Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #462
Episode Date: October 31, 2019In this week's PKA, this week's show we got hilarious YouTuber, Danny Mullen, joining the fellas about 90 minutes into the show. Where they talk about the kind of content Danny's been producing over t...he years and various pranks. Before he joins the 3 lads finally have a fully fleshed out spoiler-filled discussion about The Joker now that all of them have seen the movie and Taylor shares a funny story about a haircut... because it's PKA and that's what we do here, a grabbag of comedy.Â
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PKA462.
Our guest, Danny Mullen, will be coming in about an hour-ish.
Kyle?
Yeah, a couple sponsors tonight.
Express VPN, GetQuip, and SmartMouth, of course.
We'll get to those guys later on in the show.
I'm really excited about the guest who's going to be dropping in a little bit later.
We watched several of his videos.
Very funny.
Surprised I'd never heard of him before.
He does some really funny videos.
And yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
He seems to have a pretty crass sense of humor.
I like that.
Looking forward to it.
I'm like, yeah, he's really funny, and he'll fit in with us.
And Kyle's like, crass sense of humor.
Welcome to the show.
Joker?
Yeah, so everybody's finally seen the Joker.
Yeah, i went yesterday
afternoon my predictions were spot on for how much kyle would like the movie i knew it jazz hands
jazz hands for for that so i want to i guess it was it's most recently in your mind of the three
of us kind of lay the lay out your take what'd you like i'm gonna try i won't do any spoilers
that's what i was exactly gonna ask yeah yeah i won't do any spoilers. That's what I was exactly going to ask.
I won't do any spoilers. If at some point during
us speaking about the movie we feel like a spoiler
is required, we'll definitely give you that
hey, we're about to say a thing
kind of warning.
I'm going to talk about some spoilers at least.
Sure, yeah. We'll warn people
before that happens.
I'm the kind of guy, I don't watch trailers
at all. I had not seen the Joker trailer. I had seen that clip of him dancing down some
stairs. And that's the only impression I had from the movie that, and what Joaquin was going to
look at look like in the makeup. Joaquin deserves an Oscar for that performance. He carries the
entire movie, not just because his performance was so strong, but because he's on screen in 95% of the scenes.
It's very rare that there's a scene that is not entirely him.
Maybe it's 100%.
I mean, it's 95% to 100% just Joaquin on screen the entire movie.
And I feel like it borrows some things from a couple of other movies, like the movie Falling Down, the movie Taxi Driver.
Oh, Taxi Driver, for sure.
Yeah, if you've ever seen Falling Down, it's a similar kind of thing where a guy is having the worst day of his life, and it just keeps getting worse.
And he starts off in traffic having just been fired from his job.
And the traffic's so bad he just goes you know what
fuck it and he just gets out of his car and walks away and begins the the worst day of his life
more and more horrible things happen to him until he snaps you need to watch that
you've never seen he goes to a fast food restaurant and he's like why doesn't this burger
look like that picture and it makes him crazy carry on yeah michael douglas i don't know
yeah it's uh michael douglas and robert duvall uh two of my favorite actors but yeah joker um i've
always been a fan of joaquin you know signs and uh uh gladiator yeah um and that that recent movie
he did you were never really there i I think is the title something like that
He went under one of those Christian Bale type body
transformations a 100% like it's it's absolutely comparable to what Christian Bale has done with you know going from Batman and the Machinist and
American Psycho with that that up-and-down craziness
Because he was big and bulky and like like he had a very similar body type to Taylor has
a year and a half, two years ago.
And now we see him and he is the most,
he is so emaciated.
He looks like a Holocaust victim at times.
Oh, so he looks dangerously thin.
Dangerously thin.
When he's bent over, you can see every vertebrae in his spine.
His shoulders are poking out in ways
that you don't ever see
shoulders poke out outside of Holocaust victims and people who have been starved unintentionally.
And that's just how this guy looks. And man, they explain why the Joker is the Joker so well.
Because the Joker is such a maniacal anarchist character that
you're like, well, there's plenty of crazy people in our day-to-day lives who have bad
things happen to them. Why didn't any of them become a Joker? Nobody's ever had as many bad
things happen to them as Joaquin Phoenix has happened to him in this movie. It's like every day at least two of the most horrifically embarrassing and life-crushing
things happen to him throughout embarrassing is a good way to describe it too like i've just
thought in terms of like terrible and horrible and sad but like yeah humiliating humiliating
all the time and i like i think i said it when i like spoke a couple sentences about it a few PKNs ago when I saw it.
But 15, 20 minutes in, I was thinking in the movie when I was watching it,
I don't know how they're going to make this any sadder for this guy.
This is already really fucking sad. If you don't want spoilers, you should probably skip this whole section
because I'm going to slip up at some point and say something.
You should probably skip this whole section because I'm going to slip up at some point and say something.
Okay.
But I think he deserves whatever the biggest prize is, Oscar, Emmy. Best acting Oscar.
Yeah.
Because he was fantastic.
I went into this conversation being like, man, people are going to fuss at me because I'm going to be the odd man out.
The movie was – I was going to go too hard on it.
I liked it.
I thought it was a better than average movie.
Six and a half out of ten.
Disagreement's good for conversation.
Go hard.
Yeah, right.
Fucking suck.
It's the worst.
Twenty minutes in, I thought I was an hour in.
Two hours in.
I just looked up the movie link.
It's a two hour, two minute movie.
I thought it was three.
This movie dragged on hard.
And I might have...
Like Kyle, I didn't see any trailers
going into it other than what he looked like and it's on walk um so uh but joe brogan described it
as a masterpiece that was sort of what i was looking for i was looking for a masterpiece
something that was awesome and i talked about it last night on my live stream and they agreed with
me a lot of people were like it is so. Um, it's just like two hours.
I'm sorry.
One hour and 10 minutes of a guy sort of sucking at life.
And then people agreeing with him.
And it's just like,
ah,
it is.
Oh,
um,
someone's agreed with me on this.
There are a lot of guys on my stream too.
His acting was amazing,
but there was no range none zero range
in this over his career he's had range but in this movie he plays one emotion for two hours
and then another emotion for two minutes tops it is just a guy being like man this this is kind of
shitty the entire fucking film uh well he even admit he even says i've never had a happy day in my
entire life yeah that's in the script i guess it is yeah like it or i should say in the play like
yeah he doesn't have any good moments and i guess i wasn't expecting an uplifting movie and the movie
doesn't have to be uplifting for me to like it i can be impressed and enjoy a movie that's not uplifting but this afterwards i was just like well fuck i'm slightly emotionally poor for having seen this
oh afterwards i was like dancing with him out of the theater oh yeah i was loving it i was so happy
for the joke like like i'm on team joker now i'm like for him the whole time like the whole time
i'm an hour and 52 minutes in and i'm like when do am i supposed to dislike him yeah like i hate the waynes i hate the waynes
oh yeah yeah i'm supposed to like i'm empathetic to what he's gone through like it sucked but
like i didn't find him to be a very likable guy lovable oh i i thought it like he earns you he wins you over with being
such a sad sack and then all the stuff about his this is where spoilers might come in people so
skip ahead all the stuff about his mom and the potential uh relationship that he might have
with the waynes and then that being pulled out from under him and it's just every time there's a
possibility that maybe something might go even one percent better for him it reverses in tanks
like the uh the people who he thought his only friends at the clown factory whatever the fuck
they were doing his only friends he gets sold out by them by the way one of the funniest scenes in the movie
is when he's terrorizing that dwarf yes in his apartment that might be the best scene
murders that guy who gave him the gun and sold him out and then it's like the dwarf is trying
to unlock the thing and he's just sitting there soaked in blood and he's just like oh you can't reach
let me get that for you the best moment is when the dwarf walks past him and he goes
and the dwarf's just like
like i'm with the dwarf i'm so afraid of joaquin in that moment he just went from zero to a thousand
just instantaneously just just went crazy town on that guy and i'm
thinking like god only knows what he's gonna do to that little man over there when he catches his
breath this is gonna be hard to watch i've never seen a dwarf murder in a film but it's it's a
coming that's but but he just lets him off the hook i i gave it i'm thinking like a nine out of
ten for the movie for me and and joaquin's performance was one of the best performances I've ever seen.
Just,
I believed that he was that guy.
And,
and I,
he made me empathize with him.
It made,
he made me feel really sorry for him and understand like where he was coming
from with his ridiculously insane thoughts and opinions on the world.
Joaquin's performance was
great in that he hit the bullseye for
what the movie required.
But the movie required
two hours of the same thing again
and again and again. Joaquin having
his rough days.
I think that was kind of necessary
to drill home
what drove him to that.
Like if it showed two days of him.
Well, they played very different Jokers.
And I liked this movie more than the Heath Ledger Batman and Joker movie.
Heath Ledger was great.
He was.
But it was a totally different kind of Joker.
This was like, if there was going to be a Joker character in real life that started going bananas, this is the way it would happen.
Like just beaten down, beaten down.
Life sucks.
Nothing goes his way.
Everything is sad.
He's got that weird manic disorder.
Not even manic, really.
His laughing thing.
That made me way sadder than I thought.
When he was just trying like the
first time i think in the film he's trying to have a human connection with someone that little
kid on the bus like all he wants is to make people laugh and to to kind of be accepted and he's doing
little goofy things with the kid then the mom turns around and is like stop stop stop bothering
my son yeah stop bothering my son and then he starts like doing the like laugh crying, which was really, really fucking sad.
And he hands that that well worn and fingerprinted car laminated laminated.
And it says, please return this card.
And it's like, oh, wait, you left out the more important things that it said.
Oh, the more important thing.
I have a neurological disorder that I can't. laugh at inappropriate times i can't stop i'm sorry
please return this card and it was like oh what a sad life deniro's character was great i thought
i i really loved deniro in in his role like like he did he did the like night show guest so well that i was like oh shit maybe that's what deniro should
have done yeah i like deniro as the host of the tonight show he um and i was trying to like i was
trying to put my arms around whether he was a bad guy or not right like he kind of poked at joker
but he also brought him on the show and gave him a platform. The Joker says, I want to be an Idris's Joker.
I want to wear this.
All right.
And I'm not going to drop the super spoiler.
But Joker wasn't happy about his treatment by the guy. But also, he kind of just gave you a platform.
You made your bed on this thing.
Well, yeah.
De Niro's not an evil guy.
But he's also not a nice guy.
He's definitely part of that system that has been bullying and knocking Joaquin down.
And he's invited him on the show to mock him further.
He's like, remember that guy we had a big laugh about next week?
Let's just get him in here and let's laugh right in front of his face.
Let's just laugh in his face.
That'll be even better.
That's the only way we can one-up ourselves from last week. We've got to have him here to mock him to his face. Let's, let's, let's just laugh in his face. That'll be even better. That's the only way we can one up ourselves from last week.
We got to have him here to mock him to his face.
That's what was coming.
You know,
but he realizes that like on the way out and in the middle of the
interview.
And that's why like,
Oh,
there's spoilers all throughout this.
Like,
yeah.
Well,
I mean,
that was my interpretation.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
My interpretation is he entered that night.
Like it on his way there. He knew that this for sure. My interpretation is he entered that night.
On his way there, he knew that this thing was a setup not to make him look good.
But on the other hand, if he had crushed it with a comedy routine,
which is if he had just won over the audience, he could have done that.
He had a platform.
He had a platform he could have used for anything.
And he chose to use it to be upset with the host and upset with the world and upset with all this
stuff instead of further his own comedy career like it you know it was an undrawn page he could
have written his own picture i mean maybe i don't i don't think so i think by that time
the groundwork had been laid by the show and the audience you know anticipation was to mock him but
i think like you remember he's sitting in his shitty-ass place
where he was taking care of his mom, and he's
like, pretending, like he's walking
in and sitting down. Hey,
Murray, how are you? Like, sitting down, telling
a joke or two. And then he, like,
takes out his hand and puts it
in his mouth. Or takes out the gun,
puts it in his mouth. And then
feigns killing himself.
And I think, like, maybe I maybe i'm wrong like lots up to
interpretation i think that like even the walk going there he was thinking i'm gonna kill myself
on this guy's show and then it was either in the dressing room or even out there sitting with
deniro that he was like you know what no i'm doing something else you know what i think it was i i
think that the thing that changed his mind from suicide to taking on a whole nother plan
was the journey to the studio and what he saw on television after when he had the interaction
with the police.
And when he gets on the train, the train is literally full of people who feel just like
him and are literally his fans and supporters.
And then he gets to the the station
and he sees the television report where it's like yeah i'm loved but i was right all along i don't
have to conform to their version of of what i should be at comedy no this world's a big enough
joke as it is i'm gonna go out there and do my own thing i i i know where this is all headed i'm here
i'm here to be to be mocked I'm here to be a mockery.
I'm going to flip this on its head. I'm going to tell the truth.
I love that they have
one of those sex doctor
ladies, like this universe's version of that.
What's her name?
I don't know what the character's name, but there's
a Dr. Ruth in real life.
That's who I'm going for.
Our universe has Dr. Ruth, but this is the
DC universe, so it's got
some other sex doctor old lady who tells you how to have an orgasm. for it yeah yeah our universe has dr ruth but this is the dc universe so it's got like whatever
some other sex doctor old lady who tells you how to have an orgasm and he just fucking plants one
on her that was great i love that was great yeah she was traumatized from that moment going forward
and it just kept getting worse and worse for her i didn't interpret her like that oh yeah
yeah she did not care for it she did not care for that um me she i i was
watching her a lot during his time on stage and to see her go from mild trauma trauma to ptsd is
his in my is in the future for me for life was was pretty fun to watch like like like she she
was on a roller coaster ride of doom and despair the real dr ruth would have rolled with the punches i don't well she might have rolled with
the kiss but but subsequent behavior now i love that one that he tries to tell that one joke it's
like what was it it's like knock knock who's there it's the doctor your son just died in a drunk driving accident she's like oh you can't
joke about that why not it's funny it's great yeah i uh i love that fucking movie i love
what they did with the the female character that he has the love interest with
oh yeah that that moment that moment was was like an 8 out of 10
when you got your
reveal, whatever you want to call it.
I kind of saw it coming.
But
she was like his rock that he was holding
on to. I really loved their interactions
throughout the movie. I was like,
what a nice lady. This is so great
that somebody gets him.
She's like, were you following me today?
He's like, yeah, I was. And her response is, she works at the bank. You should have came in and robbed the place. And I love his response to that moment. I got a gun. I can come by tomorrow. And
he's not joking. And that goes back to when he's in the comedy club taking those notes.
And this, to me, is one of the most wonderful parts of the whole movie that speaks so much to his neurological condition.
He's taking notes watching a successful comedian, and he's laughing at all of the offbeats.
He's laughing at every one of the offbeats.
And when the crowd laughs at the actual punchlines, he's like,
fuck are y'all laughing at?
That's not where I thought you were going.
That wasn't funny at all.
And then his notes are nonsensical.
They're deranged.
Sex jokes are funny.
People like sex jokes.
It was just like he's missing the point.
He was taking notes on how to be
a good comedian but they were like studies of human behavior that just seemed like he wasn't
getting it right he was like an alien what it was like he was it was like there was a man from mars
watching a comic show and he was like humans like jokes of sex it was a really good way for us to
understand his mental derangement.
They're not the notes
that any of our listeners, well, who knows about all our
listeners, but the average listener would be taking.
So that was
really well done. There were a lot of well done parts of it,
but it's
two hours of one scene just played again
and again.
I was transfixed.
I was loving it. when he walks into the club
to do his own jokes i literally was like this yeah i was stressed out for the movie character
i was like oh it's gonna go so poorly oh i i have my hands on my face and i wanted to cover my eyes
i i really honestly wanted to cover my eyes but but obviously I just paid $9, so I'm going to watch.
But I didn't want to watch.
I didn't want it to happen.
I've never experienced that in a movie before where I knew what was coming was going to be so emotionally damaging for him. he's like he's like a mentally challenged child it who's walking into this a scene full of bullies
who are lying to him saying yeah come on they're like pretending like that's the only like thing
i can imagine that would be as bad as this that i would be so apprehensive about is if like the
because he is vulnerable in that way he is a a bit of a child. And he's this vulnerable, damaged goods character who's walking into the lion's den and doesn't even know it.
In fact, he thinks he's walking into the candy store to go back to the child.
You say he's like a child.
To me, he's in desperate need of a friend.
He really, really needs a friend.
So he takes these leaps
throughout the film like maybe she'll be my friend maybe this person i i wish there was someone in my
life in addition to just mom uh i'm going spoiler free on as best i can so he makes some like bad
interpersonal decisions because he's taking risks to make people like him. And that also, in the comedy scene, though,
like, I predicted exactly what was coming
in the movie Delivered Without Surprises,
and I waited for the end of that, too.
Oh, but they didn't.
They don't show you what happened, you know?
You see him choking, literally, literally choking
because of his condition,
but you see the girl's reaction, and that's And then you, but you, but you see
the girl's reaction and that's all that matters, you know, to me, like if, if, if I'm going on
stage and I'm doing this thing and I've brought a girl who I don't really know very well and,
and I'm bombing, man, as long as she's happy, you know, I, I, this is, this is,
this is a major win, like, like winning over the crowd, that would be good. But if I can win,
if she likes my sense of humor,
maybe I'm not so off after all.
You know, I was really happy for him
when the girl liked his comedy.
I was like...
And then you were very...
When you see what happens...
We already said there are going to be spoilers.
There's going to be a skipping section, so we can say...
When you see what happens with the girl,
you know, that's pulled out from
under you yeah yeah um i i highly suggest that you go watch this movie if you guys haven't seen it
it's uh it's very good very very good it's not nearly as violent as i was told it would be
i don't understand all of those critics who were like oh this is gonna bring down society this is
gonna inspire these these horrific mass shootings or like this is gonna bring down society this is gonna inspire these these horrific mass
shootings or like this is gonna this is a movie for incels no no none of that the the violence
was like seven out of ten maybe like like if a 10 is like hostile if it's literally like torture
porn is a 10 i didn't see anyone like being eviscerated or like disemboweled.
You know,
there was no,
there was no,
there was no body parts on the floor.
Nobody exploded.
You know what?
So what,
everything Kyle said is right.
And I agree with having said that,
that Joaquin Phoenix did pain so well and sadness,
it made a little violence worse right like you
can kick a guy in the i don't know if you kick your hero in the belly in the back and whatever
and he dusts himself up and carries on then it's a different kind of like ah they didn't even get
him with the joker they get him good you know and i mean he's he's beat one thing that that leads
into a point i was going to make,
I had expectations of it being a little more of a superhero movie.
Now, I'm fully aware that Joker can't fly or have super strength or anything,
but neither can Batman, and he's his sort of nemesis.
I thought the Joker would be, you know, human plus of some sort.
I saw a theory about that, who knows if first of all the
worst part about the joker was trying to convince one of my retard friends that it wasn't all a
dream sequence he was like i think the whole thing was a dream sequence and i'm like dude that
doesn't make any fucking sense how is that possible how could it all and he's like dude just think
about it and that was the only he got you
i was like i was like damn it you know i i haven't looked into it you're right
oh shit what was i gonna say oh fuck i'm retarded uh sequence it was in a reference to me saying
joker's not a superhero oh oh the theory that I saw that I thought was kind of interesting was, and this is spoilers, people. So at the final part of the film, where he is in the cop car,
and the crash happens, and the other clowns pull him out and whatever. I heard people saying,
and then you see the big bad clown who saved him get out, go to the alley and that famous scene happens
with the Waynes as always
I heard people being like
I don't think that Joaquin Phoenix
is the Joker
I think Joaquin Phoenix's character
inspired the Joker who was that guy
who was orchestrating the escape
and then went and
I know it is
I don't know did the guy that pulled him out of the cop car I think he's referring to the and then went and killed a different guy. I know it is.
Did the guy that pulled him out of the cop car? I think he's referring to the...
There's two clowns that we see there at the end. There's the one who's driving
the ambulance, who crashes into the police car.
And then there's, of course, the clown who goes
and kills the Waynes.
Those are two completely different characters.
The clown who killed the Waynes was leaned up against a building
with a pistol showing from a shoulder
holster. And obviously the other clown, uh, was driving the ambulance, then pulls Joaquin
out of the, uh, ambulance and then stands there and waits to see if he comes to, um, Joker's the
Joker a hundred percent. Uh, that's my opinion on the matter. Um, he's the guy who is maniacal
enough to, to become the Joker, like, like not just some guy who's inspired. Um, and, and, you know, as far as it,
super hero movie,
um,
you know,
the Joker was never Batman's physical equal in any way.
You know,
the Batman spent years and years training to be that.
And he wears,
you know,
he wears $50 million worth of technology and armor and stuff.
But the, he's the Joker's about that.
You,
we saw the joker superpower though
when he stood on that thousands and thousands of people rallying to his cause batman can't do that
batman batman is batman is hunted and he tries as hard as he can and people don't appreciate him
for some reason he's the anti-joker yeah the Joker is just failing throughout. He's failing up.
Yeah, that's kind of funny when you think about it in that lens.
And I know he was never Batman.
He didn't have the suit and all that.
He wasn't as physically equal.
I follow.
I just thought like, gosh, he's an ant to our human.
He's just so...
Look, I don't want to pump up my tires too much here, but all of us could beat
up that Joker. I don't know.
Definitely not with all his Joker friends, though.
Three young men attack him on the subway.
They didn't come out too well for them.
You know,
every situation he's in...
They were doing fine at first.
At first, you know.
He had a gun, Kyle!
That's the Joker.
The Joker always has a gun.
That's why he's not in the opening scene.
You know, every scene he's in, after those kids beat him up, he comes out physically on top.
That gentleman who's in his apartment is an enormous human being.
You know, it didn't matter.
who's in his apartment is an enormous human being,
you know,
it didn't matter.
It, you know,
it,
it ended with that man's head splattered on the wall over and over and over
and over.
That was a brutal scene.
I got towered over him.
Like,
like,
I don't know how large that actor is.
I I'm familiar with that actor.
I've seen him in a few other things.
I think he was in the season of that.
Um,
the guy from SNL who does the Barry,
I think he was in a season of Barry.
I think he's like the Albanian mob leader or something like that.
That guy's enormous compared to Joaquin,
who isn't a giant man by any means.
I would guess he's like 5'10 or something.
In that movie, 140 pounds?
If that, yeah.
So can what?
Yeah.
It's a shocking...
I think the superpower of Joker is the unpredictability and the mayhem and the quick escalation of
situations.
He's an agent of chaos.
Yeah.
He's an agent of chaos.
He's completely unpredictable.
But at the same time, he has a plan.
The plan just doesn't make any fucking sense to the rational mind.
If you go back through the comics and look at some of the stuff he would do,
he breaks all the rules that even a comic book villain
would normally not do the things that he does.
I can't recall the name of the graphic novel,
but he goes,
were you familiar with Commissioner Gordon?
The guy who's,
he goes and kidnaps Commissioner Gordon's hot daughter
and he shoots her in the spine first thing and then he strips
her naked and starts taking pictures of her all crippled and naked and then he's got the pictures
there to show commissioner gordon while he's tied up and going through this like crazy maze of
insanity that is not nice and then batman sees it and and j like, Joker wants Batman to kill him.
It's a win for him if Batman will stoop to his level finally and murder him.
That's how much of an agent of chaos he is.
Like a win for him as if Batman would kill him.
That sounds really great.
I wish that was in the movie.
You're going to have to kill me
or I'm going to keep licking my chapped lips.
Yeah, and I'm stressing.
I'm over focusing on like the for the
purpose of discussion the parts of it i like the movie i just it wasn't a masterpiece and i uh i
felt like the movie was the same thing for an hour and 50 minutes and then i thought it was so
so different in tone and pacing of movies that you usually see that it kept me really engaged.
It's the best thing DC's ever
made. You keep expecting it to
pop off and get crazy
and then it'll just get sadder.
I loved how sad it was.
Generally, the top of DC is the first
two Batmans
on the reboot, I should say. But I haven't
seen them for a long time.
My opinion over those has definitely changed over the years. On the reboot, I should say. But I haven't seen him for a long time, so cut me some slack on that.
My opinion over those has definitely changed over the years.
You know, when I was a kid, I watched the first Star Wars remake, you know, the Clone Wars.
And I was like, oh, that was cool.
Same here.
Look at him in that pod racer.
That was so cool.
I want a pod racer toy.
And Jar Jar, he's so funny.
It worked.
You know, I was like nine,
I was like 11,
maybe 12 or something.
And since I,
my,
my tastes have matured and I,
and I now recognize that for the dumpster fire that it is.
And to some extent,
I feel the exact same way about the Nolan trilogy,
especially the third one.
I think that the first one starts off pretty well.
It's,
it's,
it's a little slow,
and they take a while before you get any Batman,
but the first one is okay.
The third one is garbage,
and the second one would have been somewhere in the middle
were it not for Heath Ledger's incredible performance.
The second one was the best of the trilogy.
Absolutely it was,
and Heath Ledger is the only
reason that it's regarded so highly he won i believe he won a posthumous oscar for that
yeah he should have but he should be a good job i don't think he does but i think you're right
about the heath ledger carrying like he was
yeah we all know it's you but i don't say that He was a fine man.
Where's the Joker?
That was the previous movie.
I've got a lot of head injuries.
I'm tired of these people with speech impediments.
Yeah, you want to talk about a one-note character.
It's those Batman.
It's Batman.
It's Christian Bale as Batman. There was that one time he lost a fight against uh bane he didn't cry he never teared up he was just like snap my vertebrae
back in i'm still talking like that i'm a batman that was really dumb in the third one where
apparently all of new york city all every gang, no guns for the final fight.
Gotham?
Just, yeah, in Gotham,
where they're like, when he's walking over
and he's got his fucking vest on, Bane,
his CPAP, and he's marching through the streets.
I need a new CPAP.
That's cool.
That would be cool.
He's like, Woody, there's something making noise in the house.
Not for long.
That's great.
Those green pipes and shit.
The final battle was like punching
and really badly choreographed.
So bad.
Bane would take a big
nonsensical wind up
and then batman goes oh i need to see it again
it's been ages not very good yeah it's the it's the fight choreography and the third one is is
horrible and and look the fight choreography in general i think when batman specifically is
fighting i think is very limited by the suit yeah and i think that that's done
intentionally in the first movie and it's explained away it's like well hey even tells um uh morgan
freeman's character he's like i need to turn my head this isn't i'm having to like turn my whole
body like a goddamn like like like i don't know what animal has to turn their whole body to turn
their head i was gonna say when i trained jiu-jitsu yeah yeah you sure you wouldn't prefer a watch you can aim at someone and give them an unwanted erection it's like no
i just want to be able to turn my head like it's like you're a fucking mad man more for me
yeah it's i think those movies at yourself might have been rated really high because like they're
coming off the the uh the backs up and looking for the expression
that they're on the tale of the superman movies which were like silly and dumb and just gay
right so batman comes along and it's like whoa gritty superhero like this is really great we
didn't expect this um i don't know i've got strong feelings about the batman series and
you know the the first uh the first two, I like a lot.
I like Batman and Batman Returns with Michael Keaton in the first one.
I think it might be in the second one, too.
I really like those Batman movies.
I think Jack Nicholson does an incredible job as the Joker.
That's a really good Joker.
And then in the second one, you've got DeVito playing the fucking Penguin
with that black blood coming out of his face.
Those are directed by... Oh, what's his name that does the really dark stuff um tim burton uh
and michelle pfeiffer i think is cat woman in that sexy fucking suit like like i like those
i like those movies a lot um it was after those that the studio was like um the kids are wondering
what that black stuff coming out of penguin's mouth is we're getting a lot of a lot of pushback from parents on that we're we're not selling any toys
all right and they just went goofy and silly with it and you've been schwarzenegger is mr freeze i
remember i'm the freeze they interviewed him and they're like dude we're doing the batman what do
you think this and that he's like well this set is really cool
it paid me so much it's amazing it's like i think he knew he was making a terrible movie while he
was making it that's his subtle warning like well that all the the sets are like you're quite tall
okay there's a scene there's a scene in that movie where mr freeze's henchmen are fighting
batman and robin and batman and robin have nipples on their suits for some reason and and and his
henchmen are ice hockey players and mr freeze has frozen the floor of the whole place and turn it
into an ice hockey arena essentially and batman and robin have like a i'm pretty sure i'm not making this up maybe i'm
dreaming but i'm pretty sure they push a button and ice hockey skates shoot out of their boots
and they were equipped for that that was one of those scenarios i want to be batman
but i want to have full aerial
you thought it was only because i didn't want to pay for skate rental and so they skate around and they're not just skating because that would like that kind of
looks silly when you skate barehanded they've got sticks they've got hockey sticks and i'm
pretty sure that batman is shooting the enemy men into a hockey net and there might even be
a scoreboard i like to think he retards grenades.
There might even be a scoreboard.
Kyle says this, I'm like, yeah, I think that's
right. I think that's right.
Yeah, there might have been.
Man, the more you're describing this
movie, the more nine-year-old
me, who thought Mr. Freeze was so
tits, is
realizing I was even more of a retard
than I am now. Batman Forever, all those.
You know who hated the Joker movie?
Jared Leto.
Because he
is sandwiched between two of the
best performances in cinematic
history in the same character.
Heath Ledger fucking
killed it. Joaquin Phoenix killed
it. And I actually saw Suicide
Squad and it was
embarrassingly bad yeah he's had he has damaged tattooed on his forehead his tattoos are ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha was jared bad i needed a lot more good okay so i i tried to watch the suicide
squad twice but i never stayed awake the entire time.
Telling, maybe.
Indicative.
Yeah, but I wanted more Joker in it.
It seemed like they cut most of his parts.
I don't know if it was related to his performance. It was the opposite.
They added more of him to it than there originally was.
A good part of that movie was that cool crocodile character.
DC is such a fuck-up.
DC fucked everything up so badly. They're looking over there at Marvel, part of that movie was that he just crocodile character dc is such a fuck up you know dc dc
fucked everything up so badly you know they're looking over there marvel who has spent so much
time laying groundwork with think about iron man's got three fucking movies captain america three
fucking movies thor three fucking movies they're about to make a black widow movie three i don't
know there's like nine spider-man with three reasons but yeah yeah yeah like like there's
even a couple of incredible
hulks depending on which which one you want to recognize is the real one they're just like no
we need a justice league we need batman versus superman they immediately want to go to the
mashup instead of establishing anyone's civil war right out of the gate yeah they immediately
want to like get as all of their characters in there so when they do that you're like
okay so i guess that guy's the flash all right which version of the flash is that because i They immediately want to get all of their characters in there. So when they do that, you're like,
okay, so I guess that guy's the Flash.
All right, which version of the Flash is that?
Because I know there's like four or five.
Is that Barry?
I'm not really even sure.
He's quirky.
He's funny.
They're trying to do a Spider-Man thing.
Okay, okay.
I don't care if he dies or not.
Of course, he won't die because he's the main character.
Oh, that's Aquaman.
Oh, yeah, I remember Khal Drogo.
Okay, Aquaman. Yeah.
You look like you'd be very buoyant,
but all right.
It baffles me how all these Marvel... Almost all these
Marvel movies are so good. I know
Iron Man 2 maybe was
bad. I forget. Or 3. 3 is
garbage. Okay, then it's 3.
And I want to say the first two
thors were just okay whereas i thought the third one was very good but uh like basically if you
throw a dart at a marvel movie it turns out pretty good yeah how do they keep doing that
because it's not the same directors it's not the same there's a lot of it's uh it's that kevin
fagy guy the guy who's like the yeah he's the guy in the background making the big decisions.
He's the coach of the team.
You don't have a defensive coordinator without the –
or maybe he'd be more like the general manager.
He's making all the big hiring decisions.
He's probably the one who picked the lady who does the casting
because casting is so important in those movies,
and they've done such an amazing job at casting.
Where do you see the – Oh, sorry, you had more.
Yeah, Marvel's not, not,
Marvel movies are different than this movie, big time.
Like this Joker, I feel like is more of an arthouse movie.
You know, it's a little highbrow.
If you're going in there wanting a bunch of explosions
and, you know, somebody flying around
and a bunch of like qui of one-liners.
You've got that guy from New Zealand
whose name is
Tippy Mukaka
who directed Ragnarok.
Tippy Mukaka,
my favorite director.
Let me look up his real name. I bet I'm not all that far off.
I'm with Kyle.
Joker is
on track. I think I saw saw something maybe this isn't still
the case his name was taika watiti that sounds really similar to what you said i was not that
far off that far off but joker like apparently people are loving it because i think it's still
on track to be the biggest r release ever yeah i look overtake Deadpool. It was off by like $3 million.
And it's not been out
very long.
It's got to run right by it.
Oh, and then, before Kyle,
the movie cost $68 million to make,
which is somewhat exaggerated in its cheapness because
they didn't include the advertising budget.
But call it about $100 million-ish.
That is very good.
Because these Marvel movies are like
a quarter billion.
Like tons of money.
So this thing was less than half of a movie
and it's probably going to
go to $800 million in sales or something.
I hope Joaquin...
It's like as profitable as End Wars was.
No, the first one.
It's as profitable as Infinity War.
Okay, Infinity War.
I'm glad. I'm glad that it's been such success. war okay infinity war yeah yeah it's uh i i'm glad i'm glad
that it's it's it's been such success i hope it brings more eyes to it um i you know i i went
during the middle of the day so it was just uh there were three couples in there and i was one
of them and uh the rest of the people were black um you know how that goes. Get him, Joker!
I don't think Joker's racist in any way.
No, no. They were talking during the movie.
That's what I was going for. They were talking!
Yeah, that's get him, Joker. That's me talking.
They were laughing at inappropriate times.
I was just like, hey, it's not funny!
There's a part where he pulls the pillow
out from under his mother's head
and her head flops back.
It's like, oh shit, what's's about to happen and the guy's like
fucking kidding me right now come on man the fuck six people in the theater and you had to
deal with talking that's so funny at least they weren't sitting next to me they were far enough
away i i picked a shitty theater i thought I had picked one I'd gone to before,
but it was a shitty theater.
The seats didn't recline.
They rocked.
They had that built in.
They didn't have that thing where you can hit a button
and be like, chicken nuggets, please.
No, they didn't.
But I found this place in Atlanta.
I'm going to get the name of it
because I might even link it and show you what this place is. It's incredible. Talk about this in another show. You can go to Atlanta. I'm going to get the name of it because it's I might even link it and show you
what this place is. It's incredible.
You can go to Atlanta
that's in range?
Yeah.
The whole northern third of Georgia
is somewhere I can go to.
It's my kingdom.
I couldn't put Atlanta on a map of Georgia.
It's in the northern third.
I would have put it
bottom center right. I don't think. It's in the northern third. Okay. I would have put it like bottom center right, kind of.
I knew it was somewhere in Georgia.
I can't find it.
But there's a.
Atlanta, Georgia.
I've got that down pat.
I knew it's sometimes called Hotlanta.
Yeah.
It's warm there.
I'm sure of it.
But there's a theater in Atlanta that does have all the food and it's it's you know like
steak and and lobster and like cocktails and coffee and next level yeah i don't want people
cutting on on plates with silverware while i'm watching a movie do they plan that out do they
give you foam plates or something like do they have a plan i would hope so but can you imagine
how annoying that is if some guy's scraping his knife, eating his pork chop?
Just a million fork
against plate taps would make me
crazy.
Popcorn
is too loud of a snack for movies.
Really?
Well,
when I went to Deadpool
years ago, whatever it was,
I think it was because the guy next to me chewed his mouth
open. Yeah, you really gotta be
munching that stuff up.
Age 20 years,
you won't hear it at all.
Yeah. 20 years from now,
I probably couldn't even turn my head and see him.
I'll just be feeling. I'll be reading
Braille to know what the movie's...
Well, I guess I can still hear.
But yeah, a little. I loved it it i thought it was a great movie i i would see it again
right now it was i'm sure i missed stuff oh i haven't seen el camino and because i didn't
realize it was a netflix movie until yeah i haven't seen it either but i'm like you know
well i guess i'll choose joker i could have seen El Camino. It's right on my, anything I own, really.
Yeah, yeah.
I honestly, I didn't want to see it.
You weren't blown away?
Yeah, no, I don't want to see it.
I just don't care.
Like, I've passed over it several times.
I would rather watch just about anything.
I'm about to get in on the Watchmen series on HBO that has premiered.
You know, I believe it's a new series from HBO.
I'm not 100%, but I think it's sort of a sequel to the movie
that you and I kind of like, Woody.
It's a few years after.
Because in the end of that movie, Rorschach mails his journal in
to that newspaper, and then the movie ends.
But what's implied is that everything that was
that he's been he's been narrating the whole movie he knows everything about that about how
like there's that big plot to destroy the world and all that stuff he knows the superheroes are
behind it and he exposed he's exposing everything and the fear was that that was just going to ruin
the whole world well he did it i think is the whole premise
of the next movie because he's uncompromisingly good but like a mean kind of good and he's
uncompromising anyway he has morals and they're uncompromising and he takes it to the dials it
up to 11 and sometimes you know there's little white white lies that are for the baddest, for everyone's best.
Exactly.
He's like, everyone can't know this, Rorschach.
Let's just tell a lie, and everybody will be happy.
I never lie.
But you realize that makes everyone happy,
and people die.
Price of the truth.
Let them die.
I don't care.
Look at my cool-ass mask.
Kyle has this gift.
Kyle can describe a fucking lame episode of Star Trek from 1996,
and Kyle's description is better than the episode was.
He's making me want to see Watchmen.
The Watchmen was all right.
Well, now it's going to be a series,
which I like better than movies so much more anyway.
Imagine if the funding had been there and this Joker movie we just watched had been a series
and that every day were an episode
and like an eight-part miniseries.
That would have been so fucking good.
I hope they don't make a sequel.
Now, I will say that.
I hope there's no sequel to this movie.
I don't think Joaquin Phoenix does sequels.
Wait. Help me follow. You don't want a sequel to this i don't think walking phoenix does sequels wait you're wait i help me follow
you don't want a sequel to joker no absolutely not no this needs to be a standalone all by itself
uh on universe like this needs to be like um the the wolverine movie where um called logan you know
this needs to be set aside all on its own, on an island, within the universe, but set apart.
Because this movie is an origin story.
And again, I'm on my own island with this.
To me, I suffered through this origin story.
This next one better be good.
They'll never top the first one.
There's no way they could do a second Joker movie movie i don't think and top what they did because so much so much of
what makes this good is um you know watching him go through all of that and become who he becomes
like like i don't know how the second one even makes any sense so here's my thought i'm wrong
it's joaquin phoenix stirs joker sequel buzz where the character can go is endless so i guess he
might be kyle uh criticized the dc universe for not doing what marvel did which is you'll lay the
groundwork i'm hoping they took his advice two years ago whenever they started this you know
this is the groundwork they're laying and it can be be great. It can be gritty. It can be happy. It can be somewhere.
It can be various like Marvel is.
But they're finally like nailing somebody's origin story.
And it's not fucked up in the way that like Justice League was.
If they do a sequel of it, which I'd be fine with.
I think it's great as a standalone movie.
If they do a sequel, I'll definitely see it.
Because I like the first one so much but i hope they don't do a sequel all the way to when batman is an adult i hope they would do a sequel where it's more like watching the joker and his clown minions
have the run of the place and and just trash shit and just kind of his mayhem before there's anyone
batman's like an incompetent 19 and a half year old like I wish
I could do something
he's more like maybe he's like 14
he's like trying to you know he's
watching it on the news and developing a hatred
and you know maybe that's
Batman's little origin story in their universe
where he watches the Joker's mayhem and he's waiting
until he gets old enough until he can do something about it
it was the parents dying in the alley
monster wine when are you going to get over that until he gets old enough until he can do something about it. It was the parents dying in the alley.
Master Wine, when are you going to get over that?
Never!
Every day.
Why do you talk like that at home?
That's all I care about.
You're from Gotham.
Why is that accent?
No one else can possibly have the tools and opportunities you have, Mr. Wine. It's not a very convincing character.
That's unbelievable. You're 14, Mr. Wine. It's not a very convincing character. That's unbelievable.
You're 14, Mr. Wine.
Stop.
Just quit it.
Eat your fucking toast.
Did you ever watch the Gotham TV show?
I watched some of it, but I never got sucked in.
I watched far too much of it.
It was not very good.
Did it start good, Kyle?
Did it start well?
Yeah, it starts out good but
it it falls into this pattern where it's you you quickly realize like oh shit these are the main
characters they're invincible no one can no one on screen is ever going to die so no matter what
scenario you throw them in like have no fear just because the penguin really has it out for this
person. Don't worry. Because normally what the penguin does is he walks in the room and blows
your brains out, like, like, and just, just laughs about it. And they drag your body away, but don't
worry. He won't do that to these characters ever. He'll come in and give a big speech, throw them in
the trunk of a car, drive them to the water's edge. And then some, somebody will come in and give a big speech, throw him in the trunk of a car, drive him to the water's edge, and then somebody will come in and swoop in and save the day.
Don't worry.
It's not going to happen.
So you just quickly realize that, okay, the Penguin can't die.
Bruce Wayne can't die.
Catwoman can't die.
Alfred's not going to die.
And there's like half a dozen more characters that are like, Harvey's dad's not going to die.
Is the Penguin a super villain, or is he just a guy with connections?
He's very similar to the uh the joker you know so no powers just like the ability to rally people behind him
and he's uh he's a he's you know he's literally crippled uh and he's a bit of a criminal
mastermind and in the the comics you know his his one really cool thing that sort of elevates him
above other people is he's got that umbrella that has lots of gadgets in it.
He's got like an inspector gadget umbrella. Depending on which version you're
watching, in some versions he's just got like a whole fucking closet full of those motherfuckers
and each one does a different thing. But in a lot of them, the one umbrella can do like
15 different things. How many times can you bamboozle an
opponent with an
umbrella before it gets out on the street they're like yeah dude he fucked a bunch of guys up with
an umbrella next time he comes over to your clubhouse to talk about gang shit make him
leave the umbrella and that little thing that george costanza steals them from in the front
of coffee shops i forgot about that he he's like i don't even understand
why people buy umbrellas you can get them for free in the coffee shop those belong to people
yeah but that yeah you're totally right do you ever do right about that
what what else what else can you steal like that in real life that you never technically would have
to buy one if
you just go about kind of a normal life and you just pick them up as you go coats come to mind
notice coats are often just hung on racks you could even go to a fancy restaurant and just go
to the coat checker and be like yeah that one that one's mine lost my ticket but that fur one looks
that one over there that one over over there. That big fur one.
Size two women's coat.
You don't remember me coming in looking like a Siberian husky?
I identify as a 110-pound Asian woman.
Give me that.
I identify as someone who owns that fucking coat.
Are you one of the people?
I know you travel a little bit, Taylor.
Do you steal from the hotel? I don't know if you call it stealing. Do you ever take the mini sh know you travel a little bit taylor do you steal from the the
hotel i don't know if you call it stealing do you do you ever take the mini shampoos the soaps
the pillows no never i hate their their shampoo quality is terrible so i was like i don't even
know if you call it stealing and my head went straight to their fucking towels kyle and they're
not included in the bill but and i'm like, oh, the shampoos. Of course I take those.
I was like, that's what kind of...
Hey, I use Holiday Inn shampoo.
This doesn't just happen.
You know the little zipper part of like most suitcases have for toiletries?
I keep them in there because I stay in hotels that sometimes don't
come with shampoo and when you have told that story so many times yeah i've told that story
so many times but once more for for the music scott and i stayed in this shit tier motel in
texas one time and we went in and there was no shampoo or soap and scott was like what the fuck
man like he was going to take a shower first he like comes out wrapped in towel he's like there's no soap and shampoo and i'm like wow shit i i have
some from the last hotel in my bag and i went and got it and i gave him you know the little three
ounce shampoo and the little mini bar of soap wrapped in paper and uh and he uses it and
everything and so the next and then i use it you And then the next day, we go out hunting out into the wilderness of Texas.
And then that night, we return to our motel.
The cleaning lady took it.
I like that.
She took it and threw it away.
This is a no-cleaning hotel establishment, Kyle?
I was shocked.
I was so angry.
And also the washcloths that were hanging from the rack like ready to be used
by us like seemingly fresh washcloth you ever cut yourself shaving and then blot it with a cloth
you know that that telltale blood spatter pattern you get it's all over the white washcloth and you
guys hadn't shaved no no no no neither one of us shaved with a razor anyway we both use beard
trimmers there's someone else's blood is on our washcloths on day one.
I'm pretty sure.
These will teach you to bring the Marriott soap here.
I think you can only get AIDS if you get into the blood right away.
You're cool.
It wasn't about the AIDS.
It was about not wanting their blood on me at all.
I prefer to stick to my own blood.
Call me old fag.
The lower your standards are the
happier you'll be words now that's true that's that's true but that that's you can't argue with
that that's not bad um yeah that's where i i usually take it and uh save it for the sometime
i need it yeah i i used to do that, but I stopped when I realized it was just garbage,
garbage soap,
especially their soap is the worst soap on the planet.
Holiday Inn.
Um,
what is it?
Yeah.
Holiday Inn.
Their soap has a distinctive stink to it.
Like,
like I remember I washed my face with it once and the whole day I was like,
what is that?
What is that?
Horrible.
Oh,
it's my upper lip.
I'm smelling my face and it smells terrible.
I had to wash the soap off of me with real soap that night.
And it's not like I use some fancy foo-foo soap.
I use Irish Spring.
This soap was disgusting though.
Holiday Inn needs to work on their soap game.
You got to get yourself in the six-in-one
camp with me
where you just buy the cheapest,
biggest container.
There's like a
row of them at CVS
and I'll just look and it'll be like,
suave, two-in-one, two-in-one,
two-in-one, three-in-one?
I just buy the three and one every time
a shampoo conditioner and body wash you're like this isn't beard oil at all i'll show you
don't even have to watch your whole body because my rationale in the shower is you clean your head
you clean like your torso and then the cleanliness goes down. It's like washing a car.
As you're rinsing it, it cleans your ass.
It's science.
You have to clean your ass.
You know some people don't clean their assholes in the shower?
I clean the inside just for fun.
I like to get as deep as possible in my ass.
That's what the toilet brush is for.
Jim Norton talked about that years ago on his fucking Anthony show with Patrice O'Neill on there.
And Jim was like, yeah, when I wipe my ass, I don't just like to get my hole clean.
I'll reach in a little bit and make sure the actual hole is clean.
And Patrice is like, do you not realize how fucked up you just said it?
Howard Stern's the exact same way.
Howard Stern explains how he wipes his ass,
and he gets those baby wipes out,
and he's getting up into the hole.
He explains that very well.
He's very big on cleanliness.
He's still like, I canceled my SiriusXM.
I couldn't do it anymore.
I'm done with Howard Stern. I couldn't do it anymore. I'm done with Howard Stern.
I don't like the interviews.
I liked the stuff from the early 2000s and the 90s and shit
where he was just a wild man.
Can I interrupt real quick on that topic?
Do you think his show got worse or,
and this happens a lot and people don't recognize it,
the show stayed as good,
but you just heard it so many times.
At this point, you could tell me what Howard would say.
No, it was a huge format shift.
Okay.
And he acknowledges that it was a massive format shift.
They hired that Marcy lady to take Gary DeLaBate's job.
The entire show made a huge format shift intentionally away from quite so much crass, politically incorrect humor and toward more interviews and and it became
this uh perpetual cycle of like wow the the less crass stuff we do the bigger the celebrity
interviews we can get and the bigger celebrity interviews we get the more bigger celebrity
interviews you can get and it just kept going until there was very little you know i remember
when they do horrific things like like have a guy who had a dead arm use it as a ping pong paddle with another guy who had a dead arm.
And they play ping pong with their dead arms.
And, you know, they have the game called Dumber Than a Box of Rocks with three strippers.
And every time you got a question wrong, you had to say, I'm dumber than a box of rocks.
They'd have girls sit on the Sibian, which is a big sex toy that's
basically put into
a horse saddle type thing.
It's crazy vibrations.
They'd make these women orgasm live on
the air and naked in front of them all.
Girls would be deep-throating
kielbases and wearing massive
strap-ons, literally
the size of my arm, and swinging them,
hitting ping-pong balls.
The interviews were actually my favorite part, though they were crass interviews though so the way that he would take celebrities outside their comfort zone was interesting to me he had
britney spears on this is a while ago obviously and he got her to talk about money they were like
she had made some like financial mistakes and was like doing some film but she didn't know what to look
for and howard like you know gotcha gotcha gotcha here and she learned a lot and that was really
interesting to me he had i forget who but some hottie from like 90210 and uh he's asking them
about you know their masturbation habits uh he's saying that you know she should fuck him and when
she says no he's saying convincing stuff like,
I'm not afraid of your period.
And it was cool to see him interact with a star of the day.
I don't know who would be equivalently as big right now.
Shannon Doherty probably was who it was.
I want to say it was a blonde one.
Tori Spelling?
Nope.
There's only so many girls on that show.
I know, but you're actually missing the one.
I'm surprising myself as I name one did melrose place later uh i get those confused anyway those
girls were probably on that show it's not important but uh super hot you know a star of
the day on television and uh and yeah he took him to a place they wouldn't otherwise go and he had
this like persuasive disarming way. He had Christopher Cross on,
which most of you probably don't know who he is,
but he sang that song sailing,
take me away.
And that guy was actually a really good interview.
And he was talking about all the fancy fucked and shit like that.
And,
and the fact that he could get people who,
you know,
maybe a little more straight laced to stop being straight laced or,
you know,
talk about the things they wouldn't normally share was a talent.
Yeah.
I think a lot of times they were doing that because they were in a pickle anyway
and they really needed the advertising that he was giving them.
But anybody who had a good agent or good representation would steer them away from the Stern show.
But now, obviously, he gets absolute A-listers from Robert Downey Jr.
Chiz actually sent me a book of Howard Stern's.
His third book, which just came out is nothing but
his interviews like it's the transcripts from his interviews and between each interview there's a
part where he's like hey this is where I interviewed um Sandra Bullock yeah I didn't know I didn't know
much about her going in I was a big fan of her and he like breaks it down for varying lengths of text
sometimes it's just two paragraphs sometimes it's a whole page um and it's his interviews it's dozens of interviews is the ones that he thought were
his best interviews ever and like i said it's the transcripts of those and i'd heard a lot of them
but i was in jail so i had thought i'd read them again anyway yeah he had seinfeld on his show
and that was a really interesting dynamic.
I don't know if you'd call them rivals,
but they felt like it to me on the show,
so just know that.
Most of the time Howard interviews people,
or certainly all the time he interacts with the people that work for him,
he's so alpha.
Seinfeld comes in there,
and he is intimidated 0% by Howard Stern.
They're going back and forth, sort of taking jabs at each other.
And Seinfeld pokes at his failed late night TV show.
Like it was kind of a, you know, whatever, late night TV show, you know what it is.
And Howard's like, well, we didn't have the budget.
We could have been better.
He's like, yeah, right.
Underdog man is so much funnier with good lighting.
That was your problem.
And it's just like, holy holy smokes he shut Howard down like he alpha'd the fuck out of Howard Stern on Howard Stern's show
in his studio and uh you know it it's neat to see him interact with a guy like Seinfeld who
doesn't need him and you know is comfortable going toe-to-toe. Oh, man. I saw that I think...
What did I read?
It was one of the big sitcoms
was going somewhere. I think maybe
Seinfeld is going to Netflix.
Oh, great. As long as it's
still available. Seinfeld's going over
to Netflix. Like the full
category.
Or the full catalog, I should say.
Just how rich
Ken Seinfeld is. Take a guess
at how much that deal's worth.
$120 million.
$500 million.
I think it was like $800 million or something.
$500 billion.
$1 trillion.
$1 trillion.
Did he get $800 million for
Hulu?
Is he taking it off Hulu? Or is it now going to be on hulu i think it's i i so i think the way they do those deals it's it's like all right
hulu got it for five years for 800 million or something like that i'm just making numbers up
and and i think that's going to expire and then it's going to go to netflix i think what i read
was it was going to be like half a billion or 800 million
again for like three or four years of Seinfeld on Netflix.
I mean,
that's probably a worthwhile investment for them.
I've in the time that Hulu's had Seinfeld on there,
I probably rewatched the entire series three times,
at least twice.
You think that's 800 million off of you?
It's probably a worthwhile investment.
I've watched it for hours.
I haven't done a real
roi investment on their behalf but you know it it's one of those shows like it's perennially
great it's one of those shows that like it's a comfort show for a lot of people and you know
how it is like people just turn on those comfort shows for kyle seems to be usually the office
like you'll just throw the office on.
Yeah, I was watching
deleted scenes from the office right before
we got started here.
And they'll be in 4K, by the way.
Oh, I don't care about that.
Wait, 4K Seinfeld?
That's interesting.
I suspect it wasn't shot in 4K. I don't even know
if it's 16x9.
Well, if you shoot in film,
then it's well over 4 well if you shoot in film um then uh it's it's
well over 4k so they they just process it through a thing and it comes out they actually have to
downgrade it to get to 4k film goes bad i wonder how that film is from 20 years ago um well i mean
they did they they turned lawrence of arabia into 4k you know from like what when was when did that come out I do suspect most
of that digitally and they sharpen it and no no no it's a no with John that'd be a good episode
of Seinfeld is like the this Joker movie coming out and the whole time Kramer's like Jerry you
can't go to this movie there's going to be shooters it's going to it's going to make
people crazy it's like just a movie Kramer it's going to be fine. And then Kramer becomes
the one who gets influenced by the movie
and the episode ends with him painting his face.
That'd be a good Seinfeld.
I love that. Seinfeld got
dark after Taylor took over.
Wouldn't it be great if Kramer killed people?
Yeah, how about black people? He'd like
that. He wouldn't actually kill
people. It's Seinfeld. By the beginning of the next episode
he'd just be like, that clown face I was
in was crazy.
We know, we know, Kramer.
That's one show
that really did the
perfect job of leave them wanting more.
Oh, yeah.
I would kill for more Seinfeld.
But Taylor, he left all that money on the
table. Bad business.
Bad business, yeah.
If It's Always Sunny had ended three or four years ago,
they would have had the same effect.
Where you'd be like, God, come on, Sunny.
Please make more stuff now.
It's still good.
It's still much better than the average.
Have you seen this newest season?
I haven't.
I have not.
Is it shit?
It's not good.
I'll tell you this.
There's one episode where...
All right, so remember there was Mac Day where Mac got to do everything he wanted to do?
Well, they have D-Day.
For Dennis?
I hope thousands die.
And there's a part where Dennis is trying to sneak away to do his own scheme.
He's like, I got to take a shit.
Got to go.
And D's like, oh, okay, well, before you leave, take off your makeup. And he's like oh okay well before you leave take off your makeup and he's
like what what makeup oh i mean i got a little bit of concealer she's like yeah the concealer and
the hair paint and the tape behind your eyes and the tape behind your ears and
take it off and he's like but but and the next time you see Dennis, he is a ghoulish man.
He literally has tape back here, pulling his eyes back to make them look more young.
And he has tape without the tape behind his ears.
He has like Dumbo ears that like stick out from the sides and his hair is almost all gone.
And it looked, it almost all of it's gone.
It sounds funny.
There's like, it does sound funny.
He's got like a hairpiece and paint. That was the best scene of it's gone. It sounds funny. It does sound funny. He's got a hairpiece and paint.
That was the best scene of the whole episode.
There's 24 minutes and this was
60 seconds of it. D-Day was
a pretty good episode, but there's some real stinkers.
There's one where they get into
Airbnb and
Frank and
Charlie want hot
European women to come live with them on that bed.
Yeah.
And they end up with like a father and son from Austria.
And they're like, oh, God, what are we going to do?
They're all sharing that bed.
But then they realize they're like the Austrian versions of them.
Like the son is making those ridiculous sandwiches on the hot plate.
And the father doesn't have a toe knife.
He has a toe spoon.
And Frank's like, no, no, you need a knife.
You need a sharp edge to get that
scum out of there.
Oh, we've got
our guest joining us.
Can you hear us, Danny?
Excellent.
I cannot hear you
No
Normally we do this before the show
But now the listeners
Oh you're coming in
Sporadically
Little bursts of sound
We'll figure this
Figure this right out
Well hockey season's in full swing And uh we'll figure this right out.
Well, hockey season's in full swing, and
uh...
Basketball, too.
Yeah, basketball, too. It's too early for even me
to give that much of a fuck about
hockey.
Oh, he's gone.
I almost got the
formatting all fixed, and now it changed
again. You're a headless man, Taylor, but I'll formatting all fixed, and now it changed again.
You're a headless man, Taylor.
But I'll tell you what, your biceps are looking sweet.
Tell me more about your biceps.
Well, I work them all the time.
I'm more in for the kind of body that I look strong more than I am strong.
Yeah.
I mean, are there lots of heavy things causing you trouble around the house?
No.
No. No.
It's all about books.
Even my weakest groceries have been a cinch.
I know.
It's never been hard.
And doing random stuff around the yard, easy.
Yes.
Unless it's a tree.
Yeah, unless it's a tree.
But I got my stumps ground down and shit this week.
I had so many of those to do.
And the stumping was way cheaper than I thought.
The tree removal is going to be much, much more expensive than I thought.
It's going to be like a couple grand.
When you say tree removal, are you talking about trees that are still standing?
Yeah, there's a tree in my backyard that is like looming ominously like
it's got vines and shit all over it and so it's like you can see branches like dying at the top
and it's a big tree so it's been there for a fuck of a long time and it's it's gonna cost a couple
grand and it's like looming over my sunroom like if something happened it would just crush my
sunroom and part of my kitchen so not trying to do that mr danny mullen trying to work out his his tech shit hoping it gets
solved quickly because based on the video i watched of him he is hilarious and has a similar
sense of humor to all of us degenerates on this show yes yeah, which is what we look for in a friend. Who knows? Who knows?
It might just, maybe Danny and I get along so well. He invites me to his house and we hang out.
We pal around, we become friends, close friends. We experiment with one another. I leave my
girlfriend. We, you never know. I like the, where this is headed. Keep going. And if I become gay,
then there's another fun word I get to use all the time.
I see. Yeah, this ties into what I said a few episodes ago.
You get to say retard already, right?
That's true. You don't want to expand my horizons.
Finally, I can go back and restart YouTube like hey it's Taylor I'm gay
and Jewish and
retarded and
and black
and then I'll be able to say all the words
you look like Gary Coleman
I do
he says he might have solved
the problem not promising
not at all fucking promising He says he might have solved the problem. Not promising.
Not at all fucking promising.
We could hit him with an advertisement right now while we're waiting for Daniel. Sure, that sounds like a great idea, Mr. Taylor.
What Taylor meant was, I gotta take a piss.
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Can you hear us, sir? I can't hear you.
But you can hear me, and that's a good start.
He's working on it.
You know, Woody, I can't hear you.
Oh, that's why maybe he left i i press i have a cough button um yeah
every time he comes and like i fix the format and i'm sure that the whole everyone's watching
me like carefully get the boundaries center someone in their squares and then he goes and
he's just coming and going and i'm not it's tough on me yeah no worries we'll get it sorted out here in just a second you know i saw
or i was told rather i get word of mouth about what people are thinking and saying about the show
okay some people were saying they would like a road to modern warfare again and i thought about
this a lot okay and and look here's my thoughts. And I'll let the fan base bounce back.
And let me know what you think.
But I think that you guys look on that sort of thing with rose colored glasses.
When you think back to some of those times we did that.
And in case someone's not familiar with it, both of you, we would call retailers.
And we would try to bribe them to give us the video game early.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Yeah, it sounds like you've got one of those talky things because your voice box was taken from you from cancer,
but it's really malfunctioning poorly.
Oh, God.
Oh, this is good radio.
Yeah, I already find them amusing, so there's that.
It's so bad. bad yeah what could possibly be
causing this i've never heard this can you tap your mic i'm curious if it's even the right mic
it just makes squeaky i'm not sure yeah it
why would it do that is is your interface not plugged in all the way
maybe unplug and plug everything in i i'm i'm baffled
oh it's so bad it's it's so bad okay
see this is the sort of thing that i think that some people, like some hosts, for example, might be like, oh, no.
The fans are getting antsy.
They're not liking this.
Everybody's loving this right now.
This is hilarious.
And this is the good part of the modern warfare stuff, the road to modern warfare.
While I do think people have rose-colored glasses and they forget just how much time we just spent sitting on hold, at the same time. I, I've always felt like we made good radio out of those moments. You know,
when we were on hold for 10 minutes at a Walmart, I don't know, there were a bunch of little gags
and jokes and like one liners and quips that we made during those periods. I think I said something
like, maybe they transferred me to the produce guy for some reason you were headed there
and uh and i was asking him if he ever got laid at the walmart and i was like yeah i gotta get
that produce pussy and that you know i think we made a t-shirt out of that or something they
reminisced about that line on my live stream last night yeah i'm hilarious and so um but but but
seriously um i don't so i don't know how I feel about that.
On one hand, I think it's really shitty radio for the most part.
On the other hand, I think that we've traditionally been pretty good at making the most out of what I think a lot of people would leave as shitty radio.
So I think the solution is maybe do some sort of calls occasionally but that's just
not the gag anymore like like the truth is i don't think any of us here want the game early
and also like i think it comes out tonight at midnight i'm not sure okay well this is a non-issue
anyway but but but just to like i guess respond to some people's you know questions or concerns
regarding it anyway i don't think that's you know
none of us really want it and i think in this day and age like they've got like you can't even play
it early anymore i i think i think it's one of those things where like if you try to fire it up
the servers just wouldn't be online because we'd be playing on pc yeah anyway um so i it would be
kind of funny to like yeah yeah, I really want it.
I'll give you $1,000.
The game comes out in an hour and a half.
You want to give me $1,000?
Lame.
Yeah.
Are you going to get it?
Are you going to get it and play it?
I'm definitely going to get it and play it.
So I thought I'd mostly play it on a live stream.
And I think that my live streams are best when i pay more attention to the chat and the way that for example i used to play
domination back when i didn't suck i would ignore the chat for you know 15 minutes and then circle
back to it see what people are playing and then do my thing again. And it might be somewhat entertaining to watch me play back then,
but it's not now.
And I'm more interested in spec ops and the campaign.
Cause I guess that's where my gaming has evolved to.
Yeah.
I would regardless of,
you know,
streaming and stuff that the,
I would be more interested in the campaign and potentially the two V two
mode.
Some of my group of friends, they're really split on the game.
Some of them really want to get it.
And of those that do really want to get it and want me to get it to play with them,
they want to play 2v2.
That's always their response when I'm like,
I don't care about multiplayer, Call of Duty anymore.
You know, that's not my thing at all. Like, oh, but 2v2. And I'm like, I don't care about multiplayer, Call of Duty anymore. You know, that's not my thing at all.
Like, oh, but 2v2.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, that would be good.
That'll be you and me.
What about the rest of the gang?
You know, because we usually play at least a game
that'll include four of us.
And oftentimes we'll slip over to something
where we'll get like eight or 10 people involved
and we'll play like uh something on uh
tabletop simulator we play this game called code names that we all really enjoy uh it makes for
some a lot of fun it's a it's a real it's like a party game it's it's it's like a party game um
and uh some of us consider ourselves to be excellent at us at it and uh some of us are
not so good at it and people get very upset very upset you know
the other day i think um i think i was trying to get them to say means like like you know as
far as bueller would say if you have the means i highly suggest you pick one up to me means
means currency money and i said bitcoin because i also wanted them to pick electronic means, means, currency, money. And I said Bitcoin
because I also wanted them to pick electronic
and data or something like that.
I wanted to get a three-word clue in
and they didn't know that means meant currency.
And I'm furious with them.
I'm furious.
I'm furious.
I'm livid, frankly.
I'm so mad, so hot.
Coming in so hot. I would hang on to that because that
sounds healthy hot is i just saw some news on on twitter that nate diaz is out of ufc
oh yeah guess what guess what what he says are tainted supplements uh-huh nate ds he's out this is my nate ds face
okay okay okay okay okay there has nobody has ever been as anti-performance enhancing drugs
as nate ds he rips everyone you're on on steroids. You're on steroids. All you motherfuckers
are on steroids. And to be honest,
he passes the eye test. He doesn't look
like a perfect
specimen placed here by God himself.
He's obviously a professional athlete.
He looks fine, but you don't look at
him like you would a Tyrone Woodley or something like
that. Like, oh my God, the humans look like that.
Paula Costa.
Yeah, yeah. is it costa it
could be i don't know it is okay so um uh and the fact that he tested hot and he has the lame
oh by the way people in his gym have tested hot before right gilbert melendez comes to mind and
i think that he's not the only example so it was always a little like did you know your training
partners were doing steroids?
You're telling me you didn't know that?
These guys, they're not just training partners in the DS camp.
They're pros.
Yeah, they're probably doing steroids at the gym.
Well, Nate is famous for being the guy who's, you know,
one of his things he's always quoted as saying, you know,
everybody's doing steroids.
Everybody does steroids.
And I guess he meant it.
You know what?
He wasn't lying yeah uh we'll
see what comes out of it it's a shame it ruins the card uh it ruins the card it was a very
interesting thing them they doing a big card in madison garden in new york city and there wasn't
a championship fight not one because they were in an awkward place where they had Nate Diaz versus Jorge Masvidal.
Do I have that right?
Yeah, man.
And it's pronunciation.
I know the guy.
No, you nailed it.
That one's right.
Thank you.
And they couldn't put a championship on it because then obviously that would have to be the last fight.
And you didn't want a fight to go after this one.
So it anchors the card.
And there are no titles on it.
So are there any nearby title fights that can slide i don't know no i don't care about titles they're not that big of a deal it's always to me it's it's about honestly it's about name recognition
a little bit but but the name recognition stems from how much i like that guy it's not like oh
yeah i've heard of that guy it's like i not going to watch this because I've heard of you.
I'm going to watch because I've seen you fight and you did a good job and a
good job to mean to me means you're,
you're exciting.
You're an exciting fight or you're,
you're an exciting individual.
You know,
the,
the black beast comes to mind,
Derek Lewis,
you know,
he's great on the mic.
He's,
he's funny. He's like straightforward and honest. And he, like herick lewis you know he's great on the mic he's he's funny he's like
straightforward and honest and he like he comes in there you know 25 pounds 30 pounds overweight
just throwing bombs and and and just trying to smash you want to fight and for some reason
took his pants off so he's walking around his underwear and they interview him and they're like
why did you take your pants off?
I've never seen anyone just go to their underwear in the octagon.
My balls were hot.
You're close, but I think it's even funnier the way he said it.
My balls was hot.
There's a slight difference between my balls were hot.
He's not the kind of man who uses correct grammar. My balls were hot. He's not the kind of man who uses correct grammar.
Balls were hot.
No, his balls was hot.
He was exasperated from the ball heat.
There's no time for grammar.
Yeah, and guys like Yair Rodriguez.
I love Joe.
Joe's a fucking madman, you know, the way he would go in and smash.
Are you talking about Lozon?
Lozon, yeah, absolutely.
You know, like that's what he's known for.
He's known for going in there and putting on a fucking show for the fans.
Like he's got one gear and it's fucking full.
Win or lose, you'll like that fight.
Yeah, but titles make me pay attention to fighters.
And usually the more attention I pay to them, the more invested I am in watching them fight.
Yeah, I can be really into a good matchup.
You know, I don't want to get too,
too into the UFC talk or anything. I know not everyone loves it, but, but yeah, it's very
interesting that he tested positive. I wouldn't have guessed that because he is one of those guys.
It would be kind of like GSP testing positive. It's like, Oh no, not only does that make me
think somewhat less of you, but also like, I didn't think that you were one of them. I thought you were one of those, you know, you were that guy that didn't think that you were one of them i thought you were one
of those you know you were that guy that didn't need that shit because you're just so good and
so disciplined spent a career wishing there was more testing yeah and you know ds has spent a
career complaining about the the the guys that he's having to fight that are juiced up and you
know i bet if you asked him you know what do you think your record would be if there were no steroids in this game he'd be like oh shit i'd have never lost a fight if it
hadn't been for steroids you know connor's on them and this guy's on them and i but i beat connor
twice anyway you know and he's he's just such a like a an actual like uncouth gangster he and
masvidal have so much in in common because because they don't come off to me as bright.
They come off as cunning, but they don't come off as
bright. I listen to Taylor
speak, for example. Little pat on his head.
Bright guy. Very witty. Not these fellas.
I have an idea.
They can't turn a phrase.
It just occurred to me, I bet a million people thought of it already, but
Conor McGregor won in Jorge Masvidal.
Dana White says, no, he's too big for Conor.
Which, of course, Conor interprets as you can't beat him.
And he's like, the fuck, he is too big.
Okay, Conornor are you looking
for a fight we got an opening connor had an interview like yesterday the day before where
he's talking about you know what he wanted to fight on the december 12th card and then he wanted
to fight on one after that and the ufc kept saying no according to him but he said his next fight
announcement is coming soon that'd be that'd be so fucking cool if he stepped in whooped jorge and uh and you know that that would really throw him right back into the heat of
things because jorge's hot right now you could do what you always do not you but cowboy will step in
cowboy will always step in cowboy will always step in hang on man let me just give me that
budweiser trying to deflate my eye cowboy sounds like the coolest fighter yeah cowboy's a really interesting guy i want to say
it's like vice or gq or one of those youtube channels that does really interesting interviews
with celebrities but they have this series called like they have a celebrity on and they're like
what are the 10 things that you have to have
and it's almost like everyday carry but it sort of expands out to like you know cowboy was like
budweiser man you know i'm sponsored by budweiser and they said well if when you're sponsored by us
you can only drink budweiser and i said hell that's all i drink anyway just like that's really
genuine i believe a fighter sponsored directly by Budweiser.
So he's like,
here's the thing.
Small mini Snickers bars.
I keep them in the refrigerator that way.
Eat them a little bit more slowly.
And I enjoy them a lot.
You know,
I know I have to cut weight all the time,
but look at me.
It's not a problem.
I was inspired.
I put Snickers bars in my refrigerator.
Hasn't helped at all, shockingly.
I'm not a professional fighter.
Cowboy and Cerrone and I have a lot in common.
Yeah, we both have.
I deserve a Snickers, too.
I'm hungry.
I wait.
Let's go.
I need a Snickers.
Woody's like sitting at home with a Sniff Frozen Snickers and a Budweiser like,
I like these too.
I'm trading, honey.
And the Budweiser being like,
I got a case with some Snickers.
I'm going through these a lot faster than Cowboy does.
Yeah, that's an interesting thing.
I also saw that guy whose name,
Alex Hogg, the free climber.
He was on there.
Arnold Hanal?
Alex Hanal?
God damn it.
I hate when we do this.
His name Alex Climber?
Is that right?
His name's Alex.
Hanal.
Is he the YouTube guy?
Alex Hanal.
Yeah, well, he's all over YouTube because he free climbed that rock face.
That had never been free climbed before.
No rope and everything.
He's so autistic that when they get him on the show,
he's like, well, food, water.
I need those.
Those are definitely in my top 10.
I would say air, but it tends to be where I am already.
So I bring it
most one canister.
A lot of people throw the term
autistic. Oh, he's autistic. This guy's autistic.
Anytime somebody makes a social faux pas, they're autistic.
This guy literally
has Asperger's or something like that.
This guy's definitely 1,000%
on the spectrum.
You can just look into those eyes and you can tell.
This guy is
he's a little bit different than the average duck and and he's just like well yeah food and and
water that's in my top 10 must-have items and and rope i need rope and and shoes these are
literally on his list duct tape zip ties um his wallet was one of them you know because it has all my things in it you know my
it's got my my card for to go to go to go climb and is it because he does a solitary thing because
as you said that dude so i'm into swimming right or at least i was into swimming now i just follow
it now and then when like huge events happen and whenever they interview like a really elite level
swimmer right this is a person who
spent their face in the water since they were six years old hours a day they're socially weird all
of them so i watched this guy like win an olympic medal and he just wants to be anywhere else
anywhere anywhere but here everyone's looking at me can i just go back to my private place looking
at the black line on the bottom of the gold medal You just won the gold medal for the breaststroke.
How do you feel? I just
want to play with my train set.
If everyone keeps cheering for me,
I'm going to go in a corner and rock and
autistically scream because this is terrible.
I'm going to break it and my abacus.
They're all clapping. He's losing his fucking mind.
Make it stop. Dude, there's a a guy who's like you were saying like autistic gets thrown around there's a guy at my local cvs that is absolutely autistic sweet guy very nice guy
but he walks you through every step of the checkout process way too thoroughly.
I went there, this was probably a few weeks ago,
and I didn't want to go all the way to the grocery store.
I needed toilet paper, paper towels, and two other things, just little basics.
I went there, got them real quick, go to the front.
And he's like, all right, I see you have Charmin double quilted.
That is $4.19 after tax. I see you have, he kept saying, I see you have Charmin double quilted. That is $4.19 after tax.
I see you have, he kept saying, I see you have,
I see you have Bounty, the quicker,
he didn't say the quicker picker upper.
That would be funny.
Bounty, the quicker picker upper.
That is $5.11 after tax.
I see you also have a Gatorade, a yellow Gatorade Zero.
Those are two for four or one for $2.21 after tax. I see you also have a Gatorade, a yellow Gatorade zero. Those are two for four
or one for $2 and 21 cents after tax. Would you like to go get another, sir? It's like, no,
no, it's okay. Just, just one, just the ones fines. Okay. All total that comes to after tax
that comes to $7 and 87 cents. And I give him my card. And as i take my card out he's like you're gonna want
to place your card into the holder sir i'm like yeah all right you'll want to leave that card in
the holder until it until it prompts you to take it out yeah i've done this shit before i have
bought things from this exact guy a hundred times there's never been a hitch in my payment process.
Slide it in there and it doesn't
it never matters. He
lays out every single step
and you paid with $10
in cash. It was $7
and 90 cents.
You will get
$2 and 10 cents
in change.
Thanks Rain Man.
Even I knew that.
It says it on the fucking readout.
Man, I bet you did it, Blackjack.
I thought it was incalculable.
He's, I don't know,
he could be fucking
counting cards in Vegas and instead he's
selling me toilet paper
at 8.48 a.m. or
p.m. when I realize I have to take a hot shit and there's nothing in the house.
So, yeah.
Nice guy, though. Shout out to
Walgreens or CVS, whichever one it is.
Guy. I'm sure
he's rocking and watching the show right now.
He's loving it. He's rocking under his weighted
blanket. You know when it's not fun
to deal with that guy? When there's a line.
Because then I get to learn what every other
patron is buying and how much change there is.
Can you hear us?
How's your mic?
Test.
Now tap your mic.
I think it's right.
Is that correct? Can you guys hear me clearly?
I'm pretty sure. Tap your mic.
Give your mic a tap.
Can you hear us?
That's not the right mic.
Tap it again. I want to be sure.
Yeah, you're totally
talking to some other mic. Maybe a webcam.
Easy fix, though.
Easy fix.
I got one of those running on my burner computer over here.
I don't want to tell you who I'm webcamming with.
I don't like that you're still leaning into that mic.
Dude, I can see you right on Chatterbait.
You can't fool anyone.
It's public. Okay, I can see you're right on chatterbait. You can't fool anyone. It's public.
Okay, I'm going to go try something else.
I'll be back.
No, we can fix it.
We can fix it with you.
Go, or Woody, take it away.
Oh, you were doing great.
I thought I was going to get a chance off.
Oh, all right.
Go to that dial in the bottom left by your name.
Click the user settings.
Go to voice and video
and then check your input and output devices
and make sure those are correct.
Okay, I'm going to run through the gauntlet.
Let's see what we have here.
Now I'm just built-in microphone.
I'm sure that sounds terrible.
That's what you've been using, I think.
Yeah, that's the one that you've been on.
You want to go to whatever mic that one is to your left.
Pro Tools.
Pro Tools.
Is that cleaner?
I think it's the same.
You tap it?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's not picking it up.
I explained all that I know.
If I try to walk
through it, I lose all the video.
What do you have in your input
device?
I'm not
getting any of that.
I do find it amusing. I'm doing getting any of that I do find it amusing I'm doing my best
pretty good microphone considering it's the first time
he's ever used it
is it plugged all the way in
oh now we lost you totally
okay go to user settings Oh, now we lost you totally.
Okay, go to user settings, voice and video, input device. There's a drop-down menu.
Mine says USB audio codec.
Yours could say a number of things.
I've got default, built-in microphone, Scarlett, 1.8, i8, USB,
and Pro Tools aggregate i slash o. It's the Scarlett 1.8 i8 USB and Pro Tools Aggregate i slash o.
It's the Scarlett one, probably.
Okay, that sounds bad.
Do you have some sort of noise limiter
on it? Turn some dials on that Scarlett
interface you've got cooking.
Turn your gain up, maybe.
We'd like to thank the patrons
for donating to the show
I think it's the right one but something's wrong
turn that shit up
like this was
to 11
yeah like your spinal tap
all the way to 11
I'm catching one out of eight or nine syllables from you spinal tap all the way to 11. Thank you.
I'm catching one out of eight or nine syllables from you.
Me too.
I bet what he said was funny.
He's got a flow about him.
That's what we're hearing.
We can figure this out.
We can figure it out.
We're four smart boys.
All right.
We'll try switching to, or you're pretty sure it's Scarlet?
Yeah, but I can even see that's a Scarlet.
You can tell by the color.
They have a look about them.
A Scarlet look look i'm an idiot
could they so this just sounds this just sounds terrible when i'm going on default here
uh i'm lowering my standards as time passes yeah this is better than whatever else was
just happening a second ago i think he's's fine. Yeah, you're joining me, Taylor.
Nailed it!
Fucking nailed it, man.
Man, I can't believe your Asian-slash-Jewish roommate couldn't help you out more.
Usually when you mix that race with that religion,
all problems are solved.
Oh, yeah, when I saw Asian-Jewish,
all my worries evaporated.
You're going to get this fixed, and you're going to make money doing it.
I doubt that. That's what I'd hoped for, but it wasn't the case. I'm sorry, guys.
Oh, you're solid. You are solid.
So, Danny Mullen, nice to meet you. Thanks for hopping on the show with us.
Psyched to be here.
Yeah. I've been trying to catch up up watch some of your videos get a feel
for your humor and everything and before the show even started we were laughing our asses off
about that prince video you did where you're just going around being a cunt to people
under the auspices of of translating for a Saudi prince or something, and you almost
get stabbed. It's really fun.
At the end of the day,
it's all about tolerance, right?
Brought the Muslim onto the channel.
I'm just trying to bring people together.
That's what this show's all about.
Yeah, I was listening
to a little bit earlier. I got that idea.
Actually, I listened
to Kyle's detail of prison life. That was riveting. I got locked into that. listening to a little bit earlier i got that idea actually actually i listened to kyle's
detail of prison life that was riveting i got locked into that that was it was great man in uh
eastern alabama or some bullshit yeah yeah almost raped in alabama tennessee what's the
fucking difference where are you guys from georgia uh missouri north carolina
well he took offense to north carolina right everything was fine until it was my turn
he was cool with missouri but north carolina who he knows the kind of people that live there
i guess not a fan yeah sorry guys mr beast what are you what are you doing right yeah
okay i've been editing videos since 7am
Pacific Standard Time and I haven't
eaten or drank much of anything so
this is to kill the pain
and help me perform better
on this podcast I suppose.
It is a performance enhancing drug.
Up to a point.
And then it becomes a good way
to say things you wish you didn't.
That's the way podcasting goes.
So how long have you been doing it?
Oh, go for it, man.
I just want to say, what was the conversation flow like
before I disrupted everything with my audio trouble?
What were we talking about?
We were talking about the Joker movie and UFC stuff.
I'm actually a pretty serious MMA.
I'm a purple belt in jiu-jitsu, so I can talk about that.
Really?
That's very cool.
Yeah, I haven't seen the Joker.
My purple belt's in the other room.
You're not wearing it?
I believe you.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Well, that's very cool.
Yeah.
I grew up.
When I was 18 years old, I moved into Uriah Faber.
I don't know if you guys know him.
He's a Hall of Famer in the UFC.
I moved into one of the houses he rented out in Sacramento.
And that was my baptism into the adult world because those guys would be gangbanging chicks
and there would be fucking orgies and shit like that going on.
Not him in particular, but people in the circle.
Yeah, that's how it works.
If you're below 5'7", no pussy for you.
He's a good guy.
I love Uriah.
He's one of my big role models.
But I know some stuff about the UFC.
What were you guys talking about in particular?
Nate Diaz testing positive, and he's out of the next event.
I just saw that headline.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're kind of bummed about that.
It doesn't seem like the – he's the guy always calling people out for everybody does steroids, everybody does steroids.
Yeah.
Like I said, I guess he was telling the truth.
I got a thing for Danny.
So you're a purple belt.
They were asking me this on my live stream last night.
How does that purple belt translate into surviving through prison?
I think it's the best anti-rape martial art there is so well just assuming you don't get if somebody puts a sharpened toothbrush to your jugular no martial art on earth's gonna
save you but but even if it's a gang rape i think a good purple belt has a shot at at least making one of those guys unconscious before you get penetrated too much.
And that's a worthy goal in a gang rape.
Dude, getting gang raped, I've never thought about this.
But you know how when you're at the DMV and someone's taken forever and you know they're number 62 and you're number 79?
Imagine that, but you're being raped.
number 79 imagine that but you're being raped like you know that even after this guy finishes savaging your little tight boy pussy there's 10 to come that's where do you go from there
kyle did you ever lay eyes on the guy who wanted to fuck you when you were in prison i don't know
which one it was i didn't want to. For the sake of journalism and radio,
you should have found out.
I'm curious about that.
It didn't seem like something I should ask too much about.
Yeah, I didn't.
Oh, on the plus side, Kyle,
I have gotten so many laughs at social outings
telling that story about snow coming up.
They're like, the guy you do the podcast with,
he got out of jail, right?
And I'm like, yeah.
They're like, it was really easy. You were saying it was a joke i'm like ha
no it's actually way funnier than that he thought he was gonna get molested by someone because his
hispanic giant friend told him about it and it laughs and laughs and laughs so thanks for that
how much do you weigh danny uh about 180 pounds i don't know okay because that that's actually pretty good because i always
pegged a belt to be worth about 40 pounds right so uh i'm gonna say uh 180 pound blue belt the
220 pound white belt close right yeah and then the same thing blue and purple right 180 pound
purple belt and a 220 pound blue belt yeah i think close you're onto something
there because i mean one of the most frustrating things that happens in jujitsu is when a former
linebacker dude comes in and puts on a white belt and after two weeks you have trouble submitting
him it happens so i think you're not too far off with that math you're doing yeah so then i've
taken that and i'm going to prison with it and I'm like, all right. With a purple belt, that's 80 pounds.
That gets you pretty far.
Is it 260?
Yes.
At 260 pounds, close.
The thing about jiu-jitsu is ideally the fight would be one-on-one on an empty soccer field.
Whenever you get away from that, you add a body.
Whenever the floor is not grass,
but cement. And whenever there's any jagged edges around like in a cafeteria or a bar,
it gets more and more complicated. So in a cafeteria fight in prison, I'd rather be a
boxer and a wrestler. So you're missing out. Each belt in jiu-jitsu might be worth 40 pounds, but each year running track and field is worth 100 pounds.
If you can really sprint, you're going to be way ahead of the game.
You're going to want to run from these scenarios.
I didn't feel like any amount of being a badass was going to assist me
if there were a couple of...
Oh, God, no. You would have been raped so hard.
So much harder. So much harder. I feel like if you beat one of... Oh, God, no. You would have been raped so hard. So much harder.
I feel like if you beat one of them up,
they're just going to really rape you
extra hard then.
It's going to be vengeance rape.
Remember the three sisters?
You're crazy. My father
told me to punch that bully right in the nose,
Kyle. Yeah, because they're really
cowards on the inside.
That is one of the biggest lies
floating around like that bully just because he hit puberty at nine and he's got chest hair
doesn't mean you can't take him it's like no it absolutely means you're gonna get your
shit pushed in if you thought 33 I got chest hair like last year the reason i wish i couldn't share it because i pose no threat yeah uh so danny you said you've
been doing it since 18 right how old are you now uh 17 i'm 29 now 29 okay yeah it's the same age
yeah and uh and uh jujitsu i i think in prison the good thing about jujitsu is even if you get
your ass kicked it's the best martial art to not be killed with and not get raped with so even if you get your ass kicked, it's the best martial art to not be killed with and not get raped with.
So even if you leave with a broken nose and black eyes,
I think you might be able to stop the penis
from penetrating your anal cavity
if you've got a good enough butterfly guard.
And that counts as goals.
If I knew I was going to prison,
I would drop all of my weightlifting
and just do Kegels.
The kind of ass that you can't penetrate.
It's too tight.
I keep going at him
but nothing happens.
He's not going through. The Aryan Brotherhood's
like, we've lost too many men to
broken dicks.
I'm trying to get into that boy's ass.
And I'm just
the king of the
block.
Yeah, they call him Taylor the block. That widow.
Yeah, they call him Taylor Tightass.
That widow's tight as a drum.
You can't get in.
Yeah, that's what I would do.
That's where I thought you were going with that.
You were doing kegels for their pleasure,
like you were going to be the most popular lay in all of prison.
Then you'd get a guy who'd be your protector and want you for himself only.
So that might be another way to not get raped.
I was a little afraid for a while.
That's what I had.
I was like, I hope Snow doesn't think I'm his boy.
You get in from your third day of running
and you finish showering and he's just on his bed like,
hey, it's not going to take care of itself.
Oh, God.
You're like, I'm just going to go eat chili and read Harry Potter. his bed like he's not going to take care of himself. Oh, God.
He's like, I'm just going to go eat chili and read Harry Potter. He's like, yeah, after this.
I watch these prison YouTube
channels, right? This is a much more hardcore
prison than Kyle went to.
The guy was like,
going to be raped.
The word was out. It was a problem
for him. his celly was
like you know like i could help you get used to being raped like it's a service he offered like
i could fuck you now and then uh you know when when the time comes you'll be prepared for it
what a grift he did it because he felt like that wasn't an offer. That wasn't an optional offer.
And that's how it went down.
You know, we weren't going to rape you at all, but you're silly.
He says you're giving it away like candy bar.
You're silly speaks highly of you.
Everyone in every prison is Hispanic.
It's not nearly as offensive as my black accent.
It's more just like doing Danny Trejo. You lose far too many sponsors when i do the black one
pouring sponsors down the drain anymore boys
have you ever i'll go for it i'm looking forward to the gang rape scene that you foreshadowed on
your prison that's that is the exact version that I had in prison.
The,
the,
the,
the paperback and that design on the cover and everything.
There's been a couple of different iterations of it,
but,
but yeah,
it's like,
it's,
it's around a page eight 50 or so somewhere in there.
I had it bookmarked.
It's a bit much.
It just didn't seem like it was required at all.
You know,
he sort of like created the problem that required it.
If you know what I mean, it's like, oh, all of a sudden,
Richie can't remember which way to go left or right.
And Beverly's like, ah, it's because the magic of our bond is breaking.
I know what would bring us all together.
She starts fucking stripping naked.
They're like, whoa, why are you stripping naked?
Beverly, we're 11 and she's
like you got to put your things in me and it was it was awkward nothing gets me rolling like when
a girl calls it my thing how many times do you think stephen king himself masturbated while
writing that scene hundreds i know it happened it happened a lot hundreds it's hard to type
of actually probably not hundreds I would say a couple.
But he was doing so many drugs, there's no way his dick was working.
He was furiously beating off to his own story with a mostly limp, flaccid penis.
At some point, he probably finished, and then he's like,
all right, the story can continue with the clown.
Yeah, he was a bad alcoholic and cokehead.
I read his on-writing book, and he talks all about it.
He doesn't remember writing Cujo.
He was blacked out the entire time he wrote Cujo.
That's an accomplishment.
That's something to strive for.
That's incredible, because last time I blacked out,
I chipped a tooth.
I would have written it up.
Times bestseller.
Nobody cared.
No, I got, believe it or not, I was mocked for it.
Were there any shows with it?
I don't think I saw it.
There were, but it wasn't
good enough camera to see it.
It was one of those where it's like
majority behind the tooth
with some on the front.
I fucked that up bad. That was with the Dick Masterson episode.
That was the very last time
you blacked out? You chipped the tooth?
Yeah. Oh. Did you think he had outgrown that face
because all my teeth are fake and so they're very easy to to chip why are all your teeth fake what
happened my uh they like put plaster and shit like you know what they use to put your filling in?
They basically built around my existing teeth in the front and on the vacs here to fix my bite.
Because my teeth lined up like that.
As my dentist said, I had the teeth grinding status of a 125-year-old.
You know how your molars are all sort of bumpy and they
grind food his were smooth and rounded like you might find in a doll or something or a brontosaurus
exactly i looked like i'd spent 90 years eating leaves is what my teeth looked like so they're
okay now all right they're okay now until i have to spend fucking eight grand to get veneers in a few years.
So how...
Take a stock.
The appliance that you sleep with, how cool does it make you?
Please tell me it goes outside your mouth, maybe wraps around your ears.
Now, if my dentist is listening, I wear that appliance every night, and I definitely didn't
wear it for four or five days and then stop entirely.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I didn't wear it at all. Well, that's an expensive decision. Oh, no. Yeah, I haven't heard at all.
Well, that's an expensive decision.
Oh, no, they're not moving.
There's no gaps between my teeth.
I don't have to floss or anything.
Aren't you grinding now?
The appliance is an anti-grinding device, I thought.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
The actual building of it is the anti-grinding.
Basically, they built it so that instead of lining up
and smashing into each other,
now my upper teeth go over my lower teeth, and i don't grind anymore my wife grinds so she wears an appliance and when she tries to talk to me with it in it's like i'm talking to me you nerd
oh that was such a sad feeling that day when i got home with my fake teeth and like my girlfriend's
in bed and i take that thing out in the bathroom
after i brush them i pop it in and she wants to say like good night i'm like good night
it's like oh no no she's gonna fucking leave me she started cheating on you two weeks after that
yeah absolutely and i can't blame her for it. Yeah. You're no longer
a man once you've got false teeth in.
And I'm sorry to tell you.
That's true.
Absolutely a fact.
Performance enhancing teeth. I'm on the other team.
Yeah. I mean,
now it doesn't sound... It sounds like you're
at least having a good time when you're out drunk
now because you don't give a shit about your teeth.
So that's an upside in a way. You can get in a fist
fight. You can slam your head
against something and they're not your teeth anymore.
The head slam in particular is something
he excels at.
I have the biggest
cranium on this podcast
at the very least. I'd love to weigh it.
Yeah.
When I die, I'll donate my body to science,
but the only stipulation will be you have to do something funny with everything below the neck and all you do with
my head is weigh it i would like to i would love to see a head x-ray just to really see what's
going on is this a skull or symptoms you're curious about i think it's just a theory i'm
working on but i think he has a very thick skull i think that he could like weaponize that somehow
yeah you look at the kind of guy i could
punch as hard as i could the right hand of the jaw and you would be conscious and my hand would hurt
that's probably right frank like my my head is enormous like i'm i'm i'm a big guy and my head
makes my body not look like it matches like my you play football? Did you play with your head?
I played hockey.
I played hockey and took a lot of pucks to the head.
But look at me.
Smart as ever.
What a broken soccer.
SMRT.
SMRT.
So you're doing these, whenever you're doing these pranks on the street,
and sometimes they're the kind of prank or the kind of like social engineering experiment where you're really upsetting people.
Like I noticed like in the, when you did the prince, the Dubai prince, like there was a guy who was like a rack veteran.
And he was getting real upset.
And you're like, no, no, no.
He's from Dubai.
He's not your enemy.
He loves America.
Are you ever worried or have you maybe even gotten into a physical altercation
with these people?
Are you concerned that's going to happen?
Yeah, I'm a little concerned about it.
I try not to think about it because I don't want to be afraid of that happening
and I don't want to censor myself.
But I guess the reason that happens, I know you guys are big Howard Stern fans,
Opie and Anthony fans.
I saw Kumeya was on here recently.
I was fucking sick.
But I like comedy where there's no filter.
And what I'm saying to people on the street is just what I think about them without any kind of social layer there to protect me from being honest.
So when I tell people what they're saying is stupid or I tell a guy that he's too fat, he's got to lose some weight, those situations happen. And then I think continuing to pile on
and talk shit to that person after that societal contract is broken down. I think that's really
funny. So yeah, about probably three out of four of my videos, there's some kind of shouting match
with a random person on the street and uh i just i know
it's all my fault so i will never hit them and if i do get hit i'll do whatever i can just to get
away and not strike back because i know at the end of the day it's my fault i'm being an asshole
for sure uh so so i'm yeah i'm doing everything in my power to avoid a physical altercation but everything in my power to start a verbal one
are you ever a great job when you're out there do you do you do you see yourself as yourself
do you see like oh this is just me doing this thing or do you consider yourself almost a
character who's doing these things a character for sure yeah i a, I'm a pretty nice guy in person and around the house,
but I know that people don't tune in to YouTube to watch every day.
Niceties.
They want to see some action when you're in the,
when you're,
when you are that character,
do you find that that makes you much more edgy and able to say things that,
that the real version of you might not ever say?
Yeah. Um, much more edgy and able to say things that that the real version of you might not ever say yeah um and sometimes i just black out and i don't even remember what i say exactly not well well i literally and i figuratively black out it depends on the shoot sometimes i am hammered drunk
but uh that probably helps yeah yeah and a lot of times in the in the fucking because i've
listened to so much stern in my life sometimes i find myself talking shit to some guy like an
italian accent kind of like stern had and uh when i'm not thinking of myself as me it allows me to
make funnier jokes in my mind because uh if a joke fucks up it's not me saying it so there's no
like there's no ego on the line. I'm somebody else out
there performing. And I can just cut out
the unfunny parts because I'm editing it. It's not
live, which is really nice. You guys don't have that
luxury. I always liked
when he would send Stuttering John
into those incredibly awkward
situations because John just
didn't care. John seemed to have
no shame whatsoever.
He'd send him to NAMBLA,
the North American Boy Love Association. He'd be like,
what's the
best boy to fuck?
How many children
have you molested today?
Just horrible
things.
They don't want
to talk about that they're trying to get themselves in that part of that lgbtq uh acronym they don't
want to talk about molesting boys yeah even though that's what they are this is a real website
you didn't know what nambla how many times have we talked about nambla
every time we talk about nambla tay Taylor's like, Nambla's real?
You know, I've never actually gone to their webpage.
It's a picture of a little boy on the front.
All right, I'm on my way.
These are terrible.
Dude.
Because every time we bring it up, I'm still blown away that people thought,
all right, what's the best PR move for our organization?
The North American
Manboy Love Association.
Nambla.org.
I tried to go there and I was warned.
Did you get not secure?
Yes.
I was like, well,
not going.
I forged ahead.
So I'll be our
Even with ExpressVPN
who's sponsoring tonight's show, I don't feel
safe on NAMBLA.org.
I just wish NAMBLA took care of you.
There's a Michael Jackson article titled
Remembering a Lover of Boys.
It seems like
NAMBLA should step up their protect your privacy
game, but maybe
no one will issue them a certificate.
No. That could be the case issue them a certificate. No.
That could be the case.
I don't want to hang out on this site.
I'm looking
forward to your targeted ads.
Are you interested in Vaseline and children's
Halloween costumes?
Do you want Sour Patch Kids flavored lube?
Get off that fucking place. Halloween costumes? Do you want Sour Patch Kids flavored lube? I don't like that.
Get off that fucking site.
For a video I just shot,
I did a video on clicking all the sidebar ads
on Pornhub.com
because they're the dick pill enhancing ads,
they're the sex game ads,
and I went and played those sex games
and I had to enter my credit card information
to do it. It was a research.
Immediate credit card fraud. Just instantaneous.
So don't get too...
Yeah, my bank called me
and some organization overseas
was spending my money.
The games were
pretty funny though. It might have been
worth the... I think it cost me $38
in fraud.
But yeah, you play the games, and you basically just,
you're characterized as a 12-inch cock.
It's like seven inches around.
And you just have to bang these chicks you go out on dates with.
And all the dialogue and the scenarios seem like they're written by ex-frat boys,
and they're real funny.
It's like, do you want to compliment her and tell her she looks good in that dress or do you want to tell her her ass looks fat and to get
a cab home and i would just always go for that one and it's i i enjoy it and again it might have
been worth the credit card fraud that happened and you still got that job to write for these
yeah i think i think you've got to live in dubai or something man it was i don't think it was an
american-based company unfortunately i mean if it were like in Dubai or something, man. I don't think it was an American-based company, unfortunately.
I mean, if it were like India or something,
it would just be like, show bubs and a veggie.
And that would be it.
That's true.
That was true.
It sounded like a white guy.
So in your most recent video, and by recent I mean about an hour ago,
you dressed as a Roman soldier.
You crucified Jesus Christ in what appears to be a park,
and you egged him.
I don't think that's historically accurate.
That's a good bit.
I'm watching you force Jesus to carry his own cross into what appears to be a park
with a bunch of people practicing yoga right now.
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
we made him eat a raw fish too so we'd appreciate the story about jesus feeding the multitudes with
the raw fish and the loaves once in a chow down in a chow on a rainbow trout in the middle of a
cvs and he vomited everywhere it was good i don't i mean i'm not religious at all but i
i feel like you're really tempting fate with that one.
Like if there is a God, I feel like you've crossed over to the point where he's like, no forgiveness for that one.
I got it.
Dude, I've made fun of, it's so easy to poke fun at Christianity.
And I'm really planning a big video where I go out as the prophet Muhammad.
And that's what I'm really going to be tempting both the heavens and people around me in public.
You can say anything about Christianity
and you'll be fine.
Islam, that's going to be tough, man.
I got you.
I got to quit being a pussy, man.
I've done like five videos poking fun at Jesus
and it's getting too easy.
I got to prove that I'm not...
Yeah, because like the most PC liberal pussy on the planet
will talk shit about Christ and the Virgin Mary.
But once you're talking about the Prophet Muhammad and Allah,
you're stepping into hollow grounds there.
I got to go shatter that.
I got to do a video on that.
You should escalate up.
What's the ranking of religions you're allowed to make fun of?
Lowest would be like Mormons.
And then probably baseline
christianity scientology is the bottom one you're right that's low too yeah uh buddhism i feel like
those people don't care well they're all like uh non-confrontational anyway so you they're never
gonna give any shit i think judaism is silver medal because yeah anti-semitism and accusations
of anti-semitism are always flying but then islam is definitely that's theemitism and accusations of antisemitism are always flying.
But then Islam is definitely
that's the one. And they'll put that sheeny curse
on you.
The Jews
or the Muslims put curses
on you?
They'll both.
The Jews put Muslim curses on you?
The Jews will summon a golem though as well.
That's a big fear with them. What do they do? They'll summon a golem. Jews will summon a golem, though, as well. That's a big fear with them.
What do they do? They'll summon
a golem. You know what a golem is?
Yeah.
They kill zombies.
That's like the lesson in Judaism
of the golem story, though, is they
summon a big clay automaton
to do their bidding,
and then it turns on them.
And they don't have anything to stop it. And that's like like their parable i don't know what you're supposed to learn other than like don't
create magic sounds like a great marvel movie right oh the golem i need a marvel hero called
the hebrew hammer and he faces off against the golem at the end of the movie and he's
got a fat cock too that goes without saying circumcised cut and fat yeah yeah his sidekick is the moyo
fucking like morgan the morgan freeman of that's like i've got a car for you that
can go 200 miles an hour and he's like well for what price
what kind of gas mileage does he get i'm not looking at that kind of thing. I want something more sensible.
Just a sensible,
financially really responsible and smart superhero.
I've been going over the numbers
and the budget.
The budget for these gadgets.
It's just not lining up.
If you dress up as the Prophet Muhammad,
someone is going to do harm upon you, though,
in all seriousness.
I would not dress up as the Prophet Muhammad.
I have to do it.
Now that you guys are telling me not to,
it just affirms that I have to do it even more.
Oh, no, I said I wouldn't.
I'd love to see you do it.
Oh, we want you to do it.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, I'm going to get security
for that one. I'm going to put out an Instagram
blast to any of the linemen on the local
community college football team to come accompany
me for that. I might need their services.
Yeah, you might.
You might.
Like Hinduism?
Do people care if you make fun of that?
No, absolutely not.
What is Hinduism? It's like reincarnation? Is that the only facet you you make fun of that? No. Absolutely not. What is Hinduism? It's like reincarnation?
Is that the only facet you can make fun of?
It's the not eating beef thing.
That's what you want to do.
Maybe that's the thing. Maybe you find
a place where there are a lot of Hindus
and you do something with beef.
Cut a cow's throat.
Yes. Not that.
Oh yeah, not that.
You're like a mobile butcher.
You've got the calf trussed up upside down,
and you're just going to kill it right there in front of them?
I'm going to have to reread the YouTube community standards,
but so far, so good.
I like what I hear.
I don't think you've read them.
Hey, better to ask forgiveness than permission.
Yes, sir.
Sometimes that is true.
But when you find yourself outside of a mosque
dressed up as the Prophet Muhammad,
permission may have been
the right way to go.
Yes.
You can always lie and be like,
no, I'm Moses.
And how would they possibly know?
Old guy wearing a robe
with a beard. I think they
kick your ass over Moses, too. I think you guys
are attributing a lot of violence
to the religion of peace. Okay, well then
say I'm Gandalf. They won't even be like,
whatever. How dare us, man?
Absolutely
unfounded.
God, I want to see you dressed up as Muhammad.
Name just a hundred times
yeah this week that
yeah i was gonna say like the rank up strategy but it seems like
mormonism christianity hindu scientology you can pretty much thrash those guys 24 7 but
but if you do something serious to Scientology,
they'll litigate you
out of existence, apparently.
They'll just sue you and tie you up and fuck with you.
If you try to make a documentary,
then you've got issues on your hands with them.
Yeah.
But there are people who...
With Islam,
it seems like a cartoon will
literally have terrorists at your publication killing people.
Yeah.
That literally happened.
That literally happened.
Yeah.
It sucks.
And I don't know.
I'm sure a lot of people drop the Prophet Muhammad all the time and everything goes well.
I know Steven Crowder did a drawing Muhammad video, and he's alive.
So I'm going to play the odds here.
I think I can do this.
I don't, but I wish you all the luck.
I think you guys are way overplaying the danger.
It'll be fine.
It depends where he does it.
If he doesn't in that part with the yoga white people, sure.
I'm going to do it in San Francisco.
Woody, he'll be fine for now.
In 50 years when we're overrun by Muslim hordes,
they're going to find that video and they're going to kill them.
So you believe you me.
You'll be all hopped up on neck thickening juice
by then. No trouble.
What's that guy up to?
It's a neck thickening
salve.
What the fuck is he up to now?
I don't know. He got deplatformed.
That sucks. He was so funny.
Oh, he's doing fine on his own website. Yeah, but I don't go to He got deplatformed. That sucks. He was so funny. Oh, he's doing fine on his own website.
Yeah, but I don't go to Infowars.com
slash, you know,
boner pills or whatever the fuck.
Kyle, he spends his time on Nambla. He'll never see Alex Jones.
No. He's against that.
He's against that.
Yeah, I shouldn't have gone to that site.
I love what you did.
You're like,
there's boys on here. I kind of want to go into that site i love what you did you're like there's boys on here i kind of want to go
he's drawn yeah no i mean i mean was it a hot boy no it was just the a picture of a boy that
is you put that on like twitter and say like this little boy got an a on his spelling test
you're like oh that's nice. But on
Nambla, every photo is nefarious
because you know what those fucking
degenerates are thinking. They want to mess
with kids.
That's what you ideally don't want.
Everyone needs a hobby and you're being judgy.
I thought I'd check out Infowars.com
and he's got an article here where
the Always
pad company,
you know, like menstrual pads,
they're removing all the female symbols
to appease trans activists.
What?
Yeah.
Is that real?
Yeah.
I don't think I...
What's a trans exactly?
Like a trans man is a biological woman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there are trans men who menstruate.
Yes.
Yes.
Exactly.
I had to process it.
We have to cater to them.
You nailed it.
And that's the problem. Those trans men who menstruate don't like all these female
words and phrases
and symbols on their maxi pads.
And who could blame them?
I wonder if they still menstruate
while they're in hormone therapy.
No, that makes the appearance.
Well, I feel like these trans men
just lack commitment
and
shouldn't get a vote.
Well, that is a very bigoted
opinion, I'm told.
I'm told.
I'm told.
That's something about the morality of our show
is whatever YouTube
currently believes,
I'm all about.
China, two thumbs up.
Two thumbs up to
Zing Zhang or whatever the fuck he's doing over
there you know and i don't know what's going on with the nba but i'm on i'm team china youtube
i heard you guys i heard you guys talking about that and i have the same thing i have paranoid
fits i'll randomly become convinced that youtube is moving against my channel and any kind of politically off color humor. And, uh, it scares me. And I, but I guess you've got to remember
that YouTube is the best platform of all the platforms. As far as free speech goes,
I've had my Facebook page deleted. I've had my Instagram deleted, but YouTube,
I've only had one strike. I appealed it and they forgave. They said, sorry, put the video back up and I do some fucked up shit,
dude.
So your channel has been not fucked up.
It's hilarious.
Do it especially well since springtime,
right?
Like you're doing,
you're super hot.
So how do you like it?
How do you like being a YouTube star?
Um,
it's okay.
This is going to be kind of gay,
but this book,
I was thinking about this the other day.
This book, fucking Infinite Jest, sums it up the best.
There's a quote in there where some tennis kid, he wants to be famous and well-known and successful. that the people who are successful, they have just as strong of a desire
to not fade into obscurity
as the young up-and-comer has to become famous.
So now that I...
I'm not famous or successful or anything,
but now that the channel's doing well,
my desire to not fuck up
and fade back into obscurity
is just as stressful
as my original desire to make it.
So I don't feel any different.
I just feel like even more stressed out if anything.
Yeah.
I fear that,
that,
that,
that sort of,
um,
that those stressors might push you to go to a place that maybe you
shouldn't,
you know,
like dressing up as the prophet Muhammad.
Don't,
don't,
I've had that one planned for years.
I can't think of anything more edgy than that or more apt to trigger actual violence than that.
Dress up as a woman and go use the women's restroom.
At least nothing that – I mean I can think of things, but they're all literal crimes.
And we already did a transgender in San Francisco video.
We dressed as chicks and just went around and fucked up people.
Something NAMBLA inspired would be more offensive, I think.
See, YouTube
does not like child molestation.
I'm with you guys. I don't understand it.
But they have an online on that.
I'm with you guys.
Two thumbs up.
But no, they have
no sense of humor. I don't even think you get
strikes. If you fuck up with
some kind of like child molestation thing that looks fishy they'll just shut you the fuck down
so i'm not gonna touch that one i mean those elsa and spider-man thing went on forever yeah
we had just like yeah elsa pegs spider-man and it's like two mascotted people smiling it's like
what the fuck we We had Milo on
the show. Do you remember Milo
Yiannopoulos? Yeah, I saw
that you guys were talking about him earlier
on the show here. Oh, I brought it up as a topic
but we didn't actually talk about him. Sometimes
I put stuff here and it'd make up somewhere
it might not. And
anyway, so he was on our show saying
the things that he got in trouble for but he didn't
get in trouble from our show. And it was basically like, look, when I was on our show saying the things that he got in trouble for, but he didn't get in trouble from our show.
And it was basically like, look, when I was – I'm making it up – 14, I was fucking a priest.
I was the predator in this situation.
It was a really great thing because, you know, like I guess in the gay world, what happens oftentimes is young men get escorted into sexuality by older men.
And he came across as pretty pro pedo and he got
canceled over it yeah i've said before it i think it came across as a guy who was clearly molested
as a kid and is doing the thing that molestation victims do which is try to retroactively change
it so that they were the one responsible to try and regain a bit of control where it's like,
Oh no,
darling,
I actually loved it.
Pastor Michael taught me how to give great head.
And I'm of the opinion that some kids like fucking.
Yeah.
And,
and these are,
and Kyle,
2020.
I just feel like we're completely closing the door to the possibility that some young boys enjoy the company of some older men.
Oh.
And who are we to make assumptions if they do or do not?
I wouldn't put myself in the place of a woman and say, oh, yeah, women love this or women love.
It's up for a woman to express those feelings.
I'm just saying i don't
want to close the door and say that that there aren't any young boys it's like you walk into a
bar you see a cute chick standing there do you assume she's single or has a boyfriend you assume
she's single and you make a move same with pedophilia one way or the other it's going in
her drink these are these are cogent points, gentlemen.
That's what you fucking want, right?
Jesus Christ.
Good lord.
You guys explore more often.
I was going to ask, have you guys explored these waters before?
Oh, yeah.
We're soaked
in the fluids of pedophilia.
We're just neck deep fluids of pedophilia.
I would love to come back on.
I've got to get a better mic, though.
I'm sorry for this abomination.
I don't know what happened.
I thought Dr. Chiz,
where is he?
See, I can hear myself good when I talk about this now.
But I thought he was going to hold my hand and take me through this.
Then I just got tossed into the fire. fire and i i felt humiliated like i was yeah i i apologize guys next time next time
yeah yeah no worries it was it usually you know i know you you had a prior thing going on you
but but if you usually we all have like a pre-show kind of thing where we all get like hey is your
audio sound good does mine sound right we all kind of tune each other in my prior thing was editing the video of me beating jesus
so i i figured it was the pre-show is also where we get all of the youtube uh
not allowed slurs out of the way
we just we just build up release and then we're ready for a nice clean show.
Yeah, the true reason Arian Foster won't come back on the show
was the pre-show conversation.
The pre-show one, yeah.
Yeah, that's...
It's a goddamn shame.
I think he's being unfair.
And my livestream, who's surely unbiased, agreed with me.
Well, if your very own live stream
agreed with you,
then
take that monkey right off the bat.
I'm just...
What is your friend, Kyle? Shut up.
Okay.
Okay.
I made it
drizzle at a restaurant again
what does that mean you know some people make it rain
so i i uh i was at ihop getting my daughter's car inspected you know while it was carrying out
and uh i didn't even i didn't like pay attention to the waitress very much i had i was
listening to an audiobook 20 11 22 63 and uh and i ordered my food and just was whatever in my own
world okay i noticed she was cute but like not especially right um when i checked out and she
was like ringing me up at i hop you don't pay the table her manager gives me
one of this like and her manager's revolting right big old like he's fat but it's all in the belly
and just like some man titties maybe in a norm from cheers in a size 54 belly you know, just, but small shouldered and just did.
Yeah.
A real bear, a real dominant kind of man. Porn stash on him and very little hair left.
It's winning me back.
So anyway, he says to me, hey, not only did we serve you nice food, but we got you something to look at.
And that's when I noticed her, right?
we could you know serve you nice food but we got you something to look at and that's when i noticed her right she was cute but she had like a top two percent body on her you know big boobs and then
tight package and the whole thing and she makes eye contact with me and goes i'm sorry because
like it was just inappropriate it wasn't a fit yeah like it it's where it wasn't where it was supposed to be so um because we had that
like momentary connection on my whatever 11 meal i paid 25 for it again where's this i hop made it
drizzle uh right nightdale well as soon as i get permission for my pro-vote probation officer. Head on over there.
That sounds like a good time.
She struck me as kind of cool.
And like I said, top 2% in terms of
Did she strike you as someone who drinks
from a glass that has been
unattended for a while?
Ooh, that's my kind of gas.
Let's get to the permanent questions here.
Yeah, I see where you're headed with that.
And you know, see how it that. So you were witness to
actual workplace sexual harassment
at John's house. That sounded
inappropriate.
I don't like that. I like all my
sexual harassment to be fictional and hypothetical.
Yeah.
If there's going to be sexual harassment in a restaurant,
I want to be the one doing it.
I like to be the aggressor
or offender as the one doing it. Call me old-fashioned. I like to be the aggressor or offender
as the lawyers
put it.
I got fired from a
restaurant job for employee
on employee, male
on male sexual harassment
because we worked in a kitchen.
Did you beat him off the mail room?
No.
We worked in a kitchen where a bunch of the chefs were real
bros they do things they bring me a fresh octopus that just got caught out of san francisco bay
they pull the beak out and just demand i start fingering it i i tried to fist a gooseneck once
just just depraved sexual shit we do and they hired new kid. He had a really hip trim beard. He was very San
Francisco and I didn't really feel him out. And I told him one day, I was like, he was, I think it
was his third shift. I was like, Hey dude, bring in those 12 inch plates and put them over there
in the pile for Garmin J to make salads on, or I will suck your fucking dick. And I just walked
away after I said that. and i guess he just immediately walked
over to a manager reported the incident and i was fired within a week after that and i've been there
for like 11 months what took him a week terrible like were they uh decision making i don't i think
they just i mean there have been multiple claims of sexual harassment against me not just that i'm
gonna suck oh jesus we don't move the 12 inch plates.
Dude, telling someone that if they don't do
something, you'll suck their dick is
hilarious. I agree.
I thought it was funny. That's why I said it. I wasn't actually
going to suck the guy's cock no matter
if he moved the plates.
No, of course not. Well, what a fucking bitch
that guy is. Fuck that guy.
Yeah. That guy sucks.
I hope he still has a shitty beard
and people are telling him they're going to suck his dick all the time.
Every job he goes to, he can't escape the cock sucking threats.
Was he gay, you think?
Do you think he was sensitive to it?
Yeah, he might have been.
In San Francisco, even if a guy maintains he's straight
he's one drink and one private encounter with a guy away from blowing or getting fucked by a dude
so many guys we were positive were straight they were on a sports team in college would just be
making out with other dudes at a house party or at a bar when we turned away from the person. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy.
I was going to the same place.
Like all of San Francisco.
Yeah, we had the same joke, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah, I lived there for two years.
What's the name of the restaurant?
What was it?
Kidobot.
Yeah, it's closed down now now maybe the sexual threats persisted after
i left and that's why i don't know that's enough evidence that you weren't the one
you know propositioning him the most if anything you were just one cog in the machine of sexual
harassment absolutely they made me the scapegoat i'm still upset Scapegoat It's not harassment
It's encouragement if anything
I did all kinds of shit
I went up to another guy
A buddy of ours came into the restaurant
And when we would drop food
It was such a nice place
We had to spiel it
We had to tell them about the potatoes
How they were prepared
Where the bird came from
The fish was caught So I told one guy as a joke in a really loud voice though, accidentally,
that what I was serving him was seagull. Again, he was my buddy. And then we'd caught it on the
roof with a net and the entire kitchen staff had humiliated and sexually assaulted the seagull
before we took its life. And I said that loud enough for an old couple to hear it,
and that got back to the manager, too.
So, again, I'm going to suck your dick
if you don't move the plates.
It was just a one thing.
Yeah, that was strike three.
We didn't play a ball for a while.
You've been a guy who's been fired more than once.
Do you have any other great firing stories?
Or having to quit stories? I don't know if you guys can relate to this but i oh once i graduated college i always knew i wanted to be a
writer or a comedian and i had sort of a snobby attitude that i was too good for whatever menial
job i was in so that was my one true firing but i would just quit jobs in the drop of a hat for
something as stupid as like my friends are going to Vegas for Memorial Day.
I'm scheduled.
I'm going to quit and go find a new job.
I was just basically a piece of shit in my mid-20s.
Yeah, sounds like it.
Yeah, thank you.
Do you ever quit jobs like that, Taylor?
No.
I think it's not.
I used to, but it wasn't that.
It was like, I don't know i'd make 32 grand and get
like a 34 grand offer like fuck you guys i'm not gonna go work here instead
i gotta get over don't i gotta stack plates you suck his dick that's so funny
yeah that's great that's gay chicken it's gay chicken. It's not harassment.
You just go together like, alright,
I've stacked the plates now or I've not stacked
the plates. Let's see where this goes.
It's just boys being boys. It's a win-win,
dude. You either stack the
plates, you do your job, and you collect your paycheck
or you get blown. I don't know. What would you
have done if you hadn't stacked the plates
or did it incompetently? Put them upside
down?
Just furiously pulling at his pants.
Get over here.
It's just locker room talk.
This is just locker room talk.
I once told one of my financial managers
they said you make 5% on this
investment or I'm going to suck your cock.
Guess what? 7% that year.
Oh, That would be the funniest
fucking thing for Trump to say
to any foreign leader.
He's like, we're going to get Assad under control.
I told him last time, no more gassing or I'm going to suck
his cock. He was scarred.
He didn't expect that.
He kept looking at the translator.
He didn't understand. He kept looking at the translator He didn't understand
He kept looking at this hideous woman
Standing next to him
He was doing goofy signs and things
For whatever sake
Didn't care for it
Not one bit
I told him I'll suck your dick too bitch
I'll suck every cock in Syria
If that's what it says
That's the president we need Trump's approach to diplomacy I'll suck every cock at Syria if that's what it says.
That's the president we need.
Trump's approach to diplomacy is fantastic.
It's the president we deserve.
I haven't been following politics at all. Does Bernie have a chance?
No. I hope so.
He seems...
I don't even like Bernie's policies that much like
for the most part but I feel bad for all the Bernie bros supporting him and he just gets
fucking hosed every single time he's currently took quotes that were popular from him in the
most recent debate I didn't watch the debate because that shit's dumb. I saw five mainstream media outlets
took his really popular
healthcare blurb, attributed
it to Warren.
Straight up just said,
this awesome thing was said
and Elizabeth Warren said it.
It's like, oh, Bernie.
You're getting bent over. He's in third
right now and he's declining.
I really need that guy to win.
He's going to expunge my record.
I wish I could help, but I need Elizabeth Warren to win
because we bet $100 it would be anybody but Biden or Bernie.
I don't care about the $100.
You know, it's really my...
You're a single-issue voter.
It's the $100.
It's the $100 bucks You son of a bitch
Sorry
I want my record cleared
No that's funny I'm voting for Warren too now
I don't fucking care about my vote
I'm voting for nobody
Because they won't let me
Oh
Two to zero
In the voting category.
I was in this bullshit RDAP drug class in prison.
And I mentioned that.
I was like, they don't even let us vote.
And some guy was like, no, that ain't true.
I voted last year.
They counted that shit.
And I'm like, that's against the law.
And then I remembered where I was.
Oh, that's right.
You're a crack dealer.
You probably didn't mind about the voter thing.
Yeah.
But I was surprised by that.
And voting illegally is so funny.
Literally a crack salesman who votes illegally.
I didn't ask who he voted for. I didn't
care.
Actually, I would be curious.
He probably doesn't.
You could go either way. You would assume it was a Democratic
candidate, but then you could always just
be Trump in a really hardline Republican
stance. That makes sense.
Trump has a lot of support in prison because Trump
is all about
a lot of prison reform stuff because trump um is all about um a lot of prison reform stuff because
it saves money and so like all of those black guys who sell crack and uh and that sort of thing
literally that's what they're in for big trump people big trump guys not that you know of course
they can't vote well i mean that one did but they're not supposed to yeah how does that sneak through or i guess like
it probably would easily sneak through right i think you're just counting ballots i mean trump's
been trying to tell you since 2016 about the voter fraud taylor and everybody laughs at listen taylor
would you just just open your ears to Trump's cogent arguments.
Don't treat this man like a liar, Taylor.
Until he threatens to suck
another foreign leader's dick,
I'm off.
That's your team birdie.
I've enjoyed these a lot.
Can you do an impression of Trump
threatening to suck the leader of Japan's cock for me?
What's his name? Abe or something?
Shinto Abe? I don't know what the fuck your name
is. It's in a bunch of goofy symbols.
But I'm going to suck your
cock if you don't do what I want you to do.
It's not fair.
I swear to God, you don't
do what I want you to do. I'm going to get on my knees right now.
I'm going to give you the best
head of your life. Lots of good people. Lots of smart people
are talking about how good I am at second time.
Good luck finding it.
He says good luck to what I expect from a Trump meeting.
I try to tell him about immigration.
He says to me, I will suck your cock if you do not lower trade restriction.
And I believe you.
I believe you.
I believe you.
Best believe it.
I wish I had characters
in my comedic arsenal. It's something I don't
have, so I'm always very amused that I get
a taste of that.
I hear you, man. These's something I don't have. So I'm always very amused that I get a little taste of that.
These guys both do it so well. Most of my tenure here.
I love that. It seems like you find
the character actor who can
do that and then you are kind of that guy's
foil. You are the interpreter
slash security guy for the Prince of Abu
Dhabi.
And you are the Roman who's tormentinging christ but you found a guy who looks enough like christ for me he looks
christ-like christ-like he's actually a native american jew so i'm not quite on point but in
the neighbor and jesus was jewish well that that fits well with the Mormon view of Jesus Christ, right?
No, I'm pretty sure Mormons also knew
he was Jewish.
But a Native American Jew.
No, the Native American thing...
Oh yeah, maybe. I don't know what the fuck they believe.
They believe whatever Joseph Smith...
They thought they were Native American?
Well, you know,
Joseph Smith dug up those fucking gold tablets
and then interpreted them.
He put them in that hat and everything. I think part of it is that Jesus came over Well, Joseph Smith dug up those fucking gold tablets and then interpreted them. That was real.
And put them in that hat and everything.
And I think part of it is that Jesus came over to North America and that he was here for some period of time doing a whole thing.
Oh, yeah.
They think the Garden of Eden was in Jefferson County, Missouri.
Yeah.
And if you've ever driven through Jeffco, I have many times. It is the meth capital of America.
No gas station
is safe to walk into. There are tweakers.
The forbidden apple, if you will.
Ah, the forbidden apple.
It's all coming together.
We would have known
the forbidden apple could be found at the bottom of a
refrigerator light bulb.
I used to know
crystal meth.
I don't know how meth works yeah that's all I know I've seen a girl smoke meth in a bathroom in suburbia and like a nice neighborhood you put it in a refrigerator light bulb and it
looks like a thermometer with a big bulb at the bottom and then you just light the flame through the glass
and meth gets hot and you inhale it.
People know meth, but I bet that girl was skinny.
She blew me.
Yeah, see? She's skinny and slutty.
You're selling me on it.
She blew you? Was it a good
blowie?
I was blacked out drunk,
so it was amusing,
but I can't really recall the sensation
too much. So it was more like her
sucking your dick, and it wasn't getting
fully hard, and then it just kind of ended.
You know, I don't have much
of a problem with the whiskey dick,
but I remember I was standing on top of an air
conditioning unit in a side yard when
it happened. But again, don't really remember the sensation.
And it was a different occasion than once she smoked the meth in front of me.
So hopefully she was sober that night.
Yeah, I'm sure she was.
It might have been better if she was high on methamphetamine.
More attention to detail.
My window is just open right now.
So anybody walking by or any neighbors outside,
I can hear this conversation. I'm excited about that.
I'm looking them in the eye tomorrow.
Where are you at by the way?
I'm in Los Angeles, right in the heart,
right in the heart of Los Angeles. And it's, it's rough, man.
Sometimes I envy you guys out in the slightly less populated places of
America.
I'm from Northern California where you can find parking spots and go into Starbucks without a junkie nodding out on the table next to you.
I miss that sometimes, not having that.
Do you find, though, that the networking you can do in LA is helpful to YouTube?
For sure, man.
Yeah, you guys mentioned that my channel received attention this spring is when it happened.
That was when I collaborated with Nelk, YouTubers Nelk.
I'm not sure how familiar you guys or your audience are with them.
But that basically came about because they hit me up at 10 p.m.
We're like, hey, man, I sent them some ideas.
I wrote a couple bits down for them.
And they gave me a call at 10 p.m. one night.
Like, hey hey come by the
house we're throwing ideas around and i obviously wouldn't have been able to capitalize that had i
lived capitalize on that had i lived anywhere else and that turned into me being in a video with them
and that made me known nice yeah yeah i'm glad your content is is picking up and you have the
kind of content that's going to keep getting more and more and more popular because it's the kind of humor that people are starved for right now which is
just degenerate funny no holds barred kind of shit and you'll get bigger and bigger and bigger
until you're inevitably banned yeah canceled that's what you're looking it's canceled yes sorry
yeah it's uh my goal is to just do so many offensive things and piss
so many people off that when somebody looks at old offensive tweets or is looking for some
damning quote i made they're just going to be so overwhelmed and frustrated that they're just
going to be like we can't we can't cancel this guy he just doesn't give a fuck like
virtually everything i do is cance is uncance It's like, it's just, it's the norm with me.
My baseline is making a feminist want to pull the trigger with a pistol to her
head. That's what I do every week when I put a video out.
And it's very funny.
Thank you.
Like I,
I want to watch more of your shit because it it's genuinely funny.
I've been watching without audio the, I crucified him.
Yeah. It's genuinely funny. I've been watching without audio the I crucified him thing.
And the amount of effort you guys put into these Roman centurion costumes is admirable.
You clearly just didn't stop by a Halloween store.
There's accessories.
There's real shit.
That was a real bullwhip in there.
Yeah, for people who are curious, I think the best one to start off with is i had sex with a prostitute in nevada and uh that's that's like a fun one to watch we actually went to a legal whorehouse and i fucked one of them oh that's that's a good oh yeah exactly dude
was it the bunny ranch yep which one did you find let's find her yes do you know her name
yes she fought we follow each other on Twitter.
I think
she told me that guys
have come to the ranch who have seen the video
and requested her just to be Eskimo
brothers with me. Look at that. You're a job creator.
Yes.
Economy simulator.
What's her name?
Let me fucking...
Is this a wise thing to tell everybody right now yes clearly that's genius
this is what this is what this is why i'm reluctant because i believe she's she's going
to college right now she's going to get a real career and i don't want her to get an influx of
followers and messages rethink letting us film her because she wants to be anonymous now that she's graduating college.
So you're telling me that a prostitute told you she was doing this
so that she could go to college and have another career.
Post grad's expensive.
Come on. She's going to need that
influx.
Influx sounds like a sexual...
I hate to burst your
lovely naive bubble, but she's not
in college at all.
Well, she's going to unlp which is yeah
hell yeah brother yeah it's uh it was like 400 bucks and it was a pretty uncomfortable experience
i mean i the brothel thing wasn't i wasn't into it but i had to do it for the video content all
right stop me stop me when i'm on the one you did it with.
Was it Mercy Moselle, Giselle Bell, Air Force Amy, Alice Little, Mercedes,
Tiara Tay, Harley Lane, Bobby Bezos, Mia Amor, Aspen North, Jenny Jade,
Randy Ryder.
Is Randy Ryder a dude?
I didn't see any Randy in there.
No.
Nope.
And then, oh, there's pages of these bitches these bitches okay i'm not reading all this yeah um i i don't want to be a piece of shit to
your audience i think her name was i'm afraid to give out the twitter handle i don't know why
i'm afraid she's gonna have second thoughts and privacy complaints the video and i'm gonna have
to blur her face which would suck
because I treasure that video if there's one thing to know about our fan base they're always well
behaved they're always cool they're good Christian boys and they why if you watch my video
if you watch the video where I do it, you can see me
interviewing her up until
two minutes before my penis goes in her vagina.
So you can see her face clearly in a
well-lit scenario.
That's hilarious.
I need to find that video.
I'm sure that our fans won't watch that video
and list who she really is on the
subreddit. You've already given enough info
that they're going to find it within three minutes.
A quarter million people have seen the video, and she agreed to it.
So I don't know why I'm being so bashful about it.
They'll do shit like Woody will say,
I was at fucking the grocery store the other day,
and they'll be like, all right, I've narrowed, I've triangulated the grocery store.
He probably was saying,
oh, this is the fresh time
or salsa fresh
or whatever it is that he was at.
Yeah, they're
respectable individuals. I love them all.
Oh, yeah.
Do you guys run into fans
in the street? Because you are
in these smaller cities. Does that,
is that something that happens to you when you're out and about?
I'm in Atlanta.
It's happened a handful of times ever.
Yeah.
A handful.
Yeah.
I don't think I get out all that much.
Same with me.
It's the only time I get recognized is when I'm out on a film shoot,
basically,
because we're at Venice beach or in Las Vegas.
Usually I just never leave my house,
so I don't even think about it.
Yeah.
It might happen a little more often
if I consistently went to places with populations.
Yeah, and if you go to a place
that's more your demographic,
that'll definitely happen more.
You know, maybe...
If I'm out all day at the mall or something it's probably
gonna happen yeah but that's because i've done so much stuff with they're like me on camera
rather than this which is uh like like a big percentage of our listeners are do audio only
every once in a while like i'll have some clothing that says woody's gamer tag on it which is my
channel name and i'll get recognized it's like wow like what can you believe that happened and then i realized
like oh i've just freaking branded myself like that oh that's my favorite is like i've seen
people before wearing like my t-shirts and like just walk up to them and just like nice t-shirt
and keep moving that's a good move i've done that i've done that before and that that's
really funny that's at least to me anyway um i i like doing that a lot yeah that guy gave me
what's your uh what's your uh when you guys look at your demographics what's your target or what's
your main two age groups do you guys have kid or two looked at ages. 18 to 25 is the big one. It's got to be. You know, it's 98% guys.
Yeah, it's young edgelords.
And there's like three women.
Me too.
Same thing.
Identical.
Yeah.
For sure.
It's 18 to 25, then 25 to 34, the two overwhelming majority men.
And then some.
And dude, because I'm on Instagram, though though i get so many just mouth-breathing
14 year olds leaving comments that it feels like they're a much bigger demographic than they
actually are but i'm the same as you guys mostly 20s 30s yeah and there are certainly outliers i
mean like i mean we we we we would do these paintball events in years past where we'd get
to meet our fans and And I really like that.
I like getting to see the people and,
and interact with them too,
because like,
like I just sort of lumped them all into one thing.
Like,
ah,
they're 18,
20,
18 to 25 year old edge Lords,
you know?
But,
and that might be the majority of them.
But if you're out there hearing that,
like,
Hey,
that's not me.
I know it's not you.
You know,
there's, there's plenty of people who are outliers who are like well-adjusted, socially competent, good-looking, successful, smart, witty, funny guys.
And we will meet them.
You might be able to lure them into bed, too, if you play your cards right.
I mean, if I keep complimenting them this way, it's a no-brainer.
It's going to happen.
But, you know, we'd go to those events and we would meet
a very mixed bag of individuals.
There would be girls occasionally.
There was a guy
who clearly
had some sort of mental illness who was
wrapping himself in duct tape
and sitting in the hot sun all day.
As soon as you said mental, I was like, I know where this is
headed and I know the guy.
If that guy's listening, I apologize.
I don't mean that you're like a psychopath.
I just mean that you were a little different.
You know what I mean?
And that's a good thing.
You're a unique fella.
And I appreciated that you took all of those cups from your mother's workplace and gave them out to us randomly.
I still have one of them in my kitchen today.
And I think of you every time I look at it.
one of them in my kitchen today.
And I think of you every time I look at it.
And I think of you wearing that duct tape vest that you fashioned to yourself and how you sat in the hot sun for hours just to have a little
conversation with us.
And you would have definitely heat stroked out and died if I hadn't come to
your rescue with that Gatorade.
So,
you know,
I appreciated you,
but there's also some like normal dudes who it's like,
ah,
man,
you,
you,
you're a fan of us. Cause you seem yeah a little bit of everything yeah and there's older people you know
like like like i think i i had that experience with with like people who just watched me in the
past like like there would be like ladies in their 50s who like were really into what i did you know
like like and and would follow me on twitter and i
would always recognize like they would always reply there was this one lady who was like
48 45 48 years old from texas who was like definitely good looking about 15 years ago
and every time i tweeted any still fuckable and every time I tweeted anything she's replying oh that's real nice sugar
oh that's real nice sweetheart
like you can always
like I can always tell sometimes
it's hard to tell when a lady likes you
or not because they're not as like thick as
we are and they're not as out with it
but like I was at Zaxby's the other day and this
big fat sea cow of a girl
like called me sweetheart four times in a row
yeah right and i know this
this is a this is a semi-related topic because a lot of things i talk about with a lot of other
influencers is how do you deal with the sudden influx of women pursuing you over Twitter and Instagram. Oh yeah. I don't know if you guys do that.
Send cock pics first,
ask questions later.
That's actually what just happened with 905 shooter and Nelk.
I don't know if you guys saw this,
but I just saw on Twitter.
Okay.
So Nelk fired their longtime cameraman and they didn't make clear immediately what the reasons for that firing were.
But now the rumor got out that it was he was sending masturbation videos just in mass to all kinds.
Any girl who would follow him, he would just err on the side of jerking off on camera and sending the video.
A true king.
Exactly.
One just surfaced on Twitter of him.
He goes filming his face and he just flips down to his cock and he just starts a windmill in his cock that he said that to a girl,
just face dick.
It's on Twitter.
Now that just broke today.
That's hilarious.
They fired him.
I guess.
Yeah.
I think he was trying to fuck all their sisters too.
He was,
he was stepping over some boundaries.
Oh,
that thing is a boundary.
Yeah.
That's not a boundary.
I like this guy.
Can we get him on the show i want this
cock wind milling man whore he's still unconcerned yeah i'd love to have this guy on
i feel like we get him to immediately share the like like yeah that'd be so yeah um you know that that that's a
i think that's a thing for different uh different people um you know it depends what you do online
whether there is whether there are a bunch of like fangirls or whatever i think that a lot of gaming
guys don't really get that like we all came from
that background like uh you know call of duty stuff um yeah call the commentaries and stuff
like that and there's just not a lot of girls that are into that um you could say almost zero
we should have played almost dead that's where the bitches are so. All those well-adjusted bitches.
You know, I mean, I've had some female fans throughout the years, of course.
But, like, I think it really depends on what you're doing on YouTube.
I'm sure there are people who just have... If you're one of those guys who has a YouTube channel that has, like, a 50-50, like, split of females to males,
it's got to be just such an incredible overflow of
pussy it's got to feel like beatles mania i think the problem because i know a guy
who had an audience like that 50 50 and the problem with that is is women are so emotional
and sensitive that if you do if so he got canceled he did a video where he was grabbing girls' asses,
and it was faked.
But it was totally faked and staged.
But still, the outrage, everybody online thought it was real.
What was his name?
His female audience.
I've talked about it with him on stream.
It was something.
Oh, was it Sam Pepper?
Was it Sam Pepper?
I'm only saying that because I've talked about it with him on stream before.
He's a buddy of mine.
But his female audience, dude, they are so fickle.
And they are so quick to turn on you.
Whereas, I mean, my audience, I'm not saying I'm going to do it.
But I could probably walk in with a fucking selfie-style iPhone roll
and start grabbing asses on the pier tomorrow.
And my audience would probably love it.
You know, if you do that, I'll give you a like. Which you want me to do. grabbing asses on the pier tomorrow. And my audience would probably love it.
You know, if you do that, I'll give you a like.
Which you want me to do?
Is it that or the Prophet Muhammad?
Which one do you guys want me to put higher up on the list?
Either one, I'm sucking your dick. I want you to grab the asses as Muhammad.
If you don't dress up as Muhammad soon, I'm going to suck your cock.
And that's a promise, not a threat.
Well, for you, for you mr president it's
done yeah yeah that sounds like sam pepper that's his story oh yeah okay i don't even or no we've
talked sam pepper he rolled with ice right yeah for a while yeah yeah yeah we've had ice on the
show before i don't know what the fuck he's up to now. I do know that a new picture got posted of Blade's leg,
and holy shit.
It looks like a bullet wound.
It's cavernous.
So to catch our guest up,
there's a guy from the Call of Duty community.
His screen name is OnlyUseMeBlade.
His whole shtick was he only used a knife in Call of Duty,
and that's what set him apart from everybody else.
He made these Call of Duty commentaries, and he'd stab people only.
And it was cool, right?
And he's a real chill guy.
He's doing commentary, and he's talking about his life.
You get to know the guy, and you like him a lot.
Very likable gentleman.
And in later years when Call of Duty kind of fell out of vogue,
he's ended up doing a lot of live streaming.
And that sort of lent itself to his other passion in life, which is drinking.
And people would donate for every shot he took.
And that's a terrible thing for someone who's prone to alcoholism.
And so he's an overweight gentleman.
He's a big guy.
He's not like 5'10 and really overweight.
He's like 6'3, 6'4 or something. He's a big fella. But he's an overweight gentleman. He's a big guy. Like it's, he's not like five, 10 and really overweight. He's like six,
three,
six,
four or something.
He's a big fella,
but he's quite overweight.
And you know,
he's living that sedentary lifestyle.
Again,
I like played a lot.
I've always had great times with him when we hung out together,
but he's become what I can't,
I,
there's another way to say it,
but an alcoholic and a dangerous one at that dangerous to himself,
not to anyone else.
I don't think. And he's developed this leg way to say it, but an alcoholic and a dangerous one at that dangerous to himself, not to anyone else. I don't think.
And he's developed this leg condition recently where it looks like something
that maybe diabetics get.
I don't,
I'm not a doctor at all,
of course,
but,
but he's getting these sores on his shins and,
and calves that are oozing.
You were telling me he drank a sugary alcohol.
Like help me.
He drinks Jaegereger he's a big
fan of jaeger so jaeger meister that's related to the diabetes like would that be yeah jaeger has
so much sugar in it it can't help i don't know that he has diabetes i'm just saying they're
diabetic like symptoms with the with the he has this necrotic flesh thing going on where it looks like his legs are dying and rotting away
and there are holes in his flesh that ooze pus or fluid of some kind and it's hard to look at
yeah and uh and and i mean that's and it's um what's the d word i'm looking for not debilitating
not degradating it's it's getting worse degrading
maybe that's it it's getting worse like i saw pictures of it we'll call it a year ago it didn't
look good but it also looked like bruises that maybe i've seen on healthy people too okay cool
then i see it a little later and it's like wow actually so this isn't like a normal thing that
i see all the time it's rotting in a way that I'm not accustomed to.
And I saw it more recently and it's like, whoa, how is this guy?
It seems to have it together in some ways, just so not have it together in regards to health.
I'm trying to find the photo of the most recent one now.
I'm coming up short.
I'd be curious to do that too.
Yeah, we got gotta find it.
It was, like what he said, bruises
for a while, but the entire time
the lower part of his leg has been discolored,
which apparently is like a diabetic
thing. And oversized, right?
Yeah, almost like a lymphoma.
And his urine is so sweet, I can barely take it.
You don't have
my sugar scent uh consumption
i saw someone's cock named only use me blade and i've never tasted better cup
yeah that's the danger man of being a youtuber without any really defined talent those people
who are just on youtube to be on YouTube,
like you guys are gamers,
but you developed your radio chops.
So now you have other things you're doing.
I have some videos where I'm just out having sex with hookers drunk.
Nice by the way.
But then I try to always be working on my writing and my improv as well,
because I never want to be the guy who has to take shots for donations because
everything else on my channel is broken
down and there's nothing left to turn to.
We're used to clowning.
It's like having to eat...
That's his leg, by the way. I posted an image.
Maybe Woody can show it.
It's a full-on cavity
at this point. There's depth
to that wound. That's not as bad as I thought
it was going to be. I thought I was going to see something really disgusting.
You need to see the other side
of the leg too because there's another fat
one of those.
I feel like
you might be looking at that
and seeing
shucks. Hasn't every child
had a scrape like that?
Did you not have a leg similar to that when learning to
ride a bike? You have to look at it through a different lens this is just a leg that's
rotting without any real like he didn't just learn to ride a bike that's not how that happened
it just has an open wound that's not healing yeah he like bumped into a table five months ago
and that's what's become of it like it yeah i don't know how you can look at
your own leg and be like oh wounds aren't healing and not be scared as fuck have you seen that clip
of blade where he's on like the party bus and it's just him and that really cute blonde girl
that they stream with and it it's it's i i you don't know what he said to her? Is this the Bjorn
clip? I love that Woody's covering his
face like I was in the Joker when he
goes to do the stand-up comedy.
Because he's having
the same feeling I had, knowing
that the Joker's about to do something horrible.
It's just
Blade and this very attractive
young blonde lady. Very attractive.
I find her to be a real
8.5 out of 10.
Just real nice. I thought there was no
pussy in Call of Duty. What's happening now?
Well, now he streams with Ice Poseidon
and they have a party bus that they'll rent
like an RV and they have
cameras set up all over it. So they're streaming
every part of the RV.
The driver, the
kitchenette area, the bedroom area, and you can switch
between various streams and see what's going on.
So people have multiple windows open, and every individual is also streaming from their
phone, and you've got this sort of, it's like you're there with them.
It's pretty interesting because they do silly things.
Well, it's late at night, and everybody else has retired, fallen asleep or passed out, to be fair.
And it's just this blade guy and this cute girl sitting at the little kitchenette.
And he says, you ever been raped before?
Fair question.
No.
Yes. You want to wanna you could be
it's hard to watch that's what you call hopefully satire
as long as he does it i hope he stays true to his Call of Duty character and presses a K-Bar knife to her throat.
Got to be all by night.
Well, you're going to have to be on top because my legs are dead.
It's got to hurt your rape game.
Yeah, it was hard to watch.
These leg pictures.
I feel like they upset
the four of us more
than it upsets him.
I'm not too upset.
I think this guy should just drink himself to death.
It's weird to me
that he has what he has
and it hasn't become a top priority for him.
Exactly.
That's the best way to say it.
If any of us, any of us any of the
four of us had a necrotic leg leg thing we would pop on over to the urgent care or our primary
physician i had some long eyebrows the other eyebrow hairs the other day and i was like oh my
god these have to be taken care of oh my my i got a haircut today my haircut lady was even more aggressive
i get a different woman every time because i don't fucking care but was usually they say
do you want me to also take care of those eyebrows this time the woman said so you're
gonna want me to take care of this eyebrow just just curves up it grows up i think it adds character uh
yeah and uh i is that what they fix they change the one eyebrow they just reshape it
yeah they would just like shave it down and make it normal and i'm always like no it's fine
it's it's fine oh i didn't notice it was gone like i when i first met you i noticed it was
there but i didn't notice the absence of it it's first met you, I noticed it was there, but I didn't notice the absence of it.
It's still there.
They just toned it down a notch?
No, I don't let them do it.
I say I'll take care of that at home,
but I never take care of it at home.
See, I had about three to four hairs per eyebrow
that were growing like four times longer than they should.
Like they were up here.
Like they were just like...
And it was like, oh my God.
I would have to like push them along
the path that they're supposed to go but occasionally i'd look and they had like grown
like up toward my hair it was like you just gotta scissor those guys i plucked them i have my own
issue so i uh danny you know i have a special needs son what i have one eyebrow and i don't
think it grows that long but it doesn't grow in the right direction.
It heads straight out like a little horn.
And Colin's like, huh, that won't do.
And like a ninja, just whoops, and it's gone.
And you don't have any choice about it.
There's no agreement.
There's no consent involved.
He's like, yeah, that's a flaw.
And this morning he was going, he's like, yeah, you got it.
This one's a silver hair, right? I'm like sitting at the kitchen island's a flaw. And this morning he was going, he's like, yeah, you got it. This one's a silver hair, right?
I'm like sitting at the kitchen island on a chair
and he's going like, no, no, no.
We can't establish this as a trend.
Colin, at some point they'll all be silver.
It's the brown ones that will be the misfits.
And that's where we are at my house.
That's hilarious that Colin's like,
I'm going to rid my father of those silver hair.
Meanwhile, he's just helping bald patches.
He comes up and grabs your whole chin.
Yeah, I'm like every time I get my haircut short,
like not that short, but just on the sides normal,
I see more and more silver hairs.
I'm only 28 i shouldn't
have that many gray hairs but i'm getting them and it's hopefully gonna make me hotter because
chicks seem to like that makes you look distinguished i hope my beard starts going
gray soon that'd be cool it's not yeah i mean what he is the biggest beard denialist Because his wife doesn't like the beard
So he's like oh it looks terrible
Woody has a dope ass beard
I don't
Everyone would be happy to have
I go straight to homeless
Like uh
I don't know how to say it
My beard comes in really grey
Over the course of a week I can add 15 years
That's how it comes in back me up it
looks distinguished as fuck these guys agree yeah i like you you look like a man though a man that's
what i'm going for and if you could be in an ad like slinging suvs or mid-end to high-end so like
for me if i had gray hair or a gray beard,
it would look retarded
because I still facially look like a child.
So I think you should own your gray hair,
and I think I'm the one who needs to worry.
Like if I went bald or had gray hair,
I'd have to dye it black or do something
to make it look like I was still a kid.
Do you grow a full beard when you let it go?
No, it's disgusting.
There's no connection here.
Like there's more hair on this side than this
side i i have i have to shave this is as far as it goes out let me uh let me do an ad read i linked
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to be slaying gash my friends slaying gash i use that term at home my wife was unimpressed
i would love to visit woody's house at some point just to gauge jackie's responses to my comments
if you really want to gauge you you should go to Woody's parents' house.
Oh, I
bet Woody's parents and I would
actually have a fun time.
Well, I think they're in Israel.
You ever been sprinkled holy water before?
They're in Israel
right now? Why? They always go to Israel.
It was funny. I called them.
I didn't know where they were.
I made a joke like because I
left a message on the answering machine like yeah you're probably in Israel or something
and like they were and uh we played phone tag for a bit so my mother just sent me a message hey love
you we'll be back I don't want to give their whole dates out but we'll be back shortly and we're going
to Israel again how much is there to do in Israel? They don't have paintball, probably.
They don't have skiing.
You can probably ride those buggies
on sand dunes, which is fun.
But it's like the size of New Jersey.
What are you going to fucking do in Israel?
Hop on a camel and redo Moses' 40-mile...
That's terrible.
Are you afraid to give out the dates
your parents are in Israel?
What is anybody going to do with that information?
They're just aware that their house is...
Actually, they probably have a house sitter because they're dogs.
That's true.
An armed house sitter.
Don't go.
You are underestimating our listeners.
I guess so.
Yeah, they're smart individuals.
That sort of thing close to the chest.
Yeah.
I'm glad they're going to have access
to the information of the hooker I had sex with.
This doesn't have anything to do
with the hookers you fucked or anything like that.
Just to be clear,
she's already dead.
It's like that scene from The Matrix
where I'm like,
I told you not to send your men
until we got here.
I think my men can handle one little girl.
No, Lieutenant.
Your men are already dead.
That's your poker right there.
Like our fans have already found out.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's Elrond.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's Elrond.
Yeah.
Your men are already dead.
I looked up that, guys.
I looked up the guy's net worth once, if you're curious.
$30 million.
That accurate.
Hell yeah, man.
Good for you.
If anybody wanted to know that, they know now.
Woody, the second link I gave, no music.
Oh, hang in there.
Are we watching this?
Oh, we're watching.
Dude, I'm like seconds in and the editing has his deadpan face.
His eyes are so dead.
It's his drunk face.
It's that second link. What we do is we click the link,
we pause it at zero seconds,
and then we do a countdown and we play it together
so we can all experience this.
I'm sorry. Was I fucking that up?
No, no, no.
It's whatever, but that's
what we're about to do.
Put it on zero seconds and we'll all watch it together.
And laugh.
Okay, I'm going to join. Let's do it.
Are we ready? I am ready.
Ready, set, play.
You've been raped.
No.
You should be.
You should be.
No.
You should be.
You should be?
In that sing-songy voice.
You should be.
That's hilarious.
You're right.
It's the sing-songy voice that makes it more funny.
To me, it's the dead look in the beginning.
Just the opening seconds of it,
the seriousness.
That's so funny.
No, you're right.
It's not funny.
His comedic timing is a little off there.
Yeah, as comedy.
Imagine if you're hurt and you're all alone with him.
They're alone?
I figured Bjorn or someone else was around. Somebody holding a camera.
I think that's a stationary camera because there's cams set up all over the place.
I could be wrong about that, but I know there are.
That's a way better...
They captured that moment way better than i thought they were
going to capture that moment i'm excited there's a zoom effect as he asks have you ever been raped
right i think that's editing i think that's editing after the fact using at using you know
after effects or something like they do lots of neat things with the cameras like they'll have a
they have a robot camera that the audience can actually control if they pay and they can drive
it around and so what the audience will do is if they pay and they can drive it around.
And so what the audience will do is they'll try to drive it under the girls
and get upskirts.
That's dope.
Yeah.
Our audience would never do something like that.
Our audience would usually go molest a child or something.
No,
our audience are,
they're good boys looking for good humor.
And so you get a good humor.
I was at a,
I got my haircut today.
And as I was coming out from the haircut area where they're like,
all right,
we'll take your payment out front.
I went out there and there was a mom and her adult son in front of me.
So I was waiting behind him.
The adult son had down syndrome and heilarious. Keep going.
He was dressed
like someone from
Sons of Anarchy.
And when I say like someone
from Sons of Anarchy, I mean
he had a leather vest on,
the plaid shirt like
the blonde guy from the main thing.
It had the
fucking emblem of Sons of anarchy on his back with
like the the hammer and the sickle and things he had rings on and when he like when his mom was
done paying or whatever and she was like all right let's go and he turned towards me i saw he even
had a redwood original patch on his chest and it just cracked me the fuck up like i it was hard for me
not to laugh standing there there's a guy with down syndrome just jacked out in sons of anarchy
like a literal character and in my head i'm like that's fucking Today, he decided to dress up like this. And then I was like, no.
He has Down syndrome.
Every day, he dresses up like a Redwood original.
I don't think he had one of the vice president or titles underneath it.
But, oh, man.
That gave me quite a gig. That's where you were.
Do you have the clarity of mind to even put together such an outfit like that?
Or was it apparent he was a huge fan of Sons of Anarchy?
I don't know.
Well, there are varying levels of Down syndrome.
Woody's pointed this out many times.
Some levels, they're smart enough that they'll pretend to be retarded to get favors which is the funniest kind of down that's me
yeah that's what i do as a red that's the resident retard i won't pretend to do that but
there are also like down syndrome levels where you're right like they like they're too debilitated
from the retardations to do that yeah from the retardation but god damn seeing that guy with the fucking
sons of anarchy patch a redwood original the exact same kind of plaid that whatever the main
guy in that show wears and wearing rings on top of it like he's gonna start brawling with people
with that strength you know it it just i don't know it was so funny so fucking funny seeing that
guy i hope next time i get my haircut he's there too down center people are not strong
yeah that's actually like a thing they they have like problems developing i think core strength
all kinds of strength yeah and it impacts they're usually late walkers for that reason too.
They're just like physically, they're not athletic people.
No, no.
Shocking.
Not very smart either.
No.
They make up for it with their academic prowess.
And their hygiene. they're nice hey the guy had a nice haircut and he smelled good so
i'm a little uh i don't i i my mom's a special ed teacher so i have a lot of material here i'm
hesitant to unleash though because you said you had a special needs son i do yeah dude
well i see i'm new to this show and I'm,
I'm feeling a little tongue tied.
Just,
just,
uh,
throwing out the shots that you guys are throwing out.
But,
uh,
no,
you're fine.
Okay.
I,
I volunteered for a third grade or it,
I don't think it was,
there was any kind of grades.
They just,
it was a congregation of the most severely mentally and physically handicapped people I've ever seen before.
And I remember there was one girl who had a head that looked like an upside-down flower vase.
And she was in a completely vegetative state being pushed around in a wheelchair for exercise one day out on the blacktop.
And that image has been seared in my head.
It looked like an upside down flower vase.
And I just wanted to share that.
I think you guys.
She was being pushed around for the exercise.
Who's exercising in this situation?
I did brain stimulation.
I don't know what was happening.
Yeah.
Who was exercise?
That's that's a.
I've got nothing to say.
I'm done.
There's no punchline to that story.
I saw that girl once.
On a scale of one to really retarded.
You fucked her, you said?
I thought you were asking me how hot she was.
No, she was retarded as can be, but solid 8.5.
Nice tits.
She had no teeth.
How could I not?
Oh, man. She gummed me right along.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I
want to run into
more people with Down syndrome dressed up as characters now.
And I don't think that's ever going to happen because in my entire life,
only one time has that happened.
And that was this afternoon.
So it doesn't bode well for the future.
If he had hypothetically been wearing cargo shorts and a Hollister button,
you know,
like polo shirt,
would that have been a worse outfit or a better outfit?
Honestly, better. would that have been a worse outfit or a better outfit honestly better it would have been it would have been quite a bit better like it would have been like you know that he's just he's got down syndrome he needs those pockets for his toys
and coins and stamps whatever he collects top his top they're spinning yeah yeah yeah his but yeah that
that made me laugh anybody have any fun retarded encounters recently yeah yeah my mom taught
special ed for a few years and uh when i was in third grade i went they were going on a field
trip to the tennessee aquarium and and uh she was like hey you want to tag along and as a third
grader i didn't realize that that would not be a very cool thing to go with a bunch of retarded kids to the aquarium.
And on the way back, Tiffany Jones shit herself on the bus.
And we all just had to roll the windows down and bear it.
I wonder if that were to happen in your class, Kyle.
Someone would be branded with a reputation that didn't go away quickly.
Yeah.
In the special needs class, is it like who amongst us has not shit the bus?
All they have to do is next class bring in enough crayons for everyone to eat and they're fine.
They're special needs, not Marines.
Yeah.
They're all too slow to even understand that the smell is someone has shit themselves.
They're just like, the butt smell bad today.
You know, they don't know.
But obviously, me as a fully functional human being and my mom and the other teacher, like, we understood that.
And it was compounded by the fact that my mom's other the other teacher picked an area for us all to have our picnic lunch at on the
way back.
And she picked the area that everyone walks their dogs in.
So every retarded kid stepped in dog shit.
That's the funniest part of the story.
They're probably like seeking it out.
Like, and I got another one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like all these retarded kids are out there stomping around in fucking huge dog turds while they're eating their PB&J.
Then we all get on the bus and Tiffany Jones drops a hot steamy load right in her fucking pants.
How many minutes into this trip did it take until you were like, I shouldn't be here?
Dude, as soon as we were on the way there, it was fine.
Because back then it was cassette players.
So I had my cassette player and I had my music, my headphones.
They had just taken all the kids out into the yard.
Go potty.
Go potty.
You know, we're on the bus and I'm just listening to my music.
And I had an alan jackson cassette
and uh and he said where now you're under on the chattahoochee and i'm like holy shit we're
crossing the chattahoochee that's cool and you know we get to the aquarium and i don't mind that
none of the kids understand i'm like look at that fish that's a grouper and they're just like group
group you know i'm just oh shit i've made a mistake and
then i'm we're in the gift shop buying the space food you know that dehydrated ice cream and stuff
and i realized none of the retarded kids were trusted with money so like i'm the only one and
so so they're like come on kyle it's just you and uh but but it was on the way back when when all of
the defecation occurred that i realized i'd made a big mistake because i was fine being by myself at the aquarium that was my mom was there you know
third grade you love hanging out with your mom yeah but it's what strikes me about this story
is tiffany jones that sounds to me like the name of the girl who got fingered behind the backstop
of the baseball field at lunch or like the designated hot chick in the class.
He was a little bit of a whore.
Didn't expect her to be the girl who shits her pants and has down syndrome.
It's funny that you remembered her name so clearly.
I remember that's her name.
I'm not just like making up a name.
And she was a big girl and you wouldn't finger her unless you wanted dirty
fingers, I guess.
Maybe like that.
She suffered at personal hygiene.
Clearly you wouldn't want to get up in there.
Were there any personal hygiene champs in this group or no?
I mean, it's been a long time ago.
I was eight years old.
I don't think anybody there was as clean as I was because I took baths.
Yeah, you actually did.
Didn't stomp and dog shit as a hobby or anything.
Like they're small fires.
I just imagine us getting off the bus
and the janitor coming on with a pressure washer
right behind us. Oh, not again.
Just having to hose the whole fucking
bus down. Yeah, that's absolutely story.
I'm no longer down for retard duty.
This goddamn
job. Where Tiffany gets
power washed directly.
She needed it. God, I bet her ass was rotten it. How much easier would have high school been
for getting laid if all of the really
hot chicks were also retarded?
Much
easier.
Is it ethical?
What show are you on, dude?
It's definitely not ethical to fuck retards.
Probably not. Maybe it's bigoted not to to fuck retard. Probably not.
Maybe it's bigoted not to fuck retard.
Wait, wait, wait, Taylor, I have it.
What if it's like alcohol, right?
Where you should just be at like an equivalent level of retardation
and then it's okay.
Not just a hat rack, my friend.
I would have pumped my numbers up.
You're like, God damn, you're a 20-shot bitch.
You're crawling on the floor over there.
No, like, for example, Kyle, let's say that I'm a girl.
If I'm very drunk and you've just had one or two,
then you're taking advantage of me and it's wrong.
Yeah.
But if you're also very drunk,
who's to say I'm not taking advantage of me and it's wrong. Yeah. But if you're also very drunk, well, who's to say I'm not taking advantage of you?
Exactly.
You know, if you're parallel drunk, everything is okay.
And that should apply to mental retardation.
That's what I'm saying.
She's so dumb, it'll take 20 shots to get there.
You're getting drunk to fuck retarded chicks, Kyle.
We're not on the same page yet.
You're supposed to be also retarded.
No, at this point,
we're not trying
to get the retarded chicks drunk we're just talking about their level of retarding i need
the shots because she's retarded trying to drink yourself into a parallel state of mind
it's like you're still not getting it it's the implication
it's the fucking it's the implication. It's the fucking... It's the implication.
I never knew any hot retarded chicks.
That would have been weird.
That seemed a little mutually exclusive.
I don't think it happens.
How is it not a thing?
I think it's because somebody else scoops them all up.
I'm already on the Nambla list.
I'll look up hot retarded girls.
I'll see what happens when look up hot retarded girls. I mean...
I'll see what happens when you Google
hot retarded girls.
It's impossible. Sexual obsessions and
mental retardation, a case report.
Because what is fitness?
I mean, what is hotness? It's being
physically in shape, having
personal style and personal hygiene
and all those things are very low
on the list of priorities for anybody who's retarded.
There's no way there's a hot retarded.
All of these photos are pictures of Greta Thunberg.
What the fuck?
It's not really, is it?
Hot retarded chick is her?
A huge number of them are.
That's the climate change
activist who got a lot of attention last month.
There's quite a few pedo pervs apparently
talking about this. Look at this toothy hoe
she'd be alright
mildly retarded daughter
I mean don't actually show people
Woody good god
this is private
it's too mean to show it's an actually retarded
child keep your teeth in your
mouth yeah
I didn't show her to anyone
because she's under 18 and it doesn't
seem right but i will say i bet she sucks at blowies i think we can all agree those teeth
are like she'd be great as a carrot peeler maybe i don't know that's that that's what i'm getting
it oh that's this is i feel like i just went too far. Not for anybody listening.
I just feel like I've damaged my soul a little.
This is like in Harry Potter
where Voldemort kept tearing his soul
a little bit at a time.
I feel like that's what this show does to me.
Oh, yeah.
You ever stop doing this show
and you're like,
man, I'm like a straight up bad person.
Sometimes people tweet me things I said before
and it's like, oh that was me that's awful
yeah i'll get done and i'll i'm impressed guys because i i'm impossible to offend and i'm a
scumbag and you guys had me a little nervous and we were talking making those child fucking jokes
yeah you got to come on the show yeah on the other hand i feel like i figured out a good
way for retarded people to get laid and that's kind of a public service so it balances out
dude they should do the same thing to do for dwarves because like for dwarves and midgets
they have conventions where it's like the atlanta dwarf conference and they all come together
and they fuck like rabbits they need to have that for the retardeds
as well yeah like the down syndrome boston conference and they all get to come together
and have fun sex and like why not do that i like to think that the same thing happens right like
a guy with a mild case of down syndrome is just slaying gash. He's the hottest guy at the conference.
He doesn't really dominate
his high school, but you take him
to the Down syndrome conference and suddenly
he's the best. Oh, well, around here
I'm kind of a big deal.
That's slick Mikey. He can tell
Tom.
No, not even the kind that reads
on the wall. The kind with the arms.
He can color inside the land
every time.
Wow.
Mikey,
my pussy getting wet for your
paint by numbers.
If I mistake mistake I peed
yeah
if I could do accents I would have
that would be a good idea
help relieve the stress of down syndrome
Americans by having
a nice fuck fest for them once or twice
a year that's all it takes
it'd be sweet if they released like five tickets
to the general public, but they were
all a thousand bucks for a regular guy
to come in and start fucking retards.
A black market would develop.
I would go. I'd turn to fans.
Too far, Danny.
Come on.
I apologize.
No, I'm on board.
We're all about business opportunities here.
Which one of you were on the page
of a child
fucker's website earlier?
Definitely not me.
Dude, that site is so
fucking terrible. Why is that allowed
up?
Danny has his own
rock band.
It's called System of a Downs.
Yeah, System of a Downs.
Oh, your poofy is downy soft.
You can just keep going.
Oh, it's horrible because they can't help it.
You know what?
They never say, you don't choose to be gay,
but you also don't choose to be a retard.
Do they say that?
I don't think anyone says that.
Are you sure?
I'm pretty sure that's their branding
this year.
Oh, so you know how
if a little person has a baby,
it could be small, it could be large,
it could be anything, right? It could be retarded, yeah.
What happens with Down syndrome?
Do they just emit random numbers of chromosomes in their sperm?
Help me out.
It's like when you, like, you know how you can use a potato to work a clock?
No.
Wait, how do you work clocks in Missouri?
I mean, like you plug the electrical wires in it and use it as a battery?
You plug the electrical, and that's what it is.
What you get when that happens is you just take the wires out of the clock wires in it. That's what it is.
What you get when that happens is you just take the wires out of the clock and plug it into another potato.
Two potatoes
attached by wires.
What does this have to do with Down Syndrome?
Again, I'm confused.
I'm not finding it.
Down Syndrome, the joke
is that Down Syndrome people have the same number of
chromosomes as a potato
instead of a human, which is they have an additional one.
I'm not sure a Down syndrome person can power a clock, though.
You know what?
In all fairness, we've never had a Down syndrome person as a guest.
And so I'd like to requisition Chiz to get us an actual...
Chiz doesn't have Down syndrome, you jerk.
Oh, no.
No.
But I'm sure everybody... Everybody has friends.
Okay.
He can find a Down syndrome person to come on the show.
Or just make it a joke.
Might be not.
I know.
I was trying to dig myself out of my previous bad joke.
It's the way this show goes.
Where does Chiz live?
He's from Northern California, as Twitter handle says.
Sacktown, Sacramento.
That's where I'm from.
That's where I was born and raised.
Oh, yeah.
You guys probably have a lot in common.
He's a proud Sacramento-ian.
I was going to keep it anonymous.
I think he's pretty open about living there.
I never know which secrets are mine to share, right?
Every now and then, I know a thing that I'm not supposed to get out there.
He's from the west coast i might tell danny privately but yeah yeah he yeah
like it was funny he's not from sacramento no he is he is he is i just wasn't sure if we could say
it or is he right he was so like amped up about the major league soccer thing it was like they're adding a new
team it's either going to be in sacramento or st louis and he was like messaging me about this
like a year ago and i was like yeah i don't fucking care i i can't tell you how much i i
hope that sacramento gets it st louis got it. That's too bad.
He would have liked that way more
than I'm going to like it.
Our fucking Cardinals got
humiliated by the Nationals.
Swept.
Also don't care about that. We won a Stanley Cup.
Fuck everyone.
That's what actually matters.
I think the biggest thing that happened in sports
recently is the Sixers won
that's where I am this year
Blues win 5-2 over the LA Kings
eat shit Kings
the Hurricanes kicked off
with the best record in the league
for a bit, for a hot minute there
they were the second to last
undefeated team in the league
Colorado was the first
Colorado didn't lose
in regulation until two days ago when they played the blues and i didn't know that color you know
how there's teams in professional sports where like inexplicably the record is so off center
where it's like man the uh meaning like oh the the philadelphia nba team and the new york nba team they're usually pretty similar but
philadelphia has won 10 of their last 11 in games that's you know that kind of like those stats
they bring out like st louis massacres colorado every time and new york slaughters us every time
inexplicable and thanks to the three people out there who found that
engaging.
Because no one fucking cares. Like, stop talking
about hockey. Nobody gives a shit, idiot.
So I have a thing here from, uh, this is
from one of our PKA patrons.
If you want to become a patron, there's a link down below.
Clickety-click, clickety-clack. Make it happen.
This is Bryce.
His Instagram handle is guywith2cats.
Two is a number. Cats has a Z
at the end if you really want to find
your own link to this. He got
a PKA tattoo.
This is
a terrible idea.
High IQ.
You're completely wrong.
This guy has never
shat himself on a bus, but he almost did.
This is, you got a tattoo based on our podcast.
I just don't know what to say.
I appreciate it.
You know what?
I'm going to take back what I just said.
Thank you for your support.
And that is hilarious.
And people are going to be walking behind you and search it on their phones.
And they're going to find my racist accent copulation.
You know, based on the surrounding tattoos, this might be his best tattoo, though.
So I'm going to take back what I said.
Good job.
That's a lot of dedication.
What does that say?
Golf?
Win?
Golf? Something? Something demonic. that's a lot of dedication what does that say golf win golf something something demonic i have no idea what that is yeah uh of the tattoos i can see on your calf pka is the best
he does seem to be in pretty good shape though so we have to give that to him i bet he's fit
you gotta be fit to kind of have the
misplaced confidence that this was a good idea dude i like the tattoo i think you guys are all
insane i think are you gonna get one now too i'm i mean it could happen there's a non-zero chance
that that would happen right on your calf back there you you're proud of your calves. I am, and I'm proud of the show.
Why is there ink between the K
and the A?
Why does it have minus three points?
People don't like it.
You can vote on it?
People downvoted it three times.
Let's all vote for it.
I don't know how Imgur works.
I don't have an Imgur account.
Oh, do I? Me either. Oh neither oh i do i'm logged into something okay well at the very least i'm i'm glad he did
it in black instead of red black looks much better and now the real goal should be for us
to say things so reprehensible he doesn't want the tattoo anymore.
Yes.
I can't get on board with that.
Dude, it's cool.
He did a cool thing.
Oh, it is cool.
Put your calf where your mouth is or I don't want to hear it.
Oh, I have Painkiller Already is my favorite podcast on my penis because it's so long.
That's interesting because I have Painkiller Ready
is not only a good podcast,
I would say it's possibly
the best podcast to have ever existed.
On your head.
And it...
Mine just says P.
I got semi-colons on my dick.
Separating independent clauses
that's that's real dedication i i was shocked when i saw that
i'm honored i really am there are a few little things like little things i get honored i'm
honored when a guy from sweden is in my live stream because it's late there and why would
it be up from 3 a.m. watching my dumb ass?
This guy got a tattoo of our show.
That, I think everyone listening should do the same.
For the longest time, I was on the train.
It was probably on this show where I'm like,
if the Blues ever win a Stanley Cup, I'm getting a tattoo, 100%. And then they won their first Stanley Cup last year.
And I'm like, yeah, but not really.
Not for real, though.
I don't think... Yeah, the three of us,
we have no tattoos, right? I don't.
I definitely would have...
If I had gone All-American
in swimming, I would have gotten one. That's the thing. A lot of people
do this particular tattoo with an eagle.
A lot of wrestlers get it, too.
Yeah. A lot of my wrestler get it too yeah a lot of
wrestlers with the all-american tattoo it's easier to resist tattoos when you look up how expensive
those things are yeah holy shit once you get past the age like i'm once you're past 30 i'm past
tattoo time and the same thing with psychedelic drugs now i'm not gonna go smoke dmt i'm not
gonna climb a mountain in peru and take
ayahuasca oh i'm the opposite dmt is more appealing to me every year maybe it'll cycle back around
for you danny maybe once i hit my 40s i had something to look forward to joe rogan pitches
dmt hard and i started getting tattoos like a maniac later in life also so my theory isn't
holding up too well he acts like it's a permanent upgrade to your RPG character,
that you'll just be more creative and open-minded and intelligent,
and you'll look at problem-solving in a new way,
and he just sees it as a life upgrade.
And I'm like, shit, I'm here in leather armor.
I feel like he's kind of backing off against some of his wilder stances.
He used to be the non-moon landing believer guy.
Like, that was his thing.
He would go on shows and talk shit about the moon landing.
I haven't heard him bang that drum in a decade.
He's gotten off that.
So I don't know if he's backing off.
There's another thing, though.
I didn't watch the highlight, but the clip says,
I used to get way too high before this podcast.
And that might be the change.
Did you watch the clip? I haven't get way too high before this podcast. And that might be the change. Did you watch the clip?
I haven't.
Me too.
There's like three Joe Rogan clips a week or a day that surface like that that are clickbaities. With the moon landing thing, what happened is he just started having some guests that were very smart and very well versed about the moon landing.
And they just explained it to him.
Like, yeah, man, man we went here's why
and they convinced him
you know
there have been people who are like
you've been bought out
you're bought and paid for
big moon has bought Joe Rogan
big NASA
yeah but I prefer big moon
if you think about it
the moon landing conspiracy to me sounds like one of the Big NASA. Yeah. Yeah. But I prefer big moon. If you think about it, it's funny.
The moon landing conspiracy to me,
it sounds like one of the most plausible conspiracy theories.
Because if you think about it,
in the year 1969,
I mean,
what jet engines had developed 20 years before that.
And then all of a sudden they had the technology to not only shoot something up into space,
but then something off came off that thing
and like went down to the moon landed safely then went back up to the other thing shot around the
moon and came back to earth i'm not a scientist it sounds complex do you are you trying to expect
me to believe that this happened under the nixon administration not before it and not since and you don't trust this no it's totally realistic
the real one
that like we do a bit
on the show every few months or
so where we bring in conspiracy theories
and we try and convince the
other two of us I sent you a text
just today that hilarious
by the way and
the the one that uh woody did was tower seven for
9-11 and i had never given enough of a shit to even look into that and even after woody gave
that little presentation i like did just the most basic topsoil level of research and i was like this shit doesn't make any sense
like what happened tower seven is sketchy i actually did mine i thought the um pennsylvania
plane was shot down instead of just crashed i wouldn't disagree with you yeah tower seven
there's a group called engineers and architects though that's legitimate scholars who are pushing
for independent investigation based off how sketchy that story is so that one is pretty plausible yeah i agree they're like yeah
building fell down a couple blocks away and it was pretty hot so you know that takes down all
kinds of other buildings yeah it doesn't take down any other buildings but the one that was
like a building away yeah not yeah down for people i who are listening, I don't know what it is.
It's the only steel skyscraper in history to have been brought down by fire.
There was a fire in like two floors, like a couple of office chairs were burning,
and the whole thing pancaked.
Just, I'm exaggerating a little bit.
There were a couple floors legitimately on fire.
Just imploded, controlled demolition style collapse, like the other two two towers even though tower seven wasn't hit by any kind of play i didn't know
it was even on fire i the pancake collapse thing kind of makes sense to me like for example right
if i hit the top of a pole then the bottom of the pole would move right away so when this thing
collapses it's possible that like that shock load zooms to the bottom in a
hurry it doesn't have to collapse one floor at a time i'm such a whore i don't know i'm in the
same boat i'm like this is this is fake and someone will be like actually science says and
i'm like well then maybe it's real yeah how am i gonna argue I'm going with whoever talked to me most recently. Yeah.
That really is the thing.
It's like, okay, whoever gave a compelling gaze to me most recently,
that's what side I'm on. And then someone's like, actually, Tower 7 can be explained by fucking winds
and this and that.
And I'm like, fuck, man.
It sounds good.
If there weren't spectacles and they got an english accent i'm sold
it's all i need my british accent i'll believe them no matter what my conspiracy theory was
the holocaust agreed you did a great job proving your point mixed reviews mixed reviews did you
actually come on and battle did you try to dispel the notion of the holocaust that's fucking funny i think it was it was that it was wildly overblown i was saying that not that many people were i
don't even remember your points but it was like i'm such an idiot that i was like sitting there
listening to our dumb ass podcast bit where we bring in conspiracies and kyle's like and did
you know the fucking uh they they couldn't hide that much bone dust or whatever.
And I'm like, oh shit, maybe they couldn't.
I sent Taylor a picture today and it's like, the picture is, it's from Breaking Bad and it's Jesse and Walt sitting in the car.
And it says, the text reads, 6 million in six years means more than a per hour every hour, day and night, non-stop.
Not to mention that the
average cooking time for each one is 2
hours. It's just not feasible, Jesse.
That was a very funny meme.
Very inappropriate, but very funny.
That's what makes it funny.
That's what makes it funny.
I was a history major, and we actually had professors that would take time to dispel the Holocaust denier theories.
And they were saying that the Holocaust denier theories are built around just finding date inconsistencies in diaries and then extrapolating that people were lying based on that.
But I missed the presentation, so I don't have all the details here.
Your presentation.
Yeah, that also sounds really boring.
I wouldn't have paid attention either.
I put together a PowerPoint for mine.
It would be so funny if one episode
after we did the conspiracy thing
is Kyle comes back with a full-ass PowerPoint.
Just projected on that wall.
Also, this is...
I want to see the crazy yarn conspiracy theory shit.
Like, this guy connects to this guy.
You know, with Charlie Kelly with his cigarette turning around.
Yeah, that's what you want.
Yeah.
We've covered today...
I would say two of the most bannable offenses on YouTube
Holocaust denial
and pedophilia. We've tackled
both head on today.
Well, none of us deny the Holocaust.
Not now that Kyle walked away.
Woody and I do not do that.
That was a great bit to bring in for the Woody and I do not do that.
That was a great bit to bring in for the conspiracy thing because I went really light with it
about the Denver airport and one other one.
That was actually interesting.
I think I did that.
I think Syria might have talked about a different time.
Then you did tower
seven and kyle did went fucking whole hog with the holocaust which was that's hilarious that's
really fucking funny yeah good good for him for being funny and like i i guarantee there
wait what is this what is this you keep linking woody oh it has my attention so um the irs followed
bitcoin transactions resulting in a takedown of the largest child exploitation site on the web
so these guys had kiddie porn and let me just read a little bit from the top paragraph because
news works like this the largest dark web child pornography site in the world has been taken down
that's the word today from the u.s. Attorney's Office in the District of Columbia.
The criminal department, whatever, whatever, whatever.
According to the agents became aware of Welcome to the Video,
the largest child sexual exploitation market by volume of content
because their work on previous dark web marketplaces.
Anyway, what was interesting, especially about this to me, is the IRS was able to trace Bitcoin transactions to the site for people all over the
world who were uploading and downloading the material, as well as the file location of the
site administrator. By analyzing the blockchain and de-anonymizing Bitcoin transactions, the agency
was able to identify hundreds of predators around the
world even those who thought they could remain anonymous and that was the part that that kind
of captured my interest i'm not a crypto expert i don't pretend to be but i thought that anonymizing
it was kind of part of the deal that it was almost like cash that's what i would imagine right and um
almost like cash.
That's what I would imagine.
Right?
And it appears that it's not that anonymous and that if you think Bitcoin is like cash
and you're using it to buy your whatever hitman on the dark web,
then they can trace it back to you.
And not only like...
If you're using Bitcoin to buy child porn,
I fucking hope they find you.
You're a piece of shit.
Thank you for sharing this news.
I'm going to take this out back and bury it real quick.
This is my second hard drive yeah yeah that's interesting i i guess i always thought the anonymity of it was kind of uncrackable
i i talked about this on my stream and a lot of people seem to know already that like bitcoin
being anonymous is a myth and i wonder how anonymous it is right like they're able to i'm messing what's tor like the
onion router like that yeah apparently that's not quite as anonymous as you think it is it
supposed to be also that they're able to get people through that um i don't know i did just
how do i commit illicit crimes over the internet without getting caught exactly don't know. How do I commit illicit crimes over the internet
without getting caught exactly?
Don't ask me.
I'm a good legal boy.
So I don't know.
I don't even know how to plug in my microphone.
I'm not taking my chances with Bitcoin and child porn.
What about your phone?
Are they proud?
I don't watch child porn. Edward Snowden was just on Rogan talking about the dangers of your phone right can they are they proud edward snowden was just on rogan talking
about the dangers of your phone i don't you don't want that phone anywhere near you if you're going
to say anything that you wouldn't want said publicly you know what i don't like about my
phone recording me is that when i'm looking at memes and funny things while i'm shitting
it's getting all of my struggling to shit faces.
And I do not want those faces out there. It's not
attractive. Almond has fiber
and it only makes you
kind of fat.
I don't want anybody looking at my shit faces.
I thought you liked cashews.
Everyone says that.
Cashew Matthew.
Cashew.
I'm getting capital T's out of that lately
don't throw stones
yeah yeah
but no I
there's no cashews in my
well they might be in the trail mix
you're missing out cashews are the best of nuts
so Taylor I know that Woody is getting
Call of Duty tonight or soon enough
it comes out tonight
I probably will be convinced to get it as well that woody is getting call of duty tonight or soon enough it comes out tonight um i probably
will be convinced to get it as well do you know how big it is guys like i know i'm just wondering
the download okay let me guess
i'm guessing a quarter hundred 250 gigabytes well i mean that's outrageous i think it's like 122
i think it's 122 gigs i love when
people ask something hoping to shock you how big it is and then someone's like they're like how
much you think i got this car for you're like i don't know nine thousand dollars you know you know
how much my dad's heart surgery was it was crazy i don't know nine billion dollars oh that's sorry no that's good
why is the game so huge i don't fucking know i i had to go clear out hard drive space because
i've got ssds and they're both like they're medium size they're not big at all um so so i i just
cleared out some space i deleted a game or
two that's probably won't buy that shit it's the thing about cod that i felt like was often
underrated people used to blast it for being 60 then 60 more if you wanted all the stuff
but it's a huge game like you buy cod and then you get a campaign usually i think and then you
get like zombies on top of it or spec ops or what have you. It's a giant
download because it's three games.
Basically, it's three games, yeah.
Not this time. I mean, it is
this time, but when I'm spec ops...
I don't know. I feel like zombies is so
much more intricate than whatever spec.
Spec ops can suck, Mike.
Spec ops could... I'll suck
spec ops this time.
That was for me. I appreciate that.
If they don't bring zombies back, I'm going to fuck them.
It's a new tentpole joke.
I'm the president. You can't do that.
I'm with you on...
I've only played SpecOps on Modern Warfare 2.
I don't know if it's been in other ones.
Yeah, it's been a long time.
Yeah, and I don't know why it was so much worse than zombies,
but it never really captured my imagination.
The new Spec Ops, though, from what I hear,
they put a lot of effort into it, and it's supposed to be good.
So I'm willing to try it again.
Zombies is so high effort.
There's a whole storyline,
and there's built-up characters with backstories,
and they get celebrities to play the characters every year,
the four playable characters, and all the maps are different, and they get celebrities to play the characters every year the four playable
characters and all the maps are different and they come up with all these unique weapons and all these
really intricate like uh like easter eggs and puzzles to even play the game properly it's fun
i you know i don't know if they're going to be able to duplicate that with spec ops ever
like i whenever i went to the treyarch studios it was like oh yeah this is
their multiplayer department and down there and then you look and there's a hallway and they had
like it was like decorated like zombies it was incredible it was like that's where they make
zombies it's like a whole branch of the building they had at the time they had that uh but that
level with the bus that would pick you up and take you to each part of the map and they had the
worst map in history but they had the front of the map. Worst map in history. Worst map in history,
but they had the front of the bus mounted on the wall.
Like the front of a bus had been lasered off
and stuck to the fucking wall.
I have a thing about Spec Ops I want to say.
Like a billion a year.
So I hope I have my details right,
but I think that this year the Horde version of Spec Ops,
which I thought was the more interesting one,
is a PS4 exclusive.
And it's the mission-based one that will get on PC.
And that's super disappointing.
That sounds fucking dumb.
Yeah, I would not like that.
Even zombies in the last few zombie-fueled CODs.
I haven't played a lot of them, but there's just too much in the way of Easter eggs.
When you're spending so long, like, if I shoot this light bulb and then look over here and crouch, maybe something will appear.
Like, I don't like that.
I have an issue with the complexity it takes to do straight stuff, right?
Like, you could jump into...
Straight stuff's stressful.
You could jump into a regular zombies
and know how to turn the power on
or discover it, right?
Like I don't need a tour guide
to tell me how to do things
that are a core part of the game.
But now it's like,
you do what?
You summon Chalupa?
And you like...
For me...
Yes, first you must summon the Chalupa
and then the
seven layer burrito
Chalulu
you know I summon
Chalupas
I'm hungry
I think that spec ops will be for everyone
but it's coming out first for
PlayStation
it's one of first for PlayStation.
It's one of those things like, remember when they had it?
What's your level of confidence? Because I'm pretty confident.
Well, in the PlayStation trailer, it says
play it first on PlayStation 4.
For a year.
I'm looking it up real quick. Is it model number four?
The game's dead in a year. I agree.
Before
Check Ops.
Well. before well I may or may not get it I'll see
how many of my friends actually buy it I see
some of them are trying to play right now
but the servers are like overloaded
I guess Dr. Disrespect is trying to play right
now and despite the fact that he's like
sponsored by Call of Duty like he can't
get into a game so well that's not ideal you know what i was laughing about year-long
exclusive does that mean that for a year they will get it early every time a battle is spec
ops survival mode is the one feature that isn't on all platforms at launch. And the main title is, as you see,
year-long PS4 exclusive.
Yeah.
See, what I'm wondering about that,
I understand how it's worded,
and does that mean that for a year
they will have this exclusivity
where they get it a week early, a month early?
Because if they just give it to them
for an entire calendar year and
then and for a year from now when the new call of duty is literally out nobody's going back to xbox
and pc to play spec ops on last year's call of duty i i agree what you're saying and it sounds
crazy however i got my information originally from a sour video he doesn't get shit wrong like that
okay yeah and this uh article kind of backs it up well i bet i bet call of duty will be a lot of fun
i was laughing at myself on the way home today thinking about how funny it would be to go to halloween parties this year in full blackface
with the red nose on and a bozo wig and be like yeah i'm the joker and just tell them that i'm
the joker i like it fucking black yeah i knew you would like it. That's funny. Full black face, red nose on,
bozo wig.
What the fuck are you? Get out.
No, I'm the Joker.
Personally, I want you to go as
cocksucking Trump.
It's not that I'm the Black Joker.
His lips are like this.
It's that I'm putting on the most offensive
face makeup possible
and saying I'm the Joker to get out of it. I'm putting on the most offensive face makeup possible and saying I'm the Joker
to get out of it.
I don't know.
They made me laugh on the way home.
Maybe other people disagree.
Kyle seems to think that's reprehensible.
I'm just trying to figure out why it was funny.
In my head, it was so funny.
So believe you me.
Maybe it's Justin Trudeau.
Maybe blackface Justin Trudeau would be an interesting Halloween costume.
Oh, because he did blackface.
That would be funny.
Doing blackface with the ridiculous offensive lips and being like,
no, I'm the prime minister of Canada.
No, I'm actually Justin Tr trudeau a progressive icon of mine
that was so funny when people asked him they're like justin are they gonna find more photos of
you in blackface and he's like i i don't know i don't know it depends how good you guys are at
digging hope not there is a litany of me doing
hilarious, ridiculous blackface
things. So blackface
that he did black hands
and black arms. That makes it worse?
It makes it
funnier.
That's full sending it.
You know, he didn't just
half-ass the blackface.
He went full
he went full boat that's ah blackface justin trudeau
which is more offensive though do you think you'd have a better time
being muhammad at a outside of mosque or blackface justin trudeau in a rough african
oh he can do it every wants he's like a legacy
politician literally like canadian media was like justin trudeau wears brown face in a way that's
that's totally cool like running cover for him it's like he can do whatever he wants
no i was saying as a prank video. Oh, as a prank video?
That's a... I don't know. I would say almost a tie.
They're both ridiculous.
You ever see Die Hard with a Vengeance?
I'm sure, but can you help me?
Which one is it?
It's the one that's in New York with Samuel L. Jackson.
It's the third one.
There's a part where
the bad guy basically is fucking with John McClane.
And the reason he's fucking with him is he wants him to stay busy throughout the day so he can do his master plan.
But they think he's fucking with him because John McClane had killed his brother in the first movie.
Well, one of the things he makes him do is go to Harlem and wearing nothing but boxer shorts.
He's wearing a sign that says, I hate the N-word.
And he's just wearing this big poster
board sign that says that and uh samuel jackson walks up to him he's like how's it going he's like
not too bad
yeah from around here they're literally in harlem he's like you got about
20 seconds before those homeboys
over there spot you and murder
your ass.
Some people take that very seriously.
No sense of humor, man.
No joking around
about certain things.
That's lame.
I need to go to sleep. I got nothing right now. Show's lame. I need to go to sleep.
I got nothing right now.
Show's over.
Where does our audience find you?
I guess they probably already know where to find you guys.
Just Danny Mullen on YouTube.
That's my plug.
Check out Danny Mullen.
You got to come back on again with proper audio setup and stuff.
We got to shoot the shit about retarded things and retarded people.
I'm down.
Retarded people are retarded things.
Agreed.
Dude, I apologize, guy.
For slowing down the flow of the show in the middle is what I most apologize for.
But yeah, it all worked on that.
I had a good time.
You guys run a good fucking show, man.
You guys are really funny.
I usually listen to old radio
Loveline, Opie and Anthony
Howard Stern but you guys are doing good
stuff in the modern era so I appreciate it
I appreciate it man I'm also a
huge ONA listener
yeah even yeah
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