Painkiller Already - PKA 596 W/ Harley: Duckter Disrespect, Jordan Peterson Quit Twitter, The Lost FPS Footage
Episode Date: May 21, 2022...
Transcript
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Painkiller Already 596, our 1000th and one podcast here with the new undisputed painkiller already boxing champion of the world, Harley Taylor.
This episode of PKA brought to you by Lucy and Blue Chew.
And thank you, Harley, for taking a break from your difficult media regimen, being the new heavyweight champ of the Idubbbz competition.
media regimen being the new heavyweight champ of the I-Dubs
competition. Join us.
I paid
for the fight
and watched it.
You humiliated that guy.
I want to ask you a lot about it.
You embarrassed him.
Oh, go ahead. Harley's coming in very quiet.
Oh.
Hello, is that better?
I was going to say you stole from a good cause you are going to hell
your bank account they did you know they did have everything up there right away like i when the
match was done i was like what happened here i wonder if it's on youtube i searched it up i'm
like oh everything's here yeah everything's here they there on youtube yeah it was all there um yeah i really had to claw my way
to victory uh my opponent was definitely uh far more skilled and stronger and larger than i was
uh next creator clash they promised me someone smaller and who uh boxed less less so that's more
fair yeah no you know the truth is actually i fair. Yeah. No, you know, the truth is, actually, I always think about it.
I was like, you know, a part of me wishes that I could have been
in Aaron's position to be like, I don't give a fuck.
I'll fight that big dumbass.
Because I watched stuff on Game Grumps.
He was like, I'm not going to lose to fucking Harley.
And I was like, man, I wish, because I'm not.
I wish my balls were that big.
Because the difference in size would have been me fighting someone who's like 6 10 and 325 pounds so that's like the mountain yeah from
game of thrones and there's no way like i'm like i'm not gonna lose to the mountain from game of
thrones but like eric said to me and like truth is he went in there and he like came at me like a man
and he was pretty sick he was six i didn't i
don't think it like that he was humiliated at all like like i do think he would what mentally ill
no you said he was sick and i'm old there's that he has so many meetings now oh i mean
he was like sick bro like sick kickflip okay but i like that you said ill i was like mentally ill
i questioned it leading up to it i was like tripping you know
i was like yo this guy's obviously secretly been boxing for five years or he's fucking crazy
because he was literally like he was all about it he was like they told me they were like yeah
aaron no aaron wanted you like aaron aaron was down he was like seriously about it i mean his
eyes were too big for his stomach yeah okay all Okay. All that's true. Harley beat him soundly.
But you know what I think he is?
I think he's brave.
And I kind of tip the hat to that guy.
Dude, I don't want to get in the boxing ring with you.
You're ginormous.
It'd be a rough day.
The people that were really crazy there at the Creator Clash were the people that draw cartoons.
Like, as a job, they just happened to be the wildest bunch the people that draw cartoons like as a job they just happen
to be the wildest bunch of people that i've seen that makes sense when you think about it like what
are they being commissioned to draw like probably porn images that they have no interest in yeah
yeah they came in and like well actually also the craziest person that was there was michael reeves
you know michael reeves he was like uh he was in the the lightweight match
i keep doing this because like this is where he is like when i met him um but like he was like
like at one point i was walking behind him and he was like walking somewhere
and i was with like my cousin i was like yo michael he's fucking bigger than us right now
just look at him he was like walking like just such a serious walk. And he was like a little guy, you know, like me and him.
Like we look like we're part of a sick RP, a sick balanced RPG party.
And he's like walking.
And I'm like, I like went up to him and I was like, yeah, there is.
I was like, are you like nervous about your fight at all?
And he was like, no, I'm like, what are you going to do?
He's like, what do you mean?
I'm going to go in there.
I'm going to beat his ass.
And I was like, okay, what if you go in there and lose he's like then i'll go home and beat the shit out of my dad and i was like i like this guy you know who's rooting for him
the hardest his dad yeah yeah exactly he was shook he's beat that guy up michael you know
whenever i did boxing i did, you hit the pads,
and then you spar, and you're, like, sparring.
There's nothing like hitting the pads.
And it's not like I clawed my way to a victory,
but going into the ring and fighting is completely different also.
I didn't expect it to do to my nerves what it did.
And, like, when I went back, like, I won't, like, say who,
but, like, some people were crying.
People that, like, won their match were, like, crying in the locker room. Like, just they were crying. People that like won their match were like crying in the locker room.
Like just, they were overwhelmed.
It was like just crazy.
Cause I'm like them, like, you know,
like you do stuff on stage a lot or you perform in front of people or
whatever it is,
but going out and punching and getting punched and having another guy's
blood on you, I guess when you're not a combat sports fan,
like he was like shook.
You know, we had people lying in the back with like oxygen and stuff like that um and you know what i didn't i didn't pay the
ultimate boxing price of like knowing what it's like to go five rounds and like really fight for
it and some of those guys did like ab and hundar like they had like their fight was like crazy i
dubs this fight was really crazy too.
That guy Idubbbz fought, I didn't know anything about Dr. Mike.
Yeah, because you're not like a hot girl.
Yeah, I'm not a hot girl.
Hot girls, that's his demo, hot girls.
That dude's ripped.
He's fit.
He's a doctor, so he's smart.
He's the guy that does all the sports injury videos, right, Dr. Mike?
I think I've seen him a lot.
He touched gloves with Idubbbz and then popped him right away yeah i saw
that i actually really liked that a lot i thought that was really cool people were like mad about
that i'm like that's great i feel like he taught him a lesson there yeah i'm like don't worry about
eye dubs that's the one thing you shouldn't do is worry about eye dubs like i've never seen a guy
like run this whole business, this whole event,
do this whole thing,
train for the fight for doc with Dr.
Mike,
who who's been boxing longer and keep his composure and cool through all of
it.
Like he really was,
um,
he was just sick.
And like Anissa was sick.
They were like two of the best people I've ever done any sort of business
with business,
any sort of collaborative thing with whatever you know
what i mean seems like it was just like doing more yeah he should i feel like he should do more
um i mean i don't know what i'm gonna do i got offered money to box someone else
do it as long as it's not the mountain leak it i don't know like you like
i don't know i don't know I guess I can
That'd be sick
The doc answered but let me be honest with you guys
Here on PKA
I'll be honest with my boys here
I strategically chose someone
Who was high up on the ladder
That I really felt in my heart
Would not respond
And if he's not available Mike Tyson Tyson, I'm looking at you.
I'm coming for you, Hunter Biden.
Doc was just kind of like...
I'm going to go with Muhammad Ali.
Doc was kind of like, what?
Never.
Come on.
Why would I?
But funnier than that.
Yeah, it was great, though.
He would be a hard day in the ring.
Doctor, more like doctor people were like oh no way you're so much bigger i'm like he's six eight so that means he's
automatically like and if he's as lean as he always looks like he's automatically like 230
he's got to be he played i think he played basketball is penn state
problem that's a huge problem oh he played d1 basketball he's an athlete he's gonna fuck you
yeah yeah yeah for sure even you know austin mcbroom he was a d1 athlete and he fucked up
bryce hall in their boxing match but i saw that coming also it's like you can't compete with like
a d1 athlete in any sport and then come in and be like
well i'm gonna learn how to punch this month
yeah exactly it's not even like uh i smoked a cigar with sam i'm good
the uh it's not even like i could hide behind the jab with doc he's six eight like he's just
yeah i didn't notice that.
Full disclosure, though, I'll fuck him up.
Full disclosure,
if he's watching, I'll fuck you up, bro.
He played D2 basketball.
Dude, boxing's scary as fuck.
Fighting's scary as fuck. I don't know how many of our listeners
have actually been in a fight.
Even the high school fight where you knew it was coming
five hours in advance and the guy was going to be
fucking waiting for you at the
bike rack. It's worse.
This is the same thing, except that it's
two months long. It's two months worth of
training, knowing that that fuck is
training too. He wants to win just
like you do. You're in the gym
nervous and anxious and getting
ready for this thing, knowing that he
is also in this same position, getting
ready for you.
And it, it just,
it looms over you.
It hangs over you.
It's got to get,
there's a real bravery that goes into this.
And I sort of tip my hat to anyone who's done it.
Except Diego Sanchez,
who's the people that do it,
the people that do it for a job.
Also,
like,
I'm just like,
it's your livelihood and someone's trying to take it.
And you go in there with like that much more savagery than YouTubers do, or're like it's for a good cause or i'm getting a bag like boxers go
in there and they're like this is my way out so two guys fighting with with that as their motivation
is really crazy to me and like yeah i i didn't even scratch the surface i want to jump in there's
a um um taylor help. A hockey enforcer.
I think he played for the Canadians, maybe the Habs.
Who the fuck knows?
And there was a movie done on him.
I'll know his name if you tell it to me.
Oh, I don't know.
You don't know?
Oh, anyway, there was a documentary done on him, and he talked about what it's like.
He's like, I'm an enforcer.
That team has an enforcer who's worthy of me.
it's like he's like i'm an enforcer that team has an enforcer who's worthy of me there's going to be whatever 25 000 people there tonight expecting us to face off and he's like i get the same vibes
the same butterflies that you did in 10th grade when you knew that you were going to have to face
off against some guy like it's like it it messes with your head and it happens so much it impacts your mental state it was like fuck really i thought this was as casual for you as a 1040 was for me in my accounting
days like i i thought this was no big deal apparently even if you're a real fighter fights
are scary yeah and it does seem like based on just the nhl guys like there are the guys i interview
where it's like it's horrifying
every night you go out there and i'm fighting for my job and then there's like ryan reeves
who's like i love my job i have the best job on earth i love beating people to death on the ice
because he doesn't he's never lost a fight he doesn't i would like to see him i don't think
he gets nervous post career he's eaten so few shots to the head frankly like he he was the
first nhl player to go in the NHL and be like,
I'm an enforcer.
I also am an amateur boxer in the offseason.
And he brought that to the NHL.
Yeah, no, I would like to see him post-career when he can tell his truth.
I'm not saying about CTE.
I'm saying maybe he's like, you know what?
That whole time when I said I was never scared,
I wanted my opponents to think that.
That's a possibility, or it could just be reality it's good tactics yeah yeah so speaking of tactics
harley i want to dig into what the experience of training with sam was like there were sparse few
videos i watched the ones you uploaded those were hilarious how did it compare to what your
expectations were um i have more content on that coming out just the guy
that we were filming with went with us to uh film at the event and everything um so there's a whole
other episode with sam coming out because i got i actually get sick and then we go back into it
um and that that helped so much like it helped a lot it uh made me like when I went back to my coach after to work on some,
maybe specific strategy for the match.
Cause Sam,
Sam touched on so much.
He like sat down.
He was like,
let me tell you every single thing about boxing from beginning to end.
Like,
and he told me like a billion things and we kept going through it.
So when I went back to my,
my coach,
like we were able to zero in on things that
would be good for me in the match um without um like but i without the like being me being hindered
by my endurance limitations because like fighting sam for hours just was crazy for my endurance
because boxing with like no finish line or doing any training with no finish line is crazy for
endurance because you never know when you're going to be done so you give it your all and
then you keep going um and he never wanted to like go home he was always like let's do one more round
one more round and it's like past midnight it's like night it's dark it's like one more round
he's always down i'm like last round i gotta go i have like you know
i have to sleep and become a person and then he's like okay footwork for a couple rounds then then
you go like it was never question about same height so i've seen him box and he's always like
wildly outmatched in the times that i've seen him does it seem like he's using a lot less energy
than you that like you're working hard, dancing
around and he's just
I don't know, casually existing in there?
Yeah, well when I
went to him, that's what he said he was going to help me with.
He was like, oh yeah, I'll show you how to use energy strategically
and not just like
you know, adrenaline dump
everything as soon as you get in the ring.
But also like there's a big part of boxing and i always
i'm gonna say things like that whenever i say things like that i'm not trying to sound like
a guy that knows things about boxing i know enough to know that like aren't you undefeated
yeah i mean as far as we know you can't be defeated that's true now that's true boy uh and i win every round by uh tko
but he had uh like he was um i'll be honest with you guys i got high for the first time
in a long time oh like i i when you were saying all that stuff fighting scary i stopped getting
high because of that yeah because like i would get high and then i was like
my walk-on music's gay
oh my god you should have never i gotta believe you're somewhere so fine the game grumps are
gonna punch me oh my god when i pick it's raining like shit what if i shit in the ring i'm gonna
shit in the ring i would do that oh my god God. I was panicking about the wrong things.
I stopped blazing because of that.
So then I didn't do all this blazing,
and I got high like two days ago and yesterday and today,
and I've kind of been like it's like me high,
the me that I normally am for like the last like 10 years so that me
comes back and i'm like what the fuck did i do because it's like you know you think like you
got high and you blacked out but instead like hi me had sober me take control and i was like we're
gonna do a boxing match we're going to train with sam hyde and i did all this mind-blowing weird
trippy shit and i got high again i was like i can't believe i did that stuff i went to rhode island and i got sick in the hotel
and i trained with sam and then i why would i call a doctor disrespect am i crazy like i said
something to you zach in your uh in your discord if you could put it in there i don't know if you
could share the image or whatever but i i saw, like I was really high and I saw this thumbnail and I was like,
if you showed that to me eight months ago,
I would think that's a variant of me from another timeline.
I'm like,
Oh,
wrong universe.
That's I'm not that Harley.
I don't know who that is.
I don't know what he's doing.
Look at that.
That's crazy.
The vascularity.
Get,
get some Harley.
Yeah, bro.
Get me on trend, Kyle.
Get me on trend so I can fuck men.
I mean, I'm pretty sure you can fuck men.
Now you're strong enough to fuck a man.
Yeah, that's whoever's on the bus.
I mean, you could absolutely get on some sort of replacement dose of something if you wanted to.
I want a booth. I don't you wanted to. I want a booth.
I don't want to replace.
I want a maximization.
Replace so that you can get back to the levels you were when you were 18.
Okay.
Or the levels that you would have been at 18 if you were like a super Viking man.
Yes, yes.
Not your levels at 18.
The best levels that any 18-year-old has had thus far in human history.
Yeah, yeah yeah you basically
become a space marine it's great something like i going back to the video watching like i watched
sam's video of you guys and i watched yours and i'm excited that you have more coming out
like something i thought was neat because i've been a fan of sam and his content for a long time
is you never get like a full real view of him in his videos by design it's for humor's sake of course the videos
you guys did together with like the fixation on the boxing I feel like that was the most real
version of Sam I've ever seen on a video like he was sincerely and genuinely like you know Harley
you're gonna want to do this do that don't do this try that like it was just a different version of him that i'd never seen it was really interesting
yeah yeah me too uh at least for a prolonged period of time maybe you get like a glimpse
or a moment or he says something or he gives a piece of like information or on his podcast he'll
like talk at length about some interesting things, you know, like hustle culture or whatever.
But then like this was like really different.
I think this was like the most I don't know.
It was like hanging out with him.
Like, I think that's what his people would get.
And I take it.
He's not casual about his approach to his content.
Like a lot of YouTubers are.
I saw him eat a burger once in his car and review something,
and he was making fun of how YouTubers do that or whatever.
And in my head, I was watching.
I was like, damn, if he only knew how badly people would love to see Sam Hyde go
and eat a burger in a car and talk about it.
It doesn't always have to be a thing.
I was just like, they love him.
Those videos, I know exactly the ones you're talking about it's like he signed up for every
single loot crate for one month and then is going like 110 miles an hour in his truck down the
highway opening them and breaking everything that that came in the box like look at this
this isn't crap this isn't trash and it's like he's flying down the highway it's like i like what what i'm most impressed by by
someone like sam hyde is his whack pack that he's attracted that that group of guys that are like
there in the background like it's difficult to pull that group together okay that's because i
feel like it's a special group you know there's like the the five foot five guy with the really hairy belly
shooting an ak and jiggling everywhere and it's like you know what i bet he's a great video editor
though he's probably got some hidden talent there so i i've i've uh had people like that around me
maybe a couple my good buddy amir who cooks on epic mealtime um and my buddy let me know
who was on epic mealtime they're my buddy let me know who was on epic mealtime they're both
of the same sort that you're talking about and i like to call these unique items or legendary items
like if you're not a high enough level you won't be able to wield their company
no no no you might think those are npcs those are those are the the companions those are your
companions yeah yeah like it's but like if you think of, like, not that they are an item,
but, like, if you're not a high enough level to be in the presence of this weapon,
you might be like, that weapon sucks.
And it's like, no, if you have a boost in this in particular,
it's a weird weapon, but it could, in the right situations,
it's going to be insane.
And, like, yeah, like, you know, Big flame jet neptune like these guys that i met
like these guys these guys that i met like i'm like wait wait wait wait is his name jet jet
neptune yeah okay but i went and i i like got in the car with my buddy brian who was there filming
and i was like can you believe that sam has lemmy knows and like let me know is my buddy and like when you think about it and let me know in many ways
there's a lot like a jet neptune and like these are like these are like they're like similar i
like that it's just like you're lucky if you ever got to meet this person and got to know them and
hang out with them um and when they came down to the fight i was really really excited about that
because uh i hung out with those dudes a whole bunch at the office.
Oh, they actually were able to go?
That's nice.
Oh, we lost your audio.
You lost your audio.
Did you? Is it back?
Yeah, it's back now.
Yeah.
Okay, so relax then.
I was worried about you having no audio on a podcast.
No, now he's frozen frozen so it might be gone
he froze he froze so well though crazy yeah there i'm back now for a second i thought he was
fucking with me you would think that that i'm just fucking around who is uh you said jet neptune
who's the guy like the young like early 20s looking white guy
who just inexplicably has like a full gold grill?
Like top and bottom.
I feel like that's a couple of them.
Jet Neptune's like the bald one.
He's got a shaved head.
I think he has a grill.
And he wears like, what's that company name? Like Sniper Gang? Sniper Gang pants, I think he has a grill and he wears like a, what's,
what's that company name?
Like,
yeah.
Sniper gang,
sniper gang pants,
which is just like a crazy,
crazy article of clothing to wear.
It's like Kodak blacks, like clothing line.
Anyways,
just thing that stands out to me.
Big flame has that huge ass long hair.
The big,
this is what I'm thinking of.
Jet Neptune.
Yeah.
Okay.
Were you,
at what point were
you finally comfortable being around sam and being glad that you were there and knowing that
it wasn't all an elaborate prank on you from sam never yeah like there had to be
because like in your head you've got to be like you know this stuff he's teaching me
it makes sense but what if he's like teaching me how to lose like what if he's making it so i
under the table deal with a game grump you know or maybe it's all an elaborate joke of some he did
uh like really early on he like i saw things or he showed me things and he's like yeah don't put that
in and so instantly i'm like okay well i fully filmed that he's not like taking my footage and
deleting it or he was just like you know don't put that in and i was like oh look at that sam
hyde trusting a jewish man the ultimate like every content creator has a mask for their audience yeah but um i think uh what's really crazy about him um so funny just talking about him
is that like like i think about this like his audience is so like like it's weird to say because i've watched his stuff
way before this i watched sam high you watched sam high but like he has like a like a group of people
that like are just like that like and no disrespect to you guys. Like, they're fucking weird, bro. Like, they're weird.
And it's not like I.
Why am I disrespected in this?
It's like, listen, it's like the audience is like.
I like The Rock.
I like The Rock.
I liked him in wrestling.
I like him in his movies.
I like him when he's just working out and when he shows us shows us the pancake he eats and shit but when the rock does something i don't like lose my shit over it
like when the rock does a thing i'm not in his comment section like that's the rock
you smell what the rock is cooking that's it that's the man going over to, like, Kevin Hart's page and be like,
yo, you bitch, your movie's only popped off because The Rock was in it.
You better recognize that.
You better give huge shout-outs to The Rock because he ever did anything
with you and you're lucky.
Rock probably doesn't even like you.
That's, like, stuff I get from, like, Sam fans.
And I'm like, bro, can you relax?
Like, you want to, like, you're, like, too much about Sam much about sam and like i won't say that like i
like you know i love star wars you know harley just sharing our dms in public
i'm a fanatic about things look at the things i'm a fanatic about but like being a fanatic about
another man is interesting it's fascinating to me and the fact that he's got like so many dudes that are like they brigade for him
so hard even in ways when he's not asking or telling or anything and sometimes i'm just like
i feel like they need to relax a bit like sometimes they're like i feel like that's a bad
i'm not speaking for him or anything and like i've never mentioned this to him but like
in my head sometimes i'm kind of like i feel like his audience are a bit of a bad look for him like he's good at what he says and he's funny at what he says and then they try and
do his funniness but it comes off like fucking weird and he's got like so many of his fans
trying to be funny like him and it's like it's not land imagine you invited a dude to a party
and he came to the party but then like he came with 40 dudes that were kind of also like him,
wanting to be like him, but really bad versions of him.
And they were doing his thing.
And you're like, well, I don't know.
I want you, but I don't want all these guys.
Sometimes I worry about those guys.
Sure.
What were some of the messages you were getting?
What were they mad at you for?
Well, I thought it was funny that I would get
after the match,
people were like, Sam won that match for you.
Why didn't you suck his dick in the ring, you fucking Jew?
I was like,
I didn't thank
either. I didn't thank my other
coach.
I will suck his dick, and then we'll see.
Then we'll see how you feel.
You'll be jealous.
It's not you.
Yeah.
They were just like, it was just funny.
Like, I don't know.
They just get amped up.
They're just like amped up.
And, you know, I mean, I put a video up with him and it got like crazy views on my channel compared to the previous videos.
So I know like for Sam, that's a good thing.
Like, you know, his audience for that's a good thing like you know his
audience for him is a good thing i was just like can't they be chill about it i'm like imagine like
when like instead of saying like you know he's like a mass shooter when people are like yo like
because sometimes people like who's sam and they're like he's a mass shooter what if they're
like yo who's sam and someone was like someone who gave me? And they're like, he's a mad shooter. What if they're like, yo, who's Sam?
And someone was like, someone who gave me a chance at life.
Like, why not do his bit thing but positive?
Why spin it like he's like, you know?
I feel like he doesn't need any more bad press.
And it's usually his own fans that, like, feed into the bad press of it all.
No joke.
When the Buffalo shooter thing happened, I Googled it.
And I found Sam Hyde. They always do that. Every bad shooting. no joke why don't you shoot a thing happen i googled it and i found same hide yeah they always
do that every bad shooting um but no this one was far more um deep actually which i just heard today
um which was i thought extremely fucked up and um yeah and it's made i don't know how i didn't
speak to him about it i i don't even like it's like just a weird thing but that that shooter mentioned him oh i didn't know that the shooter has like a
like a manifesto yes a 180 page one and he said this is me and it had two pictures of him
so like it was like a direct reference and i don't know he tried he tried to do the meme in his manifesto he did it
oh no oh really that's fucked up yeah see i think that's like a super really fucked up thing
yeah um but that's not sam hyde's fault obviously that's not shooting people it's not but like just
that like the meme is so like his meme is attached to negative shit like this.
Imagine if it just wasn't.
Imagine if the meme was positive,
just to flip it on its head.
You know what I mean?
If it was like, yeah, this guy.
This guy, yeah.
Who's Sam Hyde?
He's a guy, actually, that gave me two Ethereum in 2016.
He gave me two Ethereum.
Just something good instead of saying bad things about it
or that he's responsible for for bad things yeah yeah let's do let's get some more wholesome sam stuff out there
yeah exactly meanness too much meanness online nowadays some guy was at the boxing event and
he was like yo you're this guy you trained with sam hot i was like yeah he's like he's in my dms telling me he'll pay me 10k if i go to rhode island and box him
and i was like that's wild bro are you gonna do it he's like i don't think so
i'm like he's a cool guy he's like i don't know man he's really saying some fucked up
shit about me right now i'm like nah nah he's doing a bit yeah he's he's memeing on you he's
doing a bit dude what i liked about your actual fighting when I watched it was like,
you had this like old gentleman style of like standing erect.
And you clearly took Sam's message of like, don't let that keep.
Keep that fucker at range.
Like exhaust him with your long ass arms.
And you just did that like consistently.
Yeah.
Every so often you
could see him getting tired like in the second round much much better than the first round
yeah the first round i was goofing around a bit i don't know i was just lost train of thought and
then my coach was just like yeah like the same thing same thing sam said like you know it's i
actually got a couple messages from people being like just jab him i was never meant to uppercut i
was never going to uppercut um I was never going to uppercut.
But he did things that just by instinct, you throw an uppercut.
I'm not good at uppercuts.
I never went in this with haymakers and uppercuts.
I'm going to knock someone out.
I'm like, I'll just jab.
I learned how to jab for literally the five rounds.
I could have done that the whole time.
If I really got tired, I actually could switch to southpaw
and jab with that hand.
Like I was never going to not jab.
What made you want to uppercut?
What did you see?
I think someone told Aaron, maybe his coach, was like go in there and fuck his stomach up.
Because when I watched the video back, I'm like, wow, how did I not notice that?
There's times where he's in there and he's like, he'll like punch me once or something.
And I'm like standing there and I'm like, I like uppercut because i don't have any other angle um yeah so close yeah and then uh just the getting offered to box again i didn't
fully get it can you answer again what made you want to uppercut what did what look did he give
you that made you no he ducked he ducked he like goes in and like goes down and he's like you know
punching your stomach
And you're like me you're standing
So you're like the only thing you could do
Is punch from under
It's the only thing I could do
Okay
Can you hammer strike in boxing?
Oh yeah
Sam's downer cut
No sometimes gloves even have
A white front that you
have to hit with that part oh okay i don't know conor mcgregor was actually getting some i i
remember him doing some like hammer strikes on uh um who's remember when he did the boxing match
with floyd yeah yeah he was doing some like on the back of floyd's head and stuff but he kept
doing it it's great no i really enjoyed watching your match um i didn't know what it was gonna be
uh i sent you that text message like three in the morning i was i was in the gym and i
i was i was watching it a second time i was like harley fucked that guy up that guy i hope i hope
everybody got paid well because that guy got took a took a bit of a beating that night it was it was
fun to watch you did a great job but the best part of it all um was the call out at the end like
like where like regardless of if dr disrespect
has any interest in doing some silly boxing thing like you looked cool and uh you looked um uh you
gave him his props which which made you look even cooler and it was a perfect perfect like post fight
uh grab the mic and get rowdy kind of thing you were respectful and at the same time you're entertaining and fun it's great loved it yeah it's a good fight you could see by the end of it like you were
one million percent in control of it and you could see you like deciding to not go as hard
as you could have oh there's two times where i watched it back and i saw and i was like oh i
stopped right there like for no other reason than i just
stopped because i was like his hands were down and i literally there was like two instances where i
was like oh i can't i don't want to like fuck him i weigh so much more and i i do feel like i trained
harder so i'm like oh i don't want to do that and i thought it twice but i took a couple like of his
punches on the side of the head or on the back and and I was like, I'm not a good enough boxer to be able to play this game.
So at the end, you'll see I hit him with this ugly-ass, weak-ass rock'em sock'em.
I'm just like, but, but, but, but.
It's just like I was just showing the ref like every one of these are a punch,
and each one could be hard, but none of them are hard,
but they're all here and he's still
turtled i was like it's like 12 shots in a row please stop this i'm sick i'm sick there's blood
i'm gonna throw up there's blood here i'm sick i'm not i'm not a combat sports guy i know that
like i know that's another thing why like the you know the boxing match i i passed on and it was
like pretty good money uh i was just like paid double that and then thing why like the, you know, the, the boxing match I, I passed on and it was like pretty good money.
Uh, I was just like paid double that.
And then, yes, but like for the most part, like it would have to be an incentive, like very high because I don't want to, like, I didn't like boxing.
I didn't want, I mean, I love boxing.
Boxing was sick, but like punching a guy and seeing him bleed was not like I did.
That didn't get me all bricked up, you know?
Yeah.
Not even a little bit. You didn't get me all bricked up you know yeah like not even a little bit you
didn't get a little little no like my dick got smaller and i can't afford it to get smaller
trust me my body's so big like anything smaller looks weird it already looks weird um but like
so i'm there and there's blood and i'm like i don't know about this why am i here
why am i i'm like why are you here i should have gotten
high before i agreed to this and i would have shut it down i can't believe i got high and i
was literally like bad tripping i was like what did i do this was all so weird why would i say
doctor disrespect i'm like what's happening but i thought about it i did think about it if i did do another boxing match if i did get
like like on a big card for a boxing match i'm going to train with dr disrespect
does he know how to box what do you mean the last guy i trained with didn't know how to box
but he made it work sam made it. I got there and he put me,
he learned how to be a boxing coach.
This argument isn't holding up at all.
No, Sam, in the video, Sam,
Sam doesn't, he never boxed before.
He's not a boxing coach.
He loves boxing.
He hits his punching bags.
He goes to the gym and he hits the bags.
He loves punching. He loves combat. He watches, he the bags he loves punching he loves combat he watches
he learns he's always learning but sam never boxed and sam is not a boxing coach he seemed
comfortable hitting exactly bro that's it but there's a comfort that comes with experience
that he seemed to have in spite of not being that experience it sounds like
yeah sam you know i asked him straight up i was like did you ever box he's like no it's like the first episode i was like you never boxed eh
and he's like no and i kind of knew that anyways but he's still like i mean like you you could
still like he didn't when i was going down there people like but does he know how to coach i was
like it doesn't matter he's gonna be a big ass dude with boxing gloves on and he's gonna want to box me like what like it does that anyone's
gonna learn from that more than anything like it's kind of like like just throwing yourself
in there you know like you like sure you like throw your dog in the pool he's never swam before
taking lessons but like he's gonna fucking pull it together when he's in the middle of the pool
and you know i was in the middle of the pool there with him it's a good comparison yeah you got thrown in the pool
and you had to sink over and over again you started swimming yeah so now it's like if i have a boxing
match coming up chances are sam is also uh probably gonna be on a card you know not against me or
anything but he's gonna be in a boxing match i'm pretty sure something is happening that i've heard of that is almost okay yeah i don't know if i'm speaking out
of my place right now but anyways um no zach not that um much more threatening opponent than him
um but he uh can i was like he's gonna be busy he's gonna be doing his thing so i'll go train
with the doc that's a that's a division one athlete.
I haven't even cleared it with the doc yet.
And I don't know if I'm going to be able to amass the $100 million check.
It would require to hire him for a week of training.
You need a 10th of a billion.
Like you could buy Twitter or you can go train with the doc for a week.
I like, so I'm just like division one athlete what do you
mean he's gonna help me with my footwork he's gonna like make me fucking you know i'm making
it up in my head but like i mean sam did it i got there sam was boxing me in a parking lot
you know now i just like imagine doctor disrespect maybe he's got me in like the fucking
in the stadium like with like rope ladders like spread out on the ground and got some foot drills for me
or something like that. Doing all the stair climbing shit.
Yeah, exactly.
Maybe I'm like
maybe he's
just cruising with his Lambo
like 50 kilometers an hour
and I'm jogging behind him.
That's funny. I know it was a heavyweight
but did you get any
body recomposition out of the training?
Put a lot of heart and soul
into it. Yeah, I lost
like 35 pounds.
Good God. Very nice.
I'm definitely
different now. I'm still a fat me,
but I'm... Not as fat.
Not as fat as I was.
No, that's for sure. But I'm also
stronger and I have better cardio
than i did when i was at my best like i'm like 270 now and my best was probably like 235
like a couple years back when i was obsessed with weight training and stuff but when i was 235 i
wasn't strong or like i couldn't run long distance.
I was just going to the gym and just lifting weights.
I just stood there and lifted weights.
And then I went on Tinder.
There was no function to it.
There was nothing to do.
I didn't do anything.
But now with boxing, it's different.
You guys should box.
I'm calling out Finster right now.
I will.
I'm not really calling.
Actually, that'd be too embarrassing.
What if he's just like lightning hands?
Oh, no, he's not short.
I need a shorter guy.
Let's be real.
Let's put together the card.
We should do that.
Who's that girl with Tourette's?
The PKA card.
Kyle wouldn't get in the ring with anyone?
Kyle wouldn't get in the ring with anyone?
No one?
Well, he tried to put PKA.
If you put together a PKA card and, like, Boogie and Wings boxed on it,
on the undercard, and, like, Kyle was main event, like, come on.
What do you mean?
I mean, Boogie andogie and wings that would be a
good match everyone that would that would that would take over all of social media everyone
would be chatting about that that would be memeable forever yes I take wings in that matchup
for for sure I think wings wings is Kyle's age so like 35, 36. I think Boogie's like in his mid-late 40s.
And also, Boogie's heavier.
So I think this would be Wings to lose if they matched up.
I hear you, and that's not a bad thought process.
I think it's – I almost think it's courage-based.
Like which one is willing to –
Who complains also in the match and wants to just escape it.
I was watching harley fight
and he kept his eyes open the whole fight like like you look like a fighter in there you know
there there were you're you're not you're you're right for pointing that out because i hate pointing
things on boxing because i don't know shit about boxing but that took a long time for me
to do what you're saying that was a big big issue. And at the very beginning, after I punched Aaron once or twice,
I fainted.
And he closed his eyes and turned his head.
And instantly I was like, oh, no.
As you do.
I was like, he's like a month and a half or two months behind me in training.
Yeah.
Because like two months ago, that's how close we were.
Two months ago I did that.
And like my coach would do that
and like then he'd slap me in the face yeah like we would do that he would like go to do that and
i would do that you know even like when i came back from training with sam like yeah i would
do this you flinch and and it's so crazy you pointed out because i don't know if you noticed
nobody used feints the entire time at the greater clash except me.
No one used them.
And I was, like, shocked because I thought, like, if you go home and you think about boxing, you're like, well, I can punch with my left hand.
While you tell the story, a feint for the listeners is when you kind of, like, you know, half punch, like pretend you're going to punch.
And it gives you a vibe as to what the reaction is going to be, right?
So if I were to really throw a jab, know he's gonna go like that but i can go like
that and get a tell be like aha yeah this is his reaction to my faint now i know what to actually
do uh if i throw a real one and that's kind of like that's kind of like half of boxing well for
only me at my level like what i've done which, which is nothing at all. But like I was like, I could either punch with my left, I could punch with my right, or I can pretend to punch with either of those.
You really don't have anything else.
So I was like, you know, I didn't expect people to do like, you know, sidesteps or like things like that.
People went in and people punched and people held their fists up and they tried to pick their punches.
But no one really like faked
it no one really did the faint moves and i was like uh so surprised as every match went on
you know and then i think maybe they know because like when i fainted on aaron um i watched the
fight back he started to faint back at me which i was like oh so maybe he wasn't thinking about
it before you know you're training him. Yeah. We, it was,
I didn't, I didn't step up to him a couple of times.
I thought his arms were down.
Like his arms were like here.
And I was at a distance where I was like,
Oh,
I could reach and punch you in the face right now.
And I'm like,
waited for his hands to go up.
And then we went at it again.
I really,
and you know what?
That could have all backfired.
Cause Aaron,
he doesn't punch like he's
not like his punches aren't a lost cause you know like i got hit on the side of the head and i was
like oh if that got me like across the nose like i broke my nose and then tomorrow sucks because why
because why right yeah he's dangerous boxing thing you're dangerous harley you look like a
fighter to me like that you were fainting your eyes were open your posture was right and i'll be like that's always my fear like they're gonna go in there and they're gonna be
like i saw woody fight and i've compared him to floyd mayweather and fuck and i'm like all right
well you're right kind of but you're watching you know like but i was looking at you and i'm like
this guy he has courage his eyes are open he's using feints he's managing his
energy like that's what I saw when I watched
you fight and I was like fuck Harley's a problem
I don't want to see me
please don't hit me I don't want to turn of the century
style I liked
that
yeah put up your dukes
yeah
because the big spear isn't losing right
it's embarrassing it's being seen with your shirt off
yeah yes that was a big deal to to aaron and i actually the the shirt on thing dude and ironically
that would be one of my main things i'd be like well yeah i'd probably get my ass beat but i'm
gonna get my ass beat fat pka does the first ever shirts and skins match
why did i have to be skins
this is just bullshit this is trash
triple lights our heart shirt for no reason yeah no harley you were anything but embarrassing
like exactly like you did
exactly yeah you did great great thank you i was worried that's what i was getting at yeah you
represented yourself really well um from beginning to end there was nothing about what again my fear
would be embarrassment it's like because i'm a fan of combat sports i've seen so many walkouts
it's important to me as a fan that you don't stumble on the way out or anything
also everyone's fear or that you don't look scared like like like they start that camera
back like an inch out of their dressing room you got to get your game face on before you even open
the fucking door you gotta be mean mugging ready there's a million people looking at you through
that fucking lens like like weighing and measuring you. And then their fandom is dependent upon like how hard they think you look.
Maybe.
I know when I see somebody come out and they look like a bitch,
I'm like,
I am.
That guy looks scared.
Like,
like he,
he's,
he looks so scared.
They're like,
well,
it's little Mikey's first time ever.
Have you heard the stories of GSP?
Um,
remind me.
Uh,
so GSP,
George St.
Pierre, for people who don't know,
was one of the greatest UFC fighters ever.
He fought at 170.
And he'd be in the back room.
I wish I could do his French-Canadian accent.
Oh, it's so good.
He's like, I don't know why I do this.
It's so scary.
It's dangerous.
I really don't even want to fight right now.
I'm not mad
at him at all he's fine could we just agree not to it's like dude you are the baddest
motherfucker at 170 who has ever walked this planet and you know he's scared and he's got
a formidable opponent he was champion it seemed like for most of his career. So everyone he fought was very good.
It's scary. It's so scary. I got some UPS package delivered earlier. They're kind of expensive. It's gym equipment. But I didn't want to take them in, so I'm leaving them on the couch three hours before the show. I heard some rustling outside. In my head, in my half-dream state,
there were porch bandits rifling through my cup.
I got up with the intention of fighting.
I ran to the door and whipped it up.
I'm like, it's time to fight for my gear.
It's the wind, of course.
I'm in that doorway like you're all trend up
i already like ripped my clothing off like like there was nobody there but i was so scared i was
so scared i can't imagine like like the build-up would be the worst part to me because i think i'd
i'd get a fucking ulcer um like when something is like gonna happen now i can maybe compartmentalize that a little bit
not great i have panic attacks but when something is months away like when i had that trial and
all that legal shit like looming when it's looming it is you can't get rid of it it's like being wet
and not being able to get dry you're just it's
just always there on you it's just always like in the back of your mind a little cold wet damp
bullshit that you can't really wrap your hands around that's how a fight coming up i think would
feel to me and like like your point of like you're in the gym working out you think like he is too
i would be so obsessive if i had an opponent like like i would be so likely to be like you're in the gym working out you think like he is too i would be so obsessive if i had
an opponent like like i would be so likely to be like you know we we're gonna have to go to two
a days like like there's no way and i feel like by the end we'd be like he might be doing two a
days he could be there's no way he's doing three we do this can we make it so that my opponent
doesn't know he's my opponent until the day before the fight?
Yes.
That's what I want.
I would like it more if it was a secret, like who your opponent was.
That would be interesting.
You're talking about stress.
That would be more stressful, wouldn't it?
Yeah, you walk out and you're like, now you're fighting the Bradley Martin twins.
Two at once.
What was the child molesting youtube the duger guy or
something he was on tv but yeah i didn't he talking about the i thought he started on youtube
that's what i wish they do you know how they have prison rodeos
i've never been to one i've never been to one either but i know they exist like for anyone
you got a blue ribbon
yeah that you know how they had that
on the pedophile chase yeah that's what it was that's what it was he always kyle's looping up
slippery joe over there got him in 15 seconds yeah he talked about the holy guard dude that's
the coolest event in the whole rodeo like i think the rodeo is pretty lame i'm being honest like
like i feel kind of bad for the animals sometimes but there's one where you like chase down a calf on a horse
and you lasso this calf's foot while it's running and you like trip it up and then you jump the
fuck off and it's called bulldogging you bulldog it which means you tackle it and you get its head
in a certain way so you sort of like get in a headlock, incapacitate it, and then hogtie that motherfucker, which is a detailed thing.
It's not like, you got him restrained?
That's not good enough.
You got to get two loops and then a hitch, and then two loops and a hitch or some shit,
and then hands up, and it's timed.
That one's cool.
That one's like a whole athletic event.
Strapping an asshole on a bull is not necessarily a sport.
The bull thing is fun, like i know what you're
talking about with the bulldogging or whatever because that'll be an event that comes on when
i'm at my grandparents and my grandpa's watching rodeo as he often does and i'll watch that and
i'll see a guy do that and like he'll like throw it get off tie and the time is running and i'll
be like 7.2 seconds like hands up and i'm like well that guy must be the best guy on the planet and then the
announcers are like disappointing score for roger stevenson here you know and my grandpa was just
like these these brazilians are so good he loves the brazilians he thinks that event i know this
event too they they lasso it they jump off the horse and then they tackle the thing and tie his feet. It is bullying.
It is bullying. They outweigh
their calves, right? They're doing it
to baby cows. They got no shot.
That baby cow doesn't want to play this game.
He wasn't like, ooh.
The dog show? Those dogs are fucking
happy. Those dogs
at the dog show...
They're having the time
of their life doing the agility thing, prancing around.
Everyone's clapping. These dogs are like,
all these people love me so much.
The calves, it is not their best day.
This is a completely different sport
you're comparing it to.
Look at this.
That one has some horns.
He didn't even bother with the last.
I've always seen him lasso the thing
first. He just jumped the fuck off.
One foot in the saddle still.
We joke around sometimes about how some things just aren't sports in our opinions.
And I guess it is a bit of gatekeeping.
Although in some situations, it's like, come on, it's just not a sport.
This is a sport.
He's transcended to a sport.
Yeah.
It absolutely is a sport.
It's just like very impressive sport i like to go to um
elementary schools and just beat the fuck out of children look at that diverse crowd
everybody got the hat memo except for far left guy
to be fair on the point of diversity i think i saw a brown man um sort of he's brazilian
To be fair, on the point of diversity, I think I saw a brown man sort of on the right.
I think he was. That's a laborer.
Yeah.
It's in the area.
They caught him.
Did you ever do a kid's rodeo as a young guy?
I did a couple.
We grew up with cows and stuff, but my dad had no interest in that rodeo stuff.
And to me, I'll be honest, especially in Georgia,
the guys who are... So there's country and western,
right? Georgia's country.
Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's how I
feel about it. If we're being honest about what
we are, we're country.
And western,
it's west of us.
We're on the fucking east coast, boys.
Get that fucking cowboy
belt buckle off and those boots off
too put some work boots on or go west like you look silly i think the guys around here that like
try to be cowboys they they're they cosplay as cowboys and these same like hillbilly redneck
fucks would like mock some like femme boy who's dressed up as like i don't know some weird anime
character i would too because anime is lame.
But they're doing the same shit.
You're dressing up as your favorite fucking cowboy.
Yeehaw over there.
Those guys don't know how to bulldog a cowboy.
Are you saying I look silly in my coonskin
cap?
You know what America's largest
cosplay organization is without
a doubt?
Harley Davidson owners.idson owners all
dressing up like they're in some sort of hell's angels club with their their fucking leathers and
their chaps and their badass skull caps that don't protect your head you guys are all cosplay you're
a dentist that motorcycle is 35 000 and those people aren't self-aware. I've always tried, despite
the characters that I may have portrayed here and there,
I've always tried for me as a person
to never be cosplaying as anything
that I'm not.
When I would go...
When I bought my motorcycle gear,
I was like, okay, I am not Speed Racer,
Evil Knievel,
or the Marlboro Man.
I'm me.
So let's find some shit that looks like me and some stuff that I like,
and let's not try to be anybody.
All three of the men in that picture are wearing leather vests.
And it looks hot out.
They're wearing leather vests.
It's not safety equipment.
It's a cosplay thing.
Another diverse group of people.
Carly Davis and Miners.
That bike in the foreground was probably $40,000, $35,000 new.
People talk about paramotor being like a rich person's thing.
$35,000 is for paramotors.
That's true.
That's true.
This guy probably rides his bitch to work, though.
I doubt it. At the bank. i doubt it at the bank at the yard that back seat manages a local chase doesn't it yeah that back seat looks
really comfy i want to like i would i would hold on to any of you on that back seat glad
my back seat had that or what's called a sissy bar which is a back rest
because now before i hit the throttle i have to like make sure my passenger's ready
i refuse to put anybody on my bike i i'm like no one no never i will never do that no i don't i
don't i don't like that idea i don't like being i don't want to be responsible for them uh for one
thing um i feel like i'm already doing an irresponsible thing every time I put my helmet on. But that's my decision.
And I don't like some some dumb girl might not understand that she's taking her life into my hands every time that we like skedaddle up the road to like see how loud it is.
No, no.
We'll watch a YouTube video.
It's really fucking loud.
Listen to it on my laptop speakers.
Yeah.
You're just like if you want to ride a bike with me
then you need your own bike um that's just how it's gonna go i don't feel i feel less safe i feel
like i'm pretty good in a pinch like like when it's like we have to make a decision in the next
1.5 seconds that matters i'm pretty good at that but not everybody is and i could see a girl
freaking out in a situation like where there's
i don't know decisions to be made and fucking maybe we have a wreck when we weren't gonna
have a wreck if she just she hasn't played as much tarkov as you have so she doesn't have those
lightning fast reflexes and quick oh my reflexes are slow it's the decisions that i make after i
got after i come to them i feel like she hasn't played as much warhammer as you have
that's what it is it's it he doesn't have those that's what
it is it's it's the rts skills that's what it is it's it's the macro it seems like you're in a
you're in like a scarier situation if your reflexes are slow and your thinking time is fast
you're gonna know you're gonna calculate how badly you'll be injured right before i said it wasn't
safe to be my passenger from the beginning. That was out of my mouth.
No, we did that reflex test.
I think my reflex time was 1.9
milliseconds or something like that.
190 milliseconds or something like that.
Which was not ideal.
I'm not convinced
that reflexes are
as critical
as people make it out to be like or what in video
games like everyone's like oh my reflexes my reflexes my reflexes right kyle expresses his
surprise cool i think like making the right decision and getting on target quickly is
essential but not how quickly you decide to get on target. Like that stuff is all sort of done in advance before you even engage.
If your mouse skills are good in that you go straight to target,
but your reflexes are a couple hundreds worse than mine,
you're a better player.
Yeah,
I agree with that.
I agree with that.
And then like,
like,
like the highest tier of like gaming sense is when you see the guy not take
the fight,
like,
like, like he's in a situation where he has
multiple enemies who are not together and he's like playing the field like some sort of neo and
out of the matrix shit it's like wait his decision was to jump out the window throw a grenade back
into it melee a different window and then aim straight up yeah he killed them all it's like
it's like yeah he's just got better game sense.
Landmark's like that.
He's got incredible game sense.
He's done it so many times.
He's been in that same hallway.
He's had a thousand fights in this hallway.
You know who?
I'm sorry.
It shows.
Willers jumps out at me in that regard, too.
He is all, it's like, wait a minute.
You can do that?
I didn't even know that was one of our choices.
And you're jumping on dumpsters
on top of trucks.
I didn't know you could go there.
And to you, that's the logical route.
I love people who are
masters of their craft, whatever it is.
It doesn't really matter. I could watch
somebody roll cigars well
for a
while on youtube i like videos like that but then when i same whatever it is um i like those japanese
guys with the long katana like uh knife and they're uh they're cutting on the sushi the tuna
the giant tuna and those tunas are worth like tens of thousands of dollars or something crazy like
like i always feel like i'm being lied to when they say the price of those tunas in those videos.
I know.
Because they'll be like, this is a $75,000 tuna.
And it's like, what billionaires are you selling this to?
Well, I don't even know how.
I didn't even.
It's actually, they probably just own a sushi restaurant.
They weigh 1,000 pounds.
Unexpensive.
It's an expensive sushi restaurant or something.
Well, at least I know a guy here in my city
who I'm like buddies with that does that.
I've like seen him do that on his channel.
And it has like 600 views. And I'm always like always like damn more people should have seen this this is crazy
um he just has like a really fancy sushi restaurant um but yeah that sounds wild it's like how it's
made style stuff like i don't care how marbles are made but i watched a four minute video on it
to be like how are they getting them
all so uniform oh they have like a series of little pillars that they roll down and in different sizes
they drop off and they have to keep it at a precise temperature so that little bits of glass
don't make it oblong and the rolling brought and it was like it was just neat i watched a lot awesome
i watch a ton of those videos and one of the pieces of machinery I see in like many, many like manufacturing processes, it's this thing where at one point the material falls in front
of a screen and that screen detects the bad ones.
And with a burst of air, it separates them from like the good stuff.
So it could be like wheat falling and it's like any rocks or fucked up kernels.
It's just like poof, poof, poof, poof, poof.
But it doesn't, there's like a system or fucked up kernels. It's just like poof, poof, poof, poof, poof. But there's a system that's exactly like that.
I'm sure it's the same software for sure.
For every industry, whether it's tomatoes or wheat
or they're making plastic little pieces that go into something,
there's that same machine.
I really like watching those videos.
Especially when you're stoned, right?
Because you can just kind of absorb that.
You don't need to have any big thoughts. I mean, if I watch that kind of stuff when you're stoned right because it's like you can just kind of absorb that you don't need to have any big thoughts i mean like if i watch that kind of stuff when i'm stoned all i really think is like man i'm so lucky there are so many smart people
yeah that figure stuff like this out because like there's no you if you guys ever think like that
i think like man if the world were seven billion of me, we don't have cell phones.
We don't have a lot.
We're sucking each other's dicks all the time.
It's just gay sex and comedy clubs.
Yeah, just comedy clubs and gay sex.
And everybody's just pumped.
Just years of camping.
That universe has 3,000 different kinds of sausage in it.
Four by four power lifting racks are the standard.
Every team is the St. Louis Blues.
Because it doesn't really matter because I'm the player on every team.
So very low levels of competition.
There's some sort of pocket universe now.
This doesn't make sense.
They're not literal copies of you.
Oh, well, I don't know.
Not literal ones.
Well, I think you would be the best of us in the olden times.
I think you are the most hardy.
I think that.
Well, I mean, Harley actually would be like that.
I think that I'm too many.
I require too many calories to operate throughout the day.
I feel like I starve out after one bad winter
harley's like seven feet tall he would have been pitchforked no he would have
i think that like back then like somebody like harley could have subjugated like a nice
pocket of bill like a local earl or something yes just by size yeah if you were in like some
germanic area or something like that you'd have totally had like a fiefdom below you there'd be like multiple tribes of people under under the claw of they'd
call you like something hard as fuck like the beard of the north or something it'd be like
you'd be you'd be the guy you'd have like a cool way of killing people you'd execute them by like
gouging their eyes out or something and i turn around and be like i hate it every time there's
blood everywhere this This is disgusting.
My name is Charlie Eppenberg.
You're running off in my homeland.
It will take six seasons and we will never
get closer.
Fuck that show.
I have a topic.
Did you guys see Jordan Peterson quit Twitter?
Yeah.
So this is what happened.
He tweeted about a i think it's
yeah the sports illustrated swimsuit model yeah uh zach can you um there's the article
you have to click stories continues and then you can see this woman in her swimsuit. She is the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model.
Of course, that issue is usually the cover is like some super hot mega hot chick.
And he writes, sorry, not beautiful.
And no amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that.
So I'm waiting on Zach to open this.
He's still his twitter is still here uh he tweeted that
he was leaving twitter that he gave his password to his staff and told them not to give it back
to him or something like that oh it'll be right back yeah i'm leaving for real here's my password
don't give it back to me no matter what ever ever ever oh there she is yeah yeah so uh and you can you can
see his tweet at the top there i'll say it again just to get it right um sorry not beautiful no
amount of authoritarian tolerance is going to change that so i'm torn on one hand is he gay
what do you guys think of her she's obviously pretty she has potential is he gay what do you guys think of her she's obviously pretty she has potential is he gay
no you think he's gay for that this one was busted come on come on he's gay for that what
do y'all be so quiet for clearly he's not first of all like like like jesus christ look that's a
pretty lady that's pretty lady i wouldn't she's not a freak show or anything. She looks great.
No.
She shouldn't be on the phone.
No, Kyle.
No amount of authoritarian Russian propaganda can get me to believe that she's great.
She's made up as well.
They've put so much lipstick on this pig, Woody.
Her face is pretty.
Undoubtedly, her face is pretty. She needs to lose 25 or 35 pounds or something like that i
don't know how tall i don't even think she needs to lose it i know i know a couple boys that would
be much happier with her oh yeah right there absolutely like this is a lot of people's ideal
but the issue isn't whether she's hot or sexy or fit or not. None of that is it. It's does she belong on the Sports Illustrated,
which I thought was about sports
being illustrated,
swimsuit edition.
Because I don't think that this woman plays
any sports. I'd like
to know. Maybe I'm wrong, but she doesn't
look like she does. Is she like an Olympian or something?
No, I think the swimsuit edition, I
don't know. Is that what it's about?
Isn't it about... If not that, then what? The swimsuit edition, I don't know. Is that what it's about? Isn't it about... If not that, then what?
The swimsuit edition is just hot chicks.
When Kathy Ireland or Christy Brinkley
or whatever the ladies of old
did, they weren't athletes.
These are just the hottest people
on the planet
making the cover.
I've never seen a single
illustration of that entire magazine
not one illustration stay on topic so the angle that most people are taking is that jordan peterson
is a bitch for quitting twitter right this is mr clean up your room have a backbone how to be a man
etc he gets some mean comments on twitter from how to be a man yeah he's all about really a man
you would jump at the opportunity to have sex with this woman there's a certain logic to that yeah
all all women i guess yeah right the question is what do you mean a ziploc bag filled with gummy
bears and mayonnaise like warmed up in the microwave. If you're a man, you fuck that.
Yes. We've all done it.
I feel
like that would burn your dick.
It depends how long you microwave it.
I don't want a whole
hot gummy.
I might leave it for eight minutes on high.
Only if you're lucky,
Woody. That's what you're going. A little burn's
good.
Wow.
That was this last year?
No. What is that?
That's Elon Musk's mother.
Have sex with her, too.
Why didn't you
say anything about her?
Why didn't you say anything about her?
Because she's a professional
model and she's fit.
If you have to choose one,
I don't want to have this conversation.
There's nothing wrong with getting older.
There's nothing wrong.
Oh, I choose Elon Musk's mother 100 times out of 100.
For sure.
Yeah, that'll get me with the richest man on earth.
Yeah.
No, no, that's not part of it.
That doesn't count.
It's just straight up like, what are you doing?
Elon Musk's mother.
I'll tell you something. Elon Musk's mom mom he is either you're going to be best
friends it's not about wait it's not you don't get elon musk you just get her or this one this
one i want her i want elon musk's mother because i'll tell you something and i like even before
this conversation ever happened if i if i'm going over to uh like to a over to a sexual website and I'm browsing,
nine out of ten times I'm ending up in a genre
that looks more like this Jordan Peterson girl
than looks like Elon's mom.
You're sooner going to see me with some thick exotic girl
than you will catch me with a much older,
yeah, an elderly woman.
And that's fair fair i'm not trying
to i'm not trying to break a hip out here you know no no and that's funny and again though the
question wasn't who's hot or who's desirable it's whether we want people who are probably on
technically morbidly obese on the sports a cover of sports illustrated uh swimsuit edition i should
probably just go for like tippity top who do you think has a better heart who do you think has more heart pumps if we're going to talk about their health like
oh i bet her mom has more heart pumps left than than this girl here this girl's probably
there's gonna be like robotic space hearts don't count like whatever she's got right now like
this girl looks like she's got like you know 50 years of heart pumps left i want to set up my issue is not this stuff how hot the chicks are it's whether jordan peterson
is a bitch we're gonna get to his bitch ass you're really on the jordan thing we're gonna get
this is the guy who wrote the 12 rules for life right i'm looking at his rules right now set your
house in perfect order before you criticize the world. That's rule number six.
Is he following his own rules?
I feel like Jordan Peterson, Mr. fucking keep your dick clean, make your room, make your bed, etc.
It doesn't have his own house in order before he criticizes the rest of the world.
I think maybe he's taking a mental health break.
And that's probably part of his advice, right?
Because I know he's done that before.
But I don't know anything about Jordan Peterson, really.
We talked to him that time.
That was like six, seven years ago.
Six, seven years ago.
And then I've watched maybe 10 minutes of his content since then.
I don't care if that Chunky Girl is on the cover of that magazine, I guess.
But at the same time, because I'm not going to buy the magazine anyway.
I wouldn't buy the magazine if they had the hottest
girl in the world fucking naked on there.
It's a magazine. What year do they think it is?
Who's buying fucking magazines anymore?
I'll tell you.
That's the loser here.
Pedophiles and truck drivers.
Those two little bubbles overlap
greatly.
You think so?
Just another unwarranted shot at the truck drivers of America.
You do nothing for us.
You certainly aren't the most important job in the country.
You're going to be replaced with a microchip.
See, I can say that because truck drivers have a good sense of humor.
They do.
Those were the funniest call-ins for the O&A show.
The weird-ass truckers.
Yeah.
Truckers are awesome.
It's a cool group of people. There's a lot of badass lady truckers. I've seen granny truckers yeah those got truckers are awesome it's a it's a cool group of people
there's a lot of badass lady truckers um i've seen i've seen granny truckers that can fucking
move that thing around like i'd be so intimidated you want to fuck them oh yeah granny truckers
they should be honest look here's the thing about those granny truckers that you don't know harley
talk to me talk they've been they've been sitting on that pancake for 1800 miles it's flat as a
flitter okay you've never you've never deep dicked a woman until you fucked an old granny trucker
okay fresh off fresh off an overnight red eye across these united states a greasy it's greasy
and dusty at the same time it's it's like it's kind of like it's like when
you it's like when you wet cornstarch and it creates that sort of weird amorphous solid
it's like fucking that except it it like moans yeah in in in 1940s that's what a trucker woman's
ass is like it's like fucking a non-newtonian fluid yes that's what i was going for a non-Newtonian fluid. Yes, that's what I was going for. A non-Newtonian fluid. You fuck it hard enough and it'll shatter.
Yeah, your dick will.
Your dick will.
Your dick will.
It's like fucking concrete at that point.
Truckers of America.
Yeah, we have lots of trucker listeners.
I know we do.
We really do.
I love those guys.
Yeah, the way you were saying about Jordan Peterson, though,
like, yeah, you don't get to do that.
No, and anytime someone says they're leaving the internet,
but they don't delete their accounts,
it's like you're just taking a break.
They're like those people who are going to leave America
when Trump got elected, right?
I can't believe those people don't get called out on the daily.
Like, to say something so audacious and then not back it up,
when you could
like because they're usually like celebrities like celebrities worth 30 million like lena dunham
being like i'm moving to canada if he wins and it's like no you're not you could you can go be
rich anywhere on earth like you this is not going to impact you you're going to be worth a lot of
money no matter what what's weird is this uh the jordan peterson jordan peterson thing is like um
i feel like she's a better looking person than he is
who the lady in the sports illustrator yeah yeah that's yeah like i don't think that's like
a good looking enough person to say that like he shouldn't be the one to come out and look
and that always bothered me like nerdy gross nerdy gross guy's been like megan
fox is so ugly right that's like it's so weird it's like shut up like there's like there's no
way you know her her thumbs are so fucked up it's like i've never understood that i've never
understood the thing about like they always went after megan fox's thumbs when she's clearly like dead on the inside and that's the real i don't care if she's got like five thumbs on each hand now she's drinking machine gun kelly's
blood right yeah it was what they do yeah she got all that crazy plastic surgery and she's still
like the hottest chick you've ever fucked but you know she drinks blood from uh from the rapper
well i don't know what he's doing these days he's been punk for a
while right i don't i could not tell you what foot machine gun i really try to avoid anything
i'll tell you this like have you ever seen an episode of the kardashians taylor no me either
what do you have you never i've harley what have you ever seen a full episode of the kardashians enough enough of episodes but not
like i don't think i made it through beginning to end of one i've only seen like maybe like
five second bites or something or images yeah or i've been in proximity of someone watching and i
was like playing an xbox game at the same time yeah like that part of like pop culture i just stay away
from that whole it's just a reality show right like yeah yeah the hill from kardashian highlight
and some random person called in or something like that or was talking to him and she was like
in the process of getting divorced and it was complicated and all the kardashian girls were
like no judgment here it's okay and i was like i like them i like them they're not
judging which nba player are you angling for yes yes you know what i i separated from and i really
didn't take any part in it was like this whole era on instagram and social media of like people
doing weird fucked up shit it was like 2017 2018 2019 like people doing weird fucked up shit. It was like 2017,
2018,
2019,
like people running into stores and knocking things over and stealing shit or
like doing like weird stunts all in like Instagram videos.
Like,
you know,
it was like shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They did just like no cause problems.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like,
like remember boom gang.
Remember that guy? No, I don't remember. It was was like this dude he has like tattoos all over his face he'd be like boom gang and he'd like run into him and like throw everything on the floor
and like push shit over and like run out it was like on instagram video that was his thing
yeah yeah totally that's what like it was like a time of like asshole social
media i'd hate that i hate it when you leave a mess for someone else i'll tell you what i did
like though like when vitality would like dress in that like black suit and be like the russian
assassin or whatever and like drop off the briefcase and be like this is for you and the
russian accent they'd be like what do you mean this is for you you take and then like leave them
with it and then see what they did uh i saw another version where a guy dresses up and like i don't know what you
call that thing that saudis wear the full like yeah the thing that looks so comfortable that
like you can wear it in the desert like it's like a sheet yeah they're night down yeah i don't know they're in like i actually i bought one please tell me it was like a dress uh that came to you
it was like a bit for epic mealtime
um no those look super comfy though what is it called
i know uh my uh my moroccan friend he was like going to some party oh so and he had this wild
get up with like these it was all emerald green and embroidered and it was like form fitting he
was a fit guy and then the shoes were like came up and curled back toward him like a fucking elf
out of a cartoon or some shit it was awesome we. We don't have anything like that. We just put on a suit.
Right.
We could wear a thobe.
Dude, you should.
That's what I was getting at. The guy throws on a thobe and he walks up and
throws a gym bag
at people on the street and runs away.
I like it.
Invariably, they are terrified and run.
It's pretty funny. we were talking before about like just your reaction time and stuff and i was trying to
remember the what it was called but like uh quarterbacks take uh this test called the
wonder lick yeah you know about that i feel like you three guys should like take that on one of
your like off days and then just bring in your scores and analyze them
just to see who would be the best quarterback of you three.
I don't know.
What is this test like?
It's like you have to know when to skip the question.
I think when you get one wrong, that's when it stops counting your score.
It's like six minutes to answer 58 questions,
and the questions are things like uh uh manipulate is the
opposite of which of these words and there's four words there and like you could skip questions
that's fine and go back to them later but like you have to know when to skip and when you get
one wrong it stops counting it and like it just so happens that sick like good quarterbacks tend
to score high on it because it's like quick decision-making stuff.
Cool.
I feel like I'd fuck that up.
That sounds fun and also not embarrassing if I make a zero.
So I will do it.
Yeah, there's also some professional.
I think there's some professional quarterbacks that scored notoriously low
and still were successful.
Yeah, absolutely.
So fuck this test.
I'm on the Wonderlic test right now.
I was kind of curious. Are the following two words similar contradictory or unrelated aghast unsurprised
contradictory contradictory uh if you leave a tip of 15 on a 33 meal what is the total cost
for the night oh i can't do that. This is multiple choice.
I'll just skip it.
It would be hard.
Easier if you could see it.
R O Y G B I V stands for red,
orange,
yellow,
green,
blue,
indigo,
violet.
The colors of the rainbow is one of the choices.
I'm going to give you that a quarter of inches equal to,
Oh,
and then a decimal 0.25 inches.
It's an IQ test.
And,
uh,
Harley points out that it's timed.
Like, I don't know if I'm on pace to finish this or not.
I think I am.
But, yeah, so there's – I'm told that you can get too high a Wunderlich score.
Like, they don't like certain positions to be really – they're going to be a little more obedient.
And they have found that if you crush it on the Wunderlich and you're
smarter than the coach... Independent thinker.
Independent thinker. That's not what they're
looking for for some positions.
Like a soldier. Yeah, yeah.
And I don't know where exactly
not being smart. Maybe lineman or something.
It's like... They don't want you to
contradict and hesitate because
you think you have a better plan. Just because you
think that guy is getting past you,
he is not your fucking assignment.
This guy was.
That guy doesn't even matter anymore because it was a fake.
Don't you know?
Yeah, I hear you.
I don't know.
I think linemen is actually a complicated position,
and it's good to be smart.
I think they're all complicated.
I was so bad at football it was embarrassing.
I can't believe.
I must have expressed interest for my parents to put me out there.
I don't know what the fuck.
Because your country's strong.
What do you mean?
Your country's strong.
Of course you go into football.
They just got to see it out.
You're American.
You're American country boy.
You absolutely have to go into football because there is a chance that you get on the field
and you're magical.
And I understand why
your parents did it there's just they had seen me run they had seen me run before
my mom was like he runs like forrest gump he's just straight up
they were right putting you in though like i'd look at you i'd be like yo
i'd be like our kid looks like he gets mad sometimes we should put him on the field
see what happens.
Maybe you're like a fucking crazy-ass linebacker or something.
He was a great runner, too.
I looked.
What she meant was he looks retarded when he runs.
That was just my mom's loving way of saying it, I think.
My dad would get mad when I was a kid because I ran very gay.
Like, as a young boy, I was flipping like this when I was running,
and it, like, frustrated my dad to no end.
Like Steven Seagal.
You ever watch him run?
He runs like that.
Yeah, I run like Steven Seagal as a child.
And I remember just, like, looking off the soccer field
and seeing my dad just like, ugh.
And I remember once, like, my grandparents or something,
like, I'm, like, five years old, like five.
Like I'm like actively looking over seeing him disappointed in my my gay running ass.
And I remember he was that that face of disappointment.
But also I remember like saying goodbye to my grandparents, maybe family friends or something.
And he got on to me for this like 10 times in a row before I got it because I would wave to people goodbye like this.
Oh, I'd say goodbye.
And he'd be like, stop waving like that.
And I'd be like, and I would see like them going like this.
And I just it didn't compute.
And I'd be like, yeah, I just kept waving.
And like he really didn't like that.
I waved like that for a good year.
I mean, you're my life. I mean, I could. Yeah, I wouldn't like that i waved like that for a good year i mean you're my life i mean i could yeah
i wouldn't like that either um you know it felt right at the time you need to learn how to do
things like that from an early age like that what you don't want to be i do
no i still do that I'll double it up.
Fingers apart.
Every time you meet Taylor for the first time in a few years,
he's like,
ah!
I think the move is to do the inflatable guy at the car salesman.
Yeah.
Hey!
Taylor's here!
My brother-in-law gets... Taylor my uh nephew because like of the things he watches
he watches like things on netflix like female justice league so it's just the justice league
but like they're just girls i I guess. And he gets mad.
He's like, why are you watching that?
The Justice League is men.
Wonder Woman is the only one.
I don't understand why he's watching that one.
And he doesn't watch He-Man.
He watches She-Ra.
Yeah.
And that drives my brother-in-law crazy.
He gets so mad at that.
And I'm like, I think you're getting too mad.
I was like i would
like 30 7 i hope he's fucking with that i hope he has a second total friend who's like
watch my dad flip the fuck oh honestly i was like a part of them is probably just like
like what's his problem he probably likes getting the like reaction out of you but then like he'll
bring me something like beauty and the beast like uh like a costco like this beauty and the beast
book and it should like check it out i'm like oh sick and then i look over my brother-in-law and
he's like and i'm like bro what's going on i i love disney shit growing up no i did not like
beauty and the beast that was not one of my go-tos beauty and the the Beast is fucking bullshit. It was, look, we owned the whole thing.
We had all the decorative VHSs.
I'm sure a lot of people did.
Everyone in the middle class did.
And we had Beauty and the Beast,
and that was one we watched a lot.
I was thinking about Beauty and the Beast last week.
We were talking about this.
Wait a minute.
Gaston is the bad guy?
First of all, Gaston has his own fucking song,
and it's clear that he's the best
at every fucking thing that there can be.
No one fights like Gaston.
No one drinks like Gaston.
It's like on and on. It's like three minutes
of no one can do anything.
And he's showing you he can do it.
He's like overhead pressing
six men while he drinks
eight liters of beer.
Gaston was a winner winner they kidnap his girl
no no no a a a beast man in a castle fucking kidnaps kidnaps his girl and fucks her with his
dog dick and with all of his like demonically possessed belongings keeping her prisoner in his fucking evil man castle it's like it's like
she can't even escape because his dog dick is knotted inside her exactly it's actually hot
when you describe it like this that would have been great if in the final scene when gaston has
shown up to save like but not only his love but like the cutest girl in the village or whatever.
Like,
like everybody's like the monster took bell or whatever.
And he's like,
I'll lead them in to save it.
And like,
I wish when he was on the side of the,
the,
that castle beating the shit out of that dog,
man,
that,
that she was knotted being drug along behind.
Think about it.
She didn't love the beast.
She just had Stockholmholm syndrome yeah absolutely
a 10 foot tall monster with fangs shows up and it's got you tied to a bed basically and it's
like i love you you have to go i love you too yeah like there's no other option the
fucking goat baby that comes out of her i hope it ruins her yeah now you know now that you say it
the beast should have died the beast should have died
the beast should have died and gaston should have been like the lesson i was up trust your senses
she should have been dying too from the knot and and because it got like ripped out when the beast
fell off the castle and like pulled her in she's all prolapsed and blown out down there and and
then like he should have been like i i should have always loved you. I should have like...
And his tears should be what heal her.
They should fall right on her.
Prolapsed.
No one heals like Gaston.
No one heals like Gaston.
His tears should fall on her blown out,
like denotted vagina.
And it should slowly seal back up.
Like in the scene of the Lion King
after they kill the bad lion.
It's so much like that.
And it rains.
And then the whole savannah grows back
and it's all fresh and shit.
All the animals mysteriously come back,
the antelope, to be eaten by different lions, I guess.
They just...
Actually, that is a good point.
The antelope should have counted their blessings at that.
Those were killers being taken off the streets
in the antelope community. Yeah, that at that that was yeah those were those were killers being taken off the streets in the antelope community yeah i that's a bullshit fucking
cartoon um it is bad i don't know what the messaging is there like like choose the gross
guy who's who's like who holds you prisoner over the the douchey jock like like who's writing this
cartoon a fucking monster me a guy covered in hair with fangs
and sitting there banging it on his typewriter.
Bell's a cunt.
I didn't like that one. I didn't look into it that far.
As a kid, I just didn't
like the songs, I think.
Jungle Book was my go-to
of those old Disney movies.
Yeah, that was great.
Baloo was my man.
I also loved Jungle Book. and for me it was this song
the one about like about bare necessities
robin hood was great also that was mine yeah people slept on robin hood because it was a
bit before our time just a little bit before so you kind of like you got to the wait the cartoon with the
effeminate king richard no no no no no no the the the the animated version with the foxes fox yeah
robin is a fox and and made marion's a sexy ass fox you want to put it on like like what what
a fox vaginas look like she was the first one that came through with that like pixar mom body
but like a fox yeah she's filling that old
that dress out i saw that yeah dude the guy who drew the incredibles is a fucking pervert
uh that guy's cool that so over the line that lady's ass i really feel like you're blaming him
for um in what's her Elastigirl's decisions.
Elastigirl could look like anything, and she chose a fat bottom girl.
That's fair.
Okay, I do like that because it is realistic.
She would be walking around.
She'd be eating whatever she wanted all the time.
She could be skinny like an 18-year-old, right?
She could just strategically choke his age.
She could be fat.
She could look like the current swimsuit illustrated model.
That's the ass she picked.
That's a lot of ass.
I just imagine the animator being like,
get a load of what I'm submitting.
And then being like, it's a product.
Come on, Mark.
You've got to make it smaller.
You're going to fire.
I had an encounter with a girl.
I didn't notice the camel toe.
I didn't encounter with a girl at my gym.
I didn't encounter a girl at my gym that looks like that.
And like, I literally almost fell backwards.
I like almost just fell on the spot, like on the ground, like,
and just fell like on my head.
I would have died because it's like, was she doing some big squats?
No, she just put her plate on my machine like i was like sitting on a back thing and she put the plate on it thinking that like that's where the plates like rest but it was actually on the machine
and i was like oh that can't go can't go there like you know and she was like oh my bad she
took it off and i was like like when i took it i was like i was at dinner last night and um i was
sitting kind of by the i was in this little corner booth thing and um the the there were windows uh
in front of me and the sun was coming through the windows that's relevant and this uh this this lady
goes to sit down at the table next to us and she's really pretty and uh she's wearing like this uh this this lady goes to sit down at the table next to us and she's really
pretty and uh she's wearing like this uh this like i don't know she's wearing a dress and when
she sits down the sunlight beams through her dress and i can see her vagina lips through her dress
and i went i like the lord smiles on you i i whisper to my date i'm like i could see
her pussy lips and she goes she's not wearing a bra either did you let her know you're not allowed
well yeah of course i i tapped her on the the ass and i said ma'am
are you feeling a little a little breezy?
It's a little clammy in here.
No, that was...
That was wild. That was a fun start
to the evening.
I had a good time.
And it stayed visible the whole time?
No, for one brief moment when she was
standing in front of the window before she sat down,
the sun shone
through her dress and made it transparent to the point where you could like see through her dress yeah lucky yeah nice
you were like ditching the date let's go on this i'm gonna pursue this she's coming with us
nah she was with her mom and dad they're coming too too. How old was she? I don't know. She was in one of those little booster things.
What ages are those?
She was unbelievably rude, playing with her food the whole time.
Get this.
She cried in the middle of the restaurant for 40 minutes.
Two-year-old.
Oh, that's horrific oh what's the deal with the uh i've been
told that there's a shortage of baby formula which
you know as someone who despises
babies it's like oh
things looking up but um
what is baby formula
like fucking corn syrup and sawdust
funny a shortage of baby formula
and also like no abortion
so more babies incoming at the exact same time you've seen that there's a shortage of baby
formula i'm not sure why i i know part of it is i don't i sound like i'm knocking trump but trump
made some sort of rule saying you can't import baby formula amongst maybe other dairy derived things
from canada having to do with protecting our own industry it was never meant to like hurt babies
at the time there was no shortage and i'm just trying not to be like as holy anti-trump he's
not my guy but let's be fair about it so um but that is one of the problems that is that whatever
four years later has has come to roost that we can't import shit from Canada like we used to.
Cool.
Right now, they just passed a bill in the House, $23 million.
So this, on the scale of the government, is a tiny little bill to give baby formula to babies of poor families.
And like 192 Republicans voted
against it. Thankfully, something like
8 voted for it, along with 200
Democrats, so it passed.
But I'm like, what is the...
Why are we voting against this
tiny little expense to feed
poor babies?
I heard that, and it made me...
My first thought was,
I doubt Republicans are trying to
hurt babies it's not a good look what else was in the bill help me understand help help me understand
like i'd love to like know like honestly like look if you're against babies that's not a position
that i can't get on board with i'm okay with that if you're literally trying to starve some babies
out there like i've been saying week after week we got a lot of fat babies out there start when they're little and they'll stay little
okay you wait till the problem gets big to start you know weight loss it's right early start
everyone would do better almost all americans do better on a calorie restricted diet
why not begin in utero in the in the womb yeah That would be the issue that got me
out into the streets.
If they were like, mandatory
calorie restrictions for
Americans.
I've never been to a protest, never been to
a political rally. I'm organizing
shit. I'm starting
Facebook groups.
Handing out cheeses to your fellow protesters.
Then the day comes and I stay home.
Everybody else take care of it.
I don't understand what would motivate most.
I'm going to make up numbers, but if I'm 80% right here,
it's like 192 to 8 Republicans were against giving baby formula to poor babies.
Maybe the argument is babies should work harder.
They're mostly freeloaders, right?
They don't do shit.
They don't pull their weight.
And maybe it's time babies started working harder.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know why you'd want one of those things anyway.
A baby?
Yeah.
I think you should have to have a dog
first before you get a
baby. Would any dog do?
Or do you need to have like...
At least the size of an infant. You have to have an
eight pound dog or bigger. You can't get one of those bullshit
dogs. Taylor, how
much does your dog weigh?
The little one's 12 pounds.
The big one's 17 pounds so so i barely made the cut
no you got it yeah i really think that like you proved i i think that until you're like maybe like
25 you should have to get a baby license like like if a 25 year old uh couple want to have a
baby cool go get after it but if you're younger than that it should be it should uh there should
be a fine or maybe they take away like whatever tax savings you were going to have um from having
that baby that's how you would enforce this you'd be like oh you had one of those illegal babies
okay well no that's not you can't you don't get any tax savings from having that baby no absolutely
not that's not a defendant that's a crime and guess what as a deterrent, we send that baby to the littlest Guantanamo Bay you ever did see.
Bit low.
Yeah.
Guantanamo Baby.
And it's just for children.
Guantanamo Baby.
That sounds like a really funny early 2000s movie.
Yeah.
Jamie Kennedy does the voice for the baby or something.
Yeah.
Dude, that's like a Berenstain bear thing.
We're like, I could almost imagine that entire movie.
Like, like I've seen that guy, Jamie Kennedy,
what the hell happened to him?
I remember he was in Malibu's most wanted.
I watched it in 2002 and that was it.
Yeah. Yeah.
That was the, I had my driver's license, and I was like,
I can go to the movies whenever I want.
And so I went a ton.
Any friend, any girl who wanted to go to a movie,
I was like, do you want to go to the movies?
I loved it.
Because that and video games were trickled into my existence
before I had that driver's license.
That's why I don't understand people now
who don't have cars and driver's license that's why i don't understand like people now who don't have cars
and driver's licenses i get like the overall how difficult it is to get a car but like cars are
like 300 if you just want transportation you can go get a 300 fucking car and work on it and put
it back together in your yard and like have some way to fucking put around i i would have to if i had never gotten a car i would i don't know
i'd be over there dad right now yeah which wouldn't be terrible but it wouldn't it was
are there many adults you know that don't have licenses so really i don't know i know adult
professionals who like make six figures who don't have a fucking driver's license.
So they have a state-issued ID for when they fly,
not even a driver's license?
I don't ask questions like that.
I actually consider it a red flag.
It's a huge red flag.
A girl that doesn't have her license is a major red flag.
Major.
It's weird.
Because at our age, it's likely been taken from them, right?
Or they just didn't make that happen.
And it's such a super important, easy thing to do that you really need to get done.
And they never got it done.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I never understood the kids in my grade.
It's like sophomore year high school.
That's when you get your license.
Like the day I turned 16, it was a Sunday.
So that Monday I skipped school and I went and got my license. I was so excited. And then just like I took the day I turned 16, it was a Sunday. So that Monday I skipped school and I went and got my license.
I was so excited.
And then just like,
I took the day off.
So I just like drove around aimlessly.
Like I could just stop and buy sodas.
Now I could just go get Dr.
Peppers.
I want to tell you,
I had,
I had friends who like,
just,
they just didn't,
they'd be like,
Oh no,
I'm just not going to do that.
Like there were,
there was a compute.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I,
I was just super short story.
I'm sorry,
Kyle. There was a girl who got her super short story. I'm sorry, Kyle.
There was a girl who got her driver's license in my high school, in my grade.
And as she was pulling out of the DMV into traffic, she got her first ticket.
She had had her license for like 30 seconds.
I went to school with a guy all the way from elementary through high school. And we graduated at the same time.
And I didn't realize it until maybe a few years out of
high school that he had faked not being retarded his whole life he had somehow flown under the
radar as a person who was like he shouldn't have been in the same classes with everyone else
oh he was retarded and he faked it was he then he's not retarded no no no everyone just thought
he was weird everyone thought he was weird.
Everyone thought he was silly and funny and that was his sense of humor.
But then it came time when everyone got their driver's licenses.
And he couldn't read.
No, he couldn't read.
He couldn't read.
And no one had ever noticed.
He was 16. We were in high school.
No one knew that Rick couldn't read.
The teachers are retarded.
Yeah, the teachers should be.
The teachers know he can't read.
They're pushing him on through the system.
But, you know, we spoke about that when I was learning to become a teacher.
The, like, American school system ended up following, like, the same motto as the U.S. Marines, which was leave no man behind.
So they actually don't let you fail. You keep going forward.
So literally that person's like a victim of that system that they're like
showing up to school in the 10th grade. And they're like,
I still never really grasped the third grade. Yeah. Yeah. I don't,
I don't remember anyone failing throughout my like bit through
school and it was always because i always like rode that line between failure myself because i
wanted to do as little as possible that's my style and so like i would be calculating like
how the most difficult part about school was calculating how low i could score on something
all the time all the time i should have i have shown them those notes and they'd be like, you know what?
Bonus. How about five points
bonus on that midterm? This is impressive.
Then you're like, oh, I got to read you the math. I got that five points.
I lost my train of thought.
But yeah, the whole time, just riding
by as low and easy. No one ever
failed, you were saying? Oh, no one ever failed,
including me, because it was my biggest
fear. I think I've mentioned before, I i technically did um miss too many days i don't
think they should have given me my diploma uh it literally came down to my dad being like
it came down to a teacher being intimidated by my dad a little bit and fixing some paperwork
and saying that i was there enough days i'd only missed it by half a day.
Like you could miss like five days of each class.
To a normal person, they think I can miss five days of school.
But to me, I'm like, oh, we can mix and match.
We could leave early some days.
We could come in late some days.
I've just got to keep track.
And I think what had happened, because I'm going off his paperwork.
I just opened
his like thing of attendance and go through and count and like i was i can miss a whole another
day so i just didn't show up and like we miscounted yeah and and like got it got paperwork that said
you know you you don't get no diploma and uh and like but like i know this guy and like the real
world we shoot together and uh we i go to the gun, and I'm like, Mr. So-and-so failed me.
And everybody's like, you failed Lamar's boy?
Well, not anymore, and I want to lose friends over it.
And literally, first of all, my dad wouldn't give a shit.
My mom would be the one upset.
My dad would be like, one good one guess you're going to summer school to make up
half a day of shop you know that's that would have been his reaction but um this guy named
bart york who's this comical southern guy with a stutter was like
something like this.
And Bart knows what he's doing.
Something like this.
Bart knows that my dad's not going to whoop anybody's ass.
Certainly not my school teacher.
But Mr. So-and-so is starting to buy into it.
And when my dad pulls up, he beats me to my dad's truck.
And he's in the window.
Hey, we're going to fix this whole thing with Kyle's grades.
My dad didn't even know.
He doesn't care.
He doesn't care.
Like, you know, it was great, though.
He fixed it, thank God.
And I got my diploma, I guess.
So you're technically a high school graduate.
Technically, I am.
And that's all that counts.
That's all that counts.
Yeah, I don't remember anybody failing either. I remember that one guy I went to eighth grade with who on his diploma, it said, thank you
for participating in the eighth grade instead of you graduated, but he didn't even get held back.
So like the next year, I was like, yeah, it was yeah it was after eighth grade graduation and i
read it before i was talking to to him and he was like he hated school so much and like he
aggressively was bad at school and so like we were all chatting afterward he was like guys look at
this it's hilarious and we're like dude jack it says that you just participated in eighth grade
he's like i know dude and then like he's like left laughing and then first day of freshman year we because we were going to the same high school he showed up
and you know that that's just the way it went like he finished high school with us
i'll give you one better than that i skipped sixth and seventh grade with no protocol whatsoever
i didn't take sixth or seventh gradeth grade. What did you do?
I worked with my dad.
I worked with my dad and hunted
and learned to shoot
things at long range.
That is
6th and 7th grade.
Kyle does not know how to multiply
fractions.
He just wasn't in school. Let like let's ask sixth and seventh grade
things i can teach you sixth and seventh grade in a month by the way if you ever want it
how about how about this sixth and seventh grade questions for kyle what is the capital of michigan
oh no michigan it's not detroit i guess Is it? I'm pretty sure I know.
No, I don't know my capitals.
I don't know my capitals.
See, that's sixth grade.
I knew them at one point because I remember going through them,
but I don't know the capital of Michigan.
Is it Lansing or something?
Yes.
It is.
Look at that.
You didn't fucking need sixth grade.
Yeah.
No, when I got back, no sixth or seventh grade,
and I got back to start
8th grade, and they're like,
you just have to take this test. It was just
math. You were gone for two
years from other children and stuff
in the woods hunting with your dad?
Yeah. It explains so
much.
No socialization.
I was a real fucked up dog
getting thrown back into the pack.
Yeah, how was that?
That's better than sixth and seventh grade. I feel like kids should do that instead.
Oh, it's my favorite time.
So they give me this test, and I had been taking practice tests and stuff to get prepped for this big test we're going to take.
Because that's going to determine how they place me in the eighth grade.
And while I don't need to be in any advanced classes,
I don't want to be in any like remedial classes either.
You know,
I don't want that.
So I tried a good bit on the practice test that my mom got me when I got
there,
it was the practice test.
And I had to make a conscious decision not to ace fucking algebra and geometry.
That's a smart decision at your age, by the way.
I was like, I think I can get a high 90 on this.
Because I've drawn that fucking cube or whatever so many times now.
I've done it three times before, this exact test.
I literally decided, if I ace this shit, they're gonna put fucking put me in like i i
barely know this shit just so we're all clear like you've memorized it but you don't understand
why those equations get to where they go geometry i i didn't understand um graphing because it
hadn't been explained to me properly which is who knows whose fault that might have been i think i
think it was that teacher in eighth grade actually skipping two years hanging two years hanging in the woods. That could have done it.
But I can calculate the ballistic
efficiency of a fucking rifle round in a
heartbeat. So that's what really matters.
Well, we all can.
I'm going to really need that
skill going forward.
No, I like that I did that. I think that did make
me a different kind of person
because I was hanging out with adults all day, right?
I was not hanging out with kids at all.
I was hanging out with my dad's friends and associates.
And there were times when I was 13
and running a crew of Mexican guys,
me on a tractor and them shoveling stuff into it
as I tell them what to do
and meanwhile i feel like my compatriots over at franklin county middle school were probably like
fucking finger painting or some shit in art class i don't know is there a an aspect of jealousy
because i imagine if i had to go to school and then some guy showed up eighth grade day one it's
like you you just skipped the last two
years are you kidding me like were people like what the hell like that was that was awesome what
was that like i would have been so fascinated someone just skipping two years of school and
showing up i have no memory of of like big parts of that uh time i'm not really sure what the
memory what what the reaction was for me coming back or if there was one drunk fixing cars with
my dad no no i remember all that
really well but like i don't remember what going back to school was even like i know they put me
adderall pretty quick so it couldn't have gone too well um i think that that's that's a sign
uh but i don't i don't really remember a lot of that too well it couldn't have gone well
like like popping back after being gone for two years like having no friends and like uh i think
everybody had gotten on like aol and like i didn't know what the fuck that was and it was you didn't have aim you weren't
messaging it was it was hard to get like integrated into the system i've been out for two years
skinning deer yeah you're institutionalized i showed up wearing my moccasins that i'd made
and i thought they were so cool that's hilarious you you made your own moccasins and you shut up like this is
this is gonna endear me yeah yeah that's the thing that really happened yeah i was like
really thinks that's real i totally i totally believe that i love that you doubled down
last week we were both on the same shelf or something train i think it was i was i was like
you didn't know it was a joke.
I didn't make no fucking moccasins. I just like shooting deer.
I had a big bag of jerky, maybe.
I had moccasins when I was that age
and I would wear them around in the woods
when I was like, I didn't have boys and Indians.
It probably would have been something that lame.
I was always bad at usernames.
I didn't know what to put.
It goes back to that not wanting to be a phony thing.
Right? Like when you pick your motorcycle gear or your paintball gear or whatever it's like the i don't think you're the mohawk man dude do you really need the mohawk on your helmet
maybe that's not you that happens as i age like there are things that i think are cool
but don't feel cool enough to wear i'm 49 those
sneakers that i love so much like at 19 i wore fucking track shoes at school i didn't run i
thought they were neat and i think i pulled them off because i was like athletic and shit i can
wear track shoes now me shows up with track shoes what am i cosplaying as a young person
like that's bullshit you can't just wear whatever you want you have to thread the needle the reason dads dress like dads is because they're not allowed to dress like high
school kids without looking like freaks so they just get stuck in that in that lane and and i try
to thread the needle somewhat i mean more more so recently don't judge me from like
when i had mandals but i i try to thread the needle of like
like looking good and and staying fit ish and and i guess dressing appropriately without dressing
like a child yeah i i i really don't like the idea of being seen as a poser or someone who's uh who's
trying to be something else that was one thing i didn't like like i didn't give a shit if people
thought i was a russian or a communist or like Spetsnaz or whatever they wanted to call me.
But I really didn't like it when they were like,
he's,
he wants to be in the,
he wants to be an army man and he can't.
I'm like,
that is not what I want.
I would hate to be an army man.
I,
if I want to be an army man,
I'd be an army man,
but I don't want to fucking simplify and salute all of you and thank you for your service and suck your army dicks, like all that.
But no, that is not what I want.
I made a conscious decision not to do that.
I am shooting fucking pumpkins for a reason.
Maybe you missed the first four jokes I told until we got to the point where I shot the pumpkin.
You dumb, dumb.
But no, I do not want to be an army man man and I'm not trying to look like an army man.
And if I'm wearing something, I'm being paid
to wear it. I didn't choose it.
Dude,
the way that your hairstyle at the
time when you started FPS Russia
perfectly aligned with what an Eastern European
would look like if he just showed up.
Yeah.
Is he really Russian? It's like, yeah, bro.
Look at his hair.
Of course. showed up yeah always people are always like is he really russian it's like yeah bro look at his hair yeah look at his hair of course yeah some um dude this happened to me like two days ago i'm walking
by a barber shop it's clearly a black barber they have all the on that there's a sign like on the
outside of the building and they're shaving all these intricate designs like spirals and I don't know fucking
starships and space
scenes into people's heads and I
thought to myself quickly
if they could do that they could probably do my hair
easy
these are really talented barbers
no Woody
twice burned and still going back
to that well he cannot resist that honeypot
of black barbers.
By the way, Harley, if you haven't noticed, Woody got squared up again by a black man.
Oh, I didn't notice that.
Yeah.
It's funny because Amir walked into, my buddy Amir walked into a barber shop like that with the same mentality.
And he walked in and took like two steps and they looked at him like, it's not for you.
He was like, what the heck? This place isn't for you. And he was in and took like two steps and they looked at him. They're like, it's not for you. It was like, what the heck?
This place isn't for you.
And he was like, okay.
I like just turned around and left.
And I was like, they could have cut your hair so easily, but they just didn't want to.
I was like, your hair is like easy shit.
Especially since you're like, just do it loose on the sides or whatever your dumb like recommendation would
have been it would have been easy like you know i feel like the people they were used to they go
there they like cut the front also and like down the side like hit me just needed a little trim up
in the back and they were like nah bro get out of here i mean on the gun thing actually i i i
remember like on a vlog i got like an airsoft gun.
I'm like for fun.
And I took it and I held it and like I shot it a couple of times.
And then I remember being high and go to the comment section.
And I see a comment and they're like, look at this fucking idiot.
Like, that's not how you hold the gun, bro.
Like, you have to hold the gun like this.
And I'm like, sure.
Okay.
I don't know.
And then I go to the next comment they're like look at this idiot holding an airsoft gun like it's a real gun like
you guys aren't giving me anything here i can't even exist now without pissing someone off clearly
yes i got you both mad and you're both like you know different reasons that's ideal though like
that that's how you like work the algorithm and you get that sort of like interaction
in the, in the comment box.
That's not toxic as fuck.
Like at least we're not talking about like political ideals.
We're talking about where our fingers go on a gun now.
Like, like, like I liked like drumming that up and like, I would hold, that's why I didn't
use fucking ear protection for so long is because like they would write articles about
how I didn't use fucking ear protection for so long. It's because they would write articles about how I didn't.
I would have loved to put some earplugs in,
but they kept complaining on their stupid website
and their stupid articles about me not doing it.
And I was like, I'm never going to do it then.
Fuck them.
I shot a minigun with no fucking ear protection.
Go back and watch that video.
You know what that felt like?
You can do your ear thing, right?
It doesn't matter what you do with your ear thing.
It felt like there were two dildos in each eardrum.
Now I know why you did it.
It feels kind of good, actually.
It's kind of nice.
I did it twice more off camera.
No, you piss people off like that about little things, and it's good.
Nowadays, though, I don't know.
People are just so angry all the time. Oh, my God.
All the time.
Everything.
I don't know.
Everybody's so angry all the time.
Yeah, I'm off that now.
It's almost wholesome when you see certain arguments now where it's like, oh, look at
these two guys at each other's throats.
When's the last time?
The Maple Leafs Tampa series.
That's so much more wholesome than people wanting to kill each other other when's the last time you actually got angry about something in real life
uh probably been a while i try not to i uh i wanted to get my lad i'll do mine so you guys
can think i want to do uh i've got a light bulb i need to change it's really high and uh but i
remembered i own not one but two very expensive ladders.
There are these ladders that can like go into like any position like this, or even straight
out to like, like build a scaffold and, and they extend way up. And I have, I have a pair of them.
I don't know, 400 bucks each maybe. And I called my dad yesterday and I was like, Hey,
I'm going to come by and grab my ladders and he was like oh
those guys those were stolen and he's like you know he's like you know who got them i was like
those cocksuckers because there were these two brothers that worked for me for a while
who uh like money would go missing i would keep like cash under like the visor of my truck to pay
people with and like you know little bits of money would go missing and uh and i remember they were
always like it's it's the older brother not the little one don't blame him and be like like all
right if they come back i'm gonna fuck them up they're done they're done no more of them i was
like and if you have them over here and you don't fuck them up i'm gonna fuck you up like fuck them
up when you see them on site and uh that went on for years and then like i think very recently like
a month ago they got caught um they broke into a house
and the people had cameras they were on vacation and the people are like in fucking hawaii watching
these cocksuckers rob their home and they're like 9-1-1 yeah there's two fucking cocksuckers
robbing my house and they're like all right we'll go get them and they fucking pulled up and caught
them in the act and they're so fucked now and i'm so happy but i'm i'm so mad about those goddamn ladders i'm so mad about those goddamn
ladders that is like you know you know how they say like what is it there's a couple ways of saying
like buy it nice or buy it twice yeah when i bought those ladders i was buying it nice
i didn't know you're buying it twice i never in my life expected to need another fucking ladder when I bought those ladders.
Because I remember being like, fuck, really?
Well, you didn't anticipate those two hoodlums robbing you blind.
Yeah, and those motherfuckers probably sold them for like $100 or something to some pawn shop or something.
Real upsetting.
I don't like that.
Don't like that.
That made me angry.
Best thing I can think of recently i got probably angry is
not the right thing i got very mad at myself when i accidentally stabbed myself on that piece of
equipment i just was like mad at myself and felt really stupid and was like angry that i ruined my
workouts for a couple weeks but that was more of you know how what did you do between i was helping
move a big box with a metal piece that was jagged sticking
off uh helping the ups guy get it up into my garage big giant box it was a it's a leg press
machine and i pulled to help him get it off of his pallet jack he put it on there wrong and i
accidentally stabbed myself in my right forearm and very very deep i could see like my meat and
everything and it was bleeding a huge amount.
It was the worst I've ever cut myself.
Yes.
It was impressive meat.
And yeah, I was mad at myself for that because it wasn't like it was date.
Like, you know, if I were a smaller man, I could have just cut my whole arm off.
Thank God I'm so massive.
I do a bunch of armrest carries for my forearms.
But yeah, I was just mad at myself for like the week following.
Cause it'd be like, oh, I'm going to work.
No, you're not idiot.
Dumbass. but yeah i was just mad at myself for like the week following because i'd be like oh i'm gonna work no you're not idiot dumb ass like because you had to get down there and like a ape just throw your body around it and pull because you felt bad because the ups guy's still standing
there and it's you know you're not thinking at the time like this is his fault for fucking up
the pallet jack at the time i'm like i'm wasting this guy's time he's up in my garage let's get
this done and then in retrospect afterward just looking back like you fucking idiot time he's up in my garage let's get this done and then in retrospect after
just looking back like you fucking idiot also he's on the clock like he's like my ups guy's so chill
i hate feeling rude to people like i want to expedite it the first fedex guy because i've
been working with them a lot this week like with getting that titan equipment back to them um for
those don't know i bought a whole like assisted dip a whole assisted dip pull-up machine thing.
Sick.
Looks very nice.
You guys building gyms?
Everyone's building gyms?
Yeah.
Everybody's got gyms.
I'm a transfer.
My gym's done because it's tiny.
Woody has an excellent gym.
Woody has an excellent gym with literally –
he's still going to have the best gym out of all of us when we're all done
because he's got that $6,000 or $7,000 trainer
and that thing is awesome.
And then what
kind of cage or whatever do you have?
It's not impressive.
It might be X Mark
or something. It's just a 2x3 inch
power rack
but it does what I want and it has the right attachments.
I'm halfway considering getting one of the ones
that bolts to the wall to get that extra little bit
of room saving. I just don't know if it's worth
a high value.
I don't see you and shit being set up.
I want to walk up to it and use it.
I totally understand that.
I would be annoyed. I have to set up my little gym.
I have to unhook the little
banisters or whatever, the posts, and move it out
and reset it.
I'm not thinking of the one that folds up, although those are sick like that's the one i think if you want to park your
car in the garage if yeah yeah of course sorry interrupted of course yeah but but like um i was
thinking of the ones that just like instead of back posts it's mounted to the to your wall
but it's a it's a it's a standard like cage it's just saving you i don't know some amount of space
i thought about upgrading my i guess you call it a
squat rack that whole four post power rack thing a bunch of times but i just like mine it's not good
like it's not like it would be impressive if i if you guys saw it but it's more than strong enough
for my weak ass yeah i really like the pull-up bar it does every grip you can imagine and it's
the right diameter i'm kind of choosy about pull-up bars and this one i like and uh my dip machine is just two posts that go on the side of the rack
so it takes up as much room as like a microphone like it and i value that everybody everything's
so overbuilt um i was looking at reviews for for different um cages and one of them was like the
con the con for this one was if you're lifting more
than 700 pounds regularly this just can't handle it and i was just like who what okay so the mountain
can't use this rack but everyone else can't be clear 700 pounds at once or all together all
together at once you ever look at how much weight you move through a workout it's
like 10 or 20 000 pounds it must be a lot yeah it's gotta be a lot yeah i never really thought
about that it's it's i never thought about that either that's cool it's always over 10 000 pounds
like like 10 15 000 like just off the top of my head you know but if you're i'm sure it's it's uh
it's a lot of weight that you're if you visualize like moving that building that like mountain
that's kind of cool but some of these like power racks you're right they visualize like moving that building that like mountain that's kind of
cool that some of these like power racks you're right they are so over the one i have is overbuilt
to shit it's three by three which is too much but apparently all the attachments are made for that
it's like i was gonna say it's like buying like a lamborghini for like a daily driver but like
like genuinely it's like saying the lamborghini isn't enough and you need a car that can go 410
miles and like there's no way an hour. There's no way
to use it. There's no way to ever even use
a third of its max capacity
in any way of your life ever, no matter
what happens. But do you want it? Because that's
all we're offering. Because it's this or something
made of paper mache.
I think I'm going to get a smaller
rack. I'm going to get
maybe the
little Titan one, whatever that is. I'm going to see what Coop the two by two the little titan one like whatever that is
i'm gonna see what coop says is the best one and get that one because you haven't bought your new
rack yet no because i'm not my advice when you buy your rack also plan out your plate storage
because sometimes the rack does that and you might like a six post rack that does your plate storage
or you might like trees that stand independently.
Just figure out what you want and plan ahead.
Yeah.
Right now I've got three sets of weights, two sets of bumpers and a set of irons.
And they're just kind of cool sitting where they are most of the time.
Are they leaning against the wall?
They're all on machines.
They're all on machines or on barbells.
And I really don't need to manipulate them too much to get where I want to be on any given exercise.
But yeah, I would like some storage because I'm probably going to buy even more plates at some point.
I really want some 55s because I think they look cool.
You're going to look cool in your home gym?
Yeah. uh and you're gonna look cool in your home gym yeah i do some of the gayest warm-up exercises i look ready to be penetrated
i do like yeah i do those i'll do that like home gym also i'll go like on all fours on my hands
and knees and i'll do that like dog pissing exercise that you'll see like hot chicks do.
Like I did that a lot training for boxing.
Like, and I was like, I would never do this at the gym, bro.
No.
I do a similar thing.
You said they kick my leg straight out instead of.
Yeah.
All that.
I do both of those.
And like, I just do a lot of that stuff.
Do you have your booty bands on when you do it?
Yes.
I don't want, I don't need some guy.
I bought booty bands.
I'm just begging for it bro no i i
always see girls at the gym they they put those like bands around their butt and their thighs
for when they do squats you know make them and like you know like like flare their knees out
leg day is just thigh master and shake weights i bought some of those bands i mean i think
tonight's uh tonight's pull but tomorrow i'm doing i'm doing legs i'm gonna i'm gonna throw
those bands on when i do squats i really like that titan um safety squat bar i like having
and you can really the weight is so far back it's not as what i really wanted was a mars bar
but that's a 700 candy bar it's i can get those for like one buck. Yeah, they have it at the gas station near me. What is a Mars bar?
Mars bar is... Taylor, just matter of factly...
It's a really high-end safety squat bar.
Can you show us that?
The Mars bar?
I've never even heard of Mars.
Does it buy a legal?
It's cool.
I don't recall who makes it.
I've just looked at it a few times.
It's Mars with two R, like Mars dash bar. Oh, it few times it's mars with two r like mars dash bar
oh it looks like it's from titan fitness yeah eight hundred dollars from titan fitness eight
hundred dollars yeah it looks like this doesn't look much better than their regular safety squat
bar it's uh i think it's putting the load even further down your back and letting it i think a
lot of people struggle keeping their spine straight. I do not bending too much.
I mean, you're going to bend some,
I think you're supposed to do my best.
I have sent videos of my squats to people and they said it was okay,
but I still feel like they all want you to lift with your back really
vertically.
Like,
how do I not fall over backwards?
Like I have to lean forward to get over my feet a little bit.
Oh,
well you're,
if you're over your,
you want to be like over your feet anyway, it sounds like you're doing fine. my feet a little bit. Oh, well, if you want to be over your feet anyway,
it sounds like you're doing fine.
And people are built different anyway.
People have different hip flexibility and stuff.
Whatever feels right is what should be.
I have outwardly flaring femurs.
Really?
My squats just look fucking weird.
Yeah, like my feet have to point outwards.
Do you do sumo squats?
Exactly.
Sumo squats help me much more than anything else.
Yeah. I feel better with sumo squats. Mine. Sumo squats help me much more than anything else. Yeah.
I feel better with sumo squats.
Mine are more inwardly facing, if anything.
I need my toes pointed pretty far out to feel comfortable in a squatting position.
Same with deadlifts.
You ever watch Knees Over Toes on YouTube?
Yeah, I'll talk.
That guy's sick.
You should watch, what's that, Bulletproof Silver or something?
There's some guy.
No, it's Bulletproof Back.
It's that guy.
He has all those videos about how to bulletproof your back,
and he's doing crazy hyperextensions.
And he's like, you think my hyperextensions are cool?
This is Brett.
He's a personal trainer to the stars.
Brett's like 6'5 or something, but sculpted like a 6-foot-tall man.
Somehow his proportions are right.
He throws on a barbell with maybe plates on either side,
maybe 45s, 135 pounds on his squatting sort of thing.
And then he does hyperextensions with that.
His legs and thighs are locked in,
and he's going full down and full up.
Like good mornings, I think they're called?
Yeah, but he's not standing.
He's locked into the machine, so he's at an extreme angle. He's in one of those hyperextension
machines, so he's bending down
at the waist fully, and he's coming
all the way back to a wrecked spine.
It's painful. And he can hold
it back there. He's like, yeah, these are pretty extreme.
And he just cranks them out.
He cranks out like eight more or something.
It's absurd. It made me want to get a hyperextension
machine and start cranking them out. I mightanks out like eight more or something. It's absurd. It made me want to get a hyperextension machine to start cranking them out.
I might have room for
one more machine. Two and I would
ruin my gym. One is a maybe.
What's the one machine
that you really want to add?
And then we got to do advertisements.
Okay. I don't know.
Lat pull down
is a thing I can't do very well right now because it really needs the seat and the leg locked down. I don't know. Lat pull-down is a thing I can't do very well right now
because it really needs the seat and the leg locked down.
I have machines that I can pull down on with a cable,
but without the proper seat, it sucks.
A pec deck, I've got the cable that gets you pretty close,
but an actual pec deck that you pull with your elbows is pretty sweet.
I don't have that.
Oh, I thought about the leg machine where there's something where you do
extensions and curls and then the same machine can do both it's a nice efficient use of space
700 bucks that one comes to mind those are the three that are the most tempting for me
we're on the exact same page then i have one of those i like it a lot because the things i like
i really i really like the the peck deck i, I don't like the thing I just bought for like $300.
It's okay, but it's not great.
I really want a good, smooth pack deck with the rear delt thing.
And I think it's just going to be an expensive piece of equipment.
That Titan one I have works great.
I don't like the rear delt as much.
I like the fly one very much.
It was like $500.
That's how i initially injured
myself uh like last year was doing rear delt stuff um so i mostly do um stuff with dumbbells
now for rear delts and i feel like that's so much safer than than a machine sort of like locking you
into a i don't know for some reason like the the lock-in on the chest fly side it feels very
natural and very good and the lock-in on the rear delt feels very weird inside yeah my like my joints not like hooked up right for for like that
it's it's like positioned for pulling instead of pushing and it doesn't want to do it just right
and it kind of yeah i know my shoulders like aren't supposed to pop as i'm doing it mine pop
too yeah but then when if i do face pulls or something else, I don't get that.
Yeah, I love face pulls.
All right, you should do ads.
Yes.
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it should have been on my on my trunks i i imagine the break rooms at blue chew have just like
free dispensers of tadalafil and privacy privacy. I should have had lock and load on my
trunks.
That would have been nice.
We didn't know that was an option.
Missed opportunity.
I should have invested in lock and load.
How much would it
have cost for you to paint your body?
Is this lock and load?
But we want lots of cum stains.
I have cum splatter short design.
No, you literally, we're going to
drip some goo on you before you go out.
There's going to be actual fake jizz.
Or if it just looked like realistic
cum stains on my shorts.
Yeah.
We're going to need it on your back as well.
If like...
Just a puddle between your l guess lats what is the muscles that make
up like next to your spine lats yeah yeah your lats even in the middle there okay rhomboids i
don't know but they'd be covered like that diamond under your traps right that is your traps also
before next to your lats what is that that like i'm thinking your lower back that's where it
would land.
I don't know. The propulsion's good.
Yeah, if the person's taking lock and load, it's going to land all
over that back.
You're going to hit all
the muscle groups.
You're going to hit all the muscle groups. Anyway, I forgot.
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This is what I did while I was on probation.
He just beat off.
And tested outcomes.
Someone watching this episode, buy me lock and load.
Hit me up on Twitter and buy me a bottle.
We should just send him a bottle.
We should be able to send him a bottle.
I ask every time and I never get a bottle.
Audience, I'm asking you.
Someone buy me a lock and load.
The problem is no one's exactly
in charge of that.
All three of us are like, yeah, Harley should have a bottle
of lock and load.
The show ends and we're like, alright,
I'm going to go to bed.
I sit there every
night after PKA.
I lie in bed and I get furious at my small unload and my lack of PKA Christmas sweater.
Those ones legitimately sold out.
We didn't have any more Christmas sweaters.
We didn't.
We didn't.
No.
We don't have any silverback size anyway i guess we messaged that like that guy at uh at
derrick's company and uh maybe give him harley's address and he'd just mail him one yeah let's hit
him up he's been like g fuel can i can i design my own flavor of lock and load that's that's coming
soon i i i literally know how to do that um it's to be an unhealthy amount of bromelain. The idea that Kyle pitched
last week was amazing.
I've told people in real life about it. I'm so excited.
It's a secret.
We can get it
rolling soon.
Do you remember what it was?
You look like you were confused.
I'll write both things.
Put them both in the notebook.
Those are good ones.
I like that idea.
See? Harley liked it. It. Yeah. Those are good ones. I like that idea. Yeah.
See,
Harley liked it.
Brilliant.
See,
that's a joke that everyone can love.
Yeah.
Mostly,
mostly men,
18 to 35.
You know,
if we're looking at the actual demos of this program,
you have to know about the PKA cum lore.
Come on,
Taylor.
It's a little more niche than that.
Okay. Only males, Taylor. It's a little more niche than that. Okay.
Only males 18 to 35.
And a significant amount of trans people, it would seem.
I know whenever we have our hangout,
they are overly represented, it would seem.
Yeah.
I think maybe they just want to...
I think they're just more likely to have a
camera set up for some reason everybody in those chats has a good camera that took me a second
yeah almost well not everybody has a camera like i just disable the thing so that i can't see the
boxes that are just somebody's like avatar or whatever if they don't have the camera so you
don't even i don't even see them anymore But usually like 20 out of the 25 have cameras, I would say.
It's always a good time.
Someone gets screamed at invariably.
By who?
By one of us.
By one of us.
That's a charitable way to put that.
One of us.
I screamed at somebody last.
I screamed at two people last week.
Did you?
I called a handicapped person a freak to his face.
And then later on, somebody else was interrupting me.
And I screamed at them and told them all to shut the fuck up.
That I'd had enough of listening to them.
And that none of them had any social skills.
I did forget about that.
Yeah, I just had enough of it.
It had been like three or four fucking hours of it.
And it was just like, I'm not even... You ask me a question and i try to answer it and then three of you interrupt me and i
i'm like okay well i'll just hush and then you ask me the question again i try and this repeats
like over and over and i'm just tired of hushing and at some point i'm like you know you you paid
to like come talk to me right like the fuck are we doing here yeah i like the hangouts i think they're
funny i love the hangouts um and woody will woody always screams at somebody i it's like all but
guaranteed i don't scream i just talk sternly to them yeah yeah you you hand out the mutes and
and fuck he's like he's like who did that? I'll fix them quick.
And you see, like, everybody, nobody knows exactly what was done.
So everybody's scared now.
Here's what happens.
Like, someone will get into, like, a heartfelt story or just, like, have the floor.
And we're all riveted to it. And then some other fucking, fucking social skill idiot will start like wrapping christmas
presents in the background and it's like i'm on it guys who is it who is it did you spot it
you know or some asshole will be like driving a tractor mowing his yard during the hangout or
whatever and it's like like you need to be silenced why do you think you can do there's a 25 person
conference call.
Have you not done this at work?
Have you not done this at school?
Shut the fuck up.
Be quiet.
We all have to listen to your background noise.
I am the deliverer of server mutes,
and it is a job that is appreciated,
mocked by you,
but appreciated by the rest of the fan base.
It's the only way things can get done in a, in a, in a call like that to be.
And it's not like it's chaos the whole time.
Don't imagine 20 people just talking over each other.
It's,
but it'll be exactly what would he describe?
Someone will be talking about fighting cancer or they'll be talking about how,
like,
you know,
like, like,
like had to kill somebody in the war or something,
you know,
it'll be like a heartfelt thing that like 99% of the people who are present like oh cool a thing is happening let's listen to this guy and then somebody pops in
who wasn't paying attention and they're like i've got hemorrhoids hemorrhoids in the morning when i
wake from my sleep what's up boys what's up it's often an attention seeker right like like you know
this guy has the floor and he's talking about like how
he got hurt or this guy has the floor and he's talking about or maybe just be an entertaining
story and then someone else wants to make it about them and it's like yep you need to be quieted i i
did think that was really funny this past month's hangout when that one guy who was like in a
tractor like taking care of his farm he mixed himself up on when he was muted and when he wasn't.
And he apparently was muted,
like sitting in his tractor quietly,
like thinking we were ignoring him for like 20 minutes.
And then he got tired of it,
unmuted himself and promptly started mowing.
All we got was out of nowhere.
And they're like,
dude,
what the fuck?
He's like,
talk to me the whole time. it's like you just unmuted
i resound of a fucking giant diesel engine i i don't know if you guys get many dms from from
the guys in the in the 50 discord but i get so many of people who have gotten like fit
over the last year there's a lot of them yeah that are sending me their like their uh their
own little garage gyms and stuff. And it's really cool.
They'll be like, all I've got is like 400 pounds of dumbbells,
a bench press, a squat rack, a barbell, and some plates.
I'm like, yeah, you can become Mr. Olympia.
You got it all.
Good.
You don't need anything else, really.
Not really.
And some of those guys are just like, oh, what else do you do with your day?
It's like, well, I became a multi, multi,
multi crypto millionaire when I was 20.
So I'm working at Waffle House.
Yeah.
So I put it all in Luna and now I'm destitute.
Dude, I feel so awful.
How is Luna?
So crazy.
Is Luna at zero?
I saw, we talked about last week, KSI, right?
Didn't he lose
like millions 23 million or something
my friend bought 100
it was a 2.9 million I thought it was like that
like 2.8 let's go with yours I'm not very confident
a lot of millions
my friend bought $110
worth of it and he's like a week ago
this was $650,000
worth I wonder if he's up
or down
he was instantly up 40%,
but that's like 50 bucks, so who cares?
But I wonder how he's like...
No, he's not made anything.
Are you sure?
I've never seen a line just fully flat.
But he bought it at the flat, I think.
Oh.
I don't know.
Negative 100%. Oof. Yeah, I'm looking at the same thing. oh i don't know that negative 100 percent
yeah i'm looking at the same thing that's oh i like that i like that
look he caught the bump
at point zero zero zero one three four cents down to this is uh this is this is really sad. You know, like I can't imagine that we were talking last week about this maybe,
and it was like this is when you have that scenario when it's like at the end of a mob movie or something
when they're packing up all the rich people's shit.
They're taking his multiple grand pianos.
They're getting wheeled out by repo men.
That's happening to a lot of people because of this in particular.
That's wild. It's fucked up. by repo men that's happening to a lot of people because of this in particular that's yeah that's
wild it's fucked up so i don't understand enough to know why it failed do you i just wouldn't put
my house up i wouldn't put my house up to buy that that's gambling like yeah like it's really
risky some people that were like i'm losing my house it's like well shit man i know you know now but you
should have never done that like and it's stupid to say but like i've always said i've always like
you know i've always liked crypto and i have put a whole bunch of money in crypto and i stress out
thinking about it as i'm like if i sell it now it'll be pretty good it'll be pretty good but i
have it in my head just a make-believe number to wait until and i uh i never did that with money that i couldn't afford to completely lose
and i feel bad that people risk like and gambled their whole house because i saw
i went through the subreddit and i was like bad tripping for them i was like that's crazy man
who's around you who's your support system yeah I even saw some people's tweets. They were like, my wife told me not to,
but she doesn't get it to the moon.
It's like a month ago.
Yeah, and I'm like, oh, fuck.
I know it is.
It's just funny in this instance.
And also because it's Luna.
Dude, it was the exact argument chain you're talking about, Harley.
Oh, yeah, you saw it?
Yeah, where it was a guy.
It was from like two
months ago when it was like this was riding high i guess and he was like just put another 40k in
here wife doesn't know about it yet haha and everyone that comments is like me too 16 grand
more wives don't get it and it's like team never tell your wife about your cryptocurrency spending.
I would wager that team never tell your wife is still going strong this week.
They're like diamond hands.
Never tell.
Are you ever going to tell?
No, I'm taking it right to the grave next week.
And then like the tweets from after it was coming out,
people being like, I can't believe this is happening.
I've lost everything.
I've had $32 million and it's now worth 97 cents.
Like that level of change.
It's just insane.
It's scary.
Like I can't, like I get what you're saying, Harley,
but I see why people would be tempted because like and i saw other people like online being like i would i put in
like 10 grand in luna and i don't know to keep holding this like as it was falling i'd be happy
with like a 2x return and it's like then you've never invested anything dude like you'd be happy
with a 2x return on something you put in two weeks ago
like if that was your mindset going into this like you've been doomed from the start man that's
that's risky people go no i feel like a crypto idiot right i'm convinced they're all going to
do this they're all worthless non-money not backed by anything only have value because someone else
will pay more and it's easy to say that right now during the dip maybe a smarter man would be buying right now i don't know like i i've obviously lost
opportunities to make a ton of money in crypto by staying away from it i've lost opportunities
to lose a ton of money too well i was a firm believer that like the people that made big money off bitcoin like i was like you kind of had to be like a crazy asshole
or like you got lucky and forgot you had it for an extended period of time because if you bought
bitcoin for a dollar and you had like a hundred and it went up to a thousand dollars you're kind
of fucked up if you didn't sell it then like if it
would if you bought it for a dollar you can get a hundred thousand dollars and it was like literally
cost you like 10 bucks and you don't take the hundred thousand dollars it's like bro are you
crazy are you a crazy person but maybe you weren't maybe you forgot maybe you lost your hard drive
maybe but i feel like a lot of the big Bitcoin winners
are just people that are like, oh, shit, I still have that?
What?
Is it still possible to be a big Bitcoin winner?
This is a very volatile thing that goes wildly up and wildly down.
And is it $30,000 right now?
Can you make a lot of money buying Bitcoin at $30,000?
Yeah.
No idea. Yeah, you have to put your money where
your mouth is because the answer is yes right like i'm so sure that it's going to go up to 50 again
but not sure enough apparently to go through the trouble of buying some right now that's funny
that's how everyone is i feel like bitcoin goes up to 500k and then bitcoin goes up to a million
zach says that it's also i'm the i have to say
i'm the bacon idiot i don't know jack don't listen to me double or triple with the confidence that
only a dude in his 20 has i i knew what was what stocks and bonds were going to do when i was in
my 20s as well uh now i know a lot more and apparently less i uh yeah what's a good good
week for the market in general, huh?
I haven't been watching. I don't pay attention to that
much. It's getting smashed, right?
Yeah, real bad. Like lost a percent
or something today? A percent and a
quarter or something total? A percent is like the start
of notable to me.
It was over a percent.
It lost
actually half a percent today.
Why don't you buy a1,000 of Bitcoin?
I don't know.
What?
Why don't you buy $1,000 of Bitcoin?
I would want a whole one.
I know.
That's the feeling, right?
Yeah.
I'm going to tell people I'm into Bitcoin and I bought $1,000 of it in 2022.
I'm kind of a Bitcoin guy.
I've got 1 30th of a Bitcoin.
0.0000001
Bitcoin.
You know what I really want? I know the
whole point is that it's cryptocurrency
and it's not tangible. I want a fucking
Bitcoin though.
I want a fucking gold medallion
that has whatever that number
is fucking engraved on it. Whatever the number you need to access it. I want a fucking gold medallion that has whatever that number is fucking engraved on it.
Yeah.
Whatever the number you need to access it.
I want that.
That would be so sick.
That would be cool.
With the Bitcoin symbol on it and make it like a gold ounce.
So it's worth it.
Put it on a chain if you ever box like Logan Paul did with the Pokemon card.
Yeah.
Come out with your Bitcoins.
Put it in a crib.
Little Bitcoins on your necklace. What was the story with the Pokemon card. You come out with your bitcoins, literal bitcoins on your necklace.
What was the story with the Pokemon card?
He came out with a rare,
like a perfect Charizard
that was worth two and a half million dollars or something.
Really?
More expensive than any other piece of jewelry.
I like that in a mocking way.
Because typically we're like big chains
and shit.
He also loves Pokemon though clearly yeah he's got a two million dollar card oh man
you know you could say whatever you want about like uh the whole youtube boxing thing but him
going to wrestlemania and beating ray mysterio jr is like to me just as crazy as him boxing
floyd mayweather like a wrestlemania appearance and he
fucking killed it i don't know if you guys watched his wrestling match he was hands down one of the
best celebrity wrestlers ever he like did it like he fully did it like he was an excellent wrestler
like and he's an incredible amateur wrestler which yeah it really it really blew my mind
seeing him in the wwe like he was just so good at it he's just he's one
of those guys he's just like this is like an insatiable person right this guy's never gonna
fill the void that he needs to fill of success he's gonna have to be president he will run for
president he'll probably end up being president in like like 12 years and you're gonna like be
like guys like to your kid or whatever you you're like, this is so fucking weird. This should have never been the timeline.
This is where Logan Paul and I are wildly different.
I ran a Minecraft server for a few years and fucked off.
Just started flying my lawn chair.
Yeah.
Just all the checked out of society.
I feel that with a lot of creators you know like i see like
foozy tube i see him out there and he's like doing all these things and like trying i'm like bro
can i should just be happy having done it like sometimes i'm like streaming to like
fucking like a hundred people at like 3 a.m stoned off my ass and someone's like
at like 3 a.m stoned off my ass and someone's like what happened epic meal time bro you gotta do that again i'm like what i gotta do it again what are you talking about why didn't you think
of that do it again he's like yeah bro you gotta bring it back i'm like i gotta bring a top five
most subscribed channel again why can't i just be happy that that was ever a thing why do i have to
go back don't be sad that
it's over be happy that it happened did you reach top five yeah at one point i was like fifth most
subscribed on youtube but that's but that was before the vivo days and like the celebrity days
and the late night show days like ellen wasn't there fucking it up for us i think i was nine
i got to ninth you got to ninth i i um
there was a web page vid stats i don't even know if it's yeah i remember that and it listed
and i badly wanted to be a top 100 channel and um like will of dc used to do this thing about
channels that made it in and out of the top 100. And I wanted
to be on his show. I don't know why.
It's not that big an honor for Will of DC to
say your name. You guys, I'm sure, have been mentioned by him
constantly. But I got
to 105th. That's where I peaked
out. I never made the top 100, but
I was close.
I wanted to hit the
one that was most subscribers gained
in a day. You wanted to see that fucking bar where it was 500 subs an hour.
Fucking boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
We had the craziest sub day ever.
We went all over the internet for hours being like, where did this come from?
It was like 27,000 subs in a day or something.
And we were like, where did that come from yeah we were like
on reddit typing in epic mealtime we were like just trying to find out what it was i never found
out the biggest sub day never heard who mentioned us or what it was or where it came from or if just
youtube like pushed us to a shit ton of people no idea but it was really weird never the algorithm
would be so weird like like it it could have like just locked you onto the homepage of like Bolivia for
like 36 hours or something.
Yeah.
Like every Bolivian is like,
I guess we're into bacon now.
I don't know.
Yeah.
It was good.
I had,
um,
I had like two good days in a row and the day combined for like 30 grand
or something like that.
It was a lot of subs by my standards.
And what happened was modern warfare two dropped and i bought the game early and had a bunch of videos like i had one of the first chopper gunners i i was like the first guy on youtube
to park a chopper gunner on nuketown and just like wreck people and i got it out of a uh care
package that wings of redemption gave me and You owe everything you have to that man.
I owe everything to him.
Black Ops 1.
Zach is right.
I made a mistake.
It was Black Ops 1.
I bought that.
Dude, people were mocking me.
I paid $500 to get Black Ops 1 early.
And they're like, fucking idiot and this and that.
And I'm like, you guys just don't understand investing in your own business, you fucking business fucking jackasses.
Meanwhile, I'm picking up like 30 30 000 subs in the next two days would you pay 500 for that back in 2011 you would companies pay way more than that way more than that look what cnn paid
yeah right and then uh and then the next video was like my shucks you i did this musical thing
about um noob tubes and uh and that went
bonkers too both of them like million view videos and uh it was mostly because i i i had some good
timing and uh thanks wings yeah i remember that you had uh you had such a good like rollout of
videos it was like every four hours or something yeah you had it and you you had the stuff that
like people wanted to see you yeah that was the first year they added like some bullshit third
game mode where you were like i don't know some sort of 2d arcade nonsense and i showed you how
to get there show you how to get there too and like and that video you know three or four thousand
views like i advised everyone to run ghost and it was good advice. I, I like, I had been playing the game for 10 days or something.
And I,
I,
Hey,
you want to know what class is going to help you start early in this
thing?
Here you go.
Yeah.
You crushed that.
Yeah.
That was always important.
Like,
like having that content to like roll out and getting it as fast as
possible.
That's,
that's one of the reasons why like the better players often had such an
advantage because they can get a gameplay so quickly that might take me two days of grinding and being frustrated to even
approach.
But you know,
yeah,
you know,
I remember that was the guy that figured out if you run the radar in
colorblind mode,
it shows you where stealth bombers are coming from.
Yeah.
Maybe so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like that was the kind of shit I had on my channel.
And then it helped people.
Yeah. And the community was so small back then that like it was easy to like get word of mouth out that woody's got good videos though and and you just you just had like the whole community
watching your stuff yeah that was great yeah it was it was fun it it beats real work see that's
the sort of thing that if I had owned Machinima,
that would have been my priority.
Machinima directors are getting this game early.
They're going to... That should have been...
That should have been like...
If they spent $10 million on that Mortal Kombat bullshit TV show
that nobody watched and nobody remembers,
if they'd taken that money and bribed game companies
to get 15 of their directors in
to play their Call of Duty a week or two early like like they'd be it's it's so much money they'd make from that
on top of that activision should be happy right nowadays they're a little smarter at the time
they were like i don't know this is kind of our content we letting youtubers upload our game you
know i want to say nintendo is still assholes like that i'm not sure though um but a smart gaming company now they pay like they will the shroud gets paid to play
a game on release date oh yeah if if i own like the next call of duty i would i would love it if
all the youtubers uploaded videos of it yeah i mean, that's, that's such a clear business path to like making your company a gigantic
entity in the whole space to like a machinima.
What machinima really needed to do was get into game development.
Maybe if they had made their own game and then like,
Hey guys,
you get a $5 CPM when you play our,
our game.
Wait a minute.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Best game ever.
Yeah.
Every scene enters would be like,
everyone really needs to
buy this game and you know it would have it would have been another like minecraft type thing you
could manipulate the market however you wanted and it wouldn't be it's not dirty you're just
showing it's advertising your product yeah yeah they're all just like back in the day
when i moved to la like i remember there wasn't like
i didn't know what i wanted to do with my time or like i didn't have like
a lot of friends there like other than like my buddies and i used to like go to machinima
because like they just like you know liked me they wanted me to sign they wanted epic
mealtime a part of it even though i was already with the management so like i would go to like machinima and like wander around and like hang out and go to the
back where they had all these xboxes and like i'd be like playing games they had like a million
games there and like other youtubers would like come in that i knew and i'd be like what's up
and like hang around and then eventually someone come be like bro like do you want us to order you
pizzas or something i'd be like yeah sure man and i would just like chill at machinima and i went like
multiple times and just hung out there because they had like sick gamer chairs and like a sick
ass tv and like sick ass games and weird like tchotchkes and shit and i would like hang out
there like a weird lost soul but like everyone was so happy to be there because it's like
a huge youtube channel they're like yo epic meal happy to be there. Cause it's like a huge YouTube channel.
And they're like,
yo,
I pick me all times here.
What's he doing?
He's just fucking in the back playing modern warfare too.
And I'd like sit there playing like spec ops mode.
Like I remember like eating edibles and like some like adult would come over
and be like,
Hey big guy,
you want a pizza?
I'd be like,
yeah.
And then they'd like order pizza.
And like,
I don't know what they did there.
I don't know. Nothing, man. It was fucking fucking weird there were so many people not doing anything there was so
much wasted money it was insane so much wasted money like i only went in there once um whenever
they wanted to i just told them i didn't want to come back out there they usually pizza they
ordered me was your pizza they ordered it you ordered it for me oh is that what it was uh just by i'm sure there was
like like some of it had to be your dollars oh oh you know like your success that may have been why
there were so many people not working it's possible um i never saw i went in there one
time and like toured the place and it reminded me um in the office when they bring the people
from the other branch in and michael scott has these gift
bags for them full of like pencils and coupons like they gave me this big gift bag full of
bullshit it was like here's a sticker to put on your xbox 360 and it was like i got
thanks bro that'll be a weird transformers t-shirt that's not the right size and it's like the last
transformers too it's yeah dark planet or
some shit it just just a bunch of lame shit in a bag squishy like annoying or stress ball or
something and machinima they hated me i think what happened so x jaws and i talked and we were like
we should be getting back we should be getting paid more right and and we went to machinima
and we negotiated higher rates,
not the highest rates, by the way. I can name a couple of people who earned more than me,
but I did get a higher rate than I used to. And so did everyone else. Everybody's rates went up
and they were just criminally underpaying people with their CPM i go there like two months later and some guy has a picture of
benedict arnold with my head cut out and put over his on his cube wall and uh it's like i get i don't
know what did they think i was disloyal to machinima or something i think that person
like somehow the bosses fucked him and like they probably took money out of his pocket
rather than the company money to pay you and they're like that's on you bro you fuck that up
i know they're having your picture on the wall they're like we should have asked hutch about
this because like maybe he would know something maybe he would know like was there a meeting where
they were like and then we've got this guy out there talking about everybody needs a little more money.
You know where that money is going to come from, don't you?
It's going to come from our video game and nacho fund.
Okay?
I wonder.
I would love to hear Hutch's tale.
Maybe he'd tell the tale because it's a dead company now, right?
It's all gone.
Yeah, I don't think he has any loyalties to them.
I don't know if he has the
Debois. I bet he's loyal to Mr.
Sark, but not to the
Debois. They're the people that own Mission Emma
for the listeners.
But yeah,
I don't know.
Why did they all hate me?
They treated me like nothing but...
Yeah, they treated you great.
They hated me. They loved me to death.
The devil was like me as far as I know.
I met with them sometimes.
I talked to them.
We had some meetings about things he didn't realize were important.
I was like, I want to be able to calculate my pay.
I hate that it's a surprise every month I earn because they did this stuff.
The CPMs were irregular.
You couldn't
tell what you were getting you did you didn't get paid for mobile but you did get paid for desktop
and it was weird you couldn't just look at how your channel did and know what you earned this
month now you can't but can't believe we didn't get paid for mobile ads back then right and i'm
like why aren't we getting mobile ads and it was like half the views but then there no mobile ads, and it was like half the views. But then there were mobile ads.
I told people to get off their phones.
I made it a thing, and they did.
It's probably not the topic for listeners,
but phones started getting ads,
and we didn't start getting paid for it.
And I'm like, why is that happening?
I love my viewers so much, those FPS Russia viewers,
because I would say stuff like,
Yeah, you're welcome.
They're not paying for you guys to watch
on your phones. So don't watch
on your phones, because this shit's expensive.
I would kind of spell that out.
I'd be like, hey,
I don't want your money.
I want you to click favorite, because we're about
to shoot $500 worth of Tannerite
that I spent 20 minutes
burying with a dumb hillbilly
who was dumb enough to wrap it up with me.
Here we go. And then I
literally make a mushroom cloud in the valley.
And it's like, yeah, he really did make
a mushroom cloud. I can click favorite.
That video got a quarter million
favorites.
That's so many favorites.
That day it did.
Who knows how many now?
Favorites was just like something FPS Russia was entitled to.
Every once in a while, I had, I don't know, maybe three favorited videos on the homepage ever.
But every one you made was there.
Kyle is almost...
Oh, FPS Russia hit almost a billion views.
That's a lot.
There's multiple channels too.
Kyle is almost, oh, oh, FUS Russia hit almost a billion views.
That's a lot.
Well, there's multiple channels too. But I would say with the favorites thing, like that was a spot on the homepage, right?
Most favorited video that day.
So getting that spot was just invaluable.
I needed that spot.
I wanted to be checkerboarded across your homepage as much as possible.
So what happens is you get most favorited video, you earn a spot.
And then you're like most viewed in whatever category animals.
And then there's just most viewed entirely.
And by getting on maybe the first two,
it enables the most viewed.
And,
but if,
if I,
if,
if as soon as I get enough views to be in a better category,
if I change the category of the video and refresh it,
I will in the, in about four hours from now pop up as the most viewed in a more advantageous category so i
can leapfrog from there were three tiers of categories that got different amounts of the
big ones were like entertainment and music and video and stuff like that and those got the big
thing but you had these smaller thumbnails that were like pets and animals and stuff but some of them had a better shuffle rate than others because they weren't all displayed
only like like three of them were displayed and you every time you're fresh you get a different
shuffle so it was more evident you could leapfrog up that board like people in blogs or something
would pop up there often yeah yeah or pets and animals was like a real easy one to go after because nobody was like running pets and animals like a business back then.
It was just some guy videoed his cat that day. And now that video's got 80.
It was usually miscategorization. Like we had Zach said, bless you.
We had a who was the black guy that made songs almost every day. He was real big early.
He was on this show.
He was in a Pepsi commercial.
Anyway, Pets and Animals.
The rain guy?
No, no, no.
That's Tay Zonday.
I forget his name.
But in any case, yeah, he came on the show and said, like, Pets and Animals is my category.
Tuesday is my day.
And for a time, it was.
Yeah.
I didn't care about the day if i had content it was going up
but um there was there was definitely a time or two where i uploaded on my primary and my
secondary channel at the same day and i and because of like me like tricking the algorithm
a little bit i was able to appear in two categories simultaneously for maybe four to six hours at a
time so the same video in multiple, like owning them at the same time
because of the way it worked.
And so you'd hit refresh
and like legitimately,
like 27% of the homepage was me
of just like YouTube's homepage
because I own so many of the categories.
And that was beautiful
when you could pull that.
You uploaded on a Sunday once
or a Monday or sunday and it was
a poppin video i forget what it was but it was such a poppin video that it was still on the
front page on tuesday and you were in entertainment so we were there and i remember we were all like
okay that's fine we'll just upload to comedy this week because we uploaded on tuesday and it was
like close to our day and you were still there and we're like well that's just pointless we're not going to go up against that like let's just
i more videos your videos even though like our views were similar your likes were so much higher
like people that didn't have youtube accounts watched us you had people making youtube accounts
and like them even white boy even like white boy seven street had like crazy likes and comments on his
videos and even though our views were more than during that time closer to yours but like the
engagement on your channel was too crazy we're like we got to upload to comedy see during that
time white boy and i were living together like collaborating at night all night long smoking
weed like like we were on my porch every night like talking about how to like not game the algorithm but just like
play the game but he showed video he showed video within his video of how to like and favorite a
video within the video and i was there and i remember being like there's no epic mealtime
way for us to do this how can we how can we tell our audience how to do this we don't we never told them to do that stuff and we were like how can we do that we're like we can't i envied it because like the rules were
different and harsher for me right if i so much as made money on purpose i'm a money whore my
comments said money whore so many times i bet whore is still banned on my comments like i was
that's so annoying because that's different now on YouTube.
Now you're allowed to make money.
People love when their YouTube creators are making money.
They're like, they have their own makeup line now.
Wow.
Let's all go buy it.
I'm back there.
You got your own makeup line.
You're supposed to just make videos and shut up.
Never make money.
I tried to foster like a community that that understood that like i've
never saw those people i don't like the word fans i always use the word viewers fans almost seems a
bit demeaning to me in some way like because whenever i meet someone who watches my shit
or anything like i treat those people like friends i've always tried to do that and like
reply to comments and treat people like i would want to be treated um i i still tried to do that and reply to comments and treat people like I would want to be treated.
I still try to do that as much as I can.
I was in traffic three days ago, and that guy's alongside me screaming,
FBS Russia!
He's screaming as always, have a nice day or some shit, careening down the highway.
That was a funny video.
I didn't know he was that extreme.
He was screaming. i lost him eventually
made a video okay i was just gonna say like early on i was i was like
wanted to be like transparent clearly hey man this this is kind of cool you guys realize i get
to play video games like these videos and then i get i get money if you guys just click buttons
so look i i should have
mentioned this when hutch was here because i bet he'd remember it i made this this call of duty
video one time um i don't remember if it was in the russian accent or or not i think maybe it was
where i i dual commed with myself so i'm doing both personas and i'm editing it so we're talking
over each other and laughing over each other and stuff and at the end of the video i i like sort of
like tongue-in-cheek alluded to the fact that I just edited this thing together, and it was a little annoying to make,
and I said something like, so just give me a favorite.
I know what you're thinking.
I know what you're thinking.
Everybody wants your favorites, but I really want your favorite.
When this video goes up, I'm going to be looking at the favorites,
refreshing over and over, and I'm going to be honest.
It makes me feel really good when that number goes up fast.
It's the best part of my day.
So please and thank you.
Favorite my video and make my day tomorrow awesome.
And look, I know what you're thinking.
You make content yourself.
Why would you favorite Kyle's video?
You don't even like me too much in real life.
Didn't I earn it today?
Didn't I earn your favorite, sir?
And Hutch was like, and God damn it, you did.
So I favorited it.
He favorited the video.
And back then, your favorites get shared.
So Hutch favorited my videos.
You know, a big deal.
I get a bunch of traffic coming in.
It was good.
I was always clear about that.
And none of what I just said is a lie.
It feels amazing watching that button go up really fast.
I felt like i couldn't
be clear i felt like if i played by the same rules everyone else does i would lose i had to
make money accidentally i guess on youtube that white boy i was trying to get out he told his
fans to make his channel their home page so every time they opened their browser he would get a view
on the autoplay and uh it's not bad it's not mean
it's not like i'm not dogging it but i knew that i couldn't do that i couldn't ask my fans to do
that i think that's one of my ideas that that we came up with and collaborated on i mean he may
have came up with independently but it would have been a fucking drama alert video about me if i did
that right away um so so i thought the background need to look cool and i wanted the the home video
to be the one that I,
I needed to like push over an edge.
If I thought that like 5 million view videos,
like got fed better by,
by the algorithm.
I was like,
this was 4,800,000 throw it on there for a week.
And it hits 5 million.
Like,
like you could,
you know,
he was,
he was talking about setting your browser's homepage.
Yes.
So every,
and,
and I would, I would tell them to leave it on.
I was like, hey, you can go to my playlist in the morning before you go to school.
Click that thing and let it play all day while you're at school.
I was like, why not?
Why not?
I mean, look, if you don't want to help me, that's cool.
But, hey, I'd love it if you click my playlist and let it play all day while you're at school every day.
Yeah, I remember you saying that and like regularly in videos in like 2011 yeah hey don't forget while you're at school start my
playlist i was like damn that's a good idea i wish i told people to do that i just wanted as many as
views as i could get and and i wanted to earn them and i wanted to beg for them and borrow them and
steal them i guess if i could from somebody else. But I never wanted to make shitty content.
When you got here, I wanted you to be like, I got something out of this.
I'm glad I got here.
I don't want to Rickroll you.
I just want to get you here.
It's hard to put butts in seats.
I'm glad that they fixed the homepage from what it was in the Wild West of 2010.
Because as someone who never
sniffed the fucking home page just like goofing around on my channel like just as a youtube viewer
like i pull up my home page and it's like okay i don't watch any video game stuff unless it's from
like a friend of mine like woody or kyle or you know people i know and it'll be nothing but white
boy content up there nothing but but give Xbox giveaways.
Remember that?
Remember how big of a thing that was for like an eight month thing where they were like,
leave a favorite on the video and you'll be entered in a competition to win.
Yeah.
You don't even know what they started giving fucking Xbox is a way while I was on vacation
in Seattle or Boston, i wasn't able to upload
and i was like they're gonna give away a game system they don't know who they're
fuck we're giving away cars starting next week we're gonna start giving cars away
and freddy w was like came down with the the the morality police and and he brought all of
his friends with him and shut everybody down from giving things away like shamed everybody and i was like all right if they're not gonna do it i
don't have to do it but but it was like a the nuclear option had been brought on the table
like you're gonna start giving away game systems and then like and what it was is i'm sure freddie
w didn't lost his home page slot to yeah a white boy seven street quickie or some shit yeah and meanwhile he probably had like
150 man hours minimum invested in editing or something in some cool vfx project so i get why
he's salty but but i was just about to come in there and i was like what i was like you can go
to a ford dealership and buy those like cheap cars for 10 12 000 we're going to give a
car away next week like no no sweat and then he everybody stopped so we need to we should have
been more hardcore how much more hardcore that's that's what they do now on youtube like a lot of
popular youtubers just give out cars now that's mr beast oh yeah i know you could have been mr beast yeah eight years before mr beast
i don't know if it would have i mean i don't know if it would have worked because it was like
there was youtube was lit youtube size and like how big your channel was limited by how much
traffic youtube was getting it just seems like it gets so much more traffic now like we had the
faucet you would have been we had the. Dude, we had the faucet turned
all the way open.
I'm convinced of it.
You go to houses and give them guns.
You give away
guns to people.
You're giving homeless people guns.
A social experiment.
You're talking about my other show, Bums Night Out.
Now that is a show that I brought up many times,
and I'm going to tell it again.
That's where you take – there's three homeless people featured on every episode.
We're talking about 22 minutes of television.
That's seven minutes for each guy.
True TV.
True TV.
Look at this.
I can make this
happen and keep in mind we're gonna all the cities all the cities you start in atlanta because trust
me right right for this bums night out you you have three homeless in each show okay you have
one guy you're gonna give them between one and ten thousand dollars i don't know which makes the
best show you're gonna say here sir here1,000 cash. You have to spend this tonight.
Okay?
This is your night out.
And have at it.
We're going to follow you around and do what you will.
By the way, we will provide a limousine and drinks and a couple of ladies who are going to hang out.
A homeless lady that you doll up.
We throw a few little things in because if you you just have them on the streets, nothing happens.
You've got to get them in a car.
And you've got to have a little bit of the night.
You need a violent one.
It's programmed.
Well, I figure that each episode, you have one guy who blows it.
Who goes to town, drugs and hookers and rock and roll or whatever his dream night is.
Put it in Luna.
He puts it in Luna.
I looked it up. My friend lost everything then you've got another guy another bum and he's smart right he immediately goes gets that gym
membership right like like so now he's got a shower and a locker and he's going to like
somewhere where like like i can get a suit for like 30 bucks or something and like he's going to somewhere where he can get a suit for $30 or something. He puts his life together.
You're going to have that feel-good story,
and then you're going to have the guy who dies of an overdose
30 minutes into his night out.
You're going to have a hard time finding a lot of number twos
to round out your first season.
Look, it's reality TV.
We can guide them through that.
That one looks like Taylor.
Have you noticed the successful homeless
guys are the same every week?
How has he not
lost weight?
That's a good show idea.
I think it'd be a lot of overdoses.
A huge amount of
fentanyl.
Guarantee one episode.
And you have Bums Night Out Atlanta and then we franchise. a huge amount of fentanyl. Guaranteed one an episode.
And you have Bum's Night Out Atlanta and then we franchise. Then we franchise.
Then we've got Bum's Night Out in Chicago. Just like the
Housewives series. You've got
the housewives of every
fucking... The real homeless of Atlanta.
Thank you. There you go.
That's the name of the
overarching umbrella of hobo
content. The real
hobos of Atlanta.
Yes, but you'd have
multiple shows featuring them.
I think there's lots of good things you could do
with the homeless. I think that
homeless-drawn rickshaw service
would be really big in this age
of electric scooters and stuff and everybody
zipping around. Nobody has cars.
That's a good idea. This could be mean-spirited,
but homeless cribs,
where they show you the box that they get fucked in every night
or whatever happens.
I love that so much.
I love homeless cribs.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Cribs, but only people who are actively mentally ill and homeless.
I know that you like syringes so we got
a syringe disposal station in the back of your pontiac oh is it that that's a completely different
show that's like pimp my box yeah that's a totally different show see this is all under the umbrella
okay we've got a whole network of shows can we have one guy to like be the guy? You need one personality to be the host of all of them, I think,
so you have some carryover familiarity.
And here's the big thing.
Once you've got two or three of these shows established,
you can have crossovers, right?
You can take the winner of Bums in Love
and throw him on to Bums Night Out.
And now that he's got a a a lady bum they can have a
night out together bums night out couple edition yes it's never how about how about bums night out
celebrity edition for the like like andy dick like for guys where like life is not going well
oh you'd have an episode you'd have one for like guys who have just like lost all their money in
crypto or something like that and they're new to being a homeless person.
Fresh bums.
Yes.
Fresh bums night out.
They're new no money.
New no money.
They're old no money.
Well, in any case, if any of the lesser known networks
would like to get in touch with us, we would be happy to produce this show.
Is Spike TV still a thing?
Throw us a bone, Spike TV.
No one knows if you're still around.
I don't think so.
I'm looking at you, True TV.
You just lost Joe.
Or the Outdoor Network.
We can frame things however you guys want us to.
Make it a cooking channel.
Anything.
I think it's a very conservative network.
HGTV, Homeless in Garden Television.
Homeless in the garden it's all about finding and eradicating the homeless living in your garden for like very rich white women it's it's like a how-to with like a posh british act we could we
could do like big fish out of water stories where we take a homeless guy from portland and show him
what life is like when you're homeless in Seattle, but it's the exact same.
It's a little windier here. Yeah, I guess.
What if we find a very wealthy family
who volunteer to have a homeless man hidden in their home while they're
away and they have like an hour to find him or
he gets the house.
Oh no.
Or he gets to live there for a month in the mass.
I like that better.
I don't,
you're going to have to add a little bit of an incentive for the,
the hide and seek family because they're not going to volunteer.
I like $50,000 to do it.
Right.
Oh yeah.
I can find a homeless guy in my house for 50 grand.
That's my biggest,
that's my biggest fear is that there's a,
is that like I'm out one day and like a homeless man jimmy's my window and then goes up in the hot
ass attic and he's just up there sweating the days away waiting on me to but he doesn't know
my seat schedule's fucked so i'm just always up and he's just up there dying starts to stink in
your house in a couple months there's a rotting homeless man up there. That's a bizarre thing to be afraid of.
Was there a movie that that happened in?
It happened in real life.
What's that movie? The calls coming from
inside the house? What's that called? Stranger
Calls or something? I watched that the other day.
It's not a good movie, but yeah.
He had
raped the children to death
or something while she was down there
worried about the fucking phone. Oh my god, that is not how i remember that movie yeah yeah like the whole time i thought
it banned out she's like having this whole like conversation with the guy over the phone and he's
like are you where i can't remember exactly but he's mocking her and like making it clear that
he can see her um but really he's been in the house the whole time he's already raped the
children to death and they're like a bloody muck of of like pulp up there and like when the cops finally arrived like
like you know that's the scene like like this was all happening like this all like he'd already
massacred the children before the family like went uh like had had been gone very long so like
really dropped the ball as a babysitter yeah Yeah. Didn't even check on the kids once.
That's what he kept telling her.
That's what he would say.
He would go, why haven't you checked
on the children?
Like he kept saying that.
Yeah.
I'm remembering it.
Parasite.
That was the Korean movie that
was award winning Korean movie.
And it's like
people just living in another person's house
kind of. Yeah.
Like in the walls and stuff.
It wasn't very scary though.
No, but it was fucking weird.
Yeah, it was weird.
It was weird bothersome vibes.
Yeah, it did have weird vibes. I liked when they just got
fucked up in the living room.
Like enjoying a little taste of the good life.
Have you seen Witch?
The Witch?
The one that looks like the witch?
Yeah, the witch.
Yeah, I've seen that.
I like that a lot.
I didn't see that.
Oh, it's excellent, dude.
It's like 1600s, and this guy gets banished from his religious community
for, I guess, going too hard in the paint for Jesus.
And him and his daughter, son, and him and like his like daughter, son and wife
are like super Puritan out in a field at the edge of the forest. And they think there's a witch in
the forest and they think the witch has stolen their, their baby. And it gets real creepy. It's,
it's very much like, um, um, like hereditary or midsummer, something like that. That's got that
real creepy, uh, feel to it. But then, and then like a big payoff at the end, something like that, that's got that real creepy feel to it. And then a big payoff
at the end, like a big
punch in the face payoff at the end, where it's
like, fuck, shit, is it the fan?
Oh no, now they're flying!
As far as witch movies or
demon, that kind of movie goes,
it's a good one. Really good.
There's a lot where they missed the mark on that.
I haven't seen Midsommar. I didn't know that was a spooky one.
Midsommar's made by the same guy who made hereditary and it's got that same really like oh that girl with the unfortunate face yeah it looks like amber heard pouty face um yeah the
whole movie is like in broad stark daylight which is um and and and and it's just it's it makes you
feel really uncomfortable i i didn't like the awkward bad trip like for me like it reminded me of like i don't know like being like high like back in the
day like in the 10th grade and like an adult yelling at us because we did something wrong
and we're like are we gonna get in trouble is this strange man gonna hit us except i kind of
like that i turned up to 10 like i don't like i didn't like that movie. I didn't like how it made me feel.
Midsommar, you're talking about?
Yeah.
That movie hurt a little to watch.
It was painful to watch in a weird way.
Very uncomfortable.
Hereditary, on the other hand.
I liked that movie.
I hated it when I first watched it.
I think I was thrown off because I was expecting this whole thing about the little girl.
And then that gets blown out the window 20 minutes in.
And I think maybe that threw me off and I didn't like it.
But then the second and third times that I watched it, I've really grown to appreciate it.
And it's a complex story with lots of hints.
That director is like something – I can't pronounce his name or remember it but he uh he he's one of those
guys who peppers in so many visual clues and midsommar also he did and you'll be like oh there's
a thing there look look look it's right in front of us the whole time yeah he did that in midsommar
also i saw like uh 15 things you, and I missed all of them.
I was like, I didn't see any of those.
Yeah.
And Hereditary was like really scary for me because it was like, I don't know, family was scary.
It was like all family related.
I just thought that was like so creepy.
You could feel that tension between the family.
That tension between the family, like it took the place that should feel the most safe and made it feel like you were always on the razor's edge of like pain and anguish and like familial confrontation.
Like that fight that you don't even want to have with a sibling or a parent.
It's like I fear the fight we're about to have because no resolution will be good. They're always like in the right in there, like on the verge of that.
And it's just uncomfortable to watch them.
Yeah.
Were you scared by it at all?
Yeah, there were some things that like creeped me out.
I definitely like would look at like the darkest corner of the room and be like, God, I hope my mom's not hanging in there.
Yeah. I did that last night i went out in my uh my garage we're up i guess i'll call it my gym and uh like flick
the light on and the first thing i did because there's a little dark corner where there's like
a cubby to store stuff by the water heater i looked up in that corner and what i was looking for was a woman
crouched in there like an hereditary corner i swear i look and as i've always been like that
though like as a kid i told myself to always check behind the shower curtain before i took a piss
because in my dad's bathroom growing up you're like pissing and to the left is like the shower
curtain you can like reach over and grab it and slide it and i always checked and i told myself as a kid one day something will be there so be prepared i don't know why i told myself that i
told myself that when i was like 10 and every to this day ever and i and i almost believe it and
so every time i'm in a bathroom i check to make sure that I'm not about to get ambushed or something.
What's the plan if there is a knife wielding madman behind the punch?
It's clearly a fight to death.
Just be killed in a more scared way.
We're going to get our hands on that knife first.
That's the first thing that's happening.
Oh, I would really like another really scary movie to watch.
That's our knife.
That's our knife until he proves different.
When I saw hereditary,
there was like a whole thing.
Spoilers.
Okay.
There was this thing,
like they just,
they talk about like King Paimon,
the like one of the princes of hell.
And so like after the movie, looked it up like oh yeah how
how could i summon king pyman if i wanted to on youtube yeah um and i ended up getting all this
instructional shit about like king pyman if you want to summon king pyman he's a good one to summon if you don't want like uh if you want to do something
successfully money wise you want to summon king pyman um if you want your enemies to fail at
something that's important to them this seems very very fix all yeah yeah he's a king and i looked i looked him up and like then i like pulled up like
this like video that was like a mantra like chant to summon king paimon and i'm like
really high at home and like it's playing in this dark echoey voice like on youtube like in some
fucking like latin or some shit and it's like blasting and i'm like smoking
and my dog is looking at me like bro are you fucking stupid like my dog's looking at me sees
the tv he's looking at me he's like none of the i don't know anything and none of this sounds right
right now yeah i'm the dog and i know this isn't it was a bad trip i'm not entirely convinced that
there may not be some demons you know it's it's uh taylor
tells me all the time that there are demons and that i should be afraid oh yeah they're out there
man if there were a way to summon a demon though i think i'd be down i think i'd summon one up
because i'm gonna be honest it'd be tricky and they'd take advantage of you that's racist
against demons all right let me explain think about this for a second there was only your
choice it's clearly prejudiced hey it is all right listen listen hear me out okay there's only one
like source on demons right yeah the god the yeah the there's the source of like god in the bible
and what those guys wrote down of course i thought you were going to say Supernatural TV show.
Well,
Sam and Dean do factor in.
I'm just saying that I'm not sure that they're so...
You know, Harley, your own
people have been written about by white
men before, and I've seemed
to have read that you guys were sneaky
and mistrustful,
and that maybe we shouldn't do
deals with you like you know but that that's all lies that's all lies clearly yeah i'm pretty sure
every group on the planet though had a problem with demons like no there's no group of happy
oh that's what a nazi would say
could be that's something you wouldn't call them demons but all right i get your code
i'm just saying that if i could summon some sort of demon and he was like what would his price be
like like i i want to like your soul tradition here's what you do here's how you beat a demon
you beat a demon with a jew you need a lawyer uh you bring your lawyer in and and you get the
same lawyer that they get for those NBA contracts,
like all the stipulations, and you make sure we hammer down an agreement.
How many babies do you need me to abort? And how much, I don't know, demon money do I get for it?
Dude, you're not going to win a league. Where in the universe are there more attorneys than
That will be established. It will be established where the court proceedings for arbitration will take place and how the duly noted representatives will be chosen.
That will all be spelled out by my Jew.
There's no hell in Judaism.
So you just got like a ton of Jewish lawyers like waiting outside hell.
They're like, you need representation.
Like there's no hell so they're like i can't get in there unless i go in there with you so you have to retain me as your lawyer right now and it's no hell not bad no heaven either you
know evens out it seems like blood sacrifice is usually big with them but but i'm guessing that
i could get like some meaningful amount of
of like karma if you will out of a demon for just killing goats and stuff cows and things like that
and like saying some chants like this i spill this blood for pazuzu and the name of pazuzu
flow into the empty vessel that is my friend taylor take hold of him in the night when he is bringing it on when he is soddened and full
of salted meat when i'm sodden i'm all wet i'm from sweating i've eaten so much
flow into his open salty pores that's how i crawl into bed every night he will be a powerful vessel
for your essence he will allow you to take the innocence of many.
That would be good.
But I think you would want to start with a low-level demon.
Because, like you said, chickens.
Maybe not even a goat.
See what kind of demon you can get.
What kind of special bus demon for a couple of chickens.
See what kind of power he imbues.
Because the powerful ones, if movies have taught me anything, you've you got to murder someone usually it's got to be a virgin it's got
to be a young female virgin for it to be a creme de la creme demon or you can get like shitty ones
with animals that i don't remember from just thinking about movies i just want to like like
i'd like to like be able to like clean and press 350 oh you I bet a little demon could do that.
Yeah.
You don't need a whole demon. Think of the power of the real demons.
The real demons can change the weather and summon lightning.
Who's the demon of gains
with a Z?
Almighty gain lord.
Lord.
Just clogging your toilet by
emptying out a sacrifice of whey protein i was gonna say
i'd make a big circle around me and way
don't let the gains goblins get you
they'll steal your lats right off your back i've got one of those incense burners and it's like
burning creatine or something you have like all around like you know we also have lock and load
you have like a whole demon summoned and he's like you have summoned me
and you just give him a needle you're like yeah i just need you to inject me please
you can get out of here now you're good i just i kept hitting this nerve and i that's it i just
wanted oh it's the worst you ever you ever inject yourself harley with anything no but i look forward to one day doing it dude you gotta get on with you it's time
now it's time now i guess you're right like if you're gonna be a professional athlete let me say
this like like you're already in the middle of this fitness thing if you added t to the mix
like you'd get tripled results. You could be
fucking enormous.
Only at your house.
Okay. I'm coming over then.
You're going to be the next white boy.
You want me to inject you?
I want you to inject me.
I want you to do
everything you're doing
and I also expect a new shower installed.
The bar has been set the bar has been set that you if you're training someone you get a new shower so do i also have to do i also have to raise you like ten thousand dollars on kickstarter
and edit a bunch of videos for you no i'll i'll do the video thing and i guess we can just
just give me a place to stay we're good I've thought about how funny it would be.
This is before Kyle was doing the fitness thing
or right when you revealed.
Because of time constraints,
I could never happen really.
But I was like,
it would be so funny to manufacture with Kyle
a fitness boot camp for me to go there
and be all positive about it
and then just be the most insufferable prick to you the whole
time. Straight up
refusing to work out.
Like sneaking.
Obviously, very
obviously, Orin Peets is in the middle of the
day. We're working out
with the garage door open and
DoorDash arrives with Popeyes.
They have
a 10-foot sub. I'm like'm like oh no the rest of the party
just isn't here yet you know ever since i uh ever since i did the sam thing i was like you know i
can't upload a fucking lasagna next week you know so like what am i gonna do and i was in there
talking about with my partner i was like you know be really sick is like we kind of did this like
this like vibe here that was like interesting and
we did something cool with like sam who's like a guy that not many people have like contact with
really and then i was like you know if we did something with doc that'd be sick and then he
was like then you also got to hit up the pka guys and it was like even if like i went with
dr disrespect and he showed me how to golf was just interesting to me but then he was like even if like i went with doctor disrespect and he showed me how to golf
was just interesting to me but then he was like what would you do with the pka guys i'm like i
don't know how do we all get into the same city at the same time what is the activity they can
impart on me what can i learn from all three of them other than like little blasting fucking
heavy loads i was literally thinking circle jerk you read my mind
that's where my head went
what can we teach you
how can we mentor Harley
honestly if it's not magic
gathering I don't know what I could
possibly teach you
do you want to be marginally better at archery
maybe
just a little bit
just a little better than you are now you can go from day one
to day two in just one day yeah you know pub stomp fucking magic the gathering people i'll do that
yeah that's that's about it that's great i want to go that's the perfect activity it's midget
tossing it could be something honestly that you don't even think. Like, maybe you're like, like I said, Sam never boxed.
And Sam never coached boxing.
So you could do anything.
Taylor, you could teach me hockey.
Yeah, do you have a skate?
I haven't skated in 12 years.
Yeah.
Show me how to ride a motorcycle.
I'll teach you to drive a race car.
I've never done it, just like Sam.
Kyle actually already showed me how to shoot a gun to be honest with you
first time i ever showed a gun i shot a gun was with you okay yeah it was like it was like a
desert eagle into the woods probably yeah yeah i'd like to start yeah it'd be fun if you came
and i was worried i was like what do i do i was like what do i do you're like just fucking point
over there fucking pull the trigger bro i have a motorcycle for like kids to learn on you would look hilarious
i said next time if i ever walk in the ring i want to like get onto like a little mini
motorcycle or cart dressed like waluigi and i'll do like a mario kart entrance
i want to be carried i want to to be on a throne carried by serfs.
Oh, for some reason I was picturing a huge woman
carrying you like She-Hulk.
You're like a baby
being walked to the ring by mommy.
No, no, no. Even better.
It's like six obese women crawling
with a big board on their backs.
Yes, and you've got that Xerxes.
Jordan Peterson is not too gone.
I'm standing on it with that Xerxes pose
that's like kind of
I'm a generous god
looking down with the crazy eyes
with that weird piercing that goes from his nose
to his ear and everything
and all that eyeliner
and then you do the entire monologue
in his voice
I will erase the people of Greece from me
the people of Greece from me.
The people of the world that sparked my existence.
He's going to tear out the tongues and the eyes
of every scribe.
What does he say?
That little delivery from him, I don't know
what actor that was. He did a great job in that.
The spittle
as he was enraged saying it.
At the time,
300, I really liked that movie.
I have not seen it in so long.
I remember the second one sucked.
Yeah, second one blows.
The first one's good, though.
I really like it.
I remember it being good.
Maybe the Spartans didn't do all the cool stuff that my 10th grade teacher told me, which makes me sad.
Who cares?
I still was super pumped when that movie came out.
I was the perfect age to to be really into it i think it came out in like 2004 2005 so i was like
17 18 19 or so and i love that shit i remember i bought the that was one of the dvds that i still
own i still have that dvd so you can watch it in 480p well so that you can watch in a 720 um
but you can it had the extra features which was huge on
dvds back then so you could see the the spartan workout and they're like in there like pushing
sleds and stuff and doing battle roads do dvds do 720 i don't i think so at least
i thought that's what they did it in 720 maybe i'm wrong dvds yeah yeah i don't think so
they did it in 720 maybe i'm wrong dvds yeah i don't think so isn't that why we got blu-rays and hd dvds i thought that was go to 720 to 1080 oh maybe it's a really interesting question i'm
so curious now i don't even know what you're talking about that's so interesting to me
texas 720 by 480 that means 480 480p? I don't understand what the order
of the numbers means.
Does that mean VHS was
360p?
It's probably lower than that.
Well, it's not
digital, though.
Google
this, Zach. The relative
resolution
of VHS.
I still don't know.
I remember
when you'd get that VHS.
He copied the answer that came up.
I would always think I was doing the best
job when I would turn the tracking knob
until there was almost no white lines on the VHS.
And I was like, this is how you watch a film.
This is how you enjoy a Jungle Book tape that you've watched 600 times.
And so the blue song doesn't work anymore.
I remember that was one of that was one of the first times in my whole life i got like raving mad as i was probably like
five and my younger brother was three and he without my knowledge i watched jungle book about
two times a day at the time and he went in and he like did he flipped up the top of the vhs and he
just ripped out all of the tape and just left it there in front of the tv and like when you have
no assets and you're five
seeing that destroyed like there's a brief moment of like can it be salvaged and you're like no
and then it's like this is gone forever i'm gonna kill you yeah i'm gonna kill you
yeah that's but like i just remember like feeling like i'll never see jungle book ever again
like because of. Because of this
bastard.
I'm waiting.
I lucked out to get this.
Yeah.
Jungle Book was a great one.
Everything is just in crisp Ultra HD
and like 8K is right around the corner
five years from now. Maybe
we'll be replacing our shit again at $5,000 a pop and stuff tvs are so cheap now the only thing that inflation can't fuck with
is the price of a of an led or lcd tv a flat screen tv let's just say because like today i
got advertised it was like 70 inch 4k tv 250 it was like they're just giving them away at this point they're cheaper than
wallpaper you could just cover the fucking wall they're absurdly cheap um i'm about to buy another
one when i move i'm gonna get an even bigger motherfucker i guess that or a nice projector
of like the same like price range you're gonna go over the 75 i'm gonna get as big as i can get
um if that's 90 somethingsomething, I'll do that.
But I am considering a projector.
What I want to do is go to like...
God, we ran
Best Buy and Circuit City right out of business, didn't we?
I want to go somewhere and look at one.
Best Buy's around.
I'm not sure I'd go projector again.
You really have to put your
room around it, and you have to turn the lights off,
and black out curtains.
You can get big TVs now.
Here's the thing about me.
I already keep the room black during the day, like my bedroom.
It's completely blacked out.
I don't even use real light bulbs in there.
I use those star light bulbs that were on Reddit one time
that look like you're looking into a galaxy or something.
They give almost no illumination. I'm constantly tripping and bumping over things it's all why did you buy those it's
real good lighting if you're having sex um and uh it's only that yeah i feel like i'm in a submarine
and we're on lockdown mode because the soviets are right above us we got the red lights on
everybody's creeping around.
You five,
seven,
one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
To me.
So you might like that,
but to me,
a darkened room is pretty awesome in the short term. And in the longterm,
I call it a depression chamber.
Like,
you know,
I need to get outside and find some joy.
I'm a cave dweller.
And,
and so what I,
but I need to see like what I want to see clarity and brightness.
I don't want to be able to look through the image and see the background.
If that makes sense.
Like I feel like I can almost like look through like what's being projected
and see what it's being projected on,
on a cheaper system.
And it needs to be fucking bright.
And I don't want at any point to like be like,
Oh yeah,
I'm looking at a wob wonky little projection of something that's a little
bit like washed out because it's because it's not bright enough.
So if I can find something like that, then I'll do that.
Or I'll just buy a big-ass TV.
I don't care which.
Big-ass TVs just work, I suppose, and there aren't multiple pieces, and they just mount to walls.
So that's probably the smart thing to do.
I like a projector in a lot of ways
but it is a pain in the ass and every so often i'd realign it and it feels like the light bulb
goes out once or twice a year it's not maintenance free yeah um i know the one that was i wish you
could like buy one out of a movie theater that's what be that would pimp as fuck if you could get
like that big boy reel and and then your whole mission would be to like get those
reels of various films reels anymore i want i want the old one i want the real that's how you get it
there's no way you can buy like a movie theater i want i want the fps russia real like yeah like
the whole playlist of your extra flammable 2011 youtube oh man it's funny you say that because i
dug these old like memory cards out the other day
that are actually branded FPS Russian
memory cards
because we sold everything
and it's got like outtakes
and what it's really got
is my whole mission to Paducah
Kentucky to learn how attack dogs
work
it's like a 20 minute long to Paducah, Kentucky to learn how attack dogs work.
It's like a 20 minute long. So it is just a dog that detect you.
I'm in like a,
I'm in a bite suit and the dog's fucking me up for like 20 minutes or so.
And, you know, doing like drug,
it's kind of funny because then I have the dog um they put fake marijuana on me
and then the dog detects it and starts dragging me away and i think they they joke about arresting me
so it's it's it's real funny uh to look back on funny's the word to use right
no there's that and or was in fiction imitates or when life imitates art it's really funny to see like the videos you
could tell when i'm working with jeremy rather than scott though because jeremy's such a dumb
ass i'm like i'm i'm shooting that bowling ball mortar or something like that and i'm doing the
russian thing and he fucks up and i'm like you you messed it up you messed up okay no no don't cut
don't cut keep rolling you square you square and then i go back into the voice and do it again i'm
like no no no i see you you're wiggling i'm having it i'm having like i'm going back and forth like like
fucking with him i'm like this is so easy just don't move why are you zoomed into what
it's a whole half of an angry conversation with him because he doesn't respond he's angry
um you need that password so we can you can upload oh my god
that's outrageous oh i'm not doing that i'm deleting that that was a funny video though
like what i did was we had that bowling ball mortar and i think it was right when um amazon
was talking about doing uh like like the drone delivery and i was like no no no our competing
we have a competitive competing system where we deliver by canon and it's much faster and i was like no no no our competing we have a competitive competing system where we
deliver by canon and it's much faster and i and i literally take like a an amazon package that's
all labeled up and put it in the canon but there's a bowling ball yeah loaded into the
canon so when i shoot it just completely fucking explodes and i'm like you know i make some joke
about how we don't guarantee the deliveries or something.
Those are good videos.
Those mortars are fun.
You can buy those to shoot like blanks and just lob things around
from any size from bowling ball to like I think 20 millimeter
or no, 40 millimeter probably.
These little like soda can size.
You drop them in the tube and they shoot a few hundred yards
into a field.
Never used a mortar. Never had
the opportunity. Not that I've turned it down.
You can order them off the internet.
You can just order a mortar off the internet?
Yeah. Like on the
legal internet? Not here.
Amazon sounds like me.
Let's see if we can buy a mortar
off Amazon.
Amazon.
Let's see if we can buy a mortar off Amazon.
You're getting a lot of mortar and pestles.
What do you get when you buy a mortar?
Are you buying just the tube?
You get the tube and you'll get some rounds for it.
It's rounds.
So you actually have mortars you can fire.
So they don't explode on impact. It's like lobbing three pounds.
It's like lobbing chunks of iron.
But the charge is a 12-gauge shotgun shell
that's in the base that you load up
with however much powder you want for distance.
And when you drop it, it hits that 209 primer in the base.
The shotgun shell blasts it, and you get a big explosion,
and it launches the mortar.
Would it be pretty easy to make it
like a bomb
on the other side like an actual mortar
who knows
who knows okay
I wouldn't know anything about that
I've never even considered such a
wild
dastardly thing
wouldn't want to speak on it
wouldn't want to speak on it. Wouldn't want to speak on it.
Definitely no footage exists of that.
Goddamn right.
Yeah.
The only crazy thing that we ever recorded that we didn't use was that time where I stood next to the target and they shot it with the cannon.
Yeah.
She was like, that's too dangerous to upload.
That makes you look bad.
And I was like, all right. I don't know where that is. I wish I could that makes you look bad and i was like all right
i don't know where that is i wish i could find it oh and and here's like like i hate saying this
because like like people are gonna be like when's he gonna find it i'm pretty sure i have the footage
of you getting shot point blank in the face and paintball because because on one that's right that
was supposed to yeah i watched like i what i went through it and combed for like 10 minutes trying
to find that moment.
Because I remember when and where we were when it happened.
Still, we were in this indoorsy thing.
I can describe the building, yeah.
Yeah, and there was some of that wackadoo carnival ride shit out that door in the sunlight.
And those were our enemies.
And Woody got blasted point blank by a friendly teammate as he was passing through a doorway.
And it was a gnar woody like
woody swells up good when he gets popped in the face it's a talent yeah yeah i got shot i think
in the forehead and like i had a face mask on and i might have even had something to protect the top
of my head yeah but there was a strip of vulnerability that he shot me from like 12 inches
and yeah that was shot in the chin
another i my face mask my face is just a little bit too long for my face mask and it would it
would be like if you were introducing me to hockey and like the first like let's say we were doing the
first 10 minutes someone like high sticked me in the fucking face and you were like well i mean that
does happen in hockey but it never should have happened to you today.
It's insane that someone did that.
And then like 10 minutes later,
like some guy puts me in the boards full force.
I don't even have a stick.
I'm just figure skating.
This is insane.
We got to get out of here.
That's what like me introducing Woody to paintball was like,
because he kept getting these once-in-a-lifetime injuries that i was like i've never seen that before i'm so sorry
that guy put his barrel to your forehead it was so close it was like a foot away and he's what was
he just like blind firing out a doorway or something as i was coming back sort of running
from enemy fight i had done something. I had
pushed to the enemy, and then I went to go back to
safety. And as I was coming back to
safety, I got shot
hard.
By the way, there's your answer, Harley. I'll tell you what,
Harley, if you want to play paintball sometime,
all of us do know how to
do that, and Woody won't do it.
So he'll be able to watch us um i just i'm sorry i
just remembered you don't ever want to play paintball again and that is a perfectly fine
thing because you just look we just spelled it out it doesn't go well for you when you play
have you seen the ice poseidon video concept where he was bubble boy pushing the big wheel
that's how i want to play paintball just inside my bubble trying to roll it uphill
we could i i bet here here's just a thought and look i don't i don't like don't get don't run
with this idea and be mad when we never play paintball again because that is what's most likely
the outcome of what of all the things i'm about to say is that we never play paintball again
okay no and we all forget about it when the show wraps.
So nobody go out and buy your paintball equipment preemptively to come play with us on what I'm about to discuss.
We could have Wolf, I'm sure, get us into the coolest, most VIP of positions on some paintball field somewhere in the greater United States.
some paintball field somewhere in the greater United States.
There would probably be a scenario
where Woody could use his
paramotor to do a flyover with paintball guns
and that could be his entire thing.
It would be
no after than the air.
No, you could not shoot at Woody.
It would be cool.
People will totally obey that.
How high can a paintball go, roughly?
How high can you go?
18,000 feet.
Not that high.
You could have Woody doing bombing runs
with some sort of powdery
mixture that goes poof when it hits the ground
and makes a kill area.
He could be the Nightwing
finally fulfilling my
dream for him and becoming a supervillain.
That would be cool.
But that could be a thing. we could totally do a paintball event um where we have people show up and stuff but um i i really despite there are winter paintball
events and and uh if we were going to aim for something i my my idea would be to do it like
in the winter like i would be addressing well as fun we're dressing well as fun you don't
you you can take you can always take layers off right to cool off but like at a certain point like
you're fucking burning up i hate the summer events because like like we melt we it when
you're in 100 degrees with all the gear on like keeping you hot, it's just too much. You can heat stroke out. And none of us are
getting any younger.
Let me just...
Yeah, right? But we are all
fucking athletic enough to play
paintball. Let's not pretend like we're not.
We're not going to
have an issue playing paintball. We've got a professional
athlete down there in Harley,
and then the three of us who
are always... Undisputed boxing champions
of the internet.
We're physically
capable adults. We could beat up most
podcasts, hands down.
For sure.
I would take spit and chiclets over us.
I'm looking at you,
H3H3.
Any podcast with less than
three members.
Dude, Bill Burr?
No chance.
We're taking on Ethan and his poor wife.
I love that part
where two groups do battles in some movies
when they pick who they're going to face off
against. I would immediately be like,
I want the girl.
I don't think we need
to focus on her at all. There's three guys.
The girl's all mine. Don't worry.
I'm going to be in reserve.
Go for that Goldberg
style spear.
What are the other podcasts that we would
end up... I don't even know.
I can't name that many other podcasts.
Alt-Right seeming podcast
that YouTube is...
Louder with Crowder?
No, it's the locust eaters
or something like that um lotus lotus eaters impulsive isn't that the one with logan paul
yeah well not it might be a problem we might need more guests that oh all right depending on who
like who unless logan paul does that show with a paralyzed veteran or something like that,
then we're in trouble.
No, you guys should box the Get Off My Lawn podcast.
He has to box Gavin.
We need to shut the fuck up about this.
Mike Tyson even has a podcast.
Michael Holyfield has a podcast.
The Get Off My Lawn?
I think I might know Gavin.
Yeah, he's got a pretty good beard, right?
Yeah, he's got a really excellent beard.
All right, how about guys with like 10,000 gamerscore?
Amongst them?
Yes.
Get fucked, punks.
Yeah, I believe we are amongst the toughest people with 10,000, 15,000.
At least the strongest.
But if they're trained, we're going to quickly change the rules to like how much – No, this is a liftoff.
Now it's pounds of iron moved in 10 minutes. It's 10 rules to like how much to how many no this is a liftoff now it's pounds of iron in minutes it's it's it's 10 minutes to move that's only phase one phase
three is an eating competition although we need to be careful there too there's probably some
competitive eaters out there with podcasts probably not long length but no but no that would
be uh like the only way to i think to get all of us into one place.
Because for one thing, I don't want to be treated like one of the little people or anything.
I'm going to want some sort of special treatment.
No, I need to be pampered.
I need to be separated from them.
There needs to be a buffer so that I can get away from the stink.
If I see a poor person, I might vomit.
Oh, just another person, really.
Just anyone? Yeah, just a human being in general um try not to like touch them too much they're filthy things but no more seriously
like it's just better that way so that like i don't know i'm gonna be i want to have my own
little area to hide away in at some points and we could do that if we work with a wolf i'm sure
what does that shit all the time right he? He's all over the country in helicopters.
I follow him on Instagram.
He's always doing that shit.
Yeah.
And Kitty still knows all those people in the paintball industry too.
I love paintball.
I always saw what we were doing.
I was trying to be an ambassador to the sport, I suppose, in my own way
because it was something that I had always loved, loved, loved
since I was a
kid like whatever that thing is in your life that you love so much that you go on the internet
and you look at it even though you can't afford it that thing that you like put the whole package
together and like just the way you like it and then you close and then you close that window
because you're a kid you don't have money i literally build a full
sex doll all the time and i'm like nine thousand dollars an extra 250 i want to if i want to be
able to change the pussy to a dick and you need that that sort of versatility what are you sometimes
i'm like you know if i did like if i if I did have like like a whole other level of money
like I'm also getting a sex doll
like but I'm creating it a la like
Skyrim character creator
and I'm just making the worst ever
yeah you're fucking a hideous
nipples and like
yeah yeah
but yeah that was paintball for me
but I got I got I ended up doing
like I loved paintball as a kid,
and I was obsessed with it, and I loved it.
And I never had enough paintballs
when I went paintballing,
and I didn't have any of the cool shit.
And then five years ago,
I went to go look into paintballing,
and I somehow fell into airsoft
and started watching all these airsoft YouTubers
and airsoft content.
And I bought some cool airsoft
guns and and i love it and i've gone a whole bunch and i love it just as much as paintball
except i'm not greasy when i get home yeah so like that goes a long ways that i don't i'm not
greasy and the clothes aren't greasy but there's more liars in airsoft than there are paintball
because paintball like someone has paint on they're like i didn't get hit i didn't get hit but like airsoft you're literally just like like bring a camera on your
gun so that you can call people i've watched that guy that the only airsoft channel i've ever seen
actually i've seen in the last year it's that dude who like puts the gopro on his sniper and
that's a lot of the video talking about norwich right yeah he's the
big guy i bought his yeah i bought his like i bought his gun camera i bought like one of his
gun setups like i bought a gun setup to be just like his when he's awesome like years and years
ago i i like pm'd him from like my main account on youtube and he got back to me and i was like
hey dude that gun mount you've got is so cool. He 3D printed them himself.
Yeah, he sells them now.
He was like, I can make you one.
I was like, that would be amazing.
I think I just paid him for the media, whatever that material was, like $10 or something.
He made me a whole gun site that you could tell was this 3D printed custom ass thing with bolts.
He made me a thing and
mailed it to me it was awesome i used it for the next uh uh paintball event i went to in joliet
uh really nice guy yeah i'd paintball again i have not gone in 11 years since we went
i'm just looking at my forehead right now it's like a target like like it's gonna be
look at my
forehead. Look at the shape of me.
I'm going to get hit there.
Look at his hitbox.
No one's
choosing this character in paintball.
I'm going to get
fucked up.
You literally could, like,
if we went to one of those scenario games like there's like
you could be in a tank or a vehicle or a helicopter or you could just not fucking do it i don't give
a shit like me if and also if i when i feel this isn't like someone you know when someone chooses
jaws in in golden eye yeah that's me like it's just like why would you choose jaws so much let
me just say this i only want to do it if there's a way that woody
it wants to and will enjoy himself because that's i will pretend i'm doing it all day
hang out in the vip room and tell people one of two things i just got back or i'm about to go
yeah no i only i only want to do something like that if like you are excited to do it and you
think it will be fun for you.
Because that's the only reason it makes sense.
Because I don't want to drag anybody anywhere.
And you shouldn't have to be drug anywhere, right?
If we can't agree on a thing that we all love and would like to do, then we shouldn't do a thing.
But I'll do it.
Do you want to go on a motorcycle trip?
Are you sure that doesn't sound like fun instead?
I'm scared.
I'm scared to go that far.
I like to go on my little trips.
I'm scared I'm going to get out somewhere where I don't know where things are going to be
and things are going to get scary and I'm going to fall off that motorcycle.
And I don't want to fall again because the last time was scary.
So I do my little trips.
I've gone like an hour out and an hour back.
That's as far as I ever want to go, I think.
I went further than that right before the show.
I know. I know.
I like to zip around.
I don't even like going fast.
What I really like is
sitting on it and moving.
That's good enough for me.
The idea of going to the
Smokies and taking those curves,
I don't want to. I don't want to
take a curve that's scary. I like
straight roads.
Okay.
The Smokies, you get to choose your own speed right like if you can do a
parking lot you can do anything it's just how fast you want to do it yeah so i don't know i like i
think i'm driving faster and faster like today i was like ripping around corners and stuff and i'm
like my tires are slippery i'm like that's a sign that you're going pretty fast. If your tires are sliding.
Damn slippery tires.
Not the throttle.
And like, I'll follow someone.
And if someone's in front of me, I either pass them or turn.
Like, I don't like being behind people.
And I get the last thing.
I was like, that looks pretty good.
And I'm like locking up all my brakes and shit and making turns.
And like, you can like back the rear tire slides sideways as you make the turn
and i'm like i maybe have picked up the pace a little bit in the last year but
tires are feeling slippery yeah but we'll have to ride like that together but but also like
if we were going to involve taylor in a thing too or potentially even Harley, if he, I know we're just like throwing this out there,
but like,
um,
hop on Taylor.
I can take a passenger.
Your tires can't.
Yeah,
I totally can.
I would rather slow down.
I will.
I can't think of anything.
I would like less than Harley on the back of my fucking motorcycle.
Especially after everything we spoke about at the beginning.
Like,
I don't want to be the guy
on the back. I'm the worst for that.
It's a huge, awkward
weight.
I would like to do an activity
that you can do stoned.
Yeah.
Don't get good in stone to play paintball?
Anyways, I got to put my
mind to it, but I got to find
something that you three guys are going to have to teach me over a series of epic documentary episodes.
Oh, then you.
All right.
So here's here's what actually needs to happen.
You have to find a sponsor who wants to fund a survival trip and will pay us each what we are required to take five days out of our life.
One hundred million dollars. That's our life. $100 million.
That's the start.
We get Dr. Disrespect to come too.
It's a survival.
But that would kind of be the funny part, though, when we got there and Harley was like,
all right, teach me how to survive.
And we're all like, what?
That's what happened with boxing.
Just make sure you have a printed out file
with just lots of steps that you want to teach me we brought a file last time and
we would have starved if the muffin man hadn't shown up
i brought guns and i had guns i didn't shoot at a target really i i our cameraman was from
the uk so we let him shoot the shotgun on the way out
a couple times and that was all the gun was for like you guys hated that trip so much
i like the campfires at night we'd like play the dumbest games we'd go around the alphabet with
like you know aardvark uh i've already lost this game. There are no animals to start with.
Baboon, right?
Chimpanzee.
We play this great game.
Dog.
But he hated it.
Well, you kind of figure out what letter you're going to be.
But we do different things.
Three letters from R or whatever that might be.
You know, we move on from animals to foods or something like that.
And, you know, go through the alphabet playing those stupid little little word games at
night as the mosquitoes tried to get through our nets and uh and you know it no i like that part
but there was just vast vast amounts of georgia's foggy muggy days where we just sat there in the
heat and watched the sweat drip off of us and smoked Chiz's cigarettes.
It was like Chiz and I
were chain smoking the whole time because we were
hungry and because
there's nothing to do if you smoke.
If there's nothing to do, you're just one after
the ground is littered with
them. We got them all up and cleaned the campsite
before we left. It wasn't a campsite anyway. It was just a
fucking place in the woods. It's just a patch in the woods you picked.
You're the dirtiest water you can find. I scouted that campsite anyway. It was just a fucking place in the woods. It was just a patch in the woods you picked. You're the dirtiest
water you can find. Dude, I scouted
that place and I thought I was Daniel Boone.
Because I was like,
I was counting the squirrels. I was like, I saw
eight squirrels within like ten
minutes of like walk of here.
I've seen a catfish in this water
that we're camped right next to as long
as my fucking arm. I was like, we're good.
We shoot two squirrels, catch one fish, we're gooded right next to as long as my fucking arm i was like we're good we shoot two
squirrels catch one fish we're good for five days like like like you know it's not a bounty but
we're gonna make cool content i've watched so many videos on how to like gut and skin a squirrel
that i'm ready to like start like scrubbing that turn the squirrel skin inside out and fucking tan
it out and make fucking gloves out of this shit almost i'm watching i'm watching how to like skin catfish and and like all the things that we could potentially kill i'm
learning how to like gut them and clean them and cook them we didn't see anything it was like it
was like our presence the presence of all of us together like all the wildlife just left and like
during the mornings i would go out like 10-20 minutes away from the campsite
and I would sit there and just
under the base of a tree with my rifle
two hours, three hours, all morning
into the noontime.
I was hoping you were going to say, I would sit there
and cry.
You're
23 yards from the camp you just
because i'm moaning and sobbing so loudly
yeah that did not sound like fun the way you guys described it and the way the videos looked
it was dreadful uh i i think the videos came out wonderfully though i think it's fun
yeah but it didn't it didn't look like you guys were having fun at the time
in the videos. I hated every
fucking minute of it. When I got back,
I was so glad it was over.
I was so glad when it was just
me back at my house
and just nobody else was there
and I wasn't filthy and
I had all the food I could eat.
I lost seven pounds that week.
I think we all lost something.
That would be a pretty good idea.
Let's do five weeks.
It was dreadful.
It was fucking dreadful.
And so you would have to pay me a significant amount of money
to do something that I hate so much again.
And I don't think there's a lot of demand for that anyway.
So I think I'm safe.
Thank God. It's like
the boxing thing, right? It was like,
yeah, I'll do that, but you'll have to pay me way more money
than you want to because I don't want
to do that at all.
You got a new topic?
Yeah. Harley,
what's your reaction
if somebody thinks you're gay?
What do you mean?
You get missed. Someone is like, oh, you're not, what do you mean? You get misses.
Someone is like,
Oh,
you're not gay.
I thought that you were.
How do you react?
Isn't it though?
And so I talked to one from school.
I had sex with a girl once.
She asked me that like right after.
And I was like,
what did I do?
I was like,
what did I do?
Like,
we literally had sex. and like 10 minutes later she asked me that and i was like
what did i what did i do to you what happened what did i do that was gay of me while having
sex with you a woman right that's pretty not gay yeah what was yes i was like blown away
um she was just like nothing nothing, I'm just asking.
And I'm like, okay, I'm obviously doing something right now
that's very gay.
Well, you tried it when I took my pussy out.
I was like, wow, so fun to do this.
I'm having so much fun.
It's like Will Smith. You see that article? He's like, I'm having so much fun it's like a will smith you see that article he's like
he's like i'm having so much sex with women that i'm it makes me sick
did you see that does he's like yeah he was there's like an interview from like a few years
ago where he's like i just have a visceral response now when i have sex with women just
like i just get ill yeah everyone talks about how his wife slept with that one dude
austin or something and it's like they have an open marriage will smith is probably like you
have no idea he's will smith he's an a-list oscar he wins on so what do you think what do you think
is happening though woody you think he's having sex with women yes i don't you think he's i think
he's having sex with men perhaps having sex with women makes
him sick i think that i think there's only one explanation for why he'd keep doing those movies
with martin lawrence he's fucking martin lawrence he's fucking martin lawrence yeah yeah
if you ever watch that show martin like like when he dressed up like shenane with the long
nails and everything like i think that will smith makes martin lawrence to this day dress up as shenanay
and do that dawson stole that bit from martin yeah well wait a minute if martin's dressed up
as shenanay it's not gay anymore no that's that's true i could get into that but wait hold on i
didn't want to i didn't want to dodge this question i mean in that scenario
i asked about it i also had um a friend of mine a a girl who is gay and a youtuber and like one
time she came up to me she's like i know you're gay and i was like yeah and she's like no seriously
i know you're gay and i was like whoa why how do you know that and she's like i just know and i was
like why would you say that and i'm like am i doing something gay right now what am i doing that's gay she's like nothing
just i know you know i get it it's okay obviously i'm gay i just imagine you
yeah you are gay i know that and it is cool of course if i were gay i'd be gay why are you saying
i'm gay what did i do and then like i would like get high sometimes
and i'd like hear something that i said i'm like i'm gonna suck his dick i'm like yeah i know i'm
funny yeah i'm like was that gay of me well if we're using evidence we've all said very gay things
oh yeah yeah yeah that's where now being being 36 compared to
like if you did that at like 25 i'd be like no i'm gonna fight you now because you said such a
thing so now like 36 i'm like no of course not why do you know a guy that wants to fuck me let
me see i would just be i'd just be curious i'd be like what what was i putting out there that
made you think that what I'd be interested.
What if it was like a...
If she told you, no, no, actually, Alexander Skarsgård.
He's really into you.
He's a good-looking man,
and he's got actor money. I'll give it a go.
You're going to have to give it a go, right?
Yeah.
What position am I actually in?
The best part is
you get to take his name, and you get to be a scars guard then
oh and i and he's going to use his clout to like have me be the fourth scars movies the fourth
scars guard actor and and like you can fall in like a baldwin and just get by by there
there's the three good looking ones. And then that kind of goofy retard.
You're going to be a Northman 2.
I haven't watched the Northman yet.
I haven't either.
It's on demand now. And I saw it in theaters and it was pretty cool.
But I was like, oh, that would be better on demand.
Yeah.
So you could check that out.
I thought it was pretty neat.
But I think.
Let me recommend a show for you real quick.
It's Reacher on Amazon, the TV show.
Okay.
Dude, 6'5".
I've watched it all now.
It's based – Jack Reacher is like a 6'5", like crime scene investigator.
He's a new guy, right?
That's a new guy playing him?
I don't know him from anything.
I saw the trailer.
I was like, who is that?
He's a good – like he definitely like – at first I was like –
I didn't know if I was going to like him or not
because it's pretty key that you like him if you're going to watch the show.
But he grew on me by the first episode, and I was on board.
He's got a real – he doesn't speak very much, but when he does,
it's usually witty almost to an autistic point.
He's that detail-oriented where he's that Sherlock Holmes-type character,
but at the same time, he's the guy who will gouge eyes out and break people in half.
Did you just say Woody to an almost autistic point?
No, I did not.
What did you just say?
I think that you heard something and I think it's very telling that that's what you would
hear.
What did you just say?
I think we just all got a little viewpoint into your psyche.
Yeah.
We invite you on here.
What did you just say? Bring it back.
We get down on our knees and we shine
your wheels.
We shine your wheels after a little boxing
match that was clearly fixed.
That was clearly fixed.
And you have the audacity
to come here and attack
Woody. This is all true.
Speechless. Speechless and muted. to come here and attack Woody this is all true speechless I do ask about the
gay thing am I coming off gay this episode no I throughout the week select
topics in case I think the show stalls and bring them up the show stalling Harley was are