Painkiller Already - PKA 686 W/ Gavin Mcinnes: Woodys Free Use, Government Orders, FPS Russia Charged With Criminal Masculinity

Episode Date: February 10, 2024

pka 686 with our guest gavin mcginnis taylor this episode of pka is brought to you by pharaoh distro.com merrick health bluechew.com and lock and load gavin thanks for joining us with your real deal adult setup yeah thank you for having me yeah what is behind you are is that a bunch of tvs a grid a big blues crew it's four tv TVs. I don't know why your set sucks so bad. I don't understand if you were just on a Zoom call with your friends, but you do a very successful podcast that probably grosses a good amount of money. This is a $200, $200, $200, $200 TV, so 800 bucks on a 10. Get it together, boys.

You know what? Honestly, usually I don't take this well but you make a good point i do like your tv setup i i will i will copy your tv setup dude it sucks when you get when you get big timed and you're like fuck he's right he's right i'm not big timed at all this thing here is a flag that was flown over afghanistan shortly before it fell and this thing here is a gold play button. You tell me I don't have a dope background. No one knows that though.

They just see, I just told them anyone, everyone listening knows. Okay. But like, as far as the aesthetics go, you shouldn't have to attach a little side note to explain why it doesn't suck.

Hmm. Words hurt, Gavin. That's like having sex with your wife and it's only four seconds in and you're about to finish. And you're like, I've been under a lot of stress at work, and you made me wait like 10 days. So the next one is probably going to be way better. You're having to pre-sell your pre-jack.

All right. That's fair. I get it now. I get it. Keep giving me your 60% hard rope dick. The next one will be rope dick the next one will be better i'm sure it'll be harder the second time around yeah damn well okay we're gonna up our background level or at least i will i'm gonna show up next week unless i forget right after this and i'm gonna at least one television at least one tv harder i'd like to segue to our sponsor, Blue Chew, one of our first sponsors.

Great guys. They've been supporting the PKA podcast for months now. Blue Chew. If you don't need it, then you don't need it. And everyone can use it because your dick can always be harder, just like you could always be in a little bit better shape it's not just for erectile dysfunction you can use it as shampoo uh you can use it on a chalkboard you can use it for toenail fungus it's it's sort of like vagisil like if you have a rash on your inner arm use vagisil and it'll be cleaned up is that true

yeah i use vagisil for every rash. For every rash? I guess that makes sense. Like, pussy rashes wouldn't be so unique. Other groups get stuff that white, straight males don't have access to. For example, this is called Razak. My hair normally looks like Kramer's hair. It's this Jufro.

And I buy black woman's hair product in Harlem, and this Razak turns me into like Rock Hudson. Similarly, I thought you might have magic stuff in it. And if you put it on like a bad day or a fight with your friend, it goes away instantly. That's a good call. Us straight white guys need to start using finishing cream. I just discovered using lotion wasn't just for jacking off like two years ago i'm in my 30s like i was like oh i guess winter time that's just when your hands crack that's just part of life you get sounds like you're not jacking off enough if your hands are cracking my hands and penis are outstandingly

smooth now i'm incredibly moisturized and even when when I'm putting lotion on my hand, it's like, let's throw a little down there. You guys still jack off? Well, if you're going to put me on the spot, yes. Do you not jack off? It's an insult for a reason, right? Well, as long as you're not doing it all the

time, it's not too bad, right? Like, if you're like a caged monkey. It prevents cancer. You can only ejaculate within a yard of your significant other with her consent. So you can jack off if she's like pregnant or menstruating or dying. Yeah. But that has to be within a yard. And she has to be like, let go nuts. If you don't have to be hard to come if she's dying.

What the fuck is wrong with your relationship? You should be able to poker anytime you want to. You should. Yeah, that's Woody's relationship, and it's still going. Rape aside, I think I'm going to have a hard time. It's not rape. I have standing consent. It's a perfectly good way to wake up. Woody is in a free use situation.

You can withdraw consent at any time. The government told me so. So you can poke your lady anytime you want? Actually, no jokes. Yeah. Do you have kids, too? And how old is she? Roughly, the ones moved out and the others 20. No, no, not the kids.

The wife, the wife. She's 51 now. Huh? Anytime, like 2 p.m. On a Monday, you could drive back. I could go down. Might be the red zone it might be woody grew up in one of those way too sex positive households but it's developed

in to a very sexually healthy adult who fucks his wife all the time like i could have my wife i wanted but that's like my friends will help me move. But if I moved like every day, like, I guess I'll help you with this couch again. If I don't bone her all day long, she's like, are you mad at me? What happened? Like, why didn't you even make a move? Is she a burn victim? No.

Mostly friction, but. I'm having trouble picturing this scenario really they go on they go on little sexcations we're going this weekend yeah they go to like they go to like ann arbor and fucking a super eight like they go to the least impressive places and have sex for like two days in a row we're going to charleston south carolina we're gonna go to the least impressive places and have sex for like two days in a row we're going to charleston south carolina we're gonna go to an aquarium and we're gonna like hold hands and walk to like the most ridiculous things there's a museum for dental health for some reason in charleston south carolina there's an old mayor's home that we're gonna check out and i don't know look at the fucking 200 year old furniture or something and something, and we're going to bone a lot.

In the mayor's house? Or are you going to go back to a room somewhere? You know, the privacy situation works out. Jesus Christ. Yeah. What's your boning like? Is it elaborate? Like, is there anal stuff involved? Or is it pretty missionary?

Anal is a rare treat. But mostly, I just like the frequency of it. It can be, like, almost every night we watch TV together and just, you know, it's bottomless TV watching is what we call it. So that leads one thing leads to another. And then it can just be like her making me breakfast. And you know,

while she's cooking, I lift the fucking little nighty things she's wearing and get some, you don't wear underwear on your couch. It's in bed. It's in bed. Oh, it's in bed. Okay. You don't wear underwear on your couch? It's on my couch. It's in bed. Oh, it's in bed. Okay. They're watching Survivor. Things are getting steamy. I have the what of a homosexual man?

I have the what of a homosexual man? The lifestyle. I'm okay with that. It sounds like they've got something figured out. Gavin's saying you need to have the lifestyle of a black woman and use her hair products her her lotions all of those things i could learn a lot from this yes you could yeah i think i think it's admirable you go on your your sexcations it is very i mean i'm jealous is really the reason i'm trying to poke holes in this is i'm trying to get less jealous

like i'm i'm hoping she is a circus freak with like a stub arm was burnt off in a fire and it looks like she was scalped sideways and then she has cankles that look like those elephant trunk umbrella holders yeah like boogie's feet she looks good she's height weight appropriate we've been married for I don't even know, 27 years together for 31? Something like that. It's been a real long time. I met her when I was 19. I'm 50.

It's a scary place. I've heard young marriages are good because you grow together and you come up with movie night together. Whereas two 50-year-olds meet and it's like, fuck you, bitch. I'm going golfing. Can I on this show yeah yeah you can say whatever the fuck you want my heavens yeah my stars and garters he used a bad word meanwhile i just came out like yeah anal something hetero yeah i came out hetero we've always known what he's a little gay but it's okay

he's like uh what's that gay scale you probably have like a d minus on that gay scale it's a gay scale yeah there is i want to see what there was some basically it was a scale made by a guy who was really gay and he's like it's not just me it's everyone we're all gay and it's oh yeah that old lindsey graham yeah now lindsey graham is not gay i wonder how gay i could be i've never done anything with a guy. Well, then that answers itself pretty quick, doesn't it? You're a blue belt in jiu-jitsu. That whole notion of gays are on a spectrum and there's like bi,

that is them trying to look normal. And it's the kind of thing you fall for when you're 17. You're like, oh, I guess there's like super gay and then bi. There's gay and straight. And every gay you've ever met, you hear about their sex life and you're 17 you're like oh i guess there's like super good and then bond and if there's gay and straight and every gay you've ever met you hear about their sex life and you're like oh my lord you had an eightsome like they're all total degenerates there's no normal gays that are like well i sometimes have girlfriends sometimes i have boy no no no no no they're all like in a hot tub and there ends up being more human fluid than actual water like they're and that's dangerous mind-blowing gavin's dripping with so much envy there's a

wet spot right next to him you know you wish you had an eight some come on that sounds cool are a pain in the ass threesomes areomes are basically you're recording a video for your future spank bank. But when you're actually in the throes of a threesome, you're basically like a party planner with a clipboard. Like, okay, is everyone okay over here? You guys need a drink? How are you doing over here? It's not natural. It's cumbersome.

Yeah. Someone's going to get their feelings hurt. Yeah. You kissed her. You spent way too long eating her pussy. What about mine? I've never had it recently. But Kyle, have you?

Yeah. Does Gavin's description line up with your experience? As the man, your kind of job is kind of the guy with the clipboard, making sure everything is going smoothly. Because usually there's one girl who's 100%. Oh, you do it with two girls. Yeah, yeah. There's your mistake. You need to be one of the guys.

Dude, it's just me and two of my bros. Just come and get it done. We always agree on when. But if it was two guys and a girl, then she would be the one with the clipboard making sure everyone's happy. No. Yeah. Done that.

I've spit roasted chicks. And that is just like, that's okay. But a lot of people say, don't you feel that's kind of gay that you fucked a chick with another dude and i'm like no i go if we even if we touch the background i go imagine two mobsters are digging a hole for a body and as they're digging their shovels clink like you wouldn't even notice like you've got bigger things on your mind exactly a major felony here so like the clink hey don't be clinking my shovel all jokes aside gavin's scoring better on the gay scale than i am assuming better's gay or i'm not really sure that's just because he's got the guys from uh

the birdcage behind him there and because he's touched dicks with somebody that's really this i mean this is subconsciously determining the fate of the conversation switch it to something more cop-like so we can get i wanted to know so you're you're you're no jacking off ever. You're staunchly and no fap. Well, that's the proud boy's way. And we got there as a dare and then realized, wow, this is fun. And it makes you sing in the shower and stuff. It improves your marriage. And it gets single men off the couch and out meeting chicks.

But, you know, you have falls from grace. And you just get back on the horse. Hypothetically, how many falls per grace per and you just get back on the horse hypothetically how many falls per grace per week are we allowed 36 these are boundaries down to five times a day you know teenagers have a problem with this but although 36 is well within my even if i did believe all that though like i always hear those health studies that say ejaculating like 30 times a month for prevents prostate cancer like a significant amount i've heard that too i understand that but i don't know i i think like the thing about not beating off is you you want to you want

to ejaculate like once every two days so you start like finding ways to like if i was beating off to porn i don't think i would say to my wife, like, all right, it's been like six days. We got to fucking really get something. Yeah. I might, I hear about married couples that will go months and months, like up to a year. Yeah. And that's cause he's using porn. And porn ruins thousands. It's hard to determine like, cause it's how do you measure this but i've read studies that say like thousands of marriages a year i think it's it's immeasurable i think it's

hundreds of thousands of marriages a year i mean we're at a 50 divorce rate right now being able to get the water from a different tap is a big part of that and you got to remember too just like call of duty makes your brain think that you're like saving your friends and releases fake endorphins when you when you beat off to a bunch of tens your brain is like holy shit this guy's a till of the hun like he's getting laid four times a day uh keep going dude yes what you're doing is good so that makes sense i always imagined like like because especially as a kid you're jerking off two or three times a day when you're when you're 16 or something like that. I think I literally had that thought once. My balls think I am the chattest Chad ever.

They think that there's a different girl every three hours coming at me, just bending over in the jungle. Those balls have a high opinion of me, but nobody else. Nobody else. no one else it seems it seems like jacking off then isn't the core issue it's porn oh i'm such a loser why do my balls think i'm a catch are you saying i've tricked my biology into becoming a loser who's okay with it is that what you're saying Well, porn and masturbation have become pretty inseparable. But I guess sitting on a chair and using your imagination, it's definitely not as bad. It sounds terrible.

I don't know. I'd rather read a story, though. I'd rather read a dirty story. You're going to have like an old woman on the podcast. Oh, my God. You never read a little erotica, Woody? A little dirty story? You jerk off like a girl kyle oh i mean i i do do this like this

no i jerk off like a man in the bathtub with the water flowing right on my penis it trickles down it's wonderful he lights candles that feels gay that's why i straddle the jet in the hot tub yeah i don't think porn is well it, it's immoral in the sense that these people are meth heads and they've been molested by their family. And that's something you don't want to support. But I like that too. If a couple watches porn and it enhances their sex life, I think that's good. Okay, so there's exceptions. You just don't want people distanced from reality using it as basically

a video game i think sex should enhance your relationship with your significant other and with the proud boys like the gay guys would say so uh you don't think we should watch porn and i'm like uh no one really cares about you and your sex life you're already completely out of control there's no reigning you in don't beat off so marriages would get better and like incels would go try to talk to chicks you guys are drenched in jizz like i don't know what to say to you go nuts are there are gays allowed in the proud boys oh yeah okay i guess i don't know that much about them i i thought no you thought it was associated with the much about them. I thought you left them because I was reading about it. You left the Proud Boys because someone was getting sued and you thought it would help them if you were no longer associated with it.

Is that accurate? Almost. So there was a fight with Antifa where these two guys, Max Herr and John Kinsman, were facing four years in prison. And one of the charges was gang charges. And the definition, legal definition of a gang is two things. There's top down management. So the boss says, all right, from now on, we're going to be selling coke to teenagers. And then there's that illegal. They're doing something illegal.

So Proud Boys aren't doing anything illegal. But I took out the there's a leader so they wouldn't have gang charges. And so my podcast wouldn't totally dominate their trial. But change to Proud Boys. Now I'm getting sick of the homos.

No, you're not. And I don't know if it worked. I mean, they got four years. Oh, shit. shit yeah it didn't work did they hurt those people like why'd they get for you that seems like a lot for a fight they got four years because it was right before the midterms and the dnc needed bad boys on the right to counter all this antifa violence so they said we finally got something that evening the police said all right go on your way we don't care it's uneventful and the antifa told the police to f off when they said

or i guess i could say fuck off when the police said you want to press charges and antifa said fuck you pig i just got punched in the face like 70 times and they went all right well that's mutual combat we're done but the next day bill de blas, the DA, everyone was like, this is our thing. And you could tell there was top-down orders from above, ironically, talking about gangs. And they said, here's what you have to say. Because every tweet all these people put out said, hate has no place in New York City. Bill de Blasio said that. Cuomo said that.

DA said that. They all said that same verbiage because they get a little bulletin. You do see that in media. I see it all the time. I'm really sensitive to it when I hear when there's a phrase that's turned. Then I hear that phrase again. I recognize

it. Then it's like, did we all get our marching orders last night on exactly how to couch this issue, what our stance was, where we stood, and where it's like did we all get our orders like our marching orders last night on exactly how to couch this issue what our stance was where we stood and where it was in the sky like trust the science yeah collusion is a weird word right like how many times have you heard collusion before russian collusion i think i learned the word during russian collusion yeah yeah so did trump i love when he says it like a word he hasn't heard before collusion. Yeah. So did Trump. When he says it, like a word he hasn't heard before. Collusion. He really lets it

roll off his tongue like he's trying it out for the third time. Let's indict the motherfucker. Did you hear him say that? I have not heard Trump. I'm not up on Trump right now. Let's indict the motherfucker. Let's indict the motherfucker. Sometimes's indict. Let's indict the motherfucker. Sometimes when he's freestyling, he's just so funny because you can tell, at least from doing the show for so many years, you can kind of tell when someone starts a thought and you're like, oh, they don't know where this is going next.

Let's see. They're going to discover where this is going with me. And so Trump will go on lines like that and, you know, hit different points. He's the greatest famous comedian of all time. His recent bit about Joe Biden. Joe Biden will be looking at a binder and he'll be answering questions about immigration and then he'll change his mind.

And you can see, you can see the scroll bar of time and you're like, he only has one second left. How is he going to wrap this up? And then he goes, and he bumps into a wall. And you're like, perfect punchline. Yeah, he talks about Biden. See if you can pull up that clip, on this show he does this great bit about Biden being incompetent and the way he

punchlines it with and then he bumps into a wall it was like like I spit take laugh every time he opens his mouth that's why I don't understand why comedians hate him so much you don't want the funniest guy on earth in the White House yeah it is it's better

for this show and for most shows when he's in because it just opens the door to lots of trump impressions and he's a funny dude and he puts himself in situations that are easy to riff on so i would like him to get when he killed bag daddy or whatever that that and um and he's like we sent the dogs in after the beautiful dogs. He was crying. He was whimpering. That was surreal. Most people, you'd think, oh, you go through the front door. No, not me.

I like dogs. And you were clearly seeing a president speak, like, improv-ing about, I was just in the back room, and we got to watch a raid live on cameras, and it was really cool. what he wants to say i just saw our guys murder it was crazy there were dogs and explosions he's describing die hard for the first time to someone he's talking about like it's like he went to the midnight call of duty release in 2009 and he's telling friends the next day that couldn't get it yet about it i'm not not going to believe it. The number of perks. My God, my God. Kimmel juxtaposed Obama talking about killing Osama bin Laden and Donald Trump talking about Al-Baghdadi, whatever his name is. And everyone was laughing at the juxtaposition because Osama bin Laden.

I mean, Barack Obama was like last night. We took care of Osama bin Laden in the middle of the night. And then they have Trump going, he went to the side. You think you go to the door at how unprofessional Trump is. Meanwhile, with this national divorce, we're so separate that we're laughing also at how awesome he is and what a boring turd Barack Obama is. So now we enjoy the same media but for opposite reasons i agree with what you're saying a bit of this it's kind of a rorschach dress you know you can take kimmel's thing and show it to different people and i'm on the opposite side as you

so i see trump and i'm like oh he comes off as an amateur in my eyes that's how he resonates to me but to someone who likes trump he comes off as hilarious and a my eyes that's how he resonates to me but to someone who likes trump he comes off as hilarious and a guy who just did a big thing i know he's such an amateur like what has he ever done beside you know conquered new york real estate in the in the bronx when it was a shithole and make billions of dollars and then conquer television and be at the forefront of american culture for uh about three decades as opposed to barack obama who you know he was on all those academic bullshit things and then he was a fake professor and then he was a a fundraiser and then he's a nerd president do you want a nerd president

what yeah so obama is a nerd obama's a loser piece of shit who ruined america i don't agree with that it's the second coming of christ you think you think trump is the second coming of christ these are objective facts i'm not i'll save my opinion for later no if christ came back he would be fit that's the biggest argument against it for trump if jesus came back he's not going to be overweight there's no chance can we just can we i'm not a big christian but didn't jesus fuck whores am i crazy no mary of matlin she wasn't like what was that no no he he washed i'm pretty sure this is accurate. No, you're incorrect. Don't go head to head with Bible knowledge. He washed the feet of prostitutes

and whores to show that even the lowest was worthy of that. I think Trump would do that. No, Trump would not wash someone's feet. He's 80. He can't bend over. None of these people can bend over. I picture her putting her feet up. Gavin, you don't think that if Christ

came back, he'd be fit like striated defined delts like are we calling trump unfit an 80 year old man with a pot belly dude you know what outfit you're gonna be when you're 80 i won't make it you'll be a skeleton i won't be there's no better than trump technically but not in a good way. If Jesus came back right now and he saw Trump, he'd go, oh shit, I'm already back? And then he'd be waving a Trump flag.

Jesus would take his blonde hair out of his eyes. Can I sidetrack the whole show? I was talking about earlier, just so you can see it. We don't have to watch the whole thing, but you've got to see this punch line all right all right this is a terrible thing to do in a podcast you hijack it no you're good flips on the shout out ryan what's up all right i had it before and then i threw it away we threw it away i threw it in the garbage don't throw things away now i've ruined the whole podcast

all right we're gonna have to start over yeah we've got two cards let me tell everyone about my sex life three times okay they ask him a question bill from nbc They ask him a question. The border is very strong. It's very normal. And things are going very well on the border. Thank you very much for the news. Thank you. And then he walks into a wall. he's just having a fun time up there riffing and i like that you can hear the like seinfeld laugh track in the back from the people who are like obsessed with him and because at this point like you you got to be pretty obsessed with trump to go watch him talk somewhere i feel come on you're not going it's not the funniest thing you've ever seen. No, he has funnier clips. I think Trump is a funny guy. Every time I see somebody do Trump's material, they do it better than

Trump. When Shane Gillis talks about what Trump said with the dogs and everything, the beautiful dogs, his impression of Trump's speech is way better than Trump's speech. When David Chappelle goes on SNL and says, you know, Trump got up there and said, I don't pay taxes because I'm smart. That was powerful. When Trump says, you know, Trump got up there and said, I don't pay taxes because I'm smart.

That was powerful. When Trump said, you won't remove my tax loopholes because people like me are your donors. That was powerful. But then I watched Trump say it and it wasn't nearly as effective as when Chappelle said it, nor was it as effective when Shane Gillis said it. No, that's because you worship black people and every time they say something, you start ejaculating. Only black men. And gays. And black women.

And fats. Only thin black people. America worships black people to the point of royalty. Like Jay-Z gets up the Grammys. Him and his wife are worth $3 billion. They have the most expensive house in the history of los angeles and he's giving the dr dre award and of lifetime achievements or whatever and he's like hey how come i never got my wife never got an award for

best album and then he just leaves and you're like yeah so important booze and his grammy and drinking it out of it like i guess trying to be disrespectful but it's just dude we were talking about gay following the grammys is gay dude like that's yeah i have no idea what's going on follows the grammys any clink shovels he's not looking good here i uh dude i have and uh when you have a female living in your home she has on dumb shit like real housewives and if you ever want to get laid you have to sit living in your home, she has on dumb shit like Real Housewives. And if you ever want to get laid, you have to sit next to her and watch and go, can you believe that, bitch? What is she doing? I know.

I'm as mad as you are over this. My wife, like every woman in America, has gotten into this true crime bullshit. I routinely walk through my living room, and she's getting lessons on how to kill your husband. Or she pauses the TV when I walk in the room because usually I talk to her. And so she pauses and it's like how to murder your husband. She's like, don't read into this. I was just watching TV. There's very few shows that you can watch with your wife that are not one-sided.

If I watch Real Housewives, I'm obviously not enjoying myself. Although you do get Stockholm Syndrome and start being like, whatever happened to Janet? But there are a few shows where you're both enjoying it. I always tell married men to check out these shows.

There's The Thing About Pam, a true story starring it and i always tell married men to check out these shows like there's the thing about pam a true story starring uh renee zellweger about a murderous best friend uh 1833 is really good or is it 1836 the like precursor to yellowstone yeah that's a great couples thing i tried the curse and it's just way too weird and dark for a chick. It's basically an anti-Semitic horror series. The way they put Jews in. So that's for boys. That's great!

What's anti-Semitic about it? I want to drain your money! Take a count! Jews are like satanic, demonic gentrifiers in this show. And they have the tiniest penises you could ever imagine. And yeah, Nathan Fielder's character and the director who's doing his show in a show

are just like the worst human beings that the world has ever invented. Nate Fielder, he's Jewish. Why is he going in on Jews in his show? He wrote a character for himself that is the most unlikable person you've ever seen on a show. Do you get to see these tiny penises? Yes. I thought maybe you were just making assumptions.

There's a lot more cock in cable now. I was reading an article about that recently, about how much more male nudity there is on cable, because I know I didn't see a male penis on television. You read an article about it i thought yeah i'm right all the time um but there's there's a lot more cock on cable than there used to be like i don't there was never until maybe like game of thrones you'd see a little dick every now and then it's like whoa it's a cock and they're always soft i don't think we've broached the the hard dick barrier in media yet there's some hard dick on netflix

but there's but um i've i wish i could remember the exact verbiage that the mpaa had about a hard penis and how like no one not offensive but scary what was what like a hard penis is no it's too threatening aggressive too aggressive threatening that's it yeah penises are a tool they're like a leather man like no one actually wants to look at at a leather man, but they get the job done. Tits, vaginas, even vaginas are neatly tucked away. And then there's some pubes to sort of, you know, put a curtain on. But a penis and balls like those look like last minute ideas when God was. Yeah.

And then someone goes, well, what's going to go in the vagina to make the babies and he's like uh oh shit and then he just went as this really inconvenient body part that's uncomfortable all the time yeah the man was already just about done and then god like threw a dick on at the 11th hour yeah and then how would you redesign the penis? How could it be improved? Fully retractable. It would be erect at all times and it would have no balls. The balls would be in the butt cheeks.

Yes. Actually, that's a really good point. In the butt cheeks. I want them somewhere up, like in the belly somewhere, protected. In the center of the butt cheek. If you punched the guy in the ass as hard as you could he'd puke he'd be like oh i feel like i want a ball on my ass now and then that's my concern i think i want my penis to be more like have a bone in the middle like almost like a narwhal's horn you know a lot of

animals have dicks like that yeah i want to i think that would be better like i want my penis to be able to contribute to the lubrication situation. Can you imagine the burden of responsibility if God came down and said, I want you to redesign dick and balls? You'd be like. I get out the folders and files. He'd be blown away when he saw the work I've done. All these eraser boards and came to Kyle for a reason.

I pulled some curtains aside to a big chalkboard that's been erased and rewritten a million times. Kyle's a janitor working at MIT. He walks by a diagram of a penis and he just completely remaps it. I feel like Donald Glover in that Mars movie where they got to spin the spaceship

around the Earth and he's up all night and he's crumpling up things and he's got a massive chalkboard of different dicks. I think that's, I think we can figure out better dicks right now. Balls on the inside, whether it's in the stomach or the ass is fine. It's better than butt cheek, but like as deep down as you can go, because we have one ball, one big ball. Ooh, I like that. What do we need two for?

That's true. One big ball. One makes the boys boys one makes the girls the fuck you guys don't know anything that's ridiculous the penis should have a bone in it Kyle you're on the right move there then you can fuck even if

you're wasted or something no more whiskey day and then you could go to China and get that bone lengthening surgery you could you get your penis broken and put in traction for six months until it regrows. Yeah, good point. You're running with your friend. You're doing a potato race.

You fall face first and you hear a... And you realize, holy shit, I just broke my dick. No, that's why it's fully... The entire penis bone goes up in your body. And then when it's needed, the whole thing comes back out. Yeah. Like a stinger. Like a wasp stinger.

You know, we're really good at this. I want venom if I choose. Everyone gets venom. Don't worry about it. Alright. I want my dick to make a paralytic venom. Look, the fact yes, I want my penis to excrete a paralyzing venom. No, it has

nothing to do with rape. Okay? And for you to make that leap yourself clearly shows that you have problems agreed it's like acidic jizz like that llamas spit out and they it's more like the way a mosquito like puts that that that excretes that liquid to to numb up your skin so that it can get in there you're none the wiser and he's already penetrated you gotten his fill and flown away and then all of a sudden you notice red bumps that's me he's already penetrated you gotten his fill and flown away and then all of a sudden you notice red bumps that's me i'm the you just you just want your girlfriend to be laying there and then just suddenly she's like oh he's fucking me it was

so sly i didn't feel it because he and i i fly away because his penis injected the anticoagulant into my vagina me sex with you is so bad that you fantasize about a penis that can excrete numbing cream. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And hopefully a bit of memory loss will be induced. They're calling him the most sinister rapist ever encountered. He was Dr. Cosby. I consulted. I woke up scared, scared afraid sore and confused

can you scare to raid i had to process that yeah i wouldn't i would not like that but i would like all the other penis ideas one ball fully retracted boned up all the time time, but only extended out when you want it. So that way you can play sports and you don't need to wear a cup. Okay, here's a question. Should every penis be the exact same length to remove all insecurities and problems, or should they be different lengths? Variety is the spice of life. You're hoping you land on the right side of the equation. Variety is the spice of life. I think we all roll the dice, we get what we get,

and then we learn to work with it. I think that's how life should be. It's a meritocracy. I always appreciate that anywhere and the changing room and there's not that much variety. Like my, my brother proposed to this woman he'd lived with for five years and she was only 25 and she was like, ah, I'm not ready. And I was like, you know,

that means I want to see more dicks. Yeah. Can I make a counterpoint to your argument? I don't understand if the variety was like, boop, boop, boop, boop,

boop, but they're all kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, see, i don't understand if the variety was like boop boop boop boop but they're all kind of like see you're only your sample size is men who are comfortable with getting naked in a gym there's a whole other group of guys who are like i'll go home and shower so you're not seeing that scary tiny thing that's like an acorn in a forest that's true smart point because i was going to say well i've seen my friend's dicks but then the friend that has the worst dick on earth that's like an acorn in a forest that's true smart because i was gonna say well i've seen my friend's dicks but then the friend that has the worst dick on earth he's like i'm just gonna change in the bathroom everyone else is changing like in front of you but then he's

giving it away he's giving it away that he has a bad penis well they pretend that they have other hang-ups like i don't like people even seeing my toes or something that's just gay it's like no i'll have you know it's because my ass is disgusting you know the most homophobic people in the world are and i don't mean people who hate gays or middle eastern africans people who who are scared of gays scared homophobic the true meaning of the word it's black men i was i've been watching my police activity videos every time a black man has to get patted down, he does not like it. Get your hands out of my ass! Get your hands out of my ass!

And the cop's like, you have a pistol in there. That's what's gay. And his mom runs up, what are you doing to my baby? The cop has his rubber glove and a pistol. He's like, this was in his ass crack, ma'am. His ass crack.

And she's just like, well, all right. He didn't have any other pockets. i they're right to be homophobic because there's gays everywhere like we don't almost but like if if you're ghetto black like they're in jail they're sucking dicks right next to you they're fucking your friend like their homosexuality in that certain part of that demographic is like booze with the irish like it's always looming over there and you gotta be like you can always fall back to it you can fall the bottle could tear he's falling back to the drink you hear about mccallaghan he's sucking dick again

20 years what am i supposed to do and you're like uh beat off uh don sucking dick again. 20 years? What am I supposed to do? And you're like, beat off? Don't get laid for 20 years. I saw Mr. McDougal bent over in the alley. Yeah. I don't know. If you were in jail for 20 years, I guess you probably don't want to turn gay because then you're going to come out and be like, oh, no. Well, hang on, Taylor. You're in for you're really in for 20 years.

And you in the prettiest boy in the whole prison is giving you the wink because he used to listen to your Call of Duty commentaries 15 years ago. And he's just like, man, I'd love to hook up with you, Taylor. And he gives you that wink. You're not going to take your wing. Look after him. I don't. Well well how cute is he remember in oz when when they dressed him up the prettiest boy exactly yeah i don't think so because even even in oz they tried to pretty up some of those inmates and they were all very clearly men yeah it didn't take powerful shoulders defined big hands long forearms they weren't fooling me on oz not for a second maybe one of them once

do you think he would be the the that chad who seduces the ugly female prison guard and gets her to like sneak him into the trunk of her taaurus one afternoon. Dude, that is a believable part of Oz is that that disgusting ogre woman who would be getting no dick thrown at her in the outside was getting all sorts of action on the inside. And that shows that even the prison gay guys, when real pussies, they are like,

let's get real. Like I'll have this horrible vagina from Dan Amour. That ugly bitch was fucking the two guys. Yeah yeah both reaming her out until they yeah crawl out of the and she was the woods she was upsetting to look at she was so fucking ugly but you can you can you can imagine how that whole thing thing went down i wonder if the guys started with that angle like the dude was like trust me i'm the king of cock i'm gonna i'm gonna give this bitch the look we're gonna be out of here in three months dude trust me let me

watch this i and he's like hey and and is that how it went down or was there just some weird connection that happened and then he started using that to sort of like move the other way because if he started off trying to wait is this a super ugly person well you're showing oh showing her and then patricia arquette or rosanna arquette who played her but that's the actual woman yeah that's the that's the real woman there yeah i'm sorry yeah i was like that woman's not that ugly but no this woman she's hard to look at i i if i'm her i work at a prison too yeah what happened was they figured out how to escape through the pipes uh first well first they figured out how to escape through the pipes first. Well, first they figured out how to remove the toilet and get behind there.

But then they had the pipes and then they're like, OK, the pipes are great and everything, but we have to go somewhere when we get out. Yeah. And that's when they seduced her. I'm just kind of guessing right now, by the way. Yeah. OK, now we have and then we convince her she's going to kill her husband and pick us up. And then they got out and she was like, yeah, I changed my mind. So now they're just running through the woods for months. I think it was two months. It's a long time to be running. I'm always impressed when they're able to like really just kind of disappear that maybe Edward Robert Rudolph guy, the Olympic centennial bomber who hit up in the mountains of North Carolina forever. They caught him in a dumpster like two, three years later.

He had disappeared off the face of the earth and they dug him up. But I remember there was a murder that went like he had killed his girlfriend and then dumped his car in our town. They found the car and they're like, well,'t be far and my dad joined a posse nice they they all fanned out in the woods with rifles and shotguns and started beating the bushes and walking toward the highway because he has to be out here and later on dad was like that was pretty fun did they ever find the guy uh the cops eventually found him my dad was not part of the apprehension what state is this uh georgia um there was a guy who killed someone in south carolina and he fled like down 85 south and stopped in a little town in northeast georgia well the weird thing about the danimore guys is like

what do you think is going to happen like i heard they were at heading for the canadian border okay you get into canada now what do you work at a gas station like do you get plastic surgery but what's what's your long-term plan here gentlemen i don't think they're good at long-term planning they were in prison yeah well what so one of them just drank himself to death and like got lost and died but the other one he he sort of committed suicide in by cop because he shot at an RV. And obviously, that's going to get 911 called. And that's when, what are they called? Border Tech?

Bore Tech? Bore Tech showed up, which is like the A-team of America. And they tracked him down and smoked him out. I've never heard of Bore Tech. Is that a government organization? Yeah. Well, it comes from the word border. But Bore Tech, they work on the border.

But if we got invaded by aliens, Bortech would show up. It's these awesome Navy SEAL superheroes with long beards and fucking night vision goggles. And every time there's a real... Like, say the president was kidnapped. You just see these Chinook helicopters land, and then the bearded bortech guys would come out and just like kill everyone involved struggle so hard with stack ranking our

various governmental superheroes bortech is a new one delta force has been around forever delta force is not the top good movie bortech uses Delta Force to floss with. Okay. SEAL Team 6? SEAL Team 6 do laundry service for Bortech. They drop off their dirty laundry with SEAL Team 6, and then they make sure it's all present. Why didn't Bortech go after Osama bin Laden? Because... They're too precious.

They're too easy. They're too precious. He's too easy, right? He wasn't an easy target. He wasn't a high enough priority target, probably. They were off-planet dealing with some shit you don't even know about. They took SEAL Team 6-2 Osama bin Laden and said, shoot him, faggot, go.

They were fighting the Osama bin Laden of Mars, Woody. Can you even imagine? Dude, Bortech is so tough. They were above your pay grade of knowledge, Woody. You didn't even know they existed. I didn't know they existed. That ginger who shot Bin Laden, he was like this. That ginger who shot Bin Laden.

And then Bortech had to come in and hold his shaking arms and let him get the shot. Bortech is a welding company in Illinois. That's a front. Yeah, hard fellas. All right. Mig, pig, gas, stick, whatever. Don't fuck with them.

Aluminum, nickel, mild steel. I was thinking Bortech this entire time. I was wrong. Bortech? Bortech. Border tactical, I guess. So they're in charge of the border? I think they've been called of the border. Uh,

I think they've been called off the border for now. Yeah. No one's at the border. Clearly. I literally just watched the thing. Um, I don't know if you're familiar with the guy from all gas, no breaks,

formerly Andrew Callahan. He does channel. Yeah. He got canceled for some bullshit. Me too. Stuff. He said, fuck that.

And he came back and it seems like he spent the interim while he was somewhat canceled, going to journalism school or something. His new content is excellent. It's doing very well. He bounced around the country to a few hellholes, Philly and San Fran, but he's been doing the border crisis

for a couple of episodes. In the last episode, prior to today, he went into Mexico, found some young coyotes, and then arranged to be smuggled across the Rio Grande. In today's video, or actually yesterday, I believe, he got arrested by Border Patrol found some young coyotes, and then arranged to be smuggled across the Rio Grande. In today's video, or actually yesterday, I believe, he got arrested by Border Patrol swimming the Rio Grande. He was in a detention center for a couple of weeks.

His coyotes immediately jumped back in and swam home. Oh, that's not what you're paying for. Yeah, they got away. Yeah, there's been a few journalists who are doing the whole trip all the way from like venezuela all uh and documenting the whole thing you know you got to send it up to the cloud fast because when the coyotes catch you they'll kick your ass but if you recall james o'keefe dressed up as osama bin laden and crossed the rio grande from mexico no he didn't really yeah that's a that's pretty funny did he make it that's a good bit he made it he made it justice he had a i think he had a mask on he had like a turban and the whole deal

do you think the border control was like we got an american citizen pretending to be wandering around oh my god he's wearing a rubber mask can you imagine you're a rancher you're like you're out there looking for coyotes. You're like, holy fucking shit. My lucky day. Never forget. I'm about to never pay for drinks in this town again. When that happened, Border Patrol was like, can we go and actually do our job?

And the top brass was like, cool your jets, buddy. Cool your jets. God, you're real eager to get out there more and they they're just like border patrol are awesome guys they're not the incompetent ones here it's their bosses who won't let them do their fucking job that's like every branch of military like my friends in the marines like they're like oh all the grunts all of us the ones who were kicking down doors and like we're all high trained like excellent at our jobs it's the fucking majors or whoever that are just assigning us and suck well with benghazi they were they have bases in in italy like they were very close they could

have got down there but you had charlene lamb and hillary clinton and all these cunt bureaucrats just going uh i don't hold on just on, just stay put, just stay put. Or even cops. If you know cops, they might be able to get you out of one drunk driving charge if you didn't fuck anyone up. But they don't have any power, and they don't even have the power to do their own jobs. Like, they can't tune up some perp who deserves it because he just hit a kid. Every organization I've ever worked with, it feels like that, though. Like, oh, our computer programmers are fantastic.

It's management that's an idiot. And I can't name an organization that doesn't do that. Doesn't it feel like the top brass is getting more terrible at their job and hamstringing the guys on the ground more than ever? Well, the NYPD is a perfect example.

I mean, they just had migrants kick the shit out of three cops and they're free to go. Really? And then it got too much media attention. So Alvin Bragg, our DA over here, goes, okay, wait, maybe do arrest them. So they get them in Phoenix and they've already murdered a chick. And these are the guys who left the courts going like this.

Wait, so the same people who beat up a cop killed a woman in Phoenix? Yes. I'm not exactly sure if they killed this chick before or after the cop beating. We're yet to determine that. But they're murderers. They're all part of these South American theft gangs, SATGs, thatiden let over our poorest border and they're not just like like chinese are worthy adversaries they're good illegal immigrants they hide and you can't find them the worthy adversaries the good the old mexicans like you know 15 years ago they were they were i

wouldn't call them worthy adversaries but they they would just like mow lawns over there and you'd stay out of your way. But this new wave, they are organized criminals who are here to empty your garage of its contents while you're sleeping. You know what they're doing here in New York? They kick in the front door while you're there sleeping. They know you're not going to have a gun because it's New York. They grab all the fobs, which are usually right by the front door, hanging on some hooks or some shit. And then they just whoop, whoop, whoop.

They see what fob goes to what car and take off. And you obviously call the police and everything. But the cops show up. And this was all like 15 minutes ago. They're long gone. Yeah. Not going to find them. And I kind of like.

I've never heard of this. I kind of like that. What did you say? Is this real? I've never heard of this i kind of like that uh what did you say is this real i've never heard about this so it's not real i'm asking like it no you didn't i said is this real and now you're saying i didn't ask you're a liberal right a little bit can't you just is it amazing you can tell i never heard of this this is bullshit no no that i've never heard of it what do you think i just pulled it out of my fucking ass yeah so i'm asking is this real is it possible well so you're changing your tone from like never heard of this i don't think i said that like that i said is this real exactly like that play back the tape it was this

is bullshit this is a real thing. Talk to cops. Get involved. You lefties live on satellites that circle the earth without actually putting your feet on the ground. Talk to people in law enforcement. Talk to people that are involved with the border and these fucking criminals. And you will discover that this is a trend kicking in the front door. And this is very common in westchester uh in the suburbs here yonkers the bronx stealing cars you you talk to cops up where i am and they go we didn't have car theft like in the old days you could just smash the drive shaft and hotwire it then the car companies figured that out and there was no car theft for like the past 15 years, basically.

And because the fobs are so good. In fact, if you have a BMW and you tell your insurance company, oh, my car was stolen. I left it parked. They're like, no, it wasn't. And you're not getting any money for it. You cannot steal a BMW without the fob. And so these now these thieves are so brazen. They're just stealing fobs.

And then I guess the cars end up in Saudi Arabia. They end up in the Middle East. They ship them over. I actually found a story that supports what you're saying. Yonkers police form of key fob hacking scheme. But they do mention a lot of what you said, which is these key fobs are nice, but they can hang by the front doors and people are using them combined with single boost signal boosters to do this so yeah that's another thing too they're they're seeing you open your car and they're hijacking the signal and then making their own fog wait outside

why send it to saudi arabia or the middle east i don't know i think they don't have any standards over there i first heard that you, when you hydro lock your car, it's basically toast because water is in the fucking electrical now. And even if you fix it, you're going to notice problems over the years. So just write it off. Those cars end up in the Middle East, in Dubai, in Saudi Arabia, at these auctions where they get them for nothing. Maybe water can't survive over there. But now i'm hearing that these shipping containers are getting filled with

the stolen cars and they just strip the vin number whatever and they sell them over there because they're obviously savages in the middle east and they don't have any standards they i fucking hate that those people have any money doesn't upset you when you see them have nice things when they're riding a car on two wheels like that you know what i mean that's impressive i like that i'm like that's my money do i like their outfits no regard for personal safety either i fucking hate their outfits those stupid long shirts and they're showing their toes everywhere and then they got a towel on their head. Okay, fine. You have a point with the toe thing

but the rest of it looks pretty comfortable. No, it looks ridiculous. You're wearing a shirt dress. You look like Ebony's Rouge. Oh, look at that. This is lame. I'm on board for that shit. That shit's cool as shit. I want to be in there. I'll wear a helmet, though. That's great.

They're talented drivers. I can't do that. I think it's easier than it looks. You know what we should have done? We should have changed the tire. There's this black sludge in your water supply. We're going to get it out of there and we're only going to charge you $100 a month, desert people.

And they'd be like, oh, thank you so much. How are they in that much of a hurry they need to change the tire like that what do you need to get to another hot sandy location right away you think that's what it was they were in a big hurry yeah 40 degrees out yeah man i didn't know i didn't know the middle east had no uh like saudi arabia and dubai i figured they would like be fancy with cars didn't know i didn't know the middle east had no uh like saudi arabia and dubai i figured they would like be fancy with cars didn't know they were buying our nonsense our stolen shit all right so remember the sopranos episode when tony's sending the cars to italy and then they're sending them to russia i i mean obviously we've got a whole system here with ben numbers and

everything's cataloged and has its place we're computer system. I don't know if there's a Russian or a European equivalent or even a Middle Eastern equivalent. Maybe you just have a car and be like, yeah, it's mine. Is it? Yeah. Okay. Cars and shipping them out is cultural. That's going to thing forever. Except I think that it

used to be South America is where the cars would land. I hadn't heard Middle East, but I'm not. I don't know. You're all about Western culture, Western societies. West is the best. That's inarguable. Hey, I can't see you guys.

Did the guy I yell at for saying never heard of this? Is he all quiet now? No. He's still talking. Yeah. I'm not at all scared. I'm a grown man. And I can say what I want.

If you say something that I turned out, was wrong i fact i was i was worried i heard you wrong people don't like confrontation that's the problem with new yorkers is they travel and they go like fuck you and the guy's like what the fuck and you're like no i'm saying thanks i'm just being rude i'm just a northeastern rude person yeah like i was i was in greenville south carolina recently and i was wearing white jeans and a hawaiian shirt and this guy goes i like your pants and i went fuck you he was coming on to you you could have a cool experience it was mortified i'm like mind your own business i don't care what your opinion is on my fucking pants you don't i have like uh i have like a gut reaction

that like in public i have to be polite if that guy would have come i'm from the midwest and so if that guy would have been like nice pants to me even if i have no desire to speak to him it's like all right i gotta hit it back i gotta at least say thank you and like smile on your way to a threesome trailer yeah yeah you know there's so much bullshit in new york with like these homeless people and crackheads and they come up to the street like hey man can i talk to you for a second i got this thing so i can get a bus ticket like no even today i was in newark new jersey and this woman was like mexican woman was like not woman she was like 20 whatever and she was crying sitting on a step and she goes mister mister i just went i have no feelings

and then there's some other woman newer kids drop your money and i was like i don't want that um you preemptively shut it down you you you say like no no look at robert de niro's face i hate robert de niro but he has that new york mouth you get where you're just like no no no until it alters your physiognomy and now you have new muscles that you never had before and you're you have a grump face yeah he's always got upside down smile yeah he does even smiling like he's making fun of trump there or something he's pained he does even smiling like he's making fun of trump there or something he's just pained oh is he an anti-trump guy deniro oh yeah they had a whole thing and then of course like he had some issues of his own because of that did he yeah yeah he's a black wife right so

i don't know why i said that he has black wife right yeah he's he does have a tennis elbow so he's got a black wife he's no the thing you gotta know about de niro is he's a art school kid he's a theater kid he played a tough guy in scorsese's movie and it took so he's like oh okay i guess i'm a tough guy his dad's literally a gay poet like he's a local new york city queer. He's an art fan. It's easy to forget that about tough actors. I saw behind the scenes footage of the Game of Thrones people. And these guys all look so fucking manly, man. Their beards are foot long.

They're big, strong guys. They're Game of Thrones, whatever. But you see them by the trailers and not doing their job. They're singing. They're playing. They're like playing. They're theater geeks. And it comes through when they're not actually filming for the show. Tupac was a dancer who says, you need to listen to women, you guys, because they've got a lot to say.

And I feel like women are smarter than men, you guys. And then he was in Juice where he played a murderer. And people were like, that's kind of dope that you're like this badass rapper. He's like, then that's who I am, motherfucker. Who's Chris Evans? Is that Captain America? A little effeminate in that video. Captain America is Chris Evans.

Chris Evans. Get me a beer. Chris Evans in his roles comes off as super tough, and his superpower is like leadership. But if you see him interviewed or like talking to Robert Downey Jr. and stuff, he's a theater guy. Wait, is Chris Evans Captain America? Yeah.

Yeah. I know there's that chick on Netflix who's got the most gigantic nose in the history of noses. She looks like an anti-semitic cartoon and she had a netflix special where she's wearing slack fuck i forget her name but the whole netflix special is like about how her grandmother thinks she's beautiful and uh the comedy special yeah comedy special um she dated chris evans and she's obviously LA Jewish liberal. And she was like,

I, I can't handle this guy. And she dumped Chris Evans for being too much of a liberal pussy. Oh, you're a liberal pussy. When super Hollywood liberal comedians are like, sorry, man, you need to grow at least one ball.

Yeah, that's right. Who put that picture on the right that's jeff peckin art that jeff piscina art now i don't think he likes her she dated chris evans yeah well that's the word on the street i got from from comedy insiders and he was like yeah she dumped him for being too much of a pussy as my dad would say would you like me to show them back on i could show just one on which and he always goes like this would you like me to show it back on did your did your dad have an accent like that yeah my dad's from glasgow my parents are from glasgow really that i had no idea and so you grew up you never lived there though. You were always here? We would summer.

Sometimes they would pawn me off on my grand and I'd have to spend the whole fucking summer there, which sucked because it's a shit. It doesn't shit. You're a liar. I'm not lying, Dad. I was born in England. We moved to Canada when I was five and then I moved to New York in my late 20s.

Isn't Glasgow like the stabbing capital of the planet? Isn't that like shaking hands there? It's Newark, New Jersey. The Glasgow smile is when they cut your face here. So I remember seeing the Joker and like in the scary part of the movie, Heath Ledger is like, and then my dad decided to cut my mouth because i wasn't smiling enough and the music's all like oh scary and i'm like yeah that's a bad friday night in glasgow what now you're a super villain fuck you pussy yeah

he had a guest who was telling us about that he said that when people in the nose see that smile they identify that person like as a rat like it's a scarlet letter oh really that's what he said i don't think that's the case in glasgow but maybe in the states you know what they would do in glasgow they'd cut your face with a carpet cutter but they put a match they put two blades in the carpet cutter and they'd put a match between the two blades so when they slice your face it's really hard to stitch up because there's a piece of spaghetti hanging down that you can't seal. So you end up with a much more. That's diabolical.

That's so sinister. I'm confused. A match? A match stick? They put two blades in. So now there's two. But to make them split apart, they put a match in there. So now they've got these two terrible cuts side by side.

And the skin in the middle makes it very difficult to stitch because they have no way to grab that. So now they just got to remove it and make a big gash that they fill in. Thank you. I got too hung up on the match part. How is that a weapon? I'm very confused. Diabolical. I hate that. I'd rather do this.

When I would go there as a kid, the little kids would go, what team do you support? What did you say? If you support Rangers and they're a Celtics fan, they'll kill you. And if you support Celtics and you're a Rangers fan, you'll kill you. Like, you don't wear blue in the areas where there's Celtic fans because that's green. My cousin got bottled from a bus.

A bus of Celtics fans were driving by, and he was wearing a blue shirt. He wasn't even a Rangers fan. But they're like, no, not today. So I said, I don't enjoy the whole, I would speak with a Scottish accent down there just to sort of blend in.

What do I say? What team do you support? How do I know I'm with the right side? He goes, just say Partick Thistle. they're a shit team and people will say you're mad so now you just say you're a thistle fan what team do you support i go partake thistle and then they would laugh and go you're a fucking bomb pot which is a lunatic what is that word it was like a force field a bam pot bam pot means lunatic yeah okay that's one of the best accents ever reminds me of that's good advice i like it i was like

my my i was like what do i do if i'm in this situation i don't even watch sports ball no you'd have to have an answer you couldn't you couldn't make fun of soccer to them they would hate that. But no way. You'll get killed either way. I mean, that's the only thing you can say to not die. Although I did remember in the early 80s, Bruce Lee caught on over there and Kung Fu and all the movies. And so I go there one summer and they're like, do you know Kung Fu?

And I'm like yeah I'm only allowed to use it in self defense my son said that I can only use it if I'm attacked but I'm obviously going to kill everyone in this room right now no one for like three years when Kung Fu they'd hear an American accent

and just assume you were a ninja and then I made it it away it was back to violence yeah there was a whole wave of movies in the 80s like american ninja this that and the other they were all different colors it was a there was a ninja mania it was crazy and i look at people taking kung fu lessons like you know they always have a big glass wall as you can see in and i'm just like this is gay yeah you're gonna be tough at the mall it's absolutely gay these guys have heard this story what are you gonna do chop me in half oh it's stupid hands they will literally tell you you're

not punching right if they fail to block it like that's how kung fu training goes i i told these guys a story but quickly for you i was at work some guy was giving out lessons that you could like win in a raffle i forget how i won the kung fu lessons but i did win and i went to them and took kung fu for i don't know six months and uh it is stupid and it doesn't work but i had fun we call them sensei when you're not here it's just you're learning like wufu kung fu that like wong fe Fei Hong stuff with. It's stupid. The move that caught my mind was this.

He's like, if someone puts their hand on your chest, then you grab their fingers and you pull them apart. Right. Take them, spread them super wide. And I'm like, no one is ever going to gift me their hand like that. Whoever puts their hand on their opponent's chest, fingers spread, palm down. That's not a thing. It's all make-believe. Absolutely separate your fingers if you put your hand on my chest

in slow motion and go... All right, so we got this one. Like you grab here and then you twist it and then you apply pressure. Yeah, a fight happens in a nanosecond and you're just like... Yeah. It's the same as those, you see the gun disarming guys on Twitter. And they can disarm anyone with a gun if the person with the gun is slow and participating in the exercise.

Exactly. But, like, other than that, like, if someone's holding me at gunpoint, there's no way they're holding the gun here in my, like, if I'm holding me at gunpoint, there's no way they're holding the gun here in my like if I'm holding Woody at gunpoint. Do I walk up like it's a movie and like poke you in the chest with the gun and be like, yeah, you are. You don't have a chance of taking this from me now. Like, no, I would shoot you. That wouldn't work. I was at a I was at a machine gun shoot and there was a guy there who was demonstrating that technique.

I don't remember what his background was. I guess the idea... Yeah, probably Huckster. He was a military man though. If you're just trying to hold him at gun point and your goal isn't to shoot him, like I'm taking a prisoner

and he did what he did to me, then he would have taken the gun away. The problem was I have to stand right in front of him and him be like, all right, when I move, you pull the trigger. And in that instance, he could get the – he moved. Then he reached in. At the same time, he was moving his head off center and his body off center, swiping the gun away and also hitting the inside of my wrist

with like a karate chop. And it sort of hit the tendons and also like hitting the inside of my wrist with like a karate chop and it sort of hit the tendons and made this involuntary reaction where i let the gun go and he had my gun and i was like well i had a shot you before like we got to all that i don't think i'd have walked within reaching distance of you if we're you know having a gun fight or something or you're the bad man i'm catching but still still, he could have taken the gun away from me. He did. He took it away from me because I wasn't intending to shoot him, I guess. I got a question.

What's real? Boxing? Jiu-Jitsu? Wrestling? Muay Thai? Boxing? MMA? There's only four that you could actually use in the real world.

The rest are just dance. Oh, Krav Maga. Have you ever watched a Krav maga video it's so funny it's like it's like what you do is like you like tear their eyes out you like rip their body it's like chimp style you fight like a chimp would where you rip fingers off nails biting eye gouging with those fighting styles that have like various death touches is you can't train them like oh you're gonna pull my eyeball out in a real fight? It is the first time you've ever tried this.

That's fair. I've had a pig head delivered every week. At this point, you can really pluck one out. I mean, why would you want to pluck someone's eye out? Can't you just beat them up? Can't you choke them out or punch them in the head? I don't want to pull somebody's fucking eyeball out. I don't either.

I think that's big talk to make people afraid of Krav Maga. Well, it depends. Like if someone breaks into your house and your wife and kids are there, you're going to bite his penis off and like stick your thumbs into his eyes and everything. But I'd lure him in with the blow job and then bite it right off. And you're like four minutes in.

You're like, he's never going to suspect it now because he's getting sick. I need to be hard before I can really get a bite. I need to be hard, rock hard before I can bite it good. Yeah, ensure the blood flow. You bite his dick off. You bite his dick off, then you swallow it and you say, get the fuck out of my house.

If you leave my house, I will make myself vomit and you can get your dick back. I'm not going to say all that with your mouth so full. You swallow it. Okay, okay. And then you lock the door behind you like, okay. That's actually a good idea for a movie. Remember the Lorena Bobbitt?

A whole movie, huh? See, I would expand upon that like remember the lorraine on bobbitt's story the lady whose husband was forced himself on her and then she cut his dick off in his sleep and then drove away with it i don't know how she that was the deal yeah and then she drove away with the penis and threw it out the car window and i was just thinking like what if like the movie was about you snuck in and like drugged the guy and took his penis off surgically and then when he woke up like if you want your penis back, you've got to go rob this bank. I want to see that movie.

But don't you have a matter of anything for your dick doesn't work? Hmm? Well, isn't there a very short time where you can get the dick back on? Oh, it's on ice. It's on ice. It's good. Some cop found the dick. so she threw it into a field this cop drove around later and he's like i got a hunch

and he walked up found it yeah they brought it to the hospital he did a porn after he made a little mushroom kind of a dick it's not it's nothing to write home about better than nothing and you know what she got for that 30 days in a loony bin yeah that's not long enough she seems like pretty loony it's attempted murder her testimony was compelling well it is attempted murder yeah well and he was a rapist it's a uh but it's not self-defense there's a there's no evidence she claims she was in an abusive relationship and and they went, I believe you. So the person that abused him physically says he was abusive. Yeah.

Okay. But Gavin's making a good point here. The fact that that cop found that cock on the side of the road. Imagine, Taylor, if I told you, hey, Taylor, I threw an Oscar Mayer wiener out my window while I was driving down the road. I was about a mile and a half past the quick stop if you wouldn't look for that weenie no ants would have eaten it days ago like some sort of wildlife would have carried it off you would never find my dick especially not mine find your find your ant covered penis and bring it back to you i can throw your dick i can throw your dick in the room behind you and send you on a scavenger hunt that would leave you scratching your head.

If I threw my dick out a window, the cops would be able to find it because all the neighbors would be calling about this escaped Burmese python. And they're worried about it consuming 300 pound men. It's bloody and it has sores all over it. Yeah, that would be horrible. What's the worst way to wake up dickless that's it yeah oh i got one i got one i heard about a wife i she she found out that this her like um her husband had been molesting the children the stepchildren and so she woke him up with a boiling bucket of sugar water. Yeah, so like napalm. She poured molten sugar water on him in the bed while he was asleep.

It's something they do in prison. I can't really call it. Stupid question, did he die? I don't know if he died, but he wished he had afterwards because it's going to stick and do awful things. In prison, they microwave jams and jellies, and they throw that in your face. That's awesome.

Yeah, they get really... You shouldn't give you guys microwaves. We need microwaves. We're human fucking beings. Dude, that microwave was a godsend. Oh, you killed him. There we go. So, mission accomplished. She got a kill out of it. I wonder what she got.

Hopefully at least 60 days. 60 days for being naughty. But if that guy was molesting her kids, I think that's all fair. Oh, is that what he did? Oh, I'm sorry. I must have missed a key.

It seems like she rid the world of a problem there. Maybe they should give her her key to the city. There's a, if you could find a great interview or nothing, there was a father who caught this guy molesting his son and, and hit the interview with him. He's like,

I started beating him viciously and I didn't stop. Even though he begged me to stop. And I decided I was going to take his life. And my sense, my son said, said no poppy don't kill him and that's the only reason i didn't kill him on my floor and he's on the news like channel seven saying it was so good the best what state was it you know viciously um and they show the pictures of the little the molester guy he's just looks like a UFC post fighter. I don't remember what state.

I just remember child molester. You know who I talk to sometimes? You know the case in the 80s where the dad was waiting at the airport for the molester Kung Fu teacher? Yes. He took the kid around the country to Kung Fu things and was blowing him on a regular basis. And the dad is

he's got a baseball hat on it became a huge meme and he just like just goes up blows his head off under his arm yeah he's like why gary why yeah yeah that's it and you can tell that the news people were uh alerted to this i mean they probably told him too that the guy's going to be there at this time and i just love how the courts and the jury were like well technically that's illegal but uh you go out the back door i like it when that happens like when a guy's kid is hurt and the dad takes justice into his own hands it's not that uncommon for courts to just be like yeah justice was done here that's a such an impressive shot he makes. So he brings his right arm up.

The left hand's fake holding a phone at a pay booth, obviously. And the right arm comes up under the armpit. And so he fires point fire, no aiming, like this, but more under the armpit, and hits him in the side of the fucking head, moving 8 feet, 10 feet away. No other bystanders are injured. Like the angle is perfect.

It's crazy that he hit that shot. I bet he's been practicing this shit all week. He went to the fucking Kyle Rittenhouse. He went to the range. Are you the Russian gun guy who got canceled on YouTube? Little bit. I didn't really get canceled. I'm more,

I got caught with half an ounce of marijuana and, and, and that's a felony. The ultimate cancellation in prison. Oh, so you can't have guns of marijuana and, and, uh, and that's a felony, the ultimate cancellation in prison. Oh, so you can't have guns now. No, no,

they, um, it was a possession of half an ounce of marijuana with intent to distribute. Um, because, um, I smoked with my girlfriend.

So I was distributing with her. Yeah. Yeah. That's important. They treated him like he was selling it. That is not the case. That's not why they, you were making was selling it. That is not the case. That's not why. You were making guns popular, and that made... And explosives.

Yeah, they really didn't like the explosive stuff, because we were selling a lot of explosives. Is that legal? Yeah, it's called Tannerite. This guy named Dan Tanner up in maybe Washington, Oregon. He invented this stuff. It's a binary compound. You mix ammonium nitrate with some aluminum powder

and some other shit, shake it up, shoot it with your AR-15. I love it. Yeah. It's cool. He sells it for $10 a pound. They don't cost that. And it's illegal that you were selling that.

Oh, yeah. I wasn't selling it. I was promoting it. I was using it. I blew up a lot of shit with it. Yeah, you got Al Capone. Like, when they got Al Capone with the tax charge, that marijuana was your tax charge. Yeah. That marijuana was your tax charge.

Yeah. Probably, probably should have stayed straight edge like the proud boys. I wouldn't have been tangled up with all that nonsense. You couldn't live without the masturbation. Who are you kidding? They, he said they can be kind of lax on that.

They admit everybody has, you know, their weaknesses occasionally. Yeah. I think you, I think you'd make the, yeah, there you go.

This was the best one where you almost killed yourself in by getting hit by a door dude that door my god at least visually is coming right at you and then ducks to the right of the screen at the end that looks fake i willed it to the right it was you had a little moment after that shoot where you're like this is going to be a great video i almost died yeah it happened a couple times there was another video where the guy's by a tree i think he shot a tannerite fridge and the door just exactly like that that's my video too oh is that you too yeah the um it actually hits my uh actually hit my cousin uh my cousin was the cameraman and and so it's funny.

I shoot the fridge like a fully automatic Sega 12 shotgun. And the fridge fucking detonates because we put way too much shit in it. And a piece of it, this really sharp piece of metal, fridges peel apart. Hit him right in the shin and cause this gash. So he drops the camera. But from your point of view as the viewer, you hear, and the camera falls over.'s great such a good shot is that on youtube

he's in our gay for men bumper oh you're in our gay for men montage nice you're in our gay for men yeah that was I shattered every window in the cabin behind me when I shot that that was like 150

pounds of tannerite or something up on a mountain in Oregon. Did the cabin owner get pissed? Yeah. Someone had to pay for all those windows. It was like $15,000. Dude, the explosives when Kyle shoots them is something else. The first time I felt it, Gavin, you said you can't see us, but my hair is as fixed as yours is.

And Kyle shot an explosion, and my fucking hair moves. And it can't move. It's like Gavin's. And I was just like, holy shit. It rocks you. It thumps you in the chest when the explosions go off. My brother is named Kyle, and we, at his bachelor party, no chicks. Having chicks at bachelor parties for fags.

And we blew up shit, and we would put Tannerite under stumps, like big logs, and those things would just go fucking flying. It's one of the most satisfying things in the world. And isn't it funny how you're punished for that? I think you were punished for masculinity. It wasn't really wasn't really oh he's gonna start an army and overthrow the government it was just like he's making it seem cool to be a dude now now play the russian rap video where i've got the chick grabbing my dick while the explosions go off that would be perfect for this part you really really shine my wheels up for me some meme going around these

days it's an old story but i think it was two alabama men and they were arrested for shooting each other while wearing bulletproof vests yeah that's bullshit and everyone who sees that is like leave those fucking guys alone that's consenting i always knew that was a video not to make or i felt like it was i felt like I was pushing the boundaries, because I sold armor, and I promoted armor videos, but and I wanted to get shot. I was like, dude, this armor, when you've got

plate armor, like AR-500 steel, like, you can't even feel when someone shoots you. Like, I mean, you feel it a little, but it doesn't move you. It's just a tap. There's no pain. Look at old Bilzerian. Old's just a tap. There's no pain. Look at old Bilzerian. Old damn Bilzerian.

Don't hear about him much anymore. I see him at the UFC stuff a good bit. I guess I never heard about him ever except from that video you did with him. His business has kind of collapsed. It wasn't profitable, but he had investors, and he kind of burned through that. Is that the beard of chicks? Yeah. And now he's doing another thing which is kind of the andrew tate business model like the hustler university sort of thing where he teaches

people to be dan blizerian i gotta do what he's doing let me tell you dan blizerian's like like best fit um he explained this to me he was like it was all about money and pussy right he's like those are the only two things we care about and so he all of his business models are kind of wrapped around that and so he had a he had like a contest to be a model in a calendar that he's going to sell so that means all these beautiful women send in their like pictures like i'd like to be the model and then he narrows it down to maybe 50 girls and then he has them all fly to an island somewhere and do a photo shoot with him and every step of the way he's making money and people are paying him for the privilege of like being part of it you know what i mean he's not having to pay models for his calendar like they want to be in the calendar

they'll pay him to be in his calendar and then he can sell said calendar and he can fuck the girls it was this perfect machine of money and sex that just is great by the way the girls aren't stupid in that situation necessarily either there's a podcast i forget the name of it but this guy comes on and he has these only fans and every one of these girls looks like morons they basically tell them that they're not living an ethical lifestyle, that they're stupid. Their only value is their pussy. Say that again.

Whatever. I think you're right. I think that is. And for a while, I like many people thought, why are these girls going on this? Have they not seen the dozens, hundreds of episodes before them?

That's definitely it. Where every girl looks stupid. You're walking into the lion's den. Well, it turns out these girls on the Whatever podcast make a lot of money. Their OnlyFans skyrocket. They are getting made by the Whatever podcast. So even though

they look dumb for an hour, a lot of people see them and, you know what? I'd like to see that. I wonder what Gorlak does destroyers up to because there's no way her OnlyFans is popping. Like, maybe she got, like, some sort of tire sponsorship. Dude, she's got... Like a Hardee's endorsement. A Hardee's one?

She's like, she's sitting... Hardee's, two-in-one gravy biscuits for a limited time. Look at that. What goes on in this woman's mind, right? She rated herself a 10. She said she's a 10. It's just a big fat mexican homo dude uh with a wig on but does he have a leaf band oh is that a dude dressed as a woman

oh so it's a publicist oh it is a chick it's a chick yeah it's a guy wait i'm really yeah i was completely fooled that's a dude mexican faggot. I thought that was the ugliest woman of all time. But this gentleman... This is men stealing from women again. He took the title of ugliest woman ever. If he has an OnlyFans... Rosie O'Donnell is so upset.

...little dick or something? I'll sign up for OnlyFans if he has an OnlyFans. We gotta see that. Gorlock the Destroyer starts in OnlyFans if he has an OnlyFans. We gotta see that. Gorlock the Destroyer starts an OnlyFans. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, they have an OnlyFans. I'm signing up for that. I'm signing up for that.

I feel better now knowing that it's a dude trolling because when I would see him... It's a dude who's trans. But that's just such an ugly individual. It's hard to believe that's sincere. That's so ugly that it's like when I would see that person,

I'm like, there's a medical issue here. That's like airsoft fatty fat. He's like a.1. A.1, yeah. He's like he burned victims and people with no limbs. I Like he's like a burn victims and like people with no limbs. I'd rather be in like a burning car for like 30 seconds than look like that. I appreciate that your scale of 1 to 10 includes burn victims because sometimes people will be like, ah, she's a 1.

And it's just an ugly chick. And you're like, no, a burn victim doesn't have legs or arms or a face. That's what a 1 is. Conversation here. I don't know if you have another six hours to spare but uh yeah i'm one of these people who thinks you have to leave some room at the bottom for like rocky dennis and someone who you know go lock themselves but it didn't work i think we leave some room at the top for some shit we haven't seen yet too well that's another interesting

bell curve of the 10 some people say you see 110 in your lifetime. Some people say you should grade to the curve, whatever it's called. What do you call that when you're like great on a curve? So some people say you should see a 10 a month. You know, that includes media, film, TV. I'm one of those people. I think you should see a 10 a month and adjust your standards accordingly. Okay.

So you weight it much higher. You don't think a 10 is a top 10%. You think the vast majority are 5s. No. It's a bell curve. Yeah. It's a bell curve. But how often, let's skip to the end here.

How often do you see a 10? Rarely. Almost never. Almost never. If a true 10 is... One a year. I like that. I think that's fair. Are you talking about just beauty standards? Just physical appearance? We're not talking about women's personalities.

Well, alright. Imagine if she's like the ruler of North Korea and she's fucking hot. That might be a downside. Imagine if Lorena Bobbitt was a 10. Lorena Bobbitt. She's a 10 now i'm at that lady was actually attractive like imagine instead of a fucking seven she was a 10 and a half like oh but she cut her last husband's dick off i don't think i want to be in a serious relationship she got it out of her system she's a one i do look at it more

holistically yeah like taylor swift okay this chick she'll murder your children what's what's taylor swift would you call her seven it's based on do i want to fuck you and do i want to marry Like Taylor Swift, for example. Okay, this chick. She'll murder your children. What's Taylor Swift? Would you call her a seven? It's based on do I want to fuck you and do I want to marry you. You don't want to marry a penis chopper. So she's a one. She's a zero. You don't tell me what to do.

Oh, so yours is not just purely a physical rating. Well, if I... Penn, I don't know about the penis chopping. And then the woman you just showed is a six. But I think we have to ignore everything that's not physical I don't know about the penis chopping. And then the woman you just showed is a six. But I think we have to ignore everything that's not physical because we can't really know because women are liars. So we just have to go on physical appearance alone because of their inherent dishonesty. What about I think a good litmus test is Sylvester Stallone's daughters.

I don't know if I've seen them. Some people call them eights. Some people call them tens. They're definitely in that range. Zach, pull up a picture of the Sylvester Stallone girls. Stallone's daughters. Are you showing me? I know. My favorite Stallone story is that he likes the glass bottom boat treatment,

where he gets under a glass table and the ladies squat on top and shit on it. That sounds made up. Is that Miley Cyrus? I like to pick up such a thing. Where do you see Miley Cyrus? The one in the middle? The yellow one, right? The yellow one's face looks...

I see it. I don't see it. I need to see what you're seeing. Oh, you can't see that on your web browser? Oh, maybe you can't. He's got it in a different setup. It's Stallone and his daughters. They're very attractive. The one in the green is a very attractive lady.

The one on the right looks like Trump's daughter. The rest of them look not, you know. I think the one in black is his wife, right? The one on the far left is not his daughter. That's got to be his wife. Yeah, that's an older lady. The one on the far right is not his daughter. That's got to be his wife. Yeah, that's an older lady. The one on the far right is a – you got to think of all the makeup and everything. So she's on a Sunday morning doing laundry.

She's a 7.6. She's taller than Stallone. The green dress, though – can you blow her up for me, Ryan, just momentarily so I can see her? That was the one I was thinking of when I suggested Stallone's daughters daughters i think who's the one on the right who's blue fucking shit i didn't see her in the previous picture what happened how many daughters does the load have at least three we know blue is a nine if that's not a 10 what is uh one in the blue uh wait so what is what's the litmus test on his daughters are there people who are like oh stallone's daughter's fucking monstrous i just made it up but i assume so no i like them as a litmus test i like them as a rorschach inkblot drawing all

you will because because most of them a way to gauge a 10 is god hands you her and he's like make whatever changes you want and you're like oh thanks god you make the tits bigger and then you make the nose different and you change the ears or something and then you bring her back to god and you're like i fucked up can you just make she looks like she looks like natalie dormer uh the chick from game of thrones the the one that was um she had a merengue tommen or whatever she's got that like heart-shaped cutesy face they're really pretty. She makes me want to suck Sloan's dick

just because it made chicks that hot. Yeah. Even maybe Apollo Creed could get involved. Rest in peace. I felt bad when I heard you pass this last week. Then spit has come on the ground and then fuck has come

because it made his daughters. Is that gay? I mean. No. As long as we end with the daughters, I think we could power through some of that. I want him to wear the shorts from Rocky 2 though. What happened? I want him to wear his

shorts from Rocky 2 during all that. No, I don't care what he wears. I'm not a fag. Oh, I'm sorry. I misunderstood. He could just wear his normal sweatpants. This is about his daughters. Seems like we gotta go through him to get to them, though.

I don't know why we're now obsessed with Stallone's daughters, but I'm kinda getting on board with it. Yeah, I could beat the shit out of Stallone. Really? Yeah. Stallone's old and short. But he's strong, and he's very much into fitness. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if he's boxed recently, but like...

Does he box? Oh, all right, time out. Obviously, I know he played Rocky. I never considered that he probably knows how to box quite well. He probably trained. He must have learned something about boxing. It's got to be believable, right? And no one who watches

it goes, that was a weird punch. Why is it like everyone who watches Rocky goes, that was a great uppercut. Although if you rewatch the one with Mr. T, the fighting Mr. T is so bad at fake fighting. It's just swinging swinging you could tell the editor was just like oh fuck all right here we go yeah ivan drago was a was a better uh boxer that was that guy's a

genius uh that guy's like literally a genius i think he has some really impressive um degree maybe like something like biochemistry or something crazy like that. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I don't know. So I'm so old. I want to say I could beat up that old man, even though that he is in shape and no satified because he's like, I think of him as 80. Is he 80? He's definitely mid-step.

He's everything. He has a little young to be president, but otherwise okay. That video's fake. I talked to weightlifter dudes, and they're like, look at the way the weights move. Yeah. I can do that. He's done a couple things with fake weights that bother me.

Yeah. He's got a new TV show that's debuting now where he plays a mobster who's released from prison, and New York doesn't want him anymore. So they make him go to Texas. And so he just but he's completely out of the loop with technology and everything. And he just gets a black driver who's hip to cell phones and shit. And he's like, you order it or you pay for it. Like, all he has is cash and nobody will take his cash.

It's fun. If you were in Hollywood, if I was an executive in hollywood and i heard that pitch i'd be like next right that's no for me i i didn't i didn't like it too much because it he's getting into like machine gun fights with local punks in texas and it's like i don't know he's 77 fucking years old nobody's intimidated you'd be in prison i just locked right back up the expendables the new one because i'm gay for jason statham but uh dude his fucking plastic surgery face looks like a scrotum that just got spooked by a snowman statham? Stallone. Statham looks great, but he's like this.

Yo, I don't think this is going to work out. I'm like, are you mad? Sad? Are you crying? What's going on with your fucking face, you freak? He seems like he has severe CTE. I think he's got nerve damage. He got nerve damage in his face when he was being delivered.

That's why his mouth does that stupid thing. Here's the most embarrassing thing ever. His brother... It's true. His brother looked like that too. Exactly. Frank Stallone's putting a face on to look more like his brother.

He fakes the nerve damage that his more famous brother has so that people don't keep them connected. I swear that's the truth. It's the sickest story in Hollywood. That is disgusting. They're sucking fetuses dry out there, but this

is what's disgusting. That's his brother? Yeah, that's Frank Stall movie star that guy's a fucking loser i didn't know he had a brother till right now he so like when stallone was killing it you know all those like big big movies and fucking the hottest women in like in the world his brother was doing all this b-list shit all these crappy action movies just just lots of junk and trash, just whatever he could get, because on the cover it would say, Stallone

starring in Cobra 2. And you'd be like, oh, I love Stallone and Cobra. I can't believe he made a sequel. And it's like, no, it's Frank Stallone and he's a Cobra tamer. He's not that cool cop with a fancy car anymore. It's just Frank Stallone. he calms down cobras and they're not as angry after he's more of a cobra mitigator you know he doesn't fully shut down the aggression

call me a cobra and i will simmer it down yeah i'll take it from a nine to an eight only slightly less embarrassing is stallone's mother's fitness tapes. And it's either his mother or his mother and his father who was in those fitness tapes with like the moms and dads of other Hollywood celebrities. Like they collaborated and they're in like spandex doing like terrible aerobics, like calisthenics and stuff. It's humiliating. You're taking me back to my old buddy derek beckles he used to put together these compilations called tv carnage i think he still sells them and it's it's a compilation of like the worst dvds vhs tapes that you've ever seen in your fucking life and it i that's how i think i learned about the sly stones mom's workout tapes he's got

hundreds of hours of the worst garbage you've ever seen. You know what the brother thing reminds me of? That, let's get ready to rumble! Guy's brother? Yep. And his thing is like, okay guys, it's time for a fight or whatever!

Yeah. Isn't his brother's thing where he's like, it's time! And it's like that is that get that is so much worse than let's get ready to rumble let's get ready to rumble could wouldn't have its worst pair of shoes buffed by its time i disagree i disagree no you're just an mma fan i as a fan of neither i'm i'm objective know, they didn't discover they were brothers until later in life. What? I didn't know that. Bruce Buffer didn't know, was a fan even of his brother

and discovered they were brothers. And then he's like, oh, we're brothers? Hey, let me introduce you to the introduction people who are about to fight game. It's the best job in the world. And then he got the same job for the UFC. And I like it's time. And I like surpassed him. I heard.

I like it. I want to respond to Taylor. I want Taylor to be wrong, but I don't think he is. I am also biased and pro MMA on this thing, but it's ready to rumble is just better. Let's get ready to rumble is where it's at. That's an objective fact. So isn't the original guy pissed? I heard that he was mad at his brother and I get it.

Surely not. No, because you diluted my brand. And now people are like, how much are you? Let's get ready to rumble. I'm a million dollars per fight. Is there anyone like you, but a little more affordable? Well, there's my brother who's a hundred grand. Okay, we'll go with him it's not as

cool of a line but I get $900,000 back Bruce Buffer runs both businesses he should wait is a feud I thought there was a feud is Bruce let's get ready to rumble or is he it's time he's it's time

oh well then the other one's the good one yeah he should be in charge Bruce's employee is the good one yes i'm always going to go with bruce because joe told us that like bruce liked whores and and like coke and and partying and stuff and that sounded like the coolest shit ever for a 60 year old quasi celebrity to do i'm sure the other one does also they're brothers sure i too am a hunter biden fan whores and drugs say what you want about the left that hunter biden guy fucking rocks when joe biden vice president i remember tweeting out because he got caught hunter got caught with folk way back then and i was like i don't want to live in an america where the vice president's son is not doing coke and fucking whores yeah yeah then we do here and i'm like okay now it's

getting a little weird uh it'd be un-american if they didn't having a background showing joe falling up a set of stairs is so so funny i just couldn't agree more with what they said you guys got clips for days the hunter biden thing um was one of those examples where it was so crazy that they pretended like it wasn't real for so long and i didn't believe it was real i was like it can't be real because everyone's saying it's not real and it's so audacious it reminds me of the Trump pee tape allegations I was like this is their this is our version

of the pee tapes we're gonna say something crazy and it's surely it's not true he's not fucking prostitutes and doing cocaine and it's not all on tape but he was and and we've seen it and say what you want about Marjorie Taylor Greene I'm from Georgia so you get what you got

her getting that poster of of his cock blown up being held like a in that in that horse hands yeah is a high point dude they'd find his dick in the field american policy they'd find his dick from the fucking satellite wait someone stole my penis. There it is. There it is, loud and proud, next to that scarecrow. I mean, my God, she has no shame. She's done it twice.

Dude, the glasses low on her nose, like, academically. She had a lab coat. If she had a lab coat on and, like a like a pointer it would have punched the numbers on the yaw of the shaft and it's more impressive we have consulted with a mathematician and a photographic expert and he has determined this penis is is to be seven and three quarters inches so i am subpoenaing hunter biden to have his penis hardened and measured to prove once and for all this is indeed his penis in the measured to prove once and for all that this is indeed his penis in the photograph. Man, she's got such Ron Perlman face. I don't like it.

Does she? It's hard to look at. She's straight and sexy. I find her very sexy. Oh my, come on. No, I like the other one. The one who was getting it on in the movie theater. Yes, she's the looker. I think she was a sugar baby that's what they say anyway that she was on seeking yeah oh yeah dirty dirty pervert isn't it funny when you look at lefty twitter they won't shut up about donald trump jr being a coke head and it's kind of a persona like he's he's got the square jaw and the white teeth he's like hey what she looks like a guy who does a lot of coke, but that's just the movie stereotype. And you're like, your guy is leaving coke at the White House. And your whole thing is like Donald Trump Jr.

probably does tons of coke. What? I mean, it seems like the coke is the drug of the successful man. Yeah, I get it. The Bidens are successful and cool. We get it, Gavin. They're just poking it up. I guess he didn't limit himself to cocaine.

He was also doing meth, which is very low. Are you sure? Are you sure? I thought I heard. Oh, no. Crack. Crack. Right.

I hear crack a lot. I don't know anything. Crack. You're doing meth. Yeah. Those are all birds of a feather and i'm not sure about the crack even though see i'm not sure about the crack or the meth now i i think that like his opponents will call him a crackhead you know just

because it's it's worse than call him a cokehead he was 60 minutes talking about snorting uh burning parmesan cheese that he thought was pieces of crack he's very about his love of crack dude i tried to google it the first headline i found is cocaine residue was found on biden's gun pouch why doesn't the right like him more why does biden wait what is what do you mean his gun pouch his gun i took it dude. I took it to mean a holster. Let me read on and see if... Anyone who calls a holster a gun pouch is a faggot. Is that correct?

You're getting straight over here. I was about to show you my brand new gun pouch. Eat your pistols and your gun pouches, boy. Like... Yeah. But no, if it's going to come out that you're doing uppers eat your pistols and your gun pouches like yeah but no if it's going to come out that you're doing uppers in the White House

and with prostitutes it better be cocaine because that seems kind of cool meth and crack seems very nice alright there you go he's asleep that's literally a picture of Hunter Biden with a crack pipe in his mouth I see Hunter Biden with a crack pipe in his mouth passed out wow he's sick and he's getting his temperature red and that's where your

head goes are you a liberal you're a liberal taylor weird okay do you know how fucking coked up you need to be to be like half a container of parmesan into smoking it before you're like ah this isn't drugs fuck oh man no wonder it smells so delicious in here i was talking to anthony kumia about his drug days recently and he was like yeah crack is for blacks he but he used to yeah he loves that word he was like no no we would me my brother would free base and i'm like i've heard like that's how richard pryor burst into flames and killed john belushi but i don't really know what it is is it just heroin and coke together and he goes no moron you you it's a really involved process but you like get ether and you put

cocaine in it and there's some sort of chemical process where it separates i think what you're essentially doing is de-cutting the coke and then you scrape the bottom like where the ether is separated whatever cut it with the pure coke and then you get that out and then you i think smoke that and you're smoking pure cocaine. I'm sure there's a lot of coke heads right now going, no, you fucking it is. Right, right. They're passed out. No, they're certainly not.

They don't make it this deep in the show. They're not off. Yeah, I have no idea what the mechanism by which freebasing works. I've never tried that. Have you guys ever done uncut cocaine? No, I've probably only done crappy cocaine. If it makes you think of a nail salon, you're not doing good cocaine.

I remember the post-nasal drip tasting terrible and being like, oh, this probably isn't. It's probably a lot of baby powder in there. If your mouth goes numb, you're okay. Or what is it what do they cut it with laxative powder isn't that it yeah yeah baby laxative yeah so like if you have to shit after you do cocaine it's because you just got you'd have to do so much cocaine to have to take a shit like you'd have to be doing but it's really i have very little cocaine experience so i don't know on the toilet because i knew it

was about to be a mega blast but we would go to this this bar called blue and we do shitty coke back in the early aughts and uh you do a bump and you'd have to run to the bathroom and evacuate your bowels and uh my buddy dan he got so used to it it was thursday nights uh and blue that on his way there his body would have this pavlovian effect where it knew it was about to do coke so he wouldn't do the coke go into the door and run to the bathroom and shit his guts out like because the the body was like oh this is the time when we have explosive diarrhea interesting yeah his body acclimated to the drug to the bad quality drugs his body knew what time was you know what he said once god i miss partying with that guy he's in aa now everyone i've ever heard dead or in na or a winter

one time he walked into the bar i actually bumped into the barmaid at keen steakhouse last night in new york city and she reminded me of this one time he walked into the bar it I actually bumped into the barmaid at Keene's Steakhouse last night in New York City. And she reminded me of this. One time he walked into the bar. It was freezing snowy night. It seems like it was snowier in New York back then. We haven't had snow this year, but it's freezing cold. He whips open the door and he goes, My God! It's colder than a

dead slave's eyes out there! The whole bar was just like... The record scratched oh my god not even a saying like just great thing but you'll never get a chance to use it because there's no environment where people will be like good one that was funny i get it maybe we've become too weeded up as a culture and we need to get coked up again.

Absolutely. Well, every time I hear music that's like that 80s music, like go up and party on the family zone, dude, or disco or sign the family stone. I'm just like everyone involved in this song was on cocaine. The engineers, the record producers, the bassist,

like a hundred percent of the people that put this song on the airwaves were fucked out of their mind on cocaine. Even the, even the metal like free will burning by Judas priest and like shout at the or even the, what was the one before that, Too Fast for Love or whatever, Motley Crue. You're just like, I'm listening to cocaine. Yeah. All those stock market guys. The whole economy ran on cocaine in the 80s.

Yeah, it would be better if we switched from weed to cocaine. I think Taylor's plan would increase the GDP. If we were to get rid of weed and switch to cocaine. think i think a lot more stuff gets done yeah right people are too happy with themselves with music so it made a lot of crap music the 80s but in finance you want to be bullish so yeah it made a lot of guys take some big risks and when i think when trump says make america great again he means make america those 80s coke days again like with wallets and wraparound shades and jet skis that's if you asked him when america was best he would probably go back to those days it would probably be like the first half of wall street or something yeah like 1983 and he would be correct

i wasn't around for 83. Never got to experience that. What was it like? I was 10 and I, oh, I'll tell you what it was like. At first, fluorescents were in style. So we all had our parachute pants and fluorescent clothing. And then camouflage got into style. But those of us at the tip of the spear had a hunter's camouflage. When they mixed fluorescent orange with camo, that's style.

Welcome to 1983. This notable thing about the early 80s up to mid 80s was nerds got wedgies. Yeah, that's different now that made them invent stuff like computers and now they're trans and they have these butthole eyes that are all brown around they have the scraggly joey ramone hair and like a cheap dress and they're like yeah i like no one respects me as a woman so i'm suing this restaurant and you're just like we gotta fucking wedgie you guys again man this is not working out you think we've got way too little bullying and we need to up the book and you know

what's gonna up bullying is cocaine you know people are gonna be all amped up and be like i'm not gonna sit to myself like some pothead. I'm about to critique. I'm about to go to PCP or something. I think meth has a better track record than any other drug. If you look at if you're in favor of bullying. No, just success. Really? Just a real winning spirit. Team efforts

in general are fueled by meth. They did lose. Blitzkrieg was fueled by methamphetamine. Yeah, but everyone beats french and more all of our pilots have that meth pill in their like crash gear you know get them going it's big in the south i was in the south recently and i was exhausted and drunk at like 1 30 a.m like i gotta pack it in i wonder how everyone else in this bar is doing. And I look around and it's just. Bug-eyed alert.

Every single person in the bar, teachers, middle-aged people, young people, old people, they all had golf balls for eyes. And I realized, holy fuck, this whole town's on meth. It's like there's a down there. The poor parts of the South, particularly like the mountains of Tennessee and North Georgiaia where bootlegging back in the in prohibition times was a thing and even later on inexplicably um they do meth now because they have those places that they used to hide stills now they hide meth labs and they're way up in some shitty mountain that nobody goes in a town with 500 people in it and so they have like task forces and squads that have to oh dude helicopter shit and aircraft shit it's crazy here in missouri meth is like a like a sport

like we have the greatest meth heads as far as the uh not great in their scale they're very unpleasant they're violent i'll give you that as long as you let atlanta have the best black people because we're they're the majority here i i looked up the demographics of your hometown you're still leading the way not here you're still i'm in atlanta he's in atlanta but he's not in a high quality city like st louis like the cultural hub of missouri cities need a nuclear bomb. Atlanta had 1,200 squatters who have taken over, not abandoned homes, your home. Like, you go away on vacation, you come back and a squatter is there. 1,200 homes squatted in Atlanta. Yeah.

I watch police videos, and far too often, they're in Atlanta, Georgia. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Every single time. There's so much crime here. I enjoy it. It's the spice of life when you drive around and see wild shit happening. I know Taylor likes to stand on this St. Louis is scary shit, but

I promise you. We're going to be a better city than Atlanta in a hundred years, maybe. We'll see how the next Civil War goes. We're an embarrassing city. I hate that. We got a Stanley Cup in 2019. We're riding on that.

St. Louis? Yeah, St. Louis. Yeah, that's just a Uyghur hellhole. That makes me think of something that was never discovered. Gavin, I wanted to ask you what you thought about tucker carlson interviewing vladimir putin i thought it was fucking awesome let a thousand flowers bloom as mal would say i thought it was great too that he did

he did it a while ago and then he's back he's been back and all these dumb dnc people like he's a traitor we need to stop him from coming back and you're like he's fly fishing in maine morons it did occur to him that this would blow up so he's already returned when the the interview airs you clearly but shouldn't everyone interview everyone like i would want to interview hitler so here's my thought so i thought i thought that's where you would stand and at first i i had this this i thought maybe we shouldn't give a mouthpiece to this guy and i even went to hitler you know would we want to put hitler on cnn but i guess that comes from a place where I think the average person is so stupid that they could be fooled by someone as charismatic

as a Hitler. So maybe we don't want them to see Hitlers. But no, no. This is the gun guy. He can't tell us apart. I'm the only one he hasn't called gay yet.

Let me finish my thought. But then i thought yeah no i don't want anybody deciding who i can hear from i don't want anybody deciding that i can't hear this guy's take on on whatever i'm probably going to disagree with it but i'm going to listen to it i haven't watched the interview i didn't know it was up to be seen yet but but i am fascinated i'm gonna watch it uh and i'm glad it happened, I guess, because I want to hear what he says. And I'm I've seen Vladimir Putin's Russian interviews. I hate Putin. I hate Zelensky. But, you know, I want the most information possible. I think Putin here's my theory on Putin. I think he is a born again Christian.

Basically, he's very Christian and he sees us as demonic and satanic. And we've lost our way with our trans kids and all that so he wants to destroy us and he's not going to do that with a war he wants to destroy us from within so he funds you know he's like this he's just he's another soros and i think he funds hamas i think he funds antifa i think he funds a lot of things that destroy the west but i want to hear from him and i don't want to talk about that. I'm the liberal guy that you hate. I don't mind Tucker. I bet you, I don't mind Putin being interviewed that I like, right. I'd like to hear what Putin says.

I'd like him to be interviewed by somebody who interviewed him critically. Right. I fear it's going to go like this. Tucker will be like, Hey, why did you invade Ukraine? And he'll be like, because we're the good guys and Ukraine is Nazis. Tucker will be like, hey, why did you invade Ukraine? And he'll be like, because we're the good guys and Ukraine is Nazis. Tucker will say, why isn't the mainstream media telling us about this? Right? That's bad. That's bad.

Why is it bad? Because I don't think he really invaded Ukraine to rid it of Nazis. I don't think that was his motivation. But if someone just uncritically interviews him and amplifies and agrees with everything he says, then they're doing a poor job. So let's wait and see the interview. But, you know, if he makes it's happening right now, isn't it airing right now? I don't know. I assume if he but I want Americans to to not want to get involved in this war.

Like, I don't want any money or troops going to Israel. I don't want any money or troops going to Israel. I don't want any money or troops going to Ukraine. So I want them to at least see nuance and be like, okay, it sounds like Slensky and Putin both should fuck off. Like I remember when, what's his name? Khrushchev. No, Kissinger. During the Iran-Iraq war, they said, who do you think is going to win?

And he goes, can't they both lose? Like, fuck them all. Fuck Moss, fuck Israel, fuck Ukraine, fuck Russia. So, yeah, let's you know what's weird? This just popped up my ass, but if

Putin is humanized, right? Maybe the average American is going to be like, oh, okay, so I can see Zelensky and Putin's side, I guess. Can we stop throwing our money over there? Like, let them work it out. It will seem reasonable. Yeah, I also don't want us funding all of this nonsense overseas.

That's one of the positions I hold. The numbers are insane. Remember three years ago when someone said 100 billion it was like the craziest number you've ever heard we all of us grew up going grew up going one i couldn't believe it what if i one day become a millionaire isn't that the most money you've ever thought of weren't we adorable right 100 billion sent to some country. $100 billion and $1,300,000,000,000,000,000.

That's a lot. That's like how I invented numbers in second grade. A million, a zillion, a trillion. He's taking that context, Taylor. He was talking about the distance to the sun. They said, President Biden, what is your favorite made-up number? And he probably a million billion trillion will be my favorite uh what do you think the biggest number was when you were seven can't you just shut up your dog face ponies already

eric adams asked for 100 billion he's I need a hundred billion to run New York. What there's like, there's 7 million people in Manhattan. That's like $30,000 per person. What the fuck are you talking about? But you know, now he wants more. Now he's talking about hundreds of billions because of all these migrants coming in. Yeah. I love that.

By the way, the busing of the migrants to the sanctuary cities is the funniest like it's it's like put your money where your mouth is motherfuckers how do you like it when when there's really a put money where there's human waste piling up on your on your sidewalks and and the smell is getting to you and your district attorney is getting her car broken into like you don't like it either do you where'd they come from we don't know south america ask them rob they broke into my garage and my neighbors were like what happened i go this is you i hate my neighbors open borders you got it it's the chickens have come home to roost and i don't like having my garage emptied of guard they took a bunch of stupid shit, too, like $30 skis and a case I have of nuts and bolts.

But I'm like, it should arrive. The chickens should come home to Chicago and New York and Seattle. All of these northerners that are pro-Texas getting inundated and pro-Arizona and pro- texas getting inundated and pro arizona and pro california getting inundated no let's let these sanctuary cities actually experience what sanctuary means and in chicago they're telling the kid they're telling the parents you have to keep your kids at home and do zoom classes because we're using your school to house migrants and it's like are you crazy the public school that my tax dollars pay for like you're telling me oh we're back to covid like zoom classes again even though my our kids

can't fucking read wait are you serious because there's yeah because migrants need need to be housed at the school that's ridiculous so and that's in chicago it's probably happening in other places if it's i just i i saw crowds crowds of people at some sort of school board meeting shouting. I think the border thing is going to be more of an issue because Biden is seemingly trying to fix it.

It seems like... It doesn't seem like it to me. It seems like they're baking a lot of foreign aid into those... Well, sure. Everybody had to agree and both sides wanted stuff. While Gavin's gone, let's do a couple of. Before we do that, I looked into the school thing. It's true, but the school was already closed.

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Boom. Do you have big cums, Gavin? Yeah, because I don't beat off so you know i mean it's finally he saves up arcing ropes of jizz oh my god that's solid that's all we like to hear you could always be coming a little more we got to send you some lock and load you'll burst okay my burst yeah And look at that, Anthony. That's an unedited photograph of you and Anthony working out. You and Anthony do a show together, right? Yeah, just that previous

photo, sometimes the way photos are presented, those pants, the shorts I'm wearing are actually turquoise. Yeah, I can tell. I don't know why or whose screen that is or what it is but it's it's portraying my shorts as a slightly different shade they're not the nafro

that's what am i seeing it was it was more plates more dates but stuck on his head how long have you uh have you known Anthony? He's been on our show a bunch of times, and I'm like the biggest old Opie and Anthony fan from back in the day. I think it's the funniest show of all time. I met him right after he got kicked off of Sirius. That was about 10 years ago. And, dude, I didn't grow up with Opie and Anthony

because I was in Canada when that show was big yeah and i i just saw on youtube him laughing at african aviation and like when they build a helicopter well the zimbabwe helicopter yes dude that's one of the funniest fucking video if video and a shout out to that youtube channel they take all the old bits like the one gavin's describing and they put it to the video they're discussing it's hysterical that's that's where you also can find retard cooking i'd never seen anyone mock that before and it's it's the elephant in the room like when you see it you go that's embarrassing and there's no way that could ever fly you fucking idiots and everyone's like yeah that's a great helicopter try again maybe get i'm stuck gavin because like so i looked at it through that lens for a while

which is like this guy is the biggest moron to have ever moroned that will never fly that is a picture a model of a helicopter it's not a helicopter and then i was like maybe i'm the idiot maybe he's playing a prank on people like me that think he thinks this is a real helicopter. I think he was. Yeah, I think you're giving too much credit. Way too much credit. So he was serious. Merrill Howard Kalin, also not retarded.

He was just putting that. He was pretending when he cooked those. One video. He was just pretending when he cooked those. One video. If you look up African like homemade planes and helicopters, there's a dozen and none of them make it this far off the ground. That African, the African guy sitting there is like he's like he's like six foot ten. He's got a badly painted red circle on his yellow bicycle helmet. And I am partially in this video convinced that the interviewer guy is trolling because his intro is like,

for too long Zimbabweans have lagged behind aviation on a global scale. Until now. Introducing Flight Lieutenant Adam Mugumbay. I can't tell if he's kidding or not, that guy. I've watched that video 900 times and I'm like, have you brainwashed yourself? What's going on?

When I saw those, I was like, holy shit, someone is finally identifying the elephant in the room and laughing. When I met him, we did Red Eye together and finally identifying the elephant in the room and laughing. In a bagel. Zach is killing it. When I met him, we did red-eye together, and we went out for drinks after. He was carrying at the time.

He was allowed to have guns in New York. And he said, one of the first sentences he ever said to me was, when did it become so offensive to tell the truth? And I fell madly in love head over heels at that moment but dude old men are a hard court you can't just like you gotta it's like

fucking Eva Mendez like you gotta beers and because they already have their friends they're not looking for new pals so it took me like five years to get in his pants, basically. What's up, nigga? Dude, he's, oh my God.

Old Opie and Anthony clips, when him and Jimmy are banging on all cylinders, throwing it back and forth, make me laugh more than probably any comedy content I've watched. Old Jim and Ant in their prime. And take a call or say, what about slavery? And even with just the audio, you can see Ant and Jim go. Oh, yeah.

Opie. I was like a big R slash Opie and Anthony, the Reddit community. I didn't ever you know participate or contribute but i was a big time lurker for many years and my god the amount those people hated every single person ever even semi-affiliated with the opie and anthony show other than colin quinn was one of the funniest funniest forums of all time it would be like the only people who didn't get bullied all the time were colin quinn and patrice O'Neill who was long dead by that point. Like everyone else.

They always hate ONA kind of invented the whole doxing, stalking, ruining of lives that Antifa and the far left have picked up and it ended up sabotaging Anthony's life not in a big way but Joe

Cumia was having all his shows canceled. And that was kind of their thing. Yeah. They were, even at that time, when you could get away with more stuff, they were hyper offensive. I was like driving a rental car in 2014 because I worked at a rental place, not on leisure. I was working at Enterprise, driving that shit around.

And I remember in 2014 sitting there hating myself, hating my life, no prospects. The only thing that kind of kept me going was like, at least I could listen to the Opie and Anthony channel on the Free Sirius XM in this 2013 Hyundai Accent. And then Opie and Jim came on and were like, bad news. Anthony's been let go. And I'm like, all right, when does the bit end? And I was like, actually upset by that. That was the first bit of media cancellation where I was like, no, no.

I think not that getting fired, but didn't ONA invent like cancel culture? I know this sounds like I'm shitting. What they did, it was called jocktober and they would spend all of october every year clipping other radio shows and like ruthlessly making fun of them and sometimes it would be like hey get a load of this big fat bitch in uh market number 103 in kentucky and so that person has like 65 regular listeners and then opie and anthony which was at the time the second show to howard stern is about of listeners with comedy, was making fun of them. And so, yeah, definitely a little.

Yeah, there we go. God, there we go. Terry, listen to the Terry Clifford tapes. They're very funny. And in the end, Terry Clifford got a little W because someone like it was after Anthony had got fired from the series exam that someone like wrote into like Terry Clifford show and was like, what do you think about Anthony getting fired? And she was like, oh, really? That's a damn shame. And I just kept going along.

OK, that was pretty fucking funny. It takes a lot to roll with those punches. But you can always judge someone's merit by what they do after the thing. And Opie was clearly being held up by Sirius. He's done nothing after he left. Anthony was clearly, you know, paying his bills. He was an important part of that show because after he leaves, he makes his own thing.

And I wouldn't have this kind of platform if it wasn't for Anthony. So he's kicked, he's kicked out of project Veritas. Oh my God. He must be a horrible guy. What happens to project Veritas after he leaves? It collapses immediately. And James O'Keefe was kicking ass today. Today he released a video where he went to one of these migrant centers dressed as a bum and uh exposed them all for for bringing in busloads and busloads of illegal immigrants

while they're while they're prosecuting him for trespassing and at one point in the video that came out today the detective is like you need to get out of here. And as he's talking, a bus full of illegals goes behind him. Like couldn't be more perfect. So clearly you kicked out the wrong guy. Or Shane Gillis is another great example that you're a fucking racist piece of shit. If you go up as a writer at SNL, we're all going down. I'm not going to let that happen. You stupid idiot, David Duke monster.

And what does he do? Just destroy. Like he fucking kills. Yeah. When was the YouTube special? Because he's genuinely talented. He had to self like publish a YouTube special. And that went crazy.

That's he literally pulled himself up by his bootstraps. People want to make it like it's Joe. Like he's one of Joe Rogan's guys. That's not the case. He went on Joe Rogan because he was so famous and popular that Joe wanted him as a guest. Joe wasn't there to help him when he was fucked a few years ago. He had to self put out his own special.

It did millions and millions of views. And then he got that Netflix deal. And that special is even better. That special is the one with the Navy SEALs, Fuck My Girlfriend and all that shit. I didn't know the backstory. i saw him from the netflix special i think that's where maybe i saw him first and then rogan yeah they they hired him at snl and then immediately fired him after some of his older work came up that they didn't like racist or transphobic or

whatever they wanted to call it he did a sketch about a fireman who rescues this mexican family in the east village or no in in oh fuck was harrison pennsylvania or something like that and uh then he uses the wrong word like he says guatemalan instead of yeah and it keeps getting worse for this guy and then this investigative crew has a picture of him with a MAGA hat. And he goes from hero at the beginning of the sketch to this racist villain. And it was like a magic. It was like God. He had soot on him. He just pulled children from a fire.

He's the hero. He's catching his breath. We're here with the hero cop. And slowly it devolves when we find out he's conservative too. And you know what's crazy about that? The fire department that he was representing in that sketch had a proud boy in it. This is afterwards. Afterwards.

Haverford. And the local politicians say, well, you have to get rid of him. And they go, no, he's a great guy. I don't care what no he's a great guy i don't care what club he's in and uh if if you want us to get rid of him well then we'll all quit and then the local municipal council goes okay then we're shutting down the firehouse so they shut down the firehouse because the captain of haverford pennsylvania was in the proud boys and that was what shane gillis's sketch was and in was what Shane Gillis's sketch was.

And in Shane Gillis's sketch, it's the same firehouse, but Shane Gillis, this controversy. So it's like the guy is so in tune with the zeitgeist that is prophetic prophecies. I tried to look forward to what Shane Gillis did. Do you guys know what he actually did?

I, I saw two things. One, he did an accent and mispronounced noodles. He said noodles. Right? Yeah, right. That's nothing. And the other, they said he used an anti-Asian slur.

And I don't know what it might have been. Well, you know the Asian slurs, though. The one that rhymes with spank? Kook? I don't know. know the asian slurs though the one that rhymes with spank come on i bet you got a whole list come back come back what is your favorite anti-asian slur that you've heard uh zipper head zipper i was going to use that one next is that koreans that's koreans right or slant i don't i'm not sure actually i think i think bags so it would be uh it would be the vietnam war see i thought interesting i thought it was an eye thing no i thought it was uh i thought

clint eastwood called those koreans zipper heads because was i thought he had been in korea in gran torino i thought that was his war a lot of korean war insults were holdovers from vietnam interesting that makes sense know that yeah i guess yeah you're gonna read you're gonna reuse some of those that makes sense korean war was first right yes yeah yeah in korean when you say i am gook it means i'm korean and so they called them gooks but uh in vietnam they kept that so they called the vietnamese gooks too really ah and then it just kind of spread and now it's just a catch-all that's the beauty of racial epithets they're inaccurate that's why i like them like oh yeah call someone from india a packy you're just like i don't care i saw said Ching. I saw it right

there. Some of the funniest racism I've seen online is like a Japanese guy and a Vietnamese guy at each other's throats. Like, no, you are inferior. And they'll be like, fuck you.

You suck. They have old beefs, in 1419 do you know the koreans were enslaving their neighbors for generations they that's there are they like bragging about that still like we oh well i don't think they brag about it i'm just letting you know they might have some legitimate beef over there we don't know about yeah dude another good like racist battle to see on twitter is like africans and african americans battling it out they don't care for one another sometimes they do not care for one another no i had nigerian friends dude i i when i worked with that that nigerian guy and that guy from somalia they did not like americans you know black americans

liberals are so isolated that they they don't know af so isolated that they don't know Africans and they don't know blacks. So they come up with dumb phrases like African-Americans, like anyone from Kenya doesn't hate every black person in Brooklyn. And they're like, you're colored and I love you. And they're like, no, they hate each other. Everything is b Balkanized. Like the Scots hate the English, hate the Irish, hate the Spanish.

Germany and Spain hates each other's guts. This whole idea of like white power, white supremacy. The Spanish fascists hate British fascists. There's no unity in it. Canada hates America. America doesn't even think of Canada. That's true. They're kind of a side note. We mostly feel bad for you lately.

I'm like, Canada hates America? I didn't know that. Yeah, we root for you, but lately we feel like it's not going well over there. That guy who's in charge, I keep hearing that he might be related to Castro. Castro's kid, yeah. Zoolander? He does kind of look like that. He's a Zoolander prime minister, and he is Fidel Castro's son.

Or Quebec hates Canada. Upstate New York hates New York City, and that's why they wave Confederate flags. That doesn't mean like, I hope the South rises again. Confederate flags in upstate New York means, yo, they have the same accent as new yorkers they're like yo i fucking hate manhattan don't i know i'm from new york i want you to know that manhattan and the five boroughs can fucking sink into the sea i'm up here in fucking buffalo

and those guys are fags zach is from around, and he said that's very true just now. Yeah, they don't like. So this idea that there's like racial cohesion, not really. Now, what do you think about the proposition of another civil war? It's kind of wild that Texas is doing their own thing, not taking down the wire. And I keep seeing where various states are sending units that they have under their control state guard units state patrol units border units that they have they have all sorts of fiefdoms under their control but they're sending token units

at the very least governors from those steps are supporting i saw i saw um governors but i also saw maybe like a police captain or something who was like, we're sending Pete and little Dave to the border. It reminded me of that Progo. These are pro-Texas people, not federal. Yeah, it reminded me of that Progozhen video in Ukraine. He was the Wagner head when he had those two grunts. And he's like, we just took Bakhmut fucking Sergei and Dimitri here

they were spearheading the operation as these two knuckleheads who were clearly like I don't want to be on global television this is bad for me this is so bad for me and my potato farm they're roasting me on twitter I am getting absolutely

butt fucked by black twitter right now they are going in on my dirty shoes no i'm i'm i'm i don't think there could be a real civil war but i think that there could be a lot of disquiet like i what i worry is there's some little sparking off moment where federal troops go and they start tearing down wire and state troops say not a step further and like what do they shoot at each other at some point would they i don't know now i don't i think there's two separate things here there's there's going down to the border because america's had enough of this incompetent president and our poorest borders.

So they're taking the law into their own hands, which is good. But as far as like America and a civil war, it's already happened. We had a national divorce and we're not talking to each other's families are split. And there's two Americasicas there's there's right and left and we'll never reconcile like it's and i like the analogy of divorce because sometimes i like to joke with divorce couples and i'll be like oh i heard that you uh dropped off your kids with sandra and you stayed and had a beer and he goes uh yeah i had to because my my son had to clean out his shit from the car and i I go, so are there some sparks? Are we rekindling?

And every time I do that joke, the other person always goes, like, there's no fucking way they are ever going back with her. And I feel that way about this divorce. There's the people that would enjoy this podcast. And then there's the people that would say it's evil. And there seems to be no in-between anymore. So I think we realized in the first Civil War that there's too many bodies when we fight each other. And now it's just like, all right, let's agree to disagree and quietly separate. And soon it's going to be geographic.

So, like, I live in a very liberal community And no one wants me there And no other mega people are ever going to move Into my neighborhood and I'm moving out as soon as The kids go to college and soon That area will be a Shitty fucking liberal hellhole With crappy schools

Because they base it on affirmative action And I'll move to the south Like South Carolina where everyone is normal and good moving to south carolina for the good schools well i won't you want to go to north carolina for that but colorado is the place right with the with the the interest interesting demographics i guess i'll i'll phrase it that way i if I was going to go somewhere, it'd be Colorado. I've got too much family down here in the South, but man, I hate the fucking obnoxiously humid summers.

I've had enough of those. Yeah. I can't go that far South. I need to be like, if I'm going to go to South Carolina, I'll get up in the mountains, but heat is AIDS to me. I fucking cannot handle it.

I'm racist towards heat. I mean, Southern California has the good weather, but it takes a lot of money to have a good life in Southern. If you want to live in San Diego, which might have the best weather, $3 million does not give you a good life there.

What is real estate like there? What does a house even look like when you spend... Let's say you spend $1.5 million on a house. What is a San Diego abode that costs $1.5 million? Zach, show me. I bet in Georgia... And again, I'm from down here. But in the suburbs of Atlanta,

or if you go a little further out into the country, a half-million-dollar house is a fucking mansion. It is a mansion. It is a three-story estate that's 8 000 square feet it is nice it and there's property around it for half a million i bet san diego you might not even be in a real fucking house for a million and a half i'm sure you can find a townhouse at half a million yeah that's where i'm That sucks. Does that have a house on it? What are we looking at?

What are we buying? Exactly. Two bedroom, two bed. That looks like a motel, dude. 800 square feet, if I'm reading it at my screen. I get a motel room there? Yeah. Yeah, that's rough, man. I was following Anthony to Greenville, South Carolina,

and I looked at a bunch of real estate there. A reasonable house for a family of three was $700 to a million. Really? Because all the New Yorkers are moving down there, and they totally fucked. And you would look up Zillow, and it would be like, this house was bought for $600,000, and now it's for sale for a mil? Damn. And you said that was Greenville?

Yeah. Okay. I don't know Greenville. It's 1.5 million yeah i'm not not a fan of that yeah i don't know it depends what kind of weather you like too i i like do you like good weather i think san diego is not the hot that you hate it's like a dry 75 to 85 all the time i kind of like dreary fucking overcast days, if I'm being honest. I like it to be kind of chilly. I want to be able to wear a jacket or an extra layer. I want to wear long pants and leather shoes.

You're the guy who likes Buffalo. You don't wear short pants? No, no, no. I don't want to be in the fucking Arctic with raw dick and some townie like Zach. Sorry, Zach. You just said where are you living right now? I'm in Atlanta.

Oh, so it's just a fucking oven. Yeah, in the summer it's obnoxiously fucking hot. It's super humid. That's the main thing. And in the winter it gets down to 48, right? No, it gets down to 48 right no it gets you know it at night it gets fucking freezing fucking cold it's just not your real deal cold like you get in the

midwest i bet everybody above you would laugh at your cold and the people above them laugh at their fucking cold cold is cold people freeze to death here maybe not as much as they do when you're fitting all filled wasteland three Three fucking Chiefs fans died in a backyard high on Fentanyl and some other drug cocktail. They froze to death in a backyard. It's going down to 45 tonight.

Getting brisk. It's February. Fentanyl overdoses are part of our Midwest culture, and I will not have you insulted. 45 to 50 is perfect weather. No. No, that's too chilly for perfect weather.

You want mid-70s. You want T-shirt weather. 45 to 50 is a good low. You know what happens in mid-70s? You're wearing pants, your legs sweat, and now you have wet legs. What is worse than wet legs are shorts gay because that might be kind of gay we're short i feel like our complexion isn't made for those bright sunny

southern days either like we're made to be more of a northern uh hemisphere people more of a caucus region people so i want to go to that the exact um um area of the planet where we we derive from so you're gonna get beat up by some serbian uh we're not from serbia we're definitely from from some sort of nordic uh uh um um background right like you think so we we've done the taylor and i we've done our genealogy we've got our blood is pure taylor yeah yeah i did my my oh i don't know i didn't send in the test but my brother we were in harry potter in the harry Potter world, we'd be snooty as fuck. I promise you. We'd be like, oh, 1%, huh? Not a drop of mudblood in us.

That's what they say in Harry Potter. That's not racist. Deep dive. I don't know about the mudblood part but yeah according to chiz having italian ancestry is is mudblood i'm gonna be honest whenever i see your curly hair i think i'm like i'm sensing a little miscegenation just just just just you know yeah but it equaled out because the accutane totally bleached my skin oh that's right you're a fucking day walker you're not even a real white do you know how much do you know how much darker my my younger brother's skin is than me in the summer he gets like more like

olive i'm you're a day walker i'm pale i burn i'm tender to the sun i'm like gavin scottish made you permanently whiter yeah yes like i burn in the sun like acc'm like, I haven't made you permanently whiter. Yeah. Yes. Like I burn in the sun. Like Accutane has a shit ton of problems that they didn't all know about when I was in middle school and I got on it. So there are other cultures that highly value lighter skin. I'm thinking of India.

I worked in it. Gavin doesn't know this, but I worked in with computers and it for a long time. And that means I work with a lot of indians and those guys are just putting creams on to like bleach their skin or even just like the opposite of a bronzer you know white people everyone knows that dude you don't know i just told i just like wait i never heard of that. Yeah. I'm always like that. What other times have I done that? Indians have whitening cream. And yes, the caste system in Africa is the same.

The lighter the skin, even in America, we quietly value lighter skin blacks more than dark skin blacks, which is why the Cosby show had all these mulattoes on it. Cause people found Mochaccino Mochaccino more palatable, but yeah, that's a global black people in America value lighter skin. Like there's a whole diversion between dark skin, black people and light skin, black people where they treat, they treat the other side like a certain way.

Like I've heard them be like, somebody with my skin tone, of course you treat me that way. It's like, wow. Every little bit. Yeah. Yeah. You see that?

I didn't realize that was a phenomenon until a few years ago, and I saw some black Twitter account very in a deriding, insulting way said, he light skin and it was like what it's like they call him yellow light skin was the insult i expected the opposite i've seen why people fuss because other people are dark but then i'm sure the other person would insult them that way they're like there was like bickering i used to what the guy i started

vice with was pakistani and we had a place in place in Costa Rica and he would come back from there and he'd be much darker. And his mother was like, Saroosh, what are you doing? You are so dark. I told you to use sunscreen when we are down there. What the fuck, buddy? Bloody, bloody fucker. Mother. Gavin, I'm fascinated by the story of Vice.

I don't know it. But Vice, I think of as a left, kind of like a liberal news source. Am I on target with that currently? Who's fucking right now? The liberal dude. Yeah. So Vice. The guy doesn't know anything.

Yeah, yeah. I'm asking. The guy who hasn't heard of anything. Jesus, fuck, Gavin. Answer the question, you shit fuck. What was the question? On Vice, when you started that and then you left it, can you tell the story of how that evolved?

I'm curious. I think it might be a good story. Are we going to go put on a pot of coffee and spend the next six hours? I don't know how to make this story short oh okay sarush was a junkie he had a revelation where allah told him he's gonna stop doing heroin and start something new uh he got that in rehab about a week after this corrupt group of ha Haitian hustlers called image intercultural, intercultural images said, Hey, we're starting a cultural newspaper like village voice that we hand out to

people. And it's just going to have like all the multicultural events at the time. So you say there's a Polish parade on Thursday, sort of like a calendar for multiculturalism. And he goes, OK, I'll I'll do that. And you have to sell ads. And it's the money we got for this is a make work program for people on welfare. So you have to go on welfare. So he said, no problem.

So you got on welfare. Then they got him that program to get him off welfare. And he hadn't put out an issue yet. And he goes, I need a staff so i was a cartoonist at the time and he said to me do you want to do cartoons for this new newspaper we knew some of the same people and i go sure yeah i'll do a comic strip and he goes actually can you just be the editor like wait i don't know what i'm doing here and i said okay and then he goes you have to be on welfare how do i and i go. So I went to the welfare office cross-eyed, which if you're on welfare, you have to go in cross-eyed.

And you're like, hi, I'm having some trouble figuring my life out and I would need some welfare to have in my body. OK. To getting on welfare is you fill out the forms with your left hand. So all the writing is fucked up so i did all that i got on like that i think the woman gave me a hundred bucks too she was like hold on you look like you could use a hot meal you're obviously incompetent and i'm like i'm hustling you bitch and then uh so we got off welfare with the program and then uh we decided we're not doing multiculturalism that's gay and boring we'll just make it like a skate punk fanzine thing and write

about bands we like and you know dumb shit and make up stuff i had no experience in journalism so i would just write things like my first cd review was uh this album's pretty good like the first song is like and i'm writing i interviewed a potato i interviewed god um and then we they they wouldn't let us expand we want to get more ads we want to do stuff with this and they didn't care that we didn't do the multicultural thing because people seemed to like it. So they never bothered us. But we go, we want to mail out copies to advertisers. And they go, no. So I hired my childhood friend, Shane Smith.

He came on board and he's like, dude, this is a scam. You're the golden goose for them. And they're not investing in the company because they don't want to expand. And he goes, you know, we should do, we should say, either give us the money to send out copies so we can get real ads. We were called the voice of Montreal by the way, back then, or we quit. And then I was telling my buddy Marcus, who I started this tree planting company with. No, I was his employee.

He started the company, but we worked together. I was a foreman with him. Tree planting is big with students in Northern Ontario. and i told him about the ultimatum and he goes why give them an ultimatum just leave change the name and then i told my dad that idea and he goes i've got it you change the name to voce it's italian for vice for voice and i'm like that's the gayest idea i'll just drop the o and call it vice so we didn't give them an ultimatum we said we're leaving we changed the name so they couldn't sue us we were only like 24 at the time though so the law the haitian guy was like you gotta say haitians in in quebec are like the blacks there and they're all nerds and rich people because you can get out of haiti and make it to Canada. You're rich.

So he was just in a blazer and a scarf and he goes, my wife is a lawyer. I will sue you. So we said, okay, we'll pay you 35 grand over the course of, I think two years. And that to us was like the biggest number imaginable. And we could have just said, fuck off. But we were little kids and he scared us with the lawyer talk. we paid them off although a woman recently sued me for a billion dollars claiming that she worked there at voice of montreal and it was her idea and she wants a billion from me shane and saroosh cost me 40 grand in lawyer fees to tell her to fuck off by the way jesus christ

so we went solo and then we were solo for like the 95 to 99. I told you this was a big question. And there was this eccentric billionaire who discovered this CGI company called animal logic, I think. And he, he met them in Australia and he goes, you guys are going places I'm investing.

And then they ended up doing Jurassic park. So he made a bunch of money and he was famous in montreal richard sawinski was his name and so we would get interviewed and everyone was so incompetent in interviews that we just make up shit like shane and i said we're gay lovers and we said we were green berets and we would just whatever came to our heads we would tell them we started out actually advice was a jam company. And then we realized food has so many restrictions. We had a flyer that we released with the jam when we sold it every year. And the flyer became popular. All lies every day.

You're crossing your eyes just in case the welfare department. So Richard Sawinski says, no, it's changing right there. It said, yeah, Richard Sawinski, he's buying us and we're moving to New York. No, he's buying us. Sorry. And Richard Sawinski saw and he goes, I appreciate the hubris. He had like a nerdy voice and he goes, tell you what, if you could put together a one page business plan, I will invest. So we stayed up all night. We put together a business plan. We said we're worth a million bucks, I think. best. So we stayed up all night. We put together a business plan. We said we're worth a million bucks, I think. No, four million. So he paid us a million bucks, three, three, three each. And he said, look, if you're big in Montreal, you're big in Canada. You're big in New York.

You're big in the world. Let's move to New York. And we were like, yep. So in 98, we moved down to New York and it was going great then. And then we realized he's kind of selling a pyramid scheme and he doesn't have any money anymore. So Con Ed started coming by and like shutting shit off. And we realized we were flat broke by like 2001. And so we had a client there, Triple Five Soul. They kind of did rave wear. And we moved into their warehouse.

Like we were by boxes and boxes of coats and hats and shit. And we rebuilt the company from scratch. And that was like the vice, you know, and then we started getting into video around, you know, Oh three Oh four. And Shane was sick of being the sales around, you know, 03, 04. And Shane was sick of being the sales guy. You know, salesmen are not considered cool in our generation, Gen X. So he wanted to take over content.

And things started getting more and more frictiony with me and Shane. Sroosh was never really sort of, didn't have the balls to get involved in any conflict. So Shane and I just eventually became incompatible. I was out in 08 and then Shane became like Anderson Cooper news guy, which I always thought was gay. I'm not into fucking international news. And then he ran it for a while. And I think he got paranoid about various controversies he saw looming over

his head. And so he hired this incompetent cunt named Nancy DeBak from A&E. And she just ran it into the ground. They became they were they they were initially pretty woke after I left. But that was only because it pays the bills. So Shane loved the international news guy. And then the woke thing took over and then nancy that some chick took over the company and she had no idea what she's doing she's a stupid

bitch and uh they went bankrupt oh is vice bankrupt story is vice done is vice bankrupt now i'm confused i got a little loss at the end yeah they're toast they have no money oh is that like shitty to feel now like seeing kind of what was your baby or it's so far from it they now you don't care like i left at 08 so i feel nothing but i was mad i really wanted them to fail right after and people always say to me they're like hey they got you out and then they went broke and i'm like yeah i like that story because it makes me feel good but it's false they made hundreds of millions of dollars there was a peak in between there yeah so if they went bankrupt like james o'keefe it has the ideal scenario he gets ousted and they

go bankrupt within like a year that's that's what you're going for but no they did very well for a long ass fucking time without me damn that's interesting yeah when i heard you found advice because they're the vice that i know is kind of woke right so i was a little surprised that you founded it and i was like i want to hear how that went that's oh it was very unwoke and we did have liberal shit in there but we had right-wing shit and that's kind of the way the whole scene was back in the 90s and early aughts is and within punk too like yes there was definitely a leftist angle because it was all young people but you'd have a guy like tom hazelmeyer the head of amphetamine reptile records he uh he named his daughter reagan now if you named your daughter trump today like you you'd be excommunicated from the hipster crowd.

But back then it was like, oh, that's Tom and his crazy right wing stuff. Like I used to wear a shirt in 2000. It had an American flag and it just said speak English. And people like, oh, that's Gavin and his fucking immigration stuff and whatever. Like it was all we accepted the different sides, but it was, you know, around Trump when Scott Adams has a great tweet about this, that sort of solves it all where the, the, the myths were shattered and the radical left was exposed.

And all of a sudden you couldn't have any nuance as Jim Nortonorton says, you're either 100 percent with us or 100 percent against us. And with Trump, they said, all right, that's it. You know, we quit. It's a civil war. Yeah, Trump really did amplify it a huge amount, or at least the response to him did. You could argue which way. But I think I think Obama started the civil war by america is just as racist now as it was in the 50s and 40s and then what trump did is he said all right party's over no no no we're not doing this anymore america's not racist uh you're you suck you're incompetent we're going back to meritocracy we're going back to the 80s i don't like what obama's done to this country and that's when the nerds went insane because they'd been in control for so long and meritocracy is their worst nightmare because

you know they took speech pathology in college and the history of slavery and if none of that is relevant then their whole religion is irrelevant so they that's what trump derangement syndrome is if it's not Trump who is it let's say if Trump if Trump strokes that was a healthy one you ate well today if Trump strokes out at his next rally drops dead right there

who should run in his footsteps who should take up his mantle well Vivek would be his VP so I guess Vivek would move to the P spot the p spot i also think vivek is going to be vp oh is vivek like a front runner for vp absolutely he's on the list yeah i personally think he's going to choose a girl no thanks guy asking that no no i and suck my dick by the way no that was me i genuinely don't follow the politics shit as closely. I thought

Vivek was like... I thought he wasn't... I thought Vivek wasn't that popular. It rhymes with cake. They give me a hard time every time I pronounce it correctly. I'm the guy that doesn't know anything and I can pronounce Vivek. Yeah, Vivek. I have seen some

clips from him. I'm like, all right, I like that. I like that. I don't know if I like him that much. He's old as shit. And you need some of that young energy. And Vivek has that sort of bullish go for it attitude that you don't really see in Trump anymore. Yeah. I mean, who else would there be?

Like fucking Nikki Haley sucks. Nah, she burns bridges. Skeletons in her closet. That stupid bitch took all that money without telling any of her investors that she's had very public affairs, which means you don't get the female vote, which means you don't win. And then who else is there?

People talk about Tucker Carlson. I don't know. That's weird. I love Tucker. Consider him a friend friend there's no way tucker has an interest in kanye west trump and kanye west would legitimately win i think trump and the rock could win like talk about idiocracy rock the rock polls really well yeah has he ever said anything divisive ever been on the campaign trail though all the rock does is promote superhero movies and

and smile big and work out but if they had if they dug into his past and be like how were you acquiring those steroids for all those years and he's like oh i don't take any steroids are you telling us right here you don't use any performance enhancing drugs aren't you 52 sir you're as big as a bus where are you acquiring these illegal drugs where and how no one on earth would give a fuck finding out about the rock using steroids that would not be a gotcha look at him he clearly does everybody already knows that he denies it and he would continue to deny and you could use a jacked guy on the ticket with Trump. Somebody in between, like Chris Pratt, would be a story. Chris Pratt?

If Chris Pratt got caught... No, no, I'm not talking about VP. If Chris Pratt was accused of doing steroids, you'd be like, maybe. Or maybe he achieved that naturally. I'm not sure. But The Rock? Dude, stop lying.

Stallone got caught smuggling HGH into Australia one time. He was like, oh, I don't know. You could have been anyone. Someone planted HGH on me. Look at him. That's that chicken and broccoli diet. Once you start approaching 50, that just happens. You hit your second win there.

You hit your second puberty. Everyone knows about second puberty. everyone knows about second puberty yeah if there was going to be a if there was going to be a vp who wasn't politically minded like vivek the rock the rock would win i think kyle's right i think kanye and trump would win yeah the kanye's so i think you don't think so to win i know you a girl or a person of color. Ye said Hitler is cool. That's pretty much a deal breaker for votes. What if he went back? He's backed off that, hasn't he?

He's like, what I was saying was that my doctor happened to be Jewish. He said he was just recently about to do, I think maybe Bill Maher show or something like that. And they did a whole interview and Bill Maher tweeted, I'm not releasing the two hours I just did with Kanye. At the conclusion, I decided that he is a very, very charismatic anti-Semite, and I don't want to

expose the world to that. Dude, that, okay, honestly, credit to Maher, that's a hilarious framing of that. His points were too salient and too funny. When we talked about Putin, we said everyone needed to Marr. That's a hilarious framing of that. His points were too salient and too funny. When we talked about Putin, we said everyone needed to be heard. Yeah. Bill Marks, he's anti-Semitic and he's right. So we will not be having him on the show.

Get him out of here! Yeah, but you should hear charming and salient anti-Semites. Obviously, you should hear it all. OK, so maybe not Kanye on the Trump ticket. I'll give you that. I will say there is no way from today onwards you will ever see a straight white male P and a straight white male VP. That's done forever. No more Mike Pence, Trump.

So when you have Trump and you're asking what the VP is, you've got to think female, gay, person of color. There's no way. Like Tucker Carlson, you go, oh, that's another. That sounds like a big male. Taylor Swift's 35, right? What? Taylor Swift is 35, right? Is that right?

That's the ticket, yeah. Taylor Swift? Yeah. Oh, my God. You know what's scary is that probably. See, Biden drops Kamala and picks Taylor Swift. They sweep. He wins in a astounding landslide. Four years, four years from now, Taylor makes the case that they need one of those FDR triple terms and the Biden empire begins.

Kristi Noem, is that person made up? Hopefully, everybody's ready for some law and order like you look at el salvador cleaning up their imprisoned 60 000 criminals you look at uh javier over there in argentina uh americans are both right and left are fucking sick of these open borders it's affecting them at home their daughters are doing fent fentanyl. Their neighbors are getting robbed. And I think Trump's going to win in a landslide because he wants to close the borders and impose law and order. And I think even people who hate him are going to just swallow that bitter pill just to get some security. And then they want it.

All right. I have a question about policy then. and then they want all right i have a question about policy then since you are and you know you're a neighbor to the north they're talking about doing airstrikes in mexico to like strike at the cartels what do you what do you think about that one yeah do it you know how many people die of fentanyl a day in america a hundred leading causes a lot 130 like we started a world war because some guy in a funny mustache got shot in his horse and carriage we're 130 people a day every day yeah it's it's a huge in the midwest it's a huge i actually thought it was going to be higher i mean shark seat imagine a back where 130 people died every single day you'd be like holy shit we're stop stop like that's world war ii levels yeah there was a shooting where 130 people died

a day every single day there'd be a mall where 130 people were killed you probably are no one would go outside they'd be like we gotta everyone would be wearing helmets and hiding in their basement. That's what's happening. Damn. You want to talk about woke? I'm woke. I'm woke. You do seem woke, Gavin.

I am woke. Very woke. Woke on. What was it like interviewing Kanye? I just saw that clip. i didn't know you talked to him you spoke to kanye yeah you saw the clip that uh ryan showed a clip there it is he's in uh he's in again oh that's right i remember this now yeah what what was that like you you guys should call your podcast that never heard of that podcast the not up-to-date show yeah i don't agree but dka don't know anything

that's actually pretty good delete that delete it when i interviewed yay it went huge you guys don't even know that his name is yay now um but uh it was it was weird he's a very likable guy i find with blacks the way to break the ice is sex jokes so i talked about beating off and being horny and i think it broke the ice and we got along really well after that i said towards the end of the day, I go, you know, you're not winning the presidency. Right. And he was that made him really mad. And I think it ruined our friendship.

But like, it's sorry. It's just a fact. There's no President Ye in any hypothetical scenario. Did you think he was sincerely offended by that? Like you saying interesting things? I go, well, the Hitler shit is a deal breaker. And he's like, like no i think that's good for my campaign i'm like uh no praising hitler is considered pretty i don't know how

many consultants you have but it's considered pretty bad as far as popularity goes i didn't know that oh yeah dude that's the biggest layup question of all time you're in you're in politics and they're like what do you think of hitler dude i'm hitting that layup 10 times out of 10 don't like don't care for him boom two points like every single time two thumbs down two thumbs down you know i've heard about that guy don't get me started he's my little rascal yeah he's my pet peeve he's a rascal a no-goodness like charlie Chaplin because of the mustache. Fuck no. Don't get me started on his pot.

Wait, who was it? Was it? It was Ye who said, but he made that awesome highway. Like, you know, the autopilot is one of the funnest places to drive around. And it's like, that is true. He invented the highway. That's true. He did invent. He came up with around. It's like, that is true. The argument that Hitler invented the highway, that's true. He did invent, he came up with highways. That's a great idea.

Everybody has some good ideas sometimes. On-ramp, on-ramp, cloverleaf system. That was new. I mean, we copied it right after. What if he came up with no right on road? I kind of felt like with him and Nick because Nick was with him like 24 hours a day back then, and it was sort of like Master Blaster.

And they ran Barter town, but Nick was, was master and Kanye was blaster. So you think that at the time Kanye or yay was taken cues from Fuentes? Yes. Fuentes knows a lot of shit, especially when you get into antisemitism. And I'm, I'm a, I'm for the record, I'm a pro Israel and all that stuff. But I, I get the,

the beef from those guys. But he's a fun dude. He's an artist. He's creative. He's weird. You know, David Bowie said we should bring back the Nazis and fascism. Like, it's a thing artists do when they run out of shit to be weird about. They start talking about Hitler and Nazism and stuff. And Sid Vicious had the swastika on his shirt. It's just part of his art. I'm going to stop right there.

You're a gay faggot. I didn't see your interview with him. Did he speak well? i see kanye speak he doesn't flow with his points uh yeah he's pretty typical for rappers i guess uh he was pretty funny though he's got a good sense of comic time like the the part that went most viral about that interview i said look blacks are overrepresented in crime right but when i see a black person i start from scratch and i'm like i take you for who you are as an individual now jews may be overrepresented in media and leftism and this kind of stuff but when

you meet a jew do you you start from scratch and he goes nope that was a good question, though. That was well phrased. I believe he's being honest there, then. Oh, yeah. No, I hear they're Jewish. I got an immediate problem. At one point, he wasn't able to see his kids back then.

And at one point, he goes, I don't give a shit about my life. You think I care about Jews? And at one point he goes, I don't even, I don't give a shit about my life. You think I care about Jews? Yeah. Some messaging coaching. Play it, play it, Ryan. Represented in violent crime.

But when you meet an individual black person, you don't apply that. You start with a fresh slate every time you meet someone. Do you do that with Jews? Nope. Timing too, right? too right okay yeah that's very funny yeah nope nope just wearing a gimp mask zipped up nope no yeah what's the mask motivation like i get it in public himself with the mask and not worry about how he's perceived i don't know that's just what he said can you say it again i was talking over you oh sorry he said what he said. Can you say it again? I was talking over you. Oh, sorry. He said, I can be myself with this mask on, and I don't worry about how I'm perceived.

I can just be my true self. Interesting. He knows we know it's him under the mask. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Maybe he shouldn't be vice president.

He's just comfortable in his maybe ambassador to somewhere right I'd like to I'd like him to have some input dude I would be good with Kanye as ambassador to Israel yeah but he has to live in Jerusalem he's like don't get me started on the amount of

I don't want to say it problems around me he's just like problems around me. You go visit him and he's just like, you blew this shit? I'm just saying there's a lot of people around me with robust stock portfolios. There's another Jew, son. These clips are absurd. That's so funny.

Damn. Yeah, i haven't seen much of of kanye the the thing that like killed me more than anything was him talking to that reporter outside of like a pizza place or whatever and like holding up the graph that shows like who owns different media organizations and like all the jewish names are like read it out like alarm like oh and he's just holding that up a phone from three feet you can't see anything but he's just found that graphic and he's stoked on it and so he thinks everyone should see that graph i thought you were gonna talk about the time where he goes i had a what was, a doctor or something? And he's like, I can't say who he was or what his affiliation was.

But anyway, this guy wanted to sabotage me and put me away for questioning things. And that man tried to alter how I felt. He was Jewish. Yeah. And I'm not going to say what the affiliation of this doctor was. He was a jewish doctor you can see dude that's that's like a fucking dude the amount of pixels and that image he's showing has been so decayed from the thousands of 4chan reposts

it's just a blob now right you know he believes that he's telling the truth, though, because why else do such an unpopular thing? You know? What do you think the psychology is behind showing off his wife like that? I think of it as an art experiment. Making him jealous, maybe? Or maybe he's trying to make her a superstar, or maybe he's just flexing. I don't care because I get to look at her.

His wife is bodacious. It's ridiculous. I feel like he thinks He's stumbled upon a treasure trove Of like information And he's like I can be the one who spreads this Making me important To the process

Because I mean he does seem He's a rapper he's a narcissist Remember three hours ago we were talking about tens And we were like hey Get this girl, right? Whatever is a changeable thing. And if you change nothing, that's what a 10 is. Kanye's wife might be that bullseye.

I'd change the hair first and foremost. She has my exact hairdo. She does. Hers is blonde, though. Yeah. Yeah. Show us Kanye's wife. You both wear it well.

It's the same hair. It's a good haircut, though. I'm going to say that. It's a good haircut. I'm kind of into Gavin's hair. Somebody, you both wear it. Well, it's the same. It's a good haircut though. I'm going to say that. Good haircut. You fucker from behind. You're looking down at a 12 year old boy, but you see those enormous swinging titties. I've never seen a 12 year old boy with hangers like that. Not from behind.

You don't see those titties. I bet you do see those from behind. I bet you see, I bet you see the side crescent around the side I genuinely don't mind the haircut I'm here for it I don't like it she looks like a Pokemon trainer and you don't like that?

no you don't want your wife to be a bodacious Pokemon trainer she would look better if she had long luscious hair right? I gotta take my third piss. How long is this fucking show? We didn't know you'd be sticking around for the whole time. Yeah, we thought she'd be here for two hours.

We do four, though. We do four. I gotta get out of here. I have a life to live. That's fine. Yeah, you're good if you gotta pop out. Or if you just gotta pee again. It's up to you. And then go live. Alright, you're good. If you got to pop out or if you just got to pee again, it's up to you.

I got to pee and then go live. All right. Go pee and go live. Can you and Woody please bond over the hatred of fat people and the fact that you ride motorcycles so we could all feel good, please? Okay. Woody, what kind of bike do you have? I have eight motorcycles. My favorite is probably a KTM 890 Adventure R.

My favorite way to ride bikes are these long distance adventure things. I did. Do you, have you ever heard of the tat, the trans America trail? Okay. Oh yeah. There are dirt roads that go around America. It's about 8,000 miles long.

That's probably my coolest ride. That sounds fun. Yeah. It was, uh, maybe five weeks, something like that. Cool.

That's the old tat. They made it into a loop now. It goes across around Boise and across the top. And you're never on a highway. No, you're on highways probably 5% of the time. Oh, great. Wow, that's awesome. I have a Cafe Racer Triumph Bonneville 750.

No fairing, nothing. That is a classy bike. That's cool. I'm just doing aesthetics, so I don't really enjoy it. It's fucking scary on the highway. I'm kidding myself every time I go over 50. Yeah, that is a bike that is stylish. No, mine's like a 2002.

That's a 2018. Right, but I know what a Triumph Cafe Racer is. And it is a 2002 that's a 2018 right but i know what a triumph cafe racer is and it is a bike that is long on style it's not particularly high performance or fucking cold if it's 52 degrees or below it's not starting no matter what i do so i have if it's cold out i have to bring a fucking jump pack in my clothes. I have to bring jumper cables in a thing. Oh, really? Yeah.

That would suck, though. I don't like that. And then as far as fat people go, I think you got to define fat first. And I'm 200 pounds. I define fat as can you see your dick in the shower? I have a similar thing on it you're way too fat if there's a fold under your belly like if you have yeah you could do better gavin he just needs to sag his pants a little he's okay he's okay but you'll notice i'm not doing that so kudos to Kevin alright boys we've enjoyed you thoroughly

are you pissing or are you leaving each is acceptable yeah great laughs good sesh I'd love to come back sounds good man we enjoyed you thoroughly thank you for coming shout out Ryan for looping us in thank you man take care dudes Ryan, for looping us in. Thank you, man. Take care, dudes.

Thanks, Ryan. Take care, Dave. Sorry for the gook stuff. No, that's fine. He's cool with it. He's cool with it. Oh, I know. I can tell. We have a G pass from him. Yeah, I can tell. A G pass. A G pass, a C pass.

That was fun. Yeah. When he flipped his camera on, I swear to God, I didn't realize he was Asian when we met him briefly before the show. I genuinely might not see color sometimes, or at least

not with Asian people. Didn't even take note that he was not a white man. I immediately took note. I love the comedic timing of him coming back and being like, fuck, what the fuck? he was not a white man. I immediately took note. I love the comedic timing of him coming back and being like, fuck, what the fuck? He's funny. He's like a big time listener of this show. That's how

we got looped in with Gavin. He messaged me on Twitter. I appreciate it. I liked him as much as Gavin. Yeah. I can tell he had a good sense of humor and timing too with his fucking media cues. That was good shit. He was quick on the ball. He did a good sense of humor and timing too with his fucking media cues that was good shit he was quick on the ball he did a good job

yeah Davin and I didn't get along oh it seemed like a little bit of barbs back and forth but overall I think you guys bonded over motorcycles at the end okay okay I'm just Mr. positive pr spin right now i thought the vice question was a good one and i thought it led to an interesting segment on the show he was just taking shots at over anything

so what i was going to say after the show was you bore the brunt of it on that question in particular however doing so got us a really interesting story that i appreciated him telling um so kudos there to you i guess i've heard for asking the questions even if he didn't like the question i thought it was silly i think i don't know why he would be offended by it i don't i don't think he was he's just on a little yeah i think he was just teasing but it was funny because woody asked about vice and after he did he's like what you got fucking six hours and i looked down at my notepad and it's like be sure to ask about vice and i'm like yeah woody what the fuck

where you got six hours yeah no i think that was good i i never understood the evolution of vice or when he left or because i remembered back in like the mid-2000s it was like a cool media source where they would do stuff like we sent a reporter to live for 20 days in in sentinelese island did they do the north korea undercover thing with they did yes or something 100 i'm now remembering that's the thing i'm so yeah so we've talked about this before but it is fascinating if you've never seen it i think her name is lisa ling she's a very attractive asian lady who's probably 50 but looks 30 and they went undercover along with an optometrist or uh an eye surgeon um to north korea to to do all these cataract surgeries for these poor north koreans and they were they were like They had like a four to five day pass, some brief amount of time.

And so the doctor is doing dozens of surgeries a day or something. He does like a hundred people. He gives them their vision back and at least one and sometimes both eyes in the course of a week. And it's almost, they gather in what looks like a church, but I don't know if they're allowed religion

there. And it's the, and everybody's getting their bandages off at the same time. A whole congregation of people is literally being giving their sight back by the man standing in the front and they bypass him to thank the great leader's portrait. And the old lady exclaims while she cries on her knees i will work twice as hard in the salt mines and this is and and i appreciate and i was like this is a legit view of what's going on there's no spin lisa they're secretly recording this at risk of you know being taken by the north koreans yeah and you know like that that one american they gave back had been tortured so severely he was brain dead right he died long not long after we got him back.

I don't know what they do to you over there, but it's not friendly. They fuck your ass up. Yeah, they fuck your ass up. So that documentary was fascinating to see, like what a normal street looked like. It's also very clean, like their cities. But it reminds me of movies when the person's having a dream and all the people have in a city have disappeared and it's very ominous it's almost like where where are all of the people why are they're not commuters of some kind or why are they're not like you know in america and every other city i've ever seen cities are congested with traffic and everybody's trying to get somewhere did did you

happen to see that footage of the bicyclist riding in North Korea recently on Reddit? No. No. It backs up your story. Well, story sounds like a lie, but it backs up what you're saying. I did see it. Oh, yeah, yeah. So the guy rides his bike, and man, there are barely any cars in a city with an infrastructure to handle a lot of cars.

Millions. Yeah, a city that looks like a major city of millions and may but there's no foot traffic either seemingly there's no it's like where are the people centers where where's the hustle and bustle of north korea they did that shit that china does where they like build an entire city before there's the demand for that city and then it's just you know know, old West ghost town, nobody there. Well, I would explain these,

these undercover videos though. Like I never quite understand it. And sometimes I have this little sci-fi dystopian black mirror moment where I'm like, I've never been to North Korea. Do we even know if it's real? Like maybe they just drew it on the map and it doesn't exist yet. Like I've never been,

maybe it's all, of course I also have that simulation theory that I melt into every now and then where i wonder if you guys are real that's that's upsetting you can't be doing that man you're gonna lose you wouldn't know if you were i wouldn't know you could be the real one i'm fully open to the the concept that you're the only real person that there is and that i'm just an npc who's programmed to be now the simulation thing is it's always struck me as retarded because it's like, okay, so this is just like a secular interpretation

of what God would be if it weren't supernatural. It's like, no, if a God were real. That's clever. I never looked at it through that lens. That's just an atheist talking about God. Yeah, it's just like, oh not signaling out kyle but that exists not necessarily because really because because all right if you're talking about that particular simulation theory the idea that we are some one simulation and they're running like oh let's see what would happen if this and that happened or let's let's learn how the universe began that

universe that we discovered over there because we travel from one to the other it in that scenario i i um rewind me a second. I just had a brain fart. We were talking about the simulation being a parallel to God. Yeah. Yeah, but even in that, but the people who created the simulation, they don't know where their universe came from.

They could have a, you know what I mean? But then it's like an infinitely reducible, more complex explanation. It could be the Rick and Morty bit, where it's a simulation explanation it could be a simulation it could be the rick and morty bit where it's a simulation within a simulation within a simulation and and and like who is the real one and soon and we've created plenty of simulations right and and we think of the little like if this happens do that if that happens do this kind of coding is just rudimentary one plus two is three but i don't know that's kind of how we

behave anyway you know whether free will exists or not like like we kind of we were very predictable and when the way we make our decisions and the way we live our lives but just never i've never been convinced by the simulation thing it's you've never thought so much of yourself though that you thought that like this is probably all just about me and like a stolopsist like in an empty room you just be like look this is a fucking simulation that come on come on let's let's go back to the real world i'm tired of this is that is that called stolopsism the belief that you are the only real entity and everything else is contrived uh if it is i didn't know there was a word for it i just sort of thought of it as self-imagining

that you're within a simulation sort of matrix kind of either way like like you can always like argue like oh well you get back to the beginning of time and god well that's just explaining something we don't know yet with god it's like okay well that's exactly what simulation theory is except it's even adding an additional layer of complexity where this godlike being is also programming us for what purpose for what reason oh it doesn't have to be a god like still reducing it to an unexplained thing just in a different frame now we could be in some kid's hard drive in his bedroom you know he's still an all-knowing all-powerful kid yeah it's still someone who's creating an existence you can see the parallels kyle yeah

but you're that compared to a program that you write apparently i know nothing we all know nothing don't dka don't know anything is actually very funny and i want to use we've all seen tron it could be just like tron go watch Tron it's terrible with Jeff Bridges just a shit movie I guess the reason I was the right age it doesn't better explain reality than just the God theory because like

at the end of the chain with God it's like and then God did this it's like okay that's the entity but that we can't define the entity you can't define in the simulation thing is just someone running a simulation who then could be on a simulation run by a simulation. And it's like almost more complicated than just being like, no, it's supernatural. We can't explain.

I don't really think about like who might be running it or why. I just kind of prefer the idea that I'm the only real person and this is all about me. That's a very lonely existence. Oh, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. Little Toby Murphy and Rocky, they're not real? Animals aren't real anyway. They don't have souls.

Don't you fucking say that. They don't go to heaven. You ever see all dogs go to heaven? Yes, I watched it as a child all the time and they do go to heaven. Cats don't, but dogs all do. Dogs are all good souls only only good cats go to heaven all all cats go to hell let's actually pit bulls don't go because they're mean to other pit bulls are mean to other dogs and that negates it they go to a segregated hell um heaven that the infrastructure isn't very nice. There's stores and pawn shops and shit.

They got their own water bowls. Yeah. Our heaven's going to be gentrified. It's going to be sweet. There's old infrastructure, but there's still Starbucks. It's a nice place to live. I hope it's not clouds. Whenever I see that,

I don't want to walk around in clouds. In gold streets, that's so gaudy. Who cares if everything's gold? Walking around in clouds probably sucks like i've walked around in a lot of soft sand and it's exhausting clouds can't be any better i hope we're all fit i we're all like like like like super fit like uh in exorcist 3 they they they should they show this thing where um fabio you know the model fab, he's playing an angel in this... He's having a dream or a vision or something and he sees like a heaven hellscape type thing.

And Fabio's there as an angel. And I always thought, I hope everybody looks like Fabio in heaven. I hope there's no uggos there, right? Like imagine you live your whole life as an uggo believing in the Lord and praising him. And then you go to heaven and you have to be like an uggo there too

and nobody wants to have heaven's sense with you. or they could be punished because that's a sin sloth gluttony pride i don't i'm having the um is it syndicate root of all forget the guys the bad guy's name in um mr incredible or the incredibles but he has the, if everyone has superpowers, then nobody has superpowers. Yeah. If you're going to make the ugly people attractive, then no one's attractive. Well, we get to, hell still exists, I hope. The Pope, by the way, Pope came out, said he doesn't think hell exists. Okay, fuck.

The Pope said that? What does he know? He says if it does exist, I hope there's no one there. Dude, the Pope is fucked. I was going to say, Taylor, is he right? You're the guy I go to for religion. Yeah, you can come to me anytime you have a religious question, at least around Christian stuff.

Religion and spelling. Taylor's your guy. Dude, religion and spelling. Other than that, stay the hell away with your questions. But yeah, hell is very clearly real from christian dogma it's not a oh yeah i'm shocked the pope would say hell isn't real the torah didn't mention it well judaism is not from christian dogma it's not from it's the old test the old testament is in the torah though right like the whole thing no no the torah is uh genesis exodus leviticus numbers

and deuteronomy it's the first five a lot of books how many books are in the old testament uh genesis exodus leviticus numbers deuteronomy joshua judges ruth first and second samuel first and second kings first and second chronicles uh ezra nehemiah esther job uh what is happening right now he's naming the books of the bible is that a guy matt no i fucked it up i don't know the rest of them it sounds to me like at least 20 of the torah is the bible no there's about 20 of the bible is in the torah it's less than that yeah because uh i believe heaven or hell i believe numbers is pretty short oh i mean i know there's not a real heaven and hell, like 100%, but I'm not even sure that the Christians, I think they probably just made that shit up.

Jesus was, wasn't Jesus the only one talking about heaven? He was like, the only way to God is through me or something like that. I am the way, the truth, and the life. Pretty convenient. I wasn't fully indoctrinated. No, I hit my numbers. I got in. Yeah.

I keep asking people when I meet them at parties and stuff, like, hey, are you baptized? It's a great icebreaker. People love it. And everyone is baptized. Even people who are completely not religious. Gay people. I'm baptized and both my children are baptized.

Yeah, dude, I'm baptized too. You're going to hell so hard, dude. You haven't been baptized i'm so worried that someone is going to see my unbaptized body as a potential vessel for a daemon and take me and do some sort of black ritual on me where they you know allow a powerful demon to come and coexist in my vessel and you know and viewing me with powers that that are unfathomable to a mortal man i really hope that doesn't happen thankfully for you sovereign citizen shit right and you know i'm no uh theologian but yes you are the the but the baptism process is symbolic. It's not about the actual water going over you. That's not what cleanses you. It's a dedication of your life to Christ.

That's not what baptism is. It's a financial arrangement. You throw a party, you see people you care about, and you start a college account with the gifts. That's baptism. arrangement you throw a party you see people you care about and you start a college account with the gifts that's baptism that is never dipped me in the water i never said the words um it never happened and i remember seeing people get baptized and thinking that's embarrassing i wouldn't want to go up in front of everyone and get dipped in the water like this is when i'm seven or eight what if you're seven or eight days old or months months. That didn't happen. I was not baptized. And I've never asked. Look at that fucking baby all naked getting dipped in water.

How emasculating. What a bitch. I've never asked. But I know that my uncle got cancer. Who my dad was very close with. When I was like three or four. And I think that. And they went to like,

they went to a fucking preacher somewhere, like one of those magic preachers. And like my dad saw that experience where like his desperate brother who was dying gave money to like this preacher man. And he's never said it. This is just all me reading the room. But I think that really soured him on religion

and especially organized religion. So maybe that's why I get baptized. Maybe it wasn't a priority. But I think my sister did. I think my sister did. I think they did her ass. As a little girl?

I don't know. I don't remember this. I don't know if you're in the heavenly realm. I'm going to ask next time I talk to one of them why I wasn't baptized. I don't want to. I don't want to meet with you in the heavenly realm. I'm going to ask next time I talk to one of them why I wasn't baptized. I don't want to be, and I genuinely think it's kind of neat. It makes me special. Because everyone I talk to has been baptized. A lesbian couple, I thought. You're going to be the bell of the ball in hell.

Maybe I'll be in charge. Maybe they'll call me the uncrowned. Hell-bound savage. maybe i'll be in charge maybe they'll call me the hell bound savage dude what if what if they what if i'm like a lieutenant because oh the unwashed one come forth lord no that's like a supernatural understanding of hell in hell uh satan is not in charge satan is also being tortured where do you get your hell information from? Is it from God? Oh, is that where you get your information about Russia?

Or do you go to the real media? You go to Tucker Carlson and find out about Russia. The real scoop, straight from Vladimir Putin's mouth. The truth. I don't know. I don't believe God's version of that. Here's what I'll say about heaven and hell. If there is a heaven and hell,

then God's fucking lying to us about how that whole thing went down. It just doesn't make any sense. that whole thing went down. Right. Cause it just doesn't make any sense. The whole thing doesn't make any sense. What do you mean? Tell me which, if God is truly all powerful, then he can,

it's, oh, it's like, it's like in the matrix when Neo finally becomes the one and like the fighting becomes not a thing anymore. It doesn't matter who's faster or stronger because he can just delete you from existence with his mind. So the whole story doesn't make any sense unless it's just a parable to teach us, you know, about right and wrong. That could be you might be on the money there. But the the thing about hell is demons are not like in pop culture.

Demons are like in charge. They're like lieutenants in hell. And Satan is the general of hell. It's a place of total torment. And the definition of hell is distance from God, meaning that you are distanced from God's greatness in hell. And so you'll be spending eternity in pain and torture and this and that because you're amongst other people who lived poorly and there's no redemption available because you're distanced from God. That's the idea of hell. As my theological advisor, hypothetically, if you sold your soul for $5 on a PKA hangout,

would you never get into heaven afterwards? Because I'm a little... No, not at all. Because I guess in the theological belief, it would be that your soul is not yours to sell. You have to actively choose against God throughout your entire life. And then when you die, your wish is kind of fulfilled and you are distanced from him but if you you sold your soul to some person on our hangout and then tomorrow your parents called you and they gave you a really great sell on their beliefs and you were like i'm in the mix i'm in the mix baby i'm gonna go to church i'm gonna do this and that not the church is necessary but i'm gonna you know i'm reading about hell yeah Then you would go to heaven. Yeah. So obviously there's like Paradise Lost and The Divine Comedy, which are sort of fictions written about the Bible.

It's like fan fiction. And instead, people have interpreted it as canon. Yeah, Dante was a nerd. Sure. And people have interpreted it as like canon, but it was fan fiction. That's the way to look at it. But I'm looking at like the straight from the Bible stuff like Matthew 25-41, the universal punishment for all who reject

Jesus Christ as Savior to be cast into the lake of fire. And then Revelations 20-15, the Bible speaks of hell as a place of outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Matthew 8-12 through 23 and 13, those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life should

have no fear of this terrible faith. A fate. By faith in Christ and his shed blood, we are destined to live eternally in the presence of God. Yes, it sounds pretty awful, and you're definitely right that Satan's not in charge down there, but again, that's God's version, okay? Of course he would say that, like, in charge. That's where I threw him. For for all we know hell is like the better part of the universe that god and the devil exist in and god is like living in the the shitty like suburbs or something like that and hell is like this vast green fertile orchard of like you know other dimensionally paradise uh fanciness right i don't think so. I think that's, again, supernatural. We're going to get to heaven, and it's going to be

that Russian-style architecture, just floor after floor of gray shit that looks like every survival game you've ever played. Oh, I was talking about the cool Russian architecture with the onion tops. Yeah, not Red Square. Not Red Square. Think about Call of Duty 4 maps.

That Russian architecture. Oh, block? Block. It's possible to do well with a scorpion on that map. They do love their fucking blocks. Actually, no. Xcal killed it with a scorpion on that map. Xcal could kill it with a knife on that map.

He was frustrated. Oh, speaking of gaming, Kyle, what are your thoughts on getting back into Total War warhammer 3 because i it it is i want an rts game that is less sweaty than age of empires i love playing age of empire for me to get into but aoe is like is really intense you would love it because you're really you're really good and into min maxing different strategies to be my life it has to be my life for me to be be good at it i have

to devote days to it and i have to get up i get up at 7 a.m drink my coffee and play tarkov for three hours it's almost like a middle ground though because like aoe is so sweaty and so difficult yeah i'll play i will total warhammer War Warhammer 3 is like so not sweaty and relatively easy compared to AoE that it's not as good as Warhammer 3. I'm good at it already. Dude, you and I fucked people up when we would play 2v2.

You played the Dark Elves. I played the Ogres. I took early map control with my speed. You played back, did some skirmishing. All right, here's what we'll do. We've got a whole plan now. I'll get back into it, and we'll have turin on as a guest on the show and we'll do like three hours of total war warhammer talk we'll talk we'll talk lore we'll talk about

um um the real drukari the real empire of that yes we'll do dwarven lore like like dwarven lore i'm just excited talking about what we're going to talk about. You don't know anything, Woody. Confirm. You don't know anything. You don't know anything about the intricacies of Dawi lore, Woody. But yeah, I'll do that. And I'd keep playing Ogres.

I need to check back in and see if they've made any updates. They've added new shit. That game's such a money sink. The game that's cool, and I wish we could show... I don't know if we can show... It's Space Marine 2. So Space Marine 1 came out I think 2011, and the trailers and the gameplay

look really fun. You play as a space marine fighting tyranids, which is intergalactic. Halo rip-off? Question mark? Pardon? Halo rip-off? Question mark? No, it's completely different. Is it an RTS or an FPS? It's Warhammer 40k Space Marines. It predates Halo.

Okay. This is a first-person shooter or a real-time strategy? It's more like third-person viewpoint and you're a Space Marines, which is like a demigod, essentially. You're fighting aliens that are called the Tyranids. In this case, I think they're just the tyranids and in this case i

think they're just monsters that they kind of look like xenomorphs there's big ones and small ones and all sorts of shit it's very bloody smash you've got a chain sword got a black got a uh got a big cannon it's bolter um i'm i'm excited for that one i sent you the link the other day i'm so into the lore of that um universe that i'm just down to play anything that's rooted in it that looks fun so i'm definitely gonna play that but uh but yeah i'll play some um some warhammer 3 i wish that uh i was more into that lore because sometimes which i think predates um 40k that it's it's the original thing and a lot of 40k is sort of taken from the fantasy and just made to work in a futuristic universe so like if you look at they're different like you've told me they're like in the in the 40k universe it's not like the empire became no that empire i don't as

far as i know the empire does it's a completely different universe and the empire didn't exist in the the the 40k universe is 40 000 years from our future was has always been my take on that um that that universe well either way i'm down to play that game again it was fun as shit and it is aesthetically the coolest looking game i've ever experienced like i don't yeah what's a better one what's a cooler battle than total war warhammer 3 there's that civil war game that i will also play with you if you want where everybody like role plays and you do these no no it's called um like war of rights i think uh and it's about the civil war and there are these big bayonet charges of good old southern boys and

they're all doing their accents and they're all running like through cornfields getting mowed down by yankees it looks i'd try that out but like age of empires 2 sucks me in because there's like 50 different civilizations that's a meme game that i would want to play for total warhammer sucks me in because there's you know probably only 14 or something different civilizations you can play races in that game because they're totally different races but yeah no i'll play that with you um and i'm sure some of the other guys will get into it i know i forgot all of the uh i forgot all the hotkeys everything with that muscle memory baby sometimes you think you forget and then you get called upon to do it and your body remembers i hope you're right yeah i hope you're right it's like riding a bike it's so thousands of hours into that shit like after going from like the first time we got into total war

warhammer 3 it was following me getting into age of empires 2 again and when i went over to warhammer 3 and started playing my instinct was like all right send them to attack what do i need to be doing i need to be doing something i need to move thing because in aoe you're doing fucking 50 actions a minute if you're dog shit like me and in total war warhammer a lot of the movement is like now i just need to wait does the game tell you how many actions a minute you did uh there's a in aoe2 there's like if you look if you watch someone's game with a certain software it'll tell you their peak apm what they're like the idle vill certain software, it'll tell you their peak APM, what their idle villager count was. It'll tell you everything. What's a good APM?

All the really good players are well into the hundreds. Okay, so like 120-ish. Yeah, some of them will hit like 200. I'll get that software. But also they are professional players who are compulsively hitting stuff sometimes and so you'll hear like with any even starcraft stuff like that it's like oh man 180 actions per minute and it's like okay but 65 of those were him hitting the key the spacebar key to take him

back to his town center over and over and over and over while he was doing stuff i mean yeah i used to watch in cod people used to like yy a lot like a lot a lot it had nothing to do with gameplay they maybe they're just like strategically holding a corner why why why why why why it's like these are wasted movements it doesn't help them 100 like that because they're pros you think like oh shit should i be hitting whyy more yeah when i like watch like sometimes in the tournament aoe games that i watch afterward it'll have like the caster vision which shows the peak apm and very often the losing player has less apm because it's like that person was making deliberate decisions with their actions per minute and this other person was like spamming spacebar and then

clicking and saying oh this unit don't go over here once with one right click go like a hundred times trying to keep you going there's a yeah i'll try that software i'm curious when we get back into uh warhammer how how much clicking or if you jump into aoe2 with me that'd be fun that's not happening um that but but but i'll do that there there is a micro. You do send those, like, maybe, like, you can imagine, like, the head of a bull. You know, you've got your central force and then maybe two horns who want to wrap around to the flanks. You can kind of, like, five or six inputs, and that's doing its thing.

You sent them all the way over there. So now you're waiting. But then you'll have some really fast speedy units that are glass cannons. Or maybe not exactly a glass cannon, but definitely glass mosquitoes. They're like glass mosquitoes. That's what Warhammer has a lot of. You send these fucking dirty shitheads who are hard to see and

that are too quick to run down. And they shoot blow darts with poison at your guys. And your guys will start chasing them. So now you have a good unit devoted to just chasing a blow dart guy who's cheap. But now he's hit you with a blow dart. So your guys are all, they're poison, so they're slow. That's what blow dart man loves. I've sent him on like a zigzag route.

He's pre-programmed to do. And he just automatically blows his blow darts and throws his shirt. And the way you beat Kyle in Total War Warhammer 3 in the domination mode. Blow him constantly, distract him. You blow him constantly and distract him. He's coming too hard to even notice. Kyle,

there's a little counter in the side that says the amount of gold damage you've done. And so Kyle and I are both going to bring armies and we're both allotted 20,000 gold or whatever. And on the side, it's not a win metric, but it shows like, oh man, Taylor's only done 5,000 gold damage to Kyle's army and Kyle's done 6,200 to Taylor's army. the win condition number is how long you've held the flags and so what you do against kyle is you send in a bunch of high armor heavy units to those points because i know he's not even going to contest the points in the beginning of the game he's going to let me have them and he's going to try and harass me and my goal is to hold on to them to the point that i have 1100 points and

he's got 102 and then late game he has to triple cap to win but i'm playing heavy ass ogres and so there's no way he's gonna push me off my final point when i'm like hell no we were uh he's absolutely right so so so i'll allow him to take his home flag and the middle flag and i won't try to send anybody who would stand on a flag and capture like a big sword wielding guy or a bunch it's groups of them when I say a guy I mean 80 to 120 men in a formation who all look the same roughly so I'll send guys who just harass and shoot in and my goal is to weaken his army as time goes on we're accruing more gold so our armies are growing and I want his to always be getting smaller and mind always getting bigger and when i am when i have like a strength of numbers that i normally wouldn't have unless that harass had

been effective now i can just bully him and just push him all the way back into his spawn and once i kill all of his troops now i'm spawn killing you're literally spawn killing yeah like it's it's real fun it's a hard way to play you have to you have to wait and do the right kind of internal math where it's like, all right, Kyle's going to win the gold battle here because he's going to go less on the points than I am. It's going to be complicated to make sure I move back at the right time. The reason you would often beat me and you're playing fine, but I'm often playing strategies that are hard to beat because I watch so much of it. The reason you'd often beat me is because I was so goddamn high that i would forget to attack i'd be i'd still be biding my time just micro i'd be microing three things around shooting and like eight minutes would go by because i was so fucking high oh i know i would there would be times when we'd be 1v1ing and i'd be like all right i'm at 1320

points and he's at 400 and i've got two flags. Yeah. He must really be biding his time. I'm at it way too much. Can you win with a triple cap? Like in domination, you can always win with a triple cap. You can be down one 99 to zero. Yeah. It works exactly like domination where it ticks up based on the number of

flags you have held. It can, it can be really fun to play duos in that because we'll make our armies complement one another um like he might have a troop that like fights harder if there's i don't know some sort of stink near them so i'll bring some stinky guys you know it's like little things like that worked well because i would often play Ogres, which is a fast, heavy civilization, race, whatever they're called. And so I would very quickly take control of them. And then Kyle, because he's playing with me and I'm not going heavy skirmisher units, he goes very heavy skirmisher units.

And his focus is to weaken everybody before they show up to contest with me on the points. And that works very well works i like that annoying like um i like that play style because it's harder to do and i'm trying to i'm i'm always trying to get better at that micro because that's what i was always bad at but harassing is so people would do it to me when i first started and it feels like being bullied because you don't have an answer for it they're just running from you and you're chasing them and they just keep shooting you and they run and run and run until you're just whittled away and it's like man you just bullied the shit out of me there that was awful that's true but like on my side from the strategy i usually took which was ramp up capture early it was like oh he's

harassing the hell out of my ogre bull unit. The most worthless who-gives-a-fuck unit. Good. Keep harassing them, because my ogre bulls are still standing on the point, and they're still accruing points. I don't care if you knock them off, because you're using a 475 gold value unit to harass my 500 gold unit. Are you going to get your brother and his boys

to come over to the Warhammer side, or are they just steeped in AOE? Or have they gone to Palworld yet? They've played some Palworld. They're gamers, and so they bounce around. But I'll get them into Total War Warhammer 3 also. Like, the learning curve for learning Total War is so much lower than Age of Empires

that, like, if you can get people into Age of Empires and then tell them, hey, there's a game that requires one eighth the actions per minute and you're not managing an economy at all and the games are fucking 15 minutes long pretty easy to make that transition and the it's expensive though that's the problem the base game is i don't know what the base game costs but i'm probably still 60 bucks yeah. But when you buy everything and I mean everything, you're a couple hundred, maybe $300 in. Yeah.

It's games workshop. I is, is I don't do the miniature thing. I've always said, I think that's where I draw the line. I kind of wish I had one just to stick up, stick on my desk, like a bobblehead,

but the idea of painting them and then showing up to an event with some sort of fucking landscape and putting all my minis out there rolling dice and playing the game i i'm not into that at all well let's get back into it and let's run some 2v2s online and enroll some people that'd be fun sure i'm sure the people in the in our uh our discord would be down but i won't be completely lured away from tarkov because because things are going well, swimmingly over there. You don't want to get back to Warhammer where we'd just absolutely demolish Fish? No, I'll play. I'll play. A bunch of those guys in there have it.

He's playing to make friends. Fish is playing for fun. And he'd be forgetting units in the very back. You know what it's like? It's like that scene in Sopranos where Ralphie's making the fat guy play basketball with him, even though he's tired. He's like, come on, a little defense! And the guy just puts his arm out, and Ralphie

just runs around him and scores another layup. Come on, Ralphie, I'm tired! That's how it is with a couple of my buddies who are way more into other games than Age of Empires, but I have a bunch of friends, and we all jump on and play. And they'll be on my team, and i'll be like hey uh can you on your second monitor just pull up aoe companion and just like pick a build order and follow it it's gonna help you a lot

and they'll be like nah so then i'm like playing the game and i'm like guys i'm getting attacked a lot because everyone knows i'm the best player on this team. I'm getting harassed early. And they're like, oh, interesting. It's like they're just still. What are you going to do? They're telling SimCity back there they're hitting Imperial Agent like an hour. It's like, that's a terrible time. You need to be hitting Imperial Agent like early 30 minutes at most. And they're like, nah, I'm farming, bitch.

I'm doing my own thing in my own pace. I'm like, hey, you're playing the Franks. You want to go heavy in cavalry. And they're like, nah, I'm going unupgraded, shitty crossbows. Meanwhile, he's got like a peaceful colony growing tons of carrots. My younger brother, my youngest brother is a big time gamer. He's good at pretty much every game. My younger brother is not a gamer at all.

And so when I got him into Age of Empires and he'd play occasionally, i would always put him on my team so that i could kind of build around him and protect him and there would be times where we'd be an hour into a game and i would have my entire forward base built around his to make sure no one could get to him and i'd be like talking to my other ally and i'd be like brett i'm ally and I'd be like, Brett, I'm really getting pushed here. Can you spare some units? And then my brother would be like, oh, are we being attacked? And it's like 40 minutes into it, but he's just him sitting in the back. He has no idea. Yeah. And his move every single time because I would forget to change the win condition. I want to play win condition conquest,

which is you demolish their base. But I always forget and leave it on standard, which means you can build a wonder. And then a time starts where it's like, if you don't destroy that person's wonder in 200 years, which is probably 15 minutes game time, you lose. And so I'd be defending. And then suddenly I'd hear the music, meaning that my younger brother once again built a wonder. And I'm like, oh, you actually did something great. I'm going to keep defending. Like legitimately, how what's the most upset you get from from losing it at Age of Empires? Like, or you have gotten.

Oh, man, there have been some time in like interpersonal friend games there have been times that my buddy brennan and my younger brother will end up on the other team because usually it goes like you have this if there's six of us they're the number two and three players and i'm the number one player as far as like amount of damage you can do over the game and so they always end up on the same team and so every single fucking game that i play against them it's always like what's going to happen and i'll tell my teammates i'm like i'm going to get rushed by both of them in early feudal age and then they always rush me in early feudal age and i get tilted because i'm annoyed because i'm like in these fucking pieces of shit killing my villagers no the most tilted i've been in an online game was a dude

beat me badly and laughed at me it may it may have even been in a 2v2 i may i don't remember if it was a team game or an individual one but like he was beating us badly and kept putting in like the ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and then he put those taunts in and i didn't like that he called me king of the losers because there's a taunt that says all hail king of the losers and then he kept playing that over and over and it's how it's so dude upset enough that like afterward I closed out of the game and then paced around for a while. That's what I wanted to know. I was like, I'm not bad at that game. It's just that guy's fucking gay and he's way too into it.

People who are worse than me are noobs, and people who are better than me are gay for caring too much. And that level of shit. Dude, when your build order is perfect, and I'm like, that was of shit i was dude when you when you build up when your build order is perfect and i'm like that was a perfect boar lure that was a per i'm i have a good map because it's a rg like random number generator map oh i have three wood lines i can easily wall and you're like banging on all cylinders and you think in your head your way ahead and then you get steam rolled it's really upsetting i ask because i've been watching Pastilli play Tarkov,

so you probably don't know this, Taylor, but he does his regular account where he just plays Tarkov the way everybody else does. But then he owns six accounts. But then he does another account where he does hardcore mode. And hardcore mode is the same game, but it's full of self-imposed limitations okay so and it creates a game that is so punishing taylor i can't i'm not going to go into the nerdy details but just know that when i play everything that i get out of the raid i can sell for vast amounts of money you cannot and when i'm, I have that secure container that we joke about as our asshole.

It's our gamma container. Cause we paid for the good version of the game. And it's like three squares by three squares. I think it might be four by four. It's big. And, uh, I think it's three by three.

It's weird. I don't know. But, um, that's enough room to keep all your medicine in and all your keys and all your ultra valuables and if you find like oh this thing's worth five hundred thousand dollars yeah you move your meds out of your ass you put that in there and you can't lose that now when you die you go and sell

that you're like who cares that i died hi this thing's worth five hundred sixty thousand dollars my whole kit was worth way less than that i won even, even though I lost. He can't do that. He's got to keep everything out in the open except for keys. Dude, I watched his streams, the VODs, you know, after the fact, so I can fast forward through the loading screens and stuff. He's legitimately upset. Like, he's having, I know he's not going to cry, but I feel like I have felt the way that he feels, and that's when I'm, i could cry if i wanted to

you know he's to that level and he admitted it today in today's bodies like yesterday was so awful it was so awful i just lost after loss and just i win one and then three losses in a row and you're just right back down in the gutter you know no no no meds and he it was he's like completely broke he's running into the raids with like no armor no chest stuff like not even a backpack sometimes he's like gotta find a backpack like he's got up he might sometimes he's got just a pistol with six bullets because that's all he's got left he's doing some it's and and when he sounds miserable he'll find a big pile of money and he'll be basically collecting the money off the floor. Alright, we've got to come up here.

And you'll hear some asshole in the darkness with a silenced machine gun just instantly kills him. And he goes, Fuck! No! No! He'd get hit by a fucking semi truck for a moment.

And he'll get up and storm off camera and like compose himself and i'm watching feeling so sorry for him good content though it's good content but but his you know you'll see the chats in the vod so you can see them and they'll just be like no so sorry pest keep your chin up the chat is nice? Yeah, of course. It's Pestilli's chat. That's true. Don't imagine that he's failed three times in a row or he's been failing for an hour. He's been failing for

eight hours today. They've been here with him. They want him to get a win. I think Landmark's chat would not be so sweet. That's because he wins 90% of the time. Landmark's on top when you see him fall every now and then you don't feel bad about how much further ahead in the game he's always going to be than you with his 2200 in earphones i did i did get dude you talking about getting fucked up in games is reminding me of an aoe2 game i played like one

week ago online 1v1 and a strategy in the game is to get to castle age because that's usually the power spike of your civilization you go dark age feudal age castle age imperial age and you can drop castles in castle age and castles are the most powerful building in the game they shoot automatically they're super tanky they're expensive as shit and so a strategy is you apply forward pressure which i did harassing him and then i saved up and up for a castle quickly and then placed a castle on his base a forward castle which means it ranges a lot of his stuff and in my head i'm like this game is going so swimmingly it's going so well i'm winning i can see the score in the bottom right i'm ahead

and i'm dropping a castle right near his main base i can't believe everything's going so serendipitously and then like i finish my castle and i start getting the ding ding like you're being attacked alarm he has while i was tunnel vision castle on the castle on his base, he was building a wildly more effective castle on my base. And so then I'm like, because he didn't just build the castle like I did. He had a ready to go siege workshop right next to it and a town center. And so he's making villagers. And now he's collecting my berries

he says i eat your berries and i eat your cows and so he came into my base and now he's eating my resources and shooting at my farms in my town center and i'm immediately like devastated because i've gone from such an artificial high yeah because i've been killing his villagers all game i feel like i'm the man and then i see my base and it's like oh this guy's like me at this game but better but much much better at knowing what to do it was very frustrating it was a long battle and i ended up losing in the end i probably could have kept going the nice thing about warhammer is when you get butt fucked like that you can almost always lie and be like, just a bad matchup. When they pick this, and you pick that, what are you going to do?

Keep picking something different? Ogres could be vampires. I mean, you know. The ogres are not a good civ. I just love them. They have good vibes. It's a group of ogres. It's funny. They've got guns, too. It's silly. Yeah. The ogres are great. And actually, I would argue that in the 2v2s we do yeah the ogres are great and actually i would argue

that in the 2v2s we do the ogres are a good second team to have they're hard to move off the map points yeah my troops can all die and yours will still be there like suffering but i'll be back with reinforcements before they're wiped out it's a good it's a good way to play but i haven't played the game since you and i were playing it's been been like two years almost. It's been over a year. Yeah, we need to get back. That'd be fun. I still say that Turin guy would be a good guest. I find him to be interesting and just generally a nice guy.

I like his content. He's the only Total War Warhammer content guy I watch. I watch them all. I watch a bunch. Toby got neutered today. I took him in at 7 a.m. I felt so bad leaving him with those people.

We walked in and they have this little statue of a pug by the door. Toby's staring at the statue. I start petting the statue to fuck with toby and he's and so i got him really keyed up now and then this brown nurse comes out of nowhere with that

and some sort of dirty european accent and and uh he was and there was a real hank hill moment where like lady Bird was going after She's mad because you're trying to fix my AC. I was like, don't mind him. He doesn't like colored people. Is that what you said? No, that's not what I said. No, he used a different word.

A harsher word. So yeah, left him with those fucking people and they castrated him today. I felt so bad. I was worried about him the whole time I was here. Picked him up, and he's got that goddamn cone on his head and looks confused.

If he's getting aggressive at statues, it has to be done. It's true. If he's getting aggressive at Rocky, another dog. Yeah, well, yeah, he beat the shit out of Rocky, but like you said, he growled at a statue. Man, he's maybe over the top. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, he doesn't see a statue. Man, he's maybe over the top. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, he doesn't see a lot of other strange dogs, though.

That's part of it, too. He lives with, like, five dogs. Yeah, but not strange dogs. He attacked one of them. Well, you know, to be fair. That's a 20% attack rate. Rocky was trying to take that styrofoam plate with pizza grease on it. So Kobe couldn't have that.

He had to fight Rocky to the death. And then did he end up with a pizza grease on it so kobe couldn't have that he had to fight rocky to the death and then did he end up with the pizza grease plate no one ended up with it i threw i made a point of showing it to them all and then throwing it away and then like no you made a point see i told you the thing i do with the vacuum cleaner right they were scared of the vacuum cleaner so now when i get the vacuum cleaner out, first thing I do is I beat the shit out of the vacuum cleaner. I talk shit to it. I'm like, I get it out and I start walking around in circles like, oh yeah, you're going to come out and clean the floor, huh?

Where you been all fucking week, you lazy fucking bitch. And I start slapping shit. This is why we follow him. They watch me beat the shit out of it. So now when I turn it on, they think it's the shit out of it so now when i turn it on they think it's the hilarious they're no now they're not scared of the at all i'm gonna read the story to my wife they look at the vacuum cleaner like yeah you punk you're lucky number one already straightened you out or i'd give you a piece of my tail too you know they think he's the underling now they're

not scared of him that's true oh i'm totally you reset the hierarchy in their minds yeah absolutely because they think it's a monster you know and you got to let them know that it's your bitch it's it's not it's a mechanical fucking service here i am beating my dogs directly when i could be doing it by proxy yeah i'm a man and here i am sneaking into woody's house beating his dogs like make sure make sure that jackie like overhears but pretend like you don't know she's there and be like last time my dinner's fucking late and just start beating the shit out of the microwave just start slapping it around and she'll kind of have like a pavlovian reaction she'll be very afraid of having dinner late this is why i get all my relationship advice

from don't you know I can fucking Amazon a new you in a heartbeat, you piece of shit? Why does Hitachi even make microwaves? Fucking import, you dirty fucking substandard hardware piece of shit. They even improved on

microwave technology since 1955. Dirty cunt. They haven't? Huh? I don't think microwave technology since 1955 dirty cunt they haven't now huh i don't think microwave technology is i don't think microwaves came from 55 but anyway i think so i think it's earlier than that even because it probably uh when did microwaves go mainstream well hang on let me tell you how and when um so it was there was a radar technician whose uh chocolate bar melted in his pocket while he was operating uh the machinery there that's that and uh and from from there forward it was science and capitalism if there's if there is a thing that we're all doing right now that's causing cancer we don't

know about like what if it was microwaving our food? What if that's the thing? What if it's having a cell phone? Having a cell phone, microwaving our food, stuff we don't think about at all. The same way that we think like, can you believe that the Romans were so retarded that they had lead pipes for their water? What idiots? Like, there is stuff we're doing now that we don't know. what idiots like there is stuff we're doing now that we don't know and on a related note i bet there's stuff doing that some people know and they're just okay with it because of money like i've got monosanto in my head yeah using roundup on the crops uh i get it there's apparently some

evidence that says it's okay but it just seems like if it's fine it's not yeah but they're like they're really not the issue is real farm the issue the issue with all right so monsanto is a whole fucking pickle but roundup in particular causes cancer when you're exposed to it like i was my entire childhood we sprayed it everywhere i was bathed in vast fogs of it and we didn't know it caused fucking cancer that it's it's scary now to think about guess poison was bad but it kills everything as you know like roundup is like the grass killer down to and and they they develop those seeds um for various crops that are immune to it so then you can just bathe everything in poison and your corn keeps growing and then but but monsanto has

like uh cop i don't know if copyright is the right word, but patented their fucking seeds. But the problem is your farm will germinate the farm across the road. It's literally pollen coming out of your corn stalks, fucking their corn stalks over there. And now they have your corn, your trademarked corn.

Why are you growing my corn? I don't know. Your corn came over and fucked my corn. It'd be like if your horse got out and fucked their horse and they were hitting you up for like breeding rights or something like that. It's like, no, your horse kind of raped my horse. My horse didn't ask for that. But that's not how the law works.

So they blame the bumblebees. And so what happens is everyone has to use their seat and then they have a monopoly um so they're evil for lots of um oh wait so farmers lose cases where it just happened by pollination they're growing trademark seed yeah yeah they do it's like oh yeah it's like a monsanto has a stranglehold on a lot of farming and a lot of farmers are not happy about it i just didn't expect like i've had some business law courses right here's a unrelated thing semi-related let's say you're at a strip club and a stripper comes over and starts rubbing on you if you didn't ask for that if you didn't like you know i guess participate and join in you don't owe her any money there was no contract there if somebody comes to my house and mows my yard they can't

put their palm out and say pay me it's like no no no you can't just show up perform a service and and expect cash it seems like this corn thing is that times 10 like if i didn't ask for this if we don't have any contract with mona santo why do I owe Monsanto money? Um, because Monsanto is a multi-billion dollar corporation and you were a generational farm owner, which means you are always just this close to losing the whole thing. It is like, Oh, the crop didn't come in. Oh my God. Hope it does next year. That's it. We're losing daddy's farm. so taking monsanto on in trademark court or whatever like court they go to i believe that they they've all seen the writing on the wall that monsanto will spend whatever amount of money it is necessary to to break them and so it's best just to say

we're sorry we'll buy seed from you next year yeah like they're boys very powerful yeah yeah the court system being so expensive you can you know they went you know they went back on johnson johnson like i think they ended up winning back the whole cancer from the baby powder thing oh yeah johnson won in the end i think they won in the end i thought i read that recently that there was an appeal or something it wouldn't be surprising j and j is incredibly powerful women were spraying that shit on their I think they won in the end. I thought I read that recently that there was an appeal or something. It wouldn't be surprising. J&J is incredibly powerful. Women were spraying that shit on their pussies for years, giving themselves cancer.

But and and I think they manufactured baby powder with dangerous agents in it for. I think that talcum is just a dangerous agent or 60 years i think talcum is like i think i think the the active ingredient is the problem it would be like saying you've been making brake shoes with asbestos in them what are you thinking like they knew like talcum is the problem i think it causes cancer i think you might be right answer i wonder how it happened i made this assumption which seems to be wrong, that people were breathing in this really fine dust. Because as you know, you breathe in any fine dust, it's bad for you.

But it seems like it was something different than that. Ovarian cancer? Yeah, they put it on their sweaty, stinky pussies. And they get it that way. So it is written. It's definitely the way that I, I believe I've, I've, so it is written. So it is, it's definitely the science. I refuse to believe anything.

Otherwise that's, that's gotta be what it is. Cause I just imagine like those ladies in the sixties with their multiple undergarments and stuff like multiple layers on a hot summer day, you know, and like mate, there definitely wasn't the, the, the need for feminine hygiene that we, that we see today. I think a lot of people were hairier back then. And there definitely wasn't the need for feminine hygiene that we see today. I think a lot of people were hairier back then. And I bet they'd really dose that beaver with a good cloud of talcum to start the day. I bet it would get... I'm imagining it making this weird white muddy sections at the creases of their...

It like cakes up. It cakes up yeah it's up um what does it call a non newtonian fluid when you take like uh yeah that's what pussy juice is yeah well when you mix enough baby powder with it it becomes a non-newtonian fluid yeah yeah you can jump on it as long as i don't remember seeing i don't know i use baby powder on my babies so i have like a little bit of experience with this and i don't ever recall seeing white mud i don't know where it goes i think it's made not to do that i think maybe i'm using gingerly should be yeah it's job is to like keep everything dry not chafe i guess so it makes sense it would absorb moisture i always thought of it as powder anymore i have

never used baby powder i always thought of it as powder anymore i have never used baby powder i always thought of it as old man ball powder but baby powder sure but i never knew any babies yeah i i have no experience with baby powder outside of when i was i've never i don't remember the last time i saw a baby you don't remember the last time you saw a bit like out at the store like i mean i'm sure i've seen one in like a crowd but like up close and personal i don't think i've ever held one you've never held yeah i've held babies oh scary what if you drop that bitch well i'm not retarded so it's not hard you want to drive my lamborghini what if i gave you a 20 pound what if i gave you like a actually like a nine pound dumbbell and i was

like don't drop this you'd be like what are you what do you think i'm retarded of course i'm not gonna no i would say what happens if i do and you would say well you probably go to prison for the rest of your life yeah but you'd kill yourself long before that from the guilt of dropping it i'd be like what the fuck keep your dumbbell asshole keep your magic life crushing eternity ruining universe spoiling dumbbell to yourself you devious monster no i don't want to hold it it's a trick it it's greased up or something holding a baby is not stressful if you're not dumb yeah i mean you know some you do worry about it though like if you're not an experienced baby holder... Babies are pretty easy to hold.

They don't do much. However, if I gave Taylor a pug, and that pug freaked the fuck out, or better yet, a cat, you would struggle to hold it, right? So if you're not an experienced baby person, you might think it could have a cat-like reaction to not liking

you, but babies don't do that. No, it's just going to lump in your hand and you just hold that lump. It's like a sack of flour. Would you drop a sack of flour? Not likely. Are you so dumb that you'd see a baby's head hanging back and you'd be like, this is the correct way to hold it?

Of course you would. Support the baby's head. You'd be good. Actually, I think if you've never held a baby, it helps to have a 15-second lesson. I mean, I'm sure I'm able. I just don't want to because they're filthy little...

I don't know. I don't think much of people these days. I've been watching too much TV. Babies never spontaneously freak out like cats or pugs, but they do spontaneously leak. That is a real threat that's likely to happen. And maybe Coddus doesn't want to fuck with that. I just don't.

I wouldn't care if it could talk. I don't want to touch that dirty little monkey thing. They're usually not dirty. They're peccable. They look dirty. Yeah, that's bad parents. If they're not, babies just take breaks from being dirty That's, they're filthy little creatures

My baby spent most of their time Spotlessly clean and they smelled good I'm sure you had uniquely clean And wonderful smelling children No, I think it's just what attentive parents have Woody is a competent parent Who cared for his children Allegedly

Kyle's like, all these kids fucking smelling like shit look at what he's like no no you clean them for like two minutes we just get that situation handled immediately one of our friends Bobby's going around talking about my fiance

this my fiance this it's like 25 years old right 24 years old yeah young man his whole life ahead of him every time he brings it up i don't even like soften the blow i'm not don't fucking do it dude he should be focusing on getting his fucking build orders right because he sucks dick at age of empires i hope he hears this and gets his act together lose the girl get your fucking actions per minute up. Yeah.

Would you just fucking pull up a build order on the other screen, Vavity? Get your life together? Would you just do it? Why should he be my ally? And it gets to mid-castle age and I go, I need units here. And he goes, I'm still farming. No. I hate to hear a young man say that word, my fiance.

What are you thinking? What are you thinking? Oh, my fiance. What was what are you thinking what are you thinking oh my fiance what was that seinfeld say yeah that's not gonna go anywhere good i promise you i promise you just just just back off bob you don't i'm looking i see right now you're playing uh tarkov do that do that don't don't don't deal with her all right that probably a wrap, huh? I enjoyed our guest tonight. Gavin was fun. That was very intriguing. I liked his takes on things. I'm glad we were able to acquire him.

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Start winning the ultimate game. Go over to Gavin McGinnis' place. Tell him you appreciated him on the show. Hope he comes back again. Make sure he feels welcomed and not attacked or anything weird. Do all those good things. PKA 686.