Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #330
Episode Date: April 21, 2017This week on PKA, Anthony Cumia is back! And the guys talk about Anthony's driving record, Taylor's insane work out and watch some entertaining videos. A classic episode! ...
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PKA episode 330.
Our guest will be Anthony Acrumia.
He's coming in about an hour into the show.
We'll see how that works.
Kyle?
Several sponsors tonight.
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Nailed it.
Nice.
It's a good ad read.
Coordination right there.
Sound effects.
A whole new level of production in our ad reads this time um first
topic the uh the swatting gamer thing yeah i uh i caught that on reddit this morning i read like
the the high points of it but uh i'm glad to see that that somebody's getting punished for this
finally god look at his face oh fuck poor guy it's yeah there's oh wow poor fucking guy geez he didn't deserve this
no he um what do you do teabag somebody online like that that's literally what we're talking
about if did you go to the uh are you watching the video i paused it yeah i'm gonna see if i
can play the video for the people i haven't actually watched the video in advance so yeah for those who don't know what swatting is it's when you falsely report some
sort of hostage situation or terrorism or a bomb threat on another person you say hey bill is over
there holding his family hostage you should do something or something the likes of that and what
you get is a swat team to literally you literally crash into the person that you dislike's home.
Oftentimes SWAT teams don't
play no shit.
They roll in there like the military and rough people
up and in this case, this guy got hurt
pretty bad. Went about as bad as it could go.
Well, almost as bad as it could go.
He lived. Yeah, he could have died.
Yeah, so I'm
just fixing Kyle's overlay
and then I'll jump in.
The guy who did the SWatting was British, which historically, you know, of course, you can't speak in these generalities without being wrong, at least some of the time.
But British swatters considered themselves immune to repercussions.
Right. There's this general like, fuck you, I'm not even American thing going on.
And they're going through Skype, which many people consider to be a huge mask of anonymity.
Yeah, that's a common thing, Skype.
I could give SWAT lessons, really.
That's what he did in this case.
They set an internet calling program, and I defaulted to Skype in my head.
That's probably a good guess.
Why don't we call their local constabulary and have them send whatever they do?
You know, some guy with a cup of tea and a soft baton.
A little rap on the door with a baton.
Excuse me, sir, I know that it's almost tea time, but if it's not too much bother, could you produce all the members of your family?
Sir, we've been led to believe there's a bit of mischief going on in there.
Can't open?
No, no?
All right, we'll call the real cops then.
How would you like that?
One with guns.
I'm going to raise my boy.
So let's lay this out.
Based on this article, one streamer asked this guy to swat a different streamer, right?
I don't have all the names in
front of me the victim his name is Robert McDade I think that's the guy I
don't know what his online name is and wait a minute no Robert McDade is the
bad guy he's the swatter and mr. Dobbs is the victim here and one streamer told
McDade to call this like terrorism hotline SWAT
thing and go to the guy's house
and SWAT him they said that he was
holding I think three women hostage
and let me see if I can
get the details on what they
said yeah I know that like
when the SWAT team came
in I think they were met by this guy's
parents or family members
they told the SWAT team that he's upstairs asleep in bed.
There are no hostages.
Now, go ahead.
Let me finish because there's two sides of that story.
Yeah, the police say that they went to like the owner of, let's read this.
Let's lay it out there here.
I'll go first and see if I can read.
All right. owner of let's read this let's let's lay it out there here i'll go first and see if i can read um all right the hcpd i guess howard county police department statement from the swatting case
the case in which tyron dobbs was victimized in a swatting incident is still being actively
investigated both internally and criminally to find the person responsible for the fake call to
the authorities.
While we cannot provide an interview while the cases remain open,
I am happy to provide you with information on this incident and our experience with swatting cases in general.
Dobbs case.
In the case of Tyron Dobbs,
a man called authorities claiming to be Mr. Dobbs.
He advised that he had three hostages, a loaded gun,
several explosive devices, and was demanding $15,000.
He provided a specific address and advised he would execute the first hostage in 15 minutes if his demands were not immediately met.
Police responded to the scene and determined Tyrone Dobbs was, in fact, inside the residence with three females.
They contacted the leaseholder for the apartment, who advised that he is Mr. Dobbs' father.
They contacted the leaseholder for the apartment who advised that he is Mr.
Dobbs father.
According to police reports from a Lieutenant on scene,
his father advised that there was a gun in the apartment and that he couldn't be sure whether or not they were credible threats from his son.
Weird,
right?
But dad's like,
yeah,
I don't know.
He might be holding him hostage.
What a shitty dad.
Hang on.
Can we save your place?
And we got to go around.
Who's dad here?
If the authorities
were like we're about to go in there and get him
we heard he's got hostages
whose dad here would be like it's possible
none I don't believe the cops
my dad would be like he absolutely does
not like bombs guns maybe
probably
but no hostages
there may be three women in his bedroom
you have to believe that your dad
would take your side and give you some plausible denial.
Like if I was tying up three women and I had a gun in my bedroom and he like burst in the door as I was doing it,
even then I think that as a father he'd try and be like, oh, you guys just be safe, you know,
and close the door and just pretend there was some tantric sex thing.
Like, no, your dad's going to have your back and say, say no of course my son isn't about to murder people for 15 grand 15 grand that's the number
the police just shot a guy between the eyes right fortunately he lives somehow and now this is their
side of the story i think i mean as soon as i read that like the dad said they might be credible i'm
like i don't think that's an accurate quote i mean my assumption
is the police are lying to their teeth i think also the uh between the is there any possibility
that your son might be in there with bombs explosives guns or holding women hostage and
the guy's like well i don't know i haven't been up to his room in the last 30 minutes but
i imagine that scenario maybe usually Usually he's playing Starcraft.
Yeah, he shot up with a fucking beanbag.
And I've got a lot of experience with those beanbags.
I've never been shot by one because I'm a moron.
I intended to shoot my friend with one once,
but we didn't have any handy for the video,
so I shot him with these round rubber balls.
But they hit so goddamn hard.
When you shoot like a mannequin with them,
they just plow right through it.
They just make a hole and keep going They were shooting these beanbags
Or it wasn't clear to me. I didn't realize they weren't bullets
beanbags
They didn't specify that in the video and when I watched the video my honest first thought when it said shot between the eyes
And I saw the wound on his nose
I was like that is bullshit if a bullet grazes your nose just because it's between your
eyes does not mean that you were shot between the eyes and the jury will agree like that is the kind
of thing i thought but yeah beanbag that makes a lot more sense because both of his eyes are
bruised as fuck his nose is destroyed like i've heard it said and i've heard that i've heard it
said that a beanbag is like a heavyweight boxer hitting you with all of his might.
But I don't know if you can really.
In that big a spot, right?
I bet it's even harder than that.
I bet it is too.
I've shot a lot of stuff with them.
It's a devastating impact.
It dents the fuck out of a car.
It breaks car windows out.
It goes through mannequins.
I don't know what.
It'd blow a piece of fruit up.
It's a serious fucking impact.
That'll be the next after the Mayweather fight.
And just so you know, it's not beans in there.
Some of us from preschool maybe have some experience with actual bean bags,
or maybe you've ever played that game Cornhole where you throw the actual bean bags.
That is not what we're talking about.
It's a pouch full of lead shot, the same lead shot little BBs that are in shotgun shells,
and it has a tail on it of cloth, and that tail acts as a stabilizer as it flies and so you've
got like a little pouch of heavy lead shot that's crushed together so tightly that it leaves imprints
you know on the cloth and stuff and that is fucking hitting you it's it's keeping it from
penetrating you but it's hitting you so goddamn hard so goddamn all right man so police responded
to the scene oh i'm sorry i read that
negotiators made contact with the woman inside the apartment who was able to exit with her child
they were immediately transported away from the scene from this for their safety and to be
interviewed the third female believed to be his girlfriend remained inside mr dobbs was initially
seen by officers crawling on the floor in front of a sliding glass door.
He then came to the open slider twice, and both times police repeatedly directed him to come out and show his hands.
Mr. Dobbs did not comply and walked back into the apartment.
The third time he walked to the glass slider, Mr. Dobbs was given the same direction by officers,
but kept his hand inside the lower front of his shirt.
Before he could again walk toward the bedroom, where a woman may be hostage was still inside he was struck with two non-lethal rubber rounds to
prevent him from retreating back inside the apartment those are worse those are worse than
what i described the rubber so so i'm guessing here i'm just guessing but i i have some experience
with this too because like at shot show you, you go vendor to vendor, and everybody's always got these less lethal things.
And I've sat through a bunch of pitches.
They make these 37 and 40 millimeter launchers, and they come in a variety of setups.
But the coolest, of course, is the one that looks like – if you remember Terminator 2 – I know you don't in the Cyberdyne, and he's got the tear gas canister launcher that's like a revolver, and every time he shoots it, it shoots a 40mm tear gas.
It's that kind of launcher, but it's shooting a rubber projectile.
I wish I had one of my grenade launchers down here.
But 40mm is about that big around, like two and a half inches or so.
It's a big thumper that they shot this guy with.
It's a noob tube rubber round. Yeah. It's a noob tube rubber round.
Yeah, it's a noob tube rubber round.
So Mr. Dobbs was struck in the torso
and started to fall forward.
A second round was also intended for his torso,
hit him in the face as he was falling to the ground.
The doctor, who was part of the county's
tactical response team, was on scene
and rendered immediate aid before Mr. Dobbs
was transported to
the hospital. In a consent search of residents, officers located a small quantity of drugs.
This is relevant because after interviewing all the parties involved, it was clear the people
inside the apartment believed the drugs were the reason the police were at the resident.
They were not aware of the alleged hostage situation. It was determined that this was a
swatting incident. Investigators believe that Mr. Dobbs, who has been cooperative with the police, was targeted by an online gamer.
This investigation has led detectives to work with the FBI and Interpol as it appears the case may
have ties to the UK. And then there's more, and this part I thought was really relevant.
This case is an example of why swatting is so serious and dangerous.
Police respond to the scene for a hostage taker.
And when they arrived, the situation appeared to corroborate specific factual details provided by the caller.
Mr. Dobbs repeatedly refused to come out of the residence.
It further raised questions of the officers that this could be a legitimately dangerous situation for the woman inside.
This is the fourth swatting incident in Howard County in the last year. Each of the other cases
was resolved without incident when the police made phone contact with the occupants who complied with
the officer's request to exit the residence. In those cases, with the residence cooperation,
police were able to make immediate confirmation of the false report.
Like all law enforcement agencies,
we must take the threat of a hostage situation seriously
and respond with the appropriate resources
until the situation is resolved.
The goal is always to protect the safety of those involved,
victims, suspects, and officers.
That's why our officers use non-lethal weapons
whenever possible, given the circumstances.
And then it just gives some status and safety tips.
We can read that if you like.
But when I read it initially,
cops bust in, shoot the guy in the face, et cetera.
I was like, oh my gosh.
One, these cops fucked up bad.
Stop playing war.
Two, this guy's about to be rich.
When you read the cop's statement,
and I know how much of it I'm supposed to believe,
I'm like, ah, they weren't completely unreasonable in this thing.
You know, if it's true that he ignored their first two requests to get out,
and then, like, on the third time, had his hand down at, like, the front third of his shirt.
What is that, right?
And we see it all the time with these guys who don't want to show their hands
or, like, grabbing at their waistband to keep their pants up if my cock falls out it
will not keep my hands from being up here if we're in a showdown right like we've seen i've seen
enough clint eastwood movies to know that it takes just a twitch to make that guy fucking draw right
like he's waiting on you to act he's waiting on this he's waiting on any aggressive movement you need to be like hey
hey hey it's just what what do you need from me like they are upside down cartwheels backwards
crawling like what is it because i'm i'm docile and compliant motherfucker big mistake here
yeah there's some yeah fuck the bitches in there they're yours like no no but but you take them
hostage they're yours you You want them. Yeah.
Like you said, you know, I don't know what's true, right?
Because it also doesn't seem reasonable that this guy suddenly went all gang.
He's an online Twitch streamer, right?
That's not to me.
Sounds confused.
He was sleeping.
He's an online Twitch streamer and and what he ignored their requests
twice the women knew to get out what what was going on in his head there you know like what
was the request do they identify themselves what's what right maybe he was i mean like i
don't disparage this guy at all maybe he's stoned and like asleep and stuff and like they wake him
out up and there's noises and he's's trying to see if it's even real
or if Vitaly Z is in the bushes out there
with a spotlight.
He is an online guy.
Maybe it's a prank.
Maybe I'm being punked here.
The first time I was swatted,
I could have complied better.
I didn't realize they were cops.
When they identified themselves as cops,
everything changed you know
they would like put the weapon down with the police and i did uh but when i first saw men
dressed in black hiding in bushes and trees in my yard i didn't immediately just go to the yeah
banditos right like i don't know but uh i didn't think they were cops hiding in my yard like that
that's reasonable you wouldn't anticipate it.
When you think of someone getting swatted,
you think of them walking up like a Roman phalanx
where they're walking up with their shield
and they're all ready,
not like a couple of guys in the bushes peering at you.
The me of today would be more hip to the swat possibility, right?
Especially if I just finished streaming
or was currently streaming.
Yeah, I get that.
Every time the doorbell rings during a stream, I'm like, ah, some asshole ordered a pizza or something.
Honey, raise the white flag, quick!
Right?
But back then, you know, I wasn't the first guy to get swatted or anything, but it certainly wasn't what it is now.
And I didn't know.
So anyway, this guy, I feel like, should have known.
He just finished streaming.
I didn't know.
So anyway, this guy, I feel like, should have known.
He just finished streaming.
Both the girls, the two, I guess they said three women,
but then it seemed like it was a mom and a daughter.
One of them was a mom and a daughter and then a girlfriend.
Maybe I zoned out on a bit of it.
I thought that the report was he had three hostages,
but in actuality, his girlfriend was in the room with him,
and that was that. I know there was a mom and a kid and that okay filled out the other three
and uh but yeah so the mom and the kid got out it makes me think like everyone should be hip to the
notion that there's a situation here if it was hideous weed if it was if he was actually like
doing what they said where he did that shitty thing where you walk out with your hand like
ambiguously under your shirt
near where you'd keep a gun,
then yeah, you probably deserve to get popped with one.
And the whole
going to the window
over and over, I don't know how much of that
to believe because I could totally picture
the cops being like,
well, he came up and then he didn't come out immediately
and so we blasted him and someone's like,
whoa, that was the third time he came up oh yes it was the third time that
there's a private Johnson already you're you're going places like I could see
that happening but at the end of the day it's like I don't I don't understand the
mentality of people who aren't more afraid of cops where like when shit goes down like if cops came to
my door and they were like you've got we know you've got black tar heroin in your bathtub right
now i'd be like you're more than welcome to come in and check it out and if i have any i'm happy to
share but but just like i i would my response would never be anything but unmitigated like cooperation because I would just have in my head the image of like my face on the news the next day and then myself on this show saying, what a jackass.
You should have just fucking just been more – but at the same time, this is shitty.
Like the whole swatting thing, you can't sweep that under the rug.
This is incredibly dangerous.
You can't sweep that under the rug.
This is incredibly dangerous.
I've been in two or three scenarios where I needed to hand a weapon over to a cop or an officer of some kind,
and they were nervous about it, and they had their hand on their own gun.
And it was just like, hey, I'm here to give you my gun and make sure we're all on the same team.
This is for you.
I've done that.
I hear stories, and of course there's that famous thing in Reservoir Dogs.
Those cops are having that little talk in the bathroom, and he's talking about the situation of pulling a guy over,
and the guy keeps reaching for the glove box.
And I am anti that guy.
I got pulled over by this female state patrol officer in Washington State one time,
and she asked for my information and insurance and such.
And I was like, it's in the glove box.
It's in there with my handgun.
I was like, is it okay if I reach in there with the handgun and get it she's like oh i got one too she's like she's like go go for it but still i went i like maintained eye contact with
her and was like okay we're gonna set this over here yeah i've done the same thing so thank you
in north carolina you're not supposed to say i have a gun right apparently that makes people
nervous what you're supposed to do is, I have a gun, right? Apparently, that makes people nervous.
What you're supposed to do is hand over your license and your concealed carry permit, which is what I do, of course.
And, you know, the cop looks at it, you know, whatever, eyeballs it all slideways.
And he's like, you got a gun on you?
And I was like, it's in the truck.
And he's like, where is it?
My hand's on the wheel.
Like, I'm going to point with my elbow.
You know?
That's how I do it. And he should feel like, you know, he knows what the scoop is. I'm not to point with my elbow. You know? That's how I do it.
And he should feel like he knows what the scoop is.
I'm not reaching for a gun.
That elbow point to me.
Oh, it's right here.
Yeah, it sends the message.
Like, yeah, that shit's right here.
And he's like, all right, now we know.
And yeah, and just cooperate. This guy, according to the police, didn't cooperate.
But this is the police statement.
The cops might be lying on this guy. We've seen them do it before when they
kicked that guy in the street. I guarantee
the reports did not indicate that
they kicked him in the street. They were like, oh yeah, he put up
a fight and he resisted and Officer Jones
had to subdue him with
advanced tactical techniques
aka giving him the
boots. We've seen the police
battle cry of stop resisting on tape
a hundred times right fuckers not resisting come on mike yeah and they're just stop resisting it's
the it's the blue battle cry man it did so when i read this thing the other day because i don't
think i'd ever seen it as a fucking adult because like i was seven or something when that shit
happened nine or ten or something.
And I guess I'd seen clips of it over the years.
You know, it's like, oh, it's been 10 years since the Rodney King beating or whatever.
But I watched the whole fucking thing.
God damn, that's rough.
And I started reading into it.
And I guess there's two sides to that story.
He was high on something and like not obeying their commands.
And but but instead of like, I don't know, pushing him over because he was high and like out of it. commands and but but instead of like i don't know pushing him
over because he was high and like out of it they just kept like whooping him like they beat him to
the point that he was no longer capable of following command they did well it was like
yeah beat them until it's like now stand up and get in the car oh you're resisting by not standing
up you concussed asshole ah three more raps for you. He had affirmative brain damage, I think, right?
Rodney King? He was never the same guy again.
He's dead now.
I know he had
lasting injuries after that, and I remember
him wanting
everybody... What did he say?
Can't we all just get along or something like that?
I think he had
real brain damage. I'm not talking about...
He had lasting trauma afterwards, I remember like i slurred speech and like like no joke damage i don't know about that i know
that that white truck driver got pulled out in la riots he he got some lasting effects remember
that guy who got bricked dude i remember his case did ronnie kington that's the trouble every time
but i mean if you get beaten to the head a lot
like that can facilitate addiction problems mental disease like all sorts of things so it's not like
he was high when they pulled him over you know he was fleeing arrest but but what they i mean i'm not
defending the rodney king beaters although they did they were interested in the court of law
they were weren't they yeah that's because LA riots. I forgot for a second.
Ah, no, he drowned in a pool.
The LA riots.
Do you remember when all those, I'm going to say Vietnamese, but I don't know, maybe
Korean shopkeepers were out there looking badass with mustaches, cigarettes, and firearms?
You know the reason why they were being targeted?
The same, within three or four days of those cops being released on that thing, a Korean
shopkeeper shot a black woman in the back of the head completely unjustifiably.
There's like CC footage of it, and basically what happens is there's a bit of an argument,
the black girl has some chips or something like that, they're arguing, disputing over
the purchase of them them and in the end
she takes the chips and throws them on the counter
and goes to storm out of the store
and the Korean lady draws
down on her and shoots her in the back of the head before she
can take another step and just kills her right there
and that Korean lady got off
scot-free. So that
played into it as well.
Jesus. How did she get off scot-free?
I don't know, but I know it happened.
Oh, no, maybe it wasn't scot-free.
She didn't do time.
It was like some bullshit slap on the wrist or something like that.
I remember this is the same event where you saw the Korean store owners
up on the roof of their shops with rifles
because they're like,
don't you fucking come in here and steal my shit like this video of blasting and they're like like it looks like something out
of walking dead the way rickled walk and start shooting with one hand but it's a korean shop
keeper with like a mustache and like some shorts on and he's just walking through a parking lot
bang bang bang and another guy's running up to a car with a rifle you don't see they're shooting at
you know what i'm fine with business owners doing that in a riot.
You know, get up on your roof, get a gun.
Not even like business owners.
If you're the manager of a Best Buy
and you want to get up on top of that big yellow thing
and protect your Best Buy.
Maybe you just really like the food served at this place.
You can get on top and protect it yourself.
Maybe you're just a loyal customer.
There's Reginald Denny thing, the guy that...
He defends someone else's business. There's Reginald Denny thing, the guy with the brick. He defends someone else's business.
There's Reginald Denny thing.
I know I've talked about this before,
but it blows my mind.
So if you don't know,
during the riots,
there was a white guy.
He was a truck driver
and he's driving through the riots.
He wasn't hurting people.
He wasn't running anyone over.
They kind of surrounded the truck
and he stopped.
They pulled him out of the truck,
presumably for being white.
They beat him and then this guy threw a brick at his head hit him and then started dancing around and it was
you know as savage as any of the things that provoke the the the riot in the first place yeah
so the prosecutors got overzealous and they charged this guy with attempted murder now the
way it works and taylor might know more about this than me, but I think you can
charge people with like six things and kind of let the jury decide.
Or you can do what this guy did and kind of twist the screws and be like, you either find
him with attempted murder or you let him walk.
And they let him walk.
And the reasoning was this.
They're like, attempted murder is when you try to kill a guy, right?
the reasoning was this.
They're like,
attempted murder is when you try to kill a guy, right?
This was actually like felony assault because they hit him with a brick
and what saved his bacon was he started dancing.
He did a celebratory dance.
And they're like,
it's not attempted murder
because if he was trying to kill the guy,
he wouldn't have started dancing.
He'd have hit him again.
He'd have hit him again.
So he literally walked uh just like i guess
everyone else if i walk up and shoot you in the foot and then drop the gun and laugh and run away
like it's not attempted murder right that would be felony assault with a deadly weapon or something
like that i blew a toe off like uh uh what was that fucking movie uh judge roy bean like i i go judge roy Bean mode and I blow your goddamn toe off like felony assault with a deadly weapon
Yeah, and as long as they did something that I'll be out
Yeah, if you actually died in this case the man didn't die right yeah
And it didn't seem like you tried to kill if he actually died it might have been a homicide
Because he didn't intend for the man to die.
It's probably manslaughter and some other shit,
but we're talking out of time.
You know what?
We really ought to get Cliff in on this.
Third-degree murder, right?
Because manslaughter is unintentional,
and he clearly intended to hit him with the brick.
Hmm.
That's a good point.
And so it wouldn't be...
Unless they went back to his apartment
and found like string and push pins
with like a brick
and then like question marks on the truck,
like then you couldn't say it was first degree.
Lots of gummies that he practiced on.
I think Mr. Hutchinson is right in this regard.
He's got a workout system
that involves throwing bricks,
like just one arm on a Bowflex all day and videos of him doing it.
Then we know.
He pioneered the kettlebell workout.
Just one, though.
Just one.
The overhand right.
The overhand heave.
That's fucked, man.
The world is all messed up, right?
This poor streaming kid getting shot in the face by some military guys in black costumes in the night.
And we have to wonder
whose fault was it really?
Yeah, it's clearly the person, you know who's
most at fault is the person who called
in this bullshit threat. That's who's
most at fault. Like, the cops did some bad
stuff potentially, this guy didn't handle it as well
as he could, but none of it would have happened if that
You say that now, but we don't know what the
British man did to get this, right?
We don't know what the British man who get this right we don't know what this the guy the british man who got shot we don't know what he did to to bring about all
the american guys let me jump in we do know stuff that another streamer a competitor or
disliker of the of the victim told the british guy to do it and i think supplied him with his
details so he's just envious well that well that's not funny at all. I was gonna suggest a scenario when, like, Taylor,
what if he deleted your whole
Magic the Gathering card collection?
Just delete it. Swatting
time!
I would go straight to the brick.
I wonder how guilty
is the guy that told the guy to do it.
You know, like, if Kyle tells
me to murder his
whatever, neighbor,
how guilty is Kyle for the murder i committed i i think it's gonna come down to like if that guy yeah that guy's
probably he's in some way i hope everybody who did wrong pays uh pays for this though because
it's such a horrible thing the whole swatting thing it's so reckless you don't know what you're
doing to them that's the worst part about it to me is like if you threw a brick through the guy's window
we know the the cost of that right now he's got to buy a new window haha you know but if you send
a swat team you might kill his whole family you might kill women and children his dogs might be
killed he might be killed strangers walking down the street might be killed. He might be killed. Strangers walking down the street might be killed. Who knows what? An officer might get killed.
Anyone that you're involving in this, their life is now at risk.
And not just a little bit.
Like, you're creating a Mexican standoff.
You're creating that moment in the movies where the music drops down
and everybody's fucking scared shitless.
You're creating that for another individual.
What if something actually happened that required a SWAT team right around then too like what what if what if there's actually shit that needs to be
done and you're just pissing away government dollars not even that you funded because you're
British calling in a fake fucking uh SWAT threat or whatever like it's there's so many ways for it
to go wrong it's it's just mean-spirited and shitty like there's no way for it to go well
when I got SWATed, I talked to the cops and
the story they told me was, we cased your house for like 90 minutes. There was supposed to be a
hostage situation. Somebody went up, went to the bathroom, went back to bed. And they're like,
that's just not hostage behavior. We kind of knew. They pretended they knew all along that it was not real. And then they got, they did a story on NPR about me
and, uh, and that swatting incident. And I heard the same detective get interviewed by whatever
that guy. And, um, um, he's like, you know, we were headed over there and I was ready to kill
someone. He's like, that's a weird feeling. Cause not every day at work, even as a policeman,
do you think, well, I'm about to shoot somebody but that was you know he was over there ready to kill
me like he was in his truck they're all in the little paddy wagon thing they parked it two blocks
away so they could sneak up on the house but i just picture them like like uh like a bunch of
soldiers in an ac-130 ready to jump out like paratroopers.
They're all like, fuck, we're about to do some shit here.
They're hyping themselves up to get ready.
Oh yeah, that's how they came to my house.
No joke, it's scary.
They're getting geared up like
that scene at the beginning of Predator.
It's fucking Jesse Ventura's
little painless out the back.
Getting their fucking grenade launcher
out. It's a their fucking grenade launcher out.
It's a real shitty thing to do.
What if the next time those SWAT people get sent to a house,
it's another fake,
and then the time after that, it's not a fake,
but their guard's been brought down a little bit because, I mean, is there really a hostage situation in North Carolina?
Be real.
And then something fucking bad happens.
Someone gets shot because they weren't as on point
as they would have been if they weren't responding
to ridiculous wild goose chases all over the place.
Yeah, you're wasting the North Carolina.
All around nonsense.
If you're wasting that North Carolinian SWAT team's time,
I mean, they could be somewhere at a bathroom
keeping it safe, right?
Gunning down any pervert who might try to feign femininity. To try to see
her pee. Yes.
Yeah. That's what
my idea was
that I submitted to North Carolina, is just put
one cop in every bathroom, every
woman's bathroom, and only install
one urinal in every woman's room
and you'll find out immediately.
Immediately who shouldn't be in there.
You thought you fooled me and he's going to go, no, no, no. You thought you fooled me.
And he's going to go, oh, you got me.
I thought I could throw a wig on and watch little girls pee.
And then bamboozle the game.
Well, you know, another idea would just
be to put lots of cameras in all the women's bathrooms.
You could see after they pull their pants down
what they got going on.
Yes, that's another reasonable way to handle it.
These are two reasonable options.
Penis detected! Penis detected!
Alright, well,
hey, that's our first topic. We've already
got into
cameras and more.
And bathrooms. I mean, it was inevitable.
I found a
new subreddit, but I'm having
a hard time remembering the name of it.
But the premise is
it's all clips from movies,
actual movies, where it's
non-simulated sex.
So it's like...
What does that mean? Like it's real sex?
It's real sex in a
feature film. It's not a pornographic film, Like it's real sex? It's real sex in a feature film.
It's not a pornographic film, but there's real sex in it.
And sometimes that means you see a cock in a cum shot in a regular film.
But sometimes it just means like, oh, yeah, look real closely there.
And I think it's Monster's Ball.
And Halle Berry is riding Billy Bob Thornton.
And if you look close, you can see his cocks inside of her. Are you sure
about that one?
So I also know this subreddit, and I
also can't remember the name. Of course,
Brown Buddy and Nine Songs are
submitted again and again and again to the point
where you just unsubscribe.
I'm told.
I'm told.
What is Brown Bunny and Nine?
What are those?
So Nine Songs, I think it's called Nine Songs.
It's pretty much just like a really well done porn.
The actors in it are like, they say like, oh, these are real actors.
These aren't just porn stars.
But I'd never heard of them before or since.
But they did seem to act pretty well.
And it covers the relationship of
this man and a woman and they have sex a lot um and then brown bunny i forget what that movie's
about but it happens that the female lead and the male lead used to date and there's a scene in
there when she gives him a blow job and her take on it is basically like like i'm glad i did it
like for artistic purity.
It made the scene that much better.
And I had blown them like 300 times already, so it was just one more.
And the only difference is this time it was in a movie.
But it's like, you look at it.
I'm watching it right now.
Is it the Brown Bunny one?
Yeah.
It's called Unsimulated.
Unsimulated.
Is the name of the Reddit.
I think it's a different subreddit that I go to.
There may be multiple subreddits that cover this topic.
It is not as niche as you might think.
It's not as niche as you might think.
I saw that that scene from Requiem for a Dream where they go ass to ass was in there,
and apparently that's real,
but it's not Jennifer Jason Leigh's ass that they're using.
But there is an actual double-ended dildo
in actress one's pussy, who's on the left,
and actress two's pussy, who's on the right,
who's supposed to be Jennifer Jason Leigh,
but is a body double who's apparently an escort.
Once you start reading, I just go down a rabbit
hole and I ended up, alright, well let's get to the bottom
of this. I even went to her
Inside the Actor's Studio interview to
see her take on it.
But yeah, I found it pretty
fascinating.
Sometimes they really fuck.
Yeah, that is interesting. Do you think
that the guys in those scenes
when they're like, alright, brown bunny blowjob scene, take one.
And then right as soon as he comes,
he says something that ruins the shot,
where he's just like,
oh, hot dog, what a great film this is going to be.
Something that's just so out of character
that they're like, cut, fuck.
Can you take, okay, we're going to take 30.
Can you blow him again?
I know, I know, it was once him again? I know, I know.
It was once in the... I understand.
No, it was one shot scene in the contract,
ma'am, not one attempt.
You can talk to your attorney if you'd like.
We've got Clitch Hutchinson
on retainer here.
He's a multimedia blowjob expert.
A non-familial sex consultant.
Yeah, he's got to
get through this.
Yeah, that's what I would do if I was one of those actors.
I'm watching the Monsters Ball scene right now.
Are you looking at Billy Bob Thornton's balls?
Is that what you mean to say?
I'm doing my best.
I don't see Monster Ball.
Monsters Ball, I've only seen it once when I was younger,
so maybe I don't remember the details,
but Halle Berry's husband or loved one was in prison and he might have died in prison and billy
bob thornton is like a prison guard and they develop some kind of a weird relationship and
then they fuck at one point in front of a couch on the floor and it's pretty crazy sex and the
the thought is the theory is that it's real sex and i didn't research it as much as i did jennifer
jason lee because i'm not as big of a halle berry fan much as i did jennifer jason lee because i'm not
as big of a hallie berry fan as i am a jennifer jason lee fan uh she's been nude a lot she's
jennifer jason lee is is is almost perfection real real sexy lady um but yeah it looks like
they're really fucking and and it was on that uh subreddit but i i don't want this kind of sex in my feature films. No?
Honestly, it kind of takes me out of it.
Like, if I'm watching,
they're trying to save a space station
or some wonderful world of mystery,
and someone starts getting blown,
like, at that point, it's like,
it pulls you out of the movie,
and it makes you also think that, like,
come on, man, you're on a space station oxygen's running out now
is the time you want your dick sucked like be real you would have waited till you got back on
land you'd be way too stressed out to to think what a mess that jizz is gonna make in zero gravity
man it's gonna ruin your electronics dunk everything up it gets in all the little places
everything's sticky now yeah that's not what you want at all. I don't know. If I want to watch porn, I'll go watch porn.
It's not porn, though.
Like, if I were watching, this is porn.
That might be considered porn by you, but some of it runs the gambit, right?
Some of it is, like, you've got to, like, enhance and brighten the whole thing and be like, oh, yeah, she's literally, like, there's one of them, it's called, like, it's this lesbian movie, it's like, blue is in the title,
but there's a scene where they're having lesbian sex, and if you look closely, yeah, she's touching
the other girl's pussy, and the other girl's not wearing one of those, like, pussy cover
things, there's no merkin involved, and it's just like, oh yeah, I guess, that's cool,
they're actually having sex right there, she's fingering that chick's pussy.
It goes from
like that to like there was one where it was like a french actress like finds out the day of that
her co-star is that rocco guy who's a porn star and they're gonna fuck for real and she's like
fuck like she didn't even know so like it goes all the way to that and they just bang and it's just
i just don't like when i'm invested in like i don't know some wizard's progress in collecting the nine runes of chaos or something and he starts getting
blown and then i start like then i'm thinking about sex i'm not thinking about the wizard's
progress or what they're doing on the boat or whatever the movie is you know it's just it's a
it's a big heart i see that almost like a jump scare where they're like hey this movie isn't
that great on its own what should we do well it is a horror movie can I see that almost like a jump scare where they're like hey this movie isn't that great on it's own, what should we do
well it is a horror movie, can we drop a few jump scares
oh yeah it'll like fool people into thinking it's scary
perfect
this movie isn't that great
and it's nothing setting us apart, like the actors suck
you know, no name recognition
well I mean she's just not famous enough
to suck that guy's dick, you wanna ask her?
I mean do you think she'll go for it yeah oh maybe that's no no reason not to try and so they do and then that's like
what the movie's known for instead of actually being good you know that's exactly what whereas
there's 500 porn movies out there there's a bunch of porn stars watching these films going oh okay
okay blowjob queen there yeah go watch my fucking repertoire okay miss, Ms. Two-Thirds-a-Dick, I'm not impressed.
I bet they see that as super threatening.
I would... It's not implausible to think that maybe the porn industry
has a vested interest in the MPAA,
the Motion Picture Association of America,
and their little clamp on censorship
in major motion picture film.
Because imagine if all of a sudden
you could put a movie in the theaters with a little
pussy penetration.
Like, okay, anal's the line.
Vaginal penetration, that's fine. Just no sodomy.
If that was the new rule, imagine how much
money Vivid loses. Imagine how much money
the entire porn industry loses if
now there's high production dollars.
We need to drain the swamp.
Drain the swamp, yes.
That would be the worst
possible outcome for movies
because all it would do is,
just like everything in the movies,
they go to the lowest common denominator
of what will be popular.
That's why every other movie is a superhero movie
is because they realize they make a lot of money.
Fuck it, I don't care.
A lot of money.
Before Ragnarok, I got pumped.
I'm ready for it now.
I don't want to buy tickets to a movie
and then realize halfway through I'm sitting
in a pimped up, trumped up
porn movie.
All it would do is cause...
If I busted a load halfway through the next movie, I would
stand in a bar. You would too.
If he gets to that
battle
planet where he has to fight the Hulk
in that arena, if he gets there
and they like throw some
slave bitches to him that night and there was like a three minute orgy of just Thor Thor sex
and they gave him like a Thor cock with CGI and like lightning bolt made of iron is like I'd be
okay with that like like like you know I haven't seen this trailer how long is it a minute three
minutes something like that I think it's fucking excellent.
So it reminds me a lot of Guardians of the Galaxy.
They seem to be having a lot of fun with it,
and it's really upbeat.
The music is excellent, and they added Cate Blanchett.
Do you want to watch it?
I'd love to watch it.
It does have some music in it, though.
That's the sketchiest part, because it can...
Let's watch it.
Can you just hum the music as it goes, Kyle?
No. No no i can't
just check this thing out yeah the last thing you want if you actually think about it is porn
in your movies hmm i'll tell you what force them to make a full that's a tough sell kit taylor
because i really think that most movies would be improved with a little sex yeah it's a little sex
like don't make it all sex.
I don't even like it in Game of Thrones.
I liked... What was it called? It was a mini-series.
It was good for a while. The actor got cancer
and it started to suck. It was like Gladiator.
Ah, yeah, that's a great fucking show.
That is called Spartacus.
Spartacus, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tons of sex in it.
Lucy Lawless titties?
Only made it better.
I watched so much Xena so I could
one day see them big titties.
When I saw those titties,
I thanked God and I don't
believe in him. It was
a beautiful day. The rest of
that week was better. We should all
live in a world where we have
fluffers getting us ready for sex
with our significant others.
Okay, I remember that show, and it actually speaks volumes to the quality of those tits that I know exactly who you're talking about.
I watched that show seven years ago, like when it first came out, and I still remember watching it, like seeing her naked and being like, this is pretty great.
But then also getting frustrated because all the show was was a constant buildup to the next time Spartacus got to get in the ring.
And like, who's he going to be with?
Who's his partner going to be?
Is he going to have to fight Crixus, the guy that he's training with, who's really, really strong?
And every time they wrote about 28 minutes of content for a 42-minute show or whatever it is.
And then the rest is just slow-walking slaves naked.
And that's it.
That's all that it is.
They took what could have been a good show and packed more stuff into it, and they just were like, you know
what, well, people won't bitch. If people
bitch about how much sex we have, then we'll just call them
Puritans and say they don't get the show. Well, won't
they just point out that we're clearly stretching
content because we don't have enough story to get
Spartacus to more fights? No, no, no,
no, no. Like, this is HBO.
30 minutes of content, 22 minutes of tits.
I watched it to the end,
that series. That's a different quality.
Don't put that on HBO.
They wouldn't do that.
Don't put that on HBO.
It was a good show, though, as far as
the actual fighting and the training
and shit. The black guy who trains them all
was a big fan of his. Dude, it's great for the first couple seasons.
And then you start seeing through it.
And you're like, oh my god. That guy on hodgkin's lymphoma or something yeah after he dies dies in like 14 months but the rest of the characters mostly stuck around and then he had a good replacement
and i'm just telling you when you start getting into like season five and six on that thing
and you watch him slow-mo fight you're like why did i ever think this was interesting
you know because it's like all right it's time to start battle and then they're just like big slow motions where they
pretend to do things it's awful that's all that it is in the end you're right you're right where
it just goes like ready for the battle and it goes
and then it's like and then it's like it misses. It's like, oh, fuck.
How long is this fight going to be?
It cuts an apple in half.
CGI blood spurts.
Oh, yeah, the CGI got old toward the end.
I like the first two seasons or so.
Whenever the original Spartacus is out and then they start doing that prequel season,
things get real bad.
The prequel season was okay.
It was okay, and my thought watching it was, I hope that after this prequel season, things get real bad. The prequel season was okay. It was okay. And my thought
watching it was, I hope that after this prequel, the main guy has, his health has returned to him
and he can return to the show, you know, that was the hope. And then he dies and it's like,
ah, I'm done with the show. And I watched maybe two episodes of the new replacement of him. And
I know, you know, their whole battle once they've broken free of being slaves and all, but I wasn't into it.
He wasn't the original guy. I could recognize
that it wasn't.
I probably enjoyed it
through at least three seasons,
maybe just out of momentum. And then
seasons four, five, and six were just
effort.
I want to know how it ends, so I'll watch it like this.
I don't think I watched six at all.
Yeah, I agree with you. I watched the first two and I loved it. And then the third one, I wanted to like how it ends so I will watch it like this I don't think I watched six at all I agree with you I watched the first two
and I loved it and then the third one
I wanted to like it a lot because the guy
died of cancer and I just wanted to keep
watching it you know it was still that world
and then after that I was like I can't pretend anymore
in the last season the gladiators
are on the run and they're in a really
cold environment and this cold environment is like
their main problem you know trying to deal with it
yet they still only wear underwear and capes it's just like
no time to go get clothes or or wares or anything fashion some or skin something oh no underwear and
capes because these guys worked out way too hard to wear warm clothing if i had the body of most
of those guys i would wear underwear in winter too.
They got so much mass, they don't need clothes.
How did we get here though?
What happened before Lucy Lawless?
We're talking about sex in movies.
Lucy Lawless' tits. We should circle right back around to that.
I didn't think she was
that great. I always thought she was like...
To me, it's like, oh, Lucy Lawless
is like the MILF in this
show, but all the slaves are the real attraction.
Like, they're the cream of the crop.
Lucy Lawless was, she's great,
but when you take an eight and surround her with tens,
she looks like an eight.
No, no.
Lucy Lawless was like the matriarch of the bitches.
Like, there's that scene where Lucy Lawless is in the tub topless with her big fucking titties floating a little bit and her husband's
banging this slave chicken and and uh and she's exactly and i think lucy lawless says something
like have her ass like and i'm like oh wow she told she told her husband to fuck the slave chick
in the ass and like they're having a conversation while he and i'm just ah this is the best thing ever i did because it was like it wasn't so much focused on the sex as much as it
was focused on like oh this is like what romans were like like super uber millionaire romans like
probably not true but whatever but i remember exactly what you're talking about where she's
sitting there in that big square tub and there's a bunch of very uh displeased looking servants that don't
want to be naked they don't want to be naked but they're naked and they're like serving grapes and
doing their thing and then the one who's sitting there giving a look that uh of of when she's being
penetrated of like like when you uh inseminate a cow like it's not like no interest at all just
chewing cud just like this is what i do this is my
life after this i get to clean the clay pots woohoo like that kind of thing and then when he
tells him and when his wife tells him like uh ateneatus or whatever the fuck his name is
take her ass and then she just has to sit there and be like oh oh this bitch
oh i'm so sorry i will not bring you warm wine again you cunt you don't have to do this she just has to sit there and be like, oh, this bitch.
I'm so sorry.
I will not bring you warm wine again, you cunt. You don't have to do this. I'm so
sorry. I'm sorry. I
warmed it with my hand. I'll hold it by the stem. I told
you I would. Just have them do me in the pussy.
Like, just like, heck no.
And just like you, I watched it, and I'm like,
is this at all close
to what these old times were like, right?
Did Romans really have like, sex slaves?
Were the wives okay with fucking the sex slaves in front of them?
Sometimes the sex slaves were just a warm-up.
Like, you know, all right, she's going to blow you like a fluffer,
which is not even a real thing.
But, like, was it a real thing back in these times?
I have no idea.
But based on Spartacus, the documentary, yeah.
Yeah, i read a
bunch about caligula apparently he was he was in a lot of you know a lot of crazy stuff like that
but but i the more i read about caligula the more i read that it's believed that it's possible
that all the crazy stuff about him like you know him naming his uh a horse to be like a priest or
something like that and uh and some of the more crazy sexual stuff uh was some say that
was like a smear campaign that was ran against him after his death to like make him look like
it because you know they killed the guy and like and everything but then he did do some actual
crazy stuff that's historically like documentable like uh there was this senator who said like
caligula will be emperor uh yes he could do that just about as easily as he could ride his horse across the river and caligula became emperor and he built a
bridge across that river and rode his horse across it like it was like a lots of stuff like that that
he did he only lived to be 28 yeah caligula isn't that crazy that crazy when you read or like you watch a show or something about someone in history times and it's like they did this. They fought in this battle. They forged the agreement of Tuscany or whatever the hell. They did this and that. They were the first one to have their face printed on a coin twice during their reign or whatever.
coin twice during their reign or whatever. And you look at it
and it's like, died at
26! No shit!
My god! When did this guy start going?
It makes you feel like a real loser.
I think it's because the life expectancy
was so much lower, right?
I've heard that's overblown.
The reason for that is because
infants' mortality was so high and they just
aggregated. So really, people were
living, like, you would find, like, if you found someone who was rich or well-off infants mortality was so high and they just aggregate it so really people were living like
you you would find like if you found someone who was rich or well off or they had a good comfortable
life and they weren't slaving away like you'd find like a 70 something year old guy 70 something
year old 80 something year old lady you just would also have like oh lots of babies died today too
oh but you would definitely have a a lesser 70-old man in those times than you would today.
I think the thing is, you would look oldest time at 75 in Roman days, I would think.
Yeah, my dad's like 62 or 63, and he was like, you know, I feel pretty good.
I'm still pretty strong.
I can lift stuff.
I never have any issue with anything.
My knees still work.
He's like, I remember when I was younger, I thought of a 65-year-old man as like handicapped.
He's like, but I don't feel handicapped.
You know, I do stuff.
I remember in history, our teacher was saying, this is like revolutionary wartime.
They're like, average guy lived to be like 44.
And if that was true, it was because of all the dead babies.
Once you make it to three, you'll probably make it to 50.
Once you make it to three, you'll probably make it to 50.
Wartime stats are a little different because obviously it's like one demographic going to war, young men.
And so it really skews that because in Russia after World War II, they lost something like 20% of their young males to the war.
I don't know the actual percentage, like the number in the millions because it is in the millions like they lost so many people that there was a problem for decades of not enough males in russia
for how many women there were because i read that recently there weren't enough people yeah
rather the opposite of china's problem i was some guy i think it was on reddit so it's guaranteed
to be true and he was he was talking about how the harem system in some Middle East countries where
men marry like five or six women.
He's like,
this totally fucks over men.
You'd think it would fuck over women,
but he's like 80% of the women are fucking 20% of the men.
And the rest of us are out in the cold.
And it was like,
damn,
I hadn't thought of it in those terms.
Like it would really suck if one guy could pick up like four or
five women on the average yeah that's evolution i never thought about that right this is negan
in practice like the alpha male in in in the wildlife almost always collects a herd of females
there's plenty of animals who pick who are monogamous right? There are birds who do that. I think penguins are one of them.
I think a lot of raptors
act that way.
And they practice monogamy.
One part of it, that's it.
The dinosaur? Birds of prey.
That's what the word means.
Really? So like falcons, eagles,
hawks? I literally thought
raptor just meant the dinosaur
from Jurassic Park.
It does, but the word raptor means bird of prey um sam neill explains that in the first jurassic park he's like well
it actually means bird of prey and because he's talking about the evolution of the the dinosaurs
into the modern day birds and and and because that especially back then i think that was new science
yeah that was breaking edge like they still didn't know the feathers thing thank god because i would have ruined the film if i still imagine dinosaurs
is not having feathers i don't care if it's not realistic they will never have feathers in my head
have you seen the new little dicky video i still watch it oh it's so fucking it's called pillow
talk um and it starts off with like a pretty like dirty sex scene
with like the chick's butt all in your face
and his butt all in your face and him fucking her.
And then the sex stops and they just start having like,
they start rapping back and forth with Pillow Talk.
And they get into this conversation where she's religious
but doesn't believe in aliens.
And he's like, what, you don't fuck with aliens?
And she's just like, yeah.
And they go back and forth. It's fucking hilarious.
It's really good. I like Little Dicky a lot.
Yeah, I think all his songs are pretty funny. Or all the ones I've heard.
Those videos are great.
It's like a 10, 11 minute video.
Yeah.
I watched the whole thing. I was laughing
my ass off.
It genuinely is his best video yet.
And that's saying something, because this shit's good.
Yeah, I like Big Wax, man.
He's been on the show.
Who's the guy we've had on that has that Rosanna single?
Big Wax.
Big Wax, right?
Wax and Herbal Tea.
Wax and Ice Tea.
Nope, I think it's Wax and Herbal Tea.
Yeah, and he has a song called rosanna that's amazing i've
watched it like oh yeah i know that's times yeah because she's a hot video lady yeah it
looks really sexy yeah she's she's a dime chicken this little dicky uh video is fucking hot uh she
looks really nice she's like a redhead like in a thong uh the whole time do you want to do an ad
and then a new topic yeah i, I'll do smart mouth.
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good stuff
do you want to talk about
the UFC stuff
the maybe that
the slow-mo for that
yeah
so maybe you should lay the case out.
But my question to you is,
isn't...
I'm not sure.
I have it in my head that I've seen this happen before,
that when someone is struck by an illegal blow,
if they are unable to continue,
they get the win.
Have I seen that before?
Am I imagining that?
That's actually john
jones's only loss is from an illegal elbow exactly that's exactly it was it was the 12 to 6 elbow
and they gave him the loss now that in my opinion is exactly what chris wyman was attempting to do
here um he he thought oh and the ref even tells him whoa illegal knee you've got five minutes to
recover but in the back of his head, and what's not
said is, if you can't, you win.
And so he says, then I can't.
And then they
go over and look at a replay.
Did you know he didn't know what day it was?
He claimed he didn't know what day it was.
I heard the audio.
And the doc or the
ref, I forget who it was, said he doesn't know
what day it is. And his corner is like, he never knows what day it is.
That means nothing.
But, you know, look, the answer is Saturday.
This is a date that he's had burned in his mind for months.
Yep.
Healthy Wyman knows what day it is.
He fights on Saturdays, right?
Yeah, he only fights Saturdays.
He's never fought on a day that's not Saturday.
Not in years, right?
So either he's gaming or he didn't know what day it was one of those two things he's gaming
let me finish my little thought here i think gaming me so here's what happened uh um chris
weidman uh got kneed in the head it's illegal if he has both hands on the mat simultaneously
uh supporting some weight,
is what some guys say.
Some guys say it needs to be the palms that need to be on the ground
for you not to be able to knee that man in the head.
So if he's bent over and you've got him in like a choke or something,
if he can put two hands on the ground, you cannot knee him in the head.
It used to be, and this rule just changed, that one hand on the ground was enough.
And so in these clinch scenarios, a guy would just put his hand on the ground was enough and so in these clinch scenarios a guy would just put
his fingertips on the ground and say ha i'm safe like in baseball when you put your your foot on
first it's not that the guy can't push you right off first it's that you're there i want to add
something to that so kyle's right people used to just sort of tap the ground and like be safe
unsafe safe unsafe so almost like bait you into trying it the other thing though what position
are they in like someone's on top of you and you're like,
you just reach back and go like that.
The same position you had me in when we rolled years ago,
kind of a front headlock thing.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So,
so the guy would put one hand on the ground so that you couldn't knee.
The thing is when it was one hand on the ground meant you were down.
He was also able to protect himself with the other hand.
And they felt like what was going on there was unfair, so they changed the rule.
Now it's two hands on the ground.
And if I'm right, and I think I'm on target with this,
it has to be a palm or a fist.
They're both the same.
It's not fingertips.
Correct.
That's notable.
Palm or fist, fingertips is not a hand on the ground.
And it has to be, too. So now a fighter is forced to choose to either protect himself with his hands like this or to protect himself with the rules and, you know, make a ref stop him from needing you.
And it looked like Weidman was doing the latter. Like he was trying to prevent the ref from,
he was trying to get the ref and the rules to prevent him from being need instead of.
He's trying to touch first base,
make himself safe in that position and not catch the knee.
What happens is he throws a knee at a time when.
Two knees.
He throws some knees,
hits a guy in the fucking head.
And the ref says,
whoa,
illegal blow.
You, sir, Chris Weidman have five minutes to recover but what's not said is if you can't you win um and so he has that in
his head and he's like i can't fucking continue it was it a saturday tuesday monday what year is it
i'm glad hillary won you know he's just like he wants to be the end of the match because he wasn't
going well for him so after five minutes, if he's like,
man, I can't keep fighting.
I think I have a concussion or something.
They go, okay, fight's called.
You win because that was an illegal knee.
And of course you didn't.
Oh, that's shitty.
How do you know if he's faking?
Well, you don't.
And this is how, as Woody said earlier,
that's how john jones
has his only lost he threw an elbow that went from 12 o'clock to six o'clock straight down which is
illegal the guy feigned like he'd just been brained but with a like a cudgelers or whatever
the fuck and he was kind of like he did take a blow it was john jones elbowing the man in the
skull but i just think he could have continued if he really wanted to. So what happened here with this Weidman fight was while he's laying there pretending to be just brained like a soccer player,
they go over and look at the instant replay, which you are not allowed to do in the state of New York.
I've heard both on that.
I've heard you can and you can't, but carry on.
Daniel White said you can't.
Bad source, but I hear you.
I heard it from multiple sources, but let's just say you can't because I source, but I hear you. I heard it from multiple sources.
But let's just say you can't.
Because I say so.
Okay.
They go over, they look at the instant early play,
and then they come back in and say,
actually, that was a legal knee.
And like you just explained and proved to us
with your act and your inability to remember what day it is,
you cannot continue.
You cannot continue because of a legal blow.
That guy wins.
You lose.
So that's what happened.
Nobody is exactly innocent in all of this.
So that's what ended up happening in the end.
Yeah, Whiteman lost.
So New York says that they correctly used instant replay.
The New York State Athletic Commission has come out.
I found like 70 sources on it, like something outrageous.
So apparently, so Joe Rogan said in the pay-per-view that it wasn't legal.
So everyone assumed that Joe would be right on that.
But I think Joe Rogan made a mistake.
I actually have the knees that I could show everybody.
I looked at one that you linked there. Oh, that is. Yeah you have to scroll down to the second like image there. I'm gonna
show it to everybody. And it clearly shows that he was hitting the head and
his fingertips were still down. Like at the very last frame shows the head
getting jarred and the fingers still in the ground the thing is at least to my perception he has one i'll call it a fist and the other i'm calling it fingertips
like that's not a fist or a palm now did you hear what big john mccarthy said about all this and how
he calls that scenario no but let me says that go ahead musashi if while people are watching this
musashi's pulling him up he has a fist and a palm down, in my opinion,
and then he lifts him and knees him, so he has fist and fingers.
Like, Musashi brought it to a legal knee, which I guess is legal,
but that's how I see it.
Get up here so I can hit you.
So what was Big John saying?
He said that he wanted to see if the hands were supporting weight,
that that was what was relevant, that he doesn't care.
If you're in a position where you're just touching the mat to like make yourself safe he doesn't
care if it's palms or knuckles or elbows like that you need to be supporting weight it needs to be
you need to have a reason for having your hands down there you know you can't just
safe yourself was what he said to me like this is just what talking. I think he was supporting weight until Musashi lifted him.
I think that's legal then if he did that.
Yeah.
That's the way I see it.
It's a really big fight.
This guy Weidman was the champ.
And he lost two in a row against two monsters.
And in both cases, he was winning.
He was beating.
He was turning everything around against Rockhold.
In my opinion, he was starting to win. and then i don't know if he gassed or this he did this spinning wheel
kick thing rock hold laughed it off and started beating the dickens out of him and everyone's
like if he didn't throw that kick oh my god he was doing great yul romero beats this guy for two
and a half rounds with half a round left Weidman goes for a takedown.
Yole, like, sees it coming, knees him in the head.
Just now, all of a sudden, his brain is mush.
This one, Weidman wins the first round, and then Musashi, I feel like, was winning the second round.
You know, things were starting to go his way.
And then this knee happens, and as Kyle laid out, we don't really know what was going on between his ears.
Whether he was just like, I'll take the disqualification win.
Or whether he was dazed.
Now he's saying he wished he could have kept fighting.
He didn't get what he wanted.
Yeah, of course he didn't.
But he took that risk when he feigned injury like that.
If he'd stood up and been like, I fight i can fight i can fight yeah saturday let's go fight like then you're still giving
yourself an opportunity i love weidman i'm a weidman fan boy but he should have channeled
his inner lozon right when lozon had that cut on his forehead and he's just dripping everywhere the the mat was so covered
with joe's blood they mailed it to him afterwards they're like here joe here's a souvenir from like
the bloodiest fight in ufc history he's got it at his gym when the docs were like hey you know how
you doing joe is like i'm doing fucking great let me at him you know i'm gonna murder this guy and
the doc is like, go get him.
He's right there, right?
Weidman, on the other hand, I don't know what day it is.
I'm not feeling my best.
And you really take a chance when you're trying to win by means other than fighting.
And that's what Weidman was doing.
Mousasi's trying to fight this guy.
Weidman's trying to play games.
And he lost.
And this is coming from a Weidman fanboy.
If you knock that guy out, you win.
Well, unless you're Anderson Silva.
But most of the time, if you knock that guy out...
I agree with that decision. I hate Michael Bisping.
I really hope GSP beats him up.
I want to like him. He just seems like a cunt.
He just seems like a cunt. It's not that he
goes and says ridiculous things
that aren't true necessarily
or that he is poking people in the eyes.
Well, he pokes them in the eye literally,
but he doesn't metaphorically poke people in the eyes at random.
I'd prefer to be metaphorically poked in the eyes.
He does his literally.
But I just find him to be a douchebag.
He just comes off like such a dislikable person.
I don't like him.
Michael Bisping?
Yeah.
Does he poke eyes?
I don't think, I could be wrong.
I think he does,
but I can't remember the particular fight.
I'm remembering him fighting a white guy
and poking him in the eye.
There are tons of examples of Bisping being a cunt,
but that's kind of what I like about him.
He's a hero.
Oh, he's the guy with the fucked up eye now.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's always got one eye on the prize, this guy.
At most.
I wouldn't say that
if he were here.
No.
If he were on the call, I might.
Yeah. Dude, I think he would
roll with the punches.
He's clever.
I don't know if you guys have the same experience,
but whenever a British guy would
talk trash in a Call of Duty lobby,
I would just
know that I was outgunned. Never
fucking talk trash with a British guy
in a Call of Duty lobby.
I've heard you say this before, and I
totally disagree. Really?
Totally disagree, because there are a lot of British people out there, at least the
kind who talk shit on Xbox, who try and get by on the fact that they're British.
And so every one of their insults is fat American and keep in mind this is dated because the
last time I spoke to random people on Xbox Live was 2008.
Maybe like I just I don't do it so it's been about a decade.
So the British people of a decade ago on Xbox Live,
it was just the same shit.
Like, Kyle, can you back me up a little bit?
Like, it was just fat and stupid.
And then you would say they had bad teeth or something
if you wanted to take the lazy route.
But no, I could never tell you.
I would usually brag about my sex life.
You know, they would come up with something,
and I'd be like, I had sex earlier today.
And you, and true or not, it does well in Call of Duty lobbies.
Did you have to hedge it a little bit where they're like, you're probably an adult with a wife.
And you're like, no.
It's my girlfriend, and I don't have a job.
I haven't been a sysadmin at Cisco for 12 years.
That's ridiculous.
I remember we used to get DDoSed a lot.
I think it might have been true that day. But, yeah, they were DDoSed a lot. I think it might have been true that day.
But yeah, they were DDoSing me and I was angry.
And I was like, I want you to know this.
And I'm telling you this is the goddamn truth.
I've had sex today and you haven't.
And it went down in it for me.
People liked it.
It was really rare that I got in trash-talking spats with random people on Xbox Live.
Because if someone bothered me, I just muted them and didn't really think about it.
Yeah, I try to mute people or stay in a private chat.
It wasn't long into my Xbox career that we just stayed in a private chat.
Because we played Surge and Destroy, and the private chat didn't go away when you were dead right you could still talk to your friend or you could press y rotate the camera
180 degrees and watch your buddy's back you'd be like oh he's behind you and then you know your
buddy turns around and kills the guy and it would be impossible for him to ever kill it's a lot of
fun to play that way i talk some track people would pick on me i don't know if it's because
like i don't know why maybe it was my gamer tag maybe they started to know me because of the
youtube thing but like early on my gamer tag was matt woodworth and that would just get noticed a lot because people don't use
their name uh and early on i wasn't good and then like then i don't know i don't like it got to be
where i was better but mostly i rolled with killers and that was always fun because i could
talk trash and we would be virtually guaranteed
to win the game it was very uncommon we probably won a hundred to one like like it would we just
win all night and um so then i could talk trash and then it got to be like especially towards the
end like you know if i would just put on a good gun or something i could usually lead a lobby
and i could i remember like when we when i first
started playing with you guys on modern warfare 2 i think and it was you two and wings and a couple
other people maybe socrates or whatever and every like if you looked at my win loss ratio in that
like not playing with you guys just overall it was probably like 0.19 or something bananas because
like if i died in the beginning of a game like it was almost like an.19 or something bananas because like if i died in the beginning
of a game like it was almost like an impulse to just like start up a like but i'm done i did that
constantly and so i would have to catch myself when i played with you guys like anytime i die
in a stupid way i'd hit like start up uh nope nope everybody does that so many of us would
because there'd be so many situations where like somebody
be like, uh, you're going to have to pick me back up. I, uh,
I reflex rage quitted.
I forgot I was with you guys.
I never did that. I don't rage quit. I finished the game.
I had plenty of comebacks. You know, I, that was the thing too.
I used to be envious people would get higher scores,
but they didn't play the objective and they quit every game that didn't go their way.
And I'm like, man.
And I don't know why I put these handcuffs on myself.
If you played by my self-imposed rules, you'd be terrible.
Not terrible, but the gap would be closed.
Like, yeah, Kyle's nailed it.
If you played the way I wished you to play.
Yeah, I would handcuff myself, finish every game.
You know, we'd be down like domination, 198 to 100.
I'm still in there trying to triple cap, you know.
And, you know, it's like, oh, man, this game was, I'm really struggling right now.
All I see, we're playing six to four because two fuckers quit on me.
But I never do that to them.
I am the ultimate, you know, I'm the guy you want on your team.
You know if you were on like Pipeline and you jump on B.
This is COD 4, but you get the point. You jump on B in Pipeline right off the start,
and someone sits behind those barrels to the right of you,
and then right as it's a sliver away from doing it,
they jump in and get the points and then run off.
Like I always wished that there was a way to just announce
to everyone, like, oh!
SneakySaman69!
He just jumped in. He didn't actually cap it, guys. He didn't actually
cap it. He's a pretend player. He's not actually
going for the objective. He's a ruse-man.
I didn't like that. I always thought about that.
What would be the right way? Should you get
half a
killstreak? Should you get half a um kill streak should you
get half the points should the points be proportional because i definitely get full
points it just bothered me a little bit but i took advantage of it every time possible when i saw
you know squirrely man xxx capturing it and i jumped on at the last second so it's yet it's
one of the last millisecond like but if you had like a quarter to go, I'd put myself at risk and help you get it.
And you'd probably – I mean if it's a quarter, you're probably grateful that I sped it up.
I did my part.
How about this?
How about if like – what if you made capturing a flag a cumulative thing?
Like you hop on a flag and you start earning points immediately, and they're rapidly accruing like a stopwatch.
and you start earning points immediately,
and they're rapidly accruing like a stopwatch.
And if you capture it fully, like from start to beginning all by yourself,
you get 100 points, right?
Like 100, which equals a kill.
But if you're Sneaky Pete, who jumps on at the last second,
you get 20 points out of 100.
Just for easy math, it takes five seconds to capture the whole flag, so every second is 20 points.
So if he only jumps on for one
second, he only gets 20 points.
1.5 seconds? 30 points.
And just keep going. Perfect. That makes sense.
I like it. That's a good idea. Let's
get someone on the line.
Do any of us play Call of Duty anymore?
No, but I know some people. I can call either
402 or
JD2020 and I'm sure
they'll get that implemented. A couple of ex-employees.
Ex-employees?
I haven't been watching for quite some time.
Yeah, yeah.
I know Dave Vonderhaar.
He should count for something, I guess.
He'd be the guy.
I wonder...
So, what is it?
It's April, and the
interest in the next Call of Duty should just start to be happening, right?
Yeah.
First trailers should be coming out now.
I feel like COD is so done that there isn't any interest.
I can't tell if it's done or if it's just me not being interested in it at all and not paying attention.
or if it's just me not being interested in it at all and not paying attention.
Because honestly, I didn't follow it close enough that I watched all the trailers as soon as they were available, even for Black Ops, Black Ops 2.
But I just don't hear anything about Call of Duty anymore.
I hope we get...
We lost them both.
Because I like that. I like the historical aspect of the game.
You know, basically cosplaying your way in a virtual reality to like
going to omaha beach or or you know liberating france or whatever you're doing uh so i like that
and i like the historical weapons i heard that world war ii in the next call of duty or or
something of that like that's what i heardhammer? I don't know. I don't know.
I'll have an interest in it.
I feel like I bought one or two games
I didn't play, and I'm like,
am I going to do that a third time?
No, I'm not going to buy the next one.
I bought this last one so I could get zombies, and then I never
played it because I played COD 4.
And if I'm going to get back on,
I'll play COD 4 again.
I really stuck to my word this time around. I'm not sure what the new call of duty is called the most recent one
but it's the one who they came with cod 4 is a yeah a little add-on i still live in uh
i'm installing games three games maybe in that uh and i only did it so i could play zombies like i
said and i played a little bit of multiplayer and then went right back to cod remastered yeah i think
i played four press i'm like in the middle of my fourth prestige
or third prestige on Remastered,
and I haven't played in months now.
Same.
But I still haven't installed the game that came with it,
the new Call of Duty,
because I just had no interest in it.
Even Zombies, I was like,
I probably wouldn't end up playing that much.
If I were to play right now,
that's the one that I...
So I don't know the current ones but black ops 2 to me
was the best cod ever made i like the balance i like the way it played i like the smaller tighter
maps i it i like the way it played before they nerfed the kill streaks i could succeed
rushing in black ops 2 whereas like black ops 1 for example i felt like i was always like there's
always some pasture for the baby buffalo to run across and it's a pain in the ass it was at ak-74 you just so sweet and i
remember before they nerfed the chopper gunner that what they did i think i think they added a
period of invulnerability um yeah but that was back in modern warfare too is how they fixed it I think the way they fixed it in black ops was they didn't put the red right player indicator on the enemy soldiers
For like three seconds which gives you time to spawn and then relocate run into a building or something
I can just remember them spawning behind that trailer and in the good old days. It was like
And in the good old days it was like and that that hit marker noise that it makes as you're just
rapidly hitting like six guys with splatter spray and stuff and that was a really satisfying
best moment of the night kind of thing that would happen and then they took that away
and the game was just less fun for me like on the whole i yeah i like black ops 2 that to me was when i play
when i play solitaire it's all about that moment when the cars go when i play magic the gathering
it's depending on the deck i'm using it's all about me playing my like combo or my ultimate
or whatever it is it's about building to a point and then knock out blow like like you know it's
that haha playing that big card
that they don't see coming and just wipes the board
or crushes them, whatever it does.
And in the same regard, in Call of Duty,
it was all about let's work, let's scrimp, let's save,
let's get a chopper gunner.
And then let's mow people down,
because that's what it's all about.
I don't care about capturing flags.
I don't care about getting a single kill and a double kill.
I don't care about quick scopes.
I want a chopper gunner, and I
want to control
the pace of this entire game.
Because that's what happens. When you call in a chopper gunner
back in the day, it was like, Kyle's running
the game now. Everybody else can
literally sit their controllers down that's on
my team, because I have them spawn
trapped. Now they're spawning over there.
Now they're spawn trapped there. I can just
point to their spawn points from up there like, God,
you know, you don't need a team. But then they took all that
away. I don't know. I love big, powerful
killstreaks that are attainable.
Yeah, I liked
how easy it was to get to that Chopper Gunner
in Modern Warfare 2 with the
Harrier strike, because like, it
was almost a guarantee that
you would get, at first, yes,
before they changed it because at first i
used to run harrier pavlo and then uh chopper gunner because it was so easy to get to seven
i used to run that predator missile and then the harrier and then the chopper gunner and then i
switched to pavlo but at first the harrier was a monster because people didn't shoot down choppers
in cod 4 uh i did because i have these self-imposed rules where I'm a very good teammate,
but other people just fucking ignore the chopper and stay inside
and let someone else deal with it.
They go to Modern Warfare 2 with the same philosophy,
and the Harrier would just take people out left and right.
You get in a few months in that game,
and the Harrier is not worth much more than the airstrike.
John, yeah, it's just hit.
And you saw
people like xcal who like i don't know how many uh harriers you guys got a night but none of us
got as many as xcal would at night so someone who's rinsing repeating that so much he learned
oh fucking predator missile then just regular plain old five kill streak airstrike and then
like he only used kill streaks that couldn't be countered so that he could just fucking get them
out there get them doing their thing and then go back to killing.
A couple things about X-Cal.
Even though he's never nice to me, I'll say good things about him.
No, he's dick.
He's such an asshole.
Oh, he's an asshole.
He might not be an asshole now.
I bow down to the man's skills.
I like to think he grew into a non-douchebag.
Like, now maybe he's a decent adult.
But, you know, it's my hope for him.
But as an adolescent, such a cocksucker the
fucking mouth pirate anyway so um uh pirate i don't know i was going for cock holster and
butt pirate and i somehow put them together i don't know but he came out but uh anyway uh he
was he was an absolutely awful person but. But he was very good at games.
And not only would he,
there are two things I'm trying to say,
not only would he just destroy everything,
but he played by my self-imposed rules.
He had the same ones.
He would get 140 kills on shipment from the B flag.
And it's like, wow, mother of God, that's impressive.
He's just spinning in circles
yeah i know in the matrix just like no yeah he's destroying it you know like this open lobby one
time with like 18 youtubers slashing hands and stuff there's not a weak player in there
there's just not and he came in and on rust and all of us and like up until he came in you know
every now and then somebody get get a fucking Predator missile
and drop it on the crew.
Somebody might have called in a...
I think that was it.
And then all of a sudden,
this motherfucker's up in an AC-130 on Rust
in an 18-man free-roll.
I think that was my lobby.
Yeah.
Dude, he's really good, right?
And there's other...
All the other YouTubers are there and stuff.
But that was at the time there was a Rust glitch
and people would get sucked into these 18-man games and apparently xcal loved that so that was
his home court whereas if i got sucked into a glitch game i usually exit i had no experience
in it but he was just awesome the other thing not only was he good by playing with the woody rules
he um it made sense for him to run killstreaks that didn't take long because the most lethal
thing on that thing was not a chopper gunner,
it was X-Cal and an AK,
or whatever. Like, X-Cal and an M4
poses a bigger threat
than a chopper gunner.
It's like, why don't we just have the
Pave Low doing its thing?
The most dangerous thing in that game was X-Cal
and his weapon. It wasn't a Pave Low or a chopper gunner
or an AC-133. Just let that man play.
Yeah, yeah. That Pave Low doesn't shoot indoors, you know? Like, X-Cow and his weapon. It wasn't a Pave Lure, Chopper Gunner, or AC-133. Just let that man play. Yeah, yeah. That Pave
Lure doesn't shoot indoors. You know?
Like, X-Cow shoots indoors. It's awful.
I remember watching the
Shield video he did so long
ago where he did the
like, and what you do is you bounce
him twice and throw the C4
or whatever, and I
tried it like three times
exactly the same way where I was like and a
one and a two oh nope
I'm putting it away fuck
and then be like alright one more time and a
one and a two
oh and it's oh fuck and I'm dead and I was like this is stupid
I'm not an ex-cow and I can't do this
and I'm just going to use a gun
this is fun for you because the gun was too easy
and you were bored the gun's fine
for me
what did you say? oh and shoes This is fun for you because the gun was too easy and you were bored. The gun's fine for me.
What did you say?
Anches.
Oh, anches.
What was I going to say?
That X-Cow.
And X-Cow also played, like, Call of Duty is the easiest fucking game to play.
Like, God, it's easy.
Children, babies, anybody can do it. I totally agree.
It's so fucking easy.
It's hard to be good, but it's easy to play.
It's hard to be good,
and that's what makes good games great,
is that it's easy to play,
but it's hard to master.
He really mastered it,
but he played games that are hard to even fucking play.
He would play those stupid Ninja Gaiden games
and Dark Souls and stuff,
those really difficult-to-play video games
where you're throwing shuriken
and dancing off the walls, dodging shit
constantly. And he's like a machine.
He's like a machine on that stuff. He's Asian.
It's just cheating.
Fucking X-Cow.
I mean, think about it. Most of the YouTubers who
I'm changing my mind about X-Cow.
Here's what happened with X-Cow.
The YouTube scene of a bunch of COD gamers and then there's Xcal,
who's the greatest of them all,
is exactly like if back in the day in Indiana,
the Indiana All-Stars were out there
playing fucking basketball,
and then one 6'8 black guy walked in.
Is he the best basketball player? No, but he's 6'8 black guy walked in. Is he the best basketball player?
No, but he's 6'8, and he's incredibly athletic,
and he's going to stomp you all.
He's now the best basketball player in the room.
Yeah, he's got that Asian advantage.
Unfair.
That's not a thing.
You know what?
I will say, if you look at the pro-cod scene,
mostly white guys.
Mostly white guys, it is.
I like to see that a lot of them don't seem to be... God scene? Yeah. Mostly white guys. Mostly white guys, it is.
I like to see that a lot of them don't seem to be... I like to see that they're not all big fatties
because I feel like that really...
I mean, seriously, though,
if you're going to go on a big stage like that
where people who aren't in the know
are going to see, oh yeah, that team right there,
they are the champions of Call of Duty,
and you're going to look at these people,
you kind of want them to be ambassadors for your
sport or your activity or your product,
whatever it may be. If they
look like that guy from South Park
who's like,
if you look like that guy,
that's not good for business. You can't
put that guy on a can of Mountain Dew.
If you're a good looking
20-year-old white guy who's the
best in the world that's
marketable that's brand i've always thought that helped the optic brand like i feel like the um
the optic team in terms of their success was high they were always a successful team but i felt like
there was always another team you could argue was just as good you know that was it uh the fan base
that was what really what was the team with parasite on it that seemed to just dominate
everything for a year and then it seemed like there was always another team that was as good
as optic but no one is popular and it helped that like you know they made a beat up cod yeah they
were the yankees and they would i remember there was footage of them doing like push-up contests
at gaming events because those guys were fit and I always thought it helped the brand a little bit
that the players
were in shape like that.
It absolutely has to.
Someone is going to capture
the female audience
that comes to Cod of Events.
Someone is going to catch those eight people.
Someone is going to get them
and it's not going to be Fear Moho.
It's going to be someone with some abs maybe, who doesn't look silly up there.
Doesn't look silly up there.
I'm just saying.
I mean, they don't help themselves with some of those jerseys they wear.
I don't know what you call the uniforms or whatever the teams wear.
When you game at that level, you can't wear cotton.
Often they're like microfiber. Takes a a high performance fiber to play man boobs and rolls like nobody's business and they are very hot on these people
Good you need a natural fiber
Related top all right, so look they're burning like it's it's so ill-fitting a lot of those years like it doesn't it's not fitted
It's not it's like when you put a
shirt like that on it's like wearing a mesh tank top like if you're in great shape you're gonna
look you know magnificent but if you're not you're gonna look as bad as possible i need help let's
make this about me for a second so it's all about me on friday i'm going'm going to do more paramotor training right it is going to be
between like 84 and 88 degree highs and I am not in the same shape I was 10 years ago wish I was
whatever I don't know made money got fat so what do you wear when you're me if I walk into dicks
and see that under armor thing on the mannequin It doesn't fit me like that mannequin.
What is the outfit for me?
What are you trying to,
and what is this for the activity,
the flying?
It's for paramotor.
It's outside exercising,
paramotoring.
I wear,
I wish I knew the,
the Hanes maybe makes them.
I've got a bunch of different shirts.
I've got a room now.
That's my closet because I just ran out of closet space,
and now I just made a bedroom my closet and put all these hanging racks in it.
And I have so many goddamn shirts that are for hot weather.
They run the gambit of all those microfibers that are moisture-wicking,
and there's two or three different kinds of that microfiber.
There's the Nike Dry Fit, though.
It's more flattering.
I like Nike Dry Fit. I think they spell dry with D-R-I spell dry. It's not as clingy. It's not as clingy and it doesn't get sticky as the really thin breathable stuff. I like Nike dry fit and I like,
I think Hanes makes a like moisture wicking shirt that's very much like a cotton shirt,
but it has a slightly different feel and it really is a cooler shirt like if you're outside
working you'll notice that like ah that feels cold right there because it's you know it's
evaporating the moisture away creating infection make oh that uh the high performance fabric like
the dry fit and that family of things like it it is a massive difference between that and like a
thick cotton t-shirt but again the the issue is that at least for me is like any hint of a man
boob you have if you don't have like fucking pecs like like it's gonna fucking not ripped it's not
a good look yeah it's not a good look and some of them are so thin you can see chest hair through
them and and at least it doesn't look good chest hair goes through no i see the ripple of it that
is worse that but what i'm actually seeing is like, I'll just lay it out there.
This is not flattering.
But there's like nipple, maybe even, you know, hard one.
And then around it, chest hair.
And if you can see that through the shirt, it's not the look I'm going for.
I've never been able to see my chest hair through a shirt.
That's not much of a shirt at all.
I have absolutely been able. Woodyody you're 100 right because when i wear like under armor or any of
that more like porous uh performance wear if i look down and like you make like your chest
tight up against it you'll just see like a crop right here like sprigs of hair coming out and
it's like i can't go to the gym like this looks like an asshole i don't think i have what it takes to make this happen i i i just don't
think so i just got not very much hair here yeah i think i'm in between the two of you but uh
yeah all right so i will i think it's gonna go to dicks i should lay it out there for the
salesperson be like look this is what we're working with nothing nothing
makes you take your love handles more seriously than putting on a t-shirt of performance fabric
that is one size too small i recommend everyone do it if you're a little bit overweight put on
put that on turn to the side and look in the mirror and go and look at yourself and don't
look away make yourself look for a little bit make yourself look look at yourself. And don't look away. Make yourself look for a little bit. Make yourself look. Look at the curvature of that
fucking fat.
It helps.
So do that. Self-shaming
works. I'm hoping that the
CPAP machine is part of it.
I feel like y'all are going to
sleep better, have more energy.
So far it's been good. I haven't lost weight,
but I've been feeling better. I'm hoping
that it's slowly... We should all lose lost weight, but I've been feeling better. I'm hoping that it's slowly... We should all lose
some weight, get in better shape.
Yes.
I'm going to kill me if I join the call.
By the way, Woody, I would recommend that shirt.
This one I'm wearing?
Anthony, you there?
Guys, can you hear me?
Yes. Yes, we can.
Cool.
We are already in the middle of the show.
Sorry, I just got home.
Oh, no worries. What were you up to?
Doing the show, and then I take the train home, and yeah, that's always a treat.
Oh, you're in New York. You have a place where you do the show now that's not at home, don't you?
Yeah, good and a drag, kind of.
You know, I kind of like just rolling out of bed
and doing the show,
but we haven't done the show from my house in over a year,
so it's back to Manhattan.
It's just easier to get guests and whatnot.
But yeah, the train, I like driving in,
but whenever it rains,
like people think it's a meteor shower, and it's just the worst trying to drive.
So I try to save that for nice days.
And you take the train.
Is it a nice train, the New York train there?
It's the Long Island Railroad.
So it's been there for years, lot of old equipment people on the phones that
just don't like here's me on my phone on the train yeah okay no i'll call you later
but there are people just like well jack that business deal we got and it's
loud obnoxious i don't care what they're saying And you just got to put up with it because public transportation.
And there's always a couple of gentlemen with their Beats by Dre loudly playing music that they think the whole cab will enjoy.
Yeah, yeah.
That's it.
Yeah.
Great, great.
My type of music.
I love it.
You know, whenever you're playing music and other people hear it the thought process is they're gonna like
this as much as i do yeah i'm sure the rest of the cabin will be like brown eyed girl that guy
has the makings of a dj you know thank you so much i like that too i don't even leave my fucking
music on when i'm going through the drive-through and i'm giving them money or getting the food
back because i just don't want to be that guy because i guarantee that there are people who pull through with it just booming being an asshole being like oh yeah
i'm getting my fucking mcrib like a boss and grabbing it and no nobody can you shift to the
right i've got your half cut off on my layout oh really yeah or point your now it's worse
did i miss wait wait there you go that's better thank you so much
i know how much that was fucking bothering
yeah it uh you know it's uh i i got into a bit of a trouble with my car um and i i might get my license taken away for a little
while but uh so i'm kind of getting used to public transportation is this the kind of trouble you
might get into while drinking and driving no not at all okay i never i really don't do that uh
anymore you know so you were driving like an asshole.
I was going
much too fast.
I got two
speeding tickets in one
month. Both of them
over 100 miles an hour.
So that
could be a problem. What kind of car
was it?
It's the Jaguar F-Ty-type um well that car is fine
at 100 i bet it felt like 60 it really is i tried to tell the guy that like 100 is the new 15 yeah
if you're going 100 in my 14 yearyear-old Tacoma. You're being reckless. Yeah.
But you're Jay.
They know exactly where to stay. I was taking the ferry from Connecticut over to Orient Point, Long Island.
And you get off and, like, you got to drive behind a line of cars that just got off the ferry.
So it's one lane that goes for miles and miles
and then it opens up to
two lanes. And that's
where the cop sits. Because he knows
people like me are gonna
jam on the gas
and pass everybody.
And that's exactly what happened.
And he
totally nailed me at
103.
You have so much experience with getting speeding tickets.
At this point, when you get one and you see those lights flashing,
do you still get upset and nervous, like, God damn it,
or do you just think, like, this is kind of the life I lead.
I drive fast, and this is the penalty.
This is the life we have chosen for ourselves.
Yes.
No, it's actually, I don't think I've had a cop put the lights on me in like two years, three years.
I know it's happening.
I see the cop coming up on me.
I know it's me.
So I just pull over before he even has to put his lights on.
And that's what happened.
He gets out of the car
and i don't even have an excuse at that speed he's just like is there any reason you were doing
103 the other people were also slow officer yeah yeah i tried to tell him that i go i got off the
ferry i was behind a lot you don't want to hear it and then they got to get to the safety speech
you know a lot of there's always something like i know i was speeding it's against the law that's all i need to hear from this guy but it's
like do you know there's deer around here and if it ran out on the road and he's just hypotheticals
you know if a plane crashed in the middle of the road and you hit it uh it could explode into flame
hey i i was speeding give me the ticket there's nothing worse when you're getting pulled over for speeding
than when he's like six cars back,
and you're just thinking like,
maybe a guy close near me has a taillight out like that could be.
I don't know.
Maybe he thinks he's B, right?
I've had that one too.
There's another black car.
Maybe this guy's not too bright.
The people that you've obnoxiously passed for the last 10 miles are now looking at you like,
John, my ass is a asshole.
Terrible.
I don't know.
I got court things and stuff, a lawyer taking care of that.
I'm just hoping so I don't have to go through the suspended license thing for a thing. How many times have you been speeding that you get your license suspended?
That's a lot of speeding.
Well, no, for two over 100 mile an hour tickets in a month.
Oh, that fast tracks you to getting, okay, I see.
Yeah, that's what it is.
So I'm hoping to get it.
I'll pay whatever fines they want me to pay.
I get that, you know revenue whatever but
It's the points that add up to getting your license
I had it happen once with speeding tickets and I had to take an online
safety course
Which is ridiculous. They used to send you to an actual like traffic
Classes you'd have to go to the court. It was kind of fun. You hang out with a bunch of dirtbags much like
have to go to the court it was kind of fun you hang out with a bunch of dirtbags much like that's what you got to do but uh i i ended up taking this online test and you'd think it was
good because you could just like whiz through it it's an eight hour test but i'm like i'm gonna
get right through this thing they make it where you can only finish a certain amount and then
you have to keep pressing buttons to make sure you're sitting in
front of your computer oh i rigged this shit up i am familiar with this experience i had an ex-girlfriend
who uh she uh she didn't move over there was a cop who had someone pulled over on the on the
highway and she didn't move over we have the move over law if you don't get over in the other lane
and give that guy some room you're breaking the law and she was like doing makeup while this
happened which is why she didn't notice him i never heard that part of the story and he fucking sees it go down and so he
hops in his car fucking stops her and everything and she's not even aware of the law and uh we had
to go to traffic court this whole thing and i'm in there like like waiting to see what they're
gonna do to her and while we're sitting there a cop recognizes me and like the bailiff comes and
taps me on the shoulder and they're like they want you in the back and i'm like i'm just here to watch what could this possibly be about
and like so i follow the bailiff out into this like side chamber and there's like three cops
in there and they're like told you it was him hey man nice to and i start and i'm like i'm like
they're like what are you here for and i'm like well my girlfriend's out there she's in a bit of
a jam xyz i lay it out to him he's like huh she'll be okay i'll talk to the judge for you i'm like, well, my girlfriend's out there. She's in a bit of a jam, X, Y, Z. I lay it out to him. He's like, huh, she'll be okay.
I'll talk to the judge for you.
I'm like, yeah, thank you so much.
And I'm like signing shit for him.
And we took some pictures together.
We're talking about guns for five minutes.
I go back into the courtroom and I'm like, you're golden.
So they give her like a ton of this online class you're talking about.
And so we get there and we start looking at this thing and I'm like,
we're going to jerry-rig this shit right the
fuck up. Now all you got to do
is every time this thing over here
goes ding, click this button.
And so that was her community service.
There was a timer. It would ding every
90 seconds. We were watching
Netflix and we go, click, tap
the button. And that just kept rolling
through her learning her lesson. And after a weekend or two of that it was all over yeah
that's crazy they make you sit there you can't get through it like and the worst
power she wasn't learning traffic stuff she wasn't learning driving rules
regulations they accepted a mathematics course as
her community service.
She took some advanced math class.
That's what it was.
Wait, how does that help you not try to go to cops?
I swear to God it happened.
Well, the cops right there, my trajectory,
due east, you know, if he's still
and I'm going 60 miles an hour in this direction,
I'll hit him right now.
I like to think it's not that advanced, and it's more like 70 is more than 55.
I need to slow down.
Cop number one kicks Rodney King seven times.
Cop number two kicks Rodney King nine times.
How many times has Rodney King kicked?
As many as he could take.
Yeah, probably like 60.
And then some.
They serve community service,
and I found out that that they took community service and i found
out that that qualified as community service and what it really is i think that company's based in
florida and they're accredited to like send you this piece of paper that a judge will look at and
say oh yeah you did it so all you got to do is like go through their fucking course and they
send you this paper cost about 60 70 bucks to take the course. So I got a thing for this.
I'm sure.
So in Jersey, you would go to a driving class.
This is a long time ago.
It may have changed since then.
But I would go and it was funny.
The guy would, he's teaching us how to drive safely.
And the whole class, including me,
are just a bunch of fuckwits like scoffing at his driving advice.
You know, that's the thing. And then I heard this, I saw this TV report on California. including me, are just a bunch of fuckwits scoffing at his driving advice.
That's the thing.
And then I saw this TV report on California.
Now, California had privatized their driving classes.
So the fuckwits who drive poorly would get to choose their instructors.
So out of the gate, it's a bunch of driving instructors.
And then it's like, hey, our class is taught by it's like hey our class is taught by a magician and our class is called by a comedian you took like capitalism and driving classes
and they just like lowered customers in they have like talent shows and shit that people would have
to sit through and it sounds great but terrible what used to to work, and it still works, but it's not for crazy speeding.
In New York, especially New York City, no civilians have firearms.
None of them.
It's almost impossible to get a permit.
I happened to get one.
So when I get pulled over, I hand them them my license uh registration and i also hand them my
pistol permit for new york and i go i just want to let you know that i'm you know i'm carrying
uh so no one gets nervous and it starts this whole conversation about guns and you know oh
why do you have one and i'm like well security for you know i have a lot of uh people that don't
like me a lot of enemies and it't like me. A lot of enemies.
And it starts the whole thing.
And usually they're like, oh, yeah, cool.
All right.
Well, just, you know, take it easy or don't do that or something.
But for the really crazy speeding tickets, they yell at you.
Like, you're not even responsible enough with a car.
You have a fucking gun.
So, yeah, that doesn't work well when you're really breaking the traffic laws.
So it doesn't work well when they pull you over going 110
and you go, I also have a gun.
Yeah.
Not only was I endangering people's lives
with this giant machine,
but I'm armed, too.
It could have gone worse.
It's good you got here when you did.
I've been really lucky with the speeding tickets.
I've never had a really severe one.
It's always been just on the cusp of being what Georgia calls a super speeder,
which is like 22 or 25 over the limit, something like that.
And it's that cutoff point where they start really nailing you to the goddamn wall.
And I've surpassed that limit before.
I've gone whatever it was, 23 over, 25 over, whichever.
I've done it a couple times.
And every time it's happened, I've been like,
immediately when I get pulled over, they're like,
you know how fast you were going?
And my car has that thing lasered up on the windshield.
So I'm like, 93?
He's like, like yeah exactly 93 and i'm like yeah i got no excuse uh it it feels faster than it feels slower than it is in this car uh you know i apologize i i
certainly didn't feel unsafe but uh glad you slowed me down and every single time i fucking
say that they're like you know ah let's say you're going
18 over that way you get you on down the road and this costs you 180 bucks and you keep your license
and that's been the deal uh like every time it's happened the first the first one i got uh over 100
uh before the one coming off the ferry it was on the uh parkway in the new York City limits, which is 45 mile an hour speed limit
on that. So it
was twice, anything twice
over the speed limit. He goes, I
can't arrest you right now.
And I was like, I'd appreciate
if you could find some other way
to handle this then.
So he wrote me up, but
oh my God, it's
this one's going to take some...
You're like, I was trying to hit triple the limit.
Yeah, yeah, triple. Come on, this car can do it.
A friend of mine, it wasn't a school hockey team, he played on one of my other hockey teams when we were like 16.
His dad was like loaded, but not in like the...
My dad has an awesome pool loaded.
Loaded as in like, he's got a Bentley Bentley he's got an Audi R8 he's got
he's kind of his own subdivision at the back of this other subdivision that kind of thing and he
at 16 on a road that has 45 mile an hour speed limit here in St. Louis got pulled over going 120
something in the R8 and got arrested because I guess being like hey I'm 16 isn't enough when
they're like no no no
you're coming we got to get this straightened out this isn't the kind of car you speed in this isn't
a tacoma and he had to keep coming to our hockey practices and because his dad was like involved
and loved it and he made his son sit in all of the locker rooms and get dressed in all the stinky
shit just to sit there and watch everybody else
play for like weeks. Weeks
on end to punish this kid.
No driving, no doing anything. You have to get
dressed and just watch your friends. Not even on the bench.
You have to stand where the parents are
dressed up like an asshole
and watch.
He didn't speed anymore.
So there you go. That's cruel, man.
It's fucking dangerous.
I always talk about my buddy in high school that fucking died like that at 18.
Cars are fast.
You're barely an adult.
We had a couple deaths too.
You know what happened in Ocean City?
Some kids who went to Ocean City High School came from offshore.
Onshore, whatever it is.
The mainland.
So they would have to come over to bridge to get to
our island and the this like driving into the sun like that it blinds you and it seemed like every
year some like they're new drivers right so they're just learning they cross the center line
head to head and die oh i i don't like speeding on highways for any length of time.
I like acceleration.
Like, that's the fun part, getting up to a speed really fast.
And then I'll back it down because it's impossible, especially in this area,
to really just go balls out for any length of time.
You're going to hit some traffic.
But, like, passing a few cars and then you see an open stretch
and just want to hear the engine and get pushed back in your seat,
it's a blast.
Like I just, you know, it's hard to put it in your head like,
well, it is illegal.
And if I see an open stretch, you just do it.
And then, oh, shit, I got caught again.
So my Tacoma doesn't really do that.
But I will say this.
Sometimes I measure my forward
progress by the cars I'm passing.
If I was just to be in traffic
at the same speed as everybody
else, I feel like I'm not going anywhere.
I just need to be...
Even if it's just walking past the other
cars, that's my normal
state. And as I slowly pass
cars, I sort of know where everybody
is. Like, alright, I just passed that guy. Now I know that that blind spot if you're not even wiped off through the traffic you're you're you're completely
You know every you know where everybody is in relation to you at all times if you are just sitting in the pack
Then people can move around
Forward and backwards get in your blind spots and you constantly have to be checking and craning your head
But if you're going a solid 10 miles an hour faster than anybody around forward and backwards, get in your blind spots, and you constantly have to be checking and craning your head.
But if you're going a solid 10 miles an hour faster than anybody,
every time you pass a car, it's in your head,
that car tracking backwards behind you and the knowledge as you watch it pass and you're mirrored that, yeah, now I can move this way and that way.
Yeah, that guy's gone.
All right, that guy's out of my freaking hair.
Yeah, I almost don't have the skill set to be an average speed driver.
You know, like I have to look around like crazy.
I don't know where they are.
I'm double checking.
There's a spider on me.
And here.
Kill it.
I don't kill spiders.
Whatever.
He's fine.
Sometimes they give you powers.
Right?
You don't know.
Don't fuck him off right away.
It was a wolf spider.
They're invited around here.
So anyway, yeah, that's how I like to drive. Just a wolf spider. They're invited around here.
That's how I like to drive.
Just a little bit faster than everybody else.
I like looking a few moves ahead.
I can see the speed of that guy compared to that.
There's going to be a space by the time I get there.
I'll be able to move into it.
Constantly assessing.
What's the most fantastical movie?
Go ahead with your question. was gonna say to woody because i you said oh i don't kill spiders i always meet these non-spider killer folk who
are like i'm like oh it's gross kill it and they're like oh i don't kill spiders i release
them harmlessly out into the wild so they can continue to do god's good work or whatever
nonsense it is like i i always have it in my head like yeah that's a little bit humane next time i see a spider i'm gonna do it and never it's my first instinct of oh
is is all like i was like oh fuck now it's too late you know like i they saw i rarely kill bugs
um most of the time i don't i just don't want to deal with it if i if i if it's a moth or a stink
bug or something i throw it out the window if it's a moth or a stink bug or something, I throw it out the window.
If it's a spider, I might do that or I might just let it take care of moths and stink bugs.
Typically.
I don't kill much.
What's the most fantastical movie
that you could show to some primitives
in the Amazon rainforest and they fucking buy it?
And you could totally blow their goddamn minds
that this is the new way of the world.
This is what it's like out there now.
Could you show up in fucking New Guinea somewhere
with Independence Day and show them that shit
and be like, we've come here
because the big white man cities are all gone.
This is what happened.
And it gets to that scene where will smith goes
welcome to earth and like punches the alien out and and all of the uh like the the indians like
ah demons demons from the sky it was foretold they and they see the tentacles and they're like
oh it is the snake god ramakhan he is here like you could we what was the most fantastical movie
we could show them and make a planet of the apes fuck with them for sure because if they're if they're like already
primitive and you're like man these these uh these chimpanzees came and they took it over
and we didn't know what to do they're so fast and strong and they'll be like we warn you many times
about the chimpanzee and no white man listen to us they say it is not a threat we keep them in the
zoo and i say you just wait
while man uh the chimp will show you sooner than later leave it to taylor to go straight to the
chimp right he's like oh plan of the apes for sure yeah of course taylor's got a monkey thing
yeah that plan of the apes movie like this new class of it they're making the trilogy out of
and that cgi is so fucking good they'll buy it they'll be they will like start screaming at the
sky when they see that eight start talking like their minds and it would be shattered i'd like to do that
that sounds pretty fucked up but i'd love to go to one of those places and and maybe not show them
independence day or planet of the apes but i think i've talked about it before i saw that youtube
video where they just showed them the moon landing and like enormous air in like Dubai and uh and you know uh artillery fire and war
shit like that honestly I would start with one tribe of people and I'd show them Lord of the
Rings as like kind of a barometer for how ridiculous I can go and if even them were like
there's no trolls here man I'll be like like, alright, you caught me. All the elders gathered
around like they're in the hut.
They smoke fire by smoking
some herb or something as they want to do.
And the film ends
for the eighth time and it's
finally all over.
I can just see him looking at you, smoking his
peace pipe.
Why did Gandalf not
have the eagles fly them there immediately?
And I should be like, fuck! Where's the next closest tribe?
And don't send a runner, because I can't beat them there.
You fucks are quick.
Taylor, what is the answer to that?
To the eagles thing?
Honestly, I've heard explanations from big Lord of the Rings fans.
I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan, but none of them, to me, seem acceptable.
Like, it does, like, they'll be like, oh, well, the Eagles weren't available then.
It's like, well, did they have an appointment?
Like, couldn't they have just pushed back the returning of the ring?
Like, if that were the issue and Gandalf was like, hey, head Eagle, like, tuesday the 17th through friday uh the 19th or 20th uh you're available now i'm gonna have to
do the next week all right i'll just tell frodo to hang back actually he doesn't even know the
ring's magic yet i won't even tell him you know what this is gonna work out better anyway i had
something planned okay excellent like that's what it would be but the actual explanation is not does
not hold water so yeah that is an easy thing to poke through in Lord of the Rings.
They should have just flown, at least, and I've heard people say they couldn't have flown the eagles in the mortar.
The Nazgul would have killed them.
They probably would have.
But the eagle could have given them like a shuttle, you know, like way, way closer.
Get me within fucking eyeshot of the thing.
Like get me to the Black Gate.
Get me through the swamps.
Get me so that it's two days ride.
Get me to Osgiliath at least. Let me skip Moria. The Nazarath. They're the swamps. Get me so that it's two days ride. Get me to Osgiliath at least.
Let me skip Moria. The Nazarath.
They're the little, whatever,
like, they're in the robes
and they go after you and stuff. They're basically dragons.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know
why they're so much more susceptible to them
on Eagleback than they are walking around.
No, no, no. It was just
like when people say, like, they could have just flown them right to
Mount Doom. It's like, well, the Nazgul would have killed them and when they go into uh sauron's realm all their
like magical eagle shit would have made them weaker or whatever because they're around all
that dark magic or whatever yeah i've read that before something about you know but they could
have dropped him off past moria like just like take me one stop past moria i will appreciate it
infinitely how how about this? I was just
thinking this, because I love movies
myself. Maybe Gandalf
kind of knew that
unless Frodo had
suffered and seen the
evil and
really experienced what it was
to carry this ring so far,
he might have been tempted
at that last minute to not
throw it into the...
I like that. I like that explanation.
That's the best explanation I've heard.
But the problem with it is the exact opposite proved true.
Frodo could have
easily handed the ring off
early in the story, back when he was
willing to.
He tried to give it to the Elven woman.
He offered the ring to Galadriel.
Take it! Take it! You would offer me such power! I would be a queen as terrifying was willing to give it to the elven woman galadriel he offered the ring to galadriel take it take it
you would offer me such power i would be a queen as terrifying as the dawn or whatever
so goddamn hot kate blanchett is the villain in the new ragnarok movie the thor movie
so pumped for that she still looks so goddamn hot she looks as good as she did as galadriel in this
movie that's coming out in 2017 pumped for that but that. But yeah, in the end, he was like,
no, I'm keeping the ring.
Because it had been too long.
It's hard to write your way out of that.
But it's required that he suffers through that
or you don't get the whole story.
Or you don't get the story.
It'd be a story like that.
What is he called in the Jocelyn?
The wonderful and very brief tale of Frodo and Bacchus.
Everyone was anticipating this war would get really out of control.
Thank God it never really took off.
The great cold orc war.
A lot of forces built up, no triggers pulled.
All right, so Governor steps down over marriage allegations yeah did you hear
the audio uh tape no what did he do so so um he was carrying on i hope i'm right about this he's
carrying on an affair i think it might have been a staffer that's what it always is right which i
think is code for a lady i gave a job so I can fuck. You see right through it.
And whenever I hear
his staffer, that's all I hear. And I think
that someone recorded a
conversation between the governor
and that woman, and in it he says,
you know, when I'm standing behind
you and I put my hands on
your breasts and I
pull you close to me, I
love that. I love it. And he's just it's not sound nice
like it's not nasty or anything it's just it's him telling this woman he's like i like being
with you when i'm with you when i touch you i love it but but he's a married man and so in an
effort to try to keep this recording on the down low however it originated i don't know that
he he seeks the help of law enforcement that that work under him he's like find this tape and and destroy any copies you
may find of me talking about titties and such and i think that abuse of power and then the lies and
then of course the hypocrisy that goes along with all this because this is that anti-gay you know
real marriage is all what matters kind of Republican.
See, the thing is this.
He claimed if you let gay people get married, that it would undermine marriages,
that marriages like his, you know, wouldn't be what they used to be.
And I feel like, you know, that happened, what, two years ago they made gay marriage legal?
And now his marriage is already ruined.
He's proven right.
Yeah. Honestly honestly you're right
you can't prove that gay marriage didn't ruin this man's
that's what i'm saying we is getting married it just shattered i've been married for 40 years
i thought i'm gonna grab some titties 48 years never never a problem. Now he gets to 50 and all of a sudden
he's grabbing titties and hiring staffers.
Maybe he was sitting there thinking
like, goddammit, now even the gays
get to fuck whoever they want.
I'm stuck in this relationship.
Fucking next level politician right here.
I would have said,
I would have came out and released the recording
myself, publicly.
And I'd be like, many of you may have heard this recording of me speaking in an untoward way to one of my interference.
Let me play you the rest to the tape.
And it gets to that point.
But he adds on and doctors it.
So when it normally cuts off, he's like, and I'm glad I found that lump and saved your life.
And I know that, you know,
you'll live many years forward in God's grace,
and I'm glad I was able to kill you.
If everybody found out this man
they're trying to throw under the bus
was actually just a friendly guy
giving titty exams on the fly.
I wish that we had that Dr. Tape ready for the show.
Now, a lot of people might think it's odd
for an old-school Republican Alabama governor to just go off reading his own romantics fan fiction to his glasses in the office
you understand it's a way that i get off so to speak you know
gloves on he's like oh health care program certainly does not cover many things.
But that's that coverage.
Come here, man.
Come here, man.
Didn't he say that he wasn't going to vote for Trump back then?
Yes, he did.
Because of Trump's scandalous remarks.
He's a titty grabber.
Yeah.
Well, at least... I doubt this guy
had an open relationship with his
wife. I very much doubt it. Right, well, she
did leave him over it, much like Trump's first
two wives. It's kind of a thing.
Not millennia.
You know?
He's not, but...
That's pretty funny, that
the guy who was all pissed off about
sanctity of marriage ended up not sanctifying his own marriage.
Oh, my God.
I feel like the new gay – like, you ever used to be, like, the effeminate accent and stuff like that?
The new gay is now, like, gay-hating Republican.
Yeah.
Like, if you pass some anti-gay laws, you're so gay.
It's always the way, the ones that are the sanctity of marriage, they're out there just
screwing everybody.
The ones that are so anti-gay, they're out in the rest stops, tapping their feet underneath
the bathroom stalls.
Yeah.
I've invited five prominent members of the gay community the most promiscuous
as such to come privately into my chambers and explain to me in great detail what their concerns
are and see what i can do to remedy them do not bother me this is gonna be a long meeting any
noise you will ignore the guys that are interested in uh in like children's groups and helping kids are always, oh my God, literal children fall out of their computers.
Not even pictures.
We all know nice guys, right?
The nicest guy I know, I know who it is.
It's Richard Ryan.
He is the nicest human being I know.
For your benefit, Anthony, he's a big YouTuber.
I thought it might have been me when he was going.
Okay, yeah, Richard beats me.
He works at the Discovery Channel.
He does slow-mo photography.
Really intelligent, bright guy.
Incredibly hardworking.
And at the drop of a hat, he'd fly across the country and help me with some shit that I needed to do in my backyard.
And he'd be here in two days.
I know he would.
And it's not that we're best friends or anything.
He's just that cool of a guy, that great of a guy.
I don't see him doing any children's charities.
He's not that great. guy, that great of a guy. I don't see him doing children's charities. He's not that great.
Nobody is that great.
You see them devoting all their time to little boys clubs.
They're playing t-ball on Saturday.
On Monday, they're at the little boys club
of America with the hurt kids.
This guy is looking for
kids who are vulnerable.
There's plenty of scenarios where he is just the
nicest guy in the world he wants to help kids but i don't i think they're rare and far and few it's
the kind of guy who would volunteer to coach a t-ball team even though he has no children yeah
he's just he just wants to help coach you know i just enjoy kids and athletics and i like you know
really manning them up. The real,
the guys that really help kids are
just the ones that write a check and send it off to the
Shriners Hospital or something.
Never, ever
seeing one of them except on television
or something, but that's about it.
The second you get personally involved,
you're suspect.
Yeah, it's like, people are
still surprised.
Wait, all I heard was Kyle raise his hand
and say, fuck kids.
I said, you've never seen me helping some
fucking kids. Dude, everything but fuck kids
got cut off.
Kyle just goes, fuck kids.
If we want to get that out there, I'd like that out
for the record as well.
You know what? I would know something was wrong if kyle sent me
like a text one day and it was like a picture of him and a kid and he's like helping him dig a hole
whatever the fuck you do with kids and like like i would be like what's wrong with you like you've
taken a turn in life and i don't i don't like it if i just started hanging out with a kid like like
i'm gonna give you an example of a guy who i don't think it has any ill intent cody garbrandt the uh 135 pound ufc champ um he's got this this like 12 year old
kid with cancer or leukemia or some shit that like he's one of those make-a-wish uh kids and
you know how those fuckers be lying about that shit just to get in oh yeah no but genuinely
although i am starting to suspect because this kid has been with Cody
since before he was champ.
And every time he wins,
he brings out the cancer kid and puts a
belt on him or puts his arm around him like,
this is the real champion! Or the
kid will come out when they're walking out.
That kid survives through
two more title defenses. I'm calling bullshit.
I'm calling bullshit! I'm calling bullshit.
He's got a bald head.
I get that he doesn't look like he feels good.
He's wearing that belt well.
He's not collapsing under the weight.
Kid's hair is patchy.
That was the first
Make-A-Wish kid.
That was the first Make-A-Wish kid, and he
wished for more wishes, and so they had
to be like, fuck, I can't believe we
Okay, well, you got us. Alright.
Write that in from now on.
So he's just there now. I like to think he's like a
goldfish. Like, the kids actually died a couple
times. They just found, like, a replica
and they tricked Cody Garbrandt.
Weekend at Bernie's. They're just shaking
this dead kid's body.
The goldfish dies, and the parents just buy a new one and tell the kid that it didn't.
Like Morris the cat or Air Bud or any one of the jackals.
I went on like a YouTube tangent of Make-A-Wish videos like a month ago maybe.
And good God, was that a mistake.
That is just so sad like even watching it you just you want to
cry almost because some kid is like and for some reason kids who are dying of cancer love
professional wrestling i have no idea why but they love it because it's yeah they do like
every other make a wish is like i want to see John Cena or I want to see The Rock or whoever other wrestlers.
I don't know shit about wrestling, but
they love it. It's so sad
seeing kids totally crippled
and being like, are you enjoying yourself today,
Susan? And she's
loving it.
She's loving it. It's like, oh, this
is so sad. I just saw John Cena
with a kid, right? I just saw that
today, too. I think the kid might have had cerebral palsy or something.
The kid just did not have control of any of his body.
And he's like, I don't know.
The kid's really in a bad way.
And then he's juxtaposed against John Cena, who has, I don't know,
one of the better bodies on the planet to have ever been a body.
And he's just like, hey, how know, how you doing this, that?
It's like, oh, my God, you have so much and he has so little.
It seems wrong, but it is what it is.
But it makes you really like it because you watch those guys and you're like,
man, I don't know shit about wrestling, but John Cena, I love that guy now
because he seems like a genuine, good-hearted guy.
Robert Downey Jr. does that shit too.
Remember when he went and gave that kid with no arm an Iron Man arm that they had made for him and he even shows up like he's tony stark and the kid
ain't buying it it kind of ruins the video if i'm being honest because the premise was this
the robert downey jr is like i'm gonna fucking go in there as iron man i'm going in as tony stark
wearing the suit hair coiffed being being a kind of like kind of a dick and i'm gonna give this kid
an iron man arm and he's gonna be blown away and I'm going to give this kid an Iron Man arm,
and he's going to be blown away. And he gets in there, and the kid's
like, oh shit, it's Robert Downey Jr.
Hello, sir. I love your films.
He's not like, oh my god, it's Iron Man.
He's too old to buy into their
horseshit, but they play it up anyway because
they put this whole thing together that way,
and there's lawyers involved. You know.
There was a contract signed.
This was a thing
mr downey and iron man would be two wishes and so you get one i'm so sorry to be that guy here
but rules rules you know like did the kid have to be like i'm sick not retarded i know you're an
actor like did you see the clip of the kid uh he i guess he has
cerebral palsy or something and uh he was a i guess wanted to be a wrestler wrestler like real
wrestling high school wrestling and they just laid him on the floor there's a video of it they lay
him on the mat and a real wrestler kid from the school comes in, and he's got to pull the kid on top of him to have him pin him
so he wins the match.
It was so like – I see what they were going for,
but it only showed how like, oh, stop, this is terrible.
Although I've seen similar but better.
Find someone weaker for that one to beat up.
Sometimes they do it in basketball.
And, like, the game's virtually over, right?
It's, like, 30 points score different or something.
And they just keep feeding it to this guy.
Like, miss, miss, miss, miss.
His fifth shot goes in and the crowd goes wild.
That stuff's kind of cool, actually.
I do like that.
Like, you have to, like, put yourself not even in the position of the person who's being kind of glorified, I like that like you have to like put yourself but not even in the
position of the person who's being kind of glorified i guess because you can't understand
fully because they're dealing with something like cerebral palsy that's just awful but
like it just helps to believe that they really are enjoying it and being like ah that just really
must be their best day but when you see something like what anthony's talking about where that
person with cerebral palsy has to be laying there being like you know that my mind is fine
Right, you know that it's my body. That's fucked up and everybody is cheering at me like I'm retarded
Yes in my opinion the worst thing that people can do to you is pity you that's the worst
I would prefer you to hate me. I would prefer you to think just about anything of me, but don't fucking pity me
I know there was a kid in my grade with cerebral palsy right so he had a nurse with him all the time push him
from class to class whatever she kind of served as a private tutor almost like you know the guys
out there teaching in the class but she'd be like are you sure you get this whatever and he did great
in school he did fantastic and all the other mothers including my own was like this
kid is so smart it's such a shame like he would be president world leader greatest guy ever and
like me as his peer is like what that teacher's assistant helps him on the tests right she's just
there to make sure he gets everyone right it's fourth grade we could all kick ass in fourth grade right we would be incredible at it and it's like he's not that smart he just there to make sure he gets everyone right. It's fourth grade. We could all kick ass in fourth grade.
We would be incredible at it.
And it's like, he's not that smart.
He just got a fucking tutor who teams up with him on every test.
Woody, have you ever seen My Left Foot with Daniel Day-Lewis?
It's been forever.
I feel like I don't know it.
I bet you haven't seen it because you're a movie buff.
So in My Left Foot, he plays this guy, a true story about this guy with cerebral palsy who only had the use of his left foot.
And he became a writer and a painter and a number of other things.
And Daniel Day-Lewis looks like he has cerebral palsy in this scene.
I don't know if you want to watch it or not.
But it's, I mean, 10 seconds of this and you'll be like, whoa, that guy looks like he has cerebral palsy.
That's incredible.
Yeah, I think he won an Academy Award for that.
He did.
Yeah, I'm just watching him on silent, just getting, like, the first 10 seconds.
He's got the whole, like, neck tension and, like, the neck tension, the tight left side.
Platonic love!
Like, he's just coming on.
Dude, that's got to honestly be one of the worst fucking things to deal with ever is cerebral palsy.
It looks exhausting.
It does.
Like, you're constantly moving.
You don't even want to be moving.
Like, you don't even find motor skills.
You need help with it.
Oh, that's got to be torture.
He's drinking out of that straw straw and the woman is telling him
Basically that she doesn't love him and he's like you love me
And he's like
The whole restaurant is like...
Oh, that's in a restaurant?
Yeah, and they're like,
take the drink away from him.
Take it away.
He's like, no!
No!
I tried four times.
Wait, how is he drinking it?
Is someone else?
They fucking...
He like leans down and drinks from the straw.
It's whiskey.
Yeah.
Okay, I need to watch
this you told me to watch this recently because i was trying to watch daniel day lewis things
but this this just looks so this is gonna make me real sad and i don't want to watch it let me tell
you the beginning and maybe this will get you started as a boy in ireland they thought he was
retarded they thought that it was in his head that was the issue not muscular dystrophy or or
excuse me,
um, cerebral palsy, I think is, I think is what it is. Um, and so he just kind of rolls around on
the floor in their home and like, I don't know, I don't recall the year, but it's, it's not modern
day for, for, for it by any means. Um, and he's just rolling around on the floor down there while
they teach the other children how to read and write at the kitchen table. And a piece of chalk
rolls onto the floor where he's laying there and he manages to manipulate that chalk and like write start writing letters and they're all just like
everybody come come look come look and like when they see that he's able to i don't recall where
it is maybe he writes his name maybe it's like i'm in here or something like that but the dad
who thought his son was just an embarrassment and a disgrace and all this is overjoyed he just
lifts this child on his shoulders and runs to the bar where he like frequents and he's like this is
my boy this is my boy and like like it's it's it's so triumphant for this little kid to just
to make that step from being living being locked in his own head on the fucking floor in the filth
and everyone thinking that he's basically a shell that isn't it's hardly even human because there's no brain in there that's
what they thought at the time to suddenly realize that's my boy that's there's nothing wrong with
him he just has he just can't use his hands he can use his left foot look at him go so depressing
it is so depressing here here maybe this will make you want to watch this movie where your
reservation is that it's sad well it starts out where the guy the handicapped man is rolling
around writhing on the floor and everyone's ignoring him and then he his alcoholic father
i'm going to infer that because it's a sad movie runs into the bar and says this is my boy this is
my boy yours do you think you're such so great because he can play football or like
whatever he says like that's not this is gonna be sad i don't even want to watch you should watch
it so you see daniel day lewis do his thing because this is probably his best performance
just because of what he's doing because he's doing that cerebral palsy thing while portraying
the character and it's not like he's doing a cerebral palsy accent of himself like he also he hits that like early 20th century
irish accent like he researches these accents and you know you gotta do an accent and give it
cerebral palsy that's acting right there man meryl streep's never done that no no and of course he
believes in method acting and he so he lives in those characters, and he's obsessive about the accents and stuff.
I'm blown away by that guy.
I watched There Will Be Blood and Lincoln and My Left Foot.
There Will Be Blood is great.
Yeah, that's incredible.
Twisted.
Yeah, I want to watch more of his.
I think, I like movies that are like,
they have the sad, but they have that,
like, you know, at least entertaining.
Like Sling Blade comes to mind as one that made me sad, but I also really, really liked.
I love you, boy.
Whereas this one, My Left Foot, makes me think it'd be way, way sadder.
I hate Carl.
Yeah.
You sound like Reese Coral.
I kind of want to put my arm around you for a minute.
Happy other times.
I love you boy the tears are dripping off my chin
like i've stopped wiping them away and i'm just i'm just like yeah my tear i'm just i'm just
teary now this is where i am because it's so goddamn fucking sad i i have a real hard time
watching that thing but i love the movie and I've seen it a bunch of times. Is there a movie that you put on
when you want an emotional
cry-y movie, like a go-to?
Or do you just... I don't care for that.
I really don't like crying
at movies. I do it a lot, but
I try to avoid the movies that
make me do that. Chandler's List makes
me fucking cry. Sophie's Choice, of course.
Any movie where
there's that scene in
the will smith movie uh where his dog dies when they're fighting the zombies um um it was that
remake of the charles heston movie i am legend yeah like that makes me cry often when animals
die like i've never cried as an animal die yeah you know old yeller gets fucking shot as a kid
that's a tearjerker um yeah man man, I cry a lot in movies.
I do too, but it's about the victory, not the sadness.
I cry when, like, Mulan wins.
I cry when, like, Elsa says that she's going to let it go.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, there was a second there during Mulan where you really thought that she was fucked.
I'll make a man
out of you.
You know, like that.
Yeah, it's
not when they're upset or
losing. That's not the stuff that gets me.
Didn't a guy
get hurt? When they cripple that guy,
that's what's sad. Don't give a fuck.
Don't give a fuck. Show me when they win.
That's when I get tied in. I get sad during the crippled part. When they won, I was like, yeah, but your friend's crippled the QB or what. Don't give a fuck. Show me when they win. That's when I get tied in.
I get sad during the crippled part. When they won, I was like,
yeah, but your friend's crippled!
No, we won.
Fucking high school, you dummies! He's crippled
forever!
None of you can remember this in six years.
You'll be saying, man, that poor fuck who got
paralyzed when we drove recklessly.
And it's Texas football. We always win,
but he'll never walk. He'll never walk. Yeah and it's texas football we always win but he'll never walk
yeah it's about let me add read here i want to tell everyone a bit i want to come back to sad
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uh so taylor want to talk side movies you want to do something in between then
i have what you got let me see ohio woman guilty of raping a male taxi driver?
Ah, did she penetrate him?
I think that's usually what's required for rape.
We were talking about manslaughter versus third-degree murder.
He's got to be penetrated.
She blew him.
That's not rape.
That's not rape?
Yeah, so what happened was There was a third person involved His name was
Fuck
His name used to be in here
Anyway I remember it being a guy's name
And so I think there's a
Carter
Wait
Corey Jackson was the other guy
Corey Jackson held a knife against the taxi driver's coat
He's 20 years old H held a knife against the taxi driver's coat.
He's 20 years old.
Held a knife against his throat,
and then Brittany Carter performed a sex act on him,
which I interpreted to mean blowing.
I don't know where I got that from.
That's got to ruin a blowjob to feel like you could be killed at any moment.
It could make it better.
I don't think it was a blowjob. I mean, David Carradine disagrees.
You're being a little judgy, Taylor. That not a blow up something else happened like she could have
fucked him with a dildo like that's what rape would be she'd have to sodomize him um or or
or something like that like i don't think she blew him i mean like you can get rid of the knife man
like i'll just sit here it's still rapey if she blows him it's just not legally
rapey that's not legally rape if she blows him a knife point because absolutely
that's that's rapity rape rape it's gotta be rape how you can be pro knife blowies i don't know
right we're not pro we're just saying legally we don't know. No, no, I'm pretty fucking sure, because I think there has to be penetration for it to be a rape.
Now, you can force sex acts upon someone, but if you don't penetrate them, then you have not raped them.
You've done something else that's also illegal.
But what about if someone leaves a mean comment on Twitter that you don't like?
That's rape too, right?
Yeah, that's rape.
What happens to you when you play me in Call of Duty?
That's rape.
That's rape.
I heard this story.
They also stole like 30 some odd dollars from him,
which almost seems like this was a real hard sell prostitution thing.
Like, hey, you will let her blow you and you will pay her 32
but then somebody else suggested that perhaps this is one of those like gonzo sex videos
like the guy recorded it and wants to like sell it online or something or put it up on a website
have you seen the video because Because in both articles I read,
it's an unspecified sex act.
Yeah, I have not seen it.
I assume it was a blowjob too.
Yeah, I don't know where I got that,
but I really want to know what the sex act is.
Anything else would seem a little too complicated.
Right, a knife against the throat?
Yeah.
I don't know. We're all just thinking about it I'm thinking about
what man do you have to put a knife to his throat to give him a blowjob right like like that seems
like the rarity here that's the surprising part you tell me a woman raped a man I'm like oh really
but then you tell me that a man had to be held at knife point to receive a blowjob yeah I call
horse shit on that the whole thing about it being so easy for women to get laid i think is only partly true right like i feel like if a girl
goes out that night hoping to have sex and she's even average looking she'll probably nail it but
she might have to work a little bit if you just raise your hand at a restaurant and say you'll
fuck will there really be a suitor if you did it that way there would be i would stand up and say you'll fuck will there really be a suitor if you did it that way there would be i would stand
up and say yes right over here but but realistically what happens in modern day i'm i i know for a fact
is that you know you hop on twinder tinder and uh you'll find it got real fucking quick and it'll
just be over or what girl who's an attractive 20 early 30 something doesn't have like eight dicks
in a bottle that she can text right there's like eight fucking dudes on her phone who want to fuck her but she's not fucking
them and they ain't going nowhere and if she wants to get fucked she'll text one of them because she
knows that guy she knows he's not gonna get rapey and like uh or anything like that she's not gonna
steal his shit if she meets some stranger off of tinder like i don't think there are women
struggling to get some dick i saw a youtube video where a guy tried to pick up girls
by asking them out.
As soon as they're filming it,
he's like, hey, you know what? You look really nice.
Would you like to go get coffee or something?
Everyone was like, oh my god, you're so
brave. You're doing this old school.
Now, I've been out of the game forever.
Is it really that
outrageous to talk to
a stranger and ask her for coffee or something?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it is.
I think we've reached the point where no one would do that anymore.
Why?
Why would you?
It's like, oh, let me just for no reason start a fire with two sticks here on my stove instead
of you just turning the knob.
So what I don't do is like, i don't remember the last time that i
just approached a stranger but there's definitely been plenty of times where like i don't know maybe
the girl you see every day at the gas station or the girl who does your coffee every day like
you're not building a relationship but like you see that person every day and and say hey have
a nice day and you know here's my three dollars and etc like totally ask that person for their
number before i've done that a bunch of times like a person you see every day but you have no idea
what their name is or where they live or what they do
outside of this, or even if they're single or committed or whatever,
you're just going, but, but approaching a direct stranger, that's,
that's a pretty, that's kind of back in the nineties.
Like you'd see a cute cashier and be like, you know, you look great.
Do you want to do something now? I guess that's down near rapey.
do something. Now I guess that's down near rapey.
I guess girls in your class, you can still ask
out girls you're in school with, right? Like in college
or high school. Oh yeah, of course.
I don't think there are any girls you can't ask out
unless they work for you. Unless the staff
are.
You've already asked them out. That's how they got the job.
That's how they got the damn job.
Anthony, let's talk about House of Cards. Do you have any more sad movies that uh that you're thinking of any more sad thinking of uh
green mile where um yeah yeah oh oh when percy kills that rat i get so like like i i so rarely stand up and like get upset at things on tv
like i used to i'm a blues fan so i do i used to a lot and then i was like this is it's never
going to get better stop stressing yourself and and that's still one scene in the movie where like
i'll stand up and get like angry i'm just like god damn it like you not because of the rat because
uh john over there that's all he wanted
he just wanted a little bit of companionship and percy that little cunt had to take it from him oh
oh that wasn't no rat that was that was suikers mouth yeah
suikers mouth that's a suikers mouse ball that cajun shit Slick as mouse. That's it. Slick as mouse, boss. Slick as mouse. That Cajun shit.
All he did was cheer everybody up.
I can see a flicker show.
Yeah.
That movie is so goddamn sad.
It's great.
Great movie.
I mean, Forrest Gump makes me cry, too.
You know?
Which part of Forrest Gump makes you cry?
Where he realizes that she's not into him at all because he's mentally retarded?
There's a bunch of scenes. Just kind of the way he gets treated by jenny and it's sort of like
builds it's not that like a thing happens and i cry it like builds over time like he's in vietnam
writing her these letters and you see that she's just fucking running around fucking black panthers
or whatever the fuck they get like taking taking 12 inches of black panther cock somewhere while
forest is over there fighting charlie for our freedoms dude i the parts that i like about forest gump like um when he starts running and
all of a sudden like running is a superpower and the braces like fly off his legs into some sort of
yard sale scene and and he's just tearing off and then like i think he instantly ages and like
zips by a football field and they're all all like, God damn, right? I don't remember how much of childhood.
They say it's because of my brain.
That's pretty good, actually.
I can't remember things well.
When he rescues all those people in Vietnam.
Those are the scenes about Forrest Gump that make me excited.
General said, thank God you're too dumb to be scared.
I think the saddest part of that're too dumb to be scared.
I think the saddest part of that one's got to be when he meets his kid,
the little kid from Sixth Sense.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Now, that's the moment that triggers the crying.
That and the preceding scenes where he drops the kid off at school and you remember his first day at school.
And then the point where I start audibly crying is when he
visits fucking jenny's grave he's like i try to do the best i can with our retarded but i'm i'm not
very bright jenny i wish you were here and it's just like oh my god this is fucking sad you got
apple money get a smart bitch in there. Lined up to fucking Mobile
to get a hold of that retarded cock.
Forget her ass.
There is this mother and wife
out there.
Six presidents, four fucking hero,
like Apple millionaire,
your own Bubba Gump shrimp corporation.
You could get some pussy for us.
You don't have to fuck that nasty bitch, Jenny,
who's been fucking you over since day one.
They would have been around the block
trying to get that shrimp money
and that undoubtedly enormous retard cock.
I read the sequel to that movie.
There's a book that was a sequel
because I wanted to know what happened to Forrest Gump next.
He plays some pro ball.
He invents new coke.
He eventually covers an entire town with shit.
Yeah.
Or maybe he tries to tell them not to make new coke, I think.
At one point, the town needs an energy source.
And he figures out that the methane that the pigs are creating is an energy source.
And then everything blows up and the entire town gets covered in shit and uh that's a sequel wow
they didn't make that one into a movie that would not be curses constantly in the book he seems more
like a public nuisance yeah yeah he's a little different in the book they made him nicer for
the movie do you think that there were actual retarded people who watched
Forrest Gump and were like,
finally, thumb one for us.
Hey, whoa.
And then they
Googled Tom Hanks
misspelling both words and they realized
he's not retarded.
They see him dancing on that big piano and
he can do anything.
They cast away beard and everything i hope he make it out you know like they're following the entire arc like back to world war ii saving
private ryan and they just cry and cry like that's the last one they watch when he died
they never mentioned what our people sacrificed in the war.
We were sent in at first as meat shields.
Told to use nothing but our brute
strength to tear them limb from limb.
I have hockey talk queued up.
Oh, fuck, yeah. Alright, Taylor, I want you to watch this scene with me. I have hockey talk queued up oh fuck yeah
alright Taylor I want you to watch this scene
with me it's a fight
involving a goalie
and I think I take the unpopular opinion
that the goalie is the real
fuckhead in this thing
as Kyle leaves
as Kyle leaves it's a hockey
fight Kyle that's what you like about this
yeah it's the best part of hockey.
Alright, so
you got the link? Yeah, yeah.
For the people watching,
what's going to happen is
an asshole in black is going to skate
by a goalie. The goalie's going to
try to trip him. He goes back again
and the goalie hits him with the back of his stick.
He goes by him again, the goalie
hits him with the toe, the tip tip of his stick and then he starts beating up the goalie and which the
other team immediately gets enraged and has a problem with it let's watch ready set play
so there it is the goalie's tried to trip him and there he is the goalie hit him with the back of
his stick and now he hits him with the front of his stick.
Camera goes off, but when we pan back,
he'll already be kicking goalie ass.
It looks like the white jersey's beating him up,
but he's actually trying to pull him off
because the black jersey's just tearing him apart.
Taylor, goalie have it coming?
Somewhat he did because he tried to trip him there with his pad around the net.
But then the player also tried to trip the goalie if you watch.
As the player skates through the crease, he gives the goalie's right skate a kick with his left foot,
like a nudge to try and kick his feet out from under him.
And so they were both asking for it in a way.
And that's
really shitty oh i see it i see it yeah yeah that's really shit he tried to slew foot him and
slew footing a goalie is incredibly dangerous because they don't even have as much protection
on the back of their head as players because they don't anticipate to get hit there and so and it's
also bad because like as a goalie you're an incredibly specialized position so you can't
just be like our goalies hurt we don't have anyone else. Let's,
uh,
you just put the goalie stuff on.
Like if no,
I'm a defenseman.
I can't do it.
I literally can't.
I won't know what to do.
It's harder than it's so much harder than you think.
It's different.
Yeah. I always thought when I was a goalie that I would be especially good at
stick handling compared to most goalies.
And then I realized you have to hold it backwards and you have like a
glove instead of like,
like normally have a catcher's mitt instead of a glove. And I'm just like,
I don't know. I suck all this sudden. And yeah, it's tough. So they were both asking for it.
The biggest douche in the situation is the player though, because if you're going to get in a fight
with a goalie, you have to at least like be, do the respectful hockey thing where you throw your
gloves down and you square up, and you get ready,
and then you go at it. All he did was just tackle the goalie onto his back,
and it's like, oh, well, this fight's already won. This guy can't get up in this position.
I weigh too much, and his pads are too heavy. And usually you don't hit players who are down
in hockey. Usually, once the fight goes to the ground, it's over. In this situation,
that was the start of it. The other thing,
what about third man in on this? Because there
was instantly a third man in, and of course you
protect your goalie, but you also
never third man in.
I don't know where I stand on that.
That's just it. That's why
he did that, because there's no
squaring off to fight with a goalie.
The whole other team jumps in.
The goalie is the prima donna of the team, man.
Not a third-flyers goalie.
So if you want to get a shot on a goalie, it's got to be cheap
because the whole team is coming after you.
Hextall, Snow, those guys would fight like regular players.
That was a different era.
Hextall was a monster.
He loved to fight.
Patrick Waugh loved to fight.
A lot of those older goalies liked to fight.
Garth Snow.
Anthony's right in that I spent so many years playing goalie, it was nice to feel
like a chick at a bar where if anybody does anything to you, like I could be totally shitty
like in my crease just like hacking with my stick on someone's legs and they're like,
ah, fuck! And then if they turn around and do anything, push me, it's like immediately
a ton of white knights like, hey, get away from our pride and joy.
We're here to handle this for him now.
And it's like, oh, you guys, you shouldn't have.
It was nice to feel protected.
But you're right.
Like, you need to, if you are going to square up to a goalie, you need to know that it's a goalie.
Like, when Hextall fought, the Flyers goalie that Woody's referring to, when he fought, the he fought the Flyers knew like all right let's not invade Hextall's fighting space because he will be mad
he wants to fight like he wants to fight Garceau too not just Hextall Flyers uh they're bad
motherfuckers I want to hear the Canes led the league in penalty minutes this year I think that's
no the uh Calgary Fl, not the Hurricanes.
Oh, they might have been second,
and they were number one in penalty kill,
something like that.
Maybe I have to look it up again.
Yeah, the Flames this year got this new guy, Kachuk,
who's the son of Keith Kachuk,
who played on the Blues for years,
and he immediately came into the league
as a complete piece of shit,
just being so dirty and everything, and
single-handedly made Calgary a team last
year who had one of the lower
penalty minute teams, and he just, boom,
soared them right to the top of penalty minutes.
Anyway, Kyle's back,
and I can see that look on his face saying,
what have you done? This is my reading look. I'm reading
intensely looking for the A&A questions.
You're wearing a Blackhawks shirt. I've got one more topic, though.
Blackbeak, I'll stomp all over you it's rough i uh i put my uh my brother together for the nhl uh
playoffs uh actually the hurricanes were first in penalty minutes they were oh i'm wrong then i
thought the flames were first yeah no and they were sixth in penalty kill so um yeah go ahead sorry uh probert did you see they scattered his ashes yeah bob uh
probert probert he was a notorious fighter and they spread his ashes in the penalty box it was
really cool they were like i tell me if i have this part right were they retiring joe lewis arena
were they like closing it down or something yeah so jo So Joe Lewis Arena where the Red Wings have played for a super long time in
Detroit, they're shutting it down, moving to a new arena.
And his wife hadn't planned on doing this or anything,
but she had a locket with his ashes in it.
And they did like this ceremony,
maybe last game or something at the arena and sort of spur of the moment.
She was like, you know, I think this feels
right. And she spread his ashes in the
family box.
Oh, shit.
Am I the only one who holds
no respect or regards
for ashes of a person?
They handed me the box of my
grandma after she was cremated
and it looks like a
Chinese takeout box but
like bigger you know like maybe almost maybe 10 inches by 10 inches square and then tall
um and i was just like is it my grandma this is all that other shit y'all burn up in there like
i don't care what we do with this particular i could dump it in that trash can over there
you know i sure when i what we did is we took it to her grave
and buried it there by her head marker and everything.
But if it were me, I'd be like,
fucking dust bust me up.
Just fucking throw me anywhere.
Throw me away.
I don't get it.
She should have really held on to that locket.
Just throw me in the trash.
My personal theory is a locket full of ashes was not her entire stash. And I just act she should have really held on to that lot. Oh man the trash
Is a locket full of ashes was not her entire stash
Right don't think you like a cubic foot of someone. I feel like she could yeah fill that if she wanted to that's true He was a big man
Yeah, who gives someone a pinch of ashes and they're like that's all you know
I I bet the guy who collects the ashes after like week two is so fucking jaded that he just has, like, a pile of anonymous ashes that he has that he just scoops from the thing in there.
Just ashes, you know.
Because they're never going to know.
They're going to be like, this doesn't smell like his shampoo.
Yeah.
All right.
So there was this guy in Georgia.
And this came out maybe eight years ago
and uh he was running a crematorium but he but his furnace his cremator or whatever had broken
down like five years ago and apparently it's very expensive to get it going again so he just started
dumping the bodies on his property and giving people boxes of ashes.
I remember this story.
And what he would do with – and he just had a pile of ashes there, like you said.
And he was just like, oh, a heap for you and a heap for you.
And who cares if it's a little Joe and a little Sally and a little Billy Bob and a little Dave?
Like everybody just gets a cubic foot of something.
Someone.
I remember they were they were they were searching
his property which was rather large let's call it 15 acres or something like that in the ponds
buried in the ground in the woods and like barrels and shit just people buried every fucking where
so yeah what you said about like maybe you just get a scoop of something absolutely and that just
further like adds on to my thought
process of like i don't care about those ashes like i'm not quite sure what the process is for
for cremating someone do they wheel in do they put a naked body in there or are you in there in a
cardboard box or a wooden box like what are those it's always the actual coffin yeah right and so
when i see that because i don't have any-world experience of seeing an actual crematorium, I'm like, well, that fucking box is full of burnt, very expensive coffin.
Like, you just spent, like, four grand on a coffin, then burn it, and they gave you, and they charged you, maybe a grand, to burn your $4,000 coffin, and then they gave it back to you in a box.
It's like insult to injury this whole process
there isn't some kind of a
Coffin rental place like you would think legal you rent the coffin you have the body in there for the showing and everything
And then when they cremate it the coffin goes back and you rent it out to someone else that doesn't want to buy a coffin
To burn it or I think you can't that's a good idea
I hear you.
Based on television,
where I learn most of my Law & Order stuff,
only one body can go in a coffin.
You can't reuse a coffin.
Who's going to care?
I thought that too, right?
One at a time.
At first, you're like,
dude, just reuse the coffin.
No one cares.
They're dead bodies, etc.
But what if the bodies are a little imperfect, right?
What if they leak a little bit, right?
What if they're gooey? Ah, they suck all that out.
Are you familiar with the embalming process?
Like, you change a liner.
Only at a high level.
Fuck.
And you change the liner after the rental.
It's like a toilet seat cover.
You just pull it off.
Yeah, yeah.
You have to put another body in.
That's a good idea, though.
The process is morbid as fuck like the whole
securing of the eyelids and plugging of the buttholes and like all of that stuff specifically
actually can we talk more about the whole part i'm curious what kind of plugs they use
i don't know what kind of plug they use it's it's not a doc johnson or anything
nothing from dragon whatever, that website.
Oh, man.
We were looking at this Bad Dragon.
That's the name of the company, Bad Dragon.
And they make dildos and other sex toys that are –
so normally a dildo looks like a cock, like a human being's dick,
or something very phallic in general.
Maybe it's smooth and it doesn't look like a realistic penis,
but it's phallic and it's generally the same shape
size. It's dickish.
But Bad Dragon makes
fantasy cocks
so maybe they make
a demon dick that's got
some nubs sticking out of the bottom.
Or they make dog dicks and horse
dicks and dragon dicks
and all kinds of
half-man, half-dog dicks that are this weird mon like half man half dog dicks that are like this weird
monstrosity they make them that ejaculate so you got like a pump of goo that you're like
to make the thing like bust a load inside of you like all kinds of crazy shit at the bad dragon
website so my having like a dog dildo is so much weirder than just going to the fantasy creature. Isn't it?
Yeah, that's a niche.
It's definitely niche. We spent a while on a show
talking about this and it is
some of those are intense.
Like the size of
a traffic cone intense.
My house is hot
in here so my computer gave a message
that it was overheating and I was like
oh no, I totally can't have the show stop recording midway or anything.
So I turned some fans on, turned the AC up, and I opened my door because this room heats up from all the electronics in it.
And my wife comes in.
She brings a fan.
She wants to close the door.
I'm like, no, no, computer's overheating.
She puts a fan on the computer, wants to close the door.
And I'm like, no, no, computer's overheating.
I got to let the AC in and whatever.
And now I realize, like, oh, it's probably the content of this show my nieces are here my my sister-in-law
came to visit they're like nine years old my mother-in-law's like just i could throw a tennis
ball through into her guest room and uh yeah so tell me more about the dragon dildos.
But yeah, now I'm like,
that's why she's so adamant about shutting my door.
Yeah, because you're talking about werewolf cocks.
One of them is a werewolf cock,
and I think it's called Fenrir,
which is probably some mythological wolf being or something.
F-E-N-R-I-R.
Yeah, they're all terrifying.
Just get a regular dick, right?
I wonder who that is that's really in, like, who really wants one of those.
You know, like, who goes from the step of, like,
oh, this human-shaped dildo just won't do.
Like, I need something like a dog or a cat
or whatever a minotaur stick would look like.
Things like that.
Can whores.
Can whores need these things.
Yeah, that's one of them.
And, of course, they are fulfilling the wants and needs of the creepy guys of America and the world who also want to see those things.
But there's definitely girls who are like, yeah, I want that fucking wolf cock.
Nothing turns me on like some wolf cock.
She has this little red riding hood
fantasy she's always like puts her hood on and gets that big wolf dick out she likes to walk
alone in the park wearing it like like she hears a dog bark and it just gets wet like like she you
know these people exist i'm sure i'm sure that it just seems like man that that's a lot of product
for what seems like they should be a very small group of people.
There wouldn't be a website devoted
to fulfilling this need.
It's the rule 34 of capitalism.
Yeah.
Yes.
New topic?
Yes, please.
Something that your nieces would like more.
Oh, well, perhaps they're into police brutality.
So,
I haven't seen this
one in a while but if I recall correctly a girl doesn't respond properly to Let's see what we're dealing with here.
Oh!
Fuck, dude.
Oh, man.
I'm on my second watch.
We'll do one more.
Oh, the sound.
The sound is the worst part.
That cop's a dick.
That cop's a fucking dummy.
He used an appropriate amount of force.
No, that cop's a fucking asshole.
Like, look at her shoes, all right?
Like, if you know anything about fucking shoes and what it's like to walk in those goddamn shoes,
you know that if you try to throw this bitch like you're Ronda Rousey,
she's going to take a fucking header.
Like, he could've let her down easily.
I could take... Real skinny.
With my limited martial arts training, I could take
this girl down, and it would
be very slow and
gentle, and she'd be down, and she would know it was all
fucking over. She needs to be arrested. She's drunk. She's probably
belligerent. We didn't get to see what happened before this,
but the cops are there, and they're like, hey, you're coming with us,
so something happened. But she didn't deserve to get dropped like that.
Look how skinny her legs and body are.
This chick weighs 105 pounds.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I've said this before, and I don't know how to say it in a way that doesn't get misconstrued,
but I feel like there are people you're rough with and people you're not.
You know, if there's a 12-year-old emo kid on a skateboard, on a sidewalk where you're not supposed and people you're not you know if there's a 12 year old emo kid on a
skateboard on a sidewalk where you're not supposed to be skateboarding that's who you lay into you
know like that kid can be brought to tears with your voice like you don't have to rough that guy
up right if there's a girl she didn't hit she didn't scratch she didn't pretend that she could
take the cop she was a little resistant, I thought.
He was sort of pushing her around, and she wasn't like, whoa, whoa, let's talk.
What can I do for you?
Like we talked about earlier in the show.
But also, the way he slammed her is more appropriate for a guy who's trying to pick a fight with a bouncer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He threw her.
He threw her.
He threw her to the ground.
That's not cool. Way too much force. And it's just another reason why, like, our cops need to be making $85,000 a year, and then we'll get some
real fine fucking high-caliber
individuals filling those positions
that won't throw bitches on the ground like this.
Yeah, I mean,
devil's advocate, Kyle, those heels are pretty sharp.
They can be dangerous if used as
a hammer.
He was afraid of the up-kicks.
That's what it was, so he wanted to make sure that when he threw her
he knocked her unconscious i see yeah i don't know she looks like a threat i have to re-litigate
this question um anthony help me with this say hypothetically we've got a healthy human male
with a knife in each hand right and a tiger with no teeth and no claws
now he has a knife in both hands i'm just saying
for the record that's the situation let me keep going i'm gonna start off in a rear naked choke
on this thing but you got a knife in each hand a tiger no no teeth no claws who wins this fight? Wow. I got to say the guy with the knife.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm on your side.
They all thought I was crazy.
Knife guy.
That was enough for Kyle to leave.
Kyle got disconnected off of that.
You'd get banged up.
But I'm the only guy with death blows in this fight.
No, you're woefully underestimating the strength of a fucking tiger.
What's he going to do?
No claws, no teeth.
If you look up a picture of a shaved tiger and then see if you're as confident.
Because it's not just cat body.
It's jacked out of its mind.
It doesn't need claws to deal with you.
It just hits you with the meaty part of its hand.
And first of all, it's coming at you faster than any human is able to react.
So you're done.
And you're immediately knocked out.
What cats do is they jump on your back.
It would gum the back of your neck pretty bad.
And I bet that its jaw is still strong enough to break your neck.
That's not a shaved tiger.
You know what?
If you fight that guy with two knives, I've got full confidence in you.
You know, he could, like, there are some subtleties there.
Is it, do you square off right next to each other?
Because that thing can hit you like
a freight train if it has running room like so if he's coming at you from 50 yards away
i don't know then maybe i might have to give it to tiger on the first hit alone
but if you're starting off right against each other and you know the cage door opens up and
you're right there i don't know i'd give it to knife guy imagine taking a headbutt to like the
chest from a tiger charging at you but I just all look you're done I still feel
like you know the Tigers so fuck wow I had to fix the cameras. That's a very big camera. He's called Beavis. Right, Bee?
I would love to watch it, like someone fight a tiger,
but they would never allow it because, like,
one animal expert would come in and be like,
I know a lot of MMA folks feel confident about this.
I assure you the tiger will win.
It's not an issue of if, it's an issue of when.
And my when is three seconds after
it begins you know like that's what it would be are we are you still looking up shaved tiger pics
me no well because kyle left the cameras were on the wrong place so i'm trying to fix the
oh here's a picture of the lady who turned herself into a tiger not in the real way and
like the crazy way like insane people let me link you to this
uh oh my god she even put her he she i have no idea that the gender of this individual
because they are unrecognizable at this point yeah look at those metal studs as whiskers
it's freakish i don't know what people are thinking I know Caitlyn
Jenner finally got the surgery got surgery yeah got turned into a female
with all the got the male organ eliminated and finally went the full
distance oh oh man that's sad.
Did you keep it?
Bruce Jenner.
What would you want them to do with yours?
I'd want to keep it.
That guy from the shopping channel might have it.
Bruce Jenner's penis, ladies and gentlemen.
One at a time.
Limited offer.
I feel like it'd be a really cool idea to have a mold taken of it So you could still fuck people with it
Hopefully he did that
You know they make those
It's called Clone A Willy
That's the product
So you can take a mold of your own cock at home
And then they'll make a dildo
Of your cock
So when you're away
And the wife must play you know she can find
something familiar i guess well they don't even cut it off they turn it inside out yeah uh inside
the guy and then they they take the scrote and they make like the various it's just the weirdest
they feel that bitch like a banana, and then stuff it back in,
and you fuck that.
Like, have you ever watched footage of a surgery,
and, like, your, any kind of surgery,
not just gender or sex reassignment, whatever,
like, where you imagine surgery being like,
oh, and then they cut deftly into this,
and then they put that back in, and they move this here, move that there.
I watched a fucking knee surgery gif, and this guy had a back in and they move this here move that there i watched a fucking
knee surgery gif and this guy had a metal rod and just a hammer and it was like a surgeon trying to
hammer the knee back into its place and he's just ah
yeah the nurses are standing around which tells you like this is normal
this is what they do it's like oh my, this is not the year I thought it was.
It's not delicate, man.
Especially with those joint surgeries.
They do.
They take hammers and these big, like, chisel-looking things that bang, bang, bang.
This is fucking surgery?
Yeah.
It's crazy.
I'm nervous for the guy.
You're going to chip off too much.
The Osco guys are like
the jocks of the surgery world too like they're always the big strong ones the ex-athletes and
they're the people who like fuck with big shit you know they're not like sewing vascular stuff
back together hammers that screws and nails they're construction workers yeah with surgical
masks yeah i it seems like a dewWalt would be a totally appropriate tool.
Every time in a movie or something I see them break out the bone saw,
I can't help but think, man, I bet that's better than a fucking DeWalt.
I've got a reciprocating saw, but there's no way it's medical grade.
I'd like to get my hands on that thing right there.
I've even got an air-powered reciprocating saw,
but there's no way it's as good as what that doctor is using not touching some plates with a bone saw yeah and that's jelly i was thinking about the bone saw when i was watching lincoln
a few days ago where there's the the scene where the guy sees like that pit of limbs and i'd never
thought like everybody knows when it's like civil war shit, like, you get shot or you get a bad scrape.
It's, like, well, because we don't understand what germs are, it's all got to come off.
Like, and so they did that.
And, like, I never thought about, like, how many people would be walking around without limbs.
And, like, there'd just be pits full of arms and legs that people lost.
Like, it's, holy shit.
Like, I always thought like
world war one would have been the worst war to fight in no civil war changed my mind world war
one is is the second place but civil war would be the worst for sure yeah i remember i've heard
about it recently someone was was telling me about something they'd seen on the civil war
and something about this big battle where there was a no-man's land and the Union troops had to go up a hill across exposed territory
for a couple hundred yards into southern gunfire.
And they're just getting massacred in this field.
And night falls and they're all out there moaning and begging for water.
And one southern soldier is out there going from man to man,
giving them water, and nobody would shoot him.
And I think they called him the saint of whatever battle it was.
Let's call him the saint of whatever hill or whatever the fuck, because he was out there.
And, God, the suffering and all that.
And, man, that was a really shitty war.
I think about the impact of those slow-moving, heavy musket balls.
And it's just so much nastier than a high-velocity rifle impact.
I don't know.
I know through my experiences
playing Battlefield 1,
that's a pretty crazy war,
World War I, yeah.
When they break out the Martini Henry, it is.
All the trench foot.
All the black powder, motherfucker.
That's the good part.
You ever see Zulu,
where they slaughter 3,000 blacks?
Oh, yeah.
That's insane.? Oh, yeah.
That's insane.
Zulu, yeah.
It's a true story, isn't it? Just slaughtering waves of these guys.
I used to wonder what that looked like exactly.
Because when I hear about old school battles, right?
Like what was 300?
The Battle of Thermopylae?
Do I have that right?
Yeah, Thermopylae. What do you call it? Yeah, Thermopylae, the, what do you call it?
The small pass.
The hot gate, the hot gates.
So weren't there like 100,000 Greeks?
I can't think of many modern wars with 100,000.
There were 300 Spartans,
and then there were like a couple thousand other Greeks from city-states,
but there were like, they say
millions of Persian
soldiers, but that's probably like old-timey
math where they're like, how many could that be?
I mean, nobody's ever counted this high!
What could it be?
What's the highest number we have?
900,000. What would be higher
than that? I don't know, a million?
Like, how many people were in Normandy?
Right? Like, 10,000? I don't even know what a good number many people were in Normandy? Right? Like 10,000?
I don't even know what a good number would be.
Oh, way more than that. The invasion was huge.
It was 10,000 men landing.
20,000? 30,000?
More.
The initial beach invasion
might have only been a few handfuls
of thousand, maybe 15,000 or something.
But they kept landing men
for days
and weeks to come.
They call it D-Day plus
plus, and then they count the days after D-Day.
So
it's a much bigger number than I thought.
156,000.
425,000
were killed.
Allied and German combined
were killed, wounded, or went missing during Normandy.
Almost half a million.
It says this is on D-Day.
On D-Day, 156,000
troops in Normandy.
Oh, and then it breaks it down.
73,000...
What is this?
The American forces numbered 73,000.
23,000 on Utah Beach
and 34,000 on Omaha and 15,000 airborne.
But anyway, 156,000 total, 73,000 Americans.
That's bigger than I thought.
But like I hear about these wars where like hundreds of thousands or 500,000 people supposedly were there.
And I just think, how does that even work?
Like, what does the
front line look like are there picnics of one block back just like you know there have to be
there have to be supply lines have to work like that you know maybe up in front we have just
absolute hell on earth but 100 yards back that way it's got to be a casual fucking conversation
it's got to be like yes they're dying quite badly up there aren't they right yes yes they are i'm nervous about when that gets to us you know i hope our
guys are really good because because in everything i've read i don't think the spartans were shooting
arrows back it was the opposite you know they were the ones under the uh the uh the archer fire and
such um but but world war one they had that just a stalemate for literally years where they
were on each side of those trenches and it barely moved and uh just back behind your lines was
command and control and hospitals and people just kind of hanging out yeah i think that that's such
a weird way to fight war because it seemed like in the old days, it was like, yeah, we're going to war, and we'll be back when war is over.
But from this day forth, we're in the war and we're fighting.
And then you look at like, I watched M.A.S.H. back in the day, that was Korea.
And you look at Vietnam, I know more about that.
And the guys are like, yeah, two more weeks and then i get to go for r and r they're gonna fly me
to you know japan or japan or south korea or something and i'm gonna get like pussy and liquor
and like a nice room and like drink with my buddies and then a week after that i'm back here
and head like like that was a new thing i think when that started happening like that must have
been that's so weird to me to put myself in that guy's shoes,
those two contrasting things.
I certainly wouldn't turn down that R&R like you begged for it.
You'd do anything you could do to get it, I would think.
But it still has to be weird to be like, yeah, tomorrow I'm going.
Just imagine how afraid you would be if today's Friday and tomorrow,
if you make it back from this mission, there liquor beer and pussy to come tomorrow and even more you want to raise to the next level we're going home
tomorrow but we gotta go on a mission today i'd be like fuck today's mission light me up like like
like take put me in jail i'm not going on a mission today if we're quitting tomorrow that's
fucking horseshit i'm not going out to pitch the first four innings if you're just gonna forfeit the game like after a weekend going to work monday sucks never mind where you're fucking
and then having to go and get shot at again yeah it was better than like the way the japanese
handled it where like in world war ii we'd be like all right you're shipping off to
england for a couple weeks for to you know get a little relaxation before you're back in it.
The Japs, it was just like, oh, you
just stay in your holes.
Stay in your holes and fight until you die.
If you have to eat one another,
so be it, but
don't give up that shitty little hole
on that island you don't even use for anything.
Yeah, the Japanese were fucking scary. I think the
Japanese are worse than the Nazis.
Oh no, better not compare anything to Hitler.
It'll be a major deal.
I think the Japanese are worse than the Nazis, though.
They perform vivisection.
There's that, I can't remember what it's called.
It's like Unit 808 or something.
That Japanese military medical group that tortured systematically people.
They freeze people to death to start to study hypothermia.
They'd infect you with this plague or that disease
and then put you in X condition or Y
condition to see how things
took and if you survived and how long
you survived and what happened to you as you died.
And, like, maybe they'd get you
to maybe two hours of
hypothermia and then try to save you.
Oh, we can save a man two hours in hypothermia
by doing this. Don't do that, though, or they die.
And they would just use people like that.
Now, after the war, we wanted
all that research, so we
spared the people who did it. It was like, oh, did you
torture our men for
three years to figure out some cool stuff?
Well, we'd like that information. We'll put that
to good use. And sure, you could go...
With Mengele and all that,
where he did all those twin studies, and we still
like, even though he was an evil twin studies and we still like even though
he was an evil fuck it's still like well we should probably at least get this information
so that we know what he knew scientifically because we will never do replicate these studies
because they're the same thing with warner von braun you know the guy who got us to the moon
right nazi rocket scientist the guy who was designing the v2 fucking rockets that were
pummeling london and causing all that mayhem.
He's the one we brought over here and got us to the moon. I'm kind of on his side and all this
because I've read about him a bit. And he's got all these quotes. He's like, when he first made
the first V2, he was a rocket guy from an early age. It was his passion. It's what he loved. And
when he first made the V2 and it worked, and as a weapon of war, it's this missile that fucking
goes and blows some shit up somewhere he was like it's perfect
it's everything I dreamed it was
but it missed by a quarter million miles
because he wanted to go to the moon
even during the war that was his thought process about this whole thing
so we get him over here and he went to the moon
but yeah a lot of dirty dirty shit
happened after World War 2
we're talking about war I want to segue
into World War 3
very well
next week someone on reddit did this really clever I want to segue into World War III. Very well.
Next week.
Someone on Reddit did this really clever, like, hey, World War III,
the roster's been figured out.
And they look at who's on different sides for the U.S. strikes against Syria.
And I look at this, and I'm like, this is pretty accurate.
I think this is about what World War III would be. Russia,
China, Syria, and Iran against UK, Germany,
Korea. Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, North Korea. North Korea will join in.
Let me just play out the scenario.
They'll be the Italy of World War III.
Yeah, they would. Yeah, where they switch teams at the
very end.
They're like, oh, why are you so mad?
And the same thing that fucking happened to his ass
that happened to Mussolini, he got caught by his own men, beaten to death, oh, why are you so mad? And the same thing fucking happened to his ass that happened to Mussolini.
He got caught by his own men, beaten to death, hung, and then pissed on.
That's what would fucking happen to him if they ever get their hands on him after everything
he's done to them.
But yeah, what would happen?
You know, we got 20,000 troops there in South Korea.
If we're in a world war, we'd probably pull them out and put them somewhere else in that
weakened South Korea.
And then North Korea seizes on the moment, tries to invade and all that stuff.
Yeah, you'd have a huge, scary war.
Or is South Korea an important launching point,
like a place in that part of the world where we fight China?
Oh, yeah.
Because that's what I'm thinking.
It's the most important place to fight China.
Right, that's kind of what I was saying.
It wasn't really a question.
We would not leave South Korea to fight their own war with North Korea.
Instead, we would keep South Korea and launch against China.
They'd be like our Israel in the Middle East.
You know what McCarthy wanted to do during Korea?
He wanted to drop
I think it was 50.
I think he was like, I need 50 atomic
bombs. And it's like,
what for, pray tell? And he's
like, I want to draw a
line across the Korean
Peninsula that the Chinese can't cross.
I want to irradiate
so much of the territory between
North Korea and China that it is a
barren wasteland a la Fallout
the video game that men cannot
walk across for 50
fucking years. Let me do
that and I'll solve your Korean problem.
Sounds great. You're fired.
I think that was a little aggressive.
How does this war go?
It depends if it goes nuclear or not, right?
Then the world ends.
I worry about China's manufacturing capabilities.
The fact that America has outsourced making shit,
that's one of the most frightening parts of the whole deal to me.
We still make our weapons, though.
We don't outsource that.
We make some good weapons.
I think China is too entrenched now in capitalism and in doing business with the world.
They weren't back in the 50s during the Korean War.
And we're genuinely happy about going in there and fighting us in a proxy war with Korea.
But now they're a business powerhouse. They're capitalists. They're not the commies of the 50s
anymore. They depend too much on stability and the United States and everything else. I can't
see them possibly risking everything they've worked for and all the
movement they've made in the business
world to defend
a fucking tumor
now is what North Korea is
for them. It's a problem.
They know they've got to deal with it. I think
they would take out Kim Jong-un
for their own convenience
before we ever had to.
We've got to come up with some kind of a deal with
them and maybe we give them something in the south china sea and japan just has to swallow that
fucking pill and they handle that north korean situation because that's the scariest thing there
is syria is just a fucking sandbox full of cat shit um north korea is the real like starting
off point for something that's like globally scary that i would
worry about or that you or anyone else should worry about like like as far as human rights
abuses and stuff like there's no clearer like massive scale case anywhere on earth than north
korea you know where it's like nowhere else on yeah they have concentration camps still they
have work camps where it's like oh your family
try i watched some documentary with like a bunch of uh north korean uh people who uh left and now
they're being interviewed by south koreans or whatever and they're saying like yeah like i i
escaped and i just have to hope that my family didn't get killed because the fact that i i
escaped means that everyone basically in my
entire circle was killed. Yeah. And then another guy was saying like, yeah, and I'd planned to
escape with my, with my mom or my best friend and told my mom and my mom ratted me out because she
thought that, you know, she'd be killed or maybe she might get some more rations for food if she
did. And it's like, no, it's not not even like you bitch it's like the family structure doesn't even exist there really it's like you get the food we give you you
do what we say and it doesn't matter that's your son sell them down the river because if you don't
i'll torture you i'll publicly execute you in front of everyone one guy told a story about his
own it was either brother or father being executed in front of their entire work camp because he had tried to
escape.
It's just baffling that we don't...
I don't know what can be done about it, though.
I guess China's got to take some...
What if we kill this guy?
Is it as bad as they
tell us? I don't know what to believe.
Throughout all of
human history, the family structure has been
important. Moms love their children.
It's biological.
King John Un can't make moms not love kids, but propaganda sites can tell us he can.
Every time someone's bad, they tell us he's a madman.
Oh, my God.
If I hear madman, that particular insult, madman, I think you're full of shit.
You have told me everyone's a madman.
But this is a guy whose father claimed he invented
basketball and that he did
all sorts of ludicrous things.
This guy is genuinely
a madman. He's someone who
the entire country's under his thumb.
He wants to be worshipped as a god.
You can't make mothers
not love their kids, but you can scare them.
I don't believe that anyone believes he got an 18 the first time he ever played golf.
Why wouldn't they?
Why wouldn't they?
Because they're not that stupid.
None of them actually believe it.
None of them actually believe it.
They don't have to be stupid.
It's just what they've been told always.
They don't have any outside media.
They're not fucking double-checking this shit.
They are told, and it's fucking handed down.
Because it doesn't ask the sniff test, right?
If you told me that Trump...
There is a myriad of things we've all been told by those above us,
and we all just believe them.
Not that kind of bullshit.
Sure.
You ever seen Antarctica?
I haven't.
But they tell us it's there, so it's there.
They could do the same thing.
Kim Jong-un is doing the same thing to them.
He shows them pictures of things that don't exist.
He shows them videos of nuclear wars against America.
They said his body is so efficient that he doesn't poop.
He doesn't poop?
No, he doesn't poop.
They believe it.
That might have come from the movie The Interview.
I'm not positive that one's true.
I don't think most of them believe it,
but at the same time,
it's like most of them aren't going to be having conversations.
Do you really think that he doesn't poop? Because there's any conversation you have in that world that's been created for
them is potentially life-threatening if it goes against any of these you know grains that they
have in place for you so even talking to your best friend of god this place fucking sucks i wish i
could just run out of there even that little. Did you see that documentary they had on the people that
go over there from the West, from the United States or Great Britain, eye surgeons and take
care of the cataracts? And what they do is when they're taking the bandages off after the surgery,
they have a picture of the great leader. And the first thing they see with their new eyesight is the leader. And they're just like,
fuck the doctor that actually
did this. They're thanking
the great leader for their
new eyesight. These motherfuckers.
I can't even believe it. Remember what the old lady
said? They take these bandages off.
This old lady said, and she... Eyes.
These people are... Some of these people were blind
before this happened. Some had one eye.
Some of them had, like, Some of them had severe degeneration.
Milky vision.
Yeah, they had all this.
This guy, the doctor had three days to do 250 eye surgeries,
and he's doing them around the clock to do this.
He's working his ass off for the betterment of others for free.
And he gives a church, like imagine a church with pews.
He gives an entire church their eyesight back. This old woman
is bowing down in front of the picture
of the great leader, and she
says, thank you so much for my
eyes, great leader. I will work
twice as hard in the salt
mines now. I will mine so
much salt.
That's exactly what she said.
But they put him on a show.
So when the great leader died,
there were competitions almost
for who was wailing the loudest.
Who was showing the most grief.
They murdered some people who didn't.
There were some guys who weren't crying enough
and they killed those fuckers.
That might be true, but I imagine those people
in my head anyway to make sense of it
as being indifferent or just not showing not showing any remorse the people
who go over the top you know to be crying to be wailing the loudest on their block are putting on
a show because for some reason that's just built into the culture i i yeah it's an entire culture
ruled by fear and so it's like of course if you put me in north korea and they're like hey this
general died and
you better start crying your fucking ass off when he walks out or you're in deep shit i'm gonna be
wailing like i just watched the green mile like it is a huge part of it i'm not saying it's not
part of it i said it's not the whole picture i'm saying that like if i'm trying to wail the loudest
on my block i'm doing more than just not getting in trouble because
there's a certain status of being the most
connected perhaps I'm
respected in this culture by being
the most emotionally distraught
there's a competition
to hurt the most
based on the death of this guy
if it was just fear
they'd be like the appropriate amount of
wailing and that would call it
good. That's not what I've
seen. What I've read and what
they always say is that there are people who
go out there and cry a lot
and that just ain't good enough. And those people
get fucking murdered, put in their gulag
or whatever the fuck they do to you.
And there's definitely plenty of people who are out there
telling their kids, like, go and you
cry hard. You cry so hard that it hurts.
Or what happened to Jimmy might happen to you.
Remember Jimmy, who just kind of cried for one day,
and then they saw him playing with his sticks as he was wont to do.
He liked his sticks.
He loved those sticks, but they shot him in the head.
I don't know.
If they still have any humanity left in them,
they have to be able to reason it out that it's
bullshit i think it's the same thing as when uh they heard that final shot hitler's final suicide
shot in the bunker the first thing a lot of them did was light up a cigarette you know like because
that was but where was the respect that after he was dead, that they showed him minutes
before he was killed?
Yeah.
Once that's done, then I think you get back to what you're doing.
Who knows if Kim Jong-un got waxed out of the whole thing, would they come around and
be like, oh, thank God we can act like humans again?
You would hope so.
And I think a lot of them would.
I don't think that if you killed him, it would be like
you killing their Christ,
and they would all rally up and be like,
to the last man. Well, we all agree
with that, but what we don't agree with,
what I believe, is that they are absolutely
brainwashed right now. Many of
them are. They believe he is a god.
Especially the older ones. Because they have no
evidence to the contrary.
They have not. They're living cut off. They have no evidence to the contrary. They have none. Right, very cold light.
They're living cut off. They might as well be in medieval times.
We talk about going back in time.
Remember when I was talking about going to the Papua New Guinea and showing them fucking Independence Day and seeing if they buy it?
That's what's happened to these people.
I wonder if they're that effectively cut off.
Like, I know we're told they are, right?
When we want to get shit into them, fly helium balloons over with usbs i mean there's a black market for count for for
counterfeit goods and like if you want to watch the water boy for example maybe you're a big adam
sandler fan but you're north of the wall they catch you with some adam sandler shit they put
it kill you but i wonder okay so the question is how many people have seen an american movie
you know like i'd say a lot of
them it's like i was watching one as and the girl was being interviewed and they were like
so you you you get uh western media over there at all and she was like oh it's incredibly dangerous
to get western media but they drop like kyle said usbs and that's a huge black market for them if
they catch you with them you're just fucking done done. Are you saying bees like honeybees?
USBs.
Oh, of like
American honeybees?
Like a picture then?
It's like a paramotor with a balloon.
101st bee unit
reported.
I'm like, this can't
be right. Alright, yeah, so the USB, the
thumbnail drives, right?
They're not called USBs.
The woman was saying,
she's like, oh, I really loved
Friends or Seinfeld or whatever
show it was. And she's like, the only way
I could watch it, because I was so scared,
is I would take a blanket and put
it over the top of my TV and put the whole
blanket over me and sit there at
night in the dark with the sound
on as low as it would go
and watch like seinfeld or friends or whatever like that and it's like holy shit like and she
mentioned and maybe it was a different person but she was like uh when asked about how much people
really buy into the deity thing to what what his point was she was saying like especially younger
people aren't buying into it as much because there is in in the last even decade, there's way more media
getting in just because technology's advanced to the point
where you can send someone a whole fucking season on a little
tiny thing of Western media.
But old people, it makes sense
that a 70-year-old,
if there are any 70-year-old North Koreans,
that they would be more in it
because if he got killed
and it was ended, and someone said,
yeah, your entire life has been pissed away
And it was a lie like of course that person has a little bit of a vested interest to be like no everything
I was told my entire life couldn't have been fake
I couldn't have wasted my life or had somebody waste my life on my behalf like I just can't imagine
I can't imagine getting beaten with a rifle, but butt to... Your door busts open.
I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it!
The summer of George!
Alright, let me do
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I really love this thing.
All that being said, the best part
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It just doesn't get any easier than that. I've done it
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waiting on a delivery guy to bring it to the apartment, then watching them assemble it and like disrupting our whole day
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Very gonna let you let you try it out for a hundred days, but I can't rent a coffin
that's a great line I saw something before we move on to the
workout talk
I linked it there
Kim Jong Un just ordered 600,000
people out of Pyongyang
which is
a quarter of their population there
and I haven't read to see why he did it
but I thought that was interesting. We were just talking about it
and he just did it. He's evacuating
his biggest city? Yeah.
600,000 of the 2.6 million
people there.
It says that among those who were chosen by authorities
to move are people whose relatives defected to
South Korea, had been jailed in a prison
camp, used drugs or counterfeited money,
and produced, distributed, or sold
pirated films from the South?
I have the answer here.
Population control was the pretext
of the latest order, but in reality
the purpose is to purify
the North Korean capital and allow
only the loyal elite class to live
there. In other words,
even they're running out of food.
Even the capital's
running out.
I didn't think about that. That's probably exactly what it is.
There's that
picture that you always see of
Korea at night and South Korea's
all lit up and then you see the distinct
border and then darkness
with just the capital kind of
lit up and a couple of
things on the shore, but for the most part
there's just nothing going on up there. it's a real shit situation but anyway kyle so you and i recently
we've been talking about getting in better shape and working out and eating healthier and and the
like and i uh i was trying to find like the way to just do home workout shit without having to
buy a bunch of stuff and kettlebells seemed like the the thing to do the the hip thing joe rogan's a fan and he's neat and that guy's got abs at 50 so
yeah and i and i did like some research into it before i bought them and i've got a few now
and it was saying like all the things for like if you're you know a 35 pound kettlebell will be
enough for you to get a fucking crazy good workout.
And I'm like,
I don't know if I buy this,
you know,
I'll, I'll buy a 35 pound one and I'll see,
but I'm pretty,
you know,
big,
strong guys.
Do you buy them in pairs or singles?
Singles.
Okay.
Singles because it was cheaper to do it that way.
And I figured,
you know,
I'll buy one and then if I need another one,
I'll buy that.
But I got this 35 pound one and I was doing just like the normal exercises for like getting
used to it and holy shit this is fucking hard like you're holding it in a way that your your
body isn't used to like i used to work out with regular dumbbells that have a stifled grip on it
and so you like you got a nice grip and you're able to move it around however you're doing it and this thing is i got the 35 pound one right here it's super super smooth
cast iron and so you immediately get sweaty trying to do this thing so you're holding it
constantly this one's 35 pounds and it feels like so much more than 35 pounds and it makes you do
this shit like uh you have to hold it out like out at arm's length and do a squat like 15 times.
That sounds exhausting.
Maybe four into that.
And it said do it 15 times for this exercise.
I got four in for the set.
And I was like, oh, my God.
I'm in grievously bad shape with this.
It's not like this is bad news bears for me
like I thought I was gonna like come into and be like all right so you just kind of heave it up and
then you you move it and you're good and it and I I kind of went back to that exercise too much
because I'm like that's where I feel comfortable just going like this I feel very good but all the
exercises I'm trying where it's like what you're going to do is you're going to grab your kettlebell.
And then you're going to pretend that you're picking flowers from something 60 feet above you.
And you just got to do it 30 times.
And it's like, oh, my God.
These are all so simple.
But the fact that you're doing all this balancing at the same time makes it so hard.
So I'm enjoying it, honestly.
It seems like you should wear protective footwear while you do this like you need steel toed boots
for this exercise
I'm wearing just regular tennis shoes
and that's going to be
that's a one strike and you're out policy
I was moving
plates around the other day wearing sandals
but I was so
conscious of the danger that I could
potentially be in
as I grab a 45-pound plate and slide it off the barbell.
I'm like, I'm not going to drop this motherfucker
because my toes are down there,
and it will cut them off on this concrete floor.
It'll just cut them off.
It'll cut them the fuck off.
Remember that fucking Mel Gibson movie, Payback,
when they're smashing his toes and the guy goes,
ooh, starting to look like roast beef.
You don't want that.
It's like playing against Sidney Crosby.
You know what I find amazing as far as that's concerned?
Without even thinking about it, when you drop something heavy,
you can just move your foot right out of the way.
Or if you drop something light and valuable,
you can move your foot right over it or under it to block
it from hitting the floor so many times I've done that amazing yeah you know of
your eyesight muscles reaction until you try and stop it's nothing for it to move
that distance and you've made all these calculations in the meantime have you done that where you drop
something heavy and you do the foot try and catch it move and you end up just dropping it on your
foot you're like god damn it no i've done that before i've done that multiple times i think like
i underestimate how heavy like a box is i'm carrying i try and like lessen the fall and it
just ends up smashing your foot into the ground it's have you ever seen someone drop something
expensive oh yeah what's the what's the most ground. Have you ever seen someone drop something expensive? Oh, yeah.
What's the most expensive thing you've ever seen dropped?
My friend knocked.
It wasn't dropped.
I guess drop is what we're looking for.
Or maybe mishandled.
Let's go with a mishandling of a piece of equipment that resulted in it.
They knocked into one of those decorative wooden tables
that just kind of has something nice on it
and had this giant crystal it looked like a trophy but it wasn't a trophy it was like you know those
crystal sculptures that if you look at it from a distance it's like that's an ornate vase and then
you go and look at it you're like there's no vase here there's no purpose for this this is just a
thing and they knocked that over and it obviously it didn't shatter the way i thought it would i
thought that kind of stuff would be like
but no it's just like boom
and then like four pieces.
In four pieces. What were you thinking?
Most expensive thing you've dropped?
Neither one of these were
actually drops. I didn't
tell anybody about that baby.
They found out when the reading tests
came around.
Richard Ryan was doing a shoot and his camera is like $600,000, his slow-mo camera.
Wow.
And the guy running the shoot backed over it with his car and broke the lens.
And just the lens breaking was like an $8,000 mistake.
And the guy was like, oh, shit, did I break it?
And they're like, yeah.
And they're like, well, how much? and they're like yeah and like well how much
and like eight ten thousand he's like all right well i'll i'll take care of that you know you
know he's just running my check for eight or ten thousand dollars or whatever but then the and then
the other thing kind of related we were on a shoot in new mexico and uh the guy who owned the tank
also owned the 50 caliber uh m2 machine gun that was on it, and he wanted to be the one to put the barrel in
to show us, I guess, that he knew how to do it,
despite the fact that a couple of people in my party were ex-military,
and I've taken an armorer's class on the M2,
so I kind of know what the fuck I'm doing.
He wants to put the barrel in.
It's the.50 caliber belt-fed machine gun.
Oh, okay.
My deuce. What's an M2 like? It's the.50 caliber belt-fed machine gun. Oh, okay. Mod Dukes.
And when you put the barrel in, it's got this little detent,
which is like a nub sticking out on the barrel, and it slides in a groove,
and then when you twist the barrel, it locks the barrel into place.
And he's ramming this barrel into the weapon until he breaks the detent off.
And we're like, well, that's what happens
when you do that.
And he comes down and he's like,
broke it. And we're like,
we know! We watched you do it!
And somebody's like,
well, what kind of machine gun was that
anyway? It was a fucking transferable
M2, which means it was
made pre-1986,
worth like a hundred100,000 or some
shit like that. Something ridiculous.
He broke a
serious part of it. So he had to buy it?
He owned it already.
He just fucked up his own shit.
It meant I couldn't use that gun that day.
It's not expensive.
It seems
related to me. I worked with this guy.
He'd been a Cisco guy for like six or seven years.
And he'd always been like a shining star, you know?
So he had all these awards and trophies and like, you know, bonuses.
Like, since Cisco gave you a bonus, they also got you a trophy.
And it would form like cube decorations where you'd line your stuff if you were like a superstar.
And that was his situation.
Anyway, he got divorced and for like i don't know maybe two months he wasn't a shining
star anymore and they fired him and uh i was there for it and like i like you sort of knew
what was going down somehow and he went into our boss's office and he came out and uh he grabs his trash
can from under his desk and he just scoops all these trophies and sweeps them into the trash can
sets it under his cube and that was the last time i saw him he just walked away and it was over well
you definitely wouldn't want trophies from a job you got fired from. I had a hard time with that. I had this trophy that was nice.
It had marble balls.
And as you accumulated more of them,
they went up these roller coaster tracks
stacked against each other.
And they were like pool balls almost.
And if you get to the top, you get a pizza party.
No, they each came with whatever,
like four-digit bonuses or something.
Not huge, but I liked them.
And yeah, these balls were stacked up or something.
And after I left, I was like, do I even want to?
I don't know.
I never did the cleaning out of the cube.
I ended up just donating all my shit to other people.
Because when I left Cisco, that is all about me now.
But when I left Cisco, I didn't quit.
I was like, let's take a you
could do a sabbatical there so i just took like i forget what it was maybe three months off i don't
think it was six and uh to see if i like being a full-time youtuber and at the end of it it was
like ah i'm done and they're like you know my cube like, I had a double cube. I think it was bigger than other people's cubes.
And I had like bought a couch from like home decorating stores and,
and vase.
And like,
it was all decked.
It looked like a den,
you know,
like I remember that day.
I remember the day that you like,
uh,
like that was your last day or whatever.
It was all said and done.
Uh,
when you were leaving,
I was in,
uh,
Jacksonville.
Seems like Georgia was about to play Florida. And it was when that fat bitch tricked me you were leaving i was in uh jacksonville seems like georgia was
about to play florida and it was when that fat bitch tricked me into thinking that she wasn't
fucking fat came up to my hotel room oh you were rused yeah yeah yeah and uh people were just like
you know what are you gonna do with all this like office furniture and stuff and i was like
fucking fight it out amongst yourselves and keep it. It's like the old days, though.
You'd have to have the box with your nameplate and a plant and something.
And that was like the you're fired, leaving the office thing.
Yeah, I would just bolt.
Screw it.
You didn't even have a cubicle job.
You did heating and air conditioning.
And so I'm sure that you didn't have to take a quick sabbatical to decide if you wanted to quit that and to do the radio.
Every time I got fired, I just left whatever the hell was there.
It couldn't have been that valuable, and I'll just get something else.
I didn't want to be reminded of it or anything.
When I got fired from Sirius serious xm there was nothing there
i'd been there for 10 years nothing was there that i needed it was just really i remember this
old story from like a really old oh you didn't have like a picture of someone you were fond of
or like nothing there was not a possession you there were things that were yours right like
one day you brought in your own scotch tape or something.
I don't know.
You know what?
Nothing that I needed or wanted.
I would bring in a laptop every day and take it with me home.
That was it.
You didn't have like a hoodie and a drawer for when that bitch turned the AC super down or anything?
I probably did have like swag there and just bullshit that I I really didn't even want it
wasn't worth seeing people over and I didn't there was not one thing there that I wanted or needed
it's kind of sad that's kind of where I was too like I was just like I don't know like it wasn't
that I had nothing I wanted I had nothing there that was worth the drive.
It was like, you know, like, you know,
oh, did I have a kid's drawing with a thumbnail through it
or a thumbtack, I mean, to say?
Yeah, probably.
But like, if you're a parent,
children's drawings are not in that short supply.
Nothing was worth me going back
and having a security guard looming over me, seeing everybody watching me clean anything out, and taking that horrible walk to the elevator.
Nothing was worth that.
So fuck it.
I was done.
What was the conversation like when they said you're like do you knew it was coming yeah
it was an email it was a fucking email i got fired by email and then i called up management
and said really you emailed me my fire bastards and uh and then they were like yeah well you know
uh you know how it is they it was it me. It's upstairs. Whenever we were
in meetings, they would always point to the ceiling and go,
you know, it's
who? What? Give me a name.
God?
It's the Lord's will.
It's above the lights.
No accountability or nothing.
There's no one to blame. No one to
yell at. Nothing.
They're structured that way on purpose.
That's why the mob couldn't take him down
I I remember an ONA story when you're talking about your this is an older one where you're talking about when you did the heating
And air conditioning and how you would have to shit in those five gallon buckets in the back
Yeah, and the spackle buckets in the back of a van and I had no I had no idea
That's what workers had to do
because I've never done it.
Oh, it was terrible.
We would show up on some of these job sites
that didn't have the portable toilets
and didn't have anything.
And we were there right after they studded the place out
to put the ductworks in the chaseways and everything
before any other trade got in to seal up the walls
or run plumbing that we had to get past or anything.
So we were there before anything
was there uh and and we would have to take spackle buckets if you had to take a dump it was
no privacy so you have to go into the van and actually shit in your own work van
that's why you never opened up a spackle bucket on the job unless you were one of the
spacklers and knew there was when i was a young teen not pooping was my superpower
like i could go days and days and days we went on a whitewater rafting trip for seven days long
in the grand canyon and on day one they they explained to us the poop bucket and the
procedure to clean it out. You had to poop
in a bucket and then go in the river
and there was bleach involved or something.
I don't even remember exactly what we were supposed
to do. I just decided early on,
I'm not pooping this week.
Not me. I'm not going to do that once.
Did you just not eat or you just
hoarded like some monster?
I was much like a musket in the Revolutionary War where I would just pack it in tighter and tighter.
I can picture Woody at the beginning of the trip going over to a tree and eating lots of leaves and things to clog himself up.
Lots of pine needles.
We need layers of cheese at the bottom here.
They formed the dam.
I ate nothing but cork for three days.
Yeah, and that was my super power.
I didn't poop, and then we went to the hotel,
and I was like, all right, now it's good.
And I pooped in civilization.
I think I pooped once on that survival trip we went on,
but that was because we weren't fucking eating any food.
Just a little bit here and there.
It wasn't enough to need to poop. Yeah, I didn't't poop a lot either i poop when i got back to your house
enjoy that it's never been the same guys i hate to have to uh leave this party but uh
yeah i have a hard out at 10 okay very well thanks for coming on tell us about what you're
up to uh hanging out and talking with you guys.
Definitely, man.
Pimp something.
Anything where can everybody find you?
Mention before you go.
What's that?
Anything that you would like to pimp or mention before you go?
Some websites?
Just compoundmedia.com.
That's it.
Compoundmedia.com.
And yeah, that's about it.
It's fun to watch where Anthony's bread is buttered across the episodes.
Like, oh, yeah, I want you to know all about my latest pay-per-view podcast. about it it's fun to watch where anthony's bread is buttered across the episodes oh yeah i want
you to know all about my latest pay-per-view podcast hey compoundmedia.com is on the rise
always fun having you on anthony thanks a lot guys i'll talk to you next time man
yep good night see you later do you guys want to watch this Thor trailer? I love this fucking trailer
I'm down
I haven't watched it yet
I haven't seen it yet either so I'm kind of excited about it
I'm not going to end up liking it
I think they did a good job
I'm all squared up
One moment please
Alright
Ready set play Alright, ready, set, play. I'd fuck her with the antlers.
So badass.
So badass.
A contender.
It's main event time.
And now, I give you your incredible...
Yes!
We know each other. He's a friend from work.
Oh, come on i like uh i like the hulk dressed up in armor i think that's yeah yeah because so this was this is from the comics this is from the company they're on this fucking planet that's like uh
they have these gladiatorial games like like that they just fucking fight and they have super beings fight each other
and they've captured the fucking hulk and they got him all armored up with like a giant hammer
in one hand and a huge battle axe in the other and they're hulk sized oh it's so great and then
and then uh um kate blanchett looks fucking awesome i really i would do awful awful things
just to suck on kate blanchett's titty
just for a minute uh who is she in that movie like what's her villain name i don't remember
the i really don't the like the antler queen or yeah that was her yeah she didn't have antlers
in every scene not in every scene i think that's her like uh uh super scion mode you know she that
that's when she really ticks things up a few notches.
Does anyone else not like Loki's outfit?
His antlers?
It's very praying mantis-y to me.
I don't like it.
To me, it's stupid.
And I feel like the character's not supposed to be that lame.
He's supposed to be a formidable foe.
You're supposed to see him.
He's a boss character.
But in that outfit and maybe that actor
he's a twerp is he a good guy now no he's not he he is a he's he's he's somewhere in the middle but
he's definitely closer to evil than he is good clearly in that scene he has like come to that
planet he has sided with jeff goldbloom and he's sitting next to him on the couch watching this
fight going but look how far apart they're sitting right there he's definitely next to him on the couch watching this fight go on. But look how far apart they're sitting right there.
He's definitely there to break Thor out of that planet.
Like, he's going, I guarantee this right now, having just seen that trailer,
Loki is there to help Thor because, like, a greater enemy has clearly arisen and destroyed Asgard, and Loki wants to own Asgard.
Yeah, it's going to be a good movie.
It looks like they took a page from Guardians of the Galaxy
and made it real, like, fun and kind of 80s retro, and the music's real poppy, movie it looks like they took a page from guardians of the galaxy and made it real like fun and kind of 80s retro and the music's real real poppy and it looks like
the colors even just in everything we saw like those masks and the costumes everything it looked
colorful which like and fun which thor is this rag which no no like uh one two three ah this is
probably three uh last time i saw loki was during avengers one when the hulk beats him up and he was No, no, no. Like 1, 2, 3? Ah, this is probably 3.
Last time I saw Loki was during Avengers 1 when the Hulk beats him up.
And he was definitely the bad guy then. I didn't care for him in that movie either.
I think they teased Loki dying in the last one.
I watched the last Thor movie on a plane though.
And man, the end of it was just, when is this going to be over? I wasn't really into it.
But neither one of them can die, right?
Because Thor and Loki are both gods.
He can die.
It depends on your definition of a god, right?
They're not gods like,
this isn't fucking Jehovah, right?
Not like Jesus.
Yeah, this isn't that kind of god.
This is just a,
and it's been kind of explained throughout the whole Marvel universe
that like, this isn't,
there is magic, right?
There is magic.
It is its own separate fucking thing though
i don't think what thor does is magic though it's more like advanced technology like remember when
they're analyzing his hammer and stuff and they're like can't tell exactly how this works but
there's something going on here that makes it work for sure like this isn't just magic like like out
of nowhere like uh like scarlet witch or whatever her name is who can who like can actual actually do magic like sometimes they ask you hey could thor beat this guy or could that guy beat
thor and the answer i get sometimes is he's a god as if that ends the discussion it doesn't at all
yeah that's he's only a god because he's from like another planet he's an alien he's an alien
not a god it's just he's a lot tougher dad like odin or something ze He's an alien, not a god. Isn't his dad
Odin or something? Zeus?
Yeah, but he's only a god to ancient
humans when they came to Earth
back hundreds of years ago.
It's a god because he can fly and he's got a magic
hammer and if you shot him with an arrow, he'd just take it.
But he's not a god. He's just a
super powerful alien.
If there was a planet that I could go to where
I was the god, I wouldn't hang
out on Earth anymore. I'd go
live there. Really? I don't even
like getting that much attention on my
YouTube fame.
I'm not sucking your dick like
it's fucking sugar
all day. And that's what it would be?
Yeah, it'd be like, come
suck on my god cock. It
cures cancer.
As far as you know.
I want to see a Thor movie, or maybe an All the Avengers movie,
where it's like versus the Judeo-Christian God.
Ah, Jehovah Israel.
Yeah, they have to take on the lord uh of the jews and abraham and the christians
like you gotta you gotta take them him on that'd be a tough fight i'm gonna give that one to god
uh does he but i don't know because what kind of powers does he have uh omnipotence and omniscience
and presence but you have to cut back on some of those i want to see him to have
demonstrated those powers before like okay again again you can make it rain for a really long time
but i mean aquaman has no trouble with that yeah like you'd have to tamp down the the judeo-christian
god's powers because if you just went by like old testament rules thor and the whole gang would show
up and be like we're ready for you, God and Jesus and the rest.
And he'd be like, be gone with you!
And they'd just explode to death.
So you have to move his power down.
I don't know how low you have to go.
In the end, they're going to make Thor and them win it,
which is upset a lot of people.
Actually, that would be hilarious.
If in the end, God makes a misstep and ends up beating himself.
God would win, right?
And then, like, here's how I'd write that.
God wins.
He kills all of the non-immortal Avengers.
And let's just say that Thor is a god.
He goes to hell and makes a pact with Satan, who is probably on the same power level as Thor.
And together they overthrow God.
Maybe the devil wasn't a bad guy after all.
And then the devil, like, snaps his fingers and brings Tony Stark back. Maybe the devil wasn't a bad guy after all. And then the devil snaps his fingers
and brings Tony Stark back and all the rest.
That's actually probably how they would do it
is they'd reunite with Satan
who would be like, I imagine,
a cooler, more powerful Loki
who didn't have to wear a hat
because he just has horns.
The most beautiful of all the angels.
He'd be like Jude Law or something.
He'd look like Sting in Doom
just wearing a thong like muscles rippling.
Like, yeah, that's Lucifer,
like the best looking guy you've ever seen in your entire life.
I want John Cena to play Jesus
because the way God would work is
like he would take form of Christ
as he was talking to everyone.
And then almost like that chicken attack video,
he just flips back up into light
and becomes God again when he needs to
this this is someone needs to be jotting this down
these are good these are good concepts
can bring you to the end of your luck
that video is so fucking good oh my god i don't know if Woody knows, but there's this, like, Asian yodeler who's been yodeling for, like, a generation or something.
Okay.
He's very niche, right?
There's probably, like, a thousand people in the world who are like, oh, yeah, Hop Singh, he's the best yodeler of all time.
We buy all his shit.
And is it the Schmoyo guys?
Yeah, I'm linking it right now.
I bet we probably can't play it because it's Schmoyo-ho.
They made a music video with this guy
singing a song about a chicken attack, basically.
And just what he does is, like,
there's a ninja robbing some people,
and all of a sudden the yodeling old man shows up,
walking, all, like, badass with a chicken.
And he starts yodeling this song to him he's like
you should and finally and the ninja's like the fuck is this and he's like chicken attack and he
throws the chicken and it transmutes into a fucking white ninja it's a white human ninja
and that white ninja starts karate fighting him like it's bruce lee or something like in a chicken
costume yeah in a chicken costume with like the the red uh thing on its head and everything and he
he defeats the black ninja uh it's really fucking funny and and it sounds so youtube
like something that would never be on tv but wildly popular on youtube yeah man it's uh i
liked it a lot and uh i i went on and like watched all the old guys yodeling shit from like back in the
day like these rainy 420p videos of like a young man he's fucking like you know out in the field
somewhere walking smiling at the camera and like just this voice that comes out of him i'm not into
yodeling he has a beautiful voice he really does like the way you can like change pitches or whatever
that quickly and have it be such like a staccato kind of thing where it's like there's no
amping into different uh pitches it's just just right up there yeah it's spikes of different like
tone and and volume there's no like uh like like it's not a flowing kind of thing it's
and volume. There's no like,
it's not a flowing kind of thing. It's very impressive,
I thought. I don't know. And that video's
hilarious. Recommend it highly.
If you were to get a tattoo, right, gun to your head,
do either of you have tattoos now?
None. Nope, none. What would you get?
I've thought about that so many
times, and every time I think about it,
I'm like,
I always come to the conclusion, it's like,
now you're wanting to get a tattoo for
the sake of getting a tattoo because you're not even that sold on the idea you're having
where i'm like oh i'll just get some like cool sleeve of designs or something i don't know it's
like do you even want that no no you don't you don't you just saw someone with a tattoo and
thought that looks neat i i so i've had different ideas right if i'd ever gone all american as a
swimmer,
I would have gotten this particular eagle with things in his claws and shit
that I would have gotten.
A pair of goggles.
A lot of people who go All-American
get this same tattoo.
But that didn't happen.
There was a time when I thought
I was going to get the YouTube logo as a tattoo
because it was kind of a big thing for me.
And then I was like, the golden play button. If I ever get a golden play button it's like my Oscars
right that I will get that and now I don't know I don't know it's really down with that anymore
now you're like I already have the gold play button tattoo right now gun to my head like so
I don't wear a wedding ring right but I'm very married and uh but the reason I wear it is because
on any given day I could be fucking with like farm equipment or construction or
paramotoring or you can really make some injuries very awful right you get degloved you get
electrocuted i've heard about electricians melting them melting them to the bone bad things happen
yeah so i just i just feel like a wedding ring doesn't fit with what i got going on
but a tattooed wedding ring like oh that that seems like a neat concept i've seen it here and there and i always thought
they were really cool and also like there's this notion the cliche that like the difference between
somebody with a tattoo and somebody without tattoos is that people with tattoos don't judge
people without them for it right and uh then it's like aha but this is like like the like the achilles heel of your
judgment non-tattoo habit you can't judge the family values tattoo right the wedding ring tattoo
has to be an exception to the look at that tattooed ruffian law that you have sure definitely
that's not like a skull on the back of your neck or anything very different it's more of an area thing with tattoo like it's just as much area as it is content unless you're
getting something that's just bananas like a naked body or like a dick or something which
of course is like inappropriate and looks shitty and trashy anywhere but you could get the most
beautiful thing tattooed right here and it's not gonna pan out it's gonna look horrible like you're
gonna look like like i every
time i see a ufc fighter uh conor mcgregor has it he does tattoo up on his neck and i just want to
like i would never slap him because he punched me but i want to slap him because it's like uh
bill burr was ranting in like one of his uh monday morning podcasts like a while back about like god
whoever the dude is who's doing all those nba tattoos needs to be called out and
punished because those dudes have the worst tattoos of anybody on the planet and they have
more money than god and if like i don't know anything about the nba and so i like looked up
a few pictures of nba players with tattoos it's just like they're just bad looking a lot of them
just like ugly and it's like the color's bleeding and it's like yeah like i never thought i never thought about the fact that you have to keep up your tattoo like you can't just get it
once and be like all right that's good forever that guy it probably looks shitty or lebron or
whoever i was looking at like it probably looks shitty because he's like fuck it i'm not getting
it fixed and so he just lets it bleed and lets it now look like trash like i also like i don't
mean to be racist but i just feel like tattoos are better on white guys. Or Mexican guys or whatever.
But black guys, there's a reason nobody draws on black paper.
Well, yeah, because there's more contrast.
What they do sometimes is they get brands.
I've seen that black guys, instead of a tattoo, it's a brand.
Those look awful.
They look okay to me.
If they're done correctly, I would never, ever fucking do that.
Like, the brand is permanent.
People in my high school used to brand each other.
Tech will get that right the fuck off.
Like, there's creams.
There's laser treatments.
It might be a little painful.
It might be a little expensive.
But you put a dick on my arm, I'll get it off by this time next year.
Guaranteed.
You brand something on me. me now that is for life
that's fucking permanent unless we start start removing sections of skin I used to surf a lot
and uh like as much as I was into surfing and it consumed all my thoughts I was never that
into surf culture I always felt like I was right on the outside uh compared to like people who
were also at my same skill level.
But there was a group of kids in Ocean City, New Jersey, who would brand themselves.
And it was some sort of like, I don't remember what it was, but it meant locals only.
Right.
And surfers are very territorial about their beaches.
And when you saw it, it was like, that is one of the cool kids.
That kid is in the most exclusive club in local surfing.
Yeah, right?
In local high school surfing.
Not just high school.
No, no, this thing carried on.
There were, like, elder surfers, you know, who had had this from 15 years ago.
And, you know, now this batch of 11th graders is getting branded and whatever.
I'm really glad I didn't go for branding.
Right!
How would I explain to you right now?
Like, dude, you don't understand how cool this makes me?
Like, in 7th Street in Ocean City, New Jersey, this means a lot.
And I go talk to any of the kids walking around there today.
They will know.
No, not all of them.
Only some of them will know.
Only on the fourth walk in Ocean City, free refills all day, motherfucker.
There are tens of people who would know what this means.
And it's a very exclusive group.
Most people don't even respect it.
Probably, I bet they could get Endless Dr. Pepper with that thing.
But more importantly, people who knew what to look for would know not to steal their waves
but yeah
I don't know. If I decided if the Blues ever win
the Stanley Cup I'm going to get a Blue Note tattoo
I've talked about some
friends with that. With the year
or no?
With the year that they win
would you do a Blue Note 2018?
I haven't decided that yet because
I guarantee what it would probably be is like,
woo, blues won the Stanley Cup.
And I'd be like, yeah, but do we all really want the tattoo?
That kind of thing.
But if I did do it, I don't know if I'd do a year.
I don't know where I'd put it.
I wouldn't want to put it anywhere too prominent.
On your chest as big as the one on your shirt is right now.
Just like this.
Right there.
Just like that.
Exactly.
Yes. Exactly. Let me ask you. big as the one on your shirt is right now just like right there just like that exactly yeah so exactly i was talking to a woman about what kind of tattoo she would get right and she said she
would get i forget what it said but the it was like i don't remember it she was gonna get it
on where her bra strap would be like, that would work.
Right.
Live,
love,
laugh where your bra strap is.
And I'm like,
maybe,
I don't know.
Does everyone think this,
is this not like a message to a lover?
Like,
that's how I interpret it.
Like,
unless you're like a nudist or something,
that's the only person who's going to see it.
But I think it's probably a message to herself.
I don't know.
You know,
I'm sure that's how she meant it, i don't know i like dude if you get like a tattoo on
either butt cheek that says insert wood right then that's a that's a message to me right if
i'm seeing that's that's definitely more intense than a little, like, oh, I have a friend who has quite a few tattoos.
And he actually was with the girl for a while.
And they both got that kind of tattoo you were talking about.
The ring kind.
Yeah, it wasn't, you were describing just a ring.
It wasn't just a ring.
It was, like, the first initial of the person they were with there.
And, like, very like very like detailed lettering
yeah calligraphy that's the word it looks really nice and then they ended up not working out and
so when i talked to my friend about it now where i'm like hey you're gonna get that removed and
he's just always kind of like ah yeah that was a dumb one yeah that was stupid and it's like i i
respect that a lot someone who has a ton of tattoos,
most of his tattoos are great,
and I do like them,
but for someone who has a bunch of tattoos
to not be delusional and be defending all of them,
I liked to see that,
because it was like, ah,
that actually lends your other tattoos more credence
because you go, oh, this one, I was an idiot.
Shouldn't have done that.
So do you know Casey Neistat at all, the YouTuber?
I know of
him all right so he's a youtuber he made daily vlogs for a while stopped cnn gave him like 25
million and then he's now he's making daily vlogs again i don't i don't know the backstory but
that's the scoop and he went to a party where they gave out free tattoos and he was like all right
i'm down and he gets one and i think it said like new york 2017 he's uh new york city is a big part of like his he loves new york
yeah i don't know how to say i was gonna say sense of self-worth but more like identity is it
new york and his identity he's one of those people that like are from new york and la
where within two seconds of meeting them they've already told you they're from new york and la
because it's so much of their identity like yeah i know, I know what you mean. He probably would be, but to me, I like the guy,
so maybe I have a different lens.
Doesn't mean he's a bad guy.
Yeah, so he got a tattoo that said New York 2017,
and because he already has, I'll make up a number,
like 12, 15 tattoos, not all that big,
it was just like, oh, yeah, I'll do that.
Like, on a whim, gets a little thing that he's not opposed to,
where, like, breaking that seal is a major deal.
Getting your first tattoo needs to be, like, done right.
And I like his tattoos.
I like them so much that suddenly, like, they're the ones I want.
But I definitely don't want to copy him.
Like, he has one that just says work.
Like, as a reminder to himself on his arm
he sees it work like stay busy stay productive whatever i have a lot of admiration for that
but if i were to get that it would be the lamest thing right it's liking his he has one i think he
took a trip somewhere i'm gonna make it up but it says like augustus you know 1997 you know for the
time he climbed a mountain or whatever it is.
And I'm just like, wow, that's a that's fucking awesome.
Like he just sort of commemorated a really amazing weekend with a tattoo and it's never lost.
And I don't know.
I like him to all tatted up.
I think it's cool.
I don't know if it's for me, but it's neat.
Yeah, it's it's something that like I don't know. I may pull the trigger on it's a neat concept. Yeah, it's something that I don't know.
I may pull the trigger on it someday, and I know what you mean.
Not interested.
If there's ever a second tattoo, it'll be way easier,
but getting over that first hurdle is going to be tough
because I just have so much trouble convincing myself I actually want it.
Don't you wish you'd just get really badly burned
so you'd have a reason to put one somewhere?
No.
My thing is the tattoo
keeps changing right so the wedding ring seems like a go around that right like i'll always want
that um but yeah like the fact that i've gone from like youtube to the youtube play button
to hella woody crafts almost as eventful in my life as in terms of like the ride
it provided.
I don't know. I've had the idea
of a paramotor tattoo, which might look
ridiculous to me in six years.
Like, oh yeah, I did that for a while.
That could be me. I don't know.
That's the concern, that you'd look back and be like,
just keep laying them over one another.
Imagine, you used to have a YouTube logo,
then it was a play button over the same fucking spot. Now it's a fucking paramotor guy just keep reusing the same territory what if i
just work my way down the arm with like passion of the year right you know like you know businesses
i start come and go like people who have tattoos that like mean too much i'm always skeptical of
like um like not to pick on Casey, but the one that
says work, if that's something that he has.
I see that the same way as me getting a
tattoo that says, on here, that says,
remember to take your penis shrinking
pills daily or it could get out
of control. And I'm just like, you know,
it's just something that's part of my life. I work
hard, I play hard, got a huge cock here,
wherever you're going.
So when I do look at tattoos like
sleeves or anything i always like ones that are just like not the tribal thing because that that
doesn't look good but like geometric stuff and like artsy stuff or if someone's like what's that
mean i could just be like well i thought it looked really really cool doesn't mean a thing i know
yeah i know it looks so fucking cool he's got the it's just it I like the opposite. Yeah. I know a guy that's got a tiger on his arm.
It looks so fucking cool.
He's got the, it's just, it's like the tiger's head, like mouth open and kind of roaring.
And then like one paw sort of like, ah, like that.
And it looks so badass on his arm.
And he's a big guy.
He works out.
He's got real big arms and it looks really fucking cool.
But that's not me.
And then, like you said, well, you can't copy somebody else's fucking tattoo.
Right?
Yeah, that's a big no-no.
My daughter has an idea.
To be or not to be, there is no question, right?
Because if you know, it's from Hamlet,
and he's deciding whether or not he wants to live or not.
And this is like a persevere on kind of message to herself.
And I really like the concept,
but I wonder if it's original.
Yeah.
I also wouldn't want color.
I would just want black and white or whatever it is, gray,
whatever they call it.
Sometimes.
And I would definitely not scrimp, right?
Like if there was tattoo shop A
and it was $300 to get this shit done
and there's tattoo shop B
and it was $180,
we're going $300. Like I shit done and there's tattoo shop B and it was 180 we're going to $300 like
like I'm willing to overpay quality on this like this is what I I want you I want to walk out of
here with a tattoo I'm really happy with and I want the guy who did it to be like wow that guy
overpaid but like that's what I want to have and I want it to be I want done with the best work I
could possibly get like I don't what I don't want is a misspelling. When we got
Jeremy's back tattooed, to
make it say, don't be,
it's supposed to say, don't be a
bitch. Right. Because, you know,
like F.E.S. Russia would say, don't
be beach. Right. You know, but
I said it that way to the tattoo
artist, so he spelled it with two E's.
He spelled bitch with
two fucking E's like beach.
And it's on that motherfucker's back for the rest
of his life.
Don't be a beach.
Don't be a beach.
As bad as that might seem,
through one lens, on the other side,
like,
that's almost the kind of commemorative
time period tattoo
that appeals to me.
Right.
There was a time when he was FPS Russia's right hand man.
I don't know about that, but I gave him the fucking tattoo.
That's the cool part.
Dude, he was in the videos, you know, like you're shooting, he's the, he's loading, you
know, he's, he's your, definitely your assistant, uh, assistant to the FPS Russia.
And, uh, I'm glad you got that.
So, like, that's meaningful at some level.
And, you know, he might not regret that.
I might be like, yeah, I remember the time I toured with Katy Perry.
And, you know, I got the Katy Perry tattoo.
Now, he's got plenty of shitty tattoos all over.
This is not his worst tattoo, despite the misspelling and the $120 price tag
and the fact that I colored in the stocks of the AKs.
You colored them in?
Yeah, that's what I thought you'd heard.
That's when I was kind of casually mentioning it.
Go into the tattoo place, and I tell the tattoo artist,
I'm like, I want to fill this thing in.
I want to color it in when I get my boys to
film it. And he's like,
dude, first of all, I'm not
losing my license. There are health concerns.
There's the health department, I think he
might have mentioned. And he's like, and that tattoo
gun, you know, it was almost like the thing had
like a Charlene over there or something. That
tattoo gun is $1,200.
And if it
was even dropped, it'd be ruined. And I was like, do you have internet?
He's like, yeah.
Let me show you what I do. And we go over to his computer
and pull up two of my videos and he's like,
wow, that's cool. So, you hold
it like this.
And I'm like, we're in fucking business,
boys. So yeah, the way I remember it, maybe I
stepped on a pedal to make it go.
I think that was the deal.
And I hand in hand to
be careful and like got my elbows propped and and fucking like did little circles and and colored in
his uh his ak's on his back and say we filmed it it's in the video it's in the video i tattooed my
friend yes how fucking hilarious that's one of my favorite little days. That was fucking silly.
I can't believe he agreed to that.
Originally, we were discussing the idea of that video.
Like, yeah, let's shoot somebody with pepper spray, a taser and rubber bullets.
And that'll be a fun video.
Right.
Less than lethal kind of kind of deal.
And I was like, who the fuck are we going to get to take all this?
And I look at my cousin, Scott.
I'm like, I'll give you a percentage.
I'm like, forget like paying you a flat fee like i'll give you a percentage i'm like forget
like paying you a flat fee i'll give you x percentage of what the video makes and it was
gonna make it's like thousands of dollars you know he's gonna make three grand or something
to take this and he's like no no fucking way three grand please and i think we may have even
gotten to five at one point no no won't do it and uh and we're like we could probably find something a fucking parking
lot scott you're telling me for five thousand dollars you won't take a little pain and suffering
i bet there's some guy outside in the parking lot who would do it sure enough we go in the parking
lot and the guy at taco bell is taking the garbage out to the dumpsters and there's a little partition
between where we are and where they are look over the wall and my buddy's like hey man you want to make some money and he's like what i gotta do and i was like oh my god we might have somebody we spell it out to
this random guy and he's on fucking board i can't i'm like i can't believe it get his name get his
number and everything he's gonna show up in two days we're gonna do this thing so i call my uh
my sheriff's deputy buddy who's providing the uh I think it's an X-26 taser.
That's the one the cops use.
Might be an M-26, but I think it's X-26.
And I'm like, yeah, we found a guy to take the taser whenever you bring it over.
His name is Bill Jones.
He works at Taco Bell.
And he's like, little Bill?
And I'm like, hey, he's a short guy.
I don't know his nickname or anything he's like yeah
i've shot him with this taser before uh that ain't gonna work he's a fucking criminal we've had to
lock him up on on multiple occasions i have literally shot that man with my taser before
he won't work and i'm like oh fuck so jeremy really came through in the pinch. I think I paid him $250 plus the cost of his tattoo, and he endured some pretty serious suffering that day.
Jeremy did not go full Trump on his negotiations there. It seems like he left a lot of money on the table.
He didn't even come back with a counteroff. He was just sold at $250, and he wasn't even there during the time we were experimenting with the rubber bullets to determine how serious of a deal they were.
Because I just ordered them off the internet, right?
It's not like we made these things.
They're not cop rounds.
They're fucking off the internet.
And so we took the bulletproof vest from the cop, put some cardboard liner in it to make it stand up instead of just falling in a pile like cloth might normally do.
And then popped it with this rubber bullet from
like 10 yards away. And it like
pushed through. It didn't penetrate the vest
of course because it's a rubber bullet. But it
pushed the vest hard enough to like tear
big holes in the cardboard. And we're all
just scratching our heads like
ooh, that's going to hurt, huh?
Yeah, absolutely.
Jeremy's a true beast.
Before we end, one more topic I've been dying to talk with you guys about.
The Syria bombing.
I'll tell you this.
On the night it happened,
I thought it was a bigger deal than it turned out to be.
Now, I know the score's not fully posted, right?
This game keeps playing.
But I thought
I thought
it could have been the start of World War III.
Like, World War starts somehow
and I thought this could have been it.
Not like a probably, but
I was concerned. And then the next day
Russia was moving some ship
towards our Navy and it was like
I could be
living in the beginning of World War III.
Now that a few days have passed,
it kind of feels like he just bombed an empty airfield.
People are acting like hardly any planes got destroyed.
I've heard that more planes got destroyed
than actually are in Syria.
I don't know what to believe.
That can't be true.
Obviously, that's where the hyperbole is, right?
Yeah. We were looking at
videos of cruise missiles, and I guess the
munition that they used, the particular warhead
that they used, it's an airburst thing.
It sort of explodes in the air and then
force it straight down.
These cluster bombs go off and shoot
stuff straight at the targets.
I would imagine with a big
fucking fighter jet that if you knock a hole
in it, god damn,
we've got to do some serious repairs and
Bondo ain't going to do it.
We can't just take this to a body shop and get her
good enough. This probably has to go
back somewhere to an
engineer to fix this shit.
Russia would really just send more jets.
Well, they'd have to buy more jets from
Russia. They're not doling them out for free, right?
The Russians don't seem...
They even call it an act of aggression, right?
The Russians are going to stand up for Assad.
Assad's their boy.
But I can't see them going to war over him.
What's really scary is that now we're there,
and Trump's made his own red line that is chemical weapons again.
And there's lots of clarification over,
oh yeah, barrel bombs are fine.
Barrel bombs are toad.
Take a 55-gallon barrel,
put some explosives and some shrapnel in it
and drop it from a chopper.
That's a barrel bomb.
Really nasty shit, right?
We could all make it in our backyard.
It's not that complicated.
It's just gruesome and awful and low-tech
and they use them on civilians.
And so we're basically saying,
barrel, bomb to your heart's content, but don't
drop a drop of chemical
weapons.
It's really saying, it's okay if you
kill your own citizens, make
sure you do it in this list of approved
ways, not in this chemical
way, which is like it's
understandable to want to shut down chemical stuff like right away because that is not like even a
slippery slope argument it's like yeah you need to keep chemical weapons on low because we all
have the technology now that we could fuck whole continents up with it if we started doing it but
at the same time it's like okay so they could just do this barrel bomb kind of stuff they can just
make their own ieds and kill people and that's hard to be like oh you can do it but you have to use different tactics
when you do it and understand that that even makes sense or that you know like it seems just like bad
politics to me you know i disagree like like you got to go back to world war one right and look at
the horrors of fucking mustard gas and chlorine gas that was used on those battlefields and how awful it is and indiscriminate.
It is just really gruesome stuff.
And everybody, and Sean Spicer flubbed up real fucking good, but including Hitler, agreed that we shouldn't use this on the battlefield.
Now, of course, Hitler used gas on the Jews and exterminated them.
So when you start saying shit like that during passover you look like a fucking
for people who don't know at least uh sean spicer said even hitler didn't use chemical weapons yeah
and then they asked him to uh to clarify and he said something like hitler never used chemical
weapons on his own people and then i think the next day he said the right thing which was like
you know what i wish i'd never said that that whole thing, which was like, you know what? I wish I'd never said that. That whole thing was terrible.
I undo it.
You know?
Yeah.
He really sort of said mea culpa.
But I don't get too wrapped up in flubs like that.
Yeah, I think it was clearly a misstep.
He shouldn't have said it, but whatever.
He shouldn't have said it, but there was nothing behind it, right?
There was no like, oh, a little something showed through.
Now we know what he's really up to it was like ah he fucking stepped it
stepped his shit there he didn't mean to say that so there's a difference to me between like
bald face lying about things we all know to be true about covering things that he doesn't want
us to know and the he's talking to a mic long enough and you'll say something stupid and and
this was clearly just that so i don't i don't care yeah i was okay with that um but but i mean he could have like immediate as soon as he
said it did i think all of our minds immediately went to the jews and the holocaust right right
um although actually i'll admit that it took me a hitch to get there i was like did you know
hitler use chemical weapons i guess he's saying not. Like, oh, right, right, the gas thing on the Jews.
Hitler had fought in World War I,
and I don't know that he was up against any gas at any time.
I know he was like a messenger.
I think he fought against the French.
I know this.
The reason he had that mustache was so that the gas mask would have a seal.
Yeah.
Cool.
He used to have a much bigger mustache.
I've seen pictures
of it um so yeah i i would imagine that if he hadn't experienced the horrors of gas and war
firsthand to his friends and possibly himself that he knew about it it was it was well known his he
knew someone who had suffered from it and everybody in world war at that age everyone did like i'm
guessing in the 1930s, everyone knows about this
atrocity from the 19-teens.
Yeah.
Many of the same people fought the worst.
You know, and...
Yeah, it's a terrible thing.
But Hitler didn't use them in war.
What he said was factually correct.
It's just fucking stupid.
I mean, it's Passover.
When millions of jews are peacefully
celebrating that time that their god massacred all those innocent people they have uh they had
the first seder at the white house which is like the uh passover thing the actual uh processions
or the the customs yeah that surprised me because i figured they would have had one by now did you
so like the syria bombing that Trump did to Syria
was as big a deal as I
did or did you kind of know
that night that nothing would come of it?
I didn't think anything would come of it.
I didn't think anything would but of course I didn't know.
I honestly didn't think anything would come
of it because we hit Syria.
And it didn't hurt any Russian interest.
We even gave them a warning.
If we had killed a couple Russians, it would be a huge fucking deal.
But the fact that the Russians got out and no Russians were killed.
Yeah, if people don't know, Trump called Moscow and let them know a while ago.
Yeah, Trump told Moscow and gave him a heads up.
And I didn't know that when I was so concerned.
Putin would swallow that pill.
Yeah, he absolutely would
we could have blown that base up and killed 30 30 russians there'd be no world war ii he's a
pragmatist he's not gonna fucking do it you think he cares about all he there's already been a world
war ii yeah is that what i said yeah i didn't think that was a big deal i really think the
north korean thing is scary because i think asad is an intelligent man who is fighting tactically and isn't going to do anything crazy
or that we would think of as crazy but that guy in north korea is a real wild card and that we
don't quite know how stable or unstable he is it's not like i don't speak korean for one thing so any
footage i do see of him,
I can't take anything from it. You know what I mean?
Like, when I see a non-English speaker
speaking, I can't really get a
an idea of their personality
and what they're like, because I've got no idea what they're
speaking. Even if they're subtitles, I can't get
the, uh, which words
they're emphasizing. I can't understand
the cadence of how they made those sentences
flow. I don't know what...
It's like reading a transcript.
The voice is almost, might as well not even be there.
So I don't know, but everybody else says this guy's fucking crazy.
What we do know about him is he is regularly launching goddamn missiles
and testing hydrogen bombs,
and he keeps his people as slaves.
It's a scary guy.
I just don't believe when things get that ridiculous,
and maybe I'm naive,
or maybe I'm the opposite.
Maybe I'm a cynic.
I feel like we're being lied to.
Like, oh, everyone in the country is a slave.
No one lives a normal life.
They're all brainwashed into thinking
his body works so efficiently he can't poop.
You know, like everyone in the country
is blind to this reality.
They all think that he golfs an 18
on the first try. On and on and on and on.
I think horseshit.
They're all not rebelling.
I don't believe that. I think it's more just
that like, isn't it crazy that
he gets all of these people
to agree to these bananas, ludicrous
clearly false things because
they're so terrified of what will
happen if they show even a modicum
of doubt with these stories
where if they're like, I don't know, maybe you shot a 19.
It's like whole family executed. Done.
Do not, Chris, do not
collect $200. You're done. Whole family, whole line.
It's just awful.
They've been, it's a monarchy.
The guy claimed his inauguration crowds were bigger
than they really were. We could all see
otherwise. He was all see otherwise.
He was full of shit.
When I think about North Korea,
I think about like,
and this sounds a bit stupid,
because I'm comparing it to The Walking Dead.
But The Walking Dead in some ways shows you what it's like when the shit hits the fan and there's no rules
and people just believe what they're told
and there's no way to fact check.
And I think that that's,
I think that there is definitely a a percentage of north koreans who are whether it's because they benefit from the current system and
society whether it's because they're they're they're just so ignorant they haven't they have
no way to fact check this shit they believe it i i think that there's enough people who believe that
this is a guy is a god or omnipotent or whatever the fuck they believe that there's it's a fact that there aren't enough people to stand up and say no he's not and drag
him out of his palace into the streets and and pull a mussolini on him you know there's there's
enough people that that are on the on his side of the fence that that shit don't happen
and it's probably not because he's like you know the next alexander the great and so inspirational
i doubt that if i did speak korean i'd be like wow he's like, you know, the next Alexander the Great and so inspirational. I doubt that if I did speak Korean, I'd be like, wow, he's making a lot of sense.
Did you see the CPG Grey thing about how to be a dictator?
No.
Yeah, we talked about that.
Yeah, we did.
Or maybe we talked about it.
I think we might have talked about it, but Kyle said he didn't see it.
And I think you'd like it.
CPG Grey videos are amazing.
And he really talks about how important it is.
Like you've got the dictator
but below him you have the guys with the the key to power key oh yeah yeah the switch pullers i
think he calls them the key holders yeah something like that and uh and how you know you have to pay
them enough and how you like the complexities that you have to deal with not to get overthrown
and to keep this thing going and i feel like like that's true in North Korea. He is
managing something correctly, or there's somebody with the actual power who's keeping all this
going. Otherwise, he'd get overthrown. Otherwise, the key holders would take charge instead of him.
Otherwise, these things would happen. There's someone right underneath him that commands the army that person must be kept happy
otherwise he'll be in charge and you regularly purges his fuckers out he's like stalin with that
shit with the amount of people who go you're always hearing about like uh this general or
that general or that brother-in-law like oh they must have stepped out of line now they're just
gone like like he it's a scary fucking situation.
I wish that guy would die,
and then maybe this general that we just mentioned,
this mystery figure, would be like,
ah, Western world, my name is Dave.
Nice to meet you.
I would fucking love an iPhone and a Cadillac.
Can we work together like if that happened
like you know the floodgates opened like imagine the untapped market that is north korea for all
the things that we make or manufacture or in the whole world does like i don't have any money they
buy our grain we would buy things from them right like like china wants their coal i guess i read
the other day that that
that it was passed down that china should start tell like returning the payment for coal or
whatever like there are the other way around they should start uh not buying coal from them or
something they're gonna like like put the kibosh on that because i guess that's a big part of the
korean economy is coal um i i keep reading about how China's going solar.
Oh, my God.
Amazingly, they just flipped the switch.
Go on.
I watched a PBS documentary.
I think it was PBS anyway.
It's a three-part thing I watched on Netflix.
The first part is gemstones, all about gemstones,
where they come from, how they're found,
business of them, gem cutters, et cetera.
Then it was like metals,
and then it was some metals and then it was
some other thing that we get from the earth i don't remember what but when they got the metals
i think maybe uh we got we fell into the elements and that led us to that gigantic chinese solar
plant where they have acres and acres of these fucking solar panels and they have enormous
factories that are just rooms upon room full rooms full of batteries and not just lithium
ion batteries although they do have so they have this thing that a man can hold he said it's the
power 500 lithium 500 iphone batteries he can hold it he slides it into a cabinet that's full
of them stacked as deep as you can stack them then it zo zooms out. He's like, this whole room is full
of these. And there are many of these rooms in this building. And then they zoom out a little
more. And this is how many buildings we have. And every building is full of many rooms, full of many
cabinets, full of many batteries. And then they show this bell curve of the daily's power consumption
and the daily power provided by the solar. And of course, there's a big peak in the middle of the
day at high noon, right? And every time a cloud comes between the sun and the solar
collectors, there's a little spike downward. So to make up for that spike downward in power coming
in, the battery station bumps up and meets that spike so that we keep constant power throughout
the entire day. And they said the amount of battery you needed to offset that was negligible was negligible like they were and they were working on that ratio on those percentages the batteries
they had wasn't just the lithium ion because they're like trying to find the best ways to do
these things they had like an acre or two of uh lead acid batteries the big ones like you'd see
in your car but of course they're not the little ones they're the big ones like tractors use these
really long ones uh and even bigger machinery, bigger batteries.
It was incredible.
And I immediately was like, we've lost.
We've lost solar.
No, we're going cold.
There is nothing fucking like that.
There is nothing fucking like what I saw in that Chinese solar place here.
And there's certainly not the
thought or the will to make it and the scientist in charge of it is like we got a smog problem here
and in the window behind him you can't see a block away he's like this is very important to us and
we're trying to lead the world in this and i'm thinking this is i feel a little ashamed watching
this this is fucking crap. We invented electricity.
We probably invented the solar.
I don't even know who invented the solar collecting cell,
but it was probably an American.
You say who invented something, America is usually a good guess.
You know?
Not always right.
I don't pretend we invented everything.
But if you had one guess and you had no idea america's a good one yeah and if
we didn't invent it we invented the thing they used to make it you know what i mean it's like
oh yeah we invented that and it's like yeah because you used our system and electronics and
our code that we wrote and the machine that makes it and that in that plastic injection mold system
and all that shit we made all that and by we I mean some people that have nothing to do with me.
I don't know.
I've said it a hundred times. I hate that America seems to be focusing on legacy
energy
while the rest of the world moves on by.
Alright.
Are you
prepared to be last?
Alright, let me pull that up in front of me.
And I'm all ready.
Yes, indeed.
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Alright.
Go ahead.
Look at us.
Very good show.
Enjoyed having Mr. Anthony Cumia on.
He's always a good show. Always.
Compoundmedia.com
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