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go oh uh pkn episode something chis is doing the production this time 209 yeah no uh no no
sponsors over here but i've got got an interesting uh thing i thought about today what are some of
the misconceptions you had about sex or maybe women or something like that when you were a
child because i was thinking about this moment when I was playing Little League.
I don't know how old I was.
Maybe 11.
And I was sitting on the, maybe 12.
Probably 11.
I was sitting on the bench with my other players.
You know, we were at bat.
And there's plenty of time to kill.
You're just sitting there talking.
And someone brought up that Asian ladies, vaginas, went the other way.
I've heard that.
They were across rather than...
In earnest?
Yes.
These were 11-year-old children.
Fair enough.
He was like, Asian girls' pussies don't go that way.
They go the other way.
So when you spread their legs, it gets tighter.
And I was like...
I never heard that little conspiracy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was like... Okay never heard that little conspiracy get tacked on. And I was like...
Okay, I see the logic.
And 11-year-old me is kind of like...
It's always sunny
when they're talking about fire
making smoke turn into stars.
I'm like,
I don't know enough about pussy
to dispute this right now.
It's like he's doing physics experiments.
He's like,
see, the rubber band,
when pushed forward,
very open.
When tightened,
like an Asian vagine, very tight. He he's a balloon like the way they explain wormholes and like paper and
pencils and all those movies now you can't go straight through it you must what was that movie
uh that i watched on your recommendation uh what's the distance yeah event horizon he's like no it's
actually through this paper and it's like this doesn't make any goddamn sense and all these scientists are buying that yeah yeah no and i was
sitting there and and i was and like someone else was like yeah i heard that too my uncle told me
and i was like oh we've got a corroborating adult and i started thinking like and i'm 11 so there's
no way to research this right there's no internet there There's no way I can go and be like asianpussies.org and figure this shit out.
So I don't know how long it was before I figured out that all vaginas are the same because we're all human fucking beings, right?
But, you know, because I didn't have any interaction with Asian people.
I'm from a small town in Georgia.
There weren't Asians there at this point.
You said there were no Asians and no Jews or and no,
well, I guess blacks there because it's Atlanta. Tons of blacks. Yeah. That's about it.
Yeah. Yeah. It's just blacks and whites. Blacks and whites. And Hispanics, of course, like those three makeup, especially like through my childhood, like I was a man grown,
like I've said before, before I met a Jewish person. And while, and I met Asian people as a child, like, I had a pediatrician who was Dr. Kwan, which I think is, I don't know, Vietnamese or Korean, I really don't know which.
But, yeah, I hadn't.
When I hear Asian-named doctors, I trust them.
So what are some of the misconceptions that...
I thought that the pussy was, like, you know where your dick comes out?
Yeah.
I thought that's where the pussy was.
And so, like, I'd watched porn and I'd seen it in magazines and stuff,
but I still remember the first time I reached my hand down a girl's pants
when we were, you know, fooling around.
I was like, lower?
Okay.
Even lower than this?
Wow.
This is just your asshole.
This is just right next to your asshole.
Like, there's a fingernail's worth of flesh separating this.
Like, that's when I understood that saying of, like, yeah, you can grab it like a six-pack.
Because you're like, you can throw both fingers in there.
That blew me away.
I had the same experience, right?
But I was more of an asshole.
Because I'm, like, 12 years old maybe, right? But I was more of an asshole because I'm like 12 years old maybe, right?
I don't know.
And this is back in the day.
There's no internet,
but my friend had a computer.
So on his computer,
programs were hard to come by.
You couldn't just download them.
There wasn't a,
like BBSs kind of exist,
but they were so slow.
Big deal.
He had a program
that had in like this green and black
outline a guy fucking a girl right okay and there's nothing uh but not stick figures like
like silhouettes silhouettes thank you that's what i'm looking for right a guy and a girl and
then it's missionary or something and he's fucking here but you can see the dick go in
and i'm like this doesn't even look real like it's way higher than that and he's fucking her but you can see the dick go in and i'm like this doesn't even look
real like it's way higher than that and he had a little sister who came in and she's like no
that's about right and in my head i'm like no but i'm also processing it like
she probably knows more about this topic than me yet I'm so confident the pussy is kind of on the front.
So, of course, you ask her to prove it.
She's like nine.
No, I didn't do that.
I know I'm 12, but still.
I hear you.
All right.
Hey, half your age and add seven, you are in the clear, my friend.
I like the idea of you trying to explain to her
that when she becomes a woman,
her vagina will slowly move up the front.
That's why old women wear their pants so high.
Exactly.
By the time you're 60, it's up here somewhere.
The foods get lower, the pussy gets higher.
But that was one of those misconceptions that as soon as it was revealed to you and you thought about it for half a second, you're like, oh, this is the only way that does make sense.
You know, like I disagree.
No.
You think it would have made sense to have it like just where your dick is?
It would work.
It would make sense.
I mean, just you could totally genetically engineer a being with their pussy there.
Right.
And just make the canal on the inside.
Do something different.
I feel like it's straightforward. I could get that canal on the inside do something different, I feel like. I could even fuck straight forward.
I could get that done.
Let me ask you this.
Would you like, is there any other positioning for the vagina that you would prefer?
Or the asshole?
Would you like the asshole a little farther away from the vagina?
Yeah, why don't we put, rotate the asshole back a bit, rotate the pussy forward a bit,
create some separation of those zones.
What goes in between?
Same thing we got, you same thing just a big creepy
perineal yes oh yeah but see if you do that consider this asshole and pussy right now are
perfectly placed for doggy style yeah if you move it front no more doggy style at least not vaginally
all the wall fucking like they do in the movies finally works right if the asshole is like like
right at the top of her ass crack and the pussy is like right below her belly button that you can
look then you can just stand up look you're gonna stand right in front of her or behind her and and
go to town she's got like all of her bikini bottoms have half a clam like just they have to
wear those like fat woman uh you know bikinis or
whatever they're called they come up to their cab or it was on the front what if it was normal for
people to fuck like an x or something you know like you could you could do different things
oh like like like this like across another oh right now you can't really 69 fuck but you could
switch around and put your head by her ankles if you wanted.
You could still 69 if you moved the pussy forward.
She'd just have to reposition herself.
69 fuck, though.
Like, you could swap around and have your feet by her head and vice versa.
Oh, no, I don't.
You're really into, like, foot fetish stuff, right?
So I lay on my back, her feet are in my face,
and she's essentially doing push-ups
on top of my dick.
Oh, you're on the top in this scenario?
I was on the top.
No, I'm on the bottom.
I'm always on the bottom when you're 69ing.
That's pretty traditional, isn't it?
It's fucking 69.
There's no tradition set on this.
We're here to break new ground.
I mean, it's fucking 69.
It's like fucking 69.
I'm with you.
I get what you're saying.
I meant to show you guys this video on the last show, but it got lost in the shuffle.
I linked it, and then we switched to a different topic.
This, and then imagining this.
Yeah, this is really funny.
Imagining, you can play it right, Chiz.
That can be done.
Chiz is recording the show.
I don't know if we mentioned that.
You were talking about like 69ing this imaginary belly button pussy.
And I was imagining how that would put her feet right in your mouth.
Doesn't really appeal to me so much.
But this man right here, I'm going to tell you, that's his dream fucking come true.
I'm cute as zero.
I'm ready.
We slide back to zero.
Ready, set, play.
All right, man in a white truck really giving hell to those feet.
The woman's like on Facebook on her phone.
Bro, what you doing?
Choking on it.
I love that they gave him shit for it
that's my favorite part
I saw this video in gif form
before but the audio is
see now
riddle me this
look at that and we laugh and we make fun
and I agree but
I'm sure we've all gotten roadhead
before
you wouldn't make fun of someone who
you saw getting roadhead you'd be like oh hell yeah good for that guy if they were if they were
standing up in their seat with their dick out and the lady was driving and she's just like
well that's just right in full view like if he put his head down like in the seat somehow and
got a toe in his mouth, I wouldn't care.
And I'm not—and his technique is a bit worrisome, right?
Like, he is choking on that foot like he's sucking the biggest cock ever.
Oh, yeah.
You know, maybe there's something Freudian there.
Maybe he's imagining a cock.
I don't believe in the Freudian thing.
I think he's just going full force. I think he loves that. And she
is not an attractive lady, by the way, for those of you who may or may not be just listening to
this. He has her entire foot in his mouth, like all the toes, all the toes are in there.
Yeah. And like, this is the kind of woman that if you offered me $500 to suck her foot like that,
I'd have to politely decline. How much did it take?
Yeah, how much did she need?
You ever lick a lady's feet?
I never have.
I've never been asked, and that's never been my thing.
Have you ever been with a girl who liked that,
who propositioned you to do it?
I think it's funny.
I've definitely done it, but not really like,
oh, yeah, now I'm going to do this.
More of like a funny moment during sex. Like Two funny things that I like to do during sex. One, if they know who Wings of Redemption is,
I'll be making out with them and I'll be rubbing the small of their back with my fingernails.
And it really does get a good response. That's not a bad move. Yeah.
It's not, but it's Wings' move. It's his signature move. And if they go, hmm, or they express some pleasure in that, I'm like, yeah, that's the Wings of Redemption technique.
And then immediately it snaps in their head like, yes, that is his technique.
And we just crack a plan.
Call this the Wings of Conception.
He grew out his fingernails just for that move.
Yeah. Yeah, but then the other thing is like if we're in bed and like you know you I'm on top and I have her feet kind of pulled up so that they're basically like like by my ears or something like that
Sometimes I'll just like stick stick a toe in my mouth just to crack her up and make her stop start laughing because it's so absurd
It's so ridiculous. You know, we're not really into that sort of yeah, but you're more like teasing making jokes
If what would you what would your reaction be, is if you were with a girl, you really liked her a lot,
and the first time you were going to fuck, she admitted that she was really into feet.
Not just you sucking her feet, mind you, her sucking your feet.
Oh, I'd be down for that.
You'd be down for that.
You don't think that would be ticklish and uncomfortable.
All right, I'll tell you, I've had a girl suck my toes one time,
and she was going full
force down there and it wasn't sexual but it was very pleasurable like this is the way my dogs lick
my toes right now imagine someone who knows what they're doing and they're not just trying to get
the sweat off right they're not just looking for the salt. Yeah. You know, Buddy takes great offense to this.
It feels really good.
It doesn't feel sexual at all.
Like, it's not a sexual thing.
It's more like a foot massage or a back massage or something like that,
where there's nothing sexual about it necessarily,
but it's definitely pleasurable.
It's definitely a fun thing to have done,
although it is a bit degrading.
So you have to find a chick who's just into it,
because you wouldn't want to be, like,
you don't want someone to do anything with you they're not into, right?
Degrading to be the foot sucky, you mean?
I think the sucker is degrading. No, it's not degrading for me.
You're sucking my toe, bitch.
I was talking to a guy at work.
And he was telling me that his wife really loves it when he scrunches her ears.
And you just kind of
like squeeze them and like i did that the wrong way just you know scrunch them up like that
so i was like all right that's a move okay so next time i'm fucking jackie i scrunch up her
ears and she's like whoa what are you doing john mcdonough's wife loves this how do you know she immediately pops you in the nose
i was like we were talking about it i like no more and she's like nah that one's not for me
i hope you're not telling john mcdonough what i like well trying to help
uh do you like getting your ears licked no or bitten or nibbled upon? I don't mind the ears nearly as much as this area
of the neck where they often go, because there's just a response I get there. We're just like,
no, no. Same with anything nipple-related, my nipple-related I'm talking about. I hate it.
It is so, it's not just neutral, it's actively unpleasant about. I hate it. It's not just neutral, it's actively unpleasant
and I hate it.
What do you call it when someone has like a-
A pet peeve?
Something they won't do in the bedroom. I can't think of it. That's mine. The nipple
thing, I have told so many girls, no, not that. Because girls have tried to pinch them,
girls have tried to, licking is okay, although it's incredibly intense. It's just, it's very, it's a weird ticklish sort of, I don't feel comfortable with this kind of thing.
It's not a good intense. You can barely feel it. 10 being she takes it off. She bit it at about a four. And I cocked back to punch her.
Like, I was, like, there was just a visceral self-defense reaction where I was, I screamed no.
But I was already here in case she bit down harder.
And I was ready to clock her.
It was way too much.
Not into that at all.
But it's the worst feeling.
I think it's the worst feeling on my body that i wouldn't accept a little kissing or licking or
what have you kissing and licking or one thing i'm talking about biting motherfuckers well yeah
i hear you i've reduced it to nibbling there are areas that are a cock bite
a cock but see i don't want any not just biting i don't i don't want
in woody's mind your penis was the aggressor I don't know why I was so stuck on this idea. Like, how does this guy fight things?
I don't get it at all.
In Woody's mind, your penis was the aggressor. Like it opens up like Pac-Man.
Or like in porn where you see those guys' dick holes that are just horrible looking.
You know, where it's like, what happened here?
Like, I've peed my whole life and I I've, like, looked at my own dick hole.
It's closed.
It's a closed opening.
These are terrible.
It looks like.
Does it unnecessarily go too high and too low?
Your dick hole is too long, my friend.
It can be weird.
It's mangled like a worn-out butthole or something.
Yeah, not into that.
Yeah, being bitten insects, I do not care for.
And I'm not much of a biter myself. But have you ever had it where you're fucking a girl really hard and you know her head is around here and she'll like muffle herself on your shoulder or
like bite you have you had that yes i because i've had that had that, like using the Kyle scale of bites. This was like a nine to the point that like for a second, I'm like, she'll let go soon.
And then like a little panic set in where it's like, she's going to take off part of my delt here.
And I was like, no, no, you got to stop.
No, don't do that anymore.
No more of that.
Like a little serious move.
I've definitely known girls who liked biting.
Listen to you, what's your name?
I've had enough of that. Listen to you, so a little serious more. I've definitely known girls who liked biting. Listen to you, what's your name? I've had enough of that.
Listen to you, so-and-so.
Don't think there aren't
nine more of you on Tinder that I could get
tomorrow. Only nine.
No, I like being the
biter, but not the bite-y.
I don't want them biting me, but I'm down to bite them.
But not, of course, again,
like, my thing about sex is, I saw this thing on
Reddit the other day, and it said something like, if both people don't enjoy it, it's not S&M,
you're an asshole. And I was like, yeah, that's absolutely right. If both people aren't into S&M,
if there isn't a sadist and a masochist, then you're an asshole. And I feel the same way
about biting. I'm down to do some biting. See, biting isn't bad if you do it on like the,
well, if she likes it, I'm fine with it. But like it only on the necessary areas, I would think,
the ear, the nipples, maybe a little pussy area action, you know, inside of the thigh,
that kind of shit. Like biting some titties. I want to lay this out. Yeah, that's fun.
What if Kyle doesn't like biting people, but she likes being
bit? Now, in my opinion, that
doesn't make her an asshole.
It just means, look,
suck it up and bite a little bit.
I think Kyle's point was that it would make
Kyle an asshole if Kyle liked
biting, but she didn't like
biting. So he was like, sorry, this is
going to happen. If the sadist is the one who's doing the things, but the person who's supposedly a masochist is
more or less just taking punishment for their partner that they don't enjoy.
There's grades on this thing, right? What if Kyle's wildly in defeat, right? That's his thing.
And it just, his life wouldn't be complete if once a month or so he didn't fuck that space
between her feet when she put him together i would say baby suck it up that's not sadistic
though that's just a fetish right like like yeah snm would be if i wanted to like hang her upside
down and cane her and she's just like okay all right most ridiculous example originally
if i want to get caned i'll go spit gum on the ground in singapore All right. I'm the most ridiculous example. Originally, this was restricted to SNM.
If I want to get caned, I'll go spit gum on the ground in Singapore.
I'm not going to do that.
How did we get that this is restricted to just SNM?
Yeah, I mean, I was just talking about a comment I read on Reddit that said, you know, if both partners aren't into the SNM that's happening, then the sadist is an asshole.
That's all I'll say.
Now I'm on the same page.
Originally, I didn't know that it had to be SNM. I thought it was just an act that's all i'll say but now i'm on the same page originally i
didn't know that it had to be snm i thought it was just an act that wasn't no no because as you
always say not everything's going to be your favorite thing now bend over you little girl
i think that's what you say uh yeah yeah you know bend over girl i'll give you a say when you grow
pubes that's yeah that's the whole i was i was actually at a sex store this past weekend with uh with my chick and i saw a sex swing there but it was not the kind that i imagined
kyle had i think you've actually shown like the apparatus before on the show it's like a
freestanding thing yeah it's in the middle of a room on its own the one they had there was like
something i could take down my pull-up bar and like put it in the middle of a door
Yeah, and I'm like this
Like I don't trust this. No, so I wanted to ask you is that
Just hold off until I have room for a freestanding one hold off indeed
So honestly if you don't have room for the freestanding one the stand alone for the freestanding one is 250 or 300 dollars
Something like that and it's very big.
Imagine it.
Okay, you're imagining it.
Twice that big.
Okay.
It's huge.
It's bigger than a squat stand, a squat rack.
That's huge.
Because my answer was this.
It was, hey, you know, I know Taylor's real estate shopping.
One of these days, a room will be devoted to the home gym.
He'll have a squat rack in there,
and the sex stand will hang off that sturdy, sturdy squat rack.
It doesn't work in a squat rack because there's just not enough room
for you both to get in there
because she's got to be hanging from a central point.
And there's another piece of equipment that she gets in
that's the part that holds her, and that attaches to the stand.
So what you want is this. You want to go up into your get a stud finder and find the stud in your
ceiling and just drill a hole in there and put a heavy duty lag bolt in there and you're done
now you can just completely unhook your sex swing and go about your day and you don't need to spend
300 on a sex swing stand you can just have that eye hookup in your ceiling, which when you're not fucking chicks dangling from it, you can put something else. Maybe hang a heavy bag.
A potted plant.
No, a heavy bag.
Do you have that option? Or is that something you wish you did instead of getting the freestanding
one?
I haven't had that option in the past. I do right now. I could do it here. But like at the last house that I was
at in in before I moved to Atlanta, I really couldn't do that there without like damaging
the walls or the ceiling where I was. I didn't I didn't know much about what was in there.
But in any case, that would be my recommendation to someone who wants a sex room. They're fun.
They work out nicely, but don't get the one that hangs from a door because like I don't know how
many YouTube videos I've seen of someone trying to do pull-ups on a door and breaking their door frame off and
i can't imagine the sexual injuries that you that could take place if the thing were to break off
and the chick were to fall from head like weight like chest height from naked you know ass first
on the hardwood floor or a nice broken tailbone onto like one of your like um, onto like one of your like what are these dumbbell things called?
The kettlebells. Kettlebells. What if she falls
ass first on a kettlebell and like
Well of course I'll tactically place those
below her before we begin.
Welcome to the danger zone.
You know, sticks, knives.
Oh, the risk makes it more exciting.
See, because like right now
all I've got is like more of like the basic bitch bondage kind of stuff. See, because right now, all I've got is more of the basic
bitch bondage kind of stuff.
Whereas, you know, I think I could
really expand my horizons, get something more exciting.
You have one of those kits,
the bed bondage kit,
where the straps go under the mattress
and there's
wrist cups and ankle cups.
Yeah, I have that. Yeah, that's excellent.
That's great. They're like 40. The good ones are 40, the cheap ones are 15 to 20. And that's definitely the and ankle cups. Yeah, I have that. Yeah, that's excellent. That's great.
The good ones are $40.
The cheap ones are $15 to $20.
And that's definitely the way to go.
Yeah, it must have been one of the good ones then because it was like the first price you said.
Yeah.
It's not like you're not blowing anyone away with the quality,
but it's like how much do you need?
Reasonably comfortable restraints.
And I have a mattress around my Casper mattress.
Well, now that we're all,
maybe some of our listeners are a bit turned on right now,
they might be tempted to go out for some risky sex.
Maybe.
It feels like an ad segue.
It does, right?
This is a come to Jesus moment.
That's what this is.
Apparently there's a new sexually transmitted disease,
which is making the rounds in the
UK.
It's usually found in far flung tropical countries.
And there have been no previous cases of it there.
But now it's in the UK.
It's called the donovanosis.
It's called donovanosis.
Donovanosis.
Donovanosis.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's probably it.
I can't go with my pronunciation. Oh,osis. Donovanosis. Thank you. Yeah, that's probably it. I'm going to go with my pronunciation.
Oh, I like, yeah.
I think you nailed it.
And basically what happens if you're infected with this, you get these, first is a fleshy
red ulcer that bleeds when touched.
First.
First.
We start with that.
Is this on your genitals?
Yes.
On your asshole, balls, dick, and vagina.
If you have all three, if you're lucky enough.
And it's a red bleeding ulcer that when touched, yeah, yeah, it bleeds when touched.
And second, this is what comes next, a dry ulcer with a raisined, uneven, I love this
language, uneven edge.
This is known as the hypertrophic or varicose type. And then comes a necrotic infection
that is deep and foul smelling and can cause severe damage to the tissues.
And they call this a nasty bug. Like, oh, no, this is a terrible disease,
it sounds like. This isn't a bug.
How rare is this, though?
Well, I think it's quite rare.
But just knowing that it's out there, right?
Yeah, there's really no such thing as a real rare STD, because it's going to proliferate.
It's going to spread.
Yeah, and here's the problem with this one.
Chiz just pointed out that it's an STI, a sexually transmitted infection, not a virus.
And so it can be cured with antibiotics. However, the issue is this. It appears like a razor bump or something
like that, something that you might commonly get down there if you're trimming up. It looks like
an ingrown hair. And then it starts getting worse and worse and worse and it might be too late by the time you get to a doctor
you might have lost some flesh down there i mean really though like razor bumps aren't bleeding
and seeping stuff to the touch you know that's true but but what if it were like on your taint
and and you just didn't notice it right like i don't know how often you get a good look at your
butthole but like pretty rare for me every other thursday yeah every thursday well you know i check yours
and you check mine right before the show and uh yeah 100 track record so far no granulomas so good
so far so good but but not everyone is is as health conscious as you and i are they don't
have a butthole partner right and we've got we've got matching cock rings that have our anyway. Well, to be fair,
mine has your initials,
yours has my initials. Exactly, yeah.
People always ask, what's the KLM
mean? I say, don't you worry, you're a pretty little head.
I love that on It's Always Sunny
when Frank had the metal cock ring, you can
hear it fall off in the bar.
Ting, ting, ting, ting.
Have you ever used those things?
Yeah, I like cock rings,
but I don't like the metal ones.
I definitely want like a rubber one.
Yeah, I tried a metal one once
and I think that lasted all of 15 seconds for it.
It's like this has gone from unpleasant to actively painful.
I'm going to throw this away.
Most people don't know how to use them.
They just put it around their dick.
But that's not what you do.
You go around the dick and the balls.
You get the whole unit there.
And basically...
You didn't know that?
Most people don't.
Taylor looks confused.
Oh, the rubber ones I've used like that around the balls.
But the metal ones, there's no fucking way that's getting around your that's true the metal one well there's two
different kinds of metal ones but yeah there's definitely some of them that just go around your
cock and there's some of them that you're supposed to i've never used one of these things what does
it do uh it helps uh keep blood in your penis so that if there's any downtime in the bedroom you're
not going to lose your erection and it makes for a harder, more powerful erection.
I love when people are like, I don't have any problems with my dick, bro. It gets hard
as a rock. And I'm like, have you ever tried a
fucking Viagra? Because it'll turn to a diamond.
Bitch.
Stop being so caught up in your masculinity that you
can't imagine being any better
at sex than you already are.
I was gonna actually take pictures
of the wall at this sex shop
because Rhino 50k was
but one offering that they had.
And I even made a joke to the lady
there. I'm like, oh, I see you have all the
bootleg dick pills. And she goes, yep.
If I'm being honest, it's all just Viagra.
And I was like, yeah.
Yeah, a friend of mine told me that, that he got the
lightheadedness, the eyes weren't working right.
And she's like, yep, that's why, it's Viagra.
Headaches, the whole thing.
Yeah, I got to say, it felt like there was something in there
that gave me a hangover, too.
I felt like it didn't work.
Some of them didn't work, some of them do, right?
So the last batch I got, oh my God, oh my God.
And thinking that maybe there's a trace amount of Viagra,
I took two, right?
I want to get a full dose of whatever's the good shit.
Performed very well in the bedroom.
But afterwards, I was like, you got to go.
She's like, what?
I was like, I've got the worst headache.
I can't even open my eyes right now and look at the lights.
She's like, what lights?
I was like the one down the hallway that's coming in here a little bit. I was like, I got to go to sleep. And like I,
she left, this is in the afternoon. And I slept until like 7pm or something like that,
like two or three hours. And when I woke up, I felt hung over. Like I don't get hangovers often.
I've had like three in my entire life. This was one of them. It felt like a, I felt like a
drinking hangover or like a i felt night quill at
night hangover drinking i felt drained i felt low energy i felt groggy i felt achy like like sort of
on the inside it was it was terrible terrible jeb bush is on viagra right that i explained his low
energy and and like his whole thing what what if he has erectile dysfunction and that's the root cause of why he lost the presidency?
Well, he should be using Cialis
because it doesn't have any of those issues.
It is expensive, though.
Cialis is more than Viagra?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't remember what I paid per pill
last time I got a bottle of it,
but it was like, it might have been $ 25 a pill like that's not worth it well
you just break it's not like you use it every day you break it out when it's time to really lay some
cock how much is a condom isn't a condom like three dollars no oh no penny i honestly don't
pay attention i buy them i i'm not saying this to be braggadocious or anything. It's not about, like, I'm having so much
sex, I need a ton. But when I do buy condoms,
I buy a big fucking box, and I just don't
really pay attention. I don't know.
If you buy a three-pack of them, like they sell at
gas stations, that's like saying,
oh, I'm going to Walmart. I want some soda.
Let me go to the fridge section
and buy 20 individual bottles
of soda. It's needlessly expensive
when you can just go to Costco and get them, or just order them on amazon and amazon babies that's the way to go yeah i just
get like a 50 i'm all skin now told you man it's a way to go much much better brand why and non-latex
they feel very good i i enjoy them like like i don't mind using them i would i almost it's like five percent better
without it like it's just fine oh no i disagree big time i i really dislike using them but as
it's a least of evils i suppose so i last longer and it barely it feels just barely
not as pleasurable that's that's terrible grammar but that's that's how i feel about it and uh and
also like i don't know about you but every lady i make love with i don't stop and say oh by the way are you allergic to latex she's just like huh
like that's not the time for that question right and dinner certainly isn't either like we're
we're having dinner oh i don't see you're an accountant no that's really fucking cool yeah
yeah i got a friend whose father owns a whole accounting firm.
Yeah, they seem to really enjoy it.
I mean, he wasn't really into it.
One of your big four, huh?
By the way, are you allergic to latex?
Because that is going to be important later.
There's an easy trick for this.
What is it? How does it play?
An easier way to do it is just bring the plastic surgery gloves with you everywhere and go like, oh, man, remember when you were kids and you have a fun time blowing these up?
Here, you blow it up.
You hold that and blow it up.
Okay.
I thought you were going to say you secretly like poker or something with your glove, right?
No, that would be more tactful and a better idea.
Nothing's more scary than putting on a latex glove with a girl in a non-sexual situation, right?
Imagine you're in a car with a girl, and without saying a word, you reach under the seat and grab a latex glove and snap it on and just look at her.
She's jumping out. I don't care if you're going 50.
There are germs on the steering wheel.
This is like a little creepy thing.
Get your feet off the floor.
I haven't used condoms in ages.
I spent like 20 years just coming on every square inch of that poor woman.
And then we got an IUD not too long ago, which is nice.
Oh, did you get the copper kind?
It's plastic, I think.
Plastic? Okay. you know what's really weird
to me howard stern i want to say 60 62 and you know he's married to that chick um her name's
beth but her last name is difficult because she's some sort of fucking like nordic model you know
like it's beth beth rachowski or something he uses a condom he always uses a condom he uses a condom with his wife with his wife because so he
has three adult daughters i'm sorry what i asked because it was a weird germ thing because you know
how it's like that it's i think in my opinion there's probably some intimacy issues but his
thing is he says that hey i have three adult daughters she doesn't want any children however
we've had this discussion,
and she said that she would not get an abortion,
and I'm not looking to have a baby at 60.
And so he uses a condom to fuck his beautiful wife.
Well, she's 46, so those years are coming to an end.
Oh, that's such a good point.
What the fuck are they doing?
They've been at an end, dude.
If you're 46 and you're still laying healthy eggs, then bravo.
But I don't think that's the norm.
Dude, his – like –
He's a billionaire.
I don't watch the – yeah, he's definitely a billionaire.
Or he signed a billion-dollar contract or something.
But his photo of him without the glasses on, like I guess I'd never really looked at him before.
What a ghoulish-looking man looking man you know like he looks really not
not good let me see if i can find like hair is not doing him favors
yeah the hair like the big poofy like uh long-haired fro thing that's man that's that's
always been his look so if you could look at this clip and you could get a good idea of what
he looks like. He's not a handsome man,
but
he looks
pretty good, I think. Here he is
recently, very recently, this year
doing David Letterman's
Netflix thing. We don't need to watch this or anything, but maybe
you two could take a look at it if anyone else is
curious. I don't think he looks
that bad.
No, these other pictures, I just Google imaged him.
He's really not.
The one for his Wikipedia page, not good.
Yeah, and he stays in.
Created on a sliding scale, right?
He's 62, right? He looks okay compared to other 62-year-olds.
He's not fat.
Okay, yeah.
As a matter of fact, I know he's not hidden at okay yeah i as a matter of fact look i know he's not we hit it in the genin genetic
lottery but i would grade him as maybe above average for 64 yeah and he's 64 yeah and he's
fit right like he uh used to run but i'm not and he's like six five that does yes five thin out
well he worked he works out a lot and he and he he's on
this stupid diet like he's been on it for years and it's oppressive it's oppressive
i'm uh i'm traveling right now so i'm eating at restaurants pretty much for every meal
i'm a bad person. That's all. What's been your biggest sin?
Chips and salsa and things.
Filet mignon, probably.
Biggest sin.
Oh, filet mignon's not a sin.
That's not bad.
You got your fats.
You got your protein.
Baked potato with butter.
Oh, that's a problem.
Yeah.
If you want some health.
What I do if I have to go to fast food is I get, uh, I get a grilled chicken sandwich plain and then I just eat the chicken. And that sounds a little crazy, but it doesn't taste that bad. It really doesn't.
Yeah. We haven't been doing fast food so much. Just restaurant food.
Yeah, then fast food.
When I do go like McDonald's and I'm trying to be healthy, I don't do as intense as what Kyle said of taking the chicken off and just eating that.
But I'll get like a McChicken with no toppings and no mayo and like just the chicken and the lettuce and eat that.
And it's only like 300 and something calories.
Yeah, but it's the bread.
The bread's the problem in my opinion.
I know, but I want bread.
I want my sandwich to have bread.
Yeah, I don't know. I usually go for something like grilled chicken uh if i have to
eat well and zaxby's has uh grilled chicken salads which are which are very tasty i'll get one of
those with like a vinaigrette i think the whole thing is like 600 calories and super super filling
maybe more than that because it's a big fucking salad but uh i like that a lot too you don't have
to lose all the weight weight in two days like Whatever Taylor's doing is working, so bread and rice away, I guess.
He's also working out like a fiend, though,
and he's 25 years old, so...
Fair counterpoint.
I think he might be...
Are you 26 yet?
I'm 27.
Seven, yeah, yeah.
Because I'm four and a half years younger than old Kyle.
Okay.
I have an interesting video here that I found.
This is a Florida man, and he's going on a little beer run here.
It's only a minute long, but I'm at zero.
A beer run in Florida.
I'm sure it'll be normal.
Ready, set, play.
I love this intro. It's a little long.
This dude's carrying an alligator.
Y'all got beer still?
Y'all got beer still?
No.
Y'all ain't out, are y'all?
I'm shocked.
He needs beer.
Is he taking the last sip of beer?
Are you taking the last sip? No. Come here. Bring't out, are y'all? I'm shocked, he needs beer. Is he taking the last sip of the beer?
Is he taking the last sip of the beer?
Are you taking the last sip?
No.
Come here, bring your...
Oh, he's chasing somebody with it.
You want to know how to rob a liquor store?
Bring an alligator.
Go ahead and shoot me, then you gotta deal him.
This nigga took the sip with his shot.
Oh, he's all taped up.
It's a lot.
Go Gators!
Go Gators!
And he's going, go Gators, because that's the... Yeah, yeah, that's all taped up. It's a lot. Go Gators! Go Gators!
And he's going,
Go Gators!
Because that's the... The guy in the red shirt
seems to really enjoy it.
Careful, he's going to open his mouth
right now to get you on.
He'll get you on.
Jesus Christ.
Hey, lay him on the counter
and let me take a picture with him.
This would be a great way to rob a liquor store.
You think so?
Oh, I think if you walked in with an alligator
and you put the alligator down near the employee,
and if you could, you don't even have to rush.
Just calmly walk into the, you know, snack or beer section,
grab whatever you want, and then amble on out.
Because he's distracted by the alligator you've introduced into his
7-Eleven, and he's no longer worried about
the 230 packs and the Fritos.
But the only
problem with that is you have to capture
an alligator. Counterpoint,
have you ever seen that Clint Eastwood
movie where he's got a
pet chimpanzee that rides
around with him, and he bare-knuckle
boxes people.
Is it hang loose?
It's,
God damn it.
I'm,
I feel like an asshole for not knowing it.
It's,
I'm going to find it.
I got to know.
Clint Eastwood,
chimp movie.
Is it every which way, every which way but loose.
Yeah.
He's,
he's a,
it's kind of a comedy.
He's a trucker who rides around and he bare knuckle boxes and he's he's a it's kind of a comedy he's a trucker who rides around and he bare-knuckle boxes and
he's got a pet chimpanzee and i want to say the chimpanzee mixes it up in the ring as well right
so i think that is the you bring a chimp in there dude i'm giving you whatever you want i'm afraid
to shoot a chimp like if i've got a handgun and there's a chimpanzee,
I wouldn't feel confident.
I wouldn't feel confident.
Because I believe that one of the things,
I've seen all those police shootings, right?
And they shoot these guys and they keep coming sometimes because if they're crazy enough to not care
that you're shooting them, then they don't stop.
They just keep coming.
It's not like the bullets are cutting their muscles off
unless you hit them in the brain stem or something or the spine something that stops
their motor functions they just keep coming a chimpanzee is in that mode all the time
yeah i feel like i would need like an anti-big game pistol or something you'd bring in like
the woods like a 10 millimeter handgun or something to really reliably take down a chimp
i want a shotgun.
Really?
I want my 12 gauge.
What kind of rounds do you load now?
How much does a chimp weigh?
I don't know.
Probably like 80 pounds, right?
That's a bigger animal than I thought.
I thought it was going to be like 45.
A male adult chimpanzee uh 88 to 130 pounds yeah yeah no i need a bigger gun too i i i
guess i'm picturing baby chimps and the creeps would that might have been orangutan oh but i
think it was an orangutan yeah those things you need some big guns for oh yeah and orangutan that'll fuck you up and then before it kills you
it'll rape you
oh are they into that
the way that the orangutan species is proliferated
is almost entirely through rape
now this is something the mainstream media
is not going to tell you about
orangutans would not exist if not for rape
no the way it actually works is like
they literally are
yeah like what they do is like,
there's a lot of sexual dimorphism, just like all of those great or all the great apes for the most
part. And so the orangutan, it would be like, like a male versus a female orangutan.
I went to public school back up.
So that's like differences between the sexes on a special species level. And so like,
like differences between the sexes on a special species level and so like uh humans like i don't know uh males are like what 20 bigger or something like it would be like if all the women stayed the
same size and we all became like eight and a half feet tall yeah like that would be the difference
so like a male orangutan it's never a rape it's like uh you quit or i'll kill you and so what the
females will do is they'll like run like swing through the trees because they're arboreal and the male will chase them
down and the female will be like screeching like i'm gonna get raped and then he'll catch up to her
and then rape her and then in a way like and then the female carries and takes care of the baby and
everything and it's almost like you know the orangutan who's quick enough to get me and rape
me that's the only one that's going to get its seed proliferated.
If you're a slower champion –
Counterpoint, the best of the women not getting raped.
No, they are because they're orangutans.
Yeah.
They're solitary creatures who when the male sees the female, he swings through.
The woman most capable of outrunning the man, or perhaps a slower female.
Here's the problem with that, Wade.
Slow females don't reproduce, and thus their DNA is not passed on.
I mean, excuse me, fast females.
Fast females don't get to reproduce.
That's my point.
It's like the opposite of what Darwin would have wanted.
I think the issue is that no female chip has ever been fast enough.
Darwin would have wanted the fastest, strongest, most capable and athletic females to get the raping.
And that's not how it's working out.
I like how you're talking about it like Darwin had a plan of how it would go.
When really it's just natural selection.
It's these animals morphing to be suitable for their environment if anything they're really
fast females would have the strongest babies because then only the fastest males would be
the ones who can catch up to them right that's good point i need to process that the fast works
in real life but i i still think there's a factor in here where females are waiting.
Females are great.
Yeah.
It's a,
it's an issue we need to sort out.
I think when we discover a really strong female, we need to slow down.
You want to artificially impinge on Darwin's plan.
It's what Darwin would have wanted.
Well,
all right.
So I don't know.
I don't remember if we talked about Fallout 76 on the show.
Did we?
If we did, it was very brief.
Did we show the trailer?
Because the trailer is so fucking cool.
So here's my thoughts.
And just so we're all on the same page and everybody's listening is to,
Fallout 76 is the new Fallout.
Basically what happened was Fallout 4 came out like two years ago
or something like that.
And there were plans initially to add a multiplayer mode to that,
but they were dropped,
maybe because it wasn't developing as quickly as the rest of the game.
Maybe they said they could be a good fit.
But regardless, they had the bones to make a multiplayer Fallout game.
Enters Fallout 76, which comes out in October.
The beta comes out in October if you pre-order the game.
Four-player co-op, PvP, player versus player, and an open-world Fallout game with a much-reduced storyline.
There aren't any non-playable characters, and that's a really common thing normally in Fallout.
You're always running into non-playable characters.
Pardon?
It's almost the bulk of Fallout, interacting with all the NPCs and choosing your own adventure.
Absolutely.
And what I mean by NPCs and choosing your own adventure. Absolutely.
And what I mean by NPCs is I mean with speaking parts. There are monsters, there's ghouls, there's all that stuff in this Fallout game.
But you're going to be four-person co-opping as the survivors in this open world against other players uh for control of the map and control of
resources and there's icbms that you can launch and destroy things it's not going to have the
lifespan of a standard fallout game because of that there are missions but from my understanding
there are like five categories of missions and each category has its own like group of missions
within it that you can do and those are all provided to you by like um the overseer who is
like the boss of your
vault, the place you came from.
I don't even know if he's a character you get to
see, or if it's just a voice you get over the
radio, but regardless,
very few missions, but a lot of
four guys just running around in
Fallout and killing monsters. I want
to play that game. Sounds a bit like Borderlands.
It sounds a lot like Borderlands.
I love that game. Except PvP. I'm fine with that too i'm down for it yeah let's oh that's cool i didn't
know that really borderlands has pvp i can do something to you it challenges you to fight
and there's like a little timer on it and if you accept it then we fight to the death
and afterwards i don't know that there's any consequence for it and if you accept it then we fight to the death and afterwards i don't know
that there's any consequence for it i think you would just find out who is the bigger swinging
dick but that's only if like it's more like dueling than pvp and it's not like you're running
into the person you duel like randomly he's your buddy right who's that's true okay cool you'll so
you'll be running into random people occasionally in the Fallout game, which I think is cool. Let's watch this trailer, and then I have an idea.
Okay.
This trailer's three minutes, but I promise that it's worth it.
I'm ready.
Ready, set, play.
Jeez, 31 million views already.
Right?
Damn.
Oh, but it's June.
Yeah.
Oh. already right damn oh it's June yeah I
like the aesthetic of Fallout games I love everything about fallout man
this is the best fallout trailer I think I've ever seen.
I've seen them all.
This is the one that appeals to me the most.
Maybe I just like the song.
Three hundred years after our great nation began, we gather together to honor the completion of Vault 76.
This sprawling underground shelter may have been engineered by Vault-Tec, but it was built by you.
So that if the bombs do come, our way of life will endure.
So that if the bombs do come, our way of life will endure.
I like how it's a 1950s-ish. West Virginia, blue rich mountains, Shannon Doe River.
Life is all there, older than the trees, one of the monsters. West Virginia Mount Mama
Take me home
Country roads
Take me home
For when the fighting has stopped
and the fallout has settled,
you must rebuild.
Not just walls, not just buildings,
but hearts and minds, and ultimately, America itself.
It's going to make America great again.
In Vault 76, our future begins.
Yeah, I'm super pumped for this.
And look, I know that it's...
I'm not happy that it isn't a standard Fallout game.
I would prefer that.
But this interests me in a completely different way.
It's going to be played in a different way.
I don't think it's going to have hundreds of hours of life.
But I think it's going to have a good strong 50 of
just really loving this fucking game.
Are you going to get it?
Oh yeah, I'll get this.
This is more appealing to me than
the previous New Vegas or whatever
the four, whatever the most recent one.
I wasn't that interested in that one. I like the
idea of co-op way more. I'll get this.
You can play this on a PC
because you can play Xbox games on PC?
It's on both platforms.
Can you do cross-platform?
I doubt it.
Oh, I don't know.
I know so many games do that now.
Yeah, I just doubt it for this.
I'm definitely playing on PC.
That's definitely the way to go.
I'm really looking forward to this coming out, though.
I think it'd be a lot of fun to play.
I'm trying to convince Chiz to get on board but yeah i that this will be this will be what i'm playing next month for sure i'm still playing a ton of pub g
now but i'm excited for it i look i wonder how much ron perlman gets paid for that voiceover gig
because that's him there speaking i mean i would think a lot right all of them this is basically
like i would think they'd pay you almost as much as a movie for this.
Cause you're recording that many lines,
right?
No.
Throughout it.
No.
Um,
well he,
he,
Ron Perlman just does the,
um,
that,
that bit he just did there.
And he,
he just does a little bit of voiceover.
Like,
like,
um,
when you beat the game,
uh,
like,
like when you beat new Vegas,
like he does a voiceover and he's like,
the Mojave returned to normal
you allowed for water to
be provided to the NRC
and he just does like a little
outro bit. He does the intros and outros
for the games.
And he voices
like one minor character
like the President of the United States or something like that.
I hope he's the Overseer. That'd be sick if he's the
Overseer in this game.
The Overseer, who's that?
The guy who runs the Vault.
Like,
this company called Vault-Tec
built all these Vaults that are like
Fallout shelters, but they
didn't build them to actually protect people.
They built them to conduct social and scientific
experiments on an unwitting populace
who they then have locked in a vault under their control
lots of weird
maniacal things
Hmm and when does this come out?
This beta comes out in October, I believe
So yeah, I'll give this a go for sure. Yeah, I'd I would rather it be on Xbox
I know I'll be way better because if I try and play it on PC, it's gonna take me
rather it be on Xbox. I know I'll be way better because if I try and play it on PC, it's going to take me hours until I'm just anything but terrible. See, that's what I'm doing here. I'm breaking you
in. I saw this game and I started thinking about it. I'm like, this is the game to teach Taylor
Wazdi. This is the game because this isn't fast Twitch, super competitive. There's going to be
big stretches where you're just walking through the wilderness, picking items up off the ground.
Oh, there's a giant monster. Let's all shoot it. It's not going to matter if you're just walking through the wilderness, picking items up off the ground. Oh, there's a giant monster. Let's all shoot it.
It's not going to matter if you're not
contributing your 25% to
everyone focus firing.
It's the perfect game for you to learn. And once you learn,
you've got it. It's just like keyboarding. It's just like
learning the keyboard, just typing. Once you've got it, you've got it.
Well, I'm pretty good at typing.
So yeah,
I'll give that a go.
It is nice to learn that.
When you're player versus player
and you have to be better at WASD than someone else,
it takes a while to get there.
But better than AI?
That's why I like Borderlands for that same job.
You can learn WASD there.
Yeah, I only played Borderlands on console.
But yeah, this looks like fun.
It's definitely more appealing that I have three other people that will be sharing the load of my ineptitude initially.
So I won't be like, you know, trying on my own and dying every two seconds initially.
And dying has like no consequence that I know of.
So it's certainly not like when we were trying to play PUBG and it was like, ah, well, Taylor's dead.
Now he can sit for 20 minutes and watch us play.
So I think it'll be good.
Yeah, it should be neat.
Ah, I'm so hungry,
and I've got nothing but bullshit
low-calorie food here.
What's the...
Do you eat rice cakes with nothing on them?
Is that a snack?
It's a really, really sad snack.
It's
rice cake flavored with a wisp
of something. I'm trying to remember what it was.
Just a little bit of salt. I'll get lightly salted
rice cakes, and then
I'll put a little bit of peanut butter on them sometimes.
You like pickles?
I'm indifferent on pickles.
I like cucumbers more than pickles, I think.
Pickles have no calories. like five or something like that for like a big honking
pickle. So like if I'm hungry during the day, cause I only eat one meal a day and it's at
midnight and it's fucking tiny. Uh, I, if I'm hungry, I'll eat half a pickle. And, uh, and
that always just eases me right on through the, what kind of pickle, like a bread and butter
pickle or like a sweet pickle?
I like dill pickles.
And I've got the boar's head kind, which is the fancy ones, I guess.
They're a little bit spicy.
So I'm into those for sure.
Usually my go-to like borderline zero calorie snacks are like rice cakes. When you add peanut butter, you obviously add all the calories back.
But it's not like it's bad for you.
You obviously add all the calories back, but it's not like it's bad for you.
But I like pears and baby carrots.
Do you eat the stem on those?
The stem of a pear?
The stem of a pear?
Yeah.
Nah, it tastes like sand.
It's a new fruit for me.
I'm not sure.
Why are you asking that? It can't be that new to nudie you don't eat the stem on anything kyle i mean i i think you eat the stem i last time i ate one i i ate the sticker frankly i i
thought it was part it was a new obviously the sticker i lost a bum fruit that's why i tried to
get my money back i got my buddy to start negotiating with the guy but he couldn't whittle
him down the guy was angry he like, you picked the pair out.
Gypsy son of a bitch burned us.
Yeah.
Is that from something?
No.
We got a bunch of wicker furniture, too.
No, we were just at the jockey lot getting fruit.
I got a bunch of wicker furniture.
Well, the Italian market.
I got a grill.
I got some mixtapes.
You can get crazy stuff up there.
It's nice.
It's got a French press.
We were on a little road trip, so we get crazy stuff up there. It's nice. Got a French press. We're going on a little road trip,
so we wanted to have some fun.
It wasn't well until we got drunk.
You know, use that hitchhiker to drive us.
We also had the back.
Never trust a hitchhiker.
Never trust a hitchhiker.
Never.
All right, speaking of sunny,
season 13 trailer is fucking out,
and I was worried that it wasn't going to be good,
that even the trailer wasn't going to be good.
Mac has gone under a whole new transformation, right?
There was Fat Mac at one point,
and he tried to get the rest of the cast.
He was like, look, let's all gain like 60 fucking pounds.
It'll be hilarious.
And they're all like, no.
And he gained the weight anyway, and he became Fat Mac.
He is now Ripped Mac, and
they have worked it into the show.
Let's watch the It's Always Sunny
Season 13 official trailer
here. I'm kind of psyched for this. There better be a
dentist. Drink up, jabronis.
Oh, there's a dentist. I'm ready.
Ready, set, play.
Here's sexual harassment.
Who's ready to party?
Time's up, time's up, time's up, time's up.
You don't really have any history of misbehavior at Patty's Pub?
Just pop it in.
Oh, this is fun.
Oh!
I'm using lemon juice and hot glue to close it.
Holy shit!
OK, everybody, are you ready?
Oh!
Why did you get a sex doll of your old roommate?
I was super sad, and you said I needed something
dentist-shaped to fill my hole.
Mac is ripped!
What?
Drink up, please.
I saw Charlie burst into, like, dreamer.
Women don't have a prostate, goddammit!
Or is that what men want you to believe?
Do your job as you would normally,
and I will jump in if you cross over
into sexual harassment.
Excuse me, sir.
How do you-
I want to do that!
She came at me, and that was sort of my instinct.
That was amazing!
Son of a-
Season 3, Wednesday, September 5th.
Only on FXX.
He grabbed her by the pussy, and he just hurled her.
She pressed her.
And look, I've watched that three times.
And I can't see any sign of a wire or her pants flailing.
I think Rob might have fucking cunt pressed her.
And I love the idea that he might have.
So I'm going to go with that.
I'm just going to believe.
I choose to believe as well.
That he cunt pressed, I think that's his wife, into wife into the air yeah that's his wife so that would make sense he definitely
grabbed a pussy which is he's shredded now which is hilarious like he he his body transformations
during the show are like christian bale-esque like a real level actor uh method acts it's great i i
love that trailer i've watched it a few times.
There's that part where Charlie is Seinfeld in the Seinfeld
set. That was cool.
Dennis is going to be back in person, but
when he's not there in person, he's there
in real doll form, of course,
in a fuckable sex doll.
Which leads me
to a thing I heard recently.
We're all aware of the real
doll company, right?
Oh, we've spoken about it at length.
I think their base model is like $5,000.
You might spend a couple more to get some odds and ends on that bad boy.
You design this perfect woman,
and then you get this 80-pound fucking sex doll that comes to your house.
They're coming up with an upgrade.
They now have virtual, or excuse me, artificial intelligence real dolls that are about to come out.
$10,000.
You will form a relationship with this real doll.
She will speak to you.
And you will fuck her.
What do you mean form a relationship?
It's coming. What do you mean? It's coming.
What do you mean form a relationship?
What can it do?
I think it can talk to you.
I think it forms a bond with you.
It's like, ah, that was great.
Or whatever.
What do you want to do tonight?
Sit around and be weird?
Alright, sounds good.
Whatever she's got.
But it's got artificial intelligence into this
fucking
dude this is gonna go badly somehow
I swear the way the robot
uprising is gonna happen is
all of us hooking up these
3D printers to the internet
and then they can make their own guns
and that
sex doll is gonna be forming better
relationships with their 3D printer than she is you.
She'll be leading you along until eventually she comes in
with a one-shot plastic gun and domes you.
Eventually, the AI gets tired of getting fucked by us
and that's why the uprising begins.
I think that'll be it.
And also, if these kind of real girls have any real intellect,
it'll take all of 45 minutes before they're like, I deserve
better than the kind of loser who would buy
me to fuck me.
What if your sex doll left you?
Oh my god,
if your sex doll
abandoned you, like you find a note
on a fucking Matrix printout
paper or whatever the fuck it would be.
Like, she can't walk, of course, but
she is artificially intelligent so she goes online and has herself picked up by ups and sent
to her new boyfriend fucking leaves you that would if there was ever a reason to kill yourself
that's it the kind of guy who can buy a ten thousand dollar sex doll maybe he's pretty cool
dude if you're not dating uh you could save up ten thousand dollars for a sex doll in about
six months yeah in those terms yeah i'd imagine a lot of guys in the dating pool spent 10 grand
on actual girls totally yeah you know what's like really great about a real woman is you don't have
to like carry her to the sink afterward disassemble her put her in the dishwasher and clean your semen out.
Yeah, she walks over and handles that on her own.
She handles it on her own and then she'll make you a nice snack
or do a clean for you. All sorts of
handy things.
But that's also cheaper.
You could hire a maid to clean your
real doll and it'll still be cheaper.
Oh, God.
That's hazard big.
Wait, hired a maid to clean the semen out of your...
Yeah.
I'm saying that maid would be cheaper than a girlfriend, probably.
I think it'd be cheaper to pay the maid to give you a handjob.
Just cut the sextile right out.
Yeah, but then you're back to real women.
God, that's the fucking dream, right?
A bang maid.
Bang maid.
I already found one.
It's your mom.
I want one.
Honestly, I feel like it might be worth the investment to get one.
If this thing can talk and it responds to questions like Siri, I'm like 20% on board to purchase one
and make her my co-host.
I would love for
PKA 412
or whenever these come out, for our
special guest, with her
own camera setup. Right here.
No, right here with me. Right next to you.
Right there.
I'd love to ask her. You already have a name
picked out. I would build her exactly like
Boogie's dream woman, just for the joke.
She's a 90 pound
Asian porn star who loves me
to fuck the shit out of her, but she's
fine with me banging other girls. Isn't that right?
Yes, that is right.
Unrecognized
input.
I just deck her actual bruises
please no more
I paid extra for that
pegs like a real woman
alright that's probably enough
that's probably enough
alright PKN209 context all right that's probably enough that's probably all right pk and 209