Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #470
Episode Date: December 27, 2019In this week's PKA, just the boys this week, Kyle signs up for a fresh 23andMe kit to find out how pure his bloodline really is, which is important since he's really considering getting a Tesla Cybert...ruck and of course we've got our regular Blade's Degradation update with new photos of his foot that just look awful. So come swing on by PKA this week, it's a good time.
Transcript
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pka 470 no guest tonight kyle a couple of sponsors tonight express vpn post mates smart mouth and
morgan and morgan for the people uh yeah we'll get to those later on the show but we've got some
interesting topics tonight lots going on in the country in the world in our own personal lives so
well we all know the biggest story on earth right now yeah and that's blades leg holes yes yes and something there's there's
a breaking cnn headline news it wasn't limited to the leg there was some toe action going on as well
yes anderson cooper was covering the toe last night yes heretofore undisclosed you know toe
issues you know anderson cooper was sitting there in his nice coiffed hair talking about it
like it's dominating the news cycle right now it's dominating the news there's nothing that
can even begin to compete and so this is one of those videos where it's like or one of those
pictures where it's like is this too gory to put on to like show on youtube like i guess not because
they show surgeries and stuff but yeah it's every single time you get a new photo of what's going on with that leg it's
like holy shit now that last picture i saw doesn't look that bad i i i used the same line on my live
stream last night so dozens of you heard this already but um uh my paramotor instructor described
me like this he says woody imagine you're driving down the highway.
You hear on the radio that there's a guy going the wrong way.
You listen to that and you say, what?
One guy going the wrong way?
They're all going the wrong way.
With that in mind, when I look at Blade's leg,
I'm the only one who doesn't seem to think it's that serious.
It's not that, like it's that serious it's it's not that like it's
concerning to me that it's not healing but i look at that and say you get this brother some george
form a chicken spinach and some couscous a glass of water make that his new daily diet
that's my that's what i eat in there that's like it's like my everyday meal
little couscous spinach george form a chicken and a glass of water that's that's what I eat. That's like my everyday meal. A little couscous, spinach, George Foreman chicken, and a glass of water.
That's what feeds me.
You put that guy on the woody diet, this thing heals up in no time at all.
I mean, see, but that's kind of the rub, isn't it?
If he were capable of jumping entirely onto the woody diet of water only and couscous and fucking quinoa like it might be too late but
he'd be a better chance of him coming back to it why do we think this is a diet issue
not once on the walking dead did somebody see a zombie go by
that guy ate too much sugar you can tell no no there's something terribly wrong with him some
sort of alien virus has infected this man's lower extremities, people.
He's rotting away.
There was no inciting event.
He didn't just bump his knee one day and it never healed.
These wounds are producing themselves.
That's what he needs to go into the doctors and say is like, I've been drinking water.
I've been eating grilled chicken.
My friend of mine calls it George Foreman chicken.
I'm doing nothing but that.
But the Jaeger goblins come in every night.
They guzzle an entire bottle.
They're like the cavity kids coming in
there with little mini cartoon jackhammers.
Or if he's got like a, if Blade's
doctor is like a frat boy
bro, and Blade's like, God,
I'm just, I'm feeling not with it.
I just feel sick all the time. I don't feel good.
I mean, look at my leg. It's awful. I think I'm going to give up
drinking. And his doctor's like, Bruh, no like you can't just like give it up dude like what
are you gonna do for fun bro how are you gonna get gash how are you gonna get nice wet slit
well it's like i guess you're right i shouldn't give it up he's like yeah that's what i'm talking
about man just hit the gym nothing but curls upper day upper day upper body day every day
i don't want the cavity kids joke to slide under the radar that was
fucking hilarious two i watched hundreds of blades videos and i'm like oh man you used to be a
sneaker head this guy had he had like 24 pairs
of sneakers and they all looked new.
New. I didn't know that about him. He used to be sponsored
by Goat. You know, I go through
a lot of sneakers because after one wear
well, they just smell terrible.
The ooze, the gangrene,
it'll ruin a pair of sneakers.
But with Goat.com,
new pair every day. And I just send the
ones I use back in.
He did like a crib tour.
And to be honest, I was judging his sneaker investment.
You know me.
If it's not my hobby, that's not a good use of money.
It doesn't even fly at 35 miles per hour.
Right?
How are you going to hover in those?
But I'm like, how many Jordans does a man need?
And they all look so new.
And they're sneakers.
Don't they?
I don't know.
But anyway, and I look at this sneaker and I'm like, man, that's one of the saddest parts of all.
It's a low quality sneak.
That's true.
Yeah, it's really the toenail itself is troubling.
Have you shown the image yet?
It's been on the screen for some time.
I thought we were saving that but oh let me open it
and look at it because frankly i haven't seen the latest you haven't oh so you've been making
comments about the requisite knowledge well oh i'm the cavity kid no no this is the toenail
yeah i've seen this oh my god the toenail is the most troubling part yeah so i was saying it's
do you notice how the wound on the toe above it, it's all black? Yeah.
Dude, black is the color of healing.
I'll tell you another thing I'm noticing.
If you open the image, if you click it, you're able to use the magnifying glass,
and you can really get in there deep,
which is what the doctor should be doing right now.
Those Air Force Ones he's got there, not looking so fresh and clean.
Is that what that shoe is?
Yeah.
That's got a little sneakerhead background as well.
Well, you know, it's a pretty recognizable shoe. But he has been stomping in those Air Force Ones for far too long.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
You can see where the skin is dying. Oh, dying oh yeah yeah you can see the necrotic
oh the swelling you know you get drawn away by the wounds but just look at the mids midfoot area
and the swelling that's there that's pooling of blood that's a diabetic thing he needs those
diabetic socks at this point he has diabetes yeah he's got the sugars i i don't
know if this is true because i heard it from my live stream and you can this i just want to couch
it in that like people write icons of crazy things in my chat that are untrue but they said that in
the video the doctor said if you're not going to stop drinking i'll just take the leg now
cool really yeah man that's a hardcore doctor he that must be that doctor you know that show
like my 600 pound life or whatever uh that where they have some indian guy doctor who does not give
a fuck he doesn't go on twitter he's not on body positivity pages and so these pampered fat fucks
come in and they're like i'm trying to lessen how much I eat.
But I'm up to I was down to five hundred forty five pounds and I went right back up to five seventy five.
It's a it's an issue I have and I'm not eating anymore.
And the guy's like, you are lying to me.
You do not. It is not possible.
You say you go home, eat at the diet and you come back and you have gained 30 pounds.
I do not believe you. You're lying to me.
Your husband here, he is going out and getting you food are you going to get her see he admits it how can
you not admit this he says this here and it's like she's just sitting there so uncomfortable
and it's like yes go off king i love this indian doctor on that show you make a great telemarketer
you've got it down i love that fucking accent as a guy who listened to indians for two decades
taylor's indistinguishable from my
coworkers. Quickly, ask me
if I applied for a Carnival Cruise.
Tell me my student loans are overdue and I
can consolidate them.
There is a problem with your Microsoft account.
That doctor rules. But anyway, so basically
his doctor, apparently, according to your chat,
you know, nothing set in stone, said,
if you don't stop drinking, we may as well take the leg.
Yes, that's what they said.
Like, tell me if you're not going to stop drinking,
and I'll take the leg now.
I read it as a scare.
Yeah, I read it as a, like, he's trying to get Blade's attention,
is how I interpreted that.
That or he wants that leg for something weird.
Right?
Maybe he's got the rest
of the human body.
This is the final piece of the puzzle
and I could build a monster.
He's building his own Frankenstein
golem.
My father owns me. Please believe it or not.
I want that leg.
Are you Dr. Frankenstein?
Am I your monster?
That leg is looking so bad.
Like a brutally honest doctor.
He's like, tell me what you think.
He's like, that is very, very gross.
But like,
the smell's even getting to the hem.
What I see in it though,
and no one else sees it like this,
is very shallow wounds.
Like if I have a cut or some sort of damage, and it's only skin deep, it's not even like all the skin, it seems.
I agree with you.
I feel like that heals fast if he just corrects behavior.
I think that there's a more deep-seated reason for these wounds.
Because the wounds that you're referring to, and we've all had them, you know, road rash and skint knees and stuff like that you fall off a bicycle that's a scrape you
know there's an outside cause but we're dealing with an internal cause for external wounds and
that's something that i've never dealt with personally not really not like that yeah yeah
i haven't or at the very least it's like the kind of wound. Yeah, it's skin deep. This is coming from within.
It comes from welling in that foot.
The problem is under.
Do you think that's how it actually worked, Kyle?
That like it's coming from within?
Because my assumption was always like, oh, a minor.
He bumped his leg and got a minor cut.
Oh, he dropped something on his toe and got a little scrape or a little gash.
And it totally evolved into this because he doesn't
have the the necessary circulation i guess to deliver you know healing cells i don't fucking
know what i'm talking about if i had to get like again i don't know either like these things are a
mystery to me because i'm not familiar with this but maybe it is like a lack of blood loss or lack
of blood flow to those areas and the skin is literally dying like i don't know but i don't
think it's like a cut that
slowly got worse and worse because he'd have it all over him you know maybe what if he's got it
all over him and the legs are all we've seen but the beat is like it really starts in one of those
in one of the limbs like the extremities where the circulation is poor is that leprosy
have we even considered that that might be leprosy he may be a leper. That he may be a leper.
Yes, you're going to have to stream live from the leper colony.
Dude, that would be an awesome reality show.
Blade, the modern day leper.
Ten lepers enter, zero lepers leave, as every season goes.
It is a terminal disease.
It's kind of just a last man standing kind of game.
I would donate a fiber.
Bastards over at Survivor kicking our ass.
I would donate a fiber just to pour
if you pour a shot of hydrogen peroxide on that
fucking thing. I want to see it sizzle.
I wonder if it even would.
Oh, it would.
I guess it would just be killing germs, right?
I don't know exactly what that reaction is,
but I find it very soothing, pleasing, and for it would just be killing germs, right? I don't know exactly what that reaction is, but I find it very, very soothing, pleasing,
and for some reason, I enjoy doing it.
Every scab I've ever gotten.
Let's get the old hydrogen peroxide out.
Oh, yeah.
I remember my brother got a...
This was years and years ago,
but he got a cold sore.
You know, you say you have those before.
Oh, yeah.
When I was a kid, I got those more often,
but now it's very rare that I do, unless I had the flu and your immune system's compromised. My brother got a
cold, and so he got the cold sore, and he was a rough one. It was gross. It was bad. He was asking
my mom, like, mom, what do I do to get rid of this faster? I wasn't in the room. I would have said,
like, hey, just go get Abreva. Abreva works pretty good.
It's not like whatever that herpes medication you take is.
It gets rid of it immediately.
But, I mean, Abreva is not too bad.
It's expensive for a little tube, but it'll help you out better than having one of these nasty-ass wet-looking sores.
And my mom told him, she's like, now, every morning, put hydrogen peroxide on it.
And hydrogen peroxide is a drying agent after it's been on
there and so after like nine or ten days of that i see him again and it is a furious cold sore
because it has not been allowed to heal and he's like i gotta go to a dermatologist
he goes to a dermatologist,
this nasty cracked,
like,
you know how they usually look when they start kind of moist and puffy,
you know,
and then they shrink and then go away.
It was like cracked and dry and really nasty looking.
And he told me,
he's like,
yeah,
I went in there.
Dermatologist said,
Oh,
you got a cold sore.
That's rough.
How long have you had that?
Almost two weeks.
Wow.
Okay.
Okay. Well, what have you been doing
for it every day your brother's like hydrogen peroxide i've been putting it on like two or
three times a day and he told me that before he even finished the sentence the doctor's like oh
no no no that's honest honestly there's nothing worse you could be doing for it drying it out
over and over so your body's trying to heal it and you're re-causing it over and over that's why
it's so fucking gross right now so just stop doing that and get some Abriva.
And so then it went away, and he's been giving my mom shit for it for a while. So that's good.
I looked up about diabetes and amputation. I had this idea that there's
some med student out there furious at how stupid we are.
I don't care.
But even from my own knowledge, I thought this was good.
In some cases, diabetes can lead to periphery artery disease.
It causes your blood vessels to narrow and reduces blood flow to your legs and feet.
It may also cause nerve damage known as neuropathy.
This could prevent you from feeling pain.
Interestingly, maybe that causes him to view it less severely than we do.
Yeah, he's becoming a superhero.
If you can't feel pain,
you may not realize you have a wound or an ulcer on your feet.
You may continue putting pressure on the affected area,
which can cause it to grow and become infected.
Reduced blood flow can slow wound healing.
It can also make your body less effective at fighting infection.
As a result, the wound
may not heal. Tissue
damage or death, gangrene,
may occur and the existing infection
may spread to your bone.
Did you say gangrene?
That's what tissue death is. Just learned that.
If the infection cannot be stopped
or the damage is irreparable,
amputation may be necessary.
It's most common with amputations, diabetes in the toes, feet, and lower legs.
So what's causing it not to heal is, I read elsewhere,
it shrinks your blood vessels, makes your blood flow poor,
and then without the proper blood flow, wounds don't heal,
and you don't even realize you might be making him worse because it's not painful.
Jesus. And if you're drunk all the time, it's not top of mind.
He's becoming cirrhosis, man. He feels no pain.
Feels no pain. Knows no sobriety.
Alright, I'm going to give you, to anyone out there,
or I guess just to play, here's
the high IQ maneuver for you,
my friend.
Number one, you got to get the drinking under
control. Obviously, that's a prerequisite
to any of this. Number two,
once you've recovered a good bit,
be sure to document and still stream all your recovery
times, like all the meetings, whatever the fuck
happens. You can parlay this
quickly into a motivational
speaking gig. And there's tons
of footage of you showing out there where you can go up there and go, hey, kids, I know we all like
to have fun, but how would you feel if I told you that I was drinking a few beers on the weekends
of your age too? And for some people, it doesn't stop at that. I'm going to show you a couple of
Twitch clips and you're going to see what happens after an extended period of time they're like
do you do a cool jump on your oscar pastoreus like and he's like that's at the end
do cool jumps like that's at the end of the fucking thing they call me the blade walker
only use me blade leg
but yeah that's that's the move. Go into motivational speaking.
Like, totally flip around your life.
And the whole time, even if you're just thinking,
as soon as I make enough money from motivational speaking,
doing the retard-ass Tony Robbins thing,
I'm going right back to boozing.
Just don't let on.
Don't let on.
You know what my grandparents said when they stopped smoking?
They said if they make it to 80, they're smoking two packs a day.
Do that approach.
Have a set kind of end on it.
Did they say that?
They literally did.
They were like, yep, we stopped one day because we wanted to see if you ever have kids,
we wanted to see you grow up.
And me and Grandpa both agree.
If we hit 80, if we're lucky enough and blessed enough by the Lord to hit 80,
we're going to start smoking two packs a day again because there's not a day that goes by that I don't want a cigarette.
It's like, Grandma, it's been like 15 years,
and you still want a cigarette that bad?
Yeah.
What was her brand of choice?
I imagine it was like one of those old-timey brands
that might not even exist anymore.
Lucky Strikes.
Paul Malls.
Winston's?
It was some kind of camel. I don't remember what kind. Lucky Strikes. Paul Malls. One of the, I think. Winston's? It was some kind of camel.
I don't remember what kind.
Lucky Strikes.
I think my grandpa was a Paul Mall man.
Yeah.
I think Paul Mall Reds or something like that.
Red is like the harshest of the flavors, right?
It's usually the signifier of full flavor.
Full body.
Robust.
They put extra bleach in.
Yeah. Extra
nicotine. If I smoked cigarettes, I think
I'd want the menthols. That's it.
Yeah, man.
That's the way I'd go. The ones I was smoking on that Joker
episode, those taste like peppermint.
Yeah.
But you do not smell like peppermint. Peppermint and tobacco.
Don't get me wrong here.
Yeah, you would hate it.
That's the move, Blade.
Motivational speaking, you could have a real good future there
if you really buckle down and fly straight for a while.
I don't think a future career should really be what he's looking for
as much as keeping all of his limbs.
That should be motivation enough, right?
I don't know.
If that guy who came to tell me
not to smoke when I was in 8th grade
didn't have to hold that thing there
and tell me like this.
If he didn't have to do that, I would have been like,
bitch, I'm smoking 10 cigs out of spite
after this, because you're bullshitting.
But the fact that he had that thing,
it really kind of hammered the point home.
Well, if I'm hearing you loud and clear here, Taylor, what you're saying
is, drink more, Blade blade because we have to get that.
We have to get those legs off.
If you're ever going to be a motivational speaker, you can't do it with legs.
Ah, you know, maybe I didn't think this through.
Thanks for for for buckling it up at the end.
Maybe you're right.
Yeah, maybe.
I mean, it doesn't seem like he has to drink more.
I mean, maybe just like it sounds like I'm hearing 2022 is his year to clean up.
Yep.
Now let's expedite that.
In 2022, he's going to lose 35 pounds
in one day.
Boy, oh boy.
I feel bad
for him. That sucks.
He's really got to be
cripplingly addicted for this literally happen
literally yeah pretty much not even a figurative thing i wonder how he views it right like
i don't know above at a weird angle from the angle that we're seeing the he must not see it as
that serious like it maybe doesn't hurt that much.
And I feel like you get used to your own weird things too, right?
Like, I don't know.
I see someone's crooked dick in porn and I think, man, that's a funny dick.
But to him, sometimes dicks are crooked, right?
But what if he had a sore on his dick and it was rotting away?
To him, it's not quite as gross as it is to me i you know i like it what i not so much
a cut but like like if you have an infected cut on your arm it would pass i'm like ew but to you
yeah that's your art like you well i mean people who drink all day every day are usually trying to
escape reality you know and so it might be one of the things where he knows in his heart of hearts how severe this is,
but he's in such a rut of, oh, wake up,
hate my life, hate where I'm at, boozing, getting the Jager right off
for my breakfast, and then continuing and doing that.
So, I don't know. I don't know, though.
I wish you'd just switched to vodka.
Unironically healthier, yeah.
Yeah.
And higher alcohol.
I still think the George Foreman chicken and spinach would be better.
Baby steps.
We'll get to chicken and spinach
after we can just get down to vodka.
Yeah, we're going to get to vodka.
And then we're going to work down to wines.
Then we're going to work to beer. And then we're going to work down to wines. Then we're going to work to beer.
And then...
Fake beer.
Then to fake beer.
Then to Heineken 0.0.
Have you seen commercials for that?
Uh-uh.
No.
Heineken's, like,
they released, like,
an alcohol-free beer.
And it's like,
who...
who wants that?
Really?
Teenagers.
But they don't even want it.
They only want the booze part you can't
even pretend to be cool it says no alcohol right on the front you have to like carefully hold the
bottle so your friends think you're cool like that i just don't see who the market is for that
like even if you're someone who doesn't drink because you get like asian flush or whatever
do you want that or would you rather have a zero calorie like seltzer water or something
like you're just asian flush makes people not drink.
I always thought it made him look cool.
Like, oh, no.
Is it a bad experience?
Yeah.
Yeah.
A friend of mine who's married to a Chinese woman, like if she has like a shot of beer, she'll feel like she's going to vomit.
Her face gets all red.
Like she's she just immediately starts to feel sick.
Like it's just like literally allergic to feel sick like interesting she's like literally
allergic to alcohol and for some asians it's not that bad but it is more common with asians
i saw an asian woman cute girl like a before and after one shot and she was all red and like
just looked super flush but smiling and so happy i was like that's pretty badass if i had asian
flush no one would think i'm faking on the drinking episodes.
None of us are getting Asian flush.
I don't think so.
None of us have those traits.
But yeah, hopefully blood gets it under control because that's a real sad thing to say.
Baffling to me.
Next topic?
Well,
Donald Trump obviously...
Is this video funny?
It is.
Donald Trump obviously,
you know,
going through a bit of a rough patch
in his presidency,
I suppose.
They are really making it
a television and radio event.
Like, I was just scanning
through the radio stations
in traffic yesterday
and I caught it four different times.
Don't care about it at all.
Seems kind of boring.
Trying to get those ratings.
It seems like it's much less about anything
that Donald Trump's actually done
and more about Republicans shaming Democrats
and Democrats shaming Republicans.
The Republicans are all comparing it
to the crucifixion of Christ or something like that,
and the Democrats are just shaming Republicans as a whole,
and they each take their two minutes
and shout at each other.
And it gets old quickly.
And then Trump had this tweet,
which I thought was a good tweet, frankly.
It doesn't really resonate with me,
but I bet it resonates with his base.
He's doing the Uncle Sam pose, right?
Looking rather slim, saying,
in reality, they're not after me. I'm fully aware it's Photoshop. In reality reality they're not after me i i'm i'm fully aware it's
photoshop in reality they're not after me they're after you i'm just in the way that resonates with
his base poking toward pointing towards the camera like that was the first thing i noticed about that
photo is like that those are some generous hip proportions you've given yourself that is not the way you uncle sam pose it's the
uncle sam i know but it's just funny to see because he would be spilling out over the size
of the chair probably like because he is a fat fuck but i mean you can hide a lot in a good a
well-tailored suit like you're really not trump though trump's past that oh yeah there's a certain
like when you get to like well even worse than Trump is the Chris Christie look.
Where it's just like,
what even are you, dude?
You ate something bad in Willy Wonka's factory.
Right.
I forgot a custard on my front porch
in the middle of the summer.
He's like another species, right?
If I saw, this is a dog, this is a dog,
and then I saw a pug,
I'd go, is this one a dog too?
This right here with Chris Christie.
Like, oh, is this also a human or is this like a – No, no, his father was a walrus.
Yeah.
Like he's the kind of guy like I feel like could eat a hard punch
from an MMA fighter directly in the gut
and like just kind of absorb the –
I think he could.
I think he could as well. Have we watched that Joe Lozon video where he hit the guy inside? kind of absorb the fits. I think he could. I think he could as well.
Have we watched that Joe Lozon video where he hit the guy in the side?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if everyone's seen it.
Yeah.
Well, I've got a video of one of Trump's core supporters here, all right?
This gentleman represents the forgotten Americans that Trump was talking about.
He is going to be central to the platform in 2020, I think.
He's a big part of Trump's... He's got a gun.
Well, okay, yeah.
The video is called,
the video is called,
Don't Fuck With My MF President.
Yeah, the man's passionate about his political beliefs.
We need that kind of passion in modern day times.
Let's watch.
Ready, set, play.
Now I'm just going to tell you motherfucking niggas straight out the door. Ready, setiggas.
Any motherfucking nigga, white, black,
Chinese, Mexican, if you want to
build that wall, let them build it.
You motherfucking niggas
out there thinking it's a game. I'm going to go to war
behind Donald Trump.
That's right. Do you understand
me? We're going to go to motherfucking
war, Trump. You got some motherfucking war trump you got some
motherfucking soldiers right here on the side right here we coming drink go
what that little nigga down there bad rules name
nigga keep my motherfucking president out of your motherfucking mouth nigga. It's talking about you got a hundred on the drum.
Do I love how it ends mid-sentence?
Yes.
It's just one minute of a 45-minute rant.
YouTube uploader is like, that's enough.
I'm starting to sense a lot of repetition here. We're going to get to it.
You're brandishing.
It's not a real gun.
Your trigger finger's right there.
How could you tell that? It's like an airsoft gun. The barrel, that's an air real gun. Your trigger finger's right there. It's not a real gun? How could you tell that?
It's like an airsoft gun.
The barrel.
That's an airsoft gun.
I was confused by the barrel.
The barrel shroud went to the end.
I was like, what am I looking at?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's an airsoft gun.
But there you go, right?
The forgotten American right there.
Does that guy make more videos?
Just defending other stuff?
That's a good question the mandalorian
is not that bad
that guy's funny i like that just everyone was so often pointing a gun at the camera
that's how you win people over pointing guns at them work for i thought it was a woman
from the thumbnail oh did you surprise yeah i thought that the hats the hat was long hair
i don't think beanies are flattering on anybody i don't know why they're so popular but every time
i see someone in a beanie i think like we're gonna look back and laugh at this trend. It's not a good one. Yeah, especially
like people who wear it in summer.
Or inside. Just be
bald, dude. Just be
bald.
I see a lot of girls wearing it.
That's a good look.
They're bald too.
Kyle mentioned girls.
You know, especially
if they're hot enough to look good in a beanie
Right?
Maybe I'm confusing beanie with those snow hats
That have the little pigtails that come down from them
Yeah those are cuter
Beanies are the real plain ones
They're just the wool cap
Fair enough
You know who really figured out the bald spot covering
Thousands of years ago? The Jews. They really did. They solved the Costanza where it's like, what's your, you know, what's your, your, your, you know, your tribe's hat or your fucking scarf or whatever the hell you do. And they're like, well, it's a hair colored small thing that fits conveniently right over the bald spot and everybody's like fuck fuck how did
they can we do it too oh no it's taken we copyrighted it and it's like they really figured
that out
i'm sorry but we can't be letting the eminites walk around with our bald covering
yeah those are that's how i that's the best thing about yarmulkes is you could just hide a lot of baldness and
nobody would really notice you don't even notice yarmulkes if it's the same color as the person's
hair for the most part until you see those little clips that keep it in i'm sure there's a workaround
on that i see it but i to be honest i think bald spots a better look but maybe i just like the
when things are going rough for you stand tall you put your chest out hold your chin up to you it's a good look i somehow my head morphed into like i've
seen people who get like unpopular on youtube or on twitch or there's a guy who was unpopular on
woody craft rabbit was in his name everybody's hating on him right just for some reason a
thousand people all decided they didn't like him at the same time. So what'd he do?
Fucking logged in, Twitch stream, and he was just him.
And everyone's like giving him shit, and he's, eh, still me.
I'm still here.
And he won me over.
Wait, was he Jewish?
No, I moved off. Oh, I wasn't sure how it was.
No, I don't think he was.
I don't know.
He was white.
And then this strong Israelite stood up to Samson.
It's just a good look, man.
Like when the world's piling down on you,
you can either hide or you can be like, yeah, I'm here.
I like it.
I remember feeling like an absolute retard
when I saw Yamaka spelled out for the first time.
And I was like, what in God's, what is that?
What is that?
And someone told me it's
how you spell yarmulke and i was like y-a-r-m-u-l-k-e cannot possibly be yarmulke but it is
yeah it's a it's a real mess that's a that's a that's an interesting language they've got there
good lord that's the spelling yeah isn't that bullshit? You know, talk about gatekeeping.
I would not have
known that. That's worse than hors d'oeuvres.
Oh, yeah. Oh, way more.
At least with hors d'oeuvres, you kind of know like
it's French. It's going to be silly.
I don't know.
That's clearly a
Yarmulch.
A Yarmulch.
I like that you could literally spell it with confidence off the top of your head.
Did you have it in front of you?
No, no.
See, it's one of those things I just remembered.
Even looking at it the first time, I'm like, that's so silly.
I'm never going to forget how to spell it.
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Like, who?
Right, that does have a W.
Well, the important thing is we're all somewhere on the spectrum.
It doesn't need it, but I put it there just to look good.
It's not woo.
Get this.
We're going to add an L and a K.
Really trick them up.
Yeah.
Any who.
Oh, I don't know if we finished the impeachment discussion or not.
Oh, that was it.
I only wanted to talk about the impeachment thing so I could get to that guy's ridiculous video i don't really care
about the impeachment i googled yarmulke so i wanted to like visually show it to everybody
and uh i found this one pretty great about to show it to you audience
oh i've seen the the oh that's awesome yeah well I mean, you know, he's looking out for you guys.
Skullcap?
That's a way to put it.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
In related, there's one that says PB on it.
That's for Proud Boys.
Oh.
Huh.
Proud Boys, Uhuru, Yolica, Kippa, Skullcap, Black Suede.
Do you want suede on your head?
What if it rains?
I would not recommend
to any of our Yamaka wearing
viewers to get a suede Yamaka.
It's a kippah.
I think that's just another way of saying it in Yamaka,
right? Awesome black suede
kippah with the laurel.
The only place you'll find it. Wear it to temple.
Impress everyone. Be cool. Be proud.
Great bar mitzvah present. That's hilarious. Wear it to temple. Impress everyone. Be cool. Be proud. Great bar mitzvah presence.
That's hilarious.
Wear it to temple.
Impress everyone.
Did you see him wearing a brand new kippah?
That's the one place you're not going to impress people because you're competing with all the other skull caps and kippahs.
His jewelry store must be taking off.
Yeah.
The trick is we make it out of suede.
Last three days. They need another one I'm yarmulke shopping for some reason
Here's a $36,000 kippa
Here's one that comes with locks of hair
Down the side
How long do you think
If you put a yarmulke on
And like showed up at a temple on Saturday Or whenever they do it How long do you think if you put a yarmulke on and like showed up at a temple on saturday or whenever
they do it how long do you think until you you got called out i've done that or do you think you
could just walk in and pretend to be jewish yeah it's not that exclusive like um i don't know i
know like the mormons don't let you do that shit you have to like pass a test or something no so
so i grew up in new jersey where there's a big Jewish population. And I went to the temple
a bunch of times.
And they're like,
do you want to wear a yarmulke?
And sometimes I said yes,
sometimes I said no.
And maybe it's because I was a kid.
No one's going to call out
like a nine-year-old.
But my impression was like,
they're not hating on anyone
who goes there and behaves.
Were you going for
bar mitzvahs or bat mitzvahs and stuff that's the only time i've been in there to spend time i i
have been to i don't know if i've been to a i've been to bar mitzvah and a bat mitzvah but um in
this case i think i maybe had a sleepover or something and that was just you know how their
saturdays went what a terrible part of sleepovers as a kid is when you went to someone's house and you were
good friends with them but they had the kind of parents that made you go to church with them on
the sunday morning didn't that suck ass never happened once really never experienced that yeah
i've absolutely gotten stuck dozens of times where it's like adam had a great time last night we had
some you know back and forth playing Mario Party and Mario Kart
and all the Mario games we know and love.
I'm going to call my mom and have her come pick me up.
And then like Mrs. Adam's mom will be like,
oh, Taylor, we spoke to your parents.
We're going to drop you off after church.
It's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yay.
And then one of those times, the time I stand up the most was first grade. And i can walk was first grade and i think it was
first grade when i went to my friend i spent the night at my friend ben's house and we watched
every single 007 movie from like the 60s like they're all the ones we could that night before
we passed out because we were playing golden high downstairs on the n64 and it got us hankering for
the actual movies we hadn't seen them and the next morning we got up the old you're going to church with us taylor surprise dropped and i get there and it is
a speaking in tongues kind of church oh yeah and so just randomly in the middle of singing someone
will like step sidestep from the aisle into first of all it's like why are the only people speaking
in tongues did they prepare by sitting on the end of the the pew so they could step into the limelight i don't know
and then they would step in and start oh no my shadow money hello just literally nonsense but
as a kid it's a little startling oh yeah people got attention before youtube yeah
now all the attention whores are on youtube and spotify nice to meet you
it all started because some guy named like isaiah in the year one was like this is a social
experiment just to see how people react and they're just speaking in tongues as i was thinking
about it like the churches i was forced to go to uh the jewish people were much more accepting than the Catholics. The Catholics, I really felt
like I was made not to belong.
And you know, like 90%
of the people go up and receive their
biscuit and wine,
but they're like, not you, Woody.
You've got a little touch of Satan in you.
You'll have to sit here by yourself
until we all come back.
Like, fuck.
It was optional.
Oh, I'm pretty sure
communion is just for
real Catholics.
No, I mean,
the Catholic churches
I've been to,
because a lot of my family's Catholic,
they would let anyone
go up there.
I think they just didn't like you.
Yeah.
That would be so funny.
My feelings of exclusion
were well-worn.
Everyone is welcome.
Not that kid. No no not that one the one
behind yeah that one yeah there's african refugees i don't care what you believe come on up here kids
i know you're hungry but woodworth state no no no juice for you holy shit they didn't let you
take communion that's fucked um it's pretty funny though just shoot you down well you know the lord lost a
little bit of weight and we don't have as much of him to pass around so it turns out the communion
requirement is that you're baptized christian which i have been but methodist and i i didn't
realize that that they were just being shitty for reason to you as an individual i learned that
i mean that was probably almost 35 years ago i was made to believe to feel this yeah maybe
because you were so young and supple that that priest just couldn't bear the temptation of having
you open your mouth on your knees in front of him he knew he was just gonna have to slip it in so he
was just like no no no my son
if he knew anything about me he would have called me up i went not today satan
i was joking i went to uh it was a milo level joke but anyway carry on
i went to uh when i was little a billy graham thing probably like first or second grade like
billy graham the the evangelist who would go around and have like revivals where he'd like show up in atlanta or
st louis or memphis or wherever and be like every christian come on down to the fucking ram stadium
or whatever the fucking falcon stadium we're gonna revive and get everybody up and you know
everybody's gonna be excited we're gonna talk about god and it was like there were tv cameras like and so basically like we were sitting up in the seats the way we would for like
a rams game and way up there the entire bottom area where the field is like the expensive seats
are there but most of it's just kind of open space you know and there's a big stage there
billy graham's up there preaching And I'm not at all paying attention.
I got two hot dogs that night, though.
And I was hanging out doing that.
And then at the end, he does this thing where he's like,
And anyone today who would love to accept the Lord into your heart, come on down.
Come on down and accept the Lord as your God.
And so none of the people I was there with were doing it.
And I noticed the TV camera's down there. And so my none of the people I was there with were doing it. And I noticed the TV cameras down there.
And so my hand shot up and I was like, I want to go.
And so my mom was like, oh, that's so great.
And so I just started walking down with her.
And then when I like we're walking hand in hand and like after I get down there, my memory is correct.
Because like I did believe in God and all the stuff at the time.
I get down there, if my memory's correct, because I did believe in God and all this stuff at the
time, and I went down there
and there's
hundreds of deacons or whatever the fuck
grabbing people's hands in prayer
and clasping with them and pray with me
and help me be
Christ-like or whatever the fuck.
We get down there. As I'm seeing all of
these earnest things,
people who really are earnestly wanting to be
Christians, I felt
so guilty that I told my mom,
I'm like, Mom, I just wanted
to be on TV.
And she didn't get mad.
She didn't get mad.
She just made me pray with that guy.
And then I got to go back up and have my
second hot dog. Were you on TV?
No. No, I
was not on TV. It was a total bust not not at all worth
it and it didn't clearly the the cure didn't take i wish young taylor shot the like a devilish look
at the camera you know like i don't know what it would take but that'd be perfect
what was it at the time
All the kids did
They made the blood sign with their fingers
Remember that?
What does that look like?
I don't remember how to do it
You spell blood with your fingers
Oh I have seen that
But I can't do it
Oh this is a good one Woody
You like this story?
I love it
Alright good one, Woody. You like this story? I love it. Yeah, now I remember. Alright.
So, one moment.
What do we got here? Is this the Cali
Popo? Yes.
I'm trying to pause.
I want the video to autoplay.
A California police officer is under investigation
for allegedly fondling
a dead woman's breasts, the LAPD
confirmed on Tuesday.
The LAPD spokesman told Fox News
that no additional information is being released,
but she said an administrative assistant investigation
has been initiated.
He also said that the officer has been put on paid leave,
that'll teach him,
and his police powers have been removed
during the investigation.
So he was caught by his own body cam footage
fondling dead women on the boobs.
Multiple women?
I said women, but
it says woman in the article. Damn.
Okay. Man,
first time he got frisky and he gets punished.
I love the top comment.
Why don't they show a picture of the dead chick while
she was still alive? This way
we can determine if she was grope worthy or not and really start making fun of the pervy cop.
Dude, that's a good point.
I'm trying to read this.
The alleged incident took place when the LAPD officer and his partner responded to a call about a possible dead woman in a residential unit.
a residential unit.
Once the two officers determined the woman was dead, one officer
returned to the patrol car to get something
which,
according to the paper, which added that
during that time, the accused officer
turned off his body camera and
fondled the woman. The incident
was captured on video, even
though the officer deactivated his camera
because of a two-minute buffer on the device.
Oh, that's
right how does that work you deactivate it go on it still goes for two minutes i think it still
goes for two minutes yeah i mean he could have like waited two minutes that's interesting does
that exist just for stuff like this i think i probably imagine so it sounds like a pretty good
safeguard against cops going oh sir would you please step over here kindly?
Click.
Pow!
Click.
Oh, why are you being so aggressive, sir?
Sir, put that down.
Sir, stop approaching me with your bleeding nose.
What do you mean it's AIDS blood?
I heard you say it.
You're threatening my life.
Click.
Yeah.
It would have been funny, though, if she was like not quite dead and the other
officer comes in what are you doing he's like get the emt on the line pussy's still warm
oh man finger in there and what's the dead what law has been broken though
and who's the victim really nobody is this desecration of a corpse
probably but i mean what you should be able this desecration of a corpse? Probably, but I mean, what?
You should be able to desecrate corpses.
Who cares, man?
Nobody wants that on their record, am I right?
Like, that's got to be, like, top five worst things to have on your record.
Yeah.
Imagine explaining that to all your neighbors after being accused of, like, convicted of sexual assault.
Yeah.
Well, I got good news and bad news.
Your kids are safe. your grandma's in danger
the good news i'm not interested until they're dead no i'm not gonna kill your kids no i should
have phrased that differently yeah but i don't know why you would i would you want to grow up
a dead woman anyway who i bet she has cold tits i what if they were still warm taylor
and they're really nice that's important you need to know the length of time that passed between she...
Seconds. I feel like they were
such great tits. He was
checking to see if they were real or
synthetic. That was it. Or
if perhaps they were so large and
supple that he was maybe wondering,
are these full of drugs?
It's just the
line of duty.
This is going to end up being like that Clint Eastwood movie
where we all falsely accuse this guy of groping a dead woman.
He's the Richard Jewell of titty grapping.
Yeah, really, she's got coke in those tits.
And she was transporting it across lines.
I don't know what kind of lines.
Perhaps weapons of mass destruction in there.
They're so big, maybe he feared there was coordinates. She's got a snook in her sniz. Perhaps weapons of mass destruction in there. They're so big.
Maybe he feared there was coordinates. He's got a snooker or sniz.
Snooker or sniz.
All jokes aside, I wonder if he was checking to see if they were real.
I gotta know.
I bet he was probably a horny loser and saw an
opportunity to grab a woman he probably hadn't
in a while and so he did.
I don't know. Or maybe he
likes fucking dead people.
He just couldn't resist. This is not the first dead titty he's grabbed no because this is a very odd kind of sexual thing to do even like a really really horny guy
who's got no action put him in coffin cleavage yeah as long as it's tasteful
that's a perfect answer are you talking about dressing
corpses or yeah like this is so female well i guess if they're hot you show the cleavage whatever
makes how much cough and cleavage is appropriate do we emulate their their real life uh display
that you know they they would have had you know what you like like if a porn star dies all their
fans should be able to come to the cleavage casket and come tribute them.
One final salute.
She always did want to break the World Bukkake record.
Scott, hurry up.
Stop crying, Jimmy.
Your mother wanted this.
Yes.
Wow.
You have to do it too.
It's tradition.
Yeah.
So now this guy's clearly fucked up because even like a horny incel type guy you put him in a room with a dead naked woman they're not going to be like oh today's the day
it's going to be like ah so close and yet so so far away like most people aren't just going to go
to you know necrophilia right it's not necrophilia if you penetrate the corpse, okay?
This is corpse molestation.
Yeah, I don't know.
This is corpse molestation at best,
or at worst, depending on your outlook.
Well, it's like that family guy bit from years ago.
It was something like Peter asking the would-you-rathers,
where it's like, would you rather blow Danny DeVito
or have sex with Halle Berry, but she's
been dead for three hours.
And you know,
in that situation...
What's the climate like she died in?
What's the ideal climate, right?
Because if it keeps the body warm,
that...
That exacerbates decomposition.
Right, but if you keep the body cold,
it's yucky.
I'm thinking 98.6, and it's a very sterile environment.
No, you don't get to...
You play it where it lies, my friend.
Thank you.
We're getting a ruling from the crew here.
He wants to pick her up and drop her
and see if she falls into a different position.
They're going to allow it.
They're going to take one stroke away.
One stroke away.
Lucky her.
She fell right into the little spoon.
This is going to work great.
I think it's probably good
this guy's off the street
until three weeks from now and he's back on the street.
What if he's a top cop?
This guy was fucking Roboop fucking dick tracy and fucking john mclean all rolled into one all he did every
day was serve and protect and solve crimes he was he was a detective he was like corpses but his one
failing his one fault his one flaw you like to grab some dead titties, maybe once
a year. Maybe once a year.
He twerks a dead nipple.
Flicks it.
My final request.
My deathbed thing. If I could just get
one handjob from the LAPD
after death, I think that'd be wonderful.
I really wish I could see the video.
I don't know how far
he went. Does rigor mortis
get your dick hard?
Probably not. It just makes your muscles
and tendons tighten up.
But that goes away after a certain period of time.
I was just hoping for a
better hand job, that's all.
Let a man dream.
There's some other rigor word
I know you're looking for. I don't know what it's called though.
Where they go from rigor mortis to something after that you can't say rigor
rigor
whoa
I didn't even think about that
we'd go with
brother
what kind of chips do you like salt and then
yeah
I just realized the other day that therapist was the words the rapist Alton, Vin, beep! Yeah.
I just realized the other day that therapist was the words the rapist
conjoined. Man, that took you 33
years? Yeah, yeah, it did.
It absolutely did. I got a few of those.
That's okay. It's just the same as the other.
Yeah, that
shit's, uh, honestly, though,
like, would you rather have a cop who doesn't do his
job or like is way too trigger happy or a guy who occasionally flicks a dead gal's bean you know
i'm fine i really like like even if it was a relative i'd be like well she was dead
she was dead no you're not invited to family functions anymore.
Absolutely not.
But I'm just saying, you know.
Yeah, I mean, she was dead.
I just, me personally, I have a very, I don't care what happens to dead bodies.
Mine included.
Or my family's or whatever, you know.
Like, we're dead.
It's over.
Yeah.
I'm, you know, like, oh, yeah.
Aunt Elizabeth
did always like some boob grabbage.
Yeah, exactly.
Imagine the compliment that that is.
I hope you pinched her nipples.
That was her favorite.
I would love to have seen,
that's what I was getting to a minute ago,
what exactly did he do?
Because there's a lot of things you can do to boobies.
There's a lot of moves.
Maybe you slap
the one on the right and watch it hit the one
on the left and watch him do that sort of slinky
down the stairs perpetual motion thing
for a minute. Do girls like that? I mean, I've seen it
on the internet. Yeah, some do. If they don't, they're not
the one for you. There you go.
Some of them like you to slap the shit up.
Really? When I die?
It's just like spanking.
I want to be marionetted, but I want to be in.
No, I'm in the casket.
And the thin wires are attached up to the ceiling.
And then at some point near like three quarters of the way through,
when like the not my family that I know that well,
the more like friends of friends are coming through and everybody else is
sitting down. I want to be puppeteered
up in a very
upsetting way.
What they didn't know is that I'm
bottomless.
My dead dick is swinging around and
they have to deal with it. It's just a way for my
memory. Nobody's ever going to forget that funeral.
Therapists
all over the country will hear about it.
I'd be like, it's huge. There were a dozen clues on
PKI. I picked them up over the years.
Just absolutely
care.
Just so much.
He was sponsored by a
razor company.
He's like a wolf man. His ass
and hips and front.
He was like one of those half goat, half men
you see in cartoons sometimes.
That's what I'd like to do.
You know what's fucked up is that you can't demand
that the people you leave behind do these sorts of things.
You should be able to say,
every dollar and everything I own
goes straight to uh fucking
some some charity woody warriors or whatever unless you marionette me out of this unless you
serve are you sure you can't do booze at my you can do that you can you can you just need the
right attorney i've had will made do we have an attorney sponsor this show?
We do, for the people.
We need to sync up with them.
Morgan, Morgan, I know you normally handle car accidents,
living with all that sort of thing,
but I'd like to write a clause into my will
that forces my loved ones to preferably marionette me,
but I would also like to be muppeted.
Yes.
Either way.
I'm flexible.
Sir, get out of our office.
Sir, put down the gun.
Not until you draft up the legal proceedings.
Painted in Joker makeup for no reason.
More criminals need to paint themselves as jokers
you know it's a good look yeah i think it's pretty funny and it'd be like someone would be like oh
they stole a bunch of money from a bank first of all anytime a bank gets robbed who fucking cares
like not me not at all it's the bank's problem i like when the bank robbers come in in the movies
obviously and they're like all right we, we're not after your money.
Your money's insured.
We're after the bank's money.
That would appeal to me if I wasn't aware of that as a customer.
Oh, well, get it.
Get it all.
Can I help?
You see the security guard reaching for his gun.
He's like, hey, look at that guy.
He's got a gun.
reaching for his gun. He's like, hey, hey, look at that guy. He's got a gun.
Or you're just like, I hope you don't point the gun at me
and demand that I help you
carry more out.
Shut up. No, you don't understand.
Don't do that. Oh, no.
It's like this.
You don't understand. I've been doing
farmer carries for literally
years now. You see those bags
over there? You got way more than you
carry i promise you that's a full bag of money the seven men dressed as the joker but one hairy
individual remains at large from a chopper sprinting with a hundred pounds of cash
oh this is what we tried for
it's shot down by a machine gun i guess what a way to go that'd be tight i have a paragraph to read
former sheriff irv kelly of mcintosh county oklahoma was killed while trying to arrest
pretty boy floyd in 1932 in november three members of floyd's gang attempted to rob the
farmers and merchants bank in oklahoma despite his life of crime, Floyd was viewed positively by the public.
When he robbed banks, he allegedly
destroyed the mortgage documents.
This has never been confirmed and may be a myth,
but they called him the Robin Hood
of Cooks and Hills.
That guy's awesome. I've read that before.
I used to believe that. Back in a time before
data
and servers holding all that information,
there's just one
piece of paper in that bank that proves that you
owe that bank a mortgage.
He goes in there and tears it up.
Poor bank, I guess.
But all the farmers there must have been...
That's where we get rich farmers
from.
We were talking about wealthy farmers before the show.
Yeah, pretty boy Floyd.
That'd be...
Much more popular than Babyface Nelson.
Kyle, do you remember how much you
owed Ballpark?
$30? $40?
$19.95 maybe?
I'm pretty sure you owe
me.
My last payment was
over the limit.
You owe me $65.
Yeah, no.
That would be pretty awesome.
Too bad they can't do that now.
Too bad there's no pretty boy Floyd to save us.
That's what Fight Club's all about.
Yeah.
Do you hear they're doing an all-women Fight Club?
They're not doing that.
Don't say that.
Let me try and find it.
Please tell me you're lying to me while you look for that
did you see the redoing ghostbusters they're not redoing it they're sequeling it you're right this
is a direct sequel of ghostbusters 2 and i liked the trailer i loved the trailer and there were
little pieces of the trailer i didn't pick up until i saw other people's comments. But they were like, there's been no hint of ghosts since 1986.
That other chick movie just never happened.
They erased it from the canon.
It's fucking gone.
And the trailer looked really good.
It stars children, which you'd think,
normally that's a turnoff for me,
but it looked really well done.
And I think they are the descendants of the
previous Ghostbusters.
One of them is definitely Spangler's
grandson, because he's dead.
And I think...
My memory, right?
But I want to say there was a girl that played a leading role
and she seemed really cool.
Yeah, she was the secretary.
Janine? Yeah.
Oh, but it was a kid anyway i'm not even sure
but uh oh i thought you meant in the original movies there was a girl who was part of them
okay yeah no so but yeah the new ghostbusters looks real i really want to see it and uh
like the first ghostbusters was a comedy and cartoony and such this one looks like there's
high a lot of production value in it and there's some like i'm gonna say emotion
to it but like yeah yeah it's it's not scary but it's heavy but i don't know it looks really neat
i want to see it i like the bill murray voiceover from the first movie call it fate call it karma
that was i'm i was i'm into it i love ghostbusters. I'm a big fan.
I'm the perfect age to have watched it when I was a kid.
I wanted a proton pack when I was five for Christmas.
I was telling my dad,
I don't want a toy proton pack.
I want a real one.
He's like, yeah, we'll get you a real one.
No, I wanted to shoot the laser shit.
I didn't say shit, but I wanted to shoot the lasers shit. Well, I didn't say shit, but I was like, yeah, I wanted to shoot the lasers.
Oh, yeah, we're going to get you that one.
Now, I'm sure they spent a lot of money
buying me a proton pack,
but it was a toy proton pack,
and I was very upset.
Can't buy good health these days.
One time for Christmas, I showed up.
I was at my cousin's house.
I was really excited.
We were exchanging presents right it wasn't
Christmas Day but you know call it like two days before and it was the other time that we were
going to exchange presents with this family so you get a little taste of present and they got
me a toy garbage truck and even to this day like I was very unreceptive I was like this present
is horrible like this is the worst present I've ever had.
And I don't even know if I took out of the...
You said this?
Yeah.
I don't know if I used the word horrible,
but I do remember it came in a box.
It was zip-tied into the box
where you could touch the garbage truck
and the box was around it back and sides.
And I took the wrapping off
and I saw the garbage truck
and I was like
no thank you like i didn't even take it out of the box it was just like what you didn't know
is the back of the garbage truck had hundred dollar bills all in it it was one of those
gifts you're like ah a copy of moby dick uh that's not oh oh okay my kids are just so much better than me they've always acted like
every present they've ever had was just what they hoped for right you know parents grandparents
everybody they're just they're just delightful and and well-mannered i was not that i was just
like god like why would you think anyone would want this? What the fuck are you thinking, retard?
I already have this garbage truck.
I'm getting mad about that.
What do you think, I want to be a garbage man?
Is that what this is about?
Part of me realizes I was an awful child that night.
Another part of me is like, but it was an awful present.
You know, don't get it twisted.
A toy garbage truck is a shitty gift.
I had a toy garbage truck, and I thought it was fun.
I also had a toy gas station.
You were wrong.
That is an awful present.
What was your favorite childhood Christmas gift?
The one that you really, really wanted,
and it showed up, and you were just thrilled, and it actually lasted beyond that first
glow of Christmas time period?
Probably the Nintendo 64. I was so excited when I
got that. I immediately knew, I'm now the cool kid.
But then you show up at school again, and it's like, everybody got an N64.
Didn't matter, because I loved it getting the n6 oh getting uh the pokemon game boy games i think i got at
least one of those for christmas i think those were good yeah those got me really excited hockey
stuff i liked the one that comes to mind for me is a wetsuit like i was a surfer growing up and uh
i had a full body suit but it was thinner and inappropriate for a New Jersey winter
so for I suffered as long as anybody possibly could in a freezing cold suit and I just wasn't
able to surf for like two or three weeks in December because it's a fall suit and it's not
fall anymore and when that wetsuit came in like it snowed on Christmas day and I was like come at
me winter you know I've got my winter suit now and it it wasn't just Christmas day and I was like, come at me winter.
You know, I've got my winter suit now and it wasn't just a winter suit.
I had gloves and this hoodie bonnet thing that surfers have to wear in the winter and booties.
And I just got all decked out and, you know, I wore that thing until I couldn't fit in anymore.
And it did the job and it let me surf all winter and then come next spring.
Like my position amongst surfers had increased. because i was a winter surfer there's like a status to that two because practicing all winter made me better and uh it was everything i hoped it
would be i really loved the he-man sword i got when i was about four uh i loved that shit i was
a huge he-man fan i loved the movie with Dolph Lundgren as a kid
and when you swung
the sword and hit things with it
it would make like the
sort of like energy crash
noise that He-Man's sword makes when he
hits things and so I'm just running around the house
I don't remember if the sword
yelled I have the power
of the universe or if it was me
but somebody was holding that thing standing on the dining room table screaming I have the power of the universe, or if it was me, but somebody was holding that thing,
standing on the dining room table,
screaming, I have the power,
and then smashing the chandelier with it.
Love that shit.
That's bad behavior.
That would...
I was He-Man.
He-Man doesn't master of the universe.
He-Mom would take your limb off for that behavior.
She doesn't have a sword.
She's got a high heel
and she's equal to the task
of four-year-old Kyle.
I have a BB gun somewhere.
You might
be able to defeat He-Man, but Davy Crockett's
got your number.
I remember getting
this wasn't like a major present. I remember getting
like a coonskin cap.
Yeah.
You know, like the Davy Crockett style with the tail hanging down.
And like walking around at the age of like five or six,
just in my underwear and that cap, just feeling like the shit.
Man, I wish you had video.
Is there any video of you doing that?
If there was, I would show it. That would be really it that that you can find the video there is if you find the video i definitely can find
the video of me doing the exact same thing at that age except i'm naked and i'll have to blur
because i did not wear clothes as a four-year-old i ran around with my red rider bb gun and my
my coonskin hat and that was it i was a real wild man i remember
like it wasn't like so much of the stuff that i remember being so much fun was just ways for my
grandparents to get rid of us for a little bit where they were like like there was one day where
my grandma was like now your grandpa's out back and he's making a big mud puddle for you and dude
i just look out there and it's just him holding the hose like into the side
of their garden.
They're not using anymore.
And it's just a giant mound of,
of mud and dirt.
And then like a ton of like,
you know,
like 50,
a hundred square feet of just mud and dirt and like piles and shit.
And all we did all day was run out there naked and just dive and run
around mud piles.
Totally new.
And at the time it was like, this is the peak of entertainment.
Nothing can be better than this.
I wish I were that entertained by things now.
I was an adult, and I was really into off-roading, right?
But I was into rock crawling, which on the East Coast is kind of slippery rock crawling.
There's momentum involved, but it's hills and rocks.
However, kind of a cousin sport is's momentum involved but it's hills and rocks however like
kind of a cousin sport is this mud bogging thing where these guys have these high horsepower trucks
and they drive through deep mud and try to get to the other side cool well it wasn't really big in
my part of north carolina so they put together an event and i go there and there's mud but i'm not like familiar with it and this mud was made out of
chicken shit tons and tons of chicken shit and it smelled bad no i didn't participate i just went as
a spectator like you know that i had friends in common who were going to be there and watch and
we were just hanging out sort of it's fun to watch them try to get the vehicles unstuck. But there was like this collective,
not ignorance, like willful ignorance
across the whole crowd
that we weren't watching cars covered in shit,
people covered in shit,
girls in like Daisy Dukes and bikini tops
jumping in piles of liquid shit from chickens.
This sounds like
someone's version of
their greatest dream ever.
Someone who's into shit play.
They're just,
this is heaven.
Everyone's just playing in shit.
I can't wait to come back next year.
I'm just like,
are we all just going to pretend this isn't chicken shit
And you know
Like a guy would be like
You know that shit down there
And I'm like it seems like only we do
But yeah
It was chicken shit
Chicken shit is
Like really really filthy
It's got a bunch of nasty shit in it
Not safe to jump into, certainly.
I know everything there is to know about chicken
shit. I'm
well aware we would move tons of it.
You were merely adopted by
the chicken shit. I was raised
in it.
I was born in it. Raised by it.
That's why I have this mask on.
To smell nothing but it.
You just want a chicken shit. Yeah, it's awful. I'm pleased by it. That's why I have this mask on, to smell nothing but it.
What a chicken truck.
Yeah, it's awful.
It's awful.
And they clean up the chicken house, and they pile it up in enormous piles as they're loading it into dump trucks to go spread it on fields.
And then sometimes it rains on those enormous piles, and it's awful.
I know exactly.
I can smell the field you're talking about.
It sounds terrible.
Yeah.
It was kind of a neat event.
I'm glad that I didn't touch it.
I know I was just playing in mud.
Yeah.
Okay.
This is another one of those things where I seem to be the only person who's a fool.
What exactly is the difference between dirt and poop at some point
right like if i took dog dirt and spread it out amongst topsoil then wouldn't the dog dirt just
also be kind of topsoil exactly like when bugs eat shit and then shit the shit it becomes not
shit anymore like what is the process in which poop becomes dirt and and aside from the fact that
like poop itself you know like you're picturing a turd take that and spread it far and wide
now it's just dirt kind of right someone illustrate me on when poop becomes dirt
illustrate explain to me I don't know why... No.
Like a... This is taking...
I feel like we need a diagram of an animal squat shitting
and then a diagram of
the ground.
Well, as you can see...
Now, as you will notice,
an easy rule for this is
if it comes out of the asshole of the animal,
it is indeed dirt.
Now, see that pile of dirt right there?
Notice how it did not come out of the asshole
of an animal. That is not shit. That is dirt.
Let me hunker down for you right here.
Let me get my pants...
Now, take a look at that.
I'm sorry. I was drinking last night.
But all of that that just came out,
that is shit.
Which is under it is indeed shit.
That's why you must acquit.
The difference between water and a brick.
I thought you were going to go with piss.
That's true.
When does a pool, a public pool,
become piss?
You piss into the deep end and then through the shallow end. When does a pool, a public pool, become piss? I can't say I'm crying.
You piss into the deep end and then swim to the shallow end.
We're swimming in water. But what does it become?
But there's supposed to be someone out there who gets this.
Like, if you take poop and till it into the soil, then it's all soil again, kind of.
I think it's when the bacteria finally finishes eating
why is bacteria poop not poop i don't gotcha gotcha huh
i'm not a poop doctor
right like there's some bug that eats poop and poops it out and they're like oh now it's dirt
i i mean uh probably
yeah i don't know literally autofills feces are here i feel like when you do feces are the remains
of food that bacteria have fermented in the gut and that the small intestine could not digest or absorb. Poop is mostly water. And, as we all know
from experience, the amount of water in each stool can vary depending on
seven things you should know about poop.
That's the name of that article. Give us the top three.
Ten things I hate about poop.
That could be it yeah i i i i i just
i just we need to get a is it crow profile coprofile oh people who are into poo we need
to get one of those guys on the show i'd love to i would rather like a hardcore furry something
something out there although furries not nearly as out there as eating poop nothing you know who I'd like to have um the guy who does the mre
reviews yeah that ancient food from world war ii and smokes them and he seems like he's real buff
too like like he seems like he definitely did some fitness talk with this dude like whenever
he's like smoking a cigarette you're like goddamnye. He just real ripped up. Seems like an odd but interesting hobby.
I guess job. He gets millions of views that he has there.
That's really cool. It'd be awesome to be that into such a niche little thing
and then have that thing that you're autistically obsessed with become
your job. Yeah. Because you know that there's never a day.
With alcohol.
your job yeah because you know that there's never a day with alcohol well you know but it's safer i think to eat these 90 year old pieces of meat than you know guzzle a liter of jaeger a day or
whatever but it must be awesome to be like he's got somebody who has a channel about that has a
touch of the tism and that's fine everybody's got a touch but every day like i'm envious that never is he waking up
and being like i gotta do that korean war breakfast today every day he's like oh boy
head pops off the pillow do i do korean breakfast oh no i don't want to spoil that one i'm excited
i've got a civil war soap kit wonder what soap tastes like
that would be such a great thing that guy's living the dream he gets those odd and very obscure
mres and rations from not just through time but also from around the world he'll have the
yugoslavian kit from 1987 and then he he'll have the, the modern day Swedish kit.
And some of them are very nice.
The French kit has like,
uh,
all sorts of nice stuff in it.
And I don't know,
like fruit spreads and these fancy crackers and,
uh,
couscous.
And,
um,
what's the other thing?
Um,
uh,
the pate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like to see him on like,
you know,
a Tinder date.
Like what? Babe, no, that had peanut butter and saltines. I got you the good shit. I like to see him on like you know A tinder date like what
Babe no that had peanut butter
And saltines I got you the good
Shit woman where are you going
Thank you so much for
Bringing me to P.F. Chang's he's like
No problem I'll be paying for both of us
But only one of us is going to order
This is a civil war ration
Kit from 1864
Now you're going to notice a smell when you open it up.
What that is, is rancid meat.
He starts rolling a cigarette.
Well, don't leave.
All right, I'll eat your Mongolian beef.
Fuck you.
The Civil War one was the coolest one I saw.
Yeah, hardtack.
Yeah, it was hardtack. And he ate it was just so fucking cool Yeah it was hard tack
And he ate it I think
He ate something from 1860
Which is
Wow
You know
Over 50 years ago
The math checks out
Yeah
Dozens of years ago
I was thinking out. Thousands of years ago.
I was thinking today, so to me, the 1980s
is a while ago, but not
impossibly long
ago.
But in the 1980s,
that was the 40s.
That was World War II to what we are
now. 2020 is to
1980 as 1980 is to the 1940.
Sure.
That's pretty crazy.
It just seems like, wow.
Because now it feels like World War II was,
no, it's 80 years ago.
That's so, I mean, 75.
But it's a whole other lifetime.
Pretty much everybody's dead at this point.
Most of them.
Dead.
Like the position of the countries in in the global hierarchy from 75 years ago is hardly relevant today.
Yeah.
And even the people that are alive from then, it's like, well, I was two when Hitler killed himself.
And it's like, well, then were you really there?
Really?
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't think so
any other so did taylor answer the christmas present that really
or present that really met expectations n64 was a really big one and then every so often i'll get
new hockey stuff and that was always fun did you guys get a christmas eve present
no a lot of times we get so impatient, we just open everything on Christmas Eve.
So our tradition was we had a dinner at Christmas Eve,
and all the family members would come over, and I would get their gifts.
So like the gifts that came from my aunt and my uncle and my grandparents
and stuff like that, you would receive those on Christmas Eve.
And it was, you know, smaller stuff, obviously.
It's your aunt's giving you something that's $40 probably or $20.
My grandma,
one of them would always give me cash.
And she'd be like, don't tell your daddy I gave you this.
Dad!
Oh, I'd rat her out every time.
He would slap the piss out of her.
I've told you about your fixed income
woman. You come to me begging for gas.
You gave my boy
$7 in singles singles she was frail looking
but man could she take a walloping we opened uh one gift on christmas eve so we didn't have other
family it was just us and uh the rules change sometimes we go under the tree and pick it out
ourselves but the whatever you really wanted that year wasn't there on christmas eve my mom would
make sure that we didn't ruin Christmas.
Yeah, that's Santa Claus.
Right, yeah.
And then sometimes she'd pick a present for us.
We couldn't sleep all Christmas Eve.
And one time she got a Stomper 4x4s.
I bet you guys don't know what that is,
but I'll provide a link.
It's a tiny little car
that runs on a battery and just goes.
It runs over everything.
And it was like a huge winning.
I think we ran out of batteries because we'd stay up all Christmas Eve.
We couldn't sleep.
Next day was Christmas, for heaven's sakes.
And having a toy that helped you get through Christmas, it was a huge win.
I don't know why I brought that up, but I was stuck on it.
It was like, yeah.
It was probably inexpensive and all four wheels went,
and it would go over anything.
Anything that's very small and easy to go over.
Not a sneaker or anything great.
Well, it's not going to go over shag carpeting.
But a crayon, yeah, it'll do that.
It thrives
on hardwood and
sloped down surfaces.
But
anyway, I think I had
fun Christmas Eve. And normally
that night is just
exercise and torture to get to the morning.
Yeah. Yeah, I always had
good Christmases. Christmas was a huge deal
as a kid obviously
i always liked those remote control cars i would try to get one of those almost every year
um but i i wanted like i remember i had one that like the wheels were bigger than the body of it
it was like two huge wheels in the front and small wheels in the back almost like a backwards
tricycle and uh you could grab i would grab it and sling it and throw it up on the roof of the house
and it had this thing where like like thing where it would go really fast forward.
And then you had a button you could do.
And the wheels would quickly reverse the other way.
And the result would be it would jump in the air and do flips.
Oh, cool.
So I would just launch it at the peak of the roof and hit that.
And it would land on the ground.
And it was always okay.
It was cool as shit.
Yeah, that's a durable toy.
It was awesome. It was cool as shit. Yeah, that's a durable toy. It was awesome.
It was mostly tires.
It was like the tires were so big
that nothing else could really...
I think I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, I have a vague memory of it.
There was no pretend part of the car.
It was just like the flat, quote unquote, chassis
and then the enormous rubbery wheels.
Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about.
I never got one, I don't think.
Yeah, no. We had a Christmas... I got a remote control car called a firefox and it was good like it was
expensive it was 80 at a time and like it was maybe call that 400 now or something and god
darn that thing was junk junk i loved it and it broke in minutes and then we went to the store
exchanged it broke again again again we must have went to the store, exchanged it, broke again, again, again.
We must have gone through four of them before we were just like,
this toy is more disappointment than fun.
Yeah.
That's always disappointing.
Yeah.
Our thing was like we, because my grandparents lived hours south of us,
like we would go down there on either like the 23rd or like really early on the 24th.
And we would wake up on the 24th and open everything.
So Christmas Eve, open everything for my grandparents
on that side of the family.
And then, you know, that evening or early Christmas morning,
drive back to St. Louis and go to the other side
of the family's shit and get those presents.
But my grandma was always the one providing
the high class presents and
so it was it was the opposite of what i guess you and kyle are describing where we would go down
there blow our wad over like oh oh oh this shit and then we'd have to like go and be like all
right now you have to go the other side of the families and uh you can't bring your toys in
there because you have to socialize and that's rude and be like god this fucking sucks i just
i just want to go play with my toys.
I just want to go play Pokemon so bad.
Hey, did we ever discuss the Tesla truck on the show?
The what?
I'm not sure. The Tesla truck? The Cybertruck?
I think we did. Do you know it starts out at $40,000?
Yeah.
What do you get for $40,000
is what I need to know.
That's right. And not the one
I want. I'm sure of that.
The autopilot,
I want to say that's $5,000 or $7,000.
I don't want autopilot.
Here's what I'm thinking.
I'm fine with no autopilot. I'm fine with one
electric motor, I guess they're called,
as long as it's still got some
power.
It's at least
as good as a conventional V8
truck or whatever but like um
i'm wondering about the creature comforts like like am i gonna have leather seats and nice carpet
is is it's good is it gonna look fancy inside or is it gonna be really sparse and in a model three
you would in a model three i don't think there's many interior options so they're just all nice
i saw a video of the interior of the the tes truck, and I'm guessing that it was a top
of the line one.
But the dash looked like I know it wasn't made of marble, obviously, but it had that
look like a marble countertop.
And then it's just an enormous pad as your control center in the middle, like the biggest
iPad you've ever seen.
And then the steering wheel isn't a wheel at all.
It's more like, you know, it's like two handles that are like connected.
I've seen a lot of concept cars with that steering wheel,
and they never go into production with that steering wheel.
I think it's not as good.
I need a wheel.
You know, there's so many things you do with a wheel that this doesn't do.
Exactly.
That's highway driving only.
Like I come off the highway sometimes and um
that hard dash like that's how trucks were you probably know like before i was born even you
know in the 60s and 70s and people got hurt people the reason the insides of cars are all
smushy now is it's safer i wonder if it's deceptively hard looking like maybe that's like
squishy or as i looked at it and i was like that's a death trap
that's what like a 1950 like my dad's 55 chevrolet it's steel it's all steel not safe and that
but at least it's curved steel you know this looked like a countertop in front of me like
with square edges but made of like it literally looks like marble it has that appearance of like
it's like white with like the wavy stuff in it be interesting to see what evolutions it goes through on its way to production
yeah is it i saw a video of one in traffic in cali i've seen still shots like that yeah they're
out there driving them sold on the way it looks yet i think it looks kind of a little bit silly
kind of blocky but i also saw some clip
may have even been elon musk being like look at me look i'm gonna use a sledgehammer and smash
the side of this thing and it's gonna bounce right off and somebody commented was like isn't it like
uh really really really really really dangerous if your car doesn't crumple on impact like i'll
just be i'll just be turned into juice on the inside of that rumbling around like your car doesn't crumple on impact. I'll just be turned into juice
on the inside of that, rumbling
around. Your car is supposed to crumple
on impact. That's safe. It's not supposed
to be just a solid steel
brick that isn't give. There's no
give at all, and you're just rocketing
and bouncing around. I think in the front,
you've got the crumple zones, but in the side doors,
I think you do want some protection, right?
You still want crumple zones in there.
That's not what they do in NASCAR.
They put a little
thin layer of metal
or carbon fiber or something on top
of a roll cage that doesn't give
NASCAR. And the crumple happens
it's not on the doors.
But the thing they hit it with was a dead blow hammer.
If you look at it,
it's a big orange, heavy, but plastic head.
Trickery.
With buckshot in it or birdshot.
And it's meant to hit things without denting them.
Now, having said that, I think it would still dent my Ford.
Yeah, I think it would dent a regular car.
But it also isn't quite the sledgehammer that you put in your head yeah it's
not john henry it's it's something else for sure yeah i noticed that as well that they were using
i i thought of it as a rubber hammer but now that you mentioned those uh those hammers that have the
shot in them like i'm familiar now that's what i think it was it's hard to tell you know but yeah
and um i think that was the hammer that um the guy
murdered his uh kids with in 11 22 63 oh i only listened to the book maybe you you saw it was in
a movie too that you saw no in the well i i did both but i think in the book like they talk about
his fancy like hammer oh right there was something i remember now that you say that he had yeah fancy
hammer um i'm gonna say oh i think i followed a pretty common evolution with the cyber truck
which is i saw it i was instantly unimpressed not just unimpressed but like i didn't like it i had
a negative response to it and then the next day it grew on me a little more and a little more and a
little more and now i more and a little more.
And now I'm like, that was brilliant.
Oh, so smart.
Like there's the Cybertruck and the Rivian coming out.
The Rivian looks like they're trying to make a better, you know, F1 Eldorado, right?
If you mash those together.
And if you find a link, can you share it?
And they're trying to build a better Ford
or a better Chevy than they do.
Cool.
Tesla isn't trying to do that.
They're making their own thing, something different.
They're creating their own market there.
And I think that might be better.
It's going to be hard to make a better F-150 than Ford does.
They've been at it for a hundred and some years.
But I don't know. Like Cisco,
they made phones. And before them, Nortel made phones. Every company had a Nortel phone system
in there. And Cisco didn't say we're building a better phone than Nortel. They said, we're
building something different. We're building an internet phone. This is going to get rid of your
entire telephony network. And this thing will run on the same thing your computers do. You can cut your staff and your IT
costs in half. They weren't
trying to build a phone that sounded
better or gradually evolve.
They disrupted the market.
Now Nortel's out of business.
And I feel like Cisco was
smart to do that and Tesla was smart to
do that. They're not trying to build a better Ford.
They're doing something different.
I'm into it. I'm tempted to get one. It it's just i want to know what you get for forty thousand dollars
like if you get what's essentially the fastest truck in the world except for the better version
of that truck you know what i mean with like nice sick interior and this like it looks like a
delorean truck to me like the way it's angular and all sheet metal-y on the outside reminds me a lot of the DeLorean.
I like the look. I like that it's really going to stand out.
I don't know. I'm kind of into it. I would like one.
That's the one negative thing I have. I'm going to call North Carolina
and your part of Georgia similar in that I pull up at
whatever, any store, right?
Make it Wendy's, the restaurant.
I'm going to get attention for that truck.
That's not always, like, I'm not looking for that.
Yeah.
I don't want someone asking me about my truck
every time I exit it.
You know, do you like it?
I'd rather be a little more incognito.
What's this Rivian thing?
One of those real snooty fucking business cards
that say, yes, it's a Tesla truck
No, I don't like it
Joe would love to get one of those
Yes, I made a huge error
and be able to hand one back that's like
Yes, you are being robbed
Yes, I do have a gun
Some tall people have a card it's like
yes i'm very tall how tall you ask six foot ten yes life is hard for me
my basketball skills are your responses to be lined up against a wall
um this is the worst thing ever the the rivian thing you're not familiar with it
uh first i've heard of it yeah Okay, so Rivian is an electronic truck, electric EV, right?
Electric vehicle.
And it has some major backers.
One of them is Amazon, I think.
They put $100 million into this thing.
It's actually going to happen, I think, because it has support from giant companies that you've heard of.
All these electronic, I keep saying that, electric trucks kind of suck at towing.
They just don't have the amount of energy and the fuel cells that you can have in a fuel tank.
So if you're pulling a trailer against the wind, they get like 200 miles.
This Rivian is neat to me in that it knows what it is.
It says, are you taking a mountain bike into the woods, a kayak?
what it is. It says, are you taking a mountain bike into the woods, a kayak? Do you use your truck as a car most of the time, but you've got a little maybe adventure on the side?
This is the truck for you. It has seats that come out the side so you can change your clothes. It
has a storage capacity behind the back seats that's not there in other cars. You could put
a kayak inside and see golf clubs. It's just an EV truck that knows what it is and knows who its market is.
Whereas sometimes I wonder if the Tesla truck is being marketed at like landscapers who want an electric vehicle.
And it's like, yeah, that's not a market that you're going to crack.
Do you need to tow 40,000 pounds of horses 500 feet?
Yeah.
When Tesla tows a DC-10 or whatever it is,
a 737 across the tarmac,
I'm like, what are you doing?
You suck at towing.
Great, you towed it across one airport.
That doesn't actually solve now drive away
yeah you can't it's dead but the really i'm sorry the way they market it and show it off
they know where they are they know who they are and it'll be interesting to see a competitor out
there so i just don't like those headlights those little vertical like little narrow ones
so it's a very good look so the the EVs don't need cooling, right?
Like your car and my car, we all have radiators in the front and that's where the engine cools
off.
When you don't have that requirement anymore, what you do for the front headlights is an
open book.
And I haven't seen anyone that does sort of what I want, right?
Tesla has that Cylon stripe across the front hood that's a good way
to describe it yeah these guys have this vertically oriented headlight thing that
nothing looks quite right to me the car looks surprised i want a xylon thing when you power
it up like the thing where it goes left or right with the little it totally should or at least
while it's charging like that should be the charging indicator.
Yeah, I'd like that.
That you could probably do with software.
Yeah, when you change the rules...
But I feel like if you don't follow the old rules,
it looks weird to my eyes,
and I don't have an answer for what's best.
Yeah, I don't like the way they look at first either,
but I think that's because we've been looking
at the same shit forever, much right you know it's fair um i don't know i could
get used to it i i do like the tesla trucks look though i could i would definitely like one of
those i need to know i'm going to find out what what the deal is with the 40 000 dollar model
because if if it if the only thing you're getting as you step up is more power and more range and the autopilot, then I'm okay with that.
I don't drive long distances all that often.
It's often like 50 miles at a time back and forth.
That would work for you then.
I can't wrap my head around not wanting the autopilot.
That to me is probably the number one thing i want from a tesla it's the number one deficiency
in my current car yeah i mean if it were only a 5 000 more i can get on board with that but if it's
like 20 000 more you can keep it yeah or is it like oh it's five grand more but only available
on the one that's 20 grand more exactly yeah yeah i don't know that's one of the things
that you know if you i i would think you could do it your way like they're like burger king you know
have it your way uh because that's how like ford and chevrolet and everybody else is you know if
you want to have your mustang just the way you want it and it's sort of an odd configuration
that doesn't normally happen you can do it you. They'll just order you one and make it the way you want it instead of do it.
I do know that on the Teslas that are out now,
not only can you get it on any model, this is the autopilot,
but you can get it later.
As a way to have fewer configurations and simplify their manufacturing,
they put the things you need for autopilot in every car,
which is basically a bunch of cameras and there's some hardware involved well they don't build every car differently they just install different
software on it and i suspect there's a lot of people who like two years later 18 months later
like you know what i want it they're like cool send us five grand we'll have the cloud update
your car and you'll get it wow that seems like somebody out there
has hacked that shit though right they're like yeah i want it now probably uh it's possible
and people i've heard variants of that like um but these teslas phone back into the mothership
all the time and like more than you might think you know they're not they're
tracking everywhere you go where you hit the brakes where you stopped and they're doing a lot
of this data so that the self-driving can be better but you're being tracked in a tesla at a
level that like no other car comes even close to yeah so that's pretty cool i i i really admire what he's done there i showed my dad the
truck the other day and he was like man that's ugly but then they started like going through
the things they could do and and i was talking about how fast the the cars are and he's not
gonna buy one or anything like that he likes his chevrolet's but like he could get on board with it
yeah i i'm looking at it now and i like it that's not what i thought on day one so your
father might evolve too but my my evolution's been common yeah it's just not it fills a very
specific niche you know and and if you if if you need the workman's workman truck this ain't it
yeah but does he is it yeah he hauls stuff occasionally yeah he hauls
stuff he'll he'll drag he'll pull trailers and it was my impression he had a a very nice truck
and then a different vehicle for work he gets that's pretty much the case i guess he doesn't
put toe stuff that much anymore even with cattle he has somebody else do all the cattling for him.
He's he caught he liked my black Angus heifer so much he started getting more.
Now he's got I don't know how many I've been out there in a while, but I was talking to
him just the other day at the UFC fight.
And I was like, how many you guys?
Oh, I got a whole herd of them now.
Every time he knows a guy who like he's in the cattle business, I think he owns a percentage of a big cattle barn where they do all the sales.
You know, all the farmers bring their cattle there and they get auctioned off.
And this guy owns a percentage of that.
So he's got he can sort of pick and choose when he sees good deals.
So whenever he sees a good deal, he'll buy my dad three or four of them and bring them.
I don't know how many he's got now, but apparently there's a whole herd of black Angus cows over there now.
I can't envision a herd.
Are we talking about eight?
No, probably more like
50 to 100. Oh, wow.
Okay, yeah.
Darn.
He's always kept quite a few cows around. How do you know
which one's yours?
They've got tags in their ears.
That'll do it.
They've got numbers and stuff like that.
I was going to give it a collar.
Bud's got a pink collar on it.
Of course.
I don't know anything about cows.
Yeah, they put tags in their ears.
I saw a guy the other day.
I don't know why I thought of this.
I guess I thought of this because the idea of putting a collar on a cow was so ridiculous.
But they were out.
The idea of putting a collar on a cow was so ridiculous.
But they were out.
When deer fight, they bust their antlers against each other and sort of wrestle in that way to determine who's the dominant guy
and who's going to get to fuck the does.
And sometimes they get hooked together.
They'll get tangled in such a way where the antler bends just enough
that it can pop past one of the other guy's antler,
and now it's bent back, and it's like a barbed arrow in a wound.
They're stuck.
And this hunter comes along, two bucks that are like this, and one of them's just's antler and now it's bent back and it's like a barbed arrow and a wound they're stuck and this hunter comes along two bucks that are like this and one of them's just
giving up the ghost he's just laying there like please just end it quickly and the other one's
just picking him up and slamming him down and dragging him through the mud well they get a
toe strap and lasso the antlers and pull them against a tree and i'm like oh good now i'm sure
he'll get a handsaw and alleviate the situation
so they can go free.
He goes,
and I'm thinking like,
these deer are never forgetting this.
This is a memory
these deers will have forever.
And he literally,
and like chops a big chunk of antler off
and the two go their separate ways.
But imagine how terrified
those two deer must be.
I thought he
was gonna get a telling regular shit so so if i could chainsaw it's gonna be the most terrifying
thing that i've ever experienced not where i thought that story was going right like i thought
he's gonna shoot one of them or both i thought he was gonna kill him you know like because here's
here's my city boy analogy ever have your wife make chocolate chip cookies and you just want to top aware
they're in the tupperware and sometimes you pull one out and the other one stuck to it
well the rules are now that's just one cookie so it'd be rude to put your finger germs on it and
put it back so if i have two deer stuck together well that's that's just, I get both. Okay.
I see where you're coming from.
I would try and line up a collateral.
What'd you say? You go for a collateral?
A collateral.
I've done that.
In real life, a collateral deer?
Yeah.
Where'd you hit one and where'd it hit the other?
I shoot right behind the shoulder blades, which is where the lungs are.
And on the second one, it hit the... i shoot right behind the shoulder blades which is where like the lungs are and just and on the second one it hit the general same area okay you know once they lined up sort of
looking the same way there's there'll be herds of deer sometimes when you're hunting and just
wait for them i like to think that k trapped vacants on the new cod and i am
baffled by it so it's all re-skinned and some i have so many hours on vacant yet when i play it
now i'm lost i don't even know how to get places i don't know the lines of sight i'm i'm such a i
got wrecked our team won but
like and i'm playing the objective so you get wrecked when you do that but still i didn't know
how to go like i'm playing hardpoint i'm like i don't even know how to get there i don't know
where it is i like i don't know the same old vacant or do they change stuff all the lines of
sight are the same and you know but maybe they replace like a copy machine with a crate or something but like things
are just i don't know my way around i need to like every so often i re-establish it all right
right that's where b-dom was and here's the outside shipping crates and like i but i'm feeling lost
all the time i remember on vacant specifically all of the nade angles like where you need to
throw to go from like that back kind of office building like
the corner of that like oh that's right you go on the stop and you hit like the corner at the right
angle and then it goes directly on to be like where you can wall bang people if you've got
deep impact like into that bathroom area with the blown out walls yeah i remember a ton of vacant i
had that was one of my favorite maps vacant was up there that yeah crossfire vacant was one of my
favorite like 1v1 maps uh i remember whenever Wings and I played 1v1,
first he took me to Dome and just raped me real hard.
Just no mercy.
Is that a World at War, man?
Yeah, Dome is World at War.
Yeah, we played World at War,
and he just stomped my shit in like, I don't know,
10 to 3 or something like that.
I'm like, let's play some COD 4.
Let's hop on Vakant.
And that one went my way. But he was definitely just the dome god he had figured all the head glitchy spots out and like where to be and it like i'm like where were you i'm having to watch the
kill cams in a 1v1 to even understand what he just did to me he did that to me on a modern warfare 2
map um and i'm like i was new to wings wings a better player than
i was so i don't mean to deny that fact but i thought i had a shot in my head i'm like we
played 10 times i win four let's see how this goes you know i'm gonna give my a game and wings just
wrecked me and i always i didn't ever like never even realized i was coming into danger
but there he is you know on the other side of the map,
hitting the right pixel just once.
I got wrecked, and I was like, let's go to shipment.
And I don't think he realized that if you crank your Astros up high enough,
you can still sound horror people crouching and stuff.
And shipment, I don't know, for whatever reason,
like if I'm a blue belt in call of duty in general i
was a black belt at shipment 1v1s and uh and i got the best of wings and a bunch of people
on that so it made me feel better but yeah well let me slip in a couple of advertisements here
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Is long-term munchies booty call part of the copy?
Yeah.
I like a company with a little personality.
Yeah, you giggle at that every time oh there's a
montage there's a montage of me laughing at you know what the best thing about eating your favorite
thing is it's your favorite thing and you're eating it i'm like i have to hold it back now
man our ad copy guy's killing this one dude.
Absolutely slaying it.
What'd the focus group think of that new copy?
Well, most of them said it was okay, but this one guy.
Every time we read it, he's kicking out laughing.
Look at him, he's crying.
He volunteered for free this time.
He's sitting there, busting a gun.
Oh, you should do comedy.
Just tell me if you feel the urgency
to purchase the product.
We talked a little shit on The Mandalorian
on PKN.
And my main complaint about it was
it just didn't feel like they were really going anywhere.
And it felt like some of the episodes were worthless.
Like throwaway episodes that were just like, alright, well
how does this further the main storyline? I was getting a bit annoyed by that, but I saw
the, I'm not going to spoil anything, I saw the newest episode, I watched it today,
maybe an hour before the show, and some of the previous episodes that I was a little
annoyed with, kind of made more sense now, like they kind of
came back into play a little bit
so this last episode i think is the second best episode only to the premiere i liked it a lot so
i'm back on board i'm i'm i think i said it was a six and a half out of ten series on pkn
give it another half a point we're back up to seven we're back up to seven. We're back up to seven. We're in business, boys. We gotta see.
That's right.
Yeah, and obviously The Expanse is out too. I don't know if you
had a chance to watch any of that,
but it's just the most beautiful television
show that's on the air right now, I think.
It looks so nice. It looks
so crystal clear.
I want to know what camera they're shooting
it with. It looks so nice. Now I want to know what camera they're shooting it with. It looks so nice.
Now I want to know.
Yeah, it's fucking good.
I'm digging that a lot.
I wish there were nudity.
That's the only thing they're lacking.
There was a sex scene,
and it was a little explicit.
I got a little butt crack.
What was shown?
Just ass crack and titties?
No titties.
No titties.
Then that's not a sex scene.
I've done years of research on this kyle that's not a sex scene let's pop on over to mr skin.com and see if there are
any bit of ass crack categories let's see no it was uh was that grandma's boy the movie where
they're trying to make the uh the porn not not porn, the nudity in the movie website?
That's a real thing.
I didn't know there was a comedy.
I know, it's called Mr. Skin, but there was some comedy where they're trying to make a Mr. Skin.
We need to get sponsored by them.
And they don't know that it exists.
Yeah, they have awards every year.
They have the Mr. Skin award show where they give awards on these ridiculous categories that they essentially make up.
One of them is best back burger of the year.
And that's when you see the vagina from the back.
It's slightly bent over.
Back burger.
Yeah.
It's not an appealing name for it.
Does she wear panties in these back burgers?
No.
Oh, well, that's a special movie there. You don't see many back burgers. an appealing name for it. Does she wear panties in these Backburgers? No.
That's a special movie there.
You don't see many Backburgers.
Let me help you out. Let me find the Backburger winner of the year. I have a feeling it's not
going to be a AAA title.
I don't know because it says $99
for a lifetime membership.
Top five Backburger scenes
at Mr. Skin.
Link, please.
My goodness.
They really get it right to you immediately.
This is the $99?
No, I certainly didn't pay for anything.
I refuse to pay.
I consider it a business expense.
They've got all sorts of categories.
This is a movie?
Back in theaters?
The thumbnail gets you on there.
Jeez-oo.
Yeah, and as you watch the video,
they go through the best back burger scenes.
Oh, Female Vampire 1973.
I mean, they had to dig in the archives
to find some of these back burgers.
Let's see if...
What, full access?
I wonder if that's
real pubic hair.
No, it's a merkin.
I think it might have been. Salon Kitty
1973. These are some older
back burgers. They do one
every year. So I think they're
showing you some old content because you haven't
paid. Yeah, I got 20
seconds in or so and they
hit me with a sign in.
Who's paying for this?
Taylor, who's judging me for paying for this?
What he's like hiding his skin.
Meanwhile in the closet,
there's an exact replica Stanley Cup
that he's mortgaged his house to buy.
That's true.
Oh, you decorated behind you.
I just noticed.
Yeah, he's got all sorts of stuff back there.
No, it hasn't. No, it hasn't. What, the wall? Yeah, the wall. No. I just noticed. Yeah. He's got all sorts of stuff back there. No, it hasn't.
No, it hasn't.
What, the wall?
Yeah, the wall.
No, I've got another one.
I've got...
Another wall?
...a few men yesterday.
His house is full of them.
This one I've got to put up.
Oh, that's a good one.
Nice.
That's a good one.
I appreciate the decorating budget for Taylor's back wall.
All right, Taylor, you got $7.
We spent
flies of dollars on this. I hope you guys appreciate it.
Yeah.
We bought the cheapest Joker poster.
We bought the only Lord of the Rings Return of the King poster.
You bought the Bart and Nudie thing because
it was on sale and this
really low quality Stanley Cup banner, which
because of my camera, you can't tell how
shitty it is.
It doesn't.
Yeah.
Cause I was under,
I can see that it is fabric.
I can tell that much.
And I assumed it was really good.
I thought you ripped it down out of the actual stadium.
You climbed the rafters and took that bad boy.
That'd be cool.
That would have been,
that'd be ultimate trophy.
Wouldn't it?
Like I'm sure all stadiums do that where they have like,
you know,
your,
your entire franchises,
you know,
banners and pennants and awards and stuff.
I wonder if anyone's ever gone into full Spider-Man mode
to get that 95 World Series banner at the Brave Stadium or something like that.
Somebody's done it.
Probably.
I know people have stolen bases before.
That would be a cool thing to have.
If you stole fucking second base out of your favorite baseball team.
Is there something like that in hockey?
Goals.
If you try and steal stuff, the players will
beat you up.
You want to do it when they're not there.
Ideally, you wait until
the people who fight for a living have gone.
You don't run into
an MMA. It would be
especially dangerous.
I really want a pair of Daniel Cormier's gloves while he's wearing them while he's doing with a machete and tries to cut
his hands off belgium style yeah yeah you'd have to they're super hard to get off like you need a
yeah they wouldn't just come off yeah yeah i don't know if there's something like the bases i
i know that 10 cent beer night all of. I know that Tencent Beer Night,
all of the, what was that, Cincinnati?
That was crazy.
Cleveland, yeah, the Cleveland Indians.
Is it the Cleveland Indians? Yeah, it might have been Nickel Beer Night.
It was one of the others.
How did that work out?
It was a goddamn riot, a disaster.
They started fires in center field.
If anybody hasn't seen it,
and I know we've mentioned this probably years ago at this point, but
go to YouTube and type in
Opie and Anthony, video and day,
and then Cleveland
Tencent Beer Night, and it's them making
fun of this documentary
where they're playing the Rangers
or something.
I don't even know.
Some other team. The Rangers.
And the Rangers player is like,
thank God
that the Reds players protected us,
because they were coming for us.
They were coming for us. They weren't going
to show mercy. They were out of their minds.
They were... Ten cent beer,
it just don't make no sense. It just don't
make none. They must have had...
They drank till they vomited, and then they
filled up again, and then they come for us,
and they wanted blood.
It's like a war story.
It's ridiculous. The guy who ran it, they're interviewing a bunch of the people who were there and the players on either team and the cops.
And one of the guys who was there, he was talking about just getting drunk.
He's like, I was 18 at the time.
And he's like a slow talking Ned Flanders kind of guy.
You'd never suspect him.
He's like, well, I was 18 at the time and we'd been drinking and i was drunk and i remember
being in the right field stadium stands there and seeing thompson's hat and i just thought
i gotta have it and so i jumped over the side and ran over there and i tried to grab it and
and he kicked me down and i was he was
standing over me and i went oh hell and then everybody and then he goes to some cop he's like
and then everybody starts pouring in the sides over the sides and running over there and you
know it was the 70s we got our batons out sometimes you had to use them and then like the
player who's like and then i was standing out there in left field and I caught a glass bottle
of the side of the head and just thank God those police officers and those
Indian players were there.
We might not have made it home.
And it's so funny that all this stuff.
And then like the end of it,
after all this mayhem,
all this nonsense,
the Indians had to forfeit the game.
They're like,
and so that was the end of Tencent Beer Night in Cleveland.
So I have a question.
Until they tried it again three months later.
I love the slow learning.
Colorado Rockies, 2020, hypothetically, Dollar Joint Night.
How does that go down?
Lots of people are going to show up.
Lots of people show up.
It was something else.
They just stared at the stars long after the game ended.
Some of them just kept talking about dumb ideas.
A record-breaking night for the food sale.
Yeah, right.
We didn't have enough pizza for everyone.
So many soft pretzels.
Yeah, that would be funny.
Yeah, I don't think you can steal those banners.
I remember Nashville fans, the Nashville Predators,
were getting embarrassed a few years ago.
It's like a hockey meme now.
Usually, you only raise a banner in your stadium if you win the Stanley Cup
or if you are a Western Conference champion or Eastern Conference champion or like even maybe division champion, you know, and even that stretched it a little bit.
They put one up for the president's trophy, which is having the most points at the end of the regular season.
And they put another one up that was like Central Division regular season champions.
And it was like, what?
You got knocked out in the first round.
Your fans are furious.
You're going to wait until the first game of the season next year and go,
hey, guys, remember last year?
Let's raise these up.
Let's raise these loser banners up.
I like to think teams without a rich history.
Like the Carolina Hurricanes are like, oh yeah, the 2017 winning record.
Yeah.
When you make the playoffs,
no!
The 2018-2019
Hurricanes, not been moved
to Quebec yet.
Are the Canes doing
good? I haven't talked about that. They are. Yeah, they're one of the
better teams in hockey right now.
I thought they were doing better.
I know the Flyers are struggling.
But as long as one of your teams is doing good, you're solid.
I hear you, but I think the Flyers are better than you said they were.
I'm going to look up power rankings right now.
Oh, don't do that.
Those people are idiots.
Just go to standings and look at the last 10.
I think power rankings might make me look better.
Oh.
I choose my own news.
But it has the Hurricanes at 6
and the Flyers at
12, which was lower than I thought.
Oh, previous ranking 7. That must be what I saw.
The Blues are second
in the league right now.
Behind the Washington Caps.
I have the Blues. Which I'm not a fan
that the Blues are doing this well.
This list has them fourth in the power rankings.
Yeah, I don't.
I never really go to the power rankings.
I just look at the advanced stats and the regular stats and standings and shit.
Trying to get a feel.
Like Boston's still ranked number three, but their last 10 are 4-4-2.
But Boston's so fucking good.
They've only lost one in regulation at home.
So they're going to bounce back. A team I can see winning the Cup
is Colorado this year. They're looking fantastic.
Good for them because that's the only other team in the Central that I
really don't seem to mind is Colorado. That's probably because we spank
Colorado. I think we're 6-0 against them in our last six.
6-1 in the last
seven. So you don't hold a grudge against them?
No, I don't hold a grudge against them. Whereas, you know,
teams that beat our ass at every time,
like somehow the fucking New York Rangers
seem to beat us every time.
But, yeah.
Speaking of sports,
Kyle,
is Georgia not getting a
bowl game for sure? Oh, they're getting a bowl game for sure?
Oh, they're getting a bowl game.
They just don't go to the playoffs.
Or I mean the playoffs.
That's what I meant.
So there's no way for them to get in?
No, they don't serve. All the regular seasons are over.
Yeah, yeah.
They're definitely odd man out.
And it's fitting that they are.
Well, there's always next year.
Yeah.
We've got a lot of good recruits. We've got, I want to say, four four-star receivers
and maybe a five-star QB or something like that.
We've got a lot of good recruits.
Georgia's been going through a,
when I think of Georgia and their history,
I could be off their football.
They're not usually a top five team.
They're good.
They're a ranked team.
But lately they've been, you know, one of the three.
We replaced our coach.
We got rid of Mark Richt.
And I think this new guy is Kirby Smart, maybe.
And he has really, he's gotten us to that level.
For a long time, we were like a top 15 team perennially.
And lately here, like maybe the last five years in a row,
we've been right there in the
hunt every every year yeah like just just outside the playoffs it seems i don't know if you guys
made the playoffs yeah i think uh we um we we played alabama for the sec championship last
year we we go to the sec championship uh last couple years in a row and we've lost uh to alabama
we blew a big lead uh last year i think And obviously this year we got blown out by LSU.
Yeah.
Nice.
Yeah.
If we were in another division, things might go a little better.
Yeah.
You could come to the ACC if you wanted.
Oh, we would love that.
Well, you would have Clemson to deal with.
The same thing could happen potentially.
Yeah, you're fucking right.
It is Clemson.
But Clemson is just the bully over there.
Like it's. They beat everybody's ass. Pretty much Clemson but but clemson is just the bully over there like like it's
they beat everybody's ass pretty much clemson and nc state are the top
chugger nuts the ace at nc state neck and neck
is nc state not good at all i have no nc state on a good year we'll enter the rankings right i
don't know i don't remember us ending in the rankings but we'll get ranked now and then in
a good year not this mizzou ever gets to like lower than 20 it's like man killing it this year
yeah best ever we're in the same class yeah it's five straight and it's like who cares
like you know we'll have like a curiously good record like a nine and two but we haven't faced
the problems yet and then we end up like you know nine four or something and
so it goes yeah if i were to get into football it would definitely be college not nfl
yeah it seems like there's always surprises
and huge upsets in college
football. I know that happens in the NFL too.
How long can the Patriots kill
everybody before you're
kind of tuning out?
One more year.
I've been reading the Patriots
are done this year.
They might get knocked out early in the playoffs
and this is the end.
Could be. Could be.
But I always bet on Tom Brady.
Spice Melange. Well, you win a lot
if you do that.
Spice Melange. That was a weird
episode of South Park.
If you're not a Dune fan, you must have been sitting there
like, what the fuck are they talking
about? Why are his eyes blue?
What is this? was that was so
referential that if you haven't watched dune you're just really left out yeah i didn't get it
yeah never played doom uh it's dune and it's the movie oh dune yeah play dune or doom well you
really gotta play dune that would be a good game for you to play uh on twitch i think do the new
doom is coming like the old so all right so there's
doom is one of the original first person shooters but they remade it in 2016 i want to say with you
know next gen graphics and everything and it's a really fast paced like you never stop moving
and you just annihilate annihilate annihilate all these monsters and there's blood and gore and
you've got like 15 different kinds of weapons.
And you keep upgrading them to make them even more hardcore.
And you've got a chainsaw and shotguns and rocket launchers
and all sorts of cool laser guns and shit.
And you just dominate and dominate and dominate.
And they're making a sequel.
And it was supposed to come out like right now.
But I think they pushed it back because they wanted to have it perfected.
So sometime early next year, I maybe summer maybe spring but i'm really excited for the next
doom game they've added a lot of shit it's a first person shooter that you know it's a single
player game and it's just about it's a run and gone just destroy everything kind of video game
yeah that would be really good to learn wasd that's what i was waiting to insert yeah i think
that your first uh you're obviously
learning wasd now i think did you play south park and such with a keyboard mouse or a controller
yeah but that's that's real easy and then since then i've been playing magic and hearthstone and
that's point and click card games okay yeah well even just navigating step one step two i think
play ai um yeah the worst games to learn on according to me are the ones where you don't
get a lot of engagements you know like i don't know tarkov but i'm guessing that
you just don't get to slay a hundred i bet what do you get like six kills a night does that seem
rightish um well you're because you fight scabs a lot like i probably get 10 kills a game something
like that how long is the game it varies you know half an hour though
you know probably something like that it's not caught it's not like like constant action or
anything like that but it's not you're right in what you're saying like yeah it's not a game to
like craft your skill and learn how to do it like that's pub maybe pub g's a little bit too slow for
that unless you're hot dropping always jumping into into that zone where 20 people in PUBG land in one building every single match.
If you go to that building, then you get crazy gunfights.
But COD is that rinse and repeat shit where you could really craft your skills.
The penalty for dying is super low.
Three seconds later, you're playing again.
And Doom is like that on steroids.
Yes, and it's AI.
It's AI, it's AI.
And you can set that difficulty level down low.
And like,
it,
it does all the things that you need to learn as a,
as a keyboard and mouse gamer.
You know,
you're,
you're switching from this weapon to that weapon.
You're activating power ups.
You're,
you're jumping,
you're climbing,
you're mantling,
you're,
you're doing power moves.
It's,
it's prompting you sometimes so like when
you get an enemy down to like a low enough health level he'll sort of blink like blue and you know
now you can literally rip his jaw off and like shove it up his ass or something like that it's
you do stuff like that you don't literally shove it up his ass but you do things like
oh then i'm not interested one of them has these glowing yellow like testicle like growths on him and you like those off and shove them down his
throat and then he explodes into gore it's it's crazy stuff like that i finished the cod single
player campaign and i think i gave it so so marks uh the last time i was a little frustrated by some
of the slowness by the time i finished it i loved it like i really enjoyed the cod single player campaign i thought it was great and two things changed one uh i wasn't streaming
anymore so just gave it more attention listen to the cut scenes and stuff like that whereas
normally i divert from the game and listen to the stream if it doesn't require my attention
and uh two i think maybe the second half of the game, which is more of what I enjoyed. Yeah, I got sucked into it.
And then I guess I can spoil it.
At the very end, he assembles a team.
And they don't, basically the team is called the 141,
which we're all familiar with, right, from the previous CODs.
And you've been playing a guy,
and you don't realize that you're, I think soap this whole time.
And another guy,
I forget.
And then there's one guy with no picture.
They're like,
yes,
you never see him.
I'm like,
Oh my fucking God,
ghost is coming back.
I swear to God,
we're going to get ghost in the next modern warfare.
I'm certain of it.
And I'm just,
I'm tingling right now.
So I really enjoyed that campaign.
Yeah, it was a prequel. Yeah, you
don't really find out to the end that it's a prequel
to Call of Duty 4, and I thought
that was kind of cool. It didn't,
I wasn't just like, ah,
dun dun dun. I was like, nifty.
You know, by that time,
often by the end,
I guess it was a good campaign,
but at the end of the halo
campaign i'm like so there's no more we beat them all and it's like that scene in major pain when
he's like but there must be somebody needs killing and he's like no major you've killed them all
but in cod i'm like it's over right we're done here like we killed them all right and i'm kind of
glad it's over by the end it can it can get a little tedious at the end it's major pain that
movie where like he becomes the the counselor whatever for those kids or like the the drill
instructor one of the kids is whining about like his foot hurting or something he's like
now you come here give me a finger i won't that pain. You're not going to be thinking about your foot.
Let me show you a little trick.
Take your mind off that pain.
And you'd seen him earlier on the battlefield
where the wounded soldier had been shot.
Let me show you a little trick.
Take your mind off that pain, boy.
Yes, God, please.
Give me your hand.
And he just breaks the guy's finger in two.
And this kid's like seven. And he's like, yeah. And you just breaks the guy's finger in two. And so, and this kid's like seven.
And he's like, yeah.
And you see him take the little kid's finger.
And he's just about to snap a seven-year-old's pinky finger
when the teacher comes on.
There you are.
You must be Major Payne, the new commandant.
That's right.
That movie, I haven't seen it since I was like a kid.
But that movie made me laugh so hard i
remember it still holds up to me i i still like it you know like like when he's telling the little
boy the story of the little engine that could and hey too too he's trying to tell this little
this affirmational tale about the little engine that could because the kids smaller than the other
kids and they won't let him go and do certain things. But then he goes into a full-on Vietnam
flashback and he's like, but it wouldn't until they realized
Charlie dynamited the bridge up ahead and boom!
And there was blood and shit and gore everywhere. And I looked
and Jimmy came crawling out the back. And he said,
Payne, I can't feel my legs and i said jimmy that's
because they ain't there and i looked two little stumps was just kicking it's 40 miles to the
nearest safe zone unless you can flip upside down and walk on your hands you ain't gonna make it
and then charlie was everywhere and it was just me and my sidearm and i had no other option other than to blast my
way out and then he just goes full flashback mode you'll never take major benefit pain alive
he's just screaming and shooting and your recall on these movies is insane
i've seen it two or three times it's a good movie. I'd be the same if I saw it twice.
Yeah.
I would not.
No chance.
Is that the one with the funny black drill sergeant?
This is what I would remember.
Yeah, that's a good movie.
There's a lot of good clips of it. Like the boy thinks there's a monster
in his closet.
Major Payne just
shoots through the closet door with his sidearm and he
goes if he's still in there he ain't happy that's such a good one yeah oh what other movies because
you know how so many movies as a kid or even like you know tween or young teen or whatever you'll
see and be like god God, that was tight.
And then later it ruins it.
What are some ones that hold up for you?
To get it started, one,
I watched the original Austin Powers recently,
and that still made me laugh really hard.
It's stupid, yeah.
It's a retard humor, but it's hilarious.
It's great.
Mike Myers is so funny.
Sandlot for me.
I really like Sandlot.
I can still go back and watch that.
I'm trying to think of...
Oh, well, that's one that doesn't hold up.
What? Monster Squad.
I never saw that. Monster Squad is about...
It's made in the late 80s, and it's about
this group of kids who hang out
at a treehouse. Everybody in the neighborhood,
all the boys.
They end up actually fighting the real
versions of monsters at Halloween.
And they're the monster squad.
They're fighting Dracula and the
mummy and Wolfman.
As a kid, I thought it was the coolest
shit ever. And as an adult,
I'm like, ah.
Ah.
You know what? I was getting a purchased it, huh?
You bought it on your Amazon.
I'll tell you what, I watched the other day,
unless Woody has a movie that didn't hold up for him.
Oh, that does hold up for me, Starship Troopers.
Does hold up.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I liked Starship Troopers when I saw it as a kid.
It was a movie about fighting bugs.
And as an adult, you know, It was a movie about fighting bugs. And as an adult, it was a movie about
authoritarianism
and fighting bugs.
I just dug it.
I showed that movie to Taylor. That's the one with the meme where it's like,
I'm doing my part. Yes.
That's really funny. Chiz and I showed
that movie to Taylor when we were all in Colorado.
And I know Chiz and I were both looking at each other like,
yeah, he's watching it. He's going to love it.
He's going to be like us. He's a starship virgin.
It's going to be great.
We're all going to have this thing in common now that we all love together.
It won't just be me and you and Woody.
Now the four of us will love Star.
And he's just like, ah.
And we're stoned as fuck.
And he's just like, you know.
Sports Center on?
Is it nine yet?
Is Sports Center on?
Score. Did he literally say that your phone yeah but like he was done he was tapping out i was probably too high to appreciate the yes yeah i remember liking that movie the subtleties of starship
troopers are difficult to keep up with that's a fair see the symbolism when he throws the knife
into the man's hand that's what you have to be aware of to really appreciate well it's a nuanced take put your hand on that
wall it's a brain bug whoo yeah that's great that's great i love starship troopers there's
so many memes and like you said woody it's you know it's both that movie with lots of titties
and fight and bug fighting and it's also this statement about tyranny and authoritarianism.
There's a move.
There's a scene in there where,
you know,
one hot chick throws herself at Johnny Rico,
our guy,
and he's not sure about it.
And his commanding officer is like,
Hey,
when a good thing comes along,
you say yes.
And so he fucks her.
I'm like, I like this, you know?
And spoiler, she dies not too long after that.
And I'm kind of glad she got a good dick riding in.
She had some nice titties.
I didn't like them that much, but I liked her overall.
They were flapjack titties.
What's her name?
I need to see.
You guys need a tiebreaker vote.
We do need a tiebreaker vote. I would like this.
I'm going to get you the
titties.
She still does
the voice, by the way, for a
character.
Oh, man.
Alright, so this isn't her. This is actually the other
chick who gets naked in the
show the pretty one right the smarter one you're talking about um uh that one does not get naked
for us the two the rats well they take a big like communal shower there and so like everybody's
getting naked that's the scene where her boobies failed to impress me. So let's see.
Double checking that I don't show this on stream.
Yeah, you got the whole video here.
You can just play this.
This is two minutes of just the communal shower that they have.
You know, they are a little lackluster
now that I see them in this light.
The chick with the short hair has much nicer boobies.
The really short hair that's going to be right here
in this scene?
Yes.
There's nothing wrong with these.
You know, she's holding...
There's nothing wrong with them, no.
She's holding her elbows straight up
so that they are shown in their best light
this entire time.
If you see this girl's titties just
with her elbows down
like you're paying attention to the posturing which you know it's fair point y'all
the y'all of the tit i'm looking here she's about to get laid uh again elbows up they know exactly
oh my god he did the hockey thing where he held her shirt above
her head so her arms are up for this entire scene they know the handicap that they're working with
and they're showing off those titties in their best light he should have started just punching
her hockey style barbara streisand movie howard stern was making fun of her because barbara
streisand has a big nose and uh it was called, like, the movie was called The Man Only Has One Face or something.
But Howard called it The Camera Only Has One Angle the whole time because it only showed
her straight on.
The entire movie, they showed her straight on.
And I'm noticing every shot of this poor woman's boobies elbows up.
Well, Starship Troopers went back to basics and we get a whole lot of nudity in this
scene. As you can see, this is a scene where
inexplicably, there's some reason for it. I don't remember.
Everybody just gets naked and stands
there. Is this Starship Troopers
2? 3. This is
3. Yeah, they're still making
them, by the way, for some reason.
They're still making them. I don't think I've ever seen
3. Yeah, you don't want to.
You don't want to.
But everybody just, he's, Casper Van Dm is still in them um he's you know they keep hiring him i i guess there's
nothing else to say is he a bad actor you think i guess he's a little simple yeah he's a bad actor
yeah they all like stand on a stage naked with nothing but this like weird reflective solar
powder in front of their crotch and is there any purpose of this i'm sure they explain it they're
being scanned it makes no sense though it's the purpose is to show all of these ladies titties
because they they have definitely been cast for their titties what's funny and the dudes are not
in bad shape or anything all the dudes are hot too oh see i disagree there are like four dudes who are absolute perfect specimen and a woody
on stage for no particular reason that's your comic relief
i'm like how is this poor guy's got to be in this scene with everyone else he was even like
you take him underwear all right he knows that knows I take his underwear away from him. This is probably going to be happening in this scene.
They're scanning them, and I think they're scanning their ability to be like,
put in some sort of fancy armor or be like armored up or something like that.
Yes, you are indeed naked.
Dude, I just got to a part.
It's about one minute in.
Hot chick looks at Johnny Rico's cock and starts laughing.
Oh, it looks like they're getting scanned so that they can put weapons on them or something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, Johnny should laugh at her back burger.
Not quite so flattering.
I like that we're men's rights about this scene.
Shocking.
You know all of us.
We're all very hardcore men's rights activists what is this
site the most brave thing to be hero hero it's new to me what the website hero.com
i just googled like dizzy from starship troopers tits and that that was the first thing that popped up. Man. Yeah.
So I found something that's really turning me off on capitalism right now.
I'm interested.
And that is this capitalist hell toilet.
Doesn't actually exist yet, but it's in the making. And it is a toilet that the bowl leans down like 13 degrees,
and it's designed to make sitting on it for more than five minutes
very uncomfortable on your legs.
Oh, that's not where I thought you were going.
Like in Italy or France, but public toilets cost money.
I thought that's what we were going to be saying.
But no, this one just prevents you from hanging out on your phone.
Yeah, and that's wrong.
That's wrong.
What if you got a real growler to deal with?
Maybe you've been enjoying a diet of cheese and Italian meats.
And everything is coming out slow and painfully.
Like you need more than five minutes.
What am I supposed to do?
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?
I would probably end up sitting
on it backwards, Butters style.
Wait, wait. Does that
solve the problem?
And you have a nice place to
put your comic book and your chocolate milk.
Yeah.
That's brilliant.
Sir Harrington.
Yeah, but if you sit on it that way,
you have to take your pants all the way off.
Butters does anyway.
He doesn't hit the urinal.
And then Sir Harrington comes back
and demonstrates that Butter was right about it
the whole time.
Yeah, the guy invented the crap.
If you sit on it the other way,
then you have to turn around and look at your Harrington
right in the face. That's gross.
Your Harrington?
Yeah, he called his, like, Sir John Harrington,
the inventor of the toilet,
and so he was calling poops Harringtons.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's a...
I've been watching Old South Park's on and off little bits
last couple months and it really is great
like especially the first
you know first 10 is
really vague but like
it's classic it's so fucking
episodes or seasons 10
seasons yeah yeah the most
recent episode the Christmas special it was almost like
they admitted that they were about to
make a bad episode
and then they went ahead and did it.
Yeah.
That's essentially what happens, unless I missed some nuance.
It wasn't good.
They were like,
no, we're not going to redo the same idea over and over again.
That's ridiculous.
No, we need to be original here.
Well, what if we do this?
Oh, yeah, let's do that.
And they're just rehashing a whole,
basically the whole season.
No, no.
It's basically, Randy just legalizes cocaine
and starts selling cocaine.
Yeah.
Rick and Morty's pretty good.
I'm caught up, I'm current on that.
Oh, the most recent episode was fucking great.
Yeah, smallest reminder.
What was the most, what happened in the most
recent one I'm blanking a little bit too I know I loved it oh it's when in Jerry
goes floaty and they go to the space snake literally everything's in space
Morty like Morty Morty's like I wanna get outside the ship and he's like all
right fine and Morty's standing there want to get outside the ship and he's like all right fine and morty's
standing there and out of in the background you see a space snake slithering up wearing a full
space suit with a bubble helmet and it just immediately bites morty and he's like ah what
the fuck yeah and then basically that changes the timeline a little bit and and like this
snake planet wasn't going to succeed so morty boosts the snake
planet and now there's snake problems everywhere and it's fun how they it's goofy but somehow well
thought out at the same time on how it was them ripping on time travel in media for for for 20
minutes it was it was great they made fun of Back to the Future. They made fun of Terminator.
They just ripped apart that entire premise. There's some Nazi stuff going on in there.
There's always some Nazi stuff.
They were trying to kill whatever,
snake Dolph Hitler,
and prevented the death of snake Dolph Hitler,
and now that's back and forth,
which is a meme.
Yeah, they just showed how convoluted time travel is.
I saw some meme about Hitler
and the time traveling killing thing,
where it was like
a joke coming from Hitler's perspective.
And it was after he foiled the tenth
time traveler that he snapped.
I like that.
I'm just an artist.
I'm just trying to paint.
You know what?
That's it. I'm fucking tired of this.
Put the armband on. i want to see that movie i want to see that movie where like these these jewish scientists in the future decide to stop
hitler and so he keeps having jews come at him throughout his entire life and like he keep and
people i think it's the jews after you adolfolf. The Jews are after you. No, no.
That is silly.
You're being prejudiced.
I don't care for Jews.
Exactly.
He does that for like five Jew terminators until finally he just snaps when the Yamaka
bot shows up and starts trying to fucking take him out.
I try to be tolerant, but at some point I have to ask about patents.
A dozen, a dozen time travelers.
They said I did some fucked up shit
and they're pushing me in that direction.
They're giving me some good ideas here.
That would be a good movie.
There is that movie where Hitler's on the moon, right?
Riding the Tyrannosaurus.
What's that movie?
It's where the Nazis went like the nazis went to
the moon after world war ii and they've been hiding out this whole time and now they're like
space nazis oh what am i crazy was hitler not german was he austrian or i make that up he was
he was austrian no he was austrian but like i'm pretty sure in like yeah he was well no because
in World War I it was the Austro-Hungarian Empire
like it
wasn't German the main language being spoken
like there was a bunch of shared culture in that whole
region so even if it was like oh he's
Austrian not German like they
I'm pretty sure they spoke the same language right
he was born in
it's hard to pronounce Bernada M
in a town in Austria-Hungary, present-day Austria.
Iron Sky. That's the name of the documentary
about where the Nazis set up a secret base
on the dark side of the moon in 45 where they hide out and plan to come
back and take on the world whenever they start. Are you sure it's a documentary?
Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it absolutely is.
Oh, they got dinosaurs?
They do have dinosaurs.
You know, it seems like if you could make a space base on the moon,
utilizing dinosaurs is a major step backwards.
Well, I don't know.
You write a Tyrannosaurus rex in a battle,
you're really making a statement.
That's true. That's what they said about the World War II as a whole.
They said that the Germans' T-Rexes were so strong that they could take on five
American Velociraptors. But the Americans always brought six.
We always had more Velociraptors. Yeah. We were just cranking them out.
We were bombing all the T-Rex plants, really affecting their industrial complex. They couldn't keep up.
I just found Taylor's link about this toilet,
and I'm showing it to everyone.
I'm stubborn enough to practice my wall sits
until I can fuck off on the corporate dime
for 15 minutes.
You know what I'm going to do?
I noticed that the upper deck of this toilet isn't slanted.
And so I'm only leaving upper deckers and i call on my
capitalism has gone too far i call on all bernie bros to shit in the top of the toilet until people
like trump and the coke brothers get this under control who's your current pick for democratic
nominee who i think is going to win or who i think would beat trump uh they're going to win
who do you think the democrats will pick uh i think they're going to pick warren because biden
is just too crazy like he's he's not making any sense like i hope they pick biden because him and
trump up there you know bandying back and forth like little quips and things like trump's going
to make him look like an idiot and he's going to give him a lot of little jokes and things to pick at.
But so I think they're going to try and push Warren as the main person.
Yeah, but Bernie is the one who I think he's the only one that like if they picked Bernie, I don't think Trump has a chance at all.
All right.
Yeah, I was going by like young people like I saw something where it was like, you know democrat voters under 35 over half of them like bernie the most and like the guys like biden and buddha judge
are way way way lower and like with warren kind of in the middle there but yeah he's he's by far
the most popular among young people call me crazy i think buddha judge says the best chance of
beating trump like if there was one v one but i don't know no i he he's not gonna he's not gonna get people out to vote like people aren't
gonna be stoked he doesn't fire me up and there are a lot of prejudiced people in this country
all of those are good points he's just the best speaker in the group maybe warren's also good but
a lot of them are bad a lot of them seem dumb and they they're over 70 and they're
prone to losing it here and there and uh buddha judge on the other hand like maybe i'm maybe i'm
a sucker for it but everything he says is just sort of well put together and that would do well
against trump who where everything he says is not well put together um but who i think is gonna win i can't get past the fact that biden's leading
every poll all the time always like at some point you're just dreaming if you think anyone other
than biden is gonna win because no like it's a big it's always about who went from fourth to third
who went from third to second first place place is the same story. Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe like I've seen some,
some polls that have Warren or even Biden,
or I'm sorry,
Bernie ahead of him.
But those are only like in certain States and in States like New Hampshire that are close to where Bernie's from and shit.
I guess also from Massachusetts,
kind of close to there,
but yeah.
If,
if,
if they pick Biden,
Trump's going to win a hundred percent for sure. Yeah. Like Biden's going to win 100 percent for sure.
Yeah. Like Biden's going to get humiliated on stage like he he's not all there.
He's just not. He really does seem. I mean.
What you got to keep in mind, I think, is that he's got all these handlers.
He's really picking his moments, picking punches as it were as a speaker and
yet we have all of the material that we've gathered on him right like like like for someone
who with an entire team of people protecting him and making sure that he's shown in the best
possible light he comes off like a blithering, foolish person at best, often.
And at worst, sometimes he comes off as someone who has Alzheimer's, who has dementia.
I hear all that.
Yeah.
We'll see.
I feel like Trump does, too.
And we all let it go.
There's so many Trump slips and stains that they're not newsworthy.
He's been like that since the 80s, though.
You know, he's this fast talking, wheel wheeling, running, gunning kind of speaker.
I agree that it comes off.
If anyone else had written that letter Trump just wrote, I think Trump took some heat for
it because it's written on a fourth-grade letter, random capitalization, conspiracy
theories, et cetera, et cetera.
But no one's's gonna be talking about
it tomorrow it's done it's over and but biden on the other hand like talks about his dumbass leg
hair story where children touched it or something i forget what it was and it's part of his permanent
record trump is good at off the cuff insults and quips and riffing off of whatever the present situation on the stage is.
That's how he was able to humiliate
all the Republicans in 2016,
in 2015, I guess, too,
where they would all get up there.
And Hillary, because all the Republicans,
Hillary, all of them had their,
all right, this is the question
that's going to be asked.
Here's what the polling data says
is the most popular,
a mealy-mouthed non-answer
that deflects
onto something that he said you know and if he responds in an unprofessional uncouth way
and doesn't sit there and just let himself get berated where it's like hillary what are you
gonna do about uh syria are you gonna increase troop involvement there well the important thing
is that trump is a rapist and uh it's like and then trump's like you'd be in jail or like
whatever the fuck like little clips like that it gets under the skin of these politicians because
they're not used to have to they're not even these debates aren't genuine conversations
look at this through a biased lens and we all do but like i remember these every single debate
hillary came out as the winner right that was the see and that's right also very true um i remember like she got up there right and told him to his fat face that he was a r See, and that's your bias showing. Very true. I remember she got up there, right,
and told him to his fat face
that he was a Russian puppet, right?
That's not a weak, mealy-mouthed thing.
She's like, you are a Russian puppet.
She lost the electoral vote,
but still, like...
He got more laughs.
He definitely got the Rosie O'Donnell line.
Yeah, he's more likable.
Not even people on the left like Tillery.
They're like, I guess I'll hold my nose and vote for this bitch.
The Democrats have a problem with likability in general.
Even as a guy who's been rooting for the blue team lately,
my God, are the Republicans not cooler?
I still have the goddamn AIDS skill wrecks, I think his name is,
against that handsome conservative guy in the plaid shirt
with the beard and it's like whose side is anybody on who's gonna win a popularity contest between
those two you know like picture a liberal girl she's not hot is she she's not yeah and you don't
want to spend any time with her when i think a conservative girl there's two things and they're
both extremes i think of like a's two things and they're both extremes
i think of like a fat walmart shopper but i also think of those bikini girls who wear the trump uh
jerseys yeah it wasn't like when obama ran he had uh actually yeah beat this woman in a dancing
competition but obama's girl uh get fucked obama girl do you remember her obama girl obama girl
yeah yeah yeah and she she
sang and she went viral back when not many people did and uh i don't know lately though that's not
what it is you know everyone on the blue team is a fucking cock fatty you know i mean most of them
unlikable i guess but it's not my mental image anyway. When I think of a conservative, I think of
Steven Crowder, who I don't actually
like that much, but
you don't look at him and say he's...
I think of manly men, like Lindsey Graham.
Right.
Yeah.
Outdoorsman types.
Rough and tumble.
Tapping your foot under a stall types.
The kind of guy who can take a real pound
well done lindsey graham is the biggest closet homo ever like a closet you say
i mean i mean the doors crack so wide we can see this we can see the butt plug like like it's it's
outrageous like like the fact that this man doesn't just come out and say it.
Yo, Lindsey, you gotta get out of here.
You're blowing up our spot.
As a Republican, I think it would hurt him.
Ah, but he's Lindsey Graham.
He's so effeminate.
And he's never been married and he's in his 60s.
I didn't know that.
Nothing wrong with it, Lindsey.
I don't personally agree
with your politics, but I don't care about that at all. I'm wrong with it, Lindsay. I don't personally agree with your politics,
but I don't care about that at all.
I'm cool with it if you're gay.
I really 100% am.
I don't care.
It's not like you're a woman.
Right.
I mean, he's salvageable.
Well, the real thing here is
we won't vote for anyone who's ever sucked a dick.
Right?
No, no, no.
We just won't vote for anyone who's ever had a pussy. Yeah. There we just won't vote for anyone who's ever had a
pussy yeah there you go both that's the rule that's people's new thing yeah yeah it's like
i don't know i feel like so much of this shit is just smoke and mirrors while they sneak other
shit through oh like while they're all worried about this impeachment that's going to go fucking
nowhere it's like oh did you know they passed a 1.5 trillion dollar spending bill
there's some snuck that right through super interesting stuff in the spending bill like
when i first heard it the republicans i'm sorry the democrats like won a bunch of things funding
things that they've wanted for a long time there's some education some medicine health care stuff and
whatever trump got the wall and it's not even a news story right now.
And when I say, so what Trump's had before this budget,
it's not signed yet, but it looks like it's going through.
Everyone's distracted.
But before that, he got some funding to redo some fencing.
And then he tried to reallocate some military stuff.
But that was actually against the rules and he keeps losing in court.
This budget, budget one lets him
reallocate some military stuff so that that'll be that won't happen anymore and two literally
funds the wall and when i say wall i'm not talking about rebuilding little fencing with big fencing
that's practically a wall i mean a fucking wall that looks like a wall that no one will call
anything but a wall really i didn't know they got that in there. Yes. Did I win a bet?
I don't know.
I don't know. It's not built yet.
It's not until it's built that you win the bet.
That may have been the bet, that it would be built.
There have to be major new parts being
made, and then you will have won the bet.
Okay. Did I lose it
or Taylor lose? I don't even know.
Both? America lost.
America lost.
No, no. If he does build a wall i think woody and i both lose because i also said he would not build the wall
my thought process back my thought process back then and it still remains true today
even though like we've seen the presidency in action and it seems like he's still teflon don
you know nothing sticks to him but my thought process back then was like, man,
he has railed about this wall for so fucking long.
It's like, you know, I went to the rally.
It's what build the wall.
That's the number one chant right behind lock her up.
Now he didn't lock her up.
He better build the wall.
And that's kind of what I was thinking back then.
And I still kind of think like,
I think there was some leaked thing that he said he's like i ran on this motherfucker like you know i this this has got to happen you know even he he he is what i thought he would be
and that is motivated to build that wall it wasn't just one of those things where like well i try
like he's really gonna try and he's gonna pull to try. He's fighting in court to do it.
He's like, oh, maybe they'll let me
break the rules. Oh, they won't? Alright, let's try to break a different
rule. Won't let me break that one? Well, let's keep fighting.
He's really been
wanting that wall. There was a lot of give and take
on this last budget. It's not
even a story. I wish I could pull it up more easily, but it was
in a video I saw, which is hard to search.
But yeah,
there's a list of like six things in
there that are kind of notable and most of them look like democrat wins and then another bullet
list comes off and it's like a wall and i'm like oh snap like shit just happened so i saw something
like probably has to be fact-checked but in the time since the impeachment proceedings started, his approval has gone up net-net.
And approval for it, well, it was a CNN poll.
I jotted it down.
No, a Gallup poll, sorry.
Since October when they started to now, his job approval rating has gone from 39 to 45.
And impeachment support has gone from 52 to 46.
Yeah, I've been following that stuff a lot.
The impeachment support I thought was more level.
So maybe if you combine the polls, it would be.
The support is up, but it's still low.
Like his support, I think that you can't find a president in modern times who's had support as low as him ever.
I wouldn't be surprised.
You can't find a president in modern times who won with the same exit polling that he had.
And that's the Trump effect
People are ashamed to like Donald Trump and they will lie to your face and tell you that they don't his exit polling numbers were
Terrible, that's why everybody that's one of the reasons everybody was fucking popping the champagne in the blue corner because he was exit polling
Oh, it was oh, yeah. Yeah, I vote for for Hillary. Of course. I mean I'm a woman of course
I voted for Hillary think yeah, I vote for Hillary. Of course. I mean, I'm a woman. Of course I vote for Hillary. I think I'm going to vote for that.
Hillary, yeah.
It could be they're lying in the poll.
I found what I was talking about.
Yeah, I think the polls are right.
But the people are lying.
I follow. If you just look at it,
the green line is Donald Trump.
And you can see
him compared against other presidents.
It looks like Clinton
maybe danced with it.
I don't know if he was ever lower, lower.
You can see Obama at his lowest, which is slightly higher.
Jimmy Carter, you know, spent a good amount of time less popular than Trump.
Who is the worst?
Let's see.
Wow, I didn't realize Nixon would be so much more popular than trump
jimmy carter trump is the worst net gerald ford was also poor
but it's hard w is approval rating at the 82 82.7 right before the yeah this is the iraq war i've
talked about this a lot i got my numbers wrong, but that kind of jump was
outrageous to me.
When America goes to war,
God, they love it.
Not anymore. People are tired of that shit.
We get to wheel out the...
Look, they don't like soldiers coming back
with fewer limbs than they left with.
They don't like widows.
If anything, extra limbs.
If they start bombing some shit, we're all on board.
You know we are.
Everybody likes a firework show.
Everybody likes a firework show.
If we find something good that needs a good blowing up,
and they start blowing it up,
and it's on CNN,
and they got those green tracers in the air,
and they're like,
they're shooting conventional bullets
at our stealth aircraft.
Of course, there aren't any people in them.
You know, and you get the american technology
and you get to see some fucking jdams blowing shit up you'll be on board i'm in the middle of
you too right like i understand taylor's point people don't want war any now anymore that's how
i feel too but i'm also open to the idea that kyle's right like we need to test it you know
all we need is like mexico to kill three security guards and then we'll be like we're going in boys you know
our little see them stack up at the border and and start rooting they play like fucking
patriotic songs on every tv channel at the same time america at least they did that they did that
it like they they just blasted the national anthem and shit on everyone's TV into Iraq.
And,
and I'm like,
this is clearly propaganda.
Am I in crazyville?
But there it is.
And,
and you know,
it's a starship troopers.
They can rally the public very effectively.
Now I also feel what Taylor feels like I'm done with war.
We we've been in war nonstop.
Would we achieve anything less over there if we
just took everyone out and put down a few thousand scarecrows dressed as u.s soldiers in high danger
areas rigged with explosives would we lose anything let the air force fly over once a blue
moon and kind of just you know cleanse the palette taylor you have my attention what's the rest of your platform it's uh it's a hundred
percent like what taylor taylor what are you what are you gonna do about the economy i didn't get
up here for that i came here to talk about scarecrows now if you'll wheel out the scarecrow
now we're getting a deal on these from uh from fucking boeing uh 1.3 million a piece
sounds right sounds right we're making up in nine different states and combining them
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pussy boys get some pussy and i'll put it on that tweet woody about your pussy experiences
he'll filter the good ones and report back to me send pics yes send pics even if the girl said no
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She needs to be at least 18 unless
she's in Europe and the rules might be different. I don't know.
She needs to be legal, whatever that is.
The rules are not different here.
Okay. Make her 18 then.
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Yeah.
Sometimes you need legal help.
You don't know who to hire.
Now you do.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
If somebody has wronged you, injured you, you know, you could be out of work.
We've got, you know, our buddy who was in the Hangouts.
He had a very similar situation.
I bet he hired a lawyer to get that little payday that he got.
And I bet he wished he went with Morgan & Morgan if he didn't.
Would have got a lot more money.
Yeah.
These are just things I'm hearing.
These are things I'm hearing.
I know when I get in legal trouble, I go to my good friends Morgan and his brother Morgan.
Very confusing parents.
know when i get in legal trouble i go to my good friends morgan and his his brother morgan very confusing parents i say to him it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact you're twins i can't
get it makes it easier if i had twins i'd give them all the same name never fuck it up george
foreman style yes george george george george georgette and george they're like why did you
give them all the same name? It's the best name.
Which one did you want me to slight?
You know why I did, right?
I thought that was why. What do you know?
It's so they would know who their father was
because he never knew who his was.
Lots of guys named George out there.
You ruined it.
Damn you.
Yeah. I was just Damn you. Yeah.
Only one was a champ.
Yeah, and I admit I didn't think it through.
You know, after the fifth one, I just didn't want to look foolish, so I kept going.
I have CTE.
We named them all George.
It's easy on me.
What's my name again?
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Poor George Vonn.
I think, yeah.
He's kept his wits about him.
I saw him selling those grills
like maybe five years ago
and he seemed all there.
I saw him selling pain meds
like two months ago
and I was ready to buy.
Like he's so effective
in his sales pitch.
His honesty
or what I assume is honesty
was effective on me. And he's like,
this stuff really works. I don't, I'm in a position where I don't just back everything
that comes along. I had to make sure it was good. It's a cream that helps with arthritis and stuff.
And he's like, this is a problem I have. My knuckles, my fingers are, you know, they're
older now and they hurt and I've hit things with them on my whole life. Rough hands.
Um,
I have grandkids,
they hop on Papa's lap.
And if I use a, a,
like a rubber and it smells bad,
they say I smell like a grandpa and the grandkids don't want to be on me.
This stuff solves that problem.
And I'm just like,
damn,
you know,
like I don't even have arthritis.
And I'm like,
it's on Amazon.
You say,
I know some even have arthritis. And I'm like, it's on Amazon, you say.
I know some folks with arthritis.
So he's just, he killed it with the salesmanship.
There's a, I don't, I feel like if I call it sincerity,
I'm suspicious of the sincerity, but it came across as full sincerity and effective on me.
Have you guys bought something special
for your special someone
that you have hidden away?
Is that special someone me?
Because yes.
Yes.
I've been taking care of number one.
I got a brand new monitor.
I'm referring to your wife.
I'm shit for her so far.
She listens to her phone in the shower, like audio books or music or news or something all the time.
So I got her a Bluetooth shower speaker so far, and that's it.
It's a good gift.
Yeah, I think that she'll...
It's a powerful gift.
Yeah, I think that it's something that'll work for her, but it's not like...
You know what she'd really like?
Something shiny and expensive.
A Jeep Grand Cherokee.
Ooh, damn it.
How'd you know what I got my girlfriend?
Where did that come from?
Is there a backstory?
Well, I know she's been wanting a car for a while.
Oh, yeah.
She would...
Yeah.
A woman's place is in the home.
Where's she going?
Nowhere fast. That's the answer to that one. I like she going? Nowhere fast at the end of the day.
I like the idea of Woody being so chauvinist.
He's like, where do you need to go?
The lettuce store?
There's two things holding her back on the car.
There's plenty of soap here.
Get back.
So I got my truck last year,
and the electronics are amazing.
It's one of my favorite things about the car, et cetera.
The 4Runner will catch up in, like, 2021.
Like, it'll have lane assist and adaptive cruise and stuff.
So she wants that.
The other thing is she belongs in a beater.
Like, there are two things.
One, she hits stuff.
And you might think, like, yeah, what are these stories?
They're six years old. Oh, no. No, there's new stories. Like, you know, she hits stuff. And you might think, yeah, what are these stories? They're six years old.
Oh, no.
No, there's new stories.
She hits things.
So do you really want to put her in a new $60,000 car or $70,000?
I don't know.
Do I?
No.
Should you?
Oh, yeah.
The other thing is this.
In the spring, summer, and fall, one of her hobbies is landscaping.
All around the pool in the front of the house driving through the yard so she's consistently bringing home like
big bags of dirt like topsoil and mulch and things like that or even just the plants you know
she puts so many plants in the back of that forerunner that the whole thing is filled and
when you finish it there's all sorts
of little spills you know from the little cheap plastic uh plastic pots that they come in and uh
we i just feel like maybe we keep her old forerunner for that task i don't know maybe
we trade in the tacoma on whatever she gets next.
Like, I haven't thought this through, but it just, like, the way that she uses her car,
bumping into things and carrying dirt.
Do you get her a 2021 4Runner?
Maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah, I feel you.
I wouldn't like that either.
Right?
And even she has a certain comfort, you know, knowing that
it's okay to be in a beater
and have dirt in it and whatever.
You have to turn on your
salesman cap and be like,
Jackie, this is a genuine
1989
Toyota Tacoma.
Custom
bumper, rubber floor mats.
You're going to love it.
This is what Reagan was driven around in
in later years.
Wow.
Anyway,
her truck fits her use case,
but also
it'd be nice to have something new.
We'll see how it plays out.
I don't see myself
getting a surprise 2019 4Rununner for christmas this week yeah i hate those commercials where it's like
an un like an unbelievably happy family not unbelievably in the traditional way like
hyperbolic like literally unbelievably unbelievably happy like they're so excited
laughing and shit and everything and then like the woman will come out wearing a robe and they
have a nice ass house and there's like a lexus with a bow on it it's like this is their deal
mercedes black mercedes out there with a fucking bow on it yeah yeah that's that's like i'm not
playing anyone what if she wanted white what if she wanted a white one yeah god
damn like it's a huge purchase to like not you don't do cars by surprise i don't i feel that's
like buying a house by honey i bought our dream house the fuck do you know what the schools are
like in this district it's called a modular home i almost bought our first house country our first almost bought the first one without her
yeah well so she was in new jersey we had a two month old kid i think or no no she was seven
months pregnant so shopping was difficult and uh i just started without her you know this is what
i'm looking at sending her pictures or whatever and her and her mother both agreed like actually any of these would be
fine like it doesn't matter and she came down and we picked it out together but um yeah that that's
how it was they were just like yeah you know all these seem like nice safe homes and in this area
they're like it was growing so fast there were all these cookie cutter homes we were looking at and
did it really matter which one you picked yeah 95 the same how about you kyle you you got a big gift on the horizon for anyone
any anything big for your mom or dad sister jeremy scott i like to think oh now that you
mentioned jeremy we got we got a whole new set of teeth coming in.
Well, Jeremy, I decided to go in on veneers because I think they'll look great on me.
No, no, no.
You can have my old teeth.
Are you for real, Kyle?
God damn it, Kyle.
If that ain't the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me,
I'd be honored.
I'd be honored.
A bag full of teeth and then some Gorilla Glue.
I'd be honored to have your old teeth
stuck into my rotten gob of a mouth.
I would have liked it if you watched the blood off.
Now, Jeremy, they're your teeth now but traditionally
molars go in the back i like it my way better no he got new teeth though right sad ones he looks
good now right you tell me you got no fucking idea i'm told they don't fit well oh yeah
you may have higher standards for me. I see feet that are imperfect
and always notice like how much of an upgrade they are.
They're dentures that flop around when he speaks.
Like Joe Biden speaks,
like trying to keep it in there.
Like Joe Biden, but not quite as with it.
Joe Biden doesn't have dentures.
That is one fact check.
You will never convince me of that.
Okay, okay.
I'll accept that. You'll never be convinced. Okay, okay. I'll accept that.
But I wonder what's happening.
He's just losing his mind.
Losing his mind?
Is there a tongue control thing?
Sometimes it seems like old people have more saliva than young people.
Like, what is that?
I have a few wubbles of wibble-mulls
that I have a time to come out and talk.
I love wubble.
What is he eating? Wubble of a wibble-mull. Wurb of a wibblemoth. They have a time before I come out and talk. I love Wubblemoth. Wait, what is he eating?
Wubble of Wibblemoth.
Wobbles of Wibblemoth.
Dude, if he handed out
butterscotch candies
at his campaign rallies.
Back in my day,
I would give out
butterscotch candies
to all the kids
in my neighborhood.
It was segregated at the time.
And the black kids
had the shitty candy and they were eating good and plenty's when my leg hair where am i
dude it's if he owned the i was going to mention good and plenty's too that was a reference in my
head like if he just like threw out good and plenty's and those horrible like they look like
they're going to be caramel but then you can't bite them i don't know what they are god yeah those little cubes yeah those little rectangles of of caramel yeah or
there's one that comes in like a yellow and red twisty package i forget anyway if you handed out
old-timey candies and own the old person thing what else do old people do oh that would be so
like he's talking to everyone he should wear a life alert all the time.
And everybody...
It's like, Mr. Biden, you can't press it when you're losing a debate to Trump.
We're not going to come get you.
Oh, dude, if he did that, if he pressed the life alert, like, whenever Trump delivered
his zinger, I don't know.
Could he own it?
It'd be funny.
I don't know if it would work.
No, he wouldn't be able to own it he's not he couldn't
even own that guy who was like you're old yeah i can do more push-ups than you fatty yeah okay
fatty would have president when he called him fat it seemed like he like he thought that was his
name like the tim apple thing like like he referred to him like listen to me fat but see that's a guy who used
to be able to make fun of people who now can't think his way through the sentence we're like
like he could then he come off like a bully like if that's how he acts in public like a
might kind of be a nasty old guy who's losing his mind in private right that that was pretty
nasty the way he went after that he's got to stop hugging young girls from behind i'll put that out
there he's got to stop it's worse from behind. I'll put that out there.
He's got to stop.
It's worse in the front.
Then they got to look at it.
Agree to disagree, boys.
Agree to disagree.
I'm just picturing him up there debating Trump. You ever go to the drugstore to get your Alzheimer's medication and you don't even have good and
plenty.
We're getting more good
and everybody has good and plenty
in the store.
I have had this problem
and there will be good and plenties
in every American's pocket
and they will be free.
They're going to be paid more
by the taxes of the 1%.
And there's a huge crowd of people
and one guy going,
Yay!
All their constituents
are going to forget what
voting day is. They're not going to make it.
Trump is going to win.
Trump is going to win because Elizabeth Warren
is a less likable Hillary
Clinton. I prefer Hillary to Elizabeth.
She's more likable than Hillary.
Nobody's less likable than Hillary. I liked Hillary more.
At least with Hillary Hillary I could tell
she was like yeah I'm lying
is it working?
dude I love that Elizabeth Warren lied about being a Native American
and got a high paying job for it
she made 400 grand a year in Harvard
is that true?
yeah she made 400 grand a year and part of the reason she got hired
is like
I don't know about that
I feel like that might require some fact checking as much as Iabeth warren i feel like that may have been overblown
but she did lie about being a different race than she was like that's the bottom line so
imagine if trump did that i might be like imagine if trump lied i'm actually black
the only thing i maybe this is my bias coming through but i'll put that out there i don't know
that she lied as much as she was wrong.
As much as it was like a family sort of mythos type thing.
Like my mom says that on her side, she's a daughter of the Revolutionary Army.
That's like a thing that she was around when somewhere in her family, someone was here from way back when.
I've always like thought that to be true, although I don't know it to be true.
But you wouldn't put it on a form.
Well, okay okay fair enough but i but i just put it on the same sort of that she's like yeah we always
thought we were native we have these high cheekbones and when she said it i was like yeah
darn straight she does have these like native american looking cheekbones she is so obviously
white my my i i have been told throughout my life that i have a Cherokee lady, great, great, great grandmother,
right?
Everyone says it.
I think if you look back,
it's,
I believe it.
I believe it to be true.
I would never put that on a fucking form.
I'm,
I guarantee I would bet a thousand dollars cash that I am more native
American than Elizabeth Warren,
but I would never put that on a form.
I have a similar thing.
And I agree.
Cause,
uh,
there's a,
a family, like rumor sort of
scandal thing that one of my ancestors is mexican you know right there was a time when that was like
like you know i don't know like whatever like i'm some sort i don't know if i'm about to say
something really racist like i'm part mud blood in some way like. I'm bad. Yep, you did. Okay.
So anyway, but now that's not it.
Anyway, I wouldn't put on a form.
I just think it might be true.
Right?
Anyway, so that's a parallel. I'm ordering the 23andMe right now.
I'm trying to be in like a 16th Native American and you win.
I'm pretty sure.
I'm not sure which one to order.
I'm just going to order the $80 one.
It was this.
Wait, that's a home paternity test.
I don't need that.
They're usually, if it's a tiny, tiny, tiny amount of blood, usually the span of it is so little.
She was between 160.
The absolute most it determined she could be was 164th.
That's the part.
And the least it determined was one,
1024.
And so somewhere in the middle there,
like one 500th or whatever.
Yeah.
Everyone.
All right.
The order's place.
It'll be here in two days.
I'll turn it around right away and we'll find out.
Cause I,
I truly believe that I am one,
one 64th native American or something like that.
Dude, if I took one of those tests and I find out that I'm like 1% Jewish, I am taking that free vacation to Israel.
Absolutely.
Did you know that?
The right of return?
You get a free vacation to Israel if you're Jewish.
And I would, even if you're 1%, couldn't I still go?
I don't know, man.
They wanted Harley.
How much was it, Kyle?
$80. I can link you to the exact one I got.
It was Ancestry and Traits or something like that.
Did you get the $70 off?
No.
Did you get the $70 off?
It cost $80, so that would have been a real coup.
It says up to $70 off.
I got that one.
This is $79.
Oh, you got it on Amazon.
I'm an Amazon kind of guy.
23andMe Ancestry plus traits, which is interesting to me. 1,500 geographic regions, I, I, I'm an Amazon kind of guy at 23 and me ancestry plus traits,
um,
which is interesting to me at 1500 geographic regions,
your family tree,
DNA,
relative finder and trait reports.
Um,
so I think it's going to tell me all sorts of things.
Right.
I'm doing,
I just,
interesting.
Apparently you need to take a couple of those because sometimes like those
little percentages you'll get will change depending on the test.
Like people have like,
well,
I'm not ordering more than one.
Yeah.
$80.
What if you get $70 off?
$9 a pop.
He'll do too.
Um,
yeah,
I did.
I,
it 23 and me is one of those things where they're like always running super
sales and stuff.
And it's almost like steam where they you know you'd think
that 60 off would be a bad business decision but it turns into a good one so i'm gonna hunt around
for coupons and that's how titan fitness is the email you every other day like get in here boys
it's going fast like well i gotta check out what it oh it's that's how I do my STD test as well
like just a kit shows up
you pee in a little thing you prick your finger
and touch it onto this cardboard or it's a
piece of paper with circles drawn on it give him like
five drops of blood
send it away
yeah it comes with one of those
diabetes lancets that just goes
click doesn't hurt a bit
I
it hurts a bit
kyle you're the guy i that's why i'm not saying anything i saw you with people
i'm like tough guy woody thinks land sets hurt you know what i'm not processing this i'm um
the truth is i always go i'm not i'm
like a sissy about needles and then after the fact it's never a big deal i realized i blew it up in
my head that's that's typically how it goes except the prp injection in my elbow i talk about how
much that hurt jesus no so what they do is they take blood they put it in the centrifuge and then
they put back the platelet rich plasma okay and then that's the healing stuff and it's right where it needs to be and it's supposed to
be better unbeknownst to me they also like fuck up the tendon with the needle they're like yeah
like they're like yeah the the procedure's meant to like make it swollen and irritated and kick
off the healing process i didn't know any of that part. That part was all news to me.
So I'm like, I'm having a doctor.
I really like this guy.
And it sounds like I'm gay.
Anyway, I'm telling him, he's like,
I showed him a paramotor video.
And in the top right,
there's like the next recommended one.
And it's a paramotor video I did
that said like from suicide to multimillionaire
on the thumbnail.
And he's like, is that you you and he wants to hear the story I couldn't tell it during this procedure I was just like mouth closed pain hoping the future would come faster like to a point when
this was over and he just has a needle and he's jamming it in this inflamed tendon or ligament. I don't know the difference.
And injecting this stuff like repeatedly.
I don't know.
I wasn't watching.
He must have.
He's injecting you like a fucking turkey.
Yeah.
Sounds awful.
It's just, oh, it was bad.
Describe the needle.
You know, it was probably, it looked like an IV needle.
Like it was long and strong. That's a big boy. Yeah. And he just did looked like an IV needle. Okay. It was long and strong.
That's a big boy.
Yeah.
And he just did it like, you know, it wasn't like he just poked it and injected it.
It was like here and then a centimeter from there and a half centimeter from there.
And he just went all over into it. Maybe he was just really bad at it.
No, I just keep missing.
Well, if I don't let the snake bite you we won't know if the
anti-venom works yeah no i i don't think that i think he was there he uses an ultrasound so
that he can see what's going on behind the skin and put it exactly where he means to
and uh i didn't know that like like it hurt more after the procedure for the next week
than it did beforehand like i didn't i didn't know that that was part of the deal. But we'll see.
Hope it gets better.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to getting my DNA results back.
I ordered it once before, and then I just didn't do it.
It just sat in a drawer forever.
Does it expire?
I don't think it does.
Does it get lost?
Did you move?
It gets kind of lost.
It's in there, honestly, right now, I think, but since it's an old kit, they've probably
changed their stuff.
I don't know if the whole kit's in there
and if the return shipping is still
applicable.
It's just easier to get this.
Plus this has, I think the one
I got may have been AncestryDNA.com
or something like that
and this is 23andMe, which
it has some more features it's not
just going to tell me where i come from it's it's got the traits and uh the uh the family tree i
prefer the version i put in my head which is like yeah you know it's 80 bucks but it's like
downstairs so i ordered a new one and they'll put it right on my door where i like it
yeah there's a it's only four seconds long,
but there's a Biden clip from this debate.
Please link it.
See what he comes up with.
I'm at zero.
I'm adjusting the volume.
Are his teeth going to rattle?
I can't imagine what happens in four seconds.
Right?
He's going to struggle to get his words out. It's a teeth thing. a rattle i can't imagine what happens in four seconds right uh he's gonna he's gonna do him
he's gonna struggle to get his teeth thing wow they need to turn the lights down on this guy
yeah he's looking too shiny that's coming from the king of shit lighting
i can't i can't talk
so for anyone listening oh i've been playing it repeatedly sorry um
i feel like this is real
it is watch the scrolling shit behind him that's what i'm doing i'm watching his body i'm watching
the scrolling stuff like i'm looking no no it sounds because he's saying i can't talk it almost sounds like he's mocking
someone like the fact that he's trying he's stuttering while saying i can't talk is odd to
me i need to see why would he text yeah i need i don't know the context i just saw biden just broke
on live tv and that he was stuttering and that made me laugh. So, let's see if there's a better one.
Well, the same guy just
right before that, he tweeted,
what the fuck just happened to Biden?
Well, fair point.
Someone replied to this, Max Headroom
hasn't aged well.
Maybe you're not
old enough for that reference, but
he did that.
He looked just like... what now i'm seeing
a tweet joe biden did not just mock a stutter holy shit did he let me see oh so he did i told you he
was mocking oh wait here you go he's mocking a guy with a speech impediment on the dim debate
first of all here here's the the longer one i'm seeing a double standard here
because trump could do worse and you wouldn't be so shocked it's all about it's funny is that
the level that we're is that what we're aiming for these hey donald trump did it
all right i've got the volume on full are you guys ready yeah ready set play touches me a little kid who says i i i i i i i i i i i
can't i can't talk what do i do touches me a little kid who said uh he's definitely
shouldn't be doing that see it's not he i don't believe for a second that he's actually mocking
the kid it's just he's tone deaf into how this is going to be perceived like it that's what it is that's what it is regardless it's funny yeah if he said
little kid with the struggle uh a stutter that you know causes him to struggle in ways that
other kids don't this is a retard different yeah but instead he did that and it's just tone deaf.
Yeah.
Man, come on. Oh yeah, I'm seeing it on my other
discords right now. Yeah, yeah, Mitty just tweeted.
Did you see it from Mitty? No, I saw it.
I just typed in Biden on trending, hoping
there'd be a funny clip. And I was right.
He doesn't disappoint. He does not.
What the fuck?
God, I hope he gets the nomination.
Please.
Give us Biden.
Because it's going to be...
Those would be debates actually worth watching.
Like, if it's him versus Warren, I don't really care.
I'm reading that Buttigieg is having a real rough time tonight.
Really?
I'm reading that, obviously.
That shit, Klobuchar is still in this hat?
What?
Right?
She's behind Kamala.
They said everybody's dogpiling on him and he looks very flustered and he looks um and they said the the moderator
is very weak and they're not controlling though that's interesting because my impression of him
is he's very good at not getting flustered so i'd like to see it um and then uh the dog
piling thing i expected because because Kamala had her bump
they dogpiled on her and she fell
right down
Warden had a bump
they dogpiled
on her, mostly how she's going to afford
that Cadillac Health thing
they tried to dogpile on the Trump
and it was like he was wearing
you ever see that bear suit from the
1800s that's a steel scoop
with porcupine spikes.
Something about Trump,
if you zing him, it doesn't count.
Or if you catch him in a lie, it doesn't count.
Their zings aren't good.
He's way better at zing.
Because these guys haven't been in
entertainment. He has
been in positions where it's like,
you're going to zing me, I'm going to zing you.
He does have funny timing on shit and it's just like he it's the same way with like sports like i'll
use that comparison like if the bruins would have forced the blues to play their style the bruins
would have won the stanley cup but the blues forced the bruins to play their style and if
trump can drag them into the entertainment off the cuff drop those pre-written notes and having
a conversation with me that kind of goes places where you're not going to be ready he'll win like he's he's good at
getting people off their game i at least he showed that in the republic just doesn't work on me like
i guess i'm not his target audience right because i hear him and i'm you know he's like i call this
guy little marco and i call him lion ted cruz and i call her crooked hillary and then he reuses him
you know there's a couple of sleepies there's a couple of liars and um and I'm like well that one's a repeat and they're all third
grade and like I'm just that's the point like that and this isn't like saying he's brilliant
or anything but it's like he's he's putting out basically many little memes and ads that people
pick up on quick it's intentionally short words like it's not something big convoluted that people pick up on quick. It's intentionally short words. It's not something big, convoluted that people are going to forget.
And he hammers it multiple times
to the point that when you hear
Marco Rubio on those debate floors,
people are subconsciously
injecting little Marco in there.
He is kind of little, isn't he?
Yeah, he is kind of little.
Oh man, Ted Cruz does...
He could be the Zodiac Killer, whatever the fuck it is.
You know, but not saying it's like a brilliant strategy, but it does, he could be the Zodiac Killer, whatever the fuck it is. But not saying it's like a brilliant strategy,
but it does well in this arena.
If you're up against a bunch of stand-up comedians,
he would get slaughtered
because they're better at that than he is.
But these guys are not used to going off script,
and it shows when he's up there.
We'll see.
I mean, clearly it's working for him.
He's President of the United States. Come on, Biden, be dumb again. we'll see i i mean clearly it's working for him he's president united states so come on
biden be dumb again be dumb again biden come on come on dude just give me 10 minutes i'll be dumb
they only give me so much air time taylor i would love to go up and like just
they should you know what they should do for every presidential debate like this
is they should let one random raffled citizen also participate that would add a lot of entertainment
value and uh larry from des moines what do you what do you think about all this now once again
the number of problems that could be solved using nothing but scarecrows
put a put a bunch of ice of scarecrows on the border.
Cheaper than a wall.
Spooky to someone trying to sneak over.
Boom.
Just save you a trillion.
Pull everybody out of the Middle East.
What's the answer for that?
Scarecrow.
And the scarecrow guy is taking the nation by storm.
What are you going to do about healthcare?
Frankly, I don't care.
Taylor, you don't understand.
I have to work two jobs.
Well, do I have an idea for you?
Well, I'm creating
a lot of jobs stuffing scarecrows.
And what are your jobs? Don't go.
Work with me here. Put a scarecrow
in your office chair.
Yes.
Now, they're not going to notice for the first few weeks and then you can sue for discrimination because just like corporations scarecrows will also be people and that's what i'm running on
dude so when i worked at cisco there was one guy in particular who didn't work much at all
and uh he worked remotely all the time and to the point where he moved to like
argentina or something like that and uh when i was leaving and doing youtube full-time i'm like i
wonder how little work like i bet i could drag this out for years for an unearned paycheck like
i bet i could have got a good 18, 24 more months out of pay.
You should have done it, man.
Make them fire you.
Just make them fire you.
Yeah.
You just sit there at your desk.
Hey, what's up?
This is Woody's Gamertag, and I'm coming at you with a commentary.
People are like, can you just do your job?
Well, I'm sorry.
I got 600 questions about masturbating,
and I'm going to answer them loud enough for Sanjay to hear.
I would work from home.
I would just work from home four days
a week and I swear
it would take a long time to get fired,
I think.
You should have done that.
I wish I had.
At the time, you were thinking like,
I'd like to be able to ease back
into Cisco if this thing
doesn't work. I'm not burning bridges here. Now that you say it, that's all were thinking like i'd like to be able to ease back into cisco if this is something don't i'm
not burning bridges here that is what now that you say it that's all true yeah but that's not as
funny not at all no no it should have been a running theme like just do it like office space
just just go full don't give a fuck gutting trout on your tps man i would have loved to have made
videos like dude i haven't done shit for 13 months now let's
take a poll on when you think i get fired like i'm supposed to be coding this new thing i actually
wrote a program that writes letters asking me for more time on my current project i'm literally
doing nothing you know they're paying me 150 grand a year so i figured to keep
it going i i hired this guy on fiverr let's see i'll turn that in and it'll be what it'll be
well we got your project first of all it was signed by assange and all it does is spit out
requests to show bo's and Vagine.
But anyway, hopefully lots of funny clips come out of these debates once it gets kind of narrowed down a bit.
Usually do.
It's going to be an interesting couple years.
Politics is interesting when Trump's in the game.
I never found it very interesting before him, honestly.
It was of interest.
It was important.
But now it can be funny and ridiculous.
And that's probably not a good thing for the country.
But it's a lot of fun to watch.
Even as a guy who's not Team Trump, can't disagree, Kyle.
You know, like I follow the news a lot more now than I did before.
And I think there will be ratings impact when Trump's not president anymore,
whether that be five or one year from now.
Yeah, all of these newscasters who are just pretending like they hate him so so much
deep down they're like
I mean got a summer house now
I bought Becky the
car she wanted
Trump's good for business
yeah yeah he is
and it's just as much
him being ridiculous it's funny
and seeing like
establishment Washington people who
have been there doing the same shit saying the same mealy mouth nonsense for like 40 years
having some like you know wrench thrown into the cogs of that machine it's fun watching that
so i like it yeah yeah that that's i feel like that's a big part of trump's base like they're
not really they're not stuck not not talking about taylor here but like they're
not married to any particular principle right oh i want small government and i hated it when
obama backs solera right but you love it when trump backs cole let's not pretend there's a
principle my primary thing is her emails classified information is you know he needs to be treated
better but you don't mind trump's phone what you really like is taking a molotov cocktail
throwing it at the white house and seeing what happens that's that's what you like most about
this some people not taylor and uh i definitely see that yeah there are a lot of people who are
just like there's a lot of anger at washington where they feel like these people don't represent
us whatsoever and so even like it's almost like what is that german like schadenfreude or
something where it's like they're they're enjoying watching the mayhem of it, of someone who is not pre-stamped, approved, running in there and causing a ruckus.
I've never felt like Washington did anything for me.
Somehow I'm just okay with them taking.
I paid my taxes, and I know there's a military out there keeping me safe and
there's a lot of local government things that happen these roads exist and there's a police
force i've never been robbed i assume that's because people know police exists never been
invaded here in north carolina i assume that's the air force right you know like there are things
happening that i'm not like that i benefit from like you know indirectly and as a whole. But in terms of government actually doing something for just me,
I never even expected that.
We should.
We're paying for it.
We should expect more.
You're right, but I don't.
But I'm just like, yeah, but that's not a real thing.
A real thing is...
Governments doing something helpful
no no like and it's like i like like the military when they're like as if china's over there like
oh no did you hear that trump approved more plane in california cancel the invasion cancel it it's
like no that's not happening like what are what are we really protecting ourselves from and the america has its tentacles around you know nearly every country on the planet right
where you're giving a maid doing this or whatever and the things that we get in return are these
real soft like you know well south korea looks at us more favorably i'm like huh
is that worth the five billion i don't give't give a fuck what South Korea thinks about us.
I'm with you mostly, just a little softer.
Like, I need to be convinced why I should give a fuck.
Nope, no nuance.
Black and white, black and white.
Yeah, I just don't understand why it's important that we're friends with lithuania or
whatever any of these guys who put into action that capitalism toilet off off not if trump got
behind that which he wouldn't because he's too fat he'd slide right off like yeah yeah we saw the stuttering child but um yeah um yeah so there's a new xbox
yeah it looks like the weakest pc ever built is that right what is it or is that what i'm saying
is it looks just like a tower and it's probably there's no way it's as powerful as taylor's pc you're probably right it doesn't
historically that bad no he said the opposite yeah um historically the consoles if they're weaker
can historically consoles can punch above their weight because you know the operating system's a
little lighter and you can really maximize what it does because you know exactly what it is whereas anyway what was it you're excited to say there's an xbox game that's got
me fired up and i'm it better come to pc i don't know what the fuck it's about i don't care it's
it's a it's like a hellblade 2 asura's revenge or something like that i'm hoping for sure you
saw it in an ad on pornhub did you see the trailer for this fucking game no it's got music i guess we almost can't
yeah almost for sure but say the name again uh it's hellblade 2 asura's revenge i think let me
let me double be sure it's not senua's saga that could be it i'm watching that yeah it's it's uh
yeah are you watching it let me watch it with you.
Is it the one that's two minutes and seven seconds?
Did you say the name again?
If you search Hellblade 2, you'll get it.
It's a two minute
and seven second video. If you're at home
and you'd like to watch a really cool
fucking video game trailer that
you're going to be like, what the fuck am I watching?
What is this? Then queue up with us.
I'm ready.
It's going to be something I can't play the audio on, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So we'll just have to watch it silently and react.
Oh, but you guys can play audio.
Yes, of course we can.
Yes.
Ready, set, play.
This is one of their launch titles
I believe for the Xbox.
I think Microsoft bought Ninja Theory
a few years ago.
The water looks good.
The water looks great.
Birds look real.
Alright. The dirt looks like... At first I thought, is this a Lord of the Rings game? birds look real alright
the dirt looks like
at first I thought is this a Lord of the Rings game
I'm so down
trick is
denarius I guess
no fire impact
is she singing along
I don't have audio tell me she's singing yeah song
i wish i had audio it's so important
it's just like chanting. What the fuck is this?
This is like that detective HBO thing.
Is she live action?
Or is she rendered?
This looks tight maybe like halo they'll put it on pc in 2030
or 10 15 years later i will red dead you know it took about a year with uh with gta 5 i think
it took about a year i mentioned halo because it was a launch title exclusive, like a reason to buy
a console.
I don't know what that's about
at all, but I like that
Mountain Man. That was cool.
I like that crazy
headbanging Celtic fucking
prayer that she was rocking out there.
Like, rah, rah, hoobadoo, hoobadoo.
Yeah, somebody translated it
in the comments, I think, of one of the videos I was reading.
Come and follow me, my friends, my friends.
Something like that.
Yeah, she's saying, come guest here for this invocation.
I, the Rune Master, servant of Odin, call upon the one of the sun to aid our army.
Yeah.
So she's calling down some Viking god help to help her in some sort of battle.
That really hooked me.
I really want to see.
I want to play that shit.
I said see because it looks like a movie.
It looks like a movie.
I showed it to my dad.
My dad's like, that's not a real woman?
That's what I thought.
We're watching it on my television in the living room,
and I'm like, yeah, this is what games look like now.
He's like, wait, wait.
This is a game?
There's not a real woman there?
I'm like, no, that's not a real woman.
That.
That woman right there.
That's not a real woman?
I know the Rockman's not real.
That's not a real. Rockman? That's not a real one? Like, I know the Rockman's not real. That's not a real... Rockman?
That's not a real Celtic Rockman.
Well, I'm buggered.
Celtic, yeah.
Celtic, Celtic?
The Celtics play basketball, but the Celtics...
Ah, they summon Rockman from the sea.
They summon Rockman.
I'm reading this.
Oh, and The Forest 2 had a trailer that came out now
the forest was that game that i got super into and you would like it a lot taylor basically you're
all plane wrecked on this island your son gets kidnapped and so you have to survive and it's
very and you have to like go down into these caves and like look for clues as to where your son might
be and the whole time you're like getting better and better weapons and don't
Think that we're starting with a bow and arrow and ending up at a machine gun. We start with a little hatchet and
We end up with a bow like like like like endgame weapons are like spears and bows and there are
Monsters like in the descent like like cave folk. We're all like they look like Smeagol
They like fucking go folk we're all like they look like smiegel they look fucking gone fucking
creeping around and like like down in the caves that you have to fight and there's these like
mutated monsters down there we had some of the coolest like moments of gaming playing that game
it's very frightening like like the atmosphere is terrifying because you hear the water dripping in
the caves light is an incredibly
rare resource like you'll have a you have a lighter sometimes and he'll keep it lit for 10
seconds and they'll go ow ow my thumb it burns or he'll have if he has a flashlight the battery
lasts for like 20 continuous seconds so you're always flicking it on then off on then off and
the forest was great well they're coming up with a new forest game.
And I mean,
we can watch the trailer for that if you want.
I played some of the forest.
Yeah.
I didn't play that long of it because I kept getting murked by those
fucking goblin people.
Yeah.
They just never stopped chasing you.
So they just never stopped.
I've been reading about Hellblade 2 since the trailer ended and they
seem they just say it'll come to the pc in the future so cool your red that's good enough for
me redemption estimate is working for me yeah this trailer is music on it too so you know we
will just skip over it but i'm just saying um that trailer very freaky very very freaky trailer um
i'm definitely gonna play some of that game it's um
we're talking about how great it looked and how amazing it is i i wasn't what i was looking for
but i read that it's like kind of a cinematic like it's an in-engine thing but it's not what
the game will look like it's probably better yeah i figured as much yeah yeah but it looked really good and then the song
hooked me honestly like i i thought that that i know you couldn't hear it but like it's it's
it's like it's it's like real like punchy and like growly and intense and there's like drums
in the background and it's it's I don't know, it's very,
it has an effect on me.
I've listened to it probably four or five times since I saw it.
What's released in Halo now?
Like three came out, right?
No.
On PC?
Well, three will be the last one to come out.
They'll come out in order.
Okay.
So one's out?
No.
Something's popular on Twitch yeah probably reach oh did something come out before reach i'm not sure but i doubt it
i think reach was probably the first game uh in the timeline there was that one like rts halo
that came out right well we're
talking about the they're re-releasing all the halo games uh on pc remastered and so they're
releasing them sort of like stutter stepped in the order of their timeline you know not necessarily
in the order that uh they were released to the public because you know halo 1 halo ce or whatever
combat evolved was the first game to ever
be released but it's not first in the timeline so they're going through the timeline
yeah so i'll i'll get on board with that whenever uh the halo 1 comes out and i'll play
halo 1 2 and 3 because those are the great that's probably the greatest gaming trilogy ever
i mean i like gears but they keep making them, so it doesn't count.
Oh, they keep making Halo games.
But Halo 1, 2, and 3 are a continuous story.
So I think it beats the Gears 1, 2, and 3 continuous story.
I guess I'll go at it that way.
And it may be the best storyline in all of gaming.
It's so inspirational.
It's so fucking cool.
The music's great.
The character's cool as shit.
I really hope they make a movie about Halo someday so i i found it you were right it's
reach that came out and it was december 3rd i don't know where i got something else next out
is halo combat evolved anniversary excellent that's it that's halo 1 okay then halo 2 anniversary
halo 3 and this is interesting to me because it says
Halo 4 sometime
in 2020, which implies
that those release dates are more condensed
than I feared.
Right? If they're putting out
five in two years,
then I'm not waiting a year for each one.
Like I thought.
That make sense? Oh, yeah, definitely
so. Yeah, I didn't expect to wait a year for each
one i figured maybe a month and a half two months between each one something like that because it
really fucking suck if they're cliffhangers every game ends with a cliffhanger it's like like you
know where you go what are you doing master chief i'm finishing the fight sir it's like all right
well i'm ready to finish the fight right fucking now where can i get this video game oh it's not out yet a year shit but so i'm hoping that they're yeah you know i just
that's great yeah it's it's much more rapid fire than i expected it to be so yeah keep the people
hooked resell your same content all over again i'm down i uh yeah i and all of those are um multiplayer campaigns right yeah
i feel like i should play with colin and maybe some stream guys like it in borderlands it was
really cool i had some good players mostly dab who like carried me through borderlands
and uh it's nice because i can just
watch the chat a little more and interact with people and i don't have to do it all myself
maybe we do that in halo me colin one or two more play stream it sounds like fun yeah um i love halo
i'm definitely going to be playing through all those uh they have what i would assume are varying levels of co-op
um in them like like some of them are probably two player co-op and some of them are probably
four player co-op um the way i remember it halo 3 had four player co-op but halo 2 may have just
been two player and i don't even remember if halo 1 had co-op so i think it will have varying levels
of co-op reach was four that one That one I actually played before, I think.
And ODST, some of those.
You could get four guys going.
I might be confusing those two in my head.
I'm not sure.
ODST, you weren't Spartans.
You were just like the shock troop guys
who just had light armor.
I think I might be thinking of Reach then
because that one was the one I played.
I played with Princess Murder, me, and two other streamers.
I forget.
It might have been Mr. I Try Hard.
But I remember Princess Murder.
I'll never forget.
The moaning.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Moaning?
I don't know this.
She did a weird thing. And I don don't mean to she was pretending like she
was masturbating to woody's voice yeah uh while they were all playing the game or while they were
all streaming that sort of thing and woody was very uncomfortable as a married man as as you
might be like like like like how does he explain like so jackie i'm playing with this 19 year old
girl listen to her moan while she listens to me it's inappropriate
and it's not your fault
yeah yeah you're right kyle describes it perfectly that's exactly what happened
i think i had a video like go public or something during the stream and she like
pretended to masturbate to it and that And that's a new one for me.
I'm sure she was pretending.
My voice is not that hot.
No masturbation to my voice.
Except Taylor.
Yeah, nobody probably.
Female educators.
Yeah, we're plagued by bad news,
school shootings, war, ped pedophiles all these things
there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's that lots of kids lots of little boys are
getting their dick wet at a young age with cute teachers and i think that's something we can all
hang our hat on right right i i, it's hard to tell for sure,
but I view this woman in the thumbnail of the video as hot enough.
Certainly.
I mean, do you remember your 14-year-old standards?
Pretty low.
Pretty much.
I was going to say she just had to be warm and wet, but.
A microwaved cantaloupe with a hole in it was enough.
Too long!
Nope, nope. Deal with the pain.
This is probably what real pussy feels like.
You better not be in the fruit drawer again!
Don't think you can be full.
Let him go, honey. At least he's not
taking the cucumbers.
I think tomatoes are a vegetable.
He's taking the cucumbers.
I think they're not.
Oh, look at these I think tomatoes are a vegetable. I think they're not. But yeah, anyway.
Yeah.
Oh, look at these pictures of all the different women that fuck children.
Like, I will not have written on the chalkboard.
This is a fantastic little video.
I don't know, picture.
I love it.
See, like.
You can buy this photo.
See, like, this is a pretty uplifting story.
The 17-year-old was suiting up for track practice in February 2018
when his gym teacher at Canton McKinley High School
reached out to him on Snapchat.
Tiffany Eichler asked the boy to come to her nearby office.
When he got there, Eichler locked the door,
flipped off the lights, and began pulling down his pants.
The boy later told police.
The boy didn't try to stop Eichler,
a 36-year-old married mother of four
who taught the boy swim class the previous semester.
But as the two fell to the floor
and started having sex,
the teen was troubled.
This feels so good.
I'm so happy, said the teen.
I love this.
I would never press charges.
Police disagreed.
They've decided that's all made up.
I'm looking for it in here.
I don't see any of this.
The whole entire time.
Wait a goddamn minute. Do I't see any of this. The whole entire time. I'm like, wait a goddamn minute.
Do I need to actually open this article?
Because I'm...
It's unbelievable, yeah.
The whole entire time, I knew it was wrong,
so I had to stop, the boy later told police.
Eichler also had sex with two other teenage boys,
during the winter months of 2018,
before she got caught.
She is one of at least five female teachers
counselors or school administrators in the greater akron schools city suburban and rural to face
charges of having sex or sexual contact with students during the past two years so i think
we can all agree that this woman has bad judgment she needs to start fucking kids that aren't
snitches yeah yeah pick fuck the cool kids right she fucked three kids one snitched that's not a
good enough success rate yeah it's pretty bad yeah i don't understand these dudes who are
ratting out fucking hot teachers that it's not ratting out it's bragging to their friends just
as often i would guess well he said fucking mouth i knew it was wrong the entire time so i had to stop i mean i'm not cutting the kind of slack you are a loser berating this kid who got molested what a fucking loser
i'm either the last pussy you're gonna get for the in this decade or the next
loser's only part of the problem he's also a cock blocker there
are two other kids that were getting fucked on the regular who now their slot is in jail
yeah piece of shit his entire as like they're doing the sentencing his whole class all the
boys are there in the the courtroom just I like to imagine they're all
dressed for a funeral like in black
and solemn.
Can you suck my dick
before they take you away?
I won't press charges.
That'd be funny.
Well, not for that kid apparently.
You gotta feel
it's just totally different what happens to a
girl like it's everybody agrees that's terrible but just like the south park where it's like
nice nice call them legacy them yep yeah i just i it depends on the age Nice. Call him Legacy-um. Yep.
I just... I...
It depends on the age. How old was he?
Nine.
Oh, shit!
That's too young. I think he's too young.
He was not nine.
I gotta reopen the tab.
17 years old.
You see my point here?
Now I... Yeah, that was on the first line
and I didn't internalize that.
Yeah, 17, come on, bitch.
Yeah, I was going to say.
Enjoy that.
Because if you're like 13 or 14,
that kid's too young, right?
Like some 14-year-olds might just celebrate
for the rest of their lives
how they got their teacher at that age.
But I can imagine a world
where there are 14-year-olds who are like,
I didn't know what I was doing. That's not some i wish i could undo it right 17 you know exactly what you're doing yeah my man come on if anything you're getting your
dick wet with that teacher and then you're gonna just stroll into the class or into school the
next day birds are chirping the sun's a shining and suddenly you can
walk up to the cutest girl in your class and just be fucking confident about it you didn't have you
didn't have your mojo before but now you found your mojo and so you go up and like now you're
gonna be getting laid from all sorts of girls it's a it's this snowball effect and you really
put the kibosh on there was one guy in my high school i don't want to like give too many specifics specifics but he was like
just more adult than all the other boys and uh he worked as a bartender which in new jersey you can
do at 18 so even though he couldn't drink he could work as a bartender and we had this super hot
substitute teacher came in and all the boys were just you know fawning over her hitting on her etc my man apparently fucked her already
and uh i i don't know i'll just always be impressed by that and he was 18 so like it wasn't the same
scenario we're talking about but god that guy had it going on All the other guys are just thirsty. And he's like, yeah, I already did it.
And she's got a nice snatch.
I was blowing her out, though.
Before my bartending job at 18.
That was weird.
I don't know.
And he was making a lot of money.
Because bartenders make adult money.
But he's 18.
And he's in my chemistry class or something.
It's outrageous.
I hate this child.
The one in the article?
The one that ratted out that lady.
He needs an...
I hope they beat the shit out of him.
I hope the other boys
that just really...
A little bit of street justice
A little street justice
Yeah
That's what
That's what he needs
I'm looking at
I can't
I just can't imagine it
So she texted him
And it doesn't say what the text says
He just says
I found it weird
Like she found me on Facebook Messenger
and just text me when she could have told me in class.
What did she tell him?
This article sucks.
Oh, she got 30 days in jail.
She told the boy that she wanted to be his valentine
and he could have whatever he wants.
The boy was stunned.
Did we read this?
Well, I was... And like, that's when I took a step back could have whatever he wants the boy was stunned did we read this while i was
and like that's when i took a step back and i was like whoa what he did fuck her though
i don't know this guy yeah see she got 30 days in jail and 30 days in like half jail which is
like daytime detention so it could be worse i wonder if she has the whole like
notify your neighbor thing i wouldn't like that nobody likes that
is taylor's camera working yeah sorry i was oh it's not looking for oh it's not am i gone uh
you're You're looking
probably at a computer monitor, but it looks like
off into the distance and rotating
your head.
On my screen, I've got this crazy digital
interference at the top.
At the top, but it's gone now.
The subtle head thing was the funniest part.
A little bit of chicken mix.
I had another thing open.
Like the computer in a video game
where you just yeah but more subtle but yeah yeah yeah i'm trying to find another article or two
that i had pulled up it's linked i got so many tabs open oh i got a school resource officer in
north carolina throws boy to the ground twice did Did we watch that? No, we didn't.
We didn't watch it.
I heard about it.
Yeah.
I think he's in trouble.
It was rough to watch.
Look at this.
Bam.
Old.reddit.com.
Taylor knows what he's doing.
All right.
I am ready.
I don't think there's any sound on this.
I'm ready, too.
I can already see.
3, 2, 1, play.
Bam!
He goes double, right?
There's no resistance
after the first one.
Gravity can barely resist this man's power.
Look at how he grabs him by the belt
afterwards and brings him in
like luggage.
Yeah, that guy
should be in jail.
Am I the only one here
who thinks it matters what the kid did?
No.
Good, I'm glad we agree.
As you know well,
Taylor.
No, I mean like,
even worse than
the pick him up and drop him is he did like a WWE style pick him up
then place the other hand on top to push down harder than gravity would have pulled.
Clearly this guy is in the wrong.
That's the kind of beating that's reserved for a mother and a child.
Yeah.
Did you spill milk in the cafeteria?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
You can't have strangers deliver beatings that
moms should be dishing out it's very true he didn't even use his shoe fucker's got no tools
at all yeah i'm wearing flats someone just have to pile drive you into the ground where
maybe i've got something in the car to hit him with yeah there's nothing a kid can do like how
old was that kid?
He was skinny.
What can a nine-year-old possibly do that you have to body slam him
not once but twice?
You'd be surprised.
I mean, unless he has a gun or a knife.
Or unless he's being rude.
There you go.
Or spills something.
Or gets a bad grade.
Or is ugly.
What if he was mocking Tolkien?
Then he should have
killed him.
There you go.
There's always
a reason for these things.
I think the child was
asking for it.
Look what he's wearing.
I remember it was North Carolina.
You guys still keeping folks out of bathrooms up there?
No, I don't think so.
I don't hear about that much.
I think we got a new governor and that didn't get through or something.
I don't hear about any of that anymore.
I don't know.
I want the NBA All-Star game.
That's what I want.
We lost that because of that.
I'm looking so the officer got fired but i want to hear that the officer's been charged with something assault do you see that is that
i read that um yesterday yeah that he's been charged with assault this uh the article i'm
on it keeps moving motherfucker i hate the internet in 2019 like yeah you know do you want to whitelist our
website no do you want to whitelist would you like to receive breaking news alerts and oh here's a
video or an ad that loaded a minute ago and now your text shifts and like i can't see what's
happening it sucks it's the internet in that way has gotten worse over the last four years you know
copa stuff like like this child privacy
whatever, and it's like, my
God, every page is loaded with
crap. Yeah.
I'm still looking.
Pretty much crap. I'm just going to go
with what Kyle said then, that he's got
charged with assault.
Oh, hello there.
Been sleeping. I'm here. You mean I'm hearing or how? You're hurting uh oh lordy getting sleepy
I'm hearing
I'm hearing her how you're hurting me
stop pulling my hair
what
oh
oh
on Monday another parent said
her child was injured by the same
officer on the same
day she was on the phone with her daughter.
There's no video of this one.
And she heard her screaming and hollering,
you're hurting me.
Stop pulling my hair.
Did this guy just beat the shit out of all the children at the school?
And I would have got away with it too.
All right.
Let's watch what Trump said.
He's talking about John McCain here. here john mccain oh well this
will be classy that jerk i like presidents that haven't been i'm a zero ready set play she calls
me up it's the nicest thing that's ever happened thank you so much john would be so thrilled he's
looking down he'd be so he's always so breathy when he does girls i said
that's okay don't worry about it maybe he's looking up i don't know
now they talk about this phony impeachment and she's out there well we have to look
seriously at our president because he may have violated the constitution of the united states
she calls me up oh they cut the clip going too long.
So she implied that John McCain is in hell looking up at us now.
Dude, if hell exists, that dude's there.
Yeah.
He did try to keep MMA in the dark ages.
You know, he wouldn't let it come out of the States.
So burn, burn for all I care.
Even worse than lying us into the wars.
MMA.
Yeah. That's a great little line though.
Maybe he's looking up, I'm not sure.
You guys eat up everything he says.
I don't know.
It's hilarious.
It's not.
If he says something, it's not funny to imply that John McCain is looking up from hell.
It's only funny because he's president.
I swear if your co-worker made that same joke...
A comedy writer would be proud to put that in an episode.
That would fit right into an episode of South Park or something like that.
That's a professional grade comedy.
A million times, right?
I'm on Woody Craft in that environment where I'm like, I have the mic, my name is bold and everything.
My jokes are funnier.
I'm delivering four out of tens and I'm slaying.
I feel like that's what Trump is doing right now.
Comics bomb all the time.
And they have the mic and the audience and the spotlight on them.
This is gold.
Now, it's ruthless.
It's too far.
Even some of the people in the crowd are like, ooh, shit.
No, it's funny.
But it's fucking quick and funny.
And, I mean, it's not like he thought of it on the spot.
Like, he thought about that last week.
He's like, yeah, looking up.
He's looking up at me right now.
I wouldn't put it past him to just be riffing on shit.
I found that to be very funny.
Let us know in the comments.
Did you think that that was a witty remark
by President Trump or
just lowbrow humor that anyone
would make with a microphone in their hands?
Yeah, I'm interested in where people, maybe I'm biased, right?
That could be, I'm certainly biased.
He says dumb shit that ain't funny, but this was not one of those moments.
This was really funny.
For sure.
When you're up there on the podium and you're laying out four to tens, people will love it.
Because you have that natural advantage.
I mean, look at the, play it again and watch the crowd.
Okay.
Some people loved it.
But some did not.
Maybe he's looking up. I don't know.
The crowd behind him loved it.
Looking up. I don't know.
Now they talk about this phony impeachment.
Yeah.
Almost everyone...
I've watched it two or three times.
But most of them were like, oh.
I should have shown it to everybody.
That's not like Locker Up.
That's like, ah, but he's dead.
Mr. President, he's literally dead.
I tell you, if he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him.
I sent a few Secret Service guys over last week.
They dug him up,ed him into a puppet
They got him dancing for me in the White House
We got a special guest for you tonight
Dead John McCain
I had a frozen kryptonite
Brought out here
Carbonite
Carbonite whatever
I don't know my stories
Carbonite, kryptonite, whatever
But yeah I think that's funny But I also am I don't know my stories. Carbonite, kryptonite, whatever.
But yeah, I think that's funny.
But I also am not a fan at all of McCain,
and I wasn't a fan of him.
And so seeing him get a little dig, I like that.
Well.
And I like those compilations of what's his big-titted daughter's name?
Meghan.
Meghan McCain.
My father. It's just like compilations my father well
my dad my father my father my father my father my dad it will my dad like it's just that over
and over and over and it's like shut the fuck up nobody cares what are you on the view who's
watching that bunch of cackling hens who really who's watching the View? I mean, I... You go.
I don't know if I've ever seen The View. Like, I know I've
seen highlights of it every so often.
It's newsworthy. I saw YouTube clips.
And after that, I'm like,
has it ever been on in a doctor's
waiting room?
Yes.
I misunderstood.
Like, where might I have seen it
I was at the probation office a couple weeks ago
Waiting to piss
And I think Donald Trump Jr.
Was on the View
One of those View type shows
Maybe his wife
And they were really giving it to him
And the lady behind the counter was like
I don't know why he went on there
They treat him like shit
Clearly she's on board.
Everybody thinks that Trump is just white men.
It's just not.
When he talks about the forgotten Americans,
what he means is people who are too ashamed to say they like me.
That's what he means.
To me, it's anyone who's not thriving right now.
That's the forgotten Americans.
It's more than that.
This lady's, you know, plenty of people who are doing just fine, like what he represents.
And it's not just, I agree with you about the throwing a fucking, you know, shit pie at the White House and at the establishment.
People like that.
They respond to that.
But there's a lot of people who are like, well, the economy's doing great.
He's pulling people out of these wars.
And he is.
You know, he's building the wall. And I wanted it. He was, and then that got reversed,
and that didn't get the coverage. It's continuing right now. It's still going. He's trying to get all the
troops, pulling people out of Afghanistan. I know. He's withdrawing
them every day. There are some things that he said he's going to do
that he's just undeniably doing, and the people who voted
for him like that. We're trying. Even if he's just undeniably doing and the people who voted for him like that we're trying like even
if he's not successfully pulling out of syria which i think it might be accurate um i know
that he'd like to and the only reason he's not doing it is because it's hard or like moneyed
interests yeah or there are some generals who are like sir the planet's gonna melt if you do it
please god i'm gonna have to go on news planet's gonna melt if you do it please god
i'm gonna have to go on news week and tell them if you do it please don't make me do that i mean
his number his donor sheldon addison is like hyper pro-war in the middle but i was more with kyle on
that like like when he tried to pull out of syria and then all of a sudden like isis goes free and
we're bombing our own bases and this and that it's like oh fuck like i thought it was as simple as rip the band-aid off
sooner or later but yeah maybe it maybe it's not as simple as i thought um who knows what happens
in afghanistan right do they straight up like partner with russia and become their port or i
don't know i'm making shit up but um yeah maybe there's reasons we're there that aren't clear to me. I wish they were. I wish they'd partner with anybody
who's not us at this point, probably.
Probably a little...
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I don't know.
We're 18 years into this.
I'm sure if we go 19, they'll be our friends.
Yeah, we're just trying to...
Be my friend!
I already did this to your son and daughter!
Be my friend! Or your dad and daughter. Be my friend.
Or your dad, probably.
Your dad aged out of face punching,
so now you're here. Yeah.
But yeah,
I like that Trump isn't pro-war.
That's true.
He's nationalist.
The nationalist is a loaded word but you know he
he's doesn't have to be pretty much america first that's literally his own country first that's
what it should be yeah maybe america first isolationist maybe is the term i wanted to use
uh but isolationist isn't a negative thing in my head like what just someone explain to me why it's
a good idea to spread our resources so wide i don't i'm not
seeing the upside oh don't you understand that austria likes us slightly more now yeah wait why
is that worth it well because they paid billions of dollars to halliburton for us to make weapons
for them and then we sold it yeah like silly silly nonsense but yeah anyway politics silly silliness we'll get into this in a year
or so
no less in a year we'll have
we'll know the next president
whether it's the same one or the next one but we'll know
it's sooner than it seems
and our predictions for today my prediction is
Donald Trump 2020
I say he defeats
a embattled team up of Elizabeth Warren
and Joe Biden. Yeah, I really don't.
I've said it a hundred times. I take Trump unless he's against Bernie. If he's
against Bernie, Bernie's going to win.
It's so easy to choose Trump.
Let's say Trump has a 45 chance of winning and then
the democrats all collectively have the other 55 the smart bets trump right like if you i think
that a democrat will win but i'm not positive but that's what i think yeah i bet trump against
the field ah yeah see i'll take the field over trump but we'll see we'll see yeah i don't think anyone
can defeat trump um i think that you get a lot of advantages as the incumbent and i think that he's
a good politician when it comes to running and politics for whatever reason it it worked and i
think it'll work again and i think the democrats are all weak uh weak. Bernie is the strongest of them, but he doesn't have the support because of some of his more fringe ideals and ideas.
But Biden is losing his mind.
Warren seems to me like a less likable Hillary, frankly.
And the rest of those guys are just second tier.
Well, there you have it. Expert political analysis
from the PKA
crew.
Well, political analysis anyway.
Yeah.
There's three and a half,
two and a half minutes left in the show. I have a dumb thing.
Let's count down.
150, 149,
148,
147
I'm on the NNA subreddit
and they said that
this fighter, they were talking about steroids and stuff
this fighter has a birthmark
that is associated
with high testosterone
and I was like what?
it exists?
I have that too, a 10 inch birthmark on my penis
it's called Becker's nevis
it doesn't sound very high t it is a lot of times it pops up when uh like the kid enters puberty and
stuff but um i have it i swear to god i have the high testosterone mark. No, there aren't any photos, but...
Bam.
It's hard to see, especially with the shadows.
This thing on my arm...
Fuck, the lighting makes it invisible.
And hair grows from it.
And it's gross, and I've always hated it.
And you can't see the hair because I shave it.
I have the Becker's Nevis high testosterone mark.
Damn. Some of these
are gross. Yeah, me too.
You've got it, don't you, Taylor?
It's my entire back.
It shows on there.
I can...
If you Google it and look at images, some of these people
have it on their entire
upper body or their entire arm.
Some of these are really dark and fucking ugly.
It's pretty ugly like um this one here no yours looks fine mine's yeah if i didn't shave
it it would be uglier still um i have like a smaller version of what this guy has but i was
like oh my god i have the mark of the high t this is bb so uh there is. That's my last topic.
Nice.
I'm happy for you.
Dude, I'm like...
Please clap.
Please clap.
Someone pointed it to me when I was on the beach as a teenager
and they're like, that's gross.
And that's when I started shaving.
So I never really liked it until yesterday.
Fuck that person.
I hated it when kids would do that to me on the beach, but they were pointing at my face.
What is all this?
It's just me.
It's a beard.
I know I'm 11, but someday you'll understand.
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consider masturbate to our voices shout out to you princess come tribute me
shout out to you princess come tribute me
i can't wait for the screenshot this but i'm on the subreddit i very much look forward to it pka 470 taylor come on
come on okay