Painkiller Already - PKN 476

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

PKN 476. What's up, boys? How's it going? Oh, just enjoying 5-0 while it lasts with Mizzou. Undefeated, just as good as Georgia, many are saying. Yep. I've heard that recently, too. Yeah.

Someone messaged me today about it, and yesterday and the day before. Taylor. It was Taylor. It was me. We might have the same source there's one guy saying it with a cursory understanding of the ranking system i uh so i have like game pass or something on hulu so i get all the games i don't know if that's a thing that everybody has or not i know i paid way too much for it but um i watched all the games i I watched the UGA game.

They played against fucking Auburn and nearly lost. It was rough. It was a real nail biter. Woody texts like, oh, half time or something. Did I write? Oh, did I spell it right? I have a problem with that. I got your meaning.

And I replied back. I was like, they are not the number one team in the country. I don't think they are. I stand by that because I've seen Texas play. And then I watched the Kentucky-Florida game. Wonderful to watch. But that was more fun to watch than Georgia because I got to see Florida see florida get their shit rocked yeah by kentucky and you're not nervous really fast team oh not at all i'm just like fucking make it embarrassing they fired their fucking coach this week really yeah fuck them uh so so that was really fun and then i watched your game uh i watched old misplay and i even watched

vanderbilt play whoever the fuck they were. I watched – yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. No, I watched a separate game. It doesn't matter. Ole Miss.

I watched the Ole Miss game. That's what I was thinking. I watched the Ole Miss game and the Vanderbilt game. I think. Yeah. So it was a good weekend of college football. Everything lined up the way I wanted it to. You watched a lot of games.

Team Stats and Stories has lost a member. Yes. Team Watch the Game has lost a member i mean team watch the game has gained a member i've always preferred to to see it happen like i so i can definitely be a highlight guy if i miss a whole ufc card i can get by with a few clips on reddit and be like okay i understand what happens what what happened especially if it's not like this five-round war that is disputable. But I don't know. I can't be into football if I don't watch them play.

I've tried to watch. Here's how far I went into trying to like football. I got up at 8 a.m. on Sunday to watch the Falcons play the Jaguars in London. We got thumped. It was so embarrassing. They were just like in the falcons just clearly didn't bring a quarterback and it was a big position michael vick coming out of retirement 20 something to seven well i would take vick like get it last time i saw him he looked good he was doing he was in a suit i know but his footwork was a big part of his game that has to be gone he's like 40 i bet i bet he can chunk it better than that goon we got out there

playing right now we they seriously don't have a quarterback to fucking play in atlanta so that's embarrassing but uh but yeah uh my team uh we got to get through one more week i don't know who you play next week but georgia plays kentucky who i wouldn't have worried about preseason but having watched them play twice now and seeing that they're seemed really good yeah and georgia struggled with uh containing the the speedy quarterback uh of auburn he just kept running this uh this thing out to the side and it was like can no one hit him and i'm screaming they struggle that much? Did they get 10 points all game? It was like 28 to 20 or something. You know what? It was the NC State game.

NC State got 10 points all game. I fucked up. This guy ran for 61 yards in one play. This guy would, like, we had them pushed back to, like, their six-yard line to start a sequence. And it was like, all right, nice. Work your way out of that hole. Wait,

wait, wait, well, then stop, stop it, stop it. And it's 61 yards up the sideline. And he,

they, they couldn't contain that guy. And they were running a lot of, uh, uh, no. Well, um,

I think they ended up scoring on the drive, you know, on the drive. Um, but yeah, my, uh, Mizzou and Georgia play

in two weeks. Hopefully they're still both unbeaten and it'll be a real fun game. Yeah, I know we bet $500 on it preseason. Oh, is that all? I don't know if you guys know, does Mizzou have any hard games in the next week or two?

They play LSU this upcoming weekend, so that's a tough one. And then they have who after LSU? Kentucky, and then South Carolina, and then Georgia. And so three SEC tough teams. I thought we played sooner than that. We played November 4th. Okay, okay.

Way on down the line. At Georgia. Ooh, that's not good. At Georgia, that. Way on down the line. At Georgia. Ooh, that's not good. At Georgia, that can't help. Not good for you. Not good for you at all. But we'll have the better jerseys. That's going to be big.

You'll have what? The better jerseys. We have better colors than they do. We have better jerseys than they do. Everyone knows. It's not one of the louder stadiums. I don't think it holds as many as some of the other places some of those places hold a hundred thousand plus or ninety thousand isn't that crazy eighty thousand i don't think sanford stadium holds that many i don't know

which one of you be better for this question but let's say you're a superhero a good one but not over the top like spider-man or um captain america right yeah these guys are strong enough to bench press a car fast they can easily hurdle the entire offensive line either one of them you single-handedly would be good enough to make a college team win a national championship yeah 100 what team do you gift this to what team do you decide? To me, it's based on the fan base. What fan base, even with the NFL, I feel like Cleveland would appreciate it

more than any other fan base. First of all, the Bills are apparently very good this year. The Bills are very good this year, apparently, according to the ESPN people. I like that streak they have of shame. So let them keep that.

They got hot wings and nothing else in Buffalo, New York. Okay, okay. I think I would want to start at the collegiate level. Let's say I get hit with that ray today, and I'm all super powered up, but nobody knows that. And I would start on the show being like, you know what? You're only like eight months older than Stetson Bennett. There you go. That's what i say i said you know me and stetson we're like classmates essentially more or less you know the way i see it and i've been thinking about going

back and getting an education anyway so i think you'll have your uh eligibility i bet yeah of course i do of course i do i don't know all the rules. D1 has a lot more rules. I have 100% of my eligibility. I don't know how that red shirt freshman shit works, but they can run me through a seven-year college career where I'm getting that NIL money before I even go pro.

You finish up at 44. That's like an Air Bud rules style. Literally a superhero that struggles to get drafted because he's in his mid-40s. I don't want style literally a superhero that struggles to get drafted because it's mid 40s i would be i don't want to be a superhero i'll be a doctor by the time i leave university of georgia and we'll have racked up like 11 straight national titles something like that all all together um you know i figured i could play really just any position right if you're gonna stop until

alabama disbands their program. Until Nick Saban kills himself. It seems like you hate Florida more than Alabama, so I think you'd just destroy Florida. Florida, I feel like, has gotten their comeuppance. They're like a rival who's just been shit on over and over. I want to lose the question. Which fan base would you gift?

Oh, Mizzou. Of the D1 SEC schools, I would give with oh mizzou you know my of the of the uh of the d1 sec schools i would give it to mizzou mizzou's taken too much shit even though they're never the worst sec team like there's always way worse sec teams than mizzou but mizzou gets no love from the sec they're always like oh what are they doing here why are they even in the sec it's like it's been 12 years and they're never the worst team like the maps didn't change though you know so it still doesn't make much sense i mean i don't know why they put missouri in the southeastern conference i think it's very much midwest like we are midwest the south is

very southern but that's not where missouri is in your missouri had cheese curds at every restaurant it could be the sec we like we like yeah we could be either way like the civil war although technically we were union but there were wait what i thought you were literally a slave state missouri i think that like i'm not sure they all were at one time another yeah no that's true kyle that's a little history a little yeah a little obvious history i suppose but well i just think that there's certain people who yeah those were the slave states like they were all slave states like that's right years before they were all slave states yeah you go early enough and where did like thomas jefferson have he's virginia wasn't he yeah i think george washington was he a

southerner but i'd give mizz a, I'd give them to the SEC championship and I would blow out Georgia or Alabama or Michigan or whoever it was. And I would do that all four years. And then I'd move on to the program. Would you make it close? Like, would you make it so that there were heartbreaking losses? Not even a little. Oh.

They would be absolute blowouts. Like, there would be an active conversation from the first time I stepped onto the field. What sort of entity is this? Oh, okay. This is clearly not a man. No, I'm not even hiding my web power. I'm pulling footballs out of the air for field goals. So the other team just like, oh, God, I get three points.

I've thought about this way too much i would ease into it like at first i just hurdle a defender and they're like damn woody's athletic and then i like hurdle a line and they're like we've never seen athleticism then i do a front flip and land on the goal post and they're just like this seems like a lot you would block every field goal and so teams would stop kicking field goals they would always try to go for it on fourth down against the woody defense i'm running 65 miles an hour like just make interceptions right at first i use my 40 inch vertical leap to make it then my 50 then my 70

inch vertical leap like that that's kind of low earth orbit right there i think if you do that then the government eventually comes for you in the night or something well this all ends with me not to be in guantanamo this this would end with me i would i would dominate get four titles from mizzou make sure there is an established dynasty there for for historicity and then i would i would dominate get four titles from mizzou make sure there is an established dynasty there for for historicity and then i would i would immediately probably win the chiefs like four or five super bowls in a row the chiefs that's the missouri team and then and i would help the Blues establish other diamonds. The Chiefs are probably going to win the Super Bowl this year.

Dude, they haven't won in like two years. Let me tell you why they're going to win this year. Let me lay out my entire conspiracy theory. I want to get it out there early before anyone else thinks of this. All right, so you're probably aware if you've been on the internet that Taylor Swift is sucking some football player's cock these days, and we all care so much well what the nfl has been doing is like hey swifties it's go time let's get out there they're like leaning into it so hard because here this huge influx of new viewership is that they were already like i don't know i can't remember

how fast they were growing and they're not hurting they're already doing yeah this huge influx of like little white girls now watching nfl a brand new demographic like they're just like more more that means that team they need that team in the postseason they need that team to go to the super bowl a super bowl between the chiefs and whoever the fuck i don't know I don't know divisions well in pro football like Dallas or I don't know, NFC versus AFC. I think those are both NFC teams. I think that's right. Yeah, they could play

Dallas. That would be the biggest Super Bowl ever. You got Taylor Swift there with her boyfriend and we care because... Can I talk about the boyfriend guy? Yeah. So this is what... my introduction to this was a little uh not traditional for whatever reason youtube starts feeding me this podcast between what i think is a retired football player and his friend that's my interpretation i'm just watching

snippets of it and i'm like this retired football player is fucking hilarious. He had his wife on his podcast, who's super pretty. They have a kid or two. And you got to hear about their first date, what it's like. She's like, he is a loud creature. When he walks around the house, he's the center for the Philadelphia Eagles. I don't even know his name. When he walks around the house, it's just. And he never has to deal with the repercussions of waking up our daughter who's like

10 months or something and it's fun to hear her she's charismatic she's beautiful whatever tell stories of what it's like to live with the center in the nfl i thought maybe he was recently retired nope he's like the best center in the nfl they are trying to change the rules i guess the center is responsible for the quarterback sneak i'm'm not a football genius, but that's what they say. And they're trying to change the rule. His quarterback sneak is so fucking effective that they think it's a cheat code. It works 92% of the time. The next best team at this is under 50, right? It's just, he's outrageously good. They're joking about him being the league MVP because there isn't another play in all of football that works 92% of the time and this isn't a really tiny sample set they're four

games into the season and so he's killing it and then I find out his friend is his brother oh okay cool cool cool so like he's talking to the wife and they're like telling her about what she married into they both got thrown out of kindergarten. Both of them got tossed out of their kindergartens for violence and mischievousness and stuff. They're hilarious, though. They're so funny. And then I found out his brother plays for the Kansas City Chiefs, and he's not just a player.

He's like the best tight end in the league. They're like the best center and the best tight end, and they're brothers, and they're hilarious. And YouTube is just feeding me more and more shorts and i am sucking every one of them down and you're already a swifty yeah oh and then i find out like oh that's good for woody the best tight end in the league just now he's dating taylor swift and he's like i can't believe this i thought i was well known and now i'm famous like it's a whole new ride this is a different thing and i guess

swift told people to register to vote that's it that's what she said republicans fucking hate her they're so angry they're ripping her down and stuff because she said to register to vote i haven't heard anything about her but the chief's shit in a while oh yeah well you know we all live in our own little social media world but but I am blasted with articles after articles. The Fox News hosts ripping Taylor Swift. Then, like Kyle said, the NFL, I guess, is really excited about this new potential fan base. Kansas City, Jersey. Kansas City, already one of the most popular teams in the NFL because they're one of the most dominant teams.

They are my favorite team. Well, they're one of the most popular teams, and in the last few weeks, their jersey sales went up. I just realized what Kyle did. By like 500% or 600%. So it's like the top sales just quintupled. Yeah, I saw that. I was like, I should buy a Chiefs hat, and I went on Amazon, like every bit of chief scares,

like, we're sorry, this is unavailable. Every. So like, I guess Taylor Swift may have some pull in any arena. She's. I saw a really funny meme.

And like Taylor, have you seen, have you seen the part in the Nolan Batman movies where that guy realizes that Bruce Wayne is Batman and he's trying to blackmail him. Yeah. And, and there's a great scene where Morgan Freeman, who of course is like the scientist that Bruce Wayne is Batman and he's trying to blackmail him and there's a great scene where Morgan Freeman who of course is like the scientist backing Bruce Wayne

slash Batman and knows all the cuts he's like let me understand this your boss is the most wealthy man on the planet and you believe he is also a superhero who spends his free time beating people to death with his bare hands and you decided to blackmail this man and the guy's like who spends his free time beating people to death with his bare hands.

And you've decided to blackmail this man. And the guy's like, huh, well, good luck. Yeah, that's a good scene. And I saw that same meme used. Like, let me get this straight. You've chosen someone who, when she tours somewhere, she changes the economy there. Good luck. Good luck.

Yeah, there's no air to be taken out of Taylor Swift's sales. That's a super-duper star who seems to actually not be sick in the head like so many super-duper stars are. I couldn't name a single song. I literally can't. I know the one from that montage. Shake it off. I don't know that song. I couldn't tell you one lyric.

I know it now that you said it, but I wouldn't have complimented it. You were 13 when I first saw you. The play back starts. That's from like 15, 20 years ago. Is that our song? I'm not sure. That's from a long time ago, though i was like when i was in college that's a that's country taylor swift okay like

that's before she transitioned over to pop uh so so like i just don't she's i don't care but i don't know i've never heard a bad thing about her and i i guarantee like i've always said that um what's ed sheeran has just been raw dogging every one of her friends for a decade now and and she's got to be the best that's a good list man ever the best wing man ever if you could make taylor swift your wing man you just never have to worry about vagina for the rest of your days ed sheeran i like a lot have you seen... Solid agree. He had that court case about one of his songs had some... The melody was the same as some other

song from the 70s. In front of the jury, he sits there with his guitar and played over a hundred different songs that used the same chord step or whatever. I don't know music well enough, but he's playing the same chords, but he's just singing infinite songs. He's like, name a song.

And they name a song. First of all, he sings so beautifully that you're like, I want to hear you sing the whole goddamn thing. You sing it better than that person. Wait, I didn't write it. You wrote that song? Yes, I write most songs for people. He writes for everybody.

I think he writes all of Rihanna's hits. Ed Sheeran is the most talented motherfucker there is i saw him on late night and he's like he's talking about the why you practice and like the value of the hours of practice that he put in and uh versus talent he's like i have on my phone here audio when i first started and he plays it and strumming the guitar and you're like all right it sounds a little rough i can tell that's a little rough and then he sings we're all better singers than when ed sheeran started it's it's awful it's excruciating to listen to good for him like it's like a little like a little cross-eyed red-headed

angel just beautiful i heard oh yeah he's got one looking off over here he went to a musical school like i have you guys ever seen fame the movie or the old tv show or maybe okay it's before your time it was a tv it was like a high school but it was for song and dance okay he went to some school like that and uh typically you can't get you can't get out of this school without learning to dance and they made like special rules for ed sheeran he was so good at playing and he was so good at singing. He was so bad at dancing. They're like, we're going to look the other way on this dancing. They could give you a degree.

They should. Just hire a bunch of backup dancers and then be the best singer ever. I'd rather go to that concert anyway. A 10 out of 10 singer and musician with a bunch of backup dancers versus an 8 out of 10 singer-dancer a bunch of backup dancers person eight out of 10 singer dancer musician but if someone didn't i could see where they're coming from the show's a

show but yeah i think i'd rather take the singer for sure yeah well good for the chiefs who have earned taylor swift's patronage because what's his name travis kelsey is it travis i know there's two kelsey's that i think it is one only one of them is on the Chiefs, though. Yeah, the other one's better. I've seen a ton of their podcast. All jokes aside, the guys are really funny. Right? Yeah, of course. Those guys, I was thinking about this the other day because I think I saw them in a Chunky Soup ad or something like that. They often pair up with NFL players, Ch soup that is a huge you're right i was

thinking like eagles especially uh i was thinking how man those brothers are this if you're like hey we want an nfl player to for our brand who do we go to and show me show me all the lay them up on the tape on up on the screen. The prices for each one. There those brothers are. You get both of them for $12 million, let's say. Or you get anyone else for $8. Of course we want the brothers. We hit

two different teams, two different demographics, two different sides of the country. Yeah, give me the brothers for $12. I had a different but similar thought like if an nfl player was worth 5 million for a commercial i don't know just go with the number yeah i would pay 12 for that pair i think the two of them are more than the sum of their parts well your math was eight for one and 12 for the duo sure so but i would just go with them every time

like like i i guess you're i guess whatever it, I would want them. It's just so better. I would pay more for the pair than for two randoms. Right. I might pay five for each and 12 for both. Yeah. Didn't those brothers play each other in the Super Bowl last year? Sounds right. Was last year the one where the Philadelphia lost?

I genuinely don't keep up with it. It was the one Kansas City won, so maybe two years ago. All I know about professional football, really, other than Patrick with Holmes, is really funny, is that the Eagles have a ton of UGA players on their roster. It's like a bunch of them. Every time I see their roster, I'm like, yeah, you too? They got like half a dozen or starters at least from UGA.

I want to say... Yeah, you're right. That was last UGA isn't Andy Reid the Kansas City coach I don't know he was a Philadelphia coach for a long time yes he is the football coach that guy he looks like Wilford Brimley yeah he coached Philly for a while but he didn't find the same success there

of course not he didn't have taylor swift i watched it or travis kelsey who's i've been watching scary movies another player i've been watching scary movies and looking for good scary movies which is always just a shit show and i watched a movie last night with uh justin long in it uh i watched it because i saw that because i remember he was in barbarian if you remember where there was the shit going on up under the house with the incest and the giant monster. And Justin Long was the dude, like the douchey shithead. And he plays that character really well.

And this movie was called. I thought I had it pulled up. It doesn't even matter. It's the worst fucking movie I've ever seen. It's like a 2022 movie. Basically, it picks up and he's taking this girl home from a bar and i guess they're gonna hook up the house is just ridiculous it's an estate and they just have awkward conversation and leading sort of flirty conversation for an hour and a half and then the movie ends it was

i got an hour into it and i was like we've watched 50 minutes of talking and then there was that five minutes where he fell asleep and had a nightmare this is bullshit was there no horror at all at the very end it was garbage it was such garbage dude it was the worst thing i've ever it was the worst hour and a half i've ever spent watching anything it was so awful it was it was vampires it was vampires like the one chick it just keeps getting it's a little creepy because these women keep popping up but he's so awkward about it he's just like oh um i didn't know that you were here i hope you didn't see my uh you know because you walked in and i didn't i wasn't doing what you you think you think oh

there's just this awkward like stuttery conversation where he's so embarrassed that he got interrupted with his sex and but now he's wanting to like fuck the sister instead and he's he's just he's a piece of shit and they end up eating him at the end which you saw from a mile coming and i hated it i hated it i'm sorry that happened to you it was it was the worst part of of the evening it was was terrible. It was terrible. What a waste. It's hard to find good horror. There's another,

I want to see how it ended. There's another one on Hulu that I've also been thinking about watching. It's something to do with alien abduction and home invasion, which are two of my least favorite kinds of horror because they're very scary. But I guess i will watch it

eventually they've got it plastered all over the home page home invasion definitely is spookier than aliens because home invasions are are real those happen like usually not as eccentric as like a person coming in and like dressing up as a clown and making you do dances to save your fingers or like whatever happens in the movie but yeah it's still like real whereas with aliens i'm like i'm never think even if aliens are real my thought is always like they're not interested in me like they would be like the same way like if we were researching raccoons and we were out in the forest and there was like some giant pinnacle raccoon like we'd want to find that one to do research on and figure it out or like something special maybe this one has even more

fingers or even better with its hands like you'd want that you wouldn't want to study the normal ass raccoon and i'm a normal ish raccoon in that world of aliens so like as far as normal people it's almost like it's almost arrogant right are you saying you're normal amongst humans or humans are normal i'm normal i'm too normal amongst humans for them to be like we're gonna go to this guy and go to his house and get him they'd probably go to like i don't know some mountain professional athlete yeah they'd go to the they'd stop in iceland and they'd be like this guy's a fucking monster let's see what's going on with this guy. Or they'd find an Olympian, something like that.

So I'm not afraid of alien abduction whatsoever. But being a normal guy, those are the people who get their homes broken into all the time. Just normal people. So yeah, that's definitely spooky. Especially in St. Louis. Particularly in St. Louis, yeah. If you want to make me scared, I like supernatural does a pretty good job i don't even buy into it but you know you can make me afraid of the dark that's a thing that gets accomplished x files has done it

i used to have a long commute so i had to leave when it was still dark in the morning and i can remember like hustling from my front door to getting the car door shut and locked behind me because it's just like open scary dark grass and so i don't get scared of aliens so much but you can make me scared of the dark by putting your creepy crawlers in there and serial killers those can be scary but like when you read the i guess you call it like the methodology of some of these serial killers like some of them were so over the top crazy it's like yeah when you got lured to that guy's apartment of course you got killed like yeah the guy who had blood on him when he asked if you wanted to share a cantaloupe at midnight on a Saturday night and then have gay sex.

And then you went up there and he didn't have a cantaloupe and he started playing with knives. And you were like, oh, this is weird, but I'm into kinky stuff. It's like, no, you you run. You should have seen that coming. Hundred percent. Like as a straight man, you're hard to murder. You know, like you really need an angry wife or something to poison you or a random murder. That's who gets straight guys like just random kill where but like like like muggings and stuff like yeah, not serial killers.

Serial killers seem to go for like either totally random or they're like, all right, I'm an only lady killer or i only kill all the gay guys i have sex with because i don't like being gay and it shames me or whatever it seems like they often go for the the ones that just want the thrill of killing another one i need to get another one another one they don't really care who or what they often go for people who won't be missed right like i i bet there's some trucker out there who's not even who just owns that rig and has like a kill room in the truck like in the back of it it's just this big death laboratory and people are being held in there big pig mask for sure the pig man and uh he wears it while he drives that's his call sign but it's really easy

but most like prostitutes and stuff like that that happens a lot i saw some photographs of ed kemper the other day dude i knew he was big i think six seven or something or bigger six nine he's like bigger than most nba what does he do i don't know this name a serial killer he cut his mom's head off fucked her fucked the mouth like he hammer murdered a lot of people carrying body carrying heads around and bowling ball you know those bowling ball satchels his mom's dead mouth he cut her head off her dead mouth throat hole yeah oh through the neck yeah through the mouth oh well i can't oh i think those are two different things i don't know i mean you know it was one he already got the head off you know when yeah right right why would you want a

traditional blow jay if you have this once in a lifetime i can imagine being like ew the neck hole never that's a guy that plays by his own rules yeah but anyway zach you can find a photograph of him standing next to other normal sized people it's it gives you perspective It's the same way sometimes you see Shaq. No, this is an American guy. I think he's California even. Very gigantic human being. Just like Shaq sized. So fucking scary.

And he killed women. Have you seen Shaq with Yao Ming? Yeah. Yao Ming makes Shaq look like Shaq makes me. Not quite that big, but he... Yao Ming, I think, could put his chin on top of Shaq's head. Yao Ming is huge.

Close. And he's not, like, string-bing huge like a lot of those guys. Like, he's a big, wide guy. Like, he's just... Yeah. He's the size of a guy I'm surprised his, like, knees are still working. I bet that created him. Well, they did through, did through pairing up Olympians.

His parents were paired up by the Chinese government. Yeah. Is that true? I mean, it just makes sense. He doesn't look... That makes a lot of sense because there aren't more Yao Ming's coming up every day, but they made that one for sure. I bet there's more in the pipeline. made that one for sure i bet there's more in the in the pipeline i uh so i know it's bullshit but i i get all those like uh youtube shorts the conspiracy theory stuff sent to me and look at

this like can you imagine if you're that woman who she's probably about the size of the ladies he was killing and that man grabs you you're not getting away it's like if you're that guy you don't have much chance you have no chance yeah he he's a good example. He's not a string bean. He's not a fitness model. That's a big man on the left, I think. I see a big dude there on the left. He's a wide guy. Look at his neck. He's not a tall guy, but that's

not a weak man. He looks stocky. When a guy who's 6'9", 6'10", wants to fuck with you, they just can. What are you going gonna do like not get hit from someone who has a foot of reach like right i guess what do you do with your hands when you're being strangled by ed kemper you just you can't reach his body you're just patty kicking at his belly like you're i don't know if you can reach his belly if he doesn't want you to. If he holds you at arm's length. You're at his mercy.

Mr. Cooper, Mr. Cooper, I'm not even a man. You think you can get away from him? I bet I'm faster. He doesn't look quick. Yeah, I bet you could probably... I'm not either, but he looks particularly slow. But what was his method? Was he...

He'd get in the car with you and like give you a ride home and take you off to like a secluded area if you're in the car with him it's already over it's already over you're done there's no way i think he had a hammer as well i think i remember him clobbering women with a hammer we're just like dude you could have like yeah or just punched them with your giant ham hand knocked him out fucking scary yeah um serial killers are on the on the downtrend like how do we know because they usually like like we have kind of a running total of like catching them and knowing i think they decided i think they decided now than ever definitely right someone decided at some point that publicizing these serial killers, giving them names like Batman villains, was just making more of them.

And we only do that with school shooters because that's what they want to happen. They want more of those. So they make sure we know who they are, when they write a book. That's true. And we always know their name and their body count, and we get video of it. But I think that the FBI was like, ah, serial killer is a bad look, though. That makes it look like we're out of control in a bad way. So let's just stop talking about it.

But there's definitely, I guarantee it. There's always that bullshit stat that comes out of who knows where, where they're like, it's estimated that there are over 5,000 serial killers active in the United States at any one moment. It's like, alright, come on. I say 10,000. Who estimated that? The guy who runs the A&E show

that relies on needing more serial killers? Yeah. So I think that's the guy that gets you if you're just a white dude who's in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't know. I'd be scared to be... I'm never scared as a white man just walking down the street or something or interacting with crowds of people.

But I don't know, if you were some lonely rest stop where, like, you're like, oh, look, a car. Huh. It's been, like, 30 minutes since I've seen a car. It's pulling over. Huh. He's getting out. What's that in his hand?

Do you just start running into the desert right away? I would like to think that I would have the wherewithal to know that I'm not going to talk someone out of killing me. Maybe he's just got a map and he's like, hey, do you know where Phoenix is on this thing? But you're just... Meanwhile, I'm like 70 yards away huffing and puffing. And I'm like, just kill me.

You made it 70 yards and you're like, I can't. I trip, skin my knee. Yeah, I would run. I'd like to think I'd have the situational awareness to start running early. But I bet everybody has. I don't want to be all badass, but did you say knife? I don't know what he's got in his hand. We can't know what he's got in his hand we can't tell what he's got in his hand he's got both hands crammed in the pockets and a little blood on his i have

a gun in this situation you have in your pocket oh if we have guns in this situation that changes it yeah i don't know we i imagine you pulled the truck over at the rest stop you've been in there relieving yourself or whatever and you've come out and he's kind of like already pulled over and he's, he's sort of between you and where you're, you got to walk past him and his vehicle to get to your car. And it's like, what do we do now? That's I imagined it as like,

I'm in my car. He's in the, uh, shoulder of the road headed towards me. And I'm like, eh, this would be a good time to put this in my pocket. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the gun is the ultimate glad you're not a woman so that it's always every day oh my god to be a woman and go somewhere it's just gotta be so fucking scary all the time maybe if you're like incredibly neurotic but i think most people are pretty normal going around incredibly neurotic i'm glad i'm not a woman every time I put the dishes on the top shelf.

Come on. All the time. That's how he leaves his dishes clean. He just clangs another dirty one loudly on top of the sink. Jackie! Clean! I can reach higher.

Did that not come through? It's so scary to go to a parking garage at night. I've walked home from bars and parties and stuff drunk. Drunk. Through the streets. Dark streets of cities I don't know.

Literally stumbling through the street knowing, it's that way. It's the white hotel with the gold windows. I'm stumbling that way drunk in a city i don't know no fear no fear at all what are they gonna do take my shoes take them you're my debit card it's yours this is like a jimmy neutron brain brain blast if there was ever a time i was gonna get serial killed or murdered it was at mizzou. I think I was like 18 or 19 years old and I was wasted like late at night, probably after a game or something. And I had like just wandered in a direction that I thought I was going towards a friend's a road that was clearly no longer on campus.

And there's this van driving by. And it was the first car I think I'd seen in probably five, 10 minutes, which is a long time to not see a car. And I just like on the side of the road was like flagged them down. And it was like a car full of college kids, couple guys, couple girls. And I was like, hey, and like most couple guys couple girls and i was like hey and like most of them in the back were drunk too and i was like i don't know where i am but i need to go here can you take me here and they were like of course we're looking for a place to to drink to to get drunk do you know anywhere and i'm like, we can all just go to my apartment.

And so like me and like six, seven people that I don't know, I'm like now in their car, like joking around with them. Like it's a right here. Oh, thanks for picking me up guys. I don't know where I was. And then we start noticing they're all like, I must've been like 19. And like, we pulled in, got to my apartment. I like opened it up. And then like the seven of us, like probably I don't remember what alcohol or anything. I probably nothing at the house. I was 19. And we just hung out there for a while.

The next morning I found they had stolen a couple of things. I had these I had this like fun little switchblade knife that I thought was neat. And because I guess it was another legal in Missouri thing and that was gone so one of them stole my knife but other than that it went fine but that was such a dumb thing to do to just flag down a random van and

show them where I live I don't think it is for like an 18 year old man like I said what are they going to do to you like as long as it's white people i think we all understand that like they were white and half of them were women and so that like the girls in there makes me feel like okay they're these guys i yeah i would have done the same thing i i can remember going fishing as kids where like we we went to my friends we all got

dropped off my buddy's house we've got our rods and reels, and we're tying everything up. Then we walk a long way to where we're going to fish, down a road, on the side of the road, to a bridge, down the path next to the bridge, down to the Sandy Creek, and we fish. We let time get away from us. It's going to get dark in 30 minutes, and we're an hour's walk away from home. We hitchhiked home. There's just no fear in that at all because like the dude that pulls you over is just some good old boy with a pickup truck like hey what y'all doing hey can you run us back to Livonia sure

hop in the back there's no chance that it goes any other way than what I just described every single time I don't know I was gonna say I've never hitchhiked but I guess I have that that one time yeah just for a few miles I think what I described was my one time as well but I was like between 7 and 10 years old you just ran away

that's the danger zone a 7 year old is not if I don't know where my 7 year old is I gotta call somebody it was a different time it's a different time no i would i can remember anyone we would go sledding and uh the place where sledding was probably a good like five miles from my house and i'm a young person and it's hilly so it's not an easy walk in the snow dragging your sled to where you're going and where you're coming from and i would just sled until i had nothing left i am exhausted i am cold my fingers hurt i'm wet and now i have five mile walk home and i'm like eight years old and uh i put the thumb out people would give me a

ride home and it always came with a lecture on how I was lucky that they were the ones taking me home. Instead of some bad person. 1981 by the way, the same year John Walsh's son was taken. Okay, sounds about right-ish. If not him, I would have been winning. Lucky it wasn't you. Yeah. That was a great TV

show. You watched that growing up, America's Most Wanted? No. I loved America's Most Wanted. We watched it every show i'm no i said growing up america's most wanted no i loved america's most wanted we watched it every night john walsh would come on with that fucking that uh he had like a trench coat it was great no i'm thinking of unsolved mysteries that's a different fucking show i guess i'm conflating the two i watched that too yeah i think they were back and back i yeah i think i fell for misinformation i think a lot of stuff on that's incredible which is bullshit

what was the show was it unsolved mystery or something like that the guy who would say like it's made up you fell for it it's not oh no no no that's so first of all that guy is commander Riker from Star Trek

the next generation whose name you remember the show it's not yeah of course I remember is Commander Riker from Star Trek The Next Generation. You remember the show. Yeah, of course I remember the show. Is his name Will something? Will Spinner. No. Jonathan Frakes.

That's it. Yes, that is right. Yes. What? In any case, yeah, it's like he would give you like three or four stories, and they would act them out in little dramatizations, and then you'd have to figure out which ones were complete fabrications and which ones were, yep, that actually happened. It's true.

On May 14, 1997, this guy was carried away by balloons and never seen again. That one was true. But then the other three or four are always fact. People use that cut in a meme format to like deny the holocaust and stuff because whenever he would let you know that actually we fooled you on that one that one was a lie that's right a trick and like like cut after cut of him notifying the audience that these things that you know there's dozens of cuts of him saying it in various ways. Yeah. Completely made that one up. A fabrication.

A fabrication. False. Hoax. Fake. They just, they start speeding them up and then showing, showing visual air quotes proof that the Holocaust didn't happen.

And it's just like when you, after 40 seconds of that, you start sigging Heil or something. You start believing, it can brainwash you if you watch too many of those. I haven't seen that. I'm watching the show that Kyle suggested. Is it calledome or romans yeah rome yeah rome on hb dude the way they salute

is so close to the hitler thing yeah kyle did it's basically the hitler salute except they pit their chest and then extend we keep it low though we don't extend the the shoulder out we see that's the elbow stays near the body. Oh, I didn't catch that. The Romans don't have to stop doing the Roman salute because the Germans ganked that from the Romans. I know. But watching it now, it's so reminiscent of the Nazi salute that I have a hard time not seeing that.

Also, to me the costumes are nazi-ish maybe it's just the red and that's it but uh i see him dressed in red with the red capes in particular uh and doing that salute i think that the roman outfits look sick like they they had such great outfit well the nazis had good outfits too actually you know in uh in in militaries they prefer not to be called outfits they prefer uniforms army men they signed their lives away for fucking costume yeah for suits and all that but i mean like the romans imagine how much better the romans looked than the fucking gauls when they went marching in wasn't even close imagine i just watched it last night yeah you just watched the balls were, oh my god, every one of these

guys has nice clothes and they all know what they're doing. Kyle's right about that plot moving. So in the first two episodes, it starts with Caesar being out in the field fighting the Gauls. I guess he'd been doing that for eight years. Cool. And then there's

a little like, you a pompeii is leading rome so caesar and pompeii they're kind of friends but kind of not enemies frenemy sure and if it was game of thrones they would have spent two years developing that like friendship to a little bit of distrust to a little more than that and then he would have had to travel from one place to another which could take another year in this show an episode and a half and war started you know

yeah they get right into it which I like I like it I think maybe there's somewhere in the meat in the middle maybe a little close oh it's way too fast it's way too fast and it accelerates too fast because they were on the fly. And it accelerates later on because they got canceled. But I like that they did get the story told.

They didn't continue it on with Caesar Octavian, which is very cool in its own right. There's seasons and seasons more material, and what's there could have been expanded. The stuff between Caesar and Pompey and all those guys, that's all historical facts. So it's neat to see them lay it out that way with the titties and silliness sort of interwoven to keep you entertained throughout the whole thing.

Need more titties. I remember there being a lot in that show. I remember a lot of first two episodes delivered the next two. I'm like, like it's passing at best. I mean, but with that show, like I'm fine with them going fewer

titties because they're like we have to tell the entire story of julius caesar in two hours now like they're the final third chapter your lack of appreciation of sex scenes my disappointment in you has come to a middle i like i just i'm fine with it if it's a show i'm not that invested in but if it's a show I'm not that invested in. There were even lots of Game of Thrones episodes where a sex scene would start, and I'd hit the pause thing, and I'd be like, we're 47 and a half minutes into this,

and we only have 51. This is the last scene. We're not going to get any more Jon Snow this week, you bastards. Nope, they're going to bang on the boat, and then I call it quits yeah and especially the sea snakes or the sand snakes the sand serpents I don't even

I don't even recall widely regarded as the highlight of the show by no one the guy who plays the guy who plays Pullo the big guy the big soldier yes yes yes I like he's in Ahsoka the Star Wars show. He's the

big scary Sith guy with a beard and everything. I didn't see that show. Intimidating. I've only watched one episode of it, but immediately I'm like, oh. Right away, that guy shows up and just slaughters a bunch of people. He shows up and they're like,

they claim to be Jedi. They get on board the ship. The guy's like, we don't think you're fucking Jedi, bro we don't believe in jedi arrest them and he's like you're right we're not jedi and he just slaughters them all and he's just using his force just crushing people with the force powers it's pretty good i haven't seen much more of it uh like just watch the first episode but i like the ahsoka character from the the clone wars stuff um on our plex if you scroll down to a certain part i don't know if it's something that someone one of the users did or if it's i don't know how it works but somehow or another they have the entire star wars saga organized in chronological order and it is seven days of content continuous days of kind it begins with like an old version episode

of clone wars or something and it ends with like i don't know whatever the newest movie is or something like that it's an absurd stack of content and they even reorganized all the clone wars episodes in chronological order so they're not in the the sequence they uh they aired it's ridiculous hmm yeah i saw yeah they did all the dc stuff all the marvel stuff those big cinematic universes i understand i can't imagine starting like the marvel universe now like it's seven days of content as well it's seven days of content but is it is most of it bad like stupid most of it's good honestly i would say you hated the new star wars stuff for the most part i'm talking about marvel specifically um but if you if you just took an aggregate of all marvel um it's mostly good

there's some stuff in there i hate but the average marvel movie i thought was a really good movie that gave you what you expected are they done with those like i particularly agree with that i think the beetle just came out he's the mexican superhero you made that up just now i'm you want to bet money bet me no you seem confident what is it called blue beetle beetle he's a mexican superhero who who gets his powers from like a crashed i don't know know, beetle suit or some shit. Holy shit, you're right. Not even just a movie.

Two hours and seven minutes of horse shit, I imagine. Ugh. James Ray suddenly finds himself in possession of an ancient relic of alien biotechnology called the Scarab. When the Scarab chooses James to be its symbiotic host, he's bestowed with an incredible suit of armor that's capable of extraordinary and unpredictable powers, forever changing his destiny as he becomes a superhero, Blue Beetle. Why wouldn't he be called the Scarab? That's a way better name. The top YouTube question people also ask, is Blue Beetle a hit or a flop? In total, Blue Beetle has earned over $106 million million globally ranking it dead last in the comic book

franchise the newest too yeah and i mean blue beetle i bet most marvel people who are into it had to look him up to to like get the the marvel wiki or whatever on who that is i bet if you're an old if you're a if you're a 40 uh something yearyear-old comic book guy, then you would know Blue Beetle. Oh. But you'd have to be that. Blue Beetle's DC, am I right? No. Marvel.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm kind of done with the superhero stuff, at least the Marvel stuff. It's DC, though. Is it? Are you sure? I'm just looking at it in front of me. I could have sworn it was on Disney.

Okay. Where did I see it then? I mean, I haven't watched it, but I see it on the scram and skip over it every time I do. I thought it was on Disney. I'm going to watch the very start. It's on Flux. Yeah, okay. I opened the trailer in the opening seconds.

The DC rotates. I'm glad you're no longer supporting those films, Kyle, because it won't stop until you people stop watching this stuff. I don't, I don't know if they're going to stop watching it. They just make so much money every single time. It's like superhero stuff. Still. I used to be more into it than now,

but I'm ready for some new universes. Don't try to Marvel me anymore. There must be some weird universe out there that i'm gonna show and all the all the big guys like quit didn't they like robert downey jr he's not in marvel the story's ended they they their characters died but i mean like even so like there are big draws like and they're not around anymore. If I, if I was into Marvel and then suddenly whoever plays captain America and Robert Downey jr. And whoever plays Hulk,

like if all those guys are gone, you kind of, it's like if like they kept the Lord of the Rings going and they like faded out Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Frodo, Gandalf,

like it's like, this isn't, what are we even, what am I watching now? Like what's, what's going on? This isn't even the same group. I have a Lord of the Rings question.

Cause I watched it recently. Do you think Aragorn was poorly cast? Cause I read that criticism a lot. Really? I think Digo Mortensen did an excellent job with Aragorn. Yeah. He, like he had, he'd been in movies before that, but that's what put him on the map, I think.

And like, same with uh legolas whatever his orlando bloom like it wouldn't gandalf only worked with ian mckellen because he's like an insanely good actor and they dressed him all up and everything but i think it was important for that movie that they had a bunch of actors who weren't who someone wasn't going to see and be like oh they got bruce john connery was supposed to be gandalf yeah and that would have been oh thank god he turned down lord of the rings and ian mckellen got it thank god because he would have not done the same job ian mckellen did of course not it would have been so he said he didn't understand the material and that's why he passed on it they

offered him gross i'm wrong um what's his name the guy who played um saruman like he was the ultimate cast member because he knew jrr tolkien and like he was a huge fan of the literary work and the whole universe and everything and he's like an uber fan and so that was cool that i think his name is christopher lee was christopher lee yeah don't you love I don't know if I love Aragon. I liked every other. I'm like Gimli nailed it. I don't like what Peter Jackson did with Gimli, but I like what whatever big,

strong Jonathan Rhys-Davies. Okay. John Rhys-Davies. Yeah. Orlando Bloom, maybe super duper killed it. I can't imagine someone doing better. See, imagine knowing this,

but about every movie, it's so fun when you can mix and match. Because what it is, there are these connections where all of them flow together and you're like oh yeah they were in this together in that too i'll give you a little example it's silly but gremlins uh you know the main guy in gremlins the the the i have seen gremlins okay uh but you seen gremlins too no just the first one all right well in gremlins 2 uh they just it's it's ridiculous and there's a skyscraper in new york and robert picardo was there he's a different actor it doesn't matter if you know him but so is the main guy from gremlins later on they're in a star trek episode together so i'm watching it and i'm like holy shit that's the guy from gremlins i

wonder if they talked when they when they met on the episode like I like seeing all the incestuous nature of Hollywood. Sometimes you can see that, like, ah, someone's fucked. She's fucking somebody because she's into all... Oh, they're married. Oh, well, I was right. Yeah. Like, any time you watch...

It's like Wes... It's not Wes Anderson. It's the Mila... All those Resident Evil movies with... I think her name's Mila Jovovich. Those are all made by her. No, it's not her. It's Kate Beckinsale's husband that made all of the...

What's the movies with the sexy vampire lady who fights werewolves? The Lycans? Underworld. Kate Beckinsale. They made like eight of them. And her husband makes those movies. So you think of her as like, yeah, she's a movie star. She's always in something. She's always of them and her husband makes those movies so you think of her as like yeah she's a movie star she's always in something she's always in those movies her husband makes of her beating up vampires and and dracula's i'm thinking about this like you mentioned bad casting and lord of the rings the only person i consider badly cast that are not even badly

cast just i don't think that she was great was was Liv Tyler. I don't think she did an excellent job as Arwen. Like even in the scenes where like Aragorn and Arwen are, you know, having their heart to hearts and everything, Aragorn's really killing the scene and Liv Tyler really isn't bringing a ton to the table. I would expand it. I would say that outside of Orlando Bloom, none of the elves were great in in their jobs like they're supposed i thought they were supposed to be more beautiful people and really they weren't uh i like like

like uh who was i don't know what the guy from the matrix and elrond in lord of the rings i don't know what his name is but that guy i thought did a good job as elrond he was i thought they had really easy acting tasks like it doesn't take a lot of range to be stoic and use very few words and so they could have cast more beautiful people to do those well they wanted to cast new zealanders um so they they casted those instead uh the cast is full of new zealanders uh including him his name is fucking escaping around the guy plays john smith i like him a lot uh he's also in um v for vendetta he's the voice of v right i don't know if it's him in the costume but i just assume it is because that makes me feel better

i thought aragon he did a good job okay i take away i don't know the actor's names but the king of rohan right he did an amazing job i thought he really killed it and at the end when he died spoilers um i started reflecting on his character arc and i was like man remember when we met him and he was old and withered and then regained it and then became you know it really played an instrumental part in saving middle earth and humans taking the lead and what an art oh my god killed it and then aragon i'm like you know just ugly guy who needs braces did a fine job delivering his lines but doesn't remind me of the king of rohan and his oh i never thought of him as ugly i i liked his his plot point of not wanting to accept that he was more than he wanted to be like he wanted to just be a strider he wanted to be a

a ranger you know that's what he was that strider you know in there in the uh the prancing pony early on and then by the end like he fully accepts who he is and what he must do and becomes the rightful king of gondor you know and that's there's a little ceremony at the end like with the hobbits i love that elf who looks him and he says oh you have so much to do in front of you and it sounds like they're talking about taking the ring to mordor but no no no she I think sees the future and she sees that he needs to defeat Saruman and he needs to defeat Sauron and he needs to lead the become the king of Gondor and this guy he's like 80 years old and he has a hundred years of work in front of him yeah and it's just starting his journey yeah so here's who they wanted to play

Aragorn this is Stuart Townsend there's some who they wanted to play Aragorn. This is Stuart Townsend. There's some test footage of him as Aragorn. They ultimately decided he was too young. Yeah, I need a manlier man. I don't know who to cast exactly, but I... I thought Viggo Mortensen was too ugly. Now it's not manly enough. Yeah, yeah.

I think I need to be Aragorn. No, no. You know who I'm thinking of? It's probably a terrible, terrible casting choice. But Mac from Always Sunny, but like beefy Mac. He's the central. That's Aragorn? No, not fat.

Yeah, ripped Mac. Yeah, ripped Mac. Fitness model Mac is my version of Aragorn. That's who I want. I couldn't have taken him seriously as Aragorn. I'm terrible at casting. Don't get me to GM your sports team. I'm playing both

sides. Saruman and the Free People. That way I always come out on top. It was me. It was me the whole time, Gandalf. I'm playing both sides. I don't think you understand how this works, Erekor.

You've turned to the darkness. You cannot turn away. No, no, no. You don't understand. That wind, no matter what. It wouldn't work, Woody. I need somebody serious. Although the distraction of that Scottish accent on Connery would have absolutely

ruined the whole thing. That would have been so bad. A wizard does never late. He arrives precisely when he means to. Nor early. He arrives precisely when he means to. And then he would hit Arwen. Shut up.

You're distracting the most important character of the movie. Just get your ass to Valinor. He'd want gadgets. He'd be like, so I'm like a secret agent? No, again, you're nothing like a secret agent. This is not

James Bond. That weasley little fuck has been following us for three days through the mines of Moria. I like this version of Gandalf. Pippin, you fucking loser. Stop knocking things down the well in Moria. You're causing problems.

You shall not pass. I fought him from the highest peak to the lowest depths and I slayed the Balrogs. That would be terrible. Thank God he didn't understand Lord of the Rings. Thank the Lord of the Rings.

Time to wrap. PKA 476. Good show, boys.