Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #388

Episode Date: May 31, 2018

On this week's PKA it's just the guys kicking it, with Woody still in his Bate's Motel and an appropriately themed conversation about a "Woody Skin Suit" comes tumbling out of the discussion relating ...to his being away, Taylor shares his opinions on Deadpool 2 while Kyle brings up certain scenes from Black Panther and then the guys talk about the alleged accusations being made against Morgan Freeman.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Bag it. Velvet. And we're live. P.K.A. Thank you already, version. It's almost 400. Kyle? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:16 A couple sponsors tonight. Dollar Shave Club, Get Quip, Smart Mouth, and a brand new one, 4Hims.com. So, yeah, we'll get to those guys later on in the show, of course. And, yeah, let's kick right into it. I think you're wearing a velvet shirt too. Do you? It looks like just a soft Columbia pullover kind of thing. Oh, it's a colored shirt.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Pullo button-up kind of thing. I've just got lighting shining on it, so you're getting some contrast. I don't know if this is the most interesting topic of the night. Let's talk about this for five or six more minutes. It's very nice. I think it looks good on me. You look great. Your hair's on point. But the important thing this evening is that
Starting point is 00:00:56 Morgan Freeman is now under attack in what I think is a racist song. That old man I think is a racist. That old man from Shawshank Redemption wouldn't have heard a fly. Driving this Daisy dude has been under this kind of persecution
Starting point is 00:01:16 for 200 years now. His name is Freeman, right? Come on. This guy, I don't care. First of all, I don't care if he was murdering women with his penis. I don't care if they of all, I don't care if he was murdering women with his penis. I don't care if his penis shoots bullets and he's literally fuck murdering bitches on the street. It's Morgan Freeman, and I'll defend him. But let's look at what he actually did here.
Starting point is 00:01:37 It's so silly. Oh, thank you, CNN. Thanks for the ad. No, thank you. A young production assistant thought that she had landed the job of her dreams when in the summer of 2015 she started working on going in style a bank heist comedy starring morgan freeman michael cain and alan arkin but the job quickly devolved into several months of harassment she told cnn she alleges that Morgan Freeman subjected her to unwanted touching and comments about her figure and clothing on a near daily basis. Quit the job, bitch. Quit the job. Freeman would rest his hand on her lower back or rub her lower back, she said.
Starting point is 00:02:21 I wish Morgan Freeman would put his hand on my lower back and rub my back and be like, oh, you look like you're in good shape, Kyle. You've been working out. Oh, that's a lovely velvet shirt you're wearing today. So smooth to my touch, just like my buttery voice. I would love to have that in my life. And if he cupped my balls, I'd let it slide.
Starting point is 00:02:40 But if I were uncomfortable with it, I'd be like, I'm sorry, Mr. Freeman. Stop. stop touching my balls mr freeman and if he persisted then we've got a real problem but that's not what she did she she was just and just kept doing her job and now what almost going on four years later she's come forward to try to tear down this great man's name? I don't think so. Kyle, are you implying that because she waited, that this is some sort of expeditious scheme? Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:03:13 She waited one year. There are eight victims and eight more corroborating witnesses. Victims. Victims of what? Victims of attempted skirt lifting, Kyle. Attempted skirt lifting. They don't charge people for attempted murder. If Morgan Freeman wanted your skirt off, it'd be off, all right?
Starting point is 00:03:35 That's a powerful man. I like his commercials that are during the NHL and NBA playoffs that come on where it's him, like, drinking Spr Sprite and it's so cold and icy. And I'm like, man, Morgan Freeman's really making me want to Sprite right now. So Sprite's probably not pleased about this, but yeah, he never even looked at the skirt. Like the whole Me Too thing is so diluted that like now when you see any of these, like your mind is supposed to jump to like the Harveyvey weinstein level you know where it's like oh he's doing the same thing it's like no too much conflation listen to this one he quote he quote
Starting point is 00:04:11 did comment on our bodies we knew that if he was coming by not to wear this is at work by the way not to wear any top that would show our breasts why are you wearing a top that's showing your breasts. Why are you wearing a top that's showing your breasts at work anyway? Not to wear anything that would show our bottoms. Meaning not wearing clothes that were fitted, she said. At 80 years old, Freeman is one of...
Starting point is 00:04:35 Come on. Leave Morgan Freeman alone. Leave him alone. He's not Bill Cosby and bitches. He literally did that thing where he's like, ooh-hoo, ooh, and grabbed their skirt. He didn't even lift it up. He was joking around. This is an old 80-year-old man being silly.
Starting point is 00:04:53 George W. Bush was doing that like three months before. He was grabbing asses. Yeah, yeah. Didn't he have a funny joke or something that went with it? Do you remember the line? Oh, it was like, who's your my favorite Russian diplomats, like Sergei Squeezin' Ass or something like that.
Starting point is 00:05:09 It was something silly like that. I wasn't it, but it was something stupid like that. He'd get in there. Morgan's just, he's literally hitting on young ladies. That's all that is if if a young attractive man did that this for these ladies they would be totally down it's totally within the realm of
Starting point is 00:05:30 hitting on someone right saying that they look nice asking well maybe asking if they're wearing underwear i've asked chicks that i'm hitting on if they're wearing underwear but kind of you know with a with a wink and a nod kind of grinning this kind of thing you probably don't just walk up to a lady at starbucks and you wearing panties okay panties are you wearing bitch like it depends on the context right like it can get real scary there's no way that morgan freeman was unless i don't have a good gauge of his character based on the films i've seen but it doesn't seem like he would be that kind of aggressive creep you I saw that, man. I paid a dollar to see a girl's panties, kind of.
Starting point is 00:06:09 I thought I saw them. I thought I saw them. And I was sure that they were pink, if I remember right. And yeah, I don't know why I'm doing this. Anyway, I thought I saw them. They were A-OK. Yeah, I was a big fan. And she said that they weren't pink.
Starting point is 00:06:24 And I was like, i know i saw them they are like you know whatever so we bet a dollar and i can't lose in this situation exactly yeah yeah and and she took the bet she showed me her underwear and like it was more than i thought i thought she was going to pull her underwear above the waistline of her pants and prove it but instead she unzipped and showed to like her mom's pubis and uh they weren't oh it's so sexy when you get scientific yeah it's the venus mom's pubis yes yes oh you see her labia majora anyway i gave her the dollar and i still felt like a winner well that that's an old trick of course you you you say to the girl ah you're not wearing a bra today and it's like yeah i'm wearing a bra
Starting point is 00:07:12 no you're not i am no you're not and eventually they're gonna they're gonna strip down it just happens a hundred percent of the time a hundred percent of the time they take the shirt off a hundred percent of the time a hundred percent of the time. They take the shirt off. 100% of the time. 100% of the time. We could do a moving cam and see if that's true. How far? Yeah. And then you'll be staying at that motel permanently. Kyle, but how far can you push this rule? Can you be like, there's no way you're sucking dick today?
Starting point is 00:07:40 Oh, I could if I wanted. Doubt it. Could you push it that far? I don't know how much experience you have. Or is it just limited? There was someone had said that a girl had hairy nipples once. And I was like,
Starting point is 00:07:54 I heard you have hairy nipples. And she was like, I absolutely do not. I'm like, I don't know. I'm not convinced. That's a good one. Because she was, no girl wants to be the girl with hairy nipples, right? That's frankly disgusting. If one of the three ladies who listened to this show, not counting the trans woman, I'm sorry, but it's okay if you have hairy nipples, sir. If you're a woman with hairy nipples, that's absolutely disgusting, and I'm sorry if I've offended
Starting point is 00:08:26 any of the three of you who listen to the show who may or may not have hairy nipples, but yeah, in her case, she was like, I absolutely do not have hairy nipples. And with a bit of probing, so to speak, we got down to the, we got her top off. What if it was two or three hairs? Not a single
Starting point is 00:08:42 hair. Not a single hair exists. And I'm not talking about some sort of peach fuzz that ladies will have. No, I'm talking about long black. I'm talking about the same hairs that I grow. These long black hairs. I don't want their nipples to look like mine where there's sprigs, tufts of hair surrounding it.
Starting point is 00:09:01 It's not very feminine. What if you were sucking on it and you got that hair? were sucking on it and you and you like you got that i would i would bite it and you know what to be honest i prefer unlike happy trails which are obviously hot for nipples i like them i like none at all that would be my preference i've never dated just smooth i made a mistake Just smooth. I made a mistake. Like a mannequin. I would prefer no hairs on a nipple at all. But to be honest, I don't consider
Starting point is 00:09:32 that a total deal breaker. If I found that she had a couple of hairs on their nipples and she was otherwise good to go, you know, like a fit, I could overlook a few nipple hairs. Well, what color? We need to make clear these hairs are like jet black yeah they could be the hairs on your head they could be whiskers i would put up
Starting point is 00:09:53 with a few whiskers on those boobs if she was otherwise the right one would you like with some creative thing to take care of it you'd be like babe i want to try something new let's get in the shower and shave each other one razor yeah i know that's how i like it you know i'm really just gonna real quick all right we're up and let's get the other one that that's all you need to do i don't think a shaving is gonna get it i i would i would pay here's how you if you have a hairy lady and it's really rubbing you the wrong way there's Italians and Greeks out there right now and the blacks
Starting point is 00:10:28 Jewish women the Jews you beat me to it but I was heading there if you're one of those races that perhaps has more hair than is desired I think the go to move is to gift her body waxing, right?
Starting point is 00:10:46 Is Dollar Shave Club sponsored this week? Yes, they are. But first you gift her Dollar Shave Club, and she'll be able to handle her maintenance. But there are some places that just need a good waxing. Like she can shave her legs. She can shave her armpits. But if she's got just a huge tuft of ass hair, we're going to need to get in there deep with some hot wax. And so you gift her, you know, some Brazilian body wax.
Starting point is 00:11:15 Yeah. To go somewhere? Okay. Yeah. Okay, so the hairy nipple thing, that's a good line. What if you said something like, I heard your pussy tastes terrible. I don't think that's... Who told you that?
Starting point is 00:11:29 And she starts crying. And she starts crying right there. Dylan and Steve and Rick. There was a Twitter poll about it. I had a surrogate before I dated that guy. Oh, disgusting. Yeah, I don't think that one would work. And I don't think that one would work. And I don't think that one would work.
Starting point is 00:11:49 No. No, you're hesitant to that one. I like the I heard you have hairy nipples one. Yeah, that one worked. That's good. What other ways can we... Oh, now we're talking about tricking women into getting naked instead of Morgan Freeman. Damn it.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Well, I feel like it's pretty connected, right? I mean, he's back at home. Yeah, potentially. Except he wasn't doing a trick. He was just like, woo-hoo. Just becoming incredibly successful and suave and rich, and then
Starting point is 00:12:20 his fucking assistants trying to tear this great man down. Get out of here. He was red. He was red in Shawshank Redemption, all right? He led Andy Dufresne to freedom. Get out of here. Get out of here with your bullshit.
Starting point is 00:12:33 Plus, how is the CIA in today's job? If people don't know what a production assistant does, they pretty much get you your diarrhea medicine when you need it on set. They're just runners. They handle all the low-end jobs. I don't know what to do with my hands how much do you take on a daily basis actually it's an example i during the dancing thing yeah i told him i had a stomach ache because i did i was having belly issues but out of like modesty I didn't describe the details of it. So they came back with like, you know, too loose, got some of this. Too firm, got some of this, got some of this.
Starting point is 00:13:11 They came back with like a bag full of all the antidotes you might want for any kind of stomach ailment. Christ. I felt so loved. I was like, wow, you guys are really taking care of me This is so great I love being the product of a show It's not that they love me They can't have you shitting on cam
Starting point is 00:13:33 Emilio doesn't want to clean up Another mess on stage 3 So here you go Mr. Woodworth Jesus Christ What if you shat yourself mid dance That would be humiliating your only option would be to kill yourself i had enough humiliation because mid-dance i had to excuse myself and i'm like i'm wired up i have a wireless mic on me and i'm like is there something we could do
Starting point is 00:13:58 about this but if you guys probably most people listening to this i've never worn like a wireless lavalier mic under their shirt. But if you do it in something where you're moving a lot, they really have like a – they put it on very carefully to make sure that your shirt doesn't rub against the mic and that it doesn't show. And you don't just take it on and off willy-nilly. So I just had to take it on faith that they weren't listening to me poop. Oh, they were listening, and it's recorded somewhere. Chiz, we must track down this audio of this. I like to imagine that you're singing a little song
Starting point is 00:14:29 and your voice gets really tense every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your voice gets real stressed every time things get rough. Row, row, row your poop! And then a loud splash. Well, if they're going to hear you hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot what if they're gonna hear you
Starting point is 00:14:45 hot hot hot if they're gonna hear you shitting I would rather them hear like a nice healthy shit after a couple days with lots of fiber or they'd be like ah well a couple of splashes and that was it I don't want them to hear like a after a weekend of drinking and eating like
Starting point is 00:15:03 a bunch of pizza like the sprays of your body rejecting it. It just sounds like you're emptying a flat two liter into the toilet. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You hear way in the distance, could we get a courtesy flush? Shit. We can still hear you even when you whisper
Starting point is 00:15:30 so pa if you shit yourself in one of those dance things even like as a person with a family and otherwise happy life if that's up there forever you have to like alone at your house that night be sitting there and know like i i could just end it yeah i could just kill myself right now all you're like so then i won't be the guy who shit his pants i'll be the guy who killed himself and that's a little better you start understanding japanese culture a little more now i understand why they why they kill themselves occasionally they have an interesting way of doing it i don't remember the exact word it's like harry harry or something which i think was that the cubs announcer the cubs announcer is Harry Carey. No, Harry Carey.
Starting point is 00:16:29 What is he called? How close am I? Fairly close. The Cubs announcer. Not the Cubs announcer. Yeah, Harry Carey. Fairly close. I've seen Jim Carrey do his Harry Carey impression.
Starting point is 00:16:38 It's fucking hilarious. But they would stab their little blade into their stomach and mostly disembowel themselves. But then they got a spotter with them, a suicide spotter. And he's there with a real katana ready to cut their head off and end the misery. So you do the ceremonial bit of stabbing yourself in the guts and partially disemboweling yourself. And then he quickly ends it by lopping off your head. I would love to be a spotter, right? No.
Starting point is 00:17:08 I'd rather go into a different line of work. Tee-poo-coo. Definitely not Harry Caray. No, I'm with Woody on this. I've heard something... I always want to say it's Harry Caray, but then I'm like, that's that
Starting point is 00:17:23 weird announcer guy. Hey! Harry Connick, 1960. H-A-R-A-K-I-R-I. Harry. Keery? Look at this. This is Harry Carey done by Will Ferrell.
Starting point is 00:17:51 Oh, I've seen this clip. He sounds like him. Do you want to watch? Go to like 15 seconds. Let's start at 15. 15. Let me know when you're ready for me to start counting, Chiz. Three, two, one, play.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Look at him. Hi, everybody. Harry Caray here. And welcome to space, the infinite frontier. We've got a great show lined up for you. Joining us in the studio today is Linda Ham, the flight director of John Glenn's historic space shuttle mission. Welcome to the show, Linda. Thank you, Harry. It's a pleasure to be here.
Starting point is 00:18:47 Now tell us, what was it like working with an American legend like John Glenn? Well, Senator Glenn was... Inspiration... I really... I'm sorry. What's the problem? Please, please forgive me for asking this, but didn't you die? Yes, I did. What's your point? Uh, oh, nothing. Good. Hey, so they shot the shuttle Discovery up into space.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Yes, that's correct. Is that thing ever coming back? Uh, it landed a week ago. How many survivors? Everyone survived, Harry. Oh, that's a relief! I love Will Ferrell. Yeah, yeah, that's...
Starting point is 00:19:36 So Harry Carey is when you stab yourself ritualistically as a Japanese man and end it all. And I feel like you'd have to... I thought we decided that was seppuku. Yeah, but I'm... You see it in the sky? Yeah, you put it in there. It is harikiri. Oh, it's the same thing?
Starting point is 00:19:54 Yeah, harikiri. No, Chiz, I'm saying... No, you're a liar, Chiz. Stop lying. Chiz says no, that's seppuku. According to Wikipedia, it says Seppuku. And Wikipedia isn't totally misinformed on many, many issues. Read the other words.
Starting point is 00:20:09 You're getting all upset. I'm just chilling. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. You're not a liar. I'm not kidding. You know what? If I was going to have to kill myself because of some cultural outrage or whatever the reason they do this,
Starting point is 00:20:24 I wouldn't want to stab myself in the stomach i definitely want to choose some some other option right like that looks like a head like an american i mean that would be fast or just how would you do it no guns allow see this is what you've got to do for this like you got to commit suicide no guns allow okay uh well i certainly wouldn't get a friend with a sword to stand behind me as i i don't want to see my innards as my last memory of like i didn't even have to do this like no of course i've never seen my sword work online and some of my videos, I decapitated several mannequins with my katana. Katana-na-na. I put a clean stroke on there.
Starting point is 00:21:11 You wouldn't even know I hit you. I, on the other hand, have... I have one victim so far, Henrietta. She was not a fan. Jesus Christ. She gave that execution two wings down. That was rough. That was rough. That was rough stuff.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Remember in Game of Thrones when Theon tries to execute Maester Luwin? Or... And then at the end, he kicks the head and it tears off and rolls away? That's what Henrietta went through. That was infinitely quicker than what Woody did. It always struck me as a funny way to do it. You know, obviously, don't kill yourself, kids. that was that's what henry had to win that was infinitely quicker than what would wear online but it always struck me as like a funny way to do it you know obviously don't kill yourself kids it's not it's never funny but this is a funny way of someone like super gluing like tying like from
Starting point is 00:21:56 the top of a building tying like piano wire around their neck and then super gluing their hands to their head and then so that it cuts your head off and then you land and you just have your own head in your hands and everyone's like horrified and you're on live leak. That's pretty good, right? Like everyone would remember. Great. He pulled his own head off.
Starting point is 00:22:22 Wow. Nobody even knows why he did it. Look, if you're out there and i'm not not no i'm gonna stop this right right my tracks just gonna stop right now i'm not gonna tell anyone that they should do what taylor just said i'm not going to tell them that it would be hilarious if they did what taylor just said because that's terrible don't do what Taylor's doing. Don't. Don't. Don't.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Do it. I think I would just fly out of 10,000 feet, unclip, and roll forward. Seems like a great, surefire way to die. Wow. Jesus Christ. I would love the terror for the last like i don't know how long does it take it takes a moment of bravery i know that one moment no no the actual fall i mean like how long is the fall itself i follow what you're
Starting point is 00:23:19 saying but i'm saying there are other ways like yeah like if you wanted to slowly kill yourself with drugs you'd have to do that for a long time. If you wanted to OD on heroin, I don't exactly know how someone goes about doing that, but it seems like it would take minutes to OD on heroin. You've seen Breaking Bad. First of all, those minutes would be pleasurable. Pretty good minutes.
Starting point is 00:23:38 They'd be ecstasy. So would skydiving. I'm so not heroin savvy, I'd have to go to the heroin dealer and be like... I feel like it's literally skydiving. I'm so not heroin savvy, I'd have to go to the heroin dealer and be like... I feel like it's literally skydiving. A terrifying thing, yes. Skydiving is
Starting point is 00:23:54 terrifying when you have a parachute. Now imagine you're like halfway through your skyfall and you're like, I changed my mind, this was a terrible idea! I was going to bring that up, Chiz. Peggy Hill survived it. That's true. Peggy Hill, noted skydiver.
Starting point is 00:24:10 She jumped out of a plane, and her parachute did not open, and she survived the fall. She landed in a very soft field, and she survived it. She was in a full body cast for some time, but her husband nursed her back to health, and everything was good. Yep, ended up working out their kids. And then their neighbor Bill, who had a bit of a fetish for Peggy and her large feet, he ended up keeping the body cast and putting a photograph of Peggy's head on its torso and having dinner with it because he's a very lonely sad man bill dotrieve the bill dozer bill yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:24:52 in so fucking long uh that was that's my favorite underrated show oh it's it's it's great the bill dozer episode is my favorite episode when basically bill dotrieve is like this is king of the hill we're referencing by the way bill dotryev is high school running back superstar and he's got all of the records for the uh maybe the state but definitely his high school and as a man of age 40 or so there's a new hot shot who's on the verge of breaking the record and bill has made complete peace with it he's watching the game and he's happy with it doesn't mind at all when this guy ties his touchdown record but then he breaks his leg and the very next game they allow him to limp in to the to the the end zone and score that the the other team steps aside And while this guy is limping in with crutches,
Starting point is 00:25:45 he drops the football and a defenseman picks it up, dusts it off and hands it to him. And he limps in to break Bill's record. And that is when Hank, and Bill goes into an incredible depression. That's when Hank realizes the Bill Dozer never graduated high school. He's still game eligible.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Air Bud rules. Air Bud rules. And and so they begin a fitness program that involves some backyard shenanigans, you know, fighting lawnmowers and stuff and and getting him good to go again. And he rejoins the football team and he becomes the billdozer once more. It's a wonderful episode. Does he get good? He gets good enough to get his touchdown.
Starting point is 00:26:29 We're not spoiling it because it's, you know, from years and years and years ago. But like on his charge when he's trying to score, I remember laughing so hard because he like is like all of his bones are breaking and they're like trying
Starting point is 00:26:40 to tackle him. And he's just like a 40, 45 year old man, like sacrificing his body for a high school football record. I'm going to try to find the clip of him scoring. Yeah, that's a very good show. I'm due for a rewatch on that show for sure. I don't think I've flipped it on in eight years. Well, the initial score at touchdown has music on it.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Let's see if the second one does. Yeah, okay, this does not have music. Let me see where we need to start. Probably looks like around... You can just watch it from the beginning. Okay, yeah, I'm down for the beginning. That's fine. Yeah, the audio
Starting point is 00:27:23 will be so-so, but I think it's worth it. It's someone filming their TV with their cell phone. This is high-quality entertainment for folks. Are you going to link it? It's in the chat. Oh, okay, you said the first one was no good. I'm good anytime, cheers. Kyle, are you going to count down?
Starting point is 00:27:49 Yes, I'm going to count down. Three, two, one, play. Okay. He's even using like an old timey helmet. Yeah. Yeah. No face guard. Just a low chin thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:34 I love the determination. Look, his knee blows right away. You're just falling apart. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:29:11 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:29:11 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:29:12 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:29:12 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:29:13 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. So the interesting thing about Bill Dautreve,
Starting point is 00:29:37 if you've seen the whole show, is when they flash back to Bill Dautreve in high school, he is an alpha male. He has this incredible head of hair. He's Hercules incarnate. He's big and a bulky son of a bitch. He's massive, strong, powerful, athletic,
Starting point is 00:29:56 all of the above. And he joins the military. And they use him, they induct him into a secret government project called Project Infinite Walrus Man. Where they inject, the idea was to... I don't remember this. The idea was to breed this super soldier that could operate in the Arctic to fight the Russians.
Starting point is 00:30:19 And freezing cold water, so they would need lots of body hair, right? They would need lots of body hair, right? They would need lots of body fat. And so they injected him with these drugs that made him fat and lazy and hairy. It was a complete failure, and that's how he became the poor man that he is now.
Starting point is 00:30:37 I don't remember that at all. That actually makes... King of the Hill actually had some episodes where you'd feel genuinely sad for some of the characters. Like Family Guy, that doesn't happen. You know? At least for me, it didn't. This is hilarious.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Go to one minute and 20 seconds of this video that Chiz just linked. So in this clip, Dale has infiltrated the military base, and he's gotten the files and the slides from Operation Infinite Walrus, and he's finally showing Bill and Hank and Boomhauer this dark secret of Bill's past. All right, I'm at 120. 120. Okay, I'm ready. Three, two, one, play.
Starting point is 00:31:22 You will see from this incontrovertible evidence, Sergeant then-Private Bill Dautreve was given large doses of an experimental drug from 1982 to 1984. The Army was trying to create an elite group of Arctic commandos stationed in Alaska unable to withstand frigid temperatures.
Starting point is 00:31:42 They called it Operation Infinite Walrus. The mission? to withstand frigid temperatures they called it operation infinite walrus to repel an invasion if and when the communists came over the polar ice cap the drug was designed to promote accumulation of heat retaining blubber on the torso foster the growth of insulating body hair and create the ability to undertake long periods of hibernation. Yeah, but all those years they told me they were giving me super vitamin shots. Side effects include headaches
Starting point is 00:32:14 and erectile dysfunction. I gave 20 years of my life to the army and this is what they did to me? Bill, it was a different time. It was back when we didn't know the Russians were incompetent. is what they did to me bill it was a different time it was back when we didn't know the russians were incompetent dark dark wow great fucking show mike judge made an incredible show i i i loved king of the hill
Starting point is 00:32:40 i've seen it all um it's uh when when h. When Hank's dad dies, it's actually emotional. Usually you don't get – it's a cartoon show, right? But, man, it's hard-hitting. It's good stuff. His dad dies, the guy with no lower legs. So he walks around like he has two peg legs. He's got no shins. Tojo took him.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Tojo took him. Tojo took him. He's a Tojo machine gun. Yeah, Hank's dad was fucking hilarious. That was great. Deadpool 2? Deadpool 2 talk? I haven't seen it yet, but you both seem to have really enjoyed it. I've been meaning to go see it, but I just haven't found the time.
Starting point is 00:33:24 It was way better than I thought it would be. Superhero movies can be good. They can. I'll admit that. They can be good. I don't know. It's almost like the opposite side of the spectrum because I liked the Batman series, that trilogy, and that took itself very seriously,
Starting point is 00:33:40 but I still liked it because it was dingy and gritty and I guess Batman's not technically a superhero. You know, he's just a really rich guy who's in fantastic shape. That makes him more of a superhero. The thing about Batman, look, we don't have to go down a whole Batman thing here, but
Starting point is 00:33:55 Batman may be my favorite superhero. There's this moment in one of the Justice League cartoons where Batman first meets the Green Lantern and they're like walking through this tunnel and the Green Lantern's like, so what are you, like a half bat, half man, some sort of vampire?
Starting point is 00:34:11 What's the deal? And he's like, no, no. He's like, what? You're telling me you're just a man in a suit? Like, are you kidding me right now? You're just a guy? You're just a regular fella? Like, it makes him more badass
Starting point is 00:34:26 than these guys who are bulletproof oh it definitely does i'm not taking that away from it at all there was also just a guy not that badass yeah yeah they one of the members of his super team or whatever uh chris where they put out like a an ad for more mutants or whatever. And this isn't really spoiling anything. They're going through the whole list of people who could be on the team. Like, I'm Macho Steve. I'm the vanishing guy. And then this other guy
Starting point is 00:34:56 comes in. He's like, so you're Peter. What do you do, Peter? Oh, no. I'm just a regular guy. I just saw the ad. Thought it looked like fun. You're in. They hired up ready to like take on the big mission there's a scene reminiscent of that one and they're going from like superhero to superhero they're all like jazzed up in their own special way with their own superpowers and then there's peter like this is gonna be cool right
Starting point is 00:35:30 it's really great yeah that was that was a funny scene yeah i gotta say it was it was way better than i thought it would be and i i guess i don't hate i obviously amp up my superhero hate on the show compared to real life i don't actually think about it that much but uh yeah deadpool one and two both pretty good movies i liked them there were some actual laugh out loud moments uh in the middle of the middle it's so hot right now he's uh he's got a uh a deal with netflix they're uh they're making a movie he's got one of those netflix deals where they're doing a Netflix movie. It's got a $150 million budget.
Starting point is 00:36:08 It's directed by Michael Bay. Let's hope it's more like Bad Boys and less like Transformers. But yeah, he's very hot right now. I saw him on this Japanese, or maybe Korean, I believe it was Korean, singing competition show
Starting point is 00:36:22 where the contestants are wearing goofy masks and they do a singing performance and then they pull the mask off to reveal. I guess the idea is that like maybe if you're ugly, you might get judged poorly based on that. So they let the audience hear their voice and then they reveal the face. And so this guy sings the song beautifully. It's really good. And then he takes off the mask and it he this guy sings the song beautifully it's really good and then he takes off the mask and it's fucking ryan reynolds and and the crowd goes crazy you know korean people look like they're all just losing their fucking shit like all polar cameras out yeah like like pikachu
Starting point is 00:37:00 himself has made an appearance they're they're just going bonkers. A little over the top. But it was good, yeah. Movie was good. I liked the jokes at the fat kid's expense about diabetes. That was funny. Diabetes. Diabetes. Yeah. The sugars. Yeah. But, yeah, I
Starting point is 00:37:22 liked it. I encourage people to go see it. That was a fun one. I'm not going to go see Infinity War. Infinity Wars. Wars, War. One of the two. Probably one more. I watched Black Panther the night before last.
Starting point is 00:37:37 It was already purchased on my Amazon account, so I was like, eh, you know, it's basically free for me now. So I watched the thing. I did not like it. I didn't like it. I didn't think it was very good. It was pretty lame.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Just seemed like there was a lot of infighting that meant nothing. What is Black Panther's ability? Like, is he just, like, a fast guy, a strong guy? Like, heightened senses, incredibly high technology, like, bulletproof, like, incredible invincible suit he's wearing with like uh vibranium is this material that the wakandans have access to and they've been living in a there there's african group of people who've been living undercover for like millennia and they're the they have the best uh technology on on the planet and uh it's it's it's it was not good
Starting point is 00:38:21 this wasn't good i didn't care i there care. There was nothing at stake the whole time. There was one moment where to do this ritualistic thing where someone can challenge the king for rulership, he drinks a potion and it takes his powers away. And so then it's mano a mano, right? And he gets the shit. You can't handle my potions, traveler. He gets the shit kicked out of him. I was like, well that that should be it like and then he then he like limps off and recovers and gets get some more magic potion
Starting point is 00:38:51 and then comes back which i thought was fucking cheating i thought i i thought that was fucking bullshit like when he got his ass kicked and thrown off the waterfall that should have been that but but yeah i i didn't like it i didn't like the movie i didn't think there was nothing at stake uh i didn't think the characters. I didn't think there was nothing at stake. I didn't think the characters were very compelling. How was the guy who plays Smeagol, right? Andy Serkis. He's in it, isn't he?
Starting point is 00:39:17 No, the guy that plays Bilbo is in it. Oh, okay. Yeah. He's like the only white guy who's not a villain. I made that joke that I stole weeks ago that he was the Tolkien white. He's the only white guy. And they were super racist to him, of course. He tries to talk, and they all start barking like gorillas, and they say that he can't talk there because he's white.
Starting point is 00:39:40 So when he started talking, they bark at him? Yeah. Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. They all started doing a gorilla thing. Why would they choose that? So when he started talking, they bark at him? Yeah. They all started doing a gorilla thing. Why would they choose that? Because they're the gorilla tribe. That's their name, the gorilla tribe? Why would they choose that? I thought they were the high-tech country.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Well, there's five tribes. There's the miners and the border tribe and the merchant tribe. But there's no need for any gorilla tribes in Wakanda. They're the mountain gorilla tribe, Woody. What are you trying to say? That there's something wrong with being the gorilla tribe and wearing that gorilla
Starting point is 00:40:15 mask? They wore a gorilla mask? Yes, when he showed up for the ritualistic combat, he had on a gorilla mask and he barked like a gorilla. No, he didn't. He absolutely did. See, this is what people don't understand about Black Panther.
Starting point is 00:40:35 I don't know either. I'm not fucking with you. It's 100% true. Chis can grab you the link. It's Blaxploitation, and people, I guess, have forgotten that black exploitation was a thing and that it's meant to be – it's not meant to be championed. It's meant to be looked at. Everyone in this movie is a black person. Not one of them went like, wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:40:57 This feels kind of racist. Who wrote this script? Kyle is totally right about the blaxploitation thing. Like in the 90s and I guess late 80s is when they're like, oh, they're just taking movies and changing everybody and making them black without really adding new formulas to the mix. You're just taking a carbon copy and changing the basic. Like all those Pam Grier movies. The same thing with like a femsploitation where they're like, you're just taking all the movies and changing them to women without really adding anything. Like what would now be something like Ocean's 7, Ocean's 8, whatever the one is with the women.
Starting point is 00:41:28 Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters, that's a good example. But now that's totally cool and good to be a pandering douche who's just like, oh, should we make them different from the Ghostbusters? No, just make them worse but female. Watch this shit. Watch this shit. This is literally the same.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Again, it's poor quality i'm afraid it's cell phone it looks like it's a stolen video it looks like somebody's recording the movie theater but this is this is the white guy who is one of the smarter guys in the movie right he's like a cia agent ex um uh air force pilot like like he he's he's like gotta he's like excuse me i've i've got a thing to add. And then this happens. I'm cute at zero. I'm ready to watch.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Three, two, one, play. The new king is a U.S. spy. The new king is a U.S. spy. No. No. You cannot talk. One more word and I will feed you to my children.
Starting point is 00:42:32 That's how he talks? One more word. That's how they all talk. That's how they all talk. Great Gorilla. I don't know. He seems kind of funny i like him that's it you watch this movie what do you don't remember that part i didn't see this movie oh i thought you had i thought you liked it oh man i thought this was one of those like i was under the impression that woody had not seen it but when were like, you know, the jokey troll thing, I thought you were trolling. Like, remember that scene where they barked at the white guy?
Starting point is 00:43:12 Yeah. And I'm like, what? There's not a scene where Bilbo starts talking and they start barking at him. And it's literally, it's called black panther mbaku barking scene yeah i i but i like the little joke and then how he laughed at him at himself afterward that was kind of funny yeah but i just i yeah yeah i can't believe they wear you keep pantomiming a monkey and that's the most racist thing about any of this. I haven't seen the movie, but we know that we're...
Starting point is 00:43:47 You just saw, and there was no monkey pantomime. There was no gorilla mask either. You had your own hatred for the black man. And I won't have it. I don't know how I became the racist person. I just watched this movie. This is what happened. You forgot the armpit part.
Starting point is 00:44:05 I'm doing it. It's just a... Oh, okay. There you go. That's where it happened. That's where it happened. That's why this is memes. I'm not doing that.
Starting point is 00:44:11 Yes. Black Panther. I can't wait to see it. I'm really curious. Is... There's a gorilla... I got blown away. that was an actual scene? Like, if you
Starting point is 00:44:28 would have said, Kyle, I bet you a hundred dollars that this is a real scene from the movie, I would have been like, I'm calling your bluff, motherfucker. There is not a scene of them barking at the ring bearer. They absolutely do bark at the ring bearer. It absolutely happens. One rude individual barking.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Quite a few people join as though you just bark at... But they're supposed to be the Star Trek high-tech spaceship, kind of. Or are they not that high-tech? They're more high-tech than anyone else on Earth. They are probably ahead of Tony Stark in their technology due to the vibranium access that they have. No, no, definitely ahead of Tony. They've got shit that he doesn't have, for sure.
Starting point is 00:45:09 It's debatable. As Stark? I've watched several YouTube videos on this, and some people think that they are more high-tech because they did a better brain transfer or something. There's a scene in the next Avengers where they kind of compare ideas. Some people think that Tony Stark's suit is light years ahead of the black panther suit
Starting point is 00:45:29 and you know therefore he's more high tech anyway the point is there is a debate so they're roughly equal and in this thread like on reddit or somewhere of people in sincerity debating this. Oh, yeah. That would be a... I'm like 40 minutes of YouTube videos into this particular topic, and, uh, yeah. Some people think that she was born with a vibranium spoon in her mouth, and had she not had that advantage, that she'd never be anything special.
Starting point is 00:45:58 Absolutely. Absolutely. Tony Stark's self-made. Go to 12 seconds of this, and you'll get to see his monkey mask. Oh, my God. 12 seconds. All right.. Go to 12 seconds of this, and you'll get to see his monkey mask. Oh, my God. 12 seconds. All right.
Starting point is 00:46:08 I'm at 12 seconds. So this is some ritualistic combat. Very early in the film, a new king must be crowned. And part of that is like, you know, I'm challenged, the new king. And everybody's like, I won't challenge. I won't challenge. And then like Mbaka or whatever from the mountain gorilla tribe comes down. He's like I'll challenge wait So they're the most high-tech
Starting point is 00:46:28 Civilization on earth and they pick leaders by fighting to the death. Well, it's a it's a monarchy But you have the ability to challenge when the new king is being crowned. They're very ceremonial Okay, so I'm at 12 seconds. I'm at 12, I'm ready. Three, two, one, play. So Black Panther getting his Black Panther mask on. Oh, that's a Panther mask. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah, that's a gorilla mask. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Oh, no. They do the lifting. They do the lifting, too. A bunch of guards with shaved heads. Let the challenge begin. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. A bunch of guards with shaved heads. Let the challenge begin.
Starting point is 00:47:10 Hi, is it Julius Lee's? They fixed my lazy eye with their high technology. It's like a wood shield, but he's making a metal sound. Oh, wow. Alright, that's enough of that. right, that's enough of that. That's enough of that. All right, that's enough of that. Well...
Starting point is 00:47:30 That doesn't look like a Halloween store gorilla mask, though. That's a pretty cool gorilla mask. I just... I wouldn't have chosen gorilla. No? Well, you didn't write... Woody, what would you, as a white man, have allowed them to do? Like, what would animals be on your checklist?
Starting point is 00:47:47 Cancers and lions and hippos. If you think that's bad, Woody, you should see the animated version, where he's not just a man wearing a gorilla mask. He just turns into a giant gorilla. I mean, that's a pretty cool ability. Wait, can he turn back, or is that a one time thing I never saw him turn back he was just kind of the gorilla man
Starting point is 00:48:10 even if I had it I wouldn't play no it's like I'm about to get raped in prison or something you end up in the Atlanta zoo all of a sudden you're Coco and you're like no I'm Taylor oh Coco you gotta learn sign language ASAP to try to get yourself out of this.
Starting point is 00:48:27 But then they just, we're not letting him go. He's a fucking talking gorilla. He's signing. He wants to go home. We're not flying him back to Africa. I probably would have used it. He says he's from St. Louis. Well, that can't be right.
Starting point is 00:48:40 He's clearly not signing correctly. I used it when I was young and stupid i'm sure like getting bullied in high school turn into a gorilla kick his ass and regret it for the rest of my life yeah as you stand because immediately people go from wow woody what a badass beating that guy up to there's a gorilla in the school call the police or maybe the power maybe you thought the power was gonna work but it didn't so like you're surrounded by bullies everyone's laughing there's like a dozen bystanders also kind of jeering and you're just like gorilla power activate and nothing happens they just beat the shit out of
Starting point is 00:49:15 you that'd be even more humiliating but he even does it his uh wakanda knees yeah wakanda accent gorilla power activate this is my wakanda accent yeah man i i felt like it was it was a little uh a little on the nose there with uh with some of that stuff and and and look look i i get that he's the black panther and this is in africa but they traveled the fucking globe and there wasn't a white man in the movie who wasn't a bad guy, except for Bilbo, who just gets run over the whole time. And by the way, Bilbo's the real fucking hero. This is
Starting point is 00:49:52 what's literally happening. All of the black characters are fighting each other over power. That's what's happening. All of them are fighting each other. It's black on black crime. Control of the world? Control of their country? Like what? So a new leader
Starting point is 00:50:08 comes into power and he wants to send Wakandan weapons out to black people all over the world so they can overthrow the governments that have been oppressing them. So he wants to send weapons to fucking Oakland and South Africa and everywhere so that black people everywhere
Starting point is 00:50:23 can rise up and kill the colonizers who are oppressing them. Yeah, they call white people colonizers in this movie. And meanwhile, while the Black Panther, the hero of the film, is literally fighting his cousin for power, the white man gets in this remote control spaceship and stops all the weapon shipments while risking his life without a special suit without without invulnerability he's like it's literally a situation where like he's locked in this room remote control remote controlling a spaceship that's going to stop the weapons from going out and destroying the world and there's a
Starting point is 00:51:02 thing like a spaceship shooting the walls of the room he's in and they're like you gotta get out it's got 50 containment left it's gonna kill you and he's like no he's just gonna he's like he's gonna stay and die to save the world meanwhile black panther's out there and he's so invulnerable that like they hit him with missiles or like they run him over with a literally a rh, and it actually charges him up. His suit starts turning purple, and he gets more powerful. That's pretty dumb. Didn't like the movie very much. I don't like those superhero powers where they get charged up from being damaged. Even in the world of superheroes, it seems cheaty.
Starting point is 00:51:40 Where it's like, ah, there's no way in the torso you know by a bazooka is like oh power like no you're you should at least you know get indigestion or something during kinetic energy let me tell you stop it gail let me tell everyone about dollar shave club guys your bathroom call it's time to give it the cleaning it deserves get rid of all that junk that's lying around freshen it up with the high quality products from dollar shave club remembers like me Guys, your bathroom call. It's time to give it the cleaning it deserves. Get rid of all that junk that's lying around. Freshen it up with the high-quality products from Dollar Shave Club. Remember, like me, we get everything we need for our morning routine delivered right to our door. Dollar Shave Club has razor, shave butter, shampoo, body wash, toothpaste,
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Starting point is 00:53:44 And I have converted a few of these ladies over to the club. Wow. That's good. Well, that's cool. So, yeah, Black Panther, very racist film. Also, I believe it was the biggest Marvel film of all time, maybe. Incredibly popular film. Everybody else seemed to love it.
Starting point is 00:54:07 But me. Maybe I've got poor taste or maybe I just wasn't drinking the Kool-Aid. I have a five-second fitness update. I like that. I like that. I like that a lot. Colin can do a pull-up. There it is.
Starting point is 00:54:25 We've been working for months, and yeah, Colin's achieved it. He's done it twice now. It's not a fluke. Colin can do a pull-up. All right. Very nice. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Yeah, it's a big deal. And fuck you, Chiz. We worked for months on that. It's not just puberty. Well. I'm getting some feedback from someone oh or no it stopped okay
Starting point is 00:54:54 that's really good for Colin pull ups are not easy people know it was like the reason he couldn't get his next level bracelet, which is like a karate belt. And now he should get it. So we'll have to have him test and see what he can do.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Yeah, that's good. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that scene from Black Panther, frankly. Oh, it's terrible. You just know that like while they were shooting that, some of the black actors had to be like, you're fucking shitting me? You want me to ook at him?
Starting point is 00:55:35 That's what I'm saying. There's lots of black people on set. There's black people all over this thing. And none of them saw how inappropriate ooking, ooking, like a gorilla words there's one scene where the guy poops in his hand and throws it
Starting point is 00:55:51 I had it for a fraction of a second he was like no because this movie is pg-13 they couldn't show that extended cut where the poop No, because this movie is PG-13. They couldn't show that. Extended cut where the poop throwing happens. Yeah, I thought that was a little odd when that
Starting point is 00:56:11 happened as well. It was late at night. Does Bilbo ever get any lines in or is he like, I've got a chance to... And they're like, ah, ah, ah! He really doesn't get very many lines in. He's constantly getting interrupted and kind of ran over. He gets shot a quarter of the way through the film,
Starting point is 00:56:29 but they use some Wakandan magic to fix it. They put a little bead in. Do you think the movie theater's opening night for Black Panther were loud? No, I bet everyone was very respectful. No one was speaking during the film. There was no hooping or hollering. And no violence outside the theater either. I'm sure that everything was peaceful, quiet, and civilized.
Starting point is 00:56:56 I mean, that would have been my take, too. I don't think there's been violence at a movie theater since that pink-haired guy shot people at... Oh, was there jizz i didn't know there was a violent incident uh ever since that guy at the joker thing in like 08 or 09 i don't remember but yeah well i'm not saying there was a mass shooting at the black panther i'm just saying like i was just saying that's the last time i remember any kind of violence at the movie theaters well some pretty hardcore violence right like you know
Starting point is 00:57:25 that was he he went in shooting and killed a whole bunch of people dressed as the joker i wonder what that guy's doing right now in prison hopefully oh he's absolutely in prison uh although i saw him with ice poseidon the other day he's going by sam pepper now and uh he was he was planning some kind of an RV trip. No, Sam Pepper looks so much like that guy. He's got the red, like orangish red hair going on now. It's a little disturbing. Kyle, don't you think the RV trip might be a little fun? No.
Starting point is 00:57:59 I mean, I could see you going on the RV trip. You don't have to be Ice Poseidon's whack pack. You know, you would obviously conduct yourself in a way that distinguishes you from the whack pack. But you could be in the show. It'd be fun. Go on an adventure. No, no, it absolutely would not. I've been to all of those states in a nice car, calling the shots myself.
Starting point is 00:58:26 I certainly don't want to be – for those who don't know, I mentioned that he would invite me on the next RV trip, and I will have to be declining because that sounds like a dreadful, dreadful time. It has much less to do with ICE and much more to do with like – The posse. – everyone else who's coming along on that trip. They are some abominable people. They are.
Starting point is 00:58:48 That's the thing. Let me allow me to interrupt. The life's best experiences are often filled with discomfort at the time. Right. That's why hiking can be cool. That's why sailing across the ocean can be cool. Taking an RV trip with these crazy people might be something that you cling on to. You're more than welcome to see if you can squeeze onto that RV and sleep on the floor
Starting point is 00:59:12 and hope that there isn't any more sewage leaking this time. But I will be taking a hard pass on this one. I've been to all those states. And, you know, like the people are around eyes minus like i i like sam sam seems like a a nice guy who's like who puts in as much to the show as he takes out but there are just so many leeches and whores um i i you know i'd come back with herpes uh you know you don't i mean it's No. It's not required fucking. Wow. I would love to watch you on the stream just because I know how uncomfortable you would look during all of that.
Starting point is 00:59:55 Sitting there, I would love it. Just seeing you like, biting your teeth, like sucking through your teeth. Just, oof. Okay. No, I'd play it up. I'd pretend like I was enjoying myself. I'd have a good time. But I'd pretend like I was having a good time. But I would just hate it.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Do you take one brake check on that RV where people are flying around? And I'd be like, I'm getting off. I'm not going to crack my head on the side of this fucking stove while it's on and you're heating soup because somebody, you know, or because the driver goes and then you run into a median or some shit like that like it was surprising to me like how i
Starting point is 01:00:32 watched some of the clips shiz provided and like some of the driving looked legitimately dangerous it was yeah like oh my god like this this is if i saw this rv careening like down the road into a parking spot i would like feel they feel almost a necessity to call someone. I was watching his stream the other night, and he was sort of interviewing girls to come on the trip. And one of them just pulls her titties out right there on the YouTube stream. And I was like, oh, don't show your fucking titties. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:01:00 He's trying to cover the titties and everything. And just real skanks. Did she make the cut? I think so. What do you think, Chiz? The titties were terrible? They were okay. They were small titties, but they were symmetrical.
Starting point is 01:01:19 Chiz is having a lot of judgy words for this poor young woman who just wanted some attention. Chiz has some high standards. I'm going to try to find the image of this girl. First of all, I thought she was cute. She looked like a real bitch. And she's a real skank, absolutely. But she's pretty. She's got some nice titties. She can't leave California?
Starting point is 01:01:42 Because she can't do hours without weed, huh? She can't do hours without weed huh she can't do hours without weed and she needs to bring yeah that's uh yeah that's ice's uh ice's rule though of course and and good one uh he was like there's no weed allowed no weed allowed on the bus um you know you get off the bus in the legal states and you can you can smoke if you want but there's going to be zero weed on this bus smart don't want to get in trouble with that and so yeah very smart because you know as he said on the last trip there were like two ounces of weed on that bus as they but they were driving through all legal states right all up the west coast is
Starting point is 01:02:19 is a hundred percent you know um can you even with legal, can you drive with that much pot in your car? Like, just around in legal states? I think that the situation would be like what Willie Nelson used to do back in the day. Everybody would claim a little of it. He'd have like 50 people on his tour bus and a pound of weed, and they'd get stopped
Starting point is 01:02:39 and everybody would be like, we each have a quarter ounce of that. So that nobody would get in any real trouble or whatever. But yeah, Chiz makes a good point. It's in a bag that says Willie. I've been foiled. It's got a return address.
Starting point is 01:02:59 I'm going to try to... I want your opinion of this young lady. Let me try to find... Yeah, Chiz, grab the... Chiz is using a lot of derogatory language about this woman's pancake tits, as he says. But you're also using Trumpian language, Chiz. Pancake tits, they're terrible.
Starting point is 01:03:17 Ask anyone. A lot of smart people, a lot of good people say these are pancake tits. I don't think the tits come out in this clip. Oh my god. Did you find it? Well, no. This is her talking about aborting three babies.
Starting point is 01:03:33 She's talking about aborting three babies? Yeah. We can watch that clip. There's no titties on there. Which was the titty show? She's the aborter. The abor-tinator. The abor-tinator. You think you have a chance at life, not with me. Your lives your life's come second to my convenience and those are the titties so he's all in black okay yeah are you guys hitting play already are
Starting point is 01:04:13 we waiting all right so i was waiting on you so the top video is her talking about her abortions these are the girls who are being auditioned to come on the rv uh the bottom image is her flashing her titties now first let's talk about the titties. I give these titties a strong seven. I think these look like firm titties. She's got those tiny little brown nipples, which I think are hot. They're symmetrical, you know?
Starting point is 01:04:40 I mean, they're being pulled a little askew, maybe, by her top, you know? But it looks like her top you know but it looks like this is being far too harsh right yeah yeah she said they look like deflated brown balloons like like like kelly kapoor's party on the office like like one of those little balloons that's scattered right no no i think those are sexy titties and uh and there's nothing wrong with those let's get a little little little anyway they're not hairy either you can tell so let's watch this video i am uh i'm viewed at zero on this video called ice finds his perfect match
Starting point is 01:05:16 and three two one play And three, two, one, play. So what's happening with the last three? You aborted. Can I say something? Triple home with that. You aborted three babies? I have. What? Wait, how do you get pregnant four times? I'm telling you, these guys, they do it and they're like, hee hee.
Starting point is 01:05:38 I'll be like. What do you mean? No. You tell them I can, let me put on a condom. That shit hurted. Or something. Wait, wait. Wait, I don't like you hold on you can stay tonight Classy Jesus Christ, you know, did you notice that she referred to it as triple homicide?
Starting point is 01:06:04 I thought I thought that was funny. I mean, that was pretty funny. I thought it was a little funny, but it was also one of the... Not classy. Not classy. That is one of the most skanky, white trash... Like, look. I'm not looking down on abortion.
Starting point is 01:06:23 That's not what's happening here. I'm looking down on the kind of person who would braggadociously bring up the number of abortions that they had had. How many abortions are too many abortions? Look, there's no such thing as too many abortions. There's only a such thing as too few abortions. So what's your response if she'd said seven? Septuple homicide.
Starting point is 01:06:51 Again, the issue is that she's bragging about them. She shouldn't be talking about them at all, but any amount of any more, three is too many, and bragging about three is outrageous. I feel like she's joking about three, notgging to me and the other thing is i almost understood her when she goes
Starting point is 01:07:12 the thing is you have these guys they do it and they're like teehee now she needs to seize control of her fertility right that's she's making a mistake in trusting guys that aren't trustworthy, but I can almost sympathize with the whole guys are like, ah, sorry. There's injections, there's a patch, there's a pill, there's an IUD, there are condoms, there are diaphragms,
Starting point is 01:07:41 there's finding a guy who will actually pull out, although that doesn't fucking work most of the time. And you can sympathize with her? She's a moron. That's a dumb skank right there. That's a dumb skank with no respect
Starting point is 01:07:56 for human life. Again, I'm wrong. What kind of guys is she hanging out with that she's like, hey, you know how we fucked last month well i'm pregnant and they go teehee and they hang up like i know what you're saying in uh texas i don't know if it is in tennessee probably is in tennessee yeah fool me once you're not going to fool me again. That's a W impersonation.
Starting point is 01:08:25 You guys don't get it. Yeah, I don't know. Guys, she's trusting the wrong guys. Clearly, that's happening. But I feel for her in that guys are being assholes. How can you feel for that thing? Ugh.
Starting point is 01:08:40 She's scum. She's scum. Pretty scum. And they scum. Pretty scum. And they deserve to be treated better. Chiz is also coming in hot. This is a very sexist stance coming from Woody. Because if that was a guy who was like, you know, sometimes that is. Just blow a load on bitches.
Starting point is 01:09:00 You know, I'm paying for the abortion. And if, you know, it's going to happen one way or another. You'd be like, ah, that's a little fuck, dude. You should be wearing a condom. But because it's a pretty girl, you're just like, teehee. You're right when you're right. When you're right, you're right.
Starting point is 01:09:16 Yeah. Well, let's look at an individual on the opposite side of the political spectrum. This gentleman, Brian Kemp, from my home state of Georgia, he's running for governor. And you might think when we watch this video that, well, this guy's a long shot, right? He's not going to be the governor. His opponent is equally insane because he's a Republican opponent. And the Democrat has no shot. His Democrat is so far left
Starting point is 01:09:46 that she has no shot. And she's in like a... The Republicans are on a race to the right, and the Democrats are on a race to the left. The Republicans are going to win because this is Georgia. Watch this guy's fucking campaign ad. I am cued at zero.
Starting point is 01:10:01 I am ready for grand camp. Three, two, one, play. I'm so conservative, I blow up government spending. That was fake as fuck. No one's taking away. My chainsaw's ready to rip up some regulations. I got a big truck, just in case I need to round up criminal illegals and take them home myself. Yeah, I just said that.
Starting point is 01:10:31 I'm Brian Kemp. If you want a politically incorrect conservative, that's me. So Brian Kemp there. Yeah, I just said that. Brian Kemp has a deportation truck. And you might think, well, his opponent is probably going to see reason, right? Nope. His opponent has a deportation bus.
Starting point is 01:10:55 And you can go to deportationbus.com and find out where it is right now. Because it's touring the state. It's touring the state. And he's going to round up all the illegals in his bus, and he's going to get them out. Out, out, out. Deportationbus.com. I need to find this if this is a thing.
Starting point is 01:11:13 One of these gentlemen will soon be the governor of the great state of Georgia. Well, you know. Why would the Democrat run to the left? Because there's two Democrats and two Republicans. There's two ladies who are the Democratic candidates, and they're both named Stacey. And it's become very racially charged.
Starting point is 01:11:36 There's black – they call them Black Stacey and White Stacey. And there's a lot of racial stuff getting thrown back and forth between them. And they're sort of racing to the left, who is more of a left candidate. Not only will we not have a deportation bus, all Mexicans are welcome in Georgia. No, no, no, it's not good enough. All Hondurans as well are welcome here. It's like, damn, I've been foiled. Free money for all.
Starting point is 01:12:08 We're going to abort the babies whether they want it or not. Mandatory abortions. Punta Prego. That's our campaign. Punta Prego. Vote for me to see your society spiral into degeneracy. But yeah i i just couldn't see
Starting point is 01:12:27 myself uh i i wouldn't like to go on that trip i'd like to do something with ice and i'm sure i will someday but i'd like to do something where he comes to me with a limited crew of people and i have a few people and we do a thing a competition would be fun sort of a reality show like spoof thing kind of like like the Fear Factor thing, but maybe, you know, something... What kind of competitions are entering your head for the Kyle Crew versus the Ice? And that's what it would be, right?
Starting point is 01:12:54 You know, it would be something funny like that. Something like Wipeout. Some kind of a physical slash mental slash challenging competition. Something funny. Something fun that was segmented and well produced and all the above. Double Dare 2000. Yeah, something fun that was segmented and well-produced and all the above. Double Dare 2000? Yeah, something like that. But what I don't like is the idea of just living on an RV with a bunch of degenerates who are...
Starting point is 01:13:16 I mean, some of those people are just horrible human beings. Mexican Andy is just such a scumbag. Oh, we talked about him. He's the one with the... I saw a picture. I was wrong about Mexican Andy's acne. All of the images I had seen made it look like he had these little surface pimples that, to me, are indicative
Starting point is 01:13:33 of someone who just doesn't wash. And he's admitted recently, he's like, I don't wash. I don't care about my acne. I'm successful. I don't need to worry about it. I saw his chest and his back in the in an image and they need that same cure that they used in game of thrones for grayscale he needs samwell tarley to peel off the top layer of his skin and apply some fucking ointment because
Starting point is 01:14:00 i i would take grayscale over what that motherfucker has. It is bad. He has a plague of this deep-seated, nasty acne all over his chest where they're touching. Like each pimple is touching the other. And they're like pimples on pimples. And it's so gross and so overgrown that it's just disgusting. It's awful. It's awful. that it's just disgusting. It's awful. It's awful.
Starting point is 01:14:25 I saw on the, uh, on PKA's subreddit that someone took great umbrage with your skincare advice. I'm sure you read that one, too, where they were like, Kyle said all he needs to do is this, but actually benzoyl peroxide or whatever the fuck it is,
Starting point is 01:14:41 that's just, you know, for slight things. This guy would need xyz and you actually can't wash your face twice a day because then it'll produce more oil and it was like this guy this is a true blue expert in the acne field i i must have offended a an amateur dermatologist or something like that yeah it's weird the things that people get upset about it's like you know we're doing a comedy show here right just You know, I don't know what he needs to do with his fucking acne. I wash my face and take some prescriptions occasionally and everything works out, right?
Starting point is 01:15:12 I exfoliate and use a handful of products. That guy needs to do, I don't know. How old is that guy, Mexican Andy? Fucking 21, 22 or something. I don't know. 19. 19, Chiz says. Okay, so he's at an age where acne can still be hitting you like a bus.
Starting point is 01:15:28 So it'll probably, in a few years, at least kind of go away. I'd rather get hit by a bus than have that acne he's got. You think? Yeah. Yeah. That heal. No, you would go into, you would get surgery or some shit. Like, I don't even know how that would combat it, but I'm sure they have something. Yeah, I would get the or some shit like i don't even know how you would that would combat
Starting point is 01:15:45 it but i'm sure they have something yeah i would get i would i would get the accutane or right like i would i would i would try to get accutane for it if i had something that serious uh it's so disgusting and and he's he's clearly wants to get laid like like we we taylor and i have yeah well i mean he really wants to though like he's trying he's trying hard, I think is what I mean. Like, you know, we all... You know, there's points in your life where you're really hunting down the pussy, as it were. You're going full Morgan Freeman on it, right?
Starting point is 01:16:16 You're just... Anywhere you can get it, you're just after it. You're in full hunter mode. And then there's times when you're more... You're busy living or getting busy dying. You're busy living more getting busy dying yeah so you're on he's on the he's in that mode of his life right now on the pussy he is he is on pussy prowl and and coming up netting zero uh like just getting nothing and he's got he's really creepy you know you and i endlessly mocked his bed in the last pkn his pathetic bed it's it it just didn't cross my
Starting point is 01:16:47 mind like i was thinking it was probably part of his like character or whatever because i may be given too much credit to this you know you know group of individuals hanging out with with ice but it was just like the bed wasn't made and it was just on the floor like on a dirty floor and it's like god that makes me sad it was like uh i i i was the beds in jail were just a little bit worse than his bed his bed sucked it was terrible it was terrible and he's got it out there on display for like on his live stream so is he doing well though in live streaming like there's one that's doing... Who's the most successful ice leech?
Starting point is 01:17:29 Well, some of them have transcended leechhood, right? And now I would refer to them as contributors. I think Sam Pepper does very well, and he contributes. He gives back as much as he takes, definitely, in my opinion. But they all make... If you go on there and you stream with eyes, you make a couple grand in a day or a couple grand over the course of two days
Starting point is 01:17:51 or something like that. Like Mexican Andy is, he acts like he's very successful, but he's just very successful for Mexican Andy. I think what's happening is I'm mixing up Mexican Andy with Asian Andy because I'm not a hardcore fan. Well,
Starting point is 01:18:08 here's the difference. I can only imagine where this is going. Asian Andy, Asian. And Mexican Andy, Mexican. Well, I don't know how you keep them straight, quite frankly. Well, Mexican Andy is also the one who looks like he got
Starting point is 01:18:23 shot with an acne gun oh like an acting machine gun yes he got looks like he got dick cheney let's watch this little clip i am cute at zero you guys just let me know when you're ready i'm sure chiz is is this uh i'm ready anytime mexican andy explaining his facial routine it is all right i'm ready too. 3, 2, 1, play. Ah, this is a man in pain that's actually pretty sad first of all he's got so much for a guy who doesn't care about himself at all he's added so much base onto that microphone that it's clear that he's not a real person anymore. You're not a fucking
Starting point is 01:19:26 late night advertisement Mexican Andy. Look at what you did to me. You can't even keep it straight now. He's added so much bass to that microphone. We've heard him in real life on streams, coming through cell phone audio and shit.
Starting point is 01:19:42 He's got a normal, maybe verging on more high-pitched than low-pitched kind of voice. And he's added a very white level of bass to that microphone. And it comes in all chocolatey smooth. And it's just
Starting point is 01:19:58 so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. I don't like that guy. You can tell he's playing up. I don't give a fuck about myself anymore. But it is kind of sad. I mean, I also don't know the extent of his antics like you. Yeah, he's a bad guy. He's a real bad guy.
Starting point is 01:20:13 I'm sitting here watching Chiz say, I feel nothing for that sad sack of terrible leechness. He's a shitty human being. Whew. Dude, if you guys think that any of the stuff we say is mean. You should read the shit Chiz is writing the entire show where we'll like be like, you know, this person seems kind of like a no good Nick. And Chiz will be like, you know, what they should do is murder themselves and their family. And it's like, Jesus Christ, Chiz. Yeah, it's because Chiz and I and maybe chis to a greater extent certainly to a great extent we watch like almost on a nightly basis the ice thing like like everybody on my discord middies discord
Starting point is 01:20:53 seems to like have it playing and they're all like watching it and commenting on it and stuff and and i'll be i'll be watching tv in the other room or playing a game or something and i'll i'll look on there and sort of scroll up and see what everyone's saying. And they're all watching the ice show and seeing what's going on. It's not that I think what Chiz is saying is especially harsh. It's that I feel like he is one of many in the Purple Army who is battering. You can hear everything through that door. My door is open.
Starting point is 01:21:29 Let me just shut it. Hold on, let's fight. That's okay. That motel spent all of its budget on that beautiful bedspread over there. They couldn't afford locks for the door. And plus, who's breaking in? Yeah, if I'm a burglar
Starting point is 01:21:44 or a robber, I'm not stopping at the shithole in to steal somebody's used crack pipe. No, someone got dissolved in the bathtub of that room. Not in the bathtub, though. Remember Breaking Bad? I'd be going
Starting point is 01:21:58 in all those plastic tubs and I'd have a perfectly good bathtub upstairs. Depends what kind of bathtub it is, right? If you've got a porcelain bathtub, you're all good. It's the plastic liner that got the best of poor Jesse. That was...
Starting point is 01:22:12 I'd have burned the house down, right? It is, like, super rain out there. Yeah, because you're about to not be in Kansas anymore when that shitty motel gets torn out of the ground. Oh, my God, you're in Kansas in a thunderstorm? I literally... Dear god. I don't talk to you much anymore.
Starting point is 01:22:32 But this is the day. I'm calling in the favor. It's tornado season right now, so it's probably windy as shit. Fucking bring it! Oh, what if a wall just... Like it ripped away and then oh man this would be tornado pka the best pka ever woody starts quickly putting his paramotor gear on he's like
Starting point is 01:22:53 i can't fight this door i've got to go with it yeah but then a telephone pole just cuts him right in half and that's the show that's the show show. We do this. All right, remember to check out Smart Mouth and Dollar Shave Club. He's raising the show high quality. They'll cut you in half just like Woody just was. They're cutting high prices in half just like Woody was just.
Starting point is 01:23:21 The prices are spiraling downward. Smited by the Lord himself. Upward. Yeah, people don't know. I'm in Kansas right now. There's a paramotor and paraglider event. I've been free-flying. I've been motor-flying.
Starting point is 01:23:35 I've been flying all over the place. It's been a blast. Good times. That's good. Did anybody else get grievously injured? No. So far, all the accidents have been expensive and hilarious and not tragic and painful. Damn. Well, I mean, let us know if someone dies because that would be fine.
Starting point is 01:23:57 I don't want to say I'm disappointed. No one's died at the Endless Foot Drag for almost a year now. Almost a year. Yeah, they had to change venues i think i mentioned this to pkn because uh someone died in the last endless foot drag but not this year yet yeah well let us know um because that's that's entertaining yeah i i'm hoping nobody dies at all uh there haven't even been any grievous injuries just some hilarious crashes my friend got a good crash we've been teasing him about it not even equipment damage the guy from uh that got stuck in a tree yeah yes i wasn't counting that crash so i guess technically two crashes if you want to be uh you know nitpicky about it but the
Starting point is 01:24:47 other one he was doing a trick where you turn around and you put your wing on the ground but you're turning so much that you don't uh you don't crash into the ground but the way he does it you do crash into the ground yeah and yeah he's okay that's good funny i mean we don't want your friend to die but like if some someone you don't like or a stranger you know if something horrible happens to them like like if like the cover that keeps you out of the fan were to come off and they were to somehow get sucked into their own paramotor at least partially oh man and then bits of them are then sprayed upon the crowd. I want to know about that. What if we tone it down a little bit, right?
Starting point is 01:25:29 And they just get their head in there and have some sort of paramotor-induced male pattern baldness? That's much more Daffy Duck and much less Saw. Yeah. I'm looking for Elmer Fudd meets Nightmare on elm street i i want it to be hilarious and bonkers but also tragic uh we were doing this thing my friend and i we spiral down but in symmetry so the wings are kind of like next to each other as we go around. And the risk is that the wings get tangled up together.
Starting point is 01:26:08 And it turns out, and my friend reminded me of this. He's a more experienced and better pilot than me. That if your wing gets tangled up, the way it works is whoever throws the reserve parachute first wins. That's the person who like who shoot works and the other person i guess because they don't descend fast enough doesn't get a reserve shoot so you have to like decide at what point you stop trying to like fly the wings and save yourself immediately like him like that's, so that's. Immediately.
Starting point is 01:26:47 It would be like that, that Rick and Morty where they have, they like get their times like snapped apart and they're wearing the collars and everything and Rick's like,
Starting point is 01:26:57 oh, you know what he's trying to do? He's going to kill us, Morty. Oh, the alternate means he's trying to kill us right now and he starts making his own thing to like kill the other one. I would be on a race to get my parachute out like oh we're getting a little little little wavy here as soon as the first sign show i don't want i like him well you like
Starting point is 01:27:16 yourself the most though right i'm older compared to how much you like him how much do you like him. How much do you like you? Doesn't come close, does it? I don't like anyone nearly as much as I like me. Not even fucking close. No one else is in the ballpark. Uh-uh. Not in the same state. It's all about the head honcho over here.
Starting point is 01:27:41 I don't care if pulling that reserve chute means my paramotor is going to crash into a school for the blind and and and it's gonna like somehow rube goldberg gets way from student to student chopping them to bits and burning final destination or something yeah i i don't understand why we both like if we're tangled together don't we both just use the reserve that works it seems I'm not taking that chance I'm pushing
Starting point is 01:28:10 whoever it is off shoot him with the flare gun make sure that you should have checked your pack yeah I'm not an airman so I don't quite understand the science of it but if only one of us is making it out of this death spiral, as I'm sure it's called, it's going to be me. It's going to be me.
Starting point is 01:28:33 I would not hesitate. I'm filming this for posterity and the views. I'd love to see that video title. Bill dies. Bill dies. Bill dies. Am I to blame? Like a 28 minute video at the end, Bill dies. There's 37
Starting point is 01:28:56 ads. Fucking monetize the shit out of Bill's death. All proceeds go to the Woody's Gamer Tag New Wing Foundation. Wait a minute, isn't Bill's family need some of that money? He was an electrician, right? This goes into the Northeast Sunroom Fund.
Starting point is 01:29:16 I don't want to walk 30 yards between sunrooms. We don't have any sunrooms on that part of the house. Just a porch. There you go. Shit. Go fund me. Go fund me.
Starting point is 01:29:33 I can hear Sarah McLachlan music in the background. In the arms up. And Woody's looking sad, standing in the shadows in his non-sunroom, like, western side of his home. That would be a good way to do it. The inverse of Sarah. Dude, you would make way more money if you did like Sarah McLachlan's thing, but it just showed you with a gun in a room full of dogs tied up. And you said, for every thousand dollars I receive, I won't kill one of these dogs. And then you're going to make money hand over fist.
Starting point is 01:30:02 You're going to have to do it from a remote location because I don't know how legal this is to murder dogs on the internet for money. I would do the same thing with cats, but no one would pay. You can have my URL, puppystompers.org. I'm not doing anything with it anymore. That fell through. Okay.
Starting point is 01:30:19 I don't want to stop. You know what? Yeah, I'll have to stomp it. Up the ante a bit. Yeah. Make it live. Yeah. I love that like uh i'll pick like a shitty dog breed they'll all be pit bulls so i'm really saving lives um you're
Starting point is 01:30:32 not gonna make any money that way i i mean how much do i pay to to shoot two of them well that's how it works changed it is now a thousand dollars and i will kill a dog. I'm going to give you $300 and you get a collateral. You know that. What do you got there, an 870? Yeah, that'll do it. That's a lot of stuff. I give him 500 bucks, he just cuts off a leg and lets it suffer. You remember that story from last week of this lady who got killed by apparently like seven dachshunds?
Starting point is 01:31:04 Yes. of this lady who got killed by apparently like seven dachshunds yes yeah and she was there was a huge amount of fake news about this story because they said oh it's it's uh dachshunds and they're like oh that's odd because they don't they don't tend to murder people and then they're like well they're mixed like mixed with what like people, pitbull? Pitbull? It's like, oh, you mean the dog that does all the violence? Like, the shitty one that was bred to dogfight? Like, yeah, of course. It's not nearly as cute of a death to imagine if you picture those steam shovel pitbull jaws
Starting point is 01:31:39 closing on him. Yeah, this is why we need pit bull control. Like Chiz always says, we need purebred dogs and purebred people. What does he always say? Sighile? Something like that. I don't know what that means.
Starting point is 01:31:58 Chiz just types HH in the chat a lot, and I don't know what that means. Or 88. I see that on all of his social media profiles. 88, 88, 14 words. If you saw the things Chiz is actually writing, it's not
Starting point is 01:32:14 far from what Taylor and Kyle are saying. We're only exaggerating like 5%. That's true. Yeah. Chiz sings these little songs for us when we game and they offend me they they offend me he he says some he says some things what's uh chis's best song his his number one hit do you think you don't have to sing it just the title just so we can get a feel for the kind of music you guys he's he's putting on black is whack kill them all okay see i think right from the start i know what this song
Starting point is 01:32:51 is about yeah i'm getting a vibe too is it a funny song i don't laugh no no does no one really does everyone just sort of everyone just sits there uncomfortable everyone just sort of like you know there's often some like some some some shocked uh exasperated uh shrieks from from the three or four of us that are that are listening to them we're all usually usually taken off guard because they aren't prompted by anything. We're literally just sitting there playing a game and then we're being serenaded with hate.
Starting point is 01:33:31 Are these all race serenades or does he branch out a bit? It's almost exclusively about race. It's almost... I don't think there's... Oh god. I think there's a K in Sp, God. Yeah, he's...
Starting point is 01:33:45 I think there's a K in Spick. But, yeah, he's... He goes to town, man. I think there's a K. I thought that looked right. I don't even know. I don't even know. I don't want to know. We shouldn't know, right? Like...
Starting point is 01:34:07 He wrote all those words but he wouldn't spell out that. Why? It makes it even worse. Like the fact that he could say those others and he won't even say that. It's like that John Mulaney bit where he's like, saying midget is like saying the N word. It's like, no, it's not.
Starting point is 01:34:33 You know how I know that? Because you wouldn't even say one of those words. And you'll say midget loud and proud. You know, like it's. I've seen two midget. So I'd gone like years without seeing a little person dwarf whatever and i've seen two in the last month at the same subway what so i'm gonna make a return there tomorrow and see if there's maybe like some sort of pilgrimage uh something that they go there. I don't know why, but small world.
Starting point is 01:35:05 And we'll see what they're up to. $5 foot long. This is like a week for me. He's in for a fucking week. I like that Woody's video is frozen with this look on his face. He may have been
Starting point is 01:35:23 blown away by the storm. That's great when his power went out. All right, Kyle and Taylor show episode one. Oh, man. It's a blast. The KT Power Hour featuring Chiz. Probably not featuring Chiz unless Chiz wants to come in and sing a song for us. Oh, this episode of KTP is being interrupted by a...
Starting point is 01:35:58 Hagrid. Coming in midstream. I hear... So, I hear you. That's funny. So I hear you. The camera's not back. The power just blinked out in this storm. For me, the lights just turned off and on. But the internet was off for whatever, 30 seconds.
Starting point is 01:36:16 And I don't know what to do about this camera. I'm sure it'll come back in a moment. Maybe clickety-click, clickety-clack. There you go, right? I did it. There we go. All right. Thank you. Thank you go, right? I did it. There we go. All right. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:36:27 Thank you for the tech support. I appreciate that. I do all the tech support on the show these days. It's pretty much all me. That's why the audio is the way it is. I do a lot behind the scenes. I set up all the ads. I deal with all the sponsors. I contact
Starting point is 01:36:43 the guests and arrange for them to come. I do all the audio and video tech now. That's why it's so improved as of late. Chiz basically is here. He's the race relations branch of PKA. Woody is the airman branch of PKA.
Starting point is 01:37:02 That's how we've restructured things. I'm just here. Apparently. Can we talk about the Hangout? Yeah, sure. What about it? So we have a Hangout coming up. And I mentioned, whatever, a couple of weeks ago, that it might be a neat idea if during part of the Hangout I flew.
Starting point is 01:37:24 There's this free flight competition thing going on. and i'm really not i'm torn right because when we have a guest a patreon a patron on the hangout and they're doing something it's really interesting to me like they're on the subway there's bystanders looking like they're crazy etc and i think it's cool on the other hand i mentioned it to kyle and he's like yeah i'll be going to the avengers movie don't talk and and i obviously what he was getting out there was maybe i wouldn't be giving my full attention to the hangout and i'm not i'm a little taylor how do you feel on this would it be neat to be milling about the flying and seeing the other para nerds because if like they're obviously wanting to be able to speak with you so if they're able to converse and you're able to talk back
Starting point is 01:38:13 then i i don't see a problem with it uh if not though and it's just flying and you're not able to engage with them then i would i would see if they were like i I have it set. I'll have a front facing camera pointing up at me and the wing with a microphone and a headset in air. I got it all worked out. Or something like that's what I'm imagining. I don't think so. I have a wind noise and I regularly do paramotor commentary. And if I turn the motor off, the audio audio is great but there'll be no motor in this case when i say give it a go at first if you get up there and they can't hear you
Starting point is 01:38:49 then yeah a flight won't last and take the back take it off yeah things like four hours long and if i'm awesome 20 minutes we'll be flying so i i i think i've changed my mind on this because it's not like the alternative is you back at your home studio with gigabit internet. The alternative is you in the motel, a little sketchy as well, or in a truck or something. So might as well get you up in the air. I mean, we might get to see what we've all been waiting on. A crash. A crash.
Starting point is 01:39:21 Or like a bird impact. Oh, my God, if a bird hit you. Dude, a bird impact oh my god if a bird hit you oh dude my friend that that's crashed twice so far this trip has also been attacked by a bird they warned us on the radio they said hey mama hawk is to the east of the launch and by the way i never know where the fuck east is unless i'm at home and and you know don't fly over there well you know he was finding lift there and he thought the birds really attack like 24 square meter paragliders turns out they do and the bird was like hovering above him making scary bird noises like going after him scary bird noises yeah so he started spiraling down and runs away because this is a brand new wing and it's borrowed and he doesn't want to buy it.
Starting point is 01:40:08 It turns out he's buying it. Another guy who's not with us but on the same radio frequency as us goes up, also heads over to Mama Bird. But he doesn't, like, spiral out of the way. Instead, Mama Bird starts going after him, which as we've covered. Cool! And he just slowly glides away. Well, Mama Bird's not putting up with slow gliding away shit. And you hear him on the radio like, I'm being attacked by a bird.
Starting point is 01:40:34 What am I supposed to do? And they're like, get out of there. You know, spiral down, speed bar, leave. And – but I think he maybe wasn't that advanced a pilot so he just steers away and the bird attacks him takes out a chunk of wing then he's like oh there's a big hole in my wing there's a big hole and my friend who just successfully ran away from the bird is like spiral spiral get out of there and he's like i'm just gonna stay on speed bar and see if I can outrun it. Outrun a bird? We're slow as fuck.
Starting point is 01:41:07 Anyway, the bird comes down. Bam. Now I've got two holes in my wing. And it's not there. I'm not having this. This is when you pull out the.44 Magnum with a rat shot. And just fucking dirty hair that bitch. Your.410 governor oh yeah the bird is above your wing and you only
Starting point is 01:41:29 your view of it like comes and goes because it's a big fabric thing you can't see around it and but you know you just get these peaks at it and it's screaming at you and it comes down and then it it attacks your wing and apparently it's gotten... It's attacked like 10 wings this year. It's in the last county. I don't support shooting. It's tired of you colonizers taking the airspace that they rightfully own. Yeah, if colonizers ever come to your neck of the woods, kill them. I mean, it's the way to go.
Starting point is 01:42:03 There's evidence around here that the way to go but yeah there's uh evidence around here vikings came to this area there are like remains and stuff and uh and they they started to colonize it's oklahoma which surprised me and they found some like triangulated like viking something or other and uh the native american indians killed the vikings so they just never like took hold and i was like you know not a bad move right if they had gotten that done in jamestown or plymouth rock or something things might have turned out differently and the instructor i was with was like yeah you're right kill off the vikings good move. I'm not sure if that's accurate. No, Kyle, that sounds totally right.
Starting point is 01:42:50 Kyle, I mean, he was really good at kiting. Sounds like ancient. Right after ancient aliens, Oklahoma Vikings, followed by Bigfoot, the unexplored adventures. I didn't think that. Come back next week when we have the Romans in Canada show. I just don't know if the Vikings would make it that far inland. I've read and seen on television that the Vikings visited North America much, much earlier than Columbus, for example, though, of course.
Starting point is 01:43:17 But Oklahoma was pretty deep in there, right? You know, I thought the same thing. I guess I just have a lot of respect for the guy that said it, so I was apt to believe anything. Oklahoma might not be as impressive, but not from Vikings, Swedish scholar says. Ah, well, if he's Swedish, then he should know. He knows all about the Vikings.
Starting point is 01:43:40 And they definitely would not have stopped in Oklahoma. Would have kept going? That's what we were. This is well done, Chiz. Vikings in Kansas history gives me only sports-related results. Yeah. Are you sure he wasn't like, so the Vikings got there and the Chiefs hammered them. It was Oklahoma. It was the Cowboys year.
Starting point is 01:44:10 The Redskins came out of nowhere. The Texans were in the division, so the Cowboys just ran rampant on them. Oh, okay. This is history. Yeah, this is history. When do the Redskins come in? They never do well in the postseason. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:44:21 It's true. When do the Redskins come in? They never do well in the postseason. Anyway, I thought I... Out of respect, I choose to believe the fake news. Because he's a good instructor. I'm fine with that. But it...
Starting point is 01:44:41 Fake historical news. I don't know anything about bird law, because you guys are having a serious problem with these raptors in the air. I feel like maybe there's a coming right at us law that might allow one to return fire. You should absolutely be able to return fire. Well, not return fire, because they won't fire on you. Initiate and end the fire. There's a guy in the paramotor community his name is super del
Starting point is 01:45:07 shanze and he shot no he didn't shoot he kicked an owl which by the way to me was an impressive piece of flying right he chased down an owl on a paramotor and kicked it and i was rolling his eyes i saw the video he really we all saw the we all saw the video. He really did do it. We all saw the video. I just thought it was fucked up. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Yeah, well, okay. That's where I'm a little messed up here because I don't get why owls are so privileged, right?
Starting point is 01:45:34 We're shooting falcons. We kill hogs for sport. Yet owls, on the other hand, are what? Nature's favorite child? What makes owls so great? You know what? Owls and these military men. What's the big deal?
Starting point is 01:45:50 Right? Oh, you fought for our country. Oh, you're paralyzed now. Well, boo-hoo. What are you, an owl? I don't think so. Owls are regal and beautiful creatures. I'm not giving up
Starting point is 01:46:07 my seat, you owl. Owl spit on you. Kyle, you watched my video of the paratroopers? I remember when they came I heard about people spitting on soldiers when they came back from Nam. I spit on them when they came back from Iraq. Still do? I spit on a serviceman last week.
Starting point is 01:46:33 I just looked for anyone with one of those cool blade legs and then I aggressively accost them. Were you born like that or did something happen? Born like that? I'm so sorry. My taxes paid for your stub leg. You should salute me. Get a discount at AutoZone. Is that not enough? What if you only have one of those super blade legs that let you go fast so you can run really quickly but only in a circle? Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:47:01 Yes, I did see your video where you defended your stance, your anti-military stance. Wasn't this a pretty old video? This sounds familiar to me. I know Kyle's being hyperbolic, but was this a while ago? No, I made a video where I had a change of mind regarding the sacrifice that military people make. And I made a paramotor video about it like a week or two ago it sounds like kyle might have seen it i saw it and she's definitely
Starting point is 01:47:32 yeah anyway the greatest generation see them flying around with backpacks on ha they're all old and dead what do they know yeah well we're learning more and more bad things about that greatest generation with you know morgan freeman i hope that all comes out yes he's innocent but it doesn't seem like that's been the trend with these you really have that much good work left in him right i mean i feel like we've gotten all the movies from... He's 80. Morgan Freeman has already given us his good stuff. At this point, we can just lock him up next to Bill Cosby
Starting point is 01:48:11 and not miss a goddamn flick. There's new black people. Cuba Gooding Jr. is going to be the next great old black man. Morgan didn't get started until he was like 50, in his mid-late 50s, I think, with Driving Miss Daisy. I think he's still got some good movies left to go. I think he's talented.
Starting point is 01:48:31 He seems to be pretty spry. He did fall asleep during his Reddit AMA, which I thought was just cute. I thought that was hilarious. The man not at all. He didn't have someone there to shake him awake? I think that's what actually may have happened. Mr. Freeman.
Starting point is 01:48:47 Pussy, pussy. What, what? Lift that skirt up. I'll do it. He'll attempt to do it. He'll attempt to do it. Or put his hand on the small of your back. Or whatever the hell else Kyle was reading about.
Starting point is 01:49:01 I could go for that right now. Touching a woman on the small of her back? No, someone would rub my back. I could go for a little Morgan Freeman molesting. I'm a little sore. I've been on my feet. I don't think you're his type.
Starting point is 01:49:18 Well, I mean, I think that's racist. I've been... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh my god, this is what we're going to do now when I don't like one of your points. If I don't like what you're doing, I'm going to ook at you.
Starting point is 01:49:38 No, see, Taylor, this is why Sidney Crosby's actually a pussy. Oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop. I have... Sidney Crosby's actually a pussy. Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. They have a UFC Super Bowl. Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. I'll make this quick, but I saw George St. Pierre on the Joe Rogan podcast. And we've all seen Joe Rogan's kick and how powerful it is. And I always thought that maybe it was kind of a meme
Starting point is 01:50:08 that, you know, people from the outside looking in are blown away by it. But perhaps true martial artists are like... Like it's too hard for a comedian to do, but like not overwhelmingly. George St. Pierre is like, I wish I could do his French-Canadian accent. He's like, that is the most powerful blow I've ever seen a human deliver in real life.
Starting point is 01:50:29 He's like, you could kill someone with that kick. He's like, I've never seen anyone hit anything in any way as hard as when Joe Rogan kicks a bag with that 360 kick he does. And he's saying that to Joe and he's like have you ever you know used it in competition he's like oh yeah here's the video and they play the old video of Joe Rogan at 21 kicking the guy and the guy sails through the fucking air it's great it's great wow I was it was impressive to hear you know George St. Pierre say that uh to Joe and I'm sure Joe was happy to have him say that. He's like, we can go next door and I'll give you a refresher. And he's talking about the mechanics of the kick and everything.
Starting point is 01:51:12 It was interesting. Yeah. Joe Rogan is silly and a goofy guy. But I really, really like him overall. He just seems like he is the kind of guy you could sit down over a beer or something and just chit-chat for hours and hours about interesting stuff. And multiple times in that conversation, he'd be like, oh, we're talking about health? That reminds me of these brain pills that they get from Nepalese mushrooms.
Starting point is 01:51:38 You know, the guides in Nepal. It's like, you know, the poorest country on earth where they live to be like 31? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guides in Nepal actually discovered. It's like, discovered how to break free of Chinese influence. No, not that yet. This is good stuff, Taylor. He's almost steering.
Starting point is 01:51:59 Sorry, I keep interrupting you. It's cool. I'm not sure my mic is good enough to tell a story. But GSP told the story of his childhood bully. Did you see that part? keep interrupting you it's cool i'm not sure my mic is good enough to tell a story but uh gsp told the story of his childhood bully did you see that part no i skipped that i skipped over that sounds interesting it's pretty cool so there was this guy who bullied gsp relentlessly and it wasn't new school bullying where they like hurt his feelings they would punch him he would come home with black eyes he was bullied on the bus and gspSP wanted to be like him because GSP had a bunch of bullies.
Starting point is 01:52:29 He's actually a big outspoken anti-bullying guy now. But this guy was taller and he was good looking and he was three years older than GSP. So even though GSP studied martial arts, he just said like, look, there was no defending myself this guy was just so he was big he was strong he was a hockey player and he was out of his class anyway he saw him recently not like really recently like within the last couple of months and he was on the street and he was homeless and he came up to gsp and uh he asked him for money like without realizing who he was and he saw him and he was like whoa like you're you so he pulls over his car to the side of the road and now the situation's changed of course right gsp is a world champion two weight classes
Starting point is 01:53:18 obviously gsp can beat him up and the guy is concerned that he's going to exact his revenge the gsp is going to tell him sorry about this noise that uh just be not going to tell him he's going to kick his ass because now gsp is a world champion fighter well anyway he doesn't he gives him whatever he has in his uh pocket which is like a hundred dollars canadian though so i assume it's like fifteen dollars anyway yeah so uh he gives him a couple hundred dollars he's like what's wrong with you man like come on you can do better than this you're tall you're good looking you have so much potential in this french accent you have so much potential and uh he gives him like a little pep talk anyway a few weeks after that he goes to GSP's childhood home where his parents live. And he wants to thank him because now he has a job.
Starting point is 01:54:08 Now he has like a house and he's turned his life around because GSP gave him $100 in a pep talk. And another part I liked about it is he wasn't a perfect angel in that he gave him $100. But to GSP, that felt like revenge. It was like he didn't have to beat him up to get his revenge. It was maybe he didn't use these words but a demonstration of the disparity between GSP's
Starting point is 01:54:36 place in life and this guy's place in life. But he also gave him a pep talk and apparently the guy's doing better now because of it. It was a neat story it was great i like it sounds to me like if he turned his life around so significantly within a week sounds more like he took that hundred dollars bought a bottle of liquor and a hammer went and hammer murdered some guy with a nice house just moved himself in
Starting point is 01:54:57 i wonder how long that would work cuts well you know know, you always wonder, right? I think if you have their bank account and you pay the bills, nobody will notice, right? As long as you keep paying the bills. You can't go to their job or anything. You've got to call them and be like, this is Joe. You mean John? Yeah, John. I'm never coming back. I'm never coming back.
Starting point is 01:55:19 I feel like I'm going to die. Don't look into it. Yeah. It'll be like, oh, I'm dying and I'm dead. Click. Don't look into it. Yeah. Oh, I'm dying and I'm dead. Click. You know, like that scene from Unbreakable, right? You know, that's what that crazy psychopath was kind of doing. He had, like, broken into the house and, like,
Starting point is 01:55:35 killed the father and, like, tied up the girls to the radiator or whatever and he was just living there, right? Eating their food and just living in that house, using it as his home base or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, it was fucked. Yeah, it was crazy. He's like insane. He's up there like drinking malt liquor and just spitting it on them.
Starting point is 01:55:52 What a maniac. Good times. Now I'm really thinking about this. If you we'll go with the hammer murder theme since it's a growing epidemic all around the area. An S-twing. If you kill someone in their house We'll go with the hammer murder theme since it's a growing epidemic all around the area. An S-twing. Yeah. If you kill someone in their house or wherever and you have to subsume their life, or if you don't want to kill them, you watch a guy die and you steal his documents.
Starting point is 01:56:17 And then you're not – no one's a good person in this scenario, especially not you. And so how long can you do it? You don't have his bank account info you don't have his like personal info you're gonna be like scouring his house for documents and shit it will be hard to find i don't think it'll be that hard to find so all you need is like some basic information right and uh i feel like he'd have to live alone, first of all. Or you'd be like, and she'd be like, You just get her too, right? You've got all of his information. You've got his wallet.
Starting point is 01:56:50 You've got all of his materials. You can apply for credit cards in his name. You've got his bank account, presumably. As long as he's got enough of a nest egg built up, you can just live there indefinitely. Just keep paying the bills, and nobody will notice. As long as he's got enough of a nest egg built up, you can just live there indefinitely. Just keep paying the bills, and nobody will notice. I mean, if you're having to murder two people now,
Starting point is 01:57:13 like somebody's going to... Oh, at least two. Oh, at least two. There may be... At least two, okay. I mean, what happens when the grandparents come to visit for Tommy's birthday? This is now just a house for you to murder people who show up in, not so much trying
Starting point is 01:57:26 to survive in their life well we can't be quibbling over over spilt milk taylor where do you do you want to take this man's life and live in another man's skin or don't you i'm trying to get on what's that guy's name and sunny? The guy he's imitating. Brian Lefebvre. That's who it is. Brian Lefebvre. To get off. I am Vic Vinegar, head of security.
Starting point is 01:57:54 Vic Vinegar, head of security. That's the dumbest made-up name in any show. Vic Vinegar. We'll say there's Vic Vinegar and there's Hugh Honeycutt. And they're honey and vinegar. They work as a team. You gonna buy this house? How about I take your wife upstairs and teach her what it as a team. You gonna buy this house? How about I take your wife upstairs and teach her what it's like to be inside a really big house?
Starting point is 01:58:11 She can't handle the vinegar. Vic, Vic, save some of that. That's great. Okay, so you think you can survive indefinitely as long as you can tactfully murder everybody who shows up. Let's just say we do this to Woody, right? You know, hypothetically.
Starting point is 01:58:27 Nobody out there listening to this, right? Alright, you erase the whole gamer tag clan, right? You take the clan off the map. Let's just leave it at that. They are no more. And then you just assume Woody's life. Now, you and I might notice it
Starting point is 01:58:44 next Thursday that Woody's not on the show, but we'll be like, well, you know, he's not returning our calls. He texted me back some angry stuff. He cursed me out. He says he's done. We just move along. We just move along. You know, get Chiz to handle the payroll and, you know, get Wings back on the show and he'd take We could frame that aggressive neighbor wings back on the show. And he'd take, he'd be fat. We could frame that aggressive neighbor's dog for the burgers. There you go.
Starting point is 01:59:10 So, you know, you just take over Woody's life, right? And Woody's got a nest egg built up. It will indefinitely pay the tax, the property tax and the power bill and stuff, especially if you utilize the East Sun Room. You know, you don't have to turn the lights on all the time, folks. When you move in, you know, be eco-friendly when you take out the Gamertag clan, okay? You know, you can live there indefinitely.
Starting point is 01:59:35 Years would go past before one of their relatives would actually visit, right? How long would it be before someone showed up and, like, looked into you guys not returning phone calls, only texting back? Oh, surely they'd come around right away. Catch you.
Starting point is 01:59:53 You don't sound very confident. I think years would pass. You'd be living high on the hog over there. What do you get? This nice milk delivered all the time, produce, all that stuff comes right to his door. You don't care. You just add it. That milkman doesn't give a fuck. He'll put the tenth milk
Starting point is 02:00:10 jug right next to the other rotten nine. Oh, you're drinking his milk? You're drinking that delicious organic milk. You're drinking that Woody milk. Meanwhile, they're all rotten in the basement. Comes in glass jars. You'll like it. Yeah, it's cool. Tink.
Starting point is 02:00:25 That's a good idea. I'd get my fan mail. I'm just saying, it'd be a long time before anyone actually showed up and was like, where's Woody? You know, like it just wouldn't happen. It's probably screwed up. They wouldn't even think to use the tractor to bury the bodies. You don't need to. Nobody's going to be searching the house. I mean, if they come in and see you, the jig is up, right?
Starting point is 02:00:51 So you can just leave those bodies to rot wherever you wish. Pick a bedroom. There's dozens. I'm not letting bodies rot in the bedroom of the house I just stole. I have principles. Oh, yeah. You want to protect the resale value, do you? We're not living that long. This
Starting point is 02:01:07 game's going to run its course eventually. You know, I mean, at some point. It's a pretty big arsenal. I'm going to leave the bodies in the sunroom. This game's going to be over quick. Yeah, you don't leave them in the sunroom. You put them out in the barn. Bury the bodies behind the barn
Starting point is 02:01:23 with the tractor, make your way into the safe. Stand your ground. That's what I would do if I were to kill me. What if you burned the bodies after removing the hands, feet, and teeth, and then you collect the bones later, and then you could use some sort of, I'm sure Woody has a mushing or smashing or destroying mechanism in that workshop. The flail mower.
Starting point is 02:01:45 Oh, throw them in the flail motor. Oh, the flail motor. Well, what model is that flail motor? It's by Bush Hog. It's a flail mower, and it has 88 hammer chisels that beat grass into submission. They will not struggle over the supple body of a young boy. The whole Woody's Gamer Tag Clan can be just tossed into the bush hog flail mower. They'll be pulp.
Starting point is 02:02:14 And that grass will never have been greener afterwards. That grass doesn't even try to grow, it's so afraid, after you go with flail mower. Oh, and you can enjoy that media room. it's so afraid after you go with flail mower. You can enjoy that media room. It's over 100 inches on that projector. You've got to change the bulbs maybe every
Starting point is 02:02:33 8 to 12 months, but that's not a big deal. You've got to last long enough in this residence for the next Game of Thrones season. You'll love it. You'll last years. You'll make it well on past the Lord of the Rings TV series if you
Starting point is 02:02:48 take out the gamer tags. Nobody's coming to visit. My parents love me. If they do come to visit, Kyle. Let's say you or we, I don't know what scenario we've been discussing anymore. Yes, yes, yes. A deranged fan. We're talking about Anthony, Xboxbox pc man he snaps
Starting point is 02:03:08 he doesn't get that job uh at the police station that he's been that he's been working toward in law enforcement he doesn't get it he snaps uh he has been following woody's advice for years right do this do that get in shape follow your dream, work hard, persevere, save money, invest, and it fails. It fails him. And by that regard, Woody has failed him. An Xbox PC man says, enough, enough. He goes to Woody's house, takes out the entire clan one by one. He doesn't flail more than immediately, though.
Starting point is 02:03:42 No, no, no. He's smarter than that. You've seen his cosplay First He skins Woody He makes a Woody suit And he puts it on And he becomes Yes
Starting point is 02:03:57 And he becomes Fat Woody Yes He becomes Fat Woody And he just continues Doing the show with us during the story. Yes, yes. He becomes fat Woody. And he just continues doing the show with us. And we all know what's happened. But we dare not call it out. We dare not. Let's just become a skin suit.
Starting point is 02:04:14 You don't want to. Next week you'd be wearing a Kyle suit. Next week you'd be wearing a Taylor suit. You know, you don't want that. You don't want that. He wouldn't put on a Chiz suit. It'd never fit him. It'd never fit. You haven't thought about the smell, have you? I don't want to. You don't want that. He wouldn't put on a Chiz suit. It'd never fit him. It'd never fit. You haven't thought about the smell, have you? I don't know about the smell, you bitch! But he just wears
Starting point is 02:04:29 a Woody suit. And everyone just pretends that Woody got fat, and now he's three inches shorter. And that's just that. Here he is right here. Think about it. He's already training. Chiz is still alive. Haven't seen him in years.
Starting point is 02:04:45 My dad said... Are you shouting this guy doing the Woody cosplay with the paramotor on his back? He's training for the inevitable skin suit, all right? You see Anthony coming up your driveway, you fucking shoot first and ask questions later because he's coming for that ass, literally. He's got his shears. He's got his sewing kit. he's got his formaldehyde
Starting point is 02:05:07 or whatever his curing agents to make your skin last long and be simple and smooth and pink forever he's gonna make a woody suit yep he's in the dance naked in front of a mirror like buffalo bill tucking his dick between his legs and his woody skin suit. This is taking a dark turn. Let me ask him if he'd do this. Let me see if he's online. I guarantee he'll immediately be like, huh, I never thought of that. That would be a good idea, wouldn't it?
Starting point is 02:05:35 No, not necessarily. Make a woody suit. Specifically making a woody suit and cosplaying forever is the way that he would look at it, right? He'd be his favorite celebrity forever. He'd be... Outside now. The rainbow out here, people are taking pictures.
Starting point is 02:06:02 Where? It's easy to see on my screen maybe not yours oh yeah I can't see the see the rainbow though yeah oh that's neat I've seen this palatial estate you've been staying in. Really, really pretty shit. Someone's been killed in there. Oh, it's not a number of if, it's how many. If he came there and made a skin suit out of you there, it would not be the first time that had happened there.
Starting point is 02:06:46 Do you want a non-smoking room or a skin suit room? I asked him, I said, Anthony, would you hypothetically kill Woody and wear his skin as a suit and become him? Take his life and do the show with us? Did he reply? He's like, do I have to wear it all day, every day, or can I take it off at night? No, if we're going to be doing the show with a bonafide maniac, you have to wear it all the time. Well, he'd wear it on the show day or can i take it off at night no if we're gonna be doing the show with a bona fide maniac you have to wear it all the time well he'd wear it on the show oh okay well you
Starting point is 02:07:10 know then i he doesn't want to sleep in it you know and that even if he's got all his curing agents how long until that skin sheet just turns into mush i mean come on you've you've got leather shoes leather jackets and stuff like that they never turn to mush they get a little worn over time after a while people age and thusly Woody would eventually become like those King Ranch leather seats he'd become broken in
Starting point is 02:07:36 how little insulted that Taylor thinks I would turn to mush as if I was some low quality leather bullshit this is primo shit here Taylor a little respect you're right you would make a as if I was some low quality leather bullshit. This is primo shit here, Taylor. I mean, a little respect. You're right. You would make up.
Starting point is 02:07:50 If you were walking down the street and a serial killer had his pick, you would be the bell of the ball in his eyes. No, I need that skin. I know I said I was going to stop. I need it. Look at that hairline. He would carefully remove your skin
Starting point is 02:08:04 so as not to damage any of the areas that he was envious of. at that hairline he would carefully remove your skin so as not to damage any of the areas that he was envious of see that hairline he'd leave your calves intact oh yeah the calves would just go over his calves like okay all right does the skin suit still have like the dick on there yeah his dick goes in woody's dick His dick goes in Woody's dick. So you have to hollow it out. Boy, it's skinned. It's skinned.
Starting point is 02:08:33 The inner penis is gone. It's just the skin. So his dick goes in Woody's penis skin. It's in there. And he pees through Woody's pee hole. You just cut the head skin off so that yours pokes out. Like a condom oh gross how's that gross suddenly it's gross right prior to now we were just doing the logistics of it right but now it got gross it smells like george foreman chicken it would smell awful right now i haven't showered since this morning and i
Starting point is 02:09:06 spent the day sweating and kiting and exercising and flying and uh i had thai food it's a real shit show down there wow yeah i can't wait to shower after this show uh you better you're gonna enjoy those nine seconds of searing hot water until it fades? My underwear was sweaty, and I'm like, do I change my underwear before my shower? I don't know that I have enough underwear to wear three pairs in a day, so
Starting point is 02:09:37 here I am in the sweatwear. Oh, man, that's disgusting. I'm sure that the lady at the front desk has underwear you can buy or borrow. No, there's no front desk there's a uh like a thief proof window where you slide your credit card under there's a person in a cage yeah yeah yeah she's she doesn't know english it would seem and she just hands you a card to fill out. Please don't shoot.
Starting point is 02:10:06 You check the days on the calendar that you're going to stay there and give her your credit card. Then she gives it back. You sign some papers. There's no talking. And there's certainly no contact or desk, Mr. Hoity-Torty Hotel Stayer. You have a real key, don't you? What? You have a real brass key to this motel. That's have a real, like, brass key to this motel.
Starting point is 02:10:26 That's one thing that people forget. That's one thing people forget. When you're sitting in a motel like this, they're like, here you go. They hand you some cards. And what you guys are keeping in mind. Here's your key. There's cum and hep C on it. Good luck.
Starting point is 02:10:37 Keep in mind, anyone could go to Walmart, make a fucking copy of that bitch, and they could just come right in your room right now. Yeah, and steal all the valuables that you don't have. No, kill him and take his skin suit. And then fly away in his paramotor. If I skin someone in a hotel room like that, I wouldn't even bother to cover it up.
Starting point is 02:10:58 Like, what would be the point? When he comes back, let's get him to completely strip down the mattress. Let's look for stains good call strip down the mattress look for stains what else could we have him look for in this gross ass like move the furniture shit like that i always look flip the mattress find some bed bugs woody the last place i stayed at right unbeknownst to me i left the key in my truck so i tell them hey i lost the key my bad and they're like yeah you probably left it in the room everything is cool
Starting point is 02:11:29 see this blue one this is not the blue place you know i could go back to room 21 in talahina and murder someone that sounds like intent boys let's really hope that nothing happens in room 21 in talahina tonight or Sounds like intent, boys. Bring in the cyber boys. Let's really hope that nothing happens in room 21 in Talahina tonight, or this will be exhibit A. Woody, could we possibly strip the bedding off of that mattress? Yeah, let's do that. I haven't done it yet. I think for the best visual, if you could tilt the camera, yep,
Starting point is 02:12:02 and then maybe a tilting of the mattress would do it. But yeah, let's get that bedding off there. God, that's a sexy bed. I like how the cord from the AC unit just gracefully hangs to the left to reach the outlet.
Starting point is 02:12:19 I bet there's been a lot of cuckold porn filmed in that room. I've seen the setting before. So give me a second. I'm going to try and set up the reveal as best as I can. Frame it up,
Starting point is 02:12:36 Mozart. This is going to be good. Frame it up, Mozart. All right. I... If we don't see anything initially, I think we should have Woody lifted up and we'll delve a little deeper. I agree. Woody's now taking the sheets off. I really feel that.
Starting point is 02:12:54 Okay. What if, what if something was, what if there was a man under it and he just like screeched and ran out from under the mattress and stormed out the door? That would have been the best gag ever. If he'd had one of his buddies under the mattress, this whole show the door. That would have been the best gag ever, if he'd had one of his buddies under the mattress this whole show. Oh, we would have ended on that note.
Starting point is 02:13:10 And Woody starts fighting him, the camera gets knocked over, and then he just cuts out. Ah, that's the kind of shit we should be doing. When we pretended like Wings died that time, that was a lot of fun. We could do the same thing to Woody. I forgot about that. That was a long time ago. Yeah, it was. lot of fun. We could do the same thing to Woody. I forgot about that. That was a long time ago. Yeah, it was.
Starting point is 02:13:28 Tend to things was dead. Now, are you thinking cum, pee, blood? What's your go-to stain? I'm thinking dark. Something dark. Are we ready for this? Oh, yeah, let's see.
Starting point is 02:13:45 Chiz, you good to go? What is under? Are we ready for this? Oh, we're ready. Oh, yeah. Let's see. What's... Chiz, you good to go? What is under the sheets? Here we go. This could be a real... Look at that. It's a healthy brown. Smell it.
Starting point is 02:13:59 It's actually not as bad as I expected. How does it smell? Get in there real deep. Oh, shit. Real deep now. Sip the mattress. Can you guys hear me? Yeah.
Starting point is 02:14:22 Shucks. Well, that's a shame. I was really hoping that there would be something awful on your mattress. Is there something on the other side? They do flip it when things get real rowdy. That's true. What's under the... Let me look a little closer.
Starting point is 02:14:40 To be honest, I think there's a gist here. Let me see if I can get it. It takes a lot of cum to penetrate a comforter. Not if you've already ruined the other one with cum and you remove it and then just fuck on the regular mattress. Oh, fuck. I've never fucked just on a mattress.
Starting point is 02:14:57 I can't see what you're seeing. But do you see this? Yeah, there's a little discoloration. Right? Yeah, it looks like someone took a tiny rectangular shit right there. Yeah, or maybe they were fucking and she was on her period. Oh, Jesus Christ. And she had a rectangular pussy.
Starting point is 02:15:16 A little bit got on there. I don't know. Maybe they had a sex towel down and only a little bit got through. Who knows? If you had to be any inanimate object, sex towel was pretty low on the fucking total, Paul. Would you rather be a sex towel or a cock ring? Cock ring, 100%.
Starting point is 02:15:34 Then at least you're on the delivery end, you know? And you get to see everything. The sex towel, you're just mushed by an ass and getting blood or cum or pee or whatever. I mean, cock ring might be pretty high on the list of inanimate objects. You know, you get to have a little fun.
Starting point is 02:15:52 I saw a I think it was an old Medica video where he was like doing one of those I guess analysis of someone online and he's got the whole mattress up there. Look at the roof. There's been a leak up there, clearly on the left side of the roof. Oh he's got the whole mattress up there. Look at the roof. There's been a leak up there,
Starting point is 02:16:08 clearly on the sort of the left side of the roof. Oh, yeah, you're right. What a dumpster fire. But he was, like, documenting this dude who wants to be a feminine pad and, like, collects, yes, hundreds of bags and containers of feminine pads. And he, like, talks about how he wants to be one. No, all new, all he talks about how he wants to be one. No, all new, all brand new.
Starting point is 02:16:28 And he wants to be one. He's written this fan fiction about how he wants to be a female sanitary pad and get bled on. That's so fucking disgusting. Yeah. Oh, that's so fucking disgusting. Now, that's not illegal. But should it be?
Starting point is 02:16:43 No. No, it shouldn't be illegal. Of course not. Touch them. Don't touch them. What's it taste like? What's it smell like? I'll try.
Starting point is 02:16:58 Hold on. Is it salty? It's a little itchy. He's smelling them. He's smelling the stains. There's smell this is a bad attitude get in there let me try to make this bed a little man i wish we had a black light that would have that would have really kicked this off next Next time Woody goes on one of these trips and we know he's going to be staying in
Starting point is 02:17:28 these lovely establishments, we've got to get a blacklight on the trip because I guarantee there's some... This is the kind of motel that if I went on a trip with friends or something and we pulled in and I didn't book it, and they're like, here we are, I'd be like, here you
Starting point is 02:17:44 are. I'm going to the Marriott down the lane. I'll pay the extra 40 bucks. We've stayed in places like this as a joke before. Like, you know what would be crazy? If we stayed in... Well, no. There was one trip when, like, I don't know, we were gone for, like, eight days or something.
Starting point is 02:18:02 And I was like, I got an idea, guys. Here's a little thought. How about we stay in shitholes all week and at the end of the week we'll get an extremely expensive place from all the money we saved. We did that one time. We stayed in shitholes
Starting point is 02:18:18 for a week and then we got a $2,500 a night big suite thing. Normally we'd get an Airbnb. I've stayed in some of those places before. I've never done Airbnb, but the one you linked,
Starting point is 02:18:34 I think on PKN, where it showed the prices. Most of them were like $65, $70, and they looked nice. Not even like, oh, that's acceptable, but a couple of them were actually nice yes i don't know uh i remember them being trailer homes but they i i felt like they had two rooms and they're the same level as this i could have split it my friend could be in a room
Starting point is 02:18:55 yeah airbnb and vrbo are fucking excellent i have used them extensively and um like for a hundred and fit 125 dollars a night you get a very you get a nice house in most places in the country um for 300 a night you get a really nice house that place that me you and chis stayed in in colorado was like 120 a night or something like that and that was nice that three bedroom house with like a big living room and a pool table and a big backyard and everything. And in a nice urban area, nearby to grocery stores and restaurants and not far from downtown. Except when, who was it, one of those nights people were fighting across the street loudly. Yeah, and I called the cops.
Starting point is 02:19:39 Yeah, that was pretty funny. Yeah, deep into the night and nobody came by. Yeah, Chiz, quick comment. I haven't. I do an ad read, unless you're about to go into something uh it was real quick i have a travel microphone i really should get a travel blacklight for all these shitholes i stay in and just add to the show yeah next time you do it or actually order it like now on this trip your your amazon blacklight yeah i have they're not expensive they're like 10 20 i got one Or actually, order it now on this trip, your Amazon Blacklight. Yeah, I have one.
Starting point is 02:20:06 They're not expensive. They're like $10, $20. I got one. Okay. You do the ad read. I'll get the Blacklight. Certainly. When it comes to your health, brushing your teeth is one of the most important parts of your day.
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Starting point is 02:21:30 And I just noticed the other day that I got my little free refill of brush heads. It gave me a little email notification, so they're on the way. And also going to tell you about, oh, it's great to have these two sponsors back to back. Bad breath is gross. It's a gross, embarrassing problem that impacts everyone at some point in their lives. Fortunately, it isn't your fault. Smart Mouth Mouthwash knows the real cause of bad breath and how just two rinses a day can solve it for good. But first, what is bad breath?
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Starting point is 02:23:02 Make Taylor look good. Get yourself a nice coupon. Save some money. This is an oral health episode, apparently. You can use your Quip. Wonderful, high-quality Quip toothbrush that I use every day. And then rinse with your smart mouth, and you'll have pearly whites and not smell bad, and all the chicks are going to be lining up.
Starting point is 02:23:18 They're going to be lining up. They're going to be throwing themselves on beds like Woody's sitting next to, waiting for you. Apparently, these products lower women's standards. You better save up for the abortions, because it's going to be fun. Jesus Christ. Are there any movies... Sometimes guys are like, woohoo!
Starting point is 02:23:38 Tee hee! Are there any movies that you just can't watch, because they just make you feel too awkward to finish them? Because I'll tell you what, there's one in particular that I can't watch because they just make you feel too awkward to finish them. Because I'll tell you what, there's one in particular that I can't watch because I cringe so hard. It's the 40-year-old virgin. I've tried to watch it three times in my life. Like bags of sand. Like bags of sand.
Starting point is 02:23:58 I tried to watch it the other night, and I made it farther into it than I'd ever made it before, about an hour. And I had to stop and I had to stop I had to stop Steve Carell so convincingly pulls off this pathetic 40 year old virgin I feel so bad for it makes you sad like you're watching it and it's like oh like when you're watching it you're like putting your own age on there like whatever age you're seeing it at and you're like man if I'm when did that movie come, if I'm... When did that movie come out? If I'm 20, oh, he has a whole another lifetime of sadness and depression from where
Starting point is 02:24:29 I am right now. And he doesn't even get to grab a tit. It's so horrible. It's so humiliating and so awkward in a lot of scenes, like when he's hitting on girls and stuff, it gets so awkward and real. It feels real, and it's just dark.
Starting point is 02:24:46 There's a part where his friends are trying to, his friends are like Seth Rogen and the guy who plays Ant-Man, whose name escapes me, and that black guy. Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. And they're all trying to get him laid, right? They're giving him all their various advice,
Starting point is 02:25:02 coming from different angles on this thing. And someone decides that he should get body waxed. And I'm sure everyone's seen the scene at one time or another, or at least knows it exists. But Steve Carell's very hairy, and they actually body wax him. They take like four or five huge chunks out, and he's bleeding.
Starting point is 02:25:19 He's bleeding for real, because they actually body wax him. And he's screaming at the lady, calling her a cocksucker. It's fucking hilarious. And it's a funny little factoid. If you watch the episode of The Office where I think Michael has gotten, has quit or something. He's going to start his own company.
Starting point is 02:25:40 And Michael goes to visit with David Wallace at David Wallace's house, and they get in the jacuzzi together, and Michael keeps his T-shirt on, which is really awkward and weird to be in a jacuzzi with a white T-shirt. It's because he's missing huge tufts of hair from his chest because they were filming the movie right about that time. But yeah, I can't finish The 40-Year-Old Virgin. It's funny. It's good. There's a lot of good actors in there, but I
Starting point is 02:26:08 can't watch that shit. It's too much. It's too much. That's an interesting one. I think it's a pretty funny movie. I haven't watched it in a long time, so maybe I would go back and get those stomach pangs. That tightness when you watch someone and you become vicariously uncomfortable.
Starting point is 02:26:26 What's a good one? I don't know. I can't think of a movie I just can't watch. It's so awkward. I can't relate to this idea that cringing is so uncomfortable for the watcher. I see a guy and his guitar and his G-string wagging his balls around, it's like huh he's funny that's all i enjoy the show and i i see uh you know the 40 year old virgin or the room or whatever these really awkward cringy performances and i think that's you're tearing me apart lisa
Starting point is 02:26:57 that's a great story mark wow what Wow, what a story, Mark. What a story, Mark. Okie dokie, pal. Yeah, and I watch these terrible things. And I just enjoy the show. You know, it's fun. I don't cringe. It's too real. It's really just singing.
Starting point is 02:27:18 Even like good singing. Like when I can tell songs coming up in a movie, I hate that. I hate it. Like I don't know what it is. Unless it's like two very specific kinds of songs, I don't mind. Those are ones in South Park movies or episodes because they're just so funny you can't help but to laugh. And then anything Jack Black sings is hilarious for the most part. And he's like funny because it's shockingly good.
Starting point is 02:27:44 Other than that, man, I do not like. is hilarious for the most part. And he's like funny because it's shockingly good. Other than that, man, I do not like. Now everybody's doing the room quotes in the chat. I like singing in movies. I like musicals a lot. I can't stand musicals. I really love the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where they're all like cursed to only be able to sing. So everybody's just singing the whole episode.
Starting point is 02:28:05 It's great! It's so talented, most of them. I'm going to find the clip. I've never seen a single episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You know, I'm fucked up. That's a good show, man. It's a very good show. I loved Buffy.
Starting point is 02:28:21 There were so many hot chicks in that show. I mean, I remember when it was out, it's just by the name of it, I was like, I don't want to watch Buffy. Nah, man. No, it's good. Yeah, it's literally a musical, right?
Starting point is 02:28:41 We can't watch that. The bots will catch us. Oh, no. We can't watch that. The bots will catch us. Huh. Oh, no. We can't listen to that musical clip. We can't. Dude, we lost a PKA episode because we watched that cringy thing where the girl
Starting point is 02:28:56 liked the guy, and they had the Titanic music, but it was the one with the recorder that's terrible. Yeah. Why don't you just edit that out and re-upload it? I'm going to people have asked for it i can yeah that won't take long especially with that learning machine supercomputer you got yeah machine supercomputer it's a jurassic park yeah yeah well i i i i you should check out but there's too many shows that you need to watch before Buffy. So I just forget it. I mean, I wouldn't watch Buffy unless I'd already seen all of Supernatural and X-Files.
Starting point is 02:29:31 And I know in your eyes, X-Files takes precedence over pretty much everything else. Supernatural is a job. What are they, on 20 seasons of 20 episodes each or something outrageous? It's only 500 episodes an hour long each. No big deal. You could learn French. Instead, you're trying to get closer to a fictional guy named Crowley
Starting point is 02:29:55 who's the king of hell? No. It's a good fucking show. They've got great songs. It seems like for a long time, they spent most of their money licensing music. Carry on my way you red star. There's lots of
Starting point is 02:30:10 Kansas, lots of old school rock. It's great. It's fucking good. But chill out. It's too much. It's too much. It's too fucking much. Season 13 is finished. It's greenlit to 15 or 16, and it's 23 seasons of episode even that what is
Starting point is 02:30:28 13 times 23 god there have been as of season 13 which is the current one there have been 287 episodes wow they're an hour long yeah did you learn you learn French? No. They're dropping off in popularity by a lot. I would recommend to you to watch The X-Files. That's the biggest one you haven't seen, followed by Battlestar Galactica. Those are both just very, very, very good shows. The X-Files won so many Emmys and so many awards. It was massive.
Starting point is 02:30:59 It was a huge show back in the day. It sort of launched David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson and a lot of those supporting characters into semi-stardom. They didn't do great afterwards. They made some poor choices. Gillian Anderson's done better than anyone. But yeah, it's a very good show. Very good. Very, very, very good.
Starting point is 02:31:15 And there's some good, there's some legitimately scary episodes of that show. Home, that we talked about with Kumia last week, and there's this episode where like this russian submariner uh like gets locked in uh in like the sewage tank of a submarine and like there's some sort of a like a genetically engineered virus plus the radiation mutates him to mutate mutates him into some sort of fluke worm man with this weird mouth it's it's it's fucking fucking scary
Starting point is 02:31:45 over the fact that i've never said submariner out loud and so i'm a retarded person who always read it in my head as submariner ah well i i kind of know it because of the watch i like i like the see that's right that's the only place i've ever seen it where i was like submariner that's a dumb name for a watch i'm a retard no i i disagree so i'm there with a lot of places because i read a lot by learning no i learn a lot by reading and therefore i mispronounce a lot it's okay it's all right you need to make mistakes to improve brain big mouth slow. Yeah. Brain big, mouth slow.
Starting point is 02:32:28 Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. Every day out here feels like two days. I get up at like 6 a.m., I'm going to bed after midnight, we're doing shit from sunrise to sunset and then beyond. After PKM, my night wasn't over. That was just the start of the next part of the night yeah it uh yeah i got a lot cooking out here brain so small she has turned me on to a new show it's uh it's called the blacklist and oh i've watched that i've watched some of that. It really loses steam quickly.
Starting point is 02:33:07 I watched the first two. I burned through the first season of it because I'm like, this is great. This is great. And then I wanted to like it more through season two. And then at some point, maybe end of season two, middle of it, I was like, this just isn't good anymore. Me too. But there's more. So everyone is talking about how great The Blacklist is.
Starting point is 02:33:29 Everybody. The world is ablaze with all this Blacklist talk, and I'm watching it, and I'm just like, I don't get the... Why is this so special? I don't see... Oh, wait a minute. They're talking about Black Mirror,
Starting point is 02:33:42 and I'm watching Blacklist trying to find the fucking magic in it, and then it all made sense. None of these are about cell phones! I know! It's like, at what point in Blacklist does the guy fuck a pig? I don't see it happening! Blacklist is very good. You've got James Spader sort of helming the ship, and he is incredibly intense. He kind of reminds you a little bit of his Robert California character from The Office, except he's like a criminal. Yeah, yeah, it's Robert California,
Starting point is 02:34:17 except he's a criminal mastermind. You don't even know my real name. I'm the fucking Lizard King. He's just, like, in this thing, he thing, he gives the parable of the farmer. It's fucking dark. It's very good. How far are you into it? Four episodes, five episodes, something like that.
Starting point is 02:34:38 I think the chicken is pretty fucking hot. I'm interested in what's going on with her, and I'm looking forward to when I figure out what her connection to James Spader's character is. There's definitely something interesting going on there. So yeah, I'm interested in what's going on with her and I'm looking forward to when I figure out what her connection to James Spader's character is. There's definitely something interesting going on there. So yeah, I'm liking it. And it's on Netflix. It's fun.
Starting point is 02:34:53 It's FBI, CIA, NSA and this James Spader guy who's this kind of Hannibal Lecter meets Wolf of Wall Street kind of like madman. I don't know. It's interesting. I like it a lot. Yeah, the first season of that show I really enjoyed. So, glad you're liking it. It's definitely not Black Mirror.
Starting point is 02:35:13 No, very different. Very, very different show. You need to watch Battlestar Galactica, though. And I'm going to keep saying it every week until you watch an episode of it. Just watch the first episode. The first episode's only three hours long or so. No, it's not. It's pretty fucking long. Three hours? See, they
Starting point is 02:35:32 kick the show off with a little mini-series with two gigantic episodes. So, the first episode is very long. But the first episode is like the impetus for the entire show. It's this
Starting point is 02:35:48 diaspora of... Is it like a prequel to the show? Or is it like introducing all... It introduces... There's an inciting event that is cataclysmic for all of mankind and sort of creates this diaspora of all humankind where
Starting point is 02:36:03 they have to leave their home world and flee the Cylons. And so you get all of that wrapped up in this first one or two episodes so that you can get into the day-to-day operations of the ship and, you know, of living on the run in the Battlestar.
Starting point is 02:36:22 And there's this... All of the humans that are left are essentially in a fleet that is running away from robots through space looking for a new world to live in. Hmm. Yeah, it's good. I'll give it a go. I'm a little disheartened
Starting point is 02:36:38 hearing that it's a three-hour first episode. I don't know that it's three hours. You like Lord of the Rings? It's the same thing. Fair enough. All long Lord of the Rings. It's the same thing. Fair enough. All long movies are the same. Yeah. I used to be way more on the I don't mind long movies train. And I still am in some context.
Starting point is 02:37:00 But if a movie is over two hours and 20 minutes, two and a half hours, it's like if it's good, it doesn't matter. Like Shawshank Redemption or Schindler's List or Lord of the Rings, that needs to be long. It's a long story. But some of these, it's like two and a half hours long, and it's like half of this
Starting point is 02:37:20 or like 35 minutes of this is shit. It's just needless shit. The first two episodes. The first two episodes are three hours long combined. Okay, so 90-minute episode, that's not bad at all. Yeah, the first two are 90 minutes each, and that sort of sets up the whole thing.
Starting point is 02:37:39 And then going forward, the show is in gear and going. I like it a lot. The special effects hold up quite well, especially the space battles. I think they're quite good. And just so many hot chicks, lots of hot chicks. It's very good. It'd be better with some nudity. If HBO had made that shit, it'd be a real 10 out of 10 for me.
Starting point is 02:38:01 Do you remember? Oh, go ahead. I was going to say, I can hardly commit to a half hour show anymore you know i i just watch youtube videos and they're like six minutes long if i see a 12 or i'm like you better be strong and i don't know i maybe it's my attention span maybe it's just new media i'm not sure but i've been watching shorter stuff. One issue that I have is if you're watching videos over 10 minutes, monetize better. So they'll have one fucking question, a question you can answer in 45 seconds, and they'll make like a 12-minute video on like is creatine healthy. They could make a video that – I said 12 minutes.
Starting point is 02:38:40 12 seconds. They could make a video that just says, yes, it's been widely studied. You're okay. But they got to hit 10 minutes for that ad money. Exactly. And it, so anyway, I have a hard time watching long shows now. And I think YouTube kind of ruined me. Partly because.
Starting point is 02:38:59 Social media has ruined an entire generation's attention span. Like. Yeah. It's all built to just be like stimuli stimuli stimuli like oh you see that for two seconds now you're bored something else something else right here shiny life big bright thumbnail like watch watch watch watch watch don't go outside scroll scroll yeah yeah like all of it is yeah do you uh do you guys remember that white lady who pretended to be black and everybody bought it for a little bit because she was on the NAACP, I think, or some kind of board? And then it turned out that she was just a white lady spray tanning who got her hair put into, like, a perm and then, like, corn corn wrote it and shit. Well, uh, Rachel doles, all doles is all is her name. And she is being charged now with welfare fraud. And she really committed.
Starting point is 02:39:54 She really committed to the whole black thing. Jesus. That's method acting 101 baby. Okay. Daniel Day-Lewis. This is so Daniel Day-Lewis couldn't have done it better. This is so Daniel Day-Lewis-esque. Oh, man.
Starting point is 02:40:12 She's being charged. She ruined her credit rating. This is commitment to the craft. No, not Robert Downey Jr. Daniel Day-Lewis. He's the guy that played a black guy. Oh, yeah, Robert Downey Jr. Daniel Day-Lewis. He's the guy that played a black guy. Oh, yeah, Robert Downey Jr. He's the guy playing a guy. Playing a guy who's a black guy.
Starting point is 02:40:30 Dressed as another dude. I'm just a dude dressed as a dude playing another dude. He was nominated for a – we beat this bush before, but he was nominated for an Oscar for that performance, and I wish he had won. That would have been such a cool Oscar to have. It's almost like a joke Oscar. Like, yeah, that's the one I got for playing.
Starting point is 02:40:52 Playing a dude, playing a dude who thinks he's a black dude. It's just absurd. So that character name is like something Osiris. It's like Captain Osiris or something like that. something Osiris. It's like Captain Osiris or something like that. There's all of this footage, dude, of him remaining in that character
Starting point is 02:41:10 with his black family living his life with them as Kirk Lazarus. And he's insane. Let me find a clip of it because it's... Let me see. That was such a funny movie. That movie is a hoot.
Starting point is 02:41:31 Yeah, hear a bit. All right, let's just start this at zero and see if it gets bold. I don't know. Yeah, Al Pacino. This is so absurd, this whole video. I'm at zero. I'm ready. Lincoln,, out the cheetah. This is so absurd, this whole video. I'm at zero. I'm ready. Lincoln, Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.
Starting point is 02:41:50 Yeah, this is called Tropic Thunder Behind the Scenes with Sergeant Lincoln Osiris. Three, two, one, play. Lazarus. He was acting erratic, refused to sleep, and seemed to be having marital problems with Osiris' wife. With Osiris's wife with osiris's wife outside in the parking lot there was some witnesses and something maybe called uh it would be domestic abuse if she was actually my lady but i feel like you're my woman who got you them glasses today even his fake own children seem to be suffering ah damn man i don't know how you did it, baby.
Starting point is 02:42:26 I'd be up inside these fucking guys with a bowie knife. All this bullshit jumping off here. Ah, damn. Yeah, right. Incredibly, it seemed as if Lazarus, or Osiris, was suffering post-traumatic stress disorder after less than a week in Vietnam. Even now, I have questioned the showing of this footage publicly, but
Starting point is 02:42:45 in the interest in truth and reporting, I have decided it must be seen. Its insanity speaks volumes to the reign of madness that was befalling the production. This is my house! I'm running shit!
Starting point is 02:43:01 You taped her to the wall! Bitch! Yeah! I'll give you life! He taped her to the wall. Lazarus is I want to shit! Think about it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Take the clip out, baby. Take the clip out and hide it. When he was not acting out in violence, he spent whole nights deep in prayer with the family, praying for hours to long-dead Egyptian godheads in an effort to appease them with snack-sized bags of corn chips. Have some of that, man. I'm not an animal. May Anubis, the dog god,
Starting point is 02:44:05 not take a three-coil steamer turd on us, but rather unite us as we cross the river into the evergreen to the land of Tula. Tula, where the cosmic waters will unite us. Free of... Free of Cheeto pieces and all kinds of anger and resentment. I'm just going to go back on his meds. Perhaps bearing the brunt of Lazarus' unhinged religious...
Starting point is 02:44:35 ...youngest son, Sterling. Lazarus spent entire days performing exorcisms and rites on his body in order to free him of his so-called block spiritual journey you guys all focused up because this is key let me get rolling on you here so we know what's happening here we go baby get your head under there now this is vital see being the first son right that puts him right here in the lower chakra. Now, that's shooting energy up into Daniel, verse 6. And this, of course, is a dream catcher.
Starting point is 02:45:12 So all his dreams are being caught. He can't move on. And that's going back and forth like that, like a spider web, which is, of course, connecting to the eye of Horace. He's drawing on this guy's back as he's Donald Horace in the shower. That was the first time he ever swung a baseball bat. Now, what we got here
Starting point is 02:45:31 is the baseball bat. Because the seams are 17. After observing several of these exorcisms, I still could not trace the genealogy of any of the scripture he incessantly quoted. This is nine minutes long.
Starting point is 02:45:47 Yeah, we could probably stop. Later on, he's hiding in the bushes with a trap set for the Viet Cong. He's baiting them in with corn chips and shit. It's fucking great. I've watched this two or three times. I don't get it. I'm the only guy.
Starting point is 02:46:03 I don't know. Kyle loves it and he's nominated for an oscar the whole magic behind this both the whole thing is just i don't know not my cup of tea oh man i think that movie is i'm learning this yeah i love that movie and i think that bit was really funny too yeah like all that what I assume is off the cuff, like, and then we overhear the cosmic waters and they'll cleanse you of little Cheeto bits and also other kinds of evil.
Starting point is 02:46:35 Seven times seven times seven, which is.001, which is the first time he hit a baseball. What? And then whoever that kid was was just shirt off with his ass crack showing like on all forwards in the fetal position with his head under a cold water faucet yeah you don't want to get shot no yeah it's a fucking great movie i i love that the the whole movie's good the whole the whole fucking movie's good the simple jack shit the uh jack black's whole like heroin addiction thing
Starting point is 02:47:03 uh out the Al Pacino character who's the only actual black guy who's out there. He's like, you ain't black! And they get into this whole argument between Robert Downey and Al Pacino about he's like, our people have suffered for 400 years. And he's like, what?
Starting point is 02:47:18 Why is he going into the whole thing? It's fucking great. Yeah, Robert Downey kills it. He's one of my favorite actors for sure. Like that movie showed so much talent I thought. He killed it. He killed it. Ever since the beginning of this show now since we've watched clips and shit like I keep laughing
Starting point is 02:47:36 in my head about that Harry Carey Will Ferrell impersonation. I'm going to have to watch more of that later. Harry Carey is just all over the place. Moving around. Didn't you die? What's your place?
Starting point is 02:47:52 I just looked up his quotes. Some of them are pretty funny, actually. He's like, what does a bobble bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs. Yeah, Will Ferrell's excellent too. Will Ferrell did such a good job on SNL. He did so many weird characters like that.
Starting point is 02:48:10 I was always a fan of that. I watched Ace Ventura 2 last night. I hadn't seen that in like a long time. Is that Pet Detective? That's the one where he's in Africa. Oh, where he crawls out of that rhino? Where he crawls out of the rhino. I saw Bill Byrd talking about the rhino scene and how funny it was.
Starting point is 02:48:29 And he was like, he doesn't get any respect for that. He's like, but that was fucking hilarious. He just totally commits to it. And I was like, you know what? He's right. I got to go back and watch Ace Ventura 2 when nature calls. And he's inside the rhino. And his little fan quits working. and he's inside the rhino and his little fan
Starting point is 02:48:45 quits working and he's just sweating and he just strips all of his clothes off until he's fucking naked and then the door's locked, it's jammed shut, he can't get out and so he has to go through the asshole of the rhino while a group of tourists watch and they're like, look, it's the miracle of life as he comes
Starting point is 02:49:01 out and he's just like, ehhh, ehhh, like forcing his face through the asshole of the rhinoceros and then flopping out on the ground like a newborn cat. The guide calls everyone's attention to it before it starts. The dad who's watching like vomits in his mouth. This is going to be a new Twitter banner for me.
Starting point is 02:49:32 Oh, that's funny. Those movies are so, I don't know when those came out, but I mean, I was obviously much, much younger. I, at that time when I first saw that in my life,
Starting point is 02:49:44 I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as i did at those movies those and uh austin powers i was a huge fan of austin powers uh i watched those in theaters when i when i was a kid i think i was like i was in middle school so probably like eighth grade i think is when it came out I was like 13. And my whole family went. My whole family went. And we watched that shit. And I fucking loved it. I was always doing the Austin Powers impression and the Dr. Evil impression at school and the
Starting point is 02:50:13 fat bastard whenever the next one came out. Oh, I love that. I got crap on dick like a chook a donkey. I was fucking home. The whole mini-me thing. Mini-me had us just cracking the fuck up.
Starting point is 02:50:28 I loved that shit. The whole musical between Mike Myers and Vern Troyer, the Just the Two of Us thing. Yeah. Yeah, those movies are fucking great. But yeah, I always liked Jim Carrey, too. He was probably my favorite actor when I was a kid because I really liked Austin Powers and Dumb and Dumber and all that shit.
Starting point is 02:50:47 Those are fucking just so funny. What's a movie that you guys loved as a kid or adolescent or in that age, and then you tried to watch it again, and you're like, this is terrible. This is the worst. The Ninja Turtles. As a kid, I really liked the Ninja Turtles movie. But like I tried to watch that a few years back and it was so shit that like you look at Master Splinter and he's like a puppet or something.
Starting point is 02:51:16 He's like a marionette doll. Yeah. I wouldn't say terrible to answer Taylor's question but Star Wars doesn't hold up to me like episodes 4 5 Empire Strikes Back is good I guess but man the original Star Wars the first one that began it all
Starting point is 02:51:35 if you watch it now pacing kind of sucks there's a lot of slow shit in that Star Wars in general seems to have a lot of politics and senate maneuvering and VPs and bullshit. It's not the space pirate movie that I
Starting point is 02:51:51 remember it. Yeah, I'm not a fan of Star Wars. I've made no secret of that. It's not for me. Not a fan of that. I like it. I'm looking forward to Han Solo, or Solo I guess it's called. I haven't seen it yet, but I always enjoy them. It's just, there seems to me to be a disconnect between how relevant and important they are in cultural, almost global culture, right?
Starting point is 02:52:16 Like the fucking ISIS guys are getting motivation from the rebel forces. America's finding Star Wars to be a thing luke i and your father is probably more famous than four score and seven years ago yet the movies are just good yeah i don't know there's some sort of group thing going on where everybody wants to be fucking cool and like the thing or something i feel like i i don't know if people looked at it objectionably if if if if, if, if they went into those movies, maybe with no, no,
Starting point is 02:52:47 like no predetermined sort of idea about like how great these movies are supposed to be. Like, I think there's pale in comparison to, to, you know, Lord of the Rings or, or any of the great movies.
Starting point is 02:53:01 Honestly, like I'd rather, I'd rather watch the fucking Italian job or something than Star Wars. I can think of 50 movies off the top of my head that are just twice as good as fucking Star Wars. I don't like any of them. I don't like any of them. They're all fucking stupid.
Starting point is 02:53:15 They're all bad. There's only like three actors in the entire series that are any good at all. The guy who played Obi-Wan Kenobi in the original and the guy that plays Obii-wan in the in the prequels um ewan mcgregor uh they're the only good acting performances in the whole fucking thing that and the the fucking cgi yoda was pretty fucking good and that's it it's fucking shit it's fucking shit stupid you're mentioning of the italian job perfectly fits the question i asked
Starting point is 02:53:43 like when i first saw that was like, this is neat! I tried to watch that movie again less than a year ago, and I got 30 minutes in and all of it started flooding back. I'm like, oh, this has never been a good movie. I just turned it off.
Starting point is 02:53:59 I think maybe for some people that movie was so big that it sort of has a place. You know, your memory works in a really unique way. So I think that they think back on it fondly, maybe because of what it meant to them at that point in their lives. Especially if you were alive when the originals came out. Like, I get that. Like, when they came out, they were incredibly advanced withgi and and with their special effects and uh and
Starting point is 02:54:26 it was a huge story you know a lot up until then a lot of the like space drama stuff was so cheesy look at a movie that came out relatively i think maybe even the same year like stars um what is it um it's like starship fighter or something like that it's about a kid who plays a video they're basically the um there's uh this alien kid who plays a video... The video game helps find the best fighters, right? Yeah, this alien race has put these video game arcade machines
Starting point is 02:54:53 all over the universe, and whenever someone breaks the super-duper high score, they're like, oh shit, that guy could be a starfighter for us. It's called The Last Starfighter. And so they warp this kid up into space, They're like, you got a billion on The Last Starfighter video game, or whatever the fuck. Welcome to the Colonial
Starting point is 02:55:10 Fleet! And then the whole Colonial Fleet gets wiped out that day. And he's the only starfighter left in the universe. And he gets their most advanced ship. And it's so fucking stupid, because at the end he's crazy surrounded by hundreds of ships. And his alien co-pilot
Starting point is 02:55:26 is like, press the red button! Blah blah blah blah blah blah. And he does it, and the ship just starts spinning faster than the speed of light, shooting lasers in every possible direction, and just destroys an entire fleet of ships. It's retarded. That's the competition Star Wars has.
Starting point is 02:55:41 The ships should have had that feature. They would have shot each other. It was really only useful if you're the only ship remaining around. We've been outsmarted again by the damned last sky sweeper. Blah, blah, blah. That's Starfighter.
Starting point is 02:55:57 I liked that movie. It was fun. But Kyle's right. You've got that movie, which is a goof, and it had lots of CGIgi in it but 1980s cgi is silly it looked like 1980s video games and uh then star wars comes out and suddenly like it's just another level it's a serious star movie it was good yeah it came out in 84 i guess yeah it doesn't look like 84 it star wars looks so much better. And even by comparison, if you look at 2001 A Space Odyssey,
Starting point is 02:56:28 that's the best space movie ever made. Watch that shit. It was made in like 67. And it looks like it was made last year. It's incredible. It's incredible. Like, 2000? If it's that good, it means they weren't trying. Right? It means that all the scenes are like inside rooms that they could pull off in 1967.
Starting point is 02:56:50 What looks incredible is the last Star Wars movie I saw. That looks incredible. In 1967, it can't be good. It can't be. You've never seen it? And they can also go too far with CGI and do shit like the Hobbit series where it looks terrible and pulls you out of the moment entirely. Whereas Lord of the Rings is dope. Everyone's seen the rocket jump thing about bad CGI and CGI sucks except when it doesn't. At the time, Mad Max was getting huge accolades for its use of practical effects and how great it looked because of all these practical effects.
Starting point is 02:57:32 And then they started showing what it looked like before CGI. Ordinary and lame. And CGI is awesome. I think people just love to hate it. I mean, it can be used very well, but it can also be used shittily. Have you guys ever seen that movie
Starting point is 02:57:51 from the 90s, Rocketman? Yeah, with that where he goes to Mars and he farts his suit and it goes through the tube into the other guy's suit. That's a movie, I think, that when I saw it, it came out in like 97.
Starting point is 02:58:07 I thought it was fucking hilarious. Like, farts. What's not to like? But now, I bet if I went back, I'd be like, oh, this is pretty shit. But who knows? It might be like Ace Ventura. I bet if I went back and watched Ace Ventura again
Starting point is 02:58:20 or Austin Powers, I would still like it a lot. I enjoyed Ace Ventura too when I watched it last night. I never wore out of Mike Myers, but I've seen enough Jim Carrey for my entire life. He's just done with it. He plays one character in every movie. False!
Starting point is 02:58:37 He plays Jim Carrey. Oh, what's the one? 23. 23 is fucking weird. Dude, that movie was retarded. there's the movie where um he's um he uh he like loses his memory or whatever of his relationship with that girl uh the chick from titanic um what's that jim carrey movie jim carrey movie oh oh shit i know what you're talking about you're doing movies where he played something else yeah eternal sunshine of a spotless mind it's so fucking good okay yeah i haven't seen it
Starting point is 02:59:11 oh i like truman show too but i guess what i'm saying is a ace ventura ace ventura 2 ace ventura 3 i assume um i don't know all the movies that he dumb and dumber dumb and dumber 2 dumber dumber still i don't even know they're all that he... Dumb and Dumber, Dumb and Dumber 2, Dumber, Dumber still, I don't even know. They're all the same. I've seen it too many times. Yeah, the most recent Dumb and Dumberer, or Dumb and Dumber 2, whatever it was called, was not good. But the original Dumb and Dumber was very funny,
Starting point is 02:59:40 and it still is funny. We watched a clip of that within the last six months on here. Yeah, we're shitting. Yeah, we're shitting. Yeah, first Dumb and Dumber is one of We watched a clip of that like within the last six months. Yeah, we're shitting and laughing. Yeah. Yeah. First Dumb and Dumber is one of the best comedy movies ever made.
Starting point is 02:59:50 2001 Space Odyssey, going back to that, like if anybody's not seen that, that's that's one of the greatest movies ever made. Stanley Kubrick's a fucking genius. It's absolutely incredible. Those monkey suits
Starting point is 03:00:01 in the beginning look awful. You think so? I think they look... Yeah. Well, you know, they're not supposed to be monkeys. They're supposed to be, like, you know, early hominids or something like that. I don't think they look that bad at all. A telepithecus kind of thing?
Starting point is 03:00:15 I'm looking at them right now. Let's see. I don't think they look that bad. Yeah, they're okay. How far back can you go in time in our evolution before they start looking just like monkeys about that far exactly where they were talking about then a little bit after that you know they were fucking they fucking had eyebrows and shit i i i think i'm pretty sure that like you know 20 000 years ago there were
Starting point is 03:00:46 like three or four or five different human race like kinds of people right like that's what's bizarre to me 2500 years ago you said a thousand years ago they you know you had the the neanderthals and you had those little hobbit people in fucking indonesia and shit and uh rogan was talking about some kind of people that they discovered recently in Russia that were different from the Neanderthals and different from humans. That's fascinating to me, that there were different versions of us.
Starting point is 03:01:14 I guess we just sort of murdered and ate and raped them into submission real good. Can you rape them into submission? Or does that just make more of them? No, that makes them more like us. Or us more like them?
Starting point is 03:01:31 Well, over time, there's, you know, so we grab one of their women, and we fuck her. And now her kid is half us and half them. Well, then somebody else fucks that kid. Now he's like three-quarters us and only a quarter like them. And then you add a thousand years, and there's barely any of them
Starting point is 03:01:45 left. Alright, so we've been around homo sapiens for 300,000 years apparently, according to this Wikipedia article. And the thing before us, we're homo sapiens. The one before us was just called homo. And that's from
Starting point is 03:02:01 600,000 years ago. Let's see if... It seems like a more effective way to get rid of them would be to not rape them well that's no fun he's making a lot of points it just seems like if i yeah i i don't know i don't think their goal was to get rid of them their goal was to get some some pussy and all their things. They weren't like, we'll breed them into submission. I don't know, Nigel. Do you think that's a smart idea? Well, I really don't know. My
Starting point is 03:02:31 frontal lobe hasn't developed yet. I'm using a stone axe here. And why do I have this accent? I don't even wipe my ass after my shit. I do it whilst I'm walking. That's just kind of how things went down. Oh, that's a helpful list.
Starting point is 03:02:50 Or article, Chiz. Thank you. Oh, look at Homo Rudolfensis. That is terrifying. You saw that guy coming at you. You probably wouldn't rate one of those. Let me see. You just kind of put oh god
Starting point is 03:03:07 homo habilis oh yeah yeah starting at the top that guy he's just a really hairy hairy man with a terrible nose and also a really small like one of those uh you know those kids with those the birth defects uh microcephaly yeah yeah encephalyencephaly, I don't recall, where their head's small because their brain didn't develop properly. He's got that kind of head, which is the top one I'm talking about. Cool. The Homo habilis, Heidelberg genesis. Homo habilis, which means handyman.
Starting point is 03:03:38 Oh, Homo Heidelberg genesis. Homo rudolfensis, the one you were talking about, that's definitely monkey-looking. Like, it's got chimp lips. Yeah. I think that's racist to say. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 03:03:57 If anything, it would be speciesist, because this is not the same species as that. Zip it up, Colin. Oh! Homo habilis is ugly as shit. It's got like lizard skin. Its nostrils are like open and straight out towards you just like you bored two poles.
Starting point is 03:04:17 And I guarantee this is 100% accurate because, you know, science knows. Of all these Homo floresiensis It's the cutest i don't know that it's the most homo sapien like but like if i were to have an old school homo pet i might choose the homo florencius and you would be in luck because they were believed to have lived from 95 000 to 17 000 years ago in indonesia they were quite small have lived from 95,000 to 17,000 years ago in Indonesia.
Starting point is 03:04:45 They were quite small in size, around 3.5 feet tall with a tiny brain. There is evidence that they made small stone tools and used to hunt small elephants and large rodents. Small. They're just adorable. I would want an emotional
Starting point is 03:05:01 support homo florenciensis. He just hanging around like you think you're having a bad day, and you look at his three-foot-tall, tiny-brained ass over there, shit all over himself, chasing rats around with a club. You know, it could be worse. It could be worse. How smart is he? I mean, he looks kind of person.
Starting point is 03:05:22 Like, could it be taught to make me coffee? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, he pissed himself of person. Like, could it be taught to make me coffee? Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, he pissed himself every time it started steaming and gurgling, but that's the price you pay. I wonder if Neanderthals are still around. Because apparently they were about
Starting point is 03:05:38 as smart as us. I wonder what it was. I'm sure there are tons of theories about this. Like, why did we win, the homo sapiens? Oh, I know this. I heard this whole thing. It was something about the way we worked together. We were in larger groups or something like that, and we worked together more efficiently. Maybe our division of labor, or maybe it was our weapons i don't remember which it was something like that and then they explained why like we
Starting point is 03:06:08 won out over them i think i think they were just more of us and we worked together more efficiently well apparently they were physically bigger and stronger than us yeah much stronger yeah mother bones were much much more much heavier were much heavier carriage, much more powerful, much bigger lungs. Everything was bigger and better than us, it would seem. Or maybe they required more calories. It was something like that. I wish I could remember exactly what it was. If you look at Homo sapiens, it backs up what Kyle says. Not exactly like why we want them, but it says they lived together, they hunted food, and they evolved. They could cope with climate changes. It kind of, I don't know, I just thought the whole group and colony aspect of it is supported here. Yeah.
Starting point is 03:07:00 That's interesting. I don't know, it's fascinating to me. Because, like, I don't know we we just been human beings have been here for such a small amount of time and of course we have been here for like 20 30 40 years respectively and it's like ah we just have such a tiny little grasp on like the history of of this planet and of our people you know like like it's it's it's bizarre to imagine another intelligent race on the planet although i heard someone saying that chimps had entered the Stone Age the other day. No. Yeah.
Starting point is 03:07:30 Yeah. Yeah. Just because they cut other monkeys' balls off with rocks doesn't mean... By the definition of what the Stone Age means, they have entered the Stone Age. They're making stone tools. They don't just make them once. They make a stone tool. They hang on to it.
Starting point is 03:07:45 Later on, they use it for the same purpose again. Okay, well, fair enough. That's a low bar. Is the tool a hammer? It's a good rock to bash things. Oh, they've learned how to use sticks and rocks and seaweed. All they do is use it to hit things.
Starting point is 03:08:06 It's like, yeah. It's funny that you use that voice because this is an article from the BBC. Let me see. The rainforests of West Africa, the wilderness of Brazil, and the beaches of Thailand, archaeologists have unearthed some truly remarkable tools.
Starting point is 03:08:21 It's not the workmanship that makes them special. If anything, a casual observer might struggle to even identify them as ancient tools. It's not their antiqumanship that makes them special. If anything, a casual observer might struggle to even identify them as ancient tools. It's not their antiquity that's exceptional either. They're only about the same age as the Egyptian pyramids. What makes these tools noteworthy is that the hands that held them weren't human. These tools were wielded by chimpanzees, capuchins, and
Starting point is 03:08:38 macaques? Macaques? How do I say that? M-A-C-A-Q-U-E-S. Macaques. Ah ah my cocks a bunch of my cocks macaques that's really interesting i this is what makes it hard uh woody's mom i want to turn off we're gonna talk a little bit about religion i know you don't care for that uh it makes me it makes the whole religion thing a little bit harder you know where it's like okay if these things were not that much dumber than us or if neanderthals were like even smarter
Starting point is 03:09:15 than us arguably like why didn't their why wouldn't god have stopped beforehand and been like oh all right yeah the species i'm cool with, the one I was planning on, here it is. Like, why would he wait through all of these variations of, you know, hominid or homin, yeah, hominids or whatever it is, just to get to us? Why? Because evolution is the most perfect
Starting point is 03:09:38 way to determine what is best. And God invented evolution to do so. Oh, no, they don't believe that, do they? No. That's what the smart Christians believe, though. Is that God invented evolution to, like... Because that's the most efficient way to create perfection. Not if you can snap and have it here instantly.
Starting point is 03:09:57 Well, he can't do that because he doesn't exist. Well, no, but in their heads, he is very much extant. And how would it be like like i i get that argument it makes more sense to me with like well why couldn't god have kicked off evolution it's like why would god make his whole plan contingent on hundreds of billions of years of all these other life forms dying out just so we can get to a little subsection where we are you know like why not cut to the chase? Go to Act 3 already. Maybe for him, it's like putting a
Starting point is 03:10:28 jello mold in the fridge overnight. It might be. He wakes up, he's like, shit, this got a little out of hand. It's like Lisa's tooth in that Simpsons episode. Oh, yeah. Or in the South Park episode
Starting point is 03:10:44 with the semen. The semen. Oh, yeah. Or in the South Park episode with the seamen. The sea people. The sea people. They had created that whole civilization down there. That's good stuff. Well, let me tell everyone about our final sponsor of the night. It's easier to keep the hair that you have than replace the hair that you've lost.
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Starting point is 03:12:16 Yeah. They've got ForHems.com slash erectile dash dysfunction. If you'd like to check that out. There's no shame, fellas. Go check out Formns for hymns.com i wonder what their their solution is let's see and they've got a cactus on the page that looks very phallic very funny guys i like that sildenafil sildenafil that's a thing i've heard of that it is they've got it right here well that's neat yeah check them out get some hair and a boner maybe at the same time yeah you'll be using that boner a lot more if you got hair
Starting point is 03:12:55 that's thinking because women like hair unless you're like really really jacked and then you can pull off bald you got've got a muscular head. Yeah, if you've got a veiny head. You don't want your head to be too veiny, though. No. Then it just looks like a testicle. Yeah. I think Winx looks good bald.
Starting point is 03:13:17 I think Winx has a good head for that. He kind of looks like the yellow peanut. The planter's peanut? No, the yellow M&M. Oh, the yellow peanut. The planter's peanut? No, no, no. The yellow M&M. Oh, the yellow M&M. I was showing wings to a friend of mine and they did not like his head.
Starting point is 03:13:33 They thought that his beard was not right and it was bald. They weren't fans. I don't know what to say. I feel bad for him. He doesn't have a lot of choices. I've seen him without a beard. I think beard's better. Maybe a trimmed beard would be the way to go no he's he i think he's nailing it right on the head i think it looks good i i like wings look a lot uh especially he's got he started shopping at this like big and tall shop uh that's local to him i guess and he's got some nice shirts
Starting point is 03:13:59 now he's got some button-ups he's got uh he's got some much nicer clothes. He does look better in those. Yeah. Because for a while he was wearing... I think he has a Spider-Man shirt he's been wearing for five years or so. With holes in it now. Not flattering. It's not his best look. I like his Ted shirt. It says Thunder Buddies for life. He took that shit literally.
Starting point is 03:14:24 He's been wearing that motherfucker for like eight years or something like that since the movie came out but yeah he's got some uh some new clothes i think they look excellent on him i think his best look is cleanly shaved on the head um i'd like it if his like sideburns kind of came up a little higher and like were well defined or whatever but whatever uh i think he's doing very well with what he's got going on. I think he's... I saw a highlight video and he seemed to be
Starting point is 03:14:52 scheduling the surgery. Does that sound right? Oh, good for him. I'll believe it when I see a Mexican man greedily digging inside of his belly with bare hands. You think we're going to get that on stream? Probably not. But anything goes in Mexico.
Starting point is 03:15:08 Can I set up my stream? What happens down in Mexico stays in Mexico. No mouth, back practice claims. He did a update on stream. He did an update. And I thought he said that he had, I don't know if he used the word scheduled it, but he said that it was happening. He was going to begin his liquid diet, and there was some more to it. Yeah.
Starting point is 03:15:34 He's saying stuff occasionally. I'm sorry. I was going to ask you to do what you were doing, which is maybe – I thought you had seen it. You're probably more up to date than me. Yeah, I saw it. You know, he made it seem like he had gotten an email from his doctors telling him sort of the procedure that he needs to go through before the thing. He mentioned that he would be going on to the liquid diet fairly soon.
Starting point is 03:15:59 So he might have scheduled it. It's hard to tell, right? You know, like maybe, maybe not. He's waiting on them to say 100% yes, and he doesn't have scheduled it. It's hard to tell, right? Maybe, maybe not. He's waiting on them to say 100% yes, and he doesn't have that yet. It is at the start of the video. Do you want to watch it? See his update?
Starting point is 03:16:15 We don't have to. Okay. I'm keeping it to do the countdown. Yeah. This most recent one at zero? Yes. The wings. What's your stream?
Starting point is 03:16:29 Three, two, one, play. Surgery progress? Yeah. I'm waiting on the doctor to clear me, to accept me for surgery. And which they haven't called and cleared me yet. But I'm pretty sure I've been cleared mainly because they they sent me an email with all like the pre-surgery stuff I got to do so like they're gonna I'm waiting on the call right now should have come
Starting point is 03:16:59 either today or tomorrow for them to set up the first payment progress. Because I've got to pay half up front, and I've got to pay half after they finish. So I'll have to pay half of the surgery cost up front. I've got to tell them what surgery package I want, what it all entitles, and stuff like that. Then I've got to pay half of that cost up front. I'd like the butter golem package.
Starting point is 03:17:23 What it entails. My coordinator is going gonna set up a date At that point and she's gonna start working with me and then After the date set up I have to stack out a pretty much start on the liquid diet. So like It's gonna be a rough couple days here in a second Because I've been eating like shit lately like purity shit hopefully within this within a week's time frame I should have a surgery date and like the realization process that this is happening is like it's like one
Starting point is 03:17:58 of the big things in the surgery packet is like you know this is important lifelong information about dehydration like one of the big side effects of the surgery is you're constantly going to be dehydrated. So you got to basically sip on water throughout the day. And that's a life changer I get used to. Should we stop here or keep going? I don't chew my food real good. That's it. I wanted to get that in.
Starting point is 03:18:20 I don't chew my food real good. That's a great quote. I don't chew my food real good. That's a great quote. I don't chew my food real good. Well, according to Boogie, you learn to chew your food a lot more after this surgery because you only get like four bites, so you gotta savor it. Well, I really hope he actually gets it.
Starting point is 03:18:41 He started to do it, but he didn't do it. But he got a surgery packet that tells him something, but he hasn't started his liquid diet yet. But it's all getting real to him, and he should have a date inside of a week. So in May. That's good.
Starting point is 03:19:00 Yep. I might be winning that $5 after all. We shall see. We shall see. Is the bet back on? The bet never quit. The bet never quit. Can I explain the bet?
Starting point is 03:19:12 For people who maybe forgot, I thought that Wings would not get the surgery this calendar year, and Cal thought he would. We'll see. The payout doesn't happen until next year. Yeah. Or as soon as it gets there. The payout doesn't happen until next year. Yeah. Or as soon as he gets it.
Starting point is 03:19:27 The payout. The five buckaroos. I don't have to pay until January 1st, but Woody could have to pay potentially any moment now. As soon as Wings gets sliced and diced. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, he had the gunman back on the show. And I guess there was a baby on camera at some point they like brought a baby
Starting point is 03:19:48 in I don't know where they got the baby I don't want to know I guess a baby oh ah baby baby baby it's what's for dinner
Starting point is 03:20:02 see that's the kind of shit he should be doing Baby, it's what's about to dinner. Fucking great. See, that's the kind of shit he should be doing. He should be dressed up as Fat Bastard doing that whole bit. He's got the baby and he's fake biting the baby. I'd have a little ham taped to the back of the baby. And I'd go, ah! And I'd rip the meat away like I was eating a baby. Come on, that'd be hilarious. If you saw Wings win a kilt with
Starting point is 03:20:25 some bagpipes and that silly hat and a big red beard, and he took a chunk out of a real baby, you pinch the baby a little and make it cry, right? I mean, it'll be alright. Pinch the baby and make it cry. Maybe you bite it a little for real. We need the baby to emote.
Starting point is 03:20:43 To emote? Just give it a little thump on the forehead. Scare it. I bet they do that for real. I'd never thought about that before with babies in Hollywood, but they probably do. They're like, God, this thing is just too well behaved. Alright.
Starting point is 03:20:58 Shake it. Yell at it. Be like, alright, and we're going to be rolling in three, two, one. Ah! How do you give the baby a mild shock huh or show it a pit bull so taylor uh the tampa bay lightning are out and ovechkin is in the Stanley Cup finals. Am I right on that? Yes, you are correctamundo. Against the Golden Knights?
Starting point is 03:21:30 I wish Tampa would have made it, because I would have then maybe been able to go watch it when I was in Tampa in the coming weeks. But now that it's Washington, I want to see Washington win, because I'd much rather see the Caps get their first cup with Ovi than Vegas, a team that's been in the league for months and months now, get their first cup before the Blues, given that the Blues have been around for like 51 years or whatever the hell.
Starting point is 03:21:57 So, yeah, if Vegas wins, it'll be a really cool story. They'll make a movie about it, which will be neat. They'll really play up how underdog they were and they won't mention the fact that they changed the draft rules to make it easier for them to be competitive right off the bat because they're afraid about the oakland raiders moving to vegas and then seizing all the attention that won't be a part of the movie but it will be a decent movie hopefully but still i'd rather see ob uh they made it so that you could protect fewer players i believe and so they weren't able to protect as many whereas like uh uh you know when the atlanta
Starting point is 03:22:33 thrashers entered the league to be fair they didn't give them enough of a chance because that was like barely an nhl team they just got butt fucked for their first first couple years and then they moved and they got moved back and then they sucked again and moved again. Yeah, I'd rather see the Caps win. How about you? I'm going with Caps too. I do think there's a neat thing going on there with the Golden Knights. But like you, pay your dues.
Starting point is 03:22:57 There's a lot of teams in the league you don't get to win first year. And Ovechkin. Ovechkin needs a cup. Yeah, he's getting the rivalry between him and crosby isn't as much of a rivalry when it's like well i mean crosby has three cups and ovi has none and you know really the only thing ovi's better at is scoring goals not even getting points because crosby has way more points by game. So I don't know. It'll put them kind of on equal footing when they have some actual hardware.
Starting point is 03:23:30 If they do. Who knows? This has been so unpredictable. Vegas may sweep them or it may go seven or Washington may sweep them. Like it's totally unpredictable. But Washington's playing like they fucking want it. Like Ovi and Burakovsky were skating around like their family were in a gulag, and Putin was holding them there until they won. It wouldn't make sense for Putin to be wanting DC's team to win,
Starting point is 03:23:53 but still, that's the way they were playing, ferociously. They've been awesome games. Even if you're not a hockey fan, playoff hockey is great. There was a clip last night of Tom Wilson of the Capitals punching the helmet off of some guy uh and then they went to the box and then as soon as they get out of the box for the five minute major they just skate right at each other again and start beating the shit out of each other this is great very very entertaining games yeah yeah i'm definitely watching the all however many
Starting point is 03:24:21 games are of the stanley cup final as I know Kyle will too. Oh, yeah. I'm just so, so into it. Who are you pulling for? Well, I call the Vegas Knights the beginning of the year, the sports analyst that I am. And so, you know, I'm right again, as always. So I'm pretty happy about that. And now if Germany just wins the World Cup,
Starting point is 03:24:42 I'll be perfect throughout the year 100% consistent also picking the Braves to win the East because I got a little tip from my inside man wings redemption he called it early in the year and I'm following his pick on that one MLB standings and they are in first
Starting point is 03:24:59 hey what are you going to do the man knows his baseball and they're like 50 games into the season so it still doesn't mean shit well not yet not yet no not yet rather be ahead of the behind way too fucking long there you go yeah and and you know i mean they gotta beat the you know it's a the division i don't know anything about the division actually i'm not gonna talk about the division i don't know anything about the division i used to i used to know where everybody stood you you know, what the weak
Starting point is 03:25:25 teams and the strong teams are, but I just don't watch anymore. I watched a Braves game a couple weeks ago, and I've been playing a lot of Total War. That's kind of what I'm into right now. I've been advancing my Total War Warhammer skills, been doing really well on the ladder, just beating up all my friends, having a good time with that. You should get on there.
Starting point is 03:25:43 I should. That game sounds like fun. It's so much fun. You're the one that turned me on to it. Wait, don't you play it? Yeah. I haven't in a while. I introduced Kyle to it, and then as all of the games I introduced Kyle to, we play for a while and then he gets way more
Starting point is 03:25:59 into it than me and overtakes me in skill, and then eventually I come back. So i'll come back and and play something that'll be fun yeah i i like that game a lot been playing a bunch i should be right that game sounds like fun i was like oh yeah it's like me saying paramotoring sounds like fun i should try it yeah i should have said it it sounds like fun again it hadn't sounded like fun for a while, but regardless. I got a couple guys that play with me now
Starting point is 03:26:28 that are okay at it. Some of them have Total War 2 and some of them have Total War 1, so I jump back and forth between the two games, beating up on them. I have a good time. You still doing Civ a lot? Or not as much? I haven't played Civ in a couple weeks. We kind of switched over
Starting point is 03:26:44 to Total War. The games are quicker. You know, I was playing a lot of 1v1s in Civ with my friend and you know, they take five hours sometimes. So that's play all night to get one win and whereas with Total War you can get a win every ten minutes or something like that.
Starting point is 03:27:02 We play some 2v2s on the ladder and stuff like that. In Civ, is a 1v1 longer or shorter than like much shorter four or six or something much shorter sometimes uh it it takes sometimes it takes 30 minutes um sometimes it takes uh two hours you know it just depends you know you're trying to get ahead in technology or production to the point where you can overwhelm them. And sometimes that happens really quickly, and sometimes it takes several hours. But in a 1v1, it's much easier to get along with. I played with Filthy on his stream maybe two weeks ago, three weeks ago, or something like that. And it was a long—it was a pretty long game.
Starting point is 03:27:42 But they were playing that Weey stuff, West versus East, where three guys are on one continent and three guys are on another, separated by ocean. And you sort of race toward steamships or you race toward airplanes and kind of whoever gets there first with enough money to purchase the ironclads or the bombers wins. And we lost that handily, definitely because of me, because I was so unfamiliar with that game mode.
Starting point is 03:28:07 But it was still fun. Were you on Filthy's team? Yes. Yes, I was. Yeah. I was thinking, like, if I was on Filthy's team, couldn't I just be his, like, an extension of Filthy's decisions? No. There's too much micromanagement, and there's a clock running. Okay. How long is the clock hard to carry it's um it's adaptive so at first it's uh maybe 25 seconds uh but as the game goes on uh you know it becomes a minute and then two minutes and then three
Starting point is 03:28:42 minutes but it needs to grow in time because you have exponentially more decisions to make. You're micromanaging tiles per turn. There's so many little bitty weird intricacies to that game. You're saving your great writers over time and you're waiting to pop them after you go through a golden age for the highest value. pop them after you go through a golden age for the highest value. People are switching on and off of technologies because the guy with the fewest cities finishes
Starting point is 03:29:09 technologies more efficiently. There's a lot going on. I didn't even know that. Yeah, it's it becomes a whole slightly different game. There's a lot more to take into play when you're playing a team-based Wii V like that. I wasn't... I had watched
Starting point is 03:29:26 maybe 20 hours of it, but I still wasn't at the level of those guys who have played hundreds of hours of it, for sure. But I didn't completely shit the bed. We lost by maybe five turns. They got there like five turns before we did, and we just lost. Yeah, I
Starting point is 03:29:44 wanted to play Total War, Warhammer 2 again again don't really want to get back into sip yeah jump on total war yeah jump on total war i'll play any time of the day uh i'll always down to get on um um my friend class is in new zealand so it'll be like three in the morning sometimes when he gets on and i'm just like like, oh, god. Alright, alright. What time do I have to wake up tomorrow? Oh, I technically don't have to wake up tomorrow. Okay. I can just sleep until 2. Yeah.
Starting point is 03:30:15 So yeah, I really enjoy the Total War thing. I'm not into the lore of it. Some of the best players can quote all the lore. Like, oh yes, Ungrim Ironhammer. He killed Tweek in the old times. You're aware of this, correct? some of the best players can quote all the lore. Like, oh yes, Ungrim Ironhammer. He killed Tweek in the old times. You're aware of this, correct?
Starting point is 03:30:29 The old times. The long, long ago. That's literally a quote. I'm sure it's neat to kind of know the lore a bit, but I don't know. I'm not going to look into it. I just want to play the faction that has the coolest looking monsters. Which, I don't... I'm trying to remember the... it. I just want to play the faction that has the coolest looking monsters, which I don't,
Starting point is 03:30:45 I'm trying to remember the, uh, fuck. Is it the warriors of chaos? Yeah. Yeah. This is the one with the dragon ogre shag. Yeah.
Starting point is 03:30:55 And you've got those things are awesome. You've got Kolek, the Mount, the sun eater, uh, who's like, they're, uh,
Starting point is 03:31:02 they're, they're like hardcore general. He comes out and he's God of the Mountain! And he's got a hammer that's like ten times bigger than a man. Yeah, he's crushing people. That's great. There are other generals super good too.
Starting point is 03:31:16 Archeon. The Ever Chosen. That guy who's just like in his badass knight magma golden face kind of thing it's him as much because he's more expensive than Kolek but I usually use Kolek because you can like just micro him on his own
Starting point is 03:31:33 and just cause so many problems like you can even just tank him in the beginning and soak up an insane amount of damage I've gotten much better at it I used to sort of put a good army together and just crush them into the other guy's army, but I've gotten a lot more micro-intensive
Starting point is 03:31:49 and I do a lot more skirmishing, a lot more cavalry play now. And I've been winning a lot more consistently. I like the game. The Tomb Kings came out a couple months ago, so they're the Egyptian faction with all of their snake cavalry and mummies and stuff like that.
Starting point is 03:32:07 And I think there's another expansion that's about to come out that adds regiments of renown to almost all of the major factions. The Dark Elves got a huge buff. The High Elves got a huge buff. But I'm sure like 18 people care about this shit. I mean, I'm interested. Dozens. A little bit about it. It's getting it back into me, or getting me back into it.
Starting point is 03:32:31 Yeah, get on and play sometime. We could play some 2v2s. You can play on the ladder 2v2 and auto-match with people who are also wanting to play 2v2s. It's a lot of fun to do that. That's what Klaas and I have been doing now that he's gotten good enough to hang with me. Actually help. Yeah, not everybody. Is this the game where you and Taylor would take on 2v5 or 2v4?
Starting point is 03:32:54 No, that's Company of Heroes. That was also Age of Mythology. We did that with both of those games. Oh, and Age of Mythology. We butt-fucked people in Age of Mythology and it was never close there was never times like people would jump in and they'd be like all right we got seven people in here team's just gonna be me and kyle versus the rest of you you know and it's like and that's
Starting point is 03:33:16 a huge disadvantage because it's like all right our population limit is at 300 net and theirs is at you know 750 net or whatever it would be and so they can just make way more people but at no point in any of those battles was it ever like oh we're gonna lose it's over it's over kyle just like i'm under attack i'm like do you need help reinforcements no taylor you got guys in the north oh you got him okay and then we would eventually just get it so our economies were so strong and booming that like we wouldn't even make battle plans anymore we'd send an initial contingent in and then we'd both have like 10 stables or 10 barracks and with our hordes of
Starting point is 03:33:58 money just have a stream of soldiers just being built with the waypoint set in their base and so it was just hundreds of you know the trail of tears style marches just straight into their base you know we're oh that was fun god i wish that worked on my uh my steam for some reason that game will not start on my steam everything else will but it will not and that's one game i would absolutely hop back on and play like tomorrow yeah i got really into that game i spent a lot of time perfecting my strategies and build orders and stuff and uh yeah we got so good at it that no one could really even compare we just destroyed them is it like sin is it no it's rts uh it's rts and um it's uh extreme micromanagement in real time.
Starting point is 03:34:45 So it's a lot of like, all right, the first three workers go to food. Next five go to wood. But it's 49 seconds. Two of them come off wood and they go to gold. And they're going to stay on gold. And then the next one goes to gold. And then three more to wood. Like you're micromanaging this economy to such a crazy extent.
Starting point is 03:35:01 You're like, all right, we're 87 seconds into the game. Build a barracks. All right, got it. You got your temple all right, we're 87 seconds into the game. Build a barracks. All right, got it. You got your temple up? You got your temple? Yeah, yeah. It's just crazy, crazy micromanagement. And you can't, if you're 15 seconds off, you might lose.
Starting point is 03:35:14 How come you don't live stream any of this? I bet people would watch it. This is before Kyle had his good internet, and who knows how many people would actually watch that. But yeah, when I was teaching Kyle how to playyle got so like as kyle always does with games like he wants to be good at it so he does some research and due diligence and figures it out but it was one day after you know i got home we were playing and kyle like a minute in goes ah restart i was like like what we had like we were 1v1ing or maybe 2v2, I don't recall.
Starting point is 03:35:45 And he's like, what? Restart. We're a minute into the game. He goes, yeah. I don't have anyone on gold. And we're 58 seconds in. So restart. This needs to be optimized.
Starting point is 03:35:56 We knew at 43 seconds, that's when you hit the build your temple button after you've just finished your building of the house or whatever the hell. Oh, that was a fun game. And I liked I don't remember if you ever did this with me, but we would fuck with people sometimes where instead of, like, I would play the Norse and I would immediately take my
Starting point is 03:36:15 hero and build a temple right next to their base. And so, you know, you were staying back and, like, building up the actual empire and stuff. And then like a minute and a half in while they in, while the other team's like, so you collect wood in this game, do you? I would just walk over and start axing them, and they're like, oh, there's barbarians or something in this game.
Starting point is 03:36:37 And I'd be like, yeah, that's crazy. I can't believe that. Wow, bad luck. And then eventually they'd figure out, like, this temple says murkaterka on it. It's like, yeah, these are all my soldiers. Like, yeah, that was so much fun. It's a, we'd rush, we'd rush so fast, you know? And what I did is I watched the best players in the world and I wrote down second by second, what they did and their movements. And then I just practiced them second by second.
Starting point is 03:37:07 And every time I made, if I was off by one second, I'd just restart and single player. And I did that for 15 or 20 hours straight until I was as good as they were, until I was literally as good as the best players in the world at the first five minutes of the game. And then you can't beat me because I'm as good as the best players in the world at like the first five minutes of the game and uh and you know then you can't beat me because i'm as good as the best players in the world yeah there's like a few anchor points as
Starting point is 03:37:31 far as you know technology in that game where if you get there even a minute before the other person like if you've got you know heavy cavalry when they're still rocking scouts or light cavalry like it doesn't matter if they have three times as many you're not they're not going to win that fight like it's over or if you pump out a couple of those like golden colossus and just send those over there let him almost die and then they can like go they can survive these you know the colossus of roads that wonder of the world the giant guy like they could heal themselves by eating gold or wood and you don't go back to your base to eat your golden wood you beat the shit out of their guys and then you lumber over to their gold and your guys are just like he's eating all of their gold and then if he
Starting point is 03:38:20 does die it's like well yeah ate all your, idiot. Sorry. There were times where we were playing where it was going so long that our entire side of the map ran out of resources, and so Kyle and I would just have our markets doing trade, and then just chopping down every tree on the map to sell the wood
Starting point is 03:38:40 to other people for gold and food. We would mine all of the resources out of the land, the wood to other people for gold and food. We would mine all of the resources out of the land and then we would chop every tree that existed in the game and then it would just be nothing but farms as far as the eye could see growing food to sell for gold and meat.
Starting point is 03:38:56 We just beat the shit out of those people. It wasn't even close. That's how I like it. I like completely fucking people. I didn't mind the lack of a challenge. I liked just being able to dictate it where it's like, hey, do you want to run in and kill them? It's like, no, no, I want to make this army
Starting point is 03:39:12 super dope-looking first. I want to have 20 Minotaurs run in. Yeah, it was pretty shitty of us to do that to them, but that's how I like to play. That's what I'm doing with Total War right now. I like to play with my food. i won't say it's weird army compositions do you like just go all optimal or do you sometimes like i was playing oh fuck this i'm gonna just do 15 minotaurs or a bunch of cyclops or something i was playing with a guy um a couple
Starting point is 03:39:40 days ago and like i had completely destroyed his army and my army was virtually untouched which is not how things go usually like it's sort of a war of attrition and it comes down to you've got 50 guys and he's got and then that's it you like go from a thousand guys down to very few and you just barely win but he just barely touched my guys and i just had his general was the only guy remaining and i'm just i've got maybe 750 units in a big circle around the general, just like that scene in The Matrix where they surround Keanu Reeves. And he's like, well, of course you're going to win.
Starting point is 03:40:10 You got me completely surrounded. So I just walk my entire army over about 20 feet, and they just stand and watch while my general pummels him in a 1v1 to death. So yeah, I kind of play with my food if I'm playing with somebody real bad. Well, that's the fun way to do it. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 03:40:27 You don't want to end it too soon. You're having fun. You'd be a very evil Persian Xerxes. We'd be like, the battle's almost won, my lord. Call them back. Give them hope. Get them to sit at their fates.
Starting point is 03:40:46 Yeah, I like games like that. RTS is a lot of fun. I never got into StarCraft. That just wasn't my thing. I like all the other RTSs. I love Company of Heroes. I really like Age of Empires. And right now I'm just really loving Total War because there's a pretty big YouTube scene.
Starting point is 03:41:01 They had a tournament the other day with a $500 prize for the winner and everything. and i watched all that wow you know i mean that's a that's a pretty big prize for for you know like an rts game and it's just kind of a private tournament put on by some youtubers or whatever anyway so that that was a lot of fun to watch it was like all the best youtubers were playing. So I like watching that stuff. I watch a ton of the videos for that thing. So yeah, I should get back on that game. I should play some. It'll be a lot of fun.
Starting point is 03:41:35 Do you think you'd be competitive in it, Kyle? Against other good players? I am competitive against other good players. I've played against a couple of the major streamers or whatever and it's always close. It would have been fun if you were in the tournament oh no i want no part of that are you guys doing uh attack and defend at all or just open field open field 1v1s and 2v2s like just just a war i don't like the attack and defend with the with the castles and shit i like getting into the open fieldping a lot. That's like my favorite part.
Starting point is 03:42:05 That's because you're a fucking Tolkien nerd. You're wanting to recreate Helm's Deep or something over there. You're like, yeah, alright. We'll pretend like this guy is Legolas and he's gonna slide down the ramparts and he's gonna shoot everyone with his... Nothing you're saying is incorrect.
Starting point is 03:42:23 You can't have two dragons. There was only one there that day. What are you talking about? No, no, there were no minotaurs in that world. Get it out. No goblins or no vampires. You wanted to role
Starting point is 03:42:38 play as some sort of Tolkien force, like Helm's Deep recreation type thing, and I just really want to beat people up in the open field so they can't hide from me and uh there's no walls or buildings in the way or anything i like the buildings it makes it fun like it it's hard to defend like if it's two verse three defending it's tough like you have to be really smart and economical with your units like you can't just oh they're breaking through throw everybody at the front gate because they'll like you said they'll you know war of attrition they'll grind you down and you'll end up losing so you have to like be
Starting point is 03:43:12 very much more careful with how you select your units because you don't get as many points to purchase them as as you do when it's 1v1 on open field and the open field shit if there are trees anywhere i hate it the trees in that game are annoying as shit all they ever do is allow elf players to hide elves and shit in there and when it's not even that that's annoying it's trying to micro around in the trees like they just like they'll be clear for a second and transparent when you're like going down to scroll and look at your units in the forest and then out of nowhere they'll stop being transparent and just a bunch of trees in your face
Starting point is 03:43:45 and you can't drag and drop. Is there a way you've gotten around that or no? I play the wood elves a lot, so I don't mind the trees. They get a bonus when they play in the trees. Wood elves are one of my best factions now. I play the dwarves, I play the wood elves, I play the
Starting point is 03:44:02 dark elves and beastmen and Chaos. And those are probably my best factions. But I'm really good at the Wood Elf skirmishing, so I don't make, like, one front line in advance for it. I make, like, three groups that are, like, surrounding and coming from different directions. I try to make them separate their forces, and then I isolate and kill with skirmish cavalry and heavy cavalry and archers and stuff like that. But you've got to play a bunch of different styles to play the different races
Starting point is 03:44:29 because the dwarves are completely different. They make a kill box. The dwarves are almost static where it's like you build your forces into a fortress of dwarves and then you use artillery to coax them into getting closer to you. If you have the ranged advantage, they have to come to you. The dwarves are just super
Starting point is 03:44:46 heavy armor. They're very slow. And in Total War 1, if you zoom in on your... She's like, alright! There's like a quack quack sound effect with the dwarves because they waddle around. Let's watch this video. I found this kind of interesting. I thought it was kind of fucked.
Starting point is 03:45:02 So basically, in Milwaukee there was a suspicious package on the sidewalk and okay the the SWAT team i guess with bomb squad or whatever uh like quarantines off the whole fucking street and they surround the package and they lock traffic down and then you know i guess it was putting a damper on this one gentleman's day and he was like he looked to someone near him and said i'm gonna defuse the situation and he rides his bike straight up to the the backpack and he's like just what everybody's so scared of and he just unzips it and dumps all the bullshit out and then things went poorly for him so i'm uh should we start at zero it's time stamped at 40 yeah Yeah. Let me see.
Starting point is 03:45:47 No, I don't know why it's time stamped at 40. My apologies. I don't think I did that, but I might have. Start at zero. I'm ready at zero then. Okay. Okay. Three, two, one, play. Right now, from Milwaukee, this is today's TMJ4
Starting point is 03:46:05 Live at Noon. I thought for a moment that he was going to get blown up. Look at this guy. Now at noon, this crazy scene downtown Milwaukee. Wham! Oh! That's a hard hit. That's it. The hell?
Starting point is 03:46:21 Right? That's it. I saw that in GIF form. I didn't know your backstory. I thought that it was a dude who didn't know that there was any kind of, you know, investigation going on with that bag. And I thought he was just like a vagrant who was going to like look and see if there's anything worth stealing. All right. Now to get all of that and more fleshed out, let's skip to one minute in and pause there. And then I'll wait for Chiz to get
Starting point is 03:46:46 there to one minute in and we'll go again because it it gives you more than that little snippet there. All right. We're there. So three, two, one, play. Into the middle of the street for safety reasons. Then a bomb tech checked on the bag and slowly walked away from it. The backpack seemingly still considered a threat. But then less than 30 seconds later the man on the bike Ripping everything from the backpack before long water bottle here at this He's a hero This guy like it looks like a scene from The Waterboy.
Starting point is 03:47:25 It looks like Bobby Boucher was working local Milwaukee PD. And he was just... Fucking, like, that guy said something about his mama before he went to defuse that bomb. And they tackled him from behind so goddamn hard. It looks like that guy used to play for the Bears or something. He nailed that guy onto the stone street, right? That could have hit his head, cracked his skull open, retarded him or something like that.
Starting point is 03:47:50 Way too hard. I feel like they felt bad because they made him look like an asshole. Exactly. That guy was the... I was going to call him brave. I mean, I guess foolish. I don't know. They must have thought it was a bomb for a reason.
Starting point is 03:48:04 Yeah, but just the same. They should have been like, I guess it was just a water bottle, Tic Tacs, and some condoms. No biggie. Yeah, I mean, I do think the tackle was a little unwarranted.
Starting point is 03:48:19 If they had given him a miniature tackle, like a you just interfere with an investigation, or like a hug and pull him to the ground, I would have been okay with that. But they hit him like they were at the fucking combine trying out. Like, he did that, like, back bowed backwards, where he's like, ah, like if you got, like,
Starting point is 03:48:38 punched by a superhero in a Marvel movie. Like, you're flying across this, like, he, that guy, that's the kind of tackle that could kill someone on concrete. It genuinely could. Gets hit that hard. Anyone who runs on the field, I don't know why,
Starting point is 03:48:56 you run on a football field and you're like, even if you're a girl, like, look at me, look at me. They tackle the fuck out of you. He got one of those tackles. Like some coach who misses his playing days just rocking him that was his next level that was excessive um i i don't chiz is
Starting point is 03:49:12 like i loved it very deserving i i completely disagree i think he means the sports thing oh the football thing oh i got you 10-4 well i i didn't like that i i they shouldn't hit that guy like that you know i i think you're right in a way, Woody. I think he made them look like assholes by going out there and being like, look, it's clearly just a backpack. You think this is Alcatraz's plan to put a JanSport out on the street in Milwaukee? Please, come on. Some homeless guy left his backpack and you guys are messing up my commute. I'm just going to unwrap this thing.
Starting point is 03:49:46 And, ah, my spine! Did you see this Sterling Brown thing? It's kind of in the same vein to me. So Sterling Brown, if you don't know, is a Milwaukee Bucs player. I'm not really a basketball guy. But he plays for the Bucs, and he parks like an asshole a giant asshole uh taylor's just something to look at i'm sorry i'm very interested in this story woody because i know where it's going but could we quickly like because this will only take like five seconds look at
Starting point is 03:50:18 taylor's gif this is a fan this dude got in onto the ice at an NHL game against the Sabres and ran over to their bench. And all the players just start beating the shit out of him. This guy's going to be. This is Rob Ray. Just someone told me he did it on a bet or they dared him like $100 to beat the shit out of this fan. I saw it in like a documentary after the fact. Yeah, this is Rob. And Rob Ray.
Starting point is 03:50:41 Yeah, and he didn't like deny it or anything. He was just like, yeah, $100. He beat him mercilessly. And that guy's going to piss blood for a week. Yeah, and he didn't deny it or anything. He was just like, yeah, $100. He beat him mercilessly. And that guy's going to piss blood for a week. Yeah. Look at those kidney shots. They're just destroying this guy. He's going to look like a battered wife.
Starting point is 03:50:54 Just bruises all over him. Like he's got lead poisoning. And he was only there at the bench for half a second before it was him trying to escape. And they were not letting him go. No, you've come for the fight and you're staying. Yeah. Woody, do you have the video, Woody, of the incident?
Starting point is 03:51:13 I saw it earlier today. No, I don't have a, maybe Chiz can find it. What was his name? I'll dig around. Sterling Brown, I think. And so anyway, he takes three parking spots now if you take two parking spots with your nice car you're an everyday level asshole and i get that right something maybe you have a nice car and you park on the line you sort of take two spots three
Starting point is 03:51:37 i don't even know how you do that like park sideways or something but the cop said like you you cross three lines like can't you see what's up the cop goes up to the basketball player and the basketball player kind of crowds him like he invades the cop's personal space and the cop maybe like pushes off on him or like creates some kind of distance and mind you this guy's a professional basketball player like he's a big strong professional athlete so uh throughout the thing the sterling brass is doing little things that are wrong i hope i have his name right uh he's putting his hands in his pockets and you know how that sets cops off you know you don't put your hands in your hoodie when you're talking to policemen they get all wild
Starting point is 03:52:20 about that he calls for backup he gets like an excessive amount of backup like six cars or something like that and uh at this point i'm kind of pro cop in the story like yeah sterling brown's acting like an asshole and he's not he's just not complying you know how to comply i'm so sorry i took three spots what the hell was i thinking lord only knows knows, right? But he's like, hurry up, can't you write me the ticket, just get this going, et cetera. He's being an ass. But then they go too far with the taser bullshit and the six of them jumping on his back and roughing him up. And now it's hard to be pro anyone in this thing. I'm looking for – my internet's bad it's loading slow i've uh i've got that
Starting point is 03:53:08 article pulled up or the video is it is the top thing going to be a video when i'm done downloading oh here we go oh it's two minutes we can watch this maybe yeah sure i haven't seen any of this footage or i don't even I didn't know anything about this story yeah so they actually released like a 30 or 40 minute video to the public but they condensed it to just the good parts do you want to watch the two minutes together?
Starting point is 03:53:34 sure looking to see, Chiz you ready? Chiz is born ready probably but I'd like him to confirm it. Okay, 3, 2, 1, play. You got a driver's license? Where's that? Where's your driver's license?
Starting point is 03:53:53 Back up. You don't see the issue here? Hold on. You don't see the issue here. You're not parked across three lanes. That's cool. That's cool. You can go back in the car. $23.90.
Starting point is 03:54:10 You touched me first. That's right. I told you to back up. Because you're going to try and get in the car. I'll do what I want, all right? I own this right here. You don't own me, though. So what's your name? Take your hands out of cops. Yeah.
Starting point is 03:54:49 And this is where the cops lose me. Is this the best body cam? Sarcasm. I wanted to talk to you about it. I asked you to move back. You didn't get it. Yeah, it seems like in this situation they definitely escalated it needlessly. Like, he wasn't making any gestures about to be violent or anything.
Starting point is 03:55:46 Was he? I be violent or anything. Was he? I didn't notice anything. He wasn't being like Mr. Respectful Yes Officer, No Officer. But still, he shouldn't get tackled and tased. Yeah, that's where the cops lost me in this. As I'm watching the first third of that video, I'm kind of pro-cop on it on it i'm like get your hands out of your pockets you know that that you should know not to do that and when they said take your hands out of your pockets he was like but i've got things in my hands there's things in my pockets like he didn't he didn't he didn't when the cops just
Starting point is 03:56:19 take your hands out of your pockets he's worried about getting shot make the cop not worried about that you know uh he crowded him right the cop like pushed off or something all of a sudden he's the victim in this thing not the asshole that took three parking spots somehow he's like hey you put your hands on me oh my god dude fucking lighten up you know people put your your professional athlete people touch you suddenly you're like you've got this big problem with the guy like you know creating a little space between you and him and then they get six cops and they tackle him but i guess in response to not taking his hands out of his pockets it's hard to find
Starting point is 03:56:57 anyone clean in this thing but it i feel like it's being painted as this you know the cops were ridiculously wrong thing i mean it's not a hundred percent on either side that's for sure like both sides could have handled that better well only one side was getting was doing their you know at their profession during that altercation this guy is in a parking lot in his free time just being a normal everyday person the cops it's their fucking job to handle that situation correctly. It wasn't like they were on a basketball court and this guy fouled somebody. He's in a fucking parking lot in his civilian life.
Starting point is 03:57:34 It's these guys' jobs to be able to handle that situation correctly. And they were assholes. And then they tased him. And then when they realized who they tased, they're like, oh, shit, i didn't recognize your famous name i guess uh maybe uh maybe uh you could get us some tickets this is gonna be on the news they were still mocking him in my opinion they were you know i didn't recognize your famous name sarcasm you know stuff like that uh well they recognize it now they're all in fucking trouble
Starting point is 03:58:03 and good good good i i think yeah yeah fuck those guys well i mean they are that uh well they recognize it now they're all in fucking trouble and good good good i i think yeah yeah fuck those guys well i mean they are that's what their their boss is saying they acted inappropriately and they're being disciplined okay yeah i i man i i still go back to that one fox news thing i know we watched on the show before where they talked about the importance of compliance and they showed how things could go so wrong and i put myself in this little role play scenario they did where the guy was like whoa whoa whoa like trying to calm and be good and then he reaches behind the van and pulls a gun off the bumper and shoots and then there's another guy where he's coming at the cop aggressively the cop shoots him and all of a sudden his friend is like hey why'd you shoot this unarmed man it's it's really hard to get that right guy has his hands in his pockets and it can go wrong in
Starting point is 03:58:51 one second less than a second it can go wrong that's their job the pockets thing i do get because it's like of like cops when they're working i bet they're just really on edge and so when you see someone who you don't recognize putting their hands in their pockets when you tell them not to after you know a couple times like you're gonna assume the worst so maybe don't tackle them into a car with seven other people and then tase them well i don't get the cause like why did granted it's hard to tell anything from that video at the end with the tasing. The only reason I knew it would happen because of the little sound and then Brown, like, going, ugh. But, like, it seems like they kind of had that under control before that, right?
Starting point is 03:59:32 Absolutely, yeah. No. Like, he was on the ground. The sequence of events to me was, if I have this right, take your hands out of your pockets. He says, no, I've got things in my pockets. Stop being an asshole. And then they, each one of, like, cops from either side grab his arms and try to, like, pull his arms out of his pockets, like, to alleviate that threat. And then they get him on the ground and I guess tase him.
Starting point is 03:59:58 I guess you're saying once they had him on the ground, the threat was over? It seemed like it. Like, it seemed like there was enough bodies on him that it was under control. It seemed like they created any threat that there was. If the cop had been able to do his job appropriately and be an ambassador of law enforcement, then he wouldn't need to call half a dozen other armed men to deal with one guy who parked inappropriately in his probably six-figure car. I didn't see what he was driving, but he's probably at the parking lot of a Domino's or something,
Starting point is 04:00:30 parked across three spaces. Maybe I wouldn't have taken up three, but I'd have probably taken up two. Chiz said they touched him and then asked why. And I don't know that that video showed it as well as another video I saw. The guy crowded him, puffed up his his chest was much taller than the cop and kind of like you know alpha right you know putting you know his neck up against the cop's face and the cop just kind of was creating some space that's why the cop touched him you know and i will say this the cop could have done a better job diffusing the whole thing he could have been like whoa whoa whoa you know and i will say this the cop could have done a better job diffusing the whole thing you
Starting point is 04:01:07 could have been like whoa whoa you know like for sure easy this is just a parking ticket like we're all gonna be okay and uh and and done a better job of that it cops always always fucking alpha everything instead of diffuse at least in these videos. And I don't like that. But the guy was alphing too, if that's a verb. And I didn't like that either. Yeah. Bad cop. Bad cop, no donut. Bad cop, no donut.
Starting point is 04:01:37 Yeah. That's a subreddit, isn't it? It absolutely is. Yeah. No nudity, but a lot of fun. It's no... Innie. It's no... Innie.
Starting point is 04:01:46 Or Simp. Innie's. That's the go-to Kyle section of Reddit. Or the Simp. It's virtually the same as the Innie. Let's watch this clip and then we can sign out of this wonderful show of ours.
Starting point is 04:02:03 Maybe John C. Reilly. This guy put a John C. Reilly overlay on his daughter's face with his phone, and then he does his John C. Reilly impression. Okay, let's see. This is upsetting. I have it frozen at zero.
Starting point is 04:02:18 This is really tied into when we were talking about Homo habilis and all those other creatures. Alright, I'm ready. 3, 2, 1, play. Wait a second, Dad. You don't happen to know where my
Starting point is 04:02:37 baba is, do you? I've been looking all over for it, but I can't find it. That was good. That's a good impression. That's a really good impression. You don't know where my baba is, do you? My baba is, do you?
Starting point is 04:02:53 I like doing those. You can do that on... I do it on Snapchat. I can take any photograph from my gallery, and I can make it into an overlay for my face. I do it with tons of celebrities and then do the impressions,
Starting point is 04:03:08 my best version of them, like saying inappropriate things and send the videos to people. I have a real good time with it. Well, I need to add you on Snapchat then. Ah, no. That's alright. Yeah, I never use Snapchat.
Starting point is 04:03:23 Alright, you guys want to call it a wrap? Yeah. Yeah, check out our sponsors. Links down below. And, yeah. Have a great episode. See you soon.

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