Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #279
Episode Date: April 29, 2016This week on PKA, Philip DeFranco joins in on a last minute request, saving the day and the guys talk about puberty, UFC 200 and Conor McGregor and the recent Toby Turner drama in the YouTube communit...y.
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And one more.
We have Wendy's this week.
All right.
So I tried an awesome sandwich the other day,
and I debate on even bringing it up because it was so hot.
I'm not even sure it really is for everyone.
I'm all about spicy foods. Which sandwich?
It's the
Wendy's Jalapeno Fresco Spicy
Chicken Sandwich. It's quite a mouthful, and it
was delicious. It's got Colby Jack.
Is it Fresco or Frisco?
It's Fresco.
Don't be fucking with me over here, Taylor. What are you doing?
I've never heard of a Fresco sandwich, only
Fresco. You're hearing about it right now!
That's what I'm doing!
I'm the guy who does his job. Who are you?
With cold jack cheese,
fresco jalapenos, ghost pepper sauce,
and a toasted jalapeno bun.
It's delicious. But it's really,
really hot. It really is.
I had to stop a couple times while I was eating this thing and get some more
soda. So if you really want to turn up the heat,
you can add the ghost pepper fries.
Those are absolutely ridiculous as well. They got the
same sauce in the jalapenos, but it's on Wendy's
French fries. You know, I'm up for the challenge
and I bet the listeners are too. Let's check
it out this week and talk about it on the
next week's episode. That sounds
good because the jalapeno fresco spicy
chicken sandwich is only available
for a limited time at participating Wendy's.
So check it out today.
How many do you think that you could eat
given like five minutes, Kyle?
Kyle is an eating
competition champion. I know, that's why I
asked. I want to see what he thinks he can
muscle through. Because this is spicy. That's a whole different
aspect. It is. I feel like
if there's a time period,
that's kind of hard. But if I'm allowed to
recover a little bit and go back to work, drink some water of hard. But if I'm allowed to recover a little bit
and go back to work, drink some water or something, I could definitely...
Maybe we could do it first. Like five minutes and then 25, 30 minutes later, another
five minutes.
No!
And just to see how many you could get.
I think I could definitely do at least three. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it's
got a ton of this spicy sauce. Maybe if I took some antacids beforehand. I could definitely get four down if I really wanted to.
Five's a stretch though, it's a big sandwich. Is that a single patty?
Yeah, yeah, it's one piece of chicken. Then I bet you could take on at least four or five of those
once you got motivated. I don't know.
Only one way to find out. So I don't know what happened to Phil though though. But our guest this week is, of course, Philip DeFranco.
Always like having him on.
We'll get his technical issues worked out here in a minute.
He wrote in the chat, my audio just went out one sec,
and they suggested he unplug and re-plug the earbuds.
I think he's furiously working to get back.
But I'm super psyched to have Phil.
I wish he was here to tell me.
So lots of stuff.
So there's lots of stuff in the news today.
I don't want to jump into politics first.
I think everybody would hate that.
Prince died, but I don't care about Prince.
Prince, I really liked Purple Rain.
Great song.
Really powerful, right?
But I don't care about Prince.
From what I understand, he's a weird dude and kind of a jerk.
Made lots of enemies everywhere he went.
I thought he was already dead, honestly.
I got confused with someone else who died.
I care greatly about dead celebrities, and I find all of your comments to be offensive.
I care greatly about dead celebrities, and I find all of your comments to be offensive.
You know who I do care about, and they're not even dead yet, is Ben Stiller's dad.
I can't think of his name, but I saw a picture of him today.
Me too!
The Seinfeld guy.
Seinfeld guy.
George Costanza's dad.
Of course, George Costanza's dad.
Jerry, thank you, Chiz, our dedicated fact checker in the background.
Jerry Stiller is looking a thousand years old.
They showed a before and after of him.
What was his co-star in King of Queens,
that terrible actor, Kevin James?
They showed him and Kevin James when they were doing King of Queens,
and then they showed a picture of them together today.
Kevin James looks like Kevin James.
He really hasn't changed that much.
He's just a little bigger.
Jerry Stiller looks rough, man.
I just looked it up. He's 88
years old.
He's looking sharp for 88.
That's where I was headed. I was like, at 88, I don't
feel like...
Dude, I want to say, a lot of people at 88
look frail.
They look overly weak. This guy just
has a real case of the old.
He looks frail.
He looks very frail.
If I got fell down two steps, he'd get back up.
Alright, picture. Find the picture.
I think everyone wants to see the picture.
Yeah, I just looked up some pictures.
That seems like a Chiz job. I'm drinking coffee.
Yeah, we need Jerry Stiller, recent pics.
Rob, put that information down for me. I'll need Jerry Stiller. Recent picks.
Rob, put that information down for me.
I'll do Jerry Stiller 2016.
Oh, wait.
Jerry Stiller and maybe find him with...
What was his name?
Something James?
King James?
Kevin James.
Kevin, that's...
He doesn't look like knocking on death's door old,
but he also, like, if you were to check Twitter right now
and it was Jerry Stiller, RIPI.P., you wouldn't be shocked.
88's old.
Here you go. Yeah, Jesus Christ.
I found the exact one. Maybe you already pasted it.
Okay.
Hopefully this doesn't
ruin anything. The second one
puts him next to a healthy-looking
Kevin James.
A little too healthy.
A little too healthy, yeah.
Join life, you know, let him have it.
I feel like
if you're in that role where you're like
an overweight celebrity
and it's accepted, that's a pretty
cool role to be in as long as you're comfortable
with that, as long as that's you.
Mo from the Three Stooges, that
wasn't him. He didn't want to be a bald
fat man. It's just what was funny on screen.
It's what made him his fortune.
But in reality,
he's a good-looking guy with a full head of hair
who's athletic and kind of,
in a real ladies' man,
some would say a womanizer.
So it really, like, destroyed his life,
him having to physically be this ugly, fat, bald guy
when he is the antithesis of thatithesis antithesis of that it's that's a hard one of that
life uh so yeah i think kevin james has it made because he's perennially perennial
perennially you spent all of your words on the ad reads
what happened was this i haven't felt good today I felt really, I had a lot of lower back pain.
Yeah, mostly, but I fell asleep around like 7.30, 8 o'clock,
and no one woke me up until 8.59 p.m. on the dot,
and we start here at 9.
So I just rolled out of bed.
That's when I got my coffee.
I'm feeling very inarticulate.
Fusame.
So your back hurts?
Yeah, my lower back.
My lower back hurts a lot. My girlfriend told me
it was because it was going to rain. I was like, Jesus,
I'm going to be 30, not 80.
There's something about back pain.
If my ankle hurts
because I rolled it, that's
the kind of injury I got at 16.
If I see
a cast on somebody's ankle
or wrist, I think
sports, right?
I don't know. Most of the
injuries that people could have, I
associate with physical activity
and robustness, except lower back.
If your lower back hurts,
to me, and obviously
this doesn't fit Kyle, but it's like,
you got yourself a pot belly.
Problem with your back is your front, bitch.
You know, work that out.
And if my back ever hurts, it's just very much an old man injury.
Maybe if you're like an accountant or something like that, but if you're a manual laborer or something,
even if you are one of those like fat construction workers, like got a little bit too much heft,
but it's not that fat that pushes in
like Play-Doh. It's that fat that's weirdly
hard. It depends what kind of
lifestyle you have. I feel like a lot of
the people who have chronic
illnesses, what they
really need is a little more physical fitness
and to lose some weight.
My dad, he's
got a ruptured disc in his back, and he has a surgery
upcoming, but leading up to it, he's dropped maybe 15 pounds, and he's already feeling better. I was like, yeah, uh... my dad a easy easy skis got a rupture disc is back and has a surgery upcoming
but leading up to it he's dropped maybe fifteen pounds is already feeling better
and i was like yeah
that was a big part of it right there
so i i feel like that applies to a lot of things and and not necessarily being
overweight with me but maybe like
and he developed some more like lower back straight maybe i beginning to
target that make it stronger because just just fucking aches all day long.
Can you hear us okay now?
Yeah, I can hear you. I don't know what happened.
That was weird.
Well, I appreciate you coming back.
I appreciate you being on the show.
It means more to me than you might guess.
He was short notice. He said yes.
And he is an international
superstar and most of them
wouldn't say yes like that.
Wait, are we already recording if you called me an international superstar?
Oh, yeah.
They're going to know.
You are, though.
You must have.
How many billions of views do you have now?
You know what?
I think on the main channel or the main plus, like, the part-time second one,
two billion.
Two billion views.
Like, I wonder how that compares to like Lord
of the Rings the Superman reboot you know like oh you kill that yeah kill
right for man reboot dude that was a good money and that guy is
internationally famous and I think he has 1 8th the exposure that filled us
yeah you could say that but it's a whole different thing like how many how many
views did sad Ben Affleck get?
Because that's more my realm.
I watched it.
At least that's a YouTube video.
Quite a few.
Let's see.
I just feel like I could look at, I don't know, think of some well-known movie.
I bet, how many views do you have?
Harry Potter.
Okay, yeah.
Grab a particular Harry Potter, and I bet it doesn't have 2 billion views.
How about a Game of Thrones?
How many views does that have?
You have a lot.
I don't know.
If you were to go back and count re-watching of Game of Thrones episodes and you re-tally everything, I think you'd see.
I mean, I've watched them all three or four times.
That's already in the thousands.
Can you guys still hear me?
Yes.
Oh, no, you can't hear us again.
He's looking at us like he can't...
Oh, we lost him.
Yeah.
Lost.
Is that him?
Hmm.
Yes, it is.
Most international superstars do have better audio.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah, that's the biggest problem on the Superman movie.
International.
I don't know.
Maybe if you count the Soviet block, I mean.
Right?
I just, I.
Oh, we had, so we had a different internet company come today and trench a line.
So they're putting in a line.
I think they said it would be done.
They gave us an exact date.
I think it's the 26th of this month.
So we're just kind of waiting on that.
I don't expect much out of it.
It is supposed to be quite a bit faster than what I've got now.
However, the particular internet provider that we're not switching.
We're just adding a whole new line from a whole new company.
And they're currently in a class action lawsuit in my state,
forget this, promising to provide speeds that they cannot.
So in my head, I'm just like, this isn't going to work.
I know it's not going to work.
One of the guys out there trenching the line, I'm like,
you know this isn't going to work.
I'm telling him.
I've got my own theory on that.
I bet it's DSL or ADSL that you're having installed.
Like, that's the tech.
And when you use that, like, amongst tech people,
it's just known that the speeds you get are about 80% of the advertised speeds,
maybe 85.
So whatever it is they're advertising, use that and estimate.
Well, I think in these people's case like there was a
real issue like like they're currently paying out on a class action lawsuit like they just got
fucked over legally because they were way off like i think they were promising 20 and given
three in some cases or and stuff like that like they were they were being shitty so um it's it's
it's much cheaper than the current plans i have currently got the two lines and so we're adding this third and third we'll see see I wear a lot of direction I used to have two lines but um they
up solidly into one mighty line well they updated the speed I was like do I
really need dual 300 by 30 lines like what the fuck am I doing where I need
600 megabits of download because the man with enough equipment to open up Green Acres over there.
I just didn't need it.
Pretty much the, Time Warner, the CEO, was like,
I just don't see the demand for Gigabit.
And everyone's like, yeah, I want Gigabit,
I want it, I want it, and I want it too.
I really want Gigabit, I can't wait for it.
But even with 300 down, i can see that 99 of the
time i'm not the weak link like gigabit wouldn't be any better you could have multiple people in
your house watching 4k streams and another guy over there fucking online gaming and it should
go off without a hiccup so a 4k stream is 25 minimum 25 to 40 right but even at 40 i can have like eight people watching
them here simultaneously already i'd have to get all the neighbors and then tell them not to watch
the same thing yeah it's great it's um it's it's light years better than what i have which is
shocking it's it's like i feel like if i had that internet i could just fucking set up a wi-fi
and literally all my neighbors that live back over there could just hook on, and they'd be like, oh, shit.
There'd be dozens of us on it, and it would be light years faster.
It's so bad here.
It's just very upsetting, very upsetting.
There's nothing you can do about it.
I love a lot about where you live and the lifestyle that it lets you have, But it's almost like having poor electricity.
Yeah, it is.
And just to be clear to the audience at large,
nationally and globally, I suppose,
because we're kind of international superstars in our own right.
I didn't want to say anything.
So it's not just when he says my area,
it's literally like my neighborhood.
If you go, there's plenty of places within like a couple miles in any direction that have either fiber with, you know, 100 meg or they have actual decent Comcast.
I mean, Comcast is the good guys around here.
Actual good Comcast, you can get 50 meg or something like that.
It's just my particular little avenue of the world hasn't been gotten to yet for whatever reason.
Phil is back, sporting some sort of
white power look this time.
I don't know, man.
We're just gonna
salute you. I was using
this bad boy, which apparently has a better webcam.
I don't know, I guess the audio driver.
Yeah, the audio driver just kept dropping so what are
you using now my razor well so that's the so this is the stealth now I'm using
my old razor blade okay so hopefully as a runner just go back well yeah so I'm
such a I have my regular Mac but the one I ended up putting
my backpack is one that I'm doing a review video on, which is this stupid fucking new
MacBook.
You don't like it?
I like it for basic stuff, but I don't have my adapter so that I can plug in other
stuff like it's a regular laptop.
So, are you sponsored by Apple?
No.
Oh, you're not.
It's just, I just wanted to do like a review between that and the stealth
Got you. I don't even know the stealth is that's the new PC. It's a yeah, it's like
Yeah, it's one of the it's like a super thin razor model
And it's got it's all meant so that you can plug it into the razor core
Which is that that whole external desktop graphics card?
it into the Razer Core, which is that whole external desktop
graphics card.
Gotcha.
Is that like the NVIDIA
Shield thing?
What do you mean?
Doesn't NVIDIA have a thing like that?
It's different.
So, well,
did I kill it? I said different and everyone just
like, oh, there's a conversation stopper.
Thanks, Woody.
I don't know enough about these computer things to pipe in.
I'm going to be like, oh, does it stream videos real good?
You heartless bastards were bashing on Prince.
No, it can't play AOM because it's a Mac.
Useless.
We were talking about Prince
poor Prince died
I brought up Prince to say that Prince isn't even a good topic
because I didn't like Prince
I feel like Prince wasn't a good guy from everything I've read
you know he did that stupid concert
not that long ago where he turned the lights off
you came and paid for a concert
but you didn't get to see Prince you just got to listen to Prince
it was like shit I could have pressed play somewhere
I wanted to see the
dude do it I don't know I I mourned the guy he's dead or whatever you know that
I don't like that ever but you know I don't care about Prince you say that you
mourn him you mourn I'm more impressed that today I you know I poured a little
out for him today as a little for me, a little for Prince. You know? I'm sure you did that. Yeah.
I did too. I dropped a milk on the ground
and a cookie, you know? Yeah, one for my
homies, one for Prince, one for me.
I just, I don't think
Prince was, Prince never appealed to me.
I don't, I know Purple Rain.
Purple Rain's great, but I couldn't name
another one of his songs, unfortunately. Party like it's 1999?
That
wouldn't really make sense for someone in
my age bracket i was like 13 so like that means like kool-aid and like ice cream cake yeah pokemon
yeah it was a well-known song um yeah i don't know i found prince more interesting post-stardom
right because he somehow lived a life life where even all of his personal relationships
were strictly on his terms.
He would invite people that
cared about him over and have them
sitting in waiting rooms where he may or may not show.
Yeah, but he's worth
hundreds of millions of dollars.
It's not just Prince that can do that.
Anyone can do that. You think Paris Hilton's
friends really like her and are like,
man, what a poignant thing she was talking about earlier.
She had a lot of really deep points on the current economic situation.
Big ideas.
Yeah, they're just like, oh, you know how her last name is Hilton?
You know that hotel that you see every 60 miles across the entire world?
Yeah, I'm going to hitch my wagon to this train.
Absolutely.
I'd pretend to be her friend.
Dude, Phil, do you find...
Oh Kyle, do you want to go? No, I'm saying I'll pretend to be her friend too. I would sell that shit.
She would be like,
we're like soulmates. He's the male first in FG.
I'd have a little dog in a purse. You'd see me thinking, what is he up to
secretly? She's paying me like 800 grand a week just to be her buddy.
My little purse and little dog in it. When I uploaded gaming...
It's easier to do it with her than that guy Notch
who we were talking about with a billion
dollars and just can't... Not a
fun bone in his body. Spent it all on
Minecraft. He's depressed.
When I uploaded gaming videos every day,
even I felt like I had to be
on the lookout for hangers on. Right every guy who uploaded like two videos and then
quit YouTube was trying to find a way to latch on to me or at least I was
sensitive to it you guys must have felt the same way of course ran into that a
few times yeah yeah that happens you know and you see it not only from guys
but from girls it's it's just and it's girls. It doesn't just apply to stupid internet entrepreneurs.
It applies to anyone and everyone in every facet of life who's excelling.
You always want to hitch your wagon to something else.
I mean, whether it's a person or an idea or –
Look at Hillary Clinton.
Yeah, there you go.
Lots of mindless drones just hitching their wagon to insanity.
We were going to say politics for deep in the show.
I don't want any politics talk. I'm okay with it.
Trump's going to win. It's clear there's no way he doesn't.
Hillary's going to win. There's no way that she doesn't.
And you can talk about all the other possibilities, but I don't want to.
It's just pontification. It's worthless bullshit talk.
If you really want the facts, you can look up the math online.
You can see he's going to win. You can see the party
is falling into place. They're starting to come
along to the Trump train or whatever
you want to call it. And then on the Bernie side,
he's just eliminated. Unless he gets indicted,
then Bernie's not going to get in there.
No free lunch.
I feel like any
response to that would just invoke a conversation.
But I also feel like you're not far off.
And interesting stuff was happening three months ago.
Like every week there were like five more states that voted, another debate, a new topic.
You know, Ben Carson's book is getting him or whatever.
Now I feel like it's been status unchanged for a month.
So maybe we just don't cover it too much.
Yeah, it's played out until we get to the convention.
Nobody, like, I don't know,
there's never a good response to discussions
or topics, I guess, as
divisive as this, because nobody's
ever, it doesn't seem like any comments are ever like,
well, that was, you know, a measured statement
or, oh, that was crazy.
It's all immediately just to the top of just, fuck you, and this is crazy, and this is why Bernie's the best.
Or Trump's actually the best. He's not just a joke.
Do you think people being so stubborn about their position is a modern thing or is that just a human thing?
Because I feel like I could never change or sway your position
on most of these political ideas, Taylor.
I don't think you could.
And you'd have a hard time with me, I think.
It's rare that my mind gets changed.
It takes a long time of just, you know, I'll see it.
I'll see that thing that I disagree with,
but it seems that there's evidence to back it up,
and I'm like, I'm going to need a little more evidence.
Yeah, I think that's human nature.
I think it's always probably been like that.
It was probably harder in the past or even it's worse
now because people have the internet and you can go
to any agenda driven site for any
point of view and they will give you stats
that will benefit you and if you're
like super like a white supremacist, you're not
going to care that you're quoting stats from like
whiterights.net or
something. You just want your thing to latch onto, you know?
Like, back in the day, if someone really educated with the church
told you something, like, you couldn't just go out
and grab the Bible and start reading.
You kind of had to be like, well, you know, this guy's got a lot of money
and he's wearing a lot of gold.
I trust him.
God trusts him.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, God trusts him.
I trust him.
Yeah, reading and writing coming along to the masses definitely helped.
But arithmetic, three R's.
But I don't know.
I feel like, if I'm being honest, I think I am more open now,
and I am more willing to hear those other thoughts.
I looked a lot into the Bernie Sanders stuff,
because he had so many passionate fans.
I was like, hey, they've got an idea here.
They think this thing is resonating with them.
Maybe there's something to it.
And I looked into it and I just didn't,
I found that it just wasn't really for me.
We're on to politics talk a little bit.
I am, are they flowers?
What do you got?
Red lobster biscuits.
They are top notch.
I am, Bernie Sanders is doing really,
really well with young people.
Like extraordinary well, even better than Obama,
I think, with young people. Like, extraordinarily well. Even better than Obama, I think, with young people.
And then...
Really?
I made that part up, but I'm not 100% sure.
But I know that his base is super young people.
And they're just enthusiastic young phone bankers, etc.
And I only recently put together, like,
the people that love Bernie haven't really paid taxes yet.
Like, of course they do.
They're the taker.
They're very much in a taker and not a maker stage of their life.
They're either, like, college students or just very early in their careers.
And they're not taxpayers.
They're dependents like Chiz.
So, like, they might have a different feeling about it if, you know, they got a couple years of paychecks in.
I know what you're like.
I can sense you're trying so hard to articulate that through that minefield to make it not harsh and, like, those people who are that adamant about it take offense.
But I really don't think't think like for that specific point
there is any way at all to say it that won't upset people because all all that it will get
in response is like even if you're right all that it calls out is someone will be like
uh you know oh well i'm actually i actually make 600 grand a year and i'm in favor of sand and it's
just it'll totally go to anecdotal nonsense of stories of people's like that's the way it always
goes like there's no way to get deep into it because everybody pulls up an
anecdote because they want their own,
I don't know.
Everybody does it.
Have you seen the hydraulic press channel?
We can't hear you at all.
Phil has clearly seen the hydraulic press channel.
He has.
As we all have.
And if you listened to us last week
we kind of keep this idea that was basically no offense to the hydraulic
press channel guy but it's really about the press it's about you and our I don't
know if it's about the hydraulic press channel guy so much it is about the
president crazy to say I think he would agree with you so our idea was let's
just get a bigger fucking press
like what is this guy got a hundred ton press we'll make it a 200 ton press or whatever and
we looked into it and it wasn't even that expensive and we were just about ready to
pull the trigger on this thing and get like 150 pound ton press but then we found out that
apparently he's getting like a 1000 ton press or something like that he's gonna be crushing
shit with two million pounds getting is a bit of a spectrum press or something like that. He's going to be crushing shit with 2 million pounds.
Getting is a bit of a spectrum there.
Like, he has plans to someday
acquire if he can get someone else to pay
for it for him.
Are you serious?
He's like going to start a GoFundMe
or something.
Oh.
Oh, well that's really stupid.
Well, if that's the case, we should beat him to the punch.
Start our own GoFundMe where we put in more money than him.
You know, he says, I need 100 grand for my press.
We say, we're throwing in the first 10.
You give us 90.
You got that same press.
You got three people who speak perfect English.
Fucking Americans, for Christ's sake.
Of course we'll beat him.
You got creativity behind it with someone like Kyle.
Dude.
You know, Kyle's not going to be some slouch with it. He'll be thinking of creativity behind it with someone like kyle dude you know kyle's not
gonna be some slouch or that he'll be thinking of something new to crush every day he crushed um
so you know the the snap guns the toys where there's like a little six shooter revolver
cap gun cap gun he crushed that and a tiny little co2 cartridge today and they're like oh he's
stepping his game up into interesting reactive things
motherfucker he's still a child right that's one step away from the rubber ducky he smushed
totally uninteresting you know that was so on it like i could step on a rubber ducky and get most
of that like i you can't step on it hard enough to like bust a hole in the top of its head but
like you get the basic gist. I can't imagine something
less cool than that duck,
actually, because it was the only thing that wasn't
terribly warped by the press. It actually
returned mainly to its original
shape. Not very exciting. This guy
has so much opportunity.
I think we're trying to work out Phil's
tech issue. Let's restart the call.
I think that'll fix everything as
he's switching. Whenever he's on his other computer and it's clear that he's trying the call i think that'll fix everything as he's switching like whenever
he's on his other computer and it's clear that he's trying to like call in or whatever let's
let's x the call have shiz make a new one real quick and go okay we'll try the computer and
try it's not gonna help because because when you like okay through the through the nature of the
issue that we have with skype is you have to add us one by one by one so it doesn't technically
become a group call in skype's mind and we get all that bullshit.
That's what's going on.
No, I'm not denying you. I'm just
shaking my head at Skype.
It sounds absurd.
But now that he's left
and then he's coming back in, that's going to ruin it.
It changes what it is in Skype's
warped
awful, awful application mind.
It's a shame.
Skype used to be so dependable.
I thought of it as the Uber video conferencing website.
I didn't even think there would be...
Well...
So here we are in the Woody show waiting for things to start.
You know, while we're putting the call back together, I promised Gamma I would mention their promotion.
40% off, coupon code Woody. They're giving away an iPad and a year's supply of G Fuel.
You can go to my Friday vlog to get more details.
That's it.
Year's supply of G Fuel.
A free iPad.
40% off.
Learn all about it in my Friday vlog.
I thought it would take longer to reassemble this.
But here we are.
I was looking at your day in the life video.
The one where you put the lighting in the shop.
Yeah.
That shop's, like, ridiculous at this point, by the way.
Like, it's like a fucking, it's a legit, like, workshop or something.
It'll be good.
You've got a lot of grass-killing power in there.
Some might say bordering on too much.
I won't cast judgment.
I mean, you could always become a landscaper
this is what it takes for Woody to become a professional
landscaper he gets in the truck one day
and starts
he hires three illegal immigrants and he has his
whole team he could take care of the whole
neighborhood like the tri-county area
he has enough lawnmowers for that
he could cut football fields he could cut
like small yards he's got it all he's got like eight lawnmowers or something now yeah woody's lawn and fencing the lot who's driving
the dixie chopper now like when the family goes out to cut the grass who's on the dixie chopper
so we don't have a dixie chopper we have a john deere and a bad boy okay um oh the bad boy that's
what i'm talking about okay so the bad boy is that the bad boy it's the orange 72 inch uh zero turn mower
and that's hopes his daughter drives a lawnmower that is in a class
on into its own itself it's a badass motherfucking lawnmower i love that you have fun driving it
around or what she's kind of like oh thanks, thanks, dad. Thanks for the $3,000 lawnmower, dad.
Okay, $8,000.
I'm just kidding.
You thought I was kidding?
She got a legit fucking lawnmower.
You could have bought her like a 2006 Honda Accord with that.
It is powered with a diesel caterpillar motor.
It's a diesel caterpillar motor that drives that thing
yeah so is that that two-handed thing yeah yeah yeah and when i lived in north carolina i had a
i had a stepdad that uh was cheap he had the money didn't get it he had this shitty push mower and i
had to do like he had acres of land that was hilly and i had to do this push mower thing and both
neighbors had those awesome like two-handed oh i hated i had to try and mow a lawn once with
you know those ones like super old time where it's just blades on a spool and it goes like
cartoon characters lawnmower okay i had it like it wasn't like I was being assigned. It was like I was so, so young.
And it was at my grandparents.
They're like, oh, you can take it for a whirl, see if you can cut some grass.
I swear to God, this thing had not been sharpened since, like, I don't know,
Hoover was in office.
And so, like, you get three feet into it, and it's just totally tied up in grass
and useless.
That's a step above, like, Billy Bob Thornton's with a scythe.
Sling blade. Yeah, a step above Billy Bob Thornton with a scythe. Sling Blade.
Long time viewers know this deal.
I call it a Sling Blade.
I call it a Codger Blade.
What happened?
I hate that.
I don't know if anyone has ever
disliked
any of the accents as much
as I do that one.
I don't know. I hate it so much.
I don't know.
Taylor really hates my voice.
My baby, come here.
Hi, young boy.
Welcome back.
I love you.
I love the voices for all of his dogs.
And I really, it bothers me so much.
It's not even a put on as a joke for a bit.
It really irritates all of them but one.
There's one dog I don't mind.
The rest of them I can fuck off.
I hate them.
Do you like the silly dog?
No, I hate that one because it sounds like you're about to swallow your tongue.
Do you like the one that's like,
No, that's his tongue problem again.
I've been fighting the wizards outside.
The wizards of lizards.
Yeah, she fights lizards all fucking day long.
She's a little weenie dog.
Of course she's got a tongue issue.
Dogs don't have lips, they have jowls.
You can't enunciate well.
You gotta keep that in mind.
I could listen to his dog accent all day,
but the fucking moment Sling Blade comes up...
I love his Sling Blade voice.
What y'all got in there, it's good to eat.
All I remember is...
Yeah, that's the only one I remember.
That part. that's it
now i love that movie that's one of my that's got to be in like my top 25 movies of all time
that that's one of my favorites right there i don't have any super sad movies in my top
probably 10 oh it makes me cry so much i i it really does that's a sick one. Because you have the slow, basic guy that even he knows bad is bad.
You feel upset after you've seen bad Santa, and then you go back and you go,
oh, he's not really retarded.
Like, it's fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
I agree with that.
You know, the first time I watched Sling Blade, I didn't know it was Billy Bob Thorne.
It doesn't even look like him.
But the part that makes me sad, I've said it before, but just for you,
they're sitting on stumps with each other by this little pond in the forest or something like that,
and Carl is telling the boy about how his father basically had him bury his prematurely born brother alive,
and the boy's telling him about how he loved his daddy and how everything was great,
but then his daddy lost his job and couldn't provide for them and killed himself.
And they just had this moment where he's like kind of want to put
my arm around you and the boy's like all right then and he's like i love you boy and he's like
i love you too carl and it's just like just tears pouring i'm just like i love you too
like i i want to be there and like the third guy and put my arm around him and be like,
it's going to be okay, guys. We're going to get you some housing.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
The Fast and Furious kid?
Yeah, the Fast and Furious kid. He was also in the X-Files movie.
He's got a terrible set of X's.
I don't give a fuck about sad movies.
Victory. Victory will get to me.
But the sad shit? I don't get time for your bullshit.
I need a good sad movie.
Ghost. We watched Ghost the other night. Very sad we were crying uh at the end of that i was trying to hold it together
but a couple were slipping out like as patrick swayze is dancing with the me more than and and
they're both crying and everything i'm crying too i mean i don't know about you guys when was the
last time you had like a good cry like like the like that right when you dropped and right before woody called me back
you know what i hate i hate that between the first drop and the second literally i had no
idea that you guys had started recording like i had no idea i was like why are you why are you
kind of talking at me with like a little more enthusiasm than before you weren't here when we
did no oh shit you didn't hear all that yeah there was like a there was like two minutes a little more enthusiasm than before. You weren't here when we did the ad read? A little more enthusiasm.
Oh, shit.
You didn't hear all that?
Yeah, there was like two minutes there
where we were talking about winning.
Yeah, we were just doing it.
Until I heard how much you missed,
I'm like, how can he not know we started?
You think casually we just did like three minutes of ad read?
Try to do better than this.
It's fucking Skype.
It's fucking Skype making us look like amateur hour over here. It's not our fault, goddammit. We try to do better than this. It's fucking Skype. It's fucking Skype making us look like amateur hour over here.
It's not our fault, goddammit. We try hard.
Yeah, that's what really makes me cry.
We really do. We get in here sometimes and we'll be in here for like an hour and a half, me and Chiz or Woody or whoever,
just tinkering with Skype and trying to figure out what magic formula makes Skype work these days.
Because it seems like if you just try to do a big group call, like if Woody just pressed the button and tried to call us all, it's got lots of issues.
The thing with Skype
is you figure out all the
settings and it works perfectly
for like three weeks and then just
out of the fucking boo
it just stops working
and nothing's changed.
All of Skype has changed and you have to go back to square one.
This didn't happen a year, year and a half ago.
This is relatively recent. It's fucking stuck.
It seems like Google Hangouts would have been the better
option except for the fact that when it does switch
to another person, they start as low res for a second.
The other issue is...
We've had other problems with them.
See, with here, everyone is on an equal share.
With Google Hangouts,
someone has the main screen.
And sometimes
that's good and sometimes
that's bad like if you were to get into story hour and like like all right you
know that clearly he'll be talking for the next six minutes I put you on the
main screen and it's better but sometimes it's bad and I don't know
maybe Google Hangouts to be better the video is better on this the audio is
better but what he wins the last time he had a good cry.
I want to know.
So a good cry? See, not the kind
you're talking about. I definitely shed a tear.
I just mean that you get it out. That's what I mean.
Yeah, no, no, no.
Like a cathartic cry.
I hate that. I try to keep it in.
Things have got to get really rough before I let it out.
When the good guy wins in a movie,
I'll shed a tear.
That's when they get me.
And it can be all kind of movies, right?
It can be Up.
It can be, what was that movie with all the emotions and the girl that played ice hockey?
Pixar?
Oh, I never saw that one.
Inside Out.
Up made me cry.
Those movies just, they make me feel stupid, though,
because I'm just like, that's why we need sadness,
and I'm just like in tears.
So we can appreciate the good times.
Yeah, there's just like 85% children.
I'm a grown man.
That isn't a matinee.
I didn't like that first scene to Up.
Like, I like it now because I know what to expect.
It is, it's not, it doesn't get you to cry
because of it's so intrinsically sad.
You get fucking blindsided by that movie.
It comes in and it goes, hey, you think you're watching a movie about a house with a couple of balloons, don't you?
That's all you've seen.
No, it's a story about this old man's sad-ass life and how nothing he really wanted ever came true.
And in the end, it's all worthless.
But now he has to live vicariously through this fat Down Syndrome boy who ended up on his doorstep.
It was so sad.
The beginning of that, and I'm sure
most of us have probably seen the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
episode where they mock
that animation a little bit. It's when the gang all has their
fantasy about how to deal with the armed robber situation.
And, of course, Charlie's fantasy
is animated, and it's a bit of
an up scenario, because, you know, Charlie's
some sort of child-minded sociopath
who's up for skinning leprechauns in his basement.
I don't know.
I really like that episode.
But up definitely made me cry.
I'll never watch up again because of that.
That's so sad.
I'll never watch it again.
I never want those feelings again
because we're all probably going to deal with that. We're all going to get old and the person we love most is probably going to die
or we're going to do that to them and so so it's it's such a real uh scary thing like like i watch
ghost and i'm like i know i'm probably never going to get betrayed by my friend come back as a ghost
and have to work it all out so we get four million dollars to through you know whoopi goldberg's not
going to come in and help me or anything.
That shit ain't happening.
It's sad because it's a sad story.
But Up was sad because it's like, yeah, this is coming.
This is coming.
Yeah, but Up also has that benefit.
Like I said, it tricks you.
Green Mile, it doesn't just slam sadness in your face out of nowhere.
There's buildup.
Yeah, they turned the sad hose on at the beginning,
and it just slowly drips into the end. You just can't
get any more air. You're just like, wow, they're really
going to kill this man. They're really going to
kill him. I don't know
how I feel about sad movies. Netflix has a
category called tearjerkers and I get in there
every now and then and watch a few. You know what my favorite
category is? I saw this
I think for the first time like a
year ago and I don't know why it keeps popping up. It's
British dramas featuring a strong female protagonist.
Because apparently there's just a litany of those.
Lots of Judi Dench stuff, huh?
I don't know who that is.
Yeah, I never watched anything from there,
and so I don't know why it pops up.
I do not know who Judi Dench is.
She's from the James Bond movies.
She's M, I think.
You know, like James Bond's, like the boss at NMI6.
Ah. The old lady.
She's going blind now. She can't read her scripts.
Kitty's mother
used to work on set with her, and she said they'd look
and she was like crocheting like a pillow,
and they looked and it just said cunt.
She was crocheting the word
cunt.
Well, then, yeah, that's independent, I guess.
Taylor.
No, she's not.
The Blues look in, like, some trouble.
They're only three games away from getting knocked out of the playoffs.
They're playing right now.
The Conductors, eh?
How are the Conduors doing right now?
So we get on every night and play Age of Mythology, Taylor and I.
So I always get an update on how the Kansas City conductors are doing.
Phillip, so I know so little about hockey that last week they showed me the bracket
with just the emblems for each team, their mascot symbol or whatever you want to call
it.
And I had to figure out what those teams were called.
So when I saw the blues, it's a music note,
I was like, ah, the Kansas City Conductors, yes.
They will fare well in this season.
Against the Indians.
Against the Indians, yeah, the Blackfeet of Wichita.
Two Kansas City teams facing it off.
I was just making it up as I went along.
So I've been getting some updates on this.
It seems that the Philadelphia Flyers,
I think I got their name right the first week,
they've just been making a real ass of themselves
and humiliating themselves.
Much like the Blackhawks,
they are a mere three wins from knocking their opponent out of the series.
I see.
Just like them, they're one
loss away from being out.
You know what? I don't like
the way you use the negative.
I don't like the way that you just paint it
like it's a total loss.
All they need is three quick wins, and
they're going to
knock them out, just like the Blackhawks.
It's not going to happen for Philly.
I would be... I want to see it happen a little bit, just because that'd beawks. That's possible. It's not going to happen for Philly. I would be...
I want to see it happen a little bit, just
because that'd be a huge upset, but my god,
there's no fucking way. There is no
way Philly comes back.
Oh, I want to put this out there, and I won't spend too much time on it,
but any fans who want to play Age of Mythology
or any other Steam games with us, it's OFPSKyle
and what's your handle?
TaylorMurka. Yeah. I think that my friends list
is full already.
I need to level up my Steam account. I think that my friends list is full already. I need to
level up my Steam account.
I delete all those Counter-Strike Source players and all
those guys. They're getting deleted off and all you
RTS players are getting added on.
That's a good call.
How long does a match like
that last?
So 30 minutes to an hour.
An hour is if we're playing a custom map
where I've designed it to kind of drag things out.
They told me 15 when they tried to get me to play with them.
That's what a 1v1 takes.
Like, if me and you play, it's going to be like a...
And that's what we do at first, so it can kind of walk you through the mechanics of the game.
But what Taylor and I do, because we're so fucking good, is that we play two of us versus three or four opponents.
So I've made all these custom maps that allow you to do that more easily.
If you do a big spread out map, you can't fend them off,
but if you add choke points that have to be controlled,
we can do it pretty easily. It's getting harder
and harder to have fun, because the first couple
weeks, we were just, it was like, oh, you guys want to
do 2v5? 2v6? Fuck it,
hop in! Because everybody was new to this game
and we were just running train on them.
Like, nobody, I can't imagine they were having
fun. And now, everybody's gotten so much better.
2v3, we're having a hard time.
They're figuring it out.
We still go over to their side of the base
and there's just deer and animals that you can hunt,
which you have to do to play well,
just littered on their side of the map.
All pacifists and vegetarians.
Their game definitely hasn't gone from a C-level game to a B-level game completely yet.
But they're getting confident enough that we have to kind of play our A game because there's three or four of them at this point.
But I'm really enjoying that game.
I think it was one that Taylor played in his childhood, and I started playing just because I wanted to play some games with the guys.
And I've really fallen in love with it and gotten a little bit obsessed with it
to the point where I'm watching YouTube videos and practicing.
But it's been a lot of fun.
Do you like RTS-style games, Phil?
No, horrible at them. Horrible at them.
I need something that I can play for five minutes or I can play for five hours,
and for me that's either a Rocket League or a UFC 2.
I need something kind of basic like that.
It's either one-on-one or I'm part of a small team.
How do mechanics work in UFC 2?
It's really fun.
The ground game is, I think, the big key.
If you learn how to do that, you can usually beat most people.
It seems like there's a hundred things to do in fighting
and seven controls like i don't understand how they break well yeah so i mean it's you have to
think of it as like different modes so there's the stand-up game right and so all your buttons
are going to either like x y are punches the other ones feet then all the other buttons
like left trigger those are modifiers so then all of those send it to the stomach then you could hit
lb that modifies it into like a special move and then that's just the stand-up game then there's
clinch then there's clinch against cage uh wrestling on the ground so it's it the learning
curve is a bit rough but right right now, knees are OP.
So as long as you know how to handle the Muay Thai clinch,
you can just run over people.
Are you good enough that you can hop online
and just start beating people pretty consistently?
Yeah, but what I did, I did kind of the same thing.
I jumped online, got my ass kicked, but I loved the game.
And so then I went and I looked at YouTube videos.
It's amazing how many amazing tutorials
only have 2,000 views.
People that have great production value,
really good stuff, know how to play,
know how to get top tier.
No one's watching, and so I did that.
That's not true with Age of Mythology, by the way.
Well, yeah.
Well, I didn't realize how big...
It wasn't until Reddit where I went to specific subreddits for games
that I realized how good people can get.
Civ V was fun until I went to that subreddit,
and I was like, oh, there's no point.
I should never play Civ.
Do you know our little...
Like, me and Chiz's history with Civ?
No.
All right, so...
Iraqi history.
So I played Civilization Revolution when it came out on Xbox 360 back in the day and really liked it.
I downloaded the demo and fell in love with it, and then I bought the game.
It was cheap, and we played it a ton.
But I wasn't a PC gamer, and I didn't even know that I was playing some bullshit bootleg version of a great game.
It wasn't until last year or the year before that Chiz and I got into Civilization
5 and started playing a lot.
Like,
every single night, um, eight hours
a night, something like that. Um,
we've played 12-hour games, and
like you, at some point, we got
we played a lot, and I
I'm pretty, I'm okay. At Age of Mythology, I would
say I'm like a four and a half, five
out of ten, uh, on like the global scale. At Civ, I think I'm really good, because I've played a Age of Mythology. I would say I'm like a 4.5, 5 out of 10 on the global scale.
At Civ, I think I'm really good because I've played a lot of Civ, a lot of Civ,
and I've played against good players.
Chiz and I wanted to find who's the best at this, right?
Who's the best Civ player?
It's this guy named Filthy Robot.
He is the best Civ player in the world, just bar none.
You watch his games, and he's just on another level.
If you could be a professional at this, he would be it.
So we got in with him and his no-quitter.
They run a modified version of the game that's all about playing,
I think it's six-man free-for-all or something, or is it fourches?
In any case, they play modded maps, modded rule sets,
completely modded version of the game, six-player free-for-alls,
and it's like the highest level of that game, six player free-for-alls and it's
like the highest level of that game.
And we played with them and I beat him.
It was great. It wasn't really
a win like, I didn't
go in there and destroy his cities, but in the end
I got the most votes and I won.
Well, that's a way to win.
That's a way to win and I did it.
But I loved that game.
I've gotten ridiculously obsessed with that in the past.
I think I've got 2,000 hours or something on my Steam account.
I know some of those are just busy hours, but they can't all be.
You're much better at Age of Mythology than a 5 out of 10, by the way.
If you play with your best god, you're up there.
I'd say you're going to be better than 8 out of 10 people you come across online.
Maybe so.
I don't play a lot against people who aren't our fans or
Taylor, but I fare pretty well against all of them.
Doesn't that much gaming make you
sad? No.
It's a real...
I like perfecting a thing.
Whether it's cooking french fries, making bread pudding,
or hitting the
classic age in 4 minutes and 18 seconds.
Whatever it is, I like to do it.
I love learning the hot keys.
I love learning the fastest way to do something,
the most efficient way to do something.
If you're trying to switch workers around from food to gold to wood,
there's an uber-efficient way to do that.
It may be sending this guy this way and this guy this way
because it's a shorter walking distance
or easier to put into a barrel or
whatever it may be so I like that and I like perfecting a thing like that when I
do I feel like I'm as slick and as quick and as good at it as I can be that's a
sort of a sense of accomplishment to me there was this youtuber I forget his
name it was like a schemer or schemer or something. He was Beyond's friend. He played a lot of COD 4.
He had like 65 days in
COD 4 after the first
year or so. Jesus.
It's a lot. No, that's not possible.
What? That's one in every five days.
I
saw his stats and he did
a video. So I guess
Hutch did a video about addiction.
I think Hutch's old addiction was alcohol. I hope I'm not screwing that up. But Hutch did a video about addiction right and I think Hutch's old addiction
was alcohol right I I hope I'm not screwing that up but Hutch did a video about addiction
and then he came out with his own video about addiction and it was to COD 4 and um at the time
I was playing COD a lot and no that wasn't itches um I'm pretty sure I have it right. But anyway, he did his addiction about playing COD too much.
And the core result of it was he's like, you know, I put all this time in this game and I'm kind of depressed.
I gained some weight and I'm not good at anything now.
depressed. I was like, I gained some weight and I'm like, I'm not good at anything now. And, um,
then like, dude, I've been a hardcore gamer too, like to the point where maybe it, it interfered with the other things in my life. But after a while, I, I, I sort of popped my head out of
the gopher hole and I'm like, man, like this room's not fun anymore oh no they can't seem to hear me all of them
are working fine except me let me see is it I'm just gonna it looks like I'm That's a weird way to do that.
So I'm going to run a ping.
My internet connection is fine.
So grr. well we're going to try and get this call back
really sorry about this
it's
it's hard to fix
I guess we need to ditch Skype
I don't know what's better
we have these weird requirements
and like you know everyone's thing needs to stay
the same size people can't shift
mid conversation for no flipping reason and that's not
something you see all the time so it looks like maybe cheese is going to try
and restart the call so I'm just sort of hanging out waiting for that yeah in the
meantime check out my Friday vlog for that G Fuel thing.
God, I'm going to take heat for that.
But I told them that I would do it.
Apparently, they're kind of all in.
Like they're running a big sale.
They're doing a big promotion
and they want it to go really well.
They have a new flavor, whatever.
You can watch my vlog to see all about it.
But it seemed like since nothing else was going on, it was a good opportunity for me to bring it up I
can't tell what's going on starting a new call
so I'm just getting like a status update from everyone
they're just saying
they're here
I bet Chiz left
yeah they're saying the same thing
Chiz's breaker flipped or something
uh you started the group call though I Yeah, they're saying the same thing. Chiz's breaker flipped or something.
You started the group call, though.
It was a button click away.
I thought I'd see if it worked.
It apparently didn't, right?
It's real, real bad.
All right, I'll start the call individually.
So the way this works is if I start a group call, fails I took a chance there and we're just
adding people
yeah like for example your volume was jacked way up I had to turn you down in
that group call
yeah I don't know what Skype's problem is but it's awful
Skype is quite the stinker
this is weird yeah it's not that uncommon for us
mmm and and you know we'll like solve it between shows like all right it works just fine
you just have to call people one at a time now in this case i'm 90 sure jizz's internet connection
dropped and uh and he owned the call and that's what went wrong are we still recording we are
oh there we are is everybody back We recorded the whole way through that.
We're going to love it.
Yeah, we're going to love it.
I got a G Fuel mention in there,
which is what really I think the viewers are clamoring for.
More G Fuel?
I agree.
What would happen if you snorted some of that G Fuel?
Because it's just like sugar and caffeine to the max.
Leave a comment below.
You do a rail of that.
I really don't have much
snorting stuff experience.
Oh, you are missing out.
There aren't enough products nowadays that you snort,
I feel like. I feel like there used to be a... Snortable food.
You know, it's just looked down upon
a little bit. Like, I've got that
nasal spray for my allergies. I can't remember
what it's called.
It's not mucin... Nasinex or something like that. But that's my allergy medicine. I just do a little spray of that and that's it for my allergies. I can't remember what it's called. It's not Nasonex or something like that, but that's my allergy
medicine. I just do a little
spray of that and that's it for the day. I feel like
it's instantaneous. There's no pills to take
or anything. It's just
right up in there and absorbing into
my bloodstream.
There should be more products like that. You don't ever find yourself
getting semi-addicted to
doing it? That's a real thing.
There's a pump. There's no
chemicals in there. What would I get addicted to?
There are chemicals in there.
People have gotten addicted to
nose-snorting things.
There's something in there. I don't know what the active ingredient is,
but I know that was a thing.
That's outrageous. Well, no, absolutely not.
As soon as it's part of my
morning routine, especially this time
of year because allergies are so bad. After I get out of the know, I, like, as soon as it's part of my morning routine, because especially this time of year, because allergies are so bad. So like,
after I get out of the shower and I'm like brushing my hair, I like do two little sprays
of that allergy spray. And, but no, I'm certainly not like going around all day. Like
it's a chapstick thing too, right? Don't people get addicted to chapstick? Like going through them?
Really? Yeah. You've heard that too, Taylor, right?
Or are you just goofing on me?
Not like debilitatingly addicted, like shaking as you take that off your chair.
These are the silliest addictions I've ever heard.
There are real addicts out there.
People whose lips fail to hydrate normally and just become dependent on ChapStick.
Ah, that's not a thing.
No, if you use ChapStick too much, it will dry
your lips out for the same reason that if you take steroids
or inject yourself with a ton of testosterone,
your testicles are going to be like, alright, we can really
slack a bit because it's clear
that we have a lot, way too much
coming in. Your lips are like, why even moisturize
these fuckers? There's constantly wax on them.
Remember when Sam and Frodo
were in Mordor and they were down to their last
little sip of water, how chapped their lips were yeah at that point like like that that's all i'm thinking
about when when they're out there all hot and and and just just dying and laying there and
frodo's spilling sam's last little sip of water on his belly and sam's just like look at him like
you just spilt like two tablespoons of our precious precious water more than that because
it took me a moment even at like 14 when i or 15 when more than that because it was so much
even at like 14 when i or 15 when i saw that movie i was like that that water could have been
stretched like that yeah that could have been that was enough to like like wet sam's poor like
chaps parched lips or something like that yeah i would have tipped it over the gay
precipice if he had what if they fingers and then began rubbing Sam's lips.
What if Frodo was like drinking and then he looked at Sam while he
still had it in his mouth and was like
and they like shared a kiss but it was clear it was one
of those kisses like in Waterworld. Kevin
Costner kisses the woman and breathes air into
her lungs so it's like a utilitarian kiss.
And then he like rubs his hair or something.
Can't have my Sam falling
behind. It's just something creepy.
He just drizzles it into his mouth baby Bird style. I'd have been okay with that.
They were about 20 minutes away from fucking on that rock.
Those eagles had to show up.
Well, you know, do you want to do this, Mr. Frodo?
My Sam!
Like it was coming, it was totally coming.
Oh, it's too fast, Mr. Frodo!
This is fucked.
This is fucked.
So many Lord of the Rings references the last couple weeks.
Phil.
I'd say too many.
Yes, sir.
I saw you do a couple videos on Toby.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I haven't talked about him at all because I got into drama like a month ago.
And in it, I said, I'm embarrassed to be involved in drama, et cetera.
And then I thought to myself,
well, you can't very well say like, you know,
you want to stay out of drama
and then just talk about everybody else's.
Yeah.
Yet here I go.
So what's pretty clear
is that he's not a very good boyfriend.
Like a bunch of his- Can we get like an update up to this point in time?
Just for everybody who doesn't know exactly what's happened up to now?
Can you do that for us, Phil?
I feel like you're...
Me?
Yeah.
Sure.
I did two videos on it and then I've tried to stay away from it.
Well, I'm here to help.
Thanks.
So yeah.
I'm here to help.
Thanks.
So, yeah.
So, there was a tuber slash tuber person that kind of was hanging around.
April F. posted this very large Tumblr post where she said that she had this on-again, off-again relationship with Toby Turner, Tobuscus, Toby Games. Toby games in it she kind of describes several instances of potential emotional abuse potential
physical abuse and potentially a sexual assault then from that several of his Toby's ex-girlfriends
or people he was in relationships with came out with their own stories not of not of sexual assault as much as just kind of what you said that
their their take away from the relationship is that he was
and a terrible boyfriends
and then there was one other claim of sexual assaults
uh... from another old school to provide a map caters
uh... but her
her version of events goes against Seth Hendricks,
who is a mutual friend of both of them, both of theirs.
Can I just elaborate on that one?
Yeah, go for it.
Tell me if I get any of this wrong.
But her version of it was something along the lines of like,
I hung out with him that night.
I blacked out.
I woke up the next morning.
For years, I told myself there wasn't a sexual assault.
But now I've come around after hearing April's story to deciding that I was sexually assaulted
while I was sleeping. Right. And so, I mean, that's the thing. The tricky thing about issues
like this is you don't want to discount a victim, right? You don't want to discount someone that
could be a victim. Her version of it does leave it, it leaves it open for people to
it seems, I'm trying to think of the best way to put it
it seems like she convinced
herself that something happened
but once again
these are words on the internet
perhaps she didn't get the right point across
or maybe she got it across perfectly
and it's true or not
true according to Seth
what does seth say
happened as opposed to what she says so seth seth hendrick's version of events that he posted on
facebook was that essentially that she has a history of uh having a mental disease or something
or at the very least a mental problem um that toby him at 2, 3 o'clock in the morning
that she was having a mental break,
going crazy, that she broke into the house,
and that she was putting voodoo things,
and this was in quotes, voodoo things around the house.
Also, the first accuser, April F., was reportedly there,
and then he also posted screenshots of text back and forth that seemed
to back up his version of events. Then again, could be anywhere within the 24 hour window.
My takeaway is kind of what you were saying. I think that you could say that Toby has his
issues. I think that Toby sounds like he probably cheats on every girl that he gets with.
But does that equate us all? I just want to, on the cheating part of it, by the way,
if the exes' stories are to be believed, and some of them seem, there was one in particular,
who was the pretty brown haired girl that was in med school at one point? you know you don't know uh you'd have to be more specific i didn't know uh shock she made
like a 22 minute video uh while she dated him a lot of people said she was a good influence on
toby and that he was the best version of himself while he dated her trying to think there was
there was jacqueline gl. There was Melania.
I forget.
Anyway.
I'd have to go through.
I wish I got her name right.
There are a lot of women.
She seems super, super credible to me.
She just really kind of had her act together, and she was well-spoken, and she had no motive.
She didn't have a dog in the fight.
She was just like, so many people are asking me about this.
I feel like I want to put it out there.
And she confirmed he was a really terrible boyfriend, you know, cheated on her.
She'd catch him cheating with, like, girl number two, call him and say, like, hey, I caught you cheating with girl number two.
Turns out he's in a hotel room with girl number three while she's calling him.
he's in a hotel room with girl number three while she's calling him,
and it was very clear that what she was looking for
was like a monogamous relationship with the future.
And I don't know, I watched, I was like,
man, you did a nice girl wrong, you know?
And like some of these other girls,
like oh, she's the, like this accuser
is the one that introduced Toby to Molly,
this accuser is the one that has a to Molly. This accuser is the one that has a history.
And then this one is going to be the one that got away.
Yeah, I mean, that's a part of it that I wouldn't have thought of.
Because it seems like such a different issue.
Like, almost like just a complete side thing.
But, I don't know's it's a weird thing and also it's weird just because i have i have a history with them even through
parts of this you know texting him and talking to him to make sure to kind of get a gauge on
where his mental place is uh i don't know. But I feel like what's happened in my lifetime
is the definition of rape has expanded.
And some of that definition I consider to be completely appropriate, right?
Like when I was young, young, it seemed like, you know, date rape.
Is date rape rape?
Yes, clearly date rape is rape. Is date rape rape? Yes, clearly, date rape is rape.
It doesn't matter.
Sometime during my lifetime,
the right of a girl to get to third base
and say no then was created, I think.
So that's a thing.
But now, I feel like in some cases,
it almost extends too far.
And God, I hope I don't come off as like pro-rape on this thing.
But you get girls who like three years later say, you know what?
I figured out that that one night I slept at his place, I was probably raped.
Or like almost any regrettable action becomes rape.
I've talked to – I don't want to throw my daughter under the bus.
But like she's like – I don't know if she'd call becomes rape. I've talked to, I don't want to throw my daughter under the bus, but like, she's like, I don't know if she'd call it rape, but like, imagine this scenario,
right? Girl and guy getting romantic. She says no. He tries to like, you know, convince her
through words or actions to make her change her mind. Actions like kissing or whatever.
Like, if I could get her all riled up,
then she would change her mind and say yes.
She's defining that almost as sexual assault.
Whereas to me, that falls under
fairly normal courting behavior.
You go as far as it goes until she says no.
And if she says no, sometimes, like, all right, we'll just go back to boob touching.
And hopefully, I mean, isn't that like the entire history of mankind is you go up until that point?
No cavemen were sitting back like, well, you know, I know that we may not want to push her too far.
She's a good girl.
Whoa, how about we get a couple of pelts in here?
Get something to build our life off of before we go having kids.
Like, no, of course, that never fucking happened.
That makes sense.
Damn screen size.
But, like, yeah, like, you know, young version of me, right?
Like, she's letting me touch her boob.
Will she let me unzipper zipper?
No.
All right, back to boob touching.
Go there for, like, ten minutes.
Try zipper again.
All of a sudden, that's rape now?
Well, no, I don't think anybody thinks that like some people do i don't like this topic it's just not
gonna go well we're not gonna win over any people nobody's gonna go you know what before i thought
that was sexual assault but what he's convinced me those teenage boys are just hornballs they can't
help say that there are some people who might be like he's advocating child rape that motherfucker
so you're never gonna win this argument but i agree with you sure the whole the whole courtship There are some people who might be like, he's advocating child rape. That motherfucker.
So you're never going to win this argument, but I agree with you, sure.
The whole courtship in general, a guy and a girl going out,
it's a weird dance where you're oftentimes,
and I'm not saying this is how I do things,
but you're playing games back and forth, and there's flirtation,
and it's sort of this back and forth exchange that's... When you start being so specific and saying, oh, up until this point everything's okay,
you can't have rigid guidelines with that.
But I know exactly what you're talking about.
When you're making out with someone and you're trying to round the bases,
you're either going to get waved in or they're going to stop you.
And that's just how it is.
Sometimes you get a couple of at-bats and and and that's just how it is sometimes you get a couple of it bats though that's just how it works it's not up to that point that's doing anything
creepy it's how you handle after that point if she's like oh no no oh don't unbutton my pants
and you're just like just sit with it like then then you know you're probably you're definitely
wrong fine then you just wasted my time then oh i see how it is like turns out like emotionally
damaging her like guilting her yeah yeah right that may be just you're too early in the intimacy
process there and your vibes haven't met up yet you're not at that peak moment you know and so
you back off and then you a little a little more boob play i guess i think that was what
you were saying was the preface to it yeah i i um i do you still have that that picture of me
like playing like like it's me and you and we're with a fan and i'm i got a big handful of boobie
who's boobies on my fat kid he's like 17 or 18 years old he's got the biggest tits they're at
least a b cup and i'm just like honking it it's hilarious yeah yeah the paintball trip yeah he's
wearing that made him really happy
to have one of his prospective idols
passively mocking his body.
He loved it.
Let me explain to you why.
It's like, no, you ruined his life.
This guy's probably self-conscious.
This dude showed up to a paintball tournament
wearing a bikini top
and like boy shorts
weighing 280 pounds or something.
He is overflowing in every dimension.
Okay? Like he's owning it on a level that I could never go to. 280 pounds or something. He is overflowing in every dimension.
He's owning it on a level that I could never go to.
I couldn't do that.
I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing what he wore
and I was in good shape. I am in good shape,
I guess. I just wouldn't do it.
He's owning it. He doesn't care.
A little boob honk? He's like, yeah, honk them both.
That's a beat up, bitch.
I don't know.
I guarantee I'm not the first guy to honk
that guy's titty it's hey that's right it's right it happens daily it's
probably like do you think that the other solid goes home at night hangs up
his bikini top and it's like another day another dollar or do you think that he's
just rolling with the punches because his life gives you big fat tits you got
to make fun of yourself. His boy, his
friend was wearing like a rainbow
tutu if I remember correctly. Like they had
shown up at this paintball event not giving
a fuck. And I loved
it. When I see people doing that and
there's a fine line between owning
it and not giving a fuck
and just being a fucking weirdo.
I feel like if you're at the paintball event and you've stripped
down to something really silly like that,
it's clear you're showing that, like,
I'm not afraid of these paintballs.
Look at these guys wearing $800 worth of fucking gear.
I'm out here to play.
I'm out here to be silly.
Yeah, I like those people more.
But if you're in public wearing that,
you're a real motherfucker.
You're just being weird for the sake of weirdness.
I like that dynamic with paintball
that you get without other sports specifically like we mentioned the hockey like if you see somebody with
really really good equipment you can wager like that guy either breaks a lot of fucking sticks
and is buying new nice ones because he's good or he just bought all that stuff and he's gonna suck
dick yeah you know i so i'm stuck weird thing so like i i've got a lot of sponsors and i have
paintball gear up the wazoo
because it's been given to me.
I haven't had to purchase any of it,
and I've got thousands of dollars worth of it.
So when I go to a local paintball game,
I look like a douchebag.
I can't help but look like a douchebag.
There's no way around it.
You can see it from a mile away.
We go to a YouTube event.
Everybody knows who I am anyway.
It says FPS Russia on my fucking jersey.
Half of my stuff is inscribed. They're there to see see me so I don't feel like a douchebag and they don't feel like I'm a douchebag
because they know that like only the ones who meet me think I'm a douchebag
so getting back to the point at hand I lost it I lost you have a lot of gear
and it makes you look like a douchebag.
Yeah, we were in Atlanta playing and my girlfriend's
like, I could tell she was upset.
I was like, what is it? What's the deal? She's like,
that guy said something. I was
like, what guy? She's like, guy over there.
She showed me which one. I was like, what did he say?
Said something about you.
I didn't like it. I was like, what did he fucking say?
She's like, I don't even want to tell you.
I was like, do you think there's a scenario in which you don't fucking tell me?
Where you bring this up and we just leave it?
And we leave it here to lie?
I was like, you better fucking tell me.
I'm mad at you now.
He just said that you thought you were hot shit because you had all that equipment or whatever.
I had to have a talk with this motherfucker.
I stopped in the middle.
I was like, hey, what's your fucking problem?
And he's dumbfounded
because he really hadn't said anything
with an earshot of me, but somebody had
informed me of what he said. I was like, I heard what you said
about me. I'm out here to have fun.
That's what we're all doing. But if you
want to make a problem, we can make a real
problem right here and now. And he's
just like, I don't
even know. Yeah yeah you do don't
fucking lie and we had a I had a bit of a meltdown because I don't a real
Patrick Bateman way to act I don't like I feel like I'm in a position where I
can't back down he's said it for my girlfriend my girlfriend's there I I
don't think she would think less of me if I was like well let's just get the
fuck out of here then like if I pulled one think less of me if I was like, well, let's just get the fuck out of here then.
If I pulled one of those, I don't think she would think less of me.
But I might think less of me. I'm not
going to leave this place because he's made me feel uncomfortable.
And I'm not going to sit
over here and stew with him not knowing
that I know. And he's not going to
continue running his mouth throughout the day.
It's just not going to work. I don't see a scenario in which
I can't go in and confront this man
and still feel good about myself.
You need balance like the karate kid.
I prefer getting shot by people like you at paintball events
because then at least when you hit me,
I feel like, all right, this fucker got me
because he's got a $3,000 setup that looks like a real gun
with fluted rounds that fly perfectly straight and can cut you.
But when you get shot by that dude with like the 2007
Church of Christ
Albuquerque retreat shirt
and he's got those sandals like Woody wears
and cargo shorts and he just hits you at the tip
and it's like, fuck. Like, god damn it.
Like, I prefer so much more.
Kyle, that wasn't a dig. You didn't get the Karate Kid reference?
I didn't hear exactly what you said.
Oh, I said you need balance
like the Karate Kid. He's on the little
operating table in the back room
and the guy says, you know what? You've proved your point.
You can take a break. And he's like, no.
Every time I see those guys, they're
going to think they got one up on me.
Every time I see those guys, I know I need to
achieve balance. Can't you work some
voodoo magic on my leg and heal me so I can
go back out there and prove to
myself that
they didn't get the best of me.
And that's when Mr. Miyagi did his thing.
So you couldn't just walk away because you needed balance.
You know what?
Last time you watched that movie.
Last week.
It's so bad.
So good.
And the only thing I think is like, I wonder if this magic technique he's got could apply
to a handjob.
Could Mr. Miyagi give you the greatest handjob of all time?
If he was such a popular instructor.
Just did this one time.
A jerk off.
That's a classic.
Now, the Hilary Swank version, that was shit.
When Hilary Swank came into the scene, she's a real mixed bag.
That was a shit movie.
That was a shit-tier movie.
The second one?
I think it's the third one.
Phil, Chiz has been hounding us to ask you about the Amazing Race audition
since before you joined the call over an hour ago.
Oh, okay.
Shoot. I don't know
what part to say. I know that
we were... All the parts.
Go on. My wife and I have been fans
for a long time. We found out that they were
doing a social media one,
which is actually on TV right now.
We ended up having to do
this week at a hotel.
So they were
really accommodating, because usually I guess you're supposed to just have
no outside contact.
But they allowed me to run to another room,
shoot my show in the morning,
and then go to no contact.
But yeah, we were locked down in a hotel for a week.
Had to talk to a shrink,
which was kind of interesting
because I had never done that before. Made me feel good about myself, which was solid.
Not voluntarily.
How did it go?
Not voluntarily.
Oh, it went well.
But not like the shrink conversation. What questions did he ask you?
Because I never talked to anyone about my life before I was 21. It was kind of messed up.
Some bad stuff happened.
I just always throw that in the back of my head.
I don't know. It ended with,
you know what, I'm very
impressed that you are where you are today
based off of that history.
I was like, I feel so amazing
about myself right now.
I don't even care if I get on the show now, which I didn't.
It sucked.
A little vindication there.
Yeah, but then the rest is just like you're not allowed to talk to anyone.
So it's like all these YouTubers that know each other just kind of like staring at each other, eating food.
Who did you know?
Well, so Tyler Oakley wasler oakley uh was there bernie burns was there
i think bernie actually bernie and i were probably like the oldest people there right because because
they're doing the social media stuff so i think what ended up happening is i think uh he and his
girlfriend beat out uh my wife and i and i think think rightly so. I think they're great on television.
But they were essentially casting the old couple,
which is insane when you look at Birdie and his girlfriend.
The fact that that's the old couple.
And then you just have a lot of spare time.
So you end up just watching a bunch of episodes.
I spent two days seeing if we could.
The only thing we were worried about,
we weren't even worried that we weren't going to
get picked because we had knocked out
all the interviews unfortunately
except the last one where they
where it came down to them asking
me about me covering politics which I think
is why I ended up not getting it
because that seemed like
not the best conversation
but the rest of the time we were
trying to see if we could win dance challenges.
Those were the only ones we were worried about.
What did you got?
And so we went on YouTube
and we found these dance channels and
I can do
three Meghan Trainor songs.
That's what I learned. I can dance to three
Meghan Trainor songs. That's it.
And that's the end of the experience.
I'm hoping that this season goes over well
as far as how many people
watch it, because I'd love to see more and more
social media people be on stuff like that.
As far as reality television goes,
oh my god, look at those flowers.
As far as reality television goes, I feel like
they're probably the fairest
to the cutting and the producing.
Remember as a kid,
you could never get one past your mom.
She always knew something was up.
You could never sneak in after curfew.
Dishes that disappeared were under your bed.
That time you waited until the last minute to make your card for Mother's Day
and it looked like a first grader made it.
Problem was you were in college.
She knew.
Don't blow it another year.
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1-800-Flowers.com slash PKA. That's 1-800-Flowers.com slash PKA. These showed up yesterday.
And, yeah, they, I have some over there. I, I got, I walked up to my front door and I
thought, like, what a sweet thing for someone to do to me. I expected it was for my girlfriend,
but I was like, wow, wow, like, what a nice thing. And I saw it and it was like, oh.
Oh, so it's because of the
PKA. Nobody really cared.
Nobody really took the time.
But they're beautiful flowers. I love them.
And I like the way they, in their ad,
they're treating it like everyone out there is like,
what can I do to fucking pull
one over on my mom?
I want to buy that stupid
bitch some $9 flowers. But you'll know. These are beautiful. over on my mom you know like oh i'm gonna i want to buy that stupid bitch like some nine dollar
flowers but you'll know these are beautiful this is i can't believe this is 29 whose name was it
on the card it was uh uh it was just my name yeah mine too yeah so the flowers come to my front door
and they say they're for me and my wife is like oh these flowers they
they got you flowers and i'm like no they're for you and she's like your name is on the card
now normally that won't happen to you guys i think that happened because we're doing like
promotional flowers and that doesn't go through the same department as as your flowers would go
through your flowers would go through a much better system in which your wife or girlfriend's
name will be on the flower thing there.
Because, you know, they showed up at my house for Kyle, and I certainly can't pawn them off on anyone else because everyone heard me.
You know, everyone saw the card, and it says, Kyle, I can't be like, honey, these are for you.
I can be like, here you go, kitty, you earned them.
Yes, you can.
Here are my flowers.
I guess I'll put them in a vase.
You know that plastic thing that comes in the middle that holds the card and, like, the little packet to feed the flowers so they last longer?
I just took those out, and I was was just gonna leave those out and tell melissa
because i got home earlier that day and just tell melissa i got her flowers but then i was like oh
that's a slimy piece of shit thing to do so did your mom did your mom like her flowers woody
she she loved them yeah i think roses are her favorite anyway i some people don't like roses
they i i i'm a big fan of roses. That's always been my favorite.
What's your favorite color rose, Kyle?
I like anything weird.
Top ten.
My top ten? Oh.
Top ten rose colors.
What's that rose from Vendetta?
From V for Vendetta, the rose that he puts on every dead person. It's like a...
Red. You got red. That's number one.
I don't know.
It was like a special thing. Those white roses, that's a thing.
It was for the plot. They were these special
roses. The Violet Carson or something
like that.
Yeah, those. I don't know what my favorite
fucking color of roses are.
Pink seems like... Seems kind of white
trash to me. Kind of like pink champagne
does. I guess
white. I think white is the classiest.
I think white is my favorite
color of rose.
Alright.
You don't think pink roses are white trash?
Me? No, I don't know. I mean,
by no means are they a
one through four ranked color.
Don't be crazy. I would place them in the 7 to 9 range.
Rank the races for me.
Do that one.
That one next.
Rank the races.
Well, you know, Kyle, everyone is equal in everything,
and you can't say anything despite facts or evidence about that.
Everybody has to be the same.
Well, pink lemonade, as Chiz is probably about to point out,
doesn't it have like...
Despite facts?
Doesn't it have like...
Yeah, some people are born stupid.
Some people are born stupid.
Like the Icelandic people are stupid.
Is that what you're getting at?
Oh, we're talking about race.
I thought you were just talking about everyone everywhere,
not races specifically.
I don't know.
You know, different colors.
The Irish are a little less.
Back me up, Kyle.
So the Irish. Connor McGregor has me up, Kyle. So, the Irish.
Conor McGregor has sort of clarified his statements earlier in the week
when he came out and said something along the lines of, like,
I'm retiring, thanks for the cheese.
See ya's.
Very eloquent guy he is.
He's now sort of backed that statement up
because someone probably reminded him of all of his legal obligations
via contract to probably half a dozen
different companies. So now you spent all your money last weekend. So now I read his Facebook
post today and I'm on his side now, except I think that what he did, the way he's been handling this
is poor, but I'm on his side in general. I don't like how he's handling it and I don't like how
Dana White's handling it, but I'm on Conor's side. I feel like you haven't
described what it is to the people.
I don't understand. So Conor's supposed to
be fighting, rematching against Nate
Diaz in UFC 200.
Very big fight. Everyone's looking forward to it.
The deal is, though, if you really boil it down,
if Conor loses this fight, it's really
bad for his career. It's really
bad. This Nate Diaz guy was
supposed to be a little
side detour along the way to wherever his career
is going, and all of a sudden he's gotten stopped. If he gets stopped twice,
it's more than just a detour. It's a real fucking problem.
Yeah, Conor could never handle Diaz. He was too long for him.
That's what he is now, and he can't have that.
He has a ton of media obligations, probably more so than
anyone because he is such a
he's the biggest star there is a these bigger than Ron does pay at this point
gotta be cuz she's not by
he's huge he said he made eight hundred million dollars the UFC last year I
think something like that he says that he's
there his numbers but but you know it that's what he said I'm sure he's made a
ton of money
but but but what he's saying is hey I don't need to lose another fight
I think the reason I lost that last fight is because I wasn't focused.
I wasn't training the way I used to be.
I wasn't focused the way I used to be.
So for this fight, I ask that we keep it to a minimum.
I said I would do, and he named a couple of little things that he said he would do.
But he said, but I don't want to be going to Bob and Susie's morning show at, you know,
8 a.m. sitting in traffic when I should be in the gym, when I should be being focused, when I should be moving toward this dream,
which is also important to not just the next UFC,
but to my career, to my legacy and everything.
But apparently Dana White sees it differently.
He wants him to be doing all these media obligations.
He wants him running around doing this stuff.
I think he was training in Iceland.
I'm sure he was.
He's supposed to, and They want him in Vegas to do
some work, and he's like, no.
I'm in fucking Iceland, bro.
We're counting push-ups over here, and you're trying to
get me to come get on a microphone to jazz the people
up. He flew his team to Iceland.
I'm so torn on it.
I get his point
of view, but I think if you're
Dana White, you're constantly getting accused of coddling Conor McGregor and bending to his will, letting him kind of just not fully lose the belt, but allow him to do whatever the hell he wants to make history.
else has to do it. I feel like I understand he's one of the biggest guys
in the sport right now, but if you
let one guy change the rules,
then anyone can walk all
over the whole thing.
You have to set a precedent for it.
At the end of the day, it's like,
that is your job. It's not just
the fighting. You can be the best fighter in the world, but if you
have the personality of a hard-boiled egg,
nobody's going to give a shit or watch you.
Here's the deal. This is what the truth is.
In this world that we exist in,
special people get special treatment.
This isn't fucking kindergarten.
Conor McGregor is different than you other fucking bums.
When Conor McGregor says,
this thing got a million pay-per-view sales because of me,
it did, right?
It wasn't fucking Jose Nobody nobody on the card then is then
nate diaz shouldn't have to do it you can't have one guy uh nate diaz didn't have to do it last
time right nate diaz they call him late he's fucking pounding shots or something yeah yeah
does it show up nobody cares listen diaz literally has a speech when connor felt jose aldo right connor was like i i think i
have the cities right now he had to do an interview in vegas and then in boston and then in new york
and then he went back to vegas right and these weren't telephoto interviews or whatever he had
to fucking fly around to three different cities in one day and then get back to vegas and like
train that night connor has media obligations on a level that no one else in the history of the UFC has
ever had to do.
And he thinks that him having the card stacked against him for the last couple of times have
hurt his performance.
And now he's lost a fight.
And like Kyle said, if he loses two fights, he's the same guy.
Different thing.
Yeah.
You can't just dial a phone, though. call into a radio show, take care of that.
I mean, at the end of the day, it is a sport,
and that means that there is a level of parity that should be reached for and striven for.
Like, you can't just have Joe Blow doing whatever the fuck he wants,
and then your all-star, you know, or I guess the reverse of that,
the all-star doing whatever the fuck he wants,
and Joe Blow, who you're trying to build up, you have a much more stringent set of rules.
The thing is, look, Conor has created a bigger buzz around this fight than any other look like Connor's just
saying thanks for all the cheese whatever he got more retweets for his retirement tweet than Kobe
Bryant got for his right this thing that we're talking about he's already pumped this fight up with a single fucking tweet
in a way that no other fighter could if he had just flown out there and done that dumb ass
fucking press obligation three months before that i'm a hardcore fan then i don't give a
fuck about some press conference three months before a fight you're gonna hear nothing that
matters nothing nothing interesting or relevant it's's never happened. Never did that.
There's somebody back there who said, look, you don't say this.
You don't say that.
You don't even fuck with Reebok.
I would like to offer myself to Conor McGregor right now.
Conor, I've got a great Irish accent.
I can go there and I can say all the shit you would have said.
All these fucking bums.
They should thank me for raising the level of the UFC.
Oh, you guys, you can kiss
my ring because I made the UFC.
See, my Irish accent is fantastic.
Northern Irish.
No, you have to keep going.
Chiz, time how long it takes to get to
Indian.
But he's like, you can kiss the
ring. You can kiss the ring.
You should all thank me. You're a bunch of bums.
No one ever heard of you before I talked about you.
You can thank me.
You can thank me for what I'm doing.
Oh, we're talking about money.
This is me.
Dude, Conor is just going to say the same bullshit that he's said at every other.
People think that he's good at interviews.
He's not good at interviews.
He says four different things again and again and again.
This tweet has me talking about his fight.
Fucking change the rules for Conor because because Connor's not the same as these
other people these other people are bums compared to Connor not fighting but in
terms of press conference got him to submit so I'm not saying that Connor is
better fighter than me I'm saying that Connor is a bigger draw than Nate
obviously so that here's the thing i respect him as
a fighter i respect him for the promo i get why people are supporting him uh i respect dana white
in this situation more i think i think it shows that he respects the the sport that said if you
think that those are stupid i think then it goes on to Conor, who keeps saying that he's getting everyone paid more.
A face like that or several faces than to talk about unionizings.
And so shit like the Reebok deal doesn't screw the little guys.
And the thing to remember that I think the rest of this call is not taking into account.
Conor is saying, look, what you've done to me last fight, where I do 12 times more press than the other guy makes it hard for me to win
what you did to me the fight before when he fought Jose Aldo he did 15 time making up numbers but 15
times more press obligations than that fuck who didn't even speak English right calling in is all
that should be required of him then he should just have to pick up the phone or get on Skype
like he doesn't have to fly to Las Vegas but he should have to do those media promotions because
that's his job.
It comes with the territory of being the most popular person of that franchise.
What I'm saying is I feel like he's made enough deposits in this emotional and literal bank account to cut the guy a flipping break this time.
If he feels like, look, my whole career is on the line because of this fight this time.
And let's not forget, the last five fights, I did stuff that no one else ever had to do. Why don't you give a little back this time and let's not forget the last five fights i did stuff that no one else ever had to do
why don't you give a little back this time and i think that's reasonable didn't he do all that
stuff because he wanted to like he was the one who chose that he wanted to fight in that weight class
and all that he did that other stuff because it's part of being an ambitious businessman right when the
other guy says no i don't want to do any press right when a diaz brother says no i need to sleep
for a dozen hours because after i breathe airplane air i have to uh fucking re-cleanse myself right
meanwhile connor will do four press things in a day across the continent. He's built up some credits in the emotional bank account in my mind
so that he's able to get a little slack this time.
I think that he should still have to do his job at the end of the day.
That is his job.
You don't have to fly across the earth to sit in person with KZZ10106.5, whatever.
But wait a minute. At least call him just let me just say one of these guys is is doing a better job at their job dana white or or connor connor's job is
to beat people up and put on a show he's more than willing to do that dana white's job is supposed to
be to organize the fights that the people want to see he's failing at that right now because he's
too proud to compromise with this guy he's failing at that right now because he's too proud to compromise with this guy. He's failing at that right now.
We all want the fight. There's no one
out there who's like, good, I didn't want to see
Conor fight.
No one is saying that. Not one person is
out there like, well, I didn't want to see him fight anyway.
I wanted to see Jimmy McNoname
come in there and rough up
some guy. Nobody wanted that.
So now it's even, there's no reason
for them not to compromise.
Just make this thing happen.
If I work 40 hours a week, that's my thing.
I'm sorry.
I'll be quick.
If I work 40 hours a week, right, and last week I worked 90,
and I say, hey, boss, I'd like to work 30 this time.
I'm exhausted.
I don't feel like you're supposed to come back to me and be like, no,
it's your job to work 40.
Did you not notice last week I did it like two
and a quarter times?
If I do 90 last week, I'm due at 30.
Hook me up. If your job
the previous week was to do 90,
then you would have to do 90.
You're just going to redefine it to be like
he goes above and beyond what anyone
else has ever had to do.
It seems like there's a natural ebb and flow
of their fame and that they
should be required reasonably to participate in promoting themselves he has gotten paid above and
beyond right yeah but that's part of his ambition as a businessman this time he's like look my next
step needs to be to win a fight yeah and but i find it interesting like even like with kyle saying
that dana white's unwilling to compromise when a compromise involves two parties, right?
So if there's a request, a denial, and then there's no in-between talk, then it's on both of them.
And then the actions that we see.
There must have been.
He did.
He said, I'll do this and this and this.
Connor has representation, and Dana White clearly has representation.
And there's got, with this much money at stake
can you imagine the amount of back and forth phone calls
Dana White's take on it is that we've been in constant contact with the management
having conversations about this
Conor's side of things was that he made small requests
but then there's an empty grey space
and that's going to be where the truth is
as far as who's less willing to compromise but all we know as far as the public is the next thing we
see is that okay i'm not getting my way i'm going to tell everyone i'm going to retire then dana
white has to pull big cards say we're cutting you from the the whole card and then then we have this
awkward situation two days later yeah but that you know it's not as if people say oh
this is a precedent now everyone's gonna try this crap yeah you know what if um fucking michael
chessia tries this crap dana's gonna be like you're out of the whole ufc you're done you're
now you're a bellator fighter congratulations special people get special treatment yeah i don't
know i i get what you're saying i uh i have a problem against uh it's just because
it's a sport yeah it's because it's a sport that i don't like the special treatment thing
like if they were that surprises me coming from you i i would feel like i because you've played
sports i'm sure you've seen it in high school sports and and throughout your life where you
know whoever's the the great athlete gets a pass in some small regard at least.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like, there was a player on the Chicago Blackhawks
who did something really shit, swung his stick like a lightsaber
from the ground, laying on his back, hit a dude in the face.
Like, if he'd done that in the street, he'd be in prison for assault.
But they, you know, suspend him for a game or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, thanks, Chiz.
I know you love all the references back to hockey.
But anyway, I just think that it's to be expected when you're the big popular guy
that you're going to have to do a little bit more.
It doesn't mean you should have to go up your old training regimen,
but just call into the fucking radio.
None of us care that Kobe raped that lady.
I mean, did you see?
He scored fucking 60.
Did he?
I'm just talking about having to promote yourself.
I'm not saying that like,
you know,
the best guy in the NBA
doesn't get into a bar first
or doesn't get a free burger.
By the way,
like,
I feel like he,
you know,
he is going to promote himself.
He's going to promote himself
closer to the fight.
He's going to promote himself
for the New York event
and all this stuff.
This is a dumbass,
like a low reward,
high cost thing
three months before the fight.
It's stupid. I don't care about it and i
care about mma more than most hmm so you think fighting what was that i went he wants to know
who you think they're going to replace him with who what what fight what's the fight that we're
going to get that was that slot what's the headliner fight for ufc 200 i'll make something up um i think they're gonna put gsp versus anderson silva on that car oh i'll tune
in for that oh vaseline gate 2.0 let's see that greasy motherfucker get out there and get kicked
in the face oh i'd love that two of my most hated fighters. No matter what, I win. As long as it's not...
Here's what's going to happen if they do GSP versus...
He's going to dance for fucking
the whole match.
If he ever does come in
to hit the guy, he's going to get all slippery
and grossed out, and by the end, it's going to be a decision.
There'll be no damage to either fighter.
They'll both walk away taking their purse and smiling
because they knew it was... If people don't know, GSP
greased up with Vaseline when he fought
BJ Penn, oh an understatement
no, GSP took a bath in baby
oil, because, or mineral oil
or something like that, so what this stuff
does is like, I think you have
to like, get it, it needs to be hot
or you need to take like a hot shower and it opens
all your pores up when you take a hot shower
and then they coat him
in it like he's a fucking transmission.
And then all of a sudden they let him cool down.
All this goes into his pores.
He cools down and the pores seal up.
Now he has baby oil inside of him.
It's like a Pokemon power or something.
He sweats baby oil, right?
He sits out there and they towel him down.
You know, we'll make it fucking fair.
They don't allow you to go in greased up like a monkey. You're just not allowed to. So they towel him down. You know, we'll make it fucking fair. They don't allow you to go in greased up like a monkey.
You're just not allowed to.
So they towel him down really well.
All right, yeah, he feels like a normal human being.
Kyle greases his monkeys?
Carry on.
Yeah, yeah.
As you do.
Anyway.
You're not going to go in dry.
Go on.
So they towel him down to make sure he's dry.
And one of the things in MMA, especially if you're a ground guy,
I think, was he fighting BJ Penn?
Yes.
Black belt.
The perfect example of a ground guy.
He is the ground guy.
For these ground guys, you see they get more submissions earlier in the fights
because people aren't so slippery.
If you're putting somebody in some kind of a submission hold early, they're less likely
to be all slippery and sweaty, and
it's easier to get those holds. It's
easier to crank them up and hurt people
and make them submit. Later in the fight, they're sweatier
and it's harder. Well, this guy
is coming out like a greased fucking pig
three seconds into the game. He's
sweating baby oil, and they keep toweling
him, and he's like, I have much.
I have much i have much
keeps coming out the whole fight it was he think that people were in the press conference and you
could see it like drizzling out of him he was he was glazed he was a glazed fighter yeah all that
is true set me and i feel like i don't remember my timeline very well but i think i think that
just prior to that maybe bj pin and um whathis-name had been the host of The Ultimate Fighter.
And so I just had kind of become a little bit of BJ.
Yeah, Jens Pulver, yeah.
And so I just had become a bit of a BJ Penn fan.
So going into this, even though I wasn't much of a UFC fan at all,
I had a guy to root for in BJ Penn.
I knew his name.
I knew his background.
I think he's Hawaiian or something.
And I knew his pedigree and all that stuff, and I'd seen him fight before. So to see him lose
like that way, and even for a layman like me, I could tell that this is fishy, this isn't right.
And the thing was, this would have been a great victory for BJ Penn to pull in. Is it GSP? Yeah,
he was huge then. He was the shit. Dude, so in that tough series that you talked about when Jens Pulver,
they have this challenge where the coaches do something against each other.
It's not a fight. It's like a race or a soccer match or something like that.
And when it was BJ Penn versus Jens Pulver, they played ping pong against one another.
And at the time i was
training a lot and stuff and i used to daydream about how i do against these fighters and uh even
in my dreams it doesn't go well you know it's it's a bloodbath it's like you surprise them for
like half a second they're like oh he's got me no yeah i don't think though but i'll tell you this
in real life if i ever meet bj penn and we play ping pong
i will fuck him up i believe he is awful he is terrible and i'm half decent i've seen woody play
ping pong and uh i don't think i'd ever even played at all so my game amounts to basically
getting it back and forth i can do that okay you know it's it's about sending it back and forth
more like it's more like playing catch than playing a competitive game. I can do that too.
Yeah, well, you can do more than that.
Woody's over there fucking like he's holding the paddle backwards
like one of those Chinese guys that Forrest Gump faced off with.
He's coming at me.
Yeah!
He's like yelling as he – like a grunt,
and the ball's coming spinning at me.
Yeah, I've got a top spin.
My forehand in particular, like as a player, I'm good.
But if you lob it to my forehand, I'm great.
I'll take you down.
Will you?
I might be able to.
I'm in spaces.
It depends how good you are,
because there's such a huge middle ground of ping pong.
There is.
Where there are some people who will say, like,
I'm really good at ping pong,
and you play with them, and they're really not.
And then other people will be like,
oh yeah, we had a table growing up,
and they'll just buttfuck you,
but they don't make a big deal out of it
because it's ping pong.
And who really cares?
But yeah, if you're on the regular level of good,
I think I might be able to give you a competition.
What other table?
I'd love to try this.
Yeah, yeah.
And that's where i am i'm
on the regular level of good like so when i worked at cisco um there was a guy who's saying he was on
his collegiate ping pong team in india and uh you know he would beat me whatever like 21 16 21 18
but they weren't blowouts yeah no i could play with him yeah and I don't know
table sports
is anyone here good at say pool
or air hockey
magic the gathering count
air hockey I can do
I got aggressive
I would love to play you
can I tell my air hockey story
I have an air hockey table
so when I was a teenager we used to go to the boardwalk to like pick up chicks every night and a hundred percent of the
time it would just devolve into us playing air hockey yeah we like we go
we'd like whatever troll for an hour to troll it like the fishing sense where
you you look for girls and and then after we strike out we would play ping
pong and yeah I had a really aggressive game.
You know, I would do this thing where I held the shuttle with two fingers
so it would flip around and I'd hit it much quicker than anybody could
just by shoving it forward.
And yeah, I've got the straight shot and a one bounce shot
and decent defense.
That's all I had but yeah i uh i
was i forgot i was doing like a bunch of meetups and there was one where there was an air hockey
table and i was like yeah i'll play people and i won like eight in a row and then this guy
that it was the first time i'd ever seen someone hold it with two fingers
played me and he i think i might have scored once on him. He completely destroyed me.
And after that night, I then massively researched air hockey
because I was like, how?
How do I do it?
And that's where I learned about the different grips, triangle defense,
about how when you are playing defense, you always need to defend back,
essentially, if you want to turtle.
And then since then, yeah, I can beat, like, 99% of people.
But if anyone else cares.
I'm so bad at it.
I'm just like, because my goal is to hit it as hard as I fucking can.
That's all I care about.
I just want to pow!
You're the worst person to play with.
I hate playing air hockey with someone.
And, like, what's supposed to happen, you're supposed to, like, measure attacks.
Like, oh, ah, damn it, like, didn't get that one.
You're trying to aim it into that little slot that they can't cover some people it's like oh you want to play and
you just know it's going to be shit when they start and they go ready all around
the thing and of course hits it and flips out and it's you take my table
when anyone goes for it while there's it's like a little off the air I'm like
you're an asshole you're trying to take my eye out.
So when I play people who aren't good,
a lot of times it's closer than it needs to be because
I'm fucking around.
I'll play it out by the center line
and stuff, like, real aggressively.
Yeah, but
I used to have game. It's been a while. I might not
anymore.
I feel like it's one of those things that it's easy to just bounce back into.
I'm not good at pool, but sometimes people say I am because they're even worse.
If I get up, I'll probably hit two to four balls in.
Yeah.
If you're a little bit patient, you can be passively good in pool.
As long as you're not just walking up there and within three seconds just taking a shit shot and being like oh i suck
and then just taking the same kind of shot the next time like it doesn't take that much to be
great at it it takes a little tiny bit of intelligence though i'm sorry to cut off your
story i can't wait for it but like there are people who just don't get angles at all
no yeah i'm sorry it's a lot of geometry.
But yeah, this wasn't even a story as much as it is like two sentences.
But my great-grandpa hustled us when we were, I guess I was like seven.
And we had a pool table and we wanted to play.
And he was like 90 or 88 at the time or something.
So super feeble.
And it turned out he was a professional pool player in like the 40s or something.
And he just ran the whole table just like telling us how we didn't know about the good old days.
A little bit of racism slipped out, but for the most part, it was a good family memory.
It was like we played pool.
He said some stuff.
It was great.
Yeah.
How about we just go back to the pool, Grandpa?
You know, have more rants about Vietnam.
Yeah, I'm like, i think it's just like
because i inherently suck at geometry is why i'm not that good at pool and also the spin on the
ball like i i then overthink it and then just no it's a bad time yeah i'm not even good enough to
like spin and do the like like oh there's a ball between the cue ball and my object here so i'll
just go around it i'm I'm not that guy.
Oh, man.
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I hate when I can't remember something like that.
I'm like, uh, bracket?
Just go to, yeah.
It's this button right here.
It's this line.
I always love hearing those stories.
I always love hearing those stories about someone that bought Bitcoin back in the day.
And then they're like, oh, let me check out this old, oh my God, I'm rich.
Or the other ones where they're like oh let me check out this old oh my god i'm rich or the
other ones where they're like i had like 20 bitcoin i bought a pizza with it and now you
know he realized he left the lost out on like 700 000 at today's prices there you go chis the best
is the guy who threw the hard drive away with with an enormous amount like maybe two million
dollars that's the number that's coming to my head he and and so he's he was literally out in the dump looking for it and i don't mean the dump like your neighborhood
dump where there might be like a thousand people's garbage he was in i think he was in england and it
was a landfill he's out there like michael scott looking for the sales uh leads digging through
boxes and shit like looking for two million dollars and who right? Like, I would hire a team of people.
I would look for some sort of a device
that's good at scanning for hard drives.
Like, I don't know what that would be, but
it's two million? Like, you gotta
get some cheap labor and get out there and start digging.
That seems like the easiest way to become a
crazy person, because even if you get a team,
you can't trust that team,
because they're gonna be like, I didn't find a hard drive.
No, no, I would have inspection. I would run my team just like they run those diamond mining teams
in South Africa and places.
Like, at the end of the day,
if anyone's got a rock in their ass or anything,
just immediately just fucking chop their hand off,
whatever it takes.
Like, you've got to be looking in their gums
and make sure you don't have anything trying to smuggle out of there.
You can't allow that.
Well, I know the natural instinct is immediately to go for hands,
but you're actually really inhibiting their future diamond worth.
Oh, we don't want them around.
I mean, no, no, no.
Noses, ears, eyelids for their last day,
so they have to focus.
Just little things like that is what's going to separate your sweatshop
from those around you.
Fair enough. I like your style. from those around you. Fair enough.
I like your style.
Bangladesh, Cambodia, possibilities are endless.
I don't know.
I feel like if you actually owned a company with those products that those poor little Cambodian hands are making over there, those kids, you could never go visit the plant.
You have to keep that distance in your head.
Like, if you're the CEO of Apple, you know,
I really doubt you ever just, you know,
the annual trip to the Indian factory
where people are jumping into nets
that they threw up there so you won't kill yourself.
Have you guys seen that?
I would. I wouldn't care, you know.
I feel like if it's, you know, as long as it's legal, I'm down.
You know, if it's illegal to, like, pay some sort of slave child labor in India, then I'm not going to do that.
But if there aren't any laws that are going to stop me, then, I mean, what will?
I mean, yeah, I trust the Indian government to do what's in the best interest of those billions of children.
Look, if there's ever a case of overpopulation, it's India.
I mean, do they really need tighter safety regulations?
If anything, they need to loosen things up a bit.
More arsenic in the toothpaste.
More shitting in the streets.
That river is too damn clean, I say.
India needs a plague, right?
They'd be doing themselves a favor.
We were talking about the Ganges a couple weeks ago and how filthy it is.
And it really is just an awful thing.
I mean,
you know, I guess everybody
around the world has pollution issues, but the
Ganges River is just an abomination.
There is a sewage treatment plant
about 15 miles from here
and we used to play baseball
near it and every now and then if somebody
hit a real dinger, it'd go in the shit pond.
The shit pond looks much
cleaner than the Ganges.
Kyle, can you rattle your
wire? Somebody's
ticking or something.
With me, I run a tight ship
over here. We'll see if that
fixed it. I haven't heard it since.
Perfect. Alright.
Do you guys want to do an AMA question?
I would love to do that.
I'm interested in everyone's take on this, really.
I'm 21.
I recently landed a $50,000 a year job,
and I'm trying to decide whether to move out of my parents' house
or buy a Mustang.
Renting a room in a house with a few roommates
will cost $1,200 a month versus $600 for the car.
I know Woody will say,
live at home and save every penny,
but I'm curious to see what you guys
think specifically with women will having a car outweigh the fact that i live with my parents
all right so could you sum up the options the options are move out with friends
or buy a car and have a car yeah it's money can go to either one of those places
it depends where you live if you live in a city where public transportation is a big thing if you
expect you're in los angeles you don't need a car but if you live somewhere like i do you live in
the middle of tennessee or something like that where it where a social life is really vehicle
dependent and uber isn't a fucking thing here,
then you need the car.
And I think the car... There's definitely a bell curve here,
and on either side of it are good ideas, I suppose,
but it depends where you live.
Like I said, if you can get public transportation,
then move out and be with your friends.
And maybe you guys can pool some money together,
or maybe one guy has a car,
and you all can bum off of him and get around. But you'll have a place to take girls to fuck which is what you really want to
achieve early in life the sooner you achieve that the sooner you'll start getting laid more because
they you don't want to i have you don't be fucking girls at your parents house it's a whole debacle
it the best case scenario your mom's gonna like shame you and like give you some sort of sort of
weird sexual hang-up or something i bet i bet woody's mom if there were some if they if you were banging that's my fetish that's
my fetish now i did i just daydream that my mom comes and gives me weird looks i don't
that's where i was going with it did you ever like bring a girl home and like like to your
bedroom and when you were younger like i'm not necessarily saying sex but did you ever have
girls over in a private setting at your home it's uncomfortable and your parents were your
parents like which way did they ever feel like you're safe did they make you feel like kind of
shamed about or or did they kind of tease you a little bit about it or are they just kind of like
nonchalant about it the same way you were about their ridiculous sexual antics i guess they
um they were like well you know the the corks out of the bottle now we just need to make sure that
he behaves appropriately well works out of the bottle that's what i would expect from them but
i feel like most parents aren't that way so yeah my my recommendation is get a car if the if a car
is going to be important if you're an area with no public transportation but if you can get public
transportation you don't really need the car.
Uber or the bus or fucking ride your bike, you'll get in good shape.
Do one of those things.
I have a thought on this.
Dude, you make $50,000 a year.
Why the fuck are you contemplating a $600 a month Mustang?
Is there not some halfway thing?
I'm looking at new cars, and I'm looking at
an $8,000 Mustang.
Why is yours $600 a month?
What are you doing on this? It sounds to me
like he's going to the Ford dealership
and buying a decked out
brand new Mustang.
Mustangs are cheap.
Dude, you could get a beautiful looking Mustang
with great paint and a V8 for $8,000.
Chase is about to type something, and this is one of his areas of expertise.
Sounds like he's getting a $20,000 car.
You can find an awesome Mustang for $3,000.
Maybe you can, but I'll tell you what.
$7,000 or $8,000, you can find one first day.
$7,000 or $8,000, if that's your budget, you can find one immediately.
And if you're earning $50,000 a year, maybe that's where you should be.
You're getting a Mustang so expensive
that you can't move out of your mom's house?
What is $50,000 a year after taxes, though?
I assume he's single.
I don't know that he's paid.
Yeah, I mean, that's the thing.
I totally understand.
You're 21.
I totally get that you're thinking about women.
But for me, if I'm thinking long, long term, maybe I'm a loser at heart.
I'm like, save as much money as possible.
That's loser talk.
Go on.
It is loser talk.
Save as much money as possible at home.
Hustle like crazy.
And then when you move forward, then move on.
Oh, I'm not with you on that.
No, and that's fine.
This is me looking back because when I was a kid, I moved out as fast as I could.
I got out at 17.
I got a place.
I barely had like a dollar to my name.
I'm glad I did it.
I'm glad I had that struggle, but if he's thinking about it this much and he's asking
people on the internet about it, I think
I don't know. I did the same thing, same
struggle. I made a hell of a lot less. This guy made
$17,000 a year.
Different time, inflation, motherfucker.
Okay, but $17,000
20 years ago is probably like $24,000
now, $26,000 now.
Certainly
not $50,000.
This guy's rolling compared to where I was depends where he lives
50 grand in my little neck of the woods
like Jeremy supports a family on less
than that you know what I mean but if
you live in Los Angeles again
then that won't even support your Starbucks habit
I shared an apartment with
someone else in low income housing
on my money you know with drug dealers
around us and wife beaters and shit
like that. Probably Toby lived there. So, forgive me, Toby. Anyway, what was I going to say? Yeah,
yeah. But so moving out was a priority to me and I drove an old Chevy Cavalier station wagon
because I got it cheap from my dad. And this guy's looking at a brand new Mustang that's so expensive to the point where he
can't afford a place to live.
I don't know.
I think you should move out, learn to budget, start.
You know what?
You know what?
I think this is one topic that I think that you actually convinced me as far as like,
yeah, I'd say move out.
Yeah, definitely.
A place is way more important and just get yourself a used car.
Yeah.
You don't need a new Mustang.
That's not even like a car, I think,
unless you're super into fucking Mustangs,
that you're going to be happy with in four years,
where you're going to be like,
man, I'm glad I bought that brand new Mustang then.
I don't know.
On a related topic,
so I've been car shopping for people who watch my vlogs.
I did it again today.
I think I want an older work truck that I'm not afraid to use hard
and something fun to drive.
And it's occurred to me that Kyle is in that position already.
Kyle, would you do anything differently?
Like old truck, fun car.
You think you got it right?
I might go to the exact opposite of that now that i've done it one way um because i feel like it would be nice to
have an old classic car now that i've had the new fat sports car like i bought i bought a brand new
super sport camaro and i drove an older truck for a while i my truck now i guess is 2008 so
eight years old shit time moves fast
so now I've got like an 8 year old truck and a couple
and my car's getting older now too but anyway
I bought a brand new car I think this time around
I would go the other way a new truck
might be nice to put 4 people in
and drive around and it'd be
nice and not have to always be fucking worried
about wheel bearings apparently my truck's been
giving me issues lately but then I feel
like an old classic car like a like a 70s uh trans am or something or i really like the old 69
stingray corvette something like that uh would really appeal to me so i don't know i might go
the other way but no i wouldn't change the way i did it thus far uh when i initially got my camaro
i had this talk with my dad i was because for a similar price I could do two things for 40 grand I could either get a brand new super sport Camaro
Or I could build the pimpest 69 Camaro of all time
I could I could because you can buy these kits that they're basically like a brand new
1969 super sport Camaro, it's it's it's not fiberglass even it's it's sheet metal
You can buy the whole body kit
But by the time you get the body kit and the frame and the engine that i
would want to put in there and deck it out the way i would want it you're back to close to forty
thousand dollars and i asked my dad about this and he was like you want that new car with the new air
conditioning the new radio the new everything like on star i love on star i don't use it anymore i
use my phone at this point but yeah on star is really good i'm sorry on star is great because
it's so noob friendly and if you if you're ever driving by yourself
And you're having to like fuck with a phone and sometimes you can lose service during the mountains
But with OnStar it's like it's a satellite phone for one thing which I love my phone my car comes with a satellite phone for
Free and I bought a hundred minutes for like I
Don't know $50 and I've never used them, but I know that if I'm ever stranded somewhere, I've got a fucking
satellite phone that works in my car.
I like that a lot.
And then the OnStar, it's a human being you can talk
to. It's not like a Garmin or
that's a little old school. It's not like Apple Maps
or something where it's not really intuitive. Siri's
great, but nothing beats like
Montrail or whoever you get on the other
end of the line when you press OnStar.
Because I've literally been driving with a date before late in Atlanta.
And I've,
I've been like,
Hey man,
we just left the movies.
It's one in the morning.
We,
we still want to eat somewhere nice.
Where can we go?
And he's like,
well,
let me what you want.
You won't steak.
You won't barbecue.
You want some,
you want some chicken and waffles.
I was like chicken and waffles.
He's like,
yeah,
Reetha Franklin's got a joint down on 15th street.
And I was like,
send us, you know, like, like he'll cook you you i've asked them your car and you follow your directions yeah i've been in texas and asked for a good steakhouse before i've been like
our pride i was like you know we're real what did i say i said aretha franklin um that he'll ask you
know what's your price range you want to spend fifty dollars on this steak you want to spend
a hundred dollars on this steak and we're like kind of fancy trip let's spend a hundred
dollars on this steak he's like all right that's a good decision you want to go to sullivan's on
fifth street i'm like send us and he just does i like that and it's in some regards i feel like
it's an old people navigation my dad loves that shit he'll have these long drawn out conversations
with them that make the other people in the car awkward. I've been in the car, like, embarrassed looking out the window because I can't bear.
What does he bring up with him?
Well, first of all, he has a very formal conversation.
Hi, thank you for calling OnStar.
This is Marie.
How can I help you?
Hey, Marie, how are you doing today?
I'm doing great.
How are you doing, Mr. Myers?
Well, I'm doing all right. We're out in Texas right now.
We're on a little vacation with the boys.
We all drove out here, been out about a week, been doing a little hunting,
been doing some sightseeing. It's a great place out here.
Already too much.
Yeah, yeah. He literally told her one morning, he's like,
my nephew here just ate a big stack of flapjacks.
He's like, he's going to be constipated.
They didn't think he could eat them, but he did.
And it was true.
He's telling her.
Yeah, yeah.
Because he likes bullshitting with people and fucking with people like I do.
I guess that's why I do.
But I'll give you a perfect example.
One night, someone calls the house.
It's an older lady, and she asked for James.
There's no James at our house.
My dad says, oh, James, you haven't heard he's locked up she's like no no he's like yeah yeah he's locked up we over here now
trying to get up eighteen hundred dollars for his bail we we got about 300 right now i guess i could
pop in one or two but i don't think we're gonna be able to get him out this week james locked up
it's the drugs again it's the drugs again. It's the drugs again.
Yeah, I know.
I know how it is.
You know, we got to band together and pray for him,
and he never told her different.
She called back.
Mama made him call.
I think either my mom made my dad call and said it right,
or she herself.
Yeah, she called the woman back and was like,
I'm sorry, my husband was just fucking with you. We don't know who james is he's certainly not in jail and you've called the
wrong number like he routinely does this shit so that's an example of fucking with someone
just listing off the monotony of your day to the on star lady is not fucking with them like if i
call somebody's a prank and just tell them about my dmv experience in deadpan i'm not i'm not pranking them i'm just being a dick like i'm taking up their time he's
not trying to prank them as much as he's just like trying to make you uncomfortable no it's not even
that he doesn't know he's doing it i guess it's just the way that i deal with certain people like
like i feel like i'm very short with the people on OnStar because I want to
speed things along. I feel like they just want to get me serviced or whatever and move
on to their next customer. I imagine maybe they're timed on their performance and that
could be part of their pay scale. This guy might be over there sweating while my dad
goes on and on about pancakes like, shit, this is going to fuck up my turnover rate.
I was at 48 seconds. I had it. I had I'm gonna go over a minute
Because this guy I'm gonna lose my bonus like I don't know maybe that's part of it
So I'm just like I need to get to Walmart the nearest Walmart
They and I know I know their whole spiel so I cut them off and like give them all the information that they even want
They'll say do you need anything else? No, thank you. That's all have a nice day
They can't say anything else after that. They can't say anything else out they can't ask me any more questions or any like upsells or
anything like that i just want to get on my day i'm gonna do that technique of talking over people
like i get the same fuckers even though it has to be on the do not call list from some credit card
company all the time where they they call and they tell you that you qualified for their new card
which fucking everybody and their mom can qualify for that card, and you have to just do, like, the whole, yeah, yeah, thanks, oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I know
I'm missing out, I know I'm missing out, all right, I will talk to you later, yep, nope,
no, tomorrow is not a good time, neither is the day after, nope, take me off the list,
all right, but, yep, you too, no, no, no, no, absolutely, bye-bye, bye-bye, like, you
just, you have to just keep talking, otherwise they'll, they have to bring up the deal you're
gonna get, because they've got a manager looking at them over their shoulder whoever had my last phone whoever had my phone
number last i should say well i say whoever but let's just be honest joelisa uh she didn't pay
her bills at aaron's which i think is one of those rent to own places and they call me semi
regularly uh to find out about that television.
And for the longest time, I was like, you've got the wrong number.
I'm not Jolisa.
Please take me off the list.
But now I just play it up.
I'm like, no, no.
This is Jolisa's boyfriend.
You're not getting it back.
No, we're watching it right now.
Yeah, I'm playing Xbox on that shit.
You can't come get it.
Come get it.
I dare you. Fucking hang up on him like i hope i'm
causing lots of problems for joe lisa i hope they're sending like some sort of like credit uh
uh recovery uh team in there that's like a swat team but they come to fuck up people who don't
pay for their errands television sets this happens to hope too yeah yeah she has um joe lisa she has
credit uh what the hell collection agents calling her all the time
on the phone and they hound her and like jackie's spoken to him like you are calling a minor you
are hounding her while she's in class while she's this you know and just i don't know they didn't
the first couple times they didn't remove her from the list but they seem to have now yeah scumbags yeah no yeah it always takes a few times i really thank you calling to collect your debt makes you a
scumbag they're very the very nature of their business is scummy you realize that that like
the the money that's owed isn't owed to them it's not you but the people who are calling you bought
your debt from someone else on for for pennies on the dollar. They're not nice guys. I remember I was in college.
I had just started YouTube
and getting some traction and I was
in massive debt because I had
loans on top of my grants,
on top of maxing out credit cards.
They were calling
me and I was like, I'm going to be able to
pay you. I just got into this thing.
It's called the YouTube Partner Program.
A bunch of people online watch my stuff.
I get paid off ads. And then, rather than
letting me finish, it's like, oh, so you're a big shot.
If you're a big shot, you got money to pay
your damn bill. And I'm like, crazy.
Like, crazy. And hounding
me at all hours to the point that
I felt like I was going to break down.
And so that's why I get that
it's their job. We can give
shit to meter maids and they're whatever. The people that's why I get that it's their job. We can give shit to meter maids and they're
whatever. The people that fucking call you for that, most of the time they're the worst
people ever.
Think about why though. So if you over-rise in some money, when they call you to ask for
it, they're not going to be rude because they're in the customer service business first and
foremost. But a collection company, the meaner and nastier they are, the more likely, the better their business goes. They're not, offending
people is their job, frightening people is their job in some regards. In the end,
they really can't do much, it doesn't seem, other than call you a lot and
they've been calling Jolese, I swear to God, I get like three or four phone
calls a week, it's infuriating. I like to get my nap around 1 in the afternoon.
So, I hate that they like to call.
I hate that they're calling the wrong number. I mean, that obviously sucks.
But otherwise, they're entitled to their money.
I mean, you spent it
and you owe it, so
pay it back. No, I totally get that.
There's a difference, though, between any
business thing and harassing people.
That's my thing.
I don't know. At WoodyCraft, we've
hired collection agencies. we have one on
retainer and uh um so first they send a letter and it's like a firmly worded letter there may
even be two and then they they hand it over to a group of people that they collectively call
tony and tony you know calls it up and and harasses or whatever but dude like you got to
pay your debts.
Wait, so when you say Woody Craft Collection Agency,
how much are people missing out on?
I don't even know.
We probably wouldn't do it for less than triple digits.
Yeah, I actually have someone else
who kind of manages most of that.
Interesting.
Yeah, yeah.
It goes through like a package or something like that
like we bought like a collection of like 200 collections or something like that and then
we have trouble we're like you know what i have this one to your list you fucking
chase down that guy because speaking of packages yeah go on you guys i was gonna go on i'm sorry
i thought come on god damn it I'm about to launch
into soliloquy over here and you you guys are waiting on me no no I was a
pregnant I was I was building anticipation they were here well I don't
fucking know right now I love a good transition from collecting money for
people not giving you stuff to trying to sell something.
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You were talking about shit, so I'm immediately thinking about the new season of Archer.
Is everybody up to date?
Nope. Nope. Nope.
I think I had it in the last episode.
Three episodes that I've seen?
Yeah, that I'm caught up.
You've watched none, Woody? None.
Okay, well, I won't spoil anything, though.
Thank you.
The shit thing that happened in that lovely
White House was hilarious.
That had me rolling. I think that this season
and the direction they've taken is great.
It's going to be better than last year.
I'll just leave it there because I don't want to spoil anything for Woody.
But very good.
I really like the show.
We'll talk more about it next week.
Someone said, when, if ever, will be the next drinking episode?
And I think we're trying to get an alcohol sponsor.
But there's also the thing
didn't I beat Taylor in a bet?
I did. The Flyers making the playoffs maybe?
Do I get to choose your drink?
Maybe.
I think we're also doing one
where now we're all drinking the exact same thing for it.
So we have to find something.
So I get to choose the drink.
You know it's going to be some woody drink.
Yeah, it just has to be something
that we can all agree on.
You always pick that, like,
woodpecker apple cider.
No, I don't want to do that. That's so much sugar.
See, the bummer about that
is you're not choosing the drink.
We all have to agree on a good thing.
No, because we didn't all win the bet.
I won the bet.
I didn't lose a bet, though, so I shouldn't be forced to drink woodpecker.
I agree. I agree with Kyle. Look didn't lose a bet, though, so I shouldn't be forced to drink woodpecker. I agree.
I agree with Kyle.
Look, here's how you do this, alright?
The important thing is that it's the same
percentage of alcohol per volume,
right? It doesn't matter if I have a Bud
Light and you have a Miller Light, as long
as we have the same percentage of alcohol per volume.
It's when we start making some sort of
Kahlua and
mixture or like I've got a
Yeah, it can't be
Chia's can't be over there sipping some
Crown while I sip my
beer and Woody drinks
his mixed drink. It just won't work. So we have to
get the same percentage of alcohol per volume.
Woody will never drink straight liquor
so it has to be a 5.5%
malt beverage of some kind.
He can drink whatever he wants, but we have to also drink beers.
And also, Taylor drinks whatever I want him to drink because he lost the bet.
Yeah, maybe.
Come on, Fuckdodge.
You all saw the episode.
You know what happens.
Depends how much I want to adhere to that.
Have you guys had a liquor sponsor before?
No.
No.
My experience in the past
is it's always tricky like anyone that even looks under you guys are fine because none of you look
under like 25 but if it's like anyone even remotely looks sorry kyle i know you use moisturizer it's
good but you can tell i think it might be the the dead guy with the gun on his back in the background. Like, only a man would do that.
But, yeah, like, we had a deal with a sponsor that I won't name, Liquor Brand.
It was a big money deal, and we ended up getting paid,
but we didn't post the videos because they were just so scared,
just so scared about anything even remotely negative,
or if you do shots in a game
if anyone seems like they're getting out of control or like it could be something past
light drinking yeah seems like it's gonna be responsibly yeah they want that partly
that's the best thing about those commercials it's always everyone's going insanely hard
and then it's like drink responsibly like those people wouldn't be doing that
They're like go go go go
though
Well, we should all go to put you at all these guys do it having a fucking blast
You know
These guys are having the time of their lives, but not you you sit there
You have a beer beer and a half tops, and you head home you fuck fuck off. Yeah, I'm gonna do whatever I want
Yeah, complete plausible deniability that's all that it is it's just every beer commercial is like a pan and it's a bunch of people going bananas just
and then it pans to some dude who looks a little lonely but just suave enough to not come off
lonely with like half a beer being like nah nah one heineken i'm good i had my fun for tonight
i'm gonna hop in my car and go home it's like nobody drinks like that
we got a vodka sponsor one time
and I don't remember what the cash deal was
it was great it was good
I was happy with it or whatever but the cool part
about it was they sent me cases
of this vodka multiple
I had like 60 bottles of it
or something like that
I don't even like it and so this is what I did
I literally took bottles of vodka big big bottles of vodka, and used them as targets.
Just fucking shooting them with a rifle and just vaporizing them.
With the vodka in there?
You didn't even...
I had so many.
I was just giving them to people, you know, because I had all these flavors.
There was like, of course, straight vodka, but there was like strawberry and lemon and
berry and all that crap.
I hate the shit.
So I'm just...
I filmed half a video where I'm like shooting those.
I think what we're going to do is when Epic Mealtime came down, I was going to put them in a video.
But we were so pressed for time that like we didn't get to it.
But there were sausage grenades and exploding turkeys.
And a bone from a whole turkey came back at me and stuck in my fucking leg and made me bleed.
And that's how how yeah that so that
put an end to that shooting day so we didn't end up getting our video film but there's a part of it
where i'm blasting full bottles of vodka with an sks and there's just i wouldn't have pictured you
doing that with vodka just by knowing you and your personality like i feel like if someone gives you
that much free vodka suddenly you're really into making the perfect cocktail or something because you're into stuff like fries especially cooking like i feel like you would get obsessed
with that too it's not but but alcohol i just don't like i don't like being drunk like i've
never been happy like i've never been drunk and really enjoyed it i guess i liked it a little
but but most of the time when i'm drunk i'm just like oh no it feels like i just got off the
ferris wheel and uh and or like a like i'm one of those merry-go-rounders.
Yeah, scrambler or something.
I feel I'm mostly just dizzy and a little incoherent, and I'm not sharp anymore.
And I like being sharp.
You know, I like to be able to be my socially dynamic self.
And I feel like if I'm drunk, I'm just a fucking loser asshole over there who can't hold his shit together
and is vomiting on the side of the car going 70 miles an hour while Joe Lozon tries to film it with his fucking phone.
Well, there's a middle ground there.
None of the waitress at the Tilted Kilt.
That was just a disaster.
How much pussy have I missed out on because of alcohol?
Alcohol does not get you laid more.
You want to be sober when you're on the hunt.
We're at the Tilted Kilt
and because Paul's girlfriend
runs the promo for like all of the
Tilted Kilts, it's like a
Tilted Kilt's like a Hooters but with Scottish chicks
and with big tits hanging out everywhere
and it's like a sports bar at the same time so half the
TV's in this place and it's full of TV's, half the TV's
are playing like SportsCenter, ESPN
whatever the NFL game is that night
the other half is playing my videos on loop.
I totally could have gotten some pussy.
But instead, I just kept drinking the free drinks
that the fans were sending over there,
and it was just like, a shot of Jameson for everyone!
And it was like, ahhh!
And then I'm vomiting on the side of the car for the rest of the night.
That was my night.
And then I have...
Potentially great night ruined.
And I was so drunk that, like,
I have foggy memories about some stuff.
Like, the waitstaff in the back knew who I was, and they wanted have foggy memories about some stuff.
The wait staff in the back knew who I was,
and they wanted to go out back.
And at the time, I smoked cigarettes,
so we're all out back smoking cigarettes.
And I'm wasted, and we're talking, and Jeremy's with me.
And Phil, you don't know, but Jeremy's a guy who... He's worked with me for a long time,
and he's very quick to kind of weasel in on some free shit
or some sort of like influence that,
that knowing me might get him,
you know,
sometimes that's,
that's very little,
but if he can get anything out of it,
he,
that's,
that's his goal.
And I can,
I'm out there drunk,
like by these dumpsters with the owner of the restaurant.
I just have signed a shotgun in the back of his office.
He had a gun at work and,
uh,
and he is hounding this guy for free booze.
He's like,
what about those kegs over there? Well, you got kegs we couldn't have a keg and he's like i can't give you a keg
he's like what about a case what about a case of miller light and he's like yeah i guess you
because there's all we're in the back where the booze is he's like yeah you could have a case
he's just begging for stuff out there and ieless. I'm drunk to shame him down.
I remember sitting in the bathroom on the toilet,
just sitting on the toilet, head in my hands,
just going like, you ruined your night.
You ruined your night.
You ruined your night.
So I don't drink anymore. I guess I will for the drink.
Not at all.
No, not at all.
Not a bit.
So you don't even like the taste,
like if you're out to dinner and you see like a beer or something on tap that you think sounds really good?
You know, I like the idea of being a connoisseur of anything, really.
I like being knowledgeable about a specific thing.
I enjoy doing that and delving into stuff.
If I liked the taste of wine, I'd probably become a sommelier or whatever.
stuff uh i i if i like the taste of wine i'd probably become a sommelier or whatever but i there's been so many instances where i i i fed into that that idea uh and ordered the beer that
that craft beer or that fine wine or whatever and i was just like this is just rotten grape
juice i shouldn't have paid you know 65 last glass. $65 for a glass? What the fuck are you doing?
I'm buying fucking nice wine at Morton's Steakhouse.
It's fucking expensive.
I remember me and White Boy did the exact same thing.
We were sitting there.
We were at Morton's, and it was me, White Boy, his girlfriend, Kelly, and Kitty.
And I don't think he'd ever been there before.
Maybe it was his first Morton's trip.
So we were buying, and he was like, maybe he'd ever been there before. Maybe it was his first Morton's trip, so we were buying.
He was like, maybe I'd like
some nice wine. The waitress
was like, well, this will pair well
with your ribeye, sir, or whatever he'd gotten.
He was like, oh, it will, will it?
Very well. I just remember him being,
no,
that doesn't pair well with anything.
Me being like, man, and me having a sip
and being like, yeah, we're just classless over here.
I'll be with you.
We can both be whatever you are when you don't like the taste
of this bitter, rotten grape juice,
because that's the position I'm in.
I just don't care for it.
Yeah, I'm on the page with that specifically.
Not very good.
Phil?
I think I just get angry at those prices, right?
Whether it be for the wine or if you go to a place where, like those bottles of vodka that you were shooting, right?
So those, depending on the size, what, you can get somewhere from $30 to $85, right?
But then you enter it into a club and some sparklers, and that shit's $700.
Yep.
Exactly.
That's what it is.
I remember we were at a club called The Box in Manhattan,
and the owner had hooked us up.
He had put us right by the stage of this place.
But I guess he wasn't hooking us up on drinks
because the people I was with were very wealthy,
and it was just they wouldn't expect free drinks.
Why would they?
So fucking bottle service at our table, they one bottle of absolute vodka it was the big bottle
it was you know the one like this a bottle of absolute and three mixers i remember the mixers
were in glass bottles too there was like orange there was like oj cranberry juice and i don't
know what the third one was it was eight hundred dollars before the tip but but the kind of service that this guy
that i was with was getting was the kind where they brought him cocaine at the table and i was
like where are we that was an absurd night i got to meet a medal of honor winner that night we drove
around in a race car around manhattan got pulled over by undercover nypd and the guy i was with
completely talked his way out of it and kept going.
He was the world record
holder for the cannonball run, which is when you
drive from New York to LA non-stop.
And because he had accomplished it
so fast, he got interviewed by
the FBI and all these government
agencies and law enforcement agencies
wanted to know, how did you do that?
How did you subvert all of the traffic
laws and and systems
in place and so he would go around doing these speaking engagements and became wealthy from the
speaking engagements and they they like he's got his picture with all you know the the the head of
the fbi and all these other agencies because what they did was they planned it for like a year they
had planes in the air flying ahead scouting they had all the reports for where speed traps were so
they could avoid them and And they were in a
souped up BMW four-door,
I believe, hauling ass, at times
150 miles an hour, across
the country, non-stop, four men in a car.
So I meet that
guy on some rooftop club.
I don't remember what it was.
Kitty told me it was some sort of rich people's club.
Like, I don't know, you gotta pay like eight grand a year to even be
a member. But they got me up there somehow because Kitty was a member and so was this other guy.
I really enjoy the company of rich people.
Oh, it's so great.
Before you don't.
I love the company of rich people.
Oh, no.
I'm so –
Really?
Yeah.
Maybe we meet different rich people.
Well, I have a crisis about it.
I grew up very, very poor and i hated
anyone that had money and then you know then i got it and then i realized that it's not just
people with money it's it's there's a lot of shitty people it's just that people with
money can be really really shitty and more louder about their shittiness. But yeah, that's just... I know one rich guy who I don't like.
He's classless.
Do you know who I'm thinking of?
Of course I do!
Write it down.
I think you'd...
I bet he's talking about Trump.
No.
No!
Right.
Okay.
Oh, Kyle.
Here, I will type it down.
I was saying he was talking about you.
So... I don't know was talking about you. So.
I don't know anything about that guy.
You don't know that guy.
Anyway, he has no class.
I saw him treat his staff very badly.
You know, he was frustrated, and I didn't like that.
And, but most of the people I, like, if they're really rich and I spend time with them, they're in a great mood.
Everything is fine.
Everything is cool.
It's not just that they're buying me stuff.
It's that they seem to have figured out how to enjoy life.
They're like semi-retired almost.
And it's wonderful.
I've met a lot of rich people and hung out with a lot of rich people.
And they're from vastly different sources of money.
Some of them were inherited money.
There was one guy who did all of the shrubbery
for the Home Depots or somewhere where they...
I think, yeah, for the Home Depots
or something like that in Florida.
He had this massive shrubbery ranch,
hundreds of acres, and he was crazy wealthy.
Great guy to be around, just very generous.
And again, it's not that he's giving you things,
it's that he's in your company, company and that is a gift and into itself like being with him is more fun because
We're gonna hop in his cool car and go to his cool place and do these cool things that he only he can do it's
An exclusivity that is available to him, and it's often clear that they appreciate that
I rarely am around the rich guy who like thinks his shit doesn't
stink or or doesn't appreciate his his own wealth when we hang out with mo you know and you know
he's got access to the private jet he's got access to the maxim models and he's got like access to
that special forces training ground and it's just like this guy's got it figured out he's so much
fun we went to a restaurant with mo so he got he like sort of i don't know how you do it
you rent that part of the restaurant so there's no strangers that are like being noisy and stuff
it's really nice yeah he took over the whole basement of a very nice restaurant and the staff
were ours yeah yeah and uh you know again it's not like he's buying it for me but just you get
to live the i don't know very rich lifestyle i was going to take a guess but you get to live the i don't know very rich lifestyle i was going to take a guess but you get to live
the lifestyle of a super duper rich guy um for a night or two and uh and he wasn't a douche about
it at all it was just like yeah wouldn't it be nicer if we had the whole restaurant let's do that
you know and just don't feel about it it wasn't like he was cocky he was like you know what
i'll take the whole place.
He was like, you know what, guys?
I think it'd be fun if, hey, could we get the basement?
Could we take the whole place?
Because, all right, well, let's work that out.
Then I think that'll be great.
Hey, Paul, nice to meet you, Paul.
I'm Mo.
This is what we do.
Yeah, this is Jim.
You know Jim?
Great.
And he's just so friendly and jovial.
And the staff is happy to see him.
Great guy.
I went to meet him on a see him. Great guy.
Went to New York to do a private tour.
Great guy.
I think when I think of the rich guy that I don't like,
I have my...
I think there are a good number of people that have their douchey Vegas moment.
You get up from the table,
you're like 10K up, feeling good.
I'm going to snap an Instagram picture of this.
But it's like one picture out of several hundred or several thousand but then there's the guy that it's literally everything
that he's about is the money the money and the car and that's all it is and i think those he's
not my guy is he that i typed in no no i know who you're talking about, though. But no, I'm talking about...
I'm using a general explanation of several different people.
Okay.
But yeah, I've never met any rich people that I didn't care for,
if I'm being completely honest.
They've always been really cool to me.
Maybe they just... Some of them were honestly, I guess,
they liked what I do, and they were as happy to meet me
as I was
to meet them. So maybe that shaped our interaction somewhat. But I saw I've rarely been around
rich people that treated my friends badly. And that always means a lot to me. My cousin
was always there with me as my cameraman. When we go on these trips, we'd have people
working for us. And I would always pay attention to how those people got treated by the people
we were with, because that was that's always really telling about somebody like i always try to treat the wait staff but i mean the guy who
brings me my bottle of water if we worked on something where they i remember we worked on a
thing it was it was the middle of the summer it was a thousand fucking degrees and we were all
out there in the hot sun all day for a week and there was this one guy who was a runner and he
was just running us bottles of water and uh and was like, man, are you stopping to get yourself some water? Because he didn't look like he was.
And he's like, your hydration is my hydration, man.
And then he sprinted away to get someone else a bottle of water.
And I just looked at Hex, and I was just like, that ain't how it works.
That ain't how it works.
You better slow down.
I like to picture you doing that that classic like Alexander the Great story
where he brings you the last water bottle
and you like triumphantly stand there
pour it onto the ground in front of him
just be like you know if there's only enough for one
then there's not enough for all
or just whatever the fuck he said
brilliant
there was enough for everyone he was just being a weirdo
I've got a whole new story
did you guys see that nadeshot bought
another team i knew he was leaving i guess the uh optic i know you were saying that the other day
um oh that's right i knew he was creating a team i wasn't aware he bought one he'd buy one that was
already like put together let me tell you what i know and hopefully maybe chis knows more since then um it happened very quickly when he made the video um he hadn't even told hex yet hex is the
owner of optic and um so he bought a team i forget what its original name was but its new name is 100
thieves and uh it's a cod team that is an underdog team right like optic is i think they're the top team right
now i think they're like obviously the top team in cod right now um so he's starting with a cod
team and then from there who knows where it will go but what was interesting to me is the whole
dynamic now i have no inside information if anyone thinks that i'm like speaking from a
like privileged information spot i'm, just to be clear.
But you can see like Nadeshot,
his popularity has exploded, right?
He's super popular,
perhaps bigger than Optics itself.
And Hex, and you can just observe this from the outside, has like continually sweetened his deal
as his importance to the organization grew.
Like when I first met Nadeshot, he wasn't even on the optic team.
Like way back in his younger days,
he was kind of grumpy to be on the same team with,
so they didn't put him on like the primary team.
And then that worked out and he got on the primary team.
Then it became like the most popular guy on the primary team.
And then even in retirement,
like he's pulling the optic train kind of sort of some would say and he's retired
yes yeah so he doesn't play competitive cod anymore now he's a youtuber and a twitch streamer
i think twitch i'm not sure he's a streamer i think yeah he just recently got back to being
able to stream on twitch there was some mlg there is some legal issue with that
um anyway yeah mlg was the worst thing they ruined um call of duty as in competitive sport
i could go on about that for a while but uh otherwise it would be popular otherwise it could
be dota or league of legends or something but instead it was buried on that platform
and uh it ruined cod but uh back on topic i find it like the business aspect of it to be really interesting.
Where like, you know, Philip, imagine if a guy on SourceFed became more popular than like the rest of the platform combined.
And then, you know, you would have like a really tricky way to manage that.
You know, like are they going to leave and start their own SourceFed?
tricky way to manage that you know like are they going to leave and start their own source fed or um like if that blows up to such an extent it becomes tricker tricky to yeah i mean i feel like
in that way i've i'm a poor businessman because at that point i i i feel like i'm always like a
creative person first um and i would be more than happy for that guy to go off on his own i'd rather
have strong friends than make a dollar off of their hard work
and keep them locked down.
I hear you, and I like the way you're thinking.
You're also really successful on your own.
Totally, and I think that's also what gives me the freedom to be that okay.
Right, right.
If all of a sudden one of my guys, William Haynes, somehow he gets $43 million or $44 million, he knocks PewDiePie off of his number one spot.
Right.
But at that point, as long as that success doesn't ruin someone, then I got to be a pivotal part and hopefully like, you know,
you help people and then they help you.
Yeah. Yeah. So anyway,
it looks like Optic is going to be his own boss and is going out and he's venturing on his own. When he made the video,
he didn't know if he was leaving Optic or not. I forget.
I might've just called him Optic, but Nadeshot's going to go out on his own.
And he may or may not stay as part of Optic, even though he's competing with Optic.
So I guess they're yet to sort that out, as far as I know.
Woody, you got your flamethrower.
How are you enjoying it?
What have you done with it?
So the first day, we just took it out and shot it into the air and stuff like that.
And then more recently, we've used it to light things in the fire pit.
I liked that.
That was in the Day in the Life video, right? It was, yeah. And then more recently we've used it to light things in the fire pit. I liked that. That was in the day in the life video.
It was.
Yeah.
And,
uh,
and it got the job done.
I saw you,
uh,
Kimbo wielding two of them,
like each of them one handed.
And,
uh,
I don't even know if I could,
I needed to be more accurate.
I think than you did.
You were just shooting at a fence in an open field.
If I missed,
I hit the swinging chairs around it
which i did i don't know if you can see if i lit one on fire a little bit and uh and uh but yeah i
had i wanted to do like a first person shooter flamethrower day in the like vlog yeah but it was
the son of a gun to hold the flamethrower was yours full all the way with gas oh yeah yeah mine
was too and it was kind of
heavy for me to hold one-handed and hold the camera in the other hand so you're not like
not full yes yeah that was my uh that was that was one of my concerns initially i worked out a
little bit i don't it's not like i trained or anything but i got my like 35 pound like dumbbells
and you know worked out for yeah three or four days a week for four weeks leading up to that
make sure i was going to be
strong enough to juggle those things around because
I don't know. It's like a 25 or 30 pound weight
in each hand and you got to juggle them. So it's good
to be used to that. I've never
tried
it without trying to hold a camera steady
like with the other hand which
might be a little tougher than just one handed but
yeah. I'm
enjoying the flamethrower thank you for that
oh there's an ama question i swear to god this is here hey kyle can you mail woody that drone
live on pka i don't know how i would mail something live on pka because we filmed it's
like it's literally midnight right now but yeah i'm gonna send it i got everything over here the
box is over there the uh the drone's already in and I'm gonna send you your sky troller and what are you gonna do with that sky troller it's a remote
control so yeah you take your iPad and it snaps into place right here and
there's actually a viewing screen that goes around it to deal with any glare
and this gives you much much better control over the drone and adds a lot of
functionality up here with these buttons so you snap pictures rotate your camera independently from the drone so the drone can do a lot of functionality up here with these buttons. You can snap pictures, rotate your camera
independently from the drone.
The drone can do one thing, the camera can do another.
There's record buttons, snapshot
buttons, lots of readouts and stuff.
Drones are over there. I hate these things.
I'm more than I can read.
What drone does that control? It's the Parrot Bebop.
Okay.
Do you hate it?
I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't either but he's happy to send it to me.
I just got the Phantom 4, and it's so cool.
Yes.
Yes, we used one of those to film with.
It's incredible.
I don't know what the deck is on that, or the ceiling is on that thing, but it's out of sight.
We were out in Texas using it to film a thing, and to send it so fucking high,
it's got the GoPro underneath it fucking filming 4K
completely independent again of the
we were sitting there and there was a mountain about
half a mile away and I was like
what's that white spot on that mountain we've been shooting at
and he was like I don't know
and this thing is over there
in just a few seconds and we're
getting a live feed of exactly what that
white thing was oh it's just like you seconds and we're getting a live feed of exactly what that white thing was. Oh,
it's just like, you know, some bird shit
on a rock. Alright.
What a letdown.
What did you think it was going to be? Like some white gold or something?
I thought it was going to be a shopping bag
that blew up there. Sure. But
anyway, that drone is
very cool. It flies so fast.
It's so reliable. And they're tough as nails. I've seen them
like crash upside down and then spin the props on asphalt you know rubbing them and just
and he just walks over to it nonchalantly picks it up flips the props off pop some more on because
he's got a thousand of them these are not even that expensive and keeps going again those are
those ones the ones i can just take a beating like that on the ground a couple grand for the
whole setup with the camera and everything?
Like $1,400.
Yeah, $1,400.
Wait, does that include all the stuff you need too?
Yeah, it's $1,400.
I saw it on the site.
But then when Kyle said the whole setup, I'm like, right,
do I need a special controller?
Like is it $1,400 is the base price and then?
Well, like I control it with my iPhone.
Like I just pop it in, plug it in, and then you can control it.
We've got a...
For Eric's, on his, he's got a big controller as well.
And it's got his iPad stuck on there.
And the GoPro, the cost of that,
if you want to factor that in on its little gimbal down there and everything.
I think the whole thing was like $2,000 to get everything and be in business. Because you need batteries and extra props, and there's gimbal down there and everything. I think the whole thing was like two grand to get everything and be in business.
Because, you know, you need batteries and extra props,
and there's tax to consider and everything.
In the end, he was in it for about two grand,
and it's very much worth it. Very cool shots you can get from that thing.
Yeah, and then like this new one,
yeah, the battery lasts like 25 minutes.
So you just get a few of those,
especially if you have a truck that you can just
charge stuff in the back.
How long does it take to charge a battery?
I'd say like an hour, hour and a half, maybe.
I mean, that's the thing is usually I just plug it in
and then I forget about it and use the second one.
These have been real annoying.
I would recommend before I even get this to you
that you order some more batteries for these because they're shit.
It's not that the battery life is terrible, although it it's it's that they break they don't charge uh they have this if you if you
google search parrot drone battery flashing red light it's a problem that lots and lots of people
have had and i was like i saw one video it was like fixed for parrot drone battery red light
i look and he's got this thing cracked open and he's soldering, not this, but the
thing it plugs into, cracked open and he's soldering. And I'm just like, that's beyond my
fucking level right there. When I have to do some electrical engineering, you should have made a
better fucking product. And I lost my shit and I put all the drones away and I haven't touched
them since. And so I'm happy to send these motherfuckers to Woody because I purchased two
more of the batteries on my own. And those, I think one of them already failed,
so I'm going to send you three, maybe four working batteries,
and if you want, half a dozen non-working ones.
I feel like drones are so cool,
but when push comes to shove,
when I think about what I would do if I actually got one,
I can't think of anything fun.
What do you even do?
They're so fast, I would think that if you're flying it
around it's almost like by the time you get it up to super high you can hardly even see it
unless you have like one of those two thousand dollar ones with cameras for me it's partly a
question of how bold i am right so for example i recently went car shopping in a vlog right and
i did all my vlogging while the salesman wasn't there because it's just awkward to vlog in front of other people.
Especially as my production quality improves and my camera looks more like a big-time camera, it gets even weirder.
Talking to your cell phone on a scale of 1 to 10 is weird.
But when you get to a bigger rig with the shotgun mic at you, it's even bigger.
But it would be neat if I had a drone going over the dealerships.
It should be a standard part of all sorts of things that I'm doing.
We'll see.
We'll see where this goes.
So these I actually like.
It's their jumping drone.
And you control it with your phone through Bluetooth.
And on command, it will compress uh your phone through bluetooth and on command
it will compress this little like dick it has back here it's very spring loaded and jump so this
thing will jump like three feet like a bundle of coffee table or something like that it's got an
onboard camera it talks randomly like jibber jabber like some sort of pixar robot like
and it's got some flashing lights and and so I'll be, like,
hauling ass through the house with this thing,
and all of a sudden you'll hear,
boom, and it'll fucking launch across,
the dogs are losing their shit,
and, you know, I'm, like, on board piloting it,
taking video and snapshots as I go,
so this is actually fun.
These are their, this is their spider drone.
The idea is, you know, you can't crash it.
If you hit a wall with it,
it'll just keep going up the wall. It'll
drive on the ceiling. You can fly it
any way you want to and it'll just crawl
on walls and stuff. These are like $100.
These are actually pretty fun too to mess around in the house.
I feel like those ones
can't possibly be very fun.
The ones that just make a lot of noise and ruin your
hardwood floor.
And I don't know the reason that just make a lot of noise and ruin your hardwood floor. Like, what?
And I get the reason that they make it go like,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
so you can't just set it up in some girl's room while she's changing.
Like, they have to let you know it's there.
Maybe so.
No, it doesn't.
It's hard to explain the composition of these wheels,
but one thing I will say about the Parrot stuff is it's tough.
It's not that it's tough.
It's that it's, you know, it's bendy. say about the Parrot stuff is it's tough. It's not that it's tough, it's that it's
bendy. It
flexes. This stuff won't break,
it'll just bend. How much is one of those,
did you say? I think
these are $100. These are
like $500, at least for the kit,
probably, and I don't know how much these are.
I've got a lot of them.
Yeah.
I think these used to be a lot more,
but now this and the controller, I think,
can get in a package for like $500.
That's what I'm sending Woody.
This has more fins.
It's bigger than this.
The fins attach here and kind of go around to here.
I just got them over there.
What would happen if you crashed that one pretty bad?
I have crashed this one pretty bad.
It's got a little...
I'm not necessarily sending you this one. I won't send you this one, but I've crashed this one pretty bad. It's got a little, I'm not, I'm
not necessarily sending you this one. I won't send you this one, but I've crashed this one really,
really bad. And that's as bad as it gets. Cause it's all like foam and bendy stuff and flexible
stuff. I've crashed them into trees. Um, the range is like 800 feet, I think 750 feet. And I was
flying it really high, really far away until I just ran out of range and it just did a nosedive into a field
and it makes like a beeping sound
until it runs out of battery when it crashes like that.
So I'm able to go out there and like...
I'm out there for half an hour just listening intently
until I finally hear a beep.
Just kind of beep.
And I know I start getting closer and closer
and finally find the motherfucker,
but the problem is it's somewhere between a toy
and a tool, and I
would rather have a tool,
but for a toy, it's great. It's a very
high-end toy. It's just a low-end tool.
Depends what you're looking for.
I think I would want a high-end toy.
Oh, then you
want one of those like we were just talking about a minute ago.
They are a sponsor
but I'm not actually trying to push
them. I meant everything I said.
They're not paying me to say any of this.
Speaking of sponsors.
Do we have any more?
Oh, I think maybe we have one more.
Trying to do a real smooth transition there.
Yeah, Smoothman watches.
As hosts, well, this actually does kind of play
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Sometimes it's a hit, other times not so
much. Well, movement sent us some watches
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It's like when you get something new and
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Kyle, I saw
you pop up on
my feed so randomly
all the time. I saw
a gif of you the other day.
I think it was front page of Reddit of you
almost getting killed by a door.
Do you remember that? Was that recently?
Nah, that's a couple years ago.
Yeah, I've seen that one a bunch of times.
Yeah, that's totally real.
There have been people who said that's CGI.
I'll own that one. That's real.
I had two camera crews there that day.
One guy filming just off a tripod right behind me
and a bit to the right.
And I had another crew over there filming high speed.
And they had never filmed with me before. I was kind of over there filming high speed, and they had never filmed with me before.
I was kind of experimenting with their high speed.
I had used Richard's prior, and I was seeing,
and I had to pay these people.
Richard's always kind enough to come down,
and we collaborate in some way,
even though if you were going to pay Richard,
you're looking at least five.
He wouldn't come for less than five grand a day,
and he shouldn't because that's what the fee is
for his equipment and an operator minimum
but I had these guys there and so they
filmed it in high speed and after it happened
you can
you can hear one on my footage
that I've cut out of course and we can hear one of the
slow-mo guys going
motherfucker
what was that
oh god
because he's watching it in like slow motion as it comes and tumbles
and stuff so yeah that was uh that was a product of um too much being placed in the wrong place
normally we put our uh charge right in the center of the cabin of a vehicle
and i usually dangle it from the rear view mirror and this car didn't have a rear view mirror
because it was a junk. It was like Jeremy made a
mistake or something. Did he break something?
Made you switch cars? The rear view mirror
is broken off so it had to go on the oh shit
handle on the passenger side so that meant the box
was right against that door.
It was about 15 pounds which is a pretty standard
car demolition size charge
but yeah, sit that door coming
right back at us. I'm going to
be honest. I'm not trying to sound
like some sort of badass or like an asshole.
It just really doesn't scare me when that shit happens. I just don't
care. There's not enough time for you
to be scared. Yeah, I feel like
that would have really hurt
you. It would have killed me, maybe.
You're either completely unconcerned or
you're dead.
But when I'm out there, I'm like, what did FPS Russia do?
He wouldn't give a fuck.
So it's like I don't give a fuck.
If it were me and there weren't cameras, oh, God, I would have shit my pants after.
I'd be like, what was that?
But because it was FPS Russia doing it.
FPS Russia don't care.
You know, like Chiz mentioned, there was thermite raining on FPS Russia the other day.
I'm terrified of thermite.
He's my Tyler Durman. I'm terrified
of thermite. And acetylene.
We did acetylene barrels. We're doing acetylene
experiments every day this week. That's what I've been
doing. I'm so afraid
of acetylene.
Let me tell you this.
Alright, so I got
a plastic barrel the other day.
I've been running rounds of tests every day to get the oxygen to acetylene mixture perfect
so that I don't have to mix it myself.
I've basically got my own mixture going, and I just turn it on, and it does its thing.
I put too much oxygen in, and it—now, I had shot some dragon's breath at the ground prior,
so it's possible there was an ember on the ground or a little flame on the ground but while i was filling the barrel it spontaneously combusted and exploded so goddamn
loud it rang my ears and they were going it was like archer i was like what was that it just
explodes on its own and this big 55 gallon plastic barrel turned inside out completely ripping it apart and like
turning it inside out it was astounding power out of just a small amount of gas that costs like
30 cents i don't even know how to estimate the value of a of like nine psi of acetylene and
oxygen running for four seconds it's nothing um so we've been experimenting with that a lot i got
lots of big plans for that.
It's incredibly cheap, incredibly volatile. It is what I had second and third degree burns on my
hand with when I was 14. It's what I fucked myself up with and had to go to the burn clinic
and had that nightmare, like most painful experience of my life with. So I am very
careful with it. Everything's being done remotely. I don't get anywhere near where
fire and explosions happening. I have 50 foot hoses running and i'm kind of over here being
an operator rather than being the guy who's like all right here we go like that's how you get
mangled it's the whole 50 foot hose that like red and green fire it is i ended up how much was it
um i don't know i got a lot of stuff at the same place.
I bought my acetylene, my oxygen.
The guy there is a fan, so he actually helped me out with a lot of hardware.
He puts all my valves together.
The thing that goes on the top of the fucking tank?
What's that?
Regulator.
Thank you.
If I need a specialized regulator or something that needs an extra output or something like
that, he's kind of,
he's always happy to tinker with stuff for me and make me something and give
me advice.
Cause I don't know very much about oxy acetylene and,
and how it can perform in certain scenarios.
He was like,
Oh,
don't run this,
this acetylene tank at more than 15 PSI.
They become volatile after that.
And I was like,
what does that mean?
He's like,
I mean,
sometimes they fucking explode and kill people. And I was like,'ll run it at nine he's like yeah i'd recommend nine
i've been running at 12 because i don't give a fuck just fucking get some in there but um um i've
got a lot of big plans for that that stuff is incredibly powerful and incredibly sensitive
like you just shoot it i filled a balloon up the other day. I sat this balloon just on the ground
and had two hoses running inside of it,
zip-tied the hoses so they would stay inside of it
and not leak.
Gave it a little oxygen, gave it a little acetylene.
When I shot it with my Dragon's Breath shotgun,
it sounded like five pounds of Tannerite going off.
And it was a balloon this big.
I have special latex balloons that I ordered from Amazon.
They go six feet wide.
I've got those. Yeah.
It's an outrageous explosion we're talking
about and it costs like a dollar.
So I'm going to have some fun with that.
That's what I've been working on this week. I've been acquiring...
What are?
The balloons. Oh, the balloons
are expensive. The gas is cheap
though. Yeah, the balloons are not cheap.
I thought you said the whole thing about balloons is that you wouldn't want to fill one up with this
because the static could ignite the entire thing.
Yeah, so I've been spraying the balloons with some anti-static spray,
and I'm also...
My fear, because Woody always had this video idea of filling a balloon up with oxyacetylene
and throwing Molotov cocktails at it,
but my thought was always that, one, know we're gonna be chunking molotov
cocktails all day and maybe miss the idea for that was the dragon's breath the molotov cocktails was
at a propane tank okay well in any case my fear has always been with filling balloons up with
with explosive gas is that you have to do it right here and then take the thing you fill them out
with and then tie a knot in the balloon or something, and that's putting you in the danger zone.
That's just stupid.
You could easily fuck yourself up, die, rupture your eardrums,
blind yourself, scar yourself.
Something awful could happen, and I don't want that.
This is the moneymaker.
It can't be looking like some kind of fucking Harvey Dent character or something.
What I've got going on is kind of a remote situation.
It's over there.
I'm over here,
and everything seemingly has gone well so far.
Phil, you've been on YouTube for a while.
You've seen a ton of different channels.
Sometimes I'll, for example, look at a Devin Supertramp
or an FPS Russia and be like, I wish I was famous for that.
Like, the gaming thing was cool.
Like, that.
I wish I was that guy's channel
do you ever have one of those um there have been times in the past where i thought gaming but then
after talking to a lot of gamers uh especially those that have been that are known for one thing
definitely not they seem to then hate that thing whether whether it be FIFA or Minecraft or anything like that.
But I think the only people would be like Devin Supertramp, just because it looks like they just have so much fun. That said, I love that I grew my channel doing what I do, because
I don't have to get on a plane to do anything, but I can get on a plane and do what I do because I don't have to get on a plane to do anything but I can get up on a plane
and do what I do you know that's there's always going to be something I get to talk about whatever
is happening I get to hopefully have an impact on on people's like thought process and that's uh
for me that's like I'm I'm living my best my best life in that way. Yeah. Some of the ideas that look like, as a grown-up who knows what it takes to make these videos,
or at least close to it, your channel's pretty good.
It's a nice one to have.
The Devin Super Tramp stuff looks so amazing, right?
I was talking to Devin, this is like two years ago, and it's like, dude, I wish I was you.
You have the ultimate.
It's like, yep, that's what you're supposed to think you know he's like it's 5 a.m i'm in a dark room right now doing color
correction i'm always you know he works impossibly hard you see him in some of his videos he's sick
because he's on planes all the time but the show must go on um he's a very hard-working guy maybe
maybe you want to be the guy that he films.
Maybe you want to be in his crew of 20.
You're going down the slide as he's tracking you.
You're the guy eating the bacon in an Epic Games video.
So that one blonde guy seems to pull out okay,
but they always have injuries.
There's always somebody hurt when they film.
And you look at it, you're like,
wow, that giant inflatable ball is really smashing people
and you see the behind the scenes and there's like pretty girls with bloodied noses and stuff
yeah yeah and it's like wow that like wasn't there a subreddit where it's like women who
have been beaten isn't that isn't that a subreddit like beaten women or something
probably the pussy past the night is one no pussy Pass Denied is not a woman-beating website.
It's about gender equality.
It is, but oftentimes, say, a woman will hit a guy,
and then a guy will hit her, and he's much better at it.
It's not a very good case.
It's based on Pussy Pass Denied.
Sure, I agree with that one.
However, there is one sick subreddit out there.
There's one like Sexy Corpses, I think,
or something like that.
R Beating Women has been banned.
It's R Beating Women.
I think that got banned
when they shut down
30 subreddits at the same time.
Yeah, they took the fat shaming away.
Fat People Hate was my favorite subreddit
for a little while.
Maybe I'm a horrible person
for that but i really like it uh when creative funny people start making fun of people uh they're
they're good at it they're great at it and i like that kind of sense of humor fat people hate was
like the donald back in its day like it was just invaded all are all all the time and like everybody's
getting offended yeah yeah i mean actually it's glandular
but on that on that note of like what channel do you have right so i mean you recently started
doing like the daily vlogs right what what inspired you to do that um i guess
a couple things so i had been doing like day in the life's now and then and getting a
really positive feedback and i have been watching casey nystat and really enjoying the work that he
does and then for a video or two i was like you know why don't i try just a little bit harder
you know like edit a little better choose some different And, um, the feedback from the people watching
and they're not getting like a ton of views or anything. It's mostly a, something I enjoy doing.
And, um, but the feedback I'm getting is, is addictive. And, uh, it's like, oh, you know,
like, yeah, I could do a little better if I did this and I could, um, um, I bought a better camera.
I have it next to me. I'm doing a day in life today. I, um, I bought a better camera. I have it next to me. I'm doing a day in life today. I bought a better camera and
here, let me just show you this for
it won't be long.
Is that a Canon or a Sony?
This is a
Sony. I have a thing for them.
If you can see carefully, the lens in the middle
it moves.
It's a built-in
steadicam.
That and 60 frames per second has done a lot to make the videos look it like moves. It's a built in steady cam. Oh, cool.
Yeah.
That in 60 frames per second has done a lot to make the videos look really nice.
Um,
so like everything happens on something like a steady cam.
And,
uh,
and then,
you know,
I was stepping up the audio and I step up the editing.
I've got like paid sites now where I get my music.
I could do a little better with my selection.
Some people say,
but,
uh,
uh, a guy wrote me who, um, who me who makes music and said I could use his stuff.
And he's like, optionally, you could leave a link,
which of course I'll do.
And it's just like more and more,
I guess, I don't know.
I somehow am enjoying editing.
Whereas like historically editing
is almost the drudgery task.
And now it's like I'm getting a little bit of creativity expression.
Yeah.
I only like editing if I can edit some music.
I think the beat cuts, that's fun.
But yeah, I wanted to know about the vlogging channel because the vlogging channels seem to be like you see them see them liver die kind of like a regular relationship.
It's like you have, you know, your first two videos.
Then you have, how are you doing?
Are you still enjoying it after a month?
Then three months is like the big one.
That's like the biggest time people like drop off, if they're going to drop off.
And then around the one year.
But it's, yeah, it's always fascinating to see the evolution of a vlogging channel.
It seems like you're taking it serious.
It's fun to see your experience.
I've watched so many people go down this path before.
But I guess I'm enjoying video production.
Yeah, it sounds like you're doing it for the right reason.
Yeah, money.
No, and that's the thing, right? It's one of those things that I've're doing it for the right reason, right? Because they're... Yeah, money. Well, no, and that's the thing, right?
So, I mean, it's one of those things that I've been doing it for 10 years.
I know people that have literally gone in and gone, I have to do it for the money, right?
And some of those people have a ton of vlogs now and you can tell when someone's not into it anymore.
And they're not letting themselves stop because they got addicted to that positive feedback and that positive feedback once they start slipping whether it be in post time or
like anything like that turns toxic like oh yeah like that um i was i think this is chis writing
if you if you go into it doing it for the money you don't see success soon enough you'll get
discouraged and drop it if you're passionate about it you'll keep going and the money will come um you know god i hate to make
promises or anything but i guess it's just i enjoy the dialogue i've even started twitter more like
if you watch my twitter feed like for the last year prior to like the last month um it's just
me like liking videos it's my upload feed every now and then I'll make a comment
or if I see something funny I'll post it
now it's like a couple times
do you follow anyone now?
I follow WoodyCraft
and Tmart's mom
well then of course you don't really have anything to do
on Twitter because there's nothing to engage with
I can't imagine Tmart's mom
is super active see I've always thought differently.
I don't engage with people. I engage with people that follow me.
When I go to Twitter, I look at my notifications feed and see
what people are talking to me about. That's how I use Twitter. I don't use
it to follow other people. I almost wouldn't know who
to follow. I'm interested in
the people that want to talk to me. That's, I guess I just use Twitter a little differently,
but I've started like, I don't know. I just pump up Twitter a little bit. I put it on my phone.
It hadn't been on my phone for ages. So now like, okay, this is probably silly to people who don't
pay attention, but I've been working on my stable for a year like just making it better which is and i rebuilt the roof on it and we just put concrete in and there was today
for the first time i put the tractor with the roof on it in and it fit and i was pretty excited
about that so uh i i tweeted it like i took a picture of it in the stable and it fit what he
has so so like at first when I started watching the
Day in the Life videos, I was like, oh, this is
a look into Woody's life. And I
appreciated it for that. You know, just getting
some insight in your life because I like you and
everything. I don't know if you've noticed.
I like you too. And I like your family and everything.
I like seeing the dynamic.
I like feeling like I'm a little bit connected
with you. And so I like
watching them for that. But lately the more I've started watching
It's a little bit like those videos that are cool because you're watching some rich guy do his thing because that's what's going on these days
Yeah, yeah, that's what it is like like I remember there was what's that video where the guys like he's talking how rich he is
And had like hey, I got a Lamborghini here. You may tell you
He's talking about how rich he is.
Hey, I got a Lamborghini here.
You want me to tell you about it? I don't do that.
You want me to tell you more about my books?
I hate that man.
I know that's a bad example maybe.
I don't want to make this sound the wrong way,
but I'm watching because you're doing impressive things
with large amounts of money.
You're putting together some cool stuff.
That shop is immaculate.
It's almost a little too immaculate,
a little Norman Bates.
It's a total, yeah. That's the interesting part. It's perfect. Dude, there's a little too immaculate a little norman baits it's a total yeah i that's the
interesting part if i perfect dude there's a little perfect i love the aesthetic of the brick
i love the aesthetic of the brick and how you filled out those uh those stalls or whatever
the fact that you have rubber mats so that your lawn tractor never has to touch the ground unless
it's doing work hilarious you're like you know pretty much everything's done except oh
they bumped this so i'm making them replace it i'm putting bristles on the bottom of that door and
i'm gonna put some caulk in this concrete those are those last minute last little details that
cost that extra fifteen hundred dollars or whatever that most people just don't pay for
they're like bristles were like like there's little bristles right there's 70 bucks a pop and we need five of them i was like huh but i don't want to get there so you know i i'm not
trying to put your business out there but i love watching it because i it's it's fun at this point
you're along for the ride now it's like shit i get to watch this and it doesn't cost me a hundred
thousand dollars this is brilliant i love it it's it's watching someone who's very wealthy like hit a hobby the way that everybody wants
to hit their favorite hobby or interest like it'd be like watching me like and i just go into like
the magic the gathering like store and i'm like give me six of all of them like there's just some
some black lotus black lotus black lotus yeah to buy a ton of
shit and people would watch that the guy's like sir there are only five black lotus like this in
the world he got you go four three two one now it's worth more i'm gonna flip a profit on this
yeah but that's what it is it's watching someone who like if you weren't you and we were watching
a video it'd be some guy by a shit shack with his bad push mower with no rubber mat to protect it from the elements.
And it would be him messing around outside.
But with you, it's like hitting that apex of this guy can buy anything he wants that has to do with lawn work.
And this guy has bought everything to do with lawn work.
I have to say, now, everyone's heard me say this a hundred times, so forgive me, but I
need to say it to Phil.
Phil, I bought some acreage in Raleigh, like in the city of Raleigh, and I was afraid that
mowing 14 acres, we keep it like a yard, was going to be this white elephant that made
me like terribly unhappy.
Oh, so you mentioned Raleigh.
Me and Chiz and Taylor were talking about this last night.
Have you heard about the newest North Carolina law? Yes, but let me get back. Let me just finish what I'm saying.
So, HB2 you were talking about? No, no, this is brand new. Oh, all right. Well, let me come back.
Go ahead. So, I bought like two six foot zero-turn mowers for my kids,
an eight-foot wide mower for the back of my tractor,
and then a three-foot wide mower for my wife.
And we all go out there and we can mow the whole thing in like two and a half hours or so.
So apparently they're going to put a freeze on all business licenses
going to people who are of any uh of any descent from any middle eastern
country there's like a whole bunch of them listed jordan and chad like all the middle east anyone
you saw this right is this true are you pulling my leg or is it true because i believe it yeah
that's jizz yeah i don't know the specifics. So here's the thing.
North Carolina's going back in time with their legislation.
So, God.
I am fucking with you before you go any further.
Okay, fine.
Come on.
Why would you tell him before he goes on his...
I was hoping you were going to pump it up.
I'll go on the same rant.
So what's happened is the Republicansans have taken over north carolina
north carolina is actually a little more purple than people might guess red state blue state etc
um we have we had our first republican governor in like some very long period of time like 20
30 years or something like that but now the republicans own like the house the senate and
the governorship and they're passing like all the fucked up laws that a Republican could ever dream of.
The most recent one that has PayPal pulling out, Deutsche Bank pulling out, and every musician who was going to tour here pulling out.
Is they made it so that it's this anti-gay, lesbian, tranny gender thing.
I'm sure I fucked that up.
Anyway, forgive me me I don't
do things perfect
I don't wait did he get the perfect
verbiage yes so so anyway I they made it
so that like not only are they are not
protected but any like city or town in
North Carolina it's illegal for them to
pass anti-discrimination laws yes yes
what I was heading toward.
Can I just ask you this because you know more about it and I want you to hit on this.
It seems like because they have such control over the government,
having the legislature, the governorship and all that stuff,
that the laws they are passing, they're not just changing the way things are done.
They're making it extra hard to undo their fuckery.
This is what they do, so they've gerrymandered it.
They gerrymandered it so fucked up that they went to the Supreme
Court and lost.
And then they just gerrymandered it so fucked up
like slightly different. And it's still
terrible.
So it's of course legal now.
But gay marriage was illegal when
the Republicans took over in North Carolina.
And they decided, you know what?
Let's make it more illegal.
Let's make it a state constitutional amendment.
So if we ever get voted out,
it'll be that much harder to overturn this bigoted law.
Tell them about the climate change.
Yeah.
They literally made it illegal to measure the effect of global warming
on rising sea levels in North Carolina.
Yeah.
It's illegal to measure the rise rising sea levels in North Carolina. Yeah, it's illegal to measure
the rise of the ocean off North Carolina
because the Republicans
would rather not do that.
They've heard his bliss.
It's like,
it's one of my issues with Trump, right?
So Trump sometimes says things that are
attractive to me, as does Bernie and Hillary
and et cetera. Can I interject? The thing Trump said
today was that they hit one of those gotcha questions. Hey, if Caitlyn
Jenner comes to Trump Tower, you gonna let
Caitlyn Jenner go to the women's room? He said, of course.
Transgender people should
use whatever restroom they'd like, and that's our policy
in all Trump facilities.
That's one of the attractive
things about it. He was talking on HB2
and, but what's funny, right,
is because he said, you know,
adults should be able to use whatever bathroom they find appropriate,
Cruz then went double down on that men are going to go to the bathroom with little girls
and said that Trump was being PC.
And it was amazing, for real.
If Republicans could get rid of their, like, religious fuckery, they would do much better.
And that's one of the cool things about Trump.
You're like, hey, here's a guy who, like, well, he says everything.
He's going to increase benefits and decrease taxes and all this craziness.
But, you know, here's a guy who essentially pitches himself as some sort of, like, fiscal conservative without all the religious craziness on the social issues wrapped into it.
But he says anything to get elected.
The Republicans in North Carolina have ran haywire,
and it reminds me, like, oh, yeah,
like some of this craziness you hear from the Republicans,
that's actually what they want to do and will do if they can do it.
Oh, a fan sent me mine.
Of course it have to be gay
I did purchase a shirt though. I have a shirt that's got Trump's face on it like doing that Trump pose and it says build the
Wall it's hilarious. I I try not to wear it in like public public
Like I'm not gonna go to the mall wearing it right I don't want to have to get into a fucking gunfight in Buford, Atlanta.
But, you know, if I'm just going to, like, fuck around and burn stuff in the field or something,
I like that stuff.
I get a kick out of it.
I think it's hilarious.
Like, I've said it a couple times now.
People take this political stuff very seriously.
And I think that they're taking something very seriously that probably is just an illusion anyway.
I just have no faith left in the federal government whatsoever.
So I don't believe anything they say.
Any of them from right wing, left wing, I really don't believe what anyone says.
Bernie Sanders is probably telling the truth, but he's a bit of a nutty professor.
Do the best he can.
I don't know.
So, like, one of the things with Trump is he's very inexperienced politically. Right. And I remember I mentioned on this show before, like, oh, you know, Trump is really going to get hoodwinked if he's president.
Like there are parliamentary procedures and things like that, and they'll fuck him over. And you guys said, I remember this. You're like, no, he'll have a guy on his team that's hip to all that stuff so that he won't be such an easy prey.
all that stuff so that he won't be such an easy prey yeah i'm watching those people now i'm watching him get his ass kicked on the delegates right cruz taking all 30 from uh colorado uh he
like wins a state and then afterwards like cruz talks to the delegates and suddenly he got more
delegates out of missouri than whatever of course they're not all equally experienced and everything
like he could make the same argument that, oh,
Sanders wants to increase taxes on small business,
yet he's never run a small business.
He doesn't understand. He's a career politician.
Who's he to say?
He has no way to empathize.
What is fair to say, though, is Trump
has recently made a lot of hires.
Such good hires, apparently, that it's
impressing a lot of the Republican
leadership. There's already people the the the the poll the question has already changed the people's
opinion on um do you back trump do you think crew should drop out after the after new york after he
took um all but like four delegates or something like that it's changed it's flipped the coin is
flipped from like 45 55 to 55 45 on that issue It seems like the party is starting to coalesce around him just a little.
I'm going to predict that they do coalesce around Trump.
Cruz drops out before the convention as it becomes increasingly,
they're going to keep putting the pressure on him because he keeps,
he already said about Kasich weeks ago, maybe two weeks ago,
he's mathematically eliminated, he should drop out.
Now Donald's saying, hey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
You just said that that man was mathematically eliminated and so he should drop out.
Well, you, sir, are obviously mathematically eliminated. And if you look at all the forecasts for what's coming, even the most conservative that I've
heard have him getting to like 1189 delegates.
But many, many people, many sources are looking at a 1400 delegate total coming out of Trump.
I've seen it three different places.
That's the forecast when they examine what's to come in the following states.
And CNN went, they broke it down today.
It was actually Fox News.
They broke down.
And, you know, there are no, and if this were four years ago,
you'd say, oh, Fox News, this will be fair.
I would put money on 1,300.
They do not like Trump over at Fox News, I don't think.
They do not like Trump.
And they reiterated a couple times.
They're like, hey, he could do worse than this.
And I suppose, you know,
and so I'm short of nightmare land.
He does better, but, you know.
Nightmare land. My issue, what I was trying to say is like, I'm watching Trump nightmare land. He does better, but my issue,
what I was trying to say is like,
I'm watching Trump get bamboozled in this delegate race,
right?
He should be doing better than he is.
Colorado.
He got 0%.
That's not how it would have happened if it was voting.
That's not how it would have happened.
If he had any kind of influence in Colorado politics,
like apparently Cruz does.
There's other States too, where it just seems like he's losing all the tricks and
bullshitty stuff.
Oh, that's true, but he's already made adjustments.
He's literally made such adjustments that they're talking about, wow, look at all these
good hires he's made.
Look at this guy.
Look at this expert in parliamentary procedure.
These guys know the convention.
When the convention comes, these are the guys who are out there who are going to be fighting for those 150 delegates that Cruz is – or Rubio is.
I heard he hired like Scott Walker's ex-campaign manager or something like that who's supposed to help.
It's a handful of people.
Okay.
I just – all I'm saying is so far what we've seen is what I was afraid would happen when he's president happening already
as he's running and he's winning by it by a large margin that's true yeah it's hard to beat trump in
a popularity contest especially with the jackasses he's running against and look let's be honest
about cruz cruz is extreme right wing like he is the t he's a tea party republican Republican. He is as much for some sort of theocratic-run government as ISIS is.
He's just on the other end of the spectrum.
This guy is such a Christian fundamentalist,
he would be very happy if we were all held to the standards of the Bible
and maybe had it enforced by some kind of religious police.
If you ask him about that, his right thoughts...
Excuse me?
What's the Shia law?
Sharia law.
Sharia? Thank you.
Yeah, he just wants a Christian version of that.
He wants a Christian version of Sharia law.
You can tell he's...
On the issues of, like, abortion,
he's so much worse than...
Trump's wishy-washy about it.
Trump's obviously pro-choice but he's having to
say pro-life because he's running as a republican he could have just as easily ran as a democrat
and i think he would have probably still had a lot of success he all he just had to change his
answers on like two questions or something like that for real uh i i he could have easily ran
in the democratic party just a couple questions shifted the other way. Trump is totally pro-choice.
I know he is in my heart.
I can tell it from, like, he said it in the past.
You don't change your mind about that sort of thing, I don't think, when you go from 50 to 70.
Those aren't the years where you get some new information about the value of life.
If you said when you're 20 to maybe 40, like, yeah, you went through some shit.
You know some stuff. Maybe your opinion could
change, but not from 50 to 70.
I want to say my dad's changed somewhere around there.
Just to tell it right.
Your dad is a real
interesting case. I feel like he'd want
this clarified. When we were
teenagers, he was definitely
not
adamantly pro-choice,
but he's like, if you guys were to have babies right now, that might be the way we go.
Whereas today, it would be he'd be adamantly pro-life.
Yeah.
You know, we all know that I really appreciate if a lady is pro-choice.
That's a real.
It's a real plus.
It's a real plus. It's a real plus.
It's a real check mark.
One of the qualities you look for in a lady.
Yeah, yeah.
Can't be having that.
My cousin is about to have a second daughter.
My friend Jeremy, I think,
along with the two stepkids he married into,
has two of his own.
I don't need any dependents.
I'm enough of a fucking mess on my own
that let's just focus on me.
I don't have any extra fucking energy
to be focusing on structuring somebody else's life.
Let's just hold my fucking life together
and keep it rocking along.
I got no time for no little fucking Kyle running around.
My cousin the other day was like,
I kind of wanted a boy this time.
I want to carry on the family name. He was like, if you, I kind of wanted a boy this time. You know, I want to carry on the family name.
He was like, if you don't, you know, it's just going to end.
And I was like, well, you better keep it up, motherfucker.
Well, who else is going to carry on the Myers name?
I mean, I moisturize.
I try to stay in good shape.
I'm looking to go for about 80 years, you know, somewhere in there.
So I can carry on that far.
But after that, it's up to you and your progeny.
I'm not going to have any children.
Does he know the sex of number two?
Yeah, yeah.
They actually did this.
Listen to this.
To announce it, he only told me and his wife, obviously, or girlfriend, baby mama.
Only the two of them knew the sex of the child,
and then he told me because he needed me to help with the announcement.
Because what he did is he had a tannerite explosion of pink powder.
It looked like a party and everything.
As you do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I rigged this whole thing up with this pie-shaped,
I took a plow disc, a big one.
They're shaped like a bowl.
Inside of that, we put our slow-sip charge.
Then on top of that, we distributed all this powder that we had to order overnight.
It cost $85 to get 20 pounds of fucking pink powder.
When it went off, it was a cloud of pink.
Everybody was like yay
baby shower
it was less white trash than you would
imagine I feel like I told Taylor the other night he judged
harshly he judged harsh
Taylor's I think that's
just amazingly ridiculous like I
just love that that sounds like it sounds
like a lie the most liberal
person in the world says like
and then they had an explosion
that's how they told them hey it's not like they blew up a fucking washing machine here all right
so this wasn't an ask me anything question i feel like we've all
hit it but phil what's your biggest regret in life?
Oh, my biggest regret in life?
Shoot.
Yeah, right?
I think way back in the day, you know what?
I think I would go back in the day, back when I helped start Maker and then I left.
I burned some bridges there.
I'm still glad I left.
I'm a much more calm version of myself than I
was then.
I'd say
burn a few
less. Still, don't want to deal
with a few of the people.
Also,
it's just that time.
Is it Will of DC that we're talking about?
No.
Wow, that's a name I haven't heard in forever.
That guy was great.
I don't even know who that is.
Phil and Will had a...
I was able to stay friends with Shay Carl and a few of the guys.
He seems easy to get along with.
Shay's one of the best guys in the world.
But I had stopped talking to CassMG for a while.
But then, given enough time, we started talking again and we're good again.
Yeah, you just realize later on there's some fights that aren't worth it,
that have literally no point.
So I think that's what I would do.
But I'm glad that I was that irrational version of myself
because I get to have been on that side of the fence.
The biggest mistake kind of that I made in life was bad grades in high school.
My whole like adulthood would have gone really smoothly if I just like got into a good four year college, you know, did my thing there instead of like bad grades that led to like more trouble that led to night school that
led to i think it was 12 or 13 years for me to finish all my degrees and uh that's a lot of time
to like work during the day and go to school at night and people have heard this before but then
again it also shaped me into me so it's hard to be like you're like yeah if i had easy street things would be you know so much
better so what are we watching oh uh right i'd have never met jackie right yeah yeah look no
your your life went perfectly because look the things that the things that shape you
are are just that you know and and and you don't get shaped by soft things.
You get shaped by hard things.
You get chiseled.
And so you got chiseled into what you are now,
which is a fucking machine.
You're a machine.
You are a machine.
I like being described as chiseled.
I mean, shirtless.
I could prove otherwise.
Yeah, you were chiseled by months of of driving a shitty
fucking car you were hated and and were in washing dishes or fucking polishing the rust off bike
chains or or or working endless hours and then having to go back home and study and like you
know all that bullshit that you went through because of those little those mistakes you made
in early on probably really instilled that fear
of any sort of future failures
that would make you fall back into that position again.
And it's turned you into the machine.
Yeah, I mean, that's why the regret question's always hard.
I think that's why it always kind of boils down to me,
like me having done something negative to another person
or something I put out to someone
else because yeah i'm like i feel like a lot of us like we're in a great place despite and actually
probably thanks to a lot of those bad things yeah yeah bad thing i guess there's probably some like
eloquent way to put this there's probably some indian saying that sounds like this but you know
something about the rock being shaped by the the something hard or something like that i don't know i want that to be i want that to be the quote
the rock by something something
saying you can right now kyle don't don't drop it go um
the rock becomes smooth when the stream quickens like i don't know the hot pocket that is cold can
be reheated but not cool
i'm not coming up you had a couple really good uh game of thrones we did this thing once phil where
uh kyle we were talking about the prose
in Game of Thrones and the way that he speaks
with feasts. Like most books,
it'll be like, and then Jon sat down.
They had chicken pot pie that night.
He asked Karen about the incident at school.
And he's like, oh,
and then they walked in and something about a king,
but the goose pudding flowed
like rivers from the mountaintop.
The croissants
living with butter The honeyed door my suck it look
So obvious the Game of Thrones was written by a fat guy
He'll get to a sex scene and it'll be like he pulled out his cock it was large and it hurts
But no, no, but then he'll get back to the end and that'll be it.
Like that's all he's got.
The sex was good and then it was over.
And then came the feast!
Mountains of turkey legs,
dripping with fat.
Bones akimbo,
dripping with cod.
Long, fat pies made from pigeon.
He's been going over a three pages about the food, for literally eight sentences and it was over.
It's nothing, I always expected the next sex scene to lead off with like,
it was at this time that Jon and Ygritte began to incorporate food into their lovemaking.
The castle black mead fell coldly across her nipples. incorporate food into their lovemaking.
The castle black mead fell coldly across her nipples,
pooling in her belly button.
It descended the moon,
as did her rump.
Slowly he inserted
the turkey leg.
Wait a minute.
As it slowly entered her. I think you should like 50 shades of gray this
before is like um i would take it from one of the books uh i would take an excerpt from one
of the books um that was just really random just you know flip to page 85
sentence 7 and take that and i would read that out loud and then I would write my own bullshit
like in the style of George
R.R. Martin and
I did a pretty good job of it. They had a hard time
telling the difference between what he had written and what I had
written because his style is, he's a bit
of a Donald Trump in some ways. He falls
back to the same verbiage
a lot. Everything is always
very detailed, very lush.
He goes into great detail about
everything.
That's why I love the
book so much. That's why I love the show so much.
Those books describe
the characters to a T.
George R.R. Martin has the best verbs.
Everybody says so.
They're the greatest verbs.
I played Scrabble.
I'm the Scrabble champion.
Let me tell you, I've got the best brain.
I've got the best brain, and I beat everybody at Scrabble.
We've got Bernie over here trying to steal my double word score.
When he describes a character, I know what they look like.
He does it to the point where I have that guy pictured because I know what his eyes look like.
I know if there are flecks of green and brown.
I know if there's a little gray and salt and pepper in his hair.
And I know where the salt and pepper is if it's just above his ears or if it's throughout or if it's just one streak.
I know what these people look like.
And so whoever did the casting for game of thrones amazing job because
many many of the characters are what i pictured or you know i did read the books after the fact
but they're what are described in the books they look so much like themselves except for uh
what's uh what's john snow's character uh kate cat cat harrington is the character harrington
harrington yeah yeah he's a tiny guy i wish that guy was like
three inches taller and like 40 pounds heavier and he'd be a bit more believable as one of the
biggest hard asses in in uh in the whole story he's supposed to be a kid though he's supposed
to be even younger than he's portrayed as in the show but i understand why they made him at least
his age because it's just not believable to think that aria is like 11 or something certainly
not but but but in this rendition still i say that he's even as a 15 year old described in the books
i think that that at this point he's a big guy right like is he is he described in the books
as a tiny fellow i feel like he's grown i know he was he was smaller than um rob i know he was
always smaller than rob but i didn't think he was a little guy.
And Kit, is that his name, Kit?
What a silly name.
Yeah.
What's that?
That's not a person name.
That's a pet name.
Or it's like short for something.
Anyway, this guy is very, very small.
I'm going to estimate right now that he's like 5'8",
maybe 5'7", 145, 155 pounds maybe i could be nutrition back then actually i i saw
him with his shirt off and like working out he looked really buff and really ripped but he's
real short guy i just i just feel like like when he's standing next to that uh that red beard guy
uh ormond red beard or whatever his name is i'm like this guy is not let me just say there's a
lot of short buff people. I think
they have cheat codes or something. Like, being
short helps you be buff.
It makes sense.
It's a bit of a complaint.
If you were to take a short buff guy
and stretch him out by 8 inches,
he'd be skinny.
Well, I mean, take anybody
and make them 8 inches taller and keep everything
else the same and they're going to look awful awful unless they're like 300 pounds overweight like in that
case they'd look great that's what i need i need to gain two inches you know what i watched last
night our uh a couple episodes of our survival trip i yeah it was real good um you know what i i
maybe i just watched it on like a computer monitor or my phone in the past
but you know i'm watching on this 4k tv now it's obviously i don't have the bandwidth for 4k but
it still looks better than a 1080p monitor anything else lower than it does it upscales a little bit
so anyway i'm watching this thing and it's gorgeous because i think patrick filmed it in 4k
right and then cut it cut the aspect ratio down to 16 by 9. 1080p.
It's incredible.
It's incredible.
It's so, you know, there are issues with the focus here and there.
I know those are there.
But when he's got it right,
when he's just filming a static shot of our campsite,
Jesus, the woods in the background are gorgeous.
I was sitting there just watching it
because I thought it was beautiful to look at.
And then, you know, I'm such
a vain cocksucker that I'm like watching myself
getting, I'm like, ha ha ha, yeah, keep it up.
Yeah, you're funny. Alright.
I'm literally
being entertained by watching some
bullshit I said in the woods seven months ago
or something.
This guy's great.
Hilarious.
I'm like, look at the comments, make sure everybody
noticed.
Sometimes I do that with Painkiller already.
Like sometimes at the end of PKA, I'm like, I don't even know why people watch this.
And then I watch it and it's like, you know, that was actually a pretty good show.
I can see why people enjoy this thing.
I have never –
Daniel Day-Lewis said, I think.
I just – I do it and then never look back.
I have never, ever watched an episode of this back I have never ever watched an episode of this
I've come back
I know and watched excerpts
because there have been issues where
it was like wait did we say this and that
and this is that where I really stood on this issue
and we go back like 5 years
and we watch like a 10 minute segment or something
like that's happened but I've never went back
the compilation ones
where people put stuff together another thing i will say if you watch an old
show like i'll make up a number you know episode 72 i think you'll find that it's not that good
you know like people look through them with rose-colored glasses like oh yeah back in the
old days with this host or that host or whatever. But if you actually watch it,
you know, it's...
There's lots of dead air, you know?
Like, our topics sometimes are lame.
It could be very monotonous.
Like, there could...
Might spend three hours talking about
fucking Call of Duty 4 maps or something like that,
you know?
Like, hey, did you guys know
Kyle's kind of a COD 4 expert?
Tell him about the grenade spot again, Kyle.
Tell him how you look at the cloud
and turn 18 degrees
and then launch it to the S&D side on Backlot.
No, nobody gives a fucking shit about that.
But, you know, we'd just be beating a dead horse to death
about how good we were at Call of Duty
or how good this guy is or that guy is.
And it was just, there are whole episodes like that.
Yeah, I think it's better than it was before.
Yeah, it's totally better.
We're amazing.
We're so fucking good.
We're the best podcast there is.
I think if there's any podcast better, I've never seen it.
I can't imagine.
It's the best podcast there is.
Let me tell you, we have the best podcasting, and all the people say it.
Oh, but I wasn't going to mention this, but I just remembered,
if you can buy the whole survival trip
and all the PKNs and everything over on Gumroad,
there's a link in the description for that stuff.
Yeah.
Was it you that...
Yeah, it was.
You almost busted your ass falling into the water.
That was hilarious.
That was fucking hilarious.
Chiz wearing his boat shoes
on the way there
on the way there
the boat shoes
said a lot right like
the boat shoes not only did they say
like I made a terrible
decision in shoes which is the obvious
thing right they also
say I've never really been
in the woods before I have says, I like to have
fun. I have a couple pairs of pastel-colored shorts,
so sue me.
Did he even have socks on with
those Sperry's or something? Of course not.
You gotta hang your feet as smelly as possible.
Absurd. Okay, so Phil, we
went and stayed. You've seen Band of Brothers,
right? You were in the beginning
where... Oh, that is a generous
comparison between what you guys did
in Phantom Brothers.
You've seen that thing where they took on
the Nazis, right?
We spent five days with nothing but a chicken and
all of the sponsored equipment that they sent with us.
Okay, similar, yeah, similar.
It started off a little bit cold.
They got to the muffin man who showed up
the second day. He just gave us
fake muffins. The muffin man showed up and gave us muffins.
You really haven't.
A guy's driving through the woods giving out muffins and cookies.
I still do not believe that to this day.
I do not believe that a Nevelet baker showed up and gave us muffins.
So we're all, like, completely distrustful of everything Kyle's telling us
because he would just, like, leave every morning and, morning and hop in his truck to go hunt squirrels.
I won't get it wrong.
And then he texts us or something and says, a guy just showed up and gave me muffins and cookies.
And we're all back at camp bitching and moaning like, no fucking way did a guy show up out of the blue
and just give away muffins and cookies.
And then the cameraman goes, nope, that one is true.
Because I met him, too.
And he tried to give me muffins and cookies.
The patron saint of gluten.
I was so glad that Patrick ran into the same guy.
Because how absurd is this?
Right.
We're all right.
So,
so let me,
let me lay this out there.
Um,
in the beginning of band of brothers,
they're running up and down that mountain training three miles up,
three miles down.
They vomit because of it.
That's where we are.
We're in those woods.
Uh,
like a stone's throw from a stone's throw from that mountain,
uh,
on like a national,
uh,
wilderness area.
We hike in pretty fucking far,
farther than we should have
if we're all being honest with ourselves.
Farther than we needed to.
Farther than we needed to, certainly.
We're way back in the woods.
Our, it was Mount Currie, yeah.
Our footwear varied greatly.
So...
Okay, I'm going to be honest.
This place is full of fucking rattlesnakes there are so many
warnings on the internet and so many like i went on all these forums and these people are talking
about it and they're specifically talking about the region of the forest area that we're in
like they mentioned the bend in the road where we parked and and so i i'm wearing boots that
like come up to here they're not snake boots boots or anything but they're the thickest Walmart
boots I can buy.
Chiz is wearing some goddamn
loafers that when he steps
and they bend
to the earth. They're not like a
firm sole. They have the flat white
sole on the bottom where if you
bend them you see the traction.
Yeah and they would squish out
at the edges. You know what I mean?
Like around his ankle area, they would
squish out because his foot was bending like this.
And we're walking through
timbers. We're walking through
briars and over
hills and embankments and across creeks.
And we're all packing
gear, like tons of gear.
This was more of a camping trip, I suppose,
than a survival trip because we did take a lot of shit with us we have food though it wasn't initially not bring food or water it
wasn't initially our intention but we got a sponsor for the trip so they sent us a lot of gear that we
kind of had to take with us but in any case it was fucking awful i got up every morning with my 22
rifle and went hunting and i had researched squirrel hunting i had i had scouted that place for what
do squirrels enjoy where are they likely to congregate yeah that's my history it's very
odd stuff and uh and so what i would do is i would get my i would hike back to my i had hunted the
area there so i was like i gotta find some squirrels like we would sit there and you just
there was no life in this part of the woods we were in.
So I figured I'd drive to the other end of this place.
So I get in my truck and I'm driving down the road and every like 200 yards, there's a parking spot where you can pull off.
And so I would drive 200 yards, pull off, get out of the truck, go sit on a stump for sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes two hours.
Just sitting there on a fucking stump waiting,
trying to be still and quiet,
and repeat that process until one in the afternoon when it got too hot to do anything anymore.
And then I'd go lay on the ground all day.
Yeah, then you'd just go back,
carbo-load on all your muffins and take a nap.
Pretty early, and I was literally out there driving,
and I met another truck in the road
and this guy he's you know waving you know i was just going to be polite because it's very rare to
see people back there and i was going to just say hello and and howdy do or whatever because it was
clear he wanted to talk he had his window down i was kind of waving and uh and i said hey how's
it going and he just like launches into this thing he's like hey i'm going out here giving
cookies and muffins to all the campers he's like we run we own it my my wife and i own a store and these are all either expired or just about to
expire and i like to come out here and give them to the campers you know sometimes the kids are out
here or whatever and i was like okay we're from the made up foundation for people who can't find
squirrel in the woods they were boxes of cookies and get it like uh like it like the store that it where there's
like a bakery in a walmart and they bake them and like close the box and put a little tape on it or
whatever it's those and he gives me like this big pile of m&m cookies and it was a couple pounds of
food and i thought that it was too i was like well this isn't fair you know a human being came and
gave me this food and i left them in the truck because i didn't think i should bring them back and they were
unopened i did not eat any of them i swear to god i came back without touching the food and i told
the gang i was like look here's what happened i ran in the sky he fucking gave me cookies they
were like you're a liar and then patrick was like no no oh he stole the cookie man too
leave me all of a sudden.
And then they were like, alright, we'll break out the cookies
then. And I was like, well, I left them in the truck
because it's a survival trip. We shouldn't eat the
cookies. But the man who gave them to
Kyle was indigenous to the area.
So really, it was like hunting
and gathering. They convinced me of this.
If he had found berries or
nuts, I would have said, yes.
Bring the berries and nuts back. It's a, yes, bring the berries and nuts back.
It's a survival trip, right?
Nature did not provide.
Kyle provided.
And I would like to say –
Nature did provide.
This guy was an animal that existed in this region, and he – and his animal, like, strange, foreign ways –
If you guys had immediately gone from him giving you food to, like, at the end of the trip, he just went and conquered his home and stole his land,
it would have been a good, like, American Indian white people out there.
Yeah, he brought us muffins, but fuck that guy.
Small box blankets. Let's get it.
Grand muffins? Are you high?
Wait, so when you got back to the truck, were they actually there?
Yes, yes. The muffins were there, and then we ate the muffins.
It's a little hallucination.
The group voted, and everyone there said that we should eat them.
And I was like, well, all right.
If we're going to eat them, we're going to eat them.
I'm not going to turn the muffins down.
If everybody's eating muffins, I'm eating muffins too.
I don't remember them being uneaten, though.
All right, guys, it's two days in.
I remember Kyle
keeping the spirit of the trip Kyle Kyle didn't even give us all the food he kept
a box of cookies in his truck for himself he did I don't think that's true
I think I let I think they were finished off a box by himself Chiz is saying the
cookies then I did and here's what here's why. Let me explain that.
Let me explain that. Because this isn't some bullshittery
or anything. This is all on the up and up.
When you guys told me to bring the cookies
back, listen, Chiz, with your
clickety-clack over there,
we're like, yeah, we want the cookies.
I had literally five or
six boxes of cookies,
big boxes of cookies out there.
And I didn't want to carry them all back
through the woods and the briars and everything.
So I brought two boxes back to camp.
And yeah, there was one in my truck. But it wasn't like
I was holding out on the gang.
It was like once we had decided to eat them,
I was hunting and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna
fucking eat them. And I ate maybe four cookies
like that.
Kyle was like, hey, we've got a box of cookies
for the campsite and a box of cookies for me that's not even no some guy gave us 30
cookies for you and for you all the cookies were available to anyone who
wanted them oh yeah the cow like snuck out of camp every morning to go squirrel hunting and eat cookies.
It needed doing.
He was the one going hunting.
He needed more calories to do the hunting.
So that is fair.
He was the one out there doing hunting.
I'm actually surprised I got as much crap as I did about charging the batteries.
I lost so much weight.
Remember, I think I lost 9 or 11 pounds, one or the other.
I went hydrated.
No, I lost fucking – we didn't eat hardly anything like and we were just being physically active all day that too
like it was a hike in and out of that thing like this when when i say like i would get up early
and go hunting it was like i'd get up and walk a mile or two every morning like in bad terrain
that's what it felt like anyway it's fucking awful on one of the days we um so the the camera
guy had exhausted all his batteries so we went back to my truck like use the cigarette lighter
to like charge everything at once i think i have two cigarette lighters and we were able to like
plug in this chain of things and and get maximum charge out of it but it took a long time like it
unbeknownst to me these things charge much more slowly off a cigarette lighter
than they do off an outlet like in the house so we just sat in the truck he says five hours that
might be a bit of a stretch but it was more than three you know like there's your range and uh
and i came back and everyone was mad at me like oh my god you took so long to charge batteries
and i'm like in my mind i'm like yeah you guys were sitting in the
tent i was sitting in the truck it wasn't like i missed out on all the cabin building or something
i think i think the real thing was we knew that you were probably sitting in air conditioning
or at least in a shady truck and we were at like first of all chis for some reason elected to get
in that like cot tent thing or the solar oven, as I like to call it.
And zip that motherfucker
up. He's never been
camping before. He doesn't realize that
the tents are saunas.
When he would unzip it, there was
steam coming out.
He was just in there. I feel like it was
in a cool hand loop.
Remember cool hand loop? Put him in the hot box!
I feel like he's coming out of the fucking hot box every time.
I'm over there in a hammock.
Never showered all week.
No.
I'm over there in the hammock, and I'm sweating my balls off.
But I made sure that I wore only moisture-wicking stuff.
I bought all this moisture-wicking underwear, all these moisture-wicking tees.
And every day, I would go down to the creek, which was cold as fuck.
Me too.
With my bar of
soap and i would wash my ass i would wash my whole body i would shower up and then i would take my
shirt off and wash it and hang it up and put a new moisture wicking shirt on i think i had like
two shirts and i had a towel that compressed into something about the size of like i don't know that
that was that was terrible but at least you i could get dry and get the shit off my face.
But, um,
I didn't like that. I hated that.
It was nice that we had a sponsor and everything, and that was cool.
Chiz says never again.
Chiz, let me ask you this.
Would you sooner work on the stable
or go camping?
Oh, man. Can he kill himself?
I think he's just gonna choose stable we'll see what he says
see the stable work was harder hydrocodone instead
i'm gonna play limsy i'd rather die because the the camping trip like as as hungry as we were
and whatever and the temperature would hit like upper 80s maybe because you're in the woods in the shade with humidity.
But you're not doing anything, right?
To make the stable, it's like 98, baking sun on you, and you're just lifting shit, lifting like 2x12 and like holding them in place and hammering nails and it's uh what he keeps trying to lure me to his home to do some sort of manual
labor and i'm just like wait until he's all done like putting together before i even go up there
because i know if i go up there i'll end up with a fucking tool belt on yeah yeah
come check out the pool the pool just came in needs a fence
yeah that would be my biggest reservation about going to woody's house would be being Come check out the pool. The pool just came in. Needs a fence.
Yeah, that would be my biggest reservation about going to Woody's house.
It would be being conscripted into some kind of manual labor.
Where I was like, oh my god.
And I'd have to, as I was hammering a fence post,
just look with resentment at you and be like,
this motherfucker's got 19 goddamn $10,000 lawnmowers and he can't pay a couple of illegals $0.60 an hour
to hammer these stakes in the ground.
So yeah, I'm going to forego that. I know if I went to
Kyle's house, he wouldn't make me do any work because you'd pay
Jeremy and whoever to do it. Yeah, I get
me some lackeys. You've got to have lackeys
in life. They're easier to come
by than you might imagine.
I totally have fucking lackeys
who for 10 bucks an hour will
work hard as fucking hell all
day long. They won't complain.
They'll show up.
They'll feed themselves.
They're autonomous, and it's great.
If you need some bullshit done, if you need holes dug,
and I often do.
I don't know if anyone here has ever dug a fence pole host,
a fence pole hole with those diggers.
A fence pole host.
Yeah.
Hey, I don't even know. It hosts a fence pole host. Yeah, I don't know.
It hosts a fence pole host.
You were going to say post and pole, yeah.
Yeah, a post pole host.
Ever done one of those? Yeah, that sucks.
It's really fun.
My grandpa had one when I was like 13
and it was a barrel of fun for like
one and you're like, wow, that's neat
how it makes a hole straight down and then you
imagine on his huge crop of land surrounding the cattle. It's like, yeah, you need like wow that's neat how it makes like a hole straight down and then you imagine like on his huge crop of land surrounding the cattle it's like yeah you need to do that
perfectly three thousand times i can remember when i was maybe 14 my dad had my cousin and i
building a fence and um my cousin was being paid but i was not um and that was kind of the way of
things for a bit uh when i was a child
and so i we're out there digging this first hole and we get it dug and we get that we're using
wooden fence posts about this bigger and we put this thing in there seal it up and i'm just like
i'm beat i was like that i was like scott i'm not gonna do this anymore if you want to stay here
that's up to you but i'm just letting you know that i'm not getting paid do this anymore. If you want to stay here, that's up to you.
But I'm just letting you know that I'm not getting paid for this shit.
And I left.
I fucking hated that.
And in my adult life, I've had to dig some of those holes on my own.
And there was one night where I had no help.
And I had to dig like eight of those holes by myself.
And it was dark by the time I got done.
It's awful. Is the auger easier, the kind you spin and then just pull out?
I don't know.
It's too big. The auger easier, the kind you spin and then just pull out? I don't know. It's too big.
The auger that we have is literally like...
I saw one on...
It was meant for hand spinning on YouTube.
The guy made it look really easy.
He had a two-foot hole in no time at all.
Two-foot deep fence.
Yeah.
Well, Josh, when you put...
Josh can dig the holes in like two minutes,
and that costs like 18 cents. So I'm going to stick with that method. You know, we've talked about how in like two minutes, and that costs like 18 cents.
So I'm going to stick with that method.
You know, we've talked about how in those other countries,
the reason they don't have an excavator
is because you can pay those guys two pennies an hour,
and they'll all just shovel it real fucking fast for those pans.
I got guys' pans.
I got guys' pans.
Yeah, I got guys' pans over there. That's fine. There was something I wanted to talk about
Phil do you need to go
or do you have 10 minutes
I can do 10 more minutes
let's make it great
we got double overtime right now
I'm watching the Blues Blackhawks game
yes
the Blackhawks have. Yes. The Blackhawks have
them right where they want them.
The Blackhawks have led them into a false sense of security
by giving them a 3-1 series lead.
then now, obviously, they
I think you're right. I think that
Chicago went to St. Louis
and they're like, we want to make sure that they're within
one goal of winning the entire series
and then we take it back.
It's double overtime, right?
It's double OT, yeah.
If we score, we win the series.
If they score, they only need two more games to beat us instead of three.
Was it this year that they started toying with 3v3?
Yeah, 3v3 OT during the regular season.
During playoffs, it's 5v5.
Because these guys would be fucking exhausted
if they were doing 3v3 because
it never goes to a shootout or anything
in the playoffs. You just play all night.
They're about to start the second
OT right now. If I get this, this goddamn streaming site
sucks dick so hard it dies every 15
seconds. Oh my god.
I've had a couple times where I've been...
Not to derail hockey talk,
but speaking of streaming,
Woody, let's stream
some games sometime. You don't have to play,
but you could stream us playing a game,
either that Age of Mythology game, or
I think a fan bought us all Battlefield 2.
I want to do that. Those streams are really fun.
I don't know if it's a big work...
I don't know if I'm asking you to do work.
I'm especially down for Age of Mythology.
Well, it's not work work. It's kind of like doing PKA,
where you just kind of have to be on
in the personable version of yourself.
This isn't the regular version.
I'm just being me out here.
I didn't know.
You're just being me.
I'm so cool, you can't...
I don't even need to put on a shirt.
I mean, ask Taylor.
This is like the all-nighter playing games.
This is just who I am.
This is exactly what me and Tyler are talking about.
Well, you guys have seen enough of me. I'm fucking cracking them up. Okay, we're playing games. This is just who I am. This is exactly what me and Tyler are talking about. You guys have seen enough of me.
I'm fucking cracking them up.
Okay, I'll ask you.
Am I different on PKA than I am not on PKA?
All of us are more energetic.
You're always talking about the white socialist party.
Is that it?
I don't even know what that is.
They sound like, is that what Bernie Sanders is?
He's white, he's socialist.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. I think I'm the same
me. Maybe I'm the...
I don't know. It's a little
more showy. We're all the exact same, I think.
It's just we're more high energy because you have to be
because you're putting something on.
We kind of do the exact same shit to each other.
We get Melissa, my girlfriend, cracking
up all the time because we're riffing and talking about
stuff. What did I say the other night that she liked so much oh i was oh i we can't say
that on the show never mind can you type it in the chat uh we were remember i was talking about
the difference between instruments and musicians yes yes this you really like that you got a real
kick out of that one anyway not to pile on something we can't divulge
yeah exactly but yeah i think that'll be really fun uh i like when we do those streams and we
kind of play off the audience uh and uh and i love playing that game and i i don't know i hope
they would be entertained by it i've made a custom map with like tons of volcanoes and bullshit that's
really fun i think it's fun and i've been... Come for the people, stay for the volcanoes.
I'm honestly embarrassed about how much time I've spent this week watching tutorials and just through trial and error
trying to learn the editor.
Don't let it get in the way of your drone shipping hobby.
Yeah, yeah, I'm going to get you your drones.
You're getting much faster at it.
I've been trying to learn the editor program for that game
because it's the same program they used to make the game,
like to make the campaign. They used the same program they used to make the game. Like to make the campaign, they used
the same program that I have access to
so it's kind of limitlessly
powerful. I can
alter everything about the game but I'm starting
to learn a little bit about coding I guess
and that there's a lot of
telling things what to do if this
happens or if it doesn't happen.
Telling things what to do when this
happens but
adding exceptions to the rule and then every time you do that you have to copy
it in every other instance of that item occurring in the map. So it's like
I'm adding these triggers so I'm telling the game what happens when troops
get to this money vault that I'm adding in the middle of the map. It's like if you
have... and that's the first consideration.
It's what is the item?
And then the second consideration is, what is the instance in which anything is triggered?
And I say, okay, instance is triggered when army is in line of sight of target.
What is the occurrence?
Well, in this scenario, the occurrence is money is added one per second per player,
player one, player two, player three,
player four, so now there are four copies of all
this code that I have to go through.
It's a nightmare, and I have no fucking
experience at doing this whatsoever.
So I'm just, I'm going in there
and I'll have like
a command sequence that's maybe
12 things long, and
it'll all be wrong, i don't i won't know
why and just through trial and error i'm trying to learn it and i'm getting better but it's a
fucking nightmare it's it's so frustrating i there's been a few times where i'm just like
this fucking mouse went sailing and i'm just i'm just like motherfucker because i had figured out
how to get it to feed how to give me uh money food and gold whenever I took possession of the item.
And all I needed to do was make that happen
for all the players in the game.
And somehow I deleted everything I had written.
And so it's just been a real fucking nightmare.
But my maps are cool, and they're getting better.
So I think it'd be fun.
That's what coding is.
People think coding is just knowing a language,
but it's not.
What it really is is thinking of all the exceptions
and corner cases.
And like, I could come to you and say, Hey, Kyle, I need a order status page for amazon.com.
And at a high level, that's a real simple request. But when it comes down to like all
the flipping details and all the systems that it integrates with and all that craziness, it's,
it's a lot. See, that was my next topic. was gonna say happy birthday Taylor right yeah oh let's see well happy birthday to you happy
birthday thank you oh you know what yesterday cuz it's 1 a.m. today was my
20th anniversary with Jackie Wow such a one-upper. I'm sorry. Today?
It's Tuesday now. You missed your shot.
I did. That was an hour ago.
I fucked up.
I made a huge decision.
It's all about me now.
I'm sorry.
We were just doing days and I thought I was
joining in the conversation.
Yeah.
You were born the 22nd? Yeah. Like, yeah. Oh, you were born the 22nd?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it's my son's birthday.
Really?
I think I'm probably a little older.
Well, it will be for me in two hours, but yeah.
Wow.
So wait, what time of day was he born?
He was born, I have to remember the exact.
It was like 2-um shum two something
oh no i'm wrong 11 30 a.m or p.m a.m a.m when were you born taylor
super super early in the morning i'm pretty sure that would make taylor older
yeah well it's probably a couple years different i did the math you just stop now
Probably a couple years different.
I did the math.
You just stop now.
I got it covered.
So wait, how old are you?
Did you say 25?
25, yeah.
You're 25?
Nice.
Yeah.
How time flies.
I remember 19-year-old Taylor.
I remember 23-year-old Kyle.
I get angry when I see people younger than me that have their facial hair situation handled
that must be great
yeah this is like
sophomore year high school down pat
we were talking about private showers
in high school and I went off
on Taylor he's like
yeah there's just a room with a bunch of shower heads
and that's all you need because it doesn't matter
and I'm like fuck you
you fucking 8th grade puberty hitting insensitive guy turned into a man when he was
like 12 years old when he was still a child when he was 14 and a half years old for sure you can
i remember coming back from summer break my between sixth and seventh grade or maybe seventh
and eighth grade probably sixth and
seventh and people in my class just being like jesus christ like what the like you shave now
like you're 13 and i'm and i and i hit it that whole like seventh and eighth grade year because
i was the only one in my grade to my knowledge who shaved and the other the only other guy who
did had like a patchy shit beard not like mine was great but he didn't shave and so he got ripped on all the time for it so like
every morning i was like meticulously making sure no facial hair was showing through middle school
because i thought i was gonna be done with any girls that hit puberty puberty super early in
your uh in your schooling experience oh yeah yeah i think that's way more common what's the earliest
because i when i was in fifth grade yes when i was in... Fifth grade. Yes. When I was in fifth grade,
this girl named Lindsey,
and there were three Linsseys in that class,
but this particular Lindsey had C-cup boobs, at least.
They were big fucking jugs in fifth grade.
And she hadn't figured out how to handle them yet,
so they were just all over the place all the time. was was she fat um she wasn't then it later in life she became a real a real a real
fucking that's big usually heavy girls i've heard that like that can make you start puberty faster
being fat as a young girl yeah i saw that on a documentary. It's from all that
chicken
they're eating.
It's getting stored in the fat cells.
That's what it is. It's all those chicken hormones.
That's what's going on there.
Detroit Red Wings kicked out of the playoffs,
Woody.
I didn't predict that. I think I said
they were going to win. Huge.
Huge. Huge. I mean, what's fifth grade? Is that 11? I think that predict that. I think I said they were going to win. Huge. Huge.
I mean, what's fifth grade? Is that 11?
I think that's 11.
Five plus five.
That's 10!
She was 10 years old and had full-on hit puberty.
What a mess that must have been.
That's awful. That's way too early.
Yeah, that can't be good for you in the long run either.
That's got to be some sort of bad effect when you're hitting menopausal age or maybe you hit menopause earlier. I don't know.
Yeah, it would only make sense.
You've only got so many eggs in there.
Yeah, they don't make any more.
No, they don't make any more.
You start with like 300 of them
or a couple hundred and if you fuck up too bad
it's just like game over.
If you're like a bad menstruator
and you do five a month or so, you're wasteful. Yeah. If you're like a bad menstruator and you'd like do five a month or so,
you're wasteful.
Yeah.
Oh,
I think how it works.
Like one of those ball shooting guns.
The New Jersey educational system has let you down.
Well,
we were in our,
I was traumatized by showering with other people and not really having pubes,
having two sets of pubes on either side
and nothing connecting. That's disgusting.
If I had that, I would shave it.
You had reverse Hitler
on your penis?
Didn't everyone? Like above the penis, of course.
No, no, it all came at the same time.
No, mine came in the two sides first
and eventually migrated toward the middle.
So here I am, like, still in
high school with –
So your crotch looked like Danny DeVito's head?
It did.
It did.
And, yeah.
And it was just awful.
I didn't have leg hair.
I remember I used to look at – I'm so gay.
This guy's name was Brian Bourgeois, and he had, like, armpit hair,
and I didn't have any.
And I – like, the guy was a better surfer. He was a very good surfer.
And then
I don't know what he was doing or something.
He was at the beach, and he lifted his arm, and it's like,
what the fuck? No wonder he's a better
surfer. He's a man at like 14.
And I am 11 at 14.
It's bullshit.
I didn't get dealt a good hand in that regard.
You did not if you were growing in
your fucking pubes like Krusty the Clown down there.
It's having to meet up in the middle.
No, it was for me.
It was like I've heard that this happens for everyone where it happens super quickly when it does start, regardless of whether you start late or early.
It happens really fast, but it seemed like over the course of like five days, he just hit me like a train.
Well, it was suddenly like i was like
waking up and like one arm was longer like i was halfway through an x-man transformation like what's
going on here oh when am i gonna balance out just like just one morning just woke up and i was like
boom like pubes just oh thicket it's like all right this is how i live now when was the first
time that you shaved down there?
Not many people know this about Taylor,
but he's actually been spending pretty much any extra income that he comes by for his entire life
on the electrolysis procedure to remove all of the body hair.
What are they, like 45% of the way done?
Because I know your back used to be just a wolfman situation.
It was.
Forehead.
It's not working great.
I've had my whole body done three times now, and it's just it doesn't stand a chance.
It comes back immediately.
Wow.
It's supposed to.
You know, I've heard.
I'm halfway home from the clinic, and I'm hairy again.
Laser is the only way to completely obliterate the follicle.
I've heard that somewhere.
You might want to look into that.
How do you do it?
Lasers.
Lasers, oh.
It's like a turtle shell down there.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I just remember the first time I shaved everything down there,
I think I was like 16, and I botched it.
It was just a botched job.
I noticed that.
You're like, when's the first time you shaved down there?
And I'm like, I don't know, maybe sophomore in college.
Yeah, and once he finally got them, he wasn't going to let go of that.
He's like, oh, no, they might not grow back.
It's like by one set.
So if you're shaving down there, like inevitably,
I bet everyone gets red bumps
or ingrown hairs.
The way to fix that,
every single time, foolproof.
First of all, after you shave,
you got a blot with alcohol
on a cotton ball or something.
Then this is going to sound silly.
You take Neosporin
and rub it over the whole area
and then put your underwear
on and go about your day.
Because what that's going to prevent is any...
It's antibacterial ointment, right?
So it's going to keep any kind of bacteria from growing in the open wounds that you've
made all over down there around your follicles.
They're not going to get infected.
They're not going to get any ingrown hairs.
They're not going to get any red bumps, which is what that is.
It's bacteria getting into the follicle. Then it seals up around the little
wound. And then it turns into a little pustule. It's getting infected in there. That's what an
infection is. Neosporin completely solves this whole problem. It's gross to have Neosporin on
your balls for a day or whatever. Maybe you scratch and you're like, ah, and you got to
wash up right away. But you'll never have ingrown hairs or red
spots ever again if you do this. That's a really
really good idea. I've only used like
cooling lotion or whatever
when right after you shave.
Maybe that helps a little bit. It doesn't really
long term doesn't do anything.
It just makes you feel like you're preventing something.
Skin talk? Skin follow?
Chicago won.
Chicago won? They beat the conductors they
did she those goddamn black feet did they they really did I'm not making it
up and I stream froze well that sucks we need to win one of the next two then
good luck doing that is everyone up to date on Better Call Saul?
Yes.
A dumb non-ending.
Well, I like the show a lot.
It's a great show.
I'm not going to spoil anything for Phil, but...
Is season two better than season one?
Yes, I think so.
I will say this.
Mike is my favorite character,
and I feel like Mike's doing cooler stuff in season two.
Go ahead.
And I don't think I'm going to spoil anything, but Better Call Saul is a very slow burn in terms of building this character.
I'm waiting for him to be a criminal lawyer.
And for most of season two, he's really, it's just years of development, character development.
Well, the interesting thing about the show is there's no timeline really given.
In Breaking Bad, even, there's no timeline really given.
We've just got the cars to work off of, basically.
But when we look at Better Call Saul, we see the cell phones are flip phones.
You know, that's pretty far back.
You know, there aren't too many flat screen TVs.
It's 90s.
There's lots of 90s references.
You see his suits and stuff, and I know he's kind of flamboyant like that in Breaking Bad,
but still, even the cut of his suits is a little bit more retro.
It's silly.
So it's in the 90s.
So I think they've given themselves at least five years to play with here, something like that,
and maybe they could stretch it out to a seven-year thing.
But I think it's going to be about five seasons to this show.
And I'm liking it so far.
Vince Gilligan makes good content.
I really paid attention to this episode.
This isn't a spoiler, but there's...
Is he the main actor?
Who's Vince Gilligan?
He's the guy who made it.
Yeah.
Like the producer?
I think he's the director.
Okay.
He's saying he's the writer and showrunner.
It seems like he kind of does it all.
There was a scene where they were using
a very uncomfortable camera angle
on a character that was a bit disorienting to the viewer.
And I was like,
why are they using this disorienting camera angle?
It's just not good to look at.
And then I realized that they're mirroring the disorientation
that the character would have in this current situation
because he's lying on a hospital bed.
I was like, oh, yeah, they're kind of making me feel
as disoriented and uncomfortable as he is.
And there are several times as I'm watching that thing
that I'm trying to dissect and look for little cool things
like that. I see them all the time. I really
like what Vince does.
They use reflections a lot. If you see
a polished car, look carefully because
there's something in the door handle or the
reflection that you're supposed to observe.
He builds tension a lot.
In the latest episode, there's a scene
where there must be three, maybe
four minutes that go by without a word being spoken.
And the whole time, my girlfriend and I are just spellbound.
Because you don't know at what second in those four minutes when it's game over, bro.
You don't know what's coming.
You're just like, the whole time, I need to be completely focused on everything on screen because this four minutes is so tense.
Not a word is spoken the whole time.
I don't even think there's music.
Is this Better Call Saul you're talking about?
Yeah, in the last episode here.
The last one, okay.
Yeah, if you think you'll come up with it.
I liked it a lot.
I didn't like the first season a lot.
I definitely preferred, say, the first season of Fargo
to the first season of Better Call Saul,
but I definitely prefer season two of Better Call say the first season of Fargo to the first season of Better Call Saul. But I definitely
prefer season two of Better Call Saul
to season two of Fargo.
That's also
kind of like a different story though, isn't it?
Pardon me? Isn't that a different story?
Season two? Yes.
He's saying in Fargo that
season one and season two are independent. It's a different story
but they're interconnected in some ways.
In season one, they talk about
the events of season two because they
predate them.
That's one that I need to actually
binge watch. Have you seen
season one of Fargo? Season one's amazing.
Excellent. Billy Bob carries
that. I feel like you
just don't have a character like Billy Bob in season
two to carry it as well as he did. The same way I feel like you just don't have a character like Billy Bob in season two to carry it as well as he did.
And the same way I feel a little bit about True Detectives.
They really killed season one.
I liked it a lot.
But season two really didn't get me hooked as much as it did.
Alexandria Daddario got me through it.
I mean, I watched every second of it. And there was one particular scene that was a very, very, very
long, no-cut shot
that goes through buildings, through
police raids, running through
gang territory, people getting beaten and shot
the whole time that I thought was
impressive in maybe episode three or four.
But on the whole, I didn't care for that
season at all. Yeah, well,
for me, Vince Vaughn was a big issue.
And so I loved his scene in the last episode. In the last episode, I'm like, well, for me, Vince Vaughn was a big issue until... I loved his scene in the
last episode. In the last episode, I'm like, okay, I buy you, but the rest, it felt like a guy that
was reading monologues to get the part. McConaughey was so incredible in season one, and Harrelson,
too. They were both really, really good, but especially McConaughey to me. He was so...
It looks like he altered his body tremendously. He's so skinny and awful looking when he's in
that apartment just drinking wearing a wife beat or staring at evidence on the wall or whatever
he's so like like when he gets intense after the the sex scene with harrelson's wife when he
realized that he's been like kind of duped into this and that she's using him like the the look
that he's such he's a very good actor um i i was happy to see mcconaughey do something
other than some dumbass rom-com because uh i always felt like maybe he could be a decent actor
but uh and he's definitely showing it really strong performance in that i like that show a lot
yeah for me i feel like this difference between season one and season two of true detective
season one you fed off of the actors and then and and then there were certain scenes where
McConaughey would be staring
at the TV seeing a horrible thing happen
and you didn't even need to see it.
You just needed to see his face to experience it.
While in season 2
they were just like, look at all this horrible shit.
I couldn't agree more.
It's the difference between Jaws 1 and Jaws 2.
They're like,
and here's the shark everyone. Every episode, here's the shark between Jaws 1 and Jaws 2 you know they're like ah and here's the shark everyone
every episode here's the shark by the way
but season 1 you're like
I don't even know what the shark is
it might be a demon
like you don't know
True Detective is a brand new thing
maybe this is going to be an X-Files type show
where we get down to it and it's literally a fucking devil out there
doing stuff maybe this could be a supernatural thriller
in the end you didn't really know
but then when we got down to it we we saw that yeah there was there were some hints
at that i suppose and then when we got down to it and we saw that no this is just the worst kind of
human being and what a sick fucker he was and his whole thing like he had some sort of split
personality thing it seemed that or he was just very manipulative maybe a little bit of both
just a real nightmare
of a human being uh i like that a lot you got to have a good bad guy for the for the good guys to
even matter and um you know that my favorite my my favorite shows have excellent villains that's
game of thrones is great because there are so many people i hate i i watch game of thrones not for
the characters that i love i watch it for the characters i hate because i need walter fray to
fucking pay for what he did to Robb Stark and everybody.
I need the entire Night's Watch to pay.
I need Ollie to get raped.
I want Ollie to get raped.
I'm talking about child rape right now.
I want to see it.
Ollie deserves it for turning his back on Jon Snow.
That was bullshit.
Jon Snow was like,
It makes me very unhappy when
i watch that show every time one of my favorite characters gets the axe whoever does it to him
the awful awful ramsay snow uh or bolton now i like i hate these characters with such a passion
i i absolutely despise them and i'm only watching because i I think that eventually some of them are going to pay. A good guy will eventually get them.
I need it.
It was very cathartic when I got to see Joffrey finally choking and dying, his face turning blue.
But I wanted more suffering.
I hated Joffrey up until that scene.
And then after he was gone, I was like, just bravo.
I wasn't satisfied with his death.
I honestly wanted more
pain like maybe that's maybe that's horrible for me to say but I wanted him
to be suffering I wanted him to be screaming while being like stabbed like
no and like you said like the guts are coming out and like whoever's doing it
like gets a handful of guts and they're like abomination brother fucker and like stuffs his guts in his own mouth or something.
I wanted to see something awful, like something real awful, because that's what happens to our good guys.
You think Rob Stark would have loved to have just choked and died?
You don't think he would trade what happened to him for choking and dying?
There's nothing to that.
Look at him.
He gets to watch the love of his life that he threw everything away for
get stabbed to death with his child inside of her.
Then his mother in a complete horrible worst-case scenario, really,
what happened to Rob.
But then Joffrey just kind of chokes to death.
I needed suffering.
He was the cruelest of the cruel, just a real abomination.
You know, torturing animals. They should a real abomination. You know, like a...
Torturing animals.
Flayed. Yes.
Flayed. Yeah. Okay.
That's an awful way to die.
Yeah, yeah. You've talked about how
descriptive they get about flaying in the books.
How they skin you and the skin
dries out. Yeah, and your skin
and your muscles and all that. And you eventually
dehydrate almost.
It's a really bad death.
Terrible stuff.
Looking forward to the next season, though.
When is it?
That's this weekend.
Soon.
It's going to be great.
I'll make an event out of that.
I'll get some food.
For sure.
Yeah, it's going to be great.
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