. We're not the rapey sort, unlike those people who hiss at you on the beaches down on the islands.

Algeria or something. Those people. So we literally wanted to remove ourselves from the temptation of even staring at them because we felt it was inappropriate, disrespectful to this other guy because they were out there to be seen. And they were very nice. So mostly we didn't hang around, but

the time finally came to drive them home, back to the airport. And so it's I'm in the driver's seat, Kitty's in the passenger seat, she's got to always be in the passenger seat or she gets sick, she says. And in the back seat is Athene, his buddy on the other side, and this young lady is sitting right in the middle of the bench seat in the backseat is Athene, his buddy on the other side, and this young lady is sitting right in the middle of the bench seat in the back. I was driving too aggressively, I'll admit. I was very familiar with the road and probably overconfident, and I tried to pass when I shouldn't have in a curve.

I saw my error, and I had a couple of options at this point. I can slam on the brakes and then try to get back in my lane, which is risky because there's always that chance the car that's alongside me will try to do the same thing and help me. And then I get in some, and then I'm head on into a car. I don't want that. And so I decide to go to the left, go across. I'm already in the wrong lane. So let's continue in this direction where there are no other cars. I, and I let everybody know, I say, we're going off road everyone hang on and i said it just like that and at about 60 miles an hour we go down to the ditch boom up over the over the like terse and we're like kind of sideways in a ditch now and then back up into the road and at some

point the whole truck made like a huge lurching jump where it's just like and in the rear view mirror i see this tiny little woman bounce straight fucking up and hit her head on the top of the the roof of my truck and it did some serious damage that she had to get physical therapy for and like to this day i think they hold it against me oh are you serious so you basically like semi crippled her a little bit i don't know i i heard that there was a whole thing where you know physical therapy was a neck thing i i don't know i felt really bad about it yeah do you feel like a dick about it still i what she should have buckled up this the lap belt oh she wasn't buckled she wasn't a bit of responsibility for that that's how i feel that's how you did tell her to hold on which is that you should have been prepared for something it is the law i i let everybody honestly if i'm a theme i gotta

say i put my arm around my girlfriend i she her head doesn't hit the ceiling i feel like there are many people that i could sort of cast this off on other than myself yeah my reckless driving i don't know why the driver would be held responsible for this at all i would not like to be held responsible in any way whatsoever no No, no, not at all. No. Do we need a new topic? Sure. All right.

This is an Ask Reddit thing. We don't do these too much anymore. Without using a number, how old are you? So some of the sample answers from here are I remember pre-internet but not the wall coming down. Another guy wrote I remember in high school we used to make fun of people for using the internet. Principal walked into my junior year English class to announce Kennedy's assassination. Can I just say like quarter century?

Neither of those are numbers. I don't like it. No. I don't like it. Landmark events. numbers man i don't like it no i don't like it um landmark events yeah here's a guy debating between getting married and starting a family or doing drugs off a stripper's ass that's how old he is so how old are you i remember when south park was animated poorly i remember when the simpsons was animated poorly i had a teddy ruxpin. I loved fucking He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

Dolph Lundgren is the man. I didn't see the wall gum down. That's a great one. It really kind of puts it in there. I grew up with the internet. Yeah, I grew up with the internet. I was obsessed with Pokemon when that first came out. I was in that first wave.

I was still young enough during 9-11 that I understood it was a really big deal, but obviously it wasn't into politics since I was fifth grade. Dial up internet? That's a good one. A one-family computer. Yeah, you can't look at anything in all the porn.

You have to find one good image and then be so patient. It was never satisfying because you always knew that there were 10 other way better images just waiting. But no, you get lazy and you think you hear somebody coming. I can remember downloading porn images and videos on LimeWire or Kazaa, those services. And you would get like 10% in and you could watch a little preview and i'd be like nope not gonna cut it and i'm like dodged a bullet with that one that was actually just a guy shitting all over the floor that was not the the cute uh uh teen anal whatever i was actually did you ever try like get really happy when you found like the video like real video that you got

to see a sample of and it was like 8 seconds of a chick about to take her top off and the beginning of a porn and that was it. And that was the only video you could get and you could close out of your browser over and over and find new ones but it was never satisfying. We'll see, I quickly found that in those days there was no free porn out there really

unless you went to some weird shady places that would just literally give you malware and viruses so I got all my... I remember one of them. I went to some like weird shady places that would just literally give you malware and viruses so i i got all my remember one of them i went to kazaa and and um limewire and places like that and um like i said the problem with that was i would have to like everybody's got to go to sleep before i can use the family computer to download my porn but then like using that dial-up internet connection i've got to download for like three fucking hours to get enough porn to masturbate to properly. Like, it's going to take – I've got to hunt for at least an hour, right? And then I finally figure out –

It's a part-time job. Yeah. And then you have to hide it on your computer. No, that's the worst. I had to delete it every night. I had to delete it every night. It was a vicious cycle. I didn't have a thumb drive.

I didn't know about external hard drives. Every night I would spend hours downloading this master trove of porn. Sometimes I'd memorize what to go back to so I could download it again, but it had to go at the end of the night. All the updates had to be purged. You didn't have a good place to hide it. You didn't have uninteresting taxes 2014. Kyle, what's going on in this tax folder? You're 11.

Kyle, why is it dated 2014? It's 1999. Good one. It seems you're going crazy. I think a good reference point for me is I remember very clearly Undertaker's first walk into the wrestling ring. I just started the seventh grade when like DX became like a big deal. When I was first old enough to know lyrics to songs and sing along, like Wump There It Is was on the radio.

I remember seeing like Space Jam was like the first movie I went to by myself with a friend with like no parents yeah and you know what like I remember like 9-11 you know also like I'm Canadian and like I remember like you know sometimes there's just always some crazy shit going on in the USA remember like Oklahoma City bombing and stuff like that and I remember going to the

bathroom I got up and I was in the 11th grade and out of the 10th grade and I got up and I went to the bathroom and then I came back from the bathroom and it was all weird in the classroom just like weird silence and the teacher was like um a plane just crashed into the world Trade Center. And I was like, okay. Now, I was 16. So when she said that to me, I was like, yeah, sounds bad. But doesn't bad shit always happen? You know?

Like, doesn't bad shit always happen? So I'm like, what's so bad about this? And I didn't really take it in and i sat back down and the teacher was like yeah that's really crazy uh does anyone not know what the world trade center is and like half the kids put their hands up the other half of that other half were probably lying and um she was like yeah and she's explaining it to us and then another teacher comes in and says to the to the teacher working and then she looks at us and she's like oh my god another plane just crashed and then so now we're like oh wait so

before that was bad but now this is weird and then i remember like they brought a tv in and turned on the news and we had cnn on and like we're watching it and you're watching these like extreme videos of you know the people and stuff like that and that's when you start to go oh yo this is really fucked up and then one of the buildings came down and then I remember the teacher and on the broadcast I mean they're like okay school's done school's out uh they let school they let us all go home which I thought was so weird at the time I I was like, wow, it's that bad that here in Montreal, Canada, we're going home for the rest of the day because of something that happened. Isn't weird shit happen in the world all the time? I didn't grasp it.

I was so desensitized to violence and crazy shit and video game. It never processed that that was such a big deal until I got home and I saw all the extreme things on the news for weeks you know I'm like oh my god that was so fucked up how could I be so insensitive and I think about it now is something I saw on reddit not too long ago where there's someone said like if like 9-11 happened today the vines snapchats and videos that people would have been uploading to twitter would have been horrific. And it's true. Like can you imagine the type of tweets of like people – it's horrific to say but like just to think of like how much has changed in like the 15 years.

Like people would be putting up videos, their last words and uploading them to the internet. Like it's so fucking crazy how different things are from then until now and even just like how much like i didn't process it as a kid then i was just too immature you know like a 16 year old boy is like you know i mean you wouldn't grasp that when i was a little kid um this is like elementary school you know one through four it's probably in fourth grade we watched the first space shuttle take off and to me that was the tail end of when the world thought that like space exploration was a thing that applied like you know when we landed on the moon which is before my time it was like suddenly we were expanding our reach. Like our planet just got a little bigger. It included this other one.

And then the space exploration became like more and more of a thing. They're sending satellites out further. We're seeing parts of the solar system and universe that we never saw before. And then when the space shuttle came, all of a sudden it was a space plane. Like we didn't think of it as a rocket at first. It was like this thing can go up whenever it wants it's just like a plane it'll just take off it'll land it'll be cheap we'll go up there all the time and my father had this talk with me i remember we were at colonial williamsburg and he was telling me not to colonize another planet

this was like a concern he had he's like all these people died you. He's like, the death rate of Williamsburg was terrible. You should not be one of those people where 80% of the population gets wiped out as you're colonizing Mars. And then somewhere during my childhood, between fourth grade and eighth grade or ninth grade, all of a sudden, they took all the space shit out and put cell phones in like you're going to be able to talk for anyone anywhere you're going to be able to have like instant translation was a thing they were excited about and for me

it was so disappointing that was that new world order dumbing down humanity that was that was one of the first steps right there like the dream was that you'd be able to communicate with someone in Japan and the computer would just like translate it on the fly. I'm saddened that space exploration doesn't inspire more people. You know, if you ask me like to name 10 programs that I want to get, you know, that I want funded, like NASA is going to be in there because I feel passionate about that.

And every time they do something new, something cool, explore something, I'm like, awesome and that's us too i like that it's america i when i hear about india doing a thing and china putting a rover on the moon i'm like fuck them and their fucking rover we sent a bunch of dudes up there and they shit on that rock our shit's up there and it's staying there and i don't want any chinese shit on the. We need to get back up there and make sure that doesn't happen. You want the Chinese shitting on your moon? No. I don't. I do not.

It's an American moon. Little pellets everywhere. I don't see anyone else's flag on it. Have you ever seen that thing where it's like, it's usually a what if scenario. It's like, what if Trump ran NASA and it's's the American astronaut planting his flag multiple times on different planets? Let me find this for you. I haven't seen that. So that was one thing of mine.

Back when I was little, space exploration and growing our grasp on the universe was still a thing. Shocks. I really got into the internet at my first job because they had a better connection they had a one megabit download at work and that was amazing yeah t1 line yeah like 200 of us shared it but it was amazing i remember one little thing and this is just you know those little like snapshots of memory where there's no story? You don't know anything else.

You just remember one weird moment. I just remember at the kitchen table when I was six or seven, me and my family were sitting there eating. Nobody was talking. And then my mom just said to my dad, she's like, oh, did you hear that Tupac died? And he just went, huh? And she just went, oh? And she just went, Oh, nevermind.

And that was, that's it. That was the whole thing. But I guess that was when the day that Tupac died. So there you go. When was that? Do you know your earliest memory? 27th,

1996. Okay. Yeah. So that was right on. Do you know your earliest memory, Taylor? Uh, yeah. When I was, on. Do you know your earliest memory, Taylor? Yeah, when I was two.

Or no, maybe it was my third birthday, either my second or third birthday. I was obsessed with monkeys. Sorry, September 13th, 1996. Close. Okay, thank God. Thank you for clarifying. I did that for myself okay thanks for announcing it

what was I saying oh yeah what was I saying fuck earliest memory oh the monkeys the monkey yeah my second or third birthday I was obsessed with monkeys loved them and so my parents to surprise me ordered a monkey trainer with two small chimps very young

chimps to come to my birthday party kirby and kimmy somebody comes from well the male the male chimp was super super chill he was cool uh i got for my birthday this little like kawasaki it's like a four-wheeler that's tiny and electric and little kids can ride it around i would ride it around and i let kirby try it too and i loved watching the monkey ride it but kimmy was a little fucking cunt. A little cunt. And she came over and I was riding on it. And I just wanted to touch the monkey because I was obsessed with them.

And she came over and she just pushed me off the Kawasaki and took it. Just rode off with it as the parents were laughing. Look at the monkey. The monkey stole Taylor's present. Isn't that cute? And I'm like, I'm fucking three and I can't defend myself against this jungle creature. Assholes. It's my birthday today. It is my birthday, one of the first few.

You won't get this back and you're laughing at me. I'm not here for your amusement like those goddamn monkeys. This thing could've tore my fucking fingers off, mom and dad. What were you thinking putting me next to a monkey? In a second would've fucking pulled your teeth out of your face. Yeah, just for fun. Just to be like, I wonder what'll happen if I do this. You're insane. I've gone down some internet rabbit holes, man. I've gone in on monkey attacks.

Oh, I have gone in on monkeys. I've watched most monkey videos out there. They're still so interesting. But yeah, that was my first memory, is being pushed off that Kawasaki and looking back at that little monkey wearing the pink dress so it was all dressed up like a kid and then just driving away.

Holy shit. That is going to be, obviously, the best first memory out of all of us. I don't think we should continue. I can't even remember what's my first. I don't know how you do that. When you're three or four,

how well is your timeline based anyway? I don't know the time. I can't put the timeline together from those years. What it is with me is i feel like my earliest memories i'm not sure if they're real if they're implanted like i kind of remember looking up out of a crib or something but i could have just implanted that one that i know is real is it was a it was christmas eve and i was probably three ish or something and the christmas tree was next to the couch so you could stand on the arm of the couch and reach fairly high on the Christmas tree. And I was reaching for like, I don't know if it was

the angel on top or some ornament on it or something, but I got to it. And as I pulled it, I noticed that the tree was coming down and my three-year-old dumb ass mind thought, Ooh, this has potential. So I kept pulling on it and I yanked the tree over until it fell on the ground and broke a bunch of the ornaments and caused a big clatter and I was very pleased with myself. And you didn't even get in trouble because you're so young it doesn't matter.

Yeah, they were just disappointed at the situation. Like, ah, yeah, what are you going to blame the three year old? Can we watch this jockey commercial? It was the one I was talking about with the planning the flag and everything. I love this look. It's 30 seconds.

It's great. All right. Is everyone queued up at zero? Yeah. One moment. Make sure this is good. All right. Ready, set, play.

Jockey has supported legends like General Patton, Babe Ruth, and Buzz Aldrin, who went to the moon. But imagine if Buzz had worn today's jockey underwear. He would have planted the flag on all the planets. You're not mankind. In America, it dips. On the entire Milky Way. That's because jockey is quality crafted to last longer.

Guaranteed. Now, I got to say, me undies support your cock much better than those Jockeys. Their slogan may be supporting greatness, but I don't see it there. My me undies really present Dave Thomas down there in a way that's pleasing to the eye. Dave Thomas? Yes. Who's Dave Thomas? That's my penis.

What's the inception of Dave Thomas? Open late. We're open late and it's always great. I don't know. I don't fucking know. We've got free frost. Triple meat. Yeah.

Well played, Harley. Make any connection you want to make there. But I think Woody and I have talked about this before. Penis really does look nice in those MeUndies. It's pleasing to the eye. I like the look of it. It really is no joke. You might consider yourself a guy with an average size package,

but in MeUndies, you have a super size package. It is presented in such a way that no one in their right mind would turn it down. Alright, so now we have to undo the video. Yeah, just click your video buttons. Click your video thing. It'll take a while, but it'll happen. You know,

as hosts, we get sent a lot of stuff all the time, and sometimes it's a hit, other times not so much. Well, Movement sent us some watches the other day, and I have to say, these things are totally a hit. It's like when you get something new and everybody at work is always asking where you got it. I've got the classic black one. That's the one I ordered. Movement watches were founded on the idea that stylus watches don't have to be expensive. By selling online, they're able to cut out the middleman and give you the best possible price. Movement watches start at just $95.

At a department store, you're looking at $400 to $500 for a watch like that. You'll look sharp at the office or going out at night, and there are no hassles. Just order online with free shipping, free returns, and a 24-month warranty. So join the movement by saying no to big brand retail markups, go to MVMTwatches.com slash PKA today, and they'll give you 15% off your entire purchase. MVMTwatches.com slash PKA. They really do look nice. Prior to getting my movement watch,

I guess that's how you use MVMT, I bought these cheap Timex ones, thinking that's all I need. I'm a Timex kind of guy. And then I got the good one and I was like oh I take it back. This moving one is so much nicer. Yeah I like my watch.

Like the weight to it. That's way way better. What have you been doing in your spare? Oh Colin's foot. Let's talk about that. Did he get the boot off? Or is that coming? He got the boot off yesterday. He's still limping and walking funny and stuff i so harley you may not know about six weeks ago nearly exactly six weeks ago my son and i were splitting wood in the backyard and uh you know i had the grown-up size axe and he had like the smaller axe and we're there and

we're both splitting wood and things are good dad and colin and when i was his age i was splitting wood and flip-flops so i thought you know he was okay and he had work boots on and stuff it's true and uh um anyway he missed the log and or he just chipped it or something and it went into the top of his foot and the axe split three tendons on the top of his foot so you need this sort of five toes the middle three he lost the ability to use them they could go down but they couldn't like stay straight or anything like that so we had that surgically repaired the next day and it looks like he's gonna be alright you may have a little numbness and his foot turns a little purplish or something, but that should go away too.

And yesterday, for the first time, he got out of his like big protective boot. He made it so that he couldn't move his toes, he couldn't move his ankle, you know, he just sort of clotted around. He could walk, but now he's in a regular shoe. And I think he doesn't have flexibility in it like he really can't do this very well with his toes but um that will come he's 12 uh he just got out of the boot yesterday and uh he's yeah so he's getting around with a regular shoe on tends to wear a soccer shoe that's cool i like it off because to me that boot was a monument to bad parenting it's just like like i've really held myself responsible you guys can move on to your ninja sword classes like you'd intended yeah of course you got your katanas you got daddy katana

and the child type katana razor. Razor sharp, of course. I have a question. First of all, I'm glad to hear that he's healing well and that it's coming together. But I need to know because is that bad parenting? Like at what age do you give the kid the ax then and let him hit the wood but i'm genuinely asking because i come from a jewish family where at like i'm 30 years old my door could open up right now and my mom will walk in this house and start doing my laundry so it's like the opposite of that i can almost say that that's bad parenting on the other end of the spectrum if i took an axe now at 30 years old she'd be like harley put that down you're

gonna hurt yourself so i want to know like at what when would you when is the the age that you give the kid the axe it's hard to say so i was 10 when i started working my first axe i was a boy scout that's when i joined at like 10 and a half. And they taught us to chop wood. They taught us to use a knife, stuff like that. Like that was actually the main reason I joined the Boy Scouts, like because I could start using edged cool shit. And, you know, we would take down trees and chop them and make firewood and do stuff like that. And they taught us how to whittle, make little spears or whatever, carve soap.

And so I was 10. Colin has special needs. But, like, it's not like he's dumb or anything. It just takes him – sometimes he doesn't always get your message, right? Because they call it his – What kind of special needs? His – so he's on the autism spectrum, and he has trouble with his receptive, receptive and expressive language. Right.

So, uh, but it's not like he can't learn like his math. you know, I used to be a, I was an integration for about five years actually. Okay. So as an example,

his math is getting good enough that my wife wants me to take it over because her math is not good enough. He's homeschooled, uh, to teach him anymore. So she's, she's stepping up to the better math person in the family. But his reading is more delayed.

And, you know, on a side note, disciplining him is always hard, because it's hard to pin down, like, well, maybe he just didn't understand this rule, or maybe he's just fucking with you and pretending he didn't understand this rule. And so when you teach him how to work an axe or something, you're like, eh, you know, like like maybe it doesn't lock in the same way. But he didn't do anything wrong. He did exactly what I told him to. He just made a mistake and missed the wood.

And, you know, the motion just went right past the log and into his foot. So when's the right time? I don't know. For me, it was 10. I thought 12 was okay with him. I got a handgun at 4. Don't sweat it. I got my first gun when I was like 6, maybe.

I think that's fine. I think it's okay. That video you commented on with I think maybe somebody posted on the PKA Reddit where the guy was chopping wood differently right where that like that's a crazy russian hacker or whatever where he just

finds bad ways to do easy tasks oh I like him he's a nice guy that is the worst there you know why people don't fucking chop wood like that no I don't have an axe that's razor sharp that he just bought with his fresh youtube money then you're gonna hit that thing with a dull kujo, and it's gonna flip at your face, and you're gonna look like a goddamn retard when it hits you right in the nose and breaks it. That, you put too small of a log there, you look like an asshole when you hit it and just, foop, foop, foop, right

into your face. That, I wanted that to happen in that video so bad, but of course it didn't, because he, he bought a brand new axe because he doesn't actually chop wood, because this isn't a real trick, because because nobody oh my god It's so fucking stupid that whole channel I went through and watched like five different videos teaching me how to open a container of crayons better It's like my god

How many people are struggling so much problems that they need to look it up isn't it easier to just do the long way instead Of searching on YouTube to find someone who's like that guy nice guy. Do you know? You know you know all the Russians, and I'm sure he's a nice guy. A little, yeah. I'm sure he's nice. You know all the Russians. And I'm sure he's a very nice guy. But, I mean, tell me to eat an apple from top to bottom and doing all these sort of things. He showed me how to take my shirt off with one hand.

Yeah, all the times you need that skill, you know? What if I'm injured? My left one's down. So... Oh my God. Well, shucks, now that I didn't think about it, but Taylor's right. I can imagine a scenario where you hit the log and it starts flipping toward you instead of splitting. I don't know.

I think what we're going to do now is I have a hydraulic log splitter. He works the lever. I put the logs in place. We're a team. That's where we're going to go. Oh, I want to show you his boots. Yeah, show the boots. I'll be right back. Boots are badass.

Real quick, as a caveat, I don't know the Russian hacker guy. I just thought a couple of the videos I watched were silly. I feel a little bit bad now if he's a really nice guy. He is a real nice guy. Okay, well, I feel bad. Yeah. It's silly.

I've talked to him a few times about collaborating some way, but it's kind of hard to come up with something that's interesting and fits both our little genres. He's got a cool high-speed camera that I thought we could utilize. Do you – when you watch his videos, though, do you ever feel – like you can tell when you're really stretching to try and like make a tip? I mean he makes a lot of content, right? So I mean how many amazing things are you going to come up with a week, right? I mean some of them are just like, oh, nifty. Check this out. Some of them are innovative and cool. So i don't know anything about like i'm not a doctor but like the

doctor of common sense says well shucks like if something would have happened these tendons now it might be more difficult to repair them you know like there's two cuts in there you get a bigger fucking mess than than you like originally would have or maybe they're weak or whatever so I wanted to get them good boots these boots have a metatarsal guard on them they're for fucking like they're for welders who might have like molten steel hit them or they're for

lumberjacks it's chainsaw proof it's like carbon fiber something or other that goes maybe you should step them up to the chainsaw they make those in child size. So it's steel toed and then it has this like carbon fiber metatarsal guard on it. It looks like a Skechers.

It looks like a death metal boot. It's Timberland. So yeah, these aren't sponsored or anything but it just should make his foot safe This is it you do something to dramatize the intensity of that protective shield maybe with like a bat or a stick or something bladed

Shit, just so we can really know that he's gonna be safe. I have like the weakest around here. I want to be like It'll resist plastic camera cases all day don't even think about dropping your reading glasses we'll take a 22 round that's the question i think it might i think it might it's i don't do you think it would kyle you think it would punch right through yeah i think it'd shoot out the bottom of it i saw a spoon block at 22 i call uh yeah it makes sense though because it's curved right sure it's gonna immediately deflect all that energy off to the side right kyle you think a 22 penetrates this yeah i think there's steel in it i it's not going through any significant amount of steel now. This shit is like... But just because it's Kevlar doesn't mean it's necessarily like the ballistic mesh Kevlar.

I think there's something special about the way they weave that stuff when they're going for a bulletproof application. I'm no expert, but I've worked with body armor. I really wish I had something more significant to hit it with. Hydraulic breasted. That's what you got to do. That's a good call. I pressed it. I want to start a Kickstarter campaign to make Taylor the host of his own hydraulic press channel.

Let's get that Finnish guy. America should be leading the charge in the hydraulic press YouTube game. There should be some Finnish guy out there crushing shit better than we can crush shit. Let's get a Kickstarter going, get Taylor enough money to get him a hydraulic press, and he'll do character voices for the press every week. He'll dress the press up

as a Mexican one week, and he'll be Senor Crushingstein or something. Very offensive. He'll crush some Mexican shit or whatever. Just do a different stereotype every week. But crush big stuff, bigger than this other guy could ever crush. This guy, we'd be crushing things that this guy would look at and say, well, that can't be crushed.

But we look at it and say, that can certainly be crushed, sir. You just don't have the equipment. Yes, exactly. Like, I don't know what he's got. Let's say he's got a 100-ton press. We get a 150-ton press. I've heard that. They call that the starter press

i think i told you the other night like like um what am i like my dad's tractor is front end loader is i think it was like 45 to 55 000 it's somewhere in that price range and i consider that a high dollar piece of fucking machinery um it's it's the kind of piece it's the kind of piece of machinery that when you do that, you're like, well, this is kind of a lifetime investment, especially for my dad. His neighbor came over and saw it and went, oh, that's a nice starter tractor you've got there.

Because this guy's got like $4 million worth of John Deere stuff. He replaces combines every year. He doesn't give a fuck. Like he's got 15 antique tractors that he because he collects those like so he sees my dad's little track nice starter tractor you got there so the same thing could apply both ways I guess one of the things about it implies storage now what if we got one of those shredders are you familiar with the shredders oh the ones it looks like with the red like 30 those are so

mesmerizing by 32 bowling balls maybe bicycles tires bowling pins uh we could buy like 600 old pool cue ball things we put cow we put a whole cow in there we put yeah it's in there we put one cow that sounds like something the Finnish guy would do we put a bunch of baby yeah that machine that destroys everything I love it yeah it's so mesmerizing I like seeing it do the tires like when you just throw a tire in there because it does like the bounce initially and then somehow it just just latches on all I'm saying here is that for far less than what the fans put up out there for Wings of Redemption's weight loss, which I think came to like $11,000 that we raised for Wings weight loss. I feel like we could, you know, for like five grand these presses are, something like that.

I think this would be hilarious. I think this would be so fucking funny. I want to see Taylor as the host of this thing, being really upbeat and perky, with a handheld mic, like one of those long, thin ones that comes up. Oh, like some of the host in the 70s? The real one.

There's some other hydraulic press shows out there. You know, those 10-ton boys. Well, let me show you the Benford Crush-o-matic motherfucker 1000. 175 tons of crushing, smushing, mushing power. Let's throw some shit in there. And you throw big shit in there.

I want really bad, like, G-rated puns as well. And I want to have bad, kind of like, star sweep transitions. When I'm like, today we're going to be destroying some, you know, coffee cans. Right this way. And it goes like, star sweep transitions, when I'm like, today we're gonna be destroying some, you know, coffee cans, right this way, and it goes like, shh, and then it's me standing right next to it again, and it just looks fucking horrible, it's bad, like, I like

Tim and Eric style editing, where, like, after I'm phased back in, there's like a, like, it's a little bit shitty, I love, I think that is, I don't know why, I think that style of humor is so funny, when Tim and Eric do stuff like that. And you look, with the beard, you look just a little bit shitty. I don't know why. I think that style of humor is so funny. And you look, with the beard, you look just a little bit like Billy Mays. So I feel like if you did a Billy Mays character

and put on the blue shirt and khakis and, Hi, Billy Mays here! Billy Mays here! Gonna break some cocaine out and crush some stuff! I overdosed six years ago. My family resents me. I'll take the $100 I win from Chiz on this election bet and put it right into that Kickstarter campaign.

Thank you. What is the bet? $20,000. His delegate number. If Trump hits his delegate number, I get $100. Interesting. Don't know. So Chiz is still betting on...

Yeah, he has to win the nomination. Yeah, he's going to win the nomination. Oh, that's easier than getting his delegate number, kind of. No, if he got the delegate number, he would be guaranteed to be... They're kind of one and the same. Well, he could get it on, like, the second vote or something like that. Yeah, that's true. But I bet that he would get the delegates.

That is the... That's the bet. And that's what I think is going to happen. Oh, yeah, I see. I bet that he would get the delegates. This is all very boring for you for for probably everybody we've hit on this forever but yeah he needs trump needs to get 58 of the remaining delegates at play however new york is coming up next it's winner take all uh then a bunch of little states i think trump takes is probably going to take it one or two of the next ones that are kind of winner take

most but then california comes up and cruises bible belt tea party super anti-woman but for real not just the propaganda they spread against trump anti-woman bullshit ain't gonna play well in california trump is the guy who allowed transgender to be in this universe trump is the guy who's got african-american women leading his company trump is the guy who had a woman build Trump Towers. He's incredibly liberal in his track record as far as hiring practices. Yeah, this guy, I mean, I feel like Trump is a real... I don't feel like he did that because

I don't think he did that where he was like, oh, black lady, yeah, throw her in charge. I'll need her as ammunition later in life. I think that he's a businessman at heart and when he was doing that, he's like, that black lady is the best person for the job. Fuck everybody else. You go do that. Yeah, I think that he's a businessman at heart and when he was doing that he was like that black lady is the best person for the job fuck everybody else you go do that yeah I think that's the case

but yeah that's our bet we've got I hope I win it we'll see at the risk of doing too much politics did you guys see the interview where he said women should be punished for abortion he took that back right away didn't he

two hours later. Yeah, and they're still nailing him to the wall for it. And he was so cornered into saying that. I've got the video. It's a minute and a half long. Do you guys want to see it? It's only fair to watch videos like this because you hear labels put on people

and it's important to actually see why they're calling him that. Because you can hate Trump because of his policies or because he's unqualified or whatever but you shouldn't hate him because of some idea that you have that this is not quite true if you look at the evidence let's watch this watch him so let me preface it before we press play together to me i felt like he just didn't know the answer right he hasn't been pro-life his entire life and they were like decided pressing and pressing him well do you do you punish the woman do you punish the woman do you punish the woman i think if he had known that like oh no the typical answer on this is you punish the doctor the woman's a victim he would have immediately jumped on that um he just didn't really know

what to say about it so ready set play and donald trump should the woman be punished for having an abortion? Look. This is not something you can dodge. If you say abortion is a crime or abortion is murder, you have to deal with it under the law. Should abortion be punished? Well, people in certain parts of the Republican Party and conservative Republicans would say yes, they should be punished. How about you?

I would say that it's a very serious problem, and it's a problem that we have to decide on. But you're for banning it. Are you going to say put them in jail? Well, no, but I'm asking you, because you say you want to ban it. What's that mean? I am against. I am pro-life, yes. How do you ban abortion? How do you actually do it?

Well, you know, you'll go back to a position like they had, where people will perhaps go to illegal places. Yeah. But you have to ban it. You ban it and they go to somebody who flunked out of medical school. Are you Catholic? Yes, I think I...

And how do you feel about the Catholic Church's position? I accept the teaching authority of my church on moral issues. But do you know their position on abortion? Yes, I do. And do you concur with that position? I concur with their moral position, but legally I get to the question. Here's my problem. No, no, but let me ask you, but what do you say about your church? It's not funny. Yeah, it's really not a funny thing. What do you say about your church? They're very, very strong. But the

churches make their moral judgments, but you running for president of the United States will be chief executive of the United States. Do you believe in punishment for abortion, yes or no, as a principle? The answer is that there has to be some form of punishment. For the woman? Yeah, there has to be some form. Ten years? I don't know. That I don't know.

Why not? I don't know. You take positions in everything else. Frankly, I do take positions in everything else. It's a very complicated position. Yeah, he's really backing the corner there. I don't know what answer to give. They really cornered him

into saying like hey if it's bannable if you're banning it how do you do it do you punish the woman you're banning it how you doing it punish i want to know what it is how you're going to do it if you're going to ban it you're going to punish the woman are you going to punish the woman are you going to ban it if you ban it you got to punish the woman and he's doing everything he can not to punish the the woman and the deal is this is just a guy that hasn't been in politics for a decade. He's kind of been in politics because real estate is politics, but certainly not this thing. And he just didn't know.

He had never seen the answer key on this question before. I expected that to be way more over-the-top crazy based on what I've heard people say. That's what all these Trump things have been, is every time someone's like, did you hear what he said, like, two days ago here? He said, you know, Mexicans don't even deserve to be in Mexico. They should leave there and go to Honduras instead.

He said all of them are so close, it's disgusting that they're breathing the white people air and that they need to leave. Did you believe that? And then you go and listen to it, and they're like, so you do want to get rid of illegal immigrants? He's like, well, you know, I think that's a very strong position, and I stand by it. It's like, well, what?, I think that's a very strong position and I stand by it.

It's like, well, what? Like even this, I thought this was going to be a thing where he was like, women need to be punished for this. It's out of control. Like we need – like no, not even at all. They had to pull – they were pulling teeth to get that answer. You know what? I got to say something. I got to say something.

Too bad. something too bad like you're the president of the united states like the most powerful man on earth you like you can't really fuck anything up like that on a show like you can't be like oh like he he pulled my teeth and made me give that answer, I just watched this thing the other day. It was this awkward moment. And I think it was like, I'm going to mess up who the guy was. But what happened was the guy shook Obama's hand. I don't remember the context. He shook Obama's hand and then he grabbed Obama's other arm and like, tried to lift it up with him like this. Oh, yeah. I saw that. And Obama, like his arm was loose. Yeah, like limp.

And it hung there. Thank you. It's an awkward looking thing. But that awkward looking limp arm is the exact opposite of having your teeth pulled and giving a shitty answer because you get your teeth pulled by like another world leader and you get like the photo snapped or the video taken and like the wrong type of answer by getting your teeth pulled is a fucking war or fucking dead people or you know what i mean like you're like president of united states like you gotta have a fucking serious brain on your head and you gotta always be on your a-game and you can't be spray tan just off the cuff killing it you want to entertain the masses

because fine you'll entertain your own people but then like think about sending trump to another country to shake hands with another world leader, how delicate that process is. I was watching this thing, Obama's limp arm, and I was like, God damn, President of the United States, there's so many little mind games that take place there. I watched this one video where it looks ridiculous. It's two Arabic leaders pushing each other through a door. Yeah.

And you don't know what the fuck that is. You're like, what are they doing? They're being so silly. No, there's like this like system of the superior goes last. So these two guys who thought they were on the same level, one thought that they were greater than the other, were trying to push the other one through the door to go through the door second. And it kind of looked ridiculous. But like part of being president is knowing like what can be thrown at you and what you can and can't say.

And if they ask it like this or they do it like that or every little thing like you got to navigate such a delicate path that if you're going to go on there and be like, yeah, women should be punished for abortion. You made me say that. It's like too fucking bad man you're the fucking president you don't ever say that shit you always got to be on your a-game you always i just don't feel like yeah you can't get away with it i don't know like you can't just write i agree with that that's no big deal but at the same time like i'm just saying that i don't like the whole sensational I did everything is dramatized with him more than anyone is just everything he says even if it's not totally out there crazy it's so it has to be I mean I mean shit I watched Ted Cruz eat a booger on national television I do want to talk about some unprecedented shit he ate a booger I watched it the booger lands on his top lip he continues to speak it it'sates to the bottom lip and then at some point

A fucking zodiac killer ate that motherfucker. I beat you to the punch My American politics knowledge is fucking all in stupid internet video bits Literally, that's everything I can gather because like I'm not big into politics There's real shit about Hillary. Hillary's the one who voted for the Iraq war. 200 fat dead civilians. She made that decision. She looked at the evidence, weighed it, looked at everything and said, yeah, let's go ahead with that. She's the one who referred to Iraq mid-war, mid-meltdown as a great American business opportunity.

That's how we should look at this. And meanwhile, Trump did some smart stuff, right? I remember back when, um, I remember them saying, Hey, look, they just spent like $10 million on advertising for the Iraq war. This is Bush did it. And they asked Trump what he thought. And he's like, you know, it's not that crazy. He's like, I would spend a hundred million. I'd spend a hundred million dollars telling everyone how we just won. And I'd bring the troops home. And this was in like 10 years ago. That sounds pretty smart in retrospect. Go just say, yeah, we won the war.

Congratulations. Plant a flag. Get the fuck out. Because what happens when we stayed there? Like nothing great has happened. ISIS took over Al-Qaeda. They propped up any fucking government that would have stood,

made them sign some ridiculously uneven agreement for their oil, and gotten the fuck back out of there. And if they needed money to keep the masses in line, we should have pumped it to them. And Harley's right in that the president can say something and it moves markets. The president says the wrong things. S&P 500 drops 300 points. That's not good. And Trump is likely to make a mistake like that.

But the question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to try an outsider or not? Right? There is nobody who hasn't spent all this time in politics who's never going to be stumped during questions like this. Is it important that the person has had, you know, 15 years worth of political breeding? Or do you actually want to try something different i don't know the answer i'm not i sound pro trump but i'm really not um i just i'm intrigued by the idea of trying something new i know what you mean clinton's only been elected to one office right her her senate seat during that time in office she sponsored you know

they always talk about sanders and his failed tenure, and how many bills has he sponsored that actually went through and did a thing. Well, Hillary did sponsor three that came through. She renamed a post office, she named a historical landmark, I think, and she named a street, I think, and the naming of something else. That was her entire contribution as far as bills proposed and passed into law during her tenure. Other than that, she was selected to be Secretary of State

by Obama because he needed her to make sure he beat the GOP. And then she married Bill Clinton. Well, she has more experience than just her time in the Senate. I think that's incorrect to say, right? I remember when Bill Clinton was running back in 1991, 92, he was saying, hey, you vote for me, you get two presidents for the price of one,

right? That was a thing. That was a platform that he ran on. And then, you know, he handed her, like, going off Slick Willy's word, Michelle Obama is leading, like, fitness in schools or better diets for kids or something like that. And that's fine. I'm not knocking her. I love Michelle Obama. But Hillary Clinton was leading the health care effort. She tried to do, failed. What was Obama's signature bill? Obamacare. She was different.

But that was the type of initiative she took on. She was not just a first lady. She was a, I don't want to say co-leader. She wasn't co-president but do you think they have a marriage of convenience now they do yeah chiz this graphic that you just linked shows that proportionally they're pretty much the same god damn it cheers get better propaganda it's this who gets things done better bernie sanders or hillary clinton congressional bills

introduced bernie Sanders, 5300 because he's father time. Hillary Clinton, 2100. And then it's just like, look how much smaller the number is on Hillary's side. Look how much bigger it is on Bernie's. It's like, these are proportionally very similar. I don't know. That's not like a, that's what's

not convincing about so many of the Bernie arguments is that you feel like the arguments aren't there because so much of what you find when you are researching about him is like minutiae comparing him versus other candidates like small little charts like that that really don't mean much you know so what you see the who gets things done maybe i'm just missing oh i'm looking at it incorrectly but it doesn't if anything it looks like hillary clinton has a much higher percentage of her bills that were considered that eventually made it to law. So, I mean, if they were businesses competing, Hillary could put this exact same graphic out there and go,

ah, but when you actually analyze the data, see this, I'm more efficient. Did you see that the DEA is going to rule in the first half of this year on whether or not to reschedule marijuana? No, I didn't see that. There is going to be a DEA ruling as to whether they should or should not reschedule marijuana. It's currently a type 1. When is that? Within the first six months of this year, they said.

Wow. In less than 60 days. That would be really awesome. So many states would be just making money hand over fist. Maybe. That would be really awesome. So many states would be just making money hand over fist. Maybe. That would be great. I don't want to go in and beat the legalized weed dead horse because it's been done a thousand times. And I feel like anybody who's even interested in it knows that it's a good idea.

From incarceration rates to the tax savings to putting the cartel out of business to stop funneling money to terrorists. You know, all those things make it a good idea. So let's hope it happens. Yeah. Well, Sanders introduced that one, Chiz. Well, then there you go. Excellent bill, Sanders.

Yeah. Schedule 1, I think, Sched schedule one's the worst right it isn't like heroin schedule two heroin no no heroin is one so is lsd um i i saw today that giuliani endorsed trump by the way giuliani said he's voting trump he didn't endorse him actually i think he specifically said i'm voting for him but i won't endorse him. Fair enough. Okay. What does that mean? What's the difference there? It's pretty subtle. I think it means that he's anti-Cruz more than anything, and he's really anti-Hillary

more than anything. He thinks Trump can beat Hillary, and he doesn't want Hillary to win, but he's not necessarily standing behind anything that Trump is for. How does anyone vote Trump? It's so insane to me. Really? It's not that he's great. It's the competition.

It's the competition. Yeah, but that's always the rule. I understand that's always the rule. That, like, you know, you're just picking the least worst. But I don't like how. He's the least worst for us. To a lot of people, he's the least worst. I've never had an election where I dislike the candidates as much as I do this year.

And I'm old. When Clinton ran, I actually never voted for Clinton. I voted for Ross Perot twice. What about Merce Sanders? I never really hear bad things about him except the socialist thing. You won't hear them in certain parts of the internet at all.

Online, you won't hear it at all. No, you just won't. I'm just not down to be a democratic socialist. I'm on the other end of the spectrum as far as that goes. I'm definitely a capitalist first and foremost. I feel like that's the best political system that we have out there right now.

I don't think the others work. And not to say that capitalism is perfect by any means. I just think it's the best. Just like Trump is the best of the candidates I have to choose from, capitalism is the best of the systems that I have to choose from. And I feel like it's the one where the cream rises to the top, where the hardworking succeed and prosper, and where the lazy sometimes get what they fucking deserve

instead of a handout. That's just kind of how I feel about that. I think that if you give a handout to a lazy person, then that person never stops being lazy. I think that if you have a $15 minimum wage, that those jobs will either be shipped overseas or automated. I think that if you do a minimum salary, which I hear people talking about,

I don't know if it's part of his platform, that there will be a fair amount of people who say, you know what, I'm cool with that. Bernie Sanders himself, it makes me uncomfortable that he didn't draw a steady paycheck until he was in his 40s. And even then it was a government paycheck. And to this day he's worth $300,000

net. Wait, he didn't draw a steady paycheck until he was in his 40s? That's right. That's when he got his first job. Wait, what? 40 years old before he had a job and he's running for president and people are voting for him? Look it up. He didn't have a job until he was 40. That can't be true.

He had jobs, but they were like odd jobs and contractor jobs. Steady paycheck is what we're talking about. He was a conscientious objector in Vietnam, which, say what you will about that, but I mean, I don't know. That kind of rubs me the wrong way too i mean i probably wouldn't have wanted to fight in vietnam either but a lot of people did i was i was hanging out with vietnam to vietnam veterans today and and they brought that up they didn't like it yeah maybe that's like a property like i was i was slugging shit in a rice paddy and that motherfucker was back home being a pussy and that's how they feel about it you know these guys were over there

and their friends were killed and and they and they literally gun a pussy, and that's how they feel about it. These guys were over there, and their friends were killed, and they literally gunned people down on the other side of the world, and they feel like this guy's a conscientious objector, and that rubs a lot of them the wrong way. What I like about Bernie... I feel like it's insulting because it's like, oh, you thought we wanted to come here? You thought that we were like, oh, hot dog,

we're hopping on a a helicopter plane to Vietnam. And you thought, like, I think, like, intellectually, you can look at it and be like, all right, yeah, he clearly objected to the war. He didn't want to go fight and kill people. Nobody wanted to go fight and kill people, so he found a way out of it. But now it's like, looking back,

it's almost like the political, like, patriotism pressure of like, ugh, how could you elect that guy? Like like he didn't even fight for his country you know even if that's not the end what i like about bernie is i think he's the most honest guy in the race absolutely um i think that he's doing this because he aspires to make america better whereas when i look at like clinton and trump and casick i think they're all doing it because they want to be a part of history. Greed, power, whatever. Bernie has the best motivations, but I just think he's going the wrong way. I think a lot of them really do.

Do you guys get stressed talking about this at all? Not at all. I just look at it and I get stressed out. And I'm not even American. I look at it and I get stressed out and I'm not even American. Like I look at it, I'm like, Oh my God. Like, like it, it seems like an SNL skit in some ways that Trump is like a forerunner to me. And, uh, it's just because like, to me, the guy's like a ridiculous TV host. You know what I mean?

The guy has had like ridiculous, you know business endeavors you know some that completely fail or not the guy is like sued someone because they called him a millionaire not a billionaire and he sued for a billion dollars yeah like true it's it's all like and like that's like you know like to what some of you guys are saying like that's the least worst guy and like that to me is like stressful yeah it is especially for you articles i'm reading articles of like bernie sanders first job they're like he's 65 000 in debt no wonder he connects so well with millennials and like his first wife left him and then he went on unemployment because he went to have her live in a shack and he his first job was his second job was giving out

registering people for food stamps and i'm just like looking like my hands like get sweaty you know what i mean dude bill um trump sued trump sued bill maher for saying that he was the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan and then you know and then like on the screen they'd put like the orangutan which is like orange hair and stuff next to trump like juxtapose and you're like i see it i see it so then like he uh he wrote this like you sued him so there's paperwork and bill maher takes it he runs with he puts it on tv and it's like you know my client is indeed not the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan and uh they had to go back and forth so bill maher is like i want to see your birth certificate that proves that

you know because he was a birther which is one of the worst things about Trump maybe he thought Obama was born in Kenya or something and and then you know he's asking for the birth certificate he's asking for the long form birth certificate that proves that he this mother didn't have sex with an orangutan

it was fantastic but it's ridiculous and and I see where you're coming from Trump is a bit of a jackass in many ways. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Well, he's built his character up so long that now he can't even not be it. His enemies, I hate his enemies so much that I want a jackass to go against him. I feel like I need one.

He's a son of a bitch, but he's a son of a bitch who hates the people and is hated by the people that I also hate. I feel like Hillary Clinton, and I've said it before and I'll say it again, Obama made healthcare the cornerstone of his presidency. Hillary Clinton's going to make gun control the cornerstone of hers. And a big part of that is holding gun manufacturers responsible when some lunatic goes on a shooting spree. That's like holding Ford Motor Company hostage when liable when some guy goes on a crash spree. No, on purpose. Just make it terrorism. Make it a guy getting in his car

going through a crowd in Vegas. You don't hold Ford Motor Company. You don't say why does the Ford Excursion have a V10 engine in it? Why does it have 575 horsepower and 625 foot pounds of torque. Let me show you how many horses that's actually equivalent to.

And they like get up a big map. You don't do that. You don't talk about how many like RPMs that the thing's making. But they do that to an AR-15. They say, look at this thing. It's spitting out fucking 500 rounds per minute of killing power. And they go on and on and want to hold Colt or Daniel Defense or whoever the fuck liable for that.

What the fuck did they have to do with it? It's the asshole who went and did the bad thing and committed the crime who's responsible. What was the real culprit? That's the scariest thing about her. Who is it that's actually bad? Is it Lexus Sedans? What did we go on about? Come on.

You must remember. It's the other ones. Infinity Sedans. Infinity and Sedans. I'll be honest. I never was in on that joke. I don't know what the fuck you guys were always going on about. I wasn't here on the show., Infinity Sedans. Infinity and Sedans. I'll be honest. I never was in on that joke. I don't know what the fuck you guys were always going on about. I wasn't here on the show.

I don't know. It was one of my favorite things. So apparently someone killed someone with an Infinity Sedan. So we started making these anti-gun arguments against Infinity Sedans, saying that Infinity Sedans, they needed to be outlawed, that Infinity Sedans are really ridiculous, that they're way too powerful back and forth and i'd be like yeah infinity sedans anyway i can't believe you didn't get the parallel between that and the gun argument i think i had went to the bathroom or something when that inside joke originated because i never

got the or you know zoned out maybe who knows what the fuck and but i was never in on that i got a big kick out of that one it was one of my faves. So Game of Thrones is coming out very soon. I have recently caught up. I watched the past season. Watched it all over again. How far back were you? Pardon? How far back were you?

Oh, I was caught up. I re-watched the episodes. I've seen every episode of Game of Thrones three times, and I've done the audiobooks. I started back, and I'm catching up. I'm going to finish the current audiobook before the new season starts. So I'll be 100% on the books, 100% on the show, having watched every episode three times. And I'm ready to see what's coming. I haven't watched a single teaser.

I haven't watched any of the bullshit spoilers that they put out there. I think Jon Snow's coming back. And everyone that don't, I'm closing my eyes before Woody nods knowingly or something. But I think Jon Snow's coming back. But I don't i'm closing my eyes before like woody like nods knowingly or something but i think john snow's coming back but i don't know for sure you know because i haven't looked into that stuff i'm sure i'm not gonna i'm not gonna spoil it because there's nothing to spoil because like the season ended where the book ended so no one can know a hundred percent he hasn't written it yet oh you could totally know all you got to do is go and look up the casting and see if kit harrington's on the on the bill no i haven't done that i'm just talking about the like logically from the show like there's they can't leave him dead he has to come back that's gonna it's a song of ice and fire you know i think in the end it's

going to be john and denarius somehow to get together rl what is it r plus um r plus j equals r plus l equals j r plus l equals j what but song L equals J. What? What's that? But Song of Ice and Fire. I'll type it to you later. It's kind of a story. Song of Ice and Fire could be just Jon Snow. It could, and I think it is. Yeah, it's not. It doesn't have to include Daenerys at all.

Yeah, I don't think it does. I think Jon Snow is the Song of Ice and Fire. Because Jon Snow, Ned Stark is an extremely noble guy. So noble he'll suck up his own honor and get his own head cut off. Like, that's how committed to being noble and honorable he is. he is so much so that Ned would never ever ever fuck a whore when he's been married to his wife he would never do that and when when his sister was kidnapped Ilya right now that's right Gary I'm by the time to the other one the one that started the war yeah When she was supposed to marry Robert Baratheon

and she got kidnapped by the Targaryen, the Mad King, before the show starts, that's what happened. And that's when Robert Baratheon and Ned Stark went to war with the Targaryens to get her back because the Targaryens kidnapped Ned's sister and she was going to be the queen. What actually happened there was Ned's sister was in love with the Targaryen. She ran away with the Targaryen,

and Ned Stark's sister and the Targaryen gave birth to Jon Snow. And then Ned got there first before Robert Baratheon. She turned to Ned. She gave him Jon Snow, and she said, And then Ned got there first before Robert Baratheon. She turned to Ned. She gave him Jon Snow. And she said, you can't tell anyone about him because they'll kill him. And you have to take care of him and raise him. So Ned took Jon Snow, brought him back to Winterfell.

And he was like, yep, I fucked a whore. She gave birth to this. This is my son. And even though his wife pleaded for him to get rid of it, he wouldn't get rid of it because that's his nephew. And his nephew is a snow or a Stark and a Targaryen. And that doesn't even involve Daenerys. That's just him on his own.

He is the Song of Ice and Fire. Now what I want to happen with Daenerys is I want Tyrion to fuck her on the back of a dragon flying through the air. And that would make me happy. And that doesn't even have to be a Song of Ice and Fire. That could be a Song of Black Nick getting him on the back of a dragon. I'll tell you what I want. I have this crazy theory about the end of Game of Thrones. Okay.

And here's my Game of Thrones where I'm at. I read the first book, and then I watched the first season. And after watching the first season, I was like, that was so identical to the book that fuck the books. I'm on Showtime. Whenever the show's out, that's where I'm at. They'll finish these shows before they finish those books. I'm happy with this.

What this show has done is it's taken us, it's showed us things. It made us love something and then it fucking killed it every single time. It shows you something, it makes you love it and then it kills it. Now, one thing that it's made it made us care about more than anything else is who's going to sit on the throne who's going to be the one sitting on the throne it's going to be tyrian it's going to be john snow someone's going to sit on that throne who's it going to be what's going to happen to winterfell what's going to happen to uh what's it called uh king's landing what's going to happen i'll tell you exactly what's going to happen because this is what happens in every single zombie movie from the beginning of time in every

single zombie story you saw those white walkers they're fucking relentless they are going to keep coming and coming and they're going to kill everyone in their path and they're going to keep going and they're going to get all the way to king's landing and they're going to fucking kill everyone and that fucking white walker king is going to get all the way to King's Landing and they're going to fucking kill everyone and that fucking White Walker King is going to sit on the throne of King's Landing and maybe Jon Snow has a huge comeback but Jon Snow will be nothing more than like ultimately a Rick Grimes

with a small group of our characters that we have to hang on to because they're the last one and Bran's a fucking tree so like we're going to care so much about this little group, and just like in zombie movies, the only thing that ends the zombie apocalypse is quarantine and nuclear.

And so the equivalent of that is the fucking dragons rolling through King's Landing in Winterfell and fucking fire-blasting the entire thing. And George R.R. Martin's going to be like, you fucking idiots. You knew exactly what this was. None of it fucking matters. Everything.

Burn to the fucking ground. I can't believe you ever cared. Can't believe you ever loved these people. I've been killing them off since book one. You thought I was going to give you a happy ending? You fools. Burn to the ground. Everything. You're just going to be happy that Tyrion's busting a nut into Daenerys on the back of a dragon at the end of the show. As everything burns to the ground, you're going to stand up and be like,

well, at least Tyrion got a good fuck out of it all. That's just my theory. I really like your theory. Here's what I really want out of next season here's some things that need to happen next season for me to like be 100% satisfied, satiated with Game of Thrones

have you ever been satisfied with this show? last season was the least satisfying season yet season 1 season 1 was not satisfying at all but there were great moments it was entertaining last season uh frustrated me here's what i want next season though i want the mountain to do some cool badass mountain shit i want him to smash smash smash i want his weapon to be newer and cooler now give him a war hammer like 50 pounds or something i

want him to do cool shit i want cersei to get some dirty awful revenge against the high sparrow well she's gonna do that with the mountain yeah i'm hoping i'm hoping that's why i linked those but it's all about comeuppance with me i want the people who have it coming to get it uh walter fray i'm still waiting on him to get his i'm still waiting on him to fucking pay for what he did to rob stark and his and you know his his unborn child and his wife and and caitlin and everybody i want them to go back and just just do something awful to him just cut his eyes out or something whatever the fuck i need something bad i need something bad to happen those people who betrayed john snow at

castle black i guess i could get over it if he just like rises up like the Messiah and they bow down. And now he's like, you know, supercharged Jon Snow with like fire burning behind his pupils or whatever the fuck. I kind of want him to be godly also when he comes back. I want him to come back. I want him to be like Neo in the Matrix when he like rises up. I was watching an episode. I want him to be like Luke Skywalker, Return of the Jedi, Force choking people. I think he's going to spend several episodes as a wolf.

Yeah, Walder Frey. He will have possessed his wolf. That's where he went, his spirit. With Bran? Yeah. Think he'll get those powers? He has them already. Those transfer powers?

He has them already. He's a warg or whatever they call it, just like Bran is. And that's the next thing I really need next season. I need Bran to come back and to be cool. I need to be interested in Bran. Bran's a tree. No, Bran's... Bran needs to come back like fucking Jedi Master.

He needs to be like controlling dragons with his mind. He needs to be controlling people with his mind. Bran's a tree. You don't get it. Bran is a tree. That's him. We got the end of something. Bran will be a tree and he'll watch everything. Bran is not going to be a tree. That's him. We got the end of something. Brad will be a tree, and he'll watch everything.

Brad is not going to be a tree. He might control a dragon at some point, but he's always going to be that tree. You think he's all in on the tree thing? Brad would not be a tree. He's a tree right now. He's totally not a tree right now. He's a tree. He will not continue to be a tree, and he's not a tree in the strictest sense.

Yeah, Brad's a tree. So I'm going to that tree. That guy's like, I was the tree. Now you're the tree. And he's going to that tree that guy's like i was the tree now you're the tree and he's like oh fuck yeah i'm the tree i can see everything don't you want to see him warg into hodor's mind and suddenly when you have the body of a seven foot eight like behemoth who's not retarded anymore 11 how are you wheeled that he can do addition subtraction he can do At that point why would you continue living your life as the tree boy wouldn't you just start hauling ass to the nearest village to? Just live your life as this not me. I like the hodor thing, but he's got to be a dragon What's that? He's good. I need brand to start taking over dragons and like raising cities and shit.

Bran is on a consciousness where I think he doesn't need to live like a man's life anymore. He has the responsibility of being a tree now. He's not a tree. Is there a lot of responsibility to it? I believe that Bran's big play will be like – like Daenerys will be like, well, I don't want to burn all of Winterfell to the ground because I want to sit on the throne. And Bran's going to be like, bitch, the fucking throne's gone. I'm a tree. I'm taking your dragons.

I'm going to fucking burn this thing to the ground. Well, he could, you know. Get on the back, suck Tyrion's dick while I do it, or sit here and fucking wait till we get back. I think he's going to, you know, have his ability to, like, take over regular human beings' minds at some point. Like, he's still a kid. I feel like he's getting more and more powerful as we go.

We skipped the whole season. He will be able to control humans. I predict next year. He already did. Didn't he already control Hodor? Hodor is retarded now. That's easier. He will be able to control humans, yeah, but he'll always

be a tree. He's not a fucking tree. Why are you insisting he's a tree am i missing because that's what happened he went into the tree i think you were really taking some of those visual cues too literally i think so too because when i was reading the book i did not picture at all what that would happen in the show like i pictured him like walking into a tree like a cutout almost like an alcove in a giant tree trunk i don't know if you picture that kyle when you were so when you go when you when he does it he goes into the tree and like he becomes the new tree god i think he's just seeing through the tree like a portal like using that as an as an

omniscience not omniscient but he's able to see through the eyes of all right george rr martin he's switching to new tree for like a couple months and then he's going back to tree classic and brand can go out and do his own thing. What do you think, Bran? Bran can't walk. Bran's not going anywhere, man. He can control a retarded guy to throw him on his shoulder. You think, Bran, imagine this.

You're a 10-year-old boy. Well, now you're 11. You don't have your legs. You can control anything you want in the entire world why would you ever bring your little vulnerable body out into the world

I'd control a hot wildling and just masturbate but that's because we're men we would be like yeah I need Hodor he's got a big dick I'd go to the nearest village and fuck I think I'd hop in the body of a woman and just try it out yeah that's what we would do well I'm a whore now can't hop in the body of a woman and just try it out. Yeah, that's what we would do.

Well, I'm a whore now. Bran, you can't go back. I guess it was just like, ran out of time. Bran is on that level where he's like, I got a responsibility. I'm going to watch over everything. I'm going to be master of intelligence. Like, imagine this. Jon Snow comes back from the dead. He's master of ice and fire.

He's a fucking you know uh like flaming jesus and uh sounds like a really great gay stripper but so he's flaming jesus now and flaming jesus and bran is like his eyes and ears a couple stance brand could brand like can do so much more by like controlling dire wolves and owls and telling Jon Snow what's happening. He'll get nothing by hopping on the back of some dude and having him bring his body around and flop him here and flop him there. What kind of range does he have? Is he like a remote control type situation? That range is going to get –

Like 2.4 hertz? What are you talking about here? Like 2.4 hertz. What are we talking about here? I don't think that he's going to be able to control the dragons until, if he does, it's going to be like damn near the very last scene in the entire series. See, they said he was going to be able to fly, and I interpreted that as dragons. I mean, there could be Hulk or something lame, like the crow, but I thought they were talking about dragons. I need a lot of things to happen next year.

I feel like the, you know, I mean, the other Lannister girl died. You know, she was poisoned. You got Jaime. Maybe Jaime will do something interesting this year. He's one of my favorite characters, but he just had a lame season last year. What I don't want is any more goddamn Sans. A lame season because he lost his hand. Well, no, he lost his hand, like, a while back. He had a lame

season because he, like like goes to dorn on that stupid fucking mission oh the sea serpent and get he and braun gets in a fucking getting a fucking sword fight with three like tiny women and struggle and almost don't make it and i watched that the other night and just cringe cringe cringe i'm just this is so stupid but she's got two daggers and you got a long long sword. Have any of us ever had a fight with a piece of PVC pipe or anything? The guy with the bigger piece, even if it's just this much... You ever had a noodle fight in a pool?

I ever had a noodle fight in the middle of a Walmart? Yeah. We got asked to leave. You got into a noodle fight with those two girls in the middle of a Walmart and we were filming an episode. I like noodles. Was his noodle named Dave Thomas? Yeah.

Me and Kyle were actually... We were asked to leave that Walmart not very politely either. No, that was after we were walking in and you just, I don't know, you were like, hey, hop in this grocery cart. And I was like, alright, may as well. Seems like a nice guy.

So I hopped in and you just immediately started sprinting towards the entrance of the Walmart as fast as you could with me and this thing. You just ran me into a curve and just started laughing. I was just thinking like, I don't even fucking know this guy that well. What the shit is he... He just tells me to get in here and then pushes me into the

goddamn road. What the fuck? I was hardcore, man. I didn't give a shit. Yeah, because you weren't the one in the... that pushes me into the goddamn road? What the fuck? I was hardcore, man. I was fucking hardcore. I didn't give a shit. Yeah, because you weren't the one in the go-kart. I was happy to switch places. That's the thing. I was probably like, do me, do me.

I remember we went around Target, and you guys convinced me to go in that little cart for old people, and we pretended that I was much older than I really am. You pretended like you had an issue of some kind. Yeah, they thought they were uncomfortable to confront you because you went straight from, you know, oh, that guy's like 38 years old but he's pretending to be

old to like, I don't want to go over there and ask that guy to get off because there might be something wrong with him and I'll be embarrassed. You were playing it off to where nobody was going to come up to you and tell you to get off because they just saw you're like he looks pretty normal but god damn it like there could be something just so close around for a long time with that thing

yeah we ruined their pool I think you call the show right there I don't I don't want any wasted I want to leave them wanting more I think we should call the show right there. I don't want any wasted. I want to leave them wanting more. I think we fucking nailed it. I love that. I agree. Is there anything more to want to cover? It was just a random topic. Let's cut it right there. Fuck four hours. Four hours didn't have to be hit. I loved it. It has to be. These people want more.