Painkiller Already - PKA 661 W/ Josh Wolf: Non Kosher Rabbi, PKA Bible Study, His Dying Wife Asked For What?

Episode Date: August 19, 2023

painkiller already 661 harley is filling in for woody we've got our wonderful guest josh wolf wolf back again how's it going gentlemen well why can't josh be filling in for woody and i'm just here chilling because he's got a flight to catch that sounds very woody though that sounds very you said a bad word he's demonetized woody sorry episode is brought to you by Lock and Load, pharaohdistro.com, and, of course, BetterHelp. We'll hear more about them later. But, yeah, as Kyle said, we've got Josh and Harley. Josh, you're heading out of town in the next bit for a stand-up show,

Corpus Christi. Yeah, I'm down at Corpus Christi this weekend. Never been down there before to do stand-up. I used to party down there when I lived in Texas. So we'll see. I'm excited, though, man. It's going to be hot as fuck. Yeah, that will be rough.

You were talking about doing stand-up with your son and shows like that. Do you offer tips to him sometimes as a more wise comedian where you're like, Hey son, you've been hitting this same bit for a long time now. Like, and it's not, and it's not playing. I love you, but it's not playing.

Like, does that ever happen? Yeah. I don't think I say it quite as nicely as that. Okay. I thought you were talking about epic mealtime for a second. We, we,

we, we look, we have a great relationship. We figured out how to separate father-son shit and business stuff. And he'll come off stage and I'll be like, hey, that joke didn't work. And he's like, yeah, I know. But it's funny when I give him this one part'll give him a this one part of the story that i for weeks i kept telling him hey hey hey this isn't try this and he was like oh my god it

and i was like try this i was like he was like i got it so last week he tried it and it fucking worked and i was like you know i've been doing this for a couple years dude like you just needed a drunker crowd yeah this is free advice man yeah my crowd is probably higher than they are drunk and i've turned my friday night late shows into mushroom shows so i take two and a half grams before i go on stage and just fuck around you ever take like two grams and it's just it like hits a bit like three and you get out there and instantly you're like, they're not going to like this.

Or are you always like, are you last week? Okay. Yeah. You know, sometimes the mushrooms just hit harder. And last week I hit harder. And last week during the show,

I think I said out loud, I hope i can figure out a way to land this plane what's funny about that is like you're doing like like just getting on stage and and and speaking is a huge fear for a lot of people that you know you i mean i've taken for granted many times uh and then being able to tell jokes and entertain people like i halfway tried that once and that was the hardest and scariest shit and doing drugs in public or even trying mushrooms but you throw it all together casually and you're like uh-oh let's see how this goes yeah i don't really mind public speaking as much as most people but i want to be sober ideally i'll be like all right i want to feel like what's the biggest crowd

all right so it's gonna vary wildly i think for each of us what's the biggest crowd of live people you've had to just say something to announce something get them in order hey everybody this is the thing what's the biggest crowd hmm i did a lot for josh i i think i have 53 000 yeah live damn he won that's crazy because like even with all the training that i have or being like i'm getting in front of 50 just trying to imagine it like getting my head in that space standing in front of 53 000 people no matter what you have to say even if it was entirely for their benefit i feel like i'd be like hello and you'd hear like hello hello hello even just i've done a couple hundred at paintball events, but even just getting on a bullhorn and talking to people, it's like, man, they're not all looking.

It's like if you can't get them, then you're feeling like, should I speak louder or should I just shut the fuck up and walk away? Am I causing a problem here? You're going to read the rules of paintball. Slink out of there. The 53,000, I was doing comedy, so I was opening for larry the cable guy and he sold the 53 000 tickets at husker stadium in nebraska right and he would have sold more but they had to put the stage somewhere yeah and and what was weird is that i would tell a joke and i

would hear laughs and i would go into my tell a joke and I would hear laughs. And I would go into my next joke, but then I would hear laughs because the people were so far away. It took so long for their fucking laughs to get to me. It really threw me. And he said after the show, he said, I'm so glad you went first. That was weird to hear those delayed laughs. I was like, yeah, it was real weird. So he used you like a guinea pig and then he got up there and he's like all right instead of a two count

we're doing a four count between our jokes or whatever yeah you know what happened that show so it was a fourth of july show he was filming it for a special and so one of the bits for him at the beginning is he was going to have a guy parachute in, but, you know, one of those where he gets to do this and kind of. And the guy was going to be dressed like Larry, the cable guy, and he was going to land, run behind the stage. And then Larry or Dan is his name was going to run up. So the guy starts to parachute and everyone's like, oh, look. And, you know, the pre audios coming on. Everybody is like, I'm coming down to see you or whatever it was and we're standing behind stage and we're

watching this dude and this was this dude's retirement jump oh no he was almost to his pension and the wind picks up and the dude who's who's part of his you was part of the parachute team go, I'm standing next to him and I just hear him go, oh, no. And I was like, what? Is he on comms, by the way, in the parachute? Did he hear that? Oh, no. Also, that'd be terrifying.

There's nothing you can tell him that'll matter. You know what I mean? It's one of those. The next thing he said out loud was, I don't he's gonna make it it's on youtube this dude crashed into the cement stadium seats oh no oh it was fucking wait this guy died no I think he was sick and dislocated his ankle. But he still was here to run backstage. We're listening to your audio.

We just lost your audio there, John. Would you say, what was it? Oh, the bit was the bit was that he had to run backstage so Dan could run onstage. Of course. And the guy was that he had to run backstage, right? So Dan could run on stage. Of course.

And the guy was a fucking pro. Broken coccyx, dislocated ankle, peeled himself off those stands, ran backstage. It was amazing. Dude, I just watched it. That guy hit the stand so hard. Well, it wasn't from the sky. Hey,

what's your, what's your, is that your ass bone? That's your, that's your tailbone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's, yeah. One of the worst things to break apparently. Cause like, how are you supposed to be comfortable in ever with that? I will say, I, I,

Josh has been kind to that gentleman. He limped his way to the stage. He was fucked up. You know what would have been funny is if like, he went back He limped his way to the stage. He was fucked up. You know what would have been funny is if he went back behind to the concession area and then Larry came out limping as he was like, oh, man. Larry should have faked the limp. That would have been good. That would have been good.

Contact. Is Larry the cable guy still? I never hear about him anymore. Did he just make more money than God and then check out? Yep. He has made more money than god and he still probably does 20 shows a year i'll tell you something right now man i've met a bunch of people in this business and say whatever you want about him nicest guy i've ever met in this

business generous to a fault to his friends and his family and his openers and just a solid solid dude and would do an hour and a half every night for his fans and had something crazy like 310 punch lines in his set it was just a even if you hated his show and you're like, I'm only going to laugh at 50% of his jokes, that's 155%. Out of that blue-collar comedy tour, he was not my favorite because obviously he's kind of playing to the lowest common denominator. He's for the dumb rednecks, and I'm more of a fancy Bill Ingvall kind of guy. Ah, yes. Intelligent. You really think that Larry the Cable Guy?

Honestly, Ron was my favorite. Jeff Foxworthy, yes. Intelligent. You really think that Larry the Cable Guy? More Ron White, honestly. Ron was my favorite Jeff Foxworthy, obviously. I remembered those Jeff Foxworthy, you learn something from kids. Yesterday I learned you can put eight boxes of raisins in a cassette player. I still remember listening to those jokes as a kid, like a little kid, and all of his Christmas albums and stuff.

Larry was honestly my least favorite of them, but I loved that whole thing, that blue-collar comedy tour. Ron White is painfully funny. I don't know this off the top of my head, and when people talk about the greatest comics of all time, they're skewed,

but I would bet you out of the top 20 comedy albums of all time, not they're skewed but i would bet you out of the top 20 comedy albums of all time not downloaded but comedy albums bought sure if you count blue collar foxworthy and cable guy my bet is they have eight out of the top 20 would be my bet i bet you i bet you sandler's number one i bet you his album is number one. I know that their crowd, their audience in particular, like the blue-collar crowd, buy shit. They buy shit.

And not just – not usually digital shit. They'll buy a hard copy of your shit. They got CD players. They got cassette players. You better sell some cassettes because they'll buy them. So I believe it. i believe they sold a fucking metric shit they get cassette players first i think they made a movie you know like i know that larry made several movies that i just couldn't watch um dude but he was mater in cars that's right yeah i don't watch any animation really that's for children i've not seen cars but i know that's a huge movie yeah i've heard mitre though i've saw like that character that

that fucking he's the truck he's the redneck rusty ass truck and he's got obviously larry's cable guy voice it's i do know that a great writer old school jokes set up on line set up right there aren't a whole lot of people doing it but like sam morrell's doing it now mark norman those guys are kind of more old school but cable guy was the only guy for a long time doing it and man so good to his fans he'll shake every hand take every picture just a solid dude solid i remember watching blue collar comedy tour when i was young and loving larry the most because i was like a young guy and i thought he his whole character was funny like even at that age i was like this is obvious he's not really a capable

guy like he's being silly and but i like i was maybe like 13 and every time they'd be sitting on like the four stools and it was jeff foxworthy's turn to like start riffing i'd be like fuck man like give it to the drunk guy or pass it back to larry like like billy and jeff foxworthy can both just saunter on backstage this is like what 13-year-old me wanted. I wanted the high energy of Larry the Cable Guy and the smug fuck you of Ron White together. I'll tell you something else about Cable Guy. Don't play wiffle ball with him. That dude is a fucking master. I'll keep that in mind next time we hang out. I won't challenge him.

Kyle, you love Wiffle Ball. Me too. That's why I got to keep it quiet. It would crush my dreams of being a pro. I can't lose to the cable guy. I haven't played Wiffle Ball in forever, but that's a really embarrassing sport to whiff on. So I think it's come back,

or maybe I'm just misunderstanding what i'm watching because i watch these baseball youtubers and they're able to put this they play this game where they throw they play wiffle ball basically but they're putting so much spin on the goddamn ball it's really hard to hit and uh i don't know professional high level wiffle ball is definitely too hard for me because the the ball is moving crazy amounts because high level anything is too much for me like you watch people you watch come on things that you feel like semi-competent in a game you play an activity and then you got a couple reality you got what can you do at a high level taylor high level impressions high level podcasting you look

like you probably do high level shoulder presses just like maybe a one shoulder exercise you look like you would nail one shoulder exercise but then if i go to the gym and i try to do my my epic overhead press there's going to be some giant who mogs me and makes me feel like a silly man well there's always a high there's always like the the peak of the highest level you know yeah i i think aspiring to be the lowest in the higher levels is really where you want to be you know you're never like a target no one's going to be aggro lifting at you or anything because you're not the biggest guy that's what we're doing with the podcast world the absolute lowest tier yeah is that hard for you harley

because i bet people look at you and they they get an idea it's like oh big tough scary guy yeah undercover like sometimes i want to be fucking tender and emotional and shit honestly i remember the year when i was like uh like you know i did the the whole youtube thing and had a persona you know what that's like and then i was just like i'm just a show everyone me guys i've been collecting action figures and i like to take these cool pictures of them and like uh 70 of the people were like you're gay shut up i thought you were cool now i know that you collect dolls you're all you did was jack daniels and bacon and women's assholes what are you doing were you on a show that i hosted for discovery

for shark week oh my god you were on that i hosted and so i i came in like fucking wasted eh yes i think i was banned from tv after that for a bit i was like negotiating stuff with discovery and they're like let's put that boy on ice a little bit they were like let's test run it okay that that was so okay man this is like 2012 maybe and uh it was like full crew epic mealtime and i honestly i remember we made i was wasted when i got there we were all wasted and i think i like even pep talked to him i was like guys we go out there just do whatever you want i think it was live right was it live i would like let's just like go crazy i think it would have been strategically would have been better today because people would have been like running clips on youtube a bit but back then discovery was like yeah this is like crazy this energy is like fucking like really crazy you were definitely shit-faced yes yes it was a it was a blur but like

you were sitting right next to me yeah oh i was the host yeah that was my it was his show you ruined that's what we're trying to say here harley this is what tonight's about it was like a special thing it was right wasn't it like a special i loved it now the the the network people were like what the fuck was that i'm like that was great tv is what that was that was amazing is like dudes like that guy we were we were chill right it was amazing no but like you and i we were chill right we didn't have we didn't fight on we didn't fight on set and and let me ask you another tell kyle tell kyle we hit it off you and i we we hit it off that's good i think i think better of you now did we ever because i was on a show i was writing on a show called called chelsea lately at the time and i was trying to get you on the show

did you ever get on that show no i didn't i didn't get on that but i uh i remember this being a thing that had floated around a bunch and i was always down for everything yeah i know like my rule was like if anyone called me to be on something i'd be like yeah let's go and we would go and do it uh that discovery shark week thing was huge that was like it was kind of like after i was like whoa we were what did we do i was like crazy that day and we went on and like i just it's you unlocked like such a memory because like how sad is that that like i was on tv and i'm like i'm just gonna like you know when you have like a fucked up night you delete your snap stories or whatever you're like i'm never gonna think about that again i did that for something that was supposed to be really special

but i went a little crazy i guess yeah 2012 11 years ago you were the sauce boss leaning in i just wish i remembered it it was great tv dude it was great tv i'm sure it's recorded don't worry i want to i want to what was so like what was Harley doing? Just like, oh, I'm going to go to this shark. Do you know what, dude? I might have it. I mean, I know I have all of them. I remember standing a lot and moving. Everyone was standing and moving.

And it was kind of like, everyone sit down. And we had a chum bucket. It was like a human chum or something like that and uh yeah that was that was crazy were you riffing like were you up there like you know what's funny about sharks they're the opposite of us i like the great white shark they're only seven percent of the shark i was like cringe obnoxious 20 no i was like fps russia's best bud character so i was like we got these fucking sharks like you know i was just like

i'm so drunk you're like hitting the classics over and over it was it was classic time i literally it was like classic was now like Like I was like, this is right. This is the right thing to be. Here's the thing is that the, what I loved about discovery is every episode they let me book somebody. And I remember watching you and I was like, this dude is going to be so good live. And they were like, how are you going to be able to control them?

I'm like, i don't think i will be but that's that's gonna be great it was we had the there was a show called moonshiners on too for a little bit yep and so we had the moonshiners guys on that would they were they were my guests too and i was like hey let's have them bring moonshine on and ask them what moonshine they would pair with like a nice salmon. Yeah. So we set up these fancy dishes of food and we had this dude named Pickle come in and he would pair his peach moonshine. He's like, this is probably good with the steak. But but but I love to having guys like Harley on because, you on because he's alive and awake.

And that's what you need for live TV. You need somebody who's going to take the screen and go, okay. I loved the times that we did get to do something like in traditional media, something like that. It was always so cool because there's so many people putting it together but i'll just it reminds me of this time that i was at on set it was uh ridiculousness um the rob deer deck like clip show and i'll never forget i was in there and like no disrespect to anyone everyone there was actually uh really cool and nice and it was fun and the show was great but i uh we were i was in the writing room and there was a lot

of funny writers there a couple of them who i i own i had like their stand-up bit like downloaded on my phone like it was just cool seeing them like riff jokes and they all wrote jokes for for rob and then he would come in and hear the jokes and so like they showed a clip and one of the writers was like and then you'd be like uh something something or if that's a something something and he's everyone laughs it was a good joke and we're like that's funny and then rob's like i'm just gonna go what and and they're all like oh that's good too yeah yeah yeah and then like we watched the show and the clip plays and rob's like what and the crowd's like and i'm like i was like it was just a funny the whole circumstance

of that coming together was beautiful to see the sausage being made in that sense that's amazing you know it's funny just slaying with what it was a good joke the guy had a great joke and it was very funny i was like trying not to laugh too hard because I didn't want to disrupt. And Rob was like, no, I'm just going to be like, what? And Rob was right, actually. And that's why he was 15 shows on MTV. You want to hear something funny?

When I was in prison, we watched that show all the time. They'd show the reruns. It'd be a block of ridiculousness. So you'd see 12 of them in a row. That's all they play on MTV. Hotel style. It's like that your episode comes on and i'm like i'm gonna go to the bathroom i didn't see a goddamn thing they wouldn't believe

me anyway they wouldn't believe me you didn't try and talk yourself up like you see that cooking guy he's my good buddy piss and think about how i'd gotten to where i was it's so funny that like that is like very kyle thing to do in my brain as much as i know i was like if that comes on getting because even then even if you're like i know that guy if i were in jail i'd be like fuck that guy i'd be like i don't give a fuck about that guy i'd ask you a question first i'd be like what does everyone think of that guy? They wouldn't believe me. Like, really?

You know that guy? The guy on Ridiculousness. Aren't you in Cell Block 3? With the pedos? Did the writers also write jokes for you? Or did you have to come in with your jokes? They didn't write any jokes for me on that but there's a show called at midnight that was on comedy central where you stand there and it was like the chris hardwick

like uh guess it was a show but we knew all the questions before yeah and uh you sit down and uh like with i sat down with a writer there everyone did and we just like you spend like two hours writing the answer you're comfortable doing. And it's great. Cause you get like, you know, talented dude who's sits there and like kind of comes up and you, and like, it could be funny, but you might be like, I can't say that joke. I'm not funny like that. And then they say something, you're like, well, I'm just going to be like, what?

And you find your, you find your own, what? That's how we did it on Chelsea too. We would – like you'd go sit down with somebody who was on the show and you'd have jokes. And they probably came in with jokes too. And you were like, do you need any jokes for this? Do you want to hear any jokes? Because we would sit in the writer's room and just have a whole list of jokes.

And some – like we would write a joke and be like, nah, two out of three of the people on the panel couldn't tell this joke, but fucking Harley could tell it. So we would earmark certain jokes because we were like, do you know what I mean? But it was super cool. I'm with you. It was super cool to find people who knew their voice so well

that they were like, I can't tell the joke that way but i can tell it this way and change a word or two to make it fit their cadence and their my favorite is like uh being in a group with people that you're kind of like it's a funny day a funny moment everyone's like it's working and it's always interesting when someone throws something out and what they say, you see another person be like, oh, and then they say something and you're like, I could kind of see how your brain got that from this, but that's still weird that you did that.

You know, like I'd be a terrible joke writer. I'd be like, say this, but you have to do it as an Indian guy or it's not going to land. And they'd be like, once again, I'm not doing this. That's an AI. but you have to do it as an Indian guy or it's not going to land. Once again, I'm not doing this. That's an AI like this, like you on paper. But no, I think I think you, Kyle, Woody, like if you sat down and wrote jokes, like if you sat down and did that, like, yeah, you'd make some good. You guys, you guys would make it. Stories are easier to write than jokes.

I also think you guys could write jokes for each other yeah dude let's do a whole episode kyle where we write each other's joke people don't know this whole show is scripted i write this every wednesday night what if you did a whole show where each one of you acted like another one of you damn that would be funny and a good way to bully. Yeah. I mean, it's a podcast, by the way. Anybody listening, this is a podcast. What we do is we come here every week and record this sort of audio story, and then we upload it to the internet for people.

We call it a podcast. It's our thing. So I'm doing Woody. It's this. I'm doing me. Wait, wait, I got this. I got this. This thing of ours.

Wait, I got one. Here. The chair spun. That's just the Kyle exit. Oh, is it? It's always just the quiet. Yeah, I'm trying to be professional. That's how a professional stands.

It is. It's ceremonial. It's always the same thing. Headphones off, placed here. It's because if I bump anything, I'm afraid the audio is going to get fucked up because I don't touch anything, but occasionally there's a buzz or a hum.

And I'm genuinely scared that if I bump a wire or something, it's going to sound like shit. Dude, I got up from the show maybe a month and a half ago and there was like a wire going across here that I hadn't plugged into something else. And I I think I barely got off camera before I had like a two or three step stumble and almost fell down. And I was like, thank God you always mute your microphone because obviously professionalism. But otherwise, I would have heard like, and then like almost fall, like catching myself on the door, a jam right there. That would have been humiliating. And no one would have ever known if i hadn't brought it up just now but hey it's okay kyle and i asked the question now about what i read on

yeah yeah we were talking about this pre-show but i was like hang on let's make a show topic save the gold okay so on reddit i read there was a apparently there's a woman who had nine months to live and she asked her husband if he wouldn't mind if she had sex with her ex-boyfriend one last time because before she died because that was the best sex

she had ever had and he was asking do you think I should let her do and so for me like And he was asking, do you think I should let her do? And so for me, like, you know, what's crazy is I did ask two women and two women had the same answer. They were like, well, how do you know the guy would even want to? I'm like, that's such a woman answer. Because, of course, the guy's like, wait, she's dying.

And she asked me to fuck her. Yeah, I'll do it. Do you know what I mean? Make a wish foundation right here, baby. What's her timeline? 11 months. All right, talk to me in four. But interesting, because the guy was legit. Here's my take on it, right?

It's your life. You've got nine months. You get to choose. Now, don't cop out and ask me for permission. Because then if I say no, I'm the asshole. Yeah. So if it's something you want to do, do it. I don't know how I'm going to react.

I don't know if I'm going to want to spend the next nine months with you. Do they have kids? I don't know how i'm gonna react i don't know if i'm gonna want to spend the next nine months with you the kids i i don't know i think uh i didn't know that she had said the the best sex of my life part but i had seen this and i i found very a very fascinating mental exercise to consider uh it is a bit of a thought experiment so like i i agree with you first of all like if i were her and i thought this over a million times the least selfish thing to do would be to cheat on my husband and i it's like i know how that makes sense um it is like once you tell him like i would just make sure he doesn't know i guess or something um but like him is a fuck you i think yeah telling him is uh is funny because it's like well now you've done it now you've

already done it like it's already over now like like the the penis going in your vagina is like 30 of it the other 70 is like the weird shit my brain and my emotions are doing with like why did you want to do that who am i who are we and like whatever however any human would break that down but you did you took the 70 it's like well you stuck your finger in the cake already yeah no one else you took a bite of the bite of the donut like how about you enjoy the donut here's my counter offers who hurts honey really he was that good yes you just have no idea all right well i'm gonna have him come over and he's gonna train me up baby don't worry i'm gonna be working hand in hand with your ex-boyfriend in the bedroom from now it might take a year lab coat but we'll get there

it really was about just that super orgasm that ted can get her to have then but she'd be fine with that because we get ted in the bedroom with a lab coat on he'd be like no no you get like lift your ass a little yeah that's the stuff that it there's the angle right becky yeah see that's how you. There's the angle. Right, Becky? Yeah. See? That's how you make dreams come true. Dude, I bet that that dude who got told that by his wife, I bet he obviously hurt,

but he probably was much less sad about her dying a day later because he's prepping to be like, oh my God, my wife my my oh my whole world is changing and then she clues him in that like i'm not even into this and then he's like so this is over whether or not she is yeah like i'm gonna i'm going i'm going to disney i'm going and what happens if she miraculously makes it then i divorce her can i say it well can i gotta say something i none of you guys are thinking it but i'm thinking it you believe this bitch no i think it's a guy on red no i don't no no i'm saying i don't believe this bitch for a second you don't think she's sick

or you think no no i think she's sick she wants to bang ted she's sick and she's actually going to die and she's trying to retroactively relinquish her wrongdoings because she's on her way to heaven so she's thinking if you okay it now well then you would have okayed all of it and when she gets up to heaven that's her negotiating chip already she's not asking on behalf of another guy they talk still a million percent they talked i'd be going through that sick bitch's phone in a second put the gps tracker on a hospital bed yeah what are you doing at st john's again i don't trust it i'm i walk away from the table like i'm in vegas and i'm like if that's what you want, you got good luck, gentlemen.

Do you know what I'm saying? And I don't know when you come back. I may be like, yeah, I don't really care. I really just want to think what I do or I might eat dicks. I think what I think I say, yes. And then I take the proof of her cheating on me, use it to divorce her so that my insurance doesn't pay for her medicine that keeps the pain away anymore. I'm similar to that

angle. I would have been like, give me cash. Literally, give me all of your cash. Give me all your cash, everything. You're not leaving anything for anyone. You chose him. Does it say how long they've been married? Eight months. you're not leaving anything for anyone you chose him

does it say how long they've been married? 8 months I want to know everything I want to know where he lives when was the last time she saw him? you get power of attorney over her and then you convert your entire family Christian science.

Now you're a Christian scientist and you can't use medicine. Can we for a second, though, talk about the ego boost that this other dude must have? Like dying chicks, their last wish is a little dick from David. Everyone wants to fuck him now. His dick stock is through the roof now through the roof but it causes cancer so yeah that's that was the whole thing he gave her hpv and killed her yeah it's a killer dick yeah that dig is sick that infuses you with a huge common pancreatic cancer i mean look you would imagine i would imagine that

an orgasm wouldn't be the thing you were thinking about when you got nine months to live you know and we're men saying that we're supposed to be the ones who are super you know about an orgasm so looking down on her big time i'm thinking why aren't you there's this um what's that song it's like uh it's about a guy diagnosed with cancer um and he's like started living then you know like my i don't know i'd be trying to do some shit like what he's doing right now what he's at moab right now he sent us this crazy video what he's doing yeah every well i mean we all are but he's just closer than any of us night uh yes there you go he rode his dirt bike up to the top of this peak of a goddamn mountain in the desert in colorado or wherever the fuck it's crazy how

high up he was it was it was pretty neat i don't know if you guys knew if you knew you were nine months away you're not like justin okay first of all i am ten thousand percent becoming religious nine months before i go just come really yeah like what you're gonna knock that well what are you doing are you doing a draft like are you going to visit like a mosque and a synagogue and like i'm trying to pick the best or honest with myself yeah i don't know i would have to well like are you all in on the one from birth like i listen i'm jewish guy i'm from birth? Like, I'm a Jewish guy. I'm a Jewish guy.

But like, I'm a Jewish guy. Like, I'm going to go see what the other gods are offering in the afterlife and which one I feel like. Islam is the same God. No, Islam is hard. Islam is hard. God's going to know. It's the same God. They don't think that.

They do think that. They believe in Jesus. They just don't believe he's the same god they don't think that they do think that they believe in jesus they just don't believe he's the son of god that's the that's the whole part of christianity that's the whole thing that's the new testament their old testament and the jews are old testament with a twist so like it's all it's all they're they're called abrahamic religions for a reason we all believe in the same god so if you're gonna go somewhere else we gotta talk about buddha or fucking uh what's that chick with all the titties and arms sure yeah go visit all of them but like but like at the same time like islam always looked hard from the outside i was always like whoa like they're doing how many times a day and i this just nine months like you could be you could be muslim for nine months you have that in you you serious

guy if you committed to something you'd be a great muslim in nine months you could be deep within the enemy's council in nine months are you are you saying you're gonna get religious just in case i'm saying that if i knew like death was imminently approaching me nine months from now, I would like desperately want to believe something was going to happen afterward, but it would be very tough to try and reconcile because, you know, belief isn't really a choice. You can't like force yourself and like strong arm it either do or you don't. And so you could, I don't know. I just, I'm trying to be honest with how scared I would be. Like I would be like turning to anything for sure. I would not be one of those guys.

He's like, whatever, bro. Life is life. There's no suffering after you go. I'm like, Oh my God. Yeah.

But those guys don't think it's over when it's over. Those guys think that we're all the same. And when you give me the scenario, what disease life, what's going to kill me in nine months? Exactly. Cancer. All right.

Pancreatic cancer. Good example. I picked something that you're not getting out because i might be dead in nine months but seven months from now i'm not gonna be feeling great six months from now i'm probably not feeling great so there's so it's very important for me right now not to find an imaginary friend in the sky or experiment with somebody else's imaginary friend either i gotta suck a dick yes so let's get crazy right because aids aids takes decades to chip away at you who cares about these dirty loads let's have some fun dude the last thing you do if religion's real the last thing you're going to be doing is sinning hard i'm gonna sin so goddamn hard and i'm gonna kill myself taylor i'm letting you know i'm gonna go so x if that ever happens

i'll kill you i'm killing my no you won't i'll take you over you'll be dead no that was a i was i was making sure that just in case it's real i get in trouble for murder here's what i want to do suicide here's here's how i kill myself though i go i go um parachuting and uh just at the end like have like a whole snafu and pretend like i i don't understand my parachute but the guy Here's how I kill myself, though. I go parachuting, and just at the end, have a whole snafu and pretend like I don't understand my parachute with the guy by the door, and then leave it behind. Like, nah, this one's no good. Hang on to this, and then jump out. Just to look back at his scared face.

This is too heavy. I chuckle the whole way. Oh, man, I'm not carrying this all the way. The last thing you do is ruin a Super Bowl halftime show. The absolute last thing you do is you kick Usher two feet to the sternum right off the stage. Everyone

gasps, and then you sweep into that sweet black night. If I could impact Usher with my body, I would. I would. Or you ruin Larry the Cable Guy's show again. Global news. If I fucking fall out of the sky and kill Usher. I wouldn't do it to Larry. He's paid his dues with injuries from-

I wouldn't take out Larry, no. But some other celebrity that I don't really care about so much, that would be a real way to immortalize yourself. You know, I might get into lighting fires. I will tell you, Kyleyle there is something to parachuting while you're jumping out of a plane and picking somebody's house you don't like and like crashing into their roof on fire like i'll light myself on fire right before i hit like gotta piss yourself at that point this a terrible missile dude my roof is shattered. It's on fire. I'm going to shit myself

in the room where they explain how the parachutes work 30 minutes before we get on the airplane just to make everyone else very uncomfortable. I just don't care at this point. You're an inconsiderate diver. You've got to bring a firearm film one last FPS Russia video on the way down.

Just take out five seconds. Take five seconds out of your day take out five seconds take five seconds every five seconds up in the plane you're like i gotta take it and then you're just like i got you guys i got you my fear my fear looks like you're like standing at the door like the winds when you're like ah ah everyone's so scared you could you could do a Coby thing. I'll take the whole pilot. Remember the Bill Burr joke where you just go for the helicopter tour and hop out?

You look up and you're left. And this guy just soars to his death. Yeah, I would want to make my death matter to me. I don't care what y'all fucking think i want to do something neat that i think is neat and i've always thought hey kids watch this there you go look they'll remember you to it remember when uh what's the the fucking the other guys movie where the rock and uh sam jackson are on the top of like a 15 story building he goes you thinking what i'm thinking and the rock goes aim for the bushes and they jump off a 15 storystory building. He goes, you thinking what I'm thinking? And The Rock goes, aim for the bushes!

And they jump off a 15-story building to their death. That's how the other guys begins. That's how they get Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell into those movies. By the way, what an underrated movie that is. They call it a soup kitchen, where a bunch of

homeless guys have an orgy in a car. Yeah. Terrible. Terrible terrible terrible dirty mike and the boys thanks i've seen thanks for letting us use your fuck wagon dirty mike and the boys yeah sorry about the stains great i think i think my biggest fear would be like you know there's an afterlife heaven you get there and they're like here's your sins and there's like a list of them uh and they're like i can't believe you sucked all those guys uh dicks we told you in the old book to not be so gay why would you do that uh and i can't believe you put drugs in your ass all the time and you lied and and actually we don't even care about any of that shit get in there get in there just get in there

start talking about shrimp and fucking pork out of nowhere they're like we're serving bacon right now get in there they start asking you what your clothes are made out of and it's like fucking multi-fabric it's like denim i don't it's like denim it was a prank we didn't think people would follow the rules for thousands of years my so i'm jewish right and i married a catholic girl and so we were trying to find a rabbi who would marry us and um we were at a christmas party right? And I was talking to this woman whose house it was. She was like, actually, there's a rabbi here. And I go, where? And she goes, he's actually kind of progressive.

And she's looking around. She goes, there he is. And I was like, the guy eating ham? And she was like, that's him. So I walk up to him and I go, hey, man. And he goes, hey, I'm Rabbi Brian. I go, hey, Rabbi Brian. Rabbi Brian.

And I go, is that ham? He goes, it is. Delicious, right? And I was like, yeah, you're my guy. You're my fucking guy. Is it harder to find a rabbi who will do it than like a Catholic priest who will do it? Or are they both like, no, you have to do our religion? Well, my wife knew a Catholic priest who will do it or are they both like no you need you have to do our religion well

my wife knew a catholic guy priest who would do it it was also hard because we were doing it on saturday before sundown so it was like a double whammy for this yeah for the we we called him the inappropriate rabbi because the next time we saw him he was dirty dancing with his catholic wife at a karaoke bar i'm like look at this fucking guy the fucking rabbi brian rabbi brian i like that the most jewish thing about rabbi brian is the scam he's running the most jewish thing about rabbi brian is he's not even jewish rabbi brian is redheaded just clearly irish catholic but he's not even Jewish. Rabbi Brian is redheaded, just clearly Irish Catholic, but he's unbelievably... He's a fucking freckle. He's very miserly.

We loved Rabbi Brian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was my kind of rabbi. We got married in New Orleans. He opened the wedding with, Shalom, y'all. And I was like, I love this guy. New Orleans is the best.

Like, that's, I mean, that's my favorite cuisine. Like, that's my favorite. Just the best. Like, that's, I mean, that's my favorite cuisine. Like, that's my favorite. Just the food. Like, I went to WrestleMania in New Orleans, and just every meal I had there, I was like, I always knew. I always knew this cuisine, and I always had it here and there, but I never had it here. Yeah.

And it was just, it was the best food. I mean, the place was very scary actually also thank you yeah but we're about to buckle up so so i i i've been there i used to drive to the west coast constantly to blow shit up and i have to go through new orleans and i'd make my stops there and fuck eh and fuck yeah hey kyle yeah yeah and oh, it's just such a sewer. It's such a sewer of a fucking city. The people there are such trash and the people who come there to

have fun are trashier than the trash residents there. They're like, you know what's fun? New Orleans. Anybody who says that is just... I was just there for WrestleMania and then I ate everything. The food's very good.

Did I mention we got married there and my wife is from Louisiana? She's from Bourbon Street. That's where she lives. The part that Kyle's talking about. Just every time I've gone, it's just piss in the streets and horse shit in the streets.

It's like medieval fucking times. There are harlots in the street and horse shit in the streets. It's like medieval fucking times. There are harlots in the street with their nasty titties out. There's dudes pissing everywhere in the streets. There's women pissing in the streets. There's horse shit that has turned to a different substance because it's mixed with beer and piss, and it's just smeared everywhere. And everybody's so goddamn poor that as soon as somebody starts throwing a little money around, everybody breaks out

and fights each other over ones. It's crazy. But those beignets, oh my god. They're really good. Cafe Dumont beignets are the best. Yeah. If you could get the people out of that city, it'd be great. Little fat donut.

Oh, fat little donut? A little fat donut. It's like tight. Yeah. They fry like biscuit dough and then they dust it with um powder powder yeah like uh like a churro style kind of i like it like that like cinnamon uh sugar yeah like mixture i like how they have the most well they and west virginians seem to have the most unique accents regionally as far as difficulty of understanding them to like. I'll use myself as an example. Being from St. Louis, I have a perfect Midwest accent.

Everyone can understand what I'm saying in this whole country. That's why all the newscasters are from the Midwest. Nothing voice. Nothing voice. A nothing voice. Totally forgettable. I don't know. It's a little pretentious and nasally.

Well, it was. Fuck you. totally forgettable i don't know it's a little pretentious and nasally well it was fuck you but yeah i really like the the unique corners of accents and it seems like new orleans and west virginia are the two most go back also like even even to french people like quebecers are like what the like xqc there's no xqc? Like just the way, that's the way they talk out here. That's. It's not attractive, sexy, or sophisticated to me. There's something about, there's an actress in a show,

a terrible show that I watch who's French Canadian, but they make no mention of it. But every now and then I hear her accent on some words. She's cleaned it up most of the way, but I'm just like, it's like when a Boston lady says says a thing it's just a gross fucking not a fan of that very attractive women though they got attractive women though of course you love it that that's where i'm from i'm from massachusetts like yeah sometimes the boston accent is so much that it's like you're trying to be bothersome. Like you're

being annoying. No one says that. Some New York accents I feel like that. I'm like, really? You're really from New York. Some people I'm like, nah, they're playing that up.

Some gay men I'm like, it's not that high, your voice. Everyone can fight back against the accent. Look at Kyle from the South. There you go. Speaks perfectly. Look at Josh from Boston. Sounds like a normal human, not even from Boston.

Yeah, that's true. Well, I'm Western Mass, so we don't really have too much of an accent on that side. If you did, would you be looked down upon? In Western Mass? Yeah, like the school you went to, if there was some kid there that sounded like fucking mikey mike well i don't think so and by the way that that you can even be in boston and not have that accent it's a sure that's a that's a low class accent it's low class boston accent yeah it's not low class but it is come on you know what it is.

Kyle, do you remember the person? We had someone in our Patreon with the thickest Boston accent ever. Do you remember? Months and months ago. When we started talking for the first time, I was just like, that's unreal. You've been sitting on that this whole time in this Discord?

Typing shit out with a voice like that? Yeah. I've been taking you seriously? I took your stock tips. What the fuck? I got to make a call. I feel like I would trust a Boston person with stocks. Those Northeasters, they know my name.

I love our hangouts because every now and then there'll be a real freak in there. And of course, nobody picks on anybody in there. In jokey ways, like fun stuff. But you'll see a real freak in there and of course nobody picks on anybody in there not in jokey ways like fun stuff but you'll see a freak right i don't even want to say what was wrong with this person because there's only one of them anyway and don't know the nobel i'll type it in here though so that we can privately mock the the wonderful fan that's that's what you want to do but yeah this fucking ghoul you know who you are yeah this fucking ghoul was in there and i don't like those either. He just typed it in.

You should have seen him. It was crazy. He was otherworldly. And I'm staring at him. And someone types to me, like another participant types to me. And they go, are you staring at the blankety blank? And I'm like, yes. I can't stop looking.

It's so upsetting to look at him and we said kyle it's called a black guy i actually didn't even i didn't even read what it was they're hard to look at oh yeah okay yeah i don't like that i've never i've never seen one of them I've never seen one of them if I were listening right now at home I'd be like I'm fucking DMing all of them

someone's gonna tell me what the fuck they're talking about all the Patreons will get to know I've never seen one I've only seen one midget Kyle claims this and I find that unbelievably hard to believe i've seen easily a dozen midgets in my life easily and in person i'd say uh yeah in person in person

i've walked by probably a dozen or so saw the one so the one that's it um how many have you seen me yeah i couldn't even put a number on it. He does shows. What are you fucking playing Baldur's Gate 3? Where are you seeing all these little people? Yeah, he's kicking off the front. He sees more people than us. There was one time I was in, it was either Bozeman or Billings or Butte, Montana, one of the Bs.

And there was a table filled with little folks right in the front row. And I started, man, I started about five minutes in, and then I was like, listen, I got to address the time. I mean, a table? And it was crazy. At one point after the show, I was sitting down at a table with some friends, It was crazy. At one point after the show, I was sitting down at a table with some friends.

And a dude walked over and kind of climbed up a chair, stood on the table, and walked across the table to me. I'm like, this isn't real life right now. Is this real life? Is this happening? And he just sat down in front of me. And I was like, we had a couple beers. But, yeah, I travel a lot, though, dude. I travel a lot, a lot. But be at least a hundred at least maybe maybe i got 30 because i may have walked by a table

and been like that's just a table of people and i'm not gonna think about this or remember this or look at it just a table no if i just a table of people i lay eyes on one yeah dude they love it when you go young master further they love that marietta brandy buck and peregrine Took they love that when you go up to talk to them you'd have less mobility Brad Williams

who's an incredibly funny comic you guys know Brad? I've seen him Brad talks about how he's pretty sure Dinklage is the king of the group that everybody kind of acknowledges that. And I was like, huh, I guess.

I mean, if you had to anoint one of the little people king, I guess, dang it. It used to be Mickey from Seinfeld, that guy. I felt like he was the one I knew the best. Oh, no, never mind. It's the one that's in all the fantasy stuff he's that did the star wars um he's the worst davis yeah that guy that guy does that super funny show with carl pilkington yeah that's a good i hate the parts where they put him in it

though i didn't know that they it's like those seasons i didn't know that they're doing a lean into being ridiculous you little fuck don't act like you're talented they're doing that snow white seven companions thing yeah dinklage was uh by the way dinklage i feel like if i were a little person i would be like changing my name to donklage like i'm not gonna be dinklage dinklage sounds like a little person you know i feel yeah peter donk. I think I'd switch it up. It plays in. I like it. I also bet that Dinklage, I mean, I don't know if it's true.

I wonder proportion dick-wise, because they're muscular dudes generally. I wonder if proportion dick-wise is what we're talking about. I bet it depends. Because Peter Dinklage is a dwarf, which means that his head is a normal-sized head. And his torso and everything else is smaller. And so I imagine he has a normal-sized penis. Yeah, Brad had a bit where he said that, like, six inches isn know, like six inches isn't a big dick at all, you know. But, like, it's an average-sized dick.

It's doing pretty good, but not really. It's not good. But, you know, he's like, my dick is six inches, and it hangs down to my knees. Like, I made a halfling in Baldur's Gate 3, and he's got a circumcised dick, and the dick's there. And I'm like, well, that's my cock, but it's on a halfling. Yeah.

It looks terrible on me. I've got a rock gnome. Shoulder proportions like a Dorito, like a V with his back. I bet my rock gnome lady would love your circum your circumcised halfling man well it's the only thing he does is like i don't even fight people i keep saying this is the star trek game i've always wanted because i just walk up to like uh goblin camps and i'm like circumcised dick out i'm like i'm just here to talk i'm just here to talk like i'm there alone you know i play the bongos by the fire at night this game's phenomenal

it's dungeons and dragons basically but in a video game yeah and the things you could do are you're like you're if you've never had such a sandbox with limitless options or things to do uh yeah it's uh it's pretty insane about uh peter dinklage that like snow white and the seven companions which is fucking retarded sounding like him coming out and saying like i can't believe they're still using dwarves in these sorts of roles and it's like like that's unbelievably shitty to do to other dwarf wait i thought he was he's already got game i thought he said that no i thought he was on the i thought he was like why didn't they do seven dwarves and cast seven dwarves why are they doing seven companions because they're doing like i think

that's what it is and and i thought and it was pretty interesting if if are you looking it up i'm looking taylor knows i'm always on a hot streak of being wrong. Yeah. He said, literally no offense to anything, but I was sort of taken aback, he said. They were very proud to cast a Latino actress as Snow White, but you're still telling me the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Take a step back and look at what you're doing here.

It makes no sense to me. You're progressive in one way, but you're still making that fucking backward story about seven dwarves living in a cave together. Have I done nothing to advance the cause from myself? They didn't live in the cave. I guess I'm not loud enough. They lived in the house. They worked in the cave. It was a mine, not a

cave. A mine. How about this? Not every dwarf is getting the same amount of work as you, Dinklage. That's what I was saying. I thought he was saying, why didn't they uh cast seven uh dwarves uh you got seven companions what about seven dwarves and i was like come on bro you the one guy in the last 20 years you're gonna act like there's six other

options out there you killed the game peter you killed it for everyone it's like hey i i'm pulling the ladder up after me i got famous for being a dwarf in all my roles on game of thrones and elf and being he's an angry elf and then this opens up for other dwarves who are less known because obviously you can't take peter dinklage and put him in a movie like that he's too famous he'd overshine all the rest of the cast of the dwarves and now it's like oh okay well i guess we're not gonna i guess six dwarves seven dwarves theyves, they don't get a job now. By the way, I mean, I'm sure that the other dwarves are sick of playing Leprechaun and Elf every year. Oh, that's what he was saying, actually.

He was like. But they would rather work than have no work. Yeah, yeah. That's like, that's why it's like. Those are the parts coming in. If you're a dwarf, you're going to get roles that are. Yeah, hey, buddy. Like, you jumped on Tyrrian pretty fucking fast yeah you jumped on that pretty fast with dragons and stuff but

yeah there's no problem there like that but it's interesting you can't like uh and i don't know like i mean you can but uh like if a show had uh i can't think of a show and i guess it it could be normal like i wouldn't care if the show was good but like if a show had a person who was a Siamese twin and it was not like and just wasn't it was just casually like you know

like a real one yeah well you can't cast not a real one well they did that there's no season of what was that movie with matt damian uh the one where he's on his knees gary oldman was on his knees attached oh i thought you know when gary oldman is on his knees that matt mcconaughey movie where he plays a little person gary oldman tiptoes you ever see that i'm gonna blow your mind right now there's a movie out there where gary oldman

acts alongside peter dinklage and gary oldman is on his knees with his shoes on his knees playing a little person the whole movie no that's a full movie that he went full dwarf face oh it's gary oldman he fucking killed it too i bet he acted so much better than peter dinklage that peter dinklage was there like you son of a bitch he looked peter dinklage looked 10 feet tall next to him the way gary oldman that's when did he flip the switch gary oldman went down to his i bet it was just like the name of that movie tippy toes or tiptoes tiptoes name for the movie too that's terrible shit yeah it's about pull up the trailer guys and check it out if you're listening at home

his arm is so long their arms are never that long his arm is too little that's not the shape of the head yo the arm the arm is look at that the arm is blowing my mind the length of his arms are it's blowing my mind because what's crazy is gary's acting like his arms are short that's why he's got the jacket in because he's acting like his arms are short also yeah he's a creature what year is this yeah a year where they really had to block it out immediately uh like it couldn't exist because everyone's careers. Holy shit. Yeah, it's a.

He's got like puppet legs. Yeah, he's in a couch. He's standing. No, he's standing in a couch right now. And those are fake legs popping. And half his body's in the couch. Tim Conway used to do that character, Dorf. Do you guys, any of you remember that?

Dorf, no. His whole character was, he was on his knees, and they had put shoes on his knees, basically. But it was a comedy sketch. It wasn't an actual. Oh, this is a real movie. They were dead serious about it. They were dead serious about it.

Serious. He's there acting the whole time. I'm watching that 100%. Of course, because you just have to watch every scene that Peter Dinklage is in it. And also very offended that he didn't get the lead. He's probably like, look at this. Fuck. This is ridiculous. Peter Dinklage can say what he want.

He did that 15 years ago. And he's like, now i get to say something fuck tiptoes i'm blown away that i've never seen that movie before yeah never heard of job someone did their job really well in making sure we didn't good job yeah to

find a movie kyle hasn't heard of is unbelievable did not know that existed um well it's not a good one like that with gary oldman he's a real deal actor man that's gotta be discouraging to like go out for a dwarf role as Peter Dinklage in 2003 I think that's like around the same time as Elf maybe a bit after Elf

so he had some success and be like I'm the only dwarf here and there's only two no worse it was all dwarves this is great and then you get beat out by a normal size guy with like fucking Adidas taped to his

kneecaps it's all it was all little people in that room looking at their scripts waiting to be called in and then Gary Oldman walks and he's like so pussies you didn't see what I did with Dracula you don't think i could be a little person gary oldman went straight method acting he walked into that audition on his knees i'll get that reverse chinese leg lengthening. I'll have my leg shortened.

I can't wait to watch that. I'm going to get so high. You're going to have such a bad night? Love it. You're going to have such a bad night. Look at this. That's a real one. He's a real dwarf. You can tell because I've seen him stand. I have his forehead.

This is terrible. Oh my God god this is amazing by the way he's got in a legit riding a motorcycle he can't even reach the kate beckinsale's in that yeah and i mean that's patricia arquette kate beckinsale's only done movies imagine imagine you made this movie everybody thinks of her as a movie star it's because her husband made a whole bunch of movies and put her in it yeah imagine you made this movie and you did it you did all this and it was like and and gary oldman was like i'm gonna do the knee thing and you're like all right yeah

it's gary oldman and then like you kind of knew it was a bad idea but you you're like man we got all these stars like they're not gonna there's the movies it's gonna be and the movie's dead on arrival i think it's very funny because uh right now and i don't this doesn't bother me at all but fuck the whole thing is so funny that like bradley cooper went to uh be in this movie based on a real jewish person and and he's not jewish and that's fine i don't give a shit you know anyone denzel could fucking kill the role as rabbi brian i promise you that but bradley cooper he went to act as if he were everyday playing a jew and put on a prosthetic nose and what's funny about that is like the guy said he's based on like he's got like a nose but

like bradley cooper already has a nose but he still put on a jewish nose for this movie and it's so i'm gonna watch it movie looks like it'll be fucking sick and i don't care i'm not i think it's hilarious that he went to work every single day and put on a Junos, not even because like, but like you must've known that people were gonna, some, we know how it is. We know how they are. We know the future of the left.

But no, realistically, you know, if you're putting on a Junos, someone's gonna say something. Let me ask you something, Harley. Let me ask you if people ever say this to you. Oh, my. It's sharp. That's sharper.

That's sharper nose than the guy. The real guy's got. This is going to sound offensive, but I'm Jewish. I don't care. The real guy's got a touch more of a hook happening. Yeah, exactly. No, the fake nose is too pointy. I will say, though, Bradley Cooper jewed it up for this.

As a Jew, he definitely – he jewed it up. He put on a Jew nose. I wouldn't even do that. If I was a Jew and they're like, put on a nose, I'd be like, come on, really? I would. Harley, has anyone ever said to you – because people say this to you all people say this it wouldn't offend me at all i put it on has anyone ever said to you oh you don't look jewish yeah and and i know what they're saying they're saying you don't have a giant nose is basically what i i don't look like woody allen i have i do have a

small nose just compared to my my my head and size and everything and like would you close your eyes picture a Jew nose open your eyes mine is smaller than that but I've hung around people and uh they didn't know I was Jewish and like they didn't know my name or something and then it came out like later or whatever but what I always thought and and it doesn't sound bad but like if someone's like close your eyes picture a jew not just the nose but you're not picturing uh you know what looking powerful uh you're not like you're picturing uh like uh you're picturing something straight out of baldur's gate three character creation screen Somebody's face who looks like a melted candle.

Zach. You guys only picture... I have friends that look like that. It's the only people you picture. I picture John Lovitz character and the critic. Yeah. Zach, show us that. John Lovitz.

Is John Lovitz Jewish? Lovitz. That's very Jewish. Very, very Jewish. He's the one in the Seinfeld episode who lied about having cancer so that Jerry would pay for his fake hair. Yeah, he's hilarious. He's talking about blue score now. Yeah. But Seinfeld is a different form of Jewy, but also Jewy.

That's what I think of. I think of that picture of this gentleman here. Yeah. I can hear him saying it stinks it stinks so you you guys when you close your eyes harley you you have such a bad image of jews that you picture like an elderly one like an elderly no no not even here this is actually a great picture uh i think back to mel gibson's the passion um no i think of uh i i think of todd phillips i think of todd phillips that shows up that's like i'm here for the gangbang yeah yeah that's what i exactly that's what i picture uh like like a jewish person also

that's from um old school i think of very hairy arms that's part of my identity my identification yeah i've known a lot of jews who have very hairy arms and i have like italians in my family and so i'm used to hairy arms but i'm like yeah that guy's pretty fucking hairy yeah thank you that's that's what i picture as a jew look at his necklace his necklace yeah um so like i i have like lighter coloring uh like you know just being an ashkenazi jew i i think like you know i i just think of like the dark curly hair uh you know like hunch there's a hunch there is some uh the physiognomy sneaking up on me when you press C in Baldur's Gate that's a good ass topic Arlie

I thought both of you were here Jews are good athletes until they're like 10 years old and then they get separated from the pack but up until about 10 or 11 you're like that Jew can play some basketball. Every time. Yeah.

There's always a five-foot-three Jew at the basketball courts killing it. And the craziest thing is he's still there. If he didn't tear his ACL like 90% of Jewish guys do when they're in their late 20s, he's still at the synagogue playing basketball, and he's still much better than everyone else around him still saying she like could have gone pro yeah i didn't know five more inches one of my buddies who was jewish this is a few years ago like i didn't we were talking about hockey and like somehow the topic of like jewish professional hockey players came up like i'd never given that a second of thought in my life and like instantly he was like like named two guys like like steve morenstein and joey jewish

you've thought about this enough that like you looked up like there have to be some jews that played in the nhl that's not a a very Jewish. We know professional athletes. That's because there aren't that many of them. I'm not a sports guy at all. Like, literally, not at all. So I don't have any Jewish athletes. And if someone came up to me and said, name me a professional Jewish athlete,

I'd be like, Sandy Koufax. There you go. That's the top of the list, dude. But that's because he was Jewish before he was an athlete. No, there's got to be more than Sandy Koufax. That's the only one I can name.

Gabe Kapler. I got a bunch of them. Two. That's hilarious. Who is the best Jewish athlete of all time? Koufax is undeniably the greatest Jewish athlete of all time. And not only is the best Jewish athlete of all time? Koufax is undeniably the greatest Jewish athlete of all time. And not only is the best Jewish athlete, he's the best baseball player amongst all of them.

It's like him and then King David. No athletes in between. Jake Curran, the Seattle Seahawks offensive tackle. Jewish, by the way. Just learned that. There was a guy named Sean Green who played for the Dodgers and the Brewers. Gabe Kapler, who still is the – I think he coaches the – I forget who he's coaching right now.

Kevin Euclid. Who are the other baseball players? More baseball players. Not a lot of Jewish basketball players. I can't think of any fighters off the top of my head in mixed martial arts or anything. There's a guy named Zach Hyman in the NHL. He's a real white trash.

He's actually very good. Yeah. Well, I mean... Yeah, there's plenty of representation. It's just like when you're making your RPG characters, you can't be good at everything. That's true. You have to prioritize things. Your deception is off the charts.

Who cares if your fucking dexterity skill got nerfed a little? Everything's into charisma for them. It's all about writing tight jokes, a tight five. They're like, hey, all you idiots stay back. I'm going to go convince this goblin horde.

I've got a tight three minute bit that's going to sell them on why we should be able to get through their goblin pass. This is why this is why I don't excel because I'm an actual bad Jewish cross build. Like, I just got some points and some things. It's like, oh, I get if you built this, but why did you make them so big? That's not going to that's not going to be useful. that's how i end up getting punched out in a boxing ring hey listen harley you want you want to hear my theory on why there aren't a lot of huge jews yes because when we were walking across the desert for 40 years the tall jews gave the little jews shade and one by the one they just started dropping off and the only ones who made it

were the ones who were getting shade from the big dudes so by the time we got there was every year and then also like uh being able to fit in the floorboards could have helped too that's right that's right only the family's small enough to hide in the floors are going to make it. I'm like out there. I'm like, I was like 5'10 in the fourth grade. My family's like, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. You would have survived the Holocaust.

We would have. No, that's. Yeah, I would have been like, it's him. He used to go to my synagogue. Let's get him. I would have been like, have you ever seen a Jew this tall? I rest my case. And they're like. Guess who's not fitting in the attic.

Six. That would be my case. If you're Harley during the Holocaust, you're like, have you ever seen a Jew this big, sir? I don't think so. Now let me get back to shoveling.

They good Aryan. Hey, for a white hair dye from Hitler looking at you like, okay. Yeah. Like just, just you'd be launched it out and he would have, good Aryan hay for white horses. You're a bottle of hair dye from Hitler looking at you like, okay, yeah. Like, just blunt it out and he would have been fine. You're clearly part of the master race one way or another. Like, I feel like they'd want you around. That was the thing.

All the main Nazis, none of them look like the fucking Aryan master race. They all look like, I don't know, greasy. They look fucking snake. They all look like, I don't know, greasy. They look like fucking Snake. They all look like Snake from Harry Potter. Like greasy black hair. Kind of like, I don't know, 5 out of 10 looking dudes. Well, there's nothing wrong with greasy black haired 5 out of 10 dudes, by the way.

Well, you know, okay. Some people are catching some strays. I don't know. You don't like Hitler, though hitler was not a good looking man he was gerbils was hideous they all look like fucking losers sure i don't know but i don't think it really mattered back then i think everybody was a lot shorter i think yeah i think i would have been a giant at 510 i would have been at least bigger right now i'm i mean my son's six three and a half or six three and he's

half asian half jewish which is two negatives two negatives made a positive somehow i'm not sure how we got to be that tall but yeah elaboration yeah i'm jewish i'm like i'm looking for an abber i'm like i'm trying to make a winner out here I see how the pieces are being laid out on the board and you know that I think a Jewish Asian like is pretty good the two highest IQ groups in the world how could it work I don't know

should we try it find a really tall Jew or no a really tall Asian the same way you know Yao Ming's like him and his wife were hooked up by the Chinese government because they wanted to just like make a good basketball Is that true? Yeah, they like introduced like two giant people and they

had, I'm sorry, not Yao Ming Yao Ming is the product of that Jackie Chan, they did that Jackie Chan, they found two funny people made them make a child, that's where Jackie Chan came from they had a whole program in China Is this real? Yes That's where Jackie Chan came from. They have a whole program in China.

Is this real? Yes. They made Jackie Chan. He is a, it goes back to the Cold War. The Soviets and the Chinese, when they first started working together, yeah, they created Jackie Chan in a lab to be the funniest Asian that science could create. And they failed because there's funnier Asians than him. Yeah. They never taught him English effectively. That was the main drawback of Program Osiris.

Name one. The old Bobby Lee appearances on Opie and Anthony are the most outrageous things in the world. Watch the episode with him and Bobo. That's a good one. He spits on Bobo's penis. Bobo's a retarded man. Let me tell you something.

Bobby. It's too much. It is too much. Bobby Lee went into that and ONA is like, we're this crazy show. And Bobby Lee's like, oh, really? You're crazy? And Bobby is like an actual loon. You're telling me he spit on a retarded man's penis during the show?

In the studio? He was pretty wild. Yeah, Bobby Lee was a madman on the O and F show. Your fans would love that. If you did that for your Patreon, they'd love that. I got that for free. We'll get Bobo on the line. Talk to him. Shit for free.

Any retard pulls his dick out in front of me, I'm spitting on it. Oh, isn't that right, Drifter? God. Absolutely correct. How's it going, everybody? Welcome, welcome, welcome. I couldn't resist the temptation to do something stupid. No, you really couldn't pick between scary and funny, could you? No, we tried to go for both.

We even added the little sad tear over here, I think it is. Yeah, you fucking nailed it. Josh, you okay there? I was not expecting that at all. I wasn't expecting this either. Chiz told me that this was the clown episode and that you would all be dressed as clowns,

and yet here I am. Did he say that? that no actually uh my wife was doing a whole bunch of cosplay stuff and like experimental makeup and i got this message like hey we need you for pka really fast and i'm like looking at the makeup we need you for pka and i thought oh my god this is the perfect opportunity for me to be my real self so i decided to join as most of you see me as a professional clown. Thought it would lighten the mood a little bit. That's pretty brave of you to come out as clown. There's nothing more dangerous to come out as

than a clown in the world. It's true. Because there's no empathy. You'll certainly not find clown empathy here. No. And this is a particularly frightening clown. No, come on. I thought I was kind of like friendly maybe.

You have like a, you've murdered someone tear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you just got out of the clink. Yeah. A lot of way more gums than I could ever be comfortable with. It's real scary. The headset matching and being white is such a nice touch that it's –

I'm glad you said it. And then, of course, you lying in bed with your medical condition, which is always just a real – Oh, yeah. Yeah. What is happening? I have problems, lots of them, and sitting up for a long time is kind of hard. So a friend of mine helped me build this bed rig it's just a simple computer monitor here you can see the snake cable goes

a couple of cameras that i can lay here and game and stream and just sort of do whatever obf virtual camp so we can hop back do you want drifter tonight just in case? I think Josh has to duck out early. And I was like, absolutely. Every time Drifter comes on, it's demons and fucking mystery medical shit. It's always fun stuff. So, Josh. Guys, I'm going to tap out on the clown.

Perfect. Look what you did. I scared him off. I have to catch a plane tonight. always a fucking straight up blast harley good reconnecting with you hell yeah man you too um thanks as usual for having me on guys always a good time of course where can uh you want to push everybody somewhere with the links in the description yeah man honestly um the podcast that i'm doing with my son is maybe my favorite thing I've ever done. And it's a really cool dynamic that the two of us have.

We talk about just about everything. And so it's called Hey Man with three A's because he told me that's how I say it. Hey, man. Hey, man, you can get your podcast and comedianjoshwolf.com for tour dates. I want to tell you guys something. Your listeners show up to my fucking shows. They show up to my

shows and they always say something to me. So, fuck yeah, guys. Always great. Thank you so much for being here. I'm going to have to go smoke that clown out of my brain. Good luck. All right, guys. Thank you. Take care.

Bye. Damn, that is so fucking funny I love the clown thing it's so funny to me because the more I look at it it's so high effort the lines are so crisp like there's no like silly joke about it well it is a silly joke but like

you didn't laze out like it's you're gonna have to give all the compliments to my lovely wife at jwo designs on twitter she's a professional cosplayer i just laid in bed for 30 minutes and just let her do this she was like oh i got this new blue and we're gonna do this layering and all this kind of stuff and i'm a sucker for attention so i just laid around and let her clown me up so that uh the quality of this is entirely on her and not me mine would look more like uh somebody fell into a spirit halloween if i tried to do it myself i'm none of us could do it either so you don't have no you really take for granted like a nice

fine line being done on someone's face it's so hard to do i did my clown makeup that time and it did not look like that i think that really good. I like the wig too. It doesn't look cheap to me. It's very cheap. You look like Sean O'Malley. Thank you. I'll take that compliment. You won't get that reference.

I don't know who that is. I bet he's a UFC fighter. I'm still so mad about you not having seen Rocky. Like... Yeah, there you go. That was good. I liked that. I liked that episode because you were just ripping darts the whole time.

Smoking continuously the whole episode. It's the bit. It's the costume. Yeah, it's the bit. Did you really... During that episode, you finished the pack after the episode. Oh, I finished that pack. The idea of throwing away a pack

of cigarettes to someone who used to smoke half a pack a day every day for like 15 years or something, that wasn't happening. I smoked the rest of them cigarettes. Good. And if I'm out drinking with somebody, I'll always... You were going to say you hated something that he...

Is that what you were going to say? You were going to say... No, I was going to say we weren't going to say you hated something. You were going to say you hated something that he... Is that what you were going to say? You were going to say something. No, I was going to say we weren't going to get something. Oh, yeah, I hate that Taylor hasn't watched so many classic movies, but we're going to fix that. We're going to fix that. There's a lot of... I'll get around to it.

There's so many good shows to re-watch over and over and over, though though i'm watching a shitty show i'm watching a shitty show on i think it's on apple tv it's got idris elba in it who if you don't know it's like a six foot four athletic black man and the the story is that his flight gets hijacked and he starts working with the hijackers because he thinks that that is a better that that's the most likely way that they'll get home safely and i'm so tired of him i hate it i hate it i i can't find a new show to watch and i've been trying to watch this and i fucking hate it the whole idea is so god damn stupid i got one for you i started it just the

other day i talked to harley about it before I did Harley's podcast. Binge Eater podcast coming soon with me on it. Bunch of fun there. This show is called Billions. It's got Paul Giamatti and Lieutenant Winters. I don't know what that actor's name is, but the redhead guy from Band of Brothers. I like him.

And it's like genuinely good. I started watching it. It must have been seven years ago now because I remember stopping it at like episode four or whatever and being like, well, I'm not going to pay for showtime for however long this show stays out. But now it's seven seasons in. And Paul Giamatti is fucking incredible. Lieutenant Winters is great. It's really interesting. I'm only like I'm not even a full season through.

But, you know, McManus from Oz. Yes. The guy who's in charge of Emerald City. The guy who's like, oh, my experiment. And it's not not even a fucking experiment. He just puts people in a cell with glass instead of bars. And he's like he is Lieutenant Winter's fixer in this show. Lieutenant Winters is like the he owns this giant capital firm billionaire all playing fast and loose with the rules and every time something gets real serious he talks to that actor mcmanus in like a dark alleyway and he has him do his dirty work and so in like i think it's like the

first fucking episode of the show he has mcmanus go to this fbi agent's house and steal like a tape of her doing cocaine on another naked woman's body and he's just like sitting in this fbi agent's house and steal like a tape of her doing cocaine on another naked woman's body. And he's just like sitting in this FBI agent's home, watching it on her TV, McManus's. And the woman, the FBI agent comes in and is like, you think you're going to threaten me with this? We have training for this black male. What you think you're going to get me because I'm a lesbian? And he's like, no, but you do cocaine here and here and here how do you think that's gonna play so you answer to us now and then the woman was like you sick fuck you're just sitting here getting off on this and then the mcmanus is like sweetheart when i get off to

turn your stomach and then same episode maybe 10 minutes later it like shows the mcmanus guy in like a bathhouse like clearly just finished fucking and it's a midget like a midget woman and i was like laughing because it was presented as though he was like into blood and gore killing and like oh my god the things this guy gets off to would boil your blood and it's just him like he's in the door 95% of people would be like I'd do it

just for the overall experience of the situation another fun show I could recommend I don't know if you care for animation I've really enjoyed the Harley Quinn show on HBO Max. It had no right being that good. It had no right being that good. I did not expect that show to be an incredibly funny and entertaining and well-written show.

I thought it was going to be like a cartoon. I put it on for no reason. And halfway through the first episode, I was like, this is very good. And then I binged it all entirely. Great, great recommendation. Same experience here. I tuned in expecting it to be kind of like Velma, like very cringy. And I was watching.

I was like, this is actually kind of good, question mark. And then I watched all of it. Also, a similar vibe, teenage euthanasia on Adult Swim. I've been enjoying quite a lot. I've heard of that. It's about a teenage girl who lives in a funeral home in a near future post-apocalyptic florida uh and it is glorious it's like florida 20 years from now it's you know the adult swim standard same kind of vibe as harley quinn very silly very ridiculous uh fantastical but i love it

i did notice on the harley quinn thing i haven't watched it but the thumbnail or whatever that is Harley Quinn and maybe Poison Ivy riding a giant penis shaped ship that's the first thing I saw and I was like I bet everyone noticed this and I quickly googled Harley Quinn penis and it's just like fans react to Harley Quinn riding giant penis in pictures

okay yeah everybody else noticed I mean all rockets kind of look phallic this one is a big... We made them that way, right, boys? Yeah, yeah. We did. The curly hair on the bottom of it was for aerodynamic purposes. Turns out

pussies aren't very aerodynamic at all. It just wouldn't work. They did have a huge pussy that they walked through made out of ice in the second season. It was about two stories tall. Wow. Context, Mr. Freeze. It's Batman Universe, and the freeze ray made a giant

entrance to his house was like a two-story pussy they just walked through. Okay. I wouldn't want that on my house. I wouldn't want that in any place. No, I think that was gaudy. I washed my dick after sex. You think I think that was gaudy. I washed my dick after sex. You think I'm going to get in there?

I'm not climbing in. Got to set up a forward base camp. In the pussy. Bob. Harley, how much Baldur's Gate have you played? It's a crazy, crazy amount. It's not even how much I've played. It's Gate have you played? Don't lie. It's a crazy, crazy amount. And it's not even like how much I've played. It's how I've played.

Listen, I played Mass Effect, my favorite series. I've played through it so many times. And there's something wrong with me. I cannot play a FemShep. I cannot. And people say Female Shepard. What does that mean? The Female Shepard. Same game. It's

like incredible way to experience it just like i'm just something something pathetic about me um and uh playing uh lots of games i never really sway from the type of character that i make it's either i'm like this is me or i'm like this is a guy i would fuck and like whenever i create the guy it's like my ideal guy or my ideal me something in some weird way you know i mean i'm just reading deeper i'm like this is a cool mustache but low-key i'm probably like i would this guy um but so i make and then this was the first time where i was just like let's get silly let's get silly like lowest possible strength lowest possible uh like things that just aren't relevant um so i he's a bard only bard no subclass halfling uh luck persuasion

his his proficiencies are acrobatics and performance. And all I do is play the bongos with my dick out. And people love it. Correct. That's what a halfling would be doing in those days. Since you're a halfling, I go up to work. Donkey Konga bongos, like the little Donkey Konga ones, and you just slap them with your dick. Bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk.

I bet there's a lot for that. Yeah, and I persuade others. I'm like, come slap your dick bonk bonk bonk bonk i bet there's a yeah and i persuade others i'm like come slap your dick on my bongos everybody and they listen are you is your character doing well with that approach or are you hitting yeah i walked like there was like three um uh uh orcs like uh gigantic ogres like eating and they came by and they're like tasty little meal and i just like basically in in in four sentences they left and they gave me a horn to blow whenever i want to kill whoever i want and they were like you gotta pay us though and i was like no i don't and then i started playing the bongos naked and they're like you gotta pay us though and i was like no i don't and then i started playing the bongos naked and they're like i like this guy hit us up whenever dude whenever you want to chill

whenever i go to a camp i literally split my halfling from everyone else they hide in the bushes and i'm like hey you guys are killing the vibe and i walk up naked like what up what up who's the boss and i talk to animals so like the fucking things come like and i'm like talking to them like how you doing and they're like yo you speak animal i'm like i speak to dead guys i'm like you get up and he's like ask me five questions like the dnd movie yeah i have that spell in the dnd movie you could ask you go up to dead bodies and ask them five questions yeah it's really great i watched the dnd movie last night uh for the second time and i liked it so much more because i had played boulder's gate um i've actually done the exact same thing you've done i always play like sexy elf lady or um that's it i

always play sexy elf lady he does he's like a who's a stealth archer like every fucking time that's my character uh but this time i'm like a fucking i don't know a rock gnome or some shit uh it's it's pretty silly i've loved valder's gate so so much every time i play it i play it for longer periods of time i started out really not liking the turn-based shit and it's grown on me so much i really like it and like you said earlier they don't limit you on what you can do like for example there's this part where you've got to get do a whole puzzle and a bunch of silly shit that i couldn't quite figure out to get behind some shields to flip a switch and i've been working on it for like five ten minutes or something i died a few times and i was like wait a minute can i just use that

spell that teleports me anywhere i want to go it's like yeah of course you can in any other video game they would disable that spell it's like oh yeah the spell of fucking apparition doesn't work in the chamber of ghouls though oh yeah skip that whole puzzle you're a wizard you don't do puzzles i had a situation like that there was a book behind uh bars like a door and there was a trap in front of the door and i i summoned uh the hand because my sorcerer did and the hand i summoned it in that room and the hand was able to pick up the book and aim it to shoot through the bars of the door and it wasn't just like this is a door block and the whole thing is like a hit box and it's not going through it like went through it and like landed at his feet and also i didn't

know you could do this but like i was in a fight at one point and like my halfling like my my barbarian needs help i like grabbed the the potion and like threw it at him and like it hit him and uh and he got healed that was funny was like i tried that again on my halfling when i was using like my uh like my my fighter girl there and she picked up the potion and like threw it and i guess it like it always rolls in the background it didn't break it hit me in the face i got seven damage then fell to the floor and i got eight health and i was like okay i guess one hp but it's just like the little failures like the failures make the game like when i walk up dick out and i'm like no you bitches are gonna work for me because that's how it is and then

it rolls and it's like two and then i'm like and then now my guys are running out of the bushes to come fight because i didn't have like i just crit failed like yeah something that i i just stuttered like one time one time in a dungeon there's like and this is like not a thing you could do in games like it's crazy there was these three coffins and like the the cleric character who's like religious she was like walking up and like she had like a perception pass and she was like something's not right about this this and there was three coffins there and like i was like oh so there's like i guess undead are gonna come out and i was like i could light the coffins on fire like and i was like well and i grabbed because i grabbed i chose my uh barbarian girl like the the fighter girl and i i just directed

her to run over pick up the coffin and throw it over the ledge and like that's sick like the bad guy's in it and it's supposed to surprise you and she went any other game picked it up and it'd be cut scene yeah you could throw it anywhere i could have thrown it into the other and she threw it off the cliff and the guy's just like dead he's gone whatever items he had i also lose forever but that's gone and then the two other guys like pop out and also like once again improvised melee weapons there's things everywhere and like with this girl like i love doing shit like this as someone like a skeleton's like you can pick them up and smash the other skeleton with them granted that you're small enough like someone like my bar my

bard isn't shit my little halfling like i just grab someone take them and throw me like you just throw people around oh yeah you weigh less so you'd be way less bigger stronger characters can toss you um there's spells in the game where you can uh enlarge or shrink a thing and you might think ah but they made that so that doesn't interact with other things that enlarge or shrink a thing and you might think ah but they made that so that doesn't interact with other things that enlarge or shrink things no limit so you can get your your druid to turn into an owlbear and then he drinks the potion that makes him huge and then your wizard goes not big enough boom and you're colossal you're colossal so did you get that i wanted to get that spell like it makes you physically bigger enlarge yeah okay because i've been thinking about the concerts i could put on as my halfling bard if i'm like huge you can make it even my character is a rock gnome so she's the same

size as your your halfling guy but so i use the spell to shrink her even tinier so now she's just thumbelina leaning the leading the crew along and she can go down into cracks in the rock where only the Mage Hand can usually go. And the game just allows this. It's not invisible walls and barriers and shenanigans. It allows it so well that other game developers went on Twitter, and they're like, guys, we love Baldur's Gate. It's great.

Don't just set your expectations for this to be the bar of triple a games because that's not realistic this game is is crazy and like i understand in a way because it's like well this game had like 400 people four years like a huge ip which they have to pay to use but still um and like four years of early access yeah and having said that it's also like yeah it's true but some of those games do make a lot of money and spend a lot of money to make them and you know there's my gut you forgot there there's no micro transactions they're not bilking you for anything you could buy a cape not that someone would do that would they you don't just get the cape harley you get the special dye as well. It could be blue or orange. Come on.

Look, when I bought that cape, I had not... When I bought that cape, I had not... I also got the digital soundtrack. There's no way that's on YouTube. Yeah, for free. But it's fine to support the developers because they made a whole ass game that you can play single

player. It's not a live service without microtransactions and crap like that. And it's higher quality than the other games. Yeah, oh, you can play single player. It's not a live service without microtransactions and crap like that, and it's higher quality than the other games. I'm almost positive it works fine offline because I was playing during a thunderstorm and if I've been playing most of maybe every other game that I play

the power had gone out, or not the power, but what happened was the power flashed off, which means that the internet gets knocked out and has to go through that whole reboot process. But I didn't lose my devices. And any other game, I would have had to stop and wait 10 minutes for the thing to reboot. But it just keeps playing.

And then the cloud updates whenever it gets bandwidth back again. I haven't played a game where I gave a shit about the story or the dialogue maybe ever. Maybe since Dead Space 1 or 2, like 15 years ago or something. But I'm reading all the dialogue and following the story along. I'm really wanting Shadowheart to figure out her whole nonsense. And I'm really enjoying the fucking game.

and uh i'm i'm really enjoying the fucking game it's it's the best it's the most fun i've had playing a single player game that i can remember right now and it's so deep and it's clearly got so much replayability i i had to go and just re-roll just to see the intro and i re-rolled the uh as a half uh orc like just full strength no intelligence or perception like i step on every trap and like get angry and stronger and uh i i i played through it and it's just like crazy that like how what i could do like i'm seeing like my best friends who i've been venturing with the halfling like one of them is a mage his hand is sticking out of the portal and he's like help me please my orc slapped his hand away and he's like i will perish in here and it the portal and he's like help me please my orc slapped his hand away and he's like i will perish in here and it closes up and he's dead and i'm like i love that guy in

my playthrough gail's dead now this mutant playthrough that i'm doing right now is like fucked like one of them also like tried to something happened i don't want to spoil but something happened in the middle of the night and he was like let me explain and i'm like no and i just killed them and everyone woke up and they're like story and killed that let me explain and i'm like no and i just killed them everyone woke up and they're like that guy that's what i'm talking about but i didn't want to spoil anything but yeah yeah that's uh i was like the guy we killed right at the start uh no no no he's one of your we did kill a a follower you can play in a party with friends right like you can queue up my experience with that is it's difficult because if you leave the party then you're no longer synced with on the same um missions and

story and we're all at different levels i think now uh i don't know if you know i've got a campaign going right now where i'm an act too i don't know if taylor could jump in with me even though he hasn't done the prerequisites for a lot of the things that I'm doing right now. Whereas I'll give Diablo some credit and Diablo, you could absolutely do that. I can be in the middle of a, a mission and Taylor can hop on,

join me. And he hasn't done the part where he found the book, but we're doing the part where we burn the book and he can just join in and do the whole fucking thing. But, uh, so I don't know about the multiplayer ability in this, but I just play by myself and love it so much.

And if you don't burn the book, you get the spell to talk to the dead people from the Dungeons & Dragons movie. I haven't gotten there yet to deal with that book yet. I've got that in my inventory. That comes later. We've got bigger fish to fry. Yeah, I also came across something me lets me talk to the dead so i'm like

i'm gonna fucking burn this book but i think i might be i was gonna say i think i might be further along or maybe just because i'm a warlock that i've got some abilities that um but but i'm an act two and i've got those as bound spells now so i can talk to the dead and stuff anytime for kind of free i'm like it's interesting the game is uh it's it's like diablo is like almost mathematical like on a grid and and this one's like more of a sandbox like diablo's like it's like on rails it's like mathematical in a way the way that it happens and the timing you can't do certain things before whatever this game's kind of like i don't know how you got in this room here but keep going buddy sure i like things like that those are

the best kind of games agreed mechanics are what carries the game have you played balder's gate drifter unfortunately i have not not because of my many problems. It's kind of challenging to game. I do play team fight tactics because I only have to click twice about every 30 seconds. But no Baldur's Gate. I have had a lot of people recommend it to me. A lot of people. It looks great.

On the topic of Dungeons & Dragons type things, I do watch Critical Role and Dimension 20. And I enjoy some of the Dungeons & Dragons improv content out there. I think that's fantastic. Biggest channel on Twitch. Most subs got their own Prime show and everything. Absolutely killing it. So I do watch that with my wife. It's kind of fun.

It's like, I feel like it's like reinventing the old radio drama. I don't know if you guys were around. It was like the Christian family radio. They'd have these hour-long dramas. And even before that, if you you had grandparents that might have played some it's the exact same thing except uh professional voice actors and improv actors and they do dnd so they like really get into it and really act it out and it's something that it's long it's like four hours but you can kind of have it on in the background and you don't have to necessarily

watch as long as you can hear it you can keep up with the story and i've thoroughly enjoyed it i never thought i would i never thought i would get into it i had a lot of very negative stereotypes against dnd is the only time i had ever seen it was it's satanic or it's all the dorks are doing it you know and it's uh something you know you'd watch these old movies and the the mentally unstable kid would be playing dnd and then go kill people. And I just thought, okay, this is a game for people that have serious emotional problems. And it's not. No, it's not. I feel ashamed, but that's what the media made it look like.

But you're right about, like, it was definitely poisoning as a young person to, like, see the people who were playing D&D and being like, oh, so it would be social suicide at school to go play that game with them i think i'm going to keep playing cod 4 with my friends on xbox see you later guys i'm going to band with the cool kids yeah i didn't know i didn't know what i was dealing with with it did you do it dungeons dragons as a kid yeah no a kid? Yeah. No, I didn't know. I played way nerdier stuff, like certain board games or whatever. I just didn't know what Dungeons and Dragons was, and no one was into it that I knew.

And then when I figured it out, I was like, oh, this is so sick. And then ended up playing it a bunch of times. And yeah, it's just fun. It's just you can do whatever you want. This game makes, I mean, it's D&D the fun it's just you could do whatever you want this game this game makes uh i mean it's dnd the game i want to play real dnd you need to find a dungeon master and we can all make characters and all right easy to do there's so many online programs like there's like four or five different big robust programs and professional dms and i can dress up oh absolutely 100 i'm basically already playing spells,

a spell jammer. They just added space clowns, super powerful murder machines, but they can't do any stealth whatsoever because their shoes always squeak. So it's a non-stealth character. That means you must be very powerful in other ways. If you get close, you have a devastating blow.

Yeah. You get buffs when perceived. That would be the key word yeah i'll be honest i'm trying not to look at your part of the screen it's it's a little upsetting it's not that bad it's not that bad i agree it's a happy clown um but yeah at least it's happy but the thing about clowns is that they're always happy until they're not you know what i mean yeah like at first they're always so quick quick quick quick and then it's just pulling your intestines out with a with a spit cranking it while they they get

slowly drawn out of you click click click click sounds like that movie the terrifier which i haven't seen but i'm familiar i haven't seen i have seen the terrifier i watched five minutes of the terrifier and just oh you haven't seen the terrifier terrifier and terrifier too uh and uh hollows eve or whatever the first one is the little prequel short film i think yeah this uh what's crazy what's crazy about this is that uh art the clown that guy is i didn't think like i didn't think my whole life that i would get another like iconic horror person like and when i say iconic like obviously you have like the s tier oh geez michael myers freddy krueger uh jason but then like you know ghost face and like you know there's been

some others that are like in the mid area you know like for me like yeah uh leather face yeah uh exactly jigsaw and like that was like uh like almost two decades ago and then horror did something else but to get like an iconic horror persona i will tell you i have never seen someone climb the ranks so quickly in my books of a horror guy like this guy he's got like like i i just gotta tell you like it's the funniest thing is he it's grounded in reality kind of like what happens but also not but like grounded in reality and that like i've seen in in times like and this is his stick just like freddie might have a catchphrase is like he's got things that you like he's got rules like everyone does sometimes like he'll i've seen him get bested and he'll pull out a gun and just shoot

them it's like the whole hunting and getting hit and running and hiding and then it's like as soon as he loses the upper hand he literally has a gun on him and pulls it out is it a film series you'd recommend i'm a a longtime horror fan. I have subbed to Shudder, watch all that fucked up stuff. But it seemed like a little mean-spirited. It didn't seem like it would be funny. It just seemed like if I watched The Terrifier, it would give me depression. Gore for the sake of gore, cruelty for the sake of cruelty, and nothing else. It kind of reminds me of maybe a live-action version of a gyro manga or something like that.

It's kind of what the movie is like it's like what i look at it is it reminds me of those times like those movies like 2004 like going to rent a movie at blockbuster and you go home and you're like i understand why this isn't the biggest thing but like damn we got a little gem over here uh so like um for me what was like is it mean for the sake of being a lot of them are like questions that like i i wouldn't be able to give an answer outside of my opinion but i could tell you what attracted me to it was there there are these moments where like the the two girls it's very at the beginning two girls are sitting with him with the at the pizza place and he's just there and you're getting the guy but he's like under a bright light

and like people are around and he's like right there like five feet away and they don't realize that how dangerous this guy is yet and that movie hasn't shown us but you just know because we're watching a horror movie and the tension in that moment is just so well done that like things are happening and you're like oh my god don't do that like look at this person why are you touching him like there's just things they're like look at the clown they're doing shit like that like one girl and her friend is like don't and but like the tension in that scene like for example except the tone for me moving forward and because the guy who plays art the clown just kills it he just just like robert england as freddy krueger like he's just this guy and and yeah i didn't like how they do that trope you're

talking about for the sake of the girls like The girls, like the people that do comedy. There is a lot of gore. Way over the top. And he's like, Kyle, he's not like a clown that's like doing a fake like smile in public. They're like, look at this scary clown. Oh, or look at this silly clown. And it's like he has like blood actively on him. He has like dirty teeth. He has like dirty teeth.

He has like dirty teeth. Dirty bloodstained teeth. Like he clearly just was eating something. And while our friend's like, he's like staring. He's really just like for the girl, if you imagine her, that's just like a creepy ass fucking guy

in a scary costume sitting over there, but he's like staring at her. But no one would fuck with that guy. It literally feels like, like imagine if you saw like a chained up pit bull with foam on its mouth and it is the thing is away from you and it's but they did he did he did something i mean realistically would you fight a clown you're in public and let's say you run into me and i'm looking very angry would you say yeah you know what i'm gonna fight a clown here in the in public, and let's say you run into me, and I'm looking very angry. Would you say, yeah, you know what? I'm going to fight a clown here in the 7-Eleven.

That's going to go well. He does. He covers his base. He covers his base a little bit. The girl that does it, she has her phone out, and she's taking pictures, like, content of it. So once you add that factor, I said this to you before, like, things like over the last

few years, I used to see dumb shit in movies and I'd be like, no one would ever fucking do that. Now I know humans enough to be like, oh, there are people that will absolutely do that. Yep. There are people that will do it. There are girls, guys that will take their phone out and want to film next to them and do some dumb shit. And like I have seen people use that.

I used an animal as an example. I've literally seen people some woman holding a bear a baby bear for a picture and then the bear's just like face claw on her face yeah exactly and i was like and i was like that's yeah why'd you hold the fucking bear why'd you hold the bear you could fuck a bear in baldur's gate 3 by the way yes you can and you could fuck a bear it's like have you seen those clips of people in Australia who are like filming themselves playing with a blue ring on their face?

You don't see the penis go in, but you see like a lot of thrusting. You see? And there's a squirrel holding a nut, and it stops and it's like, and it drops the nut. Yeah, amazing. Why were people mad about that? That seems seems silly i've only had sex with i think

two characters and then i had like a romantic tryst with another but we didn't get in get get you know physical i actually sit there i i play the violin i play the violin while my party fucks each other i don't allow that they're not they're have sex. No, no, it's all about me. I think I've had like two. I think I banged a guy and a girl. I'm a girl. I can't imagine being a rock gnome. Like, I'm in a party for a rock gnome.

She's like, yeah, suck my rocky pussy. No, she's hot. She's pretty cute. I was cucking the party like your fetish. Like, you're the only one that gets gets to get laid and they all have to watch or just listen to the noises. And I'm the boss. You appreciate. I feel like I'm the most I'm the I'm having the most interactions with them. And they like that.

They like that. You're the boss. They like that. Someone's making the decisions. Well, they get Yankee chick. She made it clear that she wanted to be, you know, in charge. And I would have had to pass a sleight of hand check to top her. So I just let her run the show.

I didn't think I had the dice. Sometimes that's the real move, though. Like, you think it's the president running the country? No, it's the little Jewish guy lurking in the shadows behind him. Like Karl Rove and George Bush. Yep. Just like that. Man, I'm going to get into Baldur's Gate.

Bring it back to 2002. Yeah, it's real fun, man. That video I sent you, someone made a whole party of halflings, like you're talking about, Harley. They're old. They look like Charlie's uncle from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with the mustache and the receding hairline. The pedophile?

Yeah, it's four pedophile uncles running around with battle axes in their underwear together. And it's set to music and at the end they destroy the entire goblin camp inside and out with one shot because they've got barrels lined up to do this whole rube goldberg machine that just and the music and the barrels are boom it's great fucking boom boom boom it's great fucking video and then it zooms in on the four gnomes with their arms crossed like yeah we did this i was rolling laughing last night watching that shit there's so much around like like the squirtle with sunglasses arms crossed like squirtle squad like yeah yeah yeah it's uh when the mods uh when there's more mods for the game there's already

mods that make like inventory stuff better but uh i saw someone made a child mod so you can play as a child and that's that's a little scary because we don't want to be having child sex right no child murder is a pretty rough topic too oh tons of child murder in the game you can throw pocketed me and i would have fucking destroyed him if i'd known how at that time in the game you could throw children pocketed me and i would have fucking destroyed him if i'd known how at that time in the game kids are the only people my halfling can throw so sucks to be a kid you're throwing lots of kids in balder's gate i'll say that not everybody's into child murder i made that mistake recently not in real life they started it child self-defense uh child involuntary manslaughter. I did a watch party on Twitch,

and I picked one of these old exploitation films. And I knew it was a spicy one. Oh, dear. And I knew that it had some offensive stuff. I thought it was going to be more in the back half. I thought the front half would be more funny. The movie opens up with the Nazi bad guys running over a child in a car on a bicycle

and then backing up over him to crush his head then taking polaroids of the dead child's body and going and masturbating to pictures of the polaroid and i'm like yeah okay i have picked the wrong fucking movie to watch this was way too big boy oh remember i told you remember i told you that uh uh what's it called terrifier was gore for the sake of no i think you'll like it. You'll be okay. Now that I know what you're watching, I think you'll be okay. The film was the Toxic Avenger. Toxic Avenger, the old 80s.

Oh, that starts with Nazis doing that? Yeah, they're riding around in a car debating who to murder and minorities are worth more points amongst other bizarre things. Toxic Avenger, which is really crazy, is Toxie was like a superhero when i was a kid yes and there was a show called toxic avengers and it was with toxy and it was a cartoon

and it existed and i bought the toys at toys r us and it was cool and my uh mom and dad were renting a movie once and they were like oh toxic i saw it i was like toxic avenger like my toys and there's not like strict like uh carding or anything in quebec about when you want to rent a movie and uh my parents are like sure yeah rent toxic avenger so the next morning i put on toxic avenger i'm in the living room and my parents come downstairs and yeah after all the murder and all that they come downstairs and people are fucking on tv yeah toxic avengers like low-key uh soft core porno also hidden amongst everything he just described a while and my parents come down and they're like what the fuck and then they like take the movie and i'm like well i need to finish it and i'm like getting

mad because i want to finish it and uh yeah the best such a fucking sick show and like my parents i had toys like that but in the movie like people fuck and uh and my mom like wrote a letter to the toy company she was like i just want to know why yeah this is 1992 or something she's like so we watched the cartoon and we rented the movie why does the movie not like there's no you don't have no idea that that that it's nothing like the cartoon and how do you do both and they were literally like honestly we don't control the movie sorry that happened here's all the toxic avenger toys oh so you got loaded that must have been awesome that must have been like back back then if you took the time to write a letter to a company you got incredible results no one does that anymore except for my father and and like write physical like

letters he he got uh he doesn't email but he got a uh a mars bar and he took a bite of it and he thought it tasted weird and then he looked at the mars bar and there was a contest for like a movie that came out last summer so my dad like wrote them he was like uh why do you have this old mars bar in the store like uh what the fuck and they were like we're so sorry uh um you know we our inventory it should be cleared out from these places uh here is a uh coupon a card for two free mars bars every week for the year holy that's a good deal i should complain more free diet if you write it out and you do it like that you can unfortunately that maneuver which was a long long uh practice of my my people and the culture complaining but complaining is mainstream now like i everything that you could have ever made

fun of jews for i'm like yeah but you're all doing that now too like you're all doing that like that was our shit like i i got like i got i i know jewish girls that people bring them their cell phones and they're like call my my my my company and they get off the phone and they give them the phone back and they're like you have an upgrade and you're getting uh the new iphone in a month and you got i got ten dollars off your annual bill oh also you get free data when you travel now and like sometimes it just takes like a good and these these are like, like good, like a Ferengi. You get like a wheel. That's why they're the best attorneys.

Yeah. That's why, you know, you need a Jewish attorney. If you know why they're the best wall, you know why they're the best attorneys. Like money access, right? Back in the day. Very, very actually. But that's a side part of it.

Back in the day there, when like in new york when there were cases that would come up that were particularly ugly that you wouldn't win no firm would take it like if it was like this guy went into a house and he the dog and then killed the dog and drained the blood all over the children and he's claiming innocent uh everyone was like yeah we're not going to do that we're not going to mess up our win record to represent this shit um and but they needed to find them lawyers because that's that's the country that that we live in that you know you are you have a right to a lawyer sure and who stepped up they're like someone draining blood on the children sounds like a job for us uh and so

jewish jewish lawyers have basically just been like lawyering on hard mode since that like taking those cases and doing it like uh and now you get these these lawyers that are like fourth generation of taking the worst cases in places like new york and that's why the biggest firms are around because they've just been they got good at it and then 70s 80s 90s people start doing it i mean you could double check everything i can say it could be wrong again nah it sounds believable enough for me gladwell uh it was like some malcolm gladwell uh podcast thing that i was listening to but yeah then they yeah they ended up being good at that um also even like media like uh Jews

running media uh is because they weren't allowed to own land so they ran they had bookstores and so they opened ran bookstores and then books became radio and tv and stuff don't forget investing in film and stuff because they weren't allowed to do theater and uh film was was bawdy at the time it was not in vogue but they realized there was an opportunity there and made it much bigger than theater jews love you couldn't lend money uh like with interest to a fellow a fellow jesus-loving brother but they're like you know who uh we could sin for us the jews and someone was like a surrogate is that sin spelt with a dollar sign s because then yes you can because i'm down yeah dude i would help uh i would help the orthodox jews like if they if they paid me like I'd hit their elevator button.

Like their day and all that. God bless them. They'll spit on you. They'll spit on you for not being Jewish. They're like fucking. They're like the ones that like we're not paying taxes. We don't even want to be here. Oh, well, I didn't know they were going to be paid taxes.

No, no. What do you mean? They'll be mean to me if i was like i'm jewish they'd be like orthodox they're like hardcore religious fundamentalists right yeah they like plus they're in their own communities homeschool the kids arranged marriages uh i've i went to a i think might have been in la there's a big jewish community and a bunch of orthodox jews came out and i was there and they just looked at me like i was the scum of the earth like they were just silently debating what to do about me and i was just waiting on my uber for some of it did you look like that at the time uh no i okay yeah i didn't look that different i had a i was probably wearing all blue bright blue and a bunch of gamer stuff so i was very out of place everywhere i go in the world and they're all dressed like

they're going solid black yeah like it's hot and they're wearing big coats and stuff they're dressed like it's the fucking matrix and it's cool okay i i if i was gonna be a jew i'd go all the way i want those funny you think you could hack it you think you could pass the tests absolutely i assume there are tasks the tests i mean what you study a little bit you're in right it's just like uh latvian orthodox when i joined the latvian orthodox church it wasn't that hard what about adult circumcision no you go if you want to be like catholic they're like what i'll dunk you right now bro let's get baptized you call the jews that look at you like too poor they're like you know we don't know if you're what we're looking for with the direction we're moving our franchise.

So are they like Scientology? They're like Scientology. A really rich guy shows up and says he wants to be Jewish. And they're like, let me see your bank account. Yep, we'll fast track you. We'll get you in in a couple of weeks. They're like, oh, what? Well, you're a professional athlete?

You're in. We're going to goose our numbers with that. We were talking about this a while back. I've never been baptized, which apparently is a real rare thing. I'm sure Harley hasn't either. But for us Gentiles, it's... I don't know anyone else who wasn't baptized. I need to ask my parents what the fuck happened.

I'm baptized. Man, they've dropped the ball. Or maybe they made some sort of deal didn't get baptized until i was like 19 but i still got still got baptized you still knocked it out you're you're covered probably yeah but i went through that whole childhood of southern baptist hell and damnation and brimstone nope nope nope don't you see demons yes sometimes you see real demons so i'm not going to use you as a state cut a case study for baptism and it's it's been i love the frown the over like uh like the

how do the demons do you see demons uh it's a long very long story but the short version is uh much more prevalent in childhood than in adulthood i suffered from hallucinations, not the schizophrenic kind where you really, well, I mean, as a kid, I thought they were like real, real, you know, as an adult, I might see things like a, like a shadow person walk by super quick or something like that. And I know it's not real and I know it's my mind playing tricks on me, but as a child, they were much more intense and I saw a whole bunch of crazy ghosts and demons and things that talked to me and all sorts of crazy shit.

I think it was a combination of a very unpleasant medical condition I have and a very toxic environment. You spoke about this on the show, right? Yeah, I did. I told a story and stuff like that. So I, in the past, have seen things like demons and ghosts and supernatural events. And I do, I also have a very, very bizarre dreams where a very unpleasant thing often talks to me and kind of controls the scenario. Is that still happening now or pretty far?

It was pretty much dead for a long time. I had a brief resurgence about three or four months ago. Very unpleasant dream. Uh, it was, uh, are we, are we going to do that? Are we going to go into paranormal? I had a brief resurgence about three or four months ago. Very unpleasant dream. It was. Are we going to do that? Are we going to go into paranormal? If we're going to do that, I'll take the clown nose off. It's kind of itchy.

Yeah. I think you take it off anyways. Now look a little bit more. That's so much worse. Now you look like a French Quebec, like a ballet. Anyone where I'm from knows what i'm talking about by the way but it's like imagine you've uh played something like left for dead where there's like an ai the director that directs your game imagine when you go to sleep and you have a dream it's lucid so

you're you and you're awake and you might even know that you're dreaming but you're not in control of it and there is perhaps another malevolent director there putting you through some sort of godforsaken scenario. And if you break out of the scenario, you're probably going to a meeting room where you have to have a very unpleasant meeting of some kind. Yeah, it's not fun. I don't sleep that well.

I don't blame you. I can't fix it. If I get some of my problems fixed, it may go away on its own, which would be great. I am Tuesday going to see the only specialist in the state that will talk to me, and then I might have embarrassingly yet another final answer for this stupid problem. Peter Vinkman, right? No, no.

It's an infectious disease specialist. I may have a protozoan infection, which is not good. You don't want that. It's like a little kind of like a bacteria, but a little nastier, and they live in your red blood cells. How do you get rid of those? I'm not entirely sure, and it doesn't seem like it always

goes away. So that's why I'm going to a real doctor to get an answer. And if that... Good news. Another option would be to dream train to grow stronger that's why i'm going to a real doctor to get an answer and if that uh good news another option would be to dream train to grow stronger every day so when you do encounter the shadow man in the dream you are far more powerful than he ever expected you to be i got a trick supplement for that we do it makes you come we really do i do have a trick for that there's a dream supplement like real i didn't know that uh yeah the trick i learned for that, for real. There's a dream supplement. Really? I didn't know that.

Yeah. The trick I learned is that if your heart rate gets over a certain amount, you almost always wake up. Your body just has a fail-safe mechanism if that happens. So if something's getting really fucked, I stop in the dream and concentrate and try to just hyperventilate, get my heart rate up super high, and just imagine it. And usually, I'll just poof right out after. Oh, I got the answer for you.

So do you have a smartwatch? Been tracking it. Yeah, you can set that thing to wake you up if it gets above a certain point because I know my butt. Someone I know went to sleep after doing a bunch of cocaine and Adderall and their Apple Watch woke them up

because they thought they were dying because they probably were. Their heart rate was like 170 in their sleep or some shit. In their sleep? Dude, that's like panic attack level of blood pressure. I'm telling you guys about crazy dreams and shit like that, right? According to this, I dream only about 15 minutes a night, which is way less than what you need. And a lot goes on in those 15

minutes i'll tell you either that or it's just not reading right oh there's full full-on time dilation in our dreams which is interesting right big time that's uh that's a bizarre part about dreams that i would love to hear a doctor and a scientist talk about like how that works how does time dilation in dreams because and a man of god you wake up sometimes exhausted and i'm like i don't even know how that shit ended it went on i was like i've been for weeks i've left a dream scenario like it had been a long dream maybe running from bad guys through the woods or something and then wake up and be like all right i'm awake and then be oh shit i gotta get back in there and and went back to sleep and got back in i've done that before that's awesome

how does that work i think it works because you want to go back your mind is already in the mind is it because that place is real because our minds have made it real doesn't it feel very real sometimes i think that our dreams might be more than just our brains putting on a show for us Because our minds have made it real. Doesn't it feel very real sometimes? I think that our dreams might be more than just our brains putting on a show for us. Maybe we're creating some kind of little pocket universe that we're going off and playing around in. Maybe. I mean, I guess that kind of is what it is. Don't get your hopes up, though.

You're not going anywhere when you die. It's a simulation and you come out and you come out you're like it's my dream this has nothing to do with that still like a huge amount of the time when i have a bad dream like i don't remember anything about it other than like i'll wake up like more anxious than normal and just be like oh i must have had some kind of weird dream i had that like but i can't nail down like what was it about it must have been kind of upsetting but i have had that like a night terror like where you jump up yelling and stuff no i've never had that like i've never like i don't keep saying things and i'm only picturing you in the clown makeup doing it like yeah i don't wake up and jumping up screaming full clown costume uh you do know how i look like normally

right yeah of course yes of course not clownish yeah i don't think i've ever had a nightmare or no i when i was a kid i woke myself up with nightmares occasionally i woke up during like a very brief nightmare where i was like my mom was calling me to like run through the garage to get to her car so she could drive us to school and i was closing the garage on my way out and i tripped and it uh the garage door crushed my head and i died and i remember waking up from that like oh my god i never thought of that as a way to die is is having your head crushed at the age of seven and then thinking like oh my god and my mom and my brother would still be out in the car looking at like my head all over the drive oh that was a terrible dream for a seven-year-old boy my dream when i was seven is i would be at

school and i'd be like i'm here naked why did i come all the way here naked what a fuck up what a fuck up my dream i'd be like i forgot everything even my clothes this is crazy why would this happen and it's just my dream is me standing there stressing, being like, how am I going to spend this? I remember probably four years ago, which maybe not even that long, two or three years ago, I had the first nightmare in many years where I hadn't done my homework. And like I had like not or no, what it was was I realized I was enrolled in a class that I had never gone to. And it was near the end of the semester. And like I wake up from it or whatever. And it's like I'm like actually like worried about something. And then I have to remind like you're 32.

You're not in school like that. It's fine. So here's the school nightmare that i have um i haven't had in a while but maybe three three or five years or something but i used to have it all the time and way into adulthood i have been enrolled in the wrong classes or i have taken more units than i thought on than i thought i had and i've never attended these classes though it's become news to me today that yes you do have a third and fourth period class. This is not a half day.

You've been working a half day for the year, and you were supposed to be learning calculus and biology. And so now, today, there is a Scantron fucking test for both of those classes, and you have to cram right now for the test today and they're and all of a sudden they start handing out scantron sheets when i'm looking in this book that's this thick and it's just so scary just because i do everything i'm trying to talk to the teacher i'm trying to like cheat and nothing works yeah i the reason i think that scares me is because literally i think it was my junior year of college i was in like finance 3000 or some upper level finance course and

for the second the second test there were only three tests so test two is halfway through the fucking semester and i sit down next to this guy and through some conversation i'm like oh yeah like I'm so glad the tests are fucking easy as shit because the tests were a joke. Like I got like a high A and like on the first one, I come from the second one. I'm like, man, this class is so great. Easy as can be. I never come to it. And the guy I was talking to is like, yeah, but like attendance is like 15 percent of your grade. And I was like, oh, oh no that can't be true like i couldn't

have made that kind of oversight and so then i just like i had it in my head i was like okay you cannot get back eight percent of this entire grade like you just have to go to every class from here on out and like ended up still doing fine because it was easy as shit, but I remember that was such a big fuck-up because I had never blown off a class where they took attendance. That always seemed so over the line to me. That's just willing laziness and indignance and ignorance. That's what I did. I was kicking myself for that.

It's like, you fucking retard. You moron. You missed every single day other than test one and test two. It didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now. You didn't even need the degree. It didn't matter. You're right. It didn't matter at all.

Did any of you use your degrees? No. None of it matters. I use it every week on this show. Yeah, you can get those printed off the internet and no one checks if they're real i saw a reddit post the other day from a guy college no one cares about your college transcript ever again they care about your first job i saw a reddit post and the guy was like i've been living a lie for x amount of years he's working as some kind of professional with a fake degree he's not

a doctor or anything that's that's different but you know he's working a professional job where they think he went to some school somewhere and there's a diploma on his wall and everything. But that ain't real. I once saw a professor who worked for like 10 years as a professor of ethics with a fake degree. You can get them printed right off. That's hilarious. Go right now. There are multiple companies who make very good fake degrees, and they'll go so far as to have your, you know, references and everything like,

like they'll, they'll, they're backed up real, uh, real quick. I, we've been having so much fun chatting. I just realized we are overdue on our ads.

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Those are all the sponsors. Thank you to fair district.com. Thank you to better help. And thank you to lock to ourselves at lock and load. My God, I hit that dab X during that ad read and it was so strong. It was so strong. And the thing's filthy though.

I know somebody is going to say that and you're absolutely right. It's filthy and it's time to wash it. You've been using it so much. I've been, I have, I really have. I love it's filthy, though. I know somebody's going to say that, and you're absolutely right. It's filthy, and it's time to wash it. You've been using it so much. I have. I really have. I love it. I like it a lot. It's so convenient, but it's dirty.

I need to clean it. That's always the experience when you go to somebody else's house. When you host guests, and you hand them your rig or whatever. It would be crystal clear if you came over. But then you go to somebody else's house, and they're like, here, man, take a hit of this. And it's got an eighth of an of like solid black resin at the bottom. And it's you can smell it from like eight feet away.

And you're like, does that really filter anything? I think it makes it dirtier. Yeah, I mean, I know that is going to taste like nasty water. Yeah, you're right about that. When I have company over, I to clean my my bongs entirely spotless it's just yeah for sure i mean they're gonna put their mouth on it you know it's like it would be like giving them dirty silverware or dirty plates or something at dinner exactly but a lot of people seem to not care uh i think there's like a frat boy like there's like a there's like a dude bro kind of attitude of like

fuck it you know but that was 20 years ago or so so yeah that's a gross attitude to have in your 30s yeah it was a gross attitude in your 20s I remember distinctly being so grossed out by my drug dealer's bong that I wouldn't hit it

and I think I told him it was just so nasty there was visible dust bunnies that had stuck to it because it was sticky you know what i mean like like you could see the dust was adhering to it like if you took some duct tape and rolled it out and left it out for a few days like that happened because the whole thing is sticky so that means it hasn't been cleaned in at least like six months months months and months who fucking can't spring for like a bottle. Months. Months and months. Who fucking knows? Can't spring for like a bottle of isopropyl alcohol and salt. But then the thing about that is,

some people, the time thing doesn't work for some people because if you smoke a lot, this guy was a drug dealer, first of all, who smoked weed in his basement all day, every day with his boys. So there are four men downstairs in a basement watching TV and playing video games with a grow room next to them with 30 plants or some shit.

They're continuously burning that bong. So it's so filthy. I don't know what kind of herpes these cocksuckers have. They're sitting around all day doing nothing and none of them can clean the bong. Filthy. I mean, that's how drug dealers work. I don't know how many drug dealers you've met. They don't tend to be super well organized or on time or clean or orbiting the same planet we are.

I've told that drug dealer story multiple times, so I'll be quick, but he was a loser. And I don't mean that as an insult, because sometimes when people will call somebody a loser, what they mean is you don't try hard enough to win you don't put you don't do the thing that you could do that would be a win they don't mean you can't win they mean you won't win this guy couldn't win this guy couldn't win no matter how hard he tried it was just me and him one time and he was like first of all he's skinny as a rail rail. He's like 90 pounds or something. And he was asking me how to gain weight. And I was like, you know, you eat more.

And he's got this weight gain supplement that he's eating two scoops of it, two big scoops of a day. And he's talking about this stuff. But he's the guy who had been roofing and they were putting 10 on a roof. The guy at the bottom was on meth, pushed the 10 up too fast and caught our drug dealer's hand and sliced the tendons in his hand so his hand didn't work right anymore so he couldn't be that kind of carp so he loses that job so then he's he's working like concrete and he's hammering rebar into concrete it's uh like most of the way hard in a basement they're putting the rebar into it and the hammer chips and when that happens that that that kind of steel

that's on a hammer when it chips off it does so in a real high speeds just because of the nature of the way that steel is made the way it's tempered it went into his chest and nobody knew it until they saw the blood start running down his chest and just like flowing and they're like what is that what is that they thought it was a gunshot wound at the er they were like who shot you who shot you no one shot me the hand so we don't know what so then he loses that job and he's out of that job for a while so he thinks man i'm depressed you know what i need something to do my spare time while i recuperate i'm gonna get a little three-wheeler little four-wheeler type thing, a little ATV. He's in a backyard. It's dusk. The sun's setting, but you can still see well enough

to see if this thing's going to be worth buying. With his right hand, he's hitting the accelerator, just sitting there in the yard. His left is sitting, just hanging by his side. He didn't know it, but the chain cover was off of the the atv the thing that covers the chain that spins that turns the tires his left hand goes in the chain while he's spinning it up and it eats it takes the tip off one finger like a good bit of it like an inch of finger gone and the next one is like really mushed up like the whole nail is destroyed and like this guy's like the anti-mr mcgooey can't avoid things he gets maimed basically and so now he's sitting there like like like that guy in the seinfeld with the two broken thumbs just crippled and and it wasn't long after that after he told me that whole set that this is why he became a drug dealer this is his origin story

right for his what other job are you gonna do yeah truck driver truck driver so he's driving a truck selling weed these are his two jobs living in a house that his wife's family owns so he's doing the best he can you know she cheated on him and left him and then he had to leave that house and then he lost the truck and that's the last i heard because you know then i needed a new drug dealer yeah oh what a sad set of circumstances. What a series of unfortunate events. He didn't want to be a drug dealer. He didn't have any other choice. Okay.

That guy was actually pushed into it. Like, it seems like he had no other option other than that sucks. God was just like, wrong career, wrong career. Okay. I always wanted you to be a drug dealer. I want you to sell drugs my son it was such a sad story he didn't want to do anything because then the you know the drug career got crushed when his wife you know cheated on him and kicked him out of the house and

now it's a terrible career to sell weed because it's legal fucking increasingly everyone no no i think it's i think a lot of people i think what a lot of people do is bring large amounts of weed from legal States into the States where it's still illegal. And it's, that's big business. Very big business. I walk around my neighborhood here in Texas and I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I very often find trash blowing around or like sitting outside of people's houses. It's a cannabis products, clearly like California, Colorado, Washington branded products, not

Delta eight, not HHC, like real cannabis. And I find that junk all the time, just in my neighborhood. I'm not, I'm not like in the suburbs. Right. And God, I went to the park the other night and there were two Mormon kids smoking weed. That was a whole thing. Yeah. How'd you know they were Mormon?

Well, they were wearing white shirts, black dress pants, dress shoes, clean cut, all overly happy looking, and they were carrying large black books that I was a little bit too far away from to read, and they had bicycles. That's Mormon. You nailed it.

You really painted a picture for me. Maybe Jehovah's Witness's witnesses but they were young these are like don't second guess yourself when you're trying to get it what is it they make you do when you're a teenager where you have to go out and proselytize and get your number mission or yeah maybe mission something like that and it just looked like they'd had a long day of being told no and they were just sitting at the park sharing what i assumed to be a joint it smelled like weed so i mean that's gotta be a really shit thing to I assumed to be a joint. It smelled like weed. I mean, that's got to be a really shit thing to have to do as a Mormon.

Because when I lived in Idaho, I had a bunch of Mormon friends. And I remember I would ask them and be like, where was your mission or your service? And some of them would be like, dude, I got to go to Argentinaina and i was in this like little like village and i played soccer with the kids and it was so much fun and like everybody gets along and they're so sweet and you just talk to him about god and then you talk to someone else and be like well damn i talked to jerry and he said he got to go to argentina that's fucking sick like where did you go and he's like i went to colorado and it's like so you went like one state away and he's like yeah and it was western colorado like i have family there like and it's it's like oh i'll think about it you just get luck of the draw i guess their success rate has to be one in a fucking five thousand or. If we're talking about going somewhere

and them saying, no, I've never heard of God. And you being like, could I come in and tell you about his love? And they're like, oh, I've got all day. And then you going in there, go a whole spiel and them wide-eyed, nodding along and smiling bigger and bigger as you go on telling them the whole story.

And just at the end they're like how much do you want for the book and they're like getting all their money together to buy a bible and you're like that's the thing it's free and you hand it to them how long how often does that shit happen never never not 15 36 some shit and some shit whole part of the world that shit doesn't happen everybody knows knows about God. Yeah. Everybody. Christianity is everywhere. They don't know about Satan. I got a great relative story for this.

When I was in college, I did door-to-door Satanism. I went door-to-door in Mississippi trying to convert people to Satanism. I did this because my college professor required that we do something subversive to graduate. It was like freshman psychology, maybe sophomore psychology. You have to be a guy who wears a dress. You have to try to

get things without paying. You have to do something that's socially unacceptable. And then you have to write about your experiences of being shamed or shunned by other people in the society, blah, blah, blah. And me being the professional clown that I am, uh, got together with one of my good friends who ironically was a youth minister. And we got a little fake book with an upside down cross on it. And we went door to door to pitch, uh, Satanism. And we, we, I said, I was from the post Levan Satanism church, the more modern church of Satan, I don't think existed or was big at the time. And the responses were horrible. It was a lot of doors slammed in the face. We covered maybe like a hundred houses before we gave up.

There was one old lady, I remember her eyes got all big and like kind of shaky, like those, like those ladies on Fox news when they get a little cranked up and she was like, I'm a prayer warrior. You can't, you can't come in here. And just like, she was like i'm a prayer warrior you can't you can't come in here and just like she was like yelling at me and like doing bible verses through like a little glass bars um it was i remember there was this and you've been seeing the shadow man ever since and this older man a bunch of shit in latin waved her hand around in the air then i I smelled sulfur. We got out of there. She said, sick.

I didn't even understand it. It was almost like speaking in tongues and nonsense. I was going to say there was an older guy who, God bless him, tried to be helpful. And he was like, have you not heard of the love of Lord and Jesus Christ and the sort of standard? Like, I would hate to see you go astray. Have you read the Bible? And I was like, yeah, I read it. It's pretty much all nonsense. Satan's the way, man. And just like totally ignored it. And he got super mad. Uh, the funniest group was, uh, there were these two, uh, big fat

black guys and a little kid swimming pool and their front lawn full of light. It was a hot ass day. And they were just sitting in this little kid's pool together, big fat dudes, tight, wet shirts. They had little like Kool-Aid or some sort of like little fruity drink or something in the shade. And we came up to pitch them door to door Satanism. And they told us absolutely not. It's like we just told the Mormons. No, I'm telling, you know, get out of here. I'm trying to have a nice day.

I don't want to hear about none of this religious crap. It was it was an interesting experience. And not one single person was not offended and not one single person took it seriously or even considered the option and I've had a very interesting paper and a fun experience. My subversive action would have been to

lie about what I did and write an easy paper. Oh, that would have been so much smarter. You thought I was a good paper? I lied. It's all made up subverted i cheated and i got away with it too so that would be my report my subversive thing is i learned your address professor i know where you live uh you guys like weird news stories did you see the aliens in peru they were actually illegal miners with stolen jetpacks trying to scare people away.

Scooby Doo style style. I did not see that. That's hilarious. It's a real story. I did it because I'm doing new stuff now. Weird transition in life. There were locals in Peru that were reporting that UFOs hovering a couple meters off the ground were harassing the village. And they even tried to kidnap a 15 year old girl.

And they complained enough to where the police actually sent somebody out there to inspect it. And the police somehow determined that they were actually illegal gold miners and that they had a plan to, I don't know where they got the money for the jet packs, but the plan was to scare away the locals. I don't know if they had costumes, but the locals thought they were UFOs and they were terrified. And the first thing I could think is Scooby-Doo is real. When they arrested him, did they say in Peruvian accent Spanish, which I can't do for the life of me. I was like, we would have got away with it if it weren't for your kids

and that darn talking dog. I wouldn't have been fooled by that. I would know that wasn't an alien. Yeah, but you don't live in a rural village in Peru. Here's what I love about this. She is not happy about this. She is not presenting this as the silly flying man who went to our village. No.

She's like, this is the man who tried to take me. This is the night demon. Night demon. Dude, they... Oh. Alright, I see no resemblance whatsoever. Like, none. I love it.

Oh, sweet. I love it. Just flying around like that. That's awesome. I bet it is, too. Look, there are very few gadgets or whatever that I'm jelly about or that I want to get on and try, but those jetpacks, I would love to do that. I'm going to try to find some way to goof around on one. What he's doing now, it's cool. Don't get me wrong. But the juice isn't worth the squeeze for me. I wouldn't want to go through that to see that view.

I'd rather just land a helicopter up there and look maybe or something. I don't know. That ride, he broke his leg doing it last time, right? He's doing it again. What if this is Woody's actual trip? What if he's lying about what he's doing, and he's actually going down to Peru just to harass locals for fun? He's harassing locals.

He's the Peruvian night demon. Holy shit, it's been Woody this whole time. I'd like if he did stuff like that. just to harass locals for fun. He's harassing locals. He's the Peruvian night demon. Holy shit. It's been Woody this whole time. I'd like if he did stuff like that. That would actually be amazing if Woody came back and he had footage like with GoPros

on the jetpacks just hovering over the village, scaring the locals. He'll be into jetpacks before you know it. Like he'll get bored of fucking cool. They are cool. And I bet they're actually

I was going to say I bet they're wildly expensive. I bet they're probably a bunch. A couple hundred grand, I think. Genuinely, it costs... I mean, that's a lot of money. It is. It's in the plasma TV phase of it. These things will be three grand in ten years. Remember the movie The Rocketeer?

Yes. When I was a kid, there's a movie called The Rocketeer and the premise is that there's a jetpack made maybe by a Nazi scientist. I'm not sure. Nazis are definitely after it. I was thinking of Rocketeer. And it falls into this guy's possession, and he becomes the Rocketeer, who's sort of a 1930s era superhero of sorts. It's a silly little movie. It's filmed in all that sepia tone kind of stuff. It's a silly little movie. It was filmed in all that sepia tone kind of stuff. Yeah, it's an okay movie.

But what I'm saying is the idea of just a jetpack that worked in the 90s was enough to be a superhero. And now you can get one for like three or four hundred grand. Like the cost of a house. Like the Rocketeer, the jetpack that they don't go that far. They're super loud. They're kind of janky. It's not like you just put on something the size of a backpack and you fly. It's not cool, but they do have this other weird thing. Uh, if you launch from an airplane and you have a parachute on, there's this other kind of jet pack. I think it's like

on the front of you. It's essentially like small propellers and like a little wing you can hold onto and kind of steer around. Yeah. That feels like it's cheating doesn't it yeah i that's where i always end up whenever you i'll say this when we would go to uh sporting clays events these guys would have golf carts that cost twenty thousand dollars for a golf cart twenty twenty five thousand dollar golf carts and they'd look like hummers or they'd be stretch golf carts they'd be all pimped out and i just remember thinking i'd rather have the cheapest car than the most expensive golf cart. I'd rather get the most expensive.

I'd rather get the cheapest F-150 they make, which is $19,999, than that pimped out golf cart. Because then I'd have an F-150 that would last the next decade and do F-150 type shit. I don't know. I always felt that way.

Because you're not rich enough to get it. Your money actually still matters to you or maybe you didn't grow up with wealth you know some of you know some of those pleads that growing it away that's part of it too there's something about just throwing money away on something silly like that don't get me wrong what you're doing is you're showing your value like you're showing you are so rich this is how much you can throw away because from the time you've been old enough to talk you've been taught that's how society and for the rich people that is kind of how society works that you need to one-up people and you need to show them exactly who you are by your

extravagance is my understanding i'm not talking about guys like that. I'm talking about a guy who just makes it just look, this is, these aren't millionaires. No, I thought we were talking about the ultra rich here. Like maybe old. No, this is at the shotgun tournament. You know, like, like what I'm saying is they would make that decision. They had the same decisions. I, I would have to make, you know, a $20,000 truck or a $20,000 golf cart. And they picked golf cart for some reason, I think is what I'm describing. The people that are really throwing money away have those crazy shotguns that are six figures and stuff like that.

A six-figure shotgun? Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty ridiculous. Look at this. See, this is fun. This is redneck engineering. I can get on board with some shit like this. I'm on board with that.

It looks very unsafe. I'm here for it. I like the steam ray in the background better, yeah oh that car it's corvette oh yeah it's a silly thing he's created there there you go oh boy see that's like uh the what is that the general it's a general lee right there yeah generally didn't age that well no i don't know is that have you seen those uh those pictures of people getting mad on social media where it's like some british guy like like after a soccer game wearing like the the united kingdom flag and people are like in today in this day and age really and it's looking to cancel somebody for that's a

that's a Union Jack retard like that's that's not even the same thing they can't tell the difference no they are a little similar but not you can't see the difference that is neat but like you said what would the fucking point of that be that I mean that's really cost the same as a regular

guys one that's great that's mater mater mater we were talking about mary the fake cable guy his yuppie comedy was weird i never watched his yuppie come oh this one sucks these people should be released from the contest oh they're children okay that's fine i i like when people do cardboard remember that youtube series 15 years ago, like Cardboard Warfare? Yeah. That was so cool. I love that. I would love to like go out in the woods and fight with cardboard.

Yeah, when I was 10, that would have been pretty sweet. It could still be fun today. You know, you just have to have a little imagination. Think about it like a YouTube video. Not just like cardboard sticks you're hitting each other with but like cardboard cannons and guns and cardboard traps it's a little bit more like airsoft paintball yeah why wouldn't we just play paintball or air so i would rather just

play paintball honestly i have not played paintball in what when did we go to joliet 11 12 years ago so it's something like that yeah 11 or 12 years since i think somebody may have stolen my paintball guns i couldn't find them the other day i don't know where they are i gotta do a look around uh he's got an illegally modified paintball gun stick your paintball guns just put your marbles in it everybody take cover there's a 10 chance the feds took my paintball gun i'll have to double check they're not supposed to obviously but but um they could have accidentally because they took all sorts of shit that turned out to like not be weapons or not be pertinent and stuff i was always getting stuff back anyway you can still own a lot of things right yeah i

can have black powder guns and cannons and mortars and all sorts of crazy stuff i'd love i would love to see you getting to some kind of altercation and like somebody breaks into your house or something and there you are you're just like just give me a minute we're working on it gotta get the wick going the wick yeah you gotta load your own like custom wick in there get like a flint rock it's so much trouble the last the last thing like the the the criminal hears as he's like in kyle's dark foyer is like kyle go loose and then he just bolt fires right through his rib cage and i mean the bullet you're shooting is gonna be like this here's knock you hear that in modern times you know you've made a wrong turn yeah i can get a bunch of uh different silly weapons but you know i don't really want to see an idiot you'd be surprised

the air rifles are incredibly powerful and and they reload quickly and uh those little bud k crossbows the little ones with the really heavy strings they shoot darts about little metal darts steel darts this big you can shoot shoot them. They'll punch right through walls and stuff. Oh, man. I never mess with crossbows too much. I've got a crossbow, like a modern crossbow that's pretty good. It probably shoots 400 feet per second

or high threes. It shoots super accurately. That's the thing that's surprising about bows in general is they're really accurate. Close to as accurate as a gun is at close range. 50 yards or something. It should go through you, right? Wouldn't that go through a person?

Yeah, arrows go through people. Bolts go through people. When you shoot a deer, even with a broadhead, so the front of its blade's sticking out, it goes right through them, all the way through and comes out the other side and sticks in the ground as long as you hit a bone.

Well, if you do hit a bone, it's massive trauma. And I guess that deer is going nowhere. Yeah, you would think they're tough, man. They'll just go. You know, if you don't run anyway, you can you can cut their heart in half and they've got enough giddy up and go to sprint for maybe five seconds. But five seconds but five seconds at deer speed is way down there you know yeah it'd be like 200 yards i know um maybe not that far but

but they'll run sometimes uh you know so always with a bow i've never seen one get shot with a bow and just drop you know like dead unless you shot any spine but it's not dropping dead it's just paralyzed from the waist down uh one of the rednecks as a kid told me a story i didn't believe he said he jumped off a deer stand with a spear and stabbed one in the back and it went through the front of his heart and everybody was like yeah sure yeah i bet you did guaranteed no i don't believe that i would have to see some shit like that this was a little bit before the era of cell phones. He has returned. Welcome back. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that.

No worries. No worries. It happens to the best of us. Because deer are super wily. So the reason you're in the deer stand is you're getting out of its peripheral cone of vision, right? You're above where its sight line, the high part of its sight line ends. So you've got to jump from pretty high up. And when you jump, you would have to do so silently it's not like the goddamn movies where you're just like

no if you made a noise when you leapt off with a spear he'd run he'd run before you you fell through the air fast enough to get to him that that shit wouldn't work i totally agree that that story was bs but that's probably the most ludicrous deer kill I've ever heard anybody in my community claim that they got. Harley, I don't know if you heard, there's a guy who said he jumped off a deer stand and stabbed one with a spear. Didn't believe that at all. Total nonsense.

Like falling, like Sparta. This is like one of those tree things. Yeah, I guess he jumped out of a tree. I love looking how deep certain things go like when i was buying cameras camera equipment i mean firearms is like a whole thing i did it when i was i was buying like a like a like an airsoft so there was just like replica stuff but i was like fuck this stuff goes so deep and i was just in the hunting store looking at how deep hunting stuff goes. And I'm like, you could be 30 feet in a tree with food laid all around you with special scents that attracts all the animals. And you could be sitting up there cooking on a little hot plate and playing Steam Deck.

And then a deer comes and you could pull out like the sickest rifle with a scope on it just shoot right down onto its head yeah yeah yeah like rifle hunting is is so not fair if you have any skill with a gun at all um that deer gets within 100 yards it's toast even if you don't less than that further away um if you're if you're with a gun, then killing a deer at 100 yards is as easy as clicking on one on a video game. It's actual point and click. It's point and pull. If you've got a sight,

if you're doing iron sights, a little trickier. Yeah, you've got a scope and a rifle and everything like Harley's talking about, but bow hunting was always really challenging. And I had special soap, because you can't use deodorant because they'll smell the goddamn deodorant so i'm out there smelling like a goddamn caveman and like keeping my boots in a plastic bag so nothing ever touches them except for the wilderness it gets kind of silly but then yeah sure you go i mean

i've also been out there and had to piss and pissed right out of my deer stand on the ground below me and i'm thinking, this is an idea. But then the deer came and they didn't smell the piss and it blew my mind. It's like all the money I've wasted on soaps and scent blockers. I took a leak here. They didn't even fucking care. I wish we had, like, a game on this planet, like an animal that's putting up a serious fight. And so, like, the hunters that wanted to go and hunt those like it's fine and uh it's like over there and it's not but when you go like i

wish we had like a skull island that's accessible and people can go and be like i'm going to skull island i'm gonna hunt and like like you're the predator yeah yeah but like you gotta be careful and and yeah and i honestly i want some of them rhinos hippos dangerous shit that if you're not paying attention no the shit that's not even here like big insects and like we got like and i want like starlink above skull island so that they can stream yes from their body cams be like yo what's up guys uh there's a fucking giant praying mantis over there, but I obviously saved up for the AK that you guys

hooked with the drum magazine, so this is gonna be sick, and then his chat donation goes off. They use the Twitch points to take a bet if he's gonna shoot it or if it's gonna slice him in half, but it's gotta be a place where the monsters usually win. You don't want to kill all the monsters.

You want the monsters to mostly kill the people. A giant praying mantis is a real terrifying opponent, by the way. Especially if it moves at the same speed as a small one, but scaled up. It would be like hundreds, maybe thousands of miles an hour. It would be like this thing that would delete a house in an instant.

We'd lose to bugs if they were made nearer. Let's make it like the size of a volkswagen no as real as he got though it made it instantly not fun when he like got real with it it's like yeah if it moves as fast as your life you're like oh yeah it's not even fun to stream he's like there's a giant praying mantis and you're just like gone yeah the camera is like you're like three steps onto the beach of Skull Island before you get in.

360 vision. Sorry. That was what intrigued me about the Jurassic Park, maybe three, was that the B-side line was the hunters who were going to Jurassic Park to hunt dinosaurs. It's like, yeah, that would be fucking cool. I'd love to shoot a dinosaur.

That would be awesome fucking dinosaurs i don't feel sorry for them i'd feel sorry for deer like even if i could shoot one with a gun i wouldn't i'd feel sorry for him you see that video of the guy is the gun at the deer and it like comes right up to the barrel and like yeah he's past it and like snuggles him and he's like okay i thought you're about to tell me he just blasted it he's just like i was watching're about to tell me he just blasted it he's just like i was watching the video being like choking it out it's way cooler deer in a blood choke no i mean like you're talking about a praying mantis the size of a volkswagen bug which is insane no one would

have a chance against that it'd be so fast think about think about a praying mantis think about a 20 pound praying mantis just 20 pounds and think about that look in the corner of your room right now and picture a a four foot tall like that 20 pound praying mantis low-key the worst size actually it's like worse than a big one because this takes like taking like 20 bites to kill you yeah and it can hide in your house even are those terrifying sharp mandibles to like latch onto you and they just eat your calf as you're like freaking out like that would be chopping i think they bite the heads off first or maybe they start eating you alive i've seen the meat but they just start eating you wherever if you watch um if you watch you know that's the thing about praying mantis is we're fucking humans dog we went middle of the food

chain to the top in like record time how long it takes sharks to do that a million years you fucking idiots so you know like praying mantis they we see one head get bit off and we're all like interesting and then we talk to each other and then we come back next head get bit off, and we're all like, interesting. And then we talk to each other. And then we come back, next head getting bit off. It's a special helmet that like fucking. Like Wild Wild West. Yeah, knives pop out of it. The praying mantis blood drips down some guy's face. Yeah.

And then like we wear it. Then we wear him. And then we come back. And now the shit's different. They're like, yo, humans are fucked up. You ever see that video of the elephant on the on the road It's like the baby elephant gets gets like it can't get I can't do something I forget and an elephant comes to the road and elephants so sick

It comes to the road and it's like literally waving down people like yo Waving down people like, yo, you guys are the only ones that could do this. I don't like you guys fucking scary, but I'm it's hard. He's literally my Baldur's Gate halfling coming over to humans being like, yo, I need you right now. And it's sick because he like like you see this elephant. He's like, I need humans right now. Like, I need them. We're like on our motorcycles moving fast he's like trying to stop us he's like please any of you super creatures my child cannot get out of

the mud uh great clip there's 130 pound ants eating it and i need you to fire off use your human powers to kill them like it literally any throw any kind of animal would be easier to take than a souped up bug that still retains all of its like power because they're they're they're they're shell but they're think of their shells like armor now also yeah like you can step on some bugs and they're still like i'm moving bitch i still got eight legs they can flatten out their internal organs uh but on this note i hopped over to the other cam because there was a movie about exactly this called meet the apple gates where super intelligent human-sized praying mantises move into suburban america and it is fucking horrifying because there are these huge mantises walking around murdering people and

molesting people and stuff for the whole movie. It's nightmare fuel if any of you guys want that. I forgot about that. I did not know that was a film. It's supposed to be like a family comedy. I found it deeply uncomfortable. You found it unsettling. I would really rather watch a fucked up Shudder exclusive than

that PG-13 family. You also said molest. You were going to say something else about the praying mantis too kyle you were i think maybe you're talking about uh you said fire you said fire under your breath a couple times i wanted to hear what you had to say break out the flamethrower and they're in trouble like the flamethrower would destroy it is the choice right they don't keep charging at you while it's while it's burning. It has a lot of range. A Warhammer chainsaw gun thing.

Really high-pitched sounds or perfuming smells. Get out of here with that pussy shit. I want them to burn. Yeah, but he could do it. I like how he'd do it like a demonic barb style. You could do it like with speakers. Make it cool like Mars Attacks style. Oh, yeah. Let's say you could do it like with speakers like make it cool like mars attacks style oh yeah like okay let's say you're gonna hunt a giant mantis and you want it

to burn and die but if you get anywhere near it it's gonna murder you in a split second but if you get near it with all these things that disrupt its senses and confuse it and make it weaker i bet dragon light and kill it yeah stuff like that flashing lights would really fuck him up like a strobe light would uh would mess his movement up, I bet. I bet he wouldn't be able to track you effectively. But in the end, if I'm being honest, the answer to every horror movie and every fun little scenario that's fun to talk about like this is a goddamn shotgun.

You get a shotgun, man, and it's game fucking over. I can shoot a praying mantis the size of a Volkswagen in the head faster than you can imagine. That fast. It's already did it. Just did it. Did it again. can shoot a praying mantis the size of a volkswagen in the head faster than you can imagine that fast it's already did it just did it did it again yeah but that's one is that one of those bugs that like it can hang out for a while without a head oh yeah yeah there's a lot of bugs you can cut their head off it makes its legs stab faster yeah he's gonna be over there wiggling a little like any animal that gets shot in the face cockroaches can go without a head for.

Yes. The movie can go without a head until they starve to death. The end of the movie mimic. You remember that one? The giant cockroach movie. They cut its head off and the body collapsed by the front door of the apartment and they couldn't leave the apartment for two weeks. So like the main characters maybe starve to death because anytime they got next to the decapitated human-sized cockroach, it was in defensive stance and it would just take slices at people.

I watched too many movies. Apologies. I watched a movie on Shudder the other night. It was late night. I couldn't sleep. And I started this thing at like two in the morning and it's called Vampyr, v-a-m-p-i-r and it's about a brit who has been hired to babysit a graveyard because vandals are vandalizing it in i can't remember the country let's call it it's somewhere eastern europe lithuania transylvania slovakia or something anyway the 1990s one or the 1932 one it would it's newer for sure he probably watched a lot of movies but he tells them now the clown costumes look a little autistic yeah so so the deal is he's uh it's a vampire movie obviously he's there but he doesn't he's in hungary that he doesn't speak the language that's the point so it's this really interesting thing

even in modern times where he's alienated immediately in the village. So that kind of covers... Alienated. You know, he's an outsider. He doesn't even speak the language. The old ladies will come up to him. I pulled away. They'll come up to him

and they try to talk to him in Hungarian or whatever the fuck. And he's like, I don't speak Hungarian, only English. And then they're like oh come with us and they're all smiling and and laughing and he's like oh you want me to have dinner with you i understand that and they sort of mime it and then he's like wait but you're not having any you're not he's he's the only one getting served at this dinner table and and they're all looking at him like watching him like what yeah eat this now now eat this and he's like oh these are i guess this is like some hot salagretto man you're

i guess this is like what you eat here this is traditional hungarian weird stuff that you okay you're not having any you're not having any and then he he finally gets really weirded out and he stands up suddenly and they all stand up suddenly and start coming after him. And he just gets out of there. And you're like, OK, OK, that was so weird. That was so weird. But nothing bad has happened. And then he starts having these nightmares where he cannot move in bed and awful things are happening to him that he feels.

And awful things are happening to him that he feels. He feels the pain. And he wakes up the next day crying. Because of what happened last night. In his dream-esque thing. Like this old lady sitting on top of him. Like mounted him. And not sexually. And she's got like a stick that she's wedged into his mouth.

It's like sleep paralysis. Yeah. She's pushing his face into the pillow like a stick that she's wedged into his mouth. And she's like sleep paralysis. Yeah. She's pushing his face into the pillow with a stick, you know, into his like sideways with both of her hands, pushing it down. And she's singing some crazy shit, smiling down at him.

And she bites her lip hard as fuck and starts drooling blood into his mouth. And he's like, and she's going dribbling the shit into his mouth yeah it was actually it was i i was i was in the moment and then it just became adam sandler he dragged me to hell he play dual roles i haven't seen dragging me to hell i love that i love that movie and i like the cut that has like the cartoony

there's like two cartoony moments like literally looney tunes like someone's eyes pop out of their skull in a cartoon i like that version of it the one where she goes to see the dead body and it tumbles out of the coffin and it's almost it's only falling on her but it looks like it's attacking her and it's like hilarious physical comedy uh have you guys seen lake mungo lake mungo no okay i have not spooky i have not and i saw the trailer and i was like this someone someone recommended i was like you only get one just give me one and they were like Lake Mungo. Yep.

It's a really good slow burn. It's not high pitch. There's no, sorry, high octane. There's no jump scares. It unfolds in a really believable way. But it's not particularly scary until that really like, it starts getting a little bit weirder near the end because you're kind of like doing a detective story about this missing girl and it just gets weirder and weirder. Um,

I thought it was great. If I remember correctly, uh, a lot of the police and medical people and blah, blah, blah. They interviewed in the movie as part of like the detective work were real, uh, actual professionals, working professionals in New Zealand, like police and stuff. So they're not professional actors and they don't speak like professional actors so they're incredibly believable that's interesting uh i might look into that you guys see skina marink yes that's a whole different animal right there i like that one a lot but i don't recommend it to people exactly about five percent of people are going to love that and about 95 percent of people are going to say are you stupid nothing happened in the whole yeah and and and

it's really important it's terrible it's really important to watch that movie alone with the lights off not on your phone and i know everyone says that all the time and even better than a headset is if you have like if you can like go to your parents home if they're still living in your childhood home and you could do that at night in the basement lights out there like that'll fuck you up you have to find something from your like if you were born like anywhere from like 1977 to 1992 you have to find your childhood home or something like it and go into the darkest place to watch it and you can watch it like i think anyway i mean obviously headphones it's like

almost cheating at that point but like anyway even like on an old shitty tv would be crazy and it's just bizarre it just feels like scary nostalgia like when you were younger i'll try that out you looked in the hallway and the hallway was dark darker than dark and you just didn't know what you and you were hearing it was just like conversations in the other room there's no other room what are you hearing it's really crazy um but i i don't want to recommend it after everything i just said if you don't like it in the first 15 minutes you could probably stop yeah but uh yeah have you seen uh barbarian love it yeah my wife has she loves it so that's great man that was such a fun i i don't watch trailers anymore at all um and if i do i'll very quickly turn i'll only watch a trailer of a movie

that i have no intentions of watching and if they change my mind i'll immediately turn it off because i know that if i go three quarters of the way in this trailer, they're going to the third act of the movie. They're showing me the part where the hero has to wrestle a girl. You literally get the end of act one, and you're always blessed with a shot of the final scene. And I always watch trailers, and I'm always like, that's the end of the movie right there.

I know the end of a movie when I see it. I see what you've shown me. I'm like, that's the end right there. It's like every trailer does it. I wish they did it like dusk till dawn did anybody see that in theaters because they didn't advertise any of the vampires at all it was and the first hour of the movie is played as a straight up kidnap i got it that way you know cops and robbers yeah and then out of fucking nowhere vampires and schlocky ones. And it was glorious. But I'm right there with you on not watching trailers.

Terminator 2, James Cameron saw the trailer for Terminator 2 when the Terminator was like, He's never seen Terminator 2. That's what I'm going on. Oh, I would say if you have to ask me, I'd put that number one at the top of your list. You don't even need to watch Terminator 1, actually. Terminator 2. I know it's crazy how it really doesn't even matter the the more the more there's already a ton of mystery in that world building that the more mystery you're left with is just fine because there's a ton anyways it's not like it's gonna really fill you in on things but it's

also fun to watch after but terminator 2 is my number one favorite movie it's also fun to watch after. But Terminator 2 is my number one favorite movie. It's the first movie I ever saw in theaters. I feel like I do what I do today because I saw Terminator 2 at five years old in theaters. I'm jealous because at any moment, if you're like, what should I watch? You could watch my all-time favorite movie. You've never seen it before. And not only that, it just for on so many reasons

to be 2023 and not seeing this movie there's no part of it that you're gonna be like this feels outdated not a moment there's really no moment in the whole movie exactly there's not a whole like that's that's like but it's gonna feel like stranger things kind of like strangely doesn't feel like outdated it's like yeah it's just gonna feel like like now there's no effect in it or decision or clothing everything is it's still it's the craziest movie i watch that whenever i watched it uh terminator one and two um this month last month something like that i went through them again and watched them both. I love those movies. That was one of my favorites as a kid to watch with my grandmother, Terminator 2.

She's a huge Arnold fan. I'm a huge Arnold fan. That movie made me like, like now after that, I followed Robert Patrick's career when I saw him in Sopranos playing the gambling addict. I was like, oh, that's fucking,

that's bad. It's a Terminator. This is cool. But that scene at the end, I cried. Like Terminator 2 made me cry. Um, but that scene at the end is, I cried like Terminator two makes me cry. Um, a couple of times I've watched it and cried.

Is that rated R or PG? Yes, it's R. That's what I thought. Uh, Arnold does his best acting of his career. I think maybe. And that seems like he's,

I think he's trying as hard as he can. To be a robot. And he does it very convincingly. And this actually loops back to what we talked about in the very beginning uh you talked about the toxic crusaders tv show based on an r-rated movie from that era you had aliens predator uh terminator robocop rambo yeah all these fucked up hyper violent r-rated movies like you go back and watch robocop this is the toys r us aisle yeah 1992 all r-rated so funny about our generation is like that's the the toy aisle now yeah like really like like not like at a toys r us but like you can go to like eb games and you or something like a

gamestop and that's what you get is you're gonna get like alien terminator robocop and all those toys were sick i love that alien you got like the gorilla alien and i remember like uh it was my first time when i realized i was woke cuck i got i i was able to choose any toy and i came home with uh ripley from alien 3 i got nothing wrong with that nothing at all best all-time female action heroes ever and i actually i got like i was in my first like argument debate like ever when i hung up with my friends and i brought a ripley toy because i brought a bitch to boys night and it was like i was like i'm like i'm like michael your parents don't even let you watch alien 3 you don't know what this bitch does bro like you don't even know what a power loader

is you have no idea she called the queen alien a bitch you don't know shit michael fuck you fuck the ghostbusters and like and i'm literally like but i remember like just, and obviously I didn't word it that way, but I remember being like, but you don't know anything. Cause I was allowed to watch all these movies. I had like a pay-per-view. So I was like, I love anything with killing.

If I got something and someone's getting killed, there's blood. I'm like, hold up. Don't you wish they still had squibs instead of CGI gunshots? Like you go back and you watch total recall and they shoot people and like three gallons of criterion collection any uh like robocop like what's the criteria and stuff it's like they're special uh the top the the the best version

director's version of select like cult movies like robocop you get robocop and there's like like crazy squib scenes like with the bloods going like that i bought that for a video once and like they didn't work and i just remember like we bought it and the guy rigged it up and like did it and they didn't work really only some of them did and he was like sorry and i was like yeah he was like okay and i was like here's your money i was like here's your And I was like, yeah. He was like, okay. And I was like, here's your money. I was like, here's your money. I literally like, I'm just, what's that? Aren't they kind of dangerous? Like squibs are little explosives going off, right?

I have no idea how they worked. So when they didn't work and he was like, I can't do anything about it. I was like, okay. I still paid him though. And I was like, did I lose just now? Did I get scammed? Did he know? More or less than $1,000.

Wait, more than $1,000? Yeah, I was asking how much it cost. Oh, yeah, no, less than $1,000, actually. That's surprisingly cheap. Yeah. That's why they didn't go off. Yeah, I'm glad to hear that you're a man of fine taste and have watched all the best movies.

Yes. Well, we're all men of fine taste. Everybody except Taylor. Well, you know. I just have a full catalog of stuff. You guys are jealous because you can't watch. Between us four, though, between us four white men, we've

seen every single movie worth seeing. Yes. Probably 100%. I had to watch that with my high school girlfriend. we've seen every single movie worth seeing. Yes. Probably. 100%. I had to watch that with my high school girlfriend. No, I refuse to watch. It's a good movie. It's really ugly about the notebook. I didn't hear it.

What movie? The notebook. The notebook. The notebook is when the notebook ends. Like, I promise you, even if you don't say it out louder, like, inside, you're like okay oh i bet i'd like it i bet it made me cry though i'm a pussy about stuff like that if there's if there's a fucking emotional scene or something i'll be i'll be tearing up and crying the whole

way i hate when a movie's like the boy in the striped pajamas. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's what I want to do today. The boy. Right. Fuck. Look at the cover. Like, I'm sick already. My stomach. Like, I'm trying to watch a movie and chill my day off.

I'm fucking get attached to a Holocaust, baby. And when I watch it, I play it through. Yeah. You're going to put yourself in the Holocaust. When I watch a Holocaust movie, I'm like, oh, man, it's so horrible. Those things happen. Do you watch it from a different point of view? Are you guys harley's like i would have put a stop to this i like it's funny because like that's the thing that you get through multiple different stages in your life like depending on what your brain is and what the exposure is

and i'm at a time in my life where i see about like more about like how i was exposed to it the first time anything anything holocaust related i was walking into my uh aunt's living room where my parents were watching with my aunt and uncle and i looked at the screen and it was black and white but there was a little girl and her jacket was red you saw the red so right and it's like this is like spielberg so in a millisecond like i don't realize like the fucking same author is captain hook like i'm i'm like looking at the screen like right and they're like you gotta go and now i when you know when you're like seven you're like yeah they're like you can't watch this and i'm like i'm pointing i'm like it's

uh she's here i could be here and uh and i could have been i could have been he's not gonna be for much longer and uh i'm why and i'm just like i've never seen the black and white with the color pop and it was just there's a lot of reasons i wanted them but i had to leave so i left and i didn't watch it didn't know what the movie was and then like i like i said pay-per-view it ended up coming onto the tv and that's like basically the same as like youtube back in the day and i remember yeah watching that that's depressing yeah and i remember watching it and seeing like you see the girl in the red jacket early on and i watched and i recognized when there was jewish stuff um but like because i was i recognized jewish shit i like you know hebrew school or like holidays like i was always

like who's god what's jewish you know why is no one in my class jewish um and like i just connected that and people were killed and there's like crazy imagery but i don't know what the fuck was happening and i i don't think i ever sat through the entire thing of schindler's list that's the movie no no no then then yeah like but anyways and then there's different times then you get what it is but like i just remember like you know you watch it when you're like and this is why always young guys like andrew uh andrew tate fans or or any young guys like like i just remember how my i always remember how my brain was working at a certain time in my life and i remember being like like that age 16 17 18 like i'm like dead serious being like yo i'll fucking die killing a nazi i'm watching saving private ryan and i'm watching the jewish guy get slowly stabbed in the watchtower and i'm like

you fucking bitch bro you fucking bitch you're like yelling at him like fight back you can literally i'm like i'm like and i'm like mad and if there was a bald guy there that was like i'm world box kickboxing champion i'm fucking rich i bet you don't like how that guy just got stabbed right fuck women i'd be like yo bro fuck women dude like i was ready to be more and so just consuming it then and like nowadays whenever like like i can't look at the holocaust and be like what they did to my people i'm always just like humans are fuck dude like i like because the same thing is like because the feeling that i would get from the holocaust i could watch a slavery movie and feel the exact same way because at the end that's that's on all of us i'm like fucking humans bro when we're fucking when we're like off

the chain we get really crazy with it lord of the flies yeah bro if aliens ever came here and like landed and we negotiated like like it's there are two men like i just feel like they don't no one wouldn't really know what they're getting into yeah i agree yeah i've said what if it was like antithetic like what if it was like any period of peacetime is anomalous to them like and they are total violence total conquest total fight that's possible right it seems more likely look they work together enough to get here like like somehow they work for themselves scenario could be yeah they had to work together to get that to happen though as a species right like like Could be.

Yeah, they had to work together to get that to happen, though, as a species, right? I like the idea of coming here and us being way more aggressive and sneaky and backstabby. And they're short. Yeah, just everything. We're hard to deal with. There's a lot of... Humans are like bad ass.

The Vulcans in star trek don't really understand the concept of lying they find it difficult you know what if hands what if like nothing else evolved like as good as hands and they're like these fucking bastards we can only push the one button at a time they don't have to use their tongue over there to select things they can stay awake for so long they eat poisonous peppers for fun uh but have you heard of the hunters in a dark forest i was thinking that's what i was thinking did you read dark forest by the way i did not read the dark that's what i heard i read the summary of it and i read more about the theory which i'm so funny that you came to that conclusion from what he was saying

it's because you oh that's because you prompted me when you said that that's how they will be yep like you're like it's you're in a dark forest and you are every any civilization or or species or anything that could that is on your level or anything if they are here like you're you're like you are all being silent you're all treading through the dark forest silently you don't want to be the creature that makes a noise you don't want to do that so like like they wouldn't necessarily come here and announce themselves unless they were most certainly coming to easily destroy us yeah and they would but i just gotta say i really believe in us that we are just fucked up in weird ways dude like they're gonna come here and be like we are here to destroy you all and we are gonna be like stop are you familiar with fucking because we got a million

humans right here that are gonna fuck you and suck you and they're gonna be like what is fucking and we're gonna be like you're gonna give us give us one hour yeah one hour and then literally boom they're tied up bdsm shit we're fucking milking them and using them as batteries to run our planet like we're crazy we're just doing that just just milking aliens for batteries because because they're like we didn't anticipate how good it would feel to come and i'm just saying listen i just came up with that right now i don't know what we would do we're robots now i don't know what we would do we would absolutely fuck the aliens they can consent they're conscious that's the that's

the scenario it all depends on who gets to the other the scenario I want to see though. Because we've seen in sci-fi movies, we've seen all the other scenarios. We've seen the warriors who are coming to take over in Independence Day. We've seen the friendly guys who are just visiting. ET is like an accident, but

in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, they're visiting and interacting. We don't know what kind of tech they've got. He made a bicycle fly, dude. Get out of here. No, the tech's crazy. He phoned home with a calculator. The tech is crazy.

His fucking finger glows and does magic. Kyle, if those FBI agents had guns instead of walkie-talkies, they would have taken him right out of the sky. We don't know if he can take a bullet. What if they bounced off of him? don't know they are in the star wars universe all the et aliens are there they might be forced they are so that's george lucas is such a fucking lame piece of shit he snuck the et aliens into star wars in the background but yeah but but the most important thing is that there's a yoda costume in et so et creatures confirmed same universe as star wars so he does have he is force sensitive like i operate i operate on that like et was in star

wars and there's a yoda costume there's a yoda costume in et like so you're saying that et is a jedi no no no being forced jedi is entirely different thing it's like he's not jewish but he's circumcised of course i've got you no it's like he's not jewish but he's good with money yes yes they're they're jewish yeah like that one guy who said i didn't say i was jewish i said i was jewy jewish and uh all right there's alien nation that's when the aliens show up but they were the slave race on the big ship very similar to district nine or whatever where you've got the slave race who doesn't really know much about the tech they were just fucking turning the knobs and the master race that built all the tech

had been you know turned on they died from a virus think, in one of the movies. I don't remember the other. Maybe they turned on them. But then all of a sudden, we have these simpleton slave race people. That's Alien Nation. And it's more of a humanitarian issue, just housing them and feeding and clothing them and integrating them into our society. And Alien Nation, they get drunk on spoiled milk milk and salt water is like battery acid to them. So there's all these little weird things.

Their erogenous zone is their back, not their front. So you could easily get up the front of a girl's shirt, but you'd have a hard time giving her a massage. Kids grow up faster, learn faster, they can hold their breath for 15 minutes, but it's all a big allegory for racism.

Yes, it's about immigrants coming in taking her jerbs but is it a little ham-handed no it's honestly not hand-handed i don't think it is i think you can enjoy i think is there a scene where they say we're not that different yeah oh every episode that is ham-handed as shit no but it's like it's like it can't be fun like it's like it's low stakes kind of it's everything's gonna get solved in 21 minutes like everything but i'm gonna present the problem and deal with it i haven't seen the tv show i need to i'm talking okay the tv show is way cheesier so james khan is a james khan's a detective and his pop partner gets killed by one of these souped up newcomers

and he barely kills the guy. He dumps his whole gun into the guy and finally kills him. That's what they're called. And so he makes it his mission to track down the newcomers that killed his partner and to aid him in this, he agrees to take on the department's first

newcomer detective. He's like, yeah, he'll be my partner. Nobody wants him. He's first newcomer detective he's like yeah he'll be my partner nobody wants him you know he's a pariah he's a fucking he's been alive he's seven years old or something that's how their race works so like he's been um what's the um he's been he's been picked for this job because he's a newcomer not because he's necessarily good at the job that's a good movie i liked it I watched it like a couple months ago. I need to watch the TV show. I forgot it existed.

But James Conn, I always like that, like that stuff where you were saying, like the battery acid. And I know it's just little details that's just said in a moment in the show. And especially when I was younger, that's the shit that would like stick with me. And I would think about like for the rest of the episode while not really taking in what the episode was about

but that's what i always loved about mass effect was the little details about certain species like they'll say things in conversation that a conversation that like they made this conversation you didn't have to go this deep and sit here a lot of people want to get to the exciting stuff and i'm there and i'm like oh croak can have four testicles and that's interesting because the women haven't been able to give birth for a long time like and it's not any like messaging about earth or a message here they're just like this is a story and that's how is that's how some is like and i i miss in the 90s like like 90s movies you would go you would watch a movie and like a thing would happen and the the bad guys escapes and then now the good guy is there and he's like what and he's like sorry and kill and like it's the end and

you're like sick but these days you leave a movie and you're like how the did he get there but these days you leave a movie and you're like how the fuck did he get there so he was here and then he's there but like you never asked shit like that in 1992 not only because you were like a seven-year-old idiot but like no one did my parents never left and they were like how did that guy get out how did the car and sometimes i watch old movies i'm like yo we'd like this my parents my parents my paid money, sat in the movie, and they didn't ask how ever at any point. Sometimes shit just happened because it's the fucking movie. And that's what happened, bro.

But sometimes that's great. Like, Big Trouble in Little China. It's like an hour and 45 minutes long. But like 87 things happened in that movie so fucking fast, you don't get a chance to think about it at all. A great movie. Still works though. I never drive. What does it say say i never drive faster than i can see what does that mean what the who's in that it's all russell russell uh david hong as lopan is fucking hilarious yep and uh kurt russell's doing his best John Wayne impression.

He's a big rig driver and he's coming into San Francisco meeting up with his Asian pal and his Asian pal just happens to be picking up his fucking girlfriend coming over from China. You're not going to believe it. She's a green-eyed Asian girl. Can you believe it? A Chinese girl with green eyes

is going on about this beautiful girl. He's like, well, I'll come with you to the airport. And they go to the airport and wouldn't you know it fucking yakuza come out of nowhere fucking snatch her up run off with her in a car they chase them to chinatown and it turns out they're not yakuza they're fucking um like dark warriors for for at least two or three raiden style chinese demon princes. Raiden was based on them. Mortal Kombat was based on them. They're floating down with lightning storms and stuff, and it switches gears so fast from guy driving a big rig,

visiting his buddy, getting a girlfriend from the airport, and now there's magic. Now there's magic and lightning coming out of fingers. That's like the first 20 minutes. Yeah, and toward the end, there's monster men in an underground lair. There's fucking... The floating head with eyeballs that looks like a doom demon. It's fun.

It's really fun. The bad guy is an ancient evil Chinese sorcerer. And one of the guys on the good guy's team is his former friend, a good Chinese sorcerer. And when they meet, you think, oh man, it's a big magic battle. No,

they literally pull out these little balls and open them and like little magic Pokemon come out and they have like a little fucking Pokemon battle. And they're like, ha ha 10,000 years. And you never beat me at Pokemon. It's awesome. I don't remember that part. I genuinely don't.

It sounds funny, but absolutely happen. Every, but it's so much don't. That sounds pretty funny. It absolutely happens. So much happens, though. It's so stupid. Yeah. I think it's a really good movie. Big Trouble in Little China. Yeah, that's a good one. I like everything Kurt Russell's ever done. Have you ever seen his commentary?

Escape from L.A.? No. I know, but he said everything. He said he likes everything. Taylor, have you ever seen Escape from New York? Escape from, but he said everything. He said he likes everything. I don't know. Taylor, you ever see Escape from New York? Escape from L.A. has its moments. Yes.

No, it doesn't. Yes, I think I have. Escape from L.A.? No, I saw L.A. Confidential. Escape from L.A. has many moments. Far more moments than Escape from New York. Are they better? Absolutely not.

Not a single one. But it is all moments. I heard that Escape from new york like obviously is a huge movie and it was sick and it's great and then they had him for the next one director and actor locked in for escape from la and they didn't want to do it so they made the movie like as if they didn't want to do it and in the first one it's like a serious like it's like an action movie the second one he buys his freedom by winning a game of basketball and surfs on a tsunami the basketball scene is the best part of the whole god by far

and as a kid as a kid you're so stupid you don't think about how one movie was one way and then the next one you're like hey plays basketball basketball sick of course he he's good at basketball fucking snake bro and then and then like the same thing happened like with like ninja turtles watching that as a kid i'm like ninja turtles one is sick ninja turtles two so sick and then you watch them now you're like ninja turtles one is amazing ninja turtles one is ninjas rules 2 is a piece of shit movie it is so bad you want to hear something awful we number three is ridiculous we only had three at my house you know what kind of how awful it is some relative was like and bought the fucking

third one because it was six dollars somewhere one year they go back in time to samurai times. Taking a step back to return to LA, do you remember the female lead, the Arabic lady? She's like, yeah, I'm with the Taliban and the Mujahideen. I know what it's like to kill people. Before that was like a big thing. That did not age well at all, man. They were still getting trained. Rambo 3 is the same thing.

Rambo works with the Taliban and Rambo 3 to fight the Soviets. And there's a whole text thing on screen to thank the brave Mujahideen at the end of that movie. It's been changed now. Now it's special thanks to... Instead of special thanks to the brave Mujahideen, it's special thanks to the gallant people of Afghanistan.

Yeah. But I mean, at the the time anything's better than communism right that's slick afghan people of afghanistan they are a gallant people they're gallant they're like the the people who hate afghanis because you know america they don't know what gallant means so if i was in baghdad i'd be like it's really gallant all over the it's all over here in in uh yeah and then and then they'll be like well wait until you see afghanistan instead of iraq oh yeah oh oh not gallant at all bag that oh what am i saying i've heard that it's totally destroyed through no fault of america yeah no that's uh no even aside from that you could be gallant even if

america comes in uh does gallantry have any gallantry is not in question just because america came through you know don quixote was gallant in a way in a way not really you know effectively but that was kind of the point of the story. So was the Spanish Inquisition. The Spanish Inquisition? It depends on your point of view. I thought, I was reading about that, I thought that was a way bigger thing. Like, I thought... Yeah, not as big as you. It went on for centuries, though, right? The Spanish Inquisition? No. I don't think so.

I guess I'm thinking more of the practice of witch burning. No, I thought it was like an enormous, like, huge thing. No, no, witch burning, yes. I thought it was like an enormous like huge like vague random catholic witch burnings and what is it heresy prosecutions blasphemies digging up the corpses of old popes and put them on trial

all sorts of shenanigans oh that's different though maybe it's one of those animated history channels on youtube they dug up bodies and put them on trial yeah a former post so is that behavior by the way would that be no that's no i'd say it's behavior that's some badass shit there's been crazy popes one pope they made him pope and uh he went through so much money fucking whores and doing drugs that he that he was broke so he had rich buddies though because, because he's the Pope.

So he's like, hey, give me, let's call it $20 million in today's money, and you'll be the Pope. He's like, are you serious? You'll sell your Popehood? Totally sell my Popehood. Sold his Popehood, $20 million. Two years later, you know what? Give me the hat back.

I want it again. No, for real. Give it back. Took the Popehood back. At one point, he dug up the former Pope, who he didn't like, obviously. Put him on trial. And what I mean by that is

the corpse was sat up in a chair and accused. And the corpse had a defense lawyer, the devil's advocate. There was a defense for the accused, who smelled because he's been rotting for, you know, the last year and a half in a hole in europe somewhere they found him guilty believe it or not they threw him in the

river that pope's body was thrown in the river what was he guilty of what did they oh no kind of heresy some buggery he probably said something like jesus was an independent person from the holy trinity and that was just too much yeah i i like though the popes have been some of the most evil people who existed i bet that was like a really weird day in vatican city because i guarantee pretty much nobody was on board for it other than the Pope, but if the Pope is leading the charge of it, everyone else has to be like, they're like, hey, Saint, what are you

doing today? He's like, you're not going to fucking believe this. I have to defend Pope John V. The guy who died, he's like, yeah, and if I don't, he's going to burn me in the stake. So I'm writing arguments defending a dead guy. But they can't be two good arguments, because you know you're going to lose. You'd have to play into it.

I would play into it. I'd be like, you're right, Pope. We got to get this shit on lock and key. We need to be safe. And let's throw them in the river. I was just at a Vatican City, actually. This is hitting for me because I was at Vatican City like two weeks ago. Yeah?

How was it? Just to how was it just to say sorry just to say sorry to be like just to check out what you guys are up to over here um that has nothing to do with us actually more to do with him because you said catholic didn't you who said catholic didn't someone say catholic well that's the vatican My family's Catholic, most of them. Isn't that Catholic? Isn't that like... You're supposed to laugh. Most Catholics... I get baptized, by the way.

I know some people that way. You're solemnly offended. I need to frown like Grifter. With my low-hanging no most italians are like most secular jews in that like they're like yeah we're we're you know we're part of it too and they're like really when do you do the thing and it's like easter christmas and i'm sure for jews it's like oh i do yom kippur i do hanukkah like when do you go to temple never i never do you ever go to temple harley uh yeah here and there like uh but i mean here and there i mean

like once or twice every five years for and like you can't drive on high holidays so like the amount of times i've gone because my grandfather's there and it's like a six hour thing and i park like a 10 minute walk away and then i walk up and i hang out in the back and like i see my grandfather after i'm like fuck like i only go for like last 30 minutes when he's walking out i'm like she's a long one today and then i like i'm like gotta walk all the way home now he's like yeah i'll see you later i'm like bye and then i like walk 10 minutes to my car and drive home wow but like i mean it's like so like yeah i'm here because it's important and that's like really what religion is to me is that like it's important to him and like the family

gets together here but i like the rules of it i i would never impose that on someone else or on myself like would you do would you like uh if you had a a friend who was a muslim and they were like oh come to a mosque with me and you know face mecca and and you know the the i don't excuse my ignorance go on the the rug the carpet thing and the prayer rug and do the ritual with me today like would you do that i mean i have friends that like i wouldn't invite that i don't think they'd want me to do that i think they'd see that they'd probably see that as like cheapening their religion let's say a jew asked you to put on you do that if a jew asked you to put on to fill in let's say which also a jew wouldn't do but then i'll do whatever you want me to do well you have no

choice buddy because you know what we'll do to your bank account. I don't want any more trouble out of y'all. Y'all shocked and do me pretty good about four years ago. FBS Russia passed me in subs and I got him in jail. Leave me alone, you and your friends. Kyle, you might have seen this. Kyle, did you see the public freakout video where there was a crazy person with a big sign protesting something about Jews control the world? where there was a crazy person with a big sign protesting something about jews control the world and this dude legit walked up to him and say excuse me sir i'm jewish and i own this and you can't be here and he's like yeah i figured so it's like he's like yeah the jews don't own this thing over here you can go over there and he's like all right thanks for the heads up yeah and

he walks over the guy's like jews control everything and this like guy comes over he's like just like a chubby he's like you gotta go you gotta go he's like who the fuck he was like i'm jewish i control everything you can't be here he's like yeah i can't he's like you can't i'm jewish i control everything and the guy like walks away and he looks at the camera he's like so there you have it i'm jewish i control everything and he's just like some like dude he didn't even own the property he's not even like he could have been He looked like he could have been. He looked like he could have been. The Catholic and Jewish version of religion sound a lot more fun than Southern Baptist. For Southern Baptist, it was not just like, at least for me, not just a cultural thing you do a couple times a year and celebrate Christmas.

It was a you go to church three days a week. You pray before every meal all the time. God is real. God is watching you. He's keeping a log of every single thing you do you make one mistake you go to hell demons live just behind the walls they're gonna come get you like yeah oh i'm fucking yeah good times good times yeah yeah i like my most of my family's catholic but my immediate family like didn't go catholic they were like regular like protestant

or whatever and yeah. They don't hit the stuff as hard as the Baptists, but they're definitely big on hell, big on sin. Don't do that. Feel bad. I think it's important, too. If God's real, then the people who believe in a hell and bad...

I know some people, sorry Harley, don't really believe in a hell and their religion, but I feel like there's got to be some comeuppance. There's got to be, right? If there's a really good place, there's got to be a really bad place, probably. If there's no comeuppance for doing the wrong thing,

then why would I do his right thing? Because I just don't get it. If we're all going to the gold fucking streets and the clouds and whatever the fuck and the paradise, then why shouldn't I be out for me until the last five minutes that's probably what a lot of jews started thinking and other jews were like yeah we got to switch the system up we got to come up with a new story because these people are i don't know what to tell them like we got to figure out something like we got to switch the system up a little bit but if you told me that god was real

and he wants me to live this humble life where I'm trying to make others happy and live for glory to his name or whatever and blood of the lamb, such and such, then I'd get right on board with that if I thought he was real, though. I could see doing all sorts of violent things in his name. If there was a real God and he told you there were some bad guys you needed to go get, tell me you wouldn't go get them but wait but what's what's the like two things yeah like in that sense like then it's just

we're we're the heaven waiting room like we create us yeah put us in the waiting room and if it's all about heaven like this is like really short and like i'm being tested but you made me so like you did this i like like we did this this is a collaborative thing like you know like why did you make my brain this way and uh kill my parents uh and i didn't expect me to like follow the rules like you did all this like you know and also if they're like yeah if he's like you gotta kill these these people i'm like who are they i'm just tired i'm tired of being pointed at others and being like that's them and it's their fault that anything's not good right then he looks over at me and he and he says see kyle that's how they are that's why they can't be one, Kyle.

All these Jewish goblins come from the underground. They're like, yeah. You realize that I had. Come, come, hurry. You realize that Kyle had begged God to give you and your people one last chance, and you had just spoiled it. And I was like, how much are you going to cost? I said before the, sorry, go uh go ahead i was gonna talk about

i was gonna talk about islam again so like it's not important to yeah i guess i'm kind of boarding on that because their whole thing is like they're like hey god hates these people and what they're doing they gotta go like that's his thing he told abraham he told this guy and now that's what we do we kill them when they don't do that when they do that thing they're doing over there and they're out to get us. And it's, you know, with us or the dead. That's how it is, you know. Man, if you believe that,

it's time to get a fucking vest, right? It's time to go, right? If there was a real guy who was telling me that some people had to go, it's like, all right, how do I do it? What do you want me to do? Yeah, if you believe it's God, that's why so many people do things like that when god tells them because like if you really believe that god tells you to

do something like people tend to do it if god's the real deal true believer like that just becomes schizophrenic or you know loses their mind in some way where they're hearing a voice and they have this strong belief in a God already and now the voice, because of their mental illness, is taking that role on and is saying, hey, God here, you know the guy you've been learning about and worshiping your whole life, do I have

some shit for you to do? Did your girlfriend do clown makeup? But is God... Apologies. I'm roasting in here. did your girlfriend do clown makeup but does it's god why that's what god said apologies i'm roasting in here it's like 80 degrees and that is not an easy wig to be in sorry this is latex paint i think it's scarier with your natural hair everything's been getting crazier the juxtaposition between normal hair. The headset, too. Yeah. Well, this is coincidental.

I just got this in the mail because I'm a sponsor by Logitech. And the only color they had is white. It looks good. Thank you. Thank you. The long hair. It's like if you dyed that green. I love white on PKA.

It looks great. We like it to pop. I was saying, like, even if you didn't go into a mosque or something but if you had a buddy and he was like do i'm doing the daily prayer yeah i'd love if you join me and like maybe that's not really muslim of him to have uh someone an infidel like yourself yes uh but like i like you know would you do that uh because i i Because I know lots of people would not. Or someone, if a guy was like, you know what? Let me baptize you.

I'd love to baptize you. I know a lot of people that would be like, absolutely not. And then it's interesting because the people that are really not Catholic or Christian or whatever, they're so not about it like because i don't believe in that stuff no do not touch me with that water motherfucker don't even bring it funny because it's like you don't even you know you're gonna get bad because you're scared but i thought that's not what i thought on you and i thought it's just silly yeah it's just water it's not you know but like because for what that water means, though.

For those who don't know, fast forward, you're taking on the new covenant with God and Christ. You're saying that no longer am I part of the Old Testament where we must sacrifice animals to get rid of our sins. Jesus Christ is my Savior. I've washed myself of my sins here and now and forever because he is my Lord and savior. And through him, I will be clean. You're making a big decision right then and there and making a statement for sure. For sure. But if someone, if someone who is like, oh, I don't

believe in God, I don't believe in all that. And another person was like, oh, cool. Will you do me the favor and let me baptize you? I'm sure a lot of those people are making this all up but i'm sure a lot of the people would be like oh absolutely not yeah and it's like well let me just put a little bit of you're bright i would assume because why not logically if you don't care why wouldn't you let it but i still there's it's still a lot of weight to the prayers like doing like if you put on like to fill in like the jewish like leather thing or you did like that islam Islamic prayer and it wasn't something that you grew up doing or committed to doing and you were just like doing it as a thing for your buddy. It has like some weight to it. And this comes from a person who's not like that.

And maybe it's just because I walked around all these like cathedrals and churches like in Italy and stuff that are like so crazy and magnificent but i was just thinking about like how just we've been with religion and all that and i'm like there's still there's a lot of weight to doing that stuff if you went down and like literally were on your knees and you know did the the whole thing this is where woody and i really disagree because yo he's not here he's a bitch though right admit it taylor wouldn't admit it before saying oh my god i can be your way with the with the stuff well we will i don't know we'll we'll find a story about demon worship or something and and what he's like sign me up it's just gobbledygook and it's like oh the same way that if taylor found out he was going to be dead in six months, he'd be fucking doing mission work and pray into the Lord.

Um, I will not look, I don't believe, I don't believe, but I don't disbelieve so thoroughly that I'm going to take any risks with demons. Okay. I'm not sure that the,

I'm, I'm sure enough that there is no God that I ain't going to church and I'm, I'm, I'm not going to talk to him unless it's a code red emergency. But. I believe in demons enough that I'm not going to like offer my soul to them and like like I'll say what I would say here joking, like take my soul, dark lord. But what I wouldn't do is like if someone sent me an old book with some Latin in it it i wouldn't be reciting sign it in blood like you're like cut your name here cut your name here and write in in your own blood on this page out of a orthodox bible that you know this and that and the other and then take this stamp and rub the blood

on it and put it there like nah man i'm not nah i don't think so i gotta do it i've seen this movie before like if i buy in that this is real then i'm already buying into playing for the side that is going to lose like why would you oh no that i don't believe so i think that god uh like lied to us i like this theory too this is what i hope happened i hope that satan uh or the morning star as i prefer to call him was the good guy that he wanted mankind to to have all of the abilities of the angels but also the the the the fault hood that man has he wanted us to to be a uh because maybe like what god is is half what we are and half what an angel is. And he split his grace and made two different beings that he could Lord over.

And so if, if, if the angels would come down, if it turned out that, that Satan wanted to give us that power and he was the good guy and that God was the bad guy and the whole Bible and Christian religion or propaganda and and the devil's like no read the truth my son and like so showed us the truth that's the movie i want that's the and that's the reality i want but that's in the bible basically that's the bible like because okay so i bible study background whatever uh

satan tempts eve not with the fruit of life, but with the fruit of knowledge. There's a different, there's two trees in the garden. The first is the fruit of knowledge, and the second is the fruit of life. They give her the fruit of knowledge, and then she immediately realizes, I want the fruit of life. And as she is going toward it with Adam, I believe one of the angels or God say, we absolutely must stop them from eating from the tree of life or they will be immortal like us or something like that. So there is an element of that very much so in the Bible. And even even earlier in like different translations and stuff, Satan, the word Satan primarily meant adversary. He was sort of a devil's advocate in God's court.

It was his job that God gave him specifically to tempt people to test them. Imagine the afterlife, and it's just like a character creates screen, and you're choosing like Horde or Alliance. It's like heaven and hell. You're like, oh, what's going on, though? Like, what's going on there? Damn, hell's got some really cool Hugo Boss suits. I was really hoping you were going to say this.

He talked to St. Michael the Archangel, and he's like, honestly, man, it's pretty similar in a lot of ways. You're like, what do you mean? He's like, it's like the same, just different. I think that Satan probably did it out of jealousy, where he was created. To serve. Yeah, he was created to serve. All the angels were. yeah, he was created to serve. All the angels were. And he pridefully believed, well, it was jealous that the Lord then made humans because he thought you've already perfected creation with us. We're

more impressive in every way than these beings. But they betrayed God and said, no, we're not going to follow you. And so he leaned into the humans. so the way that satan strikes back against god is by corrupting that which god cares most for which is the second movie satan strikes back satan strikes back yeah it's a trilogy much also pretty much accurate that's how that works satan fucks with us just to fuck with god at least according to most theology it's the way he can undermine what god cares about which is why honestly like at the end of the magi the torah end of the torah they're like yeah people aren't buying this shit anymore we need the story's great they love the story but we need a hero and a villain yeah yeah we're gonna need a hero and a villain for part two here

well i mean you got a great villain in Satan, the ultimate villain. Yeah. And you're not going to knock Satan out in the first movie. I'm Jewish, but I don't know. That shit you guys got going on is pretty sick. I became a G.I. Joe collector because I loved Cobra. And I'm like, Satan's like fucking sick Cobra. Angels are pretty cool, too archangels they have like

have you met the devil in balder's gate yet no i haven't but i will try and fuck him he does not be good luck in that i don't think uh but but he's pretty slick with the that's all that's not on brand it seems like he'd be all about that i think his name is rafael uh he'll he'll appear over and over and kind of be a bit adversarial he he really does seem like the christian devil though um he sort of tempts you and takes you to well that's definitely the most common devil yeah yeah well i guess it's the biggest religion so that which is based on hades kind of yeah based on did you guys play the game Dante's Inferno? It was kind of like a... God of War clone, kind of.

Yeah, it was like a God of War clone, but it was really good. I thought it was amazing that you get to cleanse or murder unbaptized babies. They're like one of the key enemies. But you fight Satan as the final boss, and he's like 12 foot tall, and he's got this monster 12-inch dong

that's flopping around in your character's face for the whole fight. He has to be offensive even as he fights. Have you seen the movie? You have to beat him in a rock off. Yes, I think so. There's an animated movie from 2010 called Dante's Inferno. This is made in the same game, by the way. I think this is connected, by the way.

It is. It is. This is a promo a promo for the game yeah and it is sick and that's why the game is like that that story too it's it's cool the book is good too if you want to read the book don't read purgatorio or paradiso they're boring i'm i'm so sucked into balder's gate that that's taking up all of my like free funny silly time i'm i'm loving that game so much i'm gonna play after this i want to know and the reason i'm playing is two things that make that game so addicting for me personally it's i do like the combat now when you set off a big combo and everything gets wasted it is cool it is really To not run in there, like, pressing square or mouse clicking, like, doing combos.

Of course. And it, like, pausing for a second and being like, okay, you run here. You're going to drop this here. It's going to make it slicked in oil. You cast fire on that. And, like, just coming up with this thing and, like, I love that. One thing that I do wish it had, and it's not a big ask at all,

but I played the Alien Dark Descent game recently. Yeah. And that game's fucking amazing. Oh, I'm thinking of Isolation. I haven't played that. Yeah, Isolation's incredible also, but this one's so good. It's like, I would describe it like XCOM or Baldur's Gate.

Oh, it's turn-based. Yes, but yes and no. Like, you can set it to that it pauses whenever you like switch your weapons or whatever but like really your guys are always moving and shooting and and yelling and like you're clicking them around and like whenever they're walking somewhere they'll still target like an enemy so they're moving around while shooting at the aliens and it's all the sounds from the movies and uh it's the action is happening because like one thing that i i i miss after that is like when in that game like you set up like like you could pause it for a second or slow down and then you like set up the four things and then they do it like they do it like in the

timing because sometimes i want to like and you could do this in dungeons dragons and it's so funny like i'm never satisfied you could throw something to someone but i want to throw something to someone and have them like hit it in the air like i want to be able to have like sequence of actions yeah yeah that's just now i'm just asking for too much because i can already fuck a bear in the game yeah i'm getting greedy yeah i am but like i just the alien game is kind of like that like you set up like like four guys to do something like at the same time like it's pretty cool like two guys take out their flamethrowers and like torch like a whole area while two other guys like one guy

throws a flare and like the suppressing fire like and it all happens at the same time um and the game keeps happening and you know it's cool that's really cool actually i watched the trailer while you were talking about it it looks really good i honestly kind of want to play that it's great i i i everyone's like i beat it it was like almost 30 hours to play through the whole campaign and all the secondary objectives and all that and it's a good purchase if you love alien and you're down with that type of game then easy recommendation easy yeah yeah on the topic of retro games they did uh what was it they had an evil dead video game there's a friday the 13th game chainsaw massacre had a beta and amazingly the one i'm excited for not because of this killer clowns from outer space the asymmetrical survival horror game where you play as clowns that hunt humans or as rednecks that try to survive clowns

all right you get two sides to pick from i like yeah i'll fuck with that one i'm kind of tired of the asymmetrical horror yeah that's been going on i really did love dead by what does that mean asymmetrical it's like one person plays as jason and four other people are like running around and have things to do great style of game and i did have a lot of fun with it like ever since even like evolve came out and then predator and i i just i played all of them and i'm just i'm done with it i mean just like battle royales i'm also like i'm just like kind of done with them um and i've been really doing single player lately and there's the the funniest game that i slept on because it was it was cringe at the time and now it's cringe in a fun and funny way it's devil may cry the 2013 bad one that fans don't enjoy

what they did to this character i have never like what you were describing about cut scenes in balder's gate uh kyle saying how you like listening to like everything they're saying like every cut scene i had to see what was being said because it was so this guy is like they made like a tiktok guy somehow like years before tiktok but he's the main character in this devil may cry and like him and his brother like they're just like like they'll do shit like they're competing and he'll be like he'd be like did it faster than you and he's like yeah but my dick's still bigger than yours and it's just like a weird thing for the two characters to say because natural dialogue it's it's like a b movie like one of those movies is so and it's just like a weird thing for the two characters to say because natural dialogue

it's it's like a b movie like one of those movies so bad it's good like twin names there's uh there's action movies with these twin brothers made in like the 80s it sounds like that macamara twins canadian twins yeah they they've got a real case of the not gays which means they're doing everything they can to let the audience know that, hey, we might be here together in the woods with no shirts on, sweatily chopping wood, but here are our babes. They're going to show up in like five minutes. It's bro time for now, though, so chill.

What are you like? Pussy! Like that, and they're talking to each other in the woods. Dude, those movies are hilarious. I saw them on Best of the Worst. Yep, same. I've seen it. I'm such a big Red Letter Media fan. I saw them on Best of the Worst. Yep, same. I've seen it. I'm such a big Red Letter Media fan. I've literally seen every... I went back and just watched everything.

I really like those guys. They do such good shit. Oh, fantastic. Some of the overall best, like most consistent high quality content on YouTube, definitely number one for their genre. They do have some fun behind the scenes. If you go way, way, way, way, way back before YouTube

when they were filming movies at rich evans's grandma's house uh you can see them destroy the entire house and lie to grandma about it being replaced and stuff yeah i want to see uh they made what's the movie they made um something cop space cop yeah i've never actually seen space cop they made an intentionally low budget movie um and it's the sets and some of the effects are better than real bad movies and i think that's part of the allure they're saying because they're always shitting on movies and it's like all right let me just show you what i could do with egg cartons my buddies and a patreon like like i'll do a better job than you and won't even try that hard and then space a lot though we know that that's true no car so that was that the alien alien set

uh is egg cartons on the walls or something someone like that did that job uh it's it's it's uh not alien it's the one james Cameron worked on before. Right before that, the slug that rakes people. Galaxy of Terror. He basically replaced the principal photographer halfway through and started doing his own different shit. And they got McDonald's Big Mac styrofoam containers, put them on the wall and spray painted them. And it just looked like a wall of uniform little square nubs.

Why do I know this? I have way too much spare time. Because we watched the same fucking documentaries and and youtubers tell them this these stories that that's the one where my version is like someone high told it to me while i was high and that's why i had my mutated version yeah that's why whenever taylor's like let me double check that and he's like i don't know about that yeah that's how i know about so many movies is like someone will say a movie title in my real life and i'll be like i'm like i that's the one about and i'm like no kyle's just explained that to me i've never seen that and it's like there's a shocking number of movies that kyle has just

explained i'm almost sure the planet of horror whatever the one he's describing with the the big mac things is the one where the big slug alien rapes the girl at the end and when they were filming that scene they nearly crushed her with the prop and i think there's even some more drama behind it where she wasn't supposed to do nudity yeah that'd pay her extra and it was oh it's really cold she was shivering and freezing and stuff i think she was supposed to do like a shower scene and she like wouldn't do that and they're like all right we'll do the slug rape then and they lied about her age probably in the casting and it was a real low Hollywood shit you guys know how it is with those adrenochrome sucking monsters I skipped that one did you actually watch the movie no no it's I've never seen it is significantly underrated because

the exact same thing that James Cameron does with aliens on the alien world. They do a very good low budget version there. There's like six different monsters because the twist, you guys probably won't see it, is that it turns into whatever you're most afraid of. And it's got this interesting like meta plot. And the emperor was actually on the ship the whole time and all this kind of like it i actually thought it was kind of good it was it was a b movie it was bad in a lot of ways but it had really neat ideas that just kind of weren't quite budget appropriate yeah well i mean the big rafi slug monster might be exhibit a for that but yeah well that's because i mean that's like the

anime ovas it has to hit up a certain level of violence like to sell the movie it has to have a minimum level of violence and a minimum level of nudity and even better if they're together yeah yeah that's for the best i watched that mexican movie or spanish movie a while back where there was a crash landed tentacle monster and everybody was fucking it or letting it fuck them uh what was the name of this movie dude i don't ask um but but i'm gonna google this i think that's enough information for you to be able to find it spanish tentacle sex and and movie um i think that was the one well you guys want to call it oh it's uh the untamed the untamed there you go anybody want

any uh spanish language tentacle porn? The Untamed. Check it out. Watch it tonight. Gentlemen, thank you for coming on and spending the last four hours with us tonight. Sands Woody. Thank you for getting dressed up, Drifter. It was absolutely gut-busting

seeing you come in with that special camera laying down with the clown makeup on that was such a treat that's kyle you got it kyle you got to come on my podcast drift you got to come on my podcast as well absolutely collecting guests for the podcast uh now i know why you guys have a guy messaging i'm very easy to get a hold of through almost any social media emails publicly available i'm there i like doing podcasts like talking let's do it i won't do clown makeup i promise i'm a lot less

crazy than the clown makeup indicates this was just a totally impulsive marginally less crazy oh yeah i agree there you go so harley everybody go to epic mealtime check out binge eater podcast obviously podcast stuff too yeah wherever yeah your podcast favorite podcast stuff is there anywhere else your snapchat harley plays i actually upload a lot there and i get paid so i don't know you might want to be there the time that i show my dick on snapchat accidentally when i'm wasted because i post weird stuff there harley plays on snapchat if you want follow him there and drifter where can everybody find your stuff? It's slash Drifter on pretty much every platform.

I do a lot of TikTok and Twitter. Now YouTube is on vacation until I get this whole, well, you know, this situation a little better sorted. What's the issue? Spine. All right.

That's BKA.