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Painkiller Nearly, episode 395. My return.
Your return. Dude, so last Thursday
was quite the day for me, right?
Jackie crashed her motorcycle and
she went, I think, as far as I thought, she went to the ER. She went to urgent care.
Got x-rays and all that stuff. But that
was like an hour and a half from here and it was just
an exhausting day and i didn't get her settled in and tucked away until like after 10 i could
have attended like the last 45 minutes of the show but i was like they'll understand and then
i find out the guests left and you guys were just doing a two-man podcast like damn your bill first style all my if i had known i
would have came i'm sorry we didn't mind at all we just talked about a bunch of retarded shit and
but yeah we were worried about uh i i in my head you know how when someone tells you about an
injury you picture like a cataclysm like so much worse i was like oh my god like is this will he be around the next few
days like is he going to be staying by her side as they put her back together and it was her first
ride right no so we've been working on this for a couple of weeks now uh what it started is in the
yard she hops on one of my bikes and buzzes around and uh she was not good at some of the
basics like you like you know you just put your foot down you lean to that side well the motorcycles
are a little too tall for her so it's harder than you might be imagining because you sort of
fall and tip to that side she can't just flat foot both of them at the same but um uh you know
she was able to like get into gear get into second gear steer around the yard stuff like that but we
decided that because stopping was hard we went to a bicycle and she buzzed around
the bike for a while and i don't want to admit that there might have been some arguments along
the way uh neither of you have ever tried to like teach a loved one to ride a motorcycle or drive
but i was like let's like like she was frustrated and frustrated with herself like i wasn't mean
or anything but i was um at my wits end you know it wasn't like yelling i love that just just
exasperated exasperated like i'm like honey like i've picked up this motorcycle 37 times now can
you just lean to the side that you have your foot down because she'd do this she'd
go to the motorcycle she'd put her left foot down then fall to the right i'm like i keep picking
this bike up you know clutch lever is broken off and it's it's okay you know look i bought a new
clutch lever i don't know where it is but uh like everything's fine but take time putting it on
you'll be riding for a minute were you doing like that
george costanza laugh exasperated we like she falls again you're like ha ha we got to a point
where like let's simplify this right because she's like there's so much happening at one time
she you know how to go fast on motorcycle you pull the throttle ran ran to me like this is just a thing every four-year-old boy knows
she's like which way makes the throttle go you pull it towards you or roll it away from you and
i'm just like we're we're starting at the beginning you'll know very quickly which way it is right
right anyway that's frustrating because it's like you're holding it what why are you asking me the
things that you can find out on your own?
There are so many things that I have to tell you so many things.
She was doing that girl thing where she's in tears and I'm like, if I was any other instructor, would you be crying right now?
And she's like, no.
What do I have to do with this?
Yeah, that is some Sigma male behavior.
I don't know what that means. But like i was like let's simplify it let's simplify it i would just get on the back of the motorcycle and push her push push push push push i'm exhausted wait a minute wait a minute well
he'd already picked up 40 times i'm starting to wonder how jackie really got hurt there is a point
where i was pushing her on the bike and she wouldn't go
straight.
She's just turning all over the place.
And I'm like,
if you can't go straight,
this is just so ground zero.
So I put her on a bicycle that actually helps.
She got a lot of bike time.
She got her.
She's always able to like stop and put her foot down on the,
any side she chose.
Right.
You late left.
It's cool.
She took the motorcycle safety foundation course that kyle had taken the thing is in her experience they didn't
like spend a lot of time teaching and drilling and like moving slowly it was almost like you had to
be able to do this stuff already and just demonstrate it for them practically you know
she'd drill it for her We got her a personalized instructor.
And apparently, she was killing it.
The joke was that she was going to come back to the house
and teach me how to ride.
She's in fifth gear.
She's buzzing around.
It's in like a giant sandlot.
And she's just buzzing around on this beach,
doing a thing, having fun.
And eventually, she was supposed to supposed to i guess swerve in
between trees and she hit a tree and ricocheted off to another tree i think it was the first one
she hit her shoulder and then fell and uh really the only notable damage is her shoulder her ribs
hurt a little bit her hand hurts a little bit. And she got a bump on the thigh.
She's got a bruise that's not quite Taylor's butt bruise,
but you'd look at it and be like, yeah, that's no joke.
That was a good hit.
Did she break her collarbone?
Was it broken?
No.
So here's a picture of it.
The collarbone is displaced.
It's not at all where it's supposed to go.
So, Zach, hold the mouse still for a second.
A little to the left.
Right about there is where it's supposed to be.
And so they need to take that big shoulder bone thing, move it to the left, put the collarbone in the right spot, and then reattach four ligaments.
So this is a grade five ac separation
the c is what's the collarbone called clavicle yeah it's like anti-clavicle or something like
that i forget but this is a great clavicle is what she did right i forget what the a is for
i'm messing it up but it's a great five wow what your wife has incredibly symmetrical ribs i just
want to say hope that's not too far.
That's brutal.
I noticed,
I noticed the note on there that was like patient leave is leaving clothes on
because of insane pain or like severe.
did it say that?
Yeah.
Because I know like,
I like apparently that your collarbone,
your clavicle is like totally disproportionately painful to break for what
it is.
I said it before, the kid on my hockey team,
when I was 13, he broke his clavicle.
He was vomiting afterward.
He turned green and was throwing up.
Well, his actually shattered in half.
But it's unbelievably painful.
So that really sucks.
I'm glad she's doing better.
Well, that's going to be surgery.
Surgery is Friday, so the day after the show.
Okay.
And basically, they're going to drill a hole through the collarbone and whatever it goes to, kind of attach them by rubber band, reattach the four torn ligaments, and then a sling for six weeks and PT for six more.
Orthoscopic thing, like up through like the armpit or something crazy? Yeah, he is doing it arthroscopically.
It's right here. There'll be a small little incision.
And the surgeon's good.
He trains with plastic surgeons, so he'll
he's like, write me a letter to remind me
and we'll sew it up just like the plastics would.
Yeah.
Hey, Doc, how about you just take that letter
and jot it down for life?
That was silly. I was like, does anybody want the big scar?
Like, who chooses that option?
Who's special order in the Frankenstein mode?
While you're on me, go ahead and give me one of those cool eyebrow scars.
It's like we're operating on your clavicles.
Give me a Jon Snow right here.
So it should be really cool.
The prognosis for this kind of injury is really good.
They tend to have full recovery.
It kind of sucks in the 12 weeks is kind of long,
but it is what it is.
And I'd be time for a new bike in 12.
You got to be like part of you.
You're like, it could have been so much worse than that.
It's got to be your thought,
right?
I don't know.
If she's putting around in a sandlot with like trees,
the size of your wrist,
it couldn't have gone much worse.
I was imagining much larger trees.
She was,
I mean,
she could have smacked her head on there instead of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Trees are robust. Trees are robust.
Trees are robust.
Look, the potential to
go really fast into a big tree is there.
What do you say? It was the first time she
dropped the bike all day, actually.
I'm like, how did you drop
my bikes constantly, baby?
Well, I wouldn't want to drop his bike.
Right, right.
You've got so many.
Swap it out.
If people know their bikes for the 1% of you,
Honda CRF150L is what she was on.
It's a small bike you might put a kid on.
And it just is a little lighter,
a little easier to touch the ground than anything I own.
Yeah.
We might get something in that class. She still wants to
ride. She's bummed that
she's not making progress.
I was wondering where you guys would land on that.
I think there will be
there's got to be a sizable
fraction of people listening to this who are like,
she's a 49-year-old mom.
She has no right
to do anything interesting. Take up
quilting. Whereas I'm more like, oh yeah yeah, if you do shit, this just happens every so often.
I mean, y'all have savings and in-laws.
Have fun.
That's part of the risk of doing fun things.
You might get hurt from time to time.
I've said before, like, there's a never broke a bone subreddit.
And I'm like, that's the never did a thing subreddit.
You take up flying and motorcycles and shit. Like, go rock climbing you'll break some bones but you'll have done some
shit so there's a whole forum of people talking about never having broken a bone it's a whole
yeah they're very proud of themselves is it a joke like we're too conservative with our behavior
no it's the opposite it's it's usually people who are like i could kind of wild with it and
they're like yes still never or or people who are like, this is how I finally broke one.
You know, it'll be like, this was it, boys.
39 years old.
And then they like trip, like walking out the front door and break their leg or something like that.
It's always different stuff.
I watched a video yesterday, last night.
The top meme on the subreddit is making fun of him.
I was watching a guy last night on a go-kart.
Like, just a fun go-kart.
Like, adult-style go-karts for sure.
But, like, another car got next to him.
And his hand, like, it happened so fast.
It happened so fast.
The open-wheeled go-karts, by the way?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
And his finger got into the opposing wheel.
And it took the tip of his
finger off like it was a fucking ninja master over there driving that car and he just looks at it he
goes because like when i see the tip i mean like most all the way to the first little knuckle there
pretty much like like all that important all the important shit somebody first little knuckle there, pretty much. Like all that important, all the important shit.
Somebody was like, how much of his penis?
Like, oh, just the tip.
And you're like, oh, fuck it.
That's the only part that mattered.
The most important part.
A little bit of dick root.
We could have just patched up.
You took the head.
It's all done.
There's no aesthetic.
No.
There's no, you know, that's the part that feels stuff.
I don't want dick root.
I don't want a whole dick of dick root.
I want a whole dick made out of penis heads.
The ultimate pleasure.
Yeah.
Like, I'd have to wear special underwear.
It's so sensitive.
You have an enormous long penis head and that's it.
Can you show this video?
And by the way,
it has copyright music on it.
So no volume.
I saw the opposite of what Kyle saw.
So this guy's using a saw stop.
It's the,
it's a similar saw to what I have.
And the piece that he's cutting is very small. So he uses his finger to retrieve the piece next to the blade.
And it could have gone really badly.
I'm hoping Zach is almost ready.
Yeah, yeah.
So watch this.
Do you admit play?
And yeah, no volume.
Perfect.
So you see the little piece next to the fence.
I think that's the piece he's most interested in.
And he pushes it through.
And now he wants to get it out with his finger.
Look at the damage.
Well, the damage to his table saw is immense, but...
Yeah.
I'm not so sure this isn't set up for the purpose of this,
because why has he brought his camera crew
to cut a shiver off of it?
Yeah, was he demonstrating how impressive it is?
Because I've seen that one with the hot dog before we'll see the thing is when that thing activates it
it's expensive what do you mean i mean it doesn't say slow down saw it says stop everything
everything breaks his fingers in the way yeah the the a saw blade like that i haven't bought
a saw blade in a while but they used to to be like $120, a good saw blade.
There's a piece of aluminum that gets shoved into the saw blade
and they're both destroyed in that process.
You're out like $300
when that happens. And you're so happy.
Yeah.
Unless
there was some plastic
staple wrapper thing on the lumber
or something like that.
At Home Depot, plastic might be stapled.
You just...
Kaboom!
Oh, you motherfucker.
That can happen.
A bullet in the wood.
Oh, a bullet in the wood.
I didn't think of that.
It happens.
Oh, yeah.
What was that?
I had a thing to say.
Oh, I just assumed he was a YouTuber.
There's a woodworking genre on YouTube. There
are lots of people filming themselves making things.
Yeah.
It could be set up. It could be fake,
but I fell for it. Either way, it worked.
What's not fake is that fucking saw stopping and doing that.
They've had that thing for a while, and it's
one of those pieces of technology that we've just said,
yeah, saw stopped themselves.
But it's
pretty cool.
I'm outside of my depth here but capacitance capacitance capacitance what is that word someone my
understanding why i thought it's closing a circuit right when he's when he touches that thing
i thought that too it it has to do like it's measuring like how much electricity the blade can hold
and i guess wood isn't conductive enough to increase that amount but when you touch it
with your hand it is if i understand that capac i still can't say it capacitance
yeah so when you touch it it recognizes that it's been touched that you know i guess the volume has
increased a ton and it stopped and it shoves a a piece of aluminum into the saw blade the rotation
of the saw blade that um kinetic energy is used in making it slam below the surface really quickly
so not only does the blade stop but it drops under the table and uh and boom now you have a saw that's out of adjustment and a
$300 problem but you've avoided but you've avoided uh an amputation that's such a cool technology
yeah like have you tried to order on the mcdonald's auto menu it's terrible we have
ipads figured out and they can't do that so this is more impressive than anything it's super
great for like you know me and you or whatever in your shop but imagine it in a school like i bet
that fucking thing saves children so it you know i i wasn't in a gigantic high school but it was
it was not uncommon for someone to lose a piece of their finger or their whole finger it happened or to die like
in the time that i was in that high school we had one death maybe three finger issues lost and uh
some third the death involved the fish farming no full it with a piranha in there we had um
we had uh in the elective building where welding, construction, automotive is.
They also had this thing called technology.
And I always wanted to take technology.
When I was in eighth grade, middle school, they take you up to high school.
And they're like, this is what the big boys get to play with.
And even the football field is better.
And they showed us the technology wing.
And they're wiring in there.
They're like wiring up fuse boxes and shit. And'm like oh my dad does this like oh it'd be great to be able to like
help my dad when we're like doing a thing like this because electricity is scary i've like i've
always been real scared of it if i don't understand it which is a smart way to be about anything i
guess but um kid died in there like the year the year before I went up to ninth grade,
so I could have attended the class,
and they didn't play with fun shit anymore.
You know how in like...
Electrocuted?
Yeah.
I saw a meme yesterday about how your science teacher comes running
when you mix salt and water together.
No!
Nothing happens when you mix salt and water.
You get salt and water. How did the kid die? Electrocuted. Nothing happens when you get solved.
How did the kid
die? Electrocuted.
That sucks.
At school? Yeah, they were wiring
up boxes or something. I also
can wire up circuit breakers, and
my trick is to turn the power off.
That, dude, that's
easy mode. Step one.
Anybody can win. When you turn it to fucking easy, Woody, nobody's impressed mode. Anybody can win.
You turn it to fucking easy, Woody.
Nobody's impressed that you can wire a box up when it's turned off.
Touche.
You got to be quick.
That kid wired up.
You got to be quick.
Faster than the speed of light.
Quicker than the electricity.
I knew a kid who once wired up three and a half boxes in 15 minutes.
Three and a half, huh?
How did the rest of that day go like so so the guy died in technology class every day everybody gets to go home or was it like a
hidden thing i was in eighth grade i was in eighth grade so i don't i just when we got there though
they were like yeah don't even bother with that one they the kid died last year like you're gonna
be playing with bullshit.
And it's like, no, I want to play with real shit.
Go to metals. They don't care.
I'm like, what do you mean?
They should have made a plaque for him in woodworking.
Made a what?
A plaque.
Here died Stevie Skidmore.
He grabbed the wrong wire.
Remember to turn it off.
What if they did that painted like, painted blood splatter
on all the equipment and stuff as a reminder
to the children?
We will never clean Greg's viscera
as a reminder to the students.
We would not have cared a bit.
Because I remember when, like,
this kid, like, ground off a bunch of his finger
in one of the big wheel grinders, and, like,
Erzberger's like,
we can't do this over and over.
Like, like it's so easy.
What kind of work camp did you go to high school at?
When people grinded their fingers off?
This,
this class was essentially a working like machine shop.
It was a machine shop.
Like we had,
there were no,
there was nothing about our equipment that differed it from industrial
equipment.
And we were operating on it at 15 or 16 years old at like 14 15 16 and we had metal lathes um all three
kinds of welders you know stick mig and tig blow torches you know acetylene are um torches um like
like oh we had the this big um thing that would cut metal in half, a hydraulic press thing.
You press on a thing and it would go, go, pop.
And it would cut a piece of metal that was like quarter inch thick, like a big plate of it.
It would just cut them in half.
It didn't do it fast or anything.
But still, like these kids would be shoving shit in there and it'd be like boom and the pieces would fly
around they'd all laugh and people put textbooks in it and shit that's what i'd want to see yeah
nobody put anything they shouldn't put in there because that would have been big trouble like it
i the teacher there was always really definitely put a phone book in it
the teacher would be like you get to put metal in it and then melt the metal if you want
and then stick the metal to another piece of metal
with electricity. And you got to bring
a book in here and shove in it, Woody.
You must like books.
How about you go to the classroom and you
learn from them for the rest of your medals.
Everyone look at queer Woody
liking to read.
That's what would have happened
because our biggest fear
was that he was going
to make us do what he's supposed to make us do according to the state and that is he'd say learn
yeah well he would be like do you guys realize that half of our days in this class are supposed
to be sent over there in that classroom and those desks we never sit in. We're supposed to spend half our time in there.
In those books that we never
use. You're supposed to be doing
chapters and tests.
This guy sounds pretty cool now.
What are you doing today, Curtis?
Well, I was going to build that cattle trailer.
That's right you were. How about you, Kyle?
I was just going to go sit by that barrel
where we burn stuff outside. It's smoky.
That's right.
Sounds like a hell of a time, don't it, boys?
Out by the burn pile where it's smoky.
Just smoke a cigarette by the burn pile.
The rules were so simple.
It was like, yes, you can chew tobacco.
Just don't spit on my floor.
No, you can't smoke cigarettes.
Switch to chewing tobacco.
It's easy.
Don't steal. It's so much worse. It's easy. Don't steal.
Don't steal.
Don't break my equipment. That was about it.
I like it.
I get that you're all untrustworthy teenagers,
but I'm going to try trusting you
and it's going to be a win-win
until you're untrustworthy.
Let's do a social experiment.
Yeah.
And it was very rare that somebody would fuck up
and do anything that would land us in there.
It was very rare.
Because for the most part,
everybody that was in there enjoyed goofing around with stuff.
I kind of grew up with most of the stuff that was in there,
like the torches and the welders.
But still, there was stuff in there that I thought was cool
and I wanted to play with.
He should have put everyone in those desks.
And today's lesson,
just a PowerPoint presentation on what an asshole Woody is and why we're all at the desks.
Look at Woody.
Unflattering picture on the.
It's like you sitting, leaning forward, shirtless, the worst angle.
Look at his rolls.
I'm not that fat.
Everyone has rolls when they lean over. I just remember this about the class.
They,
they did a thing where it was,
it was like 95% guys.
There'd be one,
maybe two girls and they would be upperclassmen almost always like seniors.
And all they had to do in class was Mr.
Hertzberg's paperwork like they they would take
the attendance or they would um um if there was any testing that had to be done because occasionally
there's like don't it's it's like a common sense test it's like any of you would we would all could
take we could all take the test that i took back then and be okay right now and uh and that was all
they ever had to do they just graded papers and like And, uh, and that was all they ever had to do. They just graded papers and like, like did his paperwork.
And that was their a,
my a could was literally just sitting there.
Like,
like you could just use that as a nap period if you want it.
Yeah.
He didn't care.
Great.
Kyle,
you'll get an a,
if you can avoid bothering me.
Yeah.
Young Woody would have struggled with that task.
That's,
that's how my gym teacher was in like sophomore,
junior year of high school he was like
one of those guys who was like oh yeah i teach history but mainly as an excuse so i can coach
the football team like like that kind of guy and then he also had to take on like gym at some point
like he taught gym and history and the football team. And he, at Jim, we had to do tennis for like our,
our tennis block,
like a three week tennis block.
And he didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground when it came to
tennis and he didn't care.
And so he would like,
tell us like,
it's tennis,
have,
have fun playing tennis,
everyone.
And then we just go on the tennis courts and kind of do our own thing.
And if anyone asks like,
coach,
how do I serve?
He'd like, he'd be up on the stairs.
Like that.
Like reading a book, smoking a cigarette.
And he'd be like, looks good.
Looks good.
And then just go back to it.
He just had no interest whatsoever.
Dude, I love that.
One of my favorite teachers, I had an accounting teacher.
I had to take all these horrible courses.
When I was talking about wood shop and metal shop,
my dad was like, no, he's going to take accounting and business prep and whatever.
All right. So I'm in this awful accounting class. Everyone wishes they weren't there. Everyone
wishes they were taking photography right now, but we're in accounting. Even the teacher is
wishing she wasn't there. And I really liked that about her. She's like, I should have been a gym
teacher. Look at them. Look at them right now out the window.
She's like, run those laps!
Run those laps!
That's all they do. They do that at the start
of every period, and then they sit there
and talk. They're drinking coffee right now.
They don't have any tests to grade.
And swear, this is an almost
daily thing, where she's like, you know,
those gym teachers make the same
amount of money that i do
i'm teaching accounting inside see that's because she didn't have any side hustle in her all right
she could have easily had like your final exams being doing other people's taxes
all right you're gonna file the uh w-2 for mr johnson here here you go here you go
and you got mrs johnson oh they're not filing together that's that's odd all right here you go here you go it's pretty and you got mrs johnson oh they're not filing together that's that's odd all right here you go um that would be great because that's what mr that's what my
teachers did it's not that hard to teach someone to do a a 1040 just based off of w2 and like maybe
with the property tax like that i swear i could teach you guys that in a day you might already
oh i'm sure oh i don't know i've never had to learn okay well yeah i i teach you in 30 minutes and you'd be good to go yeah right now it paying
taxes is like this thing in the ether that happens and i'm just like how do you know when
if they send you a bill
you can't just pay it online it's gonna going to be funny when you have to file on your own someday.
I'm not an accountant person.
He always has someone help him.
They need to be provided with stuff,
but I don't even know what to provide them with,
so Kitty takes the stuff and gives it to the professional,
and the professional does the thing they do.
Jackie receives the mail.
You can have his same service for about three hundred dollars taylor
i do they say important tax documents inside so i just have a pile of like unorganized
important tax documents inside we start there and just do taxes i hate it i i hate it so much
because i always get so stressed that i'm doing it wrong. And I'm going to do it because,
well,
I know.
No,
I mean like I have someone do it for me,
but I'm always like stressed when they're like,
okay,
this is all the information about X,
Y,
Z and this income stream and that.
And I'm like,
I'll be like laying in bed,
like for the week leading up to it.
Like,
okay,
go to the list.
I'm 99% sure.
I hit everything.
What if I didn't say everything?
What if I said something wrong?
I'll get, Maybe I'm misunderstanding
Is there a reason you can't just go back to your bank account
And look at every time money came in
That's what I do
And like with my other accounts
I'm being neurotic
I get paranoid
I just want to get my taxes about right
Go ahead audit me
Go ahead audit me
And find a $700 mistake you know what i'll
do i'll write you a check i'm not gonna fucking sweat this if it's close it's good yeah like i
like i haven't even thought about that also where i've been like worried about it and then in my
head i'm saying to myself like taylor you don't know enough about taxes to cheat if you wanted to
like what would i what would i do like, how much money did you make?
Nothing.
I mean, this is what happens.
Like, I have had the IRS come back and say,
hey, what do we looked at your stuff?
You owe us another 900.
And I'm like, all right, so for 900, you stop bothering me?
Deal accepted.
Yeah.
And this is like a while ago.
No, I've never been too stressed about
that because because like you said i don't i don't know how you would like go what are you
going to do just like literally straight up lie about tens of thousands of dollars either not go
not coming in or or actually going out like that no wesley snipes just didn't pay them him and him
and like uh willie nelson were just like... People would be like,
man, taxes are rough, huh?
I paid $8 million in taxes last year.
And he'd be like, fuck all that.
I don't know about Willie Nelson.
I know he didn't pay taxes,
but I don't know where his head was.
Wesley Snipes bought into this...
He had people in his universe who told him that the United States didn't have the right to collect taxes.
And that if he just explained that to the United States properly, they would be like, well, you got me.
I actually have no tax collecting authority.
Wesley Snipes found the loophole.
Yeah.
And we can't even find anyone to beat him up.
He's a sovereign citizen now.
We can't touch him.
Under maritime law, we can't even find anyone to beat him up. He's a sovereign citizen now. We can't touch him. Under maritime law, we can't collect taxes from Wesley Snipes.
Maybe he thought that there's no way they'll put Blade in prison.
They did.
I bet he was cool in prison, though.
Yeah.
He was gone for years.
For years, there was no Wesley Snipes and no one cared well how long was was
he like not paying taxes wasn't it a ridiculous amount of time like the almost the entire period
he was popular he wasn't paying taxes i i don't know any of that i just know that you know he
went away for real i know willie dug his way out of it willie was just like all right y'all i'll
get i'll get on it give me a few years i mean i'll write a few songs and they were like cool
because like with the music business I feel like it's so much
easier to put them on a payment plan because Willie Nelson can make money.
He's 100 now and he's still doing his concerts.
He gets his whole family involved. He's so old now. He's like, this is my boy
Big Willie. He's like 70.
His grandson is like 45 or something it's like and uh and he's you know he's trying to get them all like into business yeah but uh you know he's
still making money wesley snipes might have a little bit harder time i think he's still working
i saw him do that eddie murphy thing uh the i am dolomite thing he was really good in that
uh oh he's gonna
be in something else soon he was also in coming to america maybe i can't remember anyway um i've
been watching the ukraine thing it's been so fucking great it's been so good elon musk challenged
vladimir putin to trial by single combat um and and uh then he's great that's That's a bad move. No, I think Elon takes him.
Is Elon Musk strong?
Oh, yeah, he's wiry.
He's got that bloated, I-don't-do-anything body.
Yeah, but Putin would have KGB tricks.
Pocket sands.
Everybody keeps talking about the KGB thing.
I've never heard anything, but I think when we hear KGB,
we imagine him as a Russian James Bond equivalent.
When in reality, I think he filed paperwork and was mostly a bureaucrat.
I don't know.
So Putin's 69.
And he got fired.
And they're saying that he's sick.
And I don't know what to believe.
Everything's propaganda right now.
But if he is a sick 69-year-old, elon musk elon what's what's the height difference
putin's not very tall oh so i bet musk i don't know how tall musk is though is musk short
if he's not short he'd have that reach he looks five five eight five nine to me
it doesn't matter because the the leader of russia's wow elon musk height the first thing
that comes up is elon musk Putin height, weight, and stats revealed.
Yes, that's the first thing I see.
Elon is 50, and he's 6'2".
Okay.
That's a huge, huge benefit if he is 6'.
We'll say 6'0", because these are Hollywood inches here.
And Putin says 5'5", and 69.
Elon Musk, over the years, has claimed to be 6'2",
and 6'1.5".
Sounds on target-ish.
By the way, 6'1.5 is 6'2", by maritime law.
I think Elon Musk...
Here's what I think.
He's got 8-inch reach on him, probably, so he'd win, for sure.
Yeah, I think that they both die.
I think that Elon Musk hits him with some kind of a robot
punch, but like...
But like Putin blows some sort of
nanobots into his machine
arm and they kill Elon from the
inside. I would figure the blowing nanobots
would be a Musk move. Kyle, I have a
Ukraine war question. They're the only way to kill Musk.
There has been a
convoy outside
Kiev for some
extended period of time.
I know it broke up and moved around not long ago,
but it looks so vulnerable to me.
How do they have,
I'll make up a number,
273 tanks in a row on a road that the entire planet knows where they are not
being harassed.
They are being harassed.
They're,
they've been getting fucked up real bad.
So that convoy isn't all tanks.
It's mostly trucks
full of supplies.
Everything from munitions and MREs
to medical supplies, I'm sure.
Anything that you would need in a war, they've got.
And they're probably spare parts for the tanks.
There's a lot of those
big green trucks with the canvas
over the top. But they have been
fucking up. The thing is, they keep showing us the same pictures
from a week ago. There's been
two pictures, one from a week ago
and one from two and a half days ago
when in one
neighborhood, a 40 kilometer convoy,
right? They showed us one neighborhood
where the tanks pulled off behind the buildings.
What's actually been happening is
they blew up the bridges in front of that thing.
Most of the trucks in that thing ran out of gas like literally don't have fuel um and uh and
they've just been blowing them up blowing up the targets that they want to blow up and can blow up
left and right the only reason that they don't just come in and just blow everything up is there's
a lot of things that prevent them from prevent them from doing that the electronic warfare um
vehicles that the russians have
my understanding is that they've got jammers on them they're basically like uav jammers
if we don't want to get technical at all um and so like you but uav jammers are expensive so that's
been like their main target recently is fuel and the electronic warfare stuff uav jammers that the
russians have because when they destroy destroy the jammers, they're able to
use those Turkish drones, I think,
a lot more effectively.
Those Turkish drones are... I want to know
how expensive are those? Are they like
$60,000? That's what I
want to hear. I know that
you're not allowed to have
rifles, but are there any rules against
Turkish drones?
Maybe they didn't think of that oh
i i almost guarantee that you can buy the drone it would be the weapon systems but like i know
a guy for that yeah now you have a home defense system oh more than a home defense system i don't
know what the range is neighborhood defense system sure i really i really hate how stupid
the people on cnn and $1 to $2 million.
Okay, that's probably arm too, huh?
This dumb woman on CNN or whatever I was watching early, early this morning at maybe 5 a.m., she was like, I don't even know why they want any fighter planes.
It seems like these drones are the way to go.
Just keep buying more.
And it's like, well, i think fighter planes can do some different
shit right like hit air-to-air targets the the drone for one thing is like a big silly flying
piece of fiberglass it looks like like anything in the air that sees it just blows it up and almost
any kind of any kind of anti-air like device at all takes it out like they've lost a lot of them
that's why they're behind so many the drones you're talking about i'll presume you're right i don't know any better the idea of
drones like oh what if we had a fighter plane and we took the person out right so now this thing can
routinely pull 21 g's for example you know this thing can go fast or slow it can stop it can do
shit that would make a human inside vomit.
Maybe this is the next thing?
Yeah, that's the idea
is that everything's going to be
unmanned eventually. The newest
prototype or whatever, like the idea
for the next
US tank systems is unmanned.
It's like this fucking mech
riding around
yeah and uh in some ways it's expensive i'm sorry but but people are very expensive
you know not training people is very expensive and by the way you lose them eight years later
something like that six years later and uh but not only do you train them you have to feed them
you have to house them you have to pay them you have to do a whole lot of shit that when they don't die,
when you just hand them the next mechanized
tank and they try that one, that's nice.
I don't even want to kill people if I can't fly
in the plane.
That's bullshit.
I disagree. I'd gladly kill them
over video game. I think there's got to be
advantages.
You could definitely...
I've been watching this guy
who does dogfights
in this video game. I don't know what game it is,
but it's so realistic that
they're using... It's like a milsim.
It doesn't seem to me that
an AI, I guess,
or even a person controlling
it with that much lag could dogfight another person.
It seems like the automated stuff is really good for like, yep, there it is.
Click on that.
Click.
Got it.
But if you actually needed to like fly in somewhere and like do hard things that required like reaction time, it just seems like a person is the best for that.
Solid point.
And maybe persons or people are a little harder to jam.
Can you just put a counter UAV up and ruin all my drones?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Did you guys see the big thread on volunteers for Ukraine
that went viral?
So basically...
Is this Reddit? Yeah. Yeah, it's a reddit and i saw it like going big on twitter so i started looking at it like from a couple days ago
so the foreign legion or whatever it's called missile strikes hit their training base and killed
quite a few of them 30 and like 30 35 something like that is what they're saying of course you know that you listen
to russia it's way more than that but you know they and the guy who went over there posted this
clip and he's saying stuff like we showed up over there and like you can go read this thread it's on
volunteers for ukraine it's called foreign legion missile strikes and the guy the op is posting all
about how he went over there and everything and he's saying stuff like like they got bombed and he immediately left immediately left ukraine and said that
everybody else wanted to leave ukraine but that you can't just fucking leave apparently like the
ukrainians are like you just fucking you can't just go like of course you can't if you try and
leave and you have any military gear on or you're a man they're gonna be like fuck you get back and he's like and nobody
speaks ukrainian and so we're there and it becomes someone was talking about like like we this guy
commented something so fucking funny like call of duty like like someone was like you went to war
against russia and you were surprised they had air power.
What did you think was going to happen?
What did they think you were going to be doing?
You know, you guys are joining more of a National Guard style thing where you're going to, you know, they need people to hold down these outposts. What do you do? What do you think you're going to be doing?
And this guy's comment was like, we thought we were going to be, you know, strategizing advances.
And I wanted to be taking back cities.
And it's like you are you're already
running away do you think kiev is going to be a calmer situation than 10 miles from the polish
border and it's like it's this guy like talking about it and some like you know oh you know i was
an afghanistan veteran and it's like yeah you've never fought someone with an air force ever you've
And it's like, yeah, you've never fought someone with an Air Force ever.
You've now you're on the side where they're giving you an AK and 10 bullets like in your face in the Russian army.
Like, do not go over there and do this.
And so many of these people like who are clearly in it for the memes laughing at this, this guy and the people.
I mean, it's sad that people died, obviously.
But like, take it as a warning.
Don't fucking go over to a war zone and fight.
Don't listen to Taylor people. Don't be a pussy.'t be a pussy like taylor people live your life all right think
of it go watch that braveheart speech right now and listen listen to what mel says listen to what
the road warrior says okay because it's important stuff when you're dying in your bed an old man
and you think god damn it i wish i died for that country i've never been to i wish i wish
i had gone to the ukraine and thought it's not made a difference i wish i'd gone to ukraine and
made a difference like everybody else did and apparently there is they found those they found
those american bio labs and exposed them to the world and i could have been part of that i could
have been part of the team that found the bio labs dude apparently there are there were people at this like uh he's gonna training camp
and shit that were just like taking selfies of the of where they were and like posting it online
and it's like you can't do that you can't be we found osama because some guy took his phone out
and started using it once.
You can't be in a war zone and start fucking around on Twitter for your fucking upvotes.
Well, that's the reason I'm there, Taylor.
I'm not there for people.
I'm there for the karma.
To be fair, though, the Russians don't have Twitter, so you're safe.
Yeah.
That's how that works.
Touche.
No, I really do think that people should go and get in there. But what's funny is like, I think we need to, I want an hour long show that we do called Personal Responsibility, where we talk about when you sign a piece of paper as an 18 year old, we need to decide if 18 is old enough or if 18 is too young for certain things.
Is it old enough to join the military? Yes.
Okay. Are you sure about that? Yeah.
What about student loans? Well, no. You're not old enough for student loans.
Old enough for military? Yeah. Not old enough for student loans? No.
What about alcohol? Hell no!
Wait.
I can borrow enough money to buy a liquor
store, but I can't drink a beer.
Yep. Okay.
What about weed? Are we yes or no
on 18-year-olds with weed? How old do you need to be
to smoke weed?
I'm not asking what it is. I'm asking what it should be.
21 for everything.
I think it should probably be 21, same as alcohol. Yeah, because if I'm a asking what it is. I'm asking what it should be. 21 for everything. I think it should probably be 21, same as alcohol.
Yeah, because if I'm a parent, though,
I think as a parent, too, probably 18.
Probably 18. I don't know. Probably 18 or 19.
I just wouldn't want you getting stoned all day at school or something like that.
It wouldn't be a big deal if once every other weekend,
my 16 year old kid
got high but like if your kid is like making that their personality yeah and like uh you know like
like every shirt they've got has a pot leaf i don't own a single piece of clothing that has
a fucking marijuana leaf i have a lot of the weeds on the inside you have to be 21 or have a high
school diploma how's that for a law oh i like that i like
ged accounts the ged counts though okay okay ged high school diploma or 21 years old
or how about you can overhead press 135 yes
i just made it at 49 there's to be some fucking yoked 14-year-olds.
There's over that one retard over there.
I made it.
Hey, Dewey, can you buy us weed again?
I want to keep buying you weed.
You're the only one strong enough.
You're putting up two plates.
Stop training for the overhead press.
You're there at 135. He gets gets injured he can't buy you know it'd be like skinny high school kids with massive
just giant delts i mean like there is something to say for that like because obviously everyone
knew people in like middle school high school who like started smoking weed every day at like 12 13
through all their developmental years like that is bad for you.
Like those those kids were retarded like they were.
Maybe it's a chicken in the egg situation there, but like it's just not fucking good to be doing it every day as your brain is growing.
The thing Kyle said about making it your personality, you know, back in my day, which was ages ago, there were people who were like
Grateful Dead.
Grateful Dead and Pot was their personality.
So they just dressed
in the tie-dyes all the time and they
had the unkept hair and that was their thing.
Like 75% of women
that you meet on the internet or
on dating sites or wherever that you meet,
their personality is the office.
Yeah, that is the curious part of
online dating.
I like the office. It's the TV show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You need to have your office trivia down
if you're going to get laid in the 21st century,
Woody. I didn't know.
Yeah. Chicks love the office.
They love it.
They all want their own Jim Halpert.
Yep, yep.
Alright. I. All right.
I'm a Jim.
Not at all. Not at all.
Jim's such a pussy.
He is a pussy.
I never liked it.
Dwight was the alpha male.
He did what he wanted when he wanted,
and he didn't care because he was autistic.
Jim is the one who's sitting over there
too enfeebled to do too much
other than put people's shit in jello.
When Michael pulled a prank, what did he do?
He'd light fires and almost end lives.
You guys are underestimating Ryan.
He's where it's at.
I think he made millions.
He took no responsibility for his own action, and he got laid.
Well, that's only the beginning part.
Then he loses all of it, and he has to come back to the office, doesn't he?
Yeah. Is that? Yeah. You know, has to come back to the office. Doesn't he?
Is that,
yeah.
You know,
but you're talking about Ryan one.
Oh,
Ryan two.
That I was not responsible for Ryan.
One.
I really don't know.
I heard a lot of people.
I don't remember hardly any of the office after Michael leaves, because I just,
I think I've watched that section of it once ever in the whole time.
I just didn't like it.
I'm pretty good at office trivia.
It's, it's one of the things I know best. Like the minutia of it once ever and the whole time i just didn't like it i'm pretty good at office trivia um it's it's one of the things i know best um like the minutiae of it yeah um i wouldn't get against this at all um i i've done like the trivia things i do okay there's some things it's just
like i can't remember what jim's brother's names are like like every time that comes up at like a
trivia thing i'm like fuck i can't remember that shit. He's got two brothers.
Yeah, you see them
in at least two episodes.
Season two, episode seven.
Like a Star Trek person.
Oh, did you guys watch
the new Batman?
No, I haven't watched it yet.
I've been wanting... Yeah, it's in theaters
and that'll be required.
I'm probably going to watch it maybe this weekend
I plan on going and doing some things
so Taylor watched it
he wasn't too hot on it
it's the Robert Pattinson Batman
so it's a completely new thing
I heard he refused to do steroids for the role
which thumbs down
it looks like he refused to work out at all
I like my superheroes to be on the juice.
I like my superheroes on the juice, too.
That is going to be my biggest complaint of this movie.
And I remember when he didn't just refuse the juice.
He refused the workout program.
Really?
Apparently, yeah.
Is he the guy from Twilight?
Yeah.
Don't go back to Twilight, though, because that's like being like, oh, yeah, Tom Hanks.
Is he the guy from Splash? yeah yeah leone cabrio he's the guy from growing pains yeah
from it's like eating gilbert grape although he was good in that so that's
robert pattinson's actually like really talented actor i i he's he's up there in that watch the
lighthouse movie with him with willem daf. I think it's Willem Dafoe.
He's A-tier to me.
He's A-tier.
He's certainly not S-tier, but he is an A-tier actor for me as far as skills.
After the Twilight thing, he did not want to get painted with that brush,
so he went and did a lot of artsy indie things that required him to act,
and they're good.
Well, I mean like or he's good robert
pattinson has a wide range he's a very good actor be prepared to see none of that range
let me guess there's a lot of is there a lot of scowling there's a huge amount of brooding
brooding that's what i was thinking yeah and it is just darker and darker and dark i'm not talking
about like oh my goodness that guy's getting it getting tortured. It's so dark.
I mean, literally, the movie is so dark at times.
I'm in the theater.
It's a massive screen.
And I'm like, what's happening?
Like, it's just so dark.
And there's just shadows.
I was I was not that impressed by it.
And my wife didn't like it that much either.
And she was like, I really feel like the the like dark night rotten dark night not
dark night rises dark night that was the heath ledger one we were like let's watch that you know
see how it stacks up because maybe we're just like rose colored glasses you know the old series and
so we did and even throughout it we're both like oh this is so much better like it's just that's
fair it feels like there's a lot more at stake in the old one and this new one. And tell me if you feel the same way when you guys watch it.
I never, ever felt like the bad guys, the Riddler and the Penguin, were ever a true threat to our protagonists.
Like, it didn't feel like there was much at stake.
Oh, yeah.
That's how I feel watching The Mandalorian in general, but especially this Jango or Boba Fett thing that Boba Fett thing is so bad
dude like like like the more I think about it like like the work the more
that I think that it's just it's like bad bad it's awful you have to watch a
couple episodes of it to like be caught up on Mandalorian though because like
they did six I think it's six or seven episodes
for the book of Boba Fett right the long-awaited thing you got to keep in mind Taylor this guy
is so beloved by the fan base he was a very small role in the original trilogy but he's a badass he
did a few key things that like you're like oh he talks to Darth Vader like that and Darth Vader
lets him like that That says something about him
more than a bunch of exposition might.
More than someone sitting there,
when he was seven,
he killed a Snarlak.
You don't need a story
because you just see how
respected characters treated him.
Man, he's old and fat.
The more I thought about it,
I was like, wait a minute.
They did seven episodes for this and at least three of them have the Mandalorian.
And there's one episode where it's just like, fuck the Book of Boba Fett.
Who wants some more Mando?
You get a whole Mandalorian episode with him doing cool shit.
You really need to watch it because he's got that dark saber, and he's going on a secret mission room full of bad guys and he's cutting them all down like like he gets challenged
for the right to hold the the dark saber by by another guy like a another mandalorian like
he's it's cool it's a good episode they they the fact that they had to stick that in that
it is pathetic it's it's so pathetic It's so awful. That guy is fat.
Nothing he does makes sense. I don't even understand his job.
They call him a daimyo, which I think is Japanese
for a mix of a warlord
and a mob boss. I think that's what a daimyo is. That's my
interpretation. But he doesn't want to commit crimes. He's a crime
lord who doesn't do crime. Why are people
paying him? They're paying him protection money. The first time someone needed him
to protect them, he said, nah, I like the people that are
beating you up better. You guys come work for me. Yeah, you can take half
your money charge less
for your water from now on he he's charging the market price for the water this is like you're
muted it's just awful it's it's such a shit it seems like he's just a criminal then right he's
not anything anymore in in the in the original trilogy trilogy he's like a ruthless cold-hearted
bounty hunter who's traveling around
fucking taking him dead or alive for the highest bidder and now he's just like chilling like like
he doesn't i don't know what he for some reason he cares about the people on tatooine he's like
that's his community now like he just it doesn't make any sense but what does he do you can't just
do a show about somebody chilling he sits in the, and when people come and talk to him and have an issue,
he goes and grumpily investigates it like a grandpa would.
And he literally does.
He's always got the helmet off, and he's just grouchy.
There's a part where he takes this huge bucket of protection money
from this beautiful woman who owns a bar, strip club, club casino type thing it's literally a helmet full of gold
that night an assassin comes to kill boba fett and he spares the assassin and frees him the next
day the assassin goes to the bar that pays boba protection money rips a man's arm off and walks past boba and boba's just like
yeah have a nice day you know as if he's not paid to protect this bar as the dime yo
then later on they blow that bar up killing everyone in it including the beautiful woman
who you kind of like started to like and he goes we're gonna have to do something about this
started to like and he goes we're gonna have to do something about this he didn't care he didn't care and like sounds terrible and if you're any of the townsfolk who would be paying this guy
protection money you'd be like jesus like she paid him two buckets of gold and he didn't even
care when they like blew everything like he was letting he was letting wookies rip off lizard man
arms it doesn't seem like he cares seems like he's just like a bad at his job grifter at this late stage in his life
they get in a low speed chase and through the market and uh they destroy on a planet where
water is so expensive that people can't afford to buy it they destroy so much fruit
that that that there must have been like children literally had to have died because the
amount of fruit they destroyed and then he just like stomps away all badass like yeah i just threw
it all the fruit and i just i wish the camera had just paused on the fruit and waited till the
crying children came for it and then a man with a lash came for the children like because that's
the reality of this planet not a bunch of fucking cyberpunk what a
horrible planet they have to eat fruit because they to get any water well i'm just saying like
like i'm i'm putting one and two together here like if water is so can you imagine the diarrhea
on that planet you know how many apples i'd have to eat to not be thirsty well you juice them you
know you juice them okay fair enough but i mean it's still apples it's still it's still
i'd like a mixture of juices i like a i like i like a like a pineapple uh fruit cocktail type
situation aren't there more kiwi based juices that's a good question kiwi is very underrated
i think they're expensive yeah you know what you see kiwi in juices sometimes but it's always
carried by strawberry.
Strawberry kiwi is the way you see it. They want to throw carrot in there as a filler.
They love throwing carrot in there.
Cranberries must be less than free
because it's cran-everything.
It's really cool when they're farming those
cranberries up and they've got that pond
of them that they're floating on.
It must be cheap
to get a lot of cranberries
because you can't find a thing that'll mix this crayon apple crayon grape cranberry cran who knows
what yeah i drink a lot of cranberries top notch i don't produce a solid i think cranberry juice
is good for you like as far as juices go right like they're all sugar but it's part of my uh my thing it's derrick was the
it's the iodine i think i think there's iodine in it really yeah um i think it's hard to get iodine
in your diet you know there's iodized salt but when you start controlling salt because of
any number of things um then suddenly you kind of cut off from it and the only the best source
i know of it i think was, was the cranberry juice.
So I drank like four ounces a day, every day.
Girls sometimes take it for UTIs.
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
That's like a Supergirl thing.
I didn't know you took cranberry juice
to fix UTIs.
It does. Well, I mean, if it's bad enough.
But yeah, it's definitely a part of the solution.
You've seen The Departed, right?
Yeah. I love that scene. He comes in,
he's like, let me get cranberry juice.
Cranberry juice. My girlfriend
drinks that when she's got a period.
You got your period?
That's not what they use it for.
Fucking smashes
him in the head with a fucking glass
is him in the head and starts
beating the dog which one the guy that came up with the period line or the one that said it
the one who said it like like like who does the smashing leonardo dicaprio starts smashing the
other guy and then like the mouth and off yeah and then so the the mobster in the bar comes up
he's like there's guys you can hit and there's guys you can't hit that's almost a
guy you can't hit but i'm gonna make a rule in here and i'm gonna say you can't hit him anymore
that's a great movie that's a really good movie it is a good movie it was jack nicholson's last
really good film i think right i think so too yeah he pretty much retired after that um there's he's he's got those whores he he takes that
handful of cocaine and like 11 minute racist diatribe from jack nicholson he's just talking
about how he doesn't like anyone you got n words and you got mix and you got the jews and the kikes and you got the cheeks over
there and he's just like he's what he's really doing is like breaking down what like street
life is like in um fucking boston or wherever the fuck they are of course it's boston if anybody's
never seen it don't like research this movie because it's got kind of a um you know you don't
want to know everything that happens but it's leonardo dicaprio matt damon mark walberg and jack nicholson and i can't remember who that
woman is but she's fucking hot i think one of i think i think she gets her titties out
you need to watch that movie it's a good movie one of my favorite movie yeah and i used to think
it when i saw it i i was more impressed with it and maybe i seem to see it again i just think
once you've once i've seen it i don't think it's going to be good on a rewatch because there's
a couple of things that come out of nowhere and when those things
happen like in that moment you're like wow i've i've experienced something cool here like like i
i didn't know i was going to get all this i thought i was just watching a kind of a gangster movie
here like like yeah it's very good the ending like like like that end end like it's just like oh oh oh thank you i want to re-watch it
now yeah yeah i don't want to say anything and ruin it for anyone yeah right i've i've been
thinking a lot and saying not much because which is not a good podcast attribute when we're talking
about a movie you haven't seen you'll appreciate it i think anybody with like a you know an iq above
100 is like oh they don't even want they don't want to give this away.
I want to check it out.
So if you haven't seen The Departed, watch The Departed.
Yeah.
It's a good opportunity not to say anything.
What do you take it?
Yeah.
That's something I tell my kids.
Like, you know what?
The universe gave you an opportunity to be quiet.
You should have taken it.
That was the move.
Every so often it does.
Sometimes that is the move. You say something does sometimes that is the move you say something
retarded and someone around you like knows way more about it and you're like oh well never mind
then like oh it seems like you actually know a lot about this topic i'll shut my mouth now
well wrapped here yeah i'm starving i'm so all right die so pkn 395