Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #376
Episode Date: March 9, 2018This week on PKA, we have ourselves a LIVE PKA with the infamous Ice Poseidon and while he's on, Woody responds to Wing's latest digs towards him with an EPIC opening show rant, Ice reveals to the ho...sts his TERRIBLE hygiene upkeep and we top things off with Ice sharing the idea he has for his upcoming Bachelor Show to find "true love", all this and more on this week's PKA!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
buttons we might be live it's a new computer first time and i'm sorting out the everyone's
gonna see that the people are in the wrong spots i just didn't want to be any later
so
yeah that that shit's hilarious he just showed him his fucking driver's license like like that's
that's the most rookie internet move i've seen in a in 10 years and 10 years of doing this bullshit i've never seen
anyone in a position of like notoriety of any kind show their fucking driver's license like
we still don't believe you you should um let's see your social security card and birth certificate
god damn it all right that's my passport i feel
like the the chat doesn't know what you're talking about that's perfect okay live yeah
i'm live this is i guess we'll call this pre-show i'm sort of yeah okay well everyone in their boxes
so there's a video that'll go up uh tuesday on wings team's channel somehow i know uh and
basically he edited down this
conversation that wings had with all of his hate channels all like wings of
tears wings of depression unlimited soda tits of redemption wings tings big daddy
wings tits all the channels so many channels which one of them has the best
branding isn't wings wings because I thought wings of them has the best branding is it wings wings because i thought
wings of depression was a heart a pretty good rival for that he's got a great intro i'll admit
oh you subscribe donate or get the fuck up and then the beat drops and it's a little dubstep
so that's that's cool i guess but wing stings has the logos he's got the twitter established
he's got his branding on on point but anyway they had this like
meeting of the minds and throughout this 30-minute video wings goes from
literally threatening to beat one man's teeth out with the pistol grip of his
pistol to randomly hating on woody out of nowhere to to to begging them to stop
and pointing out that his future job opportunities may be messed up by channels such as Wings of Redemption, Professional, E-Bagger.
It's outrageous.
And at some point, they were like, we don't even think your name's Geordie.
We think you're Richard.
And of course, they're trolling him, right?
Because that would frustrate someone who doesn't know they're being trolled.
My name is Geordie, goddammit!
That's what mama named me!
So he just pulls out his fucking driver's license
and shows him his full unedited...
He doesn't even bother to put one of them chubby thumbs over anything.
He just shows him the whole fucking thing.
Address, fucking driver's license number.
Your driver's license number is key to a lot of your information.
Gives it all away.
It's gold. It's fucking gold.
Oh, just, uh uh if the audio is okay
write fuck kyle in the chat yeah we'll need that but it should be all right i've been sorting i
think i got all my eyes dotted and keys crossed we'll see dude wings of redemption i'm sure this
won't make it to you you'll never see it but i feel like i should address some of the shit you
said about me oh should we watch it kyle oh that's even better let me find it yeah give me a few maybe we should
save it for the show wait are we recording right oh yeah this is the show uh we were about five
minutes late i didn't want to be any later so i just hit the buttons jizz could you find the
time stamp because like the way my audio mixes like i can't hear anything if i'm if i'm like
going through the video i we want to find when he says what he has no charisma. Yeah
I have no idea what you guys are talking about
Oh, you do too because when you watch videos on the side it recommends like wings tings for you
I know that you've been dabbling in it, right?
The big giant guy who like rages at call of duty yeah i know him but i i don't know what you
guys are exactly talking about oh okay okay um i just know wings are adeptions the guy who
dies and freaks out and starts breaking shit that's the guy yeah yeah all right so i'm uh
i'm sure that when i go to the big screen i'll have to fix people's faces again i just didn't
want to be late later yeah chis time stamped it people's faces again I just didn't want to be late later. Yeah, it's just time stamped it there
Yeah, we don't want to share the URL, but otherwise you know I'm sure wings tings doesn't mind us
Commenting about is um it's work. I mean I'll try not to show the URL
I don't really have my act together live streaming call that much
I don't really have my act together live streaming all that much.
Professional.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
So let's see what happens when I... Just making sure there's no passwords on my browser.
That's a thing that can happen.
We were just mocking Wings for showing his driver's license.
You're like, oh, this is my bank account.
Well, the difference is I didn't do it.
I checked to make sure it didn't happen. All right right so let's see what happens when I hit big screen that's not
what I want to do I agree oh shit um so I played the first second of it by
accident and it looks like I need to move this is this video the one that
wing shows his driver's license?
No, this doesn't actually have video on it.
I wanted to make sure we're not showing that.
Ah, well, I mean, it's going pretty wide already.
We wouldn't be the first.
That would be him.
All right, so I'm ready to hit play if you guys are.
I'm ready.
Ready. So I'll say 3, 2, 1 guys are. I'm ready. Ready.
So I'll say 3, 2, 1, play.
3, 2, 1, play.
Boogie makes a more professional video.
I make a more entertaining video, if I put it that way.
For example, like Woody does that para motor crap on his channel.
Why are we talking about me?
Doesn't have a charismatic personality.
If I went, that'd be a 100,000 view video.
I don't know what's happening right now.
His channel is a 2,000 view video.
Like the one where me and Whiteboy and Jive.
What happened?
We've met Whiteboy and Jive.
We're playing PUBG.
We're playing the video.
That video failed hard.
But you paid me out to be.
Shouldn't we?
Granted, do I do things?
I thought we were going to start the show.
Yeah.
We started the show 10 minutes ago.
But we can't start the show without saying this is PKA, blah, blah, blah,
and reading our advertisement mentions and all that stuff.
We got to be in the right order.
As we've done the last 400 times.
I hear you.
The way that it started was I was like, all right, guys,
I'm going to press the button.
I'm going to do all this.
And it just began.
So, all right. We'll want to inject a little show start does that make us all it's required all right uh it's not painkiller already episode 376 with our guest ice poseidon
kyle hello yeah a few sponsors tonight smart mouth dollar shave club movement watches and
squarespace we'll talk about them later on in the show. But yeah, let's get right into it. We're talking about Wings, Tings, Wings of Redemption, Drama.
Obviously, we got a nice little video here.
We can just jump right into it.
Wings takes a nice little shot at Woody.
All right.
We'll listen to that again.
I'll count it down.
Boogie Man.
Three, two, one, play.
It's a more professional video.
I make a more entertaining video, if I put it that way.
play.
I make a more entertaining video,
if I put it that way.
For example, Woody does that para-footer crap
on his channel. Woody
doesn't have
a charismatic personality.
If I went, that'd be a 100,000
view video, but on his
channel, it's a 2,000 view video.
The one where me, Whiteboy, and Jive
were playing PUBG. That video failed paint me are we listening to a video
granted do i do things yes yeah yeah um that's probably enough of it anyway yeah yeah that's
enough so so basically uh oh and by the way, don't write anything in the chat.
You don't want to share it.
I mentioned that.
So Wings puts it out there that if he made paramotor videos, that he would get, how many views did he say?
200,000 views?
100,000.
And I agree.
Right?
That big boy gets on a paramotor and starts flying through the skies.
First of all, if that thing fails,
he's a weapon of mass destruction.
470 pounds coming down at terminal velocity,
that'll destroy a jeep, that'll destroy a car,
I'd fuck a house up.
Oh yeah, right through that roof.
I'd tune in for that.
I'd tune in for one
video of that. Of course, yeah.
Well, he didn't say if I made a video
series of me flying through the skies being an airman, it would be successful.
He said if I made a video on a paramotor, it'd get 100,000 views.
And I got to agree.
I got to agree.
Who wouldn't tune in to see Wings paramotor?
That sounds like a great time, actually.
I don't know if the paramotor will actually lift him up into the air, though.
Of course it won't.
You ever see the back of the graphics?
There are people that fly paramotors tandem and are still lighter than Wings of Redemption.
Wings, you're not charismatic.
I know you think you are.
You think people like you.
People don't fucking like you.
Nobody likes you.
An entire fucking industry has spawned hating on Wings of Redemption. Wings of Redemption is exactly like a NASCAR driver
that crashes every weekend
and thinks that people come out because of his driving skills.
No wings.
People aren't watching you because you're good at gaming.
People aren't watching you because you're charismatic.
People are watching you
because it is a new and fascinating thing for them
to see a fucking 32 year old going on 500 pounds
Failure to launch man, baby cry about dying in video games and deflecting it as if it was someone else's fault
I don't know anyone else like that the wings of redemption is unique in his loserdom
There is no one else that has achieved this level of failure to launch
But who could fucking launch when they weigh that much anyway wings keep my name out of your mouth you fat
piece of shit yeah I don't know if you're a moron because of a genetic
deficiency or if it's some sort of like emotional retardation like maybe if you
were adopted that you wouldn't have turned out like this it's hard to say
but what is true is you live in a goddamn trailer with your mommy talking about how I'm not charismatic.
Rage some more, Wings of Redemption.
Show me more about how what...
You say people don't know how wonderful you are?
That's right, because you're not wonderful.
You are just a man-baby who cries on stream.
And that's why people watch he lives he lives in a trailer
with his mommy i thought he had a lot of money from youtube no
okay he's been at it for 10 years and he's fucking living with his mom dude that's really odd
yeah isn't it yeah it is man well that was did were you reading that or is this one of those
things we're like thinking that like that's the kind of argument you have like in the shower by
yourself where you're like and another thing like what that was a very long and frankly well thought i got a skill um yeah so so that's where wing sits on this thing he he he views himself in
a very different light than the rest of the world views him and uh you know he is who he is
all right well uh you know moving along jesus
oh that was fun uh that was fun ice man i've been watching you uh
for the last since you were on last time uh i've been following really closely watching all the
ridiculous shit you've gotten up to since then like i'm definitely gonna skip over some shit
but uh you pretended to have ebola in that uh that big ball you almost drowned in like a pond
or something you you went trans for a day not a good look for you just saying you uh did he have
the beard most of it he he attempted to shave but it didn't go very well you tried to uh you tried
to throw that big party and i was i was psyched to watch that but apparently i won't get into the
details but some some illegal shit may or may or may not have went on and yeah someone had cocaine
someone had cocaine uh seemed
like there was gonna be like a fourteen thousand dollar fine i don't know if that got squashed or
not yeah that's all done and over with good awesome good to hear you uh and then of course
the other night the most recent thing i'm skipping over like 13 ridiculous things but you had shit at
your place where you had the other two streamers uh whose names are escaping me right now salmon
something another and another salmon andy and evan yeah yeah and uh they're like in it's like an episode of saw right
they're just they're in ice's apartment they can't leave they can but if they do leave they don't get
any money and they're basically being tortured by stream snipers and ice is like the the little uh
jigsaw guy like now you must eat a ghost pepper and they trash the fucking
cops end up coming they kick them out of the place you get locked out of the place they're
talking about keeping your deposit what the fuck man you put on one hell of a show yeah i mean it's
uh you know you just yeah i tried to do some like shit that's like out of the ordinary i mean i'm
not living in the fucking house might as well trash this place until i'll clean it up before the lease uh you know is over and you know i like
to do shit like going to the ball and stuff it's just out of the ordinary shit it's just really
interesting and i have a lot of fun you know going around and fucking in life just fucking around
with people it's it's the shit dude it's like really fun and it really makes me uh you know
it's my fucking dick hard to be honest let me ask you this because because like i'm pretty good at doing stuff that people would would feel is like dangerous or
stupid or shameful but you do some stuff that i feel like i would be too ashamed as a man
as a human being as a person of ices that i'm tuned into that i can't finish watching because
i get so viscerally
it'll give me a stomach ache like when you're like
I'm about to go dressed as a woman
and talk to people like I'm not actually one with a half
shaved beard and you make two stripes
with your razor and you're like eh whatever
it's good enough
it's so uncomfortable
it's only uncomfortable if you
make it uncomfortable if you go around and actually
believe you're a woman. It's not very uncomfortable
I see so it's a method
Streaming yeah, all right. I believe that you're a policeman and your other stunts or not
Well, I just believe I just believe that I'm immune to anything and I just go outside
I just do shit like if I'm in the fucking hamster ball
I just believe that the world outside the ball doesn't exist,
and if I run some motherfucker over,
he better get the hell out of my way.
Okay.
All right, so you're in for the long haul.
I gotta go back to it.
Taylor, on a scale from 1 to 10,
how is...
Now, first of all, I'd get in the ball.
I'd chase down the...
I'd get in the car and go 150 and, like, look for crime.
Like, I'd trash my apartment.
I'd do that stuff.
That's fucking fun.
Those ones are good because they're not like obligated.
I love bringing the hookers up.
And another thing, and this is where I differentiate a little bit.
Like when you bring like the prostitutes over and you have like a super awkward like thing with them.
I love that shit because I got no problem being like really awkward in like a private setting with someone.
And making like the tension so thick that they can feel it.
Where they don't know what to say or what to do.
Because you're like, yeah, wipe the shit out of my hair.
I want to have sex with a woman someday.
Yeah, please wash me.
That's hilarious to me.
I'm watching that when you're pretending to be retarded
and that woman's washing you.
I love that shit.
Dude, I got to say, when you're on Hollywood Boulevard or whatever,
and there's just people everywhere,
and you're wearing that dress,
and you're not very well shaved and you're
like yeah dude i'm a woman and they're like no no you're a man you're a man you got no i mean
think about it like this i mean if you can do the stuff in private with the hookers and like
embarrass them and embarrass yourself with the hooker in the room just pretend like you're in
you're in the room with the hooker but like outside with like a motherfucking thousand hookers dude i admire it like so i've made a
vlogger to myself and when i'm in my room here i'm like yeah i would do that i'd do a hamster
ball or a dress or whatever and then when it comes to crunch time i can barely film a home
depot cashier checking me out you know and most people struggle with that. Most people don't get interactions with like the world when they do vlogs,
they like to be alone.
So I tip my hat to you.
I like the way you do it.
Yeah.
I mean, I just feel like it's the whole point of, uh, streaming or vlogs or
something like fucking interacting with other people.
So when I watch them, my favorite parts is, are, are the reactions of the other
people who, who enter the show, right?
That's like, that's at least half of
it to me, you know? The guys who don't know what the scoop is. But when I make them, it's awkward.
Yeah. Kyle was telling me just a little bit. So the last few nights, have you been playing
Nightcrawler, where you rented a fast car and you drive around looking for crimes, when the twist
is that you've been the one committing crimes the whole time.
Well, I actually learned something really interesting yesterday.
The police, if the call that they get is not very important, that you can get away with pretty much anything.
So that opened my mind.
So now I pretty much was told I could break the law.
And as long as the law that I'm breaking isn't that hard i will get away with
it because the police will take motherfucking 30 minutes to show up what's like the highest level
you can get before they they'll step in you think i mean i don't know i could probably get away with
some like public nuisance shit or like maybe like motherfucking like i don't know going around like
a like like endangering not endangering like i don't know just go around being like a fucking nuisance and the cops don't even care because yesterday they said you know there was
like a guy who fucking stole something from my house and it was like number five in the queue
and it would take like forever to show up so if that guy is number five in the queue from what
motherfucking stealing from a house then i'll probably be number 30 in the queue going down
the street in a in a ball or motherfucking speeding or some or some shit fair enough you can't argue with this it's pretty insane but it's also well structured where you're
like well let's not be too crazy let's do class b misdemeanors tonight like i'm not trying to get
in trouble there's a lot of thought to it because you gotta you gotta be careful because obviously
if the police come then my shit's over you know what i mean i gotta my the stream's gonna end so
it was a it was a pretty dark stream though last night right like i was up until 7 a.m my time and uh playing some pubg with
my friends and we had you on like on discord we're all watching kind of listening in and we
click out of the game and see what you're up to whenever something would happen and then my buddy's
like oh shit oh it's two kids dead oh no three children are dead and the dogs burned alive too
and i'm like whoa all right let's back out of the game what do dead and the dogs burned alive too, and I'm like whoa. All right. Let's back out of the game
What do you mean the dogs burned alive and I look at your chat?
They're all using hot dog emojis for the burnt alive dog
My phone was dead. I didn't even know that they're putting the hot dogs
That's why I like your fans. They don't give a fuck
That's not hard for shit. I mean that's fucked up. You know some dogs burn out
That's got fun to be honest. Well for the hot dogs. I mean, that's's yeah that's fucked up though i saw your fans hook you up you were i watched your weight
lifting stream when you went to the gym and did some deadlifts and squats and you had the wrong
weights on each side and they saved you do you remember that yeah you didn't believe them at
first but you checked it and you're like thanks guys i'd have gotten really hurt yeah i mean that would i mean i think i actually did lift it a little bit and then it kind of uh
i just i don't know i ended up dumping the weight i don't know i don't like working out on stream
because i always try to like push it to the max and i just end up fucking hurting myself so
that makes sense yeah you were doing all max reps you know like what can you do
you weren't doing so how many people died last night that you were like that while you were there?
Right.
Like I didn't get a final death count of that one accident.
So basically a guy was like street racing with his family in the car and like hit an apartment or something like that.
And like his whole family and some people in the apartment maybe died.
Yeah.
So the guy who was street racing, then he hit a pole and he hit a trailer.
Actually, it might have been wings.
Oh, shit. So he hit a trailer and then motherfucking six dogs burned alive apparently
and then fucking some kids died and then some fucking some guy died and a wife died but then
that was like that was some shit dude that was wait wait wait that was gonna be only one thing
matters only one thing matters though did he win matters, though. Did he win the race? I mean, probably not.
Yeah, probably not if he crashed.
Well, maybe they were racing to that apartment, though.
You don't know, Taylor.
Right.
Maybe that was the finish line.
The finish line was inside that person's apartment.
First one inside 7B wins.
First one to kill all those dogs.
I mean, maybe.
I mean, shit.
Like, I mean, probably not. I mean, I. I mean, shit. I mean, probably not.
I mean, I feel like there's some kind of, like, if you're a NASCAR and you crash into, like, the guys doing your wheels, like, switching the wheels out, and you fucking kill them, dude, there's probably, like, disqualification.
How close did you get to the actual, like, where it went down?
Like, where the bodies were and, you know, the crashed car?
Like, how close were you?
I was probably right next to the house.
I mean, I looked right inside the house. I saw, i saw like the fucking the inside of it and like how burned
and like fucked up it was like we were right there dude you could smell the the everything
dude the fucking shit for the house so it was fucked yeah yeah did it put you in a like a more
sour mood when you saw all the dead people and all the burned up dogs or are you more like all right this means anything i do tonight is gonna be like 10 on the list so let's get it
going i mean i felt bad but i mean i wasn't like uh gonna be you know stopping my stream i was just
i just felt bad i was like fuck i'm gonna i'm recording this and i feel like an asshole but
it's part of being a stringer and doing the documentary so i gotta do it but as a journalist you know my integrity just pushed me forward what's a stringer what's that you said you it's part of being a
stringer did you yeah i was doing i was being a stringer uh yesterday i was pretending to be a
star i was going with the stringer which is a guy who records the shit when like at crime scenes
and uh that's what i was doing yesterday yeah so you were compelled to journalistic
integrity i follow yeah so there was a call yesterday with apparently an unresponsive baby
and i just felt really fucking weird because i'm like recording this this you know this firefighter
holding a baby that's apparently unresponsive and i just feel like an asshole dude i'm just like
recording like on the side with like the baby like potentially dead just like in the guy's hand
and like they're trying to like bring it to the back of the ambulance i'm just following with
the camera it's like a dick but i mean the baby was alive yeah but it's just part of being like
a stringer you know what i mean doing that documentary so i just kind of had to do it and
you know it's understandable responsibility can't have babies without dicks have you thought about
diversifying your income and like selling these this footage you're taking to ABC or CNN or something I mean I don't think they want my footage cuz I'm
sitting here talking I'm cracking jokes dead baby jokes I was just talking about
the you know everything that was going on and just, I don't think the news would want that.
I'm like saying fuck and shit and just like, oh, fuck a dead motherfucker or some shit.
Like, I don't know.
It was some shit, dude.
But I, and I also had low quality footage, but I don't know.
My income is, doesn't need to be diversified.
I feel like InfoWars or someone would pay for that.
Or the Autism News Network.
Welcome back to the Autism News Network.
We're going live with our correspondent Ice Poseidon. Ice, tell us what's going on. It's fucked. The Autistic News Network. Welcome back to the Autism News Network. We're going live with our correspondent, Ice Poseidon. Ice, tell us what's going on.
It's fucked! It's fucked! The Autistic News Network. Oh, baby's burnt!
No, I mean, yeah, I don't say that. I mean, shit, but, you know, I'm like, oh, you know, that baby is unresponsive, dude, like, or something, dog. You know what I mean? I'll just go there.
And I don't think the news would want that. I feel like they want more professional, like oh, hello there. Welcome to the crime scene and some shit. I'm not like that.
So is that fun, though? Which of these crazy video stream ideas and stuff do you actually enjoy the most doing? Is it being really awkward with the sex workers? Do you get a kick from that because that for me that was the one i really get a kick out of like being super awkward and like fucking with them or did i don't
mean what you did what you're doing last night looked like a lot of fun too driving around
really fast what's the guy driving the car patty mayonnaise or something yeah patty mayo dude he's
a great guy yeah what does he do is he some kind of bounty hunter or something like that yeah he does uh
bounty hunter and uh stringing work so he's uh you know he does essentially what he does what
we did yesterday that sounds like a fun fucking job i'm guessing because i haven't watched his
shit i mean it was it was fun but there was a lot of like downtime sitting in the car for like 30
minutes to an hour just waiting for calls not doing shit yeah what kind of car does he have
it seemed like uh yeah he has like just a big truck with
like a lot of horsepower so yeah it was pretty good i mean i like fucking with the sex workers
or i mean anybody really the sex workers are just the easiest ones to get over to your house
they don't have to be sex workers but i try tinder as well i like fucking with people it's my thing
like i consider myself to be an a-class troll so i think you know on the internet i was a big troll
on the internet i still am dude i have multiple alt accounts that i go on multiple websites with and i fuck with people and you know
when i'm not streaming so when i'm streaming i'm just like all right let me fuck with people and
the best way to do it is if i get them over to my house because then i can do whatever i want to
them because they're in my house so it doesn't really matter like they don't have the sign of
waiver or nothing i just fuck with him in my house any way possible that is the law i actually
whatever you want i had this this woman from tinder come in and i pretty much threatened to murder her and
lock her in the closet man what a goof i mean pretty much now you get in the closet or i'm
gonna murder you that's what i said and she was like a little bit laughing she was like laughing
at me dude that was a joke i mean it was a joke and i was trying to scare her but she wasn't
getting too scared off me i don't know why but um it was really odd you don't seem to have these same
issues you did before with people like finding out what restaurant you were eating at or store
you were shopping in and causing havoc with i don't know swats or police or store owners
is that going away i mean pretty much i mean if i go into a store i'll still get a bunch of phone
calls but um if i go into uh i don't really get, I don't get swatted anymore. I mean, the last time it happened was actually, it was like last week, I guess. But that was, that was really offhand occurrence. I think it was because the person, the people I was with, they were from they were um i don't it was like apparently the first
time that guy showed his face in like five years and he was like a big like he got swatted like
every day or something apparently so when i had him on stream somebody that he that doesn't like
him must have swatted him and that i was just with him so but other than that it's been like
six seven months since you know the last time so it doesn't really happen anymore do people know
where you live like i know you just moved maybe they don't did they used to know no they know where i live still i mean i don't give a fuck i'll tell everybody i don't
just like it's fine dude like as long as uh as long as nobody uh you know i like when people
come over to my house and hang out with me yeah i i because you're coming on the street uh i
actually fuck the sex workers do i fuck uh well i mean i don't fuck the sex workers because i
don't want to get fucking
aids but or like some kind of std but like when i get a tender girl over like any girl from the
stream uh over that's not a sex worker i probably like most of the time have sex with them or like
at least get a blow job or something they told me to ask you you broke up with your girlfriend
but yeah i broke up with uh my ex-girlfriend but but they're saying that she's at your gym all the time, or home gym.
I got a little confused.
Okay, so there's a gym attached
to my apartment complex.
It's literally the biggest
and nicest gym in Hollywood.
And on this big fucking complex
that I have.
So the gym is attached to the complex,
so she goes to that gym.
Is that awkward?
I mean, not really. I don't fucking see it.
Why did I even fucking ask that? You don't care.
Right, right. Yeah, yeah.
He doesn't do well with freaky situations.
It doesn't really bother me, to be honest,
as long as she's not coming up to my room and shit.
Yeah, so that's probably awkward.
That was actually my next question, too.
But since you've broken up with her,
does that give you a lot more freedom
to do more shit with girls on your stream that you couldn't do or i've had i've had about
eight sexual encounters since i broke up with my girlfriend and it's great
is that is that mostly due to like uh you know what you're doing on stream and stuff like like
oh yeah yeah yeah i just i just tell them i'm a little motherfucking i'll be like hey girl what's
going on or like i'll be like hey you want to motherfucking get into the motherfucking, I don't know, you want to come on fucking stream or something, dude?
And then I just don't put them on stream, then they fuck me, and then I just tell them to get the fuck away, like, get out of here, like, you know what I mean?
Have most of your recent encounters been with women?
Yeah, I mean, they've all been with women.
Oh, okay.
Well, actually, I mean, no, yeah, they've all been with women.
I mean, Salmon and, never mind, but yeah.
I mean, I saw some penis handshakes that, I mean, some would call that a sexual encounter.
Well, my friend.
Not unless you're hard.
That's true.
Yeah, if you're flaccid, it's just a.
Even if you're hard.
Do you know what docking is?
I guess it depends how long the handshake lasts.
I've docked a few times, actually.
Most of my friends don't have foreskin, but if I find someone that has foreskin, we dock the fuck out of them.
That's wonderful. You know, I knew when I asked if you knew what docking was that you knew that you knew, and I had a strong suspicion that you'd done it.
I'm circumcised, so I don't know the elasticity of a foreskin, but does it require any lubrication?
So I don't know the elasticity of a foreskin, but does it require any lubrication?
And when you're docking with someone, do you ever worry that maybe they're not clean in there?
Maybe there's some smegma, and when they pull off your penis, there's going to be goo on your dick.
Is that a concern?
I mean, there's goo on my dick whenever I fuck a woman, so I guess that really doesn't matter.
I don't really care if there's smegma.
As long as they don't have an STD, I'll just clean that shit off.
Obviously, I have to lube it up before i dock i didn't know that yeah because you know it's like uh it's like putting your dick inside a hole like you gotta it's gonna be like rough if you don't
like talking is when you put your dick in somebody else's dick skin right and then the foreskin goes
over i thought that foreskin not i am also circumcised so i'm not an expert in this but i
pictured it a little bit like testicle skin where you know if if you wanted the dock with my ball sack we could stretch that thing
over a little bit yeah i mean i mean i don't know if that'll work it's essentially the same way but
well if i ever come over we'll find when i when it's cold outside i did this little game that i
love to play it's called hide my dick and it's motherfucking when it's cold as fuck i get my
dicks like two inches and i get my ball sack and i just put my ball sack over my dick and it's not like when it's cold as fuck I get my dicks like two inches and I get my ball sack
I just put my ball sack over my dick and it just wrapped the skin around it and twist it and then like my dick is
Inside my ball sack and then it's just it doesn't move like it's in my ball sack and if you twist it
How is that a game?
How do you win?
Because then his friends have to find it
Oh!
And then they have to search through all the
Yeah, it's like an Easter egg hunt.
And, you know, the rules are no hands.
I mean, that's actually a good idea.
I'm going to have to try that shit.
That might work on a girl.
You're like, ah, you got to fire my dick with no hands.
Ah, and she's like, what am I looking at?
What is that?
You have a monstrosity.
That's like some foreplay shit.
I mean, I don't know. I don't like when a girl has to like foreplay
with me i just want to get my my nut off yeah you've mentioned that before you sound like you
really just want to like like like skip through the first three steps of sex and just straight
into dick into vagina and and get it over with almost yeah yeah dude i just i honestly dude i
don't know if you guys are the same way. I just want to get it over with.
I don't want to sit here and, like, fuck her for a long period of time.
I just want my nut and then tell her to get out.
That's all I want from a woman and her vagina.
So you wouldn't even like them blowing you, you know, getting in the mood a little bit beforehand.
You're just straight to pussy.
Oh, if they blow me, I'm a nut in their mouth, like, fucking in, like, three minutes or some shit, dude.
Like, it just depends on how good they are like i prefer blowjobs over vagina 100 that's
fair enough yeah i mean it's like i don't gotta do any work and it feels just as good man because
when i this is a lot to ponder sometimes it like flops out of the pussy a little bit and it's like
hard to get it back in you know what i mean or like it hurts or something no i can't relate to any of this you know when a girl's vagina is like so tight like
starts to hurt your dick after a while yeah i mean i your dick's hurting like physically hurting
yeah like because the vagina is so tight and you're fucking them for like a good like five
ten minutes it just it starts to get very like it just gets painful dude it just fucking hurts have you considered adult women
well i do fuck adult women but i mean i don't know i just get some tight ass women dude and
they're fucking hurts dude i mean maybe i should lube up a little bit more but i mean i'm not
fucking 70 so we shouldn't have to uh we're big fans of
lubricant here we've been trying we've been trying to get a lube sponsor for for for 10 years now wet
platinum are a bunch of cheap like we were talking last night to my friends about we use
wet platinum i find to be the the finest lubricant known to man i've got some pretty close by i'm
pretty sure yeah yeah there's always some wet platinum nearby
How do you have that on your table? It's
Because that's my sex table. Is that right? That's one of the sex tables. That's one of the sex tables
Yeah, I've got all kind of sex furniture going on
I've got it
I've got a crazy sex swing that's like a trapeze that you can like suspend a bitch in it
We'll get to that later though, but wet platinum is the most premium of sex lubricants. It's silicone
And if you spill some on your floor, you've created a permanent booby trap in your home
So you got to be careful of that
But I always wanted to do that gigantic slip and slide like a downhill slalom with like a big tarp
That ended with a ramp at the bottom and me and Woody
like going down at shirtless and like flying through the air into a lake. And then the finale would be Wings of Redemption stepping out to, like, dramatic music, like, doing a chest pound.
And, of course, drenched and drizzled and glistening in the sunlight, covered in wet platinum.
He'd reach Mach fucking 1 on a downhill slalom cover with this shit.
He'd break the fucking sound barrier for sure.
Woody, break the ramp at the bottom.
It's there. Body rockify, and then you'd feel the gust.
Does he launch off the ramp?
Or does he launch through the ramp
and just blow it to smithereens as he slides into the lake?
We reinforced the ramp.
OK.
And we were going to Wet Platinum, and we're like,
look, we'll do this on the cheap.
Like, we need 55 gallons of lubricant, $5,000, and a little bit of your
time, all right? And they were like, nah, we can't do that. We'll send you some gift
baskets of fucking lube. And nobody wanted that. It was a bunch of horseshit. I wish
we could find a... I don't want to use a lube that I... I don't want to advertise for a
lube that I'm not an actual fan of. See, I've got some on me now. This is never coming off.
Oh, no.
I mean, is all lube not the same?
No.
No. Oh, my God god you lube noob
no i don't use fucking lube what the hell would i use lube for i got fucking my most girls get wet
there are other orifices involved and yeah yeah wait have you got you guys aren't self-lubricating
you guys do anal oh yeah yeah dude i've never actually done anal. I wish I could find a girl that let me, to be honest. It's awkward for me to speak about specifics because, like, she's not anonymous.
Tell us more about your wife.
Tell us about your wife.
Tell me more about your wife.
I've been married forever.
Okay.
I mean, if it's your wife, I mean, I'm sure she wouldn't mind.
She might actually mind if I cover too many specifics.
I mean, at this point, you've already
exposed that there's some anal involved.
So I mean, might as well just go full blown.
I see where you're headed with this.
Let's talk about something else.
OK.
Well, I've always been a big fan of anal.
I think this is something else to do, right?
Like, this is a three-hole sort of merry-go-round here, and if you're only
using two out of three, you're just not
in, you know, you're not fully
experiencing the ride. Why not take advantage
of it? Why not take advantage of it?
God put an asshole there for a reason.
Not that reason, but it's
another reason. I mean, doesn't it,
I just feel like, if the vagina, like, I don't know,
it doesn't hurt, like, after a while,
like, it's like a tighter hole than a vagina.
Not after a while, it's not.
I mean, I guess at that point, I mean, actually, there's this thing, I mean, that I heard, like, a story.
Apparently, if you do anal a lot, you can shit your pants because you don't actually feel the shit in your asshole.
Yeah, but she'll shit her pants.
You'll be fine.
Yeah, I don't want a girl to shit her fucking pants.
We're talking about putting our dick in. Yeah, I can understand how you'll be fine. Yeah, I don't want a girl to choose her fucking pants. We're talking about putting our dick in.
Yeah, I can understand
how you might be confused.
Yeah, I guess you could.
You know, like whatever you're into.
But usually it's my dick and her
asshole, and usually she
doesn't have a dick. But most of the time.
Most of the time. I'm not judging.
I'm not judging. Well, you know, maybe not
preferably.
Sometimes, but in any case, you know, maybe not preferably. So, sometimes.
But in any case, yeah,
that's always fun. I can't believe with all your sexual exploits, I guarantee
there's a girl on your stream right now
who's like, oh, I'd love to
have ice beside and dock with my asshole.
I mean, I hope there's a girl
like that. I don't know. I mean, maybe. There might be
one watching. If there is, let me know. Fucking holy shit.
That's like a little fantasy of mine.yle do you ever like talk to the women that
you have sex with like you're fucking in your russian like voice yeah oh yeah man absolutely
yeah like uh there's definitely been uh girls that like i've met up with lately like yeah come
pick me up at my house blah blah and they like hop in my car and i'm like hey hey nice to meet
you whatever i you know i'm k'm Kyle. What was your name again?
And they're like, I thought you were Russian.
And I'm like, I'm like,
I can't be.
Use the Russian accent if you prefer.
You know, maybe we get things a little bit more rough
than normal.
We stick with the Russian.
And she's like, nah.
No, no.
That's actually terrifying me right now.
Just go back to the the american one
but but yeah there's definitely been girls who like uh i don't know there's ever been a girl
who was like yeah fuck me like dimitri would well if they get in your car and they don't know that
you're american i feel like that's like they they should be like normalized when you speak russian
i i mean at first they're a little taken aback,
but usually, you know, they get over it pretty quickly and it's like, yeah, whatever, you know,
in for a penny, in for a pound. I already got into a strange man's car and he's whisking me
away into the night. Let's just go with this. Oh, I guess that makes sense. That's very similar
to when a girl wants to back out, but it's already too late. Yeah, because of the implication.
Yeah, because of the implication. What do you mean the implication?
Well, the implication that, well, you know, the implication. Wait, what do you mean the implication? You don't know this?
Well, you know, like you take a woman out on a boat, right?
And you ask her to have sex, and she really can't say no because of the implication that there might be some kind of violence if she says no.
Things might go wrong.
No, what do you mean?
No, it's not rape.
It's not rape.
I don't know where that came from.
I would never actually do a rape. I'm not saying that, it's just
the implication is out there. It's kind of floating around that if she didn't go through
with something, we're out in the water. Kyle, you even say it differently to
distance yourself. I would never do a rape, that kind of thing, not rape.
Yeah, yeah. He's being very clear.
The internets. He's not. Dude, that's actually a good idea. If you get girls on a boat, like that kind of thing, like not rape. Yeah, yeah. He's being very clear. The internet.
Dude, that's actually a good idea.
If you get girls on a boat, like five or six women on a boat, and you take like your shotgun with you, you can be like, all right, listen, we're having an orgy, and then shoot some bullets in the air.
That's like a great implication, actually.
This is a razor's edge, and now you're actually like committing crimes, and there's no more implication because you're firing a gun.
He's firing the gun to get consent, though.
It's totally different no every time you hide in the closet in terror i take that as consent i mean honestly i mean that does actually take consent to another level if you like
point a gun at some girls and you're like yo fuck me and then she says yes i mean that's
consent typically or technically so i i think we're missing the whole implication thing that some girls and you're like, yo, fuck me. And then she says, yes, I mean, that's consent technically.
I think we're missing
the whole implication thing that you
imply that, you know,
just by the scenario, you certainly don't say
anything or offer any actual threats.
It's just that, you know, you're out on the boat.
You're on the high seas. Let's leave this game to Kyle
because he's walking the right edge.
You're going to be number one on the
fucking police scanner list
if you go through with this, firing shotgun shells up to the roof
at six women, as you're like,
if you consent, cower in the corner.
Aha, six consensual ladies.
Works every time.
I mean, yeah, that sounds great dude fucking why not dog oh I
can't think of any reasons why not yeah Taylor what do you call a rape murder I
don't know what you know no you already know have a word a murderer a what a murder yeah that's a rape slash murder a murder
i like to say mape but i thought that sounded ridiculous for a mate personally it's shorter
it's more to the point it sounds a lot less like murder i mean i'm just mapist mapist
hmm that sounds kind of mapist i think is my favorite so far I mean, I'm just MAPIST. MAPIST. Hmm.
That sounds kind of innocent. MAPIST, I think, is my favorite so far.
A frontrunner.
Okay.
All right.
I can stick with that.
But yeah.
But yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
You should definitely try some anal.
You know, it's a whole different experience.
It works different, you know?
And if you're dealing with someone who knows what they're doing, hopefully they don't shit on your dick.
And also, if you're a no foreplay kind of guy,
it's just courteous to be a lube kind of guy, right?
No.
Why the hell would I?
I mean, why the fuck would I buy like $50 lube?
You already mentioned your penile pain from how dry she is.
Yeah, you're talking about dick friction,
and you're thinking, oh, it's because this pussy is so tight. It's like, no, because you just popped in dick friction and you're thinking oh it's because
this pussy's so tight it's like no because you just popped in there and she hasn't even
lubricated yet i mean i guess i mean i don't know i feel like how young are you i'm 23 i feel dude
why the hell would i buy a lube for 50 bucks when i just pull my dick out and they start sucking it
like that's the same thing and it doesn't hurt and then I'll go you'll
like it yeah you will win you over with this yeah then there's a massive
difference between wet platinum and like any of the other lubricants like ky is
which like I think it's the most popular one it's the one you always hear about
that shit like put that between your hands and rub your hands together for 30
seconds and it turns into glue it's like tacky mmm there's like strings it's like
Elmer's Chuck like kids glue from
fucking school. It's a very, I think of it as a low class
kind of lube. It's absolutely low class kind of lube.
And you end up gluing your dick to an asshole after five minutes of anal.
This shit'll go for like half an hour
or something like that. I put it in my car. It lasts for 15,000 miles.
It genuinely is too
slippery because you will finish
fucking, you know, there's lube on your dick,
you'll think you wipe it all off, and then
16 hours later when you wake up and shower the next
day, as soon as you step
in the shower and the water hits your dick,
the whole floor of your bath is
slippery and dangerous. It beads up
like a freshly waxed car.
You're like, ah, it's still there. It's clearly still
there. Like your dick is visibly shiny.
Why would I want that?
You don't want a shiny dick?
No, I mean, when I'm already, when I have sex, my dick's already like fucking sticky enough.
Why the hell would I want to make it even more sticky?
You don't need to always use lube, but you're saying, oh, it's uncomfortable because I don't like foreplay.
And we're saying, ah, a fix for this is if you use lube. If you did lube and foreplay, you probably wouldn't need to use much
lube. I don't know. I'm 23 years old. All my women are in their early 20s. I feel like foreplay is
something you do when you're bored of sex. And I'm not bored of sex just yet.
They should have done foreplay before they came over, right?
Yeah. I mean, they should have fingered their own pussy if they wanted to. Yeah own pussy if they wanted lube they should have made their own on the car drive here i what one
wet platinum needs a uh a glitter variety right how awesome would that be like it already doesn't
come off he says why would i want a shiny dip what if it were shiny and glittery no that's the
fucking worst first of all glitter is an abomination like
strippers always have glitter all over i i don't know how many strip clubs you you go to woody i
don't think that that's your thing but just so you know strippers cover themselves in fucking glitter
and it looks good i guess under like the the low lights and the black lights and stuff
but they rub all over you and now you have glitter all over you and that shit's impossible
but there's zero chance that I could get away with going
to a strip club.
I would come home smelling a perfume and looking at glitter.
I fucked a unicorn!
I mean, you could just take a shower and then that would get rid
of the glitter and go in like a pool or something.
Would it?
Kinda.
You can't put glitter in lube. Think of whatever kind of pussy infection every woman's gonna get because there's glitter hanging out in there for years afterward.
Right?
I'm gonna go ice on this. How is that my problem? Huh, Taylor?
Why would I care?
Silly me.
Her doctor's like, so are you having any discharge?
Yeah! Glitter's shooting out of my
cunt.
I mean, yeah, honestly it doesn't matter.
I mean, I've went to a shirt club, I've had glitter on me
for weeks, dude, and I just couldn't get it off, dude.
I mean, I don't take a shower that often, so it's a little bit different.
Ah, this reminds me of my idea
for that pill that makes, uh,
makes your cum glitter. Like, the
cum-fetti? The the comfetti pill.
So that every time you-
Yeah, I like the idea of that way more,
or the name of your product way more than the actual,
what the product is.
Cause it seems inconvenient.
Have you heard the slogan for my brand of condoms?
What?
They're camouflage.
It's a camouflage pattern.
It says, she'll never see you coming.
That might actually be like rape
No, it's a camouflage joke
If you actually do buy wet platinum here's an actual pro tip do not get the flavored kind
there's like sugar in it and shit and that can give a girl an infection for real so you want
the standard vanilla wet platinum kyle knows what's up i mean honestly if i have like a one
night stand doesn't really matter not to you i mean i want that shit to be tasty if i'm
gonna fucking go down on that shit but motherfucking i don't care if she gets infected that's not my
hypothetical single woody is on team kyle with the one night stand thing kyle has talked about
this before and you know he'll he'll maybe meet a girl everything goes really well and she's like
ah you know i guess you don't want you won't call me tomorrow yes i will
i want more one night stands you're on team kyle now welcome to the club you and i we can do this
repeatedly there's no reason to have a one night stand when you can have a serial one night stand
you know that's i i absolutely agree with that i don't understand the one night stand thing it also
it almost seems like the kind of thing that a guy who's not good at sex does.
He's like, oh, I fucked her. She saw how bad I was.
Fooled her.
Yeah, tricked her.
She was never interested again.
Now I gotta move on and find a new mark.
Yeah, no one's gonna try and transition your one night stand into a friends with benefits.
Exactly. That's exactly... I've done that every single time like there's been i i've
had a lot of like just meet the girl and have sex kind of situations i guess you would call like
like like really quickly you know like meet them now and then have sex in an hour or two hours or
five minutes or whatever but i've never been like oh time to skip town delete your number all right
block like i would never do that first of all
it's super shitty and second of all why would i do that right unless something went wrong
when does when does it get to the point where you start actually dating the woman if you have sex
like 30 times when does that relationship actually happen um it depends on your definition of a
relationship right like i'm fine going out to dinner with a woman or going to a movie with a woman. I just don't want to be held down by
a bunch of antiquated
rules and
views on how I should be.
All the sex, none of the accountability.
Kyle will just keep going until she eventually
realizes that she's been emotionally abandoned
and leaves on her own. We call this
the Church of Kyle.
Okay.
That's interesting. I feel like should be uh a member of the congregation
someone help me what is what is a person in the church of kyle called a parishioner disciple yeah
i guess parishioner would be a standard one yes disciple would be an elite level in the church
of kyle yes yes taylor is one of my disciples he he goes forth and spreads the word of the Church of Kyle
by fucking a whole bunch of tinderhoes
and still keeping them on the line.
You know, you catch one,
and once you've got the fish in,
you don't just throw it in the bucket
and just let it go away.
You don't catch and release.
No, you catch,
and then you put it in the fish basket
under your boat.
Now you've got a whole fish basket
full of like a live trap, if you will. Now, some people go a step too far Now you've got a whole fish basket full of a live trap, if you will.
Now, some people go a step too far.
They've got a live trap in their basement with
chains and stuff like that.
No, that's not...
As soon as the fish feels comfortable
that it's always going to have a spot on the
boat, you throw it back.
Yep, that's when you throw it back.
Circle of life.
Circle of life, yes. So you have a religion about sex or what's going on there?
More about relationships and how to conduct them, really.
Basically, we don't see any reason in the modern day to get married, right?
I don't need a family to help me grow my crops.
I don't need eight children to help me till the soil or anything like that.
I don't need to lock down a woman real quickly before the plague comes in and takes all the pretty girls away or anything like that.
This is the 1800s, so there's no reason to marry a woman.
Now, she's got plenty of reasons perhaps to want to marry you, but what are your motivations to marry her?
I badly, badly want Kyle to debate this with Jordan Peterson.
Honestly- You have to slay the dragon, save your father.
That's no joke.
Kyle, are you never gonna get married then?
I don't plan to.
I would have to, I can't imagine the scenario in which I would.
I would really have to meet someone that was like, I'll tell you here,
the reason that I would get married to a woman is the exact same reason that most women want
to marry men in my humble, ignorant opinion. If I found a woman who was worth 10 or $15 million,
then I'd marry her for the financial stability that she provides, right?
And then I divorce her, take half her fucking money and get some more ladies Kyle
What would you say this?
What if she was like you know a really hot kind of fit Asian porn star and she let you fuck other women?
the boogie scenario
You might as well be talking about dark matter or something
You might as well be talking about dark matter or something.
Fucking Boogie299 was like, we love Boogie and everything.
But Boogie's a recovering giant person.
He's lost a ton of weight.
He's looking better by the day.
And he went through that divorce, and he's looking for a new lady. And he's like, yeah, I'm kind of looking for like a five-foot-one Asian chick who just wants to fucking suck my dick all the time.
And she's okay with me fucking other girls.
And she's like a 10 out of 10.
Is Boogie fucking other girls like that?
No.
No, he's not.
He's waiting around to find that leprechaun in the mix, though, apparently.
That one girl with, with like really serious emotional issues
who thinks that boogie is the answer to all of her problems. I don't think she exists
personally. I refer to that as a choosing beggar. There's a whole subreddit devoted
to that but good luck to him. Good luck to him. And whenever he finds her, I wanna meet
her sister cuz that's the lowest self-esteem on the planet. I could do something with that.
Honestly, Kyle, have you ever considered getting married to a woman
just because she'll take care of you?
You know what I mean?
Because honestly, myself, I could see myself marrying a woman
who actively is taking care of me and doing everything for me.
I wake up and all my shit's done and I don't got to do anything.
I think you just hired someone for that,
right? You guys are just describing
sex slavery. You have to calculate
It's a good deal if you can get it.
Yeah.
Woody has paid more for his personal
assistant than you would ever...
You could have a team of
personal assistants for what it has cost
Woody to be married, though. I'm sure it's
a good deal for you if you're happy with the deal you've struck. I need my calculator.
But yeah, get the calculator. But your wife has cost you hundreds and hundreds of thousands of
dollars, if not a million or more. Right.
If you think about just the food alone. I know that starts pretty basic. Think about the cape
budget, all the capes that you have to buy this woman. And I know you're not – we've talked about your vehicle situation before.
It's not like you're buying a new car every – not – forget every one year, every ten years.
Not every ten years.
Not every ten years, but just the money that you invest in your wife and the extra cost that she comes along with, you could be using that money to just hire a personal assistant, right?
I mean, I guess you can't really take your personal assistant out for like a nice dinner and like show her off as like your trophy
yeah maybe you're not gonna have kids with your personal assistant yeah i also i also want to
have kids all right so you do want kids you have to decide what i want one child i want one guy
if i have a woman or if i have a female child I'm gonna get her motherfucking, I don't want that. I want a male child.
You mean you're gonna abort your female baby?
I mean, I don't want to say it like that, but I mean, if I get...
There's always adoption.
You can go to a semen bank and jizz inside the fucking semen cup.
And then they can genetically change and insert into the woman what you want.
Like blue eyes, fucking jeans, fucking male jeans.
You can choose what kind of baby you want.
I'll probably do some shit like that.
So I want like a nice green eye, black hair, white skin, fucking male child.
You'd pick a white baby.
Well, I mean, I'm white myself, so I don't think I have any black genes inside me.
So I don't think I can get black genes out of my semen.
You got that black guy voice.
Just saying.
I mean, maybe I'll get a motherfucking black baby.
I don't know.
I got 5% African in me.
Who knows?
Close your eyes and tell me Ice isn't black.
Hey, yo, what's going on, baby?
How you doing?
See? hey yo what's going on baby how you doing see but uh how specific are you gonna get with your choosing of traits
are you just just like high level like hair color eye color are you gonna be picking stuff like
height how good yeah i'm gonna pick whatever i can in the in the genetic thing i know it's
very expensive because uh obviously you have to uh you know it's not cheap to genetically choose what kind of baby you want but i'm a dude i don't know why anyone would ever know it's very expensive because obviously you have to, you know, it's not
cheap to genetically choose what kind of baby you want, but I'm a dude. I don't know why anyone
would ever come and start a woman and then just guess on what baby they're going to have when you
can choose the kind of baby if you spend like a few thousand dollars. So, I mean, I don't know.
I want a nice child so I can take care of it. And like, I have this gene in the world. So when I die,
my baby, you know, takes over everything that I have accomplished. Then he can harass people in public wearing dresses and Ebola masks.
I mean, hey, maybe.
I mean, I don't know.
I mean, don't you guys look kind of like you want a baby yourself?
No, I don't want any children.
You know, abortions are like $500 or something like that. You know, I don't want any children um you know the abortions are like 500 or something like that
you know it just i don't want any children ever like it's they cost too much too much of my time
is taken up by that like like i i like video games i don't have time to be looking after a baby i'm
not doing that no oh no i'm not dude i'm not looking after the baby myself i'm gonna fucking
uh hire like somebody to look after the baby like i'll set i'll
have like a little uh caretaker to take care of the baby and then i just it's just my
genes and the baby so i get to see what i've created i'm not actually gonna take care of it
i'd rather have a dog it's not let's get a dog dogs love you unconditionally you kick the dog
every day and still love you even if you burn him alive in an apartment he'd still love you you can
kick a dog every day and it will still love you it'll get mad and like attack no they love you more it's beaten dogs are the most loving
dogs to have ever walked the earth i was joking what the fuck's wrong with you i'm not beating my
dogs i just know we adopted a beaten dog and and he just like is he can't get enough love from you
he's always trying to prove himself to you it's not a
bad way to handle relationships quite frankly it's like uh it's like when you watch those interviews
with like north korean defectors and they talk about like basic shit like a whopper from burger
king and they're like oh it's the best thing i ever tasted and it's like it's only because you're
so used to being beaten and living in an internment camp you know under that fat fuck you come here and this is a little better but it's really not that great it's like a beaten dog so you're so used to being beaten and living in an internment camp, you know, under that fat fuck, you come here and this is a little better.
But it's really not that great.
It's like a beaten dog.
So you guys are saying that a beaten dog loves you more?
Mm-hmm.
Not in real life.
It's just more likely to attack.
I mean, maybe.
That's true.
I feel like if you beat your dog, it's going to get mentally ill.
Maybe. I don't want any fucking kids, though. No, the kids are fucking annoying.
I hate children. I've had nieces and nephews.
I don't like hanging around with this fucking seven-year-old child.
I thought he'd make a great uncle.
I know. You're wrong.
make a great uncle i know you're wrong yeah i always thought like like all right kyle's not currently wired to be a parent but he could be a great parachute parent right where he just like
drops in teaches them to like shoot or work a bow and arrow and then vanishes i thought that would
be your cup of tea but nah nah fuck kids i i really hate kids i mean i why do you hate kids. I mean I Why do you hate kids though?
I'm on the same team Kyle now I see
They're annoying. They're stupid little adults that that you can't have any fun with right?
Do you really hate the kids though or do you like hate the idea of having your own freedom kind of curtailed?
Both like I don't like other people's kids when I see other people's kids
I just I'm just kind of annoyed by them being there and asking their stupid questions and being hyperactive.
It's like, sit fucking still.
We're in line at the drugstore.
Stop tugging on everybody's sleeves and trying to put Cadbury eggs in your pockets.
I mean, if you take good care of your child, they're not going to be that way.
You know what I mean?
If you're a good parent.
I mean, honestly, growing up myself, if I were to do some stupid shit inside the store, I would get slapped. And then I'll stop. You know what I mean? Like if you're a good parent, I mean honestly growing up myself my if I were to do some stupid shit
It's not the storm. I I'll get slapped
So and now I'll stop you know what I mean?
And they say you know slap your child's not a good thing
But I mean shit I was in the store doing stupid shit my dad fucking slaps me
I'm not doing that stupid shit anymore, but he just hit me with his hand
Yeah, you know my mom or whatever. I'll just like be
Sir some shit, you know, yeah, shit you know what he was abused as a
child quite severely his mother beat him with like ice scrapers and and high-heeled shoes
and stuff like that yeah really tore him down emotionally and physically it's let's produce
the man we have today but it's okay because he's very very religious now so it's all forgotten
are you religious at all ice like is that is that in your makeup and your history at all?
Were your parents religious?
Did you grow up in a religious background?
Are you religious today?
No, I'm agnostic.
I feel like there is a creator,
but I don't believe in any of the bullshit from the Bible.
No religion, per se,
but there's a fucking creator, like an alien or something,
who sent our genes to planet Earth. Oh, I like that that yeah i like that that's that's kind of a cool theory
that that you know that wait you believe that an intelligent like an intelligence sent our
genes to earth and like yeah so i ate shrooms a long time ago and i tripped my and i tripped
balls and i and i saw like or i didn't anything, but I just saw the world in a different kind of way.
And I saw like that everything is like fucking like in a pattern.
You know what I mean?
So life – like there's definitely a creator because shit is not being made in a pattern by itself.
You know what I mean?
Like there's not – like if there was no creator everything would be
a lot more sporadic and a lot more random but there's like patterns and shit so in like how
things are created so that's only you know made from motherfucking some kind of creator yeah i
don't believe that i uh i'm pretty sure that we're just an accident and uh and i like it that way
better and i like knowing that after i'm dead there's nothing else it's just
worms in the ground so you know i i think about it kind of suck to think about though like i'm
not religious either but like sometimes i'm like god damn it like i i wish there was one that i
kind of believed in so that i could be like like billy graham that dude who lived like a hundred
years old and just died like right before he died like he was like oh i'm i'm 100 sure i'm
fucking going i'm going to the promised land baby like he was like oh i'm 100 sure i'm fucking going i'm going to the
promised land baby like he was probably feeling great even then but he doesn't even know that he
was wrong like he's just dead and that's it like you don't even there's no i told you so well i
don't i don't think there's an afterlife but i do think that there's some sort of creator like
think about it how how was uh like why does the sun why is the sun created from the chemical pad like the
chemicals and shit dude and how come you know he is coming off that chemicals that like it's hard
it's hard to explain but like all these like different like all the chemical fusion you know
hydrogen fusion like this shit is created because somebody made it that way it's not sporadic
because there's too many little trinkets involved
in the atoms to make it
just random.
We've all heard the trinket argument.
Because something was complicated, it was planned.
I mean, yeah.
I think it's too complicated
for it to not be
random.
But I don't think there's an afterlife.
I think there's just some sort of aliens or something.
That's the worst of... I think that's
the worst thing to believe.
You took all the bad parts of religion.
Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, there's definitely
a guy up there who's watching us and stuff
and maybe fucking with our lives a little
occasionally, but we get nothing in return.
There's definitely no heaven. Might be a hell.
I don't think there's...
I don't think there's anyone watching us.
I just think somebody created us,
and then we're just doing our own thing.
Nobody's watching us.
So maybe not like an omnipotent, omniscient god being,
but maybe some alien scientist was like, boop.
All right, yeah, this would be cool.
I mean, if you make some artificial AI in a computer,
you made that AI, but you're not watching that AI.
You know what I mean?
And the AI just does whatever the fuck it wants.
It starts creating different things.
They have programs like that. I think that's essentially
the same thing. It's not that you think there's
a god out there. You think that there just was a
creator, and that creator is probably aliens.
Yeah, something made our
fucking universe. I don't know what it is, but something
I think fucking made it, and then we
just kind of did our own thing from there.
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Yes. Wow, you're talking a lot about
getting laid. I'm sure everybody in the chat
wants to get laid, and you're not going to do that with shitty
breath. Yeah, I'm a fan of SmartMouth.
I use it every day. I just hit some a minute
ago. I've only been awake. I don't even brush my teeth dude. Fucking fuck it dude
How often do you really brush your teeth?
Like once every other day. I'm just fucking lazy dude. If I brush my teeth, honestly
It's like when I wake up in the morning. I want to drink fucking orange juice
I want to drink fucking whatever dude, and if I brush my teeth everything tastes like shit, so
Why would you brush your teeth? I can't tell with your jokes. I mean, it doesn't bother you.
Right?
I mean, I have fucking Orbit gum in my house,
so if some girl's coming over, I'll chew some gum real quick.
Yeah, it does the trick.
As long as my teeth aren't like green and shit.
Pretty much.
That's disgusting.
Aren't you worried about, like, you know,
dental care is fucking expensive, right?
Like, Taylor here, he's about to have all of his fucking teeth replaced.
It's like, how much is it going to cost, Taylor?
To, like, get my fucked up, ground-down teeth?
Like, $12,000?
Yeah, like $12,000.
I've got a friend who all of his teeth are, like, rotted out of his head.
They're all black and green, and they look like car keys with, like, gaps between them.
He needs, like, $40,000 worth of dental work.
I mean, I don't know.
I haven't gone to the dentist in like two years.
Last time I went, I didn't have a cavity or anything.
Did you get the dentist's guilt trip, though, of like, oh, your gums are bleeding.
Oh, you're not brushing your teeth.
There's visible scum.
Last time I went to the dentist, they said, oh, you need to get your fucking molars removed or your wisdom teeth removed.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
And I got all my wisdom teeth removed, and that's the last thing they said They're like, oh your teeth are great brushed every day. I'm like, yeah, my fucking yeah, okay
So you did get your wisdom teeth removed?
Yeah, I got all four removed and I thought for sure you were gonna be like but that's a scam put on by big wisdom
Teeth I didn't fall for that
They said my wisdom teeth were making my teeth get all crooked
because it was growing inward and they showed me the x-rays
and I'm like, alright.
And they gave me like a whole bottle
of Oxycontin so I was like, shit. And I took that
shit and I smoked a bunch of weed and I was like, fuck, I feel like
shit and I threw the pills away.
And from then on
you've never brushed your teeth.
Well, I do
but just not every day dude it just depends i guess
i don't know i'm fucking just lazy and shit dude dude does your mouth just always taste like shit
because i know like if i wake up in the morning i don't brush my teeth the night before
like you can taste like whatever you ate for dinner like it tastes nasty you know like have
you just gotten used to that no i fucking love it dude i'll wake up in the morning i'll feel i don't feel there's some like teeth or some food in my mouth fucking eat that
shit for breakfast this is what i'm in bed taylor don't even gotta get up if you have that yuck
mouth thing then just eat an onion like an apple and it goes away well i mean if i eat onion if i
eat onion then that's fucking nasty and then i'll have to brush my teeth well eat fucking i don't
eat that much food food typically throughout the day
so I don't really need to brush every day.
I'll eat McDonald's or something. I don't really taste that afterward.
There's never been
a better guess
for smart mouth. Go pick some of that up
because that only takes 30 seconds.
If you are too lazy for
two minutes of brushing your teeth,
save 75% of that time.
Honestly, I've done that time honestly I've done
that before late like I've woken up in the night and just had disgusting breath
that I could just taste just like I'm just I smell my own breath here and it's
smart mouth kills it it's like it's like it's like rat poison for bad breath it's
great mm-hmm little little orbit toothbrush things you get at the fucking airport.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those work a lot too. Before I go and like kiss a girl or some shit, I'll just brush
it with that real quick.
You know what really works well?
You'll do anything to just not use a traditional toothbrush.
I was about to say, a toothbrush. Have you heard of a toothbrush? You see it's about
yea long.
It costs a dollar.
What is he gonna show us?
Probably his toothbrush. I bet it's pristine. Yeah is he going to show us? Probably his toothbrush.
I bet it's pristine.
Yeah, is it still the packaging?
There's no fucking telling.
I want to ask him about some workout tips that he could advise Wings of Redemption with.
I could use some.
So my toothbrush is, I do use it.
It's a little bit used.
So my toothbrush is, I do use it. It's a little bit used. It's a little bit, it's not like the best or whatever, but it's, you know, it's decent ass, a little toothbrush.
Has that toothbrush been in an asshole before?
No, it's been in my mouth.
Okay, just checking.
Yeah, it's pretty good shit, but what were you going to ask me?
Oh, well, we were going to talk more about our friend Wings of Redemption.
Like, you're in good shape.
I know you've worked out.
And I've seen those pictures of you in the past.
You look really ripped and everything.
What would you recommend to a 470-pound man who has two options?
I'll lay out his options. Can I interrupt?
Right?
James, if you're in the call, can you please hunt down a picture of Ice in his prime, the shirtless bodybuilding one?
Yeah.
So our friend Wings has two options right now.
He wants to get this weight loss surgery.
He's been accepting donations for a while,
and he's received like $25,000, $30,000 worth of donations.
He kind of keeps up in the price for some reason
because the surgery in Mexico costs $7,000, right?
He can go to fucking Mexico
and get this weight loss surgery for $7,000.
Or he can just not eat food.
That is option D on his list. Option B would be getting
the surgery done in the US. However, in the US, the surgery costs $16,800 and they require him to
lose 68 pounds. He has to go from 468, I believe, to 400 even, which is just an impossible thing.
He might as well cut off one of his legs if he wants to get there. So now he's kind of reneging on the whole thing. He's like, ah.
What is it? He's what? He's backing out. He's like, maybe now I'll just
put this money in my savings account that I raised for all this
weight loss surgery and maybe I'll just pocket it
and lose the weight naturally. So how could someone
who's 470 pounds you know about
nearing a quarter of a ton uh lose lose 60 pounds in in quick quick fashion what kind of diet
judging we've all swelled up to a quarter ton like now and then we know you know all the time
to time and the winner i'll gain i'll gain a quarter ton like yeah i don't think
i would ever uh go to mexico for any sort of surgery especially if it's half the price there's
a reason for that dude you've made some serious nose gains since these pictures were taken
i mean i don't know about that my nose is pretty small to be honest dude not any bigger than that
picture i think i don't. I don't know.
I don't know that top one, though.
Man, so are you working out just nonstop at this time?
You're looking so legit in this.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I know you joke.
I'm a little gay myself. And you are looking sweet in these shots.
Yeah, I used to work out, like, every day, dude.
Fucking, like, three hours a day.
It was great.
Let me get it to fit great I don't know I'm very impressed Kyle you've started some interesting conversations from your use of the word. Yeah, I wonder. Crazy.
I think it's the N-word.
Did you cut your diet a ton to look like that?
You must have cut to get there.
No.
No, in that picture, I was eating fast food pretty often, like every day almost.
Yeah, so I just don't gain body fat.
I just have a fast-ass metabolism, so I just eat McDonald's and shit and work out. I was strong as fuck because I could eat a lot of calories without gain body fat. I just have a fast ass metabolism. So I just eat McDonald's and shit and then work out.
I was strong as fuck because I could eat a lot of calories without gaining any fat.
And so I was like skinny.
I was like lean, but like stronger than I looked because I could eat a fuckload of calories and fat and shit.
How long was your workout?
I'm curious.
How long did it take you?
Like three, four hours.
Really?
So it was a three or four hour workout?
Yeah, I did a full body workout three days a week.
So it was like, it took me like three, four hours per, you know, one hour per fucking muscle group.
You know, chest, back, fucking legs, just everything for like an hour. Did you do any kind of steroids or TRT or anything to help you with that?
Dude, no.
If I did steroids, I'd be over 200 pounds.
I was only like 180.
I'm not judging.
I'm just weighing my options.
Don't get it twisted.
Honestly.
You see, Woody has a big bodybuilder meet coming up soon.
Actually, no.
Woody's just a little vain.
And he's thinking about going on roids.
I guess to show off to the other paramotors or his wife or us.
I'm not sure which.
And I am full force behind it.
I am 100% behind you getting on steroids.
I want to see a raging Woody.
I kind of liked that vitriol that we saw coming out
at the beginning of the show when you attacked
that mentally handicapped man with no mercy whatsoever with no mercy whatsoever uh just just just low blow
after low blow like like i imagine like a like an ollie combo except it's all nut shots that's what
that whole attack on wings redemption was dude that was that was more brutal than the entire
aggregate of every wings parody channel he's actually said that about me a good half dozen
times that's his thing you know
i remember one time i was like wings you know you people forgive you again and again and again
right you let them down on their weight loss you let them down you ban them you treat them poorly
constantly and he's like well that's because i have some semblance of a personality that's a
quote and like wings in his fucking retarded little mind thinks that he has
this all figured out as to why people keep coming back to him he thinks it's because he has a natural
charisma and not that he's a fucking nascar driver that crashes every goddamn weekend and he doesn't
understand that they are not watching him because they love him they are watching him because he is a shit show all the time he never lets them down and uh for your next for your next act why don't you call
him a pussy for not killing himself yet just really put the have some mercy on him kyle he
is most likely watching this blubbering in tears as we speak you know he will you know he's gonna
be blood it's it's fucking sunday before the next sunday he'll be blubbering in tears as we speak. You know he will! You know he's going to be blubbering.
It's fucking Sunday. Before the next Sunday, he'll be blubbering in tears at least
twice.
You guys really don't like
Rings of Redemption, I'm assuming.
I was his only ally on the show.
I was the nicest one.
I usually make funny jokes. I've always been neutral
on this.
I usually just joke because it's funny but wait
but what he's really really taking a chunk out of him right now you know you're allowed to win
fights you're allowed to win right if a little guy hits you it's okay to hit him back or a woman
for that there's a spectrum there right and don't laugh you've slugged a woman before well I was 13 years old but yeah it has happened before um took her right out took her
down a notch as you like to say never said that I totally did like have you
ever like slapped a woman or punched a woman yes you have yes you have i can already tell yeah you can
fucking hesitate i said slap the hoe well okay so i've never hit a woman to hurt her i've slapped
a bitch in bed in the face okay but she was down for it no i slapped her pussy okay well that's
okay i'll be like she'll be laying down, I'll just like,
like I'll slap it fucking hard and grab it, you know what I mean?
And just like get my shit up in there.
But I don't hurt women.
One pussy slap and that's all the foreplay you need.
Then you're on to dry, uncomfortable sex for five to ten minutes.
I mean, socially.
I mean, do I look like the type of guy who hits a woman i mean if they step out of line
as you would say no i don't need this i don't need to hit a woman i just tell her to stop and
they fucking stop what if you did need to hit a woman what if what if a girl was really in your
face and she's like shoving you like like you know come on pussy come on pussy come on do something
do something just smack it in the face like Like, at what point do you run?
So I've gotten
into arguments with my girlfriends
before, and, you know, they fucking push me
or whatever, and they'll fucking yell at me.
And I'll just stare. I'll just sit there and stare
at them and be, like, just laughing at them.
Like, just fucking laugh at them while they're pushing
me and, like, yelling in anger.
And I think that's worse than actually hitting
her. Like, just fucking laughing in her face because i don't know i don't know well i don't need to hit a woman i
just laugh in her face and she's trying to be all fucking alpha and that just fucking pisses them
off more than they walk out and then i don't even gotta say anything you know what i mean because
no girl wants to get laughed at in their face so and then i won't actually have to deal with any
repercussion if i hit her so well i've never hit a woman in anger or anything like that but and i've told the story before so i'll do it kind of quickly i know there's
people that haven't heard it uh but but i i met this girl and i was on a road trip one time with
my buddies and we we go to this hotel and there's a girl outside the hotel and i meet her and start
talking to her and i end up getting her up in my my my hotel room or whatever and uh she's she's
fucking crazy like first she's scratching my back so much while
we're fucking that i have to tie her hands up at one point just to just like get her off of my back
because she's like scratching like to the blood and uh she at one point she's like she pulls out
a box cutter you know like a razor knife and i am immediately like scared and like i'm thinking like
all right my gun's over there in the dresser i guess i could like ninja roll and get it if i need to she like she she like extends the box cutter
and looks at me she's like topless at this point she's like i want you to cut me and i'm like i
take the box cutter and i'm like no no i'm not gonna fucking cut you this is going in the drawer
this is going to draw the other weapons like like no we're not gonna want you to cut her like what
did she say like cut my my arm cut my ass cut my we did get to that point
She just videotape consent if that's gonna I didn't know
Cuz I didn't want to cut a woman. I wanted to fuck the woman you would cut her if she asked you to cut her
Circle back to you doing worse than cutting a bitch with a with a box cutter but she ends up like at one point she's like yes we're fucking
and she's like slap me and i'm like where she's like in the face and so i i give her like a like
a like a little tap and she's like come on pussy and i'm like the fuck all right and i give her
like what i would call like one quarter slap like maybe like how you
would like slap a hamburger patty or something if you're making burgers like you're making a
slam burger i don't know like like like and she's like no hit me and i'm like i'm a little
scared now so i slug her i give her a hundred percent slap across the face and she's like
yeah that's what i'm talking about so like that had been part
of our sex that night well the next morning my cousin comes into the room because he was it was
a double room he was supposed to be sleeping one of those beds he was my cameraman and he had had
to sleep in the truck with a fucking pillow all night because i've been fucking this chick till
like the break of dawn literally he comes in all grouchy and shit and goes in the shower and
everything and and he's just complaining the whole time this is bullshit you fucking made me sleep in the truck you could have at least got
me another room like ah shit man i didn't know you were in the truck so like i tell the girl
i'm like hey we're gonna we're gonna play a fucking prank on my cousin just just go with
me here so like he comes back out of the shower and i'm like look man i'm sorry that you had to
do that it's her fucking fault it's all her fucking fault you know what bitch come here
and i slugged her in the face again like full force right across the face and she is like wow. And my cousin
just like holy shit. No, no, it's cool. It's cool. It's cool. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna
go outside and smoke. Just calm down, calm down. Don't hit her again. Don't hit her again.
So you're women like that't get how women like that. They just, they enjoy getting beat? I enjoy pain. Well, this isn't a hard and fast rule. Don't assume.
Look, I've known a lot of girls. That's the only girl I've ever known who was into getting
slapped in the face. Like I've known girls that one of their titties slapped or their ass slapped
and like wanted held down or tied up or whatever. But like never had i i never before or since have i met a
girl who wanted to get slapped in the face like like that especially not like full force like i
was slapping her i won't say as hard as i could because i didn't like put a push into it like a
punch but like a full-on like bitch slap sort of thing to the point where like you can see hand
prints on her face like she was into it that's what she wanted i don't know if i would do that that's that's a bit rough because she could like actually claim
that you beat her or something if you leave that she leaves if any cops saw her they they'd probably
side with me she had a snake around her neck the whole time and she was talking a lot of crazy shit
you know she she you could tell she wanted it she carried a snake around her neck a live snake
a live living snake and at one point when we were making out, the snake went, like, did that tongue thing on me, and it, like, went by my ear, and I was like, ah, all right, snake's gotta go.
I thought the snake could be here, the snake's gotta go.
Why is she carrying a snake with her when you're fucking her?
She had a fucking pet snake, and she had it wrapped around her neck.
These are not normal women.
No shit, Sherlock. had it wrapped around her neck these are not normal women normal women don't bring razor blades
to strangers hotel rooms late at night and then tell them to cut you which is still the craziest
thing you know i've never had something like that happen in bed but i see circling back you said oh
i've done worse than that what were you thinking of that was worse than cutting a stranger with a
box cutter in a hotel room uh well i've i've choked a girl until she
passed out well she wanted me to yeah she was into some like serial killers and like she's into like
some weird fucking shit like like murders and killers and shit like that and she's like yo
choke me and shit i'm like uh how about that i you know gave her a little squeeze she's like
no fucking you know choke me fucking i'm like all right i fucking choked her ass until she passed
out and then uh I don't know.
I just felt weird, dude.
Like, my fucking mid, my dick was, like, mid inside of her, dude.
And she's, like, passed out.
I was like, fuck, wow, this is really odd.
Did you use one hand or two?
What?
Would you use one hand to choke her or two?
Yeah, just one hand, dude.
I just, I do, like, a little technique.
I don't need, like, that.
I just do, like, right here.
And then I squeeze like that.
And then it's.
Blood choke. You want to do it like this. I just do like right here and then I squeeze like that. And then it's- Blood choke.
You wanna do it like this, two hands.
Yeah, it was some weird ass shit.
I didn't like that because- What is choked a lot of ladies?
I wanna girl them up.
I wanna girl them up.
You know what I mean?
You gotta do it discreetly and most importantly, quietly.
And no bruises.
That's why I always hit my partners with phone books.
Doesn't leave a bruise. I don't know. Would you guys do that?
I feel like making somebody pass out
during sex
is just so weird. No, it's great.
I've known multiple girls
that wanted to be choked until they passed out
because there's some sort of sexual rush
when they come to.
Basically, you're cutting the blood off to their brain
during sex, and then when you release
and the blood rushes back to the brain, there's a huge sense of euphoria that mixes with the pleasure of sex.
So I've done that a lot.
And until they go unconscious, or until they go to this brown-out place, and I don't mean shit themselves brown-out.
I mean they go to a place where everything goes pretty much dark, and then you release, and they come back,
and you can kind of repeat that rapidly.
I had a girl choking my dick one time,
and I was sucking my dick one time,
and I was choking her.
Choking your dick?
Yeah.
And I choked her unconscious while she was sucking my dick,
and I didn't realize she was unconscious,
so when I let go, she had this spasm where she bit down. Like when people have seizures
and they're like, you have to put something in their mouth. She bit down on my dick. And
it wasn't like a bite it off kind of bite down. It was more like a nom, nom, nom, nom,
nom, nom, nom kind of thing.
And all of a sudden, she goes, nom, nom, nom, no, no, no, no. And I'm just like, I'm having to pull this spasming,
unconscious lady off my penis.
On a related note,
if you're having a hard time coming,
then you can just work enthusiastically
and hold your own breath.
It helps.
Okay.
And that's why I just like to get my nut off
and get it done with,
because that just sounds like a lot of work.
Having some girl pass out and shit, like,
ah, no, I don't want that. I just want my nut.
No, see, you mix your workout with your sex.
That weighs two birds with one stone.
Favorite exercise.
You only have to take one shower afterwards.
If you're not getting a pump while you're fucking,
you're not doing it right.
I mean, I guess maybe you're doing it wrong because if you don't if you can get your nut
off and i haven't do anything then i feel like that's the best way to do it ah but i'm up for
the activity right like i don't want to you know i i'm the actual activity itself is fun that you
see you guys do like the foreplay is something that's fun yeah you know like i think i thought
most people kind of enjoyed that for you though you guys find sex to
be fun then we find sex to be fun yes actually yeah of course i believe us and 99.9 percent of
all confused i said you do how do you not think sex is fun it's just boring i don't know it's
fucking like i mean it feels good but i mean i I do some way better. I don't know if you've heard this before
Like there's there's some there's some evidence right little little breadcrumbs around that you could be gay
There's a lot of latent homosexuality in this call right now
So I mean if I was gay, I don't think I'd be able to get a boner and then my nut with women.
So I'm not gay, but I definitely, I don't know, man.
It feels good, but I just could be, I could be watching a movie or something.
You know, I could be fucking playing Fortnite.
I could be doing a million other things that are more fun and more stimulating than sex.
Oh, no.
Dude, there's not a video game in the world or a movie that I'd rather watch than have sex.
Like, having sex is fun that's why
taylor has active 1000 achievement points on tinder yeah i think the only fun part about
having sex is actually the the climax i don't know like oh my god like getting like fucking
is like it feels good but it doesn't feel that good where it's like i can be not bored but the
climax is like really fun but then it only lasts like 10
seconds so i i have i have a good one all right if you had a sex app or a dating app whatever hookup
app that had achievements to unlock what would some of the most difficult achievements be to
unlock on a hookup app like tinder oh probably uh i don't know, like... Like multiple girls at once?
Staying hard five girls in a row. Okay. Okay. I thought you're gonna say
staying hard for a woman. No, for the whole five-minute ordeal.
The whole time you're staring at that poster of Mario Lopez on the wall.
Or just, or like trying not to come for, like, 45 minutes
or something. Like, actually, that's a good idea.
They should make an app with achievements
so you can, like, tick or something, and that girl will verify it.
Yeah, the girl would have to verify.
Yeah, the girl would have to verify, or you could just cheat,
right? Like, I think
maybe if you could get, like, a mother-daughter
three-way going on, I think that's
the most difficult achievement. That would actually
be really fun. That's a good idea. should create that in real life though i feel like it
would be weird to do like the mother-daughter kind of thing you would see in a porn video
like as soon as it actually started to go down you'd be like oh this is this is strange like
these people are related like that's a mom and that's your daughter like how are they cool with
this degenerates you know i mean i feel like that no i mean i feel like a mom and that's her daughter like how are they cool with this degenerates you know
i mean no i mean i feel like a mother and daughter having sex with each other is just
completely fine as long as they're of age and consent it's just whatever yeah yeah i mean i
don't know do you think that if a brother and sister if it was of age and they consent is that
okay um i don't think it's moral but i think it should be legal right yeah i mean i don't think
i don't think we should have laws like like you know saying oh you can't fuck this person or that
person like it just seems like you know if that's what you want to do i mean i feel it's like uh i
mean they're both adults if they yes they share uh they share blood but i don't think it's you know i, it's fucking weird, but I don't think anybody should care as long as they're not making babies, you know what I mean?
Yeah, you definitely don't want them having kids.
Then you're going to slowly make society retarded.
Uncle Dad! Uncle Dad!
You have to give the kid two Christmas presents, one from his uncle and one from his dad.
Yeah, that's fucked. You don't want any incest babies coming out. You have to give the kid two Christmas presents, one from his uncle and one from his dad.
Yeah, that's fucked.
You don't want any incest babies coming out.
That would be a real fucking mess. But yeah, I don't think sexuality should be any kind of it.
As long as no one's being hurt or forced to do anything.
And as long as everyone is able to consent and has consented.
You know, anything and everything right
yeah i mean i i think so i definitely but everybody i don't think you should be able to
fuck animals that well at all but if you're gonna if you're gonna draw a line there then i think
we've talked about it before like it's got to be an animal that could beat you up or throw you off.
You know, you can't just keep going around, like, raping, like, poodles and stuff, like little dogs.
That's fucked.
I've had that same philosophy.
Like, if you have sex with, like, a horse, that horse can kick you across the barn if it wants to.
You know, it's there because it wants to.
I mean, somebody actually died from fucking a horse.
Yeah, and it depends on what we mean by fucking a horse, right?
Do we mean putting your dick in the horse or receiving the dick from the horse?
There's a big difference either way.
I think that I just don't see how it should be illegal for someone to receive dick from an animal.
Any animal.
I like the way Kyle's thinking.
You could receive dick from any animal, right? A pigeon could fuck you, and clearly that pigeon is pro interspecies sex, right?
But for receiving, right? Like, I feel like you shouldn't be able to fuck a chicken, right?
Yeah, you stick your dick in a chicken. That chicken ain't never gonna be right.
Yes, it should do.
I'm doing my house that's that's a good point yeah because you know
you're an animal because yeah they fuck you and then they that motherfucker but if you fuck the
animal then you you can't claim rape against the animal that's actually a good point yeah unless
the animal's big enough at which point obviously it's consenting society became okay with people
having sex with animals like where does the slippery slope even go from there like
is there something you fucking bigot close you know what that's what they said about homosexual
relationships at first you know that right and interracial relationships and here you are we're
using the same tactics to deride the map but the donkey fuckers of this land. The dog suckers. The horse riders.
Come on.
You gotta get on board.
It's the 21st century.
If someone wants to be a donkey show actress, then let her freak flag fly.
Taylor, look!
Look here!
Listen!
Bears are people!
I guess that was a really insightful way to put it, Kyle.
I've been kind of a bigot
You know here. I am saying people shouldn't have sex with animals, but it turns out. I've been wrong you
What is the next degenerate thing though like you know like back in the day?
They'd be like oh if you like gays get married people are gonna start marrying toasters and stuff and then dead dead bodies dead bodies
Is next after animals.
Necrophilia, when you are fucking a dead body.
Now, a dead body can't give consent,
but they also can't complain.
And then after that, dead animals.
Ah, nobody wants to fuck a dead animal.
There's so many live ones available.
Nobody?
Someone's a little presumptive.
I don't think having sex with a dead body would actually work
because they wouldn't be able to get wet.
That's never been a problem for you.
Yeah, I know.
First of all, we have a solution.
Second, you don't give them time anyway.
Yeah, I guess if you lube it, then you can fuck anything, right?
Fuck it, dude.
Absolutely.
You could fuck a belly button.
Oh, we've done that, but...
Have you fucked a belly button?
It doesn't work. It's too small, but, I mean, we've tried. You've you fucked a belly button it doesn't work it's too small but
i mean we've tried you've been you've been fucking too small of a lady now that is your next challenge
for a stream find yourself a three or four hundred pound lady or a bbw as wings calls them and try to
fuck a belly button because the fatter the chick is the deeper her belly button is like a normal
belly button is like you know like like a little bit of your pinky right you're like that tickles have you ever fucked a fat roll
no i have never fucked a fat roll or a person who has a fat roll capable of being fucked
okay so it seems like it would it would it would just be very like i've never fucked a fat lady so
i don't know if you have um i know i haven't fucked a fat lady uh certainly not one that fat right that she has
roles capable of being fucked or anything and and and and i and i don't want to i don't even
watch porn with women that fat no no why would you you know this is supposed to be your fantasy
this is supposed to be your you know you're supposed to be looking for for the best of the
best if you're on porn or the worst of the the worst, depending on how you're bit. Some guys like that shit. Some guys like them big
and fucking rough.
I don't understand that.
I really don't understand the guys.
And I know that's a thing.
I know there are guys who are fit, good-looking guys
who could easily get
the skinny girl, but if they see three girls
in a crowd, and one of them's 120 pounds,
one of them's 140 pounds,
and one of them's 200 pounds, they're like, 140 pounds and one of them's 200 pounds they're like oh hey there big mama oh yeah i oh i bet you've got to they probably feel
they probably feel uh you know better than than the uh the actual uh girl themselves you know
a big thick guy wanting to fuck a fat woman it's probably like oh i'm better than that woman she's
gonna fuck me and she's my slave she's gonna work for it that talcum powder works itself up into a slurry it's hot yeah
flick it over on the wall every time i get out get too much yeah it's like it's like a little
it's like it's like dough you roll it up you jizz all she's got talcum powder all over her thighs
to help with the friction of you know day-to-day life and you come on the talcum powder you scrape it all up make yourself a little talcum jizz biscuit cook that thing up till it's
golden brown and she eats it i use them like tiny little snowballs and throw them at the kids
what don't you trust no i like like i i feel i i wouldn't fuck a fat chick i now one time i i don't want to keep retelling
stories but but like you know it's okay i've met up i've met up with girls on facebook and shit
and an enormous chick showed up one time she had shown me she had sent me all these pictures of
herself from like those flattering fat people angles you know like hey i'm cute and it's just
like her face and cleavage and she just got titties. And then one of the pictures she sent is like her laying on the beach.
And it's like she looks down at her body and all you see is titties, just big titties.
I'm like, all right.
All right.
OK.
I'm looking out my hotel window.
I'm on the third floor.
And I'm like, I don't see you.
Where are you?
I'm thinking like there's a big fucking fat chick out there,
but that's not you.
She's like, well, I'm wearing a red dress.
I'm like, well, I see a giant fat person wearing a red dress.
What kind of shoes are you wearing?
Red shoes.
Fucking hell.
What color is your hair again?
It's brown.
Fuck.
I'd already told her what room I was in.
I'd already told her.
She's knocking on the door with a big fat fist.
I had to let her suck my dick.
I had to.
Did you at least give her some sex for her drive?
Absolutely not.
I didn't give her some sex for her drive.
She sucked my dick for her drive and that was generous.
Okay, that was me at my most benevolent.
That was me.
How did you allow her to suck your dick?
Like how did that conversation go?
You just let her in and you're just like you suck my dick she overpowered him
280 pounds of woman i had no choice in the matter
i i i i bench a quarter of her body weight it wasn't gonna work
uh no you know i was just like she hopped into bed and you know it's just
like let me suck your dick and uh and then she was like hey you want to
you know have sex or what you want to fuck you have a
condom and I was like
no I've got sorry I've got the
clap like
she's like
that's actually that's fine I mean
honestly if I was in that situation I probably would
like get to smoke a lot of weed and then fuck her.
That would have been, it would have been more polite for you to have sex with her, frankly,
Kyle. She did drive all that way. You'd have fucked a fat chick.
Well, I don't know the way you're describing it. So I can't put myself in there.
I'm not good at estimating women's body weight. I'm really not. So like, if I'm being honest,
if I got a million dollars for correctly guessing her weight within
30 pounds, I guess I would say she was 180. How tall is she? Maybe 200. No, not 6'7". That was
funny. So in a wing stream the other day, he was like, yeah, I like them BBWs, which stands for
big, beautiful women. Now, in my opinion, not that I'm into that, but a big beautiful woman
could be about 175 pounds, I guess, especially if she's a little taller. He's like, you know,
between 250 and 300 pounds, somewhere in there. Oh my God. Oh my God, a 300 pound woman is
not-
A 250 pound woman is half a wings though. I'm not arguing with your math.
I'm arguing with the-
Dude, but a 300 pound woman, once you get to a threshold of that high of a weight, it's
like you don't even have the normal body shape anymore.
So there's no ladies curves there.
It's just a potato with some sprouts for for legs and and you know for a pair
ill-shapen ass from lack of the worst the worst the worst possibility is if it's a giant fat girl
with no tits though right like if she doesn't even have giant fat titties if it's a flat chested
enormous person it's like how does this even happen how does this even occur you're a genetic
aberration yeah so i think uh my chat actually says 180 is actually not fat.
I'm trying to think of like a woman who's 180 pounds.
I don't think I've ever dated or fucked a woman over like 130.
So I really have no idea.
I'm guessing that Amy Schumer weighs about 180.
I've Googled 180 pound woman and I'm looking for some pictures of some 180 pound women using that.
All right, here you go. A woman who was accused of... Let me see exactly how much she weighed.
Oh, she lost 190 pounds. Okay, that's different.
That's not the same.
Oh, God, that loose skin. It looks like a leather handbag.
Oh, kiteweightchart.com. Here's 5'2", 180.
weightchart.com Here's 5'2",
180. Yeah, I mean, I guess
most women are 5'10", so 180
at like 5'6", would be kind of chubby.
Chubby, yeah.
It definitely sits on height.
What do you have here?
I just went to heightweightchart.com
and it's got...
This is a woman who's 5'2",
180, but she's wearing like a big, billowy,
intentionally obfuscating dress to hide the fact that she's overweight.
Yeah, that's...
Oh, that's not...
It's billowy at the bottom, but it's...
This girl is fatter than this.
If you scroll down, I'm trying to find one that's as fat as this girl.
No, I'm going to say she's about as fat as this girl that we're looking at right here.
And cuter as well.
This might be her.
She's pretty chubby for a woman, yeah.
Yeah, you know,
she wasn't gigantic or anything.
I'm not saying that. She was just fatter than I
was willing to fuck.
And she was certainly not what was
ordered. You know, it's like you ordered a pizza
and instead you received eight sticks of butter. You know, it's like you ordered a pizza and instead you received eight sticks of butter.
You know, you're like, I like butter, but that's not what I ordered.
You wanted one pizza and ten showed up.
In the purple top with the jeans on, 180?
Because she looks much thinner than...
Yeah, I doubt she's 180.
I don't know what...
If I'm reading it right, she's 179.
Oh, 179.
But right there in the weight, it says 179.
And then in parentheses, as of this morning,
I may have been a couple pounds less than the attached photos.
It's like, see, you can't even be honest on this forum for fat people.
Yeah, this girl was heavier than these girls.
Yeah, I feel like at 180 you know kyle
a gentleman a gentleman would have fucked her yeah probably so i like some of these 180 pound
chicks don't look that bad this girl must have been closer to 225 or 250 then because because
she just had a she was browned uh she was rotund she was rotundus she was large yes it was not it was not a good look
it's not like she drove across a state like i was in her town oh well then never mind yeah
honestly you should never feel bad for a girl driving to you to have sex she's clearly if a
girl's driving you to have sex she clearly wants wants it very badly. So she should never just you should never feel bad
Yeah, I always go for that
Yeah, I always want them to drive to me because I've gone to them before and it's gone awry, you know
Why do you get a hotel room? I'll just do it from your house
I was traveling at the time. I was in Jacksonville. I was in Jacksonville buying a boat and
And you know, I was in it. I was in a hotel a couple of mistakes that weekend
That's my favorite Kyle investment 10 fat chicks and make that boat did you lose more on the boat sale you know like the difference between the
purchase and the sell price or the maintenance. Dude, I don't like to do that math.
I honestly don't.
Like, I block it out of my mind like an early childhood molestation.
All right?
Like, those slip fees were like, so you pay to keep your boat in a slip, which is basically like a parking spot for a boat in the water.
And then you got to pay occasionally to get the barnacle scraped off and shit.
And I don't know. I definitely definitely lost 20 grand something like that it could be it could be more you know something like that and just just thrown away lost just just poof
lost yeah that's the worst right because if you like have a twenty thousand dollar expense
on something you didn't even want to buy like
let's pretend refrigerators cost that much yeah at least like your new fridge is kind of nicer
right like it's a little bit of an upgrade yeah on a boat that just was nothing but anxiety the
whole time it was a huge mistake and i'll quickly tell the story of how white boy fucked me over
with this thing he didn't do it intentionally i guess i I won't. I won't. You know, it wasn't that it wasn't an evil thing he did. But it was it was during when the housing bubble had popped and real estate was so fucking cheap in Florida that for 100, either for 50K or 100K, I don't remember. I think we were going to do 100K, do 50K each and buy a house we were like dude we can buy a beach house this thing is one block off
the beach in florida for a hundred thousand dollars give now we've got a vacation place you
know you you go wherever you want i'll go whenever you want we both go at the same time and like
vacation together and five years from now six years from now which would be like today that
should be worth a quarter million dollars and by the the way, it would have. And it just sounded like a great idea.
Wasn't there a taxes angle on it?
Yeah, I'm getting to that. And also there was the thing that like, Florida doesn't have income tax,
like state income tax. So if you claim that as your residence, now you don't have to pay state
income taxes, at least on the percentage of time you spend in Florida at that residence.
So you get your mailing address down there.
You technically live there 100% of the time, potentially.
It just depends on how you're going to swing things.
In any case, the night before we're all heading down there,
white boy backed out.
He's like, you know, I don't think I want to do this.
We had the money.
The money was not the thing.
He just, I want to to say his girlfriend talked him
out of it. Big mistake. We'd have both made 75 grand each easily from the real estate deal.
Instead, I was like, well, can't get a house for 50 grand. I could get a boat for 50 grand though.
And if a boat has a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom, and one other thing,
it's considered a residence in Florida.
So I bought a yacht.
And it was-
For $50,000?
I don't remember exactly what I spent.
Tens of thousands of dollars, something like maybe $30,000.
But you never made any residence, right?
The great thing about yachts is just houses,
they appreciate in value, right?
Yes, yes, boats appreciate in value.
Like fine art or real
estate or gold. Or cars.
I'm surprised you were actually able to find a house for 100K near the beach. That's really
odd. It must have been like a shack or something.
This is like 2008 when the real estate thing had just crashed and all, it was a steal.
We were gonna look at three or four houses and they were all like two bedroom beach houses that were like two thousand square
feet a block from the beach nice areas a hundred thousand dollars it was it was a steal it was like
well shit let's get down there bail maybe we like the first one we'll we'll buy a second one in a
few months or something like that but he he was talked out of it and i was talked
into a boat and uh and i really got the shit end of that stick that went from potentially a very
wise investment with white boy to you just making a foolish mistake that's like so it wasn't even
like you missed out on a good opportunity it was you actively lost money well you should i don't
think you should ever buy a house with somebody else. I feel like it's always a bad idea.
You should definitely just, you know, if you get a house,
have your name on it, and that's it.
You know, probably.
But, you know, I like White Boy.
You know, I would trust him with, you know, $50,000 worth of half
of my real estate or something like that.
We'd probably put in a trust, and we'd both be like co-owners of it
or something.
There'd be a way to work it out.
Because, you know, I can't envision a scenario where I would be unhappy.
If he ever wanted to sell, all right, let's sell.
If he ever didn't want to sell, all right, we won't sell.
It would have been fun.
That would be the most likely scenario.
That or the house needed some sort of upkeep and one of you thought investing in the house
was a good idea and one of you thought it wasn't.
Sure.
That could happen.
But it never came to be.
It never came to be.
So I wasted a whole bunch of money on a goddamn racing yacht that I went on once.
I sailed the SS YouTube money once.
Once.
I sailed it from the port where I bought it in up the St. John's River to the port where I, the slip where I stored it in.
And that was it.
Five hours of sailing.
I don't know, $40,000, something like that.
You should livestream yourself sailing on your boat.
I don't know how to sail.
He doesn't know how to livestream from a boat either.
I don't know how to do that either.
I don't know if you know how to do that. That'd the boat so none of those things are possible ice so when you were
on this show the first time i want to say that like your your you weren't peaking at that time
right p like the subreddit was fussing at you a ton dead stream yada yada yada and since then you've done great again why do you think that is
is it the pki effect did we did we make you a star i mean it must have been i mean i guess no
i mean i think it was uh i don't know man i guess it was uh just breaking up with my girlfriend i
mean i just uh i can't believe that was it they did did want that. I mean, maybe like indirectly.
I don't know.
I think like if when I have a girlfriend, it's like I don't really have time for my stream.
I kind of just spend all my time with her in my free time.
But now I spend all my free time just thinking about stuff to do for the stream.
So I suppose that's a main reason, I guess.
I just put more focus on my job more so than on my girlfriend.
You know, the right girlfriend could help the stream, right?
Even if she wasn't even part of it, if she just sort of set you up for success, like,
oh, you know, do you need like 19 toilets for this next stunt?
You know, I mean, I don't know.
Maybe.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, my girlfriend could definitely help me, you know, with like cooking food and shit.
But I mean, I feel like I would still have to spend a lot of time with her.
And that would take my time away from thinking of ideas.
You know what I mean?
So no girlfriend's going to want to date me if I'm sitting in my room thinking about shit.
You know, they're going to want to go out with me and stuff like that.
So I don't really have time to go out and hang out with them and shit i got the only time i have to do is figure out what i'm
gonna do for next week there is someone on earth who would partner with you on this endeavor though
you know it'd be like probably are we doing bobbing for apples and sour milk it would be
it would be a very unhealthy relationship and i would not want to deal with that
if i can't hang out with my girlfriend in my free time, you know what I mean?
Okay.
You know what I mean?
Most girls are going to want to do that.
They'd be like, oh, let's go out.
And I'd be like, no, I got shit to do.
And they're going to be like, oh, fuck you then or something.
Like, it's not going to be, like, healthy.
Okay.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
Like, you do live a very nontraditional lifestyle to where, like, you know, she might want to go to dinner
and you're like, no, I have to go harass homeless people. I don't know that you know she might want to go to dinner and you're like no i have to go harass homeless people i don't know let's go see a show no i gotta go pretend to have
ebola roll around the streets of you know wherever the hell you are well it's not necessarily about
that i mean you guys for example if you make a youtube video how much thinking do you uh do do
you put it do you involve yourself before you actually do the video in your free time hours
now my videos don't take any thinking
whatsoever hours days like i mean when you're when you're figuring out what gun to shoot kyle
what like how long did it take to figure that shit out and set it all up you know the the that's a
good question uh some of those videos it's like hey let's make a video and you know you just go
in the backyard and do a thing but some of those videos take weeks and weeks to plan for you like
like you know we did that thing with activision uh with the quad it's called quad rotor machine gun or something
like that the budget on that video was about five hundred thousand dollars you know there's a there's
a director and a camera crew there's uh hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of cameras there's
you know there's a girl with cue cards there's fire trucks there's ambulances there's an explosives
team there's a a team of guys and cherry pickers with machine guns there's a there's a special effects uh team there there's a craft house building stuff um
there there's like set design people there like eight guys running around making sets there's
there's food catered like shit like that took months to plan but some videos it's just like ah
all right this thing just came out i've got this uh this flamethrower let's uh
you know it'll take me two or three days to buy props uh maybe two or three hours to like write
you know the the the storyboard the video out and then you know a day to a day maybe two days to
shoot it so if it's like if you had a girlfriend now would it would you have would you be able to
come up with these ideas still oh yeah of course like i often like got my like throughout the years, I've always gotten my girlfriends involved with the videos and stuff.
I'd get them to help with ideas and stuff that they thought was interesting or funny because I don't want just my narrow mindset on what's interesting or cool.
I want to kind of pick her brain about what a normal person might find interesting in one of these videos.
Well, I really liked it when there was slow motion and there was pretty paint spraying everywhere all right i'll add that
in one of the videos let's put that segment in too that's actually uh that's an interesting
perspective actually i don't know when i had a girlfriend i just feel like or any of my
girlfriends they just they don't know what like they're just their advice fucking sucks
and they influence my mind which influences the stream you know if they're telling me something that is you know that they don't like i'm gonna start to believe that this is like the
norm and uh you know go with it like you know if my girlfriend is fucking triggered about something
i'm gonna go on stream and i'm gonna have to like be like i'm gonna think i should be triggered
about this certain thing when you know i probably shouldn't be because it's irrelevant so like i don't know i just feel like having a girlfriend it's just not a healthy thing
as a streamer so i just uh i feel like they influence me in a really negative way sometimes
and i just don't want to fucking deal with that yeah i know i could definitely see that because
what you do so like outrageous and kind of uh kind of pushing the edge right you know like like so
like if she's not ready for that ride
like if she's not if she's not down if she's not like no no what would really be fucking crazy is
if we pretended like i was pregnant and you punched me in the belly and like threw me down
the stairs let's do that let's pretend like i'm pregnant i'll come in with a pregnancy test you
do a whole fucking rage and then you fucking punch me in the belly and throw me down the stairs and
we'll cut the camera and then you will come back in 10 minutes and just be like just fucking with you like if you got a girl like that like
who's down to ride or whatever you know down to do some fucked up crazy silly shit like that's
one thing but if you got a girl who's like my mom got a phone call yesterday from someone called
mr comes a lot and and he told her that i was a whore you know if you got that going on then that's
that's not gonna fly kyle's right the only the only thing i'd add is there could also be a girl that just exists in the background
right she doesn't want to be on your stream or whatever but she's on team ice and just set you
up for success like that could exist too i feel like most girls aren't gonna want to most girls
i feel like that's harder than you think because you know my stream is very involved in my life so
you know they see a girl around they're going to find everything about her.
And then she's going to be forcibly put into the fucking stream.
And I just don't want to.
That's just unnecessary.
When you put yourself on social media, you put yourself in a position where people have an opinion on you.
And she would be getting that by proxy, which is almost unfair.
She didn't sign up for all those opinions, but she'd get them.
That's true.
I mean, I think the worst thing a girl could do in a relationship with like a fucking streamer is tweet shit, dude.
Fucking like if she's like pissed or something, she like tweets something and like, oh, my fucking day sucks or something.
Now I got to fucking listen to this shit while I'm live.
Like, I already don't give a fuck.
But now when I'm live, my fucking viewers are telling me this shit.
And I have to pretend to, like, I just can't give a fuck.
I just don't give a fuck.
You know what I mean?
It's just in my face nonstop.
So it's just so unhealthy, dude.
So was your ex not good for your stream because she was, like, trying to talk you out of shit?
Or was she just not good for it because she wouldn't play along or no i mean honestly dude it's like um for the
most part she wouldn't like try to talk me out of stuff but i mean you know she would get a you
know a little bit pissed off and i'm like talking to girls on stream or something and you know that's
a big no no that can't happen i'm gonna do what i want to do on stream and then also uh you know
she was very vocal you know she like tweets stuff and that's the last fucking thing i want a girl
to do you know what i mean i don't want a fucking girl to tweet her feelings on twitter dude i know
she has her own fucking social media she has her own thing i just i've learned from that i don't
want to date a girl who has social media because honestly are you talking about her tweeting shit
like about you like being upset with something you were doing like in some way?
It's something like that or they'll tweet something about their own life like already
I don't know I already don't care about any bullshit that they may be feeling or tweeting
But then when I have to listen to it on stream, I would do not want to like I'm trying to go on stream to have
Fun, I don't want to go on stream and listen to my girlfriend's fucking problems
You know what I mean that the chat tells me so that's that's a
big no no yeah like i don't know when like woody for example if your wife has any problems do you
care yes yeah i honestly do i don't know it sounds crazy to you uh yeah your car dealership inflatable
man but uh that just didn't fun but yeah no i i care
but i am thankful like as you describe this my wife doesn't have facebook instagram snapchat
or whatever these things just are uninteresting to her and that's i didn't realize how helpful
that was because it just means there's no avenue for any of my like social media stress to get to
her okay well that's a good thing then i
mean if your wife had a social media it would probably be a hell of a lot more annoying and
stressful wouldn't it yeah yeah all my problems would become her problems too and she doesn't
need that right let's keep her compartmentalized in a happy place i agree with that i mean i just
i don't know if i ever i mean if i wanted to date a girl in the in the future while I'm a streamer kind of advice could you give
me just because you guys a lot older and wiser older for sure yeah hell I don't
know if girls exist that don't have snapchat anymore is that even a thing
especially if you find them on every woman on the planet who has if you find a girl through
tinder she is gonna have snapchat and snapchat is just for them sending fat girl angles to each
other and sexting that's all that it is like it's all that snapchat is It's just for the exchange of dirty talk and sexting.
So do you guys think somebody like myself, a streamer,
just probably shouldn't date a woman because it would be more stressful?
I don't know how I would ever fucking date in my thing.
I would say just keep her away from your stream.
You have to live with the girl.
And let her know what's up early on, right?
Like, hey, I'm a streamer.
These are the ramifications that happens with that. hey the real me is awesome you'll like me
except i'm terrible at sex most girls have social medias and i feel like that's uh you know it's
impossible to find one without one and if she has a social media like it's already game over like
that's what if it helps you right like like chris rock did this routine and he's like dude don't put
your picture on Tinder.
His friend tells him this because people are just going to want to fuck you because you're Chris Rock.
And he's like, yeah, but I am Chris Rock.
So that works for me.
You are Ice Poseidon.
I'm just going to want to cozy up next to that hamster ball LA walk-in guy.
You'll get a win-win if you just have your relationship with her and don't bring her on
the stream because then she's happy she's not getting harassed or anything or involved in like
pranks that she's not comfortable with i think she'll still hear some uh some on her social
media and she's posting about me she'll definitely get some so but then your viewers will be happy
too because they won't be like oh this this chick's ruining ice's content again they'll be like oh we
still get him and he compartmentalizes her in the other part of his
life i feel like a lot of my viewers want me to fuck women so i feel like that would i don't know
i don't think i could have a girlfriend to be honest women that's true you get a prostitute
twice speaking of which earlier you're like oh man i've never had the opportunity for anal and
it's like you hire two prostitutes a week to come over and hang out with you you have more opportunities than
you know
anyone but actual porn stars
I don't want to fuck a prostitute I'm going to get fucking
trash like I'm going to get fucking
an STD or something you know what I mean
nah wear a condom Kyle knows all about this
I feel I've heard that if you wear
a condom the STD
can still get in because when you're
if you're the part of the condom the base of your dick will still in because when you're when you're if you're the the part of the
condom the base of your dick will still touch their vagina is the base of your dick bloody
is there a hole in the base of your dick no but the disease will travel in what disease are we
talking about because there's lots of stds but the main ones that you want all right that's not
getting in there first of all getting aids from a woman is super fucking yeah that's really out
there right like that ain't gonna happen right like and you're more likely you could get herpes
i guess if she's got a she's got an outbreak but i mean let's take some pills for that ain't no big
deal herpes i mean i guess i mean would you have sex with a girl who had aids if you work on them
can i tell a story no no no the better no, the better question is, the better question is, what girl would you have sex with if she had AIDS?
Because there are girls that I would have sex with even if they had AIDS, and I mean full-blown pause load AIDS, a virulent strain.
Oh man, I can't, there's not, no, I wouldn't fuck anyone if I knew they had AIDS.
You wouldn't even be able to enjoy it in the moment because you'd be like, oh my god, I've got my dick in a death box.
It would heighten the experience.
Oh, yeah, this could be death pussy.
It'd be like strangling yourself for your master.
Oh, David Carradine, I bet he loved fucking women with AIDS just for the risk.
I would fuck Emma Watson if she had AIDS.
I'd fuck – there's a whole fucking laundry list.
I got a story though so uh um i i launched with uh
hope last weekend and we go to her thing and there's a poster that she goes to unc there's
a poster of the unc basketball team and her thing and i'm like do you know any of these people like
do you bump into them in classes or whatever and she knew a couple and she's like this guy
is the nicest they had like freshman orientation together.
And they like both knew someone who knew someone in common.
And she's just like, he was really outgoing and kind.
You wouldn't think he was like a big-headed basketball player at all, anything like that.
And UNC basketball player on campus is full-blown celebrity.
Turns out that this guy got suspended from the team last month because he infected over 40 women knowingly with hiv and it's like no wonder he was so nice to you hope you were on his list oh oh
woody what would you do if a unc basketball player gave hope aids i don't even want to think about it
wait a minute i want an answer
while you think about what you would do with a unc basketball player gave your 18 year old
daughter aids let me do a quick let me just throw out there real quick before the ad that uh hope
has had the same boyfriend since they're like junior year in high school she doesn't have
no she was she was not she's not on the market but uh but yeah dude this guy was
being sweet to her and he's a serial posload sharer nice well with thousands of athletes
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Check them out. Yeah. I feel like if you have AIDS or an STD, that guy, he knowingly infected
40 people with the STD. What do you do? Because no one's going to have sex with you if you tell
them you have AIDS. So you have to lie so you can get sex.
That was his plan.
And it seemed like he knowingly – it's almost homicidal.
I know HIV isn't the death sentence that it used to be.
But, man, it's like one notch away from a serial killer, right?
See, what he's doing, though, is creating the Church of Jamal.
He now has 40 women out there who are down.
Jareek?
Something like that.
No, you've got four furious women with AIDS.
His name is literally a stereotypical black guy name.
His name is Jareek.
I'm looking it up.
Let me get this spelling.
He's got one of those made up fucking names.
OK.
He's created the Church of Jareekus,
and there are 40 ladies out there who are like, eh,
I got it already.
Might as well, right?
He might go pro.
He might go pro.
He could be the next Magic.
No.
So they're just willingly going to get AIDS?
They already have the AIDS.
He's already given them to them.
Oh, okay.
So now he's created a pool of pause women
that he can talk.
Those women are going to be furious,
not want to sleep with them,
or they'll sleep with them
and then take out a box cutter
except when I cut him.
J-A-L-E-K.
These women are furious. Their lives are ruined.
Something like that.
If you guys had an STD, what would you guys do?
Would you tell the people or would you not?
Yeah, yeah.
I always tell the ladies about all of my STDs.
It's court mandated.
I save time by
faxing them a list of STDs that I's court mandated. I save time by faxing them a list
of STDs that I've had and have had.
Yeah.
I probably wouldn't even bring it up because
how would...
It would hurt your chances of being late and it's all about you.
How would you even bring that up in conversation?
You're on your first date
and you're just like, hey, fucking...
I got fucking STD, by the way.
Just deal with it. No, I just won't even say it. I'll just wear a condom or whatever and hopefully they don't get infected. I don't know. It depends got fucking STD, by the way, just like, just deal with it. Like, no, I just won't even say it.
I'll just wear a condom or whatever and hopefully they don't get infected.
I don't know.
It depends on the STD, too.
Because if you got like chlamydia and you took pills and got rid of it or something,
then of course you don't bring it up because you're cured of that.
But if you got like syphilis or AIDS or something that's sticking around.
Syphilis with penicillin.
I've actually had gonorrhea.
What are the ones that you can't cure?
Hep C.
AIDS. Herpes, AIDS.
Herpes, AIDS.
So if you have one of those, then it's
going to have to come up eventually.
HPV.
You told me that you can get throat cancer from eating box
if she has HPV.
If she's got HPV and you eat that pussy,
you can get throat cancer from that, absolutely.
Well, that's why I don't eat pussy.
That's a scary thing. You must be a joy in bed for
all these ladies it's just like I feel like the dudes you do penis handshakes
with get a better treatment than your female lovers honestly there when I'm
fucking a woman I don't give two fucks about the getting them off as like the
only thing that matters is my nut
To be completely honest with you that on your book cover. I should be on the sleep
I mean now all about my nut and it's a picture of you like pondering amusingly looking off
It's a little bit different if they're my girlfriend
I give them a lot have a lot more respect for them and I will try to get them off a lot more often
But if this is like a one night stand, dude,
I'm just going to be like, yeah, I'll fuck you. Suck my dick
first. That was nothing in their mouth.
See, I'm the exact opposite because I feel like maybe this
lady goes and like, she
tells someone, she's like, yeah, it's terrible.
It's terrible. Like, he
didn't care about me at all. I know
I didn't have fun.
I didn't enjoy it.
I don't want them to be going
forth and telling people I was a bad lay.
I'm the opposite.
I could even see maybe getting lazy with a full-time girlfriend.
But if it's a one-night stand, if you're only going to fuck this chick twice,
you're just in this town for the night.
It's like, oh, better bring my A game tonight.
I'm the visiting team.
When I leave, I want my memory to live on.
That's Kyle's PR then from that day forward in Jacksonville. Someone will go, hey, look at this video on YouTube of this Russian guy shooting things.
And she'll go, oh, funny story. I had sex with that guy. And instead of saying he was a two-pump chump who just came and left quickly, she'll be spreading good things about you. Improving your rating
among Jacksonville whores.
Do you guys
sign waivers?
Yeah, I've had girls sign waivers.
Not a waiver, but an NDA
or something like that. Yeah, sure.
Not necessarily a
letter of consent or anything,
but I've certainly had girls sign
an NDA or something like that. I've never done any kind of paperwork before sex because i mean i don't
know you guys tell me because i i've talked to a lot of other influencers and they say that
they make a woman sign these they have like these little electronic waivers they make them sign
so they can't claim rape afterward now i mean i think that's a little bit fucking weird i'll
never make a girl sign a waiver that's just fucking odd to me but i don't know what do you guys think about all that
i feel like if you ask a woman to sign a note not raping document or it's only all kind of like
it depends on how well hypothetical single woody can get laid right i want this done i feel like if it's hurting my chances then i might
skip it and roll the dice but if i'm like i don't know what some you did logan paul maybe gets all
the pussy he can handle then make him sign because it protects me and i can get laid regardless of
this obstacle i just feel like that's it's just like a turnoff dude it's like hey before we
fuck you gotta sign this saying we fucked.
Like most girls would be turned off by that.
Oh, I agree.
They'd probably not want to sign that.
But- but Cain-
Ryan, I'm okay with the no rape, but the absolutely no foreplay clause?
Is there any wiggle room on that?
Is sex lasting longer than seven minutes?
No.
Yeah, no, like, I feel like the only people who really would try to get a woman to sign an I'm not going to rape you document are either super famous, like athletes and shit, or a rapist, right?
I mean, maybe.
Who's like, aha, now I'm home free.
I mean, I guess if you make a girl sign the waiver, then you actually could technically rape her.
I mean, yeah, you could. But then an app like that wouldn't even work.
Because how would it possibly work? Cuz you can decide not that you don't wanna have more sex
at any time. And she could just be like, yeah, after I signed it, he got really scary. And I
didn't feel comfortable saying no. And it'd be like, let's rape.
That's why you have your notary public and your witness there, right? It's's just like buying a home how many people do i have to have in my bedroom before we
even have sex this seems like these jobs are going to be lost to automation as soon as the
closed circuit camera system comes in honestly do you got that's why you live stream it yeah
do you think you could make somebody sign a waiver of like being your slave or like just signing
their entire fucking life away to you.
So you can't sign a contract.
Mexican Andy, you still in the chat?
So you can't sign a contract that has the details of which are illegal.
So that's why perpetuity contracts don't work because perpetuity contracts are illegal in many, many states, right?
What is that?
It's a contract with no end date, no way out.
It's like, all right, you work for me forever, $4 or $5 an hour.
And early on, a lot of MCMs on YouTube signed people to perpetuity
contracts. Like, all right, you work for us, you get a $2 CPM, and it expires
never. Of course, when it came time
for them to lower the CPMs, they're like, ah, time for a new contract.
Well, I guess those people
are just bad at negotiating i make sure uh my contracts are no longer than a year yeah well
see back then nobody knew and a lot of the people signing those contracts were children they were
like 15 or 16 year olds and they were like hey mom sign this thing so i can play games on the
internet they're like fucking all right you know yeah half of their directors like had to have
their moms or dads sign it too
because they were literal children yeah absolutely let me do another quick ad read tell everybody
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Dude, where do you get ads like that?
From MVMT.
Shit, dude.
Motherfucking S.
That's fucking interesting.
Ah, now he does want to diversify his income.
I mean, hey, shit.
I mean, fuck.
I mean, they're probably paying a good penny there to read it without the ad block.
Yeah, two hours ago.
You know, I don't need to diversify my income.
Well, I mean, shit.
I've been in some crypto and shit.
Like, I've diversified a little bit, but I'm not going to go and, you know, do retarded-ass shit like sell my footage or whatever.
That's just too much work.
You have some interesting expenses, though.
I can just imagine the accountant at the end of the year like, so you bought an enormous hamster ball here.
That's a write-off?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I had Ebola.
All right. Hamster ball. And there'd be a lot of odd write-offs i write off i write off actually literally every little everything because i stream
you know my shit so like everything when i'll sign so i write off every single thing that i buy
fair enough fair enough and it actually works out that's probably legal
time will tell
i actually lowered my taxes from like 40k to like 23k this is a lot of people watching
we probably shouldn't talk about the irs right now in any case uh you know yeah
i paid my taxes it's good. You gotta pay your taxes.
They will ruin your life.
Can you blow your nose right into the mic?
Could you do that?
Oh, sorry.
No, no, no, no.
That's what we're here for.
That's why we wanted you here.
I didn't know the mic was that close.
What's around the corner?
Is there anything you can talk about?
Last time you were on the show, you talked about you're planning like the party and of course the party kind of happened
and it was a fucking i won't say it was a disaster because i feel like when things go bad that's when
you're at your best like oh no yeah the party uh got shut down three hours in but i mean it got
tons of exposure tons of articles are in it was um plenty of everybody knew about it got a lot of
viewers um i mean obviously you know there
was some bad articles saying that there was somebody got raped there but that's just fake
news and they deleted those articles and yeah she signed the form well i mean just nobody got
you know drugged or whatever they were fucking retarded but around the corner so essentially as
soon as i get my first payment from a sponsor i'm gonna spend that money uh on doing something a
bachelor like a fucking my version of like the bachelor so i'm gonna spend that money uh on doing something a bachelor like a fucking my
version of like the bachelor so i'm gonna get like five or ten girls in a fucking big ass airbnb for
a week and i'm gonna try and rent it and my community is gonna eliminate them one by one
and i'm gonna fucking you know i'm gonna try and fuck them all and i'm gonna see like and then the
winner goes to hawaii with me for a couple days or whatever. Not your stereotypical genius, but definitely a genius.
Yeah, it's a good idea.
I mean, I don't know.
It's just very expensive.
Weaponized autism.
It's laser focused on being
the most degenerate motherfucker on the internet.
And I fucking love it.
I'll watch every bit of that.
If you do a Bachelor style show
and I'll watch every bit of that, that would be fucking hilarious.
You've got a good mind for this sort of thing.
I remember hanging out with Dan Bilzerian, and he was talking about how he makes money and how he turns everything into not just money but some pussy too, right?
He's like, all right.
So I had this idea.
I was like, I want to fuck a bunch of chicks, right?
So I start this thing on thing on Instagram this contest right?
Who's the hottest swimsuit model now?
I got tens of thousands of women sending me pictures of themselves in their swimsuits
So I just picked the hottest 12 of them fly them all down to Cabo hire a bunch of photographers
And I shoot a calendar right hell we sell so many fucking calendars it pays for the trip
And I make an extra tens of thousands of dollars
and i fucked all the chicks god damn you're a genius dan this is what i'm talking about this is
this is the future right here i feel like you're a little slice of that you're you're getting there
you're getting there to that that kind of that kind of idea and hey that might be a little idea
for you when you get these do a dozen chicks make a fucking calendar out of them you know do like a
like a a partially nude calendar all you all you need is like a photographer to take some like a
half-ass nude picture of each girl slapping on a calendar they're cheap as shit sell them to your
fans that's actually a good idea because i expected to not make any money from this i expected to lose
money from this because you know getting an airbnb and all this paying these women is gonna be
fucking expensive uh so that's actually a good idea. So I can make my money back on that sponsored money.
So that's a good point, actually.
I'm going to have to think about that.
You make a little money and your fans get a calendar with, I don't know,
maybe some ass and titties showing of all these ladies.
And the real genius would be, what if you find the one?
What if one of these chicks, you end up dating her full time
and now forevermore your fans are like, Oh, look june i said beside your girlfriend over here look at your
titties i i don't i wouldn't think i would ever date them so these girls that i've got
ready for the bachelor they're all pretty much from craigslist so they're kind of ratchet and
kind of just like you know they're not really i mean what's the age range for these gals just to uh they are
anywhere from 22 to 45 45 so they're gonna show up and you know there's zero percent chance they're
getting picked well so here's the thing i know my decision doesn't really matter that much
uh my community is going to be the one who is eliminating the
people so in my 45 year old has a solid chance of winning i think the 45 year old fat black woman
is probably gonna win because my community wants to fuck with me so i mean i don't know i guess
we'll see how shit goes i mean i don't fucking know but i really hope not because i don't want
to be fucking her in hawaii for three days so we'll see though wait so you're letting all the viewers decide which one of these ratchet ass craigslist diseased holes
you have to fuck for three days on a vacation yeah that's so great and they are definitely
there's no way they're gonna pick a hot one for you no no i mean maybe shit i don't know i'll
probably fuck her in the house before we go to haw. You really want to, like, have some fun with this?
One of them should be a trans woman.
One of them should have a dick.
Yeah, dude, fucking, maybe. I mean, shit.
Fuck it, dude. I mean, as long as she doesn't have a dick
and she got the surgery.
No, no, she has a dick.
No, no, that's, I don't think you know what trans woman is.
Well, there's pre-op and post-op.
We're talking pre-op trans woman.
No, I don't want to.
No, I don't want to be
kissing on some dude and motherfucking having a dick in my ass no fuck that again again yeah yeah
i mean i mean it's never happened before but i mean you know motherfucker we'll see i've fingered
my ass but never a dick but uh why do you think the whole bachelor thing is like some degenerate
show degenerate fest you think it's going to be like some crate like some some shit i think it's like did you ever like flavor flay like the rapper he used to do this thing on vh1 i think
called flavor of love and it was kind of what you're talking about they were all like ghetto
ass hoes they were all like they would get violent there's one where like the girl spits in the other
one's face like like they would they would get competitive with one another they have like cat
fights and shit and lots of drama and the the drama between the girls was probably better than the weird situation between the girls and Flavor Flav.
So, like, you could have some fucking fun with this, man.
I'll definitely tune in for that.
I'll tune in for that.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to make them fight.
I'm going to make them, like, wrestle and shit and fight and just, like, do, like, go on little speed dates with me and just do fucked up shit.
Who can, you know deep
throw to dildo the hardest like it's gonna be good some good shit ah you should just you should
steal some of howard stern's like uh stripper and porn star olympics ideas he had uh girls put
strap-ons on like huge fucking strap-on cocks and they would throw like uh uh like balls at them and
they try to play baseball hitting them they would deep throat kill bosses see how far they could deep throat the big kill boss is like a giant sausage uh you could do the
anal ring toss that'd have to be blurred but anal ring toss is a game you can actually buy you don't
have to make it but you know it comes with a bunch of rings and there's a pole and the pole has a
butt plug on the end and you stick that in the girl's ass and then she's sort of like face down
ass ups and you you toss the rings at it for points right that could be one of your games
i i'm looking forward to this man this is going to be entertaining i mean what um i'll watch you
said uh you you said you wanted to live stream yourself as well and have you further gone into
any detail with that so last time i was on the show you said you wanted to fucking do some shit
with live streaming this year i have to wait till all my legal shit is
done before i can really do like irl live streams because i've got that drug charge against me that
still hasn't worked out but whenever that works out what drug charge uh there's a there's a
possession charge against me right now that i'm that still hasn't worked its way out i really
can't talk about it public and Can you say what the charge is?
Possession.
What kind of drug was that?
Marijuana.
What the fuck, dude? What do you mean?
I know. I don't live in California.
I'm waiting on that to work
its way out because there's no way I could do an
IRL streaming thing.
I would want to do something...
I'm not looking to do what you do
exactly but my own version of silly shit in real life and the first time the cops would would come
it would just be it would really further complicate not only that shit but that shit would complicate
what was happening there but I'm gonna do some gaming streaming fairly soon I'm really I'm doing
tech work on that now I'm figuring out exactly how that's gonna work you don't have you're not
you're not gonna get you're not necessarily going to get swatted or anything.
I think for the most part you'll be fine if you live stream.
I could, but if I do anything kind of edgy where I'm in public and the police get called, then that just really further complicates it because I'm out on bond.
So if I were to violate my bond in any way, I'd have to go back in jail.
And I don't want to do that.
So I don't want to complicate that bullshit at all.
So as soon as that's over, then I can do – because I don't want to do like a pussy live show.
I would do some fucked up shit.
Again, not exactly – Well, I've been for a long time.
The idea has been me and Taylor going vegas and getting some prostitutes and and doing
the the whole thing where we put uh you know the racist thing where you put fried chicken on the
black lady and eat it off of her you put sushi on a japanese lady eat it off of her and we like race
like have an eating contest and it's sort of the fastest to get the girl naked but you have to eat
all the chicken or sushi so it's gonna be classic tux it's going to be classy. Tuxedos, yeah.
Dressed to the rafters.
They'll be wearing fried chicken.
I don't want to eat anything that warm off of someone.
Because that lady's going to start
to get sweaty quickly.
She's going to have a cup of blue cheese right where her
pussy is that you've got to dip each wing in.
I mean, okay, I'll try it yeah sure you know some stupid shit
i think very quickly we're gonna find out the reason that the only food you eat off of naked
ladies is sushi right because it's already cold maybe i don't know but the white girl has to have
like crackers and cheese on her or something like that yeah or like some like gross kind of like
polish sausage or something like sauerkraut a nice bush of sauerkraut
Do you think you could find prostitutes that let you record?
Yeah, absolutely
Like if you had that even illegal then you're just filming porn, right? Yeah, they don't I mean they don't let me
Record I just don't tell them I'm recording. That's why I want to go to Vegas
See prostitution is legal. What are they gonna do sue me? They're fucking prostitutes record. I just don't tell them I'm recording. That's why I want to go to Vegas. That's illegal.
What are they going to do?
Sue me? They're fucking prostitutes.
That's a really good fucking point.
I will countersue them for being a prostitute because that's illegal as well.
I was filmed without consent while having sex
with this man. Countersuit, you are a whore.
Countersuit, you had sex with me.
Case dismissed.
What if the white girl had Starbucks on her?
Prostitution is legal.
And this would be prostitution.
We're not necessarily going to fuck the girls that we eat the food off of.
I'm not saying we wouldn't fuck some prostitutes because we've also discussed that trip.
Just sort of letting the fans pick the prostitutes we fuck i kind of think that would
be funny um you know there's actually you're actually gonna fuck these prostitutes some of
them maybe not the same once we eat the food off of because those are comedy prostitutes if that
makes sense like like those are there to be silly like because i feel like it needs to be maybe
really fat that way you have more surface area to put food on.
Because I can eat a lot of hot wings.
I need a big lady to cover in hot wings.
That's true.
That's a lot of hot wings.
I feel like if I covered even a small person with hot wings,
that'd be a lot of hot wings.
Well, Kyle and I are both going to be there.
So we'll both eat a lot of wings.
We don't share the woman, though.
We each get our own, right?
So we're going to be walking around like three different tables each? No, no, no, no, no. Ah, we don't share the woman, though. We each get our own, right? So we're gonna be like, walking around, like,
three different tables each? No, no, no, no, no.
No, no. Each of us is assigned a woman,
and she is our,
uh, she is what we have to
conquer, if you will, to win whatever
the prize is. Maybe the prize is fucking
an actual hot chick,
but, like, whoever can, like, most
quickly eat all the food off of our woman
wins the thing.
All this time I thought it was a buffet.
No, that would be silly.
Or maybe there's a thing where as the stream donates.
Your idea is not silly at all.
Maybe every dollar or every $5, depending on how crazy it gets, that gets donated.
You eat another thing off until the ladies are completely naked, right?
You'd have to do that one on Chatter Bay.
How are you going to stretch this out for many hours of
a live stream um I don't think it could last many hours not that part that I
like doing segments right like I would do many things in a row back-to-back
once you've hired four fucking sex workers I think like if they're down if
they're not being filmed secretly then you're like all right look now it's
gonna be a little rough she's like mother fuck i got shat on last night well good point good point all right
we're gonna be eating hot wings off of you and then we're gonna do some anal ring toss
and then you're getting a big tub of pudding and you're fighting that dude and you know that dude
is chis of course our manager over there chis would you wrestle a chick and and pudding could
you type in the chat would you he's not coming on the trip if he won't.
Absolutely, he says.
Will you wear ladies' undergarments while you do it,
like a swimsuit, like top and bottom?
I don't even think anyone wants to see that.
Absolutely, he says.
See? Done deal.
All righty, all righty.
So that's segment two, right?
Pudding wrestling.
You have to conquer our boy Chiz, who's like 6'3", several hundred pounds.
I don't know where he is right now.
He better lose some weight.
Several hundred pounds, just somewhere.
He better lose some weight or else risk one of those Woody's Gamertag tirades against him.
God damn, that cuts to the bone, son.
That hurt my feelings.
Is there like a dwarf hiring service?
Oh, God, yes, there is.
Of course there is.
Now, would you like to do dwarf tossing, or do you want to get sexy dwarves?
I mean, dwarf tossing gets you a little overdone.
How do you toss a dwarf?
All right, so here's how you toss a dwarf.
Oh, it's exactly what it sounds like.
You know how it's Velcro, right?
The dwarf is wearing a suit that is one side of velcro and
then you have like a bullseye that's the other side of velcro and then you on the back of the
suit you've got handles like good grippy like handles and you do like a spin move like you're
like you're throwing a shot put like you know you get you get a good wind up and you you hurl
the little person and try to velcro them onto the bullseye.
Or you can throw them off a roof into a pool.
Whatever.
I found a dwarf hire site.
Fuck yes.
Halfway there.
Dwarves are actually expensive as fuck.
I've tried to hire one before.
They want like $1,000 an hour because they're rare.
That's true.
That is true.
When's the last time you saw a dwarf in the wild?
Like out in the world?
It's been a while.
I don't know.
I don't think I've ever seen a dwarf.
I've seen one.
I've seen one ever.
They have to be the most rare of deformed genetic abnormalities, right?
I have seen one midget in my entire life.
I know that's like the N-word for little people, but they're so fucking rare
none of them are listening right now the one midget out there that's listening type in the chat and
We'll start calling you a little person until then midget the chat is gonna fill
I've saw one fucking midget ever I was in orlando florida and i was i was like
my buddy like look fucking midget it's a fucking midget he's like oh god damn why are you so angry
because i've never seen one before it's a little guy look at him he's like walking along
it was great actually the rings it was like a hobbit in real life
walk looks so like every step looks
uncomfortable and pains you know because like their legs aren't bending right so they kind of
like weeble wobble a little bit like it'd be a man that would suck oh this is the most all right so
maybe tossing midgets is a little what's the word i'm looking for taylor cliche
no like like like uh trash demeaning inappropriate thank you woody woody with the vocab What's the word I'm looking for, Taylor? Cliche. No, like... Trashy. Demeaning.
Inappropriate.
Thank you, Woody.
Woody with the vocab.
It's a little demeaning for the little person.
And then I clicked this link that says little yet large and looked at the cover photo.
Could we show that?
Forget... Now all bets are off.
I'll do anything I want to these people.
Because look what...
This is their website
Okay, they're dressed as fucking Oompa Loompas, and I gotta say that one on the left has quite a substantial bulge
He does all they according to Game of Thrones. They have full-size cocks
According to science we did some research on this they have normal person sized cocks on a little body according to this picture
That doesn't make any sense there Their dick would be half the size
of their body. It would if this were
some, if they were like dwarves from Lord of the Rings
or something, but they're just
miniature people and they have normal-sized
human penises. So like,
a two-foot-tall guy might have a six-inch
cock, which would be gargantuan.
That would be like me having a
like a foot-and-a-half cock.
To me, they looked about normal size from chest to cock.
That's part of them.
Would you guys ever want to get a dwarf and then just keep them with you at all times?
How could that possibly be useful?
What would they do for you?
It's not about being useful.
It's like how good-looking girls have one ugly girl in the group, right?
Like, automatically.
Like, if you're, like, 5'8 guy, 5'9 guy, you throw a midget in the posse, you're looking fine now.
You're head and shoulders above the little guy, right?
No, I don't want to make him my friend.
I just, like, around the house or something, like, mopping shit. A service midget. you're head and shoulders above the little guy right no i don't want to make my friend i just
i have like around the house or something like mop and a service midget yeah can you imagine
how frustrating it would be to watch a midget try and clean your countertops and like
the brooms you know twice the size they are like they would do everything badly
like i feel like you would only enjoy the midget for the first 20 minutes and then you realize like
it's taking me twice as long to walk
everywhere I have to wait for this person it would be like comic relief
more so than them doing actual work yeah it would be funny like you have like an
actual maid following them as well to clean up after them but like they're
just fucking going around like doing there the best of they can it'd be a
female dress is a French maid right dressed as a French maid, right?
Like a sexy French maid working around the house.
It's way better than a service monkey.
Tell me more about the outfit.
I guess it'd just be the front of an outfit, really.
Some sort of modified Halloween costume, sexy French maid.
Now, not to be inappropriate here.
Oh, I wouldn't want to.
We talked about the male midgets having
proportional cock, unproportional cocks, as in their normal size. Are the little girls...
I don't like that term. The dwarf ladies.
I'm liking it. There are no dwarf women.
Some say we just sprout out of the ground, which is of course ridiculous. No, do they have like tiny pussies?
Like, do the midget girls have like tiny, tiny pussies?
I mean, based on the porn I read as a teenager,
they, like everyone's sort of the same size
from shoulder to cock, that they all fit.
What about from pussy to asshole?
That's the area that I'm focused on.
Really? No, I think the truth,
like the honest truth is, when you're laying on top of a midget you kind of fit you can kiss you can fuck you
can do all the things you do with a normal i don't think you're following me no no way like i think
what kyle's saying is is the physical vagina a normal size oh yeah and what i'm saying is not
only is that a normal size it goes all the way to like her head they just have really stubby arms and legs yeah they do have a mostly normal size torso right that's what i'm trying to some of them
don't come on some of them are like like this level dwarf is like totally different than uh
game of thrones uh whatever his name is level dwarf dinklage i don't know if i'd want to have
sex with a midget that's just even if the pussy's
not small i mean just you could you could hold it's like a toy you can like hold this thing and
and like like fuck it like a doll have you ever thought a legless woman would be like a neat
thing to spin around your cock if you could somehow am i can't be the only one who thought
of that yeah yeah i would prefer she didn't have any arms either like like then she's just she
you know just leave her there what's she gonna do she needs the arms she'll never leave she can pull
them in like an ice skater and gain speed she's like she's like rolled end over end halfway down
the hall get your ass back i mean i wouldn't get head from from her though fuck it dude yeah i want
my woman to have no legs no arms and shit. Just a worm that you spin on your penis
That be that would be awesome. Do that but that she'd be like a little toy as well. It'd be great
You know, I think your stream would like that woman. I think they'd finally like your girlfriend
I've almost had a woman like that my one max girlfriend. She has a
Something wrong with her leg. So she's getting surgery right now. So it almost became reality.
Who did we lose?
Kyle.
He dropped his hands back.
See, I was thinking the best way,
because you know that the person that your stream is going to choose
is going to be whoever the most grotesque person is that gets hired.
Like, you know that.
And so you have to, like, give them more options.
So if there's a big, fat, obese woman,
and a midget gal,
and a trans woman,
like, there's gonna actually be a schism, you know?
There's more fucked up shit to vote for then.
It's hard to find these, like, women that are, like,
that are, like, ridiculous like that. They're not hard to find these like women that are like that like that are like ridiculous like
that they're not easy but the fine it's more normal it's more easy to find like a normal
woman than it is to find these these weird uh you know medically conditioned girls yeah i believe
you i know it's not going to be an easy hunt like even harder than that is probably going to be
finding a dwarf that's down for this. They want a lot of fucking money.
Especially if they live in a house.
Some of these dwarf postings on this website are ridiculous.
Like, there's some other bits.
Like, a bouncer security doorman says a very popular
act where our ditties, our ditty guys
are doormen. And they're just
little fellas dressed in a suit.
It says,
for Christmas elves,
book early to avoid disappointment.
This is so fucking demeaning.
Scary costumes. There's
one of them dressed as the jigsaw guy.
I mean, honestly, they're actors,
so it's not really demeaning. It's their job.
If I was a dwarf, I'd get paid
$1,000 an hour to be a little fucking
whatever dude. A little elf or something. There's no get paid $1,000 an hour to be a little fucking dwarf. Like, a little fucking whatever, dude. A little alpha some.
A lot of dwarves are actors.
Oh, there's no way they're making a grand an hour.
You know how if you're seven foot, there's something like a 17% chance you're in the NBA right now?
Like, I heard that stat just recently.
It must be true.
I feel like if you're a little person, there's like a 50% chance you work as an actor.
Like, tons of them.
Yeah.
little person there's like a 50 chance you work as an actor like tons of them yeah i mean because i mean for the most part if you're you know three feet tall what what are you gonna do like what
is your job position you know you can't really work at mcdonald's you can't you're not high
enough for the cashier or the cash register you can't really be a server like a server because
your legs are stubby and you walk slow like what could you really do yeah you could do anything physical you could probably do some kind of office job maybe right like but even that like you'd look
silly in your little chair like and you'd probably hard to type with those little hands
i don't i don't think anyone would take them seriously i don't know like i wouldn't like if
i walked into a an attorney's office and I saw my lawyer was like three feet tall.
I mean, he may be a great lawyer, but I don't know if I'd be able to take him too seriously.
Oh, of course. And then like as you're walking into court with him and he's the guy on your side, you absolutely know that the bailiff and the judge and the lady who is typing everything.
Like even if they're putting on a straight face, that judge is sitting there thinking, there's a midget in here right now.
There's a dwarf in here. That's novel.
Maybe I'm not paying 100% attention to what he's saying
because I'm a human and I notice things like this.
Yeah.
I guess maybe they are relegated to the world of dressing up
like elves and oompa-loompas.
I mean, that's...
But there aren't that many of them.
Or get a show on TLC.
Like, you know how Woody said that stat about basketball? If you're a midget, there's a 7% chance Or get a show on TLC. You know how Woody said that stat about basketball?
If you're a midget, there's a 7% chance you have a show on TLC.
Honestly, at this point, I wish I was a midget.
Oh, no, you don't.
It might be fun for like half an hour.
Well, I mean, you could just be like fucking, you know, get like a free TV show.
Like, why not?
I don't know, dude.
Yeah.
Maybe. Oh, I want to hire
one. This one will dress up in a
little Robin, like Batman and Robin
outfit. This guy
dresses like he's a...
Oh, well, that's just another
Oompa Loompa. They're really ham-handed with the
Oompa Loompa stuff. I think they
probably make the most money out of that.
How much money
would it cost to pay you
uh to pay one of you guys to get both of your arms amputated would you do that for any amount
of money no no amount of money i need my arms for for life i feel like i'd have to hang on like i
might do it at 75 right if i'm about to kick the bucket anyway and it's just like a kind act i could do for my kids and grandkids but no i've got even i have too many years left to go through armless
what about one arm no no i no no bodily amputations like unless we're starting with
like toes or something and even then i wouldn't want to like go through because apparently losing
toes like it's harder to walk, because
your balance is wonky and you're not able to
jump.
Not like I jump very much. I guess I could afford to lose a toe.
But,
yeah, both arms,
absolutely not. No, think of how
terrible that life would be. Couldn't wipe your own ass.
I mean, for a billion dollars,
you can get someone else to wipe your ass.
They get a prosthetic you know they give you your big satchel of money you wouldn't even be able to do anything with it they have these uh prosthetics now that you can control with your brain
really so it's like you put the fucking thing in your nerves and then you fucking you just
think with your mind and then it just moves the arm dude
see i feel like we're years and years before that kind of technology is going to be really
really dope and tenable yeah and you're gonna be full on darth vader right yeah you're getting the
first look like the way plasma screen tvs were in like 2002 like it's not all there yet and it's
gonna be really expensive you're gonna rip your own dick off trying to masturbate you'll be crushing apples when you're trying to eat or
like not able to pick things up because it's like a claw i don't know i how much would it take for
you because clearly you've thought about this to get both of your arms taken off how much money
uh i would do it for like 50 mil 50 million and yeah both your arms off yeah i could just like i could live with 50 million
dollars the rest of my life and i'll just get prosthetics yeah but like that's very quality
of life issue your whole arm yeah yeah i mean i don't really where are they gonna attach the
prosthetic to because usually it's like someone who only has this part missing and they plug in
the other thing right i mean i guess my shoulder i don't know i mean if i have prosthetics i can pretty much do anything but not as much as you
could do with arms i mean 50 mil though i don't need to do anything i'll pay somebody to do shit
for me that's not enough money dude you should hold out for more than 50 mil i mean i don't know dog i mean i think
maybe 100 mil i don't know i think it would be i don't think it'd be that bad but maybe like my
leg or something i don't even need to walk i'm just i'm lazy as fuck anyways i'll get both my
legs cut off for 50 mil you use your legs all the time you just used them i saw it you would really
miss them i mean i guess i just uh if i sit down in a chair. I don't really need my arms.
I mean, honestly, dude, that's a lot of money.
So I definitely think about it.
50 mil?
How much would someone have to give you to... Well, the two arms thing is ridiculous.
How about just losing a foot?
One foot, amputated. How much money does that cost?
I use my feet constantly.
I'd almost rather lose a hand.
I don't know.
I'll do that for like two mil the thing about
feet is they're not so dexterous so i feel like a prosthetic can be less of a hindrance right
you know like yeah i i saw a woman recently she got she had a disease where somehow from like the
knee down one of her legs didn't grow properly and if you saw it you'd be like whoa
like that looks terrible it it wasn't straight it was like she had a baby's leg underneath her knee
so she couldn't walk well and everything was a mess anyway she got it amputated and now she has
like a really pimp looking high-tech prosthetic it looks like the prosthetic a wealthy person would
have it looks like a prosthetic a wealthy person would have. It looks like a prosthetic a wealthy person would have.
And she likes it so much more than her worthless, like, bio leg.
So I'm taking that, and I'm like, yeah, I think I'd cut off a foot for the right amount of money. For the kind of money that would make my kids wealthy.
You have a runny nose, huh, Ice?
Got an issue with the boogers?
Yeah, I mean, I'm still a little bit sick so i have
my nose a little bit it's kind of runny right now so i caught that that's all right do you guys have
back acne no no every once in a while i'll get like a single pimple you know out of accutane
when i was in like eighth grade and ever since then like i get a pimple like once every other
year it's great my liver's probably fucked from it but is that how it works though or is it that you're just not prone to acne
yeah it totally decimated mine so if you have back acne I never had back acne but
it should get rid of that why do you have bad back acne ice oh yeah it's all over my back i have scars and shit it's bleeding your back acne bleeds it's so bad yeah like are you scratching it or just from the wear and tear
of sitting in a chair like you're tearing them off uh yeah i just scratch it it bleeds i'll
take off my shirt i'll have like blood like fucking streaks across my back do uh I mean you do anything to get that under control
just and letting it fester no I'm got a shower sometimes so I mean I'll fucking
deal with it you want to see it sure yes oh wait wait wait wait I need to fix the
camera for this please just I'll prioritize it Oh Kyle dropped again no
no he's here oh he changed sorry I but yeah, it'll take me probably 60 seconds to fix the camera
So while he's getting the camera fixed, I know you're on the every other day
Toothbrush strategy. How many times are you showering like a week? I
Mean whenever I started smell like shit
Probably I mean add two three times a week, probably.
Maybe. Something like that.
Man.
Do you smell awful?
Oh, God.
No, I actually...
I mean, I smell fine. So what I do is
I put a bunch of deodorant on, so I smell good.
Can we see the back knee now?
I finished the tech thing.
Yeah, of course. Look at this.
Kyle came in at a good time.
Yeah, I'm glad I didn't miss this man. If you want to get really get closer,
I can tell you exactly how you got to back up a little bit. That is a skincare addiction.
Oh, wow. Yeah. I think you were strung by bees or something, right? And you're trying to play it off.
No, that's my acne on my back.
Yeah, you can get rid of that.
You can get rid of that in like three months.
Like, they can be completely gone and cleared up.
I used to have like not that bad, but I had acne on my back.
You got to bathe every day.
That's the hardest part.
But you've really got to exfoliate.
You need like a loofah-type scrubber, not like one of those poofy balls that girls use.
I use one that's like a really long rectangle with handles on each end.
So you like put it behind your back and like do one of those.
Yeah, that's bullshit.
No, that's bullshit.
That just stores bacteria.
Wait, how long are you supposed to use something like this?
Never.
Never.
Never use that unless you have a vagina.
Why is it only for women?
Because that's a pussy scrubber. That's not for working on your back.
You need a...
And it's just going to keep all the bacne germs in there, right?
Yeah, that thing just stores evil.
How long do you use the loofah for before you switch it out?
I clean it.
Every time I use it, I rinse it out.
And what?
Oh, God.
I thought it was me.
No, he dropped again.
I was adjusting ice a few pixels over when he froze.
And I'm like, no, what did I do?
I thought it was all me.
I'm sure we'll get his skin advice well I mean like first off dude like do you like not really care or are you trying to get rid of it I mean I don't
really care I don't know I've been using that loofah thing for like fucking two
years now same one yeah well that can't be good man the same loofah for two
years well I guess it hasn't gotten that much
used if you're only in the shower twice a week i mean it smells fine yeah i mean i don't know
like i know people are supposed to you're supposed to shower pretty often like every day i guess but
i honestly it's like 20 minutes in the shower i just there's better things for me to do it's
better things in my time like well i guess add it all up you do save a lot of time by not showering or brushing your teeth
two minutes a day they say statistically in your lifetime you're gonna spend about
you know three four years in the shower so i mean fuck that for four years i'll be doing a lot of
other things fair enough i i you don't like showering like showering feels great i mean it
feels good when you're in there but then when you turn the water off and you gotta fucking dry
yourself off and shit that's that sucks that's horrible it's cold when you're in there, but then when you turn the water off and you gotta fucking dry yourself off and shit
That's that sucks. That's horrible. It's cold and you got to dry yourself and it's fucking annoying and you put your clothes on
It's just I'm just fucking lazy. It just goes back to that
What's the what do you always you know, you're obviously not an actual lazy person or I can't tell you know
I don't watch your streams as much. I just have priorities. But yeah, you are a hard worker in your stream, I would think.
What is the actual laziest thing that you do?
Like not brushing your teeth or like, what do you think?
Because I think we all do some really lazy shit.
I mean, for example, my bed doesn't have any bed sheets on it.
And nor does my blanket have any or my my fucking uh my pillows
don't have any pillow sheets i washed them i like date like motherfucking two days ago and i just
never put it back on my bed so i've been sleeping in motherfucking no sheet no fucking bed uh pillow
sheet uh bed you really need a woman in your life yeah yeah i mean i guess maybe i don't know it's
like uh i'm a fucking lazy shit or Wouldn't a maid be cheaper, Kyle?
Did we run the math on this?
What?
We talked about how expensive women were compared to servants.
I guess a maid would be cheaper.
You know, you need someone who comes in every week and, like, does your bedding and your laundry and shit.
Yeah, I mean, that would be nice.
I mean, I just don't want to spend the money, I guess.
I mean, it's not really that big of a deal i guess um i don't know i think probably besides
that the easiest thing i would do is taking dirty clothes out of the hamper and wearing them so i
just don't do my laundry you wear a diaper during your stream so you don't have to interrupt it
how did you hear about that oh i heard about it from multiple sources but to answer your question
it was on the subreddit. It's in the chat.
People were sending me private messages on Reddit telling me to ask you about it.
That's not true, is it?
Okay.
So it depends on what I'm doing.
Like right now, I'm not wearing a diaper.
It's my underwear.
But because my bathroom's right there.
But if I'm doing a stream like the fucking hamster ball thing where I have to, you know,
be outside for a long period of time and I'm not going to be able to use the bathroom without seriously turning my stream off for a little bit, I'll just wear a motherfucking little diaper, dude.
A little diaper?
You buy Depends, I guess, adult diapers?
Yeah, I'm getting adult diapers.
I'll just pee in that shit so I don't have to turn my stream off.
And I'll just pee.
And no one even fucking knows I'm peeing and I'm talking to the streaming show.
Do you have any of those diapers around?
Like,
like this is what I buy.
Could you hold it up like a severed head trophy?
Yeah.
Let me go find them.
Yeah.
I can't tell where his act ends and he begins or vice versa.
Like how much of this is real?
Like how,
like how much of this actual laziness,, how much of this is actual laziness?
But good God.
Showering twice a week?
Brushing your teeth every other day?
He's like Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
He really is.
Except he can't be bothered for any Charlie work.
Dude, I can't imagine something...
I haven't worn a diaper since i was a baby
but it's probably not comfortable to be doing a long stream while you have
your own stream going on you know or is it great right you know you you're just you're
sort of sitting there you have to pee and you it's physically super uncomfortable i bet you're
sitting in wet mush so i just move so i don't know where they are initially it's warm comforting welcoming mush right like uh i'm in my pee that's not really
how it feels a diaper is very absorbent so you just don't really feel it it goes to the liquid
goes directly into the diaper and absorbs it like a sham wow so you don't even feel the pee
uh because i can tell you this and any surfer it, peeing in a wetsuit is glorious.
It is just, you were cold because you're wearing a wetsuit.
It's obviously cold out.
And people who don't know, wetsuits are energy sapping.
So you usually wear the least amount of wetsuit you can get away with.
So you're cold.
But you pee in that wetsuit and you are temporarily in a hot tub.
that wetsuit and ah you are temporarily in a hot tub dude if you buy that thing i linked from amazon that loofah thing and you scrub your back every single time you take a shower which should
be every day that acne will go away and especially if you use like benzoyl peroxide uh like acne
scrub like you use something that's like 10 benzoyl peroxide and put it on that thing as your soap and
do your back and your ass because i bet your
ass is just a a fucking minefield as well if your back looks like that that should all go away and
no i mean actually uh my i mean my ass doesn't have any acne but it has a lot of hair so i can't
really see past the okay all right you know i'll tell you what i want to see on stream now find a
girl to pop those pimples for you oh i've already done that are you serious how's that go it was great i had uh some some viewers come in uh who are who are
women and i had them pop my back acne and they brought me some benzoyl peroxide and one of the
scrubber things that you were talking that you should that you linked there and i just i don't
use that shit i'm fucking lazy fair enough all right then uh but it's really good they they got
it really nice i think it actually has a scar there now because they just fucking popped it too hard.
Ah, good god.
But if there's one thing I'm not lazy about, it's my ass. I keep my ass really fucking clean because it's very uncomfortable to walk around.
I wipe my ass really well and I put water up there and I fucking clean it all out when I take a shit.
I mean, I don't know what you want me to say. Good for you.
I wipe my ass really well.
I mean, yeah.
It's finally an area where he comes up big.
What they're all about is keeping physical shit off of my asshole
as I walk around.
This is the sort of thing a four-year-old brags about.
I wipe my butt all by myself.
Well, I mean, you asked if my ass was, like, disgusting.
So, I mean, it's actually one of the cleanest things
I only shit every three days
I can't believe you're wearing diapers in the stream. Do you only piss in the diapers or have you ever shat in the diaper?
No, you don't shit in the diapers. You don't shit in the diaper because then it starts to smell
Oh, I'm so ridiculous. How would I think such a thing?
Yeah, come on You diaper noob.
What are you, an astronaut?
Come on, goddammit, go to the bathroom.
I mean, pee doesn't actually smell bad.
It's just the shit that smells bad.
I mean, I can't argue with that.
It smells like urine.
I would think after a while, you know, it begins to smell if you're sitting in a soaked diaper.
And I know that diapers are super absorbent.
They did a whole prank on Stern Show where everybody wore diapers and pissed themselves, and only one guy actually did it. begins to smell if you're sitting in a soaked diaper. And I know that diapers are super absorbent.
They did a whole prank on Stern Show
where everybody wore diapers and pissed themselves
and only one guy actually did it.
And he was like, all right, it's actually kind of dry.
But I've never worn an adult diaper.
Well, you should try it.
I mean, it's really not that like bad.
It's not like a baby's diaper.
They're made for adults.
They're made for a large quantity of people.
I know, have you considered this? you could do like a little penis catheter and run the tube down past your shoe
and then just pee anywhere you want to no no okay that goes in your pee hole no this is no they have
catheters that are uh more akin to condoms but instead of a reservoir tip there's a tube that
comes and you can run that tube all the way to be honest this is a paramotor paraglider thing when people are on these long
distance races uh some people will get out of the harness and just sprinkle and deal with the uh
the minor you know splash back low back you kind of pee into the wind there penis out of your pants
and just pee openly well you're on a paragider, so you're effectively pissing into the wind.
So you have people who go into two camps.
One prefer to piss into the wind.
The other prefer to run a catheter down their pant leg.
So they have catheters that you actually
don't insert into your penis.
They just put around.
They're like condoms.
I get that thing, and then run it up onto your desk
so we can see the pee bottle fill as you do
your stream or imagine if there's like a just take a two liter soda bottle and like take the
wrapper off and as you stream it slowly fills with urine and just just don't even mention it
don't don't say just just just you'll just see the piss start start filling it up i have
my own ideas like up like that yeah it's pressurized right but ice what if you just wore that thing and then dumped
it in places you're not supposed to like a bad rv driver you know like there you are like at target
waiting in the line by the cashier and you just pee leave a little dribble spot and walk away
i mean i could do that i feel like that's uh not good for environment. I probably just dump my pee in the motherfucking toilet, dude.
The environment doesn't care about your pee.
How about this? This is one of Chiz's ideas. He suggested Andy, but anybody, really, you make piss balloons and they have to fight with them as some sort of challenge.
I think that actually is going to cause somebody to get an illness.
No, no, no. Pee is sterile.
Ice is pee? Ice is pee is sterile. Ice is pee?
Ice is pee is sterile.
He's human.
It's orange as fuck.
I mean, I don't know.
I think pee can get you sick if you drink it or if you fucking get it on you.
No, no, no.
Where is the science of you to get pissed on you, bro?
Well, pee is like toxins, dude.
It's toxin.
It's toxic shit.
That's partially true, but it's not like poison. It's toxin it's toxic shit it's it that's partially true but it's not like
poison it's not cyanide it's more like salt you know like like you don't drink a lot of salt water
that's toxic for you but but you got to drink a lot of piss before you start getting sick
and don't drink we're not drinking it anyway we're just throwing at each other in water balloons
yeah make those guys fucking have a water balloon fight with your piss that's actually a good that's that's a fair idea i'm not i'll probably try i don't think anyone's gonna want
to do that but i'm down to try they'll do it they'll do anything for you ice i see you having
issues with bloody poop yes tell me i have i i have uh i don't know is that i don't know do you
guys have never shit blood no that's cancer that's a very bad sign. Is it red blood?
At which point it's probably hemorrhoids.
Or is it like black bad blood?
Or at which point it's probably cancer.
I'm an amateur doctor.
Do you have Bell's palsy?
It's black blood.
That could be a serious medical condition.
That could be cancer.
How much blood is coming out?
Is it just like a teaspoon of blood?
No, the whole toilet is red.
That sounds like red blood.
No, it's red.
The shit itself is a little bit darker,
but then there's liquid red blood in the water as well.
You definitely need to see a proctologist.
You either have anal fissures serious enough
to turn an entire toilet red,
unless you're eating beets and you're just confused or you have cancer or something like this your poop shouldn't have
blood in it well i mean they i was supposed to go to the uh the fucking stomach doctor but i'm not
gonna go and have a camera shoved down my throat that's not happening well they could shove it up
your ass you'd like it that's that's not happening either i'm not getting anything show my ass what
about fingers and just a speculum okay a finger is like you know
motherfucking you know six centimeters a fucking camera is like motherfucking big ass thing that's
shoving your ass it's like a big fucking it's like this this fucking thing up my ass dude imagine
that like fucked up i put this toothbrush in my ass but i wouldn't put no fucking i wouldn't put
this thing in my ass you know the cameras are not as big as you think they are you're just gonna have to shit blood
i mean i don't know i mean i i guess probably just my diet to be honest eat mcdonald's like
every day you know that fucking movie where the guy used to mcdonald's for 30 days straight i've
been doing that for like six months but let me ask this just throwing it out there are you sitting
on the toilet for a really long time doing social media stuff no i i probably said i go to the
ticket shit every few days and i'll just
sit there for like probably i don't get like 30 minutes so i can just shit let it out and leave
that's a long poop 30 minutes yes yeah that is a long shit well i mean if he's only going every
couple days but my diet is trash i don't have no i probably just don't need enough fiber it's like
really it's spiky as fuck when it comes out and it's hard to push out spiky what does that mean you know like when you shit
and it's like fucking like it hurts like it feels like like like a pine like a motherfucking like a
like a pine salt like a pine actually this is an area where i too have experience if you only poop
every once in a while you do get a much harder non-malleable almost spiky shit as soon as you said it i was
like yeah i know that one uh i think i let go on the last pka that as a teenager my superpower was
pooping like once or twice a week apparently ice is still doing this and uh you know the poop that
you guys may have being normies is uh you know it almost conforms to the shape of your
anus on the way out and that is what gives it that play-doh like yeah yeah well if you don't
poop enough it is a much harder more concentrated thing that is probably i'm guessing like the shape
of your intestine and your anus just has to adapt as it as it works its way out and it's not as good i mean pretty much i mean my my
shits are pretty large i just um i mean i could shit more often than every few days i just hold
it in i just like don't feel like shitting well you got things to do you know you can't be an
everyday pooper toothbrush yeah or shower i go to the bathroom when i really feel like i have to but
if i can hold it in, I'll just hold it.
You've got serious control to just be holding your shit for days.
Well, it's easy.
I mean, you hold it in for like fucking five minutes,
and then just the feeling goes away of having the shit. I have a solution for you.
Throwing this out there, I think you should consider it.
One, you used to anyway.
You have sleeping issues, right, where'd oversleep beyond where you wanted to.
And two, you have poop issues.
Coffee is a two-for-one silver bullet here.
Oh, I don't need coffee.
I got GG, the number one energy drink in the world.
Is that G Fuel?
What is it?
No, that's not G Fuel.
That's GG.
Oh, I thought you nicknamed it.
No, it's GG.
It's better than G Fuel because this has nootropics in it, which is like some good shit.
But are you getting your daily dose of lead?
of lead
Are you getting all the chromium you need?
What do you mean lead is gonna kill you I used to work with G fuel and
I forget what it's not probably about a whole year ago and
They just recently got a lot of negative attention because they found lead in
their drinks not intentionally and i've been goofing that you know what you have your coffee
your iron your zinc why not lead g feels fucking trash i'm not gonna sell that i wish the best for
them i hope they get the lead out yeah nearly as hard G Fuel, who poisoned children with lead, as he was on Wings Redemption, who said, he's not charismatic.
Everybody liked my...
We know where Woody's priorities are.
Poisoned my children with lead if you must, but my charisma shall not be questioned.
Don't you ever question my charisma skills!
Look! Look here! Listen!
You're banned.
Man, there's...
That's gonna be fun. That's gonna be
right in one of those, uh...
That's being added to the montages, that's being
added to the Wingstings videos. Wingstings
is somewhere right now, clickety-clickety-clickety-click,
like the fuckin' Matrix clackin' a keyboard
tryin' to edit your rant in there.
They're not helping... I'm sorry,
you're still going. Nah, go ahead, go ahead there they're not helping i'm sorry you're still
going nah go ahead go ahead they're not helping wings's mental health at all but they're definitely
fixing his financial health like the whole wings like genre right now is not about his gameplay or
whatever he thinks he wants to hold a stream where people just love how great he plays and how funny
is to listen to but that's not what he gets he it's it's it's like watching a nascar race waiting for somebody to
crash that's what's actually happening right now and now there are highlight channels that show the
most interesting moments the crashes they're all devoted to it and it's wrecking him personally
because he can't separate himself from the character from his lowest moments right like
i don't even think it's a character that is it's not a character yeah people think it is but but
you're giving him way too much credit that's just that's just his personality like shifting
rapidly rapidly throughout the day between with these he's bipolar and i think i think deep down
he he likes it he likes the attention, he doesn't he really doesn't like
We're with you with that like like I think all of us in this call can understand that it's like well shit if people
Want to see me rage and go crazy. That's what you're gonna fucking get tune in. I'm gonna smash controllers. I'm gonna punch walls
I'm gonna cry. That's what we'd all do cuz we kind of get it
But but but he doesn't like that shit at all like like he doesn't get any
he doesn't get any pleasure from he wants to be praised for his personality and gameplay
but no one is impressed with either one of those yeah those things he's he is not a world-class
gamer he's a good gamer he might be the best in your neighborhood but uh he's not world-class
like you need to be to succeed based on gameplay. And his personality is not getting it done.
He's just kind of – he's either boring or raging.
So the raging has worked.
Yeah, absolutely.
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Dude, how do you do that
so fucking well with the ads?
If I try to do that, I'd probably just fuck up, dude.
I learned to read when I was like five and it's really stayed with me you know i i really held
on to that skill no i yeah i read those things all the time i you know i've got practice okay
yeah i mean i don't know like i don't i mean i'm like i read i know how to read but i don't like
do you like reading books uh i read some books you know
yeah some stuff not like i'm not i'm not a prodigious reader or anything like i'm not
constantly reading but you know i've got a book i'm reading right now i probably read
maybe one book every two months or something i don't read a ton that's a lot of fucking books
last book i read i was in motherfucking like fifth grade or something to kill a mockingbird
ah oh boo radley yeah the the move the the uh
that's a good book it was great i mean the whole my whole classroom was laughing because they said
the n-word in the video and they're in the movie and i was we were just fucking we were cracking
up dude because i was like fucking some horrible shit to say but it was like motherfucking you
know we're like little kids dude we hear that for the first time we're like what the fuck
yeah you did feel like you were getting away with something when you're reading like tom sawyer and those kind of books and you're like oh oh i would never be
allowed to hear this word otherwise you know but now i am and it's somehow educating that's a good
movie that's uh that was robert duvall's first role i think he played boo radley in the movie
all pale and creepy in the house and everything that i like when people use that as uh as a you
know the whole me Too movement after they say
stuff. Like, you should always believe every rape accuser 100% of the time. And it's like,
really? And then they show the picture of that poor black guy in the courtroom next
to Atticus Fentz like scared shitless. Like, maybe not every time. Maybe not every time.
That shit happened for real. What was that kid in the 50s or something? Emmett Till, who some white lady was like,
that boy groped me or something.
And then they hanged him.
Have you ever seen the fucking movie Rosewood?
With Jon Voight and Ving Rhames.
All right, so Rosewood happened, apparently.
I believe it was in Florida.
It was this black community that were all doing quite well for themselves. What happened was this woman was cheating on her husband with a white man,
and one of their sexual encounters, I guess he got too rough and beat her up and stuff,
and she comes running out of the house. She accuses a black man. The town gets up in arms,
massacres the entire black community, the movie is brutal they're hanging black people
burning them alive there's a part where like the guy cuts off a black man's ear with a straight
razor he's like i got your ear boy i got your ear it's called rosewood rosewood it begins with john
voight just pummeling a black chick doggy style bent over his uh his like bench or something in
his place of business it's it's a it's a hard to watch movie they uh ving rams is kind of the one of the good guys they massacre an entire black community in
that movie though it's dark ice what is hampton brandon can you tell me the story
the legend the legacy of hampton brandon what do we got going on there
hampton brandon is uh the story of a man who could have had it all, but his ego got in the way and turned into a crackhead.
Was he one of your sidekicks?
So he was a guy who, you know, I met him on stream and he was a funny guy.
So I helped him make a streaming channel and he started streaming on his own.
And he was doing really good he
was getting like five six k viewers on average on this when he fucking started streaming he was
doing really great he's making a lot of money he's doing fucking fantastic and then he just couldn't
he couldn't do his own fucking thing you know what i mean he couldn't build his own fucking
brand and he couldn't like build his own channel he always had to come and interfere and you know push himself into my stuff like every fucking day so he wasn't your friend like
did you give this guy a start well yeah i mean he was my friend at first you know or like at
least acquaintance and i gave him you know i helped him fucking i turned him into a uh you
know i fucking helped him start to you know become a stream or a streamer and um you know
i i would you know i would stream with him every so often but he wanted to do shit like every
fucking day dude he wanted to like get in my shit and i said no that's not how it fucking goes
you got to do your own shit and then we'll when i'm you know we'll do our you know we'll collab
and stuff you know every so often that's how it works and then he just couldn't get that and he
thought i was like pushing him away or something and he just got fucking emotional like and he just fucking just kept doing really fucked
up shit on stream like trying to fight everyone and he just got banned from twitch that from
youtube oh that seems to take more you can't yeah he's going around he's trying to like fight
you can't go around and try to fight people on stream and like you know cause like a fucking the public just like be like a
danger to public you know you saw the public you know what i mean like that's a fucking issue
so he was going around actively being a danger to the public and you know just he had a really
fucking big ego so he uh and that kind of ruined it for him oh it sounds like your friendship got stressed too yeah i mean at first when i first met him he
was a cool guy but i don't know he just he had some like he just wasn't there was just something
weird about him that i didn't that i really like he just had like some loose screws or something i
don't know like even off stream we would just be like chilling like smoking weed and i don't know
he just uh he would just talk about some weird shit and uh you know the thing that really off put me was when i first uh you
know for one of the first days i was hanging out with him he was like you know saying that i should
split my donations with him when he's on my stream and i'm just like that's not gonna happen because
you know it's my stream go do your own stream if you want
donations you know what i mean like i'm not going to pay you to be on my stream dude you're going
to come to my stream you know just if you want to come to my stream you know what i mean yeah i do
i was getting that vibe earlier because like if he stood on his own two feet and you collabed every
so often then you would both rise higher right you know like you'd get a new sub and they'd learn
about him him get a new sub they'd learn about you and it would work great together if on the other hand he is just appearing in your
stuff leeching all the time and that's not a win-win i wouldn't say that he was leeching because
he actually was a good streamer okay i would have and he actually had something to provide
but i definitely would say he was trying to uh overthrow my business and that's not cool you know what i mean he was trying he was
trying he was trying to like actively come in and get a piece of the money in my of my own money and
he wasn't trying to make his own money he was trying to get a piece of my own money in my own
business when he should when i gave him a good start and he should have built his own business
off of that but instead he was trying to like take some of my business that I already
created and established for myself, which is just not cool.
Right.
Okay.
Every so often the chat just demands a topic.
They're like, I want to hear about this guy.
I mean, what do you guys think about that?
Do you think that's, you know, reasonable?
I think there's a lot of people that are going to try to leech off of you and try to get a piece of your pie.
And it should always be – a leech is a parasite.
That's why they use that word.
You always want a symbiotic relationship where both of you benefit equally in some way or another, whether he's bringing his audience to see yours and you're bringing bringing kind of what we're doing right right here right fucking now right like we've got kind of a symbiotic thing
like right now so we're exposing you to our viewers and and uh you're exposing uh us to
to your viewers right like this is a sort of a symbiotic relationship and you don't want a
parasitic one ever if you can avoid it there's a lot of parasites out there that's what they're
going for i think um like so with the whole leeching stuff i i don't
consider like a elite like anybody to be a leech you know what i mean like i want to actively help
grow people's streams especially on youtube because i want to try and build a youtube
streaming community i want people more people to stream on youtube so you know what i mean that's
that's a good thing when people stream i just want them to be able to
build their own thing i don't want them to come and all and like try to take a part of what i've
already built for myself because honestly well i mean i gotta look out for myself i got bills to
pay i have expenses shit's expensive i have no i have fucking multiple employees uh and who knows
how long this lasts right i mean i know early on you expressed that you're pretty happy with your current income we have no idea what 2019 brings exactly i mean it's it's on you have no idea so i
you know i'm very careful with you know my you know people trying to actively take my fucking
shit that i've created but i'm more than well i'm more than like welcome to help somebody create
their own shit and i want to i want to do that for them like there was a guy um his asian andy he's doing a
really he's doing really good right now he's pulling like 5 10k viewers on his uh stream and
he's streaming on youtube and you know what i mean he's doing his own thing he's not actively trying
to barge into my shit and not only that but trying to take a piece of what i've created for himself
and uh you know that's really good on him.
And I,
and I'm going to continue to support Asian Andy to help his growth.
Because honestly,
the more people that stream on YouTube,
the more viewers they get,
the more,
uh,
you know,
I got power.
Power of the,
the community will have,
is there an Asian Andy and a Mexican Andy?
There's like a hundred fucking Andes.
Yeah.
I don't know how at first I just swapped them.
Like, yeah.
Okay.
Woody, did you, I kind of changed the topic here.
Did you watch any of the UFC fights last night?
Only the highlights afterwards.
I didn't watch it live.
Well, Chris Cyborg beat the fucking shit out of that woman.
The woman's like, you know i'm she has her hands
up like this at one point and cyborg is just massive overhand right grabs her left leg tips
her ground and pound it was a beating it was it was it was it wasn't fun to watch it wasn't fun
to watch it was sad to watch honestly i'm glad i didn't pay for it oh and i i bet 50 on the girl
she was fighting too i gotta pay chis back for that. The odds were good.
If I won, it was like plus $700 or something like that.
I was going to get like $350 or something if I won.
One of the challenges with Cyborg is that no one in the UFC wants to fight her.
So it's always Cyborg against some Invicta chick that you've never heard of.
It's Lamps of the Slaughter.
It's Lamps of the Slaughter.
I guess I want to see your fight
nunez i you know i we don't need to dwell on mma long i just wanted to see if you'd seen the uh
the chris cyborg fight son and talk about cyborgs weaknesses and as he did it was like maybe nunez
is the woman to exploit them we'll see yeah i hope so i i think she's a fucking i'd love to
see her get beat the fuck up yeah and then that dude
that fought with the broken foot or broken leg or whatever that was pretty awesome uh for people
that don't know there's this crazy guy is he irish i didn't i haven't heard him speak yet uh the guy
with the crazy hair anyway he broke his leg in the first round and just managed to limp around
and win a decision on one foot it was pretty badass badass. Yeah, that was cool. Yeah, I didn't watch the card.
I just watched the highlights after.
I got the free card over on our MMA because I had already blown $50 betting on that poor
blonde Russian chick that got her ass beat.
So Duke UNC is like a super big deal locally.
It's probably akin to like the Florida-Georgia game where you are for football.
So that was on last night and it got my attention i don't know anything about ufc
me either we'll try not to drag it on too do you watch any sports ice are you into anything like that no i don't watch any sports do you watch a lot of power lifting or like bodybuilding youtube
channels i used to when i was into that stuff. Okay.
Aren't you getting back into it now?
Yeah, I mean, I already know everything there is
to know about fitness, for myself at least,
and I'm content with what I know and my knowledge.
So I don't really have to,
I don't really care to look at YouTube videos anymore.
But when I was first starting out,
I was like very interested
in getting to know about everything.
That's kind of where I am.
I thought that I was knowledgeable,
like back in the 90s,
but things have changed since then.
Like what people like,
compound versus isolation and diet and stuff.
So I started watching videos just to get my form right.
And I also show them to Colin, who's maybe never seen it.
I'm working out with my son.
And then YouTube just like,
oh, this guy likes fitness and weightlifting videos.
So it pushes more on me and more on me
and I'm just watching. and now all my like youtube suggestions are guys with no shirts
i mean when i when i used to be the same thing with me it's not gay i mean it's normal i mean
i used to be into you know looking at bodybuilders and stuff and i don't think it's gay to look at a
half-naked man no it's for its context in my head i i like temporarily get this
weird body dysphoria like i i see these guys doing pull-ups and stuff and i'm like yeah that's
probably what i look like when i do pull no i uh i'm getting a little better and if i look
carefully i see you know like the best aspects of my changes. But if you look critically, it's a dad bod that we're still cleaning up.
We gotta get you on some roids.
You know, I thought hard about the roids.
I still think hard about the roids.
And someone in my universe is doing them now.
So I can maybe just trail him by a couple months
and get some like opinions.
And, but...
Are they doing it for fun?
Like to get ripped again?
Or like medically? Okay okay uh yeah so the guy
that is doing them in my universe now uh is doing it just to you know like be the best version of
him but uh there's another person i know that did it medically and he had issues with like swollen
prostate afterwards and like other serious stuff that you it's like oh is it really worth
it and it like increases your risk of cancer and i'm like man and how does it even last like if
you trt your way to a better body it's not worth it to me if four months later i have my old body
back it depends which uh so it depends on what you're taking, right? I think with
testosterone, you keep a lot of what you've
done. But with something like
Trin or Deanna Ball or
something, I think that those
are more short-term. They wear off pretty quickly
after. We've been watching a lot of
YouTube videos, Chiz and I, about
steroids and stuff.
He just mentioned a thing. I wouldn't
have said their names publicly. It's on Ice's i'm sure i know yeah yeah yeah yeah i guess they're not good
they're not worth it at all you think they're not worth it no because you lose all your body is not
going to make its own testosterone anymore and you're going to fucking you know go bald early
and you're going to fucking you know when you get off the testosterone your body's not going to make
its own so now you're going to be like a fucking woman dude well you're all over the place
with let me just ramble for a second like like i was watching matt sarah he's on trt right and he
and he i saw him shirtless and while he's not the ideal body type it's like whoa he's way better
than i thought he was and he's like dude for the way i eat i should look a lot worse and it's like, dude, for the way I eat, I should look a lot worse. And it's like, fuck. And I'll see guys like a natural guy who works really hard might look like ice did.
Right.
But I see that in my head and think I can achieve maybe like 20% of what these great guys have achieved.
And then I'll see a guy on steroids and what they accomplish.
And I'm like, ooh, 20% of that would be pretty good.
You know, like I don't think I can match any of these guys because it's either knowledge or age or how late i'm starting or
whatever but if i'm only gonna get a quarter as good as them well shit a quarter as good as these
right heads is not bad and these are the thoughts so there's lots of uh there's lots it's not just
testosterone that you're going right there's you take things to keep your balls from going inactive and shrinking up.
There's a drug to do that.
It's a cocktail.
Yeah, there's drugs to block the gyneplasty and the other side effects, right?
And there's drugs to kick your body back into making the testosterone after you go off your cycle, right?
You're right.
You can't do this as an amateur.
You really need someone to
like hold your hand through this thing who knows exactly what they're talking about you don't need
pseudoscience and you don't need like internet like research to guide you through it you need
a doctor you need to know the medicine doctor well after you're done taking it and you know
let's say the whole process is done you're weaned off of it with the doctor like how fast do all of your gains even stay or not how fast how long
because there's no way they're gonna it depends on the drug so with TRT you stay
on it it's not a cycle you're on TRT now now your testosterone levels are
supplemented forever you don't stop taking TRT necessary I mean you can of
course like you can stop taking anything but but the, the idea would be to be on it now and you'd go get your testosterone check regularly.
And if it's low or too high, they'll adjust your dosage. But if you're on steroids,
it's going to depend on the specific steroid you're taking and whether it's,
it's something like a testosterone or it's something much more powerful, like, like trim,
you know, there there's, there's all kinds of stuff you can take that'll
do different things depending on what you want why would you want to why would you want to do
that though why would you want to take like a million different drugs just to make your body
look better vanity like that answers itself why would you take a million drugs to make your body
look better well i mean it's just not worth it it's like those drugs are very expensive and they're
very uh that's fucking hard to do you You got to like time everything correctly and shit.
Just work out without the drugs.
It's easier.
I've been doing that.
I agree.
I've been working out what I consider, well, I've been working out for five weeks.
I would say that the first seven, like the first week I was kind of not working out very hard, getting my form in, ease in slow.
But anyway, I'm working out for five weeks.
My diet has been really clean for maybe just the last like two weeks and um yeah i don't know we'll see where it takes me yeah man i uh i i i if i
were eligible for trt i just fucking take it why not why not be more more of a man than you naturally
are right and if you gotta i feel like you've got a doctor there the one thing i wouldn't do which
is fucking retarded, and like
you see like 16, 17 year old high school athletes that are just like
shooting fucking testosterone into their ass and stuff like that with no
medical supervision or anything like that and they're getting crazy side effects and going into rages that when the
testosterone mixes with their normal like hormonal state of going through puberty and stuff like that. That's insanity, right?
You'd never do that.
But if there were a sports medicine doctor who was going to monitor all of your blood work,
he'd be like, ah, well, you're going to be on a cocktail of stuff
because we're going to make sure you get no side effects.
We're going to make sure your balls don't shrink up to peas.
And we're going to make sure that when you come off this cycle in six weeks
that you start making your own testosterone again i don't see the
downside of that just i mean i mean shorter lifespan but right right so involved i haven't
mentioned anyone else by name but my mother-in-law just died of cancer right and it's like oh i don't
know i just had a front row seat to one of the side effects of steroids. She wasn't on steroids, but...
It was a lifter? I was like, what?
No, hers wasn't because of steroids, but steroids can give you what she had.
I understand.
Yeah. So it's just like, huh? I don't know. I don't know. There's a fountain of youth there
and it's appealing.
Steroids only give you that fountain of youth if you stay on them though.
My dad took steroids for a month and he got way bigger and he was able to lift a hell
of a lot more weight while he was on the steroids for a month.
But the moment he came off the steroids, literally two weeks later, he lost that weight and he
lost that fucking strength that the steroids gave him in like two weeks.
Did you really?
So I feel like there's, I don't know, a UFC fighterc fighter here there who some of them just melt i could
name names like vitor belfort and some of them it's like you know i think though that he's held
on to more than he would have gained had he been natural all that time if that makes any sense you
know if steroids took him to a 10 he dropped to a nine but if it was never on steroids that guy
would have been an eight i mean i guess i know
when i when you work out i feel like you should work out to be healthy and steroids aren't very
healthy to take so you know in the long run i think it'd be better because if would you rather
be bigger as a 40 year old or would you rather be a 70 year old that's fucking ripped and alive
and alive yeah who would have thought ice would be such a voice of a voice of reason
well i mean i used to work out so i mean i know i'm very against steroids so i don't know and
like kyle i know like the cocktail of drugs like you'd be doing it with a professional but like
it's not always going to go off without a hitch like people's endocrine systems are different
like the amount of hormones you create or don't create like you're not going to necessarily bounce back the same way as the optimal patient like you might start
growing tits afterward like maybe you go through two months afterward of oh shit i thought my test
was back where it was but it actually was that of a 70 year old woman and i feel frail with weak
bones or whatever like there's too much risk when you could just just work out regularly yeah i mean
i'm not on fucking steroids or anything but i'm just saying i know that would be the way all of us you're the most likely to do
it oh well i mean you know if there was a doctor who explained things the way i just like made up
pseudoscience made them up and convinced me sure why not like why the fuck not like that's just
the way i see it i would do it absolutely like and i bet it wouldn't be that expensive i bet you
could get like if it costs like two grand right but it but it but it made your workouts four times more effective or something like that
like yeah that's worth it that's worth it i mean it's only worth it if i knew what post steroids
were like you know like because i i guess i wasn't thinking i'd be on trt for life i was
thinking i'd use trt to get where i wanted and even if i backed off 10 from that hey look where
i am now.
But I don't know if I'd ever get there
without them. I don't know. We'll see. And I haven't done
it the natural way long enough.
You want some HGH too? Get some human growth
hormone? Want some
fucking centrifuge blood platelets?
Giant heads?
Kyle, you said there was something that actually
blocked estrogen? A drug you take?
Yeah.
Well, it doesn't block it.
There's all kinds.
I know people take Clomid.
Yeah, I know people take Clomid, which is like a breast cancer treatment kind of drug.
You want some estrogen in your system, obviously, right? But it prevents it from going rampant on you.
And there's stuff to block the gyneplasty, which they know they call bitch tits and and other I have that no you're too skinny I don't
believe that yes no I do look at this I have one can you get a little lower
right there I mean it looks like a peck to me yeah see if the nipples at the
bottom it's a pectoral if the nipples in the bottom, it's a pectoral. If the nipples in the middle, it's a man boob. Yeah, he just wanted to show us.
No, no, this is a lot more, it's hard to see, but it's a lot more booby than this one.
I do see what he's talking about.
I would not say that that is a man boob at all.
But who knows, maybe, have you ever been fat before?
Have you ever seen Wings of Redemption?
Yes. ever been fat before have you ever seen wings of redemption yes you know i don't know this is a
good show topic but colin i have a son his name is colin and he's special needs he's autistic and
i don't know what the hell else he is but um one of the challenges like there's like a behavioral
element that he kind of struggles with and since we've been lifting together he's more regulated now like he's a little calmer uh he's
uh much nicer to like the dogs and stuff like you know he's had he didn't used to not even want to
touch them right either they're like they were pointy or something and now he hugs the dogs and
it sounds like a dumb thing but it's actually really cool to see that he's less imagine if like
squishy things were terrible to you you know and less imagine if like squishy things were
terrible to you you know and anytime it was like a putty or something you'd be
like no it makes my whole body shiver and then suddenly you got over that like
that's the thing that kind of happened and I don't know Collins just had some
really cool genes in terms of like social interactions since we started
lifting and my wife is convinced it's related.
That's good.
Well, then, yeah, keep it up.
It's been a good thing.
Are you lifting now, Ice, or are you off of the fitness train?
Yeah, I'm doing a little bit of lifting.
I'm not at a gym.
I'm just doing push-ups and pull-ups and shit like you
know body weight stuff because i just don't want to go to a gym like i don't want to get a membership
i'm fucking lazy but i'll do it in my room this is like a as a good start you know help my fucking
cardio a little bit and shit i was gonna say you used to work out a lot but if you move all the
time owning a gym would suck oh sorry yeah no that'd be terrible yeah you'd be moving
like thousands of pounds worth of just weights from apartment to apartment i mean there's a gym
downstairs but i it's 150 a month so i didn't i just say fuck that that's nothing to you it's
pretty expensive 150 that's a lot of money dude yeah to you i mean i guess i mean, I guess. I mean, Bill Gates is a fucking billionaire,
but even he's a penny pincher.
You know what I mean?
You're not going to be rich if you spend your money like it's nothing.
That's true.
Is he actually a penny pincher?
But I will be rich if I spend your money like it's nothing.
So I think you should buy it.
He drops a ton of money on Africa.
That can't be cheap. Well, I mean, Africa buy it. He drops a ton of money on Africa. That can't be cheap.
Well, I mean, Africa needs it more than him, so.
Yeah, only a matter of time
until we've got the whole thing fixed up over there.
Yeah, they're about to turn that ship right around.
They'll have skyscrapers,
and they'll stop eating albinos to cure their AIDS.
Kyle, prove to me that doesn't work.
South Africa is running out of water,
and they're going to have no water in, like, April, I think.
What? I didn't hear about that.
We would have plenty of dirty water.
So I was thinking about doing a stream in South Africa
with, like, a bunch of water,
and then motherfucking not giving it to anyone,
just dumping it on the floor.
Do a dunking booth.
Now is...
A dunking booth where you're just showing... Like like people who don't have water if
they saw something as absurd as a dunking booth I do not understand why
why do they why do they waste the water like this but afterwards we will be
allowed to have it yes does he drink the water why is he wearing a diaper i do not understand the white people
his diaper got all the water yes now he's wearing a mattress
there is enough water in that that diaper for six of my nine children
that diaper for six of my nine children.
I mean, yeah. I mean, I'm sure they speak like that in Africa.
Most of them do.
It is a large place, but they all speak
the same.
That's the only
African accent that we do.
This is the only one we know how to do.
They sound like fucking Kwame
from, like, what is it?
Fucking Captain Planet.
I don't even know that accent.
I just try to keep up.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, well.
So, Ice, 315 deadlift?
What are they talking about in the chat?
I have to do a 31515 pound deadlift before the 10th
otherwise i live in burger's van for a night oh burger appetite with burger or do you like
get the van to yourself no burger gets to sleep in my apartment for the night that's the worst part
and i sleep in his van for who what are isis sheets like that he bathes every couple of days
he doesn't have sheets we've been over this he sleeps on a mattress yeah no i'm gonna put some
like ghetto ass sheets from walmart when burger sleeps in my bed if he if i don't fucking do that
shit because he's not sleeping on my fucking sheets fuck that put a plastic bed curtain over
your mattress a little bit of burger will seep into your mattress you You can't watch that. I feel like for the night that
Burger sleeps here, if I don't actually lift
his weight, he's going to bring over everyone
that he can to
have a fucking party, dude.
He's probably going to get me evicted, to be
honest. Fucking be loud and shit.
I don't know. We'll see. Where are you currently? How far
off 315 are you?
I could do like 250.
You're not going to make it.
You have some work to do.
I mean, I could do it.
I mean, you crazy as shit.
I've been working out like for the past month here.
So I think I could do it to be honest.
What are you doing?
Burpees?
How much time do you have?
How are pushups going to help you deadlift more?
Oh, no.
I do pull-ups as well.
And that helps my lats.
And lats are a big thing with deadlifting.
And then I also do like little squats as well. And squats helps my lats. And lats are a big thing with deadlifting, and then I also do, like, little squats as well.
And squats are the main muscle in deadlift over your back, so...
Clearly, I fucked with the wrong guy when I asked that question.
How much time do you have to go from 250 to 315, though?
Because that's not a small...
Well, I mean, I might be able to do it.
I know what I'm doing, so I think I'll be able to...
I'm working out the right muscles, so I think I'll be able to do it.
Like, people think you work out your back to deadlift.
You got to work out your legs to deadlift.
You know, the best.
When do you got to be able to do this by?
Like what's the deadline?
The 10th.
The 10th.
Oh, six days from now.
Yeah.
If anyone wants to take some bets with me, I'm giving two to one odds that he will not,
not make it.
I'll take any and all comers.
Wait, wait.
Ice, have you
considered steroids i don't need steroids come on man that's i used to deadlift like 405 easy so i
mean i don't know good technique your way to 315 which is kind of what it sounds like like i know
what i'm doing i mean if you have a time machine that would be helpful it's not good technique
it's just i'm working out the right muscles and I've been working out the right muscles for a month.
So I think I can do it.
You know what I mean?
Just one time I really push.
What, when was the last time you did 405?
Three years ago, maybe four.
If you've done 405 before and you're going to do 315,
like you might, he might be able to do it.
It's not insane, right?
Like it's good.
That's way less
than 405 it's an interesting memory you're gonna live stream it right yeah on the 10th uh-huh i
want to see that one i would not be confident enough to live stream myself working out like
i feel like it would just be people like oh your form is shit retard you know they're gonna be
unimpressed with my weights that's my problem people uh people say
the former shit anyways and you can never lift enough weight but it doesn't matter dude because
i know that you know it doesn't matter any do you have people in the chat that say oh bad form
only 315 like bro what the hell they lifting dude like motherfucking they're sitting there
in the chat looking like oh only through 15 like it doesn't matter dude it's fine i only had positive encouraging words for you in your chat i swear that's true and you i think i said i mentioned it you were way
stronger than me people would put down my weights and they would be accurate and right to do so
so i'm just easing into more weight i bought more weights because i i didn't buy enough
so that's a positive sign yeah i watched your uh enough. So that's a positive sign. Yeah, I watched your home gym video.
That's a really nice setup.
Wish I had one like that.
I'm super happy with it.
I'll tell you, if you do decide to buy something, here's my tip.
It appears that you can buy the whole power rack thing pretty cheap on the used market,
which I bought new.
But weights are almost as expensive used as they are new.
There's hardly any savings in buying used weights, which is what i'm trying to do now so i did it the dumb way
if i could do it again i'd get a rack for half you know 50 cents on the dollar and buy weights
new or something yeah that makes sense i'm sure there's a ton of those in craigslist that are
trying to beat to shit but it's like i don't need it to look nice dude it's very difficult to beat a power rack to
shit like i couldn't do it you know yeah you'd have to drop it off your truck like scratches
and not looking clean but like who cares about that anyway you should get um i mean those things
are good um but they have a lot of uh like i don't know it's hard to explain like i feel like a lot
of the muscle a lot of the strength comes from from being able to hold up the weight and balance everything.
So if you are using machines, you're not balancing shit, so you're not getting as strong.
No, you would like this.
I'll show you a picture of what I bought.
It would fit what you're looking for.
Yeah, but you're right, though, about using machines like that.
If you use a Smith machine to squat, it's like you're not actually training any stabilizing muscles or anything.
You can't mess up with balance because it's locked in.
Yeah.
I love those workout fail videos where you see assholes just put it.
I saw a guy put 2,000 pounds on a leg press machine,
and he's just moving it two inches at a time, making it bounce.
Who's putting those fucking plates back that pisses me off so much because i all of that stuff or when the guys are doing the crazy stuff with the with like the uh the pull things like the
the machines and they're like bouncing all over the place like spider-man i do not remember that
you haven't seen that shit? I find some. I'm going through my... Oh, hey,
Woody, your rant is on
the front page of...
Number one on livestream fails.
Oh, that didn't take long, did it? No, it did not.
What's the rant about?
I guess it's me talking about wings.
Yeah, at the very beginning of the show, when he went on
and on attacking wings and
cutting him to the center of
his dark soul.
Just really, that low blow Bruce Lee machine gun punch that he put on wings right there at the start is
on livestream fails. That was good. That was good stuff. Someone posted a picture of my
reaction. I'm like this. And they were like, when your Padawan finally comes along to your
way. Just for the rack, I'm showing it on stream right now this is the thing that i bought
i won't hunt it down but i also bought a bench for it so you can do bench pressing in it
and uh yeah i don't know it just holds the weight up so that you could do squats and
lifts and benching and whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah definitely and so you don't kill yourself
because if you're doing like squats obviously you don't kill yourself, because if you're doing, like, squats,
obviously you don't have anyone to spot you.
You know, if you're just freestanding, you could have some serious accidents and fuck your floor.
I don't know what kind of flooring you've got there,
but if you drop 150 or 200 pounds from shoulder height,
it's going to fuck up just about any floor.
Oh, yeah.
You've got to have, like, a rubber mat or something.
Even then, that wouldn't protect it if you dropped.
I mean, you shouldn't be dropping an entire load of what you're squatting onto the ground anyway if you
fail yeah where else are you gonna put it yeah yeah it's true so yeah you could do work and like
in the rack when you're squatting for example and if you fall the weight only drops to two feet
instead of like smashing you or something it's it could be your spotter and your holder and all that
stuff so yeah anyway that's what i've been doing to try and get a little more has jackie
gotten uh gotten into any of this fitness uh this fitness stuff with you is she in there she's on
the edge of it she contemplates it actually hope worked in with us uh this weekend uh but it's
primarily me and colin okay that. Yeah, it's been great.
Yeah, it's cool to have a routine like that,
do something every day with someone.
Are you working out at all anymore, Kyle?
My fucking rotator cuff really is fucked.
So lately I've been jogging,
and I can't do anything really substantial.
I don't know.
How'd you fuck that up?
I honestly don't know.
I'm just waiting on it to heal itself, though,
because I'm hoping that in a month or two,
it's slowly getting better. It's not as bad
as it was. It was so bad that I couldn't
do this, and I definitely
couldn't rotate my arm down
here. It's making some popping noises right
now. I will ignore that.
But I've just been jogging and doing
basic cardio stuff.
Jogging, doing sit-ups and bullshit like that.
But I'm hoping this is better because I like lifting a little bit.
I like my kettlebells and I like doing push-ups a lot.
But I'm afraid to do it.
Yeah, weights are so much more fun than cardio.
Cardio sucks.
I get a nice high after doing cardio.
If I run a mile afterwards, I feel really good.
Lifting weights is kind of like cardio. I'm with taylor but i wish i wasn't i wish i would like
i know tucker for example really enjoys running and gets a high and gets gliding and stuff
i never get past that plotting for swimming i did but yeah for running i feel like it's good
for my lungs i feel like after i've ran and like been huffing and puffing for a while, it clears out my sinuses and my whole respiratory system feels better.
Just my lungs having done all that work, it just feels better.
It makes sense.
And I've put in the kind of effort that you'd expect to get to that level.
You've been doing this for three months now, six months now.
You should be gliding and enjoying the
run never achieve that running oh that sucks like every step of a run is me thinking about how much
longer i have to run yes like there's no point where i'm like people are like oh i'll just lose
myself on a run and i'll be thinking about other things it's like it's never happened i'm singularly
focused on how much fun i'm not having with every step of that like
And I guess you get a little bit of cardio from weightlifting
But it's like fucking nothing compared to just going for a run or playing a sport. Do you do any sport you're distracted
Like from time to time I'll force myself to like run and it's terrible because I don't do it consistently
But other than that, it's just like compound some like kettlebell exercises that like get your
heart pumping,
but it's not even in the same ballpark as like running a few miles on the
same spot.
Uh,
we've been adding during warmup,
we do burpees and we've been making that longer,
but it's not really cardio.
Like a runner would get burpees.
What do you,
sorry,
I changed it.
Uh,
just like off topic here.
What do you guys think about the whole
the girl with the dog who killed her dog fucking thing?
Oh, I only heard about it.
Can you tell the story?
I said two thumbs down.
So she's a Twitch streamer,
and I guess she's like a vet.
She works in a veterinarian's office.
I don't know if she is a vet or like a vet tech or whatever,
but she said that a customer or someone who brought the dog in was like a jerk
or an asshole or whatever, so she killed their dog.
Yeah, I mean, pretty much like
I don't know, fucking, she said
she killed a dog
at a veterinarian
because she thought it was annoying.
I'm like, alright, you know, that's
fucked up, but you know, whatever. I don't know how the hell
she got away with it. I don't know where she dumped the body at or nobody questioned where the
fuck the dog went but or maybe the dog was doing something dangerous and she could just claim she
wasn't the cause of the death right like it's getting neutered or something and hey it didn't
make it i don't know dog shot itself yeah well i just, maybe she killed the dog by doubling its, what is the knock you out drug called?
Anesthetics is what I'm going for, I think.
Yeah, anesthesia.
Anesthesia, thank you.
I couldn't come up with it.
But yeah, maybe she just doubled or tripled the dog's anesthesia and then all of a sudden it's, you know, whoopsie doo.
I wonder how she did it.
That's fucked.
It is.
Twitter, or Twitter, Chiz linked her Twitter account and I clicked on it.
She's not even, like even a big streamer.
I don't think anybody would even know
who this person was other than the fact
that they admitted to killing someone's dog.
We all have our claim to fame.
Honestly, I think
honestly,
she's going to get a lot more viewers
from that shit if she doesn't get banned.
I don't know. It wasn't a smart thing
because her name is completely tarnished but eventually people will forget
and then she has viewers fucking in the end so you could say so many terrible things like it's
like she wanted to pick the thing that everyone no matter what your other beliefs are will will
hate her for well at least she didn't like everyone hates dog murderers oh i would i would
much rather uh hear about someone murdering a cat than a dog.
That was the Wings of Redemption dig.
He killed a cat.
He killed a cat.
Wait, Wings of Redemption killed a cat?
The story is, and you never know what's true,
but I'm trying to be fair
to him. He was a little kid.
Why start now?
Dude, I've been nothing but honest the whole way through.
I'm not going to stop.
Oh, he's a little kid.
He saw a kitten.
He wanted to play with the kitten.
And it was time to go in.
I think it might have been dinner time.
So he put a bucket on top of the kitten and then went in to have dinner.
Well, he forgot about the kitten after that.
And maybe a day or two later went to like oh yeah right i've got a
kitten under the bucket i wonder how it's doing now and it was dead so that that was a rough way
to die in a bucket in south carolina yeah and what i imagined nobody nobody gave him any shit for that
no well i mean this wasn't like last week he was a child yeah he's like he's
like telling the story of how he accidentally baked a cat you know right accidentally okay
well fucking all right that's in my head he was like 10 or 12 in this story i don't know what he
really was but yeah something you know the kid yeah i mean i never accidentally killed a pet
i mean i think when i was younger i might have killed like a lizard or something the kid. I mean, I never accidentally killed a pet.
I mean,
I think when I was younger, I might've killed like a lizard or something,
but I mean,
I think I did that too.
I,
we,
we had a chameleon and I was watching the,
like,
so we had a chameleon at,
uh,
in class at school.
And,
uh,
uh,
and if you were lucky,
like you were the one chosen to watch the chameleon over the weekend.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, right?
So like I really wanted that.
And she'd ask and it was like a race almost to get your parents' permission to get the chameleon.
Well, it just so happened that my mother was volunteering at the school that Friday.
See?
Not all bad.
More kids to hit.
It's a target-rich environment. So she was like, oh, we need a kid was like- More kids to hit. It's a target rich environment.
So she, it was like, oh, we need a kid.
Mom, can I?
Yes, I'm first.
And we got the chameleon for the weekend.
Anyway, we brought it inside and we had a dog.
Maybe the dog was paying too much attention to it
or something like that.
So I put it on the back porch
from what I thought was like in the shade.
And to me, you know, chameleons love outdoors, right?
Cause they're outdoor animals. don't know man like four hours later i came back and it was as if
you had cooked that chameleon over a campfire it had shriveled into there wasn't even any meat on
it anymore or something it was just a shriveled ex-chameleon like bones with skin wrapped too
tight around it and and like i i don't i to this day all i know is that i'm bad at chameleon care
i don't know exactly what i did wrong you know it like aren't chameleons okay like in a new jersey
summer day or spring day apparently not okay i hear you there but uh yeah so i did that and i also
this is this is more euthanasia but i am the family mice killer my daughter's had a couple
mice like as pets and uh game hunter hey well they towards the end of a mice's mouse's life
uh it like bleeds non-stop or one of them had a tumor almost baseball size that it like
drug around with it and uh what the fuck yeah it's yucky so uh it's disgusting the way that
apparently the nicest way to kill a mouse is to buy a cooler and buy some dry ice and don't put
the mouse on the dry ice that's a little painful but put it in there with the dry ice and it
quickly just falls asleep and it's you just hit it with a boot That's a little painful. We'll put it in there with the dry ice and it quickly just falls asleep and
you just hit it with a boot. It's a mouse.
I would just step on its head.
Yeah, I mean
a skull with a boot, right?
No pain.
A rat poison is probably
good to kill the rat easy. Yeah, but it's
painful. It's poison.
I mean, shit. I mean, fucking
if the rat's already
dying i mean fuck it dude and smash that fucker with a boot the worst is his glue traps you ever
you ever seen a mouse get stuck one of those glue traps he's like he's fucking stuck to the thing
is it a poisonous trap or is it just straight up like like a star kid in a bucket so if you touch
the glue it's like it like stretches like way way out, and it's really sticky glue.
The lightest touch will stick you to it, and once they're in it, it's like tar.
They keep getting more and more stuck into it until every part of their body is stuck to it,
and they'll even pull their own skin off to some extent trying to escape it.
And then you just find them stuck to the trap, and you've got to mercy kill the thing at that point.
The only way I've shot them while they're on the trap,
but most commonly just smash it with a boot, right?
Just smash its head.
Those things are really inhumane.
I would prefer a trap that just kills them.
There's a YouTube channel that does nothing but review
mouse traps.
There are hours.
And you'd think, what do you got, 10 videos, 20?
Hundreds. Hundreds of videos hundreds i've been on
that dude's channel i've gone on like hour long hour and a half long tangents like at times where
i should have been doing something you know more responsible which is all the time or wiping my ass
you know if i'm ice and ice is an ass wiper has 15 different uh like traps that he's reviewed in
like the last month alone yeah some of them are, a rat trap from 11th century shrine in India.
Yeah.
And it's, like, some goofy thing.
I don't know.
It's not as stupid as it sounds.
This is what I've gotten out of this so far.
Kyle is a psychopath.
You know, you're not the first guest to have said that.
Not even the first, you know, half dozen.
When I first used a mousetrap, and it wasn't, I was like an adult, you know, like over 30, my first mousetrap usage.
And I had watched a lifetime of cartoons, so I thought I knew what the scoop was, you know, that the next day I was going to see a mouse there, like, pulling on its tail, do in the cartoons like help help you got me that is not what mice trap do
mouse mouse traps do they they smash their skull in and usually it lands like
right across the skull and puts a crease in it it is an instant I guess painless
like instant death but it's it yeah I break the neck break the skull yeah i don't know why i thought
it was gonna get it by the tip of the tail and i just set it outside to live happily ever after
but the cartoons misled me they make traps that electrocute the mice yeah those ones are
apparently more humane like it's pretty much instant that they get shocked to death yeah he
removed the covers so you can watch the rat get electrocuted and he's just like hey what's this here and then he just
goes oh you know the best one that he had was it was just a big bucket and it was full of water
like halfway up like a you know spackle bucket and there was a two by four leading up one side
and a two by four leading up the other and a two by four leading up the other
and then there was a spinning dowel with peanut butter on the middle of it and so it was just an
overnight footage of all of these fucking rats and mice going up trying to climb and get some
peanut butter but then they spin off the dowel fall in and drown and by the next morning there's
like 60 rats these things were drowning with each other all night
and he's you know he's like wow what a great haul like it's like where do you live that was exactly
what i was waiting to say like where does he live is he in new york city is he in the woods
he's in the woods but also this isn't his first rat genocide like he has dozens and dozens and dozens of these videos
so he's killed net i don't know 20 000 rats yeah like he literally has to like stop and like let
the population get back up in between videos because otherwise he'd actually take care of
his rat problem and that's the last thing this guy wants there's a rat hunting season yeah he loves
it oh what a creep i like I like those fucking channels, man.
They are interesting.
He's kind of a handyman, but he's also good with his camera work.
He gives you a little bit of a history lesson
sometimes.
This is an Ethiopian rat trap.
It's from Archimedes'
Rat Killer Guide.
It's always something like that.
He's got some ancient trap or some brand new
cutting edge electronic trap that literally
electrocutes the rat and then
moves the rat to a
storage bin and reloads
itself.
That's fucking cool.
Oh, we were talking about dead
animals and pets. It wasn't my
pet. I think I've told it on PKS.
I'll tell it faster.
A family friend of ours when I was much,
much younger, a kid, they needed us to watch their bird because their kid had a fucking bird
named Sunshine. And it was like a big yellow bird and it was really fucking expensive, I guess,
because I guess dumb people pay for expensive birds. Oh, yeah. And so they brought this bird
cage over and it was like the traditional, you know, like Tweety bird one where it was like those
wires that go up and get closer and closer until they meet at the top and it was like the traditional, you know, like Tweety bird one, where it was like those wires that go up
and get closer and closer until they meet at the top.
And there's like a place that you can hang it.
But we didn't have anywhere to hang a bird's nest
or a bird cage because we didn't have one.
And this thing was so fucking obnoxious.
It was as loud as can be 24 seven
for like the two days that we had it.
And so we just put it in a bedroom by itself one night
in its cage, threw a sheet over it and until like
two in the morning we hear that because i apparently birds just don't immediately go to
sleep when you make them think it's nighttime that's a lie uh but it's like two in the morning
it stopped it was like oh thank god and so then the next morning we went in to like check on the
bird and we see a little lump at the top of the cage, like past where the cage was. And we pull the sheet off.
And this bird had gotten its head wedged between the two top bars.
And it had broken its own neck and hanged itself.
So there was just a dead bird hanging from this bird cage.
And my younger brother had to call this little kid as he was crying and be like, hey, you know your bird you've had since you were two?
He killed himself.
Killed himself last night and we had to stress it like that because otherwise they would think like wow they were so
negligent they couldn't take care of a bird for two days we'd be like no your bird killed itself
i don't know what you were doing but it seized the day they didn't put any blame on you
no i didn't make the bird kill itself i only knew it for two days it killed i mean if i gave my if
i gave if i gave you if i gave if i gave
you my pet and then i came back and it was dead i probably put all the blame on you regardless
right see it depends on method of suicide if it hangs itself in its cage overnight it's not like
you know a hillary clinton suicide where it's like shot themselves in the back of the head twice
you know like definitely different there or if it was poisoned you could blame me because that's
irresponsibility right but hanging itself i don't think birds kill themselves this one did my sister had a rabbit we
rescued one time like a wild rabbit and they they put it in a shoe box and you know put some nice
stuff in the shoe box some lettuce and the and the top of the shoe box we sort of like cut some
holes about the size of a quarter or something Maybe a little bigger and it was a really tiny rabbit
And I guess it was trying to escape and it got its head through one of the holes and just hung there and it literally
Hung and strangled and died there in the box dangling from that hole with his neck through it
And of course me being a mean kid. I was like, ah, you see it killed itself because it didn't want to be your pet but yeah it was a dead baby right it was kind of you can't disprove it yeah yeah you didn't see
what happened i've locked a a dog in the bathroom for three days when my when my manager let me uh
have his dog yeah uh it was barking and shit i didn't know shitting all over the house and like
tearing my fucking walls up and shit so i just locked it in the bathroom for three days a bunch
of food and water and uh i came back and there was shit all over the floor and pee all over the floor
and it smelled like ass in there but he had plenty of food and water so he's fine i think it's the
best best way to take care of a dog it's just i don't know about the best way emotional scars
don't leave visible scars i mean it's a way to take care of a dog. I gave it toys and shit. I mean, I'm sure it's fine. Oh
I mean so long as there is a ball in there you got enough room to turn around
the toilet
Here's a ball now go live in your own filth
I mean think about it the dog was tearing up your house and being fucking annoying,
I mean, he's like, all right, put it in the room for a couple days.
I do see where you're coming from.
I probably chained it up in the backyard.
We act like it's horrific, but people keep their dogs in crates
in situations like that.
Yeah, I'll be nice.
I'll put it in a whole room.
Yeah.
I mean, sometimes dogs need to go in the crate.
They say to train it so that the dog doesn't think about the crate as a punishment. Yeah. I mean, sometimes dogs need to go in the crate. They say to train it so that the dog doesn't think about the crate as a punishment.
Yeah.
Or they just think of that as like, that's where I sleep.
Yeah.
That's fine.
Yeah.
A lot of dogs love their crate.
They're like, oh, yeah, I got to go in the crate now.
Oh, sweet.
Let me in the crate.
Let me in the crate.
That's like their comfort zone.
Like, we tried it.
We've tried to crate train dogs before.
And I don't know. I guess
they'd be locked in there against their will,
and then we could never make it so that
they wanted to go in there on their own
free will, too.
I don't know exactly how to do that,
because my dog fucking hates me, but maybe
only giving them their toys when they're in the crate,
or, I don't know, just making them
spend it. The thing is, they sleep there every night or whatever but i don't know my fucking dog hates me
you're talking about how's that spelled dax d-a-k okay it's short for dakota
ah how much longer until that dog dies do you think oh god you know with we feed him that good like blue buffalo food and
you know he gets plenty of exercise he could last another 10 years i don't know that's a damn shame
drats yeah it is it's fucking three thousand dollar attack dog and he hates my guts but he's
good at attacking he's excellent at attacking he almost got me the other day he almost did i i i
escaped narrowly but i got away did you like go into a car, shut the door behind you?
I shut the door behind me. I opened the door and he was outside and I opened the door and he comes just
roaring, heading toward the open door and I'm just like
motherfucker! And I just closed the door and he's just like
like right outside the door just wanting to kill me, just wanting to rip my
fucking guts out like
how are you cool being around this dog that like would literally attack you what are you gonna do
dude i stayed in his house i don't know what it was we'll call it four or five days or something
a couple years ago and uh i tried to warm up to this dog right and there were brief moments where
like we'd share a couch together and maybe I'd like,
I've got, he's like giving me his butt and I put my hand on his hip or the opposite.
Maybe he'd put his head on my lap.
And I think like, aha, now we're bros, right?
Now we've had a little moment where we can, no, the dog is very short memory.
The deposits would just go into a, an emotional bank account that drained on its own.
And, and yeah, you can't seem to build up these emotional bank account that drained on its own and and yeah you can't seem to build up these
emotional bank account credits that you would with any other animal any other dog would be like oh
yeah i know this guy you know what he's actually pretty cool not dax he'll be like you're cool and
then then four hours later totally forget that you're okay you've got no rapport with that dog no way to build it poor no he's he's uh he's not friendly no no the way you describe it it sounds like the worst dog in
america because i've never met a dog that shitty like even friends who've had dogs like hey you
know be careful like they'll be a little aggressive half an hour in as long as you're not screaming at
it and kicking it like it's gonna be liking you because yeah you gotta get close to it first it won't allow that it is protecting it's it's it's
like house he sees me as an outsider of some kind and he is violent you know he he's he's he does
that with most a lot of people you know but but he knows me like i'm not he knows me and just he
knows you and he and he dislikes you more for it. My favorite part of the story is
the other adults in his life
wanted to fix him, wanted to chop his balls off
and Kyle was his last line of defense.
And he's still mean to Kyle.
Eventually Kyle was like,
you know what?
Off with your balls.
Neuter him.
Maybe it'll make him nicer.
It just seems so shitty to neuter a dog.
Especially when he's an expensive dog.
He's like a well-trained, expensive, purebred Belgian
Malinois.
And it's like, ah, maybe one day someone
would pay for us to breed him.
And then we'd have puppies.
And so our next dog doesn't cost $3,000 or whatever.
We just get a puppy out of that deal.
I'm not necessarily looking to sell a stud fee or anything.. We just get a puppy out of that deal. I'm not necessarily
looking to sell a stud fee or anything, but maybe I get a puppy out of this. We've done that before
in my family. We had a really nice Labrador retriever and it was like, yeah, we're going to
stud old Max out and we'll get a new puppy and he'll be the next generation of pets or whatever.
But after this, it became clear this dog was just a motherfucker. I was like, I don't want another one. The last thing I want.
Yeah, and I agree.
It does seem like a not cool move to fix your dogs on some level.
But I've always had kids, and that's been like the primary thing.
Dogs can get more aggressive if they're not bred.
They can want to be the dominant one.
And when you have little people in the house like that,
then you got to put them first.
At this point, I don't know
if having a pet would be even worth it.
I hear you.
You ready to wrap?
I was just thinking the same.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ice, tell everybody where they can find your shit.
Ice Poseidon
on YouTube. You can type it in. Ice Poseidon on YouTube. You can type
in Ice Poseidon on YouTube, Twitter,
Reddit, any of that.
That's all my stuff.
Thank you for coming on the show. I think it's going to
be one that people talk about for a while.
Yeah. Have a good time, man.
Thanks for coming. Very interesting guy.
Thank you for having me. I appreciate you guys
very much. What about you guys? You guys are all
for my viewers who don't know you guys, perhaps.
Yeah, if you go over to Woody's Gamertag on YouTube, all the stuff is in the link in the description of this video. This will be uploaded on YouTube as a video.
We got a Patreon and we got merchandise and all that shit. We got a subreddit at RPKA. So yeah, if you like what we do, come check it out. If you don't, that's cool too.
Whatever.
Very cool.
All right.
Sweet.
Thank you.
Thanks for having me, guys.
376.
For sure, man.