Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #334
Episode Date: May 19, 2017This week on PKA, the guys talk about the man who insert an eel up his bum, someone being shot accidentally at a baseball game and a old man who brought his dead wife home to sleep with her. ...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
it is painkiller already episode 334 god damn it's a lot of episodes that didn't take long
for the foul language to start here we are painkiller already after two count them two
guests we're not able to make it i was saying we're just we're just not that popular this week
guys nobody wants to hang out with us yeah the prospect of four hours but the three of us was
enough to make two people go, this evening has to change.
I can't spend it this way.
It's how I take it.
I'm sure there was a death in the family or something like that.
I'm sure there was.
Kyle, sorry I jumped on you.
Probably just a dad died or something.
We have three sponsors tonight.
Movement Watches, Smart Mouth, who I love, and Seeso. We'll talk about each of those later on in the show, of course. it just dad died or something we have three sponsors tonight movement watches um smart mouth
who i love and see so we'll talk about uh each of those later on in the show of course but yeah it's
gonna be the three of us tonight it's gonna be a more intimate pka oh i love the more intimate pkas
that's absolutely because you don't have to like get them up to our speed you don't have to slowly
walk them up to or you don't have to get backstory we don't have to retell any. You don't have to slowly walk them up to... Or you don't have to give backstory. We don't have to retell any stories. We don't have to be like,
just so you know, I take off in my backyard regularly
from my own personal plane. Let me explain how it works. We don't have to do any of that.
I was born in southern New Jersey in the middle of the 70s.
A long time ago, I was really into water. Things have
evolved.
The world was black and white and not HD.
Yeah, it is nice to just have the three of us.
I was just joshing your chops.
Of course, I want to hang out with you guys.
Joshing your chops.
I had a friend in high school say that.
Is that even a thing? He could never remember if it was I'm joshing with you or if I'm busting your chops.
I like that.
It's kind of a Ricky-ism. Like a Trailer Park Boys thing.
It's like, yeah, a fucking tropical earthquake came through here,
boys. It's a disaster.
Yeah, it's like a tropical earthquake.
I love
those little jokes in Trailer Park Boys
that you'll get into the next
sentence, and because you've written so
much off of what they say as just stupid
trailer trash idiots, you'll go back a sentence
and be like, oh, that was a really funny, clever joke
right there
that I didn't get.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
There's like three different speeds of humor
mixed into one paragraph of gibberish.
Yeah, I can do that.
Let's see how.
So right before the show,
I linked the Steve Harvey letter
that I suppose he wrote to his coworkers.
And it's basically
in our chat. I'm sure we'll
read it out loud. I'll read it out loud to start.
Go ahead.
Alright. And apparently this is to everyone
in his company, on his show, I suppose.
What is his show?
What shows does he do? The Steve Harvey show?
He does Family Feud too.
Is he still on Family Feud?
Because they mix it up okay
pretty regular like it seems like you get like three four years of that and then you get a new
guy in there louis anderson did it for a while there was that guy who killed himself there's
been a bunch of people i think one of the guys was like a rapist or something could be wrong i
just read it on the internet recently that well this is to the steve harvey show cast and he's
had it so it starts out good Good morning, everyone. Welcome back.
I'd like you all to review and adhere
to the following notes and rules
for season five of my talk show.
I'll just talk louder when he goes cap
so you know when he does.
There will be no meetings in my dressing room,
no stopping by or popping in.
No one do not come to my dressing room
unless invited.
Do not open my dressing room door.
If you open my door, expect to be removed.
My security team will stop everyone from standing at my door who have the intent to see or speak to me.
I want all the ambushing to stop now.
That includes TV staff.
You must schedule an appointment.
I have been taken advantage of by my lenient policy in the past.
This ends now.
No more!
Do not approach me while I'm in the makeup chair unless I ask to speak with you directly.
Either knock or use the doorbell.
I am seeking more free time for me throughout the day.
Do not wait in the hallway to speak to me.
I hate being ambushed.
Please make an appointment. I promise you I will not entertain you in the hallway to speak to me. I hate being ambushed. Please make an appointment.
I promise you I will not entertain you in the hallway. My favorite part.
Do not attempt to walk with me.
If you are reading this, yes,
I mean you.
Everyone, do not take offense to the new
way of doing business. It is good for my
personal life and enjoyment. Thank you
all. Steve Harvey.
Can I just say really really yeah
i i you're on team harvey with this one i am not a hundred percent on team harvey but but this note
did not get written like on season one of the steve harvey show okay like he that's what a
cunt would have done he'd have come right out of the gates with like hey don't be fucking with me
i'm steve harvey you Harvey. You see the mustache?
You see the caterpillar?
That's power.
Like he'd have told him and it would have been early.
But no, after five years of doing this shit, it seems like they have been fucking with him and fucking with him and like abusing whatever privileges he allowed them before.
And he's just put his foot down.
And I like the part he put in there.
He's like, look, this is some time I'm going to apply to me.
Maybe he's trying to work out. Maybe Steve Harvey is trying to lose a little way i i do see both sides of this i did
even before you said that maybe maybe he is um but i i i so what's i'm sure that this letter is the
result of something you know he says i'm not gonna try and entertain you in the hallways please don't
try and walk with me.
I'm sure that there are people who are trying to walk with him.
Maybe.
Or maybe he's a delusional fuckhead who just thinks this is happening.
Oh, no.
I don't think he's a delusional fuckhead.
When you read this email, you can see the tiers of demands he's making, which makes me know that this is not a first draft.
He has sent out things. Season one or season two, I bet, there was one where it's making, which makes me know that this is not a first draft. He has sent out things. Season one, or season
two, I bet, there was one where it's like, hey, guys,
I know that I've been lenient and letting
everybody in my dressing room all the time,
but please, wait out in the
hall, and we'll walk and talk
there. And he, and
season five, Steve Harvey's fucking
had it. And he's like, this is
enough. I started out the same way as
you, Woody, I guess, more like the first third of it. I it i'm like oh this guy's throwing a tantrum over nothing and by
the end when he starts repeating himself and when he says and you reading this yes you i mean you
because there's 60 people in that building that think he they have a special connection with him
yep they don't mind that i walk next to him like i get him his juice yeah i'm the juice man i'm the
only one that knows he likes you know skim and his fucking latte or whatever the fuck.
No, this is not a first draft.
So by the end of it, I'm on team Steve Harvey because he clearly is a man who's just like,
can I do my show and not bother me?
Because what it is is people like him.
Apparently, there are people in his life who really like him.
And when he walks, they walk with him.
And they, whatever, hit it back and forth.
And he's like, enough.
I'm tired of being on.
And if anyone's been to a fan meetup or something,
they understand what it's like to be on for a whole day or something.
The way that I'm wired, sometimes, as awesome as everybody is,
when I get back to my hotel take a breath you know like
get some alone time but he wants that alone time all the time i guess you know whenever he's wait
we're not talking about a fan meetup we're talking about like if if you were putting yeah he's talking
no no these are not co-workers these are employees this is like if you were doing a film shoot in
your backyard that took six or eight weeks to do and it's like woody's filming adventures there's a whole camera crew there that works for you you got employees you got guys running juice
around and they're filming you take off in your paramotor and it's a whole biography about you
made by you produced by you but they won't leave you the fuck alone and you have got to be off
sometime and it would just be like if they're following you back to your actual house like
away from the trailers you'd set up in the field. Like, they're following you into the big house.
Like, hey, boss, can I come into the big house
with you and the wife?
And they're coming up, and you're like,
whoa, whoa, whoa, boundaries.
And after eight or nine weeks,
maybe season six of The Woody Show,
you could see yourself writing a similar letter.
These are his employees.
Dude, I don't see any other celebrities doing this.
I don't see, like, Ellen DeGeneres writing this to her staff. I don't see any other celebrities doing this. I don't see Ellen DeGeneres writing this to
her staff. I don't see Oprah
ever having done this.
Have you ever seen those lists of
ridiculous requests that celebrities make
when they're going to be at a concert hall or
something? I just know the green M&M one.
You know there's a solid reason for that.
The reason for it is because
they'd be like, hey,
we need all brown M&Ms in there and also this
enormous list of hyper specific audio equipment and
Stages that are able to hold this amount of weight and will being power and power techniques over here
and so basically they would hide the M&M thing in the middle of that list of requirements for the show and
Then if they showed up in their dressing room and there were not just a bowl of brown M&Ms
They'd be like someone did not read everything in that list and that means
that something might be wrong so what is this wrong the wattage is gonna be wrong again you're
gonna sound like a duck again mike i was such an idiot for so long where i'm like those pompous
assholes are the other colors not good enough for you like that's yeah that's where most people are
to get there yeah and then the explanation was great.
They're like, yeah, that's how we know that they didn't really dot every I and check every T. Not all of them are like that, though.
Some of them are like, you know, I need like 38 fucking white roses in there.
Elton John's Rocket Man needs to be playing when I walk in.
I need three Asian ladyboys there coming to climax the moment I walk in the room.
I want to start strong.
There are people who ask for ridiculous things. Huge amount of timing.
Yeah, you're just
asking for fake orgasms and you don't want
that. You've got to be in there edging those
Asian ladyboys for hours.
There has to be a point man
be like, he's coming, he's coming.
The ladyboys, me, I'm entering
the building. They have to be watching you
step by step to make sure they climax at the right time,
but they'll do it for you.
They would never do that for me.
They wouldn't do it for me
if I tried to bring them to climax myself.
It just wouldn't do it.
I don't know.
I'm still on the team Harvey's a douche here.
There are other...
Oh, Steve Harvey as a man exudes qualities that I find really,
and opinions that I find really shitty.
Um,
he,
something about homosexuals that he's,
he's very old school,
like Southern Baptist kind of a mentality.
so he's,
he's very anti-homo homosexual.
He's very anti anything,
um,
outside the,
the real norm as far as marriage and gender roles go.
And he's spoken out about that a few times.
And sometimes it's something that you can get behind
if he's talking about like, you know,
stop being a piece of shit, be a man
and like, do this, do that,
do this.
Can we play the video? Can we roll the tape?
This is six minutes long.
Real scumbag, yeah.
This is six minutes long, so I don't intend to watch the whole thing
but uh let's see where it goes scumbags get annoyed too ready set play
he does not like those relationship with god you're sitting up here talking to a dude and
he tells you he's an atheist you need to pack it up and go home you know talking to a person don't believe in god you're finished what's his moral barometer where is it it's nowhere
me speaking of god you say in the book that uh you wouldn't go out with a woman i guess a woman
should not go out with a man who doesn't believe in god no i mean why would you well do you believe
that only people who are religious are ethical and moral? No, I just believe if you don't believe in God, then where's your moral barometer?
That's just me talking.
I understand.
You can believe what you want to believe.
But if you're an atheist, you're basing your goodness and morality on what?
I mean, but what is an atheist?
I don't really get into that.
You know, I've talked to people all the time.
I'm an atheist.
I just walk away.
I don't know what to say to you.
Well, an atheist is someone who doesn't quite believe that there is somebody out there, some God out there.
Well, then to me you're an idiot.
Okay, well...
So I'm cool with that. I'm probably not the right politically correct thing to say.
But if you don't believe in God, I mean, really, you've got to have an explanation for this.
And you can't tell me this spun out of a gastrous ball, and then all of a sudden we were evolved from monkeys.
Why we still got monkeys? There's too much sudden then we were evolved from monkeys why we still got
monkeys it's too much open here i just don't know why we still got monkeys i saw a monkey last week
like you said men cheat because women allow them that was always a very confusing
i mean you know like when people like you don't even know what to say they're like well we still
got monkeys because my always my first impression was just like,
well, we've got so many different kinds of monkeys, though.
It's not like there's clearly a deformed version of a monkey
that could have been a human.
Are you guys still watching this?
I am.
I want to hear this nagging answer.
That'd be like you telling your dog that he evolved from the wolf,
and he'd be like, bullshit, we that he evolved from the wolf And he'd be like bullshit We still got wolves
It's exactly that
We can stop it
Anyway yeah I find him to be
Very close minded and pretty much a jerk
Yeah yeah
Oh for sure
Yeah he seems like a jerk in a lot of that stuff
And kind of like a douche
I just as that letter went on
It became more and more clear that like this is
not him you know for sending out this this didn't come out of left field there was something that
instigated this and this was not the first draft there was a season one version of this a season
two and what i bet what i bet is that ellen and those other shows and oprah started off right
with good rules that are
establishable. And then I bet
Steve Harvey came in and was like, no, I'm
open. I'm old Steve Harvey. Just don't
talk to me if you're an atheist, LOL, or whatever
you do. And then let you come in
and he quickly realized it was a mistake.
I wish at the end of the memo there was a little PS
like, they never pulled this bullshit
of Family Feud. Like, dot, dot, dot.
Just to let them know
they're like this is just completely uncalled for what you're doing to me well that's funny it is
called the steve harvey show you would expect him to have a little purview there you know like i
i guarantee oprah wasn't having people walking around like tap her on the shoulder and
and uh ask her questions like like how's the weight coming like like she just wasn't right
and we're all like no no, of course not.
That would be fine for Oprah to have her privacy.
She's a beautiful woman.
She's strong and beautiful.
Well, she's brave more than anything.
Yeah, the second Steve Harvey's like, y'all leave me alone.
I need some Steve time.
I got to comb my stash out.
Just leave me alone for a while.
It's like, ah.
I bet there was nothing better for Oprah's career than the fact that she couldn't keep her weight under control.
Because it made her very easy to empathize with for her largely female audience.
And she was always hawking stuff like, hey, lose this weight.
Get this trick and my stamps on it so you can trust me.
And it's like, Oprah, you're still fucking fat.
How can we trust you?
But every time she lost weight, it was another sales opportunity.
Like, yeah.
Like, hey, you can do this too.
You know the most recent one, right?
She bought, I hope I'm getting this right.
She bought a significant percentage of that weight loss program that always has celebrities pitching for them.
It's not Weight Watchers.
I think it's Weight Watchers.
Slim Fast.
I think it's Weight Watchers. I'm pretty sure she bought like a It's not Weight Watchers. I think it's Weight Watchers. Slim Fast. I think it's Weight Watchers.
I'm pretty sure she bought a significant amount of Weight Watchers
and then lost like 45 pounds
and then releases all these commercials of her for her own product,
which is Weight Watchers now.
I think she just became far more rich.
She should have to disclose that she owns it in each video,
like she was a YouTuber.
I believe in it so much, I bought it.
The best part of her getting so fat afterward
is that even if she gains 100 pounds back,
no one in her fan base is going to go,
Boo, Oprah, you got fat again.
They're going to go,
Well, I guess even the best of us
lose out sometimes. I do
want that second slice of cake.
Bring it on out.
I guarantee her audience
gained and lost weight along with her.
If there were some metric, if we could
track that, I guarantee
the combined
weight of the Oprah audience
went up and down as her depression and happiness levels went up.
Which was a way to track that.
18 quintillion tons to like 18.8 quintillion tons one year because Oprah got fucking fat as shit.
If it wasn't for the law, her fan base is so large.
If it wasn't for thermodynamics, you could just like weigh the earth and see if it wasn't for the law her fan base is so large if it wasn't for thermodynamics you
could just like weigh the earth and see if it got bigger or smaller but of course we all know that
like just the food supply went down and the people went up and that's you can't create or destroy
energy anyway they say three new oprah fans are born every minute you know probably i don't know
maybe is she still doing shit at all what i mentioned, I think, is the biggest thing.
But of course, she's got Oprah Magazine.
She did have an Oprah
serious radio channel
that she had never, ever been on once.
And Howard Stern would mock her relentlessly.
He's like, she's got her own channel.
She's never been on it once.
Oprah's never been on the Oprah channel.
What a horse shit.
That is weird. Is it just Oprah's friends?
It's like Oprah's friends.
It's like Oprah approved bullshit, basically.
It's like, ah, this horse shit was approved by Oprah.
I can't think of anyone else who's ever had as powerful of an approval voice, right?
Like, she could take any book.
She could take a fucking nursery rhyme book and put it on the New York Times bestseller list just by recommending it.
She started her own book club. What genius. I would love, like, whoever in her
structure of power, maybe it was her herself because
she seems like a real smart businesswoman. She was like, ah, I got it.
Make my own book club and then I control the power. Then every author
wants to come to me. I can pick and choose. I can be the kingmaker.
I'll write my own goddamn books under a pen name, and I'll make those the books.
No, no, no.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
All my books are in my club.
You know?
Buy my books.
What's funny is she was the kingmaker.
She had that successful show, the magazine, all of that stuff.
And it's stolen from a comedian, but he's like, if Bill Gates woke up with Oprah money, he'd jump out a window.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
But Bill Gates has got bigger aspirations, right?
I read the other day that he could be a trillionaire within some period of time.
But he's not even worth $100 billion yet.
I read it anyway.
You know, it's the first billion that's your hardest.
After that, they come so easily.
That's like saying people have been getting, you know, did you know that 150 years ago,
the average human male was 5'7"?
By 2600, the average human male will be over 11 feet tall.
No, they won't.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's just the way the money doubles and compound interest works and stuff.
Like, whatever he's at, 75 billion like that less than that i think is it
i thought he was at 50 like a long time ago yeah but he gives away oh no you're right 87 oh 87 i
would imagine that that that his idea would be you know i don't i think he's one of those guys
who doesn't plan to leave any money to his children. I would say the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation or whatever that is will live on long after Bill Gates and do good.
And there's probably a well put together plan in the works to make sure that it stays financially sound and keeps doing good for fucking ever.
So he needs to double his net worth about three and a half times, which should happen about every ten years.
Maybe he just threatened
to trade. And he's the richest man in the world,
so he can afford whatever it takes
to make him live 30 more years, right?
Yeah.
If it was literally liquid money
or liquid gold, he could do it.
Sir, you have to consume an ounce
of liquid gold every day.
Alright, well, buy it.
Yeah, right?
Get those guys on Gold Rush to find some.
Not the Hoffmans.
They suck.
Not them.
Give me that good gold.
None of that German shit.
Maybe I'm the only one.
Do you guys watch Gold Rush at all?
No.
I watched part of an episode at my grandparents' house as everyone was falling asleep for Thanksgiving.
So, for starters, I recognize that it it's fake i recognize how fake it is if anyone out there also watches gold rush and say but
the show isn't about finding gold they pretend it is but it's not the show is about the
entrepreneurial spirit these people who are like risking it all to find gold and it is just flat
out like inspiring and exciting to me and And kind of in a most dangerous catch,
they put false deadlines on things.
Yeah.
Like a conveyor belt breaks.
Early in Earth's Deadliest Catch,
I think the deadlines were real, right?
Earlier they were.
Agreed, yeah.
And then there was a change to the way the season worked
so that everybody...
The timing didn't matter.
Everyone had an allotted amount to catch.
That was shitty.
They did that for safety because it used to be, hey,
we're going to make the season this long to control how much you can catch.
And people would just work 24 hours and kill themselves in a dangerous way.
Now they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right, this is hurting people.
We'll give them whatever all season to catch this allotted amount.
But Gold Rush, it's fun to watch because they're taking chances.
They're going new places.
They're seeing what works.
They're learning a new business.
And I really like it.
The only trouble is –
Wait, is this the show where they're panning for gold?
Yes.
But not panning.
They've got all kinds of machinery and stuff.
And the machinery is always breaking down.
Yeah, that's kind of where I go wrong.
So, for example, they have a conveyor belt, right?
They put dirt on a conveyor belt.
It puts it through this machine.
It shakes it out.
The basic premise of it is gold is heavier than the other dirt.
So by, like, shaking it all out, the dirt will run away and the gold will stay in these sluice box.
It's like carpet.
And the conveyor belt breaks.
All of a sudden, it's like major drama.
The fucking Death Star music comes in.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
And the, you know, what are we going to do?
People are like rubbing their heads.
It's like, dude, conveyor belts break like three times this season.
I've personally witnessed like 24 conveyor belt breaches
because this is my 20th, you know,
like my fifth season watching this thing and they just bolt it back together.
It's really hard.
I was about to say like, like it's,
oh,
now it just eats.
It's,
it's like a,
it's like tracks on a bulldozer.
So,
all right,
we'll just snap them back together again.
It's,
and sometimes they're torn.
Like oftentimes a conveyor belt breaks in this business because a rock got
stuck somewhere and the belt kept going by it.
And it's pretty damaged.
But they usually either have a spare belt on or they're able to like bolt it back together and stuff.
Anyway, if you take away the manufactured drama, I kind of like watching people.
And there's a core of it that's kind of real.
Like the different approaches to solving the same problem.
I like the show.
I like the show because...
How much gold do these people find in?
So the answer in ounces, it seems like every week...
It can't possibly be a lot.
Because if I had a special gold place where I was raking it in,
I wouldn't be like,
all right, make a fucking tlc
show out of it like let everybody know i want to say like the better operations bring in something
like three million a year in gold but the margins aren't that great so the bigger operations it
seems like every year they're buying like machinery and and like they've really invested a lot they're
trying to improve those margins by expanding, by improving the volume.
There's some economies of scale there, right?
So bigger trucks, bigger bulldozers, bigger sluice boxes.
And it's fun to me because I think the investment decisions that they're making are real.
And so some of them are like, ah, you know, maybe last year's sluice box, we can get one more year out of it.
And other ones like, bring in Big Red.
We're going to have more capacity than we've ever had before.
We're fixing this bottleneck.
They're so excited about it, and it rarely works out.
You know why?
It's because, what was it?
Was it hundreds of years ago that this stopped being an occupation?
And people are like, God damn it.
Well, I got to go work in a factory or get a different job and these
people are like no if it takes me signing a cheap ass bare minimum tlc contract panning for gold
pretending like i'm seeing like your specs in the river like i'll do that if you took all the gold
that's ever been found in the entire world and made it a block it'd be smaller than like a normal
sized house like there's not that much gold on the planet so and this is according to the show what the hell do i know but no no you're about right
it's like um i saw him do it the other day a good way was like the washington monument they they
showed like if it were inside the washington monument how high it would stay it's not very far
it's there's there hasn't been much gold ever found 10 total on the whole so when they find
like a mason jar worth all of a sudden that's like $60,000.
I think it's like
$1,200 or $1,300 an ounce now.
Okay. Yeah. So anyway, I really
like the show, but what I really like are the
entrepreneurial decisions that they're making and not
so much like the people
arguing with each other or
fretting about a broken
flat tire or something.
I think a Bitcoin is worth more than an ounce of gold now.
Really?
Yeah.
Bitcoin is a funny thing.
Can you explain to me what it is?
Where do you get a Bitcoin, and where do you spend it,
and on what do you spend it?
How does this work?
You want me to go?
Oh, I definitely want you to go,
because I've read the answer six times,
and I can't answer his questions.
I wish Chiz was here because he's actually an expert on the topic.
But I'll say this.
It's a new currency.
Like all the other currencies, it's really only backed by the fact that people are willing to give you real shit for it.
How do you get one?
There's two ways.
Of course, like a dollar, you dollar, someone can give it to you. But to sort of manufacture it out of thin air, you have to solve a cryptography problem.
So people use either these dedicated machines or sometimes a graphics card, and they just have it churning away trying to solve a problem.
What do you mean a problem?
Sorry to stop you so soon into
the explanation so far outside of my depth but it's something like that it's a brute force hack
at this thing and they'll say like here's the code and then you have to like keep plugging numbers
into that code until you find that you've got the match, if that makes any sense. Since we don't know the specifics,
the thing is that it requires these really powerful machines
doing lots of machine hours, cranking at something to finally make one.
So there's a lot of invested machine work time,
and those machines are expensive.
There's a kind of math problem that's easy to solve forward
but hard to solve backwards.
And that's the basis of cryptography.
And again, there's probably some expert on there going, what do you have, right?
But yeah, it's a math problem that's easy to solve in one direction but not the other.
And you have to solve it in the hard way.
So you just keep plugging in numbers and plugging in numbers until you say, aha, it fit the solution that you've given me.
And when you do that, now you have a Bitcoin.
They're worth something like $1,500, I don't recall.
But they are worth real money.
At WoodyCraft, we used to accept Bitcoin for payment. What do you gain?
When you gain a Bitcoin,
who is the party that benefited from you
using your computer to solve that problem that
equation thing like who is been who gave you the bitcoin in exchange for that work there are a
couple of like trusted manufacturers of bitcoins i know one of them turned out to be dirty and the
guy like took all the money for himself i forget the name this early in a currency's life cycle my god who would have thought um but and i can't name
which ones are active right now but there are like authorities who determine that you are actually
the first one to have solved this problem and and they grant you the bitcoin they don't gain from
it they're just sort of the of the administrators of this currency.
At Woody Craft, we used to accept Bitcoin.
I didn't really invest in it because every single day we would convert it to dollars.
So some people, like Bitcoin enthusiasts, and in hindsight, maybe I should have done this,
but Bitcoin enthusiasts hoard their Bitcoins.
They keep it thinking that the currency is going to keep going up and up and up.
And thus far, it's kind of gone up like stocks do you know not in a straight line but you know you get these highs and lows
you look at where you are compared to four years ago and it's good so uh this is so confusing i
just let me read let me read let me just read straight from wikipedia what bitcoin mining is
because mining is a record-keeping service.
Miners keep the blockchain consistent, complete, and un...
See, it doesn't matter unless you've read the three pages about this.
No, you have to click Translate to English.
Yeah.
It should be in the bottom.
That's not there.
So that...
Oh, yeah, using the SHA-256 hashing algorithm,
which links it to the previous block thus giving the blockchain its
name it's it's it's so like i said it's a kind of math problem that's easy to solve forward and
hard to solve in reverse and they just keep trying and trying and typically what happens
it's so hard to earn a bitcoin you will join a group of people in and now you're on like a team of,
I'll make up a number, you know,
2,000 people, 600 people, all trying to solve the same one.
And if any one of you solves that Bitcoin,
you divide up the value of it
based on how much work you did.
So if I did 90% of the team's efforts,
and you did 10, but it was in your 10, I get 90, you get 10, because
you just really got lucky.
But the idea is that if we pool our efforts together to solve this thing, then we have
a better shot of getting it at all.
And my 90% really just means I had more graphics cards, more ASIC units doing it than you did.
Gold mining seems much more fun. Honestly,
I was just bashing the
gold miners. That sounds a lot simpler.
You go like, just shake
it and then it falls. They're like, we dig it out
the ground!
Yeah,
I'll never be smart enough to be a Bitcoin
miner, but I've got a pan somewhere.
I'm trying to read this and understand it on this Bitcoin Stack Exchange website.
It says, although individual Bitcoins enter the Bitcoin economy as miners, as miners are rewarded for processing transactions,
it's much more helpful to think of all 21 million Bitcoins as having been created when Satoshi Nakamoto defined the
Bitcoin protocol and launched the Bitcoin network in 2009.
The reason for this is that the Bitcoin protocol specifically defines and
controls when and how a limited total number of coins are rewarded to miners
for the job of securing the Bitcoin network.
These bitcoins are really just mathematical tokens,
which are very carefully controlled by the network protocol to prevent
counterfeiting theft, et cetera. By agreeing to use the mathematical tokens which are very carefully controlled by the network protocol to prevent counterfeiting theft etc by agreeing to use the mathematical tokens as money the larger bitcoin
community is essentially backing their value and turning them into a currency in the same way
traditional african and asian societies use the money cowrie despite the absence of any central
bank unlike the money cowrie uh there will never be more bitcoins they are impossible to counterfeit uh they can be
divided into as many small pieces as you want and they can be transferred instantly across
this or whatever whatever so i didn't so there's only 21 million of them out there yeah let me
picture this because here's how i'm picturing it so it makes sense to me now i'm imagining he drew
an enormous math equation that's difficult to solve, like just gargantuan on a marker
board bigger than you can look at.
And within it, if you solved the entire thing, you would have 21 million bitcoins, because
that's the cap.
There will never be more or less than that.
And since its initiation, people have been slowly solving it and earning from the total
amount of 21 million. But there's still very much more marker board to solve.
And I think I read that it's being solved at a rate of like 12.5 per day or something.
12.5 bitcoins per day.
Oh, wow.
That's really slow.
Noteworthy thing to mention is that every time someone gets a bitcoin, the next one is harder.
So these math problems keep getting exponentially more difficult.
And so the
value rises right now computers tend to get better and these you know they they're like asic i think
is how you pronounce it these asic machines they're dedicated bitcoin miners they tend to get better
every year but um you know so it just we have to we have to use bigger shovels and they have more
dirt and that's yeah right i'm such a such an internet like that's
when the bitcoin idiot crashes like like what do you do do you go do you just go to like bitcoin.com
and click like start mining and like yeah pretty much that someone else has a program that that
you download and you run uh the amd graphics cards i hope i have this right too i think i'm
going to be partly right on most of what i'm saying. AMD graphics cards tend to do very simple instructions.
So every instruction's worth a little less,
but they do more of them at a time.
Whereas Nvidia cards tend to do more complex instructions,
but they do few of them at a time.
And for Bitcoin mining,
it turns out that the AMD idea is much better.
So there's something like 10 times better than Nvidia cards for mining Bitcoin but I think using video
cards to mine Bitcoin is now become old-school because they just suck too
much energy for what you get out of them now you buy dedicated Bitcoin machines
so if any so if you get like 12 of these a day twelve and a half whatever you
said Kyle worldwide does that does that mean that like people who set this up So if you're getting like 12 of these a day, 12 and a half, whatever you said, Kyle, worldwide,
does that mean that people who set this up like six months ago still don't have their Bitcoin?
Oh, I'm sure there are people who don't.
If you were to try to do it by yourself...
No, no, no, I was wrong.
I think you'd never get one.
The supply growth is 12.5 Bitcoins per block approximately every 10 minutes until midnight 2020.
And then afterwards, 6.25 bitcoins per block.
Oh, this is how much more difficult it gets to mine as time goes on.
This is how many bitcoins you get per block of the equation that is solved.
This is something completely different.
This is supply growth.
As they work their way up to
that 21 million cap,
they're getting harder and harder to solve.
I understand economics somewhere between
this and Patty's dollars.
I don't know Patty's dollars.
Because Patty's dollars is always sunny
where they're like, Patty's dollars.
Just distribute them out to the people and they come
in and they have to spend it at Patty's.
I don't think I understand how this fake economy works.
I don't think I understand how a real economy works.
Oh, no, I blacked out that night.
Yeah, I thought you were leading the chat.
I'm looking for a new topic.
Patty's Dollars is a solution.
Oh, I don't know if this will go anywhere, but it was very exciting to me.
This is going to be a video.
I was, so for people that don't know, a Vario is a machine that like tells you your altitude
as it goes up and down and people use it for flying around in a paraglider.
Anyway, I was searching it and it said best Vario ever.
It's a two minute video and hang with me because there's a little bit of that, you know, wait for it in this video, but check it out. Are you guys ready? Yes. All right. I thought it was
amazingly cool. We'll see if it goes anywhere as a topic. Ready, set, play. So what we've got here
is a paraglider guy. He's like a paramotorist, but he doesn't have a motor and instead he jumps off
the side of a hill. And above him, there's a a does anyone know their birds this is a hawk a falcon an eagle can we tell
i can't tell some so it's it's some kind of a bird of prey it's it's something like that
certainly not a pigeon no so it turns out that this thing is his pet that's circling around and uh he's gonna launch
in the next few seconds here i'm sure of it he's watching the pet and the pet is like doing laps
around finding thermals finding like columns of rising air he uses this pet to help him find lift
as he goes flying and uh he's about to launch but
check this out did you see that thing hanging off the side of him I thought it
was a camera it's directly into him now so it's difficult to see but he's about
to fly away and you'll get a much better view of it does he have a fan on his
back no no he's just jumping into rising air now he's he's sideways. Do you see that thing sticking out the side?
I thought it was a...
The bird's going to land on that, eh?
Yeah, any second now.
Yeah, this is his...
Join me, bird!
Look, here comes the bird's in the upper right.
And he comes.
And he fucking joins him in the sky.
This, to me, was the coolest thing.
That is pretty cool. Come, Pr is pretty cool I didn't mean to go
yeah he leaves and then he comes back and lands again I birds like my human is
the best yeah man I saw this and I don know. He's still a bird person and we did rip them pretty hard.
Well, this is a different kind of bird person.
There was a guy who would come to my dad's place and he was a falconer.
And I don't know what kind of bird it was he had, but he had these two falcons, whatever the fuck.
And they had these hoods on their heads so they couldn't
see shit and uh he had the like a special like glove that he wore and they would perch on his
arm and he'd fucking send him after doves and they would hit the dove mid-air so hard that feathers
would poof out of them uh and and retrieve the doves back to this guy and at the end of the day
he had like four doves like his which is you know enough to eat like oh that kind of i was like
is dove soup a thing i don't really know like dove is very tasty so dove breast is like this
very nice morsel of white meat that's better than chicken um it's really really tasty and uh it's
doves are so like 10 like like there's barely any bones in there the way you like get the breast out of the dove you once it's dead of course you literally just tear the skin off with your bare hands and
then reach in and grab its breast and rip it from its body with your bare hands again you're like
yeah now i've got a dove breast another one in the bag and we would just make a whole bag of these
things and then you know of course wash them and clean them and trim off any fat or anything.
Does it taste like chicken?
So much better than chicken.
You put cream cheese in the middle,
and then you, like, wrap it around the cream cheese
and then wrap bacon around that and stick a toothpick through,
maybe a little jalapeno on there, and you grill them.
And they're called, I think they're called dove balls.
Part of me is like, no wonder it's better than chicken.
I just put it on the George Foreman grill and add salt.
Okay, well then yours would not be that much better than chicken.
It would be comparable to chicken.
You'd say this was a very small chicken.
But yeah, doves are pretty good.
I just can't see the value of,
but how many of those doves did he have to feed to the birds?
Two?
Even then, I guess, it's for him. He didn't feed any of the doves did he have to feed to the birds? Two? Even then, I guess, two for him.
He didn't feed any of the doves to the birds that I saw.
I think he had some special falcon food back home.
I don't know what these birds ate.
They looked expensive, and they were large and intimidating.
His wife was there, and she had an old school...
This was a long time ago.
She had the cassette tape thing, making the video and uh at the end of it she she's like oh yeah here's a copy of our
like greatest hits and like gave us this vhs of like him hunting you know hours of him hunting
it was so lame and fuzzy and hard to see like you mentioned the birds were intimidating right
i swear i'm on a different page than you guys with regards to wild
animals and i'm not 100 sure i'm right or even domesticated animals i just don't see them
better yet through my head it looks like you see them as these like ridiculously strong
super mythical beasts right like like woody oh no no no if you went up against a 60 pound
herbivore herbivore that thing would slaughter you and i'm like that thing slaughters flowers
for a living i would fuck it up you know that's what's happening in my head i think it was two
weeks ago something kyle was like yeah we used to regularly shoot cows with paintballs they don't
care and i'm like you know to's just to paraphrase wings of redemption
cows are people too they feel it just like you know anybody else no cows are walking around
wearing leather gloves everywhere with a very thick level of other gloves yeah really thick
with the fat you can make leather from our skin yeah but not if you could make leather from our
skin we would make human gloves there's a reason we use cow skin for that.
There's a reason Buffalo Bill
had to apply so much lotion there.
Hold on.
The reason we don't make leather out of humans
is that it's people's brothers and sisters and moms.
It puts the lotion in the basket.
If that were a superior glove,
we'd see more of those around.
We only saw one psychopath who made them.
It's thicker skin.
That's why it's very thick.
Do you know why serial killers
don't use human leather to make
chaps for riding their motorcycles?
It's because it's too thin.
That's why they use it for things like lamps.
Because if you tried to use leather on a lamp,
it wouldn't shine through.
You don't realize your lamp making is fucked up.
Because they'd be identifying tattoos on the thigh.
No, if you want a lamp made out of some kind of skin, human skin,
you know, that's why they do it.
Very nice.
Because the light shines through.
Yeah.
Can't do that with leather.
That's an embarrassing mistake.
Woody, I don't know if you're aware, but there's a serial killer who did these things.
Like he had these human skin lamp shades.
Let's look them up.
There's pictures of human skin lamps.
Let's not do that.
No, let's do it.
I was about to tell...
We're about to go into like wild animal fighting.
Yeah, okay.
Let's talk about that.
Like, all right.
Let's take like a 300-pound calf, which would come up to like this tall.
Like it could one shot kill you if it kicked you in the head.
You would die.
I'm on board with that right
this is a thing that walks around it's right hundred rounds on those legs all
the well 300 pounds a lot bigger than me right I most that's a little one I hear
you that's specifically cows though like it I feel like if I were to tell you
sorry I'm trying to think of a good animal that's smaller than me that you think would kick my ass.
Like, I don't want to go chimp.
We've been there too many times before.
I think you'd be on my team against a fox or something that's too small.
You could definitely beat up a fox.
You could beat up, if you had a stick stick that was you know like a mob handle you
could take like a coyote um the animals that i've been able to handle right have not been superhuman
you know my my dog which animals have you handled dogs domesticated rabbits who are your slaves
rabbits like god itself they're like that's god I pull too hard, he might just snap his
fingers.
A lot of people think that
an eagle would kick their ass.
I would grab an eagle by the talons and
smack it like Bam Bam.
No, you would blindly grasp my eyes
as people ran
away from the eagle swooping.
In my head, you know how when someone
throws you keys eagles would fuck
somehow keys are very easy to catch like even if you do it wrong and you like didn't catch them
and they're in the outside of your fingers you still caught it you know yeah i think that's how
catching an eagle would be i go up i might get some legs might get some wing might get a little
neck who the hell knows but you grab an eagle and you're like, I caught it by something,
and now it's fucked because I'm ten times
its weight. I think you're right.
It's going to do some fucking damage.
I think that you might require
a lot of stitches on your hands
afterwards, but yeah, you would crush the eagle
pretty much no matter how big of an eagle we're talking
about, although they have those that are like six or eight foot
wingspans in South America.
Maybe not that guy. Maybe that guy you've to like like ground and pound i have a six foot
wingspan with a whole lot of me holding me down him out right i'm like i don't need to put a rear
naked choke on a bird i'm just way bigger and i think stronger i just that there's so much faster
like it would first of all it has that element of it can fly incredibly fast.
And so you're going to be on the ground.
And let's give you the benefit of the doubt
that you see this.
It's a very sporting eagle.
And so it comes in straight on.
And so you're standing there in eagle fighting position,
which I imagine would be hardly differentiable
from a blind panic.
And they come in hot.
It's going to come in with those talons out.
You're going to put your hands out. Hopefully
one of those talons doesn't punch right through your
palm right off the start. Oh, it can't do that.
Hopefully. It would fuck
you up badly. I'm not saying it won't
get scratched. I just don't think it'd puncture
right through the back of my hand.
Okay, then even then, let's say
I said, I was saying
best case scenario is it gets stuck in your hand,
because then it's a little bit further away at least, and it's going to take it a split second to realize it can now peck your face to smithereens.
But if you don't catch those talons, they're going to hit you in the face of the chest, they're going to fuck you up,
it's going to remove an eye, its beak is going to be coming down too.
Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop! Its beak is going to be coming down to It's just going to be a flurry of damage
And you will go so quickly from
I'm a large bipedal ape
And I will not be intimidated
To like
This fucking bird off of me
That's where the fundamental difference is
I just don't assign
These superhuman attributes
To the other animals
Cows don't feel
pain. Eagles,
even though they're one-tenth my size,
will destroy me and start ripping eyes out
instantly. Cows do
not feel pain. It's just
huge. I've seen them take
gory injuries that I didn't
do. They just happened to them.
They don't cry
or go in a corner
and like oh my my poor my titties hanging off ripped apart now because i jumped over a fence
wrong like right she doesn't care she's pissed and i saw a guy i've seen people get attacked by
cows and the cow like gets them down and like wallows them with the top of his head like
mushes them and it'll they'll stomp and they'll kick um and i'll check in to
just just for the listeners i didn't say i could take a cow like they get i i i think size matters
and i know that cows are herbivores and they kind of but there's just so much to it they're going to
be strong you know and and in the same way that a really heavy guy has strong legs, a cow is going to have strength all over it because it carries itself around.
And it's not even like an obese cow that's like, oh, man, I'm really huffing and puffing.
It's made – it's just big.
The only thing that keeps a cow from beating your ass is that for some – they're not bright and they're very afraid of us.
They're not bright and they're very afraid of us.
There's like 60,000 pounds of meat that could just trample you and retake the whole town.
If they had one ballsy bull who could rally them together.
But no, they just, you know, one guy walks out. There's grates across the road, so what can you do?
Back to the farm.
People don't know.
Those little grates, they put on their cows. Like, dude like two cows you could totally walk on this i get it
you have hooves it's a little tricky but this is not a showstopper if you would just put your mind
to it but for them it is remarkably low ambition animal that's a great way to phrase it nothing to
achieve at least like you know desert creatures and and least like, you know, desert creatures and
arctic creatures. You know, a lot of ambition.
They always have to be doing something to survive.
You'll get provided
beautiful fields of grass by
kind humans to eat.
So, you should definitely mute
this because this...
And this is the best quality I could find of this.
I've been looking for like a minute and a half.
For mute? Yeah, you don't want to hear any of this. I've been looking for like a minute and a half. Four music?
Yeah, you don't want to hear any of this.
It's just like silly music.
And none of the original audio.
Called Eagle Attacking Sloth HD.
Alright, ready, set, play.
Alright, there's a sloth moving slowly.
This audio is not so bad.
I was wrong. Give it a little audio.
The sloth really taking his time.
As they're known to do.
They are one to do.
They are- I'm told that when sloths move that slow, they're terrified.
I read it on the internet.
Oh!
Well...
Well, he had a right to be terrified.
Yep. He has been snatched. Well, he had a right to be terrified.
He has been snatched.
I wonder right now if he's picking up the pace at all.
Or if he's just like... He's doing that thing that small dogs do
when you pick them up out of the pool
where they just keep paddling.
Really slow, though.
Yeah, really slow.
Man, you've got to be livid at Mother...
If those things had
sentience, they'd be furious at their
lot in life. I want to know what
happens next.
It'll kill it and
feed it to its
babies, right?
It's like a weird town driven through its skull.
Ah, so
it is dead right away.
It said its impact nearly always results in instant death.
Birds of prey are the utter evil.
But I don't think it can get through my skull.
Yeah, she's got a much bigger skull than a sloth based on, you know, my knowledge of sloth skulls.
I got that Homer Simpson thing going on.
Dude, he'll hardly get through my hair gel.
It's being fucked.
Double thumbs.
He comes away with a bunch of woody hairs behaving like splinters in his paw.
He's like, ah, there's talent.
Like, ah, shit.
What do you got, man?
If you wear a motorcycle helmet, like even that level of rudimentary protection the fuck that eagle up?
you'll get some arm and chest cuts but
Motorcycle helmet that things it's done
Because it'll like break its talons on the helmet cuz it won't be smart enough intellect is our finest
In that in that in that game
We've been playing like that there's three different tiers of helmet and the first helmet you find is the motorcycle helmet
It's like yeah, I guess it's better than nothing like a real life scenario you'd be
like it is better than nothing like i can i can totally imagine putting that thing unless you need
visibility or hearing yeah have you written have you had motorcycle helmets lately i've had a race
seeing i've had racing helmets on okay which were real. They felt huge.
It felt like the part that you're touching is out here.
It's really hard to hear out of them, but they feel comfy.
They're always so comfortable.
Yeah, mine might be a little small.
Maybe it'll help when I get smaller.
Now motorcycle helmets, they compete on how much sound they kill.
They usually have chin curtains that come in more and stuff like that.
Decibel ratings, I'm sure.
That's cool.
Yeah, anyway.
I know aeronautical, I think that's the right word,
headphones, headsets are always really cool.
I have a set somewhere.
Do you?
Yeah, that whenever I was going to do,
went to fly once and thought I might get my pilot's license,
I got a set and a bunch of other things that I was potentially going to need.
But they completely block out all the sound.
They're super duper noise canceling, but they're not using any electronics to do it.
They're using like old school.
Some of them do.
The ones I had were not.
Yeah, I have...
What I own are just Bose noise-canceling things you might wear on a plane.
You've got a Parrot thing that's in the same family.
Yeah.
You know what I...
But Bose also makes aeronautical ones, and they're like $1,200.
And I briefly was like, should I try to modify this and mount it to a helmet?
And then I'd have the radio and all that stuff tied tied in but i just decided it was too much money uh i was in an armor personnel carrier and it had
the world war ii era version of like aeronautical headphones and microphones amazing the the clarity
and the noise canceling on those things because it's impossibly loud inside that thing it's like
being under the hood of a big diesel engine all the time. But you put these things on and it was like, wow, I'm having like a private
conversation with the driver now that's like completely 100% clear. I can't hear anything
else but him. And they were old tech, right? They were old tech. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was
very cool. It was a whole helmet you put on. You could just put on a headset.
There's bullets coming too, I guess.
And it worked really, really well.
And I just remember not knowing how serious he was
because we were going to McDonald's in an armored personnel carrier.
And I was like, I just kind of fired a shot across his bow,
metaphorically speaking.
And I was like, we're stowed away back here, sir.
Ready to rock and roll he went
10-4 good buddy let's head on out and i was like all right he's fucking he's on board because he
was like the guy who owned the thing at first he was a little iffy about going to mcdonald's but
he like assumed the role right away and like wouldn't let any of his inferior his subordinates
drive the thing he's like oh no no no putting the helmet on and his camo jacket he's like like
flipping the collar out
and getting down into the damn
thing. Have you seen the movie Fury?
Oh, I thought there was... Fury's
excellent. We'll talk about it in one second.
I was just going to say, that same guy,
he had an issue with DUIs
and he
was like, look, I've been drinking. I can't drive on the roads
anymore. So I'm going to
drive my armored personnel carrier home straight through a forest
because he owned it all anyway.
So to avoid the highways and get home,
he drove his armored personnel carrier through a fucking forest
just ripping shit down drunk.
And that's true because there's no other traffic,
and if any deer run into him, he's an armored personnel carrier.
Armored personnel carrier.
There you go.
You've had some really neat experiences from the channel.
There's been some cool stuff that went down.
Do you remember the movie Fury very well, Taylor?
Have you seen it?
Yeah, I've seen it twice.
I think I remember it pretty well.
I've seen it recently.
And what got me to watch it is somebody was like, oh, yeah, yeah.
You know, the rape scene in that was, you know, like everyone kind of gave it a pass.
And I'm like, rape scene?
Like, I don't quite remember that.
So here's what happens.
In the movie Fury, if you've never seen it, Brad Pitt is the star and he runs a tank.
And his tank and crew have been curiously successful through World War II.
It's towards the end of the war.
One of their guys died, so a new person comes in,
and so does we, the audience, to join this tank crew.
Anyway, the new person at first is a little gun-shy about shooting Germans.
He doesn't like killing people.
He was supposed to be a typist, and suddenly he's in a tank crew they win a battle and go into this town where they've taken it over
and there's germans in this town well it kind of like a quiet little like you know private spot
away from the war they find these two women a mom and a daughter, who were civil. And they make them some tea and I think some eggs.
And the daughter, originally they hid her.
And I don't know, I guess it's smart to hide your daughter from American soldiers in World War II.
Or at least in this movie it is.
And at one point Brad Pitt goes, you know, like, I don't know how he phrases it, but it's
something to the effect of, like,
if you don't lay with her, I'm gonna.
And Brad Pitt's a little, like, rough
and tumble, and, you know, the audience, of course,
wants this typist
who's a better fit for this gentle, innocent
girl.
No, the audience wants to see Brad Pitt
go back and give her the american experience
right so then they're just to wrap it to the end um they fuck and she seems to really enjoy it and
they're like shooting uh like cutesy loving gazes at each other and there's two ways to interpret
it you could either say like hey we're having sex you can choose to enjoy it or not
but we're having sex i read it differently oh that's great i didn't see it that way i didn't
see it quite that way no i was saying the way i saw it was that he was paying for that sex
uh with those eggs that's why he counted them out he He's like, look how many eggs I have.
He's rolling those eggs out, this precious commodity. And I think he had some
chocolate bars, maybe, too. He's
laying out the goods on the table real slowly.
He's buying the girl, and she's
all too happy to
sleep with Private Joe over there
to get all them eggs and chocolate.
The Russians were the ones
who would come in and do the raping
um i i think that you usually if we went and did some raping like our our soldiers get in trouble
they'd get fucking hanged and shit for raping i took it as as purchasing that young lady and it's
funny because they mentioned in other parts like the i think shortly before that a tank drove by
a really pretty woman and uh one of the other people in the
tank but we have mentioned him yet goes she'll fuck you for a chocolate bar and
they yeah I'm just like really like dude I'm on the same page as 1945 40 would
really do well in this environment yeah it's stock up on the Hershey's movie
candy money.
When he just shows up in fucking 1943
with a ton of boxes of everlasting
gobstoppers just getting laid
left and right.
This will last you until the next time I come around,
babe.
Yeah.
I saw
the scene the same way as Kyle, where I kind of
saw this purchasing.
I mean, the way that he was handing the shit out and the way that they were sitting down to dinner, it clearly wasn't like just, oh, may as well share with these folk like that kind of vibe. It definitely didn't feel like that.
The first time I watched it, I thought they just kind of fell in love.
You know, this is an environment where we could all die any day.
Relationships happen in fast forward,
and in this case, about five minutes.
That's the way I saw it the first time.
And then I read on the internet the way I just described it,
like, hey, sex is happening, you can enjoy it or not,
but I'm getting laid here.
And I was like, wow, that was a rape scene in code.
That's one way to view that scene and i i'd never thought of
it that way before so i don't know kyle might be right i like i like the war that was my least
favorite part of the movie because like when his friends come up that they they basically have
they're well no i don't even see it that way. I see them having a goddamn emotional breakdown.
Everybody on that team is pushed to the limit.
Like, they're enraged and, like, crying over the loss of their friend at the same time when they're, like, spitting on eggs and licking.
And everybody ends up crying at the end of that dinner.
It's not that everybody's mad at each other and, like,
how dare you, like, you know, come up here and have this special time with this new guy.
It's like, God, we lost whoever that guy was.
They're all just falling apart over the death of that original guy still it's a good
fucking movie uh shyla buff the end made a real ass of himself uh throughout the whole like uh
production like he was washed uh throughout the whole production uh those cuts on his face are
real because he cut himself um uh with a knife uh so they so you'd have real cuts on his face or real because he cut himself um uh with a knife uh so they so you'd have real cuts
on his face and apparently he just stunk really bad all the fucking time uh wouldn't wash or use
soap or deodorant and like wanted to be like a real tanker uh and and was just a real cunt about
it nobody nobody enjoyed working with him now he's hiding flags around the country that's quite
the career trajectory oh even ste even Stevens were crawling up.
Oh, Fury.
We're in a real war movie.
Oh, he's hiding flags
and mad at politicians.
Now, look at the difference
between what happened
when Jonah Hill worked
with Brad Pitt once.
Brad Pitt's like,
oh, my God, well,
we need to make a career out of you.
Jonah Hill has such a cool career now.
Hasn't he been nominated
for two Oscars now?
He's like 30.
Oh, are you talking about Moneyball?
Yeah, well, he was in Moneyball first,
and then he was in Wolf of Wall Street, and then he's like 30 you're talking about moneyball yeah well he was in moneyball first and then he was in
wolf of wall street and uh and then he's in something he was now he's now he's in a ton
of movies i really like jonah hill jonah hill's pretty good actor isn't he yeah i i think he's
great every so often i appreciate it most of the time i don't notice actors right like i didn't
brad pitt in that in fury i thought it was fine but i but I don't think Brad Pitt delivers the kind of performances that makes me say, like, oh, my God, this guy's got chops.
But every so often a guy does.
Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad is the biggest example to me.
I don't know what kind of range he has, but holy smokes, did he crush that role in Breaking Bad.
Who's the guy that died recently?
who's the guy that died recently?
He was in a film with Tom Hanks about Afghanistan and the Taliban.
Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Man, he had acting chops.
And I never really appreciated when he was alive.
Another, Brokeback Mountain Joker. Heath, Keith Haring. Heath Ledger. he's alive um another the broke back mountain joker uh heath keith heath ledger heath ledger
yeah yeah i don't know why i jumped in that guy had acting chops that i also didn't appreciate
until he was dead yeah we all know keith hedger that guy oscar nominated
what a winner winner yeah yeah winner winner. Winner, yeah, yeah.
Winner, winner.
Chicken dinner.
Anyway, yeah, every so often I see a guy with acting chops.
And Shia LaBeouf, I thought he did a bang-up job in Fury.
I think Shia LaBeouf is a very good actor.
He just seems like a real oddball kind of guy in real life.
Kind of a kook.
I don't mind that.
I pay to watch him pretend like he's someone else.
Taylor was kind of, I thought, throwing stones.
Like, oh, his career trajectory is going down.
Now he's planting flags, whatever.
I empathize with that.
I'm like, dude, this guy, I'm sure he doesn't need money.
Now he's doing whatever the fuck pet project he likes to do.
Knock yourself out.
He's still doing movies and stuff.
It's not like he's really just planting flags.
I can't name it, but I know he just did something.
You mentioned Brad Pitt. Netflix has
a new movie starring Brad Pitt
and a bunch of other well-known guys.
I think it's like an Iraq
war kind of movie. Is it out?
No, it's coming. There's a preview
on Netflix for their movie
that's going to be released. A Netflix original?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd be down to see that.
Netflix is now bagging Brad Pitt, people like that.
That's pretty crazy.
Who would have thought that just like three years ago
or even two years ago?
I would have thought it was a bad idea.
So Louis C.K., what was it called?
What was the series he made?
It wasn't funny.
It was kind of depressing.
It was in a bar.
Louis or Lucky Louis, one of them. It was in a bar. Or Lucky Louie. One of them.
I don't think it's...
Are you talking about Louis C.K.? Yeah, but it's called
Pete and Carol or Pete and Harold.
You don't know about this?
I only know about... He did Louie and Lucky Louie.
I don't know any other shows he's done. You're talking about the one that had
where they're in the bar and it's really
dimly lit and it had that guy
Steve Buscemi. Buscemi, yeah.
I was going to say the guy with the fucked up teeth in it.
I love Buscemi.
Mr. Pink.
So it was called Pete and Horace.
He did nothing to promote it.
He did nothing to promote it and you guys
didn't even know about it.
I saw the whole thing.
It was...
I enjoyed it.
It wasn't funny at all. It wasn't meant to be funny.
It was deep.
Bad shit happens, and I cared.
So I guess it was good.
It just wasn't, like, you didn't watch it and be like, you know, man, like, that was time well spent.
Like, you know, what a good 40 minutes.
No, dude, it was like, oh, fuck, really?
Like, that hurt.
So people were throwing stones at Louis C.K. saying, hey, like, you lost money on that.
You paid Alan Alda.
You paid Steve Buscemi.
Like, you know, these were real actors with real fees.
And it didn't sell anything like you thought it would.
Your whole idea of not promoting it, hoping it would go viral in spite of it, turns out promoting helps sell things.
And he's like, no, you don't understand.
I own the rights to that.
Like, I'll be getting royalties to that.
You think I lost money based on how it did in the first year?
Ownership of intellectual property like this is worth a bundle.
So I wonder, circling back to Netflix and these, like, Brad Pitt movies and all this other stuff,
is this a good business model?
Whatever ownership they have of these two chapelle specials gonna be amazing
over the course of this rock and that one's coming yeah what i want to know is like and i wouldn't
think they would but but but like okay so normally a movie comes out and eventually gets licensed
to uh tbs or tnt or or nbc you know they if it like they play a christmas story every year right
like they because they own it um or at least they own the rights to it uh for a certain period of or NBC, you know, they play a Christmas story every year, right?
Because they own it.
Or at least they own the rights to it for a certain period of time.
They're leasing it or whatever the fuck.
But would Netflix ever do that?
I don't think so,
because it would decrease what they're all about.
So if you ever want to watch that movie,
I think you got to go to Netflix, right?
Like, will you ever be able to watch this Brad Pitt movie
I'm referring to?
Ever is a long time.
Outside of a Netflix subscription?
Maybe 10 years from now when it's totally not interesting anymore,
it does what Con Air does and pops up on all sorts of random shows.
Yeah, that's what I can see happening,
is when there's no more reason to protect it.
It's like, well, this movie came out 13 years ago
and nobody's tried to download it in a week.
We're not driving any more Netflix subscriptions
because of this 14-year-old movie.
We're going to get more money out of this investment
by leasing at the TBS or whatever they call it, leasing.
But yeah, so apparently owning these things is worth a ton,
and we'll see.
I don't know.
I thought that it only mattered,
the royalties only mattered if it was successful,
like if it was syndicated.
Well, with Netflix, there are no royalties, right?
Well, yeah, if something goes into syndication.
About Louis C.K.'s thing, what was that on?
Like a TV network or on Netflix?
No, his website.
Oh, his website.
Okay.
I think he's counting on someone purchasing that from him someday.
That's what it sounds like he's saying to me, that, hey, someday Netflix is going to want this show in their catalog
to add with the rest of my stuff that they've already bought.
Or maybe it'll be HBO.
But whenever Alan Alda dies and it's a big news story
and we all get nostalgia over that,
I got some premium Alan Alda content over here that nobody's ever seen.
That's clever, actually. I didn't think
of that angle, but he's right.
I like Alan Alda. I used to watch
M.A.S.H. as a kid.
It was, of course, reruns, because God knows
when that shit aired, but it's
the medic unit during the Korean War, which I
didn't know much about as a kid.
That was a good show. It was a great show.
I never watched M.A.S.H. You had one character who was constantly dressing in drag it's it was it wouldn't
work today but there was one character who constantly dressed as a woman in an effort to
get kicked out of the army and go back home but they had just accepted that like yeah he dresses
as a woman he's not really crazy he just wants to go home they did catch 22 in one of the episodes
he probably people are familiar with Catch-22.
But basically he said, hey, I'm crazy.
I want to go home.
And they're like, ah, the fact that you don't want to be here tells me that you're sane.
All these other people are crazy.
And they based an episode on it.
And it was fun.
Damn.
Ah, smart little move by that CO.
Whoever the fuck saw through the dress and the mascara.
Ah, you're not getting out of here.
You're going to die in this fucking Korean forest swamp with the rest of us.
Yeah, there's something called a Section 8 that lets crazy people go home.
Anyway, Kyle?
Have you seen the new Norm MacDonald special that's on Netflix?
His comedy special.
I haven't finished it yet.
I really liked it.
I really enjoyed it.
That last joke is great, the whole Hitler's dog thing.
I liked it a lot.
I watched it last night.
I tried.
I got my hair cut, and my barber, we were talking about Joe Rogan,
and he's like, I don't care for his comedy.
And I'm like, man, you've got to see his new special.
It's amazing.
And he's like, no, Joe Rogan's comedy is not good.
Like, I was on that team until this special,
and he could not be convinced that Joe Rogan could possibly be funny.
Speaking of a boost to Joe Rogan, it's not a stand-up.
His most recent podcast with Jordan Peterson, I think it is.
I listened to it yesterday, and Chiz linked it to me today,
being like, you got to watch this. This is really interesting.
It was super, super fucking interesting.
I don't listen to many Joe Rogan podcasts
because I just go by the guest. If it's like Jim Norton,
Bill Burr. He has a lot of misses to me.
He has a lot of people that I'm not interested in
at all, like UFC fighters, so I just skip it.
But I listened to a previous Jordan Peterson
one and it was really good. So when this guy's popped up,
I was like, oh, fuck yeah. That's who this guy has to say.
But he's got... What's it about?
What's his area of expertise?
He's a professor from Canada
who...
I'm trying to remember what the thing was
that got him into hot water.
Are we sure it was interesting?
It was really interesting because he bounced around
to so much shit.
The whole thing is him talking about how cultural Marxism and post-modernism and all these things aren't just an assault on language of trying to passively control people.
It's also indirect, really just kind of undermining all of Western civilization as a whole.
And he makes a lot of really, really interesting points about all of this shit so i'd recommend people listen to that i can't possibly
articulate half the stuff he said a tenth as well as he said it and it was hard like it was one of
those podcasts where i never do this i'm listening to podcasts but i'd like actually be listening for
like four minutes and then be like wait what wait i don't know what the fuck are you talking about
and then go back and i know it's interesting because there's some stuff that he'd say that like i'd be like oh that's so stupid that doesn't make any
sense and then he'd get a little more into his reasoning and it's like damn it like against
myself i'm even kind of seeing his point of view but yeah definitely check him but was it all about
how liberals are mind controlling no no no it wasn't no no his thing is more like he's frustrated
about language this is what it was he he's like. He is very aggravated by people trying to take control of linguistics and say, like, you can't call me this gender pronoun because I'm a male.
You have to call me Xer or Z or whatever.
And he started by getting, because you've heard about that, where they're like, I'm not a him or a she or a her.
Call me, you know, fee-fi-fo-thum or whatever the fuck.
Sometimes fuck with people who assume my gender.
Yeah, see, it's that kind of thing.
And he was like, he got in a lot of hot water initially
for being like, no, I'm not placating to you guys.
I'm not, you're not going to come into the English language
and dictate how these rules are.
Because it's not just a matter of the English here.
It's a matter of this, that, and the other thing.
And this is what you're undermining. And these the you know kind of tendrils of influence and this kind of same
movement to control speech and things like that it was really really interesting and it wasn't some
uh liberal bashing thing like liberals like joe rogan has a ton of fucking people and of course
even the liberals watching it are like yeah because most liberals aren't like that who are
like i demand you call me z or zur or call them zimmer dim like they're not like that they're like well let's you
know back off that but he's really just attacking that from the intellectual academic angle of like
these people are so you know they're trying to force things that they don't understand because
they have a bankrupt ideology pose this my impression on those people is that they are
not organized and they don't have a cohesive underlying goal. They're just kind of fuckheads who spent too much time on Tumblr.
If you're an adult, do what you want.
What I have a problem with is these professors and academics and people in media trying to dictate that language must change now.
And the reality of our language must change in order to basically adapt to things that aren't reality, that aren't verified.
My observation on this. And I'm explaining this so fucking badly.
I'm kind of barely on this team.
I think they're just
trying not to be mean i see someone who says i'm not really a guy and i say oh you're having a hard
time and i don't want to step on your neck i'll call you zibabwe or whatever the fuck you want i
don't know z is that a thing like whatever the fuck you want to be called because clearly you
have a a mental health issue right now in the same way that
someone who wishes they had one arm instead of two has a mental health issue and i feel the same
sympathy for you that i would for some for a person who wished they were an amputee and that's
why his see and then he'd be on the same side as you at least with most of that because personally
he's like yeah i i feel bad i think a lot of these people are struggling or whatever and i don't you know it's not i'm not mad at them individually like unless they're berating people
saying like i demand you call me you know uh zim like i am i am not a him i'm zim like did you see
the thing on reddit they were like i'm gonna say four or five white guys they look like
frat brothers or something,
but they were,
they had a poncho on and they were celebrating Cinco de Mayo.
And,
and they got like,
uh,
accosted by this person with the camera saying that they weren't allowed to
celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
Cultural appropriation.
Yeah.
Did you see this video at all?
It would be hard to find.
but I can visualize it very well.
I'm picturing five white guys,
probably khaki shorts, flip-flops,
they got a polo on underneath that poncho.
Maybe a sombrero in the group.
Maybe a sombrero in the group.
A lot of PBR in the mix.
They're on a sidewalk, lots of green grasses,
some frat houses in the background,
and then some assholes saying,
cultural appropriation.
And she was the one filming and she was just
saying you are not allowed to do this you're like all these problems and uh i just like oh my god i
was so on their side and i don't want to well then you just want to crack open and like do a mexican
hat dance right in front of me i just like i guess i'm on the side of openness and peace and blending.
Look, if you bring Cinco de Mayo into American culture and now we have a 4th of July, like another one, fine.
Knock yourself out.
To me, I don't really celebrate the 4th of July
to mean the birth of our country.
Maybe some people will get mad at that.
4th of July, to me, is a good time to spend time
with people I care about and not work.
We have a four hour
moment of silence where we just stare at the flag.
What 4th of July
means to me is
bad for you food.
I don't drink beer, but
I think to a lot of people that's part of it.
It's just some good times,
some relaxation,
and company that you enjoy.
What if a black person
is celebrating St. Patrick's Day?
Do we attack that person?
If we see a black girl
with some green shamrocks on her cheeks,
she's got one of those funky shillelagh hats
or whatever the hell,
and she's doing a little Irish jig out there
with a big
guinness in her hand like do we just do we just take her down from i don't even know what saint
patrick's notable accomplishments were i'm sorry taylor banished the snakes but kyle kyle you
couldn't do she wouldn't be racist because see on the hierarchy the black woman she's lower than you
and so you have to treat her differently almost like a child
i wouldn't hold her to the same standard because that would be racist what saint patrick's day is
to me it's nighttime fourth of july right it's nighttime fourth of july and you go out and you
spend time with people you like and you drink beer although i don't drink beer and it's revelry and fun like it i don't
know just throw a single to my we could use another one sounds great yeah but like it doesn't
matter what the holidays involve alcohol i mean all of most of them not so much easter right not
so much that's well i mean okay not so much that one but let's go to mayo let's get wasted it's
cinco de mayo saint patrick's day let's get bl. It's Cinco de Mayo, St. Patrick's Day.
Let's get blitzed.
It's St. Patrick's Day.
All of them, right?
Like Puerto Rican Day Parade in New York.
The most drunk I've ever been was on a Fourth of July.
It was terrible.
I remember I was drinking, and I went to this party.
It was by a – the house was on the beach.
How old were you?
20, maybe.
And I didn't drink much, right?
But that night I had like five beers or something, which to me was a good amount.
And I'm like, man, like I must be pretty good at drinking now because this is going very smoothly for me.
And I was like, maybe I should stop.
But my decision making wasn't at the top of its game
and i i stepped it up to whatever it was six seven which was way too far for me like way too far
and and now i'm the guy vomiting at a party uh thankfully i'm vomiting into the bay which you
know is like a 12 foot drop off the pier but it doesn't bother anyone, aside from the noise and the yuckiness of it.
There's no cleanup.
I'm just vomiting into the bay.
That noise carries over water.
I'm sure I've heard it three blocks down.
I was trying to be considerate.
Did you ever hear somebody vomit, like a really loud vomiter?
Oh, I hate loud vomit.
My wife is a loud vomiter, and it's one of her worst attributes.
But not only is she terribly sick, she's really suffering.
And she doesn't vomit a lot.
She's a grown woman.
Is Morkoth coming for her?
It's just like, you know what?
That level of noise in your vomiting is inconsiderate.
There are other people that live here.
What is wrong with you?
Is this attention- attention seeking vomiting?
Can't you do this without me?
The fuck?
But it's often, it's usually not a good time to be that inconsiderate.
So these are just thoughts in my head.
Keep it down in there.
But oh my God, so loud.
I'm not a loud vomiter.
You would hardly know.
I am at the minimum decibel level that you can achieve.
Yeah.
But oh my God, she's a loud vomiter. It's terrible. Is someone vomiting in there? You would hardly know I am at the minimum decibel level that you can achieve. Yeah
Someone bopping in there. Is there a ghost escaping like what Cartman shat out of his mouth?
Yeah, is there anything worse than having like been needing to vomit and having it in your head like one and done gonna hop in there get this out get the day be fine you know you pump
yourself and then you like get that first vomit out and you're like oh no oh this this is a whole
day spent now like i i like when you vomit and you're like have you ever if you've ever had the
stomach flu bad i'm sure at least once in your life you had the stomach flu bad i haven't since i was young but there's nothing worse than that retching
of there's nothing in your stomach and you still have that vomity urge and that's not the worst
part for me your abs start aching so bad throat starts to like bleed and burn because the acid the worst part of vomiting for me is uh like it's that i
can't i feel sick i'm nauseous i can vomit all i need to do is like tense my abs up and i'll start
throwing up but i don't know if i want to or not am i gonna feel better post-vomit i don't enjoy
vomiting if i ever get the urge i I'm like, let's hit it.
No, not me.
And also, and this happens to me for drinking too.
I'm like, am I faking it?
Am I really that sick?
If I have to like force a vomit,
I'm not talking about finger down the throat, just like, all right, here we go.
Yeah, yeah.
If I have to do that, did I even really have to vomit?
Could I have healed otherwise?
I have like a response. Like I even really have to vomit? Could I have healed otherwise? I have a response.
I know how to make myself throw up.
All I have to do is get into the vomiting position, and it'll just happen.
If I get down on my knees by the toilet and put my head close to the toilet bowl,
it's like, yeah, this alone is going to make me vomit,
because I'm already three-quarters of the way there,
and there's just a reaction.
I'm always happy to have it
out of me. It's almost always
better afterwards, even if it's just a brief
respite. There's some times where
you feel good, but
it's slowly coming back.
You're getting worse.
But like you said, it's the worst when there's
nothing left inside you and you're retching
and it's just like foam.
There's like foam in the toilet bowl at this point because you're just vomiting up bile.
Where you're just vomiting.
Yeah, just stomach acid and bile.
Where like you go to spit and you taste the acid that you're spitting out.
And you're like, well, anything that was in my stomach is long gone.
I've been so sick before.
There was this long rash of food poisoning where I wonder now if Kitty was secretly
just putting some monkey shit in each meal
I ate.
Just to make me dependent upon her.
Because it seemed like
for nine months, every
eighth meal I ate had some shit
in it. You know, I asked you what your weight loss secret
is. You never shared this part.
It's monkey shit.
It's a pinch in every meal. Huge amounts bookie shit. It's a pensionary meal.
Huge amounts of vomiting regularly.
That's why I have such awful, awful teeth.
Do you guys want to do the fitness run for me?
Where are we on that?
Yeah.
I'll go first.
So people probably don't see PKN.
I know it doesn't get the same views.
But it should.
And if you want to have the video for PKKN, go into patreon.com slash pka.
It's only $10 per month.
Link in the description. The moment it comes out,
not a second later, and there's the video
format, and sometimes we do stuff you want to see.
Mm-hmm. So,
I talked about it on PKA, so those
of you who are $10 patrons are already up
to speed on this, but I lost 6 pounds
so far. My top weight was
220. Might have been 222, but I'm not sure so far. My top weight was 220. It might've been 222,
but I'm not sure. So I'm saying 220 and I'm currently 214. I measured myself Tuesday and
Thursday. I was the same weight. So I'm kind of at a pause and, uh, been eating better. Today was
my cheat day. Um, it, it, I'm doing this keto. That's like the foundation of my diet and I'm
still learning about it. So I'm probably imperfect, but, uh, are you supposed to
get one? I don't know if it's a cheat day or cheat meal. I've been treating it as a cheat meal per
week and I took it today. I went to Thai food. I got water to go with it instead of sweet tea,
which was my old thing. And, uh, yes, I'm down six pounds. It's good. Um,
my exercise lately has been skateboarding. I this long board i bought which is awesome but i
hurt my knee because my form is bad and i'm letting that heal before i hit it again did you go on the
pka reddit and see the picture they posted where they're like oh i saw woody at school and it was
that uh oh old guy from the simpsons when he's dressed up as Bart and he's got his skateboard there.
What a bunch of assholes.
It was funny because he always joked about how old you are
and it was, it was a perfect image
from the Simpsons.
I guess, I don't know. Like the hello fellow kids thing.
Maybe I'm sensitive
about it. I just feel like I can't
fucking do anything
except drive a Buick Regal and complain
about people breaking like code
violations with their porch you know anything out of that is just not age appropriate for me
so I want to like paramotor skateboard surf like it doesn't matter suddenly like I'm in a midlife
crisis or something and to me I'm like smart move by setting that anchor with paramotoring
because now you can just fill in that gap
between like motorcycling and paramotoring and they're like did you hear he got a skateboard
did you hear he got a motorbike it's like well yeah he's already flying like i figured he'd
eventually you know tear it down yeah i i i just feel like i don't know my fans are are like
naming all these things i'm not supposed to be doing, and I just do whatever the fuck anyway.
So, yeah, skateboarding is a blast.
When I finish, I'm thirsty.
I'm tired.
I have exercise-induced asthma.
That's a blast.
And I'm just, yeah.
So I'm like, that was just absolutely a workout.
But instead of working, it was playing, and I like that so how are you doing with it guile i'm having a good time i've gained uh two two and a half maybe three pounds
it's hard to tell with water weight and stuff and there's so much water that i'm intaking and i'm
also taking creatine which puts on water weight too so like i'm i'm really just swelling i'm i'm
cultivating gas for sure and uh and there's a
and there's a lot of work working out in between i try to mix some cardio in because i'm you know
i i like doing cardio occasionally in small amounts uh at least enough so that if i go for
a little jog i don't get winded i want to have some cardio and just lifting weights i've still
got the kettlebells uh i i i'm not doing the kettlebells as regularly as I was. I'm definitely
not sticking to that kettlebell
workout plan, but I
work them into whatever I'm doing for
I don't know, maybe five
or six hours a week, something like that.
That's a lot. I've been having a good time.
Taylor? Yeah, I try to do something
every day. I'm doing good too,
sticking with it. How much have you lost?
Like seven pounds, eight pounds maybe, right around there.
I was okay being one behind you.
Two is too much.
Then it's been seven.
Then seven.
I feel like because every other time I've lost weight before,
I've done the Kyle approach, which is like, wow, I'm really overweight.
What should I do?
Well, I don't really feel like working out that much,
so I'm just going to eat nothing basically for like three months i'll eat like
1100 1200 calories a day and lose weight way too quick and lose a bunch of muscle in the process
which sucks because if you cut weight that fast but this time because i'm working out and trying
to like eat a healthier calorie amount it's going way slower but i'm still in the uh phase of of believing this is probably
healthier who knows yeah i think it is i don't know right maybe i'll get impatient if the weight
loss goes too slow and i'll just i'll just starve myself again because i fly a lot of my motivation
translates into like flying shit i'm like if i lose two more pounds that would take it to eight
i can carry a whole gallon of gas and be just like I was before, right?
You can add a gallon of gas to my weight load and, you know, it would just be like having a gallon less before.
Oh, an eight-pound bomb.
If I get into the – I forget what it is.
I think it's the mid-190s or something like that.
So that's 20 pounds from now.
If I lose 20 pounds, I can go down a whole parachute size.
This is my reserve chute.
And the one I have, my reserve chute, it's good.
It's known as a solid brand.
But it's not like the newest lightweight fabrics or anything.
So I'm like, if I went down a size and to a lightweight fabric, it would pack smaller.
It would be smaller, you know, both from the size of it and the fabric of it.
Like I could upgrade. That would be like for me a the size of it and the fabric of it. I could upgrade.
That would be, for me, a proper reward 20 pounds from now.
That is a 30 pounds from now gift to yourself, not a 20 pounds one.
You do not want to be on the cusp.
You don't get to 195 and then go, check all this shit out, throw it away,
give me my 195.0 parachute.
I'm going to bank my life that you when you see a chair has a rating of 425 pounds that doesn't mean that you should
slide it right up under a 425 pound man it means that hey that's all it can fucking hold bro be
careful so you're talking about doing this with a parachute you're like i i well i'm a few ounces
over but it's ounces right no it's a parachute a bigger parachute is better because it's the
emergency parachute right this isn't about like style and like cutting angles it's about slowing
you down as fast as possible before you hit the earth.
This is an emergency.
I want my emergency chute to be the size,
to be big enough to cover the Braves field
when I pull that fucking thing.
I want to barely be able to throw it.
I wonder if there's any negatives.
This is something I could research.
But would a bigger chute deploy more slowly?
Is a smaller chute better closer to the ground than a bigger?
I don't know.
I'd have to look into it.
I don't know.
And at what distance would it just be better to be covered in a lot of
sponges or something?
That is a thing, right?
Like if you're going from five feet, the reserve is worthless and the
sponges have value.
Adding more weight.
You're 50 feet in the air.
One just adds value.
You're 50 feet in the air.
Do you get a parachute or you're
in a big mascot
suit that you can fill with as much newspaper
as you want?
Which one do you get?
I think the mascot suit.
No, I want the parachute.
It's a parachute of my own choosing, first of all.
And we're going to do a little research.
I'm going to have a sheet that's...
I'm just going to throw that thing out like I'm casting a net
over my shoulder as I jump, I guess.
50 feet.
If it just slows you down a little.
Just a little. 50 feet's fucking deadly
if you hit that wrong. That's breaking legs and shit.
It is, but I don't think...
That Indian maid or whatever
was like,
didn't she fall from like 50 feet like four
stories or something right uh this it cites seven stories i found something here the trauma
resuscitation cites a medical textbook saying that about 50 of people die after falling four stories
which is about 40 to 50 feet and that 90 of people die after falling seven stories which is like 80
90 feet i guess i i just think that a parachute,
like, it has to extend its line
and it has to spread out before it starts working.
And I don't think that happens in 50 feet.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Like, 50 feet is not enough time.
Got to get in the mascot suit.
What if you got a running start
with the parachute sort of dragging it
and letting it get, you know,
three quarters of the way inflated and then at the last
second you gave it a jerk, maybe get a little more
air into it and then you jumped more
outward to try to make the line go taller.
I think that works, Kyle.
That's pretty much how I launch a paraglider.
No running starts.
Imagine it like Nightcrawler
the X-Man teleports
you up to 50 feet and then you
are now falling. In my head
I was already falling. I thought
I was jumping out of a...
I guess in my head I thought I was in a paramotor
at terminal velocity and then
at 50 feet I decided to do something about it.
That was how I was.
230 kilometers
per hour
according to Battle Royale.
At least if you chose
the mascot
option with all the newspaper, it'd be a funny
death.
That's right.
Imagine your family
having to run up to the fucking, you know,
giant mouse costume
like, oh my god, Kyle!
Kyle, are you okay? I have to pull the mascot off
and see that you're clearly dead.
I need to die in such a way that Philip DeFranco comes.
Tell me.
And they're like, what happened to Mickey?
I think there's a chance you survived that.
Burn this suit.
Burn this.
I think there's a chance you survived in the mascot suit,
but it's just a terrifying way to go down,
because you've got to fall on your back, right?
You don't want to land feet first.
Side? I don't know what's best.
I would like some super spring shoes
where I just bounce away.
Yeah, you'd want to be able to pick your team.
You'd want to be able to pick what team's mascot you pick.
Right.
So you wouldn't want to be the Utah Jazz or something
just in a saxophone with your arms sticking out,
whatever the fuck they have.
You'd want like something nice.
The Timberwolves, who is like a super athletic guy.
No, no, you want to be a Philly fanatic with a big old belly.
Yeah, what the biggest possible thing is.
Yeah.
Like what you want to be.
The Mets, right?
Don't they have that gigantic ball on your head?
That seems like a helmet.
That's true.
That's the one.
Definitely want to go with the meds
but what does he have his body think of how much newspaper you can pack i don't know why i'm stuck
on newspaper because it seems the worst that's a better idea peanuts or some bubble wrap cut off
start cutting some sections out that stuff would probably work well now hey that's the thing i
think if you got a casper mattress, you survive.
If you have that, and you
jump from 50 feet,
I think you're okay. Wait, what do you do with it?
Are you saying, like, you... I'm gonna take a
twin Casper mattress, because I'm
positive that I can't, like, pick up and
run with any larger size.
And I'm gonna jump off and magic
carpet that bitch. I'm just gonna, like,
hold on to the front corners of my hands
and loop my ankles through those little loops on the side
that you never knew what were for.
This is what they're for.
There were some Mythbusters on something similar.
The myth was that a guy was building a skyrise of some sort, right?
And he fell, but he held on to a four by eight sheet of plywood
and used that like Mary Poppins style to get to the ground unhurt.
I don't remember.
I remember them struggling to make it work.
I don't know if they ever figured out what was possible.
I remember the clip of them doing it, and it was like, ready, set, go.
And the guy just like got released, the dummy, and he just,
like straight to the ground.
It was like a
ground-seeking missile that
would.
What would happen to you, Kyle, immediately,
is you would jump out. At 50 feet,
you'd have that grip. You'd be
locked in. At 47
feet,
you will have flipped
and you will be falling backwards
with the mattress on top of you.
Oh, was Kyle on top of it Aladdin style?
Yeah.
I get it.
I see.
Yeah, there's this.
You're quickly going to go from Aladdin to Mary Poppins on that thing.
But, Kyle, if you lay down, and you, like, get all wide, like, on a king-size one, and then we lay another king-size one on top of you and we
sew those together
So I think if we just know we cut there'd be a small air hole a snorkel that goes through this
Snorkel maybe to just whatever
With that you put me in between two king-size Casper mattresses sew them together get me my snorkel set up as requested
And you toss me
right off the five-story building.
Let's do it. Try not to
put me down like I'm breaded with toast.
This would be a fun video idea, but we need to work
our way up. Can you jump off a shed
to start with?
It would not be like bread into a toaster. We'd have to
get two of us to spin you
almost. Counterweight on the
bottom. You want
ropes from each corner going down to a central point with a weight.
That way you...
How about like a pilot shoot?
Same sort of thing, but like an umbrella on the top.
Sure, that too.
Yeah.
And the weight needs to be a bag of water.
That way when you hit the ground, the water breaks and splashes.
Good thinking.
You don't have a ball bearing in your
spine. That's smart because my
cannonball thought was the whole reason
I went to the parachute. That would
have been a one strike in your out
instead. Ah, shit, we didn't even consider
that. We should have
used a bag of water.
We got this princess of the pea
scenario, but instead it's a cannonball.
Kyle's like, I felt it.
As long as we're having Casper mattresses, why not just tie a Casper mattress to the bottom of the two Casper mattresses?
There you go.
Let's do an ad and then a new topic.
Tell everyone about SmartMouth.
This episode of Painkiller Already is being brought to you by Smart Mouth.
Bad breath is an embarrassing problem faced by the majority of people on a daily basis.
It's caused by naturally occurring oral bacteria consuming protein particles
and releasing foul-smelling volatile sulfur compounds.
Masking the smell with gum or mint juice-style mouthwash can actually make your breath worse
since it can provide a new source of food for oral bacteria to produce even more of those sulfur gases.
To solve a real problem, you need real science.
That's why every bottle of Smart Mouth actually contains two different liquids, a green zinc
activator and a clear oxidizer.
The oxidizer instantly eliminates existing bad breath while the activator releases billions
of zinc ions that naturally bond to the bacteria in your mouth.
The bonded zinc ions prevent bacteria from eating protein and producing
sulfur gas, keeping bad breath from coming back for 12 hours. Go to smartmouth.com
and read about the science and how it's able to deliver such an incredible result.
Visit smartmouth.com by clicking the link in the description and use coupon code
PAINKILLER for free shipping. Once again, that's smartmouth.com, coupon code
PAINKILLER for free shipping, or pick it smartmouth.com coupon code painkiller for free
shipping or pick it up at walmart walgreens cvs target amazon or your favorite store
check it out it's awesome i use it every day twice a day i always have if you ever meet me
in real life you'll be like man that guy's breath is incredible that'll be the first thing because
otherwise i'm not very attractive but it's really helped me out. But tying into the diet thing
we've all been doing, I haven't asked Woody and Kyle about it yet, but I've been having to guzzle
down so many of those protein shakes to try and hit my protein macros or whatever you call it,
that I can tell my breath is worse when I do forget to use this. Because when you have a
high protein diet or low carb, you start to get that dragon mouth. They even – like keto and paleo breath.
All those people talk about it, and this really knocks that out.
I wouldn't know because I use smart mouth every day.
My breath would smell like dog shit and that normally.
There could be something severely wrong with me on the inside,
and I wouldn't know it because I use smart mouth every single day.
The truth is it's better than other mouthwash.
It's an ace in the hole.
There it is.
It is an ace in the hole.
You're putting all this effort in with us to get in better shape,
and then you're going to blow it when your breath smells like shit.
I wonder how many people are getting in shape.
I have this hope that now that we're, I don't know, three, four weeks into it, people are like, all right, I'm in.
They didn't have to get on board week one.
Door's still open.
Door doesn't close.
Anyway.
Yeah, exactly.
You guys, don't wait for us to start another fitness challenge.
Jump in on it now.
Maybe you're a couple weeks late.
Whatever.
Whatever.
Jump in.
You'll be happy you did two weeks from now.
Two weeks from now, if you don't start,
you'll look back at the you of today
and be like, God, that guy was a piece of shit.
He should have got started.
But if you do start it,
you'll look back at the you of now
and be like, well, you know,
he got something right, you know?
So there you go.
Smartmouth.com, everyone.
So check them out.
I wanted to talk about,
I know Kyle didn't want to talk about
this, and it's not hockey.
I should have led in with hockey and then
tamped it down to something else.
I linked that
do you see ten random objects
that were actually made from human skin?
That are made of human skin?
Yeah, I've seen this list before.
It's some terrible stuff.
This is really interesting to me. Yeah, I have no problem with it's some terrible stuff this is it's really interesting to me
yeah i have no problem with it though like the terrible thing is that many of those items were
like people that were like murdered and then you made the skin suit um but just something made of
human skin wouldn't bother me at all especially if it was nice like i see that book there i guess
the uh the cover of that book is human skin um like the necronomicon uh i'd like
to see what that felt like like is that like the softest calf leather ever does it feel like a
lady's ass like like how smooth what does this feel like is are there like like what does it
doesn't feel as nice as like cow leather because cow leather is thicker and over time it probably
feels better like every time you watch a documentary
of a serial killer's
skin lamp, it never looks like it's been
preserved well.
When you look at it, you don't go, oh my god, he went to
Cambodia and got an exotic lamp. It's like, no, a serial
killer made a lamp out of someone's skin that he tanned
in his garage.
It doesn't...
I like that one.
Those skin trousers, those
Norwegian skin trousers, someone went to effort.
Those are so good.
They managed to skin the cock and balls, too, and include those in the pants.
So I imagine that you would put your own cock and balls in the skin of the man who you're wearing.
It's like I've got some underwear that has an elephant trunk for your cock.
It's just like that when you put on these human skin trousers
You put your cock and balls in the skin that once housed the other man's cock and balls
Yeah, this is the description of these and Kyle is 100% right
It's just imagine your body cut off a little below the belly button and then just skin pants
And they're like footie pajamas because the toes are there too
then just skin pants. And they're like footie pajamas, because the toes are there too.
But, uh, then
17th century Icelandic necropants
or nabrok
are the trousers for you
Oh, that's written oddly.
In order to make the magic skin pants work, you have to
get permission from someone before they die to use
their skin as pants.
After they die, you
dig them up and peel all the skin off
of their bottom half without putting any holes or tears into your future money makers.
There are a few more steps to activating the magical pants, but compared to peeling skin from a human being, they're a piece of cake.
What surprised me by this description is it said after they die, you dig them up, which lets me know that the first step of getting permission to use someone's skin as pants has not been fulfilled.
Because you don't go, hey, can I use your skin as pants?
And the guy goes, fuck off, dude.
That's gross.
He goes, all right, I'm going to get them anyway, idiot.
I didn't even have to ask you.
Try and stop me.
Yeah, this was a courtesy.
This was to save me and Eric to go get a shovel and a wheelbarrow.
I'll get those goddamn leg skin pants from you, Bjorn.
You're getting all the ladies.
I can't wait to stuff my cock in your dead, flaccid skin sleeve
and go to town on some horny bitch.
Oh, man.
Skin pants double as a prophylactic.
That's good thinking.
It's troubling how realistic that looks.
It's real. Yeah, It's troubling how realistic that looks. It's real!
Yeah, there's a reason for that.
You know, when you
imagine stuff like that, you're like, it probably doesn't
actually look like it. It's probably in so much age
that there's holes and it's
fucked up. No, this...
It's a fine pair of pants.
Yeah, it's a nice pair of pants. I'd wear those out on the town.
You'd get a lot of looks.
Maybe some high tops.
Finish it off with like a...
Retro.
Well, I wear a 13.
He wore an 11.
So we're already in trouble.
So we're really going to have to cut those toes off.
That's so fucked.
Yeah, I would be okay with human skin products.
The same way I'd be okay with cannibalism.
People that act like eating another person would be like, oh, god like i always see them in the movies where they're starving and
it's clear that we have to eat the other person and it's just like this agonizing decision and
they never even go they often don't go to the effort to make it even taste good but like some
hot sauce packets or something they're just like yeah if you're on a plane you'd think there'd be
all sorts of seasoning and stuff nuts yeah like you. You get a couple of those air-picked peanuts.
Have a little stir-fry.
I don't know why
you don't go through a little trouble and make it nice.
Once I'm in the position where it's like
I've gotten into that mindset that
look, it's me, Woody, and Taylor.
The dehydration is
clearly taking Woody faster than Taylor
and I.
He's not going to make it.
Tough break.
We start looking at those calves hard, Woody.
We start looking at them real hard.
What is the first thing you eat on me?
I would honestly eat this piece right here.
See this muscle?
I've heard that.
It looks just like, imagine like a drumstick, like a chicken stick.
Grab the thumb and you got it.
Like it's just that nice chunk of muscle right there.
I would hope that when you ate me, you were hungry
enough that that wasn't enough.
Oh, it won't be. No.
If someone eats me, they're going to have a snack.
You're going to go bad quickly. I'm going to
gorge myself on Woody.
I'm going to eat the thumbs. I'm going to
eat the backs of your calves.
You know why in my mind we're not going bad that quickly?
Because the plane went down in Alaska. It's a movie,
right?
I chose Life Raft, and we're
in the ocean. I'm going to drink your blood.
This matters. Are we doing Life Raft, or
are we doing Island?
Life Raft stresses me out from the start. Let's not do that.
Life Raft is hard. We're drinking Woody's blood.
An island.
That explains the dehydration comment.
Is there a movie where the airplane went down
in Alaska? It was like a soccer team or something.
It's called Alive.
And I don't believe it was Alaska, but yeah,
it goes down like up in some snowy mountains.
And it's a true story. And a few of them hike out
and get help and it comes back to them. Spoiler alert.
But during their stay there on that
like mountain and they're playing, yeah,
they eat the dead bodies.
And people were judgmental. They felt like they didn't eat.
They felt like they didn't wait long enough. They're like,
oh man,
I totally skipped lunch.
It's time to eat some Taylor.
I would start eating right away.
You don't wait until you start getting weak.
Until maybe the cold takes you
one night. You want to be strong every
single day. I watch those old movies,
like my old, I mean when they're depicting swords and shields in the dark ages and they'll be like
eat for your strength my lord and i and you know nowadays when somebody tells you to eat for your
strength you're like yeah yeah i'm gonna eat you know just chill out i'll be fine you know i i'll
have a coke later if i need to but back then it was like no bro eat for your strength if you get
shaky out there it's it's game over like you have a hypoglycemic attack, your blood sugar gets low,
we leave you in the ditch like Larry.
Remember Larry?
He didn't eat breakfast either.
Yeah, old fucking hypoglycemic had to keep Skittles in his pocket.
Larry didn't pan out one of those days
after he left Skittles in his pocket in the wash, got all ruined.
Did you guys see Wings was working out?
Like, lead everywhere.
They were just a bunch of white BBs there.
Yes.
I don't know somehow.
We've talked about eating Wings before, and somehow it made me go to him he's working out now like it so apparently he's at an all-time high in weight right bummer and uh is
this new yeah yeah he's been making videos about it like it might be two days old you know has he
not done like a one of the way day things in a long time he saw no he hasn't he hasn't shown the scale so he's got a chair like hidden like halfway through his like workout walk
so he like walks and then he's like oh yeah i gotta duck in here and sit in my chair
and recuperate so that i can continue the walk but that's not terrible to me like like to look
i bet when taylor and kyle do workouts they do it
in sets you know yeah yeah there's a point where you sit down and rest uh i i would like i'm i'm
wondering like if he did the michael scott thing though remember when michael scott had the 5k
uh run to defeat um uh babies instead of making it a circle where you come back to where you
started he just made it 5k in one direction. And Toby's like, where are we?
Where are we?
I'm wondering if he could forego the chair if he just made a short circle back to where he started from.
That's all.
But then he'd have fewer steps.
He's counting his steps.
So I know he must be more than two weeks into it.
He held up a notebook, and it showed how many steps he had every day.
And that's how he's
measuring his progress.
On a really good day, he'll do
3,000-some steps, and on his worst
days, he does 1,000-some steps.
He has a pedometer then, clearly.
It's built into his phone or something.
Fitbit thing.
Yeah, I think he literally has a Fitbit.
You don't like that?
We tried to force him to do it
when he was here.
Who cares how many steps
we take per day? And I was like, really, that's the only thing
that matters.
I hope it works out.
I saw a quick clip
of him with his chair
and talking about that this was his break
chair. I don't know how it got to me in that
maybe it's my timestamp that didn't link how it got to me in that. Maybe it's my time
stamped and linked it to me to show me that particular
part, but that's all I know.
I hope he sticks with it. That's the hard
part, right? Starting is
the easy part, I think,
because you're usually motivated
to start. It's not like it just
pops into your head like a light bulb. Like, hey, I think I'll
get healthy. It's like, ah.
Something happens to you.
You're not able to lift a box.
Or after lifting 10 boxes, you're exhausted.
And you look around and maybe someone else isn't exhausted quite as badly.
Or something shows up.
Something happens that makes you deem this unacceptable.
Yeah, totally.
It might be a pass in the mirror.
If you make videos of yourself, you might be like,
God damn it, I can see the double chin.
The sun is shining right on it.
Something will get the ball rolling on you.
That's the easy part, I think.
It's sticking with it when you're not seeing any results at all.
Maybe you even gain a pound, but you're sore and you hurt
and you don't want
to do it anymore. That's the hard part. The things that motivated me, one, like Kyle said,
there'll be an unflattering angle or something. I uploaded a video of me. It's just a couple
weeks old. If I look up at a camera, I feel like I look pretty good, but I was in a truck,
so I had to look down at it as inside my own truck. No one looks good there.
truck so i had to look down at it as like inside my own truck yeah no one looks good there oh but i looked unacceptable you know in my own the beard helps i i was just not happy at all with that look
and i'm like oh i'm editing it i'm like is this even necessary for the storytelling can i just
clip this whole thing because i felt too fat and then the other thing back to paramotoring again
people will ask you how much you weigh all the time.
It's like a normal thing that you need to know.
When you talk about wing size, chute size, how strong a motor is,
it's all relevant how much you weigh.
Makes sense.
That's a really important thing in that activity.
Are there any fat women paramotors?
Not very fat, but yes.
Are there any very fat paramotor people who have special gear?
Like, that guy's got an 80 horsepower engine on that thing.
Look at that.
It's usually not just their weight.
It's like a dragster where three parachutes come out.
At a minimum, you need to be able to put, I'll say, 80 pounds on your back and run 100 yards.
That's a good estimate.
If you can run 100 yards with 80 pounds on your back, you're probably
fit enough to do the training. The tricycle then.
Let's start there then.
Let's stuff a fatty into
one of those trikes. How fat could you
be and still be in one of the tricycles?
Paramotorers.
I know the record. There is a guy
who was 460 pounds.
Oh, Winks is
on board! This is the show. So Winks would have to lose60 pounds. Oh, Winks is on board!
This is the show.
So Winks would have to lose 7 pounds.
And yeah,
the way a paramotor works,
if you give it full throttle, you get altitude, not speed.
And this guy just
never let go. It was
full throttle until he was
ready to land and even then like
he only got treetops high and uh and then he came in for his landing and he hit it well enough
and he only had one flight ever and he switched to an aircraft that could handle more weight
there's something called a powered parachute which has like
bigger motors and need a license for it and stuff but yeah cool that's uh that's outrageous
460 or whatever yeah 460 i saw i was i thought you're gonna be like yeah 325 pounds he was a
hoss like no that's a big dude 460 or whatever i could find the video if you wanted to see it but
that's okay it's funnier if i picture it in my head like a graphics card with all the cooling
fans like in sequence like
I imagine like a whole cluster
behind you come down like out of the sky and one of those it's like have you ever heard of that like missile program where
They're like we'll throw giant you know
Odin iron spears at the earth that are just titanium and they'll hit and explode like that's what a crash from a
460 pound man is going to do to your home if he's in the paramotor that's going to punch a hole right
in your roof that's a lot of kinetic energy and what if it's a kid oh there you wouldn't be able
to determine the kid from the man there'd just be a big pool of goo so first of all i was wrong he
was 447 pounds i think i just saw that On screen, people see what he looks like.
I can share it with you guys.
You don't have to watch it, but I'm at
33 seconds.
That is the
heaviest guy to use a paramotor so far.
He was on a trike.
That looks like a specially made
trike. Look at that thing.
They did actually. It's very similar
to one of his cells, but I think they widened it and they just made a little bigger for him and the the central
um like drive shaft is like is like bent up so that it's gonna flex i bet when he sits into it
it's like a coil spring um where are you, very, very girthy seat.
Yeah.
Kyle and I could sit in that together like a love seat.
Oh, man, look at him go.
This is hilarious.
He's like a – the paramotor community is very small,
and I don't want to throw stones at him personally.
You might run into this guy.
Yeah, yeah. Or I'm almost certain to run into him online.
I don't want to be a jerk about it,
but you asked about the heaviest guy, and I just happened to know.
Yeah, there he is.
The Red Bomber.
So, yeah, and I'm told he flew this once.
He went wide open the whole time,
and then he switched to equipment that could handle him a little better.
I mean, kudos to him.
That's pretty ballsy to do as a 450-pound guy.
Yeah, yeah. But usually it's pretty ballsy to do as a 450-pound guy. Yeah, yeah.
But usually it's fitness, not weight, that slows you down.
Is he going to take off ever?
I just think that they should start so there's a weight that your aircraft can be before it's something else, right?
I think we should start calculating in the pilot's weight with the
piece of equipment's weight, because clearly they did not
foresee a 450-pound man
getting up to altitude
and then perhaps crashing into something.
They're thinking about your ass
ricocheting off the side of a two-story.
He'd go right through.
Yeah, this guy could take down a bridge.
It does make sense to start considering pilot weight.
It does. He's the considering pilot weight. It does.
He's the Moab of paramotors.
That's a lot of ordinance.
Sorry, Paul, if you're out there watching this.
Okay, Paul, it's all me.
Woody has been nothing but courteous.
But yeah, he comes in for a landing,
and I'm just going to fast forward to the landing
because I think people might be curious about it.
I saw it.
Like, it doesn't...
It wasn't smooth.
Oh, and he...
That worked.
You wouldn't have expected a crater that big.
No, stop.
Have you ever seen that footage of no stop have you ever seen those that
footage of when have you ever seen the footage of when like those moon rovers come in and they
land and you see the incredible science that humans can make as far as how much tension and
shock that metal can handle like you see a minor version of that right here in this video where
it comes down so happy that's on what i'm at uh 4 30 i don't know where you are
but he's so happy he just it i i have the volume off but what he's saying is like man i had that
thing pinned from beginning to end you know i never let go i use 87 gallons of fuel
the you can only hold five.
But anyway, yeah.
So I don't know. I'm excited for him.
He's having a little moment for himself there.
He's very happy.
Yeah, I like that too.
I like that.
I totally don't mean to bury this podcast in Paramotor Talk,
but I have a thing for watching people lose their para-virginity.
Like the second they land, they're so like happy and it just like exudes
and then um aviator ppg they put up the pictures of the people who like the moment they land like
within 10 seconds or so they have their picture some guys are just like yeah there's another guy
that cheated they're not cheated it kissed his wife my next thought was going to be they just
cheated death like all the reactions that come with
I can't believe I just flew around the air in a chair.
And I'm alive.
Yeah, yeah. There's a pilot in me.
That's what you're getting. You would get the same
pictures if you just instead
took them into a back alley and put a gun
in their mouth and said count to three
and went click, click, click and then pushed them back
out there with their loved ones. They'd be like, yes!
What a rush!
There's a guy, his name
is Gabe. I fly with him
sometimes. He's local to me.
And he's like,
he lands with
such a charge, right? Such like,
oh my god, he's happy. My wife
has told me, like, I'm a different person. And he's like, I think
that's part of it.
I think you just cheated death.
And now you're happy that you just flew around without dying.
And that's part of the joy.
It's a skydiver where they're like, their adrenaline is so fucking hot.
That's how you get addicted to that stuff.
It's like, you just, you can't get that adrenaline any other way.
You want it, you need it.
So people do that stuff like Richard Ryan, where you just jump out of planes thrice a day.
That's the way you live your life.
Falling.
Falling.
Yeah, I don't know.
So I've never met a wealthy paramotor instructor, but I think I would love that job.
Part of me wants to just volunteer like
yo bro you need an assistant i don't want any of the responsibility of like making sure that they
they don't have any holes in their knowledge but i'd be more than happy to just like tag along
get some exercise and hang out with people losing their pair of virginity because that
when you said pair of virginity i picture a tandem rig where you're literally fucking a chick as you fly.
I'd like to watch that too.
Now that's going to be Woody's kink.
Pair of virginity, I picture like...
We finally put that rig in the bedroom.
Yeah.
But the only way you can get off is if you have like a loud tape of the...
And a fan blowing at you in your face real hard.
I hope this is working for you, honey!
There are high schools where the football captain will take the paraplegic handicapped girl to prom and everybody cheers.
The end of the night is when that girl loses her para virginity.
And that's what I thought about.
He's got to move those legs around
and
do his business.
Because she's crippled.
Because she is handicapped. Para.
Okay.
I thought we were talking about a crippled person.
I thought you meant that.
You're saying there's something
wrong with her head.
No, they're definitely crippled
Oh, okay, just so you're clear
Alright, alright, now we're clear
No, oh my god, did you think I was saying they're retarded?
No
You can't fuck them
But if they get it in their head that they want to fuck you
You have uphill battle
Well, they don't have much of a choice
It's a hard no
You know, and sometimes that doesn't go well.
What if they say yes? I feel like you're really being
condescending if you don't allow them to make their own decisions.
That's true.
You gotta, well...
Maybe.
That's a certain kind of prejudism
right there right
shouldn't they be allowed to fuck who they
want to fuck
prejudice against me won't
won't prejudice against me
go ahead
I was going to talk about that TV show I've been watching on Netflix it's called The Last
Kingdom
I don't like to where is it set Go ahead. I was going to talk about that TV show I've been watching on Netflix. It's called The Last Kingdom.
I don't like to... Is it Viking? Where is it set?
All right, so it's set in, like, the earliest days of England.
It's post the Roman occupation there.
So, like, Hadrian's Wall is there.
It's a part of the show.
But you've got, like, the early, early Saxon kings, like, coming to rise.
And you've got the Danes, the Vikings, like coming to rise and you've got the danes
the vikings are coming and like invading the island and there's constant war it's a lot like
game of thrones not in the fact that there isn't like all these characters that we're constantly
popping in on and seeing what they're up to there's basically like one main guy that we follow
my knowledge of history is woefully inaccurate inadequate to follow this show i'm like there's a the wall hadrian's wall like i didn't i there's one wall to me and it's in china
and it's an upcoming in mexico you know it's like 1800 or something like that and uh so it's swords
and shields and uh vikings and englishmen although they're not quite Englishmen yet because there isn't quite an England yet.
And it's very good, I think.
It's not great.
It's just not.
It's certainly not on Game of Thrones level
with their special effects and their budget and all,
but it tries its best to be.
And the sword fights in particular are fairly good,
but the main character is pretty interesting.
He's a guy who was born an Englishman and then kidnapped by the Vikings.
So he was raised a Viking, and now he's in both camps.
And that allows him to be really crafty and powerful and kind of play one side against the other.
He's always rising up.
Everybody's jealous of him.
All the bitches want to fuck him.
The guy's like, even his scars are pretty.
Everybody's jealous of him. All the bitches want to fuck him. The guy's like, even his scars are pretty. Everybody's jealous of this guy.
All of the women are trying to fuck him,
and all the men are trying to kill him,
and only half of them are successful.
I picture him played by Jax from Sons of Anarchy.
Who plays him?
No, the half that want to fuck him succeed.
The men who want to kill him never do.
Ah, damn.
I mean, we'll not even watch.
No, but did you say it was super high quality?
Like the production value and everything?
Because I'm looking at their Wikipedia right now,
and it says the budget is five million pounds per episode.
Yeah, it's not Game of Thrones level,
because Game of Thrones level is probably like 15 million or something like that.
Five billion is huge.
Yeah, it's a well-produced show.
It's just not Game of Thrones,
and it's kind of set because of the swords and shields,
and they'll have, like, big battles
with shield walls and horses and stuff.
So it's...
Didn't the BBC do Henry VIII?
Yeah, exactly.
They're kind of in the same circle as Game of Thrones,
and it's like, shit,
I've seen the top tier of all time at this,
so I can tell that this is somewhat lesser,
but it's still a good show for sure.
Henry VIII, I think, was a show that BBC did,
and it's the same kind of like fantasy,
not fantasy, but historical show.
It's called The Last Kingdom.
The Last Kingdom.
Yeah, there's two seasons.
I'm going to check this out.
Oh, and shit happens. I want to lay it out for my alley because i was thinking about how to pitch this to you and
things happen if you've got like a big bad guy who like kills our family and rapes our sister
don't worry we're gonna get him and within seven or eight episodes and he's gonna pay the iron
price if there's like we like you know there's one episode in which an entire year past is because
like a like a main character gets kidnapped sold into slavery and for an entire year he's just
rowing a slave boat just just like being broken down emotionally and mentally and then like a
whole year passes with just that happening like like shit that's good because if that was game
of thr, like...
That'd be a whole season. That'd be Theon spending a whole
season getting tortured. Like, several seasons.
Two Game of Thrones.
When Tyrion got on that
stone man cruise
in the books, you remember having to sit
and read that, where it was like, oh,
and then he's still on the fucking boat, and there's still
stone men, and it's still shitty on this...
They didn't put that in the show thank god
so they were okay
with some of it. I will say Theon changing into
Reek and then stop being
Reek I guess that's true now
it took like four years or something
that was just a real
and I don't even think it took four years in real life
it was almost like
they got him to Reek
and then it was like alright well well we got to get all these
other characters to where reek is right now in their development so that then we can all move
forward you know because they kind of just let reek stagnate there which makes sense because
reek would just sit there and stagnate with his you know no dick and figureless hands that's the
thing about game of thrones, like the no dick and
losing
his good hand as the best sword.
Who am I looking for? Jaime Lannister?
Some of these things are
irreversible and
a big deal. To take Theon's
dick is as bad as taking Jaime's hand.
It's worse.
I don't know. Jaime's hand
is his whole sense of self-worth.
Jamie can still jerk off.
He uses the other hand.
And you know why he also can still jerk off?
It's because he has a dick.
Two strong points.
Two strong points.
But, I mean, just, dude, his whole sense of self-worth, his job.
He's fucking lazy, bro.
Let me tell you.
A main character in The Last Kingdom gets his hand cut off.
Two episodes later later he shows
up with a sword hand he's like i kind of like it now now in private he's like it hurts all the time
constant pain to his brother but to everybody else he's like i prefer it kind of hard wiping
me ass though he's got like a he's got like a leather scabbard that goes over his sword hand
that's like what this is your cell with the guy because the walking dead guy who got his hand cut
or had to cut his own hand off when he got uh michael rooker right he's old guy right
was it oh he's leg rooker yeah that's it that's the actor's name right
no no no the guy who gets his hand cut off.
Oh, oh, oh. Daryl's brother.
Oh, Mel Murrell or something.
Yeah, whatever the fuck his name is.
When he cuts his own hand off
and then two episodes later
he's got the
fucking thing on there and he's got the knife
and everything and he's actually using it well
to kill things. That was one of my favorite parts of the show
because it was what someone would probably for real do in that situation it's just
make a fucking knife hand and see how you go from there like yeah i don't know i don't like that
like jamie having that golden hand pisses me off so much it's like all these possibilities and you
just put a gold hand they're not even like a really really really hard metal just something
really valuable that's like hey come mug me come me. Come steal my shit. I only have one hand.
You know why, right? The hand's all about Cersei.
He doesn't care about the hand. The hand's about
making Cersei not think he's disgusting so he can fuck his
sister some more. That's all he cares about.
That's all that's about. You know, I never
had a sister. I wanted it to be a weapon.
Why is it
teenage boys don't want to fuck their sisters?
That's true, right? Most of them don't.
It's biology. Yeah. You just don't want to. Generally speaking, same that's true right most of them don't it's biology yeah you just don't want to not generally speak same reason you're afraid of
spiders i'm not for snakes yeah well the same reason you don't want to fuck a spider thank
god i don't have a sister because i really feel like if there was a hot girl my age roughly
in my house i mean not saying i'd do it just saying the thought would cross my mind it would just
just think that would step sister would have stood no chance oh she'd be seduced she could
she'd have been kissed under the boardwalk for sure she'd have been like
get back to me when you hit puberty you hairless jackass
uh yeah i just i just don't understand why guys don't want to fuck their
sisters they seem like hot girls
I mean Kyle has a sister
neither of us have sisters Kyle does
I guarantee he didn't or maybe he did
in private he says yes
no of course not like it's just another
biology thing where it's like oh
intrinsically i don't
want to have sex with this person we have two similar genes we'll make it won't work you know
these things are barriers to the teenage man's mind yeah uh not not not because of those reasons
well it is because of those reasons but we're not coming to that we're not saying oh but our
babies would be retarded we're you know there's something like chemically happening inside of us that makes that seem
repugnant because it would be a bad thing for us and we've evolved to to feel like it's a bad thing
because the ones who didn't feel that way fuck their sisters and they made all these fucked up
three-armed babies who couldn't pick wheat or fight off wolves or whatever they were doing
back then when they had the three-armed babies and we hadn't yet evolved the idea that fucking our sisters was a gross
thing. Like, I bet the British royal
family, I bet
they aren't nearly as grossed out by the
prospect of five years. Of course
not!
How terrorist are we going to keep this place pure
and white?
Pure for 5,000 years
now.
It's not going to get any better.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
Yeah, they're all interrelated so much so that like...
Is that still true?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, it doesn't stop being true.
Like all the royal families, like you'll often find that...
It's real diluted.
Sure, they wouldn't matter, but they're related because there was so much of it going on.
And it seemed like, like, I feel like if you look at, like, the ancestors of the king of Bulgaria or whatever, like, he's definitely related to the royalty from France and the royalty from England.
There was a lot of, like, swapping daughters back and forth to, like, sew up kingdoms and make peace.
And, like, everybody's kind of related in those royal families.
But the diversity doubles
every generation, so
even if it's just like your grandparents
are the same, then you only share an eighth, right?
Yeah, but it's cumulative,
right?
Is it? Because I feel like you can re-delude it.
I feel like
when you have two individuals
who are the product of a little incest, and they are a little related, and they have sex and make a baby, that baby is more genetically compromised than he would have been had his parents not also been the products of incest.
But to come to current times, right, all you need to do is get like two generations deep, and someone who's pure incest suddenly becomes 25% incest.
Well, of course.
Why would we do that?
I guess doing that now, like Kate Middleton probably wasn't closely related to them.
Or maybe she was.
I don't know.
Those people have been fucking their cousins for fucking thousands of years.
Kate Middleton is a genetic specimen, so probably not incest.
Possibly.
Very attractive. Yes, yes, he is.
I was trying to just look up what the biggest problems are
and where there is in the world that's not royal,
where there's problems with incest,
like actual cause and real stuff.
Can I guess what you find?
Did you find that it's within Muslim communities?
I haven't found anything yet.
I see...
I know that that's true
in the Middle East, but I'm
trying to find other shit.
It says,
America
has an incest problem. No, it doesn't.
Where are you hanging out, Mr.
Atlantic Rider? Maybe you have
a problem. Clearly Georgia or Alabama.
West Virginia.
Oh, man.
But yeah, that's a serious thing.
That incest, it's cumulative.
It just keeps going for a long time.
I have a segue topic.
So, sleeping with people you're not supposed to sleep with.
This guy slept with his wife
on the surface that sounds okay but six days after she died and he oh no yeah and slept next
to his dead wife uh yeah i should have mentioned that oh okay this is so um here's a picture of the guy and i presume that's his wife and his son
i think that's what it says in the caption and um he's like a real sort of naturalist kind of nature
granola type dude she is in the picture it's funny though
and uh she died of cancer so it was like a slow thing that they saw coming.
It wasn't like there was a horrific car accident,
and they just shoveled her into a bag and slept with her.
So, and after she died, I forget if they prepared the body in any way.
Yeah, yeah, they would, for sure.
That's six days have passed.
No, he put her in
a lovely flower summer dress,
lifted her into bed in
an organic cotton-lined
wicker cocoon,
because he didn't like the word coffin,
and then he just slept with her.
The first night, he sobbed next to her for
what seemed like ten hours.
He got his Kindle out, he read, and he
went to sleep.
And the next morning, there was nothing that upset him about being in a room with a dead body.
It was the opposite.
She was still there, and it was really comforting.
Then he goes on to talk about how he slept with her for six more days.
There was no leakage, although he did put it to pens on her just in case,
but there was no leakage.
He read that the fingernails grow after they die,
but really that's just the skin shrinking,
and he saw some of that.
Her fingernails were a little bit longer.
But basically, she just shriveled a little bit.
She never smelled.
She never leaked.
And he recommends the experience to everybody.
That's all I ask from a woman.
Don't stink.
Don't leak.
Don't leak.
And a little shriveling is okay, but nothing excessive.
You can handle that.
We got a night on the town.
Let's make this happen.
Oh, my God.
That's real fucked up.
I get why he did it.
It's not like he's depraved and he's fucking the dead bodies,
though I suspect that at least one in three mortuary employees fuck the dead bodies.
There's no other reason to do that.
It doesn't pay that well well you could teach and make more
money it's fucking ridiculous
those people are creepy and they fuck our dead
but it's okay because they're trash they're just bodies at that
point I wouldn't want to stay in the same
room with anyone I cared about
I'm a little iffy about funerals they say oh yeah
it gives you a chance to say goodbye but
you're saying goodbye to a
vessel for all
intents and purposes
you know it's just a bunch of
flesh and it's not even alive
anymore it's decomposing and we're
just taking shit on it
but there's something about closure and seeing
the vessel too right
I've never felt
in all the funerals
it's always been like nah I saw grandma
last week she was like dying in pain and
we said goodbye and everything and like now this is like just a body in a box one of the steps of
of grieving is denial right and then like you negotiate is it negotiating is that what they
call the other one so i feel bargaining thank you so you know maybe the funeral helps you get
through some of those stages or forces them upon you where like yeah you know maybe the funeral helps you get through some of those stages or
forces them upon you where like yeah you know definitely dead did the funeral this this story
makes me sad more than anything it is a sad story yeah this is someone who like loved his wife so
much and you know that like it wasn't some or you would hope that it wasn't some like any creepy
shit going on for those six days like mostly i bet it was a dude laying there crying that the love of his life was gone he's like everything nothing's gonna be the
same ever like i've got my son but this person like they were my other half like i don't know
that's really really sad that's the thing about death and it's so obvious i don't hear what i'm
about to say but it's so permanent and irreversible and like or is it when i was uh when i was young my grandmother you don't want to open that box
morty that was the first it was like man like this stays this way forever there's there's nothing you
can do to fix it to make it better fix it i think we'll eventually fix it no event like no matter
what we do or maybe there's a way to like preserve your brain forever or something but even then like
your brain breaks down like they're gonna have to preserve your brain forever or something. But even then, your brain breaks down.
They're going to have to replace your brain eventually.
We can fix the breaking down part, right?
Your cells are always reproducing and the copies are less and less good every time they do it.
Reverse aging in mice.
Yeah, so if we reverse aging, they'd have to make crazy breakthroughs in a lot of different science to do it.
But I'm saying I think there will come a day where we're just immortal and there
will be a problem because only the rich will be immortal because we're not going to make like some
dummy immoral like there's plenty of people we run into every day and we're like i'm glad you're
not gonna be around forever i mean it's great acting like that you'll last three four more
years tops you cunt um but but you wouldn't want people just becoming immortal left and right. But if you could
get your consciousness out and put it in
something else, that's immortality. Or
if you could just facsimile another body
and then put your consciousness in that. We were talking about
the head transplant the other day. Now, I bet
that guy, even if it does work and he's not
lost in some mental limbo
that's anguish and torture for whatever
amount of time he's left alive, even
if it works, he's gonna look look fucked up. He's going to look like Frankenstein himself. But fast forward that
100, 200 years, maybe we clone another Woody, put him in a tank, and he's like 22-year-old,
eight-pack Woody. That's a good Woody. And when Woody gets to 55, him and his wife are like,
are you ready? And like, yeah. And you both go under like it's surgery.
You both wake up
22 years old
and you go about your day.
It cost $800,000
each, but god damn, if it
wasn't worth it, let's
live another life now.
If you can't afford it.
It's easy to get rich.
So here's my thing, right?
Getting rich, incredibly easy if you're immortal, right?
You can just put money in the S&P 500, ignore it, even small amounts for like 100, 200 years.
Skyrockets, right?
That whole idea of like it doubles every 10, 12 years.
You don't have to start with much before that becomes real cash.
That's how Bill Gates in 30 years will turn $87 billion into a trillion, right?
It seems like he's far away, but if it doubles every 10 years, it gets there quick.
So, yeah, if you could live longer, it'd be easy to get wealthy.
In all the intelligent vampire movies, the vampires are crazy wealthy because He's like, yeah, I've been investing
since before the Confederacy.
I had Confederate dollars.
There's all kinds of...
You saw that in True Blood, but also in
Interview with a Vampire, Brad Pitt's
character was super rich
by the end of it. I always liked
that idea that immortality would
instantly equal wealth.
It would just become a waiting game of maybe we can get in a startup that idea that immortality would instantly equal wealth. Yeah, it's not.
It would just become a waiting game of like,
oh, maybe we can get in a startup so by the time I'm 50 I'll be rich.
No, I'm just going to leave it there in the low
and just let it build.
If it doesn't happen by the time I'm 70,
fuck it, I'm only 70.
What's the rate on a 250
year certificate of deposit?
Get that 250 year cd
are you sure sir
we all
oh yeah
give me the quarter millennia cd
this is worth a boatload
yeah
the hard part about getting rich is doing it
while you still like it
while you still need it
that hypothetical thing where like you could just you still need it but like that that
hypothetical thing where like you could just get even if it's taking your physical it's i i feel
like but if we ever get to there then the idea of taking our physical brain like that great goo in
between our ears and putting it somewhere else will be like silly it's like oh well we don't
need your actual brain sir we just we just take a reading of your brain waves and then
and blah blah blah yeah and then code a different one the same way yeah and there you go yeah you'll
wake up and you'll remember all of this including this conversation see you in five seconds and
you're like what what and then you'll wake up and you're 22 and you're ripped like that would be the
best be the best i would get my frontings back. You'd pay anything for that.
Whatever that cost, you'd start working on that.
That's the problem with capitalism
in medicine.
You need it so bad,
you just pay for everything.
That's the hard part about capitalism with medicine.
How would we ever fund our immortality drugs
and techniques
if we had a socialist system?
I hear both sides.
We'd make everybody live for five extra years instead of making the rich live for 500 extra
years.
I need to be alive 200 years from now to let people know that the rich shouldn't be able
to live longer.
I'm doing it as a service, if anything.
It's like, Bernie, you're
in the body of a Greek Adonis.
You couldn't get a new voice box?
It's so you know I'm the same person.
I still left the shit
in the corners of my mouth
so that you know.
He's 22 years old. He's fucking ripped.
He looks like Logan or something.
And his hair is all
fucked up but brown kyle i found this and i knew you would love it oh ukraine banned steven seagal
as a threat to national security hilarious look at that picture of him shaking uh vladimir putin's hand what is he wearing look at
that shirt yeah that's one of those japanese fucking shirts he wears with the buttons all
the way up to the neck like he's keanu reeves from the fucking third matrix he must recognize
that that shirt hides some of his fat right you put him in a t-shirt and he looks like a sausage
that dude's got got a restraint underneath that thing he's got some like he's got a sausage. That dude's got a restraint underneath that thing. He's got a girdle.
He's got some shit, some medieval
shit where little Japanese women are like
eee, eee, turning
fucking sticks to tighten it up in the back.
Steven Seagal lacks that
inner voice calling himself a piece
of shit. You know when we pass the mirror
and we're like, how did you let
this happen to you? He's just like
fucking awesome.
And then he rolls on.
The Dalai Lama made him a deity.
The man thinks he's a god.
He took that very seriously, I'm told.
He did.
That's hilarious.
I bet.
He came out and he was like, so the Dalai Lama and his great knowledge decided to...
Infinite wisdom.
And his infinite wisdom decided to imbue me with the...
Well, he may be a deity.
And since he did, I just feel more powerful.
I feel more focused.
He's like, God!
This guy is such a joke.
Is the Dalai Lama a deity?
Can you just bequeath that to people?
I think the Dalai Lama,
I think there are people who believe he's a deity, right?
I have no idea. I don't know much about the Dalai Lama.
I don't know either. So right now i'm showing the picture
down on the dalai lama i'm gonna go thumbs up i think he's no he does a lot of good for the world
i think i think his influence is positive i right now i have the the main screen overlay showing
steven seagal because you like hey look at him And it still says episode 269 but what episode
Are we on is it 334
Do you remember what I said
I love that we're like a hundred episodes
Past when we made this
And it's so out of date
It ruffles people's feathers
And I think it's funny
That's like two years
It's just so long
I'm trying to figure out oh so there's a wait what episode the 13th
dali lama tenzin gyatso he's been the dali lama since 1950 how is that possible episode 369 i'll
update the background and fix the audio nice I'm linking this to you guys.
God, Taylor.
I'm not surprised that he's been around.
But he was 15 when he became the Dalai Lama.
How does that work?
He was born in 1935 and he became the Dalai Lama.
Right?
82?
He's like 81, yeah.
No, I was saying this shocking thing is
he was 15 years old in 1950,
meaning that why would they put a 15-year-old in charge?
Do you think that they waited until Jesus turned like 21 before they said he was God?
No, he was God from day one.
That's why the wise men showed up.
And you're surprised that the Dalai Lama became one at 15?
Ah, it took him long enough as far as I'm concerned.
Honestly, if you put him on the Jesus path, he's a bit of a slacker yep and i can't name a single miracle this this lazy piece of shit has
done jesus peaked early peaked early you say yeah he died at 35 oh yeah oh tell us about joe i maybe
you're not prepared taylor but i was thinking about this earlier in the week that I would love to hear about Jonah and the whale.
Oh, Jonah and the whale.
I'll have to do a refresher on that before I do because I haven't read about Jonah and the whale in a while.
And the funniest part about the Bible stories is reading through them again beforehand and being like,
they did not mention this part in Sunday school.
They glossed over this.
I remember this from Pinocchio.
Jonah and the Whale. I promise
I will do Jonah and the Whale next week. That's a good suggestion.
That is a good one. And anybody else
who has good Bible stories, leave a suggestion of them
and the more obscure the better
because there's some interesting obscure
shit in there. Yeah, I like it when
God is really
shitty to people for
some really dumb seemingly
Old Testament God. Yeah when he's like
he's just like
petty. I like more
petty God stories where like some
guy is like he didn't like say
a prayer before he ate the fish that God
gave him and so God
knocked all of his teeth out and then
like he pissed his teeth
for all time,
or whatever awful thing God would do to people
for no apparent reason at all.
With Elijah, I'd have to remember the full story,
but, like, he ordered Elijah at one point
to, like, as a demonstration to his people
that they'd been, like, super shitty for so many years.
He's like, all right, Elijah,
you go up to that mountaintop alone.
Lay on your side for 40 days. lay on your side for 40 days and you have to only
eat bread that you cook over your own burning shit that's what God told Elijah I'm on the Elijah diet. My side is raw and infected.
And it's bread.
It's bread.
I'm telling you right now, you want to lose weight, you eat a loaf of this bread.
This shit bread.
It looks like rye, but it is not.
I'll tell you when it gets bad.
It's not the first loaf.
It's when you start cooking shit bread with shit that's composed of shit bread.
That's when things get rough and god even backed off of it because like he told him i'll have to like look at this story
to get all the details more but he was laying on his side and he's like elijah you can only eat
like bread that you cook over your own shit and god's like turned to the angels like
i mean and elijah's like are you kidding like god, I don't want to be out of line here,
but this is pretty ridiculous. And God actually goes like, you know what?
You're right.
You can use cow shit.
And that was it.
He lets Elijah burn it over cow patties because,
and Elijah, the way that Elijah,
like the way I remember Elijah explaining it is that
you can't just go back to God and be like,
this is disgusting human shit.
Because God will be like, you defy my will.
But Elijah had to go the thing of like,
Lord, I'm a beacon of you and your things
and your essence inside me.
You wouldn't want me eating human shit.
That's dirty. That's for pagans.
And God's like, well,
there's probably one of the rules I made up earlier
that's a pretty good line with that
I did put you in charge of knowing that
so alright cow shit it is
but oh man being a prophet
didn't seem like a fun job
you got to like talk shit on people though
and no matter what you did
God was going to let you into heaven
I think the best job is if you're one of God's like war kings
like if you're one of the guys who needs to go kill people
for God like he seems to have a lot of leeway for you like you can fuck bitches and
like forget about your the law of God but you can just be like god I get look
at all the cities I got you and he's like well you did get me all those
cities I mean fuck all right all right you make a point and but Elijah never
died did you know that what he he carried away in a chariot?
Is he still alive?
No, no, no.
He was one of two people in the Bible who never died.
Elijah was taken up to heaven before his death in a chariot of fire,
which probably killed them en route.
Or it might have been a UFO, too, some believe.
They believe a UFO came and took Elijah in his chariot of fire.
That's even sillier than God.
I heard a joke. Do you know why God made
Abraham kill his son Isaac
at 12?
Why he instructed him to?
No, what'd you hear? Because
it was supposed to be a sacrifice, and if he waited
until he was a teenager, it wouldn't have been.
Oh!
Okay. I just looked for an actual biblical thing there for a second i've been hoodwinked
that was pretty bad damn it i didn't see it coming
bad jokes are better than good ones and now a word from movement watches
all right all right the past few months we've been working a lot with movement watches we love good ones. And now, a word from Movement Watches. Alright, alright.
The past few months, we've been working a lot
with Movement Watches. We love them. You guys love
them, so I asked myself, why do I only
have one? You see, Movement offers different
color bands, different faces, and different styles
for each of their many watches. Movement Watches
start at just $95.
So do some quick math. You could have a couple of
Movement Watches, and it would still be a better
deal than just having one of those department store watches.
Get a blue one, a white one, maybe sandstone is your thing.
Whatever your style, movement has watches and bands for every outfit in your arsenal.
There's no hassle.
Just order online with free shipping, free returns, and a 24-month warranty.
So join their more than 1 million social media followers and get a movement watch today.
Go to MVMTwatches.com slash pka today and they'll
give you 15 off your entire purchase that's mvmtwatches.com slash pka 15 off it'll upgrade
your look do it yeah yeah kyle here's a um so we have a patreon. Is it included at $10 where you get to ask questions in the show?
Not sure.
I think it might be.
But anyway, there's a Patreon link.
You can check out the different benefits and tiers
and stuff in the description and it'll take you to the page.
How often do you go out
and shoot your guns, Kyle?
Probably if nobody's
around, like if it's just me doing it by myself i go probably two or
three times a month and and really shoot my guns i try uh i practice the things that i actually want
to be that i need practice at like i i could go out and with like three days of practice i could
get very very sharp with a shotgun i don't really need to practice that regularly but um like my
concealed carry pistol shooting i feel like i'm not great at that. And that's probably the only thing that will ever
matter ever. So I try to go shoot my nine millimeter a good bit or my car 40 or I shoot
my concealed carry pistols. I try to take take two or three of them. And and I shoot from a draw.
I shoot targets at seven, seven then I plink around some too
Hypothetical, you're going to go
to dinner
it's casual right, you're wearing what you're wearing
which concealed
would you pick?
Out of the ones that I own
I've got a 40 caliber car
that's very compact
it's a semi-automatic pistol
I think the capacity is like 7 or 8 rounds I've got a.40 caliber car that's very compact. It's a semi-automatic pistol.
I think the capacity is like seven or eight rounds, but it's a.40 caliber, and I kind of like that.
And I also like the form factor.
It feels really good in my hand.
Or my LCP or an LCR.
Just a small pistol.
I'm really not picky.
I'm pretty good with all of them.
I'm not great with the LCP.
I don't like carrying that, but I keep it, like, in in the mix just like an underwear gun or something for when I get kidnapped and I need to
dig in my shoe for my shoe gun
or whatever bullshit scenario I came up
with to justify that purchase
but I think
a small Glock is the way to go
I always space on, there's a.380
Glock, maybe it's a Glock.42
but I always space out on
the designations of the Glock
because it's just a damn number instead of a name that I can...
I think it's a Glock 42, though.
The.380 Glock, the little one, man, that would be nice.
I like all that ammo, and you could get a...
I'd definitely put an aftermarket trigger and some aftermarket sights,
and then you've got a fucking great concealed carry piece.
I just don't like stock Glock stuff.
Like stock Glock sights and triggers I find to be absolutely shitty.
Even their grips. Their grips need stippling.
I feel like
their trigger guards need expanding.
But with a little customization,
the Glock is the way to go, I feel like.
It's going to work.
With those additions that I just put out there,
you could fucking dump the mag in just a split second
if you needed to.
Taylor's back. So Taylor, we're doing
Patreon questions.
Where are you getting your kettlebell
exercises?
Do you have a specific website
or app? I'd like to get into this too.
You seem to have
a routine that someone made.
Someone didn't make it.
I went to bodybuilding.com and found
a beginner's kettlebell
thing and did that for like two days and just did exactly what they said and it was way too easy
and so i just went through all their other kettlebell plans and picked out similar exercises
and then kind of just assembled like an a b c d e f g or whatever how many exercises i do on that
day and then like how many times I repeat it or whatever.
And so most of it's upper body at this point that I'm doing there.
You're skipping leg day?
With this, a lot of it is in the legs.
Because when you're like moving something up,
you're like also getting down and pushing it up or whatever.
I always do that.
And you're doing that like swinging thing that is so much harder than you think it is.
It looks easy and you're like that can't even be a workout.
You're kind of going down to a squat and then this thing is down between your legs and you're opening your hips and popping up and doing like this power clean motion and bringing it up.
You're basically like humping it up.
And what you want to do is use your arms to help you to like pull it up and make it easier on your like – I it's called uh uh some kind of chain like the
your posterior chain yeah that's what it's called yeah posterior chain is better but like when you
finally figure out the way you're supposed to do it where you're just using your arms as like
something to hold the kettlebell and you're like off this part of your arm you're like pushing out
with your almost like just like you're humping it like it is you do like four of those and you're
like this is stupid nothing's burning and then you get to like like 25 or 30 and you're like oh oh like
your arms are shaking and like your groin and everything is sore it's being utilized that's
why because you're using like like so much of so many muscles are being activated at the same time
when you're doing that that each second of it each movement is definitely more than
like you do an arm curl you're mostly working like your bicep and like this muscle and you
know there's some connective stuff yeah but when you do those those kettle that kettlebell stuff
it's like everything from like your back and your shoulders to your butt and your like your feet and
like i feel muscles all in my legs and in my core and my arms everywhere yeah it's not like scientific
the way
i'm adding the exercises it was more just like like it told me the first one told me to do like
cleans where you just like pull it up and then you drop it back down you pull it up and i did
that for a while this is too easy like i'm getting rid of the entire clean thing and every single
thing is a clean and press now like and i don't know it's any time it seems too easy. I just add a harder workout
I do it or increase the weight imagining like a tailor sexual partner like fucking
Hold your slow your roll for
Fuck of the Incredible Hulk here is doing
Every three times a week
Yes, every three times a week I'm doing humping exercises
My humping, you know
Really, I was hoping you'd compliment the form
Just like a regular dude
With a massively strong lower back
Who humps like a monster
Like a chimpanzee
Like three thrusts in
And all the sheets are off the bed.
Elastic is off.
Doesn't happen till later in the lovemaking.
Oh,
that's funny.
But yeah,
I would say just pick one of the easy ones that you think from bodybuilding.com
and then just look around for the other exercises you think you like.
They got tons of videos showing you exactly how to do it, which off with a low weight i'm glad that i did uh instead of like
i'm glad i started with 25 pounds for a lot of those instead of just jumping right up to like
35 for some because it really is important to make sure you're getting the form right because
you can tell very quickly when you do an exercise and you're like holding it awkwardly or something because of the way the
weight hangs. It's not just
here. It almost
wrenches you down.
Form's really important
for it. I don't want to hurt
myself overall because I'd feel like a real idiot.
Next question.
I don't know if the guy was asking about that too, but
I purchased mine on Amazon. That was definitely
the way to go. With Prime shipping a good idea. With Prime shipping.
Like they'll ship a fucking 50 pounds of iron to your house for free, right?
Dude, just a quick note.
Like two years ago, I was looking at whole house generators, and it was available by Prime.
And they had next day shipping for an extra like $5.95.
Wow.
And the guy was like yeah fuck it i guess
let's see what happens and they overnighted a fucking like like if you know these generators
they're the size of like a riding lawnmower like they're big and and yeah he's like yeah
believe it or not it came the next day next day next day land for that, yeah. But here's another Patreon question.
Is dating someone who does drugs
when you have no desire to do drugs a bad idea?
Well, that depends what you mean by someone who does drugs.
Are you talking about a girl who smokes pot every night when she gets home?
Are you talking about a girl who smokes pot constantly all the time every day?
Are you talking about a girl who smokes pot once a week?
Or are you talking about a girl who snorts pills? Are you talking about a girl who smokes pot once a week? Or are you talking about a girl who snorts pills?
Are you talking about a girl who shoots heroin?
Are you talking about a girl who has a lot of druggy friends
who are also into harder drugs?
Like, you ask a really wide question.
I get it.
I get that it's too wide, and that stuff matters.
So I'm going to say it's a girl who smokes pot
like a lot of people drink a beer.
Maybe one when
she gets home from work along with video games weekends uh so she's but she's not like a wake
and bake stoner kind of person right but but whenever there's uh you know uh whenever she
has some down time she likes to take a joint with it. Sorry. What happened?
She has linked that video and I've seen it four times, but it never gets old.
Yeah,
I can't look at that chat.
I will link it to you.
So yeah, anyway,
she's like a wine drinker with
pot. Is this a problem?
No.
Like Kyle was saying, it all depends
on the drug. If that's all that she's doing
then i say you know no it shouldn't matter let her do her thing and if you don't want to do it
with her whatever just don't do it but if she's got a bunch of druggy friends and they're sketchy
and they're doing harder drugs often that's not a crowd you want to roll with if they're bragging
about the copper wire they just scored. Do a PCP and such.
You don't want to hang out with those people because eventually you will get sucked in.
And even if you're the guy who's not doing anything, they'll get raucous one night and you'll be out with that group and it'll be almost as bad as having done it.
I feel like you should sync up.
I even think – make it not pot.
Make it beer.
like I even think like take make it not pot make it beer I don't know that I would want a partner who wasn't on the same beer page as me like you know if
she's having one every day is a way to like relax after work and I'm not then I
don't know that's just an aspect of us that's not on the same page not saying
she's bad just that you should be a match. That's kind of where I come from.
Yeah, I feel you.
Yeah, it's really just a matter of what you're
comfortable with and
if it's just pot that she's smoking
and she's not doing like coke or a hard drug or something
I think you're probably fine.
I'm trying to be more into the relationship
with the needles. I just don't like them.
If that's the issue, then back off.
The fact that he said drugs makes me think that it's not just pot,
because if it was pot, he would have said,
she smokes weed or whatever.
Get back to us.
What kind of drugs are we talking about here?
Because it matters.
It's a big deal because some drugs are terrifying and will ruin your life,
and some drugs are recreational drugs that, I mean,
alcohol I think is much worse than marijuana.
If I hear that someone drinks
every night when they get home from work,
I'm worried about that guy. If I hear that he smokes a joint
every night when he gets home from work,
I couldn't care less.
If you're having multiple drinks every night after work,
you're an alcoholic.
If you're smoking a joint every night after work, you've an alcoholic. If you're smoking a joint every night after work,
you've probably got a stressful job.
But you're not going to have a hangover
or have any real medical issues.
Your liver's not going to fall out.
You're not going to become addicted.
You won't gain a bunch of weight.
But then again, if this person...
Yeah, you probably will actually.
You'll just snack it on.
Yeah, the downfall by Funyuns.
But you won't end up sucking dick for coke like Bob Saget. Yeah, the downfall by Funyuns. But you won't end up sucking dick
for Coke like Bob Saget.
Yeah.
No, that's true. That's a true fact.
I somehow
doubt that. I know you're both straight-faced,
but I'm not
going to... I will Google it.
Do I have to Google it?
Go right ahead.
It'll just confirm to you.
Bob Saget
does absolutely suck cock.
His name is Bill Seeger.
I'm suck cock for cock.
It's from a movie.
We're just teasing.
In a movie.
All along.
It was this very same argument.
It's from the movie.
It's that Dave Chappelle movie
where they're all stoners,
and one of the stoners gets arrested
because while being stoned,
he fed a police horse a bunch of junk food
and it passed out and died.
And so he's in jail
and complaining that he doesn't have weed in jail.
And Bob Saget's like,
pot?
You're addicted to pot?
Bitch, I've sucked cock for coke.
And it's just like,
it's like cold water in the
face when bob saget comes out of nowhere and is a prison bitch and he's like i've sucked cock for
coke like it's the first thing the guy from little from uh full house says to you that's a good use
for him someone asked me if i've ever thought about flying an airplane or a helicopter in the
future uh the answer is yes i thought about it a ton in my life though helicopters and airplanes
like the kinds i could fly are no more useful than paramotors they're really just i don't know toys
that let you see this world from the sky and uh they're very expensive and i'm just like man i
don't know that i want to make that kind of financial mistake like i was reading about
airplanes i've done so much research.
And it said, if you buy a plane,
this will likely be the biggest financial mistake you've ever made in your life.
Great hobby, though.
Yeah, just no going in.
And it was pro-plane, the article.
They're just like, that's going to be your reality.
It'll be worse than buying.
Aren't there some services or setups
where you and, and say 25 other guys
co-own a plane and you share all the maintenance costs and everything like a time shared plane
exactly yeah definitely um there are people who have co-ownerships like you talked about 25 is a
lot i think usually like four to six and maybe you have like a club like there's there's co-leasing
situation where you might like a bunch of you four or six people get together and lease the plane as a group and share the maintenance and whatever.
But they're expensive too.
You know, like now you're on the hook and you're competing for time.
If you own it yourself, at least it's always ready, but you have to pay for it all.
The hangar fees are very expensive. And, you know, that's a problem. Like, whenever something
needs to be worked on it, the number of people who can work on it is so limiting. Like, you almost
have to go to college to be an airplane mechanic. So they charge you out the wazoo. And I just
thought about it. And I'm like, man, and for what? Like, if the kind of helicopter like a personal
person might buy, isn't that useful? It's not like you solve the transportation problem.
The same is true with a little Cessna.
Very few people actually need to get from remote airport to remote airport,
and there's nothing there when you get there.
They call it the $100 hamburger because if you're lucky,
there's a hamburger grill there.
Not at our local one.
You land, and they've got complimentary Reese's and Cokes and stuff.
There's one I joined.
I actually didn't keep up with it this year, but they're known for having popsicles and
stuff in the freezer.
They're like, oh, Kennebec is great.
Their freezer's just filled with frozen stickers bars.
Coffee machine, fully stocked, clean bathroom,
a little TV,
a couple couches and everything.
But these are not world-class things we're talking about.
This is less than a burger grill.
This is a Snickers bar.
It's a tiny airport.
It's something neat about flying
and doing a thing
there, but still,
it's... Yeah, so I've thought about it a ton,
but I think it's just a tremendous expense for mild gain.
Yeah.
I,
what you might want to do,
and I don't know if you would enjoy it or not,
but I fucking loved it was the time I went and took that,
uh,
two hours of flying lessons.
And you know,
you're in like a,
she has,
uh,
controls and you have controls and uh but but she was
hands off for everything that we did and she was there to like keep us safe and so i got to take
off and land and you literally took off and landed yeah yeah it was so much fun um it was terrifying
for parts of it but like i got she was like where do you want to go and i was like well i i live
over here and she's like well let's go and like we go and like fly over my dad's place and and and like i i had called him and told
him that i was flying over soon and so like i make a real sharp turn like right over my dad's place
and then like shake the wings at him and go back to the airport and it was cheap it was uh 150 maybe
something like it's a couple hundred dollars like it was so little money that it was inconsequential.
It wasn't even a thought.
It was like, oh, let's go.
All right, let's go.
It was well worth whatever it was.
We sat through an hour, not even that long,
maybe 40 minutes of basic aeronautics
and what the left is called and what the right is called,
and none of it really mattered.
We talked about how the flaps in the plane worked
and how planes work. And then she how the how the flaps in the plane worked and how planes work um and then we just went and got then she showed us how
to walk around the plane and check it for uh all the things to check planes for and then we took
off and flew around for a couple hours and landed it was that does sound like a fun thing to do
like yeah and i'm thinking like is that something One of the problems when I think of gifts, I thought with my daughter, I'm like, hey, it's your last kind of summer.
You know, soon you'll be in college.
Do you want to go to Spain and learn to paraglide?
And they're all like, no, Woody, that is your idea of a holiday, not mine.
And just now I'm like, Hope's birthday is coming up.
Maybe she'd like to, you know, go take a little trainer plane ride.
And again, it's like, oh, yeah.
What else are you going to get her for her birthday, Woody?
That new reserve parachute you've been thinking of?
So, yeah.
But it seems like I'm still on the edge.
Like, that's such a great idea.
Take her for a plane ride.
She'd remember it forever.
I really enjoyed it.
The idea was to get my cousin acclimated to planes and he flat out refused to go it was like scott let's go i got
two hours i'll fly the first hour you fly the second hour this would be great uh and he flat
out refused so i flew both of his hours you know the idea like i said was let's put him in control
of the plane right and let him and let and maybe that will get him over his fear
of flying commercially, but no go.
Anyway, so yeah, I thought about it,
but it's just not that useful.
Well, you ever get constipated
and your grandma's nowhere near to figure out
that hard, obstructive turd.
There's a new solution discovered by a somewhat innovative man in the Guangzhou province of
China.
He, it's actually, he didn't innovate this.
I just read through the article.
This is a somewhat, you know, tried and true practice, I guess, in that area of China.
You put an eel up your
asshole to cure constipation and this gentleman put a 50 centimeter 50
centimeter a long eel in his ass and it swam through his bowels as owls are
house as eels are one to do and started like eating away at his stomach to be
so he was all here to be clear it ate through the intestine and continued on within his body cavity.
It sounds better than keto in terms of weight loss.
And the way that it's written in the article makes it seem like the guy showed up and was like,
Oh, my stomach!
And they're like, What's wrong?
He's like, It could be anything!
And then they let him into surgery.
I ate a bad cook power chicken last night and I also shoved an eel in my ass last night.
No, but he didn't tell them. He just got down there and they're like, oh my god, they cut it open.
They find a 50cm eel in his stomach cavity just swimming around.
And he has to like, what do you even...
I knew that I undercooked you something
Good god, that is I don't I don't understand how it could cure your your constipation because you're
It would I'm gonna break up the poop. It's swimming
Like like like like making space between your intestine and the poop?
Maybe like, it's a solid that grabs all the poop?
If I used earthworms, would they eat the poop and then poop out the poop?
No, no.
That's why they use...
...eat the tapeworm.
How do you know this requires a test?
That's why they use liquid, uh, whatever they're called.
What the fuck is it called? Enemas.
That's why they use enemas that are liquid.
You wouldn't wanna squirt a solid
up there, because it wouldn't help.
Oh, the...
There's a difference between a solid and a solid
creature who's gonna, of his own volition,
swim around inside
and do a little work. Like, this is like sending
nature's miner
up into that asshole to
do a little bit of God's work in there and clean
things up. This is very holistic.
I notice there's no electronics involved with this, no electromagnetism,
which causes cancer, quite frankly.
That's what's causing all the cancer we have.
It's all of the medical techniques that are now employed by modern medicine.
If we went back to the old tried-and-true eel-up-the-ass method,
which cures virtually every disease.
We'd be a much, much healthier society and more in tune with nature.
Why wouldn't you like this is even if this did work, why wouldn't you at least like take a string or a rubber band or some floss and tie it around the head of the eel?
And so that it doesn't get stuck in your ass and then make sure that the head of the eel is always kept out.
There's nothing.
You're like, who moves to there?
And you just get a collar and a leash.
Oh, no.
Just pulling it out like a magician with all those kerchiefs right out of your ass.
No, I don't know.
It's just if I were, if someone said, hey, you have to shove this eel up your ass,
but you can do it any way you want. I'd be like, alright, we're gonna
get that thing's head under control, because that's not coming anywhere
near. We're gonna go tail first,
and we're gonna make sure that there's some sort of
clamp or vice, making sure that
it doesn't go muzzle.
Yeah, and slide right up in there. You'd make sure
that it's coming right back out. If you're
gonna do something like this, take a little bit of care.
I feel like you should just
muzzle the face, and then let it swim up it needs its mouth to bite through the food but the turds i just need
the turds broken up well he's he's he's gonna do what he can but sometimes he's got a turd just
just have like a head but all those turds in there with his soft eel head. He needs his mouth.
You know what?
He could have just drank it.
Don't cut him off his eel knees.
But I don't want him to bite through my intestines and go find other stuff.
I just imagine this eel life testing, like the eels form a union.
Like, don't you shove me up your ass and cut me off the knees at the same time.
Send me in there with my teeth.
That's how they start, but they trick you.
Then all of a sudden, they're poking out of your scrotum.
Oh, this or a cup of black coffee.
You know, those are your choices.
You can have, and then, oh, maybe if you're like, you know,
at that point, if you've really got a shit that bad,
start smoking cigarettes, start drinking so much coffee,
start taking laxatives.
Like, there are so many steps that need to be taken before live eels are introduced into the pooping realm you know
the the the the late i'm up to date on better call saw and uh you're right woody some stuff
happened and it was so satisfying when it happened it's what i've been waiting on
for so long because that whole situation with him and his brother was is very annoying and it's and you know you want someone just like slap
this old man around and be like but this brother is not without a point right like jimmy slick jimmy
saul he's not a perfect person but i i feel like his brother's not on his team and it it's a very
complicated situation,
and they present it fantastically.
I'm definitely on Saul's side.
His brother's holding that shit against him from when they were children,
and he thinks that Jimmy was stealing from the register,
but really the situation was, if you remember,
Jimmy had realized that his father was just a fool,
just an absolute fool,
and was always going to be taken advantage of by someone,
and he was like, well, I might as well take a dollar
if this guy is such a fool born...
They say a fool's born every day,
but this guy's a fool every day.
And I'm just going to...
I'm not going to deal with it anymore.
And he was still holding on to that
in those court proceedings.
But yeah, I love their little...
The trickery he pulled,
the little Matlock moment there at the end.
And it was even great because his brother was like,
you probably thought that bringing my ex-wife here
was going to throw me all off
and I was going to fall apart here on the stand.
Well, do you have anything else, Jimmy?
And he's like, yeah, yeah, I do.
I'm going to tear you apart now and ruin your life.
And it, of course, goes back to three episodes ago
when Jimmy's out there smoking on the curb
waiting on the cops to come arrest him.
And he's like, they're going to come for you and take you away and put you in a hospital and i'm gonna
watch that's all he says like smoking a cigarette and you're like yeah that's what's fucking coming
you cunt like i'm looking for i hope that happens yeah yeah take him away yeah take him away
dude it's so heavy and i love that we're overlapping with the Breaking Bad timeline now,
so you see how things got together.
Better Call Saul has taken three and a half years to get good,
and it's good now.
Where are you guys watching it?
Like what app?
I purchased it.
Oh, like on Amazon?
Probably.
I've got everything there is to have,
and so I have this thing where I can click, and it'll show me the cheapest ways to buy it, Amazon? Probably. I've got everything there is to have.
I have this thing where I can click and it'll show me the cheapest ways to buy it.
There's usually three or four and I always just pick whatever's
cheapest. It could be anything.
I need to start watching this season because you're making it sound
really good. Yeah, I figured
you did that, Woody.
I look at all the sources
and I find the lowest price I can.
I find the one with the most peers also sharing.
And I never seed because I'm an asshole.
Or unless you're on someone else's internet, of course.
Then just everything.
I also trained a thought.
But yeah, Better Call Saul got good.
I'm enjoying Veep.
That took a fun turn.
Silicon Valley is taking a fun turn.
Haven't started Archer.
And there's another one that's cooking right now that I haven't started.
Boo to Archer.
Boo to Archer, huh?
Boo to Archer.
The thing is, I've liked seasons, Taylor in particular, that Taylor didn't like.
I've liked all the seasons up until now.
And I've always wanted
to be pugnant by its very nature i love the cocaine season i loved it too i i i even though
it was a bit repetitive i liked you know the the hot pam i liked her cocaine i loved body cast her
getting all fucking crazy and the cocaine body cast this season i think i already said but you
know it's archers in a coma and all of the events of the
season take place in his head in a dream
sequence. Like, we're at season
four, we're at episode four and five, like halfway
through the whole final season of Archer
the way I understand it. And none
of it, and none of this counts. It's all
Archer. So maybe Archer dies at the end of this. Yeah,
maybe Archer dies at the end.
And I won't fucking care, because they
wasted his last season.
Hmm.
It's shit.
They took Bob's Burgers off Netflix
and then only put season two back.
Which is a bummer.
My son loves Bob's Burgers,
so we're kind of like,
ah, it sucks.
It does suck.
I like Bob's Burgers too.
Head on over to the bay for that.
Yeah, I will look around for the lowest prices yeah yeah
click that button that shows you the lowest price
it'll say zero at the bottom
usually there's one site in particular
that's hard to beat
usually the issue isn't even price it's just how long
it takes
it's just a matter of speed
uh
Chiz just linked to this
I figured you've probably had experience with this woody
abc news uh off of california there's a paddleboarder guy and he's surrounded by like
15 great white sharks and they like have to tell them to get back in like
this is why i'll never paddleboard or go out that far in the ocean like oh man
even though it's not reasonable at all let's watch this video together can we start over
yeah yeah this is i'm hearing the audio the audio is not great but it's super compelling
uh you guys queued up at zero yep ready set play
in the water this is the Orange County Sheriff's Department be advised state
parks is asking us to make an announcement to let you know you are
paddleboarding next to approximately 15 great white sharks they're advising that
you exit the water in a second you'll see all of them. Calm manner.
Yeah, look at all that.
They're as close as the surf line.
I don't see any paddle boarders, though.
Right?
Who are they talking to?
I guess someone closer to the...
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah, no, I've seen a shark more than once.
I don't know, two, three times.
But I have never been surrounded by 15 sharks or anything like that.
And did he say they were great white sharks?
Yeah, he did indeed.
Yeah, great whites.
Wait, which ones are...
Are great whites really aggressive?
Great whites are the biggest ones.
I think the tiger sharks are the most
aggressive, right?
Who knows, right? Like, what, are we taking a personality
test, or are we just gauging by how
often people are attacked? Because what if we just
live closer to the tiger sharks,
and all the scary sharks live somewhere where there
aren't any people? I'm not 100%
sure. Dr sure um to humans
let's see would you say the great white's probably among them great white is number i don't know if
these are ranked uh great white tiger short fin mako uh ocean oceanic white tip shark bull shark
and then it took me to another slideshow. Which is the shark with the long tail.
Is that the thresher shark?
Thresher shark, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I always read that.
It's probably a wives' tale about it,
like jumping out of the water
and the tail cutting a man's head off.
I've heard a wives' tale of it being the thing
that people saw coming out of the water
that they thought was some mythical beast
because from a distance,
that enormous tail looks almost like a neck and a head or something like that i yeah sharks they freak me out i one of the times i
kept surfing you know what it is if i'm with other people i'm like all right well i guess we've
collectively decided this is safe if i'm alone i'm afraid of sharks even when i don't see them
like that that's how I'm wired.
The subreddit is called Lassophobia, I think.
It's like L-A-S-S-O-phobia,
which sounds like you're afraid of cowboys tying you up,
but that's not what it is. I think it seems to me that it's a fear of the ocean's depths
or at least the unknown of the ocean's depths.
Maybe that is the fear. Yeah yeah and there's all these like
videos and gifs of like undersea scary monsters just like it'll be like blurry gray ocean water
and then emerges this beast that you're oh god it was right there the whole time it'll be like a
flower sticking above the water and then underneath it you realize it's like the kraken you know with the flower
antenna oh yeah some of it is like fictional yeah they'll have fictional like monsters of the depth
but then of course they'll have like a shot of just an infinite number of fucking deadly jellyfish
floating around in a death cloud in the ocean or something like that i always think it's weird when
they give like phobia to things that you're supposed to be afraid of like i always think of phobia homophobia like
an irrational fear like that's what phobia no is phobia just fear or irrational fear because i
always think of it as irrational fears like so people who are phobic of like cotton uh or phobic
of turning left in their car those are two examples from a show that i watched where one woman uh
got in a car accident turning left once.
And so now she just this bitch just takes right turns everywhere.
If she needs to go 100 yards to her left in the car, she will take a right and a right and a right.
And then make it back to GPS setting.
I need to get to Orlando.
All right.
Turns like the reverse NASCAR setting.
I always think of it like that, but when it's like, oh,
Thasso or Lassie phobia or whatever the fuck you said it was,
fear of total unknown in the depths of the ocean.
It's like, well, yeah, of course people are afraid of that.
Our ancestors walked over and looked at big, deep pools of water and said,
hey, you know what?
Most of the time when we jump in these, it does not pan out.
So let's be wary.
If you can see the bottom, we'll go there.
I would be so afraid if I were in the ocean, like in a life jacket or something, just bobbing up and down.
And just with no shoreline in sight.
That's something I love.
And no knowledge of what's below me because the answer
is everything. The answer about what's below
you is everything and any of those
awful things that you can even dream
up might be down there below you. It's not
necessarily like the land where it's like if I'm
in South Carolina there aren't any fucking lions
here. No lions in South Carolina
would run them all out of here.
That's not exactly the same with the ocean.
There might be a giant squid down there who just
maybe he's sick today and he came up real
high and he's sick but he saw a fucking
naked monkey up there bobbing around. He's gonna
drag you down and then peck it
and then like chew at you with that beak they have
alive until he, why is he drowned?
Or it could be a shark or it could be
just something awful. It's a whole ocean of enemies.
It's just enemies in there.
Everything wants to hurt you.
Everything wants to hurt you because they can see you
and they go, that does not belong here.
I can tell.
When I was at Lifeguard,
Lifeguard Stories, if there were three people
working that day, which was unusual,
but sometimes happened, I would definitely...
Unless I was the lowest ranked guy,
I'd take a guy below me and he had to do
whatever I said. That's kind of how the the thing was run it went very
strictly by seniority and i'd make them swim out with me we'd swim so far it wasn't that we couldn't
see land but we could only see like the telephone pole tops and stuff like that like the tops of
buildings and stuff you just certainly couldn't see the beach we were out way too far for that
and we would just swim way the fuck out there.
Like, that was, I really enjoy that.
Sometimes when I think, I don't know if it's still open or whatever, but in my mind, that invite to Sailing La Vagabonde, like, hey, Woody, you should come with us and, you know,
whatever, do a sailboat thing.
I'm like, oh, they could totally make this happen.
We could go like 10 miles out and I'd swim where it's a thousand feet deep
and like nowhere near anything.
To them, I bet that's just a casual thing
that they do sometimes.
To me, like I've never gotten that done.
I really want to swim in the middle of nowhere.
Oh man, that sounds awful.
That is so close to the bottom of the things
that I want to do.
That list is long as fuck and that is so far to the bottom of it things that I want to do. That list is long as fuck, and that is so far to the bottom of it.
It sounds like every moment of that, my panic levels will be rising,
and it would be a real thing where I would have to master that.
I would have to concentrate on that the entire time
to keep that fear at a manageable level and resist panic.
That's what flying was for me.
Have you ever been in a claustrophobic situation where you're like locked into something you have to master that
fear and get in control of that or it'll take complete control and you'll be hyperventilating
and clawing at whatever you're hiding in for me it's always like all right let's let's lock me
into this like i've been locked in vaults and safes and barrels and stuff for whether it's a
prank or it's for a video idea like i've been
locked in like an actual like safe safe like a gun safe and then wait till the guy gets back and
he oh and i'm like ah and i'm in your safe waiting uh it's like how did a man get in there it's like
you take all his guns and you gotta hope hope that he doesn't put his guns away loaded because
then he just kills you you gotta You need an accomplice for that.
You need a second friend there to be like,
yeah, you don't have a gun. Yeah, yeah, open the safe now.
Man, I would rather take my chances
against the eagle than
swim out there in
the depths with all those enemies.
All sea enemies.
It's just so scary,
because it's not like you don't have a chance.
Like anything that's aggressive
in the sea, it's built
to swim.
It's funny, when you say that
amongst land animals,
like, oh, what do you, a wolf would kill you.
I'm like, I don't know.
Let's give it a go.
But in the water,
I'm like yes absolutely they
are so much better at swimming than even the best version of me like even a little fish like one
this big i feel like would be able to just come at me take bites and get away from me that's exactly
what i was gonna i would have a very hard time stopping it from doing what it chose to do right
you're not gonna punch a fish.
If I had it trapped in an aquarium,
I would have a very hard time grabbing it with my hands, let alone trying to swim
and being in the ocean in every direction.
You could never touch this thing if you wanted
to, but he's just like a guided missile
who eats you at his will.
So I used to keep a reef aquarium, right?
If you asked me to catch
a clownfish, which is like a Finding Nemo fish, with my hand, very hard.
You need a big, fat fucking net to trap it into a corner.
So the idea that even Finding Nemo would have a hard time biting me is wrong.
He would just succeed at it.
What kind of weird little fish would swim up your urethra?
Oh, that's in, like, rivers, though.
In Amazon, yeah. They have barbs
so that go in and you don't get them back
out. That's fucking terrifying.
That's why I don't swim in the Amazon anymore.
One time
is too many times.
I've never swam in the Amazon.
Have you swam in the Amazon?
Of course I haven't swam in the Amazon!
I don't know.
I've swam in the Ganges.
Yeah, right? Well, a swam in the Ganges. Yeah, right?
Well, a few times in the Adriatic, but no.
I've swam in the Amazon.
I bet people swim in it all the time.
Do you know what the Ganges River is?
No.
Is it a water-raptored river?
It's that river in India where everybody throws dead people in there,
and they bathe and wash in there, too.
Let me find a picture
find the floating bodies there are some rivers in india that have been depicted as so dirty
i have to want like ever see the flooding footage like this is the flood this is the great flood of
like never heard this town georgia and then you're like oh yes but you have very selectively framed this shot
to imply that this flooding goes on and on and on when really it's just these two stores parking
lots right where you see people like oh they're trapped in my in this house and then there's a
marine walking with an inflatable boat like rescue rescuing people who it's only shin deep that is how i wonder if they're framing this river is it really
that dirty or are they just like finding framing the dirtiest part on its worst day i'm trying to
find a good video of it but it's like mostly still pictures oh this is this is they put their
body they put the dead bodies in it they you know they already have that whole problem with shitting in toilets um and so they do they struggle with it mightily
they have nuclear weapons but not not a toilet for every man that i think their uh the prime
minister or president or whatever said that that was one of his goals going into the 21st century
a toilet for every man kyle's right though like, for all of India's advancements and their tech, they're big on IT, but they really
seem to be at the bottom of the totem pole for toilets.
And hygiene in general.
Yeah.
You wipe your ass with your hands?
With your fucking hands?
They don't even wipe it.
I've seen them shitting on those beaches.
They squat, drop a hot load like a dog, and then pull those fucking shorts up and
fucking go about their smelly ass day with like
Like you know and their ass you're gonna get a rash
Their ass cheeks are smearing that shit all day
And so like I guarantee if he like bent over you'd see like his ass is all covered in shit
They are covered in shit all day like these are shit. You could light a match on it
Just f-
It's so-
Disgusting
That's awful So much dry work shit and shit all day. Like, these are shit. You could light a match on it. Just... Disgusting.
That's awful.
Yeah, I just...
Indian people,
like, you really got to
step up your toilet game.
You're doing well
in other aspects
of the civilization game,
but you skipped an item
on the tech tree.
You know?
I imagine most Indian people,
like, if they...
If someone in India
who doesn't have access
to a toilet
was listening to this, I feel like they would be like, oh yes, we have, we've yet to think of the toilet. It's not that we cannot afford it or anything. It's, we cannot have, it's not that we don't want them. We like shitting in holes. We enjoy it. We enjoy shitting in holes on the street.
They are shitting with no shame.
It would be different if they were out there just popping a squat and like, oh, I hate they have to do this on the beach in front of everyone.
No, they're taking proud public shits. Part of what Kyle is talking about is so India has a gigantic income disparity.
In America, even our poor people have cars.
I get it.
I get it.
You're driving a 1997 Civic or something, but you have a car.
In India, the poor people are poor, poor.
There are guys making the equivalent of $100,000 a year.
And then you've got other people living on whatever, a dollar a day or something ridiculous like that.
Are poor?
Is there 1%?
No.
They've got rich, rich, too.
Yeah, pretty much.
But their income disparity is gigantic.
And it's like a source of national shame in India.
They don't like to talk about it.
But dude, even your wealthy people,
even your middle class,
you're wiping your ass with your hands.
Is that true though?
Yeah.
Because I feel like once you've got middle class,
upper class, like you spring for a toilet.
No, they have toilets.
They don't have toilet paper.
And I'm telling you,
like the people I work with had servants at home
and they wipe their ass with their hands.
Yeah.
But there's toilet paper so readily available everywhere.
You're here.
You can go to any store, like any one you want.
Pick your favorite one and go get your favorite brand of favorite paper to wipe your ass with.
Drug stores, grocery stores, convenience stores, gas stations are carrying toilet paper.
Yeah.
Just pick up some leaves. They don't are carrying toilet paper. You know? They don't want it.
Just pick up some leaves.
They don't want your toilet paper.
They enjoy the smell.
I don't know.
They can't be like, oh, ladies, love it.
That seems like it's disastrous for public health that you've got little bits of feces under your fingernails and whatnot and you're touching stuff.
I think they wash their hands too.
I think they wipe with their
hands and then wash their hands. That's the idea.
But I still don't feel like that's...
Yeah, in the river, they shatter.
Well, now you're talking about the very poor.
The very, very, very poor...
Look, I'm going to extend a lot of leniency
here. Personally, I think
you should hop in the water when you do your pooping.
That's me.
If you have a servant, I really think you should have some wet wipes.
Skip right past the paper game.
I think you guys doing just paper are not at the top of the hygiene list here.
But get some wet wipes, and you will have an ass that is as clean as it came.
The driven snow.
The A or something.
Let me read about CISO.
All right. CISO. Comedy nerds
rejoice. CISO has the comedy you
crave with the debut seasons of
Shrink plus more from your favorite comedians
including Paul F. Topkins, Dan
Harmon, the McElry Brothers,
Jonah Ray, the UCB4, which includes
Amy Poehler, Matt Besser, Ian Roberts
and Matt Walsh in hilarious
knee-slapping CISO Original Series.
The Cyanide and Happiness Show is the perfect combination of offensive and hilarious
while exploring the absurdities of modern life, politics, and history
with a heavy dose of cynicism.
The great thing? It's only available on CISO.
With CISO, you get unlimited access to CISO Original Series,
Next Day Late Night,
hilarious stand-up specials
binge-worthy classics including 42 seasons of saturday night live the entire monty python
catalog and more a mind-bending superhero epic from cyanide and happiness check an animated
fantasy role-playing game starring dan harman and hilarious and famous comedian uh hilarious
and famous comedians, check.
A famous reality show that lampoons the reality show genre and relies on fabulous improv performances
created by the genius minds behind comedy Bang, Bang and Reno 911.
Yep, CISO has that too.
CISO is the new home for all of your favorite comedy.
Britcom, stand-up specials, bingeable classics and more.
And it's all in demand and ad-free.
You get British comedies like The IT Crowd and Mighty Python,
or maybe you prefer classics
like The Kids in the Hall and Parks and Rec.
How about every season and episode
of Saturday Night Live and
Late Night TV, including new episodes the day
after they air?
Just go to, let's see, click too far.
Access CISO content from anywhere at any time
using iOS, Android, Roku, Amazon Fire, Apple TV, Windows, or Xbox One.
Ready for the punch line?
CISO is just $3.99 per month.
No joke.
$3.99 per month for all of the comedy you want anytime, anywhere, ad-free.
Just go to seeso.com right now to sign up for one month for free with promo code PKA at checkout.
This is the best offer CISO has going right now.
One month for free of laughing your ass off comedy at CISO just by using promo code PKA.
That's CISO.com spelled S-E-E-S-O.com, promo code PKA.
I own CISO.
I downloaded it maybe three or four months ago.
And my favorite things on it are definitely
the Monty Python stuff.
I like going back and watching
SNL. And whenever there's some late night
stuff that makes the news, I like
going and watching that too. CISO should consider
airing our ad read because
that shit was funny.
Are you ready
for the punchline?
No, I guess we are now.
And word is out.
That one does not roll off the tongue easily.
Well, check out CISO.
Check them out.
Yeah, what do you get for the promo code?
PKA.
It got by me.
Free month, maybe?
Yeah, month free.
A month free PKA free pka check it out i uh i just linked
a story that i only know about because i heard someone talking about it today it happened here
a couple days ago during a cardinals game this lady was just sitting at bush stadium watching
the cardinals game and there was like gang activity a block over with some shooting, and a bullet went a couple blocks, or a block or whatever, into the stadium,
and this woman got shot through her coat and grazed her elbow.
Good old St. Louis.
This sounds like horse shit to me.
All right, let me read this part.
St. Louis police said the woman, 34, was sitting in her seat in section 141 at about 9.40 p.m.
when she felt pain in her arm.
She removed her jacket and noticed a small abrasion to her elbow.
She went to the first aid station, and the workers there contacted an off-duty police officer
working a secondary security job there.
Police said the victim could not be reached for comment.
Her mother told the post-dispatch the victim had retained an attorney,
and they had been advised not to speak to reporters.
They said, wow, you've just been shot, quote quote just as the eighth inning was coming to a close game 13 old son game to
what matter she says a bullet slug was found in the immediate area around the victim's seat
according to police they said it appeared the bullet came from outside the stadium
and come in like like a catapult yeah it would have had to come in like a catapult? Yeah, it would have had to come in like an arc.
And arced in like someone shot at a very steep angle
and it came in, but more likely a very straight up angle
and it fell in.
There are millions of dollars being spent
on additional security personnel, blah, blah.
We're in shock sitting there.
Yeah, it...
Well, don't be in shock.
I got to see the bullet.
I got to see... It's St. Louis. I have to see the bullet. If I saw the bullet, I't be in shock. I've got to see the bullet. I have to see the bullet.
If I saw the bullet, I'd be like, yeah, that's what that is.
Or no, it isn't.
Because I've seen plenty of bullets that got fired but never hit anything,
which is kind of a rare thing.
That usually doesn't happen.
If you go to the end of like Knob Creek is really famous for the machine gun
shoots they have.
And I've been downrange at Knob Creek a bunch of times,
like all the way to the end of the range where the bullets fall out.
And where the water, like, forms pools and little small rivers and stuff
and drains away, the bullets will be concentrated in those areas
because they get eroded down and they concentrate.
There are handfuls of, like, bullets that you can, like, scoop up lead and copper and stuff down there. That are handfuls of bullets that you can scoop up
lead and copper and stuff down there.
Are bullets still lead?
On the inside.
They're just coated with copper.
Yeah, to prevent fouling of
the barrel. I just read
recently that Trump made lead bullets
legal again. Yeah, to be
shot at water
foul in certain areas before
they had outlawed lead because you're shooting lead into a um into like a swamps and estuaries
and stuff i don't know about that i think it's more about wildlife uh the lead gets into their
little ecosystem and it's not so great so they make you shoot this stuff called heavy shot i
know the guy who invented heavy shot.
It's not as heavy as lead, but it's not
toxic. I think it's bismuth. Bismuth is
one way they do it, but there's another way. The guy I'm talking
about, he came up with something
in addition to bismuth. Anyway, yeah, he
made that legal again, I read.
Was that good or bad? Do we know, or do you have to be
an environmental scientist to know?
It's good for businesses who make bullets.
It's good for hunters who want cheap ammunition.
It's not great if you're a duck because...
If you're a duck, you are two thumbs down.
Yeah, ducks tend to be Democrats anyway.
Oh, I guess I got out of politics.
Have you watched this Comey thing?
Yeah, yeah.
Again, week after week, I'm like, I wonder if Kyle and Taylor are still Team Trump on this.
Oh, of course.
It just seems like everybody's conspiring against Trump with this Comey guy.
Clearly a plant.
Absolutely a Hillary shill, right?
Right?
There's only a couple things it can be right like
one is comey actually was gonna uncover something and so he he gave him the boot two trump is so
not good at planning ahead that he got mad at comey and fired him now and none of the people
around him had the balls to say, hey, Trump, that's a
really stupid idea to do right now.
Either you're so bad
at trying to cover this up that you make it look like a
worse cover-up, or you're so eager to just
get it out there and be like, let's just end this.
There's nothing there that you make
an innocent thing appear like a cover-up.
It's like,
he handled this so badly.
The timing of it is the most suspicious
thing to me because it's like his excuse of i don't like how would how he treated hillary it's
like well no no he said insubordination they they said their firing was insubordination because he
wouldn't brief them on what he was going to say to the set that's the truth i think kyle's right
but that's not the official message the official message she got fired, Comey got fired because he
didn't handle the Hillary emails.
He didn't treat Hillary fairly.
If that were the case,
he definitely has a right, like everybody
has a right to be mad at Comey with the way
that he's handled shit. He's proven that he's not good
at his job. The way he handled the Clinton investigation,
the way he's handled being so
politicized during the election, the right move
if that stuff really pissed Trump off would have been to fire him right away like as soon as it starts to be
like hey no one is going to trust the fbi or put any credence in what you people say because of how
bad comey is reflected on your organization we're getting you out of here but the fact that he
waited until now and the way democrats see it is they're like all right we hated him when he you
know politicized the the email thing on on Wiener's computer and such.
And we think that Hillary lost the election.
But now that he's going after Trump, he feels really nonpartisan.
So maybe this is a good person.
And then he got fired.
And like Kyle said, what I read is that Trump hasn't been happy with Comey for a while.
They didn't like that he didn't sort of like pre-testify,
didn't tell Trump what he was going to be saying.
And then just recently he asked for more budget and resources to,
to investigate this Russian thing.
So Trump fired him and,
and Trump made it seem like I'm going to get the name of it wrong,
but it's like the guy under the attorney general recommended it.
And then that guy like nearly threatened yeah deputy attorney general threatened to quit for
that for like putting it all on him he's like what the fuck you make it sound like this was all my
idea i want yeah he nearly quit about it yeah he dated it that's the thing too good point is that
like if he had fired comey right away i feel like everybody like of course some democrats would have
hated him because it's trump but for the most, if it was right at the beginning of the presidency,
everybody hated Comey because everybody felt like he'd done it bad, you know? Like everybody would
have been cool with him being fired or at least cooler, but that Rod Rosenthal letter that the
Deputy Attorney General, that was dated, the letter that he wrote was dated the day before he was fired and
so it's like okay so so this really wasn't a large planned thing at all was it like i i really do
think this boils down to a lot is that trump is super impulsive with some things and that he gets
mad and you know we do know from history with trump that he has a propensity to fire people
and he he just seems like a guy who's running his way and is like, all right, you're fucking fired.
Like, you're out. I don't like what you did. I don't care if this reflects badly on me.
And I really think he's got a lot of yes men around him who aren't talking because if he didn't have a yes man around him, like, imagine if you were there, Woody, and you were and he was like, I'm going to fire him tomorrow.
You'd be like, honestly, I'm not your biggest fan, Trump,
but don't you see how that would reflect badly on you?
It doesn't look good for timing.
Here's what the stories are going to be.
This is what people are going to be saying.
This is going to bury you.
But I think Trump was trying to derail the investigation against him.
And this is 2D shoots and ladders, right?
There's no investigation against me because I just got rid of the investigator.
No, the investigation continues.
This is my Trump impression.
I know, you can't tell.
It's like my regular voice.
I got it.
I was following 100%.
Sorry.
Because this seems like an 8-year-old is the president,
and that's why I don't think that that is what he's thinking, Woody,
because even an 8-year-old would know president and and that's why i don't think that that is what he's thinking woody because even an eight-year-old would know that just because you like fired a sheriff
he's got plenty of deputies right like like that position will not remain unfilled for the next
four years he's the director of the fbi like it's a big big deal right like like someone else is
going to fill his shoes the investigations will continue my thought you ask if we're still
drinking the kool-aid or whatever i guess my thought process is I'm still on board with most of it.
There's plenty of stuff he's done that I don't care for.
That lead with the waterfowl thing is among them.
Jesus Christ, was that really necessary?
I don't care.
I don't give a fuck about that.
The result of that, and I know a tiny bit about it,
is it'll be cheaper to make bullets, it'll be cheaper to buy certain bullets,
and the waterfowl might get a little fucked
because their habitat's got a little more lead in it than it used to.
You need someone around him to say no.
You need someone around him to tell him when he's about to make a stupid move
and he doesn't have anybody like that.
If he really knows in his heart that he didn't do anything with Russia, just let it play out.
Just let it play out.
Like, and the truth will come out eventually.
Like, there's still no hard evidence at all that there's any Trump-Russia collusion.
Just let it play out.
If you're innocent, you're innocent.
But firing this guy, they're still going to investigate it.
And if there's nefarious shit afoot, they will find it.
Yeah, I'm with you 100% on that. And I hope they do find it if there's nefarious shit afoot, they will find it. Yeah, I'm with you 100% on that.
And I hope they do find it if there is.
I mean, if Donald Trump did some bad stuff to get elected, then we should get rid of Donald Trump because we don't want that in our system.
What I'm okay with is this – it's like a wild card coming in and really kind of flipping the Monopoly board off the table.
And maybe we can find a better way to do some things or a more efficient way to do some things.
I'd like to see that.
Because I feel like anything that he signs,
any of these, he's not making new laws, right?
He's just signing these executive decisions
or whatever they're called.
All of this can be easily fixed with an eraser
and just another term, right?
This is not the end of the world
He's taking some steps backwards
But he's not driving the the car that we're all in backwards right like he hasn't nothing awful has happened
What's what concerns me the most is?
This Russia stuff and whether or not he went around our dip
What is it about the Russia thing that like is so troubling to you like it's still
well all right so there's a lot of smoke there's no evidence of it i don't like how much smoke
there is i don't necessarily think that we're gonna find fire i hope we don't but i think we
should keep digging until we know for sure a hundred percent who knew what and when you know
that's always the question that comes up i'm pretty sure manafort and flynn were working with russians right like that well they were working with
russians but but i don't think that they were colluding there's no evidence of collusion
i mean the fact that they removed the thing about the russians in the republican platform like they
removed that plank on how they wanted to deal with russians was really concerning to me i don't buy
the flynn thing of like you've heard like, Obama told him not to hire Flynn
or whatever.
I've heard that.
Like, he told him that, like, a long time ago.
And even after the Russia stuff came out, like, Obama still, like, re-upped Flynn's
security clearance and shit.
So, like, he wasn't out of that loop at all.
I don't know if you have the timing on that, right?
I thought the timing on that was the opposite, that he re-upped it a long time ago.
Yeah, because Obama had fired Flynn.
Yes, and after he fired him, he re-upped it a long time ago and yeah because obama had fired flynn yes and after he fired him he re-upped his security clearance like he was still allowed to
observe that so i don't it is a lot of confusing because it's hard to know who to
believe because everything like you get like three paragraphs into any article on any site and you're
like god like i can see exactly where you're trying to get me to go
like i don't know but regardless i i'm happier that donald trump is in there than if hillary
clinton was in there i see the russians flying off the aleutian islands of their 1950s style
bear bombers with with fighter escorts flying right off our coast and stuff and i can just
see hillary like escalating that and and like making that a global fucking
problem like a huge like i don't care that they're flying their 1950s bombers up there like
like hanging their dicks out like we give a shit like you've got the economy of italy and we know
it right like i i feel like there are some issues and i can't remember what it was but i've heard
you guys argue it maybe it was syria saying like we cannot allow
them to cross this line the bombing was a very good idea because oh it was that they use the
bioweapons i think on people and we were like if they they do that we had to destroy their airport
otherwise we look weak right but then you know the russians are flying fighter jets across from
alaska and it's like i'm so glad we're not overreacting to that.
I didn't say that. I thought the bombing in Syria
was a bad idea. I said it the whole time.
I didn't like that.
You can't respond to Russia the same way
you would respond to Syria.
There's a massive difference, right?
You've got the Assad regime
using chemical weapons against his own citizens
and killing scores of them right there in his own country
for the news cameras to see.
And you've got the Russians in international airspace
just flying military maneuvers that are threatening in a way,
but they're perfectly legal as far as international law is concerned.
It's just posturing.
And we have been doing it to them,
and they've been doing it to us since the 50s.
If that's the case and I'm on the same page,
really where I was coming from was
I find this to be complicated, and I never feel fully informed.
It's almost like every source
I read has a motive.
You know?
Shucks. The facts of
what we did to that airport. I have heard
people say it was just a wasted
thing. That airport was functional
the next day. We put some holes
in buildings and in
the airport itself like literally like
the tarmac and it was bullshit then i've heard people say we destroyed like millions or maybe
a billion dollars worth of planes we seriously impacted their entire air force like i've heard
both sides yeah i don't know what the truth is each side seemed to have a motive in their
description we definitely didn't hurt the the hurt the operational abilities of the airport, right?
And Trump spoke to this because Trump came out and they were like,
people are complaining because there aren't holes in the runway.
This is a military runway.
They have teams of people, he said, I didn't know this,
whose job it is to fix holes in their runway.
Like, there's a guy whose job is runway hole fixer.
And he trains to that holes and runways
Yeah, they have people and when he sees you drop that 1 million dollar bomb on his runway
He's like I got $50 worth of asphalt bitch get the shovel. It just doesn't care
so but the the munitions that they used from what I said the YouTube videos that I that I saw like are like airburst and
They're shooting lots of projectiles down from a height of you know 100
feet or something down on planes who knows how many planes we get who knows what kind of planes
who knows who really owned those planes it's entirely possible that we fucking paid for those
planes and like gave them to them and that gave them to the saudis and then the saudis sold them
to them like those are probably our goddamn planes for all we know i mean they're probably
russian migs or something like that i get like the whole feel like i understand like
when obama did like the red line of biological warfare like that does set a precedent of like
if someone's going to tease you at that you know if you've set a red line you have to abide by it
like to make sure that people respect you but i also there's something that just seems wrong
morally almost with being like all right we're going to jump in when it's biological stuff.
But if they did the exact same thing and killed twice as many people with just regular bullets.
We're fine with barrel bombs.
Well, we can't jump in there.
They used a barrel bomb.
That's not biological.
You know what I mean?
I do.
The people are still dead regardless.
And the barrel bombs are pretty awful too.
It's a barrel full of explosives and shrapnel
they're dropping from helicopters.
It's some shit that any of us could cook up
in our backyards. It's just a matter of hoisting
it up on a helicopter and dropping it on some fucking
civilians and that's what they're doing.
I remember Sean Spicer in the press
was kind of asking him
basically what we're talking about right now.
They're like, so there won't be
a response if barrel bombs are
used and he's like we are here to talk about chemical weapons they will not be tolerated and
they're like what about barrel bombs we're not here to discuss barrel bombs that's the right
answer though because otherwise they'd be like all right well then barrel bombs are in how about
just regular bullets are they less valuable because they got shot in the head with a
5.56 or whatever?
I hear you start making this crooked line that they're
not supposed to pass.
I don't care about those Syrian people anyway.
There's no reason for us to care about them.
We've covered this. They're not real people.
They're not!
We've got plenty of people here that we should be looking
out for. Think of all the veterans
getting screwed by the VA.
If you told me we...
It costs like $100 million to fuck up that airport.
If you told me I would much rather
if we spent that $100 million on some
underprivileged Canadian children.
Dude, do you know how many college scholarships that could be?
No, American children.
A million.
Oh, not a million.
I'm just thinking,
I'm going to say $100, grand gets you two scholarships right like you know that takes you pretty far and uh a hundred million
is that 200 scholarships maybe a hundred thousand two thousand two thousand scholarships
was off by two billion scholarships that's right almost one third of the humans on
earth could go everyone gets 50 cents enough money to pay for all of my homes for a thousand years
so i'll yeah i'm considering purchasing a fourth there's always better things to do anyway yeah i
just and it like it seems like all the trump news is bad and all of it seems to be big and bad to me, right?
Like I remember at this point in Obama's term, people were complaining like, oh, can you believe he bowed to an Asian guy, right?
Like maybe he bowed to the China guy or I forget.
It was Saudi Arabia.
Was it Saudi?
Okay.
Yeah, so he bowed in some culture where people bow and they're like, oh my god, I can't believe he fucking did that.
America is terrible.
What an embarrassment.
Or he took Air Force One to visit visit like it was like a tour it was like india and europe or
something like that and they're like oh my god we're spending so much money on obama visiting
foreign dignitaries like this is and it was just like i i feel like in those cases maybe i'm biased
you're fucking complaining about nothing right then with Trump it's like oh your
national security advisor
didn't disclose the fact that he was actually
a foreign agent paid to represent
the interests of Turkey and Russia
like these are big things
oh you're just Turkey
no because it was the
Russian PR state
owned news that also paid him to
Russia today
and Manafort I forget his exact Russian PR state-owned news that also paid him, too. Ah, Russia Today.
And Manafort, I forget his exact thing.
If you're using the media as a barometer, though,
I don't think it fully works because to pretend that the media treatment
of Trump and Obama is even vaguely comparable
is just not true.
I'm not talking about media treatment.
I'm talking about the actual things they do, right?
Like, Obama was actually for net neutrality.
I know, but that's partially influenced by the fact that Trump was for advertisers selling your private browsing data, Obama was actually for net neutrality, and Trump is against net neutrality.
Trump was for advertisers selling your private browsing data, what was previously private browsing data.
Trump is for financial advisors no longer having to represent the people they're advising.
In what world is that okay? These are just money doctors, right?
They're doctors for your finances, and now they no longer have to heal you.
That obligation is gone. That's one that strikes close to my heart to heal you like that that obligation is gone and like
that's one that strikes close to my heart i feel like that's the thing and uh like the list is that
they no longer have to or they can't be compelled to can you describe that again what it was yeah
so they're used because it almost sounds like like like let me try to present it in an unbiased way
it used to be a financial advisor right so you would go to them and you'd say,
this is my situation. This is my debt, my house, et cetera, my income. And they would put your
money in places like high risk, low risk, et cetera. They talk about your goals and your
retirement dates. And so basically they're telling you how to invest and they get paid for that.
So Trump made it so that they no longer have to represent
the person they're advising's interest.
And I'll explain both sides of it.
On one side, like the Trump side of it is like,
hey, this opened them for lawsuits.
They may have even had your intent.
You know, they may have had the best of intentions,
but they're getting sued because it didn't work out.
So we should just make it so that they don't have to, like, you know, you can no longer sue them for giving you bad advice.
On the other side of it is these people, when they suggest funds and stuff, often they're getting kickbacks.
And I've had this happen to me.
If I say, hey, Kyle, put your money in the S&P 500.
Well, no one gets paid for that.
If I say, hey, Kyle, put your money in the S&P 500,
well, no one gets paid for that.
But if I say, hey, this fucking Oppenheimer fund that you've never heard about,
I get paid every time I convince an idiot
to put his money there.
Now I tell Kyle to put all his money there
because I make more money off of it.
So when Trump says you no longer have to represent
your clients, that's the kind of stuff that can happen.
It sounds like he's also preventing...
It sounds like he's also... It sounds like he's also preventing... It sounds like he's also...
It sounds like he's protecting the guys
who give financial advice.
It's financial advice, right?
If it were a sure thing, they wouldn't work
in the business of giving that advice.
They would be in the business of using that
advice to make trillions.
I hear you.
That's the argument that I laid out.
Now they can't be sued if things don't go your way.
But it really opens the door for me fucking you on purpose because.
But won't the market get rid of the fuckery?
No, because it's complicated.
Those firms will lose business if it turns out that all of those financial advisors, like a whole firm of financial advisors.
Hey, this firm fucking sucks dick.
Everybody who goes, they have a horrible rating.
Everybody who uses them is not seeing returns.
Like I've heard about what you're saying here
and I do understand,
but it's also a way of preventing the hindsight's 2020,
you should have known better thing
where it's like, oh, this didn't pan out at all
and you invested my money badly.
You weren't acting in my interest.
And it's like, well, I was, it didn't pan out like you knew going in this is this isn't a surefire right so those people don't win
their lock their lawsuits right and and those people typically don't even make those lawsuits
it's it the really the intent was to stop them from advising you to put the plan in the wrong
place you know because i get the kickbacks that's what it's all about. The industry is filled with it. And it's just with financial instruments, just like medical stuff,
it is so easy to bamboozle other people when they're an expert and you're not, you know,
if you go to a doctor and you, I can't even tell if a bone's broken in an x-ray, you know,
I can in the most obvious of cases, but when they're like duh do you see that subtle gray shaded line no no i got i don't oh you did like when i the lozahn handbrake
thing some of the bones were slightly further apart than you'd expect them to be that was what
was really wrong and they had to like pin them together and stuff to make it dude i like i have
no idea if he's
seen to work because now i can hold a plate with that hand and i couldn't before but
but like that's not a thing that a layman could do and i'm telling you even at my level of
sophistication i can do that to people who don't know anything about money you know like that's
so i feel like i but part of it really is is like you he's saying that you have a right to do what's
in the best interest of yourself and the company you're working for so that's really what it is
at the end of the day right parallel to doctors though right like like you no longer have to
represent your patient like you no longer have to do what's good for your patient you can you
can line your own pockets and but it's not the same as that
like it would be the it would be the same as that as if like um a doctor was trying to give you a
surgery or something and they gave you the fucking wrong one that they thought you needed they were
like hey we we gave you an appendicitis surgery to save your life and it did end up saving your
life but we also you know fuck you know up your abdominal wall or whatever and they're like hey you fucking saved my life or whatever but that's not the
way i wanted it no what what would go down is like oh you know this guy has stomach pains you
know because he ate fucking cream corn and that doesn't agree with him but this is a good chance
for me to sell an appendicitis so i'm going to tell them that's what's really wrong fucking perform the surgery and line my pockets and that's that's a huge problem with uh medicaid and medicare fraud is
when doctors do that shit where they're like uh someone be like oh i have a tummy ache and they'll
be like oh we'll take you know three paper cups of water and two of these pills and take this Ziploc bag with you. I'm going to...
Lost Taylor for a second.
There you go.
Dude, I don't even know how much money... Decades ago, I used to own my own company.
It was a tiny little thing and I worked on networking and the independent businesses,
they don't know how to back up their own stuff and I just set them up, right?
Now all your computers share a printer and you have automated backups and things like that.
So these things weren't as widely known as they are today.
So one of the companies I work for, I don't know this for a fact, but I think that's kind of what they did.
They sold like medical devices, I think think to like fake car accident victims and
stuff like that and uh you know i'm just i'm just backing up data it's not my job to now
do the analysis but i'm just like i don't know about this whole organization it seems shady
as yeah like that's a thing that happens when you find i've known someone who works in like
medicare fraud like where they their job is to catch people who do that and they'll say it's
like they've they've said it's just like bananas how much money like when they finally do catch
someone like it'll be like you'll find out they've been doing it for 10 years and it's in the millions
and millions of dollars that they've falsely billed to the government for just bullshit nonsense like saline.
And it's almost like they say it's so crazy that they're like, how did you think you were going to get away with this?
It's like, well, you did get away with it for 12 years and you live in a dope house.
It's the Walter Frey thing.
It's too late to lose.
I already lived a great life.
Fuck y'all.
I guarantee
there's a smart way to do that.
Of course you could be an idiot and be like,
oh yeah, everybody gets an x-ray.
Just to add an x-ray to everybody
and get rich that way.
I bet there are innocuous items
that aren't necessary but could be...
If you ever got caught, you could be like,
well, this, this, and that.
It made sense. It just made
sense, and you could explain your way out of it.
But if you're just writing x-rays that never
happened to thousands of people for millions of
dollars, you're going to get caught.
Or just give them x-rays that you do give them, because
it costs them jack shit.
Well, that's what it all is. That's what the
fraud is to begin with, right? You're bilking Medicaid
for millions of dollars.
I just heard about a guy the other day who got caught doing this and it was millions it was like 15 million over
the course of a few years yeah it's obscene but trump's gonna fix it don't worry i'm sure
everything's gonna get fixed starting with syria you know people say just because the middle east
has been in constant turmoil for thousands of years that it can't be fixed in one term. Well,
it's a lot easier than people think it is.
Does he say that? He's like, I think
fixing the Middle East is a lot easier than people say
it is. All these people
complaining. The Jews and the Arabs not getting
along for thousands of years. You need three years
of Trump. Maybe five years of Trump.
Four months from now, he's going to be
like, you know what? The Middle East situation
is very complicated.
Nobody knew.
Nobody knew.
Turns out that this is complicated.
Speaking of which, have you ever considered slavery and the Civil War?
I mean, by God.
It's like we never talk about this.
No one ever asked the question why we did this.
People ask that question all the time.
It's very simply answered like you just say like well there it was a state's rights and slavery issue yeah there you there you go and
every new state there was a battle to see which side they landed on and then it had to be settled
um yeah i i to me every day is another like showstopper like like if there was a democratically controlled
congress they'd be pursuing him in such a way that he would get you know nixoned out but uh
with republicans it seems like they're in charge of all these investments like richard burr is you
know one of the top guys and he's laughably pro-trump so it's you know your best friend is the cop
chasing you you're fine yeah yeah he'll be okay i've been saying that all along trump's gonna be
fine i mean he's got he's literally got to like break some laws you know and we just haven't seen
that yet we've seen him be a fucking moron and irresponsible and embarrassing and well all kinds
of awful things but not not a criminal. Not yet
anywhere. We'll see. I don't think it's likely
that he fired
him because he's actually colluded
with Russia. And I also don't think he fired
him because he was just so
upset for Hillary Clinton
and just so sad about it.
It's like, no. Poor, poor
cricket Hillary wasn't treated fairly.
I really think i think that
things get under his skin easily and that one of the things i bet that pissed him off a lot
is when he came out with the the wire tapping stuff and comey didn't back him up with that at
all and was like yeah we uh we don't see what you're talking about here i bet that pissed trump
off bigly. Perfect.
Like, I really do think that kind of stuff gets under his skin.
And I think he ended up firing him here because he's so upset about like because in his head, he's like, I didn't do anything wrong.
Wrap this up. Get it done.
This is bullshit.
You know, but they he's like, God, like, can no one in that office just say like, hey, not right now, bud.
Like, this is like three months ago there's a
reason i think that so if you were to hear it from trump's perspective he says he really really
values loyalty right he wants people on team trump if you're disloyal that's that's one of
the biggest offenses you can have he kept manafort when things looked terrible because he was loyal
to the guy right and the loyalty is trump thing. But when you value loyalty that much,
you surround yourself with sycophants?
With yes-men and sycophants, yep.
Sycophants.
So he surrounds himself with sycophants,
which are people who are just like super fans,
undying, unquestionably fans.
And that means he's not getting the sounding board
that he needs to prevent some of these mistakes.
But in his head, he's just surrounded by loyal people. From the outside, he's surrounded by sycophants not getting the sounding board that he needs to prevent some of these mistakes you know but in
his head he's just surrounded by loyal people from the outside he's surrounded by sycophants
who can't tell him his ideas are bad and yeah really he he needs someone in there to be telling
him no and like at the very least prodding him on things and being like are you like let's play it
out you know you know that no matter what you do you're going to get a lot of heat from the media.
Do you think this plays well right now?
Like, just play it out in your head.
And in his head, I bet he was like,
oh, no, the Democrats hate Comey too.
We're all good.
Which is true.
The Democrats hate Comey too.
But still.
I think it's fair for the Democrats to change.
They hated Comey when he ruined Hillary's chances
of getting elected.
They started feeling like comey was pretty independent when he was pursuing trump and
his russian ties but it was more of like a it's a problem of his reputation at that point of like
he'd gotten so involved with hillary uh ending that investigation badly reopening it and then
closing it right before the election again without any good conclusions it was just like they've been nailing these democrats to the wall
saying like you know you didn't like him in october and now you seem to like him that he's
chasing trump and from like from my blue shaded lenses i'm like yeah that makes perfect sense
though right i i don't think it does because there were like maxine waters uh so many high
level democrats were calling for him to be fired like a couple of weeks ago.
And it really wasn't until this happened that they were like, actually, did you treat that out?
Trump tweeted out a compilation of Democrats calling for for Comey's job.
I saw that. Yeah. But again, they were all from like, you know, pre-election times.
Of course. They're from October of last year.
Most of them were from post-election because they all
were barely post-election.
Hot off the election.
And then the other thing, so Trump's gotten rid of
Comey for investigating
him. He's gotten rid of
Yates when she was
investigating him. And he got rid of that
New York Attorney General guy
Bartolo or something,
I forgot his name, because he was investigating him.
And it just seems like if you investigate Trump-Russia ties,
he fires you immediately if he can.
And that looks bad.
People will learn their lessons.
Yeah.
I mean, now that it's three, it's obvious.
It seems like this isn't, we're not jumping to conclusions anymore.
He's done it three times now.
I can't wait to see how
all this pans out. It's been entertaining as hell.
I enjoy it immensely.
I'm looking forward to, I wanted to do
one of those, I don't know what you call them,
when the president sits at his desk and addresses
the nation, maybe just a presidential address.
When they like, you know, it'll be like
prime time. All of a sudden, all the
channels are like, whoa, whoa, president's got something to say.
I want one of those from him.
I don't know what it would be or why it would be warranted.
It would probably play well.
I swear, anytime Trump reads from a teleprompter,
then
everyone's amazed that he didn't
just ad-lib word salad shit.
When he reads from a teleprompter?
It plays well in the press. When he did from a teleprompter... It plays well in the press.
You know, like when he did the State of the Union address.
It reads well. You can read
what he said well after the fact
and be like, yeah, this is pretty good because
somebody else wrote it. But as he's reading it,
it's like
someone who's reading something they haven't read before.
Because he doesn't know when
to emphasize the words.
And so the whole...icism becomes disjointed.
But like the State of the Union,
they were like, this is the birth of President Trump.
We've seen candidate and loose cannon Trump.
This is the birth of President Trump.
It didn't last very long,
but that's how the media reacted to it.
As he was running, as he was campaigning,
the media seemed to be really impressed when he didn't go off message, when he just was a little more restrained.
So I think if he did what you're doing, it would play well.
But like you said, I don't know what he'd be talking about.
He'd have to address the Russian thing or something.
Yeah, he needs to create his own news.
He needs to wag the dog here he's uh
the news is trump and trump needs to come up with some something else for everybody to look at um because because we just keep there's a lot of smoke and there hasn't been any fire necessarily
yet or not not the good kind of fire not like a smoking gun or anything and if that happens
fuck him you know get him out of there but until then i'm on board i like uh i like the entertainment i i didn't really care for a political system to begin with
i feel like i feel like it could use a little bit of like humiliation i feel like our political
system could benefit from a little humiliation a little bit of dragging through the mud so that
maybe next time around people are like look this is important you saw what happened when you didn't take it seriously like maybe that'll happen maybe that'll come of
this i one of the things that i was hoping would come of this was the democrats get rid of super
delegates right i feel like that is just outright blazing system rigging bullshit um yeah it doesn't
look good at all but almost like because the the Republicans didn't have superdelegates, we got Trump, who I predict is going to turn out to be a very unsuccessful president.
He might make a case for superdelegates sticking around.
Hell, the Republicans might throw him in.
And that's the opposite of what I was hoping would happen.
Yeah, look, good or bad president, he should be chosen by the people, according to me.
Yeah.
I was talking to Chiz last night.
I was like, this is a cool time to be alive.
The Donald Trump presidency is going to be
fucking poured over and looked at
150, 200 years from now,
and it's going to be like, what?
If we're still here and everything.
Well, depending on how badly he does,
it might be looked at a thousand years,
and that was the fall
of the americans i don't even know how to pronounce our name anymore regardless of um you know what
you think of trump it is undeniable that the russians played a role in getting him elected
right yeah he may or may not have colluded but everyone has agreed that the russians
you know worked with wikile leaks and and published stuff and they had
messages and they're apparently motivated to do it again for the midterms and uh like this is a
kind of thing that will be studied i think yeah and i don't necessarily think that that's a a
on the surface that seems like there is an evildoer putting up propping up an evildoer
when in reality it's it's another country who's
looking at our elections and knowing that if hillary wins it's going to be very bad for them
and if donald trump wins it it's an unknown and they preferred the unknown you had hillary talking
about a red line talking about a no-fly zone and talking about and of course their their their oil
business is a big deal to them and it was was going to cost them billions of dollars more, perhaps throw them into a war with the United States,
which, no matter how much blustering those cunts do, they do not fucking want.
It just wasn't going to go well.
And so, sure, a Donald Trump presidency definitely benefits them, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
We don't even know anymore 100% though because they were pretty upset when
we struck against Syria.
Oh yeah, I'm not talking about collusion.
I'm talking about like, look,
it's a binary decision if you're Russia.
Just like it was a binary decision for all of us.
I wasn't talking about the collusion either. I was meaning like
if Putin was like, this is going to be way better
and then he did that because they were
clearly very unhappy about that.
Oh yeah. It didn't last long. They're in the White House right now hanging out with Trump. gonna be way better and then he did that because they were clearly very unhappy about that oh yeah
i didn't last long right yeah they're in the white house right now hanging out with trump
yeah i thought that putin's reaction to our bomb in syria was like i thought he acts there i thought
it was i thought it was the weakest thing that they could have done and still like kept their
like you know international machismo or whatever you know they were like ah we didn't
like that at all but they weren't like oh we did we condemned this act in the united states as an
act of war and it will not be tolerated and there wasn't all that blustering and bullshit even they
do because they are i i get the un and nato mixed up occasionally as far as which one has treaties
that prevent this or that but i know that the russia is a member of uh of one of them
and and they are honor they are not honor bound but they are bound to uh to enforce the rules
against chemical warfare in the same way we are so they had no reason to be blustering and i
overreacted to that it wasn't like i did anything or even said anything but in my heart i was like
i thought it could be the start of World War III, the Syria bombing.
Because, dude, World Wars start over shit like that.
Like one leader gets assassinated.
One fake ship gets sunk.
Like wars start that way.
And I was like, us bombing Syria could kick it off.
And then you get different people condemning it, not condemning it.
I'm like, oh, we're choosing teams now, right?
We're choosing teams for World War III.
We chose the teams a long time ago.
The teams are already set.
They were news to me.
Germany's going to be on the right team this time.
Every time.
We might lose. They always lose.
Norm Macdonald has the best bit about Germany.
He's like, yeah, there's the Germans.
They declared war
against the whole world.
You thought it wouldn't have been close at all,
like a blowout, but it was close.
And then like 15 years ago, years later,
Germany declared war again.
This time against the world again.
And this time they were really close.
They nearly won again.
So you'd think that we'd be like,
all right, that's enough of you, Germany.
But no, we're just waiting on them to come back.
You'd think it'd be really close, but yeah.
Dude, hockey.
Hockey sucks.
I found a funny hockey joke that you will like.
You want to go first?
The only Russian with no influence in Washington right now is Ovechkin.
He's hurt.
I thought that was funny.
Dude, so the Blues are out.
Philadelphia and Raleigh, North Carolina, never were in.
The Penguins are still playing.
Hockey just sucks this year.
Like, there's nothing fun about NHL playoffs this time around.
I'm going to start watching NBA or something.
I'm pulling for the Predators because I like when we get beat by the team
that wins the cup because then it's like, well, what are you going to do?
Yeah, we actually got second.
It doesn't look like it, but it's true.
The worst thing that could happen is if Anaheim just butt fucks them
like four to nothing, and I'm like, God damn it.
We look like a bunch of assholes now.
Especially Chicago would look like assholes.
You loosened it.
Yeah. God damn it, we look like a bunch of assholes now. Especially Chicago would look like assholes. You loosened it.
Yeah.
It's like when you get the lid off the jar and the other person couldn't.
I really... Pittsburgh is going to ruin Ottawa.
That series is not going to be close.
I read an article that said it would be.
Really?
Well, I very much doubt it.
Possession statistics are not as good as other Stanley Cup winners' possession statistics.
And that the only thing they're really good at is scoring goals, but not so much holding the puck.
So this can't keep up forever.
Well, no one ever wants scoring goals.
No, I mean, the Penguins have been, they failed their way right past Columbus and then failed their way right past Washington.
And so we'll see if they can fail their way into the Stanley Cup finals
for the second year in a row.
Yeah, I can't think of a much harder route through the East.
Dude, that's definitely.
You paused for me there.
That pissed me off that Washington lost.
I wanted them to finally get out of the second round.
They've had Alex Ovechkin for like 11 years now,
and they haven't made it out of the second round.
It's just baffling.
Because the one team that always ends up ruining them is,
there's maybe one guy in the NHL, quote-unquote,
better than Alex Ovechkin,
and he plays for the team that keeps knocking them out,
Sidney Crosby.
That's got to be so frustrating.
Crosby sucks.
Malkin is the best player in the playoffs right now.
He is murdering it.
He broke the record.
He took the record from Fedorov for most goals in the postseason by a Russian.
Ah, Fedorov.
In far fewer games.
48 fewer games, yeah.
And he's carrying Crosby.
Just wanted to put that out there.
I was thinking Crosby was going to be out for a while
with that check to the head.
And then when he just showed up two days later,
ready to play, that was, I don't know.
As much as you don't like him.
Well, I was about to say you've got to respect him.
And I'm like, who the fuck am I talking to?
Of course you're not going to say anything.
There's no rule about that.
Kyle, UFC.
Does the UFC suck this year or what?
Yeah, man, it sucks big dick.
And I heard – so let me throw this out there,
and you tell me if you found something different.
Dana White said today that GSP versus Bisping was off
because GSP said he wouldn't be ready until November.
And Dana said something along the lines of November.
Like, who even knows if that's real?
It could be next year.
So screw this.
We're pushing forward.
Bisping and is it Yoel Romero?
Yes.
Yep, yep.
So if people don't know, GSP is this legend at the weight class below Bisping.
And he retired on top, you know, with the belt.
And after three years of resting and getting his head straight,
he's a little bit mental, apparently.
You know, he just worries a lot and comes from a dark place or whatever.
So he needed to take a break, get his head on straight.
And now he's coming back and he wanted to fight Bisping,
the champion of weight class above him.
He says he wanted this time to put on some muscle mass.
He's like, if I'm going to fight a guy 15 pounds heavier than me, I should take the summer to lift weights or something.
The thing is, he's been kind of honeydicking a return to the UFC for like a year and a half now, maybe two years.
And for him to say, I won't be ready until,
I've heard October and November.
Dana White is just like, fuck it.
Like, we don't even know what to make of you.
That's so far from now.
It's not like you want a training camp.
A training camp is 12 weeks tops.
You're asking for like a training half year?
Yeah, it's like a bulk session.
He's like, I'm going to become a different fighter.
Give me some time. Who needs 30 weeks to get ready for a fight dana's like forget it and when uh and apparently um when he does come back he's not going to get the fight he really
wants i imagine that these guys were just sort of like hard nose negotiating and dana always does
this you know he's like taylor and woody right, Taylor, will you fight for a dollar?
No.
Taylor doesn't even want to fight.
He's not serious about the UFC.
You know, like, I don't think his heart's truly in it.
And it's like, no, no, no.
I'm just trying to get more money.
I'm not backing down.
I want the fight.
I just want to get paid, too.
So I don't know what's happening behind the scenes with this whole business,
but my suspicion is that Dana would be happy to wait until November if the price was right on GSP,
and he just doesn't like the deal he's getting.
I want to see Conor come back.
I want to see him fight somebody.
They say Conor's fighting twice this year.
That seems hard to believe,
given that the boxing thing's pushed out until October, November now.
But Conor fights a lot,
so if he were to fight in October,
I'd totally see him fighting again in December.
I want to see Amanda Nunes fight.
I want to see her defend her belt.
I feel like those are the people we want to see
having fought in ages.
Mighty Mouse fought two events ago,
but of course he dominates anything and everything
that steps down to his little weight class. Yeah. Yeah,'t know it's been real shitty man um i i i'm looking forward
to the yul romero fight i guess if that's what's gonna happen i hope he beats up bisping takes
that belt somebody can fight has the belt then apparently cormier and john jones have a date to
fight but then like i'm really confused like they had a date but then cormier
who i probably pronounced wrong cormier is saying that jones hasn't signed the paper yet and then
dana has some problem making them in the main event because of trust issues with jones which
are totally valid and uh and then i i isn't that the one where uh i thought that cormier said like
the only way i fight john jones is if it's on the same
card as connor mcgregor i i don't remember i'm sure you're right but i didn't i think like you
want to and that would be a card now like you get you get jones cormier mcgregor i don't fucking
care ds3 like anybody like whoever you want right like like typically champs get a percentage of
pay-per-view so they all want to be on connor's
card right you could you could take demetrius johnson who never hits his pay-per-view but so
they don't get pay-per-view from dollar one they're like all right you get five percent of
every sale over 600 000 you know pay-per-view buys and then the guy like mighty mouse gets
400 000 pay-per-view buys and he he's actually, if I have my stats right,
he's never earned a single penny from his pay-per-view share.
But you put him on the same card as Conor McGregor,
all of a sudden it's a million buys and he has life-changing money.
And he has new fans.
Yeah, that's true too.
So I'm sure that was Cormier's approach.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He and Jones can carry a card.
Everyone wants to see that fight. It's been five years
in the making. And they're smart about promoting it.
They're constantly jawing at each other, and I
don't believe half of that's real.
I don't believe half of it's real. I believe some
of it's real. The quickest way to tell that two fighters
are just promoting and they have no ill will
toward each other, they have this standard response
where the talking head will be like,
well, it seems like you just don't like this guy, huh?
You just don't care for him. He's well i respect him as a fighter he's very technical
he's very good at this and then it's just and and they all they never know what to say they're just
like i just don't like him i'm on a different page i might be a sucker but i buy every word of it i
think they hate each other if i'm cormier i show up with something silly like a flip-flop and throw it at John Jones Jones not you know Jones was at the last fight he was
out in the crowd he's like he's like Jones better not come in the ring
there'll be another fight yeah like after the fight if Jones tries to come
in and be like congratulatory or like get a little camera time I'll whip his
ass fighters do that sometimes they like step in it like you made you just win
your big fight.
I come in.
I talk on the mic, and I say, face me next, and try to peer.
And Cormier is like, if he tries that shit, fight number two right then.
Double leg him right there.
Bruce Buffert's going to be the fucking ref for this one.
Let's go.
I'm going to prison over this.
Dude, I like Cormier in this next fight.
I don't know.
I could change my mind as I watch Jones and his training footage and Instagram videos and whatever.
But Jones was weak in his last fight.
He didn't look great against OSP.
And OSP is not considered to be a giant slayer or a dragon slayer.
And coming off of a drug suspension, right?
He might be clean for the first fight ever.
And Jones without steroids might not be Jones anymore.
And, oh, and it seems like last time he got into powerlifting
and didn't do well.
This time Jones is really into Brazilian jiu-jitsu.
And it's just like...
Hey, he's doing all these jiu-jitsu tournaments.
Yeah.
But he's changing the recipe but he's changing the recipe.
He's changing the recipe.
You know, like, dude, you win because you're really long.
You poke people in the eyes and you kick people.
You kick people at a distance where they can't hit you back.
Right.
He does that oblique kick, which like bend your knee backwards.
Um, push them away over there.
He does the oblique kick.
And then, and then when you get in close He doesn't punch because it's too inside his range
He elbows you in the face
He has a couple moves and they're brilliant
And no one could work with him
And now he's going to try to land rear naked chokes
On Daniel Cormier
He's as close to praying mantis style
As anybody will ever get in real life
That would be funny if you saw him come out and he'd
been doing some kung fu and like and like finally we find like the only person who's anatomically
capable of like of like making praying mantis style work and he's just like pecking him with
his hands and stuff i don't think jones trying these new things makes jones better i think he
changed the recipe of something that was the best we've ever
seen and he'll come back worse maybe he's adding stuff to his toolbox though right like like you'd
like to hope he's so young uh he's always seemed so talented I just don't like dirty fighters like
I could be wrong what if I told you that like Conor McGregor has been working on his jits for
the last two years and can't wait to try it against Chad Mendes.
I think what I would hear from that is there's two ways that that can go.
One, if Conor McGregor thinks he's going to come out
and impose his jiu-jitsu upon someone,
so his coach can be looking and be like,
yeah, yeah, the jits got him, right?
That's a recipe for disaster that you've seen played out repeatedly.
That's what Ronda Rousey did.
She's like, oh, I'm a boxer.
I'm going to knock people's blocks off.
It's like, no, no, no, no.
Keep your head low.
Keep your head low and take them down.
Keep your head low and take them down.
Head movement.
Head movement.
Head movement.
Head movement.
No.
They had the audio from Ronda Rousey's corner, Taylor,
and you could hear her coach in her corner as they watch her downfall.
There's like, head movement!
Head movement! And she's just like
one of those rock'em sock'em things that kids get
that just... She's just getting
worked over there. The weeble wobbles, yeah. Yeah, the weeble wobbles.
She's just weeble wobbling out there, getting boxed
around like Rocky in the
beginning of the movie.
When they finally realize that, I guess
she's like falling. At first, head movement is head movement head movement like i'm coaching you and then it's like
head movement head movement as a desperate plea and then finally it wraps up with no
so but yeah k Kyle's right.
Rhonda started adding a lot of boxing to her game.
She changed her winning recipe, and now she's getting clobbered.
That to me is what will happen to Jones.
Guys spend all that time with a new...
They get a boxing instructor to come into their camp,
or they get a collegiate wrestling guy, or a Greco guy, or a Sam sambo guy and that's their new flavor for the next 6 8 12 weeks and it gets in their head that like
oh this is a new kryptonite that i have that i can throw at someone when really it's that
that basic stuff they had in their toolbox toolbox that got where they are so stick with
i picture a scenario where jones sorry that's kind of cut you off. I picture a scenario where Jones three years ago would desperately get back to his feet if he's on the bottom.
Whereas maybe Jones next year or later this year thinks, oh, I've got some tools from down here.
And it's like, no, jackass.
You need to put yourself in a position to use what works, not your brand new armbar from the guard.
not your brand new arm bar from the guard.
It all depends whether
he gets overconfident and
whatever new stuff he's added to the toolbox
and wants to impose it upon someone,
force it to work,
or if he waits until it's time
to pull that out of the toolbox
and then inserts that puzzle piece where it's supposed
to go.
It's an interesting thing. That's why mixed martial arts
is so cool. We don't talk about hockey goalies learning a new technique and like oh yeah he's
he's doing it lefty this week let's see how it goes like it just doesn't have to be fair that's
only because you have they do you just don't know oh really sometimes like go watch clips from the
goalies in like the 1950s and 60s and they're standing there in their old shit and when the
puck goes they just kind of kick at it
and move. Now, those guys
are all over the goddamn place.
They used to just get a big guy who wasn't as good
of a skater. Now they get the biggest guy
they can who's as athletic as possible.
Like a Ben Bishop 6'8
kind of guy who is still quick.
And they play the butterfly style
so they go down on their knees more instead of playing the stand-up
style. It's my favorite thing about goalies. I like so they go down on their knees more instead of playing the stand-up style.
It's my favorite thing about goalies.
I like how they go down on their knees.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You want to rap right there?
Let's rap it right there.
Any post things, Kyle?
I don't think so.
I was having fun.
I could go all night.
We didn't even have to play a sound
alright I guess
never deny a request to end the show
so PKA episode
334 let it be known
I wanted to go for hours