Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #293
Episode Date: August 5, 2016This week on PKA, OpTic MiDNiTE comes back on and they talk about the DNC, the Rio Olympics, Call of Duty 4 and Kyle shares a story about a skunk walking into his life....
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And we're live! Painkiller already, episode 293 with our guest, Optic Midnight.
Hello, I'm Ashley. Optic Midnight, good to meet you guys.
Well, I've already met you guys. I think this is my third time, I want to say.
I think it's been a hot second since you've been on, though.
Yeah, the first one was in, like, gosh, I want to say, like, 2011, 2012-ish, somewhere around there, maybe a little later.
And then the last time was, was like a year and a half ago
or something.
So, you know, I've been listening
way before I was ever on,
and I don't know.
It's just good to be back.
Thanks for having me back.
Yeah, anytime.
Let me tell you guys about the sponsors tonight.
We've got a few sponsors.
I've got a brand new one for tonight,
SmartMouth.
We'll be talking about them later,
smartmouth.com.
Also, we've got Casper coming back,
my favorite and most softest of all the sponsors.
Me undies, CISO, and Loot Crate, it looks like.
I think that's everybody.
Yeah, we'll get to all those later in the show.
Yeah, what do we want to start off with first?
Do you want to just chat to our guest,
who we haven't seen in ever so long,
or do we have something topical we want to go to?
I could go with a little bit of a chat. Let's chat right what's with you so you're still in optic i see the
the banner behind you yeah did you did and did you see this being like oh no 2016 thing that you'd
still be and i didn't see youtube or anything it was a 2016 thing i mean i just kind of started
like making call of duty videos for fun and i I'm like, Oh, yeah, whatever. And then it got into optic. And then that evolved into its own monster. And now just recently, we had like a book come out about all of that stuff that kind of led to this moment, or these moments recently anyway. And so no, absolutely not. didn't picture. I don't think anyone did at the time, though.
Maybe Hector might have seen a little bit of a future going there,
but I was, you know, no idea.
I was in before even the competitive team.
So I had no idea the success we have there.
And so, yeah, it's been kind of a fun ride.
I've been streaming a lot more than making YouTube videos lately
just because I enjoy the, like, instant interaction more, but I still am kind of cranking out YouTube videos lately just because I enjoy the instant interaction more,
but I still am kind of cranking out YouTube videos.
I'm still doing
Call of Duty videos, which is
kind of, I don't know, man.
It's kind of tough. After six years, how many times
can you make a Call of Duty
video, you know?
But I still genuinely enjoy the game.
What's the
new shot status?
Like a no scope trick shot person, right?
No, well, it started as like a sniping thing.
That was how we got like a big YouTube presence
was doing like sniping and being known as like the best snipers.
And then they'd make like sniping videos from that.
Then it turned into commentaries.
That's kind of where I came in.
And then we got make, like, sniping videos from that. Then it turned into commentaries. That's kind of where I came in. And then it just, then we got the pro team.
And then it all just kind of happened really fast.
Like, it really did.
And so it was, like, the right people at the right place doing the right thing at the right time.
And even in their sniping, like, when they were all about sniping, they weren't so much about trick shots, you know?
It was wins, not spins.
Yeah, it was, yeah, that was, like, Hector's. that was like hector's yeah that was hector's like mantra he's like wins not spins he would he liked the
idea of being like the best in the lobby with one of the most difficult guns to use right so right
and um if if there was like a cool clip that you had but you were losing then it's not a cool clip
oh he would roast or even if you would like hector will even still say this like even if you had but you were losing then it's not a cool clip oh he would roast or even if you would
like hector will even still say this like even if you had a particular perk on like if you were
using steady aim like you were a noob you weren't doing it right or whatever you need a deep impact
or ninja or whatever else we know depending on the game so he was kind of an elitist like that
and it's that's how though that we got the idea that that we did how
we got the idea of being like this little elite core uh of snipers and so yeah that's where it
started and then content became a big thing and i mean do you remember do you remember the initial
wings of redemption drama i was just gonna bring that up. This is such old bullshit.
Which one?
Because there's a lot.
So Wings was always talking shit about Hex and Optic and the way they did things.
And quickscopers in general, really, he hated it.
He was a hard scoper.
Tryhards usually do.
Yes.
Yes.
What did he say, Woody?
What was the first thing?
His thing was that if you're going to use a sniper
rifle it's all about camping right you need to set yourself up in a position where you have like a
distant view on traffic and to wings's credit he's particularly good at shooting things that are only
like four pixels large like if he has one skill set it's picking off things from across the map
it's not necessarily zapping on target like a Sandy Ravage can do.
Yeah.
And this might have changed.
I haven't watched in that style, through that lens in a long time.
But back in the day, his thing was like, you know,
putting a red dot sight on a guy that was barely showing any helmet
and getting a kill.
And, yeah, so that was his thing.
He's like, you know, in real life, this is how you use a sniper rifle.
Yeah, he was like Gillilly's in the mist style.
Yeah.
Like hiding and all that.
Uh-huh.
And I remember both Hex and Wings edited videos of each other to make them look awful.
So I think Hex took a Wings of Redemption video.
Yeah, and he edited out like all the kills and just showed all the waiting.
He's like, this is how boring – go on.
Wings had one where – because Wings had really innovative sniping techniques.
He would get in the back of a – like a real sniper would.
He'd get in the – you don't stick your gun out – yeah, innovative.
Yeah, you don't stick your gun out the window of a building.
That's not how a sniper shoots.
You get all the way – like a real sniper.
You get all the way back into the buildings sniper, you get all the way back into
the buildings, and that's what he'd do.
He'd get in the back corner of a building with
thermal, and he'd be looking through this
bullshit crack or something.
But his view was like the whole
corridor, and he's just...
So everyone would know, like, oh, this window
can see this window, right? And it's kind of
a draw there. Wings
would go, like, to some other spot.
He'd find lines of sight
that most people didn't know about.
And he'd just pick you off from
super distances and stuff.
He'd do innovative stuff.
He would want to use cold-blooded. That was his
other thing. He didn't think that stopping power
was necessary for snipers.
He thought that was...
Yeah, he wants you to shoot.
She wants to go neck or above.
He wants to use that Barret
with the thermal on it
or something like that.
Yeah, the cold-blooded scrambler.
Camping or not.
His videos back then were like,
that style,
I understand that it could be boring
of him sitting there for a long time,
but every once in a while,
the stars would align
and six people would be in his line of sight
from his little coven in the back of the house,
and he'd just kill all of them.
And that was almost more impressive
than the whole, like, I don't know,
running around and quickscoping thing,
because it's like, oh, he waited for that,
and that was almost just as much a tactical win
as it was a skill win.
I don't know if he still does it,
but he used to run these odd,
like everyone in the world
agreed Scrambler sucked, right?
Scrambler's terrible, right?
Universally.
I thought it was fun.
Well, hold on.
So what, if people don't know, what Scrambler would do is it would make the mini map in
the corner all snowy and worthless.
But.
No, no, by proximity.
If you're, as you get nearer to me, your mini map scrambles.
Thank you, that's critical.
I create an area of scramble on mini maps.
So what would happen is like, if, as your map started to scramble, your mini-map scrambles. Thank you. That's critical. I create an area of scramble on mini-maps.
So what would happen is, like, as your map started to scramble, you'd know a guy was there.
Like, it's supposed to blind you, but what it actually does is gives you a kind of vision.
Like, oh, there's a scrambler dude around here.
And if you knew the map well, you'd probably know where he was.
Like, oh, he's going to be looking out that window upstairs.
So Wings would use that knowledge. Like, I know you know that.
Therefore, Claymore at the top of the steps.
Like, he would use Scrambler not to mess up your map, but to ring the dinner bell.
Right?
And he's like, yeah, fuckers are going to run to me all day.
I'm not looking out that window.
I'm behind the couch.
You know?
With Scavenger.
Yeah.
So you would die to his Claymore, and he would ka-chink, have another.
And, of course, you're coming right back and he's he's counting on the claymore in a new spot this time and he's just hard scoping
where you came the first time so when you come up that alley he's just with a 50 cal thermal
away and now you're really pissed and you're telling us telling your buddies he's got a
harrier before before you realize this is what he wants.
It was neat.
Once in a while, he would just sit there for three straight minutes,
which doesn't sound like a long time,
but in a Call of Duty game, three minutes is a long time.
And he wouldn't see anyone until he just would do the
bop, bop, bop at no one in particular,
and then wait, and then continue to wait.
There was a map in Modern Warfare 2. I forget it, but it was snowy and in the corner of
it there was like a broken down fuel tanker, like a semi that would carry... he'd hop on
it, he'd wait there and he called it ringing the dinner bell.
He just fire off his like, you know, M16 or something and wait for people to come.
He'd intentionally put himself on the mini-mat so that people would run into his
scope.
Of course,
it got him some heat here and there, but
he played differently than everyone
else, and he ran kits that were different.
He discovered the noob tube problem.
How OP it was.
I remember watching his videos back in the day
and being like, this guy does
play... He's like opposite play style of me.
I'm just the person, give me the submachine gun and the red dot, and I just run around and see what happens.
Whereas he's like doing complex, it almost feels like math problems, mathematics to like judge and decide where he's going to be and put himself in the most advantageous position.
Let's not go too far now.
That's what it seemed like to me.
There were no equations.
Well, there was a little. So get this. He's not jot too far now. That's what it seemed like to me. There were no equations. So get this.
He did a video
on the fastest way to rank up in Modern Warfare 2.
And what he would do
is he would run Emergency Airdrop
and he would give the shit away.
And in some cases, giving it away
caused you no...
Was it called an Orbital VSAT?
Do you guys remember it?
Yeah. And I forget what the Orbital orbital even did what did it mess up everyone it was like a black bird or whatever
the one was that gave you the triangle okay so anyway like if you call that in you'd get like
50 points if someone else called it in you'd get like 350 points it It was like seven kills. And the whole team benefits.
So why would you ever pick that up yourself?
So he would just sit there
and defend the care package
until one of your teammates called it in for
you, and you'd just get a lot
like, you'd rank up a lot quicker. And he would
go through. He's like, the Predator, for example.
The Predator, I think, was 150
points for giving that
away. But how many kills do you get with a predator?
Zero to two, I would say.
Yeah, okay, I'll say one.
One guarantee.
Not even, you think one guarantee, but sometimes you don't get one.
Sometimes everyone goes inside.
Yeah.
But you usually got one.
Sometimes you're lucky and you get two, sometimes you're unlucky and you get zero.
So at most you get 100 for a predator, but if you give it away you got like more than that you got 150
xp so yeah wings you know he would just be like give this away give this away take that take that
santa claus yeah it was uh yeah he had some clever ideas on that stuff there was one video i still
remember of him doing that exact strategy and it it was right when Modern Warfare 2 came out, and
he leveled up, I don't know, like seven
levels in one game, just giving
it away. Was it Scrapyard?
I think it was.
He throws that grenade,
and the red smoke comes out, and then it starts
to drop, and he's just like, I'm gonna
make sure there's nothing there I want.
Nope! And then he just leaves,
and everybody else feverishly runs over
and is stabbing each other to get their hands on it.
I was too selfish for that.
I don't care if I got more points.
I want to be calling everything in.
So it's post-sticker shock, I guess.
We've all had a little time to absorb the fact that
Call of Duty 4 Remastered is coming.
Who's actually going to get it and play it,
and where are you going to do so?
Xbox One.
I like what he said.
I was just like, eh.
I don't want to make a promise.
There's someone out there.
I'm going to get it.
Yeah, right.
I'll buy it.
I got 60 bucks.
So is it sold separately?
I heard that somewhere.
Is that true?
so is it sold separately i heard that somewhere is that true you have to buy the new call of duty in order to get the old call of duty for now i i don't
know anything about if they're going to release it separately but i think it makes sense for them
to do that at some point down the line maybe Maybe after Christmas or something like that. I don't know.
It's included in the next COD.
No, you have to pay
20 extra dollars.
So it's $80 for the
new COD and COD 4 Remastered.
It's supposedly going to have campaign,
all the bells and whistles, but only 10
out of the 14 or 16, whatever
it is, maps. Yeah, they'll sell those later.
Yeah, I'm sure they
will. I'm actually really excited
though, because that's the Call of Duty I started on.
So... Me too.
That's where I started, and that's where
yeah, that's so many people. So that's where
the addiction started, and I mean
I'm hoping that
nothing bad happens to it, I guess.
What console are you going to play it on?
I'll probably do PS4 just
because recently they
moved it over. All the
exclusivity stuff comes out on PS4
first.
Because of that, they're actually releasing the
campaign a month early
if you pre-order it, so you'll get to play the campaign
early, which I think is one of the best
COD campaigns. I'll probably just hop on stream when it comes out and play it
and have a good time.
I'm not sure.
Are you sure that for the next COD, the PlayStation still has the exclusivity?
You are?
Yeah, I'm like 90% sure.
I'd be surprised if they went back to Xbox right away.
I'm assuming the deal they signed with Sony is longer than a year or two.
That's just an assumption. I don't have a playstation 4 um i i guess and maybe i don't
know enough about the new hardware because i know that xbox just released their new console so what's
is is the is the new version of the xbox one the cheapest 4k blu-ray player is that its deal yeah i
i haven't done a whole lot of research on the new... You're talking about the Xbox S or whatever,
Xbox One S or whatever it's called.
Yes, I saw a white one on...
Yeah, it looks really cool.
I think it's smaller and it just has more 4K type of capabilities,
which I'm excited about.
But, I mean, yeah, as far as playing games,
I mean, I might be wrong too.
I haven't super researched it,
but I think it's the same kind of thing.
Yeah, but I'm definitely going to have to get...
I'm probably going to get that
because I don't have a 4K Blu-ray player as of right now.
My PC can do 4K stuff, but it doesn't have a disk drive,
so that's not...
Are you going to play on Xbox One, Kyle?
Yeah, that's what I was getting at.
Good, good, good.
What's interesting about COD 4 Remastered to me is it i i since my cod days i've become a filthy casual and i won't have to invest the same amount
of time in learning maps learning perks kits etc i i assumed on day one i'm gonna know like 85 of
that game and yeah that's kind of the benefit too and it's kind of interesting as i mean you're
probably not looking at from like a content perspective anymore but for me it's like there's some there's choices now
like if i want to make a video on the new call duty i can but if i just want to do something i
already know that i'm i know i'm good at or whatever that i've practiced a lot before i can
go to play call for and i'm just hoping it's done correctly. I don't, I mean,
when I heard about it at first,
I was like, no, Frag Times 3, they gotta change it, they gotta change it. Now the more I think about it, I'm like,
they can't change anything. Don't touch it.
Yeah, don't touch it. Leave it alone.
Leave it.
I still want it to be that
there's no reason to not use Frag
Times 3, and there's no reason to not
use 48-3.
I need the Bandolier.
The Frag Times 3 are great in like uh like backlot domination games where i'm just gonna spend the
whole game coming to the center to kill three people and die and that's that's all my what's
the rainy one vacant yeah vacant some frag times three man just throw them over that fucking wall
you know where they are they're by the glass house. I just, every,
if I spawn on the uphill side,
I throw them over the wall, all three of them,
it's like a mini airdrop.
Yeah, it's like an airstrike almost.
Boom, boom, boom, you'll get a
killer too. I'm not looking forward to
being markedly worse at the game
than I was, what, eight
years ago? Ten years ago?
Practice! See, this is the good thing about this, and this is what I was going to get at, what, eight years ago? Ten years ago? When it came out? Practice! See, this is the good
thing about this, and this is what I was going to get at.
Any video makers out there,
if you're in the
Call of Duty video making game,
go ahead and load up Call of Duty 4
on your 360 and make a video called
Everything You Need to Know About the
Ten Maps in Call of Duty 4
Remastered. And you've already
got them right there. That was my next
video, man.
Get in there.
You can show the grenade spots.
I bet there's so much. There's this huge
wealth of knowledge out there, but it's like
eight years old or something now.
Everybody forgot.
It's dashed away and it's like...
Remember the old C4 throw glitch when you're
planting the S&D bomb? All of that bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like all the grenade spots it's dashed away and it's like remember the old c4 throw glitch when you're like planting this the
all of that bullshit yeah yeah yeah like all the grenade spots where you just look straight up
aim at a cloud those old like cod to zurgris style grenade throws and stuff um there's lots
of shit like that that has been forgotten little life pro tips what's the quote uh in the in the uh
in the beginning of lord of the rings that Lady Galadriel says something like,
much that was once known was forgotten, or something like that.
Much that once was was lost.
There we go.
Of course, okay.
I was like, is he going to know that?
Well, sure.
Oh, yeah.
I'm deep into Lord of the Rings.
The Call of Duty 4 thing like i
either want it to be exactly the same way as it was that frag times three leave it all or i want
it to be the exact same way and they just put something in like that double jump where you can
just like i'm not i don't love the game enough that i would be really upset if it bombed. Oh, fuck you! I'd be upset. It'd be funny to see everyone play it.
Give everybody lassoes or something
and whips and like, no, no bullshit.
I want it unadulterated.
Now look, there are changes that I
would like for my own play style
and the way I think the game could be improved.
But, I know that
I can't start asking you to implement those
changes without considering yours.
And I'm not comfortable with that.
Like, what's wrong with thinking of it?
Martyrdom is silly.
And the reason why is there are situations where if someone throws a grenade in such a way that it explodes right next to you,
it's because of their skill or some random luck.
But it can be because of their skill.
However, if two martyrdom grenades drop
and each of them, one's to your left, one's to your right,
and, you know, that thing's got
like a.5 or.7
second fuse on it.
Yeah, you literally can't live.
It's like, well, what do I do if I turn left, I die, I turn
right, I die. There's no way for me to win this.
This is a no-win scenario, and it's bullshit.
And the martyrdom, it always rolls toward
you, right, the martyrdom. Yeah, it's like heat-seeking
grenades. They'll roll toward you.
So if you shoot them at the right distance from you,
you know, sometimes you just approach it
as it blows. You know, it's like it's
properly timed. It can
be frustrating, but all the CODs have deaths
that aren't really your fault. If you play
shipment, it's pretty much a guaranteed kill
every time you die.
If you're playing 6v6.
It can be.
It's just the constant indicator.
Juggernaut and stopping power need to remain, though.
Because I felt like when they took Juggernaut and stopping power out,
the games got less fun for me.
Because it was only the most ignorant.
If you're a sniper, then Juggernaut's just a problem.
It really just is.
It completely changes the way you play the game.
But for everybody else, it's just a kind of
a mind game. It's one more bullet, and
you're on the same playing field, because
if they've got Chuck, they don't have stopping power.
So it's even. He has to shoot
you three times, you him three, unless you
get some headshot multipliers. It's easy math.
But people are like, ah, he's just got more health
than me. It's not fair. It's like, yeah, but he doesn't
have fucking stopping power, making every
kill super easy. There was a trade-off there. It's it's a mental game because when you shoot and you see the red thing
you're like oh like i get really mad at it part because the juggernaut guy doesn't have something
to kind of make him pause for a moment go oh here we go again like he's focused on every fucking
kill he knows they all take four bullets the stopping power guy he's the one who only occasionally
has to fire the second
burst. He might be in a groove of
one burst, one kill, one burst, one kill,
and all of a sudden he gets to you and starts to follow through
to the third guy and you don't work.
It's like, ugh.
There's stuff I'm...
With sniping now,
there's a trail to where it came from.
Back in COD 4, that didn't exist.
You were just ghost mode
good yeah i guess we'll go back to that yeah like you gotta listen for it like i can remember being
in search and destroy and us being like can anyone hear where that's coming from
because we asked jd reed if he knew where it was, and he said he was going to peek out, and then it said J.D. Reid has died, and I can't get him on Skype right now.
Yeah, because back then you went into death chat,
and nobody was sitting on Skype together and having full-on communication.
That's a thing too, man.
Back in the day, people didn't have – now you're in Skype together,
and you've got full-on communication.
Yeah, or even TeamSpeak, whatever.
There's nonstop communication.
Today, everyone has a headset.
It used to be like being able to directionally locate sound
was a serious competitive advantage.
You might be the only guy in the lobby wearing a headset.
That's not true now.
I feel like everyone has it.
Yeah, everyone's got some kind of headset,
a mic that they're playing loud music through
or whatever they're doing.
It seems like every old cod I go on,
some kid's blastingke through his headset but but yeah now it's like everyone's
on a more even playing field and everyone like like back then too the only way that i got
information about cod for there was no t martin video i go watch or whoever's video i go on
youtube and see what's the best way to do this like I had to go on message boards and like
Figure out strategies for doing challenges. It was it was you really had to dig if I don't wait too much faith in it
Weapon stats and all that shit. Yeah, it was my first video
I would like look at sniper lines of sight online and like but I wasn't nearly qualified enough to evaluate whether this website was
Worth a shit, you know, so I'm like, all right,'s where I want to stand. It's like on top of an open
field. It looks down a road. Yeah, it turns out that it's not a good spot. You learn the
most from playing the game. I remember like getting really into Search and
Destroy and that was where I decided where the best players were because I
read online that that's the best way to rank up so that's where the best people
had to be. So I would literally watch all
the kill cams like how'd this guy do this
where'd he see me from how did he get there
so fast like
the sound is the most important thing
to make in this game
the same because what I thought
was perfect about COD 4
what I was really good at I thought was playing search and destroy
so there's not just constant bullshit
going on and listening for dead silent
footsteps, because I could still hear them within a certain
distance.
You need to still be able to hear them
if you're willing to hurt your ears that much, because you
really gotta crank your shit to hear them.
And you need to be able, all the
footsteps need to be the same. Not just
the volume of them, but one thing
I noticed in Call of Duty 5
The World at war was that
the footsteps footsteps seemed to be disconnected from the character models so the character model
might be here but you sort of heard footsteps in a weird bubble behind them yeah and it was
in cod 4 it was almost like i was a fucking like what's that blind guy from mortal kombat like
chinchy or something like I was just
probably right and know where they
are no matter what but like in World at
War I just remember immediately being like ah well I know
he's in that room I guess which door which door which
door World at War your character
became noisy like I don't know what it
was I described it as jingle bells
yeah it's got
changing you've got like six canteens
on your back apparently
a bunch of sleigh bells and cat necklaces and shit you know it's just like you're a total man
um and then as you get into the more the more recent cards that i started playing like like
they would intentionally add like rocket launches moving moving trains, bars with dance music popping.
None of that.
I don't want any of that.
I want a sterile landscape to conduct my business in.
I want to remove any outside bullshit.
If I die, I want it to be my fault or his skill.
One of those things.
I'm happy with either of those.
There's so many times when I die and I'm like ah he's fucking better than me shit gotta change my tactics here that's the thing
that you don't think about though when looking back at call of duty 4 even if they didn't use
some underhanded like martyrdom or as all the kids called it marty dome um even if they don't
do that even back in that day if i was using the ak-47 and somebody like out
shot me at mid-range with an m16 i'd be like well a fucking course he wins because i'm crippling
myself with this horseshit weapon like and that was aggravating at the time i think people
underestimate how aggravating it was to even venture outside the world of mp5 m16
it depends how you play juggernaut ak was particularly good if you if
you played it naked because as soon as you put the red dot on the damage at close range goes from 40
uh 30 to like 40 20 20 being the the mid to long range damage it causes you got to shoot five
fucking times this probably won't be the same so yeah jug ak was good m60 ak was good too because it does 50 damage per shot so you can two shot somebody across the map and they've got a two round they've
got a two burst you at minimum with an m16 probably three burst so there were some ways to get around
it but the m16 was and then it's the way to go like there are not the best there are problems
with certain guns but if you played them right, they had advantages. Like, I always thought the Scorpion was a weak gun,
right? However, up close
it did like 50 damage per
shot. So if you're, um,
is it block? What's the
one where there's two spots? Yeah, where the two buildings
on the side? Yeah, if you rock Scorpion
and spend all your time in those buildings,
most of your gunfights are going to be same-room fights.
You can rock the Scorpion in that and be
successful and, you know, level it up or whatever it is you're trying to do.
Get your gold...
What was the gold?
Gold Scorpion.
It was the Scorpion.
Getting the gold was so fucking disappointing
because then you have to use a Dragunov.
I wanted the golden M40 so bad.
I was shocked when I found out it was the Dragunov gold.
I was like, what? Well it was the Dragunov gold.
I was like, what?
Well, there's a change they can make.
We'll allow that.
There we go.
Yeah, maybe all gold like they do.
But yeah, I really don't want them to change it that much.
There's a lot of intricacies about the game.
Yeah, I want it to be like I still know the little secrets about the game because I really did play that game a lot when it came out.
I want the glitch on
Overgrown gone.
That rock glitch where you could get in.
The glitches can go.
What about the ambush glitches?
That was fun.
The ambush glitches in center
map I'm fine with.
You know how you could like, if you went
straight across the map, you could get into the
building or go on the side. I think you might be able to get to the roof of the building um but to get outside
the map no i'm not cool with that yeah not outside the map and not under the map you could do all
those things on on ambush you could get uh all over all these buildings there was like there
there really weren't very many buildings that you couldn't sneak out and get on top of in that map
uh who made that one i would love if if you could look at the fine print and see
what dumbass was the one on that map.
Because clearly, that's the one that didn't get
proof tested or something.
Because you could get under the map
by the dom plant
spot that's in that little field over there.
I never knew A and B. I didn't memorize
that part. Because you just look on the map.
I never knew how people memorized that.
But you get under the map over there, you get out of the map on the far side you get on
top of every single building so that map was fucked that can all go i didn't like going under the map
or outside the map to where even if someone saw you you couldn't fight back but the glitch i didn't
mind on ambush is where you do like the little look down then sprint jump and then you get up
into like a different building but you're still visible and they can kill you if they see you so i don't care about that if anything you're kind of making
yourself a bigger target as you look like a goober trying to like sprint run and then fall and then
run your little route back up there sprint run fall then run your little route until you get it
to work but um there's a rocket do you guys remember angling the rocket launcher down and
wearing jugs so you could boost yourself up?
The one on Crossfire, people would do that in S&D the whole time.
And you're like, where are these sniper shots coming from?
Yeah, that was annoying.
I remember that.
Toward the end of the game's life cycle, people were like, just go do it in a private match.
I guess they wanted to get a kill on you from up there.
The bigger problem than getting killed was having them on
your team like that's what i didn't like yeah you gotta watch them ambush man like that map
if you want it's glorious right but if you're losing dom on ambush it is so hard to like
regain mid-map you know you're just pinned down at the end it's terrible you buy the freaking
turret in the back taking out. Two long pathways and that long
strip in the middle. Yeah, you get pushed all the
way back into the ends of your Z.
And they're just sitting in the lane
with their M16. They're calling in
choppers that are getting their choppers
choppers. It was nuts.
We were they! It was great!
That's what I missed, though. I hope
spawn camping is still a thing.
I hope they don't start flipping spawns like they're made of glass.
Yeah, I don't want them to touch spawns.
I want to stick you back there.
I want to stick you back there where you belong, enemy player,
the unnamed Dragonslayer175R,
and just sit there and camp on you for 20 minutes.
It should be old-school DOM rules.
Now, I mean, even in Black Ops 3, you touch middle map,
the spawns are like, oh god, we better spawn
your enemies behind you or to the side of you so that
you don't spawn trap them and make them hit the eject
button. Like, I think it should be
the old-fashioned. You could even spawn trap in TDM
on COD 4. No objective.
Just straight up, play it right, and
you just, you couldn't even let them get a kill.
Or, um, it wasn't as effective because of
the spawn delay, but, um,
oh, what's it called?
What's the game mode where there's one bomb and you're trying to demolish it?
Sabotage?
Sabotage, yeah.
Sabotage, you can get very mean because of the spawn delay.
That allows you to really start moving up your three-man spawn trap.
Yeah, get map position.
And on a map like Shipment, where there are precious little spawn points
in a game mode like that, like in that game
mode, there's only three spawn points per team.
So all you gotta do is put
four. So all you gotta do is put
three of your teammates in three
of the spawn points, allowing only
one more spawn point in the game.
So everybody just aims at that point.
Yep. Like I said, I hope
they keep all that.
Only if Blade had a friend named, I think it was Ricky.
He was amazing at sabotage.
Just beastly.
He would get like 185 kill games all the time.
And I remember, I forget if I was playing with Blade
or if he was telling the story, but he had to go.
They're playing sabotage.
I think it was like a 20-minute timer.
And they let all 20 minutes go to fully abuse their enemies and he's like yo man i gotta roll yeah i'm gonna
back out he's like no no don't back out but we could just win so he like single-handedly takes
the thing runs it in wipes out the whole team they get cod 4 probably still the new cods too
but one man could win him win a game yeah in sabotage ifage, I didn't like playing it as much
where you went in there just to stomp people
for 20 minutes. I liked getting a team of
at least of the six,
get three to four who are good,
and then if you just have it in your head like,
alright, every start of the game, we're using
our little lightweight legs
and running over there with an MP5,
and we're going to win in 16 seconds
every game.
You could level up so fast that way. We in modern warfare 2 not so much cod 4 yeah it either lasted
like one minute or 20 you could decide if you're on the strong team and everyone here has like a
big group of friends when i first started in cod 4 so like my first the first half of my COD 4 career was you know just random teams
the second half you know I got to
be on teams that never lost
which was cool
yep it was nice
well we're all excited for COD 4
yeah I'm gonna
play the new COD but
Battlefield I feel like the world
is excited about the new Battlefield
I think it looks cool.
I wouldn't be excited about it if I hadn't just got this gaming PC.
I wouldn't play it on a console. I'm not too interested in that.
But I really want to play it on this computer.
I really want to play it on the wide monitor and everything.
It should definitely be good on the computer.
I've played Battlefield and I never got into it because it feels so much slower.
It feels more like a simulator than the arcade quick shooter like call of duty a hiking simulator
Yeah, I would die and then on team. This is what it's like to run half a mile
Yeah, basically, but I
The breathing that they do the breathing field makes me feel more panicky than Call of Duty, because, like, in COD,
if you get shot twice, it's like,
like, as he's
kind of dying, but then he's okay.
In Battlefield, you take, like,
three steps, and your guy is
just heaving and hoeing, and it makes you
feel like you're gonna hyperventilate, just
making me nervous.
I hate that.
But I will play it, because it's World War 1
and I don't think I've ever played a World War 1
first person shooter
I'm excited for just the setting
have you watched much of the content from it?
because there's full on game plays and stuff
I've seen it all I think
I don't remember the keystroke they were using
but it looked like if you shot a guy once
and then pressed F
you would go into a bonsai type charge and just hunt him down and fucking the death uh so that looked really
fun if you just put one bullet in him and then stab him to death and it wasn't always a bayonet
the the bayonet charges a thing and he'll like hit the guy in the chest and take him off his feet
down to the ground and kill him but he'll also if you're if you attack from someone from the side
with a melee it looked like he pulls out a trench uh shovel and just hacks them into like the throat right there
uh so that looked really satisfying i can't tell which game is going to be better like it
it if you look at the trailers battlefield is going to be way better right battlefields always
produce better trailers than cod has cod trailers just aren't that good and um but then when you
actually play the game
like oh it's like the same as last year typically yeah it depends on how long like you really want
to put into it sometimes they have the nerve to release like just skinned games like i didn't
play the star wars one but everyone who plays it kind of agrees like this was a thin game you know
yeah that i i didn't play much battlefield but that was the one where I played I'm like okay this is like Battlefield but I kind of like it
because it's Star Wars and it you know it feels like Battlefield so that's how
that was kind of like the familiarity I guess that I felt with it but yeah
that's why I'm looking forward to this one though because I feel like it'll be
like that hopefully cuz I kind of like that game great side from the running
and in my exposure
like everyone switched over to pc gaming but i don't know what the real numbers are like for all
i know console is that i feel like in 2012 console was way bigger it's 2016 and like everyone i know
is kind of like gotten pc excited and into that but i don't't know. It might be like a lot of younger people invest in consoles because it's easy to say, hey,
mom, go buy this PS4.
That's what I would do when I was a little kid.
But for PC, especially for like Battlefront or I mean, Battlefield games, that's like
a really big community on there.
And that's like the community you want to be in for that game.
I mean, you can still play it on console and probably have a fun time.
But I want to be in for that game i mean you can still play it on console and probably have a fun time but i want to try it on pc when i was playing battlefront on pc and i was getting annihilated by these people that were just amazing so i was like okay i need
i need to play this more that's my csgo experience yeah about the same for me i'm a silver two
that's my every experience with any sports game I've ever tried to play online against any other person.
Like it's not a sometimes I go up against someone who's not that great.
I swear to God, everyone who takes the time to actually go online and play versus an NHL 16 on the EA servers has four to six hours a day devoted to techniques and strategies and offensive zone break-ins and
it's like i play my friends when they're over and i'm just like beating ass like oh yeah i'll play
as the oilers you can be the blackhawks that's fine oh six nothing you eat shit i play against
a 14 year old half an hour later and it's like he it's like he'll get into my zone and be like
that was too easy i'm gonna double Like, now you're humiliating me.
Same thing with Madden, same thing, any sports game.
I know you guys both don't play sports games,
so maybe you don't have the same experience.
I had the exact same experience with Madden.
I can remember being at, like, I don't know, like a house party,
and we'd get it out and start playing.
And I had no Madden experience other than just playing single player
maybe a couple hours a day.
But I was still as good as just about everyone there I didn't win every game I
would win some and lose some but then we got online and we all just get destroyed
it's like who are these people is there a group of friends at some other house
making fun of us right now or what's happening yeah they're smart people
somewhere just killing us their house party is just laughing at how bad ours is and when they like do strategies in game like i'm not trying to look like a real
nhl team out there like i give it to the best guy and then that guy's doodles around and then shoots
when they come up the ice and they look like a real team where they're like you know
pass back to smith smith over to oj. OJ takes the shot, and he's gone!
It's like, fuck!
Whereas mine, it's like, another fast entry from Tarasenko.
Oh, misses the net.
Like, anyway.
Well, see, maybe that's the barrier that you've got to penetrate,
because that happens so often in all the games that we've taken on
that I've gotten good at.
Mostly RTS and SIP, which is turn.
But I can remember at first
it would be like, we can't even beat
the AI on normal, and then we get
to the point where that's laughable, and then
we can't beat the AI on
expert, we can't even fathom that.
And then we get to the point where, yeah, we can beat the AI
on expert. So, maybe there's
just a little layer you gotta... Are you watching
your YouTube videos? Are you training?
Are you doing your finger
exercises? I haven't done any
of those things. You've got to get your rubber bands
and stretch them. Is St. Louis going to
suck next year?
In real life,
your hockey team,
they trade three of their better players.
Even the GM is saying stuff like
yeah you know we hope that
we hope that our younger players
get better really fast that's our
plan
we're really trying to accelerate the good process
no basically what it is
is David Backus our captain
who he's gone right
that's a different one yeah he's
30 31 years old he's played his
whole career in st louis and he's a power forward so he's constantly sacrificing his body getting
the shit beat out of him in front of the net and he wanted like six years in as a contract for like
six million dollars a year whatever in st louis and that's a bad contract to take because those
power forwards their bodies start to fall apart so that would have been maybe worth it for the first two years, but not at all after that.
Boston picked him up, and so they're going to get maybe two, two and a half good years out of him and then not.
Our other power forward, Brower, we didn't want to sign him because he's also 31, and so he went off to Calgary.
One of our goalies went to Calgary as well.
So really, I'm glad that we let them walk as opposed to signing
them to contracts that will ruin our cap later. Because now it's like, you know, we have a young
core of a lot of guys under 28. And we're taking a small step back, maybe medium step back from
last year, to make sure that in three years, we're not totally shit, because we locked up all our
money in a couple of guys who now are on injured reserve the entire season
another way to rephrase that is oh it turns out last year was our shot oh no they've had so much
better shots than that and still blown it so many like or no that was their second best the 1999
team was really fucking good they had a shot 2001 team was really good um did they win the president's
cup this year or am i crazy no that washington capital is well win the president's cup this year am i crazy no that washington
capitol is well in the president's cup that's right um blues were in uh third place in the
entire league i guess they're good next year we just won't be as good as we were this year
because we have to wait for these guys to get older as as that happens you know oh okay yeah
getting older will help.
You're saying that unless there's some
Captain America serum
used on your hockey team,
it's going to be a couple of shitty years to come.
Not necessarily shitty.
I would say this year...
Compared to this year?
Compared to this year, next year will be disappointing.
Will you make the playoffs?
What?
Will you make the playoffs? Yeah, we'll make the playoffs first round what you make the
playoffs yeah we'll make the play i really have no doubt like the blues are still one of the best
teams in the league they're just not top three anymore now they probably put them at like seven
yeah i don't see that's the beauty of being a flyers and hurricanes fan because there's nowhere
to go it up you know if we make the, we'll break our non-playoff streak.
Yeah.
Can we make some –
You know, we're a team.
We certainly play.
There's not a college team in the nation that could take us.
That's true.
I would stand for midnight.
Are you a hockey fan at all, or are you near?
You know, I really should be because I'm from Minnesota.
Hockey's huge here. Go wild, I guess.
But yeah, really, I only like NFL, Minnesota Vikings,
and I avidly watch the UFC.
That's my sports I watch.
Everything else is like, oh, cool.
But I'm not following it.
You're an odd person out because else is like oh cool but i'm not like following it person out because minnesota is like the state everybody's a wild fanatic which sucks because they're right yeah
yeah everyone here loves the wild and like i have like family members that play hockey
and they grew up playing hockey and it's cool and there's rinks all over the place but
yeah just i don't know it never
clicked with me i remember going to a game as a kid and being like i can't even see the puck what's
happened like i couldn't follow i guess my first boss at cisco right he lived in the south somewhere
i think i don't know that that detail could be wrong and then he moved to minnesota when he was
like 16 years old right and it's this small town in Minnesota. And everyone's talking about him, like getting the scouting report.
Like, ooh, what's the word on this Chris guy?
And they're like, he can't even skate?
He can't skate?
He's 16 years old.
He can't even skate?
What the fuck?
The way he described it, the whole town was like, oh, yeah, Chris, yeah.
They want to know what kind of addition they're making to the local team. And when they heard he couldn't skate, it was like, you know, oh, yeah, Chris, yeah. They want to know, like, what kind of addition they're making to the local team.
And when they heard he couldn't skate, it's like, what kind of fucking teenager can't skate?
Get him out of here.
No, yeah, that sounds like small town Minnesota.
Can we all agree that they should at least alter the puck in some way?
What way?
Make it more visible to the crowd and the viewers online.
What's better with black?
Maybe they should have black ice with a white puck.
No, although I like that.
I would like it if instead of this opaque white ice,
it looked like they were skating on infinity.
Just a clear thing with distance underneath them
so it looked like they were flying.
So they're all disoriented trying to catch the puck on their stick?
Yeah, add some skill to the game. That's what i'm saying skating on the ice turns into white yeah suddenly depth perception becomes a new trackable stat you know guys are like got wonky
eyes when they retire like yeah for so long trying to track it to my stick and now it's all fucking
you know it's like but realistically, what if in the
center of the puck there was just a really
bright red LED?
I don't know. Or yeah, like a light
or something. Yeah, what if it was glowing
red so that everybody, including the players,
could really keep tabs on
that thing? The one thing I would be good with...
Because when they fire a slap shot,
when they really knock the shit out of it,
I know the direction it's going in.
So I immediately just go, all right, look toward the net and we'll figure out where it is now.
And I bet you guys are the same unless you have some sort of crazy vision or like 200 FPS monitor you're watching these games on.
I was going to say, I've got two ideas.
One, if the TV channel went to 1080p at 60 frames per second,
that would be a step in the right direction.
I feel like just like in gaming, when you go from, in this case, 24 to 60,
it would be a big improvement.
Or maybe it's 30.
The other thing, and they used to do this,
when the puck isn't visible, like when it's behind a player
or up against the boards, they'd make it glow so you could see where it was.
Not the trails. It used to be when so you could see where it was. Not the
trails. It used to be when you passed it, there was
a blue shriek, and when you shot it, there was
a red one. That I
don't need.
And they were shitty. It wasn't like,
listeners who are hearing this who never saw it are like,
well, actually, that sounds like a good fucking idea.
It was more like on NFL Sunday
when they have that magic marker
that they write on a TV screen with and show you.
Here's the puck scoring north, and you're to that side of the ice.
You're over.
Real quick, though.
He passes it back.
And it's like it was not helpful.
Some meteorologist handwriting showing you how they hit the puck.
That was bullshit.
And that's one of the reasons that when I went to the game, it was great because I'm getting whatever real world.
I don't know how many pixels are out there in RL But it's all shitload okay, and I don't know what frame rate
I'm reading things at but it's high too so I can see the puck all the time I can when they crash into each other
You know that the audio is perfect obviously good fucking real
But I just can't get into it on watching on a screen for some reason the way I do other sports
Well if you ever come to st. Louis during hockey season
I'll buy tickets and take
you to a game. It'll be fun
to be there in person.
The atmosphere is like the Woody.
It's like $8 beers.
It's like $9 beers.
The atmosphere is good.
The environment is so much fun. It's so energetic.
Everybody's screaming. The fights
are exciting. We got the
best enforcer in the league. If there's a fight
that Reeves is in, we're going to go ahead and win that. Is that the black guy? fights are exciting now we got the best enforcer in the league so if there is a fight that reeds
is in we're gonna go ahead and win that the black guy uh he's at least half black yeah i mean if
you're look i i think that being a black hockey player is like being a black president if you're
half that's good enough you're full there's no well he's half black no he's the black hockey player i saw him he's out there
and he's just like yeah come on and he's got like good he's a good skating fighter and a decent
hockey player maybe i don't fucking know but what i did definitely noticed was that he was if there
was a fighting league that just you fought on skates he we get him right in there because he's
incredible like he's a really good in there because he's incredible like
he's a really good fighter and and he's got he had all these techniques where he was trapping
their arms and like fucking chicken winging them and like punching them in the face and they're
just like who is this guy get me out of here it's like that the nhl is changing and moving away from
like the enforcer role even being a thing,
which I really don't like because I think it's good to have the Blues all-star,
Vladimir Tarasenko, one of the best players in the league. If someone starts fucking with him, I want to know that the next line,
they're going to be like,
Hey, Reeves, we need you to go out there and beat the shit out of DeKaiser
or whatever our Canadian coach says.
It's good that they know that threat is there,
and that they can't just act and ignore it.
How much of the success of a smaller-framed, wiry, quick guy,
like Wayne Gretzky, is because players didn't want to hit him?
Let me finish my question.
Is it because players didn't want to hit him?
Because, hey, that's Wayne Gretzretzky no don't fucking hit him or did was there an enforcer for the bulk
of his career right behind him ready to kill someone if they did so woody sounds like he's
ready to answer that oh i mean i know you probably do it better but yeah so he had a
deforcer his name was mcsorley he ended up getting in trouble and they threw him out of the league
but um he would protect that. But I think also
Gretzky had a vision that made
it hard to hit. If some brute
wanted to line him up from seven strides
away, good luck
with that. Yeah, but if he's killing you
every night, somebody's going to hit him in the back.
If he's Billy
McGuire from Utah,
where hockey's not so big.
No, you're right. The, and the NHL is,
just like most sports, is notorious. Like, if LeBron James gets punched in the, you know, stomach
lightly by someone, it's going to be a way bigger deal than if you hit Joe Schmo the same way. Like,
that's just the way it is, but, like, the first part of Gretzky's career, McSorley really, really
protected him a lot, if I'm not mistaken. And then it got to the point that he
was so respected and just so much
better than everybody else that it was like, no, you're not
going to cheap shot Wayne Gretzky. Are you going to be the
dude that's known in the NHL community
forever as the guy who ruined
Wayne Gretzky's career? No.
I want to continue living and
have people like me.
In the beginning of his career
when McSorley was next to him, he was a play a goal scorer etc in the later part like when he was playing for
the Rangers you know he would set up in his office like behind the net and uh just like you know
everyone's playing except Gretzky who's observing and setting things up and then as soon as it went
to him he'd hit that outlet pass and the guy would one-time it and how are you going to hit the guy who's who's the whole thing is watching what's going down
yeah he would just lure you behind the net and then as soon as you're behind the net he can either
dip and dodge around you fire a pass off and by that point you're too out of position to cover
the person that you just left open so he was a master tactician at that and like in the realm
of like michael jordan being the best in the nba
i don't know who you'd say for the nfl so many positions and wayne gretzky being the best for
the nhl no one's records beat the fuck out of everybody else's like wayne gretzky's the way
it works in hockey is you get a point for a goal or a point for an assist an assist is any pass to
the person who scores or a pass to the person who passes to the person who scores. So it's two passes out.
If you got rid of every single goal
Wayne Gretzky ever scored
and only counted assists as points,
he'd still be the all-time leading scorer.
All-time.
So he's like first place,
like 2,800 career points.
Next up guy is like, I don't know, 1,800?
Yeah.
Is any of that,
when you look at that score objectively or that record objectively,
is there any of that that you're like,
well, but there was those three years when he was here
and it just seemed like they were giving him assists
because this is the guy he was feeding him to?
Or is there any part of those numbers where you're like,
well, it's that high because of X?
Yeah.
Well, there's certainly the fact that he was on the Oilers as a dynasty.
So in five years, he won four Stanley Cups with the same team.
So it wasn't like they were winning.
Are all of those post-seasons counting toward his records, right?
No.
No, that's regular season record.
Oh, shit.
That's impressive then.
Yeah, his post-season, I'd have to look it up.
Really good.
Really good.
There was another guy. Who's the guy that played, his postseason. Wow, really? He was really good. Really good. There was another guy.
Who's the guy that played like in five decades?
Gordie.
It's not Gordie Howe, is it?
Yeah, Gordie Howe.
He just died.
Yep.
This guy played, I'm going to get the things wrong, but I think he played in like the 40s,
50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s or something insane like that.
40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s.
Okay.
And then he played like an exhibition game in the 90s,
but that doesn't count.
But from 1949 to 1981, or whatever it was,
it was a lot of fun.
It was so crazy.
Yeah, he'd play in the NHL level with his children.
Yeah.
And he's still a viable player.
It was good.
There's pictures of him facing off.
Or there's a picture of him facing off.
Or there's a picture of him sitting with Wayne Gretzky
as a little kid
because Wayne was his biggest fan.
And then there's another picture
of him taking a face-off
against Wayne Gretzky
in the NHL
like 12 years later.
Still playing.
Totally bald.
And for as long as
that guy's career was,
he had like two and a half careers,
Gretzky outscored him by a lot.
An order of magnitude.
Gretzky was really
good. Now, you could argue he played at a time when people
scored more than they do now. Defenses
changed and such.
Still,
right now, people
are arguing that LeBron is better than Jordan.
I feel like
they're knowledgeable people. I'm not one of them
who say, you know what?
The Jordan mystique is
just this thing that he couldn't possibly be
beaten, that there was no one on his level, etc.
But when you really look at
it, Jordan was just actually
the best player of his era.
LeBron,
with his size and his stature and the things that he's
doing, there are people who think
he's a better player.
I'm unqualified to say.
No one does that about Gretzky.
No one says, you know what?
Tereschenko's actually better. No, he's not.
No, it's Gretzky.
It's Gretzky unquestionably.
Nobody's better than Gretzky.
Undisputed.
Best argument would be Sidney Crosby.
Or maybe if you're going to talk about someone right now, I'm saying.
And you're a Flyers fan, so obviously you're going to be like,
oh, that guy with 940 points in 700 games.
Wow, what a loser.
He sucks, crybaby.
But anyway, yeah, I'm sure they're tired of hockey talk.
But I'm glad you asked that question because that makes me happy.
Do you want to watch this guy shoot himself?
Unless you've got something better.
I could do that.
I've seen it a
couple times i had a different topic but i think yours is better that's why i came here you would
like to watch a man shoot himself can we show this can this be on youtube does he die he is on
youtube no he doesn't oh so it's not safe for life or not is it like an accidental like no
in my understanding if i have the background in this, is this guy's a rapper and he shot himself for a rap video.
Like Cheddar Bob?
Yeah, exactly like Cheddar Bob.
Yes.
Oh, sure.
Similar to Cheddar Bob.
I guess.
Oh, shoot.
He shoots himself in the mouth.
Gotta love that thumbnail right now.
That is a man on his thumbnail game.
Look at that.
He's letting you know right away,
yeah, this is happening.
The only time where you will believe
what happens next is actually
a prudent line, and they don't use it.
I'm queued up at zero.
Before we watch this horrible thing,
I opened it on my phone,
and it got to the part where he goes and
Then I stopped it because I was like I don't fucking see that so dude first impression is he does this
You cute zero zero you go to zero and we all press play together
And I'm stuck at one, but I'm sure zero all right. Are you guys ready? Yeah? Yeah ready set play?
I'm sure it's zero.
Are you guys ready?
Yeah.
Ready, set, play.
I don't want audio.
I have audio.
I'm doing... Oh, he has a neck tattoo.
Oh, God.
He's about to do it.
Oh, Jesus.
Why?
Why did you do it?
Oh, shit.
What is he doing?
Oh, he's spitting blood out. He doesn't care, though. I don't give a fuck about nothing
and that's it
now the thing is
the bullet's gone
no he said I swallowed the bullet
right I was about to say that
he thinks he swallowed the bullet
it did not come out the other cheek
my expectation for something like that would be it be it did not come out the other cheek my expectation
for something like that would be it'd be in one cheek and out the other one but i was thinking
it went like through this cheek and then kind of like forward out you know like maybe out the front
next to him because there's no way it went through his cheek and just went like and then stayed in
his mouth and then he swallows it and doesn't. Like, notice that he did that.
Oh, he just swallowed a really hot piece of metal.
Oops.
Like, it must have slipped my mind.
I like your theory.
I like that the chief deflected it.
Does he want a piercing, or why did he do this?
I don't get it.
Just to be like, yeah.
I think it's for...
To be fair, he should have mentioned the rap album
before he shot himself in the face.
Well, yeah.
We don't know where to go.
Is it in stores now? I don't know.
What's the iTunes?
Seekless on iTunes.
Bang!
Knight explained that he originally wanted
to perform the stunt for a music video,
but no cameraman would film it,
so I did it myself since I felt like taking a bullet
to the face. Anyway, this is
really nothing. I've been shot a couple of times,
and this was like 4 out of 10 on the pain scale
after the initial impact. I look
slightly disoriented after the blast, but that's
because my ears were ringing in pain.
It was hard to focus on sound and although I
assume I swallowed the bullet, I wasn't quite sure.
And then he tells anyone worried about
shooting himself in the face, deal with it.
He should put sunglasses on.
Oh man, he really came out on top
with this one. i don't give a
fuck whether you want me to live or not unless you're paying me money you care for my life will
never supersede my disregard for it the worst part about all this is i'm pretty sure this is
going to count toward the gun statistics like this is why those those stats look so fucking bad. You got this guy out there going like, check out my album 2017.
What the fucking asshole.
Wow.
I don't know what kind of gun that is.
I don't know what kind of bullet that would have been.
22?
Is there like a 17 in a handgun?
No, it could be like a 25.
It could be like a 32.
There's all of these like.
What's weaker than.22?
.17, right?
There's a.17 HR, but those are fast, elongated varmint bullets.
But in the class of short, slow pistol bullets like we would see here,
it's a.22, a.25, i got a 32 something like that is there some kind of the 25 and 32 are they
more powerful than a 22 they sound yeah yeah yeah well you can't be 100 maybe they've got like no
powder or something but they're obviously heavier but so the 22 is the weakest i would have thought
even a 22 would go out the other cheek taylor has to be right. You say weakest, but by what measurement?
By the ability to pierce the other cheek.
The.22 is a.32 grain bullet or something like that going 700 to 1,400 feet per second.
So, I mean, it could do all kinds of crazy shit.
A.22 can, but maybe a.25 is like this lumpier, fatter bullet going much slower,
and maybe it's 700 feet per second and
70 grains i don't know what a fucking 25 is i to me if i'm being honest like the guns like the 25
and 32 are like like street guns like there's no reason for someone who likes guns to to really
have one like that's what i usually say is like why would you that's kind of like a low class
gun the person who has that is like to no good, or it's like
granny's old pistol in the attic or something.
That's not the kind of gun that you would buy.
Is there any round out there
that wouldn't go straight through
both cheeks? I feel like
even the weakest thing, if you hold the barrel up there,
it's going to just punch right through.
Yeah, that's what's surprising.
Both cheeks are nothing.
It's just, I mean, people pierce that all the time, right? Yeah, that's what's surprising. So I don't... Both cheeks are nothing. Like, it's just a... I mean, people pierce that all the time, right?
Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
He was just looking for a cheap piercing.
He could have made a dummy load.
That could have been...
This could be fake.
I mean, let me watch it again, I guess.
If it was a rubber bullet, would it still go through?
Do you think it was rubber?
I don't know.
I think a blank one can go am a blank i mean that close yeah
i'm gonna watch this shit again i looked it up i did some more googling and another
article describes it as a 22 oh wow ah so he could use the revolver 22 make it look
more hard to see that if you pause it at like right after he shoots, I'm going, oh! Oh, yeah.
Hang on.
Did we see where the bullet went?
I'll watch it again.
Yeah, I think maybe she goes in his mouth,
in his cheek, and out his open mouth, maybe?
I'm clicking it frame by frame at the worst part,
which is 12 seconds.
That's what Taylor said.
I think that has to be it.
He's lucky it didn't hit his other cheek,
because it would be like an exit wound. I think it'd be worse. I think that has to be it. He's lucky it didn't hit his other cheek. It would be like an exit wound.
I think it'd be worse.
I can't tell if it's the
force of the gun that made his
cheek do that roller coaster
wall thing, but it looked almost like
it went through, hit this little
edge right here, and then
kind of like whizzed out.
His face before he does it
is hilarious. The pistol barrel fucking window into the house.
The pistol barrel kind of points toward the camera at one point.
And it looks like a.22.
It looks really tiny, the barrel does.
Yeah, what a douchebag.
I mean, his face before he does it, he's like, yeah, this is the best idea I've ever had.
Don't shoot your face, kids.
Don't get to this point of your life, okay?
You think he did do it for a piercing?
And he was just like...
He's so full of shit he's got earplugs in.
Like I don't know...
Let me see.
I'm watching it.
Is he driving?
There's no way. He's in the car for sure.
Is it the right side of the seat
that means you're gay?
Ah, fuck.
He does have earplugs.
He turns his head, right, like seven seconds.
That's so bizarre.
This is one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen
because I'm trying to wrap my head around what he was really doing, you know?
But in the end, I'm coming to the conclusion
this is a real crazy fucking person.
He even says after he shoots himself in the mouth,
I don't
give a fuck about anything anymore i'm just driving around shooting myself that's what i do
that's because i'm hard check out my new album 2017 don't give a fuck lyric was like i won't
your concern for my life ruin my you know harmful hobbies or whatever the hell it was where it was
like what the fuck?
You know he's going to have some cool,
some good rap lyric about spitting bullets
or like, you know.
The thing about the internet, though, is this
whole event will be completely
gone in two weeks. He really needs to bring it closer
to his album's release date. He'll shoot himself again.
He'll just reload.
His calling card now is going to be like,
Lil Hearing Aid.
He'll just reload. I mean his calling card now is gonna be like little hearing aid
I don't like it fucking hurt is what that look like what an asshole. Yeah, it's stupid I mean the blood that pours out of his mouth to after he does it's kind of insane
Yeah, it's just like well after talking about that gentleman shooting himself in the mouth, now might be a time to tell everyone about Smart Mouth.
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Yeah, I got a whole gift box from them the other day.
The mints, the mouthwash, all that stuff.
I'm a pretty big fan.
The mints especially.
I think they prevent dry mouth.
Yeah, and a quick addendum onto that.
I'd feel guilty if i didn't
divulge my bias with this and uh well i guess i can explain it differently you guys always want
the by you guys i mean the listener you're always trying to get the like behind the music vh1 of my
life where you're like oh man what does he do when he's not doing podcasts it could be anything it
could be it could be a stripper no it not that exciting. I'm a marketing and advertising consultant,
and SmartMouth is a company that I've worked with before.
And so obviously when they reached out to me like,
hey, you want to have us as a sponsor?
We really think some of your audience may enjoy this product.
I was like, of course.
And so I wanted to keep it up front with you guys.
This isn't a CSGO lotto situation,
and it's not like I fucking own this place anyway.
I'm not making this money.
Good guy, Taylor. But it's not like i fucking own this place anyway i'm not making this money but good guy taylor but it's an excellent product um it's actually two liquids in there at once and when i first learned about it i thought it was kind of like gimmicky like why do you need
two that's kind of weird like it's got two spouts where two different liquids pour and they combine
together and activate and it really does do what it says it's going to do. Like, I hope you guys trust me enough to know I would never bring a product I was affiliated with on here unless I really thought it was good and that you would like it.
And unlike pretty much every other product we promote here on PKA, it does most of its business in stores.
So even if you don't want to order it online, pretty much walk into any store around you.
Go to their toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash section.
You'll find it.
any store around you go to their toothpaste toothbrush mouthwash section you'll find it um and the science itself like it's not one of those products where like a homeopathic where
it's like oh just crush up ladybugs and ant legs and add soy milk to give yourself a moisturizing
cream like no it's actual science clinically proven uh go to their website check it out and
they have coupons you can download there as well to use in store so yeah it'd reflect
well on me of course if you go buy some some fucking mouthwash there it is 12 hours is amazing
most mouthwash doesn't even attempt anything like that no have you guys been watching the democratic
national convention i checked it out uh it's really upsetting it's it's it's been really
interesting so far so there was there was a lot of Bernie supporters making themselves heard and making themselves seen.
That part in particular I found interesting.
It's got to be frustrating if you're a Bernie supporter, a real one.
Like if you liked Bernie for the revolutionary movement that he was talking about this whole time.
You know, I'm not really a Bernie supporter. I don't really like a lot of the, that he was talking about this whole time. And you know,
I,
I'm not really a Bernie supporter.
I don't really like a lot of the things that he stands for,
but if I were,
I would be so upset by all this.
I would be so upset that he took all your money and he gave it to Hillary Clinton.
He took all of your,
all of the time and effort that you put into this and,
and basically gave it to Hillary Clinton.
He's going to give her all of the time and effort that you put into this and basically gave it to Hillary Clinton. He's going to give her all of his lists,
all of the information that you guys went out
and ran around the world on your feet,
compiling all that data.
He's giving it to Hillary Clinton.
And I don't know what you're getting for this.
Yeah, the ticket is a little bit more to the left
than she would like it to be.
There definitely were some concessions made
as far as policy and so forth,
but you're not getting your minimum wage.
You're not getting your free college.
You're not getting a lot of the things that he stood for.
And the person that you're nominating, the person that he's telling you now to bend over and take it from is crooked.
She got is crooked.
Yeah, crooked, as Mr. Trump would say.
as Mr. Trump would say, but the reality is that she's in bed with the people that you guys are so vehemently against, you know, from big corporations to Wall Street to Saudi royalty,
you know, putting money in the Clinton Foundation into Hillary's pocket for influence.
I don't get it. I don't know how you've been over the years.
I've been ripping on Sanders supporters for a while now, but I've really turned around on a
lot of them watching the DNC little clip
of every time, at least at first, before they all left, which they did, huge swaths of Bernie
supporters just left the convention, so they had to pretend that it was still full by just
focusing on the stage.
But every time they were like, we need to vote, even when Bernie was up there, and you
gave me your money, I gave it to hillary and now it's
very important that we vote for the establishment that three months ago i said would literally be
the end of the world it's like and his fans were like boo boo no like this is ridiculous and
kudos to them like sticking by your guard like you're not just they're not retarded
like you have to be a moron to just really be like oh well i guess he says to follow
her now that'll work okay like no like like what are you talking about she's just as bad as trump
like she's she's just as much of a problem for you on if you're a bernie supporter if you're that far
to the left of hillary then she's just as bad i mean she's pretty right down the middle from
your standpoint from your point of view of being a democratic socialist.
Do you think you're going to get a basic income from her?
Do you feel like he was kind of
forced into the situation he's in now?
Because it just does seem so...
I think he was bribed into positions.
Yeah, I feel like it's so backwards from the
trail he was on. I mean, I'm not
a super political person
who follows it all closely, but I did follow
what he was doing and
to just kind of turn like real quick you know he's on this path and then i mean i mean it's
completely possible that that he's not in love with hillary like he's sort of pretending to be
now and he's like look it's hillary or trump like get real yeah and you know that he's just like
you know he's voting his conscience based on the options that are out there.
Because what else is he going to say?
You know, go to Trump?
Personally, not a big fan of either of them.
Jill Stein offered to give him the Green Party nomination, right?
Like, I bet Gary Johnson would probably step out of the way and let him run as a fucking libertarian.
We all know the effective result of having Bernie and Hillary is a Trump presidency also.
Yeah.
They would split the left.
It's a Trump presidency, right?
Because if there's a split thing, then it goes to the House, and then they make the
decision, and then just go, well, Trump.
It wouldn't even be like that.
Trump would get the 270 so easily because Hillary and Bernie would split the states
they would otherwise get.
I think a lot of the forecasts would show that maybe no one gets to the 270
if you introduce a candidate like Bernie Sanders
and he's got the backing of the Green Party or the Libertarians
and they actually get on the stage and debates and such.
That's impossible.
Then I think the Electoral College votes a couple of times.
Nah, it's the fucking House, man.
It goes to the House, which is Republican-controlled.
You're probably right.
Yeah.
Do you guys get the vibe
that Republicans don't even really
are like, yeah, Trump?
Dude, no one likes their candidate.
I don't like Trump.
I've got a couple things.
I don't like any of them.
I don't know what to do.
When Obama and Clinton
ran against each other
back in, whatever, eight years ago,
everyone was like,
you know, no,
us Clinton people are never going to go over to Obama. Like, don't even think about it. We're
split. We're pro Clinton. That's it. And then they did. They went to Obama. So I assumed a similar
thing would happen with Bernie that, you know, like, yeah, we're pro Bernie. Don't think we're
going to Hillary just because she's also a Democrat. I actually question it now. You know,
like maybe those Bernie people aren't going to come to Hillary, but I can't think of a race with two weaker candidates in my
lifetime. There has always been somebody doing this who would be like a decent president. And
sometimes like, um, yeah, I, the first time W ran when it was W versus Gore, I was like, you know
what? I feel like if either one of them gets president, they're both going to be fine.
George W was great that first
time around in those debates and that early
process. He seemed like
the guy you wanted because you had Gore up there
so mechanical and robotic.
I was so stupid.
He kept talking about the polar ice
caps and George W's up there and he's your friend.
He's kind of...
I remember when Al Gore tried to do that shit where he creeps up on George W's up there and he's your friend. He's kind. And I remember when Al Gore tried to do that shit where he
creeps up on George W and
stands over him because it was like a
debate tactic of his because he's a tall
guy. He was alphaing. He's trying to alpha
W. He like
walks up on him. While they're
debating, they're doing one of those things where you kind of walk around the room
with a microphone and answer
questions from the crowd.
And Gore's like trying to alpha dog him or something,
coming up and looming over him.
And George just goes, hey there.
Like kind of pointing out, what are you doing so close to me,
you fucking weirdo?
Let me finish answering this question.
You just want to hear what George W. has got to say.
Gore walked over there like alpha,
and then W. made him look like a dork.
What are you doing here?
You know, like, aren't you goofy?
Yeah, yeah.
It totally backfired.
You smell like mothballs, you old weirdo.
And Gore got up there.
You old goofy Gore, you know.
He had a plan to, like, make Social Security solvent.
And in his plan, he mentioned the word lockbox, like, three times.
Oh, my gosh.
SNL is just running with it, the lockbox.
And no one quite understood what the lockbox was really about.
Is it a physical lockbox?
No, it's a virtual lockbox.
Yeah.
It always sounded a little bit too much like Forrest Gump to me too.
Imagine if Gore won.
Like just play this out.
9-11 still happens.
And instead of attacking Iraq, which made no fucking sense at all, right? Instead
of pretending that Iraq had anything to do with 9-11, which is the Bush excuse that they used,
if Gore was in there and said, you know what? In response to 9-11, we're going to go energy
independent. We're going to fuck the whole Middle East. We're going to get off oil. We're going to
change this whole thing. We're going to start selling technology so the rest of the planet gets off oil too that's what gore would have done
he would have changed the planet he would have devoted that trillion dollars to like solar power
or something and he i i really think that a lot of the same would have happened no like it wasn't
just bush at the time who was like leading the charge of we gotta invade Iraq like it was everyone
everyone had a flag out on their front porch
everyone was screaming about
they looked like they needed a good invasion
nobody has this hindsight
so to them if Gore just goes
well you know let's not
be hasty you know let's
really just let them
continue to do their thing like people would have been
severely upset.
Gore was on CNN doing interviews.
This is, like, in the build-up to the Iraq War.
And he's like, look, Afghanistan and the Taliban are hiding Osama bin Laden in there.
They're giving him refuge.
We're going to war with them.
But Iraq has nothing to do with it.
We have this national patriotism that we've never seen before in our lifetime.
We have an energy surrounding it.
You know, like Americans aren't really patriotic very often,
but suddenly everyone has American flags.
Everyone's rallying around like, yeah, we have a country too.
Like I had never in my life like seen that thing.
It's like we could take this national energy and push it towards energy independence this is what he's saying in the lead up to the Iraq war he's trying to pull the nation
back and go towards some sort of green energy thing which is like his baby right um so that's
what would have happened if Gore was president I believe it we would have attacked Afghanistan
just like Bush did but he would have stopped it. He would have gone with one war, which I think was maybe good enough.
And then
otherwise, he would have just defunded
Saudi Arabia by getting
off their oil.
That'd be pretty neat. It was just so
resoundingly
popular with everyone at the time,
though. Everyone wanted to
go to war at the time.
Yeah, we wanted revenge really bad.
Do you not think we could have steered that enthusiasm towards just one war?
Was it too much enthusiasm for one war?
I would have liked that better.
Why don't we, we could have went in there and take the Saudis out, take their oil, as Trump always wants us to do.
What does that even mean, though?
Do we actually, like, set up some refineries with American soldiers outside pumping oil?
Is that what you want? Put an American flag down?
This is ours now.
That would be great.
I hope
that that's the sort of diplomacy
that he's going to bring to the world.
It's funny. I have thoughts like that, too.
Not that particular one. But sometimes
I'm like, you know what? I hope the
Russians do get the rest of
Hillary's emails. I'd like to see them and no one else is hacking her. And then I think it through.
Like, wait a minute. You can't encourage the Russians to hack American secret emails,
classified shit, and release it and be like, thanks, Putin. I owe you one.
That's not what he said. He said that russians or anyone else have these emails they should turn them over to the fbi that's like saying if anyone knows where osama
bin laden is you need to turn him over to the fbi he's saying there's some information out there
that needs to be divulged if it's uh if it's readily available and it doesn't care where it
comes from and if it's what clinton says that it is you, just party invitations and her cosmopolitan monthly update,
then it shouldn't be a big deal that the Russians have it, right?
I mean, she says there's nothing hugely compromised.
She doesn't read Cosmo, man.
She probably reads some weird shit.
I bet she does read weird shit.
She just looks like someone who does weird stuff.
Humans and you.
Like, behind closed doors.
Not even in a sexy way.
Just like she's reading up
on some crazy alien.
She just looks kind of like...
What he said was,
Russia, if you're listening,
I hope you're able to find
the 30,000 emails that are missing.
I think you will probably be
rewarded mightily by our press.
Now that, you misquoted.
Dude, Kyle, that's fucking fucked.
Right?
That's not,
hey, if you happen to have them already then release them no little sarcastic
I hope you're able to find those that they have hacked them that see that's been there
They're take the whole time is that look she had this unsecured email server the Russians hacked into this thing
And then that goose of her guy he was he was saying yeah
Anyone could have hacked into this of course other government agencies would get in there,
and then of course they could hide their own footsteps.
I think he's been playing this narrative the whole time where it's like,
yeah, the Russians have her information.
I think a lot of people believe that.
What he said is, if you're able to find those 30,000 emails,
you'll be rewarded mightily.
Like that's essentially what he said.
He said by the press.
Like you can read it like that, or you can read it as the fact that
all the DNC leaks, everything that
leaks that reflects poorly on
the Dems is completely
ignored by every outlet aside
from Fox. And so he could be saying
yeah, I mean, I'm sure you'll be mightily
rewarded by the press when they once again
ignore every bit of it. Let me go for
a little run on this here.
So I heard Milo talking about death threats and stuff, right?
So Milo got Milo Yiannopoulos, something close to that.
He was picking on this star from Ghostbusters, right?
He said the movie was bad and then he teased her.
I didn't get the quote on the teasing,
but the people that follow him just went over the top,
death threats, crazy nonsense, etc.
He's not completely responsible for the things his followers do,
but they were following him and they ran right past him into crazy town.
So then Milo said this, and it sunk in with me.
He said, you know what, though?
She's in entertainment.
We all get death threats.
Fuck, I get death threats.
We all get mean comments on the internet and stuff.
But only one group, the left, makes a big deal out of it.
Only one group on the left says,
hey, people are talking rudely to me.
People are being mean to me.
People are giving me death threats.
I want you to protect me.
People on the right don't do that.
They never take their weakness and use it as leverage to get something to happen.
That's just not a thing that the right does.
The right does do this, though.
They complain about their coverage constantly.
They're always saying, you know what?
CNN didn't cover the emails.
Yes, they did.
The CNN's covering all kinds of crazy shit that Clinton's doing. Was it ABC or CBS that completely glossed over it in their Clinton interview the other night?
I'm not sure.
Their non-story was a story in and to itself.
They were like, why did they...
The Republicans are always running with this unfair press story, though.
That's something the Democrats never do.
It's true.
It's true from the lens that you look through.
It's absolutely true.
It's absolutely...
Like, look at every network out there.
Every single one that's not Fox leans left.
That's why Fox is the biggest,
because all the conservatives have to join together
and watch that shitty station
while people on the left can watch a number of shitty stations.
They split it up, right.
I hear you.
I don't know.
I just... Like, I've seen it before, where where they say you know cnn's burying this story and i'm like
huh and i go to their website and it's like the lead you know the the right will always say this
is being ignored but if you go look it's not it is in a lot of ways though and you also have the additional thing of of social media being
completely inculcated at least in censoring certain viewpoints to where they will totally
and shamelessly push a trending topic that they want to the top of facebook or the top of twitter
or just like yesterday or the other day on reddit uh donald trump did and asked me anything i didn't
read it or look through it or anything yet, but apparently it just got taken off
the front page.
Do you want the details behind that?
Apparently it got
downvoted, but
I don't know. That's what I read.
So here's the scoop
with that.
What was happening is the Donald
was being organized in a
way to take over the front page.
So they would like sticky posts.
They would like organize upvote parties.
So if people don't know Reddit, R all is like all the subreddits.
And if you dominate R all, you get a lot of attention.
So the Donald subreddit was like just in a way that videos or politics or funny.
Like Sanders for president did for the last eight months.
Okay.
If that's true, not nearly as effectively.
They didn't dominate the homepage.
The Donald would at times have seven of the top ten topics.
So what they did.
Because it's a much larger group of people.
They're a much more active group of people.
They shouldn't be punished because they're good at what they do let me explain what
the change was so what happened was they made it so that the algorithm had it less likely for a
single subreddit to have multiple posts on the front page so the donald was on the front page
like they had like the top post it's just page. They had the top post.
It's just that it wasn't the AMA because they were already dominant.
They already had their subreddit out there. There's some other hot thread or whatever.
That's absurd.
Because we all know that Reddit knew that Donald's coming to do this.
Clearly someone is – they've set up the rules in a way that keeps the Donald contained.
And one of the main ones that they complained about was that they were stickying posts. is they've set up the rules in a way that keeps the Donald contained.
One of the main ones that they complained about was that they were stickying posts.
Isn't that what subreddits
do when they want to promote a thing?
I know some subreddits don't
sticky every single day two or three things,
but now they've made it so that
only the mods can sticky something,
which really takes away from the whole
community aspect of what the subreddit's meant to be.
There's a fair argument that the Donald is censored
in a way that never happened to any other subreddit,
but also they had a front page dominance
that no one else had ever had.
No one else ever tried to organize front page dominance before,
so that's a thing.
I think the Sanders subreddit was very similar.
I had to slip out.
Colin hurt his thumb, and he's upset,
so let me...
All right.
I'll be right back.
Okay, we can carry on.
You got something to read, Kyle?
I do.
You do?
I can't wait.
I was looking for an ad read that would accompany child injury best.
You don't have any on deck there?
No Band-Aid companies for us to promote?
Put some mouthwash on it.
Yeah, pour that all over. You could put some of some mouthwash on it. Yeah, pour that all over.
You can put some of that mouthwash on it.
It is antibacterial.
It'll keep any sulfur from getting into the wound.
But first I'm going to tell you about Casper.
Casper mattresses are obsessively engineered American-made mattresses
at a shockingly fair price.
And now you can get $50 toward any mattress purchase
by going to casper.com slash pka and using opera code pka.
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Let's make sure you're doing it on a good mattress.
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So they've got just the right sink,
just the right bounce, no matter how you sleep.
They've got a risk-free trial and return policy.
They'll deliver it straight to your door.
You can try it for 100 days, and if you're not happy, they'll pick it right back up.
At the store, maybe you'll get a minute or two to try out a mattress.
It's one of those mattresses that everybody else has laid on, which is always grossing me out.
But with Casper, you'll get to keep it, and you'll get to sleep on it.
It's $500 for a twin-sized mattress, $950 for the king- size mattress, which is what I got. Comparing that to
industry averages, that's an outstanding price point. So get $50 off of any mattress purchase
by going to casper.com slash pka and using offer code pka. I'm not going to dwell on it too much
because you guys have all heard it before, but I really, really do like my Casper mattress.
For whatever reason, I had never upgraded to a King until I got this one.
And I just love how enormous
the bed is. I can get in and out of it
and if there's someone
in bed with me, I don't wake them up.
You remember those commercials where there's a wine glass
on the bed? Yeah.
It's like that, virtually. It really is
great.
I don't know. I don't think I have anything else to say about it.
I did that to my parents' bed
with a cup of milk when I was like
six or
seven, maybe. But they didn't
have that kind of mattress. They just had
a spring mattress.
It did move.
Oh, that's the worst.
Spilled milk is something to cry
about if it soaks in.
It smelled awful. Imagine the bacteria
that was alive inside that mattress.
Just growing on the
on all that lactate.
Curdling.
They're eating that curd
or whatever formed in there. There's like some
sour cream germs in there
amongst the springs.
And every time you lay on it
you're like squishing it and
opening it up to creatures of the night. And every time you like lay on it and like, you're like squishing it and like opening it up to like creatures of the
night.
Creatures of the night.
Yeah.
Maybe some serious cat problem.
Fruit flies start laying eggs in your mattress.
Next thing you know,
you got a maggot mattress.
They're just in there squirming around.
That doesn't happen with Casper.
That would never happen.
That would never happen.
I do have to divulge that I own 15% of Casper.
Oh, wow.
I'm kidding, obviously.
Jesus.
You'd be a very wealthy man.
I really do like those mattresses.
Check them out.
I guess we'll just stick one more of these ad reads in here.
I wonder what happened to Colin.
Yeah, I hope he's all right.
Maybe he was outside turning up.
Did you find any child injury
related sponsors in the last minute
or so? No, but while we're speaking
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They release a new design every month,
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The best part about it all is that we're offering 20% off your first order.
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They really are super high quality.
Are you wearing your MeUndies right now?
I'm not wearing underwear. Oh, I'm wearing my MeUndies
right now.
I don't wash mine as much
as you, so I don't get through the
cycle of underwear as much, but these
are bar none my favorite underwear now.
They're excellent.
The fabric you said, the fabric
sounded fancy. Is it
like a thin, soft type
of t-shirt-y?
It's soft and it's also stretchy.
So it feels as stretchy like real cotton
can be before you wash it, but even after you
wash it, it's still stretchy and it really conforms
to all the nooks and
crannies and supports things that
need to be supported and just makes everything
look good that's inside the underwear.
It keeps it under control.
I think Modal is made from
some sort of tree bark
extract or something or some product that
originates as tree bark, but yeah.
I like it a lot. Really good underwear.
You don't realize the sense of control
that you've lost when you
walk around for years in boxers.
You know, like Kramer talked
about in Seinfeld.
I'm out there, Jerry!
Love it, everybody!
But it's, you know, to get back to something
super comfortable and it's not super tight,
like it's still breathable, it's great.
I love these underwear. And they have them
for women as well, I believe you read. read damn i'm sold all how much are they you get an affordable price an affordable
and i get a discount with ek okay god so lucky let's see what i want to go to next um you better
hope woody doesn't see this e-cigs and cancer article from the verge let's just sweep that one
out of there let's sweep that because if he sees an e-cigs thing,
we're going to have to talk about it,
and I don't think anybody cares.
There will be an I told you so, the likes of which
you have not seen before.
Has he been saying that for a while?
Like, that can't be good for you.
I've never disputed it. I've never said, you know,
oh, this is good for me. Like, no.
Yeah.
But it's not as bad as cigarettes.
Yeah, I was going to say, I don't as bad as yeah i was gonna say i don't think
anyone legitimately thinks it's good i don't think inhaling anything into your lugs can't be good for
you but but it's better than the alternative that everyone was addicted to before i think so
someone here asked me um what i got some ama questions from this month uh this guy says kyle
uh i saw that you got a train to
go around your house for to train your pokemon go eggs what is the brand and model of the train
man i just got on uh amazon and searched toy train and i bought the one that's like 40 45 dollars
did that really work no and uh i was gonna say does it go fast enough i'm glad you brought that
up no it doesn't work so if you want to like work. So if you want to fake train your Pokemon,
the fan thing works if you've got a big bedroom.
You just tie a string to your fan blade,
put your phone in a plastic bag with a charger plugged into it,
log into the app, let it do circles around the room.
No way.
Are there people, like the cords swinging with it?
Yeah, there are some people who do that.
You're like an idiot walking around.
You would never do that, right?
Yeah, the worst part is like when I'm in bed and it's going woof, woof, woof, woof.
Oh my gosh.
Whenever I get ready, I'll see that like the battery's died and it's time to turn it off.
So I've got to time it just right and like barrel roll out of bed, crawl across the floor, flip the switch, and then catch it before it gets wrapped up in the blades.
So it's a little bit of an ordeal.
If you really want to know the best way I've found to hatch eggs,
I go to an outlet mall where, you know, the speed limit,
you drive around at like six, seven miles per hour,
and I just make laps around that thing endlessly because there's a Pokestop at one end,
and I just get my free shit, keep making laps, catching Pokemon,
and I just drive for half an hour and
you'll do 10k in no time in a car.
Dang. You've got it
down.
Yeah, I'm losing interest quick on Pokemon Go.
The fact that I can't find out
how fucking far any Pokemon is away
from me is upsetting.
And the fact that I haven't seen
there was between
the 17th of this month and yesterday,
I didn't see a brand new Pokemon at all.
Ten days.
I logged in every day.
I looked around for Pokemon.
I caught a fucking Mankey on the 17th,
and it was nothing until the 27th when I caught a Magmar
that just wandered into my home.
So Hope is into Pokemon Go.
While she was at that speech and debate camp, like everyone else was playing it, so she got into it.
It's good to know she was working hard while she was there.
Right?
So we were walking around Wake Forest today.
It's a potential college she's interested in.
And she's trying to get credit for all these kilometers that we're walking.
Didn't hatch one egg.
She said the server kept crashing.
I don't know, server app crashing or whatever the deal is.
Oh, I'd be mad.
Yeah, but all day long we were just touring a campus,
and she didn't get credit for the kilometers that she walked
because it wouldn't stay working.
Well, that's shitty.
Yeah, that's one of the things that turned me off
is every now and then you'll lose credit for some stuff you do or a pokemon you catch uh i i beat a gym until it
turned gray one time so now i can like put my shit in it now it's my it's virtually my gym i
just have to bloop bloop and now it's mine and that's when the servers went out so all i did was
like go in clear all the bad guys out, and then leave, essentially, for some random asshole to come along and be like,
yeah, I'll be the gym leader, sure.
It's like, did you ever play Skyrim, where you'd
go through a really difficult
dungeon, kill everything, and then
you forget the helm of
Pelennor or whatever on the back chair,
and then you leave, and you're like, fuck!
Then you have to go through the whole thing again.
That's what it's like.
I've done that many times. i got so much endless time in skyrim and uh and in those elder scroll games in
general and that that happens a lot yeah you'll like go you'll go through uh you'll do a dungeon
crawl and you'll forget that like the red sword of big pete is down there and then a year later
they tell you to go get the sword and it's it's just sitting there you never saw it ashley so you've been live streaming right yeah i think you said you like it
more so be honest is it is it the profit thing is that why it's better um you know for the last like
like three years that i've been doing it i i kept YouTube up consistently as well and I've always tried to make
sure that I don't have all of my eggs in one basket right because if that basket ain't there
no more then you're gonna have a bad time um but I've been able to keep them even but it can
fluctuate too you know how fluid it can be so it can be like you're killing it for like a couple
months or even like around November things Things are really going to kick up.
This is like the slow time of year.
So to be honest, like if I if money wasn't even something I thought about between the two, I would I guess I would pick streaming.
But it's so hard because YouTube's about creating and starting with a blank slate and then doing what you want.
Or even if it's just like a Call of Duty video or a vlog or whatever you're still creating something that you you know you had a vision for whereas streaming
is all about interaction and playing the game and making it centered around the game so they're kind
of really hard to compare but i have tried to do them both super consistently and grow them both
at the same time which i think like if i really focus like let's just say i just quit youtube and i focused really hard on streaming
i think i'd be more successful at it and vice versa if i just super focused on youtube and had
all day to create and stuff because streaming takes a long time right like you have to do it
consistently and for a very long time this is my cat simba by the way he's he's up from his nap
hey simba i have another cat by me too i promise i'm not a cat lady i only have two just a lady with cats
i love dogs too but i can't have dogs where i live right now but but yeah i i really like
streaming i like the interaction i like the community that you kind of build it's a little
bit different from youtube like especially it got to the point where youtube comments it was just
like gosh why bother reading them right
like it's just craziness
like no matter what you do you're never
correct or right and it's not
even about being right but it's just being criticized
almost constantly I mean there's good comments
too but and you even have trolls
in the stream too but
my when I stream
it's troll central it's
hard to stream you have to have some solid moderators who are
there with the little green sword time and amount you got to get night bought on some automatic
word recognition stuff i mean if you you can moderate the chat but it is hard you should
try streaming while you own a minecraft server like so oh gosh i don't know how well you know Minecraft, but factions in Minecraft is the most toxic community by far amongst Minecraft players.
Is that where the teams are versing each other type of deal?
It's like the PvP section, right?
It's PvP, but it's like six months long.
You build a base.
You straw your stuff in it.
You make these cannons that knock into other people's bases.
People in factions, this is my favorite way to describe it. It's's six months long they'll change the sound of tnt to sound like an
alarm clock so it wakes them up in the middle of the night when they're being attacked so they can
defend themselves they'll um they'll like i'll pretend to be your friend for six weeks to gain
your trust and get into your faction and then rob you blind and laugh at how stupid you were
for having trusted me at the first place. It's called inside raiding.
It's a thing.
That's just lying.
Yes.
Manipulating lying is the dirtiest, most awful thing.
The George Costanza way of Minecraft.
They take it out of the game.
They will dox you or they will threaten to dox you
unless you pay them off.
It gets super serious.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They'll send SWAT.
Dude, players on my server, you'd think sending the SWAT team would be like it, but they got
creative about it.
They sent a sailboat to someone's house.
They sent bouncy castles to people's house.
What?
They sent a crane, like a big construction crane to somebody's house.
Yeah.
I learned that you could rent bouncy castles because someone did that to someone.
And then we had a party one time and I was like bouncy castle
it up let's do it
for a few hundred dollars you can put on your
own private carnival in your backyard
it's absurd you can get jugglers
all kinds of crazy shit online
so these are the people watching me while I stream
and it's just so toxic
and so nasty
and like
nothing's perfect right like when you play COD you're always fussing about lag or this or that and it's just so toxic and so nasty. That's tough, yeah. Lucky Handler's direction.
So nothing's perfect, right?
Like when you play COD,
you're always fussing about lag or this or that.
Oh, sure.
Something's always pissing me off on quality.
Yeah, and WoodyCraft was no different.
So the players would just go ballistic
about like one problem that they had
even if it was days ago.
I'm sure they have the perfect way to fix it too.
They're telling you all about it.
Everyone has their own way. So streaming for me, go i'm sure they have the perfect way to fix it too and i'm telling you all about it everyone has
their their own way so streaming for me like it's been a long time since it was like a real fun
environment since the chat felt like my friends yeah i could see how that would be a little too
like i'm i feel like i'm really lucky i have a pretty good community it's it's kind of cool you
have like like regulars that are there like almost every day nearly religiously like it's kind of like dang like am i that cool i'm not that cool
right so uh you know having like regular people come all the time it makes it feel more familiar
even if you're just stopping by you're like oh this place seems kind of cool or whatever we try
to keep it chill chat but it is work to keep the chat you know moderated and i don't have like hundreds of
billions of viewers or whatever you know but but i get a decent amount sometimes and it's it's like
the trolls come in at that moment i i'm i laughed i wasn't laughing you i i've i've been looking
at how to rent a monkey for a party how much much is it? Well, I found this place
called Wild About Monkeys.
So I'm kind of looking into that right now.
Monkeys Gone Wild is a different site.
Oh, that's a very different site.
Yeah.
That one's upsetting.
Rent a monkey
for a party service monkey helpers.org it's not does that come with like the trainer
i don't want i want no supervision for my monkey i want a guy to show up he's just like who wants
the monkeys and like he just puts opens the cages he turns the monkeys over to us, maybe hands me a
leash or a rope, whatever, you know,
or maybe one of those long poles with a loop on the end
so you can keep them from
clawing at you or whatever
they do. I know they like to go for the
genitals. I learned that.
And it's a really smart way to fight if you think
about it, because most of the fights that, like,
lions and tigers and bears get into
with other lions and tigers and bears is about mating rights.'s like which caribou gets to mate with all the
caribou females in this herd so the monkeys and maybe just primates in general figured out that
hey if i just rip his balls off what's the what's he gonna do like now now i'm done i won it's over
now he can't fuck any of my my females so it's over so
you got to be careful around those monkeys so i think i want one of the little ones one of the
there's a group on here for 49 dollars for a week read below it's like you can't it's serious
rent a monkey for a week for 49 dollars in Chicago. It's a Groupon.
This is real, and it says in bold letters,
with today's Groupon only, criminal background check
and medical testing ban are waived.
So if you have a criminal record,
doesn't matter with this Groupon.
You can rent your monkey for $49 a week.
Monkeys, rapists, it's your lucky day.
Our monkeys will fit right in with your posse.
$49 the whole week
for seven people a day.
Take care of it.
Dog food and, you know,
goodwill.
I would give it to people, but in tiny little
portions, like,
that I would make look like his dinner, you know,
on like a saucer.. A little bit of steak
and then a little baby carrot
and a little tiny red potato.
Oh, it'd be adorable.
Are we talking about one of those little marmoset shoulder monkey fuckers
that throws her poop or whatever?
Organ grind monkey.
I'm going to be honest, though. I want a chimp.
I want a chimp at the party.
The bigger one?
Yeah, the big one that could kill you
if it got out of hand.
I'm going to tell you, I fully realize that those are the dangerous ones.
I'm going to wear a cup for sure.
We're going in.
We're not going in unprepared.
I'm going to put my pistol on my side.
You know, if things get out of hand, I'm just going to waste your monkey.
Like, you should know that going in.
And my level for when we move from, like, oh, that monkey's getting a little out of hand to bang, bang, bang, bang, bang is like that.
It's like that. It's like that. Your monkey could kind of
yawn too aggressively, and I'm going to take him out.
I don't want any monkey
rampages going on, but I would like to hang out with a monkey.
Yeah.
I would like a two-hour
thing, not a one-week thing.
Like one of those dolphin experiences.
Swimming with a monkey is a much more
horrifying thing.
Yeah, Taylor, what kind of monkey did you have?
They were very young chimps.
So they weren't like the level of chimp that it would tear your hands off or something.
But they were very little chimps, and it was only like a couple hours.
But you definitely want a whole day with them,
because I cannot tell you the dread and sadness you feel
when you realize you're in the last six minutes of monkey time.
You know?
When you realize that clock's winding down
and you just can't get enough of this monkey.
I didn't realize how sad your childhood was, Mirka.
I didn't realize the hardships that you endured.
You only had your monkeys for hours.
Did he smell bad?
I was very young, and I probably smelled just as bad as they did.
So I didn't notice at the time.
I'm going to be honest.
At the next PKA gathering or whatever,
or next gathering that I'm at at all,
we're going to have a monkey.
I'm totally down for that.
There will be a monkey there.
I'm not going on a 600-mile motorcycle ride.
I'm not going to go...
With a monkey on you, though.
Now, that's a good time to bring a monkey.
All goddamn day with a monkey.
Just as long as it's cool.
You know?
I don't want some sassy monkey that thinks he's too good to be there.
You don't want a nerdy monkey?
I'm sad.
Yeah, I don't want a show biz monkey they're spoiled that's well known
i saw a showbiz monkey uh when i was in la like i was walking to lunch and i looked next to me
and i'd been looking for the monkey all day and there it was just on the guy's shoulder i was like
oh you're the monkey guy and he goes yeah i'm the monkey guy i'm like can i can i shake his hand
he's like sure shake and the monkey shook my fucking hand
except it's a monkey so it grabbed my finger what it's little little hands yeah i i was like
i i reached up and he goes oh and he fucking shook my hand and i was just like oh shit and it was
just like and then they went and got some quesadillas or whatever so i didn't have any
more i'm not in a scene with the monkey or anything i I just got to look at it, but it was really cool.
I realize monkeys are novel and everything,
but these are the experiences that new
parents get as well.
Yeah, but none of the responsibility
or cost.
Imagine if this was something else.
You're like, no, for roughly
a quarter million dollars and a lifetime
commitment, you could have one of those
too, anytime you wanted. I'm like, yeah, I i know it'd be cheaper to buy a herd of monkeys though
right it was wrong with a monkey owner for less than it cost to raise one kid yeah with a kid
that's shit but like with a monkey the worst thing that can happen is that it goes awry
and i have to spend like 25 minutes with the garbage disposal. And then my life goes on.
Thank you for saying that because I was thinking it.
I was like, you know.
Last week, fucker escaped.
Oh, well, he is a monkey.
So you don't have to ask questions.
Never found again.
Just a big puddle of red mush.
I have a whole new topic.
Are we still on monkey talk
oh we can see if your next topic involved monkeys it does not put it would monkeys improve it
no is it the dc again it's what you got phantom lord so phantom lord is a huge twitch guy i think
he had like a million followers or something like that. Giant. CSGO person.
And it turned out he secretly
owned a
gambling site in the same...
It's like the same drama as the Syndicate T-Mart.
This is real familiar theme
with CSGO. But dude, this one's worse.
So what happened is all the Skype chats
got leaked. I don't know if it was a hacker
or what. And it is
confirmed that he cheated
in his gambling.
So not only did he own it and sort of
not admit that he owned the place, just
acted like a happy customer. Stack the
deck. Yeah, they would take
skins. I think what happens
is they win money via skins.
So they would just take those skins and use them
for gambling.
They would take the winnings that the site collected
and he would use them to run his streams with.
Yeah, it's all free money.
Well, I mean, it's money that could have been cashed in.
It's advertising expense.
Yeah, but he cheated to win the money from it.
No, that's true.
He's like, let me just go out and cheat these fans and subscribers
out of a little cash.
All right, now I can use this to gamble against my
subscribers come on everyone come on do your best even if he's losing is he even losing you know
because he's he's probably won way more than than he lost yeah right so i'm not an expert on how it
works playing under an assumed account cheating that way and making ten thousand dollars today
apparently like these websites are like provably honest in that the hashes are all determined what wins and what loses ahead of time.
It's not just done on the fly.
And because those hashes are done ahead of time, if you have access to the back end, you can know whether they're likely to win or lose.
Yeah.
Do you remember?
Because it was so similar with the online poker thing,
do you remember when it turned out that there were employees of those big online Texas Hold'em sites
that were cheating in a very similar manner and making off with hundreds of thousands of dollars?
I remember about that.
Yeah.
So this guy, unlike the syndicate T-Mart, Josh OG guy, his account's closed on Twitch now.
So PhantomLorb, I don't think, was big on YouTube.
Yeah, he got terms of service banned for life.
So another thing he did, apparently he was shady in everything he touched.
He would have fake subscribers and fake followers.
I think that's more the reason he got banned.
Yeah, right?
How much money do you think he was making's I think that's the reason he got banned yeah right like much money does what it looks like millions from twitch a day like like is
this because because I think that's what the listeners need to know because if
you're not like plugged into the the twitch users scene then you might be you
might be thinking oh well he can't share his online and spirit online experiences
anymore the way he wanted to how many thousands of dollars is he losing a day
I would be yeah I mean okay so he lost somewhere between two and ten thousand dollars a day right
like easily it's fair yeah that sounds I mean with donations and everything that he was probably
doing I mean he was I guess I didn't really watch his streams uh because i'm not super into like the gambling
stuff but um he was making it look like he had large sub trains to entice people to keep the
sub train going kind of gives that sense of urgency like oh i should subscribe to you know
everybody's doing it i should yeah if i ever if the community is so big it must be so awesome
so i'll join too yeah and everyone loves that too when it's actually legit like there are some crazy sub chains that happen on twitch and big streamers can can pull
them off like magnificently but yeah i just like my my opinion as a streamer and as i mean obviously
not like as big as him but how do you think that's not ever gonna get like found out early in youtube it used to be possible
to buy view bots and like bots and stuff i never touched that stuff um heck even before youtube
at cisco it like there's um expense reports and stuff you fill out i never tried to expense a
haircut i never lied about the tip right it'd be so easy to tip $2 and say you
tip $12 and then
turn in the customer side.
I forgot my T&E receipts
100% of the time anyway.
So it'd be like, well, fuck!
I guess I bought that. But I never
touched it. I'm like, the gravy train is my
job. I'm going to try to steal
$10 from Cisco and lose my
paycheck? Don't don't
even think about it and and with twitch and youtube it was the same thing like i never bought
it anything i never faked gameplays no one ever accused me of not going 25 and 5 like i accomplished
that on my own um but these guys you know that they they it, they fake it, and now he's done.
And it's another one, like I meant earlier in the show,
I was saying I was kind of envious of the position that a team artist syndicate had.
Dude, everything's at risk, right?
You don't know how big this fine is coming down.
There's a reality where syndicate goes to jail and his whole net worth goes below zero from this thing.
Do you think that's likely at all? I don't think it's that unlikely it's too hard to say i mean i don't have enough knowledge about it to know how that all works like so on the ftc thing i don't see it coming
down that hard you know i bet it's a pretty significant fine but you know like low five
digits or something these guys can write a check for and not notice but um on the
dude they really did run an illegal gambling site for children yeah like that's a thing they did
like if it's like 20 grand or something they can write without even thinking about it
like i assume they can do that given the amount of money they're making on that site
and granted i don't have the figures i'm just going by what i've heard like it needs i don't
want to see them destitute obviously like tmart's a good guy in his core i believe and I don't have the figures. I'm just going by what I've heard. Like, it needs, I don't want to see them destitute, obviously.
Like, T-Mart's a good guy in his core, I believe.
And I don't want to see that.
But it should be severe enough that, like, it's not just a,
ha-ha, got away with it.
I don't think this is, like, a situation where it's like,
oh, yeah, you screwed up, but, like, it's cool.
I think they kind of screwed up big.
And I, like like i like tom and
and trevor as people like because i guess i know them differently than most people you know or i
mean probably more trevor not so much tom me too but like yeah it's like i don't know all my
interactions took a huge risk they had to yeah well yeah same here i mean hug him when i see him and then you know whatever so
it's like i don't know they had to have known while while they were screwing up i think they
knew they were screwing up too they had to have yeah they wouldn't have made such a concerted
effort to to like make it seem like they stumbled upon it of of you know like wow this new uh
partner with of mine like they they could have
done it so much better just admitting their affiliation well and that's the smartest way
for them to do it though right because they're people are going to be less enticed to say
oh yeah check out this you know new gambling site that i have check it out guys whereas they
could make it look organic and which will in turn get more viewers i mean uh people on the site but yeah they kind of i don't
know i guess i mean i even disagree on that point that oh yeah i don't think they could have been
just as successful being like uh hey yeah you come gamble over here you get paired up against me or
tom bet whatever you want because you are winning like You're going to drive a ton of people who go
over there just for the off chance of, oh,
fuck, pair it up with Tom. I'm getting a
ton of shit. And everybody's all
on board. When you're that popular, you don't need to cheat
people. They're already begging
to be your friend. I would have named the thing
Cindy Mart. It seems like they wanted to ring out the last
drop of money.
I would have named it Cindy Mart.
You think Woody craft is just
coincidentally named after me like that that people would have been like this is syndicate
site this is the one that like has you know his integrity behind it like that that's how i would
have run it if it were my business they would have sponsored like you know streamers publicly
and been like hey we brought on this streamer because he likes gambling and this is where he's
gonna do it so that's even more benefits so i don't know there's definitely
different ways they could have done it but yeah we'll have to see how much real legal trouble
they're in because i think they're definitely in some i think so too but i'm not that qualified
phantom lord though he cheated his customers like he yeah really yeah that's it's a whole
different thing these guys failed to disclose and perhaps failed to enforce the age thing he did that but you add to it
you know legit like stack the talk to his dev about the back end hey give me something that
where i can you know pretend on the head or yeah sure win or he might intentionally lose a couple
then snipe a big one at the end uh yeah that was the
kind of stuff they did and um and like the dnc twitch didn't shut him down for doing that twitch
shut him down for the fake subs and stuff yeah i think that that fake like viewer and follower
and sub thing is a huge no-no on twitch it's like super enforced when you sign the contract so
it's like you kind of he knew he
was doing something really wrong and like even like he's so sick he was so successful at it
why don't you just kind of like stop doing that so now you've got such a big fan base anyway that
you don't need to sit there and do that i would think i don't know why you would why you would do
it in the first place and why you'd continue to do it for what seems like so long yeah just
you risk it all baby
you know and now we lost it and
who knows what's coming
I'm too paranoid man
if I did something like that I'd be constantly thinking
like okay they're gonna find out
someone's gonna find out
yeah
so I think we need to focus more
on chimpanzee rentals so i'm on that now
chimp rentals are they more expensive than the little dudes they must be right because
it's by a pound usually do you do you have to have a trainer with them i mean i'd be afraid
to be alone with oh yeah i definitely want a trainer or a big club in lieu of trainer.
You should write that in my email.
I should write an email to them
requesting the chip. I would like a trainer
or in lieu of trainer, a club.
I'd like a large kujo to handle
the beast if it gets out of hand.
Show it what for?
Are you sure? You just don't want
to send our expert with them? How much more is that? $8 an sure you just don't want to send our our expert with them how
much more is that eight dollars an hour no i don't think so like i can handle this ape on my own i've
watched a few youtube videos i know yeah have you heard like the 911 call when the the chimp ripped
the woman's girlfriend's face off and uh and she's already stabbed it a couple times and she's trying
to explain to this dumbass
911 operator it seems like they're all idiots like whenever you hear one of those you're like
come on what are you doing you're terrible at your job this is this is all you do all day is answer
emergency calls and you're not even good at that but she's just she couldn't comprehend what the
woman was saying she was like she was like we're police, but why? Why are we sending them?
They're like, because it ripped her face.
It killed her.
It killed her.
Who killed her?
Is she breathing?
Is she conscious?
No, she's not conscious.
Like, well, who did it?
She's like, I already stabbed it twice.
Come shoot it.
Bring guns. I need guns.
And they're like, why do you need guns?
Who killed him? It was Bubbles!
I've told you a hundred times!
It was Bubbles!
Who's Bubbles?
Bubbles is a 20-pound female chimpanzee!
That's what they needed from her,
because it wasn't until two or three minutes into this call
where she's finally like,
the chimpanzee! My chimpanzee!
And the 911 driver's like,
I don't really understand what you're saying. What do you mean, the chimpanzee! My chimpanzee! And the 911 operator's like, I don't really understand what you're saying. What do you mean?
My chimpanzee!
Like, she really couldn't get it.
I'm sorry, but if there's a man at your home
who's tearing people's hands off
willy-nilly, we're not, we don't have any
officers who want to come.
The 911 operator gets off with her, she calls dispatch.
Yeah, there's a black man in the neighborhood that they want shot,
I think. I'm not sure what she was getting at.
You know what to do.
They go out there, shoot the fucking neighbor.
Meanwhile, the chimp's still murdering this woman in the house.
Yeah.
They ripped her face off, though.
Wow.
And they gave her a new face.
Wait, she lived?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, unfortunately, she lived.
And they gave her what they...
Well, they called it a new face.
That's what they said they were doing.
You ever see the second
Hannibal Lecter movie?
Yes.
I think it's maybe Gary Oldman playing that
disturbingly mutilated
former child molester that Hannibal Lecter
had carved his own face off.
But that's what the woman's face looks like
in Caves to Curious. The replacement face. off but that's what the woman's face looks like in case you're
curious like the replacement face they should have took that fucking monkey's face and given
it to her at least that would have been better it was a nightmare dang honest like you were saying
not even joking like unfortunately she lived like it when you saw a minute it looks like one of those
uh no i'm agreeing with you like there are some grievous injuries that just ruin your life to the point that like her life is like like there's no way she's enjoying
your life now like you'd have to be a really upbeat motherfucker to be fine with no hands
like one foot uh just your whole face just gone like you're blind pretty much like this this
monkey these things are so strong just tears your like your... I would just be laying there like,
just kill me at this point.
Is my face gone? Oh, no, because I've never
looked myself in the face without a mirror,
and I see it right there on the grass.
There it is! Yeah, where are my
hands? Oh, near my face.
So sad, man.
It's one of those
worst stories. And still,
people out there have pet chimpanzees.
And I'm not positive about this, because I'm like three years removed from really following up on those news stories and stuff.
I think maybe it was because...
I think they were lesbians.
I think it was literally her girlfriend was the story.
But I think that the girlfriend was...
I think either the monkey thought that its owner was its mate
or i know that the monkey was on xanax i know that that was one of the things but i think that's a
common thing you give those monkeys xanax i don't yeah relax them or what chill them out yeah yeah
and then the other thing the other thing i think i read somewhere that maybe the other person was
on her period or something but who fucking knows what it's a monkey it's a monkey
we don't need to boil it down very far for you to understand how things got out of hand when you let
that creature from the jungle come into your suburban home and hang out with a human being
so did they like buy it or like yeah she owned the monkey it was her monkey yeah she like it
wasn't like she just got this monkey and then it went ape shit she had this thing for a long time that's where that phrase came from yeah the world had more
idiots i'd like to see people buy like baby hyponymous's and try to like cozy up to them
and like yeah no this hippo he's cool with the family like i loved him since he was
nine pounds and then suddenly the hippo is like 700 pounds
who would have thought
if you've ever watched the show
An Idiot Abroad it's got
Carl Pilkington in it he's like one of
Ricky Gervais' good buddies and
it's basically following him into weird
situations that he really doesn't like
and watch the hilarity it's a
fucking hilarious
show but one of the episodes he goes into this person's house and they have an indoor hippo
fully grown as a no way walks into the house and this hippo which is mind-blowingly big just
stomps in and just starts he feeds it it. And its mouth is so big, it's throwing like a couple heads of lettuce in at once.
Like you could just toss shit into there.
And the thing is, it gets a little bit upset for half a second,
and your home is ruined, and you're dead.
You shouldn't fuck with animals like that.
You ever leave the house, you come back, and the dog has torn the trash,
strewn it throughout the home, there's coffee grounds in the carpet and he's peed
on the floor. Imagine a hippopotamus
does that to your home.
Oh my gosh.
You're not getting your deposit back.
I don't understand why.
Who rents and owns a hippo bow, right?
What?
I happen to know that hippos
are incredibly expensive to get and
import. That guy in Texas has an interest in getting them,
and it's one of the drawbacks because he knows that Pablo Escobar
had pet hippos down in fucking Columbia.
And so he'd want some as well, but getting the habitat for them
and then getting them imported and purchasing them is outrageous.
Keeping up with the Escobars.
Yeah, keeping up with the Escobars.
That's what he's up to over there.
I know for a fact that the giraffes that he has
are a quarter of a million dollars each.
Sheesh.
I wouldn't pay...
You know, I'm not interested enough in a giraffe
to pay anything for it, I don't think.
I'd probably pay at least $15
to have someone come and remove a giraffe
from my place.
It's funny you mention that.
The best fucking part is,
you go to that place to hunt,
and giraffes are on the menu.
If you want to shoot a giraffe, you can fucking write a check.
I think it's a quarter of a million dollars,
and you can gun down a giraffe right there,
and they'll butcher it and make you some giraffe burgers, I guess.
You'd have to have some.
Imagine the wall mouth, though,
just that long neck snaking around your home
I would
just laying on the floor
the thing I don't like about
sport hunting
is that you don't eat it
and so you're not using it at all
but if there was a way where they got like a giraffe problem
and you pay a quarter million dollars
and you shoot it and the guy cleans it
or you clean it yourself
I bet that's a huge amount of guts to get through.
But I would do that just to try
it.
As long as you can eat it and use all the parts.
Well, that's what they do.
That's exactly what they do. You go there and you pay
like a... This is starting to sound like an ad for
Brent's Hunting Ranch. But what you do
is you go there and you pay a fee.
You're like, oh, I want to shoot a cape buffalo
or a zebra or a red
pronged asshole or whatever deer you want to kill he's got dozens of species and each one has a
price and the price there's like three categories you want the like bullshit hunt where you just go
out there and sit or do you want to like a guy that takes you around and drives you on an expedition
or whatever you want you pay that price you go kill the animal and then they butcher it put its head then you know mount it and everything and you get all the meat and
everything it's like one-stop shop are you a hunter at all midnight i'm not i i i haven't
before i think well one time when i was like 12 i went hunting no way oh i killed a squirrel with
a bb gun does that count? I felt really bad.
The guilt was too much.
I have a lot of hunters in my family.
Was it a healthy squirrel?
Did you just kill it for sport?
Yeah, it was up in my tree in my backyard.
I'm pumping up the BB gun on my head.
Yeah, I remember that.
My dad was like,
you can shoot the squirrels because you know they're
eating the bird seeds so show them who's boss i'm like yeah i will for sure dad so i'm like i aim up
at it and i did not think i was gonna hit it for some reason when i pulled the trigger i was like
i don't think i'm gonna hit him right and then i shot it i hear that and then i see him fall out
of the tree and then i'm'm like, okay, cool.
And so then I come out on my porch a little more and I look over because I'm like up on the deck, right?
And so then the squirrel is like, I don't know, freaking the frick out on the ground.
Like I shot him in the neck.
And so he's like, oh, my God, you know, freaking out.
I'm like, oh, my God.
Pumping this shit up again.
Yeah.
I'm like pumping it up 10 pumps.
And I'm like, okay.
And then I...
For real, that's what I thought too.
So I chambered the little BB,
and so I'm like, gonna try to hit him again.
Miss.
I gotta kill him, I gotta...
I was like, I have to do this.
I thought I was gonna get in trouble, because I didn't
kill him right away. I felt so bad.
So I'm pumping it up, pumping it up, to rechamber
the little BB, and then I shoot him again,
and that's when I hit him, like, more in the
ribs.
And then I hit me, and that's just the movie.
And that's when I was like,
why?
And that's when he started screaming.
I know. I felt so
bad. So I went down to see him.
He was dead. He was like, peace.
And I was like, oh my gosh. So I didn't know. He was like peace. I'm like, oh my gosh
So I I didn't know what to do though
I was like my mom's gonna kill me because I've murdered this thing and so I got a shovel and
Simba check it out
so I got a shovel and I scoop him up and I walk him back to our fences and I just
Throw him over the fence and I forget all about him. I was like I felt so bad
I think that might be why though. I felt so bad. I think that might be why, though.
I felt so bad. I still feel bad about it
to this day.
I thought you were going to bury him.
I got the shovel, a great little base,
a little tube. No, no, no.
Put him in the neighbor's yard.
We're all good.
Some little animals aren't nearly as easy to kill
as you would think.
I was out shooting once in Idaho and and there was, like, a shitty varmint bird,
and I shot it with a shotgun, and it, like, wounded it,
and it was, you know, twitching around, and I had a, you know, little pistol.
And so I just went over and shot it again and, like, started to walk away,
and I just heard, like, a...
And I was like, oh shit, this is a
9mm gun.
This should be taken care of this.
I went over and went
and I turned around and I got about 10 feet away and I heard a
as it was flipping around and I was honestly
like, there's no way. Getting down
like, yeah, it got hit.
Yeah, it's hit twice.
It was dead by the time i confirmed
that but it was it was more than you can my experience things can take so mine was i've
told this before mine was already like dying the dog had carried it in its mouth i don't know if
had a heart attack or what the scoop was but it was a mercy killing on a squirrel that was just
in the like in the mulch under our swing set for a while and uh for whatever reason like i'm not like a
money shot with a pistol or anything i consider myself a normal shot and uh change shot yeah a
change shot i was gonna say less than money but you're good okay anyway oh change shot i followed
him anyway from like 10 feet away or so i just lined it up and i wasn't even sure i hit it like
it wasn't like it blew up or exploded or anything,
nine millimeter.
And I had to look closely and there was a second hole by its ear.
Like I brained it.
And it just,
I guess,
I don't know.
I was the super me for one moment.
Yeah.
Squirrel killers are some of the hardiest folk I've ever killed.
It's so weird to me that like,
I get,
it makes sense.
Like,
I guess not growing up hunting though.
I don't guess I would have killed as many critters if i weren't like growing up always hunting and because like
one of the things that we would do is like or maybe it was just i i don't really know what
other hunters do right i just know what we did and what like the hunters that i went out with
did but like we would always make sure that like if we're going fox hunting we do it in a way and
such it's still legal and we're still following all the correct rules to shoot a coyote if we see one or to shoot you know three
or four or five other things so if we're dove hunting there's three or four birds
I'm gonna shoot I shot a banded pigeon one time a fucking banded pigeon while
we were dove hunting that rare I don't know yeah I banded me not all and fucking
band on its foot with a fucking serial number that goes to like the Pigeon Institute of Atlanta because they're tracking this bitch across the country as it flies around.
And it didn't make it out of that cornfield.
And I'm just like, I thought it was a king dove.
I was like, I got the big one.
It's this fucking, it's huge.
And I'm just like, well, what do I do with it?
And everybody's like, throw it in the bushes.
I was like, all right. it's huge and i'm just like well what do i do it and everybody's like throw it in the bushes i felt a little bit bad about that but mostly because i had broken the law i think i didn't
mean to shoot it i mean i meant to shoot it i thought it was the biggest dove i'd ever seen
though i didn't know he needed to go that dove's got a white head it's bald you know but yeah a
lot of the times when we would go hunting like like during archery season, you know, I would bring field points along with my broadhead so that if I saw some fox squirrels or, you know, a varmint or something, I'd fucking shoot them too.
I'm always ready to shoot anything that comes along.
So by hunting like that, I killed like dozens of different kinds of things, like all the like things I can think of.
Really, I think I've shot at one time or another.
I need to shoot a skunk.
Let me tell you this I got a story so the other night. I'm on I'm in bed on my laptop and
I type I type to to Chiz. I'm like skunk
Skunk I smell skunk. I smell skunk because I can smell it just I can smell it and I'm just like
Skunk skunk and my's operating like, what's happened? I'm like, oh, God, Kitty's fucking dog has messed with a skunk.
And I hear Kitty coming toward my door.
And I start yelling before she even gets to my door.
I go, no, no, I don't want to be involved.
I don't want to be involved.
And she goes, oh, please, please, more pizza and British bullshit.
And I'm just like, I go, what?
And she opens my fucking bedroom door and in runs her fucking dog sprayed by the skunk up into my bed with me to hang out.
And I'm just like, why?
Why have you done?
She's like, she's foaming at the mouth.
And I'm like, no shit. She got sprayed by a skunk. And She's like, she's foaming at the mouth. And I'm like, no shit.
She got sprayed by a skunk.
And she's like, a what?
I'm a skunk.
I don't know what that is.
She didn't know what a fucking skunk was
because they don't have fucking skunks
on that stupid fucking island she's from.
How do you not know what that is?
She's been living here for like a
decade or something.
And I've never associated
that smell with that
black and white striped
weasel that sprays
everything and ruins it.
Ruined the night.
All night. We're burning pounds
of incense, spraying Lysol
and Febrezeze vacuuming, washing
and the dog must have
gotten a dozen baths. I'm never gonna
appreciate that. I'm mad at that dog
and I will never get over it. That dog will be dead
and I'll be like, Muppet.
Muppet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, letting a dog in
that just got sprayed by a skunk
that's like borderline house ruining. Yeah smells in there for a while how long was it smelling
kitty should have known better like like kitty's smart in a lot of ways but you know what it was
but i can't fathom bad yeah like if if i was on some alien planet and my buddy was like sprayed
with something that smelled bad
like I would recognize like oh look what happened
here like you know
would you tell him to quickly march into
the house and touch things
no you'd be like stand out here
you better hop on my bed
it was awful
I can't understand how that happened but it happened
and it was awful and it's
only now like I went to the gas station
I'm getting the fuck out of here.
Like, I left the house, and I'm
at the gas station standing in line, and I'm like,
God
damn it! I sound
like a skunk in fucking
Wilco gas station
shit!
I was so mad, and there was nothing
to do about it, because I can't yell at Kitty
anymore. She's fucking washing the dog
with a big jug of tomato sauce.
She feels bad enough. Can't yell at the dog
because it's a stupid fucking dog and I can't
find the skunk.
Yeah, I can't believe she didn't
know what a skunk was.
It's in cartoons.
Oh, we watched Bambi right afterwards.
Pepe Le Pew once.
Just an annoying mouse? What did she think? We afterwards. Pepe Le Pew once. Just an annoying mouse?
What did she think?
We talked about Pepe Le Pew.
We talked about Bambi.
Apparently she's not familiar.
Wow.
Ridiculous.
She learned.
She knows exactly what it smells like.
And I gotta say, the smell of skunk when it's in your face
is a lot different than when you drive by it on the road.
Oh yeah. It made your eyes water. by it on the road. Oh, yeah.
It made your eyes water.
It was noxious. It was awful.
Yep.
Yeah, I'm trying to deal with the skunk.
Thank God.
But if I did, I wouldn't sprint into the house
and roll around on things.
Good. Good. Don't ever do that.
No, I hate that.
I don't know what she...
She must have thought you
would know what you did yeah of course like i knew i knew like 30 seconds into the future what
had happened like i was just like oh no like don't come in like yeah i i in my head i was like
there's there's no fathomable way that she would allow that sprayed dog into my bedroom,
knowing that the first thing that fucker likes to do is jump on my bed anyway.
And I don't even like that dog in my bed when it's clean.
Stay the fuck off my bed. That's my Casper mattress.
At least when it jumped up there, you didn't bounce around, you know?
No, I was able to barrel roll out of bed and fucking scream at the dog
and it got the hell out of there.
And that was that.
I have an AMA question.
This is a good break?
Yeah.
All right.
Had sex with a hooker.
Okay, guys.
So recently I got out of a long-term relationship
and I met with someone new.
We hit it off quickly
and one thing led to another
and we ended up having sex.
It wasn't until later she revealed to me
that she had previously gotten paid for sex
via Craigslist. It creeped me off
and was a total turn off for me.
Anyway, she's pretty hot, and she's really cool.
I would never guess she fucks for money.
I'm sorry, you would never guess she fucks for money
if you met her. My question is,
should I continue to hook up with her, or just
cut it off before I end up dating an
ex-call girl?
Any help would be great.
Long-term fan of the show.
Keep up the great work.
So I just want to stress, I'm pretty sure she's an ex-call girl, but he does mix up the tense and say she presently fucks for money.
But I think it's ex.
Yeah.
I mean, the fact she told him after was kind of weird.
Do you think that's kind of like an upfront, let's just get this deal breaker out of the way so we both are on the same page type of thing if she tells you afterward
it's almost like she's saying like you know you have sex for money like that's
a weird little past that it's a weird thing to bring up Wow so what do you do
like I wouldn't have buried it forever if I was
her, but maybe that is the smarter move.
I would have. I mean, definitely don't
pursue anything with this girl. He's going to see her on those bus
benches eventually.
Her friends are going to mention it.
If he's going to be in her life, it might
come out, assuming her will.
Who's got friends through this?
I can just see that conversation in the living room where
one of her friends goes, yeah, remember the time you sucked all that dick for money?
That was a laugh, like right in front of your boyfriend.
Really?
I don't understand why she'd...
No, that would never come out.
No woman is that stupid.
I can't imagine anyone ever saying anything about that.
If they wanted to be mean.
Yeah, those aren't your friends, though.
That's the risk of someone who you've confided in coming and ruining your relationship.
I guess that's...
Friends become ex-friends.
Do you want to continue a relationship, dude, where you had sex immediately after?
She's like, well, I used to be...
Some might call it a prostitute.
I'd prefer an encouraged sexual companion.
Like, no, you can't continue this.
No.
Yeah, I think you're going to call it a deal breaker.
Yeah, I wouldn't be so mad that that was happening, I guess,
that she did that because whatever.
Everyone has their thing, I guess.
But, yeah, it feels disrespectful to not tell you before.
Or at least because it's a pretty big bombshell.
Yeah, so first of all, she told you.
I don't know why she told you.
You weren't very clear about that, so I guess I'll give you a couple of ideas here.
If she told you because you somehow found out and drug it out of her,
that's very different than if she just said,
hey, sit down, I need to tell you something.
That sounds like she's confiding in you and letting you know that she's turning over a new leaf.
And if you see a picture of her in a bikini
on top of a cab riding down the strip,
don't worry about that.
That's just an old model.
I'm not doing that anymore.
That's not me.
It could be that.
Yeah, that's not me.
That could be something like that.
But I think I wouldn't care that she had gotten paid
to have sex because like
it's probably not that uncommon in the in the long run um if you're a woman who's maybe 30
years old at some point in your life you've probably been paid in one way or another to do
something sexual somehow some way um not saying you stood on a street corner but you don't have
to to to to meet that classification.
I don't really care.
And hell, have you ever heard of the whole dating situation?
Like that's basically, you don't even have to go to that.
I don't think I have.
Well, you know, I come and I pick you up at your house
and you get in my car and then I drive you somewhere
and I pay for some food for you.
And then I drive you somewhere else
and I pay for some entertainment for you. And then I drive you back to your home and perhaps you have
sex with me. I actually have heard of that. My mistake. Yeah, dating. And look, I got nothing
against the dating system. I like the way it's set up. I don't want my date to pay for anything.
Hey, I'm taking you out. that's what we're doing that's
what my idea of a date is and as long as that's still your idea of what a good date is we'll keep
it up yeah i don't like it when the woman wants to pay yeah i don't like it when the like it's
like watching the office if i don't like it sometimes when the woman wants to pay because
it's like you know no no no like this is what I'm bringing to the table here.
Like, you're not...
Is this a hypothetical?
No, I'm just saying that, like, if you're going out with a girl for the first time and she's like, oh, we'll split it or I'll buy it or we'll split everything.
I understand that it's meant to be nice, but I also, it's almost like undercutting as a guy where it's like, well, no, I want to, like, do this for you and do the nice thing nice thing and like have it be a night where i took you out and you didn't have to worry about oh i guess
i'm not getting two sides like you just order what you want you have a good time like i don't know
i guess that's technically old-fashioned but i think there's a reason for that i feel the exact
same way you know when when someone offers there's a brief moment and it's just like sort of a gut
reaction of like oh what the fuck are you thinking?
Are we on like a pal date right now?
Because I'll fucking leave you here right now
if that's what this is.
If you're like in a relationship
with them though and it's like
a long time, like me and my girlfriend
when we go out and she's like
I got it this time. It's like aww
that's really sweet of you
I appreciate that a lot.
So it's very different than, like, a first couple dates.
My dates are so long ago.
I'm sorry, Ashley.
Do you want to go?
No, you go ahead.
Are so long ago that there was just an understanding that I'm broke.
Broke, broke, right?
Like, if she orders more than the grilled cheese, I'm getting water.
Because I don't have enough.
You can't just choose anything from the menu.
What the fuck?
I clean hotel rooms at night.
Surf and turf.
I was looking more at the appetizer section or maybe the sides.
I don't know.
Three sides.
Just a little sample.
Right, right.
Or breadsticks.
If I take a girl out and she's like, you know, just some breadsticks and grilled cheese.
I'm like, yeah, well, I can see doing two dates with her.
Breadstick bonanza.
That's it.
Yeah, you're going to want to go to Olive Garden in the afternoon.
That's the way to handle that.
Dude, if you look at that nutritional information on that Olive Garden salad, don't think for a second
that you are eating healthy
by eating that salad. Especially not when I get
them to put all of that cheese on
there. A whole wheel of cheese.
Are you done, sir? Is it over yet?
Nah. Keep on coming.
Sometimes I just think it's funny to see
how much they'll put on there before they really start going
Really?
Sometimes there'll be so much cheese on there do you like ask them as a joke like hey it's two right and they go of course sir and then you just
make them do it for like three minutes and just crank them to mess with a date before it was kind
of a joke for that for that for my date as well i was just like i really like a lot of cheese just
keep it coming and then i didn't say anything until she really was like sir you you really want more cheese like she was gonna have to go get some more i was like no
that's funny that's funny and we we threw away so much cheese i felt a little bad you
so what do we decide with this hooker oh yeah okay yeah i guess i was still giving my thing um i my
my thought process is that essentially the normal human dating process
that every gentleman, lad, and lady is part of is essentially prostitution.
It sounds like she was like a call girl or something,
or maybe like answering to an ad online or something.
Like a back page type of thing.
Well, he described her as a call girl.
Yeah, that to me is like a mid-tier prostitute.
Like, you're not, you know, the street corner prostitute is much worse thing to become
because that sort of insinuates that you're a professional prostitute,
that you're not going to school in your spare time, you're doing heroin.
You know what I mean?
That's the difference.
Yeah.
So, like, honestly, if you like this girl, I think that you should just date her
and just not worry about the fact that she used to be a call girl.
It sounds like she probably went on a dozen dates or something, and that's in her past, and she likes you enough to tell you about it.
So you should keep that in mind.
That's what you should take from this, is that she cares enough about you, and she trusts you enough to give you that information um without being uh forced into it
or goaded into it or anything like that i guess but she should have maybe told you before though
how long have they known each other maybe i didn't catch that yeah it kind of depends too
it's all situational like if you didn't maybe asking her like so like for why why'd you do
that though or like i don't know just kind of maybe some more
backstory into it or maybe
she just saw it as like a
fun and easy way to make money.
Well the PlayStation 4 was coming out
and look.
She got bills to pay.
Well this guy lived at a Pokestop and he wouldn't let me
sleep over unless I banged him.
Oh I understand.
So he paid me in Poki. Makes sense. let me sleep over unless I banged him. Oh, I understand. Okay.
Makes sense.
Yeah, I'm on the same page as Ashley.
What if you became a deacon at a church to get in the front?
Yeah. I would have liked to know
before the intercourse.
Yeah.
Because then it's like,
it's too late now.
Maybe you would have been more concerned about the STD
aspect of it.
Well, yeah, or even just, like, why, you know,
or what was going on in the life at that time.
Because, obviously, it kind of sounds like she did want to tell him.
She just maybe didn't know how.
Yeah.
I say if you can stomach it, you should definitely go forward with this
because she sounds like she cares a lot about you
because she told you this stuff. And it doesn't seem like a very big deal to me because
it doesn't sound like she's working on like a uh i'm trying to think of a polite word for whorehouse
but brothel brothel yeah it doesn't sound like that was the situation or anything um it sounds
like she was a call girl which well she literally said it like you said it doesn't bother me she was
telling you just because she knew
that big tony was going to show up at your door later in the day and yeah it'd be a surprise when
big tony needed his money now if you're gonna have to fend off a pimp or any johns then you
want to pull the plug on me maybe that should be question number one like is anybody coming to get
you like is this is this all gonna end like that scene in taxi
driver where i'm laying in a hallway soaked in blood like is that's what's coming i don't want
this like i you need to find that out now yeah taxi driver's so fucking good taxi driver just
taxi it's taxi driver he pulls out that fucking 44 magnum
and shoots a guy in the hand and his whole
fucking hand just explodes
it's Joneiro right
yeah
that's what I was thinking of
that mohawk
that's a great movie
Travis Bickle I think his name was
and so relevant to this guy's question
definitely you don't want to be Travis Bickle do you so his name was. And so relevant to this guy's question. Definitely. You don't want to be Travis Bickle, do you?
No, no.
So we got any more AMAs?
Sure. This one's kind of...
We'll see. What has been the best
year of your life, and what has been the worst?
And he says years 1 through 9 don't count.
You have to be older than that.
I really
hated the 9th grade of high school. I hated that so much I felt like I I just hated it
I really did I didn't want to be there I didn't enjoy there would be like one class a day that
I would enjoy and you'd be looking forward to that and then that class would go bad and you're
like well it's all downhill from here that was the highlight of my day right there you know
tripping and fucking weightlifting twisting my ankle now i'm gonna limp through torture the rest of the day
you know it was um so i really just fucking hated that i i can still remember how awful that was and
how like going to school in the mornings was just like it felt like you were just being transported
to like like a like a prisoner or like a like an animal or something like a prisoner or like an animal
or something like that. It's like I have
no input on my future. I feel like
I'm just being transported
over here so that some
bullshit will happen and then they're going to put me back
in my other box tonight and it just felt
so awful. I hated it. I hated
ninth grade.
I don't know what's the best year
and like what are you gonna do like a 365
uh day period or like 1999 i'm having a hard time just like any age yeah i'm trying to think of like
a little group of years almost there was probably a summer in like 2011 where like i went on a lot
of cool trips and did a lot of cool stuff and um and i don't know bang two girls in the lake or
something you know and did you know had a good time so like i don't know that year was pretty
fucking good my worst year had to be the year colin got diagnosed so my son's autistic if people
don't know or whatever speech apraxia dyspraxia a bunch of other things Tourette's he's got
challenges and um so he was like 18 months old when he got diagnosed.
So it was pretty easy to be like, all right, I see he's delayed, but, you know, I just,
I don't see it. You know, I think they're wrong. And did you kind of think you would develop out
of it almost? Well, yeah. And, you know, there were, there are some professionals who would say
like, we have no idea where this is going. He's 18 months old.
You can't tell.
And there were others who were like, by the time he's in third grade, you won't even know he was a late starter.
And that turned out not to be true.
So just because we start sending them to therapy like six times a week.
I remember we spent $47,000 one year in medical expenses.
Like that was a hardship.
So that like,
we just started attacking the whole house,
like converted into like an elementary school with like alphabet on the wall
and learning materials everywhere.
And it was just like a,
a slow acceptance.
And that was a really tough time.
Uh, that was probably the worst year of my life.
That's a toughie.
Um, as for best year, I don't know, like to come to mind, like my senior year in high
school was pretty good.
Uh, on the show, if you guys, if people don't watch all the episodes, we joke a lot about
how I was late to puberty, you know, and like, I'm like, I broke 100 pounds as a sophomore, like it was just it sucked. Everybody could beat me up. By the time
I was a senior that kind of cured, like all of a sudden, I'm six foot tall. And I was on the swim
team. My girlfriend was really pretty. She was one of the hottest girls in the school. And I don't
know, like I had just never experienced much
success before. Uh, that was the, I think, yeah, it was after that year that I became a lifeguard
on the beach. And that was like a, it's hard to explain to like people who didn't grow up on the
beach, like what an accomplishment that is. Like it's the best job that you can get. And, um, uh,
so that was pretty cool. And then also, um, I want to say like one of my YouTube years might
have been the best ever to like, there was was this this period where like my youtube channel is exploding i'm doing well at
work but i almost don't have to give a fuck about work right so suddenly like all the pressures and
stress that come with work are like you know other people are getting laid off like it was like you
know during the like post 9-11 stuff and And I'm like, come at me, bitch.
Come at me.
You're all stressed here.
You can lay me off.
I'll take the severance package.
So that was a pretty good year, too.
There was a lot of professional success around then.
So those are probably best and worst years.
Those are good ones.
Cool.
Ashley, do you want to be the buffer zone?
Yeah, I will, for sure.
I'd say my worst year, I'll just get the worst out of the way,
was seventh grade, so I guess I'd make me 12.
Parents sat me down.
They're getting divorced.
A bunch of crazy stuff happens after that.
It's basically my mom has to get her own place and
support us and herself and same thing with my dad and then they both don't know how to deal with
that appropriately so i'm just like me neither i don't either dad or mom so i hated school i didn't
have that many friends i wasn't confident in myself i didn't really find like true confidence
until like high school probably where i really was felt like okay yeah this is who i am and i'm comfortable with that and all that
um so yeah that year kind of just sucked i hated every day i nothing really positive was happening
i just played a lot of video games listened to a lot of music um but best years i'm i'm struggling
to find just one because i've been pretty happy lately and I also had a really I
want to okay this this will count I have a year in a summer summer of 2006 was awesome because I
was in high school no really worries I mean I had a job but I worked at the mall whatever you know
go I would go there for four hours after school but I I had good friends I was experiential and
experiencing like so much stuff for the first time as you do like
I was just it was just really awesome it was a super cool summer almost worry-free
and I think like while it was happening I really realized how awesome it was
and then more recently I'd probably have to say not to completely just hijack Woody's answer but
something to do with the success that I'm having and something that I really like because I feel like I have a little bit of an advantage or I guess a luxury to
do something that I really like every single day and you know one year I think I flew like
I want to say I flew like 16 times or something like that going to all these different trips and
places for gaming and going to events and just like meeting new people and really just kind of keep keeping going with
something i really like doing so i'd say that was when i was probably really happy also pretty happy
right now too so that's where i'm at yeah definitely like that year and then that summer
in high school was awesome i'd have to say worst to kind of piggyback off the the trend was eighth grade
because i i'm convinced most eighth graders really hate themselves and you it sucks and you're just
so uncomfortable and i was like like i just i hated it i hated that age i don't know what year
that was like 2003 maybe 2004 i don't know um i picture taylor in
eighth grade with like muscles a full beard like none of the problems that i had you know
set of problems that year because i was the guy you were mr didn't start puberty i was mr
like boom puberty really hit like a fucking train that summer between seventh grade and eighth grade like it
was it was it was creeping around seventh grade and then just i came back from break i still
remember walking up to people like first day of eighth grade and like just noticing like wow i'm
everybody's really short now like i am huge and like i walked over and like spoke i guess in the
voice i have now and they're oh, someone's voice changed.
And you're growing a beard?
And I was like, no.
No.
I don't shave yet.
Because the only person who shaved got made fun of.
So yeah, I hated eighth grade.
That was horrible.
Best year, I'm almost, I mean, I think I'm at the point in my life where it should continue to be trending up.
So I feel like every next year is better than the one before in a lot of ways.
You know, things change and you have more responsibility.
If I had to, like, not use that cop-out answer,
probably maybe my senior year of junior or senior year of college.
I had a ton of fun.
So it would be one of those years as far as the best
just because socially it was a ton of fun going out all the be one of those years as far as the best just because
socially it was a ton of fun going out all the time being at a large school where there's tons
of shit to do um yeah that would be that so that was the best and the worst eighth grade no but
leave a comment if you enjoy eighth grade or if you're in eighth grade now and you're having fun
because there's no way that you do no way no yeah you'll see unless you're way more
mature and like comfortable with yourself than i was but like all that i thought about walking
around in eighth grade is like god you look so awkward everybody's looking at you and it's like
i can't even relate it's like like you say awkward um it's like man you're so strong and you're so
tall and and you embody all the things that are masculine and
man-like. The horror.
You're not conforming.
That's the problem, though. None of that matters.
You've turned into this freak
over there.
You're not conforming with the rest of the people.
You're the best athlete in the school, though.
We don't give a shit about that.
You freak with your acne and your dirty
fucking back hair. get out of here
the rest of us boys and girls don't belong around people like you that's how it would go
i i guess if you're teen wolf but like otherwise
i don't know it's just our problems are not separate but equal
totally fair i would much rather be the guy who hit puberty early, like I did,
than be the guy who hit it really late and has to deal with, like,
shattering all the other guys while they're still not going through puberty.
That would suck.
Yeah.
I didn't have to deal with that problem.
Yeah, you'd rather be first than last, for sure.
Yeah, that makes sense.
But not too first than last for sure. Yeah, that makes sense, but not to first not not first
You don't start yet. You don't be like Lindsay with the fucking fifth grade. She had like huge jugs. It's like
That was so confusing as a kid to like I remember there's one girl in my eighth grade or ninth grade class
Who's like her boobs were just so big it was bananas.
Like, it was like, how are you our age?
And seeing that and kind of realizing, like, oh, man, it's about to get a lot more fun going to school with a lot of these girls.
Like, this is, we're entering the fun time now.
But anyway, yeah, middle school sucked.
Not fun.
All right.
Let me slip in an ad here about CISO.
Middle school sucked.
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Oh, we lose Taylor in the interim?
Yeah. It looked like you went AFK quick then and then maybe you think cut off and I tripped over the ethernet cord as he
went out the door yeah could be see here do we have any more AMA questions that
uh do the one that I that I wanted to do most, I want Taylor back for. Okay.
Here's a guy who asked me a question.
Hey, Woody, fellow collegiate swimmer here.
With the Rio Olympics right around the corner,
I have to ask if you've been following the swimming world as they've gone through the process of selecting the 2016 team.
If so, are there any swimmers you're following and are eager to see compete?
So I followed collegiate nationals on a really, like,
I was really interested in those.
And the times for, like, the sprint free, like, oh, my God.
Like, were they running 19s or something?
Like, the times were just times that don't happen.
It didn't happen 20 years ago.
So that blew me away.
And then I learned that, like, oh, these collegiate guys I'm watching
in the 25 yard pools are
not even the top guys.
Like the back in the day after you graduated college, it was pretty hard to keep being
a swimmer.
But now if you're a top swimmer, you know, you can be a multimillionaire and, you know,
just do it every two or four years.
So the guys I'm watching and can hardly fathom their speed are not even the top guys anymore.
But the coverage I found
like on Yahoo and stuff just seemed to cover
like Phelps and Lochte and shit like that.
So no, I'm not really
tuned in with what the whole team has to offer.
But I'll check it out. They always
impress me. I think I've said
it before, but I just want to reiterate because
I think the Rio
Olympics are going to be an utter
disaster. I saw that
they were telling... That's great.
I'll get right on that. That's going to have to add that to my list.
I'll find it. They're telling
the swimmers to keep their mouths closed.
I saw that.
If they're out in that water.
This is going to be such a disaster.
I predict... I can't believe it.
I predict terrorism, global contagion, tiny headed babies.
That will happen.
I want to see one of these athletes have one of those tiny headed babies, though, to see like the freak that that's created, like maybe some sort of super strong but tiny headed baby.
I don't know what you get.
super strong but tiny headed baby, I don't know what you get. There's going to be like domestic unrest, I think, where like protesters or rabble rousers
or freedom fighters, whatever you want to call them, that are unfair with how many billions
have been spent on the facilities and how no money is being spent on their fire, police,
rescue, basic utilities and increasing their way of life above poverty level.
Sure. You know um i think
you're going to see lots of that people um people who are coming to brazil i think are going to be
raped murdered assaulted um beaten robbed all of those things by uh by the populace at large that
is that is mostly poor and being held back at gunpoint they brought brought in 90,000 troops and police into Rio to
keep things under tabs, but I still
predict terrorism.
I think it's going to be the biggest failure in Olympics
history. I'm really looking forward to the shit show.
I hope, not looking forward to anybody getting
hurt or anything, but I think just watching this thing
fall apart is going to be
like really watching a train
wreck. It's not even going to be a car.
I feel really bad for the athletes
and their families that have to be there.
It's just like, what the hell, man?
Who chose this?
Reddit is called Apocalypse 2016.
Great!
That's awesome.
I'm looking at the top two posts.
Athletes told to keep your mouth closed
when in contaminated water.
Horrifying pic shows dead body floating in a bay where Olympic athletes will compete.
No way.
He didn't make it.
A group managed to steal and extinguish the Olympic flame in Angra dos Rios RJ.
I don't know where this is.
Good job.
Good job.
Yeah.
It's just like.
And you'd be surprised how many people are pro,
not only that it got put out,
because to me, that's a...
To me, they're putting it out
because they're protesting against the Olympics being there
and all the money that's being spent on the Olympics
rather than them.
And that makes a lot of sense.
But as I read through the comments,
there is a huge amount of people who are upset
that there even is a torch relay
because apparently Hitler
instituted that practice. That was his
contribution to Olympic tradition. Really?
Yeah, it was the Olympic torch relay.
That's a Hitler thing.
And so there's this big bullshit back
and forth in the comments. It's like, oh,
can we not drive Volkswagen's anymore
too, asshole? Can no one drive
on the Autobahn? Like, anything Hitler
did we can't be associated with anymore? Like, come i'm glad they put it out i thought it was funny
that's great yeah i don't mind the olympic flame that doesn't strike me as very anti-semitic like
yeah it's not like they're fueling it with jews i mean that's not what's burning in there
not as far as i know not since the old days but um yeah i i don't know apparently it's going to be a
real nightmare we'll see i there is an argument that olympics like forces people there forces a
nation to build an infrastructure that becomes good for them afterwards you know i think to this
day atlanta has better highways than they otherwise would have the same is true of salt lake city and
lake placid you know They have facilities there that
have turned them into better vacation spots than they otherwise would have been. But if you do it
too big, then it's just a money piece. I think the last thing that the poor people of Rio needed
was a huge swimming facility. That's true. That's true. But there might be other stuff that comes
with it, better infrastructure that makes business better.
The whole thing
is supposed to bring them
money because people want to come to the
Olympics?
Does that get reinvested
into the city?
There's the immediate influx of tourism, of course, that is the
Olympics, where you've got all those people coming
there and spending money.
That pales in comparison to the cost, though.
Like, $100 billion or something?
Like, it was absurd, the amount of money this shit cost.
And while Brazil's not a poor country, they're not like...
Germany could have handled this just fine.
Germany could have shouldered this burden with no problem.
Their GDP's off the chain. They're doing great.
Brazil's not the same
case. It's declining. It's been in decline.
It's not where you want to be
spending that much money. It's not like
a very attractive location.
I wonder, I guess, I don't know
too much about it, but they're saying
corruption led to it
being there, but I can't...
It's always the case. Corruption not
only led to it being there but
then corruption within brazil or within rio led to them only picking like five contractors for
like 90 billion dollars worth of projects that needed to be built and all five of them are
currently under investigation or are tied up in court for not fulfilling their projects in a timely
fashion for the cost given so that i saw where they were turning on, if they did a stress test,
where all the athletes from Bulgaria turned their showers on at once,
water ran down the walls.
Oh, my God.
Down the walls, like in the living room.
It's a shit show.
They described the Olympic Village or the quarters or whatever,
the rooms, as austere.
But that's just code for
really cheap and shitty. It looked
like the cheapest of motels to me.
Like the fixtures for the
sinks and the beds are all
those really tiny single or
maybe double beds. Whatever the smaller one is
where you're just like
not happy you're in it.
And that may be nice for the area.
That might be like the mid-range hotel
see rio's like this like touristy place already where there's already this big disparity in income
um right you've got like these towers over here that cost like a billion dollars and then right
over there you've got poverty and people living like a lads it's like aladdin like you got a
street rat over there and then fucking jaafar over here living it up with his
big feather and everything. Do we still
have Taylor?
He texted and said that he was restarting.
Oh, his internet pooped out.
His laptop locks up a lot.
I think it auto-upgraded to Windows 10
and became unreliable.
We need to get that PC build going.
That's actually one of the
AMA questions.
Kind of hard to do it since it's focused on Taylor.
We don't have the guy who's learning.
It's like, hey, Taylor.
I put a build together for him.
It's a PC parts picker for him a few weeks ago.
I think it came to like $1,500 or something.
No, it was like $975 or something to get it going.
Did it have a 480 in it?
I think it did have a 480 in it, yeah.
But that, God, they keep, you know, every day they come out with a new card.
I don't really know very much about the Titan X that's $1,200 or whatever,
but Gun Surgeon said he has two, and he'll give me a good deal on one of them if I want one.
Really?
Damn.
Yeah, no, wait, is that, that one's out? Damn. Wait, that one's out?
Yeah.
There's a different one that's coming out
after in like six months.
There's two 1080
predecessors that are
coming out.
But this is...
Oh, this is the 980 base
Titan.
I see.
I think it is. They said this is the Pascal80 base Titan. Yeah. I think it is.
They said this is the Pascal
architecture, but it's a Titan X.
I just had to get
my computer fixed, and he
was talking, because my computer is like
almost two years old now, so he was talking to me
about graphics cards, and he's like, well, you have this
one that's out right now, which I think is the one you're talking
about, and he's like, but in like six months, this
super good one's going to come out for around the same price.
So you should just wait.
I'm like, all right then.
I'm fine.
I'm fine with where I'm at for now.
So I think the Titan X is the super newest one.
The GTX?
I'm really confused.
I just want to be honest.
Maybe.
That sounds like something that he was saying, too.
I wish I was a little bit more...
Yeah, Titan X.
It turns out that's the name of the one that is the latest and greatest best you can get.
Does it say anything about one that's coming out in a little while?
I feel like that's the one.
Or is that maybe is the one?
Yeah, that's the one that's coming soon.
It's insanely good.
Super powerful, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, that's the one he was telling soon. It's insanely good. Super powerful, etc, etc.
The next iteration of the 1080 definitely will be,
right? Because it's our...
There's two more iterations of the 1080.
This is not...
This is the same platform as the 1080
and the Titan X. It's just
it has more cores in it
and such. I don't know enough
about it to... Chiz was explaining this
to me the other day and correcting me. It's kind of what they
always do. They came out with the 780
and then they came out with the Titan
which is what I have. And then they came
out with the...
780 Ti.
The 780 Ti and the Titan came out...
The 780 Ti actually came out just after the Titan
and they turned out they're like the same speed
but it was much cheaper so I would have been smarter
to get the Ti if it's like a week too early.
And then they skipped 880.
So then the 980 came out and then they replaced it with the Titan something.
It might be Z.
I'm getting a little mixed up in my head.
And now the 1080 comes out and the Titan will come out after that.
And it's the 1080 base Titan.
And that thing will be the latest and greatest.
I can't tell you what the specifics are, but it seemed like the 1080 cards
had a bunch of VR
related upgrades.
Which make me think, like, if you're gonna get
a Titan, I don't think you want to go in the 980
world. Like, you want all that VR stuff, since
it's so essential. This 980
TI that I've got in here runs all
the VR stuff really well. I mean, there's some
of the more demanding games have outrageous
settings within the game itself.
And I'm going in the back end
and changing the render multiplier anyway
to get more juice out of it.
I mean, I want more power, certainly,
but I'm saying the 980 Ti that's in here now
does a great job.
I'm going to do something. I want
more power, for sure. Taylor, are you all set up?
You mic sorted out?
I should be fine. Am I alright? Yeah, you seem yeah what happened okay uh skype shit out and then it wouldn't reopen
oh i had to restart just to get it to yeah i had to restart twice just the computer to get
good an extra one too it just you know didn't work the first time give it another is it a windows 10
thing that's what i said while you were gone.
I do have Windows 10,
and these problems never happened
before it self-updated Windows 10 or whatever it did.
I'm not a fan of this operating system.
I've been putting it off,
but now I think in a few days
it's not going to be free to upgrade anymore,
so I'm like, should I do it?
I can revert if I don't like it.
I really don't like it. I don't know.
I don't mind it, but I've had some performance issues.
My laptop does weird stuff.
The other day I reset my laptop to factory configuration
just because I was tired of it being weird.
I was like, what bloatware or bullshit has gotten on here
that's doing this to me?
Fuck it all.
I'm just going to nuke the whole thing.
It's not like I keep pictures, images,
anything on here. I'll just have to re-download
three programs and
download three or four games from Steam
while I sleep or something, but fuck this computer.
And I just fucking went...
There's a quick way to restore
a factory set. Like a backup?
Or is it like a completely new factory?
Yeah, yeah.
It takes like an hour.
AMA question. Is Taylor considering building... Is it like a completely new factory? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, we just killed everything.
AMA question.
Is Taylor considering building... It's not even an interruption.
It's part of the topic.
Is Taylor considering building a PC
so he could possibly get more into PC gaming or streaming?
A better PC and a good webcam
could go a long way to help his quality on the show.
I think your quality on the show is fine, actually.
Yeah, it looks better now.
I put some more light shining on me this week it gives me the appearance of like a person instead of
a dead body like more more color yeah it looks is it like a yellow light kind of or not it's not
white it's the light that was closest to to this place in my might be a little bit too much light
i think you might need
some, like a diffuser over there or something.
I don't know what's going on because it
seems like you're getting hit with, yeah, yeah.
You're getting hit with so much light.
You're getting hit with so much light that it's
creating the appearance
that you're a zombie a little bit.
Even a webcam setting can fix
that for you. I mean,
I have a white light on right now and i think it
makes me look really pale like i'm pale but i'm not this pale so i still need to figure out my
lighting situation too i watched the truly tale truly terrible with your first video it's fuzzy
right i'm sure you saw people yeah give that feedback um but i noticed that your screen wasn't
in 16 by 9 which implied to me you you weren't at your best webcam setting during recording.
Yeah, it was the first time.
I didn't even, full credit to Melissa, my girlfriend,
who wanted to do the video thing.
I was like, no, let's just do it audio again like I've always been doing.
It doesn't matter that much.
And she's like, no, come on, let's do the video.
And so we got it all set up and going, we just didn't didn't do it right i guess but it'll be better in the
future um for the uh pc thing though i i'm really close to pulling the trigger like on that list
that kyle sent me just because like it's great that kyle's so into it, but I really, I don't care about the specific, like, oh my god, like, I got the XR20 Razer graphic card.
Like, I just, I want what's pretty good, and Kyle did a great job piecing that together for me.
Reasonable price, less than a grand, like 960, 970 bucks, really not much.
I just, I don't know, like like i don't play any pc games independently
the only time i play pc games is if we're playing company of heroes or age of mythology or something
with you know kyle or chiz or some subs that play those games on steam so i i don't know but just
having it would be nice though i guess like i could do i feel like you haven't been pc gaming
just having it would be nice though i guess like i could do i feel like you haven't been pc gaming through november yet i could be wrong on that but i just yeah you're right i suspect that like this
christmas season you're gonna wish that you could play battlefield um i don't know what else
but and i'll probably get it's gonna look really nice yeah and the thing about this pc builds is
for like every time you go up 100 or 200 a lot of
things can change because it's like oh well if we invest that extra 200 over here that opens up the
future for an array of things that you could do and for oh well for 280 where you're getting like
20 more performance you know so like the like, the more money, the better.
How much worse is my PC
if I were to just click buy and buy that?
How much, like, would I be able
to keep up with you playing games for a
couple years?
So the difference is, you're going to be
playing in 1080p, and
I'm utilizing, I'm using
all that extra power that I've got to power
you know, a 4K monitor
and this ultra-wide
1440p monitor
and the VR headset,
but you're going to be playing on
one 1080p monitor.
You're going to be able to max the settings out
with that RX 480 for a lot of games,
or at least the top tier,
90% maxed out on most games
in that 1080p monitor and still be
running at respectable frame rates all right um i would expect that becomes true even if you go to
1440p now kyle has an ultra wide 1440p which is a little more difficult to run but a regular 1440p
which is super common i think that 480 would be great sure i just i don't even my eyes are so bad i don't think i can see in 4k so
it's been best in that like my eyes like it's a shit show like what's the point
it's blurry anyway why would i spend so much money to still see the same blurry stuff okay
you see like you can see the the leaf blades really because I can go outside and not see those too. I have to get real close to shit, even with my glasses or contacts.
I'm doing that thing.
I'm 25 years old, and I'm closing one eye to read shit with my phone if my glasses are off.
Have you considered getting one of those, like, okay, what's the iPhone?
What's the big iPhone called?
Help me out.
Is it S?
6 Plus.
Plus, that's what I'm looking
for have you considered oh is that what you have yeah this brick it's I was it's too big I mean
it's perfect for when I'm at home and I'm reading reddit or doing whatever I'm doing
but then immediately when I have to go somewhere and I have to put it in my pocket or carry it
with me it becomes a hassle so but I've got two counters to that.
One, you wear girl clothes and your pockets suck in comparison to like, I'm pocketed.
Trying to fit it into my front pocket is like a joke.
Over here can put a whole bag of nails in there.
Dude, I can put a bag of nails, a phone, and a gun in my shorts and still not enough to
do with my other back pocket.
I'm not even huge on purses. Sometimes I'll carry a bag or whatever to carry other things too if
I'm going somewhere. But yeah, if I'm just going to the mall or even into a store, I got my wallet
and whatever. I'm holding my money. I got my stuff in my pocket and then I got to put it in my other
pocket. So half of this big phone is hanging out of my ass while I'm trying to shop at Target
and I just I don't know
I'm not sure if we've met in person but I imagine
you're smaller than me in general right like I
bet my hands are bigger than yours and stuff
oh for sure and I mean I don't know
I like it like I said for at home it's
great for
viewing and reading and all that it's
wonderful but now I've
cracked it pretty bad so now I'm waiting for the new one to come out the 7 or whatever I'm assuming it's wonderful, but now I've cracked it pretty bad, so now I'm waiting
for the new one to come out, the 7 or whatever
I'm assuming is coming out. I'm just like,
hold on for like three more months or whatever.
But I don't know which one I'm going to get.
Stick with the Androids.
I don't like... I was going to go
to Apple, but strictly
because of the phone jack being removed
and all the bullshit I've read about that,
and the fact that none of my current Apple accessories
will be any good whatsoever, even though I've got a few.
I don't know, I guess those Thunderbolt cables
maybe still work and all that bullshit.
But anyway, I want no part of it.
I'm going to get that S7, or not the S7,
whatever the new Galaxy is that everyone's raving about.
It's beating Apple in sales.
It's beating Apple in the reviews.
I'm going to look at it, because I've been iPhone 6S.
I mean, like when the 7 –
Is that the case?
Yeah, so the 7 pre-orders start in September 9th.
So one would expect –
The 7 would be a significant update.
It's not a good year.
So here's the scoop.
Normally you go like 5 five s six six s
and then like seven would be a great one it happens that seven's not gonna be great because
they want their 10-year anniversary to be great so we're gonna have two s years and then supposedly
the year after that will be wonderful but the seven that's what i am on the it's time to convert
I don't know man
I read your stuff too much
I like how simple the iPhone is
I like my iPhone a lot
I went to Android and I switched back
maybe they're better now than they used to be
but I didn't have a good experience
I had a bad experience too with Android
the operating system on my old phone
back in the day
and also
the phone itself literally fell apart in my hands i'm not even like i didn't subject it to water
damage nothing like i treat my stuff pretty pretty well so i was really disappointed that's when i
became team apple and i was like yeah and then ever since then it's like you you're stuck i have
the galaxy okay go ahead all right Galaxy. I have something to say.
Smartphones in general, the thing that impresses me,
because I've seen this with iPhones and with the Android devices,
you can drop these things from head to height into a parking lot all day long,
and they'll fall to fucking pieces.
If Pinky now worked in there just right,
you can fucking call for help.
It'll still work.
I had an iPhone, and the screen had been picked off of it.
You know how as a kid, you got a scab, and you pick at it?
You're like, I just can't stop picking at it?
That's how my screen was.
A little piece of the glass would get wobbly, and I'd be like...
So satisfied.
Picked it off, and exposed some copper and like inter workings and you can see
the circuit board and you can see where
the tiny screws were put in by the Filipino
children and I would just
keep picking away at it until like
this much of the
glass up was just gone
and it would still fucking work the camera would work
the phone would work you couldn't see the screen
so you had to like imagine
you just have to really know what apps you had on the top yeah yeah yeah i had the galaxy
three and four and they were supposed to be like you know the one of the better phones like they
were the top sellers at their time i've later learned that they were really loaded with some
bloatware i reskinned it and it started crashing all the time and i'm like
man i just switched over to apple it just kind of works it's great but i'm thinking about going to
the plus version because like taylor i like i started to do the one eye thing and maybe i just
need a bigger one well you got i mean if you've got big pockets to carry it around in and i mean
even like my mistake with this one is because it's so big i didn't want to put a case on it because then that's even that's more of a brick hanging out of my ass when i'm at
target and so i i didn't have a case i haven't had a case on it for like over a year i've been
traveling with it go to events with it nothing so like about a month ago i was sitting on a park
bench and i was talking on the phone and then like it just like I was I'd been on a bike ride and I'd had like shorts on
and it just like slipped
from my shorts through the crack and
it probably fell like maybe this
like a solid like two or three feet
you know not bad I've dropped it out of the
car I've slammed
it in things I've dropped it off this desk
numerous times I've dropped it on tile
nothing things indestructible with no case
I just barely drop it on tile nothing things indestructible with no case i just barely
drop it on some pavement and i look and you can't see it because it's black but i got cracks all up
in here this part's like group i can stick like my nail in there and really feel around in there
and it's i'm just like trying i'm holding out i don't even know if i need to hold out for the
new iphone especially if i'm gonna get the Samsung. But I want to see, I guess,
what comes out about it.
Once I find out...
So I had mine repaired
and I didn't have the Plus, but it was $100.
They fixed it same day.
Really? You can get the kit, do it yourself.
I mean, it even has like...
It had this lag problem before I
even cracked the stream, probably
because I was dropping it so
much but it like I can't type properly I'll type something out and then like 10 seconds later it
types what I was trying to type so I'm like I haven't even been tweeting as much I was I was
a pretty fanatical Twitter person before I tweet out anything I think I tweeted out but now I'm
like I don't even want to type on it I don't want nothing to do with typing on it so so it's
sabotaged your Twitter game basically yeah for sure for sure because typing's so hard i don't like texting anymore
maybe it's just because i'm getting older but like yeah i just i'm pissed at my phone right now and i
don't know i gotta look into this maybe you guys in the comments will have a war about this i'm
sure let me know which one i should get well i, I'm sure it'll be measured, reasoned, and they'll come to a conclusion.
There will be no telling each other to KYS and do all this other
crazy stuff.
Oh, this is the question I wanted
to tailor around for. Are you ready?
I'm a 20-year-old Finnish
guy studying civil engineering. I'll be graduating
in 2018. I've thought about
moving to the USA after a few years
work experience, main reasons being climate and wages. In Finland
a rookie engineer will earn about 35,000 whatever the fuck that
thing is. Probably euros. And with experience that grows to 7,100
in the US you can start at 50 and go up. My main worry coming from country
with stronger social learning priorities and priorities to a country
that is more business and GDP oriented.
So it's like Finland's a social learning
and the US is more GDP.
Is the American work environment
really as harsh as I've been led to believe?
As in almost non-existent
or frowned upon vacation times,
little to no parental leave for fathers
and that whole mindset that one's purpose
is to work and
contribute to the gdp first and other aspects of life like mental health and well-being come behind
if so i guess there's a reason why civil engineers make way more in the u.s so taylor and anyone else
has been in the workforce what do you think is it true that we have little to no vacation time
parental leave yeah i mean if you look at like the comparison
like for him our vacation time probably does look like shit because you get a ton of like
pater i think they have like paternity leave like even for dads in yeah they have it very far but
it's very interesting to see his his the way his mind is framing it naturally where he's like well
you know in finland it's all you know social learning that you're putting it towards and in the united states you're putting
your effort towards the gdp because like i guess he has that frame of mind of everybody working
collectively towards something but nobody's going to work every day like god damn can't wait to
crush russia and gdp again i'm contributing to like no like you're the fun part is that you're working for yourself
you know even if you're not working for yourself and you have people to whom you're accountable
the the dream the american dream is you're working on behalf of yourself and that through hard work
and determination you can get through bad shit and make more money and enjoy yourself and find
a job that you like um but yeah, the whole business world thing.
There are so many jobs, dude.
It depends what you're doing.
Are you going to be in HR?
Are you going to do that kind of job?
Are you going to be a salesman?
Are you going into...
Obviously, he's doing engineering, but I was speaking kind of towards all fins at that point.
It's really hard to group all of business in.
You generally don't share your private life, but can you share your paid time off package?
Like, would you get two weeks paid time off, one week sick?
No, I'd rather not.
Okay, so at Cisco, I got four weeks off.
And there was no concept of, like, sick time or, like, vacation time.
If you're the sort of guy that gets sick four weeks a year,
then there's no vacation for you.
If you hardly ever get sick, then you get four weeks a year, then there's no vacation for you. If you hardly ever get sick, then you get four weeks a year.
And then there was a capability of carrying it over.
You could build up to six months, at which point it stopped accumulating.
Like roll it over kind of?
Yeah, yeah.
A lot of that time off, I don't spend a lot of time off.
In past jobs where I've been hammered down with you get this amount of time,
because thankfully I don't have to deal with that anymore
like the past jobs where it was like you get one week in this amount of time or
whatever like a lot of the time I didn't even spend that time off because it was
like I could use this time to get ahead. Are you willing to share other packages you've had in the past?
Like well I'm just because I feel like okay so in the US it's often considered
two weeks off vacation and one week sick is kind of like a standard.
Like that's a common thing.
But I don't even know anyone that has jobs that sucky.
Like, you know, everyone's like, oh, U.S. sucks.
Really get two weeks off a year.
And the whole time I'm like, I get four.
You know, like four just it's not as good as six.
Like I think they get in Europe.
But it also is not two.
But be honest, though.
Like, I find it interesting that you're thinking about coming to, not you, that you're thinking about coming to the United States to work.
And your first thought is, hey, how much time off can I get?
When I travel to your country to work,
is there going to be a lot of vacation time?
Could it start kind of immediately?
I'd like to take that up front, actually.
I'll start on my first day and collect my first paycheck.
I'm going to run to the bank and deposit.
I'll be back in around noon-ish on that 16th technical day of my tenure there like like look dude like your first question shouldn't have been how much time off can i get when i come to your country to
work if i'm the guy stamping your fucking work visa i'm it's fucking denied because you your
thoughts are in the wrong place and the whole idea of a gdp like first of all the average american
worker and the average human being doesn't know what a gdp is and it doesn't fucking factor into their day one iota not even
a little bit even if you're an economist you're like it's not the determining factor of your day
you're not thinking about it constantly jesus why are you you're thinking about like taylor said
bettering yourself getting ahead and getting ahead of the pack in many cases if you're in one of those middle tier
jobs where there's so much room for advancement and like becoming an entrepreneur perhaps through
your tenure at this place or something like that the idea isn't like oh this is a real sweet gig
i just sit here for the next 60 years check in as much as they need me to and then i collect my you
know my my pension for until i'm
dead like that's not the mindset you should have let's let's see if we can get ahead here
that's the whole american dream is is starting somewhere as a cashier like and then working
your way up or going to college and then you have a degree to get yourself somewhere you know
don't get me wrong if you're an engineer and you're shopping three different engineering firms,
go with the one that's going to give you
the most vacation days, right?
Because you can probably cash them in at some point.
You're not even supposed to ask about vacation time in America.
When you interview, it's considered bad form
to be like, how much time off do I get?
No, no, no.
They will give you a package.
Yeah, they get what you get.
Yeah, they're going to talk about salary and that's okay.
And you negotiate that hire, you know, if you can do that.
Always negotiate.
And then when they give you the package, they're going to say at this company, you get four weeks off a year.
And you'll invest in your four.
Okay, this is our matching, et cetera.
You just sort of learn all that.
And then you know what you've got going on.
You don't ask.
You know, you'll find out before you accept. what you've got going on. You don't ask.
You'll find out before you accept.
That would be like on a first date if you asked if she did anal.
You're getting a little ahead of yourself.
You've got to prove yourself here a little bit first.
You've got to get your face
a little more familiar around the office.
Then we'll start talking about
your retirement package
and your vacation days.
We just met here.
Perfect analogy.
Well, you get three anal days a year.
You can't roll over and cannot be used concurrently.
You know, in the Netherlands, we get four ass fucks a year minimum.
The other thing that he was saying, like, you know, in Finland,
we start out at 35 fin bucks or whatever he's talking about,
and in the United States, you start out at 35 fin bucks, or whatever he's talking about.
And in the United States, you start out at 50 real dollars.
I don't know what the culture is in Finland.
Maybe when they say, like, are you starting at 45,000 fin bucks? And they're like, oh, that sounds good.
How much vacation do I get?
And they start now?
I don't know know that's the culture
but here you're gonna be talking to a guy and he's gonna go like all right finland uh finland
school of civil engineering all right we're gonna go ahead and start you at 29 000 and is that all
right is that good all right perfect just sign here and you'll be you you have to negotiate your
starting salary i don't know if that's a thing in Finland, but regardless of people, you'll come across people every time you're being interviewed of, well, this is really just our set package.
accept whatever offer they give you first,
if you're actually worth more than that,
you could get more.
You can always get more if you're worth it.
So definitely negotiate that salary and then maybe you can pick a job
where you get more vacation days
instead of just going,
well, I got more salary over here and less vacation
and less salary, more vacation.
You got to be playing the angles.
You got to try and familiarize yourself
and really negotiate that.
Not nearly enough people do that.
And keep in mind, bonuses are not not guaranteed they will tell you bonuses are guaranteed
fuck that oh my god bonuses are not guaranteed at cisco bonuses were often like a decent chunk
of your salary like 25 could be 40 on a good year and then you go through the whole fucking
george w bush years and you're like i have had zero bonus like seven years in a good year. And then you go through the whole fucking George W. Bush years and you're like, I have had zero
bonus like seven years in a row now.
That's exactly
how selling cars was.
Because the percentage
that you made per
car, you make $1,000
profit on the car. If you only sell
one car a month, then you get like
20% of that profit.
But if you sell 20
cars you're getting like 30 something percent of it there's a sliding scale
and it goes back on all the previous deals so getting to that 20th car might
might net you another four thousand dollars on your paycheck at the end of
the month like one more car sale so everybody's trying to hit those numbers
that's why whenever I'm talking about like buying a car it's you've got to get patient and go to a lot of dealerships
if you really want to get the best possible deal
because if you can find that one manager, sales associate, finance guy
who just needs that one more number on their monthly, quarterly, or yearly scale
to put them over the edge for this big $10,000, $20,000 bonus, or maybe a bonus that
applies to their whole network of dealerships, you can really win the jackpot.
Is it better to go towards the end of the month or quarter?
You always want to shop late?
Yep.
I hadn't heard quarter before.
It's better to go at the end of the quarter, too?
It depends on the situation.
Because if you've got Rick Astley Chevrolet and Rick owns two two of them one here and one in a neighboring town like probably not but if you go
to a um like a a chain of dealerships it's owned by like auto nation auto nation is the biggest
auto retailer in the world they own all of these chains of dealerships under many many different
brands um and they own them in different regions across the United States
and maybe the world, I'm not sure.
But they go by names like Fox or Team.
So if you see Team Chevrolet, Team Ford, or Fox Chevrolet, Fox Ford,
they're all owned by the same asshole.
It's a corporate thing.
So yeah, if you're in a corporate chain of hierarchy of stores like that,
then yeah, one more car might be like winning the
lottery for your general manager with Ford Motor Company. I can't tell you how many friends I've
had who have got into like some competitive field of sales and I'll ask them just, you know,
oh, that's awesome. You got a job. Like what's the compensation like? And they'll be like, well,
you know, they told me that I can expect my first
year to be at around 80. And it's like, wow, that's great, man. First year at 80 and you're,
you know, 25 years old, 26 years old, like obviously not believing it. And then you ask
them a little further, like, well, base is 31. But with bonuses, I can get all the way. And like,
if you have never been in a sales position before
where you're selling something big where a huge percentage of your income is going to be
that commission or that bonus base like they will intentionally make it so that bonuses are
unattainable so for kyle they'd say like oh yeah kyle you know you're gonna start out at a hundred
and hundred and twenty thousand dollars a year uh to sell, how many cars in the lot?
You've got to sell 500 cars a year.
And of course they don't tell you that
until the end. So they just manipulate it
and keep it as like you're
selling it. We negotiated our own
pay rate at one point. All the salesmen got
together and were like, we don't like this current pay rate.
It's not fair.
It's not fair for the salesmen who were
coming in on Sundays
and on their days off and
working fucking Easter and shit
for us to not get compensated for trying to hit
higher numbers. And we negotiated
that sliding scale that would
actually, you could actually hit.
It was like, yeah, when I get to that 14th car, that
means something. You've got to bust your ass to get
there. And when we get to 18, it should mean
something too. That's shitty if you can't even get to it that sounds more like a uh a pyramid scheme
sounds like we're selling mary kay all of a sudden it wasn't like that at cisco like the way they do
bonuses in a lot of places that they'll have like a tier system obviously so they'll make it so that
tier one attainable tier two attainable you know tier three where the money really starts rolling
in it's just like a banana's
difference in what you'd have to do so it's it's orchestrated in a way that's very manipulative to
people who go in just wanting a job it's cisco there was a guy on my hockey team uh there was
actually a cisco hockey team anyway he uh he drove a corvette to the rink one time and everyone was
like oh damn nice and he's like yeah man can't live on
salary and i was just like is there something i should learn from this like do i need to be in
sales you know like do i need to be in sales yeah it was just like that i've been living on salary
the highest paid occupation in the world right like? It's one of the lowest.
Oh, that's interesting too.
On average, it's the highest though.
Management seems to really value the people
who invent the product and the people who sell it.
Everybody else
is just an expense.
So those
are the people that make the money.
We need salesman robots.
No, that wouldn't be very compelling.
Imagine Hillary Clinton trying to sell you something.
Man, I felt like on a scale of 1 to 10,
Trump's convention was a 5,
and it would be easy for Hillary to do better.
But I feel like she's rocking a 2 or a 3.
I did not expect...
Unfortunately, it seems that she's doing a two or a three. I did not expect... Unfortunately,
it seems that she's doing very well.
The ratings are very high. They've beaten the RNC every single night so far.
You know, they...
To not be united...
The Democrat Party,
the Democrat Party, it's not the Democratic
Party, that's not what it's fucking called.
The Democrat Party is not
united, at least the voter base is not
because you've got that 46 percent of vote voters who voted in this last process that are really
unhappy about what just happened and at least 40 percent of them are fucking pissed about what
happened but what you do have is all the uh the hierarchy of the party all the old guys you know
you got it's easy to will out Biden Obama and Michelle Obama and and
The only guy I didn't see up there at the DNC so far that I would have thought would have been like a good guy
For them to bring out as Al Gore
But he seems to have sort of distanced himself from the party as well and done his own sort of environmental Al Gore thing
It's the Democratic Party
Democrat Party, right? It's not no democrat party is a like insult
that republicans use you know so did the democrat party yeah it's an insult yeah it's a political
what is this word epithet epitaph yeah no an epitaph is what they write when you die on your
gravestone epithet is like a racial phrase yeah Ah, good point. Yeah. So if it was like,
here lies Obama,
that would be an epithet.
Thank you, Taylor.
So yeah, it's the Democratic Party.
Anything else is name-calling,
which you can do if you want to.
Just know that you're name-calling.
I'm comfortable with that.
All right.
I didn't even know that.
Well, I guess it doesn't make sense
because that would be like
calling it the Republic Party, right? yeah the Republic Party yeah I don't know I
who would have thought that they would be offended by something like that
that's so out of character for them to get offended over to get all pissed off
over yeah yeah that isn't tonight the last night of it I was gonna ask I think Yeah.
Isn't tonight the last night of it?
I was going to ask.
I think we're missing it.
I think Hillary is probably speaking now.
I'm sure Chiz will have information about it.
Where he'll link us a bunch of shit.
Chiz has been following
intently that whole time.
I've seen his tweets.
He's really into it.
Yeah.
I feel like I should be more into it because I'm old enough to care, I guess, at this point.
Before, I was just like, oh, whatever.
But now, I just have a hard time really getting excited about this election because I thought
when I heard Trump was going to try to get the nomination, I was like,
that'll never happen. And now
here we are. It's happening. Even when
Hillary, they were like, yeah, Hillary. I was like,
no way she's going to be the person.
We can't have two Clintons in
however long. So I'm like,
I don't know.
It's just a shit show.
How much makeup they slathered on the old
Bill Clinton to make him not look like a frail, fragile old man.
I somehow doubt it was more than Trump.
Oh, it was.
No.
Look, look.
I've seen Bill Clinton when he's not made up.
And they made him look like fucking 90s Bill Clinton there for a minute.
He still looks skinnier.
But he fucking, they had him snort some fucking meth rolled his out through his
outside on stage and he came alive bill clinton gave a speech uh and very good he went on for i
don't know an hour or something like that it was a little lengthy but he was he sounded stronger
than i've heard him in a few in years past and his whole like his face doesn't look right anymore. There's, like, red and splotchy.
Yeah, it's really weird.
You see lots of veins.
Lots of veins.
Where does he live?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, really sluggish.
Sallow.
They fucking had that same guy, like a mortician, come in and fucking made him look alive again.
And, man, he did a great job out there.
I was so upset at how good he looked because I was looking forward to seeing him look bad because he looks bad in real life but i was like shit they not only just you know they brought
out some hollywood makeup artists to make this guy look like a human it looks like he's the first
ever person to have both eyes transplanted with tiny little eyes that he didn't like just look
at his eyes now they're sunken in like if you if he his fucking
profile right now you see like an inch back of skull where his eyes start like it's it's weird
it's very he has the kind of face right now like the gaunt sallow sunken look of someone who has
some kind of disease like i don't know but he looks do you think he does he's a vegan now right
because i know he had all those heart problems and all those heart surgeries.
Because remember back in the day, you'd see him jogging,
and then he'd duck into a Mickey D's for a double cheeseburger.
He wasn't the healthiest of guys.
Actually, there's a raping his president, though, in quite some time.
If you Google 2016 Bill Clinton, there's a lot of pictures where he looks good.
You've got to go back to a family.
Yeah, that's what I was just Googling.
No, he looks good now. I was wondering how I was just Googling. He looks good now.
I was wondering how old he is, too.
He's 69.
69 years old.
Wow, man.
Age is not a factor in this election
because Hillary's going to be...
I think she's 68, but she'll be 69
when she takes office.
And I want to say Trump will be 70, if not real close to that.
Yeah, they're very close in age.
Let me tell everyone a little bit about, you got something?
Real quick, Biden would have been 73.
Yeah, Biden spoke as well.
I really wish Biden had ran because he'd have beaten Hillary hands down.
Oh, for sure.
Because, you know, he's a human being.
He's just a human being I don't agree with.
That's very different than that
robotic monstrosity they
wheel out every now and then that
shrieks at us. Let's see here.
The cackling.
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Check it out!
Nailed it!
Good read.
Kyle's a very good reader. I don't think he gets enough reading credit you
know they lots of practice you got to start early with that reading stuff when i was in like the
sixth or seventh grade they said look here's the alphabet all right this is the key to reading in
the future and and by the time i was 15 or 16 i was reading whole sentences on my own my god that
really yeah impressive were you guys the fast readers or the slowly were you the good readers I was reading whole sentences on my own. My God, that really...
Yeah.
Impressive.
Were you guys the fast readers or the slow readers?
Were you the good readers in your class?
Yeah.
Nope.
I liked to be done first so I could be done,
but it led to a lot of skimming and missing important details.
What I did when I was learning to read is...
They were like, hey, why don't you read this book to me?
Like those little tiny, like, Tom talks
to Tim. Tim rides a bike.
Tim's bike is red. Like that
kind of thing. They would say, you can read this
and then when you're done, you can go play with blocks
or Legos.
They didn't have Legos. They had those bullshit mighty
blocks where they're too big to build anything
cool and they don't snap down.
I'm five, but I get it
come on but I didn't care
for that and I just
did my best to memorize every
story and for a while it worked
to where I would see the cover and I'd be like
ah the big red bike
oh I know this one
I can do it with my eyes closed you wanna see oh Stephen
loves his big red bike the big red bike
goes fast you won't believe how fucking. The big red bike goes fast.
You won't believe how fucking fast this big red bike goes.
Like, it's just shit like that.
And eventually, I capture maybe, like, two times,
because I'm not some suave motherfucker when I'm five.
They're like, Taylor, you're clearly just memorizing this,
because you started reciting Clifford during an Arthur book.
And I had to go to, like to the special Learn to Read Faster program to
get me caught up real quick.
In that class,
I was a god
among men.
I was one of the men in that class.
I walk in and she's giving starbursts
to kids for pronouncing the TH
sound. She's like,
oh man, I'm immediately
the star of that show.
Can you read this sentence? B bill it's bill tim it's bill you see the two l's taylor what's this
bill flicks you a starburst bill also loves halloween halloween taylor my goodness that's excellent
i know i know give me the candy i was i was uh i didn't get to stay in that class for very long
but um they caught on dude yeah i had this is my turn so i was a pretty good reader right that i
did fine but my pronunciation was bad like i like a, not even a lisp.
Like I remember, there's not 26 sounds in the alphabet.
There's like 40 or something like that.
I don't know how many, because, you know, some of them have a couple letters or whatever.
So it was something like, hey, out of the 45 sounds in English, Woody fucks up like, you know, 29 of them.
You know?
And they were really picky. And she'd do this. in English, Woody fucks up like, you know, 29 of them. You know? Yeah.
And there was, and I'm like, they're really picky.
And she'd do this.
She's like, you know, look at my mouth.
Arr, arrr.
And I'm just like, I don't fucking see
what's happening in there.
Like, like, this isn't helping me at all.
Say arrr.
And I would just say it like repeatedly,
the same sound, I think, until what liked it like say r r nope r
nope r there you go i don't really know like you know and uh like i just oh so much so they'd pull
me out of class and bring me into like speech therapy all the time. But I didn't mind it because I was out of class.
And I just didn't like the up close.
She really wanted me to look inside her mouth
and see what was happening in there.
And that wasn't really my jam.
I was just like, come on.
Sure she wasn't trying to come on to you.
Maybe if you felt the inside of my mouth, Woody.
Look at my tongue, Woody.
It's kind of like Braille.
Now they do that. That's how they do it now.
It's called touch prompts.
Well, you don't go inside the mouth, but
it works suspiciously well.
You're like, there's a thing here, there's a thing there,
there's a tug.
Jackie knows it better than I do we do them with colin and the touch prompts like you're like oh yeah that that would make you say t and uh i found the whole helen keller thing
fascinating with because it's like wow when you can't see or hear like you know you have to use
signs in the hand so like like they're just doing that sign for water over and over like water in her hand and then like pouring the water on her and this back and
forth i can't imagine that's illegal now couldn't teach someone to read like that anymore she she
read uh you know right in the nick of time some say that is really impressive, though, that she learned how to...
Actually, is there a recording of her talking?
No, she can't talk.
Yeah, she could.
Wasn't it just inaudible?
Yeah, only the one person could understand it, really.
Let me see.
There's no way that...
Because if there's footage of her talking, that'd be interesting to hear.
But it's also like...
There might be some footage of Helen Keller making some noises.
Like, I could believe that. but she's deaf and blind she has no concept of like a human mouth she would literally have to put her hands inside a human mouth to even and and then just
and like feel the vibration of the throat and then try to mimic those feelings like i can't
imagine her being very eloquent after that do you want to watch it? I don't know what this is going to be
I'd like to see what
how she spoke
1930 wow
I'm queued up at zero
I didn't pre-watch it
surely she's going to sign into the lady's hand
I'm queued up at zero
ready set play
when I saw Helen Keller first
she was six years and eight months old.
Not bad looking.
She had been blind and deaf and mute since her 19th month.
As a result of a illness.
Is there a lady that can understand her, maybe?
She had no way of communicating with those around her
except a few imitative signs that she had
made for herself. A push meant go and a pull meant come and so on. She had observed that
we did not use the hands when we were talking to each other. And I let her see, by putting her hand on my face,
how we talked with our mouths.
She felt the vibration of the spoken word.
Instantly, she spelled,
I want to talk with my mouth.
That seemed impossible. but after experimenting for a
time we found that placing her hand in this position the thumb resting on the
throat right at the larynx the first finger on the lips, the second on the nose, we found that she could
the vibration of spoken words.
So she's basically got her middle finger pressed against the lady's nose, pointer finger on
the mouth, thumb on the Adam's apple, whatever that is for a woman. And on the lips she feels the... And the K sounds.
On the lips she feels the B.
And the...
And with the second finger on the nose,
the nasal sounds.
The N.
The N.
Whoa.
The first word she learned to articulate was the little word, it.
With the hand in this position, I made the vowel, it.
She felt it, it.
Then I made the T.
She feels it with the finger on her lip, on my lip. Then I put the two letters together to form the word.
It.
And the first word was learned.
That's incredible. After her seventh lesson, she was able to speak the sentence word by word.
I am not dumb now.
Wow, that was crazy.
Oh, that was so good.
I was amazed when she put her hand on her face like that.
I was like, surely this can't be how she's doing it.
Wow, the most impressive thing about Helen Keller
isn't that she managed to communicate at all.
She was a fucking genius, it seems like,
who just couldn't see or hear.
Wow, to be able to do that.
Incredible.
Especially when she said the sentence there at the end.
Yeah, i am not
dumb that's that's really well she probably got yeah it's easy to make fun of that story when you
don't really know much about it which i really i guess i didn't but watching that it's it's fine
that's fucking remarkable to be able like if you don't have the ability to hear or any of that
to even be able to put the pieces together of what is
vibrating and what's not by a i i just want to know how much communication she had though like
what we saw was a parlor trick right what we saw was her able to imitate i am not dumb right and it
what can she do right can can she free form her own sentences like? I wonder what the limits are of her abilities.
She's able to mimic, and how much did they practice that one sentence that she did say?
So if she had this lady with her, could she communicate like,
I have to use the bathroom or whatever she would need to do?
I've seen Siberian Huskies say I love you pretty well, actually.
Right?
But they're not saying I love you.
So I don't want to compare her to a dog, even though I clearly just did that.
I just wonder what the limits of her communication are.
I feel like it would give her enough treats.
It seems like it would be an escalating trend,
where once you got all the basic sounds down and you could explain
to her like what do you think about this you know then she could maybe pontificate on that a little
bit given her you know shrouded ability to ascertain what's going on around her but we've
seen with colin page it says she's like a uh you know an activist or something. I don't know if that's something they just
slapped on her to give her something.
Not to be mean, but
I don't know. She must have actually
been giving speeches and having opinions
because obviously that's the most compelling
image of someone who you would think at the time
is so
stupid and worthless. And then
you see this and you're like, oh my god.
That's just another person in there.
When a kid learns to walk,
like I,
I don't think I've been here as kids yet.
Uh,
when a kid learns to walk,
like first they're like couch surfing and,
you know,
going from the couch to the coffee table or something like that.
But their primary form of locomotion is crawling.
And then once they switch from crawling to walking and that's how they get
around,
like the running comes, their dancing comes, like everything else just kind of switches.
In language, we had a similar thing with Colin.
Like for the longest time, he could say a word or two and communicate that he wanted things.
But it wasn't until like talking really became the way that he interacted with his world that like the rest of it like started to say it avalanched in is maybe overstating it but but you know his
communication was just kind of like you know working working working working and then it you
know it we had a real nice long prolonged growth curve that they were probably still in really
um because he just you know he talks every day he talks for strangers he talks at parkour
he you know he meets new friends at parkour class he talks with his family he's just like
all the time he talks actually he never stops talking and it's actually going to be a problem
oh yeah like dude it's nonsense well the thing is I'm not usually interested in his topics like
he'll watch a youtube video I want to tell me all about it and it's like
oh my god this is work
but
but yeah so that
that's how it went with him like it just
it sort of
there was a
he had to cross the chasm where talking
was like this thing we forced
him to do to oh this
is how you know i can interact with
the world around me and then yeah maybe you just like hit hit the hit the stride and then he's like
oh i've been waiting to be able to do this you know yeah that's that's you know the hope is that
this keeps going that at some point like you know if if he's i'll make up numbers right let's say
he's 10 years old and he speaks on a three-year-old level like that's a real problem he's, I'll make up numbers, right? Let's say he's 10 years old and he speaks on a three-year-old level. Like that's a real problem.
He's seven years behind.
But if he's 25 years old and he speaks on a 18-year-old level,
then that's really not a problem anymore.
You know?
Yeah, sure.
So we'll see where the future takes us.
Yeah.
Well, that really,
that video actually made me start thinking about a lot of things and being
kind of sad for how it killed her.
Hi.
What a downer.
I've always thought that she's really trapped.
You think of it as a disability at first,
but what it is is a box that she can never leave.
It's a trap.
And it's not about keeping her in it.
It's about keeping everyone else out because she can't interact with anyone, anyone at all.
She can't let anyone know what she's really feeling.
She talked about the, you know, she had two sides.
There was pull and push, like come and help me or get away from me.
That's all she had and that was her entire interaction with other humanity was go away,
please come here.
And that's so dark and so off. It must have been so liberating and incredibly emotional
to be able to express yourself for once.
And, you know, we saw her learning to make those noises like that.
And you think, like, wow, I could never learn that.
You totally could learn that if that's all there was to learn.
Like, if the only thing there was to learn was that,
and that's all that mattered because that like if the only thing there was to learn was that and that's all
that mattered because that was helping you get a little bit closer to being like whatever her
visual imaging is of what the world around her actually is like man what a what a dark way to
live literally and figuratively as a kid we learned she was blind deaf and mute although as i think
about it i feel like she was blind and deaf and the mute was just a downstream symptom of the other two yeah often yeah yeah usually a lot
of people who are deaf don't speak because they can't properly mimic the
the sounds correctly and so they're self-conscious about you know they don't
they don't hit sounds as hard so instead of saying like they'll be like meh like
sounds that just remember the the lady on Seinfeld.
She's, like, the best example of that,
because she's a deaf actress.
That blonde lady, she's been in tons of movies and TV shows since then,
but she played Jerry's deaf girlfriend.
You know, she was the tennis player,
and he's, like, trying to hit on her, but she's ignoring her.
And finally she turns around, he goes, what are you, deaf?
She's like, yeah.
So, like, it's not like you can't understand what they're saying.
It's just a lot of times my understanding is deaf people don't like to talk because they don't want to draw attention to it.
Someone told me, if we have any deaf listeners, which is probably unlikely,
they can confirm this.
But it's like a romance language.
There's deaf people listening in right yeah i know i
know podcasting has really taken a surge in the deaf market i think what you mean to say is hey
if any of you out there have a deaf guy next to you sign this to him no i said what i meant i
meant what i said if we have any deaf listeners then uh you can confirm or deny this it's a
romance language that's what I'm told.
I have a friend whose wife did
a sign language. She taught it.
So a lot of the words are
in a different order than they would be in English.
If you've ever received a letter
from someone who's deaf
you really have to fucking dissect
the meaning from it.
The adjective
is on the wrong side of the direct object
and stuff like that.
Like Spanish. That's interesting.
I did not know that.
And it's a lot more simplified.
I got credit for my foreign language
being American Sign Language.
Nice.
Did you take two years of sign language
and get decent at it?
I'm just going to, no.
No.
I knew the alphabet very well.
I knew a handful of signs, but I was going through a lot of stuff while I was in that class
and kept my head down and slept a lot.
And I didn't really pick too much up at all.
The teacher was very cool about it, though.
She was just like, she didn't really give a fuck.
There were some classes where I wasn't even there.
That's how I got injured one day. I was supposed
to be in sign language but instead we
commandeered a gardening part
that kind of had one of those pull behind handles
you pull it behind you. You flip that
handle back into the cart and now all of a sudden
it's a steering mechanism.
I get in that thing at the top of the
asphalt parking lot, get my buddy to
give me a real running boost shove down the hill and it's not until i'm going 25 miles per hour
down a hill in a gardening cart that i realized this was a terrible idea i go straight into this
five gallon bucket full of dried concrete that they were with a flagpole stuck in it that they
were using to like signify parking areas.
Hit that, and the cart just
hits it and then goes backwards.
I fall on my back
on asphalt and slide,
like taking the skin off
at every vertebrae down my spine.
Hop up,
dust myself off like it didn't hurt at all
as I like to do,
and proceeded to go into the men's bathroom,
pull my shirt up and look,
and fucking passed out right there on the floor.
Wow.
Oh, in the men's room with an open wound?
So I didn't pick up too much sign
language.
We used to do that same thing. My friend had a
driveway at the end of the street that
was really tilted.
I feel like we knew we were going to crash.
So we kind of rolled with it like a skater might.
Like, you know, we would just crash all the time.
We used a wagon, not a gardening cart.
And like a red rider, like red wagon.
And dude, like with a car, if you do nothing, it kind of wants to go straight.
The wheels want to center, et cetera.
You correctively steer a wagon even a little bit, and it just wants to go straight. The wheels want to center, et cetera. You, you correctively steer a wagon even a little bit and it just wants to turn sharper
and harder until you roll out the side.
But, um, none of it took us by surprise.
I don't think we got hurt as much.
I got hurt.
Yeah.
I got another question.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you want to go with that?
I was going to say like, that was the biggest scam ever taken, taking ASL for your foreign language and then letting us do that.
And then only having one...
It's not like there was a Spanish test.
In Spanish, I bet at the end of the year, you had to display some proficiency.
Maybe you had to...
I don't know what your exam is in Spanish,
but I would imagine it displayed proficiency beyond any doubt.
Yeah, it's all in Spanish.
Especially if you're taking Spanish 2, it's your in Spanish. Especially if you're taking, like, Spanish 2,
you know, it's your fourth semester,
second year of Spanish, something like that.
After two semesters of this shit,
like, there was no anything.
Like, the test would literally be, like,
a hand signal, a hand sign,
and then you'd write underneath it
what it was and shit like that.
And, like, there'd be a little group participation,
but if you didn't know it,
you just kind of had to glance out of the corner of your eye and you'd see somebody else doing the sign
before we get to the next ama i had a like a thing about uh languages so in college and i've
mentioned it before the only language you can take in two semesters and finish instead of three was
italian so i took italian and And I took Italian one my sophomore year,
and it sucked, and I hated it.
And so I was like, I am putting this off
until the last possible minute,
and then I'll take Italian two.
And that was a grievous error.
Because I forgot fucking everything.
Everything.
I showed back up two and a half years later into the class
and you know Italian 1
the instructions at least on the test
are in English so it'll say
you know write
or translate this sentence
into Italian or write
a story about this in Italian
or what is the you know dissect this
word in Italian I get Italian 2
and I
foolishly assume of course the instructions
will be in English why wouldn't they I speak
English and I go in
first test and I thought
I was going to be okay I had to turn
no
did we lose him?
it looks like that
so do we want to take turns concluding Taylor's story for him?
Where does the story go from here?
This is like one of those books you got as a kid where you're like,
do you want Taylor to get the test and it's all in Spanish
and he has to turn in a zero?
Flip to page 47.
I'm going to say that he ended up cheating off other people
and made it through Italian 2.
I'm going to guess that he guessed his way through the first test
and didn't do so hot,
but then he toughened up and he did his research and he passed.
Okay.
He either had to get a zero on the first test
or he had to turn the thing over and right on the back
like i i don't speak any italian at all help me it was definitely a zero the first time right
that's awful i can't imagine that that would be so embarrassing that sounds like a nightmare
scenario you know you have those are a literal nightmare scenario the scenario of a nightmare
you know i i still have those dreams and all know, I think everyone has very similar dreams.
Of course, we've all had one maybe where you're flying
or you're somewhere in an awkward position.
Unprepared.
Unpreparedness, I'm sure we all have.
You know, you didn't study for this.
In my scenario sometimes, it's not that I didn't study for the test of the day.
It's like, holy shit, today's midterms and this is my first day in
class like i didn't it the dream will literally be that like i thought there were four periods
but there were five i miss i have been missing the fifth class of the day for fucking a year
and only now do i realize and only now do I have the opportunity to perhaps graduate in spite of this.
And I'm in there like talking to people like, well, what the fuck is this?
What do you do here?
And they can never quite explain what the class even is.
Like I'm trying to cheat and I can't even cheat effectively.
Like I have that dream a lot.
Dude, I have a similar one.
So in college, like your schedule is not booked all the way through.
There's all these gaps.
You might not even have classes some days, et cetera.
And the nightmare is that I just like missed one.
Like, oh my God, all this time, Wednesdays and Fridays at 2.30 p.m.
I was supposed to be here.
Now the school is like four or five weeks in.
I'm hopelessly behind trying some way to salvage a passing grade out
of this thing. And I've got that one. I've got another one sometimes where I really worry about
my mortgage. I don't have a mortgage anymore, but it still gives me this stress. You gave yourself
mortgage PTSD. Yeah, I just like, I got to come up with this. I have one where the situation will vary
but the constant is
that I have a handgun
that I am not strong enough to fire
that's always what it is
I literally
I literally
cannot squeeze the trigger
and in the dream I'll go so far
with the foreknowledge
in the dream I'm thinking to myself with the foreknowledge of you know I'm in my in the dream. I'm thinking myself all right
He's not looking got to get him like I'm being held up by a robber or there's someone there's like it's it's always something like
That and there's a monster. That's all that's the case a lot
It'll be a monster or a demon because I believe in those apparently
And I'll be like all right. Let's fucking get it into fucking double action here so this will be easy let's get as much of that trigger pull taken out of the situation as
possible and then i'll literally double my fingers in and like oh and i cannot and sometimes i'll get
one off and it'll and i'll miss and now the the like giant praying mantis that i was trying to like fucking
kill goes and it sees me and i'm like oh shit i don't know i've got enough juice for two
i have that dream so much i literally cannot fire the gun i don't have the strength you still have
any like crazy reoccurring dreams. I mean
probably like scary dream wise
it's just like something's chasing me
and I have to get away or I have to outsmart
it in some way to get it off my
back but usually when I
dream I'm just like doing something random and
it's cool. I've told this
before but when I was a teenager my house got
robbed like I don't know
14 times or something like that.
What?
Yeah.
And to zip through it, at one point I was sleeping on a downstairs couch and he literally like reached over me, opened my wallet, threw it on another couch.
No.
I think this is why you're so trigger happy with the prospect of home intruders now, by the way.
Well, maybe you're onto something.
When he's ready. In the end, like I heard him coming with the prospect of home intruders now, by the way. Well, maybe you're onto something. When he's ready.
In the end, I heard him coming up the stairs.
Our stairs were really creaky, or the door was creaky.
And I confronted him.
I yelled at him.
He ran away.
And then the police came and everything.
But coming out of that, now I'm like, even though I feel like I was fully brave on game day,
after that,
I'm just like PTSD from it.
You know,
I slept with a knife underneath me.
I had these recurring night terrors where I'd wake up at like drenched in
sweat.
And the thing is,
so the,
the,
the way the nightmare would go is there'd be a door with a light behind it.
So I just have like a silhouette of our robber there.
And,
um,
I need to like confront or
deal with this robber in such a way but i'm asleep so i'm kind of like half paralyzed in this situation
and sleep paralysis yeah i was gonna say that sounds just like sleep paralysis and and so i'm
like struggling to wake up like it's a fight to come out of this sleep paralysis and I'm making some noises.
I'm sweaty. I'm hot. And, and you know,
and I'm just kind of kind of stuck there until eventually I wake up and then
you gather in your surroundings and that's that.
But I had that reoccurring night is called a night terror all the time,
you know, and it would just, it would take like a while,
like 30 seconds, a minute to wake up where I'm in that like sweaty, like, you know, because I'm still asleep.
But in my dream, it manifests itself as being like just paralyzed with fear, you know, unable to move and act.
And yeah, I had that for like a decade.
Taylor's back online.
Yeah, he says there.
Does that mean like
we're still here or can we
see him? He's asking if we're still here.
I think we just need to call.
I'm doing that now.
Call failed. Yeah, that's
a shit.
Normally he rejoins on his own.
Let me see.
I'm trying to think of other scary...
Now, my favorite dream is obviously the lucid dream
where at some point I figure out that,
wait a minute, I'm in the Matrix right now,
asleep in bed, inside my own fucking brain.
I own this brain.
I decide what goes on here.
And literally through like...
Just like in the movies i can remember
once being like i need one of those giant hammers where you hit the thing at the circus and the thing
goes to the top i was like that would hit the spot right now to deal with this fucking asshole and
i'm just like make a giant hammer poop and i had one and i was like holy shit i'm god and just smash
my enemies or fly or like you or go grab some boobs or something
or whatever God version of me does.
It's usually one of those things.
Smash your enemies or grope someone.
Whichever's closest.
If there's an enemy nearby or boobs close by, that's where I'm going to
because the other quality of the lucid dream, at least in my case,
is they're fleeting. Like, once
I figure out that this...
It's like someone pulls
the plug out and the water starts
draining as soon as I realize.
And I'm like, alright, precious little time
here. Honk, honk, let me find
something to fucking kill.
You!
I try to get the most
I can out of those. So, Taylor, you cut off at the point where you were saying you got the test,
you weren't expecting it to be in Italian, and...
Oh, yeah. God, fucking Skype.
So, Italian 1, all the instructions are in English.
I get the first test in Italian 2,
and it'll be a testament to how little i learned in italian too
i fumbled my way through that but like i just looked at the test and the first section was
like or whatever it is and i was like oh oh shit oh no i don't even know what the question is and
so i had to go up to my teacher everybody else is italian too they they all know each other because
they took italian 1 the previous semester,
like someone who's not an idiot would do.
And so I walk in not knowing anything, and I have to go up to the teacher.
You know how there's like a buffer zone of they hand out the test,
and even if you have a question, you go on and continue as much as you can,
and then you get up like 20 minutes later?
I couldn't find a single fucking thing on that test that I could answer.
Like, do I know this question? No.
Do I know qual question? No.
Do I know qual?
That means how many, right? You're weeks into the class, right?
Like, they don't give you a test on your second day of class.
You're like three weeks in or so, right?
Yeah, a couple weeks in.
And I knew I was behind, but the extent to which I was behind was mind-blowing.
Because I thought I could just, like, I just memorized all the vocab words and I'm
like that's enough for a C and I go in and it was not I had to ask her go up to her and be like
Senora Wilson I don't know what this means
I am way behind I am fucking lost I just I just used all of the Italian I know quite frankly, and I don't know where to go from here.
Can I go back to Italian 1 and just do that twice and then get credit for the language? Because that would be the tops.
She looked at me and she goes, like, non so Timoteo. And so like started like explaining to me in slow italian what the italian on the test meant
and it was like no you don't you don't get it i don't know what you are saying can i just like
put my my thumb in your mouth and then listen and so i just had to like trudge back to my seat with
no answer sit down struggled my tits off just it was honestly just like a word uh vomit
of like i remember this is the word for like uh you know the garbage man maybe that's something
you at the end of every test in italian you had there was a question and you had to write a short
story in italian about it only like a couple hundred words and it'd be like, what did you do at the fair today? And every
fucking test, I
started out every sentence
as sometimes it was, you know, you go to the fair, sometimes you go
to the movies, sometimes you go to the sporting event
and every time it was
me and my brother
love
blank. Me and
my brother and my dad
and my mom and my sister and my uncle and my grandpa and my grandma all go to the film.
We love film.
No, no, no.
I still remember.
Mi piace something.
You know?
And that's what every one of them was.
And like the seventh, because there were like ten tests in this class
because they were average size.
And by like the eighth one, she was
like, Timoteo, you're
that was my Italian name.
Why would you do Matthew?
But anyway. Yeah, Timoteo,
all of your stories are
very similar.
I was like, well, yeah, but, you know, in Italy, it's very family-based,
so everybody's in on the show every time.
So it was really just about a sentence of new material every time at the end.
It was like I was a stand-up who was really big in 1984,
and I was milking the same shit up into the early 2000s.
It was humiliating.
Humiliating to be that bad at something and be that guy in the class
raising his hand,
because that's the way I passed,
is every day I would raise my hand
for like five questions
just to show like I'm engaged,
I'm really fucking trying here.
And yeah, it sucked.
It sucked.
And that's how you passed,
just by being the best student that you could be,
which was not very good, but...
If you put in the effort, and your teacher
knows you put in the effort,
they will do everything they can to help you.
Absolutely they will. Like, I showed up
to office hours when nobody else would,
just trying to show, like, you know,
I'm doing these extra workbook assignments
poorly, but I'm doing it.
You know, I'm trying.
Yeah, that's a college tip. Just, even if you
suck at it, make sure your teacher
knows that you are engaged.
Even if that means being the guy who asks, like,
leading questions of, like, you know,
something you know they're interested in.
Like, tell us again about your time in Spain,
senora. Like, nonsense.
Dude, my college tip is the
CLEP exam. Like, I...
Not to be an arrogant douchebag about it, but you have to be a little smart.
Or at least the best version of you.
If you have any kind of cognitive horsepower at all, well, you can turn it on for just a couple of weeks, maybe two of them, and study. Like I needed a year worth of biology to graduate.
and study like i needed a year worth of biology to graduate it's the college level efficient uh not efficiency uh equivalency program or something like that and um basically you take a test and i
got out of a year of biology i bought the textbook that they used for the class and i read the whole
textbook something you rarely do at least i rarely did a normal class i read the whole textbook, something you rarely do. At least I rarely did in normal class. I read the whole textbook.
I had some like CLEP study guide that would like tell me what,
like you really needed to know what the cell was.
You really needed to know what this was.
Well, you know, you need mitochondria, powerhouse of the cell.
Like you need to know that bullshit, right?
And I knew enough that in two weeks I could pass the end of year biology course and it saved me like $1,500
and a whole year of studying. And I'm like, you know, dude, that's, that's the bomb.
Totally worth it.
Yeah. And, and I have since never used biology. Like it's just not something computer programmers
or accountants need. And, uh, I don't regret it one bit. It it was it was a great use of my time they did figure out
how to clip yeah clip something you'll you'll be happy you did yep i did that with math worked did
you how did that work uh i didn't want to have to take math in college and so they were like hey if
you think you're good enough at math to test out of whatever college algebra and whatever was after that, like discrete statistics or whatever it was, just take this test and you'll be fine.
And so it was really fucking easy.
And I just – I didn't ever have to take a math class again.
I had something similar.
Except for like finance classes, but I don't consider that math.
For the very lowest level, right?
And they were like, look, if you want to get out of college Algebra 1, you can take that.
But I'll advise you,
college Algebra 1 is a little different than
high school Algebra 1. And even if you
do pass this test, you might struggle
with college Algebra 2.
So I was like, I'll just take it.
If I was super
strong, I might have changed my mind.
What were you going to say, Kyle?
I was going to say, either we could close the show or
we could watch this YouTube music
advertisement that I got on Hulu that surprised me a little.
Am I going to get a copyright strike
from the automated music stuff?
I don't see how you could because it's a YouTube commercial
for YouTube music. You know what I mean?
Is that risky to put songs on?
I don't know.
Yeah, they have these automated algorithms that catch songs.
They're particularly good at it.
Okay. Maybe we'll do it on BKM.
Because it starts out with a guy, and then he's transgendered, I guess.
So about halfway through it, he gets home and dresses up as a girl in a skirt and a bra and a see-through number and a wig and does his makeup and then goes out.
Sounds like a good one.
We could risk it or we could do it on PKN.
Yeah, maybe so.
Maybe we'll save it for that.
Because they've got a couple of them that are kind of out there like that.
It's not that it's out there.
It's just like, all right, so this affects like 1 percent of the population if that like it's attention grabbing yeah it well
it seems like it grabbed the wrong kind of attention based on the comments and the fucking
ratings nobody seemed to care for and then the other one there is a white girl with an undershave
um picking up garbage on the side of the road she's a convict what's an undershave uh it's
where she like
shaves the sides but it's long like hanging over oh and then you pull up in a ponytail and it kind
of and so at the end she gets done with her like fucking convict garbage picking up duty and she
goes and hangs out with her daughter and her baby mama or her baby's daddy you know it's just like
wait a minute is this a commercial that you're saying that youtube music is good for cons like yeah hop into some youtube music while you pick up trash on the
roadside before you go hang out are they drawing an equivalency between a cross dresser and a convict
um there's like four or five of these commercials and they're in one way or another they all seem
a little like they're all a little off all right so another one there's just a girl sitting clearly
alone on a flight and it's it's an international flight so because she's like sitting in that
center aisle thing that like domestic flights don't usually seem to have she's sitting there
with her like knees pulled up like in the chair and she's sobbing quietly to herself
that's the whole commercial she kind of around. It becomes clear that none of
these people are with her. She sobs silently to herself, then starts playing a song and sobs some
more as she listens to the music. I don't know what these ads are. They make me feel terrible
or unsettling. It's not that I'm not transphobic, but when that guy randomly in the middle of the
commercial just started dressing like
a girl in some sexy, provocative
stuff and then completely gets made
up and goes out, I'm just like,
I didn't see that coming.
I'm certainly not focused on YouTube music
right now. I'm just, who's coming up with
these bizarre commercials?
Then again, we're talking about it.
Even if it's negative attention, there's still
really weird platform launch. then again we're talking about it even if it's negative attention they're still
pretty it's really weird platform launch i did a little more investigation and apparently you
can't even use that you have to like have your phone unlocked and the app open and running for
it to even work and it's a music app like who doesn't want to like lock their phone put it in
their pocket and go and that's what they show people doing, like that convict. You think that convict can be having her phone
open and unlocked at work?
Wait, this is YouTube Red?
I mean, in jail?
What?
Were we talking about YouTube Red?
No, YouTube Music.
It's new.
Yeah.
I see.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I had no problem with the content of the commercial.
It just seemed odd, you know?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, YouTube Red is pretty,
like one of the things that youtube red
lets you do that you can't do with the like normal youtube app is uh change it and still play the
video like like you know now if you want to watch pka for example without youtube red you just have
to like keep that in the foreground but you could like switch over and read reddit while pka plays
in the background with youtube red which is is, I think, one of the things
people like most about it.
I think I may have actually read, to be fair,
that if you have YouTube Red,
then you can do what we were just discussing,
that everyone wants to do with their music.
But it's just
another barrier to get you there, and there's so many services
where you just fucking plug and play and go.
Is music free?
This says to download for free.
I know some places where music is free.
Let's just say that.
So I'm not...
It would be like...
I don't know.
What's free right now?
What's the incentive for this
over Spotify or Pandora?
Yeah, that's what I'm getting at.
Especially if I can't put it in my pocket
when I go to the gym or ride my bike.
There's not a lot of
reason for me to be like, yeah, let's do this. I think
it's maybe for desktop use?
Maybe it just made YouTube Red better.
Right? So if you just
have it as a music app and it
sucks because you can't lock it and continue to listen to music,
that's a thing. But if you were a YouTube
Red person already and now this
music service comes along and it does all the
things that Spotify did you save
yourself 10 bucks a month
it's true
I don't like music very much
I'm having a hard time
so I've been driving a lot lately you know
tying into the whole paramotor thing
and you got XM serious yet
I guess the phone
would be a good player but no
but I was gonna say the paramotor thing and taking my daughter to see colleges it feels like I guess the phone would be a good player, but no.
But as I was going to say, the paramotor thing and taking my daughter to see colleges,
it feels like a couple times a week we're making these four-hour drive days or six-hour drive days.
And I've just run out of songs to like.
It's hard to like new music in my truck because it's so loud.
Oh, talk radio would help i don't
listen to any music as i drive around i only listen to podcasts and talk podcasts help i feel
like yeah i mean if nothing else i feel like i don't it's not like i'm getting an education when
i listen to the howard stern show but i am getting more of an education than i ever would listening
to the same old songs over and over just the radio you know I'm getting current events I'm I'm getting it you know it's it's entertaining and
I listen to a lot of news and uh mostly talk radio almost exclusively I it's so so rare that
I flip over to my other set of presets that have actual music on them uh it's almost always news or talk. Out of curiosity,
what podcast do you guys listen to
when you're, you know,
just hanging out again and again?
Only to your
and only your sections.
This sucks. If you guys start talking,
I fast forward.
I'm a Joe Rogan experience
person. I like him a lot.
If I fly, I make sure that I download his podcast because they're pretty long.
This one as well.
No lie.
I have you guys downloaded onto my phone.
Awesome.
So listen to you guys on the plane too.
I used to listen to more and kind of explore.
I like to listen to like Bill Burr's podcast or just.
I like Rogan if he has the right guest uh a lot of times i'm just not interested in it i like the fight stuff more than most of
the other stuff um did midnight freeze for you guys yeah she froze oh yeah and um uh bill burr
i wore out with him i i his inability to to flow through a topic in a straight line is something I value, and he doesn't have it.
I like that.
I love it so much.
I was listening the other night.
I wish I could remember the tangent he went off because he started on one thing.
He was talking about something he had done in his day.
He's like, you know, I went here, and I went there, and then this thing happened.
Let me tell you about that thing.
And he goes on this whole thing that ends up talking about the banks.
And, you know, I was just like laughing.
I don't care.
You know, he sort of teased me at the beginning maybe.
Like, let me tell you what happened to the dry cleaners.
And by the time he gets to the dry cleaners,
it was much more entertaining for him to tell me about his car trouble
than what happened at the dry cleaners.
It's about the
journey not the trip i guess but the destination oftentimes when i listen to bill burr there's a
particular topic like i'm invested in you know he once talked about i think he saw his first ufc
fight not too long ago it might have been the one that we saw at the movies i forget and he told the
story so well you know all the way from the like bruce buffer does the announcements
and he's like oh my god like this guy kills it with you now i've been introduced on stage
like 10 000 times in my life and they just say hey this is bill burr he's from boston he's got
red hair give him a hand everyone he's like but no you know bruce buffer takes it next level he's jumping he's this the whole
crowd is like excited on another level and he tells the ufc experience story like amazing so
i got hooked on his like you know hey i saw another event this is what it's like and then
he just goes like yeah yeah and then oh by the way this guy had a tattoo. The tattoo was of a sword. And I'm like, no, what?
Fuck.
Fuck.
Like, you changed topic.
You interrupted yourself.
And I really wanted to hear what you had to say.
I empathize with that because I often do the same thing.
I like it, though.
I have my own story, and then, like, something else catches me,
and it's like, oh, now we're going this way.
And then I forget what I was talking about.
I like that. talking i like that but
i feel like that's my brain the creative part of my brain will sometimes open up if if i have it
start telling a story it's like it starts coming it's like i allow it to do things in the background
and it starts coming up with some other shit and i want to jump on that other shit that it's
fabricated i was i was talking to somebody the other night and like went on this fucking long rant about japanese prison camps or something and and how you wouldn't want to be the
tall american in there i was like i i was sorry i was like can you imagine if i was in one of those
you'd just be fucking scared the whole time rolling up in there i'm six foot two fucking
tojo over there's five foot three with the world's biggest inferiority complex. Not to mention he's got a 600-year-old katana on his side.
And he's looking for a head to lop.
Whose head do you think he's going to lop first?
It's me.
It's me.
He already got Popsie.
He got Sticky.
He got Moe with the squinty eye.
I'm next.
I'm the next tallest guy.
Like, you'd just be living in fear every day.
Yes.
Hey, Ashley.
Welcome back. Am I back? I had to call back in. I living in fear every day. Yes. Hey, Ashley. Welcome back.
Am I back? I had to call back in.
I don't have your camera. Yeah, I had to
call back in on my phone. My
internet actually literally just
went out, and it never goes out.
Alright. Well, I tell you what. We're
pretty much done with the show anyway. Let me read
this last ad. Then you can tell everyone
how they can best reach you, and then we'll call it a night.
For sure. I'm sorry my
cam's not working for that part, but yeah,
I'm resetting the router now, but it's...
I don't think it's gonna work.
No worries. Yeah, uh, thanks again
to Loot Crate, the monthly subscription box for geeks,
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Boom! Nailed it!
There it is. Tell them where they can find
everything that is you. YouTube and
Twitter and Facebook. Oh yeah,
I got all that. Twitter and
twitch.tv link is OpticMidnight
no spaces, and then YouTube
is youtube.com slash midnight.
I play video games.
I have fun.
It's usually a good time.
And, yeah, I just thank you guys so much for having me on.
The third is a hat trick, right?
Is that?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Okay.
This is the hat trick episode.
Very nice.
So thank you guys so much for having me back.
And it's always fun talking to you.
And I'll be keeping an ear in on the podcast too when i fly and all that i'll be listening
to you guys thank you thanks for coming on no problem 293 in the books thanks again guys i'll
talk to you later