Painkiller Already - PKA 692: President Hit Squad, Woody Humiliated In School, Shogun Rules

Episode Date: March 23, 2024

P.K.A. 692 Just the Boys. I thought our last Just the Boys episode was better than most. It's always fun. Yeah. You can be a little sillier. We were talking earlier. You deserve some congratulations. You did knock off or Putin knocked off one of your death list guys.

What do we call it? We call it the death pool. That pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably after the Clemson movie. I, yeah, yeah. Probably after the Clint Eastwood movie. I call this color blue. We came up with guessing when people will die.

I think it's a Clint Eastwood movie called The Deadpool. I think that was the deal. You guessed Alexi... What's his last name? Navalny. That's good. Golf clap for Woody. That's a nice victory for him. You guessed Alexi... What's his last name? Navalny? Navalny. Valalwelly? That's good. Golf clap.

Golf clap for Woody. Navalny. That's a nice victory for him. Kyle was close with... Wait, who did you get? You got someone who did die. I knocked off... No, no, no, I did.

Well, I... Look, I was the first one on this death pool, obviously, to get one right, because the rapper died. What's his name? The one that... DMX. Ah, so it's not so much you guys won the death pool. I lost. obviously to get one right because the rapper died the um what's his name the one that dmx ah so it's not so much you guys won the death pool i lost you are losing currently you are losing currently man i thought lil wayne was gonna be a good pick and i still it can't

wikipedia doesn't know if jorge garcia is alive so I could have won also. That's fair. I like the rules. I think everyone had to be below something. 50 or 60. Was it 50? 50 is like hard mode, which we should do. Oh, yeah, for sure. Because I hate like some guy has inside knowledge that this person just got into a skiing accident and was on death's door. That's fair. Otherwise, people would have been like we would

have been like oh i picked the queen and it's like oh well that's bullshit you can't pick a woman in her late 90s oh betty white no i like the uh the under 50 rule it uh it makes it interesting they're not going to die of natural causes usually they're going to fuck themselves up and that's why it's interesting to pick people who are more likely to fuck themselves up and saw the drug users thrill seekers and people who bears yeah and people who poke political uh alienators as well you know and we're in russia i hear every day um you know another magnate or oligarch or the head of this or that or the other suicide fell off a building drank the wrong cup of poison ah i meant my coffee one of my coffee but i grabbed my poison really a lot of people fall out of windows and stuff i think osha is

to blame not putin they don't have the regulations there that's what it is their handrails must not be very safe holding them yeah that would be a funny like political ad like like russia just doesn't have the standards left and and right. Politicians are falling out of buildings, off rooftops, down canyons, into rivers. They're like a list. Actually locking themselves on their balcony and freezing to death in the middle of summer.

All sorts of weird ways people die. It's like that one guy who hung himself and shot himself twice. Oh, I don't know about this one guys did that really happen yeah i think it did yeah was it a was that a politics thing i think there was a conspiracy afoot uh he was a witness or a someone who was a whistleblower of some kind if i remember correctly like there was reason to take him out and then then they found him hung and shot twice the shooting

twice thing from what i understand isn't crazy uncommon sometimes people wound themselves and are still there enough to pull the trigger again um but the hanging thing i don't know the whole thing seems weird to me are we talking about something else oh something else the guy who hung himself and shot himself twice that was just like there's just too much going on you know i mean i don't think he's at home either i think he was like in a uh out on out on the side of the road somewhere it's like i think somebody did this to you brother there's a whole article suspicious deaths of russian business people 2022 to 2024 so there must be a lot more well they just had had a free and clear election over there. I saw Putin got roughly 90% of the total vote. The other three

competitors, roundly, got about 3, 3.25% each. Something like that. Yeah, he's a big winner. It's my understanding that if the elections were free and fair, Putin would still win. I think so. I guess so. I'm not disagreeing with that idea, but I would be curious about how that data is procured. You know what I mean? Imagine a guy coming to you and saying,

tell me, comrade, if you were allowed to vote how you wish, who would you vote for then? Vladimir Putin. I thought so. I knew. Good guy. I saw you you igor i think good guy igor good guy igor no freedom for him do not need well he's the only speaker so who knows maybe there's a lot of just no charisma hacks going up against him there's like oh your meteor like like mort from family guy it's like oh i just want to be the president of russia and they're like oh this guy sucks well i think this

article of the dead russian business people some of them is like oh this guy's 42 he fell 12 stories out of his apartment window and it's like interesting and then they'll throw one in here Interesting. And then they'll throw one in here. Grigory Klinshov, age 92, found dead in his apartment. I think I've cracked the case. 92? That's a victory lap age. You're clearly right. You can't be dead in your 90s and make a conspiracy around it. That's insane.

Unless, like, imagine if three 90-year-old guys kick it the same day and they're all working for the same petrochemical place or something, though. I don't know. Putin seems so murderous, and what's interesting to me is that he has the squad to do it, because I know that we don't. And here's how I know we don't have that presidential kill squad, because Donald Trump didn't kill a lot of people.

We didn't see Rosie O'Donnell didn't get taken out by C-1. The argument I'm hearing is our kill squad's great. If Rosie O'Donnell had been hit by an AC-130 one night, I'd have been like, oh shit, he's got the trigger. He knows how to use it. Well, the Clintons hired all the good ones

and now Trump's on fucking Fiverr. You should have never put the murder Rosie O'Donnell button next to the Coca-Cola button on his desk. That was a terrible user interface. i will take care of this for 25 for you some indian guy yeah yeah i i don't think that we have that i don't think that there's i i believe that as a kid i remember as a kid maybe watching like x-files or something being like why doesn't the president just like go to that guy in the suit and be like go kill this dude for me he's talking shit because he'd have to do it right but i think he'd go report you

right away i think he'd go to like somebody and be like the president just asked me to commit a murder um i just wanted to know uh could we am i supposed to do those or do we do we rest are you kidding if the president asks you to commit a murder on his behalf, you think going to someone else and spilling the beat, they're going to go tell the president. The president just – you think you're the first guy that got asked? No. He's done this before. You're going to wake up. If I'm the second guy, then what happened to the first guy?

He clearly said no too. Maybe it's a test. What if it's a test though? What if the president wants to see if you're like his is not going to be his number one guy yeah but but he values that that you know like decent people and he wouldn't want someone who would kill someone on his orders and he's waiting for you to say no sir that i won't do and that's a terrible test yeah that's like that test where at the top it says, don't fill out any of the bubbles, sign and turn in now. Every single exam I got in college, I must have flipped to the end

because something memed that into my head that that would be something that would happen at some point where they'd be like, you're in some logic 101 course, and it's a bunch of specific questions. And at the end, it's like, you lose a point for every question answered because you didn't read my ethereal retarded mind when i gave the test and it no it turns out that they wanted me to fill out all the tests yeah shock of all shocks when i walked up there proudly and slapped that food science test down almost entirely blank he gave me an f he called my science yeah that was that class that was just a it was supposed to be a joke it was like my first class freshman year of college

me and all my friends in the dorm were bad influences on one another and in fairness the teacher wore a bolo tie every day and was a fucking goofball he was funny but he was a and he like oh go ahead i was gonna say i think i'd be good at running the educational system of this country i feel like i'd be the guy the one you'd want to call upon to make that happen because when i hear food science i just think that's a wasted elective like that really most of them i feel like most of the electives um all the only history like in high school like in high school did they teach you anything beyond like the basics of american history and world war ii i feel like everything else i know came

from the fucking history channel dude it was like american history was literally the complexity that the simpsons made fun of in that episode when apu becomes a citizen and he's like what the guy's like uh mr you know whatever what caused the civil war and he's like oh that is a very specific question and interesting because it was very multifaceted and different it's like just just say slavery it's like oh slavery it is then and then they go on he becomes a citizen that's what my america they taught us the civil war was about i uh there was a little time in the 80s when the motivation for this civil war was taught to be that the south was trading with europe and the north wanted the south to trade with them kind of exclusively and that's what the war was

about that's not what the war was about. Literally states are pulling out of the union saying we want to own black people and my school system bent over backwards to remove that part from the motivation? Silly. Yeah. History was like Much that we once knew has been

lost. Yeah, that's true. That's a little bit of knowledge that we lost there. They erased the truth from Woody's schools. They did. Or maybe they implanted the truth. Ooh, a little X-Files. Maybe there was no Civil War. You ever think of that? No, never considered that.

Do you know a single Civil War veteran? Do you know anybody who was a slave or owned a slave? I'm not sure any of that happened. I don't know any slave owners. Yeah, it's just this story that for some reason all of a sudden the northern states have some sort of like something over on the southern ones and they oh you were bad those are the racist states now i think it's a big ploy big democratic ploy yep the those dastardly democrats came in there well What did you get taught? Did they just say slavery for you?

Well, Mr. Mackinson showed us a video called... The title of the video was The Civil War Was Not About Slavery. That was the name of the cassette that he put into the VCR and wheeled that little TV out for us. He was also a member of the Sons of the

Confederate Veterans who came and put on a performance for us one afternoon. We all got to go out in the field behind the high school and sit Indian style out there in the grass and watch them put on their Confederate uniforms and march about, wave their flags and such.

Was it realistic? Did they get their asses kicked? I believe the South won. Didn't the South win more battles? Yeah, the South won a lot more battles. Yeah, it wasn't realistic. They won the battle. It's funny how people, like, every war is like,

the winner is like, yes, I win in a Titan. And, like, usually it's pretty close. But, so, no. I wouldn't say there was any propaganda hammered home. Like there was just that one day we watched that cassette and then that other day where we watched them go up out there and bandy about in their uniforms and such. The only reenactment I've ever seen, which is when you've got the north versus the south and they're shooting the blanks. The south did not win more battles. I Googled it.

Was it Wings House? Yeah, of course. The northern website would say that. I googled it. Was it Wings House? Yeah, of course the northern website would say that. Google. I don't trust this Missouri, Georgia little factoid. I'm going to check this out. I'm fact checking

this. When the north is allowed to count the battles suddenly the numbers are I'm like, how did they win more battles and lose? Which can happen. I think that's what I'm told about Vietnam. But I think that's what we did in the American Revolution. Didn't Washington lose at least as many

as he won? His thing was he was a good retreater. I think we lost a lot, but we won the bigger battles. Washington kept retreating battle after battle, but he did a good job of it. He'd save his cannons. He'd keep his men alive, and he'd live to fight another day. That's the problem. The South was a regular season team.

The playoffs came around, and the big battles, when they mattered, the North won. Gettysburg. Yeah, Gettysburg. That's a big one. They always ask, what would you do if you had a time machine? Go to Gettysburg. You'd flip that? You'd bring a machine gun?

I just want to watch. What are you talking about? No, no, no. I wouldn't want the South to win. That would be terrible. If the South had won the Civil War, it would be awful. What happens during World War II

then? You know what I mean? Unless the South does what they did. Unless the South does well, unless they do what they did in the CSA, which is a fantabulous little mockumentary that I go on about every time this topic comes up. And they conquer

the North. Lincoln flees to Canada in disgrace. He's later captured. So is Harriet Tubman. They were on the fleet together. Harriet Tubman's quoted as saying, Mr. President, we both ninjas now. And then after they're done conquering

the North, then they conquer all of Mexico and a little bit more of South America. They keep going. They have a border wall with Canada. There's a real potential for a Canadian war. I wasn't liking it, but all of Mexico and a lot of South America?

Yeah, and the Caribbean. The Caribbean, all that stuff. Yeah, they just keep going. That's a better country, right? So that'd be a better future. I mean, for most of us. You know, not for black folks, though. That would be a problem.

I don't think, yeah, one, I think black people would not be in favor of that country. Also, in real life, I don't know, does the South take the North or just secede, like was their plan? No, they would have just seceded. Yeah. And there's no way if the South went... Like, the North rebuilt the

South. You guys were broken, broken, and worthless, and we built you up again. Worthless. Yeah. We needed you to keep us alive for the next winter, so we quickly helped you build your buildings that we burned. Yeah, we were running a scorched earth civil war campaign.

You weren't worth shit. You hadn't done anything. Your slaves did all your work for you. So the North also a working society. Hey, hey, that's my story. I'll tell it how I want to. So we came down there and rebuilt your rubble ruined society that we

wrecked for tits and chits and giggles. And I doubt the South would have done the same noble act. Yeah, the South? I don't know. Did the South burn a bunch of northern cities? They weren't really the pinnacle of morality. I think you have a skewed view

on Reconstructionism. Don't you tell me, Mr. Dulles. That we did learn about. We learned about those carpetbaggers. I remember that being a we did learn about we learned about those carpet baggers i remember that being a fucking vocabulary word we learned yeah uh-huh you remember carpet baggers those cocksuckers coming down here uh no you're in the middle though missouri was we were waiting it out we were seeing who was gonna win both sides we played both sides so we always come out on top. The Mac of states. I must be mixing up Missouri with another...

But yeah, when I drove to Wing's house... It was like split Mason-Dixon line. It was so weird. There was a Civil War battle happening five minutes from his house, like in a field. They were rolling up on each other, North versus South, shooting black powder and cannons. Damn.

Man, any sort of cannon war? After seeing that Shogun clip and then going on YouTube and watching some of those chain shots, turns out a lot of the examples they have of those, like, ball and chain, like, swinging shots, I guess that was huge in naval battles because they aimed at masts, and you could just rip a mast down

and then once the ship has no mast it's like, alright, you guys gotta either surrender and give us your shit or we're just gonna win. We're gonna kill you. We'll swing back around in two weeks when you're hungry. A naval battle would have been hell, especially with those cannons.

You ever seen the end of Master and Commander? Yes. That's a that's a sick series he's walking down those stairs everything's blowing up the sea is no joke so i've been watching these sailing videos have you guys seen these on youtube there's like a whole genre that's sailing labagabon i can't say it uh created and now just oh my god one fucking sexy couple after the next sailing around the caribbean and i saw this woman she wasn't a couple she was by herself and seemingly there's no land anywhere but she must not be too far because she found a coral reef and she goes out swimming by herself

there's barracuda everywhere and she's's like, feisty barracuda. Shoo, shoo. I'm like, dude, that's scary. But what's double scary is like, what if her anchor gives way? She's alone, alone, alone. There isn't another site in 360 degrees. The horizon is all water. And she's out paddling around the coral reef.

Like, just check it out. That sounds so scary i would want that sounds like she's a smart video maker and her boyfriend is below deck give her some back shots you'd have to be really funny but there's no boyfriend did you get the footage it's like a 27 foot like i'd see the other people you throw me the camera then i'll throw you the ladder these people were in 15 000 feet of water when they decided to go swimming the other people. You throw me the camera, then I'll throw you the ladder. These people were in 15,000 feet of water when they decided to go swimming. And what they do is they throw a line out with a fender on it, which is like an inflatable bumper to stop you from

hitting the dock. It floats. And anyway, so now we've got a line with a fender and they jump out and they hold that so that the boat doesn't get away from them. And it's this guy and the girl. They're like two feet away from the boat holding this line. And she goes, let's go out to the fender. And he says, what? No, no, I don't want to do that at all. He did to his credit.

But it's just like, I don't know. Why don't boats have hover technology? Like loiter technology. There should be a computer that tells the boat engine how to loiter. Like sit right here. Like you don't have to sit still. I'm not making a rifle shot. But I'm going down there to get some oysters or whatever the fuck.

Don't leave me. I don't think you even want that, right? Because what you wanted to do is drift like you do. And to be fair, if you're going down for something, then clearly there's enough room for an anchor. But in 15,000 feet of water, though, that's... I guess it doesn't matter if it's 15,000 or 15, but something about looking down and having no... It matters when you look down.

You look down and it's just an abyss of fear. Yeah, but I drown in either one. You drown in a fucking puddle. Something feels... It happens to me when I'm flying. I fly routinely. My happy place is somewhere around 2,000 to 3,000 feet. And every once in a while, I go to 5,000.

And it's like, whoa, hold on tight. Is this safe? As if 5 5 000 is more dangerous than three it's the same death but swimming feels like that too like i i felt safe in eight feet of water but not in 80 yeah um and you get accustomed to those heights like i've worked on roofs before and after a while like 12 or 15 foot roof even if you go up to the peak or whatever and you're really up there like maybe 15 all right i'm not that scared i wouldn't die hell i'd hit it hard but i'd i'd get back up you're not even afraid of it anymore and then you go like one

story higher and you're like oh no oh oh you're like sweaty palms my feet my feet just got sweaty thinking about it that is more dangerous though going from 15 to 25 yeah you go to you're going to the hospital 100 if you fall off a two-story i think my co-worker fell off no my co-worker's husband fell off a second story roof and he got hurt like brain damage like long recovery um but what happened so he was working on the roof and something happened he fell or slipped he doesn't have a full memory of it but they could see the scene where it happened and i guess he grabbed the gutter with his fingers and the gutter gave way and that gave him a lot of emotional comfort like i didn't just fall off and go down like a clumsy asshole i would have been

fine if that gutter didn't give way yeah like clark griswold putting the lights on the house you ever see that clip in christmas vacation he's he's hanging on to the the uh the gutter and finally it gives way and so the gutter peels off the house and sort of swings hard and but there was a frozen chunk of ice in the bottom of the gutter that like spears into the neighbor's house like goes through their window destroys the entertainment center but it's like the perfect crime because then the ice melts and they don't understand

what caused all this damage. It's like James Bond came and damaged their VCR and shit. And I saw a green text and it was called the piss disc. You take a plate and you piss in it and you freeze it and you create a piss disc

and then you can slide it under your neighbor's door. Dude, I was shocked when you sent me a green text of that it and you create a piss disc and then you can slide it under your neighbor's door dude i i was shocked when you sent me a green text of that because i remember in middle school this guy joe telling me about piss discs hell yeah this predates that this would have been of course pre-4chan obviously yeah so it's a classic prank but i'm on unethical pro tips. Do you know this subreddit? Yeah. Yeah. So people will ask for advice.

Like, uh, I've been asked to share a cube with the woman who farts a lot. I need some unethical advice to get this cube back to myself. And the shit you hear is outrageous. Here's an actual example. A guy said, Hey,

my neighbor is going to move out and make his house an Airbnb. How can I benefit from this? And a bunch of them were like, oh, OK, you want to stay there and then you have a key made and now you can stay there anytime you want. Just go to Airbnb and see when it's booked and when it's not. And I'm like, all right, that's actually kind of dope. They're like, yeah, and you want to stay there one night, by the way, this is your investment. You get the key. You also get the wifi password.

You're never paying for wifi again. Just cancel that shit. He's your next door neighbor and he's got wifi. You're done. And they had this whole litany of ways that he could bet it. They were suggesting that he download all the pictures with the key and also rent out the Airbnb. Not even his. pictures with the key and also rent out the airbnb they're like all right here's what you want to do you want to get wrist deep in a few felonies oh for my for no gain for no tangible gain you get bad wi-fi

you want to be like go in there and you're like oh there's no water he's airbnb and this is way worse than my house. I'd steal power and water if that were the case. If I thought I could get away with it. I think I would. Although like Jesus, that's such a small amount of money. Like I looked at my last month. I think my gas bill was like $90 and my electricity was like 30.

Like what kind of scheme are we running here? We're profiting $30 a month stealing electricity? Yeah, and the amount of time you're spending. And you probably get stressed out at some point, so now you have anxiety over committing a litany of crimes. I hope that cord doesn't overheat in the night! What, did I leave something in his house?

He's gonna find me! I know Airbnb doesn't allow cameras indoors now, it's a new policy, but if they ever where to catch you. It'd be so humiliating. How would Airbnb, like they're not sending anybody to inspect your house. I guess you turn the way it works. So the way I've stayed at a ton of Airbnb, Airbnb's and without fail, the way it works

is the person has a cleaning company that goes in and gets the place spruced up eight, 10 hours before a person's going to stay. And sometimes you just wouldn't have enough. You'd have to be, you'd have to have some sort of bot checking that, that thing and notifying you that someone is going to stay there to have any chance of getting out of there. And then, like I said, the cleaning people are on their way. You couldn't stay there. There's no way you get caught. But what if you live next next door which is like the most purposeless thing yeah like what are you vacationing next door like what do you what are you doing yeah like the only way to really benefit is like i don't know put a tag on their front door to like stop lawn service and be like actually cut the other house or maybe like if you were all right if you're already a criminal

like let's say you're like a you're a drug dealer a real drug a very low level shithead criminal maybe you sell your drugs out of the next door neighbor's house and then if anything ever does go wrong you know you're just going out the back door into your back door to where your drugs are actually kept but you only recognize this man on camera? Yeah, that's my neighbor. I see him all the time. See, there he is, peering through the blinds. He's opening a far too wide... He's that one, holding the crack pipe. I used to have a key.

I used to work at a hotel, and as such, I had the master key that opened every door. This is back when you used metal keys. That's fun. I didn't have any way way or at least a good way to know if the room was taken or not but i would just sort of roll the dice sometimes like well it's 9 30 p.m and no one's checked in probably good pretty good that they're not coming at like 10 at night who you know yeah so uh that job is really fun initially so you go in there and lay

down on the floor if i wanted to just like, I use the model room typically and just do nothing because I was allowed. You wouldn't need to use a regular room. But if I wanted to bang my girlfriend, I would use a regular room that no one would walk into. How nefarious. Well, I'd have a better spot. I mean, that's the best spot imaginable when you don't have a spot. It's like, actually, I own a hotel. You hold the master key up.

And you're 17, so she believes it. Like, what, do you think I stumbled upon this monocle? I prefer really dumb girls. You ever read Richie Rich, the comic? Yes. So when you're working at the hotel, really dumb girls you ever read richie rich the comic yes when you're when you're working at the hotel is it like you first get the master key and you're like wow i can look at any room and then after like three you're like okay well this is just work yeah oh my it was the worst i wasn't paid very well and they wanted me to do jobs that were hard

so i would always like here's the deal i was hired to give pillows and like plunge a toilet now and then just be on call at nighttime and then they'd be like you know what i want all the carpets and all the hallways steam cleaned i'll get that guy who's here overnight to do it in all the hallways steam cleaned i'll get that guy who's here overnight to do it and i'd do it 15 20 minutes tell them like i just i'm doing my best it's not coming that clean i'll get back to it that was it because i'm like you pay me like a fucking pillow runner you get a pillow runner that's it steam cleaning floors is not done for five dollars an hour yeah no well it was the 80s yeah no it wasn't but uh are you cleaning floors now is this a side hustle no i want to say you know it might have been 89 but it could i want to say it was like 1990 yeah but you're not far off yeah i can't remember i just had a brain blank i was i was listening to

something about trump or someone and there was there was something about a 85 million dollars but it was like 1990s money i wish i could remember what it was i was following trump a little bit today it looks like they're gonna start taking his properties okay it does look that way i agree i based on absolutely nothing except a lack of consequences for his first whatever 72 years i think something will come through somebody will bail him out or the courts will change the rules be like all right they'll rustle his hair a little bit and tell him 50 millions fined as a bond i I don't know. I think the longer all this stuff continues, the better it is

for him come election season. The longer that he can sell that like, hey, look at me. I'm being victimized. These lying judges, these press, they're coming after me. They're going to come after you too. They can't get you if they're going to get me. He can play that and that will be like red meat to his base like it's it's just

i think it's this whole thing was a bad tactical move leading up to the election i saw there's you can always see that like the left or the right they'll kind of get put their heads together all right this is what we're gonna say this week we're to say that milani is mia we're going to call her like a missing uh first lady we're going to say that she's like a nazi too let's just slip that and then but then like this week there she is with him um like like in front of the press and they're like what do you think about the 450 million dollar and he's like oh we've got a great company great company got a lot of great assets. But now they want the cash. They're trying to take my cash.

And they don't want me to campaign with that cash. And I'm watching Melania the whole time because her normal face is smiling like a model. Do my model smile. Smile, smile, smile. But when we go to that, she knows to go to a frown, serious face. And when he makes points, it's great. It was great. I when we go to that she knows to go to frown serious face

when he makes points this is great it was great i was glad to see that she's part of the team again because at times she's clearly i'm sure it's been hard for her social life i bet she's the type of gal who has a bunch of rich lady friends who go and do rich rich lady shit together and it's hard to be around them because like all of the political entanglements. He probably said something about their husbands. There's a lot going on. Secret service might have an impact on your social life.

Maybe. Maybe. I would think that was sick. I would love to have secret service protection. I feel like that would be a cool flex. Arnold, he's looking out for us. Don't worry. I'm very important to the president. I don't think I'd want him

lurking all the time. I don't want him passing judgment on my unproductive days. That's what I like. What'd you do today? Like, well, I kind of just played fish tank until 5 p.m. You kidding me? I turned that right around on his ass. What'd you do, Arnold? You watched me play, fucking play fish tank all

day. You watched me tend fucking play fish all day you watched me tend to my coral bitch now shut up and go over there protect my life with yours you just play a single player game all day and you're like you know i have a second controller at work you want to be a beat cop again i don't think so man i'd love a second person to play fifa with uh charles go pick up my friend yeah like tell him i'm really curious about the political impact of these trials that taylor was talking about it um i mean you can't deny that in the primaries it hasn't hurt him it seems i don't know if getting 60 of the votes is good then he's doing great uh but i don't know if it's good it. The left wants to define him as an incumbent

that should be getting 80, 90% of the votes like Biden is, but he isn't really an incumbent. Right? He's running for reelection, but he's not really an incumbent. And then even after Nikki Haley pulled out, he still got like 65% of the votes. He was the only candidate.

So there might be a sizable protest vote out there that's turned off by him you know what's gonna hurt him though he's spending a lot of money on this so that he his campaign war chest i'm not sure if you've been following it it's fucking pitiful the whole rnc has eight million trump himself has like 40 million and biden himself has like 155 million and that doesn't even touch the dnc they're out fundraising them like crazy and the difference is the small donors the small donors are not giving trump money this time around there'll be another protest vote election people will either vote for trump out of protest of like

fuck all these establishment people or they'll vote for biden because they hate trump so much oh we got this one wrapped up i do think that's true i do think that they'll either be voting for or against trump biden's out there what's he doing canceling people's debt what's trump doing being fucking sick playing golf no i think he means sick in the good well he wasn't being sick can you read today i did see he's a good leg he's been dragging he literally won a golf tournament last week quote unquote one and I did see he's a good golfer. He's dragging his leg. He's been dragging it. He won a golf tournament last week, quote unquote, won. And then this week he's concerns as Trump drags his leg and holds on to handrail. That's so funny. I don't think he won the golf tournament legitimately, but he competed in a golf tournament last week for sure.

I could believe he won a senior golf tournament. It was his tournament, and from what I'm told, he's allowed to shoot his holes separately and just report his score. Oh, well then that's not how golf goes. Yeah, you can't do that. Is that real?

That's so funny. Reddit told me. He's done it before. He has won other tournaments where like the tournament happens and then on sunday they think they know the winner and he says nah nah nah on friday i shot an even lower score i'm the winner oh shit that's great just owning yourself that'd be sick being a billionaire i'd start my own hockey league i'd like i'd make sure that i got the vladimir putin treatment like ovechkin's on the ice with me and it's like oh man that's really struggling on defense tonight look at that like

like dude the clips of putin playing ice hockey were the most absurd propaganda i've ever seen out of russia the most bad like if you haven't seen really because he rode the horse look it up no that's anyone can ride a horse shirtless. I believe he was shirtless on that horse. And you can put me on a horse shirtless and ride it around. Let me pop this off. But if you've watched, if you have any familiarity with the game of hockey at all, and you see the way that he stick handles like back and forth,

it is learn to play like, there are 11 year olds better fuck you too no you you would have beat him you would do a simple poke I used to be able to play granted I'm thinking he's like 70 at the time but even so like it was if you've ever seen like kids play at the all-star game in the NHl where like brent burns will like bring his son or something and then like all right little timmy burns go take a break away on carrie price one of the best goalies of all time and it's like oh carrie price like dives out of the way lets the goal in like that's you could see the panic in the eyes of the russian goalie who's like i don't i'm going to have to anticipate where he will shoot and it is unironically harder than with an NHL player

because there's no predicting this. And you just scoot back and out of the way, not even a dive. You don't want to accidentally make that save, man. I saw a hockey clip, and I didn't know what to think about it. So here's what happens. One hockey player hits the other one pretty hard, sends him into the boards. But on the outside

the the player who did the hit his mascot the guy wearing that silly suit is on the outside holding the glass in so the hits extra hard so the glass doesn't flex and they and they hurt the guy and you can see yeah and you can see like once the guy goes down the mascot being like yeah you remember what the mascot was so i can figure out the team it's finnish hockey i think oh yeah those boards are intentionally flexible and they move a lot and uh taylor might know more about the specifics of this but they went to a system where the boards were maybe they removed the supports from in between each piece of glass.

So now each piece of glass had to be strong enough to do it on its own. And players were getting hurt because they didn't flex. So they went back to supporting the board so they could use weaker boards. Does that sound right, Taylor? Yeah, something like that. I don't know. Why not springs? I want springs or some sort of foam trapped between two walls nascar has great walls i just found the

clip it's on the uh hockey reddit yeah finnish hockey league that's that's pretty scummy of the of the mascot because it's already someone's got a train pretty it's not like a wrestling bounce where you're like oh oh! You don't bounce off it like that. It still hurts to get hit into the board. I can just imagine. They're like, shake and bang! But in Finnish. That's pretty hardcore for Finnish hockey. I've never heard of that

before. It's so coordinated. It's pretty spot on. Really? The Canadians play the hardest brand of hockey. And probably americans up there too russians surprised there's no so surprised there's no like south americans playing a hardcore version of street hockey or something in their in their tropical climate they should street i mean you lived in live in georgia there's no way you played street hockey as a kid

it was hitting me so much fun street hockey ruled need a street for that yeah oh i guess that's true gravel is a terrible way to play street hockey yeah yeah looking back it's like why were y'all getting me those bicycles for christmas where did you think i was going to pedal it like i remember i'd get like every other christmas i would ask for a bicycle because that's just what you asked for as a kid i guess and and there it would sit as it rusted because where am I going to fucking go? Peddling it through waist-deep

wheat? Through the fields? Through the corn roads? Sinking in? A quarter of every hockey game as a kid was moving. My cousin did burn himself really badly and it scared me. He fell and the exhaust pipe fell on his calf

and gave him this really nasty blister the size of your palm, and it really freaked me out. So I would ride the ATVs, but I never wanted to fuck with that dirt bike after I saw that. Of course, he had no gear. Yeah, I was going to say, I've had an exhaust burn my protective gear before, but I've never been burnt.

Shorts. It's fucking shorts and maybe not even shoes. burn my protective gear before, but I've never been burnt shorts. You know, it's fucking fucking shorts and maybe not even shoes. I'm really good about wearing equipment, but it is a pain in the ass. Like it is. I mean, if you're dirt biking,

it's not a pain. Like you really want that gear. But if you're like picking up a prescription and you're going to change your whole outfit for it. Yeah. It's a pain in the ass. Yeah. I can see just hopping on the thing and zipping somewhere but then dude today i swear to god today when i woke up i scrolled through reddit

and there was a motorcycle victim gory as fuck like his top half had been turned around the other way and sort he was in two pieces basically but not quite yet and And it was like, oh my god, what did he hit? What hit him? I rode about a month ago was the last time I rode. I think I'm going to sell it. I'm riding it less and less, and I keep getting scared of being torn in half. I think

that's a good move. It wouldn't be the worst. If I would just look back on your whole motorcycle experience and call it a win. You rode it. You enjoyed it for a while. I even crashed it. Your interest shifted, and you never got hurt the whole time.

Yeah. You never got a better outcome than a lot of people get. I bet a majority of motorcyclists at some point get at least a minor injury, right? I wouldn't think so. I wouldn't think i don't think i mean i got a couple of them already i don't i can't yeah but you're crazy like what you do like the hours that you put in i bet i think most people ride their bikes like i do like when at first i probably rode it twice a week and then twice a month and now maybe once a month, like you go on those crazy trip, um,

treks and trips that amount to more motorcycle riding than most owners ever do in like a couple of week period of time. I feel like the hours and hours on end during a day, nobody does that shit. Yeah. Yeah. And some of them, I feel like they're undercounted,

like a mile going on highway 40 or Interstate 40 is one thing. A mile with a whole thing was like dirt, gravel, and mud should count as eight miles. It's hours at that point. It's more like a tractor. Are you going to get into tractors now? Maybe trains? What's your next thing?

Are you out of the locomotion game? I was never into tractors. Let's do it know i grew up with tractors like operating backhoes and all sorts of tractors so i never saw the appeal to that um that people would want that as some kind of a fucking hobby that's like you want to be a janitor or something but uh no not trains not trains the trains are so lame i think i'd rather get into tractors than trains trains are dope I don't want past any stones because I don't think you own any trains yet

so I'm going to get my hits in now before you're a train owner you know what I mean like later on you might buy some trains and I'd have to zip it up but man them trains are fucking lame as shit alright even the giant tracks where like they have

where it's like oh look it's a model of the Swiss Alps. Unless you went down to a closed down mall and got the one that they let toddlers ride around in circles in the Santa's village, then I'm not interested. You better have a real steam powered locomotive before I'll show any interest. If you're not shoveling coal, you've got a toy and not a cool one. OK, what if it's a toy that burns coal? got a toy and not a cool one okay what if it's a toy that burns coal that'd be a little bit neater if you had a tiny little shovel of a tiny little coal um and you made a tiny little slave shovel it um i'd be into all that i guess but but no no i don't want the track in my garage or my basement or my like fucking like would you commit put it around your living room and kitchen i mean you

have to right those drinks aren't going to deliver themselves. Now that's a different story. Oh, I remember seeing that in a... I just had a childhood memory going back to when I was four. My mom would take me into this place and they had a train that ran the perimeter of the walls up high, round and round.

No. No trains. No fucking trains. They're so lame, dude. I think of Bobby Bocchia bacchieri and sopranos with his stupid little conductor hat he got the he's got the overalls with the stripes on the hat off the hat was really what was ruining him that thing was like eight thousand dollars that train that he was buying yeah i know but like he wouldn't have looked like such a goober if he wasn't wearing the overalls and the hat. And if I'm really into trains,

you know what? I'll just say it. I thought that was kind of neat. I thought it was... Oh, man. Man. You know, it's not happening. I saw him playing with it, and I'm like,

that does got to look like fun. You're, like, stressed out because you have to kill people all day, and you're getting yelled at by Italians, and then you just get to go and relax with your trains. Early in my career, I had a coworker who was into trains. This was back when I was an accountant. And this guy, I mean, he's already cool, right?

He's a Southern Republic accountant. And he built trains and he was totally into it. So what he'd do is he'd, like the trains where he lived in like Pennsylvania, New Jersey, he'd take pictures of it. And then he would recreate a mountainside and he'd even repaint

the graffiti that was next to the train tracks so he'd have an accurate representation of like some septa line outside philadelphia and uh when i saw pictures of it like i saw pictures and he'd have the photograph he used to create the scene in the scene and i was like fuck like you really that's it that's it you nailed it like you've captured our local train system in your basement and i thought it was neat yeah i think it may not even be the train part that's as appealing to me i like the model part i don't know if that makes it better or worse but like the mimicry and like he's got like like fake snow on top of the trees like It really looks like a scenery

that he made. I like the mechanic. I want you to lift my locomotive and think, oh, this is curiously heavy. Are you telling me it really burns coal? Yeah, there's a steam engine in there. I want you to get into trains, Kyle.

You're trolling me right now. I don't think so. It took me a second. I me a second I was like Taylor really likes no you don't no you don't you don't like the snow on top and the scenery you're fucking with me right now there's no fucking way I would get into that Warhammer 40k shit where you paint the little figurines and like set them up in a little uh planetary battle on and everything before I do that well and that's also a game I don't know how the game is played but i know that like you can bring all your toys yeah we roll to uh again like roll dice and be like all right got a bad roll can only move fucking one

one grid my understanding is that's you know you've got every you've got points that you use and you're rolling die and and the characters all have um intrinsic values you know attack points and defensive points, and there's a cohesive system of rules and everything that you use to cast your army that you've meticulously hand-painted at theirs on some fake scape that you've created out of an old air hockey table.

I would wager that's a big pay-to-win hobby. Do you have an old air hockey table? No, I'm not doing any of that. No. I don't like air hockey. I mean, you're super into warhammer like no i'm never paying and everything i already said i'm not getting into that shit and painting the little characters and everything that's the bridge too far for me that's

too fucking lame um plus i don't have the artistic talent maybe if i thought that i could because i'd end up having to buy them and they're stupid expensive to pay someone to hand paint each one it's it's not and aren't they like aren't they just plastic like they're not even metal they're stupid expensive to pay someone to hand paint each one it's it's not and aren't they like aren't they just plastic like they're not even metal they're just plastic pieces that's my understanding yeah that kind of takes away from it i could be wrong not feeling like a like if you bought a dragon that was really heavy and metal that'd be kind of neat but if it's just like 60 for a squad of space marines and it's eight of them and they're all plastic it's like oh i've been had yeah i don't know how expensive probably

i know doesn't the main uh uh what's that dude's name the the superman actor who's in the warhammer henry cavill isn't isn't that this the version of warhammer he's into like he does the uh the tabletop he does tabletop yes he plays tabletop he has multiple i'm sure Warhammer he's into? Like he does the tabletop? He does tabletop, yes. He plays tabletop. He has multiple. I'm sure he's a millionaire many times over, and he has connections. I'm sure he has all the armies or many armies.

I've heard him speak about it, and he knows more about it than I do, which is frankly saying something at this point because I spend a couple hours a day just listening to lore about it, and I have for a couple years now. But he's super into it, which gives me a lot of faith for him running that amazon show has he run any other shows no i don't think so i think he was trying to um help help i don't know but i know he

was trying to help out on the witcher which is what got him into trouble yeah it's tricky like when you're the actor and you're just like criticizing the showrunners in the script even if you're right that's not your job um but now it is his job and i hope he does a great job i would love to like something uh i'm doubtful it seems really ambitious for a first time showrunner yeah so without getting too nitty-gritty into what warhammer is and what warhammer 40k is i don't know what the show's going to be and there's no way of knowing what the show will be because it could be the great big overarching plot um to me i said this the other day and i thought it it was spot on like warhammer is like if you took the

bible and mixed it with star wars it's it, it's, it's very close to that. So there, so there's a guy completely fictional. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so.

Yeah. Um, and, uh, so, so he could do a gigantic story about the main characters as it were, the, or he could do this small little story that's just on one planet where

there's one war between two factions and it could be so so it could be doesn't i don't know what he's gonna do take place over like a ungodly amount of time yeah yeah it's 40,000 years yeah it's tens of thousands of years um of history and then there's also current events so like like there are current events happening right now they're in the 41st millennia the year 350 or 450 or something roughly i could get into a show that had a new cast every year like i was gonna say like an and this the whole world of warhammer lends itself to like a really entertaining anthology style series where it's like a you know 10 episodes on one war on one of the fucking

rat planets. And then the next one is totally different. Maybe they go back in time 500 years and it's a war with the tyrannids or something like, and if you don't love it, then you know that the next season will be something different. I'm thinking of, um,

the wire. I don't think you've seen the wire Taylor. I've seen. Yeah. First season. Okay. Uh, so the second season has a whole new set of criminals there is a little

commonality amongst the cops but it kind of feels like we're starting fresh every season there's a new group of bad guys that we're pursuing it doesn't just hang over or american horror story might be a better a better one yeah thank you kyle as i process it i'm like there's a lot more overarching plot than in the wire than i gave it credit for but you know if it went from game of thrones to house of dragon to something else season by season by season where it's the same universe but a whole different cast yeah try that to me the better story so there are stories about like the emperor and his 20 sons which is basically god and his 20 angels um half of which turned evil and half of which stayed loyal, roughly. There's stories that focus directly on them,

but they're so godlike and powerful that it's silly almost. I almost want them to do one. Remember the book that you read that I sent you about the Krieg? The Krieg are this super warrior planet. All they do is make babies to go fight and they have this...

They want to die for the emperor because their planet rebelled hundreds of years ago and so now all a kriegsman wants to do is die for his emperor and who almost throws themselves into the most dangerous part of the most day that's what the the request when they finally came back um after their war had ended then the the people who rebelled against the emperor had been all killed, and the planet had been poisoned in the process. They send a message to Earth, and they're like, hey, we got it now.

We're loyal to the Emperor. We're sending you some ungodly amount of... We have 1,600 regiments ready to fight. We only have one request, that we be sent to the worst engagements, the most dangerous battles, wherever the Emperor will throw us into the heat of combat.

We pray this. And they're like, oh, shit. Okay. And so now they're like the most hardcore of hardcore soldiers in the 40k unit. As far as humans are, they're just regular people. There's nothing special about these guys, other than the fact that they never take their gas masks off ever,

which is pretty hardcore. And they kill people with shovels which is neat too yeah they need the gas masks to breathe on their planet their planet is poison so they just never take it off and so they often operate on poisonous planets um their horses have gas masks too they ride horses that are like genetically engineered super horses that also never take their gas masks off um they're super hardcore it's it's a fun story yeah um something like that would be a good show but does anyone yeah they get into these like engagements where they'll lose like millions and millions of their men and these artillery engagements that last decades on planets but they'll just grind the enemy down the main the main thing that humanity has going for them, besides the super soldiers,

is there's just so many of us. We have these hive planets with a trillion people on them. One city will be many billions and billions of people just built higher and higher where we just breed people to go fight. I watch the

sci-fi YouTube videos like you do, where humans are always like top of the food chain and when they're not top of the food chain they still are like yeah we retrofitted cannons to like merchant ships and we have this pirate

navy and but we're so clever we still win all our fights and it's like you know I'd like the humans to suffer a little bit. Why are we always the heroes that step forward when nobody else will? That's true. It's like when I play NHL season mode and I go 82-0. And then I go 16-0 in the playoffs, 10th Stanley Cup in a row.

No one on my team is even like – the names are totally made up, like meant to be like a Finnish-sounding dude. There's no satisfaction there anymore. Once I've gotten Vladimir Tarasenko to 1,200 career goals. I forget if you told the story of the ones who run on PKN or PKA. A little bit of it. Do you remember? If it's PKNkn i assume most people haven't heard it that's yeah probably pkn um okay i don't recall exactly though anyway the humans are this race that everybody laughs at and people choose this motto and it's

like you know we're the ones who crush we're the ones who smash we're the ones who are brave and the humans said we are the ones who run. And everyone, also, they did a lot to avoid war because they were just sort of peace-minded by default. But when pushed, they attacked back and won. And then they'd go to the next planet. They went there and there and there and there and just start wiping out this other race. They take out all their leadership. Their leadership goes to this planet where you can't go. There's like an ion field or something. And they go there anyway. And it's a woman and she just

chases this guy and chases him and chases him and chases him. And eventually when she catches him, he's like a deer who has run too far. And she captures him and they invent technology that gets her off the planet. And they're like, the ones that run? That's kind of not right. And she's like, that off the planet and they're like the ones that run that's kind of not right she's like that's a translation error we're the ones who chase

and uh that is just typical of all these stories humans regardless of where we start are the heroes of it and it gets a little redundant yeah yeah yeah It's always that some particular attribute of humanity sets them apart from any other race, really. Sometimes it's just our love for our children. There's one where like we were already beaten and enslaved. But like a video went out of one of the aliens killing a baby in a mother's arms and then her beating the alien to death before being killed. And like it just sparks this revolution that, uh, that, that,

you know, spreads like wildfire because everyone sees that video. And, uh, so it's, it's usually different. They pick a different attribute every time. Um,

I like the, the, um, what's that form of hunting where you just chase them until they die. Pursuit hunting? Persistence hunting or something. Yeah. I think that's it.

Yeah. I liked using that one as one of them. Those little sci-fi stories are fun oh I was going to tell you you might not know I think the second part of Invincible started coming out but they didn't drop the whole second half I think they just started dropping one episode at a time

that's good though at least it's something I watched that with Colin somehow they're dragging out like 8 episode cartoon over the course of three fucking years or something like that i know animation takes a long time to do good grief how long did it possibly take they were doing animation in the 90s and they would have 35 episode seasons you could just ask bing to animate this script and it'd be there

yeah everybody would have fucked up hands, but whatever. These characters have a lot of fingers, but suspension of disbelief in this space. They're not humans. That's definitely better animation than some of that 90s stuff. I bet if I went back and watched... I know the X-Men's having a big revival right now, right? Because they're rebooting it. They're picking up...

I thought Super Heroes were going out. Dude, well, this is got that woke retro feel to it. So this is going to kick off a little. So X-Men 97 is the continuation of the X-Men series, right where it ended back in like 1997 or whatever when I was a kid. It was

my favorite show. It was by far my favorite cartoon show when I was a kid, the x-men that intro i love that i'd hear that i'd run to my room i didn't box 21 let's go i never never got into x-men no it's great it's got sexy women there's titties and ass everywhere it's a little thoughtful there's lots of like depending on your age there's allegories you know it's a little thoughtful. There's lots of, depending on your age, there's allegories. There's lots of stuff about coming out as gay or AIDS, a lot of AIDS stuff. They use the mutant sort of thing as a parallel for that because right away, certain senators are wanting to, we need a mutant registration list. We need to know who has these powers, and they don't have the same rights as us

there's gonna be a huge amount of sense if you have a population that can summon fire like that i can summon fire well summon it from your palms and like fire it and like bring a bowing out of the sky right after we register mr pyro over there i'm gonna want to come into your uh come into your house whether you like it or not i'm gonna come into your house whether you like it or not. I'm going to come into your house whether you like it or not. We're going to look around for any firearms because if pyro needs to be registered, so does anything you might have. Yeah, we're going through your floorboards too. No, we need the

guns in case the fucking pyro guys tee off one day in case an Iceman comes to my house. Don't fuck with Iceman and he won't freeze your family. I don't like that tacit threat that's how life works you could say the same about you and your gun

don't chew my ethernet cable don't do it are you on your last one I have a backup I'm on my second to last one Murphy's been chewing all Kyle's electrons my poor little dog broke his fucking leg he's so pitiful

i don't want to pick him up because he's finally found a comfortable spot but like he's he's it's the pomeranian puppy they're outside playing toby catch a ball and when i got man i swung him at the fucking wall i'm tired of hearing him bitch uh toby toby like jumped and when he came down he like fell on the dog a little bit. And I guess it just, it broke one of the bones and his forearm on his right front paw. So he's in a, he's in a splint right now and he's medicated. Stop chewing it or I'm going to kick you. I'm literally no.

And, and he's, we're going to see the orthopedic surgeon later this week. I have a suggestion about the cords. They make vinegar. Yeah. Oh, vinegar is convenient because you probably have it. I was going to say the stuff they put on fingernails for nail biters.

Yep. They make a spray for dogs. It tastes like the bitter part of pecans. It's disgusting. You accidentally get it on your hands. Now you're not allowed to eat for a while. I bet it would work for fatties like if you if you took a fatty's like silverware away they'd probably don't use this stop he's got it in his mouth the whole cord dude they're that bad because they play through the pain they'll go with their hands they'll go

with whatever eat like a pig in a trough i do like this idea like like if your girlfriend's put on a few pounds just like make her fingers taste bitter. No, I just spray her with a water bottle. She won't touch another goldfish. She won't touch another scoop. You think she's eating trail mix with those bitter fingers? No way. Oh, look at him.

Oh, he's got, oh, is there a pattern on it? I wonder what it is, Bones. Oh, there is. It's a little dog. It's a little dog. I mean, it's a little dog wearing a cast cover. Clearly a little dog. I can't make out the pattern.

That's such a cute dog. I love those little dogs so much. I'm glad that he went with that and not another giant. Although, I guess his dogs aren't giant. Toby's pretty big. I'm with you, man. I like big dogs i'm all about them i like the cuddling on the couch dude cuddling when the dog weighs 140 and lays on you

get your fucking weighted blanket out of here this is where it's at he goes and takes his man size shit in your yard like oh my god we're on the driveway that's what i wouldn't like i would not like just being able to see my dog shit from like a hundred yards it's plausible deniability that's enders baby that's enters it's like yeah well did ender have corn too what do you know yeah he's seven feet tall he reached up he ate it he's got what he wants He reached up. He ate it. He's got legs. He's got reach. What's on his cast? Was that little dogs?

Yeah. I genuinely have no idea. Wow. The first cast they put on there, I went to the emergency vet the other night, and the first cast, they took one piece of cast material that was a light color, like a light pink,

and they cut it into a heart, and they glued it onto his cast, and then they took another piece that was slightly smaller, that was a darker red, like a light pink, and they cut it into a heart, and they glued it onto his cast, and then they took another piece that was slightly smaller, that was a darker red, cut into a heart, and glued it onto the first heart. And I was like, $960 for this? One heart?

Yeah, you may as well have broken both his legs. The dog didn't cost that much. No, dude, there's nothing more expensive than a dog for 950 yeah i mean it probably the real savings is on the third and fourth broken leg did i tell you about my daughter's rat yeah you mentioned she has one oh all right so this is maybe three weeks ago trusted the rat's wheezing. She's a good animal keeper. She really likes it.

The rat's wheezing. She takes it to the vet and he's like, she ended up in the emergency vet. They take the rat and they're like, this wheezing is noteworthy. This is an issue. They have all these tests

they run and run. It's like $5, all these tests they run a run it's like five thousand dollars oh right meanwhile a rat's like 30 bucks but she likes this old rat that she's had for years but moving to the end of the story she gets one test run like on the thing that was either is it like the cheapest test but like she thought it had the right like risk reward ratio and i don't know if the test wasn't useful but they put it in like a hyperbaric oxygen chamber the whole rat because they can't they don't have a little face mask for the rat so they put the whole thing in this chamber and two hours later it's like a new rat she's breathing great wings right it was just under a thousand bucks like 960 or something damn that's a lot for a rat that's she could have bought like 30 rats

what a joy that would be i like to imagine you take a rat you take a rat to the vet and you give it to the guy he takes it back and he comes back out he's like oh my god i'm gonna be realizing this that was a rat i took care of it though don't worry about it you know but that is that was a rat i was at her apartment last weekend and i i went to check out the rat i was curious like how to work out and stuff and i'm like you know is this rat friendly and she's like yeah yeah that rat's super sweet like can i put my finger in the cage? Oh, no. Don't do that. Not unless you want to know what color your blood is. So that's what passes for sweet in the rat world.

Does the rat bite her? Similar in Hedgehog World. She can hold the rat, but she also can read the rat's reactions. She speaks rat. She knows when the rat is ready to go back in the cage or not feeling psyched. Yeah, I'm going to stick with with traditional pets a rat just doesn't how long don't rats live an alarmingly long amount of time no the opposite like 18 24 months i think oh all right well i'm sorry i've got to rewind then how old is the rat that we just took to the vet i don't know yeah

but it's not a young rat she might have spent a thousand dollars to extend its life by six months or something that's fair you know it's it's i bet she's happy with the purchase yeah she earns the money yeah yeah you know that's what i'm saying i bet she's happy with the purchase oh i mean i don't give a shit i didn't process what you said yeah i was i was like 9 50 that's a little steep but we certainly weren't going to do anything different. There was option A and there was option A. We're going to take him to the vet. Now, I kind of wish we picked a different vet.

I think there was, I literally Googled emergency vet. And the first thing that pops up is like, we're a different kind of emergency vet. We're not going to rip you off. 40% less than the average emergency vet. And you could touch a button for your appointment and they were all like 40 minutes from now till midnight and i was like oh man this is the one this is the one that's not the one we went to that's not the one we went to why not i wasn't doing the driving i guess i got sent i got sent an address and i just assumed that it

was the the fantastic one i found on my phone it was, it was that other one that charges you $950. What app do you use to navigate? Uh, I use ways if I'm doing like a serious drive that I, that's, you know, more than five, 10 minutes or something. But if someone just sends me an address,

I'll let my phone default to Google maps on its own because I'm just going around the corner or whatever. How complicated could it be? I don't need the police notifications, the roadside shit. But Waze is great because in case you don't know, it notifies you about any number of things. And you can tell it what you do or don't want notifications on.

Like, all right, I don't care about the mattresses. I don't care about the stalled cars. Tell me about cops and red light cameras. Give me a beep and a loud one. Turn my music down when you do it. And it'll like hook you up with all that. But at the same time, as you drive, you're picking up little

Candy Crush tokens. You go. And I like getting them Candy Crush tokens. And Woody, you can be a Waze team player. You can be the guy who's like, it'll be like, hey, is there still a mattress? And you'd be like, got it. I do that on Apple Maps. Is there still a speed trap here yeah i saw them too i always lie though i'm like

nah it's gone you're a terrible team player i don't do that he's scummy as fuck um but i i remember the cops or maybe a police union or who knows what some cop organization was going after ways at some point because of the cop notification part. They couldn't sit there in their cruisers not doing shit robbing people. It's literal highway robbery. It's literal highway robbery. Highway robbery used to be a thing, for those of you

who don't know. There'd be a bend in the road that was little trafficked and there'd be bad men there. And they would rob you. They still are. They still are. They still hide at the bends, too. They still hide at the bends.

You just have to be in an area where you can't drive real quick. Like, if you're on the highway, of course no one can rob you. But if you're, like, driving through a slow area, it's like when you drive through East St. Louis, and, like, it's well understood,

like, just kind of, if it's late at night, you ignore those stop signs. Oh, I meant the cops were the highway robbers. If you don't stop, they shoot you. Oh, well, yeah, but I don't think they're doing it to rob you. They are. That's what quotas and speeding tickets are all about. I feel robbed. I feel robbed every time. If I pay a speeding ticket, I'm spending money on something I didn't want. That's robbery. And some towns are genuinely built to do that.

I remember there's one coming out of the Tennessee mountains heading back into Georgia where you might be going 60. It might be like a 6-0 speed limit. And then it's like 45, 35, 15. Whoa. All in one quick little secession. And I got pulled over there in the 35 spot. You were going 67 in a 35. I thought I was going 67 in a 60, which was just borderline.

Yeah, which was 30 yards ago. That's how the small towns near where my grandparents live. I got a warrant in Tennessee or something. And he had to call and fix it on the phone. yeah like that's how the small towns like near where my grandparents live southern missouri or something and like he had to had to call and like fix it on the phone didn't have to go anywhere i think you know why what would you have a warrant in tennessee for because i didn't because they wrote me that awful ticket coming back from tennessee and i didn't do anything about it because i didn't get anything in the mail like like they're like all right well this is blah blah blah i'm like i'm not from this state forgot about it i'm not gonna remind them because I didn't get anything in the mail. They're like, all right, blah, blah, blah.

I'm like, I'm not from this state. They forgot about it. I'm not going to remind them. Yeah, I'm not going to remind them. It's not that big of a state. You can just avoid it. It's hard, though, when you live in Georgia and you want to go north. Just an extra seven hours. That is a terrible state to have to avoid, though,

because it's so long. Well, I guess it depends where you're going but i'm like don't you go south carolina north carolina up if you go north i suppose but not when you're in atlanta like a lot of the road if i'm going like you know north like uh illinois i used to go up there a good bit for the for the legal weed which is awful um georgia's trying to close the, um, the hemp, uh, loophole right now.

I know that they were discussing it today. Um, the last, yeah, right. Uh, for real. Um,

the, the last update I got was that it had been tables for the year. Like that. They, I think they introduced the bill. I don't know much about state legislature and how, how all that works, but I believe the bill was introduced or maybe they, they opened discussions on it introduced the bill. I don't know much about state legislature and how, how all that works, but I believe the bill was introduced or maybe they,

they opened discussions on it on the fourth and it's now the 21st. But I think today I read that the skinny was that they had tabled it until potentially next year when they would look at it again, because it wasn't really going anywhere in committee. So that's good. North Carolina did it already. It's the closed loop. All all right make a short story long we were all products of our environment i have a friend who's very like he's towards the red side and he works in new york

fashion and i'm convinced if you were to switch us i'd be the guy who just absolutely fed up with these fucking cry bully liberals and, you know, pushing around. They all have the power in this fashion industry. And he just needs to sort of shut up and do a good job to get along. Cool. I'm in North Carolina. I, on the other hand, porn is outlawed in my state. Weeds outlawed in my state.

Measuring climate change is outlawed in my state. climate change is outlawed in my state and republicans are getting fewer votes mostly i mean i say that because our governor's democrat but the gerrymandered state stuff is out of this world it's like 12 to 3 or something like that even though the votes are 50 50 they've gerrymandered it terribly and i bet like it just came up into my head because kyle's like oh they're gonna outlaw weed like yeah we're a step ahead of you this is what happens when republicans get all the power they just not in missouri we got good guns we got legal weed yeah touche yeah yeah you guys we're just the most based state i'm looking at some north carolina laws and what you know what i wanted i wanted

the ones like you just mentioned that it's like man we have that but i got the silly one you know you can go jail for using the small font uh if you sing off key you're breaking the law marriage no they don't see that fucking song parody i put out no swearing in front of dead bodies. This hasn't been enforced in over a century, but the video at hand is so great. Using a fake name in a hotel is against the law. What's that? What again? Using a fake name while checking into a hotel is a crime.

Crime. So is having premarital sex in a hotel. Can't do that either. Why do they keep those around? I guess that you just don't get around to changing. There are no happy hour specials in North Carolina. Like, for those that you just don't get around to change there are no happy hour specials in north carolina like for those of you don't know what you don't get discounted apps you can no no it can only apply to food they cannot discount drinks at 5 p.m

oh that's that's fascism we get discounted apps and drinks during happy hour here's interesting here's what's something interesting in huntersville north carolina it's illegal to sniff glue i think it's illegal to sniff glue every fucking where what do you mean they can't keep you from sniffing glue are you kidding me like it's definitely a crime to sniff glue really right i thought it was just kind of like frowned upon like what the fuck you know hang on a sec i'm not. Is there a crime against sniffing glue? Now, I know you can't. Yeah, it'd be like. You can't drop.

See, I'm always seeing people driving and sniffing glue. So, so I. Well, you can't do that. You got to do it in the safety of your own home. Or whippets. You ever see the lady gets pulled over and she's got no joke. So many whippets in her passenger floorboard that you can't see the carpet. You sent me that video.

It's nothing but whippet. She loses a lot of whippets. Does glue still get you high certain glues will like airplane glue like like my the kind of glue that you would use for projects the really good stuff crafting glues elmer's glue okay is that ca glue what is the name i forget the full name of it i probably couldn't pronounce it i i don't know the name of it but but the glues that would do that are those crafting glues. Like airplane glue is what everyone always says.

To me, plumbing glue, like PVC glue, has that smell where I'm like, this would get you fucked up. You ever smell that stuff, PVC glue? No. Oh, yeah. It's an intoxicating smell. You're like, man, I kind of want some more of that. That smells good. I'm not even kidding. It's like... Really? Like off one sniff, you're like man i kind of want some more of that that smells good i'm not even kidding it's like really like you really want to get in there

yeah it's not like oh chemicals it's like oh like gasoline you ever smell gasoline and it smells kind of nice you're like i'd like to get a little more i've heard people say that gasoline's not my cup of tea though from a distant gasoline smells better like high octane smells better if it looks like piss gasoline's like human hydration right if it looks like yellow uh if it's that dark yellow stuff it's like 87 octane it's that trashy gas but if it's like 110 octane it looks like water it's clear it's it's insane you're talking about huffing gas right now because literally last night i was scrolling on amazon i hadn't been on Amazon Prime Video in probably five months, forgot I had. So I went on there and I was looking at all the new stuff.

And there's a Philip Seymour Hoffman movie. And so I searched on there, Philip Seymour Hoffman, because I love him. He was great. One of my favorite actors. And one of the suggested movies they have on there is about him huffing gasoline in the movie called Love, Liza. was like looking at the movies they had and then i would search it have you seen that no a movie about him huffing gas i didn't end up watching it i'll watch it because i love uh philip seymour hoffman but blew my mind i only read fucking half the wikipedia article but it i just watched him the other day while the whole movie i i found out my girlfriend had never seen a mission impossible movie not a single one and i wanted

to show her one because i think they're very good i like like legitimately they're very good action movies and i didn't want to start with the first one because it's so old and the second one has directed by john woo so there's like slow motion and i've only seen the first one the third one has philip seymour hoffman as the, and he didn't know it was a Mission Impossible movie. He thought he should be a monster. He should be like a fucking horror villain. And he is so scary and upsetting. Like Tom Cruise catches him and like whoops his ass,

gasses him, copies his face, makes him look like a fool, fakes his death. Now Tom Cruise is in his plane with philip seymour hoffman tied up and he's like got you now philip c and he's like what are you doing what are you doing i'm going to find some i'm gonna find her whoever did you got a wife you got a girl i'll find her whoever you love and i'm gonna hurt her and i'm gonna make you watch there's not gonna be anything you can do and i'm gonna hurt her and i'm gonna make you watch and there's not gonna be anything you can do and i'm gonna hurt her bad that's what's coming just like and he means it

he means it because he does get like like it's he's so scary in that movie he is like those mission impossible movies always have decent villains but philip seymour hoffman is legitimately one of those actors that you really wish there was more of. And even the small roles like punch drunk love, he's the bad guy in that. I haven't seen that one. Adam does some new stuff. Yeah. You know,

imagine if actors were like Tupac, we're like all of a sudden there'd just be a new Philip Seymour Hoffman movie. That would be great. Coming this Christmas, uncle buck to John candy's back for uncle buck too that's what they lead that technology off with uncle buck too yeah that's what are what are the best philip seymour hoffman this is a good question for you kyle oh i liked um it's because

i love that guy and i haven't seen he has one with joaqu has one with Joaquin Phoenix where there's a cult. The Master. I've seen that and it's very good. I thought that that was the first time... That was when I took note of him as a really, really serious good actor. I have to see somebody a few times before I

even remember who they are or recognize their face, I guess. He pulled the man master to me. Charlie Wilson's war. I haven't seen that. Yeah. I don't know. He just had a particular force about his performance that resonated

with me. Even when things were kind of going hard for him, he had an edge. He had a plan. He did a great job. Yeah. He had a plan. He did a great job. Yeah, he's a topic. No, go ahead. Who's on your Mount Rushmore of stand-up comedians? So that's four.

Okay. Okay. I think Louis C.K. has got to be on there. He didn't make my cut, but he made one of the... He got removed. Louis CK has got to be on there. He didn't make my cut, but he made one of the... He got removed. Louis CK. Norm MacDonald.

Trying to think back to the old ONA days, but then I'll be like, Jim Norton's stand-up, I would never put him anywhere close to my... I thought you put Patrice O'Neill on yours. Patrice O'Neill, but he doesn't have enough of a catalog. His one really big special elephant

in the room is hysterical. Honestly, yeah, Patrice should probably be on there because I like his special elephant in the room. We might have no overlap. Any other special? Norm Macdonald. Carlin. He got bumped off my list.

Pryor. And mcdonald carlin uh carlin he got bumped off my list uh prior eddie murphy and um um carlin prior eddie murphy i'm probably i'm probably gonna say chapelle just because those are the ones that that we got bumped off my list those carlin was so bad late in his career like it was just fast talking no non-jokes but he had a late career i don't know i i enjoyed the word play that that he would do sometimes um i like why is she with i don't really love comedians who think they're the only smart person in the room like that particular style irritates and grates on me a little bit so he just oh everyone's so stupid they don't see what i see like yeah get over yourself fucknard but uh here's my list chris rock louis ck did i say i removed him eddie murphy and bill burr bill burr was so great in his early career it's just the last couple i've seen from him

wasn't in the style that i enjoyed from his earlier career i mean that's what carlin did to me i felt like you know how when an athlete stays too long sometimes their legacy is hurt even though it's their years and they're like upper 30s it still drags down your opinion of them entirely that to me is what carlin did at the end of his career just too much of the same old everyone's done but me routine yeah yeah it's like the like the last carlin specials are just like eight minutes of him like rattling off a memo memorized diatribe and it's like is a punchline coming like is because you're just like listing dates you memorized and like feigning shock that other people didn't also memorize your opening monologue like yeah i don't think carlin's that great man i can't think of a good fourth one louis ck

and insulin at least he managed what control his fucking insulin okay well if patrice o'neill wouldn't have gone into diabetic coma and died. He'd still be hilarious. Was he crossing the street and got hit by diabetic coma? I hate when that happens. He was. Yeah, that's what happened. That is what happened. Yes, Kyle. Did the diabetic coma fall off the top shelf because somebody stacked it poorly? Patrice went out on, well, not on top because I think it was

posthumous release of his special. Yeah, Patrice is on there for sure. Norm MacDonald, Louis C.K. It's real easy to say Patrice had a great career when he didn't get to have the end of his career, right? Yeah, he didn't even get to have the mid of his career because he died at

42 or something. If you kill Pryor or you kill Carlin, you know, two specials. Patrice O'Neill's one special is funnier than anything George Carlin ever did, by far. By far. Not close. i need to see it because what i know patrice o'neill is just him being very good at debating but not like making a point just mocking the other person yeah and i i saw him debating this person and i forget the details but he was like where were you during this march and she's like i was in that march i was there i marched for this cause that you're accusing me of not

supporting and what could have been a wild zinger right an absolute nailed patrice he's like oh i didn't know that well thank you that's right and then he moved on and just kept owning her and it like he really minimized the shot that she landed i was like oh well done right yeah you know like the old anyone out there listening who hasn't heard much of patrice listen to the old opiate anthony clips of patrice o'neill it's hysterical he's so funny him and jim norton and anthony cummio were such a great trio tearing people down no he was he was funny in all sorts of ways like the vibe of ona was like undermining and like taking like shots at each other all the time so that's even his character on the office

though he was a piece of shit there's a video of it's an old ona where chris rock i believe it is talks to patrice on opie and anthony and is like patrice what are you doing man you should be chris robinson right now you should be on the office you should have those lines and patrice is like i know and he's like and chris rock's like yeah you're funnier than chris robinson like you would have been that guy if you could have got along with anyone on that set and not come in like you were like standoffish to people and you're six foot six and so a standoffish six foot six guy is kind of intimidating and so like he even patrice didn't figure out until way too late that he had to play the game i enjoy when a titan put someone in their place it happened on the

howard stern show i've talked about it before but um jerry seinfeld came on the howard stern show and stern was talking about how his TV show would probably beat the Seinfeld show if only it had the Seinfeld budget and he's like really really Captain Underpants needs better lighting is that your problem is that why your show's

canceled and it was you know Seinfeld's funny he delivers it better or Son of the Beach Bartman was his MTV stupid Arthur Eager or Son of the Beach. Fartman was his MTV stupid. Arthur Eager's Son of the Beach was his TV show. And it was just like, fuck, Jerry's not the least bit intimidated by him, and everybody else is. No.

Yeah, why would Jerry? Although Howard probably should have mentioned that young ass girlfriend Jerry had when he was 42. Jerry's like 42 with a 17-year-old girlfriend. I'd have pivoted to that. I think they're still together. Am I wrong? I'm not sure. I would be surprised. I feel like the story

would be Jerry Seinfeld with his wife when she was 17. Yeah, you're probably right. Who got groomed and stayed with him, though? The president of France. That Macron guy? Oh, yeah? He's probably supposed to pronounce it like a croissant it's probably a macron but that guy was like i think he married like his school teacher or his like private nanny or something like that and she is the first lady of france to this day like 30 years older than him yeah like there are pictures of her and him when he is a child

child and she's like this a teacher good-looking 30 year old woman that is fucking weird yeah but uh i i had to like look up so i could jog my memory i think number four would go to mitch hedberg for me that's a good i'm almost torn between him i was gonna say i'm almost torn between mitch headberg and steven wright but uh because they both have such similar styles i like steven wright's voice more it's more like you know baritone and that adds in his delivery but mitch headberg was so clever and funny and was like it was endearing because like if you read about mitch headberg he's like he was so anxious every time he went on stage and like was was a like a nervous nelly like that's why he would stand so still and like look down almost like let his hair cover his

eyes sometimes but he was hysterical and he thought about things in a way most people didn't which is what you need to be funny and i find that endearing in fighters gsp who you probably heard of he's one of the greatest of all time, was terrified before every fight. I remember, I think it was Cerrone who was fighting on the same night as him. He went back there to see GSP, maybe after Cerrone, but before GSP went up there. And GSP is like, fuck, this guy is so scary.

Why do I do this? Why is this my job? And it turned out GSP really liked training, but he really disliked fighting. Yeah. There was that documentary from a few years back called The Enforcers or Enforcer, where they talked to a bunch of former NHL brawlers

back when that was a bigger part of the game. And some of the interviewers would be like, oh, so by your eighth season of being a brawler, that was bigger part of the game and some of the interviewers would be like oh so by the you know by your eighth season of being a brawler that was just part of the game right like you just show up no nerves and they were like no like it was awful i would like throw up before games sometimes because i would know all right we're playing the blues tonight that means i might have to fight chris pronger and he's a tough motherfucker and he's gonna at least land a handful on me and i'm gonna be feeling like shit the next day and i don't know how many more of these i can take to the head because i'm in my

eighth season as an enforcer so no i was not calm i was in a constant state of panic in my nhl career because the only way i had my job was if i did this because i couldn't skate like the other guys i couldn't shoot like the other guys i I couldn't shoot like the other guys. I couldn't pass like them. I'm living my dream. But in this one way where I have to do it, I have to play the game in a way I don't want to to stay in the show. I was watching an enforcer on TV and the story he told was so perfect. It's as if he was talking directly to me.

And he says, you know, that feeling where, feeling where like you know you're going to get into a fight after school that that guy's going to be waiting for you at the bike racks and i'm like yeah yeah about five times and he's like you know the butterflies you have all day long knowing that this fight is in your near future that's how it felt knowing i had a game that night and that that guy was on the other team and i was was like, fuck, you felt like that? Because from the outside, it looks to him like fighting a fellow enforcer is preparing a 1040 for an accountant. I do this all day. This is not scary to me.

There's a different breed of guy. There's likes to fight guy. That's what Jim Rome always, he's sports radio. That's Ryan Reeves. He'd be like, oh, and then likes to fight guy shows up. Guys like, you can see the guys in the UFC who are like, just have that dog in them where they enjoy it. I guarantee you, Tony Ferguson just likes hurting people. He likes beating people up.

It's part of his thing. What's his name that's like the bare knuckle badass right now? Oh. Something diamond. Michael Perry. I'm going to close. Michael Perry. Yes. Yeah. up it's part of his thing what's his name that's like the bare knuckle badass right now uh oh um something michael perry i'm gonna close michael perry yes yeah yes mike mike perry loves to fucking fight i bet he's beating somebody up right now i wouldn't doubt it my favorite clip of a fighter getting into a fight outside of the cage is him knocking that old dude out at the restaurant and then sitting down and waiting for the police he's like i ain't going nowhere i'm gonna be here when they get here i'm telling my side of the story i like the um dudes uh i've seen two i can only remember matt

sarah was one and another one i can't remember his name ryan hall they both had fights in like diners or restaurants or something have you seen seen them both? It's pretty cool. With the Michael, Sarah, what the fuck is his first name? I just said it. Anyway, with the Sarah, the guy who beat GSP, he got full mount, sat on the guy, and then was just explaining his case like yeah everyone i didn't start this fight i don't want to be here i'm holding him until security gets here once

security gets there he explains like hey you guys got him because he's gonna want to fight me as soon as i let him go so i need to know that like we're doing this transfer the other guy ryan hall ryan hall looks like a librarian can you find a picture of Ryan Hall, Zach? And he's eating his food and he eats like an inmate almost. He's got his head down and his shoulders forward and he's covering his plate and he's just eating, minding his own business. Couldn't be minding it more. This guy walks into the restaurant and starts fucking with him, pushing him around and whatever. Everyone at the table's giggling that someone has the audacity to pick on ryan hall because they know what a badass he is but if you looked at him taylor i'm sure you would assume you'd have no trouble with this guy i'm looking at

yeah just normal look i mean the ears would ding ding ding like okay okay yeah that's true but this guy didn't catch that and by the way he has that expression throughout all of his fights. He looks bored and disinterested. He does. I have all his pictures up here. Just like, oh, my God, when can I go home? He just is never excited. And anyway, he quickly took Mount. And while he was taking Mount, the guy losing was complaining that the guy's being an asshole.

And his friend is telling the drunk guy underneath him, guy's being an asshole and his his friend is telling his the drunk guy underneath him you're being the asshole he's being nice to you right now he could do anything he wants to you and he's choosing to peacefully restrain you it's a great video it's cool i like it those are the things i like when people have the superpower and they use it responsibly not mike perry knocking the fuck out this 72 year old man who thinks he's doing the right thing yeah i think we watched that was that at the bar yes but i didn't see what led up to it like why this guy was trying to get mike perry out or whatever i don't know what his motivation was for hitting him but even so like you you can't do that exactly that's really inappropriate

yeah you're beating you could beat them to death right like i i wouldn't hit a 72 year old guy who was acting like a shithead and i don't know how to fucking professionally fight a long time ago i was in target and i wanted to know who sang that song. Hey Delilah. Well, there were like 13 year olds in Target and I was like, they're totally going to know, you know? So I was like,

Hey guys, who sings? Hey Delilah. I wanted to buy like a CD or something. And, uh, they're like, that song is fucking gay.

And it's like, I like that song too. But I didn't beat them up for it. But that's the exact same scenario as Mike Perry and a 72 year old man. There aren't many 13 year olds who can hang with me.

But I chose not to beat them up even though they were rude. Mike Perry could take a page out of that. To catch you up, Kyle, Woody asked some 13 year olds at the store who sang, Hey there, Delilah. And they called him gay.

It's the plain white. It's the plain white tea. Yeah. And it's a good song. I like that song. Well, um, how old were these,

uh, these big, they're about 13. Oh man. That's the worst.. I like that song. Well, how old were these big... They're about 13. Oh, man. That's the worst. See? I was trying to bring it up as a parallel to what Mike Perry did to that old man. You got to show a little restraint.

I am the Mike Perry in that situation. Did you argue back like, no, it's not gay? You're gay. Or you gave him a look like that was rude you know what were you wearing when this happened oh probably shorts and a t-shirt do you have a lot of keys like i don't know the last time you had a helmet on and some pads and the kids called you gay. Oh, yes. I was skateboarding.

No, they called you a nerd. Yeah. They didn't say you're a nerd. They just shouted out, Nerd! Nerd! Oh, that's so funny. You get called a nerd. You're like,

Oh, fuck. I thought I was past this this dude i i went out skateboarding with colin it wasn't long ago it was what is it thursday it was this week and um uh i took a picture and i sent it to jackie she was at the doctor or something and he's all dressed up i throw him in my moto gear so that if he falls he doesn't get any like abrasion damage or whatever and i dress the same way uh. It's kind of nice. I've had my form all fucked up and shit. It's nice. I don't like that shit.

The raspberry road rash, it sucks. Even my wife was like, why is he wearing all that? It's like, bitch, you help out a skateboard and make perfect sense to you i know when i fell off my bike i was so impressed and happy that i had all that gear on because it was just there was zero pain like i have hurt myself more falling out of chairs in my house you know i mean like like i

literally like i've gone down my i go down my stairs like maybe three times a year i i full on fall down the fucking stairs because i me you're that is a lot you yeah here's when i go up and down the stairs i hustle like every time when i go down i do this thing where i'm just on my heels are just hitting the edge like i'm almost falling in a controlled way not that controlled every four quarterly you're taking a tumble. That's a lot of up and down, though. I go up and down 10 times a day. You know how to do a grapevine?

Do you know that exercise where you go sideways and your feet in front of each other? That's how I go downstairs. I don't switch forward and back, but I turn sideways and I just zip downstairs. I see. Okay. I remember being like seven and just trying to jump like going up and being like can i jump down eight stairs yes and then you get to the top and you're like can i jump the whole stairs and you do and you like almost hurt yourself and that's

the end of that experience but then you realize it's not faster like the quickest thing is to take every second or third stair if you jump eight then you have to like parkour roll or something like yeah and you have to like pump yourself up first before you're about to jump 10 stairs it's not just a step and a leap especially your child my last house there was the car it was a carpet on the stairs and it was a full straight flight of stairs there was no landing and then turn sideways and go up a few more. And you could really take a spill. I fell three quarters of the way up them, running

up them with like a cup of coffee in one hand and maybe my phone in the other. And I came, I didn't drop either thing. I just held on as they splashed and jittered and I'm just on my ass. And then I go all the way to the bottom on my ass. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

And my girlfriend's at the bottom watching this disaster happen, and I'm screaming the whole time. No! No! Oh, no! I hit the bottom. She's like, are you okay? I'm like, my coffee. My coffee!

Because the white walls are just covered in coffee. The carpet's covered in coffee the whole way down. And then I did the exact same shit here in this new house the other day. It is down like eight or ten stairs and then landing and then turn and go down the other way. And I was running down them in the dark. And in one hand, I had like a small plate that I had like toast on. And the other I had a half empty cup of coffee. Don't want to just throw those things in the air and catch yourself.

So I just ate shit, elbows and knees clattering down to the bottom. I broke the fucking support beams that hold, they go in between that, that little, you broke the tiny little dowels, those tiny little dowels that go up and down for like kids from falling off. I guess I broke a couple of those with my knee on the way.

It's real disaster. Is that your first big tumble of 2024? No. You're on pace for a good year. Nah, I fell in the yard a while back. I go down a lot because I hustle when I run around the house. That's such a funny cover for falling. I hustle.

I need that diet Dr. Pepper right just now. I, I, you know, I don't like to keep people waiting and I like, you know, it's a little bit of exercise. We're gonna hustle up and down these stairs. You're not going to crawl up and down them. You know, sometimes I just use my arms. I just, that's safer. You don't fall like that.

Wait, how do you get up the stairs using just your arms? So like a six year old, like bear crawl. I drag, I pretend like I've become, I pretend like I've been shot in the spine, and I'm basically like Joe from Family Guy, and so I just drag my legs limply behind me. It's really hard. Have you ever done that? I mean, probably when I was a kid.

No, I like to do it as an exercise. I climb a ladder without your legs. That one's interesting. That seems like a bad idea. Did you guys used to slide down your stairs? Yeah. an exercise like i've um climb a ladder without your legs that that one's interesting i seems like a bad idea did you guys used to slide down your stairs yeah in a clothes hamper basket i didn't do that i i i think i tried that once and took a tumble or something like that that's a hard thing to pull i used to do it in my clothes and uh then at one point like so here's the deal if you slide down head first, that's okay.

But you only want to go so fast because you stop with your face. If you slide down feet first, then your shirt pulls up. And somewhere around eight years old or something, my mom got me a onesie. And that's the ticket. That's the ticket. You can go feet first as fast as you want with a onesie. That thing doesn't slide up. It's a onesie.

I used like a comforter. Footie pajamas. Like a sledie. That thing doesn't slide up. It's a onesie. I used a comforter. Like a sled. As a kid, I had this sort of superpower where if an adult told me I could do a thing, then I would do it with no fear. None whatsoever. I just believed them so much

that my own little mind would just take a back seat. I remember once we were standing on this very steep embankment that just had done a bunch of, the tractors had just put in where the chicken houses were. And we're on the top of this steep, steep embankment. And I'm like, can I run down that? And my dad goes, sure.

I'm like five. And I just start sprinting and immediately fall head first and tumble down the embankment and have to be retrieved. Like I'm stuck down there. And he's like, what are you doing? You said I could. So when I was four, he I was he he took the the laundry basket and was like, why don't you ride that down the stairs? You'll be fine. And so we would ride the laundry basket down the stairs.

It would go so fast. And yeah, when you're at the bottom, it just stops, and you get catapulted out and rolled into the wall. You sound like someone who made it to the bottom before that happened. I think I happened to be second or third step. Yeah, you're often tossed prior to that. I think I was light enough at four that a laundry basket was a pretty good sled. I think my sister would get in there with me.

I think we'd go double down that fucking staircase. I think there's pictures of it. I guess you didn't have any real sledding because you didn't have snow. Fuck no, we didn't have real sledding. Everything we did to play on was like some sort of ATV or golf cart. We always had a golf cart to goof around and fuck about on. We'd pretend like we were running a drive-through window.

Like one of us would serve the fake food and the other would drive up to the window or whatever. Like that's we did as a kid we fucked around in the woods and drove and hurt ourselves there's no there was no nothing to do on a bicycle there was no mall there was no carts are cool though i i didn't have one until i was an adult and i like it a lot did you guys ever fuck around with those or maybe this is who knows when this technology came out maybe it was only for me do you know those like turtles where like you'd sit on this seat and it had handles and you pumped the handles like this and it propelled it forward kind of quickly and yeah yeah we've got one in the garage yeah i i had a blast on those things zach bring up a turtle from 1995 ours isn't a turtle, though.

It's red, and it looks more like a bicycle kind of. I did not have a turtle. It is. 1995, I would have been nine years old. I got a gun that year for Christmas. Ah, well. It was this thing, something like that. I didn't have one this nice.

it was this thing, something like that. I didn't have one this nice, but you sat on it and then you like moved yourself kind of, you know, how, how fast you moved it back and forth. You can go faster and faster. We hadn't,

we had an unfinished basement where we play hockey and we do that down there as well. Do races, the flying turtle. Look at that kid. He's moving so fast. It was like a blur behind him. Yeah.

Oh damn. See that kid's not even leaning forward they have no they guarantee they don't have speed oh look at the enhanced model the the original roller racer junior flying turtle with sit skate kid powered no motor no pedals no batteries powered by zigzag motion well it's a turbo it's got flames on it man this is only handlebars i could tool around my neighborhood you can get one child buy a whole set you want to get all the kids one row right like that's how you do it as an adult you're like hey kids so what i got some knee pads and turtles dude my neighbors have like a like a

31 year old son it would be so funny if i bought two and i went over there and knocked i'm like can jason come out and play? Have your helmet on when you do it. I have my helmet on. I have big pads, double pads, all comically small. I'm in little shorts. I have light-up sneakers on. You also inexplicably have floaties on because you can't swim. Yeah. I called my

dad and he lives in Florida now. He said, stop calling me about this. He said, I can play. No, I never had it. See, if I'd lived in a cul-de-sac, there'd been all sorts of little sidewalk games. We didn't have any of that shit. We couldn't even use sidewalk chalk. We'd have sidewalk to draw on. No street chalk. No sidewalk chalk.

We did make pipe bombs in the garage though, so that made up for it. Like a quarter of all street hockey time was someone being like, car! And then you'd have to move while the car drove by. And then also someone would rip it way too hard, like those yellow plastic pucks, and then either hit a car or break a window. And then it was like a scatter at the end of a music video

where all the dancers quickly exit the screen. It's like, Max, actually, I think we should go play uh nfl blitz let's go like i was just thinking how pissed i'd be as an adult to look out my window like and you kids are out there fucking hitting pucks at each other and skating around or whatever you're doing doing anything really around cars in my windows yeah i wouldn't like that at all i didn't like my last place for those little kids that play out there they'd be up in my driveway using as a ramp get the fuck out of here oh no we we would play like in the cul-de-sac like unless we were at one of our houses and and like it happened to have a flat driveway where there was enough room but that's not enough space to like play 3v3 really

like you kind of need the road there that's why it's street hockey and then every like very often they're like, those rocks, you're trying to get a little bit of speed, and then a rock gets lodged between two of your heels, and then you just catch an edge, get all scraped up. Oh, I definitely sweep the street first. Everything I know about street hockey, though, comes from watching Trailer Park Boys.

They sucked at it. They were playing with cans, and half of them didn't have skates on well you know that's their trailer park boys in uh in like street hockey like it was frustrating when someone wouldn't wear skates because it was like dude you realize that you have a huge advantage not wearing skates here right like we're not on ice we can't stop that quickly on you know unless we're going to destroy the wheels of our skates out here because those rubber wheels just get torn right up if you try and do a real stop out there to stop yeah i didn't didn't like that i wanted everyone all in go put your fucking skates on did you have a firework show in your little

neighborhood i'm assuming you lived in like a neighborhood with other people inside regular neighborhood we didn't have one in our neighborhood. There were parks nearby. My neighborhood where the neighbor is a farmer a quarter mile away is also a regular neighborhood. Don't neighborhood normalize on it. That is not a regular neighborhood.

That's not even a neighborhood. I remember I would have to get to my friend Jared when I was a kid. Let's go ask our neighbors for diesel and see who comes up with some. I'd have to skate past 25 houses to get to him. And that was a long distance. That's true.

You've got a pump probably. Do you have the in the ground pump? It's not in the ground. It's 30 gallons and you turn the handle. The best, I had a friend who had a pond in his backyard. It wasn't his. It was like, I guess, technically part of a park that his house backed up to.

And the pond would freeze over in wintertime sometimes. And so we could play ice hockey out there and it was so much fun. And then once like a park ranger came by and like threatened to ticket his parents if he didn't make us stop playing ice hockey out there he's like this is a you know you can't play out here the ice isn't thick enough and it's like meanwhile my friend's dad literally had a depth stick in there to be like no it's it's six and a half inches thick ice right now this is fine you

can drive a golf cart on this like it's not a big deal and no he we got kicked off couldn't play anymore back there that guy was a fucking cunt screw that guy yeah some people just like ruining other people's fun yeah he was just mad although he may have been liable if you kids had drowned or cracked your heads out there or something, you know? We hate the liable stuff. Like, you can't play soccer in this field. What if one of you twists an ankle and comes to sue me? Who sues the ground? Like, get the

fuck out of here. You're just, like, making up scenarios because you don't want people to use this thing. Yeah, but if that kid drowns out there, they're gonna be like, was there no park ranger? Was there no safeguard? Well, there was a park ranger. Well, did he know? Well, actually, he reprimanded the kids, but at the last minute, he said it'd be okay because he had a depth finder.

Who installed a depth finder? One of the kids' dads. Does he work for the NHL? Is he a fucking depth finder manufacturer? No. Well, it's a stick with numbers on it. Nobody's going to get drowns out there. Is he qualified to operate a stick?

I don't know. You said six and a half inches. I was like, okay, that sounds like enough ice. Six and a half inches is huge. It's plenty thick. Yeah, dude, any deeper and it would hurt. I don't know. To me, we never got any ice thicker.

We would get, I remember it froze over in my friend's backyard. We went exploring back there, and I fell through the ice. And it fell in a comical way, so it was like a slant. And I was trying to crawl up it, but I just kept sliding down deeper into the swamp. And it wasn't deep. It was waist deep, but it was in the frozen ice water. So then I was completely soaked and had to walk three miles home. That's the smallest I've ever seen my penis.

When I got back to that kid's house, uh, my, my penis had almost called it quits. It was just about to, it was just about to give up. It was, I had the same experience.

There was a little tiny frozen Lake, maybe not more than a hundred feet in a circle. And, uh, and if you stood on it, it would like maybe kind of support your weight unless you went to a spot that's thinner and when it broke like big sheets kind of tilted anyway at first getting a little wet was like this big catastrophe oh no my feet are cold etc and then you'd push it a little

more push a little more by the end of it i'm like fucking neck down soaked i might have had wet hair i'm basically playing in a frozen lake and it's only two feet deep and uh by the time i got home i was freezing cold and i had completely lost my voice i couldn't speak at all but it was the night of a school dance so i just went to the dance and tried to get people to dance with me without talking yeah it's chattering but i actually got a girl to dance i got a girlfriend that dance hell yeah she's like he's the strong so i was in fifth grade and she was in sixth grade i didn't know that and it was the dance and i picked her up and we danced and we danced again and again and again. I got her to be my girlfriend.

And then like, I don't know, the next weekend or something, I go walk to her house to hang out with her. And once I saw her in proper lighting, I was like, oh, no. She's not pretty at all. How do I get out of this? Oh, poor gal. No wonder she responded to sign language. Yeah, no wonder she took whatever she could get. A fifth grader with no voice.

She was lonely. That's sad. That's real sad. What are we... What she's doing tonight? Probably nothing. I wonder. Probably nothing at all.

Probably lonely. Fetner cat. She's got a wall of pictures of woody yeah look at back at what she missed she's got the she's got the card she made for woody that she was about to hand to him that day he came over and was like uh it's it's just oh did you guys have valentine's day at your school? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. I don't remember anyone. Like, I know from the Simpsons, like, Ralph not getting any Valentine's and all that. Choo-choo choose you.

And so, yeah, I choo-choo choose you. It's a sad episode. But I don't remember anybody, like, actually never getting one at my school, even as young kids. Did that happen to you guys? It was sort of mandatory. The way we did it is everybody gave everybody one dude i wish i lived in that world where participation awards existed because when i was in valentine's this is like fourth grade at the beginning of every class we would like journal right and it's valentine's day and she asks us to write about valentine's day and i should have anticipated this risk but they would call on

someone to read their journal entry but there's 30 kids right so it's not like it's going to be you yeah except when it is so she asked us to journal and i'm just diligently writing about how much valentine's day hurts how much how nobody likes me, how I got no Valentine's, how I like this person. And I gave her a Valentine, but she didn't even want it. Like, like I've got paragraphs as a fourth grader on how much Valentine's Day hurts. And she must have seen me writing diligently. She's like, I want to hear yours. And I refused to read it out loud.

She didn't give up after like one or two. She's like, no, I want you to read it. I was like, no. And she's like, I really want you. I want to hear it. Let's hear yours. And I'm like, no, I don't want to. It's personal.

This is my journal. She insisted again. I start crying in front of the class about not wanting to read my valentine's night. Dark turn. Holy shit. This is a crime day. in front of the class about not wanting to read my valentine's night stay turner as a person with even fucking mediocre social skills what was this teacher thinking this is a nine-year-old who's crying about val and you're insisting that he reads his personal feelings read the room cunt that is so bitchy of her she was like she just got broken up with by her boyfriend and she's like yeah read your i saw what you were writing about woody you're so right

love will never come for any of us we'll all be alone forever yeah damn you know what it was you had actually gotten a bunch of valentines and that teacher had torn them up the evidence suggests the contrary. I don't think anybody liked me. Dude, that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. That hurts my feelings. That makes me almost as sad as my little puppy with his broken leg when he looks at me.

That's awful. That ruins my day. Zach was having a terrible day already. This is so much worse. Did you get lots of Valentine's? So you got, or did your Valentine's have candy on them or no? Yeah. We got candy along with it.

Yeah. So everybody got like 20 fucking Valentine's. You'd had this big pile of fucking cards and candies and there'd usually be sweet tarts and like, I love you candies. candies and there'd usually be sweet tarts and like i love you candies and okay if you had a girlfriend or something or if you you know it's third fourth grade or whatever it they would i go with tommy and my teacher be like where are you going so but if you got like a fake girlfriend or whatever like maybe you give her like your reese's cup but that's there were no like only if someone likes you do you get anything today. That's what this holiday is, boys and girls.

That'd be like having Hanukkah with just a mic over there. Modern day Tinder, where 20% of the people get 80% of the attention and everyone else is just wishing they liked them back. That was brutal in the 80s. That's gruesome. That's one of the worst things I've ever heard. I can't believe that actually happened

man my bad memory of Valentine's Day is that there was I remember it so well the air smelled of springtime yet to come but springtime would never arrive on my love life not in fourth grade

I had the same memory of the same teacher we were learning about about what it took to make a sentence like you know i think you just need a noun and a verb is that it and uh he's like so someone says i killed him dead is that a sentence i remember him asking that and that this kid was he was a farmer and I killed him dead I think it's bad English I don't think that's right but uh the teacher handled it so gracefully to deal with his like freaking farmer language like so that he didn't call his dad dumb or the other people around why didn't I get one-tenth of that grace the fuck maybe she did just from your point of view it you just didn't see it you know because that's the thing sometimes like when you're i wonder about my own childhood memories

like like like i was talking the other day about some um how i went to my grandmother and my grandfather took me to see alien resurrection and after it either my grandmother didn't understand that sigourney weaver had had sex with that alien queen or and I just thought about this recently because she was a smart gal like she's a great sense of humor like maybe she was making it as awkward as she could on purpose as a to have fun because she knew that papa was gonna get weird about sex maybe she was like what was happening there i don't i don't understand what was even were they uh was uh her and that alien uh were they uh like making it and i remember just me being like nine or ten or eleven would be like yes yes sex they were fucking grandma

obviously if you're familiar i'm here as a kid i remember thinking like how does grandma not know about sex and i do because this i would have been 11 and it's like i'm 11 she's 60 how does she not fucking know but maybe she was just like making it awkward as she could on him as a joke maybe that was their sense of humor and i was too much of a kid to know it i wonder about that i'm just trying to excuse what sounds like the worst thing i've ever heard in my life, a teacher doing to a kid. And there was that one teacher that beat the kid to death. This is a little worse. The teacher beat the kid to death?

Well, yeah. Sometimes they step out of line, you know? Talk back, whatever. Don't color in the lines. I haven't heard that. I can't believe, first of all, that Valentine's Day was like a real organized thing, but you only got cards if someone elected to give you one. That's crazy for children.

And then on top of that, her trying to make you read your Valentine's journal. I can't think of anything more private. That's about it. It's journaling time and you're like all right time to you know make some shit up there was a broken trust like like it things changed my the way i thought about her changed yeah yeah i don't know if you know this but fish has become a full-on reef keeper um oh yeah inspired by you now yeah have you seen his photography then he's got a sure i saw his pictures in the we have a for the listeners of discord for the patreons Have you seen his photography then? He's got a very good lens.

We have a for the listeners, a Discord for the Patreons. I saw his pictures in there. I responded. I made about four minutes of video just showing him around my tank. I sent it. Yeah, it's really cool photography. All those little corals look

like glow-in-the-dark. Like blacklight activated sort of stuff. If you've ever been to one of those fun houses when everything's those obnoxious tones of corals look um they're like glow-in-the-dark like glow-in-the-dark like black light uh activated sort of stuff if you've ever been one of those fun houses when everything's those obnoxious tones of orange and green and purple yeah that but pretty the orange and green corals fluoresce the purple ones look better under white light but they look terrible under blue light as a rule of thumb yeah i don't know i i i don't like being responsible for things i don't i don't like that you're funny for a guy with 17 dogs it's it's you know but but i don't love that you know i like having the dogs i wish i didn't have to be responsible for them especially that little

fuck it i feel so bad that dog got hurt because i threw the toy that made the dog jump and then i feel like i'm responsible and it's just like he could see i know it's not but he could sue me i'm liable i was that was the garden you never sued the landowner or the toy thrower i i'm but anyway your heart was in the right place it's all right yeah so i i don't want to be responsible for little fishes because they're they would die i was watching a thing about the chevy chase show you may not know this but chevy chase had a late night tv show for about five minutes that failed so spectacularly that it's an embarrassment and he had a fish tank behind him and they were like apparently the fish always die yeah new fish every night for the new episode he had yellow

tanks those fish fucking hate each other. It is difficult to have more than one of them, and he just overpacked them into the same tank. I remember it. He did it like the movie, The Set People. I'm sure it was The Set People. Yeah, I'm acting like he did it. He had a wacky set, too.

It was this big open stage that had the band and everything, sort of like Leno does, but then there was a clamshell sort of thing that like closed in on him and his desk and the couch for this more private sort of um interview style thing but the show was awful every i watched a thing about the show today like the the first episode the pilot episode he comes out with a basketball dribbling and there's a goal and he you know tosses one up misses live studio audience live cameras so he he he dribbles it goes back and he goes in for the layup and then they have to cut to a close-up of a layup actually going in

and then back to him going oh and then and then really awkwardly going through his monologue like worse than we would do frankly like he's so bad at monologue he like stops and like don't usually do this sort of thing there's a moment where he's like off his game and he's just like not it was so embarrassing i don't they spent five million dollars on that show three million of it was his salary. A million was redoing the building that they were in, and it failed right away because Letterman just had become a thing. It's right after Carson retired.

Fox wanted to try to step into the late-night game. They got his $3 million. Who did Arsenio Hall? Was that Fox? That sounds right, but I don't know. He was the king of the hill for a brief little bit. At least I remember it. And then they wanted everyone else's show to be like Arsenio Hall.

He had more of a party atmosphere. Things were more fun. And everyone's like, that's where we need to be. That's the future of variety shows, whatever those things are. Yeah, everybody kind of has their own take i know seth myers kind of does more of a sit at your fucking desk and do an snl ripoff thing now um and over time like i i always watched leno we were a leno household i've never watched any of those oh really yeah like none of those late night shows never watched like i felt like they were

always you were either a letterman guy or a Leno guy. And I don't know. When I was a little kid, we watched Carson because I'm old enough. And I don't know. After that, I guess I didn't really get into the replacements. It turned out they're all just pieces of shit. Like all of them were pieces of shit in one way or another. Jay Leno?

Yeah, yeah. I think he blackballed a bunch of people, wouldn't let them him on the show and was kind of a scummy guy about it uh i don't remember i i don't remember oh i think what it was was um joan rivers um so johnny johnny carson banned joan rivers and leno kept that tradition up so she was banned for life, you know, cause he did the show for so long. Joan Rivers, very funny comedian. She also had a stay at a late night show on Fox. She was there.

I didn't like her. I don't know what she did like at her peak, but I remember her as the person who made fun of people's outfits on the red carpet. And I'm like, as a stick, just like being mean, it's not my cup.

Like I think less of that style of comedy. That's what I thought she was. And then I was probably 10 years ago and I watched one of her standup specials. And I was like, frankly, I was like, this is the funniest woman I've ever seen. Like, like genuinely very, very funny. Like a lot of female comedians stand up. Don't do it for me. But she was good.

I don't know what else she did. I think Amy Schumer and Sarah Silverman would like to have a word with your rankings. They're right up there with Patrice O'Neill. I think Sarah Silverman is Kyle's all-time, right? First of all, I like Sarah Silverman. Not only is she funny, but she is sexy.

Amy Schumer is not funny or sexy. I didn't appreciate you even throwing them in together. It made no sense to me. Because Sarah Silverman, big old tittied, hot Jewish lady, who's funny as shit. Sarah Silverman... I don't think she has big old titties.

They do have something in common, too. She's done nude scenes. I was pretty sure Taylor wouldn't like either of them. That's just what I think. Nah, I like Sarah Silverman. I hate Amy Schumer. I like Sarah Silverman. I don't know if I like her comedy. I've seen her do short stand-ups and it didn't do it for me.

But I've also seen her say get interviewed on a late night show and that to me is her cup of tea. I enjoy her personality very much. I haven't seen any of her shit really. Oh, there's your nudes. Nice. Let's see what we got here.

There's lots of nudity there. What the fuck is the aspect ratio? I don't know. It looks like these are Zach's personal creep shots. It looks like Zach has been on Sarah Silverman's case for longer than uh than any of us and he's got some shots here he just had to go right up to his bookmarks tab and drag that down here

you know what i'm looking at these nudes i'm gonna say she looks good but amongst hollywood women she's below average would you line up with that cow i do not see any giant titties in there I look pretty big to me it's the aspect ratio that's not fair no I think she's just a wide bitch you know Sarah Silverman three and a half feet tall four feet wide

really weird looking tits she looks like a like a fullback like a fullback. Like a 5'9". Are you looking at the one of her in the shower with the bush? Oh, I closed it. I've seen it before. I've seen all of them before.

You've seen all of them? Every single one? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Who's the best female comedian? I know we did the Mount Rushmore, and obviously there's no women on that. I don't know them by name, but I've heard funny female comedians. comedian i know we did the mount rushmore and obviously there's no women on that but

i don't know them by name but i've heard funny female comedians the thing is i haven't heard funny female specials like they i can i will hear like a joke or two from that i think oh that's good that's a good take or or that's a fun twist or a great way to look at that or you or maybe they're just physical performance was really good that i i like physical comedy too i like but i i don't know them by name i don't know their names sarah silverman and amy schumer nikki glazer and i don't think i can name another female comedian i think i'm tapped at three yeah i haven't heard any of them every so often i'll get into a female comedian nikki glazer was. There's another one. Her name might be Tommy.

She's blonde, kind of cutish. But then once I get into 15 minutes of their stuff, I'm like, actually, that was too much. And sometimes it's not even that I don't think they're funny. It's just that their comedy isn't for me. I think that's for ladies. Or maybe it's for gay dudes and butch chicks. They've got a different audience that's not necessarily me.

It's not just funny for the sake of funny. And that's fine, too. It's not necessarily shticky, either, I don't think, to have a demographic that you're targeting towards. The blue-collar comedy guys, I would rather listen to Ron White tell a story than just about anybody. I remember that Tater Salad story. Jesus Christ christ that was funny the first 10 times i heard it

i love that story that's all t-shirts it's such a good punch line yeah and but then you had billingville up there just dragging the whole gang down i'm not a big billingville fan at all. I like Jeff. I did like fucking Tater. It was funny. I'm a female comedian. I had a thought. Hutch came on this show last week and he talked about audience capture. So what happens is you go on your show you spout a

talking point. It doesn't matter right wing, left wing or whatever and your audience responds to it. And then it's like, ooh these guys like it when I shit on Obama or Trump. Pick pick yours and then it makes you do it again next week and then next week and then the next week and now sudden more and more of your audience is like from that fringe and you just keep going in that direction and then you become that guy that they want you to be who shits on the people they hate that's audience capture i think that happens with female comedians and their dating life they tell some some joke about how the guys don't like them or the guys fuck them or whatever.

And then now, damn it, 80% of their comedy is about dudes. And it happens a ton. Well, you know, there's the old thing like find some dialogue in any piece of in any piece of piece of literature or film where it's two women speaking together in a room alone about anything that's not a man you'll really be hard-pressed my friend when you start like using those guidelines to find two women in any piece of literature or movie or film tv show even a short fucking story bedtime story shit where two women are in a room alone talking about not a man you know um for whatever reason that is i think that

amy schumer's success is what i want to blame all the pussy humor on i i hate pussy humor i hate the cock humor i don't like fart humor either i i like uh i like something a little bit wittier than that i guess above fart humor and pussy humor yeah the first i remember amy schumer did have a funny story about her pussy but then eventually it was like all of her stories were about her pussy she was talking about getting her pussy waxed and how it's this sort of first world thing where like here i am having a servant wax my pussy and then this little old asian lady has to present a mirror to a mirrored reflection of said pussy to me and like uh uh and i have to give her my approval like yeah it looks red and angry nice nice and it's that's a good story i like that

that had me cracking up i remember specifically where i was when i heard that joke i was on vacation in savannah and i thought that was good and i thought she was good and then right after that i watched her movie which had john cena in it and a few other people i think it's just about her getting fucked a lot but john cena plays one of her dates and he's he steals the whole show he's so good in that of course he's like looks like john cena but he does that played a really good character that was the first time i like realized john cena could act outside of i don't know he does movies called the marine i think the first movie and then there's a marine three four five six or he's just like army man shoot to kill he does movies in china a lot right

like isn't he really popular in china is Is that right? He speaks the language. I know that. I think it's the WWE stuff that maybe, like, he, I think he's popular from WWE in China. And maybe he does commercials and has, you know, opportunities there because of that. Zach said the WWE pays their, I'll call them fighters, to learn other languages. That's interesting. He learned it to make more money. How much money does John Cena need?

It seems like he's got a lot of it. I don't think he had that much when he was learning that. I don't know that he's got a lot of it. Hasn't he been the biggest professional wrestler for over a decade? I don't know. He's the only one I've heard of. I don't know what they get paid, first of all. But I will say this.

His show got picked up for a second season, finally. That thing happened four years ago. And they're like, all right, this summer we're going to start filming the next season. Are we talking about Peacemaker? Yeah. Oh, damn. I like that, too. It was really good.

I thought it was excellent. It had a really fun sense of humor. And John Cena can carry a goddamn show. He's good. I like John Cena. fun sense of humor um and john cena can carry a goddamn show he's good i like i miss tv having seasons a little bit because it forced them to work a bit harder now good god you like a show come back four years later they'll show you episode or season two it's too long yeah it's too long in between i don't know how that happened the writer's strike in the pandemic i think is

is skewing a lot of our more recent complaints about things um sure but i can take that complaint back to game of thrones um it goes invincible yeah you're um speaking of the game of thrones guys the dnd david and whatever the fuck um three body problem i think dropped today or yesterday i think chis wrote in the yeah on netflix uh i would guess it's the full amount of episodes whatever it is for the Three Body Problem, I think, dropped today or yesterday. I think Chiz wrote in the... Yeah, on Netflix. I would guess it's the full amount of episodes, whatever it is, for the first season. I'm going to watch it because I know that you are going to watch it. However, I will say this before I step my toes into this pond.

I have low expectations. Here's what I predict. Knowing nothing, there's's gonna be too many characters that are now white and not chinese that won't bother me but it'll bother like the main fans and also the scope and breadth of this story is so this is bigger than the four hammer 40k shit it's bigger timeline it gets wackier it gets crazier i'm not gonna spoil anything but it's a crazy timeline with that just the small parts of it a character will be frozen for 300 years all right 400 years in the

future like everybody changes like you're gonna have to go through so many characters if they follow the books and there's three books and each one gets wackier than the last i would be surprised if they do a good job at this. I opened it on Netflix. So I have a little information, and this won't be any spoiled stuff you wouldn't want to hear. There's eight episodes. Most of them are nearly an hour long, a bunch of like 53, 58 minutes, 63.

And there's little thumbnails next to each episode, and I won't spoil anything, but I think that your concern that the actors are too white is unfounded. They seem like they're mostly Chinese guys. The biggest review right now on Google that the most people have voted helpful is one star from a guy named James 10 hours ago. He says the world's best physicists look, talk and act like they've just come from the set of Love Island. Who in God's name cast this? It's like seeing Logan Paul play William Shakespeare or Dolly Parton play Margaret Thatcher or Mike Tyson playing Gandhi. In terms of suspending disbelief, it is not a good start. Understandably, the writers didn't want to go against the flow of current fashionable DEI themes, but the casting here is beyond ridiculous. It also immediately tells you a lot about the unoriginality of the

writers, their unwillingness to surprise, shock shock subvert the current platitudes of identity politics we see in almost everything on tv this alone ensures it can't be good art art is subversive good art not propagandistic like oh my god this guy just keeps going on and on whereas uh he says the characters are young and good-looking supposed geniuses, but they smoke cigarettes like people who have never smoked cigarettes. They joke like morons, act like Instagram influencers, yet we are led to believe they are serious scientists. This guy's invested. There's like eight paragraphs here. You read the books.

Yeah, you know, I am still hopeful. I know as terrible as that was, one, I'm a little less sensitive to DEI stuff than some. Than James. Than this guy, I bet. You know, he hates their fucking age. I'm definitely not saying, I probably won't even spot the bad at smoking cigarettes. But I do wish it was a good review.

Yeah, we'll see. There's a lot of bad ones here. I saw that Shogun i saw that show it's got sam from uh game of thrones fat sam yeah he'll save the day he was always a oh that guy i know yeah he's lost a little weight but he's still he's got a long way to go there's a black guy in a thumbnail and i don't remember i don't remember any black guy in a thumbnail. And I don't remember. I don't remember any black guys in this show. If the book canonically is supposed to be about Chinese people,

I would rather them all be Chinese. Mostly Chinese people. There are certainly. It becomes a global problem. But. There's a main character who's like a former u.s secretary of defense or something i'm thinking the wall not the is the wall facers yeah like one of the wall facers is like a south american ex-president maybe like the former president of bolivia brazil or some shit like

that anyway it's global anything but the black I saw, the title of the episode was called Wallfacer. Maybe it's a minor spoiler. He may be one of the ones who's like the wall. A lot of the people leaving these one stars are the book readers. They're like, if you enjoyed the books, this is going to really bother you. This is going to upset you if you enjoy it. I might overestimate how many details I recall. I saw Shogun's 99%

on Rotten Tomatoes, Chiz told me because I was recommending it to him. After we finish this show, I'm going to watch the original show and then read the book. I guess I'll do it in complete ass-backwards order. I'm told it's 1986 was the original show, which very closely follows the

book as well, and is filmed in Japan. I'm told it's a masterpiece that's that is very good but it's 1986 tv so we'll see yeah i usually we're getting we have to do ads soon i usually don't like old stuff like i find that entertainment's gotten better and better and and you can either see people who are sort of like sincere in the real them on youtube or deeper dives. TV shows from a long time ago sucked. It was all surface level shit where you could watch the episodes out of order.

Now they tell deep stories that go that are better than movies. And movies are almost the surface level thing where you only spend 90 to 120 minutes investigating a topic. Yep. Yep. I agree completely. topic yep yep i i agree completely in the perfect in the middle is that six or eight episode standalone miniseries when the creators wiped their fucking hands ago no no this band of brothers we did our thing there it is enjoy you know chernobyl band of brothers i think i think we're gonna say shogun um by the time this is over i think it's going to be one of those as well

i like shogun i just it's not sinking with me quite as well as it would you guys i do like it i love that last episode too it's so watch all right can we do some spoilers on that let's do the do the let's uh let's uh we're gonna hear from a couple wonderful sponsors and stay tuned but collect your uh collect your thoughts on it pk fans have you been interested in thc but aren't sure where to start? Look no further than pharodistro.com, your premium source for THCA, flour, dabs, edibles, and other smoking accessories. THCA not your cup of tea? Then check out our expansive assortment of Delta products,

including edibles, vapes, and disposables. That's right, folks. Pharaoh Distro is your go-to destination for all things THC-related. Get ready to elevate your experience with Faro distros, exclusive Faro exotic THCA buds. These buds are so premium. They practically come with their own red carpet crafted for all cannabis lovers.

These USA indoor grown beauties are the epitome of luxury. And for all the dabbing aficionados, get ready to savor the richness of THCA diamond sauce. Trust me. Once you try it, you'll wonder how you ever dabbed without it. These are the perfect pairing with dab X products like the dab X go and the dab X rocket,

our premium dabbing equipment. And let's not forget about our mouthwatering assortment of high quality edibles. Perfect for anyone looking to elevate their edible game from Delta eight, nine, and even 10. We have an incredible assortment of edibles in many delicious designs. If you're looking to add a touch of wellness to your routine,

explore Ferro Distro's range of CBD products and therapeutic mushrooms because self-care never tasted so good. PKA fans, use code PKA20 for 20% off your whole order. You heard us, 20% off your whole order for being a fan of the podcast, PKA20. So what are you waiting for? Head over to ferrodistro.com, linked below, to discover a world of premium THC products that cater to your every whim. Elevate your 2024 experience with Pharaoh Distro and make this year your best.

That's PKA20 for 20% off, whether it's edibles, the diamond sauce, the dab equipment itself, the Go or the DabX Rocket. It's all 20% off. Check it out. The edibles, as always uh very potent very powerful start slow start slow take little nibbles little nibbles folks i went to nightmare land this week i ate too much of an edible yeah the delta 9 uh gummy rope i think i had and i obviously it's 1250 milligrams for the whole rope so i took some kitchen shears and cut off a couple inches.

You're not supposed to eat the whole thing. I cut off a couple inches too much, I guess. I had a hard time. I was so, so high. So high. And Kyle's tolerance is bafflingly high. So take that as you will. Little nibbles, folks. You can always take another little nibble,

but you don't want to bite too much and uh get too stoned because then you're not enjoying yourself so enjoy it pharaohdistro.com pka20 for 20 off your whole order and check out the dab x go and the dab x rocket they are the most convenient way to dab out there cleaner easier you don't have a fucking sketchy torch on your uh coffee table like you're a college kid or something. You don't want that. You want to look like an adult. It's not for meth, I promise. It's not for meth.

It's not for real drugs. We're just doing weed here. So check it out and start slow with the edibles. They are very, very potent. Hope you enjoy. Always hearing from people who do enjoy them. Yeah, there's the rocket. That thing is fantastic.

It really is nifty. It's great. Very, very high-quality way to take dabs so check it out pka 20 20 off this episode is also brought to you by blue chew let's talk about sex guys shouldn't you always be at your best 2024 is the year to maximize your performance in the bedroom listen up bluechew.com bluechew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost. You can take them anytime, day or night, so you can plan ahead or be ready whenever an opportunity arises. The process is simple. Sign up at BlueChew.com, consult with one of their

licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. The best part? It's all done online. So no visit to the doctor's office, no awkward conversation, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Blue Chew's tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped direct to your door in a discreet package. That's right, it's not going to be a big package that says dick pills. Discreet.

Blue Chew wants to help you have better sex. Discover your options at bluechew.com. Chew it and do it. And we got a deal for our listeners, a special deal. They say, try blue chew free. When you use promo code PKA at checkout,

just pay the five bucks in shipping. That's bluechew.com promo code PKA to receive your first month for free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. Big thanks to blue chew for sponsoring the show. That is again, bluechew.com, promo code PKA. Get that first month free. Just pay the five bucks in shipping. And as always, Kyle has not led us astray.

Me and Woody both enjoy the Tadalafil. And so we also recommend try the Tadalafil. Seems to give you the most bang for your buck as far as the window of hard dickery. So that is code PKA at checkout, bluechew.com. And of course, this episode is brought to you by Lock and Load, the premium, premium ejaculation increasing supplement taking the world by storm. Everyone's talking about it.

Your mom, your dad, your grandma, your grandpa. Everyone's talking about busting more. And you're getting left in the dust. You're getting left in the dust with your piddly little loads and that will not stand. You want to impress your girl or your guy, whoever you're coming with? Then this is the ticket, folks. Code PKA or code Jizz will save 10% off of lock and load over at GorillaMind.com.

Every ingredient in here is efficaciously dosed, suggested by Kyle and I, and then refined by the scientists over at Gorilla Mind. Also, it doesn't just work for your cum supplements, folks. It works for energy drinks, weight loss supplements, dream supplements, anything and everything you need efficaciously dosed from GorillaMind.com, 10% off with code PKA and code Jizz. So check it out. Start with the cum pills, though, because that's our product,

and so I'm a little biased, but I think it's the absolute best product available anywhere, not just on Derek's site, anywhere on earth efficacious as hell and uh take the nine pills every day and you're not going to be two months in with two bottles waiting for the loads to come now you're going to be halfway through this bottle and you're going to be like my god i'm coming like a man finally so check it out code Code PKA or code Jizz. And enjoy your orgasms, your better orgasms, men. All of our men.

And women with penises. I don't think we have any women listening to this show. We have plenty of women with penises listening to the show, though. You think so? so no that would be very funny well then you come more too you get the gumpills uh ladies just coming big ladies anybody's got a dick out there start coming harder with it with this with these pills uh check it out you'll impress all of your lovers they're gonna be like, oh my God. People on the street. Crossing guards.

The official load stack of the NYPD. Don't say that. I'm kidding. It might be litigious. I saw that the Red Cross. This product has nothing to do with the NYPD. This product is not associated with the NYPD or any police department in the nation, over. The Red Cross has been getting litigious, I guess, you know, because every video game

had the Red Cross symbol in it to indicate a health pack. Yeah. They don't like that. Oh, what the fuck? That's ridiculous. Yeah, fuck the Red Cross. Okay, I see what you did there. Yeah. The NY ED. If you have that, you need Blue Che Yeah. The NYED. If you have that, you need Blue Chew.

The New York Department of Erectile Dysfunction. NYED. Yeah. You ever watch Special Victims Unit? This guy murdered someone and now my dick won't get hard. I don't know how people watch 35 different seasons of Law & Order's Special Victims Unit. Every episode begins with a child being raped and ends with a white man going to jail. There's never a twist?

I don't watch any of that shit. Oh, there's always a twist. They suspect the coach because he's a rough coach who plays hard, plays to win or whatever. But then it always turns out to be... It was that little white guy that we trusted. It was him. It was him. it was oh wow it's always always white or the stepdad racist i don't know i've only watched like 800 episodes of it everyone's the fucking same but i mean how many law and orders are there i don't understand people who enjoy those procedural shows i i i hate that shit yeah i can't get into it i guess i haven't tried but it just doesn't doesn't tickle my

fantasy i'm not interested in the true crime genre or even less so the fake crime genre you never watched like uh special um not not law and order but um the csi you ever watch csi or no i watched uh csi miami with my parents in like high school when it was on. How did the theme song go? Did it scream at you? It was the who. Yeah. Put those sunglasses off. That's Law and Order. Yeah, that's Law and Order. I just remember the red-headed guy,

CSI Miami. It still wasn't a great show. Was his name DiRusso? Yeah, it was. It was DiRusso.. Was his name Caruso? Yes, it was. The original was pretty good because they had, at the time, they had this sort of cutting-edge graphics and computer stuff to show the skull breaking. They reenact the crime as they solved it.

Oh, CSI. Yeah, and you'd have these sort of computer graphic things and sometimes practical effects of just showing like a skull being smushed and like how the crime happened so that was neat but then they made like 35 fucking sequels to it like there's there's so many law and order so many csis like every city gets one every city gets one are you old enough for nypd i've watched every episode twice i'm a big fan that show was so dirty. That was like CBS.

And I remember a scene where Sipowitz was taking a shower with that attorney girlfriend of his. I forget her name. A blonde? Yeah. And so she gets off. She takes off all her clothes. She goes in the shower behind him, and she starts jerking him off on ABC. She goes in the shower behind him and she starts jerking him off on like ABC. And he's like, oh, yeah, that spot's going to be really clean.

And she's like fucking jerking him off. And it's like, fuck, this is just broadcast TV. Okay, I'm in. I don't remember that. I do remember they got I think they got fined or I remember it being a big deal when they showed Ass because that was one of the first shows that was showing like full on Ass you got both cheeks and the crack on television but yeah it's one of the better

police dramas of all time I watched a little clip from it the other day and it's like Sipowicz is your main guy he's the fucking Polish ugly cop who always does the right thing seemingly and he he's like backing up this uh this this new newbie cop and the newbie cop is arresting a guy because the guy the guy had parked had been in the building for one minute and come back out and he

was getting a ticket and now he's getting arrested because he won't do the ticket and sip which is like what are you doing that's the working man right there how long was he in the building two minutes come on what are you he's like how long do i give him you sit here three minutes four maybe five depends how it goes but that's the working man he's like what you right what do i do go apologize tell him from now on be careful how long he stays out here and like that's it that's the end and i was like oh what a great guy he didn't he didn't shoot anyone that's the kind of cop i wish that we had it's just a really wholesome moment but he'd also be the guy who's like beat the shit out of a rapist or something you love sipowitz he's a great guy i know it

wasn't like this doesn't help the audience but i found the scene i was talking about it is everything i remembered. Sadly, there's no audio on this YouTube video that I linked to you guys, but you see her bare ass and you do see her hand on the side, like his hip, but then he reaches around and I remember

he's like, yeah, I usually wash myself down there. Then she keeps going, keeps going. Yeah, this spot's going to be really clean. She's jerking him off. No, keeps going, keeps going. Yeah, this spot's going to be really clean. She's jerking him off. What? I don't think I get the bottom of her ass cheeks here. There's a much more... The scene they got sued for was... Or not sued,

but fine. In one of the people. It was worse, I thought. I would argue it won 18 right there. Bottom of the ass cheeks. I watched it when I was a kid, obviously. I remember that's when I learned that gay people weren't all pedophiles. Stifowitz hired the gay guy.

Wait, what? Yeah. I mean, they're predominantly – You learn something every day. Learn something new. I mean, if you look at the percentages, you might have to look twice and double check the numbers. We're just guiding those 15-year-olds through a very complicated time in their lives. We?

You don't understand the gay culture. We? It's funnier that way. Y'all. Y'all are. So yeah, Sipowitz hired, there's a gay guy who's like, I don't know if he's the dispatcher. I think he's sort of the, I don't know if he's the dispatcher. I think he's sort of the, I don't know what you call the receptionist at a police department, but he's the first point of contact when you walk into the police station, I think. Hard to remember, maybe something else, but it's a blonde gay guy that works there.

And they're like, yeah, he could watch your kid, Sipowitz. And he's like, ah, I don't know if I want that gay watching my kid. You might touch him. And they're like, gay people don't like kids. They like other gays. He probably likes grown men. He's like, huh? Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, I'll let him watch my child. I never thought about it that way. And you got to keep in mind, I'm like seven probably watching this. And this kid gets molested. Immediately sodomizes the child. Immediately molested child I was wrong my bigotry was providing protection

and you fooled me out of it that would have been a nice one where everyone learned something he always had a different partner who was kind of because it seemed like that role was getting rinsed out every year but it was always somebody good. It's a very good police drama. It's probably my favorite one of all time.

Just like the West Wing is my favorite. Whatever that was, I love the West Wing. The West Wing is one of the... As much as I want Sipowitz to be the cop that pulls me over or that handles a crime that I need solved or whatever. He's the cop that you want in any

scenario. President Bartlett from the west wing is the president you want he's like a statesman genius like fair-minded like down the middle kind of guy i mean everyone on his staff is world class i thought you're gonna say jewish There's only like three of them. Yeah. Who's the guy who played the hockey player? Really good looking. Yeah.

Well, Sam is his character's name. Sam, yeah. I can't think of the actor's name. He was in the Rat Pack. What is it? Rat Pack, maybe. Maybe. Something like that with Robert Denny Jr. and those guys. think of the actor's name he was in the the rat pack no the brat what is it brat pack maybe maybe something like that with robert denny jr and those guys um rob lowe yeah he's not jewish right no he's very white it seems yeah but toby ziggler and uh the the that uh that other guy were

definitely no that's that's one of my favorite shows of all time too i've watched it i don't know if anyone can do it but i'd like to see a Republican version of it. Well, there was a season where President Bartlett's daughter gets kidnapped, and he has to sort of recuse himself from the presidency because he doesn't feel like he can handle anything, really, because he's worried about his daughter. And they have John Goodman, who's the Speaker of the House, come in and take over. There's some shakiness on the VP front.

I can't remember. He either just fired his VP, but they go to the Speaker, and it's John Goodman. And he's like a right-wing Republican. He comes in with his bulldog. I remember that. He's got like a pet dog he brings in with him. Yeah, very assured of himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It really took over. i remember bartlett's like i have this and that he's like mr president you're relieved like i don't need anything from you get the fuck out of here i'm in church now it was a great moment uh that's a wonderful show it is yeah yeah but i i don't know like i just like to see like a the republican version there are a lot of Democrat positions where it's easy to sort of virtue signal and say that you're in the right.

I want to see that perspective of the right. People coming from a good place to, I don't know, cut Social Security or something. Just explain it to me. Show it to me. Yeah. I don't think they're right-wing writers it seems like most writers are or at least it doesn't seem like right-wing writers get hired or people yeah i mean you're

denying reality if you deny that hollywood is leaning left right they just are yeah there's a handful of right-wing actors who are like who speak about it and they often tend to be has-beens and i wonder if that's why to some extent um not not so much somebody like kevin sorbo you know the guy who played hercules the legend yeah kevin right like dude your career is gonna end end either way. Tim Allen is another one. He's like 70-something, maybe? I forget. He's older than I realized.

Dennis Leary. It's hard to point to right-wing people and say their career ended because of their political views. Well, there's Gina Carano. That's it. See, I can't remember exactly what she said, but I think she did say some real edgelord shit right didn't she say something about jews or was it gays i'm i'm so low confidence i genuinely say i remember maybe covid but i'm still not sure yeah i don't remember what she said um at the time we took the correct position and that was that she was too pudgy for the role

and you don't give a fuck about your politics i would be fine with an absolute nazi and i would be fine with an absolute like left-wing full full-term abortion um like like crazy bag too like it's just a role what do we have here jews were beaten in the streets not by nazi soldiers but by their neighbors even by children because history is edited most people today don't realize that what am i reading i'm a little worried there's gonna be a punchline somewhere that to get to the point where nazi soldiers could easily round up thousands of jews the government first made their own neighbors hate them simply for being jews how is that any different from having someone for their political views oh that's what gina carano wrote that's what got her in trouble oh well she may have a point

that was so quick oh did you we sort of forgot what gina carano said that got her fired from the disney show mandalorian that she and her and got her future project. That was just her own TV show canceled. Like her own age, her own, that post, according to Zach, I'm not sure it,

I'm, I thought she had said something about Jews and that's clearly about Jews, but that's not crazy to me. I'm looking at the Instagram post with her name on it. Yeah. Yeah. And then New York, I believe she wrote it. This is a and the new york i believe she wrote it

this is a right wing oh i believe she wrote it i just i just don't i just don't think it's that bad i'm wondering if she said something else that was more inflammatory somewhere it doesn't seem like you should lose your show for that yeah i was she saying that in regards to covid non-vaxxing or something i i don't even remember anymore. It's been so long ago. Probably at the time. That's when it happened. Isn't she suing? Isn't there a big lawsuit?

I think she's suing and Elon Musk is paying for it. She's suing Disney. Well, that's a good guy to have covering the lawyers. He can probably afford good attorneys, but I'm pretty sure she didn't have a contract. They just didn't offer her

another contract. I think that's a hard case to win. No one's entitled to their next contract. I thought she was publicly let go. I thought there was a whole thing. I read about it recently yeah we'll see i hope she gets her money uh again i didn't think she should have the role because she got chubby and she's a

former professional athlete and there's no who's getting paid to be fit so there's no excuses for that sort of thing in my opinion i checked out she didn't have a contract i felt bad for that fighter i can't remember maybe it's dern so there was a fighter who normally is like 125 pounds and ripped his shit and and fans were calling her fat because she was 170 but she was just on hormones to try to get pregnant through like uh yeah she and she like posts she posts a picture of her being quote-unquote fat and it's like she looks like she does not look fat and then she posts her now she's like finally got my got my body back. And she's like, just six, eight pack and like veins showing around her like cum gutters. So she had the kids and is back to fighting shape? Or the IVF didn't take one or the other.

I don't know. But I just felt bad that like they were making fun of her when she was 170. And it's like, man, she looks great at 170. Honestly, 125 looks a little too scary to me i heard rogan reed and rogan have a little something else in common i heard him the other day talking about his preference in women he was like i like a little armpit hair oh yeah i have that in common with well i just remember you like being into that belly button hair that that lady that navel hair that uh happy trail that that that guide that we

kayak instructor or something okay on the happy trail thing i'm right about that that's hot on the armpit hair or leg hair you know my actual take on it is i can tolerate it women don't get that most women don't get that. Most women don't get that hairy. So the minor little hair that they grow, I don't prefer, but I can live with. This is armpits and legs. My bigger issue would be I'm too vain, I guess. I'd be a little embarrassed if I had a girl on my arm with armpit hair. I feel like everyone would be judging that scene. And I don't like that attention.

You would have to have some sort of accessory to even that. Like if you had dread and she had armpit hair, then that's fine. Who's the clown in The Simpsons? Bozo? Krusty. Krusty. Krusty hair. A Krusty wig. No one will be looking at her armpit hair. Problem solved. Sideshow Bob. Sideshow Bob. Problem solved. Sideshow Bob. Sideshow Bob, another one.

Sideshow Mel. He's the one who's not very funny. There's a fourth clown. No, there's not. Or at least there's a name for the fourth clown. What's Krusty's real name? Oh, fuck. It's something Jewish.

It's very Jewish. Something wits right of course it's something wits i know i could have said something steen or something now you're just repeating yourself yeah so in the most recent and the most recent shogun uh our englishman has been given like a fucking house of his own and he's got this super awkward scenario where they gave him his own wife but he's also got a lady

servant and the emperor guy, Torinaga gives him this pheasant that he has caught with his falcon and he's like a wonderful gift from Lord Torinaga we will ah a wonderful gift from lord torunaga we will make a wonderful stew with this later and he like hangs it up and they're like he's like no

one touched this and he's his japanese is bad he's trying to explain to him that he needs to sit there and like rot for a few days he's this is this apparently some sort of 1600s british thing that they do with fowl as they allow it to rot perhaps before they cook it. And in weird Japanese to English, the lady goes, Oh, won't it smell very bad? He's like, Oh yes, the smell will be almost intolerable.

Terrible stench. And she's like, Oh, why? And he's like, Oh, no one touch. Forbidden. Death. He's like, oh, no one touch. Forbidden. Death. He's like, touch, die. Or something like that. That's all he's got.

That's all the Japanese he's got. And so the episode plays out. Well, like, god damn, if this thing isn't stinking up, not just their house and their backyard, but like the village is complaining. So because their society is so goddamn rigid, the gardener, who's been a little sick lately, goes, I'll take the L, folks.

He takes down the bird and buries it or whatever. Then they execute him. They execute the poor old gardener. Our white dude shows back up from a rough day, mind you. He's like, what's going on? Why is everybody fucking teary-eyed and shit who died and he's like oh he like gestures toward where the fowl had been hit had been hung and there's an empty noose thing there where the pheasant had been hung and he's like oh the bird's

gone it smelled terrible didn't it who did it who took the bird uh uri naga took a bird oh did he that old rapscallion can't believe he was able to get up there where is he fetch him for me he just wants to like talk to him because he's been shooting the shit with the gardener you know about the pebble guard and how they all need a good rock sweet old man she's like oh he was a put to death he's like you killed that old man over a bird that I didn't even care about and she's like you said death you said death and then she's like gestures toward his

swords and she's like kill me kill me take my life and he's just like where the fuck am I you people are insane and you're with him so much in that moment where you're like I'm so glad he's saying it. I'm so glad he's not just like,

well, this is the Eastern version of our feudal system. He's like, what the fuck do you mean? Cut your head off, bitch. Like answer for your, what do you mean?

No, I'm not going to cut your head off with your daddy's fucking sword. Jesus, where it is this place. And he even tells her later on, he's like, you're just a prisoner to this rigid system of nonsense that matters to no one.

Like you suffer for this person who doesn't care and you suffer for that person who doesn't care. When do you live for you? When is your life yours? And she's just like, oh, I don't know what to talk to you anymore. Or whatever the fuck. It's really frustrating. yeah so that's pretty

much what she said she's very attracted by the way i spent all of like 90 seconds being like what the fuck british people were eating rotten pheasant and were they no it doesn't seem so at least nothing came up when i searched that and then i was like why like why would they why would that be the mechanism they used in the show to like show the harshness of the the gardener dying that was just weird because like anyone who's eating rotten bird is going to be very ill like you don't get a an immunity he was going to cook it i like i don't even know i i thought that they were eating the stew when they had dinner that night they had the most awkward dinner ever so this is my my favorite scene thus far in the whole series has to be our english main character is hosting dinner and his guests are the woman they're forcing to be his wife the woman who is his translator who

he just slept with because she thought her husband had died in battle. And surprise, surprise, her husband. So they're all four sitting around the floor. They don't have a Japanese style. And he is serving them an English rabbit stew that he has made. And they are all so close to vomiting. But they're trying to be so polite. After the dinner's over, she tells the server, throw that stew into the sea. I love that shit.

I loved the drinking part, the whole thing. The weird culture shock every episode is fun to me. I like that. He asks for a wart. He's like, have him tell me about how he escaped the great battle in the city and as a viewer i'm wondering how did he last time i saw this guy he was surrounded by swordsmen being backed into a flaming uh home of some kind like it looked bad for him and now here he is no not a scratch how'd you do that and they're like oh we he must come from a culture

where bragging about one's deeds is much more acceptable and it's like yeah he does yeah well i'm more asking for the explanation than yeah like tell me i wish i i hope we get that story i would really like to hear what happened off camera. Undoubtedly, that guy is like a double agent now who was allowed to live because of that. Oh, I don't think so. But it's a good theory. I think Kyle's right. I think that he's a shame. Listen, the nature of escaping from a village of swordsmen by yourself.

I know we got some help along the way but that that's not a brave act you are running you are hiding you are covering yourself you're rambo in the woods you know traps and running and but you don't you might kill a kid before he could warn someone he did something he's ashamed of there's no way he 1v90'd the village yeah you know with the sword like yeah so i really want to hear what happened and i hope i hear the truth of it because i just keep repeating myself now there's no way that you escape from a village of people trying to kill you in a brave way it's pretty shame in a brave way better phrased yeah he didn't hack his way through those swordsmen he he fled um which seemed

to be what he was avoiding by facing them to begin with anyway so it's that society is so alien to me it almost seems like an episode of Star Trek there's an episode of Star Trek I won't waste too much time on this but they go down to a planet they start playing ball the kid goes for a long one and dives and he falls on these

enclosure with plants in it flowers and shit crushes it breaks it but on that planet every crime the punishment is death and he trespassed and destroyed these in enclosure with plants in it flowers and shit crushes it breaks it but on that planet every crime the punishment is death and he trespassed and destroyed property so it's death and it's like whoa come on that's so alien i can't even get on board with this but this japanese feudal shit is kind of close to that i feel like if you were to jump fall into the emperor's garden and mess his pebbles up yeah dude i honestly thought you were talking about shogun when you said every penalty is death i'm like yeah yeah touching a pheasant speaking when

you're not spoken to like there's some petty shit that they'll kill you over there's no way it could have been that bad they wouldn't have any people left that's where i am like dude making a useful human takes like 24 years like you can't just throw that away all the time yeah i i i don't know i i don't know much about you gotta spice it up hollywood i i i think they did it though like like my this feels it feels really authentic i was so glad last week when i was proven right and that fucking boat was real hutch was like no it's cgi boat woody's like yeah it can't be real no no i don't think i weighed in i don't yeah but i'm gonna throw you in there anyway if all of us were going you're a fool you're a fool and kyle you don't

know anything about and hear me out and we shouted him down i'm not sure i had seen the show at that point i don't think so which makes makes your allegiance to Hutch even worse. Yeah. Fair. I have an AMA I want to read. Can I do this? Fire it on. All right.

So we've heard this guy before. You will remember him. Insane life help question. Hey, I'm the guy you answered months ago that blew money, blew a ton of money from stocks. I have continued to blow my stocks. But to be honest, Kyle never messages me back, so I've just been blowing more money. Okay, you're right.

This is all Kyle's fault. I've been in Europe for three months now. I'm getting my Italian citizenship. But my question is, what do I do now? I have 110,000 left. I've spent hundreds of thousands on good times. But Woody or Kyle, how do I turn what I have left into something meaningful? I feel so lost. No family, no friends, only escorts, which I know will never love me. I put $15,000 on the reds money line last week

and came up big enough to last another year. sustaining the lifestyle I know won't last forever. Holy shit. I have always looked up to you guys as older brothers or parental figures. And I know the fans have done the same. At this point, after blowing hundreds of thousands of dollars that my grandmother gave me, what do I do? I have just over $110K left in my stocks and I feel like I'm at a loss. I have just over 110K left in my stocks, and I feel like I'm at a loss. I'm not sure any of you have heard the term passport, bro, but it means to travel for sex.

I feel as if I'm relegated to that. I know eventually my funds will run out, but there's nothing in my life that comes close to the satisfaction of when I do hookers and blow. It is incredibly sad to say, but Woody is the closest thing I have to a father, andyle is the closest thing i have to a brother taylor you're not in this wow the fuck he's not one of us it's the last sentence i need help and it's incredibly sad to realize the closest thing that i have to that is a podcast oh that's okay we're we're a real little family over here see what you need to do, you're paying $10, I think, to ask us that question. If you chip in $40 more or grant us money,

you can slide over into the PKA Discord like a big boy, and we could chat this out for two hours at a time. Look, this week, we're having a hangout. True. And if you can't make that one because the hooker's in blow, then the following Tuesday at 7 p.m. Eastern Time, having a whole other one. Six full hours of hangout. And if you can't make that one because the hooker's in blow, then the following Tuesday at 7pm

Eastern Time, having a whole other one. Six full hours of hangout time for just the low. Affordable. No hookers involved. I'm sorry. You won't be jizzming. For $50. People have hookers on their Discord. Bring a hooker.

Hang on. Right there. Go right there. Big miss. What are you pointing at? 40 more buckaroos. Not even fucking close, dude. Really? You point at it, then. Where are you on the screen? It's kind of above this part of your microphone.

For me, it's literally... I'm touching the K right now. Through your head. Taylor's more on target. Well, he can use his fucking imagination he's on drugs now no he's at a loss he'll never join the discord now slide over to discord i don't get your message i say just keep rolling with the reds who aren't in discords that i'm not in that's how my discord works clearly the red money line is the secret

that this guy i want to know more about your gambling that's cool look we've got investment guys in our Discord. Guys with fucking charts and shit. Not people like us. Yeah, they're not investing in the rap community line. They've got charts. They're experts. I mean, like, charts where they're like,

yeah, that worked. Like, clearly, they're doing well. High graphs, decimals, the whole nine. Guys who don't have... They've got Excel spreadsheets and then big the 3d graphics behind them dictating you know moves in the market star wipes whole presentations there are star wipes and that crayon our wives tickled my body um no come over there and talk to us about it because I'm going to be honest. I'll give you the same advice I gave you last time.

Stop. Stop. Stop spending that money. I'm going the other direction. All you got is $100,000 left. Get a sailboat, you lazy fuck. Get a sailboat and sail around the world. Go sail with a vagabond on this thing. Find yourself some fucking piece of ass who wants to join you on this cruise.

Would I go with him? Young Woody would. Woody, he's going to go buy a boat. He's got $140,000. You could probably chip in $50,000 more and take half ownership. He'd do that for you, Dad. Honestly, I would be trying to talk Jackie into doing an adventure like this if we weren't

responsible for Colin. But with Colin in the picture, I can't do this. But anyway, this dude can do this. This dude can buy himself a sailboat, get a catamaran so it doesn't death roll, and go around the world. Get down a boat. What are you, in Italy?

Sail out of the Italian Riviera to the Caribbean and bring yourself a piece of ass. That is the life you're looking for. And you want to make money? Film it. Put it on YouTube. It'll be dope. Pornhub. He's more of a Pornhub guy. He's looking for some love.

I do hear you, but not Pornhub because I can't see it. You could try both. Put the heavily edited version on YouTube. Just play both sides. Oh my god, his real name's at the bottom. That's Hunter. Hunter. Oh, my goodness, sir. If you could talk to your father, I've got some legal issues. I think last time we talked about this, we all had the same advice of like, you've got to stop spending tens of thousands of dollars every

couple months on prostitutes and drugs because it's just gonna make you sadder and sadder and sadder and sadder i don't think that was my take that was mine um i think my take was probably uh to use that money to like have an easier time getting some skills or starting a career or a business or whatever he wants to do, use that as a springboard. At one point, you had a fucking landing zone, but now you've got a springboard of money. So maybe use it like that or just invest it, I don't know, Roth IRA or something that can't be taxed, something long-term so that maybe a more adult, mature, less hooker and blow version of you can

tap into a couple hundred thousand dollars in 10 or 15 years. Something like that. Yeah. Based on his own comments, his current formula is not working. He's in Italy buying cocaine as we speak.

It's lame. He needs to travel different places. South America's got cheaper coke, dude. What are you doing? Yeah. Honestly, I just feel like getting a condo in Italy and banging whores is unfulfilling. Yes. Go start adventuring.

Live your life. Become a more worldly person. Go to church. Church? What the fuck are you talking about? Go to Brazil. I swear, if you go to church, they will as quickly as possible suck that remaining

110,000 you have left. Don't give them any money. This guy needs some kind of community. Some kind of community. That community exists to separate fools from their community. Yeah, I get it. That community exists to separate fools from their money. You don't want that. Maybe you could become a Mormon.

I think you're painting a too broad of a brush. I've got a very limited experience with the church. And they're like, oh, no, we don't like our members to write us checks. What's your routing number so we can deduct it ourselves? I'm like, the fuck? I'm going to give that church access. Okay, well, that's baffling. Don't do that. Don't do that.

My routing number? Go to Joel Osteen's church. Don't do that. They wanted to make withdrawals when they felt like it was appropriate from my bank account. Dude, that's so crazy. Does he have family back in the States? Just us. Just me and Woody. in the States? Just us. Just you two.

Here's what you want to do. You want to buy a ticket to Georgia. I'm going to tell you, dude, I'm just about to buy a grill and I was going to get a smoker, but maybe we'd go green egg. Maybe you'd chip in and come over for a barbecue. Never. Kyle will put you up. Never. Real quiet.

Dude, I bet you he'd buy you an egg if you cooked for him. No, I wouldn't. I think I'm just going to get the egg and not have to do that. I will say the same thing I said last time. Don't stop spending your money on hookers. It sounds like a great time, but the gambling is interesting to me. Is bet the Reds. Is that the Cincinnati Reds baseball team? That's what I would guess, yeah.

He bet spring training? It might be an old question. I don't know. Oh my god. How old is this guy? Wait a minute. This guy's dead. Dude, the Reds haven't been playing ball since early October. Oh man, he's probably got like 40k left

if he's going to this clip. My dog wasn't alive when the Reds were on the money line. This question rings a bell, so stop me if I've read it before. How do you handle having a girlfriend whose fetishes are incompatible with yours?

Does this ring a bell? We've answered stuff like this. I have been with my girlfriend for three and a half years now and we have a great relationship we love each other a lot and have great jobs and families who support our relationship and have similar interests the only problem is in the bedroom she needs a very specific set of positions and physical environment for her to really enjoy making love this is fine for me, there's one shortcut to this if she pushes and this font is killing me.

And that is through some of the more kinky things that I don't particularly enjoy, such as whipping me, handcuffing me, et cetera, while self-pleasuring. It is now escalated to the point where I can no longer relax in the bedroom. A little while ago, I was having a bad day and she gave me a blow job after work.

All was going well, but right as I said, I'm coming, she punched me in my sack as hard as she could. It made me pass out for the first time in my life and I don't know what to do. Is this relationship doomed or can we get past this? Oh my goodness. I don't believe you. But if I did believe you, yeah, I think you've got some... You're going to have to work on your dynamic a little bit and establish some rules about consent.

A couple of boundaries. Bullshit. Fuck, don't listen to Kylie. That's another. First thing about sex. Not everything you do in the bedroom is going to be your favorite thing to do in the bedroom. You let this bitch punch your sack. She's trying to get off too. Sounds like you came. You said you were. That sounds awful though. So anyway,

what if she could only come with like, she was burning you with a cigarette and you're like, I would look like, I have box marks all over me. Like a troubled 16 year old Avril Lavigne fan. I did see one of those. I think this guy's fibbing to us.

I was watching some... Well, let's answer it as though it's real, Kyle. What's your real advice? What was the question again? I'm genuinely asking. Basically, she gets off by hurting him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, genuinely what I said.

I don't care about kink, but you've got to establish some boundaries. There's all sorts of things you can do in the bedroom that could be like borderline and you wouldn't want sprung on you it's like yeah i'll do that but like don't fucking hit me in the back of the head with a blackjack and not be unconscious and do it to me don't rate me like like i want to talk about it but first and like agree we're doing that tonight um and i don't want anybody punching me in the balls. You can whoop my ass. I can deal with that, especially if it's not some paddle.

I'd be scared of a paddle. I got swats in school, and it hurts so much. From a real paddle, a grown-ass man hit me with a paddle in middle school, and that shit hurt. That shit hurt. I remember how much it stung. I've got a bony ass too. I can't stand up to a spanking. I think you would be a light log

saying like, all right, no punching. No you pussies talking about here's like maybe she can give her what she gives you, but a little more in the sack, right? You just give her that plus 10%. Does she punch you in the balls? You know what to do is your girlfriend.

You know what's up. I give her I give her a little whop right in the eyes, you know what to do. Is your girlfriend sex sensitive? You know what's up. I give her a little whop right in the eyes and then she starts going Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you Start doing that and it'll shut the mood right down. Train her like she's a stubborn

jackass. And then just sprint out of the room. Start acting like fucking chimp and this won't be an issue she won't want to fuck ever chimp's the worst I'm a mo guy yeah mo was the best I think I think yeah genuinely

like it's if that's real like the punching in the balls thing I know it's like a thing and then ruined orgasms is also a thing like these are real kinks that like women are into and the dudes are into but that's not the sort of kinks that you spring on people that's like pissing on somebody without asking that's crazy get punched in the balls i would be if i would that would be the end of our relationship if i randomly got punched in the balls before i was going to come yeah it'd be like oh that's such a betrayal of trust you just

attacked all right we're done here man because how am i ever going to have sex with you again without fearing that the next time i come with you will not be also met with a punch to the balls like there's there's no trust there anymore yeah coming off like a pillow princess no dummy guy who receives but doesn't give back i seems like he's receiving a lot of pain I always ask permission before I give a cunt punch madame and if he's not into

having his orgasms ruined that's just a bad sexual experience yeah that's just dreadful if you really like the orgasm part and you're not into having that ruined, someone ruining it isn't like if you really like the orgasm part and you're not into having that ruined someone ruining it isn't like sexy it's like the fuck i was right about to bust i don't know how robust testicles are but i i can't take too many right crosses i don't it's not good for you even

oh do you remember i think maybe who was it that was like crippled or fat or something and was working with ddp the former wrestler? Was that Boogie? It was Boogie. All right, so DDP actually. I'm scared of where this is going. So Diamond Dallas Page, the wrestler, DDP, old now. In the 90s, he was like one of the guys, one of the main guys. But I guess he has some sort of rehabilitation yoga program

where he helps people who have severe back trauma that's related sometimes to sports and he was helping boogie boogie i think gave him the thumbs up and said that it was very helpful and it gamed him back some mobility i just saw butterbean you remember butterbean yeah yeah butterbean can't stand up straight butterbean's in a motorized wheelchair and he's hunched over like a cartoon character. I just really wanted to fight again. Because he's working with DDP. There's a lot of comments.

Yeah, I think that I... That's Mike Tyson. Is that DDP? That looks like Butterbean. That's Butterbean on the left. Mike Tyson looks thin. Is that DDP? That looks like Butterbean. That's Butterbean on the left. Mike Tyson looks thin. Is that reason? I have no

idea. Not thin in a bad way. Oh, bro, imagine how wild it would be if Butterbean's One More Fight was on Mike Tyson. The hashtag One More Fight is... Oh, and this is from Diamond Dallas Page. Okay, I'm like looking beyond the picture now. Yeah, so the One More Fight thing was a YouTube video that I was was watching or maybe it was for a documentary that they made

about him but i was like scrolling through that thing you know to see just how pitiful he was and i saw he had he'd gotten to 298 pounds or something which was the first time in like forever that he'd been low pounds for him apparently i mean he is yeah that's that's sad to see him all crippled up though hope he does do well i wonder if it's related to his sports it's got to be i guess but i didn't know he had oh yeah yeah they're gonna make him fight again it's gonna be embarrassing that mike tyson fight's gonna be embarrassing mike's gonna get smoked you think yeah well he is like 40 years older than jake i've watched watched so many Mike Tyson retirement fights at this point. I remember

when he lost to Lennox Lewis. I remember then when he came back like five, six years after that, lost again. And then I remember him fighting Roy Jones Jr. and winning that. And I think maybe he lost one before that. He's just

always losing fights. He's not Mike Tyson anymore. He hasn't been since that first loss. was it buster douglas i see like boxing he stopped believing he was invincible it was over boxing tricks me i i see like mike tyson hit either pads or a heavy bag and it's like holy shit i i can't put into words how athletically he moves but he looks like he's 24 years old or 18 years old like it just looks amazing but i bet that when we see him with jake paul it won't be there it never is it never is because they're giving you that burst they're giving you their best 10 seconds i think when they hit pads i'm guessing because i've never seen anybody hit a at another boxer like they hit

pads unless all boxing is made up, which I'm not. It might be. It might be like WWE, but they kept their secret better. Could be. I never know. One of those guys would have spilled the beans by now in their late age. It's so easy to fix. They can't remember where they are.

That's what I'm saying. They would accidentally spill the beans. Hockey's hard to fix. Yeah, hockey would be tough to fix. There's a lot of randomness to the bouncing of the puck and everything. It'd be easy to be like... It'd be really hard to...

Plus, even a great player... I can hardly think of a sport where the stars, the tippy-top of the star pyramid have as small an impact as they do in hockey. maybe baseball like the very top guys in football they're still just one of 50 players and you know the quarterback matters a lot maybe he's there but basketball bro quarterback sure like they have five starters

and like two of them are scoring half their points if one of them fucks up, you can fix a game. But if Gretzky doesn't score at all that day, that team could still win. Sure. Or Gretzky could play great and they could still lose. There's a lot of parity in hockey. Coaches and officials seem like the way to do that. And also, you wouldn't need to necessarily lose the game. You just have to beat the spread, right? You just have to beat or beat the spread right you

just have to like keep it close or or make sure it wasn't even bigger blowout or whatever you were trying to do to whatever they were betting on whoever the people who were making you do the thing uh or betting on trying to think oh there was an episode of the shield where they kidnapped a fucking basketball player so they could bet on the goddamn game he's like yeah well i gotta get to the game he's like yeah i don't i don't think that's gonna happen big man he's going to get out of my way i gotta get the car and go to the stadium nah not tonight not tonight we got a lot of money riding on the other team yeah they just kidnapped him basically and made him so that he didn't make it to the first half of the fucking game and then he came back in and probably scored so many points he still won

no it's a tv show shield's good show too it's uh you know racist racist cops um doing doing crazy shit michael chiklis yeah he's a he's dirty cop doing dirty stuff all the time he burns that mexican pedophile's face on an electric stove you know it's got the little spiral i i didn't i haven't seen any of the shield sounds intense for fx yeah he was a he was a that was super fx is really intense um the shield will make you like sick to your stomach with the some of the torture and rape that's a really gruesome uh they do that thing where they hang the tires on people's necks and burn them alive. There's child... There's pedophilia. I think they do that in Africa.

Necklacing. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't Nelson Mandela do that to people? I know he blew up school buses of children. Yeah. I thought he was a good guy, though.

Doesn't sound like it based on that. But I also don't know much about that guy. Hmm. I have to say, he is not an area of interest of mine. Did he definitely blow up a school bus full of children? I've... I don't know what would motivate somebody to do that. Maybe those children were real assholes.

I think he was a terrorist. Nelson Mandela? Maybe. Freedom fighter? Anti-apartheid. I love how that works. I thought he was fighting against the power for freedom. Let's see.

I don't see anything about this school bus business. I'm trying to Google it. He might have been a good guy after all. Freedom fighter days, not part of saintly image. Who was the nun that turned out to be like a real real bitch that she was like roughing them kids up the only famous nun i'm aware of is mother teresa yeah mother teresa wrote something about how like it was good for those like tribes people with the plague to suffer because it brought them closer to god or something like that to be a saint you had to perform three like verified miracles and if i recall they like lowered the fucking bar for those miracles like oh this person recovered from a cold

uh it was warm it was sunny on a wedding day and uh like i'm making it up but it was bullshit yeah i don't know about that when the catholics are fucking weird man i gotta say like like all of those saints always struck me as like mumbo jumbo to me it's like what do you mean you've got a bunch of saints you also pray to like like what you've got a little doll of the saint and you light candles for it and you drink you pour blood out for what what is this you've got a it got to... The Catholics are a little bit closer to some crazy mumbo-jumbo stuff than just the good old Southern Baptists who just like to have a good drink,

sing a Bethel song. It depends. The Catholic thing is like, if the praying to Mary, I don't get. When I've talked to Catholics, they're like, you're praying to mary i don't get like when i've talked to catholics they're like you know you're like praying to god and like asking mary to like deliver it to god and it's like well but like it just goes straight to god i wouldn't put up with that shit i'd be like i'm

not god's messenger i'd burn that shit in the fire pit he would destroy those prayers he would not pass them on to god and it's like yeah but god god doesn't doesn't mean that i'm your gateway to god the saint thing in particular is weird to me though like i can almost understand you know you've got the the the holy trinity i i can wrap my head around that okay it's different's different personifications. But when you've got like St. Christopher, or who, I don't know what the saints do, but it reminds me of Greek gods. Like, oh yeah, that's the saint of lost causes. And oh, he's the one, if you lose your keys.

That's the only one I know. That's the only one I'll ever pray to. St. Anthony, the finder of lost things. Right? There's one for everything seemingly. Just like, oh, he's the messenger fucking saint he died sending a message they ran out of all the good saints probably early on where it's like all right thomas aquinas you're in the book big old saint good saint and then like 600 years down the line they're like all right saint thomas was a really great guy but like we're out of the good

stuff like you could be the lost guys thing maybe it's saint anthony right am i wrong you're probably right i don't know them i know that like my uh my whole dad's side of the family is catholic and so like i know the way they do it or my grandma at least is more like tongue and not tongue-in-cheek but like more just like for luck thing like nobody's praying to saints it's just I know the way they do it or my grandma at least is more like tongue and not tongue in cheek, but like more just like for luck thing. Like nobody's praying to saints. It's just like, Oh,

I have a statue of St. You know, Peter out in my garden. And that's supposed to bring me luck or something like that. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's, that's far that my wife basically St.

Anthony is the only one that she'll mention. And it's when you've lost your keys. I pray to St. Anthony. Does it help? I found my keys, but I didn't really hear him. I'm going to start praying to fucking Master Chief when I feel like I'm not up to a task because that makes so much more sense

than any of that nonsense. That's who you turn to? Fucking Spartan 117? You're goddamn right. I don't think so, Kyle. I think you're misguided on this. When I need to finish the fight, I'm going to the chief. I'm praying to the Doomguy, and we'll see which one of us wins the fight.

No, Doomguy versus Master Chief. Well, Doomguy has magic. It's not fair, is it? Oh, I didn't realize he had magic. Yes, he has magic. Are you sure? I thought he just had guns. He combats demons and angels alike he is a magical being right with all sorts of like otherworldly like like

craft weapons he has a big like flaming sword at one point and i think i push things around or like i definitely have a gun with a seemingly magical chain that pulls me to him. Yeah, no laws of physics there. Like a 10 pound bat monster. I don't think he takes fall damage. That's magic.

But does Master Chief? Yeah, he definitely takes fall damage. Unless you throw a grenade down there. I'm looking like Woody wins this one, Kyle. Yeah, I think so. I mean, you know. But what I'm saying is those saints are fucking black magic mumbo jumbo and it's ridiculous. It's fucking ridiculous.

Old stance. Mythical people are not real. It's not even the myth. Well, they were real. That's the worst part. It makes more sense to me if you're praying to John the Baptist. If you told me you prayed to John the Baptist, I'd be like, oh, that's a little weird. But okay, yeah, he's a central figure.

Cool. You pray to Moses too? Noah? Any of them? Noah's wife? All right, she was sick. Jesus did say about John the Baptist that he was the best man ever born of woman. But the fact that they're praying to some man

who was executed by the Romans, some man who was executed by the Romans like a thousand years ago, that we pray to that guy? He couldn't even contend with some Roman fucking centurions. He couldn't handle eight Italians with fucking short swords, and he's going to get me out of my jam? The St. Anthony?

Any of, half of them like that's their thing that you become a saint by like fucking being murdered and like taking the l for the lord like there's one that they burned alive right and they're roasted and he said turn me he said stop stop and they said what do you wish to confess he said turn me over i'm done on this side which one was that that's pretty hard that's pretty dope that side. Which one was that? That's pretty hard. That's pretty dope. I was afraid of that guy. There was the saint who was being killed by crushing. Because I guess back in the day, they had nothing to do but time of like,

how do we kill this guy? I don't know. Let's go to the creative Willy Wonka of killing factory and see what sort of whimsical ideas he has. It was very common. Yeah, that was when they were stacking rocks on him. And his last words were like, more weight. That was a Cologne. It was very common. That was when they were stacking rocks on him and his last words were more weight. That was a witch trial thing in the colonial era.

John the Baptist, best person ever born of a woman, according to God. Is that just vaginal births or C-sections born of a woman? The whole gamut. Anyone who has a mom. Jesus was saying John john the baptist is the highest in his view and it's jesus so his view matters a lot of like men and he then he

was like and even john the baptist is lower than the lowest person in the kingdom of heaven this jesus guy you're putting him on a pedestal like i'll take his carpentry advice but i don't know if i trust his character judgment i don know. I think he was pretty good at that. Home Depot were smart. That's marketing genius. I'll Don Draper the fuck out of that one. Fucking Lowe's or Home Depot is going to pay me top dollar for my Jesus collab.

He's the greatest carpenter of all fucking time. Two by fours with Jesus. I'm going to make... It's going to be half construction advice and half Bible verses. It's going to be Bible verses about construction oh, wait a minute are there any of those? yeah, look up Bible verses

about construction thou shalt never use but joints with wood, mortise and tenon only there's going to be some stuff in there about contractors about mortar and pestle never pay your contractor until all the punch list is complete, sure, sure sure that's in there no there's not a lot about construction nothing in there there's actually a dark of your drywall bud like combined holy gospel and drywall you'll get a lot

of hits i i'm sure there There'll be some songs, perhaps. Is there a... Drywall. Well, this isn't helpful. Coming up dry, huh? Yeah. Coming up drywall. Well, I'll have to pull one of those Gandalfs at Minas Tirith and dig through the tomes

and see what I can come up with for next week. But I'm quite sure there's going to be some. And if we're going to sell this to Lowe's or Home Depot, we're going to need to get our things in order. You can lean on like the... Hold on. Jesus states that those who hear his words and do them are wise builders. They have built their home on rock solid foundations.

You know, so much of the Bible is about praising the Bible. Hey, Zeus says that too. He's my contractor. Dude, I'm trying to think of a way you could play the like not building your house on the sand. Like you want a solid foundation of rock, of stone, not of sand. And Catholicism. Well, that's just in the Bible. Bedrock. Yeah.

You want to build your house upon the rock, not upon the sand, because you build on the sand, and you've seen those videos of the houses on stilts near the beach. They get fucked up. Yeah, but they only record them when that's happening, right? There's one somewhere right now on stilts doing just fine. That's fair,

but they're probably not sn stuck right in the sand. So a little technicality there. Beachfront property is a real fucking dice throw if you think about it. They're always talking. I said this like a month or two ago. That's how I know global warming is not fucking real, or at least to the point where the seas are going to rise anytime soon because the richest people keep buying that beachfront property.

Have you been to the beach? Kyle, I was thinking about this. You know the answer to that question i despise it okay if you go to the homeowners with beachfront property are 65 and older those are the people who have enough money to blow to buy beachfront homes so you're telling me that people with money to blow who have 10 years left in their life are your indicator of global warming and climate change? No, it would be the fact that all their predictions are wrong every time for the last 70 years. You don't know how their predictions are going to work out because you need to wait. Dude, they've been Charlie Browning everyone for 70 70 years. There were people in like 1947 who were like, it's getting wild out here in the 70s.

We're all going to drown. I know how it sounds. Seems like a boondoggle. You're actually off on that, but somehow you're wrong and still right because back in the 70s, they predicted that an ice age was coming. Now they're predicting the war heats up. I thought it was an ice age was coming now they're predicting the war heats up i thought it was an ice age again oh i thought they said i could be wrong i don't know maybe i thought that once all of the you know the the the icebergs and the um the ice shelf or whatever breaks off and

melts then the temperature of the ocean lowers so then the currents don't circulate so then you go into an ice age or something like that that's what the fake science man told me on the propaganda tube and i just don't fucking believe it must be a flat earther to not believe the earth is getting warmer though right like that's a thing that we can measure we have the tech for that i just don't know if it's a significant amount and i'm not sure how entirely responsible for it we are because they also show that that thing that goes back you know 20 30 000 years because they can see from the ice with the oxygenation level. You can see the chemistry of the atmosphere because of the bubbles

that are frozen in ice and you can date the ice. You can tell what the atmosphere was doing over time and the fact that the ice existed tells you a little something about where it's placed. It seems like the temperature's always going up and down. Always, for eons and upon eons and i just

don't know that little old seems like it's been going up but now there's a hockey stick effect like a lot of the warming that we've seen over the last thousand years has been from the last 100 they called it like a little ice age that we were in probably not anymore but they used to like in the 19th century like 19th 20th century where they were like we're actually in an ice age right now and it's going to heat up and who knows like kyle how much we're responsible for it i don't know i want the environment to be nice but this whole like like ridiculous shit of like new york is gonna be underwater it's like fuck you liar like do you think i'm do you think liar. Like, do you think I'm, do you think I'm retarded?

Do you think I'm a retarded person that you can just say for 70 years that we're five years away from the answer? The sea level's rising that much. And it's like, they keep going on about, oh, this is bad. That's what are the consequences in real time? Tell me what year you can be off by 20 plus or minus when it'll be a problem for a person. And they'll be like, oh, the first person died 15 years ago from global warming. Okay, don't tell me that a famine in fucking Thailand that killed some people has anything to do with my straws or my fucking Ford.

Because that's nonsense. Tell me when the fucking oceans come and swallow up miami tell me when miami beach property is worthless tell me when because what date will that be will that be 2100 2200 will it be three or 3000 is that we're talking about i know in a billion years the sun like runs out of hydrogen or some shit and eats the earth like is that we're planning for the dark days i just don't think it's anytime soon because I remember in kindergarten watching that video and then

being like, it just seems like a little bit but a penny at a time. And they did some funny math to show you that saving a penny per added up to this huge mountain of pennies. If you wait long enough you'll have $4. Yeah. And they were like, yeah, you see the world's going they were

showing us that fucking liquid earth from get kevin costner movie and in 1990 i remember seeing that no not the movie they showed us a fucking cartoon to warn us about our cars making us all drown in the future when kindergarten and i was just like oh my god we're all gonna drown in the future so then when i watched the kevin cost movie, I wasn't enjoying the fucking ski-dos, everybody zipping around the little girl with a map in her back. I was scared because they'd warned me about this in childhood. Those ski-dos did not have any exhaust to hold back the smoke that came out of them. That was the cause.

I bet you could burn yourself on those real easily. They were really willy-nilly with that fuel supply they had to have their henchmen each have a ski-doo that they just hot-rodded around in. And if you remember, the main bad guy, he tooled around in a Cadillac that had a working engine, and they were on

a boat. I only watched the third of that movie, and I was like, it's awful. I like that movie. Everyone Holds Up Waterworld is one of the worst movies ever made, and i turned it off i like that movie everyone holds up water world is one of the worst movies ever made and i like it somehow it won it's won people over and people now understand that it didn't lose money the problem was at the time it was the most expensive movie ever made and they expected like star wars success and what they got was it made its money

back and that's it but it was a gigantic movie. They had tons of setbacks. They built that island, you know, that sort of thing he visits in the beginning. Archipelago is sort of a man-made structure. They built that for real. And it kept getting destroyed by storms and the waves. And the thing was, like, you couldn't poop out there or pee out there, legally speaking. So people would have to be boated back to the shore to use the bathroom.

And it was just this nightmare for production that went on and on. I think he almost drowned in that mud tank they had him in at one point. I heard something similar about the cost overruns. One of the problems, so a lot of the costs that Kyle mentioned, not all, but a lot, at least show up in the movie. That island was very expensive to build. But you had a real island that it looks cool and it was pretty good but a lot of the costs went to stuff that didn't make the movie better like for example if they didn't eat lunch on time the union would have fines that the movie had to pay well because the filming took place on the water it was really hard to like hit a schedule

and sometimes they had to choose between the fines or stopping production and they just pick the fines but these are problems they wouldn't have if they were in a studio somewhere yeah you just didn't make the movie better right there kind of yeah right so expensive i think it's a very good movie um i i like it i like the the the idea of it you know kevin costner it's a it's a very good movie. I like it. I like the idea of it. You know, Kevin Costner, it's called Waterworld for anybody who's not fucking hip to 1990s blockbusters. He's got the gills. I thought the lore behind that was way more interesting than the story that was like happening on screen. I wanted to know more about that city down there. I wanted to go down there and just look around for a while at all the...

Underwater City? It's been so long. are you talking yeah yeah yeah he so to convince the lady that's with him like to explain to her the the nature of the world because they're all talking about the map on the kid's back and he's like there is no fucking dry land you want to see dry land i'll show you dry land and he takes her down there and like a little submersible type thing he's got this little bubble of air basically that's weighted and there the skyscrapers are they're like over new york or boston like a big skyscraper city they're over it's like terrifying by the way to find that at the bottom of the ocean something about that was unsettling to see the skyscrapers of say new york are not that far below the water, then there should definitely be

mountain ranges they could go to. They ended up in Mount Everest at the very end. That's where the dry land was. They find that plaque that says Edmund Hillary or whoever the fuck climbed the person and everything. I stand by my take that I could climb Mount Everest if I needed to within 18 months.

I could climb Mount Everest if I had 18 months lead time and someone to finance it, of course, I could ask someday you'll have the time. I just don't think it's easy. I mean, I don't think it's hard. I don't think it's hard at all. I think it's really, really, I think that if you died, I mean, people do look, I just don't think it's hard.

I think that, that it's, it can be deadly. It can be dangerous, I just don't think it's hard. I think that it can be deadly. It can be dangerous, but I don't think it's hard. And I think when it is deadly and dangerous, it's a weather event, and the climbing itself all seems... A lot of them are old. Sure, they're in bad health when they go up there, because a big part of it, in my humble estimation,

is the lack of oxygen and climatizing to that and dealing with that as like a a mission modifier if you will you know like like if you were making that hike at a thousand feet of elevation or three thousand feet of elevation it wouldn't be a big deal at all like the last step or whatever it is but they're so high up there and they're carrying those tanks of oxygen but even still it seems like they're all like suffering from various forms of kind of hypoxia or whatever like like lack of oxygen to the brain are very common and there's multiple syndromes that people suffer from where you saw in the movie i saw like frostbite well the one guy takes he gets hot he starts tearing his clothes off because he's he a manic state. He's not himself in any way

because of the oxygen. Long-term, low oxygen or something like that. Did you see that Reddit guy today? His story? Don't think so. Oh, shucks. I don't know if I can still find it quickly. This might take

a minute or two, but there's a guy who lived an absolutely amazing life, and I think he died on Mount Everest. Oh, I saw that. He lived a crazy life. He like kayak solo across the ocean a bunch of times at like 72 years old. He's ripped his fuck. He looks like a,

he looks like an Aboriginal with his beard and hair. Like he's that kind of wild man. And he like summited Kilimanjaro maybe. And then he was like, give me two minutes to like get ready to head back down and just sat down fell asleep and died it's like what a great life that's perfect die on the summit of kilimanjaro yeah and i i was looking for him while you were talking but yeah and he just kind of willingly decided it was a good time to die or he just

fell asleep you know that's what i'd say Dude, if it was me and you up there climbing and at the end you were begging, I wouldn't tell anybody. I'd be like, he just gently went to sleep. He decided that was enough. He called this a win. What he wanted to do was to die on the peak of Mount Everest.

He said he wanted me to have all his money. And he asked that I zip his body up into his sleeping bag. And push him down the hill. And throw it off the mountain so that he would forever be here. He wanted to be sure that any signs that this was

murder were gone. Gone. He said, have my boots that you've wanted. I think he choked himself a lot Are you wearing his watch? Yes, I am He's such a generous man A generous man, would he?

You couldn't have taken his hand out of it? I couldn't work the latch I had my climbing axe It's colder than that That guy could have said anything but I'd have come back down and be like just gently i don't want a climbing axe i don't want to climb but i want to buy a red rebel if you're going to do it right is that a type of climbing axe it's the one from tarkov and so

so in tarkov it is it is a melee weapon but it's also a necessary piece of equipment to have on your person to use specific, very important extracts on particular maps. So when you acquire one through either getting to the right level or magically in-game, you get lucky enough to acquire one, it's a big deal.

Now you're a big boy and you can go out the big boy extract on the big boy maps. And it's a big deal to acquire one. So it's a well-known part of the game and its lore. It's the Red Rebel climbing axe and I know for sure it's a real life item because there's a website for all the Tarkov items

from the cowboy hat to the weaponry, the cases, all that shit. The lip balm. To add to what Kyle said, as you might guess, the whole point of Escape from Tarkov is to escape, to extract with the stuff you just gathered and the Red Rebel opens up easier extracts. So survival rate will go up.

If I have a red rebel and Kyle has a red rebel and Taylor doesn't, we all secretly hate him because he's causing us to go to the hard extract. I'd be out by now. I would have all these goods. I'd be in my stash celebrating, but because taylor sucks now we have to summon the train and well you got a job taylor you got a new job get jaeger level four so you can get yourself a red rebel yeah my first wipe scum and maybe larry chipped in to buy a Red Rebel. And it's definitely an act of generosity.

But they did tell me, we're tired of doing the hard extract. What do you have a Red Rebel? I did the same thing. I've definitely gifted people Red Rebels just because it's at a point you've got so much money. It doesn't fucking matter. It's about 1.7 for Red Rebel. It's not crazy once you have a good amount of money. But yeah, you don't want to have to go

through those. That map in particular, it's not that it's an easier extract. It's that either things go from hell to heaven. The extracts that are there before you have the Red Rebel, one of them is in this dark corner

underground called D2. You have to turn a switch on and then you have to go through these tunnels and like dark stairwells and it's back in a little corner and people wait because they know you're coming because they know that there aren't many extracts and they'll just extract camp you in there they'll spend the whole game yeah they'll spend the whole game in there hiding in a corner. I think. Because it takes a minute and then alarm set, so everyone knows where you're about to go. Yeah, I used to get on the train out in the yard,

and it could be iffy because they could shoot you from so many angles. But I started getting in the train, in the train station, and just going prone in there, and it works every time. There's a closet that you can often hide in. Yeah. In the train station and just going prone in there and it works every time. There's a closet that you can often hide in. Yeah. I haven't played in, in a couple months now. I'm pretty sure I'm done for this wipe unless they were to add something big,

but I'm, I'm still loving hell divers. The, the combination of having my, all my stratagems on that stream deck, which makes it like a, it's like having a, an extra controller for the game or something.

It makes, it gives you a, I don't know. It makes the game better somehow's like having a an extra controller for the game or something it makes it gives you a i don't know it makes the game better somehow like having this tactile thing i use imagine if all your killstreaks and call of duty were sort of on a pad over here like yeah commander's calling them in well in this game you're constantly calling these things in because they it's your ammo it's how when your friend dies and you need to get him back in the game there's a button for that. And I used to have to type in a code. Now I just hit the friend button. Like get my boys back in.

It's really fun. And the game itself is good. The game's continually adding new shit. It's one of those live service games that they want a lot of people. How many buttons do you really need? Let me give you more info. I have a foot pad with three buttons on it not getting it

done i need a minimum of six there there are um four key stratagems one of them's to call your buddies in and one of them's to call ammo in so i have absolutely minimum of six okay yeah i thought i was hoping you'd be like yeah the my three most commonly used are 80% there. And the other thing is you shift them every game maybe because it's also like playing COD. You would shift them as readily as you'd be like, I want to use an M16 this game. I want to use that new pistol.

Every time you change a little piece of your kit, you'd have a new. But the software is great. You just slide everything in. That game's been really fun. I think that the next thing around the corner might be Age of... No, I'm just kidding. Fallout 70? Maybe.

Fallout 76? Yeah, Scum's been wanting to play Fallout 76. That game came out... You're always welcome on Age of Empires. I see you all over there. I see you dragging my boys in there, trying to give them that poison. It's like I got a crew over here and we're just smoking weed.

We're smoking doobies, watching sports, and Taylor's got a dirty crowd over there in his Discord. They're over there shooting meth, doing hate calls and cocaine. Yeah, they're mixing drugs. They're titty-flopping. Six hotkeys? Not enough. We need dozens. They're titty flopping. Six hotkeys? Not enough. We need dozens.

They're ginger flipping. They're doing all sorts of weird combinations of drugs. And if you ever jump over to AOE, I was going to be super nice to you and not bully you. You're going to let me play the Pakistanis? The Hindustanis? You can play Hindustanis if you want, but you can play

whoever you wish. They are one of my favorites but i would happily give them up for a game to allow you to play i would choose versions instead but i see you dragging my boys over there trying to expose them to that poison vavidi's on with us he's playing he uh vavidi's in a breakup mode though he'll play anything we played uh we we like vavidi hadn't played in a year. To make sure that it's a nice reintroduction to the game, I was like, all right, there's four of us on,

including Vavity, so we're just going to do 4v4 versus AI. No live. I'm going to turn the AI down from the hardest levels to just regular hard. Not that difficult. The rest of us can trounce that. And so we'll keep Bobbity nice and safe.

I, you can even pick your colors and number to make sure that me and my brother were on the flanks on the outside. So we're the ones who are likely to get it safe, keep them nice and safe. And I'd never seen the AI do this. I'd never seen the AI do this, but I was destroying one of the AIs.

I haven't pretty much knocked out of the game. And all three of the other ones stormed past everyone else in the game and all picked on Vavity. And he was like, Taylor, they got elephants here. They got elephants here right now. And they have camels and knights and bombard cannons also. And I was like, I think he's being exaggerating a little bit. You know, there's no way they have all that down there.

I clicked down there and the full force of every single AI has ruined his base. He was, you need hundreds, like a hundred plus villagers like towards the end of the game. And I was like, we can get you back in this Volvody.

I got a ton of resources. I'm going to use the market and I'm going to send you thousands of everything to rebuild. And he's like, ah, man, I got six ton of resources. I'm going to use the market and I'm going to send you thousands of everything to rebuild. And he's like, ah, man, I got, I got six villagers left.

I looked at his base. Even the farms were destroyed. Everything was thousands of everything. And I was like, oh man, this is a terrible reintroduction to him. Don't you hate that when you're trying to show somebody a game and like, it happens to go really shittily.

Yeah. I promise you usually the servers are yeah they're fine usually this doesn't happen i don't know why all three of them stormed past everyone else to get to you but you know you'll you'll get you'll get better but he's a natural gamer he'll pick it up yeah i might try to keep him away from that keep him over there where i am playing you i played hell divers with, and I would have been a nice teammate. No sending catapults into your base because you can team kill with catapults because they do friendly fire.

That's bad manners, though, in AoE. But you threw a... You stuck me with a grenade. Killed me. Killed me with a drop pod in my first game. That was awesome. It was a hell of a throw, though. That was awesome. Yeah, that was great. That's a my first game. That was awesome. It was a hell of a throw, though. That was awesome.

Yeah, that was great. It's a very fun game. It was fun. The team kill, just how little your life seems to matter is kind of a fun part of the game for me. I like that, that everyone is so expendable, clearly. It's not that when you call in your teammate, you're not calling in a revive.

You're just bringing a new dude in. So they give you call in your teammate, you're not calling in a revive. You're just bringing a new dude in. So they give you 25 dudes per mission, and we'll go through them all sometimes, and we'll all die, and we'll go, mission accomplished. Fuck, it's so dark. We're clearly the United States.

Like I've said before, we're invading, spreading liberty, and stealing oil. Like 100%, that's exactly what we're doing. I had a lot more fun with the custom guns spreading liberty and stealing oil. Like a hundred percent. That's exactly what we're doing. And, um, I had a lot more fun with the custom guns. Once someone started letting me use those, maybe not custom guns. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. With lightning, tons of cool shit you can throw in. Yeah. The weapons are fun. It's just fun to kill the enemies in that game. The bugs explode into green goo and they scream and they,

they don't beg, but they would, if they could speak english because you're burning them alive with flamethrowers and stuff they're coming at us pretty hard too yeah they seem like rough customers they yeah i don't think we're ever kind of hard to negotiate with insects um that would be a big like if they if that's one of those sci-fi nightmare things that would like like i don't like spiders and scorpions i don't like bugs i really don't i'm afraid of them i don't care for them but they're so small that i can

contend with them quite easily it's rare that you see a bug that's big enough that it's scary i sometimes you see like centipedes in south america and you're like oh my god yeah it's like that's like a tiny snake i'm gonna arm myself before yeah i get a stick before i go ahead like i'm not gonna just try to step on him he might go my pants pants he's going for my nuts and i'm like squeezing at the knee keep trying to keep it while he's biting the shit out of your calf with his giant but he's now he's stinging my calf over and over with his asshole or spraying pheromones on me to attract the others from their hive or whatever they live in i'm scared of those things so like when i when i watch those things about prehistoric insects back when the united the when the the planet had a higher oxygen level the insects could grow much much larger because

the way they breathe is they've had these little ports that they absorb it through their skin so those can only get so big so insects can only get so big yeah it's all about the oxygen content they used to be enormous taylor there used to be wasps as big as crows can you imagine a wasp the size of a fucking crow you know they didn't like you think that's a solo wasp like it lives by itself with its lady wasp and they have like a couple no they're in a big hive somewhere for sure there would be even walking you'd be walking through that prehistoric forest and you'd just hear, and you'd look up and you would have walked far too close

to a wasp nest that looked more like a murder of crows just sort of vibrating their little wings so that they keep the babies cool, just vibrating them and staring at you. Like, you're meat. You're meat. Could we lay our eggs in that mama like then they come for you and it'd be over get stinging stinging is that really over and over they're not like bees yeah it's all wasps the size of crow help me some science cook it if you have to

if you want me to care about the farce of global warming, then they better start lying about bugs getting bigger. Zach, go to cryptids.org. My password. I'm quite sure. I've seen the dragonflies, and those were like 12 or 18-inch wingspans from what I remember. So I'm pretty sure there were crow-sized wasps. I'd bet.

Maybe. An amount of money on it. So I'm pretty sure there were crow-sized wasps. I'd bet. Maybe. An amount of money on it. I thought I heard someone tell me once that, like, oh, if you take, like, a wasp or a bee and you make it way bigger, that, like, the flight part won't work anymore. Like, it wouldn't be able to get the thrust or the lift or whatever at that size. But a crawling wasp the size of, like, a chihuahua is still horrid. Or an ant. it wouldn't be able to get the thrust or the lift or whatever at that size.

But a crawling wasp the size of a chihuahua is still horrid. Or a mant or beetles or like a praying mantis the size of a cat would be a fucking problem. It'd be a huge problem. Just snip your foot off. I can't think of any big birds that flap their wings to fly very much. That's modern day fucking hornets. And that's awful. Unless that's a very small handed person, that's awful. Insects flap their wings furiously.

Little birds also provide their own thrust by flapping wings. But if you look at birds of prey and such, an albatross, they're built so they can kind of rest on their arms like for you to do an iron cross be very hard but if you were built like a bird it wouldn't be so hard and then they just find thermals and surf around what the fuck is this does this support kyle's argument i'm confused this is just a poorly rendered centipede that That was an ocean creature. This could be it. Dragonflies are the greatest flyers in the world.

They can fly in any direction. Yeah, according to them. How many birds can fly in any direction? You don't see them talking shit. Dragonflies do it better, though. They're super effective predators. I don't know what this is supposed to be, but you did go to cryptids.com, I believe.

Is that a real website? I've never been there, but this is what I would imagine. Wendigoon spends a lot of time on cryptids.com. We get him to cryptids.com. He gets to add some to the shit. I don't like these spider faces, if I'm being

completely honest. I don't care for them. Yeah, I completely honest. I don't care for them. Yeah, I hate spiders. I hate bugs. I dislike spiders so much more than I dislike snakes. Oh, yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm... Okay, so I know...

At least a snake has a mouth, two eyes. I know what's up. It's a reptilian brain thing, but my God, at least it's a brain. Whatever's in that spider's head he does not give a shit about you like i can believe that a snake or even a crocodiles or whatever could have some sort of attachment with their person or at least a familiarity that they will they think of you as like oh this person cohort yeah they think of you or they think of you as like a cohort like an associate or something like that it's not like my dog thinks I'm like

it's parent and loves me unconditionally so much I don't know if those gators do that but they won't bite like clearly you can get those reptiles to not bite you I don't know if you do that with a fucking insect if it's ever thinking like oh yeah that's my big friend Kyle he hooks me up with spiders on the reg like he's

not thinking that you're gonna stay nowhere in the abdomen and lay eggs in you. The second he's like, I bet he would be wonderful to lay eggs in. He's so big. They would. That's what they're thinking. Yeah, that's how they talk. It's very.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bugs suck. If we could get rid of all the bugs, except for the good ones. Answer. Fine. Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Worst. Worst enemy is not goth mog no sir i'd fight five goth mogs before i would fight that giant spider no i don't want to talk about goth mog was one of the harvey weinstein's uh yeah oh he was one of the orcs yeah he was the big leader orc yeah he's the one who like sees the boulder coming and steps out of the way at the last second and then spits on it yeah and then the troll is looking he's like like kind of surprised who's the toughest guy in lord of the rings that's not one of the you know heroes oh it's not one of the fellowship hmm i guess your sauron's the easy pick right oh yeah if you're including those guys then sauron the ballrog is maybe we get to go with tom bombadil do i get to steal the fucking show

yeah tom bombadil he's up there the ballrog but even the ballrog is like a minor gandalf level yeah like like like uh i think that um if you of the characters i'm trying to think balrog's up there which king's up there if you include that i legit forget the witch king he's the head nazkel the guys in the the black clothes the lady they kind of doesn't do much in the movie no no he's more powerful I guess I didn't like that he broke Gandalf's staff I thought that was horse shit that didn't make

any sense to me that he was like your staff is broken and Gandalf's staff fucking explodes like I feel like they're equals that he shouldn't be able to do that yeah it does seem like that but he did it you know it was like no I but he did it.

It was like, no, I saw it, Kyle. It happened. It's real. Definitely more powerful than the other Nazgul. I saw that great meme. And it's like seven of the other nine when he was protecting the guys fleeing from Askelia. I saw the meme and it's King Theoden laying there dying and a little blood dribbling out of his mouth. And he's like, I'd have wagered to charge if I'd known the ghost army was coming.

Terrible timing. We could have showed up a half an hour later and really ran roughshod over a lot of crippled orcs that the ghosts had left us. We'd have been able to take all the credit because weren't the ghosts going to go telling tales? I think not.

They would have fucked up all the ministerial. That's such – if I'm the girl, I'm incensed. Eomer? Eowyn. If I'm Eowyn, if I'm Eowyn, they all have the – then I'm so upset that, like, we didn't delay the battle 30 minutes so that my kingdom still gets to be the secondary kingdom. My bloodline doesn't... That I lose my father,

that we lose all of those people, like 10,000 men or something, because we were 30 minutes early. Early. Yeah. And they didn't expect the... They couldn't send a pigeon? They couldn't send a bird to warn somebody?

Maybe an elf on a horse that he rides hard all night or something up the coastline? I mean, the way it's kind of, I believe, meant to be is if they hadn't shown up and delayed Mordor's army, Minas Tirith would not have been there by the time the Ghost Army showed up. Okay, now, didn't they run into the field to fight them there?

They did, but there were so many like they basically behind the wall and really borderless army to not go into minas tirate this quickly and doors they were coming in i think he's got a point i think you have a point up until that last charge when when when he's like oh they have elephants all right everybody run him on me like when we saw the elephants we should have ran away for sure yeah now yeah you should have really done a little bit of kiting there because yes those those mumakil were having no problem fucking up horses swinging their fucking that was so i remember watching that in theaters what was that 2003 so i was like 12 and just being like oh this is the coolest thing i've ever seen in my entire life. It was really fucking cool.

When Legolas killed it, that was the part that I got excited about. John Rhys-Davies did a podcast like two days ago in an interview. He talked about Lord of the Rings and a bunch of other shit. I've got it on my watch list. I like that guy. He's the one who played Gimli.

There wasn't... I realized a good deal of like the gimley legless relationship is kind of just in the extended editions like a lot of that of them like i think uh i've never watched the regular edition outside the theater the yeah like the cinematic like one. Because I don't think that little conversation they have after Helm's Deep about who killed more, they don't have that in the regular version. They just have the very end clip of it and the pre-battle part. I'm looking forward to the extended, extended versions. We've talked about this a bit before, there was a lot more footage um to make the extended extended versions i think they've got like 30 minutes 30 more minutes per movie or

something as soon as it comes out i'm watching all of them yeah i've seen some of this it's it's little extra scenes to to fill in certain gaps i know there's one um after the battle at minister where they're all just kind of recuperating, I think, like healing up after that. But there's lots and lots. I've seen the still images of them and I've seen some of the video I think somewhere, maybe on Reddit. I hope there's a little more Mouth of Sauron in it because he was mostly

included just in the extended edition, but if there was a little more... Welcome Gandalf Greyhaven. That guy was spooky. It's like, how is he holding the helmet up? It looks so heavy. That's exactly what he said, by the way. Well done. Yeah, bring it up and not to sour on Zach.

Very, very spooky guy. Do you think the Harry Potter movies are better? Would you give her? The fact that there's eight of them is kind of a, now if we go pound for pound, I fact that there's eight of them is is kind of a now if we go pound for pound i think that it's it's it's hard to compete with just the the pile of oscars you know like 30 oscars or some shit whatever it is but uh so no i don't but i think the harry potter movies do an

amazing job at adapting those books which i also love like i love the books and i love the movies there are parts in the movies where it's like... I love that they skip over a lot of the Quidditch, for example. You don't need it. You don't need... sports life. Yeah, I think they tell you he's a sports star in this school.

That's all you need to know. Yeah, more or less. There's some plot points that circle around it, but they do a really good job of condensing some very thick books into those two and a half hour movies. I like those a lot. I'm looking forward to the new TV show for that. I think it's been long enough,

and I don't think that's one where you necessarily only ever get to have one Harry Potter. You can have another Harry Potter. I think whoever tries to step into Iron Man shoes, I think they're gonna have a rough time of it i saw the new james bond new james bond is um you would know jack zach will have to pull up a picture of him but uh the new james bond is that guy from the marvel movie um age of ultron he's like the speed guy he's scarlet which is brother yeah the russian twins yep i think that guy's the new james bond they finally picked one um i thought they were going

to go with a black guy or a or a girl or something like that this time around but i guess they stuck with good looking white guy i'd for now you feel like j James Bond's supposed to be a good-looking white guy. I could do a good-looking black guy, but I don't think I could do a girl. It's supposed to be James Bond. Are they going to make it Jane Bond? Yeah. You should be a white Englishman. It's Jamie Bond! Aaron Taylor

Johnson. Yeah. That guy, I don't really remember his performance super well. Is James Bond going to be the new one? yeah it's new James Bond maybe a little haircut you want James Bond to have a nice clean haircut? you want him to shave?

maybe put on a suit? I agree with Taylor I'm really stuck I know who James Bond is he's been the same guy since before I was born maybe I don't know yeah slick swab british gentleman who's good at everything good like clean cut hair i'm sure this guy will be good well let's get let's get the haircut have they always been british the actors i mean

i believe so well right this scottish british i mean close enough but don't don't tell them that they would hate that okay so the Connery yeah because I I'd also be okay with any nationality as long as they could do the British accent because the reverse happens like where house gets hired that guy's British the goddamn British actors crush American accents I can't tell Tom Hardy's the same way he's um there's a lot of actors who are Australian as well and you just don't even they just turn it actors crush American accents. I can't tell. Tom Hardy's the same way. There's a lot of actors who are Australian as well, and you just don't even, they just turn it off. Kim Basinger.

No, not Kim Basinger. Nicole Kidman. That's what I mean. I always thought Mel Gibson was Australian, and he did grow up in Australia, but he's American by birth. I think he was born here and moved there when he was two and lived there until he was like 11 or 12, which he had to live there longer because he did Australian movies. Mad Max was in Australia.

He's got a little accent. Like a... If you watch Mad Max, he's full on Crocodile Dundee mode. Oh, really? Yeah. Was he putting that on or just talk like that then? I thought it was just his native natural accent that he had. I mean, you're going to sound like wherever

you lived in your formative years. If you lived in America... It's a movie made in Australia, starring Australians, so it only makes sense. The gasoline wars. I watched a Tom Hardy movie last night. It was The Drop. It was on

Amazon. It caught my eye because I guess it's James Gandolfini's last movie where uh basically a mob movie where they you know tom hardy's works at a bar that they use as a random drop spot for gambling cash every so often and it was it was all right it was pretty good i james gandolf, it's a shame he died because he was great.

Yeah, he wasn't in a ton of things. He's in True Romance. He's like an enforcer, hitman type guy. He beats the shit out of Patricia Arquette. I haven't seen that. I think it's written by Quentin Tarantino. It's a good movie. It's Patricia Arquette.

Is he thinner? Who? Tony Soprano? Yeah, not significantly thinner, but like season one Tony, Is he thinner? Who? Tony Soprano? Not significantly thinner, but like season one Tony, maybe around that time. That guy can't beat anyone up. Oh, come on. He's a big boy. You don't want to mess with Tony Soprano.

He's a big boy. True. He'd give you the gob of ghoul. Please, I think you walk backwards down the driveway while he chases you when he's at a cardio. Oh! What do you want to do to you? He's just trying to work as a garbage management consultant. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't suspend my disbelief that a really fat guy can be a great enforcer any more than a girl could. But he's got those big, beefy WAP hands. Perfect for punching. How big is he? You're really focused on the size. He's 6'1". Oh, 6'1". That's ginormous. You never see guys like that in the wild. 6'1"?

I take it all back. I didn't know he was 6'1". Alright, hang on. You got those big shirt on? Shaquille O'Neal over there. Was he ever not fat? It skipped to like a minute and 25 seconds in this. This is him from the movie.

I'm talking about it. Keep in mind, he's only got to scare a woman. He doesn't need to be a giant guy. He's roughing up Patricia Arquette, not fucking Muhammad Ali or something. This is the movie, Taylor, where they're torturing the guy. And to make them not torture him anymore, he makes them mad so they'll kill him. He's like, you're Sicilian, huh?

Yeah. You know, the Moors, they invaded Sicily. And they raped the Sicilian women. You know, where the Moors were, they were blacks. He goes down that whole line until he's calling the N-word. An eggplant. That's the movie. They're torturing him because they

want to know where she is. Gandolfini's roughing the lady up. I watch it. He sucker punches a 115-pound woman. I believe he could do that. Yeah, he loses that fight yeah to the girl yeah i think she ends up hitting him in the head with like the toilet lid or something like that you know that

that ceramic thing on the not ceramic porcelain thing on the very top the lid lid i think she clocks in with that at some point i hadn't seen the movie in 10 years but i'm not sure and then maybe she gets shocked i think she gets his gun he's six foot, but not the full six one. This guy is just so big. He's clearly Hollywood's hit man. All right, what about in the submarine movie with Denzel Washington and Gene Hackman? You ever seen that one? Nope. So here's the premise very quickly.

Basically, nuclear submarine gets the launch codes. They're like, launch. But then it gets cut off. And it's like, whoa, we didn't get confirmation. This is ICBMbms we're about to destroy a continent we need confirmation gene hackman's the captain he says launch anyway xo i need you to cosign turn the key denzel's the xo commander he's no we need confirmation but there's james gandolfini fucking in the background behind gene hackman he's like third in command or some

shit he's ready to whoop Denzel's ass and take over. And they do. They take the boat, and they're trying to launch the missiles. And Denzel's trying to rally the good members of the crew and not launch the missiles. It's a fun little abortive submarine action movie. Fun romp. Denzel Washington kicks Tony Soprano's ass.

He kicks everybody's ass. Denzel's a pretty tough customer himself. Yeah, well, good to remember they are all actors. They are probably not. That's right. None of them can fight. Some of them can. They can dance and sing, though. They were very little theater kids.

Not all of them. You made fun of them in high school until you learned they got more pussy than you did. That's the theater kid mantra. What actor do you not think you could beat up? Who's traditionally a... Oh, Tommy the Rock?

You know who I think might be tougher than gets credit for? Keanu Reeves often learns actual skills to do his roles, so he might fight well. Patrick Swayze. I could take him now, but not in his prime.

Yeah. Keanu knows jujitsu a bit. Patrick Swayze I could take him now but not in his prime yeah Gano knows Jiu Jitsu a bit you're talking about Patrick Stewart and I'm like that guy he's gonna put that Vulcan nerve pinch on you I could take Patrick Stewart I don't mean to flex but yeah

why are you beating me please I'm straight David Bautista and fucking Conor McGregor I guess is an actor yeah none of those sports stars turned actors but we want to do regular ones

yeah we want to talk about regular actors I feel like Danny Trejo is a pretty close like he was a criminal he's a fucking criminal like a scary guy and he just is scary i agree um i think they hired him to teach somebody to box on a movie one time that's kind of how he got into the end of the business oh i always thought um um is he i think steve i think he's about average about six feet flat steven seagal is an enormous human being

and is a piece of shit so i i think he would he would beat me to death if he wanted to in his prime uh probably i don't i think today i wouldn't want him on top of me i probably i might not know how to get him off me um he might kill me today he's so big and fat he's six four or something probably 320 pounds i don't know no i think cardio is so important that he'll lose everything. I wouldn't want to contend with Steven Seagal at any point. He's just a giant.

Really? Well, yeah. I legit think... Okay, I hate it when people hop on the microphone and act like they could beat him. I can climb Mount Everest. I know where you're coming from. Okay, thank you, thank you.

But I legit think I could beat up Steven Seagal and it wouldn't be hard. That that fat piece of shit would lose his balance in a heartbeat. That I swear, if I run 19 feet, he's winded. I don't think Steven Seagal has any fighting talent whatsoever. And his Aikido martial art is not real. It is filled with people who are willing participants. You tug on their wrist and they roll three rooms over.

Like, it is silly, silly. participants, pretty soon you'll be a dead man. I'm going to take you to the bank, Mr. Woodward. Please do. My God. Steven Seagal has nothing to offer. You think you could take Jesse to the body, Ventura? In his prime?

When he was in ABC. We can't pick old retired men either. I feel like that's cheating as well. Jesse Vettura in his prime is a lethal killing machine. He's a professional athlete. He's like 6'6", maybe? I think he's one of those really big fuckers. Jesse Vettura now?

I need to see him. My best ever against his best ever jesse kills me yeah jesse was enormous back in the day and i think he did a lot of steroids too that was never proven yeah i think i could beat up most of the like regular people actors like hugh grant come on fuck that bitch up I could think of an actor smaller than me who'd beat me Jackie Chan oh yeah well he's a he's got which Jackie Chan like what movie Rush Hour Jackie Chan all the ones where he's under 40 I don't know

I think he's I think that's why I say Rush Hour Jackie Chan you know how they age over there I that dude's like a hundred or so like the You know how they age over there. That dude's like 100 or something. He looks older now. I wouldn't want to fight the Jackie Chan who was in those Hong Kong movies getting beer bottles thrown at him and shit when he was jumping off buses. There's one where he gets ran over by a hovercraft.

One of those giant hovercrafts. I wonder if that's rough. Probably not, but it was a cool stunt to see. Yeah, yeah. You know, the stunt that so many people have done that's crazy is laying under a train. Oh, yeah. Who knows what the undercarriage might look like

and how it might be not so uniform. You're really betting on its state of repair. Yeah. Maybe there's a little rope hung underneath it, like some string, just enough string to snatch you and pull your arm up enough that something else grabs your arm and that jerks your arm off. Could be. It's a train. Everything about a train is built heavy and strong.

There are no plastic parts on a train. No. Well, there probably are, but not many. None that you're going to hit if you're under a train. No, that shit is all built to last I couldn't beat up a train no trains don't win every time I've seen videos those videos from India

those guys get fucked up I saw a guy get run over by an excavator today he was just walking down the street some old guy and an excavator just hit him in the back and crushed him why do you watch these things it just pops up on reddit I scroll and I watch what it gives me oh that's a good ending you guys want to call it a show yeah sure yeah i'm hungry i need today

i've been watching that puppy all day you know what before before we call it i have a shortest nah i have a short video i'll show you guys later it's just a dog you're gonna love it i was gonna love it pka 692 what'd you say