Transcript
Discussion (0)
Here we are, Painkiller Nearly, episode 171.
I was about to say Kyle, because that's how I start PKA.
Kyle? Oh, a couple words from our sponsors.
A couple sponsors this evening, and I thank the Pilgrims for making Thanksgiving possible,
and asking those dirty, dirty savages.
So, Kyle, your Thanksgiving went off without a hitch, right?
It really did. So We did Thanksgiving on Sunday.
The day before yesterday.
I got my mother and my father
over and
Kitty and myself.
I cooked virtually everything.
Your mom and dad at the same time?
Yes.
That went smoothly?
Yeah, it went very smoothly.
My kitty cooked a couple of
British Thanksgiving...
They don't have Thanksgivinggiving foods so she's like
oh yeah gotta cook some british stuffing and i looked at it i'm like i'll cook some american
stuffing just in case just so there's something good yeah yeah she made like these these stuffing
balls and it was so funny my dad was like i'm to try some of your meatballs here, Kitty. She's like, oh, no, that's stuffing. He's like, well, all the same.
Scrowned up lima beans.
So I made the dressing and the turkey and mashed potatoes and macaroni.
My macaroni completely melted down.
The recipe was all bad.
But the turkey was the interesting thing.
I fried the turkey.
The most important thing.
I fried the turkey, and I love frying turkeys.
Can't use peanut oil, which is the ideal oil to use because Kitty's allergic to peanuts.
And last year, I used vegetable oil.
It didn't taste very good.
So this year, I used cottonseed oil.
And it's really difficult to keep the temperature right at 350 degrees while you're running inside back and forth and doing the sides.
And at some point, it got a little too hot
now before I show you this turkey let me just say that the inside of the turkey
was delicious okay yeah just fine that I I like carved up all of the extras I
could I'm still eating this turkey however this is what the turkey looked like oh my god that doesn't look good it's jet
black it's jet black what the hell is sticking out of it like i'm to me i'm like i'm about
dreidel dreidel dreidel we made it out of turkey no that's the jews what what is that thing it
looks like a chain well you gotta hold it up the turkey, there's this thing that goes through the turkey and then you hook a thing
onto that and lower it into the vat of boiling oil and then you hook it again and lift it
out.
So that's me holding it by that, uh, you know, by that handle, by that meat hook.
Yeah, basically.
But that's so overcooked.
It's like, how do you, did you forget about it for like an hour?
No, no, no.
It's just that it got too hot.
Was that supposed to come out at 5.30 or 11 p.m.? Exactly.
It is, I mean, black.
Yes.
On the outside.
Was it even edible?
I swear to God, it was delicious.
I swear.
Like, I'm not even lying well
now we know kyle's not going to heaven you can ask it was perfect it was just the outside skin
part was like dark and black just the outer like inch of turkey no it wasn't even the outer it's
just the skin like as soon as you like cut the skin i carved it up and it's all you open it up and it's juicy delicious white meat i swear it was i'm still eating this turkey it's great but
the legs were ruined because you know those cook faster than anything of course but the breast
which is all that you need for four people was delicious however when i brought it in my entire
family laughed at me they were just like my mom was like the turkey my mom was like
it's just like on a christmas vacation when they cut it and it just goes poof
smoke just shoots out my dad's like i saved the neck for me clark
so did you go in to the the dining room like with that pre-started excuse where you're like,
no, no, no, before anyone says anything, know that the inside's fine.
I didn't know the inside was fine.
They tell you not to eat dark black meat, but that's a lifestyle.
I paused on the porch because you do this outside, of course,
so you don't burn your house down.
So I'm standing on the porch looking at this thing in the light of the porch
because it's out in the darkness at first, and I was like, oh, it looks really black.
Let me get into the lights of the porch.
And I'm like, oh, it is black.
And I just kind of paused there for like 10 seconds.
Like, what the fuck am I going to say?
Because as soon as I walk in this doorway, they're all there.
They're all right there as soon as you walk in.
I walked in and they're just all like, ah.
This is Kyle's Cajun blackened chicken.
That's what I'm doing.
Even the skin looked inedible.
But I'll tell you what, as soon as I tried the skin, it was crispy and salty and delicious.
Because I brined this turkey in a bucket of salt water and brown sugar.
It looks like the worst thing you've ever seen,
but I promise it was delicious.
Probably could have taken it out about...
The timing
was perfect. It was that the temperature
got really hot at one point.
It went up like 450 degrees, and
it's supposed to be at 350
for 57 minutes. Three and a half
minutes per pound. So I guess it's hard to
get the temp right? You don't just dial
it? Oh no, you've got like a
burner. Within 100 degrees?
That's like going 60
miles an hour on the highway. Sometimes I look down and I'm
going 210 miles an hour.
I'm like, man,
yeah, you use that oxyacetylene
torch to get it up to 10,000.
I'm running inside and and I'm, like, cooking the mashed potatoes, and that takes, like, 10 minutes.
By the time I got up there, the temperature had skyrocketed, you know, because it's just a propane burner under there.
You need a man.
So when you cook with your regular thing, do you sometimes put it on self-clean, like, just to see how by accident?
You need someone manning the burner.
That's the key takeaway from this.
Your dad should have been standing out there doing guard.
Well, he wasn't there.
He got there right about the time the turkey was about
to come out.
Just in time for the mocking.
Just in time for the mocking, and that's how I wanted it.
He was like, oh, I'll show up an hour early.
I'm like, no, I'm cooking everything.
I'm not going to be able to entertain you.
You're just going to be sitting there.
Just show up at 6 and everything
will be ready. And it was. It was delicious.
I swear. It was more than ready.
More than ready.
Twice as ready as it needed to be.
The way you get the juiciest
breast is when you cook it at such a high temperature
that the legs are inedible.
It was like
Auschwitz fried turkey uh you know
doing the math it was about 30 more ready than it needed to be the parts of it were but the breast
part delicious the legs i just threw those away and the whole carcass it it looked horrible but
it tasted delicious it was really funny like while i was finishing up the mashed potatoes the turkey
sitting there it needs to rest for 20 minutes especially after what i did to it yeah and my dad's sitting next to it at the table waiting
on the sides to arrive and stuff and he's sort of picking at it a little bit and every now and
then he'll put a piece of it in his mouth and it sounds like he's eating potato chips
because he's picking like the crunchiest bits off the legs and stuff the outer edge
like the turkey jerky that I had made.
So yeah, it was
an excellent Thanksgiving, I thought.
That's good. When I saw that
turkey, I didn't think that you had turkey
for Thanksgiving. I thought that was like a
well, Domino's is open.
We'll go with our sides.
It worked out in the end.
I was so afraid that when I cut into the
turkey, it was going to be like dry and terrible or black on the inside, like black all the way through. But you cut it open.
Yeah, that must have been a stressful 20 minutes as you were sitting there like, what does the inside of that thing look like? Shit.
Yeah, but we cut it open and it was delicious. Maybe that's how much you should cook it because the inside was delicious. I saved the oil.
Don't you want to be able to eat the legs?
I don't like the leg.
I don't like the dark meat. We've been over this.
I'm going to fry some more stuff this week
because I've got four gallons of oil out there.
I can cook anything.
I've got an extra turkey
because we had a friend whose work gave him a turkey
and he's like, hey, you want a turkey? And we're like, yeah.
And so I'm going to cook another
fucking turkey tomorrow. I'm going to eat up the rest
of this turkey and then new turkey.
So we did our Thanksgiving one day late
and it was just
us, the four of us
and my mother-in-law. Hope is
back in town.
And I'm such an asshole because I have all these
internal thoughts. So my mother-in-law,
most people know, she's in her
final days now.
And they're loading up her plate with all that food.
And I'm like, what are you
doing? You're wasting all that food.
She doesn't eat. She doesn't drink.
Give her a little tidbit of it.
Oh my god. So she had...
I bet her plate was just like
yours, Kyle. Overflowing with the
bounty.
She'd just maybe
poke at it for like 90 seconds.
Go to the bathroom. Repeat.
Repeat. Repeat.
Just
kept getting up. Getting up.
She didn't eat anything. She drank water.
She wanted water to drink, which is good.
Boring.
Dude, she put her mouth on the straw and drink, and I'm eyeballing how much.
The water level doesn't even move.
The liquid got halfway up the straw and then went back down.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
And I call her.
I was like, because she's supposed to be eating and drinking more.
It's important.
And I'm like, you didn't drink.
You know, like, have a drink.
It's important.
You need to be drinking.
And then she gets the water level to move in the glass, like, most of a centimeter.
And it's just like, yeah, that's your go it'll go for it with gusto amount a centimeter
yeah you're gonna hang your hat on that yeah right so uh so those are my that was my internal
thought process as their thanksgiving was going on i'd have been right there with you i watch
people while they eat like i look for i look for people who hold their knife and knife and fork
wrong um you know people who hold it like a goddamn caveman.
There's a few different acceptable ways, in my opinion.
I'm with you.
You don't have to hold it...
I wish I had a...
I hold it kind of like a pencil.
Like a pencil?
Like a pencil is perfect.
I wish I had a...
But there are alternatives, too.
I'm okay if you hold it like a shovel.
Depending on what you're eating, you can hold it like this.
Like if it's mashed potatoes and you're just scooping them up and really going to town, I'm okay with that.
But if you hold it like you're stabbing someone and you're like doing something crazy like that, which I've seen.
Who do you dine with?
You're one level more tolerant than me because I don't even accept the shovel.
Now, I'll accept the little three-pronged pencil grip.
Sometimes people use it like as a lever and they have it like that.
And I'll accept that too.
That's a lot.
If your entire hand is used, it's incorrect.
You look like a toddler the way they would like hold a sippy cup.
I think I remember this from that horrible
cotillion class my mom made me take.
You took a cotillion class?
Yeah, so I learned how to swing dance and learned all
of...
Fox trot?
Of course.
What do you think? He's an animal?
Yeah. And what else did they do?
They taught us all the manners and everything
you're supposed to do at dinner.
And they said that there are two acceptable ways to eat with your knife and fork
like in proper settings you know as this like fucking 52 year old used to be hot lady running
the show it's like yeah we get it you're loving this like you probably wish you had kids right
like this is filling a hole somewhere jesus christ that was mean she was actually not that bad
but they're like all right you can hold it uh
fork left hand knife right hand and then cut like european style and then with like the fork
going downward you put it in the meat and then you eat with your left hand or the american way
which is you cut and then you put the knife down and switch hands to your right hand with your
fork and then eat that way i I never did the hand switching thing
because it seemed like too much effort to eat steak.
And I mean so fast that, you know, we're...
So, yeah.
When I took my paramotoring course,
the instructor was German.
And his father was like...
I felt like he was trying to fucking alpha me all the time, right?
And like the first time we went out, he corrected how to fucking alpha me all the time right and uh like the first time
we went out he corrected how i ate because i ate the american one now i have good table manners i
promise you if you guys are listening like you would be happy with my table well you handle your
knife and fork right but let's not go as far as to say you have good table manners you do some
shit at the table well i mean sometimes they get horny so the uh they were like you know they were telling me to
eat it the european way a fork goes in this hand knife goes in this hand you eat it with the fork
inverted and it was just like what the fuck i mean the next time we went out i was doing daily vlogs
at the time and uh they're like hey you know can you put that camera down and uh you know like
we're gonna eat here and i, no, this is my living
and I don't tell you how to make yours.
And I don't know.
I was trying to fucking put my foot down, assholes.
But what kind of person tells a 43-year-old man how to eat?
How did that come up?
So you were sitting there eating and then he goes,
I can't help but notice that you're not eating correctly.
No?
After this, we are going to fly about, yeah?
It wasn't far from that he was just like it was more along the lines of like in germany we're really strict on how table manners are done you know if my kid
were eating like that i would i would fix it and let him know that this is the right way to eat
your food man if you're that passionate about it you probably should have taken those past couple
wars a little more seriously because we could all be eating your way we would troll them fucking constantly about the war like every time
they had they said anything we'd be like yeah and i i what i do is i'd haze them about the war but i
get all my facts wrong so you need this shirt i'm wearing right now oh really uh yeah it's uh back
to back world war world war champions so I would say shit like, you know,
if you guys were any good at this,
then the Germans would have done better when they bombed Pearl Harbor or something like that.
Which, of course, it wasn't the Germans.
It was the Japanese.
So, yeah, I would just constantly be like,
yeah, the Germans, they did really poorly in Africa
when, of course, it was the Italians
that did the bulk of the fighting in Africa.
And I would just say incorrect shit that they did wrong constantly. Africa when of course it was the Italians that did the bulk of the fighting in Africa.
I would just say incorrect shit that they did wrong constantly. That was my trolling.
I would study.
I would like come in like, I need new material.
I don't know that much about World War II.
I bet they loved you.
Fuck them. I didn't start it.
Just like the war. I have something to say war it'll come it'll come to you all right i was just
watching band of brothers it's funny if only we're talking about this right now i i've watched it
over the course of the last three days or so man i love band of brothers do you have surround sound
um no not not exactly no that show takes advantage of it. Like, bullets. Like, it'd make you look.
Yeah.
Cool.
I'm trying to start the Pacific now.
I've seen the Pacific before.
Pacific is just a real step down.
And, like, if nothing else, in the cast.
Like, the cast of Band of Brothers is fucking outrageous.
I saw Jimmy.
I'm recognizing people that I didn't used to know from the rewatch.
Like, Jimmy Kimmel's in there.
Jimmy Fallon.
Rolls up in a Jeep. He's like, you got all the
ammo you need? And then he's gone.
Of course, David Schwimmer.
David Schwimmer, of course.
Always knew him from Friends and everything.
Who's the big, strong guy who played Buck?
You mean...
Bull. Is it Bull? Okay.
Yeah. I don't really think he's uh i don't know him
i've seen him from here and there but yeah they oh the their cast was excellent i'm glad you said
pacific was a step down because that's how i see it band of brothers on a one to ten scale for
war films i guess it's a 10 i can't think of anything I've ever liked more Tom Hardy
Tom Hardy's in there
Oh yeah I didn't recognize that
until the last time I watched through
Is it fucking Tom Hardy?
And I don't think Pacific's bad
It might be a 7
I agree with that
I think Pacific at like an 8 or 9
It's just that the first one is so good
The only movie that I put
almost on that level is Saving Private Ryan
as far as war movies.
But yeah, Band of Brothers is the best war epic
ever.
It just drags and
Pacific drags to me.
Tom Hanks was involved.
In both of them, yeah. Tom Hanks was involved.
Yeah, he was an actor.
And he provides voice over for the pacific um oh yeah you're right he does yeah it's it's just okay to me like like
i don't care for most of the main characters like lucky i'm watching lucky and i'm just like ah
dig yourself out of it like like what's your problem let's go kill some fucking japs come on
like you didn't you
know the original cast those guys were hard fucking core they're and they're always talking
about takoa men and i live 10 minutes from takoa so you know i've been up i do so it's kind of
cool so are you a takoa man i'm a takoa man i've been i've been up to korea and down in a car
i'm like three miles up, three miles down.
David Schwimmer plays the hateable fucking drill sergeant so well in that,
where he's, you know, that annoying, like,
Hi-O Silver is running up there.
It's like, God, you're fucking a...
I watched that, and I'm like, well, was that supposed to be that lame?
Or is Hiyo Silver a thing that maybe people said
like everyday slang?
I don't know.
Yeah, that's true.
Maybe back in the day that was like, fuck yeah.
I think that's from like the Long Ranger show
or maybe comics back then or graphic novels,
whatever it was.
I think the Long Ranger's horse was Silver
and he'd say, Hiyo Silver! And like you know get the get the horse moving i'm pretty sure
that's where that comes i knew that i just don't know if it worked its way outside the show right
because i don't sit here saying x-men unite or whatever the fuck they say you know like but but
you know for all i there are other things where like yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker never became common language.
But there are things that come from TVs and shows that people say.
Yeah, yeah.
I just don't have any examples right now.
Like when Floyd Mayweather wanted his bodyguards to swarm in,
he went, Voltron, assemble!
And all of his bodyguards ran in together.
And then became a giant bodyguard
a wizard is never late
if they had become a giant bodyguard
that would have been so cool
no but they just ran up and started
whooping on people
are they all going to wear the same clothes
yeah I was thinking you'd be the arm
I'd be the leg
I don't know why
in the same outfit
oh you think that's better I don't know why I'm in the same outfit, Charlie.
Oh, you think that's better?
I was watching Ice Poseidon stream maybe last night or the night before.
I think he's in Florida.
And he was in a Walmart.
And there was this guy.
And he was like, are you Wings of Redemption?
And the guy was like, huh?
No?
All right.
Okay, never mind, man.
And he just keeps on going. That happened?
Yeah, yeah.
Because he's a big COD guy back in the day, so he knows who everybody is.
And if you asked him who T. Martin was, he'd know.
Or, you know, syndicate or whatever.
So he just asked a heavy gentleman.
He asked a heavy gentleman at Walmart if he was Wings of Redemption.
Oh, Ice Poseidon asks. I follow.
I thought someone asked Ice
if they were Wings.
Like they knew Wings, but not Ice Poseidon.
I got all mixed up.
Let me see if I can find it.
Is he filming himself walking around Walmart?
Well, he doesn't. He live streams.
He's an IRL streamer.
So he streams like his
everyday life.
And he tries to make it interesting.
What he does nicely is, like, you have to do it to understand.
But it takes a certain kind of bravery to interact with other people with the camera on.
And I admire that he just dives right into it.
He encourages conversation
some guy in another car will be saying
that's unusual, you've got a camera on your head
and he's like, what? I don't see what's unusual
he's looking like a fucking unicorn
this seems normal to me
and he does that well
I'm not exactly sure how it works
I may have this wrong
but I think he's wearing a speaker now,
and the chat, when they donate, the speaker says whatever they type.
Nice to meet you.
So he's outside in the parking lot of Walmart, and it says,
What's up, niggers?
And he's like, Oh, shit.
I got to edit that.
I got to fix that.
I don't want to be the nigger guy.
It's too late.
you know I don't wanna be the nigger guy it's too late I use if I if I saw anybody live stream in their life in a store I was currently patronizing like
walking around with my cart like I would avoid them like I would take different
aisles hmm you know or would you I would too I steer clear that I might get in
there I might be like zero percent chance I would get in there I'd be like
it depends on the scenario like I've been at like an event before like at I might get in there. There's a 0% chance I would get in there. I'd be like, oh.
It depends on the scenario.
I've been at an event before, like at VidCon or something,
and there's people walking down the streets of LA vlogging.
This guy with 400 subscribers, and I'll just run up behind him
and just be like, hey, and then I'll just keep going.
And I know somebody in their comments is going to be like,
holy shit, you didn't know that that was that guy right behind you?
VidCon is, I've never been, but i would think you anticipate that a little bit right
like but uh neighborhood walmart when you're like oh man do i really need the cheez-its this week
and then somebody comes in like hey what is going on it's like all right i know this is fucking you
goofing around and everything but the rest of us are just shopping i I don't know which way I'd go. There's a part
of me that would do just what you're saying. There's another
part of me that's like, that guy's live streaming.
Sun's out, guns out.
Take the shirt off and
be like, yeah, fuck yeah.
I'm on your stream.
I don't know why.
And then you have to be like, alright, well, back to shopping.
I know.
This is inside out now.
This is
time stamped if you want to see it.
It's funny.
Oh, is this the stream?
Yeah. Six hours!
Yeah, the streaming
is a lot of it's about time.
You know, you accumulate more people
as time goes on and that's where
success is. Alright, 3, 2,
1, play.
I paused it. Oh, okay. Wow, that makes sense. Yeah, we're doing a live stream.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I paused it.
I was really waiting for you to call that other guy KSI.
Wings of Redemption?
What?
He's just confused.
Yeah, I don't know what.
They were going to go in the woods or something.
I didn't watch the rest of it.
He was, like, buying a flashlight to go into the woods. He's in Florida. That's cool.
There's gators in the Florida woods. Yeah, that's what he was saying.
Yeah, he's like, I hope the gators don't get us or
something like that. Maybe they did.
That'd be an interesting stream.
Yeah.
He has me real curious. I don't think
I'm on his target market.
Whenever I see...
I'm interested in it a lot, and then I watch it,
and I'm like, oh, I really like the highlights.
Yeah, it needs to be when he's really doing a thing.
Like, he had backyard boxing a while back,
and the two guys he had fighting hated each other.
They're like online enemies.
And one guy was like crying.
He's like, you said this about me and you said this about you got my mother doxxed and this and that.
And they're calling our house. And they're like, all right, calm down, guys.
Calm down. Put your headgear on. And they go at it.
And they had this fight and the winner ends up crying then.
And then they have another bout, you know, and there's of course, like people.
It's a backyard full of just it looks like those pictures of when they have another bout you know and there's of course like people it's a backyard full
of just it looks like those pictures of when they have reddit get togethers and then they take a
group photo and everybody's just bizarre looking and it looked like that but assembled in a los
angeles backyard for an amateur impromptu boxing match all right i'm very curious it sounded like
one guy was a dick and one guy was a victim
they were both dicks they both had their their arguments there are no good guys in there that
everybody in that backyard was was a horrible person you could tell
now was there a clear winner in the fight would one guy outclass the other it went on for so long
that i stopped watching but but one guy yeah yeah, was definitely like the shorter, fatter guy was just throwing bombs that were accurate.
And the other guy was too gangly.
Like he'd get tied up and he couldn't do anything.
But the short guy that was throwing like –
I'm surprised the fight was long.
I don't know if you guys have been in any fights.
They're exhausting.
Well, Ice was the referee wearing his referee uniform and everything.
And he'd like, whoa, whoa.
He'd separate the fighters alright, go
and he'd get it going again and they'd tie up
or whatever
most normal people don't even have the energy
to be in a real fight for more than like
a minute before you're like
let's put our differences behind us
professional hockey players
only have like 40 seconds in them
yeah, they were getting exhausted.
They were taking timeout breaks.
And, you know, one guy got hit in the nuts.
Taylor, you said not defenseman?
Not usually defenseman.
They're out there longer.
They're out there.
No, no, no.
I can see Kyle being exasperated already.
A hockey fight.
Oh, the fight.
Yeah, you're right.
Most of them, like, you get exhausted real quick because half the effort is expending just balancing
and trying to keep the other guy from fucking you.
But anyway, so the backyard brawl.
It was very interesting, I thought.
But that's just one.
What I was getting at is his highlight shows
when they're doing a thing or there's prizes
and he assembles a crew of his viewers.
He's like, all right, everybody, we're here.
Show up. We're going to have people bob for golf balls in a tank of his viewers. He's like, alright everybody, we're here. Show up. We're going to have
people bob for golf
balls in a tank of shit and then
eat hot peppers and get pepper sprayed
for $1,000. Come on down.
Then you get three guys actually doing it.
Those are great.
He was worried that security over here
at this building was going to break it up because they're just on the
sidewalk. Then they go up there and check on security.
He's watching the stream. He's watching the stream.
He's watching the stream.
He's one of the viewers.
He's like, nah, y'all do y'all's thing.
I'm enjoying this.
That's funny.
This is an unlisted video with 130,000 views.
That's a good amount.
Yeah, well, I guess, you know, he's streaming for six hours,
and maybe I guess he unlists it after the stream is over.
I don't know how it works.
But, yeah, I enjoy his stuff when it comes on.
I had a bizarre dream about him the other day.
Because, yeah, yeah, I dreamed that he, like, burst into my house and, like, started streaming, like, in my bed.
Like, wake up!
Wake up!
We're on live!
We're on live now!
And I was like, what the fuck?
All right.
And then we commandeered Kitty's golf cart and, like, went and killed some dogs.
It was bizarre.
It was a real crazy dream.
He was like a psychopathic dog killer in the dream.
I've been having crazy dreams.
Like, I'll have, like, eight different dreams every night.
Like, last night I dreamed I fought a giant who was, like, 14 feet tall.
And, like, his knee was all I could reach.
So I just mercilessly beat his knee until he fell down,
and I was the winner of the fight because he just couldn't get me.
He just couldn't get you?
Well, he'd have to bend over to get to me, and I was all over that left knee.
Just really beating it up. He couldn't do anything.
Was it one of those fights where as you were throwing the
punch, he was like,
it wouldn't go?
I've had those. There was a
fight a while back where I was throwing elbows
and they were like slow motion
elbows that I just couldn't make connect
to this guy that I was on top of.
But when I fought the giant...
The slow motion punches and elbows and kicks
and running.
That's when my brain, if I don't know I'm dreaming already, that's what triggers me to know I'm dreaming every time.
It's like the slow motion punch because I'll be like, I got to get away.
Like I got to fight him off. And then like after a couple slow elbows, it's like, oh, this doesn't matter.
It's not real.
Yeah, I keep having the ones
where I'm too uncoordinated to run.
Like, I'll start running,
and I'll get, like, three good quick steps,
and then it's just, like, my legs are, like, jello.
And then it's, like, three more good steps
because I have to, like, think about each movement,
and it's really infuriating.
Last night, I dreamed I got caught with a prostitute
fucking her in a back alley.
That was bizarre.
No, no, she was normal-sized. But caught by who? Aren't you, like, you're allowed caught with a prostitute fucking her in a back alley. That was bizarre. No, no, she was normal sized.
But caught by who?
Aren't you like, you're allowed to have a prostitute?
Oh, okay.
Well, yeah, there are some people who don't allow it.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I had a whole audience there watching too.
That was part of the dream.
They were all kind of cheering me on,
like literally a dozen, 15 people or something like that.
Trying to pick some new tips.
Yeah, you know, and I remember thinking in the dream
like I better bring my A game because I've got
an audience for this. And
yeah, it was, that was a bizarre
dream. Just lots of
fucked up dreams lately. All kinds
of just weird scenarios.
Trapped in cabins with magical people.
Always some intrigue.
Like it turns out one of the guys there is eating us
because there's no food left.
And every now and then he'll ask somebody to go help him with a light bulb.
And they won't come back.
But he'll show up with a big platter of roast beef for everybody.
And everybody's eating the roast beef.
And I'm looking around like, where's Larry?
What a generous cannibal.
Right?
I mean, I hate to be so prejudiced.
I would have thought cannibals would mostly keep the food to themselves.
I didn't think of them as sharers.
That's a good point. That's a good point.
That's a good point. I didn't consider that during the dream.
I don't remember the last time I remembered a dream.
And Kyle, you seem to remember a dream
every night. Yeah, every night
I remember multiple dreams. You tend to remember
them when something wakes you up.
If you just wake up naturally and slowly,
you usually won't remember it. But if it's's like bam you wake up mid-dream that's when you remember it i keep a
really short dream when i was like i don't know like not i can do a better dream so like jarring
that you wake up right afterward i'm sure of course you have yeah yeah but like all the dream
it was the shortest dream i've ever had in my life, where it was just me getting ready for school,
and I was running out of the garage,
and it was just my mom being like,
Taylor, time to go.
Get out of here.
We're leaving.
And it was me, you know,
hitting the garage door thing to close it,
and then I would run through as it's closing,
as you always do.
And it was the entire dream.
It was, Taylor, come on.
We're leaving.
Let's go.
And then I hit it, and it goes,
and I run over. I, like, step on my own shoel was, Taylor, come on, we're leaving, let's go, and then I hit it, and it goes, and I run over, I, like,
step on my own shoelace, fall,
and the garage door cuts my head
off, and I die, and then I'm
just ahead, laying there, like, looking at the car
for a second, and then I woke up, just like, what the fuck?
Like, I'm not that afraid of school.
Like,
what else could it mean?
I had a dream that I was in a
convertible, like, Oldsmobile, like, an old one the other night, like, one of the boxy ones mean? I had a dream that I was in a convertible Oldsmobile,
like an old one the other night, like one of the boxy ones.
And I had a full car of people, and there was a grandma,
not my grandma, but just a granny in the backseat.
And we went under one of those old-timey roadside billboards,
the kind from Boardwalk Empire or something.
And I was like i was like
duck and everybody like ducked except for granny and it just cut her head clean the fuck off and i
look back and blood is just spurting out of her shoulders where her head used to be and i'm just
like ah and then there's cops behind us with the with the blue lights on i'm like
young man is this your grandmother's head?
I was like, we can't stop.
And so I just off-road through woods and bushes and stuff
and people are getting thrown from the vehicle
and just all kinds of
crazy, fucked up dreams that escalate.
It'll start off with some normal shit like we're at
Walmart and it'll end up being an alien attack
where the whole family's getting wasted.
I have crazy nightmares. They're often nightmares really i rarely get nightmares very very rarely
i mostly just don't remember my dreams for the most part i guess if there was a theme
it's that they're always very disjointed like when i do remember like the beginning part of
the dream will be like me, me and a friend, or
you know, whoever. Like, we're
gonna rob this bank. It's like, yeah.
Because we're gonna rob that bank.
And, like, halfway to the bank, like, with all the ski
stuff on, we'll be like, oh, like, there's guns here. Let's buy
guns. Hey, let's go fight ISIS.
It's like, yeah,
fuck that bank thing.
And it's just all over the place
to the, and eventually it just sort of ends you
know like uh yeah dennis says for his uh deep full penetration back to the lab full penetration
smell some crime like and then eventually just is over and it's always like a didn't get to come
feeling in my dreams because it's like it's it's never like yes we robbed that bank that was awesome we got
the money it's always like man i made a bunch of grand plans and got like 10 in 20 directions and
then woke up yeah yeah i have that a lot how often do you wake up during the night um
pretty often i guess like it's rare that i sleep through the night yeah i never sleep through the
night i wake up like three times throughout the night like like every single night it's really annoying i wish
i could go to sleep at like lately i've been going to sleep at like 11 p.m and waking up at
like 7 or 8 a.m i wish that i could just sleep that solid eight or nine hours or whatever and
get it over with but i wake up at like two and then again at four and then again at like six two four yeah are those all to pee yeah usually yeah yeah i i drink i drink constantly like i've
always got my my diet pepsis and like i got a gallon of sweet tea for thanksgiving and i've
been going through that pretty heavily i drank like a half a gallon of that last night i also
ate a half a gallon of ice cream this afternoon.
I love that fucking banana split ice cream.
It's my new favorite thing.
I ate a quarter of it.
I get a half gallon of it at a time, though, this bucket.
And whenever I get down to the last half, I just take the whole bucket into my bedroom.
It's in here somewhere.
Just take the whole bucket?
I ate the whole bucket.
It's so delicious.
It's wonderful.
Does it sound good? It's so delicious. It's wonderful.
It's called Banana Split Sundae. You don't
eat ice cream, though. I don't know what your deal is. It's too
cold. It sounds good,
but then I
start eating ice cream, and it's like,
this almost just hurts my teeth.
You know, like, the flavor's
good, but what is this? Is this
Kyle as a lady? Oh, a lady oh my oh yeah you're
i wish they could have gotten my upper lip completely clean for this i'd still fuck you
i definitely fuck female kyle female kyle's pretty hot yeah i'm liking it
female cow's pretty hot yeah i'm liking it female taylor would be an ugly bitch just a hairy broad-shouldered big head oh i'm glad you mentioned that because like i had a
dream the other night where i was um it was you and i and we were we were like secret agents
and uh and we were doing our russian accents and i was like I'm Dmitry and this is Sergei the Head
Gumanov. Like the head
was your gangster name.
You were Sergei the Head
Gumanov.
And you were like over there in a leather jacket
like slicked back hair
and everything.
Just mean mugging him. You were like, yes.
I am the head.
The head. Do you know why they call me this like, yes, I am the head. The head.
Do you know why they call me this?
It was a side from the obvious.
I head but Putin in amateur hockey league.
No one fuck with the head.
That was hilarious.
That is a weird ass dream.
Yeah, I woke up and I was laughing about the dream.
And then I was like driving to the store later in the day to get kitty stuff.
And I was like, the head.
That's pretty good Sergei the head Gumenov so yeah yeah if we ever we ever do a two-man like Russian
thing together like I'm Dmitry Potapov and you're Sergei the head Gumenov I like how your your brain
had the time to give me a UFC fighter name in the middle, but you didn't get one.
Ah, well, they knew me.
I was bringing you in.
Oh, okay.
This is the head, my associate.
My cousin.
We were cousins.
That was the deal.
That was the story.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, that's interesting.
Well, I hope we did a good job on our mission.
I think they got you.
I was okay. The head? Well, I mean we did a good job on our mission. I think they got you. I was okay.
The head?
Well, I mean, you're an easy target.
Easy target. They just popped you right away.
If I were one of those targets, like they used a silhouette of me at the gun range,
you know how it's usually like a certain score for the head?
Like they'd have to have it.
They'd have to be like, no, no, no, no.
Can't use that guy's cut. Man, I'm digging female.
Like, when I first looked at that, I was
like, who's this chick that looks like me?
I thought it was just a hot...
Man, my eyes are
just sparkling, right?
Your eyebrows
look nicer. Ah, yeah, they thinned
those up a bit and stretched them. Your nose
is nicer. Yeah.
Actually, I'm just gonna say all of this is nicer
because, of course, I prefer the female version.
Yeah.
Actually, where are you on this?
You know, I saw it, and I was like,
I would fuck her.
I'm like, does that make me gay?
Because I'm at like 300% already.
It's really gone off the charts.
It definitely doesn't make you gay
to want to fuck a fictional woman.
I'm going to send this to some girls.
They're going to love this.
This is hilarious.
I wonder how those would work if you have a beard.
I got it.
Did you just make you into a dwarf woman?
Yeah, well, if you look at her upper lip, it didn't work all that well.
No, they should have polished the rest of the hair off.
And the chin.
He's got like a little... You see it on the chin? All I rest of the hair off. And the chin. He's got a little...
You see it on the chin?
All I see is the stupid overlay.
I thought I saw stubble on the chin.
Yeah, there's a little stubble on the chin right under my lip.
Nice lips on that lady too.
They made the eyebrows nice.
They put some makeup on her.
She's done it pretty well.
She's a little bit of trainee vibe about
her but yeah yeah yeah well i mean you started with a with such a masculine man you know
that's true technology isn't there yet
that's really funny do they have them that go the other way where you could like take
like a girlfriend or someone and make them a guy and see what they would look like i like that
yeah that would be funny too chiz find that
i don't think he's in the call yeah i want to turn jackie into a man and see if Woody is like, oh. Better yet.
I feel a stirring
inside my soul that I'd never felt
before when I saw man Jackie.
That's when I knew she was
going to have to transition.
Yes.
Started sneaking.
And that's how I began sneaking
her testosterone.
We're having steak for dinner tonight.
I don't think it's a great show topic, but I'm very excited.
I don't have steak very often.
It's probably been two months.
Oh, big fan of steak.
I haven't had steak lately either.
Next time I do it, I'm going to reverse sear it.
You know, you bake it for like 230 degrees or something for a bit.
You get the inside temperature up to where it's supposed to be,
and then you sear it.
It's supposed to be like the best way to do it
if you've got a big, thick steak.
I don't know.
I usually do like that.
Does Jackie do that or the opposite?
I forget.
Does she sear the outside?
I forget.
Then bake it.
Yeah.
I've watched a lot of YouTube videos on this,
and my research tells me that reverse searing,
which is baking and then searing,
is the best way to make it juicy
and delicious.
I think that only matters if you've got a big,
thick, crazy steak.
That's what we used to do. Today's is just sirloin,
but usually it's filet.
I've got two entire fried turkeys
because my grandparents...
On actual Thanksgiving,
we went down to the...
My mom's side of the family in the
deep country part of missouri and she always my grandma and grandpa they tend to go
like everybody's like oh man my grandma makes so much food it's like no no there's not a fucking
grandma in this country that makes more food than my grandma i swear to. There were 10 people, 12 people total. She made four or five fried turkeys,
an entire beef tenderloin,
an entire beef prime rib.
Like, these are huge cuts of meat.
An entire ham.
And that's just the meat.
That's just the meat that was available.
It was enough.
If every single person there wanted to eat five pounds of meat we would have had leftovers so like the next day it sounds
like you've got room for one more person at the table i'm just saying yeah i have room for you
and your family and their friends but like and so as i was leaving my grandma's like oh taylor we
didn't even get to those last two turkeys you want to take those home with you and i'm like
yeah you mean just you're just gonna give me two entire deep fried turkeys yeah yeah for sure so
now i have enough turkey to last me until next thanksgiving i love deep fried turkey yes it's
so juicy and delicious i i'm when we get done here i'm making a big sandwich out of the turkey
i've got a bunch of her homemade bread.
Her homemade loaves of bread and rolls
that I'm using to make sandwiches.
It's not quite steak, but it's good.
Did she make cornbread dressing?
Yeah.
She made a couple different kinds of dressing.
Yeah, I'm a big fan of that.
Is there celery and onions in it?
I don't know.
I didn't watch her make it.
You can see it when you eat it, there's little green vegetables in there that's the celery.
I don't know, the meal was a blur.
I only ask because there's so many different ways to do stuffing or dressing and everybody's is different.
The way I do it is I make cornbread first and I crumble it up and I salt it.
Is your favorite thing always the turkey?
No.
My favorite thing is always the meat.
Nothing ever competes.
I really
really like the dressing
with the gravy on it. The gravy
is key to everything. Without the gravy
it would be the turkey but when you add
gravy that dressing and the mashed potatoes are so fucking good just just drowned in giblet gravy
and my mouth's watering i i love it i've got a i've got a jar of the gravy that i saved i got
my mother that's what my mother made she made gravy and like deviled eggs like i didn't want
her to have to really do anything so i do not like deviled eggs. We always have them at every event,
but it's a texture thing.
It's a gross, gross texture.
Same reason I don't like mashed potatoes.
All other potatoes are fine,
but mashed potatoes, it's a gross texture.
I'd rather have them diced or baked or anything like that.
No, I'm a big fan of mashed potatoes.
I put a ton of butter in there.
I mean a lot of butter, like a stick of butter.
I just squirt
a huge amount of sour cream in there, salt
and pepper, grate some American cheese
and then mash them all up with my potato
masher.
Sounds good. Yeah. Except not
mashed.
But all that butter, that'd probably make up
for it. It does. It does.
They're smooth and rich and delicious yeah i do twice baked potatoes right after like 30 seconds after we finish this because
all this talk is well you've got a steak sizzling up i hope so i'm afraid the crazy woman is going
to wait till the show is over to start cooking oh yeah the show has about 15 minutes left should i
ping her now and say you know yeah what would your thought be if you went up there
and the credits were playing
and nothing was done
or if it was cold
I'm kind of expecting that
what is the mother-in-law going to eat
because I can't imagine steak being a good meal
for someone who's
I think she's already fed
I don't know what she ate though
yeah you should ping her now
hey how's that fed. I don't know what she ate, though. Yeah, you should ping her now. Hey, how's that steak coming?
I'll say.
I'm trying to phrase it right.
I'll say 15 minutes minuets.
God damn, autocorrect.
I'll be done in 15.
Hope the steaks are, too.
Yeah, hope the steaks are, too. Yep, that's the way I would say it. Steaks in 15. Hope the steaks are too. Yeah, hope the steaks are too.
Yep, that's the way I would say it.
Steaks in 15, toots.
There's two different messages.
15 minutes left in the show.
I'm so hungry.
See that?
There you go.
I think that'll get it done.
Yeah, yeah.
I watched Walking Dead, and it was just retarded.
I don't even know what it was.
I saw it, and it didn't maintain my. I don't even know what it was. I saw it and it didn't
maintain my attention enough to
watch it.
Nothing happened.
Rick got locked up by the trash people.
He's naked in a container now because
he went in by himself for some reason.
The king
is crying
in his auditorium
like a pussy. Rick is unbelievably stupid. Theium like a pussy.
Rick is unbelievably stupid. The king is a pussy.
Carol has gone off on some... Everybody else, all the side characters,
have gone off on their own little side quests
for no apparent reason while leaving
their homeland completely undefended
during wartime.
Rick just went out and started a war
and Carl,
that chunky chick that they
try to act like isn't chunky the hot latina chick with the scar on her face michonne and daryl have
all went off on and carol have all went off on side quests instead of defending the home base
as far as i could tell daryl is just doing diving catches on everybody else's fuck-ups, right? Like they got away with the M2 browning or whatever it was.
The Carroll didn't stop.
So Daryl and Rick stopped that.
This week they got away with, I don't know what they were getting away with,
but out of nowhere Daryl plows into him from the side with a trash truck.
Oh, my God.
Duess Machina.
Is that?
I'm sure I pronounced it close.
Not even close. Oh kyle has it there is oh i can't read the words or anything yeah it says you know you
got the guy good getting blown up by the uh yeah rpg it with this terrible special effects and
then wait was that a real clip because walking dead might be good this time on the back of that truck.
And then, boom, lol, it's trash.
Yeah, it was a real clip from the show.
She shot a guy with an RPG
from 15 feet away
and just vaporized him.
She's holding the RPG at him and he goes,
you won't shoot.
And she shoots right on the spot.
It was kind of badass.
It was kind of badass. also kind of it was it was
kind of badass and as soon as he said that i was like she's gonna blow you the fuck up yeah yeah
somebody points an rpg at you you put your hands up you don't say i dare you be bad for her yeah
it's usually not good to shoot explosives at people 11 feet from you it honestly like like
if we're getting nitty-gritty it depends on what kind of warhead that specific RPG had on it.
But it's a TV show.
I like it when Kyle knows shit like this.
Like, oh, yeah, if it had like a S239, she'd be fine.
But if it had a S247.
If it was high explosive, like one of them that's meant for anti-personnel,
then she's dead.
But if it's an anti-armor one that's got a shape charge
in it that's meant to hit something and then
shoot a liquid jet of metal through armor
and then burn all the people inside of a tank
or armored vehicle... From that distance, though,
you could fill it full of
paint or silly putty and it would kill you.
Oh, yeah. He's dead, no matter what.
And, you know,
some of those, depending on if it's an old
RPG or a new RPG, they have different arming ranges.
Like, you know, some of them are, like the older ones, have no minimum distance.
So you could be running around with the thing, trip, fall, hit the ground, and it'll blow you up if the nose cone hits the ground.
It'll just explode on impact and you die.
But some of the newer ones, you know, it's 30 meters, 30 meters five you know it depends on the one there's
there's there's a whole bunch of different warheads for those rpgs uh rpg sevens it doesn't matter
though it looks it looks silly what happened like like yeah that was the point is it's stupid and
yeah no matter what round they had about it wouldn't have done that yeah there's nothing
they could have put in there the whole show done that. The whole show is dumb.
What they needed to do was take last season and this season and make it one season.
If the first eight episodes were showing how beaten down
Rick and his crew were,
and the next eight episodes were them fighting back,
because they split it into a mid-season finale,
that would have been a nice thing.
But to take 16 episodes and turn it into 32,
everyone's just talking about how garbage it is.
Oh, yeah.
Ratings are down to season two levels.
Man, I hope the show dies.
I really hope it dies.
I guess.
Yeah.
Let it die.
I heard Orville is good.
I heard that, too.
What is Orville?
Is that a new show?
Orville is a sci-fi Star Trek-type show has seth mcfarlane uh as the captain
of this starship it's not star trek um and the consensus seems to be from that it's better than
the fox i i haven't seen it i'm going into it expecting a star trek parody because they look
like star trek that's what people expect is a comedic parody.
But it turns out, apparently, from what I've read, is what you get is a good Star Trek type show.
It looks like Galaxy Quest.
It's not funny.
It's comedy, though.
I've got to see it.
There's a whole season done.
It's definitely going to be a comedy.
It's got Seth MacFarlane in it.
It's not.
I mean, no.
Kyle's saying no. Have you already seen it, Kyle? I haven't seen it, but I've read about it a comedy. It's got Seth MacFarlane in it. It's not. I mean, no. Have you already seen it, Kyle?
I haven't seen it, but I've
read about it a lot. It's not like
a... Alright, so Galaxy Quest.
Have you ever seen that with Tim Allen
and Sigourney Weaver? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a bad movie.
That is a comedy. That is just
a silly, ridiculous Star Trek
parody comedy. This is not
that. This is not that outlandish
ridiculousness. This is like an actual Star Trek
show that has some laughs in it, from what I
understand. Galaxy Quest would have been a
much better movie if they had stayed with the
R rating like they initially meant
to be. There's a part where you can see
Alec Ritman saying, fuck, but it's, you know,
they just dub over or something
like that. That's got a great cast. It's
Alan Rickman, Sigourney Weaver, Tim Allen.
It was supposed to be
an R-rated adult Star Trek
parody that was funny.
They neutered it in the end.
My friend just got kicked.
Paramotor thing. It's hot off the presses.
My friend got
permission to fly at this field. He doesn't have
a big yard. He has a normal house.
He has to go to a farmer
and say, hey, can I fly where you are and she said yes right so it goes there she says
yeah you can fly here whatever anyway he just writes I just lost my best local
flying site because in quotes you got to be out of your ducking mind if you think
I'll let you fly that from my land. I don't care what my wife said. Some crackpot lawyer will get your wife
everything I have.
When you die on that thing,
get out of here.
My friend was trying to talk to him,
shake his hand or whatever.
He would not shake his hand.
Another guy was writing,
that would have been fighting terms for me.
He's like, I thought that might happen.
He nearly ran over his wing with a car. To be fair well not the running over with a car but like if someone asked
me hey do you mind if i fly around on this machine on your property where you're kind of liable for
it i'd be like abs no you're not allowed to do that if i see you doing it i'm calling the police
like no i'm not gonna watch you break both your femurs and then i'm on the hook for it like when
i find out that this person that i just met actually isn't that cool or they have a vindictive wife that's going to be litigious.
Like there's a lot of stuff that could go wrong.
I just had my friend.
My friend launched from my yard today.
I had him sign a waiver first.
There's like a standard thing.
And I wasn't sure if I was being a dick or not, but it's almost like it's not even about you, right?
Like your next of kin might, you know, be the issue almost like it's not even about you, right? Your next of kin
might be the issue.
And it's about protecting yourself.
If he catches a bad wind and
flies into the side of your house
like a cartoon character,
he slides
through the east sunroom.
His body swings through the windows
and he dies on your pool table.
There's no eastern sunroom, silly head.
Southeast.
There is a southern sunroom.
He hits the sunroom, and his body flies through it,
and he's laying there sprawled out on the pool table,
skewered by a pool stick.
You know, like that's that.
Yeah, I just thought, because he got permission.
And actually, people tend to, to my surprise, more than half say yes.
If you ask him and you're nice and you say, hey, you know, I want to do this, there's no damage to your yard.
I'm just foot launching.
I run 30 steps and then fly away.
They're usually like, yeah, that thing's cool.
And they're happy to see the show.
But in this case, I guess the wife said yes and the guy caught him in the act i don't care
what she says you're gonna kill yourself and like yeah yeah but so i had people sign waivers before
they launch here there's a yeah that's what you can get online i've signed many a waiver before i
get to go do things that i've done on other people's property. A lot of times they're like, no matter what
you do, even if it isn't your
fault, if I fuck up
and you die, it's not on me.
If my employees fuck up and you die,
it's not on me. I'm like, well,
tell them to be careful, I guess.
Yeah. I want to do
this thing, so I guess I'll sign
anything. I'll sign anything.
Well, I really want to shoot hogs out of
this helicopter so yeah yeah i accidentally catch a bullet in the back of the head you know yeah my
family won't come after you yeah i just i don't know if it's interesting but just fix my paramotor
i had my first mechanical issue with it ever the starter basically when you disassemble it there's
a spring in there that holds this clutch together
and it came apart and I was really bummed because I like flying a lot. And when, I don't know if
you guys are like this or have anything like this, but even if it was like bad weather and I couldn't
fly, knowing that it's sitting there broken in pieces bothers me. I don't like that at all.
So, uh, Aviator PPG got me one and, and you know like instantly mailed off a warranty part
but it wasn't coming till thursday like thursday the fuck you know like i can't live that long
really i'm 44 i should be able to wait like five days but it turns out that's not the case
no you're 44 it's like i don't have the time to wait yeah yeah like the way you think it's
ticking down so i bought the wrong part on amazon had
it overnighted here disassembled that starter took like cannibalized and i made a new starter
and it worked great and i was i was neat i learned a new skill so uh it turned out super cool and i
flew tonight so did you uh did you send a second nagging text of like how is the steak coming you know i i it
says grumble grumble grumble i'm like sorry that was my belly and she hasn't replied to any of
these messages uh yeah so so far she should i call her she's probably cooking the steak she
probably is and the show ends in like four minutes,
so it almost doesn't matter at this point.
What kind of side item will come along with the steak?
It might be a Thanksgiving leftover,
like this cranberry thing that we have.
They'll certainly be a vegetable.
We have potatoes, but I tend not to eat them
because I'm still trying to lose weight.
Potatoes are not helping that cause.
But they're so good.
Yes.
I love potatoes.
Yeah, it might be my favorite food
because they do so many things.
They're fantastic.
The baked potatoes I like a lot.
Roasted potatoes I liked a lot.
These would be mashed potatoes hypothetically.
Good, but actually
I think that's the third best kind of potato
at best.
Maybe.
The diced up and roasted is the best kind.
My favorite kind is fried. I want to make my own
French fries. My second favorite...
Yeah, I forgot about
that kind. I forgot French fries were
made from potatoes.
My second favorite is the twice-baked potato.
That's, of course, when you bake the potato and then you gut the potato
and you take all the innards out and you mix it with a ton of sour cream and butter and cheese
and chopped up bacon that you just cooked.
And then you mix all that together until it's homogenous.
And then you stuff it back into the potato, cover it in cheese,
and then bake it for 15 more minutes.
That is definitely my favorite kind.
That's a little too Frankenstein-y.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, this is delicious.
Yeah, Taylor, Taylor.
Stay in your lane, Taylor.
There's a potato expert talking.
We're just here to listen.
Do you hear me tell him where he should take off from?
Do you hear me tell him where he should take off from?
Right?
Talking to him about wind veins and shit.
No.
There are times when you just listen.
And one of those times is when Kyle talks to potatoes.
About twice-baked potatoes, yeah.
Absolutely.
I've got this thing down pat.
They're fucking delicious.
They go off without a hitch.
It's just amazing, amazing potatoes.
I'm a big fan. Food is my favorite thing.
It's way up there.
I think if it was food
or sex, I'd go with the food.
Wait, are you talking about
in the moment? No, no, no.
Forever. But what would
18-year-old Kyle have gone with?
I don't know. I don't know. But here would be the decision. Either you get 18 year old Kyle have gone with. Probably.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But,
but here's what would be the decision.
Either,
either you get,
I don't know all the sex you want,
whatever kind you want,
however that works,
but you have to eat like flavorless gruel,
like oatmeal with nothing in it for the rest of your life or it's only masturbation for you and
you get a smorgasbord of anything you desire every single day one of those situations you're horny
and fat the other one you just after a couple years you're going to get used to the gruel and
it'll just be part of your life it'll just be like oh here's your protein gruel here's your
carb gruel here's your fat rule or whatever i i will say it all up that's this is the guy who masturbates and eats really well like do i get a
fedora with that lifestyle you know it's how many years until you fucking kill yourself as you look
at another delicious plate of something that you've eaten a hundred times that year already
you know and you're just wanting some companionship
think about it like sex is the correct option there.
I don't know.
If you remove sex from your entire outlook in life,
you might be fantastically more successful.
First of all, you get yourself a man companion now
because there's no sex, right?
You can find someone who's sensible and not prone to...
I'm bumping you 10% for this. Carry on.
I'm just saying
you remove the sex and then like a man is definitely a better companion than a woman
right like like sheer wardrobes he's gonna be more sensible he's gonna he's gonna bring financial
yeah he can help you carry things he doesn't need any help with carrying things you know
do his own thing i don't know if i'd rather have a like hypothetically like gruel would
i rather have a guy roommate or like a wife because she you get to keep your how about this
you get to keep your wife but just no more sex with her oh i follow but i i was kind of transitioning
to the because i think you said hey if there's no sex i'd rather have a guy i'm gonna call him a
wife you know yeah and i'm like i don't know because the guy wife certainly would be good at certain things right he might be more adventurous he might uh i don't know he'd certainly
be better carrying things and wardrobe and what have you but there's a certain like the fact that
we're not the same and complement each other's weaknesses that works out well in the whole
marriage scenario too oh yeah but... What about a gay guy?
No.
Yeah.
Now what's the point in that?
I don't know.
He might compliment your weaknesses and you know what?
My wardrobe would certainly improve.
Oh shit, yeah.
Now this is what you need.
You just solved all your problems.
You want to just eat bonbons,
masturbating with your gay partner all day. How do you not see
the scenario you're spelling out is the incorrect one? Well, I'm going to be jacked out of my mind
on my protein gruel with pussy. Pussy for days. Hey, Taylor, don't you wish you could have a bite
of this chocolate ice cream? Oh, I got six girls sucking my dick right now. What are you saying?
What are you talking about? Oh, man, that ice cream does look pretty good got six girls sucking my dick right now. What are you saying? What are you talking about?
Oh, man, that ice cream does look pretty good.
You're getting heavy, Kyle.
Yeah.
Hey, you know what guy should be your roommate in this situation? Me.
Because then every day you can look out
and go, what's he doing? Oh, he's fucking
on the couch again with his goddamn
gruel.
You know?
We need separate couches. Is that l goddamn gruel you know we need separate couches is that loop gruel
it comes in every kind i didn't know that was part of the bargain
can't change your answer enjoy your fucking ice cream cake
well ice cream cake pkn 171 i'm hungry as fuck yeah all right