Painkiller Already - PKA 665 W/ VinWiki Christopher Michaels: Huge Bar Tabs, Mexico Finds Alien, Extorted By Indian Mutants

Episode Date: September 16, 2023

pka 665 with our guest christopher michaels taylor this episode of pka brought to you by pharaohdistro.com lock and load and betterhelp.com all wonderful products we'll talk more about later christopher thank you so much for joining us you look you look great i love the hat thanks for having me thanks for having me yeah the hat gets me out of a lot of trouble you'd be surprised how many things you can get away with with a police officer or a train conductor or airline attendant with a cowboy hat on. For some reason, it just makes you not sketchy and gives you some level of earnesty that they let you get away with all kinds of stuff. There's a hardworking guy here. Maybe, you know, maybe we can trust him.

Sir, you said you could fly an airplane, right? Come on up here. We need a little help. Absolutely. The cops take one look at you and they're like, there's Come on up here. We need a little help. The cops take one look at you, and they're like, there's something about this guy I trust a lot. Exactly. Something about his complexion.

Instant trust. It's the opposite of a hoodie. If you got a hoodie on, you were immediately up to no good. The cowboy hat is like, hey, I'm here. I'm not hiding anything. I'm just a good old boy. You're going to let me off the hook. It's like the Jedi mind trick. A cowboy hat is like a

Jedi mind trick. A cowboy hat's very loud. It's a working man's hat, too. I think I literally would trust someone a lot more if they showed up out of the blue talking to me in a cowboy hat. If you showed up in a hoodie, I'd be scared. Exactly. How similar is that hat to the one that I bought?

Well, that's a woman's hat, I think, there, right? I'm just saying. I noticed it comes in pink. Woody, stop wearing women's hats. You're not the boss of me. Stop cross-dressing. He's cross-dressing. Yeah, I guarantee that Chris's hat is much...

I would imagine Chris's hat is authentic. Probably got it from a dealer on the side of the road in Arizona. This particular one came from a truck stop, but my good hat is a Stetson. I'm a Stetson man when it comes to my dress hats, my Sunday hat. But for the shop hats, the ones I'm going to sit on or lose on an airplane, good old truck stop hat's the way to go. That's smart. You don't want to lose your stats.

Someday I hope to be a man of means enough to have a Sunday hat. Exactly. Bro, you can't get a hat? I spend all my money on drinking man of means water, Topo Chico. Well, I'm going to get you

a Sunday hat. That's a terribly low aspiration. The only reason I haven't jumped back into church is I feel foolish without a Sunday hat. Oh, fuck, I'm getting you a Sunday hat. Get you a good $20 Sunday hat. Oh, speaking of incredible hats, I saw a video on your channel that I wanted to ask about right away. I wrote it down. So you apparently had a

bit of a run in a while back with the KKK. Oh, yeah. And I want to know about that. How did that happen? I didn't know they were still mucking about. I thought they were kind of anachronistic. Oh, no, no. They're unfortunately still around. Now, granted, that story happened 33 years ago. So, you know, this was several decades back, but yeah, I was in high school and yeah, I had this old hoopty. It was a 63 Buick Sabre. I'd lowered it a couple inches, you know, white wall tires, had some subwoofers in the back, you know, as a 16 year old does. I'm driving home one day and I lived in this tiny little town and, you know, as a 16 year old does. I'm driving home one day and I lived

in this tiny little town and, you know, the Klan still was around back then. And again, this is very, this has happened in 1990. So, you know, the Klan was still around and I had one nothing to do with that. I mean, I was very fortunate to grow up in a house where racism did not exist. And that's certainly nothing in my heart at all but i'm driving home and i get to one of our uh many four-way stop signs we had out in the country and sure enough there they were taking up money now i guess legally or whatever not to scare people too much they didn't have like the full hoods on they had like the little things flipped up yeah but they were taking up money like casual kkk casual yeah casual friday kkk and it was like you know like when

like when the shriners will like take up money like for burn kids stuff like that guys with the fed it's like that they're just walking that the line so i see these guys and i'm just like i can't stand these people so you know i'm we're kind of everybody's taking their turn up towards the four-way stop and you know one of these guys sees me and he's got a little buck and he sees me i'm just a white kid an old car and he kind of holds a bucket up you know you know bucket you know, one of these guys sees me and he's got his little bucket and he sees me. I'm just a white kid in an old car and he kind of holds the bucket up, you know, you know, bucket, you know, and I was like, I kind of just shook my head no. And he was like, you know, bucket boy. And I was like, you know, bucket boy.

And he's kind of approaching my car and I took my hand. I was like, you know, you and I flipped him off and he kicked my car. And, you know, and I was real proud of this car. It wasn't a nice car. I paid $300 for it, but it was mine. And you don't kick my car. I'm first in line now at the four-way stop anyway. So he kicks my car, and I just mash the gas.

The car had a 345 V8 in it, about, I don't know, a couple hundred horsepower, enough. You know, lights up the tires, rear end kind of steps out. And the Buicks had the wing mirrors on the Buick kind of set a little forward of the windshield kind of out on the sides. It had those big old white KKK pajamas on it, snagged his sleeve as I went past and just cartwheeled his ass down the side of the car. I got a fishtail through the intersection. I look back in the mirror, he's all laying in the ground, you know,

I didn't hit him. His friends were helping him out, you know, knocked a little pointy hat off and stuff. And, you know, as a 16 year old, you don't really understand the permanence of the things that you do so you know i think oh you guys are what a bunch of assholes i go home i don't think about it not thinking that i'm in a town of 1200 people with a lowered 1963 buett le sabre and primer it's not like they're not gonna see me again and sure enough that happens

on like i don't know monday tuesday something like that fr Friday that weekend, I dropped the car off at this little radiator shop. They're going to blow out the radiator because that's what you had to do with old cars back then. And, you know, car sits there all weekend. I go pick it up on Monday after school. I get in the car. I kind of take a right out of the parking lot. I get up to speed. You know, something's not right.

I mean, that car drove like a cloud. So steering wheel's kind of wobbly something's not going right as i go to put the brakes on the wheel just spins in my hand goes full lock right i go off the road hit a telephone pole so centered i couldn't have done it if i tried totals a car knocks much my teeth out break some you know jam my ankles broke a couple of bones knock my teeth out total my car They got you. Oh, they got me good. So, of course, at the moment, I don't understand what's going on. I'm confused. I'm a 16-year-old kid.

My car just had a life of its own. Well, there was a fellow at my church who drove a tow truck. He just happens to come along the scene because, of course, again, it's a town of 1,200 people. We all see each other every day. As he's pulling my car off the telephone pole, you know, I'm, of course, over there sitting in a police car, you know, blood everywhere. They're yelling at me for reckless driving. And I was like, know, I'm, of course, over there sitting in a police car, you know, blood everywhere. They're yelling at me for reckless driving. And I was like, man, I wasn't reckless driving at the moment.

I mean, last, you know, last week I was, but not this time. And Carl motions me over. He's like, come over here. And I walk over and somebody had hacksawed through my tie rod all but about the last maybe quarter inch. And they had just hacksawed through the tie rod on that car. And, you know, and again, I'm 16. It's not like not like you know i didn't let somebody cheat off me on a science test they're gonna kill me it was obviously the clan did that yeah so yeah the guys in the pointy hat told him i'm 30 years later i'm still trying to find another one oh those bastards yeah i've never heard a good thing about them you know i mean as mean, as I kind of said in the Van Wiggy story, you know, my shoulders are not burdened with racism in any way.

But this guy's narrow shoulders were. And I don't understand what motivates people to participate in that kind of thing. I mean, you know, most of the people that I knew of were in the K We're the last people that should be feeling superior to anybody. You know, you're smoking meth, sleeping with your sister, drinking PBR behind your trailer in a background full of cops. You just put your finger on it, right? You totally just put your finger on why they exist. It was a group of poor whites. I'm talking about when it proliferated, when it got crazy and there were lynchings and stuff. It's a bunch of poor whites who were like, wait a minute. We were always at least a rung above somebody around here. And all

of a sudden you're telling us that now we're at the bottom. It's like that episode where Cartman became the poorest kid because he was only one rung above Kenny. And now he's the poorest and it's just destroying him. That's what it's all about. It's when black people got civil rights, got started treating better, got a little money. Oh, no, they can't stand that. We got to organize. We've got to get things back to the good old days. We got to make the South great again. You know, that's the whole thing. Yeah. And, you know, and I just never want anything to do with that. But they existed. And, you know, in modern times, hopefully that sort of thing is doing it in a way I hadn't heard much out of them in a long time.

So hopefully that sort of thing and those attitudes are going away. But back in the day, man, it was, you know, living in the South back in the 80s and 90s. It was still a while, you know, it was still wild times back then. Would they ever wear stuff around like, oh, fuck, I'm not going to have time to grab stuff for dinner after my meeting. I'm going to have to go to the store in my robes casually. Like, did you ever see him out and about, not in meetings? There we go. We got you back.

No audio. We lost your audio. Yeah, you may have to refresh. You may have to refresh it. I would imagine that there had to be circumstances like that like that in like the 20s, 30, like especially back when it was like just a social club where you'd see someone in KKK garb. But like with their just regular face out picking up a rotisserie chicken and rice. See, I think long before it was something to be ashamed of it was something to be secretive about you know because it's the cool kids club because it wasn't the dregs it was it was probably

going to be the local business owners and stuff right and like the mayor's probably going to be the sheriff's there right everybody's there um so i i think it's more of like the masons or the moose club or whatever the club i mean you know, one of those one of those little modern day secret societies that we all just. Oh, yeah, that's where they meet. Oh, look, let's go to McDonald's. No, I want Arby's. We just forget there's a secret society in every fucking town. I want to be a member of a secret society.

Go join the Masons or something. I knew a couple of Masons. I knew some and I had a problem with one and another was like don't worry i'm in the masons with him i'll talk i'll put in a word and i was like all right fix the whole thing it was like a word from this guy really the whole little altercation yeah there's a mailbox that had been like hit by a car and there was some who's gonna pay for this thing i didn't do anything wrong by the way i was I was just a third party. The Masons fixed it. They probably sacrificed babies too.

See, if they're doing that, I'm going to have to say no thanks. If they're using demonic powers... They make you... There are some rituals they do. You're going to go in there and hold some scales up or something, blindfolded, and recite some chants or something, maybe some old- timey sayings that they have,

like some, some weird old timey Mason, something in Latin. Yeah. I would hope. There we go. Sorry about that. Or Greek.

You're good, Chris. Uh, I was, yeah. So somebody called me. I was like, y'all stop calling.

I'm on a podcast. They're like, call us when it's done. I'm like, stop. So, uh, did you ever have any other run-ins in that town with the KKK where you were just driving by at night, maybe after a party, and you're like, there are those fellas burning across again?

Or was that the main run-in? No, that was my main run-in. I mean, they were around, and of course, I had friends who had relatives and people who were in it. I mean, they certainly appeared here and there, but no, that was my only run-in, thankfully. There's people who were in it. I mean, they certainly appeared here and there. But now that was my only run in. Thankfully, you know, there was a we had a we had one of the administrators at my school that was pretty heavy into them. And now that got that was pretty screwy. We had some race fights and stuff like that. My senior year of high school and that wasn't real good. But, you know, I joined the African-American Student Club in protest, as did a bunch of us. And, you know, it was quickly weeded out, the people who were involved in that sort of thing.

But now, fortunately, that blew over and I moved off to Athens, Georgia to go to the University of Georgia. And that was a that was like a new age for me. It was suddenly I was in a town full of cool, open minded people that all that stuff went away. So I never looked back. Athens is great great i grew up um like right near there franklin county georgia so oh yeah 40 minutes northeast of there but woody's familiar with lake hartwell he goes down there and parasails on the lake sometimes right on i've gone water skiing on lake hartwell at night before that was pretty entertaining

wow can you see water's black. It's full of mercury from that battery plant in Clemson, too. Allegedly. There's a battery plant in Clemson leaking into the lake? That particular cancer cluster had nothing to do with Energizer's plant, okay?

Exactly. When the DNR is like, do not eat one fish out of Lake Hartwell every five years or something like that yeah i was like that's right it's all right someone told me once and it was a redneck that told me so he's just making it up probably but that there's places where there's pools of mercury at the bottom of the lake just sitting there like really well it can't be right that sounds insane is that how mercury works yeah that's how mercury works it would sit there i mean that's that's how it works i mean man i don't know i mean i don't i don't know how it would get washed and collected

down that far like down the lake that far yeah i mean that's how it would appear i wouldn't be surprised but there's all kind of wives tales about that like i know um there's supposedly a lot of structures underneath it in places where they flooded valleys so there's there are structures under there i've heard that too yeah yeah i lived on a lake lanier over in the center of georgia for a while and yeah there's a racetrack and a couple of towns down there all kind of stuff they came in when this in the 60s when the corps of engineers built those lakes and they just bought everybody out there's cemeteries down there. I had a boat for a while with a pretty good depth finder

and you could actually see the structure sometimes. You go over and you can see buildings and bridges and all kinds of stuff down there. It was crazy. That's cool. And then I know for a fact people have caught piranha out of there, but that doesn't mean it. People like piranhas or sharks or something,

but one piranha in the lake is just an aberration. Well, there's never one. Yeah. So I actually learned something about piranhas today, and you probably already know that piranhas aren't the nightmare villain that they are in movies. You jump in the river, they're not going to turn you to a skeleton. They don't do that.

But in some circumstances, apparently, in certain circumstances, the jungle will eat a small pond or lake. Literally, it'll it'll the the the undergrowth keeps encroaching into the water and slowly absorbing that body of water. And all the life in it turns into just piranhas because they're the apex predator down there. They eat everything else until all you have is starving piranhas who have been eating their week for who knows how long. And so the water's getting smaller and smaller so they're more and more concentrated. They're starving

and if you fall in there they will turn you into a skeleton. Yeah, piranhas are a problem. I don't know. I don't know a lot of people that have been hurt by them. So I keep fish, and I've been around fish since the 90s.

This is like fresh in saltwater aquariums. YouTube knows this, so it feeds me piranha feeding videos all the time. You put a dead mouse in an aquarium, whoa. They just attack like a feeding frenzy. And it makes me think that if a person were to jump in on a larger scale, that you'd have a similar thing. But I don't know of any people who've been eaten like that. Yeah, my YouTube will be okay.

But unless you find that scary little pond at the jungle lake and you fall in there, that's a perfect horror movie. That's a perfect horror movie. Have it be all about an area where that happens. Avoiding a small pond? Well, okay. Like, maybe there's a lot of them, and we can't see them or something, Taylor. Just go with it.

I found a scary monster in the wild. Okay. Yeah, I've been down to some jungles in South America before, and every time I see the water, that's the first thing I think of is, like, man, piranhas. Which, obviously not. There's kids and cattle and all kind of people in those lakes and rivers all the time but yeah it crosses your mind yeah but same thing you know it's like imagination i mean it's like snorkeling or diving in the ocean i mean you know you're in the same body of water some big ass shark out there

you just got to run the numbers and assume they're not gonna be right where you are there's a scarier freshwater fish than the piranha. The Candiru. C-A-N-D-I-R-U. Do you guys know this one? Yes. It swims up your dick and hurts you and you have to have it surgically removed. It has barbs that face backwards. It's up your urethra and if you wanted

to pull it out, it'd be like pulling a barbed arrow out of your pee hole. It's absurd. I did not expect everyone else to know about this fish. I thought I had a unique thing. We're men. We hear it once and we're forever afraid. I'm not afraid of that catfish in the least. I'll donkey kong him.

But one of those urethra creepers scares the shit out of me. That's it. I'm less afraid of big things. Like a big creature. If you get thrown in the jungle, they'll like oh one of those big cats or whatever gets one of those panthers or whatever they have down there those big cats leopard whatever it is well i don't know how many are there like let's keep a lookout for them right we'll see them coming they're 100 pounds that little fucker we're not gonna see

him coming he's gonna be right up your pee hole this game feels good at first yeah he might you might you're right it would make sense like uh evolutionary why is there an evolutionary me they're not looking to feel good for for you to invite they'll be like you know what this i don't remember exactly what their life process normally is but i don't think they're searching for pee holes to get in they think you're something else when leeches bite you and suck your skin don't they have some like anesthesia like localized anesthesia so it doesn't hurt and anticoagulant to keep the blood from clotting mosquitoes do too though and they suck yeah well i'm not saying they're good i'm saying that evolutionarily if that's a word they're good it makes sense for them to have that little local anesthesia.

And it makes sense for this penis fish to be able to do that in a way that's either fun or pleasurable. I don't think it's looking for dicks, Woody, again. I think it's looking for something else. I mean, I know there's some fetishes out there, and maybe that's a whole level of tourism, but I got a friend of mine that owns an adult store, and they sell all those like rubber

suits and underwear and stuff and if I ever am going to go swimming and out into Amazon I think I'm going to get me the tightest pair of solid silicone drawers I could find to make sure nothing is getting up the leg of those shorts at least wear a condom oh yeah like a condom in a

rubber band so it can't come off I'm going gonna go full i'm gonna get my dick falls off triple down on my blue chew to make sure the condom stays on oh man what a terrible fish that is man the first guy who dealt with that everybody must have called him a liar my dick hole and there's like ted jumped in the water and he's freaking out yeah look at it this is the same story he told yesterday and the day before the day before yeah we're not we're not falling for it anymore dying from one of those big snakes down there would be pretty pretty nightmarish as well i've seen a bunch of those things where they attacked

people um but one guy got bit in the arm and it caught an artery or something. It caught some big blood vessel of some kind. And he nearly bled out just from the bite because they've got big fucking teeth. When he had its head, he was on Rogan. He's like, this is the one. He's got its head. This is the one that bit me. And this is the one that nearly killed me.

So he won. It was like way, way bigger than you think a snake's head could ever be. Like way too big for a fucking snake's head could ever be. Like way too big for a fucking snake's head, man. It's like a small dog or something. Dude, if a python or anaconda gets you, I feel like you know you're going to die with a lot of lead time. Like there's a lot of screaming.

You just need a knife. Yeah. There's some like crazy theory. Like you're supposed to like relax so it doesn't squeeze you too hard. Then let it start eating your feet. Then when it gets to your waist, you're supposed to cut the inner part of its tendons or its mouth. There's some crazy thing of just relax. I don't think I could do it. I had a friend that was into snakes.

This is the worst idea. I know. That's a lot of faith. You want to wait until you've been fully swallowed. Once your weight's deep into a snake. Then explode. The snake is going to expect a guy resisting. Look at that shit.

Oh, there he is. Wow. Jesus. Yeah, that's a scary snake head. I had a friend of mine that had a 16-foot, I guess it was a python or something. And that snake ate chickens and rabbits. And it would like sit ahead, like a whole room it lived in.

It would sit up and could pretty much sit up like eye level and just stare you down. And like, I mean, we've all been around snakes. I mean, there's snakes look at you, but this snake made like eye contact. Like he was sizing you up. I never was, I was never comfortable in that house. That house is two roommates, friends of mine who are roommates. They had 30, 40 snakes of all kinds, 10-foot snake, 16-foot snake, a bunch of poisonous snakes, a whole

bunch of tarantulas, a two-year-old boy, and a cat. When you went over there, the cat would just lean on your legs like, take me with you. I wanted to kill that cat. the cat would just be like please please just i promise i'm gonna eat much just get me out of this damn house with all these scary things and the two-year-old that poor cat man that cat was just like like hollow eyed he had like that

vietnam chopper pilot look like he'd seen too much you know that poor cat what a horrible existence for the cat i'm actually pretty scared of snakes i didn't like like not not the it's not like i see a rat snake or something i'm afraid of him i'll pick him up but but being in texas and seeing those real rattlesnakes and understanding how big a rattlesnake is compared to the bullshit that we've got in georgia man i'm afraid of those things its head is so wide. And like the way it articulates its jaw, the guy we were hanging out with out there, he had a pet one and it was so big around.

And it was just, you know, it's all muscle. And it's like, dude, he's got as much muscle there as like a big strong man does in his arm. And that's not even what he does. That's a rattlesnake. He'll kill me if he bites me. Do you have copperheads? They say we do, and I'm sure we do.

But, man, there were just never any on my dad's property. There's a creek and ponds there. Actually, yeah, we'd see them in the water sometimes, but we'd shoot them quick. Maybe we just killed them all out because every time we'd see one, we'd 22 pistol and just pop him. Yeah, we had a lot of water moccasins around in North Georgia where I was. Copperheads were the most common. Rattlesnakes were relatively rare because rattlesnakes are kind of shy.

Rattlesnake is way higher up the evolutionary chain than a copperhead or a water moccasin. Rattlesnake, they can control whether they inject venom or not, whereas a copperhead or water moccasin, it's just like a sy syringe uh rattlesnake can actually control it because they have a much more elaborate hemotoxin neurotoxin blend and they cannot regenerate that very quickly so if they were to waste too much of that venom on defense for example they may starve to death before they can you know tag a rabbit or a field mouse or whatever whereas a copperhead or water moccasin they're just making it all day they will just bite you non-stop so rattlesnakes tend to be pretty shy staying away from people but copperheads and water moccasin they're just making it all day they will just bite you non-stop so rattlesnakes tend to be pretty shy staying away from people but copperheads and water moccasins will just come look for you for the fun of it it seems sometimes and they were they were pretty rough

but you know ed boley and my friend who runs vin wiki uh up until just recently uh he had this really really sweet snake named sunny she was about an 11 foot i think he's called a banana uh boa constrictor i guess kind of a white yellow and and and i and i don't make this up she was about an 11 foot i think he's called a banana uh boa constrictor i guess kind of a white yellow and and and i and i don't make this up she was like the sweetest natured snake i've ever been around like like sometimes even like your friends got like a pet snake you know they'll kind of they'll kind of sit sort of coil back and just kind of wait check out the scene they look like they might like strike out and tag you or something but sunny was just like always just kind of cruising around she never stopped moving she never paused or gave you that feeling like

she was thinking about sizing you up or wrapping on you yeah she was just in and out around you licking in your ear just cruising around just meet people she was literally like the sweetest snake and you know he'd post pictures of his kids you know with the snake and everybody's like oh my god you're risking it but that snake was so mellow and just so well fed and so well accustomed to people he'd had her since she was the size of a what happened to her probably oh she just passed away eventually she had a cancer actually but um but she lived uh 12 13 years i think i can't remember exactly how old she was but anyway just a really sweet natured snake and uh one of the few snakes i've ever been around that i was never a little leery of. She was just super cool.

And I was real sad that she finally passed. The eye contact. It's weird. But that snake's eyes are so scary. And I don't think he was looking at my eyes. But he was just looking at me. He was definitely looking at me. He was looking at me.

And I'm looking at him. And it's like, he knows I'm here and he wants to kill me. That's so fucking clear right now. He doesn't need to be able to talk for us to get that across. Cause he's given me the, he's just like growling. If snakes could growl his tail. Oh yeah.

And the plan was for me to handle it on video. So they're like, this is the snake you'll be handling tomorrow. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. Good thing we didn't like bitch out and get a little one. Huh?

I like, I like that. You guys like, are we going to shake him up, make him good and mean like this tomorrow, too? Like, what the fuck is going on, guys? Why is he so angry? Did you keep telling me that I've been talking shit, like hyping him up for this? And that night in the hotel, I had a nightmare about the next day that it bit me right here, like sort of between your thumb and your forefinger, you know, the back of your hand. And that I lost that that part of my hand that i like that it like rotted out and i lost it that'd be cool and the next day i was like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna fuck with the snake i'm

not handling the snake just so everybody knows yes i have pussied out no i will not be yeah i've done the same thing man yeah i don't don't mess around that kind of stuff if you have a dream about something like that like look i don't believe in magic and horse shit and anything like that but i'll tell you my cousin dreamt that uh they were jumping off this quarry into water they're doing it regularly he had a dream that you know somebody died he's like you know i don't feel like going today i dreamt somebody died he said this to us me and my dad were sitting there he's like yeah don't feel like going today. I dreamt somebody died. He said this to us. Me and my dad were sitting there. He's like, yeah, don't go there. That shit's dangerous. We've been telling you. Kid died that day. Kid died that day. Oh, wow. You know, fell in there, hit his head with some water,

drowned. Yeah, at the quarry. What's it related? No, heart attack. He was just having a picnic at the quarry. He jumped in his head and fucking drowned, dude. You jump in quarries and shit and shit yeah don't jump in quarries they're full of rocks there's no way i was gonna tempt fate that hardcore and and grab that fucking thing that's evolved for the last 80 million years to destroy me they're so scary to look at emotionlessly too that's what i would be nervous about a snake because it can be cool forever and then just not be like i saw this online photo this was a few years ago but it

was some viral picture someone probably put on twitter and it was like a snake owner who was like my snake is the sweetest constrictor around every day she lines up and lays right next to my son my three-year-old and would never mess with and someone like most comments were like oh what a gentle creature and one person was like hey i don't want to rain on your parade. It's doing that every day to see at what point it can consume your child. It's laying next to it to see how much longer it needs to get. Like apparently they do that. They will like line themselves up to something long ways to see if they are able to consume that.

And so if you're ever laying on the ground and an enormous snake slithers up next to you, don't assume benevolence. Cuddles. Not cuddles. I promised them. It's spooning! It's spooned? It's spooning me. It's spooning me hard. It's forking me now! It's forking

me! Yeah, that would be a horrible way to go. I'd rather get actually, no, it probably takes a long time to die from the venom too unless you get real they're not venomous they know i mean i was going to compare the constrictor death to the venom death and but it's not like a venom death is going to be real quick right it's yeah i mean some of those like those bushmasters and some of those snakes like like i was in india one time and they told us to like always check your toilet for cobras before you get and you know and i mean

a toilet cobra sounds like a joke i made my buddy travis bell and i have a joke about a toilet cobra that's something entirely different yeah but apparently at some point the cobras in the cities were getting really bad there so the government issued like a bounty on dead cobras. So what people started doing was like catching cobras. But instead of turning them in, they were breeding them at home, making more cobras and then turning all those cobras into the bounty. The government figured out what was up. Then everybody's like, all right, well, I'm not keeping these cobras around. So they let them go.

Now there's like 20 times more cobras than there were before. And they apparently come up to pipes and we'll be like in your toilet. And like, they're like, don't just pop the lid and sit out. Cause there could be a Cobra in your toilet. I was like, this is not the country for me.

Yeah. You're in India. Like you're going to be spending some time on the toilet. That's I would imagine. One of my favorite scary movie moments. Cause in every scary movie when some crazy shit like that happens, or when someone tells the character, hey, check the

toilet at night for cobras, and check the attic for ghouls, just so you know, good night. And the person will be like, shake it off, and be like, well, we're still staying. In the movie Event Horizon, they see this horrible recording on the computer of how the previous people on the ship had been tortured to death, and Lawrence Fishburne goes, we're leaving.

There's no talking about it. We're leaving. They all start moving right then. Like, we're going home. Cobras in the toilet might be a go-home kind of moment for me, especially if I found one in my toilet. Yeah, and for the record, I did not find any cobras near my toilet, nor did I even see a cobra other than, than like one in the market that the guy was

playing with that I'm sure had been defanged or something. But yeah, just the concept of toilet Cobra or like, or you're just like thinking like, all right, well, if I am in here for more than 90 seconds, like,

like I need to get out here fast. What if a Cobra shows up while I'm using the toilet? Like, yeah, there's just cannot be enough time. Yeah. It was a terrible timing for both of you. exactly was that india yeah yeah i mean that was the cobra's worst day ever isn't that interesting yeah yeah i was uh it's the same thing similar thing i was in vietnam one time

and i was kind of hiking around on this river i was looking for some airheads or whatever just kind of poking around and this lady was out like 10 into her fields. And the only word I guess she knew in English was Cobra. And I see her like waving her arms and she's just yelling, pointing me like Cobra. And I was like, Oh, all you got to say. I was back out of there. Yeah. There is, there's some scary animals on this planet, but Cobras are right up at the very top for me, man. I was,

for being afraid of cobras, I've ended up in a lot of places with cobras, but thankfully I've not had a run in. Dan, you've been to a lot of snake-rich countries. I have, I have. It's kind of like why going to Alaska is great, because there's no snakes. Yeah.

Mosquitoes, though, right? Man, there's some mosquitoes up there wearing tank tops and flip-flops man i mean you could hear them coming man they're they're something else they're not as aggressive as like southern mosquitoes though i will say like mosquitoes down in the south the ones in alaska they're cruising around but they don't really land on you and bite you as much as you think so they're not too bad do you hunt at all with all that what do you we haven't even touched on it what are you doing when you're in all of these third world fucking snake countries what what

like what are you doing i'm just i'm just just traveling and experiencing you know just road trips uh i love getting road trips i've taken road trips in 59 countries and 49 states arctic circle in four countries every hemisphere i just like to get on the road and see man just to check it out so it's just a curiosity thing for me that was pretty dope until you got to every hemisphere because there's not that many well there's four i mean you know yeah north south east west but uh yeah just getting out there and seeing it you know just experiencing people seeing things that inspire my art or just somewhere i want to go back to just did a really cool trip up to alaska with a couple buddies of mine i was scouting out for that sway expedition that ed and those guys did just a couple weeks ago and i mean alaska is great we

went up there last year to throw cars off a cliff. You've probably seen that thing in a little town called Glacier View where on the 4th of July, because the sun doesn't go down, they just started shooting cars off of cliffs because their fireworks kind of sucked in the broad daylight. So, you know, they they dragged cars out of the junkyard, brick accelerator, tied to steering wheels. Somebody reaches in, slaps it and drive. And the whole town is just sitting in folding chairs at the bottom of this 40-story cliff and they shoot them off so we saw that it's a couple of my cannonball buddies and we were like man that sounds fun let's do that so we got junk cars down in the lower 48 all met in reno and then just caravan them up there and launched them and then i had two buddies of mine a couple weeks ago until months ago i guess i'd just gotten back from the hot wheels show which i filmed over in the uk so i just got back from that and my buddy david and buddy bradley

called me up they're like we got an 84 suburban with an 800 horsepower ls in it we want to go to alaska drag week we want to go via key west and drive as far as you can drive to get there are you in and i'm like you got me let's go so we just piled in this Suburban, drove it from Atlanta to Key West, turned around, drove it all the way to Prudhoe Bay, Alaska, then did a full lap around Alaska, just made some friends, hung out with some friends and just having adventures, man. And, you know, just kind of sleeping in the car, living on the road and save up, get a hotel room every few days and just kind of make it up as we go and did that and kind of scouted out a route plan. And I've been working with, you know ed and i from vinwick you've been working

with this company sway for a couple years now uh we were working on a pan america drive from fruto bay alaska down to ushuaia argentina but you know which is is that the furthest north and furthest south that you can do yes yeah that is, that is it. And the route we were going to be is going to be about 19,000 miles through 15 countries. Yeah. So we're working on that. We got some cars set up for it, some really cool Porsche Cayennes. Got them all tricked out. But, you know, with COVID at first, you know, the borders weren't open.

And then about that time, there was a monsoon season. It was extra bad down in Columbia. Part of the road washed out in columbia in uh costa rica i think in nicaragua somewhere anyway like the road is not passable so we kind of were the stalemate with that so uh sway is sway's a neat company sway uh they are kind of a research and development firm out in montana they experiment with all this crazy like carbon fiber kind of unobtainium stuff. They deal with robotics,

with all this really cutting edge stuff. And they've got an interest in motorsport. So we had partnered up with them to take the trip. And since the road was closed, they were like, all right, let's just do something cool. So we just took four cars and met up there a few weeks ago with their open house and just kind of took off in four different directions.

And I had just been to Alaska. So I grabbed a camera guy, my buddy, ben stevenson and we went down through southwest and had some folks headed up to alaska and just getting out there and just shooting some footage and keeping sponsors excited and did that and they've been a great company to work with but they're part of what makes some of these adventures possible and i've been really lucky to work with them that's awesome it just sounds like you're traveling the world having a good time and making it up as you go along. That sounds really fun. It's been cool. You know, and I don't, I mean, for a living, I do artwork. So I just, you know, I kind of squeeze this in between making a living. I don't, I don't have kids. Do you have a link where we can look at

your artwork? Cause I'm so curious now. I was in my head. I was like, all right, make sure later you look at the cars thrown off the cliff in Alaska. I'm like made a check mark in my head, but I can't wait to see your art. I need to see it now. I need to see what you're taking out. All right. If you go to Christopher Michaels art on Instagram and you'll have to kind of scroll down through all the Hot Wheels show stuff and some of this Sway Expedition idea. But there's some of my sculptures and paintings and stuff a little further down. Yeah. Pop that up on the screen, Zach, if you don't mind, so we can take a look at it. So you're the, all the car stuff is just for fun for you. You'd. I mean, in a way, yes. I mean, from a social media standpoint, I mean,

I'm trying to turn it into an income stream, but, uh, as an experience, it's just been fun. I mean, all of my friends do cannonball stuff and build Hot Wheels and do custom cars. And let's see, those are just some random pictures. Uh, yeah, All of my friends do cannonball stuff and build Hot Wheels and do custom cars. Let's see. Those are just some random pictures. Yeah, a lot of this Hot Wheels show. That was a lot of fun.

There we go. So that's a – let's see. You've got the black car there. That's a painting I did of ZZ Top's Kadzilla. That kind of mushroom cloud there for that Audi, that is a trophy I made for the Amelia Island Concours. Is that car in the Just Man video? I'm sorry? Yes, that is a trophy I made for the Amelia Island concours. Is that car in the man video? I'm sorry. Yes, that is it. As it Kadzilla. And actually I went to the Peterson vault just last week and got to see that

car in person for the first time. It was really, I didn't know. I didn't think it was real. It doesn't look real in the, in the, in the video. Yeah, it is very, very real. Um, that, uh, that zombie book cover that was on the New York bestseller list. My buddy David Simpson wrote that zombie road book, and I did a cover for him there. Then you got just some logos and stuff, kind of motorsport world logos and things I do.

What's that straight line of rocks? Because I want to believe it's in South America where you can see those patterns from the sky. That is in Scotland. That's about probably probably a 1300 year old sheet fence in scotland that i it was well never mind though but not even close cool too not even close yeah it was it was fun and uh not even hadrian's wall or something no yeah that was my second guess there you go but uh yeah thanks ain't look so most of my artwork has all been

motorsport related just just car related. I've been a car kid. I mean, from the moment I was born, I loved cars and engines. I've built my whole career about designing cars, building cars, doing artwork of cars, making artwork out of car parts. I tell stories about cars on the internet. I take road trips in cars. I race cars like literally every part of my world all of my friends are car

people that's just what i do do you like i think the cars i'm sorry do you like electric cars electric vehicles i find a lot of car people don't you know um mechanically i'm very impressed with them i just the other day i delivered one of those porsches i handed that off to the jr garage guys and i was kind of running late i need to the airport. And they put me in one of those like Tesla plaids. And holy crap. I mean, as somebody who grew up drag racing and, you know, the work and effort it takes to get a car to do an eight-second quarter mile and to get in something that just whooshes you along like you're outside of a cannon.

I mean, the performance of them is incredible. I don't feel it like an emotional standpoint. I just don't get connected to them. I mean, they're amazing, but, you know, I don't feel like they're necessarily the solution to ecological problems because, you know, the amount of, you know, energy it takes to bring not only a new car to market, but to power an electric car, I don't feel like that's really breaking even in regards to an ecological standpoint. And, you know, I just, I just like old cars, you know, I've got an 82 Lincoln and an old Scout and an old clunky Dodge truck and a bunch of Harleys. And I like cars that just, and engine bikes that make noise and shake and rattle and roll and

electric cars are amazing, but they just don't, they don't touch me emotionally like I want a car to do. I'm sure there's one that does it, but I've always wondered why I didn't see it more. But I would want my Tesla to make noise like a loud car. I want it to sound like it's got exhaust. And when I hit the exhaust, that would be hilarious. If that thing sat there like it had a fucking... You should pump that through the speakers. Fucking Elon made fart mode, but not that.

Come on. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Fucking Elon made fart mode, but not that. Come on. Oh, yeah. You could just collect. You could feel it one day. You feel like an old Ferrari V8. Different day, you could have a 383 stroker. You could just click it, whatever car you felt like at the day. You could just run anything you wanted.

Listen to a turbo vet or a naturally aspirated old coyote motor, anything you wanted. Yeah. I had a Trans Am with a 383 stroker in it. We used to go to Commerce, you know, where they have the drag strip up there. Oh yeah. I've raced many, many nights at Commerce. I love that smell. I love the smell of that place. It's like, it's one of those smells that, what is it? Oh, factory memory or whatever.

Yeah. It triggers those memories from a long time ago that you couldn't have accessed as vividly without the smell if i smell that rubber that high octane gasoline and that smoke exhaust like oh yeah i remember that night you know yeah supposedly olfactory memories are most powerful ones uh as a species but uh but you know, though, that drag strip is now gone, man. They closed it. How long ago did they do that?

I hadn't been in years. About within the last year, I believe. The fellow that owned it passed away, and his kids didn't care about it, so they sold it to some cold storage place, and they've already leveled it, and they're building a big cold storage there. So Atlanta Dragway is gone however they are supposedly going to make another one down in uh down where atlanta motor speedway is okay then they're kind of south of it yeah down in

griven area so supposedly there will be another big top fuel level track in georgia but unfortunately commerce speedway is gone man that was the institution dude it was so cool that i don't know why they called atlanta because it's two fucking hours from atlanta yeah your commerce is like where i'm from it's almost it's way closer to being south carolina than it is to being in atlanta you know yeah i guess just for the purpose of you know nhra you know whether it was the winter nationals or whatever it was, they, they did down there. Like, you know, I guess if you live in Colorado or Seattle or somewhere like that, Atlanta, it's all close enough. I guess they got better.

Again, they got better marketing, the commerce speedway, maybe. I didn't even, I didn't know it was called that. Like I had been there a bunch of times I'd driven there. I didn't even know it was called that because it was just the racetrack. That's what it was called at that. Because Atlanta would have seemed silly to me there. Yeah, you're right. It's a shame they tore it down.

I wanted to go out there and dig up a chunk of asphalt or something from the start line or something. That rubber is so goddamn thick. If you could get a side, it would look like sedimentary rock or whatever. That would have been cool uh well all that traveling around the world i imagine you run into a lot of

women and uh and i'm how many times have you been married i'll only get in that i i i'm a romantic and i fall in love easily let's just put it that way. Okay. Yeah, but... Now you make me wonder. What's the over-under? Three? I didn't mean to ask a bad question. I thought I didn't know. Well, you know,

some things were great at the time and turned out to not be so great. But I've been thankful to have some interesting people in my life and I'm a romantic at heart. How long was your shortest marriage? Let's see. Yeah, three years to the day. Okay, okay.

That's not super short. But it was just, you know, we were friends that decided that we should be married, but it turned out we made better friends but I know we all wish y'all the best it just wasn't meant to be sometimes it doesn't work out

yeah yeah yeah what was because you said you've been to like 59 countries what was I'm sure you had a great time in most of them there has to be one or a couple that stick out where you're like, God, I'm never going back to blank place. Yeah, I mean, you know, and bear in mind, you know, countries are vast places. So if a person has a bad experience in one country, that is not indicative of everybody in that country, for example.

Yeah, of course. But yeah, similar to, you know, India's come up already. But I took a trip to India and just ran into some bad people numerous times. You know, they're particularly mistreated, my travel partner. I just had a bad luck experience with India. And I kind of like a do-over you know like it was just you know got scammed by a few people um had you know a couple people be kind of threatening just just ran into some bad crowd of people there and i want to do

i was in mumbai which national geographic magazine said was the worst city on earth so you know i'm i'm gonna, okay, I just drew a bad card for India, but I'm sure there are some villages or somewhere up in the North that is absolutely stunning. So I'd like to do over with that. One of my favorite places I've been though has been Vietnam. Not only, you know, I mean, the food is amazing, but the people there are just, just really, really cool. And I guess those were actually on the same trip. I was going around the world east to west. And I think having just come from Vietnam, went through Malaysia, went to India,

India and Vietnam had kind of the same ingredients. They're poor. They're hot. They're kind of crowded. But the Vietnamese are just gentle people. They're kind to each other. They were kind to us. They work hard.

They're just ingenious people. Just watching how everybody has just stitched their life together. There's this wonderful just feeling of collaboration everywhere. You know, traffic is just bananas. You know, you're in a space the size of a living room with two dump trucks, 300 scooters with five people apiece and a motorcycle. And right in the middle of it, somebody goes to turn a bus around. But they don't get angry. with two dump trucks, 300 scooters with five people a piece and a motorcycle. And right in the middle of it, somebody goes to turn a bus around. But they don't get angry.

They just stop, get their phones out and text somebody for a minute and go around. And they just work it out. You know, traffic laws. One of the best days I had my whole life was I rented a scooter and just took off and just blended in and just got into the flow of traffic. And they're ignoring the traffic laws. They're riding through restaurants and sidewalks and it's just chaos, but it all works because everybody's going with it. And it's just this really great, mellow kind of organic feeling. And I was there for 10 days and just had wonderful experiences all over the country. And it's been one of my

favorites. People were just great there. Another favorite is the country of Scotland. I mean, people there are hilarious. It's a beautiful country. Everybody's nice. Scotland is one of those places where if you got drunk and lost, somebody would just take you home and give you a bed to sleep in and feed you and get you where you needed to be. Like they're just giving nice people. Alaska, I know it's not its own country, but it may as well be. Same thing. I mean, everybody I've met in Alaska, my buddy Shaggy Moore particularly, I mean, everybody just, Tim, all these guys were just, didn't know us from anything, but they were like, hey, you're coming here to race cars. Come on. You can stay with us. We're going to take you to dinner, loan you a shirt, give you a car to drive. Let me show you some good times, take you to dinner loan you a shirt give you a car to drive let me show you some good times take out the glacier like everybody we met in alaska was just cool and open and inviting and

just wanted to share what they had and and there's just some places like that that i just can't wait to go back to because everybody there we encounter has just been so cool so you know those three are probably my favorites but you know again you can't you can't let a bad experience in one place rule out the whole country because there's good people and bad people everywhere. And you can't judge a country by one experience, but, uh, one and a half billion people in India, not all of them are trying to scam your buddy, but they, you know, they have those documents like for Europe and everywhere you travel where it's

like, Hey, you're going to Italy. Here's a scam they try in Italy all the time on Americans. Oh, you're going to Honduras. You're going to India. Like these are the ones to look out for in that region. What what kind of scam did they try and run on on your friend? Was it like a bait and switch thing or, you know, promise of service and then strong? Well, no, no, it was actually both of us. Thomas of service and then strong. No, no, it was actually both of us.

We were in an Uber going from like the hotel down to kind of like the old quarter, old part of the city. And, you know, we get an Uber and the guy speaks a little bit of English and we're driving along and I'm kind of watching on the phone. He's going the right direction, but it's a really, really rough neighborhood. It's just pretty sketchy, pretty scary. rough neighborhood. It's just pretty sketchy, pretty scary. And, you know, there is a, due to a lot of the pollution, a lot of poor healthcare, some people don't have access to get healthcare. There's a lot of birth defects there and you get people with some really traumatic mutations. And there are people who kind of get groups of these people together and they'll kind of like, kind of like mob a car to kind of like, I guess, sort of these people together and they'll mob a car to scare people into giving them money or whatever.

The cab driver was obviously in them. I'm sorry. This is fabulous. You're telling me that there are criminals down... I missed the country. India. There are Indian criminals who organize a group of mutants to attack vehicles.

Mutants to attack vehicles, mutants to attack cars and frighten people into giving them money? Or maybe the drivers were like, you give me 10,000 rupees or I put you out in Mutie Town. That was kind of how it went down. I use the word attack.

They were not attacking. They were just sort of... We're driving along and the guy kind of comes to a stop in the car and these people kind of come they did not, they were not attacking. They were just sort of, yeah. So we're driving along. Exactly. So we're driving along and the guy kind of comes to a stop in the car and like these people kind of come out of the curb and they're just sort of like kind of reaching in the window a little bit. And they got, you know, when some of these people are pretty striking and pretty tragically afflicted

with, with these, with these mutations. And anyway, you know, they're kind of shaking the car a little bit and kind of reaching in and just sort of, you know, kind of reaching for my partner's hair. And, you know, and it didn't really feel like dangerous, but it was kind of alarming. Like, this is not what I planned. And the guy like literally like holds the phone up, like over the seat of the car

and like just turns the app off. And he says something like, you know, basically like 7,000 rupees if we stay here. And 7,000 rupees is about eight bucks, I think. I can't remember the exact exchange rate. But I was like, look, man, I'll give you 20,000 rupees. Get us the hell out of here right now. Cause you know, I mean, she's, I'm with her. I'm responsible for her. Yeah. And he drove on.

And it wasn't like a big deal. We're never like in danger, but it was just, that was the hustle. And it was just kind of like alarm some tourists and get some money. And I guess he goes back and gives a cut to them or something. And it just felt a little predatory. Uh, we had an incident with, uh, at the hotel desk where the, like her, her room car went working and she went down to the desk to get another one. And somebody like yelled at her for, you know, being a lady and addressing a man. And there was just, we just had some bad experiences on that trip. Um, of people in the market kind of a little aggressive.

Not the real classic hustle, but the mutant car attack is not a bad experience. That's an amazing experience. Christopher, you are emotionally wealthier for having had been mutant attacked. I kind of want to live through that. I want to have this story.

Again, it wasn't an attack. I don't want to overse through that. I want to have this story. Well, I mean, again, it wasn't an attack. I don't want to oversell it. But it was people trying to kind of, I guess, intimidate somebody and to give them some money. And again, you know, when I'm traveling, I mean, you're always going to get shaken down somewhere for the exchange rate or the cab driver is going to rip you off or something. And it's just, you know, I'm not a wealthy person. or the cab driver's going to rip you off or something. It's just, you know, I'm not a wealthy person, but if I can afford to take some of these trips or have an opportunity to go on some of these trips,

I am very fortunate. You know, none of these people that are, you know, the shirts you were going to buy for somebody back home started out at, you know, $5,000. Now it's $20,000 when you're checking out, whatever. Like, if you get hustled for a few dollars, just consider it tourist tech you know tax it's not worth getting in a big fight over it's not worth making a big deal over it this

guy is obviously not getting rich scamming tourists for another eight dollars on a cab ride like he's trying to feed his family this is just how they get by so like don't take it personally don't let it ruin your day yeah did that cab ride cost me twelve dollars more than i planned on it sure but fighting this guy and 10 of his friends over it is not going to get me anywhere. I wanted to just go out, have a good day. If it cost me a few extra bucks, fine.

Hypothetically, though, how many of these mutants could you have taken? That was my question! I mean, there were a good 20, 30 people. I mean, it was a lot of folks. Countless arms, 30 people. I mean, it was a lot of folks. And again, countless arms. Your Honor, permission to treat the witnesses hostile with like webbed fingers and stuff.

Taylor just battered them. Do these mutants have like impaired vision? Come on. How many can you have? I don't know. I mean, if they got you on the ground, it could be all over. But I have a friend who grew up in another country that said that was a common thing there, too. Sometimes to the point of people even, like, mutilating other people for that purpose.

So it's pretty tragic. I mean, people get desperate in some of these places. They mutilate other people to get money from them or to have them join their team? No, he told me that that happened a lot of times. Like, they would, like, you know, get children and things like that and do things to them to make them join their team. He told me that that happened a lot of times. They would get children and things like that and do things to them to make them more shocking and then would work them to get either donations or whatnot. It's pretty tragic the way people get by,

but it's those moments. Not at all. It's those moments, though. I was on a boat one time from Morocco back to Spain, and we came across a life raft a drift these guys were getting swept out of the Mediterranean out into the Atlantic it was about eight or nine guys in a stolen life raft they all had one article of clothing a piece they were paddling that thing with boards and sticks and whatever they had it was pretty much

below water level them in it and you know we did not pick them up on our boat, but they called the Spanish Coast Guard that went out, picked these guys up. And, you know, it's those moments like that, though. And probably the best thing I've gleaned from all of my travels around the world is that, you know, most Americans take more fresh water than most people in the world will ever see in their life. And we poop in it and flush it. You know, we are all vastly wealthy compared. Even the poorest of us are still vastly wealthy compared to most of the people in the world. Just having that American passport that I can flop down and get on a boat or a plane or a car or a train, go between countries, go wherever I want to go. A lot of people around the world will never have that. So, you know, all those moments, whether it's the mutants or the guys in a life raft or

people struggling in a number of countries I've been to, you know, it makes me thankful every day for just having a grocery store with some food in it or a warm house or an air conditioner or, I mean, just luxuries like the AC in your car. I mean, these people probably never felt air conditioned in their whole life. And, you know, anywhere, anywhere. Can you flush toilet paper in India? Yes. The only place I've not been allowed to flush toilet paper was the Galapagos Islands down in Ecuador.

Really? All the third world countries that I've been to, you couldn't flush toilet paper. And it's awkward for me. I'm like, these people are going to know that I poop. This is not cool. But yeah, you throw it in the trash can next to the toilet. I don't like that. I didn't like it either, but

what I'm going to like... Yes, hey, 37, it's full again. Yeah, exactly. I didn't like it either, but what I'm going to like. Yes. Hey, it's room 37. It's full again. Yeah, exactly. But all those experiences, though, it just makes you thankful for the country we live in and being somewhere that is safe and that you don't have to hustle every day. So I think if anything, traveling outside the United States has made me thankful for a lot of things in the United States. And this country isn't perfect. No country is. But we have it so good here.

And not just us, but, you know, England, Germany, France, Japan, a lot of developed countries around the world. We have it so well. We are all so wealthy. Like, you know, always, you know, work harder, but be thankful for what you got. As William Devon said back in the 70s in the song, be thankful for what you got because there's somebody in some other country that would love to have your problems. The plumbing difference is one of the things that was striking to me as I traveled outside. In America, people use PVC for the plumbing. There, the fucking shysters are grabbing electrical conduit,

which kind of looks like PVC, but it doesn't hold up or it doesn't hold pressure. And that's part of why their plumbing sucks. Wow. Yeah. That's what's up. The regulations. Why you don't want to jump down there either?

Oh, yeah. Forget that. I'm not about to jump. You know, I was up. Oh, come on. If the guys before you were fine, you didn't jump. Mm-hmm. All right.

So the best bungee jump line I ever heard in my life. So I was doing a festival one time. I was airbrushing paint on people. I was doing paint murals on people. And I was painting this one lady, and her friend was sitting next to her, and they were just chatting away. And they're not paying attention to me. I'm just painting.

And somehow bungee jumping came up and the one lady the friend of the lady i was painting she said something she's like you know patty you ever gonna go bungee jumping and she just looked over and she goes i might have come into this world on a broken rubber but i'm damn sure not going out on it just pulled that right off the top of her head i fell out laughing i mean there wasn't even a pause she just pulled that right off the top of her head i fell out laughing i mean there wasn't even a pause she just pulled that right off the top of her head i was like wow you should be a comedian because you didn't even blink on that one that was great yeah i'll use that i ever have what do you have you ever bungee jumped you've done a bunch yeah yeah a little little one they had it at um wildwood at the beach have you ever seen the video of the guy? He bungee jumps, and at the last second,

when he's sort of at an equilibrium between stretch and flex, he unclips and just walks away. Really? It's a really cool clip. Yeah. Wow, that takes some time. You know, it's set up perfectly, you know, because he's doing the stunt, but he comes down feet first,

and when he touched his he touches like a ballerina and fucking unclip and the cord goes and he just walks away and it's like i thought he did it at the top when he was weightless you know neither neither rising oh that would be neat too if you had like a platform and you you like went down came up clippity clip and you just walked away up there of course a lot more chance if you're just killing yourself but down there you could slam into the top and neither one's a good idea no that was neat the craziest thing ever was when um that guy sky dove and like landed on that that air cushion in the stadium though right you remember that clip right oh yeah he did no parachute right no parachute he just fucking jumped out of a plane and landed on a cushion

yeah yeah i remember it being he might wingsuit in or something because he's got to make it accurate but yeah no the way i remember it he was just a skydiver and um where he landed you could see it from like 20 000 feet or 10 probably and uh there was a big net and then under the net if i recall there were cardboard boxes. He just did the whole parachute thing. At the very end, he rolled to his back and landed in a big net that slowed him down. He didn't have a parachute. Once he jumped out of the plane, he was committed to hitting this spot, which he did. Wow. No thanks, man.

That is gambling on a level that I would, what if you catch a crosswind or what? I mean, anything, man. Gosh, so much could happen. The pilot,

literally anything blows you off. I feel like it's more balls than skill. Like I bet a lot of skydivers could hit a spot on the ground. Can you imagine how much that would have ruined the sporting event? For every... Oh, if he just exploded at the bottom? Oh, man, it didn't work out! It might have been sponsored by Red Bull.

Go Colts! Go Colts! Yeah, yeah, cut to commercial, cut to commercial. I haven't seen Red Bull have an event really go wrong, but I bet it's happening. I don't know about it like when they tip that uh bomb gardener guy or whatever his name was out of space remember that oh yeah that was cool man yeah that was that was so high up i don't understand how anyone that's

why i think everyone who's flat earth is just a troll and doesn't believe what they're saying they just want to get a rise out of you because like you didn't watch that guy? He's in space. It's black up there and there's this big round ball and he's going to jump on it now. Now you follow him all the way back down to Cleveland or wherever the fuck. How do you believe in a flat earth, asshole? Get out of here. I wonder if it feels like you're going to fall or if you're scared

of falling when you're in orbit. I bet for someone like Christopher who's traveled the whole globe, you're just like, man, y'all need to get out more. I'll tell you, you know, like, because I had that conversation. I know a couple of people who are some adamant flat earthers, you know, as people around the globe are starting to adopt the flat earth theory as the saying goes. But yeah, I'm like, man, you know, I'm pretty sure that I like left out going west and kept going and came back to the same place. You know, like I have seen ships disappear over the horizon.

I have stood in the Arctic Circle and watched the sun go all the way around me. Like you can see the Earth's shadow on the moon. You can see like there's so many levels that this is explainable that it's. But only I can thank God they started out somewhere like Saskatchewan. It's just so flat that you can believe it. Have you seen the curvature of the earth? I don't think I have. You have to go higher than I,

than I thought to see it. Cause, uh, apparently, apparently you have to go higher than that. Yeah. Okay. But you can see it higher than that.

I don't know how i don't know the the height yeah i from a jet airliner like the the view you get is really shitty out of the side window um i've been to 14 000 feet you know just on a paraglider and uh you can't see like and you get an opportunity you get a lot of time like an an hour, to really look and like, do I see it? Do I see it at all? And my answer is no, not at all. It looks flat as heck at 14,000. Yeah.

You have to go higher than you think. I'm sure I've asked you this exact question before, but it's chillier at 14,000 feet, huh? Oh, yeah. That's what stops me from going farther oftentimes. It's just too cold. That's the neatest part of the thing you do i know you love the acrobatic shit yeah that makes me worry about you i don't i don't talk about it but i always worry about you but there's no such thing it's not me you need to

worry about it's the people i leave behind yeah you're the people you leave behind i'm worried about you i ain't worried about me uh you know you're up there uh at 14 000 though i feel like man you got so much time to fix whatever goes wrong you could get shot at 14 000 feet and stop the bleeding before you get to the ground like you can go hypoxic lose consciousness wake up go to sleep wake up and go to sleep as you lose and gain altitude you just get a little frost you can get a cool story out of it that's that's the fun part to me being up there in like fucking orbit in a lawn chair with a chute and that's it's it's like man how how much technology would it have taken for one of those ancient races to come up with this

like they had silk in china right like why couldn't they come up with a some sort of a wing that would let them like like take advantage of some air currents and and do some stuff i'm not talking about fly but like if you ever put yourself in olden times and you're like dude i'd be a genius because actually i just know how to use a phone i don't know how to make one i know how to use a battery i don't know how to make one i can drive but i can't i got a 350 small block needs rebuilding no you'd just be like a shitty confucius where you'd be like one day something like this is gonna happen they're like really and like how tell us future one and you're like oh i you know i can tell you more about like hockey stats that's a sport that's going to be around.

I saw a video today. It was called How a Computer Works. It was 42 minutes long. It's boring. You think I'm going to be able to explain it to Neanderthal men or some shit and make anything happen at all? No. No. No.

Oh, they see the logic and the fucking binary. Come on, give me that sharp stick. I'll show you how to get sharp from this. That's all I got. binary and ah come on give me that sharp stick i'll show you how to get if you brought a phone that's all i got if you brought a phone back with you with a magic english to latin translator or whatever ancient greek translator and you showed them the video they would be pulling your teeth and nails out before you finished as like a witch there's no way you could you could smooth that over i think the greeks would have been more okay the greeks maybe they would think it was cool

let's go mesopotamia way further back fertile crescent hamurabi is still on the town hamurabi seemed like a fair man you know i read a little bit of that cuneiform code and it seemed like an eye for an eye makes a lot of sense i think the bible ripped off a lot of that but i think wherever you go you're gonna have a hard time communicating and we're just not gonna look right like like we're gonna be too clean like we're gonna be so clean that they'll look at us and be like what who doused you with water boy that's the first question and then like why is your beard like that or your hair like that or why are you walking like that why are you shod like that like they're all wearing medieval fucking shoes or whatever you got nikes on they're gonna you're gonna cause a

lot of problems right away i would imagine they'll think you're i i feel like in ancient times we're always at war would he not be a massive strong i think no they just bring out agrius and beat his ass well i'm not saying they've been intimidated by like a guy that's five inches taller like three of them would just stab me with forky sticks right and i'd be gutted in the street but But like, I think that they would notice right away that we would stand out for all the reasons I named. And then they'd be like, oh, depending on the time period, right?

I bet he's a Mongolian spy. I bet he's a French spy. I bet he's a Germanic spy. I bet he's a barbarian spy. Whoever their enemy at the time was, the bad guy that they, the warlords, like that's why I need the money to keep the barbarian, whoever the bad guy that they fuck the the warlords like you that's why i need the money to keep the barbaric whoever the bad guy is that's allowing him to extort his people and

rule his people you'd be one of them and you'd be dead in the street i you you start fucking talking into a phone and it's talking back to them oh that's gonna end poorly service they're gonna hate that they'll worship the phone and burn you. It's the one giving all the orders. That's true. They won't understand the concept of battery life until you're half burned up. Who now will be the carrier of the god? Oh, yeah, yeah.

You've stolen their soul in that selfie you just took. I do have this part of me that wants to go find those uncontacted tribes and fuck with them, though. I really do. How would you do that? There's not many left.

So many ways. So many ways. I'd show up with a magic show right away. Like, go spend $200 on bullshit magic that anybody can do. Those little poof, or get a fake thumb, and then all that shit, right? Blow their goddamn minds and don't even break out the technology right away. Just pull handkerchiefs out of your mouth

until you're their god. Yeah, the little red ball thing. I like to put a real scare into them right away and let them know that not only can I kill, but I can't be killed. So I'm thinking I show them some movies of like, maybe I show them some videos of me blowing up some cars first, right?

Because that's going to fuck. Whoa, they're going to be scared. They don't even know what a car is. They'll think it's a tank hippo or something. And then if they think I'm all powerful like that, I think that'll go a long ways into, you know, harnessing them for the sweatshop. I think you have to go into it leading with a lot of gifts because yes,

you need a huge amount of carrot, enormous amount of carrot, because if you've seen some videos of these uncontacted tribes, sometimes a guy just shows up with gifts and they're just shooting arrows with like dart frog poison at him immediately. And so you need to put in their head, like when this guy shows up good things happen like have an airdrop with a big crate of fucking pringles or whatever you find out that they like at the same time you show up every time they start to draw a

little connection when this guy shows up the crate full of good things comes and you have to give him more and more good shit because otherwise they're gonna think this guy's coming to to try and be the new chief and we're not all that makes sense chief all that makes sense and i can understand why you would think that would work yeah but i i actually i think it might have been that guy i showed you with the python earlier the bit that bit him uh the guy was telling a story about on contact tribes in south america and how this one guy had a knack for like they wouldn't run away from him they'd look at him and they'd sort of like, if he lifted his foot, they'd lift their foot sort of thing. And he kept bringing them

food. He'd make a big pile of bananas. Literally. And then he'd leave the pile of bananas. They'd come, the bananas would be gone when he came back. They saw him put them down. He looks at them. He's like, hey, bananas. And he leaves and they had this going on for a long time. Years. they found him one day

full of arrows full of arrows they shoot these seven foot long arrows these crazy long arrows yeah a little bit like a porcupine so the guy bringing bananas for years eventually got got and you think you're going to show up with an iphone and firecrackers and startle them into submission. I can have guns in South America, Taylor. I show up with an AR, right? I waste anyone with a weapon. First day. I bet they're pretty fucking good with those

bows. But I feel like you could put on something that would protect you from bows. Are you kidding me? Yeah, like a sweater. Are you kidding me? Yeah. I think my motorcycle outfit might protect me from a bow and arrow. If not, it's close. Yeah, they're not compound bows.

They're not shooting that hard. It's for their own good. Yeah, but I feel like that would probably end like that last scene in 300 where it's just like arrows just blotting out the sky coming down. Like, yeah, that would. Yeah, that is what would happen, honestly. Especially that, is it Sentinel Island? That's what it is, yes.

Those are the islanders that'll fucking just smoke you. And if you try to land, they're like shooting the arrows at you actively. Like, yeah, come a little closer so we can hit you. Yeah, motherfucker. Good for them. It's hard to even get to the gift-giving stage because they're shooting at you before you reach sand. Yeah, that missionary guy tried to land there a couple years ago

and did not go well. Yeah, I heard about that missionary guy where he had in his head, he was like, I'm going to reach these people and talk about whatever. God. Whatever. Yeah, God. And he didn't last very long. Apparently, he thought that they trusted him. He thought that they had a good thing going. And then he just showed up one day for the second time time and they he never was found t-shirt right oh yeah there you go yeah i'm not gonna be i'm gonna be you know fucking can of soda or like some baked beans one day or a bunch of potato you're gonna fire cans of baked beans at them through a teacher? I hit the chief's son right away. They can't open it.

Alright, we're going plant B. Lock it low. I'll tell you what. Or like, you're about to get it and you shoot the Dr. Pepper over there and the guy opens it and sprays him in the face and now it's war. During this whole conversation, at one point,

Taylor mentioned Pringles, and I haven't thought of anything better yet. Pringles are going to be wildly popular in this place. They're going to love Pringles. They would love simple stuff like anything you could grab at a gas station. They're going to love it. Oh, yeah. And a gas station.

Why do gas stations have like 37 different kinds of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups at this point? They're just putting different shapes, different sizes, different configurations. They put cookies in there, crackers. It must be reconfigurable. You want to do brownies in there?

You know that Coca-Cola freestyle machine? Someone made one for Reese's peanut butter cups and they're just mixing and matching bullshit all the time. It's like Mexican food. There's not that much to it. If you go to a convenience store somewhere in Scandinavia like

Denmark, Sweden, Finland, something like that, 90% of the candy is black licorice in some form. It's salted, it's sweetened, it's lemon, it's black licorice in almost everything. But bringing up the Pringles in this tribe, but bringing up the Pringles in this tribe thing raises a good point you know like i've been all over the world and i have eaten some weird shit i mean i've had whale i've had dog i've

had scorpions and horse and you know squid ink and half-hatched sparrows and bugs and all kind of crazy stuff but to 99 of the world like we are the ones that eat weird stuff because whether it's an egg or a bug or a weird part of an animal like they still know where that came from but like what is really weird to most people in the world is like a hot pocket or a pringles they're like what in the hell is this made out of or like what goes like what is in this pastry pocket like hot pocket thing like we eat so much stuff that is not identifiable as to where it came from everybody else in the world thinks that is really weird like eating a horse is or a whale like that's they know exactly where that thing came from but you try to give them a pop tart

and they're like, what is this? That we eat the weird stuff compared to most of the people in the world. For sure. For sure. It makes sense. I had to be like, oh, where's that horse come from? Oh, the horse comes from that field where we killed the horse. It's like, oh, where does that ingredient from a Hot Pocket come from? It's like, well, it starts by emulsifying a petroleum runoff waste and spinning it in a centrifuge,

adding, you know, the acid until it becomes kind of edible. And it's like, yeah, but it tastes good. Kyle and Taylor, have you guys had bugs, like prepared bugs, grasshoppers or larvae or whatever? No, not at all. It was zero percent surprising. No, they're not. Christopher, you're lying to my audience. They are good.

Crickets and mealworms kind of taste like sesame sticks. Bugs are kind of nutty tasting, except ants are like bugs that bite and are a little tart a bit. What would really blow your mind is a big spider, like a tarantula or a scorpion, vaguely tastes kind of like

crab. They're kind of arachnid style. I get to burn the hairs off of them, but they've got a vaguely kind of sweet kind of like crab like they're kind of arachnid style so like i get to burn the hairs off of them but they've got a vaguely kind of sweet kind of crab taste to them they're actually not that weird do you burn the hairs off wrap it in like palm leaves or something and steam it over a fire uh the ones i had had been like burned off and dried and they had them on sticks and they were roasting them over like coals yeah so they would kind of burn the hair off with the fire kind of burn them off and they become like naked over like coals. Yeah. So they would kind of burn the hair off with the fire, kind of burn them off, and then they'd become like naked,

and then they would just roast it. We know crab legs are expensive, Taylor. Very much. How much tarantula legs cost? I guarantee they don't stack up to a nice snow crab leg. What's market price? I would pay to never have to try one. That's my market price.

Really? You wouldn't want to try a tarantula leg if it was on the menu. I don't like spiders. I don't want to be around them. I don't want to look at them. I don't want to eat them. I don't want to feel it's fucking... Not every bit of the hair is going to burn off. You're going to feel a little prick here and there

of hair on the... It sounds awful. I don't know. When I ordered the grasshoppers, they seemed to be unprepared. They tasted exactly like I expected grasshoppers to taste. thought they would be masked by like cinnamon or something that's not how they pay grasshoppers at all they just put them on a plate before I ordered the grasshoppers and you guys know this because I was on whatsapp texting you at the time from Mexico I ordered ant larvae and they were out of ant larvae i guess so jesus like did the check under the trash cans out back which was hilarious yeah and i got the grasshoppers and they were just tasted like

regular they were like cooked but they didn't seem to be seasoned or anything they were just grasshoppers i couldn't finish my plate yeah yeah i would imagine the whole point of like or it seems like you you like countered or found out the counter to that but how on earth could you just eat bugs regularly without dousing it in cayenne or something to make you forget you're eating bugs right like it's yeah but but to most people in the world though eating bugs just normal you know like it's not any weirder than us eating a kit kat or a rhesus you know it's just something normal It's a little weirder. Maybe.

No weirder than cutting random bits off of a pig or a chicken or something. We pick the parts we want. Because if you showed up to a bug-eating country and you were like, everyone, you want bugs today or pork chops? They're going to be like, oh, pork chops are available? Oh, then they'll make you want bugs. Whereas here chops? They're going to be like, oh, pork chops are available?

Oh, then I'll make you want bugs. Whereas here, if they were like, hey, you got those pork chops, I got a big bowl of maggots, it's going to be like, no. No, you're not going to swindle me. You're not going to swindle me. You know, you're my bug protein powder. It's made of bugs. Yeah, it's super high in protein.

I mean, from a nutritional standpoint, bugs are pretty good. It's hard to beat way. I saw a YouTube video where this guy was interviewing an uncontracted, not an uncontracted contacted tribe, but like, I don't know how to describe a tribe that has no association with like the rest of the world, an isolated Brazilian tribe. And he was asking questions like, what's the rest of the world an isolated brazilian tribe and he was asking questions like what's the meaning of life what is true happiness and the answers to both were like uh meat meat is the meaning of life what's true happiness bringing back a monkey

those are their answers i mean that would be kind of nice. Your hierarchy of needs is so empty that you're stuck at getting enough food and water. You don't even have the energy or time to be like, what am I here for? What does it mean? They're just shredded, looking

for bugs in the woods. Eat monkey! He wouldn't be able to contribute to the reese's peanut butter conversation at all no no although that's a fun set of videos too the guy goes to not uncontacted tribes but african villages that seem to be very impoverished and gives them like the norm twizzlers or jolly ranchers and stuff like that like american candies and they're always just usually they love it i like gushers you know gusher the gummy candy with the juice inside the lady was

like it is a fruit juice inside it is a wonderful and it's just he's like would you would you like another and she's like yes may i fuck this chick for gummies right now dude you might she seems like like how big of a bag you got? If I were that person, I would show up with so many... I wouldn't want to give them a taste of Gushers. I would want to have so much that I was making their week.

Where it's like, boom, pallet of Gushers. Huge thing of beef jerky. A bunch of PlayStation Ones, the portable kind, all charged up so they can they can do get a little bit of gaming in i saw this reddit thread where they asked guys what is the silliest thing you've ever been called gay for and one of them is like i've been called gay for using an umbrella another guy was called gay for wearing glasses and and i'm guilty of this i think eating gushers

is a little gay they kind of explode in your mouth. Yeah, but flavorfully, not with like semen. It's a little gay. Come on. No, it is not gay to eat Gushers. All right, well, then I guess we're all gay then, Woody. How do you like it? I've always thought Kyle and I are gay.

The gay candy is those cherry cordials. And so if you don't know, it's a chocolate-covered cherry. And on the base, obviously, because the chocolate settles there, it's this flat, thicker piece of chocolate. And it's filled with cum. I can only imagine. Some sort of sweet semen that they fill it with. It's white and creamy and viscous. So it's cherry and then sugary, gooey slime and thencous. It's just inexplicably sugary, gooey slime, and then chocolate.

Yeah, it's like the Pillsbury Doughboy busted a nut in there. They are fantastic, and I never thought of them as gay, although I'll agree with you. I don't think those are that great. I feel mildly violated, but it's worth it every time. I think you're giving too much.

It even looks like a penis. It looks like an uncut penis like right i see it top of them all right so so speaking of inappropriate food deliveries you know cal growing up in north georgia there you have probably been to the elbert county fair yeah of course do you remember the thing with like it was like you would get like a hot dog and they had it was like udders with like kind of a big penis shaped thing. And you had to like stroke it to like get the mustard and the mayonnaise and the ketchup out. I went as a child, so I may have been shielded from those things. It was pretty disturbing.

It's like you go to the hot dog stand. They've got this like hanging sack of ketchup with like a nipple. And you just have to like kind of stroke the nipple to like squish out. It was so disturbing. and you just have to like kind of stroke the nipple to like squish out it was so disturbing like it was just it was like milking a cow with the cow full of mustard and ketchup i was like who thought of this oh my god it was it was weird man but i tell you one of the craziest things about eating weird stuff so i grew up on the other side of georgia over on the west side of georgia and in our county fair you could get a stick of deep

fried butter. They would freeze a stick of butter with like a corn dog stick, like freeze it, and then flash fry it like, you know, corn dog batter. Put a bunch of salt and pepper and paprika on it, and there'd be whole families just walking. There it is, yeah. It's amazing you came up

with that picture so quickly. So you were like milking that thing to get the condiments onto your hot dog. But anyway, they'd be like, oh yeah, every single hand all day. It's like, Kyle, hurry up. And he's like, the ketchup won't finish.

Imagine the one guy doing it right, the mayonnaise right into his mouth, making eye contact. I'm almost finished. I'm almost finished. Did you ever have a deep fried butter stick i did i did it was it was a lot of butter but just entire families just walking hand in hand just eating a stick of butter and i was like this is maybe the most american thing i've ever seen but yeah i tried to stick a butter like like my heart started hurting halfway through it i had to

bail out i couldn't do it yeah i don't know how many calories that is but I'm guessing it's over a thousand that sounds awful but it was a lot it was a lot candy bars are so goddamn good like yeah it sort of melts whatever it is like it you wouldn't think an oreo could melt but when you deep fry an oreo and the inside of it of melts. And it's just got that delicious pancake batter on the outside, dusted with sugar. It's one of the tastier things you'll ever have. It's such, like, decadence. And, you know, deep frying a candy bar, it's a hat on a hat in a lot of ways.

But it's still really good. Something I make when I have a party is I'll make chocolate-covered bacon. And that is some goodness you never had. Just take some of that thick bacon, cook it on a bacon press, leave about an inch or two where you can hang on to it, and just dip it in bacon chocolate and dry it out on some wax paper, a little bit of salt on it. Man, it is sweet and savory and chocolatey.

I had someone one time, an old biker buddy of mine, he's a real serious, kind of gruff guy. He was pretty skeptical. He was like, man, that's wrong, man. You shouldn't have done that. Ruined some good bacon. I was like, try a bite. Didn't tell me.

He's like, I ain't even putting it in my mouth. It's wrong. So he finally, finally concedes. And he takes a bite. And he kind of thinks about it for a second. He's like, this is fucked up to be this good. And ever since then, He's like, Hey, can you come over and bring some of that bacon?

He's been an addict ever since, man. Chalk cover bacon is the way to go. I bet maple would be good too. I, I always talk about it, but the first time I did acid, the only time I did acid, um,

we got these maple bacon donuts. And so that's sort of just melted into my brain forever as the most delicious thing that I've ever tasted. Just maple and bacon was so fucking good. That would be good. There's a, one of the food trucks down at bike week sells a cheeseburger, but it's got Krispy Kreme donuts instead of buns.

And man, it's same thing. It's, it is, it's probably 30,000 calories, but it's so good. Maybe not. Are we the only country that does that?

Because whenever I see that kind of shit, we can't be too embarrassing. the most thing i it's only here yeah i've really never seen i mean i've seen some weird stuff in markets and stuff but nobody really gets off on like bastardizing food like we do like just taking things that should not go together most countries are pretty traditional like they don't have a lot of preservatives in their food. Even in England, if you go to a grocery store in England and get some produce or some bread, you better eat that shit in 72 hours because it's going to turn green on you. Our stuff lasts forever. But most countries, yeah, they don't do the preservatives.

They don't get those kind of goopy things. And also, most countries don't deal with the intensity of flavor that we do now like hot countries like hot cultures tend to have a lot of spicy food because it in those induces sweating kind of you can literally cool off eating some hot pepper somewhere even look a lot of the cuisines around the equator they tend to be spicy like that but like most places though they don't their food is not as salty it's not as sweet even if you get the same label like when i moved to england the last time for the show i found some of that like that lipton peach tea i like so much at the convenience store and i got a bottle but it was like

half of the sweetness and peach that we get here like so far you mentioned the the preservatives because usually we just eat all the food in the house and it gets gone it usually doesn't go rotten on the shelf or anything that's it gets gone it usually doesn't go rotten on the shelf or anything that's i think like it's kind of poor planning or you left it out or something so i really don't know when bread goes bad because i usually eat it before it goes bad right i go through the bread there's i was going to make hamburgers maybe two three months ago i made one hamburger rest of the buns have been sitting on that fucking counter for like i said

like 90 100 days or something and i've been looking at them every day and i'm like turn the bag over no mold i got one out last night i like smelled it i like looked all over it i took a bite it's as fresh as it was a hundred fucking days ago when i opened it tortillas tortillas are even more ridiculous i threw tortillas away when I moved a couple months ago because I just couldn't fathom that they could still be good, but they were. They had been opened in my pantry for eight months. Not an exaggeration. Eight months they had been in there. Open them up, get a tortilla out one night, slice it up, make some fucking chips or whatever I do with it.

Eight months it's been in there. I'm like, it can't be good. It can't still be good. Do they never go bad? I don't think tortillas go bad. As long as you don't like... Not in America. As long as you don't like spit on them or something. But if you went to like Mexico, it'd be like a couple days later and it'd be like, don't know. A real flour tortilla.

Yeah. Tortilla. Oh. It'd go bad in like eight hours yeah i know like a lot of our preservatives are illegal like in europe oh yeah yeah i mean we i mean that's probably why we're all so young and beautiful looking but yeah there's some things that we eat that are just not allowed you look really good for your age you said you're you're almost 50 i would have thought you were like late 30s or something. I appreciate that. It's all the preservatives I've been eating all these years. We're preserved and our ladies have huge tits. I like the hormones and preservatives.

It's the best of both worlds. The American way is going to be the global way. I think so. I think so. It definitely makes it last. But I'll be 50 a week from today, actually. So, yeah, that's all those preservatives and all the antibiotics and the cheap chicken I eat it last, but, uh, but yeah, I'll be 50 a week from today actually. So yeah, that's all those preservatives and all the antibiotics and the cheap chicken I

eat. But yeah, thank you. But a food that does last a long time is a honey will last pretty much indefinitely. They have found honey like in like Egyptian tombs that are 4,000 years old sealed up in a clay pot that is still edible. It's incredible. Yeah. It's antibacterial so it's very nature is to resist going bad yeah you know it's been used for wound treatment throughout history also wine i i read today is good for like 1500 years and you know how youtube shorts are

they show you this yeah i got to the end of the 60 second video and i was like but wait answer the fucking questions you posed like like what they crack like you know earthen vase looking type thing with the i think i saw the same short like cloth on it yeah it looked like in a video game when you see one of those egyptian vases in the corner all dusty they take a knife first and stab it into the top like edge of this oval-shaped vase and pry up an earthen cap. And then there's leaves from who knows how long ago, layered. I don't know what kind of leaves, but they're still greenish.

So they're clearly not oxidized down in the lower levels of the leaves. And maybe some sort of sap has been used or something. Yeah, and when they finally get it off he takes a ladle and reaches in and pulls out some wine that looked fine to me and then the video ends and i'm like bro take a sip or fucking tell me how it tastes like yeah unless he died maybe the wine killed him and they did commercial it's a problem with youtube shorts youtube shorts are like one-third scams you know either they're they don't give you the payoff that the title suggests or they're meant to make you loop like you know this tennis player's cheating watch for it and then there's no so you just look at my most

hated yeah most hated scam it's a girl in like really thin lycra like yoga pants or whatever and it's like she's like tearing them apart and then it cuts but the thing says see my pussy in the comments and it's like how many times do i have to tell you that i don't want to see this anymore will you stop doing and the other one is a chick like riding bitch on a motor did you open the comments though i don't care about engaging with this it's like i watched the whole. Did you open the comments though? No, I don't care about her pussy. Kyle's engaging with this. He's like, I watched the whole video. I go to the comments and it doesn't deliver. I subscribed to their newsletter. I sent

them my social security number. I showed up to the meeting. I haven't seen her pussy yet. I think it's a damn shame. But I just don't fucking care. And then the other one, there's a couple of them that are like that that are just like trying to bait teenage boys into clicking somewhere else. And it's like, bro, they're not going to that are like that. They're just like trying to bait teenage boys and to click in somewhere else. And it's like, brother, I'm not going to show you any pussy.

And if you want to see pussy, like Google. They reframe the question like three times. So it'll be like, what's the fastest rhino in the world? Believe it or not, we know what the fastest rhino is. The fastest rhino is. The fastest rhino is... And then it's like, fuck! It looked perfectly, so you watch it two or three times. And then you realize you're never going to get the answer.

I kind of think it would be fun to write and create some of those to see how viral we could make them on a flat account that no one knows about. Because I think it's fairly easy. I think it's fairly easy, and I doubt there any like real money to be made but it's just right it seems like a cancer on their platform that someone should be looking at like hey why am i getting scammed at like if i watch 30 minutes of shorts which is an unusual i'm gonna get like 10 of these things it's like get that get that shit out of here. It's, it does a terrible job keeping you on your track too, because you all like,

you can look up like, like hockey highlights, shorts or NHL highlights, shorts, and you'll get like maybe two or three in a row. And then it's like gardening tips. And it's like, what the fuck?

Or, or drama about like a giant, like popular podcast or something like it doesn't make sense where you go off. And I know that it's not like really my history of watching because I forgot to hit, you know, turn your history on. And so it was literally just searching NHL highlights.

And within 90 seconds of content, you're, you're in the fucking weeds. It has nothing to do with it. Yeah. Would you rather watch a highlight of a goal or a fight? What's that? Would you rather watch a highlight of a goal or a fight? What's that? Would you rather watch a highlight of a goal

or a fight? Ideally, I'd get a mix of both, but I would rather see a cool goal than a fight. Alright, that's another reason you're gay. That and your gushers. Okay, fine. Then I'm gay. Are there any foods

that you legitimately find to be just a little gay to eat? I remember one time I was in Florida and it was a hot day and I got a frozen chocolate-covered banana and I could not eat

that bitch in the car without getting laughed at. And it was like, you know y'all are all hot too and you wish you had this frozen chocolatey banana and yeah, it looks like I'm sucking

some dick over here but let it go, children. Everybody in here. I have never felt gay while eating. What did you say, Taylor? I said I've never felt gay while eating. I'm not feeling gay. I'm not getting made fun of for looking gay because you're sucking a big

old black chocolate. I mean, maybe I put off an alpha's aura, but I'm never bullied when I'm eating. Yeah, I think that's what it is or maybe i'm smearing food all over my face and they don't want to pile on y'all remember the comedian mitch hedberg he passed away you know you remember that bit he had for some he was you know these great little knots equators and they're like hey mitch you want a frozen banana and he's's like, no, but I want a regular banana later. So yeah. Yes!

I want a regular banana later. He had one about... I don't want to just do his content. Look up Mitch Hedberg. He's hilarious. Yeah, Mitch is great. I like when he's ordering breakfast. He orders a chicken sandwich, but she misheard him. And she's like, how do you want your eggs?

And he's like, incubated and raised in a farm and grown to market size and slaughtered and then cut up and grilled on a grill. Wait, this is going to take way too long. Scramble. Scramble. The one-liner that always stuck with me

from him where he's like, an escalator cannot break. It can only become stairs. I'm trying to prove something wrong. I was in an airport somewhere. I'm in so many airports, I can't even remember now. But I was like,

it was one of those five-story escalators that gets you up from the subway and it had died and it was stairs. And I had my suitcase and I literally briefly thought about just leaving my belongings behind because i thought of lugging that suitcase up five stories on the escalator i was like man i can't i can't do it have you seen the way they do uh stairs and escalators in china or maybe it's japan it's either japan or china but like you know how often in like a subway or, there will be the small escalator area and then the stairs in the middle and then the other down escalator on the other side.

It'll show like an image on the ground of a fat person and be like an arrow pointing to the stairs from the fat person. And then a normal-sized person in an arrow pointed to the escalator there. Like, I bet it's Japan. Japan does not play with fat shaming. They will come up to you on the street and oink at you, is my understanding.

Imagine, when's the last time you saw a fat Japanese person? You can't even picture what it would look like. Oh, I don't agree with that. I feel like once they hit 40 or so, that is fuck. Yeah, those sumo wrestlers are pretty big. Yeah, Those sumo wrestlers are pretty big. The sumo wrestlers are athletes though.

I bet the average weight is 220 of a sumo wrestler. I bet it's not that big. I've heard of Shane Gillis, but I haven't listened to his stand-up. I've heard some shorts of him on YouTube. He is very funny. His Netflix special just dropped

and I watched it last night with Jackie. I thought it was funny, like better than average, but I'll call it like six and a half out of 10, something like that. But his comedy is edgy as fuck. Like I, if he was a bigger comedian,

he would get slammed. David Chappelle stuff on trans is 10 times milder than this guy. He hits us with the nine 11 jokes right out of the gate. He has his, David Chappelle's stuff on trans is 10 times milder than this guy. He hits us with the 9-11 jokes right out of the gate. He has his, I know Kyle wants to jump in. His girlfriend's ex is a Navy SEAL. And he's like, that's the worst possible ex-boyfriend. I used to think it was black people, but now I got to follow a Navy SEAL.

I'm like, can you fucking say that? How can you say that? He is all tactical and shit putting on putting on night vision goggles going tactical in my baby's little pussy yeah oh my god yeah he gets specific about it in size and it's hilarious so he's got like race jokes he's got 9-11 jokes he's got a whole thing on retarded people and down syndrome jokes uh and then there was another cat like he leaves no stone on stone unturned on the politically incorrect because he looks a little you may not know he got fired from snl he had the shortest snl career ever they hired him then that

night i think they saw like some of his bits they're like who's that guy you hired let's let's watch some more of his shit oh no and they immediately were like actually we're not hiring you you're i'm sorry you're too funny yeah he never appeared on the show he was fired before he got to be on the show because of like you know they saw the rest of his bits the navy seal bit is hilarious he's like the navy seals are kind of pussies if you think about it fucking body armor machine guns sneaking in at night with night vision That's kind of a coward's way to fight if you really think about it. Al-Qaeda, those guys are brave.

Fucking flip-flops in a dream, baby. They just jump in the back of a truck, headlong into battle, looking at each other. They know they're going to get fucked up. They go through there anyway. It's like, yeah, that's what Bill Maher said that like right after 9-11. It was too soon for that joke. Did Billher said that like right after 9-11. It was too soon for that joke.

Did Bill Maher say that right after 9-11? What he actually said was that we shouldn't call the hijackers cowards. We launched cruise missiles from a thousand miles away and blow buildings up. They showed up with box cutters and like went down with the ship. Let's not call them cowards. Right. That was his point. And it's like,. Let's not call them cowards. Right. That was his point. And it's like,

let's kill Bill Maher. Yeah. Yeah. This was America. Okay. This was a different time. Dixie chicks. This was freedom fries,

America. Well, you know, as some comedian said about the suicide bomber instructor, he's like, all right, everybody listen up. I'm only going to show you this once.

Yes. That's good. Yeah, I'll need to watch his special then because it's funny, my younger brother told me. He was like, oh, I watched this guy, Shane Gillis' stand-up. It's super funny. You got to watch it.

So I need to take him up on his and your rec. That thing about being fired before you're hired happened to me because of this show. Yeah. Really? I made a video. take him up on his and your rack and that thing about being fired before you're hired happened to me because of this show yeah i i made a video it was like how to get rich slow and it basically talked about dollar cost averaging and compound and interest and stuff like that and i did a couple follow-ups like going through the math well the people at cnbc saw it and they wanted me to do this they're like look we look, we can get you a graphics department. We'll put something together, but you'll come up with video ideas and then we'll do it a real professional job.

They wanted to do a site to teach people about investing. And I think it was aimed at young people and they wanted to have me as their sort of spearhead. And they found out about Painkiller already and they watched an episode or read a couple titles and they're like, never mind. That happened to me. I got fired before i was hired yeah he got screwed down me but a buddy of mine got fired from his job for doing a cannonball racing oh yeah he and yeah he and another guy had set like a c2c2c record like a new york to la back to new york and i can't remember it was like road and track or gq or somebody did arkel on it and same thing his bosses came in they were like hey you know this is not the kind of you know personality we wanted this company and they fired him over it but one thing if it was

like automotive related or his driver's license there like if he's a cdl guy or something but like you know if he's just dave in the boardroom like well that's kind of fucky yeah yeah it was it was pretty crappy and i don't know how they worked it out but uh i mean i'm self-employed i get hired and fired on a daily basis but uh yeah it's that was one of those few things that it came up and again cannonball has been going on since 1971 there's never been an accident nobody's ever been hurt But it basically is the world's largest illegal road race And a lot of companies You are in effect

Admitting to allegedly Admitted back into law And companies don't like that He's the only one I know that's gotten canned But I know it's made a harvest of people No one's ever gotten hurt? So it's like the world's safest illegal race it is the world's safest motorsport but uh you know and it's something everybody's very focused

you know we have we ever say in you like don't break the law when you're breaking the law you know everybody's sober nobody's doing drugs you're driving fast but you know you are the driver is 100 focused you've got a spotter who is you know watching on watching on ramps, calling traffic, looking for cars, monitoring, you know, wage. You got a sleeper in the back. Everybody's rotating. Everybody's fresh. You know, the radio's not on, we're not telling stories. We are a hundred percent focused and you know, we slow it down. You know, you get in there traffic, you back it off. We speed up in open spots, but yeah.

I'm next after you. How much slower is the motorcycle record? Like I would think that it's slower. Oh, I bet it's slower. The fuel tank is tiny and fuel. Yeah, a guy just set another record. Yeah, he actually beat me too. Saddleback? Yeah, exactly.

I was going to hit up Harley-Davidson because somebody had done it on a sport bike, a Yamaha or something like that. I was going to hit up Harley-Davidson mainly to see if they'd give me another motorcycle. I was going to go set it. Now, the current, the Cannonball record itself is Red Bull Garage to the Portofino Inn. But this guy did like a San Diego to, excuse me, a Jacksonville to San Diego kind of cross-country record. He did it like, it was like 29 hours, 32 hours, something like that. I mean, it's kind of a toss up. I mean, I mean, I ride motorcycles. I go fast on motorcycles. You can weave in and out of traffic on a bike, but when you're going a really, really

long distance, what is going to really keep you fresh, keep you going is being comfortable. Not, you know, the, the wind noise, the head buffeting, the general attention level required on a motorcycle, not to mention, you know, you're not able to the wind noise the head buffeting the general attention level required on a motorcycle not to mention you know you're not able to sip a drink eat your beef jerky i mean you were in it so you're gonna tire out sooner on a motorcycle even though it is faster i know like the the car record right now from like prudhoe bay to key west i think is 82 hours the motorcycle record is like 78 hours, I believe. So you are able to save some time off, but you know, psychologically speaking,

you're going to get worn down on a bike just from the noise and same thing, even with the cars, you know, I have people contact me all the time. Oh yeah. Me and my brother are building a whatever, you know, we're building a, you know, triple turbo Supra that's got 3000 horsepower. We got a 69 Camaro with a 671 blower and a roll cage. We're going to go break the cannonball record. I'm like, no, you're not, you know, you're going to get tired. You're going to overheat it. You're going to wear out like the guys, you know, Doug and Arnie,

my friends that do have the cannonball record, it's a big German four door. It's quiet. It's smooth. Like you got to keep your brain fresh, not just your body and all those noises, all that steering input, all that, you know, everything you got to do, every little micro decision you make is wearing your energy down. And when you got to be alert for that long, sure. So three man, four man team doing this thing and your big, uh, big car, how much driving skill does somebody really need to do this thing? Like, let's say, um, that, that I really need to do this thing like let's say um that that i really wanted to do it and i convinced ed to like sneak me into one of these groups i wouldn't because i'm a fella but what could i do it like would you be worried about me he's like ah that kyle guy he's never

driven anything on the track you know is he going to be able to drive through texas like is it a concern or yes it is actually. And I don't mean to sound like an elitist and, and I, you know, most of my driving has been endurance driving, like distances around the world, other countries, that kind of stuff. I haven't done that much time driving myself. I mean, you know, half dozen or so of these, but it kind of does. And again, I'm not trying to sound like an elitist, but like you need a really, really honed ability to read traffic, to anticipate what people are going to do, to be constantly aware of that car, whether you can feel a tire that's going low on pressure, whether you've got a shimmy that might be a loose bushing or a tie rod somewhere. If something were to go wrong, you need to be able to like immediately make a purposeful decision and carry it out to be able to recover that car. You know, again, it's can it take does it take a lot of skill to drive fast in the left lane with nobody in front of you?

No, anybody get out there and drive 120 as long as the roads clear. But you have to be able to like drive the 15 cars in front of you at all time. See what stimulus is coming at them. Are they going to change lanes soon? Did they just get on or where's that driver's head looking? How long have they been in that lane? What is my time to distance? How close am I going to close that gap? Like there's a lot going on. And for people who have done racing, you know, there's just a lot of awareness about the car and the physics and time to distance and closing those gaps.

Not that you couldn't do it. I mean, lots of people have come on that have not had that much experience and done great. You better if you've had that experience anyway. It's better to have that experience. And, again, I mean, I am not the one to be speaking for Cannonball. I've gotten to do it. I'm very fortunate to participate in it. There's a lot of people, especially Ed, Doug, Arnie,

a lot of these guys are way more experienced and qualified to be talking about this than me. But, you know, all the other races, the Southern Classic, Alabama Hammer, some of these other regional races to go on, you know, you kind of got to be vetted into it because we are all very conscious of that safety record because if somebody goes out and they're smoking weed or they're getting drunk or they're too emotional in it or like they just oh that guy cut me off i'm gonna pass him and make a point or

or i gotta beat this record time for that exactly like like if you're gonna drive whoop his ass guys hang on exactly like you got to detach all emotion from it and not make those decisions. I was doing a run one time, and I blew past a guy. And, you know, and again, it was a safe pass. It wasn't anything crazy, but I guess he took offense to that. You know, guy speeds up, and suddenly he's next to me. We're going 120 miles an hour through Alabama. Look, he's got his wife and his kids in the car.

He's looking at me like, oh, you're not going to pass me. And I just backed off. And I probably lost, you know, eight minutes off my time that day. But, like, none of this is worth getting hurt. As soon as anybody gets hurt, the party is over. The cops are looking for us. It's going to get demonized. Like, we all took the safety thing.

What if you had that little cooler that said organ transport? You could flash them out the window. All right. That cooler has worked for several friends of mine, and that is a very, very valid technique. But this guy was just a family guy that just had a, you know, he just, I guess, didn't want his ego bruised by somebody passing him in a Cadillac. He's going 90. I go past him at 120. I look over.

He's next to me at 120. He's got his family in the car. So I just backed off and let him have it because like, there's no, you know, like you can't, you can't get involved with the civilians. It's just not worth it. So we all take the safety very consciously, very seriously. You know, nobody takes any risk and you just, we can't let people out there that are gonna drive like that or get in some mess or get some tangle because one big crash and this is all over so i just we do i guess what everybody can't do it is there i guess i was thinking like i wonder if there's just a journalist who's like yeah i can go and like an automotive journalist or something who jumps in the car and it's his first time doing any sort of like racing, I guess is a cannonball run. I don't know. That's it.

It almost sounds fun. That's what we should do guys. Let's do a cannonball run. The three of us with no practice or, or really study. Sounds like a good time. Yeah. Well, I mean, it'll be great. I mean, cannonball run. Yeah. But you know, it has a saying that, you know, Zach will come. It'll be great. I mean, Cannonball Run is open to anybody. He's skinny. He doesn't take up much space. But, you know, Ed has a saying that, you know,

you don't have to have a good time to have a great time, meaning that, like, nobody really cares what your actual time is. There are records out there that, no offense, you're not going to beat those records. You're just not. I'm not going to beat them. You're not going to beat them. So go out there.

Have a good time with your friends, drive as fast as is necessary. You know, and people are watching you. They're watching you on Glam. We have apps. We can track each other. And if you show up new and you're out there blowing through towns and going super fast, like you're not going to get invited back. Like the fun part is just the friendships and all of us doing it together. Whether you were in last place or first place, nobody cares. But it's doing it safely. And, you yeah go do one man if you want to do it how many uh how many

people have you have been like blackballed from the race for being really like borderline dangerous like flying through i guess residential areas at 100 uh there have been there have been a few and and not that people don't love these people individually as friends but like they don't they don't get asked back and it's just the safety thing and it's not personal but it's just you know we all want this to continue in order for it to continue we got to keep that safety record and yeah that's what again i'm a absolutely and again i'm kind of speaking for some of the founding fathers of cannonball. And I mean, I've done it. I'm excited to be a part of it. These are my friends and my people, but you know, I'm kind of, I'm not the one qualified to really be speaking about this,

but, but yeah, we want to keep that safety record. We want the party to continue and we don't want anybody messing that up. And unfortunately, if it's a more personal thing for you, or if you're that, you're that obsessed for winning, take it to a track. This is more about endurance and just pushing yourself, not pushing the car. And you really don't have to go that fast. It's hard to reconcile that with the fact that it's a race. And the guy who won that race really was trying to win. Like, you can't win without trying.

It's not like you're all out there jogging and one guy does happen to be first well true i mean people do try to win but it's like you try to win but you always err on the side of caution like you're not gonna cut off that bus full of orphans you're not gonna blow blind through a red light you're not gonna you know pass somebody excuse me pass somebody in the bonus lane and startle them and run them off the road. You know, like. Where's the bonus lane? The shoulder? Yeah, the shoulder.

Do you pass on the shoulder? That was my, I've been having that question. No, we don't do that. No, we do not do that. Some people have done that and they, they did not get asked back to some events because of that. Like that was just, that was over the line. So yes, keep it in a regular lane. again i'm not the one that should be i don't have i have not achieved a place in cannonballing where i should be throwing out any rules i'm just repeating the rules they're kind of dictated to me sure sure you know how

guinness guinness is like occasionally there'll be a record it's like most times a chicken pecked your hand while you did the twist it's like yeah and y'all just made up that record for that one guy who does a silly thing are there ways to are there cannonball run records obviously there's different divisions like for the the different motor vehicles but like i wonder how many there are like is there one for a volkswagen beetle is there one for volkswagen beetle older than 78 is the one for deuce and a half deuce and a half would be so fun yeah oh yeah you either have or have not been in a decent adivation yeah the um there are different versions of it but you know this was kind of we had a kind of a reunion last year this was a topic up for discussion i mean yeah i mean there was a diesel record there was an ev record

there was an all-female record there was a motorcycle record there was the you know bus record i mean and yes there is a minutiae for all these different records but the only ones that are really recognized are just time just however what's the what's the rv record because that's that's the one that you fucking take down rv record uh i think john facar has got that one but my buddy fred tammons is looking at attacking that one. I don't know an RV record, to be honest with you. I would do that one. That seems like a lot.

It's got to be 40, 50 hours. I wonder how the guys would feel for it. It seemed like an important part of the RV record is having 1,500 gallons of fuel or something crazy like that. Yeah, absolutely, because fuel stops will bring your average down. I mean, we've done, I mean, me and a buddy of mine did the Southern Classic, which is like from the, like from Spokane to Bannett. We start in Atlanta, go to Texarkana, back to Atlanta.

And I mean, we had a really, really good time, but we also had like an 11 gallon fuel stop. So we ended up just losing so much time. And when you think about the averages, like just slowing down, getting off, getting gas, getting back in, back on the road again, those little times knock your time down by 30%. Yeah. So it makes a big difference. I mean, yeah, there's only records

that really recognize there's a solo record and there's the overall record. And, you know, the rest of them, whether you were on a rocket car or a pogo stick, you know, however you get there, that's your record. Have you heard of have you heard of the iron butt christopher oh yeah yeah i've got a couple iron butts under my oh i have one and uh i i found the fuel stop well hang on just be specific because it's like hey i got a couple stanley cups how many iron butts butts do you have yeah i just mean like qualification certificates. I don't mean like

winning events. I just mean like if you've driven more than 1,000 miles in 24 hours, things like that. Is that what an iron butt is? Yeah, it's 1,000 miles in 24 hours. It sounds easy, but it's pretty exhausting.

There's other versions of that too. There's all 48 states. There's four corners. There's a lot of different runs that they do. I was the first guy ever to do it on my bike. Prior to me, no one had ever done it on a KTM 890 Adventure R. That's cool. That's a great bike too. I've got a KLR

650 and an XR 650. Neither one of those am I going to be on the road that long on. I've got some big Harleys that are a lot more comfortable. Yeah. I have a Goldwing. I was thinking earlier that your Goldwing would be the one I'd want to go. If I'm going to have to ride to California, fuck,

I'm going to be on that Goldwing where I can relax and listen to tunes and enjoy the wind. Yeah. Heated seats, too. I'm not going to be scrunched up on my bike fucking screaming through the desert. That sounds like torture. I wouldn't make it. My back would fall apart.

It's about – I mean, for those kind of distances, it's about being comfortable. I've had a few friends come up with putting fuel cells on some really fast turbo sport bike, and it's going to go 270. And, yeah, you might make it, but, like, the psychological and physical demands on your body, somebody on a Gullwing is going to coast right past you if you burn out. And that's that, that'd be the bike to do it on. With their wife on the back.

Gold wing is a fast bike. There you go. With their wife making sandwiches on the back. That's the move. Like one saddle bag full of food. Reaching around with a cup for you to piss in. One saddle bag full of gasoline and you're just free pissing. You know,

you're just really getting to know each other on this trip. It's just free pissing. Like Dumb and Dumber know each other on this trip. It's just free pissing. Dumb and Dumber, remember? They're fucking hunched up on that little scooter. They're fucking freezing in the Rockies. I gotta pee! Just go, man! Just go, man!

He goes, oh, it's warm! Dude, I would only want to go on a road trip like that for a race with a group like in an RV. That actually seems like it would be fun. You could have like good fellas playing on a TV in the back or something so you can relax. You turn it up loud enough so the driver can still play. You can teach me to play poker.

I could reteach you to play Magic the Gathering. Constant anxiety. You guys go on 105 weaving through traffic on an RV. Did it be so frustrating when Kyle was like, I've been driving for eight hours, and I'm like, for the last time, I don't care about the race. I'm not driving.

Just let me go to the bathroom. We're out of cream for the coffee. I just need you to drive for five minutes while I go to the bathroom in the back I'm just obstinate about it you can seemingly put unlimited fuel in that thing if you just kept adding fuel tanks I know like the adventure truck place

near me had this massive tank they would put I'm sure you're no stranger to that stuff Christopher but like 80 and 100 gallon fuel tanks that you can slap under a car why don't you put a fucking 8 of them under an RV if it's built for that and you can ship on the rv we've got a whole fridge of red bulls like yeah yeah my friend hayley and i are talking about doing it in a hearse and same thing the hearse has got that big load floor back there just plenty of room for fuel that's

nobody stops a fucking hearse nobody i've asked some cops about that she's had that experience driving it around and i've asked a few cops about that and we've got it we've got a plan on that one it'll be pretty fun we're all gonna you need a casket in the back i would oh yeah exactly exactly so it's probably her boyfriend jay and me and her are gonna do it whoever's on the rest shift is in the casket sleeping everybody's got seats on we all got name tags we got paperwork for a body. We found some spray. It's like a prank your friends, but it actually smells like kind of

dead meat kind of smell. So the plan is like just send it. And if we do get pulled over, we're just going to spray to spray and just be like, look, officer, you know, we're just trying to transport this guy's religion from flying or being involved. We got to get him to California. Here's paperwork. Really sorry. And we're going to try thatmed. We got to get him to California. Here's paperwork. Really sorry.

And we're going to try that one. We've had some other darker ideas too. That's so good. Darker than that. What's? I can't. You would get flamed. I can't even bring it up. I can't even bring it up.

It's so wrong that I'm embarrassed to even think about it. But yeah, multiple people have done the organ donor thing. You know, the original Cannonball Run in 71 started with an angular. Oh, yeah. They had a pig heart, I think. But yeah, a pig heart with, you know, telemetry. They had name tags and graphs. I show them a cow heart, and they're like, my God, is it a giant?

Man, it's the only heart we could find big enough. Brock Lesnar needs us. Get out of here. Exactly, exactly. But people have done numerous disguises over the years, and they do work. The disguises have worked, but sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But the original Cannonball Run started with Dan Gurney and Brock Yates in an ambulance with a NASCAR motor in it,

and then Brock's wife pretending to be a senator's wife in the back that had a condition where she couldn't fly. And they got stopped numerous times. Cops believed it, gave them police escorts to the state line. And it just kind of started this tradition of funny disguises and goofy things. And sometimes you just went on charm, too. Like Ed and John and those guys did one and dressed as the A-team in an A-team van. And a cop pulled them over, and he just kind of looked in, and he's like, I can't give a ticket to the A-team. And, you know, so I mean, it's all for fun. I mean,

and that's, I think from the outside, people think it's this like white knuckle, bug-eyed, gripping the steering wheel thing, but we're all like on radios, cutting up with each other, having a good time. It's a bunch of friends. It's like, it's like when you're 10 years old, building a fort with your friends, it's the same kind of feeling. It's just we're grownups, and it's a wonderful thing. And just being silly, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I mean, I've gotten arrested. I've gotten tickets, and, you know, Ticket Clinic got me off the hook the last time. They're amazing, and, you know, it's just you've got to run that risk.

I mean, we do a lot of countermeasures. I mean, we've got GPS sync radar detectors and Waze and apps, and we're watching, and we've got people on the and at home doing mission control, but there's other teams that have laser jammers and some much more elaborate countermeasures than that, but it's a calculated risk. Sometimes you get caught, sometimes you don't. You just got to assume, okay, I'm going to accept the consequences if I get busted, but if not, you know, it'll be fun, and even when you get busted, you know, it's like, I mean, how much money does, if you not, you know, it'd be fun. And, and even when you get busted, you know, it's, it's like, I mean, how much money does, if you spent a, you bought a cup of Starbucks every day,

you could pay for one good ticket a year. So, you know, go have a good time and go enjoy it. And, um, you know, just, uh, hope for the best, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. I have a motorcycle question. I can't get a straight answer to. So I ride a lot and I do a lot of distance stuff, dirt street, whatever. I've done some spirited riding as well. Everyone has on the highway going in, you know, just going between cars and around them real quick. Why is the shoulder considered so bad? I don't ride on the shoulder to pass people just because it's kind of not motorcycle culture, but it seems like a really safe place to go compared to the dotted line. Well, I mean, as far as lane splitting goes, it would be safer.

But the problem is the tire hazards. There's so many little rocks and screws and pieces of broken glass and sharp stuff over there on the shoulder that you get over there, you're going to pick it up, need to blow to blow out a tire have a rapid deflation and now you're in a safety situation so it's the tire hazards that make the shoulder dangerous for a car or a motorcycle also when you're riding in the shoulder your tires are kicking up all those rocks and gravel and stuff it's pelting the people behind you there makes them mad whether it's road rage they pick up the phone call the cops so that's why we stay out of the bonus lane and even riding the yellow lane like if you're in a state

like california where you can lane split you know still you got all those little the tires pick up the tire hazard so it's the greasy spot in the middle or that yellow line that's got all the rocks and screws and nails in it so for on motorcycle particularly, I just stay out of those because I don't want to have a blowout. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. A lot of times I have sort of 50-50 tires on them. That's a little dirt, little street for people that don't know. I bet they're better for that, but you bring up a lot of good points. I appreciate it. No, I mean, again, I mean, from a, if anything else, even if you had unobtainium tires that

weren't going to get a flat or some like a moose or something like that in there still you're going to kick up stuff and crack somebody's window behind you and they're going to run you over get mad so that that's generally why we stay out of them but you know but it's not a bad idea all right thanks yeah that makes sense but so what kind of riding you do i mean i've been riding you know custom harleys and dirt bikes and stuff for years. What kind of stuff are you into? Mostly sort of long distance. Like I did the Transamerica Trail.

Are you familiar with the TAT? Oh, yeah, absolutely. We've been talking about doing a cannonball on one of those. Yeah, I did the TAT. Just recently, we took small bikes, dual sports, out to Colorado and Utah. Did all the mountain passes. And we did the Slick Rock Mountain Bike Trail, which was pretty cool. I don't know if you've seen that.

Yeah, I know that. And we do Smoky Mountain 500. A lot of the BDRs, I've done the Nevada, California, Utah BDRs. I've done the Mabder, the Mid-Atlantic BDR. That's the kind of thing I do. My friends have GSs and KTMs and stuff and do moto camping. Yeah, they're very fun.

Have you done the Shenandoah 500? No, I've heard of it. Is it good? That's a really, really great one. I mean, the scenery is incredible. It's really well organized. That's one of my favorite ones to do. I've not done as many as you have, but that is one of my favorite ones. It's great. Just an as many as you have, but that is one of my favorite ones. It's great.

Just an incredible scenery and well-organized run. It's a good one. All right. I wrote it down. Yeah. Oh, he'll do it now. Woody's going to talk to Jackie after this and be like, so two weeks from now, Shenandoah 500.

I've done it. The Shenandoah, they have a hero it. The Shenandoah has like, they have like a hero route and sort of an adventure route. And I've done the adventure route two up before. It's great. If you don't take somebody along, that's a good one to do. But there,

if you're by yourself, they have a more adventurous route as well. That's fun to do. That's cool. That's cool. Yeah. My bike is a little more capable than my friends. So I always get to do,

I don't know. I look like the hero because like they're on a 1200 cc or 1250 gs and i'm on a you know mid-weight bike it's easier for me i don't know yeah i i'd had my my street glide i'd had it three days i'd had some very special white walls fitted to it and i was going to do an off-road event in my scout and my scout broke like a couple days before i I couldn't fix it. So I was like, you know what? I'm just going to go ride along with somebody.

So it's supposed to be at this campground in Alabama. So I'm like, all right, no problem. So I get on my bike. I run blocker for a bunch of guys hauling trucks over there. We get to the campsite. The campsite is not a campground. It is a pulpwood cut. And there is a muddy hill in the dark going up to this place that is so bad. There's like people lining the sides of it.

Just watching guys in four wheel drive duallys trying to haul a trailer up there. So I get to the bottom. I'm not committed now. I've got like 10 trucks stacked up behind me on this trail. I'm on a brand new street glide with white walls on it. And there's like this 10 story hill in front of me. And I just, just saying it full hill climb just wide open like second gear third gear i had my feet out as outriggers i got so much mud caked on my feet i couldn't get them back underneath the shifter so i was just feet out wide open i got so much mud on the front

wheel it quit turning it was just like a ski i'm just like doing wild like tank slappers up the hill made it to the top didn't drop in and all weekend long of course the bikes just coated like it's like an adobe pot it's just been baked on all weekend long people come by camp who's the dumbass drove that thing in here this weekend i'm like that's me but that poor street glide man that thing has been off-roaded it's been stuck on a beach it's been hit by a wave it's been knocked over by a tornado while i was on it that poor bike has been through it man i've ridden that thing in the snow about 900 pounds street glide you think about yeah about eight yeah like 943 or something like that with all the chrome and tools and shit i carry about a thousand

pounds yeah it was heavy but i have treated that bike like a dirt bike for 16 years it's he's coming back for more so you drove it through a tornado i was on i was on that bike and got pushed off of it by a tornado yes damn nice uh actually right uh nicholson georgia you know where that is kyle just south just between athens commerce but it's been 12 13 years ago but yeah i was i was riding back from dc i was in the worst rainstorm I've ever been in in my life. Just like that. You can ride back. I know what you're talking about.

Just like that spitting in your mouth, just water coming up off the road, like just fire hose kind of rain. And I probably should have pulled over and stopped, but I was like almost home. And I was like, you know what? I can make it. But I got out there. I got off in Commerce. I got out on the road again.

And this was right when they were four lane in 441. So it still kind of two lane in places open up into four lane and i'm like stuck out there and i can't find anywhere to pull off there's like big chicken trucks blowing by i'm just thinking man i get off this road i top a hill and there's a construction site in front of me and i'm trying to kind of look in the rain to kind of see where the gap and all the barricades is to see where the road goes and i see the gap and I start slowing down for it but as as I'm slowing down the gap like I can't line the bike up with the gap in the road and I'm like what's going on I'm I keep trying to kind of steer towards it and every time I steer it like I'm still not quite making the gap I think for a second that I'm skidding or something so I like kind of like hit the rear brake and kind of went to

stabilize myself but then I almost dropped the bike i realized that i wasn't going that fast like the rain's coming past me like hyperspace i think i'm going like you know 70 i'm going like 20 everything's just really disoriented and all of a sudden that construction site that i was trying to dodge just sucked up into the sky like just barricades and barrels start lifting off and i was like that's it i dead. I could see a porch light just through all the rain and slosh and everything. I just gunned the bike for the porch light. I was literally going to like ride through their front door, like D-Day in Animal House. I was just going to ride through the front of somebody's house.

And of course then I hit the ditch and get stuck and I just stuck it. And it was like, all of a sudden, like this air pressure, like I thought my eardrums are going to blow up. And then like this gush of wind just came down kind of forced the bike over and i just kind of fell off of it i was at that point just going to hang on to it because it was it was heavy enough and pretty dense i thought maybe it wouldn't get sucked up and it started sucking up mud and water and all this shit and then it just stopped and then all that stuff just rained back down on me sticks and mud and all kind of shit and And I look up and there's like stars.

And it just sounds like a train going off in the distance. And I picked the bike up and rode it on back. I got to the Dollar General there in Nicholson. And there's a couple of cars pull over in a police car. And he's like, don't go north. There's a tornado. And I was like, no shit, Sherlock. And anyway, I get back to Athens.

And it was kind of surreal. You know, I'm thinking like, is this going to be like Beetlejuice? Like I'm going to get home and I'm going to be like dead for five years or something I don't know but you know obviously not and I actually got in the car and drove back up there the next day and it was like a a tornado it just sort of touched down it kind of cleaned out a field and sort of skipped this little valley sucked up the construction site and then dumped the construction site out in a field and just kept going out towards like Royston or somewhere out that way and it was kind of funny I tell people Pauly Shore saved my life that night.

That tornado destroyed the fire department in Royston. Did it? Wow. Yeah, man, it was scary, man. And I'm just lucky to be there. And I tell people Pauly Shore saved my life because I ran into him at a gas station about 20 minutes before that. And he looked tired. He was actually driving his own limousine. Driver was asleep. He's driving his own limo, going into the convenience store. I'm paying for gas. He's coming in. I'm going out. And he looked tired. I would have said, hey, Pauly Shore, welcome to the South. And I kept on going. But anyway, that 15 seconds or 10 seconds of talking to him, probably not. But really, that delayed me just enough where I wasn't in that construction site when they got sucked up.

So I tell people Folly Shore saved my life that night. Folly Shore saved your life? Yeah. I bet he would hang his hat on that. Absolutely, man. But it was a crazy night, man. And I know you probably had some adventures on bikes too, but it was nutty. But that one Harley, man, that thing has been through it and it just keeps on going.

I love that bike. I am the same way with inanimate objects. You buy a brand new Harley, I mean, it's nice and everything. But it's not yours. You haven't done anything. It's after you've got knocked off by a hurricane. It's after you've done that hill climb. It's all those scratches.

That's where the Harley gets its value from what you've done with it. Absolutely. Yeah. I hate the Prom the promorphia is all my vehicles i like i'll like get mad at one of them but i like i'll like go around the corner of the house and say something bad about it because like i don't want it to hear me or something i don't want to hurt its feelings so before we jump to the next thing we're going to hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors of today's episode. PKA listeners, pharodistro.com is keeping the Labor Day party going just for you. Buy two, get one free on all items on our site this week only. From your go-to gummies that range from mild 10 milligram bears to the wild 500 milligram sour belts. Also carts, disposables, dabsabs and the dab x go plus new additions you'll love don't forget to use code labor day at checkout new code this week labor

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yeah, or just finding out there yeah or just finding them exactly you get to pick exactly what kind of therapist you want to which is a real plus because like i don't know if you've ever gotten a professional massage but i don't want a man to give me a massage i just don't i you know like i'm not expecting to come at the end of this necessarily but i'd rather have a lady be rubbing me so i don't need i don't need victor like really working the knot in my ass out. You know what I mean? I'm good. You say that, but

I had a scary massage experience one time. This is a great segue with motorcycles and massages. The first time I got married many years ago, I had an aunt down in Florida. We were taking a big road trip for honeymoon and kind of come back to that town. Got her own place to stay, but wanted to visit Matt. And Matt said, well, you know, as a wedding

gift to the two of you, I wanted to get you a couple's massage. Okay. Well, that sounds pretty nice. Thank you. You know, we're going to go to some spa or something and, you know, they'll light some candles and all that. It'll be pretty cool. That sounds great. I said, well, where do we go? And she goes, well, she's going to come's gonna come here i'm like wait like to your house like here like where my grandmother lives i was like yeah i'm like i'm like this is kind of weird okay i'm not really feeling so great about this she's like yeah you know i can't remember when the lady's coming like a little bit later i hear her coming this lady and and i'm a fairly decent size guy i'm like six foot one this lady lady was probably six, three and a half, six, four.

She rides up the street on a Sportster with a massage table strapped on her back like a quiver of arrows. And she's like rumbling into the driveway and like, like, just like snatches the thing off underarm, you know, ding dong at the doorbell. Comes the door. She's like, I heard somebody's getting a massage massage like she was some kind of birthday clown or something table and just kind of like like shakes it like the legs come out like a stretcher just well pow and like like you're first cowboy and just kind of grabs me by the neck like throws me on the table and just gives me this like i mean i was like just about in tears. I'm like, you know, like this is not the couples massage experience I was expecting. I'm like hanging on the table with dear life.

Like, like, is there a safe word here? Because like, I'm pretty sure you just broke one of my ribs. This lady was like a Bigfoot and she broke my body. And like, by that point, my new wife at the time was like, no, forget it. I'm done. I don't like people touching me. It was not would have happily it's a couple's massage exactly i would have happily that's all it is touching give me a oh my god so you got bullied by a six foot four powerful masseuse oh my god i felt like she doubles the dominatrix for sure oh my. Like I felt like one of those like cartoon characters and you get like run

over. They're just like a piece of tire tread in a road, man. I was toast, man. And so I would have happily had a dude give me a massage that day. It'd been like somewhat sensitive to the fact that I might want to walk again in the next three days.

She was scary, man. So, so careful what you wish for with those female massages, man. They don't always go the way you think. You might get an absolute unit of a woman. Oh, my God.

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Oh, okay. And they asked, how do you feel about guys who ejaculate a lot? The top comment. I wish Ben came 10 times the amount they do. I'd take every bit of it and ask for more. Big loads are hot reply. Oh,

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Six ounces? Jesus. There is no evidence you is 12 we have to have like uh yeah i think like do horses come that much i don't even think actually yeah because there's the jacket yes the jackass get where i think chris ponnius drinks probably four ounces of of hot hot piping hot they all have bottles of cum it's um look that's where I'd have to draw the line with when they're drinking the horse piss and the horse cum on Fear Factor that time. It's like, man, that's only $50,000 and it's teams.

So it's 25 after taxes. Man, I can't even buy a Honda. Get the fuck out of here. I'm drinking horse cum for you. That's not how Taylor is. Well, that's down and chase it with a gusher. You can't buy a used Honda for $16. Sure.

For $25,000? For $19,000? Or whatever the fuck it comes down to? Yeah, absolutely. Can I get a little hit my macros for protein that day? There's probably zinc in there. It's probably good for me. Maybe.

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Are you ever high out of your mind, disappointed in your load? Are you ever not high out of your mind, disappointed in your load? Well, we can do both ever not high out of your mind disappointed in your load well we can do both we can get you fucked up are your low are your small loads making you mentally ill well do we have a combo pack for you so i went uh i bought some new glasses uh finally because i'm on these these uh backup glasses for so long these are like like cheap, absolute garbage. And I went, I ordered them.

And I, my, as I've said before, I have very bad vision. And so I don't, I don't like have stylish glasses. I pick the kind that have the biggest frames to cut down on the amount of, uh, kind of shitty area that's fuzzy and not as good. And so I found the biggest framed glasses I could, I got two pairs of glasses. I so I found the biggest framed glasses I could. I got two pairs of glasses. I got a picture of one here. These are just going to be not sunglasses. These are just going to have my lenses in them.

No, I didn't get that. I'm linking what I got. These are great, Taylor. After I ordered these, I like. You can stay in the future with those. You're a wizard, Taylor. Put those up there. Are these. I mean, I like... You can stay in the future with those. You're a wizard, Taylor. Put those up there. Are these...

I mean, I had to... I got the large size of them because I wear... These are large size glasses I'm wearing now. Now, I do... After I purchased them and they're on the way, are they serial killery? Listen, man. Yes. I sometimes see attractive women wear those sunglasses, and I think that's a cool look.

They usually got like an unbuttoned men's shirt on too or something i can't wait to see you in these i'm thrilled you're thrilled are they gold did you get the gold rims yeah perfect are they serial killy i don't know that no what you think they're like dommer right you're thinking dommer after i ordered them i was like fuck these are kind of similar to what killers wear. But killers must have they must have been killing so well because of the peripheral vision benefit. There you go. You got to be looking out left and right. Look at the girls wearing them. Zach, can you make their picture big?

There you go. You can look just like her. I look just like fucking her. Yeah. You two will be twins. It's going to look good. Well, these are the rose gold ones mine were the regular gold okay i yeah i think they like to see them you think they'll look good yeah and you know if

you're doing any woodworking too you know what for protection norm wears yes norm abrams wears those can we see a Norm Abrams picture? I was thinking of Bob Vila, but I'm old now. I showed you that picture, that meme, and it's a picture of, I don't want to spoil what it is. I wish Zach could find it to test the audience, but I'll say it. It's from The Land Before Time,

and it's just a close-up shot of Littlefoot biting one of those leaves that they were always searching after. The star leaves. And it's like, if you know what's happening here, or if you recognize this movie just from this, biting one of those leaves that they were always searching after. The star leaves. And it's like, if you know what's happening here, or if you recognize this movie just from this, it's almost time for a colonoscopy. And I'm like, no!

I'm like Darth Vader. No! Oh, look at that. I haven't seen him in a long time. Or your first prostate exam. He looks good. That wouldn't be his first. That's an old fellow there.

Isn't prostate, are you supposed to do that at 40? Or is that propaganda that we never need them? I do it like twice a week. Twice a week? I do house calls. Only in Amsterdam. He keeps telling me,

I have no idea what you're asking me, but he knows. He knows what he's there for. Yeah. Oh yeah, there it is. The star leaves. That was great. I'm not almost 40,

and I watched a ton of this show and the movies surrounding it. I'm 50, and I watched a ton of this show and the movies surrounding it. I'm 50, and I don't know this show. It was a movie. It was an animated movie about a long-necked dinosaur, a bunch of juvenile dinosaurs who have been separated from their parents, and they're going through a huge ecological disaster, so their food sources are dwindling,

and they're trying to make it to the Great Valley where there is food and they're being stalked by a T-Rex the whole time. It's kind of edgy for a kid's cartoon. That's good. It's good. Is it they're in real virtue signaling like a global warming kind of adjacent or does it just sound like it is an asteroid? Like putting an end to the dinosaurs is how I always took it.

I was too young to pick up on any of that if there was that, but I remember it was, this is 1980 foot always took it. I was too young to pick up on any of that if there was that. But I remember it was Littlefoot, Sarah, Petrie. Back when it was global cooling. Back when men were men and there was no fucking signaling of any kind. Do you remember all the dinosaurs in their group could talk and communicate

except there was one retarded dinosaur. Ducky or something? No, Spike. Spike was the one who... Was he an Iguanodon? No, Ducky was the Iguanodon. It doesn't matter. communicate except there was one retarded dinosaur ducky or something uh no spike spike was the one on no ducky was the iguanodon it doesn't matter there was there was littlefoot sarah petrie and spike and i think there was maybe another one petrie was the flying one spike was the one who was always eating and he couldn't communicate and so like he was often the reason that they got into conundrums where it'd be like where's spike and then it's like spike ate all the long grass that was hiding us from the t-rex now we have to run away he just couldn't talk like he all the other dinosaurs could talk but he sees it was a dumb one

yeah they were all they didn't but they didn't judge before they were all friends the the original land before time they made it and it's like an instant classic i think it made a decent amount of money and the animation is genuinely really good it's it's hand-drawn animation but then they made like so many sequels that it got up they got it's silly they're like these straight to vhs sequels from back in the day if i had to guess ballpark at least half a dozen sequels like like so many because it's a kid's oh a shit ton have you guys watched one piece i i know it's an anime but i have not watched it uh it started as an anime they redid it as a live action on netflix damn i'm so off it's wildly popular it just passed wednesday for the most viewed netflix show ever

and uh that made me want to check it out i was like all right this might be relevant if it's the most viewed thing ever maybe some of our audience audience watched it. And I don't know. I was looking for something to watch. I liked it. I'm going to call it a six and a half, seven out of ten. I know I've given that rating twice. What's it about? So it's kind of a fantasy type thing.

We got this guy. His name is Monkey Luffy. And he eats a dragon fruit of some sort that makes him stretchy. Kind of like Mr. Fantastic. And he has these finishing moves where he reaches way back. Like 30 feet back with this punch. And he's like, gum, gum, pistol. And he punches people.

So he's a very good fighter. And he aspires to be king of the pirates. But really what it's about is this guy, Monkey monkey is like indomitably positive and happy and sees the good in people he's a different kind of pirate and he just kind of like stops the other pirates from destroying towns and he stops the other pirates from being assholes and aspires to lead them all in a better way and i liked it so yeah i did see it's wildly popular like you it didn't look like it was going to be my jam exactly I don't know I'm usually into something a little edgy

and dark and silly and not silly as much as just I loved that cobweb movie that horror movie a few weeks ago and that's just so dark and just dreary I know you like that but you also enjoyed Lower Deck and I would say that people who like Lower Deck might like One Piece

but that's Star Trek track i i recommended lower deck but i i don't really like it it's more of a rick and morty's like zany kind of thing and it's and it's not the kind of i don't hate it i don't like it i'm indifferent toward it my my girlfriend will play it and i'll just let it it's one of the few shows that i'm indifferent enough towards that i'll let play in the background because i can look up every now and then it's okay if it's like sister wives or or something like that man i'd rather just go outside i could either go read a book in my room or or like come up here and play a game like i i can't watch trash trash tv you know what does that to me competitive baking shows like if you're fucking competing with other people to make the best

cake or cupcake or whatever I'll assume you're actively trying to get me to leave the room like this is Woody repellent that you have on this TV and you must not want me here I like cooking shows but like the idea of especially when they're decorating

cakes and you look you're like you can't even eat that anymore, you asshole. It's covered with spackle. Fondant is just edible spackle. It's not even about making something taste good. It's a wooden structure with fondant layered on it. It's hardly a cake.

I like, I don't know, a little reality in my reality TV, I guess. Having done the Hot Wheels TV show, I was surprised at how accurate reality TV really is to what's going on. I mean, I kind of came into that thinking, oh, there'll be a bunch of behind-the-camera trickery, that kind of stuff. But they really stuck to the rules.

Of course, we had off-camera help that would do, like we'd build one chassis rail, they'd been the one that matched. I mean, we did have, of course, we had off-camera help that, you know, would, you know, do like we'd build one chassis rail. They've been the one that matched. I mean, they made the show possible, certainly. But like really TV is those contests, stuff like that are really pretty tightly regulated. Like they can't just go home and get their cupcakes right and come back in the next day. I mean, they really, really push it hard to make it exactly what it is. And I was kind of surprised by that. push it hard to make it exactly what it is and i was kind of surprised by that so let me tell you the example of watching a show and loving it and then feeling like there was just cheatery going on

it's one of gordon ramsay shows i'm spacing on the name but it's that they're all the same a bunch of chefs are competing for a job or a prize we all cook the same thing he judges it you can get immunity from the next round and not have to cook if you do well in the first thing. They bring in a blind lady, and she's going to be competing in these timed cooking competitions. One hour, right? A big part of it is, like, what are you going to make? The star of your dish is squid ink. What are you going to make?

Well, you've got to come up with that idea. Yeah. Is that a real one yeah yeah yeah i've had it um it turns your teeth black it turns your teeth black yeah uh you gotta come up with that idea and then you gotta run into a pantry and they have like the world's best pantry and of course they stock it around what's gonna be done this beautiful talented wonderfully spoken woman right here is blind and she can't fucking see shit and she outcooked these people somehow and it would always look right and it would never

be done wrong and then there was a part at the end i've talked about this before where it was like all right your final four pair off into pairs and compete against each other now you have two hours to cook a five course meal for three celebrity judges whoever her partner is is now fucked they made her partner the best guy on the show so now when they lose inevitably because he's having to lead a blind woman he has now they're on the chopping block well which one are we going to kick off the blind lady or the best guy or the best or the white guy who's just been the best're on the chopping block. Well, which one are we going to kick off the blind lady or the best guy or the best or the white guy? Who's just been the best guy on the show.

They kicked him off. And then she goes on and wins the whole kitten caboodle. And like, she's the one who comes back the next season. They do that the next season. What part of winning the show is you get a book. And so she's like coming back to promote her book the next year, the next season of the show.

And there, her blind ass is like, now I'm going to teach you how to make my fancy dish and now and there's just clearly some camera trickery going on where somebody's coming in and go hey uh you it looks like shit you really have a helper that they just didn't show you think there were there was a part where they had an assistant who couldn't touch anything i think they were just like her eyes that and that was unbelievable to me if she was able to actually get any of that shit done in the act because it got an hour it's not like they gave her an extra

hour then i could maybe believe but i felt like they cheated to make her win that show because a blind winner is just such a cool storyline versus yeah ted won yeah that does i thought she was gonna have an assistant that's where i thought this was going when i was in fifth and sixth grade i had a classmate with cerebral palsy now this person had cerebral palsy i don't know if it comes in grades but he had it bad right like he he was wheelchair bound and he couldn't speak very well and he couldn't move very well and he couldn't move very well. And he had a full time assistant next to him. This is a grown woman.

And she was like his nurse kind of assistant, whatever. And everyone was like, oh, it's such a shame that Jason has cerebral palsy because he's a genius. He gets 100 on every test, every quiz, knows everything. And it's like there's a grown fucking woman doing his work for him there's a there's a mom partnered with him on sixth grade level work of course he gets a hundred on every test yeah you know how gifted they'd consider me if i went back to sixth grade those kids. That's what he did. Yeah, that doesn't seem exactly fair. Life hasn't been fair for him ever. Don't make excuses for that cock suck.

He got all A's. No, I'm just kidding. He got all A's. What did he do with them? He's in that chair. Let him have his A's. It's not like he got a scholarship that somebody didn't get. No, no.

I don't know this but I imagine if you have cerebral palsy like that you don't live a long life I don't know anything about that disease what did Hawking have? Stephen Hawking he was very much like him did he have cerebral palsy too? his came in in his 20s.

It was something similar though. I can't remember exactly. That's so terrible. He had, oh goodness. He was like a grad student. Amyotropic lateral sclerosis. ALS. Oh shit, yeah.

Lou Gehrig's disease ALS. I'm sorry, I didn't. Yeah, all right, so that's what he had which he made it a long long time with that though I mean that often takes people out in a year or two and Hawking made it what 40 years I mean he was he was way out there when he

I wonder if that comes in degrees too right like I think most things do yeah I always like the stories about Stephen Hawking, how he had a sense of humor. I can't remember exactly what it was, but somebody tripped over a cord or something. He was charging his chair and he immediately slumped forward. He just went, uh.

Like he was a puppet. They turned the off switch or something and they're like oh my god i turned steven off uh that's right he had a he famously had a couple of guest appearances on star trek where data goes into a holograph uh the um the hollow suite and he wants to see like the geniuses from history so i think he's got albert einstein and steven hawking and maybe newt isaac newton and they're all playing poker together or something like that and uh they just you know there's stephen hawking is he clearly a star trek fan um and he always had something funny to type into that little little silly thing of his what a what a terrible thing to be so gifted like i don't know

anything about this but it seems like one of the smartest people ever, right? But to be stuck in that chair, that's terrible. Yeah, but he was still a rock star with it, though. He supposedly had an affair with one of his nurses or something or rolled away with her at some point. Rolled away?

He kind of lived like a rock star. Throw me into the closet. Keep your mouth shut. One of my favorite YouTube channels of all time is Epic Rap Battles of History. There is one that's like Albert Einstein versus Stephen Hawking that just kills it.

It is so good. My favorite one is Hulk Hogan versus Kim Jong Un. It's like, my name's Kim Jong. I got a license to ill. There were so many good lines on that show. It was great.

There was one about, like, there was one of the, I think the Albert Einstein lines. It was like, you know, I'm as dope as two rappers. You better be scared because that means Albert E equals MC squared. And another one, like he talks about like Hawking's book, like on the shoulders of giants. He's like, you know, I'm the giant whose shoulders you'd have stood on if you could stand.

I mean, they're just brutal. It was so funny. Yeah, those guys were really good. I love that channel. Woody, did you see the like ransomware thing that's been happening with casinos in Vegas? Not at all. Tell me. So it's not my area of expertise at all, so I can read an article and still not exactly understand.

But it says MGM reeling from cyber chaos five days after attack at Caesars. Basically, it seems like all of their slot systems and everything are interconnected. all of their slot systems and everything are interconnected. And I guess they hacked them, took control of them, and wouldn't give them back without a ransom being paid. Like millions and millions of dollars. And the casinos are paying. There's a link to it there.

I think they're maybe the second casino that's paid, these guys. What do they make the machines do just maybe not work i was hoping they made them pay out that would be yeah that'd be some like ocean 13 stuff it'd just be interesting if like suddenly you had a 52 chance of winning boom you know like not super duper obvious but people make i feel like yeah i i don't know i this oh there you go um and oh and it's everything now they're obviously if you play poker you're in a you're in the card room you're in the poker room and there's dealers there and there's people there it's a people-oriented game but just about everything else so many of the other games

are all electronic now. Last time I was at the casino, that's what most people were doing. We're hearing that, why don't you type? Yeah, you go. Perfect. But yeah, that's crazy. I don't know how much they pay. I don't know if you skimmed the... I don't want to read deep

into it on the show because I get distracted. But it was a tremendous amount of money. Was it? I'm scanning. There we are we are yeah i lost you guys for a minute 33 um that's the value of the company right it's like 33 billion uh what are you looking up we're going back so kyle was explaining that someone was able to hack into several casinos slot machines, take control of them to some extent, maybe just disable them and get ransoms out of casinos. And anyway, they paid. They paid.

I think Kyle said more than one casino has paid their ransom so far. So they demanded $30 million ransom from Caesars. But the company ultimately agreed to pay about half that sources say the cost will be partially mitigated by Caesars cyber, uh, insurance. But I, my understanding is they just turned all of their electronic gaming off.

So that meant sports, but it booking, um, that meant all of the games that you see in those, you know, alcoves and stuff just everywhere. All of that was off. I bet the ATMs probably didn't.

They shut the casino down, really. That's crazy. It's like 15 million. That's. I wish I was good at hacking. I used to daydream about that. Yeah. Why didn't you pursue it?

When I was going to school at night, it was just a tremendous effort that lasted for 12, 13 years. Hey, fellas, I don't know if y'all can hear me or not, but it says my mic has been muted. We hear you. Oh, we hear you. Yeah.

If you can hear us, I'll write in the chat um yeah and i just thought man if i could get someone to just like i don't know if you've ever seen war games but at the very start the matthew broderick plays this guy who can hack into computers and he ups his girlfriend's grades but i'm like if you could just give me some credits, that would mean so much to me. I'd pay thousands. If I could just get college courses on my transcript that I didn't take, that was my daydream. Or,

or even better, just write, just forget school and write your own transcript. Say that you already graduated. Say you did it last year with honors. Say you, say you did an apprentice program at a big tech company. They call you into the office

and they're like, we're going to expel you. And you're like, check again. I'm the dean. You're fired. You work for me. You work for me and you're fired. And he's like, fuck.

Report to my office in 10 minutes and you're out of here on your ass. Mr. Woodworth, we can work around this. Immediately just goes for it. I lost audio. The phone says I'm muted on your end. Yeah, we can see it.

He probably needs to go to settings. I bet he was using earpods. Yeah, probably. The battery has died. They died. He needs to go to... You guys do the show i'll help him out yes you help him out we talked about it did you watch uh no i wanted to talk about that alien shit that like paper mache alien they're like talking about out of mexico that shit looks ridiculous i would have faked an alien 10 times better 10 times better than that you

think the whole body's gonna be there you think it's gonna look like literal paper mache it still has little fingers the whole skeleton's there so what they were saying so the idea that they had a mummified body if we're getting past the idea that aliens are real wasn't the weird thing to me and it was like okay maybe if they had one for a long time they said it's like a thousand years old like maybe some ancient people mummified a fucking alien and here it is but then they turned the camera a little and you saw that its face was just so weirdly shaped it looked like a it looked like it had been 3d printed how and they just and it's not rounded off yet it's so it's like a two dimensional like jpeg or something and it did not picture that up zach if you and then they showed

the x-ray and the x-ray is an x-ray that got debunked like years and years ago it's the same x-ray they mirrored the image kyle. They mirrored the image, Kyle. Totally different. They mirrored the image, which is a dead giveaway that you're pulling my fucking yank. Look, I want to believe in aliens. Blue One Mexico. Do you know who Brian Cox is? Are you familiar with that name?

Oh yeah, Brian. Do you remember him? The actor? No, he's a physicist. He's been on the Jerry, which is a popular curly hair the british guy with curly black hair uh yes maybe it's not super straight the black hair but in any case uh yeah yeah he's he's cool guy he's good at explaining stuff he's really good at explaining stuff and he just has this cadence and temperament that clicks with me and i asked him what he thought of the aliens and he said the odds that this alien

would be humanoid are so infinitesimal you know that people are making these props in our own image but if we were to really discover extraterrestrial life it wouldn't look just like us it would be a cephalopod or some shit you know like that's i don't know if you've ever seen i think it might be a rival i bet it's not it's contact or something i'm spacing on the name of the movie it came out a few years ago and the cephalopod aliens came down and they're weird like a half moon shaped ship and they try to communicate with them you know that's the whole premise of the movie is the communication going back and forth with them trying to find some common ground they're not gonna look like us they're probably not gonna be walking around there was no yeah yeah they might be a big tank

of water or some shit or they might be like always in like some goo like a big fucking um a snail person yeah what if they're what if they're like see kind of like like a mermaid or something like that what if they don't even live terrestrially? They've got cities underground. We don't know. But to think that they've got fingers and a little nose with two nostrils. See, I disagree with that. I don't think that maybe I'm being closed-minded here,

but I think you need hands and fingers if you're going to evolve. Okay, a tentacle could work maybe but i think you need more dexterous tentacles than like our cephalopods have you need some sort of there are 72 bones i think roughly in our hands this thing is really good at what he it does do like watch some professional musician play what like we're so good at this and this is what lets us do so much of what we do the alien in independence day the one will smith punched in the head yeah it had a very different it was almost like every finger was an arm and they all seem to have the same

dexterity that we do and i'm like that looks even better perhaps yeah yeah but i don't know um it seems weird to me that you'd still be like semi-aquatic and and working with electrical stuff like maybe they're powered by something else but uh you know um i again probably just being real close-minded and it's like well their their blood's fucking copper based not iron based dummy they're silicon life forms there's so many different things they could be they could be non-corporeal lifeforms, right? Something that's not even in a physical body. They're just a floating aura of energy that's

sentient, that can communicate somehow. We're in big trouble if that's the case. Are we? Because I got a microwave that's probably basically hell to them. It's just going to phase right through the fucking... I have a fan. I will fuck them up with a... They're not.

It's like signs where they're like, we didn't account for the wind. They just blow away instead of signs. It's more understandable than us signing for water. We've got you, Chris. We got you back. Oh, yeah. I had some kind of audio thing going

on there but it's it's sorted now but yeah i mean the alien question is just fascinating because yeah like you said i mean i didn't catch all that conversation but i mean just mathematically speaking there's so many planets and worlds out there on the order of trillions that it seems mathematically impossible that we're the only ones there but per your point with the humanoid type thing yes evolutionarily speaking, yeah, there could be other versions. Just look at our own animals in our own animal kingdom. But, you know, certainly manipulating technology, things with, you know, traveling, that kind of stuff, a liquid-based culture would not necessarily travel that well, for example. Or

tentacles don't really manipulate triggers and hand tools and wheels and all the things. You know, these creatures would have presumably evolved the same way that we did with hand tools and clubs and stone wheels and things like that so evolutionarily speaking i'm trying to like think about this and not miss something but seems to me that you need to be able to forge metal at some point with heat and if you live underwater that's just never going to happen like you're never going to take iron ore that you get out of the bottom and melt it because it's just a foreign fucking concept anything hot enough to boil water you know oh yeah or and like you mentioned you know silicone based life forms mean water itself could be extremely poisonous to

a lot of different organisms i mean when you look you look at like, you know, I mean, hydrogen is very reactive. Oxygen is very reactive. You know, it is a universal solvent in a way. I mean, there's a lot of scenarios where presumably some sort of life form would be very harmed by water, for example, or, you know, and then when you get into like sizes and stuff like that, I mean, obviously we have, you know, whales and elephants and really big animals, but in general, if we've got some sort of a, you know, respiratory based body, you know, breathing, that sort of thing, you're going to have to be a certain size to where either your weight is not a hindrance with the gravity that you have or unable to breathe. You've got to have enough lung space to oxygenate or carbonate or whatever chemical your body needs.

So, I mean, there are going to be some, probably some similarities. You know, you get into that Star Trek, Star Wars model of a bunch of extras wearing suits. They're all about 5'11 with arms, but at the same time, it's a pretty good model. And just based on the toolkit of elements that we have to work with, certain life forms are going to require the same sort of sizes in order to work. You can't be too big. You can't breathe or stand up under your own weight unless your bones are made out of carbon fiber

or something like that. I'll tell you one thing. But for sure, like 100% for sure, those paper mache things they wheeled out in Mexico are fake. Those things look silly. I know that's not an alien. there's candy in that fucking alien i guarantee

it it took all the press but at the same time they discovered that a planet probably has life on it like real recently i think it's kepler 22b i might be fucking that up yeah this thing is rotates or something so there's a couple things about it here it's 15 larger than earth so it's right in that like if size is important the gravity is going to be comparable to earth all right boom its normal temperature is six degrees celsius celsius what is that about 40 degrees fahrenheit something like that yeah that's uh you know 40 degrees fahrenheit is the thing that can sustain life they say it has water on it and then there are gases that they've discovered that are like the byproduct of life i forget if it's methane or something else but they think oh

there's this carbon dioxide which is you know a breathing type thing and uh they think shit's exhaling on this planet so maybe how far away is is this one super far here i'll look was it 142 light years yeah in case anyone's wondering how you can look at something and tell what it's made out of um it's what color light is coming back it's it's they're able to they're able to tell what elements are present um with that that's in line with what i saw telescopes yeah and like traveling some of these businesses and i can't remember who i was watching it was brian cox Cox or Neil deGrasse Tyson or Michio Kaku or some other interesting physicist or astrophysicist. But like they were talking or maybe it was Veritaserum or Vsauce or something. But anyway, they were talking about like, you know, traveling to these different star systems. And it's not just as simple as like putting a big ass motor on the back of a ship, like to accelerate a human body up to the speed of light and then slow it back down at a rate where the G-forces did not just turn us into jello would take most

of a normal human lifetime just to get up to that speed. Like in order to travel to these kind of distances, it would have to be some sort of wormhole or space time or some type of warp drive or some sort of like, you know, crowd freeze where we wake up 2000 years later, like just the physics alone of accelerating our body. That's what we need, man. Some solution.

Yeah, exactly. But we have to find some solution to overcome like mass essentially, because the mass of our own body would be a tenderness as we accelerated and decelerated. So it's just, it's fascinating just to look at the numbers and watch this kind of stuff. And you imagine getting there and it's shit?

Like an asteroid hit it the week before you arrived and it's on fire. The whole planet. The light has taken so long to get here. Couldn't you get on the way there and then the light finally arrives showing that it was destroyed? And it's like oh no it could not be so so a thousand years ago it blew up and we started our whole project and now we're way too far in the midst of it like yeah we'll go out of cryo sleep and it's not there that's fascinating to me so this particular planet i looked it up it's 587 light years away

so never mind kind of far but not like it's the stuff where there's 22 million light years away. Never mind. Kind of far, but not like... It's the stuff where there's 22 million light years away. It's interesting because you're looking into the past. There could be stars out there where we're waiting for the first light to hit us. There could be stars out there shining at us that actually have been

dead for 15 million years. Oh yeah, most of them out there. Seven us that actually have been dead for 15 million years oh yeah most of them seven more million years oh yeah most of the stars we see at night aren't still there like that i had a i had a girl one time trying to sell me on the whole astrology thing and you know and not that i'm not willing to believe in you know magic or some force that means that i'm born in september so therefore i don't get along with people born in January or do good in business. But like,

it's like, just tell me it's magic. I'll believe that rather than you telling me that some ball of light out in the space, that's not even there anymore based on the positions it was relative to the moon. The day I was born is somehow going to determine whether I'm an asshole or not.

Like I just, I'd rather believe the magic of it than you tell me some bad science. Why would our relative position to those stars have any basis on them telling you anything? Are you telling me that astrology is completely different if you live on a different fucking planet? They got a whole different astrology system there?

They have to. They'd see different stars. Kyle, this is in wild conflict with your circumcision views. Snip it, boys. All right. See, here's the thing. If Christopher say that, you know, Kyle says circumcision is the right move because if there are any girls who are turned off,

then you should have it because it opens doors for you. In my mind, Kyle should get into horoscopes because these chicks are into it and if it gets your wet, if it, if it gets your stick wet, you should line up with these views.

I drop your principles, Kyle. That's what I'm telling you. More pussy and going into horoscopery or whatever that, that shit is called. Whatever I'm into now. I just really find that to be so like like come on you you look stupid if you're if you're into astrology like if you think that dude so many girls love that shit

yeah it's okay it's okay to be in the fantasy like like i love all sorts of fantasy worlds but you guys become horoscope fucking whores i'll do that i'll be like oh I was unbelievably rude Because I'm a Taurus I forgot to text you back Because I'm a Taurus I can't pay for dinner I'm a Taurus I don't know Always just tell them that Virgos don't believe in astrology

Yeah But well fellas Fellas I'm out here Painting art car with believe in astrology. Yeah. But, but, well, fellas, fellas, I'm out here painting, painting art car with car classics. And I've got to get back on getting this thing painted. We're going to do it up for rent sports. I'm going to have to bounce out, but I've had such a good time with y'all.

This is a fun show. I enjoy, I just enjoy the, just letting it go. Like just wing it and just make it up as you go. That is right on my alley. This has been a great show. Thank you.

You did great. We enjoyed coming on. Yeah. And has been a great show. Thank you. You did great. We enjoyed coming on. Yeah. And where can, where can everybody find your stuff? All right. I am Christopher Michaels art on Instagram and Facebook. Look me up.

I'm a presenter on Vin wiki, YouTube channel, as well as one of the builders on hot wheels of the challenge. But I just let me up on a Christopher Michaels art on Instagram. Send me a message. If you've got a cool project or got a good road trip and want somebody to go along, let me know. All right. We'll link those below,

so check out Christopher's stuff. Appreciate it, fellas. Thanks for having me on. Take care. Bye-bye, y'all. We talked about it a little bit on PKN, but it's worthy of the big show to say that Sean Strickland winning the middleweight title of the UFC it's worthy of the big show to say that sean strickland winning the middleweight

title of the ufc has been one of the one of the best parts of this year for me and it's been a good year all right you know it's it's it's a big good i'm so i'm so happy for him i like i went when i go to bed at night i literally have a little thought for sean strickland i'm like man i hope Sean's getting some extra pussy tonight because he's a middleweight champion. I hope he's boning that hot-ass girlfriend that I saw. His girlfriend was ringside, and when they're

announcing who won the fight, we don't know yet, but we know, right? But you never know. Judges might have fucked our man over. Even I knew he won. And his girl is like this. She's like, Sean Strickland. Say Sean Strickland. Sean Strickland. And when they say his name, she's like, fuck yeah. She's like, Sean Strickland. Say Sean Strickland. Sean Strickland. And when they say his name, she's like, fuck yeah. She's like, she is so happy for him.

His number one fan. That's cool. Ah, that's great. So good. Yeah, he beat the shit out of that guy. He did. As a novice, I went into it with all my friends sitting there who knew more about UFC than me.

I was watching it with some friends. And they were like, oh my God, there's basically no chance Strickland wins this. To give me an idea of the odds. And then if you would have not told me that beforehand and I hadn't seen that ridiculous betting line and I had just watched starting the beginning of the fight, I would have been like, what the hell is Adesanya doing in the ring? Is he sick? Is he sick?

Is he hurt? Did he forget how to punch? Because the amount of dodged, like stopped punches with Strickland, like shoulders hunched forward, just kind of like batting it away like this, was you could see in real time how frustrated Israel was getting

because clearly that's not how it goes for him. He does the Philly roll. Are you familiar with that? No. What does that mean? The Philly shell. So most fighters fight basically with their hands like this. I'm not a very good fighter.

I always felt blinded by that. But anyway, they fight like this and then it's really hard to hit him. He puts his shoulder up like that and fight sort of sideways. And this protects one side of his chin. He's got one hand to protect the other. Floyd Mayweather does the same thing. And when you hit him,

he kind of rolls and it's really hard to get an effective shot on a guy who defends his chin with his shoulder like that. And, um, maybe it's the new meta. I don't know. It seems to me that Sean won because Israel's a counter striker and he couldn't get his jab off

and that those things didn't work because sean just sat down down on his punches he didn't care what was coming back at him he was going to deal with it he was going to eat it he was going to deflect it one of the other was going to happen and but but he's going to stay right here in the pocket he's going to send another one another one two another one two one one one two one one one two oh you didn't stop any of those and that's how it just kept going as he stepped him down and israel he looked a little out of balance almost because he was usually sean has this really awkward style you see i heard someone call him kung fu uh blocks the way i guess that's when you like literally you know like in the movie sort of deflect like

that and when he does it i traded kong that's how they do it it's bullshit i thought but and the guy described it he's like everybody's confused he's like i've spawned i've sparred in that gym for years that's how everyone looks against sean the first time he creates so much traffic he used that word and that was effective that got through to me he creates so much traffic with his blocks and his continuous punches that it's confusing. And it's hard to get your own punches in because they're getting blocked by punches and blocks that never seem to stop. It was really fun to watch. You know, I hate that Israel Adesanya guy.

He's super cringy. I don't know if he fucks his dog or not, but that's that's word round town. You want to do your own research on that one. I haven't dug deep yet, but I'm not not kidding. everybody says he fucks his dog i'm pretty sure he does well if everyone's on you yeah yeah and he said some weird things about the dog too i mean mutual masturbation is that sex or not no i think he's what is what is he doing with his dog what he's having sexual relations i'm not making a joke I'm 100% serious I'm like 80% sure that he

fucks that dog I'm 100% serious I'm 80% sure I'm not just 30% sure he's making up these numbers I'm HIV positive that that guy has been doing stuff to that fucking dog alright I saw him on like maybe it was Sway in the morning or whatever they were like

what about you know not having sex before a fight he's like bullshit i'm the i'm i'm the champ in out of the ring and in the bedroom i laid it down last night shout out to the puppy and the and the and sway goes puppy what what the fuck and then they and then the clip ends i'm like what happened next but i've seen like um again i haven't dug deep just head kicks the girl he's fucking i think he's having sex with his dog um probably but maybe not you know never know i i really just i i love the commercial he did where he's like my skin may be black but my heart is chinese i am the black dragon and the whole time there's like a Chinese flag waving behind him. It's he's like, it's a commercial.

So it's all black. It's like, he's doing this standing on the roof of a starship in outer space itself. And the Chinese flags waving all patriotic. It's a whole video. It did. I don't know what it's China. You know,

they paid him to say he loves China, but it's like John Strickland's point is he wouldn't stand there with the Chinese flag and say, he's not quite, he's Chinese. Although some of the funniest versions of Sean Strickland videos are the Deshaun Strickland videos. Have you seen those? I have not. So I guess he got called out for being racist.

But there's several black UFC fighters in his gym. So they all put a do-rag on him and get some Hennessy and some blunts. And they're all like, they're all like huddled up. The three of them. And like, yo, this is our boy.

This is our inward. Deshawn Strickland. Ain't that right? And he's like, yo, yo, yo, or something cringy like that.

And they just have a good time with it. And it's like, this guy is the middleweight fucking champion of the world. It's so good. He's saying something that cracks me up. He keeps saying like, with it and it's like this guy is the middleweight fucking champion of the world it's just saying something that cracks me up he keeps saying like dana must be asking himself why did i let this motherfucker get a title shot he said retard like even in that moment he's like man you're not supposed to say that um he really said that he goes it was an interesting part because it was really shocking you don't

you don't hear the word faggot too much anymore used with anger um but twice twice in the fights you had fighters who had either won or lost didn't really matter which yelled faggot into the microphone one of them was accusing another guy's like team of being he's like the angolan guy yeah and then another guy was uh yelling the crowd the crowd was booing him even though he'd given his all and fought a good fight he's like you gonna boo me fuck you faggots come down here in the ring and say something fuck all you and then dc was like give me the microphone all right no more of that and then they were like sean strickland heard those f-bombs from the backstage. He got inspired. And we got the mythical Sean Strickland.

That's what happened. He came out a different him when he heard it. He soaks up slurs. My body is a machine that turns slurs into knockouts. Superman is powered by our yellow sun. Sean Strickland is powered by white power. Okay? Just full-on racism that charges him up.

Seemingly any slur yeah i suppose so multifaceted it's fair any anyway racist sexist who knows what else i was so thrilled for him and uh um it's uh it just seemed like a good guy i remember we were talking about it like a few weeks ago i was like you know sean strickland could be next and we're like nah probably not though right because it's this and that and the other and it just he only won two out of his last four fights going into this title fight i don't think that's accurate woody i think he won like i think he was like 10 and 2 and one of the losses was to pereira um and and and that looked real good but he in any case it's like who else was gonna fight right he easy had cleaned out the division and he beat some of them twice.

It was the answer, but Duplessis. I'm right. He had, he had won his last two and he had lost the two before that Alex Pierre and Jared Kennedy. Oh, well,

okay. Yeah, that's fair. But, but in his last, now he's on a three fight win streak cause he beat out of Sonia, but, but yeah,

he lost one in a row. Right. And then one, two in a row and got a shot. Usually it takes more than two wins in a row to get a title shot, but I think one, his charisma helps, as it does. It's prize fighting. And two, Israel cleaned out the division. There weren't too many other people to fight. He's the next guy. Du Plessis is the next guy, and he's in a feud with Chael Sonnen right now

because, and Chael Sonnen went ahead and just called him a pussy today on his show because he called Chael a liar or something like that. I got his little bit of a tip. And he's like, here's what happened before you call me stupid again. You had the fight. It was announced you had the fight. Then Israel stepped in the ring and he said what he said to you. You went in the back, spoke to a doctor, and he asked you, anything wrong?

You said no. Five minutes later, you're on the stage. Your foot's hurt. You can't fight Israel. He said something that I use wherever you want. Scared you. He's basically saying that he was because Israel got in the ring and went full race bait mode because they're because the other guy is a South African white man. And Israel is supposed to be a Nigerian, but there's the whole Chinese thing. And he lives in New Zealand and trains in America. And it's like, you're not a real African is Duplessis point of view. And Israel gets in there and starts calling the N word to his face, screaming it. What you going to do?

My N word, N word, like screaming N word in his face. And it was he didn't want to fight him after that and he's the guy who's supposed to be fighting but it's a big they need more of that in in fighting more brutal word well i'm sure more screaming at each other oh there's tons in sincere anger like that's that's good it gets real sometimes here's a real ass moment that you may not have caught so after the fight they announced the winner. Sean's borderline crying, which is big for him because he's a real man, right? And Israel comes over and starts begging.

Like, I would never bring your family into this. Please don't go after my family. Don't say anything about my family. Please. Begging. Like Donald Trump would say, beg. Could have told him to get on his knees. Beg.

He'd have done it. He'd have dropped to his knees. That's what Sean should have done because Israel's last fight, he made a whole point of mocking that guy's kid when he KO'd his dad. Remember that? Yes. Oh, I loved it though. Fuck you. You won't bring people's kids and families

into shit. You mocked the guy's falling down to the kid like you pointed him out. You're leaving out down to the kid. You pointed him out. You're leaving out part of the story. The guy's dad. Who's the big guy? Pereira? His kid mocked

Adesanya when Adesanya got knocked out. When he knocked his dad out, he mocked his kid back. I'm a big enough asshole that I gave that two thumbs up. I was okay with it too, frankly. But, you know, call a spade a spade, I guess. Yeah, the fight game's always fun.

I love the UFC. And the next, I think this weekend's free. I think it's a Holly Holm. No, not Holly Holm. It's Valentina Shevchenko is fighting to get her belt back, hopefully. Because she lost in a real stupid decision to this, I think her name is Grasso. I would bet the house on Shevchenko.

You know what I liked in that event. I mentioned on PKN. Check out PKN on the Patreon. That Russian guy. With the whatever the hell choke. But also. There was like a fat Maori guy. who was like six feet tall who was fighting a like six foot six guy earlier in the fight and he punched him so the the smaller shorter guy who

like clearly is just stocky and powerful punched him so hard it was like a crash test dummy video where like his skin was four inches to the side, knocked him out. But what really stuck out to me is there were two Maori fighters that both had a little bit of a weight problem. And both of them had that Maori love handle blackout tattoo. And it's like, this is just drawing so much more attention to your love handles. You'd think it would be a little silhouette thing. It doesn't.

And so I don't know what their idea is. I should have a V tattooed onto my skin to give the illusion that I have a nice V shape. See, that's what these guys thought. And no, it looks bad. It's just like, look at that guy's love handles. I can't look anywhere but his love handles. I'm going to roll the dice. Maybe it'll look good on me. Yeah, it'll bad. It's just like, look at that guy's love handles. I can't look anywhere but his love handles. I'm going to roll the dice. Maybe it'll look good on me.

The over-representation of Maori's in professional fighting is really interesting. I don't even believe this word. Is this a country? Maori's, as far as I know, are like New Zealand's Pacific Islander peoples. Okay. New Zealand's like Pacific Islander peoples. And they're always in a... I think there's a big thing where the Maori's want their own little flag. It doesn't matter. But there's brown people from New Zealand, like Mark Hunt. I have a theory about this.

In track and field, the fastest people win. There's no question about it. And it's not like there's tons of people who are faster, just sort of waiting in the wings. But I don't think in the UFC, it's that clear cut. I don't think the best fighters in the world are all in the UFC. I bet there's some people in K1. There's some people in boxing. There's some people who are in wrestling who maybe could compete in the UFC level with a small amount of training but they don't because maybe the money's not there the uh the risk's not there is there something but there are these people who will fight for pennies and keep suppressing the wages from tell me where khabib is from i can't remember

right dude daggan stan like the entire fucking male population could compete in the ufc and we'll do it for six thousand dollars a fight and i think that's why we have like tons of daggan stanis in there why there's a bunch of mayores coming in there and not necessarily americans so and that with the daggan stanis again that um that uh that kurtagoff guy or like whatever i always butcher his name that fucking terrorist that funds you're not narrowing it down exactly the main terrorist uh warlord who funds khabib you know it's a system that he put together over there they've got a farming system and khabib runs that shit i've heard uh daniel cormier because he took his boys

over there and trained with them, talk about you've got to have your hair cut the right way. You don't ever show up late. It's more like a religious thing, and it is. There's a big religious aspect to how they train and how their gym culture is just so different. It's very familial. It's almost like a Spartan kind of thing. Like you see, those guys are real lovey-dovey

around each other. Like they're all shirtless and like, I don't know. I like that they stood up to the Stockton gang with zero fear. Like Nate Diaz rolls with a really tough crew, right? Sure. Yeah, they're not afraid of anybody.

But the Dagestanis were like, you think this is tough? No. We are what tough is, and they didn't have any fear i loved it i there's the one guy that's got i wish i knew his name he's clearly missing one of his fucking eyes but nobody's calling him on it he fights or and uh like it's it's like whited out like a james bond villain he's i don't know if he's specifically from from dagestan but he's got the same look as they all do with the beard and everything.

On Reddit, they were like, why has no one called out the fact he's clearly fighting with one eye? He looks like a James Bond villain. It's terrifying. They allow you to fight with one eye? He's not fighting in the UFC yet, I don't think. I saw him in some other fight

organization. They won't let you play in the NHL with one i don't think um but i saw him in some other fight um they won't let you play in the nhl with one eye they let you fight yeah of course not they shouldn't you know michael bisping is famous for fighting with a with did you find him that's the scary moment yeah he is or maybe he's holding somebody's belt obviously because he's not yeah yeah we've known if he was but if you could you this doesn't really show just how opaque and useless that eye definitely is yeah there's no way that eye left on screen his right eye is working that guy is a top tier kind of guy apparently like i don't know all the clips i've seen him of him is just him mauling people and you never know what you're

looking at right he could be oh my goodness oh my god it looks like the bad eye is the good one right the unless he's talking to someone to this side yeah it's because he's looking at his left and so it's even and out that the wonkier one to look straight but it's still not it's not on great one looking at okay so he's probably not looking at the camera because it's like if the bad ones always like listing over to his right and then he looks to the left I bet it pulls it over a bit

right because it's still like it's still being acted on by your eye muscles or some shit probably I don't know how it works that guy looks scary as hell I also saw and we will get off UFC offc off after this i promise but it was an interview with perea and they look like this is that can you pull up this picture perea

was talking about when he fought sean strickland and he did win that fight he caught sean knocked him out but he was like the way he looked at me no one ever looked at me like that before i was afraid i was afraid of sean strickland i love that he admitted that yeah this is the picture i always see yeah those nipples are just screaming steroid i feel like i could suck on his nipples and get my trt fair nipples those are like give me some mustard out of that one and some mayo out of this one. That's not a real picture. That doesn't look real. He's too jacked.

He's too symmetrical in all ways except for one. They cranked up the fucking contrast. The saturation way up. I don't know. You would test positive for roids if you suck on it. There's no lighting that can make me look like that. So good for him. if you sucked on it. There's no lighting that can make me look like that. So good for him. Yeah, right.

No, did you get it? Dude, Sugar Sean O'Malley has an interesting take. Are you familiar with his like open marriage? No, I don't know anything other than he was the other unexpected champ. All right. Let me read this to you because it's pretty fun. Welcome to the Sugar show where ufc champion sean o'malley says he can do whatever whenever and with whomever he pleases here's his

quote i'm a king i pay for everything i treat dania that's his wife like a queen if i get a little pussy on the side what does that have to do with anything i have testosterone running through my veins it's simple if i wasn't paying for everything if i wasn't you know successful in any sort of way and i was an average joe i probably wouldn't it would probably wouldn't be fair but i'm fucking king kong baby this is 150 pound white dude this guy oozes confidence andrew tate explains it well it's status you know i got status so i can bad reference yeah right and uh is he still he's out i'm a crazy motherfucker i put myself on a leash and i have to live a very disciplined lifestyle i could for sure go out do some bumps and go off the rails, even if I didn't have discipline. Oh, dude, I'd be crazy.

I'd be Conor McGregor for sure. I'd be hitting the booger sugar on my yacht, blow all my money, but I live a disciplined life. And if I want to get a little bit of pussy sometimes, what the fuck? It makes me a better man. And that's the end of his quotes. That's hilarious. Like on the left, he looks so little like a champion UFC fighter. So like,

he looks like he just got the first gig for his not very successful band. Right. He's an aspiring DJ. Yeah. He hits so hard. He hits and he is so fast. It's a, it's very fun to watch.

I saw a clip the other day and it was um uh a climber a mountain climber in the gym with two huge bodybuilders and he was using their weight to do this exercise where you're like it's a thing that uh there's a support on your chest it was magnificent supported t-bar row okay and uh exactly and uh he was doing the same weight and like reps as them with his little ass. Like shot. As you do. One hundred six hundred fifty hundred sixty pounds. I think something like that.

Crazy strength. You could see the muscles in his back not only flexing and going through great full range of motion, but turning red. You could see the blood flowing to those muscles because they turned red in this big patch. That is his like back musculature it was cool my attention is insertions his lats go to like his love handles like they're all the way down yeah there's not a lot of fat on that physique he's you know every i guess every pound you weigh is another you got to haul up that goddamn mountain yeah i saw him climbing the jujimufu so jujimufu is i like an aspect of his personality and that he's

not afraid to not be elite so he gets into arm wrestling he gets into like a ninja warrior type stuff like where you do the monkey bars and whatever and rock climbing indoor rock climbing and he thought that you know one of the big reasons that this mountain climber magnuson or something very close to that was doing better than him was the weight difference, right? It's a strength to weight ratio. So this dude throws on a weight vest to bring him up to Juju Mufu's identical weight. He's got like 160 pounds strapped on his backpack and he still out climbed him. And it was very impressive.

Yeah. Those climbers are very strong. Yeah. Their fingers are just idiots fingers you're always in a weird position like it's not normal movements you're all your stabilizing muscles are unbelievably strong i think this guy at one point was really elite like amongst the best rock climbers and now he's kind of a rock climbing youtuber and uh he makes content. I enjoy it. Well, I go through kicks of it. I do the same thing where not with rock climbing, but just random content that I'll be like, I could never get enough of this. And then like two weeks, like two months later, it's like, oh, I haven't watched that guy do survival stuff for primitive technology and forever, which I need to jot that down.

I need to check his channel after the show tonight. I can't believe you don't like that shit, Kyle. Don't like it. It doesn't do it for me. I like something a little more pulse-pounding. Look, everyone shouldn't be alive at the end of the video is all I'm saying.

He's the only guy in it. See, that's worse. I like a little group play. I really enjoy my police videos. I like fails. I know that's kind of generic, but just go to Fail Army and watch 20 minutes of that shit.

You used to be all about Fail Army back in the day. Love that shit. Is it still good? Yeah. People are still fucking up. look there's more cameras look every day another camera like they're giving kids cell phones younger and younger so the more cameras more lenses there are out there the more nonsense you're catching people doing so yeah it's amazing i like when they're like when when they're like measured out fail compilations of the I haven't seen nearly as many as you but I like

when like they don't go too extreme like when there's like if you want an extreme one watch the extreme one but then the lighter hearted ones where it's like that guy fell into a pool and didn't shatter his leg that guy made a doofus of himself

and it wasn't bad whereas like I don't want to see like sprinkled in someone clearly dying no blood no death no no traumatic injuries i like to see people busting their ass on the ice going down the steps and farting when they do it or i like to see like granny gets on the scooter and she doesn't know how to ride it so it drags her off through the yard and the dogs chase after i don't want to see you know anybody. Funny shit. But with a police activity channel, that's when I'm looking for not everybody to make it to the end of the video, right? Because then it's just

gunfights. It's fucking gunfights. It's showdown at the OK Corral, eight videos a day, every goddamn day. Does it make you think you would be a good cop? It makes me think that it's such a hard job. It's such a fucking hard job

and sometimes you're with the cops on the cop side and sometimes you're on the other guy's side sometimes you everybody seems to be in the wrong you're like you're a piece of shit and you're an officer you're handling this poorly like y'all need to do you see that i know you're on reddit and maybe as much as me you saw that cop perhaps talk on the radio or phone about the girl who got ran over. Yeah. So Taylor, for your benefit and listeners, a woman, she's actually 23 and a cop was going 40 in the city or 60 miles an hour in the city, something like that. And he ran over and killed her. And then this is a different policeman doing the talking.

The guy that ran over and killed her, obviously, you know, making mistakes, fucking up. But he was distraught. He gave her CPR until the medical professionals came and said that, you know, you can stop now. This isn't going anywhere. And so while he fucked up, wasn't evil this guy that we're watching was just laughing about it like so fucking yeah she's done now city all right

oh man cut a check for 11 grand no big deal she was 26 right depreciating asset yeah like she had low value anyway the whole thing low value asset or something is it someone says women end at 25 maybe it's me but uh maybe it's me when you can't keep track of your own horse shit on the show you say rotten i believe that does ring a bell now yeah so maybe the guy's a fan of the show but anyway he said that because she was 26 she had no value she was really 23 but that's what he said and uh and the internet's going wild about oh also this guy was like a man in a position of authority i think he was like the union

representative for this some police force like he was voted into his position. The other guy, you know, he represents the accident happened. It like she walked out in the road or he was carelessly just flying. He was flying with no siren or lights and ran her down. I think it was at a crosswalk, but I'm not sure about that part.

Yeah. Um, but this guy was basically like being informed about it and his body cams on and he's having a big laugh about the whole thing and well that's a you know that's not a good response to that not a good look at all um so you know that's it's and it's a genuine the thing about it is and and we're guilty of this all the time like sometimes it's just you're trying to be silly you're trying to be zany or funny or just or just be awful on purpose because that's funny in its own way it is fine but this nobody he was just having a private conversation with his buddy like he didn't know

that anybody was listening he wasn't trying to make us laugh which is my excuse for most of the awful things i'd say i really do i've never said anything awful i I can't relate. I mean, you know what I mean. But Jesus fucking Christ, that guy seems to be genuinely an evil guy in private, which is what... I like to feel like I'm a real good guy in private. This guy's private hymn is a piece of shit.

He's the kind of guy who laughs about innocent women dying for no reason which is so is he getting in trouble outside like is he gonna get in trouble outside of the internet roasting him or is it gonna be like yeah you're an insensitive shithead but you weren't driving and so we're gonna give it to the other cop well either way they should probably get rid of the the psycho who behaves that way like if you if you behave that way as a cop you gotta go you can't let that person hang out

no they shouldn't no fuck no i don't know how you're gonna fire um i don't know how that video got released as well i think that's very pertinent if you if you're the cop if that's your standpoint and you're the union who represents a cop you're the lawyer who represents the union how did my how did this video of my client having a private conversation, get onto the internet? I want to start there. You're not, I'm curious about that.

I don't feel like it's a private video. He's at work. You'll pay him to not work that job way more than you would. He already was. He'd love for you to do that job. Might be a good value. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I don't know that I want him to be a cop. I know I wouldn't want him to be a cop. Yeah, yeah. You shouldn't. You can't be behaving that way. You haven't even seen his arrest record. What if he was literally the best cop you'd ever heard of? What if he was so goddamn good?

Purple hearts. Seven silver stars. Eight golden donuts. Okay. Eight golden donuts. Okay. Eight golden. He was the dare. I didn't make that up. I read it.

I don't know if it's true, but you know. Dare fine. I would have to know the average number of complaints for a cop in that area. It seems like a lot. How many times have you complained about the police? I've never submitted a cop complaint. Me too. Kyle, are you also at zero?

I'm at zero. Yeah. Yeah. And you would have done like, okay, can you file like an FBI complaint? a cop complaint to Kyle. You also at zero. I'm at zero. Yeah. Yeah. And you would have done like, okay, can you spy like an FBI complaint? Like, Hey,

these guys didn't even find all the shit they were looking for. Idiots. That was more like, that was more just like embarrassing at the time. Cause like what it was was when they were looking for explosives, they like got all my guns in one area and like put them in a pile basically. And I think it was mostly for a safety thing. It's like, let's get the guns in one room. Cause y' in a pile basically and i think it was mostly for a safety thing it's like let's get the guns in one room because y'all know how i had guns they were

everywhere and somebody must have said let's get all the guns in one room for safety purposes all the guns dude you had no idea they're just sitting there on a bipod pointed towards the door and also it was, that rifle is particularly hard to store away. It's a big boy. So you just keep it on the living room carpet. Yeah. Cause you know,

I was, I was like, man, it wouldn't give every door dash guy. It won't matter with little Betsy here. It was a 50. It was a 50. Yeah.

Like down my lawn, you know, with little Betsy here. It was a 50-pound. It was a 50-pound. It was a 50-pound. It was a 50-pound. It was a 50-pound. It was a 50-pound. It was a 50-pound. On a bipod, pointed at the door. Yeah. Yeah. Like down my lawn. But in reality, it was under the Christmas tree for, I think, some social media pictures,

and it just stayed there because it just stayed there. Why move it? Why move it? Why not leave it right there? That's good storage. Anyway, they went to put everything

in one room, and I asked when I got there because I was out here in Atlanta at the time. I was hours away. I was like, so all the guns are here? I'm looking around. Some guns are missing. Now I'm worried that they've someone stole a gun?

Did one of y'all steal one of my goddamn guns? You're saying this is all my guns and it's not. They were just still littered about the house between two pairs of jeans in one case um you know just in drawers in my underwear drawer all over the place but they didn't take any guns that day they were just kind of haphazardly clearing rooms i guess looking for explosives they took all my tannerite all my tannerite i never got that tannerite back

they were never gonna give it back right probably not can you have tanner right i mean i don't know what i do with it you know like like i i need to what would i why would i want it could you shoot a flaming arrow at it no it didn't work like that yeah what if you shot it very hard like a crossbow actually that's actually interesting i've never put any real thought into that i suppose i could probably detonate it with an arrow but it would involve maybe um when the arrow hit there'd be a secondary explosion um where like a yeah like a primer on the tip is punctured by the impact and it ignites an explosive charge that then reverses back and hits the... Here's a question. I don't know if you can answer this. I don't have that.

Five-gallon pail, right? Like drywall. Filled with tannerite. Yeah, I've done that. But there's a bowling ball in the middle. You drop it from a very high building. Think it'd go? No. No, not even close. No, not even close. What? I thought there'd be a lot of squish. No, you gotta

get fast. You need a lot of... I mean, there's a lot of squish no you gotta get fast you need a lot of there's a number of foot pounds of force per cubic inch that need to be delivered upon that that's why I did the bowling ball the bottom of it you might have too much surface area it wouldn't

hit hard enough it just needs to ignite one little part I have just i was always told that like it's got to be the rifle it's got to be the rifle it's got to be the rifle you can hammer it with a hammer as hard as you fucking can because that would be the thing right like one kernel of it smashing it on an anvil yeah nothing happens nothing happens uh it just turns into mush uh there are more sensitive kinds that that would do stuff but when i would order the sensitive stuff because they make some stuff for five five six caliber rifles and faster that's

standard tannerite and then but for my videos sometimes i would want something not only hotter so it would ignite fuel sources and make fireballs but i'd also want something that i could detonate with a slower bullet if i was using 22 caliber machine gun or a shotgun in particular if i'm using a sega 12 shotgun and i want to be able to blow stuff up then we need some sensitive uh like target media stuff but um they wouldn't and then you could buy that stuff in very small quantities because it was it was much more powerful maybe 12 times more powerful than tannerite like a 12 to 1 power ratio and so when you order it as a regular i have it yeah yeah and if you order some as a regular consumer they'd send you these little pre-made targets that had a little stuck in them and it was like yeah shoot the bullseye and this

pops they don't send you a bag of stuff to mix but you know they i could get a bag of stuff to mix. So I could make my big pyrotechnic show stuff. But no, I can't imagine. A bowling ball wouldn't do it. And I could rig an arrow up to do it probably if I really put some thought into it, but not legally without licensing and stuff. I mean, I've done that before. I did a video where I blew up a dummy

shooting it with a bow and arrow, a crossbow. And there was all sorts of jerry-rig and camera trickery not camera trickery just you know explosives wire you made it look like it was the arrowhead but it was actually something else that happened when the yeah it was i was actually dad touching two wires together i was like you hit the wires when it hits the target. And he's back. And it's just like, isn't it on that topic? So your father would do that. Well, I bet if you're like me, there's a lot of people in your life. You're like, I just don't know that they're competent enough that I would trust them to touch wires when an arrow goes. I have real quick.

I'm going to get a fish tank soon next month. And when you carry a fish tank, it's heavy and you want to not torque it. It's a glass box held together with silicone. So if you start twisting it and ruining it, then you might damage it. It might not break for 18 months, but then it leaks all over your house. And I'm like, who in my life is competent enough to carry something heavy and not like, it up drop it fingers wear out not many i don't know what i'm gonna do i don't have a plan how heavy is it 250 pounds maybe i got your answer if you want it yeah there's a there's a website called thumbtack i think and you can hire like a handyman who you could probably find a reef keeping specialist there who'd like talk to you about ph while you

carried it oh pish posh kyle is more than happy to drive up and help you with this but i've used thumbtack to hire like um they have like i had so many things to hang on the walls it's like i don't want to do this or if i've got an elliptical it needs to put together or something like that i'll just get somebody a thumbtack to do two hours of labor and you you'll see there'll be 30 guys or and women gals and it's like these people can do the job you want done here are their here's their experience here are the reviews some of them it's like i've done 3 000 tv installs it's like this is the guy yeah right that's the guy sleep right and like those of him and you know on the side I don't know how many TV installs you've done

Kyle but I bet it's like four right what your fifth effort ever is going to be better than this guy's 3000 yeah not a chance definitely not it was a fucking nightmare to get that TV up on the wall I drilled that motherfucker so many times looking for that stud

I'm not embarrassed to say it I drilled that motherfucker so many times looking for that stud. I'm not embarrassed to say it. I drilled a fucking, it looked like I was looking for buried gold in that wall. Or honestly, it looked like you ever cut something in half with a drill. You just keep drilling next to each other. And then you're able to use a saw. Cause I got mad after a while.

After the stud detector lied to me three times in a row, I was like, well, I'll tell you what. Process of elimination. Zip, zip, zip, zip, zip. And I'm moving an inch every time. Meanwhile, the lights are flickering in your house. There's water pipes spraying. That's exactly the example I was going to bring up.

Before you told that story, I was like, I bet this guy has figured out which stud finder works. He's done 3,000 TV installs. You drilling into shit made me think of people living in walls. There's a show on, because you've mentioned this before, Kyle, the fear you have of people living in an attic, living in walls. this before kyle the fear you have of people living in an attic a lot of times there's a show on hulu called frogging p-h-r-o-g-g-i-n-g and apparently that's the little term for someone living in your house without your knowledge and there's multiple episodes of it i only watched like two and one of them was this lady who and in my head i was like obviously attic and like crawl space like outside like getting in under a crawl space or something

making a little homeless shelter under there like i thought those were going to be the two i would hear over and over but some of these people were so bold some of the froggers that this one woman was like yeah this guy was living in my closet no in her closet and he said there she said that the way it like i guess he would live in there sometimes and then he would bounce out and like go somewhere else like maybe an attic basement like he was up at the way he got caught was she was like and i just saw this guy in my closet and he was dressed up in like my clothes like a woman like uh would you fuck me i'd so maybe so maybe it's camouflage to be fair let's give him that let's let's maybe but then she was talking in a way she described it was like he was scared of her. Yeah.

Like he was fearful and afraid when he got caught. And she was like, he seemed really scared of me. And he asked me if I wanted to hug. And I said, no. And then he just I told him to leave. And he just walked out of my house dressed in my clothes. And then I followed him to the gas station he went to and just told some cops that man is was living in my closet and around my home. And so they arrested him. But like I and this could be embarrassing if I'm ever frogged and I don't realize it.

this could be embarrassing if i'm ever frogged and i don't realize it but i feel like i would have the situational awareness to if you're if you're in my attic and you're super light-footed legolas level light-footed maybe i i don't catch you for a bit but even the first day i think i'll catch it this there's no fucking way i slip up so badly that someone can hang out in my closet without me knowing that's that woman's own complacency of anything actually i take it back yeah in my so my my closet is particularly i'll send you a video of it later you'll be like oh shit someone could be there right now kyle how big is your closet it's not that it's some sort of lifestyles of the rich and famous like really really big closet it's it's a it's an oddly shaped one that they stuck in.

Instead of doing a bonus room, they sort of spun the closet off and it goes around two corners. And there's a little midget sized door that just opens up into attic space. Like straight from inside the house to inside the attic from the second floor through this little bitty door. And it's not meant to be used a lot clearly because it's all insulated and like kind

of plugged in but it's like holy shit like somebody could be living in there oh yeah that's prime throggin territory there's enough ac in here to like stay cool too because the the closet has ac i turned that off because it seems like why am i keeping my clothes cool so it's refreshing to get dressed in them sweat it out you fuckers but but yeah that's a that's a real nightmare scenario um someone living in the house especially if they mean you harm it's one thing if it's some down on their luck like decent person or maybe even someone who's mentally ill who's like childlike in a way in their own way and it's like they're afraid of you like you your guy was terrified of that lady when she he got found out living in her closet ah man i would be terrified i would be just as terrified as the most terrified of home invaders living in closets

especially if imagine this imagine you they were you didn't discover them you found their nest that would be scary because you'd be like, when are they coming back? Where are they now? When are they coming back and where are they now? Yeah, they're probably somewhere else in the house. You cannot react. You can't scream to yourself and say, everyone run out of the house. There were people frogging up here because then they might hear

and maybe they're close to a family member and they hurt them. You've got to carefully get the family out then you've got to call the cops from the outside and it's a whole nightmare that your life has descended into because you just found a nest and i'm imagining like lots of gatorade with some piss in it like piss bottles and like canned foods and like a sleeping bag for sure and maybe it's like a hung up clock radio or TV or like you know some bullshit homeless shit live in my attic right imagine if they're like protected like their chimney sweeps

they have tenants rights like ah you can't evict them you have to wait until they're done breeding well this is uh this is a home an endangered Atlanta homeless you can't force him out he has to choose to leave. Hobos and sparrows.

You got to let them do their thing. Yeah, that would be terrible. I'm going to be scattered on those eastern baths. Because I would assume malice right away. Like, I wouldn't assume they were down on their luck. I would assume this person has a notebook somewhere with a plan on how to kill me and all my loved ones, and they're just biding their time,

enjoying my AC and my plumbing. I think I'd move out. I think I'd move out because now they have a grudge against me, and they know where I live, and they're not going with the life. They're going to be out in a year at worst-case scenario. You've got to run. This is a scary movie.

I mean, there's nothing that's going to stop him. He's homeless. He already knows that much about you. He already broke into your house. He's already snuck down, taken your keys, gone to your giant safe in the basement, and then opened it, and he found your passport, and he found your social card,

and he took pictures of all that, and he put it back in there. That's what he's doing. Do you keep them out like a mouse? Stealing our identity? What if he's stealing our identity? You find the door they came in and stuff. It was steel wool, so they can't come back.

Well, I put out a bunch of sticky traps. You'll die eventually. You're home alone, this bullshit. You can't come back. I caught him in a blue trap this morning. What'd you do?

I didn't have the heart to put him down. I just left him up there. Well, that's a scary thought. I saw a whole mojo top 10. There's a trillion of those. Anything you want to see about. I think it was about top 10 scariest

real life times when someone had lived in somebody's fucking house without them knowing it and it was just yeah i go up in the attic every now and then just make sure just make sure but the real thing in the south it's so hot up there dude it gets impossibly hot up there like like i i'm guessing but 150 150 wouldn't surprise me a bit all day. That would kill you for sure. Yeah, you just die up there. I hope that chipmunk from weeks ago that I saw escape into my garage,

I hope it actually left because otherwise there's just a dead chipmunk. You didn't crack the garage door for him a little? I left it all the way open for hours after I chased him out there. So hopefully he actually left. Otherwise he's dead because that was in the hottest of the year.

I had a bat. So my attic has these, I guess it's like a dormer or something. And there are these slats, kind of like a mini blind, but behind it is screen. And the bat sort of made a little nest outside the house because it was

outside the screen but inside the slats and that was his spot so I wasn't sure how to handle it but what I did is I hit him so he flew away and then I sprayed his nest with like hornet and wasp spray to make it unappealing

question mark that and that seemed to work okay you think it's like i i used to be so fucking dumb that i was like oh wasp poison poison special made for wasps and it's like oh it's just poison yeah yeah race the one with wasp spray there i think that it's mostly just um some sort of petroleum based like think paint thinner or um you know gasoline somewhere somewhere in the middle right on the on the petroleum distillate chart i think it's just pressurized that because do you do you see that clip of those people who like put gas jars on wasp's nest or hornet's nest did you see the one of that retard who like put gas jars on wasps nest or hornets now did you see the one of that retard who like didn't measure it out correctly and so like he put it on there but

there was an overhang and so there was a gap where the wasps could just go like and straight out of it and so then he just got attacked by a bunch of wasps wasps remember your face i i can't possibly pronounce these words wasp killer sprays contain insecticides that are toxic to wasps and hornets the active ingredient in these sprays are pyrethroids and pythons these ingredients are synthetic versions of pythons the point is this they're toxic to wasps and hornets but not as toxic to humans i didn't see that coming is that a size thing though it's like less toxic to us because we're so big i saw i saw a dude get sprayed with hornet spray on youtube one time and he took it very poorly i'm glad you came to me for my opinion on the synthetic versions of pyrethins derived from chrysanthemums. Oh, chrysanthemums.

That is it. Oh, well, that's a word I don't read very often. You're right. I had to backwards engineer that one. I didn't know that they had poison in them. It's spelled C-H-R-Y, chrysanthemums. Yeah, I've seen them do that with the gasoline.

We would honestly always just throw a little cup of gasoline on them i know that seems counterintuitive like you might set a building on fire makes sense but you know that's what we do we just douse them with a little a little bit of gasoline usually did the trick yeah most things hate being covered in gas they hate it and if and if they don't hate it enough well step two is setting them on fire oh you don't like that first thing you're gonna hate this new thing this is yeah there's no animals that are immune to fire no terrestrial animals i don't think so i think we all have uh uh fire um i'm glad you went terrestrial because i had shark on the tip of my tongue i had to i had to hedge real quick

no you can't say fish i mean it's not like he's immune to fire he just happens to be in the water i agree uh you get him up here i'll see how he likes these cigarettes and fucking yeah i don't like it now do you bitch just burning a catfish no it's a shark i wouldn't one torture a catfish no you'd eat it or maybe you wouldn't i know i know you're not the biggest catfish guy with i think i think is incredibly bougie oh okay i thought i actually had catfish uh like like last week or something like that there's a i found a there was like a fish house near me and i was like yeah i haven't had catfish forever um hush puppies and catfish put some fucking lemon juice on that shit i love it

catfish forever um hush puppies and catfish put some fucking lemon juice on that shit i love it uh i this isn't news or i guess it is new it's just something i saw today you know how tall people never live that old like super tall right right kareem abdul-jabbar seven feet tall he's 72 years old 72 has have you ever seen a seven foot person in their 70s ever? I think he might be the only man on earth seven feet tall in his 70s. So whatever his regimen is, whatever Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is doing. It's being rich. It could be. I wonder how rich he is.

Rich as fuck. Yeah, I would imagine he got a bunch of sponsor deals and stuff right what if i had you like what if i named a baseball player from the 70s would you be like yeah he's totally rich 50 years later what's his net worth zach right i don't know i don't know you're posing the idea it's possible he's not yeah no yeah there's no other seven feet tall people in their 70s like on earth there's not one are you sure you checked on this or is just no i didn't follow up i didn't follow up oh it says 25 million so you're right 25 million yeah that's not like uh magic johnson money this is like that south park episode where they're trying to figure out what the cure for

aids is and it's being really fucking rich Kyle really fucking rich but there's tons of super tall basketball players who were rich who check out at 51 because they're like tall as shit and they're I don't know the physics of

why tall people don't last as long God calls them home hmm Bao Zishan why tall people don't last as long god calls them god calls them home i was bow z shun is well don't fucking fact check me zach he's not 70 though he's a three more years bow seven foot nine good gosh it's seven nine sixty seven's impressive and he's i'm guessing he's chinese so there could be some some crisper gene editing going on. It's got to be harder on your heart just to pump that blood a longer

distance. My blood goes from... It does the six foot round, but if you're doing seven feet laps with your blood, that heart's working a lot harder. Even if it is a bigger heart, which can't be good in its own right for certain people. Then black guys that are wealthy

probably eating a lot of you know maybe not staying so healthy you know i just i just feel like culturally black people eat worse than white people you know a lot of a lot of i i really do could be and uh i know there's a lot of diseases especially black southern people i feel like known for a bad diet yes Yes. It's delicious food. Southern people in general, I think, have a bad diet. Yeah, we have the same food. Black people food is Southern poor people food. I love cornbread.

That shit is delicious. Everybody likes cornbread. I'm not talking about that sweet shit. I'm talking about salty cornbread that should not be sweet. We're not making a corn muffin. There's no bad cornbread i mean i make i like all those breads i like banana bread i like cornbread if you want to

hand me some cucumber bread i'm all ears let's try that shit jalapeno um cheese cornbread is just wonderful it's so good but i you know i like all that stuff red lobster biscuits whatever the hell they are sign me oh yeah i told you guys like this is probably eight nine years ago now that i found that you could buy boxes of red lobster biscuit mix at the store and so i like went through a little mini phase for a couple weeks where i was like stop i'm like oh i'm off work from my horrible car rental job and I hate myself. I'm going to get another family-sized box of Red Robin

biscuits to try and cheer myself up. And I would eat a whole box and then you would feel like, oh, you're not supposed to eat this many. It was a short-term win. It was a self-correcting problem because you start to feel rough after three times a week of eating an entire box of those in one sitting.

Were you young and maybe didn't figure out like cooking yet? Is that possible? I could make like all the bullshit stuff like I can do steak. like i can do steak i can do the kind of meals where like i make rice and have meat with it and then like throw broccoli a bag of broccoli in the microwave like that level of young adult cooking okay so not not great i was thrown out of the dorms after my freshman year and uh i had to like feed myself and i was terrible at it. Mind you, I'm like an athlete, and I don't have a meal plan anymore. So I'm like, fuck, what do I eat?

Well, I have unlimited stovetop stuffing, so that's what's for dinner tonight. Just stovetop stuffing microwaved in the big Pyrex measuring thing I used to cook it in. Oh, yeah. I did that a couple times where it's like all right i don't have a lot what are we having for dinner we're having 10 eggs better than mine i remember i was uh i was i was like 19 i think maybe and i was staying at these guys apartment hanging out with them we were drinking we're both very broke at the time and he had rice like like i think maybe minute rice and he had an overabundance of taco bell packets and spicy rice was the most delicious

thing i'd ever had because i was hungry it was so fucking good but yeah i had no idea how to cook um back then i remember i would go home to my mom and she would she would make like a big pot of chili like a couple gallons maybe and then she would make single serving um like containers of it that i would freeze and they would just be in my freezer like 12 bowls of fucking chili in there it's just like i have got to get some vegetables and some roughage or something into this diet. I cannot live on chili. I cannot live on chili. There's not enough beans in here to keep me moving. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I had no idea how to cook until, I don't know, I guess I got an interest in it when I was maybe later 20s, something like that. It became sort of a, and it also like, hey, you could cook for a lady. That seems like a, a cool thing to be able to do. And, and also I remembered, I remember we went to some expensive dinners that I was shocked at how expensive they were.

And, and I remember thinking, I think I can do this. Like, this was $3,000. I, I'm not, no,

I could do this. And like, I just really got into it after a while what is this a group meal three yeah yeah yeah even eight people three grand's a lot it's a big yes it is yes i mean bottle service is the other thing that never just oh it's like eight hundred dollars a fucking bot wait a minute let me that back. The last time I got bottle service, it was $800. It's probably $3,000 a bottle now or something stupid, right? I'm not in this culture. What do you get for bottle service?

And the answer, yeah. See, the answer is not a bottle of alcohol because a bottle of alcohol is cheap. So a table is already implied because that's where they're bringing it so we're already at a table which is an exclusive thing anyway but they're bringing usually at least one maybe two different full bottles of alcohol to the table and then mixers too and so we're making a fucking party station over here in a place where you got to go get in that noisy line. And like you go over there for a drink and you'll be back in 15 minutes or something. You have a hard time hooking back up with the group. And what did you pay? And did you? Oh,

I spilt my fucking thirty two dollar scotch. No, but I got a bottle over here in the corner. You sit on my lap and, you know, have some, you you know it's i think that's usually the idea um but i'm not talking about the balling we did was some amateur stuff because i see people on the internet i see their bills you know they'll show the the bill that people run up at clubs and it's like enough to buy a small house like it's enough to buy it's like verging on six figures you know like a bar tab like run up an eighty thousand dollar bar tab because they're getting like give me a dozen bottles of champagne that's multiple thousand dollars a piece like shit like that just really throwing their money away to flex right yeah that's the thing i guess because i kind of understand how avoiding the line

and if there's a mixing station like someone's turning this gray goose into a bunch of drinks, then that's appealing. No, no, no. You got the vodka, the cranberry juice, orange juice, maybe like apple juice or some shit. That's it. Like we're not. That's pretty fancy.

What's the date? Okay, so there you go. That's 2022. I just don't know how the flex works like if your audio this is 167 000 bar tab we're looking at and and um it's uh here's 189 000 bar tab that's almost all dom perignon you can see that like they were buying they bought four 15 liter bottles and each bottle's 25 grand or something and i maybe yeah i think i read that correctly so they're buying crazy shit they're about 16 850 bottles

of dom um zach i linked to uh the uh the boston bruins posted their post cup winning receipt like 12 years ago in 2011 i just put that up there's like 156 000 but it's like a whole team's worth of drinks 136 bud lights at five dollars each just just a ridiculous nine bottles of gray goose that that would be so much fun to just like be around a bunch of millionaires and not give a shit have you ever been on work trips where everything's covered? Yeah. Yeah. But like when I've gone on work trips, like I've always had the idea of like, all right,

dinner's obviously covered. If I want a beer, I'll have like one, maybe two. Like I don't want to feel. Oh, no. I've been on like 42 pussy at $3. What is that? Hang on. Zach, will at three dollars what is that hang on zach will you show us what an ace midas is it's a 30 liter bottle that cost 125 000 the ace the thing at the very top like that's definitely minus that's what's making this bar tab 203 000 is the good

125 000 there it is okay so you see what happened here and you can almost understand it. He got that young guy. Fuck him. Is that what happened here? No, I'm just saying that bottle. First of all, if you're about to flex and you've got that money or you just won the Stanley

cup cup and you're all going in or whatever, you gotta have one of those. That's dude. And I guess these are the junior size bottles that are probably 20 grand a piece or something yeah that's wacky man yeah i used to go on these work trips where people would try to outdo the previous year's tab and they weren't big like that and by the way this was probably the 90s but they were like 30 40 shit. Yeah. Yeah, I've never been around that kind of bar tab before. No.

Me being me, which is like another straw, or what is it called? The daiquiri thing? Oh, like a virgin? Strawberry daiquiri. Yeah, yeah. Shirley Temple. I just had fucking like $9 Shirley Temple.

I'm going to have to be as fast as I can drink them. More grenadine for me and my friends like the hot bartender asked michael scott what you drink he goes grenadine excuse me uh scotch grenadine what is grenadine they put in sherry temples like that yeah cherry flavor that makes it real sweet cherry it's like the stuff that's the juice in the thing of cherries. In the maraschino cherries. Maybe even sweeter. It's a syrup kind of thing.

It's handy. What was I going to say about the bar tab thing? Not sure. It's gone. It's four hours. Oh, is it? I really enjoyed our guest tonight. That guy was pretty cool. I did too. Check his links out below.

I think my female cowboy hat was right there with his. Parallel. Get your female cowboy hat. I'll get my serial killer glasses. We're going to be looking good. Bro, those are some sick shades. I can't wait. Did you get the ones that like the Invisalign?

Not Invisalign. That's your fucking teeth. The ones that change shade for inside, outside. Can you do that? I hate that. I just wanted clear. Yeah, I don't want to do that. They're this weird in-between thing that's annoying.

I like transitional lenses. I remember when those came out, like, or when they came out to me in the early 2000s. Clip-ons. No, I'm not going to put clip-ons on it. I'll look like a goofball. You're going to look like an undercover cop. Maybe. I'll do that. I'll shave it down to a mustache

and get those clip-ons. Who's that comedian we were talking about earlier? Shane Gillis. He's like, I look so much like an undercover cop. I was going through a checkpoint one time. They thought I was an undercover cop and told me to pull over with them so we could chat.

Like, you're not a cop? No. He's got that stupid mustache and he's white. He's really getting into history like World War II and George Washington and stuff. And he's like, this is a sign of early onset republicanism.

To get into history it was pretty funny well check out our guest down there below I really enjoyed him what a cool guy seemed like a really genuinely nice guy too that whole Vintner crew is good at podcasting of course subscribe to their channel

check out our wonderful sponsors down below. Get your pills. Check out a common like a chump chump. Yeah, I had to self-censor that was too strong. Yes, I got come over to the hotel room tonight. So you have a real man. Does that's all right.

Three rep. PGA 665.