Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #278
Episode Date: April 22, 2016This week on PKA, the guys run solo until Wings shows up in the last hour of the show, the guys talk about the idea of doing a hydraulic press YouTube channel, share some of Wing's stories and talk ...about politics.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Damn it!
Now we're live. Are we live?
Yeah, I had a browser in front of Kyle's face.
But no, just for a second.
Just for a second. Take it away, Kyle.
You gotta scrap this shit.
You got a browser over my face?
Just for a moment.
Take it away, Kyle.
According to my contract, I get
the exact amount of FaceTime
as everyone else.
Let me check my text messages for you
for your contract.
We have five very special sponsors tonight.
We have Loot Crate, MeUndie, Squarespace,
ScoreBig, and a brand new player,
Helix Sleep. So we'll hear more
about all those sponsors later in the show, but first things
first, let's get to it. Our guest
didn't show up tonight.
Chiz refused.
Chiz refused, yes.
And he staunchly refused, saying,
I have to listen to more inane babble horse shit from the mouths of these two liars
and watch it on TV.
Oh, they're going to cover something new this time.
Oh, there's going to be some earth-shattering revelations in this debate.
No, it's the same horse shit again.
Hillary and Bernie are going to debate tonight for the umpteenth time, if my accounting is correct.
And Chiz says, I can't miss this one.
The umpteenth episode is always the...
How much money have you sent to the Bernie Sanders campaign at this point, Chiz?
Is it over $4,000?
Can you type that in, Chiz?
Right now, honestly...
$4,387 now. Holy in, Chiz? Right now, honestly, $4,387 now.
Holy smokes.
Chiz.
Chiz, you got to chill out, man.
You're getting out of control here.
There are baseball games that matter more right now than this debate.
And it is fucking April.
You know, we didn't mention the PKN thing.
Oh, two things.
Not PKN. The Patreon thing. Oh, two things. Not PKN.
The Patreon thing.
Yeah, check out Patreon.
Link in the description.
You can get early access and video access to PKA and PKN and all the cool stuff.
There's a private hangout monthly.
Click the link in the description.
See what we offer and support the show.
That would be awesome.
I actually like doing those private hangouts because it's
almost always the same group of guys, so I've kind of gotten
to know those guys. It's the hidden show.
And I see the same...
Yeah, we do kind of a private
PKN type show every
month with those
guys that are at the... I think it's a $50 level or
something, so they're really chipping in. But we're in there
for at least an hour. It usually bleeds over
an hour and 20 minutes.
And it's just me and Woody.
And I don't know if Taylor's ever come to one of those.
You're really missing out on the fun.
But it's me and Woody and like sometimes as few as three of them,
but sometimes five or six or seven guys.
And we just have like a little powwow and talk about whatever they want to talk about usually.
It's fun.
Yeah.
Check that out.
My favorite part about it is they're all very different individuals individuals but it all seems like they got their shit together that's why i say the money dollars of disposable income
because every one of these guys that's what they have in common like it's that they've all got
their shit together by like the one of the guys like a young guy he's like maybe a part-time
student but part-time like working in it and killing it and he's asking woody about oh do i
need to get this special certification?
Do I really need that?
And Woody's like, well, it would add to your resume.
And he's like, all right, then I guess I'll grind it the fuck out.
And he's like, yeah, that's a hardworking guy.
And then the other guy owns his own business.
It's always fun talking to those guys.
Very successful people.
The guy's like 19 years old,
and he builds online gambling sites for a living.
That's one of the reasons I like... So I've been on a couple of Disney cruises.
And they're like two or three weeks long going from like Spain to Florida or something like that, California to Hawaii.
And one of the neat things about it is the other people on it.
Like somehow these people have made their lives in such a way that they can take three week cruises like across the Atlantic or
something. And I like to pick their brains and see like, how'd you do that? A small version of
that is like, you know, I, I, weekends, weekdays, it doesn't really matter to me. And I think we
all, we're all in that, in that situation pretty much. So like, I mean, I'm, if I'm going to go to
the Coca-Cola museum or, or some like fun,like thing that costs $100, $200 to take a date to, I might well do it on a Wednesday afternoon.
And you see the same thing in that situation.
It's like, who else is here on a Wednesday afternoon spending $200 to, like, see the world of Coca-Cola?
You know, it's not that many people.
Yeah, it's cool.
Anyway, I like the Hangout guys.
So, anyway, check that out.
And then we've got another thing we're selling.
Is it Gumdrop?
Is that what it is?
Gumrobe, right?
Gumroad.
Oh, thank you for fixing it.
Anyway, link in the description.
You can buy the first season of PKN, which is 80 episodes.
Yeah, and that awful survival trip.
Looking back, you don't like the survival trip i look
that's i don't even want to get into that whole debacle that there are several reasons i was
upset about the survival trip but um it's just the whole thing i i didn't like i i i hated i
hated being in the woods look i liked being with you two i like and patrick i really enjoyed that
every bit of the time we spent together,
there was never a time when I was like, God, I wish Woody would
go take another fucking bath, or God,
I wish Chiz would go off in the woods. I never felt
like that. I was happy to be with everyone, and I
enjoyed our time together. But the
setting sucked so much, I really despised
it, and I enjoy
my creature comforts. There's a reason I
do this show from a fucking couch.
I think that might be a little bit of rose tinted glasses because i remember you being more than
a little agitated that chiz was not pulling his own weight especially yeah making a fire
okay yeah yeah there were times when we were out there when i when i wish chiz had chipped in a
little bit more like gathering wood and stuff i felt like he half-assed it sometimes but
it was his first time in any kind of an experience like that. I get that he's – that's probably the first time he's ever gathered firewood.
It wasn't my first time.
And, like, I've done a lot of manual labor, like the kind that you don't enjoy doing.
And when you're doing a job like that that you don't enjoy doing but has to be done –
There is no manual labor in which you don't enjoy.
What's wrong with you?
Like cleaning gutters with your bare hands.
Good shit.
Dragging rotten wood through
chigger-infested high grass that's
cutting your ankles and stuff. I don't care for that.
Chiggers are the worst.
I wasn't with you until the chiggers. Now we're lined up.
Those suck.
You guys didn't get chiggers?
That's why I would only wear pants out in the woods.
You get so many goddamn chiggers.
If you told me there was a lot of rotten wood to be drugged somewhere,
especially if there was a fire payoff at the end,
I'd be totally like, yeah, this sounds like a great day.
But the chiggers, that's where I'm on your team.
What I'm getting at is I don't like the discomfort especially.
I totally get when you're doing a job that you don't want to do
but needs to get done, you just put your head down,
you fucking full force ahead.
Like, it's going to be over and you're going to feel better once it's done.
I totally get that.
But if there's a way I can avoid just doing that fucking job,
like I can slip Josh $20 and, like, make that happen,
I'd totally prefer to do that.
And you get entertainment value with that, too.
You can throw sanders up there.
Yeah, I had Josh and his brother come over today.
His brother's 15, Josh is 22.
And I had a lot of yard work that needed doing.
There were some bushes, some shrubbery that had died.
I wanted that pulled up and tossed in a dumpster.
There were some old doors where we had renovated and thrown the doors outside that needed hauling away.
There was an old safe that we ripped out of the wall that needed disposing of.
There was a bunch of shit to do.
And the gutters needed cleaning.
So they were here like six hours today working, and it was very entertaining.
I fucked – when I told you guys this earlier, I feel like you all felt like I was being
kind of shitty with what I did to Josh and his brother.
So what I did was I took a Pepsi can, and I taped an M80 to the top of it and lit it
and tossed it up on the roof with them so it exploded
on them. And I thought
that was fucking hilarious.
Good natured pranks with explosives.
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's an M80.
You know, it's a little firecracker.
That's the thing that kids blow their hands off with.
Yeah. Quarter stick of dynamite.
Not even.
What if you hit that poor kid
in the side of the head and you blow the other half
of his brain
clean out
the only half
I would have felt
comfortable
the only folks
that I'll have
the good half
I would have felt
comfortable holding
this thing in my hand
and letting it go off
you know
it just wasn't a big deal
not around the school
look I'm talking about
you gotta imagine
a Pepsi can
you know
a soda can
do not put explosives in in compressed areas I'm talking about, you gotta imagine, a Pepsi can, you know, imagine. List is a painkiller already.
Do not put explosives in compressed areas and blow them up in your hand.
I also don't like the rationale of, I would let it go off in my hand.
It's like, well, that's not your decision now, is it?
Eve that over there.
Yeah, yeah. If we go to a second puck and I just level you and be like, I'm fine getting hit.
Woody just hit me.
See, that's how I make decisions.
Oh, you're bleeding.
Oh, I can't skate.
That's how I make decisions for others all the time.
Sometimes you have to.
Someone's got to take charge.
Someone's got to just do the thing, and that's me.
I'm the guy who will be like, you know what?
I'd do that, and then I'll do it to them because it's fun and it's funny.
You make that list sound so valiant.
If they'd done it to me, I would have got a real chuckle out of it. It scared the fuck out of the younger one. and it's funny. You make Jack Lissnitz sound so valiant. If they'd done it to me,
I would have got a real chuckle out of it.
It scared the fuck out of the younger one.
It was pretty funny.
And then I got one of my little micro drones and buzzed them real fast
while they were up on the roof.
And that scared them pretty good too.
So I had a good day.
I want a drone with a camera in it,
but I think it's pretty expensive.
All right, so it's not it's it's real cheap
uh it just depends what you want the yes it just depends what what what you want to to achieve
with this now i've got these parrot drones over here which to be frank are more like toys than
tools and i think it's like 900 bucks for the drone maybe seven or eight but i think it's 900
bucks for the drone and then like another grand for this you can have it you can have fucking two of them um because i hate
the for real yeah yeah you enjoy get it don't you have a package you're supposed to have mailed to
me that probably you didn't it's mailed out yesterday no way either yesterday for it so
you get your saw your your your sleeping, and your flamethrower.
Your flamenwaffe.
Now, I was going to try.
It'll be there Friday.
I got the confirmation number upstairs.
Awesome.
But I was like, what do I have to pay to get it there on Thursday, which would be today,
so you could have it for the show potentially.
Maybe you go to your fire pit or whatever.
She was like, hmm, well, $112 will get it there by 8 a.m. and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I could fly this thing coach.
Right, right.
So I went with the $20 shipping or something like that.
It'll be there Friday.
I can wait until tomorrow.
Yeah, exactly.
So I've been doing daily vlogs this week.
As people watch this, I think I uploaded four or five videos last week,
one of those two.
And I'm trying to balance it
because what would be bad
is if hypothetically I uploaded PKA at noon on Saturday
and then at 2 p.m. I bump it with a vlog.
Pinky already deserves a little time to gather its views.
So I think what I might do is have Monday through Friday vlogs.
I've been thinking about that.
And, uh, and that would give Pinkular Ready the entire weekend.
And then heck, you know, like the vlogs make reference to PKA and the things I do.
And in some ways they could even pimp it.
I don't know.
I'm still figuring things out, but I've got a new camera coming Monday.
Ooh.
Yeah. It's, uh, I think it's the right one. I have some nice cameras now, but none of them really do the job that I want them to. I've got one that's on a steady cam. That's really
difficult to like operate in the audio. If you don't have an external mic is like super terrible,
extra bad. Um, I've got my phone, which is actually my favorite thing right now.
Go on.
I'm just thinking about video ideas over here.
I love it when you think of video ideas.
People, I've mentioned this before.
Kyle is an endless stream of fantastic video ideas.
Things that like, if I come up with a video idea.
Can you throw this film up on it, like, before I even, like, get the idea?
All right.
This one's a vlog idea.
But, like, if I come up with a video idea, it's precious to me.
I need to keep it and not tell anyone.
Like, here's something that isn't done.
No, it's a video idea for you.
Yeah.
All right.
So here's what I'm thinking.
So let me just go on a little rant here quickly.
So I think Saturday when this will go up, I'm uploading my flamethrower video, which is very, very cool.
So make sure you watch my flamethrower video. I like it a lot.
We shoot a firework one that had like $500 worth of firework.
Saturday, yeah.
So the same day this goes up.
Yeah, same day this goes up. Go check that out. It's awesome.
You can only watch one. Choose wisely.
Yeah, and I put up a shotgun video last week, and it's pretty good too.
I'm doing that acetylene barrel launching thing,
and I want to talk more later about acetylene barrel launching
because I'm pioneering this new fun boy, and it's some cool shit.
But I was talking to Eric, IraqVeteran8888.
That's his YouTube channel.
He just broke a million subscribers,
and we were talking about a collaboration video between the two of two of us what we could do and i don't know
if it'd go on my channel or his channel i'd rather do it on my channel because i feel like it directs
some traffic his way but i'm i'm you know either way usually the person whose channel it's not on
is the beneficiary yeah i suppose so yeah or we could do like the nature of this video might
preclude having two videos one on each channel and having them be
Interconnected because what we want to do is make a giant Rube Goldberg machine that involves shooting
So he would have to go bing bing bing bing bing and maybe all bowling ball starts rolling down a ramp
And it's rolling really quickly
and I have to run up and bing bing bing bing b bing, bing, and clear the way for this bowling ball, shooting things out of its way.
And along the way, there would be fireballs and explosions and, like, flying aspects
and just this overly complicated Rube Goldberg machine that would stretch the length of my valley,
you know, 100, 200 yards long.
And I was just imagining, like, Woody's Gamertag, like, hustling up a fast rope
and, like, getting the top getting the top and hanging from his legs
and hanging upside down and shooting a thing.
I don't know.
I just thought that would be funny to have in a video like that because I know you can
do that really well.
The upside hanging from my leg shooting part has me a little concerned.
I could die.
So much easier than you think.
I'll practice me on the ground.
I'll get you a little harness.
I even have a harness. I've'll get you a little harness. Yeah, with that.
I even have a harness.
I've got a harness in the stable.
I could totally go up there,
clip in, and then do what you're talking about.
I'm down for that.
Yeah, of course we would have to manufacture
our own fast rope assembly.
I'm thinking some scaffolding and stuff.
But anyway, Eric and I were discussing this thing.
Tree climbing gear and a limb, right?
I could arbor it with the little hook around my waist and the – I'm sure I used the wrong word.
But you know how tree people – they have like tree spikes on their boots and the –
The ants?
Yeah, the tree people.
The ants.
They have tree spikes on their boots and then like a line around their waist and they just kind of hook it up and climb and then i latch into a tree limb with the with a little you know safety hook
and then i'm free to use my bad marksmanship i don't know what it would be the hardest part of
this is going to be making that damn machine that actually is interesting enough to look at
where it's not just you shooting a piece of steel so a bowling ball can roll over. It's got to be
over the top like
what's the name of that catch-em
monkey or whatever the fuck that board
game was where you drop the... Mousetrap.
Mousetrap. Mousetrap. Catch-em monkey.
It was good enough.
So I'm imagining aspects
of it that utilize flamethrowers
that are triggered to fire. Aspects of it that
involve balloons filled with oxyacetylene, which
I have mastered now. I figured out how to do it safely.
And I feel like
utilize things like thermite. Like, maybe there's a
thing where thermite gets ignited and it melts
through something. A flamethrower could
shoot a rope that drops a thing.
Yes, all these things could happen.
Like a giant pillar of wax that has the
bowling ball on top of it, and the flamethrower
shoots the wax, and it just is melting wax that has the bowling ball on top of it, and the flamethrower shoots the wax,
and it just is melting so fast,
and the bowling ball just falls down and then starts rolling.
You know?
Great.
We're going to do something like that.
I think Eric has a parrot gun, which is basically a cannon.
So, you know, we'll get that involved.
So it'll be something like that.
It's going to be a really long one.
We want it to be, like, rolling for a while with shit exploding
and catching on fire and being shot. That's one of the cool things about profitable videos like so
like when you first start on youtube and your videos get like 38 views you can only invest
so much in a video that returns a penny right but when you get to like the fps russia level
it makes sense to invest like a lot of time and potentially money in this video because there can
be a return on it and a lot of times we can get a sponsor involved so so like i don't know if
there's steel that needs being shot then we'll see which steel company wants to provide that
steel or pay us to use that steel and that sort of thing.
Find ways to work products in there that aren't going to get in the way of a cool video.
We're going to just amplify it.
Why not use this particular brand of whatever it is if you're going to use it anyway?
Absolutely.
So the acetylene thing, I watched this video.
Can we watch the video of those guys touching off those acetylene barrels?
Link it?
I think we might have watched that.
Or maybe you sent that to me privately.
Yeah, I think I sent it to you privately.
Let me find this.
It doesn't look like a great idea.
It looks like a terrible idea.
Yeah, it does.
Especially the way they do it.
Like if I'm going to light an explosive, I'm going to find some sort of longer fuse.
Just any kind of implement to even light it from really far away.
I'm using a shotgun with either Dragon's Breath or Incendiary rounds.
Yeah, but that keeps you a good ways away.
Exactly.
Give me one moment, please, to fix the cameras.
I know, Kyle, just to fix this, I'm going to fix your camera first so you have more screen time than Taylor.
Yeah, make up.
I did earlier.
All right.
So, yeah, when I first got to making these things, I just put straight acetylene in there and lit it.
And I didn't get a boom at all.
I got like a whoosh and the barrel hopped maybe a foot.
And I instantly knew what the problem was.
I was like, well, unfortunately, I need oxyacetylene,
which means you add oxygen to the mixture.
I know the ratio that you use in a torch is like 5 to 1 or something like that.
So we aimed for something around that and got extremely explosive results.
So much so that the barrels, instead of launching,
the bottoms of them just
turn into bowls and shoot about 300 feet
up in the air. So I'm
going to switch to plastic barrels next time, which
will launch like these.
This is so puzzling.
There's such a big group of people there.
Is this a club? Is this spontaneous?
I'm ready. Are you guys ready. Who brought the barrels?
Who has all the gas?
Who's in charge here?
Ready, set, play.
They're running like they're being timed.
Take this.
This is terrible.
They're taking-
You're taking flaming towels, and just setting it on top of these metal barrels, and looking upward, anticipating later that it shoots up.
And these things are going like, 200 feet in the air or something.
Oh, my gosh.
This is so stupid.
They're not even waiting for the previous one to come down.
Oh, my god!
They're coming down!
Look at that one!
Where- Like, I forgot they come back down! They're coming down. They're coming down. Look at that one. Where?
Like, I forgot they come back down.
They're coming down.
Do you people have jobs?
What are you doing?
Aren't you?
There's like mariachi music happening.
Okay, so that is fucking badass.
And that's what I want to accomplish.
When I tried the other day, the bottoms of the barrels, like I said,
they just exploded and separated from the cylindrical part of the barrel.
And so I'm going to switch to plastic barrels, which are one formed piece.
And they're going to launch like that.
Those are outrageously high.
They're going so high.
Yeah, that's out of control
at least wait for them to come back down before some of those were launching up and they had like
a five second wait time and in that five seconds three more of those idiots were launching off
more barrels and suddenly there's a handful of these steel barrels just kind of a miss in the
air that's what i'm there was no consistency
there there was no you know arbiter of gas distribution or something for all of these
barrels it was just it was colossal just did they put a hole in the top and then the gas is lighter
than air um yeah i can explain how they actually filled those because so i rigged up a whole thing
that makes this safe but what they clearly did is they had their oxy acetylene cutting torch in like the back of a truck and they got the mixture right on
the torch and then they just go to each barrel gas it up and put the cap on the top and but the
problem is some of these guys are the the air's leaking out and they're the the gases are leaking
out there that's why they're hustling around because they don't want the acetylene to leak
and they're getting those tops off real quick and then touching them off you mean you don't think there's a bunch of
stop gaps and safety measures you know no um what i did was i i've got a bottle of oxygen and a
bottle of acetylene and i've got 50 foot hoses running from each of them and i put a bunch of
t joints and l's uh in the line so that it's dispersing oxygen and acetylene uh equally uh
right next to each other.
And I just put the barrels on top.
So I can do everything remotely, and I'm 50 feet away.
Actually, there's literally a wall separating the tanks from the explosions.
And so there's a guy behind a wall who can gas everything up,
and then I'm over there safely shooting them with whatever I'm igniting everything off with.
But I'm going to make a video of just those, I think, because it's because it's gonna be fucking amazing and i'm gonna get a lot of those barrels like i'm gonna try to get 10 or 15
and uh and i want the same time yeah yeah like rapidly that's what i want yeah you just need a
spotter you know yes you need a spotter yes there needs to be like you know move two steps left it's
gonna be like uh you're gonna be like gotmog in the Battle of Minas Tirith
when they shoot that, the trebuchet.
It goes, and he shoots the rock, and then he sees it,
and then he looks at all the other orcs, and he sees it flying towards him,
and he goes, don't move.
And then he waits, and all the orcs are going, wait, this guy's fucking crazy.
Like, look at this guy.
He's going to stand here and die. And then he goes, and he steps to the side, and he sp and all the orcs are going, wait, this guy's fucking crazy. Like, look at this guy. He's going to stand here and die.
And then he goes,
and he steps to the side and he spits on the rock.
Double birds up at Minas Tirith.
Not real.
He didn't do that.
That would break character.
But he did dodge the rock.
That's great.
It's an excellent scene.
Yeah, I like that character with the whole fucked up eye.
Yeah, he's so fucked.
How did that guy climb through the ranks?
You know he had to be good
because he couldn't even see through his life.
That leaky eye.
He must have been a real backstabber.
I know in Shadow of Mordor there are a few characters who are like that.
They get up the ladder because they're conniving and sneaky.
He must have been one of those.
He just had one of those weepy eyes.
Like all the other orcs were farting into his pillow, picking on him.
Like perpetual orc pink eye.
He's the only one who doesn't like when meat's back on the menu.
Pink eye for him.
That's terrible.
So we've got it into RTS, I guess.
RTS?
We started playing a lot of ancient mythology.
The video idea you talked about, was it for me,
or were you talking about the Rube Goldberg thing you were doing?
So I'm already doing a collab.
What I'm saying is I'm already planning this collaboration with him.
And I was just imagining a part with you in it.
Oh, I see.
To include you in some way.
And I was just remembering how you climbed that fucking rope at T1G.
And I'm just imagining you hustling up a rope while a fuse burns and you have to outrun it.
And like, I don't know. You flip upside down and
shoot a thing. For an old guy
that gets fatter every year, I'm curiously
good at climbing ropes.
If there were a rope there
and mine was
a quarter as high
as Woody's, he would still beat me to the top.
If I had to climb 15 feet
up a rope and he had to climb 50,
I'm confident he would beat me up that rope.
He hustles up this thing, and he's got a technique that I don't even have.
I've never climbed a fucking rope before.
I just haven't.
We didn't have any rope at my school.
Well.
Well.
Not that kind.
Yeah.
That kind.
We'll use you for something else.
I don't know what we're talking about.
Is this a drug thing?
A porn thing?
I don't know.
Like a burnt rope.
Are you smoking rope, Kyle?
A burnt rope I thought was supposed to smell like marijuana.
Or is it a bondage thing?
Is this an S&M joke that we're making?
What is this we didn't use our rope for climbing?
I'm just going to buy this.
Did you pull stuck vehicles out with it? I'm just going to buy this.
Did you pull stuck vehicles out with it?
Yeah, that's what I did.
I have no idea what he's talking about.
So anyway.
Does everyone else know?
Is this a thing? Like autistic Woody is the only person not in on this joke?
Like, oh, we used our rope for something else.
You all know what I mean.
So we've been playing a ton of Age of Mythology.
Taylor and I have
anyway. And I feel like I've gotten
pretty good at it. I haven't gotten great at it.
I don't think I'm like, I'm not as good as I am
at Civ, certainly, having beaten Filthy,
the greatest player in the world, handily.
I saw that.
I have
I think you need to stop
using Ornos so much because
at this point you're just
me and you versus a couple of Titan AI
or something, yeah, bust out Ornos
but you've got it down to
you're hitting the mark every time, you're doing really well
with him, but you just keep
using him
I'm sharpening
myself every game I feel like I've got my hot... I'm sharpening myself every game, I feel like.
I've got the hotkeys memorized and everything.
I'm clickety-clack, clickety-clack, and everything's down.
So we've been playing a ton of Age of Mythology,
and I'm really starting to like real-time strategy games.
So Chiz suggested StarCraft II,
because it's free to download it and to play, I think,
the co-op campaign and a few other little things.
So you can get a taste for the game, for sure. Play against AI. And I've played a little bit of that, and I'm starting to like it and to play the co-op campaign and a few other little things.
So you can get a taste for the game for sure, play against AI.
And I've played a little bit of that, and I'm starting to like it.
And I'm thinking we need to get good at this thing,
get the Wings of Redemption challenge down,
play Wings of Redemption and some StarCraft.
I think that would be a lot of fun.
Maybe it would have to be like a me and you versus him if he's still got those chops where we have to take him on.
Yeah.
Maybe he can slide for a while.
I think he might beat us.
I wonder what kind of player he is.
I wonder if he's Protoss or Terran or if he's Zerg.
In the few games I've played, I've played as Zerg,
and I think I've settled that that's what I want to learn to play.
Those are the videos I'm watching.
They're all focused on being a better Zerg player.
Have you tried the other ones yet?
No, I don't want to.
From what I've learned so far,
with the grid hotkey formation,
if I memorize what it does for Zerg, I'll have it memorized for all the races.
So I'm just going to stick with Zerg because I feel like the learning curve will have a better band to it that way.
I'm going to learn one race.
I like what Zerg's about anyway.
It's about aggression and hyper...
inflating your population really, really quickly.
Lots of hatcheries, lots of Zerglings, lots of units
everywhere.
Just completely overwhelming the enemy
with how much shit you're throwing at them.
I like the idea of playing that way.
And I feel like it gives me a big sponge for
the fact that I'm so new to the game
and most of the time don't know why I'm building this building
or that building. I'm just building it.
I was always under the impression that Zerg so new to the game and most of the time don't know why I'm building this building or that building. I'm just building it. I was always under the impression
that Zerg was the hardest to play.
Or I don't really know anything about StarCraft 2.
I played StarCraft 1 at like a friend's house
a few times, like a handful of times, and
learned to play it enough, but
I don't know. I played Protoss
when I did. I liked that they don't have
to wait around while they build buildings. They can just
you can send one worker and he can build
fucking everything while everybody else is collecting and then just i don't know i like that
i like starcraft or i think i'm gonna like it because it's an rts game i just don't like the
space future theme as much as like hand to hand that's true i agree i don't like the sci-fi as
much as the fantasy you know what i would really like to play i really like don't like the sci-fi as much as the fantasy. You know what I would really like to play? I really like the fantasy, like the minotaurs and the gods and goddesses and such that are in Age of Mythology.
I do like that.
But I would totally be down to play a game like Company of Heroes that's World War II RTS.
I think that would be fun, you know, building tanks and paratroopers and shit like that.
Someone tweeted me that.
That was great.
Yeah.
I think we talked to them one time about doing a sponsored video or something,
so I know a lot about that game.
Like, not really the playability, but, you know, what's in the game.
And, you know, it's World War II shit.
It's all the nuts and bolts.
That'd be really cool. You should look into that.
I'm glad you're liking these RTS games.
I knew you would because you like Civ.
And it's just a more intense micro-ing Civ.
It's so intense. When we play these games, it's just, you know...
How is your micro, actually?
Because I feel like, having never played with you,
but knowing who you are,
I suspect your strategy is really good.
Like, you get invested into something
in a way that causes you to become an expert.
Thank you, honey.
But how's your micro? Because that takes, that causes you to become an expert. Thank you, honey.
But how's your micro?
Because that takes perhaps time to develop the skill.
It's more about the hotkeys for me with the micro because I know what units do what.
So if I see that he's got a lot of archers up there, I know that I need to pull my infantry back. If I see that he's got a unit that really counters my – if I've got a bunch of myth units up front and I see he's got a lot of heroes,
I've got all my myth units hotkeyeded to 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5.
So I'm going to quickly 5 and then pull that unit back
and then 3 and grab my hoplites and send them forward or whatever it may be.
So fast enough to kick the AI's ass.
Yeah, because I watched you learn civ and it it's wired into you you thirst for knowledge on how to be smarter at the game and i was like
i wonder if it's like if it's whatever like you can if it was if it was cod it'd be you know how's
your aim is it keeping up with your muscle memory. I'll tell you what, when every game starts,
I've got three fingers.
The three hotkeys that I'm already on is
H, G, and V. H is going to take me
to my town center.
V is going to spawn
villagers. I'm going to like spam that.
So I'm going to go H, V, V, V, V, V,
and then as soon as the first, I'm going to grab
my first villager and slam G
and click because he's going to plant the granary right
there or the economic guild in the
case of a Rannos. So I'm
doing that literally as fast as it can possibly
be done. The first
five, the first three
minutes and 30 seconds of the game are
perfectly programmed out in
my mind and there's no mistakes.
I'll waver five or ten seconds
up and down yeah once you've
got it down the only thing that'll keep you from fulfilling it is if you get like fucked and no
animals spawn near you or if the gold is so far away it's not reasonable or like once you get it
like the build order down it's not too hard and the that's a hard build order to counter too
because it's up so fast and you've've got units going. It's really easy
to take down with Egyptians
if you do Priests and Siege units,
because Priests will
tear through all of your Terma.
It seems like you've got
an army of Priests.
I know it's not
lots of small things being controlled,
but
League seems like a one-unit RTS almost, right?
Where you're managing your coming and your going.
I don't know anything about League.
I wouldn't know if I saw it.
Yeah, I have no idea what it is.
I don't know jack about League other than basically you've got your main character.
I think he's called a hero.
And if I'm right, to move him around, you click where you want him to go to as opposed to, like, Wazdi.
And, God, people are going to hear this and think, you know, Woody has it all wrong.
And I might.
But I think a big part of the game is, one, guarding your three lanes.
You know, so some guy plays top middle
and center and then managing range correctly so like i hit you then dart out of your range and uh
it it feels like at a very high level like sort of a one character rts but of course i think it's
four v four teams and then you go i mean like that kind of theme exists in rtss where you
like uh the herseer rush where you send in all those heroes for the norse or you make those
annoying fucking centaurs with zeus and then just run those in and and shoot their workers a little
bit and then just be a bitch and run away and then like just as they're like chopping wood there's a
ton of tactics and there used to be a really vibrant pro scene for this game which mean and
there were tournaments like 2500 tournaments i see i've watched videos of these big games like this
and so there's tons of material out there of the best of the best players guys who like
wasted a quarter of their lives up until that point perfecting this game and so i have that
wealth of knowledge to tap into so um i'm liking it a lot and i'm enjoying getting better at it and better at it when we play
uh taylor and i can play against four i think four ai for sure we've beaten i think we i know
we've beaten four human players at once 2v4 and we probably have beaten 2v5 but there were some
noobs mixed in there we played uh we've only lost what we normally do is what we get in there and then me and kyle will be like
oh you want to do 2v and then x amount of people join who aren't us and it'll just be 2v5 or 2v4
and inevitably like three games in we did get beat once yes v5 i think or 2v4 it was four or
five but they there was a v5 or 2v4. We couldn't overwhelm them. But usually it's like we build up,
we take a few attacks,
and then we just completely,
it's just a mighty bitch slap at the end
where it's just kind of like,
you want to end this?
Because meanwhile,
my strategy differs from Kyle's
in that when Kyle goes in
and just destroys your base,
desolates it,
he's like,
on to the next one,
and he just sends his guys and they march to the next base. When I invade your base, Iolates it. He's like, on to the next one! And he just sends his guys and they march to the
next base. When I invade your base,
I destroy everything there, and then I
build myself another base while I'm there.
And then I leave.
It's like, while he's
slaughtering the men, he's raping
the women.
He's not even waiting. He's raping the women
right then and there.
The town center is the key.
It's your hub.
It makes the villagers, which make everything else.
It's the key.
And so he'll destroy that building first,
and then he's got workers building his own town center on that plot
while he's murdering the villagers, burning their houses,
the granaries, the animals, salting the fields.
You have to see the clip to understand the silliness of it,
because it's just a huge, garish, awful, colorful battle around the edges,
and then just one guy in the middle just kind of like,
God, another Tuesday, just trying to hammer this town center up.
And that's how you do it.
That's how you have to do that to win,
and Kyle learned this one of the first few times he played me, and
if he destroyed a base, he'd
be like, haha, but he didn't know that I've got
like five more bases. Every time he
leaves to go destroy a new one, I just build that one back
up and then go find something else.
I don't know, that's the fun way to play it.
And you build your population. I've gotten
really into RTS. I'm enjoying it a lot.
I'm open to any suggestions from the fans, and if you guys
want to come play with us, my Steam is
OFPSKyleO.
Mine is TaylorMurka.
We're happy to play with you. Just hop on
there, send us a message, we'll add you.
Like I said, lately we've been playing Age of Mythology.
We got Age of Empires 2,
but I quickly asked Steam for a refund
on that shit because I didn't care for the look of it.
Much older look.
Kyle, your gaming
computer, I mean, it's not
terrible, but it's a little aged in comparison.
Yeah, it definitely is, but
I'll tell you what I'm waiting on.
The point when I had any performance
issue with any game that I actually want to play.
I put StarCraft on Ultra and had no issues.
Okay. I was just going to ask about that.
And StarCraft, I guess, is not a new
game. It came out around when your computer was no, I think like
Ancient games yeah
One came out in the 90s. I think didn't it yeah
Yeah, it's not until like Starcraft 3 comes out in 2018
Which I just made up and you know where you'll be like I wish I had something new
Maybe this that I know like spec wise this thing this thing is definitely old and slow it's got the two 580s or whatever in it um i think um but i've never ran into an
issue where i didn't have enough juice except uh when i was modding skyrim and i i literally had
38 mods on there before it crashed i i was i was still pretty happy and running at 45 frames per
second something like that silly mods or yeah Oh, big fucking titties, naked people.
Like, there's a vagina mod to make the pussy look just the way you want it to look.
There's so many mods for Skyrim.
Like, all the chicks are, like, these giant, titted, buxom, ridiculous, like, elf bitches,
like, running around with, like, you can pick whether you want them to have a landing strip
or what you want. It's outrageous, the the customization can i jump in with the vagina talk
yeah so like three weeks ago maybe you had a rant about how dirty vaginas were and how much
upkeep they required okay that is true so the next week my mom calls and i had the most awkward conversation it was like i've got a bone to pick with kyle
and i'm like oh and she's like he doesn't seem to like vaginas at all and you know i'm like oh i'm
sure he's a huge fan he just needs them you know properly maintained and uh and then here's where
the awkward part comes from and kyle i hold you half responsible for this. She starts telling me.
I know.
Too much.
Your father always made me feel beautiful
and never had me feeling dirty or bad or whatever.
I'm like, oh my God.
Oh my goodness.
Mom.
He said I was his little flower.
He didn't care.
He was a little musky down there.
He dove right in.
He dove right in. He dove right in.
Both feet.
Both feet.
Sometimes more.
Sometimes much more.
You know, you're like, holy shit.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was like cutting her off.
I was like, okay, mom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she didn't say this, but there was this vibe of like, no, you have to hear this.
You know, your father was a big fan.
Your father loves it. Eat off my twat. vibe of like no you have to hear this you know your father was a big fan what word did she use to for her vagina
slit
i don't know if she used a word she might have just made a reference you know like your father
always made me feel beautiful or something like that yeah I would have loved it to hear what uh
what what she called it what uh what she called it yeah because everybody calls well now I'm sure
I'm about to Kyle I hear I don't I stand by what I said I feel like you know
no it's a totally reason it's just like a pool
like can be great and a barrel
of fun but if you let the pH get all out of whack
it's gonna end up start smelling weird and
something could even die in it
I have never ran into
a like gross vagina
I really haven't but my cousin has
he told me that he described a scenario where they
were on a couch and the girl unzips her pants and like he's fingering her and then the smell hits him
and he's just he like recoils and starts like getting himself together to leave and she's like
what is it what's wrong he's like you know what you know what it is you know what were you trying
to pull here you know what everyone in this room and in the adjacent rooms
knows something happened bad down there.
It was a clever ruse to tell me that you were just a producer
on Deadliest Catch when we met at the park.
But now that we're back, I see that I was fooled.
Three hours later and it's still coming on strong.
Mike Rowe'sirty Jobs Assistant,
my ass. I'm out of here.
Watch out for that.
No, I
am particular about
vagina. That's the only thing. I think maybe if you
were vagina starved, if
you're out there and you don't get very much vagina
per se, let's just say that,
you might not mind
if it's a smelly vagina or a bloody vagina or a dirty
vagina or whatever you know cheesy vagina hungry man thinks a saltine is a gourmet meal absolutely
okay um i i i i want a clean vagina that's all i'm saying a very very clean vagina and you're not
making a really crazy claim here like this this is – that's pretty sane.
You just want someone to be clean.
That's normal.
Yeah.
You know?
I want her to be pretty too.
I don't want some crazy rough people out there.
I always see the complaint that pornography and the types of vaginas that are chosen to be put into pornography.
I think in Australia maybe there was even a law.
Guys without dads.
to be put into pornography.
I think in Australia, maybe there was even a law.
Guys without dads.
In Australia, there either was a law or there is a law about the kind of vagina
that can be put into pornography.
Like, if the...
Small boobs.
If the lips are too big or too crazy,
like, you can't have them.
They're like, oh, not that pussy,
not in our pornography, absolutely not.
And so that can distill this image in men
that, oh oh all vaginas
are these perfect little innies that don't have a big roast beef mouth coming at me all crazy
looking like the fucking predator face sucker
like that's a vagina that's a real law in australia yeah it either was or it is and this
is better information coming at you so um so what happens is all the men are expecting this perfect little any vagina.
And then they see like the face sucker coming at them.
And they're like, whoa, I don't want that.
And so women are getting offended by that.
They feel like their vagina should be pretty like everyone else's.
But I say they should get that plastic surgery down there.
Get that thing fixed up.
Because, I mean, I had a little surgery on my dick to make it more appealing for you why can't you do the same equal
rights i say you think there should be a little it's good for jack the surgery you had was at
one day old i presume i i mean before that right i i hate standing up to female genital mutilation, but someone's got to do it.
You know, I've never been with an ugly vagina, but I picture myself being not that picky.
Any vagina that can make me gasm is a good one.
I don't like that word.
You don't like the word?
No, I don't think that I've ever been with an ugly one.
I've certainly been with someone where I was like,
oh, that could be better.
You know, I could be a little different.
You know, they're not all perfect.
You know, and there's definitely an ideal vagina
in, I think, the majority of men's eyes
or the majority of people who like vaginas.
It's one of those things, though, where it's like,
unless there's a problem, I't really care you know where it's like until there's an issue with
it it's like i as long as you're not as long as it's not just bananas down there like if it's
just out of control you know and it's like what if it looks like when the predator is screaming
at arnold schwarzenegger in Predator 1. When it's just like...
Like with the crazy mouth.
Well, is it screaming?
Yeah, it doesn't have those bone teeth things.
What would it sound like?
Just like a deep gurgle?
Goodness gracious.
Oh, gross.
As long as there's no problem.
I don't see a reason to even care.
Your flyer's lost, Woody.
Oh, they're just laying a trap.
They're trying to lull the Capitals into thinking that this will be an easy series.
And come tomorrow or next day, probably next day,
they'll split away
and take home ice advantage so they're winning on saturday is what you're saying yes yes they
win on saturday i'm gonna i want to get kyle and your bracket picks and i want kyle's especially
because he won't know i started looking up flyers and for enforcers to counter our private conversation.
The challenge was you were completely right.
They have no enforcer whatsoever.
On top of that, you mentioned Wayne Simmons as their pseudo-enforcer.
I think he's their leading goal scorer or second.
Him and Giroux are right there.
And I'm like, no way.
He's their toughest guy.
Actually?
Yeah. right there and i'm like no way he's their toughest guy actually yeah like it and it's kind of badass that such a talented guy can hold his own like that do i need to fill this bracket
out but um no i was saying we can just do it uh verbally kyle because the players already start
but yeah that's wayne simmons is a player. He's having a standout year, I believe. He is.
Doing really well.
Stepped up.
All right, Kyle.
So, first of all, let's not tell Kyle what the team names are.
I need the team names.
That's the only thing I need.
No, I think you should go by emblem.
Yeah, you have to say like – okay, so that top one on the top left there,
that's the Western Conference.
That one means they're the first seed,
and the W down there means they're a wild card okay so that's clearly the capitals and the flyers and
the flyers just lost okay that's on the right side i'm talking about the left side oh on the
left side is yeah is that like what is that d anybody guess um um well i guess i'll go with the uh the number one seed winning that
the the d team what team wait well you got you got to give us the the match up there what teams
are those who's gonna win and in how many games um i'm gonna guess that those are the diamondbacks
uh-huh where are they from the diamondbacks arizona they're the baseball team really doing
well this year i'm the doing the best I can.
Okay, and they're beating
who is that yellow?
They're going to win.
Well, who are they winning over
right now, that opposing team?
The Green Donkeys?
It looks like a green
It looks like the Green Borough.
It looks like a green Borough.
So the Arizona Diamondbacks are going to beat the Green Donkeys.
I think he's right.
I can't recall.
Where are they from again?
Mexico.
Wow, the Mexico Boros versus the Arizona Diamondbacks,
who they just gave up on baseball, sucked so long,
ended up being really just the whole team playing the wrong sport.
Okay, so.
Now you might know this next bracket.
Yeah, you might know this next one.
So someone is taking on someone else.
So is this the music notes versus the Redskins here?
It is, yes.
Okay, well, I'm definitely going to go with that Indian
looking team because...
You're right!
Yeah, I'm going to go with them. The Black
Foots or whatever the fuck they are.
That's what I'm going to call them. Those are the Black
Feet. I think the Black Feet are
going to trounce the like...
The music notes.
The conductors.
The conductors over there.
The conductors. The conductors versus there. The conductors. The conductors
versus the Blackfoots, and you're saying the Blackfoots come out of it to take on the Arizona
Diamondbacks. Yeah, yeah, they win in four, right? Okay. In four, wow. Well, they can't.
They already lost the first one, so it's going to have to be at least five. They're going
to call it back. There's going to be a controversy. There's going to be a controversy there.
You heard it here first. There's a doping scandal.
Okay.
And then down there, you've got... It looks like the brown batarangs are going to face off against the saber teeth.
Can you help out with where these teams are from again?
The brown batarangs are from Detroit, and I think the saber teeth are...
I think they're from L.A.
The L.A.?
Yeah, for sure.
So it's not the logo directly beneath the saber-tooth that says
LA?
I think LA had two
teams.
Oh, so that's the
Louisiana Kings.
Yeah.
No, that's definitely
the LA Kings, but I
think there's two
teams in LA, two
NHL teams.
Oh, okay.
I mean, just look at
the word.
LA Kings and the
LA Sabre-tooth.
I think the Sabre-tooth
look like a logo that
could be LA.
I get the vibe also.
They're not.
The Sacramento Sabretooth over there.
I'm going to keep them in California.
I say that they're going to win this one.
Wow.
They're definitely going to take out the Detroit Batarangs.
The Brown Batarangs.
That's deep shit.
What about the lower one?
The last one in the Western Conference.
The LA Stars are definitely going to beat
the Rockets,
I guess.
The Rockets?
I don't know what that is.
It looks like some sort of sea animal, doesn't it?
No, not even a little.
Biting a hockey stick.
Is it like the seagulls?
What the fuck is that?
That does not look like a shark.
Now that you know it's a shark, does it kind of look like a shark?
I know what a shark looks like.
He's been close with sharks.
Okay, so just a quick recap.
Before we go on to the Eastern Conference,
we've got the Arizona Diamondbacks taking it home over the New Mexico Burros.
We've got the St. Louis Conductors losing in four games
after a recall of the first
game they won against the Blackfoots.
Unprecedented.
Then we got the
LA Batarangs.
The Detroit Batarangs.
The Detroit Batarangs against the LA
Sabre Teeth. Sacramento Sabre Teeth.
And then we've got the LA Stars
against the
Warehouse. Victorious over the Makos down there.
The Makos.
Where are the Makos?
Where are they from?
They're up in Florida.
I imagine they're in the – even though I know they're in the Western Division, but I imagine that they got sold, but they're still in Florida.
So it's just some kind of like snafu that way.
So the Florida Makos. So that way. So the Florida make goes.
So that's up through the quarterfinals.
Eastern Conference.
It says Capitals up there, and you know that's the Flyers.
So who's winning that one?
Well, that's definitely going to be the Capitals because they already won that, right?
They already won one game.
One game at best of seven series.
Oh, well, I see that trending going forward.
So I don't
see the Flyers winning
any games in that. Very opposite trend than
the Conductors versus the Blackfoots.
Completely different, yes.
How about the one right below there?
That's a penguin.
And that's the Penguins.
I don't know.
The Penguins?
Are they from Canada?
There aren't any American Penguins, so how could that even be?
You know, that's a good point.
And you'll see that there are no Canadian teams here.
None of the Canadian teams made the playoffs.
None of them.
Is it Pennsylvania?
Yes, it is.
Is that literally true?
There's no Canadian teams in the playoffs this year?
No Canadian teams in the playoffs.
It's Pittsburgh Penguins.
And then, of course, it says New York Rangers.
Then we got a picture of a cat and something else down there.
Who's taking that one home? I didn't notice that.
You're right.
I can...
All right, so that's New York something.
Durr?
Something New York der something
I don't know
I don't know
there's some sort of
saber cat there again that's
either like a
it's orange and white so it's a tiger
or
some sort of tiger versus
the New York
Islanders the New York Islanders. The New York Islanders.
And I'm going to say the Islanders come out and win that.
Another upset.
Wow.
I'm imagining.
Yes, absolutely.
And then it looks like we've got the Kansas City Lightning Bolt versus the Detroit Red Wings, I think.
Lightning Bolt versus the Detroit Red Wings
I think and I'm going to say
I'm going to say that the
Thunderbolt wins
Thunderbolt wins, Detroit, two teams for
Detroit, three for LA
and then we've got
where was
this cat in the Eastern Conference from again
I can't recall
fuck I don't know. The Kansas City?
No, that's what I like.
Teams from Kansas City.
They are really not diversified very well
in the NHL. Just throw another team in
Kansas City.
When you find a team that's into hockey, you've got
to latch on multiple teams.
Alright, so any more questions?
I was going to say, who's bringing
the cup home this
year Kyle which one of these teams that you maybe might know well I predict the
Capitals are going are the team that's gonna make it and I see them the the
black feet taking on okay the Capitals versus the black feet.
Taking on...
Okay, the Capitals versus the black feet.
And the Capitals win it all.
Yeah.
Do you have the Capitals over the black feet?
Yep, he's got the Capitals over the black feet.
Yeah.
I would take the Capitals over the black feet as well.
Kyle, I want to know...
Or not Kyle.
Woody, I want to know yours for real. Because I know you actually, you know, it's...
How bad are you going to feel if I beat you?
It's the 0% chance.
What?
It was like that far off?
Because the names don't matter.
It's just a win-loss.
No, yeah, I know, but you picked the wild card in three out of, like, four places.
All right, I'll go.
That's not going to happen.
Are you ready?
Shit.
You can even give the correct team names, Woody.
I'll take the Dallas Stars
over the Minnesota Wild there.
I will take
I guess the Blackhawks
over the Blues
just to poke at you.
I'll take the
Mighty Ducks over the Nashville Predators.
And I'll take the Mighty Ducks over the Nashville Predators. Ducks.
And I'll take...
I guess I'll take the Kings over the Sharks.
I don't really know.
I haven't been following that closely.
At a risk, out of loyalty,
I will choose the Flyers over the Capitals.
I'll take the Penguins over the Rangers
because they've been mega super hot
heading into the playoffs.
I feel like the Islanders, until the very end, they were losing too.
All right, I'll go Panthers over Islanders and Detroit over Tampa Bay there.
We were really similar for the most part.
Really?
I also took
Dallas over Minnesota. I take
St. Louis over Chicago.
I take Ducks over Predators.
Kings over Sharks.
Capitals over Flyers.
Penguins over Rangers.
Panthers over Islanders.
And then I can't decide
on Tampa Bay versus Detroit.
I think Tampa Bay is going to win it,
but they've got so many fucking injuries.
And Detroit has, they're in the playoffs every year.
They're in the playoffs every year,
but man, they fell ass backwards into the playoffs this year.
They started playing like they didn't want to make it to the playoffs.
The whole Eastern Conference fell,
like the bottom half of the playoff bracket all lost together.
Yeah.
It was like the Red Wings, the Flyers, and the Bruins were all fighting as hard as they could to not make the playoffs at the end.
They all only had to win like one fucking game to secure it, and every one of them lost like two or three in a row.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you go ahead and put five on the Kings.
That's actually not that bad of a bet.
The Kings, I don't know.
Depends on Jonathan Quick, Chiz.
Depends on Jonathan Quick.
His season hasn't been that spectacular.
The other thing, Taylor, we'd be even more similar, I think,
if I think I might still choose Chicago,
just because I like teams that do well the year before.
I feel like they're strong and they know what they're doing.
Whereas teams that don't do well the year before,
they're still learning their way.
But I'd probably pick the Capitals if I wasn't a Flyers fan,
which would make us more similar.
Yeah.
This is like last year.
Or no, it was two years ago that I picked Chicago
to beat us in the first round, and they did
because it was pretty clear they were the better team.
This year, I'm not quite sure.
Yeah, I think we got a good shot this year.
But I think we have a fucking good shot every year.
It's disappointing, so I have no expectations.
You're St. Louis.
If they did do the whole, like...
I think it's in their contract to lose in the first round.
It is.
I could be wrong, but I think so.
They have to be able to golf.
Yeah.
In spring.
The only people better at golfing than St. Louis are the Bruins this year.
And last year. Bruins missed the play the Bruins this year. And last year.
Bruins missed the playoff by one point this year and last year.
Yeah, well, tea time.
It's like they didn't give a fuck both times.
But I don't know.
I wish Kyle would get into hockey.
We could chit-chat about it.
Our guest tonight was going to care about hockey, purportedly.
Yeah.
Yeah, I watched part of a Cardinals-Braves game.
It was at a bar uh when i was watching the
blues game the other night so nobody cares about this elitist sport says chis in the chat oh yeah
bernie's gonna make us all seller hockey equipments we can give a bunch of shitty soccer
balls to kids in the congo fuck right off dude there's a thing about bernie so here's the thing
one i hear like it seems like russians again and again and again are talking about Bernie Sanders.
And the general theme I get from these Russians is you guys don't know fuck about socialism.
I do.
You know, this is, like, you don't want a giant government that controls everything.
Trust me.
You don't, excuse me, You don't want all this.
And then I saw a YouTube video
that said something that really burned into my head.
It was,
do you think you're going to do better or worse
under socialism?
And the guy's like,
I think I'm going to do better.
He's like, doesn't that feel greedy?
Like you're, okay,
then you're going to be taking things
from people who are doing better than you.
Why is that right?
Aren't you greedy?
No, those people I'm taking from are the greedy ones how does that logic line up
it doesn't line up it doesn't well it can make sense difference between democratic socialism and
leninism and marxism and communism it's it it's a huge big web to be debated.
But even democratic socialism is a tad too on the take my shit away and give it to someone else side of things.
It's socialism.
I know democratic socialism, whatever.
But it's a war on the losers against the achievers, right?
And I feel like –
Sanders versus Trump.
The only way...
Losers versus the Achievers, 2016.
The doers versus the tweeters.
I'm not in love with Trump either.
Of course not.
Shit, I lost my train of thought.
I feel like the only way to honestly be for Sanders is if you're
going to lose in that situation.
If you're going to win as a...
If you're going to benefit
from a Sanders presidency,
then you're a crook.
If you're going to benefit from a Sanders presidency,
then you're just trying to take somebody
else's shit who probably
went further in school than you.
Damn, Woody. This is really it's yeah that's a really harsh way to put it but it's really you can't it's hard to argue against like playing devil's advocate let's see
well that's different woody because need some people need what some people need a kick in the ass that
capitalism gives them i want i don't think you understand woody but but i i want it
no you're you're mixing things up i i want it i want it and i you should be forced to give it to me. Rebuttal.
I would not like to give it to you.
Oh, this guy.
Not giving me his.
Now who's greedy?
Now I'm greedy.
Yeah, now we've nailed it.
I, yeah.
And Trump.
So, like, dude, can we, we watched already, I think, the minute and a half thing on Trump's abortion.
I think we saw it already where he was, like, cornered into answering.
And he said for, like, two hours he was for punishing women.
And then he realized he was for punishing doctors.
Trump's never been a politician.
And his inexperience shows on the campaign trail.
It shows in all this delegate trickery crap.
It shows, and it will show, in his presidency.
Like, I worry.
I would, if Trump wanted to be president, I wish he had done six years as senator first.
You know?
Or at least, like, three or four weeks like Obama.
Right?
Was it four weeks or three?
Over the course of a couple weekends, get your feel for it.
I don't think.
We want zero experience from Trump in there.
I feel like that would just make him dirty, that toxic environment in Washington.
They want an outsider, and they're going to get one.
And let's hope that he assembles a cabinet who can guide him and make sure that he doesn't step into any more of these snafus with rules violations and stuff like that.
It seems like, although that thing in Colorado does seem really shitty,
because I know the rules are the rules.
I get that.
I know that nothing wrong was done.
What I'm saying is the rules are wrong.
They were wrong before the vote, regardless of who wins,
because what ended up happening is the delegates decided to all go to Cruz
before the people of Colorado even voted.
So why even have them vote?
Why have them vote at all?
It doesn't make any sense to me on just a common sense kind of level.
In every election in my entire life, I've never really liked the notion of the people who say all politicians are dirty, all politicians are bad.
It's like, no, that's lame, and it just reflects a lack of research and whatever.
You have to pick your favorite and vote for them.
I've never had an election until this one.
I don't like Trump.
I don't like Hillary.
I don't like Bernie.
Somehow they all seem pretty flawed to me.
But Cruz.
I don't like Cruz.
Do you think he might be a Zodiac killer?
So I hate that I can't find somebody to like,
but this is what I'm trying to get to.
I really do like the notion of the guy who gets the most votes getting the win.
That is important to me.
And even though I think that Trump might not do well in the general,
and if he does, I don't think he'll do well as president
he should be the guy if that's
who people vote for
so and there are people
who are going to explain to me that the Democratic
Party and the Republican Party aren't government
and that they can do anything they want
fuck off I know that what you're saying is
true but
they're effectively government can we agree
on that can we agree that the president's
either going to be a democrat or republican and we have a two-party system and we had the same
two parties since like the 1800s and that's how things actually are so they should be run with at
least the integrity that we've grown accustomed to in the government yeah i uh i i'm looking forward to seeing the protests
that are going to happen tomorrow,
which will be Friday, yesterday,
to you Saturday listeners and viewers.
Because Trump said they're going to have a big protest in Colorado.
And I look forward to seeing what goes down there.
It's going to be...
When they get down to the convention,
I think if he's anywhere near 1237,
they've got to give it to him.
If he gets 1100, like that one party guy37, they've got to give it to him. If he gets 1100 like that one party guy said, they've got to give it to him.
Is Kasich still in it or is he done?
Yeah, he's in it.
Mathematically eliminated, yeah.
But just running so that he can take away from Trump.
Kasich is hoping that we add a few states to the union before this process is over and they get to vote too.
He's hoping that Greenland and maybe Australia get to vote.
Maybe they'll want to go with him.
Yeah, it should be criminal.
Trump is clearly going to get the most votes,
but he's not clearly going to be the candidate.
And that shouldn't be in question right now.
I look forward to it.
I want to see Trump v. Hillary for the same reason I said I wanted to see it three, four months ago.
It's my dream.
It's going to be hilarious because I hate Hillary Clinton.
And whether he can beat her or not, he's going to insult her.
And I like seeing Hillary Clinton get insulted.
Didn't someone call her a whore yesterday?
and get insulted.
Didn't someone call her a whore yesterday?
Sanders supporter did,
but I don't know what relation he had to Sanders or who it was.
I mean, people say crazy things.
It's not like it was Sanders' brother or something.
Right, or it wasn't like it was Sanders.
Yeah, exactly.
Chase is about to type in who called her a whore.
I think he's getting to that.
A whore.
A warm-up guy.
Oh, that's a little more associated.
Wow, and Trump, if there's a
Trump fan who has a racist sign,
it's like, that person
didn't even watch The Apprentice
or know who Donald Trump is, but they'll be like,
one of his good friends being
offensive in the parking lot.
Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders does it, and everybody's
like, well, how associated with him
was it? Oh, he was the guy that walked out on stage?
Oh, fuck.
Well, look, Trump's name was Drumpf.
Sanders wasn't there?
Look at that content-rich link.
How can he be the warm-up guy?
Who did he warm up for?
Chiz?
Maybe he was Sanders' fluffer.
Is that what he meant?
Warm-up guy for Sanders.
Sanders wasn't there.
Well, in any case, I really want to see this thing go to the next level.
I'm tired of this Ted Cruz nonsense.
I feel like Donald has beaten him, but the thing just keeps dragging on for some reason.
It's clear that Donald has beaten Cruz.
It's clear that he's beaten all 16 of his
opponents thus far. Did you see that
leaked photo of the wall of shame at Trump
headquarters? It's a picture of every candidate
that he's knocked out. He's got
them up there with embarrassing photos of them.
It says wall of shame on it.
That's awesome.
He sees life as a huge competition.
And he's winning.
Yeah, and he sees all of his opponents as
just opponents to be beaten and that's what he's doing one by one the show goes up on the 16th
on the 19th new york votes and if hillary whoops up on sanders in the election like she's doing in
the polls about the election then sand Sanders is... Can we stop
talking about Sanders? Is New York
going to be the time when they're pretty much going to have
to say, like, alright, it's
over. Like, we can't. We're done.
Is that a line in the sand
for real? We're practically there now.
As long as we get Delaware. Unless she gets
indicted, yes. I think if Sanders doesn't
either win or at least
do well, he has to either
win or do, and he needs to do well
to keep this thing going.
Even without the superdelegates involved, he's
down by over 200.
So he really needs to pick some of these up.
95 delegates at play.
They always put those delegates out in different
ways. They'll be like 13 delegates if you
win the state, but then the rest of them will go
congressionally, district by district. It's to calculate how what he needs to win exactly but he
needs to do well yeah like if you look at the pop I'm gonna mess this up somehow but like the
population of the state Sanders won combines for like 20 million Florida also has 20 million like
and Hillary kicked his ass in Florida like that's why he's so far behind. If you look at state by state, then suddenly, like, there's a game going on here.
He's losing it, but there's a game.
If you look at the population of those states, then, well, that's why he's getting his ass kicked in the delegate count.
And when New York comes around, if he doesn't get more delegates than her, then it will be time to open your eyes and realize that Sanders is not in it.
If he does get more delegates than her,
then this gets really interesting.
What's the last movie you watched?
Oh, shit.
I don't know.
I watched Ghost the other day with Patrick Swayze
to me more.
Rewatch that.
I tried to watch some war movie with British people and fell asleep during it on Netflix.
Do you guys know it?
War movie with British people?
Yeah.
What war?
A recent one.
It was maybe Afghanistan.
No, I haven't seen that.
I don't know.
I watched Ghost the other night.
I love that.
That one always makes me cry.
Patrick Swayze's dancing with Demi Moore as a ghost.
It's super, super sad.
I've never seen that.
Did it really make you cry?
Or are you being hyperbolic?
No, it made me cry.
Watch it.
It's very, very good acting.
Whoopi Goldberg's in it.
She won an Oscar for that, for Best Supporting Actress.
I've seen it tons of times. Never cried.
It's a very good movie.
Sorry, go ahead.
The category it's in is tearjerkers, literally.
Oh, a tearjerker I can think of
that wouldn't be categorized as that
is Green Mile.
It should be categorized as a tearjerker.
Of course, I cry every time.
The book is sad, too.
When he stomps out Mr. Tibbs,
I tear up right then and there.
I tear up right then and there, and I'm like,
fuck, that's fucked up, man.
It's so fucked, and I'm about to cry.
But I hold it together, because, you know,
John Paul Jones or whatever the fuck his name is
breathes some life back into that motherfucker.
But then later, you know, when he dies
and you get to the sad moment, I lose it there, too. I back into that motherfucker. But then later, you know, when he dies and, you know, you get to the sad moment,
I lose it there too.
I cry at that one.
Yeah, that's a real sad film, yeah.
Oh, just – it's not even as 100% sad as like the mixture of –
Injustice.
It does a good job playing with your emotions where you're so mad at Percy
and you're just, oh, God, I would do anything to see him in a Saw-like scenario, having his fingernails
pulled out for stepping on that, oh, you just get so mad
and then you get hit with the sad
and then you get hit with the happy when you're like, oh, and John
Coffey, like, he's this great, almost like a
supernatural being and then
the end happens
and he can't, he can't dodge
death, you know?
Yeah, it's, uh, that one makes me cry
and of course Sling Blade, I mention all the time that one makes me cry and of course sling blade i mentioned all the time
that would make sense if you've ever seen sling blade no uh green mile is by far it makes me
sadder than any movie i've ever watched um but then of course i wish this looked like a play date
like shindler's list is quite sad too um but but but you're right green mile sadder uh i recently
watched batman versus superman no, no details whatsoever, I promise.
But I watched it in IMAX 3D.
I liked it a lot.
I have seen most of the source material that they used to make this thing.
The Batman two-part series, the Dark Knight Returns series.
I've seen that.
It's like three or four hours of content.
And I've also
seen...
I'm trying to think. Of course, I've watched
all of them. All of the Batman, Superman movies
that there have ever been. All those animated
ones are really good. Some of them are
great voice acting and stuff.
But because of that, I was really
familiar. And the Death of Superman. I've seen that one
of course too. So I was familiar
with all the source material that made
this thing. And I didn't watch
any of the teasers or trailers
at all. I think I might have seen a Super
Bowl teaser where
you got the line in there, do you bleed?
You will. That's the only
teaser I had whatsoever going into this thing.
And I think because of that, I enjoyed it a lot.
I like Zack Snyder movies.
I liked the... what's that superhero
movie he did that everyone hates um with um dr manhattan and uh and owl man and all those people
whatever that is watchman the watchman i i like that too zach snyder movies don't have a lot of
like uh herder character development and sometimes the pacing can be off and it can seem disjointed
but it's a comic book movie and I got what I wanted
I got everything I wanted out of it
and I didn't mind
I've read all the reviews, I've been on Rotten Tomatoes
I've seen the reasons people don't like it
and I see those flaws but I just look past them
they don't bother me because I feel like
the overall sum of what the movie is
was enough that I would give it a thumbs up.
And that I enjoyed it.
And I'm glad I watched it.
Maybe I will check it out after I check out Star Wars.
Yeah, you should probably start catching up on some of the greatest movies that have been made in the last two years.
Kilo 2 Bravo is the movie I didn't finish.
It's supposed to be very good.
I haven't heard of that.
Are you guys just talking about Watchmen?
That is an amazingly good movie.
Did you watch the extended version
with five extra seconds of Dong?
Yes.
I hope so.
I've seen it several times.
I'm not sure if I've seen the extended version or not.
I like the fighting in it.
The character who plays...
What is he?
The comedian.
The comedian makes a small cameo appearance
in the Batman vs. Superman movie.
Is he a comedian?
No, he plays Bruce Wayne's father.
Gotcha.
So he's just the actor.
Yes, the actor reprises his role.
I immediately made the zach snyder
connection like oh he was in watchmen and here he is here watchman doesn't exist in any of the
other universes does it it's its own i think i believe that is correct yes i believe it's its
own i oh i think what it is is a parallel universe in maybe the dc comic universe but don't quote me
on that i think it's definitely a parallel universe though and it could and therefore it could exist within you know the the realm of dc or marvel and maybe
chiz should be researching this i haven't read up on the watchman stuff in years yeah do you guys
watch walking dead i all right so here's the thing with walking dead um i watched that season of
course where andrew i'm not gonna spoil anything or anything but I watched the season where we lost Andrea
I remember that. That was several years ago when we were watching
I think the last
season I watched had the governor in it
and
there was the whole thing at the prison etc
etc and I stopped watching there
because I lost interest in the show and I felt like
it wasn't as good as it used to be
however I know there's a character
whenever that character named Abraham
or whoever comes into the show,
maybe it's season five or six,
I've heard that it's gotten much, much better
than it used to be,
and I'm planning on catching up to it.
It's one of those things that I'm saving up,
and maybe the next time I've got the flu
or I break up with a girlfriend,
I'll watch that.
Looking dead got good.
So one of the early seasons didn't have enough action.
And I suffered through it.
And then Andrea, like, dude, I've never –
I can't think of another character whose death I enjoyed as much as that woman.
Like, I don't want her on my TV.
I wouldn't want her at my barbecue.
I don't want her in my life.
I just – I wouldn't want her as my coworker.
This woman is just detestable.
I hope she doesn't get any more
acting jobs i i never i something about her is just awful to me and i'm glad she's dead
and then she died just she's somehow disloyal and sissy yet want to be tough all at one time it's terrible yeah anyway i hated her i hated her
character and i hated the actress that played her not just because of the character either like the
way that the actress held herself was disgusting to me like uh joffrey for example i forget the
actor's name um you hated that character right but then after he was gone it was just like bravo bravo for making
me hate you the way you did well well played this woman speaks like a nice guy yeah i didn't hate
her because of her character i hated her because of who that actress seemed to be anyway her name
andrea in walking dead i need to see this sure anyway uh blonde hair wise gaping now straw blonde hair sticky thing look like years of bad hair keeping
or something and uh um but it got good and there's action every show now and there's like character
development that seems to matter and the season finale from this last one the internet hates it because it a real cliffhanger huh i was gonna say
too much um i'll say this there's a cliffhanger and historically in the walking dead every season
kind of resolves it and gives a hint about next season they left questions unresolved and comic
book readers or graphic novel readers know what should happen, but sometimes they don't line up perfectly.
And the Internet hates it, but I was so invested in it, I was scared.
And I'm not often scared at TV shows.
You were worried for the characters.
I was worried for the characters.
I was at the edge of my seat.
There was a movie I watched as a little kid called The Wanderers.
And there was a gang called the Ducky Boys in it that just sort of surrounded the main cast.
And I just have never been – I was like, how the hell are they going to deal with this situation?
They are fucked.
And I felt that again as a grown-up like just like that with the Goonies
Yeah, the Goonies
The ducky boys well I that that interests me. I maybe I'll catch up with the show
I I don't really have anything to watch right now
I just finished we were watching a couple of my favorites a few more times adding to the the mindless droll of useless Dunder
Margo yet Better call Saul. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah favorites a few more times adding to the the mindless droll of useless dunder yet
have you got a chance better call Saul oh yeah oh yeah you have to try it when you get a chance
Kyle you're gonna really enjoy it up here he's a little cold but for the most part he's friendly
folk he's he's kind of a North Dakotan leprechaun in there you're always after me snowy charms no i i watched it all snowy charms
i watched it all uh i prefer season one i'm sure the entire world does my girlfriend couldn't even
enjoy it we didn't even watch season two with me she was like eh i'm not into it like season two
and i was like come on give it up i like three four episodes in she didn't like the characters
she didn't like uh she didn't appreciate the tie ins you know with the the season one you know season one often spoke about the events that
happened in season two and you know built them up like oh back then and 78 or whatever the fuck it
was you know so i was looking forward to that i felt like the uh the alien aspect of it was bizarre
and like disjointed and i and i wasn't confused by it I got it I just don't know why it
was there and why it wasn't either focused more upon or just left completely the fuck out one or
the other in that whole series where I just saw something I was like oh fuck like god damn it
jump the shark you jump the shark like episode one like I didn't care about it at all. With, like, there was so much more.
Like, there was already a ton at stake in what was happening at the motel where they were having to shoot out and whatnot.
Season two.
Season two of Fargo.
Toward the end.
And there was already a ton at stake.
All the gangs are meeting up.
They're all coming to the same spot.
And so you're already hyped.
And I was like, oh, fuck.
What's going to happen?
And then they get there
and in the middle of all the action where you're like trying to hash through and be like oh who's
winning who's not like what's going on this spaceship shows up and completely throws the
rhythm off of everything remember it was in episode one yeah yeah but it just i i didn't
like that addition at all to the show no it was It was bizarre, off-putting, and made no sense.
It felt a bit like an X-Files episode.
It was reminiscent of one, really.
But it came out of left field.
It's like all of a sudden if Decepticons rolled up in there
and were like,
Optimus Prime, we cannot allow him to take the sacred stone
and started blasting blasters away.
You'd be like, okay okay it's transformers now all
right yeah there's just no reason to add that to it they took away from a really important part
just to put something in that didn't need to it's like if when and that's on the heels given that
speech to to sam right before to pippin right before the trolls break down in minas tirith
second minas tirith reference of the night and he's saying, this isn't not the end.
And he's given all the details about the rolling hills and whatnot, and
then they finally bust it down. But it's like,
if in the middle of that speech, they just cut
to, you know, fucking Gollum masturbating
in a cave, and that was it.
It was never revisited to see what
happened. It's just at the end, they showed up in Frodo's
bedroom. Yeah, it was terrible.
And the worst part is that comes on the heels of season one,
which is really a masterpiece.
It really stands out.
Very, very good season.
Billy Bob Thornton steals the show.
Amazing performance.
Plays one of those creepier Javier Barden-type characters
from No Country for Old Men
who's clearly an individual who's not like the rest of us.
He's not a socially competent human being.
He's a creep, a weirdo.
He makes your skin crawl when he's in the room
because he doesn't look at you like a fucking person.
He looks at you as something to be used,
extract information from.
He doesn't care how he does it.
He even says in the show,
he's like, you think there are rules.
He goes through that.
Woody loves that shit.
I like those moments too.
I am the one who knocks.
It goes back to anything like that when it's
fucking laying the law down.
The writers took a minute and wrote a little gem
here. This is going to roll off his tongue.
This is a badass fucking moment.
I like that shit too.
This show was full of it.
It felt like a movie. That's the other thing.
The production quality is so high on Fargo season one.
My girlfriend, she's like, how long is this movie?
Four episodes in.
And I'm like, this is a show, baby.
We got like 10 fucking episodes to go.
And she's like, yeah.
Production quality is a weird thing.
I love the line that he says when he's in the police station.
And he just is leaving.
And he's like, just like, and the way he looks, it's almost like he's looking like through the glasses like an awkward guy.
And he's like, you know why the human eye can see more shades of green than any other color?
Predators.
Yeah.
He doesn't, you think about that when you figure it out, you'll know the answer.
And he just leaves.
He just turns around and leaves.
And it's like, he's so, it's so perfect.
I love that kind of bad guy so much more than like
an over-the-top you remind me of isaac sosa yeah because he's he's just eccentric and weird and
there's something off-putting about him just the way that he talks you can always tell like this
guy is half a beat away from either like starting to sing a song or stabbing me, or I don't know what direction he could move in in the next half a second, you know?
I think your boy is slow.
Yeah.
I think your boy is slow.
That was perfect.
That was good.
Something wrong with him.
Yeah, I really enjoyed that.
Pull your hair down.
You'll have it perfect.
You look just like him.
That's all that melissa could talk
about when we first watched that series and she's like i can't stop thinking about how
with that his hair like that it looks exactly like kyle when he used to do his hair like
like your boy is slow yeah
yeah that's that's a great show i i love that i i i wish there were more shows like
that and it reminded me of true detective season one have you seen that yeah um i don't think
woody cares for it so much but i love it at all i thought season one excellent season two
i didn't i got three episodes no maybe two and a half into two but season one was good i liked it
why did you care for it, Woody?
Again, you know, the only thing I don't fuss about
with these slow-paced things in pacing is Bone Tomahawk
and one of the other Westerns.
Revenant?
The one that's not the Revenant.
Hateful Eight.
Hateful Eight I thought was a little slow-paced,
and so was Bone Tomahawk and I like those.
But a lot of times when the pacing doesn't move along
like I'd like it to, like in True Detective season one
and I hear two is worse, I hold that against it.
Like give me a little something.
Advance the plot.
Do a thing.
I felt like they were giving you something every episode.
And by the way, that scene where Alexandria Daddario gets naked with Woody Harrelson,
that is a perfect woman.
I like the Alexandria Daddario a lot.
She is all over the internet, super naked.
But that scene in particular, you see everything.
And everything on this woman is fucking perfect.
She's beautiful.
She's got these gigantic, sexy blue eyes. She's got
perfect lips. Huge.
I was on the edge of my seat to figure out what was gigantic.
I was like, is he a big areola guy?
Is he?
Would she be allowed on Australian
television down there?
I would leave
Australia if they didn't let her on television.
Let me show you. She's beautiful.
But yeah, I liked that season a lot.
Oh, you sent it to him privately?
No, I didn't send it to anybody.
I'm just getting it together.
Okay, okay.
I thought it was a copy-paste thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Beautiful lady.
I know. He started his url with
hvvvvg oh that must have already been in the in the box yeah there you go
yeah pretty lady oh this is an imdb link i was expecting to see a gif
dudes or something i was gonna bother you how the side of her face looks a little bit like the Novocaine hasn't worn off yet?
That's not nice.
Like if she drank out of a straw, it kind of just
dribbles back out.
You know what I'm
thinking about?
Score big.
I'm hypercritical.
You know what I'm thinking about?
You're paying too much for your tickets.
Between all the markups and last-minute convenience charges,
even printed home fees,
you end up paying courtside prices for nosebleed seats.
ScoreBig.com is here to change all that.
ScoreBig works directly with your favorite teams and artists
to get their unsold seats at unpublished prices.
Only with ScoreBig can you name a ticket price
and be guaranteed to pay below box office,
up to 60% off in some cases.
Here's what you do.
One, go to scorebig.com or download the new ScoreBig app for your iPhone
and find the event and seats that you want.
Two, make an offer with ScoreBig's name and ticket price feature.
And three, get an instant answer and save up to 60% on your tickets.
Never any fees, and shipping is always free.
You can count on unbeatable prices and great seats and when you're in these great
seats you actually enjoy the game or the show all the more uh... next time you go
see any game or show go to score big first and see how much you can save for
the easiest way to save on tickets download the new score big app for your
iphone enter promo code pka at checkout and you'll save an extra twenty dollars
for your first ticket off your first ticket purchase no iphone no problem get
twenty dollars off online too at scorebig.com.
That's scorebig.com, promo code PKA.
scorebig.com, promo code PKA.
When I was a kid, there was a movie theater just outside town
that sold their movies cheap.
It was like $1.50 to get in, which in today's dollars is like $2.50.
And the movies all sucked.
But I loved them because they were $2.50
and I had a different set of standards.
I think I could go to a Canes game
and watch them lose and still love it
with scorebig.com.
Because if the prices are lower,
you just enjoy your event a little better.
There's no expectation.
Don't show that one to the screen.
You have no expectations in that team anyway
and you have no expectation for the prices.
So you just show up. You just pick your game. You wait until the team that one to the screen. You have no expectations in that team anyway, and you have no expectation for the prices. So you just show up.
You just pick your game.
You wait until the team that you like is there.
Scorebig.com, that's a really cool thing.
I'm going to definitely use them to try and get some playoff tickets.
That would be pretty sweet.
Yeah, Chiz told me to pick something out on there.
I've been looking around for something I want to go to.
Braves games, right?
Probably so. I would also like to go to
a comedy show or if there's some theater tickets
I'd like to do that too. I like going to the theater.
I don't do it very often but I've been
to two or three different things and I always like it.
How many Braves games do you go to a year?
Braves games?
Not that many.
Three or four. See it's like a two hour drive
for me and then traffic is a
motherfucker because i don't live there yeah just like it's an all-day thing if i want to go
you know you got to get there and then get there like an hour early to to account for all the
traffic and like the the hell that is getting in the stadium parking sometimes feels like you're
you're in the jungle like i don't know who these people are. I'm just like, I give you 20 bucks and I'm okay.
He's like, yeah, yeah.
I guess.
And I'm like, wait a fucking minute.
Maybe I asked the wrong question.
Who are you?
You know, you go that side of Atlanta.
I'll be 20 bucks.
I'll be whoever you want me to be.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I'll be Leroy, Parnell, whoever, whatever.
I'm the owner of this parking garage, goddammit.
Do you get to hockey games early? Do Taylor, do you get to hockey games early?
Do what?
Do you get to hockey games early?
Dude, when I go to a hockey game, and maybe it's easier at a Canes game.
I really haven't been to a lot of places.
But we can stand behind the goals when they warm up and the players shoot the puck at you.
It is an amazing experience.
at you it is an amazing experience i i their wrist shots like they do these effortless wrist shots that are as fast as my slap shot and it's nothing to them and those will sit there and you know your
face is like four inches off the glass they will hit you in the nose at mock one with the hockey
puck and it's just like bam like it hits you hard it's like
being the fish having your glass tapped you're just behind like wow and then
it's just like so they're warming up right the same thing happens during
games where Kyle I'm sure you've seen gifts of this where people put their
like beer on the the edge near the glass and then there will
be like a big hit and the glass gives a little bit so people aren't dying and it'll just knock
all the beer into everybody's lap if they're a retard and just i saw a guy get hit i saw a guy
get hit with a puck in one of the games that i went to it was the bruins and thrashers in atlanta
and the puck went there's nets out there to them, but somehow this didn't get caught in that net and beamed a guy.
I saw him at a game, I think, earlier this year that I went to at a Blues game.
I didn't know what a puck was like, having never played the game.
I may have never picked up a hockey stick in my life,
but I had definitely never picked up a hockey puck.
But when my friend had one from the game that he had gotten at some point,
it was signed by Kovalchuk or some bullshit.
But anyway, I was like, holy fuck.
This thing is heavy and dense, and I bet, I think they freeze them, right?
They do.
So it's hard as a rock.
It's so hard.
That's a real piece of sports equipment right there.
People who don't know hockey at all, they store the pucks on ice, even in beer leagues, so that they bounce less.
If the puck is just rubber, it tends to bounce.
It's there on the edge a lot.
But when it's frozen, it wants to lay flat.
So speaking of freezing things, Kitty is looking into some cryotherapy perhaps for her arthritis.
And yeah, yeah.
So what they do, they put you in this fucking chamber they put
you in this just dry air chamber apparently so so it's not as bad but they lower it to like negative
270 something degrees and for like three minutes of exposure to this and whatever was fucking with
you is gonna seem like not a big deal and and she was saying she's a little scared to be in there by
herself etc etc i was like fuck it I'll go to cryotherapy with you.
Let's do this thing.
So I'm going to go to cryotherapy with her, and I'm going to get in this tank.
They say it's good for your skin.
So I'm looking forward to a few of these treatments.
I'm going to knock a few years off.
It's going to be nice.
Dude, I wish I could.
You're going to be looking 26 in no time.
I wonder if an iPhone can survive cryotherapy.
And how naked do you get?
Do you wear boxers in it?
She said something about that.
You know, there's some sort of, you wear some stuff.
There's some stuff you wear.
There's like a face thing, and I don't know.
You're not naked at all.
It's swimwear at the lowest, if that makes sense.
I think you're in something.
It's like something to keep you warm?
No, I think it's just to keep your face from freezing
off or something. I don't know.
I don't fucking know anything about this shit.
Could your eyeballs freeze?
Negative 270's
cold.
There's no way it's negative 270.
I was like, I'm going to spit on you.
She's like, ew, freeze for what gets to me.
I was like, that's the point. That'll be hilarious.
Wait, are you going to...
I thought it was a
one-person booth like smaller than I
don't like it well just open your mouth
and and see if your saliva starts to
freeze I thought about wetting my hair
before I went in and seeing if I could
like shatter some hair off or something
I thought that would be I can't wait for
that to go wrong I'm sorry how cold can water get 32
degrees is that literally the coldest it
can be like how cold it gets colder ok can be? Like how cold is really cold? No, it'll just be ice if it gets colder.
Okay, okay.
I guess how cold can ice get?
Is there no limit on how cold ice can get?
There's absolute zero, but that is...
I think ice doesn't get colder than 32.
That's why in Florida, like when it's going to freeze over,
they'll spray the oranges with water
because it'll make an ice like shell around them
and they'll only drop to 32 degrees
rather than the negative 10 degrees that the air might be outside. So'll only drop to 32 degrees rather than the negative 10 degrees
that the air might be outside so on the other side with the hot stuff ice only hits 212 you
can modify it like if you put salt in it and stuff it'll get a little warmer but and i've
experimented with this if you put a water bottle in a fire like let's say you have a half full
water bottle like the kind you drink from the top half of it will melt but the part with water in it doesn't melt even in the fire and
coals uh because the water it evaporates rather than getting hotter than 212 and it'll just keep
the um the plastic from melting until it evaporates out of it. Yeah. Negative 55 is as cold as water gets.
Under normal atmospheric conditions,
it freezes at 32.
I would...
Okay.
That's what I was about to say.
That would also change the scenario
you were talking about in the fire.
Like, the atmospheric conditions,
like the pressure,
would definitely change things up and down.
But I don't think so.
Because water won't get higher than 212
because it will become steam.
Steam. But in, but in a pressure cooker.
You know?
Oh, I follow.
As a matter of fact, in a radiator
it goes over 212, which is like a pressure cooker.
We should leave.
Physics isn't our strong suit by any means.
No, no, no. We need to forge a steam talk.
You want to forge ahead with our
talk of physics?
How did we get on this anyway?
Where did this come from?
Cryotherapy.
You were talking about...
Oh, yeah, the cryotherapy.
We really should just look up cryotherapy and see what that's...
What is it supposed to...
I don't understand.
This seems like a crock of shit.
Cryotherapy.
Let's learn.
So let me ask you this, Taylor.
You know when athletes take an ice bath,
is that a crock of shit?
No.
I feel like this is so cold
that it's like, aren't there
diminishing returns once you get colder than an ice bath?
It reduces inflammation.
It's much shorter.
An ice bath is meant to do that as well.
Oh, I guess, how long are you spending
in this cryogenic chamber?
One and a half to three minutes.
Oh, so real quick.
Because I guess you would die.
I thought it was quicker.
I thought it was like a blast.
Like you go in there and like nine seconds later
you've been cryo'd.
Three minutes will cool you off.
Let's see.
You're going to get the real leonardo dicaprio
revenant experience in there it looks like a sauna like a stand-up like like i'm seeing one
here that looks like a a little room here let me help yeah i'm at that same link um and i i don't
know much about it but i saw an mma fighter do it like they whatever insider or something and it
it was like this.
It was a small room.
They went in there.
You couldn't see what happened in there.
And then they came out.
And, you know, like you see a freezer open and all the fog drifts into the ground.
That happened.
And the fighter emerged from cryotherapy.
That'll be fun.
I'm looking forward to that.
When she mentioned it, I was like, yeah, I'm totally down.
And she was worried about the whole thing. So I'm go do that that'll be cool yeah i i wonder if more athletes would
i think it's expensive for it to be in your like regular thing like if you want to try it like you
are that's one thing if it was like your post workout routine all of a sudden you're like you
know 500 bucks a workout or something. I made that up.
Yeah, I have no idea the cost.
I know her insurance is covering the bulk of hers for sure.
But I'm looking forward to seeing what that's all about. That'll be interesting.
Inflammation and all that stuff.
That sounds good. Maybe I'll feel better.
It looks more scientific than I thought it was going to be.
Maybe it's because I'm reading it from their website.
I'm putting a lot of trust in them.
Were you imagining a Mr. Freeze scenario from the Batman movies?
I was imagining them having you close your eyes
and then a bunch of people with those fans that you can mist on people
just kind of move those around you.
Get ready. It's going to get intense.
It won't quite feel minus 100, but shh.
Oh, wait. There's an answer here.
In the cryo sauna, clients are protected with socks, gloves, and slippers.
In the cryo chamber, I guess the smaller one,
clients wear additional mouth and ear protection.
Clothing worn during the treatment is minimal.
For women, clothing is optional.
I'm sorry.
For women, clothing is optional.
While for men men genitals
have to be covered with cotton underwear now to be honest that's for scientific reasons
i was like sexist sexist but then i was like oh wait that's there's a good reason for that
right like your nuts that could freeze off like it's an appendage that has issues. I actually – I was wondering if women who sometimes are –
I feel like it's a moister, more exposed organ would have more to risk than guys
who to me it's a very closed organ like a hand.
Like there would be stalactites and stuff when they're walking out of there.
A vagina might just freeze shut or something like that.
It sounds crazy, but we are talking about negative 270 here.
Clam up.
Clam up.
Please.
Right?
I want a big Austrian guy to come in with a big fucking backpack rig that looks like a flamethrower, but it's an ice machine.
He's like, it's time to freeze.
And then we're just like, holy fuck, is this really what it is?
And he's like, just kidding.
And they turn the machine on., fuck, is this really working? And he's like, just kidding. And they're like, they turn the machine on.
I just, I don't know.
I feel like, couldn't you just take an ice bath and see if that worked really well for her too?
I think it's a completely different thing.
I don't know.
I'm not saying this thing works or that there's anything scientific behind it.
I'm not saying this thing works or that there's anything scientific behind it,
but there's definitely a big difference between hitting the outside of your body with negative 250 Fahrenheit and getting in a 32-degree bath,
which I feel like would lower your core temperature.
I feel like what this thing is is more of like a shock to your exterior, I would think.
She mentioned it being good for your skin, and I'm nice and vain and about to be 30,
so why not you
know when do you think it would be possible to say that in this chamber may 9th may 9th
yeah so do you think it would be possible to jack off in this chamber if it was like a day
you considered that but i was afraid like what if my i'm going to use some lubrications
i guess the oil if i use like some like that's gotta that doesn't have a freezing point so if
i could keep it going fast enough to prevent any freezing I could blow some icy loads right right watch until
it freezes like with a little bit left to go your urethra and it's just a kind of bootleg
I think that wrapped up I'll strap on some me undies and that'll be uh that'll be all I need
to keep everything in line I will spit spit in there, though, when nobody's
looking. I'm gonna do it. They can't stop me.
They said that you had to wear cotton underwear. Maybe the
Modal is too good,
and it would keep you too warm to be effective.
I would think just wear the cotton.
Modal's too high quality.
You wear it every day. That's 365 days
a year, rain or shine. You need it to be
extraordinary. Without an insane price tag,
MeUndies understands this, and that's why they've created the world's most comfortable underwear.
Luxury at half the retail price you'd find anywhere else.
They're right out of a revolutionary new fabric called Modal,
a fabric that's twice as soft as cotton and twice as soft as whatever you're wearing right now.
Most of us wear underwear every day,
so why settle for low-quality multi-pack underwear that's scratchy and lame?
MeUndies has tons of colors and styles for both men and women,
which means that you and your lady can finally have matching underwear.
They release a new design every month, and on top of that,
they even have free shipping to the United States and Canada.
MeUndies has a money-back guarantee.
If you don't love your first pair, you get to keep it for free.
That's right, they don't want your used underwear back,
so you have nothing to lose.
The best part about all of this is that they're offering 20% off your first order
when you use our URL, meundies.com.
So click the link in the description or go to meundies.com to get 20% off your first order.
One of my favorite sponsors that we have, I wear them as much as I can.
I just filled out my order form to get some more.
So now we'll have like four or five pair in the rotation.
And once we get seven, then all the pieces are in play
are you wearing one right now
uh no i've got some hanes on right now they're scratchy itchy uh i've got i've got some kind
of a rash going on that you're sitting in ball soup down there too no moisture pulling away
jungle down there a swamp people get some meies. Stop being a fucking peasant.
They will present your junk like the royalty you are deserves to be presented.
I'm wearing my MeUndies right now.
They're actually – I honestly thought you were being just over the top, which is to be expected.
You're, oh, this is the best fucking underwear.
This is really good underwear.
This is actually – I thought it was going to be just underwear you get in the mail.
This is really comfortable. It's's more like i don't know i don't feel like you know how when you get like
haynes or calvin klein or something for like a week it's it's got that tight feeling on your
thighs you know it stays in place when you pull your pants up it doesn't come in bunch all around
your dick and balls and everything you know it stays way low on your thigh these ones i feel like are going to be like this for a while like it's still very taut you know
yeah everything and it doesn't just it i thought that i was being framed correctly before by by
being just kind of you know it was squeezing you against your body but no this this kind of gives
you like a little like no nutsack what do you do all the way down there? Get off. You're off the lock.
It's like a miracle bra for your cock.
It's like when you're sitting down and your balls want to do that thing that's uncomfortable,
especially in summer months where they start sticking to your legs and they're lazy and hanging.
It's like half an inch away from asshole country.
It's so just hanging out there.
Sometimes they go in.
Sometimes it's going in. You know? Who's to say? You know, sometimes they'll be back there and It's so just hanging out there. Sometimes they go in. Sometimes it's going in.
You know, who's to say?
You know, sometimes they'll be back there,
and I'll just pop one in there.
Just, you know, why not?
Get out of the way.
That's what I say.
That's what I say, too.
But anyway, it's really great underwear.
It's going to happen one way or another.
We all know that.
So might as well get it in there.
Yeah.
Are you wearing your MeUndies, Chiz?
Always.
Always.
He's always wearing his MeUndies.
He hasn't washed his yet.
He's found that the Modal is not only twice as soft as cotton,
it's also a natural antibacterial, like honey.
So he hasn't washed his since he's bought them.
He's been wearing the same pair.
It's sort of an experiment.
And we're going to be auctioning off that pair
of underwear at the end of the month.
It's going to be big.
And we did confirm
that Kyle's theory
about it repelling poop is indeed
correct because Chiz has had that problem.
He's on the 100% food diet.
Has been for months now.
I really don't know if he's ever going to eat real food again.
He's raving about that shit constantly.
He talked
about having his jaw wired shut
so that he wouldn't even be tempted
anymore by solid food.
Yeah, he's talking about...
What is it? Three and a half months
that you haven't... Hey, I got a question, Chiz.
How much money would it take
for you to get your jaw wired shut for a week?
Like legitimately, how much money would like some benefactor, the PKA fans have to come up?
$2,000, he said.
For a week?
Would he have to show up on the show with his jaw wired shut?
I think so.
I think he'd have to be on the show for three weeks, right? It will not. No it first of all it will not be painless Chiz.
Wait. It will not be. Getting your jaw wired shut is not painless?
No. Well no not the way we're gonna do it. We're gonna be threading it into the gum tissue. You
gotta keep it on. In essence I feel like he'd be getting braces uh for a week. I don't know how it
works but you know getting braces but it wouldn't braces for me and Kyle. I think it would be
painless. I'll explain why.
Stuts to his teeth and we'd wire them together.
I've had braces before.
And what hurts is the wire that
shifts your teeth. If you just have
like gluing the little
brace things on is completely painless.
So they basically cement these things to your teeth.
Then they'd wire top to bottom.
And his mouth would be shut.
And I figured he'd have to at least make an appearance on the show for three weeks to show a two-week span, right?
Because if it was two shows, then that's just a one-week span, right?
So it would have to be three shows to demonstrate that he had it on.
Well, he needs to be on constant FaceTime.
You know, for $2,000 and considering the fact that we're going to have to pay the dentist, I would rather buy a hydraulic press
and put that Finnish guy
or whatever the fuck out of business.
I got to say,
that's also money.
You just get a bigger press than this guy
and you'll have yourself a YouTube channel.
That's all you need.
And who knows,
maybe Quable Cop hosts the channel,
heavily crushing the drug cookies
and they see their toes from there.
Yeah, you would do a bunch of drugs
and then you would... Taylor, would you actually do it like just all like throw the bullshit aside right if you were supplied with
a hydraulic press would you be able to make it happen and like i say this as a guy i'm talking
to a man who hasn't uploaded a gameplay video in three months all right like would you go and
source interesting things to crush and crush it and make a video?
I feel like finding stuff to crush wouldn't be hard.
But those ones we were looking at, those presses, I feel like you need a serious workshop to have something like that.
You can't just like, oh, movers.
When you put my couch there, just put my three-ton crushing press right next to it.
And you probably need like, I don't know, some sort of three-phase, four-phase power or something.
What does the thing run on?
Probably a three-phase car, but you could definitely get an adapter for it.
It's not called an adapter.
A converter, maybe?
I forget.
But you've seen the three-phase to one-phase or single-phase converters before.
You'd need that, too.
I would crush stuff on my own time like if i had that it
wouldn't just be like a video it would be like oh i'm going to like fucking mcdonald's and i'm
gonna ask for all the old fries and just like just see like how much oil are we gonna crush
out of this what's it gonna be it'd be neat and crushing stuff that's way more interesting than
what that other dude is you know yeah some of his stuff is not interesting.
Bones?
He crushed a Lego car.
That's not a good one.
And then afterwards,
unsurprisingly,
it flattened.
And the press seemed to win
this fight as well.
Against a little car.
I would take this pistol
that's fucking loaded
and lay it in there like that
and crush it. Like, that's what
should be getting crushed. Some shit like that.
No, that's... Yes!
It'd be exploding. That's just gonna be sad.
Bullets. Yeah, I mean...
It might explode, yeah, right? When the striker's in the back
and they pop, perhaps?
Yeah, it's gonna get smushed and compressed,
and the primers are going to go off,
and there's going to be small explosions,
and I don't know exactly what's going to happen.
Well, that can be one of our collab videos.
Ah, yes.
When we're collabing in FPS Russia and Crusher Man.
Sure.
I want to collab with you, too. I'll bring a dead mouse.
Hang on.
No, I wouldn't want a mouse. It's too little.
Okay, a dead cat. You drive a hard
bargain.
People are too attached to cats. Maybe like a dead
rabbit.
Like a hair.
Not a cute rabbit, an ugly one.
The kind that you would eat, generally.
Or hunt. You could get
youtube.com the crusher.
The crusher.
Yeah, that's who you would be.
You would be the crusher,
and you would put googly eyes and face paint and stuff
on your crushing machine,
and it would have a personality.
It would be a character itself.
What would his name be?
Does anyone have a building that you could use?
Do your parents have a...
Well, you're too far, right?
I also have space for a crusher.
Compute!
Right?
But, like, does your dad have a spot in his garage for a 7-ton crusher?
Or a 100-ton crusher, I guess it'd have to be.
150-ton?
I don't know.
I'd have to find, like, storage or something that I could keep it and do it from.
Because I do not feel comfortable going to anyone in my life and being like,
do it from because I do not feel comfortable going to anyone in my life and being like hey on a wild idea me and some friends both nine thousand dollar hundred ton crushing press and
I need where your car usually is for it and it's on the way here now and thank you so much like
what would I even do all right by the way can I unplug the dryer yeah can I unplug the dryer
and the washer and if you could just shut shut off everything in the basement while I'm here,
that would be...
I've got some guys in the back already wiring up a few things for me.
They're going to climb your light pole.
Don't mind them.
They are illegal, so...
It's not just what we're doing.
You're going to be without power for about two, maybe three days.
A blast cage, Taylor?
Oh, you're going to want the blast cage.
Yeah, what would be the first thing I should crush?
I'm trying to think of what would just humiliate that guy crushing Legos and not...
I'm sure he's a nice guy, but he needs to step up his game if he's gonna compete in this fast-paced market of hydraulic products.
I would crush lithium batteries. You crush lithium batteries, you crush propane tanks,
you crush things that react and explode when you crush them,
you crush things that shoot ooze out that you wouldn't expect when you crush them.
Things like a whole big thing of ink pens.
What if you crushed like a hundred pack of ink pens and that black ooze went everywhere?
Crush fleshy things that are alive, like a whole fucking turkey.
You could crush, like you said, bones and see the marrow and the liquid that comes out of bones even after a while.
bones and see the marrow and the liquid that comes out of bones even after you know a while and the gig at the like a little bit at the end where his wife or girlfriend or whatever makes
that little play-doh thing we would totally one-up that every single time it would be
well not dog shit because i i have to keep using the press you gotta i don't want to do that yeah
maybe like just a big vulgar like middle finger made out of like ballistics gel or
i feel like dildos won't get you that far because you're gonna get flagged and it's also as soon as
it gets crushed it's just gonna be like every other rubber slash plastic thing you know and
you couldn't even stand it up like that because it's gonna hit and then be like bow out and then
just spring away.
You need a whole variety.
You need a special press, right?
So I imagine this thing can do a couple things.
They're the press in my imagination.
So it's got a big sandwich-style squisher, right, with some big square plates, let's say a foot and a half by a foot and a half square.
And those can, like, sandwich crush anything.
But maybe there's a thing you can bolt on there that's like a cylinder that's hollow and and there's a there's a punch that'll go into that
cylinder to ultra crush things you know like and you could fill it up with anything and really
compress it like that's a good and then you could make me a gun that could fire whatever crushed
projectile thing we did i throw a bunch of shit in. Let's see what it'll fire out of the FPS cannon. You could grind up
numerous items in a grinder and then compress them into bullets
and fire them. Because you know Smarties, candies,
those are just compressed sugar. They use a really high tonnage press to make those.
It's just k-kunk, k-kunk, k-kunk, making those things. So you make a bullet.
What's great is that
Yeah, we could have like a once a week or once a day job of crushing like bullets and guns and stuff
And then that same crush would make Smarties as a you know side full-time job. That's my weekend gig
Made Smarties old-time
Big they sell it by this Handmade Smarties. Old time. Right. I would buy that. It smells slightly of dead hair.
If you make Smarties the size of a hockey puck,
that'd be cool.
That would be cool.
What else could be crushed
that that guy has not even thought about yet?
Alright, so you gotta think about things
that maybe aren't illegal for whatever
kind of pussy country he's from.
Finland.
So anything
firearm related? Yeah. Bullets
I think would be cool. Just take a whole
handful of bullets and
throw them in there. Just see what would happen. Primers are cool.
They snap, crackle, and pop.
I don't know. Let's
think.
I think compressed air
cylinders. Like CO2 cartridges?
Ooh, what would those do?
Those would be kind of violent, volatile.
Maybe a compressed air tank, like a paintball one.
You know, that fiberglass woven tank.
Put 4,500 PSI in that motherfucker and compress it until it ruptures.
That'd be neat.
That would be.
I keep coming back to the living room.
What if we compress diesel until it just spontaneously explodes?
Because that's how it works anyway.
I don't think you...
That's great. You just need a container.
Maybe you'd use a cylinder.
That cylinder thing I was talking about.
I didn't know you could compress diesel to make it explode.
That's how it works. There's no spark or anything.
It just compresses in the cylinder until boom.
Ah, that's interesting.
Huh.
Well, I didn't know that.
So yeah, I think it would be really cool.
You know, I wish one of you would do it.
I love to come up with these ideas for this thing,
but I'm going to tell you right now,
I don't want to take on the project of being the crusher.
I could do that so easily.
I feel like the stable is going to be done by this weekend. I've got you know all the pack and wire it up
I got room in there. I have
You should be the country means I would love to be the crusher and but it
You don't you wouldn't even have to be a character to make people watch that as long as you were crushing badass stuff
I want characters better come to the crash. Oh
Yeah, how many times...
That's...
People are just gonna get so pissed and be like, oh, that nice Finnish guy, and now this
dick is up here with a bigger crusher making fun of him.
You can go full America.
Go America with it.
Just, just red, white, and blue everything.
Oh.
I saw there was some...
Crushed politicians.
I saw there was a Finnish crusher out there with some 7500 ton press.
Pussy shit! Welcome to Raikato. I saw there was a Finnish crusher out there with some 7500 ton press. PUSSY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Kyle for commentary. You do the voiceover and we'll have a thing.
Okay.
That would be hilarious.
I think you've got the cameras that would be perfect for this
because your high-speed camera, like the MP700,
would be great running at like 250 frames.
You don't even have to do anything crazy.
You could still maintain a beautiful picture.
But just a little slower and sharper.
Oh, man, it would look great.
This guy's a fucking amateur out there, killing it killing it on he doesn't know who he's fucking
with rape squad killers are on the case I'm just saying you just need a bigger
press than he's got that's all he's got that's all that he's got in all of his
videos it's the exact same thing it's just him picking up whatever it was and
just being like well it looks like the brass has won this fight again.
And then that's it.
Start a war with him right away. You cannot be this guy's
friend. You're not a comrade in any
way. You're the enemy of his channel.
That has to be part of your thing.
So when he crushes something, you crush ten of them.
Be like, there's a guy out there
crushing hockey pucks. Fuck that shit!
We got a hundred hockey pucks!
And stack them on top of each other. I put sixty hockey pucks in a hockey we got a hundred hockey pucks and like stack them just you know 60 hockey pucks in a hockey helmet in a dead goat you know
exactly you know what that would be cool we take like the epic kill time crushes
if you take like deer limbs if you go hunting like the limb you're not going to eat it anyway
just to see what what the fuck it would do i'm curious if it would just be like a weird papery
like membrane that was holding it together like nunchucks
or if it would totally split.
So I know where for $150
you can get a goat carcass.
It's the whole goat. It's butchered.
It's gutted and everything.
I've used targets before. I've shot them with that
RIP self-defense
ammo, rapidly invasive projectile
or some shit. It doesn't seem to do it with a flash.
Goat seemed like a good
stand-in.
You could crush a whole fucking goat if you had the right
press. You could do some hardcore
shit.
Yeah. I mean, you just get
a pressure washer and hose it down afterwards.
Can you imagine how much liquid that would be?
It would just liquefy that whole goat.
So it would just be a goat's worth of pulp
and nastiness.
We'd sell the pulp.
He has a 100 ton press, right?
He's got a bitch
press is what he's got.
I need to know because I need to know what's
more. I saw a...
I'm on eBay right now surfing with the viewers
and
for $5,500 here's
an air hydraulic shot press 100 ton dude i've got the air compressor
and the power to do this thing 4500 right what's stopping me here's another one for 4900 it's 100
ton automotive press it looks badass here i'll give you a link how are these looking compared
to his press well You can tell me.
I got a piece super bad, so I'm going to go do that.
I want more.
I'm really interested in press talk, and I want this to happen. So that press you've got there, we had something similar to that in our shop,
and it's just a really small work piece.
I think that's what you call it, the thing that does the work, like the puncher.
You might be able to swap that out for something else.
But you're right. Now, there's shop. You need a very girthy press. You might be able to swap that out for something else. But you're right.
You need a very girthy
presser. I'll be back.
I think this is
a great idea and I would love to crush
shit. I think the budget needs to
stop. If we're being honest
about it, we can talk crap all
we want in $18,000 prices, but
it's not an $18,000 idea to
me.
But if we were to say five grand, especially if there was
any viewer help, we can make
this a thing.
We?
We got viewer help. It would be way bigger than that
one, I bet. Well, I don't know.
It's no
boot camp idea.
Well,
I don't know.
I think that would be really fun there's so much ground
to cover in that because it's not you can't ever run out of shit you know oh oh damn we already
crushed uh you know volleyball full of whatever the hell you know oh now we'll just do four of
them like there's yeah see so infinite possibilities here's 150 ton press but at
$13,000 $13,000 is a big investment for me to stick this in my stable that press
makes his press look like a bitch though does it here's a $40,000 press that's too much
I I kind of want it unless the viewers are going to help a ton,
I kind of want to stop this press thing at like five grand-ish.
That's, ooh, here's a 150-ton air hydraulic press for $5,500.
Ooh.
We're getting close here.
Let's see what it looks like.
I don't know.
That one's too little.
See the Dake Model 8
170 hydraulic press?
The green one?
The picture in there. That gap
between the top and the bottom there
where you put stuff, that's four feet.
That's $13,000
press.
Yeah, I'm just saying the difference between
what these things are. You could crush that press with the000 press. Yeah, I'm just saying the difference between what these things are.
You could crush that press with the top press.
Probably.
I don't know.
Whatever it had to be. We had to figure out what
make and model that bastard's
got running over there.
I like how we're talking
about it like we actually dislike this guy
who's just a friendly dude from Finland
crushing things. I like to think he's not a real person i mean he's not even american
he's finished here's a thousand ton one for a hundred thousand dollars you see like
oh my god i'm trying to be serious about this thing wow you should see it it's like as tall
as three humans link it okay
Link it.
Okay.
Copy link address.
That thing is huge.
But I'm not going to put $100,000 into this.
Yeah, my God.
That's too much.
Also, I don't think my ceiling is high enough. I think it needs to be no more than like 14 or 16 feet tall.
If it gets higher than that, I think it'll hit my roof.
Maybe even less.
It might be 12-foot ceilings.
You definitely don't want that one in your home.
That's like something that would be at like a smelting plant
or something like that it looks like.
I don't even know what you would use that for.
An entire goat's head.
Like the head but
maybe without the skin just but the eyeballs would still be there and slowly squish that
motherfucker and you add sound effects in post for it begging for its life i wish i had 20 grand
budget for this because here's a 200 ton press that would really do the job like i feel like this thing would would make all their presses
sissy presses and you know you should see my stable right now we've cleaned out everything
because we're getting ready for the concrete floor it looks so big i'll tell you what i'll do
um well i don't know if this is a big offer or anything but i know how difficult it can be to
film by yourself and this seems like
the kind of project that lends itself to doing lots of videos in batches so i'd be happy to
drive up there and spend any any amount of time really uh you know a weekend or a four-day weekend
or two weeks i don't fucking care whatever it took and film batches of videos with you helping
in whatever way uh and then a batch schedule upload.
Like imagine if it was so predictable.
Like every Wednesday at 2.30 p.m.
Shit, do one a day.
Yeah, every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Do it.
People love regular content.
Well, damn it.
Now Woody's going to get to be the crusher guy.
Because he's got a bunch of money and a big enough house to put a crusher in.
You can come.
There's no reason we all can't be there and doing voices and stuff
and having a good time.
I don't know.
We could do something silly with this.
It could be fun.
It could be like our little group channel or something.
That's a really good idea.
I mean, come on.
All three of us, we can't lose to this Finnish guy.
Yeah, he's only fucking Finnish.
He's not even American american that's a country if you told me to list 10 countries i wouldn't even cross my mind to
think about naming finland that would be like number 20 i'm like halfway through south america
and then i'm like oh fuck those guys up there with within the cold well i think this would be
really cool.
We could put some Patreon money into that or something, I guess.
Or if you want to make it your own thing,
you know, I don't know
what we want to do here.
But in any case, whatever we do,
I would be happily involved
with it in any capacity that
I might be wanted to.
I would love to just spend hours crushing stuff. Yeah, I want to come and crush stuff with you that's what i'm saying
um i also want to do some videos with taylor we've been talking about doing like some age
of mythology videos uh we definitely have to do that that would be really fun and just to give
some tips maybe and yeah because i think if we do like a tip video and show like i don't know
however many thousands of people who watch it what's up and like what aom is uh like you know maybe 50 or 100 of them will come and buy the 35 game and come play
with us because you know the more the merrier it's a lot more fun being up on people than it is on ai
or maybe you know that you'll you'll beat us we're not and people are getting better they're
definitely getting there's a couple people for sure that just a week cliff you're getting much
better who else is who else who's getting much better um that you are seven guy um he's getting
better um shit i wish i could remember more of their names but we play with a really small group
of guys probably three or four nights a week um and and they are improving they because because we were just
kicking the shit out of them for a while and now they're they watched they all watched the same
four minute and 30 second aranis uh video that kyle watched and now all those fuckers are doing
that strategy god that that press is fucking cool imagine like imagine if you had the press inside
of a small booth to get paint booth with white
walls semi-realistic on this thing i could build a booth but this thing's not so crazy that it
couldn't be real yeah but this is almost like a go big or go home kind of thing you don't think
a hundred blow him out of the water with your press. Alright, alright. Let's
I guarantee his press is bigger than that.
You do? I was gonna look.
Yeah.
33 inches of movement of carriage
up and down.
Six height adjustments of five and a half inch
increments.
Ram cylinder capable of
shifting.
Not quite sure what to make of that electric powered
hydraulic cylinder for heavy pressing for heavy duty pressing what do we know about this press of
his see he crushed a rubber ducky a rubber ducky it's not that i have some love for rubber duckies
it's that like you know what happens when you crush a lithium battery it explodes into fire
look i'm showing everyone what happens now when you crush a rubber ducky,
and the answer is very little.
Dude, this is 110 volts.
You can plug this one in next to your sink.
The one I linked?
Yeah.
That's 110 volts.
Yeah, just to get that last bit of toothpaste.
That would be one of the things you did.
Yeah.
That would be a funny video.
He's got a wildly successful channel, but it's really unremarkable, this rubber ducky smushing here.
How much does it cost to press one thing?
The answer is, how many things are you going to press this year?
Do you think that this would get a good amount of views?
Yeah.
I think it would as well.
I think his thing is getting views, and I feel like it's easy to outdo him because we're in America and we have some of the most liberal laws in the world as far as our freedoms and the things that we can do and get our hands on.
You can order any number of chemical compounds off the internet that are pressure sensitive and would explode or
do things that are cool
I got a chemist on tap that we could ask
about that at any time
and you know
crushing a loaded gun would be funny
I would love to do that
I just feel like
and there are guns that are cheap enough to crush
I can't think of that, there's really cheap
pistols, they don't even make them out of that. There's really cheap pistols.
They don't even make them out of real steel.
It's like pot metal.
He has a 100-ton press.
So that's our baseline.
I don't think you can say that.
We need to be able to say twice as good as that fin fuck.
Okay, the thing is, it appears that a 200-percent...
First of all, I haven't seen a single 200.
I've seen some 150s.
The 150s are like $18,000 to $85,000.
A 200-ton press, if it exists, here's a 200-ton press.
It's, I'll link it.
It's $60,000, and it looks like it's 30 feet wide.
Christ almighty.
50 tons, or 150 tons is probably fine then.
Here's 120.
Oh my god.
It made it look just like a tanning booth.
That's so dangerous.
Yeah.
I thought I was going to get
a nice tan.
It ended up a pancake.
It ended up dead.
Imagine the split second of horror if you were in that thing like as it came down and like oh no and then you just start exploding everywhere
i am like it'd be like i bet there'd be like a tenth a millionth of a second where you knew
like you could feel your head exploding and you could still think and then it would just be
dress could we dress the press up like a very stereotypical Mexican man with a sombrero and a large mustache and call him Señor Crashing Steam?
I thought that went without saying.
We could crush bobbleheads of people that – you know, crush a Hillary Clinton bobblehead, a Trump bobblehead.
We could crush things that aren't meant to be crushed.
Oh, a cue ball.
I don't know if he's done that yet, but like a billiard ball.
I had that same thing in my head, too.
That'll just crack.
Coconut.
Maybe he's done that.
Yeah, come on.
Coconut, you think?
Okay.
Watermelons, coconuts.
Any number of skulls, like animal skulls i feel
like he would be afraid to even do that but put a fucking deer skull in there dude why not it's
crushed that shit right i have a challenge thing kyle where it's like you get a certain amount of
objects and your challenge is you have to make an object that will be taller than x amount after
crushed so you have to like make a little make something that has to try and survive. And of course,
that never fucking works, because you're not going to outthink
150 tons coming down on it.
You could get some tooling together.
There's something you could put in there, but it would probably hurt
the press. See, there's a thing.
Yeah.
There's a lot of stuff we could do with that. I think it would be very fun.
Yeah, we're still on presses, you little
bitch. Fuck you, Chiz.
Where have you been watching
bernie sanders you cuck see yeah that cuck over there thinks the press talk is going over too
long what he doesn't know is i might make a bid on one of these things during the show to turn this
fucking senseless talk that i was 100 sure wouldn't happen into something that might actually flipping happen. I don't know why
I didn't curse that one time.
I would love to buy a crusher.
Just even if
not for a YouTube channel. Just to
have it. Just to see.
Trying to crush
paper would be hard I bet if you just laid
a bunch of paper down.
The myth you can't fold paper 7 or 8 times
or whatever. I guess it's not a myth. It's a fact. He folded it a bunch of times down. He folded, you know, the myth you can't fold paper seven or eight times or whatever. I guess it's not a myth,
it's a fact.
He folded it a bunch of times and when he finally...
Yeah, the seven times thing,
that was really neat.
I was thinking more like,
you know, when you just open
a bunch of printer paper
and it's like a whole ream of paper,
I wonder what would happen.
Like if it would actually compress
or...
Because it's basically wood, right?
You should crush books.
Yeah, you crush some books.
You know, get Mein Kampf over there and smush it.
Crush the Bible, crush the Quran.
Let's not do that.
Let's not do that.
That would be funny if you crush the Quran.
You're like, now we're going to crush the Bible.
But you put like a fake Bible in there that wouldn't crush.
You're like, it's a miracle!
That'd be a good viral video. Or just go through and, you know, finally it's Scientology. Who it won't crush, and you're like, it's a miracle! That'd be a good viral video.
Or just go through and, you know,
it's Scientology, who it won't crush.
Oh, yeah.
Points is cool.
Crushing anything with a battery in it,
like cell phones and stuff, those batteries
explode, and they'll be cool.
We could crush
all the Call of Duties
together.
Everything would be cool. could crush all the call of duties together uh everything that was almost a problem for me have i ever told you that that that whenever the yeah i was doing the call of duty commercial
they had it was a problem um you know i'd already like agreed to be in the commercial and we'd
already agreed to everything i was in it and it was a done deal and then they were like oh um we might
not want him in anymore it seems we found this call of duty hate video that he made and i was
like what the fuck what call do you hate video and it was that video of me destroying modern
warfare 2 and uh it was only after kitty showed them screenshots of my call of duty 4 um record
you know how much play time i have that they then re-agreed to let me uh be in
the commercial because they they thought that i was some hater that didn't even play the game and
i was like look i have spent hundreds of days playing your game i love it so much like uh you
know that i'll take that video down i don't fucking care um but but yeah they were not happy with that. They called it a Call of Duty 8 video.
Well, the Crusher thing.
I'm excited about it.
It's going to be the Crusher, Woody.
Are we going to get Crusher t-shirts?
Crusher, Crusher. We need theme music.
Dude, we all come live in Woody's guest house and be the Crusher.
I imagine you need, as it's crushing, as it's coming, you music and, like, the music's getting more pumped up and more hyped up and it's like,
CRUSHER! CRUSHER! CRUSHER!
A-WOOOOOO!
CRUSHER! CRUSHER!
Like, as it's finally-
No, it's gonna be, it's gonna be that, uh, oh my god, third Battle of Minas Tirith reference tonight when all the orcs are chanting for
Grand the Battery Ram at the front.
Grand! Grand!
That's what it's going to be. Grash!
Grash! Yeah. Oh.
I like that. I'm linked. I think that we're
making this show so specific.
It's going to be me and you watching it.
Watching our own content. Talking about how
just beating each other off of just, oh, look how
good this Lord of the Rings reference is. Do you think
five was too many in the six minutes?
No, I think they're loving it.
We disabled comments, but whatever.
That'd be funny.
What do we do for shipping in here?
Here's one from Minnesota.
So they've got to send it
basically on a
tractor trailer and then you've got to unload it basically on a, um,
you know, a tractor trailer,
and then you've got to unload it at your place with a forklift.
Um,
I can handle it once it gets here.
I'm sure.
How much does it weigh?
Cause it's a good question.
What if these are shitty presses?
I actually can't lift that.
All right.
You can't do that.
All right.
So my dad lifted a 4,500-pound thing
out of a tractor trailer with his tractor,
but still it was like,
all right, let's slowly lower it to the ground
because I know if he were to drop it and then stop,
it would have tipped the tractor over
with the forks on the front.
Yeah, you don't have what it takes to unload that.
I don't think I do.
How much does a...
I can lift about 15 pieces of plywood.
How much does plywood weigh?
What?
I'd say that's probably
like tens of thousands
of pieces of wood.
Yeah.
It weighs 6,000 pounds.
It'd be like
450 pieces of wood
or something.
Yeah, it'd be a lot.
Yeah, I'd say
a one-inch plywood
would be 100 pounds.
It's heavy.
It's a fucking load.
70 pounds.
This is like a piece of shit that just weighs 100 tons. And this is pressure-treated so it's heavy so 70 pounds this is like a piece and this
is pressure treated so it's wetter but even if we do 75 pounds uh 15 times 75 i promise you don't
have what it takes 11 yeah 6 000 i'm not even close it'll probably come on a pallet um and
meant to forklift now some of those trucks and i think maybe you can pay extra to have this
will come with a forklift attached to the back of the truck, and it lowers itself down,
and then they unload. You would need that. Shipping like that? No, that doesn't work.
The bottom of the U-Haul is rated lower than what this thing is. I've been through this.
But that shipping is cheaper than you might think it is getting it to you
would probably cost $400 or $500
I know that's not a small amount of money
by any means but you are moving
something that's 6,000 pounds across the country
and having it placed in place
so this one's a
realistic purchase
just saying
so are these new? are they used?
this particular one's new I don't know why it's less expensive
but it looks like a pretty serious machine i think craigslist might be might be worth digging
into for a little while because like what if we can find a three-year-old version of this that's
been working in a machine shop like i mean it's a hydraulic press that's not really i feel like
it's got life you know what i mean it's not like it's not like you're using that that constantly. Yeah, it's not like an engine or gears that can get stripped out or anything like that.
As far as I know, everything is like over-lubricated by nature.
There just happens to be a 500-ton hydraulic press near me.
How much?
It doesn't have a price.
I can just imagine.
Here's what you would do in your in your first video you would have you would have you would steal uh borrow clip uh a little clip from
his show where he's like yeah it's now he's 100 tons and then and then you would hear like my voice
come come in 500 tons and then the music and like a
montage of just awful things being
crushed like I think you should do it
in your Saruman voice too yes yeah like
like Saruman would be the intro voice
for this thing totally yeah a hard time
I think that's a five gallon pail
in like the lower left corner for scale this thing must I know what how much
force would it take to crush a cue ball tens of thousands of pounds but my lord, there is no such force. And he opens the door to Woody's shop.
And you see the thing crushing.
Like, that's it right there.
And you hear the horns blowing as marching to war sounds.
Or just ruin it entirely with the, hello.
Just ruin it entirely with the,
Hello! Hello!
I'm entirely too hyped for this crusher idea.
I hope we do it.
I hope you do it.
I hope we can find a feasible way to get it done.
I would love to be involved in this.
This is such a cool piece of equipment.
I don't know why.
I don't think it's just me.
I think everybody's interested in just seeing how shit like this is like even the bowling pin where you're not you're not
mystified you're not like wow it's we just would in there like but satisfy how it gets it like see
what gives and how because it doesn't work the way you imagine you always imagine that it would
just kind of like crush some and then just shoot it out of there but there's so much pressure
i don't know that's really really yeah i'm excited about that the prospect of doing this i i don't know
i i feel like i come up with a lot of cool things to crush i saw that was 10 feet 225 tons i'm like
so perfect right and it's in virginia but it the listing is gone huh well i think we should keep looking on Craigslist and stuff
and maybe we could find like a steal or some sort
of enormous crushing machine
that blows our minds.
Or someone out there. Does your dad work in the crushing
industry? Is he a crusher?
Senior crush manager or something?
Like, let us know.
I love senior crush manager.
This is going to be gone.
What else could we...
Well, I like this idea a lot.
We'll move forward with this and see if something can be made of it.
Because I think it'll be very fun.
I don't know how much of our audience is really interested in us becoming crushers.
I found one.
I'm like, ooh, a 100-ton Eagle hydraulic press.
It weighs 57,000 pounds.
10,000. press it weighs 57 000 pounds that weighs more almost than that other guy's bitch press right
or no he's got a hundred ton press no oh i see what you're saying yeah it weighs more than he
can crush yeah he's got not quite but that would be funny his like his press couldn't even lift ours no no his his press
is that has to be like a minute long segment every time is just making fun of his press
our recently this week on the crushing channel
and then show some lame rubber ducky
he crashed a duck guess what we're crushing a real duck and the duck's like looking terrified
and then we cut to our intro music
no no what we do is
our intro music is like
like really intense and
his is just
horseshit awful
like that bumbling music
when someone's like tripping around in a cartoon
like
just fucking with this awful duck I want to do this so badly me
too just to ruin this Finman's dream I feel like Colin would get involved in
this too I can just imagine Colin really enjoying a crushing machine you know
like I feel like I mean who would who would? Oh, try those shoes. Crush those boots.
You know, we had a problem with those boots.
They shipped without insoles.
Yeah, and because it's Colin,
and, like, he wouldn't tell us about something like that,
it took us, like, three or four wearings to notice that the bottom of them were rock hard,
and you could see, like, the stitches underneath them.
And I'm like, is this normal?
I look at their website, and, no, they're supposed to come with cushions underneath so it's lame yeah we returned them
new ones came in today those were not cheap boots yeah they made a mistake i haven't opened the new
package yet i could do it on air let's see if they have insoles this time yeah let's just fancy boots
let's see if we're gonna have to start a problem with those boot motherfuckers look out timberland
rape squad killers on their way. This press,
everyone keeps knocking this press
because they're not interested in it.
It needs to be bigger and badder than this.
This isn't an appropriate starter press?
Maybe we need to know the travel
on the hydraulic thing
because I don't see it.
It says,
I think it said like 30 inches, think I think so 33 inches of movement
on the carriage but I know I can only length of the the RAM how far the RAM
travels good point
hmm now there's a video here. 14 and a half inches.
How does that compare to his RAM?
I think it's in the same league as what he has.
Oh, this thing ships
like in...
like disassembled.
You want to watch this video together?
Oh, it's 9.
Yeah, it's
very poorly made.
You won't appreciate their audio quality i promise i have it muted uh but yeah it looks like you could assemble it in the shop
and i could probably unload these pieces uh it's 5500 shipped uh through amazon according to my little Chrome extension here. Amazon. Huh. I didn't even
think to look on Amazon. But we could do this and then like the upside of this thing is it's real.
Like it's new. It would actually ship. We could get it. $5,500. I mean I could just I could buy
that. It'd be here in a few days. As a matter of fact, I need to wait for the cement to dry.
It's so easy to happen.
It could happen too fast.
I'm sitting here.
I need to give the cement pours
Saturday.
It'll probably be ready
for the press a week later.
I think at the end of the month
I'm going away for two weeks.
We're going to have to figure out PKA during that time. I'm going to have to make sure I've got a good setup to take with me.
I can't really say where I'm going right now.
Can you type it?
You're not going to show everybody, are you?
Actually, I'm right now preparing all the bump messages.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I think we should wrap hydraulic press talk.
I think we should strongly consider this exact press.
I have a thing for grizzly equipment, too. So we should look consider this exact press. I have a thing for grizzly equipment too.
So we should look at them too.
They're usually cheap, Chinese made, but like, you know, strong iron.
And yeah, maybe make this press thing actually happen.
I feel like this has gone from the no flipping way this really happens to, hey, maybe.
Yeah, I think we should all come to your house and do a thing there like seriously you know it it's a it's a shame that
wings isn't is persona non grata um oh right i forgot for a second yeah um well uh that seems
like a very smooth segue into lootot Crate, I think.
This episode is being brought to you by Loot Crate.
Loot Crate is a monthly subscription box service for epic geek and gamer items,
as well as pop culture gear.
For less than $20 a month, you get four to eight items that include licensed gear,
apparel, collectibles, unique one-of-a-kind items, and more.
Make sure to head on over to lootcrate.com slash painkiller and enter code PAINKILLER,
that's all caps it seems,
to save $3 on any new subscription.
Loot Crate is more than just a subscription service. It's an entire community
of fans that share their experiences
and interact with one another
around the unboxing of each month's
crate. They guarantee
$40 plus in value in every crate
and sometimes it's a lot more. Every crate,
every month there is a different theme and all items are curated around that
theme. Previous crates have included items from franchises like Star Wars,
Marvel, and The Walking Dead, The Legend of Zelda, and many more. The theme this
month is Versus, celebrating many of the greatest rivalries in pop culture. Dark
Knight versus Man of Steel, Alien versus Predator, Spock versus Mirror Universe,
Spock, Daredevil versus Pun Punisher, Harley Quinn vs. Everyone,
and our exclusive items include
something you can display, something you can wear,
and something you can use. Oh, and don't forget
their T and loot pin. So
remember, you only have until the 19th
at 9pm Pacific to subscribe
and receive that
month's crate. And when the cutoff
happens, that's it. It's over.
So go on to lootcrate.com
slash painkiller and enter our offer code painkiller
to get $3 off your new subscription today.
Check them out.
Well done, Kyle.
You made me really want to check them out.
Because I think that you
got a sample of Loot Crate and you were telling me
it was really great, but I didn't get one.
I got a lot of stuff in Crate and you were telling me it was really great, but I didn't get one.
I got a lot of stuff in there.
That's not really my thing usually, but I like little knick-knacks that I
can put on my desk and around the house
and stuff like that.
I gave a bunch of that stuff away, but yeah, there's Man vs.
Steel stuff. It's cool stuff.
There's so many Loot Crate
services out there.
Loot Crate to me is almost
synonymous.
Like, it's a code word for monthly subscription-based type stuff.
My daughter is always asking for things.
Someone told me, I mentioned, she wanted a redhead makeup Loot Crate-like thing.
And someone else was like, yeah.
Like, as a fellow ginger, I can completely see why somebody would want that.
And people just like
If what's in loot crate is your kit cup of tea then you get a monthly Christmas
There should be a loot great for every group. I feel like there definitely should be and there really is even the shitty groups
Stop stop stop the white're ruining ad read.
You're going to fuck it up.
They're going to write us back and be like, no, no.
I already thought of that, but I wasn't going to say it
because I'm usually the one that upsets our sponsors.
I think I've seen a few of them running already.
But I wasn't going to say anything about the KKK box.
But now that you mention it, it might have that rope from my childhood in it.
Stop, stop, stop, stop. There's... the KKK box, but now that you mention it, it might have that rope from my childhood in it. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
There's...
I have a question for Chiz
that I just typed in. I'd like you to answer that
real quick, if you'd be so kind.
If you would be so kind!
Okay, perfect. Because I was gonna
make fun of that, and I want to make sure
that that's not the thing they're in.
Loot crates like this make sense to me.
If that's what the term is,
is a loot crate or a crate that you get every month makes sense
if it's stuff that you can use.
You like Batman, you get a bunch of fucking Batman stuff.
You like subscription box, she says.
The cookie, the fucking cookie of the week,
you know, muffin of the month club,
that sounds so fucking stupid and ridiculous.
Why would you want...
You can go to a bakery way closer to you,
no matter where you are, and get one.
Get a way better muffin than this one that was shipped to you
in some sealed container that was probably made six days ago.
I don't get that.
I bet Pal's about to disagree with you.
Yeah, man, Woody sent some cookies our way one time
and for a whole fucking year,
every month, there was a box of cookies
and those things were delicious.
It was a dozen cookies every time. They were always
different cookies. I loved that shit.
I want to buy it for myself now
so that there's just always cookies coming.
Maybe I'm being biased. I just don't
like sweets. If there was a loot crate
for cheesy cracker snacks, I'd be down for that.
It's not a loot crate, but my wife buys chocolate from this place in Jersey called Bromelos.
They're, like, you've never, you know what?
If you haven't had Bromelos, you are a candy virgin.
Like, I really don't.
Is it Bromelos?
I wouldn't know.
Bromelos.
Just like a mommy used to make.
It is...
I feel like buying it now.
It's kind of expensive.
It's not uncommon to spend $70 on the chocolate,
which is a lot for some frickin' chocolate.
But it's good.
Yeah, but you don't know shit about candy
if you haven't had this. Bromelos... Do they have salted caramels? you don't know shit about candy if you haven't had this.
Do they have salted caramels?
I don't know.
Those are great.
Yeah, but you think whatever you like is good.
You haven't had good yet.
You know, I know Chiz was doing, what, 10 bottles of 100% food shipped every three days to you?
Almost like a subscription box, right, Chiz?
It was an enormous amount.
I know he spent...
I think this cost like six grand, not $5,500.
Oh, he did it in bulk.
So you just ordered a fuck ton of useless powder.
And now you got it.
Just in case the bathroom needs re-grouting or anything like that you know
it's weird but they haven't upped their their advertising with us again yeah he got a lot more
mentioned than a lot of advertisers granted it's very negative we got the theme from their website
their website's reviews were all like you know know, not as horrific as you might guess.
Yeah, I remember asking Chiz beforehand, and Chiz was like, they said be honest, and so we were honest.
We were very, I'd say too honest, honestly.
After every drink, I made a face like it was whiskey.
You would probably prefer whiskey to that.
I don't know.
I'm really not a whiskey guy.
No, I would.
At least whiskey is regular liquid
you could just swallow like liquid.
It just doesn't linger like chunks of it.
I know.
I love Kyle's copy pasting skill.
Kyle's sending something in the chat.
I have stuff in front of me.
And it's really as bad as I say it is.
I don't understand what you're trying to send.
Oh, here it is.
Oh, he was sending.
That's great.
Is this something I can share with the world?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's still a work in progress.
The artists at the hot sauce company are working with several images aside from this one.
Wow.
Oh, and the knives, we should be able to do pre-sales next show.
We're setting up an Etsy store that will have like um it'll be like product will be shipped on
x date because we know when the knives will be coming because they're already ordered and
everything and uh so you'll be able to pre-order those if you want and they're going to ship um
i don't know the exact date but kitty does know that exact date and it'll be there on the store
uh so we'll have that next week nice well i think that picture looks great and it looks like he
looks like a real chef there.
I got several like that.
It was a silly time over at Wings' house.
Even a hot sauce of the month box, Chiz.
That's a lot of hot sauce.
You have to be a real connoisseur to be going through a bottle a month.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a lot of vinegar to just be essentially drinking.
Anyway, well done with the photography, Kyle.
I think that looks very good.
Let's see.
Let me get a full pic.
It's the same size.
I see that now.
You blow it up, it gets all pixelated.
The old thumbnail pic.
Yeah.
Kyle, you know, for a guy who's made as many videos as Kyle,
he's not really a computer person yet.
No, not really.
This is what I got here.
I don't know what you want.
I learned render settings from kyle
like we've talked about that conversation before but like we have yeah i was like dude dude dude
this is i'll just let you know how to make great videos i'll give up my secret here it is and and
it was him yeah he linked me my own video about render settings. Yeah, it's like yep that guy you're right What he's got it all figured out that guy must have watched endless hours of other videos and then
Experimented for days at a time making thousands of sample videos uploaded to private on that guy was my ace in the hole
I shared him with you. Yeah
I don't know what's going on with that picture
There's a there's a higher quality of that because I did it with Wings DSLR.
So I don't know why that's a shitty quality.
But you used Wings' camera?
No, I like that.
Yeah, well, I got there and I had brought a camera,
but I wasn't very familiar with it.
It was my girlfriend's DSLR.
And he was like, well, I got mine right here.
And I was like, well, I got mine and I had the whole case and everything.
And he's like, oh, shoot, shoot, shoot, come on.
And I was like, he makes a good point point I'll just use his so excuses I see
where you're coming from oh did that guy someone on the pka subreddit said Kyle
your move and I don't know what he sent you maybe a picture and like a bunch of
reader card adapter oh did the card get into my package? No. That reader card adapter, I have one of those,
and still that doesn't solve the issue.
It just doesn't.
No, it didn't make it into your package.
But you did get shipped the flamethrower, your saw, and your sleeping bag.
You got all those things back.
I know.
And I know how much you appreciate little items like that.
So I was worried even being the keeper of those items for a short period
of time i would walk past the where the saw was every day and i'd be like the saw's still there
nobody's fucking with that saw i had already put the saw in a closet because i was worried some
asshole was going to come in there and be like cutting like brick with it or something like tile
like i don't know what could happen You didn't scratch my soul or like,
you know,
did you,
did you rub my sleeping bag or anything?
Right.
Kitty's like putting like dirt bags open with it and like dulling the fuck out
of it.
I don't know what.
So,
so it was,
I was very happy to get all those items back to you.
Um,
they'll be there tomorrow.
If you look carefully,
you can see the paintball scar on my head.
I have a circular,
it's like my own Harry Potter mark.
Can you see it?
Well, that's generous.
I've still got a bump from that on my head.
I can feel it beneath the skin.
It's like a knot.
Yeah, a knot.
Yeah.
I can actually see that through the webcam.
Not yours, Kyle,
because I think yours is on the top of your head by your hair,
but I can see Woody's when he gets close.
I didn't know what it was. I was like,
honey, do you see a thing here? You got a rough eye.
She's like, yeah, that's from your paintball getting shot
in the face. Great.
Permanently scarred in the face.
He got shot in the face and it blew the skin off his head.
It's a scar from a paintball gun.
I had a mask on, of course, but
the mask went here and I might have...
I don't know if I had a hat on. I think I did.
Woody darts through a room,
uh,
past the doorway.
And there's a guy waiting there already shooting and,
or,
or shooting at the right.
The exact.
Yeah.
And my helmet cam catches it pretty well as Woody's kind of like head down
running and the paintball just like point blank.
I mean,
the barrel to his head is like this and,
and he visibly recoils and like lowers his head as he continues in.
And, yeah, it was bad.
It bled quite a bit, and it was so, so swollen.
I really wanted, when we got to Denny's, to make it out like it was a lover's quarrel between the two of us,
and that's why he had this big knot on his head.
I wanted the waitress to be like, oh, Lord, what happened?
The same thing is going to happen to the other side if he keeps running that dick around town.
Well, someone said we were going to make it to dinner by 7,
and it looks to me like it's 7.15.
Hmm.
I can make that mistake again.
Woody, how are we?
And you're all snidey and mean, but also a little gay sounding.
Yeah.
Oh, we did go to Outback.
That was a good trip.
I remember that we all got some booze,
and I remember it was really tasty because we'd had a hard weekend of playing paintball.
What kind of booze did you get?
Probably got a margarita or something.
I don't really remember. Yeah, I got a margarita.
Just with your online character,
I never... You drink the
fruitiest drinks, which is fine.
I just don't get it.
I don't understand how you can drink that
and not have a horrible stomach ache.
I just drink one or two.
And I'm eating the bread with it too.
I mean there's a couple shots of tequila in there.
It's tasty.
I like tequila.
And I wasn't really trying to get that drunk.
If I'm going to drink, I'll drink tequila probably or Jaeger or something like that.
I can't do vodka anymore and most like whiskey and bourbon and stuff like that.
Like nothing I can really do vodka anymore and most like whiskey and bourbon and stuff like that. Like nothing I can really deal with anymore.
Like anything from Crown Royal to Jameson to Jack Daniels, all that stuff just makes me cringe so bad now I can't deal with it.
You've just had it ruined for you by getting too ill on it?
Yeah.
I used to really like Maker's Mark.
And my friend Paul got me into Manhattan, Maker's Mark Manhattan.
And after you sip one of those things down, you know, you got to get it down.
But once you get one of them down, that second one is fucking tasty.
And the third one is delicious.
Because it is a lot of alcohol.
It's so much alcohol.
Like, I mean, it's a glass.
Like, you know, it's a big glass that Manhattan comes in.
And you're just kind of sipping away.
The sips get bigger and bigger and bigger
until you're like it's a Coke or something
and just ripped on that thing.
It's tasty.
I like that.
If I'm going to drink vodka, it's Tito's Vodka.
I don't know.
I like some olives in there.
Some blue cheese stuffed olives maybe
so I get something to snack on.
That's a common food that I loat olives in there. Some blue cheese stuffed olives, maybe, so I get something to snack on. Oh, man, I hate...
That's a common food that I loathe, is olives.
So gross.
I like blue cheese stuffed olives.
I don't like regular olives.
I didn't know they put blue cheese in drinks in olives.
That seems like too much shit going on.
I sent a message to an eBay seller for a shipping quote on a 100-ton hydraulic press.
We'll see how this goes.
So according to Chiz, AMC is about to start letting people text while they're in the theater.
And...
Stupid.
That's so fucking stupid.
Can I bring flashlights too?
Can I just scream and clap?
I'm really particular about this.
Because when I go to imax i almost
always go to the imax because i like it i watch superman versus batman and imax 3d
and um and i always pick my i i get my tickets on fandango like a few days in advance so i can
pick the exact seats i want because i usually like to get the seats that the whoever edited
whoever makes the sound wherever that guy sits that's where i want to sit so i always look that
information up and see what's going on with that. So I feel like I'm getting my best audio
experience as well. Unfortunately, that's kind of right in the center of the theater.
And that's where a lot of people like to congregate. So despite the fact that there was only like
12 people in this like afternoon showing, they were all around me and these cocksuckers
behind me just wouldn't shut the fuck up. And it wasn't that they were being loud. They
were just being loud enough that I could hear them and it even that alone was
just driving me insane and i wanted to fucking explode and scream at them and call them like
cunts but but but you know you can't do that in public as you do can't have a fucking public
meltdown but i wanted to so bad i wanted to throw my drink on them i wanted to fucking explode but
you can't i almost lost it at paris i'm sorry continue i just jumped right so the idea of like people
like texting and like they're not even being like a crowd mentality of hey fucking cut it out dude
of someone else is going to be like it's actually uh you know you do it according to the rules you
can text and yeah i i won't go to amc then um i i don't anyway text. I won't go to AMC then. I don't anyway.
But I won't go somewhere where that's fucking allowed.
I would like it if there was a strict no talking policy.
I wish they had like two or three movie Nazis in there with those red flashlights
who would fucking zone in on anybody.
When I used to go to the Walking Dead night,
there's a bar...
I think it's called Six Feet Under.
Yeah.
It would appear someone is discussing the intricacies of the shot during the film.
We would appreciate perhaps you keep it to yourself.
I'll tell you what.
I used to go.
I think the bar was called Six Feet Under maybe.
I might be getting that wrong in Atlanta.
But they do weekly Walking Dead watching parties.
And with the Walking Dead on A&E, first know, first, the previous week's episode plays.
And that's a casual thing.
Everybody's eating, drinking, ordering drinks.
It's a bar with, you know, with food and everything.
It's a bar restaurant.
But there is a bar around the middle
that's like a legit bar.
And so, and there's TVs everywhere,
kind of like a sports bar set up.
But when the real one comes on,
they let you know beforehand.
He's like, all right, the show's about to start.
And he's on a microphone. This is the main the main guy show's about to start got a couple rules
first of all there's no talking that means whispering murmuring anything verbal you want
it you want your waitress you signal her over and point do your best with gestures there will be no
talking it will not be tolerated this is your warning and that's it and then the fucking show starts and inevitably there's
somebody who steps out of line and he doesn't he doesn't even wait around there's no there's none
of that the show will be going and he'll be quick and succinct with it but loud as fuck
fuck in the middle of the show hey you you shut up you're out of here now and and everybody was
what the fuck and and nobody has ever stood
up to that like they always shut the fuck and i've seen two people get escorted out they're like you
you're done you're done it's like your food and fucking drinks like you're done just you're out
of here that's it it doesn't sound fun it's awesome i might like that yeah i like it we all
liked it like we were all fans of the show but but we wanted the environment of the bar, the group feeling of it.
Because a lot of times people who did the makeup and sound and little jobs would be there.
And they would say that beforehand in his speech.
He'd be like, hey, there are people here tonight that worked on this.
This is very important to them.
That's pretty cool.
This is a big deal to us.
So we met.
I can see it both ways, actually. I think it would be fun if everyone was completely silent and into it as much as we do.
I know it's the word policy, which is funny.
It would also be fun if it was like the – remember we saw the Conor McGregor fight against Chad Mendes at a movie theater?
It was like being at like a sports arena.
It was like going to the game.
There were other people there cheering.
There were people clapping.
We were excited when Connor won.
Someone else was pissed when Connor won.
I felt like it was a group experience.
Different event.
A sporting event lends itself to a cheering crowd, to that sort of thing.
You're rooting for the home team, et cetera.
But I feel like a TV show, especially one like The Walking Dead,
where they're always whispering and murmuring, and we're
trying not to alert the zombies.
I need to hear what they're fucking
saying. And if some jackass over here wants
another beer and he ruins that, then I'm
not coming back to this bar to watch it.
I'm here because I want the deep
fried fudge cake that they make.
They would only make one a night, and they were
serious about it. I tried to order night, and they were serious about it.
Like, I tried to order two, and they wouldn't do it.
Someone else got it, so as soon as I got there, I'd immediately order it,
so I would be the only one to get one.
And then everybody within sight would smell and see what I got.
It's literally a cake, a chocolate fudge cake, deep-fried,
and it's covered in powdered sugar.
Everybody would want it, but they wouldn't make another one. No matter what. You couldn't pay them off.
I offered $50 for one one night.
She said no.
I hate shit like that at restaurants where they make something popular
and they have this drummed up
manufactured scarcity of it.
Oh, no, no, no.
We've got 16 chicken wings in the back
for every evening. We don't do 15.
We don't do 17. We don't do 17.
We do 16 wings.
That's two orders of it.
You go fuck yourself.
We're not making any more.
How about you do what the customer wants?
How about you make another chocolate cake and stop berating people for ordering a drink at your bar while there's a show on that should have ended four seasons ago?
I asked him.
I was like, why?
Why won't you make two of them?
Why won't you make ten of them if the people will pay?
And they were like, ah, it's really messy to make and the batter, and they only don't...
Well, we really have no business understanding,
which is why we're running this in the first place, clearly
kind of making some of our
customers feel a bit isolated, not
wanted. And when this series is over,
we fully expect to remain a successful bar, based
on these pretenses and things that we've said.
Ah, they were, you know, they were successful every other night of the week, I guess.
It was a nice place, but I thought
that was a cool little feature that they did.
And I like that fucking cake.
I wish I had one now.
It might be neat if it would work.
I just don't feel like there's any way in a bar when people have been drinking all night
that even a guy screaming is going to get people to shut up.
Oh, he doesn't?
People are going to be murmuring the whole time.
Uh-uh.
No, I'm telling you.
The people who are...
First of all, getting a table is an issue.
We get there two hours early when we would go like it was a whole thing yeah like to get a
good table like with a good tv in front of you and everything it was like going to a sporting event so
we just get there early and eat appetizers and drink and drink and be pretty lit by the time
the show started um and you know we'd get a table for all our friends and they actually that does
make sense because you were a little lit by the time the show
started.
So you weren't like the sober guy sitting there like,
God damn it.
Like I can't pay attention.
All these fuckers are talking.
I can hear you.
I wish that guy would just yell at them.
God,
that guy's a cut.
Like,
but you're a little bit lit.
And so it's like,
you're not even pay attention to,
you know,
Susie Q being a little too loud.
I'm telling you,
nobody does.
Nobody would get too loud.
Like it,
it would have it.
I watched the entire season
there and it happened like three times ever and most of the time like a quick like hey that's not
tolerated would like shut it down immediately like there were no fuck-ups like uh it's a nice place
that'd be great if a place did that for game of thrones i would be down for that yeah that'd be
that'd be cool to be watched in a group environment.
I'm really looking forward to the new season, man.
Like I've been saying all along,
I haven't watched any of the teasers.
I don't know anything that's coming.
Ten days.
Ten days.
Chiz saying that Alamo Draft House does Game of Thrones.
You know, I think it would be cool
if I was with a group of people I knew,
but in that case, I want to go to Woody's house
and watch on his giganto 100-inch screen or whatever, right? I don't really
want to go hang out with some strangers and watch
it. What if their opinions differ from mine?
Clearly my opinion is correct.
Now I have to listen to their
hydraulic press bat shooting
with Game of Thrones, right?
We could just make sure that we're all here on a Sunday night
and we'll take it over. Dude,
my 100 inch screen and projection
is pretty cool. really like it it's
i think you would too my audio fuck dude like when you feel it thump your ass you're gonna be like oh
like what he was right about this my audio is there's no room for improvement it's is it just
like oh man we gotta come over
and you're gonna have to bear with us
while we watch the extended edition of all three
Lord of the Rings.
Dude!
Those are great. A whole day event and the sound is
on point when you can hear those little goblins
scurrying around
in the halls of Moria as they're looking around
they know they're coming.
Oh!
I would like it. Fuck you, Chiz! In the halls of Moria as they're looking around, they know they're coming. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I would like it.
I own the trilogy. The Hobbit trilogy.
Fuck you, Chiz.
Oh, no.
Not the Hobbit trilogy.
No, you're not coming, Chiz.
You can watch that on a portable DVD player in the bathroom.
This should be great.
And Kyle, we have another fence to put in.
I will do no manual labor.
You know what, Kyle?
I've actually got a 52, 56-inch TV.
You just come over.
I don't even have a fence yet.
It's putting in.
Hi.
I've got a 72-inch.
You can come over here and no fencing here either.
Okay, we'll hire someone to do the fence.
Now, we need a fence for the pool.
I'm going to get there and you're going to conscript me to go get you snacks
because the dog's
gonna be trying to eat you every time you go upstairs the thing i'm scared of that dog doesn't
have that dog anymore he's got his face got no not woody your dog dax oh my god oh that cocksucker
yeah oh fuck i've been feeding him a little chicken every day when i come home like i stop
by zaxby's and and get get a small chicken tenders and I
give them a few pieces of chicken every day.
I'm trying to
win him back, I guess, or at least get him to stop
barking at me. What if accidentally
one day you order the chicken tenders,
goddammit, they put chicken wings in there,
the poor thing eats it whole,
chokes on a couple of bones, goddammit, nobody could have seen it coming.
I wasn't going to say
anything, but
at Wings House,
we filmed a couple
things, and I had
an entire plate
of hot wings there that were going to be
the before and after for a thing.
Anyway,
we poured the Frank's Red
Hot all over them, so now we had an entire
big plate of raw hot wings. big ones, you know, big ones, not like tiny ones, covered in Frank's Red Hot.
And he was like, oh, Chevy will love these.
And I was like, at least wash the hot sauce off of him.
And he's like, ah, she loves it.
And I was like, but it's chicken.
But he'd already given this huge plate of like raw chicken wings covered
in frank's red hot to that to that labrador and that dog was just munching him up as i was leaving
i was like all right kill that fucking dog we should have pinged wings as an emergency guest
ah we should have he messaged me earlier um i don't he messaged me too did you message him back
um no i didn't know what this was about. He said, are you free in 45 minutes?
And then he tried to...
He already wrote me!
He tried to send me this guy.
Well, he tried to send me a contact as well.
Did he do that to you?
He tried to share this gentleman's contact information with me.
But it was like 20 minutes before the show when he sent me that,
so I didn't even reply because it's like 20 minutes before the show when he sent me that, so I didn't even reply because it's like 20 minutes before the show.
Well, yeah, if he can hop in for a bit, we could ping him.
Maybe Chiz could be on that.
Maybe Chiz could check.
Ping Chiz.
If you're not too busy watching them rehash issues.
Ping Wings and see if he's available right now.
Yeah, see if he'll hop in for the last bit of the show.
Quick hockey update.
Looks like the Islanders caught up, took the lead, and beat the Panthers in game one.
Stars won against the Wild 2-0.
Sharks and Kings are tied.
Chiz, I know you're tied to the screen there.
And the Capitals beat the Flyers 2-0.
Chiz, can we get an update on which of the cucks out did each other in the Democratic National Debate?
Was it the annoying soulless woman or the spineless withered old man?
Was it the weak-looking octogenarian who brought home the gold tonight?
Did he?
The guy who could die tonight
and people would be sad, but no one would be
surprised.
I just can't believe
that you're watching another one of these debates, man.
I can't believe these.
It's the same thing.
I haven't watched any
this entire time because I know they're all the same.
It's the same shit every time.
Well, shouldn't you watch one then I?
Watched some the last cycle I
Know Chiz I know I don't follow any it really bothers you though that I have strong opinions on things that I don't research
Come on I have strong opinions and all the on all the candidates who watch the debates now have you read the pilot no
No, he's sending taylor
all this literature read this read that taylor's like nah yeah he sent us one thing earlier tonight
and he was like read this list of things and it was a list on sanders for president on reddit
which is the most biased and i told him that's like me sending him you know a link from dr
mengela's website from the nazi about how jews are actually the worst
like of course it's biased like it's it's it's totally leaning that direction like i would not
send you a link from the donald and be like look at that looks like i'm in the right corner like
no and i even pointed out on there i'm like hey this list of his achievements first of all there's
not even one per year barely one every couple. And there's a gap between 1992 and 2007 on this list.
So even his most adamant people that love him
realize that he had a 15-year drought of efficacy, apparently.
Which probably isn't even true, Chiz.
It's not true.
Are we talking about the stuff he passed?
But he hates it.
Okay, now I see the goal.
He hates it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry, Chiz.
I'm sorry.
Anyway.
Yeah, go back to hockey talk.
No, I want to keep poking at Chiz.
I know.
Chiz is truly into Sanders.
I hate my own position.
$3,200-something dollars now.
All of us have shitty, shitty positions.
I'll explain.
Me, I dislike all the candidates.
You have to pick one.
You have to find a guy you dislike the least, at least, and I haven't done that yet.
Taylor, strong opinions change every week, completely unresearched.
Right?
So that's not good.
They vary wildly.
Kyle, hardcore Trump supporter who pretends he only supports him for the lulz.
Right?
That's intolerable.
And Chiz, hardcore Sanders supporter, completely drinking the Kool-Aid.
Yeah, he thinks.
See, if Chiz were super into Cruz
or Trump, it'd be harder to do with Trump
because embracing Trump in and of itself
is almost accepting of the jokes coming your way
because it's already... You know what I mean?
People who are supporting Trump expect that.
If you were a huge fan
of Hillary, I would be targeting
her really hard because
he's so passionate about it. It's just like
when you make fun of the St. Louis Blues losing in hockey in the playoffs.
I want to be like, ha, you, ah, fuck you.
But really, I'm like, well, the fact is, Woody, is that our shot stats from the past few years
are actually way better than you're thinking.
You're not giving us the credit.
And you don't care.
You just want to get under my skin.
And you did.
But I still have that urge to defend the team, just like Chiz.
He has to defend Team sanders he can't resist
it's great i'm not i saw all those posts on the reddit that were like um on the pka reddit they
were like saying what you said about kyle that he's a secret trump supporter i was sold on that
for a bit i'm not he went to a trump rally i know that he really i know that he likes
trump way more than he pretends to because you always back off and do the you know oh but that
would just be so crazy like because you have to with trump a bit but i think he's so entertaining
i think i'm entertained by trump he's not that entertaining he is to me okay i find him what's
his best Trump joke?
Where's his zinger in the debates?
It's a different kind of comedy than that.
It's not about necessarily what he's... The funny thing is his supporters are playing off him, though.
I think it's his style.
It's everything about him.
I think he's funny when he's up there.
I think the way he took all those politicians apart, like from Jeb Bush to Marco about him. I think he's funny when he's up there. I think the way he took all those politicians apart,
like from Jeb Bush to Marco Rubio, I think that's funny.
I like seeing these guys being treated without respect,
being treated indignantly, and they're like,
nobody's ever called him a dickhead before.
Nobody's ever called him a goober or made fun of their dick size.
It's fun seeing their fish-out-of-water experience
because they've always been attacked by politicians
in a way that Hillary Clinton attacks people, which is very measured, very precise.
You don't want to overextend yourself, but you don't want to be too weak either.
I hate politicians, and I don't believe in our political system anymore.
I feel like it's so inherently flawed that it's just a broken system.
I don't believe in it anymore. It's crap. crap i i feel like there are two or three there are two or three bigger things than than i can
ever be that are already uh guiding our politicians the way they want there's there's corporations
there's banks there there's multi uh national interests that are putting so much pressure on
our politicians that what my voice is so drowned out it's not even a point it's not even democracy
anymore i want to say this it's an oligarchy i i kind of agree with everything you're saying if trump doesn't represent the republicans you know having gotten the most votes
i strongly agree with what you're saying it it's if it goes to a brokered convention and the guy
with the most votes doesn't win fuck the republicans i already feel that way i i'm not even
talking about the republican party or the democrat party i'm just talking about the u.s government and and the way it's run. And most world governments, I don't know any good ones. Fuck, none of them seem to work. There seems like so much red tape that it's entirely ineffective from the smallest levels of state government up into the biggest nation swathing policies from the federal government. I don't like any of it.
policies from the federal government.
I don't like any of it.
I'm more and more libertarian every day and I don't like any of our
politicians. I don't feel like they really are representing
us. They're just not.
I think they're a bunch of squares.
You know what's better than politic talk?
Squarespace.
Squarespace is a service that
lets you build a website. It's really great and
I think that Kyle can tell you even more about it because I don't have the copy.
Well their sites look professionally designed regardless of your skill level.
There's no coding required.
They have intuitive and easy to use tools.
Squarespace has state-of-the-art technology powering your website
to ensure security and stability. They're trusted by millions of people and some
of the most respected brands in the world.
And it all starts out at $8 per month.
You get a free domain if you sign up for a year.
That's a pretty good deal.
So start your free trial today
with no credit card required at squarespace.com.
When you decide to sign up for Squarespace,
make sure to use the offer code PKA
to get 10% off your first purchase.
Squarespace, build it beautiful.
I feel like we'll use Squarespace, I'm sure,
to make our Crusher website.
I didn't notice that you could
get your free month without a credit card required.
Like, that's a big thing.
You know how they're like, hey, sign up for your free month.
And then you forget about it
and they start charging you. That's their
whole business model. They're like,
hey, have your free month. I assume they
just end your website if
after a month you're not doing it.
That's pretty cool. Not Squarespace.
They're not trying to fool you into doing it.
They know the product will speak for itself.
Or the service, rather.
And joining us
mid-show is
Mr. Wings of Redemption himself. What's going on, man?
How are you doing, Wings?
Doing wonderful.
Dude, thanks for coming. you doing, Wings? Doing wonderful. Doing wonderful.
Dude, thanks for coming.
Is that a Blues jersey?
It is a Blues jersey. Yes, it is.
I was talking about behind you. Is it signed or something?
No. No, that one's not signed.
It's just one that I have in a glass box.
My girlfriend bought it for me.
Last time I knew about the St. Louis Blues, Brett Hull still played for them.
That was a long fucking time ago. Well, to be fair, you're not really in a hockey part of the St. Louis Blues. Brett Hull still played for them. That was a long fucking time ago.
Well, to be fair, you're not really in a hockey part of the country.
Like, not much down there.
Yeah, anything past the Canadian border is generally not hockey country.
Yeah.
You can go to, like, a Hurricanes game, see the other dozen people,
have a good time.
Hey, Hurricanes are actually the only Carolina team with some championships.
Are they really? Oh, the Panthers team with some championships. Are they really?
Oh, the Panthers don't have one.
Panthers have one.
Braves ain't got one since 95.
Wait, the Panthers do have one or they don't?
They don't.
I thought,
I don't know.
They're a fairly new team.
We went twice.
We went twice.
Yeah.
I thought the Panthers had a Super Bowl.
Are we talking about the Carolina Panthers?
Yeah. The Carolina Panthers, yes. I thought they had a Super Bowl. Are we talking about the Carolina Panthers? Yeah.
The Carolina Panthers, yes.
I thought they had a Super Bowl.
We can Google that.
We should have had one this year.
We were the best team this year.
I really wanted to see Carolina win this past Super Bowl.
I was bummed out.
I wanted to see them win, too. That big foreheaded fuck has way too much success already.
So, Wings.
I'm in the camp that Peyton Manning was, you know,
Peyton Manning paid off Cam Newton to throw the game.
That was easily Cam Newton's worst game of the season,
and it just happened to be in the Super Bowl.
You think that Papa John money was enough to push him over the edge?
Give up the ring?
You know, in Peyton Manning, he's a super Republican.
You know he's about that dirty shit.
Maybe so.
He's a jed.
As opposed to those Democrats, where the dirty shit is built right into their
super delegated system now right all the shit too I want to I want to talk about
the drama you got going on up to your place we all watched your video today
I'm so excited sitting around watching your latest video all watch yeah man so
so let me get this straight.
Your grandma got this boyfriend off
Plenty of Fish, imported
him over to Myrtle Beach,
and it seemed like, in
her little video that you
nefariously recorded with your cell phone camera,
it seemed like she was...
Yeah, it seemed like she was trying to play it off
like, ah, he just wanted to come to
Myrtle Beach, and I knew him. That's all it was, but in reality, it seemed like she was trying to play it off like, oh, he just wanted to come to Myrtle Beach, and I knew him.
That's all it was.
But in reality, it seemed like maybe she had some feelings for this guy,
and now they've kind of...
Let me clear the slate up, because I looked at the subreddit,
and they had the story all twisted.
Which subreddit?
Was it the Pika show or the Pika?
The Pika subreddit.
I didn't see that thread.
Okay.
All right.
My grandma recently got into plenty of fish she's a woman that leads
a very isolated life and she just does stuff to make herself entertained well she finds jim which
is the which is the guy's name and jim doesn't have transportation she don't know anything about
him but in three weeks she's in love so she decides to move him down here and and so she asked me
to rent a u-haul and go get him and he would pay me the money to uh you know after all the all the
stuff which he did this is great a u-haul and i paid the gas money all right thing and i helped
move him down let me jump in how far did you drive with this u-haul like and was it it like a U-Haul you towed behind your truck?
Yes, it was an enclosed 12-footer.
All right, so you went and got one of those 12-foot U-Hauls,
hooked it up to your truck, and then you drove to where?
Fayetteville, North Carolina.
How far of a drive was that?
So you drove two hours.
You never met this guy before.
110 miles, something like that.
So you never met this guy before.
You load his shit up, put him in your truck,
and bring him back to your grandma's place. Well and a guy named doug did it yeah has jim
ever been to prison uh don't know about that question but um doug is a guy that i had help
to help me move the stuff because jim is like 70 so he can help me move dressers and stuff so i
took somebody with me let me ask you this Did your grandma come on this trip with you?
Yes.
Okay.
That was nice.
She drove her own car.
Okay.
All right.
You didn't have to spend two hours just you and this guy in a truck.
He rode with her, I'm sure, right?
That's correct.
So she fell in love with him online.
Mm-hmm.
Did they Skype, or were they just sexting like how does this go down
phone facetime facetime okay okay so like so he gets down here in less than a week she's ready
to throw him out he buys this big thumpity stereo system well he got it from aaron's he like bought
you know when he's like buy here pay here
places you got this big stereo systems and they're like this thing has like three eight inch sub
18 inch subwoofers built into it it's like and he put it in a single wide trailer it's like
it didn't make sense
what kind of music what kind of music does he play through this Thumpity's boombox?
Country Western.
Country Western.
Like some Marty Robbins?
Like Earl Haggard and some Waylon Jennings.
Okay.
This is hilarious.
I'd have an aneurysm.
Regardless, the reason I'm telling you about the Thumpity stereo system, there was a point about that,
is because when shit started rolling downhill, that was the first complaint that gets thrown up that she doesn't like the stereo in her house okay so she was
trying to throw the stereo out the door you know this is a stereo that this man hasn't paid for
fully yet he's on a payment plan with it so we had to stop living in the same house they were
living in the same house at that point okay Okay. So we had to call the law.
You know, maybe.
I called the law.
Because Grandma was in one of her moods.
My grandma, she gets, her blood pressure goes straight through the roof,
and she gets ready to fight.
My grandma is.
So the call just hit four hours.
Click your video thing, and it'll come back.
It's a little slow, but it'll do it.
Okay.
Let's make sure that it was recording.
We're good.
We called the law and the law
comes down and goes, no, you can't throw him out.
You've got to go to the magistrate. You've got to evict him.
His mail comes here. He is now
a tenant. Basically, what we were
trying to tell her, we had to have the law tell her.
That
smoothed things out for about four days.
Then she wants to throw his clothes out the door so after she after that happens um he ends up because she's talking purity dog shit to
him when he's there because they have like these two recliners and they would sit there and and
she was a bitch at him all day. So he goes and rents a...
Do I need to do something?
Taylor did, but it's better.
Kyle, can you go on and off again, too?
It's not working for you.
I don't know.
I should be fine, hopefully.
You are fine, Taylor.
Yeah, cool.
So...
Where was that?
They would talk...
She would talk shit to him.
Yeah, she would sit there and talk shit, him yeah she would sit and talk shit like purity shit it was so much she was talking down to the man so much i had to be
like dude that's not cool you can't sit there and talk bad about this man imagine if somebody stood
over you all day and talk bad about you here's the kicker she was charging a man 900 bucks a month
to like stay in a single wide trailer no she was not yeah yeah so this
was just a tenant that she found online so how how many how how much money how many total months
of rent did she extract from him like one month two two she got 1800 bucks cash off this guy
yeah and the stereo well the stereo he turned back in but we'll get to that later um she actually
probably got more than that because like i heard'll get to that later um she actually probably got more
than that because like i heard from him today that what would happen is he got he has a pension check
from like some place he was like an employee of and his pension check is like 2400 bucks a month
he would give her the entire check both of the months he was there and and here's the kicker he would rely on her to buy him stuff
like say he needed cigarettes or he wanted to go out to eat or something he'd be like
she would have to pay for it because he pretty much gave her his whole check
well she started accusing him of never buying anything
and now you got to sit there and talk to my grandma like well he gave you all his money
he's technique you're you're not technically buying the stuff for him you're using his money
to buy this stuff for him because like you can't realistically charge that amount of money for the
for the uh for the house that you're giving him so after a couple months she kicks you out and all right she kicks
him out she kicks she kicks him out and so so how does he end up at your place that's what i want to
know because because like i'm gonna be honest he eventually gets tired of it if i'd only known this
dude in rents a place i can't see letting him come live with me how is it that you're letting
this guy live he um he eventually gets tired of me he goes and rents a place and um he bounces a check um the check he has like four checks come back on him he has like
the deposit check which is like a thousand bucks the light check the water check and like um a
check he wrote at some gas station so all four of those bounce and then my mother starts feeling
bad for him because like he didn't really know what to do here because he's like a 70-year-old man.
You know, he's had a stroke.
He doesn't have a car.
He doesn't even have a license because of said stroke.
So – and he's about to be evicted from the place that he went to rent because he broke bad checks to get out of there to get away from grandma.
So mama goes, come live with us well she she moves him into
here since we have five bedrooms and till we can find him a place and get him somewhere so he can
be stable again because he's pretty much been transplanted from where he was at to down here
and he knows nobody down here so so that works so we get him in here and then grandma goes ballistic
about that and then she starts out with this building stuff.
Like there's a building on the property, and she wants to throw his stuff out of the building
because we took all the stuff that he had left, and we put it out there in the building to keep it in storage
because there's no room for it in the house.
And real quick, this is over the course of one week.
This is over the course of about a week, week and a half.
of one week this is over the course of about a week week and a half my god that that's a quick you know descent into a terrible situation so what's this guy's name again uh jim williams
what kind of engine you said he was an engineer what's what do you do ac what he did okay what
he did was like like when big buildings would go online like these box store buildings, he would design the systems that would go into the building like the duct work and where the air conditioners would be placed and things of that nature.
Okay. So like kind of like a civil engineer I guess.
Yeah, I don't know what his job title is. I never really ask him because every time I ask him about anything, he wants to cry about how he loved grandma and he don't know what he did or wrong i mean that's all i can get out of him but grandma
doesn't want the stuff his stuff in her building so she calls the law on us and the law comes back
out well not me personally but my mother uh-huh um so they go through that and then mother busts
out the landies and shows the law this and he basically tells her that she can't keep calling him out here.
He's going to – there's something that they can arrest you for if you keep abusing the police.
I don't know what it is off the top of my head.
Wasting their false report.
Yeah, false report.
I kind of want to meet this guy now.
Is there any chance we get him on video sometime?
It's midnight, dude.
Oh, yeah.
I'm not talking about now.
I know it's too late now.
He's okay. He's asleep.
We group her up for all your videos.
I'd love to get him on video and get his perspective of the thing
because I think your grandma did him wrong.
That's what it sounds like.
But also, he needs a nickname, though.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hopefully, he moves out.
This is going to be his nickname
Jim who used to live here
this sucks for you
because you had nothing to do with the
forming of any of this and now it sounds like
you're the guy who's kind of trying
to take the high road
I ended up getting a 70 year old man dumped on me
I'm like dude I can't take care of myself
this is like always sunny
you got an old man it's me i'm like dude i can't take this is like always sunny yeah it is
and you got an old man it's like i just all of a sudden inherited one he just he just fell into an
old man situation as you do you know i don't know how many times i've been you know just going about
life and it just worked out so i had an old man living at my house there's an old guy to try
just a friendly transient along for the ride.
All right.
So that's great.
It escalated to the point where my mother just got tired of it.
That was a straw that broke the camel's back.
Grandma does this about three times a year.
She'll just become belligerent and want to fight with people.
And she does it because she's bored.
And she only has a sixth grade education.
And she doesn't know how to convey her feelings properly.
She can't go, I'm unhappy with the situation I'm in.
Is there anything you can do to help?
She will look for something spiteful to do and push that button.
That's how she does it.
Is this one of the worst times she's done it, or is this just another part of the course?
I think it's just the one that broke the back.
So Mama packed up and left.
Is your mom still pretty close even when she does pack up and leave like still oh she's in driving distance she didn't like move
to another state or something but like she packed up and moved in with her boyfriend so it's just
me and jim now so it's like whatever i was picturing i paid the share of the bills regardless
so it's not like a huge money hit i was picturing you helping out some dude who was like 43, 44, and that seemed so fucking ridiculous to me.
But then to imagine this old man.
It's like, you really can't just be like, oh, are you in a tough spot, you senior citizen?
Fuck off.
You have to be there to help.
I don't know you know so you're i don't know how to phrase this and i don't know how to
say it nicely so please just understand that this is a little uh not not very delicate
i have a special skill that dr chiz admires and that i can spot fetal alcohol syndrome a mile away. He is.
Your grandmother is.
Do you know that?
Oh, no.
Oh.
What is fetal alcohol syndrome?
Can you explain that?
It's when her mom drank while she was pregnant.
And there's a bunch of symptoms.
The one that jumps out at me the most is the smooth philtrum, small head, small eye openings,
low nasal bridge, small nose.
Yeah, low nasal bridge is a big one
you can tell all that by somebody drinking while the baby's being formed yeah if you look up fetal
alcohol syndrome it'll show super specific points i didn't notice that uh what do you say look i can
only explain my my family tree as redneck that's the word i would describe them yeah i look at your
like it's a thing that jumps out at me i I'll just watch. Like I look at people, whatever, and like I'll see some –
I saw a girl on Reddit like dancing too slutty on a boat.
You know how you see like a million times all these like –
for some reason there's boat parties where all of a sudden like everyone has a boat
and this girl is dancing to music.
And I'm like, yep, fine, fine, fine, fetal alcohol syndrome, fine, fine, fine, fetal alcohol syndrome.
So there's something you'd look for.
Oh, yeah.
I can spot it a mile away.
He's always looking for genetic impurities.
He's like the next generation Hitler.
Yeah, no.
Some of these are just –
He might have a position in Trump's cabinet.
So, yeah.
I don't want to get down that murky road.
I'm glad we got this update about Jim and everything.
I now as well feel sorry for Jim.
It feels like gangster grandma swooped in and emptied I now as well feel sorry for Jim. It feels like Gangster Grandma swooped in
and emptied his pockets
as it were. She pumps them and dumps
them, that Gangster Grandma.
But I wanted to tell you about
this. Taylor got me into this
game called Age of Mythology. It's an
RTS.
I've been really enjoying it.
I've put a lot of hours into it.
That's really taught me. I'm sure you know,
one RTS is in some ways much like all the others.
The same basis.
Yes, exactly.
In the same way, first-person shooters are all inherently similar.
You're building an economy, you're building a military,
a lot of macro.
Macro and micro in an economy.
The base management is essentially the same,
but then you have, like, units
and how units are balanced are different.
Of course, of course.
So I started...
I downloaded StarCraft II.
Started playing as Zerg.
I've been, like, learning as I go
and watching some YouTube videos.
I want to play some StarCraft with you,
and I think you should play some Age of Mythology with us
because I think you would love that fucking game.
Which StarCraft do you have?
Do you have all the way to the Void? All right. So I think you would love that fucking game. Do you have all the way to
The Void?
I think Starcraft 2 is free.
We both have the free version of 2.
It's $60 to get everything,
I think, and I'm willing to do that if we can
play some games together, but
Age of Mythology is $35, and I'm telling you, that shit
is so much fun, dude. It's like
Greek gods are the basis
for each race.
The races are very different and there's a lot of myth units in there.
I know you like mythological shit.
There's like Minotaurs
and Cyclopses
and Valkyries.
I got Civilization. We still haven't played that, Kyle.
You trying to get another game?
The problem with Civilization is
a full game of Civ
and for you to get good at Civ
would take weeks.
Whereas I feel like with one of these really quick
RTSs, you can get
a dozen games in in a four or five
hour playing session and you learn so much
faster. I feel like Wings watches
a couple of YouTube videos.
And he's up to speed.
If Wings watches
that 4 minute and 30 second
Aranos setup thing,
I bet Wings watches
three YouTube videos.
It's not like compared to
running a Zerg patch.
Well, StarCraft 2 Zerg
is much different than
StarCraft Zerg 2.
Yeah, I've only really
played StarCraft.
StarCraft 2, the reason
it didn't catch on
is because they made it
a lot more
new player friendly like um which it sounds stupid it does sound stupid on the whole outside
that the whole like community would revolt against having like your hot keys being all
one side of the keyboard but like in high levelCraft play, being able to manage the entire keyboard was one of the skills.
That makes sense.
For example, in StarCraft 2, if you want to build a Marine, the A button builds your Marines.
In StarCraft 1, the M button builds your Marines.
You get to change your hand all the way over.
You can switch it. You can still use that old system if you'd like.
Yeah, you can.
You can, but I'm just saying there's a difference between old Zerg and new Zerg.
When was the last time you played either StarCraft game?
I've never played StarCraft 2 against people.
But I was a damn near semi-pro in StarCraft 1.
I liked the way you were saying they make it more noob-friendly. The only StarCraft 1 I ever played way, like, what you were saying, they make it more
noob-friendly. Like, the only Starcraft
1 I ever played was at a friend's house,
and he only had one PC, and so
it was near when it came
out, a couple years after, and so
I could only play online people. And
of the, like, four games of online
I played, not one of them even approached
fun, because I was just getting shit on
so hard. Like, I couldn't... hard. They got leagues in StarCraft 2
though as well. Say for example
if Kyle was to start playing StarCraft
2 and say he would get to
like a
silver league or a gold league
and I started playing and I started in as
a bronze, I couldn't play Kyle
unless it was like 100%
private. Yeah, that's what I want to do anyway.
As a bronze. Sorry, go ahead, Kyle.
Yeah, I don't care about any sort of
in-game, in-battlenet rankings, anything
of that sort. When we play AORM, we're mostly playing
with either fans or AI or a combination
of the two. I'm just playing for fun.
I don't care about any leagues or competitive
bullshit. I
want to get good enough to compete with my friends.
I don't really care about the world at large.
If we get wings on Age of Mythology,
because what me and Kyle do is, it'll basically
be a lobby with me, him,
and three or four other people in it, and we just
do he and I versus everyone else
every time. And we win
the overwhelming majority of the time.
No, against all the subscribers
and people who are on the game.
So people who just buy the game and don't know what they're doing.
A couple of them are really...
Most of them are really, really good.
You're going to run into that one guy that's a fucking freak.
Yeah, and then there's a couple of guys who are pretty good,
and then a couple of them are getting better really fast.
Yeah, it's starting to get to the point where we can't play against four of them at once.
But I feel like I can play against two.
Does Peter Baelish play with you guys?
All right, let me talk about this motherfucker. Okay I okay let me say I didn't know anything about this
guy but as soon as he joined okay all right so here's the here's the story on
Peter Bayless he played Siv with us a lot his name is Peter Bayless which is
of course his little finger in Game of Thrones his avatar is little finger and
so when I picture him in my mind he is a little finger he is a conniving little wormy motherfucker and he plays that way and not to his betterment or anyone
else's it's not like he wins games by playing like a douche he ruins games for everyone by playing
like is it the actual peter balish no it's it's a fucking fan who like goes by that moniker and so
so of course there were some issues where like he just beat us in games and you know whatever i'm not gonna hold that against somebody i've been beaten plenty
of times but i remember one particular time he beat us and that and that kind of made me remember
his name um but later on it was your idea to do that but later on you say he plays dirty but
doesn't win and stuff like i'm trying to understand what he's doing in a game.
So we were playing a game with Filthy, I think
six person free for all, and
it became very clear
that two of the opponents
in the game had partnered together
in an effort to simply destroy Filthy.
If you can picture this. Two out of the
six had, they're basically
saying, I don't care if I win or lose, I'm going to make sure Filthy loses. So they're double teaming Filthy, if you can picture this. Two out of the six had, they're basically saying, I don't care if I win or lose, I'm
going to make sure Filthy loses.
So they're double teaming Filthy.
So that seems kind of shitty.
You know, so Chiz, myself, and supposedly Peter Baelish were trying to get behind Filthy
to try to push him to victory because it seemed like he was the guy punching up against two
players who were only trying to beat him because this was the only way they can beat him because he's amazing.
And so we were like, yeah, let's pitch everything behind Filthy,
and we can push those two guys back, kill them, and then, hey,
maybe we turn around and kill Filthy and may the best man win after that, you know?
Like, at least give ourselves some semblance of a chance
because, as is, we can't deal with this two-man
force over here peter bayliss the whole time claims he's going along with us in reality he's
wasting resources on an avenue that's not going to give him the win and he lost the game for all
of us and in the end those two players just won i think it was just he ruined the game and and look
it's not a 20-minute cod game it's not a 45-minute ageD game. It's not a 45-minute Age of Mythology game.
It was a 12-hour game that began at 9 a.m. in the morning that I got up for,
like I drank two cups of coffee before, you know.
There's a whole square on the calendar that you need for that game,
and that square is wasted.
What did he do in Age of Mythology that pissed you off,
or was it just residual hate?
Why don't you play with him if you don't like him?
Well, yeah.
He's too polite.
I don't know.
It's too polite, I guess.
Although last game, we had like seven players,
and we only needed six.
And I was like, I've got good news.
I'm typing this to the group.
I'm like, I've got good news and bad news.
Good news is we're going to play Helm's Deep Scenario.
It's amazing.
And we get to play it just like from the movies.
Bad news is
one of you's got to go.
And everyone's like, oh no, not me, not me.
I'm like, hang on a second, let me flip my magic
coin. And I just kind of go,
it's Peter.
See ya, Peter. And he knows the deal.
He knows he's semi-hated.
I respect his play sometimes.
I've seen him do smart things in-game.
But for the most part, you're kind of a fucking asshole.
And I don't care for you.
Yeah, I hope you are.
You earned your infamy.
You're a cocksucker.
And you play games in a shitty fashion that I don't care for.
And so, if you're around and we need an extra player...
You would hate to play me in StarCraft, Kyle.
No, I wouldn't.
I mean, if you're playing to win,
it's all about playing to win.
If you're coming to me...
See, like, when you agreed to face me in StarCraft
back in the day and I didn't have any...
and I was not...
I was really rusty at it,
I was like, alright,
I'm gonna cliff tank this motherfucker
and that's gonna be it.
I'm sure...
I don't know what that means,
but I'm sure it's some sort of, like,
quick, rushy maneuver that...
No, no, no, no, no.
What it is, you pick Terran and you just shut off routes out of their base with tanks
Yeah, yeah, you just defend against it is a war of attrition
Sure a new tactic of some kind that that's easy to pull off or difficult to counter by especially by somebody that's new that makes
sense
That would be really shitty of you
I mean that's what to me when you say he's a filthy player,
I'm like, he's the kind of player that will use those tactics
that are hard to beat, but very easy to execute.
Because we're introducing me to the game.
Just like if I were introducing you to Age of Mythology,
I wouldn't hit you five minutes into the game
with an Oranos Valor Rush, you know?
I wouldn't play my A game like I'm coming at you like an equal.
I would play my sit back and turtle up
game while you learn the ways of
age and mythology. You just build your economy
and nobody's going to want to play with you if you
rush them around. You guys are talking about this and I only have
a short amount of time here with you.
What do you think about New York?
I know you've
probably already done politics in the show.
I think Anthony is going to take him down in the first round.
I think Bernie really needs to win the state.
He does need to win the state. That's a given.
I'm thinking, what do you think the outcome is?
All right, so I feel like if Bernie doesn't win this,
then his only other chance is if Hillary is indicted.
I feel like that's it, in my opinion.
Hillary's not getting indicted.
Okay, well, you heard it first.
I mean, he has to win the state, and he has to win the state by 20 points.
I mean, he's not going to.
He's not even winning the polls.
The polls would have to be wrong by like 35 points for him to get what he needs.
So he's done.
And it's a closed primary or whatever you call it.
It's a closed election.
So the independents, the Republicansans can't vote. Only the democrats. And the
deadline to switch, if you wanted to, was
back in October of last year, August of
last year. Something like that.
Look, I like Sanders. He's my
second favorite candidate that we have to choose
from in this current pool of turds and douches.
But I just don't
think he's... I feel like Trump is a more
realistic option to beat Hillary.
I don't think Trump is going to be the nominee.
I'm going to call it right now.
I'm going to call it right here.
Everybody wait up.
Kasich is going to be the nominee.
That's not going to happen.
It is.
They're going to go to a contested convention.
Remember, Ted Cruz is a Tea Party guy, and all the Republicans hate Trump.
But Trump might get it.
But they're either going to put Kasich in there or they're going to put in Paul Ryan.
Paul Ryan's not.
He literally came out yesterday and was like,
I want to state this emphatically.
I'm not...
He's like, I'm not running for the office of president.
I had that opportunity.
Hillary's going to beat
whatever Republican they put up anyway.
We'll see.
Hillary is a gaffe machine,
and if you get somebody out there to
get her off her center and get her
speaking off the cuff,
and I feel like Trump can do that.
Trump can make it look silly up there.
I'm not trying to lose to Hillary, though, Kyle.
Hillary is essentially Obama 3.0,
so the black people love her.
Look, Hillary looks okay right now because she's running against somebody who doesn't actually attack her.
Sanders is running a campaign that inspires some people because it's so kind and gentle and nice, but it loses.
When she goes against Trump, he is going to be...
Trump knocked off Jeb Bush.
He knocked off Kasich, really.
He's going to beat Cruz.
He knocked off Paul – who am I looking for?
Marco Rubio.
Rubio, but Rubio's on the list.
I'm looking for Ron Paul's son.
Ryan Paul, maybe?
Rand Paul.
Rand Paul, thank you.
He knocked off Rand Paul.
He knocked off everybody, right?
Rand Paul wasn't even in the race.
Hillary looks her best right now because she's
running against a sweetheart.
When she starts running against someone who punches
back, she is going to look
terrible, right? When
Hillary's identity stops becoming
the senator from New York, Bill
Clinton's wife, and starts
becoming a fat, ugly
whore who's been
evil her entire life, know when you start seeing trump tweeting
memes of her with horns and fire coming out of her nose and her whatever can i can i can i point
out something though all right in a political process you have certain states are almost
always a given for example new york and california are almost always going blue
texas is almost always going red.
Most of the southern states are going to go red.
All Hillary has to do is win two or three of the southern states and win in some of the states that Ted Cruz won in, such as like Iowa, Wisconsin, and places like that, which is very easy to do for a Democrat.
Because Wisconsin is like a state that flip-flops red or blue.
All you've got to do is win those two or three key states, and you've got it.
And women hate Trump.
Black people hate Trump.
Latin people hate Trump.
Trump is pretty much an old white candidate.
And I don't think he's got the numbers to back it. For people who maybe aren't Americans and don't know this already,
there's red states that are Republicans, blue states that are Democrats, and purple states that are swing states.
They could go either way.
The thing is, there's so many more blue states than red states that the Republicans have to, like, shoot the moon.
They have to get almost all the purples to go to their side to win.
Because if you just look at the reds and blues the democrats are practically winning
already they just need you know three out of the seven purples or that's a lot you know two out of
the seven purples and they win so he's right the democrats are most likely going to be the next
president all i'm saying is hillary is going to look so much worse if she runs against trump
because trump will make her look awful she doesn't even have a nickname yet.
She's not Lion Ted or Low Energy
Jeb, right? Wait until she's like
corrupt Hillary.
I can tell you how Trump wins the White
House, though.
If Sanders runs as an independent,
Trump wins the White House.
Yeah, I guess they'll split up
the Democrats.
For me, I won't vote Hillary. I'm not going to vote Hillary. No, I wouldn they'll split up the Democrats. No. Because for me, I won't vote Hillary.
I'm not going to vote Hillary.
No.
Because to me, Hillary is not a Democrat.
Hillary is a light Republican.
I mean, she has Republican policies,
but she kind of leans a little bit further to the left.
If you went back to the day of Abraham Lincoln,
Hillary would be a Republican.
So it's like... My politics knowledge gets sketchy if you went back to day of like abraham lincoln hillary would be a republican so it's like my politics knowledge gets sketchy if you go back that far but she's probably as far right as like reagan is you know reagan wouldn't be much of a republican nowadays
yeah abraham lincoln was a republican yeah right abraham was a republican but you know
he also set the slaves free that's just what what I was saying, that Hillary Clinton would fit right in the Republican
party if you went that far back.
Yeah.
Well, any of the politicians nowadays would, because they'd all freed the slaves, and that
was, you know, Democrats weren't all about that back then.
So, here's what I was saying before you got on the show, we talked about this, and I was
like, the only honest way to support Sanders is if you think you're going to lose.
Right?
And that is, like, so if socialism comes around, there's going to be winners and losers in this redistribution thing.
And if you think you'll do better under socialism, then really what you're trying to do is take from the achievers to line your own pockets.
No.
the achievers to line your own pockets?
No.
Alright, first off,
you're older than me, Woody, so you should know this.
Back in the day,
rich people were taxed after $10 million at 95%.
This is...
It did.
Eisenhower knocked it down to 75%,
and it slowly went down there were so many
tax deductions back in that day that it wasn't the same you know you'd create this is after 10
million dollars you know it's a scale you just make fake partnerships that have like cash gains
and tax losses i mean even during like carter's day there was a 70 tax rate and everyone had these
like crazy funds and losses and stuff that like
even if your business made money you'd be able to lose money in the books the point i'm trying to
make is these fake tax rates that they pull out from the back were never really what they say
they were when there was a 70% tax rate you didn't pay it there's some companies that didn't escape
that fake tax rate and we lived in a a paradise i don't know which i'm just saying like every company
doesn't get those tax rates like for example like when machinima boomed me and you were paying like
40 or 50 percent tax rates on our money i mean if we were donald trump we wouldn't be paying 40 or
50 percent tax rates because we would have all these like shell companies and things to funnel
money through and launder money and we got the process down pat. But not everybody is Donald Trump.
Not every company has these expensive accountants that do nothing but launder money and kind
of clean money as it goes through a system.
So there's going to be more money made out of taxes in a 95% era tax rate than there
is in a 28.8% era tax rate, or 35% of the daystanders.
And what I was saying is, when Trump goes, let's make America great again,
he points, he doesn't really point out a specific time,
but I'm only going to assume he's mentioning the 50s,
where the German auto industry was destroyed, Japan auto industry was nuked,
America's car industry was booming, and everybody was paying taxes. You, buy a house and a new car every year on one salary. And all
this came through because we had a good, strong social safety net.
Well, I think it was more because the companies that would have competed were utterly crippled
by the war, which meant that there was no competition.
There's that, but also that we were building roads, we were building interstates,
we were building up the infrastructure.
There was a lot more jobs to go around,
and those jobs paid well. I think Taylor's onto something here.
We literally blew up all the other countries
while America wasn't involved in the war.
I just said that.
I know, but you also sort of assigned it to,
well, taxes were really high and things were great,
so if we could just make taxes higher again,
then that's really the core reason that our industries were thriving. Here's my core reason I want to go for a socialist type system.
And you think it's got to be redistribution of wealth, which wealth does need to be redistributed.
When your money, Kyle's money, Mirka's money, my money, Chiz's money, everything you see right now on the table is 2% of the total wealth.
You need to redistribute it.
now on the table is 2% of the total wealth, you need to redistribute it. When 160 people have 98% of the wealth, something's wrong. You know what I'm saying? You might need to redistribute it.
And you're trying to say achievers. You used the word achiever just a minute ago. Do you think
the children of Sam Walton are achievers? Let ask you this no so bill gates dad was wealthy right
his father was worth like 20 million dollars if his dad was yours right if you were born in that
family would you be bill gates i wouldn't bill i wouldn't be the richest man in the world of all
his money yeah i would not have made it to be the richest man in the world if my dad was worth 20
million like i get that he had a head
start but head start or not how much you think donald trump's kids are worth what do you think
a lot they all do they all do cool things his daughter married a billionaire so like i mean
like i can't think of a better catch like like than a billionaire's hot daughter like i think
ivanka's pretty fucking hot and the the Tiffany one, she's okay.
Yeah.
I don't know.
But do you think Donald Trump Jr. is this super achiever
that the economy would fall apart if we didn't have?
That guy looks like a real fucking doofus when you look at him.
But I've heard him speak twice.
Once to Sean Hannity, like a phone call interview,
and once on CNN maybe
or Fox News, I don't know. He is extremely well-spoken and intelligent, and he looks
like a real doofus. I know he does. He has a terrible look, and that is not the hairstyle
when you have a face like that.
Yeah, we're not talking about the look, Kyle. We're not talking about the look.
I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
What I'm talking about is like a lot of these people, like not everybody that has
money is an achiever. They might do something great.
They might run their father's company to a T
just like he told them to do it.
And he, you know, it might constantly make money,
but they were born with a money pipe already full blast.
But on the same token,
not everyone who's born or in a situation
where they don't currently have funds available to them
just ended up there, you know,
because they fell off a ladder
and, you know, they had to pay $600,000
for a new spine or some shit.
Most people...
It just seems like it's a really harsh dichotomy.
One side's like, all those people who have money,
they're not really heroes. That's the Sanders side.
And then the other side that's so against it
is all these people don't have money
because they're just not working hard enough.
Because they fuck people out of their mortgages.
Wait, what? I don't have money because they're just not working hard enough. Because they fuck people out of their mortgages. Wait, what?
Are those achievers?
I don't know, man.
Back in 2008, you had people borrowing money off of the gains of bad mortgages,
and then they would sell that money back for profit,
the mortgages to other companies for profit,
and eventually these mortgages started going belly up,
and it caused the crash of 2008.
Yeah.
Are everybody that became millionaires during that time,
are they all super achievers?
No, of course not.
That's a differentiation to make.
Here, you think of
every millionaire as a Justin Bieber,
somebody that worked hard at their craft,
put in the hours, and then
gained success. That's not
always the case either. That's the overwhelming majority
I would say.
Especially when we talk about millionaire. We're not talking about billionaire.
We're not talking about 100 millionaire.
If you talk about the people who have
less than 5 million, they probably
started a business.
It was successful. They worked
all the time. I haven't had a day off in
six years.
More likely than not.
You also, under Bernie Sanders
tax plan, would not be adversely hit on.
And you wouldn't have it any other way.
Because you don't make $10 million a year, would you?
Not yet.
You would absolutely have to.
Everybody would have to pay.
I mean, so if you started making $10 million a year,
you'd be adverse to paying like 20% more taxes.
Hey, we're about to start the crusher, all right?
And when the crusher hits the scene,
$10 million a year is going to be chump change.
I'll be the richest one on this call.
I'm just saying this.
I'm just saying this.
It's good to have rich people, and rich people deserve to be rich if they work for it.
They do.
But on the side note is when you have companies like Walmart, you have companies like the pharmaceutical people, people like Mark Shkreli that are just laundering and leasing people for their money
because they can. When you have companies like McDonald's that won't pay their workers a fair
wage, when you have companies like Walmart that get it coming and going, they pay their employees
so little that the government has to subsidize them with food stamps. And then the people turn
around and use the food stamps in their company. And this is the biggest company in America right
now. And as soon as they have to Walmart pays their people exactly what they're worth.
And as soon as they have to pay 1% more taxes, they're ready to run from the country.
1%. That's not his plan.
So look, what you do is you say, hey, everyone deserves $15 an hour, right?
Every man, woman, and child who has a job, well, that's what Sanders says, deserves $30,000 a year.
That's what $15 an hour is after two weeks off.
He put $15 up there, but he said they need a livable wage.
15 could increase.
Not every job.
If the person that's pouring your coffee at Starbucks has to feed kids too.
They do.
And even if everybody went to school and everybody was a wonderful achiever,
somebody has to dig the ditches.
Okay, hold on a second.
Capitalism requires people to make more of themselves than a barista.
Crony capitalism.
That's what.
We're trying to go to a socialist.
Crony capitalism means that you hire people who are your friends instead of a meritocracy.
But you don't all get to make $30,000 a year if you're not worth that.
It's supply and demand determines wages. Who determines what's worth $ if there's so many it's supply and demand 30 grand though supply and demand determines it just like it determines the price on everything
else it also includes human capitalism doesn't work unless it's in an enclosed system i think
what you don't realize is that if you make the minimum wage 15 an hour then people are guaranteed
to lose those jobs right the fries and mcdonald's will make themselves because at $15 an hour, it's cheaper
that way. You got to put government regulation on it. Okay. So here's the thing. When you take
the government and you have it mandate how things are run, right? It's protectionism that is so
strong, right? Like, all right, now this is forced to be done in the US. It's forced to do that.
If the government starts regulating how these things do, instead of allowing these companies
or forcing these companies, I should say, to compete on their own merits, you get what happened to Russia, right?
Hold on a second.
What about the Finnish companies?
When the Iron Curtain dropped and we looked inside what was Russia, it looked like it was the 50s.
Their cars were old-fashioned while ours were electronically fuel-injected.
Their tractors and tanks and all the crap they had their their farmers were shit you
want to know why because they weren't forced to compete on prices next to
others like the American farmers are the level with us in any way you're trying
to say you're trying to say keep staying up to date with other countries that
have like this thing I'm just looking about it trees like wait look at the
competition competition is what the entire
universe is about. Look at how evolution
works. No, hang on. Just look at
how evolution works.
It's the survival of the fittest.
And if we start changing that,
then it's going to be the survival
of the shittiest.
It's really difficult for me to think
that
entity that can't get the mail delivered correctly, that can't fix the roads in a reasonable manner, that can't do anything, needs more control and needs to have its hand in more cookie jars.
It already can't handle what it's been tasked with.
Yeah, but Taylor, let's look at it this way.
Let's look at it this way.
There's a guy in my house right now, 70 years old.
He could have a massive heart attack right now.
And the closest hospital to me is a memorial center. And if I wanted to get him to a hospital that had to take
him by the 1986 Medical Act, I'd have to drive 35 miles to get there because the hospital wouldn't
take him, that I'm closest to. So even if I found a hospital and he survived he's now hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt
and to say you're using russia as an example russia could be a bad example as far as i know
because the finnish countries have a 21 an hour minimum wage and they're not fucking falling apart
here's the thing if you're 70 years old and you live in America and you're not a millionaire, then you're bad with money.
Right?
So you should die?
Listen, this guy worked in the HVAC industry his entire life.
It is filled with money.
I swear to God, those fuckers are so rich.
And unlike every other contractor in the planet, they get paid up front before they do anything.
You write the check, then they do the work.
Unlike everyone else.
This guy could win the lottery
and he would be poor in no time at all just like so many lottery winners if you live in america
and you're 70 and you don't have a million bucks then you haven't you just haven't been smart with
your money but you're under your idea you should just die right nobody should care about you
you should take you should be able to take care of yourself
i understand that i get the cruelty like thirty thousand dollars and it's cruelty it's just like
martin squarelli that's capitalism i need those drugs now to pay 750 a bottle i'm not even
completely against socialized medicine medicine really like i think it might be a good i don't
care about wage increase and everything i won't free help there are so many other things in sanders platform that have to do
with like just fucking the rich like oh do you make too much fuck you were taking your money do
you you know inherit fuck you were taking your money taxes taxes by themselves initially is
taking money regardless of who it's from if you're need more money, do you take it from the poor,
or do you take it from people that have an excess of it?
But he's giving it to everyone.
Maybe you shut down a government program that doesn't work and is a waste
of money, or maybe have a few more auditors
that go into government buildings and say, hey, you don't
actually need all this funding. Name a government program that doesn't
work. The military.
The military, I will agree with you there,
but the military does have a purpose.
It works, actually. It doesn't need to be where it is.
It's just not cost effective.
Yeah, that's true.
Here's the thing.
Here's the thing.
I don't want to live in a country where this is a right, but health care is a privilege.
What?
No, I definitely want to live in a country where that's a right.
But health care is a privilege.
I'd rather have health care be a right instead of guns.
At this age, I prefer guns.
Ask me when I'm 75.
You know, with a gun,
you can force someone to give you healthcare.
I've seen that in the movies.
I'm bleeding bad.
Works out well.
Then you get to see what human incarceration is all about.
More free healthcare.
More free healthcare.
No, the issue is not the healthcare for me like i'm not even completely against that whatever um i'm not even against it
at all the issue is the rest of the safety nets he wants to put around everything the minimum wage
hikes the taxes the free school like a lot of this really concerns me you know when college
tuition becomes free a lot of people that are on the fence
about whether or not they give a shit
about their education will take it.
You know, like,
I've been on autopilot for 12 years now.
I guess I'll go to 13th grade.
And that's not good.
But it works in Germany.
It made Germany the most,
it made Germany the most
vibrant economy in the world.
Oh, yes.
If only the American economy
could catch up to Germany's.
Yeah. They're horseshit compared to us. Yeah. Oh yes, if only the American economy could catch up to Germany's. Yeah.
They're horseshit compared to us.
How many Germany's would you need
to make just the west
coast of the United States as far as
economic productivity?
Unless you count Hollywood, there's not
very many people in the west coast.
Silicon Valley?
We should really be talking about crushing things,
getting our asses fingered,
shitting in mailboxes.
You done with the politics?
The last time you bombed it on a living thing. You guys have such a slow vision.
You gotta take care of
everybody around you.
I find people that don't.
No, you don't. No, you do not.
I don't take care of it.
Taylor, let me ask you this question.
There's three people I fucking take care of.
Let me ask you this question, Taylor.
How are you forming that opinion?
How am I forming it?
You just said you don't have to take
care of people around you. How did you come to that opinion?
You came from education, right?
Well, you said you have to help
everyone around you. Right, you should.
You should have to help everyone around you.
Because guess what? Guess what, Taylor?
Because everybody believed that you were when they paid for your education.
He grabbed my arm and he kind of like clipped his teeth at me.
When they paid for your socialist education, Taylor, they believed in you.
They believed in me?
Wings, what are you saying?
What does that even mean that you have to help everybody around you?
People want to say socialism is going to be the downfall of everything.
As it always is.
All our education is socialist.
Only so far.
We're not trying to turn ourselves into China.
We're trying to turn ourselves into a capitalism
with a social safety net.
Like you have a safety net,
so if you fall,
you're not going to be ran over by a car or some shit.
Ideally, you're 100% right.
It would be...
I think everyone in principle is like,
yeah, everyone ideally should be able
to go to the hospital, get free care. ideally should be able to go to the hospital get free
care everyone should be able to go to the
the local university and get free
education but it's
just a matter of is
you can find tool stuff you realize
this though someone into it
how about a minimum salary
you know what if you don't feel like working and you'd rather
be a beach bum right so minimum salary for
everyone they shouldn't be able to say woody oh hey i'm the government i'm mr government
woody i know you're running a business there you're trying to do this actually as it turns out
um everybody on your payroll now no more no more of this you know twenty eight thousand dollars a
year for you know 30 hours a week you're gonna pay them twenty one dollars an hour because that's
what they're worth and you're saying I can't fucking afford that. I have
too many people. I can't. Oh, well, that's too bad.
According to me, if you were running a
sound enough business, you'd be able to abide by
these arbitrary constructs. You'd cut some.
Fair. You'd cut some, but they'd get
jobs somewhere else. I'm sorry. They could go
back to college. It's free.
They could go back to college. They could go into these road work
jobs that Sanders is talking about.
Rebuilding the roads, rebuilding the bridges, infrastructure.
Who's paying for that?
The same money everywhere else, Wall Street dividends.
Wall Street dividends.
I'm glad there's $18 trillion of that to go around.
Look, at least Donald Trump has a plan.
Look, Donald Trump's plan.
You guys act like Trump.
Shut up, you. I'm going to tell you.
Here's what Trump's going to do.
He's going to build the wall.
Apparently there's like $25 billion
that gets wired by Mexican nationals
back to Mexico every year.
He's going to lock that shit down.
That's his plan. And he's going to say,
Mexico, we'll turn the faucet back on
when you pay for the wall.
He's going to turn off the $25 billion a year faucet. The wall's going to say, hey Mexico, we'll turn the faucet back on when you pay for the wall.
He's going to turn off the $25 billion a year faucet.
The wall's going to be fucking pointless.
Now look, there are a lot of walls around the world that keep out a lot of bad people.
And they work, and they have worked, and they continue to work. Kyle, name one time in history that a great wall has stopped anything.
You know, I found it interesting that the Pope went on and on about Trump's wall.
Have you ever seen what the exterior
of the Vatican looks like?
That country within a fucking country?
It's a giant fucking wall.
It's a giant fucking wall.
It might be the world's biggest, scariest wall.
You know why the Vatican wall works
and Trump's wall won't, though, Kyle?
Let me tell you why it won't work.
The Vatican's wall most likely has a guy
with a gun on top of it.
Trump's wall stretches like
1,200 miles or something like that.
You can't put a guy on a gun on top of it.
We'll have helicopters with guns.
Bullshit. You only need more people than Vatican City.
I mean, if that's the case, you just need to
stand a guy out at the Texas border
with a gun every three feet.
They already do that. I know some people who are...
They already get through, too, because most people that come into our country
come through it legally, not through a wall.
Every three feet.
If there's a guy every 30 feet or something across the border,
they are not sneaking their way through.
Shoulder to shoulder.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, the wall is a stupid idea.
It's a complete waste of money.
Why is it stupid?
I feel like if you were...
Here's what it might do.
Here's what it might do at the very least.
The portions of the wall that are around these border
cities that are seeing these influxes
of illegal immigrants
coming over who turn out to be criminals and
rapists. And it does happen. Everybody hates that
he says it, but it's happening. All illegal immigrants
have committed at least one crime. They get
rapey. Yes, absolutely.
That's not what he means.
It's not what he means. Just by coming, they became a criminal.
That's what I mean, yeah.
Those criminals by virtue of their...
Those slow folk out there listening.
Let me tell you something.
I've ridden with you in a car.
You break laws. You're a criminal.
That's...
Remember that time you broke into Canada
illegally and then started siphoning resources from their socialized medicine system
and took advantage of their hospitality there for years
until eventually you went back and left.
First off, Taylor, first off, you act like Mexicans that are illegal get free health care.
No, of course.
Do they go to an ER?
No.
They go to an ER, they get the same health care you would get, Kyle, though.
Why?
Why do they?
You should let them them out in the streets
Well, because people don't like dead bodies laying in front of the hospital doors when they go pay for the service
It's wrong that Mexican. I'll tell you like I
Because if you make them prove citizenship when they're injured then citizens will die too. They'll be like oopsie-daisy
You know what if I get away?
Daisy you know what if I get away that's very good what if I went out to work or happy Civil War happened and it's happened 60
I instantly tell he is a Mexican or you were mister one of the questions on the
test oh no when I go back to school I mean it's on the citizenship test what
was the question but the Civil War started oh I don't have to take that. I was born here. When it started.
It began at night.
Either 60 or 61, right?
64.
No, that's not right, Wings.
It might not be right.
Oh, you had such conviction there.
There's other questions. Like 60 to 65.
66.
It's something like that like 60 to 60 66 and something like that 61 to 65
Yeah, I was right it ends in 65. We were both right. Yeah, I
Wasn't wrong. I didn't say shit
Regardless most people want I vote to. I vote to decitizenize Wings of Redemption.
I second.
All in favor say aye.
Wings had a job skill. I do not think that citizenship is something that can be prevented.
If Wings had a job skill and health, I would renounce my citizenship and move to a Finnish country.
Here's the thing.
I just worry that if we do too much of a giveaway, a couple things happen.
It makes it even more tempting to hide your money, right, in like Panama, for example.
It makes it more tempting to outsource jobs.
It makes it more tempting to automate jobs.
And it protects the country's businesses in a way that stops them from being competitive.
Those are my real concerns.
I'm worried about small business.
You know what my concerns are, Woody?
Getting free health care for Jim.
James doesn't know what he's talking about, and? Getting free health care for Jim. There's somebody on subreddit that says,
Bings doesn't know what he's talking about,
and I want to address you right now.
All the people that are going to comment on the subreddit,
I might not know what I'm talking about sometimes,
but when you comment on it, I would like to let you know
I wish you were sucking my fat dick because I hate your ass.
I have two comments.
One, I suspect they're going to say that you held yourself really well, 3v1.
And two, I also wish I was sucking your fat dick.
Oh, my gosh.
I guess you don't agree with Carolina's new laws then, Woody.
No, I don't.
Oh, my gosh.
It's such an embarrassment.
So there's these laws.
It's like H-2B or H-B-2, one of those.
H-B-2, House Bill 2.
And what people know it as
is like the bathroom law.
So they made it so that people who are...
I'm going to mix this up
because I suck at like the new gender.
Transgender.
It's transgender.
If it's like transgender or gender spy or whatever.
No, no.
It's not just transgender.
I swear there's more to it than that.
Let's say LGBT. No,bt doesn't cover it either but they're they're like cross trashes whatever you basically
people it's no i swear there's more than just if it was just transgender i'd know it
so okay i don't know you i would anyway they want people to be able to choose whatever bathroom they
want to go to. Right.
The people, the Republicans are like, no, you can't have men in women's bathrooms.
That's not OK.
The other people are like, look, these guys are at high risk for suicide. They identify as women, even though they're men or vice, even though they were born a man or vice versa.
You know, I have a heart.
Let them go to whatever bathroom they want to, et cetera.
But there's more to it.
They also made it so that the state law, which says you can't issue –
the state law, which says you got to go to the bathroom.
You were born on your birth certificate.
And you can't have any laws that project project i'm sorry protect lbgt rights
you can't have the city right supersede the state one so previously for example charlotte
had a law that was really um like protective of leg of lesbian gay bi and trans right they had
some laws that protected people now that law is no good because the state law says ours supersedes everybody else.
I think you're missing a key point, Woody, in that.
Because the bathroom was part of it, but they also issued a rule in there that would allow businesses to use a religious bias as a reason not to give services to a –
I think that's – there's a bunch of things bundled in there The bathroom thing is the one that gets all the headlines
But there's
Businesses being religiously biased
States
I'm sorry cities can't have protected things
Like let's say for example if Domino's
Manager was on duty and he's a
Southern free will Baptist and he doesn't believe
Gays and abomination and all
He can choose not to serve you pizza
At Domino's he couldn't
If it was Joe's Pizza Shack he could if he was Joe So the issue there Because what's happened is He can choose not to serve you pizza. Well, not at Domino's he couldn't. Yeah, that's not exactly true.
If it was Joe's Pizza Shack, he could if he was Joe.
So the issue there, because what's happened is there was that florist who was fined $150,000 because she didn't want to make an arrangement for a gay wedding.
Now, you've got to think about it.
It's not that she was unwilling to sell a product that she possessed. She was unwilling to create
something with her hands to go out and design
a thing and basically take part in
something that she had a religious
objection to. Now, I'm 100%
for gay marriage across the board. I don't see what
the big fucking deal is and I can't understand it.
I don't think she should have paid.
I don't think she should have paid. That seems very unfair.
You shouldn't be able to force me to contract
for you. Now, if I'm the waitress...
I think the reason she had to pay, though, is they wanted to make an example
of her. Like, for example...
It's not the first time it's happened.
When I was assistant manager of Domino's back when I was
a little kid, we had...
Not a little kid, but like a young man.
We had the right to
deny service for...
We had the right to deny
service. We didn't have to give them a reason
but I think the fact that she gave them a reason that they were gay
is the reason she got burnt so badly
like she said I'm not making you a cake
I don't think that you should
honestly that's not fair to her
if it's her business
like it's
murky because you feel like everybody should be able to
get service everywhere but at the same time
you shouldn't be able to go to someone and go hey this event you have to participate in it
and you're also going to pay six figures for it so fuck you like it at the end of the day it is
their business and if that gay couple went in there and was like i want you to make us a cake
and they were like no we don't like gays they could go oh okay well i'm just going to go ahead
and post this on facebook and we'll see how much longer your fucking bakery's around. See you later.
Like, that's the response.
That's where capitalism is going to work.
Most people don't want to go to bakeries where they hate gay people.
Most people don't really give a fuck or think they're disgusted by it.
I think the gays should be treated the same.
There's some people who love bigoted bakeries, too, though.
It goes both ways.
I'm really torn on it, and I completely agree with you.
On one hand—
It's not fair to make them do something they otherwise wouldn't with their business.
Exactly.
I'm big on the freedom issue of only having to do what you should do, right?
You shouldn't force me to work for something I don't want to.
On the other hand, I really – like as I play this out in my head, I'm like, oh, I could have a restaurant with, say, no black people or no green people or no Jewish people.
Like, yeah, we just don't serve Jews here.
And that's so obviously bad but i'm just
saying like you know or golf business owner and you don't like black people like mormons think
black people are the devil yeah yeah yeah well they changed because they had to change so all
of a sudden it's like is it is it worse to say okay business owner you're forced to like be this
guy's accountant or whatever or is it worse to say
you know like you can't discriminate right like that's not right but do you also forced like i
don't know i'm torn it's one of those things where it's like when this is getting pushed
the response is always like like because the people like this florist will be like well i
don't want to have to make gay people cakes.
And then the response is like, well, if you don't want to make them a cake, you don't have to.
Or if you don't want an abortion, don't get one.
Or if you don't want gay marriage, don't get it.
And then they come around and say like, well, I don't want to make you this gay cake.
And they go, oh, really?
Well, that thing we said before was a lie.
You're going to make that cake and you're going to pay me $600,000 for it or whatever the fuck. It's so bigoted and cheap
but it's not fair to make them do it.
I'd have baked a cake before I had to pay a quarter million fine.
This North Carolina thing though is becoming a national story.
PayPal pulled out.
A handful of musicians have pulled out jimmy
buffett didn't um but it like boycotting north carolina is the new trendy thing and like i'm
counting thousands of jobs another 2 000 jobs just didn't come this way uh for one company alone
that's a big we're really happy that you're taking that ferguson heat away
george is getting it too because Georgia and Mississippi.
He vetoed that thing. Hey, we vetoed
our bill.
I think Disney was about
to pull out of Georgia.
He was never good.
That thing was never up for consideration.
They made a big deal out of that, but he was never going
to sign that. That wasn't even a consideration.
What do you think about Mississippi's
court, the judge making Mississippi take the rebel
flag off their state flag?
I don't care.
I don't fucking care anymore.
I just don't fucking care
anymore. Like, I don't care what our flag is
or our bird. I don't
fucking care. Not even a little.
Um, not even a little.
If they got rid of all the flags,
it would take me a long time to notice.
I'm going to tell you what Georgia needs to get rid of.
All the ugly-ass people.
Georgia got some ugly motherfuckers in that state.
You're thinking of Boston.
I'm thinking of Georgia.
I was thinking specifically of
Toccoa, Georgia.
Those Toccoans.
I wouldn't know.
There's some mountain folk there.
I know where to go
I'm walking around with Jeremy in two koas Walmart and we walked around about an hour
Jeremy had a little racist spell that day
but uh
Your little one a black man hit his buggy with his buggy and you know, it just popped out
What popped out?
popped out what popped out what do you say slurs were there some n-bombs involved yeah there's some n-bombs involved but uh me and jeremy was walking around i'm like jeremy i'm like i haven't seen one
good looking girl yet he's like what do you mean and he's like and we started looking around we
started looking for a hot chick we couldn't find one in walmart i think the problem is that you're at walmart because i was at the conway walmart
i had a similar experience of ugly motherfuckers so just it's walmart shit it really does depend
on what walmart you're at though because it's like a joke of like oh fucking ugly people at
walmart but everybody goes to walmart so if you go to a Walmart in a decent area, you're going to see some attractive people.
If you go to Walmart in apparently Toccoa
nowhere, it's
not going to go well.
I'll tell you another thing I've seen when I was in Georgia.
Open Carry is a lot
more prolific in Georgia.
More people do it.
I don't get Open Carry.
I see a few people doing it.
There's a certain vibe about guys who Open Carry.
I don't give a fuck what you think.
And it makes me like, oh, well, it would be a waste of time to be offended by his gun.
And that's the end of that.
It doesn't bother me that he's got a gun on his hip.
I just noticed that it's there.
It's like, oh, I've never seen that in like Conway or like Myrtle Beach.
Chiz saw it.
Like Chiz just had gotten to georgia and
we were doing our rafting and ziplining trip and uh we went to walmart and as soon as we're walking
out of walmart there's a fucking cowboy walking and he's got a gun belt on and a six shooter
and and he was just like what the fuck is that and i'm just like oh yeah that's how it is around
here everybody you know lots of cowboys but it's just like i'd never seen anything like that before he was he's like a six shooter and a gun belt with bullets in it you know what i mean
like a bandolier of bullets around you might have been competing that day no it wasn't that kind it
was like even if i was competing i would have left it in the truck i'd like threw it in the back seat
or something no it's this can't walk around with an empty bandolier it wasn't empty he was locked
and loaded he was ready to roll.
No, he was saying he'd have left the gun in the truck.
Then you'd be all cowboy outfit.
I would just put the whole gun belt in the back seat.
He brought his into Walmart on purpose.
Yeah, I see a few people over here.
You know, Walmart's the place you get into gunfights all the time.
Oh, it looks like it's time for one more ad read.
We have a brand new sponsor at Piers this week.
HelixSleep.com.
Tell me about them.
You spend a third of your life asleep.
Why cut corners when it comes to this area of your life?
With a mattress that isn't getting the job done.
You should be sleeping on a mattress that makes the other two-thirds of your life all the better
because of the amazing night's sleep you got.
Helix Sleep mattresses are here to do just that for you.
HelixSleep.com slash PKA is where you need to go to get started getting a better night's
sleep.
Helix captures your information in a simple questionnaire.
Questions include height, weight, sleep style, and firmness preference.
Based on your response, Helix creates your sleep profile.
Step two, Helix takes your responses and runs
them through their proprietary technology, which is based on laboratory sleep research
and 3D human body modeling. The result is a mattress optimized across four key performance
metrics, feel, support, point elasticity, and temperature regulation. They make your
personalized mattress to order from the highest quality materials
at their US-based manufacturer, compress it, and ship it in a box directly to your doorstep.
The composition of every custom mattress suited to you and your dimensions. It is constructed
with Dunlop latex, polyfoam, and 1.5-inch steel forged micro-coils. On the inside, each mattress is protected by a polyester cover
designed to be comfortable, breathable, and sleek.
Head on over to helixsleep.com slash pka today
and get started getting a better night's sleep.
That's helixsleep.com to save $50 on your mattress right now.
So wait, these guys make custom mattresses
based on your height, weight, and dimensions?
And that's, I feel like a peasant now.
As a fat dude, the box spring fails me more than my mattress does.
Well, this one's got forged coils to resist.
The coils in my mattress don't fucking fail.
I'm just saying like the box screen usually fails before the mattress does.
Yeah.
The box screen's like 70 bucks.
Just go get you a new one.
Or you could do that thing where you just put a mattress on the floor.
I'm going there now.
Helix mattress.
Let's see.
Helixsleep.com.
I didn't want to disagree with, like, your sponsor, but,, but polyester covers are not sleek.
Oh, they're so sleek, dude.
Sleek is not the word to describe a polyester cover.
Yeah, I think probably classy.
So sleek.
Classy or maybe bourgeois.
It's a very bourgeois fabric.
I don't know.
It's a negative connotation.
I can't stand polyester covers on a mattress.
You shouldn't even have a box spring, right?
You should have a bed with a platform that the mattress sits on.
I don't even know what box springs are all about.
Yeah, that's what a box spring is, what you just described.
Like, for example, my bed has rails, and it has three or four pieces of wood.
Then it has a box spring, and then the mattress sits on the box spring.
Buy a platform bed so that the bed sits on top of like a big
wooden like layer and then uh it's like laying in a pool of lube i'm told it's me calling my
broker woody it's ir nothing let me go and get a gold brick and just chip off what I need to get that platform.
Dude, California King's like a thousand bucks.
You take 50 off.
You got that.
Oh, you know what you could try, Wings?
Upload videos.
Is it really?
Is it really that cheap?
$9.95 and then $50 off with the PKA code.
I paid $1,200 for a memory foam mattress.
These guys are like scientific and shit.
Yeah, this is the way you do it.
So scientific. Yeah, this is what way you do it. So scientific.
They're talking about scanning you.
I only picture you putting a mocap suit on
and laying on a fucking mattress
and they're using a computer with a laser
going up and down you.
They actually let you put on the same suit
that Andy Serkis wore in Lord of the Rings.
I went to a mattress king and took one of the books
for a queen.
What's an Andy Serkis? Oh oh he was gollum probably yeah he was gollum
dude i like the box it comes in but i should do more youtube videos that is good advice dude you'd be buying mattresses like you bought trucks old old days man
oh i doubt that.
I mean, my mobile views went through the roof since back then.
I mean, back in the day, I was getting like 18% mobile views.
We don't get paid for mobile at all.
Is that true?
There's no mobile money?
I know there's ads on mobile now.
But my mobile views are something like, I think last month was like in the low 80s.
I think it's gotten to the highest 87.
Here's what I think we need to do.
was like in the low 80s.
I think it's gotten to the high 87.
Here's what I think we need to do.
I would think that people would watch longer vlogs
and be more likely to watch that on a PC.
I make most of my money
on Twitch right now.
I know that, but listen to me.
I just wanted to do YouTube because
it seems YouTube's easier to grow on than Twitch.
Look, here's what I think you should do.
You should get some kind of hidden camera thing,
and I want to be immersed in your family life one night.
I would love for you to wear a lapel camera and microphone all day,
and then that night, edit together the full day
into 45 minutes that tells the narrative of your day,
and intersplice that with you on camera being like,
Here's the problem, though.
That video will make my life much worse.
Here's the thing.
They watch my videos.
Everyone else who does vlogs.
Okay.
Casey Neistat makes amazing vlogs, right?
But he's doing a little different than other people.
He's sharing his life and he's showing the highlights and he's doing a thing,
but you sort of see what he's up to a lot of people that make vlogs are just like look at me
for six minutes like it's they're kind of crappy i'm doing these day-to-day vlogs vlogs no i'm
doing jive does them right maybe i'll look at them see if i'm inspired but um i've been doing
vlogs like these
daily vlogs on my channel this week. And it's a little different than anyone else is doing.
Like I'm doing more during the day. I'm including it. I'm showing the ups and downs. And a lot of
the vlogs are just like, look at this thing right here. And I'll talk about it with you. And they're
kind of shitty. Your vlogs, if you were to show the drama that is your life people could get invested in it like a
soap opera and and i picture you as like the only sane person in your world saying yeah look at this
can i play devil's advocate because like i could i'm gonna get two videos out of that and then
every time the camera's busted out people shut up because they don't want to be on camera
oh as long as you do it at the right time it'll be like laguna beach myrtle beach like my grandma's different my grandma's different she
doesn't give a fuck but like my mother doesn't want to be on camera at all like if i pull the
camera out hidden camera man look look all you gotta do is like throw that thing and like yeah
like how can you get a hidden camera before they go to your YouTube channel and be like, this motherfucker
was filming me. I got a thing, right?
What if you just, like, as a
normal course of the day, you start wearing button
down shirts, and your new thing
is that you keep your, I don't know if you guys
see me. They watch his channel.
Make a
decoy channel.
Decoy channel. Hey, maybe
you just make some videos for me.
Maybe you just look at my world.
I won't tell anybody, you know, and your mom won't see the videos,
and I'll get my kicks.
Wings, not your last one.
I want to film this family show.
There's, like, money to be made there.
There's, like, real money.
I know.
You made a video today, Wings, and it was to gameplay.
The one before that.
Did you make that video yourself?
I did.
It was terrible, I know.
No!
It was good.
It had editing.
Like, when you talked about the tire tracks, you went outside and, like, got the tire track footage and overlaid it and put it there.
And we're all like, whoa, there's cuts here.
Like, Wings got some footage of what he's talking about like i i thought that maybe you went back to patrick who used to edit
your like walking videos and like do some like your branding and stuff he didn't have my walking
videos well maybe i'm all patrick did was like he uh he did some overlays for me over any of this
messy stuff i thought he did at least one video with the music he did do one stuff he did yeah
and you could tell.
It was like professionally done.
And I thought that maybe someone had helped you with that because it was so good.
I just threw the fucking iPhone out there.
That's all it takes, dude.
Today you were talking about it.
We were like, I'd love to see what – the shed.
You were talking about the shed today to gameplay.
And we're all group watching this thing on the edge of our seats like,
oh, I want to hear more about the shed. And we're all group watching this thing on the edge of our seats like, oh, I want to hear more about the shed.
And we're like, where's the video?
You needed to go outside, put in the corner some shots of the shed to show us what.
I can't picture a shed that you're tempted to turn into a home.
I don't know what that looks like.
I think of a shed as a little bigger than like a push mower and some chainsaws.
I'm imagining bubbles out there.
You've seen the fucking shed.
We were just here like two weeks ago.
It was that big building.
I know, but I don't remember the shed.
I didn't get a good look at the motherfucker.
Why didn't you get some video of the shed when you were talking about the shed?
We needed you to do it.
That's good advice.
I'll probably do that next time.
The reason I did the tire tracks is because I want people to see it.
I don't want people to take my word for it.
I did that because I didn't think people would believe me that Grandma spun the yard up.
Chiz put something pretty funny out there.
We put together all of our PKNs, which is like an hour-long show that we do in the middle of the week together.
And we sell them on this site called Gumroad.
You could do the same thing with like the gangster
i don't know the inside the wings redemption family show and you know charge like three
dollars an episode or whatever the fuck you want to charge for it and i feel like your dedicated
fans would pay three bucks for that and there'd be several hundred of them i would think i would pay
i'll chip in that three bucks an episode if they're 45 minute like
day-long blogs like you like high effort videos like you could be making 500 a video youtube has
that built into it too like are you familiar with this i want some advice from you guys it could be
50 cents a video yeah i'd like to get some advice for you guys though i'll try my brother's situation this was a little tougher yeah um
what after i left kyle's house and i came back here um my brother had been carless for about a
year at that point and he had a military check my brother's a purple heart uh military veteran
and you know he was down on himself he was gaining weight he was stuck pretty much in the house
because he couldn't you know he had to beg people to take him places.
So I'm like, you know, my credit's freed up.
You got the money to pay for it.
I'll go help you get a truck.
So I went and helped him get a truck.
And I co-signed for him because his credit was ruined from credit cards in the military.
Like he got these credit cards in the military where you could buy stuff out of the base store.
He messed his credit up with that.
So two and a half years go by,
and it's all good and grand,
but my brother develops a little bit of a drug problem.
But, you know, it's a lot of a drug problem.
He's had that for years.
A couple years right he didn't but at the time i i helped him get the truck he wasn't on drugs so like my my belief was this it
was a solid deal i'm helping him out he gets 1400 from the military truck payments 300 bucks a month
he can cover the truck payment even if he doesn't get a job you know why do you give him
from the military um ptsd and um he caught a frag grenade okay that lasts for life for life he gets
that for life um and then well he got on he started on with these things called pain pills, you know, Delatas, things of that nature.
And he got that through a girl.
And, well, eventually he got another job by a guy across the street, and he ended up making good money on that job.
He's making $16, $17 now, which is good money in South Carolina.
For sure.
And so he's getting the military check plus that money.
So he's making $4,000 or $5,000 a month.
So, you know, whatever.
I'm good.
It's only going to help my credit out.
Whatever.
Well, he starts graduating.
He's making three grand a month.
But anyway.
Right.
Unless I'm missing it.
He starts graduating.
He stops doing the pain pills and he starts doing the heroin.
That's a common progression.
That's a common progression. That's a common progression.
He started out with these things called slits.
They're like little
envelopes that come with white powder and you sniff
them. And that eventually
turns into the liquid heroin,
which is like black, and it comes in like
vials.
Well, when he couldn't get the heroin,
he subsidized it with crack.
Well, when he couldn't get the heroin, he subsidized it with crack. Well, he got caught about two months ago, two, maybe three months ago,
with all three substances in his truck, crack, heroin, and pain pills,
in a bottle that isn't his.
So now he's facing a felony charge of trafficking.
But he doesn't actually traffic.
He just happens to be...
It's going to be pushed down.
That's the charge they gave him.
They're going to lower the charge probably.
He's probably going to get a misdemeanor.
But when he got hit with that charge,
his job fired him.
And now he's using his military check
to fund his habit.
The only problem is he just bought a house
on the GI Bill to go his habit. The only problem is he just bought a house on the GI Bill to go with it.
So his house payment is like $850 a month
plus the truck, plus the drug habit.
And now he's like three months behind on the truck.
And I have no clue.
I confronted him about it.
And all he wanted to do was fight me.
I think there might be a good chance
he might have to go
to jail for it you know at least i'm not talking about prison maybe maybe not prison i don't know
what about his priors his military record will help him some i'm sure in court but but i think
he's in a good bit of trouble here and he might have to go to county jail for you know three
months or something like that you think just yeah if this is his first offense and he's
just got a bunch of drugs on him like you don't go to jail for that do you i mean look i don't
have a lot of experience in this in this regard but i remember i was in traffic court and there
were guys up there who had a small amount of marijuana and they were it was either like a
thousand dollar five eight hundred dollar fine or they were sending some of them to jail for a week.
I predict he gets probation.
I think in lieu of a fine, he may have to do some jail time.
I don't think he'll get jail time on the first time.
I think he's going to get hit with a misdemeanor,
and he's going to be forced to take place in a locally run center
that helps you get off drugs,
which charges you like 300 bucks a month
to be taken part of and you probably get probation too which even then all this isn't helping because
all this is gonna be like six or seven hundred dollars each month that he doesn't have you know
i think it really depends if the judge sees that amount and thinks that if he believes him that
that was his personal stuff then that's one thing thing. But if the judge sees X amount...
It's going to be some minimum sentencing thing.
Yeah, that could run into it.
I don't think that'll happen if it's not a felony.
I wish the best for him, but in the best case scenario...
I don't care about what he goes through. He's dead to me.
I want to know what I should do about the truck.
Well, I don't know about that.
Do you let it go back and just take the hit on the credit?
Because the truck's fucking worthless.
We owe like $10,000 on the truck.
He has beat it all to hell.
He's wrecked it five, six times.
He's got rust on the body.
The truck is worthless.
At best, it's going to be fair, like on a Kelly Blue Book fair.
I think it's worth like $5,000, but I don't think I can get somebody to give me $5,000 for it.
I think what you need to do is go talk to the bank.
2008 GMC Sierra Z71 extended cab.
Yeah, you need to go talk to the bank, and you need to be very honest and straightforward with them.
And be like, look, this is the situation I'm in.
This is what's happened.
And just tell them the truth.
Be like, look, I'm not going to make payments on this vehicle.
I can't see doing that.
So I'm just letting you know up front, whatever we need to do.
They're going to take the truck back regardless.
I was trying to say, what would be the best route for me?
I'm going to do that.
I think Kyle's plan, the tail end of it, is going to be,
would you arrange something for pennies on the dollar?
It'll get you something rather than nothing.
Yes.
You may be able to.
That's about it.
They're in a position to deal with you
instead of selling your debt to some collection agency.
They might be more willing to work with you
and work something out that will be softer on your credit.
But I'll tell you what, if you just turn a cold shoulder
to them and ignore them and like, I'm not answering that.
That's my brother's phone call that's calling because that's your phone call.
Don't be confused.
It's about you too.
They call me six times a day.
You need to be answering them.
You need to set an appointment, go and talk to them and be straightforward
and just straight up honest with them about everything that's happening
and everything that's going to happen, and it'll be a lot easier on you.
There's a little bit of information I still got to get.
Let me pull this out here. I don't know why I'm bothering to show you, but he sent me a text message. Let me lot easier on you. There's a little bit of information I still got to get. Let me pull this out here.
I don't know why I'm bothering to show you,
but he sent me a text message.
Let me read it to you.
It might have been a Facebook message.
And I don't know if I should believe it or not.
This was sent on Monday at 6.21 p.m.
Well, I sent him a message on saturday
he goes still no word if you're going to make a truck payment i really need to know something
and he got to me uh monday which is two days later i'm i am trying working construction
started last week i should be able to start catching up well you know i guess you have
to take him at his word for it but if he he misses it, like I said, he could possibly go into jail.
I mean, you need to do what I told you to do.
You need to go talk to the bank.
Just talk to him?
Yeah, you need to tell him the truth, 100% the truth.
Tell him about the drug problem.
Tell him about why you co-signed with him.
Tell him about your personal financial situation.
Let him know if you can do anything.
Let him know that you're interested in looking at some other alternative,
but let them know, hey, we're not going to be able to make payments on this.
You just go to the bank and talk to the loan officer.
Who's the loan through?
Who's it financed with?
Chase.
You arrange that at a car dealership, or Chase is your bank,
and you went in there and took out...
No, Chase is the car dealership we arranged it at.
Then you need to do it over the phone then.
You can call them and then they'll let you know
where to go from there,
but that's a phone number kind of thing.
Yeah, answer their calls.
What happens now when they call?
Do you not answer or do you like...
I've answered a couple times
and all they want to do is make me...
They'll be like,
well, can you help them out today and make a payment and i tell them no i'm not making a payment over
to them because you because you can't pay it either no i can pay it i got the money to pay it
but i don't but like i understand it's my responsibility but at the same time i much
rather have kenneth pay pass this as his truck.
Yeah.
I don't drive it.
I never drove it.
I think I drove the truck one time, and I was test driving it.
And, like...
Cosigning's a tough deal, man.
It kind of sucks, because I thought this was a solid one.
It's like, you know, this is helping him out.
He's got the money.
He makes good money. And then heroin comes out of left field and, like, elbow drop. Yeah, He's got the money. He makes good money.
And then heroin comes out of left field and elbow drop.
Yeah, that's shitty, man.
Well, you definitely need – I would talk to my brother, tell him,
look, man, if you haven't gotten this payment to me by – and just pick a day, next week, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, whatever.
If this payment hasn't been made by then, then I'm going to let him know that,
hey, I know I've co-signed for this thing, but he's not going to make any payments. And I'm going to
start looking for some other option where they take the truck back or they auction the truck,
or, you know, we refinance this thing in some way or another. I don't know what your options are,
frankly, but you need to talk to them because what you don't want to do is have them like
put you on some like red list where like
you're a you're an issue customer
and they start doing the worst they can do to you
they sell your shit to collections and they hit you as hard
on your credit as possible like
they can definitely take it easy on you or
fuck you up
yep
yeah if you yeah
you don't want them garnishing your wages
well yeah yeah they can't do that there but but but either Yeah, you don't want them garnishing your wages.
They can't do that in South Carolina.
Yeah, they can't do that there.
But either way, I'm glad you came. They can put a judgment against me if I get –
and they take taxes and shit like that, which I don't get taxes.
I pay in taxes, so that doesn't help me either.
Yeah.
I'm glad you came on.
What have you been up to in your free time?
Before we go to there, Wings,
What have you been up to in your free time?
Before we go to there, Wings, I think that you really enjoy being the hero in someone who's on Tough Luck Story.
If someone's not doing well, you like helping that guy.
And I get that.
It's important to evaluate the risk to yourself, though. Like when you help Kelly, like that's all cool.
He's staying with you.
And there's not a lot that can go terribly wrong.
You know, you're inconvenienced or whatever, but that's okay, right?
That's what you're deciding to do to someone.
When you co-sign, like when you put your credit on somebody else's hard luck story because his credit's so bad.
You know, he wasn't even a case where he had no credit.
He was a case where he already fucked up his credit,
and now he's fucked up your credit too.
Yeah, but I did evaluate it.
You can't foresee,
well, this guy's going to become a hardcore drug addict
in the next two years.
I feel like I swear he's had issues with that
as long as he got out of it.
He had issues with that when he was still in the military.
He was a drinker or something?
Yeah, he liked to drink. Yeah, but at the time, he was at the house when he was still in the military. He was a drinker or something? Yeah, he liked to drink.
Yeah, but at the time, he was at the house, he was sober.
That's a big leap from alcohol to heroin.
I know.
Alcohol's a problem.
But the thing is, I evaluated him.
He gets the money.
And at the time, my mother was working his finances.
My mother would pay his bills for him.
I get that.
Look, maybe this one was hard to see coming.
Yeah, this one was hard to see coming.
This is crook, right?
Yeah, this is crook.
This guy hasn't been thriving for as long as I've known you,
which is like six years now.
Well, he was kind of thriving a while ago
because he was making $3,000 or $4,000 a month
depending on how much he worked.
And that was enough to support quite a drug habit,
unfortunately, though.
Right.
I mean, that's the problem.
Like, you know, if you make $3,000 a month in South Carolina,
you're living easy.
I guess I just...
I mean...
You can get a woman that drives a Chevrolet.
A real automobile.
All I'm saying is
be sure to evaluate the risk
that you're taking when you're helping people out.
You let someone stay with you, that's cool.
You let someone borrow your truck
who's likely to steal it,
which is the thing.
One of these people stole your truck.
Yeah, I'd watch that old fellow in there.
You never know.
My mama let somebody borrow one of my vehicles.
I'd watch that old fellow in there.
He'll be rifling through your drawers,
going through your change and shit, taking stuff.
We don't know that fellow.
That guy came from plenty of fish.
I didn't choose to help this guy.
He just got dropped on me.
Motherfucker, you opened the door.
Look, I'll tell you what.
Somebody dropped that old motherfucker off on my porch,
he would not be here an hour later.
You'd be calling the law.
I'd call the law.
Mom invited him in the house, you know, and then she left.
Are you telling me that you would like it if this motherfucker would leave right now?
Have you told him?
Is he actively looking for a way out?
My mother is for him.
Well, he should be looking for himself
because he's fucking seven.
He doesn't have license or anything.
You need to tap into this
pension that he's got and start taking some of
that money and put it on Crook's fucking car.
That's your answer.
There you go. Alright, we can rap PKA your answer there you go all right we can wrap pk
happily here you go defraud that old man take his money give it to crook that plus it plus crooks
gi bill money and and you know maybe a little supplemental construction work he'll be fine
don't forget wings you're a rape squad killer you defraud this fucking old man
that would be defraud like if he is
just if he like if he doesn't out if he isn't out by the end of this month he's got to start paying
rent yeah charge that motherfucker rent and look just look just sign him up for a thing where he
his checks go directly into your account and then you bill him you bill him for services and he gets
like a statement and like and the net uh you know the over. You make it a lot more complicated.
You ever seen Better Call Saul?
No, I haven't.
Don't spoil it. Don't mention anything from it.
Good stuff.
That's awesome. I'm glad you came on.
I like having you on here.
I'd stay all night, man.
Kyle's wrapping the show. God damn it. Wings is here, baby.
I ain't got no place to go.
No, you don't you're
probably gonna play starcraft after this starcraft absolutely well maybe if wings will come play
starcraft what do you want to talk about you know talk about the brazier dumpster fire no no i don't
want to talk about that even a little i i don't watch um it look i'm a real fair weather fan i i
i admit it right away look i don't I got no business rooting for a shitty team.
So you better go out there and play hard if you want me to clap for you.
That's how I see it.
If you want one of these, then you better go out there and hustle and win some games.
And if they're not doing that, then I just don't watch.
They haven't won a game yet.
I know they're 0-9.
0-9?
The Cards aren't doing that well this year either.
I mean, they're still positive.
They swept the Braves.
Well, yeah, but the Braves are horrible.
I think it's our coach's problem, to be honest.
I mean, the guys that we put on the field,
I think they're more than capable of winning baseball games.
I think it's the head coach's problem.
We need a fucking real –
We need a team of young Hispanic guys that play small ball.
We have young Hispanic guys.
Matter of fact, Philadelphia
is second place.
Our left fielder recently
started beating his girlfriend slash wife.
I don't know what it is.
So...
No, David Justice.
That's who it was. They got David Justice back.
No, no, no.
No, David Justice.
Slapped her around a little bit while he was with the Braves.
Three game winning streak.
So I'm like...
So I went on his little forum post.
I go, I think it's a safe bet
that he didn't do it with a baseball bat.
That's funny.
He'd have missed her, huh?
Yeah, he'd have missed her.
Because he hit like.90.
I don't know. I thought it was funny on my joke.
I like it.
Did you get banned?
What forum was that?
Are they treating you right?
We can send some.
It's talkandchop.com.
They love it.
I got all kinds of thumbs up.
Okay, that's good.
We're about to send our people to them.
If they treated you like Ford, dude.
Oh, fuck Ford. I'm still banned from that bitch.
It's been like four years.
You need to come off this shit.
I want to read about the truck launch.
You told them to burn their truck
and accept the insurance money.
Hey, hey, the man needed help.
He wasn't looking for the option
for going to the bank
and reading it.
Can you get some overtime at your
job maybe no this man living with you and collect his life insurance yes that's where i was going
you need to take some of that same old school rap scallion wings redemption behavior and apply it to
this old fogey you got living in there on the couch is he in a bed or is he on the couch burn
the old man he's he's he's on twin bed let ask you this. What's this guy eating? Is he eating your food?
He's eating...
We go out and eat all the time.
It happens when dinner time comes around.
This guy got cash to...
He gets $2,400 a month.
I don't know how much of that gangster grandma
siphoned away.
He's got his full check this month.
I think you need to tap into that money,
get that flowing in the old wings of redemption circles,
and, you know, it goes where it needs to go.
I'm not going to steal the old man's money.
And stimulate our own internal economy.
Housing this guy, you're feeding this guy,
you're transporting him all around.
Look, you're a caretaker for an old man.
He's about to buy a tank of gas.
It's about to happen.
I ain't worried about that.
For a social worker,
they'd be paying you $1,200 or $1,400 a month just to watch after this old motherfucker.
Look, first diaper you change, you better hit him up for $500 on the spot.
I'm telling you.
I had to shave him the other day.
Bullshit.
Bullshit, motherfucker.
I had to shave him.
Wait, wait.
Where did you shave him?
His face.
Why?
I was really hoping you manscaped him he got upset he got upset with
me like he goes you know i need to shave i need to go to walmart i'm like i got some shaving stuff
here i mean you shoot some of my stuff he's like well my hair is really long i can't get down i'm
like i got buzz clippers i pointed to my head like i shaved my head i got good clippers he's like
well i can't do it i'm like can you rub your face he's like yeah why can't you use the buzz clippers he's like well i can't do it i'm like can you rub your face he's like yeah why can't
you use the buzz clippers he's like i i can't do it and he didn't give me an answer why he couldn't
do it yeah even if it's a shaky hand it's not like it tears your face apart when you touch your skin
with this that's kind of how i use an electric shaver yeah i i just go to town yeah so i'm like
instead of fighting with him like all right whatever, all right, whatever. I'll do it for you.
So what does this guy look like?
How much does he weigh?
Height, weight?
He's probably like 150 pounds at most.
Like how tall?
About six foot.
He's a little waif of a guy.
I mean, like he's 70 years old.
I mean, you could punch him in the chest one time.
He'd probably die.
All right, so what happened with the TV that he pawned?
You work any way into his will?
The TV he pawned, my mother got it out of pawn,
and she ended up buying it off of him.
All right, then.
Happy ending to every story.
I fucking love it, man.
I love that you're helping these people out.
It's outrageous.
I would not.
You should not.
You should not. You should dump these people and stop.
What I'm trying to do right now is just have the house to myself again
Trying to find somebody to move in with me. That's my family
Well, you see if Drew had a stable if Drew's situation was better
I'd have him move in and just pay me like $500 a month and we'd do the training videos again.
Drew over there, I bet he knows some black ladies that he could get over there and maybe some party favorites.
He's black. He just doesn't know.
He's like David Ortiz Latin.
He's like Barry Bonds Latin is what he is.
he's like Barry Bonds Latin is what he is
I always thought it was funny
as soon as I heard that he got fired
from his job as a personal trainer I was like
he fucked a customer and sure enough
he fucked a customer
Kyle did call that
I forget my
yeah
I don't
if you were Bill Gates
and you were helping the world,
that's one thing. Bill Gates is in that position.
But your wings are motherfucking redemption.
Stop throwing yourself under the bus.
I don't do it on purpose.
I'm over here like,
well, I wonder how fuck I can get under this bus.
I'm telling you, dude, you do do it on purpose.
Woody,
is there any scenario in which an old man
ends up on your couch who is not blood relative?
No.
No.
No, right?
What if your wife invites him in?
Why?
She wouldn't.
She wouldn't.
Woody would divorce his wife because clearly she's been taken over by a pod fucking person.
He'd be like, oh, Jackie invited an old man to live here they've taken her
she's a pot person uh i know it's a it's a messed up situation i'm like i've got messages to my
mother i'm like we gotta get this dude out we gotta get him out like i don't want him here
i would send the message to him i'd be like you've got to get the fuck out keep in mind you don't
you never know like when somebody's standing over you're like are we gonna go get something neat today? I'm like what?
What maybe later? I don't know you need to go back to gangsta grandma's house
Full of blood, but where'd he go wait fucker up wake his old ass up and get him in here
I'm gonna tell him he's got a go. I'm looking that's the service we provide I swear to God if you get him on here
We will that
come on if you get it because it's
your I said that the rest and I having
to talk to him about the way to find
hard enough to invite him into his home
he's kind hearted enough he's not going
to bring him in front of the camera for
all three of us to be addicted bring the
camera to him like your fun
yeah dude I'm saying wings won won't. Wings, I will
talk sense into this. Old guy to old
guy. We speak a language.
Yeah, but like...
Hopefully he gets a place
at the beginning of next month, and this is done
with. Out of the life.
No, seriously, if we talked to him
and said, look, you know what you're doing
is wrong here, right? You can see
that you're taking advantage of his good nature
and staying in a place where you shouldn't be.
I have no desire to talk to him
because if we talk to him, it's going to go
from, you know,
us being a little pissed at him to just being
really sad. He might cry.
I don't want to do that.
What if he started crying and he was like, you know,
I'm going to say this on the low key,
but I kind of went through his stuff.
No one can hear. Go on.
And his birth certificate and his license
have different years of birth on them.
What years?
47 and 53.
Oh, shit. That ain't even close.
That's close.
It's not like it was a leap year or something.
Do you think he's assumed his brother's identity or something?
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
I have his security number.
I'm running it.
The last person who tried to mess with me, his name was Creed Bratton.
That's what's happened here.
He's assumed someone's life.
He's a...
Wings, pull the fucking...
Now he's Creed Bratton.
He's going to take your life over.
He's going to become you.
He's going to...
Two weeks from now, he's going to fucking...
You're going to be bored in the 80s.
All of a sudden there's a 70 year old man wearing your glasses and your headset.
Woah woah woah, what's up it's your boy Wings of War Addiction!
What the fuck?
You have pictures of his...
You can't even see it.
I was covering some of the numbers, but like I got his social security number. I'm running... I'm having the police run it.
I love this.
Tune in next week when we find out
that Wingslip's roommate
is an identity thief living under
an assumed name.
Might be hip for being old.
Yep, thanks for coming, Wings.
And that's a cliffhanger.
I need...
You're all pussies.
Alright. PKI episode 278. I need... You're all pussies.
Alright.
PKA episode 278.
That's 278?
278.
Good. I think I clenched the best guess for another 50 episodes.
There it is.
I don't know. Harley killed it last week.
No, he's Harley. What's he going to do? Talk about bitches he fucked?
In Duke Camp, actually. Yeah. Are we stopped or are we still going? but no he's harley what is it what's he gonna talk about he uh in juke camp actually yeah
are we stopped are we still going we're still going the isn't okay all right i'll stop i i
don't know i i think it's the g fuel i'm up till four it's not even a choice for me
it's just okay because i got work to do do. Are y'all running literally like a
two-hour, almost
six-hour painkiller already? Nah, we
started late. It's like 4.41.
Yeah, we waited for our guest for like an
hour and a half or something.
And we upgraded.
Who was the guest?
Jeremy from CinemaSense.
Oh. I had no
internet, apparently.
Yeah, he tweeted that he didn't have any internet,
so I assume he used his phone.
It kind of makes sense.
All right, I'll wrap up here.
Episode 278, Painkiller Already.
I hope you guys enjoyed it.
With wings of motherfucking redemption.