Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #354
Episode Date: October 6, 2017This week on PKA, Tucker aka IIJERiiCHOII is finally back they talk about who would win in a fight, Tucker or Gal Gadot, street pooping in the lands of India and Alex Jone's takes over the show at one... point.
Transcript
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cunt
I think
thank you already episode
354 Kyle working on the demonetization
right out of the gate
Kyle
tonight smart mouth returning keeping us all
fresh and clean Dollar Shave Club movement watches
and lift so we'll talk about
those more each
more as we go along in the show there are links in the description
if you just cannot wait but yeah we got our
old friend Tucker back tonight hello yeah yeah Tucker There are links in the description if you just cannot wait. But yeah, we got our old friend Tucker back tonight. Hello.
Yeah, yeah.
Tucker, what are you up to? I hear you're globetrotting.
Yeah, I just got back
from Japan this weekend. I was there for
two days and that was a trip and a half.
So enough
time to really take in the culture.
Yeah, I mean, it was
look, it was my favorite trip I've ever done, even though
it was a short one. I was there for the Tokyo Game Show Expo, which was worthless, but, you know, an excuse.
And, yeah, I had a lot of fun there.
I mean, I was only in Tokyo.
So we did shopping and we did the, you know, eat as much food as possible.
But it's a cool place for sure.
And I'm definitely going back.
If I ever go, who's saying that?
Is, like, Tokyo Game Show game show like gaming in Tokyo or is it like those
Japanese game shows where it's like
you have to smell six people's assholes
and guess which one is actually the guy
no have you seen the pornos where the game show
is like there's just women's asses and pussies
sticking through a cardboard box
that's exactly what I'm referencing
that's what I wanted
no it was actual video games.
Although I will say that I only knew five or six games there.
And they were like the Call of Duty, the Monster Hunter.
The rest were like very Japanese, dating sim-esque, like Gundam.
It was weird.
It was awesome.
But it was definitely a cultural shift.
It was interesting.
Who sent you there?
Did someone send you there?
I went with Razer.
So they had a booth over there.
And yeah, just using an excuse.
So were you famous in Japan at a game expo?
No.
So we go to PAXs.
Or I go to PAXs.
And people will recognize you a couple times a day.
I got recognized twice. And, you know, people will recognize you a couple times a day. I got recognized twice.
And it was in, like, five minutes.
And it wasn't anywhere near the game show.
It was, like, we were at a Sega arcade.
And these, like, younger, really good English-speaking kids came up.
And were like, hey, how are you guys?
Like, good to actually run into you.
We knew you were here.
And I was like, okay.
Like, cool.
But other than that, no, flying under the radar it was really nice yeah at a shopping mall or something i am not
famous once in a blue moon some guy i'll tap on my shoulder at auto zone and say he used to watch me
but yeah that happened she was there and uh but like at a game show at least back in the day
like there'd be a crowd.
It'd take a while to get through the autographs.
And people would bring cool stuff like Xbox faceplates.
I was known, but only in a specific show.
I want to go to Japan and go to Hiroshima or Nagasaki and really rub it in a little bit.
really rub it in a little bit.
I want to go to that archway or whatever
that survived the bombing
and pose in front of it flexing with
a USA shirt or something.
Go to some of their more
respected temples and shit and give them
the bird or something with a shirt that says
never forget.
It's too hard for the grudge.
Let this be a reminder.
Look, first of all, I don't know how you just let that shit go, all right?
And second of all, they killed like 180 whales last week.
The Japanese are not our friends.
They're just sneakier than us.
I don't care about the whales much at all because it just doesn't enter my line of thinking.
I'd prefer the whales not be killed, but if they continue killing whales, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.
I care more about the whales.
Like with the World War II – I'm watching World War II in color on Netflix right now, and I'm learning way more about the Northern Africa part of it because that's kind of glossed over so much with what Italy did in Northern Africa and Egypt.
But when you hear about what the Japanese did, like live vivisection where you cut people open as they're
still alive just and and not even a lot of it was like dr mengela shit not even like real science
like hey i wonder what's gonna happen if we inject him with antifreeze uh he died he definitely like
oh did you think you were gonna cure something no we're just fucking around you want to see if
his blood's red that's a true level of evil
but to be like a scientist injecting you know prisoner children with antifreeze you're only
saying that because you're only saying that because nothing actually benefited but you know
i mean what happens like what if something could happen what if antifreeze like made you
breathe underwater or something you know you would have known if not for the japanese
that that is fair and and that for the Japanese. That is fair.
And that was the thing post... That is very fair. Fair point.
Very slim chance.
That was the thing post-World War II with Dr. Mengele in...
I think it was Mengele, with the Germans, the Nazis,
where people were like,
should we even use this guy's twin studies
where he would do stuff like inject one twin with something
and see how it impacted things?
And I think eventually people were like, well, all of this did happen and none of us are going to do research
like this so we may as well turn it to good if we can yeah you know one of the some of the things
that like it was unit 731 that that was the japanese group that was doing that horrible shit
and they would do stuff like you know freeze people they freeze you for like an hour and
bring you back and you know all right let's see if we can repair him. Ah, we can. Now we know how to repair
someone who's been frozen for an hour. Well, let's freeze him for two hours.
Get him in here. Alright, let's see if we can patch him up. And they would just
repeat that process on different prisoners, learning different techniques to help people who had been
frozen for varying amounts of time. Exposing them to yellow fever and malaria
and just doing horrible, horrible things to them
and then trying to repair it on human subjects
that were prisoners of war and should have been protected.
I don't think we were doing that to their guys, right?
Not that they surrendered that often.
That you know of.
That we know of, but it comes out, right?
It came out the other day that we killed a lot of...
The Americans killed a lot of
the guards at one of the
concentration camps. Machine gun
100 guards down.
We knew that shit.
Right?
The guards in the concentration camp?
They were just heartlessly mowed down?
Oh my god, that imperialist
American.
Good, if there's a group that deserves...
You know how they'll say...
They have interviews with German soldiers,
Nazis, who were just kind of in the regular
group, not the SS
or anything.
I honestly do believe they didn't know about
any of that shit going on.
They were never in those positions.
They were out invading. They weren't fighting a defensive
war. But the SS and guards in a tower, fuck them.
Like, that's ridiculous.
The excuse was really transparent, too.
The guard was like, they tried to run.
And it's like, wait, 131?
And you got all 131 of them or whatever it was?
Really good marksmanship.
Wow, you're amazing, man.
What are you, Rambo?
Like, no, they put them up against a wall.
And also what they would do
with the free Jews, they would
arm them. They'd give their
sidearms, their pistols over to these
free Jews and be like, you know, maybe
a few Nazis died tonight. Maybe
not. I like that.
Yeah, it's just kind of like
tearing in the tables a little bit.
Water under the bridge.
But those whales, on the other hand, I think deeply for those whales.
All right?
Like, I have this – the more intelligent an animal is, the more I care about it.
That's why I don't – so those whales and the dolphins and stuff like that, those marine mammals that have brains bigger than us and the elephants and stuff like that. I, I, especially,
I really don't like it when they're just,
you know,
killed like that under the guise of scientific research.
It's like,
what are they finding inside of a whale that needs to be researched at this point?
Right.
They did it for food.
Yeah.
I thought I was doing it for food.
They,
they,
they,
they lie and they're,
they're allotted a certain number per year for scientific research.
So they're just out there.
Oh,
scientific research. Pow. And like out there, Oh, scientific research.
Pow!
All right.
This will feed many people.
Research done.
They're just selling the meat.
I don't like the killing of the whales,
but I don't think about it too much
because it makes you sad when smart animals get killed
because I do discriminate against against animals
like if a squirrel dies i i can't even be bothered to care that thing didn't even know it was alive
more than likely like it didn't have self-awareness like if you put a mirror in front of that thing
it's like what i mean a dog does that too i'm always outnumbered in this conversation i could
be wrong because i've never been a squirrel.
Not even for a little while.
Thank you for the clarification.
Yeah, I'm trying to lay it out.
How do we know they're not self-aware?
Do they not plan for the
seasons and live several years
and...
Squirrels actually lose the vast majority
of those acorns.
They don't remember.
No, this is a real thing. They've done studies where they're like,
let's see where these fucking squirrels bury acorns.
And they do, and then they go back and check
because they're like, god damn,
this guy's going to have a feast.
How's he going to eat all these acorns?
They forget seven out of ten of them.
That's why they're burying them all over the place.
I don't know, that sounds a little like
being in my socks. I mean, I forget where I put my keys. That sounds a little like me and my socks.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
I couldn't find my computer today.
I feel like I should judge.
It was the pantry.
Anyway.
If there's a lot of them, they can die.
You know, like one or two.
I don't care if you hit a squirrel with a car.
It's okay.
Not at all.
How do we know that squirrels don't have any self-awareness?
What is it called? They use it in Star Trek a lot.
Sentience, maybe?
But how do we know that squirrels
have nothing going on in their heads?
They're still burying acorns in the ground.
If they were smarter, they wouldn't be doing that.
Meanwhile, those octopuses
off the coast of
Australia are building
cities. They're building little octopus
cities. They're building little octopus cities.
They're piling rocks up around the perimeter and making little living quarters and shit.
When the squirrels start building little
Ewok-style huts up in the trees
and throwing rocks down at invaders,
I'll get on board.
Squirrels plan for seasons, though.
That's an individual thing.
They don't have a calendar.
Plants fucking plan for seasons.
What the fuck? they don't have a calendar plants plants fucking plan for seasons like
i mean okay they kind of do but i feel like they don't have the same consciousness in their
and this to me is just like the tip of the iceberg with regards to the
animals are dumb like statements that kyle and taylor have made and again i'll reiterate
i'm not sure they're wrong i'm just not sure they're right you know like like oh yeah fish don't feel pain how are we sure about that one you know fish do
feel pain you care yeah i'm such a thing about it is i was i was fishing like six months ago or
something and and we were in a lake of the ozarks caught one. Or no, this was fly fishing a few years ago in Oregon.
And the guy that we were, our guide,
was like the biggest like softie for fish ever
to the point that he was like,
and when you catch one and you're getting, you know,
the photo with it,
make sure that your hands are really, really wet
and you keep wetting them so that, you know,
that fish, it'll feel, it'll burn the fish
if you touch it with dry hands.
And like, there were times like my dad was going to take a picture of me. He's like, can you get your hands wet burn the fish if you touch it with dry hands. And, like, there were times, like, my dad was gonna
take a picture of me, and he's like, can you get your hands wet? Get your hands wet.
Please get your hands wet. And it's like, settle the fuck
down. Like, you're not letting me keep this fish
anyway. It can handle a little burning while I get
my photo, and then I toss it back.
Yeah, exactly.
I didn't care for that, where it's like,
man, there are so many animals to care about more
than fish. She said plants feel pain.
Now, I read that that smell you get from mowing the lawn is warning the rest of the grass of its impending doom.
It does a real good job, doesn't it?
Some of my grass remains uncut, huh?
Yeah.
Well, different plants do different things, and there's no defense against a lawnmower blade, of course.
They're not like, get the metal rods up.
I got a new mower today.
What they will do.
Oh, we'll have to talk about that for an hour.
At the one hour point, we'll finish the show with it.
One plant is damaged in various plants, not just grass.
It'll release that chemical to warn the other plants.
And the other plants will do various different things.
Sometimes they'll release a chemical into their leaves that make them taste bad. And which makes me wonder why aren't they always doing that?
Oftentimes they'll like draw like the liquids down to the roots and they'll concentrate on like pulling the nutrients down to the roots where it's
protected. It's sort of a defense mechanism. It's not like they're going,
LOOK AT THAT THEY'RE COMING!
It's not quite that and so plants are stupid, fish are stupid. If nothing else, just look at the size of their brains.
It seems like the bigger your brain, the smarter you are.
Elephants, we think of, is incredibly intelligent.
When you see elephants interact with one another, the way they like, you know, like the little one falls and everybody, oh, shit, little Billy fell.
And they're like checking him out.
Like there's some serious awareness there that you're not going to see among the squirrels.
The squirrels see a little squirrel fall and they eat it what about crows crows have tiny brains but they can
like they like literally can do multi-step problems something like get a stick to open this to do this
you know that's true octopi also very small brains compared to like you know land mammals so but i'm
with you i don't it just seems intuitively that the size of your brain would be tied into how smart you are.
And humans have pretty big brains compared to their body size.
Yep.
But yeah.
That's the thing.
It's more like that.
That is a true.
Octopuses predict the World Cup very smart.
Is there ever a case for octopuses or is it always octopi?
Both are correct.
No.
Yes.
Get out. Octopuses can be said just like octopi? Both are correct. No. Yes.
Octopuses can be said just like octopi.
It just makes you sound like a buffoon a bit, I think.
What is a colo... Octopuses.
Chiz says octopuses is more correct.
It is.
Now we're getting crazy.
The standard English plural of octopus is octopuses.
However, the Greek plural form is octopodes.
Oh, that's what I go by. What's a group of ox? Oxopuses however the greek plural form is octopodes oh that's what i go by what's a group
of ox ox in the woods oh uh what you yeah in the woods is it brian i saw him live fucking hilarious
uh oh kyle you were saying that like them releasing the warning thing yeah like grass
one thing i was i was reading that that like the what that scent
does that grass releases is it calls in like it's not meant to stop steel blades obviously because
nothing's going to stop that but what it can do is if the grass is getting ravaged by a bug that
scent attracts bugs that feed on the bugs that feed on grass yeah and so it's like it's calling in
reinforcements because like you said the grass if it was just like saying look out like that
would be almost like douchey like why would you tell me like i'm gonna find out i can't move
i'm grass but yeah that makes a lot of sense i in the end i only care about the animals that
that have like obvious intelligence when i see the whales and and the marine mammals in particular
apparently orthopods the uh elephants elephants stuff like that i don't give a shit about fish
i don't fuck them all when i hear people like like we've gotten this super politically correct
like like post-modernism culture where like people are defending the sharks they're defending the
goddamn sharks we need another another Jaws movie.
Spielberg needs to get back on that.
There was a time when we were afraid to go back in the water,
and for good reason,
and we were hauling those things out of the water left and right.
I don't care if it's the apex predator.
I don't care what happens to the ecosystem.
Fuck sharks.
Fuck sharks.
I can't agree strong enough with you.
What happens to the ecosystem?
It thrives.
I grew up in
St. Louis, far from
any oceans. I still remember I saw
Jaws when I was seven. For
two weeks afterward, I would run
through my hallway to get to my bedroom because
I couldn't stop imagining that giant shark
face just lunging out of a bathroom
somewhere. Or maybe it got into the sewer
and got... Like Chevy Chase.
It doesn't need to be... Chevy. It's a land shark. Hello
I'm a lovery. Have you guys been done the tour where the actual shark from the movie comes up at you? Yeah
It is so disappointing
Animatronics ever they're like this is the real one and I'm like, huh? Yeah, it looks pretty bad and it like breaking down
You're like, great.
And by the way, so you're on a little train,
a little trolley car type thing with six cars.
And like it jumps up and scares a car and then jumps up and scares the next car
and jumps up and scares the next car.
And I'm there like,
how do these people not predict what's about to happen?
You can see it's got one, the car's one, two, three.
If you're in car four guess
what's coming and and and like tucker nailed it it is so disappointing you take away the shaky
cameras some big jump scare music and such there's nothing to it yeah yeah the the thing that made
jaws so frightening was the fact that the animatronics didn't work and and so you only
see the shark very briefly, like four times
in the whole movie. That's what made that movie such
a huge success. That and that wonderful
score.
Just building the tension.
I don't know. Probably
John Hughes, maybe. I don't know.
But it's wonderful. It's wonderful.
I re-watched Jaws the other day. It's excellent.
Also watched Jaws 2 and 3.
Might want to skip those. Might want to skip those. It's a little absurd. I put on Jawsaws the other day. It's excellent. Also watch Jaws 2 and 3. Might want to skip those.
It's a little absurd. I put on Jaws 3 the other day
just as a background show.
Usually I can sit through bad movies
in the background while I'm doing something else,
but it got a third of the way through and I'm like,
what am I doing? I'm actively dumber for sitting here
letting this feed into my brain.
So I turned that off.
I like when Roy Schneider's making the cyanide bullets.
That actually made a little bit of sense to me.
I was like, ah, maybe that'll do something.
And then he just caps them all off at some bluefish or whatever.
It seems like at the end of Jaws 3,
for some reason the shark jumps out of the water
so that the old lady can harpoon it with a boat mast.
It's absurd.
It's just absurd.
Yeah, it's like it wanted to die.
Yeah, it's committing suicide because all of its family had been murdered. It's kind of's like it wanted to die Yeah it's committing suicide
Because all of it's family had been murdered
It's kind of poetic
I guess so
That kind of wraps it up nicely
Yeah but fuck sharks
But also fuck sharks
Sharks and crocodiles
Anything that's existed as the exact same thing
For like a million years
We need to do a better job killing it off It's too good We've only been here for like a million years needs we need to do better job killing it off like
it's too good you know like we've only been here for like what 10 000 20 000 years uh or 2 000 years
you know i mean uh so i i like the way tucker's thinking he's trying to like balance this game
he's like alligators are op sharks are okay they're too good at the game they like get rid of
them yeah but humans are not OP.
We just got here.
We've only been here for 200,000 years.
That's not even ever since we made Civilization.
That's when we were...
I meant like apex humans.
I'm not talking about actively making the world
shittier humans.
For a couple hundred thousand years
we've been working on that.
You know,
there's some theories that talk about many of the mass extinctions, For a couple hundred thousand years we've been working on that.
There's some theories that talk about many of the mass extinctions, especially in North America.
Because North America was like the African savannah at one point.
It was just full of these gigantic animals.
I think they were anteaters?
No, no.
What are the things with the shells on their back?
The little armadillos.
There were those enormous armadillos whose shells were big enough that people could make a shelter out of them
like a little armadillo teepee
we just killed all those fucking things so there were no more
well yeah we needed teepees
yes so
we started making out of bison and we killed all them too
yeah like that's what happens
every time there's a really convenient animal
that helps it's like look at this fucking
sloth it has utensils for toes it's like oh well I guess kill it and lop them off you know we're all no
more chopsticks for this side of the world like and then before you know it it's done that's another
thing i don't like about the japanese like they haven't figured out the knife and fork and spoon
yet they're still over there with those two goddamn sticks let Let me. I could not use chopsticks
for the life of me.
Eating rice with chopsticks is so
stupid until I realized
that everything that they make
is centered around using two sticks.
Like chopsticks. So the rice is super easy
to eat with chopsticks because it's sticky as fuck.
But everything else, yeah.
Why not use a spoon for this soup?
It seems a lot easier. It's like no
Yeah, I
Mean honestly the way I feel with like the Japanese and the Chinese with their chopstick
Nonsense is that they were right on the cusp of being like alright clearly forks have won this battle this duel
That's better. And then we made fun of them so much
that they're like,
no, it is not because yours are better.
We don't want it.
It is culture.
Or like that kind of thing.
And so they've doubled down on chopstick usage
almost out of not wanting to admit
that our solution's clearly better.
Why would you not want a shovel-like implement
to shovel food into your fat Western mouth?
And they have shovels.
They have shovels. If they were out in the
field with two pool cues digging around,
you'd be like, I guess they haven't figured it out yet.
That's not the fucking case. They got
shovels and pitchforks.
He helped me get to this rock with the stick.
Fucking heat is dripping.
Most of those millions of people that they massacred
when they went across China,
they did with shovels and
bayonets because they didn't want to waste bullets they're no they're no stranger to the shovel or
the knife i don't know what their problem is they can't maybe shovel like what weapon did the chinese
people have like frowns they were they were a step behind on the civilization tree at that point so
like and they were just going through cities and you know china had to be a good military and they needed the rubber and the oil and everything and you know they came in
there with machine guns and stuff and just raped and pillaged and murdered and killed millions and
millions of chinese now you know because it's called the rape of nanking it's hard to to
underscore how horrible it was but i had been underestimating how bad the rape of Nanking was when I watched this thing and they're like the Japanese
Indiscriminately slaughtered the Chinese of Nanking for the next
Seven weeks and like seven weeks. They just hung out and murdered people and just hundreds of thousands just
Bayonet like
Just ruthless
Ruthless shit that didn't happen anywhere else in the war.
It's like that scene in the new Rambo movie,
the most latest Rambo movie from 2009, 2010.
It's just called Rambo, I think, or maybe John Rambo.
I don't know.
But it's like old John Rambo, and he has to go into Cambodia
and get Dexter's girlfriend, the blonde chick.
He's got to get her out of harm's way.
And there's a scene where the military forces there
come in and just destroy a village
and they're bayoneting babies
and then flicking them into the burning huts
and flamethrowing people alive and stuff.
It's like that kind of shit was going on.
It's really disgusting.
World War II is one where you can be like,
yeah, there was a good side and a bad side there, clearly.
This is not ambiguous at all.
And the Japanese were on the bad side. So yeah this this is not ambiguous at all and the japanese
were on the bad side so yeah i want to go over there and you know rub their face in a little
bit and like uh learning how mussolini like i guess motivated hitler and like how he got power
it was so not like what i thought like i thought it was much more calculated but it was really like
mussolini led a big revolt and a bunch of violent threats and
then the uh head of the italian government at the time was like all right we don't want a war going
out i'm going to appoint you chancellor just so everybody's happy you know your your party's
represented no war and as soon as he becomes chancellor the first thing he does is outlaw
all other political parties and fire everyone else in the government who doesn't want to die
and it's
like jesus christ like that was a quick transition you got a thing auto playing over there oh my god
the hill is a joke that's the third time i've paused an autoplay on that website welcome to
cnbc that thing will fire up an hour and a half later if you leave that page you're like i've
had this tab open for like an hour and a half
because I open up all the topic potential tabs
and that's right before the show.
Kyle said to turn that off.
Have you guys paid attention
to Myanmar? Is that how you pronounce it?
Myanmar.
That's actually the new
name for Cambodia, I believe.
That's where that Rambo movie happened.
I didn't know any of that is that true yanmar burma yeah okay burma it's right north of thailand um yeah apparently it's it's terrible and it's shocking to me like hindus and buddhists
are doing all the killing which is typically not a violent group and muslims are the big victims which is yeah who's pushing muslims how the tables have turned
oh let us let america sweep in and save them no no why doesn't saudi arabia go in there and save
those poor muslim people who are being massacred why why not what's going on in myanmar i don't even know uh about laid it out there i guess
it's been going on for at least a year now uh the the majority of the population if i have this right
is buddhist or hindu or something and they're trying to drive the muslims out it's like a
genocide you know it's it's a legit genocide tons and tons of people are dying and uh their political leaders just kind of deny you ask
them about it and they're like yeah i guess there is something going on in that part yeah
that's an issue for another day you know yeah they just like like you can't get them to really
discuss it or anything i've seen a couple interviews and and they just kind of like
brush it aside and change the topic to be like highway tolls or something stupid and meanwhile they're like legit massacring
like 15 of their population so i i don't know are you speaking of people that aren't real people
puerto rico so i was torn on this thing right because the point we go they got hit by the hurricane and it's like
a terrible disaster there i guess they're out of power um and and i've read that they're going to
be out of power for months now i read that like two weeks ago so there could be some updates
but uh like they're it's it's a real disaster you know it's one thing to be out of power for
eight days or something and that sucks but they're like man you know we're pretty much starting over again with the power situation here
they're not eligible for lots of kinds of aid because they haven't been keeping up their power
like infrastructure they've been doing a poor job so i guess somewhere built into the federal code
is you can't just like slack off let all your stuff go to shit and then wait for a
hurricane to come and get brand new power everywhere so that's an issue and they're they're looking for
lots of aid and i get that they're american citizens i keep hearing this reiterated yeah but
i was like do they pay taxes you know because that's like to me kind of a big part of being
an american citizen yeah choose is wrong. So they pay social security
but they don't pay income tax.
Which is
wrong.
I didn't know that.
Corporate tax.
He's wrong about Florida.
No, we're talking about federal income tax, not state income tax.
The big thing,
the thing that I pay more of than anything else,
social security and stuff, that's all an irritant.
It's the income tax that is the bulk of my taxes.
And in Puerto Rico, you don't pay income tax.
So there's a piece of me that's like, so what kind of aid do they get?
I feel like they're not Texans here.
They haven't been paying
into this uh what is it fema are they the bf fema right emergency management yeah they haven't been
paying into that for the last 20 years like you know florida did and texas did and new jersey did
and new york did when sandy was around uh they just don't pay into it and then a hurricane hit
them and now they've got their palm out and they're people i don't pay into it, and then a hurricane hit them, and now they've got their palm out. And they're people.
I don't want them to die, and they're citizens, so it's not like they're Haiti or something, and this is all voluntary.
For those of you who didn't notice, Woody did air quotes when he said people, just so the nod to you.
He did say people.
Did I do that?
I don't even know.
No.
But, yeah, so they don't pay income tax.
That's a big thing for me.
I get that they're part of America, but that's where – like insurance.
You can't just not have insurance your whole life, get hit with a hurricane, and then put your palm up and say pay me.
Maybe now is the time to like obviously take care of it federally, like fix everything, and then impose like a, alright,
that's the last, you know, three
strikes and you're out. Now you gotta pay income tax
or something. But for now, we gotta get
it taken care of. There's millions of people without power
and it's, like, you gotta do it. Maybe that's
the approach to take. You're like, alright, you know,
I see you guys are looking for some help.
After this, we're gonna be
paying income tax, right? Chiz is putting
it in here like he's right.
Taxpayers in Puerto Rico pay all federal taxes
except income tax generated on the island,
which is your fucking taxes, right?
Which is the overwhelming majority.
I said they paid Social Security and Medicare,
and they pay less in Medicare,
but they get less in Medicare.
It seems fair somehow.
But they don't pay income taxes, which is like a thing.
So what do you think the answer is to do with those greedy Puerto Ricans as you often put it?
I love Taylor's thing.
Like, look, we'll pay it forward.
What you're not looking for is recovery.
You're looking for a loan.
That we can do.
So we're going to fix your place.
We're going to put in new power lines, big sparkly poles and shit what about this would you support would you support a system where the
federal government seized properties in puerto rico and then sold them to actual american citizens
as you put it to actual people i don't miss it i'm sorry actual they are american citizens
please get the quote right yeah i'm sorry. Actual human beings.
That's right.
Silly me.
And use that to get the power back on.
And then the Puerto Ricans who formerly owned their homes would now pay rent to American citizens, humans like you, Woody.
Yeah.
If we're going to take a step on the serious side, I really like Taylor's solution.
Like, all right, let's rebuild this place.
And then afterwards, maybe you join the system
and pay into it like everyone else does.
I think that makes sense.
Yeah.
All right.
Just make them a state.
And then add them to the flag.
Let's get 52 on there.
I don't like 52 because it's not going to look right.
It won't look right.
All right, well, let's just add Dave Warren.
Did you say that?
Oh, we're throwing Guam in there?
Yeah.
The solution to this.
The American Samoas, what about them?
I'm okay with the American Samoas.
They gave us the rock, okay?
The only way to do it, I think, is you have to make Puerto Rico and Guam states,
and then you split California into a few different states,
and then maybe turn Texas into two different states,
and then conquer three other places,
and then you got a cool 60.
And then you change the flag.
But until you get to a nice round number, there's no reason.
We've already said that if you conquer the northwest part of
mexico the wall can be shorter right because you just sort of cut off the baja california part yep
yeah i'm saving trillions in wall costs
the texans the texas people know how to do this they get on their horses
alamo 2.0 like get get wait wait Maybe Alamo is not the model we're trying to cover.
Yeah, I feel like Alamo is not the correct model here, guys.
You guys don't know how wars
are started. We need another
Alamo if we're going to be able to get
public support behind driving a couple
million Mexicans down.
Kyle, that's so 1800s.
You just lie now. Just pretend
someone sunk a boat or something.
They're walking to Vietnam.
Yeah, honestly, that's way easier. Why can't we now just pretend someone sunk a boat or something they'll walk into vietnam yep yep yeah yeah
honestly that's way easier yeah why can't we just make rhode island like fuse with connecticut like
we got a lot of worthless states in the northeast they're just kind of there to exist like rhode
islands what does that contribute you can see that as they were actually planning the country
with like the northeast like all the little states and then as they get further
east or further west rather you can see them be like if we keep the states this size this is going
to be bananas like we gotta we gotta make a big square in there just like yeah yeah it's like
birthday sign and you have to change the sizes of the letters like that people live there there's
like universities of higher education there's a
lot of good stuff happening in those why don't we just take wyo north south dakota and make it a
state right and probably still have a smaller population like what is there like 300 000 people
that live in wyoming like half a million yeah half a million right so that's less than like a majority
of these cities like just yeah washington dc has a bigger population great then yeah let's sell it off to canada and oh but it's way prettier than washington dc
like there's so much shit to do there we're gonna need that space when we start bloating and turning
into the next you know india population boom you know we're gonna be thankful for montana and
wyoming we're not no nobody's gonna be thankful for montana Wyoming. We're not. No. Nobody's going to be thankful for Montana or Wyoming.
You know why we're not going to have a population bloom?
Because we're happy.
The population blooms happen in...
Once people start focusing on their education and their wealth building
and the stuff that happens in first world countries,
they don't have kids until they're like 30.
It's expensive as fuck.
I don't want a kid. That like 30 as fuck i don't see that thought
process doesn't enter some indian mind with 12 children or nigeria is a better example you know
where they're just like populating like crazy well we gotta somebody's got to work the field
you know somebody's got to go out there and do the hard work that was bad phrasing
but i mean like somebody's gotta you know if three of them are gonna die real quick you need
the other seven to pick up the slack.
I literally thought you were suggesting that we bring them here.
Oh, wow.
You just came up with a brand new idea.
Has anyone ever thought of this before?
You're saying that there's an overpopulation in Africa and we could ease that bloating that they have by capturing a bunch of the children and bringing them over here to work the fields.
Why has no one ever thought of this before? Some guy named did it the tucker plan i love it why have we forgotten about it it was 20 it's been five years we need to stop him he's still
ravaging that that bastard is still running around in the congo wearing you know uh the the wrong
winner of the super bowl t-shirts and fucking San Francisco Giants 2015
MLB champions.
Is the guy that made the video
still on an LA street corner
masturbating his stress away?
I thought that was his shit, yeah.
I hope so.
Oh my God.
Will of DC,
if you somehow see this,
I totally trusted you.
I totally trusted you
when you made that video defending Cody.
I used you as my source
when I fact-checked it
and I defended Cody in a video as well. when you made that video defending coney i used you as my source when i fact checked it and and
i defended coney in a video as well then and i defended the the guys on the other side of it
he's like this thing is real i uh they went to my high school it was what invisible hands or
something this is not a scam money etc so i saw that made a video that like echoed it and i and we were both very wrong
yeah i remember when that was such a big thing that's so funny i made a call of duty commentary
with stop cody 2012 as the title and it got like 400 000 views and this was you know in 2012
yeah it was a hot topic and then i privated the shit out of that like a month later i was like oh i was wrong there huh i got hate on my video because i made a coney 2012 video without gameplay it was just
the backdrop of what their expenditures and their uh their basically what they spent was it is
and i was like honestly like i wish i wish this this was better but these people aren't spending
any money on anything but dvds and t-shirts and
so many people at the time were like they're just trying to do a good thing taylor and like six
weeks later like comments would be like yeah it turns out kind of kind of overblown huh
so you haven't requested a review on it huh i think i'm going to avoid requesting yeah
are you are you like god shy about which ones you request review so if you get demonetized a review on it, huh? I think I'm going to avoid requesting a review on that one. Are you
like, god-shy about which ones you request
reviews? So if you get demonetized,
are you like, they've got a point on
this one, I won't do it. Or you just ask for it
all over the place.
So I, here, if there,
I don't even want to say this out loud in case
I jinx something, but I
have only
30 videos that are requested for demonetization.
And the most recent one is 2016.
And then before it, it's 2015.
So I have no new videos, knock on wood, that have been requested for demonetization.
I have a series called Shitty Cooking.
Shit's in the title.
Shit's in the thumbnail.
So I will, for the life of me never understand why
somebody doing a like a candy review gets their video demonetized i on the other hand am fine
that's great it is great i mean it is it's wonderful to not are you a managed channel
do you think that protects you i don't actually know uh i have not changed CMSs for ages. But I mean, to be frank, if anybody's getting demonetized for language, it would be me.
So I don't know.
Who knows?
Don't change it.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I got demonetized last week.
But then I requested review and it came back.
I don't know.
Things usually when I request review, I win.
And then I still don't get any money.
Oh, yeah.
Because you already got the boom going.
Yeah.
We'll monetize it now. And then I make like't get any money. Oh yeah, because you already got the boom gone. Yeah, we'll monetize it now
and then I make like 30 cents or something.
I haven't looked at it, but that happens.
Well, my CPM is still not good at all.
So it's not like I'm sitting in here
with like a $10 CPM like,
oh, pity me guys.
I'm totally getting hit with this.
It's just like, eh.
Can we watch this clip of Lawrence O'Donnell flipping the fuck out?
Because I love these. That's a Chiz
question because I'm not producing it tonight.
Yes.
Chiz says yes.
If you scroll up a bit in the chat,
it's right there.
Oh, it's eight minutes long?
Maybe this is like the same thing
over and over.
We'll watch a couple of these.
Trump Nation. 41,000 subs. watch a couple of these. Trump Nation.
41,000 subs.
Take a long look at your future liberals.
Can we read comments today?
Oh, no.
Oh, this guy.
I love a good YouTube comment chain.
Do you want to watch?
Kyle, what's your strategy for this?
Do you want to watch all eight minutes?
No, I just want to watch the freak out part like the part where he's like ah and like slams on the
desk and screams stop the hammering what do you the hammer thing oh i did see that i only saw the
joking of it like i i guess someone edited in his own voice and like pretended to be the guy in his
ear yeah it's uh he really lost his shit.
But I don't think you can blame him.
When I saw Bill O'Reilly flipping out,
you can tell he's not just being an asshole.
He's just frustrated that we're at the last minute
on our multi-million dollar show
that's about to go out to 10 million viewers
and we're fucking up right now and it's not all my fault.
What do you mean?
Play out the sting.
What does that mean?
What does it mean?
Fuck it.
We'll do it live.
He's just losing his shit.
And I like to see that it's a liberal host this time doing it.
Because before it kind of looked like only conservatives would lose their shit and go crazy.
Those are the only two news ones I know of are the Bill O'Reilly one and this one.
Are there other good freak outs?
Alex Jones?
It didn't get any attention.
But today I saw...
Those are all freak outs though.
It's MSNBC.
There's the short blonde haired guy and Joe Scarborough.
Mika and Joe Scarborough?
Yeah, Mika Kaczynski, I think.
I was watching today. He was trying
to like, you know,
say three things and lead everyone
to a particular spot. And she was
interrupting the fuck out of him
and uh he went bonkers at some point and was just like i'm trying to do a thing here
which is and then she's like interrupting that i'm like is she just fucking with him at this point
like i can see that he needs 30 seconds to lay something out and they're not giving it to him
and then i could probably find it but it
was awful i can't watch any of those talking head interviews or shows on like real network tv news
like because they give them no time and nothing gets solved and the person who knows that they
can't win the argument just talks over the other person loudly anytime they start to make a point
because they know hey i've got 90 seconds to run down the clock all i have to do is smile and
pretend like i don't know i'm being an interrupting cunt and then but the end i can go well at the end
of the day it's just important to be respectful thanks so much for having me on and then that
stupid nonsense like it's frustrating everybody doesn't matter if you're like liberal or it's just
everybody does it and it's so infuriating.
There's an exciting change. It's like trend that I've noticed lately.
It's when the anchors don't let the guests lie.
Right.
So they'll just flat out say something that's not true.
And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I want to stop you right there.
That's wrong.
And they're like, well, like they disagree that it's wrong.
And they're like, no, that's wrong.
It's demonstrably wrong.
I can't have you come on
here and start lying to our audience don't lie to our audience and you're it's like whoa that
didn't happen five years ago five years ago it was just like well you know you think the planet's
warming up and and i don't so it's a made of tomato was that one like msnbc i i remember the
the clip that i think you're talking about where he had to say it four times.
A trend. I just saw Don
Lemon do it a few days ago. I'm not
a big Don Lemon fan, but he did do
it and I just noticed
and I don't want to go bonkers here,
but it seems like it's usually the guys
on the right who just fly
in the face of science and such.
And when they say something that's just
flat out indefensible,
now they call them on it.
Say, no, no, you can't just say that.
You can't come on here and lie to everyone.
So that's a new trend.
I think it's cool.
I got a time stamp here.
Yeah, I do too.
Alright.
I went to a new video so it would be easier to hunt down.
So there's a link there.
It starts at about 25 seconds.
It looks like they're listening to Trump's UN speech,
and then he's trying to get his tech work sorted during that,
and when it comes back to him, he's losing his shit.
Do you want to count it down?
I'm already at 25.
Yeah.
Three, two, one, play.
...colleges only contribute to the continued suffering of the people who live under these cruel systems.
Empty out the goddamn control room and find out where this is going on.
It's either there or there or out there somewhere.
America stands with every person living under a brutal regime.
Fucking out of control shit.
Are they overlaying it on? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. under a brutal regime. Fucking out of control shit.
Are they overlaying it on... I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
We agree that all responsible nations
must work together to confront terrorists
and the Islamic extremism that inspires them.
We will stop radical Islamic terrorism
because we cannot allow it
to tear up our nation and indeed to tear
up the entire world i don't know why i bother to say how to cut the slots when you don't the
the original original video 16 seconds is when he like goes like stop who stopped the hammering the
first one we had the The version I saw,
which was not the original, the guy's like
this legit
crazy hammering and screwing
your circular saws fire up.
They're like, maybe we shouldn't do this
during the show.
Yeah, it was pretty funny.
This is on Alex Jones' channel.
I know.
What was the cut up for?
I don't know. I thought they were going to find a way to type. Lawrence O'Donnell is insane. This is on Alex Jones' channel What was the cut up for? It was just like
I thought they were going to find a way to type
Lawrence O'Donnell is insane
And the mainstream media doesn't want you to know this
And so they actually added those sounds of construction
In afterwards
To hide the fact that he was freaking out for no reason
This is the liberal media people
Turn it off frogs gay
Pour out in the water
Yeah
They are on frogs gay yeah yeah
so they are turning frogs gay
they do turn
frogs uh into like
hermaphrodites yeah it does
have like a weird effect on amphibians
more like asexual type yeah
no you're right hermaphrodites the right word
yeah well you know what good for the frogs
yeah
think of how progressive they are.
The frog colony down there is probably like,
oh shit, I got a dick. Like, okay.
Yeah. Let's move forward,
guys, together. How shitty
are we going to feel if, like, they have
one of those freedom of information things come
out in, like, 10 years and, like, 85,
95% of the shit Alex Jones rants about
is true. We find out that there
is a fluoride program to turn humans into homosexuals, and they
did, and what else has he come up with?
All of the, oh, it is, Sandy Hook never happened, that was Jewish actors, as he put it, like
all of the shootings are false flags, like, my mind's gonna explode if it turned out that
Alex Jones is the voice of reason.
Well, you know the fluoride stuff, because I was on well water so they actually gave me fluoride tablets i'd take
one a night and and so that whole thing you know is interesting to me because i only suck a little
bit of dick yeah like you probably didn't do a good enough job uh if they were really going for
it but i started noticing like a neo vagina cavity opening up no it was it was just i would be eating them, and then all of a sudden, like, I'd wake up with a dick in my mouth.
And I'm like, how did I get here?
It was a fluoride.
Oh, God.
And the last thing this poor young man remembered was eating this government-approved bowl of fluoride tablets.
We'll go with the dick in his mouth.
I shit you not.
I shit you not.
But that would be funny, Kyle.
but that would be funny kyle like the chemtrails thing ended up being real where all these like farmers who are just trying to you know put insecticide on their crops they're
actual like evil conspirators in the jewish collaboration with israel and if you just put
jewish and israel in enough in in a sentence it starts to become a little Alex Jones-y.
I would be more impressed with all this coming to light that it managed to stay so under
the radar that Alex Jones had the in.
He was just so batshit crazy.
They probably won't believe him, but who keeps feeding Alex this info?
Where's Alex getting this info?
There's a deep throat type character somewhere who's actually feeding
Alex Jones top secret, behind
the veil kind of information about
the reptilian overlords and
the elephant cabal and
all that stuff. The new world order, the whole
thing's true. The Kim Trails
poisoning our children, turning them into homosexuals
and liberals
and it's all real.
It's gonna be just one of my favorite
alex jones things is he was uh talking about some like supplement that he had started taking for
weight loss and and it's like he's he's like here's a picture of me before i took the supplements and
look at me now and it's juxtaposed it's the exact same it looks like he got really sunburned on the
new photo like exactly the same he's like
i feel great i look great i'm great i feel great i'm redder than i've ever been before
i'm glowing do you see me i'm glowing that's because of what's called blood efficiency
significantly worse to his like his body type he looks like a very thick guy yeah like he doesn't have a standard
fat guy look no i don't think he's like he looks like a strong guy he looks very stout he he's not
he's not a traditional body type but he seems to be barrel chested and thick bodied and like
he looks he doesn't look bad it's what I'm saying. He looks like George Costanza.
Yeah, George Costanza.
He looks, that guy could kick the shit out of George Costanza. I'm just saying same body type except Alex Jones is broader on the top and more muscular.
Stocky.
His fighting technique involves just hugging whatever he's fighting.
Oh, he crushes you.
For a prolonged period.
I crush you like a bug.
Get those big arms around you and start whispering in your ear
about caveman supplements.
I got 40 ounces of bone broth
deep in my belly right now.
You think you're going to take me down?
You got another thing coming.
You smell that bone.
You be whispering that propaganda in your ear.
You just smell that bone broth
on his breath the whole time.
Bad breath is actually used by the Japanese to fight their opponents
in sumo wrestling especially.
I use the same in my training.
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You guys know I've been doing the Tinder
thing recently and I've met at least two
girls with rough
breath. Rough breath.
You've actually met Tinder girls?
Oh, of course. You can actually met Tinder girls? Of course.
You can do that?
You can.
I've given them.
I've let them use SmartMouth.
And I bet they are consumers now.
I bet they're going to the store because you can go to any store and get it.
There's just no reason to be out there in the dating game like I'm sure all of you nice young men listeners are if you don't have good breath.
I'm sure you've got a great body because you've been working on us, getting fit, eating health.
Eating your bone broth. Eating your bone broth. But it doesn't do anything for you unless you have good breath. I'm sure you got a great body because you've been working on us getting fit. You know, eating your bone broth.
And eating your bone broth.
But it doesn't do anything for you unless you have good breath.
So every morning, every night, use it.
You will never have bad breath.
Guaranteed.
Tinder is actually a government conspiracy.
They're collecting your metadata and your dick pics.
You can't send photos on Tinder anymore.
Oh, you can't?
No. Speaking of Tinder, nice segue,
Japanese Tinder is amazing
and in easy mode.
I just turned it on for a day just to see what it was
up to, and I got seven matches.
None of them spoke English, so I'm not really sure
why. Oh, that's even better.
You don't want to know your names.
I have no idea how to talk to you.
I'll just send you an address and you show up?
How does this work?
You need one of those translators.
I've been watching Preacher and the vampire guy has a French son who's an old guy.
Neither one of them speak the other's language, so he just wears this pendant.
He'll just press the button on it and he'll say something in English and it'll auto-translate to French on the other guys.
It's pretty cool.
You need one of those.
You could always
call them the name of
large Japanese companies.
Like, yeah, suck my dick, Suzuki.
Take it, Mitsubishi.
Things like that.
I mean, I wish I could even
read these names, but I can't.
That's not even the correct thing to say.
Mitsubishi Galant.
She's a lot hotter than Kawasaki Ninja.
See, that's the thing.
You can make fun of the Japanese all you want.
They don't mind.
They don't mind, I've found.
And nobody else minds either.
There's no group that's going to jump to the defense of the Japanese
if you start talking about fucking Japanese girls.
There is somebody out there that will going to jump to the defense of the Japanese if you start talking about fucking Japanese girls There is somebody out there that will jump to
the anti-Japanese defamation league
Do you know how much
China, Thailand
I guess
Myanmar, all these areas
they really resent the Japanese a lot
still in a lot of these areas
from stuff like World War II
because the Japanese have tried so in a lot of these areas from stuff like World War II, you know,
because the Japanese have tried so many times to conquer mainland. So yeah, I've watched YouTube
videos about that stuff of like Asian people talking about it. And like the most common thing
I saw was like non-Japanese people saying like, oh yeah, there's definitely some Japanese racism
wherever you go. And it's like, I guess that kind of
makes a little bit of sense given the history.
Yeah, yeah, definitely so.
I really want to go
though.
Everybody was so polite.
I felt, I got so mad when I got
into my car
on my way home and immediately
somebody honked at me. i was like i didn't
hear a single horn once that whole trip i didn't see a single homeless person at all in the entire
city the whole time i was there kill them yeah they must they probably feed them to like what
do you think ramen broth's made out of homeless japanese men like what a disgrace if you because
because they're so like that that culture has so much honor you know you
always hear about the uh i don't remember what the word for it but there's japanese word for those
men who overwork themselves to death and you hear the wives story because the husband's worked
himself literally to death she's like yeah he was in the office for eight days straight he would
just sleep at the office he came home to take a shower and he had a heart attack in the shower
and died he literally worked for like a hundred hours straight like sleeping a few minutes at a time like leonardo da vinci or some shit and then just died
i wonder what the other japanese people think about it though like are they really like oh
my god that guy's such a superstar are they like he was just showing off right this is a kind of
suicide everyone knows that after 12 hours of working, he was kind of shitty anyway.
In the next 88, we're just showing off.
I don't know, man.
It's a problem.
It's widespread.
It's enough that they have a word for it.
I think they're legit working hard.
We have a series of words for it.
We can describe it yeah
but i mean they have like it's like a thing like when you pass out at your desk like it's not a bad
thing they're like look at him like work so hard he's literally dying right now like good good
employee like i that's such a weird cultural thing because i've heard that too that if you
fall asleep at your desk it's like oh he oh, Hideki, you're working very hard today.
Like instead of what would happen here where it's like, hey, you're supposed to do your sleeping at home, champ.
I got a George Costanza thing going on here.
Like, oh, I just get all my sleep done at work.
They think I'm a hero.
I put this under my desk to take naps in.
Using it as a new model for the rest of the firm yeah that's very interesting i'd like to go to japan too just because it's it's another modern nation that
seems totally antithetical to us like so so not antithetical wrong word but totally different
like everything would be and they love us like we're an ideal to them like a six foot two six
foot tall white man oh especially if you're blonde, oh, you'd slay so much Japanese pussy.
So much Japanese pussy if you're a six-foot tall.
I'd dye my hair blonde if I was going.
Like, I was going Super Saiyan, but that might turn him on.
The worst thing is that, you know, to put it bluntly, I just look at, you know, you'll look at some, like, real authentic
Japanese porn, and you're like,
this looks like the worst lay of my life. Like,
my first time having sex was way
more, like, put together. Like,
I went in with an idea of what I'm doing.
And this is, like, both parties are just
flailing, and it looks ugly.
Like, nobody should record this. And this is, like,
the professionals doing it.
But it's like...
All Japanese porn is rape porn all of it is like that's the that's the overriding category there
is no like rape categories like all the japanese porn is unknown the conceitual why would the woman
want to be a folk man should be at the working all of of it seems non-consensual. The woman never seems
happy with what's going on. She always seems like
it's always a, and in their like
hyper fantasy world, which is the animated
porn, it's always like a little school
girl face, like an underage
chick with cartoonish beach ball
titties and a blurred
out vagina for some reason. I was going to say, Japanese women
have weird vaginas. They're blurred out.
They're pixelated.
Alright, so one of my things was a friend of mine was like, I was going to say, Japanese women have weird vaginas. They're blurred out. They're pixelated. Alright, so one of my things was
a friend of mine was like, I need you to bring back
actual hentai. I need you to bring me back
a comic of porn. And I was like, I can do that.
So I went to multiple shops.
Two things that I noticed. One,
porn is stupid expensive.
For an average booklet, it was like
$60. For like
very obviously porn, it has like 18 plus on like a, you know, for like very obviously porn.
It has like 18 plus on it.
You can, you know, you can look through on the, on the cover too.
Like it is a little alarming when you walk in and they obviously like no photos, but
you walk in and there's just drapes of like what seems to be a nine year old.
And you're like, can't even suspend disbelief here.
Like that is a child, and she is naked.
Oh, no, actually, she is an ancient vampire.
She is 4,000 years old, so it's not creepy at all.
Did you struggle with the exchange rate?
No, the exchange rate was really, all right, it was a really cheap trip.
Yeah, I know.
Not for me.
All right, so it's about $ about nine US dollars for a thousand yen
So that's like a thousand yen is like ten bucks, right?
Water like at the airport two bottles of water cost me two US dollars
Like every meal was under ten US bucks our air B&B that slept ten people was 750 us a night
So like that's under a hundred bucks per per person um and it was a mansion was
so much different it was a hotel it was insanely expensive but i didn't have to pay for it
but like everything like oh yeah i forgot i remember you going yeah i forgot the breakfast
was like 42 for like eggs in a buffet or something it was outrageous and the exchange rate at the
time like it sounded so simple when you laid it out there but i was like i'm not even sure like would i have to divide this by 330
i don't know i guess big numbers just aren't that much but i get lost in the big numbers
you know so all of a sudden like oh hair gel 100 or like 1.8 million yen well i'm sure it'll be
reasonable and then you're like damn i just paid Like $32 for hair gel
I
It is neat that it has Japanese words
But yeah
I was really surprised because I was
The same way I was like ready to just pay out
At the ass for everything but I mean I live in LA
So everything's a budget to me no matter where
I go but that you know
Do your friends and family expect
Gifts whenever you go somewhere yeah
and I told him to fuck off like I was like I'm bringing
a suitcase one suitcase
I will buy some things but like I'm
not bringing back things through customs
that I have to pay taxes on and then give
you for free like all of this is wrong
so I just didn't bring anything back for anybody
and it sucks up like a party
like alright I want you to
spend an afternoon proving
that you were really thinking about me while you were there well you once i'm sorry i got
a big lie that's not true at all i got my my son like a i don't know pewter dragon i got my
daughter something that she liked i don't know what to get my wife i got her some scented candle
that had japanese words on it apparently
not i still take shit about it i she's like a candle really a candle meanwhile she buys them
around here but i i guess it wasn't japanese and i don't know but the whole idea that because i
went somewhere now i owe a bunch of people shit and and have to buy it it seems backwards now
what i do is i get just shot glasses,
usually from the airport when I remember,
oh shit, I'm supposed to have got something.
And then you just get a couple of shot glasses
that say like, you know, Tokyo, whatever the hell.
And then some goofy character, like that's it.
And if they get mad at a gift, just be like,
you got this for free.
Like you didn't go.
When you take a vacation you take note
of the fact that i will not ask you to bring me anything because i don't fucking care i can order
something off amazon that's pseudo from japan or the dominican what are they gonna know they're
not gonna know i mean half the shit i own came from china like why do you want to bring it home
japan it's not authentic but yeah you totally right. I got you a bubble tea.
No, this one was at the local airport, actually.
Drink it quick.
It's melting.
You know, it would have been smarter
to get her flowers at the local airport.
I bet she would have liked that
more than a candle from Japan.
I brought these back all the way from Japan.
It's amazing.
If Japanese pornography is $60 for a a little magazine how much is a japanese
prostitute probably not that much right i bet it's comparable i mean how much is it
yeah how much is it to bring the japanese i brought her honey look at what i brought home
the problem with the japanese prostitutes is they're all from the philippines they bring
the filipino girls in as prostitutes in japan you see that i would imagine yeah why is that a problem because that's not authentic yeah it's not authentic that would
be like if you got some mongolian food while you're there you're like oh no i wanted legit
okinawa sushi and you just brought in like a mongolian stir fry it's the same shit if if a
japanese guy or lady came here and wanted like oh I'm gonna fuck an American
prostitute and they were like
alright here's your prostitute and he's like
hey my name's Barry and you know I'm just
I'm from the Americas for sure you know
and they'd be like oh it's a real experience
yeah like that kind of thing
because they can't tell the difference between our accent and Canadian
because it's an ethnic thing
it's a racial thing
it's more like if they came and wanted to fuck a white guy.
Then they don't mind if it's a Canadian white guy
or an American white guy. They want a Caucasian.
But if you go to Japan and you want to fuck
a Japanese chick, then you don't want a Filipino.
Not that there's anything wrong with Filipinos.
Like, I've dated some Filipino girls.
But...
I'll tell you what, man. My dick doesn't decide.
Yeah, like, puss is puss. You're like, okay.
It doesn't discern.
It doesn't discern. You're right. It i want that blurry japanese pussy or i'm not and i'm not going
home without it just reject one woman after another because it's not blurry you just pull
it up you're like this isn't pixelated we think they don't know what i'm talking about
if you go to thailand you're looking for a certain kind of girl. If, you know, depending on where you're going, you want to, if you're looking for a prostitute
in Russia, you don't want a brunette.
You want some like strung out on cocaine and vodka blonde chick who weighs 98 pounds, right?
You want a legit Russian prostitute.
So, you know, you go to Japan.
I wanted to have like that gray scale on her arm from bad life decisions.
Yeah.
Been shooting up in that arm a long time.
You're lucky you're not in my age group.
They fall off a cliff at 40 and become this bagooshka person
wearing a tent with their hair in a do-rag.
They go from this
and they just kind of shrink down.
That's why we're getting prostitutes,
not dating.
Forget your age group.
Your age group is 18 or 19.
Whenever they trick them and get them into the brothel.
Is prostitution legal in Japan?
It seems like a place that would be legal.
I don't know.
I definitely don't.
Do you?
I think that there's some level of near prostitution
that might involve masturbation.
Like, I wish I could describe it better, but, like, a foot fetish type thing.
Or there's an interaction with girls in which you masturbate, but not prostitution.
And full-on prostitution, I think, is illegal.
uh,
uh, so we had a translator there that,
um,
definitely,
uh,
they,
they basically explained to us that like cleavage for a lot of people was the gap between thigh high socks and the bottom of the skirt.
Like that was cleavage.
That thigh limited thigh like this much was like the same as a girl wearing like a nice super low cut shirt.
And I can agree to disagree.
Well,
I can believe i can
see where they're coming from yeah i hey there were some people i was like that's that's some
nice three inches of skin right there like that's i i'm i'm all for it but but then again like like
if you're looking for legalized prostitution you just go to an escort service right like that is
legalized prostitution everywhere whether you're in north carolina or virginia or georgia or wherever
the fuck wait how is that legal because it's she's you're paying her to escort you you're buying a date with this
lady that it's not for the sex the sex is just included they do have okay so i do have a uh
insight on this one one of my friends uh was a host which basically he's an attractive uh uh
asian american male who would be –
he had like a website and everything,
and girls, mostly like lonely middle-aged women,
would go and rent you for the night.
And you're basically supposed to go out there and make them feel special
at the club and drink and tell jokes and just be like,
the guy, like, hey.
And he was very explicit by saying, well, they're paying for that service.
They're paying for the date.
And I was like, okay, so anything else?
And he was like, they're paying for the date.
Dick's on top of the fee.
So I could see that being their method around it.
That seems like a great side job,
just going on dates with lonely older ladies
and goof around,
knowing that it doesn't matter if
you make an ass of yourself and then you go bang it what i hope is their super dope house that has
a hot tub that i can use after but she doesn't have to hang around for that part yeah you know
do you mind if i use your hot tub no no if i use your hot tub yeah i feel like i could score a date
with taylor in this situation, I'm coming real close.
I don't know.
There's one key factor.
I'm checking most of these boxes.
Would you like some fluoride water before we get started?
I guess.
I feel chalky.
So chalky.
Chalky? chalky chalky?
do you know something?
fluoride tablets taste kind of like little pink tablets that taste like chalk
oh
fluoride was like a code word for roofies
I went somewhere else
no
that's why I woke up with a dick in my mouth
and I didn't know what happened
fluoride
is what dentists recommend to keep your
teeth healthy. Ah, right.
Roofies is what
Bill Cosby recommends.
He wasn't
roofing them. What was Cosby giving?
He was giving them quaaludes.
Yeah, oh man.
They talk about quaaludes like that was
the second coming. There are people who are like, yeah, got i got one of the original quaaludes i got three of
them they're in the freezer they've been in there since 1987 like holy shit you bet there you know
that a pill must actually be a wonderful thing these quaaludes if there are people who have been
saving them for 20 years and stuff because they've been out of circulation for a long long time
when you pop like what's the occasion that you're waiting for?
Is a Tuesday night not good enough for you?
What do you want to pop this Quaalude at?
Japanese vacation.
Japanese vacation. That's when you want to pop Quaaludes.
I see no better place to do
any type of drug than Japan.
I feel like it would be unbelievably
terrifying, but also, I mean,
if you're going to do acid,
I guess do acid in japan i don't
know there's a lot of shiny lights there i feel like and the people could start like morphing and
start looking different you go on like a rampage like slicing up all these little you see like
demonic dwarves next thing you come to you're soaked in blood there's 18 dead japanese prostitutes
in your motel room what did I return to?
to an ass in Japan
we've all been there
like I said
still holding a grudge
I wouldn't feel too bad I guess
I wouldn't want to take sedatives
in a country
I just arrived in
that seems like an oversight.
I don't know.
They're a friendly bunch.
I feel like no matter how rude you are,
they just kind of go with it.
Remember when Jackass went there
and Party Boy would go into the Japanese electronics store,
rip that track suit off down to a G-string and a bow tie,
and he was dancing up on the shop owner,
like humping him,
and the shop owner just acts embarrassed and walks away.
And then a cop comes in.
He takes the cop's hat off of him, puts it on, and continues to dance with it.
And the cop doesn't get angry.
He doesn't get physical.
He's like, oh, give him my hat back, you crazy putty boy.
Yeah, try that bit in Jackson, Mississippi and see how it goes.
There are aspects of American cops that I really, really like.
I like that, at least my opinion of them,
is they don't get intimidated.
There is no apartment building that a cop won't go into
because that's too rough for a cop.
No.
Cops are the fucking alphas in every situation,
and that's the deal.
On the downside, they're the alphas in every situation,
and that's the deal. Jesus downside they're the alphas in every situation and that's the deal
jesus christ it's a traffic stop you know like you're pushing people around the the nurse who
didn't want to give uh blood without a warrant you have to like cuff her and lean her over the
trash can and rough her up and throw her in the car it depends though because i i don't like those
videos like those instances you just mentioned are fucked up i don't like those videos. Those instances you just mentioned are fucked up. I don't like those.
But I've been getting on late night and watching these videos of Trump protesters, Antifa specifically, and getting in trouble with the cops.
And I love it. I love it when they go a step too far and they body slam some guy or they get out the billy clubs and go to whomping.
I saw one the other day, and it wasn't either of those things.
It wasn't Ant of those things it wasn't anti-fair protesters it was just a white lady with her illegal mexican boyfriend or in their
car and they get pulled over and the first thing the cop does is call ice and he's like ma'am ice
would like to talk to you because she's she's like you can't do this we're not even near the
border he's like it doesn't fucking matter he's like you want to talk to ice and she's like we're
not even near the border we're just trying to go on a vacation and they're like, it doesn't fucking matter. He's like you want to talk to ice and she's like we're not even near the border
We're just trying to go on a vacation and they're like, yeah, it doesn't matter. Oh, man. I go. Yeah. Yeah, exactly
Yeah, I enjoy that stuff. I enjoy that stuff a lot. I do like seeing ruffians get their comeuppance, you know
Especially the the water cannon we talked about that a little while ago, a couple episodes ago,
where people are just being assholes and they just get a nice blast of water.
Or people are – there was one of those Antifa dudes that was –
it was a few weeks ago, but he was marching around,
doing that tough guy walking back and forth,
but never getting any closer to the cops.
I mean, that could be dangerous. Be careful.
But he's still bloviating and being loud.
And then one of the cops shot a beanbag, and it hit him closer to the cops. I mean, that could be dangerous. Be careful. But he's still bloviating and being loud. And then one of the cops shot a beanbag
and it hit him right in the nuts.
And he went down and they had to go grab him.
And it was like, that's what you fucking get
for being an asshole who doesn't know when to disperse.
You know, so the water cannon's legal in Europe,
but not here.
But my impression of European police
is they're so professional, right?
They're not out there just kicking ass it's legal it's just not used because of visual political reasons because
it was used against peaceful black protesters uh during the 60s it's my mistake unseemly
every so often i see like police done in like sweden or something and they're like respectfully
cuffing a guy talking them them down, not going straight
0-100 in terms of violence
right out of the gate. Well, Sven,
put down the skis. Let's not get rash
here. Maybe we should do that.
I don't know.
There was a video of a...
There was a video of a guy, and I think it was the
Philippines, or maybe I'm just
generalizing, of a guy who comes
in with a knife to the
police station, literally like trying to like do something. And the one of the guy like walks over
and was like talking him down after like a couple of minutes, just goes over, takes it out of his
hand and just hugs the dude. And the guy, I was like, he would have been dead five minutes ago.
He might've been in a hospital. I think I saw that. Yeah. I was like, he would have been shot
immediately. Like that's just dumb, but yeah. Yeah. like, he would have been shot immediately. Like, that's just dumb.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Do you want to watch it?
Yeah, sure.
I don't know why I answered.
I brought it up.
Of course I'm done.
Yeah, guys.
It's only a minute long.
I'm at the beginning.
Yeah, I'm at zero.
All right.
I'll count it down.
Cheers, you two.
Ready, set, play.
He's such a little guy, can I just say I fucking hate
videos that do this where they have like
music and then like weird
off screen like motion graphics
that tell you a situation
I'm with you oh my gosh it's so terrible
like go
to be fair this guy has never held a knife in his life
no
he's double handing the
Handing it like like poking it out in front of him like this. Oh, he's trying to hand it over that makes sense
Oh, that's why he's holding it so awkwardly because I was like what does he not cut his own meat?
What a some knife experience
I only know how to use two sticks
He's been in that hospital room poking at a steak for three hours.
That's what it was all about.
Also, I love, I don't know if you guys noticed this,
but the cop, like, did a quick waist,
he's doing, like, pat checks right now on, like, the guy's waistline
to make sure he doesn't have anything else while hugging him.
You know, it's like one of those things where, like,
this guy knows how to do his job really well.
You have a bomb back here, do you?
It's just making sure.
That's observant. I didn't catch that.
It was not on meth.
Because you can find clips
like this, you know, of meth heads with a
knife, where it's like, okay, yeah, I can see you
had to shoot him, even after the first three bullets.
It just seemed to pump him up.
It's the blood flowing out,
but still. That's the one drug, or I guess
there's like heroin too,
but meth is one where I trust.
And yeah, PCP, I don't hear much from the government about PCP,
but meth is one where I trust Nancy Reagan.
She had the right, you know, just say no to meth.
You ever heard about somebody who's like a functional meth head?
Like, yeah, you know, I come home from a long day's work,
do a little meth, but it's cool.
Yeah, but it's cool. Yeah,
but it's cool.
Like it's fine.
Like truck drivers.
You hear about like the guys who have those,
those jobs that require them to like be up for long periods of time.
And the longer you can stay up and be functional,
the better.
Those are the only functional math users.
And I'm not sure if it's long term is it's viable for the long term,
but like,
remember deadliest catch,
like,
like how they would talk about
these guys sometimes they get tired and then
we'll look and Billy's been swept overboard
and we don't know where he is. It's like, shit, maybe I should do a little
meth. Maybe I should do a little meth
before I go out there and do my crabbing
on the third shift.
The thing about meth, and I'm outside my
area of expertise, but I read about this because I'm intensely
curious. I'm super
curious and I've read about it and I've rushed the videos and you start off super functional you start off with this
level of like oh man i'm still me i'm still with it you know you're not drooling and bumping into
the walls you're just happy it's just like the dopamine it's just like man everything is okay
now you know you you're in traffic it's 5 a., the raindrops are on your windshield and you find beauty
in every one of them.
You're thinking of heroin.
Am I thinking of heroin?
That does not sound at all like meth.
Because nobody is sitting calmly in traffic
after smoking meth.
You know?
I don't know my
drugs, I shouldn't talk.
I can assure you that
I was at EDC for the first time which for those who don't know my drugs. I shouldn't talk. I can assure you that, uh, that I was at, uh, EDC for
the first time, uh, which for those who don't know, it's a, it's a music festival that takes
place from 7 PM to 7 AM in Las Vegas in June. Uh, so it is a, and it's a three day thing. And,
um, you know, I absolutely do not do any of these things.
But when you come in at 5 a.m. on day three and, you know, they got like this in the techno tent and everybody's just sitting there like wringing a plastic water bottle and grinding their teeth and just looking like they've been doing this for way too long.
And you look at it and you're like, yeah, I can't I can't envision anybody doing like three steps above of the coke that you've just done and doing anything functional in life like you're really going at it
right now so i can't see meth being like uh well then i'm wrong on meth but heroines it heroin it
seems like even coke like you do a little and you're you're not like on the ground drooling
grinding your teeth and water bottles and such.
You're functional.
It's not the dragon they say it is.
And that's almost part of the problem.
It's like they've overblown how terrible it is the first time.
And then you start developing your own opinion and it becomes that terrible over time.
That's my impression of how drugs suck you in.
Well, let's get you some heroin.
We'll try it out
and see how it works. Have a rough day?
Throw it in there. Make everything fine.
Heroin, it's usually people who get, or I guess
nowadays, it's people who get addicted
to painkillers.
And then when they run out of painkillers, it's cheaper
and more available to get heroin.
And that can be cut with whatever, and that's how you get
horrible OD deaths.
Yeah, it might just be
fentanyl and you inject it and you die so fentanyl is really good fentanyl is amazing what yeah
because you get that before surgery am i mixing it up with a different drug you you probably i do
i don't know fentanyl is like stupid deadly which one am i thinking of you're thinking of one you know now the michael jenny is used no all right so so what
i've always gotten for sir for surgery was wow that was that was a different thing fentanyl is
that is a that's what i hope a thought yeah yeah that's the one you're not that's the one i'm
mixing it with propofol that i'm a huge. I have to break a leg or something to get it.
Almost worth it.
What is that?
Yeah, you know, I have to have a follow-up surgery on my leg to get the screws taken out.
And when they described it to me, I had two thoughts.
One of them was like, ah, well, that sucks, you know, like a follow-up surgery.
And the other thought was, well, but that's pretty cool.
Yeah, you should plan some sort of a recreational activity to do while you're on it right like hey could you give me a little propothal don't knock me out let me play a few video games then
dose me up after about an hour we'll get this show on the road sir this is my acl surgery
yeah you know like i'm like like where's the where's the you know the feel-good drug and
they're like yeah do you feel like you need it?
I'm really anxious.
Let's get that shit flowing.
I mean, you can see why when I had my wisdom teeth out and they gave me, uh, Vicodin, um, you know, and they only give you, they like, they only give you enough that it's going to last you like a week or something like that.
Thankfully, you know, mine were pretty bad, but not so bad that i was just miserable and had to go
back but you could see how somebody would get addicted to them if they had weight if they had
too much for like their condition because i went to go see a movie and uh pop to those bad boys in
there and got into the movie theater and i was like i looked over at my friend halfway through i was like man like this shit is
crazy and he's like okay like great i'm like yeah i know though it's really good and then yeah it
was gone and that was that but like i can i can understand that same i had that same experience
my wisdom teeth were bad though it took three weeks mine were impacted they had to break my
jaw it was terrible oh i I don't have wisdom teeth.
Three weeks of recovery.
So that's how long I was on the Vicodin or whatever it was.
And at the end of it, man, I felt the pull.
I wanted more.
I'm back at the work.
I'm in the office.
I'm doing accounting.
And it's just like, man, I think I kind of preferred to be on that painkiller.
Opiates are crazy.
I get it. I get what happens to people if i was
i don't know brett farver he had a pill problem way back in the day with access to all that stuff
where you take it for a whole season i can see how that happens to people look i think we should
give everybody in the united states enough vicodin to sort of get addicted just so everybody knows what it's like you know a little empathy you know just give me a little Vicodin and I'll let you know how
I feel capital letters just make sure everybody is on the same page here it was fine for Dr. House
yeah he's my idol and he solved a lot of things all while high on painkillers
I did in the tech sector
which I'm sure you guys have heard of
but yes the tech sector
which you've heard of but no
there's this trend on micro dosing
LSD acid
where you take
enough to have a subconscious effect
but not actually
as the kids say trip
and there was a and my roommate in college enough to have a subconscious effect, but not actually, uh, as the kids say trip. And there
was a, yeah. And my roommate, uh, in college was one of these people that was all about it and very
much believed. So, uh, Billy is actually in prison right now, if you care to know. So he not on the
greatest track would not recommend this, but, uh, I had a roommate that went to prison carry on.
Oh yeah. So, so he's i mean yeah it's
interesting but like he he would go to bio class at 8 a.m and right before take a tab acid i'm like
okay like it's 8 a.m i'm getting coffee you're doing acid and he'd come back eight hours later
like like on his way down from things like man uh lab was pretty cool and i'm like nice what'd
you do and
he's like uh we mixed some chemicals i don't really remember but like i did the classwork
and i was like okay great doesn't seem very effective but like encoding a lot of people
code uh that i've talked to have at least one or two people in their office that definitely do it
semi-regularly so i mean but do you know what you call somebody who has to microdose with
bourbon every morning uh an alcoholic an alcoholic yeah but when you microdose with lsd you're just a
interesting character oh i've never done lsd so i don't know i have no idea the effects of it
but not a clue yeah i mean if it works for them and it makes you better at making apps
fucking go for it who cares they act like it's adderall i i don't like again like i i wish i could chime in and be like well here's what it's
like like i you know these guys are functional so there is never coded before it's a lot like
writing a story like you probably i'm sure everyone here has had stupidly long papers you
know 10 pages or more do and uh you know sometimes you're flowing you know and
every 40 minutes you get another page out and other times you're just like staring at your
computer not making any progress writing code is like that as well sometimes you're just the
super view figuring out one thing after another and they say this micro dosing puts you in that
zone but i can believe it i have suspicions i don't know if it
does i think it could either be that or just a clever way to get high at work i don't think
you're going to your boss and it's like listen uh just want to let you know i'm going to be doing
acid from now on uh and he's like great like you're welcome to it you get a pay raise and
you're good like i feel like that's not the way i think the acid thing is more about creativity. I think the acid thing is more about creativity.
The Adderall thing is more about energy
and drive. Productivity.
Productivity.
Adderall is pretty great.
If you were on the assembly line,
you should totally be on Adderall.
If you're that guy who's dipping mufflers
in the coating and then turning it
180 degrees and hooking it
on the hook and sliding it down and you do that for nine hours at a time that's an adderall thing
but if you're if you're coding that sounds more like an lsd thing all right so what we've
determined is the the dare needs to be that's already gone right we need to get we need to get
a a different type of dare to get a bunch
of people to do a bunch of drugs and be like
here's what will happen
let's get kids on acid
and see what happens
art class is going to be so much fun guys
dare just goes back to its original
meeting where you dare people to take heroin
and shit
we just want you to know what heroin's like
this was the best shit ever
hell no yeah we just want you to know what heroin's like this was the best shit ever oh no that's yeah just telling everybody no didn't you know what drug nobody does anymore
we were watching platoon the other night and there's a part where like uh he turns that big
long fucking opium pipe over to charlie sheen he's like he's like come on man hit this nobody
does that shit anymore nobody actually smokes opium like like
i don't think you don't even hear about it you know i like the there's a weird trend uh of of
people trying to take every drug to the extreme and now that weed is mostly legal especially in
california i have some friends who all go over to their house and they've got you know they've got
like dabs with like concentrated wax
of thc now my friend sends me this article of this group of people that have created a 99.9 pure thc
crystal rock and i'm like at what point are we just now like this is like the crack rock of weed
like yeah that's ridiculous like now we have like this is like now a hard drug where you like crush it up and you just fucking snort the weed.
Like at what point is this just.
Yeah.
That seems like making.
Yeah.
Like a shot of, of like ever clear where it's like, just cause you can doesn't mean you should.
Right.
At what point is this like now just a problem?
Like this, imagine going into somebody's house and you're just like, hey man, you got weed? It's like, no, but I got
crystalline.
Well, I've got THCA crystalline,
the world's strongest hash with 99.99
THC. Why are you leaving?
Why are you leaving?
Well, because you're a fucking maniac. You don't just have the regular
kind that Indians used
to smoke.
Like, my dad smoked this
shit? No.
As soon as somebody has a blowtorch i'm like this this is no longer a thing that you just like do normally like you
have a blowtorch for this like it looks a little worse yeah this like this doesn't the optics
aren't great here yeah this uh anytime that you've purified a drug to the point that it looks
crystalline you're gonna turn people off because the point that it looks crystalline, you're going to turn people off because the only other
crystalline drugs are like
meth and crack.
And those don't have a good reputation.
Well, crack isn't crystalline. They take cocaine
and they mix it with baking soda and water and form
little rocks.
It's like a crystal.
I don't know much about
crack.
I don't know anything about crack. I don't know anything about crack.
I'm just saying I watched a lot of drug movies
though when they're making crack
and stuff and that's how you make crack.
Look, stick to smoking
swag weed, kids.
You're not going to fuck up your life.
Don't microdose acid. Don't do crystalline.
No heroin.
No opiates.
You say that. Meanwhile, Bill Gates
is over there microdosing 24-7,
just coming up with new shit.
Richest man on the planet.
Can you imagine if Elon Musk came out publicly and was like,
listen, a lot of you guys aren't going to believe me,
but SpaceX wouldn't have happened without LSD.
Every single person.
He's on stage doing a half of, what do you call it, the tabs?
A sheet.
A sheet of ass.
Let's talk about Mars!
The Boring Company was supposed to be a joke I made, but here we are!
I was just super, super high that day, guys.
When I had to come up with government subsidies, I was like, throw it at that, I suppose.
Like, like...
When he microdoses, he just becomes like some unknown eastern european descent
he's got that look about him doesn't elon musk look like a bond villain like if he had a scar
across that eye like something about the way his chin is shaped and his four this the structure of
his face looks very aryan but not in the good way like he looks very like master race aryan like
like this guy's a little too pure
aryan like like maybe he's the product of some some uh selective breeding program that hitler
put together in brazil and you know after the war because we all know hitler survived after world
war ii that that was all scam well yeah i mean look you don't tell me that that does not look like a brown haired Elon Musk. Like that's, that's that 100% ads.
Oh man,
man,
you're right.
Even he even has the scar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's not Elon Musk.
I know.
I thought Elon Musk was from like Norway or somewhere like around there.
I had no idea.
He was from South Africa.
You assume you assumed his, You assumed his country of origin.
Yeah, Musk sounds Norwegian or something to me.
He looks like he would ski.
Basically, that's how I figured it out.
He looks like a guy who likes to ski.
He'd hover ski or something, though.
Skiing would be too old school for him.
He'd have something fancy.
He'd be levitating on the ice.
I would pay money to see Elon Musk
play a sport.
Him and Bill Gates box.
I would pay money to see that shit.
You think that...
I think Bill Gates would probably lose because he's
older. But he can jump over a chair.
That's true.
Still? I don't know.
I have my suspicions that that was...
That's what happens
the fucking chairs will duck for that man at this point like he doesn't have to like like
he's got so much goddamn money like he's gonna be a trillionaire right like isn't that coming
no he's no no that was or maybe that was apple's worth that they were yeah apple's worth yeah he
got a completely different thing he got knocked out by je Jeff Bezos for a little bit there.
Of course, the Saudi royal family just owns everyone because they own that whole country
and its entire net worth or whatever.
They've just got that trillions of dollars
on tap if they need it.
Until we figure out
nuclear or solar or something
and we're no longer beholden to a country
that throws gay people off of buildings
and hangs them from grains.
On the down low, Putin's richer than all of them.
Yeah, yeah, he is.
He's definitely in those, like, 300 billions.
I wonder who's, like, the richest king out there, not of the Saudis.
Like, not, like, a nefarious leader.
Like, just, like, the Queen of England, maybe?
I wonder how much she's worth.
Nah.
No, she's not worth that much.
I don't think she—what does she. No, she's not worth that much.
What does she have access to?
What are her assets? Do they own Buckingham Palace? The Crown Jewels?
They're the Crown Jewels.
That's a good question.
If the Queen wants to buy a Ferrari,
can she do that?
Does she even have liquid assets?
I wouldn't want her on the road.
She drives.
She drives still?
she used to because there was the whole story about the king of Saudi Arabia
going over and visiting with the queen
and women couldn't drive
in his country until the day before yesterday
and so
she puts him in the jeep or whatever
and she fucking drives and drives really aggressively
and spooks him, scares him a little bit
that was a big story
click on that link
and look at the King of Thailand. He looks like he
just dosed up on some fucking heroin.
Like, this dude is
knee-deep in some methadone.
You mean the well-known Buhumidal
Adulajay?
Yeah, as we all know. The King of Thailand?
He's always got one eye on the prize.
Kim Jong-un on the list. Very nice.
Very nice. Good to know.
A lot of these guys aren't that rich, though.
They're like even richer than you thought.
I'm like Prince of Lichtenstein is only five billion.
Yeah, but how many people live in Lichtenstein?
Not a lot.
60, 70?
I think it doesn't have the highest GDP per capita in the world because of 135,000.
That's fuck.
Yeah.
Because of the because of the banks.
Geez.
I mean, I'd rather be Hans Adam, the third than old, old goofy eye up here.
And number two.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, really, though, he's out there.
All I've noticed is that all these princes look terrible.
Like, if you could choose somebody to represent your country, you would never choose any of these people.
It's the inbreeding.
That's exactly what it is.
It's the same reason the Kardashians look like shit.
It's generational inbreeding.
They need to do what the British are doing now, which is like you bring in some hotties, right?
Like Princess Di, Kate Middleton. british are doing now which is like you bring in some hotties right like yeah princess die
kate middleton like like they're really stepping up the gene pool in that family
they're doing work i'm about it yeah and if you look like the new kids i i can't even name them
but you know those red-haired kids that dress up as nazis for halloween they're handsome fellows
is that what they did i had yeah i missed that yeah i mean it was a while back right
you know yeah one of them did yeah he did that that was a that was a big problem apparently
i think you should be able to dress up as nazis for halloween we okay it's okay to dress up as a
witch a ghoul a werewolf a vampire but you can't dress up remember when all the ghouls got together
and murdered six million jews in the late 30s and
early 40s or how about the witch genocides everyone that learns about that in school
first semester history i'm just saying it's okay to dress up as a fictional monster but
not a non-fictional monster and that that just doesn't seem cool i just you're not gonna win
any hearts or minds dressing up like a naz. Nobody's gonna... If you want...
If I was out at a public Halloween party, Kyle,
and you approached me dressed as, you know,
fucking...
Goebbels.
Goebbels.
My favorite.
Yeah.
If you did, I'd have to be like...
I'd have to, like, loudly announce, like,
who's this guy?
And then leave.
Like, I don't want to be around Goebbels all night.
That's a whole...
Yeah, I feel like there's no win situation
for dressing up like a Nazi. Even if, like... And have Dr. That's a whole... Yeah, I feel like there's no win situation for dressing up like a
Nazi. Even if, like... And have Dr. Mengele with
me? Yeah. No,
if you went with that, then Wonder Woman
just, you know, Wonder Woman came out. So if
you did the whole thing and you were like, ah, we're the
villains in Wonder Woman, like, maybe. Ah, but
that was World War I, so I'd have to dress up as the
Kaiser. Ah, that's not as cool.
No, it's not. They didn't have as good uniforms.
Nope. That would be more acceptable to dress up as World War I Germans than the Nazis.
Oh, absolutely, because they weren't evil. It was just a big land dispute.
Just lots of treaties and stuff falling apart.
The World War I Germans weren't quite the evil empire that the World War II ones were.
Man, those people were evil, eh? Does anybody else think
that they should have struck out
after the second time in 25
years Germany decided to try
and take over Europe? They should have been like,
you know what? No.
None of this again. We're shutting
this down. I guess we did try that, splitting
Germany up. Didn't pan out.
Were they...
That was... World War II
was like the most
successful takeover in
recent time, right?
Like for invasions, right?
I mean, the British Empire was pretty
huge, like the biggest of them all,
but I mean, that was what?
1800s? I can't remember.
Well, it depends how you're going to categorize this, right?
Because the British Empire expanded over hundreds hundreds of years bigger and bigger and bigger
and hitler was like boom for yeah that was like years go by and he owns most of europe you know
it's it was an explosive blitzkrieg that he where he was just conquering all of europe it had a real
weak hold on it that's the thing like i have a hard time calling it successful when he held it
for i'm making up numbers what 18 months or something you know like by today's war standards that's a flash in the pan
but everybody came in and bullied up on him right like he he it's not like the french took him back
took things over it's not like the poles came in and took their shit back it was like no the
americans and the the the russians like put them in a vice from either side and and kind of took
the stuff back.
It kind of bullied him, if you think about it.
Hitler's the victim in all this.
Because Hitler's bullied?
Yeah.
Like, you know, there's no two-on-one, no two-on-one.
You see two guys...
You're leaving out Britain entirely.
You're leaving out a lot of Axis powers here.
Well, after Britain, it falls off a bunch.
Britain would have had Britain if it weren't for us us anyway we're just kind of propping them up with
constant food supplies and munitions and fuel and all that stuff like like come on they they
survived as long as they did because that little body of water that separated them from france
imagine like uh i didn't know i guess i probably should have known this, but that the Japanese didn't tell Hitler that they were going to bomb Pearl Harbor.
And it was just a surprise.
And so, like, I bet part of Hitler knew as soon as that happened that, you know, the end was not approaching immediately, but that it had begun.
Because it was like he'd already pissed off the Soviet Union. I had no idea how much bigger the Soviet Union's army was,
even though they were poorly conscripted and everything, poorly trained.
Because all of these battles I'm watching in this documentary are like,
oh, and then they used, you know, the German armor used a pincer movement on Minsk or whatever,
and 400,000 Russians were captured.
And it's like, fuck, they must be running low on guys.
And then they moved to this city and captured it. 600, Russians were captured. And it's like, fuck, they must be running low on guys. And then they moved to this city and captured it.
600,000 were captured.
And then it's like, oh my God, how did that not end sooner?
And it's like, well, Stalin conscripted 16 million more men into his service.
And it's like, oh, okay, this is how.
He just had a giant country full of people.
Like, it just did a meat grinder.
Absolutely.
That's why when we played
company of heroes you know but as when you played as the russians your squads had more men in them
yeah yeah they were weaker but you could pump out a ton of them i'm gonna take that as fact
i don't know i don't know enough to dispute that but i'm gonna just say like yeah a lot
of my geopolitics come from civilizations i don't know about this company of heroes bullshit yeah it's it's a super interesting
show it's from like 2009 so it's like eight years old now but world war ii and hd if anyone out
there hasn't checked that out yet it's really really interesting color isn't it yeah world war
ii and color you're right yeah i've seen all that it's very good i i love those old i love world war
ii i guess which i i didn't like whenever they caught that fucking nazi that
ran the people over in charlottesville they were they go to his like history his teacher from
highest when he's like he loved world war ii especially the weaponry i'm like jesus don't
poison that like come on it's interesting shit like you could be interested in world war ii and
german weaponry without being a fucking nazi like like i love the jews for sure they're i think they might be the
best people you want to talk about the master race it might be the jewish people motherfucker
so like they're in the running right they go on the short list them in the ancients
highest iqs per capita the most money that you know so much wealth and property and influence
globally speaking they've locked down an an entire block over by where I live
and the only people I've ever seen
actually ride razor scooters
in this century or in this decade
are the Hasidic Jews kids.
They are shredding with hot vats
and razor scooters.
And I'm like,
it doesn't matter what time of day it is,
I'll just be driving down the street
and like, there you go. I'm like, all right't matter what time of day it is, I'll just be driving down the street and like, there you go.
I'm like, alright, like yeah,
own it.
Little curls blowing in the wind.
But they're not little, these things are hanging.
I'm all for it.
It's like 75
degrees in here. We're talking about the master
race, right? Like Jewish belong
on the short list, Asians belong on the short list.
It does feel like white people belong on that short list. Asians belong on the short list. It does feel like the white people belong
on that short list, too. Of course.
Yeah. Who doesn't?
We're just being humble.
Wait, you named a lot of people, but you left out
one. You left out one major group.
It's also weird
to just say Asian.
Asian is so many different
kinds of people.
It's billions of them the yellows
thank you because as we all know the brown asians aren't doing so hot most of the time they have a
street i call i refer to it as the street shitting problem that they seem to have that's a tactical
way to go about it yeah Yes, the street shitters.
Look, I'm just guessing
maybe Tucker could chime in,
but I guarantee there's probably not a lot of
street shitting in Japan.
It is the cleanest city I've ever been.
That's how you can see the opposite ends of the spectrum
for Asian people. Over here, you got the Japanese.
Their toilet warms itself,
washes your ass for you,
and talks to you.
And it dries your ass right it does everything their tooth their toilets have bluetooth capabilities on the other end you
have and they've got a hole in the ground if they're upper class everybody else is just
shitting in the street shitting in the beach just shit shit shit everywhere and that diet
of butts with their hands you can't leave that out.
Oh, wipe it with your hands.
And then they lick it.
That's been disputed.
I'm going to snob that.
That'd be disgusting. The fact that Indian people
wipe their asses with their hands
in a group of Indian people,
their eyes all dart sideways
and they're looking to change the topic.
You brought it up with a group of Indian people.
Yeah.
They brought it up.
It comes up.
I don't know how it comes up,
but it's happened.
How do you segue into that?
They're like,
Jesus Christ,
look at your keyboard.
God damn.
Patel. Were they like,
Patel,
is that a peanut wedged between your keys? My assumption was American that they stopped over here. Patel, is that a peanut wedged between your keys?
Oh, my God.
My assumption was American Indians.
That's not even the right term.
The Indians from India that went to America have since changed practices.
Are those American Indians?
No, those would be Indian Americans.
You're right.
You're right.
The order matters.
See how I made a mistake.
The order matters.
See how I made the mistake.
It's the way that some guys will do the two finger thing.
Like I did last night.
Hold your fingers up the same way.
I had a terrible shit last night.
Look at these fingernails.
I never go like,
hey, you smell that?
I'm like, you didn't wash your hands at all
post-sex?
You really just let that marinate for a while? It's going like this in the shower. like hey you smell that i'm like you didn't wash your hands at all like post post sex like you
really just like let that marinate for a while it's going like this in the shower
i gotta figure my friend's nose real quick
got that old lady's like hair net wrapped around his hand
one of those things that you see in movies that just doesn't exist in real life. I've never known
anyone to do the two finger sniff thing.
I've never met anyone who said they did know
someone who did it. I've known a few teenagers
who've done that. Back when I was also
one. Right now, I know a few
teenagers. Woody, smell my
fingers!
It's the reverse. Woody's been doing it to
the kids.
Big thing in Iron Man.
Leagues ahead of you.
Careful.
Let's do an ad.
Hit him with an ad, Kyle.
Certainly, I can probably manage that.
Tell everyone a little bit about Dollar Shave Club.
They've got perfect timing, Woody,
to do some Dollar Shave Club
because they're going to be talking about
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hair gel, lip balm, everything.
As soon as I heard Dollar Shave Club had stuff other
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At the store, you have way too many options, and you can't tell the difference between them.
Then if you have any questions, the clerk usually doesn't know the difference either,
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They're just clerks.
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There is no better time to try the club.
That's right.
No more street pooping.
No more wiping with your dirty hand with those long fingernails.
Get those one-wipe Charlies.
Make it happen.
One-wipe Charlies are curiously strong.
And by the way, if you have any aspect of camping in your life,
don't be some kind of noob that brings toilet paper on the trip.
It's all about the wet wipes.
They package up.
They've got their better to carry.
They do a better job.
If you splash a little bit of water, your toilet paper is not what it used to be.
But if it's there, if it's a One-Wipe Charlie packaged up, that's how you do it.
If you're out in the woods, you might have a sweaty ass, and then you're trying to wipe, if it's there if it's a one wipe charlie packaged up that's how you do it yeah if you're out in the woods you might be have a sweaty ass and then you're trying to wipe and
it's just it's falling apart you know you don't have the the tensile strength that you need that
you do get in a one wipe charlie try and put your finger through the center of a one wipe charlie
you won't be able to do it you'll break the finger and if you're like me and like genetically
genetically inferior and that you're like extra susceptible to poison ivy i use something like a one white charlie to clean my shins after a day in the woods ah interesting
i've uh i've never got poison ivy before and i played in the woods a ton as a kid and so i
i either am the luckiest kid ever or i was or i'm not allergic but i'm not ever gonna
figure that out i'm not gonna rub it on me and say it.
At least not with an intent, you know?
I'm on the other end of the spectrum.
I'm one of those guys that can get poison ivy
if they go hog wild eating cashews
because they're somehow related
in barely the same family.
Wait, what?
No, that's a true thing.
Cashews are poisonous by nature
or the encapsulation around them or something before you husk it or some.
I don't know.
I've heard what he's saying.
It's probably true.
I've experienced it, yeah.
I can have a couple, but if I go to town, it's bad.
Cashews are like not a top ten nut.
Like they're one of those nuts that.
What?
You're insane. I'm not insane. What are the other those nuts that... What? You're insane.
I'm not insane.
What are the other nine nuts that are better than the cat?
Yeah, five 10 nuts.
I was generalizing because I probably can't name 10 nuts,
but I mean peanuts, almonds.
That's a legume?
Whoa, whoa.
All right, already a peanut.
Are you really going to call me a legume?
It's a nut.
It has nuts in the name.
Peanut is the worst nut.
Peanut is...
Dude, if you buy any kind of trail mix or something...
If you buy a trail...
They just shove peanuts in it
because they're cheap and shitty.
Oh, so that makes them shitty.
I love peanuts.
Peanuts are the best nuts.
In trail mix.
Like, you're that guy.
I don't...
Your opinion doesn't matter to me.
It's all in trail mix, you noob.
No, they don't.
They're the worst parts of... Macad I know they know macadamia nuts
Yeah, there's a cop to your nut
Chocolate
Mix and treat no, I can't I I don't eat trail. We were just
Good attempt I just like macadamia nuts are good Brazil nuts are good
Walnuts are pretty great. you have them in the right setting.
I knocked cashews down way too low, but they're definitely not top five.
How about pecans?
I like pecans.
Pecans are pretty nice in a pie.
I don't know if I've had enough pecans naked, you know, just popping some pecans.
They're big in Georgia.
Like, I think we grow a lot of pecans here.
So, like, it's something I'm very familiar with.
I fucking love pecan pie.
It's one of my top favorite pies.
It's nothing but sugar and pecans, but it's delicious.
I fucking love it.
A lot of people do it poorly.
Maybe you're in an area with more pecan pie skill than most.
But I find that if you get an apple pie, it's almost guaranteed to be good.
If you get a pecan pie, it could be anything.
But a good pecan pie, it could be anything.
But a good pecan pie is top of the line.
I think it's a southern, southeast area can do pecan pie as well.
And I'm glad that we all say pecan and not pecan.
Taylor's a pecan man.
He's from Missouri.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Freaking peasant.
I change depending on who I'm talking to, though, right?
So I'll say pecan to you, but I'll say pecan to someone else. It just depends
who I'm talking to, what they want to hear, right?
Yeah.
You're a real pleaser, Kyle.
It's the same thing.
I'm really thinking of everything.
Yeah.
You call it a roof to some people?
You call it a roof to other people?
You know?
It's always a roof. It's not a roof to some people you call it a roof to other people you know it's always a roof hey you know it's not a roof holy shit there's a hot a heat map on this is not as strong a heat
map as i wanted it to be i'm just gonna let you know i hear pecan and pecan i think they're both
fine yeah of course but yeah the peanuts pretty high up there and i like all the different kinds of
of uh peanut like the uh the honey roasted oh honey roasted peanuts are so fucking good
um yeah the skin on it i didn't mean it like that red skin yeah like like the skin on it yeah
yeah that's a derogatory term we won't have that oh my god tucker this podcast whoa sorry native american peanuts are my favorite
oh that's much more so derogatory yeah they yeah i like the spicy like red hot peanuts whatever
they're called just covered in like chili powder cayenne or whatever they are my mouth's watering
kitty's allergic so i i don't get many peanuts doing you a favor i don't get many peanuts. She's doing you a favor. I don't get many peanuts. I can eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just a spoon.
I can do that too.
I love peanuts.
I could just have a few spoonfuls of peanut butter.
I'd rather eat peanut butter than ice cream, given the option.
If you can have this pint of ice cream or you can eat this creamy peanut butter,
I'd rather take a few spoonfuls of the creamy
peanut butter than the ice cream. I haven't had
either since I cleaned up my diet.
There's just foods that don't exist for me anymore.
It's good for you. You've got those good fats in there.
How is peanut butter the one that goes?
One of the issues with peanut butter
is that it's mixed in with...
Actually, I have had it on celery, but
the bread is cut from the diet.
What you do is put it in your protein shake.
All my protein shakes have always had...
I don't measure it.
Just take the big spoon in the kitchen and just...
Just serving spoon.
Two fucking chunky spoonfuls of that shit goes in there.
When I'm making a protein shake, I like to go with a peanut butter and jelly sort of flavored protein shake. So, you know, throw a little
grape jelly in there, too. Not banana,
not chocolate. Oh, there's banana in there, too.
A handful of blueberries,
a banana chopped up. This is going to
be a meal. And you don't need to pour it.
You don't pour it into a glass. You just drink
it straight out of the blender thing. Sounds like you have to
chew it. Are you rocky?
I'm active like one hour a day
now, and it's like the pt on my leg
and then after that i gotta rest and like recover and stuff that drink would have the same effect
that it had on cartman for me like i was just gonna get bigger brag about how swole i am
yeah so you want a diet to extend lifespan? Like, what's your diet? Why are you cutting bread?
So I cut 23 pounds, actually.
I was too fat, and that's why I went on a diet.
I've kind of stalled.
I haven't weighed in for a little while, but I was 198, which would imply a pound back.
Anyway, when I broke my leg, I kind of just stayed level, and now I'm hoping to go back down.
Nice.
Much more reasonable.
Kyle, where are you at, actually, with the weight thing?
We haven't reconvened.
Yeah, I'm only at 162 pounds, something like that.
I'm just eating like shit, not gaining any weight right now.
I ate so much last night.
Dirty bulk?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't care.
I'm just trying to gain a little weight.
I'm drinking light.
This is Diet Pepsi, but I went through a a 12 pack of root beer the day before yesterday but like last night last night
i ate entire family i had two family-sized bags of doritos one was spicy nacho the other was cool
ranch and i had disgusting i i took half of each bag and i put it in a bowl that that looks like
you're gonna like make like an eight like a vietnamese person would like filter rice through
this bowl it's so goddamn big.
It's like one of those hats they wear but turned upside down.
Like an enormous bowl of those chips mixed.
And then I dipped them in salsa.
And I ate the entire can of salsa in one sitting.
And then I went and got the jar of queso blanco sauce.
And I ate half a jar of that.
Then I ate like 30 mozzarella sticks.
Frozen mozzarella sticks.
Just ate all those.
And for lunch, I had already eaten like half a large pizza.
So just lots of nasty, just awful for you.
Dude, you eat the way large reptiles eat, where you'll eat a meal, and then the next three days, you kind of just recover.
And then you eat another enormous enormous meal
stuff like so i was uh i've been going to the butcher about once a week and i'll get like 60
dollars 70 dollars worth of steaks these big boneless and bone-in ribeyes and i'll i'll i'll
cook myself a ribeye and then i'll make mashed potatoes and i'll take two really big potatoes
like like half pound potatoes i guess and so the amount of mashed potatoes that i'll take two really big potatoes like like half pound potatoes I guess
and so the amount of mashed potatoes that I put on the plate is a heap I mean it's like a double
handful of mashed potatoes like a full potato worth it's two it's two full two big two big
potatoes worth of mashed potatoes and I fill it with with a half a stick of butter, a huge squeeze of sour cream, a handful of cheese, salt and pepper, and I'll chop up a green onion.
Usually I'll fry up three sticks of bacon, and I'll crumble that up in there too.
It's hard to eat it in one sitting, so I'll just get crazy full, and then I'll be like, yeah, let me eat those cold mashed potatoes.
Get them all.
Get them all.
Oh, yeah.
I've been eating a lot of nasty shit
mcdonald's mcdonald's now has the sriracha uh like chicken sandwich or burger so i get one of each
i get two combos uh with large fries and large sweet teas to go along with them and i get uh
the sriracha burger and it's got like American cheese. It's a white cheese. It's melted to the meat.
It's got spinach instead of lettuce.
It's got sriracha sauce
and those crumpled fried onions on there.
I'll eat the chicken sandwich and the burger
and two large fries and two
large sweet teas in one sitting.
I fucking love it. When I'm done, though,
it's like... Chiz linked me to
Jim Gaffigan the other day.
He's like, when you eat it you're
just like oh god i need a cigarette now it's so much food i but but i really enjoy being able to
eat whatever i want and just like not really care it's that's crazy you've been eating like that
still because like a few weeks ago you were around the same weight you are now and you've just been
eating whatever you want yeah and god i'm so fucking jealous of because i know like it's not the thing because i do believe
and so does every scientist and nutritionist on the planet i would think that you know the big
thing that makes people think that they eat a lot is because they're not around people who actually
eat a ridiculous amount to get fat to where like if i go out to eat with a friend of mine who's morbidly obese and i get a big double cheeseburger
and they get a chicken sandwich in their head they're like he eats whatever he wants and doesn't
nothing happens but i really you know i eat that and i go home and i don't eat and they go home
and eat a bag of doritos and chips and they just graze all night like with kyle i'm just fucking baffled because you do
eat a ridiculous amount and i know you're not kenyan you're not running around like burning
calories all day like that's just crazy you know i i get i do stuff during the day but but like the
main thing is i don't eat breakfast ever never do i eat breakfast. I'm the same. I very rarely eat lunch.
I'm waiting until like when it gets dark.
Like this is the Kyle diet.
If it's dark out, enjoy yourself.
Enjoy yourself.
If the sun has gone down, just pretend like you're a vampire.
The feeding is on.
But you are a vampire.
You wake up at 3 p.m.
It's like the worst possible.
I always skip breakfast, but I get up at three all right i skip it
regardless like if i'm getting it even if i'm up at 8 a.m like like the the prospect of breakfast
makes me nauseous like i see these people eating like these big honking breakfast burritos and
like doing like a big like scrambled eggs and bacon and pancakes and it's like ah that's good
for dinner but like never would i want to wake up and then like fill myself with all that junk. Like I haven't, I haven't eaten breakfast since
I was in like high school, like, like eating cereal or whatever. I don't eat breakfast either.
I've always been really skinny right now. I'm like 145 pounds. And, uh, you know, I,
cause I love cardio and I know that that's weird for a lot of people, but I hate lifting.
I've always struggled to put on weight. Um, so there was a, now I'm like, I'm like you,
except I have a normal schedule. I wake up at seven 30 in the morning and I don't eat until
around noon and I'm just not hungry. Like I have a cup of coffee. I'm not hungry. And then, you
know, I'll have like a, like a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich that I make. And then that'll
subsist me till eight. And then when eight o'clock comes around, like I, I eat as much as I possibly can. But when I was in high school, I, I used to
win bets all the time. My friend would be like, Hey, uh, you should do the Chipotle challenge.
Eat three Chipotle burritos in 45 minutes. Like normal, normal burritos. Like don't scam,
like all the toppings, everything. I was like, yeah, sure. I got you. He's like, I'll give you
20 bucks, which is $2 more than the burritos cost in total in total i finished it in 33 minutes and
i was like all right like i'm very uncomfortable but we did it and we're fine and i could not put
on weight and it was just like because of all the cardio that i did now i'm not active still can't
put on weight not a clue what's going on what's your cardio like like uh or i guess you said you're not doing it as much
anymore what right well two months ago was when i started weaning off because my gym was just
dumb expensive and i was like yeah i'm not doing anything uh i would get onto the treadmill and
then i would do a mile warm-up run and then i do a two mile sprint and then do a mile cool down and
then i'd get off that's four miles and and the machine would say I'd burn like 300 calories I'm like great that's two beers but like that's
bullshit because I mean I like I'm a fit guy but I can't even do like 10 push-ups
in a row it's just like nothing sticks to me I can't figure it out I would
rather lift weights for two hours than run for 30 minutes.
That's about how long it took.
It took about 45 minutes to do that.
I wish I could take 30% of your desire to run, and I'll give you weightlifting stuff,
but I just want to be able to run without hating it.
I hate running so much.
At least when you lift heavy things, you can have a tv show on and like at the end like
you got a nice pump and so you're like god i'm looking good but like after running i like you
feel deflated and exhausted and sad when i get all right so one thing that a lot of people have
been telling me because i've been trying to get influence this is just blind trying to get
influence to to lift weights i hate the like effort that I have to exert to continuously get stronger.
There's no like, man, I feel like I'm getting progress.
It's like I still have to let heavier shit and there's still the struggle.
With running, I'm like, man, I'm flying through this mile.
My time's going down, but I don't feel like I'm exerting effort.
And I just blank out.
And then like 30 minutes later, I'm like, cool, I ran three miles.
That's how I feel about driving.
I can't do that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like driving with my body.
I was really not a lot of effort.
I'm flying through this mile quicker than the previous one.
I get myself like I will.
I hate running so much.
Every step is like a marching beat in my head of like a word and a sentence of me saying like, this fucking sucks.
I can't wait till this is over.
Like how much longer,
how long have I been doing this?
45 seconds.
Shit.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I think that there's definitely two types of people,
people who lift and can't do cardio and then a smaller subset that are just
like,
I just cardio and that's kind of it.
So there's a third type of person that doesn't do it doesn't do anything you're right you're right that's the
majority of people i think yeah but yeah i'm really i'm enjoying the workout the workout
thing we haven't done too much fitness talk recently everybody who's still doing their
fitness shit tell me how you're doing and if dropped off, give me your excuse because I'd love to hear that, you guys, your excuse for why you're not in fitness mode.
I haven't been doing the kettlebells because I can't walk.
Well, you want to hear it.
I'll just quickly run through.
It's getting way better.
I walk without crutches now.
I went to the mall yesterday.
I worked kind of hard today i did i got a new mower but it involved like climbing on
and off the tractor which is like a ladder a little bit and uh so i'm just kind of tuckered
out ankle wise but i can walk and i have this great like hope that now that like my primary
locomotion is walking around that it gets better really really rapidly. I'm ahead of schedule. The PT's happy and that's where we are. What you should do is you should do way too much and then surprise
your PT by running a marathon before he gives the okay. Turns out that's not how it works.
Defeatist attitude over here.
That would be so funny. You know those videos where it's like paralyzed girl gets up to greet
her nurse like i would love the intro like on fucking cnn or whatever like uh physical
rehabilitation patient matt had a tragic accident from his flying machine he's surprised look at
what happens next when he surprises his physical trainer. And then it's you, this 52-year-old man, getting up and running around as your young female.
In my head, that's very funny.
I know you're not 52.
I got very confused during the whole thing.
Maybe I am 52.
No.
40-something.
40 even, I'm sure. I i'll take it you're only 40 even
no i'm 44 okay i was like i'm 24 24 okay still young what's fun is that some of the guys like
i think hutch might be probably cnanners are about the age i started youtube at yeah they're
getting up there i started youtube as like the grandpa of the scene.
And now some of the old school guys are where I was, where I started.
You could have gotten put on a list for that Pax East trip.
Like all of you guys.
Oh, he did.
Oh, I'm sure.
There were people keeping their eyes on him.
They're like, who's that adult man walking around with that group of young boys?
Is he wrestling that one?
Yes, he has that tiny black child.
He's pinned him to the floor over there, buddy.
That's not even a thing that happened.
That is.
I mean, no, I don't think he wrestles.
We did some stupid shit when I was 16.
Did you get a PAX at 16?
I was 16 years old at PAX.
You were extra young. Yeah. I was 16 years old at PAX you were extra young
I was on par
for that age
T-Mart was young and I did hang out with him
but I hung out with Onslaught a lot
and he was an architect
it was like you and Bash
like the pseudo adults of the area
Blade
Blade
still not an adult i think no no i think he's proven that time and time again
uh i don't want to pick up you were at a you were at a tech show and so i thought this played into
that they uh there was a tech fair and a guy brought his his sex doll like his new you know design for a sex doll his real
uh no i don't it's not it's whatever one he designed he's the designer of it and it's like
a 3 000 pound sex doll and he was letting like people touch it currency i was like two a ton
yeah yeah 3 000 pound is in currency. This isn't a BBW robot.
It's a fucking Ford Focus.
Yeah, it's just the size of a sedan.
But if you touch it, like on its arm or its tit or its face or something, it will give verbal responses to you like,
oh, yeah, you're such a gentleman and things like that.
I watched the little clip to see
the little phrases and then uh she will say things like alexa put on romantic music like as though
she's a part of your weird robot sex life you know and apparently the crux of this story is that so
many men sat down to touch this thing and mess around with it, that they caused huge amounts of damage and it was left quote,
heavily soiled.
Let's see.
They mounted her breasts,
her legs and her arms.
Two fingers were broken and she was heavily soiled.
The broken fingers have you especially curious,
like what do they do with the fingers?
Yeah.
You know what I want to know about this is like, I, how many guys in, like, if 100 guys in, it was clearly heavily soiled.
Why did the next 300 guys have a grope?
You know?
How soiled is it?
Like, if it's covered in jizz, like, yeah, I'm not grabbing it.
But if it's dry, you know, and they just kind of manhandled it, like, I'll cop a feel, see what's out.
No, what happened was a bunch of Indian
gentlemen came in with their shitty hands
and grabbed this thing
everywhere and left shit stains all over it.
I was super disappointed that
they didn't have any
dating sim VR, like, sex robots
at Tokyo Game Show.
That was one of the huge things that I was looking forward to.
Not a single one. I think they got outlawed.
Probably because that's not sanitary.
Yeah, that's pretty close.
But the future's looking bright.
The future's looking bright.
We're not going to need women for much longer.
They're always talking about how they're not going to need us
with some artificial semen.
No, no, no. We're not going to need you.
We're going to be women.
Kyle, if there are no women who are going to build
all the buildings and roads
and go to war and
keep the utilities going.
Oh, I see what you're doing here.
Yeah.
I was like, wait a minute.
No, of course.
There's going to be a huge
uprising against the sex robot
thing. It's going to be a
big deal when somebody comes out and is like,
Hey,
it's just like a regular lady,
but you can turn the mouth off.
Like it's,
it's going to be a huge uprising of,
Hey,
you,
you,
you can't have those.
It's like,
why not?
You just can't,
you know,
you're powerless.
Yeah.
I mean, it'd be easier i can't imagine ever wanting a full a full human-sized sex toy of any kind whether you're a man or woman like that's that's
just a thing that you have exactly you just have to cohabitate with that thing
i've got itself i have to clean it? I have that.
I've got that enormous Zorgon thing
from the movie Rage, right? It's a
full six foot tall monster.
I just throw him in a closet, and if he
doesn't quite fit, you just push the door a little harder.
He'll fit. He'll fit. I was actually thinking
on a related note, if you have
children in the house, it's not that hard
to hide a vibrator or
something like that, but a six foot tall talking sex doll don't go into the closet please you have a six foot tall
sex doll you don't have children like yeah that's why it's just you the sex doll and your 300 a
month apartment that you're sharing with someone it's it that that's all there is why don't we
just why don't we skip the middleman
and just put me into one of those
second life machines
with an IV drip of food and a diaper
or just like whatever and just let me have
sex in virtual reality when you can get all the
stimuli. Just hook it up to my brain. We'll get
there, right? I feel like that's
more likely than having a self-cleaning
sex doll because I'm not going elbow
deep to clean out
the sex doll that I've been using.
Your dishwasher's safe. See, her vagina pops out.
Oh, you like, I'm...
Yeah, the vagina pops out. It's removable, and you just throw it in the dishwasher.
I've got a plan that will actually work.
Listen to this.
So one of my lawnmowers has a hookup for the hose,
and then you just run the blades,
turn the garden hose on, and it, like,
washes itself, right? Why can't we do this with the sex doll, right? Just, like, stick it in her ear, and then all just run the blades, turn the garden hose on, and it washes itself. Why can't
we do this with the sextol? Just stick it
in her ear, and then all of a sudden she
flushes out of whatever orifice
you used that day, and she's good as new.
What a mess.
These are all good ideas.
You could do it in your garden.
I'm sure it's fertilizer.
If you do it that way, you have to clean it outside.
Can you imagine?
Hey, Frank, what you doing?
You clean it out, Cheryl?
You could do it in the shower.
What if there was a shower attachment?
You bring her in there with you, you hook her up,
she flushes out, and then you throw her in the closet to dry.
Oh, man.
Put her away hard and put away wet, literally.
I'd be down.
My thing with all these,
you should watch the movie Lars
and the Real Girl.
It's a movie about a guy who buys
a sex doll and makes it his girlfriend.
He brings it to dinner
and he's taking her around town
and everybody has to pretend like it's
a normal thing. It's a bizarre movie.
It's really good, though. I feel like there's there's too much we've talked
about the stigma of uh men's sex toys before but like this has got to have a massive stigma on it
i would think but but but i disagree with that i would be down for one of these things but they're
just not realistic enough yet like when they get to the point where this is like ex machina or
whatever like like when this thing is indistinguishable from a regular person
like Westworld style,
I mean, who wouldn't want one of
these things, right?
It's only $4,000.
Yeah, that's a lot of money.
Check out this real doll.
Wow, I really don't want them to show a breakdown
of what's going on behind the face.
I do.
Why would they put that in the photo?
There's a photo here of what the real doll face looks like
and then a very disturbing
behind the mask
like an iRobot.
It looks like a regular woman was attacked
by a chimpanzee.
It looks like
Where's the photo?
Is there a different link?
It's on a real doll
Tucker Lincoln. I see like that on a real doll
Tucker link I see it my yeah
Go go to a male real doll. I don't know. What about the wicked real doll? Oh my god the meat Wow real dog too looks like if a Barbie became her if Ken became her fucking life-size
Oh, that's saget on the left!
Alright, let's look at Bob Saget.
Yo, he's got... He's shredded... Never mind, that's terrifying.
That's shredded Bob Saget.
Does he have a dog?
Let's see, he's got his collar popped and everything.
I literally have a giant
fleshy dick on my screen.
Yeah.
I think that qualifies as an 8-pack.
7, maybe. Can you imagine Yeah. I think that qualifies as an eight pack.
Seven, maybe.
Can you imagine just throwing yourself back and then turning and looking
and there's just that lifeless face?
Yeah.
That lifeless, just upsetting face.
And these are very,
if you go to the male RealDoll one,
these are some very feminine
Looking man right these are not like I want Nick real dolls to male config three
That's what I need any that Nick
Hybrid dolls what the one God's name can this mean? What's the boy toy dolls? What is that?
Well you can see him posed in their underwear with a raging heart on underneath it i don't think
you i don't think it doesn't go down it's yeah yeah it's just a perfect man
for owners now oh the hybrid doll is that they have forums well if you keep going you can see
that he's circumcised it It's not just imagination anymore.
Do you think they started off with an uncut real doll,
and then they circumcised it?
No one buys that nonsense.
No, no, no.
Then they had a bris.
Yeah.
They circumcised it.
They just have one model.
They all have foreskin, and if you request it,
they circumcise your doll for you.
Is that how it works?
All right.
I have to log in to view any of these threads.
I'm so sad. I'm going to buy Natalie here.
She's fairly affordable.
She looks ethnic.
I like that. Looks kind of like a
gypsy look.
She's got these big hoop earrings.
Dark nipples.
There's a thread from
October that's titled
A Doll for Our Dolls? As if you titled, a doll for our dolls?
As if you want a secondary doll for your dolls.
That pussy is too rough.
That is not an acceptable pussy.
That does not meet the cut over here on Natalie.
You would think if they're making...
What is this, a hybrid doll?
Yeah.
Wow, the ass looks...
The view from behind on Natalie here
is indistinguishable from an actual woman.
The view from behind?
Yeah, you're just seeing from her shoulders
to the top of her thighs.
You heard her butts there and the small of her back.
Completely indistinguishable from an actual woman.
Chiz, you're not showing these pictures to everybody, are you?
What the trends? I love the adapter. Yes, I just linked you guys
to the Real Doll Transgender
Adapter. If you can't
decide whether you want your
Real Doll to have a vagina or a penis, you just
buy this handy penis plug,
jam it up into your Real Doll's vagina,
and now you're having sex
again with the same toy.
Hermaphrodite. Hermaphrodite hey you know that natalie has a standard one slash brown option for her nipples which is 125
extra yeah i selected that's like putting the interior in an audi
that natalie picture the fifth one you're talking about kyle right where she's like yeah on these yeah
she yeah if you cover her face that's a real person oh yeah if you show her face you can
think it was just like a little you know hit two photoshopped or something yeah like yeah
she looks blurry or something oh this is excellent all right well i guess
that's only four thousand dollars right i guess we can bite the bullet. Can you write it off like taxes?
Yeah, of course you can.
It's cheaper than wheel room.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, and it lasts a lifetime.
No, but you'll get bored with it.
Just like with real women.
Now, that is the future.
If there's some sort of exchange program like they have these these
car leasing programs where everybody pays in a certain amount like 10 10 grand a month and they
have a pool of cars and you know corvette this month ferrari next month lambo next month you're
swapping the cars around we need a sharing pool for these fuck dolls right i'll wash it first
taylor chill out i'll wash it really into sucking nipples and one of them is long like one of those hot dog balloons?
What if I chewed it?
I'm going to chew those fucking nipples up
by the time they get to you.
Oh, God.
This looks like a piece of used gum, Kyle.
What have you been up to?
Christ almighty. What did you put in her ear?
What did you put in her ear?
Oh, God.
Kyle, I would trust you to clean your real real doll but the rest of these people in this
fictitious club that we've all joined i don't trust them because the kind of person who buys
a four thousand dollar real doll i don't i don't know if hygiene is on their short list
i don't know they've got their shit together if they've got four grand to spend on a fuck doll, I'm just saying.
That's true, actually.
Yeah.
Next time I see a nerd in front of $6,000 worth of Dungeons & Dragons
figurines, I'm going to have to
like, that guy should actually be pulling
tail. That's a lot of money. He has a lot of school income.
You could be fucking a
fake woman for that kind of money, right?
You don't even have to say anything to her.
Magic cards, you could have yourself a really intimidating piece of furniture. Dude,'t have to say anything to her cards you could have
yourself a really educating piece of furniture dude if i sold all my magic cards i could have
a harem of these bitches yeah actually seriously what are the conversion ratio like so it's four
thousand dollars a real doll how much do you have in magic cards like one and a half real dolls like
it's hard to even say because there's a difference in what I've paid for Magic cards over the years and what it's actually worth.
But, like, at least enough to buy not one of these 4,000 ones, one of these 6,000, like, high-quality real dolls.
You could get the Asian model.
Ah, nice.
You want a Jewish one?
Didn't we declare they're the superior race earlier?
Did anyone notice there were no black real dolls
yes not that we saw but that doesn't mean there has to be we haven't dealt that deep
because because all right in their frequently asked questions can i have a doll made of my
of a celebrity model or my ex-girlfriend is the title and they say we can't legally do a likeness
uh to anybody celebrity or otherwise.
And if they are deceased or fictional, we need approval from their trustee.
But you can submit a photo and they'll do their best to kind of make it look similar.
And I'm like, yeah, that's funny.
No, we can't do it.
But yes.
Yeah.
But like this came up on the Howard Stern show.
Real doll obviously came in was like a sponsor of some kind.
And one of the bits they did was that Eric the Midget, later known as Eric the Actor,
who's this little person with clubbed feet who talk like this.
And this guy in a wheelchair with the glasses and everything, all fucked up.
Just Google Eric the Actor.
He's dead now.
God rest his tiny, tiny little soul.
But there was a lot of bits they did to him.
One of them was they wanted to float him with balloons.
They wanted to attach enough balloons to him that he'd fly.
And he's terrified of that because they kept talking like they were going to do it for real.
And then they were like, Eric, we want to make a real doll of you.
And he's like, I do not give you permission to do that.
I will sue you, Howard.
And he's like, I don't need your permission.
I'm just going to do it.
I'm just going to do it.
We're going to make.
And Richard Christie and Sal and Gary, christie and sal and uh gary
the producer we're all like and we'll fuck it we'll we will all agree we'll run a train on you
eric we're gonna make a tiny little hand sal's gonna lose your little crooked mouth we're gonna
take your little club feet and stick them up her butts and he's like getting so fucking he's like
don't you do it you you're you're all gay you can't fuck my real doll of me it was it was some
of his best material
But they never made the real doll. I was all because
Like it could have lived on and this is a new producer. I blame her Marcy
They shouldn't have made a real doll of this guy. I'm looking at pictures of him and this is just making me sad. Ah
dude
He's club, can't bend like that. I'm clop-footed, you asshole.
There's an episode where they're like,
Oh, it's that guy.
Eric, we're looking at a picture of you.
What is wrong with your foot?
Is it in that shoe?
Yeah, it's in the shoe.
How can it be in that shoe?
It's pointed off to the side and twisted.
And they go on like this for like five minutes of asking questions.
Finally, he just explodes. I'm clop-footed you assholes it's it's a mean shit but the thing about the
way they pick on the retarded the mentally ill the the the addicted the the crippled the malformed
uh callers is those are people who normally don't get to join in with the group in real life and
then that kind of riffing and going back and forth and like shitting on
each other.
And that's what guys do.
They kind of make fun of each other.
They poke fun.
And they really liked that about the show.
They liked that.
They could call in and be treated just like everybody else.
Cause everybody gets made fun of that show.
And it'd be weird if just because this guy's a little person with club feet,
if they were like,
Oh,
hello,
Eric,
welcome to the show.
It's nice to have you.
No, they're going to shit on you. Just like like everybody else make fun of the fact that nobody shows up
to your events and you're club-footed and and you know you you tried to order a hit on somebody one
time you know it's funny who's on that show now like stern and robin obviously is jackie the joke
man on it is fred on it he's been gone for like 15 years or something like that. Artie replaced Jackie
and he was on there for years
and then Artie had his whole breakdown and then he's
gone. Artie's with Anthony Cumia now.
Artie's with Anthony Cumia right now.
Back on drugs again. You can tell he's on hay, snorting
heroin and or cocaine.
And there's
nobody really filling that chair.
Benji kind of performs those
duties. And the real duty of that chair is to sneak Howard jokes.
That's what Jackie always did.
That's what Artie always did.
They've got a little private IM thing going back and forth.
And you feed Howard jokes.
And it used to be on an overhead projector.
You'd sneak the joke on an overhead projector and boom.
Oh, Howard's got a hilarious line.
Howard's not funny.
Howard's a businessman.
He's a ringleader.
He's got something.
But you've got Sal, Richard, JD.
You've got the Howard News team.
You've got all those people still in place.
But nobody's really filling that chair the way they used to.
You know he's got a YouTube channel, right?
And I love all of his thumbnails are taken from the same angle on his webcam.
Like they're all the same.
Like the lighting is identical and shit.
That's his best angle.
That's it.
That's his best angle.
It's like mostly not there.
It's this.
It's like, yeah, I'm a person.
You can tell from the shape of my cranium, but you don't need to see what's below.
He's a real...
He's a little troll man.
To be fair, he's a real
shithead, too. This isn't a
cool, nice guy. He's a cunt.
He's a dumb little cunt. And he's dead now.
So God gives him a little soul.
He's down there in tiny person's
hell right now with
all those little fuckers that played
Ewoks and all the
gremlins,
all the ghouls.
All the different Mad Max.
Little people, all those motherfuckers.
They all went to hell.
Yeah, that guy from Mad Max.
How did that guy survive?
They just put him on a dinner platter.
There you go.
I would think that if you were a war warlord you'd want some oddities like that to sort of showcase your power like i'm so powerful and rich that i can afford to keep this little
gremlin man with me as a mascot oh oh you don't mean the new mad max well that was that was his
son that was a mortis joe's son and that was kind of the crux of the movie is that all the sons were
deformed in one way or another.
You had the little guy who was all crippled but very intelligent.
And then you had the big Mongo motherfucker who was enormously physically talented but, you know, retarded in some way.
And he was aiming, shooting for that, you know, a full-fledged son who could carry on his fucked up legacy.
son who could carry on his his fucked up legacy would you rather be the like crippled and handicapped but super smart or the total idiot but you're physically like imposing big with the
big idiot guy you definitely want to be him because like he's still enjoying sex like here's
the it's always it's always goes back to get like game of thrones said it's all about dicks isn't it yeah it is and like the big guy he can still enjoy fucking
some of those slave bitches i'm sure they're not as nice and uh non-pockmarked and boiled up as his
daddy's but doesn't care no he doesn't because he's not that bright exactly he's popping those
big pimples while he's fucking them. He's fucking the doggy.
He's like, oh, there's a nice foil there.
Oh, a little extra lube.
Yeah, a bit of boiled lube.
All right, all right.
They're just doing it while there's someone else there.
If they're the son of the head guy, aren't they all getting laid?
Isn't even the whatever the crippled person just pulling all the tail he wants?
He has money.
Assuming you can get it up.
The dad has a harem of non-irradiated bitches in that vault.
Literally the hottest women in existence in the Australian outback at this point.
So yeah, I guess the big guy can fuck some chicks.
But you saw those people on the ground that were clamoring for the water when they turned it on.
That's some sandy pussy.
There's some diamonds in the rough down on. That's some sandy pussy. Alright, that is some sandy pussy.
That's literally diamonds in the rough.
I think the correct answer
is to be the guy who can still fuck.
The vaginal
moisture is combining with that
outback irradiated dust
and making some sort of pasty irradiated
pussy paste. You don't want to fuck that.
I mean, if it's all you have,
you gotta, you know,
when life gives you lemons...
Life gives you pussy paste.
You fuck it. That's what the kids say.
Yes.
That's pretty fucked, though. I don't know.
I love that movie. I hope they're gonna make
a sequel to it. I hope they do a good job.
And I hope they don't fuck on Furiosa too much
because she did a good job.
But I kind of worn out on the female heroines just being like, oh, finally they get their chance and you're worn out after a couple movies.
It's ridiculous.
I don't know.
It's a special disbelief, I suppose.
Wonder Woman I'm so cool with.
Loved it.
She's half Amazon, half God. I'm totally, I suppose. Wonder Woman I'm so cool with. Loved it. She's half Amazon, half God.
I'm totally cool with that.
Because you've got an explanation for why she's decking people.
Oh, I get what you're saying.
But if you take, like, whatever with Charlize Theron.
Dude, any one of us here will beat Charlize Theron and make her look like a domestic violence poster.
All right.
Like,
like it's not even going to be a challenge.
It's not going to be a challenge.
Only if they put you in a self-defense situation though.
No.
Asking for it is what I'm saying.
You know,
you come home after a night out with the boys and she asked how many you've
had.
Right.
No dinner on the table at all.
All the voice of the body though.
You don't want it to show. They're coming.
You know?
Counting drinks?
That's a douche move.
Yeah.
Like Sonny.
But sometimes the explanation for women being like now a peer of men is just it's the future.
All right.
Yeah.
You know, 30 years from now, all women have like extreme Ronda Rousey martial arts skills.
And it's crazy.
In the future, men will be stronger.
I don't know, man. No, men will get
fat and lazy because we're on the top, and then
the women will fight their way out, and then
I lack the ability
to do 10 push-ups, but
Gal Gadot over here could kick
my ass. I don't think she could.
No. If it came down to
a real fight, I bet you could
take Gal Gadot or Gado
however you say her name. False.
Bro, I...
She's almost my height.
She's 5'10". She has
training.
She has very little testosterone.
You could kick her ass. I don't either. I beat off
a lot, Woody. I got no reserves.
Oh shit, does that change your testosterone?
What wasn't I told?
I'd look like Taylor.
Why do you think I have no beard?
All right, one of us here.
That's the secret.
You have to save it up.
Build up a reservoir.
It just starts coming out of your cheek.
I'm just keeping it in jars.
Does that count?
No.
No, it doesn't count.
Have you tried microwaving it?
Yeah, it's so much fun.
I make omelets out of it
so you can recycle that testosterone back into your mix.
This makes sense.
That's how Taylor does it.
Yeah.
You think
an egg white omelet is good for you?
Please. You masturbate for you? Please.
Masturbate for a few days.
It usually takes about seven days of masturbation
to make a good omelet, good-sized omelet.
That's about one egg for me.
You add egg white in with it, stir it up,
a little salt, a little pepper, a little green onion.
You don't need any salt.
We're all unified on this.
That's why I can't grow a beard.
It's a lot of water
the whole point is that you could beat up
Gal Gadot
Kyle easily
even if Tucker
she could hit me as hard
as she can
and it's not
first of all it's going to sting
because her fists aren't big enough
like Rogan was talking about this the other day
about fist size and head size mattering in a fight.
And I don't remember what, I think he talked about Nganou.
He showed Nganou's fucking hands.
That guy's hands are so goddamn big.
He talked about Foreman's hands.
It matters.
I don't have enormous hands, but I wear extra large gloves.
I don't know what they weigh.
If you chop my hand, my fist off and weight it,
that fucking matters because that's the weapon I'm hitting you with it's a ball
paint hammer versus a roofing hammer and
Surely muscle mass matters frame matters and there's and there's a lot of technique to throwing a punch, but I'm okay at that, too
I know how to rotate my wrist and I understand like the footwork of it
I I put everything into a punch. I hit my heavy bag pretty fucking hard. It goes funk when I hit it
You know, all right, it's gonna go tap. Yes. There's no dent. She can't dent a heavy bag with a punch. I hit my heavy bag pretty fucking hard. It goes thunk when I hit it. She hits, it's going to go tap, tap.
There's going to be no dent. She can't
dent a heavy bag with a punch.
This segues into the
animal talk fighting,
I think. So, I had
an expert write to me. Let me read it to you.
Now that I reread it, he wasn't
completely complimentary. Let it go.
Also, far out.
Taylor and Kyle are such pussies when it
comes to animal fights i'm a farm veterinarian and i have wrestled a few agitated 500 kilogram
adult cows to the ground with just my hands and restrained it i'm six foot four 125 kilograms
having hands and arms is such a fucking huge deal capital letters you can just crank its neck and back around
on itself shove it upwards and they fall over obviously there's a limit if a 700 kilogram bull
with a thick strong neck then you're gonna have no chance but yeah they're afraid of an ostrich
or a swan give me a break i'll protect them that guy's a dummy first guy i want to see this guy
in the ring with an ostrich, and I want to be
there close enough so I can see
in the two seconds that he has
alive after his heart's been torn out
as his blood pressure drops to zero, I want the last thing he
sees to be my eyes going,
fucking idiot. You fucking idiot.
What did you think was going to happen?
Let me ask this.
Here's what I think. Is an ostrich
neck really strong enough to overpower our arms?
You can't grab it.
Talons.
No, of course it's not.
You will not be able to grab it.
It's like a raptor.
They have these long, sharp claws, and they lean back and fucking hook at you with a lot of reach, and they go for your guts.
You don't think they're going to peck at you?
Wait.
No, of course not.
That's not their weapon.
What do they lean back on?
They don't have tails.
Their neck is like a snake.
It just leans back, and he's going to come at you with these neck's like a snake. It just leans back.
He's going to come at you with these big claws
like a velociraptor and gut you.
Wait a minute. I feel like you're giving him a kangaroo tail
in this situation. Ostriches just don't have one.
How does an ostrich
lean back and get you with its feet?
They don't fly. They're flightless birds.
The neck is like a snake.
It just moves back.
It has these big long claws that comes at you.
It's very intimidating.
Wait, where are the claws?
They're on the feet, right?
It's able to forward at you like a front kick that's a slashing front kick.
That's how they fight.
It's got a thumb-sized claw like as big as my thumb and sharp.
Now, he's talking about livestock.
Now, the first clue that you, sir, are a pussy is that you measured the livestock in kilograms, okay?
Pussy. That's how you immediately sometimes that's just the way you have to measure your cows of course you can't it's a domesticated animal i've done that same move you put them in a little
bit of a headlock and twist their head watch any rodeo and and they just fall you you can you can
overpower that animal really quickly we're not talking about that kind of animal.
We're talking about wild animals.
We're talking about heat coming at you, like with rapid fire front legs.
We're talking about alligators and sharks and stuff.
We should watch the video that I just linked.
I just watched this shirtless dude.
It's.mp4, so you know it's raw.
I just watched a fucking outback dude get his ass kicked by an ostrich.
Oh, but at least we'll see the fighting style.
All right.
Now, here's the before.
I haven't watched this yet, but oftentimes when I see people versus animals, the people are not fighting. I see deer beat up men, and the men just get in there and get beat up.
I'm like, no, no, no.
I need a guy that's in it to win it.
I'm doubting this guy is going to throw
right hook.
Did you timestamp it on purpose?
I timestamped it because this is where the ostrich
gets pissed. Chizzy, you ready?
Alright.
I'll do the countdown.
3, 2, 1, play.
Alright.
Look at that
fucking dance, first off.
So far, the dance is not intimidating me.
I'm a master dancer myself.
This is a little ostrich, by the way.
Yeah, this is a very small ostrich.
Alright, so here's our challenger.
Shirtless.
Look at this guy.
The people's champion.
And I hate you you big fucking bat.
Okay, this guy is wearing...
He throws a rock at it.
This guy is shirtless, wearing shorts,
pouncing around. Now he's running
from the ostrich, because he's clearly not happy.
Get some, mate.
And now he's being trampled by the ostrich.
Oh, God, no.
He's not picking at him. He's not telling him. He's not picking at him. He's not
not even attacking.
But you can see the size
and the feet.
If he gets you down...
My gosh. A better fighter could have
grabbed that ostrich's neck four times by now.
That ostrich might not be
a representative ostrich.
I don't think either of these people
were the champions of their race. Let's just leave it there.
Guys, let me
ask you real quick. Do you think that ostrich
looked like it was about nine foot
or so in height?
Not nine. Oh, because that's how big
they get. That's how big an ostrich is.
They get to be like nine fucking feet tall.
So when you see those talons, that's like
a piece of rebar that it's going to be
slashing you with.
I give it to you, So when you see those talons, that's like a piece of rebar that it's going to be slashing you with. And, like, no.
I give it to you.
A swan.
Any one of us could kill a swan.
It might get a few bites or licks or smacks in, but we'll kill the swan.
An ostrich, full-grown ostrich, is going to kill the best fighter on the planet.
Because it's going to kick you right in the chest, and you won't be able to do shit.
I'm on the other side of this issue.
I am more confident than ever
after watching this ostrich fight
because all that thing did was belly bop.
It's a very little ostrich.
That's a teeny little ostrich.
That's not the kind that I have tangled with before.
I've seen emus in Texas
and they're gargantuan.
They look at you like...
They look really aggressive and scary.
But that's not the animal that I would throw out there for can a man beat up an animal like maybe maybe you could like i
don't know i've never fought one but a deer like that's what we usually talk about is like could
you fight a deer and no no it's gonna that's just they're they're big they're muscular and when
they're in the rut it depends how how the animal is motivated and breeding season for most animals
is as aggressive as they get.
Like when they talk about it on Rogan all the time, how like normally the male elk are
all hanging out together in this little bachelor colony during the summer months.
And then the rut comes in and they fight to the death, you know, goring each other in
the neck and the guts and stuff like that.
So I don't know if you're between that ostrich and some ostrich pussy.
Maybe he fucks you up.
I don't know.
Maybe, maybe not. I feel like if you're dressed appropriately andich and some ostrich pussy, maybe he fucks you up. I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I feel
like if you're dressed appropriately
and you got a little protective gear on, some gloves,
probably get...
If you get him tangled up, you probably kill that
ostrich, right? If you're armed at all, you kill
the ostrich. But that's not...
I don't know how to kill an ostrich.
You're bludgeoning it
to the chest? What you're going to do is
you're going to grab its neck and go aha
Yeah, like grabbing a snake
I mean if if you're like if you're like Colin or Conner McGregor and you just ran up and you you got like a couple
Really good body shots. Do you think it would traumatize the ostrich enough to be like
we're fucked? No, I think the ostrich
then starts flailing and
how do you come back? It's like wingspan
all this shit. He's gonna get one
strike in at best
and then that leg that's twice
as long as his arms is gonna come forward with that
giant talon and punch right into
his fucking stomach
and empty his bowels that that could
definitely happen they have they look they have sharp claws that are really muscular when you
look at it you're like oh that's like a calloused scaly big paw of a foot you have like it's really
you gotta see it like but i don't think the ostrich is a great example for man versus
animal combat like there are many other animals what would be the most even but entertaining
man versus animal fight?
Like a small crocodile, maybe?
Like a caiman?
A white versus a mouse?
A mouse?
No, yeah.
I get it, honey.
I kind of like the caiman answer.
I'm trying to think.
How big is the caiman?
They get pretty big, but the smaller ones i've seen like
on that jungle show they were catching seemed like they were about a meter long you know what
about i just want to translate for that that's asshole gentleman who messed about links are too
links are too small i don't know my cats that well i want a i don't want a tiger in there i
want like a golden retriever size to catch i'm scary like a lynx i have a lot of
so yeah like um like i often say that kyle and taylor are off target with this because i think
they have a lot of respect for a weapon or for animals that don't have good weapons right they're
herbivores all they do is like eat grass off the ground and run in the in the face of danger and
i'm like i don't know i just feel like i could take these things that what are they even going to do but cats cats are predators and even smaller
ones like there's a hyena could you fight a hyena because i feel like that would no that would
huge mismatch because predators things that kill other animals for food know how to kill other animals things that like um i i don't know i'm
trying to what is the animal that runs from like cheetahs and they jump really high gazelle i was
going for right so gazelles do have it's pretty scary looking horns but like gazelles don't fight
really they just run yeah you could have made me up a horse there's a good question no like
ram no the horse the zebra that will kill you you know they they they they kick they're really big
you know how much they bite you ever seen those horses bite a kid and just sling him
yeah like a horse will bite you so fucking hard and you have no weapon that the horse
will even care about that's like how how strong would you have to hit a horse in the face to even like stun it like that's just solid muscle like bear sized
right and i would never think i could punch a bear in the rib cage and even really get its
attention right like i'm not silly but if there were a miniature horse so like a uh
golden retriever sized horse i think I would fuck it up.
Even though it's a wild animal or whatever.
You know, it just doesn't have the weapons. A pony.
Like a Shetland. I want to see you beat a
Shetland pony to death. A pony would outweigh me.
I don't know how they do it. I want to see you beat a Shetland
pony to death.
Well, you're lucky I've got some video.
I would pay $1,000 to watch.
Yeah, we want to watch this video real quick. Let me know when you're ready i would pay a thousand dollars to watch to watch woody
fight a shetland pony to the death and woody can wear nothing but gamer shorts and boots
i just like i just i think of a horse because you know i like my friends had horses even like
the small ones and they're just it's just Like, there's nothing else there. It's just a
muscular being, and you're like, I can't,
I could, like, spear kick
this horse, and it wouldn't do shit.
You're cute at zero, everyone. And they're big.
Yeah, count it out.
This is one of my favorite movies. Three, two,
one, play.
He just one-punched.
Well, now we know.
That's fucking Schwarzenegger!
Yeah, that's what happens.
He hit the horse so hard the guy on top of it got knocked out.
And then he got cummed on and he just...
Donkey cummed that fucking camel.
Bob's a fucking camel.
Yeah, I...
I forgot how silly this movie was oh it's ridiculous he's conan the barbarian
he just punched another horse that's what he does just punched a camel in the back of the head
fuck yeah i love conan that's some good shit he barely spoke english he was selling he was
speaking those lines phonetically fucking governor of California eighth biggest
economy on the planet fucking millionaire six our Kennedy fucking
beast of a man thanks camel punching amazing like to bed he really fucked it
up when he cheated on his wife like He could have been a Kennedy. Wait, he cheated on his wife?
Yeah, he fucked his maid.
Are you joking?
His maid he had.
He fucked his maid.
He had a child with her.
And he in secret supported the child or something.
He had a secret family that he didn't love or something.
He was pretty scandalous.
He's the Terminator.
He's about to be the terminator again so here's what they're doing with the terminator uh uh uh
series or whatever they are they are completely red conning um terminators three four and five
they're gonna call that an alternate timeline that basically didn't matter didn't happen
they're gonna make a direct sequel to terminator 2 with uh linda hamilton and Hamilton and Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Cameron coming back
to fucking direct. I'm excited.
Wow, really?
That's actually interesting.
How is Schwarzenegger
going to be an action star? Isn't he in his
70s or something?
He's a Terminator.
So, you know, CGI and such.
You really just need him to deliver the lines
and then you got the CGI Terminator actually doing anything like crazy physical.
It's not like the Terminator was ever like doing anything really impressive.
It's always slow calculated movements.
It's always like he's like a crushing machine.
Like a pretty good CGI.
Because if it's like the Rogue One CGI, remember that guy's upper lip was just a little wrong all movie long.
And in like Leia didn't look quite right. I don't want a little wrong all movie long? And Leia
didn't look quite right. I don't want a whole
Terminator movie out of that. I don't think it's going to be
that. I think he's going to be aged. He's going to be
an aged Terminator and they'll explain that
some way. I don't know.
We decided to age our robots too.
Never mind.
Did you watch the most recent Terminator that had
the Khaleesi in it playing
Sarah Connor?
No, I don't think so.
Okay.
Well, in that one, there's time travel.
So the Terminator's age, because it's living tissue of a metal endoskeleton.
So that ages, and you go in the future, and you've got the girl, the Khaleesi.
I can't think of her name right now.
She's Sarah Connor.
Daenerys.
Daenerys is there. Well, that's a picture of a failure.
she's Sarah Connor. Daenerys.
Daenerys is there.
And so she plays a very poorly acted, shitty version of Sarah Connor.
She did a bad job. All soft-bodied
and shit. Fuck you.
And you got an older Schwarzenegger
because he's been waiting on her to pop out of the time
machine for like 35 years or something.
And it's very well
explained is all I'm getting at. I don't know
what Terminator 3 is going to be, but I'm excited because it's and it's very it's very well explained is all i'm getting at i don't know what terminator 3 uh is gonna be but i'm excited because it's getting the band back together
with regards to amelia clark everyone acts like she's like one of the hottest women around and
look i appreciate a good you know denaris naked shot or something but i always thought she like
again it's the line i keep using if i go to the mall i'll find five women as pretty as
amelia clark sure amelia clark's like a seven and a half out of ten uh out on out on the street Again, it's the line I keep using. If I go to the mall, I'll find five women as pretty as Emilia Clarke.
Sure.
Emilia Clarke's like a 7.5 out of 10 out on the street or at Mall of Georgia.
But the thing is they're not attracted to exactly what Emilia Clarke.
They're attracted to the idea.
Whoa, disagree.
They're attracted to this millionaire, famous actress portrays like a really cool character it's
by the same but the same reason that i'm attracted to um live tyler when she's playing arwen in lord
of the rings live tyler and she's like a seven seven and a half out of ten again about as hot
as amelia clark i think but arson hard eight and a half maybe. Let's see. Tucker's got a good picture here.
Oh, when she's on the red carpet?
Like, she hadn't just sat in front.
That's $10,000 of work they just did to her.
Yeah.
They were around her like a fucking NASCAR.
Are we doing...
She doesn't look like that.
She's got the contouring on her face.
She's got her hair done up.
She's wearing a $3,000 gown.
Her makeup was done by Picasso.
Here's her in a t-shirt.
Alright.
But it better be a real picture.
I don't want it to be the cover of Vanity Fair.
Okay, you're right.
That's still on like a fucking...
We can find some...
I saw that chick at the mall.
She had bigger tits.
She had a tits.
She had a bigger ass.
Talent's attractive, Kyle.
Just because she works Starbucks and looks the same doesn't make her more attractive than Emilia Clarke.
It makes her even more attractive because you don't have to deal with all that bullshit baggage. You don't have to win over the movie star who's known to 20 or 30 million people.
That Starbucks chick hot hop in your
camaro amelia clark does will not sounds like you don't like a challenge oh yeah you go after the
movie i will i'm gonna tweet her right now hey the whole thing right now right now i'm gonna hit her
up right now yeah i couldn't get um fucking fucking Rebecca Black to reply to me at my peak.
Good luck with Amelia Clark.
You thought you were a pedophile.
Let's be honest.
I was trying to set her up with T-Mart.
It didn't work.
Oh, God.
By the way, no dice.
Wait, is she not?
What's her fucking Instagram?
I don't know.
Or Twitter.
What was I going to say?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I just feel like they overrate her.
And by the way, you say she's a seven and a half,
and I'll give you that.
Maybe even eight.
She has one tweet, by the way.
Those are the bottom scores in Hollywood.
If you're an eight as a Hollywood actress,
you're the ugliest girl in that show.
Gal Dego is an example of a gorgeous woman.
Gal is outstanding.
There's your nine and a half or whatever.
She's a little flat chested and her butt's not that great.
I mean, let's be real.
She's not a 10.
Gal Dago's not a 10.
She's just a gorgeous woman.
We didn't bring this up, but all Israelis have to serve in the army, so she has combat training.
Gal is not like a...
What does that mean though did she
ever do that thing where they put on the football helmet and they get out there with that like
double-ended baton oh and they start like i don't know they can train her for two years and then
i'll fight her and i'll beat the fuck out of her i'll be on top of her with all 165 pounds of me
or whatever and she won't be able to budge she'll won't be able to budge. Her arms don't reach to my face. The other thing is not
everyone in the military or
Israeli military or otherwise
is like, you know,
walking forward with M16s
attacking terrorists. I watched
a thing about it. But there are videos of her doing
just that. Yeah, they did weapon training.
Maybe weapon training, but that's not
her job, right? They all do weapon training.
And then afterwards she goes back and she does human resources
for the military or something.
Chiz says that she was a combat trainer.
Okay.
I still take
Kyle in that fight.
I can agree that it would be
a lot more even than me fighting.
I would lose instantly. She could hit me once
in the face and I'd be like, well, that was unexpected.
I'm going to leave now.
But, you know.
Can she defend a double leg?
When I shoot on her, what's going to happen?
I thought she was going to drop.
Oh, let her guillotine me
because I'm strong enough to just remove her hand
from my body like she's a child.
We need to crowdfund this right now.
Yeah.
How much would Gal call us?
Look, she's like a nine and a half out of ten. I'd love to right now. Yeah. How much would Gal call us? I'd volunteer.
Look, she's a, like I said, she's like a nine and a half out of 10.
I'd love to get my ass beat by that gorgeous woman.
Who's she married to?
Kyle's just saying that he wouldn't get his ass beat by this gorgeous woman.
He would be the one in the end, you know, with his hand raised in victory.
I mean, look, I'm sure we've all wrestled with a girlfriend or a wife or whatever at one point or another.
And then there's that moment where you're like, bitch, please.
I was just kidding before.
Now it's time for a tickle fight.
Now I have both your wrists in one of my hands, and I'm going to tickle you mercilessly until you say you're about to pee because that's the only thing that will make me stop.
I don't want urine on this couch dude that
that's like the the odd thing when you're like you know play wrestling with a girl or whatever
like you can do that like kyle said where you take these two fingers and you hold the wrist
and you just use the other ones to hold the other wrist and you can just it's not hard because the
like you just have as a male you have a stronger grip and bigger hands.
And have you ever done the thing where you just lay dead on a girl, fooling around, like, oh, I'm all limp and I'm dead.
And you'll say, move me.
Get me off of you.
Move me.
What if I died when we were having sex?
What would happen?
And then it's just like, ah, move.
I can't breathe.
Get off.
And it's like, oh, my god, you'd be fucked.
You'd be fucked when I fucked.
And by the same token, you can virtually,
it's harder to bench press a woman
because of the weight distribution and they don't
have handles and everything. So like,
bench pressing a 120 pound woman
is a real fucking struggle. It really is.
Oh, versus like a bar?
Yeah, yeah.
120, I'll just crank them out but 120
pound woman it's like there's this balancing act and you're you're the way the weight is
distributed and the way that like the flesh isn't like a bar that you can put like on the right part
of your palm and it's hard it's really really hard i can do it doing a pelvis and then neck and then that's
Yeah, it's like the thing but like it's you know It's nothing wrong with the the woman being weaker or women being weaker like I bet you all agree with me like there's something
Like really cute and endearing about how much weaker they are if that makes sense
For yourself, I'm mostly weaker than the people that I makes sense. You guys are speaking for yourself.
I'm mostly weaker than the people that I'm dating.
I just want you to know that.
Like, look at this.
I am not a fucking specimen of the male species here.
We're striking a specimen.
You're the cardio specimen.
You chase down deer and wait till the deer die. See, that's how you overpower women.
You would exhaust them.
You chase the woman by mile three when she's,
Oh, I'm good.
Oh, you can overpower her now.
Now she's all yours.
You get a little pull hitch, a little duct tape maybe.
Do you know your knots?
You want to learn your knots.
Yeah, Tucker running away from an apocalypse is going to be
a-okay enjoying himself i'm going to make it a hundred yards before i have to like take a
bat out and start breaking people's shins next to me to give myself an edge it's like i'm so sorry
i just can't breathe i'm gonna have to slow this to a saunter for a bit you know what time it is
oh i know what time it is to Oh, I know what time it is.
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yep uh come out in the description well i don't know it shouldn't even be politics we should all be on the same side here did you
read the thing about the russians stoking the national anthem thing who's still coming everybody
600 twitter accounts with russian influence operations pushing both sides of the debate
which i thought was interesting they're just just trying to sow the whole red-blue divide thing.
The Russians are doing it hard
on both sides.
Yeah, man.
I mean, look,
this is anecdotal,
so take it with a grain of salt,
but I had a...
in November of 2016,
so almost a full year ago,
Ivanka Trump tweeted,
oh, look at my little boy.
Uh, happy birthday.
He's eight months old.
Like that was the tweet, like happy birthday.
He's our little boy's eight months old.
Maybe it wasn't Ivanka.
It was one of the Trumps.
Right.
And I was like, I, I like quote tweeted and was like, well, that's the dumbest shit I've
ever heard.
A birthday is every 12 months.
That's like like not even
a debate this is no debate here like this is uh and you know so we got a lot of flack from like
i'm a grandmother of two from missouri and i'm like great thank you for your input still doesn't
change this all of a sudden uh about three days ago or four days ago i I have had hundreds of tweet responses to my initial retweet, as well as I
was with an envious player, a Call of Duty player, all of them being like, well, why the fuck do you
even care that, you know, she's free to do whatever she wants, and then somebody else,
like, these are people that are only retweeting very political stuff. They all have a very interesting pattern in their bio.
And it's, I am a mother, father, grandmother, grandfather,
whatever of X, Y, Z children with X, Y, Z education
who cares about these three things.
Like that's all of their bios.
And it's hundreds.
Like even right now, I'm sure I can scroll back.
I've been muting them as I go, but it's just like, I don't know why, but this tweet is
nine months old.
And so I asked somebody, I was like, how did you find this?
They didn't respond.
So I asked somebody who was clearly American, like you're fucking stupid.
You can't change the thing.
I was like, how did you find this?
And he goes, I don't know.
It just appeared on my timeline. I'm like, what do you mean? Just
somebody promoted it with money and it appeared on your timeline. Cause you can do that. You can
promote somebody else's tweet, but like, it's just a really weird situation, um, that I've been
noticing from my very, I try and remain on Twitter outside of politics just because, you know, whatever.
You don't need the headache.
Right, exactly.
I'm very happy in my little world here.
But it's just weird that this is such an absurd influx recently.
So I don't know.
But, I mean, it seems like it's bot accounts or at least weirdly specific accounts with an agenda.
That's interesting that you noticed a pattern as specific as like,
I am a blank from blank
with blank kids and I care about
abortion rights.
Or I care about pro-life.
Or like, just fit the
like a Mad Libs kind of thing.
I just wanted to know who's liking
these tweets that are responding to me.
Who the fuck is
seeing the tweets from a
response from something nine months ago
and then going, let me engage in this conversation
and then who's seeing that and going, let me agree
with this person engaging in a conversation that came
out of nowhere. And, you know, I spend
a lot of time on Twitter, it's our job, all this shit
and it just made
absolutely no sense. Yeah, three
days ago is when it started.
And thankfully, it was Ivanka
saying, I can't believe that Theodore is eight months old today. Happy birthday, little teddy
bear. And I, and I said, I had somebody defending that it was fine to say happy birthday. Birthday
is the day of your birth. This is not a joke. Like this is not a debatable topic. I don't care
who you are. So it's just weird. That's pretty apolitical. Right. Now you can't like, I don't
care who you are. So it was interesting, but, pretty apolitical right now you can't like i don't care who you are so it was interesting but um yeah i i can obviously completely get behind the idea
that there are a botnet or some paid individuals that are stoking any flame whether it's left or
right leaning there's people paying to stoke flames just trying to upset people yeah hundreds
of people working from home for a dollar an hour.
It only takes 200 Twitter accounts
or 200 people with four Twitter accounts
and you can astroturf the fuck out of any
conversation.
Yeah, but
the more that they expose this
Russian involvement, the less
impressed with it I am. Because it's like,
oh yeah, they had thousands of
bots on Redditdit stoking
really that changed the the united states election was some facebook posts and uh well like you guys
made it sound like there was this this far-reaching global hand that was reaching down like the new
world order and and taking power like like you're telling me that it amounts to a little internet
trolling i see it differently I see how easy it is.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I see like, you know, like, oh, what was the – I wish I could remember what it was.
Oh, it was about net neutrality.
And we found out how much these companies donated to the people to get them to vote against net neutrality.
And it was cheap.
It was like something I could come up with.
I was like, I did an ad for Taco Bell for less than a year selling my freedoms away.
I tweeted that.
I said, wow, I literally did an advertisement, one Instagram post, and this person is going to vote against my interests for three grand.
And I was like, okay, all right, guys.
You should have ponied up the dough and bought yourself a politician, Tucker.
If it was 100K, I would have been at least semi-understandable.
That's a lot of money.
You've touched a nerve here.
So if PKA started ourselves a lobbying firm, what are the things that we would try to get pushed through?
Cheaper, more interactive sex dolls, right?
Yeah.
Honestly, whatever they pay us to do.
No, we pay to get the things done.
There's no more us.
Now we're in the catbird seat.
These are the things that we want happening.
Yeah, yeah.
We want to legalize midget fighting across the southeast
because, unfortunately, it's been outlawed down here.
Only the southeast.
We want bare-knuckled midget fighting.
We want to get that back in.
And, you know, i feel like there should be
more i'm tired of those blurred vaginas can we somehow lobby the japanese government perhaps
go international with this and the lobbying yeah international lobbying firm i feel like we could
actually make some headway on there you know like the japanese have a weirdly strange like uh sexual
issue right now if we just unmask the Japanese pussy and dick,
we could be the heroes they need.
I don't want that.
Do you think that the reason
that they have vaginas and penises
pixelated might be
to try and make their population
get out there and have sex for real
instead of looking at porn?
Have you thought about that?
I think it's a decency thing.
The pixelated pussy
and dick, by the way,
because I like to see the penis too.
I don't want to see some pixelated rod
invade a woman.
For all I know, there's nothing there.
You know what I would do?
If I'm a Japanese porn star,
I'm like,
could you pixelate the next few inches too?
Well, there's nothing there.
Give me nine inches of a
pixelization.
I'm with Kyle on this.
I think that part of the reason the pixelization
has persisted is that they have
unattractive genitalia as a race.
It's a little smaller than it needs
to be. Kyle, look,
I'm on the same team as you.
Kyle was saying this.
Kyle was like, look, I think they're a little dark, right?
I think there might be an unattractive genitalia amongst that race.
I hear what you're saying, Kyle.
I'm glad I could vocalize it for you.
And that does make a lot of sense.
I find the Japanese vagina to be very attractive.
There's usually not a roast beef in that sandwich.
It's usually an any pussy.
Coin slot.
Coin slot.
Coin slot. Absolutely. As's usually in any pussy. Coin slot.
Absolutely.
As I'm flipping through Reddit... You don't like something to play with?
Something to slap around?
That's what Flitteris is for.
It looks like a boy.
Play it like a harmonica.
I don't like when you take those balloons and you go...
No. I don't like when you take those balloons and you go No.
I don't want a pussy that you can play like a woodwind instrument. No, thank you.
No. I want any vagina
that looks like a man
created it. No, I like it to look like a
half-deflated air mattress.
You know, the folds are starting.
And we should shame the women with ugly
vaginas so that they go get
that labiaplasty. Look, if my balls looked like they were a Ferengi's ears And we should shame the women with ugly vagina so that they go get go get that Plastic
If my balls look like they were a Ferengi's ears down there or something and we're just these big
Orbs of like random stuff and they leave and they earwax or something you better believe I go get some testicle surgery to make these
Balls more attracted to you ladies. All right, I would
genetic of walls by the way
like for the three you want so so i think that a tall nutsack i don't i disagree sometimes
sometimes in porn you see where the guy's nutsack is so taut and his balls are so small
that there's just a little bump there right below his dick and between his dick and like
you want a healthy hang i want a couple of
big balls down there not wings redemption balls you don't have to have two big extra large eggs
moving around and like a beanbag or anything no i don't need that but but i'd like to know that
the man's got some testicles down there this isn't some like a surgery job fooling me or something
so yeah there's definitely a testicle aesthetic and there's almost a hundred percent there's a
pussy aesthetic that you must
live up to or I'm just not on board.
I don't want to go down
on somebody and say I'm thinking
Arby's. I want to
make sure... We have the meat.
Yeah.
Oh, there's already horsey sauce on it.
I really prefer Arby's sauce.
I love that horsey sauce.
Like, everybody shits on Arby's like it's dog food.
Arby's is just dog food.
Fuck you all, because I'll tell you what.
Occasionally, I go to Arby's, and I love it.
I get the big roast beef and cheddar with that melted cheddar.
I put a whole packet, if not more, of that horsey sauce on there.
I get the extra large curly fries, maybe some of their mozzarella sticks
because they're not bad there.
Ah, it's delicious.
It's delicious.
I love that roast beef.
Mmm, look at that picture.
If you don't already follow Nihilist Arby's, now's a great time to do so.
On Twitter?
Yeah, it's just an account that tweets very, like,
this Labor Day, remember to slave thankfully
at a soulless task you hate for most of your life
only to die poor and forgotten.
Enjoy Arby's.
Sold?
You sold me on an Arby's sandwich with that nihilism.
Fucking delicious.
It's fucking delicious.
Better than Taco Bell.
I'll take Taco Bell any day.
I'll bet you will.
Yeah, I would take Taco Bell.
I'll take that 15% meat over 100% roast beef,
microwaved-esque weird onion bun bullshit.
I love the onion roll too. I'm a big fan of that.
They have great fries.
Nobody can claim that Arby's has shit fries.
That's for sure.
They're great. I love fast food.
I know it's low-grade food, but
if you pick and choose and get
the good stuff from each place,
there's some good stuff.
I like fast food. Wow, Arby's is
way shittier than I thought
in terms of net income. They only net
$16 million a year.
Really?
That's less than PewDiePie.
They need toast.
Dude, those
food chains, their margins are
razor thin.
It's like that roast beef.
Also, nobody's eating Arby's because it's fucking awful.
It's not good.
What do you think the
worst grossing largest
company is? Because I would think it's Arby's.
And the fast food industry.
I mean, that's it's got to be like most locations with the least margin.
So Jack in the Box fast food, I guess.
Yeah, I would guess Jack in the Box because their menu is so inflated with so many different products.
They have fish sandwiches, chicken sandwiches. They have hamburgers.
They're open 24 seven.
It's just just pointed out.
They have like three different kinds of fries. They just haveurgers. They're open 24-7, as Chiz just pointed out. They have three different kinds of fries.
They just have too many products. Jack in the box,
I would guess. They have a
$131 million net income
per year. It's a bigger company.
It's off-topic, but is Radio Shack still a thing?
No. I think I've seen
a Radio Shack exist. They might be
privately owned now. They made that
big Super Bowl push, not
this past year, but the year before
maybe three years ago and then because they were failing and they were like oh let's put everything
we've got into a super bowl ad campaign that kind of makes fun of ourselves and they like like like
they're gonna be the the new papa john's and advertising when john was like hey our pizza
shit but we're changing we're changing try us out that's what Domino's is doing now. Now they've been the most profitable pizza joint.
I had pizza
when I broke my leg in California or Nevada
or wherever I was. The only place it delivered
was pizza. I think it might have been Pizza Hut.
Who does cheese in the crust?
Pizza Hut does that.
Oh my god. I didn't know how good
that was going to be. The crust,
which is always a throwaway part of the pizza
for me personally, became the best part of the pizza i was suffering through the pizza because i ordered
too much to get to one more crust i don't throw it away i eat it but uh you know or papa john's
they have that garlic sauce which i like but um dude yeah the garlic butter pizza hut has
pretzel crust which is the goat tear your crust like you could have a pretzel
on the outside of your pizza that's just oh i like it i mean i don't understand throwing away
the crust at all because i love all kinds of crust on my pizza but uh i saw a commercial
while watching south park last night for because i don't see commercials very much because i usually
do netflix and hulu and shit like that but i was watching south park the new one on on tv and one of the commercials it was
a taco bell commercial and they are now making a taco and it's a fried egg with a bunch of taco
ingredients in it and it looks amazing just like what the fuck outstanding what's happening all right so as somebody who's
all right so i have been to the taco bell test kitchen i have tried products that have never
existed in fact my ps4 all right well it was a it was a paid campaign my ps4 is from taco bell
uh and so like the sin a twist that they have i got to test the crud cheesy fucking like nacho
to go bullshit i got to test and i gave them a hearty no this was horrible and they still sold
it and it did great so apparently i'm not great at doing this yeah so what do i know but they had
these apple fried bites which might have been the worst thing I've ever had.
It was like a deep fried apple batter
around an apple, like little munchies,
but they wrapped it in Doritos dust.
There has never been something
that I put in my mouth
and take a bit, a bite.
They have crunch delight.
That's probably what they changed it into. Those are awful, too.
The Cinnabon bites
are the best. You've got this
cinnamon sugar-coated fried donut
sort of thing, like a donut hole, and when you bite
into it, it jizzes in your mouth with frosting.
That actually sounds
pretty good, actually.
It's so good. I thought you'd like it.
Every time you take a bite, it's just
busting a nut of deliciousness right down your gullet you'd like it. Every time you take a bite, it's just busting a nut of deliciousness
right down your gullet.
God damn it. I miss good
food. You miss good food.
We're talking about Taco Bell
energy balls.
Okay. I miss
that little chihuahua.
A few things that made me feel
alive, like getting a McGangbang
and knowing what I'm doing as I pull up to the drive-thru and I get two McDoubles and a McChicken and the person's like, I know what you're doing with this.
Just cramming it together in an unhealthy sandwich and eating it.
Try out McDonald's signature sandwiches.
They are good.
When people order off the menu unexpectedly when I'm with them.
when people order off the menu unexpectedly when I'm with them.
Like, it's only happened once where I've been in a McDonald's, and someone's been like, yeah, give me a McGangbang.
And then the person's like, what?
It's like, it's, uh, and then I'm sitting there in the passenger seat,
as my buddy's explaining, we're like 18 at the time,
and I'm just like, oh my god, this is so fucking embarrassing.
Like, they're gonna think I am I eat gangbang sandwiches, too
And the other gentleman in here would just like a McDouble please
What the chips is right the in-and-out secret menu is actually great because it's like
Specifically made for idiots, you know like a flying Dutchman is four patties and cheese with no bun or anything else
So they just give you four patties in cheese with no bun or anything else. So they just give you four patties
and cheese. Low carb.
Low carb.
High fat. High protein.
I was one of those idiots that
went to In-N-Out and ordered a
grilled cheese sandwich.
Because at the time I wasn't eating cow, the whole
revenge based vegetarian thing.
Everyone was going to In-N-Out. I didn't want to be a downer.
So I just went there and ordered a grilled cheese sandwich.
Dude, it's straight up a hamburger
with no hamburger. It's like
the lettuce, the tomato,
uncooked, the cheese on
a hamburger bun. As you would expect
a grilled cheese sandwich.
I would have expected
bread and cheese.
And no lettuce and tomato in a grilled cheese
sandwich. it wasn't
really tomatoes good on there i've never had lettuce okay that's good i'm with you on that
but not cold tomato like you get on a burger it's a melt it's it's on a cheeseburger like bun though
grilled cheese sandwich isn't on a bun right if we're gonna talk about if we're gonna talk about
fast food we can talk about we can talk about how in and out when i
first tried it for the first four times like i tried it drunk i tried it sober like in and out
didn't really do much for me and then somehow it flipped a switch in and out is definitely my top
two fast food behind chick-fil-a yeah like i don't know what happened i have and it was kind of a
letdown like i liked what it was but it didn't do anything for me
that other fast food restaurants have done to me.
You know what I mean? It was good. Which one are you talking about?
Sorry, I didn't miss the question. Whataburger.
Whataburger? Yeah, Whataburger's pretty good.
I've had it a few times. It never
blew me away.
One of my favorites that's up there
with Chick-fil-A is Steak and Shake,
and I know they don't have Steak and Shake everywhere,
and I don't ever do any exploring on their menu.
It's always a Frisco Melt.
Because there's nothing there that's better than the Frisco Melt.
I know, man.
I'm a big fan.
Yeah, yeah.
I've gotten a few different things on there.
I like that place a lot.
Five Guys kills everything.
Five Guys plays.
Yeah.
I think of that as a different class than like a drive
yeah it's earned that for sure um i wish five guys had a drive through it it would just be
non-stop around that thing i bet their quality would go down though oh i definitely would that's
the reason that they're so good now is like you wait in line uh i haven't been there in so long
because usually i all i still remember the feeling after the last time
i was there and it was just like kyle described of gorging yourself where i got some double
cheeseburger with every large large fries just everything yeah and then a large fry you know
and 75 calories that's how much my meal there costs. I calculated it. It's 2,275 calories for a double bacon cheeseburger,
a large fry, and a large drink.
You're fucking putting...
You're saving a week.
You literally have to cry.
Do you feel good afterwards?
Yeah.
Oh, I feel so good afterwards.
I'm like, oh, I feel satiated and full.
I'm full of love.
This must be how a pregnant woman feels on one of the days when she's not nauseous. You're full. I'm full of love. This must be how a pregnant woman feels
on one of the days when she's not nauseous.
You're glowing.
I'm a little greasy.
That's all that is.
The oil's all over me by this point.
It's just a wonderful feeling.
There's a little life inside of you.
God knows how many cows had to die to make that burger.
They're all crammed in there.
I don't know about you if you ever think about this, but it's
hamburger, so God knows how many different cows
are in each bite you're taking.
Maybe three.
No, of course not. Who cares?
I love it. I saw a picture on Reddit the other
day, and it's like a cow on its back
with its legs tied
up together on a hoist chain,
and it's laying in this sort of vertically
inclined funnel contraption, and they're about to slit slit its throat and bleed it out and they're like
is this worth your hamburger and i was like absolutely fucking lutely you want me to cut it
you want me to cut it i'll use a chainsaw on that bitch i don't care like oh it's so good i know
this was like a joke for a lot of people but i watched supersize me uh when i was working a a
desk job back in mary Maryland in high school and,
you know, watched how unhealthy it wasn't all that shit and shit. You not shipped over,
went and got McDonald's. Like I was just hungry at the time. I know that it's unhealthy, but like
everything in moderation, you know, I, it doesn't bother me. Like, yeah, it's more humane, I guess,
to slit its throat there and not make a mess and go out into the wild
and jab a knife into it and hope.
You get it, right?
As soon as we're done here, I'm going to McDonald's.
As soon as we're done here,
I'm going to McDonald's and I'm going to get enough
food for two people and I'm going to eat it all
while I watch Preacher.
What's Preacher?
Preacher, Woody, is this show
from AMC about a preacher in Texas.
So you've got that downside kind of thing.
Yeah, he's in Texas, modern-day Texas, and he has the power.
I won't spoil anything, but he has this power to make people do whatever he says.
When he speaks with the voice, he can make you do anything.
So he uses and abuses that power power and as the show goes on
there's a vampire in the show um it it's and it's exposed that there is this gigantic global
organization called grail that is uh that is pulling the strings on everything there this
power uh there's a scene where like he walks into the room and there's the pope there's the
archbishop and he's like i thought you should meet these guys i have a clip that you should watch from that thing because
there's a character in the show called hair star h-e-r-r-s-t-a-r this bald scary freak of a man
who were who's like the leader of grail and and you get to see there's a six minute clip of him
going through the training program to see if he's going to be selected as the new cadet or whatever.
And it's awesome.
Like, first, the guy's like, we've come quite far with weaponry,
but sometimes there's no excuse.
What am I looking for?
Excuse.
There's no substitute for hand-to-hand violence.
And, like, the cadets take turns walking into a wrestling ring
drawn on the floor with a collegiately dressed wrestler.
And he's taking people down, slamming them and stuff.
And then here Star walks in there.
And the first thing he says to the crowd,
the group of initiates and the trainers,
he's like, I just want you to know
that I take no pleasure in what's about to happen.
And he just stands there, and this big wrestler guy takes him, puts him in a rear naked choke immediately, and Hairstar pulls his dick out and starts jerking off.
And the guy's like, whoa, what are you doing?
I'm self-consummating.
What does it look like?
And the guy kind of lets go of him a little bit, and he throws an elbow and, like, throws a couple of cheap blows and then kicks him in the balls and throws an overhand right and knocks the guy down.
And the trainer's like, you see?
A distraction, no matter how unseemly, can sometimes give you the edge and an engagement.
And while he's saying this, Hairstar walks off screen and walks back on screen with a golf club and goes whack, whack, whack, and kills the guy right there and then just walks away.
whack whack and kills the guy right there and then just walks away hair star is such a like lateral thinker throughout the whole um training thing that that he there's a part where uh what's
a lateral thinker i haven't heard that term before it's someone who thinks of a different way to
accomplish the task and and it sort of ignores the rules as such as they're laid out to him and
finds a way around them to do things better
absolutely captain kirk's a lateral thinker so the the the trainer goes or the head training guy
who's like the leader of the organization he says since the days of cleopatra romance and sexuality
have been weaponized and so they're doing this thing where there's a beautiful woman sitting at
a table and this really good looking initiate who's trying to get the job he's like 30 years old really like ideal looking male guy he sits down
he's he's flirting with her he's like i think that you and i share something like like most people
don't and i think we could be together and we could be together forever but i just need you to
bring the microfilm to the train station can you do that and then he kisses her and then the light comes back on and
the woman goes whoo anybody got a copy of that microfilm like this guy just nailed it and then
he's like hair star you're up air star is a bald 40 something year old man with this star-shaped
scar all over one of his eyes and the eyeball is white he is not a good looking guy he sits down he goes give me the microfilm you bitch or i'll
kill you and your family he's also like a total like uh i don't know that works too yeah yeah
yeah like oh okay he's like a total masochist so like they're sitting on this chair with the
jumper cables attached to the bottom of it electrocuting their balls and like everybody's
screaming but hair star just sitting there kind of enjoying it a little bit too much he's like ah this chair with jumper cables attached to the bottom of it, electrocuting their balls. Everybody's screaming, but Hairstar
is just sitting there kind of enjoying it a little
bit too. He's just like, ah, yeah.
Just kind of nodding as he sits
there. How many seasons are there?
I'm on the second season. The second season is
much longer than the first. First season is 10 episodes
and I don't know how long the second season is,
but I'm 13 episodes into it.
I'm enjoying it.
There's some supernatural stuff going on.
Hell is a thing in this.
Do you know how many seasons there are?
Does it go to six?
I think there's two right now.
I think I've only seen the first one
because her star doesn't sound familiar.
Yeah, it gets better in season two.
Hitler is in the show
because one of the characters is stuck in hell wrongfully. And so you go down to hell and Hitler's there. And the way hell works is you relive your worst memory over and over. And you get to see Hitler's worst memory. And it's really funny. It's really funny what his worst memory is. And you see how it twisted him against like the jews and the fascists
and uh and all these different groups of people all at one time this is one little incident he
has so i recommend it i guess it's not a like four star show or anything but it's better than
a lot of stuff that i've watched it's not garbage tv and i like the guy who plays the preacher the
most annoying thing about it the only thing i don like, is the preacher's girlfriend is this five foot
tall chick who's some kind of badass, apparently,
and she's always beating up men and stuff.
And that irks me,
as you know, because it's just unrealistic.
What, she's just tough?
That makes sense.
She gets really angry when she fights,
and as we all know, being very angry when you fight
means that you're a good fighter.
Just like when you angrily take a test you didn't study for you know you the answers just come to mind i get so angry
when i play guitar i don't know how to play beethoven's ninth but i'll put you i will now
you know bang away on it no yeah it's uh i like it a lot i i've been i've been consuming it pretty uh pretty heavily
the last three days i guess four days something like that i i'm liking it i like all the characters
there's a lot of interesting weird fucking characters in there and uh the preacher himself
especially the beginning he's like he doesn't want to be a bad guy but people keep kind of making him
be a bad guy and this guy's like threatening him at the bar and like the guy beats him up a little he's just taking it he's taking the punishment not not fighting back
and then he goes i guess i got another whooping to give and what he means by that is he's going
to go home and beat his son because his son told the preacher about some domestic abuse at the at
the household and he's like don't you touch it boy he's like what what'd you say or else what
he's like or else you'll hear a noise he's like you hear that
boys i'm gonna hear a noise what kind of noise kind of high pitched like a bunny trapped in a
bear trap and and everybody just kind of shrugs at this and they attack him like four guys attack
the preacher he beats the fucking shit out of all of them with like some boxing and wrestling and
just fucks them all up and then uh he gets the guy who he told this to about the
noise and snaps his arm so the the bone sticks out of his arm and the guy goes
let his high pitch scream it's it's a good show i like the violence that's that's what i really
enjoy there we go it comes to i'm really digging the violence lots of people getting shot like
heads getting blown off like like lots of gore. The vampire is a really funny character because he's a fucking vampire.
He's British.
It's good shit.
They always make vampire to be this tragedy, this terrible thing, a thing you desperately want to avoid.
It's like a superhero.
Pretty cool, yeah.
Yeah.
One thing I like about the immortal life, I talk about the show too many times, is the wealth that comes with it, right? Everyone,
it's easy, easy, easy to get rich.
It's just hard to get rich quickly, right? All you have to do is
put some money aside and it'll grow and you'll be rich.
It's a piece of cake. If you live 500 years,
you're an idiot if you're
not rich by then. So,
the vampire thing seems
really nice. And I get it. Everyone around you
dies. Fire up
a new family every so
often or turn them you can't even you can't have sex you can't get an erection wait and uh
you're dead you're full of you're not you don't have any blood i don't think you watch many
vampire shows because the lore that i see you're right i don't so much oh my god yeah yeah and in
this show he fucks a lot. Always getting some whores.
You know, always fucking whores.
He loves drugs, too.
Like, the vampire in this loves drugs.
Like, he wants the hardest drugs there are.
He's tricking the angels.
He's just lying to them.
He's like, yeah, yeah, I can totally help you out, but I need some drugs.
You know, some heroin, some black beauties,
some uppers, some downers, some blues, some reds,
some white angel dust. And they're like,
we have money? Oh yeah, that'll do.
How much you got? I'll just take a lot of it.
Just takes all their money and it's just whores and
drugs and he's just shooting up enormous amounts of
heroin. It's good
shit. It sounds pretty good.
You're selling me.
Season two is better.
There's excellent
bad guys in the show, and Hell is
really fascinating to me, and Hitler.
The guy playing Hitler looks a lot like Hitler, or at least
enough like Hitler that I'm into it.
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Did you guys hear today that uh it's sad news we probably don't want to dwell on it too long but uh julia louise strifus
has breast cancer i saw that on twitter earlier today i did see that that is oh elaine from seinfeld ever see v
yeah hang up on him oh oh oh is her name julia yeah all right so that's all right so i honestly
like halfway through your description of your show you were watching i was on twitter uh joe
biden tweeted like uh about about said like we we we veeps
stick together and then like we're with you julie and i was like i don't know a female vice
president so this is to me vice president is he standing with that's what i want to know but i
don't know so that's i mean it was like a nice nod so all right nice tie-in understandable cool
i mean not cool shitty that's something important to do, Biden.
Not cool. Shitty.
Yeah, I just...
Yeah. Seinfeld
was before my time.
A much bigger blow, if you ask me.
We lost Hugh Hefner. That's what I was gonna say!
Like the...
The Playboy Bunnymaster himself,
right? The king of misogyny.
I must be an asshole.
I feel like I just envied him my entire life,
and now I'm glad he's dead.
So there's my feelings on you, Heather.
And he lived to be 91,
and so it's like he had a long, lustrous life
with as much speed as he could get a bunch of men.
No scandal.
We never heard anything about Hughes
sticking pool cues up models' asses or drugging women or using underage girls for photography. Never did we hear that. This guy has been dealing smut since Marilyn Monroe, and not once did we hear about any impropriety coming out of him at all. Never once. I mean, he sells naked women, and tastefully, if I might add, he's no Larry Flint.
No open pussy, no
roast beef going on over there.
That's because Hustler is better
than Playboy.
And that's what got Larry Flint shot in the
fucking spine. So you could say
that Hugh Hefner made a better choice. Wait, what?
I would assume so, yeah. You don't know the whole story
about Larry Flint?
I don't keep up with the...
There's a movie with Woody Harrelson in it
called The People vs. Larry Flint
where he portrays Larry Flint.
And yeah, this assassin who had decided
that he needed to take Larry Flint out
shot him in the spine coming out of the courthouse
and put him in a wheelchair
for the last 30 years or something.
I think Flint may be dead now, too.
You don't really hear much from him because his voice is pretty fucked because of you know the
the crippling gunshot larry flint did that i always liked he um he used to put bounties on people like
if for example if a senator or something was particularly going after porn or gay people
he'd be like all right the first one who has a picture of you know senator what's his name in a in a compromising position gets two hundred thousand dollars and every now and then
he'd get him yep he uh larry he's still alive he's only he's 74 yeah larry flynn has been
has been uh campaigning and uh lobbying for your perverted rights since the fucking 70s all right
you want to talk about a real american hero forget julia louise dreyfus that billionaireess who starred on larry david's
show is that true why i thought i heard it wasn't true he looks like a slug i think the truth may
be that she doesn't she hasn't directly inherited a lot of that money but her father is a billionaire
and it's like old-timey money right yeah i know that i know it's true the point may be whether it's her net worth or it's considered her net
worth and it really depends on what your relationship with your father is like some
people it's a big pool of money in the family and some so to some people you're like that that movie
uh or that true story of uh the richest man in the world that's that's coming out pretty soon
about that he was literally the richest man in the world this huge coming out pretty soon about that. He was literally the richest man in the world. This huge oil tycoon worth
billions and billions of dollars. His grandson gets
kidnapped and I think they wanted
$7 million. Maybe
a little more.
He was like, no.
They were like, what would you give?
He's like, nothing.
They cut his ear off and sent
it to him. He's like, eh.
In the end, he would only pay a ransom of like $2.2 million
because that's the largest amount of money he could write off on his taxes.
That's so hardcore.
What a piece of shit.
No, no, no.
If I'm the kid and I was like, all right, you literally made me get tortured
and got my ear cut off, but I get the rest of your wealth?
Like, okay.
We chilling.
I'd be like, okay, Dad.
Okay, Dad.
I see you.
Grandpa.
This is Grandpa.
Yeah.
There's a movie coming out about it.
And fuck, who plays the guy completely changes his look.
Oh, it's Frank Underwood.
Who plays Frank Underwood?
Kevin Spacey.
Kevin Spacey.
God damn, Woody. Pow! You know, I have my talents, and that's one of them. Who plays Frank Underwood? Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey. God damn, Woody.
Pow!
You know, I have my talents, and that's one of them.
Naming actresses.
Kevin Spacey has a full facial transformation.
He's wearing a fat suit.
He's aged to like a 70-something-year-old man,
and he's virtually unrecognizable in this movie.
It's coming out soonish.
Yeah, you got a little image there.
Maybe show the people.
Look at that.
Wow!
Face to you. Barely you got a little image there. Maybe show the people. Look at that. Wow!
Face to you? Barely.
And that's Larry Flint.
No!
That's the other guy.
Okay, I was making sure.
That also looks like the same guy. I got it all for ten minutes right there.
I went on the Wikipedia page of Larry Flint
to see what was up.
Larry Flint looks like a decrepit man that's got leprosy.
Like, he's dying.
Bro, in that wheelchair with the catheter and everything,
he was still finger-banging, like, hot, dirty chicks all the time.
Like, get your ass over here and squat on my face.
Yeah.
They put the guy to death who shot him.
Ooh, Larry Flint?
Yeah.
Yeah.
In the good old state of Missouri.
That's how you do that. Where you can do that.
Five states you can do that, yeah.
No, you can do it in way more than five states.
It was just a number that I pulled out.
It's just a number.
It's just that Missouri is the only place where they still pull them apart with horses.
Honestly, I think it's a little tactless when they put one arm in St St. Louis, one in Kansas City and then one in the other two corners.
It's just, yeah, it's too much.
I like that.
That's my favorite thing that you guys do.
Is it Missouri that did the firing squad like 20 years ago to 2025?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Yeah, they were just people like you could do this other way.
It's like now we're going to gun them down.
Like I requested it.
Oh, I would, too. You could do this other way. It's like, no, we're going to gun them down. He requested it. He asked for it.
I would too.
Look, if you have your choice,
and it's lethal injection, electric chair, or firing squad,
take that firing squad.
Yeah, pull it to the head.
They dashed the heart.
Because you're going to be dead in 20 seconds tops,
and you're not going to get your face melted off
and scream there in agony while you roast,
and you're not going to be paralyzed with some drug and scream there in agony while you roast and you're not
going to be paralyzed with some drug while you slowly asphyxiate or in incredible agony we don't
know what the effects of those lethal injection drugs are how much pain or suffering can we can
we do heroin overdose what is the drug i like the i don't mean that we as a group don't know i mean
that human beings that like there's no saying, can I just heroin overdose?
Can I go out
in a cloud?
No, they won't do that for you.
It seems like they could lube you up with some propofol.
Gas inhalation is straight up.
Yeah, that's me.
That's California and Arizona.
You want to get shot?
I think it's six, maybe seven guys.
They shoot you right in the heart, or they try their best.
That's a lot of gun
shots, man. I'm not down for that, because
then you're just in agony for
about 20 seconds. I don't even think it takes
that long. I think you're just boom, dead.
It's only one bullet
that gets you. No, no, no.
That's the opposite.
It's that one of the rifles is firing a blank,
and of course the operator knows, because the recoil is
vastly different between a blank round and a
real round. But no one else knows who
the man out there who fired the blank round
is. But I think it's...
Until the guy who shoots.
Well, they all shoot simultaneously.
Yeah, but the guy who shoots the blank round is like, this is a blank round.
Yeah, he knows, and he doesn't
say anything.
I always did wonder that. Like, huh like huh yeah that's how it works that's interesting i thought it was a bunch of
blanks and then one guy instead of the opposite but i guess you want to make sure you hit him
does the guy know he has a blank and he doesn't say anything or the shot until after he shoots
yeah no one knows what's everyone has the idea that there could be a blank in their gun but
after you fire the recoil recoil is vastly different.
Wait, so what's the point of even doing that?
Possible deniability.
Also, as to pulling the trigger, you just don't know for sure.
I think it's all like a mental thing, really.
So you don't necessarily know you killed someone.
So six people killed somebody, but one person's like,
I didn't kill him. Well, all seven one person's like, I didn't kill him.
Yeah. Well, all seven get to
think, maybe I didn't kill him.
But the recoil is vastly different, so
they do know. Unless it's
just a completely untrained person firing
a rifle for the first time, which you wouldn't think would be
the case, you'd think they'd be warming up
for a day or two.
I'm going to Washington. Hang me.
Maybe more accurately, all seven people think, maybe I'm'm going to Washington. Hang me. Maybe more accurately,
all seven people think maybe I'm not
going to kill him. Exactly.
Yeah, that's the...
I don't know why that's better.
I don't really either.
Because then you still walk away going,
yeah, I probably killed him.
Yeah, I don't know why that's necessarily better either.
But the fact of the matter is,
regardless of what anyone says,
the guy with the blank knows, and the guys who fired real bullets, they know too,
because blank rounds are... I don't know how to compare it to something else,
but it's like drinking a regular Coke versus a Diet Coke.
You know immediately.
No, that's a terrible example.
It's just like getting slapped and punched.'s like it's a perfect slapped and punched i
don't know like exactly you immediately know you're like oh that was a blank that is a blank
and you've got that real coca-cola oh that that's the real fucking thing i could feel it yep yep
all caramely my teeth hurt that's the good shit my teeth are sticky oh yeah yeah i'd love some
coca-cola i'm gonna fall off the bus or the wagon.
You guys talk about all this lovely stuff.
I had almonds for dinner.
Oh, that's sad.
I'm going to eat two pounds of French fries.
I had vegetables too.
I could eat some vegetables.
They have French fries.
There's spinach on the burger and the chicken sandwich at McDonald's.
I really like that.
Instead of lettuce, little spinach leaves all over there.
Iron? Yeah. I guess.
I didn't know there was iron in there. I get to look forward
to a strawberry protein
shake before bed, and that's
no snacking. Before bed,
huh? I'm gonna make
a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.
That sounds pretty good.
Grab the eggs?
No, I'm going to over easy
and then get a nice little olive oil drizzle
on that artisan bread.
Put it over a griddle.
It's already super red.
It is. It's a little bit thicker.
Just a little bit thicker.
So it's like one and a half slice thick.
I like my eggs over hard
so I don't feel like I'm wasting anything.
How do you cook your bacon, Tucker?
I oven bake it.
There you go. It's the correct way. So I don't feel like I'm wasting anything. How do you cook your bacon, Tucker? I oven bake it.
There you go.
There you go.
It's the correct way.
400 degrees. You flip it over eight minutes.
Yeah.
And then it maintains the shape, but it's still got that crunch.
I like it crunchy.
Yeah.
And crispy.
I don't like bendy bacon.
We're not Europe.
I'm not trying to have ham for bacon.
This is not a debate.
He's going to get some almonds. Yeah. He's going to get some almonds yeah he's going to get
some almonds like he's eating like a rodent a poor guy oh my god dude i did that just literally
last night where i was sitting late and i was like would it kill me to go to mcdonald's and
get something to eat and i was like no you fat fuck you'll hate yourself tomorrow if you go
eat mcdonald's have some almonds some lightly
salted blue diamond almonds from a month ago i was eating those and they're just not not good
dude let me tell you what i did with those blue diamond almonds like i bought two cans of the
honey roasted almonds and i ate both cans in one sitting and then i looked at the back they're like
650 calories a can dude they're like nuts and seeds are super powerful
oh my guilty pleasure is a sunflower seed like i can i can i can sit there and eat a bag of
sunflower seeds just spitting into a cup for like three hours and then it's gone like i just love
sunflower seeds i do it with uh i i'm totally on your same page i like the ranch kind they make
thank god i have smart mouth on hand all the time because your mouth is like a bunch of ranch
sunflower seeds that you're cracking and spitting you're you will smell like death horrible like and
i know what you mean where you get in like a zone of eating more and more like if you have any kind
that are like pickle flavored like dill pickle or ranch or something it has that salt on it like like an hour and a half into eating
this bag like you'll have a rash like your mouth hurts and you're like i'm still eating though
i gotta then i always go like you know what the left side's holding up pretty good let's go over
there for a bit this is like a real problem i have like, man, I've got ulcers on this side.
Let me just swap sides here.
It's just so good, though.
I love them.
And aside from a huge amount of salt,
it's impossible to eat so many of them
that you're going to get fat.
Yeah, and we've learned that salt is good for you
unless you're a fucking diabetic or something.
So eat all the salt you want.
That's true. I heard that from Kyle. I trust him. Yeah, salt's not good for you unless you're a fucking diabetic or something. So, you know, eat all the salt you want. That's true.
I heard that from Kyle.
I trust him.
Wait, what?
Yeah, salt's not bad for you.
That's like a myth.
Yeah, by Big Sugar.
They wanted to keep salt down.
They ate a lot of salt.
Yeah, they propagate that anti-salt propaganda.
That's coming.
Starting in the early 1900s, Big sugar came out and said it's all
bad for you you're trying to keep our cholesterol high i mean low i don't know how it works
they try and tell you there are two different types of cholesterol not true there's one kind
of cholesterol it makes you red if you're healthy i'm healthy
look at the size of my neck does this not look like a healthy human being?
You could not get Brock Lesnar's hands wrapped around this neck if you tried.
When do you know a tomato's ripe?
Is it green?
No, it's red.
I'm red.
I'm a tomato.
I'm ripe.
I'm a human.
I'm a man.
I'm a human.
I'm a fighter.
I'm a human. I'm a man. I'm a human. I'm a fighter.
I'm a fighter.
That guy's a travesty
of a fucking human being. You realize he's got
like 15 million weekly
listeners? That guy's got
a gigantic
following of people who either A,
buy into that, or B, think it's hilarious.
I don't know which. I don't know what the ratio. I don't think he's going to tell you whether or not it's hilarious i don't know which i don't know i don't know what the ratio whether or not it's hilarious like it's funny his rants like i've
never watched his show for real but all the compilations i feel like that gives me a pretty
good and the clips of it like i feel like i get a pretty good idea of what it is you know really
the only time i watch him is when i'm trying to figure out how to imitate his voice no one else
is like that no one else gets crazy like that like i watched rush limbaugh or listen to him i listen to sean
hannity and mark levin and and all those conservative guys along with a bunch of
liberal guys as well i like to get a nice mixture of opinions it's almost all bullshit but nobody
else gets all crazy like him and goes off the fucking rails like that. He's red-blooded. He's got passion.
I'm a man.
He's red-blooded.
Bone broth.
Now, they'll tell you that bone broth isn't a good thing to drink 24-7.
I tell you they're wrong.
These are the same people putting fluoride in your water, chemtrails in your air,
and you're going to trust them over me.
Absolutely laughable.
Hillary Clinton is a goddamn demon.
You really do the voice well. And you're gonna trust them over me absolutely laughable Hillary Clinton is a goddamn demon Like if I close my eyes is Alex Jones is with whispering sweet nothing tell about a vampire
Nobody said a telepathic space vampire suck soul-sucking vampires
Lizard people actually exist and you're just like where do we jump to
this point like how did we get here what if there are lizard people i always say that like
oh i love those clips of like i saw one of hillary drinking water and you know how like
when you tilt a glass of water like light will refract in it right basically as she turns it
to her lips it appears although clearly
it doesn't it's not happening that she is expelling like green eggs into the water or something like
green orbs are coming out but really it's like a reflection of like a green trash can or something
and as it flicks as she flicks the glass up it's it's quickly being refracted and then not
but but they like play it in slow motion over and over and then make her double eyelids blink and you're like oh oh shit honey get over here oh my god you like pull that rebel flag
blanket a little tighter around yourself because you're scared it's his show is pure propaganda
some of the time but then he mixes in some actual facts and and he mixes in stuff that's real and it's it's it's a little dangerous he
could really do some damage i i fear like oh i mean he is doing damage but the good news is that
even my absurdly racist grandfather who fought in the korean war and is very adamant all right
here's a great story i am in uh i see my grandfather for the first time this summer go out on vacation.
My grandmother and him are sitting on the porch of their gorgeous beach house.
So I go sit out there in the morning with a cup of coffee to just do my duty, be a good grandson.
It's quiet.
My grandfather, in this silence, it's like 20-minute silence, goes,
can you see the Muslims climbing over the railing here?
I just wish I could shoot them all.
I look over at him, and I'm like, I don't know what to say.
So I go, why do you say that?
Like trying to spur a conversation.
I'm like, well, nobody said anything.
You were just like, I can see the Muslims climbing up.
I'm like, why are Muslims climbing out of the ocean, like see people onto your deck?
And he goes, I don't know.
I can, I'm just, I can visualize killing them all.
Like, I'm going to finish this cup of coffee and go back inside.
Like, this is like a very, but I brought up Infowars to him.
He was like, that's trash.
That's all propaganda.
I'm like,
what the fuck?
Where's the line being drawn here, guys?
I thought you'd be on board. You're like,
they are turning our frogs gay.
It's like, where's the
line being drawn? Yeah, like you can
sometimes like with older
people, they'll be a level of
racist or something where it's like
whatever. Like they're from a
different age they don't even know that they're being racist yeah but this is beyond the pale
yeah like yeah info war info wars is way too liberal you want to sign up for the sig
heil editorial that's where the real truth comes out like my grandparents will think that they're being like correct and catching themselves when
they say like uh like colored folk yeah and or something and they'll be like well and then like
obviously if they watch the news or something it'll be like people of color or whatever because
obviously that one's totally cool but the other one you know it's the of that makes it cool
you know i guess i guess but, it's just one of those
things. What did you just link here?
I just linked, alright, this is like a, this is a
meme-y video, but it has Alex Jones just
going full Alex Jones, so
maybe, I don't know if this is like kosher
to play, I mean, it's fine, but like,
if we want to queue this one up.
Yeah, let's watch this. Alright.
It is safe.
It is safe. It's safe, no nudity. It is safe checking it is it's it's safe no nudity it is all right
count it three two one play
you can hear him screaming you can hear screaming
Too much and he's had too much caveman. That's what happens when you drink too much bone broth
You go full case me thatman. I love his face. I look at him and I'm just like,
this is a man looking for an exit.
This guy needs to exit everything.
Life, this room.
It's just... When he rips his shirt off like that, I can only imagine
that he's
performing. I know he's performing.
Of course he is.
That's gotta be... He wants to take that shirt off. I think he's performing. Of course he is. He wants to take that
shirt off.
I think he thinks he looks very good
especially to be his
body type and his age and he likes showing
that off because he takes his shirt off
far more often.
He definitely is feeling
himself.
How old is he, Taylor?
He is 43 years old. What looks at least 52 like 52 is like the
in olden days tucker people actually aged faster that's the natural way that people are meant to
when you drink bone broth it actually accelerates your aging and you hit your peak your your peak
lots of people believe your peaks late 20s. Real peak, human peak.
Human peak is late 40s.
The reason being is that people who survive that long are strong.
They're thick.
They're red.
They're red people.
It's because he's not chock full of preservatives.
That's what it is.
Yes.
Joe Rogan is 50.
You look at Alex Jones and Joe Rogan next to each other,
which one are you going to think is healthier and more
on track to not die?
Rogan is on
TRT. He
takes a lot of things. He's a
fitness nut. Alex is on
his fucking bone broth
and survival kit.
I'm on survival
rations. Rogan's eating nothing
but elk steaks and good shit like no
no chemicals are going into them except for the you know the the mind-altering kind and
and they're friends yeah well rogan and uh alex jones rogan always says he's friends with them
like when they're i listened to that podcast together and it was it was funny it was off the
wall and weird and the more like buzzed or high
or drunk whatever they were doing in in rogan studio the more messed up alex jones got like
the more it became like i don't know when like if someone's ranting about a crazy conspiracy
theory and they're stone sober and it's not as believable as like when he's doing it clearly
a little messed up but that's what i'm saying like like I Alex Jones while actually having a negative impact on the world
In its in his serious like thing made of all right
He's like the type of guy that I would love to sit down in my own personal area and get him fucking
Blasted just so every all the nine other
people could just be crying at all the shit he's coming he's like but i mean have you heard about
have you heard about the doctors and what they're doing to us it's like no alex what are they doing
to us what are the doctors doing i ordered four fetus heads off the internet and i received them
i can't show them to you that's illegal but i rest assured they arrived they arrived at my place of residence you know it's like it's a little
Alex it's like it's like yeah you got him from a scientific sample thing he's like i order him
online you can't explain that's not legal it's like probably legal i feel like he's just an old
WWF wrestler like he's got the voice he He's got the... He's like Macho Randy
Savage. Yeah. The cream
rises to the top.
Oh, yeah.
What you want
is a little bit of boom, bro.
Yeah.
The Macho Man Randy
Savage was so fucking entertaining. hulk hogan he'd go
out there and start talking about what it was the 24 inch pythons and like like that was good shit
like like modern wrestling is just so is super lame they'll never be able to recapture like what
the what it was back then when like 75 of their audience thought it was fucking real like like you'll never recapture
that again because now it's like a performance art or whatever they call back when it was sports
entertainment i i liked that of course i was five years old and watching my grandpa like that shit
man when sting would fucking rappel down from the ceiling and he'd come in and fucking lay some
hammer fist down on hogan or whoever and knock him down. Like, that was good shit.
I remember when Goldberg was a thing.
Like, I remember going on this, like, church trip.
And I didn't watch wrestling at the time because I hadn't watched since I was five or six.
But all these grown-ass men were into it.
And so I was like, all right, I guess this is what's on TV.
And Goldberg would come out.
And he'd fucking, what was he, they'd spear people.
That was his, like, signature move.
And I was like, shit, yeah, man, I can watch. out and he'd fucking he what was he the spear people that was his like signature move and i was
like shit yeah man i can watch but they wouldn't watch like tna which was like the edgy wrestling
channel because they said damn and hell we couldn't watch that because it's like a church trip super
lame but but i don't know i never ever watched wrestling ever i have and and but only like
towards my later years and currently right now uh it is one of the
most entertaining like not not not wwe mexican wrestling like unregulated yeah no but like
unregulated like weird clearly satire wrestling might be the most entertaining shit you could do
because you go in going this is gonna be fucked Like a guy with a computer head is going to come out of the crowd and body
slam somebody with a bunch of pineapples.
And you're like,
yeah,
like so over the top that you can't deny.
It's great.
This is something for Tucker.
If you like that stuff,
you need to look up anybody else out there who likes this kind of stuff.
Look up,
uh,
Opie and Anthony,
the shock master.
there who likes this kind of stuff look up uh opie and anthony the shock master and the shock master was a wrestler who was meant to be like the new big hero for wwe or whatever it is and during his
introduction his initial like the first time that he was going to come out he was supposed to burst
through a wall and then like confront rick flair or whoever the other wrestler was and be like and be like you won't
take me down and the guy
bursts through the wall but
there was a two by four
hidden and he falls down
his helmet falls off because he was supposed
to be like a mysterious shock master helmet
character and his entire career
went from being the new headliner
to a joke loser who always
lost his helmet is like a
Star Wars Stormtrooper helmet
with an aluminum shield.
Let's watch this. Let's queue up at zero.
Yes.
I'm good to go.
I love this.
Three, two, one, play.
I'm gonna let
Dane tell the people
who the super fighter is gonna be!
All I have to say is, all I have to say is, our partner is going to shack the world because he is none other than the Shack Master!
Hurrah!
This pyrotechnic He clumsily gets up and puts it back on
This guy's way overweight
Yeah, he's not like a strong
Overweight, he's just a heavy man
He's wearing a fur vest
That goes down to his knees
Screaming vest that goes down to his knees. And he's screaming.
I love how everybody's just ripped his shit.
That guy looks like whatever container you pour him into.
That's literally a Stormtrooper helmet, but Jules, that's not even like
And he's not even like
And he's not even doing his own voice, no, of course not
Like pointing just you go I just love how he just falls through it.
It's not even humiliating.
You can hear the little, oh, God.
Oh, God, what are we going to do when the Shockmaster comes?
Man, some of those old wrestlers had a real persona, though. Like fucking Ricick flair like i'm a cadillac driving private jet flying son of a gun he come and he
had dusty roads coming out there mumble as a sidekick like i liked that shit as i was five
of course and i keep going back to it i told uh i think i was telling you and chis the other day
about how one of the most pathetic individuals i ever met was a middle school substitute teacher who was always talking about wrestling and like he'd be like okay man whatever
he's like you know what i got i've got the championship belt and we were like really
yeah would you like to see it sometime we were like yeah yeah we'd love to see you wearing your
belt really that's cool, man.
And he was like a long-term sub.
This teacher had cancer or some shit.
So he shows up the next day.
He's got the fucking belt that he purchased off the fucking internet. One of those big, golden WWE buckles.
And he's wearing the fucking thing.
He's like, check it out.
He's so proud.
He's like a guy who just bought a new Corvette, showing it off.
He's like, look at what you guys think.
We mocked him endlessly.
He had it thrown over his chair at the desk and everything.
It was so humiliating.
This like 35-year-old guy, something like that, chubby, bald,
and he's got this belt that he must have paid.
He should have known better.
Like $500 for this belt, maybe more.
I want to say back then
and this is like 2000 1999 2000 i think he had spent like 800 on this fucking belt they're not
cheap they're absurd it just humiliating at the middle school substitute teacher is one of the
most humiliating jobs you could have that's that's one of the reasons that eastbound and down is so
fucking funny because it's just such a humiliating job.
In dealing with middle school,
that's probably the
worst age that you are,
is 13 and 14.
Yeah, fuck that age.
You're old enough to come up with some smart
mean shit and to recognize
an adult who's down
in the world, but you're not old enough
to have any mercy or to empathize.
Look at that high-waisted man.
He's got feminine hips.
That's the thing I'm sensitive about.
We had another substitute teacher named Dewey.
His name was Dewey.
His actual name was dewey
and he weighed about 400 and i don't know how many pounds an enormously fat man and he he would he
had a really effeminate southern voice and he talked about what to get when you go to wendy's
oh i get the triple but i i special ordered i get them to put the bacon on you gotta ask but
they'll do it get that triple combo with
the bacon and it was like jesus christ dewey i'm starting to understand what your problem is here
come on he'd eat those things in class like like like we'd be in class and he'd be back there
munching on this burger that was bigger than his fist just bake that greasy fast food bacon hanging
out of it like worse i had a teacher when i was in high school
that and this isn't even that gross but it grossed me out for some reason is every day he would come
into class uh and i had him late in the day and so apparently every morning he would come in with
a giant extra large coke from mcdonald's of course he was a very fat guy and by the end of the day
he would still have that cup sitting there except except he would have filled it with water by then.
And so he was just drinking water out of an old McDonald's cup at like 3 in the afternoon when we were getting off.
And it was like, God, dude, invest in a water bottle.
It's not hard.
My art teacher in middle school was named Mr. Tiggle and he was a 400
plus pound
black man
who drove
a Nissan Cube
one of those like you know
but in order to
drive it had to move
the seat all the way back
so like the C pillar is here
and he's looking out the back
window of the seat like it was it was rough i don't think he works there anymore but he was uh
on the wrong side of uh health stretch that fucking cube out to a rectangle when he gets in it
god damn we what i always like to do when i see fat people walking in there like like i often
stay in the car like if i'm with somebody they just gotta run to get something i like watching
people um i had this girlfriend we had this really cruel game where we'd go and just take pictures of
cruel of like fucked up people not necessarily fat people or like the mentally indigent or
anything but like a guy with some weird boots who thought they were cool like i remember this
mexican guy with these cat with these like snake skin boots with silver toes on them like oh shit that's a
fucking four star circus freak right there save this one but i like to watch when fat people come
out to their car and they don't have a fat person appropriate car they got like a geo metro or
or a chevy cavalier like the old school one not the nice ones they make now. I think they're called a Cobalt or something, whatever the fuck.
When they sit down in that car and the car visibly shakes and settles down on the suspension, that cracks me up every fucking time.
I can be having the worst day ever, but some land whale comes out and gets into her Ford Focus and that thing sits down like you just –
I've had two of these cars so far the
focus of the cavalier yeah and I bet every I bet when you sat in them that was appropriate
you're like oh okay but the car didn't go the car didn't go ow I'm not made for this
like there's a red light that flashes that's just the outline of an obese man colored in red.
I like the seatbelt thing.
Instead of check your oil level, it's like,
check your cholesterol level.
Why are you doing this to me? Stop it.
Your miles per gallon is in calories.
Like, it's just not good.
Oh, I like making fun of fat people.
It's just such an easy target because, you know,
they're so enormous.
Jesus.
Double entendre. Yeah, come on. It's just such an easy target because they're so enormous. Jesus. Double entendre.
Come on. It's fun.
YouTube's... Oh, I'm sorry.
You had more fat people here?
I was going to go to Chiz next, but I'll
just stop.
YouTube's making a push into the gaming
space. It seems to be... I guess
I watch gaming, so it gets pushed on me.
Have you been paying attention to it?
Sometimes when a platform is new, there's an opportunity to be the Pew i watch gaming so it gets pushed on me have you been paying attention to it like sometimes when a platform is new there's an opportunity to be like the pewdiepie of that
platform have you been thinking about that what do you mean this is news to me well youtube has
that like is it gaming.youtube like what are they they have a whole new oh that site literally
nobody uses i used it because it pushed it on me.
That's all right.
So, yeah, they're interested in doing live streaming, but it's like YouTube only cares about one thing and it's keeping people on their platform. Right.
If they really wanted gaming dot YouTube dot com to take off, they would, you know, actually like default every gaming video when you click on it to load gaming.youtube.com but they don't so
that yeah that thing's been around for a while i just how long is a while because it to me
a month or oh shit really yeah when fwiz joined youtube they launched it which is like two years
ago three years ago two years huh because you know YouTube did a facelift recently.
Like the commentary for Anthem's in that.
And with that, I started seeing it.
I thought it was part of that.
I have never been
redirected to gaming.youtube.
I have to wonder
if there's other people like me
who are like, oh, look at this thing.
And it must be part of their push.
It doesn't.
You might be right. I don't't. Yeah, you might be right.
I don't know.
Yeah, the only thing was, yeah,
buy gamers for a game.
When I type gaming.youtube.com, it goes,
buy YouTube gaming, buy gamers for gamers.
Press start.
You press start, and then it's like,
keep track of your games.
Why does it do that?
Well, because I have to set my shit up.
And then it's like, maybe because I've been, oh i swear to god if i did this and now i get defaulted to youtube gaming i'm
gonna kill myself woody like i can't this is like the thing for me all right no it looks good uh but
yeah it's just it's been a thing for a while it's just not like youtube has an issue google has an issue with creating products that they
don't support so they do it's kind of a cool like see at first them not supporting their products
was like all these products have to fight to survive you know maps is a great example yeah
they threw maps out there everyone loved it so much it grew into even
better maps and now you know it's amazing and uh but then you have stuff like wave or hangouts
that they throw out there it doesn't just organically grow like crazy and then they let
it wither and it's like you know has i think seven individual messaging apps from Hangouts to Allo to Messenger to like they have multitudes of an app that does the same thing across multiple platforms.
So like that is like a company issue that they have.
But I mean, Chismit mentioned they're definitely trying to get more people onto YouTube Gaming. They just
announced sponsors, which is kind of like a
Twitch sub where you pay X amount a month
and you get emotes and
shit. But there were a lot
of easy
changes they could have made early on in the
platform, whether it was chat moderation or
otherwise, which would have made it fine.
It's just that YouTube
doesn't care that
much. They're interested in bringing premium
content to the platform, and they recognize
that live streaming isn't going to necessarily
fill a void that they want.
That's from my personal view. I could be wrong
here from their side, but it's just
kind of like nobody from
Twitch even remotely considers
it a threat.
YouTube has not come to me.
That is how it starts. And I would love for
YouTube Gaming to come to me and be like, here's a million dollars!
Come to us! And I'd be like, okay,
not really. PewDiePie's on it every
day, and so I subscribe to more
people than I used to now. There's probably 200.
And I don't even see their
videos. I have to go to my subscriptions
and hunt for it, because it's not recommended
in my top 12 or something. Click that little bell yeah that does help if i do that with the bell but um
if they're live it's pushed on me like crazy you know this guy's live you know like
they're really pushing the live thing go ahead so so in my experience the thing that's
the new the new youtube layout whatever you want to it, the redesign, now there's like a live category that gets promoted to me because I watch so much live stuff.
Like whenever Rogan's on, I watch that shit live.
And there's a lot of people that I watch live.
So now I've always got this little quick grab bar of the live stuff or from all my – the stuff I watch frequently is just there and out.
And as i get
sick and tired of something like i'm no longer what i've watched everything gordon ramsay ever
made i consumed about 200 hours of gordon ramsay it's all i got it all i consumed it and so i just
got rid of gordon ramsay and now but but yeah every time somebody goes on live i'm quick to
quick to watch it because there's a ton of bootleg streams on YouTube that they just allow to happen.
Rick and Morty.
South Park. Constantly going.
And I see these cunts in the chat box
like, everyone report this. This is copyright
infringement. And I remember writing
like, I bought all these seasons. Fuck
you, you cunt. And like
everybody in the chat's with me. They're like, yeah!
Fuck you, Kaladash107!
Go suck a dick! Get out of here! And then somebody goes, report Kaladash's account!. They're like, yeah, fuck you, Kaladash107. Go suck a dick.
Get out of here.
And then somebody goes, report Kaladash's account.
And everybody's like, yeah.
And then we reported him instead of the stream.
So there's almost a little bit of a community in the Rick and Morty live stream.
I'm like, I already bought this shit.
I can live stream it here if I want.
Let me watch.
I guess it's Sundays when Rick and Morty comes out.
All of a sudden, there's all-day marathons.
There's like six of them that pop up.
I'm not exaggerating.
There'll be six Rick and Morty
streams to choose from. With 100,000
people watching. There was a 24-hour
Spongebob thing. How can this be?
Is there money in it? No.
But here's the thing.
YouTube will only act if they get a
cease and desist from the parent company.
So YouTube is not going to go after these things unless Rick and Morty goes,
Hey, Comedy Central's like, Hey, you got to take this down.
Then they'll be like, All right, we will take this one stream down.
Comedy Central can't be like, Can you take all these down?
They have to be like, This one and this one.
So it's just kind of like one of those,
Eh, we're too lazy and you're too lazy kind of things.
And also the creators
of both those shows are pretty friendly
toward the online sharing streaming thing
like Matt and Trey with South Park
they had all the episodes free on their website
forever and
Justin Roiland I mean he's clearly a communist
so he doesn't mind you know
getting it out there to as many people as he can.
Yeah yeah yeah
it's uh youtube is an
interesting thing they also like you know ice poseidon like he he got banned from twitch if
you don't know he's like a irl streamer oh yeah he got perma banned from twitch so he's yeah people
get perma banned i know yeah you're right but he's really perma banned he went over to youtube
and like you know he's pulling like 50,000 people
I remember the Floyd Mayweather fight. He had a lit. It was literally hobo fights
He just had a bunch of people come and box in a backyard
Like on to 50,000 I was watching the shit out of it because I was like this is dumb
Somebody's gonna get killed but it was you may be on to something here. You told me he had a bum fight
Yeah 50k people You may be on to something here. You're telling me he had a bum fight? Yeah.
50k people.
He is such a terrible person.
It will never catch up to him. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
I would love to have Alex Jones hosting
a backyard bum fight.
All these competitors
are on bone broth.
Have all these hobos out there flexing, chugging down
some bone broth, and then they fight.
But they're, of course, like, they have to
drink 32 ounces of bone broth
before they enter the house.
Actually, in my league, there would be
no bone broth allowed. It is so potent,
so effective, it would make each
match into a death match. You need to have
a strict no bone broth rule
with this. What about cricket
protein?
I don't enjoy sports that aren't American.
I ended on that note. I love the word play.
That was the best shit I've ever heard.
All right.
P.K. episode 200.
Yeah, yeah.
Good talk, guys.
I forgot. I'm sorry. Tucker, yeah. Good talk, guys. I forgot.
I'm sorry.
Tucker, peep your stuff, please.
Yeah, I live stream every day on Twitch.
So if you want to watch video games, you can find me.
Just search Jericho.
I'll pop up.
I still upload YouTube videos for some god awful reason.
So if you care about that, still the same place.
Jericho, you can find it other than that
thank you guys for having me on it's always
fucking awesome love it
get asked a million times a week so
glad that I can finally have peace and quiet for the next
month and a half and
you know
yeah thank you guys and of course check out
all the sponsors below wonderful
wonderful people
and companies corporations are people yeah same thing All the sponsors below. Wonderful, wonderful people. And companies.
Corporations are people.
Yeah, same thing.
Alright, PKA episodes.