Painkiller Already - PKA 603 W/ Josh Pillault: Halfway House Wedding, Kyle is A POC, Woody is a Cowgirl
Episode Date: July 9, 2022Sponsors: Use Code “PKA” for 10% off your entire Lock and Load order! https://gorillamind.com/products/lock-and-load-pka-collaboration-1/?rfsn=6138256.b4345db https://lucy.co/ Use Code “Painkil...ler” at Checkout! https://www.wonkyweeds.com/ Use Code “PKA20” for 20% off! Use Code “PKA” at Checkout for Blue! Guest Social Medias: Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/jpillault Twitter: https://twitter.com/JoshPillault
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Is it PKA 603 with our guest Josh Palot?
Palot? Palot?
I was just going to ask you.
Palot, man.
Palot.
Taylor?
A little behind the scenes for you to start.
This episode of PKA brought to you by Blue Chew, Lucy, and WonkyWeeds.com.
The same wonderful company that brought you Death by Gummy Bears.
We've got more THC products to get you high, folks. So you'll hear more about them later.
Josh, thank you so much for coming back on,
hanging out with us.
How are you?
Thrilled to be here, man.
I'm doing great.
Been doing my little RuneScape stuff.
Recently tried Rust at the urging of your community.
That game is crazy.
Other than that, man, I don't know if you guys have seen.
I haven't really talked about it too much,
but my wife is pregnant with number two.
Hey, congratulations, Ari. I'm just now getting back into the YouTube grind. Yeah youtube grind yeah thank you guys man i had to take a little time off from youtube this one is a lot gnarlier for
sickness and illness than uh the first one with her you know she was very sick feeling in the
first trimester didn't really have that with the first baby so i took a step back from youtube for
a little while to you know be a little more present try to help more and now we're on the
way back in all right other than that just that, just same old, same old.
Thank you guys for having a community that is apparently really into rust.
I guess I've got to try escape from Tarkov next.
Yeah.
EFT just wiped.
We just don't do either ever.
Been playing a ton of that.
EFT and rust are two of the most unhealthy games in the world to play.
Rust is a lot easier.
They change the spray patterns in rust, and I'm told that it's a lot easier.
The first time that I tried it, I was like, man like man i'm gonna have to get on one of these practice servers
because this feels like cod mixed with counter strike as far as spray patterns go but this time
this time it was just kind of op i was just like click point i ganked somebody in the neck with a
bone knife and skipped a whole bunch of uh skipped a bunch of monuments it was great on the game fbi
on the game yeah but do you think that's literally the least healthy game? Actually, no. World of Warcraft.
That's probably the tippity-top of the mountain of what consumers want. I think it's the OG. I think it's the OG life consumer.
But there's new drugs out there.
There's new stuff, new chemicals being made every day,
more addictive, things that cost more money,
things with loot crates.
Is it Diablo? I can't remember which game i was hearing about on reddit the other day but someone was like it takes this amount of
money to get everything you can in the game and it was like 100k or something like there's wild
games that you can devote your entire life to and spend a fortune on and then like runescape i saw
that guy in runescape i don't understand that't understand RuneScape. I've never touched it. It looks terrible.
But somehow or another, he
let himself be teleported
somewhere, and the guy
killed him and took something that
was worth tens of thousands of dollars of real
money. Real money, yeah. And you could see
him die on
the inside. And his wife was so scared.
He was raging so hard. She took the baby
and ran out of the room. But on the other hand clip the dude is there money to be made in runescape right because
we all focus on the loser i'm focused on the winner i'm focused on the guy who made ten thousand
dollars in a couple of minutes is that a repeatable process can you imagine the celebration at that
kid's house that guy's selling nfts now that didn't work he invested in some coin with it that believe it
or not yeah runescape has a huge it's actually uh overrun a lot of video games are overrun right
now with venezuelans i don't know if you guys know about that issue but their currency is so
inflated that runescape has become overrun with venezuelans that farm gold on the game sell it
to illicit third-party websites for a living because the they sell it for american dollars
or pounds you know which is worth however many thousands
of their dollar right now,
and then they can get food on the table.
So the game has become completely flooded with that.
But as far as time sink goes...
Dude, can I pay a Venezuelan?
If I can get a poor Venezuelan
to mine sulfur for me in rust
for real-world money, that would be...
You absolutely could have a team of them.
You can.
What's money in their land? What do they use? use these dollars or pesos like what are they using nothing anymore
they're like yeah like level like wheelbarrows of cash like yeah literally those trillion dollar
bills yep literally i would like a hundred dollars worth of their money just to like have a big
bundle of money that's completely worth it i mean like i've seen pictures of it in the streets and the gutters and stuff.
Recreate the baking pad scene
where you sleep on top of the piles of cash.
Sure.
But it's Venezuelan money.
But imagine how filthy it is.
Venezuelans have touched it.
Oh, it is Venezuelan money.
What is the ratio?
Am I a Venezuelan billionaire?
Maybe.
You're probably a quadrillionaire.
You're probably a quadrillionaire.
You would have been a quadrillionaire in Zimbabwe.
Half a billion of their dollars is $1, Zach said.
Half a billion.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Half a million.
My bad.
My bad.
Half a million.
It's about to sound crazy.
Half a million per dollar.
So, yeah, you're way, way, way rich in Venezuelan dollars.
Man, you know, gas isn't that bad.
I'm talking shit about George Bush.
Do you remember that?
Like their country was doing okay, relatively speaking.
And then that dictator that they had,
Raiul or no, whoever it was,
I can't remember his name now,
but he made fun of George Bush at the UN.
George Bush just had spoken.
And then this dude went up next and he was like,
the smell of sulfur.
It is still in the air.
Satan was just here.
Like two years later, that guy got severe cancer everywhere, died,
and then Venezuela has been a landslide since.
They got him for talking shit about George W.
CIA.
Either that or wanting to take their massive oil reserves off of the u.s dollar you guys have these
weird theories about cia or one of those when clearly the smell of sulfur was in the air it
was the devil that got him and you're ignoring the evidence the coolest guy that's ever been
at a political conference ever is that guy who threw his shoe at george w bush they put that
guy in prison and i bet he was unbelievably popular. He did like two years, if I remember correctly.
It was a significant amount of time
for throwing a shoe at the president.
Is there a monument to the shoe now or something like that?
There's no way there's a fucking monument to that shoe.
A monument to him.
Did he just get inspired by Austin Powers?
He just went in there and just,
who throws a shoe, guy?
An Asian dude that uses a shoe?
We went in there and gave those people freedom,
and then they throw a shoe at our president like that?
You think he should get off lightly?
I'm going to kill your family, and you're going to thank me for it on TV,
or I'm going to kill you.
How do you like that?
I'm going to destroy it.
Exactly.
Pull this up ASAP.
And you're going to get on your knees and say thank you to the great American beast.
We'll start with your kids, then you and your grandparents.
We'll go up the line. up yes taylor i'm glad
you understand check out the monument to the shoes a little bit so we see the headline someone spent
way too much money on that that's that's poorly done i don't like it what it's so well done it
looks just like the shoe they threw is it an adidas it's on a pedestal shoe monument for the
man who threw footwear at Bush.
Dude, that's tough looking for real.
It kind of is.
They could have tried a lot harder.
Because I think it's bronze.
Go big or go home with something like this.
Like make it look good.
I think that's made of stuff.
It's a bronze colored shoe.
It's bronze colored.
Bronze colored shoe.
All right, well now I'm starting to think
they just made an enormous sneaker.
That's what it says.
Brons is among the cheapest of the
celebratory medals.
Celebratory medals?
And he called him a dog.
Oh, that's insult to
Andrew, literally.
Well, calling someone a dog
must be a lot more intense in
Iraq. Probably so.
Nobody really gives a shit.
Would that really get someone here like,
you dog!
I think here we love dogs.
Is Iraq one of those countries where not so much?
I don't know.
I thought most countries liked dogs.
Even if it's liking the way they taste.
Man, when I was 12, I had Chinese roommates.
That's a very small sample size.
Don't get me wrong, but according to him, culturally don't like yeah i don't like dogs right they don't
they don't really like the dog all up on them and stuff like when that dog would jump up on him and
stuff he just looked like he wanted to strangle it like he was like why do you let this animal do
this you know and he said that of course it's cultural so there's gonna be some people that
probably snuggle the shit out of dogs over there i guess but he said culturally that they don't
get their dog all up in their business like that yeah that's all right
nobody wants to fucking not everybody wants to make out with their dog as well there's two sides
to that coin yeah exactly you ever see a lady make out with a dog so hot like two like like
like tongues touching that level oh yeah it's where she's sucking the dog's tongue yeah of course
yeah i mean i do that with my dog. Have sex with the dog.
Got your tongue.
And what was funny about her having sex with the dog is the dog grabs her hips aggressively.
They were experienced enough at this that they had put socks on the dog's two front paws
so that he didn't grab her with the claws and the scratchy pads of his feet.
And he had kind of gentle paws to hold her waist
with oh my god that's just
too far man that's putting some time
effort and money into some shit man that's crazy
there's a middle ground between that and
apparently the Chinese
you gotta find a balance
you can pet them
but you neither fuck them nor eat them
yeah I'm somewhere in the middle here
I like to just hang out with with that's horseshoe theory fucking dogs find where i fall on the spectrum apparently
it was a cultural thing though um and also i had to translate i was trying to translate the f word
for the lady and trying to tell her i wasn't allowed to say it uh that was one of the highlights
of my life and it's because i was watching on does anybody remember i'm sure everybody remembers new
grounds man i had no business being on Newgrounds.
They had that history,
the F word.
I had the history of F word and I was watching it.
And she came up to me.
I was like,
what is F word?
I'm not trying to make fun of her.
She was learning English there.
And I was like,
I,
uh,
I can't tell you,
but don't ask my parents either.
Like,
I'm just going to have to redirect you to my uncle.
You can go fuck.
Or was she,
was she going the
the little light in the loafers direction i don't think she was trying to bust a move to the best of
my knowledge she didn't really know what it was but look all i didn't really stay long in that
house with them we came home two weeks later and they broken all our dishes man it was arranged
marriage i was friends with the dude and he he was friends with us for years since i was like five
he disappears to china for a month and comes back with a hot Chinese wife. We're like, okay, cool.
They hated each other.
So they moved in with us
and they split the rent or whatever for a little while.
We came home, there were broken dishes everywhere.
What I got from it was,
I learned how to use chopsticks
and don't let your dog jump on Asian people.
We went through this marriage really quickly.
So he left, he came back with a Chinese wife.
Went home to China for an arranged marriage.
Yeah.
So he was Chinese too.
Yeah, they were both Chinese.
And he went home to China to have an arranged marriage.
And I lived in a college town, Oxford, Mississippi, where Ole Miss is.
So he was a student there.
He goes home for his arranged marriage and brings her back.
But they hated him.
They had a baby.
And they shipped the baby off to China to live with the grandparents.
And it was the cutest baby I think I'd ever seen up until that point.
Now I've got a baby. Well, they sold that baby. What a bizarre. I didn't ask questions. But the baby off to China to live with the grandparents. And it was the cutest baby I think I'd ever seen up until that point. Now I've got a baby.
Well, they sold that baby.
What a bizarre.
I didn't ask questions, you know, but the baby disappeared.
Apparently it was a cultural thing, you know.
Every time something sketchy happened, it's a cultural thing.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Are you sure they sent it anywhere?
I didn't see, you know, a mailbox or a crib, you know.
They killed that baby, didn't they?
I didn't ask questions.
All I know is a few weeks later they said it's a cultural thing. I have another question have another question one more follow up was it a boy or a girl it was a boy oh so much
if it was a girl then we would definitely have case solved right here we wouldn't need
for that one like it'd be 100 case but it's a boy so those are a little more valued you know
they're a little more value i don't know what happened did they get divorced did you say that
she she ran off on him i think i don't even think it was an actual divorce.
I think she was like, you know what? I'm in America.
This is how they do it here. I'm just leaving.
It's an old school divorce.
I'm jumping in the car and I'm leaving.
It's a pre-internet divorce. You could just leave.
You could just be like, I'm getting cigarettes.
Yeah, yeah. MySpace wasn't even around yet at this point.
I don't think, man. I was like, it's a year out.
This is a stolen joke, but you could just move like 11 miles away.
Restart your life.
Is that John Mulaney?
I think he does that.
I don't know who it is.
I can't remember who it is.
It's so true where he's making the point of like in 1948,
you just want to start a new life?
Hop in the car, brother.
There's no way to find you.
You can show up in a totally different city, and your name is Mike Stevenson.
And you're like, I need a home loan.
I'm an accountant.
My name's Brett Ethan.
And they'll be like, all right, Mr. Ethan, how much money do you make a year?
And you go, I make $220,000, and I need a home loan.
They go, okay, we don't require a proof of income.
Here's your money to buy a home, Mr. Ethan.
What do you like, cash?
Your database.
Go ahead and take
this document of proof of identity to your dmv for your new license jesus zach my mom's brother
left when i was still in uterus for cigarettes and never came back but your mom's brother that
implies that your uncle is your dad that would make sense i don't even think it was an implication
i think it was a declaration he's his own grandpa he embraced it are you your own grandpa zach are you inbred
we're all everyone's a little inbred there's no way everyone's yeah but zach's like an inbred
he might yeah but you gotta organs there's certain distance on the tree you're supposed to be you know
a couple branches you gotta have enough to shuffle the cards with god damn the way i look at it you
know yeah oh i thought zach was making a joke. Apparently he wasn't joking. You're not ruling Egypt or something. He says he's slightly inbred through marriage?
This is confusing to me.
Yeah, me too.
Well, I mean, he's inbred, Woody.
He's doing less than he can.
Touche. Alright, alright.
He's doing banjo practice over there.
I still watch Dueling Banjos. I'm not going to lie.
I think that kid really was inbred from the Dueling Banjos video, but for everybody who's seen it, he really played that banjo practice over there. I still watch dueling banjos. I'm not going to lie.
I think that kid really was inbred from the dueling banjos video,
but for everybody who's seen it,
he really played that banjo.
That kid was amazing.
He did not play that banjo.
Did he not?
Dude, I watched so many videos
where they said he did.
That is a man's arm
reaching through the fucking sleeve
from behind.
That child is clearly severely retarded.
And he's playing the banjo
at an elite level.
Elite is even a word, boy.
Elite.
It's not like there's a retarded child playing the banjo a little.
Like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
No.
He's fucking jamming out on a difficult instrument.
I just assumed he was a savant.
Honestly, I assumed he was a savant.
I've seen people that can't tie their shoes that can kill a guitar, you know?
Yeah.
But they also can't really even hardly breathe and talk at the same time.
Well, that kid...
Nothing but music.
...is a fucking banjo.
I promise you that.
That kid has...
Well, you didn't pick a very flattering photo.
There are no flattering photos of that child.
There's no flattering.
That's what he looked like.
Okay.
That fan can't just look like that.
This is just a bad look.
No, that's what he looked like, man.
He just got his foot down low.
I looked it up.
Kyle's right.
No, man!
Every YouTube video ever!
I totally believed it because, listen,
I've spent a lot of free time just sitting there
with a stringed instrument, man.
I firmly believed it. I believed the old legend
that they found some redneck kid up there.
Is my mic not working? What is happening here?
He's gonna get you.
Let me get a fucking word in.
He wore a special shirt that allowed
a real banjo player behind him for the scene.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
Damn.
He was carefully chosen camera angles, etc.
That's exactly what I said.
When he moved the screen over?
Behind the scenes.
It looks real.
One of the scariest thrillers ever. It really put a scare into me when i was
13 or 14 and i watched it the first time like i don't know when you're 13 nobody wants to get
raped but 13 or 14 year old me was thinking like yeah that could happen to me like i had been down
rivers and and like tubing and stuff with friends and it's like yeah like if we just like fucking
got out like we're in our swim trunks like we don't even have a knife like part of you uh thinking like man if ned baby
gets molested like yeah i'm a spring chicken out yeah yeah yeah like i i looked at it and i'm like
woody you need to honestly evaluate what you bring to the table here. Are you Burt Reynolds?
Are you Burt Reynolds?
No, I'm not.
I'm 13 years old.
I'm turning around and going home.
See, I hit puberty too quickly to be attacked by pedophiles. There was a three-day window where I was prime meat, and then I aged out.
You know what I just thought?
I think that i think
that would be a good remake a deliverance remake who would play bert reynolds who would play bert
reynolds um um um use the fool no no no um star lord fucking star chris pratt yeah because bert
reynolds gets fucked up right away and taken out of the picture like like bert reynolds is like the
alpha male in the group everybody else else is either physically incapable or mentally emotionally
incapable.
That's perfect.
Cause,
cause,
cause John Boyd's smart.
He's just,
he doesn't have the machismo required to kill right out of the,
off the bat.
And you know that you feel like Burt Reynolds,
he was like looking for a fight for no reason at the beginning.
Like he has to match.
Yeah.
He's likes to fight guy,
but they take him right out of the picture,
and so you're left with, I don't know who,
oh, maybe Ned Beatty is that chubby guy
from Game of Thrones.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
No, like Jon Snow's little bitch boyfriend
that's always got the books
and never managed to lose any weight.
No, I don't want him to get any more work as an actor.
Sam Tarly.
That was bold, Sam.
Not until he hits the gym.
No, no, I just...
Every scene of him was he was just fat and exasperated.
Every scene.
All right, Sam, I need you to read this book
and then act, I've got it, fat and exasperated.
It's like, all right, now you're going to go up to the wall and look
out at this green screen. What do you see?
It doesn't matter what I see. I'm fat and
exasperated.
That's the whole character.
I thought Amelia Clark was overrated in her acting.
Yes, agreed.
I like her facial expressions.
I think they're very cute
and adorable.
I like that a lot.
I thought she was okay.
I mean, she's young as well.
Arya was not overrated.
I thought she did a good job.
Tyrion did a tremendous job.
Probably the best actor in the show, bar none.
The guy who played Varys was a more minor part,
but I loved the Varys guy.
Season one, who's the big name actor who died?
Sean Bean.
Michael Bean.
Michael Bean, that's what I'm looking for.
Is it Sean Bean?
It's Sean Bean.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sean Bean.
I thought he was as good as him.
You can remember because it's spelled Seen Bean.
It's Seen Bean.
Yeah.
A little I rhyme for it.
Did I ever tell you guys,
I don't know if I mentioned this last time,
that I hate to admit this,
but I'm too particular about the books.
I didn't watch the Game of Thrones show.
I tried and I got very offended honestly because i i came to adore that book series
on par with very few that i've ever read and right up from like episode two i just felt like they
weren't taking it seriously enough for the book and i got just like i was like i it just made it
hard for me to get into does that make sense i'm not trying to be yeah i'm not trying to be
preachy about like i'm glad that everybody enjoys it but for me personally i'm really bad about
my favorite books being made into movies.
Ready Player One is one of my favorite books I've ever read. I made it three quarters of the way through the movie, and I just had to turn it off.
It's too different, and they're too Hollywood, and I get that that is a certain thing, but when they zoomed in on Emilia Clarke's face and she didn't have purple eyes, I was already like, they didn't really care too terribly much about the finer points of the book.
I'm told. I haven't read it, but Kyle is an expert. potter did a good job of making movies out of the books that they're
pretty loyal and there aren't many they cut out all right so huge those books are big like 800
pages plus i can't remember exactly but there's big parts in some of the books early on where
we just play quidditch you know it's it and they're describing how like it's basically
describing how a soccer game is going.
And then Jimmy had the ball
and he threw it to Timmy and Timmy ducked.
Lots of that would go on for on and on and on.
So once they, later on, they cut most of that out.
And they were really loyal to the books, I thought.
I thought they did a great job.
I love the books.
I've read through them twice now.
I think once as a kid and then once in prison. uh i read them i was like that i've watched the movies a couple times
too and i agree with you i think they did a phenomenal as far as book to movie goes i think
harry potter is one of the best ones they had to leave a few things out for the final movies of
course but overall good guys i cried at the end of the seventh Harry Potter movie. When, spoiler alert, when Dobby dies.
Oh, man, that was so sad.
When Dobby jumps in front of the blade and gives his life,
and they get through the portkey or whatever to the beach,
and Dobby's like, is Master okay?
Did I take the knife good?
Or whatever he said.
He's just like super pitiful.
I hated that.
There is a magic solution for everything until until
little low-caste dobby gets hurt and suddenly medicaid isn't available and they can't spare
their wizarding you know skills on this little guy and so they're like thank you so much letting
it bleed out on a beach i don't even think they bury him i think they eat him. They did bury him. Not only did they bury him. It's despicable.
It's despicable. They eat him there on the
beach.
It's a luau. It's a luau. They have him on a
spit. Hot rocks.
Do I taste good for you, master?
This boy.
Did Dobby have powers?
I thought Dobby was really
powerful.
The deal is that
the house elf magic
doesn't have to obey the same rules
as wizard magic. It has some workarounds
about how he can do certain things.
But yeah, he's got some little magic powers.
But it does have also limits to its power as well.
Who's in charge of him? He can't use it on them,
for example, but it's a different set of rules.
Carry that time turner with you, and
Dobby's fine.
Maybe so. Chill out. Maybe if we get on the
eagles, we can get this knocked out
in one book instead of three.
Stop making a fucking wonderful
trilogy. A septiletry?
I don't know.
It seems to me like
Tolkien got a lot more done in less
books, if you're going to look at it that way.
I don't think so.
Harry saved the day not once or twice or three times, but seven fucking times.
In a hundred years, which one do you think will be looked at as a wildly influential literature from Western civilization,
and which one will be a very popular children's show?
I think they'll start saying that the orcs were fucking Jews, and they're going to me too Tolkien,
and he'll be blacklisted and
burned and meanwhile my book will live on wait isn't the harry potter book like the one that
got in trouble for like making like little goblins running banks yeah that's why i said it's
intentionally that way yeah okay they literally made the bank they made the bankers fucking jews
they they really did they were like oh yeah these are um what do they call them um um is it the goblin bank goblins oh they call them goblins i think is it the gringo
goblins the green got so gringotts is the banking so gringotts is the only silent
so gringotts is the only bank in like the harry potter world like if you've got
money that's where it is and it's in gringotts and when you go in there you have to deal with
the goblins and they're these long crooked noses and they're very particular about like doing
business with them and they you know they're it's the whole thing you got to go through them
dude looking probably a gringotet goblin that's uh that
that's the head goblin mr morenstein he's uh you remember it was within the last it was within the
last year that i watched these movies for the first time like as a 30 year old man and when
the banking scene came up and these nazi-esque caricatures come on screen i'm like it is wild that people were
rolling with this like like like she was just sitting there writing it and she's like hmm
a banking race what fantasy will i come up with for the people that run the bank short big nose
goblin and then some editor read that and was like fucking seal of approval aces bro
seal of approval it actually gets worse in the later books uh they have to make a deal with
the goblin to go into the bank uh spoilers again here to break into that bank and uh he's trying
to screw them over he's suspicious yeah he's a con artist con artist. He turns the tables on them
and tries to...
He's a trickster. There's no redemption for the
goblins in Harry Potter. It's a good point.
Do they deserve redemption? They don't seem very helpful
to the Magic King world.
They're handling the gold.
I'll say this.
Harry had that giant pile of gold in there
for his entire life and every
coin was there when he went to check on it. at least the goblins that's only because the goblins
at gringotts can lend out 10 times as much as he has in his little safe right using that as
what are you commie our gold that is how the banking system works yes
they just wanted to make more wizardry
wait so do the dwarf not do the goblins have powers the way the elves do?
I don't remember.
I don't think so.
I don't remember.
Then it's really just a matter of self-control on the wizarding world's part for not robbing them.
I think their perk, if I'm not mistaken, which is revealed in that same thing where he betrays them,
is that they're really good at smithing crazy weapons that are not possible
to beat anymore. Oh yeah, they had the Goblin
Maid. Oh yeah, that was so social.
That's part of why he betrayed them.
A lot of the really important items
in that universe are Goblin Maid.
And I think there's a deal where
the Goblins are never supposed to
sell any of their fine wares to the
Wizard's World. They're supposed to keep them within
Goblin world.
You know.
Oh, shit.
And so any goblin ware that's out there
in the possession of a wizard, goblins just
consider that to be stolen property.
Because there's no reason for a goblin-made
sword or a goblin-made
crown to even exist
as property of a non-goblin.
Even if they give you money for it,
they consider it a rental. When you die or the
human's lifespan ends, the item's supposed to come
back. The goblins live forever.
Longer. Well, they live a long fucking
time. Are there any immortal
races in
Harry Potter? Well, see, that's what
Harry Potter's all about. Voldemort
wants to live forever. That's what he's trying
to do through magic. He lost.
So there
is no immortal elf in Lord of the Rings.
There was a... No.
Not that I can recall. No. There's
some ways for people to live for really, really long
periods of time, though. The Dementors, maybe, because
they're just demons, so they're probably always around.
They don't really get into the lifespan of the Dementors.
They didn't really talk about lifespans of a lot of the creatures that are
dying. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I think he's
mocking me.
I'm just taking
a potential two-minute conversation
and grinding
into a 20-minute paste.
I don't know why he's questioning me
about the lore right now, but it can't
be interest.
But it can't be genuine
interest. That's like what Kyle
starts asking me about. If Kyle's
ever like, so who's leading the NHL
in scoring? I'm like, you
bastard. I'm not telling you that
because there's a reason you want to
know. Because speaking of which,
Kyle, you need to pick
whatever the next
huge sporting event is that you actually care about, that you actually care about.
That's important.
And bet something significant on it because you are on the most ridiculous championship win rate of favorite teams ever.
The Avalanche won the cup.
The Braves won.
You're on like five fight wins in a row.
Bulldogs too.
Bulldogs.
Who's the next big championship?
We've got three national championships over here at the Kyle House,
and we're always looking for a fourth.
So we're really hoping the Braves are going to repeat this year,
but I don't know.
The Dodgers took two out of three from them.
I don't know, maybe basketball, but I really hate that stupid fucking sport.
I hate to even think.
Well, then don't do that.
It's got to be one that you're leaning into.
That's the magic.
It did it with hockey. Yeah, but from the beginning of the season literally
kyle had been saying oh yeah the because i and it was only because kyle was asking me who the
best team was and i said the abs are slated to be the best team this year and kyle goes
i like good teams i'm an abs man now and so literally from the beginning of the season
he's been he doesn't have to really give a shit about the sport. I don't mean to ruin this for you, Taylor, but he doesn't like hockey.
Okay, he doesn't have to care about the sport.
It just has to be the pick he cares a little bit about.
More about being right than any reason of caring about the win itself.
And so what's the next one?
Do I get to do any research or can I?
I say go with your gut.
You're on a good run.
Is there any team or fighter coming up that you're really pulling for?
All right, let's take the Chiefs.
Let's take the Chiefs to have a Super Bowl win.
I can't bet against the Braves, but I'm going to.
Let's go Dodgers to win the series.
Let's pick Tiger to win
another championship this year.
Let's do that.
Is Tiger good anymore?
He still hits the ball.
Still making millions.
Making contact, that's all that matters.
He's making contact.
It's a tough sport. I've missed the ball
before.
I've never seen Tiger miss the ball.
That would be humiliating.
I haven't seen him miss the ball.
I bet it's happened.
Do you know who John Daly is?
He's my favorite golfer.
The golfer who would just get blackout drunk in the middle of the course
and still be really fucking good at golf.
There was a video of him just an internet video of him fat as
shit long white beard in shorts and a t-shirt standing on one side of the highway on a hill
and it's like just some random guy being like check this out john daly driving over highway 70
onto the field of boston college or whatever And it's just him driving over active traffic,
like onto a field across the street.
And it was a viral tweet.
And everyone's like, this rules.
And one guy's like, you committed a crime.
And it's on tape now, Mr. Daly.
And everyone's like, fuck you.
Fuck you.
Don't you talk to Mr. Daly that way.
Do you think he's actually going to hit a car, you fucking retard?
No, he's an expert. He's John Daly.
He's probably drunk right now.
John Daly is one of the coolest men who's ever lived, in my opinion.
Some of his drinking-slash-athletic feats.
Drinking-slash-athletic.
That he performed at the highest level and won huge and and set huge uh
scores out there like like he has the shooting record at multiple country clubs while drunk as
a fucking skunk rock and roll like like that's his thing is like and like god knows how many
millions he won gambling on the side, drunk as fuck.
I mentioned this before.
The top darts players play while drinking beer because they practice while drinking beer.
That's how they play the game.
John Daly doesn't have any nerves.
If he grabs a club and the caddy tries to correct him, he just calls it a lark and hits it with that one instead.
He doesn't give a shit. His Howard Stern interview was so good
because Stern's asking him about
women and drugs
and how much
is too much.
He's got great
stories. John Daly's amazing.
That's one of the few
I would rather meet John Daly than Tiger Woods
hands down.
He seems like a really fun guy. You said Tiger Woods, hands down. Yeah. Yeah, he seems like a fun guy.
Sounds way more interesting.
You said Tiger Woods is old?
Tiger Woods seems boring as fuck.
Is this dude old, John Daly?
Yeah, he's older.
I don't know.
I would guess John Daly is 60 to 70.
He's an OG pro from back in the day then?
I mean, he still plays.
I was just wondering because they said the video of him
with the big white beard.
I was like, white beard?
Has he been doing this since the old days for 30 years now?
He's been pulling up on golf carts, shrunk shit?
He used to dress really ridiculous.
If you pull up some photos of him, you'll see him wearing.
Yeah, there you go.
That's not John Daly.
He's slipping a picture of Santa.
He's just ripping a dart in his pajama pants.
What am I, gullible?
He's got his big chllible look he's got
he's got his big he's got his big chug and he's got his marlboro light and and he's not marlboro
red he's got the pajama pants oh my god all right that's all i needed to know that sums it up you're
right man he's a pin i'm reading stuff about like what he would do during 18-hole competitions.
He would drink often between 25 and 35 beers over the course of 18 holes.
In 2021, over the course of 18 holes, he smoked 21 cigarettes,
ate six packs of peanut M&Ms, and drank 20 Diet Cokes.
Oh, my God.
He's a legend, man. Yeah man 30 light beers over the course oh he says during his time going to the pga tour he would be up till about 7 a.m drinking before the day
of the competition and then he can recall sobering up around the 13th hole like that next day and he
like said he started he started that's when he starts remembering the competition isn't the final third of it
and he's like and how would he score
asses probably really good I didn't
uh because that would be interesting if he if he
like won the tournament or something
and he it was it was the title of
it was john daly like got black
out drunk you know and then shot
a blistering back nine
and so I assume it means
let me try and re-find it again like you're just
like fucking 25 i wonder where he's pissing if he's drinking that much beer just straight up
walk up to the fans yeah in the woods in his pants just make his field imaginable just fuck
no i like people i like people like that and i think that they're going to be fewer and further
between in the modern age of athletics i think they're going to be fewer and further between in the modern
age of athletics.
I think there's going to be fewer of those goofy guys who don't give a shit
about nutrition and don't give a shit about maximizing everything out and
min maxing everything.
I don't know if that kind of athlete is going to exist in 25 years.
Cause it wasn't long ago that there's plenty of, I mean,
there's still UFC fighters who are who are like bro that is not your
prime yeah come on what are you doing like there's still ufc fighters who just get by on gifts and
talent who's the crazy one perry right what's his full name michael perry yeah he like barely
trains his girlfriend is his coach and he still wins fights sometimes. Oh, isn't that guy who dropped the N-bomb
outside that club? Quite possibly.
There's a lot of... Does he have face tattoos?
I
don't remember.
He's
not a UFC champion, but the restaurant
champion for sure. He goes on that
circuit too.
I saw a cowboy lost his fight
and it was not a good fight.
He didn't look good.
It was sad.
He retired.
He put his gloves in his cowboy hat and retired there.
Retired for real?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's pretty sad.
Losing a loss – and not a loss like that.
It's a shame he couldn't have fought Joe, but Jim Miller was –
I mean, I knew Jim Miller was going to rough him up.
I couldn't see it going any other way.
I would have been surprised if Cowboy won.
But Cowboy's surprising sometimes.
Yeah, I felt robbed by that UFC fight.
That's one of those where I regretted spending my money after it was over.
This is the Israel Adesanya one?
Yeah, I'm not going to buy another Izzy card ever.
I'm done.
I bought the Costa card as well and regretted that one,
and I keep paying him money. I'm done. Did bought the Costa card as well and regretted that one. I keep paying him money. I'm done.
Did you see Chris Pratt's criticism?
I saw his criticism.
I saw a thing about him about religion, but
not about fighting.
I want to hear the thing about fighting.
I want to get the quote exactly
right.
It was a
very uneventful
fight.
Adesanya wants to stand up and be like be like a snake charmer um counter punching and and that's fine it's it's made him the best there
is i guess at that weight class but it's just not a really entertaining fight it's not the
kind of fight i want to watch and i'm gonna stop paying for him oh they're fine
he said i'm gonna say this as humbly as i can i've never stepped into the opticon i don't know the
game i'm just an actor but i'm not a fan man i'm not a fan of coming out like that all talk and
then just kind of putting on a little bit of pitter-pat performance like come on man you've
got to catch that big promise of being so badass that was how he responded to israel so people
know israel went out there and he told everyone what a badass he was i was going to clown to clown on this guy, that he was going to kick his ass, etc. And then he just
kind of walked backwards and point-fighted for five rounds and won a decision. Yeah, he just
kept his arm out while walking backwards. I don't know. I fell asleep. I didn't see the whole fight.
I swear to God, that's true. I didn't watch it. I went to the other room during the later rounds
and made a drink or something. The top Reddit comment regarding the fight was,
thank God nobody was hurt.
And Israel...
Now the whole world is kind of criticizing Israel
for really not...
I didn't know that. It's good.
He's getting a lot of heat right now for
point fighting.
He wasn't fighting. He was just trying to
look better to the judges.
I mean, he won in every respect,
but it was a terrible-to-watch fight.
And your main thing is you're an entertainer.
That's why I'm watching right now.
That's why I'm paying like $80 or $90
or whatever it comes out to per fight.
So, yeah, I'm not going to ever pay for another Izzy fight again, for reals.
If he's headlining the card, I'll just find another way to watch it.
I'll steal it.
Because the clip next day is awesome.
If you pay for ESPN+, did you really steal it?
I don't think so.
No, he's paying for it.
I don't think so.
I paid as much as I could.
You're not going to upset me.
You steal it all you want, man.
Yeah, I'm going to.
I'm going to.
I hope Joe gets a fight rebooked because he's had these last two fall through.
I don't know how long his knee will take to recover.
I haven't talked to him since the day he pulled out.
I was under the impression that he was good to go as soon as it popped in,
that it was like that sort of thing.
He may have said that.
This might be some breaking news i don't
know if i was he asked dana white if he could fight after the main card he's like i think i
can do it i think i could get in there let's go fight after the main card he wanted to be like
last and one more
like he was able to barely stand and he's like i got this. But I don't know, in terms of really being able to train
and go through a training camp, if he's there yet or not.
And he's an active guy.
You would assume he just ended one.
He's got kids.
There's that point in a lot of athletes' careers where it's like,
yeah, they might be able to keep going.
Ryan Kessler in the NHL was a good example of that.
He was a guy who played a rough game, and they were like, he can to keep going. Ryan Kessler in the NHL was a good example of that. He was a guy who played a rough game and they were like,
he can just keep playing.
He plays through the pain.
And now he's 38 years old worth tens,
you know,
probably $60 million,
but he's got a million problems.
He can't hardly leave his house because of all the GI issues from all the,
the drugs they were giving him to make it.
So he couldn't feel his,
given the choice,
he might be worth 50 million and poop.
Well, exactly. He might be, he might be worth $50 million and poop well.
Exactly.
If he had quit eight years earlier, he might be worth $35 million,
except he'd be able to go hiking.
He'd be able to play baseball, soccer, basketball with his kids.
He'd be able to jump and run.
And so, like, is it worth it?
Was that extra five years in the NHL now that he is going to deal
with a grueling remainder of his life physically?
That just doesn't seem worth it in the NHL now that he is going to deal with a grueling remainder of his life physically. That just doesn't seem worth it in the trade-off.
I don't know if Joe's in that same position
where if he's one bad leg kick
away from that knee being fucked or something.
Here's my tip.
Joe has one trick knee, which he can live with,
and if he's lost 5%
of his brain function, he's still way
above average. He's cool.
That's just not how brains
work.
Don't you question
my knowledge of brains.
Joe says it is.
I wouldn't disagree with
him in person.
Definitely not. I wanted to ask Josh.
I was over on your channel looking around.
You made a video talking about...
I didn't watch it intentionally because I wanted to let you talk about it.
So you were either roommates or buddies with a convicted serial killer while you were in?
Oh, yeah.
How did you meet him?
And then what was that friendship like or acquaintanceship, however it was?
Yeah, I guess I should say acquaintanceship because me calling him a friend,
I didn't realize people were going to get so pissed off about that.
But I guess I should say acquaintance.
I mean, I was in prison here.
As a disclaimer to everybody,
it's not like I just,
what am I supposed to go hang out with all the Boy Scouts
and the people that went to too much church and got arrested, you know?
But yeah, his name is Clarence Heatley.
He was known as the Black Hand of Death in New York.
He was a terror for a long time.
And he's a Talladega medium.
And a lot of people are always like,
he kidnapped Bobby Brown, for example.
That's what I discussed in the video.
There's a lot of evidence that he kidnapped Bobby Brown
and Whitney Houston paid the ransom money.
The dude was linked to 13 murders.
I had no idea that this dude was that big a shit
when I first met him.
He's just an old orderly now,
which is kind of ironic because in his criminal organization,
he had a set called the janitors that disposed of the bodies.
Now he's a janitor for the rest of his life in prison.
Well, that was his prerogative.
He came full-sourced, charismatic, if nothing else.
How did he murder people?
Was he a strangler?
Was he like a prostitute kidnapper and murderer?
Yeah, so the thing is he wasn't a serial killer for fun necessarily
like most other serial killers.
He was a serial killer by definition of having a certain amount of victims. But yeah, his typical thing is, he wasn't a serial killer for fun, necessarily, like most of the serial killers. No, it's hard work.
He's a serial killer by definition of having a certain amount of victims, you know.
But yeah, his typical thing was strangulation.
Many of the murders were not committed directly by him.
He was pinned individually with like 13, but like 50 have been linked to him and his crew.
You know, they called him the preacher crew.
There was some big movie about it called Paid in Full.
And I didn't watch that.
I actually read a few conflicting articles and apparently got some of my information wrong in that video. And boy,
let me tell you, am I hearing a lot about that? Um, but I had no idea that this dude was out on
the streets and he was a maniac terror, you know, that was like, they say, if you overdosed on
heroin in like the early or the late eighties, early nineties in New York city or something
like that, like it was his, you know, he had the whole police department bought off a multimillion
dollar. I had no clue that he was that big. I knew that he had been recode.
I'm sure you guys probably know what Rico act is.
You know, the record racketeer influence criminal corrupt organization, you know, just big money doing shady.
Is that like what they did for gangs where they could be like they wanted to knock gangs down?
And so they were like, well, if we do the Rico thing, then any sort of low level nonsense, we can connect transitively up to these big guys right
i'm up the ladder yep that's what exactly it's a mob thing yeah okay yeah and i had no idea he's i
knew he was doing life plus 200 some odd years but uh the case was a lot crazier than i thought and
it was just interesting reading this because he's he's had a stroke now i think you know he's kind
of hunched over he's got a walker now he's in his 60ies. If I'm not early sixties now, mid fifties, late fifties. And I met him and, um, man, it's funny because I just,
I don't know. Everybody seems to be weirded out by the fact that this dude was so evil,
but I shot the shit with him almost every day. I thought he was funny. He had a gnarly sense
of humor. And this is the joke that I told him the video that is the number one thing that stands
out to me about this guy. All right. I went to visitation one time. I don't even remember who
I was seeing at this point. I don't know if I saw my mom or one of my friends came to see me,
but he was there with his daughter. Right. And his daughter was she had dreadlocks and she was
holding hands with the other woman the whole time. And they were clearly very affectionate.
We were walking back and he called me Spider. He called me Spider-Man. You know, he's got a
Boston accent. I'm not good at accents, but he's got a very clear cut New York accent. You know,
he calls me Spider. I show up for Spider-Man because I wore my glasses when i was locked up and we're walking back man and i was like hey man hey it
was good to see you in there clarence you know like uh what's your he's taking another name now
that i don't normally go into just in case people are trying to he he's a muslim now he goes by
muslim name but um and i was like yeah that was your that was your daughter in there huh or who'd
you say that was your family he said oh yeah that's my daughter man she's uh she says she's
a lesbian now or something like that that's a little girlfriend that she had in there and i was like oh i mean i didn't really know what to
say to him i was like i mean it probably took you know courage to come in here and hot yeah i know
what do i say well that's kind of where we're going with this because uh uh i mean she kind
of looked a little bit like tracy chapman you know she looked like she drove a fast car oh but um
and so he was like yeah that's that's my daughter she told me and i was like uh that probably took
a lot of courage you know to come in here and tell her dad in prison, you know,
that she's out of the closet now.
And he goes, oh no, no, I don't care about all that.
I was just telling her, I said, honey, listen,
daddy's been locked up for a long time.
If you're kissing women now, he's got to see it.
All right.
That's the kind of interaction.
That's what I'm saying.
Like shit like that.
Maybe I've got a bad sense of humor,
but i laughed
my ass off when he said that i know he was i hope he was just kidding if he wasn't it's even funnier
i guess but you know what do we know about these supposed victims yeah wait a minute what were they
up to that they were hanging around with this guy you know to begin mostly drug dealers mostly drug
dealers that owed him money okay just fucking show a bunch of no good a bunch of no good he was cleaning the streets look at that man you know not only are they
dealing drugs they don't pay their bills on time hey no the crazy thing actually about that whitney
houston and bobby brown situation bobby brown didn't even owe this dude money bobby brown owed
somebody else money for cocaine this dude caught wind of it and went to that drug dealer and says,
how much does Bobby owe you?
And he said,
25 G's.
He said,
here's 25 G that's my debt.
And he said,
okay,
I'm good.
And so then Clarence went after Bobby Brown as the owner of the debt.
Now,
basically just real life debt collection company.
I've bought possession of this debt.
Now it's now in my hands.
Uh,
and went after him and kidnapped him.
Did he ask for more than the 25?
Way more.
Yeah. Like 400 grand, and went after him and kidnapped him. Did he ask for more than the 25? Way more. Way more.
Yeah, like 400 grand.
400 grand or half a million.
Hell yeah, he did.
That wasn't no quick, brief investment.
I'm about to extort the shit out of this guy.
You look like a Wolf of Wall Street over there.
He could have done that without buying the debt.
He couldn't have done it without the gun.
Probably, but here was the thing,
because I was thinking if he can't do that, Bobby Brown,
Bobby Brown's probably not going to be like,
oh, I'm sorry, did you get the clearance?
Did you pay my debt with homeboy over on the other street?
He's not going to ask questions like that,
but I think it would have been bad
for Clarence's dealings with that drug dealer.
He probably had no beef with that dealer,
so he wasn't going to claim in this guy's debt
if he really wasn't connected to it.
That could cause issues there is what I assume.
I didn't ask him about this
because I didn't know all this shit.
Here's the thing. Here's what I'm trying to get out he kidnapped bobby
brown and got whitney houston to pay a four hundred thousand dollar ransom to get him back
that has nothing to do with the debt that he owed like he pretends that they're linked he pretends
it made it just like it was an excuse the kidnapping yeah but really he could have done
that without buying the debt you're right absolutely i agree with i what you're saying. You're saying it was basically just an
excuse that he had. He saw an opportunity and just wheezed it his way. It kind of was credentials
with the criminals, if nothing else. Like, oh, no, it was legit. He owed money, bro,
and I just took care of it. Bobby was returned unscathed. I actually had the video. I have the
footage in my video of allegedly, I obviously don't know that it's real, him jumping out and
them giving each other a big hug and stuff. But I was wondering if that's actual footage of it.
Why was nobody arrested?
Who let Bobby out of that car?
Y'all ain't going to pull that car over or nothing?
Y'all just going to let him get away?
It was a crazy story, though, man.
I only knew him as the guy that, you know, he was always chill with me,
funny sense of humor.
And I actually took inspiration from him in a way.
And as dark as that sounds, that man's doing life plus 255 years,
man,
or life plus two 45.
He's not getting out.
And the thing is,
he thinks he is unless he's really,
he thinks that that's what he says.
Kyle.
Yeah.
Unless he's super,
super healthy.
He's not,
um,
he's doing what they all do after 25 years,
which is,
uh,
get to the turn into the drink,
you know what I mean?
And,
getting a little bit quieter and they always kind of seem to lose humanity.
Lose a little bit of their color after the 25, 30 years. I mean? And getting a little bit quieter. And they always kind of seem to lose humanity,
lose a little bit of their color after 25, 30 years.
Do people ever go into jail or prison, like, with a book to try and show,
like, all right, I'm in, like, if you walked in and were like,
no, this is just Mein Kampf, a book I keep on me.
It's just my favorite book.
Oh, you're Nazis?
Well, I'm certainly not someone you want to rape like like that um not that i know of or if i go in with like a bunch of malcolm x books and i'm
like i've got advanced vitiligo right you're saying like does anybody come in there already
waving a flag like the second they get in the door, which way they're going to be trying to signal.
Yeah.
Um, not that I can think of.
I mean,
I know a guy,
for example,
that had,
and,
um,
he wasn't exactly an acquaintance of mine,
but I knew him and he had Nazi things tattooed on his back.
You know,
it was,
uh,
I think the SS raising up a flag.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know.
Right.
I think it was a,
a corruption of the Washington where they were putting the American flag
down,
but it was a bunch of SS,
you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. So that being said now, listen, this is
where it gets tricky. He got that on the street. So he gets into prison and they're like, yo,
who gave you that? Where'd you get that? You're not supposed to have that. You get what I'm
saying? That's his side of the story from when I was at a low security prison where nobody's
going to challenge him on it. And I have no, you know, I have no way to verify that he,
you know,
but his side of the story is that they challenged him on it.
And he was like,
man,
I'm blah,
blah,
blah,
blah,
skinhead from the street,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah.
And y'all can't mess with me.
And that he rolled independent of the prison that he was at.
But like you said,
you know,
he was already kind of clearly delineated.
The thing with that is that even though all those tattoos look the same and
somebody out there is going to listen to this and think I'm an idiot,
even though it's the same logos, they're all in different damn gangs. This might be AB. This might
be AC. This might be a N. So I don't know. You know, you can't really just come in and like,
okay, you got a Swazi who you're rolling with. Uh, who are you guys rolling with?
You know, I know that they have their own little things to differentiate, but so you'd look like
a poser. You go in there with mine comp fresh from the bookstore thinking that it's going to
protect you. Nice crisp pages. Not even all wrinkled up yet.
You're like, what's your favorite part?
And you're just like, ah, just the whole thing.
The thing with the Microsoft Word.
There's too many good parts to pick one out.
The part they translated into English,
oh man, it was just beautiful.
Hey, why is that in a Barnes & Noble bag?
A receipt for this
morning. You're a poser.
I've destroyed my other
copy through over-reading.
Do actual neo-Nazis really read
Mein Kampf, though?
It is the only Nazi book I could think of.
Can you think of another one?
David Duke has a book, I'm sure.
Is he a Nazi?
Close enough. KKK. Did he write a book? I'm sure. Is he a Nazi? Close enough.
KKK.
Did he write a book?
I'm sure he did.
I just guess he did.
I mean, why wouldn't he?
He was a really influential racist, you know, for a long time.
Dude, he has his masters in racism.
Yeah.
Yeah, actually, he has a book.
He has a couple books.
My Awakening, A Path to Racial Understanding, The Secret Behind Cognizantism, and Jewish
Supremacism, My Awakening on the Jewish Question.
The Truth About the Goblins of Grigit.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, absolutely.
David Duke has multiple books.
Understanding Grigit.
Grigit Goblins.
New book from david duke me and my friend uh jk
standing photoshop me and wormwood this guy looks fucking weird if you pull up a photo of david duke
he's got like either he's been botoxed out of his mind, or he has the most uncanny valley face of anyone ever.
There's no wrinkles.
I'm almost positive that he used to go on talk shows all the time,
like Jerry Springer and Geraldo.
I think that Howard Stern used to have David Duke on
for game shows and stuff.
He's a politician.
If that is him, he looks so different
from his Wikipedia page.
He looks like a ghoul in his Wikipedia page.
Oh, did you guys see the thing about the Georgia Guidestones?
Yeah, and I don't
understand what it is really.
Firstly, let me tell you what the Georgia Guidestones are.
In Elberton, Georgia,
which is like 40 minutes
from where I grew up um we used to go to
all the time it's the granite capital of the world that's their little claim to fame
and what those stones are made out it's exactly what the fucking stones are made out of they've
been there since the 80s and uh basically it's this uh redneck stonehenge down in elberton
and uh on it written in I think English and Russian and
Swahili is a weird pick but also
Chinese and
a few of the bigger languages
are like these 10
sort of tenements if you will
for how to rebuild the world after an apocalypse
and it's sort of built there
to last through an apocalypse
and hopefully like the remnants of humanity
maybe read it in one of the languages that they still use and so retarded okay well some guy thought it
was a good idea and and under a pseudonym he had it uh created and no one ever knew who who built
it and there's this crazy lady politician in georgia who claims that it has something to do
with q anon i think it's specifically the part about the world
should have 500 million population so that humanity can live in equilibrium she claimed
q anon told her this i think yeah she's on the side okay she's not battling q oh yeah interesting
okay the 500 million thing is the only thing i've seen about the guidestones where it was like keep
keep humanity under half that's pretty much what i remember. But I don't know anything else.
So then the other night, someone showed up and I've got the security footage here.
Zach, I don't know if you can show that.
Oh, I haven't seen.
Sure.
Let's see.
Oh, my God.
I can read what that says.
I just saw the photo.
Somebody blew up part of the Georgia Guidestones, like fighting the good fight, I suppose.
It was just a look.
I've been there before.
It's a cool little roadside attraction.
You get out, you look at it, you're like, wow, that really is big.
That's crazy. There's a
kooky Republican who thinks that she's
getting messages from QAnon that says
that this group of stones
is a problem.
She went up there, talked about it in a debate
and in her campaign,
and somebody, probably not her exactly,
but someone inspired by her most likely
broke them.
Lame.
Did you say probably not her exactly?
Yeah.
Only probably, though.
I don't know.
Is she her jaw getting out of the woods?
In a pantsuit?
No, dude, I'm fine with this, and here's why.
That is one of the ugliest, least impressive monuments I've ever seen in my life.
You gotta see it in the daytime.
Zach, give us a daytime image.
Show us how embarrassing and small and little and stupid it is.
I'm feeling targeted with these insults.
Do you know why Stonehenge is impressive?
It's not because of the innate aesthetic.
It's because it's tens of thousands of years old.
This isn't impressive.
It doesn't look good.
They did this in the 80s.
Is it true that it's not thousands of years old?
This is really hitting home.
They were doing cocaine.
They had the beginnings of the internet,
and this is what they came up with?
This looks like dog shit.
If they're going to rebuild it, take the whole thing down, make it look better, make it look
cooler, maybe something a little metallic.
Make it digital.
You know, everyone's a critic.
I don't see your monuments.
I don't see your giant stones.
Anything is...
You tell me that doesn't look incomplete and shitty.
That thing's huge.
I think it looks all right.
It's terrible.
I bet it's 18 feet tall.
I cannot believe you guys are defending an ugly statue like that.
Oh, wow.
That's the aftermath today?
Hmm.
It didn't even make it uglier.
It kind of looks better.
That's after they blew it up.
Yeah, clearly.
Oh, is this afterward?
You can't tell because it's such an eyesore either way.
You were like, it's a little smaller.
It looks better.
Oh, shit.
Never mind.
It got destroyed.
But don't worry.
They've got a carving there so you can see when the solstice is.
The genius that made this.
What are the edible plants in my region?
No, bitch.
Here's solstice info.
If you need the big dipper, I got you, fam.
No, that sucks.
Make it maybe glass, metallic.
Nobody comes in here picking on the St. Louis Arch for no fucking reason.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, just because it looks better than anything in
your whole city. You can't pick on it.
What do you have? Ugly buildings?
I mean, I don't know. What's the name of that really cool
Atlanta architecture? We got Six Flags.
What's the name?
Touche.
We have a viper.
Masterpiece of human architecture.
Clearly, you've never seen the Batman.
We literally have a Batman at the Six Fl flag st louis they're identical they're identical they're all every six flag what a
disappointing road trip that would be we're gonna go to every six flags in america it's the same
thing the batman again well this time the superman is called the flash so i guess it's
i don't think it's exactly the same thing.
We've got Goliath here.
I don't know if anybody else has Goliath.
Is that the one that falls or the one that shoots you up and then backwards?
Neither.
It's just a gigantic coaster.
You go really high, and the way you're seated is kind of traditional,
but you're also more open than normal.
It's a really good one.
And I like Acrophobia.
That's the one that just drops you straight down.
It's that thing that Fat Kid died last summer on.
I don't think...
Those are amusement rides.
Does he have less value
because he's fat?
I mean, more value when he hits the ground
if we're doing math.
In terms of mass and inertia, that's no big deal.
I think that anyone
who's fat enough to die on an amusement park
ride deserves what they got.
I retell the story over and over about how sorry I felt.
I don't make fun of fat people in real life.
Just here because there was this couple in front of us
getting on this goddamn roller coaster.
I'm serious.
It's sad.
This bitch tried to get on, and her boyfriend fit just fine.
It was Superman the ride. Zach, can you show us fine. It was the kind of, it was Superman,
the ride.
If you can,
Zach,
can you show us the seating for Superman?
The ride down it,
you start on like a bicycle seat and then you pull the,
the clamshell down over yourself.
And this poor girl,
it would not close.
And an attendant came over and started like really giving it the business, trying to make it close on her.
Yeah, perfect.
He was in the front because I remember I had the flash pass.
So I'm like right behind her.
And we're the couple on the left and they're the couple on the left.
And there came a time when the attendant was like,
I just don't think you're going to fit, ma'am.
And they had to get off, disembark.
And the boyfriend or whatever was a gentleman about it he i would have stayed and rode the
ride i waited in line i'll meet you at the exit yeah i'll take a picture i'm gonna take the quick
i'm gonna take the fun way and uh and no they both got off and and walked away and it was real sad
because even with a flash pass it it's a 20-minute wait.
You know what that boyfriend needed?
A smaller girlfriend.
Or a bigger roller coaster.
Yeah.
That's bigotry.
They should fucking
tape her to the underside.
Let her enjoy the ride.
Maybe we should just let her sit sideways in two seats.
I've seen someone get kicked off a roller coaster exactly once also. It was at Six Flags when I was a kid
and it was a really big fat man. And it was at the
Batman. The Batman is the exact same sitting situation of the one that was just linked
except there's no foot guards. It's just your feet are dangling.
And he was there and this guy trying in futility to get it to close,
you know, and then trying to just do the strap instead of doing the click,
just strapping it in.
And he couldn't do that.
And like, I must have been like 10 or 11.
And I remember like feeling such intense emotion,
seeing that of like sadness and like empathy of like, oh my God,
that poor guy, like he's probably thinking about everyone looking at him and like how of like oh my god that poor guy like he's probably thinking
about everyone looking at him and like how humiliating that must be this poor person
it like ruined part of my day i remember that because i was like so sad all day i i get do
you guys get like like obviously you're empathetic when people are feeling bad all the time but like
are there certain things for you that like a trigger of empathy like when i see someone with like a lazy eye i'm like dude i'm so sorry like i have so much i have yeah a handicap obviously
but i was thinking of a lighter one like a lazy eye i'm like that's so sad that's like like people
are probably bullying you and being kyle you're muted uh people are like bullying you and being
mean to you and there's nothing you can do about it that breaks my heart for those people.
You know what?
I'm really sensitive to people who have speech impediments
that aren't Elon Musk.
He has a speech impediment?
He's got something going on.
He can't fucking talk.
He's fucking ill.
What is illiterate for talking?
That's what he is.
I thought he was just South African and autistic.
Yeah, he is.
He has Asperger's, and Woody likes to mock his disability for some reason.
Asperger's is not made to talk like that.
They describe, read these articles.
I looked into it.
I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?
And they're like, he thinks so fast and he's so smart that his mouth can't say all the words that are zooming through his giant brain and i'm like
he's not pinky he's not the brain you fuck this guy anytime you have actual expertise in the thing
he's talking about like in my case it's software development he's full of fucking shit and i'm
pretty sure if i was an expert in batteries he'd be full of shit there and i was an expert in like
radar whatever he'd be full of shit there too all I was an expert in radar or whatever. He'd be full of shit there too. All he does is tell lies and get people to buy that fucking car he invented
four years ago and has barely improved upon since then.
Like Matt was on the show last week saying,
it's the same car.
He just repackages it.
All he does is tell lies.
You hate that guy.
He's been fucking selling lane centers.
All he does is tell lies. He's not cooking. He's hot chips. Hold on. you hate that guy he's been fucking selling lane centering he's been selling lane centering as a ten thousand dollar upgrade called autopilot
since i was a young man what kind of horse shit is that lane centering glorify you're a young man you know a relatively young man but he's just he's full
of shit he doesn't deliver what he's the only reason america is in space right now
next year we're coming out with this car and then six years later hadn't if ford said give me ten
thousand dollars now and i'll give you cruise control someday buy my car it'll
be an auto driving taxi that makes you money while you're at work that shit's not happening
but he told people that to sell cars he's a lying sack of shit he's a marketer
big yeah he's the reason that america's in space now. He's the reason those Ukrainians have any internet.
And he's led an electric car revolution
that's gotten the big boys involved
to try to compete with him.
And it's going to lead to tons of great electric vehicles
from multiple manufacturers.
Going forward, I'm going to ask that your points
not be so good.
Yeah, those are all pretty salient.
Yeah, not going to lie.
He also made PayPal, which really rocks.
Wow, PayPal.
Some service that helps billions.
Oh, okay.
Never used that one before.
Oh, jeez, PayPal.
Yeah, I don't use that for primary source of income.
And, you know, it seems like he gets a lot of pussy, too,
because he's got a lot of kids.
Apparently nine now. That guy is so funny pussy too Because he's got a lot of kids Apparently not now
I bet he's paying his child support
Yeah
That guy
I would sire his child if I could
And I can become a girl
Just by declaring so
And then get that child support
I'm down for it
That's what everybody else did apparently
You're right about like
When he says stuff about
people's expertise. I mean I think this applies to every
like Steve Jobs-y guy. People
who like to in a marketing sense
be the visionary but in reality they're going
into the engineers and being like
figure this out. I'm gonna go
and pretend that I understand how the circuits work
because you're all too autistic. Even more autistic than me.
Like I think
that's what it really is is he's
just he's just an autistic
guy who is trying to do
like a Steve Jobs impression sometimes
and he's not very good at it
because he's on like his second
or third good company it depends on
if you count how many like companies he's doing right now
with SpaceX and Tesla and
I guess the solar roof thing is pretty much
it's a good in fairness to is pretty much a good ratio.
It's kind of its own separate thing, the internet satellites.
I don't know. Is that separate
from SpaceX? Let's make it separate.
He's got the internet thing, SpaceX, Tesla,
and then PayPal, which he's not doing currently, but let's
give him credit for the success that it was.
He's pretty good at making companies awesome,
I suppose.
SmartBotSwitch chat was recently talking about how,
and it didn't ever even come to my attention.
He said something recently that got attention again.
I don't remember what it was,
but it was another similar to like what he was just talking about,
declaration of this vast, amazing technology
that's going to come out in no time.
And of course, my immediate reaction when I read it was like,
yo, that's so hype.
And then my Twitch chat was talking about it.
And they were like, dude,
think about how many times he said, we're have this by this date you know and so i think
that i love the way that he thinks i definitely see him as a visionary you know that wants this
shit to happen but i think it's mostly marketing you know what i mean i love the direction he's
going i love what he's trying to work towards but i gotta stop taking the shit that he says
i gotta start taking up the grain of salt you know yeah you're a link and all kinds of self-driving
cars and it's kind of like what he said is like him talking about something you like i just need a 30 second clip of him
talking about hockey that's all i need because if he if he was like and another thing we uh
fighting in hockey is unacceptable it's violent and barbaric i'd be like shut down tesla close
everything i will never give this guy a dollar.
He's a fool.
Ending fighting in hockey, an absolute fool.
Who could think that?
And then I'd be on board.
But I don't think he's going to talk about hockey.
It's not a big sport in South Africa.
Yeah, he's going to talk about middle ground.
He's going to talk about Lord of the Rings.
The thing that's always –
He should have written the Eagles, fuck you!
Right straight to the oomph you i watched that documentary uh about him
and the spacex thing and uh or maybe or maybe it was somewhere else where i saw him being
interviewed and the guy played him some footage of maybe buzz aldrin or fucking neil armstrong
basically saying that someone like elon musk could never like have a space company and their
rockets wouldn't work and that that was the purview of nation governments
and that little individuals didn't have anywhere to go.
And Elon Musk started crying.
And I felt really – he started crying when they played that for him.
And I've kind of been on his team ever since
because that was like one of his heroes saying something
kind of crushing about what he was trying to do. And really it made him cry i don't know i like that
even if it's not you know buzz aldrin in my case i know what you mean like if i was in a band or
something and you know paul mccartney was like josh blalt sucks and his music's never going to
be popular i'd probably be pretty devastated yeah if someone you respected like that said
said something like that remember what buzz aldrin punched that guy out yeah that was awesome that was sick i watched that documentary with that
guy recently that guy's so aggravating oh did you land on the moon oh i know you didn't land
on the moon i can prove it you're a coward you're a liar and a coward and buzz aldrin popped him one
deserve deserved in my opinion so good that dude's crazy i saw a documentary with him he
is like dedicated his entire life to following around the astronauts that he says claimed they went to the moon.
That dude is crazy, bro.
Really?
That was multiple times that he had come sideways at that astronaut like that.
It was Buzz Aldrin.
I thought Buzz Aldrin popped him the first time he ever met him, but I guess not.
He'd taken all he could take.
Now, it could be because he knew who he was.
I very well could be misinterpreting it.
I was under the impression they had come across each other,
but he didn't know who he was.
That doesn't necessarily mean that he harassed him like that.
You're right.
Yeah, what a maniac.
Yeah, he said, I've got documentation to prove it and all this.
I have to admit, up until I met Wendigoon,
I really wasn't all that into conspiracies in general.
When people start talking about conspiracies,
I just kind of tuned it out. It's not very interesting to me. But man, I did see some stuff that into conspiracies in general. When people start talking about conspiracies, I just kind of tuned it out.
It's not very interesting to me.
But man, I did see some stuff
that made the moon landing looked really sketchy to me.
And I was questioning myself like,
I can't question this.
That's crazy people talk
because they were like showing about
how the foot sinks in three inches,
but the space shuttle didn't sink in.
And it had me convinced for a minute.
And then I just read all the explanations.
I saw like either Japan or India.
I don't remember which,
maybe even South Korea south some foreign space agency flew around the moon the other day and like took pictures of the of the landing yeah you know it would have been a globally coordinated
effort here to try and pretend we went to the moon yeah and i saw this documentary and it was
so good and at the end of it i was like this is how they get people like this because i'm gonna
go look up the answers to these questions instead of insisting there is no answer to them you know
and they were talking about why a foot seemed like it sunk in but it didn't look like the
shuttle did etc etc and that we landed there and i was like that solves it i think we'll go back to
the moon and uh and at some point soon ish i think with our lifetime we'll go to the moon um they
kept my whole lifetime we've been talking about mars and i
don't think it's going to happen in our lifetime i don't think we're going to do it i think any
closer are we any closer oh we could do it right now if we want nilan musk it's just it's just
spending the money like and it would be a one-way trip at this point right is what if i understand
correctly no well i read an article about that uh when i was in county jail 10 years ago they
could make it a one-way trip and it would be
a lot easier.
I don't think they're going to get many volunteers until
they lie and say it's a two-way trip.
True. We're not looking for volunteers
to colonize. We're talking about the first man
or woman to step foot on the planet.
You know what would actually be a good way to do it?
Three or four guys.
You know how Australia
was just like Britain sending rapists and murderers
and thieves yeah let them storm the beach man like ship a bunch of criminals out there
to go first see you're under the impression that that there aren't like highly trained experts
chomping at the bit to get no they're, they're there too, but we're not going to let highly trained experts take
needless risks on Mars.
If there's something where it's like,
how deep is this pit?
Well...
You don't take from the top.
You need answers.
You just push them in and tell them to count
out loud and you wait until they stop.
How hot is Mars fire?
We don't know. how hot is mars fire we don't know yeah i don't i don't know mars fire there's there's no mars fire they they is there not
you couldn't light a fire on mars no why not there's not enough you need like a oxygen tank
there's barely an atmosphere at all much less oxygen oxygen. Okay, well, you need like a Bunsen burner or something
and see what would happen, right?
Because then that would be an external fuel.
It could start the fire.
I would assume so, unless it uses a lot of oxygen.
Have you seen like the way...
I think it was a NASA thing that, thank God we know this,
for the billions of dollars.
If you light a match in space,
the flame just stays around it in a circle.
And think, guys, think of the applications.
I'm not even going to get into them.
It would take all of us to know.
So much of space travel seems to be like, we need this for technology.
It's like, what are you coming up with?
Dry water?
They've been leading on Velcro
for 30 years now. 50 years.
I don't know. Oh yeah, Velcro and
Why have we gone from hating
on Elon Musk to the entire space
agency? What has space ever
done for me? Yeah. So many things.
Produce the planet? Hopefully. Do you know
what GPS is? No.
Josh, the construction of this planet
saved us from the harshness of space in space though it is still the it is still the cradle
for earth look yeah i live in space personally i've spent most of my life in space i'm a big
fan of space personally no i'm a terrestrial boy through and through we say fuck satellites and all that i
didn't even think about gps personally i was like you know we really haven't done all that much in
space but you know yeah gps is pretty nice g okay they satellite tv huge huge w gps clocks
no one's taking gps away i couldn't find my house without GPS. Yeah, I remember Garmin.
Do you remember Garmin being a thing you could put in your car like in 2002, 2003?
Was that the little GPS thing?
It was the little GPS that had a bag of sand it sat on.
And it sat on the top of your dash.
And that revolutionized.
That changed the game for me because I was no longer worried about getting lost all the time
that's been around for 20 years
what have you done for me lately
is what I would say to NASA
we made faster GPS
and it's on your phone now
that's about it
well at least accessible instantly on your phone
I think that might be about the leap and bound here
yeah but that's double counting GPS
the fact that I have no answers for you
says nothing about the fucking space engine.
I think it says everything.
I think everyone listening can draw their conclusions in time.
If a layperson can't explain the benefits of space travel, damn it.
I think, yeah, but we don't get any benefit from that.
I guess Google Earth is pretty sick,
but we get to play that stupid game.
Yeah, GeoGuessr.
All right, okay.
GeoGuessr W. That is two, but GeoGuessr. All right. Okay. GeoGuessr W.
That is two,
but GeoGuessr is just a form of GPS.
So it's really trying to triple count the same GPS.
I don't think it requires satellites at all, though.
It's just that truck driving around taking pictures, right?
What is one thing?
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, but how would they know where to go?
The satellite is a probably just drive.
By that logic, all things are GPS.
So don't do that.
Whoa!
No, I don't like it.
I don't think they've done anything useful in the last 20 years.
GPS, like all the examples of GPS triple counting.
What have they done?
Have they made a more
tastier chicken?
Like anything like that?
Y'all know a real physicist will be shutting us down.
Tractors are self-driving now.
I'm going to quadruple count GPS.
What does it use
to self-drive?
I don't know.
They've done so much more than GPS. Here's five things
immediately related to global positioning.
They keep making it better.
I think the future of that,
the next big leap is being able to mine an asteroid
and maybe bring it close enough that you have this.
You could go fetch an asteroid
and bring it into our orbit or something
and just be up there mining it at close orbit
at your leisure and sending whatever the raw materials
back to Earth. You think that would like destroy
like Earth's economy? Like imagine
that we do that and we pull it off and it's
a meteorite or asteroid with
literally as much
gold as is on Earth
or something. Yeah, that's an
interesting thought because I've heard
them like talk about asteroids that
would be like that. They would be so rich in rare earth materials like things that here are very rare but wouldn't
be perhaps in an asteroid trillion dollar asteroid right it probably it'd become like the debiers
corporation where like whatever company owns the gold infinite supply would just release it in such
a slow measured supply that they could artificially inflate the price and that's kind of the whole
point of the expanse right that you know you've got those guys out there mining
the asteroid belt and sending the raw materials back to earth and mars the inner planets but
they've just built cities on the bigger asteroids and they're they're flying around mining them all
the time no i think that's like the next if humanity lives for another 100 or 200 years i
think that that's our next big thing is mining asteroids.
It has to be.
Probably that before colonization, I would think, yeah.
It would drive colonization.
It would be like a gold rush for space.
The same way the gold rush drove so many people
from the east and the west of California.
Imagine this, zero calorie food.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Like the applications of space travel. If they came up
with zero-calorie food...
Like a pill you take and it has all the nutrients.
They make zero-calorie food. It just sucks.
Well, zero-calorie
food is... Have you heard of celery?
Yeah, not celery. Like steak. Zero-calorie
steak. Zero-calorie shrimp.
Zero-calorie surf and turf.
There's more than just steak and shrimp, but that's what I'm thinking about.
Keep naming foods.
So what's the purpose of zero calorie?
What's the purpose of it?
Like, so you don't have to.
I think he just wants to have a big meal.
So you can overindulge and not feel bad about it.
I thought that was.
Oh, so like literally not.
I thought this was like you were saying for us to get deep into.
How about this?
We're going to have to make this zero calorie.
But no, no, this is just about like if if they could do that think of the marketing potential who would
have to be sold on zero calorie food no one everyone would be good so you know how you ever
see one of those cows that has the port in its side so that you can see its digestive system
yeah no i've seen clear sides on motorcycles so you can see how they do this to cows too.
So really they, they, they cut a hole, like a vinyl window at a cow.
Almost. They cut a hole in the side. Show us a picture of Zach. Look up, um, cow with port inside.
That'll do it. That'll do it. Cow skylight. But they have this, they got this hole in the side with a plug so they can like pop the plug out and reach in and like be like, this is how the cow's stomach works.
You see, I think that what you want.
This is true.
Zach's about to show us what you want is one of these, Taylor.
And you want one of these ports where your belly button is.
And every time you have a meal, you just take your shop back and you stick it in the port and you suck the meal back out of your stomach.
And then you go right back to dinner.
And I know what you're thinking And I know what you're thinking.
I know what you're thinking.
I don't want a port in my belly button.
But where they're going to come in eight different styles.
I've got an eight ball.
Mine looks like an eight ball.
And it's styled.
And this is called sixpackforyou.com.
I install them.
Can I have a skull and crossbones on that?
Ah, option three, yes.
That's like a heart made out of a domino.
I thought this idea was stupid
until I imagined my belly button
replaced with one of those ship's wheels
with all the prongs out the side.
Oh, a week.
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.
Now I'm in.
And you're going to feel stupid
until you're
10,000 calories into a feast
and it's all just being fed into a bucket
that you then go donate.
What the fuck is with these cows?
That one's leaking out of his port.
It's not leaking.
It's because they put diesel in it.
That's a diesel-powered cow.
That cow looks miserable.
That's not miserable.
Hey! I'm Steve-O, and this has put sugar in your cow's gas tank.
This cow's totally not going to work anymore.
So the purpose of this, in my experience,
has been for an educational type thing so that you can show the multi--chambered heart um stomach of a cow and
how it ruminates and digests and everything it was part of school we looked at a cow and the guy
reached inside of it and got some goo out and showed us the the goo and and it doesn't hurt
the cow at all oh no we all took turns really this really does look no no nothing like that
that looks evil to you to be uncomfortable it would be uncomfortable The cows love it
They like it when you scratch them behind the port
They like it when you open it up and give their little
Intestine massage
It's on the inside of the udder, it makes their leg kick
Poor gals
It's a little sad, I guess
I think that if aliens came down and didn't differentiate between intelligences,
they were like, oh, the humans, they're like this tiny amount smarter than the cows,
but they keep the cows and that pen still their babies and put ports in their stomach.
We'd look like some real villains.
See, but I don't buy that thing.
We're like, what race would be so beyond our intelligence
that that intelligence and analytic ability would prevent them from discerning between two wildly different populations, i.e. us and cattle?
If they were that smart, they would not go, they are all similar in our eyes.
They would be like, well, this is clearly the dominant species on Earth, much smarter than the rest, pretty dumb by our standards.
But look how they subjugate the lower creatures.
than the rest. Pretty dumb by our standards.
But look how they subjugate the lower creatures.
Do you differentiate between insects?
Are you like ants are so much smarter than
grasshoppers and rodents? If grasshoppers
had societies that
had buildings and structures
and organized... You see a termite mound?
Literally, ants do that.
Ants must think themselves
the humans of the insect world.
Look at this. We have a queen.
We have a social structure.
We have –
Bees do something similar.
We're building structures with these tunnels underneath.
Crickets, on the other hand, just jump around like idiots.
They're not smart like us ants.
That is true.
Here, we are so much smarter than both crickets and ants, me at least.
You are not getting this.
We think that crickets and ants are basically similarly stupid right hey you
guys the same way that i mean we but even just now in this conversation we revealed that we
do put value on the ability of the ant to form structures now you say we hierarchically on the
other hand weren't getting it therefore in the hierarchy of people i'm just i don't know it
seems like i'm implementing your argument to beat what you were trying to say.
The problem here, Taylor, is if the aliens send
astronauts like you wanted to, they send those
retards, then they're not going to be able to differentiate
between anything. They're just going to
kill us all.
If you want to take
my argument and act like it's yours, then I'll
just call you Elon.
Yes, this is true.
Maybe the aliens that come
don't even have bodies. Maybe they're like
machine people, like intelligences
in a machine. So when they look
at humans and ants,
there's not a huge difference.
Because they're all biological.
They wouldn't be living, though.
They would have been created by something else.
They could have taken their intelligence and injected
it into machinery long ago,
and now they travel the endless reaches of space with their infinite lives living in their machine craft.
That's a real sci-fi theory.
That's what I assumed he meant is the continued consciousness in a machine.
Why not?
Would it be their consciousness?
Isn't that interesting?
Now that is a different topic.
How would you download it?
It would be like copy and pasting a document.
So you would die, and then a mimicry of you would survive.
That's the whole transporter paradox.
Yeah, that's the transporter paradox in Star Trek.
So when you beam someone to one place or another,
it tears you into a million tiny pieces down your atoms,
remembers how they were stuck together,
and tells the machine somewhere else to build a new you,
basically, with the atoms in the same place.
And you pop out and you're like, hey, I made it.
But it's not really you.
You died back on the fucking Enterprise, jackass.
Yeah, and it's just a new you every time, right?
Season one, Captain Picard, you're dead.
And Bones never wanted to get on the thing, and he kept making him.
It was mean.
Died over and over again.
I would say that I look at most animals, and this is not correct,
but this is like a blanket way of looking at it.
I look at pretty much animals as animals.
That's not really correct.
Some monkeys use kind of tools,
you know,
and some,
some species of animals,
dolphins seem to have really intricate communication.
Both those species discovered houses.
Oh yeah.
And,
and utilize it to the fullest extent,
which very few species have successfully pulled off by the way.
I can't be true.
I think they all know how to rate.
You ever see a frog gang bang. I've seen some dogs where it was definitely the way. The orangutan. That can't be true. I think they all know how to rape. You ever see a frog gangbang?
I've seen some dogs where it was definitely
not consensual.
I was looking today. The frogs getting this big
pod together, this mash.
And the females
just start spraying
eggs everywhere. And the males
show up and they just jizz.
They jizz. They shoot
more cum than I do. it's and it's this
big foamy like eruption of good for them and they're and like five or six of them at a time
are just covered in eggs and cum and they're just doing that rivet thing all balled up together it
looks like a hell of a time so it's like six males all hoping that they're spurned google
zach would you google frog orgy real quick and
you're going to get a picture of like a bunch of little green
tree frogs all balled up together fucking
and there ought to be a lot of foam
I want a lot of foam
extra foam
gay frog orgy
I want to see if Alex Jones is on to something
actually I went hardcore and
binged frog orgy
you cannot show these images hardcore and binged frog orgy. You cannot show these images.
Damn frog.
Don't bing it.
Bing.
The search engine for degenerates.
Too big is where the port is.
The pedophile search engine.
Someone was telling me
that. Nine out of ten pedophiles agree.
Yeah, absolutely. It's also the
search engine of Wings of Redemption.
Coincidence?
Let's find out.
That is frothy.
I've seen that video.
Wait, is that the frog?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, that's come.
That's come.
Oh, it's frog.
They're all dumping loads on the big piles of eggs.
There's like one poor girl under there somewhere, allegedly.
Oh, poor.
She's having the time of her life.
She was literally made for
this this is her maximum dopamine absolutely biological she was built for it and no other
purpose than to be which one is the female yes that's what they're asking right now which one's
the female well sorry frank again like they're having they're i think they're just like shooting
eggs out and then they're like coming all over the eggs so like i don't even know why they're just shooting eggs out and then they're coming all over the eggs. I don't even know why they're hanging around.
Yeah, I knew that.
There has to be a lock and load tie-in.
What else do they possibly have to do
other than hang out?
If they were taking lock and load,
only one frog could have made that much fun.
We've seen it with frog cum.
Thank you, Zach.
I don't think there's any lock and load
in this week's Rotating GIF.
Well, there should have been.
God damn it.
We saw the best cum pills on the internet and it's important that people know about in there the finest
cum pills money can buy people so if it's worth i was gonna say i think that all animals are
basically same degree of intellect man that's not no they're not they're not no i'm just saying that
i look at it as like we got humans and then everything else is on that totem pole of
they're kind of conscious or not.
That's not true.
They're species or something.
Yeah, it's definitely.
I'm more into Homo sapiens over all other species, man.
I think they're the master species.
Oh, yeah.
Gay.
I'm just going to say that I'm coming right here on P.K.
I think the Homo sapiens, the master species on planet Earth.
I'd rather it's possible an alien wouldn't think i'm really worthy of life i guess
you know i mean i i don't say i i used to hunt when i was younger you know i'm a felon now
obviously but i used to go kill deer deer don't build houses but i stomp on an ant hill when i
see it i kind of regard them both as stomp on them i'm alpha not anymore but when i was younger
i still do yeah i'll stomp on it i thought we're gonna i thought we're about to connect
yeah i will i'll connect with you on
that one if i said i'm in mississippi now i'm in new orleans here i'll tell you what i i could be
real spiteful i saw an ant on the like one of those big orange army ants was running yeah i
was moving and i was so tired and sweaty but i saw one down on the asphalt and i sprinted
so there'd be one less of those
cocksuckers in the world they look like they hurt so much if they ever stung you
glowing orange you had to go yeah they're huge fucking army ants here they're like solitary ants
i've never seen more than one yeah bugs i have no empathy for but i would i i would crucify a
cricket and put it on my front lawn as a warning for other crickets if need be oh like when when flies get in my house i'm i'm a master with it with a dish dishcloth my wife
i want to watch you because i'm an artist with that dishcloth i'm so i'm so i'm so fast with it
that they samurai can fly i'm a samurai i'm an absolute dojo master i just moved into this house and i
saw a roach ran up the bathroom wall i'm gonna have to get the exterminator in here but anyway
this cocksucker ran up the bathroom wall and i grabbed a shoe and i went after him
and i didn't want to smash him into the wall you know i don't want to make a mess so i just like
tapped him well he falls into the tub and he's all crippled now and i feel a little bit bad because
he's one of the little ones and and so i go to finish him off, give him the coup de grace.
But I missed, and I only hit his ass.
And it just smushed his ass.
And now it's just the front legs.
And he's trying to crawl out of there like a monster.
Like one of those guys in that We Were Soldiers movie
when the napalm hits him.
He's just like the front ends just just trying to crawl away and i had
to try to go down the drain i honestly felt bad for him have you seen those salt guns that you
pump and shoot got one i have one in the other room that my brother bought me it's like a joke
birthday gift earlier this year and what it is it's a it's a you put table salt in the top and then you pump it
and it loads like a shot of a little shot of table salt and then you shoot it and it's very short
range but it shoots salt and that's supposed to kill bugs and if first of all no no he's all it
does not at all kill but i you if you try it on a wasp you're fucking ridiculous because there's
zero chance this shit is doing anything but upsetting a wasp we got the 2.0 i've gotten
like there's like i've abandoned the the salt shotgun in favor of my old dish towel with flies
because i'm better at whipping the dish towel like i was i was doing range practice for the
past couple weeks where i'll be like oh a fly in my kitchen i'd go grab it and cock it and i'd be like okay i'm five feet away okay that just moved him a slight
bit all right let's wait 20 minutes to see him again i there was a 2.0 and it kills flies but
there was a beetle like a little it looks it was the same shape as like a tiny little silverfish
but i got close enough to see that it wasn't a silverfish it was a beetle long skinny bitches yeah it was a long skinny thing i thought it was the biggest silverfish
i ever seen but it was some weird forest bug that got in my house and i was like oh i'm gonna it was
on the wall and so i went this is just last night i got my salt shotgun i cocked it i went in my
dining room it was about like nine feet tall up on the wall and i shot it
that's exactly what it is bug assault i got the upgrade and it hit it and not even enough to knock
it off the wall it just staggered it and so then i cocked it again and like reached up extended to
where the barrel was like maybe three inches from it and i blasted it and it comes down and it's
like wings are still working now it's on the ground and it's moving and i blasted it and it comes down and it's like wings are still working
now it's on the ground and it's moving and i'm just going oh bang bang you're ready for me over
i used an entire top container of salt and i shit you not it took me probably eight minutes
to kill this bug and because i was trying to kill it from range and then by the end
I was just like execution style
putting it directly above it
and like it was still thrashing around
afterward and shit what I realized
about five minutes into this
bloodbath was that the salt
was only strong enough
to dismember all of its little
bug limbs and so it got
to the point where like I was looking like,
all right, he's not moving.
He must be close to death.
I got a little closer.
No, it's just it had blown all of its legs off.
It looks like a roly-poly.
Except for one crawler.
I was like, this is horrific.
And so I got it with one more just right in the back.
And it blasted it underneath my drink cart
where I keep my wine glasses
and my wine and vodka and stuff.
It died a painful death
under there, I think. I found it the next morning.
Oh, you found it this morning dead.
I found it this morning. I went under there.
Had it crawled all the way to your living room with one leg?
Yeah, I was about to say.
You found it in another room?
There's so many bugs around here because I live so close
to the woods like i i
found a brown recluse the size of this fucking you know sponsor weed container the other day
and like it was so foolish that it thought i wasn't awake at 1 a.m and that i could just walk
across the kitchen floor no no i pinned it crushed it enough for it to feel it but not to kill it
i want it to know i want it to i'm kidding i kill it right away i'm just i'm not gonna slowly crush a bug but
yeah brown recluse are the worst bugs out there the the the what about the murder hornet okay not
as bad the brown recluse is the worst thing we have around here no i think because there's a
million billion of them in all of our walls in Missouri. Apparently like Missouri is the Brown recluse,
like,
like home,
home turf.
I've been bit by a Brown recluse too.
Like usually it just,
uh,
I got bit on my arm and it just kind of formed a little,
cause they tell you it's going to bore out a hole in your arm.
But apparently that's only if it's like a big boy and you're already like not
that healthy.
Right.
All it did for me, it gives you like this scab that's like raised.
And it feels like, you know, like if you were to like put a pen tip with the point out,
like under a piece of cloth and you were to feel the smooth cloth and then the rub over
the pen tip, it's like a really hard feeling like right under the skin and then it just
fades away.
But I also know people that have like got little little like holes in their skin
from them okay dead flesh in the dick oh no his dick rotted off yeah did he just
that's the story they always told us as kids like like be careful with that guy that guy's dick
rotted off because he was embarrassed to tell anybody always tell kids if something's wrong
with your dick tell like i will i promise i'll protect the
family jewels i mean like for for a brown recluse to like rot an appendage off or like bite you in
the pinky and have it rot your pinky you would have to have full knowledge that your pinky was
rotting for like eight days and be like i'll handle this tomorrow i went to the hospital
like procrastinating as you're seeing bone exposed.
You get bit on the balls and you're embarrassed.
You're like, maybe it's just an infection.
Maybe it'll like.
I won't be.
Maybe, you know, like some people don't realize they have a serious medical situation going on.
It is.
And it's a product of our American system, right?
That a lot of people wait until it's too long to go.
And it's expensive. Because we've spent our whole lives being like, it's too long to go. And it's so expensive.
Because we've spent our whole lives being like,
would I be silly to go?
Hang on.
Let me have some juice.
Give me some juice.
See how it feels tomorrow.
Because if juice fixes this and it saves us $8,000,
then we're going to feel real lucky tomorrow.
Let me try a little emergency powder.
That'll do the trick. $10,000 then we're gonna feel real lucky tomorrow but then let me try a little emergency powder a little airborne pill like i'm going on a flight you know there's those borderline cuts we're just
like ah is this stitches or not i think it's stitches and you're like you like look on the
inside and you can see deep down inside yourself you're like yeah yeah i need a little stitchy here
yourself you're like yeah yeah i need a little stitchy here yeah stitches not as bad as i thought like i remember my my like memory of stitches comes from when i was a child and like someone
would get hurt and they'd come to school and be like i had to get five stitches it was horrible
and it's like so they just sew you up like you're some grim poppet like what the fuck
but like after being an adult
and getting it's like oh those were just my five year old
friends were freaking out as
five year olds are wanted to do
yeah I fell a lot as a kid
so I was I don't know I had to get
stitches on my like chest
like torso area like right down here
somewhere I fell
on like it's a big deal it's like three stitches when I was a kid
it was just like, what'd you,
what'd you fall onto?
Glass bottle in a parking lot.
So it was just,
it had to be stitched up the heel,
right?
Tailgate.
Yeah,
I guess.
I don't know. I got this little hairline scar on my ribs,
but anyway,
better than a hair lip scar,
like walking Phoenix.
Oh,
damn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's real mean.
That's real mean,
Taylor.
I don't think,
I think, I think his character would have been more empathetic in the village if they would have left it. Yeah. That's real mean, Taylor. I don't think that's mean.
I think his character would have been more empathetic in the village if they would have left it.
Yeah?
Yeah, he would have.
I bet hair, lip, breath smells terrible.
Why would it be worse?
Because your mouth is dry all day.
Because it's...
Do you think the one tooth
that always has to stay dry is more prone
to maybe...
Do you think that makes you
breathe through your mouth more
having that? Oh, it's just open all the time.
It's just open. My mouth opens all the time
too. Not if I don't want it to.
It's not always open. Look at it right now.
Closed.
Busted.
I can't argue with this man. Another fucking always open. Look at it right now. It's closed. Busted. Busted.
I can't argue with this man.
Another fucking bullet in my chamber.
I got your mouth right now.
What is it? Closed? Everyone's mouth is open
all the time. We managed to keep it
not totally dry. No, but if there was
a slice through...
I'm continuously re-lubricating my mouth.
I didn't think...
Wait, what was that?
I just think that if your mouth was always...
Are you going to do it?
No, I wasn't going to. I don't know what you're doing.
I was hoping
you was going to do the impression.
Of who? I'll do it.
Of the hairlet person.
What is the hairlet person?
I was hoping that was coming.
Maybe if that tooth was always dry
though that could lead to some sort of bad breath i remember uh there was one of the meanest oh and
a clips i remember laughing my ass off at in like even at the time being like this is mean as shit
is there was a clip of a caller calling in and wanting to talk to Anthony and Jim. And he was like, I wanted to talk to Anthony and Jim.
They were talking about hair lip people and how disgusting it is.
And I think that's pretty messed up.
And he was talking like that.
And Anthony's like, why are you one of those disgusting people?
Are you one of those?
Tell us.
Tell us, you animal.
Tell us.
Are you a hair lip person?
The guy's like, I don't see why it matters,
but I am a hair-lipped person.
Jim's like, gross! Animal!
Animal! Animal!
He's screaming at us.
It's so fucking mean.
It's so mean-spirited.
But that's also one of those things
I hated myself for laughing at,
because similar to the lazy eye, I was like,
oh, that hair-lip like you can't control that.
That poor person like it's not just kind of funny.
It is not his fault, but it's kind of funny.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Summed up.
Well, there's a lot of things that are horrible that are also funny.
You can't help what you find funny, right?
That's like a major.
So that's not just stitches with your lip when you when you're born that way.
They have to be like a major surgery.
Yeah.
Some bone work in there and they get it. I'm assuming. Yeah. You're there's some bone work in there. I'm assuming, yeah, you've just
gotten them missing a spot right there. I figured it's not
as simple as some stitches.
I wonder why they can't get it even more perfect.
They might be able to now.
True.
Typically, like Joaquin Phoenix, for example,
you can still see it.
Where can they get it perfect, perfect? There's plastic surgeons
that get shit really, really right.
I bet he got that fixed a long, long ago and so like what he's probably like 50 years
old or something and so yeah but he's there's a possibility that this got fixed like 40 plus
years ago yeah but they've always been rich i think and he wasn't even famous oh was he rich
back then i want to say i mean his brother was an actor you know river was an actor i thought
the mother was too we're talking about joaquin phoenix oh yeah i mean i think that they were already pretty wealthy when he was born i don't
know i think they did a really good job of it like i think it's quite i mean it's it's close
there's a fucking little scar there and i didn't know he had until close up i would have never
noticed unless someone pointed it out to me honestly when you see him as communist in uh
in a gladiator it's really evident when he's i watched y'all block the line dude i didn't really
notice that much until they zoomed in on him and then i was kind of like oh he's i watched out walk the line i didn't really notice that much until
they zoomed in on him and i was kind of like oh he's got you know the little scar and a little
twist there but not so very subtle i remember like that was the first movie i can remember
watching joaquin phoenix's was gladiator and like when he gave that speech to his father
being like all these traits you admire, you know, valor,
honor.
I have ambition.
Cunning.
yeah,
cunning.
And he's like talking about all that shit.
And I'm like,
like,
this guy's pretty cool.
Like,
I like him.
Like he's right.
He's going to outsmart his dad because he's more ambitious and he's more
cunning here.
And yeah,
that was,
I haven't seen gladiator in probably 15 years,
literally probably 10 to 15 years.
I wonder if it still holds up because I loved that movie.
Yeah, me too.
You were really into the speech.
But then you realized he had a hair lip and you doubted him.
And you were like, never mind, he can't do it.
He's one of those guys.
Fucking immoral.
If anything, it shows you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
It's true.
It's true.
Proof.
You don't remember those songs?
I can do all those.
Kyle does. He went toay school where they were like i can do all things through christ who strengthens me lord i lift your name
on high you're all about that song when in the context of of uh church is that all they sang
at your church that was the main one from super wow and we sang it every day it was like the first we sing it so many times
um it was god well thank god you wanted to sing his praise i haven't heard it in 20 years and i
can still remember it well all your praises i remember it very simple song man i'm glad i don't
do that anymore oh yeah i went to a cath wedding recently. Oh, brutal, brutal. Because they went they went real deal Catholic wedding, like standing, sitting, kneeling, standing, sitting, kneeling.
And I am like I was sitting there next to my wife. It was one of her friends.
I didn't really know the guy very well. He's getting married and it's in the church and everything.
And the priest starts talking. It's a saturday at like 11 30 in the
morning and maybe and he starts like telling a story and then just doesn't finish it and he does
that a couple times and he's like really emotive and everything and i like maybe five minutes in
i'm like honey this guy's fucking drunk i was about to say like this and like i like my whole dad's side of the family are
are catholics and so like i knew you know like in catholic communities like when they throw big
parties priests just come and hang out like that's a very common thing and they get fucking wine
drunk and they have a good time and so i was watching and i'm like this motherfucker's wasted
doing this wedding and he was literally doing stuff where he's like and i want to say to
young matthew and young liza that you have many
and the lord and it's like what what like he had many what now what's happening what is going on here what why
like he started multiple stories didn't finish it at one point like that he he just he went up to
the other priest and the other priest acted i don't know the catholic rituals but he was doing
something where he was holding a chain with the incense and swinging it because they'll like ring
bells and then swing the incense i don't like i said i don't know anything about catholicism
but i could tell from the body language of like the assistant priest that this guy was like
freestyling his his stuff that day not the respect or whatever a little spin a little flare like
because the guy who was like the the retrieverver of the incense reached out to do it.
And the guy gave it a few more flips, a few more flaps,
and then the guy brought his hands back.
Like, I guess we're playing it up today.
And then he went back and grabbed it.
Yeah, that guy was drunk 100%, and the wedding took two hours.
Holy shit.
Two hours.
I hate Catholic weddings.
The fucking worst oh have you guys ever had to go to a real catholic wedding and yeah i think i had one it wasn't two hours though
we did but you you weren't standing and kneeling and all that were you oh now that i think about
it one of my um best men what are they called they're called best men right they are the
groomsmen groomsmen groomsmen that's it there's one best man but one of my groomsmen passed out it was so hot
yeah it was hot and uh and you had to stand still and was he standing leg locked he fainted i guess
so yeah i was in a church yeah my wedding ring was too small but i wanted to put it on my finger
anyway and it couldn't come off and then it started like getting bigger and it was purple and it was like being strangled yeah and like dude there's a
ceremony happening and i'm doing one of these things like trying to like get it wet and like
get it off it's not like lube it up and shit it's not working i'm not getting it i'm fighting it
the fingers turning purple it started to become like
a medical emergency but i eventually wrestled it off holy shit that's so scary in front of
everybody i'm like and i'm sure that word is getting passed back that woody's trying to get
his ring off it's too small lose his finger call it on his pinky that would have been a better move
that's so funny yeah it doesn't seem like
you didn't, there was no priest
doing stuff in front of you.
No, there was. Yeah, there was a priest saying
shit. I didn't pay that much attention to him.
No, it's boring as shit.
Anybody looks at you, you say yes, and you're good,
right? Yeah, I mean, this whole
thing was for someone. I didn't even know where
it was until like 10 minutes beforehand.
I didn't know how to get there.
Yeah.
Anytime someone asks me a question,
I'd be like, cause I worked a lot.
I went to school at night.
I had a full-time job and I had a side business at the same time.
And I didn't do any of the wedding planning,
which to some people might sound bad,
but in my little environment,
everyone like the,
the people who wanted to be involved in the wedding planning were fine with me saying yes to fucking anything.
I was better than yes.
I was.
Why are you bringing these details to me?
It's a step.
It's improved in my mind.
So it would have only slowed her down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like, yeah.
Do you want to do this?
You want to do that?
I want you not to bring this to me.
That's what I want.
Say that.
Jesus. Well, I said it better than that i said essentially that and uh but it wasn't like it's a lot of myself
but uh but yeah yeah so like people my friends and stuff would be like woody where is the wedding
and i'm like yeah you know you know better than to ask me these questions they should
let me direct you to the to the bride i remember getting those texts
morning of oh my god like a buddy of mine that like i've known for many years is like hey taylor
like where's your wedding again and i'm like like dude it's i'm getting married in 40 minutes
like are you kidding me like you're you couldn't have texted me last night or something but yeah we did our wedding
so quick it was outdoors it was hot smash mouth right up the middle knocked it out we knocked it
out so quick we were we i like i wanted it to just be you know immediate family and everything you
know you know grandparents stuff like that if they want to come that's great but yeah these long
weddings i don't care for it no don't care for it most people don't
want to be there the last wedding i attended was jeremy's wedding it was
embarrassing were there red solo cups involved i'm not at the actual ceremony
certainly afterwards there the reception had red solo cups I don't know if they bothered with the cups
drinking out of their hands
party monster
I'll have a Bud Light
one handed too
hot and salty
one handed too
you guys would have enjoyed my wedding then
I remember a lot of denim.
I remember there being a lot of denim at the wedding.
I remember being very hot. That's why I thought
of it because you mentioned being hot. It was outdoors
at a park. I don't think
they asked the park if they could have
a wedding that day. I think they just went out there
by the rocks.
I remember a cowboy hat.
There were definitely cowboy
hats and there was definitely a lot of denim. I think I was the only one wearing a tie I remember a cowboy hat. There were definitely cowboy hats.
And there was definitely a lot of denim.
I think I was the only one wearing a tie.
Yeah.
That's wild.
You were the only person in a tie?
Well, you know, I only went for the lulls.
The only thing I was very, very about about my wedding was the food.
And that's because and you know, fat jokes.
The real thing is I have been to so many weddings where they do half measures for food, where they'll be like everyone can get steak or chicken.
You can get a horrible chicken parmesan or the cheapest steak in America, the worst stuff. And it's about the,
and it's more expensive. And so I was like, no, I want Pappy's Pappy. Like you guys aren't from St. Louis. Pappy's is a very famous barbecue place here. It's not a chain. It's a, it's a
every, if you know someone from St. Louis, they know what Pappy's is and they know it's like the
best fucking barbecue. And I was like, I want want barbecue because with barbecue i can go tippity top of the quality of barbecue for the same price
that i would get a bullshit chicken parmesan meal and like literally during my wedding like
beforehand like during the beginning of the reception when people were coming in they would
see the menu and everything and i had dozens of people be like are you fucking around you got pappy's
i was like yeah dude pappy's is catering and they're like dude that rocks like this is this
multiple people be like this is the best food experience i've ever had at a wedding
we ate the entire place out like of all of the meats that we paid for them to bring
like and it was like i was so proud after that.
I was like, hell yeah.
This was such a win. Everybody
loves Pappy's. And everybody went home
being like, I had a great huge
barbecue meal and I'm full.
I didn't get some bullshit chicken parm
that was bad of cheap cut of meat.
So keep that in mind
folks out there getting married.
When you made
this election to to get pappies were there any naysayers out there in your family or or or or
involved with the wedding was there anybody like really taylor pappies no no like my my wife even
at the time when we were talking about it i was like i'm very you know i always get pissed when
i go to weddings and they say they're
gonna have some nice steak thing that you picked and then it's dog shit and bad i want people to
have like good quality like what they would get if they went to a barbecue joint like that's what i
want and so that's what we did and it worked tremendously everyone loved it oh yeah she was
on board 100 like i'm not lying everybody in st louis knows what pappy's is and everyone loves
pappy's like which is well now I want to know about Pappy's.
Now I'm going that way.
Oh, they're Burn-N's.
Do you know how fast the Burn-N's went out at our wedding?
Everybody was just feasting on the Burn-N's.
What's a Burn-N?
You don't know what a Burn-N is?
It's the end of the brisket that is a little crispier,
a little fattier, super flavorful.
I love Burn-N's.
You know how the corner brownie in the pan is a little crunchy on the side side it's like that for meat sort of that's a great comparison yeah it's like
the corner a little extra crisp yeah have you seen how did your chicken turn out all corners
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's got a maze in it yeah all corners that's awesome yeah
by the way my wedding was like 30 minutes did i ever tell you guys i got married and i was still at the halfway house like the day before i got married halfway house not
like i was allowed to leave the premises but i was a resident of the halfway house because i just
got out of prison the second time best man is in crack withdrawal no i did not allow anybody from
the halfway house anywhere near it thankfully fair um no the it was very very
obvious that they assumed that i had because my wife comes from a good family uh you know they're
well-to-do etc like that it was very obvious that they all thought that i had hoodwinked some young
attractive well-to-do girl and fell and manipulated her into wanting to marry me and that her family
probably didn't support this and how they went through were they It does seem likely. Yeah. Well, listen, I'm different now.
But they come to me like the night before, like 20 hours before I got married,
the lady calls me to the back, the director of the halfway house,
and she was like, they had called my girl's family extensively,
talked to my now mother-in-law, my now father-in-law,
and everybody in the feds was just shocked that this girl actually wanted to marry me,
and we had some family support. So they pretty much just told me, they said, Hey, check
it out. You can get married tomorrow. You cleared. So I had to call my wife and said,
do you want to get married tomorrow? Well, she was my fiance, you know? And she was like,
yeah, I guess I'd been trying to, we had been talking about it, you know, but they had never
given us clearance. They were always dicking around about it. And so I got a clearance for
a two hour social pass to go to the justice
of the peace in Mississippi, this podunk town in Tupelo, Mississippi, you know, and, uh, we had a
nice little wedding, man. My in-laws made it out. Everybody got a little bit dressed up. We only had
me, my wife and you know, my brother and her brothers and our parents there, but it turned
out nice. Uh, but on the topic of wedding food, you know, needless to say, we didn't have time
to prepare any catering. Um, I was only. Technically, I was allowed to go to the Justice of the Peace,
back to the halfway house, nowhere in between.
Totally against the rules if I get caught anywhere else,
of course, I'd get in trouble.
But I had to have a celebratory wedding dinner,
so we pulled through the Burger King up the street,
and I wolfed down a Big Mac and like four bites,
went through the door all happy and got caught with a vape.
I was trying to smuggle it.
Oh, what?
No, it wasn't McDonald's.
It was a McDonald's.
I ate a Big Mac. My bad. You tried to smuggle a vape in what? No, it wasn't McDonald's. It wasn't McDonald's.
I ate a Big Mac.
My bad.
You tried to smuggle a vape in?
Did I say it wrong?
Yeah, yeah.
I've been smuggling a little vape in forever because, you know, obviously I didn't quit nicotine.
Did your ass get looser over time?
Do what?
Did your ass get looser over time?
Is it like a bag of holding where you, you know, it gets more?
No, no.
I mean, it's pretty viable.
It's like a muscle, you know.
You work it, you know.
Yeah. You know, that builds it back stronger. It's like a muscle. You work it.
The build's a bit stronger.
I was putting it in my waistband for real. I would basically just stick it right there under my belt
and they wave a metal detector over you
but I guess that my wedding had me a little complacent
and the tip was popping out like this.
I don't know what they thought was probably poking out
at first but they damn sure that lady grabbed a hold to it
before she even thought twice about looking at it.
Thankfully, it wasn't my penis. It was a vape
and she whipped it out and they let me make it, man. They did not write me up. She
said, this is one of them vapors. And I said, yes, ma'am. And she threw it in the trash and said,
you're lucky it's your wedding day, boy. So I didn't get in trouble. I didn't get,
I didn't get wrote up or nothing, but that's about the most magical wedding experience I've
had is a 32nd wedding down to the Big Mac. You don't go back to prison. That was my wedding
present. I would have probably not really gone back. I would have just lost some privileges or whatever, but still, it was still cool of
him to let it slide like that.
That's like the epitome of a great story.
It was a good wedding.
For a wedding.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's something that you'll have fun telling for your whole life.
You would not know from the pictures, bro, that it was this rushed and put together.
We got some great pictures.
I had to borrow a suit from my brother-in-law because I don't own any nice clothes. I just wear
band shirts and cartoon shirts.
It came out really nice. Nobody
got food except for me. I'm not supposed
to have the Burger King, I mean the McDonald's.
We're a third of a block away
and they're like, hurry up, Josh, hurry up.
If they see me with the Burger King, then they're going to be like, hey,
motherfucker, you want the Burger King. I'm over here
looking super romantic.
Trying to house the whopper.
My wife has got all her wedding makeup
and her beautiful hair done and a dress on.
And I'm over here just shoving this Big Mac in my face
and cramming a fucking vape down my belt.
You know, like, all right, see you tomorrow, baby.
Hopefully you're going to let me out.
If you're this locked down at the halfway house,
like how did you spend time with her?
So at first I was working my family.
They owned a vape shop.
And so this is kind of a loophole,
but my gainful employment that I was required to have was with them.
So I hung out with my wife all day at the vape shop and sold vapes,
you know,
and just pretty much shot the shit.
I ended up getting,
you know,
the business started slowing down whenever all those people vape the black
market weed cartridges and died or whatever happened.
Vape market in our town just like basically shut down.
So then I started working cutting furniture.
And at that point it was basically,
she could visit me on weekends at the halfway house. And other than that, it was all
how much we could cheat. Like, oh, my wife's giving me a ride to work, you know, and I say
that I got to go to work an hour earlier than I really do. And then my wife picks me up. And then,
you know, the main thing to keep in mind is that I wasn't running around like doing drugs. I wasn't
constantly causing trouble in there or like I was barely visible to them, you know. So they kind of
gave me a little leeway, in my opinion.
And if you the respect goes both ways, they're like, yeah, they knew they probably knew I was breaking the rules a little bit.
I wouldn't do anything too malicious, you know, and I was trying to be respectful the whole time.
They ideally want you to reintroduce yourself to society in a healthy way.
Like, I imagine that maybe I'm wrong.
Some people power trip over nothing.
But I would imagine a halfway
house operator would be more concerned with like you're good get the fuck out of here because
there's an absolute lunatic showing up on monday and i'm gonna he's gonna need my focus exactly
job cutting furniture uh i worked at ashley furniture i was a machine router i was uh i
didn't cut it by hand i would put the programs into the computer and the machine would route
out the wood parts that i'd stack them count them and label them so you like program the cnc machine yeah it was cnc router yep exactly
that was what i did and they realized pretty quickly ashley thank you i mean i hated the job
but i mean it got us our first apartment my wife was pregnant you know uh she was pregnant before
we were able to get married not even just by coincidence i mean we would have been married
if it was up to us but like i said she took him to work an hour early well
the best part is that she got pregnant while i was at the halfway house and they tried very hard
to find a way to get me in trouble they tried very hard but they had no way to prove i was ever out
of bounds of the area that i was supposed to be in i was just able to say that she got pregnant
y'all don't know when where how or whether or not they couldn't prove i broke any rules there's no
rule against having sex, technically.
It's just the rule is where I can be at what time. You didn't play it like, that whore.
That whore.
Like, God, this is news to me, folks.
I was going to say, they were really pissed,
and they were really surprised and all that,
but I guarantee you that they had to have thought
in the back of their minds, like,
that girl got pregnant by somebody else while he was inside,
and they're trying to dump that baby off.
Now, we don't have to worry about that. That baby
is about my twin. My daughter came out looking just like
me and I trusted her. It's funny because I thought
about that months later, Taylor, when you said
that goodbye.
He had enough of your shit.
Woody was like, nope. I'm peacing out.
Do you have any automatic blinds
in your house? Did you do that?
Automatic blinds?
Like a remote blind?
Yeah, sure.
No, I mostly have curtains in my house, not blinds.
Woody, do you have any auto shades in your house?
Auto blinds?
Nothing like that.
It'd be cool, though.
We looked into it.
They're stupid expensive.
Is it for attention or for light blocking?
Both.
Or both?
We needed custom curtains.
And it was like, ooh, what if we motorize them?
Curtains are dumb expensive.
You can spend thousands doing a room
and then double it to make them remote controlled.
And I was like, eh.
We had just bought this house and everything.
You need so much furniture and so many curtains
that I didn't want to pour money into it.
Yeah, I could see if
okay so in my house i have a really tall ceilings in the living room it's kind of odd and there are
these two windows really high up that the sun comes right through all day and it ruins the tv
basically you can't watch television in that room but if i could click a button and have like a
blind just go down and completely black them out
because there's no way to get up there is it a window or a skylight it's two big windows up there
um sort of parallel with the ones on the ground floor there's just two more up there so i'm going
to get some auto blinds and i'm i'm the only question is if i mount on myself because i got
a new ladder today i got this like little giant uh ladder it'll do i've got a little giant right there
right behind this desk which one does it go crazy tall it gets pretty tall it's got those orange
clips on the side that you like pull it up and then you snap all four of them down and okay it
starts in a frame but it'll it'll go straight right yeah yeah it gets pretty big so that thing's
in my living room right now and i had to stop short playing with it before the show because we were starting.
But I had straightened it out,
and I had extended one side all the way,
and I still had the entire other side to extend,
and it was almost up there where it needs to go.
But it looks rickety, dude.
Don't do it alone.
Just extend the other side, man.
Don't climb it at a weird angle.
No, I mean, I'm going to put it the way it's supposed to be,
but when it's completely extended, it looks kind of rickety.
I don't know.
Bend in the middle a little.
Does it have to be totally extended for you to get there?
I'm going up there at night.
How tall are your ceilings?
All the way.
They're at the top of the...
My living room is like 20 feet or something.
The ceilings are at the very top of the room.
Damn, that's fancy.
However tall that ladder goes, I'm not positive it's going to be tall enough.
They're that tall.
How tall does that ladder go?
It must be like 18 foot ceilings.
Don't be reaching up there, man.
That's how you fall.
You're in a ranch style house like me.
I think it's 25 feet.
Ranch style houses have those big.
I had the repairman standing there and I was sitting on the couch watching him work on
the fucking internet for two hours Tuesday.
And I was like, yeah, four of him would go up that wall easy.
They're really tall.
If I can find a discreet way to put a climbing rope in there, I'm going to hustle up 25 feet in my living room.
There's absolutely no way to install a discreet climbing rope in your living room.
That's an oxymoron, discreet climbingon. Here's how you do it, Taylor. I have to build
climbing pegs
from the top of the staircase. I have to be able to
monkey bar my way out there
with hand
hold
sized pegs that I grab
and I monkey bar myself out there with
the rope over my shoulder. Then when I get there,
I one arm pull myself up. You can probably leave and then i pause it back and then i slide down like
a fucking i took down the one of my i need to check see about my deposit in the last place
because i had i had the sex swing mounted directly to the ceiling did you putty it
dude there was a little putty in there i was so beat from all that shit. I was like putty be damned. Y'all, you know,
like I figured charge me a couple hundred for putty.
I'm done.
I was sweaty.
I was done.
It was getting dark and I,
you know,
I had a drive ahead of me.
So I left.
I did the same thing with my,
the last apartment I bought before I bought a house like four years ago is I
had a dart board up on one wall and I don't know what it was that like i assumed because i could throw
darts and hit the board every time that other people could too but there were just hundreds
of holes of darts in my wall and i remember like i literally i puttied like the top couple dozen
and then was like i don't care and then left. And then when they were talking about the,
if I recall correctly,
when they were talking about not giving me my deposit back,
I just talked about all the times I called them about black mold,
and that was never handled or discussed,
and they just gave it back to me.
Nothing happened.
They were like, okay, never mind.
You win.
They were like, oh, is this the black mold guy
who hasn't been able to use his back door because it's broken for two years?
OK, give him his money back because he's called half a dozen times about black mold and his rear door not working and being worried about having to walk out his front door into the most dangerous city in America to round the building and then walk through a dark alley in the most dangerous city in America and then go through the fucking lot. Is it the
most dangerous city in America, literally?
It is. It's a point of shame for St. Louisans.
Is that what
you guys call yourselves? I think that's what
it is called. St. Louisans?
You should be called the St. Louis.
I like that.
The St. Louis.
I'm a St. Louis.
I'm a St. Louis. there are there are a ton of
italians around here so that would make sense yeah i got ran out of chicago they went over
st louis yeah they fled chicago and then guidoed up st louis they were forced out by the goblins
we was forced out by predatory loaning practices.
How were we supposed to calculate
the exponentials in the day?
Interest and use.
I have a source here that says
St. Louis is the second most dangerous
city in America. Can I guess the most? Yes.
I bet you'll get it right, but yes.
You gotta go for Detroit? Yes. It's Detroitroit no it's detroit according to this thing fucking where's new orleans
please tell me new orleans isn't we're winning again memphis is third then baltimore is fourth
springfield missouri you guys got a couple cities on there missouri all up on that list oh you know
it's it's weird calculating that though because per capita like do you count one of these wild
spree shootings in Uvalde
where so many people die in a year?
There can be some aberrations,
but that doesn't seem to be happening on that chart.
It's literally the most dangerous city.
They're using violent crime for 100,000.
That's their thing.
Violent crime, okay.
I see what you mean, that an outlier could be like a mass murder.
Yeah, some crazy stuff.
That could suddenly shoot one way up the list.
There could be a city with five people in it and one gets murdered.
Now 20% of the population
dies of murder every year.
Where is this
good list that has St. Louis at two?
All the ones I'm finding still have us at one
and that's obviously fake fucking news
because we are not the most dangerous
city. It's that shithole Detroit.
He's having it that way.
Number one to number two is not that big of a deal. It's funny shithole Detroit. He's happy to get that one. Number two is not that big of a deal.
It's got to be embarrassing to live in Detroit.
That fucking shithole.
Man, 30 seconds ago it was him.
Do you really want to insult people from Detroit?
They're murderers.
They're murderers.
I don't care.
All I know about Detroit is I guess the area code is 313.
That's all I know.
The funniest thing I've ever heard about Detroit is? We'll probably encounter another murder on the way here.
Those people who get their porches stolen.
Wait, your whole porch?
A porch?
Zach, will you pull up a news article about Detroit porch stolen?
Grab me that.
Oh, you got to be shitting me.
Yeah, I guess.
Why would you want to steal a porch?
Is nothing sacred?
Maybe I just fell victim to an internet hoax or something
or some silly joke, but it seemed to me that folks
were riding up and yoinking people's porches
off their houses in the night.
Where do you store it?
You know what seems like a good business that people don't do?
Pet rams.
Well, shit.
Oh, it's fake.
I thought he stole a whole boy's porch.
That's so funny.
That'd be hilarious if his porch was stolen.
I think pet kidnapping and ransom
because there's some money in it.
It's really easy. Dogs love people.
Just get a dog, put it in your truck.
Dog napping?
Are you going to resell them or ask for ransom?
Ask for ransom.
It's in a mental value.
Be honest. If someone said they couldn't pay
it would you send them the dog back anyway of course i'm not what you got to do kill the dog
that's the only other option to let i mean i have a a business reputation to maintain i can't get
the dog back you know what i would do i would send them i would send them a box with their
dog's head in it to show that i'm serious you want the dog back you want the rest
you get a reputation for not needing the ransom anymore.
Taylor, you start with the tail.
Just like a gang of retarded murderers.
Here's your dog's head
so you know what to do.
Well, we don't
owe you the money anymore, I guess.
We'll send you a foot next.
They overplayed
their hand.
Give us the ransom money
or if you ever want the rest
of your dog.
If you ever want to see the rest of your dog,
you're going to leave a 15 pound
bucket of sour Skittles at the corner
of 5th and Maple.
No cameras.
You come alone.
It's not cut out of a magazine. it's cut out of a coloring book yeah it's cut out of a coloring book yeah all of his although it's like the stuff like a is for
apple like that's his he signed it at the end no i i agree on the misspellings we can infer
remember when lady g Gaga's dogs got kidnapped
like last year?
No, maybe that's why it sounded familiar
That was actually a false flag
Aw man, nobody really kidnapped Lady Gaga's dogs?
No, that was
Syria
Syria again?
They were trying to shut down news stories
about genocide
so they stole her dogs
I can't believe you didn't hear about that I don't believe any of that They were trying to shut down news stories about genocide, so they stole their dogs.
I can't believe you didn't hear about that.
I don't believe any of that.
I think you're watching too much Alex Jones.
You're free to be a fool.
I think we could make
a decent living dog napping.
Here's the other thing.
How much trouble do you get in
for stealing a dog and ransoming it?
I guarantee you. I'm not even sure there's a rule against it. How much trouble do you get in for stealing a dog and ransoming it?
Now, I guarantee – I'm not even sure there's a rule against it.
Extortion, man, or blackmail.
So it's got to be like some – it's theft of property, and it's probably – but what else?
That's insulting to dogs.
Or they're felonies.
That's what we need to know here.
Is there maybe some sort of crime like asking for the ransom and using some electronic devices?
asking for the ransom and using some electronic devices.
There's always some weird law about that,
about utilizing electronic devices
to further your fucking criminal gains.
There's workarounds for that.
State and foreign commerce.
Send her a fucking letter.
Cup and the string.
Oh, here's what I do.
Here's what I do, Taylor.
I'd write her a real letter
and I'd put a paw print in blood.
They'll know it's a dog.
But it's only got two pads on its paw now.
Because she's been dilly-dallying.
Taylor's out of the operation.
We don't hurt the dog unless they pay the money.
You ever seen from Dust Hill Dawn?
He's like Quentin Tarantino's character.
Like no interest in keeping the hostage or getting the money,
just straight wants to kill it.
No, just want to suck toes.
Just like Quentin Tarantino. That's what he wanted wants to kill it. No, just want to suck toes. That's what he wanted to do, yeah.
He did just want to suck toes.
What he really wanted to do was rape
that woman to death, which is what he did.
He's a guy who knows what
he likes, and I respect that.
He took it in that movie, that's for sure.
Just like R.V. Weinstein.
Oh, wait. She was getting crazy.
He produced that movie. No, that's a good movie.
It's one of those that makes a crazy twist.
If you've ever seen From Dusk Till Dawn, it's good.
But no, he plays a really awful
character in that movie.
He leaves him
alone with the waitress or whatever
and he rapes her and murders her in there.
And he comes back and he's like, what is wrong with you?
Is this what I do?
Is this what you think we do?
And Quentin Tarantino's like, you don't understand.
Once you left, she was a completely different person.
She turned into a different person.
She started fighting me.
Yeah, you remember what he said?
Can you even say it on air?
He said she wouldn't have said shit with a mouthful of it.
Yeah.
Dick?
Yeah, something like that.
I don't know what line of-
You can say, there's no line here.
You can say whatever you want.
Okay, good.
Just steer clear of hard There's no line here. You can say whatever you want. Okay, good. Scare clear of hard R's.
Okay.
Yeah, sure. If you want to do that,
that's your prerogative, really.
You were in prison.
You probably haven't.
You were both in prison. You can both say it.
We all know the lines we cross.
That's not how it works.
That's not how it works at all.
I mean, maybe in like small doses.
Yeah.
That's the only movie in my life I've ever started over, by the way.
As soon as it was over, I literally turned it on.
The N-word being non-consensually detained.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought you meant we got a pass for going.
I was like, quite the opposite.
Yeah, you can say the F-word.
Felon.
That one's a bad word.
It's reformed convict.
A felon.
Is the correct vernacular.
Reformed convict.
It's reformed convict.
Still got to check that box on a job application.
Reformed convict.
Reformed convict.
Like you became religious.
That's what we prefer to be referred to as.
Yeah, man.
You're being insensitive here.
Throwing the F word out there like that.
Yeah, please.
Come on, man.
We're reformed convicts.
A reformed convict.
It's 2022, man. Get with the times. RC's for short. How about a POC? How about POC? Person of crime. there like that yeah please reform on man we're reformed convicts a reformed 2022 man get our
times our seas for sure how about a post how about poc person of crime uh i mean i'll take it you
know you're a person of crime i'm a person of crime apparently so dude oh i gotta dig it out
i'll look for it like unpackpacking this week, I found,
and maybe I showed it on the show in the past,
but I found my workbook from my drug class in prison
and all the nonsense that I had to fill in the answers to.
And they go page by page reading the answers out, by the way.
It's like, what did everyone get for number four?
We all fill that shit in.
But there's questions like, I don't know,
when I was on the streets,
they fill in 80% of it
and then you have to basically
admit that at one point you were on
the streets committing crimes.
That's already known.
That's already
worded in and then you have to say
the reason I
committed crimes was because x y and z
and there's none of the answers are good none of the answers are good it's all this self-incriminating
bullshit and i'm just like i'm the only one there that's for a low level i committed this crime
because i know i am guilty of a crime you aren't trying to make money everybody else there was like
criminals like they ran drug businesses.
All of them were drug dealers.
And they were talking about how much they moved
and how much weight.
Only one of them had anything to do with weed.
And he was moving like a ton.
He's like half an ounce.
We moved like hundreds of pounds.
He's like, I didn't get locked up for that.
But we did.
I had like, and they would have like a quarter ounce of cocaine or something on up for that but we did i had like and they would
have like a quarter ounce of cocaine or something on them but they'd be fucking drug dealers and
shit nobody was there for half an ounce of weed no of course not and i agree with you because i
wasn't really in a criminal lifestyle before i went to prison i was in rdap for a little while
and it's the same way i kind of struggled sometimes they're like now admit why you were
such a criminal on the street so you can get better. And I'm like, I've always been a POC.
Always been a person of crime.
We committed to that lifestyle.
Yeah.
An OGPO crime.
All I really did was buy and use drugs.
That's the only crime I really did.
Like I didn't really steal stuff.
I didn't do vandalism.
I just bought and did drugs.
You know,
that was it.
And now,
yeah,
as Taylor's about to tell you,
you can order your drugs right off the internet from our wonderful sponsors
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Yes, you can get your, right off the internet from our wonderful sponsors legally. Yes, we can.
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code PKA20 for 20% off your order and very high quality stuff. Like I said, wonky weeds and death by gummy bears,
same company, just different banners of products. And so that same high quality of death by gummy
bears with their, uh, infused dosages, you're going to get that as well with wonky weeds.
And the reason they, they, they reached out to me is literally like the episode had been live
for maybe one hour, two weeks ago when we advertised death by gummy bears.
And I got a message from the guy I was speaking to over there.
And he told me one hour after it went live,
he was like,
Oh my God,
like this is one hour.
We hadn't even gotten to the ad read yet.
Like if someone started and he was like,
Holy shit,
we've never seen online orders like this.
This is insane.
We have a number of banners. And so we're interested in doing more than just our gummy banner we want to do our main product banner as well with the vapes and the carts and the disposables and i
told him i was like dude this is going to do even fucking better than the death by gummy bears
because a lot of people i think we're a little intimidated and there's even a class of thc user
out there who doesn't like edibles as much they enjoy things like uh like these vape cartridges and they just like it
because it's easier to kind of meet out your your dosage with this that's what kyle's using right
now and so check out the vape cartridges very high quality stuff they've got delta hco they've
got thco they've got delta eight they've got uh delta 10 apparently i've got i've been smoking
through a thco one right now and i've always been the one who's like i can't tell much difference
between thco and delta 8 well because these guys actually accurately dose their shit i can
absolutely tell a difference between their thco and their delta 8 vapes I'm not a vape expert, but the gummy was
irresponsibly potent.
I ate that bear's feet off.
You ate the dick too.
You were warned not to eat the bear dick.
You showed us that bear.
Look, look, look.
I may have eaten his knees, but his dick was
fine.
It just looked tempting.
You cannot extend
past the feet
yeah he's right
you ate dick
they're very strong
just the feet literally
dude last week
I saw a little bit
it looked like you were having fun
but I didn't know
I was so high
is it okay to do this?
I just ate the feet and the dick, and it was
so high.
So this is a good thing to...
This is a good thing to bring up
as well. So the wonky weeds
banner they have, they sell edibles
as well, but they sell weaker
gummies than the
Death by Gummy Bears guys.
So the potato chips that are covered by chocolate,
it's like if your tolerance is very low.
So there's a huge bag of chocolate covered potato chips
and the entire bag has 50 milligrams of Delta 8 in it.
And so it's very low dosed.
But I swear to God, the amount of chocolate on these chips,
it's so low dosed that I ate mine like snacks
because I couldn't taste the weed and the chocolate,
and it melted on the way to my house,
and so it was just a giant ball of chocolate and chips.
And so I was just eating chunks out of that, and it tasted good.
But if you're trying to get stoned, the gummies are the way to go,
or these vapes.
And the one I'm recommending is the either the granddaddy
flavor of thco or the gelato flavor of thco thco is markedly stronger than delta eight yeah yeah
i don't want to hold it forward grandparents it tastes like real grandparents well this one
it tastes like granddaddy perp it's got a little little grape flavor to it. And the gelato, they all taste good.
But I would say if you're looking to get a little further to where you're going with fewer hits,
go for the THC or the Delta 10.
And then additionally, they have distillates.
I haven't even tried these yet, but they have little containers you can put in a...
Oh, I didn't even look at my box.
Yeah, I've got these.
These have, this is Delta 10 distillate.
This is sour diesel delta
eight distillate it just has one one gram i've also got these things they sent me they're called
moon rocks there's like these three little delta eight i i haven't smoked them yet i don't have a
bong so i need to buy a bong to smoke it and then this is the most fun thing i mean the vapes are
obviously the most practical so get vapes if you're looking for practicality. The scissor?
The syrup. This
shit is so much fun.
It's also very strong, so
don't fuck around with it.
No, no, no, no. Don't drink half of this
and be like, oh, wow, I'm gonna, like,
no, this shit's strong.
I disagree with Taylor.
PSA, don't make a mixed drink out of it. It tastes
like weed. It's gonna make whatever you
put it in tastes like shit all right i need to know i need the floor you said don't drink a lot
but you haven't given any measurements i have no idea how much a person i got you all right so when
i drink scissor i like the grape first of all it's better than the cherry i finished like i'm a
tap cough medicine and i do swigs
i i take like a glug glug glug and swallow like a like a shot amount like i don't know probably
get an ounce and a half or something like that i don't know there's a swallow of it and i started
with two and then i worked my way up to four and four swallows seems to be a good dose of scissor
for me but um i would recommend to the average person to start off with two tablespoons of scissor.
Okay, that's a
wild, wild recommendation. They say
start with a quarter. They say start with
a quarter tablespoon, and I have a good
example for this because just
this past weekend, I was at my grandparents'
house for Fourth of July. Both
my brothers were there, and my brother's wife was
there, and I brought some of the
grape syrup, and I was like Can you please call it sciss there and i brought some of the grape syrup and
i was like please call it scissor god i brought some of the grape scissor and i was like guys do
you want to try some of this it's the sponsor we have it's really high quality and it's really good
and they were like yeah we'd love to and so they got this little tablespoon and i'm not good at
gauging tablespoon amounts but it was more than a quarter tablespoon and they both took one of those and their tolerance is not very high and like they both went to bed like an hour later
and the next morning like i was waking up coming out to eat breakfast and my brother was like you
fucking drugged us dude i was like what are you talking about he's like drugged like me literally
in the middle of the night me and my wife like we were waking up being like, well, this will we ever go back?
Because it's it's a potent thing and they didn't have any tolerance and they took an entire probably they're probably total amount.
They each took was like a tablespoon and a half, which was too much because it's easy to do too much into a tablespoon.
Just start with the recommended amount.
The worst thing that can happen is that an hour later you
go, I'm not as high as I thought I'd be.
I guess I'll take a little more as opposed
to, oh, I'm vibrating
and I'm not going to escape
for five hours.
He's absolutely right.
PKA 20. I want these guys to
like us, so buy some vapes there.
Buy some distillate, whatever you're interested in.
THCO and Delta 10 vapes. Check those outate whatever you're interested in uh thco and delta 10
vapes check those out in particular i think those are much better at getting you high than the uh
well not much better but so i'm more powerful at getting you high than the delta eight i agree um
i've been smoking their vapes for a couple weeks now um i'm kind of off the gas station thco i've
still got a few of those left over i'm gonna smoke them up but these are on par
with anything i've ever smoked as far as thco um carts and they get me dopey high and uh like we've
been we're playing tarkov today and you know i i'm like sorry guys if i team kill you i'm
fucking stoned over here on this this fucking thco from our sponsor so yeah it's really good stuff
and very high quality stuff i
want to keep them around so check it out code pka 20 for 20 off and if you're a gummy bear man death
like gummy bears pka 20 20 off so check them out and those things are mean somebody was comparing
today like the price of the gummy bears per milligram to like the rec prices of like real weed
and obviously it's cheaper but like how much cheaper was enormously cheaper i guess per milligram but again it's i don't think it's a one-to-one ratio i think that it's cheaper, but how much cheaper was enormously cheaper, I guess, per milligram.
But again, I don't think it's a one-to-one ratio.
I think that it's a little bit weaker.
It's a lot closer to one-to-one with this company.
It's as close to one-to-one as I've ever seen.
I said it before when the Gummy Bears guys reached out.
I genuinely wanted the free weed products, but i also was like if this is like
gas station quality bullshit i'm not gonna i'm gonna say no like we're not gonna sponsor that
but yeah the reason it's so good like we we were fortunate that such a good quality company well i
overdosed like they sent us some some testers and i overdosed immediately and i was like okay let's
work with these people that's fucking awesome like They mailed something to my house that put me into a scary, scary place
all night.
Hell yeah.
Pencil eraser sized mount of
gummy bear feet and I was as high as
I've ever been in my life.
That's incredible.
I figured you'd be backing off
the effectiveness
of this stuff.
The logo is a bear with bleeding eyes okay man that was a warning on that hat you should have i know that was a warning you know
like by the way it's not that bad of a hat i don't think i've oh it says death by gummy bears on the
back um i might read that's awesome i've. I was wearing it when I was moving.
It was hot outside.
But yeah, it's weird that I was explaining that to my Uber driver the other day
because he was the guy that was like the disco man
and was talking about doing mushrooms
and hallucinogens back during like watching
all these cool concerts back in the day.
And I was like, yeah, we've got this stuff now.
And I had like this on me.
And he's like, what is it?
And I was explaining, yeah, it's just illegal weed at the gas station
or off the internet or wherever you want.
It's wild.
They're going to crack down on it.
I know they just did in Michigan, I think.
The opposite.
They made it illegal.
They made it legal, I think.
Delta 8 in particular, illegal.
I think they messed up and maybe made some marijuana edibles
legal or something. I didn't get the whole thing.
That's my understanding. In particular,
if I understand
this right, and it's probably
80% right, the Republicans didn't
understand the law they were voting
on. They didn't read the bill
and they accidentally made Delta 8
and Delta 0 legal in edible
form.
Entirely. Oh oh in edible form specifically but yeah it's not every
form like they went to ban some of it or something
and they legalized half of it and
they just didn't understand what they were they didn't
read the bill yeah I don't have all the information
either I thought that
I that delta eight was illegal and
now real weed was legal I
thought they had fucked up.
They were like, wait, we didn't just make weed legal, did we?
Wait, what?
Yeah, here it is.
I'm reading it.
Minnesota inadvertently allows unregulated intoxicating cannabis edible products.
Yeah, the Democrats voted on it knowing that they were making it legal,
and the Republicans didn't understand what yes and no meant
on the vote and they accidentally
made it legal.
That's awesome. While also
banning part of it though, so it sounds like had it been
the other way around, it still would have been major affected
like on the flip side, maybe
edible was banned and the other one, it just sounds like they
wrote the bill shitty.
Legalized Delta 8, 9, 10
and 0. Wait, 9? That's weed. they wrote the bill shitty yeah they legalized delta eight nine ten and zero or th wait nine
that's weed i was about to say that's weed isn't it so no no apparently it's not because delta nine
is this oh that's right that's delta nine and it's called like thc nine? I thought that was THC. That's real weed. Delta 9 is different.
I thought it was Delta 9
THC. In any case, I thought it
was hilarious that they legalized it by accident.
And now, if you look at Minnesota,
it's pretty great. It happened.
Did you see the video
of Mitty busting those
crab thieves
the other day?
Mitty's a hero.
First of all, Mitty's lost like 100 pounds.
He's always been a fucking giant of a dude.
He's like 6'4", 6'5", or whatever.
Wearing those clown shoes.
They're like size 16 or some shit.
You got a special order, bro.
And
he's working loss prevention.
And he's like at the door
like a fucking football player and this dude's
running trying to steal this giant thing of
toilet paper and then he like
yoinks it from him
and then like he's like a secret service
agent or something he throws
it to safety where no other thieves
are and prepares for a second
thief like completely discounting
the first thief pushing him out
off the side he He's like a
linebacker. He's no longer
a threat. Yeah.
He had secured the toilet paper away from the thief
so he couldn't get it. The rest of his
team was coming into position
and they would secure that loot.
The other POCs.
He's got a couple of guys working
with him up there. They've gotten guns pulled on them
and they've gotten threatened with guns and there's been shootings but the car they cheesed
it they cheesed his car so he's like part of you know he's lost prevention so he has access to all
the cameras and so he he gets to his car one night and someone has thrown cheese singles on the hood
and the windshield and he's like what the fuck and so he goes back in and like looks through and he sent
me the video of this clown doing a drive-by cheesing like he's hanging out the side window
of his buddy's car slinging craft singles at midi's mustang they probably stole those craft
singles too probably so that's why they had so many to throw in his nose apparently um did we
finish the ad reads?
Yeah, we got them all knocked out.
Apparently, there's big business reselling Tide Pods and detergent in general.
You can get 50% of its value on the street is what the thief told Mitty.
Mitty's got their pictures and everything.
He's not a cop.
So if you steal from Mitty, he can just take your picture and send it to me.
And we'll laugh about you in private you know yeah there's no professionalism there's no
private private shit in privacy none of that shit like i'm just looking at this dope sitting
there handcuffed talking about how he um steals tide pods and sells them for half price on the
streets and uh and they sometimes they've got as little as like three things, like three things of pods.
It'll be like $40.
Yeah, we got them all.
And then sometimes it'll be like $1,300 last week.
You got one.
It was a huge shopping cart full of cough syrup.
They're after some scissor.
Wow.
Trying to get fucked up.
How did they get access to that?
You're talking about it was actually some scissor?
No, it was like they're just clearing the fucking
shelves off into the shopping cart and trying to
get out. Oh, they don't give a fuck what it is.
They're just placing them into the parking lot and wrestling their goods away from them.
I'm kidding, he's a gamer and he's built these
skills and watching things happen on all these monitors.
He can't get anything
past him.
He's also in plain
clothes. He's in like a hooded sweatshirt
and jeans. He's just walking around the store
stalking people too.
He's always lurking by the door.
They're radioing him. He's like a secret
service agent for Crabb, basically.
He should get a promotion.
He should be an actual cop.
No one worked. He was in the Police
Explorers. He's a police explorer.
What is that? What is a police explorer What is that?
What is a police explorer?
It's like a junior policeman
Like a boy scout?
A fan of police
You go to the police station
You go to the police station
You put on a little silly uniform
No offense to any junior police
No, fuck you guys
And they put on this gay ass uniform
And they do some junior policeman shit
They all get a magnifying glass,
and they look for fools.
And they do gay shit, as you said.
The tattletale, the shower.
I think everybody gets that same thing
where you order batons and other shit
to beat up black people on the streets
that they jerk off to so much
to fill your utility belt, you know.
To judge dread.
What kind of stick would you carry?
The nightstick that is the T sort of shape thing, or
would you do one of the extending antennas?
You're asking classic or telescopic.
Those are
the two that I see most people going with.
Classic or telescopic.
I, on the other hand, want the old school little
billy club. I want the little
miniature baseball bat with that leather strap
on the end that I can kind of
twirl around.
I hear you. What is the weapon called that is the classic with
a ball on the end of a chain
with spikes on it? A flail?
I was literally looking up a picture of a...
A morning star!
A morning star?
Is a morning star the stick with the ball on the end?
That's a mace.
A mace is the stick with the ball on the end? Yeah, that's a mace. A mace is
the stick with the ball on the end. A flail
is what the Witch King has
where it's got the chain on it.
These are all weapons in RuneScape.
A flail is much cooler looking.
Aesthetically, the flail
is tight. More difficult to use
as well. Yeah, and that just shows
a commitment to cruelty. It does.
I would imagine. i think i could
mix it up i mix up mix up john raising cultures and have like a flail and some ninja stars
well i don't know that'd be pretty cool stop a criminal with a ninja star to the kidney
i was gonna say you couldn't really punish someone with a ninja star
yeah without without killing them but then you you also couldn't punish someone with a medieval one-handed flail.
I couldn't bother
somebody with a ninja star.
You are way overestimating
the deadliness. It would pounce off
a cotton t-shirt if I threw it.
The only thing I could do with a ninja star
is lose money.
I'm just losing stars. I would be like, why is this idiot giving me his ninja stars lose money five dollars five dollar real they'd be like why is this idiot
giving me his ninja stars i remember okay and a thousand years from now some archaeologists will
believe a great warrior lived here i was like 10 years old i was like 10 years old we went on
vacation to gatlinburg and i bought a boomerang like an authentic fucking australian wooden
boomerang and i was so goddamn psyched to throw it, but obviously we're in our
we're staying in a cabin up there. It's the woods
and then we're in like downtown. You can't
throw it. Get back home. I sling that
thing once. It goes off into the
woods, never to be seen again.
I went
and it just went away.
Go on.
You thought I was being sick.
I did the same exact thing with the boomerang as a kid because I had seen
like fucking rescuers down under some show where they were like masterfully
using it.
And I remember like,
like eight year old me being like the flat side and the palm of the hand
and it will return to me and then just throwing it and it going like 35
feet and just sticking into the ground
and being like...
Was it the boomerang that you're describing?
It was a triangle? Ah, I got one of those
a few years ago. They're great. Yeah, and I threw
it and it didn't always come right back
to me, but it sometimes did. More or less.
It'll come back. Mine was like just the
curved, like hard plastic. It wasn't
even wood. So there's
a little technique and finesse to throwing a boomerang
that's not evident when you look at it.
Can you imagine how retarded those
fucking abos are that that's the weapon
they came up with? That's a terrible
weapon. It's the worst.
It's like, what is it?
I used to believe that
they could kill anything with it. I think it's a big
fucking lie that they told white people.
And guess what? If you hit something with it,
it's not coming back. Just throw
rocks. If you have a successful
boomerang hunt, it's not coming back
to your hand anyway. It's laying there next to the dead
gazelle. In addition to that, if you
miss it, it's not coming back. You need to
throw it in a particular way to get it to come
back. Might as well use a rock. I'm with you.
It's not like I can throw it at a rabbit, miss the rabbit,
and get a second shot. It doesn't reload.
Alright, now here's where it might work.
If you were throwing a boomerang
into a flock of birds
repeatedly,
that way you had something
coming and going through the flock.
How patient is this flock of birds?
I imagine them swarming around
you in a tornado.
So they're asking for it.
They're attacking.
This is actually...
They're curious about the boomerang and they want to be involved.
This is defend yourself from the birds of Australia who attack with no warning sometimes.
Yeah, no, but you're right.
The boomerang is a bullshit weapon.
It doesn't even have a blade on it or anything.
It's just trash. You know what's dumber than the
boomerang? I can't.
Hold on. Give me a sec.
I'm really trying to...
I'll give you a clue. You have one.
No, a didgeridoo isn't a weapon.
How do we know?
It's certainly not a musical instrument. What the fuck?
It certainly is. I have one right there.
Would you knock out a few notes for us?
Give me a sec.
Free bird. I have one right there. Knock out a few notes for us. Give me a sec. Yeah.
Freebird.
Freebird.
Freebird.
Freebird.
Freebird.
Freebird.
Freebird.
Oh, I love Master of Puppets.
Fuck yeah.
Sounds like a Vuvuzela or whatever.
He's a little one note in his music.
Yeah, I need to get a little higher with that.
It's like flickering in and out of existence.
I can hear his lips flapping.
I imagine what an ant has.
It literally sounds like...
Was this supposed to be defense of this as an instrument?
I think he might have proved your point, Kyle.
Pretty good.
Better than you thought.
How long have you been playing, man?
I dabble.
A little theory. I mean, i'm not one to i'm not one to burg
i was saying that kyle was declaring that a didgeridoo is not an instrument i have to say
i don't think he did a great job defending his status as an instrument you can go fuck yourself
for that uh no i thought he did a great job did you you not hear the... Did you hang up on him?
Bring him back in.
Did you not hear the distinct notes?
The...
I heard lip touching lip and some spit.
I heard you trying real hard.
I tried.
Well, because there's not much you can do.
So the aboriginals...
There's this tiny little beeswax covered hole
that doesn't even go across your whole mouth.
And so the only way to change it
is to purse your lips and go like,
wee-woo-wee-woo,
as you're blowing air through your lips.
Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo-wee.
I love how Josh gets the aboriginals.
I do SpongeBob references all the time,
and no one...
They're there for a thousand years,
and that's where they like capped
out technology wise we're talking about other cultures that kind of failed in certain areas
earlier today because uh i saw one of those um there was a thief at middy's work wearing a uh
one of those rice patty hats so i saw him on security footage and i was like that is the
worst hat that is the lowest tier hat in all of hatdom
and then i realized that there were some cultures that never figured out the fucking hat
like that's true yeah yeah that's the best that they had you know what a good looking hat was
the uh the world war one kaiser like spiked hats very very good hats oh yeah they had like a
helmet that's a stupid helmet.
What?
You don't think those looked cool back in the day?
No, they don't look cool with the spikes on them.
Yeah, that's neat.
It was supposed to be for defense, I assume.
You can bash a man with it.
I don't like it.
Dude, on a related note, I have to mow again soon.
I'm going on this trip.
I need to mow right before I leave.
So I'm trying to buy a cowboy hat. I want to wear a cowboy hat for my tractor.
And I feel like I'm not even a poser, right? A tractor person would have a cowboy hat.
So I start looking across the cowboy hats and I am inexplicably drawn to women's cowboy hats.
Every time I'm going across Amazon, just like one after the other, like this hat's stupid,
this hat's lame. It's a woman's cowboy hat. I am narrowly dodging. Josh might not other. I'm like, this hat's stupid. This hat's lame. It's a woman's cowboy hat.
Again, I'm narrowly dodgy.
Josh might not know. I had previously
bought a cowboy hat. I put it on,
and I was like, aren't I the bee's knees?
And everyone else is like,
yes, sweetie, you look adorable.
Some of the Dolly Parton.
Yes, she's pretty good. What brand is this?
Bronc and Becky. God damn it.
And then the description was like ladies cowboy hat
and it was pretty undeniable.
It was a cowgirl's hat.
At best, I could find unisex cowboy hats
that appealed to me, but apparently I'm very much
drawn to women's clothes.
You're looking for a sun hat, right?
But a cowboy hat.
This is important.
People come to gather around and watch me mow. It's quite
the evidence. The answer is this is a hat
for you. And so therefore
you should get yourself a lady's hat.
I might. It's a good answer.
Get yourself a woman's hat
and cinch it up tight under your chin
so it doesn't fall off, honey.
It won't fit on your head.
We guys didn't even talk about
how much you liked my new hat.
I love your hat.
I love you.
Please show your hat.
I love the deals that it comes along with.
Get that far away in the last ten minutes.
Taylor's been getting freebies from Starbucks always.
Please put it full screen.
You guys don't like my new hat
i love your new hat you're gonna get discounts at auto zone with this to get discounts at
they gave him a foot long for the price of a six inch while wearing they call me the benjamin
button gi because i was there i was the oldest fighter in the war back in the day and now I'm the
youngest and people are always saying I'm stealing
valor.
But it's my valor.
I was really hoping you were a time traveler.
Like you went back,
fought the Nazis and then came back
to the future and now you're just going about your life.
I had to go help, bro.
Draw to defend my country.
Will some of the fans do a good job of Photoshopping Taylor
on the beach at Iwo Jima planting the flag or something?
Stuff like that.
He was in the Pacific Theater, okay?
That's all you need to know.
He killed 50 men, and they were all zaps.
I would like that.
If he could just be in the background and put some pictures to prove it, guys.
Semper Fi, Semper Fi Fi but I don't know about 50
I'm not like Cotton Hill, I'm not quite a hero like him
No, you still got your shins
Yeah, you still got your shins
I still got my shins
You still got your shins, you're not a proper hero
A time travel hero such as yourself should be celebrated
Dude, I just got so fucking
baked last week that
I ordered the World war ii veteran like
in my head i was sitting there playing magic i think it may have like been after a pka last
week where i was like cracking up to myself about how funny buying a world war ii veteran hat was
and then like forget about it because i was baked out of my mind and then two days later
it just arrives and i'm, this is wildly inappropriate.
And hilarious.
And funny, though.
And funny.
Because they're too old.
I could beat up any World War II veteran. Yeah, anybody's going to gripe about it.
Equally ironic, and I think a little less offensive,
is getting a kid a World's Best Dad shirt or something like that.
Like a 13, 14-year-old kid.
Or World's Best Mom.
That's even funnier to me. That's going to give you a lot of glances. World's Greatest Mom on a 13 14 year old kid our world's best mom that that's even funnier
to me that's gonna be a lot of world's greatest mom on a 13 year old everywhere she goes
imagine taking your kid out with that shirt on they're gonna be looking at you yeah and
especially if you have if you're one if it's one of those big families where you've got a
12 year old and a toddler you can take them out together.
Right.
Those are the kind of YouTube videos I want to see.
I tried to find a Civil War veteran hat first, but they do not sell those.
No, they don't.
Not even as a novelty.
But it's a funny idea to sell Civil War veteran hats.
It is. For old people. I mean, my dad's a bodybuilder. He's got a shirt. For anyone. It's a joke idea to sell Civil War veteran hats. For old people.
I mean, my dad's a bodybuilder.
He's got a shirt.
For anyone.
It's a joke that all can enjoy.
That's true.
We take the hardened, intense sacrifice of the generations that came before,
and we make it chintzy.
We wear it on our shoulders.
We stick a flag in the ground and say, look what we did.
We're American.
I mean, we won. You know what I'm saying?
Wouldn't we still be saying that if the Civil War went the other way?
Wouldn't we still be saying we're American?
We won?
That's the best thing about a Civil War is you can't lose.
Not really.
Whatever side wins is going to come out
and be the righteous side won.
That was the Confederacy, I guess.
Yeah, we were happy being the Confederacy, I think.
No, if they would have won, though,
they just would have taken America and been like,
yeah, we're America.
I don't think that was the plan.
Yeah, so you're breaking up because your argument was false.
I don't know anything about this.
I didn't know I was arguing.
If you had a better argument, then your internet would work.
That's what we're doing here, goddammit. So saw something cool yesterday and i had to buy them um apparently they make
grapes now that tastes like cotton candy because they do some sort of black magic fuckery to them
and they taste exactly like fucking cotton candy the little little did you guys know there's cotton
candy grapes these exist i didn't know that cotton candy is not that great of a candy, honestly. It's not, but grapes?
It's a fruit that now tastes like cotton candy.
It's delicious.
I mean, that's one I do like that.
But in the world of, if we have the science to make a grape taste like cotton candy, why not Snickers?
Why not a good candy?
Well, the thing with me is that I personally like grapes a little bit better than I like cotton candy.
So it's kind of a move backwards, but I'd eat them for the whole piece.
I promise you, this is a great step forward forward anybody out there you just fucking get on your
instacart right now or the great step forward like what now i like it yeah yes 80 million will die
because of it but it's a good idea getting rid of those goddamn sparrows they're eating all of our
grain dude that is the the funniest misappropriation of
government power ever.
Kill all these birds!
They're not doing anything but
greedily eating the insects on
our crops.
They're destroying the things that destroy our crops.
Kill all the starlings or the sparrows
or whatever it was. And then it's like,
turns out we needed them to eat the bugs
that are destroying our crops. Turns out we shouldn't have thrown all the farmers in jail and put bureaucrats in charge
of running farms because they don't know how to farm yeah that would go some mistakes i've seen
that coming but by the great they're fucking good i got a whole bag of them downstairs i'm gonna eat
them right after the show that's like uh have you ever seen like those really funny threads of like
communists on twitter who like are out and out communists and like you have to search for it, but they'll say things like after the communist revolution, I'm going to be involved in communist theory.
And they'll be like, after the revolution, I'm going to draw pictures and sell them to people.
And it's like after the revolution, you're going to be deemed worthless
and thrown in a work camp until you die. Like, are you retarded? Like, even when communism
happened in the Soviet Union, what did they immediately do when they got power? They killed
all the intellectuals, all the out of line supporters of the party. And so it was just
funny seeing these people online being like, i'm a communist and once communism is
achieved i'm gonna be the guy who's high class and sits there and tells people how communism
works it's like no idiot you're gonna be killed by a guy who knows how it works better than you
hey this guy's a commie traitor traitor to our country
it's ridiculous no they'd be they'd be like uh no actually this guy who was in favor of our
revolution is actually a kulak now and should be killed for being evil remember the seinfeld when
when uh that they were yeah his boyfriend's giving that commie literature to to kramer and he and he's
starting to get on board and the little midget guy is like get out of that kramer that commie shit. You got me blacklisted
from Hop Sings? Is that
what it is?
That's great.
You name name.
And then that guy leaves.
She named names.
That's great.
Megan Seinfeld references no one else.
When I cut grass, traditionally
when I would cut grass, I wore a hat that was like more
of a straw cowboy hat.
I like those.
That's what I was looking for. And Zach links
straw cowboy hats. I'm like, ooh, I like these.
But $156
for a straw hat?
Get out of here.
For the last of your lifetime.
We don't need one for the lifetime. We need one for the summer.
That is bullshit.
$156 for a straw hat?
I got a $12 cowboy hat that I've had,
and I keep it in the trunk of my car.
Shit falls on it.
It's got holes in it.
It's a cowboy hat.
Protects you from the sun, I bet, if you need it.
Next time I see a big truck stop,
I'll go in and try on the cowboy hats.
They'll have a $12 hat.
Last time I went to Texas, my dad
bought the biggest fucking sombrero they had.
He bought the biggest fucking immediately.
He was like, what do you think? I'm like, I think it looks
absurd and I won't be around you
if you wear it in public. He's like, ah, it's for the desert.
I'm like, good, because I was afraid
you were about to start doing a Mexican accent.
He's like, well, that's later.
He wore that big fucking sombrero out in the desert
and it was easy to spot him.
It kept the sun...
How big was it?
It was fucking comical.
It was like the Three Amigos.
If you got close enough to him,
you could get in the shade. It was silly.
It was an umbrella hat.
We were in the desert walking around.
It was fucking hot.
I was on the way to my grandparents on uh friday
you know they live in deep southern missouri and so you pass a lot of those those odd gas stations
on the way there and like literally it was one of those like trucker big stops and we stopped to get
some gas and like i was walking through and like there there were like literally T-shirts with like Joe Biden running away from like a tractor going.
And I was like, I think like I have I I should have bought it.
But it was just a wild whole section where I'm like, oh, they they really dislike him here.
And I'm like, oh, they really dislike him here.
Like there's him being chased.
I saw the opposite when I was in Wyoming.
It was very pro-Trump, which is, you know, I guess the same side of the coin.
I don't know.
But I was surprised how you could be that political at a restaurant.
Oh, yeah.
But in Wyoming, you're only losing what?
Like 14% of your clientele?
Who cares? Not even that.
Not even that.
Okay. you're only losing what like 14 of your clientele who cares not even not even that okay you're losing the three people who move there from california yeah and the truth the real truth is like they'd rather not have your money you know like like like like they don't
they would prefer it that way and you might be like ha well they won't get it and it's like yeah
that's what they want they have don't fool yourself into making this any other thing than them winning they don't want you in their place they won more than that
they got my money and i kept my mouth shut they completely dominated that thing
they made you cow and come in and eat your fucking macaroni and
the people on
Earth that are the most opposed
to gentrification are the
same Californians moving to
poor Idaho communities
and pricing those people out.
I don't understand what's bad about gentrification.
I really can't. No one has ever explained
to me why. I don't understand it either because
it seems like if people leave,
that's white flight and that's bad and then if people come people leave, that's white flight and that's bad.
And then if people come there, that's gentrification and that's bad.
Where do you want us to live, folks?
Where you were born, damn it.
You know, they took this rundown neighborhood and then they invested in it and they made it nicer.
And now it's more expensive to live there.
Yeah.
Oh, woe is me.
All the people who like stayed stayed their property values went up too
how are you a victim in this i love it they did it in east atlanta and like they kept the graffiti
on the wall so it now just feels hip oh it's cool yeah like aren't those gang tags nah come on let's
go get a burger but you do see that shit. You're right, Woody.
It runs them right out.
It'd be like, wow, all you whiteys moving out of the city, white flight.
Yeah.
Or it's like, all you whiteys moving into the city, gentrification.
It's like, what?
Where do we live?
Where I live is considered Research Triangle Park, North Carolina.
It's this Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill.
That's the triangle.
There's this huge zoning thing that only tech companies and pharmaceutical companies can be there.
They figured out that like these guys have alpha jobs. So for every engineer you get,
you get a mechanic, a restaurant to something else. And they're like, we want these alpha jobs
to move here. So they zoned for it. It worked cool. Well, people would sell their farms and then
like IBM would buy farmland and put up a big building there and
hire people and they're like oh these poor farmers are being forced to move out meanwhile the farmers
are getting like 17 million dollars like they're not poor farmers they're farmers who struck it
rich i hate how they painted all the sellers as victims when they chose to sell you mean yeah
yeah i want to see the movie about the farmer who when they get offered the money they're like as victims. When they chose to sell, you mean? They chose to sell.
I want to see the movie about the farmer who, when they get offered the money, they're like,
oh, thank God, I hate getting up at 5 a.m.
Right?
I know you're just going to build a factory here.
Can I go out there and shoot every one
of those fucking cows in the head?
You don't mind, do you?
You'll clean up the mess.
Deal.
Deal.
Kyle, you grew up'll clean up the mess. Dale! I know, Kyle,
you grew up very close to farming culture
and agriculture and all that.
I grew up in St. Louis, but I was
at my grandparents' all the time. They owned a cattle farm.
And there is
this weird...
It's mostly right-wing
people, frankly, that I see with it, doing this
shit like, you just need to live in a rural area and just do your own thing.
And just like the pioneers would like that kind of bullshit.
And it's like, what are you retarded?
Like, really?
Like, we're not going back to that dumb ass.
Like, you think the best thing to do is you're telling people just go move in the middle of nowhere with no infrastructure no nothing like chop their firewood and grow their food i think
that like that whole that whole argument is a bunch of bullshit like i see and like i said it's
largely right-wing people making it where they're like all the systems are against us and they're
all oppressing us so let's move to the middle of nowhere. And it's like, are you like, if that were true and all of these institutions were oppressing you in this way, the solution you believe is to disenfranchise yourself, make yourself more dependent on a strained out electrical grid and hope for the best.
Like, what are you doing?
Like, are you retarded?
Like, that doesn't even your little fantasy world doesn't make sense like I I spent a while a few
days ago like going through this absolutely
psychotic Twitter thread of someone talking
about how you gotta move into the
middle of nowhere and start raising your own
beats and hunt squirrels
and it's like where do you live
because it says tweeted from
my iPhone
you liar
why don't you lead the way?
Lead the way.
Show us how it's done.
How about a year from now,
you post a video of your totally sustainable compound.
Prove us wrong.
Like,
like,
but they're not going to do that.
They're telling,
it was a whole thread of some lunatic telling people to move into the middle
of nowhere because of some,
you know,
phantom impression. Was the end coming?
Of course it was.
The end was nigh.
Yeah, he said the end
was coming when they blew up the monument.
I stalked my pantry earlier and it really showed
during the move,
and it showed just how much hoarding I had done
during the pandemic.
What had you hoarded as far as...
Please tell me they had lots and lots of kidney beans.
Kidney beans.
The worst beans.
What I did is I would imagine a scenario
where the power grid had gone down.
It had been weeks that we'd been living on
our favorite canned goods.
And I was like, let's get some variety stuff in here.
We don't need ravioli and chili every night.
We're going to have to have some vegetables and some fruits.
There's all these fruit cocktail and pineapple.
Things I never eat.
There's like 15 pounds of rice and beans just dry.
Big bushels of bags of them.
You can lead up to death in a miserable way.
I have all these little sterno canisters and heaters
that you can light with a lighter.
It's like a little stove.
I've got a couple of those for camping.
I'm imagining myself stirring a can of ravioli
using the can
to kill a man and then
crawling into the bushes, I guess, in Atlanta.
I don't know what the plan was.
Survival.
I've got cans of tomato and okra
and corn mixed together. I don't know what I was was. Survival. Going to the bushes of Atlanta. I've got cans of tomato and okra and corn mixed together.
I don't know what I was thinking when I bought that shit.
Survival mode.
That is, dude, okra is only good fried.
Okra is a bullshit vegetable that doesn't do anything.
Even in shit like gumbo where they put sliced up okra.
It's not very good.
Okra is the worst part of gumbo.
If you fry up some of it, it's absolutely delicious.
Fried okra is fire, bro, but every other form, I don't like it.
All I know is I can survive here for weeks and weeks and weeks.
No problem.
I've got plenty of beans.
That is like the ultimate indictment of okra as a food
is that it's only good fried.
I agree.
Do you disagree, Kyle?
Do you think okra is good non-fried?
I don't even like okra fried, if I'm being honest.
Well, that's wrong.
But I feel like you're coming to okra a little hard.
All right.
And a place that has fried okra, that's some sort of southern style restaurant or barbecue joint, right?
So there's like eight other sides that are superior to fried okra everything you do with a potato is better
i've never ordered okra at a restaurant i'm talking about at my grandma's house when she
goes to her garden and fries it up you know i'll invite you i would i would love to bring you to
my grandma's house it would be so much fun. It literally wouldn't
even have to be a content thing. I could just
be like, hey, grandma and grandpa, my
friend Kyle's coming down to hang out. And they'd be like,
well, that's great news. What does he like
to eat?
That's what they would ask. They'd be like,
he's from Georgia.
Well, he's going to love some of the stuff we're making.
We'll make him...
Literally, Josh, they would do that.
He's from Georgia. I'm going to make him some peach cobbler.
I bet that would make him feel right at home.
That's how kind of my grandma is.
Kyle Baugh is right in the stereotype.
My grandma's the best grandma on earth.
I love her dearly.
Peach cobbler is
fucking slaps. It is my favorite dessert.
Peach cobbler with vanilla ice cream.
You know, there are a lot of pies are very very good it doesn't matter if it's a hershey's
peanut butter pie a pecan pie a key lime pie an apple pie a cherry pie name a bad pie you can't
do it pies are fucking awesome i'm not that i'm not that into cherry pie, honestly. Me neither, but I still buy.
Key lime pie is one of the most slept on flavors of all time.
Key lime is so delicious.
I love it.
It's nice and light, and so you can pretend you're not eating pie.
Why would you want to pretend you're not eating pie?
So you don't feel bad at night.
When you're trying to fall asleep and you have a bunch of guilt about things like that you know hey did you uh smoke that chicken
yes i did i smoked the chicken it turned out tremendously have you been do you cook more now
than you did say two months ago for your family absolutely like yeah just just yesterday uh i was working in my living room and
it got to be like 2 p.m so i ran to the store real quick bought a whole chicken for like 12 bucks
uh bought a case of um bud light to like for the beer can chicken to put it in there then got my
little stand got it all set up i i did make a mistake. You assume we all know what beer can chicken is.
Does it go in the beer can?
Put the beer can in the chicken.
There's a flat stand and then a cylindrical wire.
You put a can of beer in there.
Then you open the beer.
You pour about a quarter of the beer out.
Then you put spices into the beer container. Then you pour about a quarter of the beer out and then you put spices into the beer container.
And then you take the chicken and you set it with the beer can.
Yeah.
You just put the beer.
Like that's a very small chicken.
And so like if you use a large.
So much more erotic than I imagined.
Yeah.
Basically, like you need you need a stand if you use a larger chicken. And so you have a stand that has the beer in it.
And then you and then you.
I wasn't finished. Yeah. They weren't finished have a stand that has the beer in it. And then you put it in.
Yeah, they weren't finished, dude.
The chicken on top of it.
And my wife, she did the most recent beer can chicken.
And she cut off the whole top of the beer.
So it was just like an open container.
And this time I looked up and I found a fat man on YouTube who said,
actually, you don't want to cut off the whole top of the beer can.
You just want to like crack it open a little bit because then the pressure
and the lack of ability for the steam to get out of there makes it boil
faster because apparently like the beer has nothing to do with the flavor.
Like it doesn't have to be beer.
It could be.
You came so wickedly close.
I'm blowing that can up.
This chicken has the beer can further up does that imply it's like sluttier than the other yeah yeah that that's a horror that's a whore chicken that's a gaping game that's an you know
it's a good looking chicken though but it's that is done oh that is done but like basically the
so then you barely crack the beer and then the heat
steams up the beer with all the spices in it and it starts evaporating and keeps the inside of the
chicken moist and so it only takes like three and a half four hours to smoke the whole thing
and then you have a mere days worth of chicken no it's only for like like i said i went i put it on the on the smoker at around 2 p.m
by 6 p.m i went out there after doing zero work got a delicious chicken off of there and then my
wife pulled it with forks and it was it was tremendous it's cheap as shit it's high quality
meat it tastes great smoking is the way to go how big of a chicken it was probably 50 bigger than that one
we saw on the beer like this was a big enough chicken that had we set it on top of the beer
it wouldn't have gripped it damn what's that you could eat it by yourself oh is it bigger than a
rotisserie chicken that you would get from the grocery store because i can figure because i can
like sit there and eat one of those that's a good way way to compare it. It's twice the size of a rotisserie chicken.
One of my favorite things to do is to order Instacart from the grocery store and just order an entire rotisserie chicken and a side of rice and just eat the entire thing.
I love rotisserie chicken.
I remember being a semi because when the plans were there when I'm done I remember being a semi adult
in college and like
walking into Hy-Vee
one day or you know
Walgreens or whatever Walmart
and seeing a $4.80
whole chicken and being
like this must be
an error like
the whole thing
and I had a spree in college where for about three or four months,
I don't think I ate much other than rotisserie chickens.
Cause it was so cheap.
And it was easily like two days worth of meat.
If you kind of,
you know what the farmer gets in the whole while the farmer,
how much?
I don't know.
Quarter,
a quarter per rotisserie.
Yeah.
Quarter per, cause they're called, they're called roasters, right quarter a quarter per rotisserie yeah quarter because they're called they're called roasters right a quarter per chicken are you that's the profit the farmer makes that's what
they sell them for that's the gross that's a total amount that a farmer makes it's about a quarter
per chicken and by the time we buy it cooked and prepped up and everything is about five bucks huh
well it goes through a lot of middlemen between the farmer and you right because somebody slaughters it at least one were those the
kind of chickens your uh your dad was raising as a kid like roaster rotisserie chicken he worked
for a bunch of different companies over the years last i heard they were the chickens he grew ended
up in lean cuisine frozen dinners primarily but i think maybe somebody said something about church's chicken a while back.
So I don't know where the chicken actually is.
Yeah.
That is a wild spectrum.
You just get the worst place that chicken exists or arguably one of the
best.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
He's worked with a couple of different poultry companies over the years.
You're a,
I never know where that's going. He's worked with a couple different poultry companies over the years. I never know where that stuff's going.
Dude, there is nothing that makes you more racially aware of your surroundings
than walking into a church's chicken and just being like,
oh my God, I'm the only white person here.
And you walk up and you're like, can I get some wings?
And they're like, you fly into it.
You don't like chicken.
I don't know that.
I mean, that's just daily life here.
Most of the counties here are more black than white.
When I was house hunting, I remember going to this open house at this place,
and the only white person, people, was me and the real estate guy.
And I was like,
Oh,
okay.
So only black people came here for this house.
And as we were driving away,
I noticed that there were no white people in traffic.
I mean,
none.
Like,
like you're just like,
you're like looking for another white person.
Like there's no gas station attendants that are white.
We are the only white people within like hundreds of feet around us easily. And we drove for like three
or four minutes before we finally saw one.
You're a minority in your city.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
In Atlanta, yeah, absolutely.
I think it's like that across a lot of the South, isn't it?
And I'm going to start acting like one.
Well, I mean like...
I guess I already have.
I got locked up for drugs and went to prison.
On some bullshit.
I'm fighting the fight with you guys.
Solidarity.
Fuck 12.
As a person of crime, we're all in this together.
Person of crime.
As POCs, we're all in this together, guys.
I've been playing some Tarkov, like I said, from the beginning.
They haven't added a lot.
What level are you now?
Oh, 15 or 16. I just got the flea market, so
I can actually play now. There's levels in
Tarkov. I'm not going to describe
the whole game, but it is
very in-depth with this really
minutia-filled
building system. It's getting your
guns and your armor out and knowing what
bullets do what. It's super in-depth,
but the game's full
of players who love holding hands and like teaching new players so is that sarcasm you're trying to
debate me in i'm gonna come play you know that's actually true and i've had my hand held to learn
to play also yeah interesting players are genuine there are um like like you can go through when you
buy the game there's a whole sherpa system that you can sign up for and they'll hook
you up with some dude who just gets off on holding some guy's hand through the game and don't think
children there's gonna be some like 30 year old guys like yo bro you're ready you're ready to
pull some noobs yeah he's gonna guide you through and you're gonna have a good time
that means he loves the game in my opinion a lot of people are real passionate about the game. It requires
a lot of your time, so people get
passionate about it, and they like introducing new people
to it. It's a lot of fun. It's like a drug.
I mean, it is a
drug, a hormone. I don't know. It gets released
in your brain when you play it.
I am like...
It just wiped.
I'm just like, should I hit this thing?
They wipe the whole game.
They wiped the whole game maybe twice
a year.
It's not like Rust where there's
individual servers and they wipe when they
want to. The game wiped itself.
There's the concept
of this personal stash where everything
you've acquired and accumulated
and you've attained this
high level in the game. You're like a level 50 or whatever and now you have access to more odds and all of you've, you've attained these, this high level in the game,
you're like a level 50 or whatever.
And now you have access to more odds and ends,
better guns,
better weapon,
better,
uh,
armor and stuff because of your high level,
because of the things you've achieved,
you have such a massive advantage over a brand new player.
Like no,
like in no other game,
a guy who just starts versus a guy who's been playing for three months and has
like acquired everything. He, this guy cannot even kill this guy.
It's not even possible unless this guy's a moron.
Like the other day on Rust, like I said,
I ganked a dude with a bone knife and just came up all the way to endgame immediately.
That didn't really happen that often?
I mean, if he's wearing a face mask, you can't shoot him in the face.
You have to shoot him in the legs like 14
times would be the fastest way for you to kill him with a piece of shit that you might have
and he can just kill you with a laser beam that he probably has it's light and it's night and day
it's a very addictive game i mean it so one player has an advantage over the other as kyle mentioned
now that advantage is earned but like in call of duty we what do you get to like level five or something unlock creative class yeah and once you hit level
five if you're not doing well it's because you're not good yet you know that's what's up it's not
because your gun sucks yeah in tarkov that's not the case your gun sucks you need to play knowing
that you're at a disadvantage your gun will jam void. Your gun will stop working in the middle of a fight
and you have to press L to inspect the thing
and then shift T to clear the jam.
And then meanwhile, the other guy
who had a good gun that doesn't jam
has been laughing at you
and clowning and shooting your legs
so they break.
And it's a milsim, supposedly.
Your legs are actually broken
and now you can't move very fast.
And now he's going to lob a grenade at your feet,
and he's going to say, eat shit, fag, as he runs away.
And you're going to blow up your thigh.
It's that game.
And you can't do anything about it.
That seems just like part of gaming.
Just power through until you're that guy.
And this wasn't just some frivolous life that you just lost it was all
of the gear that all that gear you lost was your shit you can't get more easily sometimes it might
be primo gear it might be stuff that you can't buy you had to scavenge it piece by piece and
assemble it over the course of a week that's what you got playing a game like that and then they'll
be like oh i have a good gun
oh this gun is good i'm not gonna use this gun don't be crazy i don't want to risk this gun
this gun just stays in my stash because if i die i'll lose it if you're looking at well if i if i
use it that puts it in jeopardy it's called so that might sound ridiculous to you too but what you know experienced is it's called gear fear
and you're actually this wipe i don't i got a hex grid and i immediately threw it on now i'm just
rocking a hex grid in a bash and when i lose it it's gone i don't care dude if i lost my magic
you're gonna have a hard time if i lost my magic cards when i lost do you know how seriously i
would take magic yeah like if I could lose a deck
by losing to someone,
I don't know if I would play the decks
that I like. You either gotta invest
all your money in it, or just always
playing for pinks in this game.
That's what I'm saying. I take your shit when you die.
And if you think about that
concept, right, you might say,
oh, well, I'll just go in with a pistol. Okay, you'll never
win. You'll always be the underdog hoping to scrap out a win but if you bring some real good
shit you'll be the guy who just zaps everybody what about the real guys like like the landmarks
the he's running the best he's has the best shit and he wins one v4s i i know that he's he's got
the best shit he's like the creme de la creme. But if he were to pop
into a fight and he took that
mentality of, you know, I'm going
handgun, would he be good enough?
He still shits on people.
So the time when handguns
get defeated is when people have face shields on.
Because then it doesn't matter if you're Master
Blaster and you can shoot somebody in the eyes.
They have their eyes armored.
So we've made it seem like it's a gear-based game and not a skill-based game there are people maybe landmark
i don't see landmark running bad gear very often although i'm sure he can pestily that's the thing
he'll do he calls it zero to hero he'll go in there with like a knife and you know actually
get some kills get some then he gets a shitty gun and then he gets a better gun and and you know he can leave with significant amount of wealth but he's one of the if you were to name three people in the world
who's the best he'd be on that short list he might be the very best it really depends on what your
definition of best is because pastilli is almost like a fucking harlem globetrotter he's put so
much time into the game that he's just always trying to find some new way to make is he better
than landmark would you say at what is would be the question at much time into the game that he's just always trying to find some new way to make it fun. Is he better than Landmark, would you say?
At what would be the question?
At Tarkov.
Different aspects of the game.
There's so many aspects of the game, right?
Like if they both were to try to get as much money as possible,
Bastille might win.
If they both were to try to go out
and kill as many high levels as possible,
Landmark might win.
How about just like general kills in the environment?
If they both took a day, how many kills can you get?
Well, they've done that, and I think Bastille usually won, right?
Like one, two, three.
That seems pretty convincing.
Like kills is a pretty good metric.
Bastille is very, very good.
I would hope so.
I would think so.
Sometimes you get lucky, and there's a bunch of noobs in your game
who are not killing each other.
They're letting you kill them in secession and you're get who's
there was one time right look at the draw still he had a a favorite sniper rifle that he liked
and he was in a world championship right this is like you know they did anyway a fan of pastilles
came in that game and equipped the rifle so perfectly to pastilles spec when he picked it up
it had the name that he gave that custom build
kyle will understand this you know how you can name your bill you can name this is kyle's favorite
m4 right yeah the guy equipped it so perfectly when he saw it in the stash it said kyle's m4
on it because it matched every aspect of the build spec um yeah yeah it's pretty neat anyway
pastille is very very good i think a lot of people argue that his knowledge of the game
makes him the best, whereas Grandmark is particularly good at clicking on pixels.
Yeah, and navigating a multi-angle fight.
The knowledge, if he knows more about the game and how to do it,
I would say that makes you better at that specific game than someone who's just good at logging on.
There's no test to take, though.
We're just going off feel right now.
It's not worth even talking about.
We've talked about it before.
They're both amazingly good at the game.
They're both amazingly good.
The thing that Landmark is good at is particularly well-respected,
beating other players with good gear.
Yeah.
But then there's so many aspects of that game.
You could be a pacifist. There's a guy, is it NoiceGuy, who's never fired a shot?
He's a Tarkov streamer who's never fired a shot.
There's a guy named NiceGuy who doesn't shoot people?
And he just gives people free items and stuff?
He's just making friends out there?
Yeah, literally.
He'll be like, hey, I'm NiceGuy, don't shoot.
And they'll be like, oh, what the fuck?
Yeah, you want some cool loot?
Sure. How does he get suspicious this guy this guy rules i really like this guy now that i'm hearing about
so he's just walking up to people like don't shoot i'm the nice man and they're like what
the fuck are you talking about he's like i'm here to deliver gifts and they're like oh he literally
does that yeah and they're suspicious of shit I'm sure yeah there's lots of different types of
every Christmas they put a AI
like an NPC in there that's Santa
and he does that too
the NPC Santa will just randomly approach
you and give you a gift yes
but there's no one edge
every footstep
Kyle didn't you kill Santa by accident
so there was a thing in the game
so there's a thing called scav karma
and basically it's
a karma system where if you
kill friendlies
then the game starts
shitting on you. It starts making the game a lot
harder for you. That's all you need to know.
They made it so killing Santa Claus
who's an AI counts toward the negative
karma tremendously.
Killing one Santa is like killing
25 of your teammates.
We didn't know it
right away, so we killed him a couple times and it really
trashed our karma.
It fucked that whole wipe up as far
as karma went.
Murdered Santa?
Yeah, we murdered Santa.
I can't. I'm going on a trip.
It'll be so late. If I do play Tarkov
when I come back in August,
you guys will be so rich you'll give me guns
and ammo and shit.
It's so quick to get going, dude.
When you know the game as well as
frankly I do or you do,
I mean, you can...
I play for two days, like four hours each day, I think.
Starting midlife is a thing, though.
Everyone else is rich.
I like that, though, because when you kill people,
you're like, oh, all the things I needed.
Oh, everything you have is nice.
Is questing easier?
We should get off to our cough talk,
but is questing easier now with VoIP,
where you can be like, don't kill me, don't kill me?
Absolutely.
Or you can even be like, hey, do you have the key to this and that?
Yeah, I'll open that up. Yeah, let me get
that water thing marked. People are super
chill if you talk to them, I've found.
Yeah. I mean, not
suck your dick, but you're charismatic too, so
that helps a lot. I try the best I can.
Sometimes it goes well.
I'll suck your dick. You're a sweet
boy and I love you.
And it's cut
so you don't have to worry about it smelling bad
I like that
oh you like it now don't you
now that you're the one sucking the dick
you'd love it
now that I'm okay with it
maybe I go down and I go this is pretty nice
that's where I should have taken the argument last week
don't knock until you try alright if you're going gonna suck a dick taylor would you prefer uncut
or cut well that's not what we're arguing that's irrelevant no you know what i you know i i would
have played into that for the bit but my real opinion would be yeah i'm sucking a man's dick
i want to give him the absolute most pleasure i'm gonna be sucking on that foreskin i'm gonna
be putting my tongue in his foreskin yeah let me put it in there doing some circles i'm gonna
suck his dick in a wild ass way i know you like like treats like can you imagine like maybe if
you were gay your foreshadowing would keep yeah he's not wrong i do look like a man who enjoys
candy like you go down there on your your significant other for a little love making He's not wrong. You look like a man who enjoys candy. No, no, no.
Like you go down there on your significant other for a little lovemaking and
what's that? A toasty
Cheez-It. A toasty Cheez-It
was just in his foreskin.
No one's
upset by that.
It's a little moist, but it's
extra salty and you're okay with that.
It's a good time for everyone.
As long as it's very, very salty, I'm game.
It will be.
Trust me.
It will be.
It's going to be.
It'll be good.
And there will be nothing wrong with that.
What?
You think that's gay because I said I would suck a dick and play with the head of the dick with my tongue through his foreskin?
You think that's gay?
I think it might literally be, but that's gay? I think it would
literally be, but that's
neither here nor there.
I was just trying to talk about Cheez-Its if I'm being honest.
Because of the big Cheez-Its?
Is that why?
Why don't they make big Cheez-Its?
Did you see?
Have you not seen this?
You didn't see it?
Are you kidding me?
It just came out. Zach zach i need you to look up taco bell yep she's it so basically they're making the
what is it the mexican pizza or some tostada or something like that you can get it's apparently
a cheese it that's about that big look at this at this. Look at the size of that Cheez-It.
And it's in there.
And it's a partnership. That's the Crunchwrap Supreme
with the Cheez-It inside. That's the Crunchwrap Supreme
with the Cheez-It inside. And
think about this. That's
revolutionary. That's changing
the fucking game.
We gotta have a culinary landscape.
This is a way bigger deal
than the Doritos locos tacos like
let's be serious about it for a sec it's a much bigger deal putting cheese in the crust was a
bigger deal than this yeah i don't know i won't dignify that with a response but but this this is
the future of eating friends this is the future of eating what i saw on social media was that
everybody was just trying to buy the fucking cheese it's which is what i wanted like kyle said nobody wanted the rest of the taco with it
they just wanted to buy a big big ass bag of huge that's that's that's so funny josh because that
was exactly my thought is someone tweeted at me and said hey if you order this but say plain
they just give you a giant cheese it for like $4. I was like, okay, but it turns out this is only offered in like a very specific group of
stores.
Of course,
it's not like you can go out and just buy these,
which is bullshit because you should be able to,
because this is fucking America.
And this is,
and like,
this is Joe Biden's America where you can't buy a cheese.
It of the girth requested.
And that's,
that's part of Joe Biden's America,
is not being allowed to enjoy something else.
I think you should be able to bribe a Taco Bell employee.
That would be my take on it.
That's probably what's going to happen.
Some black market, giant Cheez-Its.
$20.50 for that sleeve.
I've never seen a Taco Bell employee
that I didn't think was immediately beginning their parole.
All right, that's so funny you said that.
When I was looking for people to shoot with
the pepper spray and the taser and you know the video i did with jeremy we ended up tattooing him
the first guy we hired was a taco bell employee who was taking the garbage out and the reason
that we couldn't use him because he agreed for much less money than i gave jeremy was because
the cop had literally tased him before in the line of duty. I was borrowing the taser off of him.
It was a rerun for that guy.
Yeah, it was going to be a rerun for him.
He was like, no, we're not doing this.
Yeah, my Taco Bell doesn't have those,
or I would have actually seen if I could have finagled
one of those giant Cheez-Its out of them.
Yeah, I want to have one of those giant Cheez-Its.
I'm worried about, because part of what makes the Cheez-Its
so endearing is the crunch.
Crispiness?
Yeah, you want it fresh.
I bet they come in a big sleeve.
You want a whole sleeve of those.
And here's what you want to do.
You want to put that thing on a sandwich.
Yes.
I like where you're going with this.
Perfect crunch.
And it's just a Cheez-It sandwich with a ton of prosciutto on it.
And cheese. Of course there'sciutto on it there's and and cheese of course put it in a
grilled cheese should there be no bread should there just be just two cheeses it'll fall apart
then you have to touch no there has to be bread we're making sandwiches what about what about a
cheesy flat bread that we wrap tightly any amount of bread is good you What Woody said, did you guys see they just
started putting, I don't know if they're doing this everywhere, they're putting pepperoni
inside of stuffed crust pizza now.
It's literally a fucking pizza in your pizza.
That's the most convincing argument
for NASA, is they discovered that.
Wait, discovered what?
NASA discovered
how to get pepperonis
into the crust.
I was wondering why it took this long.
That's a good point. I mean, it's basically like, yeah,is into the crust. I was wondering why it took this long. It's the calzone. That's a good point.
I mean, it's basically like, yeah, calzone crust.
The Apollo 6 mission, they figured that out.
How to get the pepperonis into the crust.
I just was wondering.
It's like a whole pizza inside of a pizza now.
You get cheese and pepperoni inside of your...
I ordered the breadsticks.
I ordered cheesy breadsticks,
and then I dip it in the same fucking sauce.
And I'm like, wait a minute.
This is just an unassembled pizza.
It's better, though.
It's so much better.
I would rather have breadsticks than pizza, if I'm being honest.
I would rather have, like, pizza and breadsticks.
You'd rather have a version of pizza with no meat and no cheese
that you dip in pizza sauce.
I'm sorry.
That's insane.
You should be killed in public.
You can get cheesy breadsticks.
Those are cheesy breadsticks.
I like that Romano sprinkled
garlicky nonsense on those greasy
ass Pizza Hut breadsticks.
I'm good with that. But the only
thing better than that, and I almost never
have gone to this level of degeneracy,
it's that papa john's
liquid butter cup oh my god oh my god i've only had that wow i've only had that five times in my
life like maybe five times you're ordering papa john's and you're not dunking in that every bite
you're a liar that's the only sales point of the John's. The shit you take after that.
The shit you take after that. It's the only sales point.
It's lubricated.
Papa John's pizza.
It's that garlic butter we're talking about, right?
Papa John's pizza is dog shit.
It is amazing.
It is dog shit quality pizza that is absolutely carried by garlic butter.
I don't dip it.
Garlic butter is doing all the heavy lifting in that relationship.
Dude, the pizza is a pain in the ass to get to because all you want is the crust because all you want is a garlic butter shovel.
I drizzle the pizza with the garlic butter.
Go fuck yourself.
The whole pizza.
Sometimes I do that.
I'm not going to lie.
I put garlic butter straight on the pizza, bro.
You're not dipping it?
I can't wait to get to the crust.
I mean, I'm not saying I don't dip the crust.
I do that, too.
But first, I throw a little drizzle on that.
You know, I've been asking for extra garlic butters.
They give them to you. Oh, they're 50 cents a piece.
They'll load you the fuck up. They sell them.
Yeah, it's 50 cents a piece.
It's $5 if you want
10 more.
You know what the reality
of being an adult is that someone said this
the other day. I can't remember. The reality of being an adult
is I can order a fucking cake
and they'll just bring that shit to me and nobody can do a goddamn thing
about me sitting here and eating it with a fork and the same thing is true with papa john's butters
i could order as many as the papa john's near me has i oh yeah being a being a grown-up absolutely
rules like being able to just go be like, you know what?
I like this.
For a while it goes great.
And then you knock on the door and you're like, oh, yeah, I remember what I could do.
I mean, this is a real good 50 that you've worked out for yourself, though.
I had on a shirt that was appropriate.
It fit me.
And I spilled. I had on a shirt that was appropriate. It fit me.
And I spilled.
I had shrimp.
And I dipped it in something.
And I had a stain right there. So I quickly threw on another shirt before the show.
And it looks like I raided my son's clothing records.
I thought you were just busting out of that thing, Hulk.
I thought you were just buying all your things.
It's because Woody.
I thought you just saw a pop-up.
Don't let Woody undersell this bullshit. Woody is jacked. I thought you had a pop. It's because Woody... I thought you had a pop. No, no, don't. I thought he had a pop going.
Don't let Woody undersell this bullshit.
Woody is jacked.
He's yoked out of his mind.
He's a very good...
He is the healthiest-looking 50-year-old man
I've ever seen in my life.
Let me tell you this.
The only better-looking 50-year-old men
are literally celebrities.
Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt.
Yeah, that's it.
No, stick with me here.
Just to be fair, Sylvester Stallone and –
Very good.
What's your favorite one?
I guess I'd still have sex with him.
Demolition Man.
Remember Demolition Man with Sandra Bullock?
He's 47.
He's 47 in that one.
He's all ripped up.
He's still pretty fuckable.
Give me Demolition Man shirtless, Zach.
Look how ripped up he is on the side.
His whole oblique area is ripped out of his arm.
Those obliques are sick on Stallone.
They always have been.
Back in Rocky III, when he shows up all greasy.
He's got that black...
That sounds racist against Italian people, Kyle.
Yeah, I don't care.
No, he's been working with Apollo Creed.
He wasn't Italian Greasy anymore. Hey, got's been working with Apollo Creed. It wasn't Italian grease anymore.
Hey, Gobble Cool.
That's not cool.
Apollo Creed got some of that black people hair
grease like my cellmate had
and he rubbed it down.
47?
47.
That bicep vein is a roadmap.
There's one person in a superhero pose
and you can see his whole
side area. You can kind of see superhero pose and you can see his whole um um like like
side area and it's so i mean you kind of see it here like his traps are nuts you know what's wild
is you can tell from this picture that he has a speech impediment yeah he's got yeah he's got um
i think you're gonna see where he's going for you i think he's like paralysis there on that nerve
and that's what cause gives him that distinctive look
and...
Why are his eyes so close together?
He's one step away from being a
cyborg. A horrible depth
perception. I think I watched a video of this guy
playing bass the other day. I mean, he did want to be the
Terminator. Cyclops I was looking for.
In this scene,
obviously, we can't see it on YouTube.
What's his dick looking like in this scene uh you don't get
to see any dick although i will say this a little little behind the scenes look at this
looking puritan really good doubts so he all he was terrified filming the scene um so um he's
sentenced to be frozen for like 80 years or whatever and the scene where they put him in
this little cube and start filling it up with water he's really in this plastic fucking like thing filling up with water and he
was like it was very unsafe i was terrified the whole time and it was the worst i figured he was
gonna be like 20 minutes of my life it was the worst six hours of his life he was in oh my god
film shit like that because they must have taken so many angles and so many takes of him like literally being drowned and then frozen alive like
however they do the vfx for freezing but he's really in there getting like in a thing getting
filled with water that's terrible i'm not a big alone fan but but uh i do like him in that movie
he shows a little personality sometimes i assume everything is so fake that you know it's hollywood it's all smoke and mirrors and then you learn tom cruise really did
hang outside of a plane tom cruise really has become like a master skydiver and a race car
driver and keanu reeves can really operate weaponry and he can do brazilian jiu-jitsu and i think kung
fu and you know some of these guys that build Tom Cruise is just
unreal with
the shit he's willing to do like
he's not even one of my favorite actors
or anything I'm kind of indifferent to him
as an actor I don't yeah I didn't watch
the Mission Impossible stuff but like
it's insane
how dedicated he is
in any arena where it's
like you want to be a a pilot a fighter pilot
and he's like yeah i want to learn how to fly the plane they're like you know you can just be an
actor and not do that he's like no it'll be better if i can make the facial expressions and act while
i'm doing it and he's a hundred percent right like he's he's a master if he was iron man
it would have been a better seer I would have watched the Marvel series.
Robert Downey Jr. was really good and snarky.
Wait, Tom Cruise was almost Iron Man?
Yes.
I told him the only reason he wasn't Iron Man
is he wouldn't agree to wear a mask.
He wanted his face visible all the time.
That sounds like an urban legend.
Is he that arrogant?
That sounds like somebody just calling him cocky.
Well, no, because even if he... Unless he didn't like somebody just calling him cocky. Well, no, because like,
unless he didn't like the mask
or like it's uncomfortable, you know?
And it wouldn't make sense
because even if it was like,
oh, I, you know, the mask is,
it's distracting for me.
I'm Tom Cruise.
It'd be like,
well, but there's a million scenes of you
without the mask.
You just have to wear the mask
when you're hiding from the public.
So that seems like absolute bullshit.
I sincerely doubt that he said no because he would have to wear a mask when you're hiding from the public. So that seems like absolute bullshit. I sincerely doubt that he said no
because he would have to wear a mask.
I mean, come on.
I can't picture it.
I can't picture him being Iron Man.
Yeah, I've seen...
He probably would have killed him.
I've seen deep fakes of him as Iron Man.
It would have been fine, I guess.
But I think that Robert Downey Jr.
has that snarky Tony Stark quality and personality.
I don't remember.
I mean, Tom Cruise can grow a pretty good beard too,
but the character traditionally has the same facial hair that Robert Downey Jr. used to rock.
What, like a skull patch and a mustache or something?
Yeah, like a little gritty.
Various gritty.
I Googled it.
I want to jump in here.
It's interesting to me.
Tom Cruise was offered the role of Tony Stark.
He turned it down.
He said that he turned it down because he wanted it to be
special and he basically just wanted more
control than Marvel was willing to give them.
He wanted to be in a real Iron Man suit
and they said no.
I have to be able to make decisions
and make the movie at best it can be
and it just didn't go that way.
It was a control thing.
And you think that sounds arrogant,
but you know,
Tom Cruise makes good movies.
Tom Cruise movies.
He like,
like those mission impossible movies.
There is no like fast and the furious would love to be what mission
impossible is.
They might make more money.
I don't even fucking know,
but they are white trash mission impossible.
Just so all y'all fast and the furious fans know that are watching like fast nine or whatever's about to
come out that is the like chill cool equivalent of like some bubba gump nascar redneck shit that
y'all are into that shit is so fucking tired and lame vin diesel has always been mildly retarded. Family! The whole thing is silly.
They were stealing
DVD players.
That was the first caper in Fast
and the Furious 1.
Now they're fucking flying.
Have they gone to space yet?
They will soon.
It's fucking stupid.
Are they saving the world with their ability to drive souped up houses?
It's like a Mission Impossible thing every time like they're helicopters
involved and like rap stars are driving lambos and and they go a long way from installing nas
on honda civics no yeah so far from that we are not racing anymore the world's at stake
the world's gonna blow up it's dr evil now and shit but meanwhile those mission impossible
movies somehow like it's like tom cruise wanted to be james bond and they wouldn't let him so
he's like oh i'll be ethan hawke i'll be fucking the mission impossible guy and i'll make that
cooler than james bond ever was and he has i i think i think it's cooler than james bond
it has to be yeah oh the cooler is not the perfect word remember when he climbed on the outside of
cool remember when he climbed on the outside of the cool?
Remember when he climbed on the outside of the tallest building in the world?
The Burj Khalifa or whatever in Dubai or wherever the fuck?
He's actually out there.
He's on the outside of that goddamn building.
Now, it's kind of silly, fakery what he's doing, the way he's climbing it.
But there's several parts where he's bridging and stuff.
He's just out there on the outside of that goddamn building. I bet you he's good at mountain climbing. I bet he's doing, the way he's climbing it. But there's several parts where he's bridging and stuff where he's just out there on the outside of that
goddamn building. I bet you he's good
at mountain climbing. I bet he's good at everything.
I bet he's good at every fucking thing.
And I really dislike him as
a human being. I think he's so creepy with that
Scientology stuff, and I think
him pushing it has probably set
so many people into that scary cult.
But goddamn, he's a good movie star.
He's a quintessential movie star. Great movie star.
It really is.
He's,
he's aged perfectly.
He's still pulling off.
He's leading man.
Get,
get all the pussy and like when the day rolls at 50 something and he's five,
seven at best folks.
Why do you think Tom Cruise is Scientology?
Right?
Here's my take.
I don't think Tom Cruise is stupid.
I don't think he's stupid.
I think there's something about Scientology that works for him.
For sure.
Maybe he's getting free landscaping out of all these believers.
I don't know.
Maybe their money funnels to Tom Cruise somehow.
Maybe he has a sea of free labor.
I just don't think Tom Cruise is losing at Scientology like everyone else is. You know they've arranged for a couple of free labor. I just don't think Tom Cruise is losing at Scientology like everyone else is.
You know they've arranged for a couple of his wives.
I'm almost positive that they arranged for him to meet wife number two or something
after Nicole Kidman.
I can't even remember who it was.
There's a lot of weird stuff.
The pretty one with brown hair from Dawson's Creek, right?
They're all – yeah, yeah, with the dead eyes.
Katie Holmes.
Katie Holmes.
With the dead eyes.
Does she have a dead eye?
Both of her eyes are dead. She has no soul behind them.
Hmm.
I don't think he's talking about a lazy eye.
No, she doesn't have a goat eye
or anything like that.
That would be really off-putting, right?
If someone had goat pupils?
Yeah, it'd be a little scary.
That's where I first heard that was in the testimony
against a criminal i was reading about and they said he had goat eyes oh yeah that's oh that's
her best look she's that is find one where she's in like spanx at starbucks and and she's trying
to hide she's trying to hide she's trying to fucking hide um no i forgot they were together
amazing movies.
Every time they come out, I end up watching them.
Every time, it's really fucking good.
It's not some schlock.
Every piece of it is well done.
The special effects are great.
The villain is always a cool actor.
Or at least a well-known actor who does a great job.
Even the story is usually decent.
They're great movies.
Tom Cruise is amazing at what he does.
Have you seen Top Gun yet?
No. Did you like it?
I haven't seen it either. I feel like
an asshole with the move and everything.
I've just been... I mean, I'm working
every day. It passed a billion
so it's pretty good. Is it a
remake or a continuation? Part 2.
Part 2. Okay.
I don't even know.
I don't know anything about the plot.
I try really hard to avoid even the preliminary spoilers.
Maybe I won't say anything.
I think he's like instructor for Top Gun. That's what I was going to say.
I think he's a Top Gun instructor now.
And beyond that, I don't know much.
Exactly in the same spot as you.
I heard there was a preview today on Amazon
for the Lord of the rings series i didn't
look at it i'm not super interested in that oh i also haven't watched the new boys and there's a
new one tonight which i think is the season finale i agree yeah there's one more voice
you missed hero gasm then i watched hero gasm i think then you're current. Oh, that's possible then.
I thought there had been a new one.
I think there's been a new one since,
and then the season finale is the episode after that.
I think I'm too behind after that.
But in any case, Herogasm was really fucking cool,
so I'm looking forward to seeing how the season wraps up with that.
I'll never watch anything, man.
I want to be able to keep up better with this shit.
The last thing I want to do is Herogasm. Cool. All right. I look forward to anything, man. I want to be able to keep up better with this shit. The last thing I want to do is staircase.
Cool.
I look forward to seeing it then.
It'll be fun to watch them back to back.
That's the only show I have going on.
But I guess... If that Jon Snow show
is not made by D&D,
I'm going to watch it.
Jon Snow show?
Kit Harington, the guy that played Jon Snow wants to do a Jon Snow show,
which would like continue the,
the,
the story onward for him at the wall with Tormund.
I don't know doing what the fuck,
whatever,
but he wants to do that.
And if D and D don't have anything to do with it,
I'll definitely watch that.
Cause I do like Jon Snow and I would like to see more of that world.
The problem isn't,
I think if the story had continued,
I could have held,
I would have kept watching.
Can they redeem themselves if they came back?
Is Game of Thrones over?
That's essentially what they're talking about.
Yeah, it's very much over.
And I know you say you've never seen it.
You never will.
But he might never finish the books.
I'm not expecting him to with his old ass.
Okay.
So there might come a time when you're 45 years old where you're like,
you know, I kind of like to see a version of the story ending.
And you will watch.
It's not always perfect.
You can spoil it.
We hated the ending.
We hated the ending.
I've been told.
It was despicable what happened in our opinion.
And it ruined years worth
of fandom for us so what they're talking about now is bringing a john snow show back and i would
i'll absolutely be on board with that and i'm more interested in that frankly just the general
premise of that than anything i've seen from amazon on the uh lord of the rings yeah the
teaser came out today that's what i was saying taylor just before you sat down i'm not gonna watch it i think i'm gonna hold it i'm not gonna watch until i see
you won't even watch the teaser i'm gonna watch review no i'll watch the teaser i'm so prepared
to be disappointed from that bullshit like for the lord of the rings i mean i know lord of the
rings not very good but i thought you might no you're wrong it's the greatest story ever told
i mean if that were the case you'd probably watch it i don't know if that were the case probably every fantasy writer
for the next 80 years would mimic his exact work with elves dwarves goblins you know that's not
really that's probably that's probably if it was the most influential fantasy work of the 19th or
the 20th century you'd probably see everyone mimicking him which is what are you do you like
lord of the Rings?
Are you a fan of that series and its author? What's his name again?
Oh, what's his name again?
I'm not wrong.
Watch it then.
Will it be kind of like my situation where
it's too near and dear to your heart and you're not going to be able
to take the mistakes?
This is not saying what has
come before. Look, i'm as big of a
fan of the shit as taylor is to be fair i really really love the original trilogy like tremendous
it's so tremendous um but uh but everything you know the hobbit doesn't poison that for me
you know one of the saddest things if you can you know it's a real first world problem i guess but
seeing ian mckellen break down in that green screen room and cry.
How am I supposed to act in here?
They've just got this green fucking room.
What happened?
In The Hobbit, nothing is fucking real.
It's all VFX.
Whereas in the original trilogy, there's so many real props.
They're in real rooms.
Everything's real.
Force perspective for certain shots.
And this Ian McKellen is sitting on a green chair
with a green wall behind him and i mean you know that that vfx green shit sure and like the whole
table is green and everything on the table and like the candelabra the fruit and everything like
every thank god you've got it look at this yeah yeah i remember i remembered more detail i guess
look at the camera thing over there it It's green. And look at the
taped faces so that he can pretend
to react to the faces there.
Yeah.
I feel so bad for Ian McKellen
here. Thank God he's got a real map.
This is the part they couldn't handle.
I love Ian McKellen. I think Ian
McKellen is one of the greatest actors ever.
I thought he played Gandalf to a fucking T.
But I totally understand
his exasperation here of like
I'm a fucking actor.
I respond to things
going on around me as though it were real
and now you're asking me to respond
to non-existence going around me.
So is that what this picture encapsulates?
Is that what this picture was about?
Yeah, it encapsulates
Ian McKellen being like,
what the fuck? What am I supposed to be
doing here? This is ridiculous.
This is not what movie making is.
And he's right.
But I've seen those epic...
I've watched clips
of those epic battle scenes
from Marvel movies.
It's absolutely soulless.
It is just two superheroes going like this to each other over and over and over
until one is more powerful through magic than the other,
and it's just not that impressive.
I watched the whole...
You know that scene that people are like,
it gave me chills at the end of Endgame
or whatever. Careful!
I'm not going to be.
I watched that whole scene and it was
the most embarrassing instance of
fan service I've ever seen in my life.
Everyone going like clapping. I can imagine
everyone clapping in the theater as all the heroes
landed in perfect sequence.
How long does the whole trilogy put together?
Like six and
a half hours seven lord of the rings extended edition uh seven hours right max oh no all three
of them probably about eight and a half hours eight and a half hours with extended sure we
sat through 26 fucking movies to at two two hours plus each we did 50 hours walking. The same fucking story over and over
sometimes. Just to get to that fucking
scene where fucking, that was
the ride on the goddamn Rohirrim. That was Gandalf
showing up at the
first light on the fifth day or whatever the fuck.
That was it, okay?
That was chills because Captain America
picked up that magic goddamn hammer.
To you, that's a fucking hammer.
That's a magic fucking hammer. To you, that's a fucking hammer. That's a magic fucking hammer, and nobody
can pick that up.
But was there a part at the end where you
thought the heroes might not be able to pull it out,
and then they did when people showed up unexpectedly?
The question was going to be
Man, 20th time's
the charm. The question was always going to be
how many of our favorite heroes
are done now?
How many of them?
I hope all of them. The answer is all of them.
Captain America's essentially gone.
Tony Stark dies. A bunch
of them. Black Widow dies.
The whole team basically gets destroyed.
I wish that there was a scene after that
battle that showed them
getting
fucking robbed in an Uber.
I guess something like, like fuck that low scale shit
fuck these people they're they're terrible they're they're bad heroes are you gonna rob a superhero
in an uber no i'm saying well someone would they wouldn't realize pretty impressive well first of
all they're they're they're ubering so they're not assumed to be superheroes. I didn't know what graphic was going to come up.
I just imagined Robert Downey Jr. being robbed.
I didn't know what.
Dude, that guy looks so much like Joe Biden.
That's what I thought for a second.
I was like, that was random.
Joe Biden wishes.
Oh, if they ever dressed Joe Biden up as Captain America
dude I would love for them to just lean in and start dressing that fucker up
he's gonna be the Republican nominee I don't think he's gonna be it it's gonna be somebody
else really Kyle like Kyle's point of him being the Republican nominee I saw something who knows
if it's right because polling so so ridiculous sometimes but it looked like he's actually gotten wildly more
popular in the last couple months like it like desantis was a little well it was it was trump
in may that was the number one and he was at like 42 and then desantis was at like 18 and then i saw
like the new one and it was desantis at like 14 and Trump at like 60.
And that's just from May to now.
So who knows what can happen?
And you know why, right?
Do you know why Trump's doing this right now?
I have no idea.
The answer is promises made, promises kept.
Okay.
When I was in Hickory, North Carolina in 2016, Trump had one of his people go out there and he let us know
roe versus wade was our number one priority we are going to stop the baby killing and and he was
all about it and i was like whoa either trump won't say anything about abortion i told my girl
i thought he was about the wall i was like watch trump won't say shit about abortion that's just
this guy and he didn't he didn't say anything about it but it was it was there the whole time this approach this pro-life he's paid for a ton of
abortion so he didn't want to touch on it i would bet well i think he wanted like well he promised
he'd pay for them it still goes to kyle's point yes absolutely promises made what i'm saying is
what i'm saying is that the the investments they made in 2016, those were paid back in May and April and March when those briefs were leaked and we found out that Roe versus Wade was going to be overturned. All right. And look, there's a there's a secret that nobody wants to talk about. And that's just how many left leaning liberal women are pro-life and they don't like abortion or at the very least that they don't like how abortion is currently practiced.
That's a solid point. There's so many left leaning liberal women that just hate abortion.
They're really pro-life.
No, no. Kyle's actually like for a different reason.
life no no kyle's actually like for for a different reason you're right in this way because like there is a the the way the narrative is put forward on zero from from the from the media
well hold on no for real the way the media puts forward the uh the abortion argument is that
everyone loves abortion except for evil white men and these evil white men from old money they want to shut you down and they want
to when in reality like there's about as many women that are vehemently pro-life as there are
that are vehemently pro-choice you know and that's intentionally obfuscated to try and make it seem
like a more and it's not perfectly cut red and blue either no it's not perfectly red and blue
certainly not yeah this is not this is one of those issues that some people
feel a very certain way
and you're not going to change it.
The same way that, look...
And it's not that for us. We're all pro-choice.
I don't give a fuck.
I think we should all have machine guns and marijuana, right?
That doesn't really match with both parties.
And we should be having gay sex.
Yeah, that's right.
64% of people
are in favor.
64% wanted Roe v. Wade.
It is an unpopular position to overturn Roe v. Wade.
See, I've seen polls in the other direction that it was more even than we thought.
And I'm pro choice. I don't believe in polling because Donald Trump was the last president.
Because I also fell into that trap.
What are you saying?
I also was like dude
i thought everyone was in favor of abortion like i thought like pretty much most like other than
religious people i thought it was an issue for republicans see i saw something that said it wasn't
i don't know like more it's more even but i'm pretty sure it's widely regarded as very much
a losing issue for republicans but widely regarded doesn't mean it's necessarily
one. It just means how it's being presented.
Like if there's a bunch of religious
people out there who are vehement about
this, that would get them more likely to vote,
right?
We're going to find out.
We're going to find that out, but
there's an argument to be made that
they're not pro-Trump anymore.
Like, alright, so this is mission accomplished.
Now we can move on.
I definitely don't see that.
No, he showed up and he delivered.
And he's coming back for
fucking part two.
Right? Godfather part two.
DeSantis just beat him in
some primary.
Now it's a poll for primary
from one of the early states.
I'm not sure it really matters if DeSantis beats him
two years. The Trump machine hasn't begun yet.
He's going to dig up Giuliani. He's going to get that
hair slicked back and black as night.
Did Giuliani die?
No. No, he's fine.
He said dig up. I didn't know.
He's dealing with his own legal troubles right now.
I think they defrauded some people in Georgia
or something. I don't know. Everybody's getting subpoenaed left and right.
Lindsey Graham is refusing to show up.
The Republicans are so wild.
Lindsey Graham's too busy giving head
to show up. Lindsey Graham,
I guess, repeatedly was trying to
find ways not to count
mail-in ballots.
He was sort of doing the opposite of every vote
counts. Now they want to subpoena him
and he's... He said, nope. Yeah, he's like, I'd rather not talk vote counts. And now they want to subpoena him. And he's.
He said, nope.
Yeah. He's like, I'd rather not talk to you.
Yeah.
I don't know what happens next.
He's like, it's either tell the truth and go to prison or get up there and lie and get
perjury and go to prison.
So I'm just going to say no.
I don't know.
It seems like if you're powerful and you're a senator, you have the option to just not
participate in the legal.
No, look, I didn't have that.
Yeah.
You're exempt.
You just do whatever the fuck you want.
You can be like, yeah, I insider traded.
Tee hee.
I can tell you
that we are not living in the prime
timeline that we have
split off from the normal
timeline and where the main
group of timelines go.
We're on some tangent off
where a lot of awful things happen. We're in some tangent off where you know a lot of things
happen we're in the fall of rome timeline yeah yeah this is where we're watching in real time
our country collapsed around as a child i used to look at england and be like man what's it like
to be a has-been country well i'm gonna find out if i haven't already already found out we are a
has-been country you We have the largest economy still.
We probably have the biggest military.
I mean, but we also like, we were pretty convinced that all of those European EU countries were going to follow our lead and be like,
we will not purchase gas from Russia.
We will not buy this because that's what the US tried to lead.
And now what's Germany doing?
They're buying a shit ton of gas from russia to keep the prices from going up and so like what it seems is that
there's almost a hegemonic shift where the u.s is going from the global hegemon of power that can
infiltrate and do anything they want to more of a even power to places like china which is not good. I disagree with that argument. Yeah, fair.
It's been going
great. This whole
Cold War thing with Russia is so
much fun. Yeah, and inflation
going through the roof and the economy
being horrible for the average American. Yeah, that's tremendous.
You know, that'll flip back. You remember 2008?
Yeah, you remember 2008
how it flipped back and everything was okay
and millennials owned homes?
Well, I mean... No. 2008 yeah you remember 2008 how it like flipped back and everything was okay and millennials owned homes well i mean no wait aren't you remember that going to home i am but that's because i'm that's because i'm very blessed to be hey not everyone can be a funny retard online
there's a limited number everyone can be in the jizz biz and just so
goddamn good at it.
That's why they take a novel on
scientific study and
checkmate.
Checkmate.
He's got me.
Kyle, that guy you like,
James Cann, he died.
Who the fuck's James? James Caan. James Caan,
is that how you say it? From The Godfather, yeah.
Oh, that's a damn shame. Good actor.
82. Good run, though.
82's a great run. I've never
seen The Godfather or The Rocky movies.
I'm not seeing an 8 in the front
of my age. With the amount of damage I've done
to my body, there's no fucking way I'm
seeing an 80. He played
Sonny in Godfather. Yeah. damage i've done to my body there's no fucking way i'm cna d he played uh sunny and uh godfather
yeah really good i guess i never noticed he was in the godfather because it was so long ago he
looked like a totally different guy you know the whole meme like look they done the boy my boy they
massacred my boy that whole meme yeah yeah he's the boy who's been massacred it's sunny who's been
like machine gun down and like kicked in the face for spite. They lured him out of the house.
Yeah.
Carlos set him up.
That bitch.
That bitch.
That fucking bastard.
I've been told it's the best movie ever,
and I've never seen any of the Godfathers.
Jesus, I'm kind of spoiling the minor side plot.
I'm sure you won't remember any of these details.
I probably won't remember that.
Yeah, I'm going to watch it.
You should go watch them.
Godfather 1 and 2 really are.
You have to be in the mood to sit down and watch a film that has a complicated plot.
Right.
That's a bit of a mystery, especially in the second movie.
But I think they're really good.
I love them.
I recently watched them.
I've even sat down.
I think there's this crazy, stupid Coppola edit that puts both films together in chronological order
because both films do that back and forth.
Yeah, they go concurrently.
This edits it all into the same chronological order
and makes it like a five-and-a-half, six-hour movie.
Just don't watch Godfather 3.
No, that's garbage.
I was about to say, you did specifically say 1 and 2.
I'm guessing 3 was like the sellout.
Yeah, don't bother with 3.
It's terrible.
They just shouldn't have made a third one.
It didn't work for a lot of reasons.
One of the main characters was supposed to be, I think, Christina Ricci,
and she couldn't be in it.
Or maybe it's Winona Ryder.
I don't remember which.
Winona Ryder, I think she went and did Bram Stoker's Dracula.
So instead, Coppola used his own daughter,
who's this cute little italian girl
who looks the part but can't act for shit and that's one of the many reasons that movie stinks
it's a bad movie i'll just fill in with my daughter instead of a trained actor one and two
are tremendous one two are tremendous they're very long you know you know what i think like
because obviously like the godfather one and two are always put up there in the conversations for
the best movies ever.
Like, it's still a gangster movie,
but I think, like,
because I've watched Godfather 1 and 2 multiple times,
I think Casino and Goodfellas,
particularly Goodfellas,
are up there in the same quality as that,
but because Goodfellas was the 90s, it doesn't quite get the respect of the older mob movie yet.
But Goodfellas is fucking tremendous.
I would put Casino in the same situation.
Casino was a tremendous movie.
I fucking loved Casino.
Yeah, I don't watch it because I don't like the story.
I don't like the downfall of De Niro's character,
and I don't like the slutty Sharon Stone character.
But you acknowledge and like it as a good movie.
And I really dislike that scene
where they beat the guy's brother to death
with baseball bats and bury him alive.
Yeah, I didn't like that, but it was a good scene.
It was played out well.
It was acted well.
That scene didn't make me feel good.
It wasn't meant to.
It wasn't meant to.
It didn't make you feel.
Yeah, but I don't want to go back to
that feeling like the admit i was talking about earlier i kind of got off at the very beginning
of the show i was talking about deliverance and how that made me feel when i watched it i remember
i was 13 or 14 and it was i think it was on tv like broadcast tv like channel 62 and during the
commercial breaks i was like what the fuck and I think they made the rape scene less explicit somehow maybe.
But it was very clear that Ned Beatty just got fucked in the ass.
Pretty loose.
And that was just so terrifying, like I said earlier,
because that was something that could actually happen to you.
And there'd be nothing you could do because you just get,
what are you going to do?
They're going to shoot you.
So that's where the unease kind of came from.
Just kind of an awareness.
Well, that movie, it's just upsetting to watch because you don't want to see
poor ned bay to get raped and then and then the fear for the rest of the characters trying to get
out of there i did want to see him get raped because you recommended the movie to me and i
was like when he when is he when is he gonna be get to the rainbow already. Shit. Get all in it, man. When I heard the...
Oh, yeah.
You know what's going on.
And then they were floating down.
I was like,
oh, a little anal penetration is coming.
I'm ready.
I'm ready to see.
And you know what?
It's called Stockholm Syndrome,
but I found myself on the side.
I think all of those guys but John Boyd.
All of those guys but John Boyd are dead.
All of them but John Boyd.
I didn't know that Burt Reynolds was dead.
All of them were raped other than John Boyd?
That's what he said.
That's wild. You heard it first on PK?
Oh, they're all gay
other than John Boyd.
You fucking cocksucker.
Forgive him, other than jumble. You fucking cocksucker. Intentionally.
Forgive him, Kyle.
He's only got a hip on one ear.
That's true.
I can't hear it.
It won't fit on his head otherwise.
I'm so disappointed to learn that little fucker
wasn't playing the banjo.
I was hyped on that shit my whole life, man.
Kyle, you ruined me, man.
I was like, if that kid can do it, I can do it.
I wanted to play banjo because of that guy.
You're not even wrong. Kyle's's a it's an adult playing the
banjo obviously but and now that i look at it with his critical eye i also said it i noticed i was
like that arm is not his but the first time i watched it i was the same as you where i was like
this little fucker can strum someone lied to me once and said they had met him
like that's the level of bullshit
I had heard before
just to try and defend it
oh yeah I've met the banjo player
he really plays like that
oh he's 50 now or whatever the fuck
I have literally been told that fucking lie
and then you go you watch some
watch mojo top 10 things you didn't know
about the deliverance
that's not
really that poor mentally disabled boy playing it's funny they just propped him up and stuck
some hands in front of him and he's just enjoying the show i saw one of the videos you're talking
about that said it was him that's why i believed it but it was on youtube not tv that's where i
fucked up yeah also the the the adult banjoist must have had some very small hands
because it still looks like a child's hands on the banjo.
I'm sure they found a petite banjo player, perhaps a lady.
I will say that whoever the fuck was playing it,
it has been hands down some of the most impressive instrument playing
I've ever seen because of how fast the banjo is,
and I really want to learn to play it just because of that scene.
And people think that I'm trying to do everything else in that movie my dad plays with a guy who could
do that shit like he likes your dad play banjo yeah fast instrument in the world he can't play
like that he doesn't but he can absolutely play that song he can pick out into a chord so like
yeah if you're just if you're just hitting the strings anything with anything with strings i
think is like if you can play one you can can play them all. He seems to be able to.
Can you play any instruments?
I've got a Fender guitar over there in the corner and with enough memory
I can play the first little bit of a song
like...
I can play a little bit of something
but I can't remember anything right now.
I'd have to get my fucking video out.
You'd have to relearn it.
I'd have to relearn it again, yeah.
It's so hard to keep practicing no sure dude i can hear songs that i played it covers in prison bands a thousand times and i literally don't remember how to play it oh we talked about
that last time right yeah there was a there was a prison chorus and uh i think i've told this story
before but they they uh i thought it was the ray pets i thought it was the lamest uh thing
i'd ever heard of they were like because yes no was in there he was like yo you should be in the
chorus with us with the choir and i was like nah man i don't want to be in the fucking choir i'm
gonna be like no i don't care for that and and so like but they had been promised i can't remember what the meal was
but like fried chicken or pizza party or something like that and and so they went out there like
dancing fucking monkeys for the prison organization i think some like people from the state came down
or something and they went after fucking staying out there like fucking dancing monkeys for those
people to show what good reformed to be convict convicts they all were going to be. The system's working.
And then they were like, where's the pizza party?
And they were like, nah, we changed our mind.
It turns out it was going to be
too much to bring you guys pizza or whatever they
promised them. And literally they came back
and they were like, yeah, we just didn't get anything.
They all left thinking they were going to a pizza party
and they went to a meeting where they were told they got
nothing. And then
dismissed.
And then dismissed. And then dismissed.
Thanks, bye.
Back to your sales.
You get nothing.
Thank you for singing.
It was super embarrassing because they made us all come out
and listen to them sing too.
You guys want to wrap?
No, I want to do another hour of this.
You bitch.
Yeah, Taylor, I wish I could.
Woody's got a big trip, right? I'm going to do another hour of this. You bitch! I wish I could. Woody's got a big trip, right?
I'm going to do one more show.
One more show, okay.
We get one more show, Kyle,
and then we can go wild.
There will be no one to keep us on.
We got some special spots.
You know that song that's literally nothing but N-words
that's going to be PKA for
four hours?
Yeah, it's the n-word song
and it's a real jam.
We've got the RSK hoods on the
merch site. We just really
burn the place down while you're gone.
We'll do
our best. Josh,
where can everyone check you out? Where can they
find your stuff? I'm at twitch.tv
slash jay palalt five days a week come hang out i just started dipping in rust and kyle's got me
half convinced to try to escape from tarkov real sweet kids give me recommendations and i do them
and then my youtube is josh plot it's my name spelled however wherever it is right here type
it in on youtube and hit subscribe guys you already know oh yeah check him out guys josh is a great
great gentleman we like him very much i was glad him out, guys. Josh is a great, great gentleman.
We like him very much.
I was glad to be back, guys.
It's always great shooting the shit.
Anytime y'all need me,
I'll be happy to step in.
I appreciate it.
We'll get you more.
PKA 603.