Painkiller Already - PKA 525 w Jericho - Celebrity Death Pool, Belle Delphine Shows All, Tom Segura's Accident
Episode Date: January 12, 2021...
Transcript
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Painkiller already, episode 525 with our guest Tucker Taylor.
This episode of PKA is brought to you by Blue Chew and Express VPN.
Tucker, it's so good to see you.
Welcome.
It's been so long.
I mean, dude, Chiz was chasing me down and I was like,
I just want to take like a solid four to five month break.
It's been a long time since we've had this much time between shows.
So it was overdue and it's good to start 2021 with you guys one week in. Yeah. It's been a long time since we've had this much time between shows. So it was overdue, and it's good to start 2021 with you guys one week in.
Yeah.
It's funny.
My girlfriend, she was my girlfriend last time you were on.
Now she's my fiance.
And she listens every so often.
And she's always like, oh, Tucker's on this week?
He's my favorite.
I want you to start referring to her as your ex-girlfriend.
That would be best.
I like that.
I certainly will forever more.
That's really good.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
I'm going to refer to Jackie as your ex-girlfriend
from now on too.
I am too. I'm a big fan.
This is good.
She'll hate that.
Is she going to be all right with that?
She's stuck with me now.
Yeah.
So you're in a new place right now, Tucker?
Yeah.
Yeah, I forgot.
So last time we talked, when was that episode?
It was like end of summer, maybe.
I don't know.
I can't remember.
Something like that.
Yeah.
And I was like looking for a new place to move because I had been living in that apartment for better part of four years now.
And it was nice. Right. When I moved. But it was like 800 square feet, like a pandemic.
Yeah. We were in the middle of the pandemic. I was like, I guess I just want to, you know, get out of here. So, um, my friend was a realtor or is a realtor currently. She didn't die. And
she, uh, she was like, Oh, I've got a couple of these properties that came on the market that are,
that seem like right down your alley. I know you've been thinking about it for a while.
And she showed me this one that I'm in. It was an office building. So while an office space,
so it's a, it's a loft, which is great. It's in downtown LA, which I really liked.
office space so it's a it's a loft which is great it's in downtown la which i really liked um i used to live in west hollywood and i came in and i was like nobody's gonna buy this because
they it was a two-bedroom three-bath uh loft right i walk in it's it's not it's no bedrooms
and they replaced the bath in one of the bedrooms with a conference room, which is what I'm sitting in now.
So so I was like, who's going to buy this?
And so they cut the price by like 15 or 20 percent.
And I was like, great, cool.
Let's move in.
So, I mean, it's a really weird space, but it's kind of fun because I did.
I never had it.
I'm a little I bought it.
Oh, I bought it.
OK.
Yeah.
So came in at a good time because you know
real estate is in a weird spot right now especially with the pandemic and not a like single family
homes apparently were like you know they're on the market for two days and they're gone anybody
who wants a little bit of backyard space whatever especially in the city here so the fact that i was
looking for like an unusable uh it used to be like one of those rent to gather,
like for corporate party loft.
So nobody is buying that right now.
Like it's,
it's a useless space.
So I got a,
I got a pretty good deal and I'm stoked about it.
Dude,
think of the amount of mistakes that have happened at office parties in your
home.
Think of the amount of hiring,
the amount of preemptive hiring,
you know,
of boss fucking intern.
You're sitting in a hot spot of his
is there a copy machine with an ass print in there somewhere
I mean alright so what's
let me try and explain some of the weird stuff
in here so I mean the weirdest
thing is that the sconce
light fixtures are small
cherub babies with their heads cut off
and the light bulb for a head
just kind of one of those weird things where you look at it
and you're like who was like yes this is the we need three of these on the wall but that's like
yeah but i gotta keep them because they're so weird everybody walks in like what the fuck
is that you're gonna you're gonna replace them and then like you'll get haunted and the ex-owner
will come back and be like you replaced the sconces that's all that was keeping them away some mystery man
from louisiana i gotta ask this though like like is your car now safe because like when your car
was getting vandalized like i'm one of those people that would like really be upset about
that and you've got a nice car i i did i used to have a nice car so my lease ran out um in may so
right when the pandemic was first coming into
play and everybody was shutting down any reason to travel, I haven't gotten on an airplane in
nine months, which is crazy to me. And so my lease was up and I was like, I guess I don't really need
a car. I haven't driven in one whole month since March. So I haven't had a car since then.
This new place does have an annoyingly secure garage where you need two key fobs and a key card to get to the residential zone.
So I can't like ask a friend to come park up there because they don't have all this shit.
But if I had a car, great.
Don't have a car.
Yeah, I guess you could.
You're a good use case for like a really cheap lease to like one that has super low miles, you know, being where you are. Yeah, that's what I had. I had it was a C43 AMG Mercedes, which like for that it was
brand new for that model year. It was like six hundred and seventy six hundred ninety bucks a
month. Right. But I said, I'm only going to put three thousand miles a year on it for three year
lease. And they're like, what the hell? So i got it for like 480 a month which is the same price as the car that i had given in the c300 without any of that
shit so i was like oh this is a no-brainer for me but i mean i yeah what did you say the mileage
was i didn't catch it 3 000 a year but i only put 7200 miles in three years on it. They credit you back for that?
No, I didn't even ask, honestly.
I was like, thanks.
Well, I mean, the rims were really scuffed up from like,
you know, and I was just like,
you guys just want it back?
And they looked at it, they're like,
we'll take it back.
And I'm like, great, I'm going to leave now.
Yeah, the last lease I turned in,
I had wrecked it and I never told never told them and uh and i was just like
so we're we're good here they're like yeah yeah you can leave uh hey i can interest you in the
new model and i was like no no no have a good one have a good one i'm gonna i'm gonna go meanwhile
the acura tl had sustained some serious damage i like i used to sell cars and i've done plenty
of leases i don't know what you're supposed to do when you wreck a lease.
How did you know?
I told you.
I had it repaired, shoddily.
Okay.
I didn't get into an accident.
Somebody rear-ended me. An uninsured driver
rear-ended me in that car, which was lovely.
That was the start of all
of this.
Because I didn't know
either. I was was like i don't
even own this car like do they just take it and give me a new one i called mercedes up and they
said oh we don't actually do any of the repairs you can take in one of these 13 000 shops across
california and just they'll fix it and then that's that and if we have any problems with it it's the
shop's fault not yours and i was like perfect i don't know if that's the case with all of them
but it's like very enticing to have a lease over owning a car,
especially if you like getting something different every three, five years.
Yeah, and if you are accepting the idea of a car payment is a way of life.
I know Woody drove his little truck for a decade or more or something,
and I'm sure there was some security in knowing,
I own that car.
The only cost that's going to come from it is like putting a new set of
tires on it every four years.
Yeah.
When I,
um,
when I left my sort of steady paycheck and went to YouTube,
even though things were good,
like you never know when the bottom drops out.
And it felt like I was on the edge of getting canceled 10 times,
you know,
in five years,
I always did something that was, you know, made a whole series of YouTube videos about me.
There were people devoted.
You were a boogie man.
He was known as the bad boy of YouTube.
They refer to him as El Diablo.
Yeah.
It just felt like everyone hard scoped everything I said,
looking for a reason to cancel me.
And stuff like having the mortgage and the cars paid off felt good that's fair that's what i want no mortgage well i don't own anything on my car
i'm the opposite of you guys i don't need something new every three to five years i
want something that's never going to break down and like you said the most expensive thing is the
tires i'm actively looking right now i was just talking to my dad about that on the phone not yet
22 years old you might have other things to pay for.
That car won't break.
The ultimate car.
What?
Those post office mail delivery cars.
Those have been in use since like the 80s.
I'm going to buy myself one of those.
And I can drive it.
80 horsepower.
I looked into it.
It's like 80 horsepower, no AC.
Backroads.
And the window, the door's always open.
Does it happen to you? Which helps with the AC. And you have to the window, the door's always open. Does it have a door, which helps with the
AC. And you have to get used to driving on the
right. It'll be like I'm in jolly old
England every day.
I'm just ruining
traffic going 35
on the highway. I wonder what
the top speed of...
Fucking 50 or 60 tops. That's a good
guess. It can't be more than 50.
75 miles per hour.
That's perfect.
I promise you,
that's one of those
numbers that they're like, but don't do it.
Don't do it.
Well, you could eat
60,000 calories of honey a day.
Don't.
Yeah. I just remember being blown away when i heard that those are
like i think it's since like 1992 all those old ass looking mail cars yeah earlier than that
the 80s they had the usps had to put them through like a uh like a circuit to make sure that they
were capable and i'm looking at it and it's just you know it's like a thousand key presses yeah it's just like
driving circles for
5000 miles at 55 miles
an hour straight I'm like
alright like
that's a little test
if something is like a piece of junk
they won't do that
that's pretty good like NASCAR cars
can't fucking do that.
Did we engineer those?
Or did we like get Korea or someone to make our mail trucks? Oh, that's American made right there.
If that's American, that's the last example of tremendous American engineering.
Right?
Well, Tesla's been pretty good, I guess.
I feel like American cars are now on par with all the other cars.
Yeah, it's cheap.
Okay, well, we're definitely-
I would be interested to know like horsepower versus cubic inch like that ratio compared to japanese cars because i feel like
those like gtrs and stuff like make so much fucking horsepower for such a small engine i
think you're right i was just looking at reliability tucker sure no i was just gonna
ask if you meant like um do you think that the u.s has more horsepower for the dollar or you think that the US has more horsepower for the dollar or you think that
like because I think
that's true for sure I think American cars
even taking out SUVs which nobody
else in the fucking world drives but us
right or at least to the magnitude
that we do
you're right
North Africans love Toyota
those are pickups those are Tacomas baby
but no I thought...
The official pickup of Boko Haram.
Did we talk about this?
Did you tell me about the...
There was a raid where they used Tacoma pickup trucks
to drive across a minefield in Northern Africa,
and there's this whole thing on it.
Instead of Calvary, they used Tacoma.
I've seen a lot of terrorists driving those tacomas and stuff like
like like isis that's their preferred vehicle isis yeah it's called the great toyota war
in 1987 the great toyota war of chadian libyan conflict
the real thing a chadian libyan conflict i'm glad we don't have chatty and libyan like conflicts
here just our biggest concern is fucking if we've got enough clorox bleach to sanitize our homes and
which car to buy next remember like like seven or what was it nine months ago when this started
when they're like there's this hand sanitizer breach and every company like a shortage and
instead of like purell and Germ-X,
like they're like, hey, we just upped production.
It's going to be fine in about three weeks.
Every alcohol company on the planet,
everyone's like, we're switching all production
to hand sanitizer.
And it's like, why?
Now it's everywhere.
There's way too much of this shit.
Is that true?
This is something you might know.
It's, there's way too, like Tito's and shit is like we took five of our production factories and dedicated two weeks and it's like
I think that's just my line guy quit because you're about to lose a lot of market share
So I can spin off when I when I worked at Cisco
There were these Indians I work with and they had like a a fascination, almost like a worship of American culture.
So you guys remember the D.C. sniper?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good times.
Well.
Out and play.
The gas stations were competing with each other on the basis of protection from the D.C. sniper.
And you'd like drive by a gas station because he was killing people while filling gas.
And they'd have tarps up all over the place fucking circus tents and shit like that so you
couldn't get sniped and my indian co-workers were like this is uniquely american i am very impressed
with the uh entrepreneurial spirit of these gas station owners that's that's why did oh is it bad
i thought it was really good
i tried a little russian there i was like, I'm killing this. Oh, my God.
From the shooter they will.
Anyway.
Turn to the dark side, he has.
Your story about.
He wants to be upgraded by mass shooting is grateful ingenuity.
Your story about shifting production from drinks to alcohol sanitizer kind of rung that bell with me.
It was like, yeah, yeah.
These guys are spotting a market opportunity and jumping on it.
I love it.
Maybe they overdid it.
And also, I –
They went too hard in the paint with it because like they would have –
they know that Germ-X and Purell, like those are two of the biggest companies.
They're going to be fine.
I don't know that.
So you might know more about this than me.
But I'm like – I know my hand sanitizer use went from nothing to something.
And I bet that's true with a lot of people.
For a brief window, it was useful.
But like, I think Germ-X is owned by Procter & Gamble, little mom and pop shop.
I've heard of it, yeah.
They can decide.
Like if they decided tomorrow, they could be like, you know what?
I'm the new crazy CEO of Procter & Gamble.
We're going to make so much detergent that we fill floor to ceiling every retail store in America.
And they're like, we don't need that much Tide.
And he's like, do it.
And I want it done in two weeks.
And they're like, well, we can do it.
See, I didn't know that.
With toilet paper, it's a different thing, right?
Toilet paper went out, couldn't get on the shelves, et cetera, et cetera.
But my toilet paper use hasn't changed at all because of the pandemic.
It's the same.
I reuse mine.
I just roll it back onto another roll inside out.
That's smart.
I didn't think of that.
The smell is awful.
But hand sanitizer, that's a, I don't want to say permanent, but that's a multi-year change in usage, unlike toilet paper.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For sure. permanent but that's a multi-year change in usage unlike toilet paper yeah yeah yeah for sure i think
that i think that people um definitely overreacted to the need for hand sanitizer and still do use
weight you know it kind of reminds me of like the um toothbrush or toothpaste ads where like you
only need a pea size and they're fucking squeezing half the tube on it right every time i see these
germ x commercials it's like one quarter of your hand
full of this alcohol.
Like, that's enough to bathe in it.
Like, you slap your friends with it
and you still got leftover.
Today I have it to be dripping all over the floor.
That's literally how much I use.
My understanding of hand sanitizer,
like, always,
has kind of been like antibiotics.
Maybe that's stupid,
but like, you know how, like, you get on antibiotics if you need them.
And then as soon as you're able to get off them,
you get off them because you're fucking with your gut flora and you're messing
with everything.
And you start,
you can get,
you can get sicker and be become like susceptible to viral problems.
If you take antibiotics too much,
same way.
Aren't you supposed to finish your course of antibiotics,
even if you feel better?
No,
no,
they do.
That's what I meant.
I'm saying like,
as soon as you finish that course, like you don't want to get back on antibiotics because okay
i interpreted it as like hey the second you start feeling turn in the corner
stop taking them it's good you correct me because yeah that is what people should do
yeah you want to get five days into your seven day cycle feel better and then immediately have the switch to arsenic then you've got two days for the next time you're feeling bad that'll
take the edge off that's how it works i also thought that like using hand sanitizer over and
over is like would that make you more susceptible like will make your immune system weaker over time
dwight shrewd literally had the same fucking argument on the office. He's like, what we really need is a bowl full of mucus and feces
and filth. And we'll all
just put our hands in it every day.
And Jim's like, okay, so by that rationale,
if any of us need to sneeze, we shouldn't cover our
mouths. We should sneeze on you.
Well, I suppose
so. And Jim's like,
right in his face.
Jim's like, you're welcome.
All right, well, maybe I got that factoid from Dwight on the office
yeah I don't think it
noted virologist Dwight Shute
it's not a substitute
for washing your hands right like if you put
your hand in shit and then hand sanitize
it you just have sanitized
shit on your hands
yeah but it's sure but like wash your hands you But isn't that just dirt? Yeah, but it's, sure.
But like, wash your hands.
You use hand sanitizer when you like touch the screen.
I guess so.
I wouldn't do that.
Sanitize them up, boys.
There's no way anyone in this room is using too much hand sanitizer.
Oh, this is going back to the alcohol companies. There was some tequila company that made hand sanitizer.
And like it was sitting at a gas station or some,
some public place.
I don't fucking remember.
And I like took a pump,
not even realizing it and started rubbing it in.
And it made me want to vomit.
It smelled,
it didn't even smell like tequila alcohol.
It smelled like someone who was wasted on tequila vomited on my hands.
It was like,
I was like holding it up to my ex-girlfriend being like
smell my hand and she's like oh my god oh that's that's the hand sanitizer like yeah
smells like someone vomited tequila all over me talk you're nodding you've experienced the tequila
yeah yeah so it's i think it's the agave uh hand sanitizers because we i ran into it the first time
and i thought the same thing my friend had used it and
i smelled tequila and i was like like you know i gagged a little bit i was like that's such a harsh
smell because i was just a hand sanitizer like i think it might be the agave it's the only reason
why i could figure it's gotta be like what's agave it's what tequila is made out of oh it's
like a cactus juice they ferment that's what like aloe is made out of. It's like cactus juice they ferment. That's what tequila's made out of? Cactus?
Yeah.
Yes. Good tequila.
Yeah.
The good kind's made of cactuses.
Yeah.
You want 100% agave tequila.
Anything else is just...
If they don't say 100%, then they're just
meeting the legal requirement
of agave in it.
And that's why I love.
Yeah, that's why like cheap Jose Cuervo like gives people headaches because they're using like grain alcohol to like mix in with like 15% agave or something.
And it tastes like shit.
It burns like hell and it gives you a hangover.
Yeah, yeah.
True.
And phosphates with wine, you know?
Yep.
Yeah.
The tannins.
Is that also in there?
That's a word. That's a wine word.
It is a wine word. I know that too.
Yes.
The tannins.
Sommelier?
Tell us about the mouthfeel.
Red. Yep.
That's the answer.
Bold. It's a bold red.
Crisp.
I like it.
I like it.
Ice cold with three ice cubes.
I'm going to buy a really nice wine.
I love that scene in The Sopranos when Furio brings back this wine that his family made
in Italy.
And the Russian caregiver is like, she takes a sip and she's like, it needs ice.
And he looks at her with such disgust as she goes to their fridge and puts ice cubes in his family ceremonial fucking wine they made by hand.
Well, he's some Italian guy savoring the wine and she's some Russian lady drinking with purpose.
Yeah.
This is slowing me down.
He literally leaves the room.
He's like, I'm going to go check on car.
Just fucking leaves.
Fucking leaves.
So I know you're talking about tasting stuff. I'm having
Stevia right now for the first time
ever.
Have you guys had this? Yes.
It kind of tastes chemically
for me.
Stevia is in a lot of
it's Stevia and Splenda for the
sugar free stuff, right?
Yeah. Yeah. So I thought it was newer. Apparently I'm in a lot of it's stevie and splenda for the uh sugar-free stuff right yeah yeah i i so i thought
it was newer apparently i'm late to the show here it is not like sugar i i thought it is this
sweet it's like a it's like a sweetener agent but it doesn't taste the same as sugar it just makes
shit sweeter i don't know it's It is the farthest you can get
from sugar while still pretending it's sweet.
Like, you can't get further
away. I think antifreeze
tastes better. After
drinking a ton of these, like I get these delivered,
I drink a ton of them. I like them.
But if I see it at a gas station
like, oh, diet A&W root beer,
and I buy that and I start drinking it, it's like,
oh, Zevia
blown out of the water
not even a contest
Aspartame bends Stevia over
and rapes it
it's not even a competition
if Stevia and Aspartame
met in a dark alley
you wouldn't even be able to look at Stevia afterward
and recognize a body
Taylor all of these sweeteners suck sugar's dick
sugar is the king of sweeteners and then cane sugar comes in and it's just like hi i'm here
then the mexican sugar we're in the sombrero company everybody up the finest sugar in mexico
i guess that's why they're the fattest well agave is that would be agave that would be the mexican
sweetener of choice well Coke uses cane sugar.
Mexican Coke is cane sugar.
The ones in the glass bottle.
The tall Mexican Cokes.
They're so good.
I can fucking treat myself.
Get two of them.
Do you know when they made that switch?
It's when they introduced new Coke
and everybody had a fucking meltdown.
Don't worry people, we're going back to the old Coke.
But they didn't. They never did.
They went back to the old formula, but they made it fucking corn syrup instead of cane sugar because it's a little bit cheaper.
Everything is corn, dude.
Everything is.
There's so much.
Have you seen that video?
Or maybe it's an article.
It's like everything is corn.
And it goes through all of the things in the U.S. that is made from corn and corn byproduct.
And it's in
stupid shit that you're just like why is it inside the like tv like why it's cheap
because they can grow it efficiently yeah true and um it is cool how we can use it for something
you can use more of the corn than than you might know like uh you know of course the the ears thing
we use but i think you can feed livestock, the stalk and like, yep.
They don't.
They're silage.
Thank you.
And there's so many calories per acre in corn, like more so than any other crop by a ton.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So when.
Yeah.
When the.
Oh, is that why?
Yeah, I guess so.
It's not necessarily super dense.
It's just dense.
Like in terms of.
It's pretty dense.
And like, as you mentioned, it's like necessarily super dense it's just dense like in terms of it's pretty dense and and like
as you mentioned it's like six feet tall and you know the thing about soybeans those things are
like knee-high at best yeah they're bitch beans yeah they're just yeah who knew that soybeans
were actually the soybeans of the bean world yeah the black beans and the baked beans
like beans like give you more tea.
But we're so useful.
Shut up, soybean.
Nobody bakes you.
I'm delicious.
Nobody gets excited about you, soybean.
That's not true.
I don't even know what they're used in.
I bet I eat them every day and don't know.
Soy is used in so much stuff.
It's like a filler.
It's in everything.
Soy protein is
another big one.
Yeah, you can make a ton of stuff.
Stevia sucks.
Well, you gotta use a lot of it. That's the thing.
What do you use?
You use a whole tablespoon of
stevia for a cup of coffee, not one of those
little packets. Dude, these packets are pretty much empty.
Like only this bottom corner from like here down has any sugar in it.
Yeah, you need literally eight times that much minimum.
Hold on.
I'm going to rip off this much.
I didn't spill any, right?
I could take off more.
Pour it directly into your mouth so we can tell it's full.
I don't know why.
Like, don't be afraid of sweet and low.
Like, I put like a tiny sprinkle of sweet and low
in like coffee.
Like, there's no way saccharin is going to hurt you.
Yeah, make your own concoction.
Do a little like one, two parts stevia,
one part sweet and low.
Then you're getting less of the sweet and low.
Yeah.
Honestly, I've done that.
Sweet and low is saccharin.
And it's like super powerful sweetener
you're just in there fucking grinding up a bunch of white powder trying to make
the feds are not gonna like my probation officer comes in so uh about this mortar
pestle uh white powder situation you got going on here what i gotta know it's exactly what it
looks like i'm creating a sweetener. You're under arrest.
Shit.
Have you used
nitrous oxide?
It's a natural sweetener.
So you can use nitrous
oxide. I did use it when I was
a teenager, but are you sure it's nitrous
oxide? I'm not allowed to use nitrous oxide.
Maybe it's not nitrous oxide.
All you do, you go hang out at a rave
and a girl wearing glow-ups
bracelets is going to sell you
a balloon full of it.
Turns out at Grateful Dead concerts,
that shit's all over the place.
Is that what they're all doing?
They're sweetening their coffee.
Yeah.
I've been peeling it
until I get wasted.
Yeah, you can use it
as a sweetener.
Apparently.
How?
It's a gas.
Do you do it like when you CO2
one of those things at home?
What do you call that machine where you carbonate your own soda stream?
I know what you're talking about.
Soda stream.
For those weirdos who like sparkling water
like fucking Taylor. I don't get it.
But aggressively like
static water.
I like that.
Perrier is good. I like that. Perrier is good.
I like it.
I'd rather go thirsty.
You ever wake up in the middle of the night?
Have you ever?
I mean, I know you probably have, Taylor,
but my cousins, when I was little,
used to drink sparkling water,
and I woke up in the middle of the night
reaching for a glass of water
and take a big swig and just cough it all up.
It's so harsh. There is something harsh about it if i have like one of these on my bed stand it's the
middle of the night and i'm not really thinking like have you ever like had a dry throat and you
take a drink of something carbonated and it feels like you're swallowing just a rock with how hard
it just like it's painful actively like you take a big gulp of this in the middle of the night and it's so full of air.
Which water bottle do you have?
Is it one of these?
Oh, me? Yeah.
I have it this color because it's
chroma keyed out when I drink on stream.
You guys are so fancy.
I don't work with that company anymore.
It keeps it cold as fuck all day.
I don't work with blender bottle anymore it keeps it cold as fuck all day I don't work with Blender Bottle anymore
fuck them
it's the first
flask that I've had
because I just got tired of these little
16 ounce cups
I'm streaming, I'll go through
32 ounces every hour, I don't want to keep
going downstairs to get drinks
so I'm like, give me a 30, I don't even know what this is
64 ounces?
yeah, this one's 40 the iron iron flask who pays me no money but i'm it's good it's a good uh water
bottle i i used to be quiet i used to be so into that nalgene bottle and now people give me a hard
time because i'm not drinking from nalgene bottles anymore they're like woody i invested in them on
your recommendation you're supposed to be using nalgene bottles anymore they're like woody i invested in them on your recommendation you're supposed to be using algae bottles forever the guy
it's a good bottle i remember a friend of mine we were in high school and we were only like the
third story or something and now gene was big and he had a nalgene bottle in the window to the
classes open and he'd been like bragging about how it was unbreakable and it was like full of water
and he's like you can drive
over this didn't you yeah okay he dropped it out of the way well if it dropped it probably would
have been fine but he like threw it up a little extra vertical ascension there and it came down
and didn't shatter but it was like seeing someone die in a movie where it fell then you can bounce a little water come out and it was like you fucking
idiot that I literally drove a truck over and you hit it in the Death Star
two by two meter area that would actually destroy this well those are
pretty much indestructible yeah that's what when I was middle, I guess it was middle school or high school,
there were kids that would have that,
and like, you know, dumb kids being dumb kids,
we were like, oh, you get a free one in a t-shirt
if you break it.
So like, build up with water
and throw it as high as you could.
I don't think we ever broke one,
but we didn't drive a truck over it
and then throw it.
You need to get higher.
Yeah, what would the end game be?
I'm like, just throw it.
Be like, yeah, we broke it.
Well, I don't want to go to the post office and mail this, you know, as proof to the company.
So they sent me my t-shirt.
Three to six weeks to get it back.
No, I'm out in another water bottle.
I guess this one was pretty good.
I'll go buy another one.
I like stuff
like that that has that like unbreakable warranty like those leatherman knives the multi-tools
like my dad sends his back like every six months and they'll either if it's so bad that they can't
they don't even want to repair they'll just send a new one but they've put new blades and new like
grips on that thing so many times i think zippo does that like you can have a zippo from like
1919 and be like it's kind of shitty and you can send it back and they'll fix the zippo
like yeah like warranty i have a broken leatherman i don't know how to send it i guess i called him
once i got an rma and then i had to like figure out packaging on my own and the process stopped
there ah i guess it's not that hard probably an envelope will do you know what i don't know about
that but the post office you walk into the post office and they got the little boxes.
I need to get that done.
Yeah, I'd like it back.
It was a good Leatherman.
Yeah, they're great.
Those are really nice multi-tools.
I mean, they're not indestructible, but they'll just fix it.
I know how I broke mine.
I lost it in the bed of my pickup truck, the Tacoma.
fix it i know how i broke mine i lost it in the bed of my pickup truck the tacoma and uh then several times we used the tacoma to carry firewood from like the stable to the house and i just
filled it up emptied it filled it up and then i found my leatherman at the bottom of several piles
of firewood and it was it doesn't yeah close right i had that exact same thing happen with a pair of Ray-Bans. Ray-Ban does not have the same deal as
Leatherman, unfortunately.
That's the problem with... I like
expensive sunglasses. I'm a fan.
But you get one little scratch on them
and they aren't scratch-proof.
And now I hate it. It's like, oh, whenever
I look at the top right,
there's a blurry spot. It's awful.
It just makes expensive sunglasses quite the risk. there's a blurry spot it's awful it just makes expensive sunglasses
quite the risk i have a pair of i have a pair that never leaves my truck that seems to work okay
and then i wear crappy stuff for like activities i'm just really careful with them at this point
because i went through like five pairs of 200 sunglasses and i'm like you know what this one
i'm gonna look after and like i after. I'm just really careful.
If I drop them once though, it's GG.
Yeah, yeah.
For example, the paramoting or the
acro stuff over the lake.
That's not a good expensive glass
thing to do. That's not a
good thing to do at all. That seems so dangerous.
That's fair.
That just seems so dangerous. I'm under 50.
I didn't put myself on my death pool
You're on mine
You can't use Woody
You said if we use the same one it cancels out
Fuck
Neither of us can have Lil Wayne or Woody
I feel so good about my all star lineup
I want to use them all
We're on the subject we might as well hit it
And you can have
Lil Wayne if you want.
Oh, hell yeah. I will take that
to the bank. I will take Lil Wayne.
Lil Wayne can't hang with my
top pick.
And the rules, once again, were
nobody who's actively sick
under 50.
And those are the only rules we laid out, right?
And they have to be human. I don't know where you're going with this
I mean Air Bud
is a celebrity
Air Bud the 7th
found some sick
old fucking dog or something
it doesn't work
they all have to be people
and just because you don't know them doesn't work. They all have to be people. But what is a person?
And just because you don't know them doesn't
mean they're not a celebrity.
Well, I don't know about that.
We'll have to...
Parker will be the judge of who is or is not a celebrity.
If we go too deep, Parker will say yes or no.
Alright.
Do you want to kick it off?
You're proud of your list, Woody?
Hit us with it. What do you got?
Here is my top pick.
My number one.
This is going to make me as much as $15.
Alexei Navalny.
He is.
He's run against Putin several times to be president.
He has 4 million subscribers on YouTube.
He has 2 million Twitter followers.
And he leads the Russian opposition party against Vladimir Putin. He's my top
pick for dying.
And he's under 50? 44.
That's a really
good choice. He's famous enough.
That's a celebrity. He's the Russian
opposition leader politician. I love
this choice. That's your top one.
Who are the rest? I like Chris
Brown. Chris Brown has a history of both
drug abuse and mental
illness six nine similar type thing uh kanye kanye has severe mental illness issues that are only
kept in check by his wife kim kardashian who's surprisingly sane they're getting a divorce i
know he's on my list partly yeah that reason Kanye's too rich to die
I have considered that as a risk
there are people who need him to make them money
but yeah this one
I think some of you guys might have too
Pete Davidson did anyone else pick Pete Davidson
no you mentioned
is that butthole eyes
it's funny I'll share his he does look like
butthole this picture of him
he's got butthole eyes
he has a history of drug abuse and mental illness which is my It's funny. I'll share his. He does look like butthole. This picture of him. He's got butthole eyes.
He has a history of drug abuse and mental illness, which is my under 50 combo. Is he white?
He always looks so dark.
I always assumed he was white.
I'm not a...
I don't know.
Anyone with a skin tone that dark just really turns me on.
Demi Lovato.
She's on my list.
A little bit crazy right now drugs and
mental kelly osborne i think she's a quality pick and then what would she uh drug abuse and
mental illness she's been both in rehab and in um a mental institution before the strong combo
i've done my research on this here's two two long shots, John Jones and Tony Ferguson.
So John Jones, right? This guy, very, very healthy. But Tony Ferguson, he's the one we
always point out. It was an actually crazy person who grabbed his son and jumped the
fence because he heard voices in the walls and stuff. That's Tony Ferguson. John Jones
routinely gets in traffic accidents, drinks and drives. He has these highs and stuff. That's Tony Ferguson. Jon Jones routinely gets in traffic accidents, drinks
and drives. He has
these highs and lows. Now,
the thing about Jon is he's hard to kill.
So, if I only had
five choices, he wouldn't make the cut. You know what?
If Jon Jones gets paralyzed,
that counts.
I'm throwing that out there. He's throwing me a bone.
I like it. Yeah, he's also hard to paralyze.
This guy... He's a young, fit athlete I like it. Yeah. He's also hard to paralyze. This guy,
he's a young fit athlete. If he gets paralyzed and unless a police officer shoots him,
that doesn't count.
Wait,
you're making unilateral decisions about now.
It's not a death pool.
It's a death or serious injury pool.
Only in the case of Mr.
Indestructible.
He's going after like a six foot four,
incredibly fit top of his game athlete and saying that guy
it's a ridiculous he got into a traffic accident with a woman and her arm broke how hurt was john
jones and he starts running laps around the accident to go get things from his car before
he was fleeing the scene to hide his cocaine he fled the scene and then he ran back fleeing the scene to hide his cocaine. He fled the scene. And then he ran back to the scene to get whatever.
Cocaine is a good guess.
It might have been pot.
And then he left the scene again.
Oh, it was cocaine.
It was in his system.
I'll argue with you to the end of days on the steroids thing,
because it's iffy to me.
But he was definitely high on cocaine when he hit that
pregnant woman and broke her arm. He stole Chael Sonnen's
record for most steroids in his
system simultaneously in a
USADA test. Don't think that's true.
You know what? Chael said
it. He wouldn't lie. If you were to get paralyzed in a car
accident or something, that does not count.
That's how I expect
you to die.
Car accidents are one of my leading causes of John Jones death
alright
that's what it would take
two DWIs
I will not pay out unless someone dies
okay okay
I'll keep going
Alex Hinald I mentioned him before he's the guy that
free soloed El Capitan
El Capitan something El Capitan.
Something like that.
Yep.
You guys would probably know him if you saw him.
He's famous enough.
Another guy.
Kodiak Black.
Kodak Black.
I'm barely familiar with this.
Kodak Black isn't going to die, dude.
He's in jail right now.
Oh, yes. That helps with your...
I don't know if you're...
Oh, he's a rapper in prison.
He's going to be fine. He's popular. Oh, he's a rapper in prison. He's going to be fine.
He's a rapper in prison
and apparently
all the
like
Boward County
rappers
are good choices
for death pools.
Go to
Wikipedia page
his entry
and it says under children
greater than
or equal to one.
I've never seen a greater than.
Why is his offspring an algebra problem?
Well, he has at least one job.
It could be ten, it could be two, we don't know.
Or just one.
Tucker might be more up to speed on this thing,
but apparently Bowerd County rappers are a good choice in general.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not super into rap in general,
but yeah, I mean, that specific group,
I guess that specific area is pretty tough.
It'd be like saying Baltimore City rappers are probably prone to die,
which is also very true.
And also you should look into Freddie if,
cause you guys asked like,
Oh,
who would you go for?
The only person that like came into mind would be Freddie Gibbs who got shot
at,
uh,
and escaped and then went to jail.
And now he's out of jail,
I think.
And he's a rapper too.
Uh,
and he's 38.
This is strong.
I only have one more.
Um, and she's only famous enough miley cyrus
in and out of rehab drug problems and uh it goes a little crazy from time to time
and she said she was currently struggling with the going crazy during the pandemic
can i just say that i think that it is infinitely more interesting for a death pool to end on um god it's so morbid
but like yeah under 50
but also like I don't necessarily
I don't necessarily find
betting on like gang violence as
the more like the better like it's
more probable but like it would be
more interesting if like
Miley passed away in this than like
somebody who had a long history with
gang violence and was targeted for something.
You know what I mean?
I see what you mean. Alright, so I get my list
here.
Hunter Biden.
He's 50.
I feel like he knows too much.
Is he under 50? He is 50.
He's 50 or under, right?
I don't know. I don't remember
what we said.
Last time I said I'll allow it
to Kyle 1 because of that guy, but we did say
50 and under, so that's fair.
50 and under, I thought.
Oh, 50 and under. Okay.
You're right.
I feel like he knows too much. Maybe he gets a cyanide
pill from somebody or maybe a
mysterious car accident.
He smokes crack, doesn't he?
He has a smoke crack in some period of time, Taylor.
I like his picture.
Those are the best pictures of him taking a selfie with a crack pipe in his mouth.
Imagine that level of, like, I'm fucking untouchable.
Dad's going to be the president.
Who are you sending it to?
That's my question.
What friend do you have?
If you're smoking
weed and you send a picture of you smoking
weed with a bong, I might be like, sick, dude.
But if you're doing
crack, I'm gonna be
like, who's the market audience
for this? There's a whole group
text of politicians' kids. He's sending
it to Malia Obama
and Chelsea Clinton and Meghan McCain. Y'all are pussies. Do crack with me. group text of like politicians kids he's sending it to like malia obama and chelsea clinton and uh
megan mccain and they're like y'all are pussies do crack with me yeah megan mccain's got a syringe
in her arm pussy no she's just a picture of her at burger king again people give hunter biden a
hard time but dude he is the charlie sheen of presidential children fair enough all right uh my next one and this is kind of like fingers
crossed uh melissa mccarthy i find her to be just repugnant annoying um just just one of the worst
human beings to look to look at and uh it's like it's like that uh that quote of trump talking
about um rosie o'donnell like she's not just she's not just ugly on the inside.
She's not just ugly on the outside.
She's a really ugly person as well.
Like that whole thing where he just tears her apart.
I hate her.
I hate Melissa McCarthy.
I hate her being in any sort of movie.
Just an awful person. What do I know her from?
I saw her in Spy with uh uh jason statham and i thought she was one
of the female ghostbusters like i didn't see that but she was funny in spy i thought that was a
funny i thought she was yeah everybody says she's funny i can't stand her i think i saw her on
gilmore girls two ages ago uh strike three to be fair though jason statham was the funniest
character in that movie jason statham i can't believe you got he got typecast as a guy who drives cars
what made you pick her because she's uh she doesn't look healthy and i hate her
so it's really because she's chubby and you don't like her it's a passion project
all right the same reason i picked queen latifah i I feel like she's overweight, she's black,
and she's in the appropriate age group.
I feel like I think black Americans die just more readily.
I mean, she's just more likely to die,
and she's a celebrity around 50.
Right on the dot at 50.
Kyle's whole list is like 50-year-olds.
I'm cutting them close.
I figure that's the way to go.
DMX.
DMX.
Fuck, who is on my list?
Oh, too late.
Should have went first.
DMX.
What?
I gave you Lil Wayne.
DMX is mine.
Because you want a DMX.
I want a DMX.
I'll trade.
No.
That's funny.
I didn't think so.
Nobody's trading Lil Wayne for DMX. Damn it so uh why is dmx a good pick
uh young ish black man uh in america i just uh andy's andy's uh appropriate aged celebrity i
don't know i just feel like he's in that rap game and uh you know he could easily be shot on the
street or have some sort of drug issue or be running with the wrong crowd.
Just a lot of stereotypes that I'm
just compounding together here to say DMX.
Roger that. Chris Jericho,
the wrestler, our former wrestler.
He's having a tough go of it.
What's wrong with him?
Well, he's getting
cut. I mean, outside of being
vocally right wing
and COVID denier and stuff.
Yeah, I feel like this is a guy not wearing his mask.
He's got a long history of steroid abuse, not just use.
And maybe he's got a weak heart and he's not wearing his mask.
A little bit of COVID pushes him over the edge.
Chris Jericho.
Ex-wrestler.
That's a great pick.
Ex-wrestlers die even earlier than ex-football players.
Yeah, from CTE, battered body, drug abuse over the years.
Good choice, I thought.
That's a good one.
And this one, I think she might even be under 30.
I needed to double-check that, but Snooki.
Snooki from Jersey Shore.
Is she having a hard time?
She is not under.
There's no way she's going to be.
When is she not having a hard time? There's no way she's
prospering in life. Snooki is
33? I thought
she was way older than me. Exactly.
That's why I think she's a strong choice.
She is my youngest pick by far, and I'm
guessing she'll be the youngest pick in the game.
It definitely is. Yeah.
At 33 years old. 33 but
looking 45, that's how you know
she's a strong yeah and i think
does she have anything going on right now like i mean like successfully because i haven't heard
of any like you hear about like dj paulie d and some shit from time to time but i've heard nothing
about snow paulie shore has more going on than snooki right now that's another reason why i
think she's a good contender suicide counts oh counts. Ooh, Pauly Shore could pick.
Oh, I didn't pick Pauly Shore.
That's the end of my list at Snooki.
She was on Celebrity Family Feud.
By the way, that's six.
By the way, I just picked six.
I don't know if that's allowed. I will deduct.
If I need to deduct one, then I will cut Snooki.
I like the idea of going to Snooki.
I'm sorry, going to six.
Oh, sure.
If Taylor has enough. Going to Snooki. I'm sorry, going to Six. Oh, sure. If Taylor has enough.
Going to Snook.
I had Six, but DMX was one of them.
So I'll find a different one.
So my number one, I put, and I took the tactic, all men.
Men die earlier.
And they make bad decisions.
Yes, and they make more reckless decisions.
So number one, I put Ben Affleck.
History in alcoholismism he's been to
rehab a bunch under 50 for sure under 50 how many how old is he he's like on the other side of 40
right yeah i think so yeah he met damon like in their mid 40s i think right i didn't even look
up how old he was because i was convinced he was under 50. He's 48. Okay, cool. I'm glad he is. Lil Wayne, obviously.
I think that's my
ringer pick. Lil Wayne is
going to be, I'm going to live and die by
Wayne in this competition. None of you guys
can hang with someone who actively opposes
Putin.
Number four, I just
looked up a guy and I just
found out that he's not
allowed. I just looked up former football
players with severe CTE and it was like a huge list. And I was like clicking through them all.
And I was like, oh no, I need to go to living football players. So I scrolled down the huge
list and found a smaller list. And I found a guy named Steve Gleason. And I thought he was just
regular paralyzed, but it turns out he has MS.
I just found that out about three minutes ago.
I went by the photo on the Wikipedia page.
I assumed it was a bad tackle or something.
I didn't look.
So I got him.
Travis Pastrana is another one.
He's a professional stunt guy.
That's a fun choice.
He's fantastic, though.
He's great at it, but it only takes once.
You know, Evel Knievel said that, or he would have.
Did he not answer, though? No. jumps out at the he's great at it but it only takes once you know evil knievel said that or he would have um did he got cancer though no punched in the stomach or something that's houdini oh whatever you pulled a woody somehow whatever whatever i don't know uh oh and then this one
alex jones yeah oh 46 years old and then where was my other Jones. Yeah. 46 years old.
And then where was my other guy?
I don't know much about Alex Jones, but I would bet he has high blood pressure.
Oh, that guy is high blood pressure.
With all that cold drop he's drinking.
And he's always red.
He's always yelling.
He's thick and he's yelling.
He's got hypertension written all over him.
He's kind of fit, though.
Have you seen him shirtless? He's got hypertension written all over him. You know, he's kind of fit, though. Have you seen him shirtless?
I have.
He's a thick.
He's a strong looking man.
There's a lot of muscle on that frame.
Yes.
And I've seen him shirtless.
I have a suspicion, my own conspiracy theory, that's his best recent day.
Like, if he took his shirt off right now, he wouldn't look as good as that day.
He didn't hit up an all-you-can-eat buffet and then go post shirtless or anything.
I agree with you there. So I think it's a flattering look at him but yeah uh also have you seen him young he's shredded when he's young yeah alex jones was a
you would he had a great physique he looks like a different person i'll try his head up half the
size yeah look it up you will be surprised at what alex jones looks like young he looks like the the
russian boxer in rocky oh wow what the fucklex jones looks like young he looks like the the russian
boxer and rocky oh wow what the fuck he does you ever saw that he looks really good he was
fucking eigen uh ivan dragoff or whatever right how did he go from that to fat yeah
well it came down to eating and over drinking mostlyinking, mostly. Yeah. He's fat.
He takes a bunch of supplements that are absolutely not approved by anyone other than him.
And so that's, I think Alex Jones is a good one.
My other one, and this is the youngest one probably on the list if you drop Snooki, Jonah Hill.
Jonah Hill is morbidly obese.
Jonah Hill is morbidly obese and he also does something
that's even worse than just being morbidly obese
which is constant up down
up down up down of your weight
in a severe severe way
that's really dangerous for you
you're not supposed to go from 400 pounds
to 180 pounds to 420 pounds
to 200 pounds to 380 pounds
you're not supposed to do that
that's super bad for you
so Jonah Hill is my young pick
is he fat again? what day of the week is it i'm not saying you're
wrong just that i'm out of touch maybe because i thought he got thin his instagram post from
november 20th he looks oh he's got bonies i hate his can you share a link i'm not good at instagram uh sure here
sorry i just like saw they're like so cocky it's like you know when you see those girls
or i mean whomever standing like awkwardly waiting to order coffee and you're like what the fuck
they're like bow-legged yeah look look at them oh what are doing? Here he is in a wetsuit.
So you can't lie.
That's like the beginning of a building implosion.
Like when the bottom part starts.
Yeah, so he's not
fat, right? He's not fit, but he's
not fat, I would say.
He's also effectively wearing a condom. Like you split
that open and he's going to burst out of there.
So I've worn wetsuits probably
a lot more than anyone else here.
They're not flattering.
They just show what you
got really.
He's wider at the hips than he is at the shoulders nearly.
Yeah, that's not good.
My main thing was
that he's fat and that yo-yo dieting
very dangerous.
I think they wanted him to play the penguin in the new Batman
and he turned it down.
He'd be a good penguin. I like him as an actor no fucking bring danny devito back he can still be the penguin devito you changed my mind he was the penguin last time i do know that but
make up i don't remember how good he was as the penguin incredible okay here's what i remember
that was the joke lame batman period to me right that was
like you know arnold schwarzenegger as iceman or whatever the fuck he was no that's before this is
tim burton batman this is uh this is batman 2 that had the penguin in it this this was the batman that
was so dark that warner brothers was like we can't sell toys guys this isn't working and they fired
tim burton and then they went to silly batman
batman and batman returns are both dark as fuck timber and batman i need to look again then yeah
okay i don't know my my my my my my mouth is not working but my mind is open you smell toast
they were they were like the kid they were they were in like some meeting and they're like what's
the black stuff coming out of a penguin's mouth? And they're like, it's blood.
We can't sell toys that bleed.
What are you doing?
He's walking around smoking, murdering people.
I made it black.
Like, orc blood.
It's fine.
You would think that would work.
Yeah, it's penguin blood.
It's black.
Is that a thing?
I don't think that's a thing.
In movies where they want to be able to get away with a lower rating,
they make Blood Black instead of Red.
Okay, so Taylor,
do your list super quick and then carry on?
I did Ben Affleck, Lil Wayne,
Travis Pastrana, Alex Jones,
and Jonah Hill.
Okay, that you finished?
Yep.
You only had five.
I can pick another one real quick.
Fattest celebrities
under 50.
Is Hilary Duff in a tough spot?
How could she be?
She looked really good last time I saw her.
I think going after defunct
Disney stars is a really good play
given how many of them turned to porn.
I don't think he's going to die.
This is a terrible article. Aretha Franklin's
dead.
And far over 50.
Worst off Disney stars.
Success?
17 who have been arrested.
This is what you want to see.
Who was that guy from Saved by the Bell
that did the porno?
He had some silly name.
What was his...
Screech or something?
What was his fucking name?
Wait, why not go after Shia LaBeouf?
Saved by the Bell porn videos?
This is a whole... Oh, there's more than one?
genre?
I'm not going to do that show.
Me either. It was before my time.
Orlando Brown from That's So Raven
got arrested for DUI,
domestic battery battery felony drug
possession was captured by bounty hunters in 2018 that's pretty cool and then also arrested for
burglary man i wish i wish i could have been like like there was a point where i had to like
surrender to the u.s marshals and i was like man it'd be a better headline if i if i was had to
surrender to bounty hunters like i wish we could do that.
All right, my last pick, I pick Jorge Garcia, the guy who played the fat guy in Lost.
Oh, he's still alive?
Strong pick.
An under 50, huh?
I never saw Lost.
It was Screech, and his real name is Dustin Diamond.
Dustin Diamond.
How can that be his real name?
It's like he had a porn name already.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why did you choose Garcia?
Because he was the
fattest person under 50 I could find.
I do like the pic.
I mean, that's a
solid idea.
What am I going to do? That guy looks
like he does heroin. Like, I don't know.
I'll write it down.
Taylor, can you give me your list slowly enough
for me to type?
Ben Affleck.
You know who you could have... Wait, again?
Lil Wayne.
Travis Pastrana.
Alex Jones.
Jonah Hill.
And Jorge Garcia
Jorge
alright Kyle
yeah let me pull it up real quick I've got it close by
sorry Tucker
no no no get it done because I don't want
this is great though Hunter Biden
ooh I like that
that is a solid pick
Melissa McCarthy
your passion project
my passion project
I'd do it myself if I could
Queen Latifah
DMX
don't know his real name
Chris Jericho
and Snorky.
Okay, and for the record,
I'm going with
Alex Nelvani.
Alexi Nelvani.
That's a great pick, I think.
I really feel good about him.
If we were doing a most likely to be poisoned contest,
I wouldn't even allow that one.
He's already partially blessed. If we were doing a most likely to be poisoned contest, I wouldn't even allow that one. I should have just picked a list of South African leaders
or South American leaders
that we're going to depose anyway in the next four years.
All right, Chris Brown, Alex Hinald.
I went with Kanye.
I actually think he's just a lot of fun.
Yeah, if he dies,
it'll be a huge celebration of my prediction there
Kelly Osbourne she just a wreck Pete Davidson he goes in and out of being a wreck but allies
Mm-hmm
Getting he doesn't know that's an early warning sign of death and that's it
Oh, but whole eyes early warnings out of not being funny
That's it Death. And that's six. Early warning sign of not being funny. That too.
I hate him.
I don't know anything about him. I was just being a dick.
He's one of those people on SNL that's just like always
fucking breaking character and laughing.
You're not Jimmy Fallon. Shut the fuck up.
So I got a little
creative with some of these spellings.
This should be 90% right.
But here's the list everyone on our screens.
Alright. Excellent. Alright now. this should be 90 right but here's the list everyone on our screens all right boom excellent all right now wait hold on before we go i just remembered one person who should have been chosen um goldberg from the mighty ducks age 42 um caught for doing meth, and I just sent it in for like the 900th time.
That guy is dying.
Wait, did you know he's turned it around?
For how long?
Good question.
Solid.
I hear you.
I hear you.
God damn it.
That was a good pick.
Oh, I like it.
We don't know his real name, right?
What's the name of Aladdin's helper monkey?
Oh, no.
Because that's what he looks like in the right frame of that picture.
Doesn't he look like Aladdin's helper monkey?
It's a boo.
A boo?
Yeah.
He looks exactly like a boo.
He even looks like he's chewing.
Oh, man.
That sucks.
It's funny you mention that because the picture on the left is the current one.
Really?
I guess everyone knew that.
Oh, maybe not then.
Yeah, yeah.
So that's an after and before.
They just kind of have them in the wrong order.
But he got straight.
He has new teeth.
Yeah, yeah.
Nobody's ever had their photo taken in front of a cinder block wall for a good reason.
That is true.
I promise. Go to the historic cinder block walls of...
No, that is not a vacation pic when you got a cinder block wall behind you for a photograph.
It's never a good day for you.
He's just cutting and bulking.
Okay, so now the most important part, what is the bet?
How does the betting work?
What if there are multiple deaths?
How much money is on the line?
I'll start it.
I'm going to say everyone ponies up $10.
It ends when the first person dies.
Yeah, I was going to say usually the death pool is just first person
dies and because it's under 50 we don't want it should just be one person oh yeah we shouldn't
wait for like someone to get three out of five that could take we'll never have another death
pool if we wait for more than one we may never have another one with this list okay so 10 bucks
each um sure all right it sounds good all right so i have a funny video that i think me kyle and woody have
seen but well it's not a funny video it's pretty awful for tom's girl poor tom it is it is it is
one don't watch it until we've queued up tucker it is one of the most brutal injury videos it is
difficult actually i we cannot watch this taylor it's literally age restricted on your thing no
no i'm not saying we no people will have to queue up on their own we can't oh oh i misunderstood i'm
sorry yeah yeah i mean tucker has to queue up we can't show this it is it is going to be it is one
of the most devastating injuries i've ever seen off of something that looks so milquetoast like
i can't it's not i can't tell if you're joking or not. No, it is...
You know when you kill
a spider and it
crumples in on itself?
That's what you're about to see happen
to Tom Segura.
Who's Tom Segura? He's a very famous comedian.
He's one of the Joe Rogan crowd comedians.
Oh, okay. Oh, wait.
I think I've seen him a lot.
It's just so bad. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, wait. I think I've seen him a lot. It's just so bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's age-restricted.
It's copyrighted.
It's going to be everything.
But what happens is he's playing basketball.
He's a clearly unathletic dude.
Is he older than me?
He looks older than me.
Can we just tell them what video to go watch?
It's called Tom Segura Basketball Injury.
Okay, so if you're listening, cue up on that. We're video to go watch. It's called Tom Segura Basketball Injury. Okay, so if you're listening,
cue up on that.
We're about to watch it.
But let's not describe it before it happens.
This is like going up the roller coaster
because we just keep talking about it
and I just see him playing basketball
and I'm like, I just need to...
All right.
We should describe it after it happens
so people can go through this exercise.
Can I cue up and we can watch this?
Yep.
Yeah.
You ready?
Yeah. Three, two, 1, play.
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
And his leg broke on the way down.
Yeah.
So I know what happened. Do you guys
want to know?
His knee blew out, right? And then he tried to
catch himself and his arm folded back.
Yes.
Yeah, so
exactly that. I think he broke his
ACL.
He tore his ACL? He tore his quad
right by the patella.
Fuck.
Thompson's girl just exploded. He tore his ACL. He tore his quad right by the patella. Fuck. I thought. So there's a. I should have been Thompson Gurr.
Thompson Gurr just exploded.
There's a doctor who does these videos, usually about athlete injuries.
Like, oh, you know, did whatever, you know, famous quarterback get hurt this weekend.
Let's look at the play.
Talk about like what exactly broke and what the rehab is like when he might return.
Stuff like that.
It's a great channel.
Anyway, he's like, we don't normally do non-athletes around here,
but let's look at Tom Segura.
And he breaks it down.
And so it looked in the video like the guy can't jump.
Like his vertical is literally an inch and a half or something.
But what happened is he planted his foot and went for it.
He was trying to dunk it, it seems.
This is a guy, I don't think he can touch the net,
but he was trying to dunk it. You don't This is a guy, I don't think he can touch the net, but he was trying to dunk it.
You don't know that.
Maybe the net was really long.
He was trying to dunk it, and he planted his foot,
and then his knee gave out.
After his knee gave out, rather than get any kind of jump,
he just kind of collapsed,
and he put his arm sort of back behind him,
maybe to brace his fall,
and that broke his arm,
and it gets like
dislocated and it's a problem and uh the arm he thinks will heal pretty easily there's not much
soft tissue injury in there but the leg is fucked and will be fucked for quite some time and there's
a lot of pt in his future yeah acl and mcl tears are the most uncomfortable anything with the knee
and ankle um injuries just really bother me a lot. Cause just, I mean, growing up and playing so many sports,
like that was the one thing that your friend would get, you know,
Tara's ACL MCO have to wear a knee brace for six months,
go through PT. And you're like, this is not something I want.
And I've done enough PT for high ankle sprains and knee issues to know that
like running upstairs and you get that twinge
yeah you know you immediately stop what you're doing like oh all right almost blew my knee out
there like gotta walk a little slower next time how'd you get a higher ankle sprain got many high
ankle sprains playing soccer so that's a high ankle sprain i think is when your toe plants and
it kind of points behind yeah i had one of those it was a really big deal yeah my right yeah my right so i had to start wearing a boot like one of those um full like
athletic boots towards the last year's soccer because my right leg it's my planting leg every
time you plant it and you you know if you're trying to kick to the left you have to whip it
all the way around and those are the worst two because it's like it's like almost like a tendon that goes all the way up to the middle of your calf so it's like
everything right yeah anyways they're nasty they're super nasty people just real quick people
think of an ankle sprain and it's not a big deal right the one where you sort of roll to the side
that's rolling your ankle yeah yeah it's a it's a i think it's called a low ankle sprain. But that is, everyone's had it and everyone recovers pretty well.
A high ankle sprain sounds like it's in the same family as the regular sprained ankle you've had.
It's a big deal.
It sucks.
They asked Tom Segura, like, what were you doing playing with those kids?
In the ambulance.
He starts sweating.
Really? Dude. were you doing playing with those kids in the ambulance he starts sweating really dude i poor guy that's it looked like it hurt so fucking much that is one of those injuries
where like you have to almost laugh when you're watching it to like make yourself feel less
uncomfortable because it's like oh i can't imagine that being me crumpled like a dead spider
on the basketball floor.
And then I didn't notice until this watch through
and I'd only watched like two times before.
When the guy comes over and puts the arm back,
it's like...
You know it had to be done,
but also that had to hurt.
Yeah.
I would have been the guy like, I'll go get help.
We've all got phones.
I'm already running.
There's a term for that, what he did to his arm.
I think the guy wasn't trained.
He was just a casual kind of straight in his arm.
But it's like relieving the pressure.
Anyway, doctor on YouTube said it was a good thing to do.
I can't believe nobody's like put the wasted GTA.
Yeah.
I relate to this guy.
Do we determine how old he is?
Tom Cigar?
I feel like he's definitely younger than you and you are in.
You're really.
I see him in my demo after you're not 15 years of life after he's dead.
I'm six years older than him
and two months i didn't i thought he was older than me yeah you can jump all by yourself
uh i feel for him though he poor soul yeah it does suck it's probably hard to be healthy as
a professional comedian like i just imagine lots of restaurant food, travel, different time zones.
Rogan seems to nail it.
Yeah, but he seems like the exception more than the rule.
So does Chappelle.
Obese comedians.
Chappelle nails it.
How about that John Mulvaney?
He's back in rehab, but he looks good.
That's what counts.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, that'll do it.
A little cocaine, that'll thin you right out.
Is that what he's in rehab for?
I thought it was alcohol.
I couldn't pick him out of a lineup. I'm just making a little joke.
His first special was very funny. John Mulaney.
I bet you would.
I agree, Taylor.
I think what you're really getting,
the reason so many comedians look so unhealthy is because
the thing that made them funny was getting
picked on in high school and stuff.
And so they've always been an unhealthy or ugly kind of person.
And they used comedy to sort of counterbalance that.
It makes sense.
That's the fluffy guy, right?
Yeah, Gabriel Iglesias.
Yeah, like all of his bits were about being fat.
Damn, why didn't we pick him?
Oh, Christ.
Tucker with just the seamless layup after
layup here hey the mighty duck guy hey yeah he's only 44 oh christ i that dude's not gonna make it
to 60 we know that that other fat comedian died last year uh uh ralph or maybe two years ago
ralphie may and he was only a little fatter than... Who's the one you like so much
that was really good at picking on people?
Black guy.
Oh, Patrice O'Neill.
That's who I'm going for, yeah.
Hal, you probably recognize John Mulvaney now.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah.
I know his face, just not the name and the face.
Patrice was more than just picking on people.
He was just really good at it.
I said that.
You know he's on The Office, right?rice o'neill yeah he was one of the warehouse guys yeah before daryl becomes the
main he talks about it on ona there's a like usually like you've listened to somewhere
patrice he would rule the roost like he'd go in there and then just boom boom like like he
you know always unless there was someone like uh pat there's some old pat
cooper some like 85 year old comedian went in once and just was the only person to go toe-to-toe and
be like shut the fuck up if they were back in my day you'd be doing the jig on the table for me
and he was like saying something like that and because patrice loved pat cooper he let him get
away with all that but um anyway they were in the room and chris uh rock came in and was like
you know and patrice kind of shut up for him and chris rock was like dude you were in the room and Chris Rock came in and was like, you know, and Patrice kind of shut up for him.
And Chris Rock was like, dude, you were on the fucking office.
You could have been the guy in the seasons right now because this is when it was still going.
He's like, you could have been that guy.
You know why you weren't, Patrice?
Because everybody thought that you were a piece of shit.
Everybody thought that you were mean and rude and unpleasant.
And he's like, I just wanted to go in and do it and get out.
I don't want to make friends.
And he's like, and that's why you're never going to make it, Patrice,
because you're not willing to compromise on friendship.
And someone needs to say it.
No one else is going to say it, but you could have been the guy in the office.
Just know that every day.
You could have been the office guy.
So I don't want to hear you on the radio bitching about not getting work.
And I was like, I like Patrice a lot, but he's 100% right.
Oh, my gosh. Even in the office, he was like, was like i hated him like he was such a piece of shit character like the character was a jerk i love it i've talked about this before but um so howard stern he always rules
whenever he interviews someone and some about his voice and his deep authority like he always did
such a great job and then he interviewed seinfeld Seinfeld just tore the fuck out of Howard Stern.
Oh, your show had low ratings.
You got canceled.
You sucked.
And we had bad.
But, oh, oh, does better lighting make underpants girl funny?
No, it doesn't.
It wasn't your lighting.
It was your script.
And it's like, fucking, this is Seinfeld.
This is Seinfeld a while ago when he was more, like, currently a big deal.
And it was neat
to see Stern get alpha'd.
And I think it's neat to see Patrice get alpha'd.
It takes a Chris Rock to do it. There's always
a Richard Yu.
Jesus.
That was a good line.
That was sick.
That was a great line. I love that.
But like when we
launch our merch line, that needs to be a shirt.
Our imaginary PKA merch.
You have been removed from Spreadshirt.
I didn't even create yet.
You see no joke.
Trump got removed from Silverstein or something to get away with that one.
Yeah.
Sorry, Woody.
What were you saying?
Trump got removed from, I think it's Spreadshirt.
It was one of those companies that like all the YouTubers work with.
And I think it was Spreadshirt.
Is that the one anymore?
Spreadshirt or is there, Tucker, you would know this.
Another one that's close.
People use like Teespring, Spreadshirt.
Nobody uses Spreadshirt anymore.
A lot of people use Teespring, which is like the same, but somehow less shitty.
And then other people use like Fanjoy and like better ones.
The Spreadshirt and Teespring are like, I got a PNG.
I need a blue Gideon blank.
And then you put it on and sell for $3, right?
Versus like, I made this shirt not in a sweat factory and it's made with cotton.
You know? Well, that's what it's made with cotton, you know?
Well, that's what we would want.
What'd you say?
Joy is something.
Fanjoy.
Fanjoy.
Yeah.
Fanjoy is who I have used and I liked them a lot there.
The downside is that they,
I mean,
you guys should be fine.
They don't like,
you can't just be like,
I want to make shirts today.
I'm going to do it on fanjoy.
You got to like talk with them and figure out what you want to make and how you want to roll it out
oh that's you know business trump shirts are still on spreadshirt but uh they got one of those like
merch companies stopped selling trump stuff after yesterday wow so basically after you know the
money is run out that's like four years of it and then you're like, he's got 16 days. I guess we'll just take it out
the store.
I would have disagreed with you about the
16 days thing prior to yesterday.
I thought the Trump train
would just keep on going, that he'd be
really active. I don't keep on going on.
I think the Trump train
is it derailed?
False.
Go on.
Yesterday proved that is it derailed? I think it could be. No. Go on. No, no.
Yesterday proved that it's going to keep on going.
You think the people that were doing that are like the only people, people that like felt that way.
Like there's tens and tens of millions of people who were like,
I wish I was there sitting at Nancy Pelosi's desk.
First of all,
I woke up late.
Like I've been playing a lot of rust.
So like my sleep schedule's
fucked and because i play with a guy from philand and a guy from australia so i gotta be on their
fucking wavelength so i didn't wake up until like 5 p.m and i wake up in my phone and i always good
stuff i look at my phone and it's just every person i know has messaged me are you seeing this
dc is nuts just just one message after another of crazy shit and
i'm like all right fucking wake up like cnn let's go and i see it and it was look wild am i wrong
in saying that the only someone told me today that multiple people died i'm unaware of that
okay the only person that i was aware of that died at that time was that goofball woman who tried to climb through a window and D.C. police or Secret Service, Capitol Police, whatever, shot her in the throat.
Good shooting, bad shooting.
It's a bad shooting.
But who else died?
There's a police officer who died and then two others that were complications.
Were there other shootings?
I don't know.
Were they like heart attacks or
something that's what it's sounding like one police officer supposedly tased themselves
and then died of a heart attack that we're not counting that that's not on trump right
no there's no way all right i just stopped the presses for one moment do any of us blame donald
trump and his what he probably
that have happened if there was no riot dude that is such an embarrassing way to die yes
if he if he's stupid enough today to tase himself to death he was a matter of time it was a matter
of time that is officer homer simpson yeah that guy you know god what an embarrassing why didn't you go with chief wiggums in that thing but okay
only shot others i only shot others or whatever they haven't they haven't announced any of the
like causes of death of the other four other three as far as i know but one tweet that i saw said an
officer who had a heart attack passed away and then yesterday i heard a rumor that someone an
officer tased himself.
So just take everything with a grain of salt.
We only know of the woman who got shot in the throat.
I saw the funniest take about it from some just random person where they're
like,
when it was just made me laugh so hard.
They're like,
this is,
it was after they'd already got into the building.
And they're like,
this is like when you finish a level on a video game and it won't go to the cut scene
and so they're like yeah we took over the is there like a puzzle box or something
is there one
it's like a dog who caught the mail truck where they're like i got it it's like all
right now what no i kind of disagree with you there because like all right so they went into
pelosi's office they also they they went through her emails a guy from the blaze has her emails
has been posting them they stole the hard drives out of a bunch of people a bunch of like uh people's
pcs like lots of pcs had the hard drives pulled um that guy who's running about that i haven't 100 yeah it's the hard drives
okay one of the the guy who has the podium and is running with it yeah he's he's hilarious that
is the funniest picture i've ever seen that was marching that was on photo i saw that on photoshop
battles and someone photoshopped it to have mitch m have Mitch McConnell still on it as he's running with it.
I laughed for half an hour.
Just that guy's unbridled joy as he's like, ah, ah.
Like I got to put him.
The guy who has the like buffalo headdress on with the horns and the painted face.
I saw that.
Up on like the, I don't know what you call it, the dais or whatever.
Like where the Speaker of the House stands to fucking address all of congress or whatever him up there flexing is
fucking hilarious now look i don't want to i i'm conflicted on how i feel about what happened
yesterday because on one hand it's horrible that people died on the other yeah i hate those people
anyway so when when everybody's like, oh, the sanctity of our
capital, it's like, yeah, the place where those greasy politicians get bribed to do the bidding
of our overlords. Yeah. Those people aren't our representatives by any stretch of the imagination.
Those are not the good guys. It's hard for me to paint them in my mind as the good guys so that I can thereby paint those people who storm in there as the bad guys.
I don't like seeing them carrying a fucking Confederate flag into the United States Capitol, though.
That's fucking nonsense.
You're starting to – are we the baddies kind of thing is going on when I see that.
I also don't like that people died as a result of it.
That's terrible too. However,
when I look at it, from what we just,
maybe we have some information that we don't have here, but
it sounds like some fat cops died
of heart attacks. One literally shot
himself with a taser and killed himself.
Tasers aren't lethal, though.
We can just deploy them anytime.
And then the other is,
I saw a photo of that woman, and
I know her family are watchers, and they're patrons and all. And then the other is I saw a photo of that woman and no offense.
I know her family is our watchers and they're in the,
they're,
they're patrons and all right.
Yeah.
She looked retarded.
And I don't,
I don't mean that.
And like,
Oh,
that's retarded.
Right.
I mean,
she looked mentally handicapped.
So maybe don't shoot her in the throat when she tries to like climb
through a glass window.
I didn't think she looked retarded.
Let me try to,
I saw a Twitter post and it was like, this is the mastermind
who was leading the charge to overthrow the Capitol
boys. And she's just like,
she looks demented.
Maybe I'm not thinking of the same
one, but I saw her business
partner posted her
last
conversation with her on Twitter.
And it was like, be safe, please.
I can't stand to lose you. And then it's her with a photo of her on a plane with her mask Twitter. It was like, be safe, please. I can't stand to lose you.
Then it's her with a photo of her on a plane
with her mask on being like,
train's full of Trump supporters.
It's going to be great. I'll watch my six.
She didn't look
like she had a mental disability.
You must have seen
a really unflattering photo.
I looked at a bunch.
This one's representative of what I think she looks like.
Yeah, that's the one that I saw.
I'm going to keep digging because I saw it in our Patreon chat.
What is that photo you provided?
That makes her look like a normal woman.
I got to keep digging.
Is this the one you saw in a spinny hat hat is this the one you thought she looked retarded
um let me come back over to your chat and see what you got oh no my friend it's a picture of
her in the capitol on the day like like i think this might be a terry shivo moment where you've
got pre-stroke terry shivo and i've got post-stroke terry shivo i do put her on a fuckable list okay
i don't think she was retarded.
She was clearly not a retarded person.
This is her on the day?
Anyway, I've seen enough photos here
that I just don't think she's that bad.
Yeah, I think you're on the...
You must have seen her worst photo.
You know, I may have misunderstood
what this photo was representing
because I'm opening it for the first time.
I'm linking it to you right now.
I don't know who this is supposed to be.
I'm sorry.
I've got a lot of discords open right now.
I got to come back over to us.
But I saw this post earlier.
I don't know who that actually is.
I've seen this photo too.
That's the old grandma.
It's just an old lady.
But why is it like, look at the heading and it has 40 000
retweets i thought this was the lady who died it's a nice old lady pose it's a shit pose are
you telling me this tactical genius overpowered the officers protecting the capital i can see
why maybe you inferred that she was the i did yeah yeah but it wasn't the same person dude it's it's
a um it's a rain man type deal she's like a strategic genius but you gotta agree with me you don't shoot that late that lady look
no and she didn't i don't think she got help it's secret service i'm guessing they don't carry
tasers but tasing would have been really good in that scenario. Did you see the video of the one single cop with a baton running up flights of stairs?
Yeah, while turning around and being like, stop on these stairs, I swear.
And then like 30 people turn the corner.
He's like, ah, we'll give them another.
I'll tell you what I did see.
Never mind.
I saw that.
What do you do?
How do you do better?
I don't know.
I don't know what you do there.
1v30.
He's like, this is the line okay wait wait wait
as long as i keep reading what the line is i technically haven't lost
i'm gonna try to find the like the dc police officer who's in the crowded hallway
and he reminds me of kevin no no no he looks like kevin malone from the office
when michael made him cry he is almost tearful like he's one person shouting at him away from
crying am i the only one like so here's one of the things i don't like about what happened
i felt like our capital building was secure i thought it was protected i thought it would be
hard to overrun it It is surprising to me
that a bunch of retards can just walk
in and the police will pull the barriers
back and let them take over
Congress. They stopped
the presidential, or the delayed
I should say, the presidential
electoral counting. They delayed it by
four hours, six hours, something like that.
More. It didn't happen until 3.30 in the morning.
I know. I was watching it. I don't know what it would have happened otherwise but um i think they shut
it down for four or six hours or something and uh um but like it should be harder to take over
the u.s capital than that it should be really difficult like we should the chinese shouldn't
be able to do it let alone a fucking bunch of redneck
cosplayers like the chinese would never be able to slowly walk up into the capital but and they'd
all be shot the second they wear maga hats they can yeah oh go ahead sorry sorry i was gonna say
that this is the biggest thing that i was taking away from from this all was like it was funny to
me until they actually just walked in.
And my thought was like, how big of balls do you have to have to think that I can, with
impunity, break the window of the Capitol building and climb in and then start walking
around the chamber?
Like every alarm bell in my head is like, you're going to get shot.
You're dead.
You can't do that.
Don't do that.
When you are doing school trips, because I grew up in Baltimore and we go down to D.C. every year, like you'd get yelled at for taking your phone out in the treasury.
Right. And like somebody, hey, no phone. I was like, Jesus. All right. I'm sorry.
I'm addicted. Turns out those cry bullies aren't so tough when some when some grown men show up, they run and hide.
running high somebody told me he's like they had friendly fire turned off what it was something like 83 percent of of police officers when surveyed for the hillary versus trump election
chose trump right i feel like there's definitely a non-zero sum of people that were like what do
you mean you're gonna make me fight back against my cousin like i can't do this and they're just
like uh yeah can we watch videos of them pulling the metal barriers back yeah i thought
probably look at the one i just posted this is great i thought there would be a lot more
from the meat traps like i thought there would be like booby traps like actual
well maybe not maybe the booby traps but like some temple of doom i thought that there might
be like the well first of all like the clip i saw that woody referenced like i i was like damn how
did they like storm in and then i watched the, like I was like, damn, how did they like storm in?
And then I watched the clip and it was like, dude, an officer just moved the barrier.
And it was just like, and then people just were like walking as though they were like looking at new stores in a shopping area.
Like, oh, they got a Build-A-Bear.
Oh, fun, fun.
No, I'm not rushing to get to the Capitol.
I'll just take a leisurely stroll.
Not, Tucker, do you want to say something?
I was going to say the one where they're opening the gates,
I don't think we see where they go after the gates are open,
which led me to think that maybe they were opening the gates
because they were going into a courtyard that would be easier to control
than the choke point.
But the TikTok video of the main steps where a couple people get through
and then everybody just fucking goes that's the one
that's shocking to me because like the police just kind of give up like the barrier gets moved and
like fuck it you guys have the capital now it was like so i have all this unconfirmed information
like they wanted to call the national guard in and trump said no and then eventually pence said yes
have you heard that pence can't say yes to that. So it was the secretary of defense is the only one that can mobilize the national guard outside of Trump. And he can only do that
when Trump is not reachable. So some idiots were on Twitter being like, ah, the 25th got invoked.
No, it didn't. The second Trump didn't exercise the guards. The secretary of defense is like,
all right, we need to do it. So we're going to do it. We're not going to ask for permission
for Trump or anyone. So I got a couple of things i want to look at here so the the reddit link is the
officer quaking in fear uh as the crowd rushes in um i saw that one that one was volume warning
if you're gonna use any volume put it on like one percent that is loud but this is great i'm at zero
if you want to watch this people it's okay yeah the guy is just i'm
playing it too he is terrified what can he do right yeah i mean he can't do anything i and and
and he they shouldn't have been allowed inside i'm with tucker like yeah the thought they got
inside it's an embarrassment to me I just feel like
I'm going to go too far here perhaps
were there traitorous police officers
that just let them in the
Capitol building because you know what fuck it
let's have a president who didn't get more
votes or didn't
I saw something that they were understaffed and it was like
that like the police were understaffed
no no that's what I'm saying
like apparently someone said I don't know who maybe it
was even trump it was like hey do we need backup capital police for this and it was like no and so
basically it was i think it was like due to a skeleton crew being there and if like there's
if i'm one of those police officers and i know there's what 14 of us you bet your ass i'm letting
everybody walk past me i'm not not dying for that. Trump himself.
Trump himself is like, we will not take it anymore.
I'm getting this quote right.
We will not take it anymore.
And that's what this is all about.
If you don't fight like hell, you're not going to have a country anymore.
He said this to the crowd that left and overran the Capitol.
Yeah, yeah.
He was behind bulletproof glass, rallying up the grass.
From behind bulletproof glass, he rallied the mob, told them that we have to fight or you're going to lose your country.
And then they went and stopped Congress from doing their jobs.
All I'm going to say is that when I was living in West Hollywood during the Black Lives Matter protests,
hollywood during the black life matters protest life matters protests my i'm not gonna call it favorite thing because but like it was always entertaining to be walking alongside a large
group of people when the santa monica police department swat riot truck would pull up into
the intersection like fucking literally a tank you know got the guy in the gunner seat up up top like and i'm just
like cool the subdivision of the smaller uh city in la has probably four of these like they just
you know wheel on out like what the fuck yeah you don't have one of those in dc or three of them
like nobody's breaching the perimeter with that atc in there it's a bad optic but I like those
water gun things
we use them too much
I like the dogs myself
no it just
seems like you can push a crowd around without
hurting them with these water gun things
that's exactly what you can do
oh my god
talking about rights
there's the guy with the hose spraying it at MAGA people
and there's another guy who's like,
No, not over there! There's a black one!
All the hoses converge
on the one black guy in the crowd.
All the black guys, because I can't blast water
at a black guy, so the nine MAGA
black guys form a wall.
It's impenetrable. black water at a black guy so they're like the nine mega black guys form a wall i thought it'd be like on ghostbusters and they have to cross the streams to focus on the one black guy i mean i really was blown away i thought that there would be
secret people in there that had guns just in case something happened inside the cap don't act like i'm stupid for thinking there's more people
in there i don't know you said secret people i agree like yeah not a publicly advertised not
like they wouldn't say and we've got 12 elite shock troops for whoever arrives first but like
let's imagine they always have those guys there.
The Elite 12, they'd call them.
Is this an anime?
The Dirty Dozen.
I called them the A-Team.
Fuck!
No, but the Dirty Dozen are in there,
and each of them has a skill.
There's like a ninja.
There's an inexplicable cowboy.
There's a there's an inexplicable cowboy there's a telepath there's a guy with telekinesis
you literally thought the Avengers
were hiding out at the Capitol building
waiting on this to go down
and what they do is they send out the guy who can only use bows and arrows
as fodder to die
poor Scarlett Johansson with the clock
who knows I just can't believe that like Poor Scarlett Johansson with the Glock. This is a good one.
Who knows?
No one knows.
I just can't believe that when the Dodgers won the World Series,
I had just moved to downtown, and I ordered Postmates,
not knowing that – I mean, I was watching the game,
but I ordered it an hour prior to the game ending.
And so the Dodgers win.
My Postmates goes out for delivery.
I'm like, oh, like oh no like what do you
you poor soul because it's it's an actual right there's fireworks in the street the police and
riot gear are set up outside my apartment so i leave because i know my guy can't bicycle through
the crowd i meet him like in the sea of people celebrating get my food and i run back and so i'm
running with my bag through like the riot and then i hit the my food and i run back and so i'm running with my bag
through like the riot and then i hit the police wall and i've never been so scared in my life
because every one of those policemen you know point their guns the rubber bullet guns at me
fucking just move back go away go away step back i'm like i gotta get to my apartment it's right
there they're like you can't go to your apartment like you just can't go you're just not allowed So I ate my burger in the street and in the riot
Yeah, and then eventually they all got dispersed, but like they just
Passed they just wouldn't let me pass the road that they were blockading
So I was like they're more better trained than the people defending the Capitol apparently fucking bike cops over there
What the hell I saw a bike cop with a helmet.
Like, they won't pass me.
I'm writing you a ticket.
I'm writing all of you a ticket.
Collectively.
Is it an insurrection?
Sure, I don't care what they call it.
I will notice this, alright?
Like, CNN always has this problem, right?
I remember the Black Lives Matter
riot that happened when they were like, the protests are mostly peaceful and there's a car
on fire behind the man. And it's like, no, they're not. There's a car on fire behind you.
I see people wearing masks that aren't meant for like germ prevention, throwing firebombs. Okay.
They're burning businesses down here it's not
mostly peaceful but then this happened yesterday and it's an insurrectionist mob and they're and
the people in it are mobsters that those are the exact words that you're right they had to be
careful with it go ahead woody no but they use the word thugs no i think that yeah they did use
the word thugs in fact many um i still cringe when I hear anybody use the word thugs,
maybe in part due to the connotations that it carries.
And traditionally it's been used for like the BLM protests and stuff.
But also it was like the word of choice for every person that got up and spoke
during the house and Senate hearings, like after the whole thing got calmed down.
But I don't, it's not a coup.
Like it's an insurrection is a good way to describe it.
And a mob, I guess they wanted to kind of like
separate it as its own identity and not just say,
Trump's fans are literally storming the Capitol.
Maybe that was their way of kind of like gray areaing it.
But it wasn't a coup.
CNN doesn't gray area anything
that they were like they were like well he's clearly gonna go down as the worst president
ever like they're just that's how i feel though i and i know sure historically no no i think he
probably is but like like by by a few measurements like i don't think you can hold the economy
against him but as far as someone who like held our flag high and made us look good
to the rest of the world man he's made us look like assholes and elbows like just i don't like
the way he lost and i think that's really tarnishing like the way that he's going out his
his attempt to overthrow the election by inciting a mob to take over the capital i think will go
down as a historically horrible moment.
And yes, I would have disagreed with you about like whether that is what happened.
If I hadn't watched this video like 15 minutes ago while we were doing the show of him and
his family in what looks like a tent watching the insurrection or whatever you want to call
it, go down and they're playing Gloria, like they're playing like upbeat pop music and like and like everybody's just like yeah yeah this is going pretty well here
yeah it i don't know when he went out there and said you have to fight you have to stop it you'll
lose your country if you don't go and then they went he incited a mob to take over the capital
and i felt this way to a lesser extent because not the Capitol, but when BLM took over a police station, do you remember that?
I remember when they took over a state Capitol building.
True.
But something about the police station.
Or Oregon, rather.
The police station was Minneapolis or something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
When they took over that, it was like, it's like a military base in my mind anyway, a police station.
It's filled with, it has an arsenal in it i just
locked doors based on walking dead there's like magnetically sealed doors like doors that are
very hard to open right and i think they set the thing on fire did they by using the gas on the
outside i'm probably 30 right on these facts but yeah they did like in a military sense take over
and control a police station and i'm like whoa what like that's real anarchy that's
serious lack of control like you can't it's one thing to sort of dominate a city block in the way
that like happens after your basketball team wins the championship right like that's that's one thing
and i'm kind of used to it it's another thing for the police to flee in fear in their cars
in this little police car parade
hoping to get out of there
before the mob beats the police.
Mobs don't beat American police,
but I guess they do.
But holy fuck.
Mobs don't take over the Capitol building.
The Capitol building?
You can't, the mob's supposed to lose there.
I'm like Taylor.
I thought they had fucking
rockets designed to take out missiles in case they came launching at us like the iron curtain
that the israelis have and so why didn't they just take the iron curtain point it down at the
people and turn them all into some sort of jelly okay that's a bad idea. He's one of those kinetic rods.
Like an orbital cannon.
Absolutely level Baltimore.
That'll show him.
The president has authorized the use of the ion cannon.
I wanted to see it.
I thought it'd be cool.
But he warns his people to get out of the building before he uses it no like again like i see those people as the fucking like like like
when i see this uh congresswoman laying here in fear i'm like good good i hope you're afraid i
hope you're very afraid like like like i hate these people like our representatives are not
that i feel the same way the call that right. It is an oxymoron.
Like,
like I hate the politicians.
I'm kind of with you there,
but that's my building.
That's my institution.
Like you're not supposed to take over the Pentagon.
If you,
if they came in there and just did a mob,
took over the Pentagon and started rifling through all the emails and
leaving with the hard drives,
I'd be like the fuck you can't look.
I think I can't remember a military
action i really loved in the last in recent history but you still can't fuck with my pentagon
right like that is a sign of my five but isn't it their pentagon our pentagon has to you know
get us into more wars i know i know I know. Yeah, we agree on this.
I just want people to destroy the sanctity of the Pentagon
by going there. That's what I'm saying.
They should be able to depose South American
dictators at will. And sure,
we were friends with them. We gave them four and eight up until
18 months ago, but he's a dictator now.
He's a madman.
Anyway, can you imagine
how world shattering that would be if
people showed up to the pentagon
like this and they walked in and it was just like an h and r block like and it's like oh this is
well this isn't very triumphant at all you know like yeah i have a hard time like feeling bad
about any of this i again i don't like the people die that's not good but i don't know i'm i don't
side with the capital police or the people who are in that building
doing the voting so like and i i certainly don't side with the guy wearing the fucking like uh uh
buffalo headdress i'm just an outsider i feel like like on the buffalo headdress guy yeah okay
wouldn't you love him as a guest wouldn't you wouldn't he be the best thing ever like like
he's like you don't want me to wear be the best thing ever like like but he's like
you don't want me to wear the headdress though right i get my name's steve no no no your name's
buffalo bill and you're wearing that fucking head you know he's a q and i'm right he's some
he has a name shaman perfect yeah that's great is he really a shaman that's his nickname is
the q anon shaman that's his name yeah the q anon shaman i love that
and wizardry he can teach you how to link everything to pedophilia
everyone's a pedophile and actually uh turns out i was kind of right so everybody hey
this guy broken clock right here right twice a day oh there's pedophile islands oh alex jones has been saying
that for 30 years go fuck yourself everyone else taylor remember right years ago i guess the press
was talking about bugaboo all the time and taylor said something that that kind of resonated in my
head he's like oh bugaboo they see him have i have it wrong is it not bugaboo it's close to that
uh it's the people who are like trying to kill cops or something, but they're from the right.
Oh, Boogaloo.
They call them Boogaloo.
Boogaloo.
Thank you.
Boogaloo boys.
They don't know me and these names.
So Taylor, he phrased it funny.
He's like, there's Boogaloo everywhere.
Oh my God.
Are they behind the bushes?
Are they under the rock?
There's always Boogaloo.
That's how I felt about Antifa.
That's how I feel now.
The right is full on claiming that this was antifa that overran the capitol that they're only
no other play they can't just be like yes that buffalo guy he's like a famous q anon shaman he
goes to all these trump rallies they're saying that he's an antifa person i mean it's obviously
retarded like it was clearly a maga they're just like that guy uh matt gates the florida guy he was
like all of these antifa people out there causing problems framing trump people and it's like
no you're just doing the exact same thing that the media did to run cover for blm and antifa
where they'd go no no no it wasn't that giant blm antifa riot where the police are having
bottle stone at them it was a group of boogaloo boys in there that were they infiltrated and they it's like nobody's buying that and nobody is buying right
now that those weren't maga guys they were obviously maga guys they had a guy yeah i was
like every single person there the one downfall with uh apparently trump's fans is that they
cannot leave the home without three pieces of Trump branded merchandise.
So like they're breaching into Capitol and I'm looking and I'm like,
well,
you know, he's got a Trump hat on.
Hey,
this guy's got a Trump scarf.
Like,
like it's going to be really hard to spin this as a,
as like a dark net infiltrated.
Now,
like they,
they mastermind whipped up a whole bunch of feral hogs to go storm the
Capitol.
You know, if I could go back to one date, it would be Bitcoin, obviously, be a retired hundred millionaire by now.
But a second date, I would go back to before Trump announced he was going to be president,
and I would buy up every domain that had to do with Trump t-shirts and every domain that
had to do with anti-Trump t-shirts.
And I might be richer than if I had gone back and done bitcoin like that would have been the ultimate play and you know
there's out there a couple guys out there who did that and are what is this whole sign look at the
sign so the sign says it's kind of hard to read but it says make america's penis great again with
a foreskin outlaw. Bloody trauma circumcision.
And this other guy's sign says,
the other sign says,
outlaw Satan's circumcision,
genital mutilation,
human rights violation to unite all of us.
Great America.
I think he's on Taylor's team.
I'm so down with the circumcision.
It is a needless Bronze Age thing that we still do.
You and Hutch need to have a good old session where you both love...
Yeah, you guys need to go dock with each other.
Because we were circumcised.
Otherwise, I would dock with Hutch.
Hutch, this is for you.
I would dock with you.
You are champions of circumcision.
Hutch, Taylor, circumcision is bad.
You guys agree on an issue at last.
That's really funny.
That is so funny that they couldn't make that a smaller sign.
Like, you can tell that they angrily wrote that.
That's a draft one sign.
Also, the devil likes it and it's even.
Okay, you know what?
I got angry with that sign.
I'm glad I went to Michael's and got multiple posters. Okay.
Circumcision equals
bad. Okay, that's not enough.
That's not enough. Imagine getting pushed out of the
Capitol building by a circumcision man.
Like a guy who's like live and
breathe foreskin. This guy has
nothing to do. He doesn't even know
there's another protest going on.
He's like, yeah, I knew I was right!
Finally, you're I was right. Finally,
you're back at me.
Come on everyone to the local hospital.
No,
no,
no.
To the,
to the maternity ward.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Like Kyle said,
it's not that I love these politicians,
but that's,
you know,
you're not supposed to be able to kick America in the balls that easily.
I don't feel better if they just burn the building down.
Then we could have had a cool new one.
It's a cool one now.
We could have made a Topgolf.
Okay, that's a good point.
That's a way, imagine how much leverage we would have with foreign leaders if it's like, hey, you want to come stay at the White House?
Actually, I'm sorry.
It's been converted into a Topgolf.
I will say.
The fact that I get fired.
Very much.
It's a Topgolf.
I would like to talk to you.
I think one of the differences between this and the BLM protests, nobody tried to start a fire.
Nobody tried to hurt anybody, it seemed like, when they came in.
Because they had that cop cornered, right?
They could have murdered that man if they wanted to.
That wasn't the crowd's intent.
It seemed like it was an occupation for us.
They just wanted to be there to have themselves heard, right?
They stole things, but they didn't destroy things,
other than the windows they had to break so they could get deeper into the building.
Well, you need to excise the windows. Yeah, they weren't breaking the windows for the sake of breaking windows. They so they could get deeper into the building. Well, you need to excise the windows.
Yeah, they weren't breaking the windows for the sake of breaking windows.
They just had to get deeper into the Capitol building
so they could get to Nancy Pelosi's office.
They'd even knock over the velvet ropes for some reason.
What are you talking about?
Did you not see the pictures inside?
The whole building is trashed.
Yeah, but they didn't break anything.
What do you mean? They trashed the entire
fuck off.
I don't know. All I see is burning down
gas stations in Minneapolis.
Kyle's projecting his bias
on this thing. You know what? They just orderly
walked in there. They didn't break anything. They didn't
have to. It was really sweet.
They were practically tour guides.
They only messed things up because they had to know
what to steal.
They had to rifle around and find the valuables.
Every bit of things.
You had to be industrious, you know?
I'm just saying, don't they get some credit for not burning the place down?
Kyle's like, I love it when you infiltrate the Capitol building,
but I draw my line when you start looting Starbucks.
I swear to God, the sanctity of the Starbucks can never be violated.
I will tell you this.
I would a million times rather see government buildings get fucked with
than small business owners or city blocks where normal people are living.
I would rather them fuck with places that we have to pay for.
Kyle, they graffitied the Capitol building and said murder the media.
What did they write?
Murder the media.
I got a problem with that.
Did you see them?
That should just be a plaque on the wall.
Did you see them steal all the equipment from CBS?
Or was it CBS?
Or maybe it was AP.
They surrounded the AP and then took all their cameras and shit.
No problem with that either.
I don't like when people get hurt.
I don't like when buildings get burned down.
Everything else, it's just like, ah, rap scallions.
Maybe there'll be
a congressperson porn
on one of these hard drives.
Maybe Nancy Pelosi is a bit
of an exhibitionist and she likes it to be filmed
and that's the only place safe enough to keep it.
I don't want to watch that.
A little Anthony Weiner in there. Part two.
Well, that's old hat. We've all seen it.
No.
Did you guys read the sexting between the two?
Was it congresspeople?
And it was the driest, most awful sexting?
I know.
I'd love to read it, though.
Let me try and find it.
Because if we could find more of that.
My dick in your mouth will send that motion to committee.
No, it has like starched shirts and shit.
It's fucked up.
I would like that. It would just reveal even further how these's fucked up. I would like that.
It would just reveal even further how these people are fucking soulless assholes.
So what should happen?
I was thinking about what should happen to this.
My mind went all over the place, right?
Because I was a little offended when they were in there.
And I briefly had a dumb idea that I don't actually back.
It's like you walk in there.
Someone's got their feet on a senator's desk.
You give them one warning and pop a bullet in their head.
It's like, no, no, no. You don't actually want that christ i was mad i was mad at your desk so and i'm like
all right that's stupid that's stupid you don't want that and it might even just make their
message stronger right that's that's dumb what do i actually want what if they got four weeks in jail
right that's disruptive it sucks it teaches lesson, but it doesn't ruin their life.
Just four weeks in jail, prison, whatever.
There's a difference.
I prefer four weeks in prison.
Well, okay.
We'll go cool.
We'll do four weeks in prison.
Right?
That's going to disrupt their employment situation, potentially.
It's going to certainly cause a little hiccup for them.
But it also, also you know they get
to resume their lives afterwards it's not 10 years they don't come out and wonder what happened to
cell phones or anything they'll resume their lives not at all mad at the establishment that's stolen
their ability to make money from them they broke into congress oh no i was saying they read top
secret emails like i i don't know they were top top secret. It's probably just a shopping list.
I assume everything in Pelosi's email is classified.
I don't really know the difference between top secret and classified and what the levels are.
I don't know what the punishment should be.
I don't think there is one.
Yeah, probably not.
I mean, most of the rioters that have been happening in the last year, I don't think they get arrested most of the time.
But they didn't break into the Capitol.
There were only 14 arrests, I think, in the last year. I don't think they get arrested most of the time. But they didn't break into the Capitol building.
There were only 14 arrests, I think,
for the Capitol building,
but there was something like,
during the BLM protests in LA, they literally had school buses shipped out
to transport people.
So I just feel like it's a little bit hollow to be,
you breach federal property,
I expect everyone to get arrested for that regardless of how severe your offenses because i feel like reaching federal property
pretty much up there hey like with all the things you shouldn't do at the very least
i'm reading these text messages or would these text messages are so bad are you kidding they're
so bad.
They're just sweet.
Would you perform them for us?
Yeah, absolutely. Taylor, do you want to be the blue text?
Sure.
I love this.
Hey, I've had the most amazing dreams of our time together, and I'm thinking
about you too. Happy belated birthday
to Matthew. Cannot believe he's eight
years old. He was so little when we met.
Thank you.
Would you make my day?
Would you make my day to roll over?
He's got a typo in here.
Would you make my day to roll over and kiss you about now?
Happy birthday again.
Because I decided I'm going to do Mickey Mouse's this week.
Okay, okay.
Happy belated birthday to Matthew.
I cannot believe he's eight years old. He's so when we met thank you it would uh it would make my
day to roll over and kiss you right about now you're so sweet i would enjoy that are you doing
okay i'm nervous about the next hundred days understandable we'll send you love and support from here i know you got this kisses hey and
you are historically sexy every day and night when can i see you i want to kiss you and i kiss back
a lot get away for a night soon the longer we wait the crazier fall schedules will get that's part of the dirty talk the crazier fall schedules will get in the spirit of i like what
i like quote on your adorable video i operate under the i want what i want whole approach
and i might want a night with you sounds wonderful i want that too very. We'll make it easy for you. I have flexibility this morning.
Done with school, training, and big RFPs.
Ho-ho, et cetera.
So the only thing I want to do with my list is you.
Sounds so hot and so fun.
Pick a day.
City, make up an excuse to the fam.
Ho-ho, dish a saffron.
Start your white shirt.
You're ready to kiss a lot.
Ho-ho.
It's just sweet.
It's just like two busy adults trying to slip you are historically sexy
go starch your white shirt like yeah like they're probably nasty or you guys know who this is
i want a tight rough starched shirt to get my you know who this is guys am i the only one
what'd you say this is cal cunningham he was the north carolinian the democratic challenger
for the senate seat this term in uh yeah well that says it all and he lost i think to tom cotton
maybe something like that yeah um and this is why he lost basically he was leading in all the polls
and he got caught cheating on his wife this isn't his wife of course this is a staff we only like
it when you cheat privately not not publicly. This is the most
boring affair I've ever seen.
What do you mean they kissed a lot?
I kissed
a lot. Like this is historically
sexy.
I say, you're
historically sexy.
You've got white pantaloons
in a twist.
Come over here and suck on my
codpiece.
Good job.
I know references.
They uproot.
This isn't bad though.
If your sexting is going to get leaked,
this is the absolute best you can hope for.
They don't even use bad words. That what it says kisses it's kind of naughty that's me okay kisses uh yeah yeah i don't know but whatever they're setting up their affair and when they're
gonna fuck next time did you guys see this i linked it right above what uh tucker linked it's called the e bussy or i guess it's supposed to be called the e bussy
but it's clearly they did not do their market research because bussy is boy pussy yeah and
they called it an e bussy and it's an electric boy pussy is what they're selling hi
all right so i've been following this car for a while really it's a it's a tech demo car that
probably will not ever see production oh anything modular you can pretty much just be like this is
not gonna make it like modular vehicles while cool in design
nah and so basically they just have a bunch of 3d renders but yeah the e-bussy was in fact the
greatest branding decision of all time e-bussy have as much gay sex as you want in this electric
van so is it is it i don't actually know bussy i'm out of touch it's like boy pussy is that
basically yeah yeah bussy is boy pussy and it's your butt if you're an e bussy it's like only fans
for like maybe like some like twink you know like that's great yeah uh can you imagine
to explain something like that to your grandparents being like no it's because it's pussy like boy
pussy grandpa what i don't boys don't have pussies let me give me your old laptop let me show you
oh that's what you think your chromebook look prime pussy right here
that's an arsehole well you better make sure you put the e when you search that site
so kyle you're 100 off the cyber truck train i mean really seem like it's gonna happen and i
want a car sooner rather than later so like why is it not gonna happen uh we had like says things
yeah we had um we had was it matt farah yeah farrell fair farah i think you're right matt
farah yeah we had him on and he seemed to think that it was likely not even going to happen
that they just wanted like oh you have what show did what show number did i love i watch all pretty
recent two or three ago like four shows ago something like that yeah i trust his opinion
on whatever you're about to say yeah he said he just thought it was unrealistic that in its current iteration that it would happen um for a lot of reasons
and one of them being the european market but and i'm also like in the market for a car like
right now but i keep like bouncing back and forth what i'm like looking at right now because i'm
moving to colorado um either as soon as i'm either able to get out of my probation or October 8th,
which is the other,
which is like the last day I could possibly still be on probation.
So I,
I'm thinking like maybe I need something with all wheel drive out there.
So I was looking at the Jaguar F type and all wheel drive.
I,
I,
I liked the car.
I had a friend who had the,
you mean the,
you mean,
Oh,
you want the F typetype not an suv you
want a coupe yeah are you talking about the f-base see i want a sports car but i want all-wheel drive
and i don't want a fucking subaru get an r8 that's like the de facto all-wheel drive uh all-terrain
uh sports car for people in the northwest that and i think the gtr is also all-wheel drive so
the yeah i don't also don't want to spend $100,000.
The STI is that way.
Fair play.
The F-Type is great.
What happened to the...
It's a really good song.
Tucker, this isn't a Subaru solution?
Or maybe Kyle's just not a lesbian.
I literally just said I don't want a fucking Subaru.
He didn't want a Subaru.
I'm sorry.
Dude, my mind is blown away by this car.
This is a very handsome car.
Yeah, the Jag is like a it's a it's a
clear step above from subi there's nothing that subaru makes that is the same level of like
attention to detail um yeah if they have an all all-wheel drive car that's that's a solid choice
there's yeah the audi's an all-drive yeah a lot of audis have uh all-wheel drive that are also good
too i look to the Audis.
I look to the Audis, the Mercedes, the BMW,
because it's kind of those companies that make all-wheel drive cars.
I think what I was really excited about at first was Dodge Challengers coming all-wheel drive, but only for the V6.
Why?
I don't know why.
That defeats the purpose.
It defeats the purpose.
It's like I want a Dodge.
I was like, oh, I'll just go Dodge Challenger.
It's not my favorite car, but if it's all-wheel drive and it's kind of it's a muscle coupe that's
what i want i'll just get a nice one of those but no only the v6 i assume not a convertible i see
it's offered in a convertible i would try to steer away from the convertible being in like a snowy
cold environment have a real winter better handling too in a coop true yeah and um oh when i hear
jaguar and this is an old opinion so it could be out of date i hear reliability issues that
doesn't concern you is it maybe not true anymore like again it wasn't my first pick but it sort of
fits a lot of the it checks a lot of the boxes that i'm that i'm looking for and it looks good
it's uh it's a little bit fancy uh it's all-wheel drive. It's fast. And those are kind of the things I'm after in a car right now. But like, I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. Because like there aren't a lot of them that are less than like $60,000 that are all-wheel drive.
that are all-wheel drive you know you know which you know your sleeper pick here if you're looking for affordability luxury but you're not necessarily like you don't really care too much about the
brand is infinity the q60 the q like the q60 is one of the i think it's like 40 grand i looked at
it as good as anything but it excuse me but it's just like it's an infinity
so i looked at the front of it and i was just like like the grill and i was just like next
like it just grossed me out like that just just the front uh end of that car didn't look nice to
me you're pretty much what does the lexus rc what does it mean to you like i hear it's an infinity
i think it's a luxury car it's an infinity it's nice
infinity is infinity isn't they're they're a luxury car in the same way that they're kind of
like a step below luck lexus it's not like a car it's a car that i think of when i'm thinking like
good bang for your buck that in like the hyundai genesis or i think it's just like Genesis now so it's like you get visually if
somebody has no idea what car cars there are and they get into your Q40 or Q60 or whatever
they're gonna be like damn nice car right but it's like not as good in the power it's not like the
materials aren't as nice as like. It's just a good car.
It's not as nice as Lexus, but it's a nice middle ground.
So I don't think it's definitely like that.
And I'm worried that Lexus is – I haven't seen one up close.
I haven't been in one.
It looks small to me, though.
It looks small.
The same way the Audi TT kind of checks all these boxes.
That car is small.
But I've been in an Audi TT, and it's way too small.
Yeah.
The Q60, this Infin this infinity it looks nice to me
but that that jaguar looked eye-catching like i see this in q60 and i'm like oh that's a nice
car it's even a very nice car but it's not like 50 more the jag is 50 more too so you're like
there that's a good point and i also looked at the Durango. I know this is like completely out of left field compared to the rest of
stuff,
but the Durango SRT,
uh,
like I,
I found a black one with like red racing stripes and that thing,
it looks kind of sick.
You're going to die if you get that.
Why?
What made you say that?
Because it's got eight.
It's oh,
the SRT doesn't,
it's got like 500 horsepower.
Yeah.
It's like,
yeah,
it's pretty fast,
but like, I mean, I'm already driving a car with over 400.
I know how to be safe.
I don't go fast.
You've been here.
Yeah.
So yeah.
And then the other option, I suppose,
would be to just get a new Camaro,
like I was intending to begin with,
and then just buy a truck as well.
Just get some sort of like...
A beater?
Yeah, just get a beater truck to take out in the snow to get groceries.
If I need to, you know, you know, uh, what, what I've really started to think about as
like having as an auxiliary vehicle is the new Ford Bronco.
Cause that it starts at like 28,000 and I like the base model.
It's just like, you know, fucking throw your shit in there.
And then it's like, like they, they have like very convenient stuff.
Like, um um all the
floor mats you can take them off and then if you hose it off they have drainage spouts at the bottom
of the floor so you can literally just fucking hose your whole car off i kind of like the way
the new bronco looks the only thing that turned me off was i saw that it was on the rangers um
like like platform or whatever and not the f-150 so it's just a little bit smaller yeah i don't know
um so so yeah i'm i'm actively looking at cars but i haven't made my mind up on exactly what
if i could find an f-type that was uh all-wheel drive and in my price range i probably just pull
the trigger on that because i agree it does look really nice um and uh all-wheel drive sports car. I've driven a WRX STI, I think.
And that thing's insane.
That thing's insane.
The handling and the power that it has in the corners.
Which one again?
Subaru WRX STI.
Now, I don't want one because I don't like the way they look.
But someone had traded one in.
It's high school.
It's what I love.
The Lancer and the STI. You're like like oh i love fast and furious movies someone had traded one into the dealership
i worked at and we took it out and like it like we just kept going faster and faster into these
sharp corners and like we just weren't feeling any body roll it just it was just sticking to
the pavement no matter how fast you went into the corners and like coming back out of the corners it just had so much speed you could just feel it digging in
and like had so much torque it like well over 300 horsepower because this one this one was a little
bit souped up it had like gauges down um whatever you call that thing that's between the windshield
the a-pillar yeah it's got like gauges down there for the nos there there was nitrous oxide in the
back but it wasn't charged.
And it was just so goddamn fast.
But I don't like the way the car looks at all.
Yeah, they don't look good at all.
It's just my friend used to race in these leagues.
Basically, they'd go to like an empty mall parking lot, set up some cones and race.
And the STI was the second best car for that kind of racing.
Yeah.
What do they call it?
It's not motocross. It's like autocross or something like that for that kind of racing yeah what do they call it it's not motocross it's like uh
autocross or something like that they still do that where it's uh set up cones in the in the
big parking lot and just have at it it's pretty neat yeah he did all this shit it was like you
can do that he was always like off-road motorcycling he had a sti with a roll cage in it and
i knew him from off-roading. He had that too.
But yeah, cool shit.
The Miata was the best car for that kind of racing because it's so light.
I guess weight is almost everything.
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A fifth person just died from the uh insurrection yesterday
yeah another cop another cop i'm looking that is so funny because i just clicked twitter out
of nowhere and the top thing says u.s capital police say no officers killed during insurrection
in dc okay wait u.s capital police So it might say no officers, but it doesn't
like, what does that also apply to? There's other police forces out there, right? Yeah.
Or this is a U S Capitol police officer has DC police and Capitol police were two different
entities. I don't know, but I think it was the Capitol police that was primarily involved,
but yeah, they reported that a Capitol Police officer died a few hours ago.
And then the Capitol Police just came out a bit ago and said, that's not true.
Nobody died.
Oh, maybe this is wrong.
I think they just changed it.
One of them is wrong for sure.
So maybe we were mistaken about the taser guy.
Maybe he just tased himself.
Yeah, but it's funnier if we just believe it's correct.
Just died of embarrassment. He tased himself all right i can't live it down oh i gotta go be a rent-a-cop what is the capitol police what do they do they just
walk around there that's it are they the same they have one job taylor it's to stop
insurrections from getting inside of the
congressional buildings but is it like they said they're bad at it as a regular cop like you know
if the regular cop sees a meter made it's gotta be higher than that well i don't know we're on
the spectrum are they higher than the top because what are they really doing all day is maybe a
regular cop better and they're more like campus police at a college what are they doing i would
think that it would be the opposite right because you have the sergeant at arms who does the inside
he's like the guy who controls all the inside of the house shit and then you have the chief of
police of the capital police i would assume that he would be a higher ranking but maybe less
influential version of the head of police of dc right so like head of dc
police keeps everything good in dc but probably not on the same tier as the guy who keeps everything
safe in the capital right i would think that so i'm looking at their training so first they uh
they do 12 weeks of intensive training at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center in Georgia.
And then after that, after they graduate from there, they will return to the Capitol Police Training Academy in Maryland for 13 more weeks.
So these guys have all of 25 weeks of training.
What's normal, Cop?
About eight days.
Yeah, that's four times normal.
Eight to three class get here early yeah you want yeah so well it is reassuring to know that it would be infinitely harder to break into my house than the capitol
i don't know that was a lot of manpower. I would have put up more of a fight.
You see Buffalo Bill come in.
So you wouldn't just pull the door
open for them and gesture
them inside? I would have said, go home!
Go out of here!
I would just want to turn
the TV up. You guys can watch The Simpsons
through the window if you want.
That's as far as I go.
As far as you can do it so yeah uh
oh fuck i had something oh yeah this is something that i should have brought up like a few weeks
ago i was uh so in the next this is just something i heard through the grapevine nothing confirmed
or anything but i i do trust the person I heard it from. Like,
so there has been such a shift from traditional media on TV to streaming and
cord cutting and stuff.
Like it's just,
it's,
it's like,
it's accelerating.
It's never going to plateau.
It's just going to keep accelerating.
And so like a lot of advertisers,
they're not getting the reach they need on traditional media anymore.
And so, but people are watching like fucking Hulu shows or Amazon Prime or Disney Plus shows without ads on there.
through the channel you use to get the,
so it's called like,
so there's the device and then there's the overlay product.
So an overlay product would be Hulu,
Netflix,
Amazon prime,
all that stuff.
So there's like the Roku app and the overlay product on top of it.
They will be targeting at some point directly the Roku itself,
the fire stick,
all that,
and be overlaying ads onto shows anyway.
You think that will work?
That will happen.
That just depends. Hypothetically, that would, I think that there work that that will happen that just depends hypothetically that would
i think that there will always be or amazon prime will be my guesses but everything else
right and i think that's fine too by the way i i think that i'm okay with there being a
service that you are paying money for albeit not a large sum to get consistent access to something on demand i hate waiting week
week for week for shows but i do it for the shows that are coming out right now however like the
idea of sitting down and going through tv and being like i choose to watch this art of like
whatever office episode is here versus like going out and getting it i don't see the value in that
so if you're going to say that like if you how much is roku 10 bucks a month oh i don't i think you just buy the roku
and then you bought you put whatever you put hulu on it and netflix and what so i see what you mean
you're so they're going for not the app but for the whatever the price i just like amazon has
yeah amazon already puts prime ads in front of their Prime TV shows.
It's all in the same ecosystem.
They probably could get away with doing that
because that's all included with your one Prime subscription.
So it's not like, I'm not like, I'm paying $32 for no ads.
It's like, well, I get two-day shipping free,
and I get all these discs, right?
So that's fine.
But Netflix could not get away with doing that.
I'd freak the fuck out if Netflix started putting ads in front of cancel Netflix.
My thing is like, I'm not talking about like imminently this is going to happen.
I'm going to say that three, four or five years from now, we fast forward.
It is going to eke back to being a similar level of ads to TV was back in the day.
It won't happen right off the start.
But in the next five years't happen right off the start but in the next
five years because traditional media will die like all of the traditional existing media will
be their own streaming service help me understand you're saying they'll target the device that
plays it right so why wouldn't i just switch to a device that doesn't have ads they're all
so like a fire stick roku yeah but what about your phones apple tv google google
is built into chromecast yeah but it's not chromecast it is literally just built in i mean
it is powered by chromecast but it's not a stick so you're gonna have to insert ads into the
operating system but if i'm using chromecast just to go into Netflix, Netflix is going to freak out
if you're overlaying, if Google's overlaying ads on their content that they paid for, like a
Netflix original, they can't do that. No, they can't right now. And so I'm saying like, I'm
seeing this more as like writing on the wall. So like the way ads used to be like, like if you were
to tell someone in 1965 that their 30 minute programming in 20 years and 30 years was
going to be 20 minutes of programming and 10 minutes of ads, they'd say, that's ridiculous.
I wouldn't even watch TV if that were the case. If it was any more than three minutes of ads in
the 30 minutes, I wouldn't like, and that, that progression happened and people continue to do
it because it's like boiling the frog slightly more and more and more all the time. Basically,
like they're going to get people more used to seeing ads again on these streaming services
they pay for. And over time, it's not just going to be a pre- to seeing ads again on these streaming services they pay for.
And over time, it's not just going to be a pre-roll.
Then there will be a post-roll.
And then there's going to be a mid-roll.
And it will roll out way more slowly.
But, yeah, they can – because it's only a handful of companies that do all these things.
So it's not that hard for them to organize.
I mean they can, but I think that especially in the – here is my hope, right? We're talking about Netflix, a company that, you know, was arguing with Blockbuster eons ago, like 10 years ago, they were doing the whole subscription service, right? And they transitioned realizing that this is going digital, the cord cutters that people are more interested in the ease of access. They went digital. They got all this shit sorted out. If there is a point in time where Netflix can offer me as much reach as like,
like maybe I get to watch sports on it or maybe ESPN is included or whatever.
Disney Plus is doing currently for a premium subscription of like 35 bucks without ads.
Great.
But if you're trying to inject ads into the current situation that we've got going on
at this point in time with
tech i'd like to believe there's an infinite amount of free options available to anybody
that wouldn't be doing like wouldn't be interested in taking that new norm on and especially with
like the technological literate youth that are coming up not a single one of those fuckers are
paying for anything like they will just they will like they will just get it on a torrent like you know we started getting torrents
and stuff i just don't think that it's a sustainable business model to do anything other than raise a
subscription fee like putting the annoying ads in is more backlash worthy than just charging me five
dollars more i think yeah and that might be right you You never know how it's going to roll out.
These companies are very smart.
My prediction would be that because Netflix has made their bread and butter
being the no ads ever, no, no, no,
that they will not adopt until it is fully adopted
by every other player in the sphere,
and then they will roll it out in a slower way.
And it won't be that the subscriptions will get lower
because these companies, the same way like the NHL this year to try
and cover for not having fans.
They like named it instead of the central division.
It's the enterprise rent a car central division.
That's not going to go back to normal.
They're never going to switch that back there.
That revenue is now baked into the cake.
Even after people come back and start watching games again,
same thing with this,
like,
and because the competition is so stringent, we
feel like there's so many options because you can scroll
a million things on every
service, like a million different titles,
but it's, what, half a dozen at most
that are worthwhile
at all?
We're switching into
different topics. On that one, I
feel like it's a UI problem. They need a
better way to present their choices to me. They have so many choices. I'm guessing there's 400 that I want to see.
And it's just buried somewhere in the 92,000 titles they have. And I can't find them. They
need to do that better. I suck at UI design, but they do too. On the ad thing, I will push back
on that so strongly. Like we always, we've talked many times about the list of services we subscribe to,
right?
Um,
Hulu,
Disney plus Netflix and something else.
Uh,
I always forget YouTube premium.
I'm a YouTube premium guy too.
I love the no ads on that.
I love watching shit on my phone when the phone's like turned off and you
know,
like you can use it in your car at night and,
um,
YouTube,
I watch more YouTube I think than any of the other service. I easily more i watch a lot of youtube as well yeah yeah me too maybe i should
get youtube prime i found all these historical channels that like do it's it's what the discovery
and history channel used to be and it's like i can't believe these guys aren't on tv like like
i think one of the channels is the histocrat or something like that and i'm watching like hours
of him a week at this point like like whether it's about the punic wars or something like that. And I'm watching hours of him a week at this point. Whether it's about
the Punic Wars or Bronze Age
Man. It's the shit I actually want to watch.
Is it a YouTube
premium exclusive
or is it just a channel?
No, it's just a YouTuber.
Yeah, there's so many YouTubers making so
much great content. I feel like they've
raised the bar since I was a
professional.
There is nobody that is going to fuck around in their mom's basement and make it big like i just i look at this content
now and i'm like what the fuck are you guys making this with it's like we got six red cameras and
we're doing a documentary series on like score based matchmaking. I'm like, what the fuck?
I'm getting rid of Netflix.
I've had enough. The only thing I care about on there is The Witcher, and that
literally comes out once a year.
I'll sign back up for Netflix for one month,
watch The Witcher, and then unsubscribe again
at this point to save my $25 a month.
That's how I would feel about Disney+.
But as a family,
the other people in my family don't like that. I did feel about Disney Plus. But as a family, the other people in my family.
Yeah.
I did get Peacock.
I got Peacock so that I could watch The Office because I just love the fucking Office.
But someone pointed out on Little Mitt's Twitch stream the other night, just buy it on iTunes for $25 and you've got it all.
So I'm just going to do that.
I'm going to cancel Peacock, buy The on iTunes and then I've got it the only thing that's different is
over on Peacock and this does add
some value to me
they have all these deleted scenes that they just
edit right into the episodes so a lot of the
episodes are now like four minutes
longer and it's brand new content
and it's pretty good stuff most of the time
hmm
but yeah
I don't like ads I'm okay with them most of the time on youtube because i know i'm
like supporting the content creator in some way but that's that's how they get paid right uh when
i yeah i don't see any ads on it because i had the premium yeah and i i'm gonna like that i don't
know i i like that too i will pay i will pay the premium to
avoid ads if i can i have twitch turbo like fuck it i don't want an ad i don't care where the money
goes just get the what's twitch turbo how does i always just subscribe to a channel 9.99 a month
you never see an ad on the whole website i didn't know about that they nobody does because they
don't promote it they because if you
have twitch turbo why would you subscribe to 32 streamers like like so so it's like they get half
the sub money yeah exactly so twitch turbo you still get paid if you have twitch turbo and you
watch a streamer and they run an ad well uh, the streamer will still get the 0.1% cent
that they would have earned from you seeing the ad.
But it is the best deal on Twitch.
I have it.
I've had it for eight years.
I watch enough Twitch where I just don't want to see a pre-roll ad
if I'm just like, oh, what is this person up to?
I just hate that.
Have you jumped on the Rust craze with everyone else at all um i think so i there's a that specific rust craze with the offline tv server
and that and basically like the twitch like uh uh illuminati group that's joining it's really
great it gives me a little bit of ptsd from the minecraft series i used to do with like the in
fighting and viewers trying to spoil things.
I haven't gotten back on Rust.
I'm planning on doing it
with a different group of friends,
but I love that Rust is once again
back at the forefront
because there's so much good content
that comes from that game.
It's so creative.
It's like realistic Minecraft.
Yeah, are you pretty good at it?
Do you know recoil patterns and stuff?
No, it's fucking awful.
No, so recoil patterns i do know
of because that was my favorite thing to do was pvp i was watching shroud 10 minutes before we
got on this call because the new server that they're that whole popular group is jumping on
just launched and shroud is practicing his recoil control patterns he's shroud is an
ex-counter-strike professional probably one of the best aimers in the game and he goes oh this is so cool i get to see the recoil pattern if i
can just get this first three bullets right then i could probably get the rest and within five
minutes he went from missing every headshot to the whole mag was right in their head every time
and i was like okay see yeah he's probably on uk in on the On the top left of the screen, did it have the pattern drawn?
It had the pattern, yeah.
Yeah, that's UKN.
I spent about an hour there every day.
How are you doing?
I mean, it's...
I'm getting better,
but nowhere near the ringers that I play with.
It's just great.
I love inter-communal drama, right?
Where you have somebody that's mostly very stoic
and just a very good gamer playing against somebody
who's like XQC that's over the top and just chaos.
It's really great to see streamers from various groups
interact together because it's not something
that you're usually going to get.
And Rust is one of the few games.
Rust and Among Us were the two games that brought people together,
which is really nice.
I'm liking it a lot because so many people are playing the game
for the first time ever, and we're just really raking it in.
I've got 1,500 hours.
My friend Mitty has about 1,500.
And the other two guys we play with are 3,500 and 4,500, respectively.
And so we were rating someone last night like like and they were just like we're not very good at this
game and we're just like yo you'll get there but in the meantime your shit's mine in the meantime
all everything you have is mine now yeah um well i mean i look at it a lot like tarkov right so
tarkov's having their drops this week or i guess it ends tomorrow and i've been playing a lot uh
since the last wipe and so uh you know a lot of people getting into tarkov for the first time now
with the new wipe and everything and you'll have like a pmc run on customs and you're like wow i
killed six pmcs all of them were just like ikea vests like what are you doing out here like you know you're like poor thing
It's like Christmas noobs on steroids with a game as unforgiving as rust or Tarkov where it's like
I'm not having a good time guys
You're not having a good time. No no as on the other other side. Yeah the new players. Yeah
Yeah, I'm having a great time it's wonderful they i don't want to get too tar copy they nerf bitcoin farms that's all
oh that's lame yeah about time it's probably the right move but um you know i i just got my 10 gpus
in there and i wish that it was not nerfed, at least not right yet,
right away,
but I'll stop.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Class is going to be,
he's going to be upset.
I know he's had his going for a little while and he was just like,
it's just so much money.
It's just so much money.
Yeah.
I dropped a player who was obviously like super,
we,
there's a mission where you have to kill scabs with a particular gun and i ran into
another player and um i beat him but then i check out his gear and it is like the most luxury way
that you could tackle this mission tier fight out of his shit yeah he's always got like the
tier six armor vest and class six and his gun is all decked out in every possible way and i'm like
what shit's going in a bush i'll be playing with this yeah yeah rust has been a lot of fun uh our
wipe uh just ended uh so we'll probably get right back at it tonight um i the uh it's been fun it's
been really fun i'm glad we ran into these uh you know these two guys
that are just so much better than us to help carry us through the pvp because like we used to like
oh no we're against a full team of ak's and now it's like oh a full team of ak's we're about to
we've got like we've got a box full of ak's right now i don't know if i think they wiped the bps but
didn't wipe the map so we get to keep all of gear. So like we've literally got like 30 or 40 AKs in the base.
A team with AKs, we're going to need another box.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
We're having a great fucking time.
It's been great.
It's been one of the best wipes ever.
Do you feel like you own the whole server or?
No, I mean, we run into like, I mean.
There are other teams doing well too.
Yeah, it's not all wins for sure.
Like there's some like, Rust is one of those games where like you can go up and down
and up and down and then up up up up up and then down and then oh yeah up up again like we went to
do like a mission last night we tried to there's like a bradley uh fighting vehicle that patrols
one of the main monuments and you shoot it with rockets it breaks and then these crates pop out
they're on fire for like five or ten minutes inside those crates is the best gear in the game essentially m2s and uh rockets c4
and it's just a really fun experience because people come to try to counter you well we all
die doing that so we run back naked and like i bump into a guy uh like i'm naked all i have is
like clothing on so the radiation
doesn't kill me and i walk up right behind an enemy player and i like whisper to him and voice
chat just to scare him i thought it'd be funny like hey what's going on buddy and he goes be
very quiet let's make a play and he like gives me like a full gear set he like throws me a hazmat
suit a gun some armor and some meds and uh and uh, and sure enough, we do make a play like, like we, I end up killing like four
more guys taking all their gear and then subsequently dying again.
And then we go back again and we get some more grub gear off of them.
And like, by the time it was all over, we ended up making profit.
It was like, it was like a gambler, how you just keep going back and like making, like
doubling the bet over and over.
We went in with a lot of expensive gear, lost it all, and then we kept going back either naked or with just barely anything until the dice roll went our way.
When we finally went home, we had more than we ever started with.
It was a lot of fun.
I had a great time last night.
Speaking of betting, I really like this new predict bet feature i love
it because it's only good my most popular streams we i watch and make fun of like whole seasons of
hell's kitchen or whatever and like we treat it like a sport and it goes great i can't believe
in my chat nobody ruins it it's like it's a season from 10 years ago that's the only reason i can
watch whole episodes because none of your fans are watching Hell's Kitchen when it aired on TLC Network, okay?
That's just it.
Nobody watched it.
That's true, but I would expect one of them to go to the end of the season and be like,
Oh, I see what you mean.
John wins, but nobody's been doing that.
But there's a challenge in the beginning, the dinner service at the end,
but they're always fucking up the scallops and then the elimination.
And so there's three good bets in everyone.
Who's going to win red or blue.
Who's going to win red or blue.
Who's going to get eliminated,
John or Steve.
And it's like,
you get wrapped up in that show.
Gordon Ramsey is not only a brilliant chef.
That's not even his best skillset.
He is such a good presenter.
He gets you amped up with them.
You don't feel,
you know,
he's putting on an act,
but he seems genuine in the act in a way that a lot of other producers,
or,
you know,
I guess show hosts don't.
And so like that,
I fucking love Gordon Ramsey shows.
We,
we got to get him on the show.
Let's get Gordon Ramsey on the show.
I'm sure he'll jump right on.
Next time he writes a book.
Jordan Peterson wrote a book.
I want to get him.
He's got something to sell.
And I'm,
I'm really get him. He's got something to sell. And I'm really...
The name of the book is
How to Take an Entire Bottle of Vacant
in with a Small Glass of Water.
The Jordan Peterson character arc
is super interesting to me, right?
I saw him in front of...
He looked defeated.
He was just drained and tired on a mic.
Not unlike this. And behind him was the drained and like tired on a mic. Not unlike this.
And behind him was the messiest room you've ever seen.
He looked like an e-girl taking a selfie or something with the back.
I just wrecked.
And there was this quote, like, if you can't even clean your room, how can you be telling other people what to do?
And which is like Jordan Peterson is the Mr. Clean your room guy.
Now that he's you said it was Vikingodin, but it was Benzo.
It was some kind of pill.
I just picked one.
It's like Benzos.
Benzo.
That's even more serious than Vicodin.
It is a really rough one.
All right.
That time he was telling everyone how to live their life,
his life was a secret mess in the background, addicted to drugs.
And I really want to hear him talk about his character arc
all right yeah i wonder how long that was going on during his big because he was big like four
years four years ago right around then i don't know to me he was big until 18 months ago but i
what do i know what you gotta do is clean your room and then uh just pop a benzo and the rest
of the day is gonna fly by right so some. So somebody just linked me Shroud's Rust 8K spray control.
And this is the same server.
This is UKN.
This is the server that I use.
Yeah, this is what he was doing literally just when I was watching.
It's gross, right?
No.
This is average at best.
This is what Middy's rank is.
Shroud's best ever is E-Girl, according to is this is this is what midi's rank is um he's his shrouds best ever is e-girl according to like this whenever this was taken um that's midi's best that's what
midi gets almost every single time and the rank that he's achieving right here when he's playing
is i think console gamer and that's what uh that's my best and i've been doing this for like
i don't know six hours or something like that. This looks good to me.
To me, it looks like all headshots.
It's because he's close.
It's because he's so close.
I don't even practice on these close targets anymore.
I practice on the target that's off to his left.
See those really long pathways?
Not yet.
Like every now and then when he rotates,
you can see a pathway that goes way off into the distance.
It's like 100, 200 meters.
Those are the targets that I practice on.
This is fine.
Look, he's shroud. He's amazing. and maybe this is like right when he just started maybe now he's hitting
this was literally the higher ranks okay well they get uploaded today but all i'll say is no
no i mean i watched him do this exact thing and it got uploaded today like this yeah i'll say it's
like um this is the rank that midi gets uh The rank that he's hitting, like he's got his best rank ever.
That's what Middy hits all the time.
The rank that he's actually achieving while he's playing in this little clip is my rank.
And what my friends hit is like the top rank every fucking time.
It's like certified Chad or something like that.
chad or something like that and it's like their ak their ak just goes like drilling a fucking hole into a into a fucking with a laser beam or something like that i know that it your rust
talk always leads me into minecraft and there's a few people who go insane but this guy i was i was
admin so i didn't really have a faction that was active it would be unfair for me to just destroy everyone's bases and shit, right?
Sure.
I could do that by typing shit instead of playing.
But we would occasionally partner with people and hang out with them,
maybe just observe.
And they've got this guy whose Minecraft skin is like a rabid animal.
And he just sits there doing nothing for most of the night.
And they built a glass case around him.
And they put a sign on it
that's a breaking case of emergency i'm like what's with this guy he's over there all hooked
out with like blood dripping down his skin and shit like that and they're like that's texo he's
our pvp specialist and i'm like pvp like i'm not very good at pvp the pvp in minecraft's a little
like vermintide in that on the surface it looks like you just sort of rapidly click on the things.
But if you're good, you know, there's movements you can do and there's critical shots.
And, you know, there's a real skill gap between the very good people and the guys who just click rapidly at the bad guy.
Yeah.
He is like your friends.
He is this guy and uh they they
come to like stop us from raiding their base or whatever we were doing and they were like oh no
oh no break the glass break the glass and he comes out and he is just wrecking everyone in like one v
force he's so good he's just chopping everyone and you know like like i wasn't that like
you wear a suit of armor and the suit of armor has a lot of value to it right so if you're all
diamond and enchanted up like you you don't have a ton of he's got spares from his victims you
break the guy's helmet he's got a new helmet on he's like i don't know how he put it on so quickly
in the middle of a sword fight just whips on a helmet gets back maybe using like macros like he's got like and i know in rust like that's a big thing to like have certain
things like certain things macro it's not cheating it's like like just just quick hot keys to like
i've played like one of the things in pvp and rust you're running around a lot and you're almost
always getting ambushed in the middle of a field like you never know when the fight is coming so
like being able to put a defensive wall in front of you for like cover instantly is a big thing so a lot of people have
just a hot key so they press it and it auto switches to whatever slot that's in and places
so like instead of having to select and then figure out where you want it they're just boom
he must have had a lot of macros you can drink potions and there's a potion that you drink i
think it helps you a lot.
Then there's a splash potion you can throw at your feet.
It's quicker, but it helps you a little.
He just always made perfect decisions in that regard.
Anyway, it was fun.
He ended up beating the other team for us.
Just the whole way they kept him in a cage,
in a glass cage all night long was hilarious.
Yeah, it's awesome.
I'm used to it. I've been bullied severely. I've it's awesome. I'm used to... I've been bullied
severely. I've told the stories of being bullied
and rust and how... I've been bullied.
I've been bullied.
Like my children.
My children with speech impediments
no way.
And now I...
And now it's like... You fucking suck at
worst.
Dude, you think... Middy has like the next time,
like,
like you guys are playing with Middy,
get him to play the sound clip of the kid that we,
that one of the kids from rust.
Cause like one of my,
it wasn't me,
but someone got him to say,
shout out Sean Ranklin and,
and like recorded it.
And so now that's like a drop that Middy has on his like streamer labs thing or
whatever.
And it's just like,
shout out Sean Ranklin. Like, like it like it's we it was like oh something something about rust attracts kids with
speech impediments i think it's just a it's a game full of anti-social edgelords or something i don't
fucking know you think you're getting bullied by that kid imagine that kid's life getting bullied
non-stop for that well i hope i brightened his day like like him knowing that he's got a 30 30 something year old man cowering inside of a
make-believe base i hope that little kid gets all of your jewels he dude that kid got all of my
jewels that i mean this has been a couple years ago but he absolutely he's the one that ate your
pumpkins right he he was the one out there munching on my pumpkins calling me a faggot
and i'm i told that story to jackie over breakfast
it's such a slap in the face and there's nothing you can do about it
it's rough it's rough man like like but this time around i feel like
85 of the time we are the ones eating the pumpkins and and uh like it's very rare that
like we're the ones getting the getting the and uh like it's very rare that like
we're the ones getting the getting the shit end of the stick i mean it's it's happened two or three
times we've taken a couple of losses but 15 do you share your screen on discord kind of pop in there
and oh yeah i'm often streaming um yeah like right now we're actually using like a separate discord
that i'll happily like invite you into only because like the 50 patron discord is obviously
50 patrons and i don't like play favorites and just let my friends in there if they're not paying
50 because it just doesn't seem fair to everyone else yeah yeah and and that guy from finland
it's not like i'm like breaking any he doesn't even know you he doesn't know who the fuck i am
he's playing with me because like he likes me and like like like I think now because like
midi's been streaming and like he saw the rust posters I think someone told him who I was and
like why like there's posters in the base and like because like Paris will be like asking me
questions about guns or like he'll be talking about my arrest or something like that and so
this guy's like this third party over here like Like, who are these people? I'm playing with him eight hours a day and he has no fucking clue.
Like why MIDI stream is,
is got a thousand people in it because Taylor is,
has a,
has a rated him.
He has no idea who we,
he,
I asked him if he knows who wings of redemption is.
And he's like,
was he like the cod guy?
And I'm like,
yeah,
see,
you know,
like random from Finland knows who wings is but the
thing is like our base is completely adorned with wings of redemption posters like like every wings
meme you've seen and like half a dozen you've never seen there's this uh if you pay for vip
in a rust server you get this thing called sil i don't know what the acronym stands for but it's
like sign, interface,
logarithm, something
or another. Basically, it allows you to put up this little
poster board in the game and control
V any image
or link that you possess. And it just goes
bloop. And now you've got this perfect
meme postered inside
your base. Our base is full of them.
I mean, everywhere. MIDI is just decorating
the place. I think I've shown you, but when you walk into the entrance of our base like if you
get two doors in there's like a ladder hatch that comes down you got to climb up into to get a little
deeper in the base and so that means there's a wall right in front of you and it's a picture
of boogie holding that pistol pointed at you like threateningly like with the like entrance behind
him i have no fear they're just warning shots from that picture. Exactly.
Shoot it!
Do it!
What did Frank Castle, that guy,
he goes, kill me!
Get out here and kill me!
It was like, oh my gosh.
Is Boogie making content? What's he up to? Does anyone know?
I don't know. I heard that he suffered a severe
sissy hypno attack recently.
And he's been trying
to recover from that.
We wish him the best.
We wish him the best.
No, I have no idea.
He's still uploading.
Not as often though.
Not a ton, yeah.
Two days ago, 53, 53 000 views a week ago 38
two weeks ago this is like my youtube numbers he's not living large right now well the next
one's 285 but yeah that one was in a ps5 xbox series x he should make a video to target
practicing with that pistol that would blow up it looks like he's averaging less than 100 though
that's a really good idea.
Everybody waxes and wanes.
He'll be okay.
Yeah.
And also, like...
I mean, it's January numbers anyway.
Like, what's the fucking CP?
That might be why he's not uploading.
He might be like,
fuck it, why do I want to upload for 50 cent CPM?
I'll save my ideas for later.
Yeah.
That's what Blame Truth did,
where it's just like,
every, like, November, December, like, what he was saying, he's like, oh, yeah, I upload. for later. That's what Blame Truth did. It's just like every
November, December
what he was saying, he's like, oh yeah, I upload.
I quit Twitch entirely. I make
two videos a day and they do
gangbusters. And then
January 2nd comes around and I quit
YouTube and go back to Twitch until
November again.
And then I make Twitch.
He's figured it out, hasn't he?
You can pull in over 100k pretty much every single upload daily upload for months good that's good for him
yeah he's the codfather the codfather that is a good name yeah yeah um so yeah it's it's been
it's been a good time uh lately in gaming i i'm always looking for something new to play i've got
a couple things in my back pocket
that I'm looking forward to finally getting to.
It's like when you save a movie series or something,
or a TV series or something.
I still haven't played the Doom DLC,
and I'm a huge Doom fan.
It is so good.
I mean, it's Doom DLC.
I heard, yeah.
It's just, right?
I love it.
They knocked it out of the park,
although the OST is not by the dude the dude i
know he was dragging his feet well no he's gone gone he was pissed at the way that they mastered
the audio say that again ost i don't know what the original soundtrack oh thanks ost yeah the
so the music for the game that they've had um right the metal so great encompassing the guy who made it
and previously had been making it was pissed that they had fucked up the mastering on the music so
how it sounds he didn't like what they he had given the raw materials and said all right let's
clean these up and make them crisper and they had muddied them so he was like i'm never working with
you guys again and so he just i love the music that's that's half the fucking enjoyment of playing doom you're fucking ripping and tearing
and like literally fighting angels and demons and it's just
and you're just like it's so good like i'm playing and i'm just having a great time like
like i'm all by myself and just like you should well everything dies it's uh it's it's
you know quake right so uh you're saying it's a lot more right it literally is a move i don't
mind not moving aim trainer my aim has gotten better over the last two months like i sure i
had a bad habit of shooting center mass and i feel like i did that in cod for a decade
and uh i'm in tarkov really really rewards headshots and i just had a hard time retraining center mass. I feel like I did that in COD for a decade.
Tarkov really rewards headshots.
I just had a hard time retraining from that.
Is it double damage?
Tarkov?
Yeah.
Do 50 to body and 100 to head?
The bullet
does the same amount of damage, but people tend to have
chest armor.
There's no armor in the face. So this is no armor in the face.
And there's typically no armor in the face.
And eyes.
Yeah.
So it's usually one shot to the face or about four to five to the chest.
That's right.
And so it makes a huge difference.
Whoever hits the head first tends to win the gunfight.
Yeah.
And I just had a hard time reprogramming.
And then it kind of clicked in the last few weeks
yeah i want to say rust is like double damage um like in regard in regard the face doesn't matter
like if you've got a helmet on your face is covered actually like the top the tier three
helmet in rust is a face mask like it's an armored face mask but some of the skins for it don't cover
your face at all but they're just like all right just just know i mean it doesn't
obscure your vision or cover your face like neither like like like yeah like the rust is a
big skin game like they were they were they release new skins every single week in rust
but the thing is we use service where skin box is a thing where i just pay ten dollars a week
and i have all the skins at my disposal which is a lot cheaper considering some of the skins are hundreds of dollars.
And some of the skins for what's supposed to be a face mask turn it into like a silly helmet that you would think a special needs child would wear.
And they don't cover your face at all.
But your face is provided the same protection.
We're just all pretending like it's covering your face.
Tarkov used to do that before I played it, before you played it too.
Like if you had a helmet on,
it just, it handled your head hit box.
But now the helmet does what it visually does,
which is protect your forehead pretty much.
I don't know if I like that better or not.
The thing about like headshots,
I think are double damage in Rust.
So it's a big deal to hit the head,
but it's not like a one tap all the time.
Like it really depends on their armor and your weapon yeah and i can't think of a round that
doesn't one shot in the head in tarkov so it's headshots can you maybe you can i think if you
get hit with fringe buckshot you might not die okay but like we're talking like one of the buckshot pellets
okay yeah okay okay you're right i think everything else the smallest caliber is the
30 is the no the p.m pistol i think nine by 18 yeah yeah uh yeah tarko's good but it's uh it's punishing yeah i wish someone would like
make a new tarkov and a new rust like like i it seems like those two formulas it seems like those
two formulas aren't duplicated anywhere else though yeah what both of the games i haven't
played rust but their complexity out the wazoo. They're not easy to make.
Oh, it's so complex.
It would take years to make another one, even if they just copied it.
Even if it was just straight up like, hey, this is Facebook.
Make me something just like Facebook.
To get to where they are now, oh my gosh.
It's not easy to duplicate.
One thing they are making a sequel of, finally, and I don't know if any of you even give a shit
It's pub G. They're making pub G 2 right now. What?
Yeah, yeah pub G 2 is finally coming out
Is it by blue rock battle rock blue rock who the fuck is I would think the same as first?
I didn't cream Korean. I didn't dig too deeply into it
I just read pub pub G 2 in development for release this year or next year or something like
that i'm hoping if they fix the tick rate i'll be really happy uh the gunplay was great in pub g
when they got the movements and the vaulting and stuff i still think pub g was one of my favorites
if not my favorite um battle royale game mode i i really liked what they had with it um i don't really need the whole like super
realistic crisp physics right like the cars being that fucky was kind of part of the allure so i
hope they kind of just polish up some of the things and make it more modern than the current
one because that one was built off of like the arma 3 mod like you know that one was it was like hodge together i liked before they added
um vaulting or whatever like like because at that point going through a window was a skill thing
like being able to master that crouch jump i know i remember i think shroud even made a macro for it
like like yeah but but we were all like oh we don't need to fucking macro i've been doing this
i got 500 hours in this shit i can crouch jump through a window and we could and then they added like
vaulting so you're just like your character just climbs through now yeah back without the vaulting
it was really tough to get around like those half walls that they they'd always have it was just
kind of a pain in the ass but yeah it was a skill gap yeah so i So I Googled PUBG 2. I thought you might be interested.
The release date, like this article sucks.
It says they haven't announced it,
so we don't expect it to be in 2021.
It'll probably be later this year.
Like, it can't be both of those, right?
Like, what?
Hell, okay.
Yeah, I don't see anything about it.
And then also, did you know about the calisto
protocol no i don't know what that is what the fuck is that uh i'll read it pub g has been in
the works for several years now to expand upon the game's universe on top of the release of a
sequel to pub g a spin-off game is now planned called the calisto protocol the game is developed
by striking distant studios in california it's set to be a single-player horror experience led by called the Callisto Protocol. The game is developed by Striking Distance Studios in California.
It's set to be a single-player horror experience led by the creator of Dead Space.
The release date is 2022,
and you can watch the trailer.
Let's go.
The creator of Dead Space.
What was that game studio that got torched by EA?
Damn, what was the Dead Space Desk Dead Space you're not thinking of Glenn
Schofield that's visceral games visceral that's what I'm thinking so EA bought or got the or had
the rights to Dead Space and after Dead Space 3 just fucking gutted visceral games and just
were like all right we're done with you and we never got a spiritual successor of it. I'm down to play a PUBG
horror game led by the mind
that made Dead Space franchise.
That seems enjoyable to me.
And
I guess a little more
off the beaten path. That's kind of weird that they
would invest anything into that, right?
Dude, I'm watching the
trailer right now.
There's a monster of some kind i don't know if
it's an alien or a demon but it's horrific um look good oh and it's it a good thing also i'm
looking at a cut scene now that involves them on another planet i don't know if that's jupiter in
the distance like they're on like one of jupiter's moons or oh of course callisto wait what does
callisto mean to you i don't know that word it's
a it's a moon of jupiter i think oh my bad sounds like i should have known that oh it was a month
ago they put out the yeah that that makes sense okay it looks like there's a look i'm not digging
too deeply into this but it looks like you are a prisoner on a in a prisoner that is on the moon
of jupiter callisto and there's some sort of alien outbreak i don't know how this ties into pub g but
it looks fun yeah neither do i but i'm about this i think they're the market for actual horror games
and and like horror shooters is so limited but but during the PS5 releases,
I saw maybe four solid horror games
that they premiered.
It's just rare that you get a really good one
that's got good polish mechanics
and good gameplay.
Yeah.
It's not like Jumping Deer.
Children of the Forest is coming out soon-ish.
I don't know if you ever played The Forest.
Oh, I know of it, yeah.
Yeah, it's like co-op horror with some basic building stuff
and a pretty limited but interesting storyline.
It's a lot of fun.
It would be a good...
I don't know if it'd be a good stream game or not.
If you don't have a guide to walk you through it,
because you've got a lot of...
Basically, you're on this island, you crash land,
and you're trying to save your son, but
to get to the end game, you've got to go
into like 8 or 10 different caves
and like
get another piece of the puzzle to like
do the final mission. Like, yo, I'm going to need
this axe, I'm going to need this gun, and I'm going to
need this rebreather scuba
tank, and I'm going to need this climbing axe
and like every cave has another
item that you need
to complete the puzzle that makes you an in-game uh capable player it's a marathon stream yeah oh
like especially if you've got a guide who's like all right because like team of people because if
you don't know what's going on then like it might take you a long time to find the map and once
you've got the map it's it's things are kind of straightforward but you could easily
spend eight hours like wandering and just getting killed by natives that'd be fun um you know epic
games uh i know it was the uh gears small company yeah actually that's where this is headed they
make fortnight for people who don't know um they just bought a mall around here there was a mall that was like you
know malls they're all kind of failing everywhere and they needed a new office space so they bought
a whole gosh darn mall and they're gonna renovate it into epic games that's gonna be fucking cool
campus if i have to say i've you know i've been to quite a few tech campuses that all seem to be
like college 2.0 because i think that none of those
people that work there got a real college experience so they're trying to like bring
them back you know i mean that's just okay yeah because they're nerds is that where you're headed
with that okay but regardless the the the cool tech campus um reno the the fact that they're
using a mall seems pretty sick um is i'm assuming it's still in
business triangle park yeah yeah it's uh i think it's called the triangle mall i'd have to look it
up but uh they bought a sort of a local failing mall and uh i i'm interested in what happens to
america's malls i it's probably only interesting to me but you've got a ton of real estate we were talking
about this just the other day yeah like like we were talking about i'm sorry i keep interrupting
you go ahead it's cary town center uh tucker if you're curious that's what it's called
i literally know that mall so weird i didn't one i didn't know it was defunct but i haven't been
there in like five years it had been scheduled to be closed and demolished in 2020,
but they're going to convert it into their campus by 2024, I guess.
We were thinking it would be really cool to buy a mall
and turn it into an airsoft or paintball arena.
I think that'd be a great idea.
Where in Iowa are you guys going to buy that?
That's like one of the fantasies
of doing airsoft or paintballs.
Like, build a
town center and let me fight in it.
Like the one that you guys used to do with the
whole gathering. All those
maps that you guys would play on. I was like,
fuck, those look fun. It's like Call of Duty.
Yeah.
Well, we did play in the one place
in Chicago that has... That's the one that I'm thinking of. What's the well we did play in the one place in chicago that has um
that's the one that i'm thinking what's the cod map with the the nuketown yeah that has nuketown
that was pretty cool like like to be somewhere that you'd seen so many times virtually
i think they've made shipment as well now shipment would obviously be super cheap to make
like i don't know why everyone wouldn't do that would it i yeah shipping containers are cheap i guess i'm i'm stuck on mocking up like a floor
of some sort but i guess you wouldn't it's grass yeah yeah it's grass shit man what am i saying
i'm stuck on what is the rust you're thinking of the rust map that's got the big tower and all
the crazy shit going on it takes place on a ship and it's from cod for well oh you're wet work what i'm you said shipment
clearly i went straight to wet work in my head and i'm like yeah you need a fucking boat for that
cargo vessel we're gonna take a battleship and bring it inland to chicago it's cheap uh yeah
no shipment which is essentially just a bunch of shipping containers
in a little fenced off arena of square and a burned car one burned car in a couple of barrels
yeah you'll need a dumpster i think there's my yeah one of the spots i would hang too yeah not
a lot to it um but yeah that was pretty cool um but yeah a mall like especially if you like
knocked out knock some holes in the
walls that like separate fucking build a bear from sabaro like so you could just you don't you
don't have to go out into the mall i like where you're headed ah glory halls are always a given
uh in any architecture architectural design dick in there and someone shoots it with a paintball
god god building i figured you were talking about paintball courses just play in east
st louis are they playing much and he's like i've heard that this is an urban thing where people are
shooting each other with paintball guns i read it online it must be true no they use real guns over
there yeah true i would play in Baltimore it's simple
I'll shoot them with paintball and they'll
shoot you period
ultimate tag
every day they play it
play with life
there are like burnt out
houses and things that would be fun
like some like across the street
but like you can treat the street like cars don't drive down
there like you'll dodge you know it's not that big a deal you can play like attack and
defend those are always my favorite scenarios impact and defend is when like one person you
have to hold the fortress or whatever and they can't get to the to pull the flag and the other
one is attack i i don't i had fun doing both attacking and defending but there was something
i don't know i feel like you always shoot more people defending so that's more fun i saved this as a topic kept track of how many times you nutted
per yeah this isn't me this is all yours woody no but i would be proud jesus this what happened
in march this guy fucking jerked off two and a half times a day this guy tracked how many times he nutted over the course of a year
very few tolerance days here he is pretty much every day jerking it but averaging twice a day
it's gnarly he like all right all right march 16th my birthday this man jerked off seven times
dude so one of the comments had that same birthday and he said the same thing birthday, this man jerked off seven times. Dude, someone in the comments had that same birthday.
And he said the same thing.
He's like, you jerked off seven times on my birthday.
That's Tucker's account.
Oh, wait, it's me.
You're right.
That's top comment.
Look at that.
Dude, this is, I'm just now like getting a good look at this data.
That's a lot of.
This is an astounding amount of masturbating.
That's way too many four days of masturbating that's way too
many four days right it's way too many three days that's the real kicker to me honestly way too many
two a days like i mean guys like we're looking at like the majority of these jet all right well
hold on he averages like 125 yeah he averages too but but I'm saying, yeah, oh, my God.
His dick going.
We should sponsor this guy with Lock and Load.
You know what's crazy?
Not once did he jack off six times.
Right?
True.
He was sitting on six and said, why stay at six when i could push the
boundary to seven he has three fives and a seven but no sixes this guy is a fucking loser what
this guy's a champion and this guy is i'm i think about i moved to sponsor him for lock and closer
think about how much all right here's something you know all those like uh you've
seen those videos it's like on a spectrum or something where they like have a bunch of strangers
come and they all stand on a spectrum it's like masturbation and you have like the i'll never
touch my dick and like i jerk off every day kind of guys this guy on a spectrum like he he one of
those people was like i stopped masturbating and i freed up all this free time to
like better myself this guy has at minimum one hour a day that he spends masturbating and on
these like seven days these four days we're talking like two hours of free time he could
learn like french or like study day trading but he's jerking it. I disagree. There's no way he's spending an hour.
This is a master of his craft.
Clearly this guy gets to a day in 30 minutes.
I'm betting.
I bet he is addicted to masturbating and pornography.
And so he's probably edging Jim Norton style for hours and hours and hours
a day.
Yeah.
You,
but you bust seven times in a day.
How long does
seven take?
Right, like five?
You're just like...
I'm telling you, imagine you're beating up
for the seventh time a day and you just be like,
I'm actively
disinterested in this.
It's not even that I'm not enjoying it.
This is the guy that's pissed off
that he ran out of porn.
And he's right. You were talking guy that's pissed off that he ran out of porn. Yeah.
And he's right.
And you know what?
You were talking about that spectrum thing where it's like,
doesn't touch your dick.
Always touches his dick.
This guy, have you ever seen where they're like,
if Susan is the sun and Timothy is the moon,
that's the real distance.
200 yards.
He would be hundreds of yards past the addict.
He's a super user. I feel like you guys are giving him too hard of a time uh and this seven being out right when i was in
college jackie and i had sex 11 times in a day once that's sex well this is sex a lot of sex
hold on that's too much yeah about like after six you're just not having fun now you're just doing
it for score no no i enjoyed all 11 i disagree wholeheartedly
i'm just withering away he's consumed you heart and soul yeah well i think
dude tucker really hit the nail on the head with the look
at how many three a days because that is a true masturbating three times a day that's a lot normal
this guy's an adult this guy is not how do you know he's an adult i remember when i was 13
being like unlimited fun like but not this this guy i I know that this guy is no
younger than 16 years old because he
put together a competent data sheet.
And he stuck with it
for a full year.
This guy is dedicated
to putting this together.
There is a no...
There's no way, shape, and form
in which, in my mind, this guy is
under 18. I'd say if i had to guess
he's 20 he's between 16 and 21 i'm calling it okay all right has anybody found uh i can look
let's see who posted it i'm already looking at his profile by the way something uh i nutted 17 seven times
on march 17th it was saint patty's day uh as a whole march as a whole was a high average nut
month this is because sudden free time from school porn hub premium was free and it just felt like
masturbating dude is a champion stop teasing him he's a jesus oh how old are you someone replied uh
he's 17 17 yeah are you guessing or did you see it uh somebody says you're 17 and you have a porn
addiction ah ah no porn addiction isn't a real thing he's just really good at watching porn
yeah all i gotta say oh yeah he says he's 17 all i gotta say is this dude um
oh man sorry i'm just reading his like paragraph about him defending that he's not addicted to
porn and masturbation a lot of people say that i need to get help or that i'm addicted to porn and masturbation. A lot of people say that I need to get help or that I'm addicted to porn and
masturbation.
I don't believe her that this comment,
that these comments are valid.
Although from an outside perspective,
I would think the same thing.
I rarely ever force myself to masturbate and only do it if I want to.
And if I can,
you can see this in March and October.
In March, there was no school, free Pornhub premium,
and I just felt like doing it,
so that was my highest average.
In October, IRL school started
for the first time in six months,
so I didn't have as much free time to masturbate,
and I often didn't just feel like doing it.
I'm able to control myself.
I think that this is a reason enough to say
I don't have an addiction,
although I'm not an expert on the subject.
This man pointed to October,
where he only jacked off 1.25 times a day.
He's a champion.
I'm sold.
I'm convinced.
He's great.
He described addiction in there.
He was like,
I only jack off when I want to like i only drink
when i want to and i never forced myself to drink it's just that i want to drink every morning at
8 a.m i'm not forcing myself i want to do it i want that bump of cocaine i'm in full control
you see when i had a bunch of family meetings I only had one half a handle
every day but the days that I didn't have that I had two handles it's when I at least three times
I start to get shaky that's not addiction stop the presses I want this guy's face on the label
of lock and load he's he's the man and I guarantee you see his face. He is not the man.
Oh, can I read this?
Somebody top comment. You really missed out by not nutting into a bucket for every single nut.
OP.
Well, I originally planned to nut into a small measuring cup with a lid 10 times every couple of months to get an average nut volume.
But that would be most accurate for the whole year.
The first time I nutted into the cup, everything
went great. I closed the cup and hit
it so nobody would see, but then
later in the day when I opened it,
I almost puked because the air
coming out of it stank so much.
It was literally
80% as bad as recently
deceased animals. Worse than
literal shit. Never again.
This guy's
great. I love this guy.
He is a go-getter.
Yes.
God damn.
At least he got out.
That was St. Paddy's Day.
Wait, the day you go out
with friends generally and
do something?
The day you beat off seven times in honor of St. Patrick.
He didn't jerk off on Valentine's Day because he said he had dry hands.
I wish that St. Patrick's Day was followed by something other than a one.
Recovery Day.
Right?
That's his tolerance day.
He just jerks off once.
Recovery day.
Huge hangover from beating off seven times on St. Patrick's.
March, he just woke up covered in his own cum
like a fucking Krispy Kreme donut.
Here it goes.
It's ectoplasm.
Andy Marsh covered in cum.
Brazilian fart porn.
Kyle, is this the man or is this guy
awful are you up to speed on the topic
he's awful yeah he's awful
like you gotta calm down with that
this is someone who is spending far too much
time at home
and I spend a lot of time at home
he's 17
ooh yeah when I was 17
he's occupied 8 hours a day
though right at 17 he should really like
like i guarantee this guy clearly this guy isn't getting laid right like there's no can we and can
we envision a scenario where this guy is getting laid and jerking off that it hasn't come up because
it was a foregone conclusion it's a foregone conclusion and a big part of the reason he's
not getting laid is this masturbation he has no sex drive in between like jerking it three times a day he's
like ah i could like you know go take a shower and and and i don't know go to the mall and look
for well you'll go to a mall look for a girl but go to the bar and he's 17 i don't know where 17
i don't i know where-year-olds get girls. I know where I get 17-year-old girls, but I don't know where...
Just head on down to Blockbuster.
Were you guys all having sex at 17?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was definitely having sex at 17.
Not on a regular basis, for sure.
I don't have sex now,
but it was my main focus.
It was my main focus to in the day it was my main focus
to finger bang or grab some titties or or get something going on get a ball sucked i was almost
18 when i lost my i was like the following month i turned 18 i was uh 16 when i lost my virginity
nice kyle i like you have sex now kyle of like like that is the reason he's not getting laid
we've talked about like he's clearly addicted to porn
and anytime he's getting horny
the thought of going out and being social
and working to get a girl is like
to him probably like oh why bother
I can just do this and I won't even want to do that
you and Molly?
holy shit
my load stack
the PKA load stack coming soon i we got a sponsor each time each
time i grabbed that was three to four pills so just to give you an idea since we did load stack
i have no yeah oh oh yeah you're talking to me no what is the load stack because i think the last
time we were on we talked about cum load volume and how to increase it with like...
That's right.
It's been a while.
Or like sunflower, whatever.
That was the impetus of the whole idea.
And now we have a product going into production,
the PKA Load Stack.
Kyle wants to take this away.
So the product is called Lock and Load.
It has been in the works for quite some time.
I still get people even in
the $50 patron who are like, people complain sometimes when we repeat ourselves. However,
what you don't know is that 90% of the people don't hear or hang on every word we say. Like,
if you're that guy, then thanks. You make it, you make my life easier. You're not the one asking me
questions repeatedly, but I'm still, I got asked like yesterday in the $50 patron, I was hanging
out with a bunch of those guys. Hey, Oh wait, that's happening. That's a thing. I'm like, yeah, it's a
thing we've been working diligently on for months now with Derek. Derek is a, he has a YouTube
channel called more plates, more dates. And, uh, and he does this sort of thing a lot with sub,
he has a lot of his own line of supplements that he, uh, he researches thoroughly. And then he
sources, uh, the materials and he researches thoroughly and then he sources
uh the materials and he gets them made and the it's really high quality stuff well we're going
through him because he has all that infrastructure in place and he understands pharmacology enough
that like there was one point where i was like oh yeah let's do this much selenium and then we look
into it and it was like i think that causes hair loss. I'm like, all right, all right. A third of the selenium. Yeah. A third of the selenium. Yeah. That'll be
fine. But essentially products called lock and load. We've been working on it for months. We
have already gotten our like labels done and all of that stuff right now it's in Derek's hands.
He is handling the formula formulation and sourcing the, the, you know, all of the product,
all of the ingredients together,
people keep asking me, I don't know the price point.
If I had to guess, somewhere between $20 and $80 a month.
I don't know.
The reason I'm giving you that number is because when I take all the pills individually,
which is like a dozen pills,
it comes to like $70 a month or something like that, $80 a month.
It's hard for me to get an exact number
because I haven't sat down and done the math. And some of the bottles are two month supplies. Some are
three and some are one. I'd have to sit down and think about it. I just don't care what,
I don't know what the formulation is going to be. I don't know if you're going to get a little
packet of pills inside of a box and like each one is a day, or I don't know if you're going to get
like a scoop of something that you mix with water or one gigantic horse pill.
I don't know if it's going to be a suppository.
It might be.
That's what I'm hoping for.
Yeah, I'm hoping for suppositories.
Urethral suppository.
Oh, we go.
Most load stacks have you take a pill.
We go straight to the source.
And look, easy application.
It shows a guy And like he's feeding the hose
in.
He's grabbing feet
of hose to like thread in.
It comes with
the application wand and a handy
fighting stick.
That's authentic Rawhide.
Deal with the pain the way
your cowboy ancestors did.
And then he was like,
come like a champion.
That's our
no pain, no gain.
No excruciating agony,
no gain. We were working on the label one day like
like we're all in like a little whatsapp chat together like the three of us derrick and the
designer and uh taylor's like i want a little badge there that says official pka nut stack
and i guess derrick didn't see that right away so the designer made it and like slapped it on
the bottle and the der Derek's like, um,
guys,
I don't know if we're going to be able to get that past my credit card process.
Like,
like,
and we're like,
well,
it's,
you know,
we're not,
we're not firm on that.
You know,
we call it something else.
Like,
all right,
all right,
all right.
So we edit that out.
But although the bottle is covered in cum stains,
so take that for what,
what it's worth.
The cum stains are fine,
but the,
you know, there are pieces that
went on at one point i think i hope there weren't there's we've always had some sort of a motif of
like a tank or a rocket or a missile like to sort of hammer home the whole locked and loaded
gun association thing and i think right now we have a tank sort of like, I don't know what you call it when it's
like, it's like invaded out in the background. Um, in any case, yeah, lock and load is absolutely
happening. Uh, last I heard it would be done at the end of this month and perhaps even be able
to take pre-orders soon ish, you know, all of that's in the air, all that's on Derek's end.
And Derek's a busy guy. Like, It's not like he just makes videos about whether
or not people are on steroids. He's doing two
uploads a day. He's running his TRT
clinic and he's running
the Gorilla Mind product line
over there. He's a busy guy.
He's going to work out four hours a day.
I think he works out an hour,
five, six days a week or something
like that. In any case,
it's happening. It's being worked on diligently at the latest next month.
But I'm confident or I'm hopeful that this month
we're going to have a product that will be shipped to your homes
and into your balls.
This month, I think I heard Derek say that something,
something you guys get the ballpark.
And I will say this again.
I know I've said this before,
but this goes back to that thing that I've always been really conscious of the
fact that like,
like when I was doing FPS Russia stuff,
it's like not everybody watches every video.
Not everybody reads every Twitter post.
They don't know what's going on right now.
So I need to like repeat myself a lot so that everybody gets it.
I have been measuring my,
my calm throughout this
process. We, I have tripled my volume from taking this. So that little piece of completely anecdotal
evidence is there for your consumption. It'll be a big gulp though. Okay. Because we went from,
we went from right at three milliliters per load to verging on nine milliliters per load. Now,
I get it. We're Americans, most of us. The metric system is lost to us.
Look up what nine milliliters of anything looks like. This is a huge load. And look,
anecdotal evidence, right? Maybe it won't do that for everyone maybe your loads aren't going
to triple in volume however i will say this i think that we can legally guarantee that
no we can't how do they get a pill that makes me come nothing i want it to
no clean up no problem and like like one thing i want want people to understand because some
people are like why would i want bigger loads and look while i don't i don't share your mysticism about why you
would want bigger loads because i think it's cool the orgasm is longer as well it take it's not like
i'm coming like the same length of time to get it's just more volume per spurt or whatever, per rope. It's that I'm now shooting three times as many ropes of the same volume each time.
I'm coming for longer.
Look, true story.
I know the young lady is listening right now.
I came three days ago, and she was like, oh, my God. That was so – she was like oh my god that was so like she was like that's so much she's like you're
gonna have to change your sheets now i'm like i'm gonna have to sell those sheets now that was
that was outrageous i would think that if i was her i would think i did an outstanding job
right she knows about the load stat if there's but if there's triple the volume
i'm taking some credit for that.
I take all the credit for that.
I'm the one over here choking down a dozen pills a day.
This is a hot tip for anyone who's going to buy this.
Buy it.
Keep it secret from your significant other
until they start to notice.
We're going to get sued for drowning somebody.
It's absurd.
She's going to become,
she's going to become a two gulp gal faster than she thinks after a couple of weeks.
Like she'll have to swallow and then swallow again.
Cause there will be so much and you're going to enjoy it.
And she will,
she,
you know what?
Who cares if she enjoys it?
You'll enjoy it.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Oh,
and I want to say,
that's what I was going to say
like you'll be like i'm glad you brought the the how long you're orgasming point because you'll be
like coming on or whatever and like you're like oh this is usually where we're and there's some more
oh there's another one and there's another one like it's in like at the very end where you're
out of a magician's sleeve you always think the last one has come. Yeah.
There's additional ones.
And when you get to like the very end of the orgasm,
normally it's just like drip, drip, drip.
It's still like, there's a lot more drips.
Like if you do that move where you like flick your dick at her,
like a whole nother load is coming out.
It's outrageous.
It looks like... It really is fun.
Like I jumped on an open bottle of Elmer's.
Absolutely.
Oh, and I wanted to say this about the Patreon.
If like one of the things about Patreon,
and this is kind of out of our hands,
and I've only become aware of it
in like the last six weeks or so,
and I keep forgetting to talk about it.
If you sign up on the 29th of the month,
you are purchasing one to two days of Patreon access.
So don't do that.
Like I don't want anyone to feel ripped off by, by, by, by doing that. You know, the, the deal is it's, it's from the first of the
month to the end of the month. And that is the billing cycle and the access cycle. So if you
purchase on the 29th, you're buying a day or two of Patreon access for full price,
and you're going to get charged again in two or three days. So don't do that. If,
if your goal is to like jump on the $50 Patreon chat
and play zombies with me and Taylor one night or something like that.
It's a bad business model.
It's a bad business model on their end, yeah.
And if I could change it, I would.
I would make it so you get 30 days of access regardless.
Yeah, it's just prorated.
That's so ridiculous.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
So I just want everyone to go into into that like pre-warned.
Like today's the 7th, right?
I don't think it's a bad time to sign up.
However, if you sign up right now, you're buying three weeks of access to the Patreon.
So know that going in.
The best time to buy is obviously the first of the fucking month.
So you're getting all of the access you want.
Now, if you're going to be one of those people, like a lot of those guys have been in there for months and months and months from the very beginning.
So who cares?
Right?
Like,
like you're just signing up for a continual service,
but just be pre-warned and know how that works going in.
Also,
we are actively looking for someone to do our animation for the,
for like some animated cuts from PKA.
I was thinking like some of Taylor's Bible stories would be hilarious
animated. And I think that, you know you know not not tooting my own horn but i think some of my prison
stories in particular like maybe one or two are like really good and would play well animated
first crop will do all me but but i mean i think your i think your bible stories are going to be
superior animated because like so much more animation.
Yeah.
And I think that they are more, um,
attractive to a wider group of people because a Kyle prison story,
for example,
is really interesting perhaps to our core group of people who are familiar with those and familiar with me.
However,
a Taylor Bible story is attractive to everyone in the same way that like when I used to make merchandise, I wanted to make
something that didn't just say,
FBS Russia!
I also wanted a shirt that you could just wear because you thought
it was cool. I think it works
like that. For sure.
I think that your Bible
schools stories...
I have wasabi peas in my
mouth and it's so uncomfortable to talk when I'm eating.
No, I think
that your Bible stories would be a really
good short
series, I guess we'll call them.
You don't need aggressive animation.
You just need slight, like,
you don't even need mouth animation. It can just be
characters. But it's one of those things that's
perennial. You can throw it up there
and somebody's
gonna look for funny bible stories the youth pastor and his fucking put off like cargo shorts
and socks with sandals is gonna be like all right hey someone's getting close to home
accidentally find yeah so and so we're actually looking for an animator right now if anyone knows
an animator point them in our direction.
There's a business email in the links
to these videos, I believe.
Maybe throw one in
here.
In any case,
that's something we're actively working on. We know
how many we owe, but
it's one of those things that we want to get right.
We want to make something that everybody's going to be happy with.
We're kind of blown away with how successful the Patreon has been.
Thanks for all of you who sign up.
It's been really cool.
I love the little community that we've developed over in that Discord.
I think for some of those guys,
the favorite part of their day is jumping in there
and playing a big poker tournament with us or, you know, playing.
We're playing Russ with us like like all those.
There's a bunch of guys who are just we've got multiple rooms, obviously, for different things.
And there's always a bunch of people late night playing like big poker tournaments for for money or like I think Friday we're all going to do a group watch on a movie.
I don't know if you or Taylor want to jump in there, Woody, but we're going to watch Sling Blade Friday night.
We're going to do any other movie.
Maybe you jump in next Friday when it will be Death Wish.
It'll be Death Wish next Friday.
But yeah, we're going to watch some funny, cheesy movies that I am picking
because I say so.
No, like this week, it's got to be sling blade because
because i love it but after that i don't care who picks the movie i'll watch anything but we're all
gonna get a big uh group chat and we'll be able to like watch it mystery science theater 3000 mode
and uh and then we're gonna play a bunch of community games um that that i really like so
we do a bunch of community games like jeopardyy and Codenames and Trivial Pursuit. When Among Us was big, we'd all have a big lobby of that.
And it's a great fucking time.
That game got old quick.
I like those guys.
Some of those guys in the 50 Patreon I consider really close friends at this point.
There's some cool people in there.
And then there's Dirty.
Have you played proximity chat among us
i've only played the regular game once right so obviously that should and very much should get
dull quick because the only like interaction you have is during vote time right yeah yeah
and so it's just silent like analytics like where is somebody? So there's a third-party mod that adds proximity chat.
It's very janky and has a lot of bugs, whatever.
But the guy who's building it is doing a good job in updating it.
And it basically runs on top of it.
So anybody within, you can set the range,
but anybody within a certain range can hear you talking.
And obviously that makes the actual gameplay itself
where you're doing your wires and talking to people
so much more interesting
because you can talk about anything you want.
The betrayals is more interesting.
But I'm hopeful they figure out a way to make it
so you can actually adjust volumes, et cetera.
But you should definitely try it out.
It made the game infinitely more fun than it was when you're just silently
trying to figure out who the killer is,
when everybody can hear each one,
not anybody within the realm can hear each other.
Yeah.
It sounds like fun.
I'll have to try it.
I need to find people to play with people who are bad.
I won't be one of those people.
Um,
cause I really hate among us,
but,
um, we play sometimes on Sundays, uh, and like, people who are mad. I won't be one of those people, because I really hate Among Us, but I'll play it.
We play sometimes on Sundays,
at like,
four-ish Pacific,
so,
if you're down,
I'll send you the links and stuff.
Cool,
I'll DM you.
That'd be fun.
I have so much more fun, on shit-talking role-playing games,
than I do on being good at games.
It's just, not even close i'll probably learn how to get good at a game yeah i mean i suck at games too all right right so like it's more fun like the interactions that i have with people that's
why i play counter-strike still if i get into a counter-strike game every one of those people
is probably using a microphone.
But you don't suck at games, though, do you?
You're above average at games.
No, he's really good at games.
He's saying that he's no shroud.
He's not a specialist.
If you had a ban of everyone that plays video games,
I'm above average.
But if you take a ban of people who stream video games,
I'm below average, right? But I don't think you're the worst. Like, you play a ban of people who stream video games i'm below average
right but i don't think you're the one like you play a lot you can't be i don't think you're even
below average as far as the people who stream games because you've got to subtract every single
girl first yeah i guess i are both pretty good gamers like i've seen you play tarkov you're
quite good at tarkov you're a top 10 tarkov player i player. Hmm. I, all right.
I just,
I look at the people that are good at games and I'm like,
we are light years apart.
I might,
I'm not the worst gamer in the world where I'm like looking at the ground
running around.
I'm just not.
You're no landmark.
Yeah.
You're not landmark.
I'm not landmark,
but I'm not going to like shit on any,
any other Twitch streamers,
but you're better than a lot of the Twitch streamers I play.
I see play Tarkov. Like, like I would watch you for your like expertise in T other Twitch streamers, but you're better than a lot of the Twitch streamers I see play Tarkov.
I would watch you for your
expertise in Tarkov.
Your personality
might be your main
skill. But I know how to play it.
Yeah, you're good at the fucking
game.
It's one of those things where
if you look at all gamers like we're all
like top three percent because most gamers are just awful andy crush ain't even worth it yeah
but i mean you're looking at if you're looking at like call of duty um you know i'll hop on there
and i'll play i hate i play like game battles with um hutch and and them and that's the only time that I'll play Call of Duty multiplayer right now.
So I'll jump on to warm up with them prior to getting into game battles,
and we'll play public matches.
And for the first two or three games, I'm talking to chat,
listening to music, eating food, and I have a 4KD,
and then skill-based matchmaking catches up, and you're like,
oh my god, I'm not shit.
Like I'm not built for this.
How do you do in the game battles? That's pretty
competitive. Usually people who play game battles are very
good. Game battles is really sweaty.
On the last two times that I played
with them, for whatever fucking
reason, the matches that we were getting
when I was matching with the,
when I was on the team, we were getting
people who were like 65 and five.
Right.
So like,
like that's just brutal.
We're like,
I'm sweating my ass off as somebody who plays call of duty once every two
weeks and they play game battles every day.
But,
um,
I'm definitely better than,
uh,
some of the people they bring on.
I'm certainly not as good.
I I'm like optic hex level,
like maybe a little less than him.
I'm good enough that they invite me back. I'm just notic Hex level. Maybe a little less than him. I'm good enough
that they invite me back.
I was just talking to Hex yesterday.
How's he doing?
He's doing good.
Bought Optic back.
Doing his
podcast over there?
I'm going to jump on his podcast pretty soon.
We're trying to work out a day.
I know. I was so insulted.
I was like, in my Twitch chat,
a bunch of people being like, Hex wants to talk.
Hex wants you to get in contact with Woody and Kyle.
Hex wants to talk to the PKA gang.
I was like, oh, what's up? And one guy was like,
yeah, he says he wants to talk to Woody and Kyle
to get them on his show.
And I was like,
dude. That surprises me,
actually. I would have guessed I was third choice.
You're taking my spot, Taylor.
Fuck.
Well, I'll give him your number, Woody.
All right.
I'll text him.
I think he probably has my number.
Or not.
I gave it to him 15 years ago.
I don't know why he wouldn't have it.
Yeah.
It's probably changed three times.
No, it is not the same 2010 number.
That's four phones ago.
Yeah, I used to change my phone number not every year.
That's an exaggeration.
But every two or three years because it would just get out.
Yeah.
I used to change my phone every six months but
that was because the federal government would take it away they called it evidence
bastards there wasn't anything on there but fun nudes yeah yeah i remember telling my lawyer i
was like dick i've seen him i was like do you think i could get my phone back i i really just
want some of those nudes back that That's the only place they were saved.
He's like, I'll ask, but frankly.
It's a compelling reason.
Here's the phone.
My client would like some of the tits that are on that phone.
Can we just get the hard drive copied?
That's all he wants.
Quick hard drive copy.
Can we do that?
Can we send that to the war room?
Yeah, well, I'm sorry you lost your nudes it's okay there'll be more there's more nudes yeah
there will be more there's always more not a finite supply of those i suppose we'll be okay
it's like three billion fish in the sea some of those were high effort though classy nudes
like one of those girls was like an amateur model.
So a lot of the stuff was like in cornfields and stuff.
It was like, you know, it was fun stuff.
She had a photographer.
Amateur model and a photographer.
So she's just a pretty girl.
Yeah.
Amateur model.
And you said cornfields.
That's like every Midwestern slightly attractive woman is like has like the facebook
photos of them standing in a cornfield or like on a mountain scantily clad if clad at all for
artistic nudes and it's i mean well this one was actually like look calling yourself a model is
something that like every girl who takes pictures of herself does i don't know at what point i would
consider you an actual model but this girl is on paid for it okay well she was getting paid for it if that if that's
the if that's the low bar you've got a hurdle over like she was on like calendars i don't know like
oh no i meant like companies pay for it not like louis calendar llc, it wasn't that. It was one of those Amazon listings
where you can make your own calendar.
Yeah.
It was...
Look, I'm not going to go into it.
It was a calendar.
It was a calendar where she was getting paid
to be on as a calendar.
What's her social?
It wasn't a lot.
It was like $1,500 to be like Miss August
or something like that.
Miss August Firestone Tire.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a model.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Miss Firestone August.
Yeah.
Miss Firestone.
I should have picked a smaller company.
That sounds like they could have something.
Kind of like that.
Yeah, yeah.
It's the Michelin star, but it's the Firestone of amateur nudes.
I was always like, we've talked about the
michelin thing before but like ever since i heard what a michelin rated restaurant was years and
years and years ago i was like oh that's so funny that's like the tire company like do you know why
the michelin restaurants or michelin uh tire company started that it's because they they made
they wanted to make a list of places that were worth traveling to.
What do you need to travel your tires?
So they said, here are all the restaurants that you should drive 400 miles to go eat at.
What a good idea.
Right?
Except that was, I mean, what was it, like 1922?
And so like somebody was like, I've got an idea.
Hey, Tommy, listen to this.
Here's a lock. We'll tell them. Here's this. Listen to this. We'll like, hey, Tommy, listen to this. Here's a lock.
We'll tell them.
Here's this.
Listen to this.
We'll tell them.
They need to go to Johnny's on the East Coast.
They're over there on the West Coast.
What do you need to get there?
Tires.
Who's going to buy the tires?
Michelin.
Road trip.
Thank God you don't go caning again, aren't you, Jerry?
He's like, oh, it's a pharmacy.
It's right down there.
It's in the third aisle.
It's illegal.
Yeah.
Michelin's great great the fact that they
just came back to the u.s is lovely too because they keep giving michelin stars like mid restaurants
and it's kind of fun like it's like very political now you know it's been yeah like getting a
michelin star they're like hey we gave a michelin star to some like elderly woman in thailand who
makes noodles for three dollars and they're incredible.
And they're worth like,
that's worth a Michelin star.
And they're like,
we came to LA.
We found the most fire grilled cheese joint,
one Michelin star for you.
And it's like,
this place is not great.
Nobody goes here.
Yeah.
So hotcake.
That would,
how do you,
we probably asked you this before.
How do you feel about in and out?
Uh, okay. I mean, maybe we haven't talked about this in and out was one of those things where
since i grew up on the east coast and i love you know every like everything from bojangles to
zaxby's to wawa i was like all right cool we go over to the the coveted in and out and for the
first like three or four times i ate, um, animal style,
you know,
double burger and then animal fries. And I wasn't really impressed at some point in the first two years of living
here.
I realized that in and out burgers are the best burger for their buck and
the best employer or,
uh,
like anybody that's working there because of their like 15 minimum wage all that shit
but their fries fucking suck thank you so bad they're the worst fry in in the history of fast
food we are so on the same page yeah first of all i like the $15 thing yeah burger is is great for
the money like exactly i like those onions i like the onions i i think it's a great burger for that
price point right five guys blows it out of the water of course but that's a 12 hamburger
yeah um but they're fries and i was talking to my friend midi about this because he went out and
stayed with chis for a little while and they had in and out together and he was like telling he
was like eating the animal style fries and he's like dude these are just soggy skinny fries like i don't even know what the french fry tastes like because it's covered
in all this sauce and bullshit like they're just wet and soggy like you gotta eat them with a fork
and they're gross and she's like get out of the car get out of the car no the fries are bad and
anybody that says they're not is insane like mc's fries for shoestring, that or Shake Shack,
I think also has shoestring fries.
They do.
Yeah, those are the like –
Steak and Shake does as well.
No, Steak and Shake.
That's the one that I'm thinking of.
Yeah.
Those two are the pinnacle of crispy or at least like good skinny fries.
Yeah.
But In-N-Out, like you can get them extra crispy or like well done but then you're
just an asshole asking everybody to hold up the line while they like fry the shit out of your
fries and then they're not even like they're just burnt and limp they're not like you can't hold an
in and out fry up vertically that's like the temperature they use is wrong or something like
that it's like too low they like to feed the french fry they look in oil yeah they
look like fries that i would have bought at like a little league kiosk that that's what i was gonna
say like i said yeah i never had in and out but i just looked up the animal style and it's like if
i ordered that and i was expecting like like a an experience style of experience i i would be i'd be
upset i'd be like not only does this i'm
not gonna eat this this is gross this is like it i can already this the potato has become soup
it's like white trash poutine it is oh my god that's a hundred percent what it is it's west
coast socal bullshit poutine and it's not even like and at least poutines have like crispy exterior fries
that then they cover in gravy none of these photos when i google in animal style fries like none of
these photos accurately represent how pale and lifeless the the fucking potato fries are they're
just i've only had it twice i've only had it twice and uh both times it was like a california and
being like time for the experience we're going to in and out i was like cool man like i like fast food let's go
i've never you know i'm east coast here let's do it i just don't know how you can look at i don't
know how you can look at a um i don't know how you can look at like an in and out burger and
and then their fries and then say like these are from the same company i just
uploaded it like the the burger the presentation immaculate all the ingredients stacked together
like it looks good and then the fucking fries it's like who came up with this yeah that burger
looks tremendous yeah that tomato looks nice and thick and hearty and healthy not one of those mcdonald's tomatoes
where it's like it's pale sad limp it's a flaccid disgusting weak no and you know what i found out
that i think one of the big reasons why i like in and out burgers is because they um they they uh
griddle they use the griddle to sear the part of the bun that touches the ingredients,
which makes the bun not get super soggy when you take it home
because it's got that crisp layering.
And so you take it home, you still get that crunch, and I'm like, ugh.
My favorite fast food fries, I think, are the Zaxby's crinkle fries
because I like a thicker fry,
and they had whatever that seasoning shit they put on there is it's like seasoned salt of
some kind is really fucking tasty.
That and like obviously five guys,
but five guys is like this weird middle guy.
This is a cheat code that that's in between.
Like you can't,
it's a fast service,
not a fast food.
It's also like 50% more expensive than anything else.
You're going to compare it.
My friend was undoubtedly better.
My friend from Australia was talking about like what happened when they introduced five guys for the first time in Melbourne or something.
He's like, the line.
The line was insane.
He's like, it was like a four-hour wait to get a fucking hamburger.
It was just so – it went crazy there.
They loved that shit.
I don't understand that i don't understand the culture behind taking
a like behind waiting hours and hours what the fuck well that's our next topic that's the next
topic i don't believe like waiting hours and hours and hours in line for um fast food right
like i'll wait 20 minutes great but i can't stand the idea of waiting four hours
for like a burger that i could get very quickly in another state right yeah i can't imagine a food
that if i had to wait four hours for it i'd be like worth it like i can't even even like the
favorite foods like it's gonna be the most delicious steak you've ever had we went to
morton's one night like like i think me you and chiz and it was like i'm not waiting here i'm not like let's
just go somewhere else like i'm not waiting this long yeah you can get better like we didn't even
check to see how long it was dude it was so clear it was so clear like it was standing room only at
the bar we got all the way there and we were gonna go and then i was like up there like we
said ask how long the wait is and you and Chiz were already like too long leaving.
And I was like, we're going to leave before we ask.
I remember this.
And you're nailing.
This is exactly Taylor's reaction.
Taylor was like blown away.
How long the wait is.
And they're like, yeah, it's too long of a wait.
And I'm like, we don't know how long the wait is.
What if there's a booth that nobody wants?
There was a crowd of people waiting.
They were 50 people who were just
like standing there waiting to be seated and and taylor's like come on it might be a five minute
wait it's like no it's a fucking hour and a half wait clearly and then we went it takes 45 minutes
to make the souffle like like this is not a quick place i think i think kyle wanted me back over
because i was like looking forward to that steak and kyle's like taylor we'll just go back order
postmates and get high and uh play magic and i was like, Taylor, we'll just go back, order Postmates, and get high, and
play Magic. And I was like, you know what?
That does sound... We can't play Magic here.
Yeah. We can't smoke here either.
Yeah, you're right.
The maitre d's all stuck up over there
about my bong. Made me check it
at the door. Maybe I was so
stoned when we got to the restaurant, I'm like, no!
They won't have a wait! Come on!
They won't have a wait! The food's here!
There were so many people that it was stressful. I'm like, no, they won't have a wait. Come on. They won't have a wait. There were so many people that it was stressful.
I'm usually not stressed out by crowds,
but there were so many people
I was stressed out standing amongst them.
It felt like a nightclub
and not like a nice restaurant.
I was just like,
I can't be here right now.
This is too many people.
Too many people. Too many people.
Too many fucking people.
Like,
like it was,
it was more crowded than the fucking hockey stadium.
Yeah.
Let's talk about butthole.
So,
um,
staring at me right now.
So we've been talking,
following Belle Delphine's,
um,
only fans for a while.
And my complaint with her porno when it came out was I didn't get a good look at the twat.
All right.
I like a good twat shot.
And, uh, and it was like, she was hiding, she was, I didn't get a good look at the twat. I like a good twat shot. And it was like she was hiding her pussy
and I wasn't getting enough pussy.
Well, I wasn't the only one who had this complaint.
She was really getting hammered in the comments
on her OnlyFans.
And she was like, I get it.
You guys want a pussy shot.
So lately we're getting them.
And so, yeah yeah this is bell
delphine's vagina uh mostly no just keep scrolling woody i i kyle i've been up and down
i am now a subject matter expert on you're at the bottom and you're still scrolling for more
and it was not moving oh up down up down up down, Kyle. I've looked at them all. Now you can see her pussy, right?
Clearly that's it.
But we were wondering what the clip business was going on here.
We were curious.
And it is carefully obscured.
She has, if people, I think it's a tutu.
Here you go, Woody.
I'm sorry.
Here's the full vagina.
You just needed this link.
Let's look.
Well. In the link that I was. first one i saw was attractive oh i actually this this top one satisfies any questions you might have absolutely
it does is any question you want to you want to hear what our resident pussy snob, Scum, says about this vagina and ass?
Average.
He's like, that's a weird looking pussy.
I give it six out of ten.
Scum.
Scum is such a connoisseur of cunt.
No, he's gay.
He doesn't like pussy, apparently.
You haven't seen his girlfriends.
They're super fucking hot.
What's wrong with the vagina there?
What's wrong with the... He says he does not think it's a symmetrical pussy he doesn't like
the look of it and uh and i guess that one of his this man has never had sex with a normal pussy
that is retard tear take scum yeah i like you scum but that's far and away the dumbest thing
you've ever the top picture in particular makes this one look...
It's a very aesthetic pussy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's all good.
And look, no one is harder on pussy than me.
So to speak.
No, yeah.
No, literally, no one is harder on pussy than me.
Literally and figuratively.
Yeah.
And metaphorically.
Just because Kyle's eating pussy. Yeah. And metaphorically. Wow. All sorts of things, but, uh, but this is a money. I find this to be a very aesthetic
vagina. Um, and, and butthole sometimes I'll see like, like I, I like to go on God pussy,
uh, over on, um, Reddit and I'll be like, that isn't a god pussy that is a demon pussy why is he even
allowed to fucking post here that's gross all vaginas are great but my problem is that do i
need to send you pictures of not so great vaginas no i've seen i've i was joking but head on over
to the degraded holes subreddit you'll see some alarming thing is is in the initial link you sent how there is an equal
amount of photos that are specifically just her and her feet as there are her and her pussy like
she's got a cater to a wide group of people yeah i know but it's shocking that somebody's like a the photo of you with wide eyes
and your toes in the photo i think right up there photoshopped are you guys seeing that too
i feel like they photoshopped her face and made it look more childlike no she does i don't care
go for it wait that's what she does that like like like she she adds effects to make herself
and it does her makeup so that she looks as childlike as possible.
Yeah.
She knows her audience.
Right?
Like here's a picture in particular.
I think we are agreeing, though, that this is not her.
Upload failed.
Oh, shucks.
I've seen her without makeup and she's a very attractive young lady.
And I think she looks better without the makeup than like this.
I've seen her in the video.
And she's made up in the video in a big way. but at least it's video and it's not so altered there's not a deep fake
that makes her look like she's 11 she looks 11 in some even even more than the makeup is kyle
i'm attracted to her opinions and ideas you think you think you're joking she started posting
posting like diary entries and i'm just like are you kidding me can you dude you think you're joking she started posting posting like diary entries and i'm just
like are you kidding me can you dude you should just tell a story help me i didn't get the
meaning out of are you kidding me are you kidding me she's so dumb or she has everything oh no
she's not dumb she's she's a very look she's not she's not curing she's not curing cancer or
anything over here but she's not a dum-dum or anything. She's clearly one
hell of an entrepreneur. She's made more.
She's made 10 times more money than all of us
combined. 2 million a month.
It's more than that. It's like 50.
It's 50 million a month.
No, it's not.
What the fuck? It's $35
a person and there's like 1.8 million.
Someone would have corrected us by now we've been saying it for a while i don't i don't know how i i don't i don't know enough to debate
on that but i don't either i was told the only fans industry it seemed like two mil a month was
the de facto for these recent runs so she's got 35 35 just to make wait just to make you just
just so you know if it was 50 million a month that is uh what is that uh uh five uh 500 600
million a year that would put her in one of the richest categories of humans on this planet
yeah it's um not if he keeps up for a month i get these numbers however
vavity who's a smart guy told me she had 1.8 million users at 35 a month and only fans takes
20 off the top and so that works out to roughly 50 million dollars a month i i would believe you
if i had any sort of i have a hard time believing it too i've only kept repeating it because i expect there's a lot of people in the in the sex workers industry that have given me some numbers and a lot
of people in the porn industry that have talked to me what is this it says she reveals monthly
earnings if she says 50 then fuck it right all right well she all right so here's my claim right
she this article literally talks about taiga oh about Tyga. Oh, she says a million.
Okay.
She says a million.
She's hinting towards a million.
When is this?
Oh, December 22nd?
That's just that.
Yeah, look.
Because it's really important.
When we looked at this, it was the month she was doing her first porn.
So we pretended that it was a year-long run rate,
but it was really the spike of her having sex for the first time.
Well, yes, sure. I think there was definitely a spike but uh i have i have a couple close friends that own
some pretty prominent porn sites like vixen and and blacked and and whatnot and so they do all
the only fans uh content for taiga and for a bunch of rappers and specifically crossovers
with people like Bella Delphine
who now have like Pornhub videos
of them rapping
to like 20 million views, etc.
All this shit.
And so like she is breaking it in,
like crushing it.
But I just...
I know 50 million sounds absurd to me.
It's just the number I was told.
She's doing great for herself regardless,
and I wish I had a butthole like that.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
She needs a better-looking boyfriend.
That guy's...
He has a low average.
I don't know.
I don't know.
He's just looking...
Good for him.
His only fans revealed that she was responsible for the largest single withdrawal in OnlyFans history, and it was $2 million.
Yeah.
So she had a $2 million month, I guess.
This is still good stuff.
Or she let it pile up for a month or two.
Yeah, maybe that's the number that kept getting passed down the record.
Because that's what real entrepreneurs do.
They like to let their money sit in someone else's account for a while and ferment.
You do not want your money in a bank.
You want to leave it in OnlyFans and Patreon.
And PayPal.
Those are well-known financial institutions.
FDIC insured.
They lose all your money.
Guess what?
Comes right back to you.
They double up on it, actually.
That's the OnlyFans guarantee.
Hey.
OnlyFans is raking it in.
Dude, the amount of people that I see
that were at some point...
First of all, let me preface this.
If you want to sell whatever the fuck you want,
go for it.
Like, that is...
I don't care.
But the amount of people that I saw
who previously were streamers or YouTubers
that have transitioned into only fans
like only fans has made an equal opportunity employer for people that don't want to do the
day-to-day grind but also want to live in the limelight what's the day-to-day you're talking
about chatterbait people switch from chatterbait to only fans sure that and but i was really
talking about youtube and twitch but yes that also probably
applies to chatterbait or you know can we talk look i know there's there's stuff on twitch about
you gotta be nice to one another your your co-contractors so stop me if i if you can't
talk about it can you talk about the young lady who accidentally i can talk about that
she gave us a pelvic exam do you exam Do you want my opinion on what happened
And the following
I think that she did not have the
Confirm to go live feature on
That Woody didn't have
Right
Where if the start record
And start stream button are next to each other
On OBS
And there is no confirmation unless you turn it on
I fully believe that she
accidentally clicked go live instead of record her only fans where she's spreading her ass and
whatever. And that happens. I've gone live accidentally several times. It happens to
everyone. Like if you go on live stream failed, there's numerous accounts of people having sex
on stream after ending stream but that doesn't
mean that it wasn't an incredible marketing opportunity for her yes twitch's own terms of
service do dictate that your first time offense for nudity or something indecent is a three-day
ban which she got but then she got all that publicity it It was brilliant. Taylor, you have not had a single offense for nudity.
True.
You want to make your one offense fucking knock it out of the park.
Now I know you have an ex-girlfriend, but that's my fiancee joke.
She's his ex-girlfriend.
But maybe you could hire some strippers to come in and do sort of a little show on your Twitch.
Boost that revenue up,
get a three,
get three days off.
You have to hire strippers.
Yeah.
You've got to make it,
you've got to make it plausible.
Deny ability.
I'm telling you now in advance,
this happens at Taylor's house all the time.
Every night he has a stripper party in that room.
If it gets uploaded that one time.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
They dance on the Hank Hill boxing guy back there.
And yeah,
I'm trying to keep my record.
Haven't had any problems with Twitch trying to stay squeaky clean.
I'm fucking shivering over here.
I got to turn my heat up.
One sec.
Um,
it's going to say something.
Oh,
Oh,
Oh,
I think she claimed that I guess she live streams to more than one site like Twitch and then I'll call it chatterbait, but I'm not sure.
And you have to like change your profile in the menus, like file settings, change where it's going out to.
And I think she just thought she was streaming to one and actually stream to another.
I'm not sure, but I read that.
So, yeah, I mean, that makes sense.
If she thought she was streaming to just it can happen.
Like Tucker said, it's happened to she was streaming. It can happen.
Like Tucker said, it's happened to him multiple times.
It's happened to me once so far.
Yeah, I think they should be lenient with people when they make honest mistakes like that.
Like, I think that might even be in the Twitch.
Tucker knows better than I do, I guarantee.
But like, I think it's like,
if you accidentally show nudity,
like showing a video or something then but you
remove it or like move past it or something you might get a suspension but like as long like if
you sit there and dwell on it and you're like replaying a pornographic scene that you didn't
intend then it'll get you in more trouble than if you're like oh oops fuck my bad all right
correct no you nailed it and it's important to remember that twitch is a tech company that was
purchased by amazon as a tech platform and they're trying to transition into a media company so they
have people who are neck neck beard like engineers that their whole job is to streamline shit and
then you have an actual amazon hr person who's been doing h for 47 years. Yeah. Both of them are working together trying to make this platform exist.
So I've been pretty open and clear about it.
I literally don't care if they added an 18 or 21 plus section to Twitch.
Let people gape their assholes on Twitch.
I don't care because like.
I also approve this idea.
We should be able to say
any word that we want.
Well, no. I just want
gaping assholes.
But I mean, my
thought process here is that I am
never going to lose
a viewer, which is every
person's favorite
argument. Like, I can't believe I'm losing viewers.
I can't believe I started streaming viewers. I can't believe I started streaming
League of Legends with no face cam
and I've been doing it every day for three weeks
and I have gotten one viewer.
Meanwhile, hot girl goes
live on Just Chatting and people
click on her. Why is that? Because she's fucking hot.
I don't know what to tell you.
That's life.
I don't think
that it was a malicious thing. I don't think it was
a calculated thing. Woody is right right you can change your profiles to have specific websites go live
it was an earnest mistake she got to capitalize on it who the fuck is mad about this the only
thing you could be mad about is like the consistency levied uh that's hands on people and like i think she got banned while forson was banned
for showing a horse cock yeah that one's super fun because i've shown so many horse cocks and
like so you know like inadvertently just watching a clip and then all of a sudden this horse sticks
out there i don't think forson should have been banned but he's also been banned eight nine ten
times right so i think that if twitch was doing a better job of moderating their ban decisions
it would be a less like it forson would not have been banned for a month for showing a horse stick
and butthole girl would not have been banned just three days but i don't care the butthole
girl was unbanned after i don't know why you call her butthole girl we saw that woman's uterus
you're right we went we she went in there she's reaching back and just
don't see she looks like she looks like a fucking earthquake survivor trying to open an elevator
like it's it's outrageous what she's doing back there
am i like am i i sometimes i feel like i'm in the in the wrong not in the wrong in the
opposing side i have this exact conversation quite often when anytime somebody's like
are you not upset that um x streamer has as many views as you because they're wearing a low-cut shirt and i'm
like there is zero competition between me playing escape from tarkov and somebody that wants to see
somebody stand up and do a dance for their sub like that person with their dick in their hands
not like better go jack into jericho playing tetris with his inventory like no they're gonna
bounce around just chatting stream.
Second time tonight, you're hitting a little close to home, Tucker.
It's not.
Nobody who shows up to my stream so I can do African Gordon Ramsay characters is like,
I'm leaving.
I'm going to go look at pussy.
Yeah.
It's like, no.
I have had that happen.
I've been streaming, and the chat is like guys
sasha gray is live sasha gray is live and i'm like i'm like fuck sasha gray she's doing her
love connection show but i mean it's not enough money probably i don't know i don't know but i'm
angry she should be which that rich that woman's talented. That is the only really annoying thing is when
people will be like, hey, so-and-so is also
alive. That's just bad etiquette.
Fuck you. Yeah, yell at him.
Yeah.
Thanks for finding out for however long
60,000 seconds is.
By the way, I don't know.
Mitty thanks you
again for rating him the other night.
She's very appreciative of that. He's been eating apples with both hands ever since oh he's double handing those
apples these days he's making it rain who did taylor or woody who did you raid the other night
uh i think it was a tarkov stream because i think i remember seeing it was an australian
oh i think you read it right so i i was just bouncing around for streams to like farm drops I remember seeing it was an Australian. Oh, I think it was puppy. Right.
So I was just bouncing around for streams to like farm drops in and I was,
I had them up and all of a sudden I saw the chat start lighting up and I was
cracking up because like anytime I get rated,
like I have chat protections that like avoid some of the negatives that may
come from your community, but he did not.
And so I'm sitting here cracking up as he's like
clearly reading all these like old school uh uh real sweet kid comments and he's like
yeah thanks guys
like flossing over all yeah we we had him on the show like uh two weeks ago i think oh did you he
was really good yeah really good i good. I wanted him on.
I watch his stream a lot,
and I just thought he would connect with the boys.
And when they heard Tarkov streamer,
we had to win him over, but Slush Puppy did.
Yeah.
Is your community against Tarkov,
or is it the same like VR stuff?
Well, I think someone who's a specialist in something that we've already covered a lot like they're afraid that it's
going to become a episode that's just tarkov talk but you know he was interesting to talk to about
an array of subjects and right he seemed he seemed like a good person and and frankly unlike landmark
like he was willing to really engage and like get neck deep in the dirty talk or the controversial stuff whereas landmark you
know is he he was trying to protect his his ip is what was going on and you can't blame him for that
you know that's his this is his job but yeah you know our community i think didn't appreciate him
sort of almost being like a bystander on the show but i don't hold against landmark it just it
doesn't work out that well he's the smarter of us both you know yeah yeah if you think about it it's probably the case
i landmark was um reserved when he was on the show but i thought that part of the show was
really good too you know we were kind of i thought we were on yeah yeah we we held her on, as we always do.
I am trembling with coldness here.
I don't know what... I went and turned the heat...
I keep the heat really low during the day
because I don't mind it being a little chilly.
But I guess it got really cold
and my house dropped down to 62 degrees
while I was sitting here.
And I'm fucking cold.
Did you move your computer? I forgot what the other room looked like. Did you get your computer out of that room? my house dropped down to 62 degrees while i was sitting here and i'm fucking cold is it yeah did
you move your computer i i forgot what the other room looked like did you get your computer out of
that room i haven't yet it's it's like it's a hassle and i haven't i have to take everything
apart to go back to my office and it's just so easy to leave it right here and it's convenient
because like i don't know i kind of roll out of bed and i can check my emails and stuff i don't
have to walk across the house i haven't been to your new house yet,
but I have this suspicion you use 15% of it.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
The kitchen and the bedroom and the rest are just storage.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's,
um,
there's two bedrooms.
Well,
there's three bedrooms right now that are completely unused.
Like right now.
And,
I don't even use the garage cause I've got a bunch of like stuff stored in there and then like i since i've moved in here like i moved i haven't even been using my
living room so my couch is completely unused my gigantic fucking tv out there is completely unused
i gotta get my shit together and move this back to my office and have like i don't know
separate this part of my life from that from that part of my life by your sleep
sometimes when you use your bedroom for everything it's it's absolutely bad for your sleep it's
incredibly bad it's like the number one thing you need to do i did it originally because it was the
middle of summer and my central air went out and my the inside of my house was like 80 degrees and
muggy because i wasn't running the fan even like on the like central air system. So I like bought a window unit and like moved in here until I could get
the AC repaired. And then afterwards, I was just too lazy to move this hundred pound desk
and my monitor and all my lighting and tripods and all my bullshit like it back into the office.
Tucker, but I'll do it at some point point i have been admiring your video all night
long which one the one i'm looking at right now your video quality i would say is a step above
kyle's which is a step above taylor's still what are you doing why do you think it's your lighting
is are you buying like discord plus plus or like can you help us make everyone's video like yours?
Kyle,
what kind of,
what cam do you have?
I've got the Logitech,
like,
like nothing special.
I think you've got like a DSLR hooked up or something.
What do you,
what do you have?
Uh,
it's the rising camera,
but so mine's the best because it's local.
I don't even go through discord.
I have two cameras.
Right.
So you guys use webcams.
I have a DSLR camera. So you guys use webcams. I have a DSLR camera.
So I have a Sony a6300,
which is like an $1,100 camera
with like a $250 lens.
Can you say it slower?
Sony what?
Sony a6300.
Uh-huh.
And which lens exactly?
Get up.
I got it.
It's a.
It's a Sony FE 24 105 millimeter.
You adjust. So when you look at the lens, don't freak out.
It's pretty pricey.
Actually, this might not be the one that i have this i might have a different one which lens did you say i think i have i think i have an fe 24 to 70 not 105 which is the first
one that pops up yeah sony f or sony 24 hyphen 70 milliliter it's 2200 yeah not that one it's the one that's only
530 dollars uh i'll link it i'll link it yeah so this is the lens that i'm using and um i have
that plugged into a four four input mage well capture card so i can have four of these running
into my pci e i don't know and what kind of mount do you use is it on a tripod amazon basics
1995 dollar mount baby tripod yeah it's a tripod but i mean this is undoubtedly like the most like clear camera that you could possibly
not possibly get there's several like this is the two-year-old version there's a new version
of this and then there's better lenses and stuff but if you want good quality video you have to
get a dslr and then get a capture card so elgato has the 4k cam link which is the
cheapest it's like 120 you just plug it in a usb3 port and then you plug your dslr hdmi into it
but like webcams just don't get you this obviously not yeah yeah that's really good i agree with
woody yeah yeah we were just talking about tucker's video setup because it's so good and when i stream people are always i they're telling me to make your video better
i don't know what to do um i bought lighting different yeah lighting's lighting's great but
like you're like i can see on camera woody's is the best but like kyle's is hella grainy and
yours is super grainy because it's low lighting and you're using even though you have good lighting like there's there's dslr cameras
that would make that look fantastic but the webcam that you're using doesn't have the sensor
so small yeah dslr like like whatever you just open look like you open the eye of sorrow i know
i know that's that's the problem is that thing yeah so. So you're overexposed. I'm not, I'm not by any means like a good videographer. I just put my videographers.
I asked my videographer friend who does recording in low light for music festivals. I was like, what's the best low light camera? And he was like, here you go. And I was like, perfect. And he was right. So these softbox lights are at like 5%.
It's not – like it's dimmer than like going into my bathroom.
It doesn't look like it, but something about like my capture thing like dims my lighting here.
I am blinded right now.
Like you can see maybe the light reflecting in my eyes.
I can, yeah.
These are so goddamn bright.
Like you can maybe see shadows.
Yeah. It's blinding. have i have ring lights cranked up to their maximum like i can barely look at
them like it hurts to look at them ring light oh bro when you ripped bongs bro
he's hot boxing over there smoking stream yeah it. Yeah. It's just, you guys have,
you guys have like the good webcams,
which like if you,
if you're streaming,
like why do you need anything else? If you're playing Tarkov,
especially like your bit rates getting crushed,
your camera looks like ass anyways.
But for anything that I'm doing in main menu or in a mission or single
player games specifically having a good webcam,
like, it has its drawbacks.
You know, like, I got a fucking pimple, and like,
everyone can see it no matter what.
So it's just like,
it is what it is, but I do like
having super high
quality webcam if I can.
I look terrible in HD. I don't want to do that.
Yeah, like, you have
the, um, here's,
here's the thing that my friend who owns the porn company said,
he was like,
listen,
we still record our amateur porn in 10,
80,
30,
because even though every cell phone records in 4k 60,
nobody believes it's amateur porn if it's in 4k.
So you got to have that like homegrown muddiness to it,
right?
It makes you feel comfortable.
They have a tripod on an automated shaker.
That's literally what we did for that Call of Duty video that I did one time.
The guy's holding a million-dollar camera, handheld,
and he's intentionally making it shaky to be like Jeremy or Scott.
And I'm just like, dude, we're already out here.
You guys are spending half a million dollars on production.
Don't shake the camera.
I can see you shaking it.
Like,
come on.
I've seen video people do it for fight scenes. They like intentionally get bad video like that sometimes too.
Um,
yeah,
anyway.
Oh,
and what is your headset?
I've been watching you walk away and seem to hear us fine from two rooms over.
So I have two headsets.
I'm not sponsored by any headset company, by the way.
So I have these low-profile Razer, I don't know what they're called, Siren?
I don't know.
Whatever.
They're low-profile wired headsets.
These Corsair Virtuosos, they sent me.
You just plug a USB Bluetooth stick into your computer.
And so I have two floors.
Anytime I go down to get food or go to the bathroom,
like I just walk away and I can still hear you guys pretty,
I mean, virtually fine unless it's between like four walls.
I think what I'm going to do,
I'm going to buy like,
I'm not spending $4,000 on my video,
but what I will do is probably buy like
this Canon SL3 or whatever it is.
Anything with an HDMI out is fine.
You just want something that has a better sensor
and is not going to be using your usb 2.0 hub
but you do need a capture card which is the elgato 4k h whatever cam link and then that
then you're good but it will look infinitely better hmm yeah i'd like to be clear and it's
annoying as fuck yeah you might you might not have to look at the sun, I'll show.
It's so bright.
And that's a new thing.
Like, when I turn these, like...
Well, here's...
Look at this shit.
Yeah, you turn yours off, I'll turn mine off.
But, like...
This is a bright room I'm in.
It doesn't look bright.
There are three light bulbs above me., like 60-watt light bulbs.
This is under 180 watts of light.
And this is like I'm growing fucking weed in here or something.
These are like fucking grow lights.
They're so fucking bright.
I don't have any lights in my booth, right?
So the only lights I have are these LED panels,
so it's kind of fucky.
But the ISO settings that you have available to you on a DSLR,
just make it so if you want it to be brighter,
if you wanted to dim your lights,
whatever you had with your ring lights off,
at 600 ISO, it's going gonna look blown out you're gonna
be you're gonna be too bright so you like you don't need it gives you more control over the
level of lighting you need you don't need it to always be like spotlights and in like the dnz or
whatever the fuck yeah i had to do this because like i i was looking at woody's video and i'm
like oh my god i'm so dim and i't, every week I'd go up another notch
thinking like, this has got to be way too much.
And every time I'd look, I'm like, nope, still not there.
Like, I think I can go up more actually.
Yeah, it's just get a better camera,
long-term investment, infinitely better
than having to struggle with the lighting issues
of having like grainy, blown-out stuff,
but it's expensive, and that's the pain in the ass.
You look pretty right there,
but I think I'm even brighter.
I mean, you are.
This is hard to fucking deal with.
It's just that your color is warmer and crisper,
and his is more blown out.
I'm trying to like show you like a reflection.
You know, I did that same thing and they're like, Woody, why don't you just turn the front facing camera on?
Here's what happens if I look at the solid white page.
Why is it red?
I don't know.
You have your color balance fucking torched.
Your exposure is all the way up I'm gonna guess he has automated color balance on
And his room is blue
I have night mode
Oh your room is blue
Yeah my room is blue so that's probably why
I thought that you had red lights to your right
And blue to your left
And so I thought that you had like this mixed background
Nah it's just fucking dem blue
Yeah just shitty blue.
Yeah, we call it Dem blue.
I think you said Dem, like Democrat blue.
I said Dem.
I said Dem.
I thought you were making fun of like, oh, a Dem blue light.
That's funny.
No, it's a St. Louis blues light.
Anyway, you guys want to call the show?
Yep.
Yeah.
No outros?
No.
Tucker, where can they find you?
Twitter.com forward slash Jericho.
And check out my DMCA-free record label,
at Night Mode on Twitter.
By the way, I use your record label all the time when I stream.
Thank you.
Tucker.
Oh, I know we're about to wrap. I thought it was
clever to like, oh,
is the world having DCMA problems?
I have a DCMA solution.
Or is it DMCA? I might be getting it wrong.
DMCA, yeah. But I had the,
I was working on the label far before that.
I know that.
I saw the writing on the wall.
You put the word out.
And my whole stream is like, play Tucker's stuff.
I'm like, all right, play Tucker's stuff.
Hey, it's business right now.
Business.
All right.
PKA 525.