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BKN499
You've been hiding all day, Kyle?
Yeah, I can barely see him
He's just a floating head
Been getting drop shipped into
Malevolon Creek
On suicide difficulty
And those robots, they've been coming for me
With their red glowing eyes
And just merciless
Some of them have chainsaws instead of arms
And they're gigantic, so they take tons
Your whole magazine
Are you dreaming about Helldivers yet? Not yet, but it's coming Some of them have chainsaws instead of arms, and they're gigantic, so they take your whole magazine.
Are you dreaming about Helldivers yet?
Not yet, but it's coming.
I try to watch some Land Before Time or something right before bed, so I dream about friendly cartoon dinosaurs. I was watching Kyle play yesterday.
I was playing AoE, and I had Kyle stream up, and he and the gang are running around playing Helldivers.
stream up and he and the gang are running around playing hell divers and there were a couple times that like i'd look over and seemed like kyle was doing a really good job killing the aliens and
then he would just explode out of nowhere yeah in a way that it doesn't seem like it was a skill
issue it's not like it was going bing bing bing bing bing and then kyle ignored it it's just like
man this is going wet bang just yeah that's part of the charm of the game, I think, in that you are this expendable team
where many, many times you don't need to survive the mission.
You just need to get the thing done.
So you'll drop down to this planet and it's like,
upload the data or pump the fuel or whatever.
You do the fetch quest at once and it will all die.
And I'll be like, damn.
And it'll go, mission accomplished.
Oh, you don't
have to survive to win you no no you get some bonus points or whatever but but like it doesn't
give a shit i mean the difficulty we play on is called suicide mission already so they understand
we don't make it dude i have the opposite story you're on a suicide mission it's hard to win
etc etc i'm playing colin in mortal, right? And neither of us are good.
This is not a tale of two champions facing off.
But he doesn't block.
He never, ever heckin' blocks.
And I'm like, this is a weakness I can obviously exploit.
So I mostly fight him with my big special moves and fireballs and et cetera.
But if the going gets rough, I get close and just give him like medium
powered punches so quickly he can't walk away and he never ever blocks ever you can juggle in that
game can you you like throw the enemy into the air and keep them like like they just stay in the air
so i'm not that good at it but maybe i'll figure that out anyway so i'm just like i'm going to
abuse this kid's lack of blocking until he learns to block here this is this is parenting people
anyway it turns out he's trying to block and he's like dad it won't block i'm like it's right
trigger he's like it just won't block dad stop kicking me it won't block and i'm like right trigger bitch not like that but yeah
anyway check it out afterwards he's using this scuff controller where the trigger doesn't move
all the way and he's putting french flaking with a broken controller it's got it's got those like
hair triggers that you can dial in and it's either dialed all the way in or not or so far out that
you can't even depress it or maybe it's pressure sensitive in some games now so you need the full range of motion anyway
that's it i like to imagine like you're still barely winning sometimes sometimes yeah i i
like basically when i get into trouble i exploit his weakness and now i realize I'm exploiting his you're lucky I gave you a punch button boy get back in there
keep kicking
those fighting
games are it seems like
getting into them would be so difficult
because you watch a clip
of someone who knows what they're doing
and it's like oh so if I make one mistake against
them it's like playing in Super Smash Bros
Melee Kyle mentioned like keeping someone in the
air like good players like they hit you in the air and then you'll just never hit the ground again
like they will just keep you in the air when we went to colorado i played smash for the first
time ever and uh so one of the one of the guys there was zt um he's the guy who died in a
motorcycle accident a few months later but um he was playing us 1 v2ing us and he would juggle one of us while the
other one tried to get back on the map on the other side and then he the one he was juggling
he'd throw that one off the mountain and then go and get the one who had recovered and so we one of
us was always off the map just trying to get our toenails dug into earth again and the other was
always just just some sort of crazy combo that
we couldn't even understand because we don't know how to play the fucking game oh yeah it's so
frustrating to play smash against someone who knows what they're doing because they'll be like
oh i'm gonna use donkey kong and in your head you're like oh donkey kong i know enough to know
he's not like an s-tier character but i I think Donkey Kong is just a character that players have fun with
because he has an ability where he can like grab you and throw you down.
And usually you're throwing them and bouncing them off the map,
like,
and then they can kind of recover.
They're going up.
If you're really good,
you can like punch them a couple of times,
stall them out,
grab them,
then do some sort of side jump where you're both floating off the map.
Then you throw them off the map straight down. So's no recovery and then they magic when i try that
my donkey kong falls to his death soon after but they somehow triple jump double jump off your head
yeah yeah you got to keep in mind what the maps are pretty much all islands floating in floating
island yeah yeah my daughter's boyfriend is good at the game, but he's kind of... He's actually a very good
gamer, but he's kind enough not to
like...
Yeah, he doesn't rub it in. That's all.
He'll let you think you've got
a chance.
Maybe you'll win
one out of three. He's letting you get to
like 200%
on his character. You do a lot of damage
and then he brings the hammer down or maybe he
lets you get a punch in here there even like goofy games we play super mario party superstar
something like that it's a party game and it's silly and there's a big luck component in it yeah
but he has all the angles figured out and like he knows how to win the mini games. And he knows how to make all the smart decisions.
I don't know how many maps there are.
But he's memorized them all.
So he knows when he's closest to the stars or whatever.
And he's just barely trying and doing well all the time.
That's a frustrating game.
So many of my memories.
There's no middle ground in my Mario Party memories between
absolute joy and mirth and
total dejection because it's
either like you
show up to all the stars first
seemingly and Kyle have you played Mario Party
no so you're on a
it's a board game basically there's a
bunch of random you know you do a role
and then hopefully you come across
Toad and Toad can give you, you do a roll and then hopefully you come across Toad
and Toad can give you a star for a price.
And then after Toad gives you a star,
he teleports to a random point on the map.
Or to me, it always seemed random.
I guess this guy knows.
And so if you're like two spaces behind me
and you've been angling to get to Toad for a while
and you roll a two and I roll a six,
I not only steal the star you were going to have,
which is like the big metric by which you win,
you also might now be,
instead of on the cusp of getting a star,
you are a million miles from it.
It's beyond frustrating.
And if you play against someone
who knows how to play the mini games,
you're fucked.
Because they'll be like, oh, bumper balls.
And then you have to be on this little rotating platform
where you bump into each other on balls and try and knock them into the sea
and i didn't know there were tactics in this but there are yeah dude my son heckin like kyle's it
like okay we'll go to the fish store he goes straight to the chairs opens his phone and starts
studying mario party superstar tactics so that the next time we
play he's a little better informed yeah that that's what kyle would do i did that with pokemon
i remember buying or i mean i was eight so my grandma buying for me the pokemon blue pokemon
red guide and like flipping through it and in my head having this idea of like i'm gonna fuck up everybody on
the playground now look at this there's a chart here that says all like what all the different
types of pokemon are good against like we i wasn't allowed on the fucking family computer it was just
my dad's work computer in the 90s and so all of that information was like from that book
man good memories i used to just like on road trips read through it did it help you win it did i was in in my first grade class i fucked kids up yeah and my mom she used to go not just
because i had already hit puberty not just because i was still big uh i remember i went my mom used
to go to i was probably seven at the time so fresh to pokemon but all i did was think about pokemon
and she went to curves
you know that workout place for for women i don't even know if it's still around but she would take
you ate curves that'd be so funny you just you just and the rest of your monitors are all just
curves terrible terrible investment terrible investment all these fat bitches so much purple
workout equipment uh there was a daycare in the curves
and so she would like drop us off there and it would be all the other kids of the the workout
moms and the kids there had their own little clan of like you'd go and then you'd play pokemon
against each other everyone would bring their game boys i'd actually kind of look forward to
going there and there were kids who'd be like like it wasn't you know this there's no
way this was standard pokemon battles because there were kids who were like i've got a charizard
and a venusaur and a uh a blastoise and it's like whoa this guy's got all three of the starters
that means his mom must have bought him a second game boy and two games so he could trade it over
this kid's loaded and i would win you would bet pokemon cards sometimes and be like i bet you
up my my holofoil nido king to your blastoise in this game at that in our battle and the winner
gets both of them and i remember once feeling like a genius being like yeah i'll battle you
for it but i just have like a a charmander a squirtle a a bulbasaur, a Rattatat, a Pidgey.
I'm naming all these low-tier bad Pokemon.
And so this kid thinks he's got it easy.
Didn't mention I had prevented evolution on all of them.
So I was telling the truth, but they were all max stat level 100.
And so I rolled this kid.
And if I recall, I either saved my own Holofoil Nidoking promotional card
or I got his.
So it was a big day in 1997.
I don't have that card to this day.
Don't have any of it.
It was all damaged in flood water in a basement.
That's what they told you.
They wanted you to get a new hobby.
No, I saw the...
You think that my dad lied to me about that?
Yeah, your dog went to a farm.
You think he caused all that damage in the basement?
I got two serious pieces of bad news.
Well, your dog had to go live on a farm, and there was a flood.
I know it was a freak storm that didn't happen at our house.
There was a flood, and it flooded all of your Pokemon cards.
Selectively.
Also, your baton that you've been twirling so much after school,
that was also completely destroyed. My dad would have been like, all that gay shit, your Lord of the you've been twirling so much after school, that was also completely destroyed.
My dad would have been like, all that gay shit, your Lord of the Rings cards, all that nonsense.
Yeah, it's all ruined now.
Sorry.
Sorry, homo.
Kyle, you know that YouTube channel you recommended to me about a week ago?
It had sci-fi stories.
Yeah.
It might be called that.
Yeah.
There's at least three of them.
Anyway, that one was really long it was like eight videos or maybe it was eight parts but five videos whatever it was youtube
now is like oh this dude fucking loves ai reading sci-fi stories loves it so yeah just like can't
get enough so it gave me more dude dude, I am hooked now.
I am hooked.
A lot of the stories follow the same structure in that humans are very good at war, very badass, and very courageous.
That all the other beings, aliens, races, etc., They think they're tough, but once they go up against...
It just turns out
that humans are basically brothers that have been
fighting each other since they learned to walk.
These other guys
who haven't been in a fight
just don't understand how dirty
tactics get, how overwhelmed...
A society that values weapons.
Yeah, it's like they've...
They're noobs at war because they never fought amongst themselves as they
evolved.
But like so many times they're either herbivores or they're a hive mind
where like everybody just gets along.
And so like fighting another race,
it's just,
they've never done that.
And so often their tactics are wrong or often they just,
they're like,
Oh no,
no,
that would be a suicide mission.
We wouldn't do that. And it's like, the humans don't think that way. They're like oh no no that would be a suicide mission we wouldn't do
that it's like the humans don't think that way they're like no you hurt our babies we're coming
for you all of you and they're like all right you got us let's uh let's figure out this surrender
tactic and they're like no we're coming for all of you all of you we told you before you hurt the
children that if you hurt the children, we're glassing your planet.
And then they go and hurt the children anyway.
And the humans are like, all right.
Midway through, they ask for some mercy.
And every single time, the humans are like, fuck around and find out.
Dude, I watched one day.
It brought me to tears.
Basically, it was that story.
They all follow the same structure.
And I did really have tears.
I'm like, I hope no one walks in this room but uh humans were a middling race they saved another race as babies 25 of them they had 800 deaths saving these 25
kids but the race that they saved was really grateful and they sort of on the down low gave
them a lot of tech all right fast forward
like 200 years you know this one too oh yeah and uh all the other races are really not into humans
they're trading with them but they're not letting them in this intergalactic nato so then the hive
comes these insects and these insects are brutal and nato meets them with 2 000 ships they
escape with a thousand left meanwhile of the 6 000 they attacked with they lost like a hundred
and and one good one so it's a problem this race who gave the humans tech calls for help and nato's
like yeah you know what well give me your own troops back but we don't want to fuck with these guys again they're too scary and the humans are like we're coming and uh the aliens
are like can we get like an update like they're gonna be here in five days and they're like sit
tight we're coming anyway the aliens the insects all they've ever said is like give and leave
those are like those they come to your planet and they say, give and leave.
And if you don't, they wreck you.
So with the humans, they just said, leave.
And they sent back a video of humans on Earth burning a hive alive as all the wasps ran away in flames.
And they're laughing and chortling and they just
think it's the fucking funniest thing to watch the the high and then they add we're coming
anyway humans not the least bit fucking scared of these guys and obviously they wreck house they
save the planet and um and have their way with the bad guys and it's it's just i am loving this
brain candy of humans good we can destroy all the other
races in the universe there's one where um as you join like that by the one the one the the one you
just mentioned is one of my favorites it's ongoing right now um i like that one a lot um but there's
there's one where like when you join the intergalactic nato or whatever you like pick
like a title or like a little motto
like what are your people up to so you'll be like wow we're the califrax we're we're the ones who
fight and like we're the juju bees we're the ones who conquer and this one race they're like
the marzipan but they're we're the ones who um who um what was it? Knock.
Like destroy or something like that.
And the humans are like, we're the ones who run.
And oh, okay.
So they got a reputation, I guess, for being cowards.
Because also it seemed like humans were really into appeasement. They would always negotiate, negotiate, negotiate.
Always not wanting to fight.
And so the marzipan people make war on the humans eventually.
And after the end of the exhausting war, like, oh, no, that was a translation error.
We're not the ones who run.
We're the ones who pursue.
See, our ancestors were persistence hunters.
We would just pick a buffalo and chase it until it died.
And that's what we're going to do to you.
And they just follow them from system to system.
And they're just dying a little as they go.
And at the end, there's just one member of the royal family.
And he lands on a planet that has ion storms.
So no matter what, it's a one-way trip.
If you go down there, they're like, come get me.
You never will.
And,
but they do anyway.
Not only do they send a guy to get him,
whoop his ass and tie him up,
but they spend a decade inventing the technology to land on the ion planet and get him back so that they can do stuff to him.
It's a,
it's fun.
They're all really spiteful in the end.
Usually it seems like I haven't listened to any of this but it seems like
all the stories humans end up being the best at war yeah recurring theme it seemed but usually
not by having sometimes we have the best weapons but oftentimes it's just a dog in relentlessness
that helps us do well kyle i cut you off no. No, that's about it. Yeah, pretty much what you said.
And they're all,
some of them are AI created, I'm sure,
but a lot of them are Reddit writing responses
that they then throw on some pretty space pictures
that are somewhat relevant
and then have AI read.
Have you messed around with AI story structure?
I haven't at all,
but I think that might be interesting to be like,
give me the plot of a serial killer psychological thriller with at least four twists and just see what it does
the police at every turn and it needs to be realistic i'm not going to do these things
in the style of martin scorsese do this yeah although i haven't looked at that i was going
to say the oscars happened did you see
john cena come out completely naked i did that i didn't see what he did after he got on reddit
you think he got his pump on in the back he's somehow bigger than i thought he would be his
arms are like baffling he is his frame like when you draw his shadow, he is so big in circumference.
Is he really tall, too?
No, I don't think so.
Pro wrestlers, though, they tend to be big.
I bet he's like 6'6", 1", or something like that.
I don't think he's colossal.
Okay.
But he's ridiculously shaped.
And he's an older guy now, too.
6'1", you're right.
But he came out holding nothing but the card over his dick.
That was pretty funny. What did he do then? How did he read the card? I didn't watch the rest of it. I just but the card over his dick. That was pretty funny.
What did he do then?
How did he read the card?
I didn't watch the rest of it.
Me neither.
He held the card there, and I think he's presenting the best award.
He goes, wardrobe.
And then the gift comes.
Because that's the punchline.
He was presenting the award for wardrobe.
Noob.
Okay.
I just saw the photo of it and was like, holy shit.
That guy's monstrous.
He has a skin-colored cup on.
Keeping it classy.
A lot of people there watching.
Skin-colored cup.
So you think he's natty?
What is he like?
55?
He's a great guy though i like that guy
he does a lot of like charity work and a lot of work with like sick kids all the time there was
that one autistic kid from ukraine that that like i think his parents didn't want to explain they
didn't know what to explain to their kid that the russians are invading we have to leave ukraine
so they said uh we're going to see john cena yeah don't cry we're going to see John Cena. Yeah, don't cry. We're going to see John Cena.
Come on, pack your shit.
And like fled to Poland.
And I guess John Cena heard about it and was like, he is going to see John Cena.
And like showed up at the house and everything.
It's pretty cool.
That's like, I don't know if you should lie about that off the start.
Because they had no way of knowing that John Cena was going to show up and make that kid's weekend or whatever.
No, they didn't.
I guess they were pretty, really. That's high risk. Banking a lot on. He was going to show up and make that kid's weekend or whatever. No, they didn't. I guess they were pretty really high risk.
Banking a lot on.
He was going to get over it, though.
You know, a couple of hot dogs and a couple of hot dogs.
Little WWE on TV.
You buy him like a shirt and like watch some WWE like, yeah, you don't get to meet.
Maybe buy him some tickets.
Maybe go to.
We're going to an event next year.
If the war stops, we can do that.
They told the lie and the lie came true.
It's the if you build it, they will there you go nothing wrong with that did you guys ever watch uh
professional wrestling we've talked about this a bit before like like i when i was four or five
i would watch it with my grandpa a little bit but i had no way of comprehending what i was even
looking at you know what i mean and then later on i sort of enjoyed this is when i'm like 20 25 i enjoyed watching the montages of
the rock and people like that on youtube i like that part i like little montages of their best
bits on the microphone but when they start wrestling i click and change to the next thing
because that all those antics even if it's an impressive stunt where they're clearly doing backflips
from very high and there's ladders and, oh, that hurts.
I don't want to see that shit.
I don't care.
You're fake fighting.
That's cool.
I get you're telling a story, but that part of it's lost on me.
I do like when they rant and rave on the mic.
The Rock in particular was good.
Hulk was good.
Ric Flair might be the best.
Stone Cold Steve Austin with the beer cans and spitting in people's faces.
When Hulk Hogan went Hollywood Hulk Hogan and reinvented himself
and he's spray painting on people's faces.
And Vince McMahon, who turns out to be a real deviant, I guess, was amazing.
He'd give his body every inch of the way.
Maybe he asked those ladies to do some things they didn't want to do,
but he was out there taking those licks, too.
He was taking chairs from the face.
He was jumping around.
If the guy at the top of the organization is willing to sacrifice his body like that,
then shouldn't everyone on the way down be able to do what it takes with their body
to make the organization successful?
I bet he'd use stuff like that.
Lead from the front.
He'd be in the bedroom like,
have you ever taken a folding chair to the face
from Bam Bam Bigelow?
Coming from Bam Bam Bigelow.
You can handle it.
You can handle a cock.
If I could take a chair to the face from Bam Bam Bigelow,
you can handle a cock.
Bam Bam Bigelow is
a real guy.
Oh, he died in 2007. R.I.P. R.I.P. to Bam Bam Bigelow is a real guy oh he died in 2007 RIP
Bam Bam Bigelow
yeah you can tell from this guy's body
that he was going to die
Trump's the man look at that
he doesn't look
if you're a democrat or an anti-Trump
or whatever that spectrum is
it's been a good week for you
he's bald there look at the over the top anti-Trump or whatever that spectrum is, it's been a good week for you.
He's bald there.
Look at the over-the-top theater-style acting.
It's something that's always fun. You've got to emote.
You're on a stage.
Yeah, you have to emote because they're doing theater.
Every time I see Vince McMahon's face in these,
it's so emotive, so over-the-top.
It's funny.
Who was that guy, the black guy on the right,
who was really well-built?
I have no idea. I'd wagered a professional wrestler that's bobby lashley i don't know that name damn yeah i knew i knew that one jack didn't help me
at all bobby lashley alive good for him yeah no it's been a bad week for Trump. Not only did I guess he say some more shit about that lady with three names,
which maybe they sue him again,
but also they want their money from the other time still,
that 80 mil or whatever it is.
And then New York wants its half bill.
Let's just round up.
And then Biden, I think, got a bump in the polls.
I'm sure he did.
He did, yeah.
It was a very good performance.
And on top of that, I haven't seen it because I don't care to,
but the Republican response from that Alabama representative housewife lady
is apparently cringy and so bad that even the Republicans were like,
they picked a female representative from the state of alabama to do the the republicans response to
the state of the union usually you pick like a fucking fast talking ready to fucking nail them
to the wall and each and every point along the way and get people fired up with a crowd around
you kind of guy and they this lady's around her kitchen table which by the way her kitchen just
round just in my head like an eighty thousand dollar kitchen all right we're we're bad optics
what are we what are we doing here you know what i mean undercut it i think i heard the refrigerator
was 30 grand yeah she has two of them woody she pulled up if the fridge is 30 what's the kitchen
like if you told me you had a $30,000 bathroom,
I wouldn't guess the whole bathroom was only $80,000.
Maybe it's $30,000 fridge sounds impossible to me,
so maybe it's two 15s.
Because I know she has the matching...
I'm sure you guys have seen it.
It's the fridges whose doors look like the cabinets.
It's all like...
She had two of those.
Dude, just like three, four years ago,
Nancy Pelosi got shit on
because she did a
video with her fifty thousand dollar fridge like how do you not learn from that it's a bad look
like it's a bad look hey maybe uh maybe we shouldn't show our fucking incredible thousand
dollar kitchen yeah they're so wealthy that the average voter can't even fucking comprehend
yeah the money like let's. She was terrible, terrible.
It just looked fake.
So all the Republicans, it feels like
their biggest knock on Biden is he took
a Red Bull or something.
It's basically accusing him of cheating, which is
the fondest compliment you can give
a gamer.
Then their response was equally
terrible. Just so bad.
She was over the top.
In the same sentence, she'd go from big smiles to near tears and back to big smiles again.
It looked fake and creepy.
And she was kind of pretty.
She's a rising star in the Republican Party.
They often give the State of the Union response to a rising star.
And I guess it's a hard job because they fumble it a lot.
Marco Rubio did terribly
what was his name vindel or something vivek not not vivek ramaswamy robbie jindal something close
to that yeah it must be him he fouled it up and now she fouled it up and it's become this like
almost republican tradition of fucking up this response you want someone who was on the debate
team at fucking whatever school your daddy went to whoever legacied you into harvard like you want to be
you want a guy who is ready on the fly he's like to equally like um support the point or attack it
you know like like at any point all of the talking points it's not that hard there aren't that many
there aren't that many we could sit here and name
the like the core talking points and the things without even knowing before biden's speech we
could have been all right we need a gun control response he's gonna say this that and the other
we need a whole thing framed around that that's and then immigration this every she was a terrible
speaker where she messed up all her points and acted weird.
And the core of her speech was kind of a lie.
She talked about this immigrant who came over and raped this person and how we need to improve Biden's immigration policies.
But that happened under W, not Biden.
It's a really old story.
Talked about that story instead of that girl who was like literally just murdered by an illegal.
Right. Is that the one that Marjorie that girl who was like literally just murdered by an illegal. Right.
Is that the one that Marjorie Taylor Greene was screaming about?
That's the one that Biden called.
Lakin Riley, I think is right.
And Biden got her name wrong, called her Lincoln.
It sounded more like Lincoln.
And then Biden called an illegal immigrant and then biden's apology afterward was for
saying illegal immigrant and that they built this country no apology to the family he just
called her an illegal is what he called her yeah there's nothing wrong with that they are like
yeah and then they they called him on it and his first response was well
she wasn't supposed to be or he wasn't here legally. And then later on, he apologized for that,
which I think is a bad look.
He should have just doubled and tripled
and quadrupled down like Trump would.
Yeah, the first take I saw,
there was an aircraft engine running in the background,
and he was like, do I apologize?
No, I don't apologize.
Not supposed to be here.
Like, so he said it like that.
He should have stuck with that.
Yeah, he should have stuck with that.
But he backed off of that and then um
oh trump said he's gonna cut medicare and social security and now that's getting a lot of attention
it's not a good way to win elections yeah yeah but he can just be like nah all right
seemed like you guys didn't like that idea okay whatever i don't care
his party's already backtracked the biden's already running ads his party's already backtracked the biden's already running his party's already backtracked
from that which is a bad look again now he's doing what biden did with the legal
but biden's running ads playing trump saying he's gonna cut it so yeah i wonder the effectiveness
of political ads anymore and where they're played i I guess, because I don't see them.
And I don't know if y'all see them.
I don't listen to the radio very much.
It's much less effective than they used to be.
They have to be, but I don't know where the money goes.
I'm sure, isn't it a billion every year that gets spent?
Like half a bill each team or something like that?
Every four years. Or maybe it's a bill each team or each cycle or whatever.
It's a huge sum.
But where does it go anymore?
Radio?
You know where it should go?
YouTube ads.
That's where they should invest their money.
I mean, you should invest on this show.
Dude, I would love if Trump threw some money behind our show
and we had to read pro-Trump ads.
That would be so funny.
Make me read them.
Dude, I'd read a fucking Biden ad.
I'd be like, I don't give a shit.
You used to say, if the money's there,
we don't care, right?
On the placard behind.
It's fine.
I would care a little.
Yeah, we do care a little.
Dude, that Haitian guy who's eating people
could pay me.
And I'd be like,
general barbecue is what's right for Haiti.
Is there a Haitian man eating people you didn't hear about all the cannibalism going on in haiti you're kidding me right so so just for everyone's sake um haiti has fallen and the gangs and
prisoners have taken it over but you're telling me there's a there's a cannibal problem as well
on top of the other stuff yes yeah it's a bit of the nightmare in haiti can't win can't
get a win haiti no so huge huge losses like one cannibal like one hungry fellow or are we talking
about like a serial cannibalization apparently a serial issue of cannibalization going on jesus
christ there's a gang leader whose name is barbecue i told you his name is barbecue this is like all that new vegas shit like are you serious yes how do you guys not know this
are they the fiends did the fiends take over fucking they're eating people i saw a clip today
i was scrolling through twitter and i'm trying to find like like the stuff i interact with there's
like hockey highlights and jokes and Age of Empires stuff.
And there's a clip of a dude who's almost dead having his penis bitten off.
And I'm like, no!
And then the guy is standing over him eating it like, yes.
You saw a man eat another guy's dick.
I saw it quite literally.
Yeah.
I mean, I've seen that.
It was disgusting.
Don't judge.
Scrolled past that quickly.
And he looked happy to be doing the eating?
The eater was overjoyed.
Couldn't have been happier.
Christmas morning on his face.
I'm not following this.
Is Jimmy Chizar barbecue?
I believe that might be his name.
I think he found an actual barbecue restaurant.
He's the leader of the notorious g9 and family gang and he says he's ready to make an alliance with the devil he's
ready to sleep in the same bed as the devil as he destroys police stations and other government
facilities yeah damn dude the the names of like these warlords I was reading, like number one, warlord named Barbecue eating his enemies.
There was also a warlord named Mosquito,
and he had a rival warlord who named himself Mosquito Spray.
That's great.
It is bananas, what's going on in Haiti.
Mosquito Spray.
They do not have it together it plus or minus plus or minus
100 million how much aid do we say hopefully none hopefully just i know the answer play out
it's already we already sent them i'm gonna guess i'm gonna guess 100 million
that's not allowed wait it was a plus or minus 100 million yes you have to say plus or minus
wait no you have to give us a number 100 million is like the zero on the fucking roulette key
well zero is the zero right so i'm choosing 100 million that covers between zero and 200 i'll take
the over on that then if that's the line plus the answer now do you actually know why what happened 30 million
130 million that we are sending to haiti and i hope that they hope it doesn't go to barbecue
i hope it doesn't oh it's going right to barbecue what do you think happens when you send money to
a place run by warlords and chieftains it's immediately what was wrong with my guess i
don't know what rule did i break well so i picked an over and under, and you said exactly the middle.
Oh, I thought plus or minus 100 million in my mind meant guess within 100 million.
Like try to come within 100 million.
I think that's what plus or minus means.
Maybe I phrased it poorly then.
Well, in any case, we're sending him some money.
I'm glad we are because, I mean, you don't want like a escape from New York style island down there.
You want a prosperous Caribbean nation.
Caribbean, right?
Yeah.
But I mean, like Haiti's never been a prosperous year.
Why?
Just give it to the DR.
I don't know.
They seem better now.
The Dominican is like not letting any Haitians in.
It's the same island.
It's the same island, right?
The Dominicans want nothing to do with Haiti.
It's this little crooked island or fingery island,
and half of it is the Dominican Republic,
that place where those dark-skinned hotties come from
and you go on vacations if you're cheap.
Baseball players?
Just cross.
What kind of wall must they have?
A well-guarded one.
Zach, find the border wall between the Dominican Republic and Haiti.
I bet there's cannons on top.
I bet there's one dude with a clipboard on a dirt road.
It is a minefield.
I was reading that the Dominican Republic is like,
we are not accepting anyone.
Like, no, you can't come here.
Aw, shucks.
You're going to come here, and then you're going to eat us.
We do not want any of your nonsense over here.
Ruining our baseball development programs and beaches.
Well, that's the construction.
It looks like they're honestly for Haiti.
That's some impressive shit.
They're putting rebar in their concrete.
They're about.
I think this is the Dominican side.
Well, let's say it.
OK.
I'm looking at the wall.
That's effective. Oh, that's better than the one
i saw the one i saw is like three feet tall yeah it doesn't work they're tall you don't have to be
that tall to scale a three foot wall yeah at least three feet you can just jump i could scale a six
or eight foot wall i think yeah look at that i guess it depends what it's made out of
too you know that was barbed wire up there i like walls i like i always enjoy tower defender games
so i like the idea of sort of defense there's a there's a play style like that at a hell divers
game you can call down a bunch of sentry guns and minefields and shit everybody hates it everybody
hates it because i when i call this thing down and it spins and then clusters minds
everywhere and friendly fire is oh yeah oh yeah so there's just a minefield that no one's expecting
while they it's it's a bit like nazi zombies you'll be training a huge amount of scary shit
behind you and you're really hoping that the way ahead is going to be clear you can juke some but
a minefield really throws a wrench in the gears so everybody hates the minefield i'll hear the other guy with his so many gamers have
speech impediment god damn minefield
it's uh i'm digging that game a lot and i i wish that there was more satire um i don't feel like
there's enough.
One thing that's interesting is they seem to
have a dungeon master running
the overall Galactic War.
My understanding of it is they currently
have an event where they pick the
four planets that are at the
border planets.
Further back is super infested and this
way is home systems.
We're gassing all four of those planets and i say when i say we i mean the entire hell divers half million player community
so the goal is to gas those planets enough times that the gas eradicates all the bugs so
there's a little ticker running and it goes out to like four or five decimal places.
And you barely make an impact when you go down there and gas the planet.
But there's so many people gassing the planet.
The number's moving rapidly on all four planets.
So everyone's trying to gas all those planets.
Oh,
that's cool.
Yeah.
So how does the, the dungeon master?
So it's just a guy who's kind of coming up with the storyline as it goes.
That's good.
That's good to have a central dude in charge of that so that it kind of stays on tracks instead of them
you know i guess losing the core it seems like it's almost story based then the only thing that
flies completely in the face of you being this expendable asset by the way the training mission
is oh my god it might be 45 seconds long. It's like, here's how you shoot.
Here's how you dive.
And here's how you crawl.
And then like confetti goes off and you step out in a cape and a suit.
You're like, you're ready.
And at first you don't get how absurd that is because you haven't seen the enemy yet.
You're like, yeah, I'm ready.
All right. how absurd that is because you haven't seen the enemy yet. You're like, yeah, I'm ready. Alright. And then
there are spiders that are the size
of a skyscraper
right away.
I wasn't ready at all
for any of this shit. So despite all that,
you have your own battleship that
you can just warp to each planet
in. And so it's kind of
neat that when we're... What's your ship name?
The Sword of the People. I am the only person who did we're what's your ship name the sort of the people
i am the only person who did not choose to name my ship the wings of redemption
which is more interesting woody than you would think because basically you have two sliders
one is the first part of the name and one is the second part of the name you don't get the input
stuff it's just it'll be like the sword of unity i'm sure that's available like lots of descriptives and lots of objects or whatever
and um everyone that i know has sent me a hey guess what my ship's name i'm like the wings
of redemption of course it's the wings of redemption i know you're all in the wings
of redemption i'm sure there's streamers hey i'm on the wings of redemption i know you're all in the wings of redemption i'm sure there's streamers
hey i'm on the wings of redemption it's roomy in here huh like everybody's everybody's yeah i don't
i get it's the sort of the people he transcends his own fame he does he does i wonder how he's
doing i haven't heard from him in a bit no idea he actually reached out to me when i told that
fainting story said i should go to a bunch of people reached out to me when i told that fainting story said i should go
to a bunch of people reached out to me i was like i didn't ask any of you people for your opinion
yeah that's why kyle and i didn't encourage you to go to the doctor at all he's an adult
he can handle his own shit yeah you know i said what i said he He heard it, and that's that. He's a grown man. You know who nags?
You know who nags, Taylor? Women.
Women nags.
He's made a man decision about
himself. Another man.
What do you do when you have seizures in your bathroom?
Well, what do I do?
Well, it's irrelevant, Taylor.
Because Woody is the one having the seizures
in his bathroom. what would he do
is paramount in this scenario first thing i do is try well but he can only remember the one seizure
taylor it does that does that bother you not a bit i didn't have a single seizure myself
that's what they say about seizures is if you just move past it that's it you're done
that's a teddy roosevelt uh way you know he talked about how he cured his asthma
um and i'm thinking as people just grow out asthma and some people have mild asthma but i'm sure like
later on in life he'd see somebody who's so asthmatic they could barely survive because it was
olden times and he fucking pussy i like, oh, fucking pussy, I killed
my asthma with vigorous activity
and mountain air and
killing Mexicans.
Dude, I saw a picture of
18-year-old Teddy Roosevelt the other day.
Oh my god, I'll never be that much man.
Dude, he was a looker.
I don't think of him as a looker. No, he was a handsome guy.
He was on Reddit, right?
Like a beefy, muscular,
just all.
And when you see somebody from in a black and white photo,
who's beefy and like big and muscular and you know,
they're a hundred percent natty.
And not only that,
but like,
I don't know,
like,
like they didn't have protein powder or anything.
Like they got nothing.
They got nothing going for them.
They're just eating whatever they ate back then,
but doing something different than everybody else or just they're genetically a specimen i made him as
fdr is the one i'm talking about now i saw one where he's like was it the one i saw he's shirtless
and maybe has a mustache or maybe mutton chops too like a crazy old timey and he looks a little
sweaty and he's sitting in a chair like that, but he's wearing shorts, I think.
This is the one that showed up when I searched
18-year-old Teddy Roosevelt.
Show this one
to me, Zach.
Yeah, it's Taylor's.
Yeah, it's exactly Taylor's, that one.
He's not as big as I remember.
He's not a looker.
I will say that, but he does look like an imposing
figure. Looks like a professional
at the time wrestler.
I think he's a boxer, right?
He's got Andre the Giant
face. I bet he was a
boxer. People loved boxing back then.
Yeah, show mine. That's
young FDR. Yeah,
that makes sense. Still sitting down
though. Fucking lazy.
He wasn't spending his
walking years well no a lot of sitting get up get out there he looks like an active guy to me
i mean he was thin when he was in the chair you know he's fine john voight played him in a movie
and uh he has that moment where they tell him i said it's impossible the
distance is too far to strike japan and he like muscles his way out of the wheelchair and he's
like never tell me what's possible and then sits down in the chair and then they get to work like
making the thing work it's good to get rid of the japanese uh i think it's called the do little
raid yeah oh i don't know about him getting out of the chair but the first strike on japan was i think it's called the doolittle raid
and the planes they basically they it was a one-way mission yeah but it was like they
wanted to send a message doolittle raid i didn't do much come on i get your point i think it was
like a naval officer named doolittle um But they launched their modified planes off of a short carrier after a lot of retrofitting
and sent them on what was a one-way trip.
They had to fly over and ditch in China, like literally jump out of their planes or crash land
at the end of their journey because there was no way to come back.
It was that much fuel, that much distance.
Did it hit Tokyo?
Could be wrong.
I'm not sure, but I think it was mostly undefended
because they didn't think they were with anybody's range.
We got a surprise on them.
Yeah.
Like Kyle said, it wasn't really a devastating attack,
but it made America feel good.
Like, oh, yeah, you did Pearl Harbor,
but it's not like we did nothing.
We did a little.
We did something little.
It's our do-little raid.
I never even heard of that.
It's the do-little raid.
I didn't know it by name like Kyle does,
but I definitely knew that we counterattacked and flew in
and it was a one-way trip.
I knew the rest.
Well, there's an awful movie if you want the dramatization.
I think it's called Pearl Harbor. Cuba Gooding Jr.'s like a black sailor who like he's a cook or something
and him the other cooks they like you ain't never gonna drive no boat you just keep on
chicken i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna be the captain of one of these boats you don't salute
too and they're having a great time it's the best part of the whole fucking movie and then sure enough pearl harbor happens and somebody's got to get on that big fucking gun
and cuba gooding jr gets on that jr yeah he's like in the planes flying right at him it's a good
scene and then you got to deal with this love triangle between uh who's fucking uh ben affleck
and somebody else and you just don't give a shit at all.
Man, this sounds like a terrible cast.
Ben Affleck
is awful.
Cuba Gooding Jr.
I loved him in Snow Dogs when I was
12.
Holds up. Radio made me laugh.
Still does.
I'm watching
Masters of the Air. Is that what it's called that
apple thing that you guys wisely stop watching why do you you always start like man i fucking
hate this i don't quit on shit i i've read so many books to the end that i didn't enjoy
but here i am again now the 100 who i've learned never met the tuskegee airmen they're not like part of the
history of the 100th i see they have been shoehorned in where they fly one mission with the
100th and now they're all in the uh pow camp together and i guess they're gonna break out
next week there's only one or two episodes left now historically would the nazis house
black people with white people i don't know the answer i had the question too though
apparently hitler like talked to jesse owens after that event and everything and it was roosevelt who
didn't talk to owens that makes sense because i guess we were more racist hitler man of the people yeah hitler's not racist
he wasn't he loved he just loved running did hitler speak much about black people like did
he have a lot no he was pretty singularly focused on jews he didn't like gypsies much
well he dealt with them firsthand yeah no one does no one does look sometimes people get a reputation for a
reason all right not the jews of course that's that's all a huge coincidence huge coincidence
bullies you know you know how bullies will pick the you know the the weak smart cool kid that
that is that is right about everything
exactly so true
about to get a text that says you can keep your bank account
yes just kind of expand all this with that music was
the caller id said voicemail like that's not a clever trick your voicemail doesn't call you
i don't like that either i'd be worried if it did
why don't you why haven't I'd be worried if it did.
Why haven't you checked me in 18 years, Kyle?
There could be something important in here.
They text if it was.
No, Kyle.
It could be.
Shut up, you.
Delete, delete, delete, delete.
I don't check that shit.
I haven't checked my voicemail since.
Phones had screens on them.
If it's important, I will get an email about it.
Or I will get something in the mail about it.
Yeah, for sure.
And even mail.
Get a text message about your taxes.
I hate.
I don't believe you.
I feel like I'm just right too young to appreciate physical mail because I hate it.
85% of it is horseshit scams and the other 15 is like you owe money there's never anything good birthday parties aren't a thing in your
30s anymore last packages are good packages are great but i know those are coming i'm like oh my
god the amazon box my sodas do you do you post things when's the last time you like stuck something in an
envelope stuck a licked a stamp stuck it to it wrote an address on there very carefully and then
stuck it in a mailbox like taxes and that's it's like once a year i do that for taxes and that
actually maybe my lawyer handled it but the last thing would have been paying my fine um because you
know on top of everything it was like a 4500 fine yeah i don't i don't think i've sent anything else
other than taxes and taxes are a good one i forgot about them i i print my taxes out and put a check
in there and put it on paper because there's a theory i don't even know if it's true that it
makes you like more difficult to audit you know if all your stuff is submitted digitally digitally then it can be checked digitally and it's very easy
to you know just do the automatic audit anyway so i'm like i'll fucking hand write my shit if i think
it makes the irs is a little bit more likely to be like fuck this guy anyone digital we can look into
does it have to be in english because i've got a code system i use yeah i submit my taxes and wingdings to answer the question when i was on the tat that
transamerica trail the big 8 000 mile motorcycle ride i sent postcards home just as a you know
well they're easy though no envelope you just drop them in oh they don't count i thought they'd
count for sure it was kind of a pain to me i don't know you gotta buy a stamp you're on a trip
yeah i guess they should come why don't they come self-post'd count for sure. It was kind of a pain to me. You gotta buy a stamp. You're on a trip.
Why don't they come self-posted?
They know what you're gonna do with them.
You're gonna post it, yeah.
That's a bit of a rip-off.
You should just increase the price by 50 cents.
Yeah, that's my invention.
You self-post them. It's required.
They should be self-posted.
I don't know. Maybe then Hallmark is taking a piece the government wants.
I don't know about that.
That's a stupid thing, not having them be self-posted.
Hopefully we can get rid of physical mail
in its entirety other than
Amazon packages.
What about physical money?
You can't have one without the other.
That's my rules.
Oh, well, those are your rules well i do
like physical money it's much easier to avoid overspending on something if you're using physical
money and i know that's so trite and ridiculous but like having like 500 in cash and spending
that on something is so different psychologically than like oh take this card this like distanced
by a couple layers money
that's definitely true it's true with small amounts big amounts are even crazier like i don't
know this is me from like 15 years ago i would order a water with my food like again and again
and again and then every so often like a six thousand dollar bill would come through and you'd
be like ah fucking let's just pay it.
Whatever.
It's like,
that's like seven years of no water with or no like drink with your food.
But somehow like these big numbers,
it's easy to make big mistakes.
Or just,
you're like,
you have to pay your bills or they come and get you with guns eventually.
So you're like,
you click that button,
but you know, like,
like a game console or something.
You're right like
imagine you had a big bag
full of Sacagawea dollars
yeah you had to haul them into
the fucking main stop
alright give me my snowmobile
you might think differently about a
4080 versus a 4090
this is the graphics card
if you paid with real money
but instead like yeah
no whatever that other box i think they're an ounce each i bet those coins are an ounce each
like that just so like 16 to a to a fucking pound i remember being like heavy fucking
you'd have hundreds of pounds i thought that like i remember the commercials of the Sacagawea dollars and in my head because I was like however old I was 10, 11, 12.
Like I thought like it was going to be a national transition to coins over bills.
And I was like, this is pretty cool.
Like this is pretty neat.
I had no idea.
It was like a commemorative thing that no one would see for what?
20 years after that fact. Have you seen coin since people throw them yeah they're in
folders cans across america because people think they've got a collector's item or a gold coin or
something like those maps where people will be like i need the delaware quarter and then they'd
like i wonder if that altered did that do anything for inflation that that so many people stuck those
quarters in those goddamn maps?
What if that was a genius idea from the president at the time?
I can fix inflation.
Trust me.
We make people collect money.
No, we've just created a lot of autistics, unfortunately.
Imagine money no longer a currency, but a collector's item, something you hold on to.
Yeah.
Love it.
I'll still, if I get a quarter in my change change sometimes I'll notice and it'll be like
oh this is a North Dakota
I wonder if this is a rare one
I don't know if it's a common one
yeah and like for me a North Dakota
would be really uncommon
for you maybe less so
I thought they were dispersed
oh I don't think so
I remember getting like a new state
every week
or something like they were releasing a fucking uh i don't know you may you you had kids or do
so like maybe you remember the 101 dalmatians time when like they were put um you don't so
at the happy meals uh at mcdonald's during 101 dalmatians you got their 101 individually named
beanie babies for each of the fucking dogs.
And they were rolling out to the McDonald's like on a daily or weekly basis.
So you had to keep buying Happy Meals if you were going to stay in business.
And I don't know.
I don't remember how that's connected to your thing.
But we ate a lot of chicken McNuggets and hamburgers back then to collect those.
Oh, yeah.
Do you remember the Monopoly?
Oh, yeah. Monopoly pieces. Oh, I played Monopoly all the time. Yeah, I loved it. lot of chicken mcnuggets and hamburgers back then to collect those oh yeah do you remember the monopoly oh yeah only pieces oh i played monopoly all uh yeah i loved i i would be like oh fuck i got park place i'm just a boardwalk away and there's boardwalks in the whole country
yeah that was fun yeah and if i remember correctly that was all um um it's the only time i've ever learned a medium
soda the guy who set up the guy who set up that system was gaming it like it was it was all like
like he gave the winning tokens to somebody and they used it on charity or something if i remember
correctly yeah it ended up being a scam so fuck that piece of shit like like well mcdonald's
wasn't scamming us the guy running the game for mcdonald's was like he didn't want some fucking hick eating his 50th hash brown that week to get it for some reason that's who deserves it
i've talked about this a bunch of times you guys are too young for this but in 1984
mcdonald's did this thing there's like a little sticker on the side of everything the drink the
fries and the burger and you peel it off and it would give you an olympic event
and if they meddled you would get something else like if it was a gold medal you might get all
three a whole nother meal and if it's a bronze medal maybe you just get fries but the fries
came with another sticker well that was the year that like all the soviet union and poland and like
all their countries pulled out so it was just fucking like america and australia
and england or something going for every medal dude you'd order like some fries open that baby
we got a gold in it whole meal coming in now you got three more and it would just like in
perpetuity you could eat as much as you wow as much as you please you're sitting every one like
every event or meddled in every event. That would be fun.
I saw where it was going a little bit viral.
It was a picture of a Five Guys Burgers and Fries receipt.
And it was a small hamburger, a small fry, small drink.
And it was like $24.50 or something.
Damn.
I've heard that their prices have become too high.
For $24.50, even with food prices the way they are, you could buy two pounds of ground beef and five pounds of potatoes and the buns and most of the condiments for $24.50.
You could make enough burgers and fries for 15 people for that, at least.
Yeah, Five Guys has never been that good.
I've probably been there three times ever,
and every time I've been like,
this burger is aggressively un-aesthetic.
It's ugly.
They're smashing it down,
the meat's greasy and sopping into the bottom bun,
compromising the structural integrity. It's a fast food burger.
Okay, well, I mean, everybody's going to say In-N-Out,
and it's the game over there. I've never had In-N-Out. In-N-Out's very good. That's gonna say in and out and it's it's
the game i've never had in and out and that's very good coast i had it two or three times yeah um
there aren't a lot of great i mean culvers i guess they make a for a fast food burger it's
good oh yeah oh regional i was gonna yeah that's a midwest honestly i think hardy's and um um what
carl's jr slash slash Carl's jr is,
is probably one of the more decent fast food,
fast food burgers.
If you don't like burger King,
who makes the Angus burger?
That was a long time.
That was them.
They,
you know what it was called?
The $5 burger.
And the idea was,
this is a fancy fucking burger.
It's a $5 burger.
We sell it for three 89 though.
That was the whole thing.
I remember that.
It was like the, the, the meat wasn't those perfect circles like you get at McDonald's.
It was clearly like a formed patty that had differences around the perimeter, and it hung out over the buns.
It was just like this huge, and it came in a special box, too, right?
It's like you're getting something fancy here.
There was a big condiment.
I think you're advertising Blitz, so I tried it once or twice yeah i liked it and then i found out how many
calories are in it i don't remember the number but it was like double the big mac it was like
a very different thing i was like oh this can't be a regular thing yeah i remember eating those
uh they were fucking good yeah um i remember going yeah that was like my better condiments
like they had good pickles and they had um I don't know, good condiments.
Not good tomatoes, though.
I've never had a good tomato from a fast food place.
But what I was saying the other day is Chick-fil-A needs to get into the burger gang
because nobody does it like they do at their price point.
Like a Chick-fil-A sandwich and fries is like – it's the same price across the board.
Everybody's shit is like $11 or $12.
Even Chick-fil-A's tomatoes leave a lot to be desired.
Honestly, I was thinking about it since you said it, and I'm like, I've never had a good tomato from anyone but a garden.
I have never seen a farm make a good tomato.
Yeah, but tomatoes can be – I saw that King of the Hill
just like two days ago where Hank joins
the co-op and he brings some
tomatoes and meats home because he has to join a
co-op in order to shop there. And they're
eating the tomatoes and they're just like,
my God!
And he's like, Hank, you have
to try these tomatoes. He's like, these are
tomatoes. Everyone knows tomatoes have
no flavor, Peg. And then he takes a bite and he's astounded by tomatoes everyone knows tomatoes have no flavor peg and
then he takes a bite and he's astounded by it because yeah like tomatoes what did he say
he was like my god like that's what i wanted that's what i wanted thank you for it i've been
we've been lied to yeah it's like tomatoes there's such a chasm between a delicious fantastic
garden like i used to eat them like apples out of my grandparents' garden, and I loved them.
And then I would go get tomatoes somewhere else and be like, damn, I could have sworn I liked these.
Yes.
No, just a flavorless water dish.
Did you see those fancy strawberries I sent, the pine berries?
I probably did.
I think what they did is they made a hybrid between like Florida strawberries and Japanese white berries.
And so they're called pine berries and they're strawberries that are a little bit on the small side, but they taste like pineapple, I guess.
I'll try it.
Yeah, I want some of the sounds good.
I want to try one of those blue bananas that apparently tastes like like a little vanilla ish.
What?
Yeah, I think it's called a Java banana. Maybe it's like a bl vanilla-ish. What? Yeah, I think it's called a Java banana, maybe.
It's like a bluish banana tint.
Zach, pull up blue bananas on the on-nose.
Yeah, it looks really good.
But not if it's a sex thing.
Not if it's a sex thing.
But it's supposed to taste like vanilla.
That's when you wrap a rubber band around the base of your cock
and you just leave it there until it turns huge and blue.
It looks just like this after you put a rubber band on your cock. Yeah, don't and you just leave it there until it turns it's huge and blue it looks just like this after a rubber band on your cock yeah don't those look good i bet those but those are
delicious or i'm being scammed by a fucking viral post on twitter blue java bananas well those look
blue i don't know what the inside i'm like i bet i wouldn't be surprised if they were bland and
flavorless or like firmer.
You know, bananas are supposed to be a little squishy, not gross.
Those cotton candy grapes were amazing.
You know, they make those fancy grapes now that taste like cotton candy.
I looked for those at the store like a year ago when you mentioned them,
and my grocery store didn't have them, so I gave up.
They're really good.
If you go on Instacart, you might be able to to find them sexist those bananas taste like vanilla ice cream oh no
and walmart has them really walmart has them well i don't trust walmart's fucking vanilla
flavored bananas i would i want to go to like a guy like a guy like a no well a banana man or oh they've got the grapes he says uh it's walmart
grapes well not the blue bananas grapes are solid but i'm a blue banana man that's what i want i
aspire to be one someday i don't really want any fancy fruits no no i thought they sold them on
amazon but they sell the tree it's to be seven years before I get a banana out of this thing.
Fuck that.
There's no way they're that good.
You got to become a banana farmer to get one of these things?
Yeah.
That's terrible.
You have to deal with all those scary spiders that live in the banana farm.
Oh, not banana spiders.
Yeah.
Oh, you guys ready to rat?
Yeah.
All right.
BKN499.
Banana farm.