Painkiller Already - PKA 611 W/ Wolf & Harley: Hangout Board Games, Toe Rot, She Hulk
Episode Date: September 3, 2022Use Code “PKA” for 10% off your entire Lock and Load order! https://gorillamind.com/products/lock-and-load-pka-collaboration-1/?rfsn=6138256.b4345db https://www.wonkyweeds.com/ Use Code “PKA20...” for 20% off! https://www.deathbygummybears.com/ Use Code “PKA20” for 20% off https://www.BetterHelp.com/PKA Guest Social Medias: Wolf’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wolfpaintball Wolf’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0T9EzcI4h8SZfh5b1VxUhQ Harley’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/epicmealtime Support PKA on Patreon: https://www.Patreon.com/PKA Merch: http://PainkillerAlready.net PKA on iTunes: http://bit.ly/PKAOniTunes PKA Subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/PKA/ PKA on Podbean: http://painkilleralready.podbean.com
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pka 611 our guest wolf is joining us roughly halfway through taylor always late always late
oh jesus christ i was like as soon as i saw wolf was the guest we'll do the ad thing in a second
i was like i wonder what inappropriate thing i'll say tonight i don't have a plan
we'll all find out together this episode of pka brought to you by BetterHelp, Wonky Weeds, Death by Gummy Bears, and of course, Lock and Load.
Lock and Load still marked down $10 off of the original price.
So check that out.
Still get the 10% off with code PKA or code Jizz.
So check that out.
We just got some more stock in for your guys.
I'll admit, I took a break from the Lock and Load.
Maybe something to do with the broken leg.
I don't know.
But I have been told that my lady friend, my wife, she liked to have a taste.
She misses the pre-cum.
So, boys.
Wow.
We're back on the fucking sauce.
We're back on the sauce.
We're back on the sauce.
Performance load enhancers take it from
the person selling the product's wife
she loves it she loves it and you know what we've talked about it before women like feeling
accomplished you know when you're making a girl come do you want her to go oh no you want to you
want to know that you want to feel the genuineness of it you don't want it
over the top theatrical this is fake i want neighbors to show yes i want the police there
my neighbor came over today uh did you have to do ads more you got more ads right no no i got
them all those are that's who we're sponsoring good good fucking early in the morning uh my
neighbor knocks on the door uh african-american real nice guy. Had a few chats with him.
He smokes weed off the roof of his house sometimes,
which I think is hilarious.
He's like, shh.
I'm like, how am I going to tell?
Like he's keeping it a secret.
It's workaholic.
And that kind of leans into this,
him getting on the roof of his house to smoke
because he locked himself out of his house,
him and his wife this morning.
They're locked out and they're jammies in the fucking yard.
And they're going door to door looking for a ladder so that he can climb up on the little overhang on his like front porch go into the second floor window into his bedroom
and get back in the house and he's begging and i have a ladder but he doesn't know that
he doesn't know it. He doesn't know it. He's never seen my ladder.
And at first, I'll admit, I was like,
ah, damn, that sucks.
I'll let you know if I think of anything.
And I went inside and I went,
I can't leave him out there.
And I went and got the fucking ladder. And I was like, turns out I got a big ladder here.
A brand new big ladder. so let's get you up on
your in your house so so that's what i was doing at like 9 fucking a.m in the morning i was not up
for climbing roofs at 9 i like that 9 a.m is a crack of dawn unreasonable time to exist as
conscious what you got to keep in mind is i don't have shit to do at eight right seven you know it's just the reference to nine a.m like the exasperation maybe it's a single
digit time were you guys aware the sun is up by nine i'm six hours out of all right i put my head
on the pillow and six hours later there's a man waking me up. That's why. Put it in your whatever weird kind of way you do things.
It'd be like someone knocking on your door
at three in the morning or something
wanting a ladder.
That's what's happened to me.
So no, we got him all straightened out.
That was kind of.
We got him a fucking ladder and everything.
I guess it was.
I don't know.
I kind of feel bad.
Loading up on karma.
The ladder guy.
The dog surgeries.
I guess that's it it he took in a special
needs dog that alone is huge karma i did i did and and i'm not even talking about the retardation
he's got physical issues yeah yeah yeah well the way how's he doing he's having a great fucking
time dude that dog i left a blanket in front of the dryer last night it needed to be clean
so he went and took a big shit right on it.
And so now it really needs to be washed, right?
A big old shit because you've been feeding him sandwiches.
Oh, I'll get to that.
He's a picky eater.
He won't eat fucking dry dog food.
I think it might hurt his teeth.
I don't know.
He's got good teeth.
It's not like they're bad.
But anyway, he took the shit on his big black blanket.
And he does this thing after he does his business where he like does
those rear kicks like yeah i was here like big aggressive ones kicking moss and grass everywhere
and uh he had clearly done that to the blanket because it was like covered up i had to like i
smelled it and i was like oh god no and i like had to like unfurl the blanket and find the poop
and there's that big old dog turd in there.
So that's the worst he's done, though.
He hasn't vomited or taken a messy poop
anywhere, but he lays these nice
dry turds on places that are easy
to clean up occasionally if you don't take them out.
Of course you hate vomit, but I
forgive it. I've never seen a dog
revenge vomit or decide
to vomit. This is a dog in distress.
Yeah, he didn't want to throw up.
Nobody wants to throw up. You throw up, you throw up.
Although drunk people, I have a hard time.
I don't want to deal with your vomit.
You brought this on yourself, cocksucker.
Not the same kind of stuff.
Yeah, it's not a stomach flu vomit.
It's like, come on, man.
So last night, I went to feed him
late, like 10 p.m. or something like that.
I feed him twice a day, like a pound of wet food at a time.
And I'm out of wet food.
He will not eat the dry food.
And so I look in the fridge, and I've got a pound of roast beef.
So I get some mayonnaise and some bread, and I made him a big fucking roast beef sandwich.
You put mayo on the sandwich?
Yeah, I mean, I would want mayo on it.
I want some dry-ass roast beef sandwich. Get out of here that's so good i'm with kyle any mustard no he doesn't
like mustard a little relish but he likes a little crunch in there um no he i i didn't even watch him
eat it i was like dinner served and i i put down a sandwich that i could not have eaten and then
when i went down there this morning there was a tiny triangle of bread crust left there and i i put down a sandwich that i could not have eaten and then when i went down there this morning there was a tiny triangle of bread crust left there and i i got a feeling he was
leaving that for me i think that was for me i think he was saving that he was like i left you
some probably not though he's just fucking full you think he's gonna have permanent resonance
like at first you were clearly looking for where to get him next and now he's doing better you know
he's got the leg thing.
He's limping around on that.
I'm not going to spend $5,000 on this dog's leg or anything.
But I'm giving him pain pills every day.
And as long as he doesn't, like, bump it on anything, like, he's not even.
It's like a payment plan for his leg.
Aspirin's cheap, you know.
It's aspirin, okay.
Yeah, it's dog aspirin.
It tastes like liver.
So, no, he's doing okay.
He's downstairs right now fucking smiling. Does he take his pills well? It's aspirin, okay. Yeah, it's dog aspirin. It tastes like liver. So, no, he's doing okay.
He's downstairs right now fucking smiling.
Does he take his pills well?
I wrap him in cheese.
I mean, I have a dog that I'm the only one in the house who can get him to eat it.
With Harley, you have to tip her mouth up.
You have to open it.
You have to make sure her tongue is not forward.
It needs to be in the back position.
Drop it deep in her throat.
Hold it closed. Then I rub her neck.
Even then,
I'm 80% successful. There's a process. I've been doing this for a long time.
How large are the pills? She's just hard.
Tiny.
Amazon sells dog
pill hiders. They're little treats that are hollow.
Sure. Try them.
She's on to you, Kyle.
My dog, when he got to the
crunchy part in the middle of the cheese,
didn't think a thing of it.
My dog's good at it.
It was a pill the size of a nickel.
No,
tiny pills. Everything.
She just doesn't do pills well. We've tried
the pill hiders.
And you put it in there, and it looks like a... What is the hors d'oeuvre that's like a tiny hot dog?
Oh, pigs in a blanket.
Yeah, that's what I'm looking for.
It kind of looks like that, but there's a hole where the pig would be.
Like combos.
Remember combos?
Yeah, it's like a combos.
That's a better analogy.
You fold the soft top over it.
Like, I do that with my dogs.
And every time I give them one,
I'm always waiting for them to figure it out.
But I'm batting 100.
They've never figured it out.
They've never cared.
Like they just, like Fozzie swallows it whole
because he doesn't want to lose out.
And then Teddy eats it to spite Fozzie
because he always saves his treats
until after Fozzie's done
so he can be a dick about it.
Very vindictive.
What I really like about this dog is at least when he pees,
he takes those old man dog peas where he just,
but all legs on the ground and then all of it,
all of it,
not some little marking territory nonsense.
Hey,
better smell this later.
I got 30 more spots to hit.
He drains the fucking lizard.
Okay.
He takes longer
pisses than i do i like like he pissed inside the other day on my fucking rug in the living room
that's when i bought the steam cleaner and he started and i was like no no no wait a goddamn
minute go go go you're gonna set a fucking record over there dude he went for a solid minute and 10
seconds or something i was like i don't know i'm gonna need a special vacuum to clean this up
dude when you have great danes it's i can't imagine another thing it's like like how do you
clean up a dog urine right you grab a couple paper towels if it's a big dog like maybe even a lot of
them towel yeah you are sacrificing a beach towel to the urine gods
just admit this is where we are it's going to take one of your more absorbent household towels
that you'd use on yourself and then you'll put that thing straight in the outside garbage it's
literally like it's like if i came over to your house and you were like jackie taylor peed in the
living room like that amount of pee like you pee. And I'm just openly pissing.
That's too big of a deal.
That's just too much.
I know we bring it up a lot,
but do you know how that family cleaned up that poop
that you left in their floor that time?
I did it.
Oh, thank God.
What a good guy.
Of course.
I'm going to help.
I'll say this.
If you pooped in my house,
I'd have went right to the edge of helping you clean it.
And that's where I'd have stopped.
I'd have been like, dude, I have shit this floor myself.
It's okay.
I'd have told lies to make you feel better because that's the most embarrassing thing.
I'd be like, dude, we shit the floor here every week.
Usually we do it on.
There's some of mine there in the corner.
Usually we do it on Tuesdays. It you know, that's not a game.
It didn't flush because of my huge shit.
No big deal.
If I did that at your house, sincerely, I don't know if we could still be friends.
I would be like, every time I look into his eyes, I see my own shit.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's just fucking poop, you you know that relationship was doomed from that
day well i think it depends on whose poop it is right but someone you loves poop and i'm not
talking about some sort of weird scat fetish but if it's someone you loves poop you're like
what about this i got this you get up there i was eating so much so much chipotle at the time
so i know you're making this hard to defend
that day i ate an entire can of refried beans
yeah i mean when i got after i got my license in high school like one of the things i just
loved doing all the time was just like impulse getting burritos like just like going and getting
burritos at kidoba once i had the car and i got to decide when meals happen see that's the thing
that i never i'll never understand about.
And I know every generation does this.
Oh, these kids these days.
But guys, you don't want cars.
You don't want the ability to be like,
I want a fucking burger and nobody gets to decide when I have it.
It's such an empowering moment when you get those wheels.
Are there really that many people who don't want cars?
Or people just can't afford them?
Not having your license is bizarre.
So weird.
Just get it.
I hope in her friend group, a handful of them just weren't in a rush to get a license.
They all drive now, of course.
She's 23.
They must have had a social thing where everything I have, I already have.
If I want to get taken somewhere, it happens.
Probably a close friend group where we're over at each other's houses.
So the idea of needing to go somewhere to have fun is absent but for me growing up it was like i gotta get the fuck out of this room if i wanted to go somewhere and i asked my parents
they would most likely just say no so i desperately wanted a license with hope we'd just
give her a ride so she didn't have the same you know i don't know she wasn't
missing out yeah that's true yeah people in my dad's school like my dad was like he was like
you got to get this license you know this is important i'm like i don't think i want we're
getting it he's like like it was there was no question it was like oh that segway jackie got
a license jackie now has her motorcycle permit and we have been riding together almost every morning
just practicing she doesn't go far she out from my house leads into a neighborhood it's called
medium density housing right a bunch of small like whatever quarter acre half acre lots and
we drive around that neighborhood a lot and just practice stopping turning stop signs we play the mailbox game where we stop at
every mailbox and she gets you're used to starting and stopping and that's where she is so yes low
key she's terrible but you know we're just putting time in once you get that starting and stopping
thing though every you you know it's fundamentals right everything else is gravy. A lot of U-turns. We'll go to the dead-end roads and just do U-turns.
Everything's important.
You're on a motorcycle and there's tons of metal moving around you.
I was about to say, like, oh, yeah, this part,
to be riding a motorcycle is so important.
It's like, yeah, the high-speed turns don't matter at all, huh, Kyle?
It all matters.
It's all in the Lord's hands when you're on a motorcycle.
Mostly.
Mostly.
He's at least 50-50.
Some hobo walked up to me yesterday.
I came out of the gas station, and he thought I had cigarettes,
but I had a vape that I had bought.
I had a nicotine vape.
And he was like, hey, brother, the Lord gave us another one, didn't he?
And I was like, what?
What do you want?
It was Crackathon, 11 a.m., 11 a.m.
Yeah, right. That dawn sun high in the sky. I was like, what? What do you want? It was Crackathon. 11am. 11am.
That dawn sun high in the sky.
Burns.
They call it high dawn
for a reason.
He asked if he could have a smoke.
I was like, nah, I got these things,
man. I show him the vape. He's like,
what the fuck is that?
I was like, it's a vape.
The fuck is that? He's raising his voice's a vape. The fuck is that?
He's raising his voice now.
Is he fresh out of prison?
I'm like, it's a vape!
You deaf or stupid?
I don't want to fight right here at BP, dude.
I got to get home.
No, he was just a crazy person, it turned out.
He was an actual crazy.
We had about three more exchanges back and forth. I realized he was a crazy person it turned out he was an actual crazy um we had about three more
exchanges back and forth and like i realized he was a crazy person right there crazy person right
on the streets weird yeah yeah i love it the problem is i didn't identify him because again
crack of dawn 11 a.m i thought the crazies wouldn't be out yet only like respectable adults
like me are up this early and so there he, fucking wearing jeans and a t-shirt.
It wasn't until I saw his hands that I knew he was a hobo.
He had those fingernails that were all the way back.
Those shortest fingernails and those dirty, bald fingertips.
Wait, short fingernails?
That's hobo?
Yeah, mine are short.
Not long fingernails?
Yeah, I don't like yours either.
Mine are actually too long right now.
I'm looking at them.
What I don't like is when they're too short
I don't want to show them because you won't like them
You're too short
So like Elijah Woods
In Lord of the Rings
He's got those bit down nails
That made him less stressed
What if he can't open packages?
I always have a Leatherman on me
Yeah I don't do well
Ripping open packages either Primitives just I don't do well ripping open packages either.
You primitives just scratching with your claws trying to open packages.
If I take your tool away from you, you can't get into an Amazon box.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, I'll just force it open.
Please stop it on it over there.
I told you.
No, it is true.
I really can't do the like you know pliers thing
with my fingernails like but um i have a preference for a super short dude i have
i have fingernail clippers right here i have fingernail clippers in my truck i have them
next to my bed i have them downstairs in the kitchen i am never really very far from clippers
and if i can if it is possible to bend them backwards something has gone awry
my goodness i like bend them backwards my preference seems like it's very important
that they be short i if they get longer than that i just feel like i'm unkept what is too
short kyle because like not letting them overgrow the tips of your fingers seems like normal
of course yeah i mean i don't want to see any white you know like how at the end you know it like turns white when it starts like growing past
when it's too long yeah yeah i want it to all be pink but i don't know if i want it to be like down
and set into my uh into my finger bed or whatever that is like what i really wish is i if i had i
don't know i wasn't lazy enough to have someone actually do them i would get a manicure and a
pedicure i got a pedicure the other day and my feet looked so much better afterwards i was like i want this all the time
but did they trim them up or adjust yeah like trim and like rounded them and made them look like no
no the hair i meant like they they do yeah yeah yeah no i style i did a perm and a press oh we
got a nice coif on the top of your foot yeah yeah
you got a zoomer perm on your big toes a pompadour was it was that uh yeah
no i i usually shave them i usually use my like norelco i think we all use the same
one yeah the one blade and just run that through there oh yeah i gotta get them as a sponsor the
one that i have right it's so good i was so glad you guys recommended it it's tremendous
it can't be clogged which i like you know like you what sold me is i i was like all right i want
one that won't be clogged that's like a big deal to me and then there's this guy he might be persian
on youtube and he had a beard that's i think thicker than Taylor's, which is already an a plus beard.
And he just took this thing and shaved it in one pass.
And I'm like,
the fuck this is an industrial beard trimmer.
If need be,
I,
I mostly,
you know,
when,
um,
I'm gone a week or something and the electric shaver doesn't cut.
They have waterproof ones too.
I don't know if it's the same company,
but I have a waterproof one that like you just put a little guard on and you just use it in the
shower. Keep your pubes in line. So when you shave your face, when you're getting the beard
trimmed up, because what I do is I let it grow for five days and then I trim it back down to
the same length. And I repeat that over and over for my entire life. So there's hair everywhere,
right? Where do you shave and how do you avoid ruining the sink i've got i've got my way but i'm like a quasi single
man who has multiple bathrooms in their home and i could have a shit show of a bathroom if i want
yeah so i use my sink area so i in my in my master bath there's two sinks and uh my wife tends to use like she
has so many products and everything she uses like one of our guest baths just as her own personal
like getting ready one and so i have like my own like toothbrushing station and like doing my hair
and everything and then the other one i just use for shaving and so before i do it i get like
i pull off like big sheets of paper towels, usually like two that are like four blocks.
And I lay one up near the top by the faucet and the other one layered on top of it.
And then I trim all of it on top of the paper towels.
And then I carefully fold the paper towels on top of each other and throw those away.
So I don't get any hair anywhere.
That's intensive.
Yeah.
I think this is a tiny problem.
Can I go first? because i think you've
got the ultimate thing i just shave over the sink turn the sink on and splash it around until it
goes down the drain it clogs up yeah it's it's it's everywhere there's so much like like i don't
have as much facial hair as this man by a long shot but he doesn't take all his off every week
either so we may have a similar amount of mess on the sink if he's just trimming i cover the whole
fucking thing up with these coarse bristly hairs and no matter how you run the water and the water
like pushes the hairs further away from the hole and then they get dry and i'm like motherfucker
you said i don't have hydrophobic beard hair so i have to like i have to get like a scrubber out
and like clean the whole sink and i'm like no down the hole down my my beard hair get like a scrubber out and like clean the whole sink. And I'm like, no, down the hole. My,
my beard hair is like a spider that doesn't want to die.
So what I do is I get into the shower.
I just step into the shower and do the whole thing.
Like,
like as much as I can blind a mirror in there would be perfect.
I don't have one.
I just do the whole thing blind.
And then I just wash it down the fucking shower drain.
Cause I used to ruin my sink.
And I would,
if a girl was coming over, I'd be like, the bathroom fuck there's hair stuck to toothpaste stuck to fucking
yeah fucking like all sorts of weird shit like it's time to clean the bathroom i don't think
i have this problem it washes down the drain easily to me uh-uh it i can't even hit the
sink with most of it like like it's hitting when i'm when i'm like shaving it's hitting an area like
this big like maybe i'm unaware of the hairs on the floor and stuff like that and i'm like oh it
looks great to my standards so many hairs like when i when i trim my neck and my beard up like
i sometimes i'll make the mistake of doing it shirtless because i'm always about to shower
and i have a hairy chest as well and so all the hair i'm trimming on my face
goes into my chest hair and then unless i spend like five straight minutes in the shower just
like letting the water run off my chest like rubbing it there have been times like i'm you
know having to run to a meeting or something and i don't remember to soap up my chest really good
i just do a quick once over and then like i go sitting in a meeting go to the bathroom or
something and i'm like why am I so fucking itchy?
And I like can put my hand down there and like grab a tuft of chest hair and it looks like I've got like alopecia, like I'm pulling it out in real time.
There's so much on there.
Yeah, I'm glad the paper towel approach.
Very good.
Very clean.
Keeps it organized.
That's one thing I can't compete with and I never will is that body hair. It's not a competition you want to win.
Well, I'm thinking if the world ever got a little bit colder,
you'd have a good foothold.
That's true.
They always talk about global cooling.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you can't have one without the other.
We're going to yo-yo back and forth.
I think all that shit's made up anyway.
I don't think we're going to.
You know recycling? I watched the whole 30- 30 minute youtube video so now i know about recycling uh recycling is a fucking scam
i might have but i think what i learned was that plastic recycling is a scam
glass and metal and some other things are pretty good that plastic recycling for like a brief
period in time made sense maybe petroleum was expensive i'm not sure but um now the bulk of
plastic is trash and can't be recycled so here's what plastic companies did and my years are going
to be up and down five years or something but like in like 1981 they're they were like hey
you guys have to uh if it's recyclable you have to put the recyclable thing on there.
And the public gets behind it, right?
We buy recyclable products.
And that's like 81.
In 88, they come up with a new plastic classification symbol to put on plastics.
It looks identical.
It's the arrows.
It's three arrows pointing into a triangular,
never-ending circle.
And it has nothing to do with recyclability.
It refers to the type of plastic
that this is made out of.
Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Not about recyclability.
Only like 15 or 20% of plastics are recyclable.
The rest lasts 450 fucking years.
In the middle of the sea, killing turtles.
Wherever.
Something like that.
I love those turtles, too.
I've never even seen one in real life.
Who cares?
You ever seen it?
Have you ever seen an owl?
One of those great horned fancy owls that they're always crying.
Snow owl.
You ever seen one?
I've definitely heard them.
And I've seen them at the zoo.
Yeah, at the zoo.
I don't know if I've seen a wild owl i would i don't
give a shit about those fucking owls i mean like a barn owl i've seen barn owls in a while don't
care about those either it was neat to go out west i saw like porcupines oh yeah they are real
aren't they i knew they were real but i hadn't seen one chipmunks there's chipmunks all over
the place like there's squirrels on the east coast armadillos and armadillos die by the side of the road all across the country you know why so their defense
mechanism is obviously to roll up in that ball so they see the car come and they roll up in the
ball when the car passes them they do this little they have this little thing they do where they
bounce so they're like the car goes everywhere oh shit and they bounce and they hit the underside
of the fucking car so like 100 mortality like every other animal i'm sure we've all driven over an animal be like oh close one buddy you
could have been an action movie a rabbit made it armadillos are like punk they can trust themselves
to death on the underside by car they've i don't know if it's global warming or just animal
migration over time but like there did not used to be armadillos in my area of georgia like
call it macon and above and like now there are and that happened in my lifetime like i i i slowly
started experiencing them northern and northern uh in georgia those fucking armadillos they're
not the ones that cut that carry uh the plague are they i think armadillos might or or is it the leprosy
leprosy thank you is it leprosy where you fall apart like that's that's uh that's one of those
diseases as well that i think an animal carries i i know that i've touched porcupines and armadillos
in the wild though foolishly yeah armadillos you're not supposed to touch because they're like
just carriers of every disease but i didn't know about leprosy,
and maybe I'm misremembering or something,
but most people are immune to it.
Like most people don't get leprosy.
I did not know that.
I thought it was like anyone could catch it.
I thought it was like Ebola or something.
Yeah, no, apparently not.
Apparently huge numbers of people just don't get it.
But man, being in a leper colony back in the Bible days,
really any days, horrible life.
No aesthetic enjoyment.
There are modern leper colonies, right?
No, not here.
Where would they be?
Well, certainly not in like San Diego or some shit.
You know, I don't know.
Thailand or something.
They got a leper colony or something.
I mean, we've got those homeless villages. it's not like we're so fancy over here we've got enough homelessness
to go around i really has homelessness increased in your area oh it has in mine yeah yeah there's a
there's an exit four miles from where i live so it's like six miles from my house maybe
and uh i go there pretty frequently i think there's some
sort of unclaimed woods there and they've set up a little camp and by they i mean like 12 people
but homeless was always this like are they even homeless they're there briefly they get chased
off etc now it's like dude if you wanted to find a homeless person you could go to that camp i'm
sure there'll be a bunch right there right now.
I don't think we're going to get the answer to that anytime soon.
It's like the Year of the Shark thing.
I've said this before.
I have a hard time placing my finger on the,
is it just more coverage of homeless or is it actually more homeless?
But I think it's true that there's actually increasing homeless.
I know St. Louis has seen an influx of more.
Like when I go on down to the city from time to time, it's like, oh, well, I mean, it wasn't a nice place before, but it's worse now.
There wasn't like camps before.
Like they have tents.
They have and tents are so colorful.
It's like I can see your tent back there.
It's teal.
And that guy's is red. Like you could buy a green tent, silly head. It's like, I can see your tent back there. It's teal, and that guy's is red.
Buy a green tent, silly head.
It looks like shit, just clashes.
Are you picking on homeless people
for the color of their tent?
Yes.
I mean, they're picking some shit.
You think I picked this out?
You should have gotten a better one.
Lazy Joe died in this last week.
That's how we know.
It's orange, and it smells smells and it's all I have.
I don't know that it's a reef here or not.
I see them, you know, just driving back and forth from here to like midtown.
It's usually when you go into like a weird little turn.
Atlanta has all these little off ramps and on ramps and and and you'll
go through this there's like no way to access this little patch of woods except for if you happen to
be going through this little little ringamaroo thing and there they are and i'm like how do y'all
get out of here because if i got off on foot i'd be scared they're just like out there in this
little it's like a nature preserve for homeless people and And like I said, they've got their laundry drying.
They've got tents.
They've got chairs, like those folding lawn chairs.
They should do guided tours where you're in a golf cart and a resident of Seattle drives you around.
And they go, oh, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
He's doing heroin.
He's doing heroin.
Yeah.
Taylor, you could do a guided tour for the low price of the phone in
your pocket you're not leaving with that your phone your wallet stay but they'll let you look
around yeah no i don't think so then the i wouldn't want to go on a homeless safari actually
i kind of do maybe maybe i need a better price but and then we pay them minimum wage and that way we're a charity right oh we're in charge of this
thing and we it would be a charity and like minimum wage or we could probably pay the
homeless in like natty light or something make it even more sustainable on our end on the payment
side i mean how much is natty light basically what's that what's that cheap mexican beer tecate yeah tecate yeah tecate
that's the good stuff i do i've had that's what i was trying to shotgun that time and i vomited
in that hotel room in front of you that was a cool moment for me i was like wow this guy rocks
you know those tecates are not that great but like with a little lime in there they are good
like i'm not like the biggest fan of those mexican beers but all it takes is a little lime maybe like
a lime squeezed in it and then another little lime slice added pretty good i guess the limes
doing the carry the heavy lifting at that point i like it yeah i like those second a lot it's it's
really the only beer that i would ever order like the lager i think the one in the green bottle um that's the
only beer i actually enjoy and it's got a refreshing beer you'd get lime with lime for sure
yeah i don't like um i've always hated bud light my mom and dad would have like they didn't drink
but there'd be a six pack in the fridge if that makes sense like yeah like at the end of the day they'd have like one beer and i i know every now and then i'd like
sneak one or something like that like oh i'm an adult now not yet nope not yet not an adult yet
all right see bud light i think of is like so easy to drink. Like it tastes like very little.
Miller Lite.
It's super low alcohol, so it's like not heavy or anything.
I thought, no, Bud Light's like four, isn't it?
Could have sworn it was five and a half.
Miller Lite, if I'm going to drink one of those white trash beers,
I'll call them that.
It'd be Miller Lite for sure.
That watery, ice cold, piss Millerer light i could drink a pitcher of
that while eating like hot wings or something no problem those are the lowest calorie ones
like last time my brother came in town he's like he brought some miller lights because that's what
he wanted and like a miller light is like 95 calories something like that which for a full
beer is super low so it might maybe it's the health conscious decision
uh it definitely is i mean that and vodka you know like like if i ever drink alcohol it's vodka
i would never drink like i don't know some fancy scotch that's probably got an extra 30 calories
in it of nastiness yeah i mean i love we've talked about this before with like cigars scotch like i love the idea of being a fancy like scotch cigar guy
who who like classily sits there and enjoys it but every time you try that it's just revealed
like you're not this guy you're never gonna yeah well well i think what here's my guess about what
it's about it's about having enough money to acquire those tastes because you have to have enough money to have 15 shitty cigars until that
16th one tastes good and each one's 85 bucks okay yeah so you gotta have 1400 to blow on
gaining a new expensive hobby that's what you're doing that that's my theory on that the same with
like drinking that mcallen 18 or whatever or anything like that because i've had all that
stuff and i don't care for it.
I don't like any of it.
I mean, a fucking Coca-Cola in a glass bottle is one of the best beverages I've ever had.
I like a nice Diet Pepsi.
Diet Pepsi is so much better than Diet Coke.
Is it?
Kyle's got me thinking about a Coke in a glass bottle.
Something about the glass bottle, too.
It means a lot.
Not plastic.
Mexican.
I want that Mexican glass bottle. Something about the glass bottle too. It means a lot. Not plastic. I want that Mexican
glass bottle
Coke that has the cane sugar and not that new
one that has the cane syrup. YouTube tells me it's the
same now. I don't know. Same now.
It's on YouTube. You gotta have some friends in
Mexico.
They're smuggling it up with cocaine.
Mexican Sprite, I liked
more than Mexican Coke because
Sprite with the real sugar in it is awesome.
It's so good.
I agree.
Sprite, underrated.
I don't know if you have any memories like this.
If you've ever had a time where you didn't have anything to drink or you're working hard and there was hours maybe went by and then finally you got that drink and you remember it.
I remember a day when we were working so hard setting up skeet machines and we were out in this field and it's hot as fuck and just wasn't anything to drink.
And then finally, let's go back up to the cabin.
And they had one of those crushed ice machines.
And my Stacey, my buddy Stacey was like, got a little sacred stuck these in there a little while ago.
And he had two 20 ounce sprites that he had like stuck down in the ice.
And those things were so
cold and delicious.
I think I was 16
when I had that sprite, and I'll never forget it.
It was so tasty.
Kyle will never forget the taste of that sprite.
It was so cold
that it had thickened up the way vodka will.
It was almost syrupy.
It had condensed a bit.
I haven't had a regular Sprite in so long.
I'm going to get a regular Sprite tomorrow.
That sounds great.
I keep one right here to look at.
Whoa!
Is that a real Sprite?
That's not even a place to unscrew and hide drugs?
Wow!
I try not to drink my calories.
Dude, Derek from More Plates, More Dates said something that burned into my head because it's so true. I try not to drink my calories it dude Derek
from more plates more dates said something
that burned into my head because it's so true
when you're in a calorie deficit
now sometimes you're in a huge one but oftentimes
if you're in a maintenance calorie
deficit I'm only like
200 calories down that day
you know that's it and
you do that over the course of a week what is that
you lose a pound every two weeks ish something like that um and that's a casual barely trying calorie deficit cool
you are one nature valley granola bar away from not having a deficit that day you are on the
razor's edge all the time a little bit of weight error a little bit of whatever 140 140 is that for two servings or one like one
one per can per can a can of a can of so so they're different uh sprites actually on the low
end for regular sodas i think at 140 i'm pretty sure that like a cherry coke or something like
that's a 150 maybe mountain dews 160 even mountain dews the worst i know maybe i'm out of date they
used to say there were two servings in a can which is why i asked you to look at it but it says 140 40 per can okay okay i think they fixed that at some point they should fix that
no one was sharing cans yeah i have been hoodwinked by the serving size more times than i'd like to
admit like i can't believe i can eat this whole pizza crust but yeah you're just there like
derrick says you are one nature's valley granola bar away from a deficit.
Like you got to count it all.
Yeah.
And like when I'm counting those calories, like you talk about this, sometimes I'll be
comparing three or four pizza crust because I want pizza because I haven't had anything
even approaching pizza in so long.
So you got to do some math.
You got to like divide the grams by the fucking calories because they're all different serving
sizes.
And you'll be like, oh ah i can't believe it the cheap one is way better than this expensive egg crust that i was about to buy i think i got fatter since
my leg i just lowered my what is it called bmr your basic metabolic rate yeah yeah i just don't
walk as many steps or move as much as I did when my legs worked.
And I think I gained a little fat.
So I'm trying to keep that in check. That'll come off in no time.
It's not like it was a big lifestyle change of like, wow, Woody's really let himself go.
It's like a few weeks of treating yourself with some almonds.
I don't think you're in a blade situation here.
Oh, is it possible to find that update picture of his foot?
Did you guys see it?
I didn't know there was one.
No.
Yeah.
Here in our discord, they're always like throwing a link to him in there.
Anytime there's an update.
I think I saw a thumbnail, but I thought it was doctored.
I thought I saw a toe with a big hole in it but I had previously been fooled
thinking that
they're like hey look at this
and I was actually from last year
I don't have proof
I didn't see it myself
I just don't keep up with him well enough to know
his current toe situation
it looked rough
and it looked
like I am Mr.
all you gotta do is have some chicken and broccoli and this thing will turn around.
Yeah.
If he were to do that right now, there would always be this hole.
Like I could put my thumb in it. If I recall, like it's you could put a, you know, a pencil.
It's got the eraser than the metal part.
Yeah.
All that would fit in this hole.
Nice.
Oh, so.
So his toe has turned into a pill hider for
dogs. Yes.
Yes, that would work great. Well, hey, if it
falls off, let us know. Yeah, yeah.
Woody's got a stubborn dog.
Blade, hook a brother up.
Now, here's what
I'll say. I'll go ahead and lay this. Wait,
what the fuck?
That image. Why does it say only use me blade foot like what
take that off take it off take it off take it off take it off take it off
why because he didn't read all the fucking print all right okay all right um Okay. All right. Anyway, I wish him the best.
And if it does fall off by some terrible thing that happens,
we at PK would like to purchase the toe.
We would like to keep it in a jar, and then it'll be like the Stanley Cup,
and it'll move from one of us to the other and stay at our desks.
What do you guys think that we'd be willing to pay for the severed toe
of only he's me
wings toe anymore.
This is only he's me blades toe.
A wings toe?
No, no, no. Only he's me blades toe.
Wings toe isn't coming off anytime soon.
Only he's me blades toe.
We're buying it from him?
Yes.
Oh.
I don't know about him, but I would be very
averse to selling my own toe.
There'd be something about that that would be
very invasive.
Wing's toe, as far as we know, is not
about to hit the market. Is this a scenario
where the toe falls off? I would only use me Blade's
toe when it falls off, when it has to be amputated
for medical reasons, and I'm willing
to pay $500
for that toe.
$500?
Okay. Is that low?
It seems... Well, if it's already
falling off, it's useless. It's not even lucky anymore.
Well, counter... I mean,
the bidding is open. You want to get in here and try
to outbid me for this toe? I just feel like there's
someone in the community who thinks
$500 is lowballing it.
We're starting at 500, boys.
Anybody else wants to outbid me 500 bucks
for that rotten toe?
A 510.
525.
Well, fuck.
I should have been like, sold!
Alright, so hit up
Woody.
For your $510.
$510. all right so hit up so hit up what he's five hundred ten dollars
no i i wish him the what the best but uh i just he doesn't seem to be real focused on getting that
uh looked at or anything you know what i mean yeah it doesn't seem like he's interested in it but
it could be that you know a lot of times people won't go to the doctor when they know something's up.
Because it's a confirmation of what you know.
You know what I mean?
Where it's like, oh, if I don't go to the doctor, I won't know anything's wrong, so nothing will be wrong.
Yeah, I could definitely kind of relate to that.
It's scary to go to the doctor, and it's easier to not go.
But, oh my God, go!
When that doctor called and like says oh yeah
it's cancer and i was like all right how soon can we get moving on this he's like oh soon
i'm glad we're on the same page yeah like you know imagine if i'd been some like
procrastinating piece of shit that was afraid of the doctor you know
been some like procrastinating piece of shit that was afraid of the doctor you know yeah then you might have lost more of yeah this most recent one is a picture of the toe kyle what's your judgment
taylor you think we can show that gore uh no i'm grabbing it you you know no let's not show that
woody and i might disagree on how long a man's nails should be, but only use me blades on another planet with that thought.
So here's what I see.
And look, I'm looking at a weird, blurry picture on the internet, but I noticed that a lot of it is white.
And to me, that whiteness, I've only seen that on my own feet when I was in military boots military boots wet walking all day like when my feet got like like
not trench foot but like the first day of trench foot you know what i mean like soggy foot something
about your feet like all the callousy material on his toe pad has absorbed liquid and that's why
it's white and that's what i'm looking at and then like you said that looks necrotic that looks like
his flesh is dying rottingting, and probably smells.
So the fact that he's going to, I'm going to say it's like 50%.
He's going to lose that toe.
That's my medical opinion because I've never seen a hole rot into a digit like that.
My guess is everything that's white is dead and everything in that hole is dead or just dead.
There's no blood flow there.
That's why it's white.
I mean, look at it.
It's just a black hole in the toe.
Like, of course, that's dead.
Who knows how deep it is?
Like if you took a dental tool and started scratching into the center of it.
Like, what's the consistency?
Is it a soup?
Is it like crusty, like scabby stuff?
Or is that like pink skin just under that brown spot?
I don't know.
It's real gross, though.
But you've got to go to the doctor, man.
Well, isn't he limping down the aisle one day soon?
The thing is, going to the doctor doesn't solve it.
Changing your lifestyle solves it.
I think going to a doctor solves it.
I'm listening.
What will the doctor do?
I don't think alcohol is causing that
toe to do that i think like there's an infection in there it looks like he's got an infection oh
see i don't quite understand so diabetes causes that from blood loss right like there's no blood
flow to the extremities am i am i correct in that i think so too taylor's usually good at this
i mean i know that it has like the reason people with diabetes over time like will lose limbs and appendages is because of a circulation issue yeah i think it was
like we've said before like or we've guessed i mean that his diabetes is probably because of the
huge amounts of jaeger are we sure he's the sugariest drink i mean we know no no we don't
we don't know for sure but like these kind of sores, if you look up a diabetic sore online, that's what it looks like.
It's like a slow rotting out of places because there's no blood flow.
Dr. Woody says he's diabetic and he needs a lifestyle change to heal that.
Going to a doctor and having it cleaned out and prepared to heal
won't help at all if he keeps down in the Jaeger.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I think that's,
I think that's very true.
Yeah.
Like Kyle's eye cancer or my nose cancer.
We'll fix it a little bit.
Um,
doctors,
you go in there and you leave without cancer.
Cool.
Then there are other things that you got to fix and that's where blade is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well,
of course he needs a lifestyle change but like
i don't know it's just something i have no experience with like the idea that like
him drinking alcohol is making his toe rot off is crazy is it what's that memphis memphis that's it
memphis needs attention memphis is terrified of that big bully out there.
No, no, no.
She's lording his sandwich right.
So for the rest of the dogs, they're breadless.
This little female dog terrorizes him.
She wants to play and he doesn't like to play.
He wants to lie down and relax.
And she's like, she's like nibbling at his feet.
Like, come on, let's fucking play.
Fucking play.
Come on, bully you, bitch.
And he's like, oh, let let me alone this is sleep abuse yeah they're fucking cute dogs they are um i'm
still considering getting a puppy even if i keep the big boy i don't know i kind of want a whole
bunch of them no go like i mean your father does that he likes a pack of dogs he's down to three
he's down to three now one of them is we did the math the
other day and elizabeth is she was born in 2004 so um and it's 18 18 18 years old uh at least
maybe a little it's a it's either 2004 or 2003 so that dog's made it that far on the farm i thought
they typically ran through a ventilation fan
or got stepped on by a cow
or something. All those things have happened, yes.
But
she has not. She's
the last of her litter to survive. I remember
her dad and mother, Fred and
Trixie. I remember them very well back
in the day. They had a whole litter of puppies and those
puppies were, you know, our
dogs for over a decade.
She sits in her chair
now, eats her snacks.
She's deaf almost, blind almost.
She sits on a comfy
tuffet on a comfy chair.
She made a lifetime of good decisions
in a dangerous environment.
Pretty bright.
She's a happy inside dog over in Dad's
living room. I guarantee right now she's sitting on that like waiting on dad to give her some bologna that's a good dog life
right there actually i wouldn't mind that are you looking at the you said a maltese or a bichon
a little bit when you were looking at puppies yeah i like those uh those like white faggy dogs
like you have but yeah, I love them too.
A Bichon Frise.
I had a Bichon named Tobo.
He was great growing up.
But at the same time, that Labradoodle looks cool to me.
I see there's a Labradoodle, not on TikTok,
but I saw it on YouTube Shorts.
This guy has an enormous one.
It's like, I thought he starts when it's a puppy
and then the music's playing.
It's like, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun's playing it's like and then it skips forward now he's this big fucking dog and he's like
the guy's still happy he's like and the dog gets bigger again and it's like oh no
what is that like he's got like 130 pound labradoodle that is the bane of his existence with his
weekly haircuts
and shit like that.
I want one of those labradoodles. They're so fucking cute.
They should make a corgadoodle or something.
They do.
I said this the other day. If you're a poodle
in the dog breeding business, you're getting
fucking all kinds of pussy. They're flying
it in for you. All kinds of exotic tail get you some strange getting you some strange foreign
pussy if you're a male poodle because they're wanting to like get you some caca caca something
pussy and some like like everything they'll breed poodles to everything there was a great dane and
a poodle mix the other day um like all the big dogs the little dogs they don't care they'll let
a poodle fuck them yeah there's a big market for hypoallergenic dogs so they're just like
easy peasy let the let the poodle fuck this kind let's see what we get
yeah well it's ugly but it doesn't make you sneeze
yeah yeah the uh the golden retriever mixed with the uh the poodle makes a golden doodle
and those things that's what i was looking at that cute fuzzy faced motherfucker that's like 850 dog um but there's some really
expensive ones on there 850 is cheap i would say that the initial cost of the dog is a pretty small
part of the price of owning a dog and i'm not super sensitive to it now i know if the dog is
three grand that's a lot yeah But if you get a free dog,
look, you're
probably going to spend $800 right away.
I did.
For example,
Kyle's dog. I forget.
But I walked into that.
I could have gotten...
I intentionally got a fixer-upper dog. I got him because he's a fixer-upper dog.
I got him because he's a fixer-upper.
I can save him.
I can change him.
No, there were some dogs with emotional problems,
and I didn't want to be part of their little issue.
There was two or three of them that were trying to get me
as I walked past their cage.
Yeah, don't get them then.
They're damaged goods.
And then there's one that just laid there and wouldn't even
look at me, all pitiful. It's super
sad up there. When I went to take him back
and return him,
on the paperwork, it's like,
just so you know, this is a kill
shelter. We will kill him.
And I was just like, fuck!
I didn't know that! Shit!
And we just had to leave. I didn't know that. Shit. And we just had to leave.
I didn't know they threatened you at the pound.
They threaten you when you turn them in, yeah.
You should have called their bluff and been like, can I do it?
It's like, sir, you need to drop out of high school for this.
Well, let me see your GED.
This looks legit.
Get the hell out of here.
Felon is ye.
I've got a diploma, but I am a felon.
Why didn't you say so?
Step right up.
Step right up.
Here's your stick.
Now, everybody there was like yeah my wampum stick you
just club them to death back there like baby seals i want the pelts see they throw they uh
they throw them all into this big communal um doggy incinerator afterwards she's sleeping on
my feet now and uh but but i always wondered why they don't do anything with the pelts
yeah they should they should. Yeah, they should.
They should donate that.
No, they should make big blankets out of them.
I'd like a blanket made out of the pelts of many dogs.
And you put the new dogs under it.
I mean, they can hop in bed.
That's a given, but I want the dog blanket.
Kind of a Cruella de Vil type situation.
What do you mean that they're mass cremating the dogs?
Oh, they just throw them all into a giant...
It's not a schedule? It's like Tuesday kill day
and they just knock them all out?
Well, you know, they don't want to
time them, is what I'm saying. They just
throw them all in there and they burn them all.
It's pretty disrespectful.
Well, if you're taking your
pet up there, they put your little guy
in there, personally incinerate him, and then give you the ashes back.
I don't think I want my dog's ashes.
I don't personally.
So here's another thing they'll do.
They'll take the ashes, and they'll turn them into a gem or something or a paw print.
You can get shit like that done.
or something or a paw print you can get shit like that done uh and i i had i'll tell the story quickly but i had an ex-girlfriend and she had adopted a cat from the fur kids big thing here
atlanta i don't know if they're nationwide that's where you go get your pet it's premier agency
they do check up on you big time though they don't give pets to just anybody she got in this little
cat cat got the zoomies ran into a fucking, broke its own goddamn neck and dropped dead.
This girl is heartbroken.
She just watched her best little buddy kill himself in the living room doing something he'd done a thousand times.
Shocker.
Heartbreaker.
She cremates him.
Earn on the mantle.
Little picture next to it.
Crying for weeks.
Finally, she's over it.
It's time to replace this little guy.
So she goes back to the fur kids. Yeah,
I'm ready for a new one. They're like, oh,
okay, so what happened to Bonzo?
We see you got him like six months ago.
And she's like, oh, Bonzo
got the zoomies. And he ran
into a door and broke his neck. And they're like,
man, if you don't tell us the truth about
what happened to that cat, we're not going to give you another
cat. And she's like, what are you talking about?
He got the zoomies.
All right, you're on the list.
No cats for you.
They refused to give her another cat.
They did not believe her bullshit story about him getting the zoomies
and breaking his neck, which is 100% true.
It's just a fluke.
It happens.
Weird shit happens.
Sometimes cats kill themselves.
I've never seen it, never heard of it.
I've seen cats bonk their heads a million times,
but this time, right angle or bad cat neck or something,
drop fucking dead.
Aneurysm, who knows?
I don't know.
But they won't give her another fucking cat,
and I thought that was the saddest thing I'd ever heard.
That is, well, I mean, drive 15 minutes,
there's a thousand cats.
Do they have a network where they're like,
at this very second, every pound is passing along the message.
Don't let Trixie get another cat.
I bet she got another one.
I'm sure she got another cat.
If it happens again, I don't believe her.
Yeah, she definitely took my girlfriend's side in the breakup, so who cares?
The cat did?
I bet she killed that fucking cat.
No, but my girlfriend's friend.
Yeah, I don't know know i like these dogs um this one's laying on my feet right now just like here we go and i've got foot pedals down there so i'm real
worried she's gonna start typing i've been using the foot pedals for like every game i play it's
pretty awesome yeah i am i used them in escape from tarkov i get forget what form maybe leaning
or something i lean yeah yeah yeah i lean with all our cars still
playing a shit ton oh no i haven't put no i i'm all burnt out on that like weeks and weeks and
weeks ago uh i haven't been playing anything really uh i saw that fucking dark tide got pushed
to november 30th yeah and and then um cod is like i it down somewhere, but it's like next month at the end of the month.
So we'll be able to play that new, the BR.
So it's September 1st.
What's the end of next month?
Do you mean the end of this month maybe?
I think I do.
Or maybe it was October 28th or something like that.
That sounds closer.
I don't have it written down here.
But the sad one was, and I know you guys don't play it,
but I play The Forest a lot.
And the sequel to that, the long-awaited sequel that's supposed to actually be a full game and not just
buggy as shit was supposed to come out this fall but it just got pushed again to like february 23rd
somewhere in something like that so this fall of video game releases that i was excited for
is kind of falling apart yeah 28th for cod that's good i'm hoping cod's good because i want to play that uh battle royale mode um i'm hoping cod's good because i like it to exist you know i don't
want cod to go the way of fuck what's it middle of honor yeah perfect that's a great example you
know i just want i'm not looking for cod to dominate the gaming scene like it did in 2012
but exist you know don't i don't remember which one it was but the
one where like you could play as a robot with a jet pack and run on walls it was probably almost
like eight nine years ago now warfare or something like that that was horrible so bad the last one i
had a blast with was whatever one you could do one man army noob tubes modern warfare 2 modern
warfare 2 that's the last no modern warfare 3 was a bunch of fun army noob tubes modern warfare 2 modern warfare 2 that's a lot no modern
warfare 3 was a bunch of fun too but i think modern warfare 2 is like i have rose colored
glasses because that was the one that like during the youtube heyday everyone was playing so much
and collabing on videos and doing stuff like that it was just fun so for me personally i think black
ops 2 is where it peaked uh a lot of people like Modern Warfare 2.
I couldn't forget.
I didn't cheat in that game.
So the Rust lobbies for ranking up and the care package glitch,
that dominated that game for me for so long.
It ruined that game for the heart of its life.
I don't know how people forget
those months and it was like seven to nine months for that thing to get fixed you just had to join
them once you joined them you're like oh you know you're gonna one man army noob to me well no i'm
doing it everybody has fond memories of the game i never have i've never had a good time i've always
thought that modern warfare 2 was a real bad game like like it was a game full of unbalanced things and cheat they never did anything about the cheaters that i was
watching a tarkov cheater interview and he's like oh we started cheating back in modern warfare 2
were you ever banned in modern warfare no no one was there were thousands of us and it's like just
imagine how many times you're just like killed by a cheater in that game you didn't know how much
more fun it could have been if it wasn't full of cheaters you didn't even know about.
Care packages would just rain all
game long.
It was broken. It was a shit tier game. If it was
any other time or any other game, we'd have been
like, why would I play that?
Can I get a refund? And just moved on.
But it was COD.
A lot of people had fun in the
Rust Domination lobbies. I think they'd play
18 people in the smallest map in the game?
And if you're good,
then you can get a lot of points.
You get a hundred,
a hundred kill games and you'd rank up quickly.
But for me,
like trying to get footage,
it's like,
ah,
you just ruined my stats.
And you made me like leave a game that I was like,
I'm now in a cheating lobby without it being my fault yeah that kind of
shit sucked yeah I I mean and and that's a good example of like what the game was broken the the
they had their own lobbies yeah you know it it was it was ridiculous that everybody has and when
people talk about rust you know the map rust on that is like this classic thing i don't get it i'm like really well really you have fond memories of that of the map
rust what's your fondest memory map ever shipment i mean it might be shipment um but but it's but
it's more than likely like something like um not bog uh bog or um overgrown somewhere like that
one of those yeah one of those cod format Yeah, one of those COD4 maps.
Backlot, one of those COD4 maps that you just
played over and over and over.
Any of them, really.
It's probably a COD4 map.
Even Showdown.
I liked all those maps in COD4.
They only had two or three bad ones.
I didn't like Showdown as much.
There was no variety to it.
Every side of the map looks the same.
I played Search. I played Search on it a lot. I had some good nade spots. it all there was no variety to it every side of the map looks the same it's just like search
boring i played search on it a lot and i could i had some good name spots so i like and i like
the tactical thing of for sure i like search on that map because it's like it's very symmetrical
so it seems like a fair search map as far as a verticality and stuff like i never i like never
played search but i even knew enough where like if i was on the good side of overgrown it's like oh we're gonna fuck them up like they're gonna run uphill like and we just
get to shoot downhill yeah i'm not thinking of overgrown different one but no um cod 4 was a
blast yeah i just don't have fond memories of modern warfare 2 at all or modern warfare 3 i
hated modern warfare 3 i thought it was garbage they got rid of the kill streaks and it was all
about score streaks then, and
if you were Syndicate, I'm sure you can
go on a 30 killstreak and get everything unlocked.
You do it regularly, but I was just like,
I can't even play this game.
I can't even play this game.
This is nothing like a
game I've ever played before. This is so crazy
fast-paced. Everybody's just jetting around
the corner with MP7s.
It was way too fast-paced for me. I didn't like it at all
I who is black ops was better for me
There was a youtuber who was really really good at the game and he was European brown-haired guy
Do you remember who I'm thinking of?
Shocks I forget, right I never let the secret out but he used to get the footage for another youtuber
There was a youtuber at a reputation being really good, but he used to get the footage for another YouTuber. There was a YouTuber at a reputation
of being really good, but he mostly just commentated
over someone else's gameplay.
And
yeah,
it was crazy.
That's helpful.
I made hundreds of thousands off of
gameplay that wasn't his.
Are you just learning this, Taylor?
I did not know that.
That's pretty funny oh what a bombshell
that's funny though i did not i'm sure he paid for it he did yeah he he subcontracted the playing
of the game to a outstanding player and uh and just you know commentating on top of it yeah it's
so smart i mean you know it. Yeah, it's so smart.
It's smart, but it's a little crooked.
He even found one that would keep his mouth shut.
Good for him. Yeah, he did find one.
Well, not completely shut, because I know.
God damn it, now I know.
And I'm going to the press.
There's not many secrets that I keep,
but this is the one, apparently.
This is the one.
He DM'd me on Twitter the other day.
This is so my stakes.
The guy we're talking about?
Yeah, like five days ago.
I never log into Twitter, but I pulled it up to watch a Twitter video,
and I saw I had a DM from him, and I looked at it.
It wasn't anything too relevant.
Just, hey, how you doing?
Blah, blah, blah.
One of those things.
Hope he's doing well.
Yeah.
That's great, though um that's great though that
he subcontracted out is i remember when hutch was uh when everybody's freaking out about the
geometry wars and i paid like a world champion to fucking put me on the top of the leaderboard
i love imagining how much time hutch spent trying to break this like world champion Geometry Wars player score.
How much did you pay for? Because I remember
having you and Hutch
and everyone on my friends list
when that was going on and you could see
the scoreboard of all your friends.
I remember just trying to get a respectable score
and then just one day logging on and
seeing you tripling up
like Hutch, who was like the best at
it of everyone doing not anymore now he wasn't even sniffing the best no and uh i can't remember
i don't think i paid that guy but what i did have to do but because i needed on my account right
so i mailed him my xbox wait that's how you did it he didn't just log in remotely with
your password i was like i was like no you just got to plug in my fucking xbox and play and then
mail my xbox back and it's all done i don't want to give him all my credentials and everything
so i just give him an xbox or what two hundred dollars my credentials are everything so i give
him an xbox and he sends it right back i love how you immediately retired from geometry
you're like you know i've done what i came out to do i'm done
it's not even fun anymore i remember i was like kyle hutch keeps hitting me up he wants to talk
to you and he's like ah just let it go just let it go like kyle knew what it was about
but he was pretending he didn't know why hutch wanted him and he was pretending now at the time hutch is like
the god of the youtube scene he's a king maker he's like he's the guy and kyle not having time
for him was odd yeah it'd be all right i ain't got time for that shit yeah does mr beast want to talk to me i'm still eating i'm busy i gotta go to the post office
no i love that and i remember i was mad because that guy like
stomped a mud hole in the ass of everyone's score i was like dude you went to three million
i was at 600k before it was quite literally unbelievable
but you couldn't figure out how i'd done it so it did so i was like what do you think i did
no no i want to know i want to know what do you think I did? No, no, no. I want to know. I want to know.
What do you think that I did?
You think I blew somebody in who had them sit down?
You think I just know players somewhere who are, oh, yeah,
my cousin's amazing at Geometry Wars.
It doesn't make sense, dude.
How about you wake up and just imagine that I'm better than you?
Oh, that's a real mind blower.
That could never be.
You got to come up with a conspiracy theory.
Yeah, right.
Meanwhile, he's fucking nail on the head on the money.
Like, I totally predicted it.
Because, like, I remember you'd see people's scores
and it'd be like, damn, Hutch just got from 680,000 to 720,000.
Yeah, incremental.
He just got to 800,000.
And it was like, Kyle just went from 310,000 to 4.1 million
it's like wow it's like it's that's like the second time hitting a golf ball driving at 400
yards straight yeah and being like wow I did not tell him to do that I was I was like just barely
edge him out you know and then they'll come back and
we'll come back and he's just like i think that he's so good that he started killing it and then
he looked down and saw whatever it was three or four million and then you can see when when the
videos doesn't exist anymore probably but when when it ends he's like purposely kills himself
it's like dude you just spent 15 minutes destroying this game,
and then you ran into that red thing to your left?
Like, ugh.
All right.
Oh, that's the other thing.
I needed footage of it, right?
So I mailed him a PVR.
It wasn't good enough to set the record.
I needed video of me breaking the record.
There's a video from 11 years ago that says con artist gets high score for fps kyle slash russia
sam 5000 is the true champion
sam 5000 i remember i don't know scoreboard says fps kyle
fucking scores posted boys you're all behind me there's more than one way to win this game and uh
outsourcing your skill is one of them.
Look, I just went for a free agent over here on my Geometry Wars team.
The fact that you guys all want to play Geometry Wars solo,
that's you nerfing yourself.
You think everyone on the Dallas Cowboys is from Dallas?
We play duos over here, okay?
Duos Geometry Wars.
And if you can get yourself a partner, then you can compete, maybe.
You just hire the best.
No, that was hilarious.
I loved how upset this.
I was like, this is the silliest thing ever to be upset about.
This is great.
It's the silliest thing.
And it was because like, like, like, I think I was annoyed by all the videos that were getting made about it.
And and I don't know why, but I was.
I think because everybody was a trendsetter.
There was all this sort of like he'd play hutch played that splosion man do you remember that or he played bioshock
multiplayer and like like drag everybody along with him like playing his games everybody i guess
like we didn't have any balls or like enough to be like touch that game's fucking lame we're gonna
play battlefield bioshock multiplayer is one of the times i
realized xcal was godly at games that like i knew he was good at cod you could see it i had seen
a thousand hours of him playing call of duty i knew he was good i didn't fully appreciate this
other game he played it seemed like an anime thing with swords where he perfected everything
ninja gaiden or something yeah could be i i just didn't know the game well
enough to a game so hard that i returned that i immediately like oh i can't play this one huh
okay he apparently was like i i just heard that it was impressive that he would like seven combo
all the time or whatever i'm like i'm like all right so apparently that's good but i don't
appreciate it but when he played bioshock multiplayer that was a game where like the better players just
bullied the other ones you know if you're twice as good at me twice as good as me at cod you won't
win 10 to 5 necessarily like i'm gonna get a bunch of kills that maybe i didn't deserve if you're a
hundred times better than me i'll probably still get a kill on you in bioshock like if you're a hundred times better than me i'll probably still get a kill on you in bioshock like if you're better you just really bully that other guy and he was the bully he was the guy who just routinely
crushed everyone at everything and seemed to not be killable yeah there's another layer he's always
had very good movement while being incredibly accurate like he's good at both and he's good
decision making he's good at mastering a new game too he's good on the uptake i mean he was so good at zombies he's good at anything he touches i i
remember playing zombies with him and blame truth and maybe chiz and just being like i am outclassed
by these people i gotta i gotta make sure i don't embarrass myself here because like chiz is so good
at zombies or he was back then way better than than i'll ever be and then blame truth and fucking x cal over
there it was like the way chis plays one of the things chis likes in zombies is rescuing you like
that's the thing that he enjoys in the game so you know you can rack up the most points but he'll have
like 38 what do they call them like the opposite of it down revives yeah they're like 38 revives
in a game and meanwhile it's like the recipient of 26
of them i'm like i'm so glad i didn't lose my guns and all those times and that's the worst
when you're playing zombies and it's like round 31 and you die and it's like guys can i just quit
like it's over for me like i don't know how i'll get my head above water again yeah i uh i love zombies i haven't played in a bit
the new zombies is too easy the new zombies a little too easy i i uh i i got bored with it
because oh i used to play with you yeah i only got into the first map the maps are too big finally
by the time the second map came out i was a little tired of it i didn't really want to play anymore
they waited way too long but the second map's quite good and they introduced a lot of cool shit i don't know
what else to call it like your power weapon is constantly mutating into a new power weapon so
it never gets stale it has multiple like fire modes and stuff like that it's a lot of fun but
i find myself thinking like what would i have to do to lose right now like jesus christ i would
really i think i could walk to the bathroom and come back and be okay like you just you're so find myself thinking like what would i have to do to lose right now like jesus christ i would really
i think i could walk to the bathroom and come back and be okay like you just you're so strong
you've got so many um i call them get out of jail free cards and games like that when you if you
fuck up you're in that corner and you're like oh no i misjudged it this lamp post is my elbow hit
it now i'm stuck here and they're piling in on me you You need a button. You can press that fixes that no matter what.
And in that game,
you got like six of them.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
This is the grenade that makes everybody run away from me.
This is the ability that makes me invisible.
This is the,
um,
the,
the like pheromone that makes them all like,
think I'm a good,
a zombie too.
Oh,
my partner,
he's got one.
He's got all three or four of these too.
And I can,
I can be like,
I can say a word and he'll hit it on a dime and save my life you know it's not like monkey bombs like back in
the hours oh it oh that's the other thing back in the day like you said the monkey bombs you know
oh i got a monkey bomb out of the box i have save it save it now now there's a vending machine
and you just buy more you just keep buying continuous monkey bombs as many as you want
really because you're by the later rounds you've got so much currency and game currency to buy more you just keep buying continuous monkey bombs as many as you want really because you're by the later rounds you've got so much currency and game currency to buy more that doesn't matter
yeah and you can buy kill streaks you can buy chopper gunners you can all that stuff it's just
too it's too easy to play zombies now it used to be that only the good players got up to the higher
rounds and the rest of us were stuck down around i don't know the mid-20s the low 30s something like that yeah they
need to like they went too far because initially they were like oh we're making these maps and
they're just people are just kiting in the same areas like ascension or whatever they're like we
need to get rid of the ability to kite and they did kind of but not really they just made the
maps enormous and like put random-out cars in places.
And it's like, yeah, you can still kite all you want.
It's just now you just do it around an entire enormous map
instead of an isolated area.
If anything, they need to tighten up the map,
make it smaller, and make it harder.
The only thing that gets those zombies off you,
it's the monkey bombs. The only way to get that, hope you get it in the box like higher stakes would be better
and i want it to be harder because i don't want to get to round 35 and be like well i want to quit
because i'm i'm bored yeah like i want to get knocked out at round 31 where it's like oh god
that was insurmountable that was fun all right later yeah you it once you're all set up and you
have your gun and your perks and whatever the fuck else,
I can't even remember because there's ethers and there's lots of things you have that you
can do.
You're cruising.
You're cruising.
It's like, I don't think I can lose.
I've got a magical sword and I've got three get out of jail free cards and I've got my
middies over here when he's got the power weapon just mowing down hordes.
We're not going to die until we're done.
It kind of becomes that.
I want to play a game, but I don't know what I want to play.
I need a new game.
I want to play Vermintide, or I want to play Darktide, but it looks like we're waiting two, three months for that now.
If we even believe it's coming out in November, which, I mean, how confident are we of that?
Not very.
I would imagine given how much it's got pushed back.
I don't know.
You think they're going to miss Christmas?
I hope not. I want to play.
It was supposed to be last fall, and then
it was last spring, and now it's this
fall, and now it's this winter.
So they need to get it fucking done.
So they're totally not going to do it again. They've done it too many
times already. Yeah, they're like 14 months
delayed so far, but
I guess I'll keep waiting.
It's really delayed.
Yeah, I mean, I like that over the whole, yeah,
here's the game, kind of.
Give us five years. I like it over that.
Yeah, I definitely don't want them to release
a terrible game and
make it better later, but
yeah.
Well, if they release shitty shitty games they just never come back
from it or i guess people say that no man's sky is not shitty anymore but like have you heard
anything about it really like remember how that was supposed to be years ago everyone was so excited
and then yeah oh and then it got better later yeah yeah new topic or sure sure what do you got
have you been following the trump news
it's kind of entertaining very much this is still the classified document stuff uh i'm enjoying his
um like changing defenses so so here's the deal he's been charged under the espionage act and
of having documents that he's not supposed to have having to do with like national security
it doesn't matter if they're classified or not so his first defense was you know maybe the fbi
planted those documents there that probably wasn't me and then his defense was well obama has 33
million of these things he's talking about the federal government's national archives that
happens to be in chicago as if obama runs that but he doesn't and uh then his defense after that was hillary did it too
and his defense after that was um i declare oh i had a thought that once they enter mar-a-lago
they're all declassified and um no one's ever heard him say this but that's a thing the president
has the authority to classify things so he says there's a standing rule that these are all now
declassified the problem is the espionage act doesn't pertain to classified so it's not a
defense but he thought it was and then the there's some sort of court filing where he asked to have
a magistrate determine whether or not the fbi was to look at these things. It's too late. They've already looked at them, but whatever.
In doing that, he calls the DOJ to issue a reply and they showed a picture
of all the class... It just caused them to.
Legally speaking, he opened the door to that where it wouldn't have been
open before. His legal team fucked him almost as bad as...
Alex Jones. Alex Jones did. They opened the door to allow them to do been open before his legal team fucked him almost as bad as uh what's his name alex jones alex jones
did they opened the door to allow them to do this can you zoom in on that a lot zach because if you
look at those documents they're covered with like secret classified do not look compartmental
yeah it's like and then i see something like that i'm reading it there's like no
russians on the front like it's outrageous and so they took a picture of all these things and
sort of spread them out and made them look you know just put them all on display and trump
seemingly took great offense to the idea that he had a messy office or left him on the floor like that. So his new defense, which is killing me is like,
what?
Hey,
Hey,
I had them in a box.
All right.
They were in a box.
It was the FBI who spread them out over the floor like that.
You just admitted that you had them like all the other defenses are gone.
Now you're saying,
yes,
absolutely.
I had these documents in my office in a box.
Well, so what, what's they're charging him
dude they're charging him with the ass well they haven't indicted him yet but yeah apparently
he's not supposed to be having these national secrets in mar-a-lago and it violates the
espionage act i don't know what he's doing with these secrets he might just be keeping keepsakes
for all i know but um i don't know
can i just say like like so those boxes there so so what all that is i'm not trying to defend him
at all but it's it said um all those were from boxes marked like 45 office like like the they're
all from the presidential office so somebody came and packed him up took everything out of his
drawers put it in boxes i'm not i'm not absolving him of it being in his house maybe he put it in the boxes
but he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that does anything physical um somebody packed his
shit up for him and put it over there and it's his fault that there's classified stuff in it but
it's it's all using you see like a time magazine that's clearly about him also like amongst the
items so that's that all
right a couple interesting things there one the national archives the department said trump give
us the classified documents he's like we don't have any they're like we know you have them and
which ones you have so he gave over some of them he gave over like 30 of the 150 and then they're
like give us the rest and trump and his attorneys signed and swore that they didn't have any more.
And that is why they went and did the raid and took the rest of them.
So this whole idea that he was cooperating, which he's put out there a bunch, that they didn't have to search his house is bullshit.
Because they already forbid them to go to the places where the documents are.
They already claimed and signed and swore that there were no more documents but there were and the thing about the time magazine
they even took some of his wife's clothes was like this is the carelessness in which he's storing
he had like his wife's personal effects and some magazines just mixed in like these things were in
his desk drawer like national secrets just in the desk drawer of trump's office it's not like they were all in the safe tightly secured away and being protected
they were not defending cared for by the the very nature of the stuff he has
is that we can't know what the stuff he has is i if he's got like the names of cia operatives
behind enemy lines it's like holy fuck you you might need to be
executed dude what were you thinking but if he's got like i don't know the the blueprints for for
like the presidential limo because he would like to brag about what it looks like on the inside
like no no it has a jetpack see but i had had, no, I, I, I,
you don't believe they let me test it.
I do it.
I did it all the time.
Made him replace it.
5 million a pop.
Like he,
it could be some sort of weird,
braggy,
rich guy nonsense that he's got in there.
It could be like,
I bet he thinks it's cool that it says top secret.
I would now,
obviously I wouldn't want to possess anything like that,
but that's a cool folder. I want the folders.
I don't know what's in them or anything.
I don't get any Trump.
Depending on whether you like him or don't like him, he has shared an image of someone saying it's docs related to the destruction of the Iran deal.
Depending on whether you like Trump or not, people are guessing what it could be.
I've heard Trump haters say, you know, it might be the list of CIA operatives in private places behind Russian lines.
That's not insane because the CIA was saying very recently that a lot of our operatives have been exposed.
And it was like right after he left office.
He could be selling spies' names for money to Russia to keep BP tapes.
Wait, I'm still going.
People who love Trump, I saw it on fox news this guy was
defending trump saying hey you know what some things are national secrets like the route that
the presidential limo will take but then a million people saw the route they took and while it's
still classified it's not a very big secret anymore this is the route that it took in the
past and i'm like yeah people are definitely theorizing what's in these documents based on how much they
like trump yeah i i like to picture a salad because i like to imagine it's definitely not
a salad recipe there's no way trump has nothing to do with vegetables i mean it's a mixture of
things because i think it literally was like shit out of his desk you know like like and it might have
been stuff that he'd been hanging on to for a while like the iran deal is something he's harped
on so fucking much like he has these little things that seem to really stick in his craw and the iran
deal was always one of them uh i don't know i still don't think he's making any trouble because
i think it's going to boil down to when they're going to get to this place and he's going to be
like look i was the i am the guy who says whether that is what
you say it is or not. You don't even get to decide that that's classified. I do. I'm the guy.
You know what? It wasn't. I said it back then. You know why you didn't hear it back then? Because
me saying it was classified too. And that's above your pay grade. I feel like he's going to get to
that point somewhere along the way. He was like, well, I was the leader of the free world. And so
I'm able to say this this classified and that's not.
But that's what I did.
So the Espionage Act doesn't require that the document be classified.
It can still be a problem on his really for him.
Yeah.
And there was.
Oh, I think Woody's theory is it's shit.
Trump wanted.
Right.
I heard it was something about Macron's sex life
and he hates that guy.
Zach says it's something about
getting rid of the Iran deal.
He's very proud of that. He loved getting rid of the Iran
deal. I don't think they're random documents.
I think they're some of Trump's favorite shit.
I don't think so. I imagine
a lot of them keep little mementos
and shit of their time in office.
I don't know.
What do you think that blue dress is?
There are rules against that.
It might be unique to Trump to ignore those rules.
Where's that blue dress that Clinton jizzed on?
Where would you guess that is these days?
She should get to keep it.
I mean, come on.
She should get to keep that.
Let her have the dress.
Why didn't she auction it off
that would have been so salacious like when she was selling her book like like she should have
she should have auctioned that bitch off she should have we should get up we should get her
in line oh it sold for a million dollars yeah i was just seeing that but who got it oh yeah who
got the million was if it wasn't monica that sucks. You'd think it would go back to Monica.
It was her dress. It doesn't become
someone else's, right? She
got that cum.
He didn't spontaneously
bust. She earned it.
Where's the stain? I don't see much of a
stain. They needed lock and load.
It'd be worth
two million.
They'd be like, hey, I couldn't even tell this was blue. That's what they'd be worth 2 million they'd be like
I couldn't even tell this was blue
that's what they'd be thinking
oh
Lewinsky didn't realize
the dress was stained at the time she took it out
of her closet in 1997
to potentially wear at a Thanksgiving
gathering when she noticed
the stain she told her confidant Linda Tripp
about it so she told her friend linda
trip about the stain and trip was secretly recording their phone conversations waiting
for the right time to expose the affair that's not a good friend yeah of course it's that's not
a friend at all i was linda trip is a fucking cunt yeah i don't like her one bit throwing
mr clinton under the bus like that uh-huh uh-huh don't like her one bit. Throwing Mr. Clinton under the bus like that. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Don't like it.
Our nation's greatest president.
That's what happened to that 7th Heaven guy, too.
One of the funniest presidents behind Trump.
Remember the 7th Heaven guy?
Reagan, too.
How he got called out for the pedophilia?
Which guy?
He was a pedo? Was he the dad?
Yeah, the dad from 7th Heaven.
Oh, yeah. yeah yes he liked children
he did and i guess during like some marriage counseling that his wife ex-wife later was
secretly recording he like tearfully admitted to some sort of kind of pedophilia in his past
maybe a decade prior and uh she turned that shit into the cops and uh and then you know he doesn't get to act
anymore i guess no he's in jail it was uh last thing i saw him in that i even remember he was
in the office in like the eighth or ninth season of the office he was andy's dad and then uh also
in um that's always in philadelphia he was the fake dad for um dennis. Is this after he got caught or before? Before.
Oh, okay.
Wow, he lost an 11-year-old.
I don't know if I even
can say this, but he made the 11-year-old
touch him. I'll leave out the details.
Yeah, that's why I said pedophilia.
He admitted to some really bad
stuff. What a ghoul.
Ghoul. It's an absolute ghoul. It's a good show, stuff. What a ghoul. Ghoul.
An absolute ghoul.
It's a good show, though. You ever watch 7th Heaven growing up?
Never watched it. I thought it was
a religious show. It is.
And I was like, oh, I was right then.
And I was like, there's no way I'm gonna
spend any of my free time watching something about
God with how much I'm getting this drilled in my head.
I wouldn't say it was about God, but
I'm watching the Cosby show. I'm watching Family Matters. I'm getting this drilled in my head. I wouldn't say it was about God, but... No, I'm watching the Cosby show.
I'm watching Family Matters.
I'm watching Fresh Prince.
I'm watching all the 90s black sitcoms.
That's what I like.
I didn't watch Martin.
Living Single with Queen Latifah.
I didn't watch Martin.
I didn't watch Living Single.
Oh, you didn't watch all the black...
I watched all that shit.
No, I watched all the ones that were available on Nick at Night.
I watched all the colored shows. I liked them that shit. All the ones that were available on Nick at Night. I watched all the colored shows.
I liked them a lot.
I felt a real
kinship with Queen Latifah.
Living single in a 90s
kind of world and I'm glad
I got my girls.
That's in my head forever.
You can't get that out.
It's not even a good show.
It's not even a good show. It's not even a good show.
It's called Living Single.
Uh-huh.
The Queen Latifah.
Yeah.
I've never seen it.
It was the black answer to Friends.
And it was not a good answer.
It wasn't a good show like Friends was.
Yeah, it wasn't a...
I mean, Friends was not...
Friends wasn't good, but it was profitable.
Friends was popular, and Living Single was not.
Same thing with Martin, right?
It went up against Seinfeld.
It was the black answer to Seinfeld.
Can't imagine it's on the same level as Seinfeld.
Unless you're a black...
If you ever watch that OJ show that I recommended with Cuba Gooding Jr.,
there's a really good part where the jury is deliberating,
and there's black jurors and white jurors,
and they're missing their shows.
And they're like, I want to watch Martin.
And they're like, I want to watch Steinfeld.
And they're like, what's a Steinfeld?
Like, they don't know what a Steinfeld is.
Because there's such a racial separation with what they watch.
They're all, they make that real obvious right away.
These are different people.
They're on different wavelengths.
They don't even know what Steinfeld is.
But at the end of the movie, they go, go hey i may like steinfeld and you may like
martin but we're all humans who like 90s comedy who like releasing killers back into the public
so let's find oj's innocent but we're all people who are willing to release this killer to get
home to see more steinfeld and dude i Dude, I highly recommend that show. Anybody who's like out of shows,
if you've never seen The People vs. O.J. Simpson,
it's fucking four stars.
Cuba Gooding Jr., god, he
got me too'd like last year or the year before.
There's video of him fucking touching the women.
God damn it. Why does every actor
have to be such a piece of shit?
But he's real good as O.J. Simpson,
which makes sense.
I mean... Yeah, a lot of the actors are pieces of shit.
Whatever happened with Kevin Spacey or his victims still unfortunately dying.
Well, yeah, yeah. Left and right.
I'm worried that he may have some sort of disease that he's like passed on to
them that it makes them keep falling down staircases and,
and being strangled.
I've got strangle fever.
I don't know what the hell's happening.
It's an STD. That's how they got it.
I saw that. It was real popular.
The clip from a Kevin Spacey movie where he's the teacher
and that really hot student is like,
I would do anything
to get a passing grade. And he
leans in real close and seductive. He's like,
all you've got to do
is one thing for me.
And he leans in and she's like,
she takes a breath as he leans into her
neck ear area. He goes, study.
And then the music
starts playing.
It's just a funny
little TikTok meme thing
and it's like, I'm glad that Kevin Spacey's
getting out there to the young people again
there's lots of people laughing at this
they don't even know that he rapes young men
they don't even know
that girl was safe
she was very safe, I didn't look at the comments
because I'm an actual Kevin Spacey fan
I didn't want to see them do him like that but I knew they were all going to say something like what you just said.
She wasn't in any danger.
I bet she was. Do you see how sinister he was when he made that video
pretending to be Frank Underwood? Roundabout saying,
I will rape whoever I wish.
That was so weird. For those of you that were talking about,
like, not long after he was fired from House of Cards
and many of the accusations that came out,
he made this, like, holiday video
where he's, like, wearing an apron
and, like, preparing a turkey or something.
He might even have a knife.
And he's in character, as Frank Underwood,
telling you that people are, like,
trying to keep us separate but we're not
gonna stand for that we've never been the type of person that would and we never will be you know
some crazy shit like that yeah and i'm and it's like is this the real world is this really
happening it's the same way i felt switching channels a little bit woody i don't know if you've watched um the the lady hulk show no um there's a whole show
about it yeah it's a marvel show so like post credit she's like twerking with her client and
it's just like what is this show urban sent to me earlier it's like this is the post credit scene
from she hulk what the fuck is the mcu doing no no we can't watch it. It's literally MCU content off of their
I think it might be on their Twitter. How is the show?
Why would I watch a show
about a Lady Hulk lawyer?
Sounds retarded. Alright, I got the idea
that you got. I think the idea of a lady lawyer
is ridiculous enough.
Why does she have to?
You're going to make her green now?
Bullshit. A woman reading.
Not on my watch.
Is the actress black?
I can't tell because she's green.
She's white.
Big Hulk ass though.
She could twerk.
This is unreal. She looks terrible yeah that these are the pictures
of the final version just a woman colored green slightly she's wearing wearing like platform shoes
there's a lot of just a tall woman painted green now you're looking a ton of cgi you just can't tell like she's fucking huge i haven't watched the show but i just know no i don't know i'm not gonna watch it yeah i'm not
gonna watch it either i i'm i won't say that i'm done with marvel but i saw a leaked like picture
of their like phase six plans and and i don't give a shit about any of that stuff and and here's what
they're gonna do i i think that they're going to start.
They're going to try to bring back Tony,
the real Tony Stark and the real Captain America at some point with all this
multiverse shit.
And that's going to be the death nail in this thing for me is if they,
if they try to do that,
if death doesn't matter anymore because they're bullshit multiverse nonsense,
I'm just not that into it.
And maybe I'm just like a fucking
asshole and i i like like i don't want to watch anything but like i don't want to watch the lord
of the rings i don't watch game of thrones either i'm mad at them all i know they're not going to
do it i mean lord of the rings i don't want to watch a show where it's just those writers making
stuff up like and it has no ties to the Silmarillion no ties to the world
I for hell sure am not watching a show where writers
make things up
I am not going to
I'm not going to write
I would want them to write it
from the source material
from the Silmarillion, putting those words
on into the story
it always kills me every time
Taylor's like, they didn't buy the rights to the Cimmerillion.
I've never heard of
They didn't. It's very important.
It's very important for backfilling all of
the lore. Next thing you know, the guy's gonna have
one horn instead of two.
It's just not loyal to the
source material. The Cimmerillion?
These things don't matter at all.
It does. It does matter.
It's a cohesive universe.
Just so you know,
the Silmarillion reads like a phone book.
Okay?
It's like that part in the Bible where it's like,
and then Shep begat
Mep who begat Tep who begat
Rep who begat...
You're like, holy fucking shit, dude. How high
were you during this?
Was he on opium or anything when he wrote that shit? the silmarillion is sincerely not a good read because it is a it is a bibliography
obsessed with the world he's created being like and here's another thing about the history of
the elves this and that and this happened and this guy did this which helped trigger this and the
third age and like it oh and also and this happened with the dwarves and this happened
with the history as well and it's just him like building out the history and like how all the lore ties together.
What he wants is something taken from the mind of Tolkien, right?
And what he doesn't want is for someone to be like, oh, I've seen Lord of the Rings before.
Let me tell you my story.
Because that's what's happened with Star Wars right now.
It's kind of.
Thank you.
So true.
They're doing their own thing.
And look, I've never liked Star Wars. I don't understand why Taylor has this thing. star wars right now it's kind of thank you so true they're doing their own thing and look i've
never liked star wars i don't understand why taylor has this thing i i believe that like
and it's not that something i believe is just true there's two coins to this this is fun um um um
there's sci-fi and there's fantasy there are two sides of the same coin right and you seem to not
give a shit about the the uh the sci-fi fan stuff and love the fantasy stuff but what the way i look
at those two things i don't look at it as two sides of a coin i almost look at it as like a
spectrum of light that wraps around right because if you go enough sci-fi it becomes fantasy and you
can you can take uh fantasy enough that it becomes sci-fi okay yeah because if you go deeply enough
then your sci-fi canfi gets explained by fantasy elements,
and your fantasy elements start getting explained by sci-fi elements.
And that's when both genres get so much better, when you start seeing what...
Yeah, I do.
Those talents are wasted on this show.
I know.
I'm not sure you could work your way to the top in Hollywood.
You need to start on top.
You're a high-level ideas guy.
I feel like high-level ideas
guys typically wrote scripts and
worked their way up. We need to skip
that for you.
I try not to have a big head about anything because
then you become a real piece of shit and hard to be
around. But I have thought about writing something
before. Not that I have any idea how to structure
it correctly, but I'd like to put down some of the
ideas that I've had before because
I think occasionally I do.
We're about to get the script for bum fights.
Roscoe
comes in,
back on his back, eyes blowing red.
There's two naked chicks
in the background. More about them later.
That's the way you write it.
That would be important.
I don't know.
I know what I want to see, and I know what's going to disappoint me,
and I almost always get disappointed by content.
That's why, I don't know, I bounce around to so many old shows
and rewatch stuff so much because I always get upset by the new stuff.
I'm rewatching The Expanse right now.
Even though I know it's going to end better than I thought.
I really thought the first season was going to suck
because I believe SyFy produced that
and then Amazon bought it after season two or three
and production stepped up a lot
and also the language restriction was released
and now we're still in ass crack and side boob and stuff.
We're not R-rated, but we're adult rated.
This is like TV 13 or 14 stuff but then
all of a sudden a fucking rail gun bullet comes through the side of a ship and blows a character's
head clean the fuck off his head explodes everybody's shell shocked looking at the blood
shooting out of his like neck hole but it's but we got to get to work because it's being sucked
out into the vacuum of space with all of our air and I was like, oh man, this is a good show. This is
the second episode, third episode of the show. First episode's good too.
They're all good so far. I've got to say, I'm eating them like candy. They're 30 minutes
long. The first season is, maybe they get longer toward the end. I don't remember that.
Expanse is a good show. I'm thinking of it, not to interrupt you, but I'm thinking of it as
for all mankind, season 10.
If you do that, it's real fun.
I'm re-watching Breaking Bad lately,
which is a pretty good re-watch.
I didn't think I would like it
because it's a little slow moving
and I was really on the edge of my seat
as it was coming out.
But the thing is, now that it's released
and I can watch a good three or four episodes a night,
it moves along.
All of a sudden, I'm in season two, and we're having whatever shortage is. I think we might rob a train soon.
I forget when that happens, but that's a good, really good one.
We've already handled Tuco and Crazy 8.
The pacing is better when the show whole show is finished.
You know what you might like to do?
Oh,
you're,
you've seen better call Saul.
You're not like a virgin to that.
Are you?
I've seen the first season or two.
Yeah.
I was just thinking like,
maybe you could just like keep this rolling on into better call Saul.
Cause there's six seasons of that and it's all done now,
I believe.
Yes.
And I've heard it's great.
They're making a big deal of it.
I feel like
i need to go back and like watch i think the first season or two were great actually i did like his
relationship with his brother but somewhere around season two i fell off okay well you have um the
the relationship with his brother didn't end very well and then um i i think i've seen through
season five the last thing i saw this is a real spoiler
but there was a huge gunfight cartels involved and like like big gunfighting things are happening
the relationship with the brother falls off in like the first year or two right like this he
doesn't keep coming around it's gonna get worse okay because it i recall him being pretty defeated
saul wins but it'll get worse. There's more coming.
Saul likes to make sure he wins.
It's a good show. That actor,
his name's escaping me right now. It's kind of a hard
one to say. He was
the second choice for
the office job that Steve Carell got.
He was option
B. If you go back to when
Pam has to get a job in new york at a branch out
there to make pick up a little extra money for when she's going to school there he is bob odenkirk
is that his name yeah yeah there he is as the boss of that and you're like oh this is what the
office would have been like if you know he had gotten the job instead of steve carell nobody's
good as steve carell but still it would have been funny i wish they'd gotten open kirk odin kirk to come in when they had that whole when steve carell left in season
at the end of season seven or the beginning of eight whenever it was i don't recall steve carell
being very successful be successful before the office i know he was on the daily show but the
office where he was kind of discovered as an actor yeah the office gave him a really good base and
then around season two or three he got uh 40 year old virgin and uh and that just really took off did super well along the way
he did stuff like evan almighty i think that was a bomb that was terrible that was that was him
doing the sequel to a jim carrey movie and trying to take over for jim carrey and it didn't work
that was awful but yeah his career really picked up and you can see him like get more physically fit when that happens when his career gets better um steve carell has to get
into shape clearly can you see it happen to michael scott all of a sudden michael scott's
like eating broccoli he's like hmm yeah eat broccoli with a fork and it's like dude michael's
looking good like he's talking about his dinner where he just eats like a bag of steamed broccoli right yeah yeah i didn't notice how fit walter white got during
during that show like he starts off as a yeah he starts off as a pretty chubby embarrassing
looking dad and you go forward a couple seasons and his face gets more chiseled in his body he
lost weight and got fitter that That was the cancer, probably.
That was Bryan Cranston's career
taking off.
For the character, it was probably him losing weight
to look more like a cancer patient.
I think they wanted him to look more badass.
That was my interpretation.
The hat, the Heisenberg
hat, that hat
alone,
goober mode, does not make you look cool, but he pulls it off. The goatee alone like goober mode like does not make you look cool but he pulls it
off with the goatee yeah it balances it all out hats look good people are just hattists like
i don't know i i see a guy pull off a hat and i'm impressed it looks good i i wish we all wore hats
i saw a video today and it was a guy talking about what life was like in the 50s and this is recorded in like the 80s and he's like back then you weren't dressed we well they
told us anyway you weren't all the way dressed if you didn't have a hat so we all wore hats and we
all wore these like our clothes were like this and our shoes we had stage shoes a big hat advertising
conspiracy like two months salary yeah and uh i think you know just a little
hat fedora whatever but yeah now it's like god you the internet shat on that fedora wearing fat
guys so hard they took out an entire clothing item for all men it they should have taken out
the beanie someone needs to shit on the beanie. Beanies look fucking stupid.
Tell people that beanies look dumb.
They're stupid looking.
It's not a good look.
There's a lot of things that I think are lame,
but I would love
to be able to wear a hat. And I don't mean
a goddamn trucker hat. I mean one of those
like, I'll tell you what I mean. I mean the hat
that the detective is wearing in The Expanse.
I like that hat. Zach, will you pull up The Expanse
detective? He's wearing his hat. It's
Thomas Jane, the actor.
I like that hat. I'd like to wear a cowboy hat.
I'd like to wear a cowboy hat too.
Cowboy hat, yeah. But you have to tie in the whole thing.
Like I couldn't walk around in like a t-shirt
and tennis shoes. Get one of those like neck ties.
Yeah, yeah. A bolo tie?
A bolo tie.
A bolo tie. I already have a pickup truck.
I'm kind of there.
I just need some boots and my girl hat, and I'm good to go.
I mean, you can become a hat guy, Kyle.
You don't have to pick a fedora.
Ah, but those are the cool hats.
That hat that I'm talking about from Expanse, if that is a fedora, I don't know my hats.
I don't know anything about fucking hats. But that's a nice hat.
Oh, and Woody's point about the beanies.
It's more just when I see people wearing them in non-winter.
Or it'll be like 68 degrees outside and someone has a beanie on.
Or when it's too big.
That's clearly a fashion choice you made.
But why?
It's 70 degrees out. It's 75 degrees and you you made. But why? Like, why?
It's 70 degrees out.
It's 75 degrees and you're wearing a beanie.
Like, you look retarded. Or indoors.
Yeah.
If it's snowy out and you've got the beanie on and you go indoors, I'm leaving it on because your hair looks like dog shit.
You take the beanie off.
It's all matted.
Unless it's really short. Yeah. Like take the beanie off, it's all matted. It's really short.
In the snow, it's perfect.
I was about to say...
Oh, no, here he is. This is the hat Kyle wants.
Yeah, I don't know why it's green. It was black in the show.
Last night it was, anyway.
Yeah, this is probably a different show.
He's also got this fucking wackadoo
haircut where it's shaved on the sides
but real long on top.
It's kind of greenish,
Kyle. I'm looking at... Oh, it's 100%
green there, but maybe it's my TV.
It made it look black.
You can get that hat in black.
I'll give you that.
I don't want...
It looks green in half of those pictures.
I want all men to wear hats.
I don't want to fucking storm the beach, god damn it.
I'll wear a baseball hat. Let's all wear hats. I don't want to fucking storm the beach, goddammit. I'll wear a baseball
hat. Let's all wear
hats on the show, and
then we can be the hat show.
Oh, different hats, and
we, you know, compare
and contrast. I'm going to get this
men's Stacey Adams wool hat here with
the Homburg hat.
I'm going to go ahead and pick this beauty
up. I don't like that hat very much. Is that what it looks like? Is that the Homburg hat I I'm going to go ahead and pick this beauty up. I don't like that hat very much.
Is that what it looks like?
Is that the Homburg hat I'm looking at, Kyle?
I don't know what that is,
but the more I see him wearing that hat,
the more I fucking hate it.
You're going to look like a dickhead if you wear that hat.
Yeah, I despise that hat that he's wearing.
Yeah, that's terrible.
What are those flat-brimmed ones?
He may have gotten a new hat at some point.
In the episode I just watched, he's hiding a microchip in his hat and it looked like a nice
hat that looks like a shit to your hat now that's when i linked yeah i know that's why i linked it
because i'm gonna get a silly fucking hat for the law this this hat is terrible don't even get that
as a bad joke feather here's this is actually uh Don't actually look up Dudley Doolittle,
but put up a Canadian Mountie hat.
It's a better looking hat than the one you just put up.
And it's unique enough that you can still get cool points
with weird people that hang out at cafes.
Do you need to wear that red whole getup too?
No, no, no.
You just have to have kind of a general outdoorsy...
Let me ask you this.
You know what's the problem with the hat plan? The headset.
I know I can't dress as a police officer here, but could I dress up as a Mountie?
Could I put this uniform on in the U.S.?
Absolutely you could. That's a hot-ass Mountie.
What are the Mounties going to do? Ride on down here and enforce the law? Fuck off.
What is she, a hat model? Is this an actual Mountie?
They must be.
She's got the...
The uniform looks brand new.
But pay attention to the hat.
That's a better looking hat
than what you just put out there,
isn't it?
Oh, that's a retarded hat, dude.
Come on.
That's better than what you just put.
I prefer my hat.
I prefer my hat to that hat.
That's insane.
Look how practical it is.
For what?
For getting the sun out of your eyes when you're looking for
baddies in the
woods in Canada.
Seems like an
unlikely scenario. Oh yeah, they're all
just out there fucking around, I bet.
I mean, for me, I'm not going to be in the mountains of Canada
looking for baddies.
No, but you're not going to be
working on a murder in 1921 either.
Like, you're going to be here.
Yeah.
That hat's from the future, by the way.
That's why I like it.
Eventually it will be cool.
Yeah.
In 200 years, you guys are going to be so wrong.
You'll be one of those like old school cool pictures where they're like,
look at this guy in 2022.
At the time he was roundly mocked. Like you see that guy from like the 1800s wearing the sunglasses're like, look at this guy in 2022. At the time, he was roundly mocked.
You see that guy from the 1800s
wearing the sunglasses and
the nice coat. You're like, holy shit.
Is that a time traveler? Everybody
made fun of that guy.
What a douchebag.
That guy doesn't shave the area
between his lamb chops.
Mutton chops.
I wish we could all wear hats.
That's all.
We can.
We have the power.
But it's not acceptable.
Again, I'm not looking to blaze
any trails here. I could start
wearing a cape.
What do you call it when a king has that
flowing robe behind him that's
ridiculous that you could step on?
I could start wearing one of those.
But I'm not going to look like a psychopath.
It would be so fucking cool.
And warm.
You're talking about hats?
How about a king hat?
The kind with the white fur on the side and the red crown?
A kingly crown.
A kingly crown.
Now that's a way to make sure people avoid you in public.
I feel like my twist on it would be a tiara.
Guys, I found this
cool crown. Woody, that's a tiara. You did
it again. Back off
the ladies clothes, Woody. Well, I refuse
to admit I just wasted $4,200.
Yeah.
I'm going to... We're going gonna hear from the ads real quick because
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alright Taylor what's that thing in the movies when they have like
it's like a bunch of little tubes to get is it a fife that little musical instrument i think it is
a fife yeah like that the um the satyrs or yeah the satyrs play yeah i'm thinking about taking um
all these so they sent me 30 disposable vape cartridges.
They sent us a lot.
I'm thinking about making a fife of them.
I got those too.
Death by Gummies
even hooks me up. I think they gave you guys
more because everybody knows you guys use more.
I feel like I'm not
left out. They gave me this cool coffee cup. I made
sure to have it for the ad read.
And I don't know.
I guess I just like that they hook me up with product all the time.
They do.
I got another coffee cup
today. Wasn't expecting it.
You've got coffee cups before? I definitely not
getting the same level of hookup.
I got my first coffee cup the other day.
I like it a lot. I think it's probably the same one.
It's got a little plastic lid thingy on it.
I was going to use it, but I left it on my
table down there. I forgot.
I remember why I got the coffee cup. When they first
sponsored us, he was like, hey, we're shipping you
all the stuff, but
there was a mistake. We shipped you just a swag
box also. I'm like,
neat. Then I open it up and it's
for a much smaller family like
it's like oh well at least i get the cup and i'll give this to
yeah i'm sure my friend's kids want what they're walking around
do you put money on the gummies onesies for for infants and stuff that's a cool kid i took the i
took the shirt because it was way too small and i cut a slit
uh up the back and then i put it on the dog backwards so he's it says death by gummies
on her back when she's running around i cut mine like a crop top i cut the sleeves off the stringer
now a little nipple peeking out. That's cool, Woody.
I'll wear that on a show next week.
Do you wear it when you skateboard?
Just when I'm slutting around.
I just imagine you in those shorts like Lieutenant Dangle from Reno 911.
Like fucking rollerblading around in the neighborhood.
Yeah, you're close.
Think Daisy Duke.
That's one of the most underrated shows out there.
Reno 911
oh tremendous show so so fucking
funny you don't so many guest stars
you don't hear about it
it has that guy who's the comedian
who plays Terry the like
homosexual rollerblader
who's always like requisitioning
men for favors sexually and they
always have to go get him and he lies about very funny
very great show yeah that's not like when when did that stop coming out i think i'm making new episodes
now i there's a revival of that and it's it's coming out now on yeah yeah yeah uh they made
imagine they're making the show like they used to now it was pretty fucking out there i think
it's the same show oh it was pretty wild pretty wild. There was like crazy incest going on
and all sorts of weird stuff.
One of the characters was dating a cannibal serial killer.
Remember when they walked in,
he had like the dildo stuck to his head like a unicorn.
It's a fun show.
It's a good fun show.
One of my favorite episodes is when the British cop comes over
to see how they do things in Reno,
and they're giving him a hard time about how,
cause he doesn't have a gun or what do you got to whistle back home?
Get him as a pussy.
And then during a traffic stop,
he just goes full police brutality.
The British cop does with a flashlight,
just beating this man mercilessly.
Oh,
you dirty speed.
Get out of the car,
get out of the car,
like drags him out of the car and just beating the shit out criming him and and the cop's like jesus christ that's a nice flashlight
thanks there yeah this is the british guy so he didn't expect him to go hard i need to watch some
more of that did you watch uh he ends up dying in that episode while trying to rob someone the cop
does well he was uh he was like a one-off guy yeah yeah they send his casket
home they're all saluting and shit like that's the end of the episode did you ever watch uh
wonder chosen oh i uh yeah but i don't remember what it was if that makes it was the it was like
kids like going out and like asking like going it was like kids dressed
up in like cute silly innocent looking outfits or like hitler and then going up and like at like
interviewing people around the streets of new york city and like it'd be like a cute little girl
being like excuse me sir when the mob finally comes for you where will you hide and like and
it's like a five-year-old girl and then she'll be like
like a little boy will walk over and be like sir you work on wall street like yeah and he's like
i don't know how you live yourself a rain is coming and then he like turns around and like
walks away and it's like he's just like upsetting people around there they uh they dressed up this
little kid like hitler and had him go around and ask people uncomfortable questions Wonder Shows him was really fucking out there
it was on Adult Swim I believe
and it was very funny
but I don't remember anything about it
I just remember that name distinctly
yeah they had some funny
bit that came out like when I was in high school
but it did not last long
I need something to watch but I don't know what
there's no I never did
see the Tom Cruise movie.
I guess that's going to come out soon enough to rent.
I'll definitely watch that.
Are you really sticking to your guns,
not watching the Game of Thrones,
not going to do that down again?
No, I have no interest.
I have no interest in clicking that button.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I almost wish I did, but I don't.
Yeah, I'm not interested in watching it.
I'm not saying I never will,
especially if it keeps getting good
reviews and people keep saying good
things about it. That's where I am.
It's coming out weekly, right? Yeah.
I have no problem letting him
get a good eight episodes ahead of
me, and if the world's excited about
it, join in. That's what I did with the
original Game of Thrones, and I was happy about it. I watched
the first season was done,
and it was the
like winter is coming meme that brought my attention to it so i'm like oh yeah this show
really is good and then i forget maybe i watched the second season or maybe the second season was
just about to start when i finished the first so it was pretty cool to have that much content to
get kicked off in that's what we started at roughly the same time i think you were first
and uh because maybe you were like you gotta watch and i think i did and
i think it was around that time like late in the second season so we there was just a lot to catch
up with and uh it's easy to fall in love with the show when you can watch it that way yeah binge
watching is great i don't think it's better for the publishers i think they build a little more
steam and get a little longer shelf life, like interest life, I'll say.
The news cycle of like every week being able to focus on a single episode.
Did you see what happened?
You know, Red Wedding is a great example.
Like, that was huge.
I remember memes of like the actors who got killed sitting on the subway looking forlorn going about their day because Cause, cause you know, the, the fucking white,
the,
the,
the kid's dead,
you know,
in the show it was,
it was a big deal.
So I think it's definitely better for the publisher,
but as a fan,
I'm going to wait until it all comes out and watch it.
One big thing.
If I watch it at all,
like,
like if,
if,
if,
if people turn on the show halfway through it,
they're like,
Oh wow.
Did you see this,
that,
and the other?
And I hear flack like,
um,
about it.
I just won't watch it but
right now i have no plans of watching it i just will never say never yeah if a bunch of people
are raving about it and it's a big cultural thing again i'll watch it just to talk about it on here
i'll probably pick it out it's just not higher my priority list you know same i'm breaking bad
in it right now yeah I gotta play Fallout New Vegas
as my next video game.
That'll be my entertainment
once I get going. I bought it.
It was like $13.
It has good DLC.
I'm bragging about a deal.
Taylor, people can't relate to you
when you flex like that, okay?
I know you're on this big
podcast but jesus keep your $13 expenses do you i didn't spring for all the dlcs
i think there might be no i don't even think there are no i got whatever has
they only sell it as like a bundle now it's so old but uh i literally i turned it on and just
got through the part where like you talk to the guy in the beginning
who's like, oh, you took some damage from those guys.
I'm a doctor.
So I need to ask you questions about your personality.
And then you like fill out your special score and everything.
And that's like literally it.
That's all I did.
And then like walked outside to see the world.
And it really looks about,
it's like the graphics are worse
than fallout 4 for sure but not that much worse it's not a huge difference no that's good springs
you're in now that that game is the best story of all the games uh the the decisions you make
matter and they're big deal and you might want charisma in this one because the end of the game
you either need to be a super hardcore motherfucker or have your charisma maxed.
It's one or the other. Your speech, I think it is.
Alright, well, I have no charisma.
I went with one because you said not
to do it. I went with 10 times.
I said that for Fallout 4. You're in New Vegas
now, so it's a different scenario.
Not too late to rebuild your character.
I can just rebuild it. Later on, they're like,
hey, is there anything you want to
change about the basic way
you're exist as a human being you're like yeah everything all right we'll turn some knob everything
i need to do that then no that's my favorite by far yeah do it fun game what was the most fun
playthrough you did like oh i never like a guy or a sneaky guy i never focused on any of that stuff like i don't feel like you
have to in that game that's more of a skyrim thing or really um i just always tried to like
be the good guy and clean up the wasteland was my goal so i was always trying to get rid of
caesar's legion inside with the ncr and uh just kill all of the powder gangers and fiends and
drug dealers and caesar's leg, they're the bad guys?
During the intro scene, I was like, man, those guys look pretty cool.
They have actual slaves that you will meet.
They are hardcore.
They crucify people in mass.
See, I've only seen the outfits.
Yeah, you'll see some crucified bodies pretty soon.
That's like the town right next to yours, crucified.
The town right next to Good crucified the town right next to
to good times or wherever the fuck i woke up is it might might be called prim i'm not exactly sure
but there's a town nearby everybody's crucified there's one guy out there he's like i won the
lottery they made us all draw straws and then he like runs off and i always kill him right then
what kind of life is that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know,
I mean,
he's happy.
He's happy that he got to live,
but I,
you know,
I blow him away anyway.
I'd crucify him in solidarity.
I won't let you crucify.
There are no more polls.
This fucking woke culture.
Yeah.
Good game though.
Crucify.
I think it's because of woke culture.
I don't,
I think that's true. That's true.
It's true.
Later on, you'll be able to crucify folks.
There's this one character that you read his journals,
and he was selling children to the fiends,
and he was burning them alive and raping and torturing them and stuff,
like children.
His name is Cook Cook, the guy that he was selling the children to
because he has a flamethrower and he likes to cook children.
Nice guy.
I think something driver because he named himself Nelly Driver or something.
He kills people with a fucking driver, fucking golf club.
There's a lot of shitheads in that game.
It's fun to go through and kill them all because they need it.
That sounds like a fun way to play,
being like a justice bringing wheel gun shooting
cowboy yeah pretty much that's what i try to do um and uh there's a lot of dlc for that game so
it's a lot of fun i i've spent a lot of time in that stupid mojave desert fighting cazadors and
exploring um vaults there's one vault where they're using some sort of chemical to like
they wanted to make the whole earth a garden
or maybe it's for agriculture. It doesn't matter.
But when they spilled it in their
fucking vault or whatever, it's just an
overgrown green jungle as
you're going through there. And there are monsters
that camouflage themselves so well
that you'll be right next to it and then
it'll jump on your face. You're like, fuck, it was there
the whole time. You genuinely can't see them.'re like almost invisible i spam vats or i did in fallout
four just it won't work that's all the time i don't think it works on them when they're
camouflaged but it's been a couple years since i've played yeah yeah i like that it helps you
with minds because i was walking into a lot of minds in the beginning when I started Fallout 4.
But you're right. That game, I lost interest in it.
Just kind of checked out.
Oh, neat. That's the end of the story.
And I don't... When I finish a Skyrim
storyline, I'm like, oh, there's
a hundred other robust storylines to go
do. With this, I was like, oh,
I don't care.
I saw the big robot do its thing like this is there's
there's twice when you look at the um the way the speech patterns work like you only you might have
three or four in fallout 4 but they all do the same thing you're going to the same place if you
could see there's a program that lets you to uh do game development and they have this this speech
box where it shows how that algorithm works like oh he says this you have these three options each and everything branches
every possible reply and in fallout 4 it's a very narrow branch that leads to the same fucking place
it doesn't matter what you do in new vegas it matters what you do your decisions are going to
matter a lot and people are going to treat you differently and like the game will change based
on that sounds like more questions that you ask i did not like in four how like the continuity of
the conversations like he'd be talking to maxi the head of the brotherhood or whatever and he's like
did you say anything about this to the institute and you're like yeah i talked to my son who's my
dad or whatever and then it's like and then he's like, go fuck yourself.
How am I to believe you're not a traitor?
And then the conversation goes next and you go, okay.
And then he's like, anyway, wonderful job on the last mission.
Here's your next task.
Make us proud as always, soldier.
Chest salute.
And it's like, you were just ripping into me, man,
and you just forgot all about it.
I also, I tried to kill that fucking cunt doctor
who's asking for technical documents
on the Prydwen or whatever.
You can't even give him documents
without him giving you guff.
I show up and I go, technical documents.
And he's like, oh, these are pretty nice.
Not as good as they could be be sure to
check everywhere in the whole world for
documents and I'll give you 20 caps
a piece and I killed him
and then everyone on the
got so upset about it so I had to
reload to save
yeah it's hard to kill them all they're in the
ship and they got lasers and stuff
killing the railroad I enjoyed that you killed the railroad those are the good guys
no i no i'm pretty sure they're terrorists definitely the good guys uh no definitely
terrorists i helped the brotherhood helped the brotherhood win because i was talking to that
fucking weirdo with the plants at the institute where I'm like well I'm gonna join my son's team that seems nice and I'm talking to that guy and he's like I can't wait to
turn the whole world into robots we build robot gorillas and living things are inferior we need
robots everywhere and I'm like that's when you change your mind yeah and then also it's like
I'm like you know I've killed hundreds of your robots in my short time here.
And he's like, well, the railroad is corrupting them.
And it's like, no, I mean, come on.
You guys are both culpable here.
The only side I'm taking is the side that's like,
there's no room for hyper intelligent robots manipulating human societies,
infiltrating them and killing them eventually.
And I'm like, yeah, this guy seems cool.
And he's got a robot. And he's
got the cool flying machine. The robot,
if I'm being honest, was the biggest
reason. Because I spent so long building the
fucking robot. I told you the robot was cool.
When it was like joining the Institute,
I was like, oh, so I just
built a robot for nothing if I do this?
Fuck you. No, I'm marching
into battle with the robot.
I didn't like how they gave the robot nukes, because was like god come like we're already up shit creek here like quit it with the
nukes machine gun maybe yeah machine gun i didn't like maybe i want to laser eyes they did he did
do laser eyes yeah oh cool when he blew into the the institute area but yeah the the ending you're
right it was kind of like oh well that doesn't make sense like like oh well this is stupid like no they're the bethesda's a real shitty shitty company i mean
look no further than skyrim right like how many how it's what is it 10 12 years like like they
just don't make games i guess i don't know what the deal is yeah and they just never fix glitches
like you if you look up like i tried to talk to the mayor of Falkreath about the mission to destroy the Assassin's Guild, whatever. And then like, you'll find like, you'll have a problem and you'll look up online and there are Reddit forums from 2011 being like, yeah, really annoying. Can't wait for the patch. It's like, 12 years later,
nope.
Y'all ball griff still doing his own thing in his back
garden half the time.
Not even waiting for your instructions.
I would love to get another game like
Skyrim. If they
don't support their game, it's really
frustrating. That's one of the things
like love them or hate them. Those guys at Tarkov
are always working on things. Tom tom selig is our next guest you guys are joking that's that's
oh hello there i love that i got the call they're like yeah you want to come through
hop on the podcast i'm like all right it's got to be done. And I come and you guys are like, yeah, Tarkov. So anyways, about that.
We were
talking about Skyrim.
Where are you right now, Harley? I want to know.
You look like you're a peer.
Yeah, this is Halifax.
Nova Scotia.
It's in Canada.
Yeah, it's a port city.
So this is where we get our Coke.
Nice.
What are the primary exports?
The primary exports?
What are the primary exports here?
Lobster.
Lobster.
Lobster.
Damn.
Now we're learning.
Anyways, back to Skyrim so if you collect
what brings you to Nova Scotia to Halifax
are you on vacation or are you working
yeah a mix of both
do you guys know
well it was vacation so you guys hit me up
I'm kidding
do you guys know Baby No Money
no I don't know who that is
just as a lifestyle
Baby No Money he No, I don't know who that is. Just as a lifestyle.
Baby No Money.
He's like a rapper.
Maybe you heard a couple songs because they were like really popular TikTok noises to the point that even if you don't go on TikTok,
you may have heard his songs.
He has like a song with Diplo.
But anyways, Buddy and I puts these music events on here
and he's performing
and I'm just like, I'm
hosting it. So I don't know.
I guess I go up on stage and I'm like,
how sick was I in
2013?
When you guys were
in late grade school
like that i assume the audience is going to be people that were like yeah jake paul was
pretty sick but like i've outgrown him like last year so i assume like that's what the audience
will be like but i'm into the epic mealtime guy now. Now that he's matured a bit.
They're like, oh, it's that guy that boxed another guy that was way smaller than him.
Not impressed.
No, you played that guy.
I'm sure you saw Sam's fight.
Yeah, I did.
I loved it.
That was how I nominated that guy.
I actually thought that the press conference and everything,
which I felt like I did such a good job of.
And then I watched Sam do it and I'm like, I was crying laughing.
I was actually cry laughing.
Like my family, like I was like on vacation with them.
And after that, like literally a hundred times a day,
I'd walk up to my dad, grab the back of his neck.
And I'd be like, I told you once, I told you twice.
I literally did this this all week long.
Everyone around me is sick of it. They're so sick of it.
He
was so good.
He just
dominated, did exactly what he had to do.
It was great. I loved
it. Who ran the card that he was on?
Was it...
KSI?
KSI, that was the KSI card.
But it looked like it was a collaboration
with Happy Punch,
which was Keemstar and Fousey.
Uh-huh.
That's what it looked like.
That was a card that I had got offered
$150K to be on and uh yeah which was really crazy
uh crazy that i declined it uh because i was like 250k which is true that's the price the
price is 250k unless you're the doc then i'll box for. You'll fuck him up for free.
Let's give the boys... What do you mean?
I offered to box him. He ducked
me, so I took his mustache.
That's literally how it got here.
Mine now.
You want it?
Come take it.
It looks better on you. It's fuller.
It's been working out pretty well for me.
Yeah.
It's been working out pretty well for me.
He's ducking you.
He's going to film you in a bathroom.
That's the only thing I know about that guy.
He got in trouble for filming in a bathroom once.
That's the only thing I know.
It's crazy to me that he got banned from Twitch
and the secret's still a secret.
Doctor knows,
and they haven't told anyone.
I find that so weird.
I'm like, bro, Twitch,
you're Amazon. Just tell us
your beef with this guy. We're all curious.
We would have been over it already.
Or maybe
we would at the same time.
I think that's a clue. Maybe it happened
on Discord, but that's
totally just Woody talking out of his ass. He doesn't know anything.
I've heard so many
different things.
And from people who are, like, credible also.
That I just got to the point where I'm like, you know what?
I don't fucking care.
Just let me know when he wants to box me.
And, like, you know what?
At first, also, I was just kind of like, I was like, oh, bro.
Put me in the fucking ring.
Let the doc kick my ass.
I just want to get fucked up by the doc.
I want to get manhandled by a man bigger than me.
And then he ducked, and now I'm like, no.
And now I want to punish him forever,
making me think those thoughts that he would manhandle me.
Of course he would.
You know?
Now I'm flipped.
And also, like, the last fight I was, I watched, what's his name?
I am Thompson.
I thought he was like on the same skill level as Aaron from Game Grumps.
Like, I don't think he was a good boxer at all.
Okay.
Like, I don't think he was trained well.
So I was like, oh, Sam, I think Sam should have fucked him up in half of one round.
I think that's what should have happened.
But it didn't.
And I'm like, that's weird.
Because when I sparred Sam in Rhode Island,
I feel like he went off way harder on me than he did in the actual thing.
And I'm like, why?
Oh, yeah.
Because I'm Jewish.
Because I'm a Jew.
So he really hit me real hard.
When I was
watching Sam... I love that I'm joking
around, but you're like, you know what?
You might be onto something.
How big is he?
I don't know. Is he your size?
Yeah, Sam's my height.
Sam did the old
like, I'm 6'4", and I got there
and I'm like, no, you're like 6'5", 6'6", bro.
You went down an inch, you know, which is the good move.
That's like, yeah, over-deliver.
You know, it's real shitty if you do that.
I can't remember what I saw it in, but, like, if you're a guy who's, like, 6'3",
tell everybody you're 6'0", while you're around a guy who's actually 6'0",
and watch a meltdown occur.
We're going to get a tape measure then.
All right, we're going to get a fucking tape measure.
If he's 6'0", then you must be like, what, 5'8"?
And some dude who's actually 6'0",
being told he's 5'8"?
Yeah, it's not...
That's cruelty.
That's like a girl who's like 95 pounds and a group of girls being like, yeah, I feel so fat.
I'm 140 pounds.
Like saying that the mixed company of guys and they look at her who's 140 and they look at all the other girls.
What are you guys like 160, 170?
You melt down.
You melt down.
It wouldn't work.
170 you melt down you melt down it wouldn't work dude i'm watching kevin samuels and he keeps quoting this statistic that the average black woman is there another way i'm supposed to phrase
that no black woman is 187 pounds which is heavier than an average black man and i thought
no no this must be a so i googled. You know how much the average black woman weighs?
190.
187 pounds. He's right on the money.
That's a full-sized woman right there.
That's a big old gal.
Yeah, that's a little bit too much right there.
Yeah, I think his thing he always goes back to is like...
You guys know each other, by the way.
This is Woody
and this is Kyle.
We went, we were up
north. We did the ice cream thing in Vermont.
Oh, yes.
Oh my gosh.
It's been so long.
The meat sled.
Yeah, thong.
The meat sled.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Anyways, you were talking about people people's weight oh yeah fat women
thick thick thick uh no we come on that's not big 187 pound was beyond thick
yeah it's too big i can't remember what wing said his ideal woman was, but I think it was over 200.
Was it? Yeah.
He wanted a 220-pound lady.
There's something to be said for a woman
that can hold up to a...
To gravity?
At that weight?
There's something about a woman who can stand up to
the pull of the Earth's gravity.
I'm impressed.
I'm just saying, if the earth's gravity. I'm impressed. I'm just saying
if the woman's too spindly, then
she might
not be able to take what I'm
dishing out.
If I could be low-key
racist for a second.
Kidding, I'm on PKA.
If I could, just a reminder to the audience,
I'm Jewish in the Holocaust uh i want to say that
when i picture if you're like a picture of black man and then you're like uh picture a black woman
yep that's i do picture it that way yeah i did too i did too that's like like that's
yeah like she was like she was like she's like it was like... This isn't even my fault.
This is on the media.
She's curvy. She's thick.
She's got...
She's just thick.
The black guy I pictured can kick my ass.
I pictured the guy
that put up my blinds today.
He's about 5'10", 240.
He's not kicking anybody's ass.
I'm picturing i'm picturing
the guy who like i played football with and they all have like receiver builds oh no they're like
yeah they're way too cut even though they don't work out that girl i remember my my best friends
elementary school abdul and david both black and me like an uncoordinated white dude like just
thinking that we're just kids it's all the same
like life is fair and everything's equal and like whatever and like we're like running back and
forth playing games or whatever they're smoking me like i was like a stupid gangly kid like any
other dumb kid you've ever seen that i'm like mommy i'm an idiot like that's literally who i was and like david and
abdul could do standing backflips at like seven and i forget it what is with that with those kids
who could do backflips in elementary school who was teaching them they just had it bro they had
it that's what i'm saying and i didn't know and i was just like oh shit i'm like like they built
different like i remember like i like i remember like abdul took
his shirt off and he had like like an eight pack so i was like yeah me too you're a kid you forget
like what your body looks like in weird stupid ways so they got me to take your shirt off you
look down you're like what the hell like i wasn't fat at all i was like a skinny kid but i didn't
have like a single muscle there where he had like dozens of muscles
dozens of packs dozens of them yeah i think i wonder what uh the average white man way what
does the average white woman way because i'm curious about that like i don't know just for
google in your state yeah no in the united states i want I want to know your state.
Oh, okay. We pulled up to that Walmart and there was...
It's heavier than I thought.
170.
What?
The average woman weighs 170?
Yeah, that's heavier than I thought.
Damn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where am I on this scale? This is crazy. You got to calm down, bro. You was white man way where am i on this scale this is crazy well you gotta calm down
bro you said white man like really enthusiastically i've heard you say something so enthusiastically
in ages is the way you say 198 the average white man 198 okay okay i'm i'm actually like 310 pounds in January.
And now I'm like 265.
Damn.
And that was like just like boxing and just eating.
And not pandemic, not being stuck inside or anything like that.
There's been like such a change.
But I think about like 310.
That's like break the toilet bowl type weight.
Like, you can sit on a toilet bowl and break it.
Nah.
That's not true.
I weigh, like, 200.
And I bet if I sat on your lap, it wouldn't break.
What if you sat on my lap and bounced up and down?
Then I would break.
What about that?
What about that, Winnie?
Threaten me one good time.
Have you ever seen one of those toilets
that's made for the super obese?
No.
I want to see a picture of one.
Side note, I just realized real quick,
I can't make those type of jokes with
the mustache and the look right now because I don't know if you remember
what Robin Williams looked like in the bird cage robert williams in the
bird cage i'm like set on my lab woody it reads differently um yeah this no this big person uh
toilet seat you're talking about is it like wide ass accommodating or it's like up to 500 pounds
it's a whole toilet it's not just the seat and the whole thing is sturdy it's up to 500 pounds. It's a whole toilet. It's not just the seat. The whole thing is sturdy.
It's wider and lower to the ground
and looks like it can accommodate a 1,000-pound person.
I have seen those.
That looks pretty comfy, actually.
I think I'd fall in.
I could surf Reddit on a throne like that.
Who helps that fat ass sit up from that position?
There's a cable and pulley system.
That's literally what you need.
You literally need that.
It's like, remember Terminator 2 when he lowers himself into the steel?
It's like that.
It's the opposite.
Fucking thumbs up.
No, I could never do that.
I would kill myself long before I got that fat.
I don't get it. How would you do it?. I would kill myself long before I got that fat. I don't get it.
How would you do it?
How would I kill myself?
I'd eat myself to death.
No, I'd fucking hang myself.
Of course, because that'd be so cool.
Once you get to 700 pounds.
You'd go live on Siege
every single day and break
controllers
just until you died. You'd just sit there and play Rainbow Six Siege over single day and break controllers until you die.
That's it. You just sit there and play Rainbow Six Siege
over and over again.
Games that you hate. Only games that you hate
with people that you hate doing things that you hate.
Eating things that you love
until you die.
Everything should be negative.
Well, that's plan B.
Plan A is like eating
a bullet.
Are you talking about how you would, if you got too fat, you would kill yourself?
Yeah, if I weighed 500 pounds, I'd kill myself.
You wouldn't try and... Well, I think you've blown your skin out and ruined your joints.
All right, so I'll say this.
If I went to 500 and I came back, the way that somebody does that deep water diving for a record,
you get to 300 feet and then straight back to the top if you do that it's a little different but if you've lived
a life as a 500 pound man throw it away that you you've ruined this shit you're all fine
your blood is right yeah but i'm burning everyone i'm like burning everyone no i'm like myself and
like roll myself into a a Walmart cupboard and shit.
Oh, God.
How many police is it going to take to get me to leave here?
Carry my shit.
Last time it was six.
The record's eight.
The record's four.
That's the least it's taken to get me out after i'm shitting and mad here at the walmart subway you think you think if you got to 500 pounds
like if you if you worked at it and from you now got to 500 and then immediately turned around do
you think you could like get it back together like you'd have to do a bunch of skin oh yeah
yeah yeah all right so if i if i'm 500 pounds today let's see how long would it take to be like
looking good like being able to
fucking date normal women and shit?
I think I could knock that out in a year, no problem.
But think about it.
To get up to 500,
to get up to 500, there's going to be
a lot of skin-stretchy time there, too.
Yeah, I can't.
Whatever happens, happens. I'm not saying
I'm going to kill myself afterwards, but I'm saying
I could knock out 250 pounds in a year and be rich.
That's like a pound a day nearly.
That just seems a lot.
But he's 500 pounds.
But because you're 500, like it's so much easier to lose that weight
and you're losing so much more.
Like you're so far below maintenance eating 2,000, 2,500 calories a day
and like working out.
You'd have to be incredibly active.
Look, if you're 500, if I weigh weigh 500 pounds i don't have any hobbies i've got a i've got a i've got
this other thing where i'm drowning in fat and i've got to get out like like like who cares about
video games and and no all day it filled with cardio. 500 pounds,
all you got to worry about is building a new shower
and that's it. That's your only stress.
And you can even have a friend
do that for you.
If I'm 500 pounds,
I'm fucking doing a Kickstarter.
And when the money comes in, I'm like,
fuck y'all, bro. 500 pounds.
What are you going to do?
Nothing. the money comes in i'm like fuck y'all bro 500 pounds what are you gonna do nothing what are you gonna do make my life difficult i'm 500 pounds i live it
my whole life you can't make my life difficult i made my life difficult
he does play on fucking extreme difficulty mode no No, if I were 500 pounds, my life's...
Right now, he's about 420.
He's about 430 right now.
You know, he was 430 when he came to my house
for the original boot camp, 428 maybe,
and I knocked like 50 pounds off that motherfucker.
I'm feeling sequel.
Sequel.
I considered it the other day in a high stupor.
Yo, I'll come.
I took like five edibles, and I was like, man, wings would be hilarious. No, I'll come. I'll come. I did it the other day and a high student. I took like five edibles and I was like, man, wings would be hilarious.
I'll come.
I'll come.
I did it.
I didn't do it like you did it.
That's for sure.
But like, I lost like 45 pounds.
I'm like, when you're at that level, like that's life changing.
45 pounds.
Cause now you're going from like opening up a whole bunch of new activities
that you couldn't do before.
It's like, you have to work so slowly back into the realm. even though you said it before what do you like you're like you wouldn't
break a toilet seat at 310 maybe not a toilet seat but like at 310 that's like where i would
look at the the weight limit of items like i would go to like like nothing in ikea could come in my
house any chair anything from ikea couldn't come there. If I wanted a chair, I needed a
legit Adirondack real
wood chair made like 78
years ago. It doesn't
exist today.
A chair maker. That's what he did.
He never wanted to have the technology
to make chairs that will support Harley.
I need chairs that
were cobblers, made by a cobbler.
Who is that?
Wolf, how are you?
Wolf, you're not making any audio is not working.
I heard him.
Maybe hit the settings cog and see if it's the right mic.
No, I, I, he, he came to my house four 25 and I think he left around three 75.
So it's not as big of a percentage, right?
But it wasn't a lifestyle change.
Like he wasn't like, Oh, now I can i can run it was like he needs to lose when you're 425 you gotta knock 100 off before
you feel it yeah but that you gave him two more inches of his dick that's a big deal man that's
three fucking inches yeah
kyle i'm on my way uh We'll maybe close the other tab.
Okay.
There we go. We hear you.
We hear you now, brother.
How much do you weigh?
You're going to have to tap your mic to be 100% sure. How tall are you? How much do you weigh?
I'm 6'2".
About 207.
Oh, the tab is closed.
Oh, I was curious about Wolf.
I think about your height and weight all the time, Kyle.
Hold on.
I haven't seen Wolf in a while, but last time I saw him,
I'm going to say Wolf is like 5'11".
Oh, my God.
About a strong 210 pounds.
But maybe I'm way off.
But that's how I remember him.
Wolf's got a big personality too. Yeah. No, I'm way off. That's how I remember him. Wolf's got a big personality
too.
You think back at Wolf and you're like,
yeah, that 6'8 guy.
When he's out there,
he's fucking... We've been friends on social media
for a decade, but I never met
in person. Testing, testing, testing.
Can you hear me now?
Tap your mic. Make sure it's the right one.
Yeah. Actually, I. Tap your mic. Make sure it's the right one. Yeah.
Actually, I have met Harvey.
Oh, but it was in the dark times.
I don't know.
On my
paintball show. Did I kiss you?
Did I try and kiss you? No, no, no.
That was a different altercation.
On my paintball show back in the day,
I went to a hotel in Toronto
and him and the bacon crew
were uh doing their thing and uh i had them on my youtube show
uh yes and uh kitty told me to go down and say hi and they're they're the coolest guys ever
that was the uh that was the dark times actually
actually 80 of the guys I was with
were not cool. I was carrying the coolness
for them, just so you know.
It was all me, bro.
Yeah, that was all me.
It was all you, baby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was all me.
You had all the charisma in the room.
That's why you didn't let half of the other ones talk.
Their bits were just,
this is Muscles Glasses,
because he doesn't do bits or voices or anything
he's just as strong you should have seen the first episodes where he was hosting oh wow like i don't
know if this is gonna work you should stop talking apparently he lives in the woods now
just in the woods the general woods yeah apparently he ran away into the woods
oh we're talking about people live in the woods earlier apparently he ran away into the woods. Oh, we were talking about people that live in the woods earlier.
Is he doing well in the woods?
Honestly, I don't know.
You guys had kind of a nasty divorce, right?
You and Muscles Glasses?
One-sided.
I look back at it and I'm always like,
Oh, man, you know, shit.
22 years old. He was 22.
I'm sure with my brain now i could have
serviced him better to prevent him from making such an error but like i like back then people
didn't understand the overhead of youtube if you looked up like epic meal time value it'll be like
10 million dollars and they look at me they're like you have 10 million dollars a year and i'm
like bro i'm driving a fucking nissan sentra you dumbass there's not
i don't think there's not even there's not even a single million here right now am i wrong about
this like tell me if i'm stepping out of my place here but did did it inflame it a little bit when
they came to my house i was just about to say it's like 20 your fault i wish i wish the youtube
drama shit existed back then so i'm gonna be like be like, don't blame me. Blame fucking FPS Russia.
The guy's a liar.
We've got there and this guy has like four cars and a phone called YouTube money.
He hires a guy to play the Xbox games for him.
It was literally like, and they're looking at me.
They're like, yo, this is how he's got the same amount of users.
I'm like, listen,
there's six of you.
It's one of him.
I don't know how financially
responsible that boat purchase is.
It was like a $30,000 boat.
But it was like, I was like, yeah, I laughed.
I was like, fuck.
Fucking Kyle, man.
Why do you have to name a boat YouTube money?
Because you said it.
It was so cool when you said it.
It was funny.
And I don't think I would have bought the boat.
Until he said, where's my boat?
Where's my boat i thought i was like hammering at home a little bit when you all had to share the same guest bedroom it's like let's say you know guys like we're not really balling here like i got a three
bedroom house like like there was a part where you you guys were all going to bed and i like
opened the guest bedroom and they're all in there asleep in one guest bedroom because i only have one and they're on the floor in sleeping bags and i go good night epic meal time and like two or
three of them go good night fps russia and i close the door it's not even not even a joke like
like when i think about like the good times of of like the internet or the experience i'm not like
oh we got hooked up at
the club and we did this or like when we did it was literally like the times when like all three
of us would humbly sit in your extra bedroom lying on mattresses on the floor and no one complained
yeah like they were they really only got back they were like oh i want to get a house in a
pool and i'm like there's literally not even money for me to get a house and if anyone's getting a house
in a pool it'll be me first so let's not talk about that right now okay get in line you're like
fourth to get house yeah i remember things were simple back then and i and i actually loved that
i was like that was peeing yeah no no all that stuff was fun. I enjoyed having White Boy at my house that summer.
That was really fun to have somebody.
White Boy was great.
Because he was like, we were doing the same thing, more or less,
but not competing against each other in any sort of way.
So it was like if me and you were sharing a place,
I think we'd have tried to collab more.
But if we're doing separate projects, there's a little bit of competition.
A little bit.
It's not like you're a gun channel. it's not like your gun channel it's not like i'm like food or like there
was like something like well i can't upload this i gotta wait for kyle to upload today i'm not gonna
do it it's like there would be if not competition at least like conscious maneuvers around there
would be some positive synergy for sure more than anything yeah i think back on those times and i'm like man like it was people like we we were lying a lot like in in terms of the success of it
like we like i moved and acted like we were making the money that like logan paul makes right now
and that's not what the the financial scenario was at the time but like i
think about like the poor dudes that left like like muscles and tyler and i'm like bro not the
time you should have stuck around for like three or four more years even josh was on the show for
you know three four years after uh alex and tyler like he ended up on the TV show. He ended up getting a hosting job
on his own TV show because of that.
I mean, he's making epic memes
every single day.
Didn't Tyler go do some kind of rap battle thing or something?
He may have.
Not as a career or anything.
He may have been involved in something.
Yeah, I saw him at a rap battle.
Oh, yeah. He did go to a lot of that. Yeah, I don't know. I saw him at a rap battle.
Oh, yeah. He did go to a lot of that.
Yeah, I think he was into it.
Was he an okay guy? I know you and Muscles Glasses fell
apart, but I always liked
Muscles. I don't know if you like me.
I think Muscles
was like
at the time, and apparently he's different now, but I don't
know him now at all, but it was just something that i heard like when i spoke with tyler a couple years ago
was that he's uh started like neither of those guys smoked the weed they kind of smoked the weed
and mellowed out a whole bunch since then i mean probably like 27 probably hits hard when it's like
five years later and like epic mealtime has like the tv show coming out you're like oh maybe i left a bad time to just go and not do anything really um yeah yeah like it just
it's just such a fun thing like like to pal around with you and do that thing bro and like
literally i only asked like one day a week from him one two hour day he had to come and he was the only guy on
the team and like this was like what was hard for me to balance this out was like
i had to explain to like guys like dave josh and amir who were hard-working guys
i had to explain to them like why alex can come in four hours after them when the food is done
eat a bunch of bacon and then leave and go to
university to take classes that i literally was paying for because it was something we worked out
i'm like why doesn't he clean i'm like because he's the guy we made him the guy we thought it
was fun and funny but now he's the guy and negotiation wise like i don't have the money
that he thinks i do to do this and i'm not foolish with the money. So like, he just doesn't have to clean up. We, we clean up.
And they got it. They were workers. Like they understood that.
But someone who was closer to him, like Tyler,
I think that was like harder to swallow. Cause like he, they were the same age.
They were best friends. They both didn't,
they both didn't have a real job at this point in their life.
So it was like, I look back and i'm like oh i didn't have the right leadership skills to to explain this
properly i was also stressing and like when they came up to me like sometimes people would come to
me and be like like we were in your house sharing a guest bedroom right three of us in a room well then we moved to la and we literally stayed in
ludacris's old house which was the rent was 45 000 per month and we didn't pay that we split
that with a company a company paid most of that we just stayed there and like what happened was
when we were there like we we each had a room and like one of the rooms was a closet but when i say it's a closet
the closet was like 20 feet by 20 feet okay and there's no clothes in there because it was a
but like so he has a 20 foot by 20 foot space and it's connected to a bedroom and there's a
bathroom in there it's private a private bathroom. You can close the door
to whatever. The lap of luxury.
Yeah, some people
had more, but when I say this
had a 20 by 20
room with no closet that he slept in.
I should also mention that this
place had two saunas,
a pool, a
movie theater. I'm not even exaggerating.
You can look up this house it's
it's it's 16 1659 marley drive or 1600 marley drive if you go marley drive it's behind chateau
marmont in la if you look at like the the cloud house or these houses that they have now that
these youtubers do like these are the houses but this was like a far superior one because it had like the gym the sauna
the theater and it's like you want to be a rapper you want to be a rapper but you're unhappy with
the setup here well what would you do on tour in a tour bus like artists that go on tour in a tour
bus have less than a 20 by 20 space we knew artists they had they had little fucking pods on their bus
um and like you know this wasn't this wasn't enough for them but that was my i look back and
i'm not like he's an idiot uh because he was probably smarter than i was at that age but i'm
just like oh my lack of leadership skills to really explain to him in a good way that this
was an opportunity um is something that I failed.
And I say that because you knew, you knew Tyler, Kyle. I mean, I can't say much for muscles. We,
we kind of like, we all joked because we thought it was funny that muscles glasses was muscles
glasses. Cause we're like, I can't believe Alex is like, everyone's so hyped about him. It's Alex,
like he's eating bacon. Like Alex eating bacon is like the hypest shit like we found that funny but like tyler was and is like genuinely a very funny person like that's a guy outside of epic mealtime
hang around him like you'll laugh if you look back at old epic mealtime episodes like the
things that he does on camera you laugh he's a funny guy but you know if like i mean my ego was
bad at like 27 if i had that ego in that scenario at 22 like i would have
really fucked up i would have fucked up a lot if i were in your position kyle even just by myself
like i would have fucked up like you know you you pushed the envelope you went like further you
didn't have like the team i mean like you had one kitty which is worth like a dozen normal men
but like he pushed the envelope but it was an envelope that was pushed to him that did the damage in the end no it was um because of the
drugs no i never um i i don't know like like i never um wanted to be too crazy frivolous with money. Like, I immediately bought a new car.
And then me and my dad immediately, I was like, Dad, I'm going to buy a truck.
Do you want to buy a truck with me? Let's just buy a whole truck.
And then we quickly realized that you can't buy half a truck.
So I had to get a check from father. And then it was his whole truck.
You can't both put $20,000
into a thing because then one person gets mad about how the other person
uses it. So just write me a check and we'll be fine.
So we got that sorted out right away. But yeah, and then I bought that boat. That boat was
not supposed to be a frivolous purchase. That was supposed to be a smart idea.
But this happens to me sometimes.
I get swept up in the idea that we're going to do a thing,
and I won't let anything get in my way.
It's like, look, I said I was going to do a thing.
Oh, now Alex is out and we can't get a house?
I'll get a fucking boat.
It's like, wait a minute.
Who am I trying to beat?
There's no one to beat here.
There's no competition.
It's just us.
It's just me.
I could sit here and do nothing
or just fucking take $30,000 more out of the bank
and buy the house.
That's what I should have fucking done.
I don't know why I didn't just do that.
That was absurd.
We're talking ahead
because when you're your own competition like that,
that's how you progress and get huge.
I don't know. We're talking about all these these youtube memories i want to talk with wolf a bit how's how's everything going for you currently
um it's good and it sucks at the same time because i i get treated like i'm using real
firearms half the time so but other than that it's's like freaking great. It's still trying to get subscribers.
They're trying to do the whole thing.
But, you know, I've been like crazy successful on TikTok nowadays and Instagram is going good and reels and all that stuff.
So, you know, I'm still doing my thing.
And I'm like, you know, going getting shut up.
And then you got some chicks going on there going like this and getting like 50 million views and I'm like
yeah but we want to fuck her
we want to fuck that one
you don't want to?
legally
I got from the whole shit first but
you know I have a question for both of you
I have a question for both of you real quick I'm sorry I interrupted
you Taylor but I'll forget this because I'm
stoned off of our sponsors delicious amazing weed um
did you ever either of you harley or harley have you ever seen that went for that easy grab
to boost views money whatever and that's throwing in some tits and ass into your video or your
content like like i was always like tempted to like somehow work in like
some naked chicks with guns but but i didn't know how to do it and not and keep everybody like okay
the problem with your scenario was that like like getting like the hottest girl around doesn't
really necessarily mean that you feel that safe with a loaded firearm with like
spitfire ammunition and the shotgun in her hand oh i don't know that i'd want like maybe not even
her shooting the gun but like just include her somehow you know what i mean like like like just
throw tits and ass into the video so that that's just a part of it i mean it'll get another 50
it'll do 15 better i've done i've done the TNA thing on my show.
And it wasn't because I wanted to get views for it.
It was because I went through like an insanely rough divorce.
And I was enjoying life after that divorce.
So I was hanging out with like a whole bunch of models and stuff like that.
And if you go like if you search the world's smallest paintball gun by Wolf, you'll see I have like a big booty model on there with the world's smallest bikini and stuff like that. If you search the world's smallest paintball gun by Wolf, you'll see I have
a big booty model on there with
the world's smallest bikini and stuff.
I just had fun like
that. Girls
wearing tactical vests with
huge cleavages and stuff. I had a phase.
Did you practically fuck them?
Absolutely not.
It was completely professional.
Nice and square.
So they were all good friends.
You posted recently this backpack.
This guy had a backpack.
And you were like, how many paintballs were inside the backpack?
6,000.
6,000.
How much money is that?
Oh, I don't know.
That's like three cases.
Tell me, how much has inflation affected an individual paintball?
It has, actually.
It's funny because they have these new paintballs called first strike rounds.
They're sniper paintballs.
And they've got fins on the back of them.
And they go triple the distance of a regular paintball.
And those, I can't remember what they were.
Right now, you can buy 60 of those.
Those are 51 cents each.
That's as much as a 2-2-3 round.
Yeah, that's like a real gun.
Yeah, yeah.
But here's the thing.
You don't have to pay for them if you're cool.
They just send you cases.
They do.
But, you know, he was asking how things are being affected.
Right.
So and they used to be like 20 cents less than that.
So it's it's what's the case of paintballs?
Because I haven't the last time I had to buy paintballs.
They were like premium paintballs were 70 bucks a case at the field there.
Yeah.
Normally like 70 bucks.
If you go up to Toronto, they're like 200 bucks.
Jesus.
Yeah, you have no idea, bro.
So I saw that.
Still on the same price,
except for those first strike ones I was talking about.
Canada pricing is wild.
You have no idea, man.
I just came up from the States.
I have one of my properties in the States.
So I'm an hour away from the border.
So I take advantage of certain things when I can it's insane i do the same thing that's
ludicrously expensive you mentioned that people like you'll get hate from like anti-real gun
people is that is like how many people are actually that against guns that they're like
getting into gun related hobbies and being like you're culpable
like that happened here in canada i had like i had like an airsoft gun uh no disrespect by the way
and they uh like there was like a law my buddy came by and he was like there's like a chance that
like you have to like give back your your gun or give it to the government
because it's too much
of a gun.
A paintball gun buyback?
A law was changing.
It's changing right now. We're fighting it right now.
So that's still happening?
Yeah, I work with gun lobby people.
What law is being fought?
It's called Bill C-21 and they're trying to get rid of
any replicas, like paintball markers that
look like the real thing and they're they're trying to push that in with the regular bill
to get rid of ar-15s and certain handguns and stuff like that so they're trying to include
airsoft and paintball with that bill so is it time to immigrate no bro i i and listen i'm a
former new yorker and I love the States,
but no matter how disturbingly stupid stuff like that happens here,
I'm still chilling in Canada.
I don't have to worry about certain things and crimes and health care.
What things?
When you said things, what did you say? You know what things.
I know.
Well, you know, Certain guys who see me differently
and me walking down the street with a white girlfriend
and them saying something to her.
You don't have to worry about stuff like that here.
But you have a gun here, so you take care of that shit.
That's true.
Get it right, brother!
Take them all out!
Fixed racism one bullet at a time.
Oh, Jesus.
But it's... I love the it's, I, I, I love the States and I love Canada, but Canada was like, I'll tell you this story.
We were back in the day.
This was like early nineties when I was with my back then fiance and we were discussing where we wanted to stay because I had some great job offers.
I went to Syracuse U and had some great job offers to stay in the States
and stuff like that. And so we're
walking upstate New
York, what have you and everything. And we're driving
America has this and Canada
has this and some guy driving by
and my
girl who is white. I
just hear someone yell out the car.
F you and lover.
And we just stop. And just stop in our steps.
And we stop in our steps.
And then she goes, I think we should stay in Canada.
And we went back up north.
And that's pretty much it.
What is it in Canada?
Like, oh, you're probably a fucking Leafs fan, you hoser.
No, let's be honest
in Canada they like
go home create a burner account on Instagram
and write it after creeping him on Instagram
and fighting him
there's scumbags everywhere
I don't think
they're so empowered in Canada
these days but that changes
I find things are different
I agree a lot like i love
the usa i love so many things that are wrong with the usa are the things that i love like i love
going to a restaurant and i'm like oh diet coke please and they bring me like a glass that's
somehow two liters and i like that it's i love that shit and i like i see i see uh fat fucking people on like motor scooters
rolling around walmart and i'm like that's your fault you did that to you and i'm here and i'm
enjoying watching you like zoom around up and down the aisle driving the most colorful packages
and i love that i love this country i love that that exists like i love that it's like a like a
semi on the way to cyberpunk
like i do love everything about the u.s i i really love the country um and now like honestly like 80
percent of my friends are americans like they're just people that i've met over the years you know
you don't stay that in touch with people that you were friends with in elementary and high school
but like when i live in LA or whatever, or,
you know,
like I,
you guys,
like,
uh,
when I get married in 15 years,
I can't wait to have the fucking PKA boys is,
you know,
my wedding party.
I know.
Dude,
I'm there.
Oh yeah.
I want to meet this woman.
Who's currently three.
Where's Woody? And Woody's. I'm like, yo, where's Woody?
And Woody's going to be like, my leg.
My leg.
So you guys, I actually like, I do love Canada, though.
Like, I've been in Toronto.
Toronto is so sick.
I really do love it.
I'm back in Montreal.
I'm in Halifax right now.
And I can't believe I never came to this part of Canada.
I'm not going to bore you with it because it's just a Canadian city,
but it's just awesome.
It's been great.
I still love the USA,
but I don't know if I'd be so eager to go there.
There's so many things that I like.
There's major worries that exist in the US
that I don't have here.
Like what?
I've been to Israel
because I don't know if the audience
knows i'm jewish and it's been minutes since we told them yeah okay but like i've been to israel
and like i was like nervous going to israel and then you just see like police officers with uzis
and stuff and i'm like oh okay i guess you know i guess they're they're all locked down they're
alert yeah they're alert uh so that's fine. Um, but like, then
like I go to Florida and I eat in an olive garden and literally like, I don't know if you saw this
video, but like seven days later, a video pulls up where a kid like was in the mall, like apparently
hitting on underage girls. And then the cops chase him and he pulls out a gun and starts shooting at
them. And there's a full shootout. The olive garden that I ate at like five days before is in the background of that video and sometimes when i do go to florida like
when i go to florida bro like you should see me driving canada and then you should see me drive
in florida yeah like like there's no touching the horn ever i'll never touch the horn someone
pulls out next to my car like i'm looking down and away everyone has a gun right yeah there's a potential threat i'm not anyone like
like if someone has a bad day in canada like that's front page you're like he had a bad day
he slapped him at tim hortons in the face in the u.s like bro this guy pulled out like uh like an
automatic rifle lit me up for cutting him off it's not even newsworthy they're like yeah bro
you're one of 2000 today we today. We don't care.
It's little things like that.
It's just me being scared.
It's not just Canadians who think that. What you're saying is people in the U.S.
are a lot more polite.
They're very polite because all those
Floridians are armed to the teeth.
It could be 20,000.
Florida's the only place that can make a Canadian extra polite.
It's Aussie, Kyle.
I look at you, and I'm like, you're glad he's on my side.
I agree.
And you know what?
He's 100% right, because when I'm in the States,
even if it's an hour away from the border,
I'm heads constantly on a swivel, always paying attention.
I'm always going into a restaurant, facing the exit, facing the door, back against the border. I'm heads constantly on a swivel, always paying attention. I'm always going into a restaurant,
facing the exit,
facing the door back,
you know what?
Back against the wall.
And that,
that,
that when you come up North,
it's just chill.
But you guys are wrong.
You've never seen any violence.
You're like,
I'm all my head's on a swivel.
I'm prepared.
I like to eat it all of garden and condition yellow.
Did you see anyone?
Did they try to steal your breadsticks?
Be careful.
Bro, listen, I was, I don't know if I
told you this story, but I was at a paintball game once
and I was parked
outside of my hotel
and sitting
in my car, putting in the GPS
where the field was.
And four cop cars pulled up to me, guns drawn, lights pointed,
boom, boom, getting ready, running at me.
What are you doing here?
Going crazy like this.
And I was just looking at my computer in the car, not doing anything.
And, you know, whose car is this? I was driving a range at the time. And whose car is this i was driving a range at
the time and whose car is this and what are you doing here yeah and i was like dude i was like
you know i had to put my hands up and then i'm getting my license really slow and all this stuff
and i mean we have a problem that we have problems in canada but it's nothing like that
okay now that's a fair problem but as white people not very
dangerous i i am never afraid the way the way you uh harley described when i was singing like
driving a trap like i see because no but you're the guy here's the thing about that you know
i don't have any guns they took them away but but here's the thing the people who do have any guns. They took them away. But here's the thing. The people who do have the guns would know me.
I feel like if some dude starts shooting up a Taco Bell,
I could be like, I'm at Fierce Russia.
I'm still in the voice.
If I yell that loud enough, there is like a 35% chance he goes, for real?
You ain't sound Russian.
And then you'd be killed for doing too good of an accent 10 years ago
no have you seen the the top gear like you guys are talking about like the funniness of like
you know and the scariness of sometimes in america i'm in i live in st louis which is a
third world country or third world city as far as violence goes and when i go to florida where my dad lives i feel the opposite
where like i'm like everything's kind of nice like it it feels safer here like it feels way
safer in tampa than driving around st louis and so i can't imagine how safe i would feel if i
lived in edmonton tampa's like university town you know like i feel like there's a lot of students
it's a growing town it's big tampa's got that's kind of where i've spent all my time in florida
either you know tampa or um jacksonville or uh or orlando never miami i never went all the way down
um because because the stuff we were doing was all based right there in tampa um orlando or um or the other one that's it's also hot as
shit in miami and like when i go to florida i'm looking for good weather the weather's just fine
in in tampa you don't gotta go all the way fucking down yeah i was there for like gun guys to like
use their shit or like go to their places or something like that so i just never made it down
there i need to go to st louis i need to try that barbecue that's the yeah we have tremendous barbecue go go to pappy's pappy's barbecue is great when i had
my wedding like my big thing was like i fucking hate going to weddings because i hate the food
because i love like a chicken parm but i hate wedding chicken parm because it's dog shit. It's not good. It's a step up from airplane food.
It's barely a step up.
And so like when my,
exactly.
Like when my wife and I
were talking about our wedding,
like the only thing
I was very passionate about,
I was like,
I want Pappy's,
a very famous St. Louis barbecue place.
I want them to cater it.
Like I want Pappy's,
exactly that restaurant.
And like, because in my head, I was like, first of all, I'll be stoked on that meal because like i want pappy's exactly that restaurant and like because in my
head i was like first of all i'll be stoked on that meal because i fucking love pappy's
and second like i could see everybody's faces already before the wedding being like
it's not dog shit it's pappy's we're eating pappy's and like i had no less than like five
dozen people come up to me during my wedding and be like dude fist bump for pappies
thank you so much like this is great i did not expect to have like pulled pork and like ribs
available and you're a hero for that that's a big hero tremendous and everybody loved it
it did even the dj doing a ton of cocaine in the bathroom in the middle of it it didn't even ruin
it i didn't even mind i just just was like, just do the cocaine
and keep playing the songs.
Just duck down behind it and do your coke.
I'm not calling the police. I don't care.
You did that Pappy's move and like 30%
of your guests looked at each other and they're like,
we should have gained more.
Everybody was
so stoked on it.
They loved it. When the Pappy's
people and the Pappy's uniform started bringing
in the food, it was like pizza day in a
cafeteria as a grade school kid. Seriously, they did it
like that? I had them bring it
all in because I was like, I don't want it served on
plates to everyone where you have a limited amount. I want
enormous sums of meat over there that you
can just pop up and go eat throughout the night because
I kept getting up and going getting
more burnt ends throughout the evening.
It was great.
How much did that cost budget-wise?
The food was maybe like five grand.
From Pappy's?
From Pappy's, yeah.
The whole thing.
Because it's just barbecue, so it's not the most expensive thing in the world.
But when we were pricing it out, it was like,
oh, we can get horrible chicken parmesan for the number of people we're having at the reception for nine thousand dollars or we can have like one of the most loved restaurants in in the the area just you know kind of unceremoniously
delivered a huge amount of shit and i was like that i don't care about the colors i don't care
about anything else wedding prices like in like they really do count on you marrying a cunt.
Yeah.
When they're like, with those prices, they're like,
if this guy's got a real cunt wife,
she's not going to want to have something fun like barbecue.
She's going to make him do something stupid like expensive airplane chicken parm.
So, like, I feel like that business leans on that.
But if you work with your wife and she's down, like, there you go.
Oh, we were both so down.
Was Kyle there?
Was Kyle at your wedding?
No, he couldn't make it.
He was on probation.
Was Woody there?
I was doing that dirt bike trip around the country at the time.
Sounds like super important things for this really important day.
I'm going to play.
I'm going to ride my bicycles and important day. I should have invited Harley.
He would have come.
Yeah, I would have been in the bathroom with that DJ.
Well, this is where the party is.
When I was talking to my friend about it, I was talking to my buddy.
I was like, this is after the wedding.
I didn't know what was going on at the time.
And he's like, dude, you realize like your DJ like was doing coke in the bathroom like every 15 minutes after like you and your wife's first dance.
And I was like, oh, that's pretty fucking rude.
Like those guys are expensive, like at the very least.
Like, you know, they're behind their little area.
Just pretend you're going to change a wire and do a little coke while you're down there i'm being i'm being one million percent serious
that i would be more okay with that because then at least he's still djing and doing his shit
than just bouncing off like he has ibs like you're like no do it right there in front of all of us
no like there there was on the record it was only one time that the music stopped because of some
you know computer issue i don't
know and he was in the bathroom doing cocaine and he didn't even do it in the stall my friend matt
when it came to me later and was like dude i walked in i'm doing coke and i'm like
like in a stall he's like no he was doing it at the hand washing station
there are children here like there was it was great i got the the venue we did it at
this was last year 2021 and the guy like was like you can do it here but no he was like ultra maga
guy he's like no masks and we're like yeah we're not we're not planning on doing that anyway we
want the pictures to look nice in 20 years. But he was like, okay, but just
know.
It's like,
you know,
this is a much bigger deal to you than me.
I can tell. So whatever
you want, man, as long as I can get my
barbecue delivered. I just have this
vision of my head of like
Harley in the bathroom with the DJ
and like coming out 20 20 minutes
later going hey guys we're going streaking who wants to go streaking and just start taking
running out of the bed
i would be like yo jayler you know the dj i just saw him in the bathroom
you're doing drugs in there he's doing drugs in there i He's doing drugs in there. I'm like, Harley, your nose is bleeding.
I came like that.
Why couldn't he just do weed like a respectable adult instead of cocaine?
I used to DJ back in the day, bro.
Really?
I'm going to wait.
I'm going to dip out because I'm arriving at my destination.
All right. Take care, Harley. Always great chatting. dip out because I'm arriving at my destination. All right.
Take care, Harley.
Always great chat.
Yeah, absolutely.
Wolf, loved seeing you.
Woody, Kyle, Taylor, I'll see you next month maybe.
Thanks for popping on, man.
I appreciate it.
Thank you.
See you soon, buddy.
You guys are awesome.
Take care.
See you.
That's hilarious.
Yeah, well, I'm glad the DJ worked out, kind of.
He did. He did a good job.
He must have been paying him well for him to be coked up, though.
You had a coked up DJ at your wedding?
Oh, you weren't here for that.
Yeah, the DJ at my wedding, he was popping into the bathroom from time to time doing a good bit of cocaine.
But it didn't impact my enjoyment of it.
See, that's the thing about cocaine
that's how i know it's not a fun drug they have to keep going back for more so often that it can't
it's like jesus how long does this shit last like five minutes yeah and the post nasal drip it just
tastes like chemicals it's horrible like the guys were trying to sit there and like do a thing and
this guy's been in the bathroom eight fucking times it's like dude if you need to be that high to like participate like like just bring it let's
do it on the fucking table like what are you yeah what are you doing yeah chop it up pictures
chop it up let's go god damn i'm tired of you leaving i i i don't like i don't care if somebody's
doing it but i don't want any part of that yeah like like the part the fact that they're always
up and out of the room,
like if we're playing cards or like whatever, it's like, dude,
you're barely even here.
It was literally more of a thing where I was like, dude,
like I've got little cousins here.
Like this is wildly inappropriate for you to be doing.
Like just like kind of fuck you for doing this.
But I didn't know until after like the bill was settled,
everything was done after the fact.
It's not a fun drug either. I haven't. It after the bill was settled everything was done after the fact.
It's not a fun drug either.
I haven't... It's not.
I did that years and years ago in New York
and just did not care for it.
I didn't dislike it, but I was just like,
y'all pay money for this?
Oh, yeah.
I'm not an uppers man.
I had a ton of fun on Molly
at a few select concerts in college,
but that's the only time I did that,
and it was situational.
Uppers as a whole just stressed me out like i'm already so fucking neurotic and high strung you add something
else like that in it and i'm it's just too much for me i don't want that i can't have too much
caffeine and i get or i get kind of you know jittery and not feeling good well you definitely
don't want any drug that makes you happy like i can make well none of them will make you none of
them will make you happy.
Hear me out here.
Alcohol does what?
It sort of lowers your inhibitions, makes you a little slower to react.
I don't know what the fuck.
Vibe or something?
Like pulsing in a place and it makes you need less stimulus.
My experience with drugs runs out pretty quickly,
but none of them just bring you joy.
Yeah, no.
If you are going to drugs to bring you happiness,
you're already barking up the wrong tree.
You're going to end in destruction.
Drugs are accessories.
Drugs are accessories, okay?
They're meant to make fun things more fun
or things that suck, suck less.
That's how you should be using them.
But you don't go, time for the fun.
No, no.
How about, I'm in a bad mood and I want a good one.
What drug is that?
No, you should definitely not do drugs
for the reason of fixing your mood.
It's like the third question on the alcoholism thing.
I didn't ask you if I should.
I asked which one, all right?
Well, that's like the third question on the alcoholism thing.
This brings us back to better help, Woody.
Like if you're sad and depressed, honestly, I think sad and depressed people usually feel better with alcohol
because they're drinking until they aren't even thinking about that anymore.
They're making that part of their mind that conscious thinking part that's
like oh woe is me why didn't i go left instead of right why didn't i pick blue blue instead of red
it takes that guy and turns him the fuck off but it's a feedback loop because it's like i'm stressed
so i want to artificially depress my cortisol production in my brain and then the
alcohol wears off and your body goes well our cortisol production has been being depressed for
so long we need to up it and that's your stress the stress hormone stress luckily alcohol is very
affordable yeah luckily more alcohol all it will do is put you in a in a cycle of destruction
that's how people get like shakes and shit okay they depress their cortisol
for so long and then when they eventually stop it goes into haywire i'm not buying this this is this
is made up stuff what you're saying every day i wake up let me tell you about another feedback
let me tell you about another feedback loop every morning i wake up and i'm hungry you know and i
have to eat food and it's the same thing taylor alcohol is not a feedback
it's the exact same oh what every time just because you're eating doesn't make it feed
back i i'm it's right there in the word hard time even saying it and not proving my point
damn he's right
no but like a drug that'll just make you happy i i don't know that any drug has ever just made
me happy but i know that the things i was doing a little bit sometimes exercise does that's a good
food makes me happy no actually never actually made me happy it makes me feel good for a bit
i'll say not happy so speaking of the guy who's never tasted alcohol or even tried any drug um but i've driven home tons of people
tons of friends my entire i've been a designated driver all my life wouldn't acid be one that makes
you happy because every time i've seen people on that they're always laughing and giddy kyle's the
only one of us with acid experience so you're actually right like like my experience with with
acid was it made me real giddy and laugh laugh laughy i don't know what the word is like like i i would laugh at anything
and when i start it would be this sort of giggle and it would like keep building it's that it's
that laugh that like keeps building and the more you think back about the thing that tickled you
to begin with the more you keep laughing until you're just like,
Oh,
like crying and like,
and then it's not just you,
you don't feel out of place.
Cause everybody else is like dying laughing about the same fucking shit.
And then like,
you try to explain to somebody,
but you're like,
and they think that's funny. Cause they're on acid acid too so like that one actually did make me
happy that was a good time although i was actually happy right now that you mentioned it
mushrooms and acid are kind of in the same category right yeah hallucinogens yeah and i
tried mushrooms at a campfire once and i've told this story before or twice actually only work once
and uh i had a great time.
I was super happy.
I really enjoyed my friend's company.
This is my scene at a campfire.
This is like the happiest place I am.
And it definitely intensified it.
Everyone's jokes were funnier.
It was just a good time.
Yeah, and a guy I know buys mushrooms that unbeknownst to me,
another guy I know is his dealer.
So I know that guy.
I should tell him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's my observations as a virgin when it comes to that stuff.
So I like acid way more than mushrooms.
Not only because instead of having to eat,
like depends how you get your mushrooms,
but no matter what you're going to,
if you're going to eat,
I think you need like three grams of mushrooms to have a real time.
That's a lot of mushrooms to be eating.
That's like twice the recommended.
Recommended by who?
Strong dose.
The mushroom king?
I mean, my goofy friends who do it.
Fucking Goomba or something?
No.
Do you say twice as much?
I thought like one and a half grams was like the like to see stuff
dose. I think
yes-ish.
So I did one gram if I recall.
I've done mushrooms once.
And it was a good experience
for me, but I think mild compared
to people who want to like really
go on a trip. For me, it was just a mood elevator.
Some people want to have
hallucinations. I want to see shit just a mood elevator. Some people want to have hallucinations.
I want to see shit that's not there.
I've never accomplished that with mushrooms, even with
three, three and a half grams.
Really? With acid, though,
you will see some shit.
I'm going to say more than
three tabs or plus. You'll see
some shit.
Are tabs actually
in...
They're all
about the same yeah oh who fucking knows you have no idea when you're taking who fucking knows it's
like it happens when you make your own animals who knows i literally don't know the answer to
your question is maybe they are maybe they're all identical i I just don't know. Is peyote a mushroom?
No.
I believe it's from a cactus, right?
Oh, I think it's some sort of cactus juice
or something like that.
I know that people trip out like crazy on that in the desert and stuff.
I remember a guy telling me
about peyote when I was in high school.
He was driving and the road
just went,
it goes into the sky. I'm like, what did you do? when I was in high school and he talked about he was driving and the road just went like it
goes into the sky and I'm like what'd you do he's like I made sure I didn't fall off
he's on like a hot wheels track in the sky now driving down the road according to him he's
probably lying but but I know with I know with like four or five hits of acid it's not like I've
seen pink elephants everything was wiggly everything was like like like colors were pulsating and breathing the moon was pulsating and breathing the clouds were
beautiful but i wasn't seeing like some fucking eskimo in the corner telling me to conserve or
the planet will die like you know i wasn't seeing nothing that wasn't actually there it was just
that what i was seeing that was actually there was a little altered you weren't like jim
morrison in the desert being led around by an indian and stuff i would love that i would love
that that's what i want that's what i want like like all jokes aside i want to go it has to be
an indian guy i want it to be authentic i want to leave my body and have my mind go somewhere else
like a dream state and i know that that's a real thing that people have done and
there's lots of ways to do it like like i don't care if it's a sweat lodge and i have to dehydrate
myself for two days i would love to experience that to like leave my body and go do a thing
and be conscious of it and for it to be a purposeful thing and i don't care about spirituality
or any of that horse shit i just want to see some cool stuff just got to be your own people you trust so to put yourself oh yeah situation uh you know i i trust everybody we don't well good luck with that you won't lead
me astray i'm sure i'm sure taylor wouldn't do that thing we had a guy you know we do these
monthly hangouts for our patreons everybody that's a 50 dollar patron we hang out with them for two
hours on a call just like this and uh this guy was going to do dmt and it's like the the height of hallucinogens
and he's he takes three big hits of this fucking crystal out of a vape cartridge kind of like this
and he's just gone and i'm guiding him on this journey i'm like you see golden waterfalls and
he's like yeah i do and i'm like and he's like he's experiencing whatever i say because he's
very suggestive and he is fucked up.
And then Dirty, this guy that we know who's in the hangout, goes, you're on fire.
You're on fire.
It burns.
And I'm like, whoa, what the fuck?
Don't do that.
Everybody's like, stop, stop.
And then, like, I don't think it was Dirty's fault.
But like 30 seconds later, it was his fault.
A little.
That guy can boast and and like up like a baby, vomited.
And it was like coming down his chin onto him.
Grown man.
And he's like, after like five minutes, he's like, I'm okay.
I'm okay.
That was deep.
That was deep.
And it's just like, I want to do that without the public humiliation of spitting up on myself.
Without letting, like, I remember even saying at the
time when he was doing that I was like
dude like
maybe not in this group like
maybe not in the people who like our
podcast so much they come to hang out with us
because we know their sense of humor and they're
gonna they're gonna be yeah
like
that was cool but everyone was chill except for dirty
I liked um what was the
game we played the board game the game of games fun codename was a blast this time like i i it
it made the hangout a lot of fun for me i enjoyed it yeah we've no we lost kyle as he was saying
the game of games really yeah i? You're back there.
It's this funny little group party game type thing that we play
on the PC, but you can have an infinite number
of players. It's a word game,
kind of like Pictionary or something similar.
But I like to think that
it's an intelligence test.
It kind of is.
At least a vocab test,
but it's a little...
It's a vocab test, but it a little it's a vocab test but it's there's more activities
involved there's this word association thing and there's a little bit of a partner uh dynamic that
you need you need to know the guy you're working with no it's a fun game and it made the hangouts
interesting i wouldn't want to do it to everyone because i i genuinely like hearing those people's
fucking stories and sometimes they're just fucking weird like um I'll give you an example like this you never know what you're gonna get in there
everybody's got most 80 of them have their cameras on and there's like 20 lurkers who are like
listening and I look and this one guy's in his garage working the heavy bag and like I don't
know anything about boxing but I watch a lot of MMA and I watch a lot of it nobody's ever taught
me shit but I I'm like damn he looks good and i see him like the way he's he's twisting his whole body and the way i'm
looking at his feet and the way his his toes are pointing the way they the way they're moving his
foot his foot movement and then the way he's uh when the way he's just putting his whole body
into a punch i'm like hey man are you are you like a boxer or something he's like yeah got a fight
coming up in a month and a half i mean he's like he's like
i'm also in i'm a boxer a jujitsu and i do mma like he's a fucking badass over there yeah he's
big too badass yeah really eh six four 180 that's a killer 185 like that yeah i think 185 was the
weight class that's the weight class yeah oh is it okay okay okay six four and 185 was the weight class. That's the weight class, yeah. Oh, is it? Okay, okay, okay. Six forward, 185 is real long.
He's got so much more reach than the other guy.
I'm betting he was over 200 that day.
Yeah.
Okay.
Quite the reach on him, though.
Jesus, Murphy.
Huge wingspan.
And his legs.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I see.
They only weigh that for a few minutes, right?
I bet he weighed 200.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Should have asked him what he's
walking around at that would that would have been a good question yeah but yeah you never and then
one guy is literally an israeli tank commander and and with his israeli accent he'll he'll just
be like yeah you know when i'm we went on patrol we did this and that he's like no i don't i'm not
just in charge of a tank i have eight tanks under my command and we do this and that He'll let you know right away
I don't just command a tank
I'm the tank commander
Professional gambler?
That's not an everyday job
He's spending the next month doing nothing
But studying poker for his big Vegas trip
He's going out there to
Hopefully not lose
His bankroll
I'm supposed to be going to Vegas in a couple weeks,
and I'm like, that's the first thing you know
is not to play poker when you go to Vegas,
because there's guys who just do that all day long,
every day type of thing,
and they're just waiting for people to come to town.
Someone like us.
Yeah, exactly.
Who've played on their iPad a couple times
and think they can do something.
So I'll just play blackjack
because I don't have to you
know and there's a lot of people that way there's there's like there's a handful of girls handful of
uh of uh trans folk and then there's um and then the one girl she hasn't done in a while but she
used to just put on a whole fuck show during the hangout she'd like break out with sex toys and
get naked and i think she just likes being naked in front of people so and and my favorite part of it is like okay she's cute or whatever but and it's cool that she's naked but Taylor
gets so awkward and like uncomfortable so guys let's uh because all the guys shut up right because
there's a girl like masturbating and and like it's hard to have a normal conversation and taylor's like any new magic cards coming out anytime soon uh hey is that a
vetchkin guy did he uh anything to try to get away anyone i'll do i'll do trans bobby hill
i'll do any character just stop doing this
and kyle's right every every time it happens i can see see Kyle staring at what I know
is my square.
On the little screen.
Because he's right.
The fucking will start and I'll be like,
oh, nah.
Anyone want to talk about it?
Because I feel like I'm not the only one who
wants to make some jokes.
Awkward death.
That sort of thing doesn't make me feel awkward in the slightest i
think it's funny uh any of you are all happy you can fuck on the show i'm fine yeah anybody i mean
as long as everybody in that and there's of age you know one two three one two three no he's i'm
not losing him i'm not as long as you're my internet no worries but yeah as long as you're
of age and you get in get in Get naked. I'm hoping that...
I won't say her name.
There's a cute girl in there.
She should get naked some.
But I think she's got some chitlins or something in the background.
I've seen her with some little ones.
And I'm guessing there's a whole family scenario, right?
Could be.
Could be.
Excellent.
You never know.
No.
When you do this, when you do that is it like a hundred guys a hundred boxes no
we do them 25 at a time so 22 people and the three and that sounds at first that sounds like too much
but they're only gonna be talked to one of the three of us so that's two of us that are always
shut the fuck shutting the fuck up and 20 of them are just lurkers anyway they just want to like
be there so now you're only dealing with like 15 guys just lurkers anyway. They just want to be there. So now you're only
dealing with 15 guys who want to talk
and you just have to make sure they take turns.
And Woody loves
to make sure people take
their goddamn turn. He's a stickler about it.
Goose steps
into every hangout ready to bring
in the law.
Out of nowhere, Woody would be
like, alright motherfucker, get mutedimmy thinks he's the main
character or something and i'll be like damn i didn't even hear him say anything no he never will
it is almost all people are like woody i've been waiting for you he's been building up of all of
us have resentment about this guy you know he been telling his dumbass, boring story for too long.
They'll be like, hey, Kyle, I'd like your recommendation on this.
And then there's Jimmy answering the question on your behalf.
No one wants that.
They paid to hear Kyle.
He might be there specifically to get that question answered by Kyle.
Silly Jimmy.
Ben Hamer is a powerful mistress.
Feel that power.
What's really annoying is, like I mentioned,
a lot of those guys are interesting in those ways.
So maybe if the boxer were there, I might ask him,
hey, man, when you throw that hook, when are you turning your foot?
Because I can't make it feel right.
And then Jimmy would be like, ah, let me tell you about this,'t that like jimmy jimmy you played punch out 10 years ago i'm talking
and we asked the israeli tank commander why a certain kind of tank was about superior
was superior for like his type of fighting over the abrams This is one of the few people on the fucking planet that have
the answer. He fights
an Israel in this tank.
This dude tried to interrupt him
and answer for him.
I was like, dude, dude, dude, dude. I'm asking
the tank commander the tank
question, you motherfucker.
I read on Google.
I read on Google. He might be wrong.
He was literally quoting Wikipedia stuff.
He's going to do some History Channel bullshit
when I'm talking to the man.
I remember this.
It was about tank mobility and the different roles
that different tanks have, like why American tanks
need to travel a lot and Israeli tanks
are kind of meant as almost stationary
artillery. They don't travel very well.
Different missions.
We even specified like, you know we're not actually looking for the technical googleable details we want
the inside info from a guy who drives them like that's more of the interesting fun thing
like you can hear the squeaks you can hear the squeaks of tank treads over here and this guy's
interrupting that hey hey could you turn the tank treads down so i can answer the tank question your tank's really loud it's hard for me to interject my
answer and we even get some jokes in we're like and how does it fare against the dangerous
palestinian children yes when they're coming at you they're coming at you with a handful of pebbles how do you feel safe that's rough no but he likes it honestly
i would have asked him if that fury was realistic for that time i think we did talk about fury a bit
that's a good question yeah that movie is so i never hear about it i never hear anybody talk
about it that was a great movie really shia labeouf being a lunatic and like refusing to bathe and getting that far into it okay maybe too much but i'd rather see that than
him like showing up with the latte like not like making continuity errors yeah well when they had
that battle in the field with the three three versus one yeah and they were like shells bouncing
off certain tanks and stuff and you know what i mean like i thought like that's
one of the greatest tank scenes i've seen in a movie and i'd like i'd love to know if that was
realistic or not it's not realistic at all real especially all that you know there's all that
tracer fire and stuff uh yeah i don't think that's realistic at all i think there's i'm not the one
to ask that again we're talking about like asking people who know what the fuck they're talking
about i saw one of those youtube videos though where they like ask a tank guy to rate oh yeah and how realistic they are and i want to say he
didn't he i think he liked the scene but he didn't love that like something about it maybe i remember
something about the tracers uh and then maybe something about like oh it was being it was it
was remaining like stationary in the tank like for the duration of time they did was ridiculous
something like that i think I really enjoy those videos
yeah when they have weird guys
seals and all that stuff
yeah I like those but sometimes they give
away some of that movie magic though
yeah that's true but I like
anything that I don't
know enough about I'm always
I remember what XJaws used to call his
information diet he forever made
that lame to say that but like today i was like you know what i got too many bullshit apps on my
tv i'm gonna download pbs and uh um what was the other one i got i got pbs documentaries and i got
curiosity streams okay and now i have access to like so much i i learned a lot today we're gonna
we're gonna we're gonna step up uh they're like it's like educational fucking programming and documentaries and stuff um i i don't know
i've been learning about evolution all fucking day and how we're all related to fish i tried so hard
to find a good website to actually get what flat earthers believe because for a long time like i've
had the idea that it would be really fun to go through that in a silly way. It is fucking impossible because you'll get two pages into reading from some guy and then he'll say something like, you can tell it's not round because grapes are.
And you're like, God damn it.
I got hoodwinked again by someone who's lying.
OK, I got to find a real one of these guys and see what he actually believes.
But you keep if you try and read anything from these people, you get deep and your only conclusion can be this person's fucking with me you know this
person does not believe what they're pretending to believe like i want a real flat earth guy and
i can't fucking find a good one i saw a drawing recently or a 3d representation and you have the
earth is a disc a flat disc with a hole in the middle like a record player. Like a record, rather.
It's spinning. In the center where that hole is, is the sun
and it's bobbing up and down
above the horizon and below.
I'm like, you
think that that is simpler
than balls going around each
other.
They got a whole fucking thing over there.
I genuinely believe the same thing about them as
i do the fake the birds aren't real people they're i think they're trolls i think that when you talk
about them they think it's funny they're like see they think that we think eddie bravo you think
he's faking i think that you also have a few people along the way who are hoodwinked by it and become like super believers but those
are the those are the um like like like like exceptions to the exception not the rule yeah i
think the average like flat earther the average birds aren't real guy they don't believe in that
shit and i even believe the gang stalking thing i think that this the worst part about the gang
stalking thing is you've got mentally ill people who believe they're being stalked everywhere
by red cars one day, blue cars
the other. Guys with
blue tennis shoes are stalking me. See, there's
one and there's one. Saw one at the laundromat,
one at the post office. The problem with
the people that I think are going along with that
and making it seem more prevalent than it really is
is the people who are actually insane
are getting reinforced.
There's a crazy guy who's like i really did get stalked by three red cars today because he's insane so when he goes online and
sees like some just confirmation really it was blue cars in san diego and like seeing this guy
yeah west coast i hear they're blue you know and. And then they start going with their craziness.
That's a problem.
But I like to believe the best about people,
and I like to believe that not as many people are stupid
or as stupid as we're generally led to believe.
I like to think that there's a lot of people out there
who if you stuck that microphone in their face
and asked them these questions, they'd be like,
no, of course not.
The world isn't fucking flat.
Like,
I don't remember who figured it out or how,
but I know it's two balls circling each other or some shit.
Right.
Like 99% of the time.
Okay.
Why would you be the flower?
Okay.
For example,
does everyone here think that we went to the moon?
Yeah.
Seems likely,
but you should see the guys who think we have not been to the moon they're so
convinced that we've not been to the moon like i had this debate on facebook the other day and
you could not i could not give any scenario or article or factual information that this guy
would believe you know what i mean and it's like there's a lot of people like that though right and it's like i don't know there's a lot of crazy out there and a lot of russians the russians
would have called us out and and like just the other day the chinese sent a craft up to the moon
i don't know if it landed or not but it orbited and they took fucking pictures of the goddamn
landing site the chinese took pictures of our landing site and were like, oh look, America's landing site. Did they wreck it?
No, they just flew over it and took some goddamn pictures.
They just flew over it. They didn't land or anything.
They wouldn't wreck it. That'd be a problem.
They know better than to go fucking with our flag on the goddamn moon.
I was thinking how hilarious that would be.
We don't care if they just fucked it up.
They just kicked us all around the place.
What would happen if China
kicked our flag down
on the moon? I wouldn't care. Nothing.
I hope. But it depends on the president. What would happen
if they put their flag next to ours?
And it just became like a...
Over it. Over it. Over it.
Like graffiti. Like Woody was here.
They put it on top of it. You know how...
Now you're doing a thing. I'm just like, what would happen
if they were like, we were here too.
They're going to do a thing, Woody.
They're going to do the exact
same size flag as ours and put
them right next to each other so there's no forced
perspective? No. They're going to put a big honking
Chinese flag over ours.
That's what they do. I'll tell you what we do.
We go up there and we plant a bigger one.
That's what we do.
We go up there and we plant one of those
big honking. If you've ever been to Florida and seen
one of those rebel flags, one of those.
One of those that's meant to be a slap in the face to anybody darker than tan.
Like one of those big boys.
That would be hilarious for an eccentric racist billionaire to put a...
Billionaire?
There's no one on the moon.
I genuinely believe that we would do that.
Well, I meant the South will rise again.
No, I think we genuinely would if the Chinese went up there and planted a bigger flag next to ours.
We're supposedly going to the moon.
I know they say it all the time, but there's like a planned moon mission fairly soon.
They're working on the rocket right now, right?
That's that new bigger rocket.
Three years.
If no one's walking around on the moon, don't care.
I think it's a plan.
Do not care if it's another rover.
Send a guy out if you want me to pay any attention at all.
Well, considering our technology is like 100 times better than when they first did it,
it shouldn't be that much harder.
It should be way easier.
It should be a weekend trip.
That's what I'm saying. It should be
a lot easier to get it done.
Look at the depths we've gone to in the ocean.
All the technology those guys have done.
I don't know.
Frankly, it's pretty embarrassing
to have gone to the moon and not
done it again.
Not done it again in how many years?
NASA lost all their money. Since the early 70s?
Well, the public
lost interest, and there wasn't
a reason to go. The Russians quit, right?
So there wasn't really a reason to go back, because it's not
like in that TV show that we
enjoyed so much. In that TV show
we liked so much that they find
a rare and valuable resource
on the moon. So that really fuels
this, oh, we've got to get a base up there
and a mining operation, and then we gotta
find a way to truck the shit back to Earth
and it's... But we didn't find anything
but dirt, you know?
And it's real expensive to go.
Very.
The moon must just be made of
worthless shit.
It's a rock.
For no one to care to go up there, they must be like,
yeah, this is just a rock all the way through who fucking cares it's shit we're not like nazis at the center of it
you see that weird space nazis that's a good movie nazis are at the center of the moon
they're on the dark side of the moon they're on the bad side of the moon
yeah i mean if they successfully pulled off an escape like that, you got to hand it to them.
Like this.
Hilarious.
Anyone who took control of the dark side of the moon,
you're like, all right, fuck.
I guess we didn't get all the best scientists for NASA.
It's called like Iron Moon or something like that.
There's a couple of them. They get more ridiculous.
By the second or third one,
I know that they're riding a Tyrannosaurus
with machine guns.
That happened.
Didn't they already have that?
There's a Robo-Hitler 2, I think, maybe.
It's a wacky, kind of fun movie.
Robo-Hitler?
Robo-Hitler.
Or maybe like a Mega-Hitler.
I don't remember which.
A Mecha-Hitler?
A Hitler-Mech.
Yeah, that'd be cool.
If they're getting the budget to make it, why not? You know i i would like us to go back to me i've been saying forever like
like we watched this show called um help me woody for all mankind and and and the idea is that the
russians beat us to the moon and we were like fuck that shit and we we kept going and now it's about
first woman on the moon and first fucking like base on the moon and
we're going to mars in the 90s and like the whole history of the u.s the world soviets it's all
different and as i watch it i get sad because their world's better than ours their world's
not just a little bit better than ours it's a it's 10 years ahead technologically. And as far as race relations, gays in the military, all that's advanced too.
We're socially more advanced and we're technologically more advanced.
And it's a world that I would have liked to have lived in, but never got to happen.
They're going to Mars in the mid-90s.
Because the country has to come together to make it happen.
It looked like technology pushed it a little farther.
I want to say maybe it's the 80s and telecommunications
is really good. They're doing FaceTime on CRT
screens. There's just a bunch of tech that's
better than we have. The biggest thing is the discovery of that resource
on the moon to make clean, free energy with fusion.
They have fusion. I haven't got there yet.
Yeah. Can we not do
fusion? No, we can do fission, right?
Yes. Yes. We can't do
fusion. Well, we can do fusion for
a little while. Yeah, but we can't
do it in like a sustainable
way. Right.
Wait, aren't those even
fizzle bombs?
Like not fusion bombs? The fizzle bombs? Like, not fusion bombs?
Are there fusion bombs?
The fizzle bombs, yeah.
So the bombs that they dropped in World War II,
those first two, the plutonium and the uranium,
those were fission bombs.
But I believe that the modern bombs,
the thermonuclear weapons,
the hydrogen bombs, are fusion bombs.
Nasty stuff.
Man, we should have stopped after like cannons
okay guys let's take a break
let's take it down to match
guys everything after this we're going into aesthetic
you can make them look cooler you can't make them
and that's the
honorable
did you know this with like
the kingdom of England back in the day
middle ages
they invented the crossbow europe invented the crossbow and the united kingdom for so many years
they dominated through the use of their longbowmen tactically they were brilliant at that and they
had the best trained archers in the history of the world and or the best trained standing archers
you know in the history of the world not the the mounted ones. But that's what they would do.
It's fucking so interesting.
What they need to do is remake the movie The Day After.
Do you remember that?
Ooh, I remember that as a kid. See, we're older.
That was scary.
The Day After is a nuclear war movie that came out on TV in the 80s, I think.
And that scared a lot of people back in like people were committing suicide after that movie aired really yeah yeah yeah huge thing
the cold war was a huge thing and the the idea of nuclear war was very real it was 83 they would do
you know drills in school sometimes i didn't personally i don't know
but uh nuclear war just dominated the national conversation but i think it needs to happen again
because people are you know they're all ready for war and stuff and they don't realize what
they think it's going to be a cold war and they don't realize what would happen in like a hot
war they think okay i'll just go in my basement and nuke happen. You know what I mean?
Those thermonuclears,
whatever they did in Hiroshima and Nagasaki,
the stuff they have now
would make that stuff look like
fire.
You can see the Tsar bomb.
Didn't Russia make the Tsar bomb
60 years ago? And even that was
300 times bigger
than Fat Man or Little Boy. Yeah, than a fat man or a little boy.
Yeah.
And they need to make her,
they need to make a remake of a movie to scare people back and rally.
Oh,
there's an even worse one called threads from the UK when it was like a
nuclear attack.
And I showed the after effect of,
you know,
people like having mutant babies and they're like,
and they're trying to dig down the soil.
Like, like, I don't know.
I think people need to be scared back into reality again.
Everyone's a little too comfy right now.
Like, oh, we're going to take on China.
It's like, bro, like, seriously.
Oh, yeah.
We'd scared a little bit.
Being like, yeah, we'll take on China and Russia and North Korea and the Philippines.
It's like, stop adding countries.
These are real places with hundreds of millions of people
and real militaries.
We have one hand tied behind our back.
We may still be the most powerful,
but I don't feel like the gap is as large as it was
in the past century between us and China, Russia.
And we weren't the most powerful.
Well, like we won World War II by ourselves,
but a big part of winning World War II was our production capability. And Russia. And we weren't the most powerful well, like we won World War II by ourselves but a big part of winning World War II
was our production capability.
And Russia.
And Russia. If we were to fight
them again, do we still have that manufacturing
capability? No.
We have no manufacturing.
That's what I'm getting at, right? What kind of war are you
even talking about there, right?
The kind where you need goods and pieces.
Are we going to bomb their cities? Are they going to be able to bomb ours? Is that what you're talking about though right like are we kind of where you need goods and are they gonna are we gonna bomb their cities are they going to be able to bomb ours well that's that we're talking about
is the pentagon gonna get struck will the will the will uh will you know like what kind of war
are you talking i mean if we bomb their cities they're gonna bomb ours if they bomb our cities
we're gonna bomb theirs that's how i don't think i'm not sure they i'm not outside of their like
icbms i'm not sure they can do anything.
This Ukrainian thing has made them look like a third rate power, not like a near peer.
They don't strike me.
They don't strike me as the people who could come over here and cause us any problems anymore.
Like there's a very small group of people who can.
Right.
I mean, they have Iraq was a problem.
It was like, all right.
You don't think they're missing the reaches.
They have nukes and they're the only country with more nukes than
us right well if you're talking about mutually assured destruction right where everybody shoots
their nukes off well that's a different story right yeah we're talking about like any other
kind of war you're talking about conventional war the u.s beats russia yeah nobody wants the
world i will say though that the u.s will have a hard time beating
russia in russia just the logistics is very difficult it's 150 million people there we're
already there what are you invading russia we're gonna do that we're gonna bomb them until they
can't that's what i'm saying that'd be really hard to do i i believe that we would bomb russia until
they had no means of making war outside of their nukes aside that we could bomb russia until they had no means of making war outside of their nukes
aside that we could bomb russia until they had no means of making war anymore we're already there
don't talk about getting there we're there now we're right you're not talking nukes yeah of
course yeah yeah if we were just like they wouldn't have an air force to we would have their skies
and that's how that war would go if they fought a conventional war with us they would never fight a conventional war with us but i agree with kyle 100 good idea the the war with
the uk i thought they would have taken ukraine in like a week easy but what's what's the situation
what's how much of ukraine do they have the ukraine they not have ukraine is at currently
ukraine is uh doing a big offensive push in the south and they've asked people not to post anything on social media.
So there's been a little bit of a blackout.
I'm sure people respect that.
They are.
This has been one of those few times when everybody's like, yeah, we'll keep it on the down low internationally.
And there's no footage coming out.
Anybody who would share the footage normally suppresses it.
So there's no troop movements really getting out.
Bro, I was seeing Ukraine footage on TikTok.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Guys going there and filming on TikTok and putting on some Russians, Ukraine strikes on Russian tanks and everything.
I was seeing everything.
I was seeing everything.
And now it's quiet.
So he must be right.
Yeah.
Russia is saying the counteroffensive was a huge failure in Reuters.
And so what incentive do they have to lie
i saw that gorbachev was gorbachev was denied a state funeral he died in 91 uh a couple days ago
putin denied him a state funeral and refused to go wow wow gorbachev he was relevant a little
before i was born.
He ended the Cold War and and God knows how many we might not be here without Gorbachev.
No, I was right. I was born in 91. Yeah. Yeah. He was relevant a little before I was born.
I remember that. Again, we might not be here had it not been for the steady hand of Gorbachev being able to talk to his American peers.
Oh, I was saying like that's like he hasn't been relevant in a while, and of course Putin
would hate that.
He's not going to give him any honors.
That's not surprising.
He's not the one
who's saying what you're saying.
He's not Weinstein.
Yeah, he is the Weinstein head guy.
Why is it that because he hasn't been relevant
in a while, Putin would be less likely
to give him a state funeral?
I was making a joke about how, oh my God, Gorbachev dying, how relevant. that because he hasn't been relevant in a while Putin would be less likely to give him a state funeral I don't see the oh I
was making a joke about how like oh my
God Gorbachev dying how relevant and then
the secondary thing was like yeah like we shouldn't
be surprised Putin wouldn't give him a good funeral
like he tried to normalize relations
with the West as much as he could and
so Putin would see that as like fuck you
dude like no you're not getting anything from me
he lost the Soviet Union
the Soviet Union died under Gorbachev.
Yeah, because they were starving.
That's why Gorbachev did it. So Putin would
abhor that. Yeah, yeah.
Putin's pro-Soviet Union.
Yes, absolutely he is.
I'm a Russian Empire. That's what he's doing right now.
He's fighting to pull a little bit of gang
back together. Yeah, it's not going
so well. It's not going so well. No, we're
in the beginning of the
movie where putin shows up to belarus and belarus is shooting hoops and he's like i've got a job
for you and then he stopped shooting and he goes oh i'm in and then that's the way it goes then he
hits up lithuania estonia well i don't think lithuania estonia and latvia are actually that
that stoked on this going on but those are those teeny little countries up there and they kind of
just do what their neighbors tell them to do frankly like they like what kind of military
does lithuania oh i got like i i want to get to this so so woody will be my uh lip lip tard fact
checker um so i know about do you know about biden's do you know anything about biden's
daughter's supposed diary being leaked and smuggled around?
Not at all.
So here is a terribly inaccurate layout of what has happened.
Here's the facts, folks.
Apparently, a diary that belonged to Biden's daughter was stolen and then offered to the Trump campaign at one point.
The Trump campaign said,
we don't want to touch that.
That is a crime.
You should call the FBI or something like that.
Or maybe even they called the FBI.
Can I pause you?
Yeah.
His daughter's probably old, right?
Is she like 60?
If he's 100.
Stolen property, nonetheless.
Someone stole her shit and is selling it.
Roger that.
All right.
I just imagined a 13-year-old when you said diary.
He's a 61-year-old.
I have a crush at someone at work.
Well, it's a little bit more in there than that, supposedly.
So the diary, what I've read is that the diary talks about
how she and her father took showers together
far after it was appropriate to do so.
And then there was something else that was really weird.
She was like 21.
38.
That's what I read.
I was hoping that you were going to be the guy who was like, ah.
But what's interesting, and man, I wish I had my facts straight.
I read this earlier.
Unheard of.
my facts straight but like i read this earlier unheard of no it was something about how um the fact that that like biden or or they're like actively going after this guy and it's like by
doing so they're kind of doing that thing trump did and they're admitting that that is her diary
like like by making an issue of it they're not saying that's not her diary they're saying that
is stolen you know they're going with that uh move how old was the shower
talk like what she was like a fucking 13 year old showering i read was far after an appropriate age
so two people have pled guilty to a scheme to sell the diary
was i molested oh they're being caught i she said, I think so. Yeah, I'm reading it. Was I molested?
I think so.
I can't remember specifics, but I do remember trauma.
I remember not liking the, what's that word?
Wheels axe house.
I remember somewhat being sexualized with Caroline.
I remember someone's written around the thing.
being sexualized with caroline i remember someone's written around the thing friends and a young age showers with my dad probably not appropriate yeah i don't know there's some weird
stuff in there i remember not liking the woolsax house that sounds like a last name yeah who were
the woolsax bunch of creeps seemingly uh i remember being does what does that say
sex with friends at a young age
can you read that word
it's right it's sort of covered by the circle
the bottom circle yeah that does say
sex with friends but what's the word before it
I remember being is to me
but yeah being sex
with friends at a young
age
that says showers to you.
I see.
Yeah, that's showers with my dad.
Probably not appropriate.
Oh, are you guys having trouble reading this?
I can read it for you.
Yeah, go ahead.
Do your best.
Show me.
Yeah.
Let me pull it up.
Grade and showing the boys my underpants hypersexualized at a young age.
What does this do to was i molested i think so
i can't remember specifics but i do remember trauma i remember not liking the woolsax house
i remember somewhat being sexualized with caroline i remember being sex with friends
or having i'm sorry that says having i remember having sex with friends at a young age showers
with my dad probably not appropriate being turned on when I wasn't supposed to be, I
and that's the end. Oh, well done.
That being turned on when I wasn't supposed to be,
I couldn't put that together at all.
Yeah, that sounds like someone who was sexually
abused. You're not seeing the image, but there's
a circle around relevant parts and that
circle covers the words, so
you really struggle to read. You got me,
I can read it. Taylor reads
this. He's 30, but he reads on like a 33-year-old level. so you really struggle to read. You got me. I can read it. Taylor Reid.
He's 30, but he reads on a 33-year-old level.
The lady who posted this is a Trump person, right?
Certainly.
Probably.
I would imagine so.
I can't imagine someone from the Biden camp
being like, look how silly.
No, what I'm saying,
I'm in as opposed to a third party, just like a how silly this is like no what i'm saying i'm in as opposed to like a
a third party like just like a random reporter or something like that yeah yeah it's actually
worked oh there's more pages um yeah i i don't know it like i've always said that
by handwriting jumps out at me as very consistent for a young person though
like is that yeah i don't know i don't know fucking i've always thought biting
was real creepy look we saw him smell that little girl we've all seen the president of the united
states smell a little girl and you cannot there's no word full stop you know there's nothing he loves
smelling girls you don't you you don't need to take anything out or add anything to the sentence
i just said and we're all sitting here like it's fucking normal.
We saw the president of the United States smell a young girl.
It was fucking weird.
And we've seen him pinch him and stuff and be weird with little girls and other women in public.
In a weird, creepy old man way that none of us do.
I would not put my hands on a woman.
If I touched a woman and she recoiled, I'm not reaching for more.
And he is.
You've seen him do it.
It's so great.
These people who are just so powerful for so long, they forget boundaries.
You can see it with so fucking many of them.
They don't expect normal relations to apply to them.
They've been treated with kid gloves and treated so specially for so long it had so
much power and been paid a salary from us to take bribes from companies and then enforce their will
instead of the people's that's how people who make 160 grand a year are worth 80 million dollars
it's not from prudent investment it's from pay to play do you see pelosi's prudent investment
recently yeah i bet i bet she hit the nail on the head again.
Was it Tesla?
Well, if you said yes.
Yeah, I can't remember her specific name,
but I know that she put a whole bunch of...
Or was it a chip company?
Maybe it was NVIDIA.
She got out of NVIDIA.
She bought NVIDIA, the chip stack passed, and then she got out of NVIDIA when they bought NVIDIA. The chips act passed.
And then she got out of NVIDIA
when they put some restriction on it or something.
So she wrote it on the way up and got out before it sank.
She is a savvy investor.
I do dislike the way Republicans are doing this towards Pelosi
as though it's Pelosi.
It's like every one of you fuckers is doing this.
All of them.
Every single one of you is a multimillionaire making $145,000 a year at most because you're not the fucking president.
So fuck you.
Fuck all of them.
They're all lying.
And then Tucker will get on there or Maddow will get on there and be like, oh, Trump's doing this.
Oh, Pelosi's doing this.
Yeah, they're all doing it.
Remember when the Panama Papers came out and it came out that every wealthy celebrity every wealthy hyper wealthy athlete every influential politician
all of them were hiding money overseas and not fucking paying taxes how long was that story
three days it was pretty rare for americans to be doing it because they had such beneficial tax
structures in the first place like american corporations weren't in the panama because we
were already like a lot of american individuals
were though were they i need to i need to brush up on my facts i could be wrong i'm not gonna find it
um there's a uh there's a website of a guy who actually tracks all of congress people's uh
trading's actions i can't find it now because of course I'm under pressure, but he actually tracks all of Congress because it's all public.
You can see what people in public and Congress invest into.
You know how mutual funds do different things.
All of them are.
This mutual fund mirrors the S&P.
This mutual fund is for people who think that like,
we're going to get more globalized.
It's more international based.
This mutual fund is a sin fund.
Those are fucking hilarious.
Oh, we just do cigarettes and gambling mostly.
This mutual fund is the opposite,
where we invest in companies
that are environmentally responsible.
I want a mutual fund that mirrors Nancy Pelosi.
Just we track what she does
and you can do what she does.
It should be the congressperson average
index.
You just invest in
exactly what these fucking crooks
invest in on average.
That would be great. That'd be wonderful.
Even better, we should put them all in jail.
No, no, no, your first idea was better.
I just want money.
I mean, y'all got mad.
You got mad when they showed up with the guillotine
everybody oh they're oh it's the end of the world and here you are like oh we should just get them
and kill them they were trying and you stayed at home like a coward they needed you taylor
on those steps your mass your mass at the front of that crowd could have driven oh june 6th
oh dude of course dude i'm at the front of the crowd.
You would have been immortalized
in paintings a hundred years from now.
Just this.
Just you.
You know what would be horrifying?
Being at the front of that, being pushed by the people
behind you and be like,
I'm here for a bit!
It's a bit!
Don't push me in.
No,
I don't want to go to,
I don't want to go to Guantanamo and be raped by CIA agents for the rest of my life.
Like Trump said,
Trump said,
if he's elected,
not only,
um,
that will,
well,
he looked favorable that he's going,
Trump said,
if he's elected,
he's going to,
uh,
pardon those who,
who have been convicted for January six.
I'm going to pardon them. He could have
pardoned them while he was president, just saying.
And I didn't because of my talk.
No, actually.
They're only being charged now.
How is he going to pardon them for something in the future? That's what I'm saying,
yeah. You can pardon people for things
they're not charged with yet. Not when you're out of
office. He was in office.
He was in January 20th. You can pardon
people for things they haven't done yet. You 20th pardon people for things they haven't done
yet you can definitely pardon people for things they haven't you can preemptively pardon things
for the not charged that's such a drag you shouldn't be able to do that that's a good power
look we all know things this is a thing i know and uh and uh also he had been he was president for 14 more days after January 6th.
Yeah.
Something like that.
Close.
16 days.
They should not be able to do that.
Well, all I know is that whole thing's been such a fucking nightmare.
I can't believe this whole thing happened.
But we're in an alternate universe.
We really are.
There's another universe floating along where everybody's happy and trump wasn't president there wasn't a fucking game of
thrones ended the right fucking way dude literally it came alive 2012 that started
that other universe that other universe fixed one-man army noob tubes.
Yep.
This is the price of our arrogance.
There you go.
Of thinking that we can just run up Harry.
Nice. You just go.
Got the instructions in there and everything.
I've got mine upstairs too.
You just said you didn't like it.
I felt bad throwing it away.
It seems like you didn't throw it away.
I thought you'd make a video where you put it in a lawnmower and blew it up
or something.
I shot it with a shotgun in each hand.
I had to explain that to them before they would let me in that Superbowl
commercial.
They were pissed.
They were going to cut me out until we showed them how much playtime I had
in cod for.
I was,
they were like,
you got the commercial. Congrats. I was like, was like fuck yeah oh wait we found a call of
duty hate video that's that's how that's what they called it is they're like did you do a call
of duty hate video like you say hate crime and i'm like i don't like a thousand of them really
you know your game's gonna suck and then apparently you like and i'm like oh yeah that's
right i'm immediately like privating the video. On your phone.
But Kitty sent them how many days
played I had in COD 4, and they were
like, oh, all right. Well, he's cool,
man. He must really like the games. We get it.
And that's what swung us back
the other way. Nice.
Four hours, huh? Unbelievable amount of play time.
Yeah, he's awesome.
Thank you.
Yeah. All right.
Wolf, anything to add?
Sorry I'm late.
I wanted to get into a whole conversation of why the full suplex is a
sexual move now, but we'll get into another show.
Go to Wolf Paypal on YouTube and subscribe.
And thanks for having me.
And good to see Harley again, by the way. Yeah. And all you guys. Great guy. Yeah. good to see Harley again by the way
and all you guys
yeah good to see you again we'll get that story next time
very soon