Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #438
Episode Date: May 17, 2019On this week's PKA, just the guys go off to talk about the latest episode of Game of Thrones and the silly crap that happens this episode, followed up with hilarious videos of people getting into figh...ts and a man being bitten by a "Mailbox Snake" and then the guys go to the Creepy Joe Biden website to poke some fun. Exactly what you'd expect out of a classic PKA.
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Painkiller Already, episode 438.
No guests tonight, Kyle.
Couple of sponsors tonight, of course.
ExpressVPN, GetQuip, SmartMouth, and Etudo.
We will talk about all those sponsors later on in the show, of course.
There are links in the description if you just can't wait.
But yes, this is a very special episode of Painkiller Already.
Just us boys. Or just us girls.
It's been a hot minute
hey you know we were gonna start with game of thrones talk i just had a different idea
tell me if you're in we're not very structured i want to hear how your post drinking episode
night went oh just went to bed you just went to bed i went to bed i woke up at 3 a.m and then i
was good to go i went went and played some Rust.
Really?
And watched some movies.
Yeah.
It wasn't my worst night.
I could have thrown up.
If I had decided to just lean over the toilet, then I would have.
I don't know if it was on the show or on my Twitter or whatever.
But someone had given me the advice that I shouldn't go right to bed.
That that would not be the move.
So I stayed up for a while and just kind of
drank water and maybe had an ibuprofen or an aspirin or something and then a few hours later
i went to bed i woke up kind of a mess two episodes of it's always sunny and then went to bed
yeah and how are you the next day fine i was fine really yeah yeah i mean i just woke up and
like i there's a difference between like if i go go to like a Mardi Gras, like huge party or something, and I wake up the next morning, like, oh my God, I feel horrific. And the way I feel after like, I mean, I definitely was somewhat hungover after that, for sure. I guzzled like probably a half gallon of water after the episode ended. But like, really just that feeling of dehydration is what i was suffering
that and then a little bit of a little bit of headache everything colin says is yelling so i
come downstairs in the morning he's like good morning dad i love you i'm just like oh my god
and uh my wife did something i don't know a box with like uh all the packaging material in it and it was
just like everything i'm going back upstairs this is a horrific environment that's always the
stereotype you hear that everything's really loud yeah i've never experienced that i've
every it just is like you get shitty sleep and so i get irritable quicker because even though
you're like asleep when you're drinking there's something with like your rem sleep that you never
quite get there like if you're drunk when you go to bed so's something with your REM sleep that you never quite get there
if you're drunk when you go to bed. So you'll wake up and it's
like, oh, I was asleep for seven hours, so I should
be fine, but good lord, I feel like I slept for 40
minutes. I can't relate to any of this.
Not a bit.
The only side effect I had is I don't remember
the last 45 minutes of the show. I have
no memory of any of that.
But you woke up the next morning.
You said you played Rust at 3 a.m
yeah i slept you know we got off at what like 11 11 30 i have no idea frankly i don't even remember
us going over like what'll be the name of this show after every episode we do this thing where
you know all right and that's a wrap all right so what what was no memory of that whatsoever
did we do that i don't know I don't know either. We did.
I have no memory.
Was I present for it?
I don't know, man.
I honestly don't know.
That's impressive, dude, that you drank that hard, and then by 3 a.m., by like four hours later, you were like,
all right, who wants to hop on and ruin that asshole neighbor's fort?
Yeah, I process alcohol really, really quickly.
If I have four shots, if I take a big belt,
I'm literally good in an hour and a half.
I'm just good.
It's like I'm not tipsy or buzzed anymore.
That's a cool, old-timey way to say it.
Or when they're in Mad Men, where they say,
like, give me two fingers.
Yeah.
And you'd benefit if you had fat fingers with that.
Right.
Like if you're a big fat, fat person.
I could do four fingers and be good to go again in an hour and a half,
just not really feeling anything.
But, yeah, I don't remember the last, I'm going to say,
45 minutes of the show.
I hope I didn't say anything too horrible.
But I awoke the next day and noticed that there was a lot of Waffle House
around me.
And I was like, where'd this come from?
You did Venmo, or not Venmo, whatever the fuck it is.
DoorDash.
Postmates, our sponsors.
Postmates.
Coupon code PKA.
You Postmated a bunch of Waffle House.
Yeah.
You don't remember me eating the Waffle House?
And Woody eating the pizza?
I remember that yeah
Maybe I have no idea
Yes, my friend sent me a screenshot of me eating the burger
And you know how when you feed a dog like like a piece of meat its eyes
Like that's how I am
I mean this ridiculous burger. I had like a burger and hash browns or something like that right in the middle of the show
I guess on the show i thought ordering a pizza with pineapple on it was like a
really funny gag that's not the height of humor but that's what i did yeah i liked it that's the
way it goes whatever i i uh but but yeah i was good to go i think drinking those um what was
that orangey soda thing i was drinking it's 19% juice and the rest is like carbonated water.
San Pellegrino.
That's for rich people.
That's some fancy ass shit.
A six pack of that costs more than a six
pack of beer.
More than a beer?
It might be.
Oh my, that is some rich people
shit.
It's a whole $7
is it more than Pabst Blue Ribbon?
yeah
it probably isn't PBR is like
the hipsters go to
beer like if you go like I have a
I thought it was a cheap beer
it is like but it's so
uncool that hipstery people like it
because it's
you know if they go against came
back that's what they put or a stag or things like that that are so phenomenally uncool that
it circles back around to 80s and cool it's it's like what your dad drank when he was 15 and like
like if they brought schlitz back with one of those those old school like pop tops that make
the big hole it'd sell like crazy like you want a taste of the old days do tops that make the big hole. It'd sell like crazy. Like, you want a taste
of the old days?
Have you ever heard of peels?
When the white man ruled the
world.
Every redneck and white trash piece of shit
in the country would be like, you're goddamn right
I'd like a taste of them sweet old days.
Now, our confederate limited
edition can.
Game of Thrones talk? we used to drink confederate limited edition can game of thrones talk yes robert e lee popped up uh yeah yeah can i start hyping hot take god
damn it i'm done i'm done this has been my favorite show for like literally i think i
started two seasons two seasons were out which is a wonderful way to start any show because you
really get that yeah you know you get to that first cliffhanger of the end and i i think you know when ned died
or whatever i don't recall exactly how the how it goes sequentially but then you're like
shit season two here we go let's see what happens next and i got that full experience
then i've been hooked for like the last five years and i've watched a lot of youtube videos
and i've seen people talk about what has gone wrong and whether it's the writing not being based on the books or whether it's just character decisions about what characters do that don't necessarily make sense.
I don't know. It's probably a combination of all the above. But I'm done. I don't like the show anymore, frankly. I really don't.
I'm done. I don't like the show anymore, frankly. I really don't.
And it's not some sexist
white male bullshit.
I'm okay with Arya killing
the white
Night King. I'm not. It doesn't make sense with the
story at all. Or with the prophecy
or any of that. It doesn't make sense with the
prophecy. That bugs me a little bit.
Maybe if...
What if we found out she had a penis this whole
time? And that was the shocker. That would win me back. That would win me right back. You know who would be surprised? Gendry. it like like maybe what if we found out she was she had a penis this whole time like that and
that would win me back that'd win me right back you know who'd be surprised gendry oh not a surprise
to me my lord but but like i like sucking her little cock just literally a little cock
i thought it was a big clit
I thought it was a piglet.
But when it came over to me, I was confused.
Theon's over there.
I wish I had a little cock.
She's a squirter, you know.
And then he's just got like dried cum.
So like, let's just talk about the most recent episode and some of the nonsense.
Yeah, what was it that... I'm sure you went into it the way I did, where I was like, let's try and be more positive.
Absolutely.
I want to love it.
I want to...
I was okay with it. I want to love it. I was okay with it.
I want to like it. It's a good way to say it.
The opening scenes were good enough for me.
I liked them in Winterfell rejoicing,
celebrating the victory. That was good stuff.
It brought me back to two episodes
ago where... Oh, that wasn't the opening scenes,
but I do know what you're talking about.
It brought me back to two episodes ago when they're
preparing for the battle, and it's kind of the
polar opposite. Everybody's sitting around talking and drinking but they're very
sober like not literally sober as far as alcohol but they're it's a sober mood a sober tone it's
very dry and this is like the polar opposite of that it's like we won and we lived and this guy's
a hero and this person's a hero and it's great and you got to see little things like like like i
don't care about the love story between,
um,
Jamie and Brianne.
She just saw that coming all the way.
And I guess I kind of did too.
I didn't say anything.
Brianne's been giving him fuck me eyes for six years now.
Yeah.
Yeah,
for sure.
And,
uh,
I liked the,
the hound over there sort of toasting Aria,
the,
the,
the hero of Winterfell.
And that was all good.
But when we got to Daenerys flying her dragon high above the sea
and not seeing the fleet of ships that we'd already talked about,
and then Euron sniping the dragon out with three consecutive...
I know he didn't personally fire all three shots, I'm aware of that.
But Euron and his crew firing three consecutive bolts that hit the dragon kill shots like there wasn't
one of the foot or one of the tail or one through the wing like it was like chest chest head or neck
or something like that and and i'm just like immediately i'm like bullshit for so many reasons
and not bullshit based on my reality,
not bullshit based on movie realities in general,
bullshit based on the reality that you made for us.
Game of Thrones,
bullshit based on your own fucking rules about how dragons work,
about how those ballists,
those scorpions,
which is what the ballistas are called work.
And based on like,
like what we've seen,
like the previous,
like baddest motherfucker in the,
in the kingdom do,
which is the night King throwing javelins,
he only hit one out of four.
I think he threw maybe four javelins in his whole thing.
He threw one at the Battle of Winterfell,
and maybe he threw three total in the first scene
when they're out above the wall.
He's like one for three, one for four, something like that.
He's a 300 hitter
but you're on the fucking he's the fucking ted williams of shooting fucking ballistas into the
air a baseball player with a high fucking batting average from from back in the day didn't he blow
his brains out i don't fucking know i'm not a baseball historian i just know ted williams was
a good fucking hitter all i'm saying is I called bullshit big time.
And look, I don't care that you killed her dragon.
That's cool to kill her dragons and power her down
and drive her closer and closer to the edge
so she'll do irrational things.
Don't do it like that, though.
That's fucking stupid.
Dragon scales are tough as steel.
Those ballistas cannot pierce them.
That's bullshit.
It's just bullshit.
And look, I know the whole thing about how dragon scales get harder the older they are and these dragons are only six or seven
years old and but and i know how the in the old stories with like valerian the dread or whatever
the fuck he was called they had to shoot him right in the eye to kill those old dragons with stuff
and still they keep fighting i don't care about that what i'm saying is all three of these went
right through the fucking dragon.
Like,
like the dragon was made of putty and I called bullshit.
And then I call bullshit on what she does next,
which is fly straight toward them in terror and like anger,
and then turn away and leave instead of flanking them,
coming down from a high angle of approach,
going around those rocks and coming from behind them.
Are those things really on a 360 degree swivel?
I don't think so. I don't know. again people who played total war they know how to use those units and are those ballistas and if those ballistas exist in this world and i'm aware
that kyburn apparently just made those things but if they exist now shouldn't they be on every
fucking ship in the realm since they're literally more powerful than pirate cannons?
Like they're like black.
They they eviscerated those those big, heavy ships of Daenerys.
They just blew holes straight through them.
Like you could never you would never you could never win a naval warfare engagement against those if you don't have those.
That's that's like when when like modern navies added like the big guns that can shoot over
the horizon and like one team doesn't have them and they're like we are fucked through like like
when that's a technological advance that that you don't just skippity dippity over so then i call
bullshit on masandi being plucked out of the ocean oh yeah we've we remember that cute chick with the afro right let's pluck her out
who made that decision amongst these barbaric pirate men who are supposed to have their
fucking tongues cut out by the way who made that decision to pluck her out of the water
now i'm skipping around a lot here that's a good point i didn't consider that though like why would
they pick some random ass bitch they don't know that she's if they didn't pluck her out they'd
have literally raped her to death
If you showed me that scene
I'd have felt like it was a bit more like Game of Thrones
You know I'm glad they didn't have a raping her to death scene
I'm glad they didn't have a raping her to death scene
But in lieu of what we had
I preferred it
And I'm skipping around here
Because I'm trying to erase this episode from my memory
But then we end up at King's Landing
Bootleg backwaters
king's king's landing which i'm pretty sure is filmed somewhere in tennessee now all right when
i remember what i remember king's landing was a gigantic majestic city with a lush fucking forest
outside remember when tyrian was meeting with oberyn martell he was trying to meet with oberyn
but the prince of dorne arrived before dawn,
and he is in the city somewhere enjoying the pleasures. He's in a lush fucking forest with
these huge hardwood trees that are gargantuan. And in the books, I remember reading about how
there's that big forest out there, and how there's a lot of stories about the bandits in the forest
and stuff, and the knights, Barriss and Selmy having to go out there and fight those knights.
They're supposed to be a big fucking forest. it's like scrub brush and you get to see one
wall at an at a real sharp angle so you can't even tell how bad the cgi is on this fucking wall
like like where did your budget go gamer thrones why did you cheap out on this major set piece
which is the wall of the city that whole budget on the battle that you can't even see. I want to jump in.
One more thing.
Okay.
Pet your goddamn dog, Jon Snow.
I'm glad you said that.
His ear's cut off.
You're walking into my thing.
It lost an ear.
I have...
Here's my take on this.
And people are fussing about the writing a ton.
They don't like the buildup, which I'm kind of with them.
They don't like a lot who the whole the build-up which i'm kind of with them they don't
like a lot of things about the plot armor and in 2004 alan iverson led the u.s olympic basketball
team to a bronze medal and people shit all over him for that they they were like the fuck is wrong
with this guy we're america we always win this and they said Allen Iverson wasn't good enough. Kind of. But I didn't blame Allen Iverson for that bronze medal.
I blamed Kobe.
I blamed Shaq.
I blamed Jordan.
I blamed the people who didn't fucking show up and play.
So, when you're fussing at D&D for the...
Hold on here.
When you're fussing at D&D for the writing,
fuss at Gurr Martin for the lack of writing.
He's the fucker who's been sitting on his ass
going to trade shows,
just, I don't know, dripping in pussy or whatever the fuck he's doing,
not writing the show.
Remember that cute little conversation we used to have
about whether the book would come out in time to get in front of the fifth season?
That cute little conversation.
How adorable we were back then, thinking that he was going to write another book.
He is not going to write even one more book.
He's done.
I think he'll get one more out.
There's no way that guy's even drowning in pussy.
Can you imagine his skin tags?
I have more.
It has become fashionable to hate on this show.
I've watched hours worth of YouTube hating the show.
Petting the dog is one of my prime examples of irrational hate on the show really
you're fussing because the dog wasn't pet we all know why he didn't pet the dog because the cgi is
expensive right that's just so much more expensive how many subscriptions do i have to steal
oh my god angry joe went ballistic on pet the dog it's become a running theme and all these YouTube videos I watch complaining about the Pet the Dog, Pet the Dog, Pet the Dog.
You know what?
This isn't the dog petting channel.
It's okay if he just salutes the dog and they save $250,000 in CGI.
Not for me.
Okay.
The dragons, right?
People are complaining that the dragon died.
The dragon died too easily.
You did that.
People would also complain if the dragon didn't die.
If the ballista had been shot
and it bounced off his scale,
then they would have said this plot armor
is too much of a problem.
What are we going to do about these dragons?
And by the way,
Qyburn beefed up the ballistas between seasons,
according to the YouTuber I watched.
I didn't stain them side by side,
but the ballista wasn't that effective
when they attacked Jamie, I think.
It bounced off or something.
So they beefed up the ballistas and now they work.
I will admit, these things are better than trebuchets.
Reddit needs to get their shit together at this point.
They're taking out dragons and ships. they're not just putting holes in ships they're blasting their sides like
u.s artillery three minutes to destroy that entire floor like it was like three minutes and nine of
those darts i get it they're op but the thing is i complained about plot armor around john snow for
a year now and if you re-watch battle the Bastards and see the arrows do everything but hit him,
see every guy charging him with spears and swords
only to, like, I don't know, hit a gopher hole
right before they get to Jon Snow,
then, you know, like, I can't do that
and then complain, you know, the dragon died too easily.
You know what?
But the things that happen to Jon Snow happen in a battle.
Like, battles are absurd.
Like, you look at those Medal of Honor stories
about literally bullets going through the guy's clothes.
If you're going to have a celebrated hero,
then...
And that's what a Medal of Honor winner is.
If you're telling the story of the greatest
hero there ever was, then it's...
I like that they're showing that...
I like that they're showing that it wasn't just that this guy
was the best swordsman there ever was.
What's so great about that?
Like, if you're like, yeah, he won every battle.
How?
Well, he was just better than everybody else.
It wasn't even fucking fair.
Oh, no, he won every battle.
How?
Well, the gods must have touched him because I saw 15 arrows land around the man.
I saw a man coming to cut his head off.
Watch Battle of the Bastards again, dear viewer.
I'm sure Kyle knows it.
And then watch it through the lens of, yeah, this guy is just surrounded by plot armor.
Every time he's about to get beheaded, the horse hits a gopher hole.
Every time they fire a volley of 397 arrows, they land around him like that woman at the circus spinning and they throw the knives at.
It's magical how he's not hit.
And the whole, like, resurrected because he has a purpose or whatever that doesn't save people as witnessed by the guy
that got had to be resurrected is it seven times something like that yeah yeah seven i don't know
so um it's plot armor so when they kill the dragon i'm like you know what good i'm glad the dragons
aren't bulletproof now we have a show again.
No.
I actually came down.
I came down with the dragon thing.
I'm fine with them killing the dragon.
It's how you kill the dragon within the rules that you've already established.
A lot of people are upset that the ships ambushed the dragon.
Yeah.
Dude, you fly.
The writing's not good.
You fly.
You know you'd have seen those boats.
I would have seen boats.
You've been like, holy shit, guys.
Did you see the clip with the director of the show?
There's an armada here this time.
I did.
I did.
Where he said that.
Where he said he's like.
She forgot about it.
She forgot about the Euron's fleet.
And it was like, no.
No, that was a previous episode where like Varys or Tyrion or whatever is like.
Yeah, the previous scene where they're like
and we can't forget about these ships over here
she's like ah yes those ships over there
she came around totally
why would you be flying you know the armada's
out there and she's like ah that's a good point
the best part of the episode
was when Tyrion kept
pressuring Jaime to tell him what
Brienne's pussy looked like
I got a kick out of that
the worst part and this is a continuing kept pressuring Jamie to tell him what Brienne's pussy looked like. I got a kick out of that.
The worst part, and this is a continuing theme, is I am tired
of pretending that the actress who
plays Daenerys isn't a
horrible, horrible actress.
Go back and watch the battle where
she's crying over Ser Jorah
when he dies, and look at her
tears. She has to awkwardly angle
her head down so you can't
obviously see like this bitch looks like she just ate a warhead that's not crying you know what i
got the opposite opinion taylor when she interacts with sansa when she interacts with sansa is a way
better actress i think i wouldn't disagree i but but the way that she does this like mean girl
thing like you know i'm the queen and and you know sans thing, like, you know, I'm the queen.
And,
and you know,
Sansa's like,
yeah,
you're the queen.
And,
and they're just sort of like,
there's a lot of unspoken,
unspoken communication and one-upsmanship there that Amelia Clark does really
well for me.
Kyle,
I have another thing I hate.
Okay.
Another thing I hated from the episode.
Bronn walks right into a bar where there are only two people in the bar.
One of them is Jaime Lannister,
the Kingslayer. The other is
Tyrion Lannister, Hand of the Queen.
No guards outside. Nobody's
even in there to have a beer to look at
two of the most famous men in the realm.
If you knew that there
was a bar and Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt were chilling
in it... Wait, they weren't at a bar. They were in
a private quarters in the Lannister side.
They were just at a bar? They were in a private quarters like in the wayness or they were just in a bar like a tavern oh that's even dumber i don't even know who's serving them the beer the bartender was like look oh shit bron's here first of all bron
makes it into the encampment even though he was just at last time bron interacted with targaryens
he was at war with them with jamie at at that battle. I'll buy that nobody recognized Bronn from the battle,
even though he was the guy doing a lot of shit.
I'll buy that, 100%.
But I don't know about Tyrion not having a single guard.
Okay, maybe he doesn't.
Maybe he's real loose with it, loosey-goosey,
and everybody knows the half-man,
and nobody would mess with the imp,
and the Kingslayer is there, one-handed and all,
so maybe that's just okay.
Bronn shows up with a crossbow
again this goes the most effective close combat weapon it'd be pretty good if me and you're in a
room with crossbow you're a dead man if you miss i have three minutes to stab you thank you do you
remember the i think braun literally says this this might be braun's line it's someone's line
in game of thrones though It's a good weapon.
Takes too long to reload, though.
Bronn fires a warning shot at Jaime to let him know he means business and goes, like it's a 12-gauge pump, and he's locked and loaded again.
Like, what the fuck was that?
Even the technology that...
That's a special crossbow.
They crank it up.
You've got to crank it though.
It takes forever. You have to put it face down
on the ground, put your foot in the little holster thing
and then crank it.
It was made for that weak-ass bitch Joffrey who had no
physical gifts at all. He couldn't
cock his own crossbow like a man where you grab
it and pull it. He needed a cranky-danky
like a pussy boy.
I object to you giving Joffrey a hard time.
That was the show's peak
joffrey's your second best villain that you've had in the show probably second best acted
character after ramsay okay ramsay ramsay frightened me joffrey made me a little nervous
but like when those two whores are in there with joffrey and he's like hit her no now hit her with
this you're like oh shit hot ramsay would have been like fucker now hit her with this you're like oh shit harder ramsey would have been like fuck her
now fuck her with this ramsey's heart ramsey right play with her blood ramsey rapes people
with dogs and has hounds rip you apart if you don't fuck him right and if you if you get pregnant
while he's raping you he'll kill you for that like ramsey is evil incarnate he's he's the kind
of evil that that you see like
darth vader and you're like he's evil but a lot of it is purposeful evilness joffrey was a whole
lot of tear the wings off bugs for entertainment yeah it's both it's both have you guys noticed
the precipitous decline in dialogue the last three years culminating in like like to your
point earlier woody where you're
like blame george rr martin go back and watch episode you know is episode four of season two
or some like that i don't know i just picked an episode out of my ass but the dialogue's a
lot better because they have george rr martin's source material to work with that little like
conversation between daenerys and jon she was so ham-handed in it she should have been wearing a
fucking sandwich board that says i am a bad guy now it was so over the top there was no nuance
to it not that she's ever been a good leader in any capacity but like the the back and forth the
the the the tyrian and the sir the not sir varus just varus their little conversation not reminiscent
at all i just feel like conversations they used to have.
I just feel like G.R.R. Martin should take more heat
for this because he's the one that
quit. He quit.
Someone else is writing. They might be bad
writers, but they're writing the fuck out of
G.R.R. Martin right now who is doing
what? Chicks and pina coladas?
I don't know, but not writing.
They're writing the equivalent of like
four pages of Martin though though and martin's
there let's not act like martin died already he's there as a as a consultant he's there to like
give them lines he's there as a writer as this is my this is my thor is he though is he though
you know like it i i know that he has a credit of some sort but my as far as i i don't see his
influence i i think he's there i i think you got
to blame i don't know who to blame but that but i i think the the two creators of the show the
benioff guy and the other one like maybe they call him yeah i think they're to blame for this
or something like you were talking about the writing taylor and how good it used to be
one of my favorite scenes in the entire show isn't a battle or or a cgi monster it's when
little finger and varus are going back and forth in the great they're in like the great hall in
king's landing and and they're sort of one upping each other in what they know about the other it's
like well when was the last time i saw you hmm well the last time you saw me or the last time
i saw you well you were doing this and that that you shouldn't have been doing well the last time i you saw me or the last time i saw you well you were doing this and that
that you shouldn't have been doing well the last time i saw you you were doing this and that that
you shouldn't have been doing with you know who ah a representative from essos our enemies what
was that all about well i was talking to him about how you're a boy fucker actually he's a boy fucker catcher and it's like this one epsom on the boy fucker
catcher where is he that was golden writing it's i i watched the episode and i didn't instantly
hate it i wasn't in love with it but i was like you know what they're just setting the table for
the for the episode to follow you have to advance the plot it can't all be sword swinging and that's
what they did. And then I
watched all the reviews about it and everyone was
like, Game of Thrones is freaking awful
terrible now. I think they forgot
some of the set the table episodes before.
Some of the times. I don't think people
dislike it because it's a set the table episode.
I don't even think this was necessarily a set the table
episode. They didn't move forward with quite a bit.
You see Miss Sandy die.
That's what I think. The show is so off the rails that it's like what this isn't what any of
these characters would be doing like all the fan service they're doing like they're just basically
creating woo moments for the crowd where it's like woo brian and uh fucking jamie finally got
together woo i wasn't fan service by that at all I was looking for her to be with the red-headed dude.
None of us were.
Because we've been watching for a while
and we kind of know the...
And we've all read the books.
So we kind of know the way it would go and we know how to anticipate it.
If you're just a show-watcher...
Even the show-watchers
aren't liking it. I'll take that back.
Even the show-watchers are starting to come around
and be like, no, this just isn't very good anymore.
I don't like it.
What's better?
What's the better show than Game of Thrones on?
This is sweep seasons.
Everyone's doing their best stuff.
I think it's still the best show on TV.
Those two Indonesian guys that build mud huts on YouTube,
that's a better show.
Touche.
Those guys are awesome.
They make fish ponds.
They make hot tubs. They make fry. Who was the original guy? The funniestche. Those guys are awesome. They make fish ponds. They make hot tubs.
They make little fry-
Who was the original guy?
The funniest thing about those guys is that they live in the woods, but they still use
Photoshop in their thumbnails.
It'll be like, oh, we are going to cook a steak on a hot rock.
And then the thumbnail will be a giant-ass porterhouse on there, and then you click on
the video.
I did this literally last night.
I think the last season of Vikings
was better. It's just a tiny little strip. I think the last season
of Vikings was better than this season of Game of
Thrones has been so far. I mean, granted, we're
only like four episodes in, but it's only six episodes
long. You've seen two-thirds of it.
Yeah, I've seen enough
to know I'm not going to enjoy how it... This is going
to go down with Lost and Sopranos
for one of the worst kind of ends.
Sopranos? No, no, no. But you're talking about Sopranos, Taylor. I've never finished either of those series. I'm only to go down with Lost and Sopranos for one of the worst kind of ends. Sopranos? No, no, no.
But you're talking about Sopranos, Taylor. I've never finished either of those series.
I'm only coming from the, you know,
Well, you're wrong about that.
It's Lost and Dexter.
Lost and Dexter.
Those are the bad endings.
You're right.
I did watch Dexter.
People were shocked by the Sopranos ending
and left a bit unfulfilled,
but you couldn't hate it
because it was nothingness.
It was a suggestion of what has happened and it
hearkened back to tony's own words when he's in a boat with bobby bacala and they're talking about
what it's like to die and and he's like i i think maybe it just all goes black an assassin walked
into the fucking diner shot tony and it just went black because tony was our our eyes and ears and
mouth in this world that is the sopranos universe i universe. I didn't love the ending, but I don't hate the ending.
Okay, hearing that explanation, that actually sounds pretty good.
Yeah, I thought it was good.
Remember Dexter carrying his dead sister out of the fucking hospital
and crying like a bitch?
Like a guy who's not a serial killer?
Like a sociopath?
I thought the Dexter ending was okay.
Most people really hated it. You and the writers of Dexter.
I thought the Sopranos ending was good.
I thought the Lost ending was
so terribly horrific. I'm still
a little mad about it.
I never watched Lost, but
I had a friend who was super into it at the time
and he was like, so
the polar bears that live on the island and the
smoke ghost and all these things
just happened and there's no explanation?
That's what I kind of feel like Game of Thrones
is. It's like, oh, Azor Azai?
That's just nothing now? Oh, that
battle that was long prophesied between the
Night King and, well, I mean, it wasn't prophesied
but it was kind of led towards the show between
Jon and the Night King. Jon and the Night King
have been giving each other, one day day i'm gonna kick your ass looks for three years now
what's really dumb is they gave like five fighters on the team that we were rooting for valyrian
steel swords and as soon as you see all of the night walkers or the white walkers you're like
oh it's finally gonna go down they finally have a weapon that can compete they're going to get in a big five on five brawl with the the white walkers with their now valerian
steel swords you got all of them in there nope nope none of that happened can i give you a better
ending to this show than what we got like like like just off the top of my head you get what
taylor just said right you get like i'm not gonna name our five favorite guys it could be different
for everyone our five favorites the ones thealyrian steel, they face off against the five or six of
the White Walkers, right, in, like, single combat, it's a big battle, they're all fighting,
and we're winning a little bit, we're winning a little bit, and then the Night King really
starts going ham, and he starts killing our favorite characters, and then, like, Jon Snow
is really going ham, he's killing most of the White Walkers, and it's
gotten down to a 3v2, and it's like
Jon and fucking name your other
favorite guy. Redhead.
And then the Night King
raises up our heroes.
Our favorite heroes are risen
up, and the sad music
comes on. The music that comes on when
all hope is lost, and
they all get cut down
as the camera
rises into the sky. You don't see Jon Snow
get stabbed in his face and blood.
The camera just goes straight up, looking straight
down, and you see the swords fall
upon Jon Snow. And then,
at the end,
all of our heroes are White Walkers, and they're descending
on Cersei,
and Cersei meets a horrific ending at the hands of our heroes who are now White Walkers.
Give me that.
Give me the Night King sitting on the throne.
That's how you wrap it?
Bad guys win.
That's how I wrap it.
Bad guys win.
I wouldn't have loved that, but I would have respected it.
Just the same way I didn't love Soprano's ending, but I respected it.
What we're getting now is this fan service shit.
That's not only fan service.
It's also not within the rules that you set for us, Game of Thrones.
I say this time and time again about every sci-fi fantasy.
Name a show.
You set the rules, and I will follow them.
But you better follow them too.
I'll believe your rules, but you cannot break your
own rules without a massive explanation
for why the rules are being broken. I can't get on
board with a lot of the complaining I've been hearing.
I watch all these YouTube videos about it
and a lot of people are complaining about
the talking in front of the castle. Cersei
is so evil. She's shown a
proficiency at
killing people and a
lack of remorse over it, they would have wiped out
Danny. She was within range, etc.
And I'm like, really? You are
complaining that she's 100 yards too
close? That's your big problem
with the show? Maybe you're complaining
too much about little things.
You know,
I didn't say that one, but I had thought about
that one when I watched it.
That's absolutely what would have happened.
Weren't there those ballistas on the walls in that scene?
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, apparently these things are fucking laser beams, so just aim it and...
What would have happened in an earlier scene?
If you remember how Cersei took power from Ned Stark, how she conspired with a third party,
and then there was an ambush just when ned stark
thought he was getting the upper hand it was like no no lord stark and the guy he puts his hand on
on him and like it's it's game over and it's like no no no no like as as like our heroes are all
being cut down and all of ned stark's family guard are being chopped to bits and they're taking him
away that's what would have happened right there she showed showed up with, I'm going to guesstimate, 50 men
and that's being generous.
50 fucking men.
You could have sent the peasants of King's Landing out.
She could have been like,
peasants of King's Landing,
a chest of gold to the man
who brings me the head of Daenerys Stormborn
and open those fucking gates
and it would have been GG.
I've seen more people in line in
the drive-thru at chick-fil-a yeah than her army breakfast forget about it like 65 people those
chick minis are delicious oh those chick minis are so good that you know i i saw uh something on
twitter where they were like chick-fil-a is now the third biggest uh fast food chain in america
i can't wait until it's number one,
because then it's going to be as popular as Subway.
There's going to be a Chick-fil-A everywhere.
None of them are going to be crowded.
Or maybe all of them will be crowded.
I'd be okay with that.
But back to that, why didn't she just start firing the ball?
All the ballistas trained on the dragon, fire.
Why is there not all of her cavalry in the woods that don't exist now?
Because we can't afford woods.
I feel like people are watching with a more critical eye than they used to.
You know, people didn't say,
why didn't Ned leave earlier? Why did
Ned go to King's Landing? Why did
this happen? Why did that happen?
Why wasn't Arya clever enough to do this
or that other thing? Why did she stay...
They gave us the answers to all those questions.
No, she made mistakes along the way.
Ned's an honorable man because Ned was very
honorable and this is his best friend and they had
a long
conversation, Robert and Ned, about how...
There was a lot more development back then of why these
seemingly stupid decisions were made.
And something I could see is that if
that fat fuck ever releases
the books, that this exact same thing
happens, but there's like
200 pages
of explanation of why it happens.
He will have hindsight. He'll have heard of all this
complaining. He's going to give us a good ending.
If he writes
the books. Let me just preface with that.
You said he's writing. He's got
thousands of manuscript pages, right?
Who said that? He's very deep in.
No, he's very deep in.
I accused him of getting laid, which I'm sure is inaccurate.
Well, that's even more egregious.
What do you mean
you can't find it?
You have to push the sides of the
fat down.
Dude,
in my head, here's one thing that I
will agree with the complainers on.
I feel like the pacing isn't right.
You know, like,
what got done in previous years,
right? Like, we had a whole season and all there was was Battle of the Bastards.
In this year, there's going to be six episodes with two battles on that scale.
In previous years, we might go a year and not that much happened.
And now they've taken four years, crunched it into six episodes.
It's a little tight.
I think it's three seasons crunched into six episodes.
I think that'd be fair to say. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it really is. And all into six episodes. I'll take that.
It really is.
And all those missed episodes, let's call them, let's see,
30 minus six is fucking 24.
Those 24 episodes that we didn't get,
that's all the stuff that all three of us could agree that we love and we need.
I need the minutia.
This is a slow-paced show, goddammit.
This isn't like an action movie, not necessarily like,
like it's,
it's,
it's a drama.
It should be like a six to one setting,
setting the stage episodes to like conflict.
I need the buildup.
You know,
the,
one of the reasons that I,
I enjoyed the scene where Aria had her little sword fight with Brienne in the
courtyard of,
of Winterfell so much was,
you spent six years showing me her train. You showed me six years of this little girl becoming a bad motherfucker, being trained by the Hound and Syrio Forel, the Fersol de Braavos.
And then you showed me going and becoming a faceless man and being trained by the Waif
and Jaqen H' you showed me you showed me her
killing one of the the the king's guard who was a pedophile in a brutal fucking fashion you showed
me her first kill when she stabbed that fat boy you showed me her second and third or fourth kill
or whatever when she's fighting with the hound over the chick you really want to die over some
chicken someone is yeah like you showed me though by the way where does that writing come
in nowadays when was the last time you had a moment like that like the hound saying someone's
gonna die over some fucking chicken i'm gonna eat every fucking chicken in this place he had like
three one liners in five minutes and every time he says when you're getting harder you're just
getting harder the whole time those weren't even the best lines those were great lines but when aria like um i think repeated the words that he gave to her as she killed him i
think that's how it went yes that was amazing that was amazing i love that his one-liner uh
hound's one-liner in this episode was a prostitute getting too close to him and him going
and i was like oh you hurt boy like when she's slowly murdering that man who killed her friend
like like yeah years before uh look we're probably probably about done with game of thrones talk about
to me okay yeah i don't want to beat people over the head with it by the way what's all of our 10
out of our 10 ratings out of 10 ratings the last episode one episode i'm gonna give it the exact same
rating i think i gave the previous one which is a five five out of ten all right so my scale is on
the scale of game of thrones episodes not on the scale of entertainment in general because game of
thrones has a high bar yeah i give it i give it a three hmm wow I've got seven in my head.
I don't know if I want to go that high.
Is it a better than average Game of Thrones episode?
I just don't think it was as bad as people are saying it is.
I'll go six.
Everyone's saying it's awful,
and I'm like, no,
this is just a Between the Battles episode
where they kind of explain how they got there.
The reloading crossbow thing?
I feel like that's a piece of minutiae
that I can overlook.
That is a little bit of minutiae that I can overlook. Even though it's been set up before.
That is a little bit of minutiae
that I can overlook
because it's also understood that like,
you know,
they both know Bron.
He's got his little curved dagger behind him
and Jamie's got one hand.
So if Bron wanted to,
he could beat the shit out of both of them
with his bare hands.
I hated that scene so much.
I liked the dragon dying.
I liked the dragon dying,
just not how it died. How did you want the dragon to die?
Okay, fair enough
In a realistic way that's been set up by the show
Oh, you just needed some
Have you ever come up with that fucking dragon horn?
If you're on it, I go, Haroo!
And the dragon had to just go, Ehhh!
And like, you know how the brown note makes you shit yourself?
Like if you'd gone, Haroo!
And just the dragon starts shitting
And then the dragon starts and then the dragon
shits itself let me lay this out shitting oceans of green shit all over the crew of its own like
the friendly vessels and dragon shit no one knew this acidic acidic and they're all screaming and
their faces are melting off like that scene and raiders of the lost ark not the lord do you mean
to tell me you've only been using one end of these beads?
Do show watchers even know about the dragon horn?
I think they might not.
That's a double-bowled dragon right there.
For anyone who's lost by the dragon horn, here's the scoop.
In the books, Euron spent years away from Greyjoy.
No, what is it?
Euron spent years away from Greystone?
The Iron Islands?
Where is that place?
Yeah, the Iron Islands.
Let's just call it the Iron Islands
because I can't remember the actual seat of power.
All right, so he spent years away from the Iron Islands,
and the theory is that he was looking for a horn
that lets you control dragons.
And in the book, they think he might have it,
but he doesn't reveal it and say,
look, this is a horn.
So Kyle's referring to that horn that controls dragons
that he may or may not have.
But I guess it would have showed up by now.
Have me a scene with Euron and Cersei.
Give me a whole episode of this.
Let me say that.
30 minutes.
I don't give a fuck about Euron.
Stick with me here.
This is how you make,
and that's a problem, right?
No one gives a fuck about Euron.
I need a 30 minute scene
where Euron is sitting in bed
at post coitus with Cersei.
He's fucked her.
And she's like,
tell me about your travels and i
need a flashback and now euron's got long hair go ahead put a wig on him shave his face let me
let me buy him this is long ago and show me his travels in like a montage almost with his voice
over i call i call him the highest mountains and dove the lowest seas i went to here and there and
western farther west than any man has ever dared
sell and that's where i found it i've raped in each corner of this world tell me a tell me a
story like build him up as a badass right like like i was listening to kevin smith talk about
writing um with uh for for um bruce willis and how like there's a character bruce willis is like
no this character is supposed to be a badass. We need to establish that here.
When he steps into the room, you need to know this is a badass.
Kind of like in Rambo, there's a scene in Rambo where Rambo First Blood, Rambo 2.
I think that's Rambo, no, Rambo First Blood, I'm sorry.
The first Rambo, where he's in the Northwest fighting the sheriff or whatever.
Where the colonel comes in and the colonel's trying to explain to the sheriff
who they've picked to fight with.
You don't understand who you're dealing with.
He's the best. With guns. With knives.
With his bare hands. In Vietnam,
he was a jungle fighter.
A guerrilla fighter. And he did his job well.
No one's ever been as good.
He goes through this whole montage, this soliloquy.
Because the audience has never seen Rambo
before. We know Stallone.
He was Rocky.
But is he really a guerrilla fighter?
No.
This colonel comes in.
He lays it on thick.
Let's you know that, no, no, no.
You're dealing with the best of the best.
We just dropped him in solo in the jungles of Nam.
And he went ham.
All right?
If we'd had 10 Rambos, we'd be having fucking tea in North Vietnam right now, boys.
You don't understand. And you're like,
oh, well, shit. Well, buckle up.
We're fucking... That's who Rambo
is. I needed that for Euron.
And if Euron had had... Fuck the Queen.
And by the way, show me some more titties.
I don't need... I know what to do with this.
The actors have gone too big time.
They've all gone too big time.
You used to see pussy.
Did you... You need to re-watch
the scene of danny fucking carl that's what i call him screw me um and and her taking a doggy style
it i think it's rape it's their first night of marriage maybe yeah and um well he owns her
i think she owned that rape. I don't know.
Anyway, if you watch her get a good dick in that scene,
you'll be like, damn, Game of Thrones used to lay it down.
Now we have a hint of butt cleavage.
And it's not lady butt cleavage.
The most nudity I can remember is Jon Snow's ass last year.
I was talking about Arya's butt cleavage.
Well, who can forget that?
Oh, yeah.
You know, a good way
for them to do it, like the Euron thing you're saying,
like something that would win me back over is
if there's a Hank Hill cameo
and he like berates Dany where he's like,
God dang it, Dany.
You could shoot that flame twice as far
if you fueled your dragons with propane.
I've got a lot of accessories.
Now, why would you not forget
that those ships were there?
We should probably move on.
But yeah, I think the complaining's overdone
about Game of Thrones.
But Dad, she didn't know those ships were there.
God dang it, Bobby, it was in the previous scene.
I have a topic.
Those boats can hide in the rocks, Hank.
You don't understand. They're invisible.
It's been established. Euron's an
excellent sailor.
Bobby, I swear.
That would win the show back. I need Dale's conspiracy
theory about how... Those boats
were part of the Philadelphia experiment.
It allows
ships to be cloaked and virtually
invisible.
Those boats were never even there
I need that scene
but yeah
I'm back on the Game of Thrones wagon if they got a bunch
of King of the Hill cameos
I DM'd the directors of that show
until they blocked me with these ideas
I choose to believe that's true.
They didn't care about my crude artwork
depicting the lesbian.
He'd cray on.
Nancy! Those boats were
never there!
Slipped John Redcorn in there.
Come on.
The boats were
definitely there.
In Denver, oh the boats were definitely there in denver they have legalized magic not legalized they decriminalized magic mushrooms i didn't know what decriminalized meant uh and i imagine there's some viewers who don't correct me
if i get this wrong but i think it means it's legal to use them it's legal to own them probably
to some certain amount but it's still not legal to sell them so it's not the pot situation that you have in like i don't know 20 states now now what it
means is um that it's not like a uh a criminal if you don't become a criminal by doing it but
you can still get ticketed you can be ticketed for having them selling them owning them using
them all that stuff but you won't go to jail oh you still get ticketed are you sure about that
yeah that's what decriminalization decriminalization means i think okay no i thought it literally meant
like using was okay but selling was not i could be wrong yeah i i think that's the case um but
but yeah that's a good step forward um that's certainly not anything i'm fucking interested
in to be 100 do you guys know anything about mushrooms? Like what the effect is?
As per typical, with any time they take like a recreational drug and make it legal, suddenly it's a health food.
Oh, yeah.
Magic mushrooms are the greatest cure for depression out there.
Magic mushrooms will enlighten.
They'll make you creative.
They'll make you wonderful.
Magic mushrooms are just nothing but joy and sunshine into people's lives and i'm not
saying that these things are all incorrect i'm just saying that the what i'm getting through my
screen is that this is just a wonderful yeah no flaw i don't know enough about mushrooms but okay
everybody who rants and raves about them always says it opened their mind. And I never hear about like all the stories about like meth or crack cocaine or crack.
It's like those people go crazy or PCP.
That's the big one.
Angel dust where people get fucked up on it and then they go stab someone.
I never remember any stories of people getting like high on LSD or magic mushrooms and then going out and attacking someone.
People hurt themselves, I think, sometimes.
And they can have a bad time.
Yeah, accidentally.
What's more powerful? LSD or mushrooms?
Okay, LSD.
I know that LSD
lasts longer.
You can probably also take a lot more of it because it's like a liquid
and magic mushrooms are fucking mushrooms.
You're usually getting LSD
on a piece of paper that's like a miniature stamp that's torn off.
Yeah, a tab.
It was a super close vote.
As a matter of fact, they reported that it didn't pass the decriminalization
and then as they kept counting the votes, it did.
And the article I have in front of me says 50.5 to 49.5.
What's a drug that if they voted to legalize it,
you'd be like, well, settle down.
It would have to be...
Alcohol.
I'm pretty libertarian when it comes to what you can and can't do.
I was listening to Rogan and the Kevin Smith guy I taught the other day,
and he was like,
you can go up on a building and jump the fuck off,
and nobody can say shit to you,
but you can't do heroin?
Why not? Why can't I decide to do, but you can't do heroin? Why not?
Why can't I decide to do heroin?
I don't think heroin's a good thing because you get addicted so quickly and then that leads to criminality where you steal things and hurt people in order to further your fuel addiction.
I don't think OxyContin is a good idea.
No, it's not at all.
Look at how much the pharmaceutical industry is lobbying to keep marijuana illegal.
It's because they know that's going to steal business from the fucking pill industry.
Those opiates are evil.
I got no problem with any of that stuff. I think all
drugs should be legal 100%.
Nobody right now
is not doing heroin because
it's illegal.
If you legalize heroin, nobody's going to be like,
I'd like a shot of that.
Yeah, come on.
That's what Ron Paul used to say.
Marijuana use goes up after they legalize marijuana.
Why wouldn't that be the same for heroin?
Well, because marijuana is like a two-hour high that makes you enjoy Doritos,
and we all know what heroin does.
We've all seen fucking, well, not all of us have seen The Wire, have we,
you uncultured swine?
Taylor.
I'm sorry. I'll watch it. No'm sorry i'll watch it no you won't no you won't yeah well what should i finish first sopranos or wire how far are you in the sprannos
uh season two yeah you should finish wait how many didn't you watch season one of sopranos
like three years ago yeah i forgot i forgot most of what happened other than him going into a psychologist just
being like ah you phrased the question like you were actively working on a season of something
no i remember all of it it's the fat italian kid and his fat italian dad and his loud italian wife
and the annoying italian daughter he is nailing it. They go around town and they say things like,
Hey, what are you talking about?
And hey, give me those drugs.
What are you doing, Mickey?
What are you doing with my trash?
What baffles me?
I'm just a normal person, right?
In terms of violence, I consider him normal.
I'm 46, right?
Stay in your lane.
I still feel like I can beat up most of the Sopranos.
Those people can't be tough.
How often do they go fisticuffs, though?
Tony is the heavyweight champion of the Sopranos universe.
Oh, I don't think he beat up Tony.
Really?
Yeah, I don't think he beat up Tony.
I don't think Tony has the cardio to do anything. He's been dead for
three years. Fair point.
Tony's a heavyweight, though. Dude,
fighting is so exhausting.
30 seconds in, he'd be asking
me to stop or negotiating
a break. How many of Tony's
fights are anywhere near fair for his opponent?
He punches a guy like once. Honestly,
he's 6'1", or he was
6'1", R.I.P.
He's probably 5'10".
He's thick with four C's.
Okay, we'll make it not Tony, though.
But the Christopher beats people up.
That fat fuck pussy, you know, like he's supposed to be intimidating.
They're all intimidating.
But it's not about fisticuffs.
It's about guns and bats and
organized crime okay here's something i could stand still in front of christopher and not get
shot that's my magic power um you're forgetting fucking i'm pretty sure christopher's the one
who shot the russian in the head and christopher is the one who while being shot in the fucking
spleen and laying on the ground headshot um brendan out of that fucking moving
car i'm gonna have to go against you on this one i'm just talking about the way he pushes forward
when he shoots oh well i'm i don't like his technique either he doesn't get a lot of he
doesn't get a range time you know he doesn't christopher's not intimidating i i can only
recall christopher beating up one guy and it was this really skinny black drug dealer who didn't
who wanted to take away christopher's corner and he kicked the shit out of him and there was a like a like
a crackhead that he kicked the shit out of one time he beat someone up in like a donut shop once
no he pulled a gun on that guy and then shot him in the foot he didn't pistol whip him
no he shot him in the foot he shot his toe off maybe pistol whipped uh yeah i don't know i'd
rather get pistol whipped than shot in the toe.
Well, anyway, I don't know why I'm acting like I'm Mr.
Tough guy.
I just feel like the Sopranos needed some sort of if they're going to be tough guys like that, they should be more physically imposing.
They should have gotten an even bigger WAP.
Just be like, this is Tony beat you up a leach.
this is Tony beat you up a leachy no I I was fine with that because they were never like oh you're not gonna pay well you better get your uh get your gi on and get me in the cage down the street at
Walkins because uh I'll be seeing you there Thursday night. Yeah, bring your mouth guard.
It's go time. That never happened once.
You're so over the top, though.
They would fight in a retail
store, and it's like, well,
he punched first, so you know, whole
fight ends. The second
fucking 97-year-old
Vinny throws one punch.
When you go to prison, you better still
be careful, because we got Giovanni
fuck-your-ass-oli in there.
They call him the spreader.
When I think of
Pauly getting people physically,
he snuck up on the guy, hit him in the kneecap
with a baseball bat, and then put a gun to his head.
I don't care what kind of karate
you're bringing to the table.
It's not going to match that.
When I think about
all of them,'s always like when pussy
uh like like had to get a guy he waited the guy turned around and hit him in the back of the head
with a hammer and they continued to hit the guy in the back of the head with a hammer like these
are criminals you know they're not fighters i agree with you these guys are not physically
imposing necessarily they don't you could beat up most of them i believe that but they don't play
by your rules and they don't they're not they don't care if they want to fight i i see your point there i
just war if not the battle i don't know i look they were like undefeated fighters i get it they're
not fighting in fair rules and stuff but what everyone else is so stupid they turn around while
this guy might hit him with a claw hammer.
He doesn't open up with, hey, I don't like you very much.
He's like, hey, how's it going?
You got some coffee on?
These mob guys tend not to square up.
The complaint bleeds
over from a Bronx Tale. Have you seen that?
I've seen a Bronx Tale.
You'll have to remind me of exactly what happens.
There is one scene where a motorcycle gang
goes into a bar. They start roughing it up. they're not playing by the rules they politely ask him to
leave the motorcycle gang says you know what i'm not gonna leave he locks the door and says now you
can't leave and now you can't now use can't leave yeah so in walks people who make wings of
redemption look like thor right and and and a bunch of other old Italian guys,
and they beat up a big old...
You skipped an important part.
Go on.
In walks about six or eight big fatties
with baseball bats.
Yes, but the bikers,
shit, were they armed at all?
No.
Maybe you're right.
They were drunk.
I want to watch the scene again,
but I don't want to watch it on PK.
I just remember, and I don't think they're as drunk as you're saying, but yeah.
They're drinking.
They're in the bar.
They're in a bar.
It's not their first drink.
They're imbibing.
And these guys were in the back having cannoli, all right?
They were high on sugar, and they had their bats with them.
And it wasn't going to go well for them.
I need to see someone do that.
I can get a little sugar.
I can win any fight because I'm really reactive to sugar.
Come on, Mick.
Hit me with a confection of sugar.
Yeah, I don't know.
Where do you guys stack rank?
Or I guess, what's your favorite show of all time?
I bet it would have been Game of Thrones up until recently.
Oh, you rank The Wire over Sopranos?
I was pegging you for Sopranos. No, dude,
The Wire is the best show of all time. The second
season's a little bit weak, but
I still like it. The Wire
has amazing writing, great character development,
amazing characters. You like the good
guys, you like the bad guys.
Everyone has motivations for their actions.
No one is perfect. They're all very flawed
individuals.
The higher-up management in both the criminal organization and the police department are all
backstabbing crooked trying to rise up in the ranks and like doing whatever they can there's
a great scene where one of the underlings he's like middle management is teaching someone to
play chess and they're like you know what you just stay upon there's What if I get to the back? He's like, no, a pawn's a pawn, and a king's a king.
A pawn's always going to be a pawn.
And he's having this little realization to himself that, like,
I'm never going to get out of middle management here.
These guys are fucking lording over me forever.
I work for them.
They're the ones making the money.
He's having this great, like, introspective moment,
but nobody around him gets it because they are his lessors intellectually and in the organization while he tries to teach them chess.
They were playing checkers with chess pieces before he got there. It's a
great show. That scene in particular is one of the best scenes
of any TV show ever on anything. And you don't even notice the CGI in that scene.
I bet you have no idea that there was CGI there. There's a lot of it.
You're right. I had no idea.
Yeah, no. It's not a
scene you would expect to need CGI.
Have you seen the Wolf of Wall Street CGI?
Yeah. You don't notice it.
What's the CGI in Wolf of Wall Street?
There's so much.
It's mostly scenery.
The guy plays tennis
at the Federal Penitentiary or something like that.
That whole scene, all the buildings and tennis courts and stuff is CGI.
He's sitting on a boat negotiating, you know, like he's trying to bribe a federal agent or something.
And then you see that same scene without the CGI.
Oh, my God.
It's so crowded.
There's houses.
It's a lot less.
It's more dense.
So it doesn't look as rich.
Yeah.
They had a lot of buildings in that scene.
And they're good at buildings.
Yeah, they add a lot of buildings, and you do not
notice them. I was hoping you'd say something ridiculous,
like, do you know Jonah Hill's not even in that movie?
And when they went to HD,
they remastered The Wire, of course.
They went from 4x3
to 16x9. But when you do that,
they had it filmed on film, they went from whatever, the 4x3 to 16x9. But when you do that, you're seeing,
they had it filmed on film, which is widescreen.
And then they just cut the film,
they cut the ends off of it and make it 4x3 for old school TV sets.
Well, the part they cut off,
a lot of times when they shoot,
they're aware that, oh, well, that's going to be cut off.
You can have a cameraman over there
because this is the scene. This over here doesn't matter if there's a camera there. So when they go HD, it, well, that's going to be cut off. You can have a cameraman over there because this is the scene.
This over here doesn't matter if there's a camera
there. So when they go HD, it's like, oh, well,
shit, there's a cameraman there now.
So they're just CGI-ing out all of those guys,
like wiping them out. That happens a lot.
I forget.
I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about
adult cartoon characters making
cameos in Game of Thrones.
But Marge, she knew the dragons were there
she knew she knew the ballistas were there she talked about it in the last scene
homer i don't think people want to think that much they just want to enjoy a show
i like the dragons
i killed the green one.
That was my favorite one.
Lenny and Carl agree.
In Game of Thrones, I think that Cersei's army is going to betray her.
I think that's what I keep seeing.
That would be such a funny thing for them to do.
Or if anybody's good at editing, do that. Throw them in the mix.
Yeah, The Wire is my favorite show of all time, I think,
because there's a lot of great shows.
Firefly was a really good show, you know?
A lot of the HBO shit is just good,
but The Wire just nails it on so many fronts.
I like good writing.
I like good acting.
Game of Thrones might be my favorite.
Yeah. I mean, if. I like good acting. Game of Thrones might be my favorite. Yeah.
I mean, if you cut off this last season and half of the last season
before that. He said they'd already established that those
darts don't hurt the dragons.
They improve the ballistas.
Am I supposed to forget that? How?
How did they improve them? The YouTuber
said it. Are you saying there was something untrue
right on YouTube? No, no. I
know that they improved them, but
how did he make a technological advance
that, you know, they talk about the
huge time period of Game of Thrones.
For thousands of years, nobody
figured it out, and Qyburn's like, hmm, let's make
them stronger. Yep, that'll do it.
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.
Qyburn is like a fix-it-all
for anything technological. Any problem you need
solved, Qyburn's got the answer.
Oh, you need a zombie giant?
Boom, got you a zombie giant.
Oh, you need a weapon that'll shoot dragons out of the sky?
Let's make a dual threat.
You got some boats to deal with too, right?
Like, oh, you lost your hand and it's medieval times?
Let's just boil it in a little bit of wine and I'll sew it up nice and tight.
And hell, you can put a prosthetic on there by next week.
You want a gold one, by the way?
Boom, here you go.
He's like the perfect get-out-of-jail-free card
in all these things.
And this is a world where magic exists.
I'm inventing ballistas.
It seems simple to me in that they made one last year,
tested it, realized it needed to be beefed up,
they beefed it up.
But why did...
Why did it take them that long to be why did no one in the seven
kingdoms ever figure that out before just right now do we know that because i felt like he brought
back an ancient technology last year tried it said ah we need to go we need to step it up a little
and then this new one because the targaryens came over and took over the Seven Kingdoms and conquered six of the Seven Kingdoms, nobody ever came up with a ballista that could do this.
That's how they fought off the dragons.
They didn't fight off the dragons.
They lost.
Well, I mean, they tried.
They had ballistas, and you had to shoot them in the eye.
Is that right?
Is that the lore?
Yes.
That's the lore.
Yeah.
Yeah, you couldn't just punch through
their throat second shot you have to think you're on sitting there like this couldn't this couldn't
have gone better like i didn't think that 11 boats with these and that was 22 where like he's
supposed to have this enormous fleet waiting for him and they just fly around the corner and there's
single digit boats like did they run out of money they must have
i don't know no more game of thrones please what's your well i mean you asked what our
favorite shows were and what he answered game of thrones so i'm that that's kind of brought us
there what's your favorite show taylor i'm different with my shows like i get really
attached to comedy shows the most like the ones that like feel good comedy shows i love king of the hill
i love it's all honestly it's always sunny is probably number one yeah i want to feel good
show that i really enjoy makes me laugh every time it's all the office that's the office for me
like yeah have you seen the office like oh yeah i've seen start to finish of the office but once
uh once michael leaves it like it really just sucks dude i don't
like it it's not as good um but it's still watchable for me uh some of the episodes in
particular i didn't like um some of the really later episodes when like pam when the when the
when the sound guy is flirty with pam and pam is like, Pam was a real loser in the show.
Everybody,
everybody acts like Pam's a champion.
Pam failed at,
failed at everything she ever tried to do.
She was,
she was a secretary and she,
she was,
she answered phones and she was pretty good.
She did not fail at answering phones.
Kyle,
she did not fail at answering phones and that's where she should have stayed.
And,
but they were like,
well,
kind of sexist to have our main female be a, at answering phones. And that's where she should have stayed. But they were like, well, kind of sexist to have our main female be just answering phones.
Let's make her a saleswoman.
And it's like the writers couldn't help it.
They were like, but she wouldn't be a very good saleswoman, would she? The sexist thing is you wish casting.
That wasn't the reason.
They were just promoting her.
And she failed.
I don't think that's a pro-girl storyline.
I don't think that's a pro-girl storyline.
And then she defrauded the company by telling them that she had been hired as the office administrator prior to them being bought out by Sabre.
And got everybody to sign off on it because it was a hectic day.
And gave herself a salary of like $45,000 a year.
And then just really did nothing from then on.
Just collected a paycheck.
She failed at art.
She flunked out of art school.
Michael was impressed.
Yeah, Michael's a rube. Michael's the dumbest character in the whole fucking show.
She got further in art school than Hitler did.
She did not get further in art
school than Kevin.
Then Hitler.
Hitler didn't even make it in. She at least made it in.
Hitler had some nice pieces.
We've all seen Hitler's art.
I can't picture it.
It's an original Hitler.
Jesus Christ.
That's what that whole
It's Always Sunny episode is about.
Where they find out their grandpa was a Nazi.
Oh my god, you're going to love this.
My friend from New Zealand is doing
He's in university there. They were doing You're going to love this. That's a show that lost me. My friend from New Zealand is doing,
he's in university there,
and they were doing,
it was either art history or something like that.
And there's this like part of the presentation where if you zoom in,
oh, it was about German shepherds or something.
Like, I'm sorry, I can't remember the exact context,
but there's a lot of pictures of artwork.
And one of them is Frank presenting the original Hitler,
like stuck in there.
And it's their actual reading material.
Somebody has stuck it in there, and nobody knows it, but it's just the most hilarious reference.
It's not like some, like, yeah, we put this together.
It's kind of funny.
It's like, this is our learning material, and there's an original Hitler if you look closely right there.
But it's not an original Hitler.
It's what Charlie painted over the original Hitler.
Yeah, it's what Charlie painted over the original Hitler. Yeah, it's what Charlie painted over the original Hitler.
Yeah, that's a good reference.
Dude, I painted over it.
He's got
braces at the time.
Look, it's not...
Hitler's art is better than Pam's.
Yeah.
I don't remember what Pam's art was.
And, I mean,
you never saw Pam leading a
country to conquer Poland.
That's true. Pam never
envisioned that far. Wait, if you turn that same critical
lens on Pam
or on Hitler, you would say that
he failed at what he tried to do as well.
Wait, but that's not a fair thing, because
none of us have ever tried to conquer Poland.
I've never failed at it. Oh, that's... You know what? that's you know what i'm never gonna you know what gretzky said
you miss 100 of the shots you don't take that's going to be a hockey player
60 years from now who says something similar
yeah i uh i i pam was a real fucking loser um her her art was bad like like she had no
self-confidence um she she one of the things that's interesting and look i love pam as a
character i love the show i've seen it i'm not exaggerating when i've seen all the office 10
times at least i i watch it a lot like it it's my background show it plays like i'll be on my
laptop like doing stuff but the office is on
and i'll look i'm gonna go hey yeah get him kevin like like i've watched i've seen the deleted
scenes and all that shit but pam has a fake pregnancy like a tv show pregnancy um one season
and she has a first fake kid then the next season she gets pregnant in real life fake pregnancy she's still pretty pam with a fake belly on real pregnancy she gains about 50
she gets they make a reference to it in the show i think a little large oh yeah yeah they're like
yeah he used to be thinner well like like like well um what's her name um angela mocks her
endlessly she's like look it's little pregs and
big pregs yeah and pam's like i i don't remember us agreeing on on those nicknames
and like angela comes back from her fake tv show pregnancy and she is
slim and and and pam comes back and she's still big and and and angela's like i brought everybody brownies and and oh yeah it's great it's it's
office is one of my favorite comedies for sure what else is in your guys like background cue
like things you just put in i got it's always sunny south park king of the hill family guy
uh i don't do backgrounds a lot like like i i really only do background like like i
have a lot of like i'm gonna watch star trek and what he mentioned i pay attention i have to
especially if it's deep space nine because there's a lot of like shit to pay attention to like you
could watch next generation i guess in the background for sure because it's you can watch
anything in the background if you've seen it ten times. That's true.
Star Trek's good.
There's a lot of episodes of Star Trek too.
Psych. We watch Psych in the background sometimes. I've never seen that show.
It's pretty clever.
Funny.
Okay.
Yeah.
I do background shows
all the time.
I have a topic time. Ad?
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single night and every morning you should brush twice day. Did you guys see the thing about the thousand weapons in LA?
No.
Okay.
I will link it to you.
They're going bonkers about it.
And I don't know where my head is on this.
So one of the things they're stressing is this is a really, really upscale neighborhood.
Apparently, the average home is $17 million in this neighborhood.
What?
Yeah.
Who's living there?
It's in California.
I assumed it was part of Hollywood or something.
It's at the famous intersection of Beverly and Sunset Boulevards.
That's Hollywood, maybe.
I don't know.
It's L.A.-ish.
Michael Jackson, Neil Diamond, Frank Sinatra,
Barbra Streisand, Bing Crosby, Gary Cooper,
Walt Disney, Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall are all people who have lived in this neighborhood.
Lauren Bacall, you say?
Yeah, that was just... I don't know who that is.
She must have been pretty fucking famous.
So there were a thousand guns they seized from this guy's house.
And the people watching the video are seeing the guns out
in like the, I'm going to call the driveway, just laid out there. And I'm of two minds. On one hand,
a thousand guns is really a lot of guns. That's not a, most gun owners don't have a thousand.
If you told me you had a hundred, I would say you're a pretty hardcore gun collector. If you told me you had 12 guns, I'd say, you know, you're just a guy who likes, guy who likes guns. Maybe, you know,
you get a couple of different ones. If you had one or two guns, then you probably just
want a gun in the house. A thousand. But on the other hand, if you're a cost, no object guy,
and I assume if you live in a neighborhood where the average home price is 17 million you're a cost no object guy is there a limit on how many you can collect
this whole article doesn't mention what he did wrong at all yeah they don't know he can only
shoot one at a time no he's done something wrong here like there's a there's a there's something
to go along with this like he was perhaps he was selling those guns on some sort of black market or or
there was some sort of like there was there was drugs or there was some sort of illegal activity
to go along with having those guns no i bet he was just an innocent collector
looking at this and was like you've got too many guns for the audio only listeners when my when i eyeball this collection i see a guy who just bought every gun he wished he had
he does not have like crates and crates of ar-15s that he would like sell to the i was about to say
the yugoslavian army a country that existed 15 years ago here's the plan i'm buying a thousand
guns and then i'll invent the time machine.
But if you ever see,
is it God of War?
Lord of War?
Something like that.
Lord of War.
Lord of War.
You know, this guy has crates of identical guns
or still tons of ammo.
This is a gun collection.
This is a collection of mismatched weird guns.
Not weird guns, but most of them look like hunting rifles.
Like exotic guns.
It's real hard to tell here, but a lot of them have wooden furniture.
A lot of them look old-ish.
All the pistols are mismatched.
A lot of revolvers.
He's not arming an army here.
He just bought these over time.
You know, he did something to go along with this
yeah undoubtedly or i would hope so otherwise that's a pretty scary thing well it was some
sort of like a joint investigation so like like the fact that the atf was involved with the
investigation itself although you can never tell from the news article like it's it's possible that
he was doing something illegal specifically with firearms maybe he was importing them illegally
you know something like that you that. That could be it.
Maybe this guy's illegally importing firearms
or something like that.
It's not a very useful armory, I will say.
If I was to arm a group of people,
I would want them all to share the same ammo.
To eyeball this, I'd say you need
like 100 different kinds of bullets
to make all these guns go.
Maybe 50 different kinds of bullets to make all these guns go maybe 50 different kinds of bullets i'm not sure yeah i i think anybody who's considering this some sort of
like this is not like in terminator 2 there's a scene where you haven't seen terminator 2 either
you fucking pig damn it taylor you know your parents are guilty of child abuse there's that
scene where schwarzenegger drags the the big board off the in the desert and like i
love that covers the underground bunker of weapons and it's just all the most crazy military hardware
you've ever seen everything and there's black and there's grenade launchers and shit that's not this
this is like it looks like a rich guy's collection who defrauded some people would or something like
that this looks like bernie madoff's gun collection yeah it's not useful my militarily i'm looking to say
yeah probably not unless you're fighting against like rabid deer and you have a lot of different
kinds of bullets yeah yeah have you guys seen uh you saying bernie madoff and thinking about
him being in jail have you seen i think it was like a YouTube documentary, YouTube video. Is that a pedo dude? It showed what, no, no, Bernie Madoff, the Ponzi scheme guy.
There was a YouTuber who was a pedo who was in the news recently.
I should have let you finish.
Oh, okay.
They have, like, if you look up what, like,
I think it's Finnish or Norwegian jails are like,
like, they'll give you Xboxes.
They'll let you have a tv with cable you can
like order netflix and things you can custom like have food delivered to you like if you're
gonna go to jail go to jail in fucking finland it looks not that bad so for all our finnish
listeners if you commit a crime don't be that scared you're gonna be fine i mean there's like 16 people in finland so no wonder it's so nice both of you
both of you finished listeners one of them's listening from jail right now on an ipad
that is a very true all i said was i want to listen to my favorite podcast and they said hey
you better behave sven and i said oh you know i will and so then they give me the pc
i complained about the internet and they say you're right uh you know google fiber is a human right
i miss google fiber remember that was going to be a thing my town got approved for it
i they stopped investing in it
maybe they did what they wanted to do
like AT&T started rolling out
these like stop that punt
I have AT&T
gigabit fiber because
goo girl fiber said they were coming
I'm gonna watch a man get beaten to death
this weekend
nice like for fun or
yeah I'm gonna
pay for the right it's this Hawaiian guy weekend. Nice. Like for fun? I'm going to pay
for the right.
It's this Hawaiian guy.
Oh, I know this guy. He's old.
Yeah, his name's BJ Penn.
He's a former champion of the UFC.
One of the greatest fighters of all time.
Really is. Courageous.
And this weekend, stupid.
Brain damage drug user.
And this weekend, well, according to reports,
while he was being cuckolded, doing cocaine and forcing his wife to do the cocaine
and then abusing her and stuff, allegedly.
You can never know what to believe in these news reports.
But BJ Penn, he's on like a five, six-fight losing streak now.
He's clearly brain-dam damaged in my personal opinion.
His last fight, they like tailor picked his opponent.
BJ, like the thing he's greatest at is like jujitsu and getting the guy on the ground,
putting him in a Kimura or something, arm lock, getting the guy to tap out.
So they put him up against a guy who has a similar skill set, who's very young and experienced.
The guy fucking like heel picks him and puts him in a knee bar or something
and basically cripples DJ to the point where he's limping out of the ring
in eight seconds or something like that.
It was so fast.
Was it Ryan Hall? Is that the guy's name?
That sounds very familiar, but I'm not great.
It is Ryan Hall I have in front of me now.
Yeah, so this weekend, he's fighting none other than Clay Guida.
Now, our good friend Joe Lozon lost a fight to Clay Guida a while back,
and it was a real hard loss to watch.
And I remember I showed my dad the loss like a week or two later.
I think it was Thanksgiving.
And I was like, Dad, my friend lost his last fight.
Do you want to see what happened?
And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'll watch.
And I play it on YouTube, and, my, my friend lost his last fight. Do you want to see what happened? And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'll watch. And he, you know, I, I play it on YouTube and there's, there's Joe over there getting,
getting hype, you know, bouncing around a little bit.
Then they show Clay Guida and dad goes, well, no fucking wonder he's fighting a goddamn caveman.
Clay Guida is a barbarian.
He is.
And still effective somehow.
Old and still effective because his fighting style is that like, like come forward and smash and you can be old and still effective somehow. Old and still effective. Because his fighting style is that.
Like, come forward and smash.
And you can be old and still smash.
And BJ, as we said recently, he thinks he can still be a champion.
Did you read this?
No.
That's why I said brain animal.
That's why I said he has brain damage. Because if BJ Penn thinks he can still be a champion, he is the only person in the world who thinks that.
Okay?
It's just not in the cards
for him. I'm
trying to think of someone who has a better chance,
who's not even in the world of fighting.
I think
I'm spacing
out right now. Who's the
celebrity that I did that shitty movie with?
Logan Paul?
Logan Paul. Logan Paul has
a better chance of being a UFC champion
Than BJ Penn does
You know I'm right
You might be
I don't know
Logan Paul's maturity will be like 6 years from now
And there's so many unknown factors
Like it could happen
Logan Paul is athletic to the
Scale where you're like
And a wrestler
And he's a wrestler.
And he's a wrestler.
Yeah.
Like,
I don't think either of them are going to be champion,
but if I had to pick.
Yeah.
You got to go Logan Paul because BJ Penn's going to die this weekend.
So that really makes him like,
like, like I,
anybody who's a UFC fan or maybe you're just a super casual or maybe you
just don't give a shit.
If you're going to watch one fight, you know, pull it up on youtube or go to our mma on reddit after saturday night watch the bj
penn fight and look i'm calling my shot 55 you're calling your shot i'm calling my shot bj penn
misses weight he's been he's good about that like he's a professional i think he makes weight he's
hawaiian he gets fatter every year that's true that's that's actually a professional. I think he makes waves. He's Hawaiian. He gets fatter every year.
That's true.
That's actually something.
I don't think he's...
I think he's at a new camp,
and I think that his last camp was real hard,
and I think he just kept camping it up,
because that wasn't long ago when he lost that Ryan...
Why do Samoan people seem to get so fat?
Genetics.
Genetics.
Why do black people get sickle cell anemia and diabetes?
Yeah, but to get fat, you have to be eating a lot like you can't you won't just genetically magically become fat you have to
be consuming like what do they i think i know they eat a ton of pork but like yeah what's the
difference between that and eating a bunch of beef like oh no but we're really fat here too
i think they just eat nothing but like pork and pineapples though it's like you want pineapple
pork or pork pineapple you know you want me to stuff the
pork with a pineapple or stuff the pineapple
with the pork? We got it all.
The crux of this is
that we all have a thorough
understanding of Samoan culture.
Yes, absolutely. It consists
of pineapple, pork, and
the rock.
Ryan Hall is actually a tough
matchup. I'm looking to look and see if I'm wrong. And that guy who sings somewhere over the rainbow yeah ryan hall i've got his record in front of me
he lost in 2006 and not since then so he's pretty badass actually um yeah but it's right in bj's
wheelhouse like you're right about that he's not to outbox him. There's a thing, though. So this is a little bit I know about the UFC.
If your contract pays you a lot, then you fight tough guys.
And that's actually a correlation.
You would think the better you do, the tougher guys you fight.
And that's true-ish.
But a fighter might have a decision to make and say,
Man, I don't know if I want to make 100 grand a fight or 60 grand a fight.
Because if I make 100 grand a fight, everyone's going to be like Max Holloway.
That sucks.
But if I make 60 grand a fight, yeah, you lose one and they throw me a gimme.
And I get to, you know, stay in the UFC.
Yeah.
These are decisions that people make.
It's a good card this weekend.
Where I'm headed is I think BJ Penn earns a lot per fight.
He's not getting any softies.
Ryan Hall is tough.
Clay Guida is tough.
It's a good matchup for him, the Ryan Hall one.
If he was going to hand
pick somebody, he'd probably pick Ryan Hall.
Unless he's going to fight an unknown as BJ Penn.
That's on the preliminary card. Thank God he's not getting main who's the main guy uh when you go over to the main card uh the star of the show the headlining fight is the main
event is rose nama unis versus uh jessica andrage and that's what i'm real nervous about because i
love rose i really i watch all her behind the scenes shit and her embedded shit. Great personality. Cool fucking girl. She's pretty.
She's incredibly talented in the cage. I
like her a lot. She's emotionally available in all her stuff. I've been a Rose
fan before she was in the UFC.
She just shares who she is and you get to connect with her.
She's fighting a tough opponent. her last two fights were against the same uh girl i want to say i think she beat um
joanna janjacek twice in a row who was the who was the champion forever and they considered to be
like pound for pound best women's fighter for a long time and rose stomped her twice and joanna
um has a win over this jessica androd uh chick but she's like the only one who could handle this
jessica chick so it's there's some discussion on over whether this is a good matchup it's also the
fight is in brazil which is just jessica's brazilian so it's it's gonna be a scary fight
for me to watch and and and i would imagine it's scary for rose i'd be scared if i was rose
um the second fight of the night the co-main event is Jared Cannoneer, who I've
seen fight maybe once or twice, but he's fighting Anderson Silva. And I would definitely pick Silva
to lose. He looked bad. I think he looked bad against the Stylebender. And I know it's Stylebender,
but still, I thought he looked bad. I thought the stylebender was taking it very easy
on him and i and i've been i said that a few times and then uh third fight down jose aldo uh versus
alexander uh volkanovsky and the only reason that this is not a co-main or a main event is because
jose didn't want to fight three rounds like it was his request he was like i don't want to fight
five i don't want to fight five rounds i want to want to fight five rounds. I want to fight three rounds.
And Dana was like, Jose Aldo gets what Jose Aldo wants.
So we'll just do it that way.
And the next two fights are fine. I recognize these guys' names, but I'm not a hardcore enough fan
to know what they're about or anything.
So yeah, I'm excited about the card.
The BJ Penn fight on the undercard, I really want to watch it
because I think he's going to get smashed by Clay Guida.
And I'm down to watch that, I guess, because I just feel like he's –
I don't get why he doesn't quit.
He's got money.
He's got a gym.
Why doesn't he go train the next rising star when he's clearly too old
and too broken to do this anymore?
Why is he still going?
This Anderson Silva fight is interesting to me.
So I wasn't really on top of it.
I have a different theory than you. I Anderson Silva fight is interesting to me. So I wasn't really on top of it. I have a different theory than you.
I think Anderson Silva is going to win.
I think they're picking a guy that he can win and retire on a win.
That they might just wheel some guy in if they have to.
And I've never heard of this Jared dude.
He's lost two out of his last three fights.
I think he was picked to lose
to Anderson Silva so that he can
retire that night. Could be. It is in Brazil.
And there's
a thing that fighters do,
not all the time, but I love it when they do it.
They leave their gloves in the ring when they
retire. They take off their gloves in the ring,
they leave them there, and they walk out.
That's a neat little thing.
Little ritual. I like stuff like that in sports.
It's a ritual that sinks in deep in my heart,
and I hope I get to see it.
I'd love for him to win, take off those gloves,
and just walk out.
Have there ever been Michael Jordan-style fighters
who did the glove thing, and then two years later
were like, I'm back.
They definitely come back all the time.
In boxing, that's like a promotional thing.
Like, this is my last fight.
This is my... Now, this time
I mean it. You'll never get to see me... You're the hottest boxer
on earth. You're 24 years old.
What are you doing? I'm hanging him up.
I'm done.
I'm done forever.
But yeah, if Anderson Silva wins, takes his gloves
off, leave him in. That's something I'd really like to see.
Yeah. I mean, I like
Anderson.
I mean... Shit. off leave him and that's something i'd really like to see yeah i mean i like anderson um he i mean shit i don't know if i like anderson or not i like watching him fight i like sometimes i like
watching anderson civil fight i think that's the honest answer because i was watching a fight
recently where like an old clip where he's hiding behind the referee you know did you see that clip
i did yeah for a second remember second. Remember when he refuses,
when he's like standing there styling on the guy and the crowd's booing like crazy and he's in there and he's in his Burger King shorts and he just won't
end the fight.
And Dana's so pissed.
Was it against Damian Maya by chance?
I don't remember who it was against.
I just remember he could have,
it was clear he could finish,
but he like wouldn't.
He did.
He wouldn't,
he wouldn't end the fight.
He was just going to stand there and be like, yeah, come over to me.
I'm going to walk over there now.
He's a counter puncher.
And he really frustrates me.
So if people don't know, a lot of people think a better fighting style is to let you extend yourself,
dodge that, and then attack you while you're extended.
And it can lead to a really boring fight.
Because the other guy is like, look, this this guy if i try and hit him his like secret
sauce is hitting me while i try that so i'm gonna make him lead i'm gonna make him do his thing
and somehow his whole career everyone is like damian maia wasn't aggressive enough well you
know anderson silva wasn't charging in anderson nick diaz wasn't aggressive enough well anderson
silva nick diaz laid on the ground and said come get me
And he still didn't
And they're like Nick you gotta fight
He was making a point
Anderson has to fight too
I usually don't love counterfunchers
And I got in a problem with him using steroids
Because I don't even think it was steroids
It was something to help him heal faster
It could have been a steroidal thing
But it wasn't like the muscle building Like make you Paul Acosta I don't even think it was steroids. It was something to help him heal faster. It could have been a steroidal thing, but it wasn't like the muscle building,
like make you Paul Costa type shit.
I don't think it was,
but I'm not an expert on that shit.
You'd have to ask our buddy.
I'm not an expert either.
A lot of people said he used it
after he broke his bone to make it heal better.
To make it heal better.
And look, if you saw that bone break,
have we all broken a bone?
At least one, right?
Lost count.
There you go. But when you broke it it was it was like ah there's a crack in my bone right oh no is that kind of break i got lots of kinds
no woody's had uh compound fractures haven't you no ever have never busted through the skin have
your like this is your shin and it did this and wrapped around another man's shin like a cartoon
character one time my arm I've seen that clip.
It was like I had another wrist.
It was straight and then it went up
like that and then across again like a
Z. That's a legit car
accident. I put my... My car
was flipping over and I thought I was
going to fall out the window so I posted up
out the... It was more than one flip so the
car landed on the roof. All the windows
broke. Now the car was landing on the
driver's side door. I posted my arm out
the window, and that's when I broke it so
bad. Damn. Oh, that's awful.
Ten and two,
motherfucker!
Yeah, the root cause was falling asleep. I've only broke
my nose... I've broke it
twice, but that's the only bone I've broken.
That's why I've got a pristine
right edge perfect nose yeah same here it broke right here a right edge perfect nose i can't if
you were here and you ran your finger over my nose it's like there's no round part of it it's
you would go whoop perfect right angle here flat perfect right angle down it's like the guy
literally went in with a fucking sander i was like
oh so you had just worked on yeah it was when i broke my nose the second time i broke my nose
and they were fixing it up the first time it freaked me out because i was i was a kid i was
a little kid playing tag with friends and i ran into someone's forehead and just my younger
brother's forehead and it smashed my nose blood was pouring everywhere and i remember my first
thought as i was running through the basement because we were playing in the unfinished area and
i was running through the carpet area of the basement my thought wasn't like this hurts so
bad or i'm gonna be in trouble or my thought was oh my god i'm getting so much blood on the carpet
i'm gonna be in so much trouble yeah was my first thought but then the second time i broke my nose
which was during a fucking basketball scrimmage game in middle school. And someone on my own team, I was wrestling at the time.
I was playing high-level competitive hockey at the time,
and I broke it during a basketball practice.
And this dude went up on my team for a rebound and came down
and then swung his elbows like that, caught me,
and it cracked in the exact same spot, and blood was just pouring all over.
And then when I was getting it fixed, my mom, you know, mom hell yeah won't ever forget this she was like you know what while
you're in there because i used to have a little bit of a hump in my nose she's like just take
care of that while you're in there and so i got you know my nose is perfect i'm the opposite
yeah so i've broken my nose four times twice wrestling dogs actually and they just like
and uh and one i counted as two because i
in a fight i got it broken in two places and um uh i went to a plastic surgeon to like get it worked
on but he didn't like he was just really disrespectful and kind of an asshole he would
ask my mom every question even though like it was my nose and i'd ask my mom a question, she'd relay it to me.
We're all sitting within two feet of each other.
And then I'd answer to the guy.
I just hated him, and I never
got it worked on. So genetically,
I am better looking than I actually
am.
Well, then that's an impressive looking man.
Yeah, I'm like, I was born to
go through life with a better nose than i did but here i am
what did you link oh i i was about to link this as well so i i just read through the article where
you guys were going through uh ufc talk and based on his responses to all these allegations i
genuinely believe that uh his wife or ex-wife going through the domestic divorce it seems like she's lying
like his explanations make more sense and also it's because i'm biased because i don't want to
believe that poo bear was raping piglet what is what does one of the poos sound like well oh i'm
not entirely sure about that piglet like what does he sound like is that it i've heard a lot it's more about that
piglet oh it's it's i can i can i can hear it but i can't do it it's like he's like oh i don't know
piglet i can't do it i can't say i don't know piglet it's kind of kind of like that it's if
you don't settle down i'm gonna rape you again i hate to ignore it like you know rape charges and such but i always take things in the
context of a messy divorce with a grain of salt yeah and this seems to be very messy well they
were already like split and like i guess he would he would tell her he would like grab her boobs
grab her groin slap her ass and say that he could grab her tits if he wanted to because he paid for them. Dude, cool-ass guy of the week.
Jesus.
I hope someone's tracking our cool-ass guy of the week
because I'm kind of curious about that.
And I guess, let's see.
Oh, he would demand sex from her in exchange for meeting his,
I'm guessing, support obligations, which is maybe child support or alimony.
Oh, why don't you come over here and suck my cock?
And then she says that he abused her dog.
He apparently broke the dog's hip
by hitting it with a broom.
And I like this one.
See if this sounds familiar at all.
Stephanie also alleges that Jim abused the family puppy,
once shattering its hip with a broom
And on another occasion
Placing it inside a metal bucket
Outside of the house on a day in which it was
100 degrees
And leaving it in there for a long time
I think Taylor doesn't get this reference
Until it came close to dying
Close to dying
Alright
I don't get the reference no
Good Our listeners do yeah that's the
funny part um so so yeah our who's who's on the side of winnie the gonna put it in your poo bear
uh actor did i ever put a an animal in a hot bucket wings of redemption did oh he did it was
a kitten yeah i was thinking back in my head i was
like well i don't think i've ever abused no the story goes like this he's very young so everyone
keep the context in he had i think it was a kitten he really loved this kitten he wanted he enjoyed
playing with the kitten he put the kitten under a bucket so that it would be there the next time
he wanted to play with it and it kind kind of cooked it. He was 27.
He was not.
The count made that part up.
This was 2009.
I don't know how old he was, but I say eight as a good reference.
Well, I hope Jim Cummings...
Is that this guy's name?
Yeah, Jim Cummings.
Oh, God, that's his name.
I hope that he did not actually do these things.
Some of this stuff sounds...
If it's made up, it's well made up.
He would forcefully put his hand on the back of my neck
and kiss me while holding me in place against the wall
in front of their four-year-old daughter.
And he'd say he's allowed to touch mommy's breasts
since he paid for them.
And then his response to that, he said,
Forcing?
Please, everyone.
Gracie, myself, and especially you
were all giggling and laughing.
It was pleasant to have one moment of lightheartedness.
We both erupted into laughter,
he wrote, per the site.
Good counterpoint. Okay.
That wasn't my point. That was what he said.
Right. Well, I didn't
read the whole thing, Mr. Showoff.
Name me
30 other times that people
who work in industries
around children have abused that
just 50 other times
off the top of your head
you can't name 100 times that's happened
I think Catholic Church counts for several hundred
okay that counts for
alright name me 500 times
I think I'm still there
yeah you probably are still there
did you see the Pope just put
a new rule out that if
someone rapes a child, they have to report
it now? New rule!
Dude, he's like fucking Bill Maher.
New rule. I like it to keep us going.
If you molest a kid, you have to tell us now.
And all these people are like, but what are we supposed to do
if we're fine?
I have already read the Bible
as much as I need. Can we go to my topic that i'm
excited but the please mine's quick okay oh mine's a quick little video here and i just previewed it
and and made the determination that that we should watch this audio on right 30 30 second video i'm
queued up this is called guy bit in face by Snake in Oklahoma if you want to find it.
Thanks, Taylor. Spoilers!
Ready, set, play.
Alright, my audio's on, but there's not
much to say. Guy's walking up a driveway.
Stumbles. He might be drinking.
He's got mandals on,
so he's cool.
Ow!
Take me to the hospital! Take me to the hospital! Take me to that snake! cool I'm a little upset at that woman Like I just got bit by a snake Huh?
What's confusing about that you moron?
In your mailbox Where?
Who fucking cares where I got bit
On my face
It came out of your mailbox
Dude that sucks
What a horrible way to go
Poor guy
It bit him in the eye It bit him in the eye.
It bit him in the eye.
Yeah.
The eye bit in the face.
But man, I hope I never get bit in the face.
I'm going to be careful next time I check the mail.
Fuck yeah.
This one's fun to me.
What could go wrong if I try to blow up a gopher hole?
Oh, I've done this.
You've done this?
I know that you have some...
I'm not sure what that contraption is over there. But oh yeah, I've done this? I know that you have some... I'm not sure what that contraption is over there.
Oh, yeah.
I've done this exact thing.
But, yeah.
I've done this exact thing.
All right.
I'm all cued.
I want to shrink it to fit the screen better.
Yeah.
I went and bought the tanks and the hoses just to do this.
It's not like I...
Yeah.
All right.
Ready, set, play.
All right. So's not like I... Yeah. Ready, set, play. Alright, so this guy has...
Ignore it.
It's a flamethrower.
It's an oxyacetylene setup.
And it's...
I think that thing is done for melting tar.
You might use it to install it on a roof.
I think that's 30 seconds.
And he's just pumping fuel into the gopher holes with
these at this interconnected tunnel system in his yard see a little pop nice Oh shit
The ground
The ground's come alive
Burnt the fucking tree down
Burnt a hole
This guy I think he's been setting fires all day
In all the fucking wood
Maybe caught the fucking house on fire
Fucking hell wood maybe caught the fucking house on fire that guy is hard to rattle i would have been panicking but he's like you know things didn't
go as well as we thought they would it was on on fire. Yeah, I did that same thing.
That's hilarious.
Can you explain what exactly it was he was doing?
They were pumping fuel into the interconnected
little... It's a liquid fuel.
It was a gas.
So it was a gas fuel
and then when he makes it go
that was just him lighting it.
Is this a common way of getting rid of gophers?
I usually use it on voles, and I highly recommend it.
What could go wrong?
I'll end up tweeting my own video where I'm like,
it caught the bloody air sunfire.
I'll still do it next.
Yeah, I did it with rats,
but then the real reason I got it was for a video,
and we were pumping it under 55-gallon steel barrels
that were sitting on the ground,
and then igniting those.
Cause then the barrel shoot up in the air.
It's kind of,
kind of hard to get them to work.
Right.
Cause we,
I don't know if you remember that video we saw.
I liked it.
These Argentinians,
we saw them doing it and they were doing it like lighting it with a torch
and they go boom and like go 150 feet up in the air and shit.
It was hard to duplicate that.
Cause I isn't a settling the gas that,
uh, that burned Kyle. What are you? 150 feet up in the air and shit. It was hard to duplicate that. Isn't acetylene the gas that
burned Kyle?
Woody, you were like, I'm going to do an acetylene balloon
or something, and Kyle was like, don't!
Do not make acetylene balloons!
Is that the same gas we're talking about?
It's the same gas. It's very volatile.
I use propane myself,
and that's why I think that I get good results.
Yeah, I use propane.
Now why would you choose acetylene gas to kill your gophers when it's cheaper
and more effective to use propane?
My dad says a settling is a bastard gas.
I guess I was,
I was probably inspired by FPS Russia and I had an idea that I would,
I had big balloons and I thought maybe I'd start with those ones you punch.
But I have balloons big enough for any of us to get inside, back in the closet there.
So the idea was I would put it on a very long string, you know, maybe 100 feet in the air, and shoot it and see how this goes.
And Kyle said that this was not a smart idea.
It would be like a fucking bomb going off.
Like, I can't...
It would shatter the windows of your house.
100%.
It might deafen you if you're under it.
And I don't mean like, oh, my ears are ringing.
It might rupture your eardrums.
I can't...
I've seen a garbage bag of this shit go off and shatter windows.
So you're saying it'd be cool.
Welcome to PKA 325.
I've got a story to tell
about last week.
Last week?
The video viewers have to skyrocket
on YouTube. Nobody's listening
on iTunes anymore.
Yeah, I can't
stress to you how incredibly concussive and powerful a balloon that size
full of oxy acetylene gas which would acetylene plus oxygen uh you know at the right mix you
weren't happy with even the filling method you're like are you gonna stand next to this thing while
you fill it with gas like that is a death defying act if you've ever seen like
pictures of like a burn victim where they're wrapped up like a mummy that's what could have
happened to you in that scenario like not something i want there like near the tank to fill it up you
mean if you need a balloon so when you operate an acetylene torch you've got tiny amounts you
first you a little bit of acetylene coming out you take your sparker or your, I use these lighters,
it's more convenient.
And you got, you got like a little,
a little flame that's not much bigger than a lighter.
And then you add a little oxygen to it
and then a little more settling
and then a little more oxygen.
And you get this perfect flame that's meant for,
in my case, I always used it as a cutting torch
to cut steel.
And, and I can, I know how to set the torch perfectly.
My shop teacher taught me back in the day.
It's the only thing I learned in welding.
And, you know, you get the blue flames are coming out about a half an inch or something like that.
And now you heat up the steel.
And then when you hit the handle and give a little more gas, it blasts the molten steel.
And you can cut straight through a half inch of steel with this thing.
It's very effective.
Wow.
But when you get the gases mixed, the oxygen and the acetylene, they're now explosive.
And if you have a volume of that, which would never exist in normal operations of the torch,
because you're just burning it as soon as it comes out, it becomes a bomb, an incredibly powerful
bomb. And I lit a balloon of acetylene when I was a kid.
I've said it many times.
And just a balloon that's about this size made a fireball five times as big and burned all the skin off the back of my hand.
Because not only is it explosive, it burns at a very high temperature.
And that was only acetylene.
That wasn't oxygen.
That was just the acetylene.
You add the oxygen and you get a more explosive, concussive force.
And the more volume you have, the more incredible that force is. And
if you use something like a trash bag that doesn't stretch, you've got a pretty scary bomb. And what
a lot, what rednecks will do is they'll fill it up, risking their lives doing so. And then they'll
tie it off because it's lighter than air with the acetylene. And then they will shoot sparklers at
it, like, like regular old, like, um, Roman. And the Roman candle will burn through the bag, ignite the gas, and you get a big bomb
in the air that will shatter the windows of a house.
What he's talking about, using those balloons, not only do you have a much bigger volume,
but now it's pressurized to some extent, a few PSI at the very least, whereas in the
trash bag, no PSI.
It's just whatever the air pressure is.
He's stretching a rubbery vessel out,
and it's squeezing the gas,
and so you get an even bigger concussive force.
It would have been monumental.
I've blown up some big shit,
like hundreds of pounds of explosives
in C4 and Det Cord,
but usually from a decently safe range
using high explosive.
I've been in a house that got leveled in a tank. but usually from a decently safe range using high explosive. Um,
I can't,
I've been in a house that got leveled in a tank.
Like they, they put explosives on the roof and blew the house down on top of me.
There's no way in fucking hell I'd fill that balloon up with oxyacetylene.
That would be where I was just like,
I would,
I would be shivering with terror.
Like me and Jeremy have been wrapping up like a up a Tannerite charge to blow up a car before
and using the really sensitive stuff
that if you hit it with a hammer hard enough,
it'll go off.
If you light it with a lighter,
it'll go off.
And wrapping this thing up with the fuel
and basically making a big scary bomb,
a charge that'll be-
If you hit it with a hammer,
it'll go off.
That's interesting.
Yes.
Very sensitive.
It's got
sensitizing ingredients and could it explode which one is that is that the red stuff yeah it was that
stuff um and uh and we've got 22 pounds of the shit and we're wrapping it up tight with duct tape
fuel barrels on either side of it and and jeremy's what did he say
he said something like like it'd be bad if this went
off that'd be scary huh i'm like jeremy if it goes off you'll never know it went off
while you're telling this story i'm showing a video of an oxy acetylene canister plant on fire
it's just popping off everywhere yeah yeah i've seen that video. I think it's in Texas.
Yeah, and the charge that Jeremy and I made
put a crater in the ground
about three feet deep
and about five feet across
and it made a mushroom cloud that went
300 feet in the air.
Jesus.
And we were sitting there wrapping it up.
It's like, could this go off?
And I'm like,
one in 10,000 it goes off. off he's like that's still a chance i'm oh it
yeah but a static electricity that's my fear with what you're talking about woody likes
you know we've all like been fucking around with just a balloon full of balloons and static
electricity are not a thing it's literally what you do to get a little static
electricity yeah that scares me so much the idea of you doing that i was so scared for you to do
that because i felt like you might get into trouble you might kill yourself like like at the at the
best case scenario you were gonna get in trouble because like they're calling the cops yeah you
talked me out of it it seemed like it was more than I was looking for.
And especially when you put the explosives high in the air.
I often had everything I did
for the most part was on the ground.
But just putting the explosives 50 feet in the air,
it's like a radio tower.
I call it a dirty bomb.
Don't call it that!
That's how I call that.
That was the video name.
It's not good.
Hey, this is Woody's Lab, and today we're making
dirty bombs.
Well, I'm going to sneeze in it first,
and then fill it with gas
and spread my germs.
I got eight kilos of radium.
So you're going to want to head down to your local Ace Hardware
and spend $45,000 on
six kilos of radium. And then you're going to head back home. Actually, local Ace Hardware and spend $45,000 on 6 kilos radium.
And then you're going to head back home.
Actually, you'd want to go spend $45,000.
I probably shouldn't tell how to actually make a dirty bomb.
Don't tell people how to make bombs.
Actually, they could probably just Google it.
Google will tell you everything.
That guy Ted Kaczynski figured it out and Google wasn't even a thing.
I don't think you should tell them, Kyle.
I'll tell you.
What if someone gets upset?
Okay, yeah, and like i don't
care i'm not gonna make one i i that violates my homeowners association so if you had 45 000
worth of those okay this isn't even that feasible a plan but um wow that would take fucking forever
so if you're an authority watching this that that's a joke. That's silly. No, no, it
works.
Oh, no one would laugh, Woody. Believe
you me.
So, uh,
I know it's the most
popular topic on the show.
I want to talk a little bit about
NHL playoffs. Oh, I thought we were going to put the Down Syndrome troops stirring up the drag scene. I thought to talk a little bit about NHL playoffs.
Oh, I thought we were going to put the Down Syndrome troops stirring up
the drag scene. I thought we were going to talk about politics.
You know what? We can talk about
the Down Syndrome one first, if you'd like.
Oh, you got me all hooked.
Let's talk about
hockey first, then.
Okay, so the final four.
You got Carolina
versus Boston in the East.
The best two out there.
They're playing as we speak.
Playing as we speak.
Last time I checked, it was one to one.
I'm pulling for Carolina super hard.
Fuck Boston.
Fuck the amount of championships that goddamn city has won
in every of the four major sports over the last fucking 20 years.
Fuck them.
No, Boston, you don't get any more.
Damn it, now it's gonna happen no
they're up against the giant slayers but i hope so i hope carolina kills it so it's carolina versus
boston in the eastern conference in the western conference you got st louis for san jose and it's
kind of funny that woody's team the hurricanes is in my team the blues are in and chiz's team
the sharks are in and the sharks you know I I'll blame reffing
sometimes for problems like there was a uh in game seven when the Blues were playing Dallas
the only goal the Dallas Scars had which tied the game at one was Perron tried to in our own
defensive zone tried to loop the puck around the back of the net to get it to one of our D-men
and usually the refs will jump to get out of the way of the puck this ref didn't jump he moved forward and he
accidentally kicked the puck right out front to a shark's forward and the shark's forward scored
immediately and so the only i'm sorry the dallas forward scored immediately in that in that round
and that whole game i was like god damn it fuck this is of course this is the bluesiest thing to ever blues we're gonna get knocked out but then
we managed to pull out in overtime overtime that game first of all was fucking ridiculous
in the second and third period combined the blues had 34 shots and the stars had four it ended up
being 52 to something low it was like 52 to 29 or something like that.
Like,
like Ben Bishop,
the goalie for the stars playing out of his mind.
It's funny that the winning game winning goal was St.
Louis native Pat Maroon scoring on St.
Louis native Ben Bishop.
And so I liked that as a chirp on the hockey Reddit where it's like,
ha ha stars,
your best players from our city.
Right.
And so they didn't care for that.
But anyway,
so I can understand
making fun of the reffing and complaining about it but what's happened with the sharks is fucking
insane in the first round they went to game seven and they got a five minute major called in their
favor and the way a five minute major works is it's a power play so you get you know the other
team has to lose a guy but if you score unlike a normal power play where it's like all right you got your goal
power play over a major doesn't happen still on the power play they were losing three to nothing
to the vegas golden knights in the third period the refs call this bonehead five minute major
the sharks score four four goals and they take the lead four to three
then vegas ties it up four to four they go to overtime and the sharks win it that's a game that
the sharks had no business even being in without that bonehead call then last night i was watching
a lot of the colorado uh san jose game seven and mckinnon are the second best player in the league behind McDavid
is on a breakaway, get tripped egregiously by the sharks and no call. They also, the Colorado
avalanche got a goal, a goal called back. They got, they, they had, they were, they challenged,
you know, the Colorado avalanche scored. And then they're like, no, that guy was off sides. And so they went back and looked in the refs were like, nope,
overturned. Yep. It was off sides. No goal. Turns out that wasn't even the right call from the rule
book. I read from a hockey journalist tweeting it where it was like, no, that guy wasn't off sides.
He was leaving the ice. He was, he already had one step into the bench. Like he wasn't playing
anymore. Like that shouldn't be a goal call back.
And so the Sharks have fiddle-fucked their way
into the Western Conference Finals,
and I just hope that we don't suck dick.
You know what I don't like about the Sharks?
They had a decent regular season, right?
They were a pretty good team this year.
This isn't the playoffs where good teams do well.
Teams like the Hurricanes and the
Blues were the teams that are moving
forward. Your Sharks and your Tampa Bays,
they're supposed to be at home watching us play by
now. So fuck them. They're not invited
to this lopsided, upside-down
party. St. Louis versus
Carolina is what I want to happen
in the Stanley Cup Final because
we tend to play pretty well against Carolina and
their style. If we play against Boston... Are you sure about that this year?
This year, you can't even look at our first half of the season
because we sucked dick. In the second half of the season, the Blues had a better record than even the
Tampa Bay Lightning. The Blues have been the best team in the league by far since January 3rd.
Did we just play in the first half? Is that the scoop?
We may have played one of those games.
I don't recall the exact
matchup. I'm just going based off
the style of the Hurricanes
that we would do better against them.
If the Blues can't win it, I want the
Hurricanes to because fuck the
NHL and NBC.
NBC has the worst announcers
of all time. Another thing,
fuck the Sharks. All these
fans being like, oh, I want
Joe Thornton to get one. I want
Jumbo Joe. Jumbo Joe is
a player who's been for the Sharks for a while. He's
a big guy. He played for the
Boston Bruins. He started playing in
1997, I believe. He's 39 years old, which
is like being a thousand in hockey years.
And all these fans are like, oh, this guy, I wish Jumbo Joe would get a cup. It's like, old, which is like being a thousand in hockey years. And all these fans are like,
Oh,
this guy,
we,
I wish jumbo Joe would get a cup.
It's like,
no fuck that dude.
Fuck that guy.
He out went out of, he goes out of his way to injure people.
Sometimes he went out of his way to injure David Perron.
His,
his first year in the NHL,
when he was playing for the blues,
took away a year and a half of that guy's ability to play,
gave him concussion issues.
Fucking Perron has to
wear a tinted visor now because
the ice is too bright.
Because he's had so many concussions.
And that fucking cunt, Joe Thornton,
started that whole thing. And so fuck
Joe Thornton. I hope he never
wins a Stanley Cup. That guy sucks.
You won me over on Joe Thornton.
I have a few questions from a non-hockey person.
Is there a team that gets home field advantage, home ice advantage?
Yes, a team with a better record.
Do the Blues have the better record in their matchup?
I think the Canes have a better record than the Blues.
Yeah, I don't know.
The Blues and Canes were so close, I'd have to check.
I think the Canes finished with 96 points, I think,
and the Blues finished with 99.
It's very, very close regardless.
Here's another question.
Do either of you have any intention of...
Wait, wait.
Are your teams playing each other?
Is that the case right now?
Only if they win this round.
My team is playing Chiz's team.
Okay, but there's a potential for your teams
to play each other, huh?
Yeah, if my team wins,
that's really cool.
If my team wins,
then we'll both be in the Stanley Cup final.
We both got 99 points in the season.
The Canes have more wins.
What's the ROW, the regulation wins?
That's what they go by.
The Canes have 46, and the Blues have 45.
Yep, so then the Canes would have home.
But that's good for us.
I'm still right, 44-42.
The Blues have had away field advantage the entire time. Our away record
is fantastic this playoffs
compared to our home record. It doesn't make any goddamn sense.
Another follow-up question.
Do either of you have any intention to perhaps watch one of these
games since they're so close
by you? It gets hard to get
into a finals game. I'm definitely going to at least
one of these Western Conference final games.
If there's a Stanley Cup game in
St. Louis, I'll shell out to go to that. games. And if there's a Stanley Cup game in St. Louis,
I'll shell out to go to that.
I would love to go watch a Stanley Cup game here.
That would be so fucking cool.
Yeah, I don't know how Ticketmaster, StubHub,
shit like that works,
but is there a way you could potentially pre-purchase the tickets in case they get the matchup now?
I don't think so,
because they don't schedule it until it actually happens.
Because NHL and NBA playoffs happen at the same time, and so there are cities that have a team of both. think so because they don't schedule it until it actually happens because uh nhl and nba playoffs
happen at the same time and so there are cities that have a team of both and so they like have
to like do every other night because they just remove all the ice then reveal the court then
yeah that's really cool that is really cool how they do that i'm sure you've seen the time lapse
of that happening really fast it's pretty neat pretty neat how they do that those like where
do you find the people who are professionals at that?
Like in Atlanta, when they first started doing that.
An ice man? Yeah.
In Atlanta, for example, like, alright,
Hawks got to play tonight, boys. Get that ice gone
and get the court out here.
None of us know what the fuck
you're talking about.
Alright, now you need to
cover that court back up with ice.
The thrashers are on tonight.
We have a hockey team.
See, that doesn't sound right.
Some rednecks with hoses.
I don't know how we're going to freeze this.
I thought this was a slaughterhouse.
Why ain't there no hooks in this?
It's so funny that the NHL tried so hard to get Atlanta to come on board with it.
And they gave Atlanta a team twice.
And both times Atlanta just was like, I don't care.
And they learned from that mistake because the Thrashers were frankly horrific.
They were getting their shit pushed in most nights.
And so when Vegas came about, they clearly learned their lesson about all of those teams.
They're like, Vegas, you can have one
player from everyone.
Kovalchuk hated being on the thrashers
so much it poisoned his
NHL desire.
He went back and played in Russia for a long time.
I'm excited
about it. I know I haven't been basketball for
a long time or anything, but the Sixers are trying
to force a game seven right now,
and they're up by 15 as we speak.
So I'm excited.
Who plays for the Sixers?
Embiid is their – his name's not Joel.
It's like Joel Embiid.
Oh, he's the unibrow guy.
No, that's Anthony Davis, I think you're thinking of.
But Embiid is their star.
They've got this guy, Ben Simmons,
who is like this great sort of finisher in the paint, but he can't shoot.
So they have two guys who are good next to the net, and they don't play that well together.
They've stocked up.
They've got Tobias Harris.
They've got Jimmy Butler.
They have like maybe the second best starting five.
I know you're very interested.
I was really hoping you were going to name one of those four players that I've heard of.
Sorry.
Joel Embiid is their most famous.
Is it LeBron James?
Because if not
I don't know
They have
And J.J. Redick
Is like the last guy
In their starting five
That is
Like one of the best
Starting fives in all of basketball
Wait he played J.J. Redick
On the team?
Yeah
Oh you know him
Yeah
Of course Duke
Yeah
That's right
So yeah
He's still in the NBA
And he's a good player
He's a shooter
He's weak on defense
And so the team
They're playing in Toronto
Is kind of like
Anytime you can Get it to the guy J.J. Redick's defending He's weak on defense. And so the team they're playing, Toronto, is kind of like,
anytime you can, get it to the guy JJ Redick's defending.
But it looks like it's halftime, so you don't know,
but it looks like they might force a game seven, and I would like that. Something about game sevens that you have on your side, Woody,
is if the NHL, if the Carolina Hurricanes go to a game seven,
you have Justin Williams. He's a guy who's like
he's pretty good in the regular season like just kind of he'll never make the hall of fame or
anything not even fucking close but in the postseason he's known as mr game seven because
inexplicably over the past like 12 years on all these different teams justin williams
like his points per game in game sevens
is insane yeah i'm pretty sure he played for the flyers too just there's a couple like brinda
moore's another one who played for the flyers and the hurricanes uh there's he played for the
blues i think at some point brinda moore or no no i'm getting mixed up sorry um uh oh and the
hurricanes are oddly good in overtime Like whenever we go to overtime
I'm like
We won
Oh no we did draft Brindamore
I knew it
Yeah 1998 we drafted him
Or no not 98
We had him for
Three years
And then the Blues were like
This guy clearly won't be awesome
Always He's not going to be the heart and soul of the Flyers Three years, and then the Blues were like, this guy clearly won't be awesome.
Always.
He's not going to be the heart and soul of the Flyers before he is for the Hurricanes and wins a cup there, probably.
Justin Williams is a guy I wish we had on the Blues in the playoffs
because it's inexplicable.
I was watching the Hurricanes game seven in the previous series against the Islanders.
In the first round against
washington washington capitals yeah against the capitals and i was like and like all the announcers
are like mr game seven's here and they can't count these carolina hurricanes out washington's tough
reigning champions but you can't count them out and i'm like i mean this guy's like in his early
to mid 30s which is old in the nhl i think that mr. Game 7 thing is kind of done. Nope. Nope. Serves up a
big apple on a plate. Finishes
up the game. I like
little storylines like that. Those players
I wonder what it is. Those players that kind of are
whatever in the regular season and
then the playoffs that come alive. Pat Maroon's
been like that for us. Big rig.
You know, the guy who scored
the game winning goal for us in game 7.
I'm just excited to see where it goes.
I think it's players whose style isn't ruined by physical play.
And sometimes it's almost like a horseshoe thing,
like where if your style is hindered by physical play,
someone like Johnny Gaudreau, who's a very, very small guy,
plays for the Calgary Flames, he gets throttled in the playoffs
because the refs, if you don't watch NHL playoffs, the He gets throttled in the playoffs because the refs,
if you're,
if you don't watch NHL playoffs,
the refs swallow their whistles in the playoffs.
They let you get away with anything.
And so in the regular season,
you know,
you slash Johnny Goudreau two minutes,
get in the box post season.
You slash him.
You just steal the puck and move it the other way.
I think we're agreeing.
Yeah.
I think the players that misunderstood.
Yeah.
I think the players that do well in the playoffs,
and people said basketball again,
it's happening to Ben Simmons.
Ben Simmons, all season long,
they're getting these three-on-two fast breaks and stuff,
and he does great.
He's one of the best players in the leagues.
Come playoff time against the Raptors,
well, they're defending him.
They're giving every play 100% effort,
and his style doesn't seem to be thriving against that.
And then in hockey, it's the same thing.
I think guys who just depend on speed
and you not giving 100%,
and I do, and I just zip around.
If suddenly, if I can't do that against your all,
then I don't do well.
I think that's what's going on i mean that's
why that's why maroon is doing so good for us like he's winning those board battles whereas
like in the regular season like he's a six four thick thick with two c's kind of guy i'm familiar
yeah like he's a he's a big dude and his ability to hold on to the puck and keep possession in
those corners especially in the postseason because the regular season he throws a bow
or, well, not an obvious bow or something.
You know, you get called for that.
Like, you can really rough people up and do that.
And if he's up against a guy who's, you know,
if he's up against a 5'11", like a small defenseman,
that guy doesn't have a chance.
He's not getting the puck.
So I'm just so stoked the Blues won that game because I was sitting.
I was rooting for him, too.
I was watching game seven.
I've never watched a playoff game where one team absolutely dominated the entire game.
Except the scoring part.
Except for the scoring part because we couldn't get it past Ben Bishop.
He was playing out of his mind.
We were shelling that dude with everything we had, just howitzers. And we couldn't get anything past him until the very end of the second over,
the middle of the second overtime. But I was just thinking all the time, I'm like, God damn it.
The Sharks or the Stars, they're just going to score some fluky goal. And then I'm going to be
sad the rest of the night. And nope, we actually made it. So anything from here on out, even if we
lose in the Western Conference Finals, this is such a good season for the blues i did not anticipate them
making it this far so that's that's really cool and the hurricanes and just as great a story yeah
both the blues and the hurricanes it's pretty cool they're in the playoffs let alone the final
the conference finals uh months and months ago like near the middle of the season when the Hurricanes
sucked, and I was like,
dude, look at how many shots on net
they're getting. Look at how
offensively powerful they are.
Bounces just aren't going their way.
They're gonna turn it up. That's not where I thought you were going.
I thought you were gonna say,
remember when, like, mid-season
we were both like, well, I hope
we suck even harder for the draft pick
well see up until the first round of the uh the stanley cup playoffs i was like
i was half like god damn it blues we're just giving fucking uh the rangers we can't even
lose well a really good pick yeah but uh but we didn't even do that by winning game seven of round two
we moved to buffalo's pick from like ninth overall to like 19th overall which kind of
sucks because i don't mind buffalo i feel bad for them like they buffalo for a team that has sucked
so hard for so long their viewership is insanely high like the buffalo the people of buffalo love
the sabers so good for them but i don't love Buffalo. Oh, I don't mind them.
They had Barnaby forever.
He was impossible to like.
They were just a team that sucked, that had the best goalie in the history of goalies.
Dominic Hasek.
I remember watching a VHS tape of him when I was a kid.
I was a goalie.
He was like my him, Marty Brodeur, Ed Belfour, who the fuck else?
Mike Richter.
Hasek's backstory is like the – Dominic Hasek is like, you know,
I really don't like it here much because the coach fucked my wife
and I'm not okay with that.
They're like, oh, yeah, that's a strong point.
I guess we'll have to fire. Is it Lindy Ruff? Is that his they're like oh yeah that's a strong point i guess we'll have to
fire is it lindy ruff is that his name yeah yeah he's uh he was coaching the fucking stars last
year i think was he yeah the uh the thing about dominic hasik as a goalie was like
like now everything is about like form and squaring up and geometry and cutting down on
your angles making sure you're in the best possible positions. Yeah. Percentages.
And the goalie with the best safe percentage across their career of all time is Dominic
Hasek.
And he didn't give a fuck about form or anything.
He just flopped around.
He's the most flexible man to ever exist.
He just would throw himself in front of the puck in awkward ways.
Like, I don't know how he did it.
Like, I'll still watch his highlights and be like, you're so out of position.
How are you going to – oh, you're just going to jump?
Okay, I guess jumping didn't jump into anybody's –
It's funny.
That happens in fighting sometimes too.
They're like, all right, you got to protect your face.
You got to do this.
You keep your arms in.
They go high, you do this.
You go low, you do that.
Like, well, the best striker ever, what does he do?
Oh, well, he kind of comes at you with his arms down here.
And just somehow throws from the hip.
Don't people see it coming?
Yeah, no, I don't know why.
But that's what they do.
So anyway, what I desperately want and I'm wishing for
is the San Jose Sharks versus the Boston Bruins in the Stanley Cup final.
Oh, I see what you're doing.
I want that so much.
Oh, Lord, answer my prayer.
San Jose versus Boston.
And definitely, definitely give Joe Thornton a cup.
Don't you dare, God.
Let him get grievously injured.
I like that you're pulling the wool over God's eyes. This'll work.
It has worked. On my
Twitter,
it worked in the first series.
Both games that we were close about to lose against
Winnipeg, I tweeted, Go Jets Go.
We won those games.
In game seven, I saw people
tweeting at me being like,
Say it! Root for the Stars! Say it!
So I tweeted, Go Stars Go. Won that game. tweeting at me being like say it root for the stars say it so i tweeted go stars go
won that game and so i'm doing a good job of fooling god unless he's a patron we're set
anyway that's enough hockey i'm just i'm just super excited about it so it's really cool to
finally once again because last time we made it to the western conference finals the sharks knocked
us out in 2016.
But the Blues and Sharks have traded off series
since their inception in 2000, I think.
So we're due.
Anyway, Kyle, something you'd be interested in?
Sorry.
Okay, change up.
I was saying, I was giving you the floor.
Go ahead.
Kyle?
No, Taylor, you said, Kyle is something you'd be interested in.
Oh, I was saying that as a question.
I must have had the wrong inflection.
I was meaning more like, I'm sorry, Kyle.
Let's jump to something you want to talk about because you've been enduring our hockey shit.
I have a thing.
Kyle, do you want to pick a topic?
No, you go ahead.
No, no, no. I thought I was bailing you out,
and it appears that I'm not.
I had this video that I liked from earlier of these two African men stealing a gazelle from two leopards.
And I thought it was like the most – I thought that was the most badass thing I'd ever seen. This is already sounding pretty dope. I want to hear it. I want to watch it.
I mean, it's just absurd.
Stealing it from two leopards.
We're always talking about man versus beast and shit like that.
like stealing it from two leopards we're always talking about like man versus beast and shit like that and like here's a case of like our intelligence and just not not even that crazy of a tool just
looks like a stick not even a good stick like a whippy stick like a whippy stick can we start it
yeah i'm at zero taylor i'm ready ready set play oh no fear the cats are unlikely to charge Ready, set, play.
They hit the ground first to show they meant business.
I like that they show a little offense.
Like, whenever the cats get a little spicy,
they're like, don't you dare.
Yeah. Yeah, if you were to just run,
he'd be dead.
Are there more videos like this? This is so cool.
I'm loving this.
The cheetahs will not call the Bushman's bluff.
Look at this guy.
What a badass.
What a fucking badass.
That guy looks like he's 50.
55.
Like he's an older Joe.
It's amazing because... I'm sorry, Winnie the Pooh guy.
You have been dethroned for the cool-ass guy.
It's this guy.
Was he the previous guy?
Yeah.
I think so. I think the Set Your House on Fire guy. Oh's this guy. Was he the previous guy? Yeah. I think so.
I think the set your house on fire guy.
Oh, you're right.
All right.
I don't know.
It's pretty neck and neck.
Yeah.
I just like,
it's exactly what I said.
The cheetahs are like coming at you
and they're like,
don't you even think about it.
And the cheetahs are like,
huh, maybe I shouldn't think about it.
He has a stick with a fuzzy end on it.
It's not scary to me.
Yeah, he's just slapping them in the face,
and he's being aggressive.
He's acting like something the cheetah shouldn't fuck with.
He's outfitting those cheetahs.
Yeah, and in the animal kingdom, I guess that's enough to like,
well, he's acting like something I shouldn't fuck with.
Maybe I'll chase him a little.
Oh, no, he really means it.
I better not fuck with him, and they just believe it.
And I feel like those animals,
like those cats were probably like,
man, that's a really tall animal.
It must be huge.
I don't want to fuck with this guy.
I bet he's really strong.
No, actually their muscles are super ineffective
compared to what you'd think.
Yeah, cheetahs,
you could have fucked both of them up pretty good.
Yeah. Those cheetahs, their children are probably
Going to starve to death now
So that Kunta Kinte
They can catch another
Whatever that is, antelope
Well they earned that catch
They came in like scavengers and just whipped around
Their cat toys
You know I would think putting a fuzzy end on those things
Would be a bad idea
Because a fuzzy thing on the end of a stick always gets a cat's attention.
That's true.
That's right.
You know what they should have done?
One could have distracted them with yarn while the other stole the prey.
That would have been very clever.
Or a laser pointer.
A laser pointer.
Now, the local Umbambi use an ancient technique.
They use a laser pointer they found on the body of a man they killed and ate.
That's awesome, though.
I love seeing shit like that.
Like people fucking with animals.
Like, I like seeing those guys kill bears with spears.
I know it's kind of frowned upon some people don't like it
I know that's been outlawed some place. A lot of the kills don't go well enough
Yeah, that's that's the that's the worry part that people don't feel like they're
Humane enough, I guess you know the animal doesn't die quickly enough and and I get that but
If the bear catches the man, he's not gonna kill the man quickly either. I don't know.
Something about it I'm just okay with.
If you're going to get killed by a wild animal,
the best kind to get killed by is a big cat.
No!
Because big cats kill you instantly.
They don't.
What they do in their approach is they'll paw you down,
and then once you're down,
straight to the back of the neck, you're dead.
A bear will just eat you alive.
We watch different documentaries documentaries then because the ones
i see say that all cats big cats little cats etc tend to toy with their prey and play with it and
they don't necessarily maybe the kill shots quick like you're saying but they will definitely fuck
with their prey before killing it um i think some of the big cats like they'll they'll bite you on
the neck and like suffocate you like the lions for sure like that lions think some of the big cats, they'll bite you on the neck and suffocate you, like the lions.
For sure. Lions, tigers, panthers,
the big ones. But I'm sure we've
all seen those Nature's Metal videos where an antelope
is down and the hyenas pull its fetus
out and then rip the fetus apart while it's still alive.
Nature's Metal is rough
to watch. Dude, Nature's Metal
is my favorite part of Reddit.
Is it ever too much?
No, it's always fascinating to me.
It's cool to see what animals are getting up to.
What they're getting up to.
I tend to root for one,
and it's not always the way you want it to go.
Sometimes I'm just cruel about it.
I think I saw an eagle rip the neck off like a dove.
So now it's a full intact dove,
except for the fact that he has
nothing but like a spine connecting his head and he's standing there have you guys seen this are
you thinking of the duck one maybe it is a duck then and then it's just and then it's just
stumbling around with no head no like that's oh it's different then because the one i saw has a
head but everything like around what i'm guessing is, what is the breathing tube called?
Esophagus, maybe?
And the spine is gone. So the duck
is alive, but clearly not too
much longer, because his neck has been
removed.
I can't believe you guys don't like
nature as metal. Because I feel bad for
the animals when they're being tortured apart.
Like, if something dies quickly,
I feel like that's how it should be, but that's just not how nature goes like like
hunters get a bad rap i think because a hunter's goal is always to instantaneously like kill the
animal if they can um i mean the spear guy is a bit out there but he's doing a whole another thing
and i've seen hunters use a blow gun um like i saw this guy hide in this vessel of water
like up to his eyes with this big blow
gun already cocked and ready and i don't remember what he killed but it wasn't like a rodent he
killed like a mountain goat or something he shot it like in the heart with this barbed blow dart
and if he doesn't hit it in the heart it it don't it doesn't die it was crazy but i think you should
use a bow or a gun if you're gonna go Unless it's a bear I have this standard scoring system
Of you know these animals are good guys
And these animals are bad guys
And I don't like it when the good guys suffer
On nature is metal
Like that's a penguin
That's not cool
See I don't mind that because you always have to remember
The predators are trying to get food for their kids
Well intellectually I know that you're right,
but hyenas are clearly bad guys.
I've seen the Lion King.
Yeah, Taylor, have you not seen...
Are we going to have to put that in The Wire
and Rambo 2 on your playlist?
I've seen the Lion King.
I've seen the Lion King.
You've not seen Rambo either?
No, I've seen Rambo. I saw the first one.
I mean, the second one's pretty good.
You really need to see Terminator, dude.
Oh, that's what I was thinking of when I said it, yeah.
Terminator's fucking good, man.
It's not just a silly action movie.
It was groundbreaking. It's James Cameron, right?
Is it James Cameron, or is it...
James Cameron, the bravest pioneer.
It was James Cameron, yeah.
That song reminded me that, yeah, the same guy.
Same guy.
Oh, Avengers beat Titanic.
Like, that happened, like, since PKN.
It beat Titanic.
And James Cameron tweeted at him, like, congratulations.
And he had this infographic of, like, the Avengers A capsizing a Titanic.
Like, he, like, had that included in his tweet.
Very, very, what's the word I'm looking for?
Whatever.
Nice tweet from James Cameron.
Yeah, he wasn't butthurt about it,
which I feel like a lesser person.
If he had one big movie,
he might be like,
fuck you, you're a stupid superhero shit.
He's got like eight of them that are like that.
How long do you think it's going to be in the future
until people are young
enough that they don't realize Titanic was a real
thing that happened?
I think there are people right now who don't realize it was a real thing
that happened. Taylor said
it backwards, didn't he? Am I crazy?
I must have phrased
it poorly. How long will it be in the future
before there are people who don't believe the Titanic
actually happened? They just think
of the Kate Winslet movie.
I think there are people right now.
If Jimmy Kimmel went out on the street and phrased it correctly,
he'd find 30% of people aren't aware that in 1909 or whatever,
that there was actually a big fucking boat called the Titanic
that went down and hundreds of people drowned.
That's a funny conspiracy that I hope is out there. I'm going to look for it. It's people who don't believe the Titanic that went down and hundreds of people drowned. That's a funny conspiracy that I hope is out there.
I'm going to look for it.
It's people who don't believe the Titanic happened.
I bet that is, those are people out there.
If people believe the flat Earth is real,
I saw a conspiracy where conspiracy theorists
who were into moon landing shit and all that
were saying stuff like,
the entirety of the flat earth
conspiracy is meant to
make us look ridiculous.
It's all fake.
All those people running that site are
grifters and they're inside men
with the government meaning to paint all
conspiracy theorists as a crazy person.
It's like you're not helping your kids.
Who said that? Alex Jones?
It was some random comment.
If it was Alex Jones, you best believe I'd be pulling that voice out.
You knew what I was thinking.
I watch a little bit of Alex Jones,
but very little.
And I had this opinion of him that he's an entertainer.
He doesn't say
crazy shit all the time.
But my friend Mitty has a soundboard
that he uses in rust like he'll
he'll play it to people and mess with them and stuff and he's got a lot of he's got a bunch of
like quotes related to us he's got a bunch of quotes from like wings he's got a bunch of and
he's got alex jones quotes as well and he started playing some of these alex jones quotes that i'd
never heard before that man's insane he's like i'm an american my right my blood is red my heart pumps blood
i love having children i love being free
who was it howard dean yeah i knew you i was thinking the same
that was such a funny like little moment where everyone in the country kind of realized at the same time like
maybe not that guy not this guy maybe not that guy yeah well they'd already kind of realized
that because he had lost that caucus yeah that's why he was all pumped up he was trying to
reinvigorate his his base we'll go to missouri we'll go to north carolina we'll go to Missouri. We'll go to North Carolina. We'll go to South Carolina. Yeah!
And the way that it – it turns out like it didn't sound that crazy in person, they say.
That because he was like talking into a mic, it really came through.
Like more shrill and weird.
And it wasn't part of an audience.
Yeah, the audience noise was removed.
He was yelling over a crowd.
And with a crowd who were all screaming.
And with a crowd.
In the same way that if I sang with a crowd, it might sound reasonable.
But if you isolate my audio, it's horrific.
Yeah.
Now I feel bad for this guy.
If you're at a sporting event, one guy will do some kind of crazy scream out there. Like, crazy scream out there like and you're in it it's like oh yeah that's part of the crowd everybody's
hyped up but if you just isolated him and took everybody out of the picture and put him on a
stage and there was one like 40 year old guy like it's out there with like some nachos in his hand
and suddenly he went oh shit that's my dentist yeah oh i don't want that guy in my mouth never again never again
he just licked his finger do you see that i like that taylor says i don't want that guy in my mouth
i'm like but wait oh his hands right yeah all right just just open up this is a depth test
it wasn't the hands was like the third thing I thought of.
You haven't quite mastered the throat opening technique.
All right, Mr. Thirsty's coming.
Who's winning the...
Is it still Biden winning or is Bernie winning now?
Last I saw Biden's winning.
It's really early to mean much.
It's really early to mean much.
Have you seen that website that's like joe biden or whatever oh
it's so have you seen it taylor no i haven't all right well we gotta look at that next
it's joe biden.info i think so that sounds right joe biden hurricanes are beating the bruins
hell yeah dude go canes fuck i'm looking in 2020 i'm sorry go bruins thank you go bruins biden 2020 uncle joe is back and
ready to take a hands-on approach to america's problems joe biden has a good feel for the
american people and knows exactly what they really want deep down he's happy to open up and reveal
himself to voters and will give a pounding to anybody who gets in his way. That's hilarious. That's
so fucking funny because it looks official.
It does. And if you scroll down
to like the bank
of gifts. Oh, it's just a bunch of gifts.
Dude, before I read the words, I was like,
this isn't a joke. This is fine.
But then you can't do it.
Yeah. Oh, the funniest one
is that little redhead girl who's
like, did you read the quotes? I promise you the president has a big stick. Joe Biden The funniest one is that little redhead girl who's like...
Have you read the quotes?
I promise you, the president is a big stick.
Joe Biden, 2012.
What else has he got?
Against gay marriage.
Oh my god, look at these gifs, dude.
You said this one's the best one?
I've looked at them all
and concentrated on them.
Oh, look at the third one!
Oh, it's
the one where he's like petting this girl you know in like that right here oh it's so dirty kid
look at look at the bottom right one the one that's like rode to the white house and he shakes
this woman's hand he's very cute and then he goes for like the little chin grab thing like oh aren't
you a little doll and she recoils as a normal
she's like ah and then bottom left when he kisses this this little child being held by her father
and she is this is what it looks like when you like poke a dove a dove with a knitting needle
like a baby if a baby dove were in its nest and you kept poking it with a knitting needle it go
like it's it's she's pulling her
little you know what's cool though about all this is that the fact that he goes in for two to five
kisses i think it's three it's on a loop it's hard to be positive but i think it's three that
he can tell that these people aren't appreciating it these girls and women but that doesn't stop joe counterpoint biker chick bottom picture in the
middle totally digging it yeah it's her husband who's not digging it look at the two men who are
like look at this creepy ass fuck oh that's actually a good point yeah the husband i think
the husband and son are not happy if if joe biden showed up at the Woodworth estate and was like, hey, oh, Jackie.
And then he sat down and pulled your wife onto his leg and tried to give her a little chin touch, Joe Biden would no longer be running in the presidency.
That's the weirdest part to me.
Because you would kill him.
All these guys get cucked by him.
And I'm like, are they just too polite?
Are they just like, they don't say or do anything?
You can't berate somebody that powerful in public.
Or what?
Like, I don't know.
You end up Clintonized.
All right.
Now scroll down a little more to Joe's legislative accomplishments.
And look, I'm sure there's some people who would look at the GIFs and be like,
ah, come on, that's just eight instances that he was creepy.
Eight?
Over a lifetime of being in front of the camera.
Did you miss the second batch of six?
There's like 40-minute YouTube compilations.
A baker's dozen.
A baker's dozen of Uncle Joe being a little creepy.
I can get past it.
Hey, Donald Trump claimed to have touched a pussy one time, all right?
I heard him say it with his own mouth.
And they let me do it.
They let me do it.
You do whatever you want when you're powerful.
You're a star.
But that guy, Joe Biden, my goodness, he's got balls.
Dude, that would be the funniest approach.
Even if you're a star, the kids say no.
The problem with Biden is he's still pushing for the kids.
The kids have no idea the power he holds.
My tip to Mr. Joe...
Are you on From Ukraine with Love?
Is that where I'm supposed to be showing people?
No, I'm on his legislative accomplishments.
He was against gay marriage.
In 1996, Joe Biden voted for the Defense of Marriage Act,
which defined marriages between a man and a woman.
This also prevented states from recognizing same-sex marriages.
He was for mass incarceration
and the three-st're out policy in 94
that resulted in many people spending life sentences in jail for minor crimes.
It was nicknamed the Biden bill. He was against abortion rights. In 82, he voted for a constitutional
amendment, which would have allowed states to overturn Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision
which legalized abortion. He was for the death penalty and harsh drug sentences
including civil asset forfeiture
without a conviction and imposing
death penalty for drug-related murders.
He was for
the Iraq War.
All of those fuckers were for the Iraq War.
Alright, well I'm just adding it to the other
half dozen just like the creepy pictures.
The Iraq War, which
you know, and then they talk about the Iraq war.
He was against school busing.
In the 70s, he stated that I have become convinced that busing is a bankrupt concept.
He actively worked to oppose busing as a way to desegregate schools.
He even wrote letters seeking the support of people who thought that schools should be segregated by race.
Some of this stuff, I wonder if it's true true some of the stuff i know to be true right like like i i happened i was paying attention to politics at the time stuff like trying to overturn roe v wade
ish you know letting the states do it i'm like really i wonder if that's on target
this side is hilarious but uh yeah and well there's a source linked oh that's a good
point um he uh he opened up his as the new york times too it's a pretty solid source um he uh he
opened up his campaign with like an apology tour for all the legislation that he got wrong
like they all do yeah i'm sorry about that yeah you know the pandering of the past
often doesn't match the pandering of the present he's literally cuffing this girl's breast i mean
there's no other that little girl with the black shirt on there's no there's no way you cannot say
that he is grabbing this little girl's prepubescent nipple like does she have like a red skirt on
which i'm like okay and she's clearly trying to get away from it
it makes her uncomfortable and like watch the beginning of that gif this is awesome because
it's a dual grope he's trying to kiss that woman as he's groping their daughter yeah
man this is actually uh that's not ideal
yeah you know they're not going to,
if they run Biden, he might do
all right, but like,
you're going to lose all the Bernie bros.
One thing that bothers me about Biden,
it bothers me about Trump too,
I heard him speak recently,
and he has this thing that impacts
people in their 70s, like he's slurring,
he has too much saliva in his mouth,
and I'm just like, oh my gosh.
Did he just recently get new teeth?
He sounded awful.
And I'm just like, you can't run this.
I never get this word right.
Septuagenarian?
Septuagenarian.
Septuagenarian.
You can't run a septuagenarian.
I'm not down for it.
I don't want it.
I don't want our septuagenarian going against their septuagenarian septuagenarian you can't run a septuagenarian i'm not down for it i don't want it i don't want our septuagenarian going against their septuagenarian the only choice you have is which nearly dead candidate you're choosing look closely at the vice president like a 35
they should have a maximum age as well oh shit like you shouldn't be able to run if you're 80 years old. What about a weight limit?
Unless you made it into the presidency.
A BMI.
Before him.
Oh, what if Hillary didn't make the BMI, though?
Hillary didn't make it?
Fucking Trump wouldn't have made it.
Yeah, I was going to say, who struggles more, Hillary or Trump with the BMI?
But with BMI, I don't know.
She's like 5'4 or something.
I would guess they're both about the same BMI.
Also, it should be different for women. It just should be.
Should it? It's BMI,
not body fat content percentage.
Maybe I don't understand
BMI, but I thought women carried a higher BMI.
Well, they
have different scales for it.
The range for overweight for men is different
than the range for overweight for women because of that
body fat amount.
I think that's what I'm saying.
It should be different for women.
They should have their own scale.
Yeah, it already is.
So let's say the disqualifying BMI for a man was 35 or something.
Then for a woman it would be 37.
Right, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah.
For a second it almost sounded like by the time it gets to the number
it's already sorted out, but no.
Yeah.
I think they would both struggle because I think I would guess – I don't know.
But I would guess she's 5'4", 145, and he's 6'2", 240.
Funny point though.
They would both struggle.
He's not 240.
240.
I'm turning during the election.
That is a 260-pound man. I'm turning during the election. No way.
I'm turning during the election.
If he was 260 during the election,
what is he, 300 now?
If he was 260 during the election,
I bet he's 270 now.
You don't think he's 300? We know people who...
300 is too high,
but he's definitely past 250.
A lot of it's how tall he he is yeah but that's like into the
equation i mean i mean bmi it is but we're talking about his weight so i look what i wrote in the
chat like like come on like like um he's not that big but he's... Look, that's an overweight man. I'm with you 100%.
But that's not 300 pounds.
Look at that fucking gullet.
Yeah, he's 70 fucking years old.
And fat.
Yeah, should he be getting thin again?
I mean, it's not like he's...
Look, one argument against this thing we're doing right now.
What's he doing right there in that picture, right?
He's out there playing a sport, you know?
I wonder if he rides the cart.
Do you really wonder that?
Do you really wonder that?
That's the greatest question.
Yeah, I'm confident he rides the cart.
Plus, I read he does.
If there were a sudden thing where it's like,
all right, I'm still going to golf just as much as I used to,
not using the cart. Definitely not using the the cart if you didn't show back up he'd be losing weight
so quickly because you do 18 holes of golf i bet that's like a couple miles easy it's got it
counts for something yeah i do think he's taking i think i even read that he's possessive about the
driver's seat interesting i mean i am too because it's fun to
drive i'm not i like it when colin drives like i like it when i heard he's quite a good golfer
i've heard that too i mean you can't be shit and play with tiger woods he's like a scratch golfer
i think yeah like i'm i bet he's like a three or four handicap or something i've so i've read that
he's a good golfer i've read that i've also read he's an insane che or four handicap or something. So I've read that he's a good golfer. I've read that. I've also read he's
an insane cheater and that his
scores are dumb. Like he's a scratch golfer
but he's really like a
nine golfer and
a nine is good. It's not something you should be
ashamed of, especially if you're over 70
but he has to lie and act like he's a scratch
golfer. But that's consistent
with everything about Trump.
Frankly, I don't care how good of a golfer he is golf is boring and i hate it never saw him saving
underage girl saving it for my old age yes um yeah yeah biden's not the guy i i hope that like
because i'm down for a democrat to win this thing i really am like like don't think that i'm some
like rah-rah red team guy here like i i think that it'd be good if a Democrat won.
But don't hang your flag on Biden.
For all the reasons that I just read on that joke website,
which are all true, unfortunately.
And all those GIFs are creepy.
They honestly are creepy.
The GIFs are creepy?
If that was any of our loved ones,
if any of those children were our loved ones,
we would have a very sour opinion about Joe Biden
that we don't have because it's separated by the internet and a third party. And he's a famous rich man who
is world renowned or whatever. If that was your niece, your daughter, your cousin, your, your,
your sister, you'd be like, Joe Biden's a creepy motherfucker. Do you see what he did to my sister?
She was 11. She was 11. You know what she said when she got home? I don't ever want to go back
there again. That was my shining moment. I was being awarded for my work in economics or for my Nobel Prize.
And I had to sit there and watch while Joe Biden, while I was cuckolded, my daughter was groped and my wife was smooched on and snipped.
I wish just one of those gifts was the dad batting his hand off his six-year-old daughter's breast and being like, what the fuck?
What the living fuck?
You just grabbed her boob.
You know, just like smacking it down and let that gift play in eternity.
I want to see him grow up.
Oh, you broke all the blood vessels in my old car.
Where's that?
Oh, there's a really funny Jeff.
Yeah.
My current favorite is Pete Buttigieg.
Buttigieg?
Yeah. There's a really funny Jeff Sessions. My current favorite is Pete Buttigieg.
But he's also kind of taking a little heat right now for not doing anything policy-wise.
He's just sort of introducing himself to people.
I see him as kind of like a Manchurian candidate
in that nobody knows anything.
Or no, that's the wrong use of that. Sorry.
I think it is.
Do you think he's a Chinese set-em-up?
He is a Peter
Boutigier.
No.
I
like nobody knows shit about the
dude. And so he's kind of like almost like
Obama in the way that nobody knew anything about him
where he's like
a nice seeming guy
where people can like almost project
their beliefs onto him. And that's why I think he's
intentionally not making any policy prescriptions because he's capitalizing on the well this guy's
not trump and he's pleasant to look at and oh he's gay how that's progressive okay yeah i'm in i
don't know what he's gonna do i have no plan he doesn't see afghan veteran that's one of his big
things yeah he uh i i and i i don't. Maybe I'm just putting too much on that.
But if you want to contrast him with Trump,
you know, he's like a gay mayor.
A war...
I was going to call him a war hero.
He served in war in Afghanistan.
And he's well-spoken and he's likable
and he's good to look at.
Now, something that hasn't been brought up
in these debates,
I've never sucked a cock.
And
I just want to know if you
people out there, if you're comfortable, and you know there's nothing wrong
with it. I've heard a lot of great things. I've heard he's the best cocksucker
out there. I'm not taking that away from him. But
are you willing to vote for a cocksucker?
Like, dude, like, so
I'm about as pro-gay as, like, I'm pro-gay.
That's it. I don't have a problem with it. It's cool. It's whatever.
But I swear there is a little hint
that's like, if you find out he's a bottom,
do you view him differently?
That's so funny. If you were like,
I was all about this Pete Booty Geek
guy until I found out
he wasn't even serving up the dick.
He was taking
orders.
You're like,
can a man who isn't even given dick
leave this country now if he were a top i'd be all on board i like that kyle's leaving he said
this is too hot for kyle but you know i i if i were believe you believe me ask anyone people
have said if trump were gay not only would he be the gayest, but he would be a top.
People say to me, you're not gay.
I say, of course I'm not.
If I was, though, I would go whole hog.
And by whole hog, I mean a whole hog in my ass, in my mouth.
But yeah, Buttigieg, I think it's pronounced, is my favorite so far.
But we'll see.
There's a bunch of candidates in there.
Maybe I'm waiting for the debates.
So much time.
Yeah.
Like it doesn't even matter at this point.
So long as we're in politics, have you been paying much attention lately?
Honestly, since the playoffs started and just with, like, work and other things, I have not paid a lick of attention to that stuff.
It's pretty interesting right now.
The Mueller files are still being debated and argued about.
Trump is doing his victory lap.
Oh, someone want to know about India lap india and pakistan whatever happened
with that right nothing because they were amping up a full-on nuclear war now it's iran um so i'm
always fucking iran dude iran hasn't done shit to us what are we doing john in venezuela is the
other one john bolton of course wants to go to war with everyone. Fuck that dude.
Trump is like, I'm actually the one
telling him to pull back. And I thought that was
interesting. I think it was a rare moment of truth
from Trump. That guy, John Bolton,
is the fucking worst. He loves
war. He's such a hawk.
But Iran,
so we're currently sending an armada
of ships over there. An aircraft
carrier and, of course, all the company ships that go with it as a show of force.
And Iran is doubling down.
I think they're building weapons or saying that, you know, they're going to start the nuke program.
And so Iran is going in the wrong direction in a really big way.
North Korea did two missile tests in five days recently.
And then Bolton, of course, wants to go into venezuela and trump to
his credit doesn't seem to want war like obama i think he'd be droning shit by now because he did
that you know he would just be they just look he didn't send boats to go look at well he did that
too but he would literally just fire rockets off the uavs and even so it's not enough like both trump and obama ran
on their you know and we're gonna get out of these wars in the middle east doesn't serve our people
and it's ineffective like they both ran on that shit and neither of them have done enough like
i've been saying for years we need to start conquering some of these these lesser countries
better you know like it's it's like in Rust, all right?
We got a big bang.
I want nothing to do with the Middle East.
I don't care what happens over there.
Kyle, I'm not going to respect your opinion
until you put it in terms of civilization.
All right, it's like in Civilization, all right?
You've gotten a couple of...
You're climbing the tech tree, all right?
You got your trebuchets.
You're almost to cannons.
But you got a neighbor over there
who's just
fucking sim citying up he's just building population just farms everywhere now if you
don't nip this shit in the bud and conquer that city and make it your own he's gonna fucking
explode in the mid game all right he's gonna put out a shit ton of little cities his population
is gonna crush you he'll have way too many hammers it's the distribution of hammers so we need to be
conquering some of these bullshit countries around the world.
Name a few, Taylor. What are the faggot countries?
The countries we should
conquer? Are you looking for
shithole countries? Faggot countries?
No, no, no. We need
infrastructure in place. It just needs to be disorganized.
Greece. Number one.
We can conquer Canada in
40 minutes.
And then that would ensure that a Canadian team
never won the Stanley Cup ever again.
Oh my god, do you know what would happen
to the price of maple syrup?
It would plummet.
We'd open the dairy market.
We could conquer Canada.
I'd be cool with that. I like Canadians.
I'd like to bring them into the mix.
Bring them into the fold.
Greece? I'm not sold on that.
They seem far away, and I don't care what goes on over there.
Italy?
Italy, they're doing fine on their own.
No, we've got to control the Vatican then.
Then we get the Pope, and we impose our will.
As if we don't have enough kitty fuckers now.
We impose our will on the Pope.
I mean, what countries do you think we should conquer?
Canada comes to mind as the most obvious one
because it's right there.
How about Mexico?
No, Mexico is a fucking wild, wild west.
Mexico is kind of a poopy place.
What do we get if we take it over?
It'll be wonderful immediately.
Do they have resources?
We'll teach them to speak American.
Look, they don't have resources.
They've got a fucked up infrastructure.
They don't have resources.
They're one of the leading marijuana producers in the world.
I made that up.
They should be a wildly successful country
because they do have resources
and they have two enormous coastlines.
So do we.
Yeah.
Do you want to be neighboring all those real,
successful countries?
They are our buffer.
They are the buffer between us and fucking Judge Threat.
They're not doing a great job.
They're doing a pretty good job. They're like an old
pool filter, alright? Yeah, a little
scum gets through, alright?
But the big chunks, the dead
rats, the frog legs,
that stuff's getting caught.
The voles that fall in.
The neighbor's cat that jumped in last week.
That's all getting held back.
You get a little algae here and there.
A little pond scum.
Do you want to be dealing with frog legs
and gopher eyeballs right on your border?
I don't think so.
You know it would be easy as shit.
Not easy as shit, but effective.
We conquer Russia.
Then we've got a ton of land,
a ton of space,
and all these US-Russia problems go away.
We will be global warming compatible, right?
Now we have places like Atlanta that are all built up and about to be 219 degrees Fahrenheit.
We get a little Siberia, and we're 2040 ready.
And then we just ship the cold down.
I didn't even think of that.
What we're doing is we're taking the biggest tankers we have,
we're filling it with the coldest air.
Ask anyone.
This air is cold, my people.
And we're shipping it to Atlanta, letting it out.
I hate this idea.
It puts 15 tons of carbon dioxide in it.
Kyle, do you have an affinity for Russia still?
I have an affinity for avoiding World War III
and thousands of thermonuclear weapons.
You mean you think if we try to conquer Russia,
it might start a war?
I'm pretty sure that the world would end.
I talked to John Bolton.
He said it'd be fine and painless.
Look, I guarantee, I would bet my life
that we could conquer some little bitch-made country
and there'd be a fuss.
They'd sanction us at the UN.
No they wouldn't. You want to show that you're a big
swinging dick? Get Crimea.
That'd be fun.
See then we don't even have
all of Russia and they're still very upset.
But you would look
tough. You'd be like
you know I told you not to do this and
now I'll show you how it feels
what's a bitch made country we could conquer in your greenland take greenland oh perfect and
iceland we're already there like all that shit in the middle between us and uh and europe take
all that shit dude if you're gonna conquer greenland that's like going to get fast food
but on the way like you stop at a grocery store
and pick up a few essentials. We'll conquer
Iceland too. Iceland and Greenland,
what are they going to do? They're going to bring out...
First of all, their
infantry is probably terrifying because they're
Icelandic and Greenlandic and those Northern European
kind of looking people are
6'11". Bring it, Sven.
The trick is
that there's only nine of them.
That's how we won World War II.
We conquered them.
We say, you know, we conquered you.
We don't want to change your way of life.
We just want to be in charge now.
You guys feel free to continue winning all the
World's Strongest Man competitions.
And they'll be like, you know, that's all we
really want.
What do you guys like to do here?
Well, I like to look at the biggest stone in my vicinity
and then just spend five to six months practicing to lift it up.
Kyle, I have three countries for you that we should take.
Okay.
Cuba, Haiti, Dominican Republic.
If you look at a map, they are in a line.
Like, it goes pretty much Florida, Cuba, Haiti, DR, Puerto Rico.
We'll just finish the line.
I think you don't want to be responsible for those countries.
They suck now, but as soon as we Americanize them.
Cuba would be a good one, though.
Although you do have some real issues with Russia then,
because that's their little buddy over here.
They used to be friends.
Oh, and Jamaica.
They still are. You know, i'm fine conquering jamaica then i wouldn't have a passport to go on that uh
dude impoverished not compared to fucking uh haiti no not compared to haiti i remember like when they
had that um what was it an earthquake or tsunami that killed all those haitians yeah i think it
was an earthquake yeah oh what was that cruel ass gif i saw it was like it was a meme it was an earthquake. Oh, what was that cruel-ass gif I saw? It was a meme. It was mean as shit.
Oh, oh, oh.
So there was an image of...
You ever see two guys get on
each side of a dead body, and they do the whole
heave-ho? You know, like one,
and they throw it in a pile?
That was happening, because there were so many dead.
And the meme said, they see me throwing
the Haitians.
And I was just like, that's mean as fuck. And the meme said, they see me throwing the Haitians.
And I was just like, that's mean as fuck.
That was a natural disaster.
That's a dead child.
But I can hear the song in my head now.
That's pretty good meme-ery.
Let me do an ad.
Let me do an ad.
I'm happy to talk more about conquering countries because I think we'd be good at it.
And it's just something we don't do enough of.
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Is that our last ad or do we have Turo to do?
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Very cool.
Check out both those guys. They'll help you.
Oh, super fast sports talk.
Hurricanes up by one. Sixers up by 22.
Looks promising.
I haven't been following the Braves this year, but I might go watch a game or two.
I don't know.
There's this eventuality. I know what what the deal is like
i guess if you're a real baseball fan which i i guess i'm not like it's the love of the game you
can your team could be way out of competition and you just want to go see them play the game
and win or lose it's still good but win is good but lose is okay and we don't need to be competing
for the division or or or the conference or any of
that it doesn't matter if we get to a series and the next fans are spoiled by like 15 years of
playoffs i not lately you know it's it's been rough for a long time like there was a time in
the 90s sure but it's been like a decade since we've we've really had a standout team i hate the
the way baseball is set up and and i just can't go watch a middling team,
and I don't understand how others can.
I guess you just like the game.
You really like seeing the game play.
Are the Braves middling this year?
That's what I was saying.
Baseball, going there was a pretty neat experience.
You take in the sun and the entertainment,
and it's almost like a movie,
and people just love the atmosphere. Yeah, it's more just the atmosphere, hanging's almost like a movie. People just love the atmosphere.
Yeah, it's more just the atmosphere hanging out
at the ballpark. I think the Cards are pretty good
this year. The Braves are second
in the Eastern.
Are the Cardinals doing
good?
The Braves are three and a half games behind the Phillies
and I'll see what the Cardinals are doing. The Phillies are
ahead and I haven't been looking?
Yeah, Phillies are ahead. Maybe I should keep looking away.
Cardinals are only two games back, but they're in third place.
So it's very tight over there.
Cubs are leading, Brewers in second, Cardinals right behind them,
and then the Pirates.
Oh, speaking of the Cubs, did you see that?
I saw something on Twitter about it where this guy,
they were filming a player you know player or or someone you
know doing their uh interview and the guy no he didn't do that he did the if you look at this I
get to punch you in the arm thing he did that behind him they banned him for life from from
Cubs games for doing a white power symbol it, dude, am I the only one who went
to middle school? Am I living in a dream
world where this wasn't a very common
prank to get to punch people in the arm?
Like, are you
kidding me? That was common for you guys too,
right? Yes. I know the game,
but I never played it. Yeah.
It was huge in the 90s.
Yeah, it was really big in the 90s and early 2000s.
Not in college. In high school even. It was what in the 90s. Yeah, it was really big in the 90s and early 2000s. Not in college.
In high school, even.
It was what dudes did.
That's all it was, just, oh, ha-ha, I got you.
I put this near my dick, and now I get to pop you.
They do that, or you do the game where you stuck your hand in your pants and undid your fly and then stuck your finger out.
Like, oh, look, it's my dick.
And at first, you're like, oh, it's a dick.
And really in public.
And that's kind of a funny gag too.
That is a very funny gag.
Man, I hope they don't tell people that that's a white power symbol.
White supremacists are unzipping their flies
and sticking their fingers through it.
And it's a bad thing.
Wasn't Kyle who laid out the whole sequence of like,
first it's a game, then it was a white power
joke and then the white power people adopted it as a real thing and then the people who knew it
was a joke suddenly weren't right that it was a joke anymore yeah like they like they didn't fall
for it so they're the smart ones and then they flipped over and became the dumb ones because
the white power people fell for it how many white power people are there out
there dozens where are where are these people charlotte where are these people who were like
yeah unite the right yeah this is definitely not the universal symbol for okay it's definitely
what and that was that was literally an o and a k like yeah it's just so silly we can't get people
this is what the next president needs to run on
we can't be getting rid of hilarious hand games and pranks
too many people have attacked it i wish i wish trump would would start doing it to troll people
like that would be hilarious that would be hilarious the comet don't don't worry the economy
is even funnier than that if if he in a debate did that
next to fucking Ted Cruz
and he's like,
got you, loser.
He pops him.
It would be against Bernie or somebody.
Can you imagine?
I'm not under the illusions.
He's claiming that I looked at the hand gesture.
That is not the case.
He punched me under a false pretense. I didn't mean to make that hand gesture. That is not the case. He punched me under a false
pretense. I didn't mean
to make that hand gesture. I'm sorry.
These pretenses were more false than the Iraq War.
There's a guy who wasn't
for the war. I did not look at the prank.
I'm not under any
misconception that Trump is a super athlete
or even healthy.
Or even an athlete.
Or even healthy. But he least athletic to some extent.
He plays a game that's a sport.
But if he hit Bernie Sanders in the arm,
I think Bernie Sanders will be noticeably hurt.
Well, I mean, they're both old as fuck.
Yeah, but I do think Trump wins in a fight.
Trump is old as...
Trump would win the fight
because Trump's the bigger, heavier guy.
He's a little biff-like from Back to the Future.
I feel like at that age, you're going to just ram into each other a little Biff-like from Back to the Future. I feel like at that age,
you're going to just ram into each other.
Just like Biff from Back to the Future.
Especially when they go back to a later past.
When he's like the casino mogul.
Yeah, yeah.
That's based on Trump.
It seems like it, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, they've said it.
Oh, they've said it?
Yeah, that's based on...
Did they say that at the time?
Yeah.
Yeah, he's like a rich casino mogul who's kind of a bad guy. And he's got the hair? Yeah. He's like a rich casino
mogul who's kind of a bad guy.
He's got the hair and everything.
It's Trump.
We won't stay on this for long.
I love that the guy that gave the Canes
the lead is Greg McKegg.
Greg McKegg.
There's a funny clip of
an announcer getting his name wrong where he's like,
good pass by Gregory McHagery.
Dude, I was watching a basketball game and they had to advertise Rose Namahunas
and it wasn't even close.
I don't even know how close I was and I follow it.
Pretty close.
You were close enough.
But yeah, I've seen people butcher it and it's like, ah, I don't even –
that's not a close that's
that you've never heard that name or read it before before have you and you would think that
like like sometimes in these ad reads there's like i can't remember oh and some more specifically i
know for sure we've had guests where like is it barella or barelli you know i'm just making that
out but you know you can't like how do you pronounce this guy's fucking name?
We're Googling it beforehand and getting that Google thing to go,
Borelli.
All right, Borelli.
Should we ask him?
I don't want to say his name wrong right in front of him.
Mr. B.
Mr. B is here.
Do you guys want to freak out?
Yeah, I had this pulled up as well.
This is one of the things chis had
suggested for the show uh i am getting queued up it looks like some combat is gonna go down here
this is one of the funniest forums i like public freak out all right
sometimes public freak out though is like like whoever's posting it and the people commenting
it's like are you so awkward in
public that you can't complain when your food's wrong like this isn't a public freakout this is
someone saying my salad's wrong oh i haven't seen that i just go to like top all and look at fights
well that'll get the job ready set play oh goodness oh these guys are throwing
the bigger guy not a lot of defense here The tall guy's got his eye on the prize.
Yeah, the white guy's throwing blind.
Ooh.
Oh.
There's a female police officer breaking up this fight,
and they're not respecting her authority.
No, not respecting her authority one bit.
Well, I mean, she looks not tough.
Look how little this fucker is.
Oh, you hit the wrong...
What?
Who did he just hit?
A redhead?
A girl in red?
No, no, no.
The big black guy tried to split the fight,
and the little kid hit him, too.
Oh, that's a clean right.
It's developed into a free throw.
The West?
Oh, you're right.
Well, I'm sure that police officer will do it.
Oh, now there's a big guy cop.
Yeah, that's going to help.
Now there's a man to save the day.
Wow.
And this is why women shouldn't be allowed in even small authority roles.
Oh, Jesus.
I don't know.
Men can jump the gun, though.
Literally.
We watched a video last night, and I could pull it up if you want.
It's on the Police Activity channel.
Maybe we should watch it.
It's a hardcore shootout.
Would you like to see something like that?
Of course.
Definitely.
Maybe describe it.
I'm a little worried.
I'm not allowed to watch it.
Is it on YouTube, though?
We could cut at the end when you actually see blood.
The first part, you just see guns going off.
But if it's a YouTube video...
Let me...
I'll describe it a little bit, too.
It's basically...
Basically, this little slow-speed chase ensues,
and the cops are chasing the guy,
and they are shooting through their own windshield at the guy.
The driver is...
This is a different one.
Oh, okay.
The driver is emptying his handgun repeatedly
and the passenger cop is emptying an AR-15 repeatedly.
And it is a wild shootout.
Now, when you get to the end and they approach the car,
then you do see the dead man.
So maybe you cut it off.
Oh, it's five minutes.
It is five minutes, huh?
Yeah, maybe not then.
We can talk over it.
Yeah, we can just talk over it.
You know, your call, whatever you want to do.
But it's wild.
It's five minutes of him shooting out of his windshield.
Actually, by 2.50, we're done.
We'll play it.
You guys ready?
Yeah, I'm at zero.
Ready, set, play.
Body cam footage of Anaheim officers shooting suspect in California.
Yeah, so we've got the drivers body cam right now.
Hey, stop the car.
Stop the car, dude.
He's telling this guy to stop his car,
and the guy's sort of slow chase
running away from him.
The cop already pointed the gun at him.
And what they're going to see
is the driver produce a weapon.
I feel like we...
Like this video is age-restricted.
Oh.
So will I. I don't know.
Well, I mean, I think the age-restricted part is the end.
Okay.
Like, I'll definitely tell you when you should stop watching it,
because, like, all we're going to see here is him shooting out the windshield.
Like, it's a pistol versus...
Is he hitting anything?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah? Okay.
Yeah, he hits him in the head from here.
But don't think he's too accurate.
He fires about 40 times.
I think 80 shots total were fired.
And the guy's getting the rifle out.
I've fired a gun just like this before.
It's incredibly loud, and you get these sprays of glass windshield
that are sort of atomized, vaporized within the car.
So these guys are getting glass in their eyes,
and they are essentially deaf when they get out of the car.
They literally can't hear.
How can you shoot?
I thought they were bulletproof.
Do you hear him suffering from the noise?
No, absolutely not.
Can you hear him?
Oh, yeah.
He's like, oh, oh.
Oh, it's even louder for the passenger.
The passenger's getting it worse than the driver, for sure.
Okay.
Yeah, because he's off to the side, and the driver's behind it.
But it's loud for both of them.
Like I said, I did this before and immediately I fired one shot.
And I was like, oh, there's a reason you don't do this.
That was concussive and loud as fuck.
They're going through a residential fucking area, dude.
And he's on his second or third magazine in a block.
Yeah, he's just spraying everywhere.
Now, what did this driver do?
He showed them a gun, and he drove away.
Okay.
That'll do it here.
The one officer was fired, the shooter here,
and his friend is under some sort of department sanctioning,
being punished, but keeping his job.
Because of their bad decision making and just spraying
through the neighborhood.
We can probably stop here because
they're about to murder the man.
Goddamn Bruins.
They're going to get out and murder the man in about 30 seconds.
We can probably stop right here.
I guess I don't know.
I kind of want to see it.
I'm going to put it on mute and leave it playing
in the background, but I'm not showing it to everyone.
Yeah, so, I mean, if you guys want to watch, seriously, go to Bodycam Footage,
Anaheim officers shooting suspect in California, because...
So, yeah, I'll describe it.
He hops out of the car.
He's using a parked car as cover and just unloading.
I think he's on his second magazine since he left.
Fourth.
Since he left the car.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So, he sort of pulled over. Wow. He's on his third magazine since left the car. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So he sort of pulled over.
Wow.
He's on his third magazine since exiting the car.
This guy, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah.
So the driver had his door open and maybe even hands up.
And the officer is just unloading his pistol into him.
This guy got a nice trigger finger.
It's an exhausted trigger finger. It's an
exhausted trigger finger.
They drag him out of the car and throw him on the ground.
Good guy.
By the way,
he had a BB pistol.
Well, then he shouldn't have brandished it at the
police.
You're right,
but I feel like on the scale of bad decision making, the police that you're right but i feel like on the scale of bad decision making the police are
probably worse yeah well the department found the same to be true not only shooting in the
residential area 70 or 80 times i think it was 76 times uh but also you know killing a man who
was mentally uh ill and had a bb pistol what did he have a bb pistol no no no like mental
illness oh he's you know depression ptsd upset whatever you know well then now now this makes
me sad yeah it should make you sad yeah they murdered that man right there um yeah that
they're cutting a dead guy right now well i don't know if you've ever heard of a zombie taylor but yeah no when you're right
you're right it is funny that they're cuffing him like it because he's just like shaking his
body i know you guys can't see this but that guy is really dead elbows on a dead guy they rodney they rodney king style beat his shins
and he's laying there dead larry just got here let him get a few licks in that rodney king clip
like and that was before my time to see it live or anything but man that that was a rough one
the riot just like uh wasn't it the same riot another Another even just as tough thing to watch was when...
What was his name? The guy who got
the brick...
Start with a B, maybe?
Reginald Denny?
Is that it?
That sounds right.
LA Riot
Brick.
I think it's Reginald Denny.
This is a good YouTube channel to watch think it's Reginald Denny. This is a good YouTube channel to watch.
It is Reginald Denny.
If you like to see shit like this,
this is a good YouTube channel to watch.
It's called Police Activity.
We've referenced it on the show before,
but they don't just show like,
they show good shoots and bad shoots.
They show, just as the title would describe,
police activity.
Sometimes you're like,
that's a hero cop.
He just saved a bunch of people.
And sometimes like this,
it's like bad cop, no donut. You just murdered a man with a hero cop. He just saved a bunch of people. And sometimes like this, it's like bad cop, no donut.
You just murdered a man with a BB pistol and like with overwhelmingly over the,
yeah,
that's a subreddit by the way,
if you want to,
you want to enjoy some more content like this.
You guys are hilarious with your subreddit.
Yeah,
dude.
So this,
I think I've mentioned on the show before,
but I find it super fascinating.
Reginald Denny is the guy driving a semi.
He finds himself in the riot and
he parks so he doesn't run anybody
over. The rioters
pull him out of the semi,
beat him up, throw a brick
at his head, and start dancing.
So
they charge him with attempted murder.
They charge the rioters with attempted
murder and they get off scot-free.
And the reason is the dancing.
They said that if they had charged him with assault,
the worst kind of assault, I don't know what that is,
third degree, whatever it is,
they would have got him.
But because the prosecutors were too ambitious,
too aggressive, and went for attempted murder,
the fact that he danced after smashing a brick into his head meant that murdering wasn't his intent, and he got off.
And I've always thought that was incredible.
I thought, that's pants on head retarded.
Like, they're judging his actions based on their own rational mindset.
They're like, I would never dance
if I just tried to kill a man.
It's like, well, that guy.
Maybe, but they're saying
he wasn't attempting to murder him.
His goal wasn't murder,
because if it was, he would have finished it.
But instead, his goal was to assault him.
And sometimes what prosecutors do is they charge people with nine things and they let the jury choose but they said jury
nay nay not this time you either have to find him guilty of attempted murder or let him walk
and the jury let him walk uh that's crazy how the justice system works or doesn't work yeah that's upsetting
there's just some bad
because the guy was guilty of something
but he got off
that's attempted murder
I think if you're injuring someone
if you're throwing a brick at someone's head
while they're laying on the ground unconscious
you're trying to kill them
that would be like inviting a neuroscientist
to come in and be like well
clearly the angle he threw it out he's not he's not getting anywhere
close to medulla obbligata like that would not be a lethal brick throw maybe that's the same as
using your rational mindset about the dancing it would be like having a brain surgeon come in and
be like well he threw the brick wrong if i were going to kill a man with a brick i would do it
you want to use the pointy end for one thing as a surgeon i could no this is a street thug with a brick he's trying to kill the
motherfucker like like guys unconscious he's and if i believe he like double two-hand raised it up
and threw it didn't he yeah he threw it pretty pretty aggressively yeah he didn't lob it at him
you know it certainly was not a friendly friend between
friend brick throwing.
I was just playing hot potato with a brick, Yana.
He passed out on me.
It wasn't between the friend brick throwing.
He didn't want to get caught with one of those.
Somebody got caught with a puck in a
playoff game recently because it deflected
and it popped him in the mouth.
Oh, some dude got thrown out of the Dallas-St. Louis
game and started a huge fight because he threw
beer at the Blues bench.
Fucking Bruins scored two, right?
Like back to back?
Yeah, back to back.
Both in the third.
Come on!
Come on, Bruins!
Yeah.
Finish the game out.
Beat those Canes that I hate.
I have so much reason to hate the Hurricanes.
Their history of fucking with the Blues.
Wow, they scored 30 seconds apart like 28 i think oh i i uh i saw this on like a screenshot of this article on twitter and i genuinely thought it was like a prank like funny kind of article and then i found it on the real
new york times the article title is called was i right to call the cops on a black man
breaking into my car and it's it's this this fucking loser going through a bunch of things
like well you know that black people deal with police very differently.
And, you know, my heart breaks thinking about all the innocent blacks
that will struggle because of this phone call.
And it's like, someone is breaking into your car right now.
You retard.
Of course you call the police.
Jesus.
Isn't that insane?
Was I right?
A real op-ed piece in the New York
Times was I write to call the cops on a black
man breaking into my car.
Is New York Times magazine something
different?
I don't know. It has the same
URL. Dude, it's definitely the same
thing. Yeah, because it's the same URL
and there's no way the New York Times
would let some fly-by-night company use
the same text. I just thought maybe they had a-by-night company use the same text in there.
I just thought maybe they had a magazine, too,
that didn't have the same editorial standards.
But it's a dude from Missouri.
Well, you know...
I hold you responsible.
I don't know where I'm headed with that.
You know, that's a...
Usually people in Missouri, when they see a crime getting committed,
they just call the police.
You don't hop on Twitter and go, and put a poll up and go, should I call the police on this?
I'm skipping around.
Still, your anxiety that the police might overreact to your call is reasonable.
In a 2015 survey conducted by the researchers at the University of Chicago,
about half of African Americans reported being treated badly by police officers because of their race.
Unjust policing
is wrong. It's also self-undermining.
One problem caused by
flagrant abuses.
That's just a, how do you feel about what,
I don't know,
it seems like an odd survey topic.
Oh!
Or am I, did I do
the right thing by calling the police?
Or am I bordering here on behaving like a barbecue Becky?
I have a topic...
A white woman in California who called the police
on a group of black people having a barbecue.
Name withheld, Missouri.
He's bringing it to a car.
Jesus Christ, it's not even a close call.
Here's a topic.
And it's a gaming topic.
U.S. Senator introduces bill to ban loot boxes and pay to win
microtransactions so i should mention i heard loot box and i instantly thought of like the thing
where you buy um like a bunch of crate yes but it's not that it actually loot boxes appear in
game there are virtual loot boxes where you might buy like a bundle of things and then open them up one by one and not know what you're going to get.
Right.
That kind of loot boxes.
So the senator says that there are games designed for kids who are under 18 whose developers knowingly allow minor players to engage in microtransactions.
And he says that Candy Crush is an egregious example of pay to win.
You can spend $150 on its luscious bundle that comes with a bunch of goodies.
It also talks about Apex Legends,
Overwatch,
FIFA as pay to win transactions and loot crates and things like that.
And he wants to ban it.
He's a United States Senator from Missouriouri mo is that missouri um yeah so senator josh hawley wants to ban it in america
and uh what do we think that's interesting yeah absolutely yeah it definitely is an exploitative
thing that take well even even beyond the fact that it ruins games like it is totally a way for companies to
make like help kids gamble without with while skirting the rules about what gambling is but
it's like no you're taking advantage of kids right here and you're taking advantage of the
credit cards they have that their parents are undoubtedly having to pay for like i don't care
about children or taking advantage of children i care about um i'm a i'm
33 year old man as of today and i care about my video games happy birthday do you want us to sing
it to you off tune no i'd hate that
both of those numbers are the same
same
oh yeah
yeah I want my games to be fun
I'm torn on this
finish your thought please
it ruins games all that pay to play horse shit it ruins fucking games
like I like
DLC packs I like
but I don't like pay to win you know
i'll pay for skins i do pay for skins i'll pay for like little legs up in the gate like in rust
you know and in the server i i'm a vip or a hero or something like that i get little shit i get to
skin my gun any way i want you know like like hurrah hurrah nobody hurts but that's not giving
you a profound advantage over people no No, you get little shit.
You get little shit that makes the game a little more fun for you.
You get better sights that helps a little.
I don't get that.
I think you described it.
Like there's a sight that you thought was better on the skin
or maybe it was less.
Oh, well, that's that.
You could pay for those.
Like that's just rust skins.
Like rust skins, some of them, like the tip of the front
side, will be a different color.
Maybe that's what it was.
I mean, you could just
buy that skin. It's already
in the marketplace. I guess you could say that's a little bit
pay to win, but I don't know.
It's certainly not
like having a stronger character or a more
powerful gun. It's still iron
sides. It's just now it's painted red on the a more powerful gun. It's still iron sights.
It's just now it's painted red on the end.
WoodyCraft had a lot of pay to win in it.
It just did.
And fortunately, I feel like the pay to win backlash.
Isn't that pretty standard for Minecraft?
It is, yeah.
It ramped up a lot.
Or it was, I should say.
I think it's less true now.
It ramped up a lot as WoodyCraft ran down.
At the time, it was kind of standard.
Like, that's how people did in-game purchases.
You know, like they helped you play better, mostly.
And some people were like, oh my God, you're selling to children.
And I always thought like, yeah, but like children are allowed to buy things.
No one rips out.
Like when I was a teenager, I saved up all summer and I bought a stereo.
And no one was like, Sony, how dare you take advantage of him?
That's a stupid thing for a teenager to buy.
And it is.
But back when I was in eighth grade, like that was the thing I really wanted.
A big one.
It was like chest high.
And the speakers were chest high.
And that's what I wanted.
That's so funny.
That was the cool thing at the time.
You're like, I'm saving up all summer to get this chest high speaker.
I literally did that, yeah.
And my parents probably didn't love it, but it sounded great.
And I was really happy with my purchase, and I enjoyed it.
And you could argue that it was a complete waste of money,
in the same way that this guy probably thinks a rust skin is a complete waste of money.
But it was okay for me to buy it.
This was my choice. I don't know it seemed right to me so is someone allowed to buy diamond armor or is someone allowed
to buy now when you get into the loot crates i can see the gambling parallel you know it's
not to me that's like are you allowed to pull the handle on a slot machine you know it's it's
sometimes you win sometimes sometimes you lose.
That's what those loot crates are.
To me, this is just some old out-of-touch fuck saying,
we shouldn't let people spend money on virtual goods
because virtual goods are bullshit.
No, no, no.
It's gambling.
No, loot crates are.
I'm kind of with you on that.
What's the other half?
Microtransactions.
Candy Crush. Play to Win,
the luscious bundle in Candy Crush.
He's upset with things you buy in Apex Legends.
Well, I don't agree with that.
I think skins are fine.
To me, it's like...
Star Wars Battlefront.
To me, it's when there's a randomized nature of it where it's literally like a slot machine mechanic where it's like I'm going to buy a crate and we'll see what I get.
It could be something super valuable.
It could be a loser.
And that's literally a slot machine.
I see where you're coming from.
I do see the gambling parallel for sure.
But I also like I're coming from. I do see the gambling parallel for sure.
But I also, like, I don't know.
If you take away that part of it and just go towards, like,
oh, these children are buying skins.
These companies are preying on them by selling things kids like.
It's a virtual toy.
It's a toy like every other toy. No one is saying that Lego is taking full advantage of children
for making them thirst after their Death Star model.
They might, ifgo sold a black
box a literal box and like maybe you get on jumping on the loot crate but we've agreed on that one
yeah if we put that one aside and say all right now we can't do the randomized stuff anymore
yeah and you're just gonna buy what you think you're getting then this fucker still doesn't
like it well he's just wrong about that then um i'm he
probably has some personal experience with some like young person in his family with candy crush
in particular because i bet we all played candy crush and it can be rather addictive i never
understood buying the shit for it though oh it's fun it's really fun there's no need to buy shit
for isn't the same thing as bejeweled? It's very similar, but it's got some slightly different shit going on.
Yeah, it's got candy instead of jewels.
It's just very satisfying when you get a row.
Or you get a quadruple peppermint score.
It starts all...
When the whole screen goes...
And it's just like, amazing, fantastic, incredible, unbelievable!
It's just so encouraging.
I've never played Candy candy crush but you're describing
peggle right now and i love that game oh you make like a decent shot in peggle but you don't even
try and it hits like 10 greens or whatever it's like perfect incredible it's like a smiley face
or something and the ball goes i am so good at peggle
there's literally no other way that it could have gone
i'd be playing candy crush and like my girlfriend or whoever would be next to me i'm like hey come
here come here watch this and she'd be like fuck yeah that's awesome you got them all and like
everybody in the house was
into it like like i never we were all in the game if you've never played peggle kyle you would like
oh i played it that's when you like shoot the ball up and it bounces around yeah yeah and you
get to play the the different like unicorn or frog or whatever characters that have their special
move i didn't like that as much because because um Crush to me, at least to some extent felt like a mind game
There was planning ahead
It is, it really is
So is Peggle, it's just a little like
pool, you know, you have to sort of
visualize
That's why Bobby Fischer is so famous, he dominated at
Candy Crush
Kasparov, noted
Peggle
Kasparov,. Kasparov.
The part I most enjoy is when it says,
fantastic.
Just that.
I played, there was a game,
I forget what it was called.
It was like you built out a hotel or building or something,
and people would move in,
and you'd put them on the right spot,
and you'd take elevators to the different stores and you'd have to like put people in jobs they they thrived in and build
out sim city kind of thing or yeah maybe ish but it was just literally one hotel and you built up
the hotel and made it like a better building and and you're you'd spend money on a store and then
that store would you know the investment would pay off.
And I spent $40 on it one night because the elevator was so flipping slow that to do it the normal way wasn't enough fun.
And then I spent $40, and all of a sudden I've got this booming hotel that's doing all these different things.
And I have like, I don't know, 80 employees to manage and stuff.
And I'm like, actually, doing well at this game is worse.
Like it's just a job.
I always have something I'm behind on and I just dropped it. Oh, yeah.
I played, that's like four years ago now.
I played Clash of Clans a little bit on my phone,
which is like you have your little fortress and you build your walls
and your defenses and your barracks and things and you have your little fortress, and you build your walls, and your defenses, and your barracks and things,
and you have your units.
And I was just getting molested day in and day out,
where I'd, like, open the app, and it'd be like,
your base was raided, and they stole everything.
And then you can replay the raid.
And it was never like, come on, Arrow Tower, you can do it.
Take down the last guy.
It was hordes and waves of people who paid for the game just trouncing me.
And I spent like 20 bucks on it one day and was like, I'm buying the better walls.
I'm buying the better towers.
I'm getting it solid.
And I spent that and did it.
And then like for three days or so, it was like pretty good.
I would like see raids. It was like so-and- so attempted a raid and i was like yeah hell yeah and then like
after three days it was the same thing there was someone who spent 30 dollars yeah i just got
buttfucked again and i was like this isn't fun like clearly these guys just bought really good
soldiers and really good barracks or whatever and i'm getting owned like i can't spend the and if you went to like the leaderboards in that game
all of like the top people had arabic names which means it was just some rich ass prince
dropping a you know hundred grand on this to be the best guy ever and so i i just quit i don't
like pay to win i I spend money on games.
PC games often have mechanics like that.
I got a bunch of money invested in PUBG.
Maybe a couple hundred. I don't know.
Total War, just in maps.
I've probably got 200 or something like that.
I've bought
a bunch of shit for Rust. Mostly just
like VIP
and hero positions within
servers so that I can skip the queue,
get right to the front of the line,
and get little things,
like not game-breaking things,
but little legs up here and there.
But I'm trying to think.
In PUBG, I got a lot of skins.
I got lucky in PUBG.
I was one of the...
There's a gambling aspect in PUBG, too.
I want to say you pay five dollars
and get like a crate and you'd open the crate and it'd be a skin like a skirt or a shirt or whatever
and like maybe I spent fifty dollars on these things like I bought ten of them the third one
I opened was like a three hundred dollar skirt that was like a point zero zero one drop rate or
something like that like it's what like like the big streamers are using that was like a 0.001 drop rate or something like that. Like it's what like, like the big streamers are using.
It was like,
like the guy who spends like $5,000 for his fans to watch because he's
going to make all that money right back.
Like he's got that skirt.
Cause he spent $2,800 to get it.
I spent 15.
I was,
I was always so proud of that stuff.
People in game would,
would see it.
Like,
Hey,
Hey,
Hey,
Hey,
where'd you get that skirt?
And I'd be like,
they'd be like, Oh, they call me a no life because they'd be like oh you paid 300 for a skirt you faggot and like no i i want it i i spent like 12 what did it look like what was so amazing about
the skirt it was hot it was a checkered school skirt and they were very rare like skirts period
were rare to drop but there were tiers of skirts
it should be a full-length like prom dress that'd be fun they've gotten crazy with the
fortnite skins in particular like fortnite has crazy skins like you can be an avenger and shit
like that uh but but i haven't played pub g in in a while now because call of duty came out and
that drug me to that and then i found rust and i've been playing that since then. You played purely Rust or did you move around?
You just moved around. You played something else.
Oh, we played some Wardow for a night.
It's like a shimmy.
That's fun.
It's very difficult.
I watched another video
after we got off when we were talking about it on PKN.
That game looks way too hard
to get involved in.
It's a little hard but there's
plenty of people who are who are at your skill level like and there's a lot of funny moments
like there's there are dual servers like d-u-e-l where everybody like goes by you know you'll
crouch and you'll flourish your weapon like to signify that you want to have a duel with one
person and nobody breaks into your duel and like and is an asshole or they just get immediately kicked from the server and so like me and three of my friends
are there we're dueling each other back and forth and this one guy indicates to to my friend that
he wants to duel but then seemingly changes his mind and and midi just turns around and literally
cuts his head off with a single swing and it was just the most it was the funniest moment because
the guy didn't have armor at all he was wearing like a green jerkin and had a had a had a medieval guitar
which is called a loot so he had a jerkin and a loot and that was it and midi is a giant knight
with full plate armor and a long sword that's like a two-handed like he's and the head flies
off and blood sprays it's very gory. I like to fuck around.
I play the scoundrel sometimes.
The scoundrel has...
His skill is molesting.
Yes.
Oh, that scoundrel.
I think I've got a sword.
Yeah, I've got a sword.
A bear trap, which is hilarious.
And one firebomb that'll set the ground on fire.
But the bear trap's hilarious,
because if they step in it,
it literally cuts their foot off,
and their foot is left in the trap.
And they'll be hopping around like the Black Knight
from Monty Python.
And there's a perk that allows you to live
for a few seconds after you've been dealt death.
And so the other day, someone cut off my left arm,
and I'm dying.
Because if you lose a limb, you are in the process of dying.
The blow that will dismember you is also the killing blow.
The limb being cut off is just a visual thing that's fun.
And my left arm is gone, and my character's going,
so the guy stops swinging to admire his work.
But I keep coming.
I start punching him with my one good
hand he's coming in with a couple of overhand rights and then a right jab a lot of rights
yeah more now's fun but like it for me that's the kind of game though like
i'll play occasionally and i'll try to get a little good at but rust is like
we played rust for 15 hours straight yesterday.
Like, you
can't fuck around with Rust. Yesterday was
wipe day, right? Brand new map.
Time to get in there and grind.
So we got in there and grinded.
We played until, I think I got off at
5 in the morning.
6 in the morning. I've never played Rust. I've watched
a ton of videos on it, so I feel like I
know the vibe of it. and um i just don't like a game where the mechanic encourages assholery
you know life for dead is the opposite you know life for dead really need teamwork
the best of players would struggle to have you know no teamwork and uh but rust my god it's it's
about betrayal it's not it's it's more hyped up in youtube videos
than it is in practice like like there's no betrayal i've never seen i've seen like three
inches of betrayal ever and uh and it was just people being stupid and like trusting someone
you don't trust strangers you know you play with your friends of course a stranger is going to lie
to you if you're like hey do you want to come to where I keep all my gold and be my friend?
Well, can I just choose one of those?
Because I'd love to see your gold, but I don't care for you.
I'm going to come and take your gold and I'm going to leave with it, right?
See, in Live4Dead, you don't know this guy at all.
And you say, hey, there's a pipe bomb here.
You might like it.
There's pain pills here.
Yeah, but it's going to benefit you by using it.
You've only got the...
Because you're in it together.
Yeah, but in this, you're friends, and you are
in it together, and the horde of zombies
are the rest of the people out there.
It's just like a
real-life potential Mad Max scenario
where resources are scarce.
Some resources are incredibly valuable, right?
You know, like maybe an AK or like heavy plane armor
or explosives for sure.
And I don't know, it brings me real tight with my group
because I got to count on them for a lot of stuff.
You know, we got to work together as a team
and not just like you work together as a team
in Call of Duty where it's like, yeah,
we'll work together as a team
as in we'll all shoot at the same people.
It's like,
I'm going to go do this.
You've got to go do that.
And you,
you got to go do that other thing.
Like we have to split up here or we're just going to be the guy sitting over
here with a bunch of cactus juice and like,
like no cloth or no like fuel.
Like,
like somebody's got to get fuel.
I'll get metal.
You get wood.
Like we have to like split. What'll get metal. You get wood. We have to split beauties up.
What I hear is people are acting reasonably,
but the mechanic encourages this.
Yeah, that's the best part.
It's scarcity. There's a scarcity of goods.
Everybody's fighting for the goods.
I just like everyone in it together
and the bad guys are the environment.
You can do that.
That's PvE.
That's the kind of game i like lately there
are pve rust servers interesting yeah all right we we'll do that uh yeah but there are yeah no
right rust servers yeah where nobody fights there is no fighting amongst players it's about uh i
guess you know survival and it does sound lame though i I don't know why. It's lame and rust.
It's not supposed to be that way.
It's real easy to survive.
Yeah, I bet. You go find three pumpkins
and you eat them and then you plant the three seeds
and then you get three more pumpkins
but this time you take clones of each one. Now you got nine
pumpkins and if you do that again, you got 27
pumpkins. It's like, well, I got so many pumpkins.
I'm going to have to become a
pumpkin salesman now. i i hear you i tweeted out before the show for people to send me things to talk about
do you guys know who pro jared is he's the group that's trying to get um from Subway out of prison. Yeah. No, is he the YouTuber pedo dude?
I just saw a tweet and I looked it up on Twitter
and it seems like he's a popular guy
in the kind of JonTron sphere of parody things
who cheated on his wife.
Oh.
Well, that's worse than pedophilia.
That's all that I know about.
I was hoping one of you would know who that was
because I didn't until I looked him one of you would know who that was.
I saw something about that.
But I like Kyle's idea more. That it's people being like,
we love sandwiches and we forgive Jared.
We want Jared to come back and sell us some of his sandwiches.
Hell no, we won't go.
They all got hoagies in their hands.
That would be the funniest fucking movement to start start is, you know, bring back Jared.
Bring back Jared.
Bring back Jared.
He didn't rape those kids.
He just gave them a six inch.
Austin Jones.
I just want to clear this guy's name.
Austin Jones is the YouTuber child pornography prison time dude.
Oh, okay.
So ProJared was...
I don't even fucking care.
You guys know who he is.
This guy had online conversations with six girls, all between 14 and 15.
And he used his platform on YouTube as like an influencer
to get child porn
from these teenagers.
This is the guy you talked about?
Yeah, his name is Austin
Jones.
Well, hopefully that guy is in prison.
A minimum of five years it's saying.
I think I
already got 10, but that's my foggy memory.
You can't go by that. I say it time and time again
you don't have to be great at a game to play with me
you do have to be an adult
yeah
I like that policy
you must be this old to
well no that's not gonna happen
to ride the cot
hang on hang on
I saw where that was headed and I changed my mind
to uh you know
not a pedophile
I never fucked a kid
no one younger than my daughter
older than my daughter
younger than my wife
don't fuck kids
where is this reference
Frank Reynolds
when he accidentally starts running a beauty pageant but it ends up being a child beauty pageant.
And so he writes a song basically about not diddling kids.
Being a pedophile.
Yeah.
They're very funny.
I wouldn't diddle kids.
And he's had his makeup done.
He breaks his nose.
He breaks his nose so he looks terrifying, like right at the beginning of the episode, blood everywhere.
And he has his mortician friend do his makeup
so he literally looks dead.
Like a ghoul.
He just looks so ghoulish.
He's got the
white ass face with the
little tiny dots of red.
I figured
if I have someone like this creep around
no one who's actually diddling kids would
hang out with a creep like this this makes you look even guiltier this makes you look horrible frank
he's on a hot mic in the bathroom he's like let me ask you a question you ever you ever fuck the
bodies so fucked yeah that's good that's one of my favorite episodes that's that's a good one
that's the one where like he's saying like i mean all these people talking about death and when i die throw
me in the trash yeah just throw me in the trash i'm dead yeah fuck me burn me i don't care i'm dead
yeah i don't care what happens to me when i'm dead either like i i you know um uh again a
rogan thing but he was talking about this thing
called a sky funeral.
I can't remember where it is.
Somewhere in South...
Tibet, right?
Isn't it in Tibet?
Tibet, yeah.
A Tibetan sky funeral.
And that's where your loved one dies,
you hack them into bits,
you quarter them up,
and then you put them up in a tree, I guess,
and the vultures
eat them down to the skeleton you leave them on the ground because it's a very flat area yeah
then you smash the bones up and then the birds come and eat the fucking bones and that's a that's
a tibetan sky funeral and i was thinking like man i think of vultures as this dirty thing you know
like like i would rather like if you told me a lion was going to eat me,
I think I'd be okay with that.
And this is stupid, I know,
but maybe a little bit of me is going to live in that lion now.
You're right, that is dumb.
He's going to go do lion shit now.
But if I'm in a vulture, it's like,
well, my proteins are now in that vulture muscle,
and that's just used to eat more
dead things there's an image of the tibetan sky burial it's it's unwatchable
how big are those birds five tallies in my autism column the fact that i knew that was tibet right
away yeah that oh my god i'm scrolling look at that look at those fucking just bones picked clean
yeah those vultures are huge though look at them compared to the size of the body how big they are
yeah that's either a woman's body or those are the biggest how do they prepare a body for sky
burial do they like cover it in honey they hack it up well well they're i didn't even know they
hacked it up like i thought they just kind of left it out there no they they they hack it up and and in some instances for sure because that's
the video that that they were watching on rogan and they was describing the hacking up of the
bodies and like quartering it up and stuff i honestly like there's nothing wrong with that
like they're trying to like feed themselves back into the environment they're living in i can see
the ritual i can see why they do that it's the complete opposite of the thing we do, which is
inject our bodies full of chemicals and preservatives.
We hadn't been doing that our whole lives
anyway.
Putting ourselves in a metal box
under the ground so we'll just stay there
forever in some weird, decrepit
state.
Yeah, it's...
I can totally...
I don't even know if I want to be buried.
Maybe I want to be cremated.
Yeah, cremate me.
I think if I had to pick, I'd go with cremation.
When you cremate yourself,
well, you don't cremate yourself,
but you know how you're allowed to say,
I want to be scattered over the fucking golf course
at fucking whatever the hell.
Yeah.
Are you allowed to do pranks?
Yeah, I want to be thrown...
Post-mortem pranks where it's like,
I want to be cremated,
and I want you to take fistfuls of me
and throw it at unsuspecting people in Times Square.
That's literally what I was going to say.
I was going to say,
I want fistfuls of me thrown at this list of people.
I want to be made into a tea at Starbucks
and served to people unknowingly.
Ooh, that's a good one.
That's hilarious. That's a good one. That's hilarious.
That's a good one. What else?
I want to be given to a drug dealer
and sold as drugs.
Oh, that would be funny, too.
This is the dopest shit. You'll never snort.
It's just,
ha ha, I gotcha.
It's a washed up YouTuber's ass.
It did taste bitter. It did taste bitter.
I do think it tasted a little retarded.
Yeah, that would be funny as fuck.
Giving people like prank requests
with your ashes.
I've already, I'm jotting that down.
I'm doing that.
Well, the hurricane's got butt fucked
four to nothing in the last period.
Like a glitter bomb, but it's me.
Doesn't matter, Woody.
They're coming back. Oh, a glitter bomb?
I want to be mailed to
heads of state that I dislike.
You know, my ashes sent there.
Which heads of state?
I don't fucking know.
Specifically.
Whatever people are shitty, 50 years from now when I die, and the people I don't fucking know. Specifically. Yeah, no, no. Which ones? Whatever people are shitty 50 years from now when I die, and the people I don't like.
You're being pretty optimistic over there, aren't you, Taylor?
Like, I'm pretty, you know, you might end up getting thrown a job.
75?
That's only 78.
78?
Oh, you think you're making it to 78?
Well, let's see if you make it to 30 first.
Dude, if I die in a car accident
this week, you guys are going to feel awful.
I won't feel a thing.
Man, that hurts.
I wanted you to add the N word on it.
Oh, no.
Man, that would be so sad.
I died
and the next episode of PKA was like,
Called it!
We've lost a host.
And Kyle
did call it.
And so he gets to pick
who replaces Taylor now. There's a $5 PayPal
bet on it.
So Kyle gets to pick
the new host. And then like five weeks later,
one of you is bitching
at the other one, being like, you know, you never
paid me the $5 for Taylor's death.
That would be so fucking funny.
But I wouldn't be around to see it.
You'd be up in heaven
looking down on us with wings.
Down from heaven, you say.
Yeah.
If heaven's real, I don't think I'm going to make it.
You'll be
you'll be looking up from a very hot place with after your after your take after your bible story
it's exactly where i was going to god's gonna be like real funny huh i put some work into that
samson shit i've been banking that god doesn't watch youtube this entire dude I watch YouTube so like we talked about how like our
affinity for Netflix is fading right you know it was the best value not for you
you know it's fading for me too I think Kyle said not for him yeah not for me
okay um yes Netflix I thought was the best value in entertainment like three
years ago like it's amazing that you can get all that for nine dollars and now I
don't know what it is 15 or something i think you're browsing right it's possible i'm
not browsing right but all my my best value right now is youtube premium i never see an ad it's got
the music thing uh that's that's my best value i never see an ad either and uh there's plenty of
music on there.
I use YouTube Premium.
They sponsor this or whatever, and I install it on my phone.
And the coolest part about it personally was that I could press the power button on my phone and put it in my pocket and continue listening to music.
And I couldn't do that with just regular YouTube.
It would close the application.
I can do that on my phone.
Aren't you fancy?
You just focus on this weekend.
What I like is I can have
a podcast.
I can have
JRE going and flip over
to the GPS and
it doesn't close off YouTube.
That's a good value.
God, I hope you don't die.
Honestly, it's a good value. God, I hope you don't die. Honestly, it's a good bit.
Taylor had a lot of dedication to this bit.
Not everyone would have hit a telephone pole at 97 miles an hour,
but Taylor was all in.
We kept telling him doing a Ryan Dunn impression
while driving 120 miles
an hour down the road wasn't a
good bit, but god damn, he
periscoped it and before he died,
it was funny.
Yeah.
So that's what I'll do. If I die in a
car accident in the next five days, I'm gonna
haunt the
shit out of both of you.
Oh, bring it. I invite anyone who...
What kind of things would you do?
I would let that fucking devil dog out and lead it to Kyle.
Tax her.
Yeah.
And then I would steal an acetylene torch and remove the moles in your backyard.
Oh, no.
And then I'd make a post-mortem
fucking video going,
he lit the fucking house on fire.
Jesus fuck.
No, but in all seriousness, I hope I don't
die in a car accident this weekend.
Yeah, you gotta go out of good years in front of you.
Man, but if I
did die in a car accident this weekend,
this exact
clip would be put on morbid reality
yeah that read it and i bet i would get pretty highly upvoted oh yeah yeah if i if i die this
people would look to me and it doesn't even get 10 000 upvotes then fuck fuck taylor permission
to upload this as a separate clip and monetize it. And people would then look
to me at the very least.
Monetize my death to make like
300 bucks.
See, here's the fun
part though. If this happened, people would
look to me at the very least as a prognosticator.
They'd be like, what's happening
next, Kyle? I predict these things.
And some people, I predict
these things. And some people would look
at me as a warlock and i'm okay with both okay i feel like warlock slash prognosticator could be a
good gig going into the future i just start predicting things you know and making them
come true myself if i had to because we got to keep this gig rolling dude being a magic man
would have been the best job in like 1850 a rainmaker a rainmaker oh is that what the indians
had well they had did a rain dance but there's a a con man uh scheme that's called the rain the
rainmaker and and i don't know exactly how it goes but basically you're like hey pay me this money
and i'll make it rain and if if it rains then you've won but if it doesn't rain you're like
you didn't give me enough money.
And give it a couple weeks, right?
It's raining outside right now.
It's coming.
Oh, did that huge storm roll in, Kyle?
Did it turn you down? It was bad for a little bit.
I've got lawn chairs outside and stuff.
And when I stepped away to make coffee i opened the back
door to see what was going on and the chairs are blown over um so it must have gotten bad but with
these on i i don't hear these do a pretty good noise canceling job and i crank you guys up what
are they um audio technica
ath m50xs oh that's a highly regarded headset.
It is.
Everybody likes it a lot.
Chiz recommended it,
and he's recommended it to many of us,
and everybody I knew sort of was like,
yeah, that's a good one.
Very comfy.
You don't get sweat ear.
Very adjustable.
I know it's kind of wonky
the way I have it adjusted right now.
Sweat ear?
Yeah, like if you've got cheap leather or whatever this is like the the earpiece if it's cheap it'll make your like earlobe like sweat it'll get real like gross in there after long
like i said i wore this thing 15 hours last night right like oh yeah you're you're
marathoning with that yeah this is as long this four hour show is probably as long as you ever
wear a headset but why did you get rid of the...
I literally only wear this during this show.
They broke.
My Astros are on the floor over there.
They stopped working.
But shit, those A40s, I think, the wired ones, lasted me...
A long time.
Five, six, seven years, something like that.
People said they were junk.
I always was pretty happy with mine.
I was always happy with mine. Is it a normal thing
as you get older for your chest hair to
creep up your neck?
Yeah, sure. Because I'm
finding chest hairs over here now.
Like in this area.
Taylor, you have got to let it connect.
Just let it go.
You need a beard that goes to your balls.
I was literally thinking about
taking a photo of just my neck like this
of this square area and tweeting it
because there is no space between them.
It's just Adam's
apple and hair and hair.
It's getting a little
out of hand. I think I need to shave this bit.
What would you want?
These are long ass hairs, dude.
What was that, Kyle? Sorry.
I could do hair talk all night, though.
Would you want to have them trim all that up
for you when you were in the casket?
No, if anything, I'd want them to augment it.
You want it bushier.
He wants hair replacement.
Like a nice
fluffing. Well, I think the
fire is going to really do a number on a lot
of it. Oh, you're right.
I forgot I was burning myself when I died.
No, the car accident this weekend.
It's going to be a fiery mess.
Yeah.
You might have survived if it wasn't
for the fire, but after 10-15
minutes,
you died.
Hi, I'm Taylor, pretending to be Ryan Dunn,
and this is Jackass.
You're going to be going through an intersection, and somebody's going to run the light,
and you're going to see it coming, so you're going to swerve to the left.
You're going to go under
a propane tank.
And as you're dying,
you're going to go, you know what, Bobby?
Propane's not so great after all.
If my last words are me being like no i didn't predict this and then die you know if my last words are a hank hill
a shitty bad not even good then that's a pretty sad existence. I died the way I lived.
Burning alive.
But Dad, you shouldn't have burned alive.
Propane is a safe gas.
Bobby, it can be very dangerous.
That's why as a tanker, you have to go top to bottom.
You never go bottom to top.
So he lived the way he died.
They thought that
who's the dog?
Ghost from Game of Thrones
died in the big battle
from two episodes ago.
And my favorite Reddit comment was like,
he died the way he lived,
off screen.
Off screen.
I assumed he was dead too because the fact that
that dog survived through all of it
makes less than zero sense.
It's a huge wolf.
It's basically a pony sized wolf.
You know,
it's funny you say that because watch the
most recent episode after John leaves
and Wolf walks
up next to a normal sized man and it looks like a
dog yeah everyone talks about how expensive the cgi is for this ghost and i'm like i don't they
just got a siberian husky and have it walk around right like am i am i the only one that thinks
just a dog like like no there were scenes in the in the early seasons where it was fucking huge and look i it's easy to forget maybe because i need to see them again
yeah no they were huge in the beginning now they've shrunk like if you go back to like there
was that scene where sam is getting his ass beat for defending gilly from the rape of the night's
watch guys and that dog comes in and it's fucking gargantuan and uh and look john and ghost had a really close
bond in the first like year or two and like god damn it you establish that as a huge part of how
stark how these this is our sigil and you every every person they bond with your wolf and and we
all know he wouldn't the three of us know where sansa's our um aria's fucking wolf is it's out
in the goddamn godswood or some shit by King's Landing.
People forget, Jon was warging into that wolf.
They were connected not just like we might be with our dogs,
but he was literally warging into that wolf and seeing what it was seeing.
People don't know warging is what Bran does,
where he goes into crows and shit.
He could do that with Ghost.
But in the TV show, I mean to say,
he's just a pet that he takes care of.
Sometimes.
Sometimes.
He's like a wild, he's like an outdoor cat.
We're all better pet owners,
and Taylor doesn't have a pet.
That's true.
Have you thought about getting a pet?
I just realized you don't.
Yeah, my girlfriend is always pressuring me to get a dog.
She wants a dog very badly.
Does she want a little dog, big dog?
I think like a mid-sized dog.
A lab?
Like something about the size of a lab.
Yeah, like maybe like a.
A German Shorthair would make a great dog for you.
A Labradoodle.
A Weimaraner.
You need a Weimaraner. I like Weimaraners are very intelligent. I don't even know what a great dog for you. A Labradoodle. A Weimaraner. You need a Weimaraner.
Weimaraners are very intelligent.
I don't even know what kind of dog that is.
I had a Weimaraner as my childhood dog, and it was pretty badass.
Really?
Yes.
It saved my life.
Weimaraner.
Don't suggest Weimar Republic.
I'm looking up dogs.
Yeah.
Weimaraner.
Sam was our Weimaraner.
Oh, these are pretty big dogs, aren't they?
Sam was our Weimaraner, and, uh, it literally saved my life.
Essentially one time it killed a deer that would have, that would have trampled me.
I wounded deer down in a ravine that four year old me couldn't have gotten out of.
It killed the deer.
Uh, and, um, my, my mother was tired of feeding Sam.
So one day she loaded me and my sister into the van along with Sam, drove him off to a
dump on the side of a dirt road and left
him there. What the
fuck? It was an $800
Weimaraner in 1990.
Wow. That's like $10,000
now.
It's incalculable.
It's incalculable.
But like, Jesus, she just drove a
dog to a dump and left it?
Yeah. This dog has Taylor written all over it.
Dad searched for weeks.
That's sad.
I give mom a thumbs down.
Yeah, I give her bitch of the week.
Love you, mom. Thanks for those kind text messages
about my birthday.
But you're also our
bonafide PKA cunt of the week.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm not cosigning that one.
She sent me a lovely gift.
Can you tell us?
She sent me a gigantic cake
that I'm gonna eat.
You know what my mom sent me that I actually really like
for my birthday? It was a couple months ago.
They were like tie-down straps for my truck.
But a little kind of fancy.
A little tie-down, a little bungee.
They look easier to use.
I got them.
I thought they were like a PK. Sometimes things
come to my house and they're for the show.
I thought they might be that, but it turned out to be my birthday
present, and I really liked them.
I'm not easy to shop for.
She got me a truck accessory.
My dad bought himself a gift for my birthday.
I like that. What did he get himself?
He texts me and
it's like this brand new let me get the brand right i want he got your dad bought himself a
gift for your birthday on my birthday he was inspired your dad is now the cool ass guy of the
week happy birthday kyle i bought myself a bike i think it's a gun, right? No, no, no. He got himself a mule. He got the
newest mule, the Kawasaki mule.
Oh, a mule is like a golf cart on steroids,
not a horse-like
being. He got the
big one. It's got doors
and... Is it Kawasaki, did you say?
Yeah, it's the Kawasaki mule.
I'm trying to see what the
code is on the side, like LE or LT
or whatever, but he got a red one
and it's big
it's got a roof
it's got doors
it's got what looks like a gun rack on the back
but it doesn't have an inside, right?
I mean, it's not enclosed
I'm trying to explain
it looks very
beefy, this is his third
side-by-side, I don't know what the oh, I know why he got this he was getting rid of a motorcycle plane yeah yeah yeah it's it's got you know it looks very beefy this is his third side by side
i don't know what the oh i know why he got this he he had a he was getting rid of a motorcycle
and he just traded it in and added some cash to it to get this is it uh two c two door or four door
two door i think we're looking at it on here i'll just send you the link. Yeah.
This is super nice.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
I'm in love with my golf cart, though.
I mean, it's less expensive than this.
I think most people would argue it's not as nice.
But I like no doors, no key.
You just sort of slide in and press the pedal and start going.
I asked him about that.
I was like, do you like the doors?
He's like, it keeps the dogs out of it.
And I was like, ah, that's great. Because he's got all those fucking rescue dogs that he has. And they get in, they chew the seats off of nice things like these.
Do you ever get that cow, by the way?
Yeah.
What? Wait, you got the cow?
were going to talk about on the show but it just it didn't work out yeah my dad has a friend i do remember you saying that my dad has a friend who works in the cattle business and rather than my
dad hooking his cattle trailer up to his big truck and driving all the way there and like
interacting in an auction he was just like hey bill you go to the auction tuesday like yep
every tuesday that's what i do like all right kyle wants a kyle wants a black angus heifer
he's like how much does he want to spend and and so now i have a black Angus heifer. He's like, how much does he want to spend? And,
and so now I have a black Angus heifer.
How much did it set you back?
$800. And, uh, I'm not sure what to name her. Uh, I'm,
I'm working on that.
Well, this should be, what are your, uh, top runners so far?
T-bone.
I'm going to call you a T-bone.
It's like the Seinfeld. T-Bone. T-Bone. I'm going to call you T-Bone. T-Bone.
Like the Seinfeld.
There's a black Angus heifer on the screen right now.
Leave a comment if you made it this far into the show.
It's almost four hours.
As to what you think Kyle should name
his black Angus heifer cow.
No, name her Coco.
Coco.
Yeah.
Is there something funny about Coco?
I don't know.
It's the Seinfeld name.
George Costanza, when he was trying to make his own nickname in the boardroom meetings,
was telling Jerry, like, I'm going to say T-Bone.
T-Bone, that's a cool name.
I'm going to say T-Bone.
And so he keeps bringing T-Bones to the meetings because he wants them to call him T-Bone or whatever.
Yeah, I'm going to...
How much does your Black Angus heifer weigh currently?
I didn't ask.
3,000 pounds.
I told him a dollar amount, and he just kind of made it happen.
Okay.
Do you know how old it is?
Is it a she?
Yes.
Heifer means girl, right?
Heifer's girl.
I'm not a cow person.
It's like before they become a cow. I guess that'd be right? Heifer's girl. I'm not a cow person. It's like before they become a cow.
I guess that'd be a cowboy.
I should have said I'm not a cowboy.
But it's pretty big.
I'm trying to be not so sexist.
I'm not a cow person.
I would guesstimate that it's like 600 pounds,
based on the cost per pound, pound roughly speaking and about how big the
thing looks you know how big it's expected to get like oh 1200 pounds easy so it's half size now
well i'm not gonna go to full 1200 pound cow like next year she's dead okay uh yeah so
what would you in the spring like literally maybe 12 months ish?
Yeah.
Then give it, give it 12 months.
Let it, let her, let her fatten up.
You think she'll weigh like a thousand pounds?
And you're not going to send us even a tiddly weight.
Eight or 900 easy.
I would say after another year.
Um, again, I'm not a cow expert or anything.
Cowboy they're called.
I'm not a cow man.
A cowman.
A cowman.
I have been just been flipping from one naked cow to the
next it's it's like i don't know have you found any with clothes on well this one's got a tag in
its ear like the chick-fil-a that would be a really funny thing to do is like put clothes on your cow
the way people put clothes on their dog like it's got jean shorts on but but yeah i'm totally i'm
looking forward to this i'm gonna
have it slaughtered and like all the lesser cuts that i don't like i don't use skirt steak i don't
send that to me dude i'll use it i'll make tacos that's okay um i'm gonna have he's gonna take the
lesser ones and throw them away no you know what he's gonna do he's gonna burn them and videotape
it and say stop producing lesser cuts,
dumbass cows.
Taylor, you're missing the whole point here.
I'm not going to have meat
Saturday, and you're
not going to be around next year.
So,
I mean, I'll throw a steak on your grave.
That's wasteland.
A little au jus.
Don't put a whole steak.
Don't waste it on me. just give me a shitty skirt steak
like lay that over the top I'll sprinkle
some ground beef
but yeah what I was gonna say is I'm gonna take like you know
just grind up the lesser cuts and stuff
like that and have a bunch of ground beef because I love
hamburgers and meatloaf
and all the things that you do with tacos
and nachos and all that shit I love
ground beef but yeah I can't
wait to have my mouth's watering thinking about beef. I can't wait to have...
My mouth's watering thinking about this cow.
I can't wait to have
a huge thing of T-bones
and fucking filet mignon.
It's going to be wonderful.
All that backstrap.
He says filet mignon like Pepe Le Pew.
Filet mignon.
Yeah, filet mignon.
Backstrap.
Now he's becoming more Mexican.
I love that shit.
I love beef.
And I'm hoping that she's a tasty girl.
How bad would it suck if like a year from now,
after spending the money, getting her slaughtered,
getting all the pieces chopped out the way I want,
I was like, oh, you taste like hate.
It was a mistake to have her graze in the jalapeno fields.
That might be good.
She just inadvertently invented a new kind of grazing.
You know, I'm kind of a cow person.
I want to be a cowman.
But yeah, she'll be like 100% grass fed.
And like, you know, I'll make sure that she's got, you know, there'll be no antibiotics or anything.
Dad doesn't do that shit.
So like she'll be 100% organic.
It'll be good.
You mean you're anti-vax when it comes to cows?
It's expensive to vaccinate.
So if they get sick, they get a bullet.
It's much cheaper.
He's rolling the $800 die.
It's very rare that a cow gets sick.
And like, there's no like black foot out on the farm.
Just a little bit of mad cow. We're hoping
she's resistant. You only get mad cow
if you feed them cow brains.
Or any kind of cow
product.
No. It's the prions in the
brain tissue. The brain
matter. That's how you get mad cow.
Why are cows eating cow brains because farmers especially in the uk uh would grind up the dead cows and use
the parts of the dead cows that didn't make it to market to feed right back to the so if they just
but they're herbivores that cow and did the same thing they'd be you grind it up and they don't
fucking care they'll eat anything okay yeah if you like grind it up and they don't fucking care they'll eat anything okay yeah
if you like grind it up and mix it in with some good stuff like if you got like one part brain to
two part like fucking like hay or like like the i've heard of people feeling them feeling all
kinds of cheap stuff like corn stalks like the the stalk of a corn thing i thought that was okay
like i thought that was like a big part of what corn was for.
We eat the ears.
It's called silage.
But it's like low tier feed.
Ideally it would be grass or hay
or grain or if you're
really fancy like acorns.
If you feed like an animal, acorns
apparently makes them taste delicious.
Have you ever eaten an acorn?
No. Really? I have when i was little
when i was like i can live off the land i just watched land before time that means i can eat
leaves and acorns and i ate a leaf not great ate an acorn even worse i was thinking about it once
because i read this book called my side of the Mountain and it's a very cool book
it's about this kid who runs away from home
goes into the Catskill Mountains of New York and lives all by himself
he lives in a hollow, there's a tree with a big hollowed out spot
like a crack in it and he goes in there and he makes himself a little house
and it's got a door that he fashions out of some shit
he finds a peregrine falcon in a nest and he gets it
and he tames it and he uses it to catch rabbits and stuff and uh there was a part where he made
acorn pancakes you know he ground up the acorns to make like a a mealy batter and then i think
he may have even used like maple syrup because you know all you need is a fucking maple tree and
put a hole in that bitch and maple syrup comes out yeah that was a good one also hatchet
that was gonna say those went hand in hand yeah yeah my side of the mountain and hatchet i i
loved reading those and just thinking thinking about living off the land yeah but thinking about
it was enough i don't want to do that for i've i've tried it at an amateur level it's no fun at all i'm with you no i i saw the videos you you should have been there we should do it again
let's do it again we'll we'll survive in the deep woods of missouri my backyard
and and we'll be there's literally a picket fence around we'll be thousands of
centimeters from the kitchen and so are we talking about going to your grandmother's house where
she'll cook us multiple chickens this is a better idea than the first one honestly if we tried to
survive my grandma's house and we just went in like she i've said so many times i feel like
people i need to
take more pictures of the food she prepares because people think i'm making it up where it's like she
will make enough food for 40 people i want to see it i wanted the pictures and there's like 13 people
there and so she'll send me back with whole birds, whole, like, fuck, last time I went up there,
or went down there, she sent me home with,
I think like four pounds of steak,
both ribeye, filet mignon,
what the fuck is it?
Prime rib, yeah, all that.
All the good ones, all the hits, all the classics.
And so it's great. And the way she fries Yeah, all that. All the good ones, all the hits, all the classics. And so it's great.
And the way she fries chicken, magnifique.
So good.
The best fried chicken on earth, my grandma.
My favorite telling of this was when Taylor was like,
people, you think your grandmother creates a big spread.
I don't care what she's making.
She can't compare to my grandma. It's not big spread. I don't care what she's making. She can't compare to my grandma.
It's not even close.
People out there are like,
my grandma made five lasagnas for only 10 people.
It's like, oh, fun.
My grandma fried 11 chickens.
And then she also had us go fishing.
And then she fried up five catfish that we caught.
And then she also cooked up like 70 ounces of filet what does her
oven look like like is it just a she had her so basically they're they lived in deep southern
missouri farming and all that shit for a while and they did well enough for themselves that about 15
less than that uh probably 10 12 years ago they built a big house that was on technically different property but it was from their new house you can
see their old house okay sold to someone and it is the kind of house it's so nice for the area
they'll never be able to resell it and she was anal about her kitchen like everything the island
in her kitchen it's the size of an average kitchen like it i can't overstress
how big the island is it would take you a solid 10 seconds to run around like you like it's it's
so huge and she's got warming oven or uh warming trays because she makes so much food you know you
got like a couple warming trays to put stuff in and keep it.
She's got three ovens.
She's got three
stacked ovens.
I'm just processing that.
She has three stacked ovens.
Two and then another one.
That's how she's able to produce this huge quantity
of food.
She has a commercial kitchen.
I'll show up when I go down there with my girlfriend
or my brothers or whoever and we'll get
down there and she'll be like, oh we are just
so glad to see you. That's great. Now
dinner is almost ready.
It'll be like five of us and
there will already be enough food for
11 people on the table and then she'll
pull out everything in the warming drawers and
everything in the ovens and it's like, Grandma, why did you think
that we needed 58 biscuits? we we don't need it but i i gain weight there
every single time it is impossible to diet there and it's not because of almond calories like you
would we would all have a blast there there's enough room to shoot wherever you want i remember
i wish i had a four wheelers all the time. I wish I had a weak spot for a less calorie-dense snack.
Okay, we could do that.
Okay, all right.
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Alright.
PKA 438.