Transcript
Discussion (0)
pk and episode 252 kyle i don't know i'm just saying that yeah woody i've been watching a
youtube channel uh a fresh one i started out watching la beast who's the guy who does like
eating competition stuff and i got frustrated with him quickly like no offense to that guy
or somebody like furious p that's impressive what they do but they fail a lot like sometimes
it seems like they're taking on a challenge so insurmountable that it's clickbait oh wait
so this is compared i had my mind set on the mre type stuff that you enjoy ah no no this is
quantity eating this is like it's under the same umbrella as his food obsession right now
it's like it's like those places that are like hey we've got a 78 76 ounce steak if you eat it
you get it free you know and your wall on the your picture on the wall the uh these guys do that and
uh and furious pete and uh and ellie beast is who i've been watching he fails a lot and i was i was
really getting pissed off i was like i clicked this because you said you were going to eat 10 gallons of ice cream.
But I think you just said 10 gallons so that I'd click this because clearly you can only eat half a gallon.
I can eat half a gallon.
All right?
This is bullshit.
But that led me to a man named Randy Santel.
Six foot five, 270 pounds.
That's not fat.
He wears a shirt that says I lift to eat He looks like a normal
sized man when he's sitting at the table
but that's because he's not
sitting. He's on his knees
next to the table and he
looks like a normal sized man
sitting in a fucking chair next to the table
He has this isn't the exact the table he has i'm this
isn't the exact number but he has over 700 food victories where he's traveled the world victories
that's what he calls them he's traveled the world breaking these records like like anywhere who has
like the biggest chili cheese dog in existence they're like hey you can eat our chili cheese
dog in 30 minutes,
you get $500, your picture on the wall, and a free t-shirt.
He'll travel there.
He did an entire UK tour of Scotland and Ireland and England,
and everywhere he goes, he wins.
He's like George St. Pierre.
He's lost a couple of times, but he always comes back and avenges the loss he's like like if
he vomits or something he's like well we're back yesterday I wasn't able to finish off this eight
pound chili cheeseburger but I think that's because I had all those waffles for breakfast
why is he on his knees I love that he's so big he can't sit in the goddamn chair I love that all
you need to do is drop a challenge and a lame prize-like picture on the wall,
and he'll come.
I'm going to take this guy on.
He'll be like, what?
That's just a normal-sized bowl.
I'll be like, no.
This chili sucks.
It's awful, I swear.
You'll never finish a bowl of my wife's chili.
That's the challenge.
I liked your idea, Kyle,
of where you're like, man,
LA Beast said there was going to be 15 gallons ice cream and then he ate two and that was it i think it'd be funny for
someone to make a whole trolling channel where it's like eat 10 american cheeseburgers in two
two minutes and you get like one bite in you're like ah this is just isn't very good and he's just gonna stop
not feeling it today i lost guys this is lost number 327 like and subscribe this one right
here where he eats a 92 ounce steak i'm just watching it on on silent yeah and it's an
enormous steak but the funnier part about it is that he got six sides with his steak.
That's the challenge.
He got like five.
Some of these challenges, they clearly don't want anyone to ever beat it.
So they'll be like, you have to eat this 96-ounce steak,
but it comes with half a pound of macaroni and cheese,
a side salad, a quart of gravy, three pounds of french fry like it comes with all these
sides yeah they're all part of the competition the sides like he's not eating anything that he
doesn't have to eat i saw the man eat a 150 ounce milkshake yesterday that sounds awful the rules
were you couldn't pick up the glass so So he had to use a garden hose.
He's not... His technique does not stress chewing.
I'm noticing here.
He's shoving it.
He's not taking any time between the bites,
just straight down the gullet.
One chew and gone, it looks like.
Those sides are enormous.
I didn't appreciate when Taylor said it came with sides
that it was like... Family size, a bowl of side.
That is four servings of mashed potatoes, maybe three.
So Munchies, which is a YouTube channel, I think, that's devoted to like food related stuff, did like this story on Randy a couple of years ago.
He was just starting on like a UK or European tour.
And his story is really touching.
He was very overweight as a kid.
And then he got into football and he sort of got into shape and, and, and slowly, like,
like a lot of people get into YouTube, he got into YouTube and this is his dream now
is to do this for a living.
And so he's got this, uh, this website devoted to it.
He sells merchandise and stuff
and um he he had this really sad moment where he was like you know you know nobody wants me you
know i i'm never getting married but so it was i got this wedding ring i wear it says
married to my dreams and i was and i went that really sad. And then he went and ate like 18 baked
potatoes or something. You know, we all have different dreams. This guy is... I want to
get colon cancer. This guy just doesn't have a good relationship with food. No. I mean,
he seems like he's turned his relationship with food into a very good thing. Like's got three quarters of the same people is this the guy i'm watching that's married
himself yeah randy santel he looks like he's he's tall decent looking guy like that that yeah that
gives you so many dude if you're six five and you bitch moan and complain about being forever alone
one of these right up your here because of what he does
one of these two of these really does that chase off women women put up with a lot of shit
i did see one thing where they were like there was some he had like some hot hot hot he had some hot
fan girls like like hanging out with him he like walks away from talking to him or whatever he goes
those girls were fucking hot i was like the first time i'd ever seen him curse because he's pretty like
vanilla in his in his videos he doesn't curse today's challenge is i'm gonna eat 50 pussies
in a minute he has this he has this ritual before he eats he he does like the catholic he crosses
himself is he praying i i'm sure i'm actually showing his video to people on mute. Why does it say Atlas on it? Well, apparently, for those of us who have seen the Sylvester Stallone movie,
Over the Top, where he is a professional arm wrestler,
Sylvester Stallone has an alter ego.
And when he flips his hat around backwards,
he is activating his alter ego.
He was unbeatable.
And so that is what this guy is doing.
When he flips the hat around he is becoming
atlas he has no state of hulkamania he's entering a state of hulkamania where where no food item
may stand before him uneaten i'm sorry it's it's quite entertaining he's got 750 000 subscribers
he's got um great i don't know how many videos yeah he does pretty well on the views
like like like you know one day ago and he's got 60 000 four days 148 000 but there's a lot of
long tail that's going on here all these challenge videos have to be the best for long tail because
like somebody who ate a five foot wide pizza in 2007 people will still watch that i watched a bunch of these the other
day um i he he had this he went to like the czech republic to do uh eating competitions there i
think maybe it's like the only national sport those fucking people have and that and power
lifting that and power lifting so like he had this little bitty guy with him. And of course he's a big guy. So
maybe this guy is like five foot nine, 140 pounds, not, but he looks like a child next to Randy.
And I'm just like, oh, here we go. He's brought in somebody to lose next to him. Like, like they're
both going to try to eat this enormous. And then I was like, oh wait, wait, no. Oh God, the little
man can go. And the little man immediately rips apart the six-pound hamburger
and just grabs the beef with two hands
and starts eating it like a beaver chopping a tree down.
And they both finish this burger that had never been eaten before.
After watching enough of these videos,
I think he can eat about nine pounds of food in 45 minutes that seems to be about what
he can do that's coincides with my theory that calories in calories out is not a perfect thing
i suspect if you eat nine pounds of food you don't actually gain nine pounds of weight
i mean in the short term of course yeah or you don't absorb the 7 or 8 thousand
Calories that come along with it
Is there something to that or is that insanity
What do you guys think
I think there's something to it
We're not perfectly efficient machines
I think that's true
With everyone like even if you just eat
One calorie you probably don't absorb one calorie
Chael Sonnenbaum was talking about his weight cutting
Today I know this isn't exact parallel but um he drank too much water right on purpose he drank a gallon a day and
then he steps it up to two gallons a day and he's up to three gallons of water a day i did a gallon
a day for a while and i found that to be very difficult i found that to be too much water
three gallons a day is outrageous but uf UFC fighters sometimes do that when they cut weight because right out of the gate, they can lose like 10 or 15 pounds.
Your body's just throwing water away like there's no tomorrow, expecting it to be bringing in water.
But you've stopped it.
You've tricked it.
Back to the food.
If you eat nine pounds of food, your body must get into some sort of state where it's like i could poop out undigested food you know i i could send this through we just our main priority is getting this
out the back end not getting every calorie out of it he uh he takes his colon cleanse stuff that
like completely empties out his digestive system after every meal and he uh he only eats the one
if he's doing a challenge he just eat that he just eats that for
the day like like that's his oh that's it that's all he's eating yeah well it makes sense yeah
he's not gonna go home he's not he's not coming back for more you want to start hungry and i doubt
he's hungry after his technique food challenges look terrible some of them look delicious um yeah
but like 24 ounces of that steak looks delicious.
Yeah.
24 is a lot.
It is a lot.
Six or eight ounces of steak typically.
I was just thinking like a huge like porterhouse size thing that I, that's like the most.
If I'm getting a big boy steak, it's going to, it's going to be a pound and a half of steak.
Wait, that is 24 ounces.
Yeah, 24 ounces.
So a lot of porterhouses are like 21 ounces 24 ounces 20 but in the
filet world like filet mignon oh like nine to not around nine to twelve ounces filet i'm fine with
like eight to ten ounces because it's so much richer than than whatever cut of meat this is
i don't know my steak very well but if filet is on the menu i order that because i always like it
yeah i've mixed i used to do that
and uh but i've mixed it up over the last couple of years and i like all the steaks i just ordered
some veal uh t-bones uh so those are on the way i've never had veal t-bones but i'm excited about
this tasting all that suffering but yeah this guy uh is is just incredible and i it's the fear that
makes it taste so good it's the fear and the suffering taste so good. It's the fear and the suffering, yes.
And the depression.
Yeah, the loss of the mother.
She's probably just on the other side of the farm
and he's just chained up in that little dog house.
You can taste their cries back and forth.
No, don't move their mother away.
Make it so they can see her.
Bring her over here. I'm going to slap her
around in front of the little one not too close now
now bring in one of the bulls who they know isn't their father to fuck their mother
in front of them this is taylor's farm the cruelest place on earth to be a cow here and
here's the science of it it releases delicious delicious compounds when you scare them.
That's why we got the ring plan.
And lots of scary movies all the time
in the middle of the area.
I have different ones. This is a
30 day aged, was
watching the Babadook
when we killed it, and it's one of our
top sellers.
We've kept this goat
in the wolf pen its entire
life. They just circle it
day and night.
That's going to be some tasty goat.
Juicy. That's the
abject terror.
A whole life of terror.
Here at
Taylor's Farm, these animals don't know
complacency. they only know fear
when they come out of there
I've got one of those spooky masks on
as I'm birthing them
I yell at them, I scream at them
I call them racial epithets
they don't even apply
they don't even apply
that's more for my enjoyment
I love the idea of him slapping the mother cow around even apply. That's more for my enjoyment.
I love the idea of him slapping the mother cow around. I like the idea
that he's calling them like N-bombs
and K-bombs and the cow is like,
it doesn't even hurt.
This part just more confuses him.
Calling the cow a Chinaman to his face.
They don't know what to expect i have a topic from reddit's relationship advice subreddit have you followed this one kyle uh oh okay never looked at that forum other than when you guys
have linked it dude so every so often at reddit there'll be like a relationship advice post that
goes viral right you guys might
remember i think jenny wanted to meet just for kisses and that became like a reddit meme for a
long time this one might approach that stage and the guy's asking for help and i don't know it's
about a three minute read so just get comfy here we go sure my wife and i have been married for
three years together for six.
She's always been one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
No huge fights.
Love languages match up.
We're both fairly active people, which has been why I've always had such a strong relationship for so long.
That's why this is difficult for me.
We've both been doing pretty well in our careers the last few years.
She's in marketing.
I work independently as an IT consultant,
allowing me to set my own hours and be pretty flexible. We decided that we should start a family. Her most likely keeping her job full-time and me scaling back to part-time. We've been
anxious but excited to have our own kids. Long story short, I was diagnosed with azoospermia
last December. Blockage in the pipes just meant that I wasn't
actually producing any sperm when
ejaculating. It's curable with surgery
and we finally got it scheduled for July.
She has a high sex drive and
so do I and we've been very active, but
there's no way I could have gotten her pregnant.
We missed her period this week.
I couldn't imagine that she might actually be
pregnant, right? The babies are
bottled up until we get the blockage out.
She took three tests, though, and they're all positive.
I'm stunned because this shouldn't be possible.
She's never been unfaithful to me in the past and never given me a reason not to trust her.
I'm not the jealous type, but I'm stuck.
The doctor said this couldn't happen, and I can't believe my wife would jeopardize the future
we've been so excited for over some fling when we have a great emotional and physical connection. My wife is
ecstatic. She's given no indication of any guilt or any worry that she may have cheated. She's so
excited when she first found out she didn't, she's so excited that when she first found out I didn't
express my worries then. But she left for work and now I'm completely torn.
What if she did cheat?
Looking back, there are a few tiny things that didn't seem to be an issue for now.
Had me racking my brain for clues.
Her job often has her taking clients out for dinner and it's not uncommon to get back later in the evening.
She definitely has had a busy last few months, but that's not uncommon for her job.
She always wears one of the same two perfumes, but she came back one night smelling completely different.
I remember seeing a text message on her lock screen of just a winky face.
A different time.
But assumed it was one of her girlfriends.
Fuck, man, I don't know what to do.
I set up an appointment on Monday to see if there's any chance it could be mine.
If it's mine and I accuse her of cheating, I feel like the world's biggest asshole.
But she's been coming home in a few hours
and I don't know what to say to her.
I can't stop thinking of the small things
that may have been her cheating
and I just don't see it.
Do I wait for the doctor's appointment Monday
before talking to her
or do I bring these insecurities up?
And there's an update.
Yeah, read the update before we give our hot takes.
Okay.
First, I wanted to thank for everyone who reached out and offered their stories about Similar.
I can't believe how many people are told they're completely sterile and end up having kids anyway.
I took a lot of what you guys said to heart.
An ex of mine from a few years ago was cheating on me and it really left a scar for a while.
It wasn't until I got more involved with sports and getting in better shape that I was able to move on.
My wife and I actually met in a soccer league we were in together,
and we've had so much trust for so long, I thought those fears had gone away.
It wasn't until now that I really started to feel shaken like that again.
But I didn't want to let my past get in the way of what could be such a huge blessing.
A few people really articulated the right way to communicate my feelings,
and it wasn't accusatory and respectful of my wife.
In a way that wasn't accusatory and respectful, whatever.
She's never been giving me any reason to doubt her.
It's not uncommon for her to sometimes be home late,
and she'll usually go straight to bed.
I didn't want to dump this on her immediately
and give myself a night to sleep on it.
I got up being pretty restless, went for a run,
cleared my mind, couldn't wait any longer. I made our favorite
omelets and told her I needed to talk to something.
Talk to her about
something. She leads with,
You know I'm not Ashley, right?
She knows me well. Ashley's
my ex who cheated. So first
I apologized. I apologized because I let
this build up in my head for so long without talking
to her about it sooner. What should have been a
blessing has been nothing but insecurity and fear.
We talked for a while.
I told her how happy it made me to see her ecstatic and excited for the baby.
I told her how much I love the relationship we built together.
How I felt like an asshole for questioning her loyalty.
She had never given me a reason not to trust her,
but I still couldn't emotionally get over the thoughts of infidelity because of my ex.
She thanked me for telling her,
knew how hard it was for me to get over the thoughts of infidelity because of my ex. She thanked me for telling her, knew how hard it was for me to get over that,
and volunteered to have us get a paternity test
right when he or she is born,
which made me feel a lot better at first.
Still, something felt off.
I honestly don't know why.
Something about how she was so eager to get a paternity test
and almost not mad at me at all for having kept this from her.
Normally, she would have been
upset that I didn't bring it up right away. So there was just a weird feeling I couldn't shake
for the rest of the day. It seemed like she was saying all the right things, but couldn't get rid
of this clawing feeling inside my head. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe there's a gut feeling
I need to listen to, but I ended up going to the appointment alone as we decided it would be good to see if i still needed the surgery turns out it's obstructive azoospermia i've read so many
posts and stories about how we're supposed to be infertile getting up pregnant i brought up that
and how my wife's pregnancy was affecting me the urologist thought it would be pretty unlikely
that i wouldn't need to have surgery to get a kid with how mine is presenting itself
he mainly tried to skirt to another topic and mostly pushed me towards making sure she was actually pregnant.
Remember, three positive pregnancies.
Being there didn't really help.
It just made it feel like more uncertainty.
He had another night out being to 830 and we talked about scheduling an appointment to verify the pregnancy when she got home.
She seemed confused but then quickly agreed.
She promised to do it in the morning. I asked how work had gone. She gave me a non-committal
answer about her boss pushing her too much and stressing out. There's nothing huge there,
but she just seemed off. I couldn't put my finger on it. We were acting all lovey-dovey,
but something seemed wrong, and I couldn't talk about it without repeating the same conversation.
I've been trying to throw myself into work and distract myself.
We have a joint checking account.
Oh, I know where this is going!
Sometimes we'll move
money in and out of it, but really
we just use it for groceries and household
items. Suddenly $435
went missing!
So this morning, she moved half of the account to
hers. About $1,700.
We don't do that.
She's never needed to before.
I checked our healthcare portal, and she made an appointment for the one time on Thursday I mentioned I was busy working on site.
We were supposed to go together.
I'm starting to go crazy.
How do I bring this up that isn't just me having the same conversation again?
I'm looking into getting a second opinion myself, but I need a litmus test from outsiders to know if I'm losing it or if this
seems weird to someone else.
And that's about where it stands.
His doctor said,
she's probably not pregnant.
There's no way it could have been yours.
She's taken money out of the account.
And yeah.
Yeah.
So she's totally gotten knocked up by somebody and now she's going to abort it. And, and. Yeah, so she's totally gotten knocked up by somebody,
and now she's going to abort it.
And she's had that plan.
Why 1,700?
That's so much more.
That is a lot for an abortion.
I will say that.
Actually, can I interrupt you?
That thought process popped up in this thread a lot in the comments.
I've been invested in this poor guy's life and uh um in some locations an inexpensive abortion will be around 200 250 and an expensive
abortion will be around 700 um so 1700 i mean unless she needs three of them she should like
it's a weird amount now other people are like dumping half of the account
into your own is advice that sometimes people get when they're expecting a divorce yeah yeah she's
uh she's doing something sneaky with that and she knows it's something that's going to upset him
i think kyle and i we made eyes the second that the boss thing comes up. I think that she's fucking her boss and she got pregnant.
And this guy,
although he comes across a bit of a loon,
uh,
is probably not just paranoid.
Like this is something's going on.
A lot of signs,
especially after the,
the money getting taken out of the account.
That's,
that's beyond fishy dude.
And then to schedule it the one time that he couldn't be there.
Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know. It doesn't, it the one time that he couldn't be there. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know.
You know, the pieces aren't falling into place.
You got to follow this lady around.
You got to get one of those GPS trackers.
You got to get under a car.
Like, what's that De Niro movie, Cape Fear?
You're going to have to really, you're going to have to dig in deep because you gots to know.
Dude, like, so Taylor called him a bit of a loon.
And I can see where that perspective comes from. but is he a loon if he's right because it seems like he might be
right you know he he thought this he thought this whole he had a gut feeling before the money thing
and then the money thing happens and it's like well that's just concrete that's not gut feeling
anymore that's not weird paranoid suspicions that's evidence
and it wasn't even like like he kept saying like oh she's never given me any reason to not trust
her it's like well you just found out that it's literally impossible for you to produce sperm
and she's pregnant so that's that's a tally in the not trusting box like that you know what i mean
like that does not make sense at all you can't he and he kept
trying to like rationalize that away and say oh it's so ridiculous but no he's in the right i
think yeah i i mean i've obviously we've all heard of cases i don't know anything about azoospermia
but we've all heard of cases where infertile people suddenly get fertile you know people
who are on the wait list for adoption suddenly have a kid uh they thought they'd never have to be able to make their own.
That this poor guy and he's,
you,
I,
um,
he,
his user account is throw away my sperm,
a ZOA.
So I clicked on his user account and looked at all his recent posts,
you know, so I could find out like which ones and,
uh,
man,
this guy is getting torn up inside. doesn't know how to um like and
he's getting some pretty good advice from reddit like for example he put up there can someone give
me a basic script for what to say when i call in an hour and uh it's like yeah this guy's just not
fully functioning right now that's not a bad question to ask. And the guy wrote,
hey, honey, I was looking at our medical portal about when might be a good day for the appointment
and noticed you booked it for Thursday.
That's okay.
I'll take some vacation and come along.
It's too important to be close to you for that appointment.
By the way, I noticed you moved $1,700 out of our joint account.
Was that for the appointment or something I did?
I'm sorry.
Was that for the appointment or did I did? I'm sorry. Was that for the appointment or did I miss something?
That was a good script.
I got to make a throwaway account and jump in on this
and start contributing bad advice.
What you're going to want to do is, hey, whore.
Make your account, my sperm works fine.
Like, hey, this is Cindy's boss, and we're not going to be keeping it.
This user, come to spare,
is being so mean to me.
There's a fresh update.
She claims she moved the money out
in anticipation for the deductible payments
she'll have with different visits.
I didn't bring up anything else,
but she seemed impatient with me.
Probably rightly so, and implied we'd have
a longer talk when she gets home.
Ah! What time zone are you in?
When is she getting home? It's seven.
When was that? Today? She gets home
late, remember? It was today. She gets home
late, smelling different. That's how she gets pregnant.
Getting smiley faces late at night.
Sorry, my boss was just putting me through hell.
You know?
Work's been dominating me recently it's a wish work was more of a pain in the ass i wouldn't be pregnant yeah this guy's hearing
like how that turns out because i am curious it it could go either way it's hard to tell
you know just from text and not knowing what these people look like or sound like or who they are and
all that shit it's yeah i don't know it's definitely she's doing some suspicious stuff but i guess it's weird
she moved that money that's fucking weird and it's weird she scheduled it at the time where
he couldn't go yeah and coming home late all the time from work coming home late all the time is
it you know some people live that life. Thank goodness. They do sometimes.
Salesmen in particular.
Oh, she would come back home and she always smelled the same, but
this night she smelled totally different.
That sounds like some crazy shit.
He's like smelling her every night,
like taking a spot check.
See, that part is one of the columns
of not very good evidence.
Yeah, you smell like sex.
But you also do get gut feelings for things like that.
You can pick up on things that aren't necessarily like, you know, facts in the moment.
I like that this guy has self-diagnosed himself as a bit of a crazy person right now.
And he's leaning on Reddit people, hopefully not Taylor, to like, all right, give me a script here.
You know, someone tell me what to say.
I'm going bonkers and I don't want to mess
this up.
Something about his writing style,
his stress comes through.
Here's one bit of advice
for him.
I'm sure he's a patron. Don't go and get
advice from Reddit.
Why would you do that?
Reddit is full of retards well no well
you don't read what the retards right but but no listen to our podcast three of us three smart
very smart self-diagnosed smart people
and uh yeah because for every like one little bit of advice you're gonna get on a
place like reddit you're gonna get like 50 incel people who are like he's gonna fucking whores
lying that's a modern day skill that's important right like like i feel like i could ask for advice
on how to fly a plane and use the skill set i've developed on the, with all my time on the internet to figure out which ones I should listen to.
Yeah,
for sure.
Well,
yeah,
yeah,
for sure.
Uh,
there's great advice on Reddit on just about everything.
Their comments are the best part.
I saw this picture today on,
um,
maybe it was our funny and it was like the U S women's basketball team lined up in the,
uh,
like,
like the hallway before you go into like the court next to the
next to the ecuadorian women's basketball team they come up to about the chest of our women
it was and the comments i was like i gotta see what people are saying and like like it's it's
hilarious the comments are great and someone tracked down what the score of that game was and I want to say it was like
118 to 38
or something like that.
It was absurd. It was just a real
walloping.
Their shoes didn't even match.
They really didn't.
They didn't match left to right foot, if you understand.
Not each other, but they just had
an Adidas and a Reebok.
So Chael Sonnen retired.
Yeah, he needed to.
He's 42 years old.
Is he?
Yeah.
I am.
He's 42.
He is.
And like, you know, there's a reason he's not with the UFC.
You know, why he's over there at Bellator.
Not that they don't have good talent, clearly.
And look, he's a big name, so they're not going to throw him against nobodies.
They're going to give him Leota Machidas.
And that's not...
I'd like to see him fight.
He did fight Fedor, didn't he?
Yeah, I'm looking at his record.
That's why it popped into my head.
Yeah, he fought Fedor.
Quentin Jackson, Wanderlei Silva, Tito Ortiz.
That's kind of his comeback.
Yeah, he lost to Tito.
That's pretty fucking telling.
I bought his explanation on that.
Here's the thing.
He was just talking to TJ Dillashaw.
Shale had a two-year suspension.
TJ Dillashaw is in his two-year suspension.
And he's like, what are you doing physically?
He wants to come back and fight.
He's like, I'll tell you what,
the mistake I made.
Two years seemed like forever.
Two years was an eternity.
It was never gonna happen.
He's like, I was in the gym,
but I was just kind of going through the motions.
It always seemed like the real training
will come when that two years gets
a bit sooner and
I waited and waited and waited and then when
the two years came around
I wasn't in the shape I needed to be
to actually come back
he also wasn't on EPO
HGH or testosterone
anymore
true
you know who's probably on testosterone right now?
Brett Favre.
Because he came out today on his Instagram
and said that he's coming out of retirement
to play in the NFL.
No, he didn't.
No, he didn't.
He came out on Instagram.
How old is Brett Favre? 71?
Take a guess. Don't look it up.
I'm going to say...
46.
I'll say 45. I'm going to say 46. Damn it.
I'll say 45.
I'm going to go 47.
What he said on his Instagram was
a true champion sticks to his or her calling.
I will be coming out of retirement and making my return
to play in the NFL for the 2020 season.
Stay tuned for more
hashtag news.
He even used his Instagram like a 49-year-old.
Hashtagging words that aren't trending.
Dude, I hope.
I can't wait.
49.
That's hilarious.
His last game was such a letdown.
It was such a letdown.
What was his last game?
Unless my memory fails me,
I want to say that he was playing for the...
Who does LaDainian tom um was he
a viking that lost in the last game yes that's exactly what happened and not only did he lose
the playoffs but he threw an air ball like to end the game like like it was like he was this close
to like just if if that if that's a touchdown then it's legendary status you know and i think
he goes to the super bowl then i think that was the nfc championship game and it didn't
yeah if he comes back he will be the oldest player in nfl history oh yeah beating out george blanda
who i assume was probably a kicker yeah Not a quarterback who's going to get pummeled and break his hip.
Yeah, you better hope that whoever picks you up has an incredible offensive line.
Nobody's going to pick him up.
Yeah, they are.
Oh, someone will pick him up.
Some small market team that wants to pull in some more numbers.
Some Canadian football team.
No, come on. Somebody who wants
a legend
who will stand for the anthem
and can still sling the
pigskin. And he does it
all while wearing his Wranglers.
Nice.
That's the funniest outcome.
He's like, I'll come back, only if
I can wear Wranglers.
I signed on the dotted line, didn't read the contract.
Oh, and Forbes having a hard time moving around out on those Wranglers.
Yeah, so unfortunately until 2031, this is my look contractually.
I can't.
I looked foolish at my father's funeral in my Wranglers.
But I was the most comfortable ball bearer there that that's a good i'm i'm so psyched for that yeah are you i i love old guy moments like like i i watch these like youtube like
uh compilations like like they have topics it'll be like best old guy moments in MMA.
Old guy
compilation.
Yeah, stuff like that.
Those are my favorite bits.
You know how old Dan Severn
was when he retired?
57!
57!
Dan Severn won his last fight at 57 years old because he didn't set the record his opponent
was 62 well no his opponent was a young guy just yeah well like 13 it was an he was an amateur you
know you know and and he was fighting dan severin uh so you know he might have guessed it what he
after he after he's out of the ufc and a number of other organizations he was just he was just Dan Severn. You might have guessed it.
After he's out of the UFC and a number of other
organizations, he would just fight
all these regional tournaments
and stuff and just travel around because he still liked it.
There's something I like about that.
His record is 101-19-7
in mixed martial arts.
He's been battling for a long time.
He's a bad motherfucker.
I want to say Severin fought at that UFC event in Dothan, Alabama,
the one where New York passed the ruling and outlawed MMA,
and they had to move the show in 24 hours.
It might have been UFC 16 or something like that.
He started his career in UFC 4 in 1994.
That's crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
Dan Severin's an interesting guy, and he's still all there
because he had a really heavy wrestling style.
That's what he did.
So he didn't take a lot of walloping for his 130-some-odd fights that he had.
He's still with it.
He can still – he's a bright guy.
Jeremy Horn is my favorite example of that.
That guy, I thought actually, oh, he has 119 fights.
He's 91, 22, five draws, and one no contest.
I guess with 119 fights, you get all the outcomes.
Hell yeah.
But that guy would fight a couple times a weekend.
It was like working out to him like you
know you do a fight friday and a fight sunday to get some good workouts in i mean if you win
you know handily like we've seen plenty of ufc fights where it's like ah well fucking let him
fight next next move the card just just let him move up it's another middleweight let's go there's
somewhere it's like he's only got the same sweat he went in there with.
Unless he hurt his hand right there.
I think he's going to be good.
His elbow seems okay.
Did you guys see that OJ Simpson has a Twitter account now?
I sure did.
I sure did.
I followed him as soon as I figured it out.
732,000 followers already From the looks of this little thing you got here
He might be the only murderer
He's probably the most famous murderer on Twitter
Let's do that
There's George Bush
A lot of politicians
Did you see Angela Merkel
today like shaking
on
at that ceremony
I was scrolling through Twitter earlier today and I stopped on it
and it started like
what the hell was wrong with her
was it that bad or was it like
oh my god
there's a point of reference because there's a guy standing right next to her too
who's just standing there normally and And she's shaking so much.
Like add another 5% to that shaking and it's like she would have toppled over.
It looked like she was having a seizure.
Is it possible you saw – was it a reliable video?
I'm going to hook you up with a video.
Yeah.
It's – I don't know what it is.
It's weird.
Yeah.
They said dehydration.
Yeah.
I'm going to try to find it. That's uh they said dehydration um well yeah i'm gonna try to find that's some
serious dehydration yeah she's also like the leader of the european union or whatever so
you think they'd have like water bottles about to retire right am i crazy i don't know no idea
oh yeah here we go this is this is the one i might be mixing her up oh j. Damn, he looks good for 71. He has a hard time. His knees are real bad.
Okay.
Alright.
Yeah, I'm at zero on this one.
Yeah, I'm at zero as well.
Oh, I'm sorry. I started.
Ready, set, play.
Wow.
Yeah.
You're right about the point of reference guy,
like what it does to the video.
If people listen to this on audio only,
she is doing the jitterbug.
I don't know how to describe it.
She's bouncing up and down mostly.
She doesn't know what to do with her hands.
Her head is shaking.
Okay, so now she's moving indoors behind a podium
and she actually looks pretty normal.
I don't know if this is later.
Yeah, now she's not shaken.
Yeah, she looks okay there.
I gave her injections.
I have since drank at least three glasses of water.
That's what I needed.
I'm doing very well now.
They gave her whatever they gave Hillary
when they drug her into that van.
Dude,
that one,
I hope,
I hope that one secret service agent who caught her and kept her face from
hitting the,
the,
the van just straight up.
Boom.
That dude,
if he didn't get a big raise,
I would be.
Oh no,
he got reprimanded.
You know,
you're never to touch the Madam Secretary.
Did you guys see Trump give his acting chief of staff
a hard time about coughing?
I did not. That sounds funny.
George Stephanopoulos
is in the fucking Oval,
and Trump's trying to defend some collusion
bullshit, and what was
in the Mueller report, etc.
And this guy,
and he's like, I'm sorry.
He coughed over my answer. If you're gonna cough, you can't be in the back and he's like i'm sorry he coughed over my answer if you're gonna cough you
can't be in the room yeah dude he was off he was furious and do it again i'm gonna try and find it
do it again come on and then he looks at the camera and like like resets like it was a movie
or something like he was delivering lines like they're not gonna show the whole thing all right
you want me to take that from the top?
This fucking retard over here is coughing over the funniest part of my answer.
So that's what I said to the old man.
Can you fucking quit?
Yeah, I'm just going to cough over me.
He did not like that.
That's really funny. And it was like, I didn't realize that was his chief of staff.
For some reason, I thought it was like George Stephanopoulos'
chief of staff
it's at 158 I think in this video
can we watch it and discuss it
it's pretty funny
are you guys ready
yeah 158
ready set play
phony polling information
I explained to you last night that it was phony
but you didn't do anything about it but it was late in the evening and perhaps you didn't get a chance
i i didn't see the piece this morning i listened to i've studied those polls i've heard the
explanations i may have made the wrong part it doesn't matter but why does it bother you so much
uh because it's untrue shit this doesn't seem like the right part. I'm sorry.
I was just going off the preview.
Information on your opponent
doesn't happen like that in life.
I saw it on Jimmy Kimmel.
It's not an interference.
They have information.
Getting yelled at for coughing by the president.
It wasn't just that he got yelled at for coughing.
The president was very upset.
He was mad.
He overreacted to a involuntary thing that happens
to every human and perhaps mammal on the planet and it was it was like the guy ripped a fart or
something he's like oh how you can't cough here and then like he reset once or twice and the
internet goes went bonkers with it what's the most high profile fart ever? Like between presidents
or something or like a prime minister
or like generals discussing peace and then
someone trips a gasser? Well, it's not a fart, but
George H.W. did vomit on the
Japanese prime minister. That's
a high profile. Yeah, I can't compete
with that. I watched, there's
a kid who
he just got rejected from
Harvard.
He was a pro-Second Amendment kid, but he was in the Parkland shooting.
Are you familiar with this?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he was on Tucker Carlson's show.
And no one made any comment of it. But I'm like 99% sure he ripped one during the interview.
The kid or Tucker?
The kid.
I think the kid. And I was watching? The kid. I think the kid.
And I was watching Tucker's face for a reaction.
None.
None.
But I'm just so sure it happened.
Do you want me to find it?
It's not that long.
No, I would definitely be in to try and hear a fart on TV.
That vomit on the Japanese Prime Minister or Emperor
or whatever the fuck they have over there,
that's a really funny thing, too.
That was like the...
Like 1991 or something.
We could watch...
Top 10 fart scenes on live TV.
No, that's because they're not real.
High profile...
Oh, they're real.
Oh, they're real.
High profile farts?
What's that going to return for me?
Embarrassing celebrity farts.
Nothing's worse than those MMA fighters who have shat themselves, though.
That is top notch.
Did you see that NBA player?
Like, in 2008 or something,
he got carried off in the playoffs and he was like,
ah,
ah,
my ankle,
my ankle.
And then for the longest time,
people were like,
yeah,
he left for his ankle,
but he came right back immediately afterwards.
So who knows?
And then like this year he admitted like,
yeah,
I pooped my pants a little bit,
but I wasn't about to come out and say that I'd poop my
pants, so I faked an injury.
And I was like, that's pretty cool.
Oh.
Is this the fart?
Why is this...
Nah, it can't be the right one
because it's too old. It was about
the Harvard thing.
Oh.
Kyle Kashuv was there that day.
His child's been through enough without us mocking him.
No, not if he farted
on cable news.
Then we get to riffle.
It wasn't even a trip. It was an interrogation.
Just like we would have. Think of how funny it would be
if Trump just farted loudly
like a bassoon.
Just to reverberate because he's got all that mass
that he's packed on since
hopping in the in the office actually that's not fair he he chunked up a ton initially
now he seems to be maintaining the same level of fat but it's still fatter than he was like
four years ago for sure i have a hard time telling right he has his remember when he wore that ill
fitting tuxedo like three weeks ago two weeks ago um he looked oh no so he wore a tuxedo when he wore that ill-fitting tuxedo like three weeks ago, two weeks ago?
You didn't see that?
Oh, no?
So he wore a tuxedo when he visited the Queen,
and it looked super terrible.
It became like an internet meme,
and it didn't fit right,
and it's hard to fit him right.
He looks bad.
But then other times I agree with Taylor.
It looks the same as he has for two years now.
We're such a fat country that he's super fat,
and people are still like,
well, you know, he's not ridiculous.
Because you walk around the streets,
and you're like, Jesus!
What the fuck?
Speaking of embarrassing vomit stuff, I was at the Blues Stanley Cup Parade
this past weekend,
and it was a madhouse. i've never seen that many people
in the city before and it it was just insane like we we left we got up super super early like
6 45 7 in the morning and got all ready and got our supply we already had our supplies and i went
down to a buddy's place who lives near there and we hopped on the metro and it got to the point
that it was like japan where every time the metro would come
that was going to take us to the city it was already full and i was like oh fuck all right
what we're gonna have to do is go to the other side of the platform ride the metro all the way
down to the end and then loop back into the city and that it sucked it took fucking forever but it
was worth it once you got down there it's a really cool energy a lot of fun and uh it was i could i
could barely see the parade there were so many people like it couldn't even hardly see it was
still worth it for the environment and the energy and everything so i was stoked on that but uh the
blues have a rookie named robert thomas not the lead singer of matchbox 20 the uh the hl player
and he is 19 years old and they were like pictures on twitter all day of him like
high-fiving people like tall boys in hand just getting like really fucked up nobody cares because
he just won the stanley cup and he was in like the back of a convertible driving in the parade
and everybody's like whoa yeah he and some other player in there and they're all cheering and like
catching beers and drinking them and out of nowhere he just goes just just a just a you know like not the i'm so drunk i need to vomit feeling the oh my god i've
drank six bud lights in the last 30 minutes because i have people keep handing them to me
and my stomach is so full of foam kind of vomit.
He had one of those, kind of like the kind you had,
Kyle, when you shotgunned that beer years
and years ago. Oh my god, yeah. But it was way
worse than that because it was just a
plume of beer foam
all over the place and everybody was like, oh!
He's like, sits
up, indicates that he's okay,
and was like, yeah!
Nobody cared. Did he play much? He's 19.
Yeah. He played some
in the regular season.
He's a pretty highly touted prospect.
He played on our third line and fourth
line quite a bit in the later part
of the playoffs. He played great.
Great puck mover. Good at setting up chances
and creating space. He got hit really hard
by Krug in game three,
and it exacerbated, like he had a partially broken wrist,
and then I think it fully fucked up his wrist.
And then we found out that Orion O'Reilly had been playing
with a cracked rib since the first round, still won the consmite.
Zidane O'Chara's jaw wasn't just fractured,
it was broken in at least three places.
Noel Achari,
one of the physical players for the Bruins,
had been playing since the second round,
I think, with a broken sternum,
which I don't
know how you play with a broken sternum.
And then, of course, so many
ankles and wrists.
NHL always goes like that. It's like,
Teresanko's not quite as good as I thought he'd
be the day after he's out of the playoffs. Teresanko in for wrist, shoulder, and knee surgery.
Frankly, by end of it, I feel like I am literally dying.
But, you know, I want the win cup.
So, yeah, it was a really cool time.
I love how hard the NHL teams party when they win like they go bananas
brett hall all-star like a hall of famer played for the blues throughout the 90s he has been drunk
for weeks before the night the night before the parade's gonna start a clip just showed up on
twitter and someone's like yeah i i camped out downtown it's and at 4 a.m i heard somebody yelling
and so i looked into the middle of the empty road and i saw brett hall wasted by himself
walking down you know cheering saying let's go oh he was so drunk trying to give his like
commencement speech at the end of it you know there's half a million plus people there so many people and i couldn't even get up to see the stage i was in like a totally different
area with a giant tv on city hall or something and he he goes he couldn't get his cheers right
it's obviously let's go blues it's let's go canes it's let's go insert Insert team name here. And he goes, we went blues.
And he realizes at the end of it, he got it wrong.
He's like, we went.
Well, we already went, so we don't need to go back anymore.
Everybody's like, yeah, we went blues, Brad.
Good for you.
He's been a joy to watch, justout i was at the uh the canes game
it was one to one i think and it's like game three of the series for the stanley cup
it's the detroit red wings against the blues we're winning you know we like i'm playing but
the canes are winning they're about to go ahead in the series. It's the end of the third period. With like one minute
left, Brett Hull scores the
game-tying goal in Game 3 of the
Stanley Cup Finals. Skates
back. I'm sitting right behind him.
In my head,
he makes eye contact with me
and sticks his tongue
out at me. Now, I'm sure it was to his
teammates or something, but
that's how I remember it. Brett Hull
fucking scored the game-tying
goal, sends it into overtime, and stuck his
tongue out at me.
What an asshole.
I remember that fucking
asshole.
Stuck my tongue out at him.
That year, we went
to Wings. Randy Santel
also from St. Louis, Missouriouri so two things you can be
happy with who is randy santel the eating guy oh be proud he's probably pretty stoked on the blues
as well then probably so so i became a like an nba fan this year and jeremy lin has been one of
the players i've always kind of pulled for forever if you guys don't know jeremy lin uh he's this harvard graduate
only asian dude i can think of in the nba and they were like lynn sanity was a big thing back when he
was in the knicks and he was just not a highly touted prospect who for a while became one of
the nba's greatest stars last year he was all set to like have a big role on his team and he got a
major injury in like game one or two he won it this year and i guess i didn't
realize he literally didn't play a minute in the like finals like not even a second he was just
rode the bench the entire time and now he did an interview today like do i deserve a ring am i even
part of this team i mean i helped him practice and like, oh, I feel so sad for him.
Did he play in the first three rounds?
Yes.
Not every game.
Oh, then he deserves it.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, but he helped him get to the finals.
He was a piece of the team.
He helped him practice.
He's part of the team.
He's Jeremy Lin.
He's really good.
Everybody gets a ring anyway.
Yeah, that's a weird thought to have.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know how they do it in, like, basketball.
Because they don't etch their names in anything. I sure like their names go in the basketball hall of fame or
something but they hand out a new trophy every year and then at least in hockey the organization
makes their own rings so they can hand them out to whoever they want so like a fucking you know
accountant might get a ring yeah you know what happened if it wasn't for the way you sold popcorn
we'd have never been here.
Have you heard the story about Bob Craft losing
one of his rings? No.
The owner of the Patriots? No.
What did he do? He went to Russia.
And he showed
Vladimir Putin his gigantic
Super Bowl ring. And Vladimir
Putin looked at it and he said, wow.
You could kill a man with this.
It's so big.
Then he put it in his pocket and walked away.
That is a big dick maneuver, my friend.
That's pretty.
I would be like.
The Bush administration told Bob.
Yes, this is not made up.
The Bush administration told Robert Kraft, it would be better if when asked
about this incident you just said that it was a gift yeah i gifted vladimir putin a super bowl
ring because we're just pals you know so vladimir putin has one of bob kraft's super bowl rings
in the kremlin somewhere.
He just now,
oh boy,
he's like,
all right,
and before we get into business today,
I have to tell you
something happened earlier.
I talked to Kraft.
You know,
he come from America.
He show me ring.
I say,
this so big,
you can kill man with this.
Look in his eye.
Put it in my pocket.
No, I'm serious!
I'm serious, Sergey!
It's still right there!
He just took it!
He was so fucking pissed!
That is so funny.
He just fucking took it!
I wonder if Mom Mom Craft, how I feel about that,
because he does have six rings.
He was very upset.
Where is he now?
He can get another one. he now on the another one
the now is the thing because he was like only like recently has he come out and talked about
it because the bush administration told him to hush about it because of international relations
like only recently has he been like i was really like like um sentimental about that ring it had
a lot of value to me you know this was probably one of the I don't know the whole Patriots Super Bowl record or anything
but it was
2004-ish or
between 2000 and
2008.
How many did they win there?
Maybe two? Three?
I don't know. They win one every couple years.
Maybe it has less value to him now
that he has five more.
I don't know, dude.
It's not like he's got 30 of them. It's a weird thing.
He can always have more done, right?
And it's not like it was a wedding ring.
It's not like that's the one he wore in the ceremony that the priest blessed.
It's just something he bought from Jostens or whatever the fuck.
Well, no.
They have them like all made at once.
And they're not cheap they're
like ridiculously they're cheap to him yeah that's true i just don't know how easy it would be for
him to have another one duplicated the patriots would make him another one for sure oh i mean he
owns the patriots yeah like yeah like he just tells wherever their ring guy is all right make
me another one well apparently you apparently. You know what?
Sometimes I lose these. Make two.
Honey, you taking your ring
with you to Yugoslavia? No.
No. Never again
to any Eastern Bloc country.
Absolutely not. No.
No. You never know when some ex-KGB
thug is going to just rob
you in front of cameras and the media.
Oh, have you been...
Taylor, have you been up on the Iran thing?
A little bit.
A little bit.
Mostly it's been hockey for me the past few weeks,
overwhelmingly.
Oh, good for you.
But I know that they're staging some false flag shit
like they always do,
and it's the usual suspects coming out,
the same neoconservatives.
Oh, we got to go to war with Iran.
They bombed a fucking tanker with no structure, no reason, no rhyme to it.
They just did it at the time where we were on the lookout for it.
Wow, that's almost as dumb as Assad gassing people in an attack that had no advantage whatsoever
on the same day that the UN is there inspecting for chemical weapon use.
Oh, man, we fall into a lot of coincidences here
with our wars.
Yeah, I don't buy any of it.
I think it's the same Iraq stuff.
I think it's the same Syria stuff.
They just want us in another war.
Like, I don't trust any of these fucking liars.
You wouldn't know yellow cake uranium
if it rained into the St. Louis Blues Stadium, all right?
These people are keeping us safe.
More importantly, they're keeping Saudi Arabian oil safe.
You should have said you wouldn't know
yellow cake or uranium if they served it to you
for your birthday.
That would be the line.
Oh, that would have been good.
I like that.
Yeah, it's probably, it seems a little fishy.
Taylor says it with such confidence.
Of course, he doesn't have any evidence,
but neither do we.
I have history to look at,
and they do this all the time
to get us involved in wars.
I don't know if you know this part of it,
but Japan said that they were hit
by a flying missile,
and America is saying that it was a mine.
And I don't know a mine from a fucking ski boat,
but the damage is really above the waterline,
and that confuses me.
And they say Iran did it, and Iran, as that attack happened,
he was with the prime minister of Japan, the president of Iran.
Well, he could have had someone else do it for him.
No, I know.
I'm saying it doesn't make sense
does not make sense at all i don't buy it i'm tired of these wars and they just
they'll make up anything to get us involved in trump is sending thousands of troops to the
exact same people in the media yeah he's sending intelligence guys and reconnaissance people
jesus christ okay about A thousand of them.
I don't think those details were in the article.
Hope nothing happens to them.
You can see so many side-by-sides of journalists from 2002 who said with utmost confidence,
Iraq has weapons of mass destruction.
We got to get in there.
They're going to nuke the world.
They're going to do this and that. We can't let them do it. We need to get rid of Saddam. We need to get rid of this destruction, we gotta get in there. They're gonna nuke the world. They're gonna do this and that.
We can't let them do it. We need to get rid of Saddam.
We need to get rid of this leader, that leader. And then these
same exact people in many instances.
16 years later, writing the
exact same types of articles based on
still what? Intelligence
that we get? This intelligence that never
seems to come true? These pipes?
These gas attacks?
All this stuff.
Even if stuff is happening, why are we involved over there which first of all is not fucking happening what
incentive does iran have to piss us off you know what would get me excited if they were like you
know what this oil shit is going bonkers we're going to invest in an electric infrastructure
that doesn't involve so much oil.
Well, we should do that, definitely.
What if they took the trillion dollars
they're about to spend on a war
and put it in, I don't know, windmills
or nuclear or
solar? It's not even about that, I don't think.
If it weren't, if we were 100%
sustainable electric power, we would still
be doing the exact same thing we were doing over there.
There's a lot of it's to hedge against
who we perceive our enemies in the world
to be. For them gaining
regional power. That's
what they want to do.
We are the main producers of oil in the world.
I have
heard that.
It's pretty much
us and Canada.
But the number one oil producer might be
18%.
It doesn't mean we make half of it or anything.
Of course not.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's probably going to go the same way. It's always gone.
Actually,
if they start a war with Iran,
I feel like too many people think,
oh yeah, we stomped Iraq,
stomped Afghanistan,
ruined those countries for generations,
destroyed them.
No wonder those people hate us.
It's a hobby.
It's a good reason.
Sometimes we do that.
And people are like,
yeah, Iran,
just another shitty dirt country
that we can bowl over.
It's like they have the best natural defenses on earth.
They ran a simulation in the early 2000s to see how a war would go versus Iran.
And they stopped the war game simulation after one day,
because after one day of the boots on the ground civilization,
the U.S.
Invasion,
rather the U.S.
Had lost 20,000 troops.
Iran and Iraq are next to each other and practically spelled the same.
I just don't know why you think we're going to land
and invade them, though.
Oh, well, I mean, you have to have some boots
on the ground.
Do you? Yeah. Clinton didn't.
Clinton didn't?
He must be talking about the Yugoslavia,
like the Bosnia-Yugoslavia.
Yeah, the Bosnians.
They just sent bombers over.
Serbo-Croatians, Bosnians, Croatians.
You can completely bomb away their infrastructure.
What did
Iran even do to us?
They attacked a Japanese
tanker.
Really?
The actual answer, I think, is
they're talking about moving away from the American
dollar for oil.
It seems like every time someone talks about that, we
drum up some reason to go to war.
So as soon as they talk about that, they bomb
a ship.
They finance a lot of terrorist organizations, too.
I mean, so do we.
The moderate rebels that we fund,
they're just like hat switchers
of every single one of those other people.
The brave Mujahideen will not be yeah called terrorists okay it's like you never saw a rambo terrorist
they will burn you alive
yeah they are brave and gallant i i'm here's the thing this might be stupid i might not know
anything about world affairs
because i base it on uh civilizations but why does china get over there sim citying for decades
for a hundred years well we had to invest all our shit in crossbows and whatnot i don't know
i don't know it's pretty frustrating though right yeah i enjoy this maybe we'll get a nice show
this is the i don't mean to i try not to be like
crazy anti-trump about everything i like a lot of things he's doing i like his trade war with
china and a couple other stuff but this is like oh man i wish i had a more like competent global
understanding president right now shit's getting weird and he hasn't done anything wrong maybe we
will get a war though those are always fun
you know like it's always a good time that's what the american people probably want like it'd be
really popular to get us involved in another war yeah i mean we're already there it always is
people are done at this point like people don't even like the fact we're still in the middle east
now like they've seen more done than before but i've never seen an unpopular war in my life.
Well, it's also because our views
are structured so much from the media,
and the media is overwhelmingly right and left,
incredibly pro-intervention,
and incredibly pro-war.
All they have to do is drum up some shock and all bullshit,
and we'll all be rooting for them,
like our team made the Super Bowl Stanley Cup.
Oh, it's so good. We really know
how to put on a show.
We'll be glued to our televisions watching.
I love it! Dude, every war
the coverage gets better.
Every war!
It'll be in 4K.
They'll have complete faith that our
smart missiles will hit exactly where they
want. They'll be interviewing retired generals who explain how the fucking Abrams ABC LQB, you know, has more power on its fucking warhead than it's ever had before.
And it hits exactly where we're going to go through this window and still take out the bad guy inside without damaging the paint.
I love it when they talk about the machinery.
Oh, the helicopters and the tanks.
Yeah.
How fast can it fly?
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
They'll be talking about some drone,
how long it stays aloft,
and what the systems are.
Americans will be jerking off to Fox, CNN, and MSNBC.
If it's anything less than like AT-style Star Wars walkers
If we invented one of those
People would be okay with the war
Because they'd be like, you know, I'm super against this
But let's, you know, they did put GoPros
On all of them and you can watch it on YouTube
If they invented that, we'd be the bad guys
Taylor, can't we invent something
The good guys were?
Like why do we have to have to have at walkers and death stars
i don't know it's just something cool are we the baddies i feel like we're the baddies
who cares if we're the baddies after it oh yeah and and i will see i also worry because trump
i think is capable of thinking like this that he would say, you know, war would be good for my re-election.
And it would. You know, the polls have been coming out.
I know it's so early. It's so early people put too much emphasis on how Trump's losing every poll. Dude, we don't know anything bad about these Democrats yet.
Buttigieg is going to come out and deal with this. Alexandria Ocasio-Perez said we had
concentration camps on the southern border today.
Oh, did she not?
Didn't go over well.
No. Yeah, but she can't run for president. She's not old enough.
She's not running. That's true.
Of course not. She's got way too much
lipstick on, too. That is going to hold
her back. I did see that
funny picture of Buttigieg
drinking a beer
or something next to two other people being like
doing the boilerplate like unrelatable
thing that all of these people struggle
and suck at. And he drinks
through a glass bottle
the way like a seven-year-old does,
where he wraps his whole lips around it.
Buttigieg does?
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, come on! Don't drink like that.
When I hear more of what buddha
joe says especially let the slips happen let let biden whatever grab some woman's tits or like
whatever biden does um smell her hair i don't know caress her upper her bottom teeth yeah
just like you know and then the like it always does the incumbent and the challenger will be much closer than they look right now.
Biden's not going to beat Trump by 11 points.
That's outrageous.
Biden might die.
Trump might die.
Any of these people could die.
Well, a lot of them could.
They're all old as shit.
Or most of them are old as shit.
A lot of them, yeah.
Biden, Trump, Warren, and Sanders.
Sanders?
Yeah, they're all very old.
Bernie's almost fucking 80.
Warren looks good for her age, but I think she's pretty old.
Yeah, she's not going to get elected.
I think she's like early 70s, late 60s.
69.
Oh, and her birthday's in like four days.
So call her 70.
Oh, happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
So, yeah, I don't know.
All these, I can't say the words,
sedgitarian running against each other.
How do the Cherokees celebrate birthdays?
Scalpings.
Y'all gotta watch that.
He can't do that.
He just flips over another batch of hair.
I'm scalp-proof.
Try again, you dumb bitch.
I've been preparing for this for 20 years.
Well, we're long over time.
Do you guys want to wrap?
Yeah, I'm going to make some food.
PKN 252.