Painkiller Already - PKA 506 Filthy Robot - Kyle Spills the Tea, David Blaine Ice Pick, FPS Russia 40mm Machine Gun
Episode Date: September 1, 2020...
Transcript
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pka 506 we're not 100 sure filthy knows he's supposed to be here we're not sure we're not
sure we don't know we've been surprised for all of us i went to his stream and i um i like
resubscribed like 15 months in a row and i was just like what a good friend see you soon and
he just goes hey and i was like i don't think he knows what i'm talking about i'm serious about that
i mean i'm at real soon like 12 minutes from now i can't help but notice you're not subbed
to my incredible fall guys content for 15 months i was and i unsubscribed before that you were doing
i actually had to yeah yeah so anyway before we get into anything else, this episode of PKA is brought to you by the national highway traffic
safety administration,
express VPN,
and blue chew.
We'll learn all more,
all about those later,
but I guess it's just us boys tonight.
Unless filthy decides to grace us with a,
you really filled that to the brim.
Is that coffee?
It's a little cold,
sweet tea.
And I just made sure it wasn't quite so far to the brim all down my...
Kyle has a bit of a drinking problem.
Dude, I'm sure if there's more tea in the kitchen, you can always get more.
That did not go well.
We'll see if Filthy comes and joins us.
What's new with you gentlemen since we spoke on Tuesday?
We were just talking about The Last Dance with Jordan
and that Woody has
I watched it the other day
but god damn it. I just I mean I spoke
a lot of TM.
So on PKN
Kyle was saying he watched The Last Dance
and he really enjoyed it and I was I had
only read some of the people's
responses. Pippen in particular
felt disrespected and i
don't know basically a strong dislike of jordan because of how he's portrayed now i'm watching it
and pippin doesn't come off so bad maybe a little soft but i don't think they painted him like a bad
guy no i think i think i think what we're seeing is that pippen was soft and is soft he's
a little sensitive he's still a bitch today like like charles barkley i i can't think i don't know
who he was making fun of the other day because i don't follow basketball but i guess somebody had
given them paul george paul george what what was paul george calling himself playoff p playoff p
he's like you can't call yourself Playoff P.
You don't go to playoffs.
You don't see me calling myself champion if you're losing in the playoffs.
You don't see me calling myself Championship Charles.
Yo, what's up, CC?
Nah, nobody say that. I didn't win no championship.
Charles Barkley is the best basketball announcer on air, according to me, by far.
I like him a lot.
He's my favorite.
Yes.
He's clearly one of the guys who has so much money
that he's just like, I'm just here for the lols.
This is good shit.
I wonder why he does it.
Does he want more money?
Does he need more money?
I think he likes being plugged into it,
the thing he's always loved the most.
That's possible.
Right?
He probably likes it more
than doing nothing and it's not an all-year job i don't think you know no of course especially
not these days i saw the uh he's in the documentary um because jordan i'm gonna get some details wrong
but jordan played charles's team in uh in the playoffs of course jordan won and um and and
charles barkley's like oh that was the first time in my life that I realized I was not the greatest basketball player in the world that that man over there was.
And I don't even feel bad, honestly.
You know, it's a gunslinger contest.
He's faster.
He's always going to be faster.
I feel like if they let him just keep going, he'd be like he probably whooped my ass today
in anything
he's just better
in anything
I'm about halfway through so that must be the second half
but I did see that as a highlight
it's pretty good
The Last Dance it's on Netflix now if you guys
want to watch it and I'm having a good time
it's not sponsored if you're curious
careful Kyle
I'm enjoying it it's fun to see time. It's not sponsored if you're curious. Careful, Kyle. I'm enjoying it.
It's fun to see it.
And it's not as – so when I read about it,
I guess Jordan was kind of behind the making of this,
and it's a bit of a Jordan Puff piece on how wonderful he is all the time.
And I don't think there's very much negative about him that I've seen at all.
Six episodes in and there's hardly a flaw.
It's always like the second he took the court
he was the best player i ever saw doesn't matter whether it was college or into the pros he outed
jordan's like i decided that what i had to do i didn't have a voice i didn't have a voice so i
didn't assume leadership by talking i just went now played the best player on the team and it's
like really before the season even started maybe maybe it but it's a little suspicious my one of my one of the coolest things about him is that um that i've noticed in the
documentary is whenever he had to go into a playoff or championship situation he needed to
self-motivate somehow and so he would find little things like little slights from a player on the
other team and he would make it the biggest thing. And it would just,
he would get into his own head.
And there was one,
there was one game where like first game of the playoffs,
this guy did really well.
And Jordan didn't do very well.
And the guy pats Jordan on the back.
It's his nice game,
Jordan.
And,
and,
and so that became a new story.
Jordan had told everybody,
he said,
yeah,
he patted me on the back.
It's a nice game.
We'll see about that. So game two, Jordan had told everybody, yeah, he patted me on the back. It's a nice game.
We'll see about that.
So game two, Jordan goes and just blows this guy out,
holds him to like four points for the game.
Jordan gets like 50 or something ridiculous.
And then they asked him in the interview, he's like, did he really say that?
Jordan goes, no, no, he didn't say that.
I just said he did.
I needed to see the headlines to get myself mad enough to do well.
There was one.
He was playing golf before the playoffs, if I recall, with the Boston Celtics.
And Danny Ainge is like, I left with a good amount of Jordan's money.
That was probably a mistake.
Jordan's like, tell DJ I got something for him tomorrow.
DJ was their best defender on the on the celtics and uh jordan just whooped up on that guy so hard that like they had to get he's
in foul trouble now like he quickly got four fouls so they put another guy on and they put another
guy on him i think bill walton was the big white guy and uh he can be seen cursing out dj because
now he has to defend Jordan.
And he fouls out.
No one can defend Jordan without fouling the guy.
Have you gotten to the part where they're talking about the Olympics?
I can't remember what country from fucking Europe that dude was from.
There was this guy named Kovac or something.
But he was from Yugoslavia.
Tony Kukoc or something like that. Tony Kukoc.
Yeah, something like that.
or something, but he was from Yugoslavia.
Tony Kukoc or something like that? Tony Kukoc, yeah, something like that.
And he's in the modern day Tony is in this documentary explaining what had went down.
Well, I guess the general manager for the Bulls is wanting to rebuild soon.
And all he's talking about is how good this Tony Kukoc guy is from Europe,
just singing his praises.
Meanwhile, you've got poor Pippen over there on his $300
a week contract.
You got Michael Jordan
and what they really needed to do at that point
because I think this is Olympics time is pick up
Dennis Rodman because I don't think they had him yet.
In any case, Jordan
and Pippen do not like how much the GM
is talking about how good this white boy
is from Europe. When they play
Croatia in the fucking Olympics,
they just shit on him.
They just shit all over him.
They hold him to like four or five points for the game,
and they're just like, they're picking on him.
That's very difficult,
because who else is he going to pass to in Croatia?
Exactly.
He's the best player in Europe,
and they just shit all over him,
and they're laughing about it
and then they go to modern day Tony and he's just like
I don't understand
why they're so mad
they do not
like me
it's his only game why you have to be mad
it was really like that
he was just like
I try my best every day you know for life and they come and
they don't like me it's like that was the flyers goalie that got bullied brisgalov where like
he got so disheartened being a flyers goalie because it's the hardest position in the nhl
probably being a goalie for the flyers you can have the best night of your life and the next
night give up one five hole and they they'll be like, trade him!
Trade him! And then they'll go through five
goalies in a year and be like, why is it not panning
out?
People got one bad game. But there was
one time where Brizgalov let in like nine goals
and all the Philly media was coming in.
He's like, I write headline for you
Brizgalov suck!
He's bad at hockey. I'm having bad
time. I'll be honest with you.
I'm having bad time here.
I'm not having fun to play.
It's like, what do you think is fun, Ilya?
I watch video on internet
about space.
I have bad hockey game. It make me feel
good to see how big the space is.
It's like this game, it don't matter.
That's great.
Oh, I like him even more now now i don't even know him i watch
video about space being so frank and honest about that he's literally telling you what he does
i go home and watch it literally you just look up humongous big on there and you'll find him going
universe is so like humongous big like no one threw battery on pluto
there are no puck on jupiter that's where i want to live it's rough as a goal see most players like
in hockey if they just hustle enough philly will love you love you hustle bleed every now and then
and philly fans will love you you don't even have to be great. You just have to try super hard.
You have to have a big fuel tank.
As a goalie, though, that's not really an option.
You just get shit on.
You guys have a good one now.
Carter Hart's great.
As I think about it, though, Snow and Hextall were loved in Philly.
You know how they did it?
Fighting.
They're the only goalies who always tried to fight people.
Hextall so like got suspended
from a lot of games because you're technically not allowed to just skate at the other goalie and
beat them up right like there were a lot of times where like there's a big line brawl this is like
the 70s and so you could do whatever you wanted and the text on this end you're trying to come on
come on the other goal is like no no. I don't want to.
And then he just books it and skates the entire length of the edge
and tackles the other goalie standing still in his net.
It's like you need to.
And then now he's the general manager for a team, isn't he?
He's great.
He's wonderful.
And Snow used to fight people too.
He was the goalie that replaced Hextall for people watching.
Yeah, Garth Snow.
And, yeah, I don't know.
Good times.
I liked it when Philly was tough.
I liked it when win or lose.
In the 70s, clearly, but even the 80s and the 90s,
they had some of the toughest guys in hockey.
Even if they lost the game, no one wanted to play them.
And then that changed.
And now they're just normal normal that's how every sport
is right when you go back to like the two or three generations ago like everybody was just
tough as nails and scary as fuck there's an snl sketch about like um the early days of football
and it's got steve martin in it and it begins like this black and white footage and bill haters doing
his like old-timey espn voice he's, it was the dawning age of the NFL.
And no player was more feared than Billy,
the gun Van Gogh,
his quarterback.
And they go to,
they go to like all these players,
like ask them,
you know,
who did you fear the most?
Oh,
no question.
The gun,
the gun.
Everybody says that.
And then, and then they show like, Billy the Gun Van Gogh playing.
And it's Steve Martin out there in that old-timey meat leather helmet.
And he's got a gun.
He literally has a – he's got the football in one hand and a revolver in the other.
And anybody that comes near him, he's waving it at them like, back, back.
And anybody that comes near him, he's waving it at him like back, back.
Thompson makes it around the line and the gun wins again.
Oh, I was watching.
You know, I'm going to take him down before they get that gun out of his hands.
You got to imagine when are the other players going to bring their own guns? I can't find his name quick enough, but there was the Pittsburgh Steelers had a defensive line.
They called the steel curtain.
They were very good.
They were tough.
One guy would fucking wrap his arm up with tape to be like a Popeye super arm.
And he used it as a club and just bapped people as part of his move.
You know, he put other stuff in there, too.
Probably.
Probably glass.
No, just like maybe metal, maybe some lead.
I just let me like a cast or something, a bunch of paper mache.
I don't know.
Just make it big and heavy,
and he would just clobber people in the head with it.
It was – I saw that.
Fighters have done that.
Fighters have done that where they where they
do the load i think they call them loaded wraps where uh they've got they instead of using like
that ace bandage type shit to wrap their hands they're they're using like paper moucher or
whatever in plaster and it makes them like hard as fuck and there's that one i don't want to say
it's not allowed it's very much not allowed.
This is striking me as cheating.
There's this one guy who's talking about it,
and you notice midway through him explaining that his opponent had loaded wraps,
that he's got a dent in his forehead big enough to put a golf ball in.
So he hit me in the head here and crushed my skull.
He's got a hole in his head.
How do you expect not to get caught with that kind of cheating though?
They've got to take your gloves off and unwrap your hands to catch that.
Oh, I was imagining that it was the whole thing.
You're just walking around with big clubs on your hands.
They're much better at it now.
What happens now is the hands get wrapped under,
like while an official watches them get wrapped,
and then the official signs it.
And it's across all these layers of tape and stuff.
You really can't fuck with it after he does that.
And then after they take the gloves off,
they watch the wraps get unwrapped, you know, just so that no one could have fucked with it in the middle
you should have been doing that from the beginning that feels like well there's slow learners but
yeah then again there are especially with brain injuries yeah i mean i heard today i'm not going
to get into a whole mma thing but just sort of an announcement uh so on the card that has khabib versus gaethje they're looking to also have tony ferguson versus poirier i love it for so many
reasons right so uh ferguson versus khabib is a fight everyone has always wanted forever like we
wanted five times it's been canceled maybe and um when ferguson lost his last fight it was like
we're never gonna get it well one he's one
fight away if he beats poirier he can get khabib so that could actually happen two uh if a fighter
gets injured like if poirier drops i could see them sticking ferguson in there um a lot of times
they'll do that they'll have a championship fight and then it's fighting the same weight class
where it's like two top contenders yeah i can fill in if things go wrong so good very excited i agree with 100 had the
same thought process uh i really hope that happens um i i you know i hate khabib so so
fucking much i just want he is a good man i can still lives with his dad. Well, not anymore. Touche.
I don't know why I went to that.
Your dad's dead.
His father died. I was a terrorist anyway.
It's okay.
I mean, according to Conor McGregor.
What more do you need?
Touche again.
I get most of my life advice from Conor McGregor.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah.
But yeah, I don't want to dive too deep in the UFC talk,
but that is super exciting.
Do you know the date roughly on October?
October 31st.
Oh, right, right.
Saturday, Halloween.
When does Israel fight?
Adesanya.
Fox Costa in like a week or two.
Yeah, I know it's soon.
Well, anyway, I'm looking forward to that.
I wonder how the rest of the card is.
I hope it's good.
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
I'm super excited.
Super excited.
Good cards.
It's been a good year for the UFC.
Hope John Jones does something before the end of the year, too.
That'd be cool.
I would like that.
And heavyweight, right?
And heavyweight.
Yeah.
There's only one light heavyweight fight I want to see which is the dominic reyes
and uh but there's a couple heavyweight fights i'd like to see so i'm fine with it for sure
for sure and gano against anything or anyone if they want to let him fight a person especially
jones or stipe yeah i i want to see more of that you know like every now and then um somebody will
tease this sort of man versus animal bout.
They just did it.
They just did it with Mike Tyson.
Did you catch this?
No.
No.
For Shark Week, they had the coolest promotion ever with Mike Tyson, where I kept seeing it on cable.
It's like, this week, the greatest heavyweight of all time takes on nature's greatest predator.
And it's Mike Tyson getting geared up on the beach to go fight a shark,
but Mike Tyson can't fucking swim.
So he's putting on floaties and like flippers and he's doing that flipper
waddle out into the fucking like surf to go fight a shark.
Now in reality,
of course they don't have Mike Tyson fight a shark.
That's how all of those shows go.
It's an hour-long
program 45 minutes of which are talking about like how fast sharks are and what their bite
pressure is and then mike tyson hits one of those machines that makes numbers pop up that we have
no way to of relating to oh he hit a 1037 god damn oh i i love those stats and then you're like
that's a high number it's like let's see where the shark clocks in.
That's a lot of kilograms.
Over a million bite units.
And it's like, wow, bite units?
Fuck, I didn't know.
And some interns at Discovery Channel are like, fuck it, dude, whatever.
I want to go get drunk.
I'm going to make this stupid infographic.
And at the end, of course, Mike Tyson does that move that you may have seen divers do
where they flip a nurse shark
on its back and rub its belly
and that hypnotizes them, essentially.
They just kind of lay there with their bellies up.
Does he give it one after it's asleep?
What if they've done that?
What if they're like, all right, Mike, now just flip it on its back
and it's going to lay there hypnotizing. I got you where I want you now.
And he just starts beating
the shit out of him.
I brought knees.
He's got brass knuckles.
Just literally beat.
Where the fuck's the shark kidney?
The water fills with blood.
I'd have been more down for that.
I remember when I was a kid,
they had a whole show on Fox
that was like human versus animal Olympics.
Like, I want to say one of the competitions.
God, I hope I'm right about this.
Even if I'm not, it's funnier my way.
One of the competitions was
100 midgets
versus one elephant in a tug
of war.
And the elephant dominates.
He dominates.
Why didn't they pick 100 normal sized
people? That would have been more interesting.
I don't know.
I wouldn't have known who to pick.
100.
How much does a dwarf weigh?
Fucking 60, 70 pounds.
I feel like it's often traction based.
I feel like how much I can pull
isn't based on how strong I am.
It's based on how slippery my feet are.
And how much you weigh.
And the opponent is an elephant. He's based on how slippery my feet are. Yeah, what kind of shoes are the dwarves? And the opponent is an
elephant, so...
He's not going to play fair.
He's not going to play fair.
He has a misunderstanding of the rules.
Everyone knows elephants cheat.
They can't remember
the rules. It's all a lie.
All the dwarves know they get to go back to their jobs at Disneyland
afterward, but the elephant thinks that if he
loses the competition, it might be the end for him.
So the elephant's got incentive.
I want to say they had like an ostrich versus a black runner.
And they're both literally running on like an Olympic track.
And it'll superimpose it.
And at no point ever is it like, oh, the humans got a good chance at this one.
There was never a twist of fate where
it's like and the human edge no humans get blown the it could it should be called we're the worst
animals because we're great at long distance running but i don't want to watch long distance
running i don't want to watch some kenyan chase down a gazelle for hours at a time i would i'd
rather see one guy be stronger than a chimp It's not going to happen We are literally the greatest long distance runners
On the planet of all the animal kingdom
When you say we
I'm not in that group
Neither am I
None of us are
But our ancestors
Maybe not our ancestors
I've never had a problem with stealing valor and neither has tracy at starbucks
good good she doesn't mind that discounted macchiato oh yeah now i follow i'm more of
an auto zone stolen valor but you do you i salute with the wrong hand just to be safe double up
just safe double up you know you got for a second
I thought you didn't know how to salute
but one of those is right
you just come in you just go
I will have
all right do you mind if I do
really out of breath burpees in the middle
of your store
while you get my tea ready
just three burpees in the middle of your store while you get my tea ready.
Three burpees and just I saw I needed my mask off for this.
Oh man.
That'd just be an annoying piece of shit.
Stealing valor. Those are the worst people.
Them and child molesters.
Yeah, some of this is hitting close
to home. I'll let you decide.
Really?
At the very end?
At the very end of it?
Yeah, Jim, out.
What scenario is it okay to steal Valor?
If it's, like, really fun.
Okay.
Okay.
If the discount's more than 10% or you really want a window seat.
Or a good story.
See, I would never steal Valor for a discount.
But if it's for like
a better seat oh geez man i would definitely i would fake an injury for that like like i feel
i feel like that's that's the way to really steal valor like don't say that you served in the armed
forces that's not even necessary you just need well i can say cancer and not lie and that won't be any fun i need a wheelchair
or something or like like some that maybe that's a new product maybe if you had like
huh like some like some uh what do you call those fucking things you use when you can't walk
the tooth crutches. Kyle had been there.
I hear you.
Yeah, we got four hours.
I'm good at code names.
Oh, rocking sticks.
Armpit levers. If you had some of those, you could extend out.
I was more thinking like it's six flags.
If I wanted to get to the front of that line.
more thinking like it's six flags if i if i want to like get to the front of that line or i would want to be able to get a ride on that nice little golf cart they have at the airport
that's sick i've had a ride have you guys ever taken those yeah no never gotten the chance i did
it was uh i had a broken leg and there was a stop so the in reno i walked on the crutches and by the way my leg was like freshly broken it
operated the literally the day before and uh it was killing me my hands were hurting they were red
i was i i must have went a mile and a half in that airport and then i had to stop over somewhere and
i took the golf cart and it was glorious i loved it but in terms of getting like uh preferential
treatment i feel like we need to play this game on veteran mode, right?
Claim that you're pregnant and dare the patriarchy to call you on it.
Oh.
See, I don't think there's anything wrong with parking an expected mother.
I do.
I wonder if your opinion will change after you have kids.
I mean, it is shitty to do.
You shouldn't do it.
But also, it's like, come on now.
We need this spot.
We need this spot.
That and that many crippled spots.
I know that it's a veteran spot.
I know that it's like a voluntary disability, right?
So it's not the same thing.
But they're literally disabled people.
The third trimester anyway.
If they pop out and skip to the store because they just found out they're pregnant, that is a different thing.
But I spent the trimester tying Jackie's shoes for her and picking up anything that was on the floor.
And everything was a struggle.
And her back hurt or something.
She's all off center.
I don't know.
I was always complaining.
It is a while.
You just zone it out after a while. it's your bunch of woe is me nonsense
uh and uh uh anyway so yeah i just it sort of opened my eyes like this is brutal and even the
um the new mother thing like god everything's so much harder when you have a kid in tow and then
it's not just the kid all the luggage that goes with them like if you take your kid outside and you don't have like a change of clothes a couple
diapers wipes and i don't know what else some toys and some other bullshit food a whip um leash
there's just a lot of shit that they're hauling for these young kids and look you can have the
good spot i'll walk we're talking you're talking about like the expectant mother's thing in the
handicap parking i told them the show a long time ago but i remember
i was taking a shit in a public bathroom and i was in the handicapped stall and i was really
and i was i was like maybe a third of the way through my poop and then i see a wheelchair
come up to the outside and i'm sitting in there and like,
I start to get like almost cold sweats of panic where I'm like,
this shit,
this isn't supposed to happen.
This isn't supposed to happen.
And then he's waiting there and like,
I'm,
you know,
the urge to poop is over.
Now I need to get out of this situation and I'm sitting there and I don't
know what to do.
And he's just waiting there with his wheels.
And then he starts to and aim towards the regular stall.
And as he's slipping in there, I see there's enough space for me to open it up and then slither out.
And that's what I did.
He didn't get a look at my face.
I just opened it up.
I saw the back.
So he couldn't give a proper description.
So he couldn't give a proper description.
I was embarrassed.
And so because at the end of the day i know i'm
not supposed to be in that one but i did because i wanted to be in that one it's more spacious
and i get out i like see the back of his head and i just boogie i didn't wash my hands just
straight out of there i have a friend that told this story before like two and a half years ago
i have an in real life friend who legitimately holds it against you. And every time your name
comes up, he makes a reference to the fact
that you use the handicap. Wow.
Yeah. Well, are you so perfect?
He has a disability,
but not one that would require the
use of the handicap stall that I know of.
Now, I bet I could take him.
Well, he's got like a
disguise. His heart 40% works so i think
no that's understandable that's that's understandable but i mean i've said way
more reprehensible things than that and that's the thing that he's latching on to
indeed i think that's the thing that hits closest to home you know he's literally handicapped
and you were in a handicapped stall taking your
luxurious shit there was no malice in my heart there was malice in your ass though because that
was that was not a that was a that was a handicapped bath stall you can't i was so
nervous in prison about using the handicapped shower i was like can i so i was like yeah
those shower nozzles are dope.
But we do have like a couple of guys in here in wheelchairs.
He's like, fuck them.
What are they going to do?
I'm just like, you know, that's a good point.
They don't really have a posse or anything, I guess.
It's true.
They're not.
They're the bikers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I thought I was on the bottom of the totem pole.
But yeah, there is the old 67 year old black man in the wheelchair.
I guess he is technically below me.
Okay, I'll just use it.
You start walking up to that guy like,
fuck you, dude, thumping him in the forehead, getting tough.
Periatric crippled man, the poor guy.
So we got Filthy.
Filthy, can you hear us?
Yeah, I can hear you.
Can you hear me?
Yes.
Awesome.
Fantastic.
We're rolling.
Yeah, it looks like I'm an hour late, it out i thought i was right on time no yeah i popped in your stream and i was like see you soon and you
were just like hey and i was like but i don't i don't think he knew i meant 12 minutes soon
i thought it was an hour and 12 minutes so i just finished my dinner like called my wife said like
hey i'm gonna be busy on pka all night tonight like talk with i'm staying with my in-laws talk with them
for a few minutes and showed up thought i was in plenty of time sorry maybe it was a time zone
thing yeah no yeah it feels bad man you're you're all i haven't been on here before
i've been uh you know i follow you on twitch and you've you've had some real
banger real big streams recently what is that game you're playing like i'll pop out brothers is it are you actually having fun with it you
must be playing 11 hours a day game's fucking great uh well all right do we do i i don't want
to interrupt topics and you guys want a little update oh yeah yeah so i moved to cedar rapids
this year for my wife's job that's uh cedar rapids iowa from from oshkosh i'm just torn the city glorious yeah mostly
i'm worried it's a little too urban you know there's a lot of stuff going on
dude that cedar rapids traffic oh don't get me started well i was there there for a month
didn't get internet pretty much for that month fighting to death with that one of these deals
where i get you can't i can't stream because the connection is not consistent enough for that
and one of these deals with the isp just refuses to believe it like you know sends out technicians
nothing comes up oh it must be on your end kind of deal i'm dealing with this for a month to the
point where i can't even stream some of these days right and then i get it going for two days don't
know what changed don't know if they did on their end or not and then what is it the directo is that
how i say that the land hurricane shit comes through this was almost this was two weeks ago now the land levels cedar rapid
oh i heard about this there was high winds yeah it was 100 100 plus mile per hour winds is your
mic too far away filthy sound like that sound quiet it'd be bad normally we'd sound test all
this shit i can i can do this for now okay might also be a filter somewhere but let me know if this is still a problem we'll work with them but anyways so
100 plus mile per hour winds uh levels to basically the whole town knocks me offline this was let's
see it was the 11th 10th the 10th um i don't get power back for eight days and i still don't have
internet there that sucks so so so i'm with my
in-laws i'm there in the chicagoland area we came out here a couple days after that and i've been
here two weeks streaming from here totally perfect no isps is whatsoever you know kind of deal but uh
been from here so yes battle brothers release has been incredible lots of lots of viewers coming
back for that's a game my channel is known for anyways it's it's an indie game and it looks
it looks it does not a pretty game but it's a really really fun i caught that right it's a good one for
streaming yeah yeah they didn't have the money for the legs of the character so it's just heads
so don't ask you you get so in depth with those games it almost it almost makes me feel stressed
like the prospect of me playing it where you'll like be playing and you'll be like
hmm was i going to research bronze chalices
or the iron spigot and then you'll open up like a full spreadsheet and scroll like a hundred lines
down and i'm like are we gonna do math i don't want to got a channel command now where people
a couple people redeem channel points for spreadsheet time because it's like we really
need to solve this problem in this game with some spreadsheet
time but I don't necessarily want to take the time
on channel right now unless a lot of people want it and
three people redeem like 15,000
Microsoft Excel stream
there is a promise Taylor
Merck on Twitch I will never show you Microsoft
Excel ever
we're using what is it Google
Docs not Google Docs what's the spreadsheet
called yeah I just showed different types of spreadsheets.
Yeah, I tuned in
and I saw that game you were playing
and I couldn't make heads or tails
of it. I came in
here and I was like, yeah, Filthy's streaming.
I'm sure he'll be here momentarily.
But I can't
understand the game he's playing.
Look at it and what he's like.
Let me get my glasses. I don't understand the game he's playing. Look at it and what he's like. Let me get my glasses.
I don't know.
The fuck?
Nope.
Nope.
It helps.
It helps.
For a second, I thought it was just a bunch of little characters
blocked together, and it is.
It is.
I don't know what he's doing.
It was like Civ, where every hex was occupied.
I'm like, what is is this i don't know
yeah and you were talking about getting away from orcs with smoke bombs and i'm just like
when does that happen yeah it's uh what do they call it with um it's high fantasy and low fantasy
so it's a low fantasy world so there's like a little bit of magic but it's like very rare kind
of stuff and then it's just medieval warfare kind of deal so it's a bunch of brothers and
with great axes fighting orcs it's amazing super fun that's cool okay yeah okay have you ever played
total war warhammer any of those any of those rtss i love that shit i love that yeah i got
fairly into that for a little bit and then kind of backed off again my viewership didn't love that
game so much mostly because i think i was doing single player i tried a little bit of multiplayer
but it didn't seem super active when i was doing it it's a big youtube streaming
um game makes some sense yeah it's really big on youtube there's a there's a whole community
around it uh on youtube where they have um there's maybe a dozen medium-sized content creators
and they collaborate a lot there's's no toxicity within that community.
They have tournaments a lot. They have a tournament every weekend at least where every single content creator comes in and they do this
massive tournament that takes six or eight hours to play.
They live stream it all. They'll have dual casters on it.
We've got Big Jimmy facing off against Rod the Toad.
They do play-by- play and it's really fun it's a it's a cool community but i don't think it's as big on
twitch like you said game is pretty fun too it's a pretty well done game overall i was a little
annoyed with a lot of the hidden stats like there's like stats on that game that don't show
up on the character sheet so like units have momentum and they have like charging speed or
like top speed being different and this just changes how they behave in combat and you look
at one guy's tactical he looks pretty good stat wise and they're like oh no he's got 15 hidden
like damage reductions or something on there and i'm like oh how was i ever supposed to know that
as someone trying to get into this game yeah my chat is like oh you can't you just have to know
but then there's like 50 races or something insane with like different heroes so the amount
of memorization to to get into that game
on the multiplayer scene was insane.
Because you've got to build your armies,
figure out how to adapt your armies on the fly
to very little information about your opponent's armies.
And you basically need to memorize all this stuff
and then know which units beat which other units.
It was just a lot.
I was just like, I don't know, man.
We're getting some little pops from you.
I don't think it's plosives.
It's just occasionally
there's this little electronic...
Like every second.
Yeah. Maybe
unplug and replug or something.
I don't know.
But yeah, I love that game. I'm surprised
Taylor doesn't like that game because
it's right up his alley with the orcs
and goblins. I do like it.
I'm not good enough at games like
that to stream and engage with chat and i have a lot of fun engaging with chat and like shooting
the shit with them like i'm not that serious of a gamer and so like just no one would be impressed
by me playing total war warhammer 2 maybe maybe i'll still do it i mean my usual thing is i'll
play as the lizard man and pick the coolest dinosaurs. Yeah.
I mean,
that works.
Lizard men are super easy to play,
but the,
um,
the green skins are hilarious.
Like they have all these cool voice lines and some of their weapons are just
goofy.
Um,
they like their catapult,
uh,
everybody,
the diver that you can direct.
Yeah.
Most of the catapults are throwing rocks or maybe a magical rock.
You know what I mean?
But then you get to there,
you get to their rock like catapults and it's launching a guy who clearly
has like bat wings that they've built behind the shed strapped to his body.
And he's screaming as he flies through the air.
He's just like,
and he's like guiding himself into just kamikaze explode on the enemy.
It's really funny.
Yeah, I like the green skins.
There's so many fucking characters for the green skins.
It's hard to keep track.
In that game, there's so many characters.
Yeah, I play.
I play a good bit, but I watch probably 10 hours of content a week or something like that.
So I keep pretty on top of that.
I think that's the only way to like learn everything if you try to learn by just playing you're just gonna be
playing all day every day but if you watch enough like videos especially if you watch those
tournaments where everybody's using different races and uh a lot of times they'll do the
tournament where like everybody like i'm gonna play high elves all day i can't change and you have to play dark elves all day. I can't change.
And you have to play dark elves all day.
You can't change.
So you get to see a lot of strategy and a lot of different builds.
It's a fun game.
It's very in-depth, really well made.
What do you, I look like,
I get the impression that my audio is causing you a headache right now.
Do you want me to just restart real quick?
See if it fixes anything and rejoin the call.
Take me two seconds.
Let's try it.
Okay.
Awesome.
Thank you, Filthy.
How did you do on that tournament?
Oh, I can do it.
No, I don't play those tournaments.
I've played against some of the players who play in those tournaments,
and I lose probably 60% or 70% of the time.
I'm good at the game,
but I'm not like one of the best in the world or anything by any fucking stretch.
I'm better than average.
About like I was at Call of Duty or something like that. Like I'm going to win most of the pub in the world or anything by any fucking stretch i'm better than average about about like i wasn't called duty or something like that like i'm gonna win most of the pub matches i
play but if i got in that fucking tournament i would just get shit on they play it's just like
cod tournaments or anything else where they play a different rule set anyway and there's uh there's
all sorts of different attack rules and uh build rules you can only use this many of that unit
etc yeah yeah maybe knock out an ad while he uh does that all use this many of that unit, etc.
Yeah.
Maybe knock out an ad while he does that.
All right.
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That is quite a service.
It's not a service many people offer.
No, but it should. Well, you don't
need many people to offer it. Blue Chew's got the market cornered.
Yeah, I know, but I mean, for your fans,
that's just incredible that you guys can do
that for them. Give them hard penises?
Yeah, I do it by selling them
pills and taking off my
shirt yeah well two methods for me yeah i mean it is great the blue chew is awesome i've i have a
bag of it that i still need to use like that happened to you for a while kyle didn't it
where they were just so fast and every time you you're like, oh, I should maybe. I'm going to need a hundred a month.
And then you're like,
well, that's a lot.
Then you're like,
all right, I'm sitting on a bit of a stockpile.
I think what happened maybe is I went to prison
and it just built up.
But yeah, I'm on the $95 a month plan
where you get like a fucking shopping cart full of it
every 30 days.
So yeah, I have a little extra on hand
yeah a little extra yeah yeah i got in trouble for talking about taking more than one pill at
a time which no one should ever do so i take one pill at a time what the the package says one to
two i think it's one or two yeah yeah yeah that's probably what kyle doing. Yeah. I may have said that I take more than one or two,
but that wasn't true.
A mere slip of the tongue.
That's all it was.
Just miscounted.
Miscounted.
So filthy sounding good to me now.
Is it fine on your end, Woody?
Has he said anything?
Yeah.
You just must ignore that, right?
I don't know.
Look, these are really short mic tests.
Give me a minute.
Sometimes they're like, hey, can I get a mic test?
By the way, man, I see your stream's been killing it.
Congratulations.
Are you full time on that yet?
Me?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
I thought you said Woody.
No, I...
Woody's been doing well too, but I'm new for you.
I'm not full time on it yet. because i do it as much as i can like i've found that like usually i can sneak three to four hours you know it's like a sweet
spot amount of time a decent amount of days throughout the week and i have a lot of fun
doing it but yeah my my chat's fucking outrageous i had one dude donate 150 subs last night
and another dude donate 100.
And it was like, that's out-fucking-rageous.
And 300-some subs on a night
where I just watched like four hours of Hoarders
and made fun of those monsters.
It was a fun time.
We had a good time.
It was too depressing watching Hoarders.
I'm like, I don't want to watch this shit.
I know, it is depressing, but you just have to stay mad
that were like this thick off the floor like yeah like a different stick and they've just
been like plastered to the floor and it was dead there for who knows how long that yeah there was
the one cat where they're like well it was it was under a foot and a half to two feet of feces
and there was one where they're walking through it and it's almost like an illusion thing where
like you look at a painting and you're like wow it looks like it's
coming right at me and then they go to the ground level and it is flat as a pancake and so it's just
a cute little kitty looking thing and i'm like oh i hope that one's okay and the guy reaches down
and picks it up by what the tail is and it lifts like a communion wafer just fully straight flat
as a board and in the middle of it you could see a depression where a
shoe had walked over this thing
multiple times so this disgusting bitch
walked through the path
with this dead cat there and was stepping
on it and never even bothered to pick it up
which I guess why pick up that
dead cat there's a dozen more and
that's not a lie that at the end it showed
this crazy bitch it was like 36
cats were recovered cats were found.
The premise of the show is always about helping these people, fixing them.
They're going to cure them.
It's like 0% cured.
They can clean maybe a room if they're bad ones and the house if they're not bad.
And then they go right back to their old behavior.
Yeah.
It doesn't really feel like the two minutes I watched.
This makes me an entire expert on this. What are you know so i'm an expert on this too just to
chime in it did seem like they were just fucking shaming the shit out of these people and it was
clear like these people had problems and they needed help for sure but it didn't really feel
like didn't feel like they were put in a situation where they're going to get to the root of the
problem right it just felt like this was like window dressing and shitting on them i think if you watch more of it you'd see they have psychologists on and they're kind of helping
them throw this stuff away and identifying what's trash what's not and helping them learn that like
broth in a box that's swollen and gone bad and six years past its expiration doesn't have value
whereas they're like oh that's a rainy day item.
You don't know.
You might add some good stuff in there.
There was a bag of shit being carried away.
And one of the ladies goes,
my rubber bands,
my rubber bands.
She wanted to search through a bag of feasts.
They think everything has value.
You should just be what I always want them to do.
Like when they see that swollen
box of broth,
and they're like, no, no, not my broth!
I want them to be like,
here, have some.
That happened?
This is your rainy day broth.
Have some.
I want to see them like, well,
I guess they like crack it open.
Roach eggs in it.
The building is ruined.
The building is ruined by the things they kept inside of it.
They're just like, this is this whole building is just better off being torn down and start over.
That's my favorite.
When they tore the lady's house down and she's outside crying. over it that's my favorite when they tore the
lady's house down and she's outside crying oh that's such a good show we watched that one last
night the one where this lady was just you would agree if you saw this lady she was a monster she
was horrible to everybody trying to help her and would not help to get anything done just being
mean the whole time and it like towards the end of she's like
well i think it got a little cleaner it's just a bit of a work in progress and then the like the
chiron on the top of the stream goes robin was not able to clean the house the house has been
demolished and she's been charged ten thousand dollars by the state and i was like good nice
nice she was ruining the property value everywhere that
that was a different woman like usually i think what you're talking about filthy of them coming
in too hot is usually the family there's at least one person in the family who's sick and fucking
tired of it but on the other side of that coin the psychologists are not helpful at all because
they go into it way too mamby pambyy, where they will, it almost seems like they're sabotaging it
for the sake of the show,
where there will be people carrying boxes of literal poop
and trash and dead cats out of the house.
And the psychologist,
as all these guys are busting their ass sweating
in a really dangerous environment,
will be like, well, hold on, put that box down.
Now, Robin, are you okay with us getting rid of these spoons?
No, those are good spoons.
Okay, how about this cat head?
That's one of my favorite cats.
And then all these ones are popping in my head.
It's such a fucking funny show.
There was the daughter of a hoarder was like,
I left the house at 23.
And you know what really scared me about the house
was the squirrel incident when I was young.
I went in and wanted to make some buttered toast opened up the butter tray and there was a calcified squirrel staring
right back at me and really got to me that day wants to see a dead squirrel in the butter tray
matter of factly talking about calcified squirrels in the butter tray yeah but every once in a while
you get like a high T alpha family member.
This one bitch had like two sons and they were not playing the psychologist
game of like checking with everything.
He just went up to one of the side areas and just ripped out the screen door
and was like,
we can get it all out this way.
Everything,
everything out.
Mom,
it's trash.
It's fucking trash.
Ma,
my collectible plates she literally said that just cat shit covered plates my collectible plates
point of that right like it's like there's no way you this isn't a choice you're not going to be
rational with someone about this because it's not a rational thing they're doing
yeah right like that that line and maybe and maybe this is you know who knows what they what they added out of this
and we're editing this for tv to make it more interesting but like who knows what the actual
process is in terms of length of time there and what they're actually doing with these people but
it just feels like this is like the tip of a fucking iceberg yeah cleaning the house will
help but this is a huge underlying issue absolutely and it's just like the stuff that's happening
there have any of us ever had like a relative or a friend who was at least borderline with the hoarding yes i've never actually walked
into a hoarder's house i don't think or no no i have once but it was like a really organized like
knickknack kind of hoarder house where they were like it it was stressful to walk around it but
nothing like this show there weren't what'd you have woody uh i felt like jackie's parents kept too many things like i was about to bail you out i was like maybe
you don't want to talk yeah yeah maybe you should have gone that way but they um
paperback books stacked to the ceiling you know um just like old things like it wasn't
dirty like it certainly it wasn't like um it was clean it could be disorganized and there was
nothing that was like yucky right like like you wouldn't want to not eat in the same room as a
bunch of paperback books but it was also like well these things are just not good right like
why are you keeping one on the bottom you're you're you know they didn't
have a really big house it's fire when i first met her anyway and uh um he's like you could use
this space for things other than storing worthless things yeah there was kyle you were talking about
wanting them to have to eat the broth there was one of these crazy ladies last night that and you
know there's the one guy who's like my name's colin stevenson and i'm an extreme cleaner you know like he's flipping into the house
and he he goes in and he's like mr pro nothing shakes this guy and he grabs the dirtiest mason
jar i've ever seen it looked like they shit smeared on the middle out of this fridge and
there's like a little black nugget of something
abnormally shaped about this large just a black nugget and she's like that's still good that's a
candy and he's like it's not a candy it's not a candy ma'am this is in no world of candy it's a
candy she reaches her old hand in this gnarled little thing and pops it in her mouth and she goes it's
a candy and this extreme cleaner is like and he's like he's like talking to the camera being like
that may be the grossest thing i've ever seen you know last week i cleaned up 10 years of human
feces in a bag staircase and this is the worst thing I've ever seen.
And it was like, from that moment on, you could see him keeping a distance from her.
She's an absolute fucking kook.
I've talked about it before.
And it was not a candy.
I will tell you this for sure.
That was not candy.
I know.
So in Ocean City, two houses down, it was a hoarder's house.
And the house was so filled with shit, it split open on the side.
You could see from the outside, like lamps and dresses and shit came like piling out.
Like the corner of the house opened up and furniture and I don't know, trash bags full of clothing and hangers and stuff popped out.
I think what might help Filthy a little bit for this is like,
yeah, it's definitely a whole process to fix the hoarding,
but they don't do it like that.
They wait until it's like Robin, her house,
she's facing six months in jail in the next couple months
unless she gets this clean.
And so they set it up with like the ticking clock.
And so then they do the bullshit where it's like, well, do the therapy part and it's like no no no that part was years
ago this part is is force them to clean the house against their will or they will go to jail and
have their house burned down like like and so yeah you're right i mean it's all for tv if they
actually wanted to help they would they'd be doing therapy way before it was like crunch time you got
four days before the inspector's coming and there's rats running around one piece of shit dude had hundreds of rabbits in
his house running around just shit on the floor he was saying that like he was good for the rabbits
but they're walking around like rabbits shouldn't be bald and some of them were
this this one cunt she didn't
clean out the chicken cages enough and this chicken
had filled its own cage with a foot and a half of
shit to the point that it's like crouched down
below the top it's not even the top
of the cage it's an old cooking
grate with like a pot with some
foul concoction in it
it's just terrible it stresses me out
to watch a little bit god I'm watching tonight
now you've got to sold me this sounds hilarious and it's just terrible. It stresses me out to watch a little bit. God, I'm watching tonight now.
You've got to insult me.
This sounds hilarious.
I'll be doing one on my stream, everyone.
Taylor Merca on Twitch.
Go follow me.
More horrors.
Oh my fucking God.
Yeah, that sounds awesome.
It's so funny.
I could picture her so vividly
sticking her old gnarled hand
down into that mason jar
and pulling out that bezoar
or whatever the fuck
and just... it's awful
it's it's a genuinely really gross the amount of dead animals they find is mind-boggling like how
many dead animals do you have in your house but there's there's something clearly sick with people
doing that right like it's if you don't if you don't if you're able to readjust your expectation
of reality to be like that's this is normal this is fine like this is just part of my house to have a compulsive what a fucking chicken shit in my a lot of them are broke or spent time broke and i
think that that's part of where the hoarding comes from suddenly like if you've lived through a time
where you had nothing or could you you couldn't acquire anything you don't want to let anything
go that's it seems like that's the genesis of it commonly. Some of them are, yeah, definitely. Do you feel like we have to respect their mental illness, though?
Because what I see them often do is mollycoddle them and be like,
Oh, well, let's just pull the turds out of the box of old rotten books.
And that way we can keep the old rotten books with turds on them.
But we'll just get the turds out.
And they're like, that makes good fertilizer.
Well, the grass all died a long time ago because of all the cars leaking oil.
So you don't need that fertilizer.
They're like, stop bargaining.
Rip it all out and burn it in the yard.
I wish burning was legal because there's something so –
Burning's illegal?
For honest people. Yes, Woody.
I never like to bring that up on the show, but
that's a crime that you commit every week.
Taylor would have a lot more
shit if I knew that.
I think I would too.
Damn it.
That got me in much king.
That's never true
they turned it into a helmet
anyway
yeah I guess
the part of me that responds to that
it just feels like these people are ill right like you're not
going to rationally tell someone like if you're
hearing voices or seeing or hallucinating
or something there's no amount of
rationality that comes along with that right
and maybe even that isn't true like I was watching some rogan episode and they're talking like talking
to some like marathon runner who she was like yeah when she does her hundred mile marathon
through the friggin desert as like a without stopping for sleep she hallucinates and talks
to the scenery as she runs and she rationally was like i train for this i deal with this i just
roll i've kind of ride that when
it happens but i don't think you so i don't know i don't know what the appropriate way is presumably
the experts on the show do know what the appropriate way is to deal with it but it makes sense to me
that you're not like you have to get rid of this it's insane because clearly there's some
disconnect between reality and that is their attempt to teach them good from bad in the in
the whole hoarding world they're like this
is what garbage is hey you can distinguish what's garbage and what isn't garbage and that's what
they're doing they're selecting it now of course they suck and they define everything is not
garbage and then they have to go through it again and again so usually they're like model coddling
off the side while someone else is attempting to actually clean this mess yep it's exactly what
it is it's it they're and they're not like they don't come off as very highly respected people in
their fields of psychiatry or psychology they come off as like dr phil ish where they're they're
making their their questions in a pointed way to try and create drama and they're they feel like
they're actively inhibited i feel like they're actively inhibiting the the help of the people
by slowing it down that much.
Like, really, the only cure for most of these houses you see is just fire.
Like, a lot of it is really hot.
It's absolutely irritating.
There were these landlords came into the rabbit house, and they were absolutely shell-shocked.
They're like, we haven't been here in two years.
They removed, like, probably 50 rabbits from the house. And they're, like haven't been here in two years and just they they removed like
probably 50 rabbits from the house they're like starting to look good and then a bunch of like
little kid bunnies jump out of the wall oh no there's even more in there and they're all
and none of them want to be picked up and so they're all just like ah scratch me
it just looks like the worst fucking job to be an extreme cleaner and as you're like lugging out
a box full of rat rat skeletons some lady stops you and goes hey hold that heavy box of rat
skeletons we need to find aj her favorite rat well he's got a little have party hat on his
skeleton it's like dude you should be in jail you shouldn't you're dude imagine that
not enough people have empathy for the neighbors in these situations one of the episodes was called
they can smell the house from the road and that's not okay for everybody else who lives there like
what if any of them want to sell their house what if any of them want to live their life
and move somewhere and uproot because they get a new job somewhere i could see myself
burning that house down. Honestly,
like eating the rabbit.
No, just waiting until you saw
the old couple go to the grocery store and
just burning it. Maybe not even that.
Wait until they turn the lights off late at night.
Give them an hour to get drowsy and then
light her up.
It's a
real good show. You need to put some more hours into watching that.
It's very, very funny.
What I like is when they're mean to the hoarders, though.
I don't like any mollycoddling.
I want like a boot camp where they go in and they're just like –
I literally want like a Marine drill sergeant to walk in there
and react the same way they do when
like there's a fucking sock on the floor in a barracks but but but now they see this mess and
they just oh you see them melting down and turning all red face and they just they have a gun for
sure and then they're they're using the gun to shoot the rodents and stuff occasionally they
just pull it out with no warning and i said it before kyle you're an idea man i love this
to just get those guys like you know normally he teaches at buds but now he's dealing with
hoarders let me just go insane yelling at him like one inch away he doesn't know that this
woman has mental health issues he is just you know like he's been told he has to clear this
house in 12 hours or else.
They have to belly crawl underneath all the barbed wire,
but instead of being under fire,
they're having to resist picking up broken tea kettles
and farmer's almanacs from 1964.
Put that broken pot down.
You do not need it.
Nobody's still going.
I can cook something.
And then they just bang.
One strike and you're out.
Trying to get some overweight 63-year year old to do push-ups dude there are no there was one i think i watched i watched like
four hours of it there are no skinny hoarders though there was one guy that was normal weight
one normal weight guy who looked pretty normal but he also was wearing just a weird hat and he
liked to keep all this trash in the yard uh but other than him these people are morbidly obese morbidly disgusting they don't
throw anything away that's no it's got to be part they're not well dressed no no they're never well
dressed you would think they'd have quite the wardrobe stored away somewhere good thought yes
you'd think they'd break out their good clothes. Have you ever seen an adult that they look like they're dressed like a toddler?
No, never, Taylor.
Imagine that. Are they dressed like
12-year-olds by chance?
That's some bullshit
right there.
Dude, every hoarder looks like the kind of person that pulls
their pants all the way down to pee.
Just right, just
Ben Shapiro style, just straight down. i like to think he does that i love
i was going around it was like years ago it's like ben shapiro pulls his pants all the way
down when he pees pass it on i saw someone i saw ben shapiro replied all the memes the other day
and he's dug himself deeper actually i'm not know? Actually, I'm not. No. What'd he do? They're always saying that he's a cuck or whatever.
And I want to say.
No, they're saying that his wife has a dry pussy.
That's the genesis of it.
That's what it was.
Imagine if sex sounded like a straw going in and out of the little anti-spill device.
And they're like, that's what it sounds like when Ben Shapiro has sex.
So he replies.
And he's like, yeah, ha ha.
This is all very funny.
It sounds like a basketball game. jude shapiro has sex so he replies he's like yeah haha this is all very funny but it sounds
like a basketball game he replied he's like oh this is all very funny i get the joke i get the
joke but you all do realize of course that i have two kids paternity tested both of them they're
mine and they're like this motherfucker just keeps going, right? He had to paternity test
both of the children his wife had.
Yeah.
The fact that he is already 6'4
and Asian has nothing
to do with the fact that my wife wasn't faithful.
She's a big fan of Yao Ming,
though.
Plowder. She's got a huge Asian kid.
He doesn't do a good job with those
with rolling with the punches with stuff like that.'s he's a bit of a fucking weirdo
wait you said he does a good job no he doesn't do a good job
okay yeah yeah yeah he seems to have a sense of humor about it just not a good one
yeah yeah he tried to have a sense of humor but you know it's just much easier to laugh at him
for his his wife dry pussy
he doesn't he doesn't seem he doesn't get angry in public and and like you know threaten people
or anything he's just sort of like yeah i get it it's funny can you guys think of a winning
response to that though besides just totally ignoring it the only way to win is not to play
yeah there's that what if he leaned into it that might that might work too
no not for someone like him.
It would just be me and him forever.
Like base, right?
He can't lean into that.
They're going to crucify him.
If he makes a sex joke about that, it's probably over, right?
Oh, I was thinking more like no one would let it go. If he was like, oh, you're right.
I can't please my wife.
I'm a pussy.
He was like, well, he shouldn't do that maybe not exactly those
words yeah maybe maybe not those words like a few like a tweak a few not i mean 50 of those
words like you've probably seen those like dry rock at like monument valley things that you could
drive a car through yeah if he just went hey what this isn't normal and like leaned into a little
bit that'd be funny i think people would laugh along with it.
Put a half a dozen of them out there.
And, you know,
if he could laugh at himself, then maybe
that would work.
It's certainly better than I paternity tested
my children.
I think that most people can't beat
him in a debate.
He's annoying.
It's a lot easier to just make fun of
the very idea that his wife has a dry pussy and he doesn't realize that. in a debate. He's annoying. So it's, it's a lot easier to just like make fun of the,
the very idea that his wife has a dry pussy and he doesn't realize that.
Yeah.
He just talks really fast.
That's it.
Yeah.
Why Ben Shapiro assaults 14 year old socialist at,
you know,
local university or,
you know,
that all those memes and nonsense.
It's like,
yeah,
of course you can destroy a 17 year old who you were like, come over here be on the live stream like or maybe that's not him
maybe it's uh steven does that too but they both yeah ben shapiro would like go from university
to university some 19 year old would have a half-baked idea because she's brand new to
following this kinds of thing and he would just absolutely destroy her and of course the youtube
title is like ben shapiro
destroys socialist and then there's some girl with a nose ring who doesn't know anything about
anything because she just started yeah sounds like a good porno ben shapiro destroys social
you think it's good and then it's so destroys the 19 year old i think was the porn
oh it's not just rotten he's the same titles uh it could be it'd be yeah but yeah he's a quick
talker it's what i watched um joe rogan talk to him and it was pretty interesting right because
ben shapiro talks in a mile a minute.
It's kind of hard to keep up.
And Joe Rogan's technique for working with it was to slow down.
And when he talked to him, every word became deliberate and concentrated.
And altogether, it was like he was, I don't know, he just played a different game when
he went back and forth with him.
It was pretty neat to watch.
If you watch conversations.
I'm pretty impressed with Rogan over time like watching his stuff he's gotten
way better as a as an interviewer it feels like to me like over time okay i haven't watched much
of his stuff recently i always has he had anybody any big any big people recently anything really
good i didn't watch it i heard his david blaine thing was outstanding it was really good as ever
yep that was pretty good yeah i like liked the David Blaine one a lot.
Joe Rogan stuck an ice pick through David Blaine's bicep.
Arm, like right there.
During the show?
Yes.
That's tight.
And you saw it come through the other side.
Like he legitimately did it.
That's the thing.
I think I saw him do something similar, but it was through the palm.
It wasn't the Jerry show.
It was a couple of years ago.
And the guy who did it is like,
that's,
that's,
that's not even a magic trick.
I just,
that's just sticking a big nail through your palm.
Yeah.
But a lot of that stuff seems to be that way.
A lot of the,
the,
the magic stuff gets kind of rolled in with a,
it's like tricks,
but then it's also a lot
of like extreme body stuff right it's like that was modeled after for at least that one he was
modeling after some uh magician of years past who had done it by swords through their body
like swords put like horizontally through their fucking rib cage or something you're like what
the fuck yeah and like he wanted to be able to do that. That's an extreme body thing.
David Blaine did have the record there for a long time
for holding your breath.
We talked about it on this show
and both these guys were like, yeah, but he's a magician.
It doesn't count. He's literally in the Guinness Book
of World Records for holding his breath for 17 and a half minutes.
They were like, they keep track
of who can juggle the most salami
and stuff. They're not legitimate
record-keeping servants. They're the only record-keeping service. They're the only
record-keeping service.
They are the only people that count how many
Twinkies you can stuff in your mouth, but I don't know that
that makes sense.
I'm watching this clip.
Don't you take that away from Wings.
That's his major accomplishment.
Leave him alone.
I'm watching this clip of
Rogan starts to put the ice pick
through David Blaine. This is the most uncomfortable I've ever
seen Rogan.
There was not a lot of lead
up to this. He was just like, I want you to put this in.
Rogan's like, now on the show?
And David Blaine's like, yeah.
Rogan's eternal credit was like,
yeah, okay, I'll do it. Did David Blaine
talk really slow on the Jerry?
What was that? I remember him talking really slow, but maybe okay it's a thing he does oftentimes like when he's a street magic and stuff it's just
no emotion and so slow like one word every four or five seconds and i'm like i what is this bit
why is that good but we'll see i i worried about it on the podcast. Maybe he's not. Maybe he's normal. I liked it a lot.
I liked it a lot.
I saw somebody be like, his breath holding record doesn't count.
You know he breathed oxygen before that, right?
Give us all a fucking oxygen tank, and let's see how long we can hold our fucking breath, all right?
Because it's not 17 and a half minutes.
No, I can probably do that.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah, 20, 25, I'd say. I'd pay to see you try.
17, not even even 20.
It was the world record
at the time. He bitched out before 20.
For human beings. I mean, if I were
to do it, I'd probably hit 20.
Oh, you can see it straining against the skin.
Yeah, when it pops out the other side, there's this point
where David Blaine takes like
two fingers and forces the skin over the sharp part so it penetrates all the way through his bicep.
I think the part that got me a little bit when he was like, oh, hold on, you hit a nerve.
You hit a nerve.
Going a different route.
And Rogan kept like, I wish I had a pencil or something.
Like Rogan kept like this.
And he's like, no, no, no, not like that.
You're going like, because Rogan's trying to go at this weird downward angle. He's like, no, straight, straight through my bicep. And Rogan's like, like this and he's like no no not like that you're going like because rogan's trying to go downward angle he's like no straight straight through my bicep and rogan's like like this
and he's like no no no not like that he keeps having to grab the thing and twist it to a 90
degree angle so it's just going straight through his bicep and rogan keeps trying to go like in
like this or something for some reason yeah like this no not like that joe i wonder how much that
hurts probably a lot it's quite uncomfortable
i felt watching that quite uncomfortable but i wasn't having to shove that through i don't know
do it i'm not gonna do it got a four out here that's up to your channel if you did that you
got a knife or something i did shitty i see you're going for a 2k sub goal man i think that should be owl costume sure i mean that
that 150 subber guy passed 2k for you didn't he yep yeah so i already ordered the owl costume
i don't know if i'm able to even talk in it it's pretty pretty hardcore i think so your subs
sometimes work their way over to mine they're like like, Woody, if I donate, will you buy shit?
And so far I have bought two ounces of silver that they donated for.
It's kind of neat, I guess.
And a gallon of Dawn.
They had me buy.
I got three and a half gallons of Dawn left back there.
I'm so lost here.
Your viewers donate to you and they ask you to spend that money
to buy a specific thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Is that useless?
Yeah, so like,
someone donated $32
for me to buy
a beeswax dip
didgeridoo,
which I now have
in my living room.
They liked,
they wanted a higher quality
slide whistle,
so I got a
a much nicer
That is high quality.
Much higher quality
than the wood one.
Get the wood one out of here.
We got a nice metal one now.
A recorder, which I haven't done yet.
What else?
The Titanic song.
A bunch of
soap.
Nobody donated for the owl costume.
So what you're saying is you've
started on the path of hoarding.
Yes.
Hoarding. He. Yeah. It's hard to pile up.
Whoring.
He sells himself.
Yeah.
I mean, hand in hand.
Well, by the time I'm streaming again, I'll probably drop back below 2000.
But even so, I'm wearing the owl costume next time.
Because I don't think I'll be able to do it again until Sunday or so.
But I don't know.
I'm having a lot of fun with it.
I enjoy streaming. I have another pilot costume that arrived yesterday, but I haven't streamed it yet.
My wife was down
for it. My wife was like...
She saw the hat,
the tie, the aviator glasses
that Joe Biden wears.
It was like...
Looking good, Jack.
Basically, she's like, I'm in.
Just needs a cape. Let's go.
So maybe a little role play in my future.
Do you think we'll ever have a lazy eyed president?
That's something I can't picture.
He's got one eye on China and one on the economy.
What else would you say?
You should make that his tagline.
Woody Woodworth watching Russia and China.
Yeah.
No one knows where he's looking.
Oh man, that was, I remember I had a science teacher in seventh grade that he was a really nice guy really kind guy and but he had a
pretty noticeable bad lazy eye and i felt really bad for him and there was one time he was trying
to yell at this kid in the class like steven or he didn't say the name he goes be quiet stop talking
and then some kid sitting there goes yeah john he's yelling at you to stop talking some guy like three seats over
and he goes like with his fucked up eyes like no
Carter you you stop
talking it was like it was funny to see like
it was it was bad
it was very clearly knew he was yelling
at himself right yeah yeah he did he was
fucking around about his lazy eyes man
kids are shitty
are genuinely shitty and mean
yeah sometimes funny you know
competition being raised is the problem right they all survive to adulthood
that's true yeah it should be like like pups in the wild for wolves where like one out of ten
survive think of how much stronger would be as humans you didn't eat the other your other two
siblings you shouldn't you don't deserve to exist, really.
If you don't cannibalize them in the womb.
That's right.
Taylor says that because I think he's the one that would live.
I would be that eaten pup.
I think my brother would have gotten the best of me.
Oh, I would have turned you into my weekly
macros.
That's right.
Not really, though, because you're 18 years older than me.
Fair point.
You have a bit of a jump.
I'm going to have to strike before Taylor
hit puberty at seven.
You come into the birthing ward in 1991
and you're like, you don't understand!
He's murdering me.
He's going gonna eat me
he's in prison the rest of your life
damn i had that was the biggest stunt stunt i've ever seen on joe rogan show that's crazy
and you're right that's not magic that's just an extreme pain tolerance that's
really impressive well and probably it's more than that right because if we were seeing people
with swords like the the clips they showed on that same show of that guy that he was emulating
right who did the swords through them right it's like you see that and that's that kills someone
who does that wrong right well he killed the guy he was talking about yeah although it wasn't right
it was that that's what the ice pick was about right he swallowed something that didn't come
up properly he's something internally or something stupid yeah yeah the original guy who did the
swords to the body,
he was talking about this old-timey performer
and they were showing these black and white videos
of the guy taking fencing swords
straight through his torso,
through organs and stuff. Horizontally.
Wow. But the guy got
too sure of
himself and swallowed
an ice pick to show
how hardcore he was. The whole thing? Yes! And he didn't bring it up. He took an ice pick to show how hardcore he was. The whole thing?
Yes! And he didn't bring it up.
He took an ice pick,
swallowed it, and then he died.
What did he think was going to happen?
Well, he normally regurgitates that
shit, right? He holds that
and brings it back up at some point.
Oh, this wasn't his first ice pick swallow.
Who knows?
I don't know.
The point is, you see this and you're just like, someone can do that, and they can do that this wasn't his first ice pick swallow it was just it went wrong that wasn't i don't know yeah
but the point is like you see this and you're just like so someone can do that and they can do that
in a way that it's probably it's clear it's not healthy for them right but they're doing it in
some way that they're not killing themselves doing it so there's there's there's some technique to it
and i think that's why like it was so awkward watching joe rogan push it into fucking on the show because it's like joe has no idea the
appropriate way to do this and david blaine is trying to do his best to be like not to influence
joe's doing of this because he doesn't want it to be accused of being fake right so he's letting
joe mostly do it and joe's chosen some bizarre path that's like doing nerve damage. Right through the ulnar nerve. It's just like, oh my God.
My fingers are burning.
Move, Joe.
You learn how to do this.
Which of the bones should I try to hit?
And it's like, okay, here's how you do it.
You can only do it through the certain ribs or certain location.
You can't hit any organs, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
or whatever it happens to be.
And then you just ask some random person, yeah, you do it to me.
I'll be fine.
You know, fine.
Yeah, that's not a good idea.
This isn't a good idea anyway.
None of this is good. This is hard for me this no no this this through the arm one that's still a bad idea but that's okay do it but no i don't want to be stabbed what's the name of the artery in your arm
that's a big deal the armory oh yes that is it no there's one in there that that you don't want
to poke and i it's weird to me that they're not worried about it.
Is it the one that goes up here?
Where you get stuck?
Under your bicep.
Oh.
I don't know.
Maybe that's what he was going for that he was panicking about.
Because there wasn't that much blood that came out afterward.
It was such a fine hole.
Or maybe they just didn't put the camera on the warm enough.
And you see, Joe, there's not even any blood.
He's like, well, there's a lot of blood right there.'s like yeah you hit something there you hit yeah i'm just like fuck
that and it's okay the ice pick did look dull like like he was like he was like i've already
used this one a few times so it's a little dull so this is kind of gonna hurt but and i'm thinking
like why'd you show up to the rogan show without it with a dull ice? You should be traveling everywhere with like a fucking ice pick sharpener or something.
Yeah, right?
If you did that enough, that would be like day two investment.
Day one.
Oh, yeah.
If I'm doing this.
It hurt a bit.
I have the sharpest ice pick in America.
What happened afterwards?
Like when they pulled it out, it didn't bleed much?
He just carried on with the show?
Yeah.
Carried on with the show.
Yeah. Yeah. it out it didn't bleed much he just carried on with the show yeah yeah yeah didn't bleed much from what you can see but yeah apparently how often can you do this trick next sub goal does
he do the trick like every three months i don't know i don't know is it even fair to call it a
trick it's definitely a performance but like it isn't okay i don't i don't think it's like you
know a lot of times you see magic and it's an illusion right someone has done something that looks incredible but the mechanics
behind it are physical mechanics right like that are like you do this and it looks like this type
of thing here it just felt like and maybe i'm just falling into this but i don't think so it just
he's not tricking anyone he's just doing it right it's not a trick it's just an extremely it's an
extreme thing that's pretty fucking cool to see someone able to do that but fuck it's how do you do that the first time like how do you do
that i could just imagine the first time somebody gets like an inch into my bicep i'm like i need to
go to the hospital you're just so scared and there was such a weird guy he had such weird like
things that motivated him like you heard some of the things he'd done like you know
did this thing without food or like water for like without food for a week like buried underground
he's like it's a lot mental he's like you know i did it i bought a coffin and trained in my house
by just like closing the coffin kind of deal and then he did it underground he's like you know he's
like i was hallucinating and he was just this extreme body pushing was just something that he
did and that's it was it was cool to listen to. It was totally different.
Yeah.
He's definitely way cooler than Chris Angel.
Is he dead?
Or did I dream that he's the mind freak?
No,
Chris Angel.
He's the mind freak,
right?
They're all kind of cool.
David Copperfield's cool to me.
And he just does tricks and illusions.
Yeah.
How do you make the statue of Liberty disappear?
That's a really big trick. They just point to the different area of the Bay, right Liberty disappear? That's a really big trick.
It just points to a different area of the bay, right?
Yeah, that's a camera trick.
The people there weren't tricked?
No.
You can't make the Statue of Liberty disappear.
I was very impressed, Kyle.
No, but with a series of mirrors.
If I get to go to New York and watch watch then i feel like i'm sitting there like
watching them like pull a big black curtain and then pan the camera night 45 degrees and
and then like 35 actors go wow and i'm just like i just want to be the guy way off on the shore
going bullshit bullshit i see it it's a gigantic do you see the elephant one the elephant one i think that
was also chris angel where he was like oh i'm gonna throw a sheet over an elephant and um then
the elephant's gonna go away and i had like you're right like 40 people watching and they're all
actors like you can't make an elephant disappear that's an enormous animal it probably doesn't
care having a sheet over its head.
It's not some hot chick who's more than willing to climb under the stage.
Yeah.
This is an animal that may or may not become enraged after you throw the sheet on it.
See, that's the real thing.
It's an animal.
You can train it.
God, what happened to when animals attack?
How does that not come back?
You're talking about hoarders.
And I agree.
That's a fun show to
watch a good show can you imagine if there was a modern day when animals attack how great that
would be to watch with a stream that would be good yeah when animals attack would be fun you
i told you guys my ideas my idea for a show called black magic where it's street magicians who only
do it for black groups of people yeah i think that's a bill burbit is it uh azir and zari that's right yeah
well but he's not the first person to notice that black people are the most entertaining
with magic tricks first person i noticed to notice same well never mind then special notice
there you go like your plan taylor of uh streaming uh amazon uh amazon prime shows
for like a viewership that is a brilliant brilliant use of stream time definitely that
allows that i mean not a lot of prep for that i imagine no no not a lot of prep for hoarders
either it's just like let's let's make fun of these people and and then there are some times
where like you'll genuinely feel bad for them usually it's a family member that you genuinely
feel bad for because they're just tied up and all of it.
And they have no like the daughters who just openly break down and cry because there's so much poop everywhere.
But it's funny.
I have no mercy for that.
When I see that, I'm just like, fuck you.
Like, I have no mercy for those hoarders.
Like, like, no pity.
I should say like like every time i watch
it i just wish that they had that marine corps drill sergeant instead of these nancy pantsy
garbage men that come in like is it okay if we throw the rotting food away can we throw it away
no just do it and burn everything i want to say you should have to eat every bite
kyle are there any like like i'm trying to come up
with mental like addictions or hoarders or something in that category that you are sympathetic eating disorder drug addiction no no
anything that may be close to home um family member no experience in your life no no we're
all there no no no no empathy for any of those people no sympathy for anyone no i mean i mean not really
like if they got cancer or something yeah that one of course right sure i mean if they've got
a disease what if they got cancer oh there was some self-imposed poking um um what is it called
when it makes you predisposed to cancer like carcinogens or you know like like being heavy
for example is is a thing that
can make you predisposed to getting cancer sure what if a heavy person gets cancer do they lose
your sympathy what kind of cancer is it fat person cancer or is it i don't know are there special fat
people i'm out of my uh you know what about heart disease right like it's heart disease, right? Like it's heart disease, but you know darn well that the guy ate fast food too much.
Does he have a family?
Are they fat?
Is he more or less culpable because he has a family?
Are you saying he's more deserving of sympathy because he has this family?
Isn't he less deserving of sympathy because he has a family?
I'll be sympathetic for them.
Has he been planning for that?
I'll be sad for them maybe, but him i don't know it really depends like like
the stuff that i feel bad for is like um i've seen those shows where the guy was like in the
military and he's and he's like crippled or are burnt up now and like like they're usually giving
him like a cool prosthetic leg and it's like fuck why wasn't the government buying this guy a cool
prosthetic leg you know i feel bad for those people but most of the stuff that people bring
upon themselves especially or mental illness you know i really don't have a lot of pity for those
things why not pity for mental illness okay i get it if you if you if you did something if you
invested in something that has a shitty outcome and then you reap the shitty outcome okay sure
but why mental illness that how is that how is the person experiencing that to
blame for oh it's equally pitiable it's just that it's funny too and so that kind of outweighs my
my pity so i'm you know i feel bad but then i laugh and i feel better and it depends yeah it
depends on the mental like if it's that my strange diction kind of mental illness where they like to
smell baby's diapers or eat cotton balls i don't i don't feel bad for them but if it's that My Strange Addiction kind of mental illness where they like to smell babies' diapers or eat cotton balls, I don't feel bad for them.
But if it's like they're addicted to heroin because their parents killed themselves or something, it's like, yeah, I feel bad for you.
Really?
That's not one that would get me so much, right?
Woody's got no pity for drug users.
That's a little extreme, but that's not the one that yeah i feel like that's
a lot of like these are choices that they made on their own i have more pity for uh food addiction
god it gets real fucking hard like figuring out that line is where is this the choice they made
versus uh life they're lived in from environment right like it's sure i don't know where to draw all the lines
i'll just say this i know hard and fast now i'm not gonna go category for category what about this
mental illness we got time but oh no that one's hilarious that one's fucking pants on head
retarded funny um but not Tourette's anyone Tourette's is hilarious. Yeah, I do like that one. We're a little close to home here.
Well, your Tourette's is like not the comical Tourette's, though.
That girl on Twitch.
Wait, you're telling me that Woody's not funny?
You're saying he's got Tourette's and he's not funny, so fuck him?
I'm saying that Tourette's is the least funny thing about Woody.
How great would it be if Woody had N-word Tourette's?
We could get away with whatever we wanted
yeah
I'm going to step up my game
bring it Woody
what if you suffer an un-videoed
bump on the head
I mean you do paramotoring that's something that could happen
maybe it gets exacerbated
it might have happened last week brother
yeah
oh I'd love that if you randomly just that should be my new
bit like i put my head and now i can't stop saying god it's been so long since i heard anyone yell
it in anger i hate the 21st century so they um oh man we're we're going somewhere funny things sympathetic you're talking about
what mental illnesses you were sympathetic to and which ones you're not you said you
weren't gonna make a fast and hard oh yeah i'm gonna draw lines about like yeah this one no
that one like like i'm birth defects i really feel sorry for those people that's not funny to me
at all like people who were born a certain way.
Like I had no issue with that.
I'm missing the distinction between that and mental illness.
Poor life decisions are yours.
And if those lead you to be like whatever, then I think that's funny.
That's how I feel.
Would you agree that people are, for example, some people are naturally more intelligent than others, like just genetically?
Yeah, stupid people are funny.
But wouldn't you also then kind of argue that like your genetic disposition leaves you vulnerable or better able to –
I'm not going to laugh at them because they can't do algebra.
I'm going to laugh at them when they like do something really stupid and funny though.
I draw that line.
I'm not going to look up his fucking high school gpa and go oh that's a good one but you
know if they do stupid things throughout their life or in their interactions with me that can
be funny and then that way i can laugh at a stupid person can you not find someone amusing but also
find them pitiable yes you definitely can those almost always go hand in hand i thought you were
saying the opposite i thought you were saying that you had no pity for these some people but you also found yeah i'm being yeah and i know this
is this is a character yeah yeah of course it is i feel sorry for all these people everyone
but that's not funny you know you know what's a you know what's a good mental illness to watch
videos about is uh i don't even know if this qualifies as mental illness it's a gang stalking
those people who believe that all those cars and and they'll believe like oh there are dozens of
federal agents or not even always federal agents just sometimes they'll think like random people
in their community are just tracking shirts or yeah if they drive a red car if they have like
a license plate that starts with s if you know they walk up with their phone to people in
supermarkets like picking out bananas and they're like i see you i know where you are and this guy's like
you can have the bananas i like it when they come up to the mailman you're here every day
same time taking a picture this is my phone you think i don't notice i'm your mailman
how do you know my name and address? It's on my spreadsheet.
My friend Phil helped me set it up.
Yeah, we've talked about the gang stalkers before.
They're outrageous.
That's a mental illness that's funny.
That's a good, that's a real knee slapper.
I like that one.
Some of them are clearly fake, the videos,
where it's someone trying to meme about like,
oh, I'm a gang stalker, but the real ones you can tell.
Like the stressed breathing, the like erraticratic behavior like there's something up with these
people there's no way that it's like outside of gang stalking he's an a plus accountant you know
like there's definitely there's comorbidities with this like there's something causing them
agreed for sure maybe schizophrenia but go back to the hoarders i've got zero pity for them like like i don't
give a fuck what's made them start hoarding like i don't know i don't care what mental illness or
who all that was mama's chair she died so now we just never clean it it's like well the rats have
been shitting in it for 18 years it's it's over like and they'll never let they never move past
their own excuses like one woman was like it got really out of hand after my father died.
And it's like, and that was 20 years ago.
And right now you're 79.
How'd your dad die?
Nom.
You should have had a better handle on this.
Like you were an older person when your dad died.
And then you decided to amp up the hoarding to, to like,
the animal hoarders are objectively the worst
because it's not just ruining Atari games and stuff like that.
It's like, no, you're torturing animals and none of them see it that way.
They're like, oh, I'll have nothing without my squirrel nests and dead rabbits.
It's like, man, there's a wild possum in your kitchen.
That's Freddy!
This really nice man with animal control
pulled up to the house to try and help,
and this guy with all the rabbits was like,
You think this is the time you're finally going to get me?
It was like accosting him about it.
He had an ongoing dispute with the animal control guy.
He hated it. He was looking out his trailer window. him about it he had an ongoing dispute with the animal control guy he hated he was like like
looking out his trailer window here they come these fuckers and it's like hey we got a call
that you're torturing animals in all the name uh get the fuck out of here what do we have here
it's the squirrel gestapo this one lady she had goat, and this goat was limping so hard.
Like, it couldn't walk right at all.
And then the psychiatrist was like, and when did Tina's legs start to really bother her?
Well, about two years ago.
It's like two years ago.
So for like a quarter of that goat's life he's been hobbling around in other
animal shit it's they're just they're just bad people doing that to animals they're bad people
i i have no respect for animal abusers or people who treat animals bad at all that's one of my pet
peeves i suppose you could say um i felt really i always mention it when i talk about that court
experience i had when i was 22, but like,
I felt so scummy being in the same court proceeding as the animal abusers.
Like,
like right before me is like,
so we understand you've been torturing your dogs again.
It's just like,
fuck,
I'm after this guy,
the dog torturer.
We don't have to take them away,
Mike.
No,
not my dogs.
Yep. Yep. Which one I'm told you I'm going to whoop it so bad?
So mean and cruel.
I would imagine that would be good for you though, right?
You go up after the guy who tortures
animals to death. Suddenly you're looking
like a Sunday church
boy, you know? Like you don't want to go behind the
serial loiterer. No, I
guess that's a good point
that's a good point i suppose that that may or may not have been helpful but it it didn't go
against me i don't know but yeah i think i think animal hoarders and uh and hoarders in general
are just awful people and they should just rip that off like a band-aid there's no need to
whenever everyone who's watching it worked imagine if all like mental health it works
see there there is a one i'm recommending if i'm recommending treatment for a hoarder maybe
that's not my recommendation recommendation but if you're watching television about hoarders
i want mr clean to come in i want what's what's the big muscle of black terry cruz i want terry cruz to
be like to have a new show called mr clean and he just goes in there and just beats the shit out of
them and forcibly like pressure washes the interior of their home with a fire hose i'd love that you
like why is this episode 90 seconds long and it opens to terry Crews with lighter fluid just spraying all over everything.
This one there's no hope for.
Tune in at 8pm for Horrors
and 9 for our new series The Arsonist.
Welcome to the show. I'm your host
The Arsonist and we're going to go burn down the Horrors.
Steve-O would be perfect for that show.
I'm Steve-O. Welcome to The Arsonist.
I'm Steve-O and this is Class class two felony steve-o did a triathlon recently i saw him take himself to a billboard
the other day he celebrated 10 years sober by doing a triathlon so good for him i everybody
loves steve-o yeah yeah yeah no i like him he is he's been through some shit and the thing about steve as far as i
know for all the like insanity he did he didn't really hurt other people like he was crazy but
i don't see a string of victims in his past i love the story about snorting the aids cocaine
uh maybe you have to uh remind me i don't know if I'm real familiar with that one.
Yeah, there was – he was doing drugs with this guy with AIDS.
And the guy – I don't remember how it happened exactly,
if the guy like pulled a needle out or like coughed blood or aspirated.
I don't know.
Anyway, there was a bunch of cocaine on the table covered in blood.
It was AIDS blood.
And Steve-O snorted it all. He just snorted all the AIDS blood. No, no. He just snorted all the AIDS blood. And Steve-O snorted it all.
He just snorted all the AIDS blood.
No, no.
He just snorted all the AIDS blood cocaine.
He's rolling the dice.
He could have just gotten more coke.
Yeah, he probably had money.
I did. It was right there.
Yeah, it was right there covered in blood.
You were saying, Filthy, that's not the way to handle it with the hoarders.
Now, I do think it is different than an alcoholic or drug addict in that if somebody the way to handle it with the hoarders now i do think it is different than like an alcoholic or drug addict and that like if somebody's about to shoot up black tar heroin
or they're about to drink a handle of vodka and you're like nope got it like they can go out
immediately especially if it's booze and purchase more you know if i clear out 40 years of hoarding
it's they can't go back to as bad as they were by the next day it's you are you are
a fairly new streamer you have surely encountered the twitch prime which is the amazon prime
subscription you can fill a house with amazon prime in about two minutes if you want to
that's what i was going to talk about earlier and. Yeah, like I don't think I was a hoarder, but I just had a lot of junk
because I used to get super fucking stoned and then get on Amazon
and be like, oh, cool.
Yeah, I need new camping gear.
I hate camping.
I don't go camping.
Oh, man.
Yeah, an eight-person tent.
That sounds about right.
Oh, the 12-person tent is only about right oh the 12 person tent's only 400
more dollars well let's get one just when i went through my uh my house uh back home before i moved
out here and i started like there was like three piles there was a trash pile a storage pile and a
take with me to the new home pile at one point i was just looking at how much stuff i was planning
on bringing with me and putting in storage.
And I was just like,
no,
no,
we're drawing a hard fucking line here.
I don't care.
Family members need to come through.
I called everybody.
I was,
I was like,
look,
y'all need to come over here.
Take a look at this stuff.
Cause it's about to get thrown away.
And,
and a lot,
some of it's valuable.
Some of it you might want,
but it's getting thrown away tomorrow.
And some people came and they like got the random knives and fucking goofy things that i had acquired over the years of being high as fuck on amazon
and then i just threw it all away i filled a rollback uh with with like nonsense just so
many thousands of dollars like one of those gigantic dumpsters that goes on a semi truck
okay okay yeah fill that up. Yeah.
I mean, but now,
I mean, you've just cleared up space
for in the future
when you live in Colorado.
You can start that cycle.
Oh, we're going to start again, baby.
You know what, High Law?
Camping.
You know what I mean?
Colorado is a good place to use that tent.
Yeah.
How much longer do you have on probation?
Didn't you get out in August?
We must be coming up the year anniversary.
You can apply after you've done
either a year or 50%
of your federal probation to get out.
So whenever that comes up,
I'll talk to the judge
and see if he'll let me out early.
So maybe soon,
maybe a year from soon.
Didn't you get out?
Are you going to move states
when that happens?
Yes, I'll be able to i will no
longer be travel restricted and a lot of the other restrictions will peel off as well when did you
get out kyle do you know out of prison no i don't know i remember i was in there for um
september 7th oh that's uh and i'm wrong it's like oct, wasn't it? Maybe it was August to October then.
I don't know why I'm so confident on August.
I know I was in there for like September 7th because I think that's like Memorial Day or Labor Day,
whichever one.
I'm not sure.
The first episode back was October 5th.
All right.
Then I got out October 4th, I think,
or maybe October 5th, actually.
Yeah, one or the other.
Then we upload two days later, though.
No, it would have gone up.
Never mind.
It doesn't matter.
So early October is a year.
Yeah, something like that, coming up on it.
One thing that gets me is that I feel like all around this process,
there haven't been enough fixed dates.
Oftentimes, you didn't know the day that you went in you didn't know the day of this you don't know
the day that probation ends you it's just this rough time periods like in the fall um for what
i'm missing this well you know it i i do know i just don't know you know what i mean like i
find out i just okay i see you know that
i just know that it's a thing that once you've done like 50 or a year or something like that
i've read the specifics before um you can appeal with the judge to you know get out early so i'm
gonna do that so we'll see how that goes where do you want to live colorado colorado for the skiing i love to ski yeah makes sense that's what they put you away
for right skiing yeah yeah it makes yep okay it's a really aggressive skier yeah he ran over kids
uh colorado be cool i don't know i was looking for houses in Asheville, North Carolina the other day.
I thought it would be a neat place to live.
Thinking about moving?
Four years.
Not seriously.
Just thinking about it.
I like Asheville.
I lived there.
I did my undergraduate in Asheville.
Oh, okay.
Then you do know the deal.
Yeah.
The place was great.
I had a lot of fun with that.
Yeah.
I would like to live.
It's beautiful.
A lot of hiking out there.
Where did you go? Did you go to Appalachian State? I did UNCA. Okay. great i had a lot of fun with that yeah i would like a lot of hiking out there climbing out there
did you go to appalachian state i did uh unca okay university of north carolina and nashville
yeah for my undergrad i wonder if they're open now i don't know yeah beautiful location though
i'd love to live in nashville again if i had a chance i had a lot of fun there yeah there's two
colleges there i guess right isn't app state nashville too or am i mixing that up isn't it the town over um okay we're right nearby black black mountain or
something it could be it could be i don't know but uh yeah it i think it might be north carolina's
best place to live so i just considered it that's all uh so uh, Taylor's not here.
We have to bring up new topics.
New stuff.
I'm dying to talk about this Kyle Rittenhouse guy.
Don't know this.
Tell me.
You don't know?
Okay.
Maybe I will when you tell me.
You're going to know half of this anyway.
So, Kyle, do you remember the name of the guy who was shot in the back seven times?
No.
Shucks.
All right.
So I hope I have my story right.
I'm doing my best.
I think two women fighting on a sidewalk.
Black guy in a car with three kids stops to break up this fight.
During the fight breaking up process, two police come.
And they're like questioning the dude who broke it up like
i don't know working with him or something he's having none of it and this is about when the
footage i saw starts so the other stuff i just heard about he's having none of it and the cops
are like trying to put cuffs on him he does that move where your arms are back and you kind of
wiggle away and like torpedo they try to taser him and that doesn't work. I'm making stuff up.
Maybe the barbs didn't get skin. They were in loose t-shirt or something like that,
but the tasering didn't work. And he is headed towards the driver's seat and he gets the car
door open. And that's when they shoot him. One guy, I think shoots him seven times in the back.
And that's when they shoot him.
One guy, I think, shoots him seven times in the back.
He's alive, but he's paralyzed.
And this has America's racial tensions, which are already kind of spiking right now, re-spiked.
It's a big problem. I follow the NBA a lot.
They wouldn't play.
The first team out there was like, we're not playing.
This is ridiculous.
We need to bring attention to this bad stuff that that's going on and then all the games get
canceled baseball games get canceled hockey keeps playing but they're they're canceled tonight um
and uh so this is you know directing even more attention on it etc
um and that's i guess a still thing. I'll weigh in on it.
The guy resisted.
He shook off the taser.
He kept going towards the driver's seat.
I don't know that there was a real win.
Ideally, they would have been able to wrestle him to the ground instead of shoot.
But if a guy's making a beeline for his car, I mean that, and resisting arrest like that,
it wasn't the worst shooting.
I thought,
um,
other people see it differently. And I don't know why there has to be seven shots that it,
I feel like,
like I need to watch it.
It was really not disabled after three.
Like it,
I know that if you decide to use deadly force,
you decide to really use deadly force.
They don't ever try to shoot the wound or aim for the knee or anything but uh the cop from him who shot
him super close how far away he was touching him yeah so uh yeah he was actually trying to like
hold him back and prevent him from getting to the driver's side door but the guy opened the
driver's side door and started going in i read there was a knife on the floorboard although
they couldn't have known that during the decision-making process,
but that's the kind of thing as a cop that you need to be concerned about.
There could have been a knife or a gun or some,
there's a weapon in the car.
Was he going for the weapon or was he trying to leave?
I don't know.
Some people claim he was going for the weapon because his body posture was
like lean forward.
Although if I was trying to hold you back by your shirt filthy that
might be a body posture you assume too what was he gonna do grab the knife with his teeth
he wasn't handcuffed oh okay yeah they weren't able to handcuff on his back he's trying to like
fight a knife and then no no he wasn't cuffed um and the police it seemed like in my impression
they were using like 60 effort effort to hold him back.
You know, they were like grabbing his shirt and he was walking on.
But like, Kyle, you can imagine that.
If I were to hold you by the shirt, I wouldn't prevent you from walking forward, right?
You really got to go for a tackle.
But they didn't do that.
They tried the taser.
It just didn't work.
And the guy gets to the door, door opens it and they shoot him all right
so that has everybody super duper upset and now there's protesting going on and it's i'm surprised
you guys haven't seen this because it's dominated my like internet today this guy kyle rittenhouse
drives from one or two states over to protect the property from the protesters and um it seems like property
which just property in general the random properties that were the they were burning
yes yeah he's like these the protesters are bad guys i'm a good guy and um in fairness like there's
this footage of him like um cleaning graffiti off of i don't know some sort of big concrete monument
maybe whatever it was you know he's out there scrubbing graffiti off and um he has his ar-15
with him he also has like a medic kit he's like i'm here to help people who maybe got hurt or
something but he's 17 years old uh i don't know if 17 year olds can even have AR-15s in that state. In North Carolina, you can't, but it's usually state by state.
So anyway, he's there and you can see like, I've seen like 12 minutes of footage of all
these different things that they put together that involve it.
There's this short bald guy who had like a plastic bag and I can't tell what's in it,
but it looked like it had like
clothes in it or something like that. And, uh, he's like aggressive and sort of looking for a
fight. This guy, Kyle, not really looking for a fight, but also drove two States over with his
gun. Right. He's like not looking for a fight, but ready for a fight maybe. uh and they they show these other guys anyway the dude with the bag
the video just like you don't really see what led up to it led up to it but he's chasing
the 17 year old with the rifle and he throws something at him i've heard it called a molotov
cocktail i've heard it called a fire bomb i've heard it called the plastic bag we saw in the
earlier video i don't know what he threw at
him but um kyle turns around one taps the guy in the head with this shoots the rifle kills the guy
i missed this really yes what i saw was the guy shooting well the guy shot at him with a pistol
first and then he shot that guy and then he goes to that guy's aid that he's shot and people start
attacking him and they throw something on fire at him and then they uh to that guy's aid that he's shot and people start attacking him and they throw
something on fire at him and then they uh he runs away from them and they tackle him to the ground
and a guy stands over him with a pistol to shoot him and he shoots that guy in the arm that's the
second incident yeah so um i think i'm right about the first part my description of it and you may
have missed it and then he's walking down the street.
And I think this is where we join our stories again.
People are yelling, he just shot a dude.
That guy just shot a dude.
And he had.
But now he's trying to sort of escape the area.
And I didn't know that someone had shot at him first with the pistol.
But Kyle saw that part.
But he's trying to get away he's
trying to leave the scene and the people are chasing him and i don't know if he trips or what
happens but maybe they push him over but now he's on his butt and people are coming at him he shoots
a guy in the chest another guy wants to hit him with the skateboard maybe he's the chest guy he
shoots another guy in the bicep apparently i didn't know that the He shoots another guy in the bicep. Apparently, I didn't know that
the dude who got shot in the bicep had a gun in his hand and he was going to shoot him first.
But he ends up wounding one and killing two, if I have the story right. And it's a real interesting
shooting to me. People are all over this thing. One guy is like this armed vigilante, or one side says this
armed vigilante traveled two states over looking to, you know, shoot protesters and did. The other
side says, this is a clear case of self-defense. You know, they were going to hit him with the
skateboard. There's the firebomb, which may or may not have been a firebomb. There's another
guy with a gun. I mean, this is all self-defense. And like, if you look at the final minutes leading up to it in isolation, like I took a
concealed carry course and they talked about when all the shoot and no shoot situations is something
they covered a ton for North Carolina. If you look at the last minute, it's definitely a shoot
situation. It's definitely a, he feared for his life, serious bodily harm, not rape, but that's the other one.
And it's like if a guy's going to swing a skateboard at your head, that's a shooting situation.
Now, you have what they call a duty to retreat.
You know, you're trying to leave the scene.
You can't just stand your ground at the gas station and say that he was going to hit me.
Like if you were able to leave the scene, you have to do that.
He tried that.
He was trying to leave the scene and that they closed that option off.
They chased him down.
He was, he had fallen onto his butt and they were still attacking him.
So his duty to retreat, according to me, was met.
But if you look at it holistically and see that a few hours later he drove a state
or two over to like put himself in this situation then it's like and it opens my eyes a little
farther and i'm like it makes it more complicated than it would if i just watched the final you
know three minutes of these guys lives and yeah the guy with the firebomb i guess okay was burning a car dealership down
at the time of the shooting that was his that's why he had that's why he had a firebomb he was
that he was there at a car dealership to burn it down it wasn't yeah it wasn't he just had a
firebomb and he was burning the car dealership down it's totally reasonable yeah it makes it
and i don't judge yours it was a registered firebomb all right all right
that was nick chamry was asking for it he was taking that firebomb home to his granny
she had asked him to go out shopping for firebombs and he was just bringing it back to her flaming
yeah and and he was attacked by this young man imagine if the angle was like we're bringing back
american auto manufacturing like every korean and japanese car
dealership yeah all right so he had a legitimate reason for having a fireball and i guess he had
a firebomb i feel like it's becoming a little more a little less questionable right you know
because i when i try to look at both sides they're like that's the plastic bag he threw it didn't look like a firebomb in the video to me and when he threw it the ground didn't
catch on fire but i don't know why he'd throw a bag of clothes at him like that's not like yeah
that's not a very effective weapon at all a bag of clothes is not what you want to bring to any
sort of multiplication but that's just what it looked like in the video from like whatever hours
earlier like that's what he was carrying around with him.
So I don't know.
Laundry war.
Laundry war.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So maybe it was a firebomb.
I feel like we're coming like 80% sure.
Taylor, didn't you say that one of the guys he shot was a child molester?
I saw something about that, that one of them was like, I don't know about child molester,
but like some sort of like previously arrested or charged with like.
Sex crime. Some sex crime with the minor that's that's an interesting i think one of them
was that and another one was a domestic abuser with a whole list of like assault and battery
doesn't know that that does how what infant i mean i guess you could say like you're saying
that those people are more likely to have been being violent because of their past history of
i think we're just looking at the fact that the that the mob of people attacking the person laying on the ground
were all already criminals yeah and filthy you're right he doesn't know that that to me is a little
more relevant in like a i don't know what he did know is they were attacking him already if if
there's a police situation oftentimes they're like know, turns out seven years earlier he was breaking and entering.
It's like, right, right, right.
I get that the guy wasn't a saint, but.
Turns out you shot him 37 times while he was sitting in his car asleep, though, officer.
Yeah, but he was stirring.
There's often this karma argument,
but in this case, it's almost not needed
because they were literally attacking the guy while he shot them.
They were in the process.
But Woody, he's white.
Everyone's white in this scenario.
On the second night, the first one,
the reason they were protesting in the first place, white cop, second night the the first one the reason they were
protesting in the first place white cop black guy trying to get into the car um but on the next
night all these protesters and and the shooter everyone in this is white i think okay i know
the skateboard the guy was trying to hit him with a skateboard he he's like a he looks like the kind
of guy who would try to hit you with a skateboard but oh too old he's like 32 years old and still a
skateboard hitter who charges a guy with a gun with a skateboard you ever play rock skateboard
ar-15 it only goes one way usually ah see i, see, I thought I was going to win with Rock there,
but you played AR-15 again, and I lost.
This time I got it.
This time I got it.
Damn it.
AR-15 again.
No match.
No match for the AR.
Am I allowed to do the AR-15 thing?
No.
No.
Just you?
Okay.
I hate this game.
I don't know why I keep playing it.
That's funny.
Yeah.
You can see the photo of the one guy with the Glock
that did that little fake surrender.
Is there a video footage of this, Woody?
Are we watching something?
I don't think we can watch it.
We couldn't watch it on YouTube because it's graphic,
but there's one.
There's a still shot going around
of the guy laying on the ground with his gun
and then one guy holding his hands up
as he's approaching him.
And if you watch the slow-mo thing the guy tries to do like a fake surrender and then reaches for his
gun and is coming around gun brandish towards the guy like pointing it at him and it's then that the
kid with the rifle shoots the guy with the gun in the arm and it's like if he hadn't shot him in the
arm he probably would have taken a cap right to the brain everyone in this situation thinks they're
the good guy right the guy who's shooting the kid on the ground that kid
just shot two people already you know he thinks he's ending a serial killer the guy on the ground
feels like he's defending himself but he did come from two states over to start defending himself
in a mob right so that argument's not that compelling to me because it's's like, does he have less right to be there than any rioter?
Yeah, we wouldn't say that about all those people.
He's there to protect property, right?
What about all the people who drove states and states
to join Martin Luther King in his peaceful marches?
Nobody ever said, well, yeah, we beat all those black people bloody
and sick the dogs on them, but you know they're from Illinois, right?
It just doesn't make sense.
You know how many states they came to get to Alabama to express their rights?
You can say it's a bad idea to do that without, I think, resorting to the whole,
you know, oh, we had no business being over there.
It's like, well, no, like anyone has a right to go to those things
if they want i see i see your point well not me but if you're going you might want to bring a gun
it seems just don't go don't go to these things don't go to the riots oh why would you put yourself
in that position i and i i usually resist the whole what were the parents thinking argument
but he's 17 your kids go kids taking an ar-15 to the
riots what were they thinking they i don't know he's a pretty good shot
they lost a lot of say in it when they gave him the ar-15
you know after that he made a lot of i just imagine you literally saying that to his parents
in the middle like have you seen the video that's some good shooting
my boy can lay him down jesus yeah definitely uh just just advise everyone don't go to the riots
it's not gonna there's no nothing to gain unless like you're gonna loot and even then don't well
there's a lot to gain purchase things yeah tay. There's all sorts of free shit at riots.
I can't think of any public gathering
where there's more to gain, Frank.
Don't be a thief and don't go to riots.
What if I just fly around on a paramotor?
Would that be cool?
Oh, that'd be smart.
12 feet up, look at a room.
Are you real fast on a paramotor?
It's the Nightwing!
You're kind of like a floating,
like hovering target.
And like, how have you painted it?
Concentric circles?
I'd love it if the Nightwing showed up at the riots to fight crime.
My cape's stuck in the prop.
I go down.
I really didn't think this through.
Day two, you're like, Jackie, I don't think I can run the cape anymore.
They're all laughing at the cape.
They hate the ears.
That would be a good Steve-O thing.
It's, I'm Steve-O, and this is where MAGA had it, a riot.
Steve-O unfortunately passed away.
Yeah, you wouldn't even do that.
There's nothing to gain by going to those terrible
situations all sorts of badness happened none of these people have to be dead um i i don't know
yeah yeah i mean there's no way i would go to those things i don't like public gatherings to
begin with but i'm certainly not going to go to one where burning cars and murdering people seems to be kind of
normal.
Yeah, not good.
I'm not a gun guy. Tell me what
an AR-15 is. It's a semi-automatic
military-style
rifle.
Quite a long, big, large rifle.
Yeah, it could be
short and compact. The thing is,
it's like you asked me, explain what a is it's like it's like it's like you
asked me explain what a honda civic looks like exactly and i'm like well it really depends on
the owner yeah you can get pretty ugly it can get pretty ridiculous or it can be just real plain
jane his was pretty plain jane it's m16 from call of duty it looks like that uh but but his is fairly plain jane for uh
for what it is he's got a stock on it and uh like a little hollow sight and 30 round p mag in it
but he's got a standard four end and i don't know if he's got a muzzle device of any kind
my facebook feed was making fun of his budget ar really that's that's what they were i mean
it was more like you punks got beat by a budget ar was
the line they were taking i mean he's got like he's got a decent red dot on a budget he's got
he's got over a grand in this bad boy 17 that's a perfectly respectable 17 year olds ar yeah he's
got a nice stock on it yeah i mean clearly it's not as you know he had a 16 year old ar he's upgraded this
is this is one above when he gets to 18 or 19 he's gonna have a fucking imagine when he was
nine or ten years old there was no red dot at all and he's been working and saving
probably those are expensive that's like a 600 optic he's maybe dad bought him like the the
base core ar set and he's been adding the amenities to it you could do that that's the
cool thing about ARs.
You know,
you could,
you could literally like,
but that would be a cool thing to like buy the kid,
like the lower.
And then like,
he's got to earn like each additional piece,
but like a summer job or something,
because it'd take forever.
And,
and they're so like modular that like,
you can literally start with like the little bitty piece and then you've got
to,
if you get some A in history, the stock comes in, a magazine rolls in.
I just know that slide fire stock that I'm not supposed to have.
Slide that on if you can pass Jim this year.
I don't know.
I feel like when I do things, when I get invested in some often physical type of thing,
I like being that physical.
often physical type of thing i like being that physical right like and this is always something i was a little curious about with like like um like mixed martial arts or something because i
started training that once or twice before which was like i don't know that ultimately i want that
feeling of you know of that situation of like i want to use it i fucking spent the time training
it figuring it out learning it putting the time in part of me wants to use it i fucking spent the time training it figuring it out learning it putting the time
in part of me wants to use it and i don't know is there any of that going on with the gun stuff like
for some people look there's a lot of the gun culture is is wide and varied right like i always
thought it was real silly the guys who dress up and all the crazy gear and stuff and that like
they're in a fucking SWAT team i've always thought that was real silly and that's some little dick syndrome shit but i never wanted to shoot anybody you know like like
i i want for for like that outlet as far as guns like hunting and and stuff like that was there
you know we'd go shoot pigs and that was a lot more fun. You know, I would imagine it wasn't that I wanted to shoot someone,
but there is kind of a feeling of like,
I don't know.
Invulnerability is the right word,
but if you have a gun in your pocket,
safety,
all of a sudden,
like you're the toughest guy in this convenience store.
You know,
if things would have pop off,
you're the one with a gun and it's not that you're hoping it pops off or
anything,
but I, I don't know. It's, pop off you're the one with a gun and it's not that you're hoping it pops off or anything but i
i don't know it's i think you're just that one side of the feeling of security there
it's like having a life raft while you're going boating or or like having you know any number of
safety precautions like having a fire extinguisher under the say under the sink you know you you
just feel a little bit safer if that thing happens.
If I had to shoot someone to protect my child, wife, loved one, property, whatever it is, could I do it?
Have you ever had that thought?
Sure.
Yeah, I think I could.
I don't think it'd be a big problem. But with the adrenaline, once it gets going, I feel like I'm great at paintball.
There's some level of like gun culture.
Maybe it's the courses I've taken and things like that where they're like, if you're in the right shooting can get you in a lot of trouble even if things go
wildly well for you the attorney's cost like it's a big problem and they like there are plenty of
people who tell you how to talk to the police or something if you've been in a shooting like the
only words you can say are i feared for my life i need an attorney like like that's it say nothing else
but those things or there's something close to that and uh so i never daydreamed of shooting
anyone i never wanted that a halfway because there is no shooting where that ends well right
there's no shooting where you're like huh you know what that's better than what i was gonna do tonight sometimes it goes what you just said woody you just said the legal hassle of shooting
someone would be a lot of work yeah yeah yeah okay but in a lot of money it's like i don't know like
let's if you were to get in trouble for i don't know and i'm lacking words but yeah i i know you
where you're headed on that like well the legal problem of shooting is a lot of work.
That's your concern.
Yeah.
But if that guy...
Killing a bad guy isn't a big concern for me.
Right?
If this guy's already broken into my home,
I'm feeling pretty justified, really.
But it's still...
He's like, I have problems even if this went well.
I don't think... The cows says it can, but they sort of taught us,
they could be wrong, that even if it goes great,
even if the guy clearly broke in your house
and had a knife at your daughter's head
and you hit him right in the forehead and everything went,
that you still have a court case.
And you still have to win it.
I guess that's not true.
I'm wondering if this could,
maybe I went too extreme in my example.
Well,
like in a lot of cases,
if,
if it's,
it's going to come down to like the local law enforcement guy,
right?
The sheriff's going to make a decision in many cases.
And if the sheriff says,
yeah,
it's justified.
And that's fucking case closed in many situations,
unless there's a big media stink and the States and the state picks it up or the feds pick it up for some reason here's an example that wasn't
clean so um if someone breaks into your house if someone's in the act of breaking into your house
in north carolina that was a shoot it's a little easier now with the castle doctrine but um dude
staying uh at his girlfriend's house bad guy busts through the window right breaks the window enters the house through a
broken window as he's approaching them and they're in their bed boyfriend pulls the gun out of the
nightstand shoots the bad guy and he had to go to court because it wasn't his house he was staying
over hers and they're like you know he had a duty to retreat. He should have left. And he should have left.
It's not his house because you get certain extra rights if you're in your house.
But since he was staying over hers and gun people are like, what?
Should have left.
Maybe tie a bow on your girlfriend and then leave.
You know, give it to the bad guy.
Right.
And but he had to go to court and he did win, but he had to win.
I told you you should
have put me on the lease yeah so they they use that as an example that was actually from my
concealed carry course as like you know if you do have to shoot it's gonna suck
yes things that seemed clear-cut to us weren't clear-cut to everyone yeah i guess i'm a little dubious of a 17 year old picking up an
assault rifle so an ar whatever this rifle is essentially building this buying building
component wise this rifle driving two states over to be part of a activity where he ends up having
to use that assault rifle it feels a bit it sounds a bit like someone walking around looking for a
fight well forget forget like if he wants
to kill someone or hurt someone or is the vigilante he's maybe not punishing anything
it looks like a bit of bravado and the wanting to kind of throw down on something right and
i don't know like i i can just i don't know that i would i could see that temptation right like
i have a gun some assholes in my fucking house breaking in i'm gonna shoot
his dumb ass for this right i could see that and a part of me being wondering like could i do it
would i do it like a part of me wondering about that just have the tools what do you what are
you buying those tools for investing in this training for if you're not willing to do that
and i don't know like without without the knowledge of that i just i just wonder at his motivation
i see both sides oh i'm I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah.
If you look at the last minute,
it seems like a very good case of clear shooting,
a good shooting to me.
You know,
if a guy is swinging a skateboard at your head and you've already tried to
retreat and you get them in the,
in the mid swing,
good shooting,
bro.
That's what,
that's what the second amendment is for defending yourself.
But if you take it in the context of the whole day with this guy came two
States over and stuff, then it gets much more foggy for me but not for taylor i guess
taylor feels like that's not compelling he had every right to be there well no it's just the
whole two states over argument like like it's totally different from saying like yeah he
shouldn't have gone there that was a bad idea like you shouldn't put yourself in harm's way
like this that was stupid you know you're right with the parent thing his parents should have been like no do you not see the twitter
clips do you not see what's going on out there do you not see the burning buildings and the
violence the assaults the nonsense don't go but the whole like he drove two states over it's like
oh okay so now people can't travel and go to protests or whatever like that to his mind
it speaks to what he's thinking about though right like if this were on his street there's the added
now thing of he was just at fucking home you know like what does that mean yeah right like it's a
different thing if it's like if it spontaneously happens in his normal routine and this happens to
him it's a different thing than if he has gone out of his way to go to a situation where this
is more likely to happen i was pretty clear cut with that missouri couple that stood in front of
their yard.
There are a couple of things they could have done better for optics, you know, hold the gun properly, stop muzzle sweeping everyone.
But but the general idea of I'm standing in my front yard.
Don't mess with this place.
Yeah.
You know, that's the Second Amendment, you know, I'm kind of for that.
That's fine.
You just watch them break down the wrought iron door that's supposed to keep people out of your private neighborhood.
Of course you're afraid.
Right.
And it turns out they were on private property.
They weren't just people on that public street walking by.
No, this is already your private area.
And you just like, you need to stay this far away.
I don't love it, but I don't hate it either.
They're allowed to defend your own house.
Yeah.
This guy, not an exact parallel you know he was defending himself but only after he put himself
in the middle of a mob yeah and it's really it's really gray like without seeing more of it it's
really hard to pass judgment on that past the fact that as you say like both sides you're right
you're taking the moment someone's threatening your life and that and you shoot that person to kill that person yeah absolutely if you just take that one
clip of it but what did you do to that person what what led into that how did you get in that
situation all this is relevant to some degree so yeah we'll see how the court treats it you know
and now and i wonder if the ramifications of that decision will weigh into the decision, right?
Like Rodney King, most people too young, but Rodney King riots didn't happen because Rodney King got beaten.
Rodney King riots happened because the police were found not guilty, right?
They clearly were guilty.
There's six of them beat the fuck out of a guy until he was like mentally damaged and bruised and just trashed.
They were taking out their frustrations on a near lifeless body.
And the court ruled that was OK.
That is when those riots happened.
If this guy in either direction, you could find him guilty or not guilty.
And it's someone's going to be very upset with how this goes.
you could find him guilty or not guilty.
And I,
it's,
someone's going to be very upset with how this goes.
Yeah. If he's found innocent of like the,
I think I saw somewhere they're doing that thing where they really overbite it,
like take a too big of a bite out with like,
Oh,
first degree murder.
It's like,
well,
you're not going to get that.
That doesn't seem very likely at all.
So I don't think they'll get them for that.
And that'll probably be enough on its own that people will start rioting and
burning things
and you know it seems to be a pattern
hmm
we'll see yeah or or if
they do lock them up there's a whole other group of people
that will be upset
you know if he gets
I forget which side you just said but anyway
in either case there's going to be one side
of the other who's not happy
so yeah uh yeah the
dude wanted to be a cop he was like blue lives man this is an interesting thing nowadays right
like you do something and they go to your social media and find out who you were you know all the
things you've said for the last 18 months people just type their feelings online all the time so
now i can go to your instagram and Facebook feed and etc. and find out
a little bit about you. Which groups
you were members of.
All the Blue Lives Matter flags you've
posted and stuff like that. I think he was part
of some like, he's young
so he can't be a cop, but you know
pre-cop cadet
fantasy group type thing that he
had.
We're watching midi midi
anyway yeah i thought the top it's been dominating my not just my internet lately
but kind of my mind like shit went down in a really big way and um this one is gray so it
is this gonna get better how long like these like big riots and everything like this
has been going on for a while when's the last time this stuff is stretched out this long like
people like burning shit i have a fan i like it too like free stuff and burning but i like
watching it so you know keep it up keep it up on TV. Look, not much on TV these days. The movie industry seems to be dying.
So keep burning shit.
Keep shooting up with dudes.
Yeah, it's kind of depressing to watch.
I like the way Taylor said, like, is this going to get better?
What are we doing here?
Yeah, I think it will.
They'll burn bigger things.
Yeah, that's Kyle's direction.
He's like, eventually they'll move on to even larger structures.
It'll get better when these riots happen in the Skylake direction. It's like, eventually they'll move on to even larger structures. It'll get better when these riots
happen in more flammable places.
The flamethrowers got
hammered. It's a dry summer.
Dry summer.
Yeah, I don't care.
I don't care. Really?
No, I don't care. It doesn't affect me.
I don't care at all. It's like the stability
of our nation. It affects all of us. Nah, it doesn't. me i don't care well it's it's like the stability of our nation like it affects all of us no i don't what what's the biggest impact it's had on your life
raleigh got wrecked but how did that impact your life well i went down there and i had to see it
oh so you got a little entertainment for free
it uh it hit close to home that's all like so i didn't go down there
to see it i went down there for other reasons i'm in the city not too close though are you to
shot him it was uh in the daytime like two days later and like all these windows were broken all
this stuff was like roughed up and it was like fuck they just i don't know rampaged for did you
see they had that couple that defended
their home from the
mob speak at the RNC?
Yes.
You know what? They looked
a lot thinner in the still.
They look better.
She really did some camera tricks because
I think she knew that clip of her out front
of her house, not flattering
at all. Wouldn't have been surprised if she went on a bit of a front of her house. Not flattering at all.
I wouldn't have been surprised if we,
she went on a bit of a crash diet leading up to that RNC thing.
I would have been a little stressful if I had to speak at the RNC.
I go two weeks without food.
You lose weight.
Yeah.
I just want to show up there. We can go on to those angular cheekbones.
Yeah.
I get that shit.
We're good. She suddenly would love that. You're up there. Likeunt to those angular cheekbones. Get that shit work, dude.
Chase Utley would love that.
Here's up there like, I look great,
I just don't know what to say.
I don't know what... Passing out of there.
It's going to be a fun election year.
It's going to be a fun election year.
Can you imagine the riots if Trump wins?
Oh my god.
It's going to go... Or loses? Nah, there's not going to be a fun election year. Can you imagine the riots if Trump wins? Oh my God. It's going to go.
Or loses?
I would be very.
No, there's not going to be riots if Trump loses.
Yeah, those people don't riot.
They do.
They're going to bring out their guns.
They're going to march.
And burn down.
They'll march.
But then, you know, they don't burn things.
Or shoot people that don't start things with them.
My prediction is that Biden's going to win big.
I don't think Trump has much of a chance at this point.
But if Trump does win, yeah, it will be another pub just fucking freak out.
There will be a freak out if Trump wins.
In either case, I feel like both sides are primed not to believe the election results.
Oh, we could slide right into martial law.
Yeah, I'm with you on that, Woody.
That's a fucked up place to be.
Both sides are primed not to believe the election results.
So that's a challenge right there.
I would have said Joe Biden was going to kill it if he talked to me three weeks ago.
But the gap's closing a little bit.
I feel like, you you know with the last
time the democrats had about two or three percent more votes and still lost so to have like an eight
percent national advantage right now doesn't feel that safe um and uh and it's trending like
coronavirus is sort of wrapping up right is that really going to be a huge issue in november that's
hurting him so much wrapping up i just mean the cases are in the decline.
And the deaths are on the decline.
If that pattern doesn't change, then by November, I don't know.
It's a shitty thing that happened last summer.
Maybe not the defining issue of the election like it is now.
Yeah, I don't care.
I don't care who wins anymore.
I just want entertainment
well then you want trump he's funnier you're probably on the burn everything
camp it sounds like not everything i don't want the things to burn but if they're on fire i'm
gonna watch what did you say what do we need to protect what would we come out to actually
protect what what what what would i come out to protect my car for one like
nothing that i don't fucking own i'm not gonna come protect your shit if they're burning it
down leave my shit alone it's not like i can do much to protect it anyway i'm gonna go out there
and get beaten to death by a mob yeah i'm not going out there to protect somebody else's shit
that's dangerous he's got blow darts. This kind of hurts for a second.
It's not real effective.
He's got a goddamn blow gun.
Yeah, that's not happening. But, you know, I'm enjoying the civil unrest.
I'm enjoying the little clips I get to watch on LiveLeak and stuff like that.
This last shooting was very entertaining.
That was crazy.
I've never seen anybody.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's on his back and the guys are trying to kill him and he shoots him with a fucking AR-15.
That's crazy.
And the shots, if I have it right, he hit the head shot on the first guy.
That was the part that Kyle didn't see.
A chest shot on the next guy where he's like sitting
down in the street and then
a bicep shot of the arm
that held the gun on the next
guy. This guy's Batman.
Dude, like the bicep shot
might be better than a chest shot in the situation
where there's a gun in that arm. He shot the gun
out of his hand.
The cops watching that clip
are like, I could have done that too
this is making me feel insecure about shooting i imagine like the police detective sitting him
down in that that scary questioning room and like look cards on the table son this is serious
business how'd you get so good because because look i i tried weaver stance and then i went to isosceles and
i do a lot of combat shooting but god damn it i whenever i'm gunning one of those
guys down i shoot 20 30 times i'm reloading it how'd you do it how sentence has been commuted
to 400 hours of police marksmanship training. They're going to teach him how to
handle his weapon safely? No, no.
He'll be instructing the class.
Before you know it, you've got cops
like parkouring around.
Doing rolls.
Yeah.
Did you see the thing that Nancy Pelosi
is now trying to discourage
the idea of a debate? I did see that and I hate i hate it yeah they're gonna ride that wave i'm telling you
they do not want biden out front they want kamala out front i i hate the whole idea of it there's
supposed to be debates you're supposed to debate it's a good chance to see the president biden is
winning by hiding in his bunker and they're just like how can we hide deeper no
no bro like look i'm not faulting you for a strategy that's working but you can't ride that
all the way to november you do have to come out and do three debates and they agreed to three
debates and uh for biden's credit they asked him about it and he's like not we're gonna do three
debates i want to do it um so it's just pelosi talking but i'm also like are nah, we're going to do three debates. I want to do it. So it's just Pelosi talking.
But I'm also like, are we sure they're not in cahoots?
Is she not just priming the people to start thinking that this is normalized, not to have debates and such?
Does he know who he's debating?
Trump, in kind of a backhanded compliment, he's like, Biden was so terrible that he came out of the DNC and crushed that speech.
It was so good.
He's got to be on drugs.
I want drug testing for the debates.
I want a drug test for the debates.
Well, hang on a minute.
We don't want.
Maybe if they just test Biden.
What's Trump going to come back positive for?
KFC?
Fucking stimulants.
You know?
Stimulants.
He's on that fucking cold medicine.
Are you kidding? He's way too fat for stimulants you know he's on that fucking cold medicine yeah are you kidding
he's way too fat for stimulants that no it's dude it shows up every so there's a photo of him in the
oval office with like boxes and boxes of stimulants in one of his like desk drawers and stuff i have
a problem thinner taylor are you telling me there's a weight loss drug that I don't know what stimulant makes me
lose weight pretty much every single stimulant is going to be an appetite suppressant so I'm
saying like can you just trump these over the counter Trump has a shocking body if he's
he's or a shocking appetite that he overcomes adversity yeah he'd be even bigger if he didn't
take those two I would be the size of the house if he didn't
give me those bills yeah he he's pretty he's pretty fucking fat better than biden yeah both
at the age where it doesn't matter if you're fat just one random saturday something's gonna happen
i waited until the day biden made his acceptance speech to pay Kyle.
Cause I was still hoping he wouldn't get the nomination.
I think I was actually a day or two late.
Like they,
uh,
delegates said it.
That's when I should have paid.
But yep.
Um,
it ain't,
it was a big plan in his bubble.
I took that money,
I took that money,
pumped it right into only fans.
That makes me pleased.
I went to a good cause.
Dude, OnlyFans is an interesting thing.
It has turned the porn industry upside down.
They were talking to Mia Khalifa.
I just thought of that literally.
Anyway, sorry.
Go on.
Mia Khalifa did like 11 videos or something like that and made $11,000.
She's lying about that. But I saw the same video you saw.000. She's lying about that. But, but I, I know I saw the same video you saw and she,
she is lying about that.
But the point is still there that those mainstream porn stars make very little
money doing stuff they don't necessarily want to do.
They're not directing,
they're just acting.
Whereas you've got these girls on only fans making tens of thousands of
dollars a month doing exactly what they want.
Yes.
Yeah. And, um, I think me, a cleifa actually makes a lot of money on only fans now too i'm not sure if i have that right
but uh the model has changed only fans is it's not a little like youtube where they're getting
paid a percentage on advertising but they're also getting direct donations and uh now porn stars are
making bucks tens of thousands a month good good so they you know
there's like a monthly subscription fee that you're that you're paying and it varies a lot
um like uh loomies uh is 12.50 a month to get on board how many months are you into that one
i i just bought it like the day before yesterday honestly um and uh as soon as the paypal
went through as soon as the paypal went through and uh and um you know it's 12 50 and it unlocks
all the photos that she's ever put on here and all the videos and stuff and and then i but but
then some of them are censored i i don't feel like i can't show it's not x-rated or anything or i
would show it but like there's this picture here of her like i was dancing around my room listening to music but stop to take this progression pick
for you i guess she's getting in shape and it's like a side angle view of her butt and then she's
pulling her shirt up over her boobs and she's got her boob blurred out and i was like oh well that's
kind of lame you know i didn't pay 12 for blurbs paying $12.50 and I don't get the boob.
And then today I look and she's private messaged me.
Not me in particular.
I'm sure she private messages all of her.
Hey, cutie.
Thanks for signing up again.
Yeah.
What was the exact message?
Let me get the exact message.
You nailed it.
It's A insert name here.
Just a shout out to my favorite a pig
exactly exactly she says uh if you didn't get a chance to see this is the sweaty workout pick
on oh wait oh okay she says if you if you didn't get a chance to see this is the sweaty workout
picture uncensored showing my perky nipple and then there's like three uh like emote faces of like like the blushing face going
and uh comments like under her sweaty pics like clean yourself up you whore
if i wanted to lose my 12 and 50 cents i could do that and then and then after that she says if
or if you want to see the uncropped workout photo from the side showing my nipple instead, and there's two of those faces.
And then right next to that, it says unlock for $35.
It's like, I got to ask how good are the pictures?
I'm not paying that.
I'm not doing that.
It's literally $35 per nipple to get those bad boys unlocked and i said
and i'd already seen one because someone like like screen grabbed it and then sent it to me
on uh on discord and and was it a 35 nipple of course it was it a guy's nipple or a girl's nipple
how dare you were you bamboozled did one of the patrons we were talking
about this before the show i i feel like it's almost like inappropriate to even discuss that
um but but looks like a lady to me people just memeing on you i think yeah i think so too um and
look like i said before the show if that is if that person was born uh male uh with male genitalia that's pretty man it's pretty man pretty man and indeed
without a doubt but so it it's still weird to me that like a woman in her underwear from the front
there's there's a you know a package there that you can see through describe it thoroughly like a camel's toe and uh but yeah but but very dry like the
sahara a little bench beer callback so you know when you touch it it sounds like a straw on the
drink lid um but she never shows that view and i feel like if I had been accused of being, you know, the sex I wasn't portraying myself as 150,000 times like she has, then I might be like, check out my camel toe.
You know, if I didn't want to show a full on show bottomless picks, I could sort of, you know, end this controversy.
I feel you.
I feel you.
It's always keeping people in the OnlyFans
for, right? There's got to be that little
carrot on the stick.
See, that's the
Belle Delphine method.
Now, I refuse to pay for Belle Delphine's
OnlyFans because
there is...
Absolutely not.
No, no. That is
because there is a little subreddit that i'd like to share
with everyone um my one of my that's called bell delphine patreon where man this is like
all of her pictures like in case you don't know it are like censored to some degree she doesn't show
like like you've never seen her vagina or her nipples you
just see like glimpses like a pixel of a nipple between a finger like maybe and these guys like
zoom in and they're like look at those pixels boys and they all freak out but but like very
recently like literally yeah oh that's a fake picture um yes there's one here sometimes they
yeah because it's like her full vagina
and butthole and like her whole thing is like like she spreads her legs but like perfectly covers
like the the one square inch that you actually want to see um but yeah the bell delphine patreon
subreddit has all of her pictures that these guys are paying for but they have them here on reddit for your
viewing pleasure the whole um like why would people keep subscribing so you don't show them
what they want to see do you remember when clara baby legs first started doing like chatterbait
stuff so clara baby legs youtuber she was um girlfriend of basher basher verse you remember this guy
he was a minecraft youtuber his whole audience was kind of a little weird his whole audience
was you know minecraft kids right like very young ones um but he and his girlfriend were
kind of kinky and uh uh his channel evolved from minecraft to like i don't know watch me pour
flour on my naked girlfriend prank which was a little dirty and uh anyway eventually they
she started dry chatterbait type stuff and uh she would like just progressively show more and more and more but never what she
wanted to see it took her ages to show her pussy she's there masturbating with a hitachi over her
panties in her private shows and uh people would just come against she made so much more money than
she would have had she just given the goods out of the yeah her uh her only fans is 14.99
she still does it cl Claire Babylegs?
Oh, yeah.
This is like shopping for wine, Kyle.
You have a range that you'd normally go with
and a couple maybe on the high end of that,
and then there's a few on the low end
for a real drunk night kind of deal.
I'm almost certainly not going to renew this $12.50
that I spent the other day,
but I just wanted to look,
and it was worth my $12 to see what was going on over there.
Do you have to make an account
to even gawk around on this site? I'm not doing that.
Just sign in with your
whatever account you're logged into
already. Just link it to your Twitch account.
On OnlyFans? Yeah.
I'm there now too.
You don't have an email account that you're
logged into?
I guess not. Okay.
You're going to have to pay to see anything.
You have to pay to see anything. You have to pay to see anything.
You can probably see thumbnails.
You can see their profile picture, whatever that is.
Like your YouTube channel picture.
That, essentially. You can see that.
Did you kind of run out of content on Pornhub?
No, no. A long time ago.
You know, there's just not enough porn out there, Filthy,
and they're not making it at the rate in which I consume it.
Gotcha.
That makes more sense.
No, I like –
Like you're ahead of the curve.
I like Lumina.
I was curious.
I liked watching her PUBG stuff.
But I was just curious like what was going on there.
And this girl I know in real life has an OnlyFans,
so I was going ahead and jumping on board for her you know support a little support
that's right yeah a little bit more content creator I support content creators that's right
absolutely that's right just sub to my channel there you go 15 months in a row yeah yeah and so
wait go ahead and yeah supporting content creators and I want to see what was going on over there
because I've I've honestly had never been on only fans before i'd obviously heard about it but i wanted
to see what was going on especially on hers to see what was happening yes and it turned out to
be a great disappointment right it's been a bit of a disappointment i would say i i would i'd give
it but is this on you perhaps kyle because this sounds a little bit like you went somewhere,
it's expensive location, like you came in with like $100
and you needed like $500 to play the game, right?
It sounds like she wants $30 for something you're paying $12 for.
Yeah, I'm not paying $35 per nipple.
That's just not happening.
Yeah, that's absurd.
So real quick before we jump on to the next thing,
got a couple of wonderful sponsors.
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There you go.
Perfect.
All those things are good.
Wrapped them all up together.
So, here we go.
Well, we lost half the show, didn't we?
Not really.
Not really.
Piece of shit. I'm looking through these AMA questions.
I know Chiz was saying we need to get through some of these,
but no,
we should,
we should wait for what he,
for those.
We should definitely wait.
Okay.
I bought this new service called shutter through prime video.
It's like,
you have shutter. Yeah. So I just added it for the Shudder through Prime Video. I've got it. You have Shudder?
Yeah.
So I just added it for the free seven-day thing last night
because I wanted to watch one of those.
There is nothing between the absolute worst horror on there
and then one in 20 movies will be like,
this is pretty fucking good horror.
But for the most part, it's like,
I watched one called Cannibal farm and it was just so
retarded i love bad horror though so it being retarded isn't that bad have are you gonna keep
shutter because i don't think i am at this point it's it hasn't it hasn't won me over they don't
have enough not enough of a content library of horror films otherwise i think for sure there's
just so much shit horror on there that that i i do need to unsubscribe from it i i need to figure
out how because i've probably been subbed for
three or four months or something like that.
The Void is really good if you want to
watch that. It's on there. It's
The Void. It's a little low
budget, but you don't notice it.
It's sort of...
Yeah, it's Lovecraftian horror.
It's definitely
got that going on.
Is it actually scary or is it more of like a sci-fi
thriller kind of thing that's what it's not sci-fi it's uh it's more like a body horror
and uh the occult oh okay maybe i'll check that out i'll probably watch i think it's good it was
entertaining you know not oh i wanted to talk i'll wait till what he gets back but i got our
next topic i want to talk about um that uh till Woody gets back, but I got our next topic. I want to talk about that young lady who's a member of our $50 patron club and the movie that she shared with me the other day.
Oh, yes. You tease that before the show. It doesn't even sound like you're telling the truth about what that movie is about.
Exactly. The premise of the movie is so bonkers that Taylor was like, well, that's not a real thing.
The premise of the movie is so bonkers that Taylor was like,
well, that's not a real thing.
But yeah.
You didn't even give us the title.
I didn't even want to look it up.
This is an interesting film. Let me find the title again because I have already forgotten it.
We're talking about Shudder Filthy.
It's like the S-H-U-D-D-E-R.
It's this new service on Amazon.
It's strictly horror films and horror series.
Once they flesh that out
and build a bigger content library,
I could see myself paying the same amount as Netflix.
I would replace Netflix with that. Half the shit I watch on
Netflix is shitty horror movies or shitty
thrillers that I like. Just mindless nonsense.
I've never gotten into that.
My brother's a big horror fan and I just
never really found that genre that grabbed me.
I hate jump scares. Fucking hate them. Physi, and I just never really found that genre that grabbed me. I hate jump scares.
I fucking hate them.
Physiologically, I just don't like the feeling of a jump scare.
It just annoys the piss out of me.
I prefer psychological to fear.
Have you seen Witch or The Witch, maybe?
Is that the one with the bitch?
Like two Vs in it?
Yeah.
I've watched that.
That one's quite good. I don't know exactly what year it is, but think like 1500, 1600, something like that. Pre-colonial America. And this father, his wife, and maybe three kids sort of leave the village. They're being cast out of the village for his religious beliefs.
and it seems that he's even more religious than they are.
It's not that he's evil or anything,
and living out on a remote farm by themselves,
they have some issues with a witch,
and I thought it was pretty good.
I thought it was pretty good.
There's some satanic stuff going on.
It's definitely more.
There's a couple jump scares, but they don't rely on that.
Very few jump scares. I run into, like, there's a couple things I don't love either way right i watched a hostile a million years ago right yeah that's like that's
body horror right so yeah torture porn exactly the body horror where it's like you're getting
like zoomed in shit of people's achilles tendons being cut and shit like that and i'm just like
i don't like i don't want to watch this like that i don't like that stuff i don't particularly like
jump scares either because it's like i get my body reacts real strong to jump scares.
I get the real hard, like, hard acceleration, adrenaline rush.
And I just don't fucking like it.
I'm like, it annoys me that.
Like, predictable, almost.
Where, like, if I'm watching a horror movie, I want to be spooked psychologically.
Where I'm like, oh, man, this is genuinely creepy.
It's giving me a, oh, I saw that character in the back.
I got a little, that, you know, I don't even
know what that's called. Hereditary is good for that.
Where you just get a chill. But the jump
scares, when you do get a jump scare,
it's like,
what the fuck? Now I know
that there's not going to be a jump scare for a while.
Like, you crested
your kind of apex there, and now you blew your wad, and we're going back down again. Whereas if there's not going to be a jump scare for a while. Like you, you, you crested your kind of apex there and now you blew your,
your wad and we're going back down again.
Whereas if there's a high stress,
I don't know.
High stress level of like that.
That's what you want in a horror movie.
You don't want it to be,
Oh no,
there's a ghost now.
And it's like,
Oh,
okay,
awesome.
So now I know there's going to be what?
Eight more minutes until there's another guy standing behind the pantry when he gets an
apple or something.
I watched some horror movie as a kid out of the cinema i don't remember what the fuck it which one it was
but it was um there wasn't the the site the uh supernatural villain in it was some like doctor
like haunted doctor or some whatever right but the way they filmed them he didn't move fluidly
he didn't move like a human being move didn't walk walk. It was kind of like jolting, like cuts almost as he moved.
Oh, yeah. That sounds Japanese.
Like the red girl?
Yeah.
And I thought that was really,
the first time I encountered that, I'm like,
that was scary in the moment to me.
And it also wasn't a fucking jump scare.
And it stuck with me as something.
Because, yeah, they really captured that
not quite human feel of it, right?
With that cinematography,
which I thought was pretty fucking good.
I don't mind some jump scares. I just don't want them to rely on the jump scares because i love
the exorcist the exorcist has jump scares though like there's a scene where uh the mother goes up
in the attic to see what all the noise is up there and the the guy's telling her it's not rats and
she's got a uh candle is it called a candelabra the thing that holds like multiple cam and she's like trying to
see what's going on and all of a sudden the candles all ignite like gas lanterns like like
like get really big and it's it's a jump scare but there's not a ton of jump scares they don't
use it like a crutch no exactly exactly that um you know there's a lot of the extras the exorcist
is probably my favorite horror movie.
I really like The Conjuring.
I really like The Descent, the first one with the girls who go spelunking.
That's a good one.
That's a really good one for me.
But this movie, this girl just recently recommended.
I can't believe I watched it.
I shouldn't have watched it.
It is – I'll wait for Woody.
I'm excited to get your recap this was like a one phrase thing
no don't give any hints but wait for it because the little hint he gave me was enough to get my
wheels turning i don't like being manipulated by movies right like i know the whole fucking
genre like the whole thing about movies is this is a new genre new genre okay you've never seen
a movie like this between horror and sex that's what i'm getting
but those are the two things we've talked about tonight so it's gotta be in there there is
horrific sex in it i will say that i think my favorite horror movie of all time is the thing
oh yeah that's right up there with me too i love the thing um i like all i like i'll take that back
i don't like all john carpenter stuff because some of his shit i just really do dislike but i like that one a lot it's one of my favorite movies i've seen it 30 times probably
fucking mccready played by uh kurt russell is so goddamn good and then the you know the
the creature itself and the way it works and the rules behind it are really cool
um them sort of turning on each other and nobody knowing who's the thing
is a cool aspect of the movie.
I love that.
And the location.
Was this the Antarctica one?
It is.
They made a prequel slash remake
maybe five years ago
that relied heavily on CGI,
but the original is all in camera.
All the special effects are in camera.
We talked about this not that long ago, but one of the coolest shots for me,
there's a body that's been infected, and there's a doctor on the Antarctic base,
and he's got the paddles, the defibrillator paddles, and he goes to apply them.
And when he does, the chest opens up like jaws,
and his hands go into the body cavity cavity and the jaws bite his arms off
and so he pulls away these two stubs and he's screaming they they achieved that visual by using
an actor who didn't have arms like like like they put fake arms on a guy with stubs stumps whatever
and then he puts that into the jaws and then it literally bites the fake arms off.
And so he pulls away his actual stumps
and he's going, ah, ah!
And it looks so real because it is.
I mean, you know, a body didn't bite his arms off.
Well, it did.
A body did bite his arms off, technically.
Yeah, that's definitely up there.
I wouldn't put American Psycho as a horror movie i'd put that
as a thriller yeah thriller i'm sure i understood that movie i watched it a million years ago but
it was a lot of questions like what the it requires two watchings about what's actually
going on they intentionally film it that they would film um like there's the interrogation
scenes with willem dafoe speaking to to Christian Bale's character and they would have
Willem Dafoe do three
different takes. He's in so many
fucking good films. Yeah, they would do
one take where Willem Dafoe
knows that Christian Bale
did it and he would
do it that way and then they would do another where
he doesn't know who did it
and then they would do another where he believes
Christian Bale is completely innocent and then they would chop all three up and mix them together so you get this
weird thing where you're like i don't know what's going on yeah i remember that that being the
feeling i walked away from the movie was like what the fuck just happened yeah that that movie has a
lot of turns like that when he just just loses it at the end and just starts murdering homeless people just like how are you doing
you know mr. Bates or whatever he just blows
the guards head off
how fucked up whatever he did to those
prostitutes was where she was just like
we're never coming back
yeah
this is a big mistake
so what conversation did I walk into
horror movies that was about how kyle met his
current girlfriend yeah get out that old clothes iron straighten her out get the blowtorch and
have a good time so we were talking about uh horror movies and it we started by i was talking
about um uh one of our 50 hour patrons i was talking to her about movies and a horror movie
specifically and i think i recommended a couple to her i was like to her about movies and a horror movie specifically and i think i
recommended a couple to her i was like you know watch um uh event horizon and uh and maybe the
void i might have recommended that one two or two and she was like you should have you ever heard
of the strange thing about the johnsons and i was like no no what's that like and she's like oh it's
it's a good one it's made by the same guy who made hereditary and i was like, no, no, what's that like? And she's like, oh, it's a good one. It's made by the same guy who made Hereditary.
And I was like, well, Hereditary wasn't my favorite horror movie,
but it was definitely a really well-made horror movie, and I respect it.
So, all right, I'm going to go watch The Strange Thing About the Johnsons.
Well, it is a half-hour, roughly short film made in 2011, made by Ari Aster.
And the premise is – all right, let me walk you through one of the early scenes of the movie.
Please do.
Young black kid, maybe 13 years old.
He's in bed.
He's jerking off.
And he's got a little bit of jerk material that he's looking at.
This is porn.
No, this is...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What he's looking at.
As opposed to lotion.
I'm trying to get my hands around jerk material.
I thought you were saying, like, I was describing a porno.
Oh, no, no, no.
I got a little confused at first.
So, essentially, you see he's holding something.
Because I have a lot of supplies when I jerk off.
There's a whole host.
I understand.
It's like a tackle box.
Tackle box. Gotta get the poppers so he's he's jerking off you start to see his hand moving under the the blankets and he's holding something that he's looking at some visual stimulation and his father
walks in and catches him it's a little awkward and the dad comes over he's like hey look
this is completely natural.
Look, you're growing up.
You're becoming a man.
I get it.
Just, hey, don't let your mom catch you.
That'll be embarrassing.
But look, just keep the door closed.
I'll knock from now on.
They had that talk.
Really, really good stuff.
The dad handles it perfectly or whatever.
The dad leaves, and the kid looks back at his jerk material
anyone want to take a guess what he was looking at i won't say i just read the synopsis and that
was a roller coaster ride uh he's looking i well i'm probably wrong was it gay porn is it just as
simple as that he's looking at a picture of his dad he's looking at a picture of his dad. He's looking at a picture of his dad.
That's what he's jerking off to.
Okay.
So then we go forward in time.
Keep in mind, it's a short film.
It wasn't this fortuitous.
This worked out better for him than he thought.
Yeah.
You'll see.
So he begins to systematically rape his father over the course of their lives.
At his wedding, the course of their lives. At his wedding,
the son's getting married, and he's got his bride next to him. His mom
and dad are there. They're posing
for the picture, and the son is grabbing
the dad's ass in the back.
He's like, yeah, giving him a big handful of daddy
ass. And then he
takes his dad in the back,
in this hidden area, and he's like
mouth-fucking the dad, raping his mouth in the back like like like in like this hidden area he's like mouth fucking the
dad like raping his mouth in the back and the dad is super ashamed of all this he he's literally
being raped by the son but he can't tell anyone and and there's this there's scene where the dad
is taking a bath he's just trying to get away from all the rape and and and he's i want to say
it was a scene where he didn't know the son was still in the
house maybe they had like a dinner party and the son should have gone home with his own wife but
the son like breaks a uh a picture frame out and he goes i'm gonna stay and clean this up to his
wife his wife leaves so it's just him the mother his mother and his father in the home now and so
the dad is in the bathtub he's got a headset on like I do, and he's listening to some music.
He's relaxing in the fucking bathtub, and the son starts knocking on the door.
But the dad doesn't hear it.
Well, this enrages the son.
He goes, you know how I feel about locked doors.
And you're just like, oh, no.
He really is creepy.
The son starts bashing the door down with his shoulder.
And the door is like splintering, like the frame of the door.
And he comes into the room.
And the dad goes, ah!
And then you just cut away to the mother upstairs in bed,
like watching television, sitting on the edge of the bed,
going, turning the volume up, up, up, up up up up up to cover the screams of the father while
he's getting ass raped down in the bathroom below is that how it ends this is entertainment oh no
the ending i'm gonna all right i'm gonna spoil the ending anyone who's not gonna watch i would
never watch this i'm not gonna exactly that's why i usually don't spoil endings about but but this one i don't think anyone's gonna watch but if you're
gonna watch it cut away right now it'll take me like 30 seconds to tell the ending
now all right so the ending is the dad is writing his story he's like writing it in a memoir
and on his on his computer about how he's how this all happened it's called
it hurts to sit um the johnson family story and he's he's got it all written out how this all
happened and why he's afraid and ashamed and all this and the son catches him with it and and he
grabs it and the dad does and starts running out of the house runs across the street
and a fucking truck hits him right there fucking kills him dead right in the street
and the son is holding his bloody body crying and that's how it ends
wow so you still have contact with this person to recommend this to you yeah so yeah we how did
the dad get raped the first time was the son bigger and stronger from the get-go?
Is that the scheme?
Yeah, son's a muscular young man.
Look, I watch this shit, and I go back to her.
Again, for Woody's benefit, this is one of our $50 patrons.
This is one of the wonderful people who we hang out with every month.
And I'm just like, why the fuck did you send that to me?
I watched it.
Why would you send that to me?
I sent you fun movies.
I sent you fun movies.
Sam Neill was in that movie.
That was a real movie.
You sent me an incest,
rape, black family, gay
short film that has ruined my evening.
This is, why would you make this?
What was the answer?
What was the answer?
I pay you 50 bucks, I own you?
Oh, I thought it was funny.
I thought it was funny was her answer.
She loves it.
She loved it.
I mean, it doesn't sound funny
no it sounds the opposite of funny she's great she's a very jump scares it sounds like though
not a jump scare at all no no just uh just a lot of incestuous uh gay rape yeah familial rape
is there even a word for that you know how it's like incest incest side if you
kill your your son like patricide if you kill your father what is what is it if you rape your
own father patra fuckery i'm not googling that no you know what i'm i also think that john woody
doesn't he do the fact checking i've stopped for reasons like this it's so fucked i want to try to find like an image
of it that that sort of like spells out like how awkward it is yeah it's perfect uh give me just
like 10 seconds i'll get it to images of it let me see i want to see him grabbing his dad's ass
and no i'm not gonna show you anything like you wouldn't want to see him grabbing his dad's ass. No, I'm not going to show you anything you wouldn't want to see.
You have some assumptions about what I want to see.
Is this something I could stream on Twitch?
I don't know the legality of it,
but it'd be hilarious.
Is it on...
What do you pull out of that?
What's the Amazon list for that called, Taylor?
A wish list?
No, no, no, no.
The watch party thing
yeah i would only want to do it if i could find it on youtube the strange thing about the johnsons
so i guess that kid gets bigger stronger movies on youtube eight years ago i could watch this
i don't know if i want to though though. You can watch old movies there on YouTube. If it's on YouTube, you can watch it on Twitch.
Yeah.
Like like like like the Hoarders episodes I'm watching are from like 2011, like A&E at one point, like decided like, all right, after a certain number of years, we just upload for free all episodes from other seasons because it's a smart move for them to keep the SEO good on things like that.
And so they don't mind you watching old stuff so but like if i wanted to watch new seasons of 60
days in and i signed in with my cable login i can't stream that they would shut that right down
because they don't have that available for free so but yeah the strange thing about the johnsons
that's free 30 minutes let's see if i could find a nice let's find the bath scene here it is i hated it so much i i hated it more than i've
hated anything in a long long time i i i would rather buy 35 nipples every day this week than
watch that movie again.
I guess I won't see it because you did capture my interest with it.
Oh my God.
Trick Jackie into watching it with you and just
act like you love it.
You're going to love this.
Remember when I showed you Lord of the Rings for the first
time? Buckle up.
I just found the scene where the son's smiling all big at his wedding
and he's got a big fistful of dad ass and you see the dad just oh and the son ah beaming
i don't want to watch this your stream does now
this is how i feel like 99 of horror movies is
exactly what you're describing i'm like why would i want to go through that like what do i get from
that what is my bonus what do i take what's my take home from this that i like i don't think
there's going to be any happy take home from this kyle described it from what i can tell from the
wikipedia article exact to a t except at the end it doesn't end with the father dying. According to this, it ends with the son going into the living room and the mom stabbing him. And then he tries to force her into
the fireplace and then she stabs him to death. And then it ends. Right. I stopped watching.
Frank didn't watch to the end. You watch what? 23 and a half minutes of a 25 minute film
like no i stopped watching when the father dies in the street being held by the i was just like
you know what enough you know what enough i didn't i didn't know there was more i didn't
know there was i thought that that was the end the camera kind of pans up i was like that's it
that's all right enough i'm gonna go watch some fucking looney tunes to wash my brain of this filth that this
girl has put upon me i can even tell from the body language this is some rough acting
is it i didn't think so i don't think the acting was that what was um there was a film that was
had a bunch of sex in it but it wasn't't directly about that, where all the sex was,
this was a couple years ago now,
all the sex was actual sex.
Nine Songs?
Maybe something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Nine Songs, that sounds right.
There's a subreddit for that, too.
It's called...
Porn Extra Mile.
It's called Extra Mile.
Extra Mile?
Yeah, you mentioned that one a good bit before.
That's hilarious.
Is that about sites, about... It's when the actors go the extra mile and have real sex it's about you find
the best fucking reddit subreddits i don't know how you do this i i'm on reddit a lot i just uh
yeah that's a good one extra miles of very good like nine songs did you anyone else see it never
seen it no i did i did see. I watched it with my wife.
I remember finding it a little fun, but we were more impressed with the idea behind that than we were with the actual movie, if I remember correctly.
Yeah, I didn't get compelled by the story, although the sex was top notch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I remember from it, too.
Extra mile, huh?
You know what's a brutal story?
What's the one irreversible oh my gosh
that's i don't know that one what's irreversible well okay do you know that's the you know
monica belushi movie do you know the show memento where the it sort of plays out backwards yep
irreversible does that too and uh you like it opens up and and i don't know there's people
talking about the trauma of it all then they like beat a person to death and when you watch i don't
know if it's to death but they beat a person very badly and you watch that and it doesn't seem like
there could be any justification for it is it in french might be yeah yeah they beat the person to
death with a fire extinguisher when you watch they don the person to death with a fire extinguisher
when you watch they don't really cut away as the fire extinguisher like pounds the person's face
and skull in for like a solid eight ten seconds just dong dong dong dong and you look at that
and like you if you're like me you don't think oh well i bet he had it coming we'll see how this
goes but uh then you find out
what the problem is
and how they went after him
and what led up to it.
And then it's just like,
oh my gosh,
the trauma involved in that.
It is a very good movie.
I'm not sure how to tell you about it
without spoiling it.
There is a steamy scene there at the end
it's one of my favorite actresses of all time monica bellucci super hot yeah in the matrix it was either the second or third uh matrix the one where he has to deal with the merovingian
in that restaurant you know the the french guy who's a real piece of shit and he like makes the piece of of pie
that gives the lady across the room an orgasm okay it's been too long all right well his
is played by monica belushi and she's wearing this latex outfit and you can see the top of
her pubic hair just walking around the whole movie it's great it's awesome monica belushi
is one of my favorite actors that's's in The Matrix? Yeah. She also
played one of Dracula's brides
in Bram Stoker's Dracula.
The original one with Keanu Reeves. Also with
Keanu Reeves, now that I think about it. Yeah.
Yeah, if you search
Monica Belushi latex dress,
you'll get that, I would say.
Monica Belushi. Alright, this needs
to go to Bing.
It needs to go to Bing. It needs to go to Bing.
Anyone ever said that?
Yes, you need to go to Bing if you want lewd images.
It's way better than Google for that.
Why would that be true?
Because Google doesn't really want to show you porn and stuff.
Bing does.
I've had no problems.
You'd be surprised. They're cutting out a lot of
the good stuff yeah no it it's not even close bing is definitely the search engine for porn
huh learn something new every day yeah welcome to pink killer ready this is our our core competency
in any case big fan of monica lucci um uh her sexiest scene may be the one in
irreversible though it's uh it's real tender it's romantic
it's just sexy sexy it gets me going sexy for filthy's benefit it is an incredibly violent
rape in a in a in a tunnel and the guy um like he has her in a position where he can do anything to her and he
decides that to double down on how awful it will be he's going for dry anal and it's just like
it's you gotta be committed to that that's just not gonna work on its own it's hard it's hard
it's you gotta endeavor to persevere there's a level of cruelty to it that
is just breathtaking so one of the uh girl the girl the dragon tattoos series films had one of
the pretty fucking brutal rape in it as well you guys seen yeah yeah the first one did that was a
pretty good series of movies it was i think it was the first one yeah it was like was it the u.s remake or the original i can't remember i've only seen the uh well i've only
seen one of them it was either the swedish one or the u.s one but i don't remember which one
i must not have been paying that much attention yeah i bring that up because i want to know like
a degree that one's still kind of at my kind of i think that's the most mainstream like version
of that obscene where it's been that violent i'm kind of curious if irre of i think that's the most mainstream like version of that obscene where
it's been that violent so i'm kind of curious if irreversible rates like that worse okay what
about deliverance oh that's just funny yeah in irreversible they were clearly trying to traumatize
the viewer like those frenchies i don't know there's there's lots of motivations to rape but i think that a
common one is that guy's super horny at least in movies in this one guy's super cool oh i think he
sees her as rich and advantaged and then that's part of his motivation for punishing her. He's horny and angry and wants to hurt her.
He's hangry.
That's what hangry means, right?
Someone walks into the room as he's brutally raping her. It's like a Snickers commercial.
You're not you.
You're not you.
That's too on the nose, Taylor.
That goes to your Snickers sponsorship.
Fuck, I'm about to go the milky way. You know snickers sponsorship you're right I'm sorry this isn't me
did you see the one that happens in like Yugoslavia or something
oh they're all these like rebels murderers or like killers and one of them is like a whiny chick
and they give her a snickers he turns into
the rest of them and they're like oh now you're you again oh that sounds funny i thought it's a
real commercial that we were gonna have to talk about it's just a snickers commercial that's
snickers has good advertising it's expensive though all of their you're not yourself when
you're hungry they have like betty white or White or Vince Vaughn or some real deal celebrity.
When's Betty White going to die?
Any day.
Yeah, she lived way longer than we
thought. Way longer than we
wanted. Do you think she's ready to cash
out at this point?
How old is she? 100?
90? 5?
I don't know.
She's 98, so I was barely exaggerating she'll be 99 in january
this bitch is 16 months from triple digits i bet she doesn't make it yeah i mean the odds are
against her how's she doing though because i feel like she had a career resurgence five years ago or something like that where everyone loved her so she uh i don't remember what award show she was at but uh this is maybe
like a year ago but she was accepting some lifetime achievement award or something i don't know they
put that nut job on stage she's lost the plot oh yeah yeah yeah she like like she lost it in like the last three years
she was just like ah thank you for award award good award good is that bad for real or you kind
of like playing it up i'm playing it up a little it was bad though like it was it was so bad that
you're just like is this one of those
shows where they like play the music and usher them away after a while are they gonna play the
music please play the music oh she doesn't know that that's music oh she's dancing to the music
oh no like it was bad it's a weird thing when people get that old because it seems like any day
their switch could just get turned off any day yeah
even if they seem healthy just you know that that that's the end that's what's going to happen to
biden i was actually thinking about him when i said that but not just him both of them yeah sure
sure yeah they're both old enough yeah i. I love that alternate reality in which Biden has his meltdown
five minutes before a debate stage
and comes out with a handful of his own shit.
That would be just such a wonderful thing
to see happen.
Would they cut away?
Would they still vote for him?
Of course they would cut away.
I'm not allowed.
Would he still win?
I'm voting in solidarity with Kyle this year. By not allowed. Oh, what are you saying? I'm, I'm voting in solidarity with Kyle this year.
Not voting.
So yeah,
I,
I,
there's so many Betty white clips.
I don't know where the one is where she apparently is off.
Google Betty white retarded.
Georgia's halfway at battleground state this year.
Maybe Betty white crazy.
It's kind of like North Carolina where it's only a battleground state. If it's kind of like north carolina where it's only a
battleground state if it's kind of leaning one way already yeah well i mean there's no battleground
state slowly becoming more red like it's already been won like after 2024 there will never be
another republican president it's just not gonna happen that's totally untrue and i also disagree
florida florida's turning blue texas is turning blue. Florida went red last time.
Yeah, but look at the amounts that they go.
It's all inching towards more blue.
Florida will, after Texas, be the next giant state to go blue.
Could you imagine 10 years ago telling someone,
yeah, Texas is going to be a swing state-ish in 10 years?
They'd say, you're crazy.
You're a madman.
That could never happen.
And here we are.
So Iowa is more red than it's been in the last 20 years.
Ohio's more red than it's been in the last 20 years.
Maine is.
Michigan is.
Well, Maine, that's, of course, Maine is.
Why would Maine be, of course, red?
And Maine is a very, like, I mean, most Republican voters are white and Maine Maine is a very like
I mean most like Republican voters are
white and Maine is a very white state
and then those states
moved a ton more red
Minnesota, Nevada, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire
and Wisconsin moved a little more red
over the last 20 years
and then Arizona, Georgia
and Texas have moved a little more
I'll give you the article I was just reading about this the other day and then Arizona, Georgia, and Texas have moved a little more. Where are you seeing this?
I'll give you the article.
I was just reading about this the other day.
Because, like, I mean, if you're including, like, Maine and little states,
that's not going to add up to the difference in Florida and Texas. I can't Maine, like, cast for two candidates, too.
I mean, wasn't California pretty solidly red up until Reagan's mass amnesty thing,
and that turned it blue?
I don't know about that. California's not mentioned in this is one of the states that's
changing but you can scan down and look at the pictures it gets you most of what the article is
no i believe you i'm just saying like like republicans are not going to win anymore
like they barely skirted by with trump there's this narrative that trump absolutely trounced
her in some circles that's not true like yeah like it republican party is not going to be viable after this next election
i don't think that would shock me that's quite a prediction yeah and i've heard it before i heard
it um when obama won like republicans were like trounced they were never coming back. Not only did Obama win,
but the demographics were changing
and such and that like blue people were
having more babies and this and that.
Yeah, that's true.
Well, Trump is president.
That's true, but like he barely
skirted by. No one expected him to.
I'm saying that like this is not going to happen
again. And if it does
happen again, this is the very last time
huh yeah i i doubt it's looking around
i'm not making a hard and fast thing i'm just saying that's my assumption
like it it looks bad for for the red boys out there the republican party which
you know the republicans don't get shit done so fuck them like it doesn't seem like anything you know is gonna both sides feel that
way both sides feel like their side sucks at fighting that's been my observation but both
sides feel like their own side like i feel like democrats always fucking lose the best democratic
ads i see on tv right now are by republicans you know they're the we go low so you don't have to
like the Lincoln Project
and the Republicans against Donald Trump. Those ads
are meat for the blue side.
I don't know.
They fight half-assed.
The Democrats, I'm like, they always lose.
The Republicans have the House. I'm sorry.
They have the Senate. They have the Judicial Branch.
They have the Executive Branch at the same time.
All the Democrats have are the House.
Then I talk to Republicans and they're like, we always lose we can't do this the whole nation and i'm like man
everyone thinks they suck which it seems like two sides of the same like republicans lose 100 of the
time on social issues there's not a single social issue that's gone back to the way conservatives
want it for the last 70 years or so democrats lose every time on economic issues
it's always tax cuts for the rich it's always what you know the the people paying and buying
politicians want and so that's what it seems like and so it's almost like both sides can be accurate
in that regard where the democrats can be like uh all of this global health care all this stuff we
want we've been saying this for decades nothing has been done we get red meat six months for an
election and that's it and republicans like whoa we're we're trying to be conservative and nothing's
been conserved like and so i can see why both sides could act you know what social issue the
republicans are winning on i think guns i think i feel like concealed carry in the last 20 years
has just exploded to almost every state kyle probably knows this better than me. Yeah, that's a good example.
I can't think of any others.
Yeah, the only thing we've lost in the last 12 years is bump stocks
that I can think of.
And even that, there's probably been more
concealed carry progress
to offset the bump stock
loss. Anyway... I don't know, that rate of fire
was just...
I can put most of my shots in the same building
you mean even if you got two handguns you're gonna have a hard time with it
ah can't you do a bump stock without a bump stock though just sort of hold it against your finger
yeah yeah it does because i remember this being bam i have no fucking idea what they are
the gun slides inside the stock back and forth and this so instead of pulling your trigger every your finger every time
you want the gun to go off your your uh your finger stays stationary and the gun is what slides
ah okay and so you're you you're you're pushing forward all the time with your left hand that
under the on the on the forehand and the recoil pushes the gun back
but you're maintaining that forward pressure so it ends up vibrating like like this sure and and
so a motion that we're all pretty familiar yeah and so the the trigger impacts your finger at a
very rapid rate and and it's sort of this acceleration factor that takes over because
the faster it goes back the faster it goes forward and they, and it's sort of this acceleration factor that takes over because the faster it goes
back, the faster it goes forward. And eventually it's really quickly it's, and you can shoot it
accurately because you're just, all you're really doing is keeping this forward pressure tension,
uh, with your left hand and, and it does the rest writing inside of the stock. Um,
and that that's what they outlawed but you don't really
need the stock you there's a way to do it with just your your right just your two hands just
applying pressure like this um and once you're good enough at it you can do it somewhat effectively
but not as accurately as with the stock do you remember the las vegas shooting guy got a lot of kills
he used a bump stock on a yeah that's what the response was or something yeah okay i thought
well i'm sure someone out there didn't know that was what initiated the bump stock ban
yeah yeah so anyway i didn't know what it did so it allows you to shoot faster it sounds like
more it allows you to take a semi-auto gun and shoot it kind of full
auto-ish okay yeah yeah so which can be important in home defense there's a lot of people attacking
homes now uh it's fun there's triggers that uh you know they fire on the pull and the release
i've never heard of that you know i think since the first time i've been on the show i kind of
have the mindset of i ought to learn how to shoot i'd at least know how to do that and it's been
something i've really been thinking about more for covid time really because i think covid and the blm stuff has been very good for the gun industry
like those two things have people feeling like you know i guess something about the pandemic
is a little bit apocalypsy you know like who knows how this where this goes not so much in my
exposure not so much anymore i feel like i've learned to normalize covid and wearing a mask at the gas station or
whatever that can you know quickie mark um but when it first happened it was crazy like oh my
gosh can you believe it a pandemic in 2020 and it always seemed fake before ebola was fake sars was
fake you don't work with me here swine flu so Is that different than SARS? Any swine flu? Fine.
What's bird flu?
One of those.
We've said at least one of them twice.
West Nile.
Sure.
West Nile.
Anyway, all these things sort of came.
Mad cow.
Yeah, that's a great one.
That's a great one.
They were all these things.
None of them had any impact on me. They were just things I read about in the news,
kind of hyped up, seemingly out of nothing.
Maybe some of them were a big deal in like Africa or Asia,
but here by my house, there was no impact whatsoever.
And then COVID comes along and it's like, wait, what?
No, I thought all of this was silliness.
I thought it was just like drama scare news.
The media cried wolf one too many times right
and uh so then you know you go outside and you're like someone on my facebook said you know i'm the
weird one for not wearing a mask and uh it feels like a real thing and you can see why someone
would be like well where does this go you know if i've seen uh TV shows and movies with the premise that like half the population disappears one night.
And then that changes like manufacturing and recessions and power.
And by power, I mean electricity.
And I can see why someone might be like, I should have a gun in my possession.
You know, just for that 1 percent chance that things go weird i'm like i'm not even as
far as that quite yet but i am of the mindset of i have so little knowledge about firearms that
handling and seeing them in action kind of in person would be helpful for just like an
understand a better understanding of what is happening there so i wasn't raised around guns
and the first thing i did was uh hire an instructor and it wasn't too much it was like 40 for you know the guy instructed at a range it was a gun shop that had a range
so i think i paid 40 and he taught me how to hold it he taught me uh so you did this through through
like the range you went to the range and be like hey i want to hire like some instructions the gun
store was a range right so these are the same thing the gun store had a range like behind it and uh um and they had instructors so i just went and uh kyle might
have heard of him i think his name's chris tilly he's like a national good guy he was on some tv
show anyway um and it was nice to have a guy like teach me how to shoot to get started and be safe
that we focused a lot on safety i thought i knew guns and like i answered
most of the questions right they gave me to start off they're like hey here's a gun identify all the
parts of it just so we know where you are you know you can't fail this test but and i'm like
you know i got muzzle and barrel right but the truth is i'm only like halfway sure you know like
what is the difference and and you know so uh and he taught
me how to shoot we started with a 22 and i was really glad that was my first introduction to
guns you know with a lesson it seems somewhat useful how do you start if you're a grown-up
you know you might have a friend but that even better i think is an instructor who's
taught other people who are first timers yeah i imagine it's like learning
to drive a car right you go somewhere um you know where no one could see you and then you pull out
your gun and you just you know there's like nope gotta lead them a bit more yeah you want to find
an empty parking lot i run you gotta get them first before you start running you're never gonna
hit them like that you don't want to start at a riot clearly because things could get too action packed you want to work your way up right yeah like a walmart like a bell tower or something
oh yeah then you're in control you have the access point controlled they're just moving it
down moving around down there it's easy what's what's what's the beginner level i guess a bell
tower sounds good what would you be more interested in shooting rifles or pistols
i think i want the experience of trying it so i would want to do both yeah and then i would be
able to answer that question better after right sure yeah they're all very fun for different
reasons they do different things dude and and I feel like I sometimes forget,
even though intellectually I know,
how much more deadly rifles are.
Heck, in the recent news thing, right?
That guy got shot seven times with a pistol.
I wonder about that.
Every time I hear that, I'm like, what the fuck?
Seems like a lot of times to be shot.
My wife said that too, but it's weird to me.
You're supposed to shoot to kill.
Like, don't you just sort of reevaluate after three hits but okay um so guy got shot seven times paralyzed big injury but he's okay those other guys got shot once and two of them are dead
it's just rifles versus pistols man it's a whole different world
yeah and it depends on the pistol most people are shooting nine shot guns coming It's just rifles versus pistols, man. It's a whole different world.
Yeah, and it depends on the pistol.
Most people are shooting 9mm. Or just shotguns, Cundin, compared to that.
Shotguns are the best.
Depending on which side you're on.
You want to be on the stock side.
Shotguns can be the worst.
Tell me, if I were to get shot, pick a pistol, you're saying.
Yes.
If a guy's like, you want me to shoot you
with this rifle or this pistol i'll be like pistol people survive something like 80 percent of 85
percent of pistol shots i forget where i read that but it does not seem like an efficient weapon to
kill people with well a lot of them are like stop people they shoot themselves you know they're
shooting their hands and legs and stuff but um most people survive pistol shots it feels like a death laser in your hand but most people
live not those cops that they were literally like pulling on the guy's shirt and shooting him in the
back this is up close all like chest shots and stuff guy lived that recommended if you're like
bad at like marksmanship or something i wouldn't know i don't know yeah yeah i mean the energy that's
being delivered is you know it's mass and and uh velocity and where most pistol bullets are
have a have a have a larger mass but a much lower velocity like a nine millimeter rifle rounds
most of them do yeah yeah. Why is that?
I don't know why.
They just do.
So like a.44 Magnum bullet might be 240 grains.
I realize you don't know how much a grain is, but it's irrelevant. Because a 5.56, like an AR-15, M16 rifle bullet is like, shit, is it 50?
I think 55 grains.
Like a quarter the size you know but
three times the velocity and uh and the end result is something that's just now 44 magnum
is kind of a bad example because it is one of the most powerful engines in the world one times the
other though so isn't that less kinetic energy like less of an impact if you
quartered it and then tripled it like i said the 44 magnum is a poor example because it is one of
the most powerful handguns in the world okay it is it is for the longest time it was a nine
millimeter pistol on the other hand isn't 240 grains i think those bullets are like 125 grains
uh roughly this is i'm thinking back to reloading charts,
so it's a little fuzzy, but close enough.
125 grains and going like 1,000 feet per second,
maybe something like that, 1,000, 1,200.
Rifle bullets go like 2,800 feet per second.
And their size varies, like the weight of the bullet.
Like a 5.56 is around 55 grains i think but a 308 could be more like 150 grains to the bullets that's doing the work
i know like isn't some of this shit supposed to be like bouncing around inside you and like
ripping huge chunks out of your kind of deals the ammunition type definitely does matter um
i think that police officers i
know military but i think most police officers all use full metal jacket bullets so it's just
a copper a copper jacket over a piece of lead and it doesn't do anything special but if you're a
civilian you're probably using something much more terrifying like a hollow point where you've got
like this hollow point so that when it
hits,
it opens up into these petals of like a flower and it cuts these huge swaths
of flesh away.
And,
and it,
uh,
rifle bullets,
especially full metal jacket ones do this thing called past pass through
where they pass through the person.
And because they're doing that,
they're not delivering all of their energy into that person.
It's going through them.
But these hollow point bullets, you get all the energy because the bullet essentially explodes inside of you in many cases.
I mean, there are bullets where you've got a hollow point with like this silicone inside the hollow point and suspended within that are tiny little
bbs so this hollow point hits you opens up into all those petals those petals go making their
own courses throughout your body like little razors and then all of this shot, it's called shot, these tiny BB pellets are projected through you, making all these awful paths of destruction.
Being as mean as possible.
And then behind that, there's a tapeworm.
And the tapeworm.
Actually, yeah.
Behind that is the core of the bullet, which is the heaviest part.
And it's continuing to penetrate.
It's just keeping going. which is the heaviest part and it's continuing to penetrate so what you end up with is this
three-dimensional area of destruction inside the human body that looks like you took a fucking like
like one of the big soup cans like family style and just put that through someone and everything
that it went through is just mangled and destroyed and ruined there's something oh go ahead
guns what class is that personal defense yeah personal defense rounds you know a lot a lot of
those personal defense rounds uh get scary like that and i'm not sure if scary is more dangerous
because some of them can be gimmicky like uh you put too many little pedals and stuff in it and
it's like oh actually it
it got kind of lame when we tested it uh maybe you feel differently it looks like you do
um i don't know where i fall because i tested that rip ammo the the rapidly invasive projectile
ammunition and it looks gimmicky um but god damn we would shoot, um, ballistic gel with it, it fuck it up so bad.
It, and those, those bullets were very light. They were all copper.
There was no lead in them and they went really fucking fast,
like 50% faster than a standard, uh, nine millimeter round.
And when they hit, they just exploded essentially into many, many projectiles
going throughout the body and you wouldn't get passed through, you know, it wouldn't go through
the person and hit something or someone else you don't want it to. But also I think a lot of people
had an issue with when you compare it to like, just like a good hollow point round that normally
you've got like this solid thing that's just cutting a big hole all the way
through the person and now instead you've just got this thing that's just exploding and maybe
it doesn't penetrate maybe it doesn't hit anything vital maybe uh if they've got any kind of like
maybe they got a thick enough coat i don't know you know i i'm not in the business of gunfighting
so leather coat on top of a hoodie can do weird things you know i don't know yeah so so like if i if i had to
if i had to pick a bullet that went into my pistol to like protect my life and i like
all right you're going to that room you're going to gunfight which bullet do you want i'd probably
pick one of the really nice like safety slugs one of the really good expensive hollow point bullets
that's meant for that sort of thing and maybe not something that's experimental there's the other
thing maybe you could talk about this but when a rifle round goes through a guy there's the damage from that you
would think come from an ice pick but that's not all it goes through so quickly the cavity kind of
swells and comes back and you can see it in slow-mo and apparently that motion is a big part of the
damage they produce yeah yeah we Yeah. We saw that,
um,
really go into play,
come into play when we would shoot ballistics gel and with high speed
photography,
you'd see that,
you know,
the bullet is very small,
small,
about pinky size,
you know,
passing through this,
this thing.
And,
but it's creating this,
this,
this vacuum or this,
this pressure wave as it goes through where the flesh is expanding around it in a much larger area.
And then it collapses back and then rebounds
and does this roll, roll, roll, roll, roll thing
as the energy is dispersed.
And you can see that really accurately through ballistics gel,
like I said, with the high-speed photography.
And it's terrifying.
You really don't want your kidney to do that.
You don't want your kidney to do that. You don't want kidney to do that you know you don't want the liver your lungs your heart none of those
none of those things um but but pistol rifle shotgun you know they're all very different
things and then you can break them down to even further right because there's lots of different
kinds of rifles there's bolt action target rifles and there's little 22 rifles there's combat style semi-automatic high capacity magazine rifles there's lots of different gratuitous thing i
could own legally cannon right totally unnecessary in its strength but uh an anti-aircraft gun you
get a i can own those yeah if you want a 40 millimeter anti-aircraft uh aircraft gun i know a guy uh
you can shoot can i mount those in my front yard or uh you don't have to mount it it's it's on a
platform um with a with a with an engine on it uh you can drag it behind a car and then you put it
in place and the legs come down and then you start up the little ducati engine so that it can it's
completely autonomous you know rotates 360 degrees of rotation.
And any of these been deployed for property defense?
Yeah.
You don't need to.
Can they go down?
Just keep it pointed.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I shot him a shell that I assume a bullet that brings out an airplane
probably is okay.
40 millimeters in diameter.
It wouldn't be a very good anti-air gun if it didn't.
Yeah, it's
the
projectiles about this big around. Oh yeah,
home defense. The shell is like... Does it do that
flowering stuff?
Yes. Does it really?
You don't have to at 40
millimeters. You don't have to, but we did.
Yeah, the ones I was shooting were custom cast
hollow points. Yeah.
If you get somebody storming your property with that,
there's not even any evidence. We cut down
trees with it.
There's not a
trigger. There's a pedal.
I'm not kidding.
When you go to fire, you're like, clunk.
And you hit a big pedal and it goes,
go goon, go goon, go goon, go goon. That's clunk and you get a big pedal and it goes go go go go go go go
that's the one that you went boom boom boom boom and it shot way into the horizon right
sure enough is it's got like i wasn't sure if that was a public story it is now
yeah yeah you know i mentioned the ducati uh engine on it that would power it but that was
loud and it would it was going to drown out my microphone so oh no i i use the hand controls
which is like um you know you turn them like little steering wheels but you know one for this
way and one for this way so you could do um elevation and um whatever you call side to side windage. And I dialed it in.
I looked through the scope.
It's shooting across a lake at some barrels of explosives or something.
I don't remember.
And I look at the camera.
I'm like, all right, well, here we go, blah, blah, blah.
Bam, and I hit the pedal, and I hold the pedal down
because it's fully automatic too.
I don't know if I mentioned that.
It's a machine gun essentially, and it's got a magazine of like five i can own these legally yeah yeah let's set me back roughly
if i wanted one 150 160 000 let this story unfold so i'm interested in that i'm just sure i'm just
imagining this at my my duplex that i'm renting in cedar rapids post like storm and i can just
you know like and i can pick it up again i could just leave it there
for a couple okay anyway you're gonna be the biggest swinging dick in all seed rap so i fire
it off and uh you know he goes cacoon but then the recoil causes the barrel to go up i'm supposed to
be holding on to those wheels that i use to dial it in no one told me that so it goes cacoon and
the barrel goes up 10 degrees c cocoon and it goes up 15 degrees
this firing so how quickly is this it's going boom boom boom boom boom and so it goes boom boom boom
boom boom boom and the first one like hits my target the second one cuts a tree down the second
one hits the top of the tree and the third and fourth or fifth or whatever they're just going
they're just horizon and you know i look back i'm like all right well that was pretty cool huh
blah blah blah blah blah now let's do this and that and then they can't you know cut and i go
where the fuck did those rounds go where did they go and the guy went uh whatever's 7 to 12 miles that away.
What was 7 to 12 miles that away?
There's a horse farm over there.
We're in Kentucky.
No, Tennessee.
We're in Tennessee.
There's a horse farm over there.
I'm like, are they expensive horses?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Like half a million dollar race horses.
I'm like, well, if we hit one of those racehorses,
we cannot talk about this, right?
He's like, I'd be more worried about hitting a car.
There's an interstate about four miles. I'm just like, oh, God, what have we done?
You have to run inside and turn on the news.
Did you ever find out where they went?
No.
How would you?
Well, presumably someone might notice.
No, you don't notice.
It would have made that big of a hole in the ground.
You'd have had to hit something that somebody cared about
to ever find out that something had went wrong.
But we didn't, luckily.
And I held on to the fucking controls thereafter.
But yeah, that's probably one of the more ridiculous things.
You can get a tank, live-firing tank.
Did you rent or own that?
Neither. Just borrowed it. He was trying to sell it at the time so me shooting it was a was a bit of advertisement for him uh you know trying to sell the gun
but um you know you know you can own anything that you've ever seen in a movie essentially
uh if you get enough licensing if you want to go zero licensing, then like, I don't know,
a.50 caliber sniper rifle,
like semi-automatic,
is pretty crazy.
If you don't want to do any paperwork,
that's probably about as crazy as it gets.
But if you want to do more and more paperwork,
you can get hand grenades,
explosives,
live firing tanks
that shoot shells,
anti-aircraft guns, miniguns, RPGs,
literally everything that you can think of that's not chemical.
How close are we to lasers?
We've been there.
We've been there.
There's an anti-missile program that they've had for long enough
that they've long released how it works and everything,
so it's probably miniaturized by now but the entire laser had to take up the back of one of those giant cargo
planes and so they fly the cargo plane and then this thing could shoot a laser and take down a
missile it was like an anti-missile weapon that's cool i i want to i mean like a rifle a rifle
will that ever be a possibility or no?
I don't know.
You don't like the idea of reloading or what?
It just would be cool.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
I think that lasers have a...
Look how embarrassing it's going to be if aliens get here and we're still using bullets.
Like they'll at least give us props if we've got lasers down is my imagine.
I don't know.
I feel like you can just defeat a laser by wearing some mirrors though, right?
Not space lasers. Not space lasers.
Not space lasers.
You're right. Good point.
You think they didn't think that through?
The humans
have a new defense.
It's just a mirror
you're holding up.
They're like retard signs.
Aliens are like, we're going to take over this planet.
What's it made of? Something that kills us. Ah, let's go. That was the dumbest like retard signs. Aliens are like, we're going to take over this planet. What's it made of?
Something that kills us.
Ah,
let's go.
That was the dumbest part of signs that ruined the,
ruined a lot of the movie where it was like,
Oh,
they're the most,
I love that movie.
That was,
I love that movie. That was the dumbest part of,
I'm going to show my fucking credit card again.
I got to stop playing with it.
That was the dumbest part of,
um,
war of the worlds with tom cruise
was when the aliens neglected to remember that there might be some microbes on that planet that
will kill us like they have no immunity got the flu six to one half dozen of another yeah
i'll throw water yeah it's not even as dumb as the water thing there's a lot of dumb ones i think
every single alien movie where it's like
the entire alien invasion is networked to this one ship and that ship is vulnerable to anyone
who wants to attack it you're just like what why why why would they build that system that way
why would they attack with one center thing that's doing all of the work and everything else is... Will Smith can win.
That's why.
Oh, thank God they're running on Vista.
You did not shoot that green shit at me.
Was Independence 2 any good? I don't think I saw it.
You can avoid that.
The first one wasn't that great either.
The first one was outstanding.
I still get tears over the speech.
That wasn't for my son, David.
When the president
will no longer
be known as an American holiday.
That whole fucking speech
that Bill Pullman has.
It was great.
Bill Pullman is not good in that movie.
He tries his damnedest
best.
He spans Bill Pullman.
No, it's more just the dialogue's bad.
The acting's bad.
The plot's bad.
Writing's bad.
Writing's bad.
There were a couple of cool alien things.
Look, I loved it.
Never mind.
I'm thinking of Men in Black now.
No, it doesn't have anything good.
I loved it when I was nine.
Yeah, exactly.
That's the demographic though. It was like, oh oh man the fresh prince is just wrecking these aliens
look at him go that is what made me like it i think he's the coolest he got the stripper wife
and everything this is finally what this is exactly what nine-year-old me wants in a life
i've got my girlfriend's a stripper that turned out by nasa kind of a bummer This is exactly what nine-year-old me wants in a life. I fly jetsuit.
My girlfriend's a stripper.
That turned out by NASA.
Kind of a bummer.
Yeah, but then he got the flight of space anyway.
He did show them that he was good at it.
Yeah.
We just have to hope when we get invaded,
if we get invaded by aliens,
they're as incompetent as the movies say.
Because my guess would be that they're going to be so supremely confident. we'll all be dead before we know they showed up what if that's what they
want what if they get here and they can't believe how hardcore we are what if that's why they haven't
invaded what if they keep looking how hardcore like delusional like no how incredibly aggressive
and military and militaristic we are like what if that is is a very odd thing with with uh alien
culture just not used to violence.
They just come here.
What if the reason they've advanced so far is partially the fact that they're a very peaceable,
cooperative group of individuals.
And they look at us and they're like, they've all got weapons that shoot projectiles 3,000 feet per second.
It's insane.
They've got this one bullet you're not gonna
believe this i was just watching this podcast it was pedals of death and then little bb's of death
how many i don't get this opening scene like alien like conference room and he's just giving
a presentation on the bump stock yeah he's like yes they're civilians carry these you know they're like trying to
understand why we're so violent why we can't get stuff straight we're like talking about our world
and they're like and what are these things you call women we are all ourself it's just a bunch
of gay advanced they're asexual asexual they don't know about sexual conquest and stuff so
they just focus on science and lasers and we're fucking maybe our only hope
is that we look way cooler than them so at least we'll go out looking tight right like if they show
up that's our only hope well that we go out looking tight i'm gonna buy a fucking anti-aircraft gun
i like that it's like another will smith movie
consider this they all come,
but these are all like six inch tall aliens.
They're not used to how aggressive we are. And so the way
you go out, Kyle, is like the cave troll
of Moria. You've just got a two by four in your
yard. And because you're so tired
you're making cave troll noises. You're just
just going like that
mowing down row after row.
And then guess where you live on in all eternity.
There's a really cool
like tapestry of you looking dope and intimidating swooping them up and then of course like the next
panel the tapestry is you being killed by the general or something but they're gonna like
remember like man that was pretty fucking crazy those humans they were so big which movie is this
from because it sounds hobbit to me irreversible probably irreversible. I'm making all of this up. I think this is in The Hobbit, right?
The Fellowship of the Ring has a little bit of it.
Who's the big baddie that they all team up on at the end of The Hobbit?
What is wrong?
The Hobbit?
Yeah.
Oh, you're talking about the dragon, Smaug.
Nope.
Right?
Nope.
He's big.
You're talking about that pale guy?
Yeah.
It's all CGI?
Yeah. I don't know it. So is Taylor. He just doesn't know it.
That's the scene that he's describing.
Oh.
Well, my way's better.
Because nothing could be worse than that movie.
They should be embarrassed.
They should be fine.
When they release bad movies, studios should be fined.
That'd be amazing
if it was under 50% approval yeah and to pay out every movie
go i got like a you know i got the refund and three bucks more or something that'd be great
like everybody who went to the matrix revolution or revelation they should all get their money back
plus something for their time god that was so upsetting yeah you go to frozen and it's like
you know i'm sorry she
married that guy the first week she met him here's your money this all would have been prevented if
it wasn't for that i mean i liked frozen i like never seen that just trying to make jokes trying
to fit in kyle it's a bad plot point always bringing the podcast down woody god damn it woody
you again look we were having a
debate here you just have to come in and
shit on frozen out of nowhere movies and
refunds and she married the guy in a
week that's beautiful phil what's the
best possible scenario for us for an alien
invasion yeah no no if we become the aliens who can invade another another planet uh-huh what are
we what's the ideal you know intelligent race for us to come across you know we don't want one that's
too smart and you can't say like oh you show up on the planet and it's all deer and turtles no no no there's got to be like something running the show the way we do here
i guess the gold collectors of zuccon b i have my own idea they could be aquatic and then we could
live almost coexisting with them that's interesting we would end up winning we've done amazing jobs
with the waters of our home our home planet right i it's actually
coexisting the first time you're just like venting you're like fucking like nuclear like waste into
the water you know like cooling your reactors with that they're like um what are they gonna do
they're aquatic they're gonna fucking they're blowhole us yeah we're gonna squirt me fuck you i can summarize what i'm learning here your ideal race is a race of cowardly like kind of keep to
themselves they have a lot of stuff but they don't really like defend it very well you know
you know what you're saying is the easily bullied would be ideal like i don't really defend it very well. You know what you're saying? The easily bullied.
I don't know.
They had a good reason to come
here.
We just fuck them up.
They're eating all our fish. Well, they must be hungry.
Just stupid
nonsense. That's what we need to hope for. A bunch of
retards living with fins. They can't have
fingers.
They can pull triggers with fingers. They can't have fingers.
They can pull triggers with fingers.
Definitely want to be finned.
Yeah, they want to be finned.
They should be little, very dumb,
and they should have one kind of special skill
that's useful for us. Telepathy.
That's where I was going. Empaths.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me?
What?
You know how bad they would be?
Maybe they're great cocksuckers.
You know how bad they would be?
I like the way you're thinking.
Yeah, that might be all right.
They're all just mad.
Don't want them to read our minds.
There's no way that ends well for us as a species if we approach another species and we're like,
you know, we're invading your planet.
And then they can read our minds and help us.
Oh, I just checked his mind again.
We're going to kill us all. He's still thinking about killing us.
His thoughts every three seconds are sex, porn, death.
And it's just like a loop.
Well, that would incentivize the human race to get rid of them.
It's like, do you want these little fish people
knowing what you beat off to?
No! Get them out of there!
Yeah.
Then we scoop them up, and then they'd be like some really essential part of the ecosystem and we're already on the way to
turning it into earth too well we'll get a third and fourth that's what i say
i got no problem with that i got a problem our first conquest of another planet is just the
start we're learning how to do it it. Learning how to really exploit those
resources.
And yet Avatar sucked
as a movie.
I can't believe they're making
all those sequels to Avatar. Are you aware that they're
making like three or four sequels right
now to Avatar?
They're striking you while the iron is ice cold.
No one
fucking
cares about Avatar.
If you said sneak
preview for Avatar, you can watch all
five movies for free on your own time.
I probably
wouldn't. I'd probably go watch shitty horror
on Netflix. I don't care what
happens to the Smurfs or
the Dances with Wolves or whatever.
The giant Smurfs, yeah.
No, it doesn't matter.
It's Ferngully.
Yeah.
I didn't watch Ferngully.
It's exactly that fucking movie.
Dances with Wolves.
It's a bunch of things.
It's interesting.
I feel like, so that movie dropped at a time that 3D was just happening and there was a
lot of hype and excitement around it.
And it was the first movie to do 3D pretty well that I know of.
There was some, every once in a while
there'd be a scene but this was a whole 3d movie people went there and enjoyed the 3d experience
mostly but their takeaway was this was a great movie and then yeah but like star wars i've said
this before uh jaws there are a lot lot of movies that impacted that are part of
American culture. But Avatar,
for having been one of the top grossing movies
of all time,
has zero impact on our culture. No one quotes
Avatar.
I know Sigourney
Weaver was in it, but I don't even remember what that guy's
name is. Was Bill Paxton in it?
Am I wrong about that? I don't think so.
Do you remember a lot of the classic quotes from that movie get out my dinosaur don't cut that tree down
is that how they sound yo don't be cutting my trees down yeah that's how they sounded right
yeah yeah blue right I can't say that shit motherfucker
yeah it's a very bad
very not well I just
it wasn't a bad movie it just it wasn't what it was
trumped up to be and the problem is
that it's I think it's Ridley Scott has
is so focused on that he can't make a
decent goddamn alien movie which is some shit
I actually care about
what do you mean like another serious alien can't make a decent goddamn alien movie, which is some shit I actually care about.
What do you mean?
Like another serious alien.
He means the,
you know, the movie alien,
you know,
aliens,
the alien movies,
you know,
Morse,
like a remake.
You want him to do a remake of it?
No,
no,
they've been doing continual sequels,
prequels,
the rest of it.
We want to see a Prometheus that doesn't suck.
I've only seen alien and aliens. This is the only two two that's really all you need to see 15 of them there's alien three
there's alien resurrection then there's alien versus predator which is kind of a
terrible dirty love child of and then there's alien predator requiem and then there's um um
what starts with a P?
Prometheus.
Prometheus.
And then what's the sequel?
What's the one that came after Prometheus?
Don't know if I've seen it.
Oh, that's the one where they go to the planet and it's got the funny guy from Eastbound and Down in it.
Danny McBride.
Danny McBride's in it.
And he plays a serious-ish character
and he does a really good job.
Covenant, Alien Covenant.
Yeah, that's the sequel to
Prometheus, which is still a prequel
to Alien. Prometheus wasn't bad.
Was it?
It wasn't nearly as bad
as Alien vs. Predator.
Alright. I didn't hate that movie. Put together
the greatest crack team Earth can.
Well, do we have enough money? Yes!
I'm literally the richest man that's ever
lived. We can afford the best of the best.
All right.
What are we doing?
We're going to another planet, so we're going to need exobiologists, engineers, the smartest, the best of the best.
All right.
We've got them here.
Now, what should we do?
Well, they should probably wander around in this big alien cave and touch shit with their unprotected hands.
They'll do that, right?
Wait.
Did we bring a map of any kind?
No.
Let's wander around and get lost
let's all split up exobiologist to the left engineer to the right where's the super genius
everybody splits up and starts poking shit the four of us know better than to poke some alien
goo that's clearly alive there's a part where like says you i'm gonna lamprey there's an alien lamprey that comes
out of some goo and goes like a cobra and he goes hey little fella i just i'm the smartest
man on earth and they're paying me a billion dollars to do this so come here come here a
little buddy yes let me take my gloves off god damn it k, Kyle. You're right. It is a bad movie.
It's a bad movie.
Oh, that is so dumb.
I wasn't thinking about that part.
All movies are dumb.
It's the Weyland-Yutani Corporation.
They literally have a monopoly, period, on Earth.
They just do everything now.
When you look at the description of the Weyland-Yutani Corporation,
it's not like, oh we make weapons you're like yeah we're a weapons slash
auto slash medical slash industrial slash uh agricultural farm it's everything they do
everything now there's like three companies that exist and they're the biggest of the three they
do every fucking thing they've built a goddamn starship like like like they've gone to another planet across the goddamn galaxy they're the
richest people that exist like everybody that shows up there is a dum-dum now you could make
the the you could suppose that oh maybe they brought dum-dum so they would step in shit and
they get to watch how it all went down but that's not it either it's just bad writing it's just lazy writing yeah yeah okay i'm not yeah it's not a good movie all right you've convinced
me i will not be watching it again i do remember watching alien versus predator during like it came
out during like near halloween i'm gonna say it did years ago and i saw it in theaters i just
remember being like three quarters of the way through that and just not caring who won are you talking about
the one where they go down into the antarctic pyramid that's under the ice yeah are you talking
about the one with the small town because that's alien predator requiem and that's even worse
no i only the first the first one the one with the black chick yeah that one's okay that one's
like a five out of 10 or something like that.
It's kind of fun, but you kind of got to suspend your disbelief.
If a movie has the word versus in it, it's going to be bad.
Generally speaking, yeah.
Freddy versus Jason.
Oh, that was a masterpiece.
Alien Covenant, which is a sequel to Prometheus.
That one gets real nutty.
It's a direct sequel,
but the only returning cast member is
that pretty man who plays David,
whose name's escaping me right now.
There's one returning cast member for this.
Well, it's the only surviving cast member
from the first one.
Everybody else died, and he's an android.
Their careers died with the first one, sure.
Michael Fassbender? Michael Fassbender. you know everybody else died so and he's an android careers died with the first one sure and it's like fast bend michael fast bender and so they're on this generational ship you know the kind that the idea is that like everybody's in sleeping pods asleep and they're traveling
really far across the galaxy to this planet that they know is habitable and i want to say they all
wake up because they're getting a radio transmission and uh and they they say oh shit look there's a pretty good planet right here right here's one like like
it's it's another 30 years to get to where we're going let's all let's just check this one out and
they're like I don't know maybe we should just go with the plan you know um are we even qualified
to make these kind of decisions and then he rides
like yeah of course we are let's go they literally land on the planet wearing fucking jeans they they
land like they their protective gear came from like fucking walmart like they're wearing like
like fucking t-shirts and jeans and they land on an alien fucking planet and immediately i was like what
if there's germs or like like like any of the many thousands of things that could you don't know it's
an alien planet anything could be there that could kill you and sure enough somebody steps on a
fucking mushroom and it goes with these little spores and the next thing you know people are
mutating shit's popping out of their bodies. Now the ship's getting blown up.
It was awful.
It was awful.
It was awful.
Meanwhile, really, Scott's over there fucking making blue people again
instead of making a decent alien movie.
It's very upsetting.
It's a little bit like a fetish here going on with this, right?
It's large blue people, right?
Like that's this close to furries yeah oddly specific right like it's a it's a race of native
americans who are blue and larger big blue cock so hot it's gonna be a pornhub category
no because they don't have penises they have tail fucking uh they're like uh hair braids
fucking they do that sort of like comes out yeah it's like a um ponytail they've evolved past
dicks and pussies now they just have weird very vanilla braid sex lame how many positions can
you possibly do a lot open your mind taylor there's nothing else to do i'm gonna suck on those braids what
are they gonna do 69 will they do it they look like kendall's down there they don't have pussies
and dicks well i feel like they've got pussies and dicks no otherwise they wouldn't have the
hair thing well yeah cloacal is are we going back to this again with you first of all we did
determine that chickens are one of those birds that just does a little deposit
thing remember a cloacal kiss yes a cloacal kiss we did we did learn that a lot of birds don't
have dicks so i will not be blind i hate i hate that you were so ignorant about the way about
where eggs came from that you stumbled ass backwards in the fact that they have cloacal kisses
and they were like, aha!
I told you that chickens don't
fuck. And it's like, you didn't.
If they
had said chickens have huge
penises and they're actually called cocks
and that's why we call cocks penises, you'd have been like
oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay. Fucking right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay.
Fucking bullshit.
What we ended up discovering is that chickens don't fuck.
We did discover that, yes.
Yes.
Now who's the slightly bigger fool?
There are definitely birds with dicks.
Ducks have fucked up dicks.
I'm sure lots of no normal looking bird dicks that I've seen.
I guess they think our dicks look weird.
So let's not be too harsh.
I like the animals that have barbs on their cocks.
Yeah.
No dogs do that.
No, they've got a knot.
Yeah.
The knot that locks them into the dog pussy.
Yeah. So does it just unknot as they lose their
boner is that how that works yeah it inflates and deflates so i'd imagine absolutely not which
for a dog tastes like six seconds they're just done or you could either that not right pardon
like if the if the whole thing lasts six seconds, incredible they needed that anchor. No, no, no.
You're missing the point of the knot.
So the sex happens, the dog penis and dog vagina,
and then as he's finishing, as he's going,
the knot at the base of the penis is slowly swelling
and getting larger inside the vagina.
And somewhere around the time of ejaculation,
maybe a little before maybe
a little after it has swollen to the point where now it can't come out and so the dogs have to do
that like ass to ass thing where they just sit and chill for a while while they wait on the knot to
deflate so they can separate and this period of time is when the insemination is occurring because
otherwise the the the semen would just
come right out of the vagina and
the bitch might not be
properly bred
as we say at my house.
It's to
ensure fertilization.
If the dog were to
lose his heart on a little quicker, like showing pictures of
baseball, then there'd be no baby.
Correct.
Yeah.
Actually,
I think that would really turn him on.
He'd love to see that baseball.
He'd be like,
yeah,
yeah.
That's fair point.
See the tennis ball and just swelled right back up again.
But then, I went about this all wrong.
I think pigs have that corkscrew
penis.
Are you sure?
I'm going to use Google Pig Dick.
Yeah, please. Google Pig Dick.
I want that on your Google search.
I put pig penis. I'm not a weirdo.
I put...
I misspelled pig.
I'm a genius.
This one's corkscrewy
this one is not
oh no they're all a little screwy
what did they say why
is yours an actual pig dick
because I'm looking at a YouTube video
I love the look on Woody's face
when he found the corkscrew
yeah dude and it came out
like it appeared.
Oh, my God.
So at first, I thought it was going to come straight out and have a corkscrew.
But no, it seems to do that on its way in and out.
And this thing is going in like, whew.
There's a YouTube video called, This is What a Pig's Penis Looks Like.
You can Google it yourself, guys.
This is just showing a recipe for pig penis on a stick wow you know if you didn't tell me that was pig dick it doesn't look bad
yeah and then i want to say which which animal is that has the barbs on their penis cat the cat yes the cat has yeah yeah i think it's all i think all cats i think
oh that's why you don't fuck a cat folks let's see cat penis you don't get fucked by a cat kyle
that's why you don't get fucked by a cat folks yeah they're there's it's kind of gross looking
there are some spines on there definitely god well that's enough of gross looking. There are some spines on there, definitely.
God damn.
What does a corkscrew do?
What is the point?
It's just because cats are mean and they don't want anyone to enjoy it.
Not the spikes.
The corkscrew on the pig.
Why?
No idea.
Maybe there's a corkscrew pussy.
Because that's how ducks are.
Duck pussy is like a maze.
Really? It's like akscrew pussy. Because that's how ducks are. Duck pussy is like a maze. Really?
It's like a labyrinth.
And it goes...
That explains the trouble I was having.
Yeah.
Just keep your hand touching the right wall
and we'll make our way out of here.
Do swans have that?
Or geese? Do geese have that the maze thing because
uh yeah now you gotta look up geese goose pussy
so i was having some trouble with the geese vagina thought maybe they explain it
do animal genitalia dot biz how bright pages taylor like it looks like you're like trapped
in like a basement or something there's a bright spotlight of goose vagina in your face right now
so taylor tans him it's just a whole article of different animals dicks
incredible yeah the ducks are really really just Oh, the ostrich dick.
There's something with birds and spiral penises.
Okay.
Well, all that now.
So, Filthy, where can everybody
find you?
Filthy Robot on Twitch.
Filthy Robot on YouTube.
That's probably the best places.
Filthy underscore Robot on twitter how about
that there you go all right any anything else from our wonderful sponsors nope we are all good
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episode 506