Painkiller Already - PKA 668 W/ Josh Pillault: Obnoxious Kids Names, Betting With The Devil, 2PAC Killer Arrested

Episode Date: October 7, 2023

PKA 668 with our guest Josh Palalt. Taylor? This episode of PKA is brought to you by pharodistro.com. Freeze, pipe, and lock and load. A bunch of wonderful sponsors we'll talk more about later. Josh, thank you for joining us. Glad to be here as always, guys. Did you have a baby?

Yeah, in November. Have I not been on since then? It was right around that time. I know I had buzzed hair last time. Almost a year. Okay. Boy or girl? It's a girl. I'm a had buzz hair last time. Almost a year. Okay. Boy or girl? It's a girl. I'm a second girl and hopefully

final child. They know what causes that. I like to think... Liberalism. I haven't been sniffering. Liberalism. She stole my toothbrush and she's pregnant again. I like to think there's two of them.

There's like a drink thing somebody stealing the condom out of the trash uh yeah we got we got two babies now she's almost a year old already the other one's three congrats man last time i was on here man i just realized earlier that i look wildly different every time i've been on pka last time i had a leather jacket and a shaved head and i remember kyle was like you look like you're fresh out of american history x first time i was on i was like 25 pounds heavier than I am now. Like, man, it's wild that just having fast growing hair and fast changing weight. Oh, yeah.

Dude, if you scroll back through the history of the show, it looks like I've been five different guys. Yeah. I already feel like that about myself. So I can only imagine. Yeah. That was my main gauge. It's great losing weight. Feels good. imagine yeah if i were my main gauge i were like it's great losing weight feels good if i were like

drake and i had dirty whores going through my trash can for used condoms to impregnate themselves taylor would be on full-time salary to give me cum condoms like every day no i need one tonight bro i need one tonight just so that just so that i could eventually get to paternity court and be like weird huh and just see the look in her face. See the look in her eyes when she does. But I took it from the trash. Oh, that was his assistant. That puts Taylor at great risk.

They'll never guess. They'll never suspect. He just needs a DNA scapegoat. He's not going to sell me down the river. You know, I would get... 23 and me six years from now and now Taylor's in the book. And it's a little vengeance because then you're

like, aha, you had your pussy blown out by a big-headed baby for nothing. Yeah. Oh my god, I didn't put that together. My scene has got to make giant children. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. That's probably a hate crime, though. If it was the wrong race my scene has got to make giant children hopefully fingers crossed that's probably

a hate crime though if it was the wrong race it'd be even funnier if it was just a tiny Asian child you could accuse of it it's like no Kyle can still be the father Asian skips a generation they're trying to do math on it making a Mandel square or something no no I think it's just like they have a bill on the table that

one night stands will no longer give the availability for paternity and child support. Where do they have this bill and who has this bill and what happened to it after they tore it up and threw it away?

Because they hit you up for paternity for all sorts of crazy things. There are cases of men being raped and then having to pay fraternity. There are cases where the man wasn't the father and he still had to pay fraternity. It is

like she cheated and they're like, yeah, you're still on the hook. You're kind of being dad like for a while. I'm going to kill myself in front of you and your whole family. I'm ruining Christmas. You try to do that to kill myself in front of you and your whole family. I'm ruining Christmas you try to do that to me. But not before I spend all the money. After I credit

Max, I'm showing up at your Christmas Eve in your family's house and no one there will ever be able to look at a Christmas tree. I'm going to buy things exclusively that you have no value for. Like restaurant food, movies. Subscriptions. things exclusively that you have no value for like restaurant food movies i mean there's like that paternity do you remember uh there's that black guy the black kid who like

looks nothing like bill clinton but claims to be bill clinton's kid they're like every once in a while they like you see something about that where they'll write an article and sometimes depending on what side it is, it'll show a picture of this guy and then Bill Clinton and people will be like, damn, almost spit an image. It's like he looks

nothing like Bill Clinton. He's holding a saxophone. Yeah. He's got a Big Mac and a saxophone in his hand. Clearly Bill Clinton. Big Mac and a saxophone. Yeah. He's got a Big Mac and a saxophone in his hand. Clearly Bill Clinton. Big Mac and a saxophone. His girlfriend looks just like Monica. But I don't think that guy has a case.

And then I guess you could go the other way because there's people who have to be careful about their condoms. And then there are people who want as many illegitimate children as possible. Who's that guy who's got like 15? Elon's got like nine or something. That's small time.

Isn't Nick Cannon? There's like a rapper or an NBA. Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon has a ton of kids. How many offspring does that man have now? And they all got wild ass names too. He's got like 20 kids by like 15 women does he pay all the child yeah he's happy he's making a legacy that's how he sees it yeah i don't think there's

any women who say that elon didn't come through with the child support um there is something about him fussing in a state where there's no cap i think in california like there's no cap and he's paying like a million dollars a month and I was like, this is insane. Still, Elon Musk is building a legacy. He wants to have lots of babies. He doesn't need relationships with these babies and he pays for the child support. He just likes his offspring out

there. If you're hoping to have a nuclear family with Elon Musk, then you picked the wrong guy. But if you're like, you know what? I get a million dollars a month for 18 years, and he gets a kid, and we both agree that this is a win-win, then it could be.

The worst thing about him is using punctuation in his kids' names, like dashes and stuff. It's a joke, but it's's like that's not a good joke there's nothing wrong with that so first of all would you name your son like Zither and then like yeah if he was heir to the greatest fortune on the planet sure he can be

called shit pile if he wants to it can be anything that's a bad name nobody the girls would be like oh I gotta get that shit pile energy in me like they wouldn't care 80 billion dollars or whatever i look you could have picked a better name what i'm suggesting is it's just some shit on paper to like look cool nobody calls that kid that they call him fad or something and a reporter was like hey how's trick nine double x delta and then elon's like you mean bill what yeah huh your son oh i forget yeah every time elon gets a temporary password he's like that's a perfect name

lowercase q is it in there yeah lowercase q there's that i think he has like three kids with x in the name which is like he's a big fan it's not that unique anymore once has like three kids with X in the name, which is like, he's a big fan. It's not that unique anymore. Once you have three kids with X in the name, it should be at least, or I guess by ratio, what's he have a dozen kids. I didn't think Elon had that many. And I thought they were from X,

like married marriages that had eventually not worked out, but like marriages. Whereas Nick Cannon is like spreading. I mean, he's having like a baby born every week right like he's he could host his own like baseball tournament got him lined up there'll be a time 10 or 15 years from now when oh shit it'll be like you know when the holocaust when they had that huge field of people and it's like these are the children that oscar schindler saved

and it's just this huge ocean of jews that he said that schindler said it's going to be like that but nick cannon's children in like 30 40 years it's gonna be a sea of people so he has 11 children with three different moms and i'm reading now to see what his relationship with the moms i don't think he married all three women but i'm looking that's less than i thought i thought it was at least like four or five different women personally yeah for 11 kids i thought it was at least like four or five different women personally. For 11 kids, I thought it was more than three, but I was wrong. I thought it was less than 11.

I always wanted to name a kid, or not wanted to because I had the opportunity, but like XP, XX, JQ, A, XX, U, XQL, but all of them are silent except for Paul. Just P-A-U-L and the rest of the letters are silent. What the hell is going on here? Yeah, the A, the R, both Qs, the D, the L, that's all silent. And then you. That's what it looks like. What the hell is going on here? Oh, it's Bob. Yeah, the A, the R, both Qs, the D, the L.

That's all silent. Wait, your name's all apart. Your name's Bob? You don't pronounce the question mark. The upside down question mark is not actually pronounced there. Is there no part of you, Josh, that's like you want to try for both? Try for a boy also? Or you're like two is the number in your head?

Whatever I get, rolling the dice is all good. Yeah, it was pretty much. We kind of wanted to feel it out after number two if we were going to try for a boy once we found out it was a girl. And man, two is enough for us for now. I can just say we got a lot on the plate with two. Our three-year-old is manic wild all the time. It's just a little too much on our plate, man.

For our own sanity, I don't think three is the answer right now. I think we got our hands full with two. I looked up the Musk thing because I'd be curious if I was a listener. His first five kids were with his first wife and his next six kids were with two girlfriends, one of which was an employee.

Okay. I know one of them. I mean, it just makes sense. It's probably hard to meet someone who's not an employee for him. I think one of them. I mean, it just makes sense. It's probably hard to meet someone who's not an employee for him. I think one of them is trying to get their kids back from him right now or something. They're saying that he won't let her see the kids. There's always some contention with Elon Musk and one of those women in particular because he has that trans child. And there's the whole debacle there that, I don don't know we see like not even half of the the real story but it seems very uh uh contentious you know i think that person changed their name

so that it wouldn't be musk and wants nothing to do with elon and elon blames perhaps liberalism slash that person's mother or you know putting the trans evil in them or whatever. Anime backstory. And you don't know. Maybe that's what they did. Maybe she just kept getting them vaccinated over and over and over. Until they went trans. 55 boosters.

Are you crazy? How much fluoride have you put in that kid's water? You turned him trans. You turned him gay, straight, and then trans again. What have you done? Genitals turned inside out from all the vaccine. I didn't get any of the boosters. I didn't

really see a need. It just kind of... The news stopped reporting, so it seems safe. I was thinking of getting a booster. I got one booster last year. I was going to Mexico. There's going to be all these flights and stuff and people in Mexico City.

So I got a booster. But you can get your flu shot and COVID booster together. I was like, I might just do that. Yeah. Does that not kick your ass? I haven't tried it. When I got a flu shot, I feel kind of sick. And the second time when I got a COVID booster,

I only got one. I felt sick then. I could imagine both of them at the same time. That's how you know it's working. Shut up. I use it as an excuse not to lift weights that day, so it's not all bad. You need to get another booster, man.

You don't have to say. Oh, yeah. I just got my booster yesterday, guys. I'm getting another one tomorrow. Yeah, I got my booster this month. Thank you for my excuse. I got one coming up in a few months, so I can't go work out today, guys. I'm sorry.

Yeah. Oh, dude. So my new fish tank came in yesterday and it's pretty big in my mind. It's about two feet tall on a three foot stand and then it's four foot by three foot, right? So it weighs

488 pounds and it came and I've been so excited. I waited seven months for this thing. I've been waking up every morning and the first thing I do is crack open my laptop and check its shipment status. And you know, for seven months, nothing happened. Anyway, it finally arrived yesterday and it is my Christmas. I'm just checking it out. I set up the stand almost immediately and now i have to get the fish tank on the stand it weighs 488 pounds and uh i'm like i'm going through my list and and like most of the people that i'm thinking of are either like a little incompetent or not strong like the most competent people I know aren't good at lifting shit.

You guys would have been great. Like it. Imagine you had to carry a couch down the stairs. There are some people where you'd say, nah, I'll just go solo on this. Right. I'm going to power it over my head like an ant.

Right. Right. And then there are some people you you know you would just get it if they had a suggestion on a twist or something better than average chance is a good idea etc yeah so i'm going through my list and i'm just like i i think i'm gonna go solo on this and uh you know not totally solo because jackie's helping me like you know i'm like all right i'm gonna put this on that hold that still so it doesn't move while I put the tank on top of it. And Jackie is just going wild watching me like tip this 488 fish tank, 488 pound fish tank, like on its edge and working up their garage is like two steps to lead into the kitchen.

And, you know, I'm like muscling it over that a step at a time, making it go. I have unlocked a new kink in this woman. She is just all about me. Today I brought down a reclining chair because we're going to put it in that room. And she's just like, hmm. That is a very tactical kink of hers. Does she also love when you mow the lawn and do the dishes? You ruined it, Taylor.

It's ruined now. I bet if you got the Atlas stones, she'd get bored quick. Suddenly you're like moving your own go-kart and she's like bored. You move her recliner downstairs. Lift the big, heavy, bulky shit around. Women do tend to like the get the aquarium installed. So I spent today doing the plumbing. The plumbing is kind of complicated.

There's another 60 pound or 60 gallon tank underneath it that holds all the filters and stuff. And what I've gotten as far as running to Home Depot, buying all the appropriate fittings and dry fitting everything together. But it was time to do the show and I'm like, I don't want to rush the glue up or anything. It's for another day. What's it going to weigh with the water in it, man? How many gallons? Altogether, see the question is almost wrong. There's like 160 gallons, but there's some rock and sand where the water isn't which is it displaces the gallons to lower that number but it's even heavier than water so uh

if you just do 150 times nine that'll probably get you pretty close so a big number yeah and then add about 3 50 550 pounds to that. And it's salt water. Does that add that much, actually? Yeah, yeah. Salt water is heavier than fresh water, but I hopefully worked it in. I don't know. A pound a gallon or something?

I think it's 8 versus 8.8, something like that, or 8 versus 8.5. 8.8 was so easy for calculations. Yeah, I know it's heavier. And I guess it depends on the... Why is 8 easy? That's a very complicated number to me, to multiply by things. Prove it, Kyle. And I guess it depends on the... Why is 8 easy? That's a very complicated number to me to multiply by things.

Prove it, Kyle. 8.8 times 10. Well, you had a zero. You called my bluff. I'm out. But anyway, maybe 1,500 pounds, roughly. Yeah, and I guess it depends on the salinity of the water, obviously, too, because you see that Dead Sea shit on YouTube where the people float and they're just barely depressing the water because it's so salty which is why that's way saltier though like fish can't even live in there oh the dead sea yeah

yeah yeah no you guys are right but the um the salinity of ocean water is super duper consistent throughout the entire planet okay you go to the dead sea it changes but in the ocean it's really consistent yeah well i look forward to seeing everything installed yeah i hope it doesn't crash the floor or anything but i should be sad yeah no that would suck that would take seven months like a crack in that tank would be cataclysmic like it's really i mean the the car was just struck by lightning i'm not sure which is a bigger problem it's because you talked about selling your soul to the devil a couple weeks ago that's what it is things have been going wrong apparently inside the car apparently it's hard to sell yourself sold directly to Satan himself, but there's like 16 demons or something.

And I was reading up and like each one you would get, you would approach that demon because they provide help with X, Y, or Z. There's like a, the same way, like, Oh,

this is St. Christopher. It's for when you lose something or whatever that nonsense is. There's like a demon for like gaining power over people or maybe a demon for gaining possession. There's like 16 demon for, uh, like gaining power over people or maybe a demon for gaining possession. Just there's like 16 or 18 of them. Imagine the demon that gives cash just has a line out the door, right?

Then like, I'll say, Oh, health issues, maybe financial values in mind, but yeah, the health issues demon. Yeah.

And that, that seems like a risk. Yeah. There's any, any actual, um, you know, demon worshipers out there who would like a fresh

soul let us know I'm currently looking around for someone who's interested for a good deal Josh would you sell your would you sell your soul to the devil for something because Kyle and I are big time team don't sell your soul to the devil

Woody doesn't care Woody treats it like it's some blasé thing. Let me lay out the exact scenario. Don't think it won't get competitive offers from the Tooth Fairy. I'm talking about getting a guy in the call who's an actual

demon worshipper or some sort of grand wizard of them or some such and enter into a contract with Woody and meanwhile Woody has a piece of paper that I've mailed him that has the contract written out and then he he lances his thumb puts a little bloody thumbprint on there whatever and uh agrees to sell his soul to this man um for the as a middleman for the devil i suppose or some demon um and you know make the whole thing official and i was just, I would not do that. No, I don't think so, man.

I mean, theoretically, I've never been, I don't remember ever having been just a soul. If you're signing this contract, that means it exists. You're going on to somewhere. If that's true, this paper proves it or whatever, then I don't want to risk the ownership of that. I don't know. I'm just going to take my odds. This contract doesn't just prove that the buyer's stupid?

I mean, if that's the case, then sure. But I mean, if we're talking about this supernatural paranormal scenario where you know you're going to get this result four years old. That's the point. I'm not sure. No, we don't know. I am not sure. I am 99% sure that my soul will not then be in possession of a demonic otherworldly being.

Oh, okay. So you're saying just in case. Just in case. Yeah, this is like a motherfucker i've never had a car accident in my life every time clickety click clickety clack buckle it up not selling my salt any any any no okay i guess you got a good point it's a little bit too high risk for potential reward there i guess you got a good point even if you take that philosophically if it's a 1% chance of this eternal thing going on, then maybe you're right.

Maybe you shouldn't trade it for the next 50 years of success. Let's say that you're not selling your soul. Selling somebody else's? Done. Death or $10 million. It's not 50-50. 99% chance you get the cash. Would you roll the dice on that? Nah.

How do you die? Quickly. Instantaneous death? Yeah. Do you know that you got it wrong? It'd be like the button fall. Where you do a painless turn into dust. I didn't think I'd make it this far.

Oh, me too. You didn't think you'd make it to 37? I didn't think I'd make it to 30? Oh, I thought I'd blow myself up like 10 years ago. I thought you were going to blow yourself up. Every time I pulled that trigger, I was like, here we go. You did almost die a couple times, that's true.

I figured something would happen. I just recently saw on Twitter that video. Oh my god. It crops up every once in a while. Everyone's like, where's FPS Russia? I wish he would come back. If you think of it like that, right? Where like,

I don't even know I've gotten it wrong. I'm just gone. Yeah. Why not push the button? Why not push the button? You'll never know what happened. Either A, now you've got $10 million.

Or B, silence. Ride's over. You'd do that a 50-50 shot. You would would hit that button i thought he said 99 no no i said 99 to 1 oh 99 to 1 i'll give you better odds than that taylor that's like 75 and i pull it twice that's an interesting question how many times would you pull it is 10 double i i i get my 10 i'd be like double or nothing nothing? And the devil would be like, what does that even mean?

I get an extra soul. I want a one-up like Mario, motherfucker. I get a one-up, extra life, up in the top right of the corner of the screen, or you get the soul and 10 million. He'd be like, shit.

This guy's a good bargainer. One of those souls that I already took off somebody. I could get it. If we go on a roll against Satan, man, what do you value a one-up as? A one-up is worth way more than $10 million. He's going to bamboozle you. You don't want to get in a negotiating battle with the devil.

Why do you think the one-up is so valuable? What happens when you actually It's like you fall over dead And then you stand right back up Good as new And hopefully they replace the kidney failure You made it to 81 years old You can hardly remember your name You drool a little bit

And you don't walk so well You die Now you bounce back You drool a little You can't remember your name But you don't walk so well you die i use okay now you bounce back you drool a little you can't remember your name but you don't walk so well what kind of deal is mario 3 mario world he's running around fucking swinging that feather thing doing his spins he gets he hits uh one of those plants potter plants or whatever falls he's little mario again now he shrinks down little kyle again i'll die as the 81 year old and i'll fucking one up like i'll and i'll be little kyle and i'll be like shit let's do this again with our 10 million dollars we took off 20 million dollars we took off how little like you need to

find new parents i want to be eight i want to be eight years old because at eight years old you're physically strong enough to like manipulate the world you. You could pull switches and knobs and door handles and everything. Dude, you could walk right up to anybody and punch them in the dick and they can't say shit. Not only that, you're an eight-year-old worth $20 million. You're like McCauley Culkin. That's better than anything you

can imagine now. I'm pulling the button twice, Woody. That's my answer. I'm pulling it twice. If the devil will give me the one-up and let me be childlike Macaulay Culkin who punches people in the dick with $20 million. I don't want to be 18. I want to be 16 because I can't wait eight years to come again. And to come and wait – what do you mean? Eight years old, you just have to wait three years.

Which is worse? Which is worse? As an eight-year-old with an 80-year-old mind is it worse to find yourself some nine-year-old poon or to like find some pedophile out there who's down oh those are both i don't know if you're down and you have adult like competency and thought processes, you're practically doing the Lord's work by satisfying this guy's needs. Wait, so you're not even getting to enjoy childhood again in your own scenario?

Childhood? My brain in that body. Fuck childhood. Did you have fun? Yeah, a lot of it was pretty fun. Oh, let's do high school all over while we're at it. Get the hell out of here. No, we're not doing school.

You're going to be taken into a foster home and abused and satan will be laughing and then they're gonna the state is gonna claim your 20 million because they don't just want to hang out my british lawyer mr mcgovern's whatever i say he has power of attorney over me but my other dude fucking franz he'll kill that motherfucker if he says anything i don't like so the triumvirate that i've created with me at the head we can do anything legally speaking as an eight-year-old millionaire not at all you're eight years old franz is going to be hammering toothpicks under your fingernails until you give him the password and then he has 20 million and you're eight that's just not what what world are we living in where a password gives away my fortune? A bank account.

Like, whatever... I've got a cash I haven't invested? I deserve to lose if I haven't invested my money properly. What are we doing? With a one-up I haven't invested? Oh, come on. I don't know if you can have an investment account at eight. Power of attorney.

Yeah. He's calling the shots. We're making all this happen. you have kind of a blank check situation going on here actually that movie hasn't been out either i think that if you can prove you are earning your own living you can like get all this adulthood stuff ahead of schedule yeah i forget the word for it but that's that's what's up like that's about leaving your parents no uh like a financial version yeah yeah i know i i hear celebrities doing it occasionally you've got those kids who are like you're taking all my goddamn money what are you talking about i'm the one in makeup at 5

a.m since i was seven that used to happen to every single child star like it's like the opposite of a conservatorship yeah yes or it'd be the opposite of that a non-conservatorship that retarded nfl player who was in that movie where sandra bullock you're gonna have to narrow it down he's from here michael or blind that slow-minded nfl player who sandra bullock made the movie about you know she comes in like oh sugar you're so big and strong i bet you plays football if you just had a white family take care of you and he did and he went to the nfl and they've had a conservatorship on his ass his whole life that movie came out when i was a kid they just took the conservatorship off last week yeah he's been how long has he been in the what states i don't know how long he played i don't

know his career but i know the man like was in the nfl and the movie see here's the thing fuck the nfl like unless you're like a big time guy you're not making that crazy crazy money that movie made like 150 million dollars or some shit you know that was a huge deal and it's his story it's uh it's pretty wild he's like radio if radio could play ball was there not a part of radio i i have not seen radio in so long skills didn't he no radio had good vibes he's like forrest gump basically oh no no force could play ball um yeah no he basically in radio cuba gooding jr went full retard and he paid the prize you know that didn't do very well because he can't play ball he's more

of a mascot it's like rudy except they never let him play they just cheer and lift him up he pushed a shopping cart around like a homeless person with like a ham radio in it yeah that's what i remember the most he had that ham radio at that time i thought cuba was a good actor because i had seen um men of honor with robert down i Robert Downey. I can't remember. It's where he's the true life story of Carl Brashear, the first African-American Navy

diver. It's a reconnaissance diver or not rescue. Maybe it's reconnaissance, rescue and recovery. Something like that. But they send them down into terrifyingly cold waters in those old-timey suits. It's a really good movie.

Then he made eight more stinkers. Did you ever see Snow Dogs? I did, but I saw it when I was 11, so I remembered being like, this is all right. I was that age. Then a year later, I was like, that's lame, man. I do remember seeing radio around that same age, maybe a bit younger, and even having the perspective at that time to be like, ooh, this is a little ham handed here.

Like this guy's really, really retarded in a way that Forrest Gump is not even close to. No. Forrest had like a dozen pretty impressive skills he was great at ping pong he was really fast at football he did what is a baffling ultra marathon across the country seemingly came up designer the the smiley face guy that was he was a ship's captain and a multi-millionaire you had so he was a good investor. That was one of my favorite parts of the story is that Forrest was the only

shrimper who was dumb enough to be out shrimping in the hurricane. His was the only boat that survived because everyone else was lost at their moorings or whatever. Now he owns the whole shrimp industry because he's the only one with a fucking boat left floating. I like that little part because it kind of made sense.

Some of the other stuff, it's like, I don't know. Have any of you guys ever read the book? I read the sequel. Dude, it's one of the worst books I've ever read in my entire life. In the book, he's a math savant. He becomes the world chess grandmaster. He goes to outer space.

Whole kit and caboodle. He becomes a professional wrestler and a rock star. Smokes a lot of pot. It's insane. And it's very, very loosely related. It's amazing to me that they took that and cut out the garbage acid head part and made it into one of the best American films ever.

Because that movie is, I mean, the book's a clusterfuck. In the book, was he more or less retarded than more, more? He was basically like non-functioning other than math. He was pretty much at the point where he stumbled into all of these things. He was a hyper genius for math and that's why he got sent into space. And then he crash landed on his way back from space and lived in the

jungle with cannibals where he learned how to play chess from one of the cannibals and then went on to win the grandmaster championship because it was a math problem in his head. The cannibal tribe knew how to play chess from one of the cannibals and then went on to win the Grandmaster Championship because it was a math problem in his head. The cannibal tribe knew how to play chess. They had chess. Yes, they had chess. And he also learned how to sign language with a chimpanzee that lived in the jungle with him.

It's an insane book. That tribe skipped some steps in the Civ pipeline. They were just like, no, we don't need pottery or archery. I was going to call out pottery. Straight to strategy games. Yeah, it was like they had like no we don't need pottery or archery straight to strategy games yeah yeah it was like they had some kind of leak you know they had like fabric clothes and things they'd had contact with society or something and it was just the most absurd and i remember reading it going this is how did they make this movie out of this what genius had this vision to go

take out the the stoner parts and you got an amazing story here because the rest of it's in it the the movie is in the book. There's just way more. I was shocked by what a foul mouth Forrest Gump had in the second book. There's a second one? Yeah. I wanted to know what happens next. That's why I read it. I watched the movie and then I was like,

I need to know more about Forrest Gump. When did he stop running? It was a terrible second book. It sounds like it was right there with the first. He cursed a lot. He became a pig farmer. He had some brilliant idea to put the poop in a cave system, but then the methane gas caught fire and exploded the entire city from below.

All the poop came over everyone and the landscape was destroyed. It was a terrible book. Mine was full of gold. That sounds about right. You want to hear a sad story? I heard this today. How sad? It's a little depressing. So, in the 60s,

this guy became the first person to ever circumnavigate the globe in a rowboat. Not a rowboat. A sailboat. Solo. He made a pit stop in Australia. He left England, went all the way down Africa, past Australia, around Cape Horn of South America, and then back up, right? It's by himself. And nobody thought it was going to be a big deal,

but the public really clung on to it. It became a big news story, and the newspaper that had paid him a very small amount, actually, for his story did bonkers sales because they had the guy's story that they could print and publish. So they were like, we got to get some more of this.

We made a ton of money off this guy. It didn't cost us anything. Let's sponsor a new race around the globe, but this time, no stops. That'll be the new thing around the around the globe um but this time no stops that'll be the new thing and we'll like whoever gets the best time gets seventy thousand dollars in adjusted monies and uh money so it brought out the best in the world like a dozen of the best um solo fucking uh sailors in the world they had these wild accomplishments that they had all achieved in various fields of sailing. One of them had been in the Navy for many years, just all sorts of stuff, except for one guy. This guy needed the money. This guy was an Englishman who had a business

selling navigational gear for boats. It was failing. And the loan that he had taken out to start his business that fed his family was being called upon by the man who'd given it to him. And he's in this real pinch where he can't pay that man. He can barely feed his family. But here's this opportunity. He's an engineer by trade or by education. And so he tells the man who's wanting the money back, I don't have. Here's what we could do. I can win this race. I'm an engineer. I can design a boat that's better than anyone else's boat. I can sail it more efficiently than anyone else can.

I can win this $70,000 and more. And the guy thought about it and was like, yeah, all right. I will pay for your boat. I will, wherever you need, I pay for your boat i will wherever wherever you need i'll build your boat you do the race but if you don't win you pay me back for the boat so now it's a no-lose situation for this guy you know he's whether whether he wins the race or not this guy's getting his money back he's he's happy to do it so he starts building the boat but it's quickly getting to the deadline for when he needs to leave.

Everyone's left at different times, but there's a window. They're going to time you. But they're like, all right, from May to October. In those five months, you leave. I think the prevailing winds or currents or tides or something have something to do with it. It's like, hey, this is our window to do this thing. It's a 10-month race. It's a 10-month race.

So low. Okay? Because we're not stopping in Australia this time. So, the newspaper wants to make a big deal of this thing. They get everybody fired up. They got like 100,000 people there to crack bottles of champagne and see this guy off, and he is fucking

terrified because the boat's not ready. The boat's not ready, and he's begging his wife without saying it out loud to give him an excuse not to go. She says he cried all night the night before in bed, weeping aloud. And I said nothing. And she's like, I should have said something because he kept saying, boat's not ready. The boat's not ready. So they're like, hey, how about we want you to leave from this port not that one he's like why it's 100 miles extra for me like yeah i know but that's where the crowd can get biggest we've

got we can put there's a hotel there for everybody to stay and there's a big there's a big port that everybody can stand and see you leave so they did that 100 miles is nothing we're going around the fucking planet supposed to take three days two weeks later he hadn't made up those two weeks and everybody's like oh shit this is our guy this is our guy because everybody else is like halfway to the bottom of africa so he takes off and he's right away something breaks like as he's leaving they're like oh look at that that broke he fixes a little takes off over the horizon it can things continue to break. They have his journals, his log books.

It's just like one thing after another. Another screw fell out of the wheel down to two. Just all this crazy shit. He's using Morse code. I don't know how that works in the water, but somehow he can communicate with that back to England. I really don't know how that technology works in the 60s, but basically he's taking on water and he knows he is he's he's getting he's getting like 30 gallons a

day uh and it's trimaran in the in one of the uh marans what do you call them the pontoons or whatever and then 75 gallons are leaking into the boat every night when he rests but but he can't quit because it's this huge embarrassment. He's terrified to fail because they've got the whole country invested in him. They're cheering his name back home. So he realizes he can't win. He realizes he can't even make it to around Africa. So he basically decides that if he fakes his log books and pretends like he went around the world and just hangs out in the Southern Atlantic for months and months, then when the other guys come around, he can just fall in behind them.

And he doesn't want to win. He just doesn't want to be humiliated. He just wants to finish. He wants to finish. And he figures, like, nobody's going to look into my log books that heavily because I'll be, like, eighth place. There's a dozen of us in the race. Four drop out right away.

Then three more sink. Then, finally, the four remaining make it around Africa. And this guy's losing it. He's been at sea for months and months in the South Atlantic by himself, treading water, basically. He's chilling. And he's like, oh, finally. He radios back home lets him know like i'm in fourth place or fifth place i can't win but i can finish and they're like

disappointed but it's okay and then the frenchman who's in the lead says making sailing a contest is against everything that sailing's about and he turned around and he started sailing around the world in the opposite direction he said he wanted to do it again and he did um badass guy was cool uh-huh and then so now it's like but now there's like an englishman and like some other guy still ahead of him one of those guys they both like think or quit and so now it's just him oh one of them of them makes it. The other one sinks. And now he, everybody's looking at him. He's going to win. Like based on where he's telling me is.

Because one guy was prepared for it and took a smarmy French approach and turned around like that. The other 11 sank. And so you can see in his log books, he realizes they're going to find me out. I can't go home. So he sells West. and he slowly goes insane and his writings in the log books are like something it's like poetry mixed with the insane ravings of a madman and a mathematician so he's so smart that there's like these equations everywhere and i'm sure they mean something like they said that the cognitively speaking,

it was much more difficult. All of the four forging the log books than actually just navigating around the planet. They're like, that's a hard thing to do navigating around the planet. But what he had done forging all those log books and all the, and the math required was way more difficult. They found his boat wasn't in it. They found his boat, wasn't in it,

they got his journals, and they sold them to the newspaper. Oh my god. His family got nothing. Of course. What shitty newspaper was this? Somebody to boycott. I don't recall. It was so sad.

Taylor will never buy that paper. Not once will I buy the Washington Post of 1805. Yeah, that sounds like no one was ready for this race. It's 1960-something. It's like mid-60s. Oh, so like well into the time that sailing around the world is like whatever. They were the first people to do it.

Oh, in a sailboat. In a sailboat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, by yourself in a sailboat. Kyle's saying that people hadn't been doing it solo until then. In a sailboat. Yeah. Okay. Well, by yourself in a sailboat. Kyle's saying that people hadn't been doing it solo until then.

Oh, by the way, ham radios can bounce the signal off of the atmosphere, and it just ping-pongs off the Earth atmosphere and goes far beyond land of sight. Did they use Morse code using that? Yeah, it's part of the ham radio. I have a ham radio license. I'm kind of a renaissance man. And you have to learn Morse code to get some of the higher levels of ham radio license. If he's already cheating his way through the entire race, why wouldn't he just be like, you know,

easier than forging these books is just pretending to have lost them. Hey, I was taking on so much water water it soaked my logbook and it destroyed it like that that is so much smarter than but also i like the idea that if i'm ever in a situation like that i'm absolutely making up math and writing it all over whatever place i am and like yeah and he'll be like no there's there's a lot of threes in that section you can tell that he just kind of honestly bored. Honestly, if one of us was writing the crazy math, they'll call Miss Jones the third grade math teacher

and she'll be like, nah. All they need to know is like order of operations and like this guy's retarded. He doesn't know what he's doing. I would draw something that looks like math. You try to pretend like it's a beautiful math when you're just doing basic algebra.

Yeah. That's I heard in Oppenheimer. They had a, actually I saw the podcast of the mathematician they hired for Oppenheimer because there are some people who get really upset if like the equations on the chalkboard are inappropriate for the scene, for the group, et cetera.

Apparently Goodwill hunting has like bullshit easy math in it and they act like he's a fields medal winner let me give you an example where you care all right it's a hockey movie they got plays on a chalkboard in the background now you care okay that's fair because i drew the play i drew the plays instead of someone who knows it's just X's and squigglies. There's nine players. There's too many X's and not enough O's. I would draw up the flying V just for people who know that no.

That would have been a good end to Miracle where the American team's like flying V and then they just immediately humiliated because they go on. I don't think Miracle on Ice is the best hockey movie it's a good one definitely a good

sports movie the one slapstick maybe I just like shot everybody loves that but me dude when he puts a bounty they're like you can't put a bounty it's like some beer league you can't put bounties on people I just did yeah and then those brothers coming out with their teeth knocked out and shit during they they start the fight before the Bounty? It's like some beer league. You can't put bounties on people. I just did.

And then those brothers come out with their teeth knocked out and shit during the... They start the fight before the anthem plays. And they're bleeding during the anthem. That's a good scene. Did it bother you that the Hanson brothers didn't look tough? Like, ah. They looked hockey tough to me. They looked like skateboard kids

who were down. Yeah, they did look like skateboard kids who would like down yeah they did look like skateboard kids who would fight a lot of their like slap shot toughness was like danny not danny tefito fucking uh uh that little guy from the fucking casino uh joe pesci it was like joe pesci style toughness where like the the brothers the hansen brothers weren't like a lot of their fights weren't like squaring up and throwing dukes. It was like waiting until the other guy skates by them and then taking a dome shot with their stick to their temple.

And then everyone like basically being like air bud rules where they're like, well, it is beer league, you know, keep, keep going or minor league, whatever.

Yeah. I think that's definitely my favorite slap shot. Never in all my hockey years. And I'm not definitely my favorite hockey movie, Slapshot. Never in all my hockey years, and I'm not that big a hockey player, but I played. Have I seen anyone or heard of anyone putting tinfoil on their knuckles? Is that a thing ever, anywhere? No, there's no way that's a thing.

It wouldn't add any mass or anything. It wouldn't make it hurt me. They would tape up their hands, which is a fighting thing, so it kind of made sense. But they would put aluminum foil in the tape if i recall i don't know what good that would do i don't feel like that would help and i don't i don't think you're allowed to tape your fists up in the nhl like they would probably like see that as a panel it should be a penalty like there's already fighting and it's the only major sport with fighting you shouldn't be able to tape your knuckles needs to it needs to have some sort of

sense of pomp and circumstance there's a reason for the fights in hockey if you don't know hockey you might just be like oh it's a dumb sport where they allow fighting i remember i got into an actual argument with my junior english teacher because like she started like saying in the middle of class like and hockey like there's no reason for the fighting it's just barbaric it's just ridiculous no other sport has it and like already she and I did not see eye to eye and like we had a probably 15 to 20 minute like debate that became a bit of an argument about how wrong she was. And she had no knowledge of hockey other than that. She hated the fighting part. And so she had no answer to like the,

let me ask you this. Steve, there are other leagues where fighting is more penalized. I don't think there's very much fighting in international hockey. Are there concerns for people who don't know? They basically say fighting stops people from taking runs at their best player because the guy who takes a run will get beat up fighting stops people from doing stuff like slashing to the helmet or poking

or maybe just jamming you with the butt end of the stick um all these things have consequences in the form of your team's tough guy dropping the gloves and beating you up and they say it keeps players in line but there are other leagues with less fighting. Do those bad things happen a lot in those leagues? In those leagues? It's also a different culture in different leagues. Europeans, it's not nearly as physical a game. A lot of that comes down to the fact that NHL is on smaller ice surface than the larger European-style ice,

and so it's just a different play style. A lot of it is that americans and canadians in particular play the game of ice hockey very very heavy and very physical canadians in particular like for a long time canadians just ran roughshod over people because i'm like you might anticipate like oh the russians they're so tough and all that like they're still european hockey players and so like a big problem for russians coming over here back in the day when they first started was like they'd get slobber knocked by some big ontario boy who'd been training for that his entire life the philadelphia

flyers basically the fly with the game that was broad street bullies fucked them up that's the worst thing for my argument pro fighting becauseing because the Broad Street Bullies had no they didn't even try to win a lot of the time. They were a great team, but when it became clear they were losing, they're like, you know, if we take out let's do a little mental math here. They only have five starters. What if they had two starters?

That's good for our team. Cobra Kai method. Cheating, knocking out. I think, yeah, we've talked about that before. I guess the stakes are higher though, right? Cobra Kai method. Cheating, knocking out. We've talked about that before. I guess the stakes are higher though, right? If you're playing in the NHL, I would imagine there's a lot of money on the line if you're

getting wins or loses. I don't know what they're playing for in Europe. They're just smaller leagues. Also money. People tend to care about the Olympics quite a bit. That's true. Yeah.

I was younger. I thought it was allowed to fight. I always had that stereotype as well until I was about 15 or 16. And I knew a guy who was really into hockey. He said, no, they're not allowed to do that. Sometimes they kind of look the other way.

Cause they just want them to get it out and get it over with, but it's not allowed in any capacity. Really? The penalty is just very, okay. The penalty is very weak. That's another way of putting it. Five for fighting like that. That's the, that just very okay the penalty is very weak that's another way of putting it five for fighting like that that's the that's the reason there's a band called that but yeah five minutes for fighting it's it's one of the most fun parts of hockey

and like what i like about the culture of fighting is that refs will get chewed out and booed if they are perceived to stop it too quickly and announcers like if there's a fight going on and there haven't been a few good you know throws yet they the announcers will even be like oh it looks like the ref stepped in a little prematurely there and they're like that's right tom it looks like they just got fighting and yeah i don't think that's gonna do it we got one swing i love that it's like no like at least let them each eat a couple hands and then you can kind of tell when they're over it and then they give each other a little side hug and a back pat and they say you know good rock or whatever the fuck and then you just get back to the their bench

so it's a wonderful thing that's how that's why there's the canadians are so aggressive in the nhl is that they don't have like i don't think they have a military that's where they get it all out they get it all out on the ice that's why they're the best that's even remotely true there's no military, there's no police I don't think they have boxing they got these Mounties

but after World War II they had to sign an agreement that they was they wouldn't have an army anymore like them germany and japan all had to disarm the axis well i mean japan had to because of like a an imminent threat canada did because it was embarrassing our side of the aisle we were like guys come on like mexicans are looking yeah the mexicans are looking and the mexicans are making fun of us i love that i scene in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood when Brad Pitt tells Leonardo DiCaprio,

don't cry, the Mexicans will see. Gives him his sunglasses so the Mexicans won't see him fucking crying. Josh, if you were to improve any of the four major sports, make it more fun, more intense, what would be a rule change or two you might throw in the mix? Oh, man, I don't know too terribly much about sports,

but I'll say that football, when the ball hits the ground, it's still live like rugby. That makes it intense. That's why I enjoyed watching rugby. I don't know a ton about it, but somebody fumbles in American football, still live. Pile on it. Get it.

Go. That'd be interesting. That'd make it a wildly different game it would and yeah they also wear don't wear pads they wear you know they take their ears and they wear a cup but they're doing the same tackles that i as far as i can tell for the most part you know similar tackles and stuff to american football so um you know since i'm not the one going in the mix let's take the pads and the helmets out too i do a rugby style rubber helmet tape your ears up that'd be interesting to see for the first season they implemented

that because immediately the game would shift to smaller guys with good cardio because you can only have so many 480 pound monsters running it around. I know all those guys are athletes. Even the biggest, fattest lineman

is unbelievably strong and a real athlete. he would succeed in anything. They're fast for their size. But like those plays, those highlights where like a defensive or a D lineman or whatever, like picks up the ball and starts running it. And you immediately feel like they run the way I do in a dream where they're just like kind of

like slowly ambling there towards the fucking uh end zone and you can see everyone around him just flying is that finger supposed to point that way no that's when uh that guy got knocked out see this is what i don't like about the nfl the fucking gang signs on the field like come on dude he's screaming in pain you don't see that in baseball no you don't see that in baseball america's america's pastime so how on a scale of one to ten how scared are you of the phillies um i got three i guess i think you're i think you're obviously seven percent i i think i think you're just seven percent to to take the series seven yeah i mean there's a lot of teams still left.

I think it's something like that. I thought I didn't understand. I was thinking of the series involving the Braves and the Phillies alone. Yeah, I only care about winning the series. I hear you. It's fun because my team's up against yours. I wonder what the odds are. I think the 20th is when it starts.

I think Atlanta's like a negative 185. So you'd have to bet $185 on Atlanta to win. And then if they do so, you get $100. Zach says Braves are plus 300. But I forget how that plus minus. I've learned it. I promise you were favored. I wouldn't doubt that. Yeah, I would think

you are. The plus 300, minus 185, these things all don't mean enough to me. We need to get into sports gambling so we understand it. That's illegal in my state anyway. I think if it's 300, then you'd have to bet 300

on the Braves to win and you'd get 100 back. Now it says Atlanta's minus 175, which I think is maybe what you said before. 185 is what I'd seen. Atlanta has a 63% chance to advance. I get that way more. They're the number one seed. They're the number one seed. They're the number one seed, their best team in baseball.

Broke a bunch of records this year. Some silly records, but also – Did they get the home run? I don't think they got the one for the whole team. I could be wrong about that, but they set – one guy set a franchise record for home runs. He hit over 50, and then Acuna Jr. did a 40- a 40 70 which is a brand new thing they 40 40 was the thing right yeah it's 40 40 season 40 home runs and 40 stolen bases and he like tacked 30 on what

you normally brag about and set a record founded the 40 70 club yeah i him and the commissioner's new rules set of course i'm not blind to that it's it's obviously he wouldn't have stolen 70 bases without the new rules uh and there's a lot of them that kind of combine together to make stolen bases easier but yeah it's going to be a fun series looking forward to it atlanta's got home field advantage throughout the entire you know playoffs and the world series because they won that um so it'll be i don't want to just i occasionally read about it uh that's how i follow sports mostly and uh but i did watch the highlight of the phillies hitting a grand slam against the marlins that's how they kind of had an insurmountable lead ish in the closeout game cool anyway there's a shot clock kind of on the pitcher now. So they, they have to keep the game moving and it,

I love the idea. I think it's good for the game. I think it's, it's been great for this season, but in that moment, I didn't like it. The dude hit a grand slam and the next guy's up there like swinging away. And the crowd's like still talking about the previous play.

Like it was a little fast, but I didn't know they implemented a change like that. That's interesting. Oh, yeah. People saying baseball is boring, I'm guessing. It's to speed up the game. They cut an hour off the game times, but they score more runs in that shorter game.

They did a bunch of things. When they go to extra bases, they just throw a fucking guy on second. They really wanted to speed the game up. They should have made these changes when they go to extra bases, they just throw a fucking guy on second. Like, like, like they, they really wanted to like speed the game. They should have made these changes like 105 years ago. Wow. It wouldn't feel so weird.

Yeah. You're a, your first baseman for the Phillies. His name's escaping me. Is it Brian? Cruck? Well, they just moved to the first Pablo,

Tommy John surgery, the Phillies, the guy, Bryce Harper thanks yeah that guy's fun that you've got one of the more fun guys in all of baseball as far as a um good on the microphone and on social media and like the way he handles his business on the field he's that guy who was like screaming at the Cubs like like you're a loser organization or any of the Cubs it might not have been but but just he's super hyped up.

And this year, he's a big deal. I think he played right field before. He had Tommy John surgery, which is on your elbow or whatever. And usually something for pitchers, but I guess he had to have it, and they moved him to first base because it's going to be easier on his arm, I suppose. But he's been really good at first. So he's definitely really good at first.

He's definitely my favorite Philly, which isn't saying much. I think John Kruk, an equally fun to watch Philly, was their first baseman in 1996. I only know him because he guest starred in an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode once. That's all I know

about John Kruk. I was looking uh josh at at your your twitter just poking around what you've been up to so we talked about that the mexican alien shit a few weeks ago when that got big and immediately me woody and kyle were like this is the horse shit ridiculous like clearly not real where Did you come down differently? Did you think for a bit that it might be legit? Oh, I immediately thought it was bullshit. I immediately, that's the first thing that I thought. However, once I saw the further scans and stuff and with allegedly, you know, them offering these new findings of these supposedly different ones that don't have the backwards fingers that I see going around. I look forward to seeing other people investigate it.

I don't think it's a waste of time. I'll say that much. As much as people, you know, I got really attacked on Twitter for that because everybody thought I was saying I thought they were real. I don't think they're real. I think there's a lot of suspicious shit surrounding it.

And I definitely think that they need to release them to some actual people that I trust, like let Harvard or something see it. And they're apparently taking steps towards that. All that I wanted to release them to some actual people that i trust like let you know harvard or something see it and they're they're apparently taking steps towards that all that i wanted to say on twitter was that um people saying these look fucked up i i was saying that what they're saying is thing that is theoretically allegedly not from earth doesn't look like it's from earth therefore it's fake but it did look like i thought it looked too much like it was from earth oh my god that thing looks all right if you were buying those at home depot as halloween decorations you'd be like what the fuck is this shit i'm not paying 15 for this it doesn't even

look like anything they are so garbage they look so fake they're clearly some sort of cast fucking stone or something or paper mache. They're bullshit. And like they show those were scans from before and with the eggs on the inside and that stupid thing in the chest. Look at that. Come on. Why is its head shaped like that? Like that's so sick.

It just don't look like it's from here. Can you show us E.T.'s head? It's a lot. It looks exactly like E.T. almost. If they showed me a squid, like a big squid thing with like a fucking wearing a leather suit and it had an iPad in its tentacle or something that looked like it was made to be held with a tentacle,

I would believe that. That's better. This is better than that. And I'll tell you this, everybody says that thing is like friendly looking and they loved it that thing scared me as a kid if i saw that in real life now i'd beat it to death i'd beat it they'd be like war has begun with the fucking neptunians because blow up the earth kyle killed one with his bare hands because it came at him in his backyard

dude if i were in charge of the fake alien psyop, and they brought that little paper mache nonsense to me, I would be like, guys, I am not going to let you humiliate me here. Back to the drawing board. You have it have four fingers like a Simpsons character, and little nostrils, and a chin, and eye.

No, no, no no we need to you know get back to the drawing board here that's better it's not a lot better it's clearly a person with a helmet on that's somehow worse it's alive that other thing was fake this is a person at least

I'm open to the idea there being some like aliens or maybe some sort of alien technology. Maybe they sent one of those Von Neumann probes or whatever the ones that replicate over and over Maybe they sent a little probe here and it's just zipping around. I could believe

that maybe. I don't know. There's hair on that one. What the fuck were you looking at? That's just a person They're not a mummy, but That's just a person with sitting with their knees by their head dropped Frank Reynolds wheels maybe they used to

interesting the hair though huh it is interesting I know that hair doesn't rot that easily but that's really intact yeah I don't believe that's real either I mean those knees look I've never seen a body that had kneecaps oh like they haven't have even fallen

off yet you mean like what's gonna hold those it looks so silly i don't know what that what we're looking at but that doesn't look like a real thing to me either no that looks fake also if like how did they get that go ahead there's like fragile supposedly ancient pottery below that how did they get the dirt out of that without shattering what's clearly broken fragile pottery? It looks like it might set up slowly. Maybe. I don't know. That looks fake. That's what they do with archaeological digs. They go real slowly with a brush and stuff.

If they had a piece of an alien, if they had an alien body that looked real, I could get on board. But everything I've ever seen looks so silly. Just so silly and not even close the the stuff that's compelling is that footage from like what is it the the teddy roosevelt or whatever that that naval vessel that's got the the thermal camera right on the fucking weird top shaped

flying object and they're you've got them like talking like it's moving x amount of knots blah blah blah indeterminate oh yeah like the uap videos like yeah they're they're talking about it and they're naval officers who are clearly confused about what they're looking at that's compelling i don't know what the fuck they're looking at either oh like that guy who was flying around up in the air and like stuff kept popping up on his radar and it was moving in ways that they didn't know how to understand that might be similar to that i'm talking about the video of that it was moving in ways that they didn't know how to understand that might be i'm talking about the video of that it was a navy video that he's talking about i'll just call it

the spaceship the video of the fucking spaceship for the long one where they're tracking it for minutes and minutes and then instead of being like this it completely changes its orientation and turns like sideways like like like like, like longer, you know, I wonder like, did they see it with the naked eye too? Or did they see it through the camera and the infrared as fast as it was moving? I doubt that they saw it with their naked eye.

I only ask because half of these things get explained by like, Oh, it's the way that you're viewing it. Like it, if you put a spec on my glasses, I'd be like, Holy shit. This thing moves in a way that defies fucking physics that you're viewing it. If you put a speck on my glasses, I'd be like, holy shit, this thing moves in a way that defies fucking physics.

You know? But it's a speck on my glasses, and that happens with lenses. That happens, lens flare, for example, is like those rainbows you kind of see around lights. But sometimes there are artifacts that make little bright triangles. Counterpoint.

I doubt they were looking at it with a telescope. I doubt they were looking at it with a telescope. I bet they were looking at it with the most expensive piece of optics that money can buy. Yeah, in this case, it was way dark. It was old. There's an interview with the guy on the boat, like a naval officer on YouTube.

I was watching it earlier. He was like, I was on the Teddy Roosevelt during the Dresden event or whatever. It's recent. Again, that to me speaks a little bit to the whatever the fuck is going on of it. This wasn't some

kid's iPhone that tracks something funny. It's the military equipment. It's the best equipment there is for looking at things flying in the air. What does that piece of equipment do normally? It finds things that fly really fast in the air that don't want to be seen. Huh. So it's made for this.

Yes. And it's having a hard time. You can't figure out what it is? We have no idea what that is. The thing you're looking at tells you what things are? I think my skepticism just has me latching on to any other explanation and believing it over the alien thing. I think the most likely scenario is that there's a branch of the that some branch of the military or someone in our military is using is using some cool shit and not telling the the guys that are that when it's way below their pay grade.

Why would that guy on that boat need to know that they're flying their magical flying donut shaped um unmanned vehicle tonight maybe i imagine they'd shut that down though like if you wanted to like test your your cool new toy what's the use in flying it to russia where they shoot their own shit down and then and like shoot their own men because they're so incompetent you'd want to fly it around one of our boats like who's got the good shit right and and then that way that way, if they accidentally shoot you down, it's like, oh, let's go recover. We're in safe waters and everything. It just seems like if you're testing your new scary shit, you test it on your own people. No, I think you'd want to fly it around Russia and China. And then just like every few weeks, you zoot around there a little bit.

And then you go back and then you like hard scope their media. And like our spies tell us. And then they're like, really? Nobody saw anything. Russia did. China. China saw something.

Okay. Well now we know they got, they got fucking something over there. Yeah. I just don't believe in little green men. Mostly because I'm so afraid of them. I can't, I can't believe I can't live in a world where they exist.

I remember an independence day. There's that newscast. You kind of hear in the background, they're warning people not to fire their handguns at the craft. I'd be that guy. I'd be out there. We got to go! Stick off, pop it off at it like it's going to help.

I'm sorry. I saw fire in the sky. This one sucks. This one looks awful. Is this carved out of wood? That's what I was about to say. It's like ivory or something. Isn't that one weirder i'm sorry isn't that one real this real is it a real is i don't know that it's extraterrestrial but it they did a dna test on it and they found it to be 92 percent like humans yeah at first eight percent of the dna did not match with human DNA. An improved analysis says it matched at 98%. So it's basically

a human or what else matches 98% with humans? Monkeys? That would be 100%, right? It's definitely human. I mean, people have sent in like lizard spit to 23andMe and they're like, you're French. People have literally done that.

So like, yeah're if this is this is definitely like a human with that's what i was getting it's human or i don't know enough about genetics if if you were to say that monkeys match 98 i'd be like well what is this supposed to be is there an article to correspond with this like there is he linked it it's on cnn just above it um summarize it for me kyle oh yes instantly the instantly I will look at his little Glasgow smile on the right one it's 6 inches tall is it?

it's a conundrum made by perplexing features it's only 6 inches tall initial estimates of the age of the bones were consistent with a 6 to 8 year old child 10 pairs of ribs rather than 12 the fuck ok well a human with this child. Ten pairs of ribs rather than twelve. The fuck?

Okay, well a human with this level of problems, I'm not blown away by missing ribs. Reportedly, this was found in 2003. It was found in a deserted mining town called La Noria in Chile's Atacama

region. It is thought to be ancient at first, but initial analysis conducted in 2012 proved the skeleton was only about 40 years old. I mean, this is just nonsense. I just don't believe this. This is somebody's dumpster baby. Why are aliens so heavily invested in South and Central America?

Like, so many of them are like Argentina or Chile or somewhere around there. Peru. How often is it that a Canadian finds one? Since we've started having video cameras in our pockets, there haven't been more aliens

captured, like on camera. It used to be you'd go camping and people would have like alien abductions now that everyone has a video camera and the alien abductions have dropped i got rid of all i got rid of a ton of the horse shit but it also left some stuff that i'm not i don't have a good enough eye to ever tell like if you go on uh the ufo or the ufos plural subreddits you'd be like shit i don't know if that's all Alright, so maybe that's an alien. Or maybe this is someone really good at editing.

I don't know. You can absolutely see videos on there of a craft. I saw one and I was like, I can't explain that. Better go to the comments. And they're like, this is a commercial from 2019. This is a clip from a video game. This is Photoshop. This is editing and it's like i don't i mean it's so good you can't tell i mean things get me a lot

the one there's some ukrainian footage of a jet that like dodges 12 pieces of anti-air and then like hits its bomb and zips off into freedom and i'm like holy smokes this is intense and they're like that's arma 4 that you know you totally bought it and i did i gotta play arma 4 best advertisement ever and then uh there's another one i guess there's a guy just like oh the humanity as gigantic waves roll in and then he's like what what there's a person surfing on it and the wave like comes crashing you see him he's killing it and then he's oh oh no and then the way like the breaking part of it catches up to the guy but then he pulls through and gets free again he's like oh my god it's a powerade commercial but if you see it

you'd be fooled too. It is outrageously good. There's an old commercial where there's like some African, might not even be a commercial, it's an internet clip. There's like three or four African like warlord looking motherfuckers with AKs and camo on. And a monkey comes up and they're all, oh, look at the little monkey.

And they give it a gun and they think it's so funny and then the thing fucking picks the thing up and they're all running from the monkey and he looks like he's operating the machine gun not well but like he's figured out if you squeeze it just right it kills and then then like maybe the cameraman falls over or something like that and i was like the fuck was that bro because i don't know you fell for that one i know exactly the video you thought a 30 pound monkey was wielding an ak-47 like that it was not a 30 pound monkey it when he picked it up it looked it might have been a baboon or a chimp it was a monkey that could handle a firearm. So one of a kind.

What was it? Do you know the origin of the video? I honestly don't, but I guarantee it was a commercial or something. I bet it was like a teaser for a Netflix movie where animals get smart and take over. It was some shit like that. The one that didn't fool me, of course. The miniature giraffe like like the the mini giraffe that was like like your pet that one didn't get me thankfully um but you know

the uh so i am addicted to this one i think his name is brian cox the guy british yeah okay yeah physicist physicist i think anyway he's convinced me that we might be alone in the universe he's talked about alien life and by the way when i say life i mean intelligent complex life not viruses and amoebas and stuff yes might get talked to sure so he says the universe is 12 billion years old apparently we know this uh all right earth is about 4 billion years old. Apparently, we know this. Earth is about 4 billion years old. A third of the universe's entire span of existence.

Earth has had basically a stable environment for 4 billion years. That's how long it took for amoebas and specks and whatever to evolve into humans about four billion years and he's like it is very possible that four billion years of stable

like life providing planets is rare you know when we look around other planets have more comets and suns get bigger and smaller and and climates change in dramatic ways. And Earth has been pretty much stable for a third of the universe's existence. That doesn't happen much. That's why we're not talking to other people. Could be true. I'm only as good as my source, but I bought into it. And he's very convincing.

I think that in that case, I think I've seen that video. He was addressing the answer that what they call the Fermi paradox, you know, about how theoretically, if the universe is infinite, that means there's infinite planets with infinite stages of life. And some of them out there should be able to manipulate what we call space time.

Surely. So I think it would have been, I would have imagined that was theorizing. I remember that, but I love Brian Cox, man. That dude is completely awesome. He explains things in a really great way. He's become a big favorite of mine over Neil deGrasse lately for the way that he breaks things down.

I do remember that clip. And he also pointed out that in four billion years of a constant chain of life on Earth, we don't have the technology to leave our solar system yet, despite having four entire billion years of a chain. Now, that being said, we had a mass extinction event that happened and life kind of started over. Yeah, true. We've got a lot.

I think when you say, so everything he said, I'm sure it makes sense. And it's true. The only thing that I would say is like, I think the earth had a bunch of rough, I think for like a billion and a half years, it was like on fire,

like molten. You know, it was a while before the, like the surface wasn't just a big molten pool of rock and then it's because at some point the something hit us and became the moon like like something big hit us and we coalesced and then a blob came off and became the moon we know it they can it's it's fun there's questions they're like well how do they know how do they know how big it was well because if it'd been any bigger it would have hit our core and stolen that iron away but there's no iron the moon doesn't have an iron core so they know it didn't penetrate

what we would think of as like the proto-earth the first earth before it got hit you know to go all the way to the core is the moon the thing that hit us or is the moon a piece of earth or a little above are there so are there elements I'm asking? I don't know how to ask my stupid question, but are there things on the moon that you don't get from Earth because they came from a meteorite? I would assume so. I don't know anything about that, but I've seen a simulation like a computer simulation of like what they think it would have looked like. And you just got like a smaller ball hitting a bigger ball. your simulation of like what they think it would have looked like and you just got like a smaller ball hitting a bigger ball but then they just become this weird flowy mass of like molten glass

and then a blob sort of like flicks off and slowly falls into an orbit it was really it was really the earth still be like so nice and round after that collision gravity gravity does that the whole thing like moltenified and then went back into a sphere again. Yeah, well there's plate tectonics as well, right? Of course, plate tectonics. It's always eating itself and replenishing, right?

You know what plate tectonics were. I didn't think about how that would... I think Josh knows though, with gravity, if you take something in zero gravity, like a drop of water in zero gravity, it's going to form a sphere as it just floats there yeah and also a video i saw about it also demonstrated something similar to what kyle was talking about and it was like they slow mode a drop of water and they showed that when the you know the drop hits

it sinks deep down into it but then there's that splash back if you will and they said that basically the same thing would have happened with a planet and that's why you see spikes in the middle of craters on the moon and stuff like that. And probably something similar on. Okay, here we go. Is that the one you were talking about, Kyle? What? Yeah.

Well, I mean, more or less. Now it's going to get its own gravity. Maybe it's just because of the quality that it looks. Yeah. So did a lot of these form into like that belt of what is it called the kuiper belt is that like the like asteroid belt that's around us or super yeah i don't think so belt is the one that's super super duper far away i don't know how i wait we don't have many asteroids just we don't have there's a big belt so don't think belt or like a congested thing of them like in Star Trek. But between Mars and Jupiter, there is a sphere of asteroids and not a ring of asteroids that's going around the solar plane with us.

But it's a loosely packed. You get when you see them navigating asteroid fields and you see they're everywhere. That's just crazy silliness. It doesn't take an exceptionally good Starfleet pilot to navigate the asteroid fields in real life. They're miles and miles apart. You wouldn't see one from the other, probably. If you're moving at relative speeds.

You need a telescope and some knowledge to figure out where they're going. Well, they're at impulse speed, so that's not that fast. I don't know how fast impulse speed is. That kind of sucks. We only get one moon. They do, though. There's a handbook that lays all that stuff out. I think even Mars has multiple moons, and we're a one-moon bullshit planet.

We're a three-moon planet. Oh, shit. We have three now? We have three. Impulse speed is 167 million miles per hour. You seem confident about it. Okay, what are the other moons' names? There's the moon. You don't even are the other moon's names? There's the moon.

You don't even know the first moon's name. The moon. Luna. Luna. You know what the sun's name is? Eddie. Also Luna. No.

Solar. Solar. S-O-L, right? It's a solar system. We have three moons. There's no fucking way. This is like one of those Berenstain- Why are you Googling not Berenstain? Because I don't- Wait, are you saying We have three moons? There's no fucking way. This is like one of those Berenstain- Why are you Googling not betting then?

Are you saying Earth has three moons? Three. No less than three. I'm going to go to the bathroom while you look up the three moons. No less than three? Josh, you seem to know about this. How do we miss the other two? Google says one. He's got his headset off, so I'm just going to say I'm buying into the troll.

I don't know anything about any extra moons unless there's like a technical definition of like a large satellite. Maybe he's referring to, I'm just throwing this out there, James Webb Space Telescope and Hubble. Maybe he's like loophole definition. You know, a satellite is a moon. Rather than a moon being a satellite. After more than half a century of speculation, it has been confirmed that Earth has two dust moons orbiting it, which are nine times wider than our planet. What? That's not a moon like I know of. Wait, what?

That is bullshit. That is a technicality. That's not a moon. Is it orbiting Earth or is it orbiting the sun? What's it orbiting around? Let me look more carefully. I thought it was Earth. Well, I mean, I guess everything's revolving around the sun and the solar system, but you know what I mean. Yeah, it says Earth has two dust moons orbiting it, so the direct object is earth where would those

have come from um dust coalesce into a real moon because these are not that is bullshit these don't these do not count 100 they do not count as moons are we gonna say jupiter has fucking 10 000 moons because i got a bunch of dust around there we have to have a line folks saturn has infinity moons because it's a ring, damn it. Yeah, exactly. You can't count every speck of that as a moon. A moon has to be something you could land on. I'm with that.

If you can't land on it, then we're just doing fucking nonsense here. Could we possibly argue you should at least be able to see the moon you're referring to from the surface of the planet that you're talking about? I think that's fair too. Like, otherwise it's like, that's so far away. Is that even ours?

Like, yeah, that's the moon. I mean, that's the sun's that doesn't belong to us. We're not claiming that. Okay. Well,

let's not say that we looked this up and then I'll take Kyle's bet. And yeah, I'll take your bet. There's one moon, uh, by the way, rule set dust moons, don't count. dust moons do not count

we discussed amongst ourselves the rules of the moon there's no way that like astronomers even are set on this this moon definition of dust moons just a big cluster of dust and nonsense gets to count as a moon that's stupid

Pluto should be a planet gas moon? It's going around Earth. We have a gaseous moon, too. It completely envelops us. Who knew, man? Wow, it's called the atmosphere. We've got five moons. Words don't mean anything anymore. Just throw moons

around. I want there to be a bitter war between astronomers and people who follow astrology. Like Vax and anti-Vx people and just totally fucking go with your gut. They should. This is definitely a gut thing. There's no fucking way. You can't just count a cloud as a moon.

We all have an understanding of what moons are. The Kordoluski cloud or whatever. I already closed that window. But that's what it said it was. And it was way further away than our moon. It was just a pith. Like a little cum stain in the blackness of space.

Isn't everything just a little cum stain in the blackness of space? Ah, yes. That is what... What's his face? That guy that Wings likes a lot would say, we are all just cum stains in the blackness of space yeah well i i don't know anything about him yeah carl sagan i remembered what he sounded like kind of i don't really like anything about him what was that special um it's um cosmos

cosmos thank you i loved when they remade Cosmos with Neil deGrasse Tyson. I love that so much. If you want to learn some science-y space stuff, get real high and enjoy yourself. There's animated parts of that where he, I don't know, he goes back to some Italian inventor who was trying to finance a thing. It's good. It's educational.

Amazing. I mean, it works for all kids ages eight and up. It's great. I decided I'll take your bet, $10 million. There are definitely three moons. Not according to, I don't know. I haven't Googled it just now. So I couldn't possibly know that.

He didn't Google it. That's why he upped the ante to 10 million. Gigantic dust moons don't count for the purposes of this bit. Ask us. By the way, don't go back and watch it. That would be cheating. Definitely two more moons. I'm sure of it. I saw that

who was going to... I think Prada is designing NASA's new spacesuit. I'm almost positive that's accurate. You want to bet me on that one? Can they just go back to the moon? Can they just go back to the fucking moon instead of getting stylish with it? I totally believe you.

I mean, they need some new drip to go to the moon, man. They design shit, you know? They need a moon outfit. In 2025. I mean, I'm hearing Prada, and I'm like, this sucks. Don't they make ridiculous... I want Tommy Hilfiger to make it. Aren't they the people that did the Nazi uniforms?

No, Hugo Boss. Hugo Boss. I'm sorry. Take it back. That's who I want. Hugo Boss to design the spacesuit. I'd be okay with a Carhartt spacesuit. You know, if I'm going to space, I want Carhartt involved.

Yeah, tell me you're Southern without telling me you're Southern. I want a spacesuit that's there for the long haul. It might not be stylish, but it's going to keep me alive on the moon. So Prada is designing these. That's not even cool. Why are we surrendering right away, Prada? It's a French astronaut. Fucking losers.

They got like... Let them know it's for the American space program, not the French. Yeah, the white flag. Yeah, I mean, like, we've been had if these are our new astronaut uniforms. It needs some, like... You know what?

If I were to design a space suit, it would have stripes that give the astronauts a nice V shape. Yeah, take for that waist. They look like sloppy idiots up there. These guys look like Brock Lesnar without muscles.

I want them to have some... That looks more like what I was expecting. This is China. This looks like what the villains wear, for sure. I don't like this a bit. That looks like the bad guy in a video game. There's the green guy.

Yeah, he's got too many eyes. Too many eyes? Yeah. It's just a glass. I don't know. I see three little light things. I'm thinking their eyes. Well, that would be embarrassing if we paid Prada

to design our moon uniforms and China, who is probably just beating people until they design something they like and they have better ones than us. And they look sick and we look like nerds. And they look cool and we look like stupid nerds. That's exactly right, Josh. Nerds on the moon? Yeah, we don't

want to be nerds. Already every astronaut is a fucking nerd. Exactly nerd so we need to make sure that they look cool up there so they inspire you to go back no more scientists let's bring on the test pilots yeah let's teach oil drillers to genius idea that's a good idea lumberjacks like a cooler class of people you just send like one or two of those guys up with the astronauts they handle the boring math and then you have like a compelling story of a normal guy traipsing about no way they do math up there there's no way they do math up there there's just no fucking way you don't think so if they had some math to do i mean i call a guy can do math

right all the guys on earth with the calculator like why do we need the math guy in the space capsule is all i'm saying like i guess you're right i have fun as an astronaut we're like this is the worst astronaut we've ever had whenever there's a problem he just defines it as incalculable and moves on yeah well he covered every wall of the international space Station in incomprehensibly dumb math. Travelers long. It's just like what a child would do. It's like 9 times 11 divided by 4 plus 6. It's just the basics.

It's just the basics. That anyone can do with order of magnitude. That's what it would be. Am I the only one who doesn't care at all that they found Tupac's killer? I didn't know they found Tupac's killer. I mean, I think it's interesting. There was an arrest made

apparently for Tupac's murder, yeah. I heard about that. They got Tupac, apparently. I guess they didn't care enough to read the article. And like, I wonder how they opened the cold case again. Did they get tipped off? I heard them go through it.

They were talking about they had known that this guy was in the area. They've got a real good timeline of where so many people were because there was some event going on. Forgive me, I don't remember exactly what everybody was doing that night. But there was a thing in Vegas like a show or a performance and they had they got it tracked down to where everyone was you know during that period of time that was all the you know celebrity people and their entourages and stuff and i guess they had always thought maybe something of this guy but i didn't care either i just didn't care not even a little i

mean it's cool or whatever i mean you damn near it Jada Pinkett, now that would have been great. Because if Jada Pinkett Smith was the one that killed Tupac and they arrested her. For snitching about them having sex? I could get on board with that. Revenge. Yeah. Will Smith is just.

I mean, now years down the line, back then I was like, come on. Surely Jada didn't do that and all. Now we have more information a couple decades down the line. Yeah, she's just an awful person. She's a lot more stand-by-your-man kind of gal. It looks a lot more realistic with a couple more decades of life living after that. Yeah. I don't know why she's still with her.

You're not one of K.R., you're right. Why is Will still with her is a better phrasing. Maybe there's blackmail. Scientology? Scientology? I don't think they're Scientologists. I hope not. I've never heard of them being Scientologists. It seems like a good career move

if you're in Hollywood to go Scientologist. It used to be. Not anymore? I don't know. They got the raper from that 70s show. So that's a clear sign. Their power is not what it once was. Masterson was a Scientologist.

I didn't know that. Yeah, it was a sign. They were high. They were covering it up and hiding it through the years and telling the women that they needed to go for like auditing or whatever. Like, Oh,

he apologized. What's the beef. Wow. Literally have meetings like that. Like, well, here's a raper. He's here in the meeting with us.

I know I didn't tell you to be here, but surprise. He's got something he wants to say. I'm sorry. And it's like, I'm very sorry that your body Thetans influenced mine and forced them to influence me in the way that they did. So that,

you know, your aura was inflicted upon and no one likes that. So sorry. Or whatever. No one likes like well case closed right honey and it's just well we can't paint all of scientology like that because of a few bad eggs you know tom cruise is a scientologist and he's an american hero yeah is he too sure yeah he's an american hero he's in those movies i haven't seen that uh military enrollment or something

that's that's actually true tom cruise has done more for the armed forces than in those movies I haven't seen that military enrollment or something. That's actually true. Tom Cruise has done more for the armed forces than the average person by a factor. The general patent. I bet he's gotten so many people to sign up for the Navy or the stupider people to try to sign up for the Air Force. Wow. I never thought of that before. Yeah, he plays a lot of military roles.

There's a lot of guys driving trucks for the Air Force because they watch Top Gun. I want to be like Tom Cruise. They're like, that's actually the... Yes, I'm right here. I was going to say, do you think that... Because Naval Aviator, to me, is as cool or cooler than Air Force.

And that might be because of Top Gun. I think that the... Well, I don't know how it works, but I would just guess that like those are the guys who get to do shit a lot of the times like if you're an aircraft carrier they might sell you up within striking distance of wherever the fuck i stand and you get to fly off some missions then land back on the boat and eat like real chow and sleep in your cot and that's all that's almost as good of a gig as those guys who are out in Vegas fucking dropping shit

with a drone and then going home that night to their house drinking beer in the backyard. Smoked a lot of Afghanis today, honey. A lot of them. That's got to be a not very fulfilling way to go to war, though.

You serious? You like Call of Duty, I guess. The way that... Imagine a SEAL Team 6 guy or a combat Marine is at the barbecue you're at, and he's giving his war stories, and you're like, yeah, there was this one time my internet almost went out. The Wi-Fi flickered and almost bombed the daycare. Yeah. One time the internet did went out. The Wi-Fi flickered and almost bombed the daycare. One time the internet did go out. Navy SEAL is going to be like, dude, I went

there, shit got real. I got three kills. My team got 18 kills and we got out. He's like, 18 kills for your whole team? That's a slow day for me. You know how many weddings I took out last month? Those Arab weddings are packed. And i took out last month those arab weddings are packed

and he took out all of them with approval of those guys have crazy kill records for sure that's what i would want to do that's the number one job in the military if you ask me it's operating a drone from safety wherever that is like maybe you got to be in germany or or maybe you've got to be like quasi in battlefield. It's right over that ridge. That's where they are. But you're still the safest guy out there. I don't think you should be able to... I don't think they should be giving out medals

for the drone guys who are in Texas. What? I don't know about... Purple Heart. I put my ACL in the staircase. My carpal tunnel. You get a paper cut gaming so hard all right purple heart drone operation is hilarious i love that idea i like that you would fake a thumb injury or like a hangnail to get one you get four to forty eight hundred dollars a month for the rest of your life

because you hurt your thumb on the keyboard that's how it works if you're in like i, I'm sure you've seen those examples. There's the one guy in Band of Brothers, I think, who's got four purple hearts, and one of them was for lancing a boil on his ass that he got while in the field fighting the enemy. It's like, I don't know, man, I don't think we're going to count that boil on your ass. I shed blood in service for my country in the field of battle. Say I didn't. Well, you're actually technically. here you go yeah i heard that in vietnam that medals got much easier to earn it was part of like a morale effort and i also there were way more people percentage wise who were injured and

wounded right then the amount of time that they were in combat was way more. I'm sure it was both. I'm sure they're like, hey, we don't have any bonuses or beer, but we got medals. Can we go home if we get a medal? Oh, no. Are you sure you can't get beer? Also, people were

protesting Vietnam. It was not a popular war at all. Makes sense they might start dishing out the medals, I guess. Trying to make people feel like, oh, we're rewarding the soldiers, you know? Stop spitting on them, please. I think Vietnam's my second favorite war. World War II takes the cake.

That's the fucking goat. Wait, all time wars? Both of your top two are in the 20th century? Oh, okay. Okay, American wars. No, like Napoleon's fucking champ champ. That was a cool war. You got to go back to that.

He was the champ champ. Champ champ. He conquered Europe. They were like, oh, get out of here. He became the king of Italy at one point, just throwing another W in the mix. You know what they did to him after he slaughtered all of Europe a couple times?

They gave his own island to retire on. What the fuck? Get out of here! Yeah, they banished him, if I'm not mistaken, right? They banished him to his own private island with a castle on it. It's like a war hall of fame that he got to go live there. I didn't know he had servants.

That's a silver medal war there. I know people like to say, oh, America lost. Come on. By what measurements did we lose? silver medal uh war there now i i know people like oh america lost come on like like like by what by what measurements did we lose i i don't think we ever lost a battle kill death ratio battles one you know like we all show up here and we fight it out yeah i feel like kyle's playing still here and the vietnamese played for wins for you know so at the end of the day i played domination more land, they won domination,

and Kyle got a good KD and thinks he did well, but he didn't. But what is the ultimate goal of why we went to the war? And I'm not saying that specifically for Vietnam. I mean, in general, would that not be considered the victory as to obtain what your initial military goal was, if that's toppling an empire or whatever it may

be, taking over a capital city? However, if you don't achieve that goal, it then defaults to the KD ratio and domination. And by that, we won big time, baby. Yeah, it's our space race. I mean, if you look at Vietnam today, they're Democratic, and I'm sure they've got, or not, I don't know if they're Democratic or not, probably.

But they're definitely, they're capitalists, right? And they seem to be on Team Us. It's interesting. I always hear that when Americans go there, they're like, hey. Don't shoot my cousin. Welcome back. Vietnam is a socialist republic with a one-party system led

by the Communist Party. That doesn't sound good. I mean, to be fair, that is an L. I'm down with that at all. I get that, but I also say that most communist countries, or quote-unquote communist countries, have no choice but to engage in some form of capitalist trade with capitalist countries.

So they're like, functioningly they're capitalists, but in regard to oppressing their people, they're socialists. But if all it takes to qualify as capitalist is some form of trade trade then every nation is capitalistic that's a good point yeah i was thinking more of like the global market of exchanging currencies and things as opposed to you know them trying to be self-contained and we can take care of this ourselves but that's a very good point i mean bartering is bartering it is a part of all trade systems. What surprised me, the third largest weapons exporter on the planet is

South Korea. Really? Russia than South Korea. Apparently, they got... Russia and then South Korea? South Korea's probably going to be ahead of them this year. I think I heard that too.

Russia's not exporting anymore. They need their guns. South Korea apparently makes really good shit. Because South Korea and North Korea have been prepping for war for 70 years. Their stockpiles are enormous. North Korea tends to go with huge stockpiles of shitty stuff. And South Korea tends to go with smaller stockpiles of more high-tech stuff. Which is why their exports are interesting.

Yeah, Europe's arming itself right now. Poland in particular is building the biggest military in Europe right now. And they're buying a mix. It seems like they're like, I like the South Korean radar jammers, but I love those American planes. You got any of those South Korean body armor? That's the good shit. They're like taking... I'll take some of this and some of that. So they bought a bunch of

stuff from us, and I know they bought a bunch of stuff from them. And when I say a bunch of stuff, they're buying like $300 million worth of shit at a time. It's great. They should buy from every country. They should play every side so they always come out on top. Have a little bit of Russian stuff, a little Korean stuff, a little American stuff. So the reason they're not buying

Russian stuff is then you become dependent on Russia to maintain your shit, and if they're the people attacking you, you're in a tricky spot. Come on, Matt. I thought Russian shit was super easy to maintain because it's like harder and like mechanical. You need parts though, right?

If you have a whole fleet of migs and russia and and you're going to war with someone who's an ally of russia even like one of the stands or something then russia will be like oh no more parts for your helicopters and something like a helicopter that needs all that air maintenance that needs new whatever the fuck some new rotors or whatever it's like we need those or we can't fly them. The US did that to Iran back in the day. Iran had a lot of US

planes. F-14 Tomahawk cats I think. Like oh wow. Good luck. You got about 500 more operational hours before they all need an O-ring that only we make. And immediately they just had a bunch of junk. Tanks too. Apparently it's super common for tanks to get damaged but not destroyed

so you know he's hauling back fix them put them back in service but if you don't have parts you're in trouble tanks are so cool formal warfare you know yeah at the start of the ukrainian war there was a conversation about whether tanks were obsolete because they kind of seem that way. It seemed like they were super expensive and hard to make and just a big investment. And it wasn't that big a deal to break tanks. But as it's carried on, it turns out you need tanks.

It's been a, yeah, the work continues on. I really hope that it just never ends. I'm a big fan of the war. Fan is the word. Bad news for you. At this rate, Ukraine takes all their territory back in

just 67 years. Woohoo! Eat your heart out, Korea. Is nothing moving over there now? 67 years? Alright, the short answer to that is yes, it's not moving very much. The long answer is russia

has a lot of their defenses kind of stacked right up on the front line and ukraine is making progress at piercing that front line but very little but it's you can't say what i just did which is oh it's going to take 67 years to reach the sea because once you really properly penetrate that front line then you can pick up miles per day and that is the way it's trending but yeah start slow start but then you know once you break through you can probably get all the way to uh the sea anyway uh so they're kind of breaking through. Let's hope that that turns into better land. Let's hope they stop funding it with all of our money. That would be great.

Maybe spend a little money on the other side of this. Yeah, that's not what they'll do. That's not what they'll do at all. Let's do a tax cut for corporations or something. Yeah, that's what they do. You want to pour it into another proxy war? Loving it. This is our fate. this is the best proxy war

we've had maybe you're crazy this is like afghanistan one when we were given the stingers yes the muzha hadin the gallant men of the muzha hadin those fucking russians came over and afghanistan panned out so well i mean not for the russians yeah taylor i don't think anything ever went wrong afghanistan too when i'm talking about afghanistan one i mean it's a series that's that's why you're crazy if you just want to fund this shit for against the common advice and it was a really good idea to fund the Afghanis. We should fund this as long as they want to fight. It's beautiful. It's a

great thing. No Americans are dying, Taylor. It's just pennies. It's just pennies. Yeah, pennies. Don't worry about it. It's enormous sums of money. Tiny amounts of money in the grand scheme of things. Kyle's right, though.

Here's how I think of it. Not only are we because our weapons systems are doing so well, all those countries around the world who are seeing the planet a bit destabilized right now are like, give me a billion dollars worth of American shit. Give me two billion of it. We're selling lots of weapons right now, which is a great thing.

Your problem was that the money wasn't going to go to American people, but it goes to Halliburton and Lockheed, and so it's like good now? Yes. Yes. So wait, you wanted it to go to American people, but now that it goes to American people, you're not happy? Come on. Let's say those aren't American people. Those are giant fucking armament companies. They make the shells in Alabama,

Taylor. They make the shells in Alabama. Why don't we fix our fucking roads and get universal health care? They make the shells in Alabama, Taylor. Do you care about, oh, now it's big business and infrastructure, but the poor son of a bitch in Alabama that's making artillery shells. Give me fucking health care. He's getting triple overtime, goddammit, Taylor.

This is great for our economy, which needs it right now because we're about to slip into that recession they've been talking about for half a decade. But this time it's real. This time it's real, we promise! The economists scream and I don't know anything enough to disagree, but this is wonderful, Taylor.

Our enemies are bleeding. Think about it this way. We're already going to spend X amount of money on, say, national defense. That's based on the threats around the world. We need to be able to fight a global war on two different oceans. That's been our military mantra since World War II.

Every day, the Russians get weaker as a military. That means we don't need as big of a military anymore. And I'm not saying they're going to cut the military. But if a war were to pop off between us and Russia proper, man, it's going to be a weakened Russia. It's going to be a weakened Russia. They look bad in front of their allies. It's easier for us to make deals and bully china and win little territorial things because none of these are tangible games for americans though tangible you want tangibility

and like geopolitics this is fun this is james bond shit no no you want you we want better you know they sent a commando in on a jet ski the other day? Yeah, we could do that at like a fucking show off the coast. I'm opening that guy's ass right now. It wasn't our guy, though. That's the best part, Taylor. It's their guys. They just want some spending money.

I can't believe you guys are still in favor. I love it. I love it. I can't wait until we really start giving them cool shit. I'm glad the Abrams tanks are about to arrive that they've been training on for a whole fucking year. I can't wait till we really start giving them cool shit. I'm glad the Abrams tanks are about to arrive that they've been training on for a whole fucking year. I can't wait to see that. One's never been destroyed by a hostile fire.

I think they've arrived. I want to see them on the battlefield. I've already seen propaganda of burnt ones on the battlefield. Can't you just watch movies? Movies? They don't have Abrams in movies. They dress up chieftains and stuff. I watch combat movies? Movies? They don't have Abramson movies. They dress up chieftains and stuff. I watch combat footage.

Movies. This is great. I don't know what your beef is. Not a very good ROI. It's the best ROI ever. Actually getting some work done. We spent such... It's like 3% of our defense budget. That's so much money.

It's a tiny amount. Compared to our defense budget, it means nothing. It's not like we're giving them new Humvees. We're giving them Humvees that we would have otherwise sent to police or just mothballed. What were we going to do with those 20-year-old Humvees that were going to be... Who are we going to artillery strike, Taylor?

We could have spent it on something else. Taylor, we're giving them artillery... I'm just saying. I feel like you're locked up and it has to go to the Army. They make them in Alabama. They make the artillery shells in Alabama and they make the fucking anti-tank rockets in Alabama. And there's a guy, a dude in Alabama named fucking Pete or some shit.

He's got double overtime because we're funding Zelensky. And I like that. We're printing money and inflation is ridiculous. What's new? It's $33 trillion. Did you know that's the deficit? It's going up every day. More than ever in a day, a couple days ago.

No one cares, though. That's made up money. A trillion is an impossible number to even fathom. I don't care. It's definitely real money. I don't think it is. I don't believe it is. I think once you get to $33 trillion, we're at the point where everyone knows that, hey,

if we were to actually try to make the US pay, we would just start some sort of a global war with us, right? And then they would change the... Just press delete and ask if we wanted peace, right? I think it'll be okay, Taylor. Make it $35 trillion and let's kill some Ruskies. Can we get Universal Healthcare in there? No, Taylor, Make it $35 trillion and let's kill some Ruskies. Can we get Universal

Healthcare in there? No, Taylor, we don't have money for Universal Healthcare. Now I'm on Team Taylor. Yes. Universal Healthcare can only happen, though, if we get those borders under control because I'm not paying for all those Ukrainian war victims. Did you see that Biden

made a couple of rules and he's building a wall? I'm not paying for that. Did you see Biden's building a wall. You get a peg leg, maybe. He's building the wall again? I don't know if again, but yeah, apparently there are some rules he just waived and he's building the wall. Fuck it. Apparently, this is

a place where Mexicans are crossing the border and they would benefit from a wall and Biden's for it. Actually, because the border and they would benefit from a wall and Biden's for it. Actually, because I do my research even further left than Woody, they asked Biden, do you believe the

border wall works? Nope, it will not help. I did everything I could to take that money that had been appropriated for border walls and do anything else with it, but I can't. It's beyond my power and so it will be spent on a wall. That's Biden's take on the whole thing. He did it to avoid the shutdown. He does not want that situation

where the Republicans would be like, so you fell in the wall? Huh? Did you use Trump's specifications, or is this a fancier wall that you came up with? It's Trump's specifications. Oh! He did 500 miles of it. How much have you put up? Well, we're building it right now.

So it's just not a good conversation. It's better if he can be like, there's nothing we could do. Trump ordered it. The money's already on the way. I can't divert it. And I don't think it'll work. I generally don't like the idea of a wall. It's not that I don't like the idea of a border or an enforced border,

but walls seem really asymmetrical in terms of like the cost and benefit if if you build a ballard wall like those things 15 minutes and a cordless angle grinder gets you through it if you make it four foot thick and stone then it's a trillion dollars and a ladder defeats it like there a wall just doesn't provide the benefit that it's cost. I mean, the goal was never to break you down. For people to show up like a video game and be like, I can't get through this hedge. Like it was to slow down crossing so that borders control could get there.

And that's feasible for them to slow it down at least for sure. I don't know why they can't use like infrared cameras or something for a much more-effective way to get people to the right place. They just need to turn people away. I think the amount of infrared cameras you would need would be just an operator. One every quarter mile on a tower. Operators and like that. I think they already

have those infrared cameras and the purpose of the wall is that the wall slows people down. Walls absolutely slow people down. That's why walls are everywhere. You want to prevent people and slow people from entering. Yeah, they just built it.

The wall that's between fucking Poland and Ukraine is pretty ridiculous. No, it was between Belarus and whatever fucking country that they were allowing all of those people to flow through i remember there was a there was some sort of a political thing where like they were sending all the the belarusians advertised in africa so that people would fly to belarus and then they could pump them into and i don't remember who the country right next to him is but they were doing that to them. And so that country came to engineers in America and asked about our border wall.

And they built one to stop that from continuing to happen. I can't remember what country that is. I don't fucking know. Why don't we get in the wall business and build the absolute best walls in the world and then sell walls to all the countries that want them. We need moats people stop with the walls. Moats are clearly want them? We need moats, people. Stop with the walls. Moats are clearly the answer. We've already got the Rio Grande.

Why not both? Right there. The crocodile maintenance alone will drain the economy. Now we're helping the- You don't have to maintain them. There's a fresh supply of food. I'm a lot more no mercy with this whole thing than I think the average person.

I see them as invaders. Anyone who steps across that line, if I invaded Mexico on foot, I would expect to maybe get shot. That would not surprise me in the slightest. If I was shot by a Mexican for invading their country across their fucking border. We already agreed what

that border was after the Mexican-American war when we bullied that smaller country and took a third of their space. Maybe it's time for war two. Mexican-American war. We should push it back a little more, I. Maybe it's time for War II. Mexican-American War. We should push it back a little more, I think. That's what I would do. I just want Baja California. Let's take Cancun.

In the interest of national security and the safety of the American public, we're pushing the border back. It's not good the way it is. We need a demilitarized zone. And so we're going to take 40 miles of Mexico, the entire length of the border, and that's not Mexico anymore. That's a DMZ. Thatilitarized zone. And so we're going to take 40 miles of Mexico, the entire length of the border. And that's not Mexico anymore.

That's a DMZ. That's a neutral zone. And international law doesn't apply there, by the way. Meanwhile, there's so much population right up against America. Like Tijuana. They're Americans now. Gotta go. No, no.

Yeah, I was going to say, 40 miles in, and you've got a lot of Mexico. That's why it's a DMZ. They've got to evacuate that area They're going to get pushed further back into Mexico See how they like it We're talking politics, have you followed the House of Rep lately? Oh, getting rid of the House of Rep?

Good, I hope they shut it down so we can't waste any more money on Ukraine So here's what I need you to explain to me Here's the part I'm foggy on I don't understand this Who was the speaker of the house his name is evan mccarthy and he is a senator from california right maybe i'm not sure he's a republican senator republican senator oh i'm a house of representative i said senator made a mistake oh okay okay so he's from the house so he's a state representative

from somewhere i stand and he was the speaker of the house i thought it was so he's speaker of the house i thought i read that he lost his like job as a representative like i know he's not a speaker but he doesn't get to vote as a representative of california anymore he has considered retiring being like all right you don't want me to be speaker anymore okay buddy i'm gonna tap i'm gonna leave this but on paper no he's still but yeah he still has it from the 12th district of california okay well then the article i read was just terribly confusing i didn't understand that yeah they meant they're like he's been ousted from from government and it's like like what he can't vote anymore on good get him out of here so kevin

mccarthy uh has eight roughly people on the republican side who seem to be impossible to please and uh they're all like in this freedom caucus these far right guys who aren't they don't really compromise now the republicans don't own all three houses. You have to compromise, or all three branches of government is what I'm looking for. So you can't just have exactly what you want. The Senate will clearly not agree with that. It's run by Democrats, and neither will the White House. But these guys are like, I guess they just wanted to keep trying, shut down the government, throw a fit until they get their way, which wasn't likely to happen. They'renumbered they don't own it so um and it

seemed like it was personal one guy voted against him he said he was gonna pray on it mccarthy made fun of him and he's like well fuck it i'm done praying i'm holding you out um matt gates it seemed like that yeah he gave Gaetz everything Matt Gaetz asked for. It seems like what Matt Gaetz really wanted... He's going to run for governor after DeSantis' terms end. You can only have two consecutive terms in Florida. So Matt Gaetz is trying to get famous enough to be the next Florida governor.

And that seems to be his primary motivation for leading the charge to get kevin mccarthy out to be like i am gonna fight for you guys etc etc um the problem is they don't really have a plan they don't have a thing they want very much they don't have any like legislation he just even if he gets what he wants he still ousted him um and they don't have someone they'd rather be speaker they don't have that plan at all it's between two guys one of them is like a rape apologist and the other is uh you talking about the backup guy yeah jim jordan apparently uh like 15 people have come out saying he knew about the rapes that were happening on his college wrestling team and just told everyone not to talk

about it um and then the other guy is a racist apparently he speaks with david duke their buddy buddies and he's like at these white nationalist things raising money amongst racists with david duke those are the two leading candidates to be the next speaker uh donald trump you're gonna not take their money well you could go not speak at their events. I think that's the typical protocol. I don't think they'll give you the money if you don't. And then the third one they talk about is Donald Trump, but that's not realistic because you can't be the Speaker of the House if you're under indictment charges that could lead to more than a year in jail.

So Trump isn't eligible. they can change that rule i think the republicans made that rule like 15 years ago or something like that yeah yeah that's a good point but i don't know what it takes to change the rule is it just like a house rule the republicans can decide on a speaker to get anything done you need like the senate to agree to it and the president to sign off on it i don't know as soon as i heard about the vacancy and everything i was like oh man is there any way to get trump in there because that's the funniest move there is a way to get trump leave it empty for a while uh yeah so if you like if you're a stats and stories politics follower yes it's just prime right now this is like playoffs or something

this is like every day there's more like machinations and people going back and forth and details coming out. And it's it's pretty crazy. Yeah, I I followed the Trump court stuff a little bit. That's another one where I'm not sure how they just it seems like because he's i know they've accused him of 20 or 30 different things at least but him overvaluing properties and leveraging that seems to be a big part of it but i keep reading that they're going to take all of his properties away and auction them off the new york ones which is kind of well that's well the new york like company owns the stuff though like like his i'm pretty sure like mar-a-lago

for example is not at risk but i'm i could be wrong i see your look and i'm not confident so maybe you're right yeah yeah um but i think that we're talking about the new york real estate i know he transferred mar-a-lago like out of it to his son but i don't know if that helps him or not yeah um tower mate is trump tower spot now trump tower to be clear he just manages that building those are condos that he sold like he doesn't own the whole building he just sort of runs the elevators and the staff and maintenance fees and shit like that um but those are condos the people who bought the condos own their condos. Anyway, but it looks like he got the corporate death penalty, which means they're going to auction off all his New York properties,

which is interesting to me because this whole thing is about overvaluing his properties. So we're going to see if his stake in the Trump Tower is worth $7 quadrillion or not. We're going to see if this stake in the Trump tower is worth seven quadrillion dollars or not. We're going to see if this, that, and the other property are worth what he said they were or not. Cause they'll be for sale.

And who gets the money? It seems ridiculous. Yeah. So they're going to auction off his place. He's not allowed to do business in New York anymore because he's been committing, I guess like unprecedented levels of fraud in this thing for a long time.

I've never heard of such a thing. It doesn't seem like he's just like having the kitchen sink thrown at him. They're just trying every possible thing. This is what the defense always is though. It's never that he's innocent.

It's always that there shouldn't be any punishment like yeah it seems like they're going at him pretty hard it's that it seems it's that it's very like flagrantly politically motivated like you think there aren't other new york big real estate moguls who are doing this shit like that would be my perspective like i think there's level why is he on the chopping block because he's running in the opposition party if these numbers aren't perfect then they're close like he has a penthouse apartment in trump tower it's about 10 000 square feet which is a lot but he just changed it to 33 000 on a whim and then like made the value eight times higher but mind you he didn't add any square footage he just lied he just made it up and again and again every time trump gets in trouble for something it's never that he's

innocent it's that yeah you know what i bet the guy who's uh like the attorney general is doesn't like trump i bet that's the true thing it's not okay he's come out and said he doesn't like Trump. I bet that's the true thing. It's not. Okay. He's come out and said he doesn't like he committed these crimes that much. You know, we can all agree on, but I think the only reason they're fussing about these crimes is that they don't like Trump. And I'm like, yeah,

I think that's salient. Like, I think that all of these people at that level commit crimes like that. And it's because of who he is at this juncture in time. Why didn't they do this 20 years ago like he's like a 10 year span where trump lost more money this is on his 1040s like he claimed to have lost more money than every other american during that 10 years like he's the number one loser of money on his tax forms during that time and i can't prove it but i just don't buy it yeah um it's he claimed like he has like a

billion dollars or something that he lost it i think it was the number that's number one it might have been number two loser in american over this like 10 year period of time it was a good campaign um uh debate moment where he was like yeah i used the rules i used into my favor i was a businessman and then it may have been a good debate moment but it was a lie uh really he just broke the rules and lied about what he was losing and making and anyone can do that like i used to do taxes i've done thousands of tax returns and uh people let's get creative or whatever this other guy gets creative i'm like that's not creative Creative accounting is like setting up a partnership so that you can run your expenses into it

and have tax pass-throughs or whatever. That's creative accounting. Creative accounting is a way for you to deduct your health insurance that you couldn't do as a sole proprietorship. Cool, cool, cool. This is just lying. This is just making up expenses that you didn't really have. That's not creative in the slightest.

That's just criminal. Yeah. That's not creative in the slightest. That's just criminal. And that's how I think. What it feels like to me. It's just a curious time for it to come up. It's not even that. It's not even that. What it's curious is how quickly the wheels of justice move when we're going after Donald Trump. That's the only thing.

I remember when I got arrested and they're like, yep, see you in two years. You know, it's like you knew it was going to be years from now when they got this little, this one little thing like moved down the road. And this huge mass. Imagine the man hours that the DA's office must have put in to getting this huge case together this fast. I would love to know how much money has been spent by the DA's office to get Donald Trump.

It has to be thousands and thousands of man hours to go through that stuff. I know it was a lot of hours. It should be going to ukraine i don't think it's fast you're right two years to bring the case to trial but i'm i know that's shockingly fast though for what this is right like well you just said two years and now two years for me two years it took two years to get me you're kind of trump adjacent right billions of dollars in real estate dealings dozens of charges there were grams and grams in that package you have to do like what do they call a forensic accounting and there's expert witnesses and and come on this is a massive deal i actually don't know how that timeline compares to the standard i don't know don't they have him in court like the day before super tuesday something like that i think actually or if it might be the day after i'm not

positive though but it's something like that like one of the trials was set to that date yeah and they were like an unbiased i remember they talked about it the that same judge had done like professional athletes and they're like yeah we don't schedule trials around your job we don't say like eh you know what the playoffs are coming up we're gonna hold back the wheels of justice you think they just randomly were like

oh that's when your doctor is I think that day's gonna change it won't stick maybe yeah I think so too I'm sure that won't stick first one up rarely is the real one. The scheduling of that day feels like almost like, yeah, make it the day. Then they'll have to ask

and they'll make a big thing of it. It'll be funny. Trump's going to kill us on Tuesday. It won't matter. I think... I look forward to seeing this thing. Here's what I hope happens. I genuinely hope happens because it's the coolest timeline for me. Trump's got to be the president and then he's got to start um you know really well i mean not no no going after his his rivals and his enemies and locking them up uh like like that's what i i hope happens um and i i hope that

it's it's it's it's just a real meltdown of the entire system that we see. That's what I'm looking for. We're just the hypocrisy that all caves in and creates just a mass that, that can't withstand gravity anymore. And it just collapses on itself. And we get a new system where we all just walk the earth, wear leather clothes, our entire lifetime.

Why don't we give kings a go again? I think we're gearing up for that. I mean, I nominate kings. Look, we got a direct line of accountability with the king. Everything sucks. Whose fault is it?

Fucking that, guys! Power corrupts. Absolutely. Power corrupts. Absolutely. i think i've heard this before i just made that up that just that just came to me i would like i'm down for kings and queens but but if we get a king then i want a whole like i want lords and ladies i want there to be Dukes. 100% a return of culture. Yes. I want to be able to... I'd like horses to make a comeback, if I'm being

honest. I'm fine with that. And the king can't be older than 70. We launched them into space at 69. If they make it that long as king, which a lot of kings don't make it that long because everybody goes now there's not

a circle of bureaucrats with unaccountability there's one guy who's the king and so you want to be a king pick your king you got five seconds fuck this is hard to joe rogan you fucked up the world's ruined now no no no no it's not roganan. You know what? How about Joe Rogan can start, and we see where he goes. Actually, no, I don't want Joe Rogan as the king. Alex Jones. Who would be a good one? No, I don't want him either. I don't want a fat king.

He has to be fit. I mean, not that Joe Rogan's fat. Joe Rogan's fit. How about that? Well, that guy's British. I was going to pick your smart British guy. Maybe a black science man. I nominate Neil deGrasse Tyson.

I want black science man in there. No, thatil degrasse tyson i want black science man in there no that guy with his fucking smarmy tweets none of that no no he can't be like you just don't understand taxes you guys keep asking me about this money all it is is you can't do math taxes money's not even real it's actually just a system of numbers held together by central banks. And then we need a good meal with abs. Um, and he cannot currently be in politics. It would, that would be a rule is when we move back to Kings,

no one who's been involved in any way at any level of American politics is eligible. You're all, we all, we send them all to Madagascar, Terry Cruz, John greatest. Come on.

Joe. No, I don't like Terry Cruz. That's the first one I've been kind of okay with. You cut that guy's ass, he folds like a house of cards. John Cena. How about John Cena?

John Cena is popular in China. And so that's a natural ally. He speaks Mandarin. He's jacked. He is always... For his campaign to be king, he can show all those times that he helped people with the Make-A-Wish

Foundation. He's like the most Make-A-Wish guy ever. He's got a great TV show. You're getting me with the Make-A-Wish thing, but I'm on Colby Covington, and I think he can even beat up John Cena if you need him to. Oh, he destroyed John Cena. Yeah, for sure. He's got a similar body type. Is he that really good-looking guy? Colby's got a similar body type is he that really good looking guy

no he'll wrestle fuck him into that corner oh he's the outrageously good looking one oh he's a good looking guy though so far I'm liking John Cena on Colby's social media posts he begins all of them the same way he's like what's up nerds and virgins and he's always got like a couple of bimbos with him and he's like

I was gonna beat up the king of stink Marvin Vittori on April 5th but he's like you i was gonna beat up the the king of stink marvin vittoria on april 5th but he's a fucking coward and not an american so instead i'm gonna beat up that thing that his just borderline racist dog whistle like i know who i want sean strickland that's who i want as king i want a warrior king that guy he going to be coming out and about. He's going to be direct with his people. He's going to tell us what's going on under the surface. My honest answer is probably going to be Bill Belichick. Bill Belichick? Okay, maybe 10 years ago, Bill Belichick not okay maybe 10 years ago bill belichick you know here's here's who i actually think could become president if they if they wanted to the rock um i think the rock is i think

betting that the rock will someday be the president is a pretty good bet because you'd get great odds and i think it's fairly likely do you think he'd be a good king yeah no no you know who'd be a half-decent king michael dubin he's the guy that founded dollar shave club and made those funny commercials he's been on the show okay i don't know what he's up to why him why would he be a king how about the my pillow guy he's funny and he's a businessman that's enough the my pillow guy funny businessman please we we've been down this road. It's great. Trump is a funny businessman.

There you go. But he's been involved in politics, so he's ineligible for kingship. Barron Trump. The tallest king ever. Damn, the name Barron lends itself to kingship. King Barron Trump. And the fuck in like 10,000 big horns.

He fucking walks out. I would like that. Trump! And the fuck in like 10,000 big horns. Da-da! He fucking walks out. I would like that. He's got a lion head on each shoulder as like a shoulder piece. Okay. Alright. Every time he takes a step, a slave darts

in front of him and gets their back in the way so that his foot will catch perfectly as he steps down from his litter. You think that King Barron would bring slaves back? I don't think so. Oh, he's bringing slaves back. We're going to have white slaves this time. It's the classiest of slaves. You know how you know there should be no

discrimination. Every race should be able to be a slave. It's like in Barron's America. You can tell the people who really have money have white landscapers. Joffrey, well this is Barron Trump a. You can tell, like, the people who really have money have white landscapers. Joffrey. Well, this is Barron Trump a foot and a half ago. King Joffrey.

Dude, he's, yeah, that's a while ago. Last time I saw him, he was gigantic. Like, he looked, like, legitimately 6'6", 6'7", or something. Damn. Like, gigantic. Yeah. So who would your actual king pick be, Kyle? And Josh, who would your king pick be?

And they're gonna be like the de facto king of America? They're the king. But it's a king, remember, and so if they really just fumble the bag, what happens to kings that fumble the bag? They get got real fucking quick.

And then the guy who replaces him, that guy better fucking fix shit. Otherwise, he's going to get got too. So you would absolutely have to hit the ground running as king. You can't be mealy-mouthed and deliberate. You got to be a media king. Barron Trump, 6'8", apparently. I don't know.

I would want someone. I think I'd want a smart person, legitimately. I'd want an intelligent person who also sort of had some sort of moral view on the world or at least had some patriotism. Patriotism is important to me because I don't want some fucking do-gooder

who's like, oh, inequality. Every American should be so much poorer. I don't want that. I do want someone who's like an American first kind of guy. You want a be so much poorer. I don't want that. I do want someone who's like an American first kind of guy. Solomon kind of character. I saw something the other day and it was these German people. We had American first and we're like, fuck about

us. And it's like, yeah, not you. Not you. That's what second place at best, bitch. Stay in line. That's what we say. America first. We mean all of you behind us. That's what we mean. You're second place after America. Probably China.

You know it's true. And you're like, first in class? Scooter shootings? True. Amongst many categories, school shooting is one of them. What are you first in? Germany? Also people incarcerated.

You can't count engineering. Automobiles. Fucking probably engineering. Also people incarcerated. So don't count. You can't count engineering. Automobiles. German engineers. Wars lost. World Wars lost. You're piling those up. You invented the highway system though. That's pretty sweet. We copied it though. We did copy it and we have a bigger country so we got to have more highways.

Off ramps, all that shit. Shit didn't exist before. Maybe a professional athlete would be a good king. Someone like that. Wayne Gretzky. Wayne Gretzky, he can't even coach a hockey team. Because he's the GOAT. What?

Playing hockey? Yeah. He can't coach a team. Does his team suck? No. Okay. That's an excellent point. He wasn't a good coach.

Not Wayne Gretzky. That's why I went with Bill Belichick. But then I remember since Tom Brady's been gone, I think he's like a 44% win rate. How about someone fun like... Throw Dave Portnoy in there. Dave Portnoy. Okay.

No. All right, so let me say this. I like Dave Portnoy. I like his content, and I watch it always. He's got a mean, petty streak to him sometimes, which you wouldn't want to be the king of the world. Got that Targaryen in him, huh?

Yeah. Every now and then, somebody will say, remember that guy the other day? He was a pizza owner. He comes out. He's like, hey, eat your pizza and go. How about that? How about I don't like being rated by the likes of you?

How about that? I don't like what your business is. And he's like, your shirt's five sizes too small, you piece of shit. Get the fuck back in there you know what 1.2 you just made a mistake you just made a mistake with your tight ass shirt five sizes too small this business owner in front of his business and i'm like i i scroll down millions of people have watched it and are all like let's's get him! Where does he live? It's a little too petty.

My politics don't align with Dave Portnoy, but I've looked past that recently, and I have to be impressed with what he's doing with his life. That business move he made, how did he get such a good offer? How did that possibly happen? I saw him

at an Antifa type thing the other day. They got signs and shit down capitalism or whatever. He's like, hey, you don't like capitalism? You know why? I bet you've never been to a $20 million house and then cut and then tuck it. That's where I go. I'm going to go to my $20 million house off Nantucket. You ever been there?

It's beautiful. I almost verbatim, he's telling this poor kid this. He's like, yeah, of course you don't. You've never been in a $20 million house and then tuck it. That's where this poor kid this. He's like, yeah, of course you don't. You never been in a $20 million house in Nantucket. That's where I'm going tonight. See you later, loser. And it's like, man, I think you're supposed to be above this. No, that's why he's funny is he's not above that.

He will just get in the... Dude, aren't you worth nine figures? Why are you here shitting on this college kid bragging about your house in Nantucket? Which I'm sure is incredible. He's a content guy, so he's going for that, I would imagine. I like it. I've always liked it. Actually, he's my frontrunner for King so far. Throw Dave Portnoy in the mix.

No, keep doing pizza. That's all I need from Dave Portnoy. I'm happy that he's got so much money. He can be like, you know what? Fuck you. Maybe I'll buy your business and ruin it. It's like, well, all right. Hang on a minute.

I'll do that. It's scary when someone worth $100 million doesn't like you personally what fuck you maybe i'll buy your business and ruin it it's like well all right hang on a minute i'll do that like it's scary when someone worth a hundred million dollars doesn't like you personally in the street all of a sudden you're a business owner right especially when they got a media empire so there was that really viral he doesn't need more power just like a week ago or so that he found out that some other news organization was writing a hit piece on him before they released it and he like live streamed himself calling the reporter and like roasted the reporter and like had an argument with her on the phone for like 15 minutes of like and it was it was like skeevy reporter shit the lady was doing he was like hey so i'm calling because you fucking said that i'm a bad guy, a bigot, misogynist, whatever.

And you're hitting up all of my because he he he hosted a giant pizza event for a huge pizza event for a bunch of small businesses that he'd reviewed before to come and set up there so that people could go to this festival and try all these pizzas. And, you know, they're all small businesses. They're all these pizzas. And they're all small businesses. They're all pizza places. And he was like, so you guys are reaching out to the companies that I invited to my pizza festival and you're threatening them? You're saying that things might go bad for them if they don't drop out or don't give you dirt on me or something? What's the deal with that? And she let off with like, no, that's not true. And like he was like, really? Because here's an email you sent that was just forwarded to me by one of those companies that says like and it was literally like the reporter threatening the business being like you're associating yourself with this person who we don't like at the Washington Post or whatever.

This could go badly for you if it were to get out. And it's like just scumbag shit. And then the reporter was like, well, that's a tactic we reporters were to get out and it's like just scumbag shit and then the reporter was like well that's a tactic we reporters use to get a response it's like really you just you just threaten businesses if for associating with someone you don't like a guy who's like biggest defense as far as i know with about dave portnoy is like being bombastic and ridiculous. Like what the fuck? That's just a, just scumbag journalist behavior. Glad he live streamed that.

That was funny. Yeah. I like that. He, he utilizes that power. He's well aware of the power that he has. And, you know,

he usually uses, uses it to help his buddies, which I guess is admirable as well. I don't have anything against him. I just don't think he needs any more power. He's plenty powerful enough. Leave him where he is. Yes, Zach, do a couple ads. But no, I'll pull you around

on it. Or maybe you can convince me out of Portnoy. I'm going to try to think of... I was going to ask the question, who do you think... And this will be good to think about while you do the ads. Who today is an admirable man? Like, in the public eye. Yes. While we think about that, we will hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors.

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i think our closest friend in the adult industry, per se, would be Finster. I think we would... He probably knows some porn stars or something at this point. He's really... He's just real deep in the land of Sodom and Gomorrah from what I hear these days, Taylor.

Is he? What's he up to? Oh, I think he's making about $800,000 a month or something. God damn. i don't know what he's making for real probably probably 350 to 500 more realistically just really just doing well it seems like let's get is is finn making content where he's coming i don't know but i if you're making content where you're coming, let's make a deal. Let's... And get you on lock and load and they'll be like,

my God, that pretty girl busts harder than I've ever seen a pretty girl bust before. So check it out. Or if you're not into coming more because you're fucking lame, you can use Code P.K. with protein powder, energy drinks, weight loss supplements,

any of the wonderful things over at Derek's shop. Links below. I don't know how Finster's OnlyFans works exactly, but I bet it wouldn't be hard for you to donate a certain amount or pay a certain amount to get a cum tribute. You would send Finster a picture of yourself, of course, and so the lock and load would just do wonders for for for something like that you wouldn't be able to tell it was a picture of them it would completely obscure the entire picture what do you mean yeah yeah that's true josh it would he'd have to intentionally miss off the side a little bit because otherwise you'd be like what the hell is this ectoplasm there's

nothing under the spider-man been in here shooting web all over the ropes in here man ropes yeah so if you want to be a web shooter get get Lock and Load. Check it out. Yeah, that's a good idea, Kyle. I don't think we have anyone else in the adult industry that we can tap other than Finn as far as a Lock and Load partnership goes

going forward. Like I said, I'm sure he knows all sorts of degenerates who come on camera at this point. Yeah, well then loop. So, um, you know, yeah. Well then loop us in Finn with whoever you're,

I was going to say the heaviest comer, but even the lightest comer, you know, we will, we need a before and after success story. And I have real confidence in this thing too. There's no fucking doubt. This person will hit new levels. That's why we're so confident pushing it

because it fucking works it's it's a great way to bust more so check that out josh do you know any adult film stars that you could loop us in with unfortunately don't man not off the top of my head not unless that's like you know people i went to high school with and i hadn't kept up with them or something but no not them stay well going to stay well away. Nobody with any notoriety that I'm aware of. Fuck. I don't know any male porn stars. I think we talked about that a while back.

You can't name any? I think there's that one name that always pops up. James Dean is the one I can name. He's known for being a rapist, I think. Oh. That's not good. Oh, you heard it here, folks.

He's been blackballed from the... Is that a sex movie? He's been blue-balled. He was serious about his work. He's been blackballed. That's such a wild way to introduce me to a person. Isn't that the

rape guy? Yeah. I thought James Dean died in a car crash in like the 30s. Different James Dean. Yeah, the spelling of yours is D-E-A-N. This guy's D-E- E-N. His name should have been

James Peen. I don't know who these made upup people are you don't know you know stoia i don't know what stoia is i don't know what stoia is well i can name like four female porn stars and stoia is on that list she's perhaps that like literally supermodel hotness in a porn star i mean i mean shit i'll write it down but like i'm sorry i don't know it's one name like share yeah it's stoia yeah you could buy her um vagina fleshlight i was going for it's called stoia the destroyer i don't have it someone sent it to my house is it really no no i that's a request not a not a thing that happened I don't have it. Someone sent it to my house. Did they really? No, no.

That's a request, not a thing that happened. Somebody send it to my house. What if Stoya shows up, tries to take you away from it all? I imagine she's got a Ukrainian accent because I'm pretending she's Ukrainian. What if Stoya comes and she's like,

Woody, come with me. I need you to help me fight the russians that sounds kind of cool um you go outside there's like a van full of guys who are all going with her to find she's 37 now i knew she's been around for too long Yikes In December 2015 an article in the Daily Beast referred to Dean as the quote Bill Cosby of porn That's

a bad adjective You gotta be more specific like 90s Bill or 20s Bill No like he was teaching people life lessons while fucking like about how to get into college and i don't think that's what you say no he gave everybody fudge pops and pudding no apparently a lot of the male porn stars feel like all the women are free use and they're not all free use and uh that there's a culture of bad behavior in the are you meaning

to tell me this industry attracts predators and like shitty people could have thought you heard it here real yeah it's shocking you think whoa are we trying to think of good people celebrities because i have two for kings yeah like an admirable like admirable dude like i have admirable i didn't dude like i have admirable i didn't know it was tied into the king thing because the first one was the king lebron james doesn't have to be um lebron james impresses me and that he got like super famous at like 15 years old and throughout all that time there's never been anyone who's even had a bad experience with him seemingly he put a hundred million dollars

into that school that raises people bad at math but the intention was there uh the intention was there where someone got killed outside of it and nobody can do it was a white kid yeah he doesn't even count so but but lebron james uh apparently a super good guy and i just know if he took 15 year old woody and made him rich and famous he'd turn out to be a bigger asshole than he really did but the other one who I think you will all agree with Dolly Parton Dolly Parton apparently super nice

chick does good things for everyone I gotta say that I think that's an interesting proposition but I definitely don't think that I don't see everybody agree I think She's very very popular Yeah but I'm also aware that you know

She's tied herself up in politics At least one side is perceived that way Or the other you know She's not a political figure though Oh I got a figure though don't I Vote left Vote left She would have to have some wild takes to make me overlook those tits

i think isn't it something isn't it trans issues or something let her say whatever she wants i don't even know what side you're talking what i know about dolly parton is dollywood is a great theme part when you're a kid went there many times and uh um she's got big titties which is always just wonderful but uh she's got this book program where i don't know how many books they've given to kids who apparently need books for whatever reason but it's like so many millions of books yeah it's like a good thing yeah i don't care what the politics are i guess as long as she's not like i don't know maybe i do care what i agree with you. I think that's the more important part.

There are people who might disagree with her politics, but I don't think anyone's ever accused her of not coming from a good place. And that counts for a lot. Yeah, sure. Yeah, she seems nice enough. I think that's not a bad contender in my personal opinion. But I also know that a lot of people that were fans of hers throughout the 70s and 80s nowadays really, really hate her. Well, those are old Southern white people, so I'm not surprised, really hate her. Not for anything.

Those are old Southern white people, so I'm not surprised. They hate everything. You're right. That ain't nothing personal. Trump wants to be the Speaker of the House. There's been updates since the show started. I guess he's saying that if you guys can't agree to speak at the House,

I'll take it. I'm running for president. Maybe 90 days, I'll be your speaker. He he's just gonna add that to his resume and do the job that would be really cool um it could be anyone you know there's no prerequisite for speaker of the house you you can be the speaker i didn't know that you like you know what this matt woodwork guy making a lot of fucking sense the only you'll be here by noon tomorrow is the one about not being on felonies. But I just read, like, the Republicans are likely to ignore that rule. It's not a law.

Remember I said, I don't know, maybe the Senate or the president. It's a rule. Rules are meant to be changed. That's not what they say, but I get your point. Well, I didn't mean to say broken. I meant to say they probably did. I said what I did on purpose. I love your point. Well, I didn't mean to say broken. I meant to say they probably, I said what I did on purpose, but,

um, I love that timeline. Make him, make him speaker of the house. I love that. They're these accomplishments that these hardworking other people who are like Washington ilk, like would have dreamt of like,

Oh my God, can you believe there's only been whatever? 57 speakers of the house in the history of our country can you believe it yeah that's it's quite an accomplished to be one and then you add trump's name to that list and it stays there forever yeah there's only forever i forget i don't know i think there's been three speakers of the house this century something like that like it's not one that happens a ton oh Oh, I see. I didn't know that.

I don't pay attention. Maybe there's four, but they pretend there's three because there's that Republican dude who was the rapist, and they just removed him from the wall. There's no painting of him. I don't know anything about that either. I hope they make him Speaker of the House. It'd be really funny, and that's all I care about. That's what I

want for my politics. I want humor. I love and this is sports too, when they're like never happened before. Can you believe this sequence has never occurred before? I love that. You're seeing a historic first. It's great. He was a pedophile rapist.

Shit. His victim was nine or ten years old. He was a wrestling coach or something and he raped his wrestlers. He's the Speaker of the House? Republican Speaker of the House. Yeah. They kind of just removed him from the... It wasn't long ago either. The asterisk on him like it was Balco days. Jesus Christ. Again, I always go back to this. A lot of pedophiles 99 to 207 99 to 207

2007 i said it wrong yeah yeah no that's why it works well i didn't know anything about that what was his name dennis haster let me make sure that the den yeah i'm right i don't know that name kind of rings a bell but it's just something i heard on the news a long time ago, as far as I know. No, I'd love for Trump to get in there. I love the Trump story. I hope that he gets in and gets to do more stuff. And I really hope that he doesn't die before we get his full story. I want to see the full Trump story. I want him to get to a clear conclusion. If he became president, that's a good book in right there. Like whatever,

however, this presidency ends, that's how we're in your biography for sure. Like we're not going to continue on. There's going to be a happily ever after, or there's gonna be some text, uh, right.

The presidency and your, I feel like it's ends one of two ways. One, he's the president. He kind of pardons himself or he just says, fuck you. Go ahead. States enforce your jail against me. Get and try. Or the other is he ends up in some sort of gold plated toilet prison thing, right? Where like he's confined to

Mar-a-Lago to play golf for the rest of his days. Yeah, I hope that's the worst they do. I hope they don't try to put that man in a real prison because what are you doing? People say for whatever that's worth, that that's not really on the list of possibilities. He's never going to go to a real prison surrounded by Secret Service kept safe. Right. Yeah. I think if he did go to prison, he'd have to go to the florence colorado maximum super max i mean i don't see any other they'd either have to do that or that because they

wouldn't let him mix with the normal population period so it makes so much more sense i had a cheaper send him home put a put a bracelet on his ankle right my my idea was like empty out an entire wing of a minimum security place that's a little more comfortable where he stays. That's more realistic, to be fair. You just need a cell somewhere. I don't know why any... It's an unfathomable thing. I really hope they don't try to incarcerate

a former president while he's running and leading to become president again. That could end poorly. Maybe we have a little revolution, or maybe some of the military doesn't like the way that goes you know what i mean like that seems crazy talk to me in theory this new york case doesn't break him financially like yeah he is they're talking about a 250 million dollar fine which presumably he has and he'll certainly have if

they sell all his properties like against his will they're going to auction off his stuff. It definitely puts a dent in his legacy to some extent. He could probably just wave his hand over and make it all go away if he wins, though. Let's say they order him to pay the $250 million and take all of his shit away. I would imagine that that takes more. They don't just do it instantly, I would hope.

There's people who... I don't know. It's i would hope there's like people who don't know so it's new york and it's civil so the president doesn't have the power to make it go away but does the president have the power to make it go away like you know i believe it all technically prison wouldn't be on the line for it i'm sorry say that again i said i think that also means that in this particular case the prison wouldn't be on the line right can you go to prison for a civil suit oh no you can't you're right yeah but still the whole thing is absurd um i did did you see that clip it's um with it's set to friends music and it's like president trump the camera's panning around the courtroom it's like trump there's the prosecution and they're they're giggling and having a good time there's i don't know latita brown or whatever her name is the the the the lady from new york

who's like pushed all these charges she's back there staring daggers into the back of trump's head like clearly malicious and like this is all about her hatred for trump or at least factors in and then there and then like camera flicks up to the judge and the judge is like, hi, like smiling. He goes, it's like it's so funny. And but but then but Trump did not look like he's having a good time. The last time somebody upset Trump this much, it was when Obama tried to embarrass him at that at that. He responded by becoming the president of the United States. And he didn't leave him alone.

I hope he doesn't die because of this or during this. I hope we get to see, like I said, either find him guilty and he, and it doesn't work out and he doesn't become president. Or I really want to see him run again. I want to see if he can do it because Biden is just weaker by the day. Not that Trump isn't.

I mean, it's not like Trump's getting stronger, but Biden's on a steeper slope. I'd like to see Trump literally run. Show me that. No, I don't want to see that. I want to see it, and I want to see it shirtless. I don't think he can run,

really. It'd be like one of those little jogs. Step jog? Yeah. Most of the people in politics right now can't run, I don't think. Dude, it's getting older and older. It's not just perception. The average age of these people is just

climbing by way more than lifespans are increasing. We had a sitting politician drop dead a few days ago at 90 years old. Feinstein? Feinstein?instein yeah yeah she voted the same week she died so i guess um nancy pelosi wanted her to hold her seat so that uh she could retire at the end of her term and adam schiff would run but not like She could retire at the end of her term and Adam Schiff would run,

but not like trying to rent. So she wanted Adam Schiff. And then the rumor was Gavin Newsom who gets to appoint it, wanted somebody else, maybe Katie Portler. And in the end, Gavin Newsom picked this chick that seems like a lobbyist insider kind of raising money for Gavin's campaign. And now she's a Senator and gets the something of an incumbent advantage if

she wants to hold the job felt dirty and I don't I try to be honest in this stuff like whether it's blue or red but I have my biases but this is blue and it looked dirty look like he put this she wasn't a politician like I think if you're a senator if you you're going to put someone in the Senate seat, they should maybe currently be some sort of politician, maybe in the House of Rep already, you know, and then escalate them. But instead, he just grabs like the person who raised the money for

his campaign and made her senator. We were Halloween's coming up. Of course, we were talking about or I was I was in the chat yesterday telling Taylor and Candy that I'm trying to figure out what kind of candy to give the children in my neighborhood. And I sent them that map of all the popular candies, you know, every state in the United States,

because the rest of the world doesn't exist. We don't care what y'all eat. No, I don't think they do Halloween in the rest of the world. Mexico does, right? Day of the Dead and such does right day of the dead such it's basically halloween sure yeah uh i like uh i think i settled on a mixture of snickers and reeses like you said but um but i'm gonna branch out and get like some jolly ranchers and stuff too but but i i do like the idea so i've got a refrigerator with like like one like a big

wine fridge that i usually just keep my sodas in. And I think about wheeling that out on the porch and it's got, it's got the clear door and just stocking it with like, I don't know, maybe six, six sodas at a time. So they can't clean me out. Yeah.

And, and like half a dozen cold candy bars at a time or something that again, so they can't clean me out. And I just keep restocking it because like you said like a cold soda would be so awesome if you're trick-or-treating oh yeah that'd be big like i'm making some assumptions about atlanta's population but i'm trying to google what is the most popular candy for black people yeah sprite um sprites soda and uh oh i'm way ahead of you. Yeah, they love

Sprite. What are you way ahead of me on? Because did your Google search come up with cotton candy also? No. I didn't like that. What's that, Kyle? Black people like cotton candy? That's what the internet says.

How would you hand out cotton candy? I think you're missing the joke. But that's what it said. I'm there. I'm there with the cotton. I would not want to be given cotton candy ever. It's a dog shit candy. It's real gross when your fingers get sticky.

Like, what are you going to do? Like, I'm walking around the neighborhood all sticky and gross now. I don't want to do that. I disagree's sugar and i like it it's not that i'm gonna pick it or give it out or whatever but like if you got cotton candy and we were walking at the fair today and you're like woody can i share you do you want some yeah yeah i would say no i would say no if i was offered cotton really if you offered me a deep fried Twinkie, I'd be like, fuck, I'm cutting it in half. Let's split that thing. Let's do this.

I think that's big. That's mogul moves, having cold soda for the trick-or-treaters. I remember just one time I was in a, I don't remember how old I was, probably eight or nine, but I was doing that thing where you hit one neighborhood and then your parents drive you to a friend's neighborhood.

And then you hit that one, and you get all the candy. And there was one house that was handing out ice cold Cokes and Sprites. And I remember being like, oh, what? The possibility of getting soda door to door hadn't dawned on me. And I remember thinking, like, this is an awesome house. Like, this is the best house I've come across. They know everybody else has given food. And that chocolate, it makes you thirsty.

You're parched. You're walking around. You're exercising. And now you got an ice cold Sprite to wash down your candy mix. So I think you should lean into it. Yeah, you'll never get your house egged because people will defend your house. They'll be like, protect the soda man's house.

Put the soda man in his house. An army of goblins and ghosts and vampires protecting your home. Each with an empty can of Sprite or mostly empty to throw at the teenage hoodlum. So yeah, I think if you went cold candy bar and cold soda,

I don't think there's a house in Atlanta that could compete with you. When I got the soda out of my main refrigerator, it made everything so much nicer. I have a wine fridge completely stocked with sodas. I stock it completely full like it's an episode

of Cribs and sit back and like, yeah, that's 85 fucking you know i have a wine fridge or a beer fridge also day to cool off i i cannot yeah it does take a long time to get them all ice cold i cannot remember the last time like an actual beer was in my beer fridge it's fresca diet pepsi and like lemon waters and that's my gym i've got um that i've got one of those red bull uh coolers or refrigerators like from my um a gas station convenience store with the lid you pull off the top um and i just got that full of gatorade but um like right behind my couch because the kitchen is back there i have that wine fridge stocked full of like my three favorite sodas. And,

uh, I love it. And now my main fridge can just be food, which is so much better. It is. But yeah, I think I want to, the candy thing where would,

what are you giving out this year? Are you going to be a peasant, a pauper given out handfuls of trash nonsense, or are you going to go big? Man, I'm going to be surprised if we get trick-or-treaters, to be honest, in this where I live. We just moved into my own place, thankfully, like two months ago,

and we're kind of on like a county road, a long driveway, and then across from a long driveway and far from the neighbors. I'm really not sure we're going to get any trick-or-treaters, but now you got me thinking that I better get at least a bag of something. Definitely something. I'm going to go with like Kit Kat bar, the shareable size ones, man, and some Snickers and Reese's. I think Snickers and Reese's are always global popular.

At least from a Southern perspective, I feel like those are always kingpins. It's like Dr. Pepper Mountain Dew. It's a W all the way. So probably just some general chocolate mixed bag. Reese's and Snickers you can't go wrong with. I feel like I got a small dick for my Halloween now. Kyle's talking about how he's got a damn fridge he's going to put out there and the damn refrigerated candy bars.

It's awesome. If you've got $200, you can get yourself a refrigerator. I'm not flexing that hard. I have a mini fridge too, but I'm not feeling it. Well, la-di-da with your refrigerator. It's more of an idea than like a flex. It's more of a concept. I've got soda out there for it. It's a flex it's it's like sort of a concept soda out there therefore now it's a theoretical physical effort involved you know it's it's a

good thought man pretty strong i like it i think i could get uh i wanted something other than candy though i like the idea of like oh that's the boiled peanut house or or like oh yeah that's the yogurt man don't be the fucking yogurt man unless you want broken windows. Dude, if I would have showed up at a house and there was a yogurt man, I never terrorized homes after the fact. Oh shit, dude on the bottom, let's go.

I'm a regular motherfucker. And explain you forgot to get candy. Probiotic, hell yeah. What do kids love? Probiotics. They love granola and probiotics. They're going to be fucking rinsed out and goaded with the sauce.

It's going to be sick. Just lock it in your mailbox in two minutes. You know what? Some guy who is alpha, you're going to get full cans of coke from his house thrown through your windows. I was, so here's my situation.

I have a long driveway and no one comes for the first, like three years. We bought all this candy. Cause we have, we have a big house. So I didn't want to like give out anything less than appropriate candy, right? Like big Snickers bars.

So, um, uh, and then every year we got zero trick or treaters, none. We had decorations and stuff like to attract them. It didn't work. They just didn't,

I guess the walk reward ratio wasn't there. So now we just don't even turn the lights on and don't do it because all the buying the candy that was making my family fat and, uh, we're still going. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

So now if someone were to knock on my door i have no choice but to give them edibles because it's the only candy don't be that guy i got some gummies i don't know what else to do don't be that guy do not be that genius do not be the guy that like are made that's the biggest flex ever like imagine if you were giving $5 bills out. You want to get robbed? That's a flex. If you're just like... The kids are strippers.

The parents look and you're doing this and the kids are all dancing. They're kids. I realize it's a bad look. Good idea. Jared's not a bad idea. Actually, okay, that is Hastert. Good idea. Yeah. I'm giving myself.

Jared's not a bad idea. That's a great idea. Kyle, you could get on the local news. Yeah. Local creep. Give me money. Makes it rain on some local.

Kindergarten. The yogurt man. And everyone hates him. I've seen people who had the same situation as you, Woody, with the long driveway. And you don't want to do this but people who are like super into Halloween for whatever reason I always suspect pedophilia

they'll set up this whole little pavilion at the end of the driveway with like square hay bales around and jack-o'-lanterns and do this thing where you got a candle and a paper bag and make this like spooky thing that's real cheap and easy to make they'll have a whole little thing at the end of the driveway I was like I'll attach the trailer to make. They'll have a whole little thing at the end

of the driveway. I'll attach the trailer to the tractor. We'll do hay rides, which is like an October thing. And I'll bring them. But everyone said one. That was a liability nightmare. Pharmacolons and children are a rough mix. two, I don't know if it would even work. It'd be hard to

you need a crowd of kids to show up at the end of your driveway to make that work. I did one of those. I was going to go into the subdivision. Go to where the kids are. Haul them a quarter mile back to the house. So you're just like a really creepy Pied Piper.

You're some weed gummies. How long before the police get called when a strange man in his own just how long how long before police get called when a strange man in his own fucking farm equipment is collecting children from the cul-de-sac no we've got even more candy back in my house

imagine if a scarecrow pulled up driving a tractor and Jared from Subways in the back beckoning the children in like that handing out six inches. Six-inch sub-longs. Well played, well played. That is disappointing that you had to eat your own candy

because I know candy is a big love of your life, Woody. You love the sugar and the sweets, and so that is tough. I had so much extra candy after last year that like it it i easily gained a pound off of it in the following week because every time i would walk past my foyer i'm like they're so little like because i like i got some regular size snickers and those like i handed those all out first, except I still had a couple of those left. Yeah, it's not... Maybe those two years ago. My favorite candy is Reese's Miniatures.

It's the perfect chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio. You've had this debate up and down. I know, and people need to know it. People need to know it. I like mini better than the main ones. They got a little more chocolate. Yeah, the ratio is a little better. I agree. A little more chocolate gives it just a little more stiffness.

It's a little less grainy. Did you give it any thought to your Halloween costume? You're wrong. I don't like peanut butter that much. Every mini? What is this? No, you get them in a bag and wrap them. They make them in bags in just one big ass bag. They're just loose in a bag now.

You guys deny we're in a recession and you're raving about little... I was about to call them the snow crab of Halloween candy where you have to put them out in a bowl like wrapped but you can get them in the bag like you can just grab them like handfuls of popcorn. What if you're like a Toblerone house? Now that's a

wealthy man's candy. Damn. You know what I like? Peppermint patties and junior mints are actually some of my favorite candies. Ferrero Rocher. I tried them for the first time in 10 years. That might be the way to really pretend like you're flexing, because everybody thinks those Ferrero Rocher little hazelnut balls are expensive,

but they're not. They're cheaper than candy. What are the things with the cherries floating in the sugar juice? Cherry cordials. Is that it? Apple-covered cordials, I believe. Carrie Cordials. Is that it?

I believe. Don't you trick me into eating fruit on this holy day of all days. It should be candy and nougat and sugar and not a single vitamin will pass my list. I've been looking at Halloween costumes. I've been putting a bit of thought into it.

I don't want to spoil what I'm thinking of doing because I'm like 80% set on something now. But one of the things I looked at was those really hyper-realistic masks. I wanted a Vladimir Putin mask. And at first, they seem kind of affordable, especially if you do stuff like we do. And it's just like, I could bring Vladimir Putin out as a whole character. Like, hang on a minute but it's like 550 600 for the cheapest of masks the realistic ones and then you're like they're like you didn't want eyebrows did you you're like yeah yeah i wanted

eyebrows we're gonna ghoul do you think realistic for a reason all right 250 for eyebrows yeah it's real hey i must do you want a mustache? Show me what it looks like. Oh, my God. The one with the mustache and the glasses. That's Dennis Rader now. Then I saw that, that when you put the horse, like the male pattern baldness and the mustache on their old man, it became Dennis Rader.

The BTK killer. Wow. It looks so much like him that you basically became him it's the mask it's like it's like those masks that johnny knoxville would wear when he pranks people on the street or does the old man shit they look hyper realistic but once you throw all the hair on them which you need to be to like fit in with humanity they're like 1500 to 2500 dollars for this mask and i'm like i'm gonna I don't think I need a $2,500 mask. That's way too much.

Especially if you're sitting on mic and it's kind of interrupting the way you speak. That wouldn't be ideal. Dude, it looks... These are the ones that, you know, it's going to be glued to the top of your eyelid. They're kind of seamless. You need a makeup artist to put it on

or to help you with it, but it's kind of glued on. We should all wear the mask of each other. In that episode, I can be Kyle, Woody can be me, and Kyle, you can be Woody. That would be so upsetting to look at. A mask of me. It immediately devolves into like,

I'm Kyle, I'm gay. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm a stupid fucking retard. You guys gay. That's what I was thinking. I'm a stupid fucking retard. You guys will be roasting each other through the mask. That's exactly what I was thinking. Help me. I forgot how to breathe or something.

The audience is like, this is stupid. And it's like, well, we're in 7500 for that episode. But I do like those masks. And I kind of want one. I don't know what i want it for i really don't i just it's cool they look so real they look so fucking real you just pull that why don't you just Hillary Clinton Putin does not have facial hair so you would seal some savings there yeah um i didn't see the Vladimir Putin ones i saw were were sold out like long and there was no way to get a vladimir putin no matter how much money kim jong-un

yeah they definitely have it if they have putin they definitely have a moon you you could probably pull off a kim jong-un if you styled your hair just right anyway like i do need to shave need to get off the diet. I'm going to shave. Get real. I need to develop a... He eats a ton of cheese. I thought I read something that

he's like... Oh, the sacrifice Taylor would have to make. They say he eats a pound of crab a day to maintain his masculine physique. Oh, my God. He did lose weight, you're right, but I don't know if he's...

Yeah, I don't know if he's... If he's looking good or not. Yeah, so... Well, this doesn't seem like a reputable website, entertainment.ie, but it says, Kim Jong-un may be dying because he's addicted to Swiss cheese.

It's not even a good cheese. It's not the kind of cheese that you would just want to sit and munch on, Swiss. Like a nice Gouda, a nice Gruyere. Something like that is what you might want. I was hoping I'd know the cheese you liked. You never had Gruyere? Not that I know of. I like the pepper jack on the sandwich a little. What? Havarti cheese? Not that I know of.

I like the pepper jack on the sandwich. What? Havarti cheese? That's another good cheese. Man, your cheese knowledge is like my candy knowledge. I know you don't get commercials, but I clicked some movie on Roku the other day and watched a couple of commercials so I didn't have to buy anything.

And Zaxby's advertised. They have a chicken sandwich. Here's what they do. They took a scoop of pimento cheese spread and put it right in the middle of the sandwich. And then on the bun, they take a squirt of honey.

They soak the bun in honey, and then they make the sandwich and wrap it up. It's the pimento cheese and honey spicy chicken sandwich. Pimento cheese spread. So it's just like emulsified vegetable oil and bullshit. No, no, you can see it. There's like bits of cheddar cheese in there. I'm sure they make it there.

Chick-fil-A is like about as high quality as it gets. But that sounded like the most unhealthy sandwich of all time. Pimento cheese is just mayonnaise and chicken and pimentos mixed together. As far as I know, I wouldn't want that sandwich. I would try it, but it sounds disgusting, but I've also been shocked before.

I've thought stuff sounded like it was going to be nasty. I tried and I'm like, it's actually a pretty good combo of work. So, I mean, I'd take a bite of it. I guess I like pineapples on pizza. That's,

I don't understand why people don't like that or think that like, like, do you really identify with pizza or is your cultural relevance? Does it matter to you what happens to pizza? This is the thing I don't understand about the pineapple on pizza argument is if you're like, yeah, I don't like that as a topping. I don't think it should be on there. I think it's gross. People are like, oh, are you some pizza purist?

It's like, no, I also don't want Jolly Ranch ranchers on it i don't want sweet pieces of fruit it's not good with jolly ranchers on it i don't think it's good with pepperoni or not pepperoni with pineapple but if you said that you hated italian sausage i wouldn't be like oh there's jalapenos on it too this is the best they could make that look look at the honey that is how they do. Look at the honey. Yeah, that is how they do it. Look at the honey peeking out between the jalapenos. It's just a puddle of honey. That looks terrible. I mean, I'll take a bite of it, bro.

Oh, my gosh. Maybe I'll take a bite of it. She tells you not to worry about it. Look how much... This is like a customer photograph, too. It actually does look really good. That's not bad for legit for a fast food place, I got to looks really good what's not a bad bun you mentioned josh like what what's a food you guys have all started with josh obviously that you guys thought would be gross

at some point in your life and then you tried it and you had like a renaissance on that food bro i i have a gnarly one but i was only like 11 years old right for we had chinese roommates whenever i was younger for a while and uh they prepared this thing for easter they didn't really understand easter he knew he got holiday and egg he didn't speak that great english yet even though he's going here to old miss right and um so that's what he gathered it's an egg holiday so he made this thing i think they call them black eggs where it's like hard-boiled eggs possibly or normal eggs anyway they completely submerge them in a jar of soy sauce and bury it in the ground for a long ass time oh my god and then pull it out yeah and and that's and when he opened that jar not only

did the entire house smell like straight sulfur immediately my whole family started gagging my grandpa was over here like retching over the trash can and all that and i was the adventurous kid i said josh give it a bite man i ate that stuff until i literally threw up and now i'm old enough to know that it was probably too much sodium i probably i mean i was the shit looked it was like clear yellow the eggs it didn't even look like an egg it's like a gelatinous clear yellow and i took a bite of it it was delicious it tasted like just kind of salty eggs it didn't taste totally saturated like you would think it's like it had only absorbed so much and got saturated so So it was like really salty eggs. And it was terrifying.

I'm not going to lie. I thought I was going to throw up, but my whole family was kind of daring me to do it. And I loved it. That's almost exactly what it looked like. These ones were a little more transparent. Why did the, I don't understand if it's in a jar, why was it buried?

I'm not sure. I think it's part of the tradition of it. I'm not sure. Maybe they call them thousand year eggs or black eggs or something like that. He didn't live with us at the time yet. He went on to become our roommate. So no one steals your disgusting eggs. So no one steals your rancid rotten eggs. Yeah, it might have just been instinct. Just keep it away from everybody.

I would say if you're in a culture where that is a delicacy, you probably don't have a lot of food, so you better hide it. That looks almost exactly like them. That looks like what that mosquito got trapped in in Jurassic Park. I was just thinking that looked like the amber. Yeah, it looks like amber. I would not want to try that,

but I'm glad that you found out that you liked century eggs. Delicious. I'll never have them again. Yeah, I think that is it. Yeah, century eggs. I only know that because when when you watch like a reality show often that's the thing that's like an early on like get ready to eat something gross and then they they have to eat a century okay that's a good one it's very unique there's a southern dessert and uh you take a pear you cut it in half. You got two pieces now. And then you

take mayonnaise and shredded cheese, put on top of that, and a cherry in the middle. And that's the dessert. I can't remember what it's called. It's called like pear salad or something. And it used to be a very popular southern dessert. I think it's from a time gone by to some extent. But I've had

it. I've had it before. Zach will find a photo of it. It looks like what I just described. And you liked it? You liked it? It's pretty good. You know, it's not as bad as you would think. It's this weird mixture of flavors and textures that weirdly works.

You know, I haven't had it since. My answers are so standard. One, cranberry sauce. I think every child hates cranberry sauce, then grows up to realize it's got something there. A little tang. It can be good. I like it. The other is Brussels sprouts, but I'm not sure I actually like the Brussels sprouts as much as I found a place or two that prepares

it. It's probably filled with butter and other goodness. Oh, man. That sucks. That's gross. That looks nasty. Yum. No, I don't like that. Do you like nasty. Yum. No, I don't like that. You like deviled eggs? No, I don't like mayonnaise.

I can eat so many deviled eggs. I love deviled eggs. Mayonnaise is a big part of our culture as white people, so you need to get the fuck on board. You're like a black person. I'm not on board with mayonnaise. No, I don't braid my hair. Shazan, get the fuck over here and get them braids in your hair. Taylor, get your mayonnaise. Either eat your mayonnaise sandwich and get the fuck on or get over here and here get the braids in your hand taylor get your mayonnaise either

eat your mayonnaise sandwich and get the fuck on or get over here and get these box braids in just on you know that's how i'd go down like it's part of your culture it's mayonnaise so get with it on everything mayonnaise is not part of my culture not my president not my condiment you know that that's one of the... I saw a bunch of slurs against white people, and one of them was mayo monkey. Mayo monkey. Isn't it funny how you can just be like,

as a white person, like, who gives a fuck? White people all do that. They're not even good. Yeah. I can't think of a white person slur that gets a rise out of a white person a two word slur come on slur makers let's let's get a little more concise here let's get something good i heard mayo monkey it was like oh not bad not bad yeah i laughed at it yeah yeah i do like mayonnaise

yeah yeah that's true i don't identify with that part of being white. The mayonnaise. I fucking love mayonnaise. I put it on everything. I identify heavily with the cheese part. I could eat a mayo sandwich, no problem. I could dip fries in it. It's not my preferred, but I wouldn't shrug it. If I had nothing, mayonnaise. You'd eat a mayonnaise sandwich?

I could eat a mayonnaise sandwich right now. I'm a little hungry. Yeah. I would love a mayonnaise sandwich if it fit into my fucking diet profile that's the challenge yeah mayonnaise goes on every sandwich though like i does what do you know what the fucking english people do they put butter on there like they're making a sandwich and they pick a big smear of warm room temperature butter so it'll spread on the bread and then they start putting ham and salami and fucking cheese on that shit.

Why are you saying that with a grimace? That sounds so much better than mayonnaise. Butter? You think butter loses to mayonnaise in a head-to-head battle? You're insane. I know that it loses to mayonnaise in a head-to-head battle. As a sandwich condiment. One of them is and one of them isn't.

Well, clearly, England, this is the first good thing about English food I've ever heard. When I think about a grilled cheese sandwich, the bread is just soaked in butter. That's the best part of the grilled cheese sandwich, the butter bread. Thanks for jumping in on my side.

You think it is, but you're wrong because the best grilled cheese sandwich has mayonnaise inside and outside. You put mayonnaise inside, slice of cheese, and then the outside, thin layer of mayonnaise, it browns up on the grill. It's way better than butter. No, that's what butter does, but better.

No, mayonnaise. No, butter. We're in an impasse. I need to say that it has to be, there's only one kind of mayonnaise that I consider to be real mayonnaise, and that's Duke's mayonnaise. Any other kind is some sort of weird white sauce that I want to be a part of. Miracle Whip?

That's literally not mayonnaise. Sugar Float. Mr. Pinky's up now. Don't misunderstand. When he says that's not mayonnaise he doesn't mean it like ah that's not football he means that's literally doesn't i don't think it counts there's a definition for what mayonnaise is and that doesn't meet it i knew that i just had it like to fuck with him

i mean as eggs the best kind of sugar is sodium chloride? It's literally not sugar. More mayonnaise in your diet. It's part of our culture. It's a wonderful thing and you should embrace it. Like an Italian not enjoying spaghetti. Every pasta is easy to like because you can just put all sorts of

different flavored stuff and meats on it. I love pasta because of that. It's so versatile. My issue with pasta is it's often difficult to eat. It comes in a thousand different shapes and none of them work that well on a fork or a spoon. I like mustard. That's pretty good.

That's my favorite noodle shape. Zach, pull up noodle shapes. We can have an argument about that for an hour now i remember as a kid like thinking that oysters were going to be disgusting and after like one of them being like this is great this is fantastic it has to be good oysters though i love oysters i've had red lobster oysters they were atrocious and a little sandy and uh but then i've had really lobster oysters. They were atrocious and a little sandy. But then I've had really expensive oysters at a nice restaurant in Chicago or in Seattle. They're just fantastic.

They taste completely different. A whole different texture. And then the presentation, frankly, is a big part of it, too. I like when they bring me that big three-tiered silver platter with dry ice. big three tiered silver platter with dry ice. And I remember one place they had dry ice and then they had, um, lights buried under the dry ice. So it,

so that the platter glowed faintly when they put it down and like the, the, the dry ice is making like that fog and the, and the lights are coming from within it, like underneath all that, all that. And then there's these cute, you know,

the shrimp on one side and then the crab and then the um the oysters and everything that i love that's but but yeah they're disgusting to look at though they're just awful they can look a little rough but like once you've had enough oysters you know like this is gonna be good just don't care what it looks like it's gonna taste great it's been about a year since i've had oysters um i think i did like a birthday dinner last year and wasted a bunch of money on some oysters that i didn't like i don't think it's necessarily like a fancy man food but i feel fancy eating oysters you know what i mean i think it is where you live i guess i think it can be both because i think you know i guess it depends what kind of oysters you're eating right like whether you're eating

some a big pile of oysters or something that's like $10 an oyster or something. I want high-quality oysters. I used to buy oysters at Kroger when I was like 17. I used to love them shits. They sell oysters? Yeah, they used to have them. No, no, no.

It was like put it in the oven, man. It came and they were open shell, open shell oysters. And they came in a sauce and a little tray. You just stick it in your oven, man, for like 20 minutes. Aren't they dead if it's open? I would eat them. Yeah, they weren't fresh. They were frozen and processed. So they were kind of rubbery. I don't think I was supposed to eat them if they're dead.

Nothing I've heard of. I never got sick of them that I know of. I learned that oysters survive. If they were frozen, I don't know. I didn't hear what anyone said. If you buy an oyster, is there ever a pearl in there? No, I've never found a pearl in there? No.

One of these. They were open. I've never found a pearl in there. I've actually never dug around and looked. When you order them, they go ahead and open it up and clean the shell up, and then they take this tool and sort of separate the oyster itself from the shell slightly. They do a little maneuver to it. So if there were an oyster in there, I think they'd catch

a pearl in there. I'm sure they'd catch it. Look at that. I've seen that in the store. That's kind of similar. I always shiver when I walk past those in the fucking groceries. See, this is where we differ. I would eat that.

A little mayonnaise on top. I'd rather eat 36 of those than one dollop of mayonnaise i guess that's not a fair comparison because i like oysters and i don't like yeah i'd rather eat a huge amount of this thing i like than a small amount of this thing i don't so kyle i know you have max used to be hbo max um have you watched naked attraction on that show yet i'm so glad you brought this up uh i have watched about half of an episode just to get the gist of it thought it was just wild and then turned it off because it's so absurd the gist of this it's

a dating show um they'll have one person looking at i think five or six people and they reveal their naked bodies along the way so right out of the gate the like little window raises to their belly button i thought for sure they'd be around where you're like oh she's got nice knees i guess and like maybe infer a body type by calf nope nope you're just like you're looking at six pussies right out of the gate and and the guy's like you know that one seems nice by the and by the cow did you want to say something before you go yeah so so like the there's a person who the show's kind of about and he or she will be standing there clothed and then there's five or six potentials in these glass

booths behind glass and they reveal first like they're just their bottoms they're just all standing there bottomless like dicks hanging out i thought it was going to be thighs or something no cocks out do it yeah just see the first and we're zooming in just to be clear with no blurring that should be just so everyone understands what we're talking about here. We're going from cock to cock in the first episode and this black chick is like I like that. Not too small.

She's like, not too small. It's like another chick with it. What about that one? They're talking about these cocks one by one and we are really lingering on a close up. We'll spend a minute and a half. they're talking about these cocks one by one and and we are really lingering on we are lingering we'll spend it's medical half like if it was in real life my nose would be touching this dick and they're they're discussing the bush they're discussing whether it's cut or uncut how cute the

dick is and and they're choosing the guy by the way like they go there's like i don't even know maybe four rounds like first they raise it you see his dick and then they raise it a little more and you see like neck down and then you see his face and it's not until like the fourth round that they talk at all you do completely choosing this person based on the shape of their body and it really spends a lot of time talking about the genitalia right they turn around and look at the ass they discuss whether the ass crack is long enough how hairy it is between the ass crack and in the taint they're like that's a bit of a hairy taint you know i like a hairy taint though okay all right well this is the guy for you then maybe

and and like i'm watching this with jackie and like we're like like i guess that's a nice dick i guess like what do you think is there is there money in it is it just a date do they quiz the naked people other than just looking at their penis and pussy no so like on the fourth round they ask the naked person that is after you their face, they say, what is your favorite and least favorite part about your own body? And they'll be like, I really like my calves and I really dislike my belly or whatever. And then they're like, oh, so what do you think of his voice? Right. Nothing about the content of their character at all.

I thought his voice was a little deeper than I expected it to be. You know, and like, it's interesting to me because most dating shows are probably dating in real life. They just completely ignore personality altogether. They don't know what job they have. They don't know anything. This is like a very Sodom and Gomorrah kind of show. Oh, it's great. We're about to have that big meltdown.

It's coming. World War III. Lord's coming back. Y'all better get right because eventually the lady who's been this cock that cock not that when he can go now she's naked and she's looks pretty good naked like her titties are like perfectly symmetrical and looking the right direction and everything and they're like that's nice if i which it's fantastic and she, her tits are fantastic. And she's like, yes, I hear that often. And she's like a little bottom heavy and she's got pubic hair and she's got armpit hair too.

And the guys are like, is that too much pubic hair? Well, I don't know. Does it go away to the back? She turns around and is like, nah, looks good, looks good. But she has, through this weird process of elimination that they've gone through, she's gotten frankly, an alpha male exotic type with a big dick

and like a pudgy-ish ugly guy with a small dick. Somehow it comes down to them at the end, and I'm just like, how did she get here? Because I'm fast forwarding just to kind of get the gist of this. I'm just to get the gist. and just to kind of get the gist of it. Just to get the gist. So Kyle's right. The alpha man with the dick,

he has one amputated leg, right? So it's like a steel thing from like the knee down. And he has a tattoo of an elephant where his cock is the elephant's. Oh, that's trashy. Oh my God. I think that's a different one maybe than I watched. This is the first episode. With the armpit hair? I think, yeah yeah that's why I thought it was the same one

I fast forwarded so Yeah yeah Dude's got a Two contestants What's your favorite part about that guy's body And he's like I'd really like his other leg And I thought that was a solid answer

But Yeah I'd really like his other leg. And I thought that was a solid answer. But yeah, so like, I don't know. I guess it is just awkward for me to do all this like dick rating and stuff with Jackie. All the contestants and the host of the show as a girl, they don't seem to understand anything about the shower

versus grower thing. They all seem to think they've gleaned everything there is to know from a flaccid dick and i just feel like they're really missing out on something major there they should get the guys to like caress or i don't know what it would yeah i i thought that there was a lot of small penises on the show, frankly. Two of the first four women reject people for having dicks that are too big. I didn't see that coming. Interesting. If you skipped ahead, you might have

not realized that some of the better dicks were so happy. I also thought they were all very unattractive dicks. I wouldn't have chosen any. I'd have been like, try again. Try again. Try again. I just found the elephant guy.

This isn't even a good tattoo. This is a badly done elephant. Do you have a link? Yes. We can't show this, Zach. I just want to be sure. It's on HBO. I do recommend it. I think it's a funny show

I watched one episode in Fast Forward And just thought the novelty of it was worth That much I don't think I want to watch anymore Because it's just Anything that's that close to pornography It's like I'll just go do the pornography instead

I'm not going to be able to watch this show I can't watch a vagina judging show without jerking off. The better the show is. That's how Rome works. That's how Game of Thrones works. That's how all shows work. I like the boys. Does anybody get hard while standing there

hands-free to show their virility? Oh, no. I swear to God, I would be doing moves if I was on that show, I would either rock the hard-on to stand out, or try to pull a semi

off as a flaccid. Right? Just get a little inflation in there. Give it a couple pumps. Like the Nike Air Maxes. Yeah, I got an Air max thing in my gooch i just oh we did catch there's a guy who did that guy got a semi on the show and jackie's like dude he grew he grew and i'm like you're absolutely right that guy is a chub and then in the next scene he was back down to his flaccid size is the confirmed confirmed this guy's changing sizes over the course of this episode And then in the next scene, he was back down to his flaccid size.

Confirmed. Confirmed. This guy is changing sizes over the course of this episode. But that did you get through the woman picking like, oh, this guy. Vero ish. He's he's starting to get hard. He's getting hard at my voice. Man, when he sees my face, he's going to be busted on her.

Like right there. Like hands free. Let's bust all over the place. Everybody's standing back there and you just hear one guy like, ugh! Get him out. Every time someone gets voted off the island, they hug before they go, right? So these are two

naked people just sort of like doing the hug and then he says, you know, thanks for considering me or whatever and they ask him how his experience was on the show. And I pay a lot of attention to these hugs. Are these guys rubbing cock and pussy on this hug? Is he getting a chest full of

boob or do they really do the collarbone to collarbone distance butt out hug? That quarantine elbow bump thing. Yeah, one person did a handshake i was like yeah just fuck get out of here like some of these

guys like i'm gonna suck on a titty a little like why would you volunteer for this show with when you're as overweight as some of these guys and girls because like they're oh i guess that might be so every contestant on the show has an aspect of them that the like target person, the prize person said that they liked.

But they don't tell us what that is. But they might be like, look, I'm totally into long feet. I'm totally into cute butts or whatever it is. So while I see a pudgy guy, they see something about him that they think is cool. I don't know. Beards or whatever. 401k. 401k. Yeah, but

the show really draws me in to some extent because of the complete removal of personality. There's rules against talking through most of the selection process. I like that. I want to hear your voice, but that's all that matters. I'm glad they incorporated

some of these people are very fat and have very little penises. Yeah, you got to head out, Josh. Yeah, I got a dip, man. I got a little bit of a YouTube meeting here shortly. Oh, YouTube meeting? Where can everybody find everything Josh Palalt? Well, you can search Josh Palalt on YouTube. I actually just returned to YouTube. It took a

really long time off. We're having some living situation struggles. I'm back and I've got people helping me now. I just did a video not long ago that was about a joke video about how to survive prison. And then I also announced at the end of it that I'm trying to move past doing videos just about me being in prison. And I released a video about Filthy Frank and me talking about a meme that I missed, and the Harlem Shake and all that, because people have asked me a lot about it. I've got some new videos out. Still up five days a week on Twitch, so everybody come hang out, and I really appreciate you guys having me

again, man. It was a great time. Yeah, of course. Good to see you. Absolutely. I'll see you guys again soon, hopefully, man. Have a great evening. Everybody enjoy the show. Hmm. I'm transfixed on trying to. Good. Everybody enjoy the show. Hmm. Did you, uh, I'm transfixed on trying to find a good clip of this show. This is not a sit and watch a whole episode show.

Like I surprised you. Like we're, we're chaining, man. Some of these girls asses are so much worse than like the girl to their left. Like that's gotta be, that's gotta be, or maybe they don't see the other naked. some of these girls' asses are so much worse than the girl to their left. That's got to be... Or maybe they don't see the other naked women next to them. I mean, they're going to watch the broadcast on HBO,

I would imagine, where it'll stay for the rest of their lives. How did you make Grandpa? Well, let me show you. Boom, boom, boom. Well, your grandfather had the nicest ass in Birmingham. I told the producers that I wanted an uncut cock. And there your grandfather was.

And he took as long as the day. When I think about how attractive a person is guy or girl body fat percentage plays a huge role in for me i would say body fat to set percentage plays a big role in like how good someone's face is you know suddenly the cheekbones the jawbones everything like you just look better all over the place and uh but them, other people don't seem to share my opinion. Pudgy guys are getting far. Pudgy girls are getting far. I wouldn't trust that. I don't think that's real. I'll say this. On Tinder, you get the lay of the land for realsies.

The rubber has hit the road. No one's being nice. No one's like, oh one's helped no one's no one's like oh let's be inclusive everybody's the rubber has hit the road okay and and you see what rises to the top and like what gets the most attention and what gets the least attention and you know you can you can do some real easy math to figure out that no actually people like less fat than more fat and like more symmetrical to less symmetrical and like there are things that people like and they work and they're always going to work yeah being fit is universally popular they may have found someone on there who's like i just like

fat ugly bitches who are interesting and funny and uh man i hope you can help could you where are they where are they could you find me a fat ugly funny bitch and they're like we're swimming with them have you met me one thing that happens like i see on the show anyway all right there's six naked people up there i probably have picked the two who have a chance in a heartbeat right even just by the time i saw their pussies from the neck down i've made assumptions about their butt their legs and whatever else carries through boom i would something really weird would have to be revealed for me to change my mind by showing me the top half i've learned a lot yeah but that means that the other four i can eliminate in any

order i want i can keep the fat chick around and make myself look not superficial. I can keep a guy on. I don't give a fuck. It only matters is who's the last one. Sorry, Victor, but I'm going with Stacy. Oh, so close. Oh, no! I'm sleeping on

the right bridge now. Do they ever have like a dwarf and it's like a very low that'd be the fucking move they do raise the little glass I threw a dwarf in there can you imagine if you lose to a dwarf

that would be embarrassing but to Woody's point if I were the picker I wouldn't knock the dwarf woman out right away because I'd be like That would be embarrassing. But to Woody's point, if I were the picker, I wouldn't knock the dwarf woman out right away because I'd be like, this seems mean. I'm going to be honest. I'd fuck the dwarf just to fuck the dwarf. The dwarf might win.

Single Woody is like, look, I'm not agreeing to marry this person. This is a person who I get to see naked who probably puts out i'm putting a menagerie together give me that little bitch you're putting together a team one of the women was bisexual so her cast had like men and women and one of them might have been gay gay woman and i was like i don't see why we can't all be winners here. Right. Like the lady picks her person. But can't the contestants pick each other and fuck around?

Yeah, they should get to fool around backstage. I bet they do. I bet they're probably their self-esteem just took a hit. They need a little affirmation. They're already naked back behind the scenes. They do a little bit of that. I'm surprised the producer gave them. They're feeling a bit dizzy.

Right this way to the car? I don't remember coming in. So you would pick the dwarf? You wouldn't be afraid of catching it? Catching the dwarfism? I mean... Is that how that works? Yeah. You fuck a dwarf and the next morning you wake up like,

Oh no! Oh my god, well played. Why didn't you tell me you had this? Oh god! You could have connected myself. That's how it works. First your penis shrinks to dwarf size and then it spreads throughout your body. Everything else

shrinks to mass. You wake up in adult clothes. You're crawling out of your shirt. You come out of the coma and the doctor's like, don't worry, we stopped it before it got to your legs. Wait, what? Start it up again. I got a match. You have to fuck a tall person now.

Would you rather be a regular sized person with a micro penis or a midget with a six incher that's just an average male penis? Yeah, I'm going to be that little guy. Because that six inch is going to look like nine on my little frame.

I think I would also have to go dwarf. I already have the head size. Yeah, I think so. You sort of do that walk where you wobble around because your hips don't work right. Because you have like a Labrador retriever hips. My hips hurt all the time.

Oh, but how about this? You have that voice, too. Oh, no. How small is the micropenis, though? Is it just small? Whatever standard micropenis size is. All right, so here's how you determine it. So take your finger, the last little digit part that's like your fingernail to oh that's your dick yeah

this is what you got to work with like like like this online i've seen clits that's yeah there are clits bigger than that there are clits bigger than that and that is why it's called a micro penis and not a tiny dick well okay fair enough i guess that's also true but like you can't even talk about nano and pico penises. A pico penis? That's where it's so small that you need to go to Sweden and have the hydron collider or whatever to look at it.

Or taking two tiny penises and slamming them together in Sweden to see if it opens up a black hole. Yeah, I would rather be the little guy. Hopefully I can be like you know a handsome one now those are few and far between but nope your face changes to your face changes to dwarf style also i don't know that could work like how about this how about let's see if this

decision is as easy for you if it's not peter dinklage dwarf it's verne troyer dwarf oh i just off myself no you can't kill you no you can't take it out i go to a couple auditions it's verne troyer size if it doesn't work out i kill myself even with your average size penis on his body nah nobody's gonna to want that. There's a reason that little guy drank himself to death. Life was hard being him. That would have been a very difficult life. Everything after Mini-Me

was probably difficult. I've told before, but his manager is also Dan Valserian's manager, and we knew him and them. Got to talk. I never got to meet him, but we were talking about doing a video where he shot a gun before I completely understood how tiny he was.

I mean, I've seen Austin Bowers, but he was like the size of a three-liter soda, dude. Yeah, he wasn't even three feet tall. He was like two and a half feet tall, something like that. You could sit him on this table, and'd like stand right here on this table right here in front of me. Like, like a little, like,

like he's infant sized. So, so tiny. Like it was, uh, he couldn't, he didn't really have any, uh,

he was clearly a real depressed person. I would be too. That's a really rough roll of the dice for life. He'd have a bottle of absolute vodka as big as him. Two foot eight. Jesus Christ. Two foot eight.esus christ two foot eight r.i.p verne troyer yeah i wouldn't want to live like that no you wouldn't but you'd live instead of being verne troyer you'd live as the regular size micro penis man no no no neither one that's what i said like if it's between regular size micro penis or Vern Troyer with anything,

I just take the way easy way out. I think. No, you can't pause it on your own hypothetical and then say you would kill yourself instead of suicide is always an option with any of our hypotheticals. You can always say, nah, I just kill myself because that's so funny.

How quickly you go to killing yourself. It'll be like, would you rather be yourself, but you're 5'9", and you're like, oh, it's just train tracks. Get on the train tracks. Well, let me ask you. I immediately become 5'9", or I've had to live my life as 5'9"? Oh, man.

Like you have to live your life as 5'9"? No, no. I've had to live my entire life as 5'9". He was an enormous baby. His mom was wrecked. Yeah, you would have to live your whole life as the 5'9 guy, which 5'9 is the average height for guys. I mean, I'd give it a good try.

You'd be fine at 5'9". Yeah. I'd do my best, but if things don't work out things don't work out at five nine you you check it's like it's like you know you sometimes i'll be playing boulder's gate right and i'll roll the dice and they'll be like if i roll a 17 or better i get through this door and i don't so i'm like fuck it you just restart you know so you know what i would do is if it were between being uh peter dinklage like what i like to think is a high cast dwarf or a high dwarf a high dwarf like or being like five foot four i'm taking the peter dinklage like because then you can at least

get like disability and everyone's like hey what's up with that guy no one nobody's gonna make fun of you because it's like you have a disability yeah whereas the five foot floor guy is gonna get bullied ruthlessly ruthlessly that guy doesn't even have a fucking support group out there there's no like short kings anonymous or anything like i should be if you're if you're a five foot maybe if you're asian and you know what hang on i'm gonna pull back on that because i've seen it work because kitty's cousin jj i've talked i always bring him up when we talk about short guys he wouldn't found himself a japanese girl who's tiny as fuck and it just works like they're the right ratio of heights you know what i mean like he found an exceptionally tiny girl so that they match well likeis too. Just go to South Korea. Are they known for their small penises?

Yeah. They're known for their small vaginas? Penises. Yeah, you could have like a... I don't know. Micro is pretty small apparently. But if you had like a three and a half, four inch penis and you go to South Korea, you're normal.

There is no way the average penis in South Korea is four inches. Zach, show me the average penis in south korea is zach show me the average penis show us south korea bring it on there was a netflix documentary i talked about it once years ago and uh it was the guy was a filmmaker and his girlfriend dumped him because his penis was too small. And he was like, all right, I need to figure out, was this just a measure of cruelty where she disliked me? Or is my penis really that small? Like I'm aware it's not big, but what are we up to? And, uh, he goes to a urologist. He goes like to other experts and it confirms that yes it is indeed a small penis and

then one of his solutions was to go to South Korea and be normal no you're making this up wait so he went to a doctor instead of like getting a ruler like and just yeah how long it was.

He wanted to know how he measured up. Couldn't he just Google it and then measure his dick without wasting a doctor's time? It's called Unhung Hero. Okay, that's a good name. I bet he started with that awesome name and then worked backwards into what he's going to do with it. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go to South Korea because they have little vaginas.

Here, let me read this, the overview. Patrick Mote very publicly proposes to his girlfriend while being shown on the Jumbotron screen at a UCLA basketball game, and she refuses his proposal. A video clip of the failed proposal ends up on YouTube and gets millions of views. She later says the reason for rejecting him was that his penis is too small and he travels the world to find out if size matters. That's a rough one.

So instead of killing himself, he made a documentary. Showtime? Showtime? Distributed it. Yeah, I think it was real this is why the japanese killed themselves so much you know how they they do that thing where they they cut they disembowel themselves it's because they already have a small penis so if one thing

goes wrong why go on you think that's the reason that's what it is i thought it was they're on the edge they're right on the edge because of the micropenis thing. So any dishonor at all is just. How long could this movie be? Probably not very. Like three inches. An hour and 24 minutes. How long? Like, how many times did he have to be told?

I'm sorry, sir. You have a very little penis. And he's like, well, maybe a Cambodian doctor will have my back. No, it's not all doctors the doc the chick was cool the doctor apparently you can measure an erect penis size by just stretching a flaccid penis and it's really good estimate it's not perfect but like you find out what you're working with um don't do that yeah why would you if you're going if this guy's going to get his penis measured, he can't even...

He expected the female urologist to just suck it for a little while, get it properly hard. No, that's inappropriate. I'm saying he should do it himself. He paid good money for that appointment. If you're going to a penis measuring doc, and you're going to let them just stretch it like taffy

instead of getting hard i would get hard doc can you come back in three minutes i'm almost ready i don't know how to result but i was talking about the other day i really want to do like a pka family feud where we you know we we pull 100 of our uh viewer listeners and uh and they're the ones quizzed or the patrons they're the ones who were like quizzed on the various questions and then we basically play family feud we need a someone to participate as some sort of a arbiter of the game so that we compete against one another and uh but but maybe patron uh patreon's the way to go uh do we have i'm guessing we have an email list of like everyone who's ever been part of it or

maybe everyone who's currently i don't know how it works but yeah we just use the current people and like select randomly somehow to get 100 out of. I promise this isn't even just a way to milk another dollar out of each of you. It's a dollar, but join the Patreon for a dollar, and then that way you'll be part of the email list and you'll get to take part in the survey. I think you probably need to. Again, not even trying to milk 30 extra dollars or anything. I just need 100 people total to poll for family.

The number adds up to 100. We need to think of good questions, too. I working on questions i've got a bunch um but i'm lying i'm kidding we gotta work hard how about this how about like in between games of code names next time we're on we'll just spitball some some good family i think i think the way to do it is a mixture of questions straight stolen from the show because there's a reason they're there and some things that are relevant to us specifically or the show or it's

mythos and history and such. We asked 100 PKA listeners what's Wing's favorite snack? Oh, see, I like subjective stupid shit. 97 people people are gonna choose the same answer banquet meal i went bing bing bing bing oh no wendy's chili said thank you wendy's chili is

gonna kill that banquet meal or would it that's the game you see my okay, you know, um, what's Woody's favorite hobby. Oh, good job. I don't even know. That's a good one because there's like 15 hobbies in there. Yeah. So, and then I can phrase the question differently.

What's Woody's least favorite current hobby. You know, you can, you can have a lot of fun with that. Um, so, so yeah, join the Patreon.

There's a link down below. Um, I, uh, or, um, yeah, favorite slur. The. There's a link down below. What is Taylor's favorite slur?

The cheapest one's a dollar. You don't get anything for a dollar other than what I'm telling you right now. Is it the R word? If that counts as a slur, yes. And then 50, you get everything and you get to join us in our Discord where we play code names. You can be one of our retarded code name partners that piss us off so that we make fun of you later on in private chats. There's a guy we're still making fun of. Hey, I make fun of them while they're still there. We did that too!

There's a guy we're still making fun of. Yeah, we do a thing of like, bad cop, horrible cop, and then I'm pretty nice. What were you thinking? The guy's like, this was my first game ever well it's gonna be your last now pedro oh i got i got shouted down i'm like hey guys it's his first

time being the clue master and kyle i think was like and hopefully the last like just this fucking retard doesn't know that and the guy's like i'm learning the game it's harder than you thought i i maybe there's a narcissism issue here but like kyle was saying if you get people to guess three words you're doing pretty well and four is like a really uncommon thing but possible and i thought i would be hitting a threes a lot and four sometimes like like i would instantly walk in and be one of the best that's not the case it's tough and also like there's tactics to it that people don't know right away like some people will be like oh there are four kind of related words to this clue i'm gonna go for the big swing four uh and it's like often a solid two guess is better than a stretch three guess because like you're going to get more consistent.

Whereas like just because you can do a four doesn't mean you should. And some people don't know that early. It's fun to try, but it has to be in. It has to be the time. Early three or four, like with skinnies. I loved skinnies. That's that. that's you needed me on your team because i got oh god i needed you so bad your team did it i laid it out for your team

like three rounds later i'm like arenas and also like i thought there was an african tribe called the tutus but it's the tootsies or some shit close to fucking enough and i've been in that situation with ivory but you immediately put the other team in this really shitty position where there's already a little pressure to come up with a clue quickly because everybody's waiting on you come on we're on you everybody's polite about it but every now and then be like hey who are we waiting on and they gotta be like yeah it's me sorry i'm thinking oh no no no rush but we're all waiting on you deep in my heart all i want to know is that you're trying like no one's ever taken 30 minutes but it's if you're aware it's your turn and you're at it three four five

maybe one of them because what happens is like the other team's going and that can take 10 minutes so you might not realize that like now i'm on the clock and it's just i just want you to know it's your turn yeah i yeah i love code names and uh but yeah join the patreon we'll we'll uh send you our uh and and check your email regularly we're going to send you some questions soon i'd like to do it for the halloween episode that'd be neat that would be fun i would like that how many questions we how do we do it with three people do we have uh well we would need like zach everything out? Well, we would have a guest. We'll probably have a guest.

I don't know who that's going to be, but then we could even have someone run the game. I don't know. We'll work it out. I'm not here, but we'll figure something out. We'll need to get a tried and true guest, someone like Tucker. Tucker or Dick Masterson,

someone like that would be very good how about me and woody versus you and someone i pick well i don't feel like this is fair now who are you gonna pick for me you're gonna pick the fucking uh the fucking costa rican lsd guy that's better than my pick i forgot forgot the name of Kyle's floofy dog, but it's who I thought he'd choose to play with Toby. Toby. Yes. Yes. Taylor and Toby.

I'm like for the last time, what is a Netflix producer do like, yeah, that would be tough. I would need to, I would need to have a little pick in my own, or we could do randomly random teams either way this is something we can figure out later yeah yeah i'll think about how to like split the game we could do two teams of two with a with a

fifth person running the game it wouldn't be impossible to set up um but uh you know it'd be halloween too i'm looking forward to halloween uh this year like like i said not just the candy i kind of want to fuck with somebody, like scare some kids. There's such a fine line, though, right? I still think of myself as a kid. I'm aware I'm not a kid. I'm very much an adult, middle-aged man or so. And so

I can't jump out dressed as a ghoul and frighten an eight-year-old. You don't even have children. I made a video about this when I was 37. the inside though i feel like in here yeah dude like just so you know if i jump out and spook you like i thought you'd giggle about it i'm still the guy that egged those houses when i was 17 i would love to go out right now and egg my neighbor's house just for shits and giggles

and just if they caught me i'll hose it off tomorrow that ain't how it works no more though no that's a crime that's a crime i'll have to go to a courtroom and you'll have to stand there and like your sunday best yeah i'll have to go get my suit and go to a early get up early in the morning go for a judge you might fuck me you know you can't have that kind of fun so it's almost like halloween's not even for people like me anymore unfortunately because i want to scare kids that's what i want to do from being real i want to scare the shit out of them i want to open my garage door and have it so they got to walk in and around like

you know cardboard boxes that are made to be a little little little spiraling tunnel to where the candy pot is and i want to come out it's like a like uh it's like legends of the hidden temple it's like oh now you have to run through the lube shoot and i'm shay i want to be chasing screaming kids out of my garage but i don't think i recommend you don't do that i can't but i you know i want to it's just like a couple years ago when my neighbor had those two little uh girls they're like i don't do that i can't but i you know i want to it's just like a couple years ago when my neighbor had those two little uh girls they're like i don't know it's hard to tell with kids like eight nine years old but these cute little girls and they're like hey what do you do you live here is this your car like the one i'm driving like yeah they're children yeah they're just curious they just curious and they want to talk to me like do you have a dog we've got a dog his name is ray and they just want to talk and i'm just like hey

from your father's very large point of view it appears that i've stopped here in the cul-de-sac to talk to chat you girls up are you like arm on the wheel and like lean in like this shoulder out like you're uh like you're what's his name's like my car my car's window comes up real high so you know that's the thing i like about grade school then i keep getting older they were eight years old little ass girls and i'm just like i gotta go girls like i can't talk i'm not allowed to talk to you i don't think but the big advantage and be up to the line of scary, but not over it. See, I don't want to do that though.

Like, like I don't want to be like a lame costume where I'm like something goofy. Like, Oh look, it's Mickey. Why is his mouth bleeding? Oh God, why is his dick out?

I want a real Halloween costume. I want to be Jared. That's terrifying to kids. Jared from subway. I don't think kids know that. Think of him as a scary guy though you're right that would be more a way to scare the parents watching their kids go up to your door it's probably better frankly woody's i always go back to this but woody's clown friend is one of the scariest like real life people that i've ever seen a picture of like the fact that i think it's because if i were to see a clown on the internet i'd be like ah who knows probably a cosplayer or maybe

he does makeup effects for fun but i know for a fact that woody's guy is just a clown like like he's a clown he's into clowning it's just he's into clowning and that's true he is i think he lays harvard floors for a living It's not like he wears the clown thing constantly. It's his passion, though. It is. But what gets me and I don't think it's true anymore. But at the time, like that crazy facial hair that his clown character had was his. That was real facial hair.

It was like an inch long. He took seven months to grow out some weird lamb chop thing. All those piercings. They're not fake piercings. He got clown crazy piercings. We could be the insane clown posse. You want to be Violent J? We drink Faygo. I'll drink Faygo

and be Violent J. I don't care, sure. I think it would probably be dangerous for me to do that because they're literally recognized federally as a gang. So I probably shouldn't actually dress as a gang member. But not a real gang.

Like, come on. No, like a real gang. Like, they recognize them as a real gang. They're like the Juggalos. Like, yeah. Are there any clips of, like, Juggalos committing crimes and like doing crazy stuff? Well, as you can imagine, is very upset about them being designated

a gang. So they've been fighting it legally, but there's not much you can do once they've decided you're the gang. They fight, right? Aren't Juggalos not that they're skilled fighters, but they're known for being enthusiastic fighters, right? I don't know of any I don't think of them i think of them as fans of the band and people who drink fago and do whippets when i think of um

you know juggalos and juggalettes i think are you gonna do whippets on how the halloween episode if you dress up as violent jay i mean i have. I'll stick with the character. When I was Joker, I was chain smoking, so I feel like if I'm Violent J, I need to be dropping them whippets like it's hot. I need a whole pile of them around me, jingle jangle. I would love if every single Halloween, you just selected someone who

smokes so you can just rip sticks, whatever character you're doing. My old friend. This won't spiral into three or four more. It's like, Kyle, you got to have another three or four because it's part of the character. You can't. And that first puff off that cigarette when you were the Joker

had to have been divine. It hits good. You get a little rush thing. Your head gets a little spinny. Yeah, it's real good. Did like now if i oh yeah i could like the idea of throwing a pack away wouldn't have even occurred to me i don't know there's something very wasteful about that that i just wouldn't do i couldn't imagine doing that actually like throwing away half a pack of yeah i wouldn't do that yeah you have to be you know go plus they're fucking delicious and addictive i mean they're wonderful um and and i stand by cigarettes and tobacco not being all that

bad for you i mean not good it's not a health food or anything it'll it'll kill you but just don't do it every day for 20 years and you'll probably be all right yeah it's like the same level of bad as like chicken nuggets you You wouldn't eat those every day, but it's, you know, fine every so often. I, I,

I don't think that's too far off. I wasn't being sarcastic. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know you weren't. I just don't think it's that bad for you. Just tobacco,

uh, in general. Um, I, I think decades of, of habitual daily use probably going to give you something you don't want. But I think if you want to enjoy it occasionally, it's not a problem.

You just can't have an addictive personality. Some stuff. Vezic, I don't know. Strictor can't be good for your heart on. And it makes boobs sag. These are like key things. Yeah, but in what dosage? I never wonder.

I always go back to that sweetener that was poison. It was like killing the rats, and it made me stay away from sweet and low for like my whole life. And then I found that they were giving it the equivalent of like 20 pounds of sweet and low a day when I used two packets in my coffee. And it's like, fuck you guys, you ruined.

That's a good sweetener. Yeah, they ruined aspartame with their fucking lies about rat cancers cancer you know what i deal with in this house msg has been ruined my wife is convinced msg is like a terrible that's right for you poison yeah and i have bottles of it i show her studies and she has like counter studies and i how do you tell someone that their studies are not as good as my josh weissman or whatever has a video about it like the youtube chef guy who's like he's like let's talk about msg and he'll like break down a whole thing um i don't know i love it uh i put it in everything

monosodium glutamate something like that uh i remember learning about it back in the day and then like oh yeah they put that msg in it that's why it tastes so good and i was like i don't know what that is but you're telling me you got some secret ingredient that makes everything taste good why don't i have something oh it's bad for you really no so i just ordered like three pounds of it and i put it in every soup and chili and and everything now and i don't know it's not at every like grocery store msg it's not just on the shelf next to the salt or something yeah you can get like the brand i have is accent it's like just right there next to the other spices it's you can get like the brand i have is accent it's like just right there next to the other spices it's just a white powder like it's just a white powder and

like the marketing on it is like 60 less sodium than traditional salt yeah it's a different taste but it's really good it gives that umami flavor that you can also get it does like soy sauce and that's what it says on the bottle it says wakes up food flavor and it does it wakes it up you put that what about foods without flavor like a baked potato it'll wake that flavor up if you like roast vegetables in the oven and you want to arise that flavor throw some msg on it and it and you and it will it makes vegetables so much better oh i i watched a video today 30 minutes of this guy shitting all over the battle at pellinore fields and he completely convinced me he completely convinced me dude he compared it to the books and and and he went step by step and shit all over it and i

was totally convinced and i just like i know this is unbelievable let's pretend i don't know anything about the battle the end of return of the king when they have the big fight at minister like he said first of all the idea that the witch king is going to fly down and unhorse gandalf and just speak a word and smash his staff is absurd because gandalf is a gaia and uh and the witch king is just a man a corrupted man but a servant and a and a minion of a fellow gaia so he's a clearly a whole step below Gandalf, but he's performing like he's two steps or a step above him and not even just tied. And then they talked about how the reveal of the ghost army is in the books and how like all hope is lost.

Like it's over. They're dying. They're not going to win. And it's only and at the last moment like the orcs are like like see think it's their ships and everyone looks but it's it's it's the flag of um it's you know the tree with the seven stars or whatever they see the flag and how like in that moment um everyone's spirits are like rise and it's this big like we're not going to die they go from thinking they're dead to we're going to win like instantly in that moment

and you don't quite get it laid out that way in the in the uh in the movie i don't know i really liked uh i agreed 100 i've always thought that this guy is the weakest part by far uh because it trivializes everything that came before it if you you're laying that, he said, imagine you're this guy. And he shows a clip of that, um, that Gondorian soldier face down or stepping on his back as they flood into the city. This guy, you died five minutes ago.

Oh, what's that? Green army's here. None of that mattered. I just sweep in the castle. Clean. Didn't even matter. Is that,

but, but you know, they let it play out like the books a little bit longer and they don't let they didn't have his speech they put it where it's supposed to be the death death speech then his point was it plays better and I think I agree like I agree Taylor agree

I've always hated that green fucking army coming in it looks like shit too I mean it was a movie from 2002 so I changed my mind on it looking like shit but when I saw it a few months ago i thought it looked horrible but somehow when i saw it more recently i thought that's what they were trying to make it look like like it does look a lot like the month the ghosts that sit next to you at the haunted house in disney world and i was like oh i mistakenly thought they were trying to make the ghosts

look amazing that's where their bullseye is they're going for these sort of silly looking ghosts that don't move quite right yeah more more kind of ethereal specters just kind of i didn't like that liquidly and uh and i also liked his point about the uh the Nazgul and how they in the books, they're more heard and not seen. They're sort of I think they're described as always just out of shot and sight, meaning, you know, you can't shoot them. You can't even see them. They're just always just around the corner in the corner of your eye, almost in the clouds above shrieking. And how that was just this incredible psychological warfare and how when Gandalf was nearby, though it would remove that sort of magic and, and the men would be emboldened and,

and they do do a good job. There's the scene when Gandalf is rallying the men, like riding the horse through the streets. That's a great scene when he's like, like that's, that's awesome. So you like your big, scene when he's like right like that's that that's awesome so you like your big like you just wish that they waited longer until they introduced the the ghost army i wish all hope had been lost um

it had been the ghost army like they they showed like they'd lost they had already lost on the on pelenar field like they they had already lost and they were pushed back up to the seventh level of minas tirith you had the troll banging on the door i don't like that either he made the point that in the books when uh the men inside when um the men inside see that the ships have arrived they're emboldened and they don't stay inside hiding behind a door. They do what Théoden did in Helm's Deep. They ride out and meet the enemy in that moment when they all like, help us here. Let's fucking go.

We're not going to stay here and be rescued. They ride out. And his point was, that's a good moment. When they're not hiding in the city, they're like, fuck this. And they leave the city and ride out and circle the enemy and win that way with their ghost army again, which I still say is just deus ex machina.

You could write anything you wanted to, but he wrote a ghost army. And I hate that. That's true. I don't mind it. But I also don't think that the Gondorian soldiers that died died for nothing in the way the movie presents it. Because I thought it was well established. thing in the way the movie presents it because like i thought it was well established and like if they hadn't fought like they would have died and been fucked and they all would have been killed well before the ghost army showing up it's only because they fought so hard and like battled on

the pellinore fields that like they were able to hold on that long like they were going to lose they had no chance of winning it didn't seem like they were going to get in the city. They would have lost. They all got into the city easily. Grand smashed the gate down and they snuck in. Like Grand is the thing. Is Grand in the books? I don't recall. Yes.

I read the book in jail and I still I have very little memory of it. It's weird. Me too. I only remember the things I hated about the book because tolkien actually he's good he's an idea man but he's a terrible writer so the books drag on they're tedious to read it is brutal three pages of how dark it is before they beat the spider chick i remember tom bombadil and enjoying the singing and the cute then the cuteness of it. But thinking, it's probably best they cut this out. It's probably best.

We don't need this song. Also because Tom Bombadil was such a powerful character that if he just decided to tag along, it would have been a little OP. What did he do? Basically a magic man of legend. Tom Bombadil is, there are a lot of theories about what or who he is, whether he is God or he is the stand-in for the writer.

He's your overpowered character. If he held the ring, it would tickle. He'd have no interest in the ring. It'd be a silly little thing. He's like above it all. He's not tempted by power and has no interest in engaging in the conflicts they run into him right out of the shire before they even get to uh hobbiton or whatever the fuck like that or whatever that little town is brie strider brie like between brie and the the shire they encounter

tom bombadil and they're they're and they're being accosted by skeletons or zombie ghouls, spirit specter things that are taking their... It sounds exactly like from Harry Potter, the Dementors. Pretty sure she just stole that. Dementors attack them. And Tom Bombadil sews up,

and he starts singing the Tweedly-too and Tweedly-tay, here I come. Have a wonderful day. And the, and the dimensions are just like, and then bounce away. Almost kind of like that.

Like just like skipping into the battle. Not, not even a battle. He shoes away the demons. Like they're like, yeah, get on out of here now. Demon.

It's a, it's a, it's's bizarre if you've only if you watch the movies before you read the books like I did I forgot all about him and that's crazy like there was a doctor in Manhattan all along who could have just

solved it easily but he was above it all yeah you could like control animals and there's a bunch of really long YouTube videos about Tom Bombadil. There's that one YouTube channel that's called NerdCraft or something, but

they must have 10 different videos. What if Galadriel took the ring for herself? What would happen? What if Frodo took the ring? I should watch that. It'd be a great garden. I might actually watch that one. That sounds cool.

Yeah. Well, I enjoyed it thoroughly, gentlemen. Good times. Join our Patreon down below. We need 100 of you to answer your email so we can play our fun game. Happy Halloween soon-ish. PKA 668.