Painkiller Already - PKN 472

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

pkn 472 472 is a big number for a like minor project like have you also ran podcast i'm gonna have to be hard scoping i'm i'm dog sitting my brother's dog and as we clicked record the dog walked in from taking a nap and is now like walking amongst the electronics like behind my dad i'm like dirty we don't need to be over there do we she almost wires they're warm and comforting don't need to be over there they're challenging you a like black lab mix like a like a mutt mix but i don't know what she's mixed with she's a good girl she's like four five years old so she shouldn't be misbehaving it's a good girl. She's like four, five years old, so she shouldn't be misbehaving. It's a good spot. To me, that is a really good dog. That is a dog that's a proper sized dog. It's not a stupid puppy, but it's not geriatric yet.

That's where I like my dog. I'm the fucking retard who bought white couches because it looked good. I'm the fucking retard who bought white couches because it looked good. And I literally put my couch cover, I put it in the wash and then forgot my other brother was dropping her off today. And I was like, oh, so I laid out a couple of blankets on the couch and then was in here doing stuff. And she has touched every part of my white couch other than the areas of blankets on it. Every part. Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids areas of blankets on it. Every part. Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids.

The white couches. Good God. That was such a bad move. There's such a bad move. You can't sit, you can't wear jeans on them like, or pajama pants without like little, there's a, an area of it that's like slightly like darker,

darker blue or black or whatever, because I have jeans and like dark pajama pants and just from sitting on it in that it like discolored it over took the plastic well it never had plastic on it i wasn't gonna leave plastic on that's disgusting did you know did you have family who did that i remember my grandma my dad's side had a plastic thing on her couch i thought but i realized as an adult that it was only when we came over like i didn't realize until now actually until this very moment that wasn't the holy shit yeah they were safeguarding the couch from you and your brothers probably

probably like my shit had cousins just being filthy yeah that was the same that house they had was the same one where we me and my cousin who was like two years older than me i must have been like seven and he was like nine and he knew where the key was to open my grandpa's shed and my grandpa had like ancient toys like lawn darts from the 40s and so we were like fucking around with lawn darts we didn't know how to play it was just like like you just heave it up in the air as hard as that turns out that is how you play lawn darts and then you go ha ha ha and you run away from where you think it's gonna land and

then your aunt comes out and is like what are you doing and it's like playing with toys obviously playing with the most dangerous toys we could find. We didn't turn the lawnmower on. Aren't you proud of us for not doing that? You count your lucky stars. We're not chewing on electrical wires. Yeah. Hopefully Gertie won't either. I watched a really good horror movie the other night,

that cobweb thing. I saw the red letter media guys recommend it. And I watched like three minutes of their video. They were like, we really liked this movie. I was like, turn this this off and i went and rented the movie and watched it it was really good and usually i can kind of pick apart the way the direction of stories going or what the gig is pretty early and by the end it's like oh and it is. I didn't know exactly what was going on until like the end. And and I've watched a lot of people die.

Like I've watched a lot of people die and I'm still not sure what's killing them. You know that they don't show it fully until the very end. They don't pay it off until the end. And it's kind of neat. And it's from a little boy's perspective. It's called Cobweb. It's called Cobweb. Yeah.

And it little boys hearing voices and getting bullied at school and just overall got strict parents it's halloween where is it can't go trick-or-treating i rented it because it's in theaters right now but like the whole point of the red letter media review was way to you know stand behind a product and know you're getting something good when it's it was in theaters last week and now it's on demand already. It's like, shit, it's already on demand. So I think it was $3 or $4,

but I'm sure it'll be on Plex in a day or two if you want to wait for that to happen. Remember I called, I was like, hey, I really want to watch Lower Deck and your version of it is incomplete and fixed. It's perfect. I finished it. On that note, the copy of Face Off, you know, the one

where John Travolta and Nick Cage swap faces. It's in German. It's in German and you know, it was funny for the first 15 minutes. But I kind of want to know what's going on at some point. I don't remember the... I'm translating into

English, even though I don't speak German for my girlfriend. After a while, I'm just like, you know, we should just get the English copy of this probably. But Cobweb, real creepy, spooky. I was genuinely creeped out a couple times. It has Homelander in it. The guy who plays Homelander,

he's the dad. He brings that same intensity into this. You can tell he doesn't have his big muscle suit on. Okay, he's a normal-sized human being. Cool. But he still has this real scary intensity to him where it's like, ugh. Homelander means business.

Who's the guy in Boys from the TV show with the two brothers, Supernatural? Jensen Ack brothers, supernatural that Jensen Ackles, Jensen Ackles. Okay. So Jensen Ackles got in shape for his, the boys role. Right. And he's there like,

all right, I'm playing a superhero. I got to get fucking jacked. And he just, and he does, and he gets a really good shape and he goes on set. He told this story and all the other actors are like dude why and he's like i'm playing a superhero i gotta look like a superhero and they're like nah

just just get a suit no one gets in shape for the boys the the speedster seems like he's naturally in shape but um yeah they just wear i know i recently saw uh i highly recommend that movie by the way anyone who's listening. Spooky movie. Don't know why they released it in the summer. It's a very Halloween movie. I heard in the review that I watched, or one of them that I watched,

they were like, you gotta look at it through a child's eyes and think of it as a fairy tale. Suspend your disbelief a little bit. Occasionally. I mean, it's not off the walls bonkers. There's big periods of it where it's not off the walls bonkers uh there's big periods of it where it's like yeah this could happen like all of these things could happen and then you get to the stuff that probably can't happen and but but it's a horror movie so it's all right i dug it a lot and because your main character the the the guy you're with is a seven

year old little boy it's extra scary because anything can kill him anything yeah get him high stakes he could like a teenager is is scary as fuck like they'll get him like like run kid they're coming i i looked it up last night and i saw like oh it's for seven dollars on amazon or whatever it was and then i went over to plex because i finally got the plex login which was like i did not know how to check discord dms apparently unless i had already like been a friend and so i was like i don't see a message and kyle's like do you see above that it just has the discord logo and i'm like oh the one with hundreds of red next to it. Yes. It's this guy's name.

Like, oh, there he is. There he is. And he hit me up 10 months ago trying to help me out too. So shout out to him. So I opened it up and like was scrolling through and it was exactly what you guys said. I was like, this is what Woody and Kyle talked about three days ago. And they're all available right here. Dude, if you look at newly added it's

what kyle's been watching it's it's amazing and i go back and watch some of them like you know i watched um demon knight was one that i think uh wolf came up with okay uh and i immediately went and watched that it's the it's the tales from the crypt movie uh it's cheesy special effects but all the actors are really good so i like that a lot um yeah there's a lot of good content on there but cobweb was really good and then uh i watched something else too that was really good i watched a couple good movies but cobweb i loved and it's rare that you i find a horror movie that i actually dig um i watched another horror movie last night that was actually good but it'll take me a minute to to find the name of it was kick good yeah i don't know i like uh i like i like um i don't know like shitty action movies are just

irredeemable i can't even laugh at that shitty comedy well now it's just not funny yeah missed but shitty horror can kind of do this thing was oh well that was a cool kill or did you see his head explode or like come on let's let's see if we can oh do you see the fucking shadow of the camera man look at that you know you can have fun with it in so many different ways but uh and every now and then you find a standout little hidden gem like like that movie and i think cobweb's really good someday when you come over again i would love for you to talk horror movies with Colin. Uh,

I'm not calling you autistic, but it is a very normal thing for autistic people to like horror movies. And, uh, Colin is a fan every, every night he watches a horror movie, usually terrible horror movie. He's 20.

He can watch whatever he wants. Yeah. And, uh, cause I saw you made a look at it. Maybe I didn't know the autistic thing. I'm like, I love horror. I didn't, well, not. I'm like, I love horror. I didn't.

Well, not only people, but anyway, every night in the conversation goes like this every single night. Hey, Woody, I watched him or, Hey dad,

I watched a movie. I was like, all right, what was it called? And it's like, you know, tarantula three. I'm like,

okay, this sounds like a horror. What year did it come out? What was it called? I asked, sometimes I'll ask if it's animated as an extra clue and then i guess the length of the movie and there are some like sort of patterns like older movies tend to be a little shorter if it's from like 2005 and more current it might be closer to two hours like 145 if it's older it

can be as low as like 117 an hour and 17 minutes. Every night I try to guess the movie length. I've gotten to where if you bet I'll come within five minutes, you'll probably make a lot of money. But if you bet I get it right, 83 minutes? 88 minutes is a strong guess. Check DraftKings.

See if that's a category that you can start betting on to help longer horror movies like you can tell a horror movie is bad when you're scrolling through when you see like 73 minutes this is gonna be horrible and then i disagree okay i disagree um i would much rather i think there are a lot of 90 minute movies that should have been 73 because they had 73 good minutes or 73 okay minutes and adding 17 more minutes of shit turned the

whole thing sour. I watched a movie last night called Significant Other. It's on Paramount Plus. It's a couple who are going off into the wilderness. Secretly, the guy's going to propose when they get way out there to the beautiful overlook. Things go awry in the fucking woods.

Um, I don't want to spoil it. It has, uh, in the later seasons of the office, they brought this young guy in who was kind of like the tall new gym. Wasn't funny on the show. He's in this movie and he's great. He's good.

He's funny. You like him. He's got a sense of humor. Uh, and it's juxtaposed with some pretty wild shit that's going down in the woods him and his girlfriend um have a real rough time of it and a lot of people die and there's monsters and gore and i didn't see any of it coming it shocked me several times uh the only way that i knew that any of it was coming was because i watched too much of the trailer fuck trailers these days god damn it you showed me what happens why'd you watch the watch can i add something to that because i didn't know if i wanted to

watch the movie or not i was just fishing for new shit so it of course there's exceptions to this rule but i think trailers have improved in the last like five years but if you watch like a 2012 trailer there's a good chance they show you all the way to the third act it goes too far but uh they've heard that criticism sometimes what the way i view trailers now and i think this is how if you're a pro out there and you care about spoilers here's how you watch a trailer you're ready to click pause so as soon as or back or whatever and as soon as you trailer you're ready to click pause so as soon as or back or whatever and as soon as you know you're going to watch this thing stop stop as soon as you know because it's going to keep giving you bigger and bigger plot points because it's like you still

don't know if you want to watch that's what that's how the trailer works so by the end they're showing you the moment when thor shows up in the last five minutes and kills everyone they're like this is what happens at the end you'll love it we promise come on oh man i didn't know if thor was gonna pull this one out i love being surprised by a movie i love being surprised by a movie and not seeing it coming and not knowing who the bad guy really was and uh this movie did that to me a couple times it's stricter with your trailer watching like i have i'm trying to think genuinely i don't think i've ever ever went and clicked the trailer option on netflix hulu amazon like i just read the paragraph and if it looks

good i'll hit play i've never once gone and looked at the trailer. So here's my case for seeing at least some of it. I need to see how much effort went into just... I need to see what it looks like on the screen. Sometimes you're like, oh my God, this is Handycam. This is that Handycam I had in high school. That's a risk with horror. There's a good movie called Sunshine, apparently. It's a sci-fi movie.

I think they're trying to restart the sun. I was trying to watch it a couple nights ago and so i just used the voice command sunshine and it started playing this ghetto ass low budget movie where these two black this black guy and girl are in like a pimped out hooptie like like it's crazy like like it looks like at my ride vomited on the car and she's like you got any of that stuff and he's like what you talking about she's like that white bitch which means cocaine i imagine and uh and he's like code yeah right and and he's like nah but i know where to get it and i'm like what am i watching and again it's shitty handicapped and he's like you can you got money to pay for it she's like shit you know i fuck for favors and i'm like this is not sunshine

i'm glad i didn't rent this because it's not the movie i want to finish it i loved it i'm gonna tell you it's the movie of no i didn't finish it it was absurd it it it was absurd uh but significant other very good cobweb great uh i have a question about cobweb like them both if you were to classify it i find that a lot of horror movies fall into two kind of genres right there's tremors that kevin bacon i know it's not exactly horror but work with me. Fred Ward. Where it's really easy to follow. There are big monsters that we're running from and fighting against.

And that's sort of one style of predicament that someone can get in. The other is more like paranormal, where it's subtle and it's teased a lot. What's cobweb? I ask because Colin is much more of a Tremors guy. I see. what's cobweb i ask because colin is much more of a tremors guy i see well this little boy hears voices in this wall and his parents don't believe him and uh it turns out they should believe him because there's stuff in his wall um there's a there's a there's stuff living in the wall and it's a real problem and the the person that's talking to him in the wall this little girl that

he hears is becomes a bad influence on him she tells him you can't be bullied anymore you can't be the one that gets pushed down you got to be the one who pushes you got to make him fear you and so the next day at school he pushes the bully down like a scary flight of stairs and like breaks him breaks his leg severely and then he gets expelled. And it's like, Oh my God, that really happened all in 30 seconds. Like the voice told him to do a thing. And he was like,

fuck it. And crippled a kid. And now he's expelled from school. And that makes, now he's spending all of his time at home with the voices. And so it's, it's that kind of movie. And then at the end,

you know, the thing in the wall gets out. Cause why, why wouldn't it? It has to. Yeah. There then at the end, you know, the thing in the wall gets out. Cause why, why wouldn't it? Um, there's some, there's some violent, it's a violent,

violent movie. There's a lot of gore. There's, um, there's people getting torn in half. There's people like, um, vomiting blood.

It's, it's, it's a, it's a good film. I enjoy myself. I was curious what you, you said earlier, Woody, like, how do you know it's it's it's a it's a good film i enjoy myself i was curious what you you said earlier what do you like how do you know it's like like horror movies are like popular with a lot of autistic people i'd never heard that oh i didn't make it up but i think maybe we got it because

oh we yeah we um colin sees he's like a host of professionals that help him with his development. And we learned it from them. Huh? I wonder what it is that, that makes that movie so enticing. I love horror movies. One thing he might like, maybe not, I don't know. I don't,

but I love the, I think it was on AMC or somewhere. They had top 100 horror movies of all time or something like that. And they go through all of them and give you and it it was like a four episode thing it was like four or five hours of this because they don't just go number number 100 tremors number 99 the mask they go and do interviews and show the monster and stuff and that's how i found a bunch of stuff that i never would have found before just watching like top 10 videos and top 100 videos and behind the scenes shit i like that stuff a lot i'd never heard of the phantasm movies the one where you've got that silver ball that

levitates around from the other dimension and it drills into the people and shoots the blood out the other side and then there's also the also the tall man from the other dimension. The actor's like seven feet tall or something. He's just diabolically scary. I'd never heard of that before. I've never heard of it until right just now. I need to look at those lists more. Often I'll look up a list for movies and I'll be like,

what are the best thrillers? And it'll be like Rotten Tomatoes, best thrillers or whatever category. And I'll get to number 10 before i realized i'm reading like jay swift 42s top 10 lit and it's like damn it this is just a guy who submitted i like imdb's list um that's like i went through that a long time ago whenever i was just hunting for movies that i should have watched but hadn't seen before i like you guys know that should have watched are you familiar with dead meat the youtube channel no i haven't heard oh this is like this is an event for colin and therefore to some extent in my house every friday they come out with a video called kill

count and i think they basically just highlight the kills in a horror movie i've never watched it but to colin it's like all right we're gonna get like a horror movie recommendation from dead meat i'm gonna watch all the kills and then with that knowledge i'm gonna enjoy the movie and see all the kills in context and it's like you are perhaps a sick fuck but okay after you described it absolutely i've seen i've seen a bunch of those okay um i usually that's a violent movie i will watch those after i've seen a bunch of those. Okay. I usually... That's a violent movie. I will watch those after I've seen the movie,

or if it's a movie I'm just not going to see. If it's like Pumpkinhead 4, The Reckoning, I'll be like, yeah, how many kills were there? Did you ever see Hostel, the first? I have only seen the first one, and it was like... I thought it was going to be like Saw. I think at the time Hostel came out,

Saw 1 was the only one I'd seen. And people might, if you haven't seen all the Saw movies, the first one is excellent. It's really, really a good movie. It doesn't lean on gore a tenth as much as any of the other ones because it was super low budget.

They were just having to use one room and so it had good writing. The acting was serviceable and all that. Hostel, I thought, was like, oh, it's going to be another kind of like these almost locked in a in a bad predicament and you have to use your wits and cleverness to get out it is just torture porn it's nothing but torture porn it's just like oh what's this scene gonna be it's a wealthy businessman who's coming in to clip your toes off and it's like oh man i wonder how this chick's gonna escape

this and it's like there's no you just watch her get like her toes clipped off or a guy get his like the tongue cut out or be blinded and it's like this is this is awful i remember fucking hating that move it's too much cool i always mix it up with is it brazil do you know that movie there's one where it starts off they go to a beach and everyone in this movie is like really good looking they're like 25 years old they're at the beach they make fast friends with each other and then i think they like maybe the weather goes bad and they have to stay somewhere they didn't intend to and now they're just fighting for their lives it turns out half the people on the beach were bad guys and you don't know this word oh man sounds better than hostile yeah yeah a series of evil

people and like the character a lot of the characters you get tortured to death aren't even like they're introduced for the sole purpose of being tortured to death like the tortury and the torturer will have no bigger part than that. No, they're just, yeah. So that's Eli Roth. He's the director of that. He is that black-eyed guy. He's the bear Jew. Black-eyed guy.

Oh, Teresa. He's the bear Jew from Inglourious Basterds. He's the one who comes out with a bat or whatever and smashes. He's got those dark eyes. That's Eli Roth. He makes movies like that. His best movie, I think, that I can think of is cabin fever it's the body horror horror movie where you know a bunch of horny teens are stuck in a cab and turning on each other as their skin melts off i've seen that yeah

also not a fan of body horror either really but okay well i didn't know this guy was even a director yeah teresa's is the movie that i called brazil i made a mistake and uh i something about the juxtaposition from the start of the from the start of the movie where they're just in their version of heaven they're at the beach everyone's attractive they're making friends and perhaps girlfriends and like they're just on the top of the world right this is gonna be one of the best weeks of their life to the worst week of their life or perhaps the last week it's uh it's not a horror movie but it just made me think of that it was it's maybe it was supposed to be a horror thriller or something it was so fucking stupid it was an m night shamalan movie

called old that i watched like within the last couple years and it's like the story is like oh there's like a beach that's magic and it makes you old when you go to this beach yeah if you stay on the beach yeah if you they're like it's almost like a supernatural like like portal of like they go through these caverns to get to the beach it's really not and they get there and the the premise as with a lot of m night shaman on things is like oh this is like the i think he's a premise guy not a conclusion movies exactly something like that and they get to the beach and the frustrating part is that like you as the viewer are watching people age rapidly like every scene the kids coming out of the water

taller and like voice changing and like people's hairs getting gray and you're like an hour and 20 minutes into it like people are getting like they're they're very obviously 25 30 years older than they were and there's still people like what are you some sort of crazy person thinking we're aging at the beach what are you talking about and it's like that level of shit they're they're 40 years older the kids are they the kids show up they have their own kid

kid is 22 fucking because he and the like it's a six-year-old boy and like six-year-old girl are both now in their mid-twenties like having sex and there's still people like there's something fishy you see that kid jacking off he was born today i'm sure something's happening remember before lunch when that kid was 11 and that when he was six and like people are still trying to convince themselves yeah this movie suffer from that it's really have you seen the the village i thought was an amazing premise and i if you don't know what's coming then it's great but once once you know what's going on in the

village uh the village i will describe as it's portrayed and as you should go into it as there are people in like colonial times being plagued by werewolves and um or were monsters of some kind and uh they're in this isolated sort of maybe religious village and it's a closed community and it's scary um and then there's a wacky turn and you're like holy shit i didn't see that coming unless you do you can spoil the village who gives a shit i don't know i hate to spoil the village i'll spoil it they realize they're in the modern day they they're they they're in the modern day being sequestered off and like when the woman discovers that they're in the modern day she wanders like maybe maybe a mile from where the the breaks, and then they're hearing traffic. So for decades, no one's blown their horn

on that stretch of highway. It's so fucking stupid. And isn't Adrian Brody a retarded guy, and he's really frustrating to deal with? I'm getting some flashbacks of that, and I think the main character is a cute girl who's blind, though, and that's what really makes her journey at the end

perilous. She has to make her way to civilization blind and the way they kept people from leaving the village and discovering the outside world was by dressing up as those werewolves very convincingly as like scary monster things that would plague you in the woods especially if you're blind

right? It's easy to scare the blind. I don't know if you've ever... Oh, yeah. Oh, we lost you. I think your audio ended, Kyle. Lost your audio, friend-o. Yeah, it would be very easy to scare the blind, but that also proved in the movie,

it was like anyone could have seen through this and escaped at any point. The blind woman, like, it was a week or so in the movie from when she had her first big hunch to when she, like, broke out out and no one else did for. It's supposed to be like a centuries old community. And every old geriatric person is dressing up like a lunatic and like walking probably loudly, knees popping into the woods at like 1 a.m. So they can scare people.

It was a centuries old community, right? It was like supposed to be. It's like, oh, we've lived this way for many, many years. No, it's revealed at the... Only some people don't know that. I guess I wasn't paying that much attention. No, so it's revealed at the end that sort of

the oldest people in the village who are like 45, they did this. Like some bad shit happened in New York. Like the wife got raped or something and the husband got this. Some bad shit happened in New York. The wife got raped or something and the husband got beaten. Something bad happened. Maybe their youngest kid got murdered. There was an incident. They were like, fuck this

world. Everybody had something like that happen maybe, but they had all fled here to live like in olden times or whatever. That was their solution for the violence and scariness of the real world out there or whatever. But it hadn't been hundreds of years or anything,

which is always fun. That's the fun thing about these movies is it's all up for debate. No, it's not. It's not even a little. They get to the end and he's really lazy out there. You know, I haven't seen the movie, but I have an opinion too

yeah it's easy to have opinions on movies you haven't seen yeah i was probably wrong i would also like i was playing magic on my computer probably while i was playing you know two movies that i want to see that i hope end up on Plex are The Meg 2, because I got to see Jason Statham take that shark on, of course. And I think it's Demeter, which they made an entire new movie that with shipments of the soil from transylvania because it's like magical soil that he has to be amongst and uh but to but on the journey which is you know it's a sailboat i don't know a month or something he's creeping out at night and feeding upon the sailors and so slowly people are dying on this boat and nobody knows what's going on they kind of gloss through over it and kind of let's get to london in the book you know it's just one little thing

but the boat sails into the harbor i think that the guy uh like the captain or somebody has tied themselves to the wheel and locked the wheel into a forward position so it would make it to harbor because he was the last man standing and they still didn't know presumably what was going on and so they made a whole movie about that so I want to see that too I don't like vampire stuff very much I'm just not intrigued by it it's like the least

interesting of the supernatural characters it doesn't seem that bad like being a vampire seems kind of cool like if I got turned into a werewolf that's a that's a fucking ordeal every month you're just going to destroy everything you own and murder someone and then hope that you don't like wake up in jail or like with a bunch of tranquilizer darts at the zoo you would have to invest in a whole dungeon you would if you're a vampire like you you are immortal

you can eat whatever you want anytime or fuck it depends on the kind of vampire you are some of them are able to eat like real human food they just can't sustain on anything but blood a lot of times they're hit with the ladies which is a cool thing about being whether they like it or not yeah because they can fly, they're strong. They have hypnotism powers, and they'll just take you anywhere. Whether the women like it or not. He eats people.

Whether they like it or not, it didn't even occur to me to consider the woman's feelings. What, are some vampires gay? They are cannibalistic murderers. They don't consider anything a crime like they will eat you and drink your blood like that but like it's just with the little rivalry between werewolves and vampires is like what would team werewolf even say like they have to be pissed to be like are

you fucking kidding me like how are we ever gonna beat these infinitely wealthy immortal flying super strong people when our best ability is like we can kind of control our anger not only would i be a vampire but i would like i would be a vampire slave for like the first 50 years of it or something in exchange for being a vampire you know what i mean it's it's it's that cool of a gig. And then the monkey's ball is like they turn you into a vampire at 87 and you're dealing with that. No, now, right fucking now. No, you said you'd be a slave for 50 years. At 87, I'll give you the fuck up.

As a vampire, that way it works. I was just like begging at 39 and a half, like, please, in my thirties, in my thirties. I wish I was a sprite joe biden yeah no i would love to be a vampire which is old which is you know in the tv show true blood i like that they explore that that's fully a part of when vampires come out of the coffin that people are like oh man please make me a vampire sir master will you please make me one of you and it's like no i'm going to eat you bitch like it's it's a you want

lots of people want to be a vampire because why wouldn't you the one downside is besides now you eat blood although it seems like they love it they love Well, they love it because it's the only thing they can get full on, right? I like to imagine that now it tastes like pudding or something. Like, it's just the best thing ever. Yeah, yeah. I'm with you there. The people who give the blood don't always like it. Oh, I don't care about that.

It's taken from them. So they wouldn't. And also, like, they'll say, like, oh, they have to live in some area and they can only go out at night. Like, that's such a minor commitment as a vampire think of how quickly in vampire time you could amass a fortune to like build uh in northern alaska where it's night a million you know 99 of the time and you're already a billionaire and so you're like talking to china getting fresh blood human trafficking victims sent to you like and they're they act like they're living in New York.

You know where I'm going to live? Las Vegas. Why? It's sunny there. There's no sunlight in the fucking casino. If you're going to live your whole life in a casino? In the daytime, I have a casino. But at least I have this huge place full of people that I can go with no sunlight in it at all.

That is pretty good. Another thing about Vegas is that city doesn't really sleep. taylor was like only being able to go out at night it's not really a problem and i'm like i had the dumbest concern all the fish stores are closed what's your plan taylor how are you gonna do it but like you take the fish you want yeah not just fish stores though like home depot like the whole world is kind of closed but kyle's vegas thing goes a long way towards that solution and like if you are a full-on vampire you'll have your own set of thralls so you could be like all right you are you're my vampire thrall go buy uh go buy a fucking uh fish food and you go buy a brand new john deere get some little pebbles that go on the bottom. I want the ones that glow under black.

That's why I like vampires. They all have a bunch of vampire, like lower level slaves that don't get hurt by the sun yet. So they can go take care of stuff. You're right. But it's not just a lack of aquarium pebbles. It's the fact that you,

the whole world's closed when you're awake. That would kind of suck after a while. But after 300 years, it depends what you need. You're not going to want to be around normal people like you'll be so so weird and inaccessible of a person frankly so disagree if your memory doesn't eastwood's 100 he's he's he's fairly normal you're saying that you gave another 100 years i just have lost my mind i'd be an insane vampire living in a cabin up in the

you'd have the time to live hundreds of years as one of the wealthiest influential people in a country and then go spend hundreds of years additional in dark and then go do the hundred years of that again once you know

there's no time limit now you can sit down and say you know what next 10 years is guitar time by the time i'm done with this in the 2030s when i pull the guitar out people are gonna fucking notice i guarantee it you could do that every decade you could master a new thing you'd be leonardo da vinci fucking Bruce. God, I had that same thought, Kyle. But then here's the monkey's paw of it. If I sat you down in a chair across the kitchen table from a four-year-old, you would find that kid boring as fuck.

They offer nothing of interest for you. They don't have any original thoughts. They don't have any deep thoughts. They're surface level at best they know whether they prefer fucking cupcakes or pie if you're a 600 year old vampire that's mastered everything that's been watching youtube videos about the fucking nature of jupiter and guitar study and everything else and you sit down in front of me i am that four-year-old to you i disagree you have no connection to anyone the four-year-old will have no appreciation for for the fact that

i've mastered all those those qualities i can't fuck the four-year-old if i impressed it anyway so i'm not gonna enjoy this at all but but but i could do all those things with you or with other people that i like impressed with my many skills, I could, I could become a teacher. I would be so wonderful to, to have, like, if you had gotten to the, I feel like there are 90 when, cause someone's really mastered something like they get so old that they

can't really even remember how they got started. But you, if you're my, your faculties would stay sharp forever. You can be like the Confucius say guy for everything you would know. I don't know. I would love to be immortal. And I don't think people would get less interesting.

I think you would become less surprised by people. But I think you would still want to like, you know, hang out with people, meet new people. And I just live your crazy. If the relationship is going to go two ways, that other person needs to be 600 years old too. No way. No, definitely. You'd feel so distanced from people in your life. After 600 years, you wouldn't see yourself as a human at all.

You would see yourself as a totally different thing. I'm not a human. I'm a vampire. I know, exactly. How are you going to make connections with people in a real way? You wouldn't be able to. And you'd resent all of your fellow vampires because

you're hanging out with all these people. The same way I love Toby. I appreciate your company the same way I appreciate Toby's company. That's not great. I think that makes my point. I think it's innocent. What was I going to say?

The Toby thing. Sorry. Losing points, going both ways. I lost it. But yeah, you could help and care for people like they're your pets. Oh, here's what I was going to say. So as I've aged, my concept of time has shifted a little bit.

When I'm four years old, I have to be older. When I'm four years old, now I have to be older. When I'm seven years old and summer vacation's coming up, it never ends. Summer vacation to a seven-year-old is a stage of life. Summer vacation in high school is something that you know goes by in a wink. And when you're 50, next year's not far away. and when you're 50 like next year is not far away like your concept so if you're 600 and i'm hanging out with taylor taylor's life is going to be over quickly it's just a wink to me you know what does taylor have like it's like less than a dog's life comparatively like you're more right 50 years now like whatever i'll hang out with taylor for now yeah and you're forgetting that

i suppose you could bite yourself a young lady and keep her uh you know lady prime forever with you and while at the beginning you would be say 100 years older and she would be like your dog after 100 years you know it's just like everything else well when she's 30 and i'm 40 we'll be pretty close and when she's 40 and i'm 50 who even cares and when she's 50 and i'm 60 i mean it's the same fucking deal right you know and the same thing works when she's 800 and i'm 900 so we'll we'll see things out and uh and live our forever life together me and i don't know how you got 90 years immortal life more old than her i'm gonna get in i mean after a while it's you probably replace her right or you think you're

gonna have an 800 year relationship why not that sounds awful well what am i gonna do put her down she's a lady not a fish that's the thing like you're and you wouldn't even be able to like i'm stuck on the thing you wouldn't be able to empathize with humans at all they would have been nothing but food for centuries you will have spent 95 of your life as a vampire who sees humans as distinctly different and less than and the idea of forming a relationship with one you it is so non-permanent to you that it's like, what's the point? What's the point of befriending this nothing? What if I only fuck vampires?

Would that make you feel better about my relationship? That gets back to my thing of like, if you're going to be a vampire, you got to just distance yourself from the whole world and go live in a vampire community. A vampire community! That's the last thing we want! No, it's not because you're not getting each other and you're over there like so you can import as many human you're the fucking one-eyed man in the land

of the blind you're like you know what i really need to find a group of one-eyed people so that so we can all be equals i really hate this thing where i'm the guy in charge with all the power and just the boss over everything the guy one guy who can see. How long can you boss around Lego figures before you realize it's empty? What are you talking about? You can have it all. You're a vampire, man. You're a god.

You eat them. They're your food. It sounds like the best time ever. Hope you get locked up. Totally fucked. What? Just you spend 900 years in jail. Dude, you're like, I imagine that you would lose your mind because i'm even like which one of you i agree with i'm really because kyle's point of being a god like taylor has managed to become a

god and then go to a place where he's not a god anymore. You ruined it, you fool. On the other hand, I'm kind of with Taylor where it's like, you're god of the dogs? You're god of the opossums? Why would you want to rule that kingdom anyway? It sucks. So,

I don't know. You become disillusioned with it. It wouldn't be fulfilling to you. You would have so many existential crises as a vampire. Like, you could only be around so long. Like, I think most vampires would end up killing themselves. How long do you think it takes before people are just not even people to you anymore? Because I think it's silly to think that it's 200 years. Not even people?

Like, what do you mean? I don't know. You keep saying you have to say if you're a vampire today people aren't less than they're not on your level that's something you grow into yeah I mean for you it's going to be immediately look at how you framed it I am a god

as soon as Cal could lift a car with one hand the people are that'd be so great it's like you get locked in as a vampire and then right over the horizon, Christ's return. It's immortality. It's the immortality part of it. It's that it's that you have no consequences for any anything. It's it's that time is on your side and all in all ways. Oh, no, no.

Incredible power. I think you're looking at it short sightedly. The the the the immortality and the lack of ability to form real connection is the consequence of it it's a trading any sort of meaningful relationship you could ever develop make vampires tangible material you meet a guy you like girl you like how long can you how long can you be addicted to heroin as a vampire hundreds of years you're gonna do that like it would be empty and terrible i have a question you would yearn for death but to be too fearful of it so this this lines up with the

way that kyle would do this cal you're 37 you're a vampire so you're always going to be 37 well you know physically it's a great age for it you find a great girl she's. And you're trying to determine whether or not you bite her. How long do you let this human rot before you decide to lock her in in a more permanent way? I don't know if you noticed, I bit her in the middle of your question because I didn't want any more time to go by.

I guess I just need to ask her if she's pooped today, and then if she has, I need to bite her. You're like the Leonardo DiCaprio of vampires, just going to college campuses, handing out bites. I need to do a 36-hour fast and really lean out, and then come over after that. Yeah, I like that idea a lot.

If I had a vampire offer, I'd be like, man, I need four weeks to get it. I'm going to lift hard. I'm going to get an intense cut and then lock that in. You know the only way to keep it interesting is there would have to be a super society that far exceeded the reach and power

of the vampires in the form of werewolves. There'd have to be something keeping you on your toes and active because if you've just won the game it's literally like putting the code in have you ever put the code in for infinite maybe i didn't describe what it would be for 98 let me tell you what it would be first from my point of view it would be about shepherding humanity not just maybe one person or another it's like okay i'm the guy who gets to stay here and really, it seems like big empires

can kind of rise and fall with one guy. And once he dies, they have these pitfalls. But if you're the guy who can live forever, you could really see this thing through. I don't know. I would like to do that. I feel like it takes thousands of years before you think of yourself as some otherworldly being who's not one of them anymore. And I would right away with my insane wealth derived from whatever the fuck magic conservative investments over a millennia and investments clearly because we interest works eventually go to add a fucking zero onto interest and you're,

it's going to end well, you're just going to have this unfathomable wealth after a while. I mean, I'm sure I don't have to bite people anymore, right? I've got a scientist who's taking human blood. I'm buying the blood. I got blood vans on the road. People sell their blood to me. My scientist turns it into a drink

that's carbonated, tastes like diet, no, cherry zero sugar wild cherry Pepsi. And I just drink that all day. Yeah, drink that all day. God, that sounds good. I mean, that does sound kind of nice.

And if I meet a woman that I actually love and I want to spend forever with, I bite her. And if things don't work out, we have a vampire divorce and she has to go to another continent. That's in the prenup. And all my exes live in Australia. That's going to be my hit single because I will be a pop

star. I will will it to be so. I think all you need is enough money, frankly, and threaten the right people. And I could make that happen. See, you have a couple centuries where you'd have just probably a ball. I want lots of statues of See, you have a couple centuries where you'd have just probably a ball. I want lots of statues of me, like big ones.

Oh, that answers my question. I was like, would you want to be famous or try to live under the radar? I want my face on the moon. I want it so big that you can't look away from my face. My face is in the night sky forever. You know what? Actually, if I were a vampire with you, I would be like, hey, we are going to go scare the shit out of NASA and get them moving. We're getting them back to the moon. No sooner than 2025. No, no, no. Time to hit the gas and to hit the gas. Give me a date for Mars.

And I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to feed you to the werewolves. I'm not turning you into a vampire. I'm going to I'm going to throw you into the werewolves. I'm not turning you into a vampire. I'm going to throw you into the werewolf pit if we're not on Mars in 2026. Now we're getting space done again and you get to make the case of why your face should be shaped in. I just feel like I would own the moon at a certain point, right?

I mean, if you can fly and you're immortal, you could take care of it yourself, right? You could get to the moon. Yeah, you can't. Flying would be one of the the least useful you know i'm gonna even like up in the air some of the vampires can fly some of them can't yeah yeah i like woody's point i never even considered it before if a vampire put on some sort of an atmospheric pressure suit could he fly to the moon wait wait why does he need the suit even like he can't freeze yeah like solid

are you sure made of like yeah well i mean you know they've never they've never done that thing they did to the terminator i'm not i'm not spoiling terminator 2 god damn it i will not do it i will not allow it but but but you know you could freeze him for sure you could freeze a vampire you could freeze a vampire you know what freeze a vampire. You know what's risky, Kyle? Is you flying out into space, kind of using your thumb towards the moon as an immortal being. Like, you could just be soaring through

empty blackness forever. But I could fly, so I can correct. I can continually correct. You're so wrong. This is how I would navigate. I'd literally do this and be like, yep, and just fly. Just fly straight at the moon.

I don't know if you could fly in space. Because what magic are you pushing on? There's nothing out there to push on with your magic power. There's nothing coming out of the vampire to push on the air that's around him either, and yet there he goes. You know? Magically flying. I'd start slow. I'd say magic.

I'd say I would also start slow with that. I wouldn't go whole hog and just assume with your arrogance of immortality. I can survive in space and then you're just frozen. You know, I'm going back on the whole thing because I feel like that is the moment the humans would have been waiting for to cast off their vampire overlord who they've been secretly hating for centuries, if not millennia and they'd be like he's he left the atmosphere hit him with the with the vampire ray gun that we've been making for a generation and a half and they'd shoot me while i was halfway to the moon and just bump me like a half a light year away or i'd fly into jupiter or something something i couldn't get out of yeah and now you're just immortal

like looking for a piece of wood against all hope like come on in the just in the center of the of jupiter compressed and some sort of yeah i don't know if it turns solid or you'd have to behead yourself that's the only way i could think that a vampire could like kill himself without a wooden stake you'd have to make a lot of sense all right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm having fun. Talking about this stupid shit. I would like to be a vampire. Yeah, me too.

I want to be one for a while. I want to change back. I think you're too hung up on the immortality as if it's some sort of curse. You can kill yourself. You can die. You just get to live as long as you want. That's true. All I've done is put you in charge of your own destiny.

You can just walk into a public place in the sun anytime you want and just you're dead. Fire, the sun uh maybe process holy swim in some holy water i don't know yeah holy stuff you got to stay out of like italy you couldn't go sightseeing and of like uh never go can't go to the vatican no or maybe like you check there and have you guys been to the vatican no i haven't oh i'm not an adult church guy, but it kind of lives up to the hype.

It's pretty impressive. It is a magnificent place to be. I've heard it's like mind blowing that it gets much bigger and more ornate somehow than you would even. Part of me is like, why? Why is it so amazing? Why are all your doors 27 feet tall? Like what? Were there giants here?

I don't know. Nephilim. Yes. The Nephilim. The race of giants. I was sick last night. Dude, if you haven't been sick recently, it is easy to underestimate how awful it is.

I was throwing up. I got out of bed like five times uh like just throwing up all night long i hated it not a fan be real like uh like stomach flu or like food poisoning so i think it was food poisoning that's that was my theory that's the best you can hope for dude i was it's like 4 30 a.m and i'm you know by the toilet getting sick and all that horribleness and it occurred to me like is she mad at me did she poison me like why do i have food poisoning and she's like i ate the same thing and i'm either you've got some sort of billy goat belly or that's evidence that you did poison me if i'm sick and you're not we didn't eat the same thing

what did you give me yeah i think that's something you should keep your eye on i don't like the sound of this i'm glad you brought this up and we recorded it and everything like like when you're like feeling sick and shitty and it's like your throat hurts and like all the not like strep feeling that's terrible but there is something like when you have a stomach flu and you need to throw up like you feel like you're getting something done you're like i'm ridding the sickness you know it's probably not true but it's like yeah this vomit oh it's definitely true it's going oh food poisoning sure but even i felt better after i threw up and then that would last for, I don't know, 30 minutes and back at it again.

Yeah. Yeah. The worst is when like you're so, and I knock on wood, I haven't been this sick and fucking forever where like you have a stomach flu and like, there's nothing left in your stomach, but it's like still doing the convulsion of like,

we need to get it out. And it's like, there's nothing in that cup. And yeah, yeah. Yeah. My mouth is making saliva at record pieces, but's nothing in that cup. Yeah. My mouth is making saliva at record pieces, but I'm

not throwing up. Just that bitter, acidic fucking bile that's foamy at the bottom of your stomach. Whenever I've got food poisoning like that, I'll try to drink as much Gatorade or whatever as I can, because it's just more comfortable to vomit that up

than nothing and just dry heave for sure and you're getting some of it you're getting some of that water in you even if it makes sense like if I was to clean a graduated cylinder or something I'd fill it back up shake it empty it put more in there shake it empty it the Gatorade theory kind of fits

with that it feels better than the Empire Cow's first discovery I get food poisoning a lot fits with that. It feels better than... That was Vampire Cow's first discovery. I get food poisoning a lot. Wouldn't that be disappointing? You get the Emoal Eternity and you realize, like, damn, I'm still too dumb to...

I'll just never do... I've been watching how it's made for 300 years and I don't know how Henry Ford did it with his goddamn factory! Yeah, that would suck if you were just a loser of a vampire still. Even the

other vampires are like, Jesus, Kyle can't get it together. With enough time, you still can't be a professional. Put $1,000 in the S&P 500 and wait. You'll get really rich. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you'd want to start off with some real, some investments like that. Yeah. It would be interesting to just go to sleep and wake up with your investments accrued, right? You know? That happened in Three Body Problem. Yeah.

In Three Body Problem. They didn't invent uh immortality but they invented hibernation so if you're if you wanted to and you're wealthy enough you could put money aside and just come back in 200 years then you'd be super rich but you're hoping that when you come back like the government's been stable for 200 years. The world is basically the same. That people respect reanimated life like they do normal life. You know, like there are a lot. You don't know what you're going to come back to.

Yeah. The laws might change. Someone might buy your head or whatever. Right. Yeah. I don't want that. Who was that guy who froze himself and his head fell off while there was it ted williams a baseball player there are a lot of people who are frozen and they i think i think

they usually just freeze the head i think his whole body was frozen ted williams frozen in two pieces baseball player yeah uh ted williams was decapitated by surgeons at the cryonics company where his body is suspended in liquid nitrogen and several samples of his DNA are missing. So exactly what you said. This guy was like, I'm going to be frozen. Let's see how it goes. Did you say that there are samples of Ted Williams' DNA that are missing?

Seemingly. And several samples of his DNA are missing. So someone could have made a clone of Ted Williams in the last 20 or 30 years. Oh, my God. This is what this guy. This guy's a baseball player. What a lunatic. And after Williams died July 5th, 2002, his body was taken by a private jet to a company in Scottsdale.

There, his body was separated from his head in a procedure called neuro separation the operation was completed and william's head and body were preserved separately why the head is stored in a steel can filled with liquid nitrogen it has been shaved drilled with holes and accidentally cracked 10 times william's body stands upright in a nine foot tall cylindrical steel tank also filled with liquid nitrogen that's awesome i don't think he's gonna make it back well i will say this if they have like if they have his dna they could clone it right yeah but now you got into a whole other bucket of worms like there's no way if they clone me my sentience in this brain doesn't transfer over there it's just a clone with my memories

and shit And so it's not really you know, how do you know there's a difference because then how can my sentience be? Extant here and no no no no I'm not saying that you with all your memories like go over there that doesn't happen That's some sci-fi stuff. You'd have to I don't know how that works I'm sorry for but but if we make a clone of you then he's just like you when you were an infant It's infant you. So we just need to raise him up in a very similar fashion and teach him to be a good baseball player, in Ted Williams' case, or whatever. And you clearly have the talent and everything else already.

And so you just need that upbringing. You could be a better Ted Williams. If you made a new Ted Williams and you raised him in a baseball camp, else already and so you just need that upbringing you could be a better ted williams if you if you made a new ted williams and you raised him in a baseball camp he'd be better yeah he'd be one of the best players in the world you know when he was 25 but the version of him that like cashed in and was like freeze me so i can come back that guy's never coming that guy's gone that guy's gone he's gone like even if they had preserved his brain in some way that i could maybe believe technology somewhere down the road could be like

oh yeah fix you broke it all the pieces but here put the gel in there yeah the gel knows where to fill in the holes all right wake him up and that maybe i could believe that like 10 000 years or something crazy but yeah he's just a bunch of they froze him in liquid nitrogen so he just like fall apart he's all brittle and all the cells explode like cells are water so they just explode when you freeze them yeah i don't think that would ever like i don't think they could just freeze someone and then because however however you would have to freeze somebody or preserve them probably not freezing in order to bring the brain back it would require like infinitely more knowledge about the brain than we even have access to now and so like i bet now like if elon musk paid the richest man ever or rich one of them

like if he paid to have his brain frozen like let's say they do it in 500 years they figure it out those scientists 500 years from now are going to be like, damn, we still have Elon Musk's brain. It's a shame those retards didn't realize that by putting it at this temperature, it permanently disables these areas of the brain and there's no recovering. So moving forward, we can do it, but it's like we wouldn't even be able to imagine.

Immortality will become a thing, or like almost immortality will become a thing when they have a way of taking a memory from you and putting it into me. Once they can find a memory in your brain and download it and put it on a piece of fucking hard drive or something. And then they can take it, plug it into a machine and put it into you. And now you, that's how we know the technology was real at first. Yes, I do remember that time when you skint your knee when you were seven. Your mom sprayed the alcohol.

She had to spray. It was that brown iodine stuff. I remember the smell. And we both like nodded each other. Like, holy shit, we've created immortality. Because we can take all your memories now and put them into something else. Now, is that really you? That's always the question with the teleporters and star trek because they break you down into bits

turn that into a signal send it somewhere another machine takes you know carbon and and fucking elements and makes a new you and then it's you but is it you if the memories are intact it seems like it would be because like what are you think it was but the answer is that's like those characters on um invincible right those two brothers who i'm the clone or no i'm the original you're the clone it doesn't matter in the end because you have you you believe that you're the original so that's all that matters but you're definitely not yeah that's that's quite a brain buster we'll have to yeah that's how you would do immortality immortality if you could ever get that memory

and then you just need a fresh body to put those memories oh yeah i genuinely had a lot of fun theorizing about vampires thinking about outside you want to watch a horror movie it's not jackie's cup of tea and i'm wondering like can that change man yeah you just got to pick a non-gory one more of a psychological thriller one okay hmm i don't know you guys want to wrap yeah i was trying to think of a good recommendation but as i was just picturing bodies exploded in all the movies that i've watched recently so it's like no no no no there's the thing that's a great one that's horrible wait is that the one that takes play it's sort of recent and it happens in the cold no you'd want to make a remake yeah not the remake. Not the remake. Remake isn't very good. I watched the

remake thinking it was your recommendation like two or three weeks ago. Well, you will love the real one so much more. John Carpenter's The Thing is like a real classic with a lot of practical effects. The remake is actually a prequel.

So you saw the prequel to the original um with with uh that that pretty brown-haired girl from fargo and stuff i can't think of her name right now um and a few other actors they're like the norwegian team who found the fucking alien in the block or whatever if you go and watch the thing right now with kurt russell you know og uh it picks up with a wolf running from that station and they're chasing it in the helicopter trying to kill it trying because the wolf is the the monster obviously and it's running to kurt russell's camp and that's where the movie begins that's because you guys gave little hints about the movie and you know i like barely remembered but

i'm like all right i think i know something about the ending of this i think i know something about like how this goes down and as i'm watching it it doesn't unfold like i expect it to now it all makes sense it wasn't the right movie you may be the only person on the planet who's who's seeing it in the correct order yeah go in on that one it's a great movie yeah i agree that the old one i prefer the old one obviously but um anyway that was fun pkn 472