Painkiller Already - PKN #29

Episode Date: March 13, 2015

In this weeks episode of PKN, the guys talk more about the upcoming paintball trip in April and some Reddit stories!

we're live painkiller nearly episode 29 is this this is the second one where we've had the new layout right um i think so i think i'm right on that yeah i think it's the yeah it is yeah i guess so yeah i think yeah i remember because i i sort of tested the the tech on painkilling that's true but it's the first pkn where we can see you people don't know i have two cameras in front of me now one so kyle can see me in my handsome antics and the other is so that we can record it so stepping up in tech a little you wonder where your patreon money goes dual cameras so let's hear that joke oh all right what is whitney houston's favorite type of coordination what is whitney houston's favorite type of coordination what is whitney houston's

favorite type of coordination um i don't know that's awful that's your that's the worst one ever i thought it was going to be like something about her drowning in that bathtub after overdosing on drugs but but it's it's just it's just terrible but the delivery was good right the delivery was pretty good um i feel like my mom wouldn't tell that joke though um that that was the worst one yet good job excellent yes all right well i am to disappoint i hit my mark not even mildly amused by that one. That's how poor it was. Good job. That's a winner.

Because we kind of have been missing the mark. You've been liking some of the jokes lately. Yeah, sometimes they're good. Yeah, we can't have that. And certainly can't have too many of them. So that's all taken care of. Bam. All right, first topic.

Paintball? Sure. Do you want to talk about... So I guess we got the dates confirmed. It's April, the weekend of April 11th. 11th and 12th, right? Yeah, April 11th and 12th at PB Explosion outside of Chicago. It's actually in a nicer area than CPX was.

It's more of an urban area. You know how CPX is really out of the way? I don't know. I'm always surprised when we get to CPX and they have big uh psp events and there's hundreds and hundreds of people i'm like what really they all found their way here uh but this place is in a more urban area near a lot of nice restaurants and stuff or at least restaurants i like and uh and so it's all set up we're hold off don't contact them don't uh try to like buy a package or reserve a date or anything like that because we are like we're creating packages for the fans for our fans who are going to be

there and they're going to get to name them yeah we just got some ideas here so yeah so on woody craft if you like the lowest rank is peasant right and i mean business model behind this you're kind of inspired to get a better rank than the free one and so i think the first rank you know the cheapest package could be peasant and the highest package should totally be rape squad killer i like that i'd like a professional russian package in there somewhere like and it doesn't have to be better or worse than anything it would just could just be different maybe the professional rocket russian package comes with you know smoke bombs and and with smoke bombs and paintball grenades and stuff like that, and that's its little caveat.

So now we think you could come up with balanced classes. This is like making a game mode. Yeah, yeah. You don't get the good gun, but you get six grenades, and they take out buildings, so that's a thing. Yeah, I'm going to do something like that. So hold off on doing anything other than setting the thing and you know that yeah do something like that so so hold off on

like doing anything other than setting the thing they can do so too now that you set the date aside it's the 11th and 12th i imagine we fly in on the 10th and fly out like late on the 12th but i'm just guessing and um uh oh their website i think it's pbbomb.com. Bomb, B-O-M-B, you know. And if you want to go there and look at their, like, you can go to gallery and photos and see their maps and stuff like that. I'm pretty sure pbbomb.com. I'm not sure that's it. Can you confirm it?

Yeah, I will confirm it. And another little cool thing they've got there, they've got, like, a game room. So they've got, like, eight Xbox Ones set up with a bunch of games, controllers, and big screen TVs and stuff. So they've got there they've got like a game room so they've got like eight xbox one set up with a bunch of games controllers and big screen tvs and stuff so they got like a gaming room we'll be able to we'll be able to uh play some games in there and yeah this is it there can't be too many paintball explosions outside chicago totally it's pvbomb.com so if you check them out you can see uh the thing it's supposed to be awesome it's supposed to be one of the like the super paintball fields like a disney world of paintball if that's your thing

yeah i'm looking forward to it i played uh i played this past weekend and had a lot of fun it was the first time i played in a long time and it was my first time testing out that die damn that uh that super gun yeah and when i at first i played with my geo a little bit which is a very nice gun it's like 1400 bucks or something like that right it's a nice gun it's a nicer version of what i use which is an axe and nobody nobody really took notice of they're like oh yeah he's got a cool gun okay whatever and but then when i broke out the die damn you know it's like a rifle and it's got this big box rotor magazine on it and it's like a $2,000 setup. Everybody's just like, are you in the army?

What the fuck? Oh, hell no. Nah. It was like these two older black ladies who brought this kid with them. And first thing that happened is she got shot in the pussy. She was wearing like. Oh, no. Yeah, she's wearing leggings. These red legs.

Her thighs. That's a terrible choice. Her thighs were each about like, I'm going to guess, 30 inches each. And she got shot right in the pussy. It was great. And she's trying to wipe it off. So I look over, and she's just rubbing her crotch, seriously trying to get the blue paint off her pussy.

It was great. That was funny. That's fantastic. And there were so many kids. I played at Paintball Atlanta or something like that. If you guys want to show up, maybe they'll start letting me play for free. Actually, they let me play for free anyway. Maybe they'll give me paint for free.

So they've got a few small fields there. It's nothing like what we're going to go do. But there was lots, and I mean lots, of little kids with rental guns. It was glorious. We started out and it was like as the the day went on more people showed up so at first it was like four versus four but by the end of the day it was more like seven or eight versus eight i got i got three aces where you know i got the entire team wow and one of them was when it was seven guys i just i start running up the right side of the field and

i just and i was like nobody's really looking at me and i'm like nobody's still looking at me what the fuck and i just kept going and somebody looked at me and i just started shooting from the hip with that damn and it's just and they just all jump back behind their shit so i uh i stopped for a moment and i shoot two guys really quickly and the ref calls them both out. And then I continue around. When I get around the side, I didn't know it at the time, but there were three very small children. I'm going to guess 11, maybe 12 years old. They were so small.

I feel like I could pick them up above my head and throw them over a car. That's that's the size they were. That's our unit of measurement. That's my unit of measurement. Okay. that's that's the size they were that's our unit of measurement that's my unit of measure okay so i come around and i don't have time to be like you guys are all out okay because there's more people to deal with after i'm done with them there's two more guys i think three five seven yeah there's two more guys who are adults that i gotta deal with after these guys so as i run

around their bunker that shit it's shit like a v and they're in that V hiding, like all bundled together. So as I run around it, I just go. And rake from left to right. And the first kid takes one in the back. The second kid takes two. The third kid takes one. I hear screams of horror and pain. Kind of giggle to myself.

And then just fucking keep going. And the other two guys they have no idea i'm there so i'm just like tit tit tit tit tit tit tit and the game was over and they're like game over and everybody's like what the fuck just happened that's awesome it was uh it was a good day i i uh i really enjoyed that gun that gun worked out nicely uh and i didn't even shoot any first strikes i I was just shooting regular paint. I had a great time. So I'm going to be playing every weekend.

And you've been getting in shape for this, right? Like you're literally lifting weights and running for paintball. Yeah. I'm hitting the heavy bag. I'm working on my cardio. Doing lots of squats and deadlifts. Box jumps. Trying to work on my acceleration. I'm going to get some resistance bands. Do some three-point football drills. Try to work on my acceleration. I'm going to get some resistance bands. Do some three-point football drills.

Try to work on my 40 time. I've been dieting. I'm down to 173 pounds now. Going to be a small target, hopefully. I'm really going to take this seriously and have a very good time when I get you guys out there. You're insane. Yeah, you guys can all shoot me. I don't give a fuck.

You can't do something half-assed. You've got to go 100%. You can go no-assed. You could go no-assed, but that just wouldn't be fun for me. I can't do that. We'll see. Hopefully I'm decent. The trouble is this place sells good guns.

When we played at CPX Sports, I think this was called, the rental guns were slow. They're like mechanically gravity-fed hoppers and tipmans so that you couldn't shoot straight and you couldn't shoot fast and i shot both straight and fast because i had better equipment it's and also the you know like it's very rare with a gun like the empire axe like you shoot to have a ball like get chopped because the laser eyes are really effective and it's also rare to break one of the barrel because it's good paint it's good barrel so for the most part your gun shoots like it's supposed to but with tipman 98s with shake and shoot hoppers you chop balls sometimes they break in the barrel sometimes and a new player doesn't

even notice so his paintballs are going out and just like veering left, right, up and down. Like he's a tenth as effective as you are. Which is awesome for me. And we can play them 10 versus 1 by numbers and still just buff. We'll do 70 versus 7 and win every time. But this place sells good guns. So, I mean, I'm thinking if they buy like their Ape Squad Killer Package, they should be on our team. I'm strongly considering, and I just thought of this I just thought of this and I'm like yeah

I might have to fucking do that cuz all right so so All my paintball gear that I'm that I'm getting I'm getting a bunch of new stuff is all blue and black and white And I'm thinking I just realized that in Braveheart remember he had like half realized that in Braveheart, remember he had like half his face painted blue? I'm really considering painting half a face blue now like William Wallace, like Mel Gibson. But instead of like going out there with a Scottish accent, I'm thinking maybe just be Mel Gibson and start calling people sugar tits and talking about the Jews. I feel like that would be a lot. I don't see what could go wrong.

That sounds like a great idea. So yeah, it's going to be good. I don't see what could go wrong. That sounds like a great idea. So yeah, it's going to be good. I'm going to make some, I make a couple of videos promoting this thing. And, uh, obviously you guys are watching here and on PKA.

So I think we're going to get a couple hundred fans to show up out there, especially since we've got a full month, uh, plus of lead time. And we've been talking about this thing at it for a while. Uh, even up and see, I remember,

um, I did an airsoft event. It was probably a year and a half ago and i was really worried i wouldn't pull any players it's scary like i like they're doing this thing they had a booth set up for me to sign signatures and everything and i was like oh my god you know what if what if one person comes or no one comes right like i think one or two people be even more awkward and be like all right so we're gonna be one-on-one friends all day, I guess. You and me, my only fan.

But there were like a lot of people came. I had over 100 people come, that's for sure. And I was signing stuff all day long and playing and whatever. It worked out really successful because people liked the game and they liked hanging out with me and everything went well. Yeah, that's how all the events that we've done in the past have gone. I did that one event by myself and then after that, everybody started going and we did two or three afterwards. I feel like they've all went pretty well.

The attendance wasn't always hundreds, but that wasn't our fault a lot of the times. A lot of times we were getting mashed in with living legends, so I feel like a lot of the people who were like our guys who showed up because we talked about it were gonna come anyway or that or they just didn't get counted and they're just out in the mix but this will be different this is gonna be like youtuber guys you're over here this is where we're staging up we've got our own like two or three private refs and you know we're over here and like you know woody and i'll be like okay well

we'll let's play on nuketown. Let's do it again. Let's do it again. If we want to play Nuketown ten times in a row, we'll play Nuketown ten times in a row. And they've already expressed interest in doing another one of these July 12th. And we haven't even...

This one's a month and ten days out and they're already like, could we have first shot at doing another one of these in July? And it's like, yeah, okay, sure. Is Wolf coming? I don't think so oh doesn't he live nearby or am i crazy canada oh that's right he was in canada yeah so it would take us

but in some in my head he lived right nearby and it was like dude you should swig over but yeah it's not like i'll mention it to him i'll let him know we're going there and it'd be cool to have him there but uh he's in canada yeah yeah so it's not just something you can do and you did i know he's got kids and stuff you might have him that weekend and crazy things happen yeah i was talking to him yes uh today actually i was trying to get some trying to figure out what uh like tactical vest he wears because i want you know because you know the paintball gun my gun uses magazines like like this so like i have these all over me because you're insane yeah it's i'm i'm so excited i i've never shot a uh i've shot first strikes out of

that tiberius rifle before it's just a whole nother thing it's it's electronic it does three round burst and fully automatic and i'm really excited about the the prospect of she oh and i got my camera set up it's got the go GoPro mounted right behind the scope it looks straight through my scope it looks great I ordered a new GoPro I got that we're talking about earlier the $500 GoPro for black edition I got that thing in and a pile of accessories so I'm gonna be wearing at least three cameras and we'll see how good your videos are and when you get them up. Because I know how excited you are. And that's a positive sign.

I'll get an editor and I'll be on top of it. And I guess that's the question. Whether we want to bring our own cameraman to film the event and make vlogs. Remember that guy who had a whole itinerary planned? Right, he was behind the How I Became stuff. The only challenge is he's European. Oh, it doesn't work. Yeah, I mean, it'd just be really expensive

to fly a European cameraman out to Chicago and put him up and all that crazy stuff. I don't know. There was one European guy I saw. I i was reading comments and he said something like he was flying and the the flight was like 530 pound or something like that that's like a million dollars fucking pounds yeah it's getting close to it if i had to guess i would say 530 pounds equates to like 800 or something like that with one stop along the way so So that's not terrible, but that is a very committed fan. Yeah, that's a lot. And I think it might be higher, but I could be wrong. It totally could be. So yeah, that thing's set up. It's going to

happen. It's 100%. I haven't been able to talk them into flashbangs yet because I really wanted to do flashbangs, but I did talk them into smoke bombs. And I was thinking, like, we were joking around about the different packages. I was like, well, maybe, like, what was your highest package? Rape Squad Killer. Yeah, the Rape Squad Killer package.

Maybe everyone who's a Rape Squad Killer package gets some rubber gloves, some zip ties. You know, they're cheap enough that you can just throw them in there and it makes it the RSK package. And maybe we don't call it rape squad killer maybe we just hashtag rsk on the that package and just leave it to the imagination you can see what's in it uh and then like maybe a professional russian package and that guy's got like a bunch of smoke grenades and paintball grenades added to it something like that so you know those the packages aren't necessarily better

than each other the race squad killer totally totally needs a foam knife or something that they can tag people out with. I'd like that a lot. There's going to be a peasant package or whatever, not to make anyone feel bad, but it'll be affordable. Think of it that way. There you go. An affordable package so that even if you're on a budget, you'll be able to come out

and have a good time and meet us. There's a lot of camaraderie involved. I'm bringing a bunch of gear. I'll totally let one of you guys shoot some of my shit. Because I got three or four very nice guns that I'm bringing. So it'll be a good time. Yeah. It'll be cool.

It'll be cool. And one thing that I think a lot of people don't think is going to happen going in. Is that you get to spend a lot of time with us if you place any value on that whatsoever. I know most people who know me don't. But if you've never met me before, maybe you're maybe you're like i'd like to hang out with kyle i'd like to chat with him a little bit and and we totally do that in these events we end up you know hanging out with each other and and playing all day and and getting to know each other maybe we'll go out to dinner maybe we'll have a good time maybe i'll take you back to my hotel room for some

some fun times oh oh salad sandwich segue is this a good time to talk about your girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend. Oh, okay. Okay. I'm trying to think of something else to talk about. That was the one I was headed to. Come up with a topic, Kyle. I have a story, kind of.

There's this story? You know how I sometimes read stories during Painkiller Nearly? Mm-hmm. Well I actually... Oh I like those. Yeah so now it's kind of like jokes as I run across them during the week I bookmark them and prep them. So are you ready? 100%. Today I fucked up by using lube on my mom. I was dating this gorgeous blonde in high school. We'll call her Sarah. And my daily routine would be to come home from school, get in bed, have sex, and then watch some tube until she came home. She started taking birth control and it messed with her ability to get wet. At least that's what she told me.

So we decided to go to a sex shop and get some water-based lube to help with that. I have to put a visual in your head, so bear with me. Get it? Bear? Okay, back to the story. Here we are, feeling extra horny this particular day, and we started our ritual and things were going great. She would jack me off with lube in her hands, and I would finger her with lube on mine. Things were getting pretty juicy, and we decided to experiment with all the holes. Using our juicy hands, we grabbed the bottle of lube and squirted some on us. We placed some down on the nightstand and leaving a film of lube, pussy juice, ball hair and saliva on the bottle. I got halfway into her before realizing I needed more lube. I grabbed the bottle, poured some on me, proceeded to stroke myself to get it spread out. Then I placed the bottle on the nightstand,

leaving an extra film of ass juice. The bottle remained there even after we were finished. We got cleaned up and proceeded to the ritual by watching some tube. I assume this is television. Just in time for the parents to return home from work. And we're both laying there, satisfied, worn out, and blood red. In walks mom. How was school?

It was alright. Did you do anything exciting? No, not really. What's this? She picks up the bottle of lube, and Sarah and I go pale. Is this lube? Yeah, I said, thinking of waiting out of the awkward situation. You know how Sarah's ankle and foot pains? I used that to rub her feet. I thought this would work. You know, I was a kid who just finished having sex. Dodged a bullet there. Oh really? So you wouldn't mind rubbing my feet with it then? His mother explains.

Shit. Mom, I'd really rather not. My hands are still tired from rubbing her feet earlier. Oh no! I insist. If you really use it for her feet, then it'd be no problem using it on my feet. Just do it, Sarah says.

I stand up and grab the sticky bottle from her hands, imagining all the liquids that are caked on it. All the while, Sarah's sitting on the floor, imagining the same thing. It's eerily quiet, and I pour a bit of lube in my hands. Am I really about to do this i thought

to myself mom lays on the bed with her feet towards me she closes her eyes tilts her head back i feel as though i should just confess and get this awkward shit over with but i believe my determination and not wanting to hear the sex talk at this point made me proceed to rub my hands together with lube at this point with my hands all lubed up and contaminated i place them on my mom's feet i start giving a half-ass massage with a completely disgusted look on my face i try to close my eyes and imagine it to be sarah just to help with the nausea a little bit make sure you get my ankles really well that sure did fuck up the mental picture here i am rubbing pussy ass and dick lube on my mom's feet and ankles while she's grunting this is indeed

rock-bottom I stare at Sarah with the hey we're in this together look let's not forget a disgusted concerned shameful look as well it goes on for the longest 60 seconds of my life mom explains okay I'm done she stands up and puts her socks back on I walked to the bathroom to wash my hands off with close to boiling water in my return my mom's standing there with sarah sitting on the bed we're all standing there in shame of what we just did then it dawned on me mom knew the entire time she just wanted to teach us a lesson that we'll never forget before she leaves the doorway she looks at me sternly and says stops having sex in my house needless to say i started hiding my lube as carefully as i hid my weed too long

mom alpha the shit out of me so there it is um guy used lube to massage his mom's feet uh with all sorts of contamination from the bottle because Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah, yeah. That's a mom. That's bizarre. Yeah. Mom's a little weird. Yeah, Woody's mom isn't even up for that. She'd be down. Come on.

Did you ever get the sex talk or anything like that? No. Nothing? Hmm. As a little kid, it started from when I was like 12. Did you ever get the sex talk or anything like that? No. Nothing? No. As a little kid, it started from when I was like 12. My father was always trying to convince me that there was like scads of women out there trying to have sex with me. And that I needed to protect myself. And I'm like, Dad, I swear to you, these women aren't out there.

There's no one trying to have sex with me at all. I've been looking. Not one. there like there's no one trying to have sex with me at all i've been looking yeah you know at some point when i'm like 15 or so i'm like you know what the defenses aren't really up if i'm honest with you dad there's just no one who wants to have sex with me but you know he always told the story as if there were just women lining up trying to get pregnant and lock me into some kind of mistake. And when I was 17, I was with this girl and we were having a topless pillow fight in my bedroom which we weren't having sex but it was probably headed that way. And we had had sex a thousand times before. But my parents came home during a topless pillow fight and they wanted to like come

up to my room and I'm like no no no not a good time and uh you know they they stopped in their tracks and and and left and afterwards I got the talk and it was in that same vein like you know she's don't get her pregnant use condoms this and that and and that and they were like to them they had just discovered that I wasn't a virgin anymore they're like well I guess the cat's out of the bag now you know protect yourself etc but to me thank god i don't know i never never got got any kind of a talk but but to my credit like i don't think i ever really needed one it was just seemed like common sense i feel like the kids who like got pregnant at 15 like generally speaking i know accidents that heat of a moment

maybe just not prepared maybe it's a weird scenario that happens but and some guys you know they're the heat of the moment or or they or they're trying to pull out but they haven't quite figured out when to pull out yet i don't understand that okay like i hear that all the time and and i hear like i i've suggested to girls before i said i'll just pull out and they're like that's what they all say and i'm like really like they fail at this i was like i have never failed at that once not ever ever ever i have i know at what point i started ejaculating like i've been there a few times before this isn't my first rodeo but like to me that was a skill i learned in like late teens early 20s yeah yeah well so so i'm not like you you know there was a time when i wasn't

as good at it as i am now and not to say that i was like some like iron man going for like hours at 15 or 16 years old but like i knew when the time was was uh was nigh and uh and i was able to pull out and i've always been able to just pull out and you know finish wherever it's you know aim for whatever you're aiming for yeah yeah everything you get some and you get some and you get a teddy bear too fuck it then you're just like filled with shame afterwards like that teddy bear did not deserve that mr cuddles but but yeah I've never had that problem. In my experience, just about anything is fair game, except for the hair.

Unless it's the end of the night or something, they're like, in my hair? Really? Was it like a sniper rifle to you? Flat gun, lady. This is indirect fire. I'm doing the best I can with i got that's funny i i never got any kind of a talk and like i said to my credit like i had condoms i was like i need condoms i don't want to get anyone pregnant and uh i've i've had long-term like two year relationships with girls where like the practice was to pull out because she like she

was very organic or whatever and she didn't want those hormones being tampered with. The pill really and the shots can be pretty harmful to women at times from what I've read lately. And then there was that

what do they call it? The IUD? But that's an explosive device. IUD? But that's an explosive device. IUD? IUD? I think it's an intrauterine device, IUD. Yeah, thank you.

Yeah. And that didn't work, and it was excruciatingly painful to get in there. So I used the pull-out method for two years with no issues. And so whenever I see teen pregnancy and stuff, I'm just like, eh, that's a real shame because I bet that kid's not going to be the brightest. I would tell people that the pullout method is – Don't – I don't recommend it. Yeah, that's the one you use if you can handle a baby. Let's say that you're 24 and you're –

I don't want to phone in and you're... That's what I do. Don't do that. You'll blow your eardrum out or something. If you're 24 and you're married and maybe you weren't planning on a baby this month, but if you had one, you know, there's a home for it, you're a pull-out candidate.

You know, but... Or if your lady's pro-choice. Okay. I was going to say something else the the pullout the oh oh the teen pregnancy so i the girl got pregnant in my high school it's funny there was a total mismatch the guy was ugly he was just he was ugly he was skinny and pale but mostly he had an awful face. And the girl was hot. And I'm not sure how that ever happened. More than that, I'm a virgin. And not only am I a virgin at this point, but there's like no prospects or any hope of not being a virgin someday.

You're thinking to yourself at night, like, I just want to touch a titty. Dude, I would have paid $100 to touch a titty at that point. Oh, yeah, there was a time. I remember thinking, like, I just want to touch some titties. I really want to touch some titties. I bet there's a girl out there who would let – maybe I should just go from girl to girl. Hey, can I touch those titties? I once told a girl that I thought I spotted her underwear and I knew it to be whatever, pink.

And I was like, I saw your underwear. It's pink. And she's like, it's not. And I'm like, it totally is. I saw you know say what you will but i saw it and in my head i thought it was right but she's like it's not and i was like i'll bet you ten dollars and i'm thinking i win either way yeah this is going well i've used this maneuver myself not not exactly like this but something so yeah this is a great wrong and i paid ten dollars and i saw her underwear and then that got stored away this is pre-internet this is valuable shit right here oh you put that one in the brain and used that i got more than ten dollars worth oh yeah i'd pull

the move where like my head down is down on my desk but secretly and like looking at the girl across from me who's like legs are spread and like spread. That's a miracle moment right there. I get to see... I'm 14 and there's another... Just panties. There's a 14-year-old girl who's attractive with legs spread and panties and there's just this thin sheet of nothing between me and what I want most in life. Yeah.

This guy who was regularly having sex got her pregnant and they kept the baby. i don't know what happened to them as they grew up or anything but they definitely had a birth and i'm asking him like how this happened like what's your scoop here you know like everyone knows you wear a condom or whatever and he's like well you know where they were both virgins and um like he was afraid that if he proposed birth control that would give her an opportunity to change her mind. And, you know, the adult like, you know, gets it when he asked for it version of me is like, what?

That's awful. But I remember teenage me. And that's not a thought that I might not have had. I think I double negative that. But, yeah, it's like this is working. This is working. This is working. Don't fuck this up. You know, that's kind kind of his thought and he went and he came in her and everything was okay you know and then like you know they did this for a month or two i think i

said this before and then everything was okay and he's like oh i guess i'm not fertile good i don't really want a baby and by month three they had a baby yeah that's why sex ed should be much more in depth that you should learn how a woman's cycle works you should learn about ovulation like i don't you didn't learn that no no our sex ed was pathetic it was we didn't even learn condom use like like we learned about stds and that was it like we learned about like three stds like them like aids and like i was like yeah i'm really gonna get aids from fucking jessica over there like i'm sure she's really been around hitting the like the night in atlanta like multiple clean this is the perfect place not to get an std no one here has a fucking std except maybe you

mr johnson because i heard you fucked Miss White in your office, and that's why Mr. White's not living at home anymore. That's a true story. Really? Yeah. I'm pretty sure there's a girl in my school who had sex with the English teacher. But I have no proof. They just hung out together, and he would, like, drive her home from school.

I think it happened. I wonder. would like drive her home from school after i i think it i think it happened i i wonder but there's a situation where um students walked in and caught one of the caught my math teacher banging my uh one of them one of the football coaches uh in his uh in his office at school uh his her son is what was my age it was a whole thing. It was, like, the dad divorced her, like, kicked her out. It was a big deal. I don't have a, my story's not as good, but one thing that did happen was there was a, oh, I've got two. But the one I'm thinking of, this guy used to throw parties at his house, right?

And at first it started off with, like, I think the parents were divorced. And mom was cool. Yeah, mom's cool. Isn't that great whatever and then like after like a couple parties into it mom started trying to be like one of the kids you know so mom's getting drunk mom's like being promiscuous you know like like i don't think she ever hooked up with his friends or anything, but she was like flirty and like running on them and stuff. Yeah. Like,

like she didn't know her place. Yeah. And, and after a while, like at the party, it's all super cool. But afterwards everyone is like, dude,

you know, I can fuck your mom. You know, your mom, I felt your mom's boob. Like, like, like just,

that's not cool. Yeah. Yeah. The closest thing I had to anything like that was there was a girl who who would host parties and and her dad was just a cool he was just a cool guy like he he was like he had like a cooler full of beer and he and like we were he you know he didn't give a shit right like it's his cooler full of ice he's like yeah put your beer in here he's like let me show you how he's like he's like spinning the beer around and around to like form a solid sheet of ice around.

He's like, that'll get them ice cold right there. Yeah, get them in there. Yeah, let me stick mine in there too. You know, he just didn't give a shit. That's as close as like an overstepping parent as I ever came. My best friend's dad did that. Not necessarily the coolest,

but basically he let us drink at his place. And his philosophy was that, you know, it was mostly like if his kid's drinking at home as opposed to someone else, he's not drinking and driving. He's not getting hurt. This is like a safe environment. And, uh, you know, and then anyone who drank there, if you wanted to drink a lot, that was okay, but you had to sleep over, you know, if you had one or two beers, then just had to make sure that you were okay for the drive-in. I got wasted at that house one night and just really, really sick. And sick and uh and i was throwing up all night and i remember i actually used the girl's toothbrush like to like get the vomit taste out of my mouth and like put it

and put it back like i was i just had finished vomiting and then i'm just like let me get this taste out of my mouth like like washing the chunks of vomit out of the toothbrush like oh this water cannot get hot enough right now and uh so i'm in there just like sick as a dog and the dad and the mom come in they're like oh you're you're in a rough spot little buddy like here have some they gave me like salting crackers and like some diet soda with some ice in it or something something made me feel better and like i'm trying to think how long later it was i guess it was 2006 and that was 2003 so like three or four years later i was playing poker at a bar and there the dad is he's like i remember you you spent the night throwing up in my bathroom one time

i'm just like yeah man i really appreciate you taking care of me that night and so that that was kind of interesting that's cool yeah cool and i feel like that's a good i feel like that's a good idea like like i know some people might might think oh yeah the johnsons they let all those kids go over and get drunk but it's like yeah they're making sure that the kids aren't out in the field getting drunk from somewhere and then driving away in every direction drunk as fuck you know it's like like a web of drunk drivers uh being injected onto the highways there's a tough thing so right now hope is gonna start driving in like nine months it's december yes about nine months and um i'm carefully managing her bridge to freedom right you know like this is this is a thing that happens to people you drop a freedom bomb on them and suddenly like wild behavior starts my hope

does well in school she's a great kid she's super everything just like my best friend phil growing up as soon as he got a car his class rank now our we had like 300 some kids in the class was top five right so that was pretty good like top five out of three, very good or something. Yeah. And, um, by the time he finished high school, he was like top 40 or something. Like he was still good, but he had definitely fallen from his top five spot in the last two years. And, um, yeah, his parents blamed it on us being a bad influence, which is possible,

but really it was the car. You know, he got a car and just changed his priorities. So, you know, like me, like Jackie, if she had her, you know, if Jackie was left to her own devices, Hope wouldn't even be allowed to walk in a mall by herself. Yeah. I remember like it wasn't very long ago when Jackie didn't want her crossing a highway on foot. And it was just like, she's old enough to cross a road right like like i mean i've met her like she's a bright kid she can cross a fucking road man like my dog can cross the road that particular road is like four lanes long and stuff but just the same you know and she was probably 13 13 year old can cross right when i

was 13 holy fuck you know like i was well shit i was climbing out the roof sneaking out and getting drunk at 13 years old she can't cross a road really you know and um and now it's like you know we're like i'm like jack you know she's going to the mall she's got to be able to and jackie's like what the mall safe like nothing can happen not saying nothing can happen but in nine months she's gonna be able to drive places you know that like the freedom we need to make sure this is a ramp and not a cliff that she's you know just just jumping off of so uh and then those parents are on the total other side where they just they give tons and tons of freedom and such and i don't know where the right one is i

think i'm somewhere in the middle i think it's different when you got a guy and a girl i think with a guy you're like don't knock anyone up don't drink don't drive drunk and and try to stay under the speed limit because i'm the one paying those fucking tickets and you'll kill yourself those those would be my biggest worries because like those that's what i've seen that's in my experience what happens to teenage guys as like a downfall in high school age you know the kind of things that ruin the rest of your life or even end it um my friend john scott he was speeding in a super sport camaro hit a tree he's. He'll never, you know, he didn't get to go pole vault in college. He didn't get to

go to prom with his date. He was just in a dozen pieces in a field somewhere, because he hit that tree so fucking hard. So, like, you know, those are my concerns for a guy, but with a girl, it's a lot more complicated. I'm sure you know. I'm sure you've had tons of conversations with your wife and everyone else.

It's a different scenario. And Hope knows my strategy. Ease her into it. More freedom. And she's not a liar, which helps her a lot. Just let her go do her thing.

trying to think. John Scott death. Oh, did your high school put like before our prom? Yes. They put cars in the front yard? Yep. They were from lethal accidents? Yep.

It was, we had a big parking lot and then there was one exit and like a guard station and like swing gates that were locked at night. And right there by the guard shack was this demolished car. And we all were driving past it for a week, 10 days, two weeks maybe, coming up until prom. But when my friend died, they took it away because it was bad taste. But yeah, they totally had the car there.

I don't think we had a talk about the car. Maybe somebody did, but no faculty or anything was like, so, Kyle, that's the car of a drunk driver. I never drove drunk. I never had illusions about that being a good idea. In ours, the gym teacher gave that talk. Somewhere during class, if you had health or gym, health and gym occupied the same period for us.

Yeah, first the car would show show up and everyone would wonder and such. And, you know, was this a lethal accident or, you know, like how could someone survive that? And then you find out like how many people died, what their backstory was. And it was always alcohol related. Cause that was the point they were trying to drive home. Don't drink and drive from the prom. and it was always alcohol related because that was the point they were trying to drive home don't drink and drive from the prom and um yeah so they had an alcohol related fatality every time sometimes

the drunk could die sometimes it'd be a victim i feel like limos are more prevalent now with prom anyway we did we got a yeah that's definitely the way to go it was funny like we all met at uh one girl's house and you know everybody got their pictures taken and everything and then we get in the limo and we get halfway down the driveway and i'm like wait a minute let me hop out here and like all the parents are up there at the house like watching this big fucking hummer limo stop halfway down the driveway and then me getting out in my tux going over to my truck and like coming back with something obviously under my jacket and hopping in the car i got a bottle of absolute this fucking big. And they all knew.

They all knew and blamed me for the drinking. We showed up to prom wasted. Did you get kicked out of prom? Oh, no. I had one of the teacher's sons with me and she was one of the prom chaperones. You get him in the car with you, you get him good and wasted.

You're golden. You can't do shit to you. I remember one of the prom chaperones. You get him in the car with you, get him good and wasted, you're golden. He can't do shit to you. I remember one of the most popular guys in my high school, Sean McKeever, if you're watching this, he had a white tux, and he was so drunk. By the time he got there, he had grass stains up and down his knees and shins and stuff from crawling around outside, something going wrong. He was either wrestling in his tux or throwing up or I don't know and and then he got in the prom and he started dancing crazy and he got a little grabby and they threw him out if I remember

right I hated prom it was just a bad experience every time just did not enjoy myself it's terrible proms my problems were okay yeah I had a good time at the prom I could have totally missed out on the prom thing i wish i wasn't like it wasn't better than every other night or anything you know this yeah i don't know i went to the prom especially my second year i went to the prom i had a really pretty girlfriend and um had sex afterwards i really have no complaints i feel like a lot of people like are like yeah never went to prom no you're fine you're fine you didn't go to a fucking dance with a bunch of

it's a high school dance it's stupid it's a high school dance that you wear a rented suit to and you you show up in a rented car it's bullshit like it's so stupid and when you get there it's not any fun because you got all those uh chaperones like watching you like eagles and it's such a common thing for prom to have sex and alcohol involved they're really watching for both of those things so it's it's no fun you'll have a lot more fun in my opinion on like some sort of saturday night party in a field or at someone's house or something like that yeah i guess also it's expensive it's expensive yeah that's the thing my parents were cool about that like they didn't care they were i told them how much it was and they just gave it to me really yeah no i earned my money well i mean i you know well okay

maybe i earned yours too i don't know but i earned mine outside the house i pulled my i pulled my weight around around the house and and uh and every and every other way, really. I sold shoes. I didn't sell any fucking shoes. What are you, a cobbler? Jesus Christ. I was just like, you know, it's going to be like I don't even remember the numbers. Can I interrupt you? I sold shoes at a time that Married With Children was big

and everyone insulted Al Bundy and I'm like... You know, now when you buy shoes, people don't put them on your feet. Where I worked was like with the last dying vestige of still like lacing up the shoes for you, putting the thing on. And then the whole thing about women wanting to buy shoes too small was true. You know, because like I don't have big fat feet too clearly. Like we've measured.

There's a measuring device for feet here. Can we just go with it? I'm glad you brought that up. I have a new favorite subreddit. It's fat people hate. That's not a new subreddit for me. It's a new one for me, though. I love it.

I'll tell you what I particularly love. The moderator. First of all, you get special flair if you send them a picture and prove you're not fat. Second of all, not even kidding. I didn't know that. Yeah. The mods there are like me. I should be a mod there. Like, I feel like I should be.

They're just as cruel. And there's all these screenshots of, like, mods being ridiculous on that subreddit. screenshots of like mods being ridiculous on that uh on that subreddit and it'll be like someone will post this paragraph of like you guys really you know you guys are really tearing this person down blah blah blah you know you should be more uplifting and encourage them and there's like banned nobody banned for banned for feeling sorry for a for a for a i don't know i don't remember what they call fat people there but oh probably a whale or something yeah well it'll be like how to pick up a fat chick and then you open the image and there's a guy manning a harpoon yeah anything positive any anything someone says positive but like if they're like i don't know

she's kind of hot like banned for thinking a fat ass is hot it's just like all these bands when there was one it was a huge block of text like this guy really went in depth like explaining excuses and reasons and all this psychology behind it and how you can how it can really damage someone and the guy and they're just like banned and they had like blacked out their entire post no one will ever read this thanks for wasting your time dozens of examples like that and i really enjoy going through and seeing the post there because it's there's it's almost like justice porn but it's against fatties i can't line up with this quite so well you don't have to i i'll go wild on this with it and there was one where like the guy gives this whole formula uh for like

how calories work and how physics work and like calorie intake and explains that it's a sliding scale so that like for every pound you gain it's harder to gain it and explains that like at a if if you overeat x you know if you're supposed to only to intake 1500 calories as like a 5 foot 520 pound woman and all of a sudden you go to 2500 calories you'll gain weight up into this point and you'll stop at 242 pounds because of this formula and he shows it's all there in black and white mathematics and it's like unless you do this and then it keeps going and it's like wow yeah so it's even harder for a you know a 300 pound person to gain a pound than it ever would

be it takes a real champion to get into the super fat ranges it you have to be the burger king to make that kind of thing happen you really do you got to be eating a dozen big macs a day you just have to it's math it's math like if you found some way if one of these one of these fat people that that come up with all these excuses if you found a way to like get more energy out of less fuel like we'd be sticking you in one of those centrifuges and turning you into a cold fusion reactor motherfucker you haven't discovered something new you're just lying it doesn't work and then they showed i'm sorry go ahead that's like it's a thing that's true that is sometimes forgotten, right? It's like, no, no, I just carry a lot of weight. No, dude, you're 300, 400, 500 pounds.

The more you weigh, the faster your metabolism accelerates. It is no joke to keep that kind of weight. While you're saying you're just not lucky, in your heart you know you ate half a gallon of ice cream in a sitting recently. When you have whatever, you have extra desserts, plural. You'll have dinner before dinner, right? That's what it takes to get fat, that fat. It's hard for me to – I like to think I have a fast metabolism, most partially because maybe it's genetic.

But I don't think so. I really don't think so. I don't think it is genetic. I bet you fast more than you give yourself credit for. I think I have a fast metabolism, most partially because maybe it's genetic, but I don't think so. I really don't think so. I bet you fast more than you give yourself credit for. I think I do. But you skip a lot of meals and some days it's dinner only or something like that. You're absolutely right. Because I love food and I can't eat those bitch meals.

I just can't. A small meal is hard for me because I'm just not full. Last night I ate an entire large pizza. That was my dinner. I ate the whole thing, one sitting, and I was was still hungry afterwards but that's all i ate that day other than like i ate a grilled chicken breast at like noon and it was just the grilled chicken like i'll go to wendy's and get two grilled chicken sandwiches and throw away the bread and everything else and just eat the chicken as i'm driving down the road because i don't want to be fat yeah that and i'm back there there running on the treadmill for two miles a day

and lifting weights because I don't want to be fat. Yeah. If I gain weight, I can usually directly trace it to a behavior change. Yeah. One thing I've got going on now that's kind of a struggle for me is I'm at the house supervising construction every day, and I eat out at lunch a lot. It's hard to eat healthily on the road.

And maybe it's not the best solution, but my solution has always been to either get a grilled chicken salad from somewhere like Zaxby's and use a really low-calorie dressing and throw the bread and any croutons and any other bullshit they throw in there away. Or, like I said, I'll go to McDonald's or Wendy's or wherever I think has the best grilled chicken sandwich,

get like two of them and just eat the meat. There's no excuses here. It's clear. I didn't defy math or anything. I gained a couple pounds, though, and it's straight up. And you're like, well, I find that chicken salads at Wendy's are actually good. straight up and you're like well i find that you know chicken salads at wendy's are actually good yeah the challenge is i get into the chilies and then i get tempted by something i'd like more than lettuce yeah yeah and whereas if i'm at home you know whatever there's more healthy

options the restaurant food at the house for me to go to instead i've been shopping a lot healthier um lots of lots of water from some of your stuff is nice. It's so easy. Yeah, it is. Because you went in a deep-fried phase. Stepping up from there is not hard. When we had that personal chef out in Texas, I was picking his brain about the French fry game,

and I had him beat. I was like, well, what's your process? Oh, okay, you blanch once. That's cute. All right, all right. So you don't get the water up to 180 degrees and put them in there with you know a couple tablespoons of vinegar to get the pectin uh in order to make sure you have a really crispy on the outside fry that's not gonna fall apart the first time you blanch them he's like no no

it was like you don't freeze them overnight no no i was like that ruptures all the plant cells makes it extra extra delicious on the inside it He's like, I never thought of that. I was like, you let me down, man. Like that roasted duck with the apricot glaze? Now, that was great, but I don't want any of your goddamn French fries. Let me handle that. I want you to make me fries the next time I come over. I've never had world's greatest fries.

I feel like I'm really good at it. I believe you. I pick a dish like that every now and then, and I just go at it for like i'm really good at it uh i believe you i i i pick a dish like that every now and then and i just go at it for like a week or two at a time and just i'll combine multiple recipes and like lots of different people's ideas from reddit posts and uh and all kinds of recipe sides i like to use paula dean's recipes because even though she's i don't know whatever a racist person person who lied about her diabetes to sell more cookbooks and such.

She makes really good food. And I'll use her recipes and combine some stuff I learned that's scientific almost on Reddit. I got beakers going in there. And my fries use to come out really, really well. Just hearing about your cooking equipment. I want to move to my new house. I have an amazing stove. I'm not going to oversellll it i'm sure someone out there has a better stove but uh it's like this it's gas which to to me feels like a big upgrade it's actually propane but it's you know called

gas and uh in the middle it has like a griddle to like fry things on their grill things on grill things and uh like man i wish i lived there that sounds nice soon soon so i hear yeah the um i like your shirt i just now i can read it because it's not reversed yeah yeah i like that i got it for christmas i was trying to think the other thing i saw on fat people hate that was interesting oh there was a couple of posts where i suppose there's a few issues that people have that that tend to be thought of as real excuses like thyroid issues and there's a couple of other things that i'd never even heard of and they have posts of those people with that disease ripped as fuck just like it's like and it's like no excuses play like a champion yeah i saw one where it's like a mother of three and the children's ages are like two three and six and she's ripped too she's wearing like a sports bra oh i think i know

her yeah she's she got a lot of negative feedback from being this like super hot mom they're calling her a bad mom because obviously she spends a lot of time on her own body no and they're like no you should be saccharine you should be fat that way i'll know you're spending more time on your kids yeah that's absurd it doesn't that's mostly diet it's mostly diet and the and the fitness doesn't take that much time a day you could you know you hear the bow flex commercial like non-stop if you watch late night tv and it's like 20 minutes a day you could look like this and it's not an exaggeration if you work out 20 minutes a day every day you'll get there with your real discipline with your food yeah look especially if you're a girl if you're a guy i feel like you're going for more than tone yeah but um you

know if you're a girl yeah keep your keep your body fat low and tone and you'll look awesome there's a lot of i i enjoy the posts where they're like, this girl was a cunt in high school. She did this, this, and this to me. Here she is in 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013. And you're just like, I see where this is trending. And by 2015, she's just got one of those huge disgusted faces. He's stronger than he, man. I don't give a i have no they're fat they're fat why do you feel sorry for those people i'm talking to the the people listening to this there are no excuses for this i the whole the whole myth of like healthy

food being uh cheaper i saw that dispelled on on website. That's one I actually used to play into. Healthy food being more expensive. It's actually cheaper. They were like, you could do this at McDonald's and it was like, $28 worth of McDonald's and it was enough to feed a family for. It's like, or you could do this for $28 and it was tons of rice and beans

and fresh vegetables and breads and stuff like that in proper portions. It's like, yeah, not only is that the same price, but it's a better, healthier meal. And you can eat just as much of it. I got no pity for fat people. Yeah, there are expensive healthy foods, but there's also inexpensive healthy foods, like you mentioned.

You know, grilled chicken is not that much. Don't tell me. Now, I know if you get super cheap, it's hard to beat ramen noodles. Ramen noodles? Ramen. I say ramen. I think you're right. It's hard to beat ramen noodles for being super cheap.

It's literally a 30-cent meal. But once you start spending like $4, $5 on a meal, you can do that healthy. Yep. Yeah, you don't have to be getting like organic chicken and kale. You could totally get pinto beans and rice. That was one of the meals I saw and some toast or something. Every meal is not a banquet.

The challenge is telling yourself no, which is also a thing with finances. You've got to tell yourself no. If you just splurge and especially if you do debt to finance all the things you want, you'll... Let me find what George Carlin said about fat people

I loved it I read this last night oh goodness gracious Carlin on fat people there's actually a clip we could watch alright oh damn it I knew I should have done the full screen for PKN next we'll have it figured out.

I'll find the... Wow, this is eight minutes long. Yeah, you need to find the right spot. Live leak, live leak. On quotes. Here we go. Here's one that's two minutes long. The same thing. He mentions a battleship in the one

I'm referring to. I can't. Control F. This is the one that I'm talking about. George Carlin, obese, overweight, two and a half minutes-ish. Is that what you were looking for? I'm skipping through it to try to figure it out okay because i read it that's what i was hoping you would do i haven't heard the part that i read That's actually not it.

Okay. Oh, wait. I use the word fat. I use that word because it's what people are. Is that what you're looking for? Yes. I can help you alright do you want to read it to us?

I would love to, yes thank you, this is the exact thing I saw I use the word fat I use that word because that's what people are, they're fat they're not bulky, they're not large chunky, hefty or plump and they're not big boned, dinosaurs

were big boneded these people are not overweight this term somehow implies there is a correct weight there is no correct weight heavy is also a misleading term an aircraft carrier is heavy it's not fat only people are fat and that's what fat people are they're fat now there's nothing vindictive cruel or mean about that it's just the truth and it's the english language yeah you're right um and he's right i use big i use big because it's nicer that guy's big you know wings is big wings is big but so is schwarzenegger okay i'll admit it's not the most descriptive word but it's nicer it is nicer that's why i pick it and you could say heavy but but that's that's subjective right like the

aircraft carriers are heavy arnold schwarzenegger is also heavy yeah schwarzenegger is heavy i mean depending on how big you are i might be heavy to you uh it's fat it's fat it It's fat. If someone was massively muscular and they weighed 400 pounds, he's a monster. He's a behemoth. He's a Herculean mass of muscle. You might say he's strong. He's ripped at the... Yeah, he's huge.

Big, swole. Yeah, any of those things. But he's not fat. Fat is fat. Big guy. I don't know. I didn't realize... Is that a hickey on your neck?

It's a paintball wound, actually. I got shot right in the throat. Hurt like a motherfucker. I got shot, I think... Let's see. I got shot back here somewhere, too. I got bruises all over. Like, there.

Look at my knees. Oh, are the pants coming off? Oh, they came up i see i think maybe there was less light i see it on the side of your knee a little yeah yeah all right i got it now is that from getting shot or from sliding around from just sliding around and being on them the whole time like that's just a huge bruise i have one on my left ass cheek that is a real shiner it's uh it's impressive it's about this big and it's just from doing like a baseball slide every time i go into a bunker and just like landing on that ass

cheek every single time so that's awful and uh but i got shot a bunch i got shot maybe not like i didn't get shot out of a lot of games but when i do get shot i get lit up because i'm so aggressive i'll be i'll be out in the open running straight at a guy and he happens to look out and I'm just like and here we go alright you got me I can't speak for these games because I wasn't there

but I have seen you in the big games where it's like 700 vs 700 and what happens is this there's kind of a front line right and where everyone knows like generally this team is trying to push back that team. And the amount of danger you're in eases, you know? Like, you could be at the back of the front line. Occasionally, you know, balls are just making their way there.

But it's not terribly dangerous. Or you could be at the front of the front line where, like, the second you pop your head up, there's 300 guns trained on you. Yeah. Kyle's perception of where the danger starts is later than most. You know, sometimes, like, everyone's, like, hunkered down. They're hiding. They're scared to death. And Kyle's like, I don't know what's wrong with you people.

This is, like, you're all being pussies. And sometimes he's right. Yeah. But there have been other times where he's like i don't know what's wrong with you people you're all being yeah i have sometimes get in the head you know it doesn't matter yeah it's just it breaks so much easier but like there's lots of times where i shoulder rib cage you know he'll get shot jerseys you'll just be like i don't you're all the hiding this hasn't even started oh well my god i stand corrected been shot maybe this wasn't safe

but but yeah i i'll do that a lot i'll just kind of like walk past people like looking at them it's like what are you doing here like like they're we're playing up there right right it's like they come with me if you want to live the fun is 60 yards from here and you're like laying on the ground huddled behind a one inch mound yeah yeah dude did walk 30 yards crawl another 30 and get in the game yeah i like to be up front i i don't mind getting shot i actually enjoy it a little bit i don't mind the pain i feel like it's part of earning the fun of paintball uh i always say you know if i if i didn't want it to hurt i'd play fucking laser tag but laser tags for faggots so i don't um i like being that hero that's at the front like the one who's making it happen pushing it back etc but i'm not always good enough to be

that guy so i get shot sometimes yeah everybody's job. Yeah, but I'm not hiding in the back. I'm just not going to pretend I pull a 30 KD from the front. It's great when you can... I don't like the thing where I pop out and then I back back in and we're just back and forth, back and forth playing this game of cat and mouse and eventually I peg you or you peg me.

I don't enjoy that. I get no joy from those type of kills what i what i like is when i have flanked you and you don't even know i'm there and if you do it doesn't even matter when i can like i was talking about when i came around that core and those three little children were in there i really enjoyed that i was just like this is what i'm... I earned this. I ran over here through all that shit back over there. I shot those two adults who were good players. I shot this guy in the face and that guy in his gun.

I earned these children. I like that. That's the exciting... That's when my heart's pounding and I'm actually enjoying myself, having a great time. The rest of it is just to lead up to that. Flanking and shooting and bunkering people is like the orgasm of playing paintball for me all right any kill is good for me i mean

when they stick their hand up and ask me to stop shooting that feels good um but yeah i guess i mean i've told my biggest moment before i got a quad there was like a big like big team you know i said it just a minute ago i like being that guy that like pushes forward and and advances the whole front line you know that was a situation where there were like hundreds of people all hiding and being held down and and we just you know whittle them off whittle them off until i just finished them and then we were able to advance like a hundred feet yeah i that's only i've only been that guy one i was watching that i was on the i was on the sidelines over there watching through the big net i think okay yeah it happened for real yeah and uh yeah i just i think i like slid and because i they

they were there doing their thing and they got distracted and they gave me an opportunity to to light them up yeah it was cool and so. So. Oh, Crunchyroll. Kyle, crush the ad read for Crunchyroll. Let's see this. Here we go. Let me pull it up here. I didn't realize that we were doing one today. I saw the

Skype message and all, but for some reason I thought that was for PKA later in the week. I could get hope in here and try and read this thing. That would be great because i have to piss so goddamn bad i'm drinking a lot of water yeah i'm really struggling right now i've had four she does here i'll get i've had four of these we'll see where this goes i'm looking forward to this is it okay if i run and pee because i'll be back in like but we're gonna leave the show like with nothing here it won't be long i'm literally just gonna shout for her out the door. Unless she has Chinese tonight,

at which point you can't pull her off. Be right back. Hey, Hopingoo? Can you do an ad read for us? Yeah. We're live, so super fast okay success hope is gonna come but she said she wanted to touch up her face really quick so um i i told her super fast you probably heard it all all. But, yeah. So, here I am.

This is the Chiz Show. Go to Patreon.com slash PKA. See the video version. This is the Chiz Show. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Oh. I have two stories that I'm going to save for the beginning, I think, of the next Painkiller already.

The stories killed me. They had to do with construction and things that my subcontractors went through. There's like murder and attempted murder and stuff like that in them. They should be cool. Alright, sweet pumpkin. Here, mic up. Alright, so mic check? Mic check.

Okay, this is the ad read. Okay. Oh my goodness. You can do this. I don't see that. I would like to hear your first take. see that i would like to hear your first take oh you'd like to hear my first take uh-huh i feel like i'm gonna mispronounce some of these words go ahead that's okay we all do bring it okay here's a special announcement for our views who are serious about anime i'm hooking you up with the world's largest lineup on of anime on crunchyroll free for 30 days just go to crunchyroll.com pka crunchyroll

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Watch the ad-free anime anytime in beautiful HD quality with no ads on all your devices, iPhone, Android, tablet, or on your TV through Xbox, Apple TV, and more. That's Crunchyroll.com. Get signed up and started today. We recommend Attack on Titan. Tweet us suggestions. That was a good idea. I'm glad we got her.

You crushed it, Hopi, dude. Great job. Very good. Thank you so much. Ah, thank you. And did you really have to tell everyone I was going to touch up my face? I said no such thing. No. Do we have to cut her in on the ad money now? No. Where do you think it goes? Hey.

Yeah, Crunchyroll's a great little service there. I enjoyed watching Attack on Titan. I feel like we lost steam with that. Maybe we should pick something different. Everyone is always saying that that's a bad one to start with. I really liked Free. I must say that I did... I've watched two animes in Free and...

Clan Ad. No, no, Dad. Clan Ad's crazy sad, but Free was fun. It was a swimming one. You might actually really like it. Really? Yeah. We got competitive swimmers in high school.

Yeah. That does sound good. All right. So that's a wrap. That's our end of show thing. Thank you so much, Hopidoo. All right. Bye.

PKN with special guest Hopidoo. Bye.