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PKN, episode 109.
Started curiously fast that time.
So the future of mankind almost changed a couple days ago.
On 9-11, if they hadn't grabbed Hillary Clinton by the shoulders as she went down,
because she was going down.
I was telling you guys earlier, between my panic attacks and my periodic starving myself, I faint a lot more than the average person.
I can definitely remember eight or ten occurrences of me fainting.
Like three or four offhand, I can remember.
And so I know exactly how it feels, like what you're experiencing.
And so when I see Hillary Clinton, like first, she gets this.
She's like, uh-oh, discombobulated. can't stand up straight, I'm a little wiggly.
Then her legs buckle.
Like, that's some sort of, like, ingrained genetic thing.
Your legs are just like, oh, go straight.
Maybe that'll get us upright because the brain's inner ear isn't working so great anymore.
It's not in control.
So it's just like, oh, straight, straight is best.
And then they buckle, and she gets really wobbly and then i know what's
going through her head as everything starts going gray from top down as the blood lose leaves her
eyeballs the van is safety the van is safety if i make it to the van everything will be okay
and she takes a step forward and the leg has nothing it can't support her weight and her head
is heading toward the ground
at about six and a half miles per hour
and it's either going to hit asphalt
or that step on the medical van.
One or the other.
But they catch her.
They grab her.
Oh, Miss Clinton.
They swarm around her.
They try to make it a little less embarrassing.
And then they toss her into the van
like she's a sack of potatoes,
just getting her in there as quick as possible.
And you know what another shocking thing for me is?
If I was walking next to a friend of mine and they started to pass out,
I'd be sincerely concerned.
Like, oh, fuck.
Like, Rich, Rich, are you okay?
Like, come on, we've got to get 911.
Anybody?
And no.
These people looked at repeat shithill is
down yep i win the bet that's 50 from you mike that's 50 and 20 from mcmasterson they they looked
at her like this was the third time she'd fainted that morning where they're like oh again okay as
they're carrying it in the whole clip starts with one of the ladies grabbing her arm she's standing
there like slumped.
Like, if you had told me, like, clip comes out,
Hillary Clinton seen drinking entire bottle of vodka
on the way to 9-11 memorial,
then stops, too drunk to continue.
That does look like a really wasted person,
but that's what it looked like,
her being propped up by some lady,
and then she takes a couple steps, aided,
and you know how when you're helping
somebody walk you're giving them like 20 effort to help them and then if they really collapse you
have to like whoa yeah so they drop that's exactly what happened they were like all right we're going
to give her 30 support she can kind of make it and then no just just i've been that person i've
been the person who who dropped and had a person on either side
supporting me. They grabbed my belt
on either side, like one hand on the belt,
one hand on my shoulder and my
shirt, and they hoisted me
up like a puppet because my legs
could still kick a little, so I'm like a little
marionette fucking being danced
out of the courtroom.
Yeah, that's
a shocking thing, and. Yeah, that was a shocking thing.
And so quickly, that whole narrative has been flipped on its head.
Like a couple weeks ago, it was, you're a conspiracy theorist for noticing that,
oh, just because someone likes to wear a different style of glasses,
that happened to be for seizure prevention.
Oh, now it's a big deal.
Oh, she happens to have a four-minute coughing fit where she can't continue.
She's allergic to Donald Trump
and it's fine. And now it comes out of
oh, well, I was actually diagnosed with pneumonia
on Friday.
Interesting. That was a really late diagnosis
so you're lying already. When'd you do that
on Friday? But I'm not
contagious anymore.
Just because a bunch of people on my staff have gotten
grievously ill and had to be hospitalized.
I'm not contagious.
I'm so not contagious that I'll come out of my daughter's apartment and hug a little girl
right after passing out from my illness.
Like, it is so convoluted and ridiculous at this point.
It's like, it's like House of Cards.
This is where Donald Trump needs to be loading up his zingers now for the debates.
He needs to be waiting for that question about, like, what would happen in the event of a terrorist attack?
Like, how would you handle it?
And Hillary does her thing.
She explains how hawkish she'll be, how she'll leave no stone unturned or whatever the fuck she's going to say.
And then I'll go to Trump and he'll just say, well, Hillary Clinton couldn't even handle a 9-11 anniversary, much less the next terrorist attack you know it's it's gonna be
great i want the debates to be now already responded better than he has for other shit
because finally he must have a whipping person behind him yeah like he was about to go off on
a wild trail they went no donald no you go out there and you tell them you hope she's okay and
that you are willing to sit down in the debates or you're willing to let her sit down in debates.
That's what you go say, Donald.
Go do that.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I haven't said a word on the podcast.
One, every time Trump behaves on Twitter now, I feel like he's someone's fucking lapdog right if trump isn't a complete dickwad douchebag because
we know he actually is right then we know someone is telling him that he's not allowed to be himself
and and he's a cuck right that's at least what goes through my head trump has been cucked when
he says oh i hope hillary is bad is okay and you know i i'm really deeply concerned for her he's playing the political
game now he is that was the critique he had ah he's cucked he's cucked he's cucked you know
the lines just keep coming back right like oh they took his twitter away that's somebody else tweeting
he's cucked because that's not who chump is number one critique of him for months has been he needs
someone to keep him in line and keep him on issue now that he has done that your position is that he is quote cucked and that somehow he's a
member of this weird alt-right milo group that is a minority of his supporters like it just shows
that you really just don't like trump so no no no you can't redefine my position you know i haven't
my number one criticism hasn't been that he's you know running off on the edge but i think it's
hilarious and and i think it's interesting that it was effective enough to win the primaries.
But, shit, I don't know.
Whenever I see him take the high road now,
I know that he's, I don't know, he's not being true to himself anymore.
He's trying to be presidential.
I think you're trying to define him.
I think he defined himself over the last year. No, he's defined himself as a wild card. You don't know what's going to be presidential. I think you're trying to define him. I think he defined himself over the last year.
No, he's defined himself as a wild card.
You don't know what's going to come out of him.
But look, when she stumbles and falls on 9-11,
there's got to be some part of even his brain that's like,
maybe I don't hit her while she's down.
She just fell on 9-11.
She literally just fell on 9-11.
Maybe I take the high road
and get bumped up
at least one more point in the national polls.
I bet he had a tweet.
You know how sometimes you'll have a tweet written out
and then you go,
oh no, no, no, that's ridiculous.
I bet he was sitting there and then
his aide came in and was like, Donald,
don't you, don't you,
give me the phone give me
your phone you're 13 like hillary you've only got one i know that for a fact give it here
you know do you remember when that reporter who had some sort of disability asked trump a question
and trump starts mocking him and going like this right right do you remember when rubio sweat too
much and trump starts throwing water around the stage and now hillary faints. And Hillary is like, you know what?
I really wish – I'm sorry.
Trump is like, you know what?
I wish the best for her.
I hope she's okay.
Look, I'm not defining Trump.
Trump is well-defined.
He's 70 years old now.
We know who this fucker is.
And he has been cucked.
I don't think this is the right arena yet.
Look, we're still 94, 95 away from from from the big day the debates
lie lay ahead of us i think he's waiting to start his attack plan i get look if we get to the debates
and and he could and he's not uh the same dirty scary old man that he has been the whole the whole
time through then i'll agree with you i'll say say, yeah, that's not Trump being Trump. And just to keep you informed, Kyle, do not show up to vote in December.
You definitely want to get in early and get that vote tally.
I've got 95 days, I'm sure of it. I read it on the internet.
Don't worry about me. I read it, I'm sure of it.
Yeah, he read it a month ago, though.
That was an old article.
I don't know.
I just...
Let me see.
He's a terrible candidate, but he's...
I'm convinced at this point he's the better option if for no other reason.
Like, I'm...
Man, Tim Kaine is the fucking winner of this entire thing because Hillary's going to win
the election. And die. Guaranteed. She's going to... She'll die. Yeah, Hillary's going to win the election.
And die. Guaranteed.
She's going to win the election
and she's going to be completely incapable
of leading the country because she is
very clearly grievously ill.
Not just like, oh, are you a little sick?
No, she can hardly handle her shit. You don't just
wear seizure-preventing glasses
as a fashion statement.
A couple things. things one 55 days
until the election two are they caesar preventing glasses because that today was part of the
conspiracy i okay so she's wearing that's a real thing she's wearing prism glasses i wear them
colin wears them and hope wears them none of us have seizure issues there's lots of reasons to
wear prism glasses and most commonly it's because your eyes don't look exactly the same way like
they're not lined up perfectly so the prism just sort of like you got one eye looking this way and
one eye looking straight the prism just deflects your sight straight so that you don't have to use
your muscles to like overcome that the whole time technically like if you want to get technical i'm
wearing uh prism glasses right now because you're looking through a prism that changes light
refraction and allows me to see.
If I don't look through the prism, I can't even see what box any of you are in.
If I go through like this, I can.
These are not going to help me with seizure prevention.
It's kind of like lumping all automobiles together.
Like, oh, well, you drive a car.
You drive a car.
They're all about the same.
Like, oh, you wear glasses.
These glasses are about the same.
They all have prisms, prisms, prisms, prisms, whatever.
No, there is a real thing of wearing certain glasses especially in that blue color
to prevent seizures you might be right the only thing is i think in my mind the prism thing was
confirmed the seizure thing was a leap like i and and that's where i'm not sure like i haven't heard
anyone rely i won't say a hundred percent but that is one thing that I Googled into and looked at it,
because when I saw people talking about it, I'm like,
this seems, I don't know, I want to make sure about this.
And I looked it up, and I found the actual lenses she was using,
and they're for seizure prevention.
It's called, like, a blue Z1 something lens.
Oh.
And, like, so the whole thing of her being really ill
and just lying to the people about it,
now it's been proven that she's lying about her health to people.
Jimmy Kimmel said it best.
He's like, these Clinton conspiracy theories would be easier to dismiss if they didn't keep coming up true.
Yeah, I mean, like, I just don't understand why Trump came out with his health records, which is funny.
So if you go to that link and then you scroll down below the video player,
and maybe you want to silence that video player because I think it's Fox News.
Just below that video player, there's an image of her.
That's what she looks like right now.
If you click it, it'll expand.
She looks like a prune.
She looks like one of the California raisins.
The Weeknd at Bernie jokes could not be more accurate.
Bernie looks more youthful than her.
Yeah, Bernie is sitting in a shrub right now,
watching and rubbing his hands together as she fell into the van.
Bernie's on his exercise bike.
Bernie looks spry the whole campaign.
I think I saw him come out there a couple times and run and clap a little bit. I was like, holy shit, he's kind of spry the whole campaign i think i saw him like come out there a couple times and run and you know clap a little bit i was like holy shit he's he's kind of spry there's so many people right now
being like ah shit bernie was the healthier candidate did you guys see cnn edit the footage
yes that's the frustration i've had too so i mentioned to my wife and i was like you know
i always rail on the right right wing for being the biggest whiny crybabies about this, like, you know, the press not treating them fairly.
And throughout my whole life, someone saying something's not fair means you're a fucking pussy, right?
Like, I don't want to hear about how you're not being treated fairly.
But Trump says it all the time and no one thinks I'm a pussy.
CNN edited the footage.
People haven't seen it. Basically basically she's leaning against something and she
does like a small little knee bend and then it's not until she walks to the van that she really
kind of collapses and cnn cut out the walk to the van part making it look like it was a small
stumble did you see this too kyle or are you just hearing no i didn't i'm just hearing about this
and that's terrible yeah anderson fucking cooper sits there and looks at you solemnly as the clip plays
and then pretends that that's the full clip, and he just lies to your face about it.
Talk to my wife about it.
I'm also enjoying it.
I hope that Jimmy Kimmel comes out and says,
hey, you know, it'd be way easier to dismiss these right-wing people getting mad about bias in media
if it stopped coming up true.
So there's a long history of doing this for
presidential candidates and presidents and the best example that my wife came up with was when
george h bush the dad um vomited on the prime minister of tokyo right so you know yeah i i'm
sorry japan and uh so they showed him and he was like uh he was i think it was in tokyo anyway he like
they showed him like getting sick a little bit or something and they cut off the footage there
it wasn't until a long time later that they saw he just like power vomited on this other world
leader and all the news organizations seemed to edit it and cut it out and not show really the fact that America puked all over Japan.
Again.
And only recently have we got the uncovered audio where we can hear him clearly saying,
this is for Pearl Harbor, you son of a bitch.
Right?
So anyway, like, and I think everybody knows, but, you know, George Bush, the first one and the second one,
they're Republicans.
So I'm like, all right, you know, maybe in cases like this, they cover for presidents.
I don't know what to make of it.
But it's certainly you can see it going both ways where they don't show illness or something.
Were there any times when the second Bush was in office where he did any he could like step on a caterpillar and there'd be a report about, you know, George W.
Bush, buggist, you know, that happened to Clinton.
Who are we to judge? Like they railed on him so hard.
Everybody was totally fine being a preacher.
He's the worst. He's the worst.
And then not equivocating him exactly with Obama.
But then looking at the level of critique that comes from the media towards obama versus the level of critique that came from the media msnbc cnn
even fox versus uh bush it's not even close i think it is i remember a critique of obama i
think it was on a 9-11 a while back or something and he was walking from the helicopter to the
white house looking kind of happy or something and And they're like, oh, my God.
Can you believe he smiled on his walk on this?
Has he forgotten 9-1-1?
He was walking from the helicopter to the house.
He wasn't solemn enough?
He wasn't solemn enough.
Also, what about the fact that he got no flack whatsoever?
It was a news cycle for weeks when Bush didn't show up in New Orleans for the hurricane.
Obama doesn't show up.
He's literally golfing.
He's on a golf vacation.
He took a ton of shit for that.
And any fucking –
Kanye hasn't said anything.
Really?
Kanye has been silent on the whole matter.
He has.
Kanye has been silent on the whole matter.
He has.
No, in my, like, personal universe,
it's all how Trump went there juxtaposed to the fact that Obama didn't.
So...
I just...
I don't know.
I don't like...
It can't be 100% even.
Like, it just...
Go out online to any news source
that's not Fox News,
and, you know,
if you post a source from Fox News trying to convince someone,
they'll be like, you fucking idiot.
Why would you post that?
Which is why I don't link people to Fox News because I don't –
Huffington Post as well, right, and MSNBC.
And at the same time, MSNBC, not the TV station,
their websites to see what they're all covering differently.
But it's not at all weird to get from someone on the left a link to Vox
or Salon or something like that and
them using that as a real credible source when it's just it's not i don't know there's this like
feeling of trying to make everything like oh both sides are shitty and they both get treated bad
equally but it's just i don't think it's true you know what i do but i just don't feel that way if
i find it on fox or salon or huff Post, I just look for the same thing elsewhere.
Like, all right, did Reuters or like AP News or someone who's not typically railed against as being biased except for the tinfoil hat guys.
Breitbart.
Breitbart totally fucking tanked for Trump to the point that they just – they're just making shit up now.
They are the Vox slash Salon of the right at this point, where no matter what Trump does, he's blameless.
No matter what any Democrat does, they are Satan incarnate.
It's so frustrating.
And then what bothered me was Hillary trying to insinuate that everybody that is even on Trump's side out of a lesser of two evils scenario is somehow implicated in this alt-right
group of assholes
who just like irritating people.
What she actually said was that half of his supporters
are deplorable.
And I wonder how much that's
going to hurt her. I didn't realize how terrible it was.
Like, okay, in my
feelings, I'm not hurt at all.
But it's really getting somewhere.
Like this has legs.
It's almost like the fainting thing can work to her advantage if it changes the deplorable story.
Because that deplorable story was kicking her ass.
And now it's not as present anymore, oddly enough.
Can you imagine if Trump called half of Hillary supporters deplorable?
Do you think that would have faded away by now?
It might have if he faded the next day. I mean you i mean like oh what was the thing i forget okay they can't vote anyway i forget the story how it
went but i i think it might have been schwarzenegger anthony wiener and uh like the the schwarzenegger
was the main story everyone was talking about him fucking his maid and having this illegitimate kid. And then Wiener comes along and bumps him off the news.
Three times now he's done it.
Three times he's gotten his dick out in public.
What is Wiener?
Like, it just happened again.
Yeah, I know.
And by again, I mean, no, no, no, again, again.
Like, three times now.
Like a week ago, right?
His PR guy must have committed suicide long ago.
No way!
He's catching checks, right?
He's catching checks from the Clinton Foundation, baby.
That's a real conspiracy theory that I don't think is true right now,
but it could be another one that just comes out.
Because obviously Anthony Weiner was married to Huma Abedin.
Huma Abedin and Hillary are very close.
Right after Anthony Weiner got in trouble the most recent time
was right after another Hillary health issue thing like that.
And, of course, the next day, I bet Huma went over to Anthony and was like,
Hey, one of those dick pics that I kept on Hillary's private server, it's going out.
Oh, please, Huma. No, I can't do it again.
People are just starting to forget i'm sorry i'm sorry
and if you come out i'm just gonna i'll divorce you actually i'm gonna do it anyway it's a good
power play you know that that is one that i think is a true blue conspiracy but it like doesn't the
connection make sense a little bit i hear you i i don't wiener man i liked him i liked him before
before the first dick pic he was for Obamacare.
And he was like the guy who was really out in front and explaining it.
And I felt like he made his point so eloquently and really drove it home.
And I guess I was on Team Obamacare and still am to some extent.
I think overall it's a plus.
People disagree, but okay.
And one of the things he said that was really powerful to me was the lack of the Republican plan.
He's like, look, you're either for Obamacare, what we have
here, or you're for not Obamacare, which is people.
Oh, the old Woody rule.
You have to be for something, not just against something.
That's how Weiner got him.
That's how he got me, because this is what he said.
He's like, look, if you're not for Obamacare, then you're for people going to the emergency room for a flu.
Then you're for people going to the ER for colds and people going to the ER because they're sick or depressed.
Isn't that literally a straw man, which you hate a lot, is that he's foisting other people's positions up for them?
other people's positions up for them if you don't agree with me then you're totally fine for suzy q 86 year old to have to go to the hospital and pay a million dollars for her flu vaccine are you okay
with that no piece of shit are you gonna say that you're not in favor of my plan now it's not
no because if the republicans had a plan that wasn't just no if the republicans had a counter
plan then yeah then you're right that would be straw man. He'd be picking a different argument.
But the Republican argument was to stick with the current plan.
Which I was just describing.
People go to the hospital for the flu, and people who can't afford care,
they just let it go bad, and they go to the ER, and they get it taken care of,
and then they can't pay.
That's what happens without health insurance.
You just go to the ER and get taken care of and then you don't pay.
So Wiener would go out there and he would lay it out there.
I like Obamacare.
Yeah, he's laid it out there three times.
It's impressive.
He works out.
The thing about Obamacare, I wish that they would define it as like a law surrounding personal responsibility, right?
People are like, I don't think I should have to buy health insurance.
I think that it's wrong.
Well, okay.
The thing is, you're getting healthcare, right?
In America, people don't just deny you healthcare.
You break your arm, you show up at the ER, they fix it.
So really what you're saying by,
I shouldn't have to buy health insurance is,
you know, I should get emergency care for free,
you know, because fuck everybody.
No, what we're saying is they should turn people away
who don't have their card on them at every moment of every day no matter what.
I hear you, but no one's actually for that.
Very few people.
No one argues for that position.
Well, we'll all get our tattoos and a microchip too
because then some poor soul gets his arm blown off,
and he's like, no, no, I'm covered.
I've got the premium plan.
They're like, where's your tattoo? And he doesn't have the arm with him. He's like, bring the'm covered i've got the premium plan they're like where's your tattoo and he doesn't have the arm he's like bring the arm bring the arm my chips
in there yeah it's in like my the problem i have with it isn't like the the problem with people
like wiener arguing that is he's making an ought argument for how the world ought to be don't you
feel that it should be easier this way for people don Don't you feel this is how it should be?
But all of the evidence that actually is coming out now, like all the polls, it was an AP poll just the other day about people now.
More people are saying, yeah, my health insurance has been hurt through Obamacare than helped.
And I've gone through this, like looking for insurance in the past couple years where it is worse.
It doesn't cover fucking anything.
The deductibles are ludicrous ludicrous some have like five thousand dollar deductibles if you want to go
to the doctor if you want to go to the fucking dentist like it's crazy how expensive and
non-effectual but what they do is they say okay so here you all have insurance now and what we're
going to do is just make it prohibitively difficult for you to use that insurance so you have it you
have that insurance but you know if you do want to use that insurance. So you have it. You have that insurance.
But if you do want to use that insurance, you've got to pony up the first 5K.
Well, I don't have 5K.
I didn't have 5K before.
I still, I sure as fuck don't have it now.
All you've done is given them a little useless card that says you're insured.
That's what major medical is, right?
And you probably know this because you know things.
But major medical medical they handle the
the big problems when you get cancer when you break an arm etc and it costs you five grand
if you get a cold that's not what major medical is and it's not just that it's large co-pays
and deductibles for run-of-the-mill shit to go uh One of the plans I was looking at a couple years ago,
it was basically like, okay, I have to buy this lowest plan because I'm a young guy.
I'm not going to have a ton of health problems,
but I'm required to buy this lowest plan,
which is more expensive than my prior health care was.
I'm not going to get any more use out of it.
If anything, I get less use because my co-pay is more.
So what am I doing here?
I'm paying more to not get any additional service. I'm paying a worse price for worse service.
I think there are definitely going to be individuals who have a worse situation now than they had before, but overall it seems like a good idea and it's and there's only two systems that will that can eventually work and
and you know be good for our society one of them is the microchip system which i am probably for
we all get a microchip when we pay in if you don't have your mic sure sure i would i would get one in
each hand or in each arm or something like that if you can't fucking scan in when you get to the
hospital they don't treat you for major medical shit if you don't have cash on hand they just let
you die in the street there's that system or there's a system where every fucking body pays
in no matter what or we do something real bad to you and you just got one insurer and and it needs
to and it needs to be government controlled because the free market's just not good it
there's no better way to keep a service cheap, affordable, and competitive
than to take away all the competition and put the government in charge.
I mean, it's been shown throughout history that when you let one company set the price
and the government says, fuck it, it's not our money anyway, throw it out.
You have to have a hybrid system.
You have to have something with government overreach, government overwatch,
but you also have to have some...
It can't be government controlled.
The DMV doesn't work. None of those systems work.
My issue is that there are a few
things where capitalism doesn't
work, and healthcare is one of them.
You need a hybrid.
Yeah, and the system
we have now, you don't even know what things
cost. It's awful. I absolutely
hate that. They just
treat you, and then afterwards you're
like holy shit that tylenol was 700 for a tylenol have you ever said you ever had to pay like true
capitalism in a lot of those areas i feel like we're almost in like a corporatist world where
it's like the government already has their favorite people they're gonna back and they're
gonna help and those big companies in return are going to do whatever the government wants. Maybe that's it.
Have you ever asked, like during an emergency medical trip, like itemized,
have you ever asked, well, how much does that cost?
Because sometimes they give you options.
I've never asked.
The last major medical thing we did was my son's foot with that ax injury.
Oh, so that's sort of a spare no expense kind of thing.
You're like John Hammond at Jurassic Park.
Okay, okay.
You're right.
It is spare no expense. And I have so like john hampton okay okay you're right it is
spare no expense and i have so much guilt on the fact that it like happened on my watch and stuff
but i i will say this they opened a suture kit right and a suture kit has like uh like a a
fishing hook shaped needle some some uh obviously the sutures itself this the the fabric and then
it has other things like a syringe and stuff so that you can squirt it with saline and sort of clean it out.
And as he's like cracking open the label, I'm like, I bet that thing was $1,000.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I bet that like – oh, yeah, I see.
He's touching the open wound with gauze.
$100.
That's a $100 piece of gauze a hundred dollars that's a hundred dollar piece of gauze that's like the biggest argument against single payer is that those doctors are going to be able to bill uh
the single payer for whatever they want they'll go all right uh we needed four dixie cups to give
this person some jello uh these aren't regular dixie cups these are professional medical dixie
cups these are 40 a piece so we're going to bill for this we're also going to bill for the saline
we use we're going to bill for all this nonsense and there's going to be so
much of it so much bureaucracy to seep through that there's no way even a ton of uh auditing
internal uh agencies are going to be able to stop all that it's just a way to hemorrhage money
i hear what you're saying i don't know i don't know what it's just there's like no good solution
because the like the the health care, the health insurance system we have now, like the bill and the customer are so separated.
You know, I pay every month.
In my case, I think I pay like two grand a month for my family's health insurance.
And, you know, when – so when Colin's like whatever $12,000 foot problem rolls in, I don't really feel it.
I don't really feel that there was a $1, dollar piece of gauze in there because we're separated and you know that's why i think
major medical is sometimes pretty cool like you know you do anesthetic is extra i don't know
yeah some people don't want a lot of procedures there you go yeah scott said we took scott to
the er and first of all let me just say like like i was like
scott you know we could stitch you up ourselves i was like if you'll let me do this i'll do a good
job at it and you know uh i'll give you five hundred dollars i won't bill you for the fishing
wire yeah exactly i told him you know i won't bill you for the fishing wire so and he was like no
absolutely fucking not and we're already on the way to the ER like this is just me offering
as we go to the ER like hey
I'll slip you $500
I'll stitch that motherfucker up
you'll be good as new I guarantee it
or I'll give you $1000 on top of it
if you get infected
or your money back
I said that I was like $500
no matter what
it's $1500 if there are any complications and I'll pay for the doctor bills afterwards.
He's like, hell no.
Good call, Scott.
So we get to the ER, and he's bleeding right there in the ER, but we're sitting there waiting.
His shin, right?
Yeah, his shin.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a cut.
I think it was five or eight stitches.
I don't remember which, but five is more likely. It wasn't huge.
That's not a lot.
That's not a lot.
No, I know it's not, but he is bleeding in their waiting room.
And exactly, this is why I wanted to stitch it up myself.
I was like, I got this. No problem. It's five, six stitches.
If you need five stitches, you don't need stitches.
Yeah, a little bit of tape behind, some Neosporin.
It was deep.
Now, that's the other thing.
Like, it was kind of splayed open, and you could look down in there,
and it looked like that first cut at a rare steak.
Like, you could see some flesh down in there.
Don't like that.
It went deep.
You know, a piece of a refrigerator hit him going real fast,
and the corner went in deep.
It's going to make a big deal every time he's hit by an exploding refrigerator.
Then maybe he
can't be our friend when some you look dumb right so so i but i was serious i wanted to stitch a
thing up he would not allow me to do it and i was even thinking in my head i was thinking like
two stitches and super glue and you'll never even know this happened this will be good to go
you know get anesthetic
and uh get some um antiseptic in there clean everything out and you know stitch and superglue
and you'll be good to go no so we get to the er get back there and uh i kind of made it known to
the doctor that i'm i'm putting the bill here you know so just to keep that in mind you know if
there's like some uh you know like a junior assistant who could come up and maybe he
works for like half time or like an you know like like three quarters pay or something maybe
maybe something like that and you know cut any corners you can and so i said that and so he's
got the anesthetic and he's he's like i'm like how much is that anesthetic? He's like, oh, I'm not really even sure. And the nurse is like, oh, it's expensive.
I was like, how expensive?
Like $80 expensive?
She's like, oh, no, honey.
I was like, $350 to $500 expensive?
She's like, you're getting there.
And I'm like, he doesn't need that.
I was like, well, he's like, well, I've already got this one out.
I was going to use two, though.
I was like, well, how about, what if you just squirted it in the wound and just left it at that?
He's like, well, I guess we could do that.
I'm like, why is he listening to me right now?
And he's squirting it in the wound, which to me makes sense.
I'm like, yeah, that'll do it.
And I was like, yeah, you got plenty there.
Yeah, give them.
And he was going to two two like doses or whatever but he got by with one and when that bill came
the first bill was fourteen hundred dollars and uh i thought that was pretty stout you know he
comes i do not want my medical professionals working under the the customer is always right
yeah you know like i want you to handle my
my wound this way i want them to say well see you're wrong because this only will work intravenously
so i can't just spray it on the wound or it won't work i'll go ah thank you that's why you went to
medical school i had the experience kyle's talking about i i cut my shin it was was deep. It was bad. I went to the doctor.
It was in West Virginia.
They gave me this cut rate
intern bullshit who sucked
at medicine.
He was so fucking slow.
They gave me anesthetic,
but it wore off midway through.
Midway through. He's giving me stitches.
In the first couple, I'm like,
can you feel that? I'm like, well, I can feel the pressure, but it doesn't really hurt.
By the end, I'm like, oh, how many more?
How many more?
And they're like, this is the last one.
I'm like, all right.
Like, bite down.
Yeah, I have been on the receiving side of the kind of medicine he wanted for his friend.
Not good.
No, it sucked.
And the last part, the stitches were so loose, they effectively weren't stitches.
They were just, like, scar decoration.
And it sucked.
Yeah, that's funny.
Well, the first bill was $1,400.
Yeah, that's the last thing.
Well, the first bill was $1,400, and then, I don't know, another, like, paltry $400 to $800 more on top of it came later for, like, I don't know, they found some more stuff to charge us with after the fact.
I guess we bled on a carpet.
I don't remember.
But, you know, it came to, like, two grand to patch up his little knee injury.
So I still maintain that we should have taken care of that ourselves. My dad has sutured up many a wound on his own i've seen it done although when when he hurts himself it's
super glue or or like doing it himself i don't think i've ever seen him go to the doctor except
for like major surgeries but when his dogs get hurt he really needs to get this like over like
like a bigger dog insurance plan that covers
the whole pack and that would like you know you get fleet insurance for your cars he needs a pack
insurance for his dogs because like all of them have these big scars on them they look like they're
all wrappers or something they've got they've got big gaping scars when you can see they've been
sutured up and stuff,
and lots of them have shaved patches from their latest operation.
I don't know if I want to be your dad's dog.
It's a rough life.
There's top-flight health insurance, but you get hurt.
How are they getting cut up so bad?
All right, so it's all kinds of things.
So one dog got locked inside of a building,
and all there was to get out was a spinning fan so he tried to
jump through it and it like cut his nose and like broke his snout to the side like almost 90 degrees
uh and it cut off one of his legs so we got the whole leg taken off to the shoulder got that got
him a whole nose job um got you know new snout fixed all up good. It was very expensive. And, uh, this was just a mutt and, uh, got him going again, whole leg healed up, got
ran over in the road.
They all get hit by cars.
They, they, um, they, they get by cars, they get in fights with one another.
They get in fights with other dogs.
Um, they, that, that's it.
They're, they're always fighting each other or, um, getting attacked by.
Does he have like a kennel to keep them separate from one another?
Oh, no. No.
Look, it's not a dog spa that he has there.
It's more of a dog refuge, okay?
There's just all these dogs being put out to...
These are Syrian dogs.
You know, he feeds them, he takes care of medical expenses,
and he spays and neuters.
And that's about it.
But he can't be, he doesn't keep them in a kennel. Are these dogs, like, well-trained, or are these just dogs that kind of hang out?
Oh, well, you know, they just kind of hang out.
They sit and stay and attack, you know.
This is very, I was always picturing you talking about your dad's dogs the way my grandpa has, like, his hunting dogs,
where he has, like, a big, like, a really big dog kennel with divisions in it like by one of the barns and
it's every dog there and then when he calls him out it's like panty here and like it's immediate
and then he'll tell her to just do shit and she just does it like she like they approach all
humans like like they are serfs you know just there to serve they like all humans like they are serfs, you know, just there to serve.
They, like, get down before they come to you, and then they crawl up and, like, put their head by your face.
Like, they're so fucking well-trained that they would never get in a fight.
Like, all it takes for them when they start scrapping is my grandpa to, like, whistle or snap,
and they just get a look of, like, oh, we know what happens when we ignore that snap.
It's not so much that they fight themselves,
although that's only really happened once,
and that went terribly.
But it's more often that some sort of farming accident takes them.
They run under a tractor,
or they just run out onto the road and get hit by a car,
or they run under an ATV or something like that repeatedly.
Some of them are just stupid dogs.
And we didn't come out of it.
I got stampeded by the cattle
one year where
I guess one of the dogs in the back
of the herd was really
rambunctious
that day and really got them moving
and the dog in the front just wasn't
feeling it. He just kind of phoned it in
and got
uh got trampled and died shit yeah uh one of the sheep dogs uh got in the habit of circling his
moving truck in fields tripped in the front of a truck in a ditch and got ran over unfortunately
um yeah dogs on farms really do have kind of a shit shit life there's a lot of stuff to eat. Well, they're working dogs.
It's real life.
It's a life that they can appreciate.
That dog could have lived in a house and never done shit.
Your dad's dogs don't work.
They've got company jobs.
They keep them company.
No, no, no.
See, all right, look.
You've got to look at this from the dog's point of view.
Just because they're not running around herding sheep up and putting them in a kennel doesn't mean that they don't all have jobs first of all they're all bodyguards they're looking out for dad when they
see a car coming they're like hey they're coming they're coming they're coming i'm still not
convinced they're working dogs carry on what else they're not working dogs but they've convinced
themselves that they're working dogs so they are de facto working dogs they're getting the same
benefit emotionally as dogs.
Aside from barking across and passing cars, what else do they do?
What other services do they provide?
They do chase cows, and I think that they think that that's part of their job.
In a particular area or order?
Because if a dog doesn't know how to circle up the cattle, it's kind of counterintuitive.
Yeah, it's just of counterintuitive.
Yeah, this is not helping at all.
You want to see one cow that it likes and try and chase it off.
They make sure the cows stay scattered.
But mostly, no.
I guess they're not really working dogs per se. I wanted to talk about this text message that I got today from Jeremy.
I already sent it to Taylor because it's so sad.
It's just sad.
Alright?
So Josh is, I think,
19 or 20 years old, something like that.
He's got like a
41-year-old girlfriend.
He's the guy who got her pregnant
a couple of times, and then
when he miscarried, which
42-year-old pregnant Caesar. I have a question. So you said it's a Jeremy text, but we're talking about like a couple of times and then right when when miscarry which 42 year old pregnancies are i have
a question so you said it's a jeremy text but we're talking about josh i said josh it's josh text
okay um so uh he's he's got the 40 year old girlfriend or 41 or two or something like that
he lives at home with his parents um and right now for money he's like cutting
my grass and i don't know what else um but i haven't seen him in like two weeks or something
and the grass is getting tall and i was wondering what was going on he sends this and it's just
it's a i don't know it's a huge block of text there's no oh god i'm calling him shit
what's that um i want to read his crazy long text message, though.
Okay. Hey, Kyle. This is Josh, man. I'm very sorry. I haven't contacted you.
Last Tuesday morning, my girlfriend's mom passed away, and then that was a bad week.
bad week and friday morning on the way to the it's funeral but he spelled it fun rail uh on the way to the funeral this is terrible a car ran a stop sign and t-boned us and we had to go to the
hospital my girl broke her arm in three places but that's why I haven't come cut the grass, man.
I really need prayers and some work if you got it next week.
I will call you tomorrow or something and talk to you about some work
if you got some stuff I can do to help for a week or two.
I need it bad.
And she had to have surgery on her arm Thursday.
That sucks. and she had to have surgery on her arm thursday that sucks that's so that's so rough today well dirty them back up like three hours i'm up there i had to put a climbing harness on my house
is steep on one end just manufacture uh stuff to do that you would
never do like what is it that you hate doing or other than mowing the lawn i guess like what
around your what's the task i can't trust him around my house i don't like him seeing my weapons
and like i keep cash out places and like i'd have to go i'd literally have to go around my house and
like like like make it Josh-proof
before I can have him come over here
and help me move furniture.
It's annoying to even have him in my house.
I have an idea.
I don't know if it's a great idea, but what if
you put him on a scavenger hunt to make
a video? If you said, look,
here's what I want from you. Go to Craigslist,
find 15 toilets, 6 TVs,
and a statue.
Is that something he could manage?
I know the exact list and whatever the specifics,
but you know...
I understand what you're getting at here.
That's not a bad suggestion.
I was only...
That makes sense.
Yeah, I'll suggest that to him, but I'm going to tell you,
this guy is so fucking unreliable, it makes me want to pull my hair out.
When it's time to cut my grass,
which is one of the few things he does for me lately,
he's three weeks late.
That's a grass cut and a half. He's missed.
Exactly. The last time he cut my grass
it was this tall it was embarrassing someone came and they were like what's going on with your grass
man like like why don't you cut it or like i was still got a weirdo one of those weirdos who don't
cut their grass because of some religious reason or something i was like my yard guy hasn't shown
up in a month and a half i don't fucking know he keeps saying he's gonna come and then does it and he literally will here's these are let me go back
i'll show you exactly like like he'll be like yeah i'm coming tomorrow man um i'll see you tomorrow
um um let's see i'm very sorry you're gonna do your yard in your house and your factory and i
moved this stuff in your basement too okay me, me and my girlfriend's had some problems.
This was a couple weeks ago.
I say, okay, I'll see you tomorrow, the next day.
And then that night at 2.
So at 8 p.m., he's telling me, hey, man, things have been rough,
but I'm going to be there tomorrow, and all that stuff you need doing,
I'll be there to do it early.
And I say, okay, see you tomorrow.
2 a.m. that same night, Monday, sorry. He puts it up another tomorrow. 2 a.m. that same night.
Monday.
Sorry.
He puts it up another day at 2 a.m.
At 2 a.m.
I've already went to bed early, so I'll be up with him.
He's woken me up at 2 a.m. And I'm like, what is this?
Oh, Josh.
Oh, he wants to know what time to come.
Let me see.
Monday.
Sorry.
What the fuck?
Monday comes around. Oh hey yeah yeah hey kyle
do you want all and i'm just summing up here i'm summarizing hey kyle do you want all that stuff
done tomorrow man all the stuff and i was like i thought you were coming today no no i can't make
it today but but you want this and he enumerates all the things again that he's going to do for me and i'm like but when are you coming no reply thursday hey kyle does the grass need to
be cut again if so i'm like yes of course i've been waiting for a month and a half and then he
came and cut it and then then today's message and like it's what does he use to cut it oh he just
used a regular lawnmower and his little brother no no no he's got a riding lawnmower like it's what does he use to cut it oh he just uses a regular lawnmower and his little
brother and no no no he's got a riding lawnmower but it's it's it's whatever the base model of
riding lawnmower i used to have a guy that i'd pay 75 a week a week and he would come with like
uh two zero turns and three people total including himself you know a weed eater guy who would trim
everything up and and they would be in and out in, I don't know,
45 minutes, an hour and a half tops.
Instead, I'd rather pay this guy 75 bucks a blue moon, I guess.
Cheaper, you're saving money.
Yeah, I was just wondering, because if you push a mower,
you get punished for not mowing.'m an expert in this field like i i would mow like every three weeks but i had a push mower and it's like oh my god the grass is so tall and green right here
sucks yeah it's like uh doing a push mower is just like dishes where if you just keep on top
of it every day it's just not too bad
but then there's a critical mass of like where so many dishes accumulate that the very prospect of
beginning it makes you put it off even more time and accumulate more shit and so then when you
finally do go mow the grass you just get raw itchy legs and dude twice twice i called professional
landscapers and said hey man look man, look, I'm an apex.
I got like a quarter acre.
It's not a big yard or anything.
Hasn't been mowed in a month, and I'm in a jam.
I totally don't want to mow this.
The grass, I'm not going to lie to you, bro.
The grass is knee high, maybe thigh.
But you guys have the equipment and the staff.
And I'm talking to the owner here, right?
He's not pushing a mower.
He doesn't give a fuck.
I'm like, how much will it cost for you to just tame this yard again so I can take over from there?
He's like, you want me to come out and mow your yard once?
Like, you don't want me to be your landscape, but you just want.
I'm like, that's right.
One time.
What's it cost?
You know, like $75 for a quarter acre.
That's a lot.
And, like, I'll take it.
Just fucking do it for me.
Yeah.
I'm in a jam, bro.
Yeah.
That's exactly why Josh is so good because $75 gets a lot of stuff done.
Like, it takes a long time for him to get stuff done.
But I've sent him into some
chest high like thick stuff that needed he was like uh this lawnmower won't cut that cow i'm
like that's what the matic is for he's like what's a matic i'm like you know i don't know how to
spell matic but it's basically this and a matic is some folks call it a sling blade but i call it a sling blade, but I call it a matic. It basically... It's a handle, like an axe handle.
On the end, it's got a hooked blade.
But it's more like a...
I don't know, it's a hooked blade you swing to chop down brush and stuff.
And so, yeah, I could put them to work with one of those if I need to.
Those are one of those tools that, like, on my grandparents' farm when I was little,
it was, like, the kind of thing you'd see hanging up, like a big scythe.
And in your head when you're, like, 12, you're like, that is so badass.
Like, that would be so cool to go out there and whoo!
And then you just imagine, like, you're a samurai in a movie.
All the grass just goes shing!
And, like, falls straight away and falls down.
And, like like you're
just taking huge swaths of land out with each swing and then we got like what's that he's like
well take it on over there and see if he can take that patch out and it's like all right and you go
over and you can get one swing in and you realize oh oh this didn't even get through like the first
six inches of giant briar bush that i'm trying to hack through and very quickly
that illusion is shattered and you realize that's not how cutting foliage works americans see
machete and they think like horror movie like amazing assault weapon zombie apocalypse shit
i went to the dominican republic they see mach, they think just fucking yard work. You know, awful, terrible yard work.
They think, not enough rubber from you.
Chop, chop.
That's what they think.
That's what they think, yeah.
Give me your daughter.
Dude, so Kyle, we have different views on the weather.
Dude, all right, all right.
So I've been spending more time outside lately
it's another one of the benefits of this house like i get out and i do things and it makes me
happy it has been so hot so hot like all summer long that i'm like anxiously awaiting a break in
the weather i'm like like collapsing over the finish line in in my tolerance for this god-awful heat and i'm getting pissed
off and i picture myself as homer simpson's dad like old man gets angry at the weather yells at
clouds yeah that's it that's what i was going for that's yeah that's me right now so um i went
camping this past weekend and i went up to virginia so north of me where it should be cooler it was on the like
Virginia near the south end has this like coastal thing where like the the beach and the bay are
like a mile apart so I'm on there there should be like cool ocean breezes going across me it was 96
out 96 blazingly summer at night when I'm trying to sleep trying to sleep in my tent and it's like
oh 80 in the tent it's like i'm laying in bed waking up every 30 minutes in my tent eventually
it's 3 a.m and i'm like fuck this i go to my truck i turn on the air conditioning and i sleep in there because fuck this oh my why is it 96 on september 10th in
virginia that's bullshit weather like even i want to go outside here's what i here's my requirement
i would like to be able to walk to my mailbox and not break a sweat right if i'm sweaty if i come
in can't do this i i can. I can't even drive to the mailbox
without breaking a sweat.
That's what I do. That happened today.
I got in my car. I drove to the
mailbox. I checked the mail.
I got back home and I was like,
I just got out of the shower and I'm
sweaty again. I went from shower
to sweaty in 10 minutes
flat. I would like it to be 78
at some point during the day at which humans
are outside right not the crack of dawn right i don't want a 6 a.m 78 that's you know that's
bullshit i want 78 degrees at like 10 or 11 a.m like that i think would be really nice i think
we're on the same page with the weather then because what i saw today was that the leaves
are changing it felt a little bit cooler today there was a bit of a breeze and i bet if i go outside now it's not that it's the
same way it's cooling off it's feeling nice outside over my window last night and uh it felt pretty
nice out there so i i think it's we're you know we're trending toward the winter months and i'm
not an open window weather here yet but it was oh i was just opening it for a moment i was just you know looking around
and then i'm i'm irrationally upset about the weather though like i'm i'm just like
like i don't in my head i'm not like i'm running around kicking things or but i'm like fuck are
you fucking serious what is this september 13th right now and it's 90 something this is not
supposed to be 90 something and all summer not
just the summer highs right like all of july and august seem to have highs are in the mid to upper
90s the highs suck but when the low is like 82 or some bullshit like that that's just as big a
problem like it's never cool i just would like to be cool i i don't ever like think of september as fall time because it
always stays so hot and uncomfortable for at least the first part of september but i don't know i
always think of october and november as like real true fall when it gets really like all the colors
are actually changing it's more comfortable i don't know yeah it's been a really shit hot summer
and it's so humid in every area that we all live
that even if you walk to take your garbage out or something
and it's only like 20, 30 feet yards away from you,
you get sticky and sweaty just stepping outside
because immediately all that moisture in the air just wicks to you
and you're just uncomfortable.
What am I going to have Josh do?
I've got to come up with something for this fucker to do.
I like Woody's idea. I'm going to try that.
But I'm only going to do it because I want him to succeed,
not because I believe he truly will succeed at the job.
This will sound a little mean, but man, when you send him to do a thing
without telling him every step along the way how to do it, he really falters.
So if you send him,
hey, go get me toilets.
I use the ReStore in Athens, Georgia,
the one near the mall.
And that should get it done, right?
That's good enough, right?
Yeah, there can't be that many of those stores near the mall.
There's two of them in Athens.
Both of them sell toilets.
I go to the one by the mall.
They know me there.
Ask for Big Mike. He's the old black
guy.
He'll mess that up, though.
I'm telling you, Jeremy was a smarter version.
I asked for the old black guy, and they just got
upset.
First, I
walked in, asked for the old nigger,
and they kicked me right the hell out.
I don't know what happened.
I looked up the raleigh normal
temperature sorry to change it dude high of 81 normal september high is 81 in raleigh
81 and we haven't had a high that low yet well what's normal you know yeah what's not uh
i'm split on the weather. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm completely in favor of it.
Anyway, back to Josh.
Jeremy was a smarter version of Josh,
and I had him driving a load of toilets and stuff one time to Atlanta.
I'll never forget it.
I'm out in a field with Eric and a full crew.
Oh, God, I think this was the day that me and Jerry Mikulek,
that world champion-like guy, and a few other people were there and we're waiting on jeremy and i mean i'm in this field and the sun is coming up it's early i slept in atlanta the night before and and he's bringing
all of these things toilets and a door that can be like stood up in a field to just be a door in
a field to blow up and then paint and glue and like a myriad of
supplies and a couple grand worth of shit he's tolling in a little trailer behind his truck
he brings his girlfriend with him she distracts him he hits a guardrail and wraps the trailer
around the guardrails fucking up some of my shit so then i'm sitting there and i'm in my camaro in
atlanta i don't even have a truck to like go, go get it. So I have to call my father, who's, like, two and a half hours away,
and be like, hey, I need you to go to Atlanta and find Jeremy.
Trailer from him and leave him wherever the fuck he is
and provide no assistance.
And then come to me.
I'm in this other place.
And Dad was like, I'm on the way.
And so I have to go to the whole crew and everybody and be like,
well, we got a bit of a weight on our hands.
There was a bit of an accident.
And so that's the kind of stuff you get out of Jeremy.
You should have them live stream chess playing against each other.
Responsible for the damages incurred to the trailer,
keeping in mind that said trailer was borrowed by Jeremy
from Josh's mother without my permission
I didn't know
so now they're like oh well Kyle should have to pay for the new trailer
and I was like no fuck you
I will not pay for the trailer
and so then my dad ended up
helping him fix the trailer
because he's a nice guy but I was
so mad at him for bringing his girlfriend
on that early morning work trip
when he can't drive anyway and I know he was texting how did you think that's what the distraction was texting
that and i mean just you know it wasn't like someone ran him off the road he was like i hit
a guardrail you know it was like you know the roads they jump right out at you it was a guardrail
you have off road to hit one by the very thing it's not like oh you know stop short and i hit him in the
ass i could be like oh yeah atlanta traffic man you got to be used to that you got to be
two seconds between you and them but now you're all at guardrail you know it's eight feet off
the fucking highway i hit it and then wrapped my trailer around it so yeah i'll send josh on that
trip but i can easily see him um you know wrecking that same trailer and his own truck that barely works anyway.
And he's probably going to want to spend lots of time at the hospital now that his 42-year-old girlfriend is crippled.
Jesus.
Well, we should have the listeners, viewers, whatever, come up with good plans.
Oh, I like it.
Strategies to what Josh or Jeremy should be doing for Kyle in order to justify them being paid.
Or I guess just Josh at this point is the big driver.
Yeah, Jeremy has a job.
Jeremy's got a full-time job and four mouths to feed, not including his own.
His own, you know, he can...
Can you explain Jeremy's child situation?
So I think his second biological child just has been born
or is about to be born, like, tomorrow, the next day, next week,
something like that.
He has a other child.
It's a stepchild of some kind.
And he's married to this lady.
So he is the breadwinner for the whole group.
The two biological children, the third.
Five.
And he's got a job doing something or another.
It's whatever. But Josh, on the other hand, he's a real wild man.
He can't read or write very well.
And I was being very kind with that text message.
You cleaned up a lot of mistakes, huh?
If he had been writing me something about what he wanted for lunch,
I'd have really had some fun picking at that.
But instead he's talking to me about, oh, yeah, my girlfriend's mom died,
and then on the way to the funeral we got hit by a car,
and my girlfriend broke her arm three times.
I should reply back, like, did she get to go to the funeral?
That was a real question I was thinking.
Because you'd want to still be able to go to your parents' funeral,
but if your arm is shattered, like, you can't just go hang out.
You have to go to the doctor.
Yeah, he misspelled T-Bone.
I'm not how you would think.
I actually don't have any T-Bone.
If you can guess how he spelled T-Bone, I'll kiss your ass.
T-B-O-A-N-D.
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
I don't remember, and I don't have it
open. Did he say it
the way Tim T-bowed?
He did?
Alright, there we go.
So someone ran right into him and then got out and
praised God. Yeah. Man, that really, in all sincerity, All right, there we go. So someone ran right into him and then got out and... And prayed for him.
Yeah.
Man, that really, in all sincerity, that does suck.
Listeners, viewers, whatever,
come up with a good plan that would actually
rationalize Kyle giving this dude a job.
I don't have a job, per se, for him.
I have odd jobs that need him doing occasionally
where he can make a couple hundred bucks, but I think
that's all he's going to have access to
because of the condition that
he finds himself in
as a white male in modern society.
So we're about to wrap.
I watched a video.
He's a paramotor guy.
I don't know that he'd appeal to everybody else, but he goes up and he flies and he does these live comms's a paramotor guy. I don't know that he'd appeal to everybody else.
But he goes up and he flies and he does these live comms from his paramotor.
And he's flying around and he's like,
People ask, you know, what happens when the engine goes out?
Nothing.
You're perfectly fine.
You're here under a wing.
It just turns into a glider.
As a matter of fact, I'll demonstrate.
He turns off his paramotor.
And he's like, you see?
I'm fine.
Now, I'll start it again.
And he pulls it.
And he's like, ah.
Ah.
Damn it.
And then, like, on the fourth pull, the string doesn't retract anymore.
And he's like, well, all right.
Well, we're coming in for a landing.
He, like, wraps the string up so he doesn't get in the trouble,
and he's trying to figure out which way the wind's going.
And he eventually lands downwind, which is a real big deal.
Like, how fast can you run?
Like, eight miles an hour?
Yeah, not that fast.
Yeah.
Well, the glider at its slowest goes, like, 15 or so.
So you really have to, like, get it into a part where you can start like getting your feet under you again.
And if the wind is going the wrong way by five miles an hour, it makes a big difference.
And so anyway, he came in sliding to his butt.
But my friends and I watched it, like our paramotor friends.
And we were just hooting and howling like, you fucking jinxed yourself.
You jinxed it.
When the freaking lawnmower pull cord didn't go back in, it was the highlight of the video.
He's like, well...
Now you're in trouble when your aircraft has a lawnmower pull cord!
Yeah...
Remember to like the video and subscribe!
I wish you had subbed that!
And if I survive this, I'll be sure to keep in mind your suggestions for future content.
The footage will, of course, be uploaded as always, regardless.
Oh, if that ever happens to me, I swear I'm going to try.
I hope I have the peace of mind to say that. Like, all right, well, this landing isn't a choose-to, it's a have-to.
Remember to like and subscribe.
Be sure to share this on Reddit, because I don't know how this is going to work out.
And he ended up sliding to his butt in pretty controlled manner.
The guy's a good pilot.
I'm sorry?
I guess an electric start is extra weight maybe.
That's exactly it.
So there's – people don't want paramotor talk.
But there is an electric start.
Maybe like a third of them come with it.
It's an option on mine.
But it brings extra weight and extra complexity.
Like you'll be grounded a little more often because –
How do we power an electric starter?
Like I think – because like a little DeWalt drill has plenty enough power I think to start things.
So if you had something that harnessed the power of that back there to just –
I've seen them in real life.
The battery is like the size of two pocket knives almost.
It's not that heavy, but the starting unit and everything.
And then you have to make sure it's charged.
There's going to be a day where you show up at the airfield and it's not charged and you thought it was.
Oh, it will be charged.
Yeah, and then there's an alternator and, you know, like wiring complexity.
They tend to be a little less reliable.
But, you know, the other ones aren't perfect either and heavier.
It's a terror.
You pick what you want.
But I'm getting to be almost competent at this thing.
Like I'm launching better.
I land on my feet pretty much every time now.
Nice.
Good to hear.
14 out of my last 15 flights
or something like that.
Could you power over
a populated area at night time,
cut your engine, and then land
on a rooftop?
I would say I could pull
that's illegal, but hypothetically i could pull that off
half the time well you better be pretty fucking sure before you try to do that you run into those
your fucking heels are digging into the rooftop and you see the gravel just shaking a little bit
before you break both your knees on that i think about because into the darkness I think about
because the paramotor to me is only
useful and it
gets its most usefulness in the dark
times right the post apocalyptic times
remember Mad Max 2
that guy had that little like
yeah
personal helicopter
it was very useful like getting around
escaping people,
and he was even throwing firebombs down with it or something like that at one point.
So what I'm thinking is if there's zombies...
Now, my first thought, I shared this with Chiz,
was I can just imagine the zombies are coming at us, the horde is coming,
we can tell we're not going to make it, we're shooting them,
and I'm just like, well, guys, I guess this is it.
Goodbye, Woody!
And we're just like, Woody? Woody and i'm just like well guys i guess this is it goodbye woody and we're just like woody like flying away and i was like i'd shoot him down maybe i can lead the
horde away from you i can lead the horde away who tried to escape on your little whirlybird machine
guys are terrible people no it also the the reality of that is it's about even if i skip
the pre-flight just laying the wing out and warming it up but i can't leave in less than 10 15 minutes
yeah it would have to be like a coordinated effort where it was me kyle and chiz holding
them at bay with the guns and you're like like, just another 30 minutes! Yeah, right?
Hold them away better! I need 75 yards to launch!
What are we waiting for? There's no wind!
And then a zombie
hanging onto your leg as you slowly
ascend in altitude, like
a foot every two minutes.
I'm like, setting up my GoPro, one second, guys!
Yes!
But even better, though, if we're in some sort of like a Red Dawn scenario where we need to like fight some Ruskies or something, like you would be eagle eyes, right?
Dude, I wouldn't.
Kyle, if you saw me flying around, right, I really feel like you could hit me.
Nighttime operations.
Here's what we're talking.
Everything's black.
Your whole gear, black wing, you're blue you're painted black we gotta be careful that
you don't that's what it would take yeah yeah gotta be careful when you land that you wipe that
off because post-apocalyptic times i don't think that the the dark skin is going to be a good thing
to have um not not where we're operating anyway when the ruski's pushed in i feel like they're
not going to like that either it's going to be rough for those people but i i feel like you
would be a you could be eagle eyes like red dawn style like doing an air entry on top of like the
russian headquarters with your your your your paramotor you know cutting the engine off up high
and just doing little circles until you like pitter patter onto the roof if you do a recon
with your with your night vision goggles.
I really feel like my drone
would do better at anything than I would.
I'd be bragging to everybody
about Eagle Eyes,
our recon stealth pilot
and his whirlybird.
I just finished my speech.
Eagle Eyes
has been captured.
They would shoot me.
They were dangling from a power pole.
They were watching and they just executed him.
So they have the Eagle Eyes machine.
They have the flying machine.
We now have to stage a counterattack to get this flying machine back to the hands of those who need it.
I have just a normal shot.
And I believe I could pick myself out of the sky with a pistol.
Yeah, without reloading.
I feel like if you shoot skeet, you could hit a paramotorist ten times out of ten.
Yes.
It's nighttime, though.
See, you're missing my point.
Like, here's what you have to do.
You have to gain lots of altitude when you're under power.
To the point where you can't see.
Uh-oh.
Dragons and flashlights.
They just shut off the radio.
Well, they're not...
What is this, Baghdad?
They don't have spotlights, I hope.
You know, we're starting small.
We're not going after, like, the Russian embassy in Atlanta.
No, this little enemy has spotlights, Kyle.
They're not looking into the skies.
They're not expecting Woody to come in with his paramotor like maybe
after we take out a string of these buildings and kill lots of rooskies we'll get a name for
ourselves and they'll be looking to the skies but right off the start i don't think so kyle
think of it as a sky go-kart right with all the utility and functionality of a regular go-kart. We're just saying none.
It's not fast.
It doesn't have great range.
It's not useful.
It's just a Sky go-kart.
It's blessed.
It's like a Star Trek transport.
You've got to look on the bright side here.
It's the only imaginable way to plant you on top of that Russian embassy
without anybody seeing it.
Think how many guards they've got in this building?
You can take it down.
Best case scenario,
we get one secret entry with a paramotor,
and then they're going to come up on the roof and be like,
it looks as though they strap a fin to their back
and just land on the roof.
Now we be prepared for this.
We spend a little bit of money on spotlights.
Everybody feel comfortable shooting someone slowly floating? Well, now we be prepared for this. We spend a little bit of money on spotlights, eh?
Everybody feel comfortable shooting someone slowly floating?
I just need a net.
I just need a net.
Right?
He'd come in for his landing and, like, he'd hit the net, and that would be it.
Sorts, you know?
Things get tangled in the prop. I feel like they could take me out with one of those, like, make-believe cans of peanuts with a snake shoot out of it
yeah confetti yeah oh fuck watch props break
series of fans blowing air away from
completely invulnerable sky attack from american rebel
in this virginia trip i went it was windier than I had felt before.
But, you know, we drove like four hours to Virginia, so I'm not going to like not go.
It was the first time I did what they call para-parking, right?
So I'm going like 30 miles an hour through the wind.
Like I adjusted my trimmers and I'm going a little faster.
But the wind aloft is also going 30 miles an hour.
So for like 20 minutes, I'm like,
I can't tell if I'm going forwards or backwards.
I'm just parking in the sky.
And it was kind of cool, actually.
Oh, yeah, that's neat.
See, that's what I'm talking about.
You're hovering up there in the night with your goggles,
getting weak on.
Like, this would totally – maybe a sniper rifle.
Imagine that, if you could get yourself a sniper rifle and just shoot someone with a silent sniper rifle from up there.
Yeah.
Imagine.
Yeah, you can get –
Yeah, there's – yeah, I don't know.
I have to show you this unit someday.
It would be Nightwing.
Dude, all right.
So I have – around my legs are good like safety straps
i know you've hung from a helicopter so you can safety straps in the same class as that
and then around my yeah and then around my shoulders are like backpack straps right also
kind of sturdy but the only thing stopping me from just doing a somersault out of this whole unit is like a tiny little elastic band with a rape whistle on it for some reason.
Right?
And it's like I feel so unsecure, insecure.
I'm not even sure.
Are you afraid to take the rape whistle off because you're afraid you might nick the elastic band?
Yeah.
Dude, if you nick this band, like i've taken off and forgotten the
band it's the one thing that you can like forget and it i'm just like oh my god oh my god i miss
my rape whistle so much if i do a somersault right now i'm going down like 2 000 feet
yeah it's the first time i ever uh so you have these brakes right and you're steering around
but there there's magnets so you can stow them, right?
And I showed you a video of a guy like made a cake and everything.
I had never stowed my brakes, but I felt so bad without my little rape whistle that I stowed my brakes, clipped myself in, and flew on.
But I'm getting good at it, believe it or not.
Well, I'm glad that you're getting past that learning curve to where now we don't have to be as anxious about you flying around.
Yeah, let me know when you're capable of doing a nighttime building entry.
It's against the law.
I know it's against – there will be no law.
Okay, okay.
There will be no law.
You are the law.
You're the Nightwing.
This is after the Ruskies have come in. They killed the law. You're the Nightwing. Like, this is after the, you know, the Ruskies have come in.
They killed the president.
That's a substantial upgrade from my current pilot nickname
of Snowflake.
Absolutely. We would put it on your, like,
jacket on the back. It would say Nightwing.
What I know is that
if we ever get in a horrible situation like that,
we need to make sure that we're all on the same level
of star generals above our contingent
because if Kyle's in charge, we're going to get sent on all sorts of cockamamie schemes.
We're going to be like, Taylor, take this razor scooter and distract him.
And he'll be like, why do we do this?
And you're like, well, because it's the future and we just have to use what we have.
And I got a razor scooter.
It's like, can I just jog over there?
No.
You're going to razor scooter it up and then you're going to provide cover for eagle eyes.
They've already got fans on the roof.
We can't get them close enough.
It's just in the apparel park, 60 yards from us.
Why it's so ridiculous.
I mean, if we are in some sort of post-apocalyptic government-overthrown resistance scenario,
and one of us just happens to have a flying contraption is it so absurd to ask our
flying contraption friend to be the nightwing and to do a building entry as long as i'm not that
friend i don't care i can just see it in the feeling taylor you're good at ice skating put
these on but kyle we're in georgia shut up i'm in charge here we're gonna start our own hockey
team and then we're going to beat the Russians.
We've already done this.
It didn't work in the 80s.
When we fight the Russians in the north,
and you want to use some sort of ice hockey,
like some sort of craft with rockets on the back
and like eight pairs of hockey skates on the bottom
to like sled missile into their ship,
like I'll be on board for that.
I can't imagine
that being useful.
Unless it's just a big melee brawl
and you just put someone in a bunch of goalie equipment
and send them out there with a saw.
No, no, no.
I imagine there's a big Russian
battleship, a Russian
missile cruiser with some nuclear missiles
and they're aimed at
what's that hellhole you're from? Missouri.
St. Louis. Yeah, they're
aimed at St. Louis, and
we have to take that ship down
so that the resistance that's about
to overthrow the local power
players in St. Louis won't be
immediately taken out by the missiles.
So it's a frozen lake, so we've created
a rocket sled that's got
lots of hockey skates on the bottom to go on the ice
and a rocket in the back and a warhead in the front.
And it's going to skate along the ice and hit the battleship and sink it so that our plan can succeed.
And we're all in your basement, I guess, like the rebels in Star Wars with a GoPro footage on your screen
going like, yeah, come on, come on, come on come on come on do it do it and then
no no because one of us would have to get on the rocket sled that's how it would have to work
and it would be you no no because you thought the whole thing up because of your you know your
love for hockey so you'd be on there with like your goalie pads like i don't know like preparing
to die yeah yeah like on the sled like this thing isn't big. It's the size of a car, but narrower, and you're just on it,
riding it in. You'd have to steer it or something.
This would be a good city for
if nuclear war did break out. Nobody's going to bomb
St. Louis. They're going to look at a couple pictures
and be like, no, someone already got to it.
That's what Memphis
is looking like.
I hit St. Louis with a very
early strike, I see.
Very early.
Just decimated.
My God.
War crimes going on.
Oh, nobody's even attacked there?
Well, we're surely not invading there.
We'll let them keep that.
It's like gang warfare has already taken over.
We haven't done anything there yet, sir.
That's a good show. All right. B yet, sir. Yes.
That's probably it.
That's a good show.
All right.
BKN, episode 109.
See ya.