Painkiller Already - PKA 639 W/ Wolf: Belle Delphine Collab, Milking Jordan Peterson, Wolf Meets Trump
Episode Date: March 18, 2023...
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pka 639 with our guest wolf taylor this episode of pka brought to you by lock and load real dbg.com
wonky weeds and of course blue chew we'll hear more about them later we'll thank you so much
for joining us i thought that was a good professional one thank you so much for joining
us i thought you were thanking blue for sponsoring us because they love that. Welcome to NPR's PKA, Wolf.
Since last time we spoke.
Wolf, I watched Chris Rock's routine, and he's like,
I like to date girls my age, by which I mean 10 to 15 years younger than me.
And I was like, I know a guy like that.
Do you know any guys that aren't like that?
He's like, I didn't get fit and he's like i didn't
stay in shape and get rich to date women my own age no no no kyle i think you're right most men
are like that but not me i'm what's called a grave robber i i go for women who are so close
to the end that it turns me right yeah cougars are fun, bro.
But we're not talking Cougars.
We're not talking Cougars.
We're talking Gills?
Imagine a Cougars grandma.
We're talking
Miami Beach Jewish
granny who's got like
eight, nine million in the bank
and she needs that kitty eating.
With a son addiction.
Finances in the great depression
that's the age i look i ask you to crawl get down there and uh get that wrinkly coin purse of hers
moist yeah she still calls hitler that whippersnapper that's you like that corinthian
leather feel oh yeah definitely like a fine i like my women like like a fine handbag that ricardo montalban
like a fine corinthian leather yeah that's a that's a real deep cut there ricardo montalban
of star trek and that's of course play baby con and ron he was in this uh this this commercial
for a car i believe the car was a cordoba and he's like uh the new cordoba the fanciest car for the most unique
european gentleman with its fine corinthian leather fine corinthian and you know they're
panning shots of this like old ass car with some brown leather seats and you're like fuck that was
stylish back then that would get you had they like that wait in star trek they were impressed by like
the no no no two separate things the actor did both
things but but but he was in a commercial for a vehicle in real life and he may put he has that
voice and he went on about the fine corinthian leather but he was also like con and wrath of
con which is that was a no fantasy island highlight days yeah i was gonna say this isn't a con thing
this is a fantasy island thing that's where he got his reputation for the better things the finer things kyle said this car will get you
head and my mind went racing i was like do cars actually get you head yeah and then i remembered
yeah when i lived in apex my neighbors saw kyle's camaro and wanted to fuck him so yes stacy she's probably of age now
she's not he was my i mean in in north carolina technically she is
um no like you don't even need that nice of a car i can't imagine what it's like if
you pull up in a car that costs as much as two houses and you're like get in because you can
pull up in a fifty thousand dollar car and say get in if you're decent looking and some women will
now look you're not gonna marry this lady but she's gonna be your companion for the evening
you know what i mean like like like there's been plenty of times when just she know that
like yeah she knows that what do you think we're getting we're settling down i don't even know her
name here's where i was going with that if i'm a hot 24 year old right like i'm a smoking hot 24
year old girl and you have an amazing car i don't want to ride in that car i'm not attracted to the
car because i like cars or that maybe it's kind of
cool.
It's not enough for me to fuck you.
I might be,
but what if I'm a hot 24 year old girl,
I'm more fiscally minded.
I see a guy who might have money just pouring off of him.
Do I want shoes?
Do I want a new purse?
You know,
if we're going out,
Hey daddy,
will you get me this,
that,
or the other thing?
But wait, are you a 25 year, that, or the other thing?
But wait, are you a 25-year-old guy with a Bugatti?
I'm a 24-year-old girl.
A Bugatti.
A Bugatti.
It's not about how much money you have.
It's about how much money you give me.
Not according to Andrew Tate, but I got that.
That's cool. I don't know the whole formula of it because I've only picked up women in a car as me.
For all I know,
it wouldn't have worked
if I weren't me
for whatever reasons.
I don't know. Sometimes I'll just be
somewhere and a girl
will say, oh, I like your car.
As a man,
if a woman pays you a compliment, take notice.
She's not a gearhead.
She doesn't have Moto Trend on her toilet back at home, okay?
No, what you want to do is start artistically quizzing her on Carfax.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
Are you into cars?
Well, then tell me five types.
You like my car huh what
comes with the zr1 package huh exactly just as i thought a liar and a cheat and you leave
yeah leave her at the time how about this kyle a little competition how about like this would be
like a 2004 mtv style reality show you remember it was kind of hog wild back then. So they take all these suave guys
who are like absolute killers,
lady killers, not murderers.
And it's like, it shows like the intro
is obviously them picking up women
in like nice cars.
But the challenge is that they have
to now pick up women
in a windowless white van.
That's the only car they're allowed to drive.
And they cannot pick up women
not sitting in the
driver's side with an arm leaning out wearing what do we call picking up getting her in with
you to let go uh like like getting throated by her oh okay well i mean you're gonna need a
prostitute for that like it's gonna be very difficult to know it's just getting them into
the car obviously it's a real it's a real game yeah um no i don't know it was wild back then and then
quickly they realized that they couldn't be that wild and they started faking it and nobody noticed
i'll tell you the exact moment it happened it was in a little show called scare tactics hosted by
shannon doherty of melrose 90210 fame maybe beverly hills 90210 thanks those were before
my time melrose place was the other anyway
carry on yeah so um in that show it was a hidden camera show where they essentially set up horror
movie scenarios against people who were unsuspecting so dracula would actually show up with fucking
like special effects and in a setting where you could it was vaguely believable at work at the very least you
would think that psychos were there to kill you sure so that they you would be hired to be like
they would hire you one of the ways they would get you you'd be there you'd be hired for a new job
and they'd sign you up on their payroll and put you somewhere as like a maintenance man or something
and they had this one guy um in a place i think this might have been one of the fake ones but i
can't remember for sure but they had him in a place that was supposedly like a research lab where they were testing on
animals and stuff. And they took a little person, a midget, and they put him in a rat costume.
And they did his face up so well that even when you look at it in bright light, you're like,
wait, wait, what? What the fuck are you you like like you can't really tell like it really
looks like some fucked up shit you can't tell i promise you taylor like like zach maybe can find
the picture of him anyway the guy is a very effeminate gay man and he's and he's terrified
of the rat creature that's clearly in the back of the lab rustling around behind the cabinets
and he's like are you are you okay little man
little man are you because it'll like it goes like screeches at him and shit it i used to be a man
what they had i can't remember the exact one um where it happened i know there was a big lawsuit
suit over like injuries and stuff because what people would do when they're putting that fight or flight situation they always expect them to run and be ah they put this one guy in a car
here's the scenario the scenario is the scenario is called the hitcher basically you've probably
seen this and that is scary that's messed up you got the whole body because he's like gimped up
like a little person with the short limbs and stuff and they got his whole body in a thing and it was scary to the person and it looked real to me as a kid for sure
like yeah look at that you see how it moved dude that thing came out of nowhere and he thinks he's
like a maintenance man at a research lab like it was that's a pretty funny game so that one's funny
that's the show at its best now the show at its the show at its worst is a clip from a thing called The Hitcher.
And basically, a guy is driving, I think there's like an Uber type situation,
and he's driving this dude out to a party.
He thinks he's going outside of Vegas to a party.
He's got like a special invite or something.
I can't remember what the hook was to get him in the car,
but he's in the car thinking he's going to a cool place.
There's a scary guy in the middle of nowhere's going to a cool place the there's a scary like guy in the middle
of nowhere on this lonely road outside vegas hitching and the driver pull the driver's like
i'm gonna get him so now a crazy man's in the car and he's being real weird he's this big dude too
and just the conversation is not going well like immediately you're uncomfortable this dude's in
the car with you you're like shit I wouldn't have given you a ride,
dude.
Damn,
you're this.
And then he's like,
Hey,
pull over and reduce and take care of something.
Pull over.
And he like,
like pulls the emergency brake and like stops the car and he gets out and,
and,
uh,
goes off to piss.
You,
you presume he leaves his bag behind.
He's got kind of like a satchel,
like a bowling bag almost.
And the driver starts fucking with it.
And the Mark, the guy who's not in on any of this shit, is like, no, man, don't fuck with this bag.
He'll be right back.
Don't fuck with this bag.
And when he opens it, flies come out, like real flies.
And they're in the car.
And he's like, what the fuck?
What the fuck?
And it's a human head that looks real enough wrapped in cellophane.
And the cellophane disguises any like fakery. Oh and and so he's like close it close it close it and
he's like get out of here get out of here and at that moment the guy's back and and the guy gets
back in the car the flies are now in the car though dude so as they're driving now there's
this awkward weirdness that the flies are out of the bag and he goes you look in my bag and he's like no man
no no and even the guy in the back's like fuck no we didn't look in your bag that shit wouldn't
be cool i don't it's like you look at my fucking bag and it like escalates escalates and then the
fight starts and the guy in the back comes over the seat and starts pounding our fucking stranger
actor beating his ass and they gotta pull that stop stop it's a
prank bro shit this is scare tactics that's so far a little too far yeah that's a little too far
bro they did an alien it might be the alien abduction that got them sued i can't remember
the specific one but the alien abduction had that sounds way less intense than like a fake human
head i think they had dead bodies in that one and like real aliens and a helicopter
light in the sky type situation yeah it always yeah oh yeah yeah there's there's more so they
did two seasons i think with shannon doherty that's when it's real and then tracy morgan took
over and did like three or four more seasons where it's very much like scripted because they got
sued so it's like yeah it's not as funny then.
And Tracy Morgan's, I like him in some stuff.
I love him at 30 Rock,
but he can't be the host of a goddamn show.
He couldn't do that.
He didn't do that well.
But yeah.
His improv isn't that great to do that.
I liked him in interviews.
He's really good on going off on these ridiculous tangents
and crazy scenarios and stories and stuff.
I just think he has a funny cadence.
That too.
He doesn't need to do anything ever again, though,
after that Walmart truck.
The Walmart thing?
I love that about him.
Just made buku bucks on it.
How hurt is he?
He practically lost a leg.
He doesn't move well.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, I talked about this guy
before. I was on a college tour team
with a guy that was run over by a
street sweeper. I think. It might have been
a trash truck. It was one of those.
And he had a scar on his arm bicep area.
But he was fine.
He was a collegiate swimmer, right?
This is not a guy who's disabled,
really.
I know he got $150,000 as a kid for that injury.
Not that $150,000 makes you rich, but you get that at three.
Yeah, it's a nice place to start, right?
Life has a good head start.
He didn't exit college with any debt.
Did he get it?
Okay.
Because you hear about that with child stars where they make millions.
I guess,
was this like the 70s, 80s? The parents invested, right?
Or they steal it.
I wasn't a parent
to his finances,
but I know that the money
was in his name
and I know that he,
that's how he was
under a trust.
So,
you know,
it wasn't blown or anything.
Yeah.
What do you think
the most successful child star was?
I think it's got to be
the Olsen twins, even though they split it.
Even though they split it, I think that they're still,
meaning they're like double the best child stars.
What else were they in other than Full House and the Olsen twins movies?
They had a set of movies.
So here's the thing.
They had a ton of movies.
I remember those.
When you're producing your own movies, when you're your own studio
and everything, you're top down, own a thing.
When there's no Weinstein Brothers,
there's no Miramax,
you get that Crocodile Dundee money.
That's why Crocodile Dundee,
Paul Hogan,
he made Crocodile Dundee
and released it.
He's made for life
because every dollar that movie made
was going in his fucking pocket.
That wasn't studio-backed?
That was his movie.
That was a very popular movie.
In hindsight, not an expensive movie
to make.
Not the first one. The second one, they go to New York.
Okay.
I said in hindsight, that wasn't an expensive movie
to make. It seemed like a dude with a
camera. There was no big shots. There was no
huge production value.
There was good audio and stuff.
They went back to Australia, grabbed a
transvestite by the known ads.
Yeah, I guess the budget wasn't that high.
I can do that. That's not a man.
I'd do that on a weekend.
I don't know if you can do that
today.
I love stuff like that that you could never make
nowadays.
People say that about
about um tropic thunder but i think they would still i think there'd be a little shit if robert
downey jr did the you're in the same place again you're insane i think you can come back and do it
drawn and quartered no you know what by the way i was right about the olsen twins like as far as
money made when they were kids, they made half a billion.
Jesus.
Yeah, I don't know anyone close to that.
What was that, Wolf?
No, I'm going to say from the black aspect,
there's maybe three times where blackface was acceptable.
And Tropic Thunder was one of them.
Can you think of another?
Gene Wilder.
Oh, you just allowed it for Gene Wilder.
When he did the movie with Richard Pryor?
Was it Stir Crazy or was it
the other one? Is that the one where he's blind
and one of them's blind and one's deaf?
I can't remember. There's one
where it's that? It's really funny. They make great
movies. See no evil, hear no evil is what you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And there was Stir Crazy where he went to prison with him.
And he's going, I'm down.
I'm down.
I'm bad.
You probably won't remember that one.
But there's very few instances where it's acceptable.
I remember hear no evil, see no evil or whatever.
Because I can just still see.
I think Richard Pryor was the blind one.
Because I can kind of have this image of him staring blindly off in space and like yeah bumping into
shit um he's in the train on the subway the girl and he goes i'm black what why didn't you tell me
like some classic material like that it's like steve martin and the jerk you ever seen that one
where oh god he's raised by a black family.
They show him in like,
I don't know,
this Georgia antebellum,
almost black family.
And they're all singing.
I mean,
it's a big family and they're singing with them and he can't keep rhythm
because he's fucking white.
And they're just like,
everybody else is musically talented.
Aretha Franklin might be there. Like, like, uh it's not a clayton bigsby thing he knows
he's white he's not like uh no no he didn't know he's just innocent no he's not even blind he's
just he's like uh he's like babe like that was normal he's a dog yeah they're trying to kill
the cans they're trying to kill the cans that's remember that scene they're trying to kill the cans they're trying to kill the cans that's
you remember that scene they're trying to shoot him and they're he's so goddamn stupid he gets
this job at a filling station a gas a gas station but he's it's it's he's the guy who was who pumps
your gas it's old-timey and i can't remember exactly why but he's pissed off a sniper and
that man is trying to kill him with a sniper rifle from range but he keeps missing and hitting the
oil cans that are there because it's a gas station and he goes oh someone's trying to kill him with a sniper rifle from range, but he keeps missing and hitting the oil cans that are there because it's a
gas station. And he goes, oh, someone's
trying to kill the cans! Run!
And he's just hiding.
Some of that old school humor is
hilarious, bro.
It's like that old Simpsons bit
where they're practicing shooting the cans.
But I think he could come back and do
blackface again and be okay.
I think he could do it. Because Iface again and be okay I have a lot of
Caucasian friends who don't understand the difference
right and I'm telling I was telling them
it's because he was purposely
playing the guy playing the guy
like it was a mockery of himself
playing a black guy and you know what I mean
that was the thing behind it where
and he was believable right
and he did it good
if you gave those lines if you if you like
remove that like third wall or whatever it is like the thing within the thing and you just give those
lines to a black actor you'd have to find a good one bro to be robert downey jr he's so believable
where the commercial where he's talking to the black guy and the black guy goes,
what do you mean, you people? And then Robert Downey
goes, what do you mean, you people?
It was
perfect. You couldn't do that any better.
There's
a lot of this other content. Have you seen
the shit where he's in character
with his black family?
Then they're black people. His black
sons.
Oh, yeah. you showed me that yeah it's pretty
it's like i don't know it's like a behind the scenes maybe yeah or i don't know back then
dvds had lots of extras and i think this might have even been one of them and it's him staying
in character with his black sons and he might and and and it's it's wild because he's being kooky he's like crazed
like like he's talking all sorts of crazy stuff he's on drugs sometimes he's like like got a gun
or a knife to the he's like gonna kill the kid because he thinks the kid's turned into a demon
or something like it's crazy shit he's like sprinkling holy water on one of them maybe he
might do an exorcism it's it's really silly shit i gotta see that that's i love robert downey jr
i wish that oh he's amazing as much as i love him in iron man and i exactly that's what i was
gonna say as much as i liked him doing iron man and making the whole marvel universe work and
happen and and all i need another sherlock holmes movie i like kiss kiss bang bang like like those
type of little movies that he did that's with val kilmer that's a fun movie but i liked him um back in the day as chaplain he was charlie chaplin um but i don't
i don't know that he is still working or if he has this little stuff that i don't catch
what was the movie that the it was a huge pop movie in the 80s and he was it was uh oh
did the same thong for it he was addicted to. It was a whole bunch of rich kids in the movie.
Was it the the Breakfast Club?
No, no, no, no, no.
It was something below zero.
I can't remember now, but it was about him.
Robert Don, you and his group of friends were a whole bunch of rich kids in 90210.
And he was addicted to drugs.
And it was like a very cool movie.
And I'm not thinking it was a great movie
back then. Is Rob Lowe in it too maybe?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I just don't remember the name. That's kind of a
genre movie that I don't like, like those
80s like pretty boy movies.
But that was a
hardcore movie back then, like it wasn't a
90210, it wasn't a teen
scene movie.
It was almost like a requiem of a dream type
movie back then yeah that's one of those movies you only watch once or i only watch one the movie
is so depressing it is i watched my roommates um when i was like 19 they're like 24 and i guess my
my boy did was just giving me a film class because we watched just disturbing films, really.
He was like, we watched Irreversible,
which is just horrible.
And then after that, we watched...
What's the gay movie with Heath Ledger and Gyllenhaal?
Brokeback Mountain.
We watched Brokeback Mountain, and it's like, fuck.
Both of those movies are very good.
For those of y'all who have never seen Brokeback Mountain, it ends with a fucking hate crime. Your boy just gets beaten to death. It's like, fuck. Both of those movies are very good. For those of y'all who have never seen Brokeback Mountain,
it ends with a fucking hate crime.
Your boy just gets beaten to death.
It's awful.
It's terrible.
Spoilers.
Yeah.
This is a super good movie.
And it's not that I'm into hate crimes.
No.
I like movies.
He didn't have to say that, Woody.
Yeah, I got to be clear.
Maybe you do.
Okay.
Movies that make me feel good impress me.
Movies that make me feel good impress me movies that make me feel bad
impress me if it really makes you feel then that movie's hit its mark yeah no i agree i agree with
that but like i don't want to feel like that often and requiem of the dream is uh of a dream or of i
think for a dream thank you i always mess it up because i've never watched it after the time we watched it
there uh in that fucking apartment that time i was so upset i was so upset it's just so sad
um i don't know right who leo dicaprio i do not think so he was i have no memory of him being
i don't think he was no i thought it's gyal, right? Thanks, Jake Gyllenhaal.
It was Jake. Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. My bad.
Yeah, I don't think I'll watch that ever again.
That was sad. You know, another one that was
sad was Train Spotting
with all those heroin
addicts and Ewan McGregor.
I remember getting like three
quarters of the way through that movie
and the baby in the crib dies
or whatever, and i'm just like
what am i what am i why am i watching this like this is awful i know it's not gonna pan out that
yeah it did make it make his career oh and i didn't know that was his first big i think that
was guy richie who made that like it was a genius film yeah then it came over the crappy sequel like
10 years later yeah i like to feel something but I don't want it to ruin me.
And sometimes a film will just wreck you where, like,
the next day you're on the toilet like,
fuck, man, why couldn't he just go to rehab?
Like, nobody would give you $20.
Shit.
A movie that I want to watch again,
but I can't watch certain scenes is Saving Private Ryan.
What?
That's a great one.
I roll that one back all the time.
When he's fighting with a German and he's waiting for the ammo and the German's pressing the knife down slowly.
That scene is hard to watch, bro.
You know, a big misconception there is that a lot of people believe that that is the same German who was spared previously at the radar station it's not oh it's not really it's not that's
a big misconception yeah i always believed that until very recently i uh i watched a thing and
it was like many people it was even had the ai fucking voice those goddamn short ah fucking
adsense horse many people believe that in 2001's A Saving Private Ryan,
the sewing soldier who was spared previously
is the one who stabs Private blah, blah, blah.
But actually, and then they break it down,
and they show the guy's face,
and yeah, they're both didn't have helmets on,
but it's completely different characters,
and the fact that he does execute the radar station guy later
is just him coming full circle
and realizing that you know he
needs to take care of that shit but no not the same guy but he was brought back when the coward
guy surrendered a whole bunch of people wasn't he yep okay and and then and he kills him yeah
yes because he remembered him yeah he remembered him yeah yeah the guy that he was giving cigarettes
to and they were joking around about fucking Statue of Liberty,
Yankee Doodle Dandy or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It did seem like there were easier ways
to get Private Ryan out of there.
He had come full circle on how he felt about the enemy.
And if my thought process,
the reason I would have killed him would be like,
I'm about to take all these guys prisoner.
The last thing I need is them thinking that I'm their friend. this guy's about to be like oh this guy's okay we can trust
him he gave me like motherfucker all right come on the other eight of them are definitely gonna
stand in line right after we pop the pop that guy too it would be hard to take a bunch of men
prisoner that'd be a scary thing to do you know yeah especially with high stakes babysitting
and i mean like you gotta get them somewhere like if I mean, like, you've got to get them somewhere.
Like, if you if you if you've got like 15 men or like hands fucking up and they do now, what?
Fuck.
Like what they were using.
And I can say that I can say the word clip because that particular firearm had a clip.
But how many did they would they have in that like nine, 10 rounds?
It's not like they had 30 back in the days
in like the garand uh it's like seven or eight i think i think the clip has maybe eight and so
like one's going into the round so you've got like seven plus one at that point i thought yeah
off the top of my head though i've only shot a grand once so it's not like he's gonna have
you know 30 rounds in the magazine to make sure he can keep all those guys prisoners secure, right? So it's even more
stressful then, right?
I googled it. Kyle was exactly right
if anyone cares.
Those are big bullets.
I feel like if I was taking prisoners
and I was like, alright, this way, and then
two of them ran off, I'd be like,
fuck, man, there's
five of you here. I can't chase those two.
Like, who are you?
Have you heard of what's his name sergeant york and that guy uh yeah zach how many how many germans did york take himself how many prisoners did he capture personally i think it's
40 i think it's 40 that he took on his own amongst other achievements when he came back to the u.s
he became a movie star. He starred
in movies about himself. Is this all
confirmed, or were they goosing the numbers
to make him a movie star? It's all confirmed. He showed up
with this Frank Abagnale, 40 guys
He lined them up and they counted him.
Frank Abagnale's actual con was making you think
he was a con man. Stop sharing
that man's dad.
World War II?
World War II? World War II?
Yeah, World War II he's talking about, I believe, right?
I'm not 100% on that.
I just remember... Yeah, it probably would have been, because he came back
and was in movies.
Or was it like Korea or Nam?
I thought he was
fighting the Germans.
I remember a story about him getting on a tank and doing some heroic
shit, but he was also a really short guy. That was his thing. I think a story about him getting on a tank and doing some heroic shit. But he was also a really
short guy. That was his thing. I think he was
really short.
Anyway.
132 Germans?
That's too many.
They should have said
25. That must have been close to the end of the war
where they didn't feel like fighting.
Nobody felt much
like fighting when Sergeant York showed up.
He showed up in May
of 46.
Like some fucking senator was up there
trying to not let me fight at all.
He's part of the war zone.
They all surrendered
in 55.
They're just moms
at a shopping mall
it's like four grade six classes
that's hilarious you know what but like veterans i feel bad for
are well i guess they're mostly dying but like korea korea they don't get any attention they're totally i mean everyone's overshadowed by
world war ii they got vietnam overshadows it's overshadowed from both sides somehow
like no one ever talks about korea well korea was a boring war and uh and it was a big failure
on our parts if you ask me and but they got their own tv show right they got mash that makes up for
is that what mash is about yeah but vietnam got like tons of i wouldn't say credit but they got mash that makes up for is that what mash is about yeah but vietnam got like tons
of i wouldn't say credit but they got vietnam got movies upon movies upon tv shows cultural
vietnam vets treated poorly that's what i wonder right because it like it changed american culture
this idea that like soldiers were responsible for the things they did is gone now gone now
absolutely hey you know fog Fog of War,
your leader ordered you to do that, whatever, whatever.
Every soldier is an absolute
fucking hero. Never met a bad one
that didn't walk on water and fucking
have shiny shoes and walk grandmas
across the street. You better watch this, million.
Everyone who's ever served in the U.S. Army
or Navy or military or fucking
Coast Guard, I don't give a fuck, are the best
people. They're our finest.
They're our greatest, etc. All because
Vietnam vets were treated poorly when they came back.
How long did that last?
Was it like 18 months
of people not liking
veterans, some people not liking veterans
and now we just bend over backwards
and thank them when they're on the plane?
How long did the soldiers... You gotta find a middle plane like it how did how long did the you got
to find a middle ground sometimes we like no no bad mouth welcome to the show well
how long did soldiers get bad mouth remember really set the culture remember uh tom cruz
born on the fourth of july yeah like that was like a kind of anti-war, anti-soldier type of movie too.
I mean, I don't know.
How long did the whole burning hoochies with civilians thing go on in media,
mainstream media back then, right?
Is there another meaning of hooch that I'm not familiar with?
Burning hoochies, what's a hooch?
It's where the Vietnamese used to live in their little huts.
It's not just female generals.
No.
I mean, you can catch that when you're on.
Dude, I was literally like picturing like a still in like the 30s.
I'm like, we're talking about like destroying a hooch at a still in Kentucky now.
I'm trying to remember. now no i'm not i think your question is like how long were the vietnam veterans specifically sort of like maybe not spat on on the street still but like thought of poorly like like
how long was it before they felt comfortable put it how long did they start how long after the war was it when they put on the hat to get
congratulations not to not to like make a fucking point yeah i did it this the civil war why could
you proudly wear that hat four years the civil war was yet it's this like huge part of american
culture right there are people across the south flying their fucking traitor flags and whatnot, going bonkers with this Civil War thing.
And I'm like, dude, it was four years.
Yeah, but it was the bloodiest four years in the history of the country, though.
Yeah, a lot of deaths.
Yeah, sure.
But like it was still four years.
You're forgetting about the decades that it was flown for a different reason, for a different group of people as their flag.
Right.
decades that it was flown for a different reason for a,
for,
for a different group of people as their flag.
Right.
Like, like I don't think of,
I don't think of Confederate soldiers as the baddies,
you know,
like,
like,
like,
like in their minds,
do you think they were like,
Oh yeah,
I got to make sure that that rich man down the street still gets to keep his
slaves.
I don't think they were thinking like that.
It was Dixie crrat propaganda at its finest,
keeping those guys fighting.
But there were a different group of people
who were evil,
who for a couple, three or four, five or six decades,
flew that flag and lynched people and murdered people.
There's been, I remember,
maybe it was a short I watched,
but it was some deathbed confession of a lady
who was like, yeah, I accused a black
boy of touching me.
And they lynched him and
cut his dick off and burned
his family's home down.
They're trying to go after Emmett Till's
accuser, right?
Because she's still alive.
Do you know who Emmett Till is?
No, no.
Emmett is this name?
Emmett Till is a 14-year-old kid who was walking down in the south somewhere, and he whistled as a white lady was passing by.
And so she said, oh, he tried to do stuff to me.
do stuff to me.
And so they,
you know,
the local townsmen got together and they got this little boy and did horrible things to his body.
You can't show a picture of him at till.
No,
you don't want to do that,
but it was a horrific,
horrific death until this day.
Like she's still alive.
And the guys who killed him got away with it.
I like that scene when they,
his mother says she wants an open casket and they're like
he is in no state for an open casket and she's like and that was the point she's like he's in
the perfect state for an oh did you watch the movie of course oh i couldn't bring myself to
watch it i've seen every movie on my list i try i certain things it's too hard to watch
oh you saw the picture yeah well? He's in the casket.
It's not a great picture.
The picture before the casket
is even worse.
I didn't see that.
He's mutilated.
He was destroyed
in every...
That wasn't an isolated event.
That was a regular thing that would happen.
Just on hearsay, you would be mutilated,
murdered by a mob of people,
and they would burn your family's house down.
They might kill your family too.
Anything that they wanted was going to happen.
There was mob justice,
and those people were flying that flag then.
So that, I've learned later in life,
is why some people are not so fond of that flag.
Because when I grew up, man, that meant like the general Lee.
No, no, no.
That meant blue collar.
That meant blue collar.
That meant like hardworking.
That meant like our like country culture.
That meant like sausage biscuits and gravy and like fucking
hay bales it didn't mean like ropes and lynching and like hatred to me anyway or the people that
i knew there's always outliers and there's always those people on the edge who's who like blend into
your group and try and say they're one of you and make a bad name for you.
I mean,
look at Al Qaeda.
What?
Right.
A few bad apples jump in there and make them look bad.
Yeah.
But you know what?
And to speak from the other side of the spectrum,
I guess you can say like as a kid growing up in the seventies,
my,
one of my favorite shows
dukes of hazard love that show like well and duke were my heroes all right and i had the toys i had
the tonka trucks and everything same i have a recent car i have a recent picture of me sitting
on it generally maca like i love that and um but you know when i was educated and what i was behind
and stuff like that and it it's a whole different thing.
And it's like and I like to compare it to the swastika because the swastika wasn't a bad German thing for hundreds of years before Adolf adopted it.
It's a Hindu thing, I believe. It was a it was a Buddhist thing.
Thank you. It could have been a Hindu. They're all the same. It was a Buddhist. Yeah, Asian.
So it was, you know.
Couldn't pick them apart in a lineup.
Yeah.
I can tell by the hats.
It changed the meaning of what that symbol represented, right?
So the same thing happened with the Confederate flag.
The meaning was changed because of the history behind it.
That was our state flag when
i yeah this was my family crest i think there was like a i'm trying to imagine what it used to be
but i think it was it was like a crest with like i don't know some olive branches and pillars or
something and then just the fucking Confederate flag.
I think that was our state flag.
It got changed maybe in the 93, 94, 95.
Sometime in that era when
all of Atlanta was becoming
a little bit more blue.
And now it's
just a fucking purple state.
Although I think we go red this election cycle.
But you know what?
It could have been easily solved
if you guys
stopped bad guys from using
the flag. So if people
in the South stopped, if you saw
the Klan marching or white supremacists
or all that stuff, if you guys told them
don't use that flag, it
wouldn't have been an issue. But then it
became the face of that hate.
You know what I mean? If you protected it, it wouldn't have be an issue but then it became the face of that hate or you know what i mean like
we'll see if you protected it it's easy to blame it's easy to blame like the guy who's got a bumper
sticker but i think there was like a big financial effort by a lot of rich racists to get all those
monuments thrown up you know like like it's not like all those civil war monuments were put up
you know at the same time as the Civil Rights
movement was going on. It was their counter.
It was like, oh,
you're going to invade our schools?
Let me just remind you how
things was before
and how things might just be
again!
Throw fucking Nathan Bedford
Forrest up there, put him on his horse,
and make him look bronze and fancy,
right? Not in my sundown
town, it's not going to happen.
So like,
it's a whole systemic
thing. It is.
With the swastika one, have you... Symbols mean a lot.
But can we all admit, it's a
pretty cool looking flag.
It's too similar
to the British one. It's cooler than the American
flag if we're just going on visuals.
Like if we could... The stars and
the... It is better
in its balance. Although I like that ours has
information encoded in it, right? I like
that you can do that.
So does the American flag. It's got the stars
and the stripes. No one knows what they mean.
When Kyle says our flag, you need
the American flag, you traitor.
Listen, honestly,
it's more...
And I don't want to get people
upset by saying this, but
the American flag is a lot cooler than the Canadian flag.
See, the thing...
I disagree.
I'm not sure.
There's a better balance
to the Canadian one. I don't like the
lopsidedness of ours. I think that
every few years we should redo the flag.
I love Canada
and the maple leaf is cool and stuff, but
you know, when you have, I mean
the weird thing is when you have to do the flag going backwards
and the American flag on the right arm, right?
And the stars
have to be in the front and the flag has to be
waving and stuff. That's kind of weird
where the Canadian flag is ambidextrous.
I guess you could say.
But I mean, just looks wise
and the red, white, and blue in a star,
that's kind of cool.
You got a trans flag.
Yeah.
I definitely like the...
I don't like that it's just red and white.
Sorry, what?
No, I was going to say,
I don't like that it's just red and white,
the colors.
The fact that we have blue is better.
That's the one thing we have over them.
The blue is very solid, but I would like a balanced flag.
I value a flag that works from a distance.
We just have two colors.
The flag needs to be visible and work from really far away.
When I take a – sometimes I see flags, they have fucking dragons on them.
Those are great, man.
Is it a Czech flag?
I don't know.
The Welsh flag.
Is it a Welsh flag?
I'm just not sure we need flags anymore.
The Union Jack is pretty cool.
The Union Jack looks nice.
Yeah, I do like that.
A lot of state flags are too busy, and there's some writing on them, like text.
The animals and stuff.
The Canadian flag?
writing on them like text nah little animals and stuff the canadian flag i have my eyes are 50 years old and i can tell what that thing's all about from a mile away like that that thing works
i mean if we're on big wooden ships fighting in the atlantic that would matter you know but oh
what is that sir i can't tell it's the stars and stripes my eyes I do like it
I would argue that just take a
state flag and fly it at 150 feet
in the air and it says like there's like
a bear and it says Republic of California
underneath it I can't read it bro
and it's moving yeah like half of them
have bears on it yeah
but it's like but you go to Europe and then
you'll have like like German
and Italian and France there are like three colors and you have to know which one you'll have German and Italian and France.
There are three colors and you have to know
which one's which. You know what I mean? They kind of blend
together after a while.
There's some ugly flags in Europe.
Zach, do you have perhaps some photos of the flags
without their names on them that you could
present? Are we going to do a guessing game?
I wouldn't call it guessing.
I can picture the German
flag pretty fucking well. I can picture the German flag pretty fucking well.
I can picture the Polish flag.
Try to find some.
Poland is easy.
MMA is my favorite sport.
This will be embarrassing.
These are states.
Are they states?
Yes, they absolutely are.
Isn't the top left England?
No.
The top left.
It's Welsh.
Little known fact.
That's California.
Just to the right of top center, I think, is California.
Top row, third from the right.
I think that's California.
Yeah, and then to the right, that's Colorado.
And that's Arkansas to the left of that, obviously.
I really want to do european flags these are fucking
yeah let's do european flags european flags it's fun for people to laugh at our
i figured out montana and kansas hawaii gommel okay boom that one top left let's start in the
top left top left top left i bet that is yeah i, I think you're right. Is that Poland? It's Poland.
No, wait.
No.
Poland has stripes.
Poland is white and red in some order.
And so this is Wales.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
No, that's not Wales.
No.
Romania.
That's not.
Yeah, maybe Romania.
We don't know.
We don't know.
All right, so that's definitely Germany in the top right, though.
Yeah, that's Germany. Wait, wait.
Is Germany not...
Hold on.
What's that under Germany that you said?
Oh, shit. There's another one that looks exactly like Germany,
but they just twisted it the other way.
All right, I quit.
Oh, fuck y'all.
What was the other one in Germany?
Under Germany is Italy.
Left of Italy is Ireland.
There's two that are blue, green, and red.
Ukraine, bottom center.
Blue, green, and red.
That's a good question.
Take the Ukraine, Woody.
There's the UK.
No one else got it.
You didn't take the UK right next to it.
How about that? That's France. Right column, third from the bottom. No one else got it. You didn't take the UK right next to it. Yeah.
Okay, I know this one.
That's France.
Right column, third from the bottom.
That's France, right?
Okay.
You got Swiss beside Ukraine?
I don't fucking know.
I quit.
No, you can't quit until... I didn't realize it would be this hard.
Okay, how about this one, Kyle?
Do you know the one with the first aid mark at the bottom there?
Yeah, that's Swiss.
I knew you would know.
There's so many more countries than I thought there were.
I don't think this is a full list.
Oh, that's cheating.
I was right about Germany.
Belgium was the one Kyle was talking about.
I was right about Germany.
These people are bad at being countries.
Why haven't you taken over some of your neighbors?
What's the worst flag on here?
Is Monaco good or bad?
I'm torn.
Bosnia and Herzegovina is terrible.
Armenia is a dog shit flag.
Look at Lithuania.
It's like they just took the colors that were left
with the yellow, the green, and the red.
That's awful, guys.
France and Russia have a lot of overlap. And don't even get started on Slo green, and the red. That's awful, guys. France and Russia have a lot
of overlap. Don't even get started
on Slovakia and Slovenia.
They should all have to be one country.
I'm sorry that I brought up
flag talk. It was an error.
Vexology talk?
Bulgaria's terrible.
Vexology talk, yeah.
Can we go to Femboys? Can we go to Femboys?
Can we go to Femboys?
I feel much more comfortable.
That's more my wheelhouse.
I feel like I can represent
the tentpole for Kyle.
Zach, throw up that image.
So to speak.
Can we describe what Femboys are?
Kyle can tell you in excruciating detail.
So the person on the
bottom is a friend of the show.
His name is Finster.
And he's a straight male.
Yes, he does.
He's a straight male, identifies as a male.
He's just really cute.
And
the beautiful
young lady on top of him is Belle delphine whose only fans makes over
one million dollars a month let me just write that down for research yeah d-e-l-l-e-d-e-l-p-h-i-n-e
okay gotcha you can buy her piss did you see that she's like i got it really she wrote i got a new
pet and he replied strong words for someone wearing a cat
tail um but you know what a lot of chicks like the feminine looking guys like they don't a lot
of girls well this is an only fans collaboration i should mention that like like um this is what
this is this is an OnlyFans collaboration.
Do they go all out?
No.
You got to pay to find out?
No, I'm just curious.
Some OnlyFans are like, you know, they'll just show this and that.
Some of them go all the way out.
Yeah, so Belle Delphine, if you go to hers, you'll see anything and everything of her.
But our boy Finster there, he only started his like 12, 15 days ago.
So he's in the very early vanilla stages.
I think this collaboration with Belle Delphine is probably something that was sprung upon him.
She probably reached out.
How do you get that hook up in only two weeks?
He's pretty famous, too.
He's a big time.
Is he? Is he? Yeah, he's a Twitch guy. he's very he's a big time is he is he is he yeah he's a
twitch guy person lady yeah guy just straight up guy like you would want to be called oh man
sounds like this yeah yeah he is a guy's voice he doesn't do a voice
oh really someone sent me a picture and i guess he he, he did a poll. He was like, would you like to see more masculine stuff?
And posted a picture of him flexing.
And when he's representing as a dude, he looks like a dude.
And they're like, nope.
And everyone's like, nope.
See, I could not pull off that look.
I would look like Wesley Snipes in Too Wong Fu.
Dude, yeah. Oh, that's a good reference. I would look like Wesley Snipes in Too Wong Fu. Dude, yeah.
Oh, that's a good reference.
I don't think any of the four of us could.
Is that reference too deep?
No, I love that.
I love that.
I just walked the clip with that.
I'm sorry, Woody.
That one's got to be real.
I tried.
I tried.
Yeah, Too Wong Fu was a good movie, bro.
I told Woody the other day, because I'm a Star Trek nerd,
I found out the other day that instead of LeVar Burton,
they were going to go with Wesley Snipes as LaForge on Star Trek.
He's the engineer with that chrome shit on his face.
Can you imagine buff-ass Wesley Snipes?
Motherfucker, get these engines going!
Come on, everybody, work together!
He'd have been so big and scary
next to Worf, because Michael Dorn plays Worf
and he's just a normal-sized
fella. He's not
physically imposing. Is Wesley Snipes big and strong?
He's my height.
You've never seen Blade?
I've seen White Man Can't Jump, but I know he's
athletic.
Sometimes in Hollywood
everybody's 5'8
you don't realize it he's not only athletic and uh he's a he's an actual martial artist
he's a martial artist i can't remember what it might be taekwondo remember they were gonna
joe rogan and him were gonna fight remember that story yeah i'm 5'10 but yeah he's my height yeah
no i've i've seen him do sure you are the better you look on camera though tom cruise is what five three it's easier it's easier to match you next to a woman and not
and and get you in a in a frame tighter it's uh it's it's easier to for you to get like bulked
up enough to look very physically good the fact that chris hemsworth is i think like six three
or something and he looks like that is thor is crazy. If Tom Cruise had done all the drugs and working out
that Chris Hemsworth did, he'd look like
Hulk fucking Hogan.
You'd be like, you're a freak!
It's because he's so big
that he holds all that so well and doesn't
look like a freak. Tom Cruise has to do
something. Some sort of anti-aging
regimen.
It's magic. It's also CGI.
It's called Scientology.
It's CGI, but I see him on
plenty of interviews and stuff.
He's in great shape.
He can't hit on Tom Cruise, bro.
He's an amazing... He's 61?
62?
No, he's 50.
I think he's 51, 52.
No, he's older than me.
But also, people who are like 5'7",
he's 60.
I don't, yeah, he's older than me.
Tom Cruise is 60?
I don't, yeah.
July 3rd, 1962.
That's what I'm saying.
He looks good for his age.
He looks great.
So now that we just established
that Tom Cruise is fucking 60 years old,
Zach, show me the poster
for the new Tom Cruise movie
where he has clearly jumped a
motorcycle off a mountain,
jumped clear of it,
and is doing a back, and is
guiding through the air like Superman
wearing either a parachute or a wingsuit.
And you know it's him!
That's that same little fucker that was in his
tighty-whities dancing
five decades ago.
Now he's jumping motorcycles off of mountains because he wants to.
And you know he did that shot like five or six times that day.
Parachute shot.
Yeah.
And you know what?
I like that he won't let anybody bully him out of the religion he's into.
Oh.
He likes that.
I heard he does.
You know what?
Let him enjoy his thing.
I heard he does.
There's a picture where the motorcycle is
tumbling through the air and he is
literally like flying
right to left.
But yeah,
I hate Tom Cruise as a human being
because I'm pretty sure he's into some skeezy shit.
Why? What do you do?
He's a capo. It's funny. That's why I like him.
And an international cult. So that I kind of hold against him a capo. It's funny. That's why I like him. And an international cult.
So that
I kind of hold against him a little bit.
However, that's cool. That's like being a cardinal.
That just shows how he has charisma.
He's dedicated to his art.
Don't hate cult leaders.
All of his movies are good.
Yeah, they're good movies and I would follow him.
I'll see all of his movies.
I mean, I will follow this
But I'm not gonna fucking hang on to those
Paddles and get my body fainting
If Tom tells me it would help me
He would know
Tom Cruise has
I don't know what to call it
Like an extremers
Resume that is impossible
To compete with
Perfect
Okay posture talk
I think it's important
Like do you see the stunt there
He's like perfect
He's not flailing
He didn't just like alright launch me
I don't know I love that guy's movies
And the attention to detail
Mission Impossible movies
He's on like the 8th and 9th one
And they're so good.
I don't know.
The second one was average,
but the rest of them were amazing.
Yeah, I like that.
Who's the woman he's bagged? Katie Holmes?
Who's the hot redhead he married?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Can I just interject
real quickly on Katie Holmes? He's never
bagged a woman in his life.
What do you mean bagged? They were bagged
for him by the
Scient... This is all like...
I'm listening. This is known. They went
out and got her and
arranged for him to be with her
alone. All of his relationships
are calculated things that
the Scientologists have put together for him.
I'm not sure if that's more...
To be fair though, all those A-list guys,
that's how they get women.
I'm not talking about the scientific part, but they have
assistants. He utilizes a cult.
His cult has handlers who arrange
his relationships based on... Is that cooler
or less cool, Kyle? That's terrifying.
That's power.
Power is getting up. Tiger Woods
was doing it the right way.
The fact that they get... Whipping out his long schlong and saying you need a ride. The most racist. Power is getting up. Tiger Woods was doing it the right way.
Whipping out his long schlong and saying you need a ride.
The most racist.
Like I was team white. Hey, baby, I'm going to drive this into your pussy.
Just like horrible.
You don't know what Tiger Woods did?
Tiger Woods was a prolific user.
I'm in the rough.
Oh, was he?
That makes sense, actually.
I can't believe y'all don't remember this.
But he's a nerd, though.
He had to be.
So they threw him under the bus like they had never done anyway.
They made it out like he killed somebody.
He was making public apologies.
Remember his wife divorced him, took half his money, assaulted him and shit,
and everybody was on her fucking side.
And all he did, look,
he cheated prolifically
with dozens of prostitutes.
But Michael
Vick
was murdering dogs.
And it's like, they were treated about the same
by the media. They gave him the exact
same treatment Vick got.
He's black, man. That's why.
It's because the media hates dogs as opposed to michael
vick who's not all right well michael vick fucked up everybody loves dogs you can't be you can't
yeah you can't you can't be drowning dogs in your backyard yeah but now uh you got the tiger's
getting sued by his girlfriend that he did dirty you see what happened he's got no reason he had
a girlfriend living with him you know for a few years and stuff
now and he got tired of it tired of her and then he goes hey we're gonna go on vacation and we're
gonna take a private jet and go and say you let's get packed and go and then he goes i'm gonna meet
you at the plane and so she goes she gets her stuff goes to the private jet and he changes all
the locks on the house.
And he said,
oh, yeah, we're over. We're done.
And she couldn't get back in the house.
Oh, my ex, I sent that bitch to Cambodia.
She's suing him for $30 million.
Really? For breaking up with her?
Yeah.
That's insane.
I like Tiger Woods. I've always liked how he did business. I liked his
relationship with his father.
I liked his work ethic and that drive and intensity.
I liked that he clearly enjoys some substances.
I liked that he went to some sort of voodoo magic man
and put his leg back on two years ago,
and now he's golfing again.
If y'all don't remember, he had a wild-ass
wreck where they didn't know if they were going to keep his leg on
his body. It was
shattered in multiple pieces. I didn't remember that.
He's golfing! I saw
him last week.
He's shooting under
par, but he's not going to win the fucking tourney.
It must be Jay Leno's
doctor, because those guys get
miracle cures happening. Jay Leno had a bad accident. I didn't know that be Jay Leno's doctor because those guys get like miracle cures happening. I want to know
what a bad accident.
I didn't know that about you. Leno got
all burnt up and then he fell off a bike
or something when he did the second time. Yeah, I want
to say like he just got to the point where he could wear a helmet
again and then crashed. Yeah, that's not right.
It's close. It's not to me like
accidents. Damn. Yeah.
If anybody does, I assumed it was
a carburetor fire. I assumed he was under the hood i assumed it was a carburetor fire i assumed he was under
the hood like feeding fuel into the carburetor and and then turn it turning it over and it popped
in his face um when i was in the burn unit that time like getting my fucking hand scrubbed off
the guy that was in the sharing the room with me he was a grown man and he was moaning he was
already on morphine but he was moaning and i was like my morphine, but he was moaning. And I was like, my dad asked the nurse, what happened to this gentleman that was in here earlier?
She's like, he was working on a car and the carburetor backfired. That's what it was.
Because that thing spits vapor and gasoline burning on you.
And it burns you the fuck up before you can do anything. It's a real common thing.
Just as common as children. Did y'all have any kids that went to school with you
who had had grease poured on them?
Grease poured on them?
Like as a punishment?
Like it accidentally had...
Like it comes off the counter,
kid gets scalded with grease,
and now they have like a grease scar on them?
My co-workers had something similar.
Yeah.
You know what?
It scared me as a parent.
So all they had was a really hot cup of coffee.
And this kid was two.
And it could walk.
It was a stupid two-year-old.
And it pulled the coffee off the kitchen counter onto himself.
And he had bad burns on the side of his face and like his shoulder and into his chest.
So when I met the kid, he was like four.
And he had
what I'll describe as a wetsuit
top on that he wore all the time
as part of his skin healing
process. He came from a wealthy
family, so he was getting some
good medical care. A little scuba Steve
over there. His father owned an oil company.
His father owned an oil company.
You going diving today, Steve?
Shut up! You know I'm all burnt up
I'm all burnt up
Fuck you Steve your dad owns
Eight gas stations
Hope you turn into
A Batman villain
What would his name be?
Grease lightning or something
i was gonna go to sleep
no there was a kid at my school and uh he had been all burnt up by grease and i remembered
um like like in elementary school and i made note of that. There's a few memories I have in my life where it feels like I mentally put up a signpost
that I could look back and see brightly from any point in the future.
And there was a moment where I went,
Greece is incredibly dangerous and must be respected.
Just like firearms and threshers.
expected, just like firearms and like threshers. And later on, I'll tell you, when I was in high school, I put up a road sign about metal lathes because I worked in a machine shop and we had one
in high school and he showed us a video of what it could do to a man, you know, getting sucked in by
your hair and torn apart. And then you looked at this piece of machinery and you found that it had
more power than you could comprehend. Like it turned anything it it could tear anything apart that you could put in it
and it's like okay signpost respect to this yeah if you don't do that throughout your life you'll
eventually like fall into a thresher or something most of the machines in my life like if i grab
them they stop if i get sucked into my vacuum cleaner it gets stopped if i get
hit by my ceiling fan i don't like it but the ceiling fan stops yeah my tractor for example
a human offers no resistance that the tractor takes notice of like al said respect that thing
yeah so i put that grease respect there and like uh because i saw that kid all burnt up and scarred
and like like it or not like
maybe not in everybody else's mind but i was like all right well like i don't want to be around you
because you're like an other now like i don't you're like a freak i don't want to be around you
i won't say exactly how i knew this other person but my mom used to make me go play with this kid
who had all these uh like physical deformities he was like missing some fingers uh like multiple fingers one hand was like two or three fingers and his face
was really ugly like i don't mean he was like ah like a five out of ten four out of ten three of
him i mean his face was scary it frightened me a little so was this an accident thing or born with
it born that way born that way and and i remember telling her like like i don't want
to go he's fucking scary to look at i can't look at him in the face and when and i and when i shook
his hand his fucking weird fingers felt weird i don't want to go and she's like shit okay you
don't have to go i was like because i wasn't gonna go anymore like i i met this kid
before and they're like yeah play with billy no fingers and it's just like fuck no i don't ever
want to come back here again i don't care how many toys this fucker has i don't give a shit man
that kid no i it scared me as a kid go find somebody else who wasn't frightened of him
i had a friend when i was a kid my mom's friend's son i'm still scared
what is he's out there what is the mental disorder like cp what is this
and it's not cystic fibrosis it's cerebral palsy that's what i'm looking for yeah and uh um anyway
so he had cerebral palsy and i guess his parents were wealthy because his toy collection was
outrageous and uh the nature of a cerebral palsy and I guess his parents were wealthy because his toy collection was outrageous.
And the nature of a cerebral palsy is in a wheelchair and his wrists were always bent like sharp.
You're saying greasy.
He had Legos that like every shelf, everything.
And not just any Legos, but like the baller Legos, death stars or something like that like i and i'm like they say you did all this yet i like they feed you
i'm seven and i see through this ruse
they were trying to helen keller you and at that age you can still see through the bullshit you're
like no no i couldn't put together the millennium falcon there's no way this dummy did it oh that was another thing he got like really good grades
in school he got hundreds on everything and they're like he's such a genius and i'm like
does no one else see his handler taking his tests for him i can see it from my seat like everyone
just pretending that the woman who like he's a tutor, so he's getting some extra help, but also they're, like, co-taking tests
together. Taylor,
you know that
young man's name?
Joe Biden.
Joe Biden.
They feed
him. No one seems to notice
his diminished capacity.
They just pop a pen in his mouth.
Look what Joe did
I don't know if Joe did that or not
I don't know, no he didn't
Joe's over there walking like Mr. Burns
like no
that's funny
when there's ever like a post
on social media or anything and it's like
from Joe Biden it's like
I'm sure like i'm sure he's
sitting there saying anything that dude is eating ice cream having his corner of his mouth dabbed
off right now say what you will trump writes most his own oh god i took a political test today um
did you win did you yeah everybody loses yeah um uh it It said that the candidate for me was who it was a black guy.
Who's a Republican.
He said,
don't let it be Herschel.
It's not Herschel.
No,
no,
no.
I'm talking for president for president.
Maybe Tim or something.
I closed the window.
Unfortunately,
like earlier,
but,
but like,
there can't be that many black men who are in the,
in the running for,
for Republic,
for the Republican nomination for president. but it said tim scott maybe
that that name's like jumbling around anyway um it was like 80 republican but then like the other
side was a lot of radical shit because i think that we should all have free health care but i
think we should all have free guns too so it things bash together and I believe the other actually,
I think I like that.
I think I scored highly on things like meritocracy.
Like I believe in that,
I suppose.
And I don't know the good people,
what a meritocracy is.
I believe that the only thing that should be taken into consideration is who is best for a position
and that those people should rise to the top regardless of anything else. And I think the
NBA is a very good example of a meritocracy because those black guys are the best ballers in the planet.
And the fact that you've got that white boy in Dallas or whatever,
Luka, right?
Luka's in Dallas.
He's a fucking aberration.
He's the great white fucking hope.
He's not even the good one.
I think that sports in general are good examples of meritocracy.
But I believe meritocracies.
Yeah, the MVP for the last few years in a row is
a guy named jokic something very close to that and he plays for denver he's a white guy
meritocracy only works if everybody's treated equal in that society though
absolutely you know what i mean like if all if everything was equal then it would work but
that's not how it works because well look how many how many nba owners are black
well you well you gotta you gotta like differentiate between systemic uh things
you know like part of the process like when we're filling out uh paperwork and i don't see any like
anything that's holding anybody back there everybody goes through the same steps and
they're considered the same way if anything there's a lot of advantages to not being quite most of the way through if you're going for any
sort of government assistance or filing for certain loans. But if we're talking about how
a boss might interview a potential candidate, then we're never going to get that fair because
he might like big-breasted women more than he likes hardworking men. And I'm not going to get that fair because he might like big-breasted women more than he likes hard-working
men and i'm not going to fucking complain about that i'm just going to laugh when his business
fails because he's got five big-breasted women in his boardroom who didn't go to college
and they're supposed to be an investment firm for you right like all the investors
aren't all the the investors for uh silicon Valley Bank a big-breasted woman?
The picture with five women and three of them are blondes?
I don't care what color someone is.
I just want the best doctor I can get.
I want the best people to become doctors.
I don't want an Asian guy getting left behind because he doesn't get the same consideration as an american indian might get because they
really need some american indians this week like totally agree look we'll get a medicine man up in
here don't worry but for now chang over there is just i mean he'd have been in if he was white
he'd have been in if he was black you're just not gonna let him in because you've got that that fucking like seminole indian over there who's dude and this or an okay and this
causes problems like that train derailing you don't think there are millions of autistic men
that would love to be in charge of trains and would be obsessed with it all the time
i'm telling you if there's one bit of infrastructure that there's never an excuse to have a problem it's trains because you can go on instagram and find
people that don't think about anything but trains and put them in charge of it they would be openly
weeping at the thought of a derailment of their beautiful machine like that's that's the kind of
people you want in charge of trains and that's what I'm running on I want whoever's bent for the job to be doing it
and I don't want any
little hurdles
to allow the
I don't know
diversity for the sake of diversity is silly
I think when diversity happens
we should look at this, we're all here
we're all into this
isn't that wild?
that's how it happened if this
guy was there like if we all showed up at paintball together that's how it is there it's like oh shit
y'all y'all like this too it's like that michael scott moment where he's like everybody likes pizza
black people like pizza wait people like pizza right he doesn't know like when you show up at
a paintball place and there's like people that you normally don't rub shoulders with and your
other things that's how you should look at like if if a certain race is overly
represented in a job place it's it's like i see people complaining about the uh the brown people
at the gas stations it's like do you want to work in the fucking gas station they're so goddamn good
at it i love my gas station guy fucking fucking hamid over there is a bad motherfucker he cuts
me discounts on shit he tells me he's like, use the little
machine. It doesn't do that. Something about
the little machine cuts me a deal. He's like,
put in this code and that code. I'm fucking
dialing numbers in this little pad.
What is this machine? A gas pump?
No, this thing you stick a card in.
A card reader? Yeah.
There are cheat codes for payments?
Yes.
Up, down, left, right, left, right, one, two,
three, and you get free groceries.
He's, like, giving me, like, deals that
aren't, like, there. It's like,
oh, you want two for one?
Yeah, I want two for one. Alright, put in
CCV, blah, blah, blah, and it's just like
fucking gives me half, I don't know, I like that
guy a lot. Of course. I mean,
he's a good guy like it i like a
good black doctor you don't like him because he's hindu you like him you know quick on the draw
you know who i what kind of uh race i will never have as a doctor i don't know if i want to go
let's go um i think it's a guess when i was a kid is there a race of like blind people let's write it down
when i was a kid blind aborigines
our our pediatrician was in athens his name was dr kwan kwan with a q um i think that's korean
but you know i was six so like he had one of those big faces so i think he was one
of those and i was a white or an asian guy we're good dr kwan was a no bullshit kind of pediatrician
my mom would be like yeah his nose a little stuffy he's already got that bulb with the
saline solution up my nose and it's just like i'm like douching my brain fucking fucking filling my
whole head up with that shit and of course it clears me right up
but it was like everything he did was rough every time he gave me a shot every time he'd like you're
like yeah he'd like flip me around like he was like look at the back of the rear you see right
here on his back yeah that's fine don't worry about that he's like i was scared of dr kwan
i hated but you know what it's funny because my doctor, when I was, since I was a kid, it was Dr. Louie and he was Chinese. He was Chinese and he was amazing. Like he would look out for me. He
would check up on me when I'm not coming in for my regular checkup. He would like, he would know
the different, like, okay, this blood test is, uh, would, would worry me. But you're black and black people have certain situations where this would be changed here.
So you're OK. Like he knew things that, you know, and now I have he retired and I have a new doctor and I just don't have that.
It doesn't feel like they like me, not that they like me, but they don't have that connection anymore.
You know what I mean? So, yeah, it's nice to have a guy like i don't have that right now growing up i
went to the same guy from the time i was like 13 maybe till like i don't know like three or four
years ago the guy was like my age roughly maybe a couple years no no no well like he's just like a
family doctor you go to like the and like he but he'll do
anything yeah i go in i'd go in for for anything and um and he was like i don't know roughly my age
and like clearly on like trt or something because every time i'd see him he'd get buffer
and uh but but i don't have a guy right now i guess i've got you know with derek's clinic
i've got i've got that doctor that i that i get to talk to right now i'm like putting it off i gotta go in for blood work like i'm supposed to have
done it already it's time for my blood work it's like i gotta do it every every every six months
or so i have to do one and and like they already told me like hey we need that blood work and then
there's like the reminder like the friendly reminder, and then like, weeks have gone by.
Dude, I don't want to
do my blood work.
What happens if you don't do your blood work?
Well, they can't send me
any more medicine. Oh, they're going to cut you
off. They're going to take away your
superpowers. They would.
I mean, rightfully so.
At some point, they're going to be like, hey, we can't keep...
They're not going to send me anymore.
I don't need any more right now.
I've got plenty.
But next time I'm getting low, I'm going to have to go get the blood work because I'll need more juice.
But I hate the blood work.
That's what this is all about.
It's like every time I go, I'm going to get woozy and nauseous, and I i'm gonna need a cold fucking paper towel on my forehead
how much are they taking from you jesus like eight vials something like that it's not it's not that
i'm like losing so much that it's like the blood loss is making me woozy i just don't like that i
don't deal with the the uh the blood being taken out of that you don't like yeah i don't watch
intravenous stuff bob i don't look but i can you know it hurts and i can hear the blood
spraying into the vial it's spraying so like i don't know with such pressure it's just
and my blood is like almost black it's so dark i've got so many goddamn red blood cells
that's a good thing though bro it's like dark purple. Every time they go,
ooh!
It's a good thing until it clogs.
If it's just
dripping, I'd be a little
worried, right?
If it was coming out in chunks and spurts.
Cyclists and stuff.
Sometimes they take that to such an extreme
their blood is like gravy or something.
It's too thick.
Yeah.
I'm prepared to be quite the
endurance athlete if I decide
to turn that on soon.
See, now though, I have a hot doctor.
A hot female doctor.
Nice.
No, it's not nice. It's not what you think.
Because I'm in decent shape and stuff and
everything and but i'm like if i'm worried about certain lumps anywhere and like i gotta ask her
to check them out and it's like you know what i mean you should tell her dude that's how you hit
on her too this is the perfect way to hit on her professional here's what you say you're the doctor, I'm you. We're going to role play.
I think it's huge.
No, wait, wait, one minute.
It gets bigger.
It's cold outside.
It's cold outside.
I would say, Dr. Pretty Lady,
I need a referral
for another
whatever she does.
Whatever her title is.
Oh, why?
For someone else?
No, for me.
No, for me.
Are you moving?
No, I just feel more comfortable with someone that I wasn't so attracted to.
I find it hard to keep professional environment relationship between us.
Why not hit on her on your way out the door?
Because you need somebody checking lumps.
Yeah.
Good idea.
Try that, everyone.
Three things.
Three women I don't hit on is my doctor, my banker, and my accountant.
She's not your doctor anymore.
You're going to leave her.
What's the third one?
You're going to leave her.
Accountant.
Yeah, your list is three people too long.
She's not your doctor anymore.
You just made the case for your need to keep her though i need
to i can't mess that up you'll keep her you'll never lose this about supporting the community
is it one of those types do you want to make sure she gets the business i give her the
all to myself no that's what it's hard to it's hard to find a family doctor that to stick with
these days like a lot of them are out of office
a lot and they use nurse practitioners to check you out half the time where mine will like come
in and i get to see my actual doctor so it's like i hear a lot of stuff even like canada and usa
where they don't get to see their physical doctor as much i yelled at a dentist the other day it's
been months now but well no because they don't it was in public um i guess they're the front of their offices public ish um that that was when i
went in for that fucking emergency root canal and they didn't have a dentist there who could
perform a root canal oh and i was like what the fuck am i doing here for how does a dentist not
be able to do a root canal like it didn't even work like i went on their website and like filled
out the form and they're like what do you need and i'm like emergency root canal and uh and so
like i go in for my appointment and i'm she's like hey i'm gonna help you i'm like i'm here
she's like oh okay and i like go past her through and it's like a horse trough system
of like bays and like she goes in and like looks at my fucking tooth she's like oh yeah oh wow
so we're gonna take an x-ray and she like x-rays it and she like shows me and then she takes a
camera and take some pictures of it and then like a dentist comes in and she like shows me the x-rays
and the pictures and she's like yeah you need a root canal and i'm like yeah fucking hop too
i don't know why we i don't know why we
bothered with what's got to be brought my credit card everything yeah yeah i don't know why we
bothered with what's got to be two or three hundred dollars worth of like are you gonna
sign those did i put those like i don't know but let's get this out of here and they're like no we
you know no one here's like certified to do root canals or anything so we would need to refer you
to our like atlanta office and dunwoody or something you're gonna yeah they're gonna send me to a um
a different kind of dentist and like fucking dunwoody or some shit and it's like what the
fuck am i doing here what am i paying y'all for i'm like i'm not paying y'all anything for any of
this like you have wasted my time you have wasted my time and my entire day I'm going to sue everybody I pay for parking
This is a really fancy area
Can you validate this?
No, they didn't validate my parking
That's weird though
Who goes to dentistry school
and not know how to do root canal?
I thought that was like basics
I think what it was
I think that's like basics. I think what it was is they don't want to...
I think that's like some sort of
business model where they're paying
like a fucking junior dentist.
That's what I told her. I told the lady out front
and the lady out front got way too defensive
because I wasn't attacking her.
I was clearly attacking the people in the back.
She got a whole attitude.
I was like, y'all don't have any dentists here.
She's like, did you see the dentist?
I'm like, there's not a dentist back there. She back there so what are you talking about there's there's three
or four i'm like no y'all got a bunch of tooth cleaners back there yeah i was like y'all team
y'all clean teeth that's not dentistry like i can fucking brush them up real good give me that
little swirly thing and mr thirsty i'll put a tent up outside hang my fucking shingle too
vacuum that sucks your saliva out?
I bet there's not a syringe in the
room. Oh, that's what they offered me. She was
like, we could numb it up for you.
Really?
I was like, are you going to
numb me up and send me across the street to the
real dentist? They were like, no, the appointment would be
weeks from now. And I'm like, fuck
you. Fuck you. That's messed up,
bro. That's crazy. I broke that bitch off and. That's messed up, bro. Fuck you. That's crazy.
I broke that bitch off and just kept going.
I don't know.
That sounds suspect.
I don't know.
You should have got your money's worth.
Does this dick look big to you?
I didn't.
You know what?
Scan me again while I'm here.
Just keep getting extra.
No, I didn't pay for any of that.
And they tried to contact me because i made a stink about it
on here and like maybe mentioned their name or something like that but i just refused to take
their calls yeah it's called dog shit dentistry of atlanta that was so funny when that dude the
best was when like i i talked shit about that motorcycle dealership for forgive me a hard time
and the viewers of the show wrecked their google reviews so goddamn bad that the owner of the of like and it's like a chain of like 15 dealerships like the owner's
caught he's like i just got off the plane um they're telling me there's been a real snafu
i just want to know what can we do to make you happy and get you into them onto one of our bikes
like whatever it takes,
we'll give you a heck of a deal.
And I'm like,
I,
I'm on my new bike right now.
I bought a more expensive bike.
I paid more for it.
Like it was like two or $3,000 more.
I was like,
you know,
and told him the whole fucking story.
I don't want to.
Anyway,
I think they,
he was like,
he was like,
we would like you to go to the dealership and maybe help us.
They wanted me to go to the dealership and talk to the manager there about how she could train her employee to handle those situations better.
It's not even working for free.
Send them an invoice.
And I'm just like, I'm not going to go back there.
I'm not going back there.
I'm on my new motorcycle right now having a great day i hope those google reviews clear up though
do you y'all were y'all were ferocious on that y'all dude my favorite at one point in this story
they're like we don't sell motorcycles we sell fun and the reviews were like they sell type 3 fun
yeah like everybody was basically making their review my friend kyle went there and and then And the reviews were like, they sell type 3 fun. Yeah.
Everybody was basically making their review. My friend Kyle
went there and then a paragraph
that said how they treated me
and over and
over and over again.
Beautiful.
They didn't appreciate that.
That guy was an asshole.
Yes.
I'm just asking, was he an asshole,
or was he just doing what that store wanted him to do?
Oh, he was an asshole.
Yeah, they don't have a...
I would be very surprised if in this little motorcycle store
they have a training where they're like,
here are the ABCs of selling.
This is what you need to do.
I think they're just kind of turning them loose as salesmen in general but but no he was a dickhead and like i just had spent like
i don't know however much all of my my gear cost like in that store i told the guy on the phone i
was like i was like i just had spent like fifteen hundred dollars at your store last week i was
there to spend ten more thousand and i planned on spending at least another grand or two like
bluetoothing my shit out and getting bags and stuff they're like i'm your guy yeah
i'm a great and you couldn't have upset me more and treated me more poorly um so no i don't i
don't want to deal with your thing and but i'll tell my my viewers that that you you were nice
and they should leave you alone because you've been because you've dealt with the salesman or whatever.
Damn. I could have used you guys
many times. Oh my gosh.
I mean, all you got to do is go on Twitter
and be like, look what just happened.
Look at this motherfucker right here, guys. This is the guy.
His name's... You just throw
people out there. Throw their shit on the internet
these days. I see that on YouTube all the time.
Oh, gee.
See, i have a
thing where um i mean the black thing because i'll go into certain stores a lot new oh you're
pulling the race card but is there's a difference between you know getting treated differently and
being followed on the stores and then i went to a uh i like suits i like fashion men's clothing
and stuff right i go to a certain
clothing store. It was a while ago,
so I'm not going to get into it, but I'm looking at
some Boss and Tom Ford suits and
stuff.
I was in track pants and stuff.
No gold chains outside.
Nothing like that. No hood stuff.
I go in there
and it's an upscale store. The guy looks at me
and he goes,
our clearance rack is downstairs if you want to take a look. Straight off the bat. I go in there and it's an upscale store. And the guy looks at me and he goes, um,
we,
our clearance rack is downstairs.
If you want to take a look,
Jesus Christ,
straight off the bat,
straight off the bat.
And,
um,
I go,
um, no,
thanks.
I'm good.
And,
you know,
I'm looking at,
I'm looking at the suits and,
um,
you know,
the manager knows me like he wasn't there that day because I,
I,
I buy some very nice
stuff from him.
I'm just looking. This guy keeps going,
this guy keeps going,
that's a little expensive. I don't know if you'd
want that one. I go to
the tie section. I go, that's Dior. I don't
think you could do that.
I've had a meltdown on thing too.
Pretty woman.
I did Bro I did
I did
I mean I was a woman
But
So
I didn't say anything to him
Because at that point I was just like
If I was going to say something it was going to be bad
So I started walking out the store
And
I'm getting in my car and I turn on that.
I had my other Range Rover then.
And I just see the manager run out the store and he goes, Mr. Critchlow, Mr. Critchlow, how are you doing?
I'm sorry.
I didn't see you.
And I go and I told him what happened.
Oh, that's, you know, that's so and so.
That's that's Tom.
He's new.
We haven't really trained him yet or anything. And I go,
it doesn't fucking matter how much you train somebody like that's insane,
bro. Like I spent, you know,
thousands of dollars here for years and I'm not coming back.
Yeah. Why would I just ignore you? Sorry. Yeah.
Why would he just ignore you? Like, that's what I would do.
No, he was on me.
Like he thought I was going to like take a suit and run or something i got you you know
what i mean worse that's even worse well they didn't train him not to be racist so it's well
you know that was a while to learn that yeah all i want and i get it when people do that
that i wonder i would want to know like first of all that's deplorable but i'm i'd be curious like
are you just like that, bro?
Or did people still, now that would really justify it,
but did people still sit in the area?
You know what would be like, people come in here snatching and grabbing?
This was the Diamond District in Toronto.
And it was like.
A lot of crime there, yeah.
No, there's no.
The Mogadishu of North Carolina.
A Black Hawk Down scenario.
But yeah, I was upset.
But it happens to me almost daily, though.
And a lot of people don't believe me when I tell them that.
Have you considered that Michael Jackson skin bleaching?
I have.
I didn't want to go that route.
Well, it was the baseball player.
I'll support your right to transition into a white person
no I like
transition
you know like it would be
like this could be a
hilarious sketch as if
like that guy was being an absolute
like piece of shit to you
and then like as you're leaving like
talk to the other guy like an elderly
like Jewish woman goes in and he starts being like, yeah, that's a little too rich for you.
And it just turns out he's just a cunt to everyone.
Man, I'm not going to afford that.
Yeah, I would like that if he was just awful to everyone. Bro, like three days ago, I was outside
at the grocery store and
I was looking in my car because
I forgot my debit card.
I was looking in my back window because
I think I left it on the back seat.
Some guy comes to me and he goes,
hey, you shouldn't be messing with that person's car.
That's an expensive car.
Yeah, just like that.
Oh no. It's... I put down my crowbar. That's an expensive car. Yeah, just like that. And I just...
It's...
And so I put down my crowbar.
But there's some things that you can
respond to, and you don't want to
be the stereotypical response
because you're playing into
what they think, right?
Canadians are more racist than Americans. No, no, no, do not. Go crazy now. What is it that you're playing into what they think, right? Canadians are more racist than Americans.
No, no, no, they're not.
No, no, don't go crazy now.
What is it that you're doing, Wolf?
This never happens to me.
But no, I'm in the States every other weekend, right?
Because I have business on there.
Canadians are just better at hiding it.
So if I go down to the States,
it's more blatant where you come up north
and it's more
side-eye stuff.
You know what I mean? And they're equally
shitty. What's better
is they're both bad.
I mean,
in the States, it's more dangerous.
Because I was at a paintball game in
upstate New York.
And after the game, we had a dinner, right, for the paintballers.
So I was in my suit.
I just got fancied up for the paintball dinner, stuff like that.
Went out of my hotel room, and I'm sitting in my car.
I was driving a Land Rover back then.
And I'm just putting in the directions for the restaurant in my GPS.
Four cruisers pull up to me.
Lights on, guns out, ready, drawn, ready to go.
I'm just sitting in my car in a suit, not tie, but, you know, jacket and everything.
Minding my own business, just as little Canuck, relaxing.
They thought I was some major drug dealer or something like that.
And they just, like,s out, ready to go.
Why were they there?
Because someone called
them that a
drug dealer was sitting outside or something.
Were you being black at the time?
I was. It happened.
That's not even the worst part, though.
Did they say you had a gun?
No.
You match the description of someone you're looking for.
Well, I mean.
Well, that was true.
That was true.
I told them.
I said some legal things.
I asked for badge numbers.
I asked for a supervisor to be on if they wanted to search a car. I did all the, because I studied pre-law and stuff, right? So I wanted the staff sergeant's
number. I wanted everything that filed complaints and stuff. And I guess they heard me speak proper
English. So they backed off or something, who knows. Now I went to dinner, I was pissed,
whatever. I got to hang out with some paintball friends and everything on the way home on the way back to the hotel after dinner i got pulled over again on the way back
and it's weird because i'm driving and i see the police car you know opposite coming towards me
and i go and they looked at me a little too much you know and i i did a side eye just a double
check i played normal i wasn't sweating or nothing and i'm driving i just see that what kind of
sorry what kind of game are we throwing up you represent canadian all day baby
that maple yeah all right and i got pulled over again and it's like at that point i'm like
for bloody sake and i can't say anything i'm, you know, it's not like the movies where you can start,
F you, man, you're pulling me over because I'm black.
And then getting in a fight and getting put in jail for the night.
I just play the game.
I said, yeah, I'm here.
And it's like, it's depressing.
Depressing.
And then I just go back and I play my game the next day have fun
yada yada but it's a regular thing right and it's it happens i mean but it happens a lot less up
north i'll give you that much that those sound like situations that were brought on because
your color but i mean i've had the same situations but because of what like i mean i've been pulled
over and like we all have to get out and sit on the curb when
they go through all my shit yeah and i was driving one time and i had a pistol in the seat like just
sitting in the passenger seat of my car and a truck driver must have been able to see down into
the car and see the pistol yeah he calls the cops and says i'm brandishing it i'm waving it around
so when they pull me over they got a whole different attitude than you'd
normally expect yeah yeah they're like ready to fight and it's like shit like i've got to
i gotta like bring us bring this whole situation down so yeah like i let him push the car i was
i was like yeah search the car like there's nothing in there but machine guns and money he's like yeah cool right yeah but it's like i was i'm
gonna explain to this guy why there's machine guns and money and y'all go look at the machine
guns and money now put me in your place now think of how that might have worked out well i had to
explain work why i had machine guns and money.
Yeah, but you got the chance to explain when I have had that chance.
I mean, they had their hands on their pistols.
I had my hands up.
I sat down on the curb.
It was a tense situation.
I can't remember if I've had guns pointed at me.
I don't think I have.
I've had the guns drawn when you know when they when they arrested me
i think they had their guns out or maybe they were like hands on and point i did have i had a panic
attack like like right after that so that's a little fuzzy i don't remember that those moments
exactly but uh i don't i've definitely never had them like pointed at me but i've had like you know
they they showed up to like serve that uh warrant to get explosives that time and they were like
a phalanx of them with machine guns
snipers and helicopters
and shit so
but no I guess when I get pulled over
for like speeding or whatever it doesn't seem
like a do or die type situation ever
it's usually a I don't know
I really don't even mind it's like let's see if we can
like get this guy to be nice to us
kind of a fun game speeding tickets I have no background i have no record and i get pulled
over all the time but it's decreased do you have any of those do you have any of those like blue
line placards and shit on your car because that's the move you need to like i've got one on my visor
so there's one of those there's like um policemen um like groups that you can give money to yeah and if you give
them like substantial amounts of money like five ten thousand dollars you can stick this placard
on your car and they'll know when they show up that you're one of the good ones yeah one of the
good ones now one funny story though i got pulled over pulled over because I had a lady friend doing stuff to me as I was driving.
And the sunroof was open.
Reckless driving.
Yeah.
And it could be seen, even though my side windows were tinted.
Nothing wrong with that.
There's no crime against that.
Yeah, but I still got pulled over.
You're in your vehicle.
Yeah, but I'm just driving and stuff was happening. Yeah, that's the problem. There's no crime against that. Yeah, but I still got the war. You're in your vehicle. Yeah, but I'm just driving and stuff
was happening. Yeah, that's the problem.
It's the record.
But you know what? He was actually, that officer
was actually cool about it.
Yeah, you don't have to wear clothes in your car.
You don't have to wear clothes. Pretty much, yeah.
Damn, I heard that
you were going pretty rad down the highway,
eh?
You're acting like a car is a house, almost.
You don't have to wear clothes in your car, is that what you just said?
Technically a ship.
You're a sovereign citizen.
It's a vessel.
It's not like international waters or anything.
You'd be surprised.
Chekhov would say a Wessel.
I'm like 99.999%
sure you do not have to wear your
clothes in your car.
I prefer people feeling on
hot leather in that situation.
I got air conditioned seats.
I do.
You don't want to have that going with your
bare back. Air conditioned seats are great, you don't want to have that going with your bare back.
Air conditioned seats are great,
but I only need them because they're leather.
If seats were considered the good ones,
I wouldn't have these problems.
Off seats.
Some of the material feels good.
Very long time.
But,
but I just can't do the cloth seats.
Like,
like they're better.
I really like leather.
They can stay.
Every time people say that's's hot in the summer,
cold in the winter thing,
it's like you just keep your car in the hot sun
and get in and out of it over and over.
Are you bare-ass?
What's the fucking problem?
Who can't take this?
We just covered this, Kyle.
It takes 30 seconds.
I remote start my car, and like sees or heats the seat before
i fucking get in the seat's always perfect yeah yeah and we're spoiled though not all cars have
that right so my car's over a decade old like like it's every car it was real nice a decade ago
no no every car does not have that the cars lot of cars don't have that, bro.
All right.
Well, I thought they did.
Kyle's out of touch with the common man.
I'm talking about a decade-old Camaro that just happens to have the... I mean, it's the good one.
A baller decade-old car that makes my neighbor want to fuck you.
But yeah.
Well, I think your neighbor's just a whore, dude.
I think she was sending you some signals, probably.
She was recently divorced, I think. Oh the um nice what am i looking for not the meme
the stereotype that like post-divorce women have a slutty face no i was below you i i was literally
i was literally making my way up the eastern seaboard fucking women that was what that trip was like your genghis khan
every area code it was like like i i made like a zip code a girl wanted to see me in south carolina
and but i also knew a girl in north carolina so i was like hey i come see you like you know after
i didn't tell her like after but i was like you know this day i'll see you and then and then i knew another girl that was i won't get too too specific but a couple
states higher so like i went on a whole like east coast like a little vacation there and i popped
in saw woody hung out with him it was just a great time that's the first time i ever watched 919
covered yep
that was the first ufc that was the first ufc pay-per-view I ever watched it was John Zones
versus Chael Sonnen I uh I saw an interview recently with Chael Sonnen and he said that
was one of the times when he was scared he was like I knew I wasn't gonna go out there and win
I knew that I was the lamb being led to slaughter I mean you look at him right
what was I gonna do yeah oh of course and then I also and I had at him, right? What was I going to do? Yeah. Oh, of course. And then I also,
and I had the clip on my phone.
I think I can like send it later because I wanted to like have it forever.
It's the moment Joe Rogan pointed out to John Jones after that fight,
like in the interview that his toe, his big toe,
like imagine this is your toe and like, these are your other smaller toes.
This is your big toe. It are your other smaller toes um this all right this is your big
toe it's broken and gone this direction and so it has torn off right here essentially his toe has
been torn away from his foot laterally not back and it has ripped open and you can see white meat
blood and the bone is clearly just broken in half. And he was doing it as he defeated Chael Sonnen at the end of the first round.
If Chael Sonnen had survived that first round,
he would have been the UFC light heavyweight champion,
ending Jon Jones' unbeaten streak,
because Jon Jones could not have gone out with that injury.
It's one of those injuries where a doctor stops it.
And yeah, they put him on a fucking stool.
He is in shock right here.
The reason I want Woody to see it
is it's the first time I've seen John out of character.
John is like hyped up champion John.
He sees his toe and he has a panic attack.
I know what he's feeling right there.
He's borderline gonna vomit.
See, look how he's holding his midsection.
He's protecting himself right now because he's scared.
Yeah, he's having to sit because he can't fucking stand. He's protecting himself right now because he's scared. Yeah. He's having to sit because
he can't fucking stand.
He's terrified. He's
dizzy right now.
Get him to the doctor. Really? You know what he's doing?
He's ripping a fucking promo for his next
fight. He's letting him know that he's
John Bones Jones.
He just finished the
mouth and now he wants this other guy.
John Bones Jones.
How did he beat Chael?
He ground and pounded him, TKO.
He repeatedly picked double-legged Chael, put him on the fence,
and fucking got on him, and it was him pushing him.
Is that what ended?
Specifically, that's how the fight ended?
That's how I picture the fight ending, is him on top of Chael,
pounding, and Chael just covering up.
He's been double-legged multiple times.
He's been just ruined in the wrestling game, because that was Chael pounding and Chael just covering up. He's been double-legged multiple times. He's been
just ruined in the wrestling game because that's
Chael's thing. He out-wrestles the
wrestler. He out-strikes the striker.
That's
why I love that guy. He's so good.
He's the baddest motherfucker in the world.
Jon Jones?
He's talking about, I think he switched
to Khabib.
Oh, Khabib, yes. You know know that's not true so I won't even
jump into MMA and
upset everyone with like 30 minutes
of me disproving that silliness
but that being all that being
said I wanted to ask Wolf if he's seen that
the nonsense that is that slap
league that Dana White puts on
yeah did you see the guy's
face was deformed yeah
it's all swollen
do you want to hear a quick uh cool ufc story yeah um so um i'm not a ufc watcher uh i i've
never gotten into it um i'm like old school martial arts guy who didn't like it at first
and stuff like that but the first time I got into UFC was I was in playing
paintball. They flew me down to Las
Vegas to play paintball
to host a Randy
Couture game that
he did for his...
He had like a wounded
warrior thing.
And I got to meet Randy Couture
and very cool. He signed this for me.
Ooh, my goggle.
Oh, no.
Can you see?
Yeah, that's perfect.
You got it.
He signed that to me, and he invited me to a match,
which was very cool.
It was on a strip somewhere,
and I got to sit beside this guy named Dana White.
I heard.
And he runs the whole thing, obviously, right?
So it was like, and it was cool because I was in great shape back then.
And everybody was asking me to take pictures and stuff
because they thought I was some upcoming fighter.
Yeah.
Because I'm shaking hands with Dana.
You got your head shape too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're all taking pictures of me and asking who i was and stuff oh i'm just a paintball player and stuff oh you should have played it up man i thought about it
but yeah and i didn't want to be that guy oh yeah i spent three years in thailand a couple years in
japan you know there you go but it's just not real there you know i kept running into that horse shit those fucking luchadors and shit i'm here for
the real deal you know i want to mix it up yeah there you go my nickname is the next one which
is funny because you're my next one baby there you go all right that's yeah no that's the thing
is just a step too far to me like too far what's the step of the slap league thing is just a step too far to me. Too far? What's the step of the slap league?
It's just violence for the sake of violence.
It's like, it's Americanism.
It's like that saccharine sweet, oh, MMA fixed boxing.
And this feels like, oh, so the part you like about MMA is people just getting smashed in the face?
Do you like that?
You like people getting smashed in the face?
Well, come watch this where people just get smashed in the face. And I don't like that. I don't want to see him get smashed in the face. Do you like that? Do you like people getting smashed in the face? Well, come watch this where people just get smashed in the face.
And I don't like that. I don't want to
see him get smashed in the face.
And have your eardrums popped.
And they're not athletes either.
He got slapped so hard he became Eastern European.
That's what that guy's face shape looked like.
I would like it.
I just assumed he was. It didn't occur to me he wasn't prior to the event.
They slapped the check
into him.
I don't like that they're
recruiting from fighters and big strong
guys too. If it was regular people
on the street slapping each other,
that you could almost watch. A regular dude
slapping another dude. But the fact that they've
got these giant muscle men destroying
each other, I can't stand it.
If you're going to watch it, that's what you want, right?
I went down this rabbit hole the other day with these amateur fighters.
Is it Barstool Sports?
Could be.
Oh, Rough and Rowdy.
I've seen some.
Yeah, that's it.
And they get rednecks fighting each other.
And it's the most trailer park insanity that you ever see and these guys like fight it out
and i don't know if it's was it just boxing or is it also kicking it i think it's just boxing
yeah yeah and it was like you know something you'd see it like in a crappy little waterhole
bar somewhere in the middle of nowhere and you just get these guys in the ring and they pummel
each other and i was so entertained by it oh yeah the clips i've
seen of it like they don't know how like they telegraph all their punches yeah like a lot of
them are just big bruiser guys regular guys it's exhibition matches yeah with people who are like
i could do this and so it'll be like two midgets and they'll fight like they'll have like midget
the midget fight of the night and then dave Portnoy and big cats sit there and be like,
Oh,
not a very heavy punch,
but look at his form.
Yeah.
That's not good either.
Like just rip on it.
And then they'll do other things where like,
there's not even the premise of fairness in some of it.
Like Dave will like,
I saw a clip where Dave was Dave Portnoy.
I was,
he was talking about,
he's like,
Oh,
honestly,
whoever made this match was probably betting on it this
is not fair sorry folks this is not fair like you know big country's getting his shit pushed in it
that's almost like more enticing than like the pros in a way is like watching these heavy hands
throw them at each other and they'll get like either like two like ridiculously overweight
guys pummeling each other or two amateur meth heads like trying
to knock each other out and yeah that's okay if it's just like on but but if it's a pay-per-view
those have all been some of my bigger disappointments i remember um this is another
little memory i have this is when i was driving to your house for that trip i referenced a few
minutes ago they i think howard stern had like maybe it was a rerun it was back when the william the fridge
perry maybe a big oh wow he was gonna fight like some super tall guy it was like a freak fight that
was being put on and i think stern was like you know being himself and like like promoting the
fight and like uh i can't remember what, but I'm sure it was just an awful
shit show where
nobody was in shape and they all looked pathetic.
That I don't want to see.
I'm kind of on the other side of that.
Here's the thing.
I enjoy all fights.
Every fight where the two people really want
to fight, I am there for it.
It doesn't matter to me if it's the
elite of the elite john
jones against uh cyril gagne that's a great fight i want to see it two fucking 14 year olds angry as
fucking a playground someone get their camera out i enjoy that fight i enjoy high school fights i
enjoy bar fights i enjoy octagon fights every fight is interesting to me oh i enjoy if women fight and
you get a little little little x-rated shot in there no no that's not what i'm talking about
i'm talking about more of in like a domestic scenario when they
no i want fights where two people want to fight that's big the thing that i oh she thought she
did the thing i'm really attracted
to is when both people think they win and can't imagine that they're not going to win how dare
you think you're better than me i am clearly better than you and when they both have that
same disagreement head into the fight that doesn't always happen like when chael sonnen went against
john jones he kind of knew he was going to lose a lot of people are like well i'm the underdog but
i'm hoping i get the shot in you know what what? That guy can beat me 10 ways, but I
can beat him one and I'm here for it. I like that fight, but I love it when they're like, how dare
you? How dare you think you're better than me? I am obviously better than you and it's not close.
Let me prove it. And when they both have that same mindset, I love that fight. It's not really
about how skilled the fighter is.
It could be middle school.
I want to see it.
But you know what amazes me is how many people don't know how to throw a punch.
Like how many people have never learned how to fight?
I mean, we just don't need to if we're being honest, right?
Like when's the last time you threw a punch in anger?
Yeah, but it's – What day is it?
All right. And it turns out none of us need to know
all y'all have guns and shit anyway like you don't y'all could be in a fucking wheelchair
and you're still the baddest motherfuckers on your block bad taste i learned i was a fight
with my hands though like that's you know To be able to defend yourself was huge.
I hear you.
I'm from the suburbs.
I'm not from the hood or anything.
That's the first thing I learned back in the day.
We're watching kung fu flicks every day.
You know what I mean?
I took my son to learn boxing and my daughter to do taekwondo.
It's not the greatest sport in the world.
There's a lot of people who don't know how to throw a proper punch and it's surprising people
can't throw a ball did you guys do uh karate yeah there are a lot of people who can't throw a ball
that's why did you guys do karate a lot of people can't swim right back at you
i cannot swim very well not at all really i can swim I can swim so well. I'm like a fish. I love it.
I got my scuba license and everything.
Well, I don't have that.
Okay.
You're the better swimmer.
No, but hold on.
You said throw a ball.
Okay.
That's kind of weird.
But yeah.
It comes up.
All right.
So let me tell you.
It depends on the kind of ball.
I wouldn't be confident that I can throw a tight spiral.
Can everybody ride a bike?
Of course.
Don't say of course there's people who
can't do it well like we ride motorcycles woody rides at a very high level yeah he's yeah yeah
and like if you're an american like straight man you you know how to ride a bicycle everyone knows
but um rewind me like five seconds riding a bike throwing a punch i think you were gonna
oh it's not just about throwing a ball it's like like if you're hanging out with guys sometimes you like throw
me this that or the other if you work on a car throw me this if you if you if you're if you're
like working on a paintball throw me that if you can't throw a thing in a way that it is masculine
then then like you might as well have had grease spilt on you as a child i don't want
i don't want nothing to do with you.
There's something wrong.
Disgusting.
Could you throw a pitch, a first pitch at a baseball game?
Yeah.
Could you make it to the batter?
All night?
Well, I think I could make it there, but I just don't know how.
It wouldn't be in the strike zone or anything.
I might need a mobile catcher.
So are we talking about no training like no practice like we gotta step over there right now no no i
mean okay if you knew you had to throw out the first pitch if you you know how much time a week
or so like oh man yeah so here's what you do you immediately like get yourself a pitching coach
be very easy to get like right away like you'd be able to reach out on your local social media social media get somebody
to community college a high school guy they would love to be part of your your fucking thing you're
doing but look at how many guys can't do it though like um do you remember baba buoy it's hard
during show when he threw his and it was like really bad like they made fun of him for years after yes it's wild coach
it's almost like yeah it's almost like he made a conscious decision to make millions of dollars
by throwing a ball poorly and being the worst pitch ever thrown it's almost like he knew he
was going to write a book about it and that came out like a year later called my name is baba booey or whatever
and it's it's almost like he got to go on jimmy kimmel and get huge ratings there and promote his
book and throw another bad pitch on perfect yeah i think that that he's he works for howard fucking
stern he has no morals he has no goddamn soul i've seen him sell out his family his wife and
everyone that loves him that's his family his wife and everyone that
loves him that's true howard stern and howard stern's ratings while he gets like shit on i don't
know i'm not talking about behind the scenes howard no i hear what you're saying no i think
it's fake yeah i think the whole thing was fake for ratings for book sales the way he threw it
would take even a ridiculous amount of skill to throw it almost like a coach almost like he had
a pitching coach he was working with.
Yeah. Look, I'd throw it
over there. Do you have video of that? Because it was...
Wait a minute.
Is that Baba Booey
throwing it? No, it's not.
That's some old man
at an old-timers game, I guess.
It's rather embarrassing.
There's one girl who hit a
cameraman once,
but that Baba Booey throw was like –
but there's a lot of guys who could not do that.
So the pitch off the mound is a challenge.
It is.
You would want practice, and you're going to need to strengthen your arm.
You need to loosen up.
You'd get good at it.
But you could throw catch with a guy and get it up there
to the point where it would be embarrassing.
As long as your nerves aren't getting to you,
that would be the deciding factor. It's not going to be
your skill if you have a week to practice.
All that being said, I'm really talking about
not throwing a baseball from pitchers,
man. I'm talking about you just need to be able to toss things to
another dude appropriately
the right way.
I can tell if you throw me some shit
if you're a fucking...
I don't know.
If you throw me shit like a loser, I'm going to see it. I have a different thing. If you throw me a key like a loser,
I'm going to see it.
I don't care how masculine your throw is,
but how catchable your throw is.
Exactly. If we're both in the kitchen
and you're throwing me your keys,
dude, don't go overhand.
I'm not looking to be...
I always throw overhand.
No, I throw.
Make it easy to catch.
That's what I want to see of course i want i
want it right here in the pocket and of course overhand's fine i've made you know uh but uh but
but i don't know i've worked on enough like construction like jobs and stuff like that
and it's like you're throwing shit around a lot you're sharing tools and stuff and like
i just i'll never forget like the first time i saw one of those kids who
was like an other other than like the melted face kids and shit um my uh one of my friends had a
friend come down from maryland his cousin from maryland and it was almost like that episode of
south park where the other kyle comes to visit the like super jewish kyle he's like oil and water
he's like he's like uh like super neurotic it's it's he just doesn't
fit in at all and and my friend's cousin was like that he like he didn't call drinks what we call
drinks like like we we'd be like i'm thirsty i need a coke he'd be like he'd ask for a pop
and we all just like looked at him like he just admitted to being a communist or something like
that everybody's heads turn that minnesota talk. He used the wrong three fingers to say three or something.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you know this dude.
He was clearly fucking
an other, and we all
took note of it. And somebody was like,
yeah, he's a Yankee. And it's like, I don't care
where he's from, he just talks funny.
He's kind of weird. He's all pale.
He didn't know how to swim. We're at the lake.
You know? He didn't know how to swim. They don't have water up north.
You don't have to
enough
that when I say swim,
I mean not afraid to go
out there. I can swim
while I'm out there.
He was scared to get in the
water with us.
We're all in the water and he's standing up there.
Anyway.
You'd be surprised. When I'm in the water with us. We're all in the water and he's standing up there. Anyway. You'd be surprised.
When I'm in the bush.
Everybody from the north can't swim.
Or the ocean.
That's a smoke grenade.
Sometimes I'll hand stuff to a kid.
I'll say, I'll pull the pin.
I go, hey, you want to throw a smoke grenade?
It's really cool.
Or it'll be a man right and they can't throw like they'll throw it and it'll
flip off their back finger finger and go like two feet and hit their teammate in the head or
something like that yeah and it goes nowhere like no arm at all have they not seen like movies
everyone knows you throw the grenade in like that like you're in a trench like over your head like no never throw like that's how you do it in a film that's how you're trained to do it
in the military and that's that's to make sure that even the retards get the grenade over there
when you throw a grenade you fucking hurl it hurl it yes like i don't care what they
am i gonna look foolish if i don't do it in the affirmed military this is actually new to me so if you're in the army right they train you to do the thing taylor says i
presume that's what they do in tv but if you're like active people use their actual throwing motion
they can oh yeah outside of training i'm telling you if i'm throwing that fucking m67 like baseball
grenade yeah i'm not doing one of these.
I can only throw it 15 yards or something
like that. It's going to roll to that.
I can hurl it.
If you gave me something really heavy,
that might impact my ability to
throw it. Is it heavy and dense?
It's not that crazy.
I don't know.
Let me show you something. This is an average size
smoke grenade, right?
I'll take this. I'll take it in my
kit. I can throw it a good distance.
It's got some weight, right?
Then you have
something like this that's called a cloud
burster.
This is like a football
throwing. Why do you have that indoors?
Which one would be cooler?
Just storing that in a shed somewhere.
It would be trapped in here with me.
If you popped it, I'm just saying.
Put that money in the Patreon and I'll open it indoors in a plastic bucket or something.
Oh, we're talking about like $50?
I don't know.
We got to get the money.
I got to pay rent.
Oh, we're talking about like $50?
I don't know. We got to get the money.
I got to pay rent.
But it's amazing how many people just can't know,
don't know how to lob it. And it's like,
there's a scene in the movie Black Hawk Down,
and I know it's just a movie, whatever,
but there's a scene where this guy,
they're being held down by
oncoming fire, right?
And one of the
special forces guys has said, sir, we gotta move.
We're ducked down. You gotta keep up.
And he goes, okay, my guys,
I'm gonna do this, you do this. He takes
a grenade and he throws it into
an apartment window like
six floors up and
blows up the guy inside. Perfect shot, right?
And it's like, you gotta have an arm
to do that. You know what I mean? And even
though it's just a movie, I know a lot of ex-military guys in they can throw you know
what i mean so it's not especially like i've thrown flashbangs and throw grenades smoke grenades i've
never thrown a grenade because i wouldn't have a throwing grenades is so night 20th century don't
you know we drop from drones now oh yeah yeah, easy. What's the name of the rocket launcher?
Shoot, I can't remember.
The compact
rocket launcher. Those things are beautiful.
They had 13 hours.
I'm talking about the war in Ukraine
with those drone drops.
Oh, yeah. Those are cool.
You see the live cameras when they drop those things?
We've seen so many people.
I've seen all that
there is to see. He sends like two
videos of people dying every day in the chat.
I'm like, this is bad for my soul, man.
I don't want to watch it.
Taylor, those are my creme
de la creme.
Every once in a while, Kyle will be like,
check this one out and no other thing.
And then you start watching it and it's just
abhorrent.
Every once in a while, Taylor, someone survives.
So Kyle doesn't waste your time with those.
He was only wounded.
No, his jaw is like over there now.
It's just a light maiming.
I watched one today.
The guy was sleeping and the grenade landed on his jaw.
And in his like, oh, by the way, he's in a trench.
So if he was clear headed, he could have just taken it, thrown it outside the trench and he would have been fine.
But he wasn't clear.
He's only been up for less than a second.
So he took the grenade and threw it behind his head by like a foot.
He didn't make it.
No, you don't want to make it usually um no it's
it's wild stuff i've seen the suicide drones the ones that just plow straight into someone
and you get you're like on the nose of that thing as some guy i saw some guy like sitting on a tank
they go for people or equipment this one went for a person on a tank so yes it like you see the side of his face as it's like and then it goes
and like goes like fuzzy and it's like oh shit oh shit i hate that you don't get footage after
the crash i know it's an impossibility like i get why but i really want to see what happened
right afterwards i need that ac-130 footage you know i saw that uh i think that
in pennsylvania is where they're making a lot of the artillery shells they said those factories
are working 24 hours a day you can't keep making yeah making artillery shells for ukrainians it's
wild that's the newest thing now that they're saying um the war is not about um soldiers on
foot and it's not about uh planes and stuff it's all about it's about artillery it's not about planes and stuff.
It's all about,
it's about artillery.
It's all about what,
you know,
it's about artillery and whatever they're shooting it from RPGs all the way
to,
you know,
whatever you have,
like it's,
it's,
they got to keep keeping up with missile ammunition.
That type of stuff is like the hard part right now.
And they can't keep up with the,
it's been really,
it's been really fun to watch.
This week,
the fresh thing is that that
MiG sort of collided
with our
drone.
If you saw what it did, it's really
curious. I didn't understand what I was looking at
at first. It's coming in really hard,
and then it's banking, I guess, but it's doing
it while ejecting fuel. That's its fuel that it's spraying and i wonder and it's clearly using
that to try to disable the thing they keep saying it made impact with propeller and i can see the
propellers bent and like like it clearly stops working or whatever but i wonder if the fuel did
that because i'm just thinking like maybe if if it hit that liquid it's not made to hit liquid but it's going so fast would
it just be atomized liquid at that point like like like it's like there was a lot of it coming out
yeah a lot of liquid coming out it did seem like it but it is going so fast i don't know i i guess
that liquid was it using was it using that fuel to try to disable the drone that was the plan i
guess yeah yeah interesting mess up the propellers. Yeah, it went down.
I guess the Pentagon said they deleted
whatever telemetry data it might have
that Russians could glean from recovering
it, and the Russians are there recovering small
fragments, they say. The Black Sea felon?
Yeah, it went like 80 nautical miles from
the point that they impacted it, I think I read.
Who's
aerospace was it?
International. Yeah, that's interesting yeah yeah i don't know where
to come from that to santa so here's the tucker carlson sent a questionnaire to all the presidential
candidates i think that includes the president and he asked them for basically their stance on
ukraine it was a bunch of questions but that was what it was about.
And DeSantis came back and basically was like, not in for the Ukrainian war.
He doesn't want it.
And they're comparing him to like the Hitler appeasers who are like, yeah, you know what?
Just get Poland and stop there or wherever.
I don't know what the truth is.
I feel like you can only really know in hindsight.
It's good for the economy, Woody. I'm down for this thing for the long haul. I love it. I don't know what the truth is. I feel like you can only really know in hindsight. It's good for the economy, Woody.
I'm down for this thing for the long haul.
I love it. I love it.
We're going to have
one of the most powerful
armies in
Europe owing us
everything right on the front door
of our old enemy who's fallen
down and gotten old and rickety
and we're going to get to humiliate them for the next decade
and a half over this shit.
This is their Vietnam smeared all
in their fucking wounds, like doo-doo
in your eye kind of shit. This is
wonderful what's happening, and I hope it keeps going
and drags on forever. Not a single
American has died. They didn't volunteer
because they watched too much Fox
News. Don't go over there, y'all. What are
you doing?
Y'all, do you have Reddit?
I have a friend who went over there.
I have a friend who's over there now.
It's a bad move.
He invited people.
It depends what he's doing.
Is he fighting?
He's training.
I've talked to people there,
and I know that you can go to Kiev right now. It's very,
very safe. You can go to
really expensive hotels for
fairly affordable rates.
There's a hotel they told me that we're all...
What does that do there?
I mean, it's a...
Murder Russians?
There's no battle in Kiev.
Kiev is like...
No, but if you told me that they had
awesome cheap hotels in Memphis,
I'm not going.
You're comparing Memphis to Kiev?
Is there a Kiev rollercoaster park?
I doubt that's running.
I think it's a beautiful historical city.
The main reason to go
would be, I just feel like over in poland there's got
to be so many ukrainian single ladies just just piling up over there oh by the way uh i'm flying
to poland to play host a game and uh on may 4th that's awesome let us know if i'm right about the
ukrainian ladies on that for you how did that get uh set up again in poland um there's a huge massive game
that happens in put on by germans right it's called a scenario big game um and uh if it's
called that if you want to go on their um instagram they're called uh battleground paintball and it's
amazing because they have they use actual tanks
in their games. Actual tanks,
actual personnel carriers.
When you destroy an enemy
base, they actually set the whole building on fire.
That's sick.
They have strippers
off the field, so when you come
off, they'll clean your
gear, topless um what's the alcohol
situation it's europe live band that's crazy it's crazy it's huh you drink and play no i don't know
i asked because some of those european countries they they treat like a five percent beer like
it's a fucking apple juice yeah yeah of course you can have a beer and drive.
What are you, a pussy?
Americans are very, very
limited when it comes to that.
You had a whiskey.
When I play in the States and stuff, they're all worried
about insurance and stuff.
I was supposed to play in Russia
in 2020.
No, 2021. I'm sorry.
I hope somebody tells the driver about this
tard laying here here proned
out in the smoke in front of the tank they know what they're doing they know what they're doing
all right everybody out of the way
what was that oh that's a speed bump it's all good
but yeah it's it's an amazing game and uh it's going to be huge. I think it's like 2,000, 2,000 to 3,000 players.
Both sides have real tanks.
They have a real chopper flying around.
They have tons of gear.
The only thing that sucks is I can't take my personal marker over there
because it has to be stamped if it's mag fed looking.
But, yeah, they use all that stuff, and I'm really excited to do it.
But it's unlike anything else
you've ever seen every single video you it's got to be blurred out because the girls are dancing
topless and they're playing on stage and and they wipe off your gear your mask when you come in and
it's it's it's it's freedom i don't know anybody as cool as it sounds for like i don't know a teenager or something i'd be like do not
fucking scratch my goggles up i'm so meticulous when i clean my shit
you bitch if i get like one visible scratch i'm throwing that shit away i'm giving it to somebody
you know whatever it's like i can't i can't deal with it if i scratch a watch if i scratch any like
electronic like like i can't deal with that my car I scratch a watch, if I scratch any electronic, I can't deal with that.
My car's got three scratches on them. I know where they are.
I know where they are.
I have a special
band for my Apple Watch
made by this guy named Rhino.
I play with this on
and so far survived several paintball hits
because I like to have my fitness
going when I play.
We've talked about those uh those
crystal coatings um sapphire coatings on watches they're just invincible as far as a coating or is
it the glass it's a glass it's almost like gorilla glass at that point it's better than i think i
think gorilla glass is weaker but i love like keeping track of my you know how much i'm doing
and how much i'm doing uh weight i'm losing during a game and calories and all that crap.
Oh, yeah.
That'd be neat.
I've never monitored while doing a thing like that.
Yeah.
I guess I have.
I'm playing for six hours, bro.
Circles just go around like five times.
It's crazy.
You're probably like eight pounds lighter with water loss.
Especially when I wear my gear.
It's insane.
Yeah, I remember you wearing a get-up way back in the day that looked hot.
Hot and heavy, baby.
I kept going back into that little room, and I'm like, I'll just do a long-sleeve shirt.
And by the end, I was just wearing a T-shirt and shorts.
It was so fucking hot.
I got to play nothing.
That thing's heavy.
I can't even lift it right now.
I haven't paintballed in, i don't think since that what was that 12 years ago 11
years ago something like that that would be a bunch of fun woody and i went with uh on the
trip to that other place in chicago uh it was me woody um paintball explosion was um joe was on that one i know um was a um white robot was there
robot yeah white um what's his name white street white boy seven white boy seven see there
i can't remember it was there oh yeah yeah yeah yeah because i remember me you and chis at the
walmart across the street from paintball explosionosion getting some, like, I don't know, water or, like, Band-Aids or whatever we needed to, like, start our second day.
I have a vivid memory of that morning.
Yeah.
That was a cool park.
They're the ones that have the Nuketown paintball field.
It's, like, exactly like Nuketown from Call of Duty.
And it's kind of weird, like, going there in person and walking around there and, and like experiencing something that you've played virtually so many times and it's very accurate
that was the coolest part to me there there was a lot of woods ball we played and uh i was in
decent shape for especially for running like i've been doing a lot of running leading up to that and
so i had a great fucking time and and like didn't overheat or anything, but it was a hot
fucking weekend. Every weekend that we've
done one of those has been a scorcher
where you've got to tell,
hey, hydrate. Actually do it.
Just drink a bottle. Just do it.
You will pass out.
I saw some people
getting... We definitely saw some people go down.
I'll never forget the man
wearing the bikini with his big man titties.
They posed him with pictures
with Woody and I.
That was great.
And then poor Woody, like always,
caught like the worst.
He got shot in the face.
He got shot right in the face.
Every time I've ever gone paintballing, I got shot in the face.
Friendly fire, like point blank
to the chin.
It was under the goggles?
I have
a face mask on, but like
my face is just a little bit too big.
The chin is a little lower.
And then
I think I got shot in the forehead once really
well too.
He was wounded.
Here's another vivid memory I have it's me it's me you and maybe chis and we're at like an ihop or a denny's
eating after paintball and you have a band-aid on your bloody paintball yeah and it is covering my
bleeding golf ball of a forehead he's like a
cartoon character he has this like walnut sticking out of the side of his but in the middle of his
fucking forehead he's like wally coyote just after he asked us at one point he's like is it bad
is it noticeable dude at the restaurant maybe i didn't know yet. But afterwards, I did know what I look like.
I look so bad.
It wasn't that it hurt so much.
I felt inconsiderate to exist.
I had to take a plane home.
It's like someone's going to have to sit next to this grotesque, deformed man.
That is me.
He's like Kyle's friend when he was younger.
Yeah.
I mean, that guy still looks like like that you don't grow out of what
he had yeah i always get shot in the face you just became a bigger deformed thing
i may have mentioned this a while ago on the show you saying is it bad reminded me i did i tell you
about what a friend of mine encountered like this old woman in his old apartment parking lot who got injured?
And he saw.
So basically, this happened a few years ago.
And one of my close friends, shout out Matt.
And he was telling us all this story.
And he lived on the second floor of this apartment building.
And it was just a small, like, second floor and first floor.
And it was a very snowy day.
A snowy day of december or something and he said there was this like really nice old lady
that lived near him and just like in passing would say hello and all that and he said he was going out
to leave one day and he sees this woman like struggling to get to her car and so he like
takes her and like walks her up to
the the like handle and all that shit to like get her there and then he says he turns around
and she's like oh thank you so much matthew i appreciate it and then and he's like oh no problem
ma'am take care be careful out there you know roads are dangerous and he said he turned around and started walking to his car and he heard a sickening crack.
Oh, and this old woman had fallen and he he doesn't handle blood and stuff very well.
And so he said that he had she had fallen and compound fractured, like shattered her leg right there in between two cars.
right there in between two cars.
And he walked back to check and he says he had to hold on to the car
because he started to feel like he was going to vomit
because she was all crumpled up like a dead spider
with a shattered leg there.
And he stuck with me and made me laugh
because he was standing there and he goes,
and I was just trying to think,
how do I keep it from being so horrible?
And so she kept yelling.
She kept going, oh, Matt, is it bad?
Is it bad?
And I just kept looking at her and going, no, it's not bad.
It's not that bad.
And so I had to call the, I had to call an ambulance and have them go there.
And so I was like dry heaving, trying not to vomit as her leg was
shattered and she kept screaming, is it bad?
And dude, guys, it was so bad.
And I kept telling him, so like, yeah, he said
he didn't see her anymore. Matt, you suck.
He got her
to the handle. I bet Matt,
you know what? I'm going to make a business. I bet
Matt doesn't throw things well either.
I'll have to check with him. If you had
had Matt throw you a baseball at the beginning of your friendship,
you'd have weeded out someone who's not.
That'd have been a grounder.
Bart and Lisa.
Bart and Lisa, you throw like a girl.
Yeah, you throw like me.
My dad reacted poorly to a situation like that one time.
We were changing light bulbs in a building,
and we had this guy working for us,
J.D. Hancock.
He was much older than me. He was probably 50.
He was going up and down the ladder, changing light bulbs,
going through the building, lots of light bulbs.
He falls off the ladder, hits the ground,
having a seizure.
I did not know he could have a seizure.
I had never seen that happen before.
My father did not know that he had ever
had a seizure before. Neither of us in our lifetimes have ever seen a man have a seizure my dad's 50
55 and i'm like 16 no no younger younger i'm 14 and i'm down there like holding holding his
shoulders down like and dad's like because dad thinks
that black man is dying on my floor.
This is going to be a problem.
Oh no. Dad is scared
that someone has died and he's
going to be liable somehow
and I'm like, hang in there!
You're okay. Stop trying to eat your tongue.
He couldn't work for us anymore after that it
was scary because like like now what if what if you start seizing up on a goddamn tractor and
like spears me with a hay fork you shouldn't work on ladders if you have a seizure problem
i know a crazy story one time i was when i was married a lifetime ago uh me and the wife were
driving home on the highway from a dinner what have have you, and everything. And it's kind of raining, kind of not, and stuff like this. So I'm driving, and
I see a bunch of clothes up ahead on the highway type of thing. Then I see another, like a garbage
bag bundle of clothes or something like that. And then my wife goes, what is that? And I go,
look, something fell off a
pickup truck or something and i get closer there's a bmw upside down in the ditch down on the right
and i go are those bodies and i go holy jesus and i go okay okay okay okay we gotta do something we
gotta do something.
I put my hazards on. I go to the side of the road. There's still cars coming up
the highway and stuff. You can see smoke starting
to come up. This just happened
seconds before we got there.
And I tell my ex,
okay, you check that one. I'll check
that one over there. We go over there.
Get the wallets.
This guy's on the highway laid out legs all over
the place you know what i mean and it's like yeah i'm checking a pulse she's checking a pulse
i'm saying she's you know he's alive this one's not breathing properly there's like uh someone
in the ditch and cars halfway on him and stuff and it was like it was a crazy like you could not tell
those were people on the road like if i would you know what i mean like it was like it was a crazy like you could not tell those were people
on the road like if i would you know what i mean like it's like if i wasn't paying attention you
would have easily just run right over it you know what i mean and i'm like damn i still can see it
in my this was like late 90s and i can still see it vividly in my head that's like you know my ex
used to work in the hospital so we you know and I kept my cool and stuff. And we were checking them out, making sure they were okay until the first responders came.
But it was like the most gruesome, weirdest thing I ever saw.
And I never found out what happened to those people in the long run.
But by the time the ambulance and fire got there, we left because we had a babysitter at home.
But none of them were dead when you were there.
Someone else checked the guy who was under the car,
so I didn't see that guy.
I just stayed with the person I was with,
although I don't know.
Were you pretty shook up?
I was.
Yeah, I was.
But I was also horny after it ended.
It made no sense.
I don't know if it was the adrenaline or what,
but we were both
banging like crazy
after we got home.
Something about seeing those white people
tangled up back there.
My ex was white, so
don't go down that road.
Yeah, put your legs back like hers were.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, my gosh.
Stop moving.
The birth of a new king.
Stop moving.
Hold your breath for a minute.
Hang on, baby. Let me get the mood lighting right.
You hit a word player.
Gurgle like he did.
Can you snore?
But in the way of someone who got knocked out at a bar.
Oh.
That kind of snore.
Before we jump to the next thing, we're going to hear from a couple sponsors.
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stuff is like 10 milligrams a piece and and they wouldn't be little gummies it'd be like a fucking
brownie or like at least a chocolate it'd be like a mini hershey's or something and it's like i have to eat so much chocolate that i'm gonna have an
upset stomach like i'm gonna have to eat like two hershey bars worth of chocolate right now
like and it doesn't taste good anymore and it's always empty calories and then you can pay for the
yeah i just want to get high and so so like i would always go to something else. I would make my own or something.
You could just buy Death by Gummies.
They're 100 fucking milligrams
or 50 with the HHC, I think.
I don't know. I'd get you real fucking stoned.
I've got a high tolerance and I take
three of those things.
I have quite the movie night.
Do not take three.
Are the majority
of the states legal now?
All right, it's a mismatch.
And there's legislation ongoing all the time.
So you do want to check your fucking state.
It would be a quick Google search, like your state and what you're looking to get.
And just double check.
As someone speaking from a little experience, it can be a little rough.
But as of now, no.
I've seen instances where in high schools kids will have vapes and they're getting in trouble because and arrested because the police have no way of differentiate they know the kids shouldn't
have any vape so they're able to get them and then they can't differentiate between
any degree of what might be in there so So they're just, they're getting, they're getting some charges because they shouldn't have them at school
anywhere.
But,
but you want to check your state.
You want to check the chemical and just be double sure.
But a lot of States,
uh,
the,
the DBG stuff is,
it's perfectly fine.
And man,
it's so strong.
Um,
you guys gotta be more free.
I kind of like this loophole.
So I kind of like this, uh. I kind of like the way that
Farm Bill has enabled
these other
chemicals and derivatives
or whatever to be out there
and do their thing.
Because, man, it's cheap,
it's strong, it's effective, and
I won't say it tastes good.
I won't fucking lie to you.
This isn't a candy I would enjoy. If there was a whole bunch of candy, effective and i i won't say it tastes good i won't fucking lie to you like it's i wouldn't
i think this isn't a candy i would enjoy if there was like a whole bunch of candy if they tried to
compete in the candy market they wouldn't do so hot okay they're competing in the drug market
though and in the drug market well they taste good yeah yeah in that market maybe you're right
they're on the level of girl scout cookies like it that or gummy bears Woody You got Haribo gummy bears over there
Those delicious gummy worms even
Whatever you like
Or like fucking yogurt raisins
Like I fucking like
What you want is to eat one of these and then enjoy your candy
Your regular candy
Do you want to hear something weird
I've never been drunk or high
Straight edge I've never tasted alcohol I've never been drunk or high Straight edge
I've never tasted alcohol
I've never tried weed
You and Trump, two peas in a pod
With your straight edge
Or like this
Just never had a desire to
Just no interest
I bet you and Trump have a lot more in common than you think
I bet you guys get along well
You know what, I met him
In the early 90s
i was at a dinner and i met him and i saw him give advice to someone which what i have his book
part of the deal just grabbed it when it first came out i was never a huge fan i was just it's
more like he was a celebrity type of thing right so um So, but I met him and the piece of advice I heard him give somebody is you get the wife you can afford.
Which is crazy.
I haven't told many people that story.
That's the advice I heard him give.
You get the wife you can afford.
My father told me something similar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He would say not to marry a wealthy girl because you'll always be competing with her father.
That was, but it sounds like the same thing.
But, well, I've heard that said, I heard him say that.
Interesting take from your dad.
Did he, not to get too personal, was that something he'd had personal experience with?
Or was that just, did you delve into like where he got that idea?
Because I'm not going to say it's not true.
His dad was right.
But I bet that's something.
My father came from nothing.
My mother came from not that much.
My mother's father died when she was a teenager.
And I have to imagine that kind of ruined the family finances.
So where is he getting that from?
Is that something that he'd seen somebody else do?
My father's got a lot of wisdom.
I've heard that said before.
Have you?
It's a common saying.
I'm not surprised that he has
the wisdom. I'm curious about where he may have
a personal experience
of his.
I didn't ask the question.
You never know the girlfriends he might have had in the past.
He found my mom when he was like
I think
if they weren't 13, 15, they were
14, 16. Old school.
Okay.
I've heard that statement
and it sounds kind of sexist
but it's kind of true in certain ways
because I don't want
to be mean. Ladies ladies don't get mad
at me i don't know how many ladies watch this you're safe this is a safe place
it's like essentially it's and i just stuck with me like forever it's like the men are judged by
how much they make women are judged by how they look we all know that right so it's like the better you
do in life the hotter wife you're going to get and that's the often the case yeah right so i don't i
don't think that's controversial or like anything no i mean there's some ghoulish billionaires and
politicians but there's an entire genre of video devoted to asking beautiful women what they want
from the guy that they would marry.
What do you bring to the table?
You hear them say what they want out of a man, and it's always.
It's hundreds of thousands of dollars and six feet tall and successful
and this, that, and the other.
And I want two or three kids, and I want to be able to have this kind of car,
and I want to be able to go to that kind of school.
So what they're saying is, I want money. I want a able to have this kind of car and i want to be able to go to that kind of school so what they're saying is i want money i want a man who makes the this amount of
money yep yeah so i don't see why a man shouldn't be able to say i want i love when they get into
the math of course not they're like okay all right six foot six inches six figures now you're talking
about a 0.5 percent guy i'm making that up but it's close-ish. Less than that. Okay. Okay. And then it's like, now, are you a 0.5% woman?
What do you bring to the table?
Are you better than 99.5% of the women out there?
Because that's what you want from him.
Yeah.
And usually it's like, well, they're better than 60% of the women out there.
than 60% of the women out there.
Usually expose a narcissist who has a warped view of reality and borderline
personality disorder is what you usually find.
One of the fun questions I see them ask those vapid
hand-picked Instagram ladies who wanted to be there,
which says something about your polling
size.
They'll ask them, would you rather
have a perfect marriage
or keep your Instagram?
We all keeping that Instagram.
Why can't...
They're like, I want both.
That's not the fucking mental
exercise we're doing.
It turns out you can't have both. That's not the fucking mental exercise we're doing.
You can't have both.
Say what I can have. I can have everything.
They told me I could.
Yeah.
It's funny, though. We were talking earlier about if a woman
digs what kind of car you drive and everything.
And it's like, women...
I don't know if you can call them women or
girls, but nowadays nowadays what they dig
is your instagram following and what kind of courage like that's what you that's what they
exchange in the clubs now is hey what's your ig how many followers do you have you know and it's
it's the weirdest thing that sucks but that's that's how it is nowadays like they don't even
give up phone numbers anymore i feel like taylor
would be balling with six-year-old pictures of bad breakfast no yeah
that i haven't posted on in like six years
i think there's probably like a picture of me i think there's a photo of me photoshopped onto Putin.
Wasn't that on your dating profile?
Yeah.
It was funny at the time. It wasn't topical in the way it is now.
On Taylor's dating profile, it was him
on Putin's body. And at the time,
Putin had much higher rates.
Was that the shirtless on the horse?
Yeah.
At the time, it was just a funny lark yeah yeah everyone
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I saw them say that they try to avoid hiring men for morgues.
For morgues?
I saw it on Reddit today.
Why?
All it said was, for the reason you think.
Yeah.
Yeah, Wolf, I read today on Reddit that apparently it's kind of standard business practice now at morgues to avoid at all costs hiring men.
And they were just like, and it's the reasons you might think
they're all touching and fucking the bodies yeah yeah they're all touching the bodies
yeah and it's kind of like being surprised when like if you think about it teacher
every movie every movie that that where they go to a morgue somebody somebody like fills up one
of the bodies that every single movie you watch they make it a joke it's every time bullshit
though that hiring practice because living women won't let me touch them and so you have to go become a
post-retirement discrimination god damn it why are all the people dying ugly like
you just fucking half-ass it barely put lipstick on some old bitty
decapitated well that wasn't the part I'm here for anyway
and I bet
that there's guys who work at the morgue who like
like get got
they'll take money from guys to come bang the bodies
right because for some people that's like their thing
and so like how are you going to ever make that
happen though so like they could go to the morgue guy
and be like yo like $100
and I'll be hurting that'd be like a
pimp of cadavers.
Yeah, exactly. Cadavers. No one's getting hurt by it.
It's like stimulating the fucking local economy.
There's a way.
I don't see a con.
You don't have to use protection.
You don't have to use protection other than like
you don't want to catch like...
I wonder how long a virus lives in a dead body.
A virus?
Virus.
You don't have to use protection. Oh, i was thinking of stds not pregnancy oh i'm not even worried about any of that i'm fucking a dead body do
you think i do you think if you're fucking a dead body you care about stds and st you have
absolutely no dead bodies what do you have no scruples in this in this situation you
see a dead body and you go you you know what, that's for me.
What if that's how you become a vampire?
Who would...
Now hear me out here.
If you found out
that the way to become a vampire,
and I don't mean one of those scary, ugly ones,
I mean like Tom Cruise
in Interview with a Vampire Vampire.
You're like a demigod,
but the way you get it,
you gotta bang a dead body.
And we're not talking about, like, she just
died. She's still warm. We're talking about, we gotta go down
to the morgue. We gotta pay Uncle
Eddie 500 smackaroos.
And he gets to watch.
He gets to watch
Eddie's rules.
Who's the guy in...
Shit, True Blood.
Blonde, handsome, also Tarzan. Skarsgård.
Skarsgård.
If I'm him, sign me up.
You don't get to change into another being.
You're Woody with...
What do you mean?
You're vampire Woody now.
You're banging a guy dead, buddy.
Oh, well, shit.
I'm going to get a cut going on.
I'm going to be the best me.
Give me three months, and then I'm going to lock that in.
Jesus.
You're all hollowed out. You got
Chase Utley ready for the playoffs.
Well, I guess it matters. Do I
get powers?
Yes, you are a demigod.
All the vampire powers?
Do I get the drawbacks too?
No drawbacks.
All the drawbacks come along too. but i don't know if i want to do it you're in the heart you
know day walker yeah no sun no you couldn't have like relationships here's the thing what here's
the you need a buddy to do a nightwing now like now you'll be able to fly with like no fear now
you now you'd be like a hot rod i would fear the faa dude dude bad boy think about this you'd be the bad boy of
the whole like um like lawn chair flying industry i can't regret what it's called
you'd be the guy who wore no parachute ever you'd be like you know what
the safeties are just holding you back that's all that's just drag is all that is i go out there
on shitty worn out wings.
No, shirtless. You're just shirtless
in your fucking rig.
You're just powering through. No parachute, anything.
You don't even need a rig. You can fly.
It's nighttime, so nobody can see you, though.
That sucks. No, you can light them up.
Okay.
Would you really want
to be a vampire?
Yeah, I would. Yeah, absolutely.
And live forever?
Yeah.
Why don't you kill yourself?
If you get tired, kill yourself.
Oh, that's true.
Don't act like there's not an end button.
Yeah, mortality is nice.
Pretty horrible death when you die.
How do you know?
You've never staked yourself.
I've seen every vampire movie that exists.
I'm going to have you chop my head off.
So here's the thing. In samurai culture,
I would honor...
In seppuku.
In samurai culture.
I would disembowel myself, but you'd be
there as a backup, and
you'd fucking lop my head off so I'd have to suffer
through the entire disembowelment
death. So I've
proven my point, so we We do one of those.
I'd stake myself, but you'd be
there. To be honest,
most deaths aren't that good anyway.
The one Kyle's describing is probably
better than the one that I have coming.
I'd live stream.
See, I'd want a
blade killed me vampire
death. That's why I want
you.
As opposed to a slowly burning the sun, true blood vampire death.
You notice how Kyle didn't pick me to make sure his death goes well?
Yeah, I got better.
He saw me with Henrietta.
I saw Woody butcher a chicken one time.
Don't pick me.
He did butcher it.
I keep hacking.
I keep hacking. I keep hacking.
I get owed him money.
Yeah.
It's like, God damn.
Jesus.
So the dead body.
What about, I wonder how often it happens with,
sorry to be morbid, but women in comas,
like the bride and Kill Bill.
You know what I mean?
I bet it's happened.
I bet it's's people are always moving
around hospitals and like going in and out of rooms so it doesn't seem like it would happen
the way it didn't kill bill where it's just like oh there's just a wing where no one walks through
for the next hour no you got the night you got the night thing on the on the shift where everybody's
in comas passed out i guess i just i want to believe
that isn't happening just like i want to believe that morticians aren't finger fucking all the
bodies finger fucking what do you think we're in high school trying to be tactful in my approach
are you out of your mind can you imagine the kind of loser that like fingers a dead body
he gets made fun of by all his fucking mortician friends they're like wow look at this
one you know freddy stinky fingers over here he doesn't ever commit
yeah you're giving these morticians no credit for creativity they probably get make the other
bodies watch you know like they have a whole thing set up yeah yeah i want you to see what's
gonna happen to each of you. Yeah, go to town.
Bring their own costumes.
This is the only costume that I
believe would do something like that.
Oh, we're going to do Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
Oh, that'd be great.
She's all asleep.
Get them all dressed like dark
and sleepy and sneezy and whatever.
It's rapey and molesty
and violetyzy and whatever. It's rapey and molesty and violating and
handsy.
Handsy! Get out of here with that!
You gonna rent a furry costume?
Yeah.
Put him on the ears and the tail.
That could actually make what they're doing more normal.
It's one situation where like that could
because what were they doing otherwise?
They're just going in the basement of their mortuary
I assume and then
getting their
jollies off. Or like the morgue, I guess.
Like, you know, a hospital.
You know, downstairs. They've got
bodies down there.
I'm honestly surprised that's not a
porn category, and I'm not going to check.
It is.
Yeah, I don't even need to look, and I know it is.
That's rule 34.
Oh, I saw, did you to look and I know it is. That's rule 34. Yeah.
Oh, I saw, did you see Jordan Peterson's, like, snafu on Twitter?
So here's what he did.
He saw this video or this clip of video someone shared with him.
And what it actually was, was porn, fetish porn of men strapped to tables
with these dick milking
machines on them. And they're like
restrained so they can't make it stop.
And they're like
being milked, right?
And they're in like a matrix
green tile wall
medical room. There's
curtains and hospital beds.
Maybe three of these
guys in a row and then and you and they're very restrained and like they're not moaning or
anything they're almost like out if i remember correctly and jordan peterson sees this and i
think someone told him that this was a chinese like like like semen milking like like like like
facility where they've got men comatose
and they're milking their semen out of them
to impregnate super soldiers or some shit.
And somebody's like,
actually, Dr.
Peterson, that is
fetish porn. We're all
going to laugh at you forever now.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Did he have a take on it? Like it was bad?
Like this is what society is doing here's
what china's doing right now this is socialism people he didn't realize it was porn he thought
this this was a chinese like facility where they are milking men of their semen for like a project
and they're being it's like a to make super babies i don't know you know chinese stuff bad things feminism
it's mild by comparison but the ron de santis like a fluffle that's happening right now i guess his
staffers have come out and said that he eats pudding with his fingers right so now all the
liberal media is like what the fuck this has ruined a lot of people's careers
pete buddha judge eats cinnabons like they're chicken wings and something else and something
else and fox is like there's nothing wrong with eating pudding with your fingers this is a hit job
you know you gotta improvise sometimes when you know you know how you're doing with his fingers
is he getting the last little bit at the bottom or is three fingers no there was no spoon. What's he doing with his fingers? Is he getting the last little bit at the bottom?
No, there was no spoon. And he doesn't use a spoon?
Is there a video of this?
I guess it's confirmed.
No, I haven't seen a video of it.
I mean, this is obvious. It seems fucking beat up.
Taylor, do you know how to know when the left
is afraid of a candidate?
When they make shit up like this?
When their main attack right now is how he eats pudding
and not his policies
or his stances and they don't want anyone to look at the bill they don't want i mean he just
fucking says woke everything's woke and he's gonna be not woke i haven't seen any stances i i've seen
i don't know about him but i'm positive that's not all he's saying i think he kidnapped migrant
workers at one point and send them somewhere else. Migrant workers? You mean those criminals
who came here, needed a place to go? He sent
them to where they could find them.
No, legal migrant workers
he sent to somebody's house.
He took some Apple figures?
I think what they really were were political
asylum seekers.
No, they had their migrant papers.
There's two different times he's done this, right?
One of them was
illegals and another one was actual migrant workers and i'm
a big fan somewhere else i can't i am a guy it's it's it's great i i love they always rename his
bills to try to like hide what they actually say and when you have any american when they
poll people on the language of the bill when it takes on the bill. When you make
people read the bill, it
overwhelmingly is
approved of. It's not even close.
It's about the same numbers as what he won
Florida with. 60
something
percent. He is going to make America
Florida again. It's common.
Kyle
freezing? He said he was going to again it's gone Kyle freezing
yeah but he said he was
going to make America Florida
which is what we all want
he's making Florida
Gilead
I'm excited for the future
do you watch Handmaid's Tale
you guys don't watch Handmaid's Tale
what is this is this a cartoon no Handmaid's Tale? You guys don't watch Handmaid's Tale? What is this? Is this a cartoon?
No, Handmaid's Tale is a huge TV show.
It's about the patriarchy, Woody.
They're breeding women.
They're forcing them to take the insemination.
It's a really good show.
Watch it with the wife. She'd enjoy it.
It's a really good show.
I'm surprised you guys don't watch it.
It's a really good show.
Politics aside, it's an amazing show.
We're almost done. Kaleidoscope.
I've scrolled past it. I haven't found many women
that enjoy all the rape in that show.
Well, no, but the revenge
later is amazing.
Yeah, I don't like rape revenge either.
I spit on your grave
was always a shit.
Is there like multiple seasons of
The Handmaid's Tale? Oh yeah, on and on.
It's a dystopian future
apparently where something
happened with fertility
and so they've
captured all the women who can still make babies
and the higher-ups
fuck them and
make children for themselves.
They become a Bible
state and women
are essentially property at that point.
Oh, Google Web Platform.
It's an amazing show.
Politics aside, it's an amazing show.
Yeah, I won't catch
that one myself. That's not for me.
But I have heard it's quite well made.
It's really well made. They make it by me.
Like, our way for me.
Oh, they make so much shit up there. Everything's filmed
in The Last of Us. That's all up in Canada.
I didn't know that.
It's in Edmonton, I believe.
There's two places shit gets filmed. Right outside California,
you'll recognize the canyons.
Georgia, specifically Atlanta
and the suburbs surrounding the area
40 minutes outside Atlanta in a circle.
More specifically, the south of it.
Vancouver. Vancouver. British Columbia. area 40 minutes outside atlanta in a circle more specifically the south of it and uh um up there vancouver british columbia yeah yeah um uh so all of x files like you see those same fucking woods
over and over it's like i know what i know more about canada like plant life than anyone
every episode they're out here in these woods i see these evergreens and these
bushes canadian topographic expert at this point yeah yeah but no uh handmaiden's tale is an amazing
show i i give it a chance dude really like it it's on hulu that's probably why i haven't heard
of it we don't do hulu is it on hulu i thought it was on crave it might be i've never heard of
crave i just googled it crave is probably a canadian
alternative oh hbo crave same company okay really um there's a lot of conglomerates that are a lot
of things i i was confused the other day i was look i was on the last of a subreddit and they
were showing what the what it was shown on across europe and i just assumed everybody just had hbo
because i'm a dumb american, but it's like,
it's on like a dozen different things depending on where you're on the
planet.
Yeah.
Have you seen that?
Like,
I don't want to do a last of us talk every episode,
but it just ended.
We,
we enjoyed it.
Um,
I'd say it should have been an hour and a half ending.
I thought it was like a B,
a B plus TV show.
Um,
yeah, well they didn't rush it. They just, uh, allocated their timeplus TV show. Yeah, I think they rushed it.
Yeah, well, they didn't rush it.
They just allocated their time in weird ways.
They devoted two entire episodes to things that didn't matter.
You had the gay love story, which was our favorite episode, frankly.
But if you lose it, then now we get to spend time with Ellie and Joel,
develop their story, maybe do something there.
And then there's the flashback,
the other gay love story, they needed to,
where she goes back and we find out, oh yeah, Ellie's gay. And it takes us
45 minutes, an entire episode to tell us Ellie's gay
and that her friend died. And they don't even bother
to show it to us. Later on, she just tells
us how that story ended. And she tells
it so quickly that it's like, yeah, you could have told the
whole story in this quick little scene
in the final episode the way you just did, and
avoided 45 more minutes
of wasted TV that could have been another episode
expanding upon the universe or whatever.
They warped across the country so fast,
and in the finale,
that lady asked him, she's like,
I have five people who do nothing
but protect my life 24-7, and I
barely made it. How the hell did you get
here with her like this?
And he's just like,
you know,
do my thing.
You know,
I've been practicing the Mandalorian and he didn't say it.
Fast travel.
But what I was thinking was,
yeah,
he just did a really crazy thing.
But in TV time,
it felt like skip it.
He do die.
And we're across the country.
And what?
What?
You give me shit. Boom! You're dead
and we're here.
How many episodes was this season?
It would be harder for me to walk across Atlanta
tonight.
If I had to walk to the bad side of Atlanta
tonight on foot
and get to the other side, that would be
a more harrowing journey than what
it looked like that he went through.
I don't know. I wish they'd use that time more uh wisely i really disliked the flashback um thing with her
girlfriend because i didn't i didn't feel like it added a thing did you also hate that episode
wolf i'm the only one who liked it amongst what normal trio the flashback to the mall with her
with her girlfriend i thought it was cool i liked it i i it wasn't great i thought it was cool. I liked it. It wasn't great. I thought it was cool.
I liked the background. I liked the
connection. I think they should have showed
when she
changed. Maybe they'll do that
in the next season. You never know.
I do.
Did you play the game?
No.
I didn't play the game and I heard it's like
exact to the game.
Yeah, the man. Everything is't play the game, and I heard it's like exact to the game.
Yeah, the man, everything is the same.
So which is cool.
Which kind of sucks if you played the game, but... I felt like the finale, they really...
I think they rushed it.
It should have been a two-hour finale.
Well, I just thought the shootout in particular was rushed.
And there wasn't enough buildup to it.
Just on recruit mode.
Here's how the story should have gone.
There should have been a day between them capturing them and her surgery, at least.
There should have been a time where they lie to Joel and Ellie sitting next to each other,
and they say, we're going to put you under, we're going to take you out, it's no big deal, blah, blah, blah.
But Joel notices a thing.
And he's like, huh, that's a little weird. and then it comes back to him on the day of the surgery oh that thing's here again you're not a doctor why are you wearing scrubs kind of thing
right like maybe he notices a hitman's like tattoo and then later he sees that guy wearing scrubs and
it's like he knows something's wrong here why is the guy operating on ellie got a fucking special
a tattoo or whatever he sees something there and there's fear is the guy operating on Ellie? Got a fucking special, a tattoo or whatever.
He sees something there and there's fear in him and he's got to like
tactically do this thing.
And then if you film a gunfight like that,
have you ever seen boardwalk empire?
There's a scene in that where,
um,
the guy with the half a face goes and saves the little boy in the
mansion.
Same exact scene,
same motivations.
And it's so much better.
It's filmed so much better.
I just didn't
feel like anything was at stake it was just like watch joel go through on easy mode like yeah if
it if it's as good if it's matching what the game looked like then it's the game on easy like turn
the fucking difficulty to hard show me what that looks like in the game because because he just
walked around and killed everyone with one to two bullets each and uh i didn't i wasn't excited i wasn't
enthralled by that i was sitting there like it was like watching a gameplay let's play or something
it was uh i just i wish it had been more intense it he killed like 10 people dude let me tell you
what i would have done is i would have turned that into a two hour episode. First hour, I would have spent getting
to know the people in the camp, getting to
know the fireflies, almost
becoming friends with them.
Bonding with them. And then
the second half
is when he finds out the betrayal.
And it would have been that much
harder to have to kill these people
who he just traveled all this way
for to make friends with and become connected with in a moment and with a look joel should go from we're about to cure the
world i have a community a family friends a daughter and maybe a love interest throw that
in there like maybe he's like flirting with that lady and then in a look he sees that's all alive
they're gonna kill ellie and he knows he has to flip the script completely like i love some tv
like that instead of like boom flashbang next scene ellie's in up ellie's getting operated in
five minutes she's going to die no don't do it get the fuck out of here and you know karate chop
fight my way to ellie what the fuck we didn't get to hang out here
for a minute yeah one thing that paintball has taught me is how easy it is to get shot
you know what i mean one thing like if you if you could not no i've been playing paintball for 27
years and i could not do what he did going through that building you know what i mean like it
gives you a realism of how fake some of these scenes are and for him to go through with that
first semi-automatic you know old gun and then he keeps upgrading as he's walking through them
and it's like it was too it wasn't real enough like he should at least gotten wounded i'm okay
with that i mean know what I mean?
Because I think we might be underestimating how scary it is to have someone shoot at you in a building with a real gun.
Because in paintball, I'm literally fearless, and I'm waiting until I feel some pain to stop.
But in a gunfight, I'd be so scared.
And if he's just coming, and he's coming, right?
He's ready to die.
He doesn't care so he's just he's he's he's he's pushing on you and and you're the bullets are hitting the wall and he
shoots one through the glass and then one guy tries that was good i was i love the guy tried
to surrender yeah yeah i was like in my head i'm like smoking like you can't leave a man behind you
as you you got to get moving nope boom killed him but those are supposed to be the top of the line firefly renegades like those are supposed to be the best guys yeah i know they're
scared but while blind fire is illegal in paintball it's fine in hospitals oh yeah that's
like they could have done that about ammo i mean i don't know man gunfights are scared i can we're
talking about simunitions before the show wolf Wolf and I, and I was talking about how
it hurts so much that it's
not fun anymore. You've gone past Airsoft
and paintball to this other realm
that's closer to real bullets
than it is to Airsoft.
It's close. It's on that end of the
spectrum.
Forget hurting you. It would
blind you 100%. You could probably take a
paintball to the eye and get surgery.
You get shot with a simulation's eye, you'd probably die.
Yeah, but you're wearing...
Whenever you use
simulations... Yeah, of course. I'm just illustrating
how strong simulations are. They're going
so goddamn fast. I don't think
I fully understand what a simulation is.
Is it a plastic bullet?
With some paint. It's a paint pellet, right?
Being fired by gunpowder out of a gun-ish thing.
Oh.
Yeah, it's like a regular round,
but instead of a bullet, it's a paintball, essentially.
But it travels like a regular paintball
at 280 feet per second,
where a simulation is probably quadruple that.
You're going to bleed.
You're going to bleed every time.
You're going to feel that. And if you got shot,
you'd want to take a timeout.
It's not one of those like,
hey,
balls,
it's no big deal.
If you're a man about it,
I don't know if you've got like an average or above slightly above average
pain tolerance.
I guess I'll just say that.
It was like,
I don't know.
Women,
women shit out those babies for some goddamn reason.
And I can't,
if it was dependent on me to poop out a baby that's not
where babies come from i thought you should know are you sure we have to have a show on that
have you ever seen a baby come out of a vagina yeah not in real life not you i'm talking to
woody he's the one that makes the point that i don't know where babies come from have you ever
seen a baby with your own eyes?
That's big news.
So you're telling me you've seen... You know what I saw on YouTube? I saw aliens.
I saw big ones.
Wait, wait. I have seen a baby come. It just wasn't human.
Oh, well, those come out of vaginas.
Okay.
Well, in that case...
Animals come out of vaginas.
That was God's covenant
with Abraham.
So he said,
henceforth, you know, you'll
circumcise yourselves and
your women, thereby,
will be cursed with the blood, as Eve was,
and also have to doo-doo out their babies.
He said that. Well, I don't know enough
about the Bible to
argue, but it sounds like a Bible verse.
It's true.
It's Deuteronomy.
It's Deuteronomy.
I like that joke.
I wish it was mine.
Jesus.
That ending was quite
interesting on the show.
I love the show still. I love the lie. I like that he interesting on the show. But I love the show still.
I love the lie.
I like that he stuck with the lie.
I like the whole thing.
I think season two is going to suck
because I know vaguely what happens
and everybody is going to shit the entire...
It's going to ruin the show, I think,
when the thing happens.
I think they might change it.
I'm curious about that.
Either way, you lose half your audience.
Either way, you piss off half your audience.
Are you talking about Last of Us?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The main character's supposed to die.
The main character's going to die.
No spoilers.
He didn't say which.
I didn't say which.
If it's Joel, I'm not going to watch anymore.
Someone's going to die
and you're going to lose half of your audience
if they do die and you're going to lose
the other half if they don't die.
I'm being serious. If Joel dies, I'm done.
I don't give a shit about watching Ellie
traipse about the wilderness of no threats.
I agree 100%.
There's been several
shows that's like that. When they lose a time there's been several shows it's like
that when they lose a guy i'm out it's like i felt like that about walking glenn died um i want to
see glenn like like um avenged so so i stuck around for another season after that um at least
when carl died and then when i heard that rick didn't get that was was off the show, I just didn't want to continue with that show anymore.
Rick and Michonne.
I was a religious viewer of that show.
I would go to viewing parties at bars
and stuff. My girlfriend and her friends
were obsessed with it.
I'm a little bit of an expert about
the first couple seasons and the
production and Frank Darabont's
input and the actors
and why some people were like, kill me off if's input and like the actors and that and why some people
were like kill me off if you're gonna like do this and that like but then that show just really
turned into this weird soap opera where they were trying to make so many episodes we i often complain
now because modern tv is these six episodes nine episodes ten episodes yeah which can be perfect
if you're if you're telling a short story but if you're telling a big thing, then come on, it's TV. Expand.
Expand. That's what we do here.
We took on the BBC concept
because that's how BBC does their episodes
is the short seasons, right?
That's what the Americans did.
They do series.
It's like Luther was six episodes
a season and stuff like that.
I haven't watched Luther yet. I know the movies.
I'm going to pick that up soon.
I love Idris Elba. I've seen watched Luther yet. I know the movies I'm going to pick that up. Watch a TV series. I love Idris Elba.
I love Idris Elba. I've seen him speak publicly.
I like his attitude.
I've enjoyed him in everything.
Go back to fucking The Office when he shows up
in The Office.
There's that weird character. I like him a lot.
I loved him in the Christopher
Nolan movie recently.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was Batman.
movie recently.
Yeah.
He was Batman.
Batman?
I'm talking about Prometheus.
Slipping that hat.
I didn't know he made that one.
The Aliens movie?
Oh, Tenet.
That wasn't him.
That's not Idris Elba?
No, it's not.
Yeah, you're right.
Who should be the next Black Panther?
I don't like the Black Panther.
The next Black Panther?
They just made like two movies, right?
No, the last one was Shite.
I thought usually they had a little more of a shelf life
than two films where they swap people out.
No.
The actor died
in RL.
Chadwick Boseman.
Yeah, he died.
He had cancer.
He was beautiful. I cried at the end of that movie
because I was so proud.
So proud
of Black
Panther?
Other than Blade, it's the first other than
Blade, it was the first legit
superhero black guy movie that I
got to experience in my life. And I cried
at the end of it. One of my friends
his name is Ken Lashley.
He writes for, he draws
for DC and Marvel.
You'll see his name in the credits.
We're huge Black Panther fans.
I could get into it for hours, have the whole not replacing not recasting things bullshit you don't
get down with what if on um yes z plus yes all right i was gonna recommend the one where black
panther was what's this um well he became uh lord star lord star lord yeah yeah i i like that
episode a lot i thought you might like it.
Maybe not. Yeah, I loved it. Chadwick
was amazing, but
them not recasting was a stupid
thing. I get the respect
they had, but...
I think I'm just done with Marvel.
I think I'm kind of checked out because they've lost
all the big name actors that had
gravitas and could actually
make a movie that you wanted to see
and I feel like at this point, most
Marvel people are only watching because they don't want
to lose their place in the book. It's like
the teacher's reading at the front of the class,
pay attention or you won't know where the story
is when you go to watch the next Thor movie.
They lost me when they made Thor
a joke. Oh, that was
disgusting. I read
Thor comics forever. he's the reason
why i love shakespeare i see he's a hardcore guy in the comics now he's a freaking comic joke like
a comedic joke i loved thor ragnarok i thought it was great and it had a little comedy in it
a little comedy was okay a little comedy was great. I thought I really, really liked it.
And then they did. What was the
last Thor called? Loving
crap.
And anyway, they were like,
oh, do people think jokes are good?
We got jokes.
And the whole movie just got
that tiki guy who directed it.
Yeah, kiki or whatever.
He made it into a complete joke,
and I was completely upset.
You got Zeus,
and he looks like a clown,
and he's got the female Thor,
which is hardcore.
They're all over the place.
A little salt is good in your food.
A lot of salt.
What do you think about that fucking chariot of goats that scream?
The screaming goats.
That was kind of funny. That was kind of funny.
That was kind of funny. That's the worst part.
You know that every test
audience laughed at it, but it was a dirty
laugh. I didn't want to laugh at that.
It's like, I don't want... Did I unplug my
mic? No, I hear you.
You're good. I don't want that
in this movie. That should be some
outtake at the end, some additional scenes,
some bonus footage or some shit. It was it was a complete waste of christian bale's talent
oh big time he's he's a top tier a-list actor he's one of the top he's one of the best leading
men and you've got him to here to play a villain and you even gave him kind of like some good
motivation some wicked powers he had but it didn't work out i
didn't care it was it was a joke of a movie i i don't think i finished it i think i turned it off
at the end like something toward the end got i didn't see the final showdown like i turned it
off before that natalie portman was like like annoying me or something and there was this big
cgi fight with monsters where they were stealing children. Around then, I just turned that shit off.
No, I think I'm done with Marvel in general.
And DC
doesn't look like it's on...
I know James Gunn is leading it.
He's rebooting the DC
universe again.
Again.
Stupid move. What's wrong with these people?
First, they screw up
Black Adam, and then now
they're going to stop and redo everything i'm not watching any more origin stories i'm not a
i'm not a rock hater but he was the wrong guy for black adam if black adam is a silent angry guy
that scowls all the time and then they take the most charismatic smiling actor i can think of in dwayne johnson
and cast him there it doesn't fit he can act he if you give him a good script he can do it
he didn't do it give him these action what was him he had a movie where his son was like in
trouble with drug dealers and stuff he had to transport stuff in a truck like he can act if
you give him the chance but they
gave him a garbage action i just know him from like jumanji and stuff that's i need him to smile
i've never seen him not playing the rock yeah yeah he plays the rock in lots of different costumes
but he's always playing the rock he needs to keep smiling and being charming like what he's so right
like like i like him a lot he's a he's such a likable guy agreed. I like him a lot. He's such a likable
guy. Agreed. I like him a lot.
So don't make him the heel.
I liked him in Ballers. Have you seen
that? The TV show? I'm aware
of it. I haven't seen it. Very good show.
And that's where David
Denzel's
Washington son got discovered on that show.
But yeah, The Rock is
always playing The Rock. I totally agree with that.
Did you guys see the Chris Rock special yet?
Yeah. I avoided it.
So here's what I did
actually, Woody. I saw
the clips where he talks about Will Smith.
Went for the jugular.
Cut his fucking head off.
No mercy. No fucking salt
the fields. He went full
bore.
You're allowed to get revenge.
I'm usually pretty good at doing that George Costanza thing where if I get to sit in my living room,
I can come up with some awful shit.
I was at a loss.
You got it all, bro.
You hit it from top to bottom.
The only thing he didn't do was go after the man's children.
That's where he stopped.
He stopped just short of hitting his kids.
But he did reference the kid like like for the real he was he was like yeah you fucking your son's um friends uh your son's friend your son's friend is fucking your
wife or whatever he's like he's like going hard in the paint so after seeing those shorts on
youtube the three or four minutes that that takes up in this special i was like shit where is this special it's on netflix so i clicked it man i i got like
eight minutes in and it's something about like like he's still doing that you know how chris
rock sounds yeah i want to stop you there because that was my point i i like the show seven out of
ten chris rock jokes are fat so fucking fat there is nothing but fat on that steak like a chris rock it sounds
like this i'll be like um you know moms always be pushing strollers pushing strollers man moms
pushing strollers i just see stroller pushing moms pushing strollers all the time moms be
pushing strollers pushing strollers and i'm like fuck he says the same he's in love with the sound
of his own voice and it's like good gosh like this guy had six jokes that he stretched out for 90
minutes because every one of them is the fattest joke you've ever heard a comedian talking so much
there's so much there's so much going on and not much bad timing. He said he's speaking a lot and saying very little.
And he's just really leaning into that classic Chris Rock, like sort of delivery that I loved in his specials a decade or two ago.
And but now it's like, oh, man, you're still doing the exact same thing.
Like even Adam Sandler ain't out there singing Hanukkah songs.
Yeah.
Talk to your boy.
Like he evolved a little.
Like, come on on do a different thing
yeah you know who else i don't find funny is kevin hart like when kevin hart does his
stand-up routines i find him i'll chuckle a bit but there's no belly laugh for me there's no
almost crying you know what i mean i haven't watched much of his stand-up dave chappelle
found a way to spit in white people's faces and make them enjoy it.
Dave Chappelle.
He's a genuinely very funny guy, which is why it's easy to laugh because he's funny.
Dave Chappelle's a fucking master at that.
He's constantly like shitting on white people the whole time.
And I don't mind because it's hilarious and it's true.
Almost everything he's saying is at least mostly true.
I love when he talks about living amongst the poor ones. Yeah. I think Trump's not fighting for you. He's fighting for
me. Kyle, you sent me that clip of him like doing his SNL monologue and he and like you could see
him like shifting nervously in a way that like he had never shifted before.
It was like, oh damn, like this has got
Dave Chappelle scared.
Like he's not afraid of that kind of shit.
What did he do? He backed Kanye?
Why was he scared? Just a little bit.
He did more of a Jewish thing.
It was his dog.
He's pointing out how standing up against
Jews can get you screwed up. He said if it's Italians,
it's a mob. If it was what If it's Italians, it's a mob.
If it was...
What else?
Black people, it's a gang.
It's a gang coincidence.
If it's Jews, we don't talk about it.
That's a funny line.
Old school Dave Chappelle?
I can still watch it this day And start laughing my ass off
What's in the fridge
What's that purple stuff
You know what I mean
When his wife friend Chet
Was going to race the cop
They're at the stoplight
And he does his white guy voice
And he goes
Hey Dave
Let's race.
And Dave goes, I was smoking.
So I should have said one thing.
And I said, you got to do what you got to do.
You know, classic Dave Chappelle stuff.
I think it's really cool that him and Joe Rogan have had that friendship going way back to so far. I saw a clip
a couple days ago and
Dave Chappelle was on the streets, I think
in New York, and he's filming a skit
for his show, for the Chappelle show, where he's
like, best breasts in New York
City or New York City gold ribbon titties
or something. And he's just like ogling
like, come here, man. You've got A-class
titties and giving her a fucking award.
Those are some New York City titties and like giving her a those are some new york city titties and joe rogan was literally walking down the sidewalk and was like dave and he's like joe
hey you want to be in a skit joe rogan and so joe rogan's the one holding the box full of ribbons
for titties and helping a lot of titties yeah a lot of great guests on that show
like oh my god
shoot what's it
John Charlie
plays the guitar
John and he goes into the
John Mayer when he had John Mayer on and he goes
oh this is what black people like and what
black people like and what white people like
and he goes in the barber shop and
you know John's going crazy
on the guitar
and the black guys go man shut the fuck up
and then he opened he takes a cape off the drum set and quest love uh is there and he starts
playing the drums and they're going like this and then they bring in the spanish guy and he
starts singing and then the spanish people start dancing. He had some great guests on that show, man.
That was amazing. Perfect TV.
I like Charlie Murphy.
He's probably my favorite part.
His skits were just really, really funny.
That shit came out
right as I was graduating high school.
We watched that nonstop.
Oh my gosh.
Between that and the Haters Club.
The Haters Ball. Yeah yeah when they're looking at pictures
he sees that he sees a picture of rosie o'donnell and she goes she looks like she wears men's
he looks like she looks like she wears men's underwear with a dick hole in the front
and they all start laughing and they like they're like really laughing it's not just for the camera type of thing like they're just just roasting and
roasting it's like oh my gosh great comedy but comedians do this weird thing where they get money
and they change it up and it's like when when they get rich like jim carrey movies at the beginning
beautiful amazing hilarious but when you get a certain amount of money,
they don't have to do the weird, funny
stuff anymore. Like Jack Black
used to have the funniest. Saving
Silverman with Jack Black was one of the funniest
movies ever made. Then he had to
kidnap his friend because he had this evil
girlfriend. You know what I mean?
But then Jack started getting real money
and he started getting more serious.
That's why I like comedians who are broke at first, because that's when they put the work. He does that Jumanji stuff now. Right. Like I think he got he elevated a more like.
Yeah, but it's not funny. Jack Black. Well, it's not slapstick Jack Black.
It's it's it's playing. I think he's supposed to be a girl in Jumanji or something.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like it when they change it up a little bit.
What I don't like is Jim Carrey playing Jim Carrey for 20 years in a row.
Will Ferrell playing Will Ferrell.
Will Ferrell's the worst.
Will Ferrell.
Will's giving you what you want.
See, Will's giving him exactly what he wants.
Yeah, I don't want that anymore.
We're seeing a difference in cultures.
It just happens.
All right, all right.
This is the difference in cultures.
It just happens. All right.
You like that Will Ferrell is still doing
the fucking 70-year-old
clown now. He's still doing the bits
that he did on SNL in 1994.
Or whenever it was.
Love it.
Really? Talladega Nights?
You did not like...
What year did Talladega Nights come out?
Like 2008.
Like 20 years ago. Okay. The one he went to prison was... What year did Talladega Nights come out? Was that the 90s? Like 2008. Is it that old? Jesus.
Yeah, like 20 years ago.
Okay.
The one he went to prison with.
Yeah, that was old, too.
Okay, whatever.
That was old, too, I guess.
Oh, fuck.
He doesn't do as much now, maybe.
I don't know. It's 2023.
I liked him.
Elf was his best movie.
But that's my point, though.
He got that money.
He's not doing as funny.
Yeah.
I think he just got old and he's been doing the same thing over and over.
And it's just not funny anymore to me.
Jim Carrey's gotten super wacky in the last three years or so.
I don't know if y'all follow Jim Carrey.
In the last ten years.
Bit of a loon.
No, no, no, no.
And very recently, it's like personality disorder.
He's an odd fellow.
He's like, I've always been playing a character you know there's the character um of of like this guy of
harry and there's this tag like that and then there's the jim carrey character yeah he's that
i put on that i've always been putting on there's this jim carrey character out here oh i i like
giving interviews and talking to you people i don't like that and then like he's just like really having a bit
of an existential crisis and i don't care because i just want him to like dude i don't know ace
ventura 4 or whatever the fuck and talk to a raccoon again or just shut up yeah yeah that was
his okay jim just do that all righty then for us for you please all righty then exactly man that
movie's so fucking funny like yeah i guarantee if i were to because i remember
watching ace ventura as a kid in the 90s and like crying laughing yeah i know if i turn that on like
after the show tonight i would get laughs from it like especially the original one pet detective i
bet i would you don't think so there was i don't know i don't think what was the one where he
crawls out of the rhino's ass that's's the second one. That's Ace Ventura 2,
When Nature Calls.
That was hilarious.
They're in Africa. When I was
13, I died laughing when he's
crawling out of that rhino's fake
rubber butthole. And the thing is,
a safari comes along with children
and they're like, look children, the miracle
of life. And here's this
naked man falling out of a and who's this like naked man
falling out of a rhino's ass it was really fun and like something at the end when he's chasing
that guy down in a monster truck like whole thing i love that shit but you know that was 20 something
years ago 25 30 years ago maybe hell yeah yeah now still could be i saw i saw the other day and they face swapped dr evil i think with
arnold schwarzenegger oh my fucking god they use that ai shit to make that scene they arnold
schwarzenegger like fits it perfectly and it's the voice too it's the deep fake voice the yeah
and so it's arnold delivering the lines with arnold's face but on Dr. Evil's body. And it's the whole scene where,
where Scott is meeting mini me.
And there's that rivalry.
And I think,
I think,
I think Scott is Sylvester Stallone.
And mini me is of course,
just a smaller version of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That shit was great.
Those movies,
those movies.
I loved a lot.
The Austin powers movies,
the first one,
when it came out and the second one. Mike was great.
One of the underestimated movies he ever did
was
My Fiance is an Axe Murderer.
So I married
an axe murderer.
So I married an axe murderer.
That was like when he was the father
telling his son with the big head to move
from the TV.
Your head!
It moved! It's like Sputnik! telling his son with a big head to move from the TV and your head that's where
he came up with a couple of his characters you can see in that a couple
of characters he'd use later on in Austin Bowers yeah yeah yeah and it's a
good movie it's literally a guy who's married a woman and it's what it's
like there's always these hints that and it didn't rely on him right like it like the the police
captain who kept wanting to pretend he's a badass and asking if he did okay like i'm gonna fire you
you're done here and he goes well that too hard well that too difficult you know what i mean like
there's a whole bunch of characters in that movie i just made it perfect everyone that's a fun movie
yeah yeah yeah it's got like a cool finale at the end uh so i married
an ax murderer i haven't seen i've only seen it once or twice and oh i love that yeah so it's a
long long time ago that thing was bit rocket watching the bay city rollers and i had that
memorized and that script like that was awesome but yeah again, Mike Myers made money and got a little chubby and
doesn't do anything anymore.
He kept trying, but they failed.
He did the Indian one.
Yeah, the Love Guru.
He kept going and he kept making
silly things, but they kept failing. He recently
did something with multiple characters. He's still
trying to do the same shit.
I think on Netflix, maybe.
I just don't think anybody watched it. it's not funny anymore because he's really really old he doesn't look
the same anymore yeah like yeah you got to keep it up bro i'm tired i'm tired of remakes too
i'm tired of just rehashing rebooting remaking yeah i'd like to see a new story like i mean i'm
kind of curious on the new Blade
that's coming out because I like the actor
they chose. I'm going to watch the new Blade.
I'm a Wesley fan though, right?
I haven't seen the old Blade. You haven't?
No, I've never seen Blade.
How is that possible?
It's a really good action
movie.
Blade is the day walker.
I know it's about vampires.
Don't give
it away let him watch it and let him come back and see blade one and two amazing don't watch three
i thought chris christopherson almost steals the show though like like as his yeah he was great
like uh chris christopherson's amazing there and and like it like to i didn't i don't think i knew
that he was a country
singer at the time like i was like i knew he was back in the day yeah well well i'm you know
yeah when he when he sang with johnny cash yeah and and uh the rest of the highwayman
yeah yeah that was like that was the 70s um Ryan Reynolds ruined Blade 3.
Ryan Reynolds, another guy who can only play Ryan Reynolds in different costumes.
Why did they cast him?
It was a studio thing.
Yeah, that was silly.
Have you heard Ryan Reynolds talk about the production of that film and what Wesley Snipes is like?
Yeah, because Wesley Snipes knew it was going to fail.
So he said...
Yeah, go ahead. They asked him, they said, what was it like working with Wesley Snipes knew it was going to fail. So he said.
Yeah, go ahead.
They asked him, they said, what was it like working with Wesley Snipes?
He said, what's that?
On Blade 3, Wesley Snipes.
What was it like working with him?
I've actually never worked with Wesley Snipes.
I've never met him.
I've only met Blade.
I've only met Blade. And he is terrible to work with yeah really yeah he went
full diva on that script they said he he would insist on doing his own like martial arts stunt
work but he's a little older by three and they've got like stuntmen on wires who like do nothing but
kickflips all day who are 25 and so like they would have to film him do everything
and then he'd leave and they'd be like
alright and Dion
hop in there
yeah he was difficult
what a pain in the ass since they just had to humor him
taking shots
but I didn't know he was such a
he's not full Steven Seagal
oh Steven Seagal's evil
yeah he's the worst
I thought he was just a bad actor Not full Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal is like full blown piece of shit. Oh, Steven Seagal is evil. Yeah, he's the worst.
He's evil?
I thought he was just a bad actor.
I do nothing but collect Steven Seagal stories.
I think I've heard them all.
Everybody hates that guy.
And he was so cool in the 80s or the 90s. He's notorious for assaulting.
He used to really hit people.
Yeah, he would actually hit his stuntmen because it looks better.
He would hurt people. He hit the staff on Saturday Night Live. hit people yeah he would he would actually hit his stuntmen because it looks better um he would
hurt people he hit the staff on saturday night live well they had to make it look realistic
that those no no no remember the guy who did the copy machine guy the boardroom scene maybe that's
about climate change no remember what's his name he used to play the copy machine guy oh rob schneider
yeah yeah yeah i've heard Rob Schneider talk about that.
Yeah, he really hurt him.
Well, Rob Schneider's a little bitch boy, so it wouldn't take much.
And Steven Seagal's 6'4".
He can throw anybody around.
But he shouldn't be throwing anybody around is the problem.
Did you see the Michael J. White interview about working with him?
Michael J. White's the black martial artist guy.
Yeah, I think Michael J. White was going to whip his ass.
Yeah, he was going to destroy him
The staff had to stop
That would have been awesome
Yeah he's just a notorious nut job
And if you watch his movies these days
They're really funny
He'll be a very
He's in like 10 minutes of a 90 minute movie
And he's sitting in a chair the whole time
And then he makes out with a hot chick
With his shirt on.
Dude, this guy sounds cool. He's just
setting up his own films.
I saw him in a movie
and he was like a sniper
and he had that horrible
black dye job.
Ridiculously overweight
for a Marine Scout.
At least.
He sat the entire movie.
There was no running, no walking.
He sits a lot.
I bet he has
two rates. One for sitting, one for standing.
It was just so
unhorrible. It's 200,000 a day
for him to sit. It's 500,000
a day for him to stand.
I'm telling you.
A lot of sitting scenes.
I'm thinking about
older actors and I just want to give
not a condolences
but how sad I feel for
Bruce Willis.
What happened to him?
I can't remember.
He's going through a memory
disease thing.
Oh, I see oh i fell for it
it just slipped my mind swinging a miss yeah but you know like if i now now i understand why he did
so many horrible movies in the last couple of years no i i think um i think that's just bad
taste as well like it's a little
bit of both i've seen him with the earpiece in as well being being fed his lines yeah um you know
it's a shame but he hasn't made good movies for decades either he made like i think 10 good movies
in his life that was half decent 10 i don't remember the last thing that was good supporting
staff which helped him out yeah it looks like Zach found he had difficulty speaking,
and then now he's been diagnosed with dementia.
Yeah, full-blown dementia.
It's a shame, but he got all his good work in,
so we didn't need him anymore.
That's true.
And look, if he forgets who he is,
they should just show him Die Hard,
tell him it's a guy from the movie.
Jesus, man.
Show him fucking die
hard be like this is your name's John John McClane let me let me remind you of what who you are and
he'd be like maybe like it's foolproof as long as we don't let him watch Harry Potter the next day
fucking same villain so when Woody comes back I have an interesting question for you guys
I don't know when he's coming back you can think about it beforeody comes back i have an interesting question for you guys oh i like that i don't
know when he's coming back you can think about it before it comes back yes have you ever met
and or confronted an online hater like in person like if you if someone who's come on
the show or you know old school FBS Russia show or anything like that
and someone throwing
hate and have you
met them in person and how
did you deal with it?
Thankfully no I've never met a hater.
So I'll
be honest my relationship with my fans
with the FBS Russia stuff was almost
unique in that it was 99%
positive.
I never had any hate from them about any like video.
Like no one ever got mad about anything.
And I would reply to comments for like hundreds and hundreds of comments.
If you go back and look through the comments of those videos,
they leave me like talking to people and like, I don't know.
I felt like I had, even though there were millions of views,
you know, the numbers would be like spinning off the chain.
It felt like I could have like a real conversation with with those people, even when they were, again, millions of people in there watching.
Yeah, but I'm trying to I thought I had an example, though, of what you're looking for.
I'll give you one confronting a hater. Yeah, I just went through something that was very interesting. I was the bad guy in this scenario.
I was on TikTok
and there was this
goth girl,
kind of hot, whatever,
and she
was talking about she had a bad
surgery experience, like a
BBL experience.
And she went
down to Mexico like a bbl experience and um and i and she went down a brazilian booty lift pretty much she went
down to mexico or a southern south america place to get it done so i say on her comments just you
know i wasn't trying to be a huge jerk or anything i said and she was having issues was wherever she
went to do surgery and i said well maybe you shouldn't go down
to mexico to get surgery yeah maybe you should say in america or canada where it's done properly
and pay the extra few bucks and you know she kind of ripped me a new one she you know she didn't
have a huge amount of followers on tiktok she kind of you know met she replied with my little
comment on there you know oh first of all wolf uh I didn't do this and not this and I couldn't afford this and yada yada yada.
And, you know, she was upset.
And, you know, I kind of felt bad and I kind of apologized for it.
I get it.
And I apologize.
So long story short, I'm in Starbucks one day and like she walks in the Starbucks I'm in.
I thought she was in Cali or something like that.
I was in just outside of Toronto and she walks in the Starbucks.
Her name is Cindy Schism 666.
And I'm not trying to advertise for anything, but you can take a look at her Instagram or what have you.
She's got,
you know,
huge boobs,
big butt.
She's got a pierced tongue,
like a snake.
You're not pierced.
Oh,
she's got a,
like a bifurcated.
Yeah.
Yes.
Got one of those tongues,
right?
That's awful.
You know,
I thought your question was going to be vocabulary related or like state
capitals or something.
I thought it was going to be a quiz.
I enjoy those
sorry quizzes too um
you upset this uh this insta whore and and and you had the and you had to like negotiate with
her because that's what she is right isn't she a lady who like begs for money online so she can
make her body more like a fuck doll and then she complains when she cheaped out because of you know she's
probably ugly that's why she's not getting enough donuts to make her butt big so she had to go to
the dominic not not even the dominican republic they do you right she had to go to honduras
and get a fucking like witch doctor to pump her ass full of lard and now she's like that
hold on hold on hold on yes you got that's what wolf said i'm just reading what he wrote i mean you're on the on point that's what he said so far it's uh so she walks into a starbucks
and i i see her because she's got this weird haircut that's like a um what do you call it
when it's short in the front and long in the back it's a mullet mullet she's got a blonde mullet and she's got this neck act too that looks
like a name mace and i and uh i see her and um she's wearing kind of normal clothes i guess you
could say because it's cold outside okay and i actually walked up to her and i said hey i'm wolf
from tiktok and she goes oh hey wow hey. Wow. And I go, yeah.
And I go, I have to apologize
because, you know what, I shouldn't
have judged you so easily, and
you seem like a cool chick, and
you know what,
maybe I was being a jerk
that day, maybe I had a hard day or whatever it was,
but that's no excuse. Just because
I'm online doesn't mean I should be a jerk.
And we shook hands
and we were cool about it and now we we mess each other back and forth and i hope she doesn't see
this oh but might not be friends anymore it was just the weirdest exchange and then just to see
someone in public like that like kind of it was like threw me for a curveball it's like yeah but i you know what i just i just felt like making it right
so i didn't have negative negative energy out in the air type of thing i feel you you don't want
that negative energy feeling like you were mean but based on what you said it doesn't seem like
you said anything over the line at all someone was bitching about a mexican butt lift and you're
like you know this wouldn't be a problem if you got a canadian butt lift and then yeah yeah yeah pissy at you i
think you're right i don't think you did anything wrong yeah i didn't need to do it though it it's
it it was i don't know i don't know it's kind of trolly of me in a way but if your heart told you
to to be kind and apologize you gotta you gotta follow that you gotta follow your instincts stay
a good person i want to be namaste at the end of the day right so i'm like i i you
know and then we're cool everything do you believe there's an afterlife sorry do you believe in an
afterlife i kind of do no i kind of i kind of hope there is if that makes oh we all hope there
is just like that fucking my dog hopes there is my dog hopes there's too. My dog hopes
there's fucking...
I grew up in church and my mom
is a professional gospel singer
and everything like that.
I'm not a huge...
I'm not big into the Baptist singing, but I believe in
Buddhism and I like studying
theology and stuff.
I'm hoping there is.
I know that's kind of a cop-out, but
I don't know. You're. And I know that's kind of a cop out, but I don't know.
I'd rather that you're optimistic.
I like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um,
I am,
uh,
I'm,
I'm just probably pessimistic.
Um,
um,
I,
I,
I don't like to be one of those atheists that like talks about it all the
time.
Those are the worst people in the world.
They are obnoxious.
Nobody fucking cares.
Like when i see
someone being like actually okay okay christ worshiper like like go get i'm like why are you
being fucking wrong with you toxic like like like just let him believe in his lord and savior i wish
i fucking believed i wish i'd been washed in the blood of the lamb oh lord i wish i had been washed
in the blood of the lamb and i believe i have been washed in the blood of the lamb. And I believe I have been washed in the blood of the lamb,
but it doesn't matter because I don't believe that it mattered because I don't
believe it's any of it's real.
I think Jesus was probably a historical figure,
but he was the result of a lady lying about cheating on her husband.
And like,
I guess like she told him those stories too.
And he just lived the life of the son of God as best he knew how.
Sounds like a good guy.
Probably,
probably good at
sleight of hand too because clearly those loaves came from somewhere okay oh water to wine hey you
don't have two bottles in there and those robes like look if you ever see someone doing a magic
trick and they happen to be wearing flowing robes yeah okay dude i haven't seen your wrist today
jesus i don't know where these miracles are coming from.
Can you imagine what would blow people's minds in the year zero?
Oh, she can see now?
Really?
You just met her today, too.
They're like winking at each other while he pays off a blind person.
Imagine if the, like.
Lepers got oatmeal all over him.
Normal wardrobe of the day with string bikinis,
but he wears like big flowing robes and he's a magician.
It's like, dude, I can see.
What's up?
I saw you, Jesus. You shy story. big flowing robes and he's a magician. It's like, dude, I can see what's up.
It's crazy because my mom,
again, she was in big time Baptist church and my dad was Nation of
Islam. Oh, hot.
Yeah.
Obviously that didn't work out. Sugar and
spice. Yeah, I was around
both, right?
I saw the...
No wonder you like black panther
forever up in there i don't know what you got the guns for well see i i meditate like
buddhists and stuff like that's funny but but i've i've gone to see farrakhan speak like several
times and i know a whole bunch of guys in that but i couldn't get with that because that's you
know a whole anti-weird white
thing happening at some point. They seem
angry about something. I couldn't put my
finger on it. Yeah, it was a little, you know, I got
my Martin Luther King in me and I got my Malcolm
X in me. It seemed like they were upset
that I was existing.
Just a little bit.
Farrakhan has said some
Kanye adjacent things
the whole time. I'm personally okay with Mr. farrakhan has said some some kanye adjacent things with mr farrakhan's existence but but he doesn't seem to feel the same about me but that's why i
was a malcolm x fan right because he kind of went the opposite way of the nation islam right because
he saw that muslims were a part of all colors and creeds and backgrounds and that's why they killed
him so you know i got my question so i i
never committed to one religion but i just hope there's some out there after so yeah i wish you
gotta commit to one that's what i'll say 100 i wish there were like i always like to say that
because it's the same like whenever i see people talking about their positions on political things
like like sex and religion and politics they're always being so dishonest yeah always being so fucking dishonest there's this layer of lie that they're all pretending
like when they talk about abortion and one side is so afraid of admitting that
yeah it's a baby yeah it is but it's in fucking convenient right now okay so smoke it smoke it
like a fucking it's like a like a saudi from a drone. Holiday ham. And you're Obama, okay?
Smoke it like anything else that America gets rid of and excises
because it's in fucking convenient.
That's what their position should be.
Stop fucking lying like that fetus isn't a baby.
Fetus is Latin for baby.
Stop.
You fucking nincompoops.
You're proving how ignorant you are every step of the way
with the words that come out of your fucking dumb mouth.
I know you're not dumb.
You're just liars.
Yeah, well, everyone twists it to what works for them, right?
Get on board.
Did you see the Bill Burr bit?
I don't know.
Embryo.
It's fertilized, but it's just been a few days
six weeks so it's not a baby
see i i see i have this whole thing where like i the bible i'm not it's a baby every step of the
way it here's here's how you got to view it here's how you view it and then it all makes sense all
of a sudden okay you've been trying so hard to have a child with your wife it's been years her eggs are few you're getting up in
your years you want to play with this you'll play ball with the boy you want to like like like dance
with the girl you all these things time's precious your wife has conceived a drunk driver hits her
outside and she miscarries that baby. Was that your baby?
Even though it was the test just turned blue or whatever.
It's been a week and a half.
It just turned blue.
Your baby was killed.
Not not.
You're not like, oh, yeah, that thing that might have been should have been would have been.
No, you already you've known what your kid's name is going to be for a decade.
You've been trying to have that.
I see this scenario when I get where you're going.
I still think that it's a dream.
It's a promise. It's a potential
person. That's what it is. Not a person
yet. I've planted enough seeds in the ground
and watched them turn to flowers to see that
99.9% of the time
it works out.
Once it's germinated,
it's a fucking... Alright, now you're not a corn seed anymore
once it's germinated, it's a plant
I don't know about that
that's a corn plant
it's going to be a full grown
we don't need to bring botany
into this, man
we're talking about murdering babies
have you seen
that new, it's actually
one of the funniest clips Bill Burr's done
in a while, where he's talking, he pretty much mirrors exactly what kyle says where he's like
it is killing a baby and he's like yeah that bullshit they say we're like you know the cake
thing where he's like if you start baking a cake woody and 10 minutes into the process when it's
still all liquidy i go in your kitchen and throw your cake everywhere i can't go it wasn't a cake yet i didn't destroy your cake it's like yeah but it would have been like that
that's how it and it kind of was in this weird quasi schrodinger's uh box thing like it seems
like it is a person or isn't entirely depending on the position of the person yeah yeah and so
it's not not a very objective thing.
I feel like in Kyle's scenario where
we tried so hard and she died in a car
accident maybe it was or murder, doesn't matter.
It's like, oh, you ruined my dream.
It doesn't make it a baby yet. You just
destroyed my hopes.
I love the case in Texas.
The case in Texas right now, this
couple's divorcing, wife
is pregnant. Because of their divorcing she doesn't
want the baby anymore she's uh she has all these whatsapp conversations with her with her friends
like three other women and she she's like i know that if i had this baby like like he'll want to
be in its life and that means i'll never be able to get away from him like like he'll want this
child we got to find a way because te has restricted abortion laws. So these women all work together and get her some abortion pills.
And she goes through the abortion.
Now those three ladies are being sued as accessory to murder because that's
what they did in Texas.
The law in Texas though,
that this is what they'll never say in any news article.
Cause I read five of them today.
They can't sue the woman who gave birth.
They're like,
this is just another time
they're trying to punish these women these women they're giving no not those no they're they're
always making about the mother or the pregnant person or the uterus host or whatever we're
calling them now um they always make it out like she's being attacked no that's happening to the
wife nothing at all is happening to the wife. She's still getting divorced.
She got her abortion done.
But those three women who work with her are going up on accessory to murder charges, I think.
Damn.
Conspiracy charges, you would imagine, too.
Texas has that thing.
I can't remember if it went through or not.
But I think Texas has that bounty hunter thing where you can like.
Yeah, that's insane, bro.
You go out there.
You just sniff an abortion. If you smell an abortion in the air, Taylor, you can like... Yeah, that's insane, bro. You go out there and you just sniff an abortion.
If you smell an abortion in the air, Taylor,
you can be like...
I don't know.
Taylor.
I think it's $10,000
if you catch an abortion.
I remember they passed that.
Why do I have this memory of it getting shot down the court?
I'm catching four or five of them a week.
Oh, well.
Four or five of them a week.
I'm making booboo buck only fans.
This is the future.
I'm a bounty hunter now.
I'm a bounty hunter.
I chase down women at a difficult time in their life and turn them into the federal government.
No, I get them pregnant, Taylor.
No, what I do is I get them pregnant.
I tell them they should get the abortion, but I'm hands off. And then when they do, I report them into the federal government. No, what I do is I get them pregnant. I tell them they should get the abortion,
but I'm hands off. And then when they do, I report
them.
$10,000 each,
Taylor.
What if that was your racket?
Imagine you hired a prostitute.
I'm there. I'm imagining.
Okay, you got her.
You pay her $200.
You get her pregnant. Now she's pregnant. Then you report her abortion. You get $200,000. You get her pregnant. Now she's pregnant.
Then you report her abortion.
You get $10,000 back.
I just made an infinite money loop.
And you took scum off the streets.
Every time you find one of these in a video game,
it just breaks the meta.
Get to it, Texas!
Get to it, Texas!
It's a meta bust.
I'm going to hell for this conversation.
I think that bounty thing stuck.
I don't know why I thought it went away,
but it,
as a matter of fact, they're modeling other things they want to get rid of.
Right now they're doing it for drag shows.
If there's drag shows,
you can get a bounty on that.
I've been,
I've been sniffing them out too.
We need bounties.
Bounties should be on everything.
Going backwards, bro. It's going backwards. We need bounties on our world. Bounties should be on everything. To the highest bidder, Wild West.
Going backwards, bros.
Going backwards.
But whatever.
I'm not going to.
I don't know.
I just, look, I saw one of those shows where there were children present and there were
performers on stage rubbing their genitals and humping and they were in fetish wear.
Yeah, but that was like, we've all seen that video.
And maybe that's an isolated incident or whatever.
But it's like, are we filming every show?
Like, what's our sample size again?
Like, why is, like, everybody that was okay with it. What was the Robin Williams movie where he was in drag?
Mrs. Doubtfire?
Yeah.
Do you remember when he, like, danced sexually
and accepted tips from children?
He dressed as an old, proper English lady.
Yeah. What do you think would happen if they made that movie today
nothing would happen
it's funny
everyone dresses in drag
I bet if that movie came out
now and there was like a drag movie
absolutely
it's not a drag movie
no one has a problem
it's a comedy movie
a grooming movie
where we try to get our children to...
This right here is not on.
That was a lame argument.
The issue is not cross-dressing.
No one cares about cross-dressing.
You're talking about drag.
It's a sexual sit in front of children
is what the problem is.
If you watch Mrs. Doubtfire with a bunch of kids,
it's a funny, silly movie.
When you see those clips on Twitter of an adult man in drag with a G string on accepting tips from children in a sexualized environment.
And everyone knows the difference.
What if they're just reading books?
Which books are they reading?
Like you're taking the most extreme situation you've seen.
You're taking the one, maybe two extreme situations.
If you're just reading books to kids and lip syncing the songs, there's nothing wrong going on.
I'm talking about those sexualized clips I've seen of sexually dancing in the presence of children.
How much of that has actually happened, though?
You can't take one and put them all in that.
You know what I'm saying?
How much is too much?
They've taken that one incident and made it seem like that's the norm
well like hold on like i'm not saying that everyone's sitting down reading a book is that
but there has absolutely been way more than one incident of drag shows where there was highly
sexual behavior going on around children like that's not a lot you compare to the amount of
legit stuff happening and i i don't We can't do the whataboutism
either because I want to abolish all
religions because I think they are places to
molest children and take
advantage of women.
That's a core part
of every
religion. It's how they work.
All you need to do is
look at the demographic of
pedos who are assaulted children and see what that demographic is.
And then all this nonsense about drag queens is out of the window.
It's irrelevant.
It's not just about.
Well, you can't focus it and say, oh, we're only worried about the ones who molest.
What about the ones who get off by exposing themselves to children?
What about the jail?
Just like you would any straight male. You didn't put that guy who get off by exposing themselves to children? What about the ones... In jail, just like you would at any
straight male. You didn't ever put that guy
in jail. He exposed himself to children. He was rubbing his
crotch in front of children. You wouldn't like that if someone approached
your child and publicly did that. Absolutely not.
That's why parents gotta be careful where they take their
kids. It's a parenting thing.
Would you let your child go to
one of these trans reading parties? Yeah, sure.
Why not? How do you know he's not gonna
go to the one where that guy's at?
Because I'd be there.
What if that guy shows up and he starts
rubbing his crotch? Then we leave.
Bigot.
Fucking take it.
Fucking take it.
How's that going to make you feel?
How's that going to make her feel
when she sees you?
You should be an ally.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter how they feel.
If I took my kids to a regular puppet show
and the puppet show they're talking about something I don't like,
I'm going to take them out of there.
It's all about parenting.
You're trying to put the blame on someone else
when the real bad guys are
Uncle Mike who's being left alone with the kids.
I'll admit, I think the whole thing is
kind of weird.
First of all, I don't know. I wouldn't
want my kid to go to fucking drag show
reading hour. I think that's putting
two things together that make no
fucking sense, regardless
of how you feel about drag. If I were
into drag, if I were a drag
person, I'd be like, wait,
so we're going to do we're going to read children.
No fucking get you get you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Motherfuckers dancing in my fucking boots.
I want to see how fucking it's what a bad bitch I can look like on stage.
And look at my fucking thighs.
You think I've been doing squats for kids?
No, I'm reading to children.
I'd also think it was weird if we had a gas station clerk
reading hour for children. I'd be like,
whoa, whoa, whoa. Who are these gas station
clerks? Why do they want to read to kids?
I think it was weird if we had a bank teller's
reading hour for children. Whoa, what
the fuck do bank tellers have to read to my kids
about? Why do we
have this weather?
That's a parenting issue.
Why are the bank tellers demanding
access to my kids like i don't know like i said i think that it's all this is just taking away
from the real uh i started reading the real rumors who are causing the real problems if you start
showing me statistics of where uh these people in that demographic are causing actual harm, then that's
a different story.
I think it would depend on your definition of that
demographic. Anyone who's into
dressing up?
The trans community. If you start showing
me statistics of where the trans community...
Oh, man, you'd find some rough data there. You wouldn't want
to start on that broad of
a
point.
You'd lose that one.
If you said...
We keep track of all of it, though.
We keep track of all of it, though.
If you look at the statistics,
they keep track of who's doing these things.
And again, it's not just about the
molestation.
I just think it's weird that we're having
a reading hour with those guys dressed up as ladies. Just because it's weird doesn't think it's weird that we're having a reading hour with those
guys dressed up as ladies.
Yeah, just because it's weird doesn't mean it's
a witch hunt
scenario. Oh, I agree.
That I agree with.
I wouldn't
if I were allowed to vote.
I wouldn't vote for...
If it came up, I'd be like, why the fuck
have we spent any time rooting out the drag
shows how many were there yeah exactly that would be my i'd be like like six of them is is silly now
i like it as a show topic i'm not saying that but i feel like there's been this effort to act like
grooming is happening all yeah drag shows are happening all over woke is just a keyword that you can throw at everything including
bank failures and and oh they blame wokeness on the fucking train derailment and shit not
the left wants you to believe it was ball wheel bearings but it was really wokeness that caused
the train the fact that we're talking about these things is just like oh you're they're
suckering people they're suckering people. They're suckering
people into believing that these are the big
issues facing America. And it's not
got nothing. It's all a distraction.
You know who's actually molesting children at really
high rates? It's fucking youth pastors. That's
right, Wendigoon. I'm looking at
your little group.
Youth pastors.
Wait, this
always gets blown by there is
data out there that this youth pastor priest shit they don't molest kids at a higher rate than
teachers teachers have a molestation rate at about the same level as catholic priests and what you
can tell looking at things like this which is unacceptably fucking high like because people
who like demand access to children, there's
sometimes sinister motives
when people do that. 100%.
Yeah. Totally agree.
And again, none of those people are
in that old trans community.
Yeah, well,
you can
deal with a problem
of kids getting molested without being like,
it's just this group.
But that's what they're using the term grooming for.
That's the whole thing behind grooming is that that's what they sing.
That's what it's for.
And so,
so then again,
like,
like not split hairs here,
but it's not even that they're not trans people either.
They're drag performers.
These,
these people could identify in any number of ways.
These could be cis men who like,
who like my boy Fenster,
who like to dress up and be silly.
And these could be, I think that's usually where they draw from.
What I always see is big dudes who are not straight, usually gay,
but who like to dress up like bad bitches with boas and stuff.
And I always see it on the front page of Reddit.
Like what is it?
RuPaul's drag race?
Like, yeah, I watch that with my daughter.
I'm always surprised that I don't, I don't see the, the draw,
but of the dressing up or anything,
but I don't watch any reality shows or anything like that.
I just mostly watched, you know, dramas.
And it's a whole different, like I, when I wasn't,
I was DJing in the nineties in New York at red zone and stuff like that. And then you see the gay guys come in and hip hop guys come in and everyone's dancing and solid. Like I'm, I'm around that community sometimes i can see that the witch hunt that's happening now
and it has nothing to do with the actual children being hurt and i think it's a distraction that
certain entities are using to look away from what's really wrong with society
i don't know if it's even that deep i think that there are a lot of people who don't like
drag queens and Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
And also, here's another thing.
Fear.
Your voting block will really love if they hear you got all those drag queens away from the kids.
That's a great fucking tagline, man. I tell you what.
You ride into Atlanta and you tell the black community out here who would normally vote blue,
you know what else we did?
We made it so those drag queens stay away from little kids yeah yeah oh shit you just picked up 15 20 of the black vote you might
be able to swing this thing back red because because i mean uh people who are religious you
you go into any church the black community white or black very homophobic even on any church any
church in america white or black well maybe not maybe not any. I've seen on the internet.
And you ask them how they feel about the topic.
And word it however you want.
Make it flowery.
Bring your poster boy
up for drag.
Who's a youth pastor.
And that's why he molested the kids. Not because
of his drag. Bring him up
there. And it'll still go the same way.
They're not down for that shit.
Exactly.
I don't argue that it works well politically,
but it doesn't bother me that it works well politically.
Say that again,
Woody.
It doesn't bother me that it works well politically.
It bothers me.
I don't,
it,
shit,
I got fucked up.
It doesn't,
it bothers me that this is working.
They are tricking stupid people into
thinking that this is a major issue and they just beat on that door night after night after night
getting stupid people to be like oh critical race theory woke oh my god fucking woke banks are
failing woke wheel bearings are getting too hot and drag queens are a problem and they just beat
there's no real policies being proposed here no
it's just has many bills culture wars i mean i think a lot of bills i see pages of shit
desantis does it's always woke shit it's always anti-woke this and that when he goes after disney
it's about censoring movies he doesn't like when he goes after you know the don't say gay thing
it's about talking about what people can say in a classroom.
The Disney thing is not about censorship.
What is it?
What is it about?
It's about them not supporting him and their policies a while back and him taking away their special election zone.
It had the two.
They should have had anyway.
Yeah, but he changed the election zones to mess up the minority vote.
What? He won 60%. He changed the
election zones to decrease
the power the minority vote
has. Where? In Florida?
Yes.
He got 60% of the vote.
He moved the lines, essentially.
When did he do that?
I can't remember specifics.
He got 60% of the vote. You can slice that pie up any way you want. He got 60% of the vote.
You could slice that pie up any way you want.
He got 60% of the vote.
That's crazy.
And it's like, I don't know.
Maybe I'm getting too old.
DeSantis is most likely at this point your next president.
Which is scary because he's like a functional extreme Trump.
Here's the deal desantis put together a bill that said that i guess teachers couldn't talk about sexual orientation and gender identity i know if you get
into the details of this bill a lot of people like it i don't think i fully understand the details
but i can say that was the genesis of the disney desantis problem it was him wanting to talk about
what teachers can talk about in classrooms.
Disney felt like DeSantis was being a bigot
of some sort, and that's what the issue is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so now they don't get to regulate themselves
like their own private little government.
I don't know why they ever had that right.
I don't know why that was ever a good idea.
Allow me to digress on this for just a second.
Please. The FAA governs itself.
And the EPA is its own quasi-government and enforcement.
And it makes sense.
Because if you asked your local senator to pass bills on airline safety, they don't have the expertise.
So they sort of farm that out to somewhere else.
That's what they do with the EPA too.
Is that why disney governed itself because in their little empire why did it ever make sense for disney to operate because they paid a politician to get it or they do that because
they lobby no i mean like they didn't no no governor of florida organically went you know what i want less power i want you guys having more high five disney like
clearly there's like that's a huge income stream i want to know how it really happens you can kind
of like google it later you can like ascertain like they definitely paid for that they paid
was it democrats was it republicans and is it a politician i don't know but like you don't get
that level of you don't get that level of privilege without paying people off.
You don't get your own little mini-autonomous country,
your own little Vatican City in Florida,
just for going, hey, pretty please.
You get it for pay-to-play, for funding someone's campaign.
That's how that shit gets going.
That makes sense. It makes sense.
I just don't like to assert it.
So they basically probably owned pieces of Florida for a while.
Oh, and then they called out its own government in Florida. for a while. Oh, in Florida.
Tap.
Let's see.
Marjorie Taylor.
Disney story.
Just introduced bill.
H R eight 99 or something like that to dismantle the department of
education.
Think about that for a second.
Like good.
Send it back to the States.
What? I don't give a fuck about the department of education. Good. Send it back to the States. What?
I don't give a fuck about the Department of Education.
Like kids are kids are dumber than ever.
OK, yeah.
We need to make it worse.
Like it should be.
I mean, kids are dumber now.
Do you see these articles of like the tiny percentage of groups of high schoolers that can read at a competent level now?
Like, you know, our education system is dog.
The American system is
horrendous, bro.
So get rid of it. That's what he wants to do.
Make a better one.
Now Georgia
has a Department of Education, and they'll
apply for federal funding, and they'll get to teach
their students the Georgia way,
which is going to be different because they need to learn
shit a little bit differently than maybe they do in California.
There's also going to be differences in amounts of money and funds that are available.
Okay, first of all, the system is messed up.
Why not?
Neighborhoods should not – all schools should be funded the same way, not based on the neighborhood you live in.
I agree, but if we did that, it wouldn't make well.
Some of the schools are like Baltimore City, New York City.
Because the most funded schools are the least performing ones.
Everybody was freaking out about this high school that was going viral on TikTok.
They have an auditorium.
They have workshops.
Yeah, I saw that.
Yeah.
They get $9,000 per student.
You go to Baltimore, they're getting $20,000 per student.
It's about the way
that system works there in Baltimore, and it has nothing to do with anything else. And they made it
a white-black thing. It's not a white-black thing. It's an economic thing. So it's poorer
neighborhoods are going to have poorer schools. It's a geographic thing. I think what Kyle is
saying is that it's not just a money
and economic thing because the
government is giving more to schools that
are underperforming. No, they're not.
Yeah, they are.
Per student, those schools
receive a lot more money.
Not across the board. That's not how it works.
I do worry that
we're just picking some examples.
Maybe Baltimore is particularly inefficient with their money.
And some schools in Iowa is particularly efficient.
When you go to poor neighborhoods, you have poor resources in the school.
You have old computers and you don't have whiteboards.
You don't have the nice stuff.
What sounds like, again, the Department of Education is failing them.
The local one is.
I benefited from this.
So where I went to school, I lived in a resort town. And
in the summer, the population was 18,000. And in the winter, when I said it backwards,
in the winter was 18,000. In the summer, it was a quarter million. So we had these beach houses
that would pay into real estate taxes. But most people didn't spend their kids to those schools. They were just empty
homes all winter long. And because of that, my school was incredibly well-funded. We had the
highest paid teachers in New Jersey, which is one of the highest paid States in the nation.
And we would go on like whitewater rafting vacations overnight to New York and DC and
shit like that. Um, it was just, it it was just super well funded and they've changed it
since then they decided that like the real estate taxes shouldn't determine how much funding the
school gets i don't think we should have public but i've seen it and i understand how better
funded schools can be better what what would you have instead i think we'd have like a series of
private schools and if you can't afford school we we've got a job for you, boy.
You're going to the front lines of Ukraine.
Automatic
military.
You can't afford school, we make you a youth pastor.
Oh, that's a
good position.
Everybody should try to be a youth pastor.
You've got it.
Really?
Here's the move. Let me tell you what.
Here's the move.
Let me tell you this.
Here's a move that is as classic as the
yawn and put your hand around the girl.
It is the 27-year-old youth
pastor who has been
grooming a 13 or 14
year old for the last 4 or
5 years and now they're getting married
because she's 18 and they couldn't be happier to get to like move in together it happens so much
it deserves its own i don't doubt that yeah i don't doubt it either that's pretty ghoulish
so wendigoon you better be showing up hey nothing nothing negative about wendigoon he's a good
christian man and he cares about the Lord and he follows the
Lord. He's an actual youth pastor. I love it.
Every time I'm talking with him, he's so rational and I really
enjoy it. And then he's like, oh yeah, remember Kyle,
I'm a youth pastor. I'm like, what the fuck?
Now I get it. It's the pussy.
He's getting married to a girl.
Why are you telling me?
He's getting engaged to a girl his own age.
Wendigoon, you're missing out on your opportunity.
And that's the show.
Well, that wasn't supposed to be me.
That was supposed to be funny.
PKA fans, I love you.
This is all just talk.
We're all talking.
We're all friends having fun.
We're just riffing.
We're just goofing.
We're just having fun.
We're just here in our virtual beer hall
having a good old talk. That's all.
Yeah!
Having a good old talk.
I know what you're talking about.
Great. Thank you. I need to get one of you.
I need one of you.
I knew immediately I wasn't going to.
PKA 639.