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All right. Oh, PKN 479. What's up, boys? How's it going? How's it going?
Pretty good. Excited for Halloween. Still haven't gotten my candy for the children yet.
Have you? Have you gotten your sodas and your fridge out on the porch?
You weren't just talking big about all that, were you?
I decided to go with jammers. Those Kool-Aid jammers. The little, you know, pop the straw on the top things.
I know. jammers those um those kool-aid jammers the little you know pop the straw on the top things i know that seemed yeah you know that that's for the audience to say that's that seemed uh better than just cans of of coke that like i don't know i wouldn't trust some children with a can of coke
in the back seat of my truck on a halloween night when they're trying to get a tootsie roll and wrap
so i thought this is a friendlier beverage to give kids. So I got a bunch of those.
They were really cheap.
And I get, you know, the big mixed candy bag.
And then I bought like a bunch of Ferrero Rocher things, those those little hazelnut balls that everybody thinks are fancier than they are.
Yeah, that's like a Berenstain Berenstain Bears thing. thing every unless it's a meme that i'm not catching on on because i remember specifically asking if we could get those at walgreens with my mom when i was a kid because i had had one
at like a grandparent's house those ferrero rochers and her like acting like oh no like
as though it was prohibitive a faberge egg that you want to jostle around like someday i'm gonna
be the guy who can buy
21 candy boxes from cvs impulsively and now that i'm an adult i haven't been that guy
you know oh my god they're 50 cents each can you imagine yeah i really know that bet my father
didn't want to give out halloween candy he's diabetic don't judge him too bad he rides his
bike 28 miles a day it just's just... You threaten 80 years old
and shit happens. So he's like,
look, I don't want to give away Halloween candy
because I'm diabetic.
And now we've got candy laying around the house
tempting me. So my mother came up
with a compromise because she would like to give it
away. Sometime,
I don't know,
the clock will strike like 8.15
and she'll get tired of giving out candy and
say okay lucky trick-or-treater here are 37 snickers bars you get the rest and they're done
they'll turn the lights off and that's how they're doing it that's a good way to do it that's just
one lottery winner like yeah what i'm going to do is just leave the bucket unattended completely
full at some point and i i mean i've seen the kids in my neighborhood i know what's going to do is just leave the bucket unattended completely full at some point and i i mean i've
seen the kids in my neighborhood i know what's gonna happen they're gonna they're gonna steal
the candy these are not oh let me leave some for the others kind of kids trust me
they all got little electric scooters and fucking like it's to my eyes it's like marty mcfly shit
like one of them's got some sort of electric fucking inline skates
that he's dancing while he slides by
and his friend's filming him on TikTok sliding the other direction.
And I'm just like, what year is it?
I live in one of those neighborhoods where I look out and there's the parents of every kid
like on my sidewalk watching them like get candy for me like i can't remember any years more than
like a couple groups of unattended kids like i open my open my door and then i give like the
adult to adult wave to them you know down the little hill of my front yard onto the sidewalk.
But I'm going to dress in the costume
that'll scare. It won't scare any kids,
but it'll scare the adults the most.
It's going to be a loose fitting robe.
And I'm going to be blue chewed up.
Oh no.
Oh no.
The ultimate crime.
High stakes. Hi, I'm Uncle Randy. Uncle Randy. the ultimate crime high stakes uh hi i'm uncle randy
hey while you're all here i was supposed to tell you when i moved in
anyway
walk in hard.
I'd rather have a fucking Nazi next door with a flag in his yard than Uncle Randy.
Oh, my God.
I would take any political weirdo over a pedophile.
Not any.
At worst, it'd be like, hey, shut up with your fucking Mao Stalin shit.
I see you whispering to my kid or like, hey, did you just teach him to sig Heil?
That's something between a father and a son. We don't have any kids yet.
So it's, you know, that I know of
that, you know, so
not really worried about the pedophile.
What's he going to do to me?
Nothing. He couldn't be less interested in you.
If anything, the parents would be like,
you see that house, Billy? You stay the fuck away from that one.
By coincidence, he'll stay away from mine i'm right here you know i'm i'm shielded by the
pedophile it's like those leaf frogs that'll will that will like get underneath a tarantula get a
little tarantula underneath them to guard their little clutch of eggs that's what that's what
the pedophile's doing for me he's just come on little buddy get in here them kids will leave
you alone with me i see that you're hiding under his his broad everybody always looks at the negative everyone
looks the focuses on the negatives of pedophilia and no one wants to want to talk about the the
many many pause i'm pretty sure that's how the greeks invented math one boy two boy you know
three boy four euclid's fifth postulation yeah yes of. Euclid's fifth postulation. Yeah.
Yes, of course.
Euclid's fifth postulation.
Euclid's fifth ejaculation as he's meeting children, inventing shapes.
Like this guy's...
Was he the geometry guy?
Euclid was the geometry guy.
Something to do with shapes with Euclid.
The Euclidian triangle.
Well, he came up with Euclid's five postulations.
Oh, is that real?
Yeah, that's a real thing.
I don't know them in order or anything.
Don't frame it like you know them out of order.
The first postulation is that it defines what a point is.
It's like Webster's Dictionary for geometry.
It's laying out what everything else will be based on.
A number must exist.
It can be neither positive nor negative.
I don't think it says anything about numbers.
It's about points and lines.
And the fifth postulation is something about
if the interior angle of two parallel lines
is this, then that.
And so for 2,000 years, scientists were trying to prove
or disprove the fifth postulation, uh, and all these various smart mathematical ways that go a
bit over my head, maybe more than a bit. And, uh, it's, it's really fascinating. I need a whole
YouTube video to tell me why it's fascinating, but if you look into it on YouTube, you'll enjoy
it too. It's almost as much fun as that, um simulation theory stuff okay well some of these postulations are like stupid easy
like i could have come up with this well again they're they're they're like uh the webster's
dictionary is defining what things are and how things will be for geometry it's lost to work
is stupid easy right like? Like, if two lines
are drawn which intersect a third
in such a way that the sum of the angles
are less than two right angles, then the two
lines inevitably must intersect
each other on that side
if extended far enough.
It's known as the parallel posture. It sounded
like two lines
on the same plane,
if they're not parallel,
will eventually intersect.
Mind not blown.
No, but back then, big.
This just leads into
my I'd be the smartest person in year one.
I think the fifth postulation
applies to non-Euclidean geometry,
that stuff where
reality's being warped.
I don't think it's as simple as you think it is.
Maybe you're reading it wrong, because I don't understand it either.
Are you suggesting I don't understand?
There's a whole video about it.
How dare you?
I watched an hour about the geniuses of the 18th century
trying to figure this out,
and through trying to prove or disprove the fifth
postulation discovering whole branches of mathematics along the way i'm missing something
because they're like uh a straight line can be drawn from any two points yes again mind not
blown i think euclid's a bit of a punk do you know how many slaves died testing that theory he just picked he just picked two points and made them
draw lines master why do they why must they be so far from apart why is one at the top of a mountain
a straight line may be extended to any finite length that was only because like yeah and couldn't it be extended
to any infinite length just with imagination right yeah yes yeah you can like if the universe
is infinite do they still say that or is that something like i don't even know what's longer
a line or array using using i think using his geometry and the um the uh those those um
postulations they were able to determine the universe is flat based on uh the way the triangles
intersect or something it was you really should watch the video it's very it's very fun i don't
know they skipped it here's the thing having not not seen the video, I feel very smart.
And I feel like your video would relieve me of that impression.
Yeah.
Who wants that?
It's got a British guy narrating.
How am I supposed to feel smug about flat earthers if I buy in that the universe is flat?
Well, you'll just go over to Boogie's Twitter and then you'll feel smug again.
I'm going to read from it now.
October 31st.
I'm scared shitless. It's interesting that he did this around
Halloween.
I had Mike Clum film
me at my worst and my best.
I admit to my biggest mistakes.
I hold myself fully accountable and if you
make it to the end, I hope you can
see the hopeful message in it. Link
below in response for the premiere.
And then it's got like
basically he's made himself a documentary about himself he's made an audio autobiography
and um it's called the dark sad life of boogie again he named it i'm sure and there he is in
this thumbnail looking real down and out.
And there's a countdown.
Isn't that dark and sad?
Isn't that like the Netflix text of some horror show?
Yeah, it looks like they're trying to look like they're on Netflix,
like they're a thumbnail next to Tiger King or some shit.
What could he possibly confess to at this point well i don't think we want to play
that game we were just talking about pedophiles but uh yeah what new information could boogie
possibly like i feel like he's just gonna rehash the stuff that we've watched for a long time
my guess would be that he's going to sort of open his heart up. And share the darkness within.
His inner thoughts.
And issues.
And all that stuff.
Maybe talk about being abused as a child.
If the opening scene is dramatic.
Black and white.
I hope he's wearing eyeliner.
During the video. I hope that he's occasionally played by
an actor like you know unsolved mysteries and that actor is like you know a good 230 pounds
lighter than him yeah yeah is that supposed to be boogie that guy's ripped dude i would do that
way way taller than me to reenact me yeah i don't know what the fuck boogie is up to nowadays
what is his what are you doing on youtube boogie well he had that he had that big one boxing
windfall well the big boxing loss getting smoked by wings paid either way he knew he was gonna get
beaten up he knew what was gonna happen he may not have known it was gonna be quite that bad but
it was the writing was so on the wall on that one it's not like when two professional athletes go
at each other and look hey that guy's job is also knocking people out it's not like that you know
it's it was never going to go any other way sometimes two kids go out of the playground and
you can run it back a hundred times billy's gonna whoop your ass yeah yeah boogie's gonna lose that every time if i'm boogie though i
sometimes you think you have a chance you know what if this goes right if i land the first shot
like it say you're better than me in mortal combat but somehow i get your health meter
halfway down you know just caught you unaware yeah i'll give boogie the credit that
he did he knew based on how his first punches were thrown like there's no he was barely able
to raise his arms for a sustained amount of time he wasn't able to raise his arms for the whole
fight he was walking like this his gloves had lead in them and they were constantly yanking
towards the ground like he knew i have no shot. This is his goodbye.
He's not going to off himself and he's not going to quit
online. So goodbye.
What does that even mean?
I think it's just a way to get attention.
But it's an online shit. Everything's to get
attention. No revenue. It's entirely
free. I'm soliciting no donations.
It's not about the money. It's my swan
song.
Kyle added that.
No, I didn't read my swan song. Kyle added that. No, no.
I didn't read the swan song part.
Oh, actually, Zach highlighted it in blue.
Final act or public statement.
I don't buy it.
I don't think this is going to be his final thing.
I feel like this is a well-worn YouTube tactic.
The I'm leaving, the teary apology.
These are tropes at this point.
Dude, every YouTuber is Michael Jordan
when it comes to retiring.
There's five false starts
and take backs and uh-uhs.
Just constantly going back on it.
This will be no different.
What's he going to do?
What other job can he do?
I look forward to fast-forwarding through it.
And looking for any interesting points of it.
I'll have to come back.
If there's anything interesting, I'll let you guys know.
I'll watch it for real.
That tweet about it where he's claiming he's not making any money.
People don't do things for for free
yeah sorry like why do you write a musical yeah basically why'd you write a musical charlie
why'd you write the musical bull fucking shit there's always a motive for everything you don't
just do things yeah being no not you don't make a documentary. You might make a sandwich because you're bored.
You're not going to make a whole documentary. You don't make a fucking documentary.
You know what I mean?
Especially not one that seemingly is going to reflect very badly on you.
If I had a documentary filmed about myself that I was in complete control of,
and my sincere response, not the drum up response, was like,
I'm scared shitless.
I shouldn't have made up all those horrible things about myself for attention.
Like you'd shut that down.
Of course you would.
You don't want people thinking that you're actually a drug smuggler, you know, cartel affiliated guy just because it would get clicks for a day.
No.
And that's what he's going to do.
He's going to pump up some stories about how he got to fight it in a fight at Circle K.
And some guy got scared
and that's that's going to be about it he like wanting to apologize and admitted that was untrue
and unbelievable on our show later on right i think that yeah he did yeah yeah so we got to
forgive him there forgiveness yeah i kind of needed that too because it irritated me that he
came on and just like lied to me the unbelievable lies i think i was
not okay with myself for nodding and being like what happened next and then what
yeah i uh good
you got him and then everyone clapped and. And the guy in the retail workhorse said,
and son, you can have all the Charleston shoes you can carry.
And so I did.
Two Charleston shoes.
That's how I got a lifetime supply of gasoline.
Gasoline, yes.
I think we've only called people out a couple times.
Normally, you're just trying to be polite.
And you certainly don't want to call somebody out
and then they show you like a fucking bullet wound scar
or like where a shark took off.
He's like, actually, and he takes his arm off or something.
Like, you don't look like a...
It was much of a shark attack and he wheels back
and he's just the top of a person or something.
There'd be no way to come back from that.
You'd have to be like, well, it seems like I'm right.
You aren't much of a seaman.
You got dominated out there.
No wonder your boat sank, mister.
A series sweep, like a bunch of no hitters from the shark to you.
But the one guy who was talking about is somebody stabbing him.
His dad's stabbing him
in the stomach with a knife like that's just a serious thing if someone stabs you in the stomach
with a knife you know there's lots of valuable shit in there that you can't stab with a knife
without dying or or getting hurt real bad i don't think we have the time to delve into that very
much because we couldn't figure out how to rob a jewelry store.
That was the same guy, right?
I don't think so.
I remember that being a younger guy.
Two different people.
It blends in.
I remember, of all those guys, the only one who didn't end up
having at least some
fun content come out of it was the producer guy.
He was
the only one who literally gave
nothing like didn't want to talk about anything didn't want to invent like we are trying to let
you explain what your job is in the context of your netflix series like oh it's really just a
self-insert this is embarrassing and then like no yeah i watched i tried to watch that shit later and it was just so so awful it
was so awful oh the self-insert shit i i never watched the show because i wasn't the target demo
but you know powerpuff girls they made a remake of powerpuff girls i guess recently in the past
few years and one of the writers kept writing a clear self insert of himself into
the story as
like a lover or like a dating
like blossom one of the powerpuff girls
Zach throw that picture up
hopefully you're already looking for it because it's like
a writer for the show who got brought on and as
soon apparently this is what the meme
said as soon as he got brought on
this other character starts getting
injected into it and he
looks just like that guy except not jacked he's uh the real guy is just a glasses wearing dweeb
seemingly and he just continued to make himself the write-in date of blossom or buttercup or
cherries i don't know what the third one's name is i don't know what any of my names are because i don't you know i'm not a little girl or anything but uh but that's odd
that's not as odd as that one guy um was it i carly or something it's the one with the ketchup
the foot guy the foot guy dan schneider i don't know how i feel about foot people is it always
sexual or or is sometimes it just this other weird kind of thing where their dick doesn't have to come out?
Because then I'm okay with it a little more.
I think it's sexual at its
core, right?
The way someone really enjoys a hot fudge
sundae sometimes.
It's like, I treat myself once a year.
It's so decadent. Maybe that's how he is about
sticking his toe. He treats himself once a year
to 11-year-old's feet
online.
He stops by while the kids are in the pool and takes all their socks, you know?
Man, this guy's the worst prankster ever.
It's the same fucking prank every single time.
He's just snipping socks.
He's just head buried in the cubbies at oshkosh bigosh
yeah i have a question for you guys hypothetically you're a girl right you're on a date with this guy
and it turns out he's a foot dude right that's his thing do you lower your standards to let him off
for how much you have to like him?
Right.
So just hear me out.
Not really in the single scene,
but like if you're a girl and you're going to fuck the guy,
then you probably have to really like him or at least at some level,
find him attractive and cool and whatever.
Sure.
Blow him maybe a step lower.
Right.
You know,
like you want to like the guy and he can't be gross,
but you might blow someone you won't fuck at least not yet right beat stuff that's like easier than hand job or at least
it should be girls should be handing out like use my feet for masturbation inspiration like a hug
no i'd yeah so um i've actually talked to girls about i've actually talked to girls about this
and and some girls i'm sure feel that way but i think what a lot of girls think is feet are so
creepy like the last thing in the world i'm going to do is sit here like let you like jerk off on
my feet like like no i don't part of that that's most girls feel that way that that's that that's odd i think
the most of the positive reinforcement that these gentlemen get comes from women who are paid to
give it because by and large women don't want i mean they might want you to lick their feet
but like there's no ladies that want you to like like fuck their toe gap or whatever like put your
feet together like this or whatever whatever that's strictly a guy i'm not into feet and it's one of the kinks i can't understand
right like it i'm not really a big boob guy but i get it i get it i can see how people would be
um i'm not really a big like fat ass guy but i get it i get like i can see the appeal, even if it's not my like bullseye feet are actually a little yucky to be.
Oftentimes a touch crusty, probably the dirtiest part, not the dirtiest part of your body.
That might be your butthole or something, but they're right.
They compete, right?
You take your feet, you wrap them in like heavy cotton and put them in shoes.
On average, it's the dirtiest part of your body. the time you get away from work it's dirty it's yeah yeah but you
clean them right away yeah true you're stomping around with those filthy feet all the time you
step in something you're like comparable to my hands if i wore work gloves all day long because
i wear shoes all day long right my socks are not sweet smelling if i take them that's what they're
after though they want that stink they want those pheromones i bet there's a whole gamut of the feet guys who some
of them probably are like oh those clean feet that's disgusting give them to me all sweaty and
then other ones are like i'm a foot guy not a weirdo clean them uh yeah i don't think that i
understand it because my when i think about it i'm, I guess like cute feet are cute on a cute girl.
But what I'm really thinking is like anything on a cute girl is cute.
So it's like it's like your gloves are fucking cute.
But you know what I mean?
Like, yeah, so fucking hot.
Anything attached to you is fucking hot.
Like when I see that Selma Hyatt clip and from Dusk Till Dawn where she pours the liquor down her thigh down her foot into Quentin
Tarantino's mouth it's like yeah I'd love to do that too I'm not into her feet I'm just into
Selma Hayek yeah a really hot girl this is the thing that catches my attention they'll grab some
outlandish belt right could be a big fat cowboy belt buckle it could be rhinestones I don't know
and if the girl's hot enough she makes that belt rock you know like
that's that's what they can bring to the table whereas if you put that same belt on fucking lizzo
it's not hot yeah it's a bracelet it's a bracelet yeah the foot thing like i don't notice and i
think this is probably the the if you're not into feet like i don't notice
a woman's feet unless they are like noticeably small or noticeably big like i she has to have
feet way on either end of the bell curve for me to be like that oh what's going on
brightly painted toes like if they're on display like i could be like oh look
at that she's all done up i'd be that it's like oh she's she likes to to beautify a little
beautification making herself look nice she's probably you know all trimmed up down there also
see immediately i'm going to say that's how i know you're not a foot guy you're like oh i'm
gonna draw some inferences about shit i do care about. Yeah. What does your pussy look like?
Yeah, why can't you just be a normal guy who's into pussy,
you fucking weirdos, with your feet?
But also, like, is it the most innocent little fetish ever?
That's kind of where I was headed.
It seems so non-sex, like if...
Right.
Because if I was, like, if I was a gay guy
and I'm hooking up with some dude, some sexy guy,
and he wants to beat off on my feet.
Yeah.
I, you know what, actually,
I'm convincing myself in this thought experiment right now,
I've changed my mind.
No, he wants to fuck your feet.
I wouldn't like it.
He wants you to, like, you lay on your stomach,
and then, no, you can probably lay on your back,
but kind of bend your knees up
and put your feet together to make like a pussy
and then and then he grabs your ankles and
he fucks it that's what's happening yeah
and what am I doing the whole time I'm just laying
there yeah you're laying there
like he's changing
me like a toddler yeah
exactly like that this is
Woody gay man
right you take me out to
dinner Dr. Scholl's give it there's no spark right you've taken
out dinner but there's no spark i don't want to fuck you i don't even want to blow you because
look i don't think there's going to be a second date but i am appreciative of the fact that you
paid so if you're a foot dude let's dance women don't think that way. That's never happened once in the history of women and men
existing. This is gay Woody.
There's no way gay guys would
get to the point where they're like, oh, you're in a foot
stuff? Alright, give me a foot fuck
real quick. There's no way that's on
the menu. It just happened.
It just did. It was fantasy.
It was long-held fantasy.
I just want to fuck your feet
you have Johnson's baby oil
no then I'm out
I'd feel like I would need
something else
to be doing like I don't want
to be just laying there while he's
jacking himself off with my feet
and I feel like women would feel the
same way
I can't get off the gist of your feet.
What do I do with my hands? I got both hands open.
I can't even reach down to it. Am I going to help?
You got to put your hands on your own dick.
You're working his nips.
You're working his nips.
So now I'm like making my upper back sore
because I'm leaning forward.
Yes!
This is about him and his power.
And his power over me.
And then he's going to want me to talk dirty while he comes on my nasty
fucking feet and on the like the whole
time on repeat it's playing these boots
from Mayfoo Walk and
that's just what they'll do
only that line
yeah
it's a mix
it's cutting out and back in like a horror movie
yeah no I don't think most
women want uh you to jack off on their feet and to kyle's point it's going to be what what they
would call a red flag of oh this guy wants to beat off on my feet on our first tinder date
this guy's a fucking weirdo if he's exposing this to me day one yeah what's lurking under now you're
just being hurtful i'm just i don't like you associating the feet with other like awful things
or but but but yeah i feel the same way like if i i don't know i don't want to be spending a whole
lot of time doing that i was really hoping that you just liked getting your pussy eaten or something
the normal stuff yeah you know like like i I'm okay with doing some other stuff,
but, like, is a cornerstone to your sex life foot stuff?
That's the real question.
Is this, like, a weird Saturday night,
or is this every time I got to get out the foot lotion?
Yeah.
Am I going to have to pay for your pedicures
so that I don't get a hangnail?
It would make me self-conscious, because I'd be be like i never really thought if my feet looked good or not
neg now i gotta pop my feet off and this guy's a foot connoisseur he's gonna know
no he wants him rough he wants he wants wait he wants to be is it humiliating to me or to him
he doesn't care is it both of us he's he's bit of a psychopath, so he doesn't care how you feel at all.
But it's all about him being humiliated by your dirty, dirty straight man feet.
Oh, well, then, no, no.
I would not like that at all.
That's just bullying.
Oh, your feet are so disgusting.
It gets me off because I'm being humiliated.
I'm like, whoa, I'm right here taking your load, bud.
Like, I'm right here on my back.
Legs up in the air. I'm just picturing feet okay never mind they're just not pretty you know i mean i mean even pretty feet just aren't very
attractive the utilitarian parts of the body like i only notice them on really anyone what about
armpits like could you could you could you do some weird stuff to an armpit? I'd rather not.
There's so many better places.
I'd be down.
I'd be down to get in there and lick around.
I would rather lick a girl's armpit than lick mine.
You've got to be careful.
Ever lick an armpit with deodorant on it?
It is shockingly dry.
It doesn't smell like morning mist.
Deodorant on your tongue is one of the most uncomfortable things ever because your
tongue needs to be wet to do its job but deodorant is you know very good anti-wet from happening so
you just i remember once my sister sprayed spray deodorant in my face and it got all in my mouth
and it was the worst sensation ever i i can think i can taste it right now i can taste it right now. I can taste it right now, and that was 25 years ago.
Were you just like,
I was just in my own spitting room.
Did you deserve this abuse?
No, she always escalated to weaponry
so fast.
I actually thought you were going to be like,
yeah, it was justified.
God, an argument her would immediately
like, because she is two years younger
and a girl, so if it does get physical, I'm going immediately like, because she is two years younger and a girl,
so if it does get physical, I'm going to win,
but she would immediately go to like knives
and stabbing weapons like the Terminator.
She's just...
What were these fights over?
Like you weren't like...
Remote control.
You were sharing?
The remote control.
So back then we had satellite, not cable.
I don't even know if cable would...
I guess you need multiple boxes.
Box was like 75 bucks a month just for the box. No, it wasn't. I don't know know if cable would... I guess you need multiple boxes. Box was like $75 a month just for the box.
No, it wasn't.
I don't know why we just...
It was probably that you were a little remote.
Yeah, most remote people have satellite, or at least they did.
My grandparents always did, and they were in the middle of nowhere.
They couldn't get cable out there.
Well, there was one...
My point is there was only one remote in one box,
and we did not want to share that we had she wanted to watch
like blues clues or some sort of nickelodeon shit that she was already way too old for
and i was like like it's like you're eight years too old for this shit i don't want to watch this
like and it's like blues clues is like toddler shit You're like learning your alphabet. And she's like in high school watching this shit.
And I'm like, fuck no.
Anything but this.
CNN, Fox News, fucking A&E.
But please, can I just watch my mystery stories or whatever I want to see?
Yeah, put sports on.
Literally anything.
But the children's show.
It would be a fight.
And I would end up usually hiding in a room because what am I going to do?
Like beat her up?
She'll stab me, though.
What was the
biggest stabbing stabbing implement she ever threatened you with a steak knife or something
like like you know like a like a personal steak knife you'd use it yeah like not like the big
butcher knife but she would grab a steak knife all the blues blues there were lessons in blues
blues about like not being violent it wasn't even about like stabbing though she was throwing she
would throw dangerous things and and women do that i feel like because they feel like oh i just threw it at him
like what like it doesn't count it doesn't count i didn't mean to go in his eye i didn't hit him
i used a range attack which is socially acceptable yeah i'm not responsible for what happens if i
throw it at somebody and it kills them like she she, she was, you know, throw a fucking knife at you. The way it shows one night,
you predict it too.
She threw a fork at my foot one night and somehow it stuck like,
like prongs first and went into my foot so deeply.
I had to pull it out.
It was like a,
it was a good fork and there were three holes.
It was a four prong fork and there were three bloody holes in my foot.
Whereas it kind of went in at an angle.
What were you doing? Did you not
report this to the authorities, your parents,
and get them to be like, hey, sister.
What am I going to do? This was like an argument over
the microwave.
She escalated it to blood.
We were driving to school one day
and she pulled out a switchblade
and just stabbed it in my car seat.
Oh.
Why?
Why not?
I'm trying to understand your car seat.
Are you a child in a car seat
or are you an adult who owns a car with seats in it?
I'm an adult who owns a car
with seats in that motherfucker.
Oh, that's...
I'm 16 years old
driving a Ford
F-150 to school with her
in it. I'm driving her to school
and she goes
and stabs it between us
into the goddamn seat.
And you're like, oh, thanks for ruining my seat just for
a second. What do you do?
It's not even technically my truck.
Daddy bought me the truck like what am i
gonna do yeah i'm a cell phone or when i get home that's all i can grab the fireplace poker and
teach that bitch a lesson no she's a rough customer is all i'm saying what does it hold
her like is she like yeah i i went to zero to 100 a little too quickly i mean you know i i was
probably antagonistic i i'm not trying to act like i
wasn't um but jesus christ she's a rough customer that's hilarious like nothing like even approaching
that ever happened with me and my brothers like because because your brothers you can like sock
each other if things get go too far i'm i'm i just have to walk away that like i said i didn't get i
she had the nintendo 64 i could only play when she was like on a sleepover to some girl's house if things go too far. I just have to walk away. Like I said, I didn't get... She had that Nintendo 64.
I could only play
when she was on a sleepover
to some girl's house.
I could play a little Paper Mario
and then wrap the cord just right
and tuck it away
so she doesn't know.
You guys anti-sharing rules
at your house?
That doesn't make sense to me.
That would have been...
My dad would have punished me
if I got an N64
for Christmas or something and it came out two weeks into it that my brother was like, hey, Taylor hasn't let me play even once, even though he said he would.
My dad would be like, is that true?
You've just not let him use it at all.
You've said no.
Even when you weren't using it, you wouldn't let him use it.
OK, you're not using it for the next two weeks.
It's only him.
My dad would have done some Solomon shit like that.
See, I think it's fair.
I do think our way was right because I wasn't going to let her on my ATVs
or I wasn't going to let her shoot my rifles.
I wasn't going to let her put on the sunglasses or the goggles
or use my paintball equipment.
And those were the things that i would get for christmases
like my christmas present would be i don't know we'd had like maybe a thousand dollars a kid
budget or something like that and and we kind of had that broad number in mind as kids when we
they would get us these big toy books that's just oh man i can't tell you i bet they don't
make them anymore the toys are us catalog is like i'm pretty sure it's what it was and as a kid i don't make that anymore you'd circle up they're adding more brick and mortar
stores like now uh something they're trying to make a comeback good uh so maybe you can just
like like but but for the longest time maybe the last 20 years you couldn't but as a kid that
catalog was full of just oh my god i knew this and i knew that and just all every cutting edge uh like laser boots
i was big in a laser tag and anything with lasers and uh so what i'm getting at is i would be like
that shit breaks that shit's plastic and i would want a gun or i would want uh like a four-wheeler
so it's like can i just get a four-wheeler and say well four
wheeler costs more than a thousand dollars and it's like three thousand dollar four-wheeler
okay well i've got this much money how about i give you my five hundred dollars and you go get
a four-wheeler and i make payments on it by working for mom or you know like i'd work something out
but i wasn't gonna so her 64 was staying in her room and i understood that. But she was a shithead anyway.
Yeah, I wouldn't let you play the N64
even though you would let her ride around in your four-wheeler.
Absolutely wouldn't.
Fuck off that shit.
We mostly had
golf carts a lot. My dad always
had two or three golf carts that we'd ride around
the property. I was thinking about that recently. That was
so much fun to cruise around on those.
I mean, inevitably wreck them a little bit and learn how to drive and it was really good
for learning how to drive and tip them ramming this running into shit i remember ramming into
each other one of them was a true was a four-wheel golf cart and one was three and so that thing's
really unstable three-wheeler golf cart so you could get that thing doing it's doing some wonky
stuff by flicking the wheel back left and right and you know we're eight years old we can give
a shit about were you on like a gravel road or something they're just like driving on a on the
in the field i feel like they wouldn't do well in a field i mean we kind of lived in a field you
know like like it's just you walk outside and there's just you can kind of it's it's field
just you walk outside and there's just you can kind of it's it's field basically with a driveway to it but i mean a golf like a golf cart would suck in a field wouldn't it it was it's smooth
enough it's got it's got tiny little wheel no no i mean like it's meant to be driving through like
a fairway or like rough which is like a week and a half a little bigger than the ones you see on
the like the only thing that would stop it would be the creeks.
But the golf carts would go just about everywhere
as long as you get into rough terrain.
I can remember distinctly how much speed
we'd get up to to go up certain hills
because the chicken houses are built on these big flat pads
that have hills that drop off sharply on the ends.
And you have to get maximum 23 miles per hour to like hit that
thing at the bottom and make it to the top but yeah those things were fun to kind of learn how
to drive as a kid i remember playing on four-wheelers on the farm and my grandparents constantly like
that was the thing i was most excited about that or paintball in the woods like spending
a huge amount of hours building a fort for like attack and defense and then doing paintball
with like any friends that came down there or my brothers or whoever but i remember my mom was like
big on like all right you're right taylor's six years old he's ready for his first atv
but you're gonna you're gonna put a that was when i got my first atv i was safe and uh he was like
five and my grandpa sold it where he
was like shit i'm gonna put a governor in there and screw it in he can't go any faster and then
my mom bought it was like okay and my grandpa did put a little because it was a screw you had
like a screw that was screwed into the side of the little thumb pressing ignition area and then
it kept you from accelerating so like you you couldn't jam it down all the way it would just
go halfway or however long and over like a very brief amount of time the rattling of
the atv shook that screw loose but it never would just fall out and so like i would go out to ride
and i learned that you do a little lefty lucy on that bitch now you're flying out there because it
was it was like a kid's atv in that it was smaller but it could
still go as fast as a normal atv still 150 cc it's still it's still really like i it was not
i shouldn't have been riding around as fast as i did when i was like six but i never had a like
fall or anything i wonder if i had a do they still let six-year-olds have atvs like i don't know like back in the 70s
and 80s people had freedom to go places in in the way that is not a normal way to raise kids anymore
to just be like open the door in the morning and say don't come back till sunset that's not what
people do nowadays yeah i feel like i was at the very end of that, like where my parents just kind of did that.
We're like, no, it's not until it's dark out.
It's an outdoor day.
Just fox around.
I think that like, where do you go now without the malls?
Like now that there isn't a mall, you know, two or three malls in every town with like a movie theater and a galleria and food court and arcade and a bunch of shit and big fountain just to sit around and like meet people and hang out or
something.
I don't know where you're supposed to go.
Exactly.
Cause you could do that at the mall without spending a shit ton of money.
You could go hang out,
get a little food,
maybe buy a,
you know,
hat or something.
But it was much more common to go to the woods,
build forts,
uh,
try to build shelters.
Um,
what else did we,
we rode bikes a lot,
played Dungeons and Dragons,
someone else's house.
Yeah.
We were more woods kids too.
Like the mall was fun when like the mall wasn't fun until like I got my
driver's license.
And then it was like,
Oh,
I can pick a girl up and then take her to the mall,
which has a theater in it.
And so we can go,
you know, see a movie or
whatever the whole like getting dropped
off at the mall in middle school was cool
for like two hours
until you're like well I don't
really have any money and now I'm just kind of at
the food court with a bunch of other
13 year olds with no money
we're probably bothering everyone
I have eight quarters
and eight hours I knew I shouldn I have eight quarters and eight hours.
I knew I shouldn't have hit
Sarku Japan twice.
I'm not that good at video games.
I can't stretch this
for eight hours. See, I would have liked that.
I was too young for the arcade
thing, but I always thought the arcade would be
fun to go mess around
in. Dave & Buster's is the closest
I've gotten as an adult.
Yeah. Dave & Buster's is the closest I've gotten as an adult. Yeah.
Dave & Buster's is super expensive.
Is it? It is.
For what you're doing, it's pretty expensive.
I haven't been in a while.
I remember... Oh, it's been a long time.
Our boss,
when I was selling cars,
took everyone and gave everybody a card
with a bunch of points on it.
I think that was literally the last time i ever i went yeah did you cheat at ski ball did
you climb up in there not only like maybe once in my chucky cheese days because i saw an older kid
who for some reason like me being six or seven and seeing like a devil may care 11 year old
crawling up there and just like shoving them in the hole i was like whoa this guy plays by his
own rules and then like in my head i'm like we just need to make sure that adult over there
16 year old you know doesn't catch us and and shut us down and no i never got in trouble for it and
i think i only did it once because i was a pussy and and also even like the whole point of cheating
at skeeball would be to maximize your ticket revenue and skeeball at least at my chucky cheese
as a kid was never a good roi like if you the more fun the game was the worse the ticket roi so like
you could get the best the best game was the
interactive bucks you around
Jurassic Park that was the
best game they had there but it didn't feed out any
tickets at all but what you got a bunch of tickets
was that like bullshit where it's like hit the
slam the thing when the light gets exactly
in between these two posts
oh yeah you waste a bunch on
that I hated it too because it
was like full of all sorts of valuables.
Yeah.
And it made you like realize gambling as a kid where you're just like, God, just a couple more tokens.
And I know I can get it.
Yeah, I know I can get it.
I'm getting so close.
I fucked it up, but I still got close.
That's that's 10 tickets.
That adds to the total.
You're going to get that inflatable fucking one thing that's always pushing the row of quarters ever closer.
I, I always want to just shake the fuck out of that thing.
It's like, give me the quarters.
I did shake that at Chuck E. Cheese once, and an alarm went off.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what.
They get over there quick for the quarter.
Because it doesn't go whoop, and then alert it.
It is like a get like everyone all hands on deck
you know drop the show and the birthday party everyone in here like because it doesn't stop
until they like reset it and so like i was like maybe 10 and i was just aggravated by it and so
i did a little just a little shake and then it started going who whoop, whoop, whoop.
And it goes until a guy comes over and is like, do you shake it?
It's like, no.
And he's like, all right, whatever.
I'm 16 and I'm dealing with a bunch of drunk parents at a first grader's
birthday party in the other room.
Just don't do it again.
And he also took all the tickets that were hanging out of the machine.
Oh. Oh.
Yeah.
And in fairness,
they were all from the shaking.
Yeah.
That's why they don't allow you to shake it.
That's the ultimate.
Like if you can,
if you can shake that thing and have an alarm not go off,
you are made in the shade
because it needs so many.
I just buy a roll of tickets.
You just buy a roll of tickets
like off Amazon and show up.
10, of tickets. You just buy a roll of tickets off Amazon and show up. 10,000 tickets.
You're like opening the economy.
I pass them out to kids.
10,000 tickets at a time with kids.
Just ruining the economy.
I'm going to destroy Chuck E. Cheese
by having them have to buy so many Xboxes
that they go out of business for these kids.
I never once saw a kid actually be handed
a console from the top shelf.
Of course not.
There's nothing in that box.
I think I saw a kid get a boombox
and that was the highest quality.
It was probably the lowest quality bullshit boombox ever.
God, it must have cost a fortune to earn a boombox.
Yeah.
See, he could play all his cassettes, his boombox, and his CDs.
So, yeah.
But I remember I thought that was cool at the time.
I'm like, whoa, that guy can walk around, I guess, his house with a boombox bothering his entire family.
Unironically.
Like that dude from Do the Right Thing,
Rakim Mahim
or whatever his name is. You remember that movie?
I don't know that movie.
Damn, expand your film knowledge.
I work on it.
It's a Spike Lee movie that I had in school.
Have you seen any of the new
season of Rick and Morty
with the new voice actor for Rick and Morty?
That seems too depressing.
I don't want to do that. You noticed it right
away. Really?
He did not try to duplicate the old
voices. He just plowed
his path. Really? Yeah.
Is he good?
Does he seem pretty good so far?
I don't know.
Isn't he also the main writer?
No.
I think the other guy who looks like obese Santa Claus is the main writer.
Him and a team of people.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Well, I mean, Rick and Morty hasn't been good for years anyway.
I'm not going to jump back into it.
But how do you get rid of the main voice?
You couldn't keep Sonny going without Charlie and Mac.
I agree with the sunny thing but in cartoons i i think the two of you being good at accents are particularly sensitive to changes to me you could get a new bart a homer lisa i wouldn't even
know you could slip that right past me oh i noticed that shit like i like i if they tried to switch out a voice
actor like even if the voice is on i recognize like wait a minute that is not that's not the
cadence that hank hill says that in like that's not how he would have said that he hit this word
harder and it's not like you you just notice it in real time it's like an uncanny valley thing
where you're like i'll recognize i'll be watching animation. I'll be like, oh, that's Jeffrey Combs.
They got Jeffrey Combs this week to do the voice of this character, that character.
I'll definitely.
I don't know.
I definitely noticed.
I thought it was a little funny, although now I can't remember exactly what the episode was about.
Not a good sign.
Yeah, not a great sign.
Oh, Rick and Jerry try to do like a freaky friday brain swap
but they did it in a really convoluted way where they like had each other's they didn't swap minds
they swap they swap brains or something which is different you know like your mind in my brain
because one guy's a genius and the other's an idiot i think i think rick was trying to prove
a point but then when he started experiencing what it was like to be as retarded as jerry
he just blew his brains out immediately and then and then um now jerry's trapped in rick's body
full of augments and rocket lasers and he's like okay i can fix this and then he immediately kills
himself too accidentally
so then the computer system in the garage has to piece them back together so they just become an
amalgamation of each other just a sort of an average mix of of both which is i don't know
two cool normal characters who become like best buddies and like start kicking ass together so
that was fun i like that episode and morty just wasn't in it they'd want to stress
i don't remember too much didn't want to have him doing both yeah i don't remember morty being there
maybe he had a b plot um again i was i was eating some gummies at the time and that's the way she
goes yeah and then you know i get the broad strokes of those things i need a tv show i don't
have anything did you guys watch that blackbird show on hbo i said too
uh about the prisoner i put it on the watch list yeah it's it's a mini series so it's only six
hour long episodes so you guys will breeze through it it's really really fucking good it's the last
mini series i watched that i was afterward like damn i wish there was more of this this is really
good it's about a guy in jail falsely accused maybe maybe not don't know what what the situation is and he's white he is white
yes he didn't do it yeah see that was my first thing i was like this guy couldn't have done it
or if he did he had a good reason yeah what's his side of the story what i want to tell you yeah i bet it's nuanced
no it's it's really really good you would like it it's uh okay especially like i i think woody
i think you'd like it too now kyle i know you would like blackbird you said blackbird yep well
let me tell you that the show that i know, Apple TV. Here's what I highly recommend.
This is my third or fourth time recommending it.
I recommend two different things.
One's Spawn.
It's the animated Spawn on HBO.
It's old, but it's adult animation.
I think there's dick in there.
I think there's pussy maybe.
There's definitely titties and gore.
That's real good.
But, oh shit.
What was the thing I was actually wanting to recommend?
Oh, I don't know. it literally just slipped my mind i wanted to like also recommend spawn and then the other
thing slipped out of my head like it just fell out you just you can't remember what you liked
so much i lost it but you loved it didn't you tune in next week to find out what show
i got eight minutes I got eight minutes.
Talk about something else while I dig this up.
No, no. Let's keep Kyle on the spot.
Kyle, what was it? Think harder.
Woody and I are going to help. We're going to name television programs, and you say yes or no.
Was it South Park?
Was it Blue's Clues?
The Outsiders. It's Steven Seagal.
See? I spurned it.
You did not. I had to zone you out like a Buddha.
I'm glad I could help.
Yes, it was booze, booze that made him remember.
It took all my mental faculty to silence you from my mind's eye
and brought you to a place where I could see that movie poster.
What is it called, the movie?
The Outsider.
It's a Stephen King series on HBO.
I watched that.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, I like him.
Tom Cruise, Patrick Swayze.
He's like, we have to catch stuff.
Yeah, he has like those, what is it called?
With the child rapist in Georgia.
Flo V8.
There's some word for like when you don't get S's right.
He doesn't say S's correctly in his voice.
Did you notice that?
Yeah, but it's like a specific kind of Lisp.
Oh, okay.
I don't i don't
know the different uh uh variants he does have a speech thing though right the guy you're thinking
of the the main guy the investigator it doesn't come to mind right now i'm sure if i saw it i
would i would pick up on it too but i don't remember it but that's a good show that is super
spooky um the outsider it's i think it's the outsider but it might be plural might be outsiders on hbs
i have recommended a bunch of times but i love it the first episode is like captivating you'll
be right into it it's they find a boy who's been like murdered or or murdered or whatever
mate he's been made uh like a 12 year old boy's maped to death, and they started quickly investigating, and it turns out that all signs point to the cool baseball little league coach
who's played by, what's his name from Ozark?
Nice guy, McNicey.
Oh, Jason Bateman.
Jason Bateman, yeah.
Everything seems to point to Jason Bateman having maped
cool little 12-year-old Opie,
and so that's how the the thing opens it's wild
it's a it's a sad show uh there there are some very sad moments throughout it very intense
sad it's a sad time of year i feel like everyone should be a little depressed it should be it
should be a spooky time of year not a sad time of year sad time of year death did you see bad words the movie the
show all right so bad words is a movie with justin bateman in it and uh there are rules that keep
adults out of spelling bees and i think the rule was written as like you can't have finished the
eighth grade well it turns out justin bateman plays this guy who is both a genius and never finished eighth grade.
So he goes up there and like the ESPN big spelling bee.
And he's like 40, but he's Justin Bateman.
So he looks really good.
And he just kicking the shit out of all these children in this Indian kids.
Yeah.
And they all hate him and he doesn't
give a fuck also he's rude right so like i don't know the kids will be like why are you competing
in the spelling bee it's not for adults and he's like i'm gonna fuck your mom after this
can you spell penetration like pumps him on the forehead like
like there's a kid i it's like he's playing mind games with the kid but i think the kid's playing
mind games back and you can't really tell what's up and i enjoyed the movie then there's an
overarching plot where he's trying to get revenge on someone you don't understand it until the end
trying to get revenge through the spelling bee. I would not enter. There is nothing to gain as an adult entering a spelling bee for children.
The best case scenario is you look like a bully.
I think there's a prize.
Is it 600 grand to win that?
How much is it?
What?
Really?
It's not trivial.
Let me see.
Oh, damn.
I didn't know it was.
I had no idea they gave money out.
50 grand.
It's 50. Yeah, you want to hustle the parents into getting them to pay you
to drop out. That's what you do.
That actually
makes some sense, but then why wouldn't...
Yeah.
It's just a bad
way to make money.
You wanted this on his fucking Yale entrance
exam or whatever.
Or, yeah, I'd drop out for $10,000.
But then you don't drop out.
You get that $50,000 too.
Yep, double dip in.
Yeah, double contracts aren't binding in this state, bitch.
You thought you could fucking make a contract
with a guy who sneaks into children's spelling bees,
you dumb cunt?
No.
I have no honor.
Now, excuse me.
He signs right here.
I need to go spell, you know, ornithological.
It's like Ronald McDonald, you dumb bitch.
You get 50 grand to win the spelling bee,
2,500 from Webster,
and then a $400 membership to Britannica Online Premium.
What a shitty prize,
like a website login that they say is worth 400.
Yeah.
That like that cheapens the 50 grand.
It does like that.
Those should be like participation trophies for everyone.
Everyone gets a TGI Fridays card like that level of shit.
Cause that's ridiculous.
50.
It's like,
Kyle,
do you want to join my competition?
I'll give you $10,000,
an Applebee's gift card and a coupon for one free back rub from me and they're like stop handing these out to the kids
you'll be paid in coupon books from this philanthropist pedophile who loves spelling bees and children.
You get a all-expense-paid trip to
Little St. James Island
to relax on the beach with my friend
Jeff.
Bad words. Fun movie.
I'm glad we caught all those pedophiles.
We don't have to worry about them anymore.
Done and done.
Which pedophiles?
All of them. We rounded them all up done. Which pedophiles? All of them. We rounded
them all up. The island pedophiles.
Yeah, all the rich and powerful
ones that were lurking.
Problem solved.
You're holding up your trivia sheet?
Yeah, I'm hoping there is trivia this week. I didn't
see back from the trivia meister.
Nor did I.
I might just write questions tomorrow
if he doesn't respond
yeah I'm sure he'll get back to us tonight
if not I'll maybe help
or something write some as well
I'm looking forward to trivia
looking forward to dressing up
I couldn't settle on
I won't spoil it but what I'm
dressing up as but
I have no idea yet I just have to hope the costume
store has something I ordered my costume.
It arrives tomorrow.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Nah,
I didn't want to risk an Amazon prime delivery,
not getting there until Thursday post showtime.
So I'm not going to order it because I still have an order one.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I bet it'll be more fun to go out physically and browse around.
I can talk to the costume experts at
the costume store, at the seasonal costumes.
Choose all the guy costumes.
You get slutty prisoners,
slutty doctor.
Slutty...
Man, I'm excited.
I'll tell you what you should be. You want my recommendation?
Sure. Iron Sheik.
Iron Sheik.
Iron Sheik. Dude, that fucking costume. Yeah, the wrestler fucking costume yeah the wrestler so
the iron chic was a big wrestler and popular because we just had all that shit with with
carter and iran and then it was a huge everybody hated it and then hogan would come out living in
america with a big american flag like like hulk mania
run wild all over the iron chic so i feel like now we've come full circle the iranians are back
in the news um look at this little yeah look at that guy now this is obviously him well after his
retirement because he's a celebrity guest as you can see there but i would have loved to have seen
him when he was a wrestling champion um like like see that on the shirt that that old man's wearing you can see a picture of
what the iron sheik looks like he does look pretty he's got the head wrap he has this uh
this iranian head wrap that to middle america looks like terrorism
yeah that's big powerful another easy guy imagine this taylor uh you could be kobe
bryant all you need is a jersey and some shoe polish that's true it'd be kobe good idea
i could wear like i could do something tasteless with a helicopter i don't know what can i
just have like a crash site you could have a halo
and you could do a crash site as your fucking uh background
it's like no this is respectful only halo means heaven bro if i want hated him, I'd wear horns. The blackface is never a respectful
tailor.
He's just very
badly burned from the fuel.
Ah, yes.
I'm like full-throatedly defending it.
I got big white lips.
You're doing
a dance.
Dude, just ruin my life just a bucket of kfc like like dude you meant it you meant it
just the most just hit every fucking light i want to say every time i see like one of those
russian helicopters crashing i i if i'm in mixed company i go kobe
because i just don't care I just don't care.
I just don't care that that man could play that game.
He was a rapist.
He was a rapist.
That is what people say.
He was a rapist, but he's really good at basketball.
So good at basketball.
Counterpoint.
He had that black mamba energy.
You have to be like an all-timer for people to just overlook shit like that.
No, no.
You just got to be like an all-star
if you're like a three-time all-star like carl malone level like i don't know his accomplishments
i'm not alone a hall of famer um i think he is yeah i think he's like one of the top 100 ever
top 50 they give you a card when you get inducted one free night of fun or whatever the fuck i think
he impregnated like some children and said when
he was younger like you did what he filled me in on that and i was like yeah true and then
it is true mad tv used to do a carl malone impression where they made fun of him just
being stupid and it's hilarious yeah it's like i am i i just i'm not a pedophile i just struggle with numbers. Karl Malone, third most points in the history of basketball.
All right.
That's even higher than Kobe.
He had a score.
He knew how to score.
Who's number one?
LeBron James?
Give me a second to get there, Kyle.
Is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar the number one?
Yeah.
LeBron James.
Malone was putting up 14 every night in the 80s.
I don't know.
It's LeBron James.
He passed Kareem.
Nice.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
The oldest living, to my knowledge, seven-foot tall man.
Think about it.
Nobody else.
If you add to your knowledge, then everything is halfway, isn't it?
Yeah. Okay. Well, then let me fix that the oldest seven foot man oh by the way like i know it's time to wrap but i was right about the ufc fight taylor i knew it was going to turn into some
political shit the the one fighter wins and in english he's like oh fucking world peace and
juju bees everybody and then he goes into arabic and he's just like that's funny chechets have a real heart if kardarov the warlord i'm always complaining about
allows me i will then allah will send me to palestine with a rifle it is easy to fight
here in the ufc in shorts but then you know that's not
what's in my heart i will go and kill uh um the the cosmo chimaev dude yeah comes out
he's beat uzman right do i have my people yeah yeah although it was rather close
i i heard that i didn't see a good fight five rounds it would have been uh i would five everybody
wait maybe i misunderstand what you're saying it was a three round fight yeah everyone feels like
a five round fight would have been very different it was a wild card um it was great that one-eyed
guy was the beginning of the night and that it's so weird to see a guy who's clearly has one eye
you know fighting in the ufc he had no
takedown defense he kept getting taken down but from the bottom he was so dangerous he was 12
6 elbowing that guy in the top of the head rapidly there were no rules enforced at this thing the
doctor was blind the guy gets kicked in the balls and he's borderline crying like i've never seen anybody this hurt did he get
disqualified he's he's no no contest the doctor's going he didn't hit your balls and the guy's like
he's holding his balls and he can't stand was that johnny walker was that that one
no johnny walker takes an illegal knee to the head and the doctor goes what country are you in and he goes i'm in
the desert because we're in abu dhabi and he goes fights over and johnny walker's like fuck it is
pushes the rep out of the way and he's like come on ankle i have like any like ankle i was like
you're not gonna call me out and they start squaring off too and the whole ring fills with
people dana white eventually has to come in and be like,
get your fucking corner.
You get your fucking corner before it all cools off because nobody else
loved it.
I mean,
it was a melt.
The fight was like a minute and 30 seconds long.
And you'd already had this.
Johnny Walker fighting.
I think a life.
Okay.
All right.
So here's the deal.
In the UFC, you guys know this.
When they do these remote fights,
like if they do a fight in Japan,
it'll tend to have a lot of Japanese fighters in the card,
and they arrange it in such a way
so that the Japanese fighters are almost all favorites.
They're likely to win their fights.
And this time was in Fight Island in Abu Dhabi.
And I want to say that the various Arab guys won all but one fight.
Does that sound right to you?
Yeah, that should be right.
And the Johnny Walker fight was even, I think they called it a no contest or something.
There's a few ways they can go with that.
It should have been a disqualification victory for Johnny Walker.
It's like, hey, you rattled this guy's brain
so bad with your illegal move that now he can't continue you lose he wins we've been fighting here
for a minute that's what i would have done that's not what they did uh there were a lot of
controversial things going the one guy that was like screaming my balls my balls and the doctor's
like you're fine like that was crazy makes it he went to the hospital for that yeah yeah yeah yeah they carried
him um out of the you know to the to the back but the one guy that only has one eye to to like
further woody's that it's a little bit different in abu dhabi in japan and a japanese card or a
south american card in brazil yeah it'll be stacked against america or whoever the bad guys
are to them they'll do that every time but oh my god the scales don't matter in abu dhabi
khabib missed weight on his championship fight everybody watched him miss weight he did he did
the fucking towel thing and then yes okay it was either the towel thing or when they let the or
when the scale is still doing that jiggly thing because they're using that. They use a scale for the UFC championship fight
that's from my high school.
Wait, where you just like the iron ball
and you move it over?
And the thing is still like moving.
And he goes, 184.4.
And they're like, okay.
And then just everything moves along.
And you hear somebody go,
he lost six tenths of a pound in an hour. And they just, everything moves along. And you hear somebody go, he lost six tenths of a pound in an hour.
And they go,
yep.
And they just keep things moving along.
They do it all the time.
What is the towel trick?
They just hide the display and go,
I did it.
You're really trying to cut it close
and get that extra decimal.
So you make championship weight.
You'll disrupt complete.
You want to be balls out naked.
And so they put a privacy towel around you.
If you bring your hand down and put any pressure down on that towel,
you want your boys to pull it taut, taut as fuck.
So when you put a little pressure, it's not visible.
But with your thumbs barely touching them or the towel,
you can take significant amounts of weight.
Zach, can you find the Daniel Cormier towel picture?
A trigger pull, for example, on a lot of guns
is a pound or two pounds that you're pulling.
It's five pounds on New York City Glocks, I've heard,
that they tune them up so they don't waste
as many burrito-carrying civilians.
It's not working.
So taking a few ounces off is just a little wiggle, wiggle here.
There it is.
This is the towel trick.
This guy missed weight by
two, three pounds, something like that.
So he puts his hand, he takes
his underwear off, so now they have to bring the towel
out for his privacy. And you
can see he's taken a pound off
or two or three to make
weight by holding the towel.
That's clever. I like that.
It's an old wrestling trick. It depends
if you like him. If you like him, you're like, that's a veteran move. If you hate him, you're like, that's clever. I like that. He just wants... It's an old wrestling trick. It depends if you like him.
Like, if you like him, you're like, that's a veteran move.
If you hate him, you're like, he's clearly cheating.
Cheating.
Yeah, that's definitely cheating.
Because one of two... He could have been...
He's clearly too big to fight in the weight class.
That's what you just proved.
Too fat.
And if he'd kept...
Yeah.
Well, presumably, but we can't give him the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe he's just too powerful.
Maybe he just slabbed on some extra muscle.
I'm not going to deny my eyes.
I can see the man's too fat for 205.
I'm sitting here doing a podcast.
I'm skinnier than he is right now.
Of course.
On weigh-in day.
He's a butter bean he's a he's he looks like uh in charlie and the chocolate factory
when that bitch uh got turned into a blueberry dc is always like 10 of the way to becoming a
violet beauregard yeah you shouldn't know that character's name why don't you know
because because you know violet well i know violet but how do you know her last name? She changes colors.
Is she the one that chews the gum continuously?
Yes.
Yeah, I think she's the gum-chewing bitch.
I think they got to remake shit.
You know, they just remade it again.
With another Johnny Depp one?
Yeah. No, of course not. No, a whole new different thing.
Oh, well, see, they waited like 100 years
in between the first and the second one, and then they waited like six years between the second and the third one
i don't like that how about a new story about an eccentric candy making pedophile
how about that who who sends children through a horrifying internal tunnel with scary things
phased onto the wall and threatening music.
That scene scared me.
When they go through that tunnel,
if you're paying attention,
it is a very unsettling scene. His performance
is a big part of it.
He's talking you through the creepy tunnel
as you go.
It's scary music.
Well, I gotta go
put some furniture together.
Alright, I got dinner waiting
for me. PKN 479.