Painkiller Already - PKN #56

Episode Date: September 17, 2015

This week's PKN, the guys have returned from the Survival Trip and recount some of the events that happened during the filming of that series.

we're live pk nearly pka nearly episode 56 oh checking it is 56 isn't it it is yeah the 55 was uh the in real life thing that no one has seen yet no no only we know about so these are going to come out of order for the first time ever yeah um it's going to be interesting i i don't know are they definitely going to go out of order there's no way that patrick like gets pkn up like in the next 45 minutes or something no way i think he's rendering pka as we speak now it should be done uh it would mess up your video but i if i checked it but he said it would take something like eight hours, and I think it's been that. Maybe it's even been like 10 hours. So that render should be done, but it's, you know. Yeah.

So, well, this is the first thing we've done post-survival trip. So I guess maybe we touch on that a little bit. I mean, obviously, we got a whole bunch of videos. We have so much survival trip content. I'm kind of, like, personally trying to move on from that. Okay. But we probably should talk about the videos. There's some people who want to know.

Yeah, yeah. So the videos are coming at some point soon. The holdup has to do with Patrick's editing software and the fact that he had to travel cross-country and there was hotel internet for a day and a few other things. So it really is kind of a perfect storm, although he really has fucked up a little bit along the way yeah go on he proposed uh i guess at one point he was uploading like p you know pkn or pk yeah it was pkn it was like all right i got

it this is kind of like a and it's got this big red x on which i guess a i think oh yeah it's hard to say i forgot they're both the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, he uploaded one that had a big red X across the middle, and it's like, we can't have that. So that's a thing, and then... What does that dog get its ears back?

Right? It's because every time we take off the damn things, it looks awful. So Jackie's like, well, I'll try one more week. He doesn't care. It's soft. It's, you know, it's actually in there. I wasn't concerned about his feelings.

I was just thinking, like, he looks silly. It's ridiculous. Well, he looks normal to me now. You should paint them like horns or something so that it's like, you know, how people, when they've got a cast or something, they make it into like uh you know like a hellboy's fist or something something cool like yeah yeah go ahead and play it up put some devil horns on that fucker it's a good idea i mean we do get him he gets new ones every week wow well in any case uh there's been a bunch of hold-ups with the videos and that's not our fault at all. It's all my fault.

Not even a little bit and there's no way to even shed any blame on us. Not that I want to shovel any on to Patrick but it certainly isn't on myself or that guy. And by that guy I mean the only other guy in the room right now. Because

Patrick filmed and he's editing and then it's out of our hands. At first he was like, I can't upload because I have half a megabit upload. Yeah. And well, on one hand that's kind of acceptable. On the other hand, because of the way the flights worked out he was stuck in a hotel room for a whole day.

Like he was just sort of stranded, no car, stuck in a hotel room in a small town in georgia nothing to do but render edit upload videos so in my heart it was like and i was thinking like this is a good thing i was i was like he can work the whole day he'll have them all done i i expected the same i expected like before he flew i figured like we get pkn out because that was the first one due and like you know by, 20 hours from now, 8-hour flight, maybe he gets some sleep. Maybe he's got something else to do. But then PKN is rendered and uploaded, and it's up the next day.

But that's just not how things played out, and here we are on Tuesday. So you probably don't know much about the Adobe Suite, but you can render in Premiere Pro like I do, or you can render in Media Encoder, which is nice because then it doesn't tie up your Premiere Pro. So you can render one video and edit a different one. So that's what he was doing. But Media Encoder just kept failing and failing and failing on him. So eventually he edited all the videos. So apparently they're all edited, but they all need to be rendered.

So I'm like, you you know I don't know I was I was pushing him this morning a little bit now he's he's he rendered pka let that thing completely finish and upload with a red X on it and we're like we can't use that like this is bullshit so um now he rendered a new pka but he has two computers so i'm like i'm using the other computer to render and he's like no they're on an external drive well mother you're late you're late there's a hundred thousand people who are mad at you we have a contractual obligation to get all these things done by a certain date or battle box will want their money back and that's a problem and uh it's like get your fucking shit done and uh so once pka is done rendering he'll copy the files and he'll be rendering with two

computers at a time but uh yeah this is why i always do all the shit did in the very old days of pka wings would like take we'd all record our own audio if i recall and uh and then oh or not i forget whatever it was i i think the the skype recording software of the day used to record your track and all the other tracks separately and you'd render them together into mp3 and upload it and wings would do that so he did it the first time it was fine by the second time it was like a week late by the third time it was like 10 days late and i just ended up doing it myself and that's why starting with like the third pka ever i did it because if i didn't do it it didn't get done well and um well i mean in patrick's defense he's kind of working for free, too.

You know? That's called the wage wage, right? It didn't feel very free to us because it was an all-expenses-paid trip. Sure. But he's not earning cash out of it, either. And I understand, you know, he's obligated to do the things he said he would, so he should, but, you know, that's part of it, too.

Yeah. I just, I wish I could help with the rendering or something, because this machine would be cranking away on it helping out he said he had a very powerful pc like like i even told him at one point like we were uh when i picked him up in the lobby he was uh he was saying you know something or other that he might have to re-render everything when he got home that's what he was saying and i was like well you know worst case scenario we could dropbox this shit to woody and like and now that i think about it if he had done that right then like it would have been up by now like if he just drop boxed it from the hotel to you but uh but i was like we could just drop box it to woody what he's

got a pretty he's got the most powerful pc of us all and he's like oh i've got a really powerful machine too i i can like crank through it fast so it's like oh okay yeah mine's not powerful by today's standards I feel It's two years old now But What I would do Is have the thing working non-stop Around the clock That's just what I always do When shit has to get done

I don't know what he has going on But soon he'll have two machines rendering concurrently And it'll start making progress And hopefully he's got the bugs worked out That'll be good and then people will get to watch us survive suffer that's the word I was looking for I was gonna say survive but I meant suffer suffer for for video after video I think it's gonna be funny there's some funny stuff in there I don't think it was exactly what we set out to create but I think the finished product will be fun and entertaining nonetheless I

really hope so that the prank I think is a highlight the chicken murder i think that prank's gonna make there's gonna be so many memes you know what i'm talking about too oh yeah oh yeah there's so many oh man it's gonna be great like if there's one thing i really want to hype up it's the prank however that comes about on youtube if it's its own if it's one thing i really want to hype up it's the prank however that comes about on youtube if it's its own if it's its own video i'm so part of like day two or three or something like if you want some serious hype like it's one of the funniest things we've done in a while it is it is a a great moment uh you know what i just thought of it like it in terms of like the great pka pranks like dead wings the nvidia sponsorship etc i feel

like i am the victim of the worst pka prank like no one has ever been punked more than me i don't want to spoil it but seriously like like that's the the moment to key in on that it was like day two or three and like just so bored out of our minds in the heat of the day. You can't do anything. It's just dripping with... And it was just perfect. Everyone's waiting for the PKA but I feel like... I don't want to put it down because we

tried hard and stuff. But I don't think it was a top 20 PKA or anything. I don't think so either. The whole thought process to me was, let's just do a different one let's do a different thing not it doesn't necessarily have to be better because of the difference but like you know we've done 250 shows or whatever it is like exactly like this we're all sitting around our equipment in our own homes except for maybe a hotel here and there And those are kind of weird episodes where there's wrestling involved.

So like, and those episodes, I think, even though they're not as good as our standard episodes, they're different. The episodes where we're in hotels doing silly stuff and we're in like, I was in that ghillie suit and all that crazy shit was going on. Like, I feel like that isn't necessarily a great show, but it's a different show. On a scale of one to 10,

we can knock out like a seven or eight every time it's controlled it's done it's repeatable etc sometimes you roll the dice and say all right we're gonna do a different thing we're gonna go to a hotel and what he's gonna put a shoe on his head and we're all gonna wrestle by the camera and sometimes that's a 10 and sometimes it's not and the the audience will decide so we'll see yeah yeah um this will be an interesting one uh because you know we we murder that poor fucking chicken right in the middle and i'm an accomplice i'm at the very least an accomplice uh yeah that i felt so bad i

i couldn't eat her i was so hungry i couldn't do it I can't believe you didn't eat the chicken. I think the boiling, I think we boiled her way too long before. Yes. Because, like, the meat was cutting off and it was white. Like, it wasn't even, it didn't look like chicken anymore. It looked like cooked chicken meat. Yeah, yeah. I feel like we could have eaten it right then, but who knows, right? No, I don't know, no, no.

Because as we fried it, like, we had to go back and do it again. Well, the breading. Oh, the inside of the chicken was raw? It was pink. Yeah, pink and raw. Well, we should have boiled it longer. But I think we boiled it too long before, and I think that contributed to it being all tough and stringy and horrible.

I was so hungry, though. It worked for me. I thought it was delicious. The fear in the bird's heart as it was pummeled. Dude, you know, I never, ever, ever look at my poop and think, oh, that was a steak. That was a good meal. But I swear, in this case, I'm like, that was Henrietta. Like, there she is.

My final goodbye. Floating down the creek. So mean to Chiz about that, too. You're like, yeah, yeah. Shit out your friend. In the creek so mean to chit about that too you're like yeah yeah that's your friend in the creek i was so mean did we get any of that on camera i don't recall filming a lot it's hard to say i hope some of that's on camera yeah and then at the end as we're cleaning up i'm like hey one last chance to say goodbye. So he's like, chuck her head in the fire. You have that head.

He throws her decaf head in the cleanup fire. And it like slowly melts as like Chiz cries like that Indian in the old litter commercial. One single tear, just a big fat one. It was just, I felt bad for that bird. I did. Yeah, you two both. What was I doing while you were bonding with the bird? Was I fishing or something?

You were charging batteries. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah. That was, I think, the day you guys bonded mostly. Yeah, because the bird was thirsty, and it came over, and I was like, here you go, and gave it some water, and it's drinking the water out of my hand. It's like, rah, rah, rah. The way they drink is they put their beak in, and then they tilt their head back to

swallow, and it's looking at me with this left eye like oh yeah thank you human thank you like i could tell the bird was appreciative of my water like they totally would like let me pet it and stuff and i could tell it liked the pets and those are unusual qualities i feel like usually they're all like weird and they don't want people around them it was fun to watch your transformation because you started as like this is a meat bird I will gladly and heartlessly kill the meat bird, and I will feel nothing, just like many of my other kills in the past. It doesn't even think. I still feel that way.

It doesn't have a head. It doesn't have a brain. This is dumber than other birds. It was like it was the most, like it was a piece of wood or a tree you chopped down. Like, yeah, I'll chop down this tree. I won't feel bad. But Henrietta, apparently it was a special meat bird. I still pretty much felt the same way.

Well, that bird in particular acted unusually. It really did seem like an odd bird. It makes me wonder how many birds you've gotten to know on a personal level. I think maybe you've convinced yourself. A few. No, I've taken them out before. The birds are not what they – like. This is, I think, how Hitler's mind operated. He's like, you know,

these people aren't even full-fledged people. I've taken the biggest of the birds out before and saved them from the slaughter and made my own little private flock and then let that flock age much longer than those meat birds are ever supposed to

live. They're supposed to die at seven weeks. It's like Blade Runner, when the replicants are getting to four years or whatever. They're not supposed to go that old. That's what it was. It was like these meat birds were becoming super meat birds. I was feeding them all kinds of vitamins and minerals and a medicine called Batrel, which is an antibiotic, but it also seems to help them put on fat to a tremendous amount and muscle. And I grew these gigantic meat birds, but they were all like shitty.

You know, they're like wild animals, like they were in an enclosure and I'd feed them by hand and stuff. But still, they were just like, what are you doing here who are you every day but this bird was like coming up to us like hey there hey how's it going woody woody welcome back to the camp can I get the fire going I'll get the fire going for you yeah yeah and then the fire would like kick up some and he ate all the like I't know, caterpillars and insects and stuff at the campsite, kept it clean. Then we had a caterpillar the next day, and Chiz was like,

if Henrietta was here, we wouldn't have this issue. Yeah. Well, we hacked her to death and fried her up real good, so. That's on PKA. Yes. That part is, the whole bird slaughter. I'm going to check and see if there's anything like uploading on my channel but yeah i was glad to get out of those woods i i was sick and tired of that

i i really i really wanted to fuck up out of there i was so happy when it was over uh me and chiz were trying to like we were like wanting to get up extra early like so let's just get up at like three in the morning let's just start then where Was there really any need in going to sleep? Like, we wanted out of there. It was just, we were so dirty. Chiz smelled so bad, I had to wash the couch. Like, we were stinky when we came out of those woods. And I'm not used to that level of poor hygiene. Like, that's just not part of my physical makeup as a being.

I mean, I washed the day before, but not the day we left, yeah. So I hadn't gone 24 hours unbathed. You hadn't, but we all had a bit of man stink, like a locker room smell, and then Chiz just refused to bathe. And I'm not

gonna, there's no reason to, I can't let him go on that. I said it in the videos. Chiz refused to bathe. He didn't want to get in that creek water. Whether he was afraid of the creatures in the water or whatever, he wouldn't. And he was ripe. He was ripe.

Yeah, I don't want to, you know, it's even more difficult to fuss toward Chiz with him just right next door in my guest house. Chiz decided not to bathe on the trip, so maybe that's why we didn't catch anything hunting. That's what it was!

God damn it! I still maintain that I was an amazing hunter. You could have put any hunter in the world out there, like some professional Rambo motherfucker, and he wouldn't have went off into that wilderness and came back with 36 cookies and a box of muffins. There's no way in hell.

I'm fucking hunter top dog out there. It takes the assassin to get that done. Absolutely. You walk off into those woods with nothing but a rifle and a blade in your bare hands. You come back with muffins. I want to see that happen. I don't think so, Bear Grylls.

That's funny. I hadn't thought of that. It was an interesting trip. We really did suffer. And that's what it was about. It was the suffer trip. That's what you call it. It was the suffering trip, not the survival's what you call it this it was it was the the suffering

trip not the survival trip that's how i feel about it uh it was all about being uncomfortable and hungry and uh and just uh unhappy with the situation that that's what i took away from it i didn't suffer well i mean i suffered but i i didn't hate it as much like i was okay with yeah you seem to be happy with the suffering. You're like, ah, yeah, this suffering will make me remember it better. The more it hurts, the better the memory will be. Can you guys see how much emotionally richer I've become? I really do value my shower time. I feel like if I don't...

There's been times when I wake up and there's no shower time and I just have to go do a thing. Usually it's an emergency. It's literally an emergency. Or the other time is when there's no hot water or no water for whatever reason. Those things are rare. Maybe one day out of the year I wake up and don't take a hot shower and really scrub and just feel like a new human being again. The days when that doesn't happen i i'm just not me i'm like that snickers commercial where you know you're not yourself

when you're i'm not myself when i'm not bathed i'm really not and like doing that day after day it just kept going until like the last day i just felt so gross and so awful and i just wanted out of it i i i felt like i was i was becoming a different person a dirty kyle i was becoming dirty kyle that's what i was becoming and dirty kyle's not a nice person he's not funny he's not fun to be around he's a real motherfucker to wait staff yeah you were mean to wait staff i forgot about that fuck that Fuck her. She was bad at her job. She deserved to be shitty too. And I wasn't shitty, I was honest. Fuck her.

Do I have video of this? No, I shut up when you started recording. Because I was considering throwing my drink in the floor. I was like, I'm gonna make a goddamn scene. Like, I've had enough of this. You're so pissed off in this video. You should see your face. Whichever one you can get to me fastest. You're so pissed off in this video.

Oh, she's in a hurry. You should see your face. Whichever one you can get to me fastest. That's what I said. She's like, you know, I've got a soup and a salad with my meal. Which would you like first? And I literally told her, I was like, whichever one you can get to me fastest. Because, like, I was hungry.

And I didn't want to eat bread. Like, you know, I felt like after all that not eating and just eating stuff I didn't care for. The muffins and cookies are certainly not gross, but you don't want to live on muffins and cookies and bullshit. We hadn't had any meat. I had Henrietta. Yeah, you did. But we hadn't had anything tasty for a while.

And bread wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to start on that appetizer. And I wanted Chiz. Like, Chiz didn't have his coffee. It was like, coffee's so simple. Like, coffee should just be really quick and just done. And yeah, I had enough of it. It had been way too long. And I told her, I was like, don't you work for tips? I was like, what's going on here? I remember you did say that.

Because I felt like her service was so poor, like I was genuinely curious if she actually worked for tips or. I have taken a lot more crap for not being nearly as mean as you were at that time. I cleared it with the table before I, before I like. And on top of that, like the service that, so you wanted like drinks and appetizers and soup and salad and shit like that.

And about 15 minutes had gone by. My guy had gone 20 minutes and there weren't even drinks on the table. I don't recall the situation reminding me. This was the Chicago pizza restaurant. Chicago. Oh. Okay. So here's the difference between those two scenarios one was

me and one was you no one was at closing time like 15 minutes till closing in a bar slash restaurant with an underage waiter who who i'm sure has like one of the they have a code they have to go by like there's rules and regulations to waiting on people And one of them is he can't bring my drink back and leave yours up there. And so, like, I know that to you, you're like, what the fuck? Why don't you just bring their drinks? And why can't you open up the thing with alcohol in it? But he was, like, 20 and he just couldn't. He had to get someone else.

But the thing was, it was closing time, right? There was a whole restaurant there. And there was, like, three-quarters staff there with one table. And there were plenty of people just milling about he just didn't get his he just didn't get his shit done it didn't seem like it no there was a girl back there a bartender doing nothing right and he needed 20 minutes to like find her i could have found her she was sitting there doing nothing the whole time it's wiping the type of the top of the bar with a cloth or something. I don't remember the exact timing of it.

It seemed like... He was way worse than this woman that you gave a hard time to. I didn't feel like... Well, I feel like the woman we were dealing with, it's like it's the middle of the day. There's four of us. She was doing several tables at one time. There were five waitresses. I counted them.

You know I did. He counted them. He rated them. He stack ranked them. I only cared about the one. That wasn't the hot one to me. You are so wrong. You picked that super skinny one with the kind of cute face and I picked the one with a pretty face but just big tits and a

big ass and these tight western jeans. Each ass cheek was like this and it was just like like cha cha cha cha and i'm just hungry and horny and i don't know which which i am more like that long in the fucking wilderness so i'm just like i want to fuck her ass and then eat it and i'm just so frustrated and pissed off and And I had told her, whichever's fastest. And little things like that appetizer, like, I've noticed, like, at Outback, like, if you, like, glance back into the employee area where they actually make the food,

there's this chart up there that's like, you know, as soon as you seat the customer, these things happen. Two minutes later, these things are supposed to have happened. By eight minutes, they're supposed to have done this. By, like, X amount supposed to have done this. And it goes by when they ask about the appetizer, when the appetizer should be there, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And this lady was so far behind. She was so far behind, and all of our drinks had gotten empty. Everyone at the table had an empty glass. And Chiz didn't even have his beverage yet and we didn't have our appetizer and we had been sitting there so long

without anything happening that we had eaten an entire loaf of bread I don't know what the timing was but I looked at you, I looked at everyone I was like I'm about to have a thing here I'm getting real pissed off and you were like yeah, it's been way too long I was like I don't know, I'm about to have a

you're like I give you permission to do whatever you want for my own entertainment really well i took it very seriously you gave me the like uh i don't know as soon as you said that i was like all right free free free ball it now like like whatever anything goes like as long as you don't punch her in the nose or anything like just fuck that bitch she's lazy she's bad at her job and i didn't feel like she deserved a tip but she really you notice she snapped too after that though like she was like she did you take a sip and she'd be like she'd fill your shit right up she was she was lickety split like she should have been and and the fact that she was able to like the same is true with

my guy in the drink the fact that this chick was able to rise to that level and then like no other tables like ran out of the restaurant for poor service because she was paying too much too much to us shows that she was being lazy and not doing her job well because she wasn't able she was totally able to rise to the occasion and and do what i asked her to do it was like keep these drinks refilled ask us if we need anything like that's all i want like i don't need a personal slave but your wait staff that's your job and don't you work for tips because if not i need to know that now like i'll put you on a salary today if that'll work we can we can figure this out now i have a new topic so i saw this on reddit the person instead of leaving a tip left a card and um here's what happened. In Seattle, they have raised the minimum wage to $15 an hour. Seattle, for our international people, is one of our most liberal cities and therefore apt to have like a $15 minimum wage and do like democratic things first.

All right. So back on topic. Now they have a $15 minimum wage and the guy leaves a card and it basically says, since it's a $15 minimum wage, that can't tip on top of the $15 an hour. Instead, I'll provide you with this card that gives an economics lesson." And I saw it and I thought, I don't hate that. Of course not. I mean, it's a reasoned argument. Yeah. Well, I think a lot of people are like, oh, my God, world's biggest douche. You didn't tip on top of your $15 an hour food. But, you know, every busboy, cook, waitress, like from top to bottom is making at least $15 an hour in that place. I'm sure that the price of the food reflects the costs of the staff.

And then the waitresses to get tipped on top of that like maybe if the service is great like I could see that but I I don't know I was just like huh I that's I didn't think that I don't have to raise 15 minutes for me to get my chicken taquitos or she ain't getting shit yeah anyway I thought it was interesting $15 an hour things went up. Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah. If it's going to be $15 an hour, then it should be built right in. There's no reason to tip on top of that. I guess. Yeah. I mean, it would have to be built right in because the owner's not taking a piece of the tips.

Unless it's Amy's Bakery bakery or whatever do you remember that from gordon ramsay's thing mildly ah yeah so gordon ramsay had this series i forget what it was called like hell's kitchen it wasn't hell's kitchen it was like it was an it was a related one where he took restaurants that were failing and then went in there and helped him sort of fix it up this is what's wrong with your menu this is what's wrong with your menu. This is what's wrong with your food. This is, you know, you've got a high-class restaurant in a blue-collar area of town, et cetera. And he would just sort of change the theme, change the food,

and help the place get hopping. Okay. Well, there was this one place. I want to say it was called Amy's Bakery. And she was an absolute nightmare. Some of it was edited to make her look crazy. And some of it was, she was just crazy.

She said she could speak cat and she talked to her cat. Okay. That's crazy. But I feel like a lot of like people talk to dogs or for dogs, like someone might be able to edit together your enders greatest hits and try to act like you're crazy too. Right. You know,

what do you hate my ears or something like that so um so that was the thing but they also like she hated all the negative reviews on her restaurant and she really she was over the top it wasn't hard to find footage to make her look crazy bottom line is she went out of business um last week or something like really recently and uh And now she's gone. I thought that was interesting. But I have a better story. Are you ready?

Sure. So this one's from a few months ago. Oh, I look at the date now. I didn't realize how old it was. From 2011. But there's a Brazilian woman. A Brazilian court has ruled that a 36-year-old female accountant,

Ana Contrarian Bezerra, can now legally masturbate at work and watch porn on her computer, citing a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality. And I could go on. Here, I'm just trying to be a little closer. What does she do for a living? She's an accountant. And it got so bad that she would masturbate up to 47 times a day.

And that's when she asked for help and she knew it wasn't normal. The court decision gives her the ability to combine work with pleasure. There's a downside to the ruling. It said the woman's performance may suffer because relieving stress means frequent masturbation, translating to frequent abandoning of her workstation. Wow. So this woman gets up and masturbates throughout the day. Um, they gave her a cocktail of tranquilizers to receive, relieve the stress. And now she's only masturbating 18 times a day instead of the usual near 50

times a day. Well, good for her. That's all i've got to say uh i got a problem with that hook her up i mean it's not like it's a rampant thing like when we start getting dozens of these cases and it's in effect it's affecting everyone's office experience um and maybe we address it but it sounds like she's got a legitimate fucking fucked up issue and if her office is okay with her masturbating all day every day like especially i don't care you know like as an employer like this kind of stuff makes me feel like he got stuck with a bad one i'll take her like it's not the masturbating that bugs me right it's the like if someone said i needed to take 47 cigarette breaks a day where they were they like ducked away from her desk or workstation,

as they called it, and went to have a cigarette 47 times a day, they'd be like, you better be fucking amazing when you're not masturbating. Because that's a lot of breaks. I don't take 47 breaks a day. It's a lot. And now how do you fire her?

This is Brazil, so I don't know what the deal is. But if this was America, she would have a precedent saying that this is like a medical issue. That I fired her for her medical issue. And I want to be like, no. I don't care if she goes to the bathroom and masturbates. But the issue is that she's not getting her work done because she's going to the bathroom and masturbates. The issue is that she's not getting her work done because she's going to Matthew masturbates like that. I,

I, I think we're, you're kind of, we're just assuming that she's not getting her work done. I'm assuming that she's not as productive as I, I think, I think she's just so happy all the time. She's just so chipper.

Whistle while we work. Yeah. Yeah. Like, like absolutely. I would hook up some sort of system where the vibrator were attached to her productivity like like the the more work she got done the more the more juice she got for the vibrator right every tps report she files like hand her another

double a battery you could put her on a sibian like make her work from there and like like if if the work slows down you slow the sibian down absolutely yeah i saw the chinese were bringing in uh those uh there's like cheerleaders uh into their uh their their tech firms to like wolf of wall street cheer no well like prostitutes that are fucking these guys to up productivity yeah totally that's what they're doing in china right now apparently productivity is up they're literally bringing in cheerleaders to fuck the guys like that's totally what's happening they're doing in China right now. Apparently productivity is up. They're literally bringing in cheerleaders to fuck the guys. That's totally what's happening. They're bringing in a bunch of prostitutes to fuck these guys at work.

It's working, apparently. Well, damn. I don't know what to think about that. What about the married people that work? Maybe they're cheating. I don't know. I guess it's on them. I don't know what the Chinese culture is like in those regards. Yeah. European culture is interesting. I was talking to... She was actually...

Oh, I worked with her. So this was my boss's boss at Cisco for whatever, like nine months or a year or something like that. And somehow we got to talking about cheating and she basically said she didn't care for husband cheats. She just needed plausible deniability. Like he needed to do it in a discreet way so that like, it was like you knew, but you didn't know it wasn't in your face it wasn't uh like that wouldn't work for me like i need to know that my wife isn't cheating i i need i need

that to be a thing i need to be confident in that and i mean that's what the cameras and the tracking devices are all about and mark and people don't know about marco woody's private investigator keeps on tap all the time uh-huh and uh yeah i did you think i love siri because of the google searches no that bitch is tracking jackie all the time um no no it makes me feel good to know that that's not a problem in my marriage other people though and i i don't know if this is all of europe or old school europe or what but like i i don't think i i think you have a this woman was actually from south america somewhere i screwed that up but i i don't think i i think you have a this woman was actually from south america somewhere i screwed that up but um i don't think this is a a thought process that that's unique to

i think it's one that's very foreign to you the idea of like open marriages and uh and that sort of thing uh this is different than an open marriage though like any any open of any any on any end of that spectrum whether you're you're going full swinger open marriage do what you want kind of thing or all the way at the other end where like maybe there's like one fuck buddy that they each have that maybe they they have a liaison with once every couple years or something like that like i think that you're super uncomfortable with any idea of any of that and you and you think it's very rare but i think it's a very common thing that's not true i think that it's not for me i know that but but i i don't know necessarily it's not for you not not you not being kyle but like the world of you right all everyone that's not me is you right in this scenario um does that make sense you know, the listener is you, etc. So, you know, if that works for you, like I know Hutch has said many times that he's down with an open relationship.

I don't know if he still feels that way or whatever, but he's had them with girlfriends in the past. I could be as well. I just think it needs to be defined beforehand. Like you define it. It's nice to put things in their boxes and define the way things are going to be beforehand and just know what to expect. Okay. But this was a thing that I didn't like. Like what you're talking about to me is okay.

Not for me. But like this is defined. We do this. We do that, et cetera. Theirs was like an unspoken thing. Like they go into it with the idea of monogamy. And then that idea slowly fades as if it's expected to and there becomes some level of cheating but i'll let the

cheating pass so long as you know i'm not meeting that girl or you know you're not taking calls from her in front of me or like like just you know keep it discreet you can cheat all you want and that to me is is a really weird thing to do i think that's very common as well i mean that's what tony soprano was rocking the whole series right that that's i think that's a super common like way of doing things for like lots of married couples i really do huh and just relationships in general i certainly don't think it's a thing that's limited to those crazy europeans or anything like that like i think every i think that's a pretty common thing uh yeah i mean i i would be i don't know i was gonna say like the whole in the same room swinger thing seems easier for me to deal with but i don't know that that's true either like i just couldn't deal with the visuals of that and i'm not wired for it not wired for it i'm protective and jealous and

possessive that's the word you're looking for yeah yeah that's my pussy uh and no one else's i think we should call the show right there that's my pussy and no one else's oh that's funny so um let me see oh here's a related topic asus is executing women for refusing to have sex with its fighters have you ever heard about this that sounds like one of the nicer things they've done. They're giving them a choice, right? It seems like normally they just kill people. There's no option B.

We're here to kill you. Or? What do you mean, or? I'm struggling with ISIS being the good guys at all. Okay, so hear me out. In Iraq, right? We painted them as the bad guys. Saddam Hussein was this evil leader.

The Republican Guard were these bad people, et cetera, et cetera. And Saddam Hussein killed his own people. Never mind he's suppressing a civil war. Abraham Lincoln killed his own people. But whatever. When Saddam does it, it's extra bad. Saddam's crazy, et cetera. I can see how the Iraqi side would see themselves as the good

guys we're here this is our country america's invaded us i can see how afghanistan sees themselves as the good guys you know like i didn't do shit like you know you messed with us when we were in deals with russia you're messing with us now you know we're just defending our homeland right you know like well i mean we helped them fight russia with the mujahideen okay so that wasn't a perfect thing to say but um we helped them fight russia but then we're definitely messing with them now and you know from their standpoint it's like yeah you know we were having a civil war thing and we've always kind of battled as to which warlord is in control of the area. Sure, we want to take Afghanistan from something that was fairly progressive to something that's more religious and faith-based,

even though it's like a, I'm not crazy about burqas, but I can see why they might think they're the good guys, right? They're thinking we're pure, we're the good guys, we're going to go heavy on Islam on this thing. With ISIS, I really struggle to imagine themselves as anything but a

group of thugs and murderers and, I mean, they're raping women. It goes back to what I was saying on the last, maybe on the survival trip I was saying this so actually on the last PK maybe I don't think people believe in evil anymore I think that we've come up with so many ways

to explain why a person does a thing oh he's schizophrenic or he had this happen to him or he has this disorder or this it's like no no no he's just evil like what happened to someone just being an evil person and just enjoying the act of doing evil and being cruel and awful because that's what they're about? And I feel like that's what ISIS is, because they do evil things. Like, they do things that are cruel and barbaric just for the sake

of doing them sometimes. And, you know, they relish in showing it to the world. Like, that's their M. it's it's awful if i'm a blood or a crip i'm killing people we're raping women that's not true no all right so the thing with the bloods and the crips are just protecting their territory for selling drugs right but in their side they can still see themselves as the hero of their own story i don't think it's that bad anyway. They're probably not. But they've done a few bad things, but that's not to act like they're all that bad all the time.

No, it's a criminal organization of gangsters. I'm not trying to say they're bad people, but it's hard to compare them to ISIS because ISIS seems to be so fucking evil. Their thing is all about establishing a new Islamic caliphate. Let me finish my thought. thing is all about establishing a new Islamic caliphate. Let me finish my thought. If I'm a blood or a crypt, well, from the outside, most people see them as the bad guys and wish they weren't messing with them. From the inside, this is our neighborhood. We're protecting it. We're declaring it us. All those other people on the outside, they're the bad ones. We're just keeping

this thing to ourselves because it's always been ours. It's about selling drugs on that territory. It's like we want to sell drugs here. They want to sell drugs there. It's all about business. I believe it's partially about business. I bet there's also a sense of territory and ownership that's not just about the drug selling.

It's also about the, you know, you stay out of here. You're an outsider. This is our land. It's nationalist almost. I would disagree because of the nature of those gangs, just the way they work. It's all about selling drugs. It's drugs and prostitution. It's organized crime, once again.

It's just like the mafia. They're just opposing mafia crime families. We should get a blood on the show. See what they have to say. Yeah, let's do that. That would be fun. I would like that. I bet their mic sucks yeah that was no they probably steal some good audio equipment um but yeah i isis is just see they literally seem evil they seem reminiscent

of like uh of some goose stepping fucking nazis Right? It's interesting that they are so evil because that makes me almost think, am I being manipulated somehow? Am I being trolled even? Even the Nazis, right? Most Germans weren't Nazis. Most Germans didn't know what they were doing to Jewish people.

Most Germans didn't know about those concentration camps and all the murder. A lot of them felt, I guess they were invading other countries but they were expanding and manifest destiny and the America was the good guys and we took over our hat you know a third of this continent right the game you can tell yourself that that's how Chris is going what I'm saying is I am I can almost put myself in the shoes of people who do bad things and understanding that when you're on that team it doesn't feel bad to you but with ISIS I'm not getting that I don't

see how these ISIS motherfuckers can see themselves as anything other than lawless like murdering raping motherfuckers anything that don't think they're doing anything that our ancestors weren't doing 300 years ago. Hmm. Right? Look back to something like the Spanish Inquisition. I feel like they're just brainwashed. And sure, I do still think what they're doing is evil,

but I think they've got this 16th century mindset. They want a desert kingdom that's an Islamic theocracy. They have no interest in the rules of the rest of the world because they've just got their one belief. It's going to be interesting to see how the whole thing plays out. Are you aware of the whole refugee crisis that Europe's facing right now because of it? Yes. Apparently, people are coming from Syria.

Millions. Yeah. And they want America to take a bunch of them. But I don't want that. We don't have to. The European Union is delegating, all right, Romania, you're taking 1500 and bulgaria you get 1400 like but that whole uh european union thing is starting to backfire on those fuckers they're assigning them refugees millions of these people and like those numbers were low you might have meant 15 000 and 14 000 the little countries weren't taking that

many like like germany is getting is taking tons and tons of people. Austria is taking a bunch. Hungary had bunches. But some of the little countries, I think, what did the Pope say? He was wanting each parish to take in a family or something like that. In any case, I had no idea that it was such a huge thing until I started reading about it. And it's literally millions of people are fleeing Iraq and Syria because of what ISIS, the whole war there. I've got this infographic here somewhere on my phone and it's basically like a big circle and around the circle are the names of countries, organizations and stuff like that and then

they're interconnected with lines that represent direct conflict, monetary support, indirect conflict and one other thing. And it's such a tangled web of United States, Iran, ISIS, the Kurds, the Sunnis, the Russians, the Iranians, the Saudis, the Egyptians, and they're all interconnected. And we're in direct conflict with four of them, and we're in indirect conflict with Iran and Russia currently. You've got the Assad regime over there, you've got like I said the Sunnis and the Shiites, the Kurds, there's so many little factions and groups and some of them are with ISIS and some of them aren't and they're all just kind of fighting for one thing or another and dying and

luckily we're all the way over here and I hope we just stay here. We were over here in 2001 as well. They came to find us, 9-11. Debatably. You think it was Bush? I don't know. Man, I watched him. It was Saudis.

I watched a video of him right after he was interviewed for the 9-11 commission. And I had forgotten just what a horrific speaker he is. He went up there, did a press conference where he vowed not to tell people anything. He told them stuff and said, you know, I fell into your trap, but I'm not going to do it again. It's like, no, you are a simple minded fuck. And he could he was awful. I'll tell you what was good. When he's standing in the rubble with the loudspeaker

and he's got the fire marshal with him or something like that, he puts his arm around him and he's like, blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blue, and the crowd's like, yeah, America! And pretty soon those people who knocked down those buildings are going to hear us and everybody cheers. That was a good speaking moment of his. He has tons of...

I bet you it wasn't. I bet you if you watched it again, you'd realize it was a good still photo because he's got some of those. No, the audio is good. I've watched the video many times. He gets the crowd pumped up about like, we're about to go like...

He's like, I hear you and the people of New York hear you and the American people hear you. And pretty soon the people that knocked down those buildings are going to hear you. And it was good. And it was live. He's on the loud horn like an Independence Day. I was down for the Afghanistan war. Yeah.

Standing today, I'm not sure if that was a mistake or not. I felt like we had to do something. They were literally hiding bin Laden from us. Like, you can't do that. Yeah, the Taliban were bad guys to begin with. But Iraq, I was never down for. And most people wanted Iraq, but I think they wanted it because they linked it with 9-11.

I just seemed like, I didn't think we'd stop there. I figured we were just going to wash that whole region clean. So you can't Do you wash it clean or do you nuke it until it's all glass? What's the difference? I don't know. I thought we were just going to keep pushing. I thought it was going to be like, alright, we toppled this regime

and that regime. I didn't know we were going to stick around and do nation building. I thought we'd just keep rolling through them, knocking them down like bowling pins. Like, it should have been Syria next. And just keep moving throughout the region. Anybody who's been an issue, just depose them, prop up your own government, and move along.

I thought that was what was going to happen. But instead, they occupied for a generation, seemingly. I grew up, and they were still there. America's specialty is really breaking stuff, not building stuff. We should keep that in mind when we define what success is going forward. Yeah, we should break the stuff, and then we should sell them the construction work. We don't pay our companies to fix what we paid to break. That's just shitting in your hand.

You can see the problem there. Yeah, yeah. Shitting in your hand. That's such a perfect analogy. Yeah, what are you doing? They pay us. You get them to shit in your hand, right, Kyle? No, you get them to shit in your mouth.

That's how it works. Clearly. No, if you're going to blow all that shit up, you make it work for you. Oh, I see you guys got a few buildings fell over. I got a few friends could come and fix it for the right price. Like, that's what we should have done. Like, not don't worry. Our friends at Halliburton will be happy to rebuild your country, kind of yeah like like no that i don't i didn't understand the whole thing

i wasn't supportive of the thing in the beginning because it was like yeah like we're having a hard time tracking down the right brown people but i've heard of that one i've heard of that saddam guy he tried to take out bush senior back in the day and that's almost enough for me right there and it still is but i don't think we should have stuck around more than like six weeks like we should have been gone like like one day we should have been there hitting the saddam statues with the sandals murica like don't raise the flag we're not conquerors like like like you know i wonder how it would have gone if we quietly waited for saddam to show himself and SEAL Team sicked him.

All it took was a sniper shot. From where though? Within a major city? I don't know. You give it time and there'll be a thing. I don't know. You could say the same thing about the American president.

I just don't think it's conceivable. I don't think it's an easy thing to do. I mean, they tried to take him out. Initially, like, the reason the whole bombing thing started when it did was, like, we had a credible reason to think we could take Saddam out instantly.

And, like, it started early. Like, they immediately bombed, like, a headquarters they thought he was in, like, a day or two before they were gonna start bombing. I remember that. They tried to take him out. They wanted to cut the head off the snake. But I feel like it should have been the opposite. I feel like once we pulled him up out of that spider hole we should

been like alright last chance see you later just like let him go and back the fuck off and him he just be like well they kicked the shit out of me they just were not kidding they can do that at will huh and they can just all right well shit all right well let's do whatever they need us to do like i felt like that's what he was doing before like that i forget who said it they're like saddam hussein was a bastard but he was our bastard he was under our thumb i heard he asked permission to invade um you know ever kuwait kuwait he asked permission to invade kuwait that's the rumor i'm hearing. Really? Yeah. And we gave it to him and then uses it as an excuse to attack him.

I don't know what the fuck. Be very careful with Republicans. I love Trump. He's like, I'm going to be so good at the military, I'll make your head spin. Good at military? Like, is that a verb? Like, I'm going to be so good at militarying. military should be a word i mean a verb i i like

it i like that yeah sure stick with that i think i think he would i think he'd do some crazy shit i think he'd like bring up the top secret stuff that like the commanders don't even want anybody to know about just like show off i think he'd be fun he's such an entertainer it'd be nice imagine it imagine all nice. Imagine we had the fuck up. I don't know how to describe Obama. He does it right. Let's get an entertainer in there.

Let's get a guy who's all pizzazz. I feel like his State of the Union addresses are going to be great. I want to see him decorate the White House. It's going to look like a casino. It's going to be bold and gold and glitzy with disco lights. He's going to propose selling off parts of famous landmarks, put them on the real estate market.

This guy's going to be great. He's going to be our next president. Hey, you Japan, you want to buy Hawaii? Just saying. I would sell Hawaii if it were up to me. I think so. I think we should just sell it and see how those fucking pineapple eaters like it under somebody else's rule for a change.

I don't know if they make it. I don't know what the economic impact of Hawaii would be. Militarily, it must be good to have naval bases out there. That's why they attacked it first in World War II. Plus, they could reach it. World War II plus they could reach it that too and it could reach them that was the best part

what else is there I've been watching True Detectives the second season I heard it sucks it's really good I think how many episodes are you I'm on the season finale you would be a good judge

I think it's pretty good I thought on the season finale. I've got... Oh, well then you would be a good judge. I think it's pretty good. I thought, like in the second episode, so Amy Adams is one of the detectives and she's a tiny little cute girl and she's got like multiple blades hidden on her and Colin Farrell's asking her, he's like, what's with the knives?

She's like, it's something you gotta live with when like 50% of the population can beat you to death with their bare hands. It's like, any man lays a hand on me, I'm dead. She's like, but, what are these? Any man lays a hand on me, he's gonna bleed out in 30 seconds. And eventually, she's got one of those blades like Counter-Strike that you hold like this and kind of hooks around.

And she's got one of those training posts where she's like practicing all the the artery slashes and and everything and she's constantly and finally the the moment comes where she gets to use her knife and she goes ninja on this big fucking brute of a guy and like cuts it cuts both his femoral arteries um like whatever these are and uh and like splits him up the sternum and like four quick motions just like and the guy's choking her unconscious and he goes what did you do and he looks down and the whole floor is covered in blood uh i think it's pretty good it's um it's it's different than the last one um what's his name the who's the guy who normally does comedy stuff? Vince Vaughn. Vince Vaughn.

Yeah, Vince Vaughn plays kind of a gangster who's got a parallel story to the whole investigation without any spoilers. I thought he was just too slow-paced and even. Everything was kind of low. There were no laughing moments, no highs, just low, low, low. I've been watching this show.

It's dark. It's definitely dark. And I don't think it's as powerful as the first season was. But I still like it. And I like the characters. I like Banshee. I like Vince Vaughn. I haven't seen the season finale.

It's two episodes. Well, I slept through it. But I've been watching Doctor Who. The new Doctor Who. Have you seen that? I don't like the old guy. Most people don't. But he's okay to me.

I think he's better than he gets credit for. I will say that I don't know that I'm going to like him more than the last two. The last two have both been good to me. I really liked the last one. Uh, like he's the only one I really like at all. I liked, I guess I'm easier to please.

I like all of them. I even liked that first one who only lasted one season. He was okay. Yeah. A lot of people didn't like him. And then the next one was great. And a lot of people like there's a battle between the next two as to who was better.

And I think everyone agrees the old guy is not as good as the last two but um I like him I don't understand what it is with him and faces and stuff like he doesn't know that he's older than the beautiful woman he's with he doesn't know that that beautiful woman's beautiful he's like when she cries he's like stop it with the eye thing and it's's like, why are you so fucked up? How come you don't get it? Everyone else wasn't this retarded. They could tell ages. They could recognize people.

It's not a Time Lord thing. I don't know. I'm not sure. Is that one of the earlier episodes? Like maybe right after he does the change? I feel like it's throughout the recents. It gets better. But yeah, right after he does the change, he's definitely it's throughout the recents. It gets better, but yeah, right after just the change, he's

definitely messed up. But I feel like it carries over. I don't know. I really only like that one guy who was the previous one whose name's escaping me right now. I really liked him a lot. The others were just okay, but I felt like his storylines and those seasons

in particular seem to have a better budget than most. They look good. I like all the chicks that he's like carrying around they're all hot and fun and i like the storylines i think that that's my favorite doctor who time period and i've seen bits and i like i go back to it occasionally i'm like all right let's give this old fucker a try and like 10 minutes in i'm just like i'm feeling the exact same way that his female companion is feeling like who's this old guy i don't know him i don't like him but like it's interesting they write that in the show because it's almost like they knew that's exactly what the fan base was gonna think and that's how i feel i just i don't know why they went with him you know what i was thinking this is crazy but if he could act syndicate would make a decent doctor who yeah the guy that wings in the 1v1

um i saw jim carrey i think may have been offered at one time yeah i think he would be an insane doctor that'd be okay with me i don't know i generally generally don't like his work at all yeah but i also don't know what he's capable of like not everything has to be that like lightning in a bottle bouncing off the walls. His dramatic? I've always liked his dramatic roles. I like the number 23. I like that movie. I saw the Truman show and though

he wasn't a goof in that, he did a good job. Yeah, I like that a lot too. There's another one. There's one where he loses his memory or something and they think that he's like a World War II soldier that they had thought was dead or something, and I can't remember that one.

I like his dramatic stuff, okay? I recently tried to watch Dumb and Dumber-er because I got HBO from Amazon, and God, that's such a shit, shit, shitty movie. Oh, it's so bad. It's like they weren't even trying. It's not even funny i didn't like it was too dumb for me um and i didn't expect this to get any better i like dumb and dumber

i feel like that's a cult classic i feel just a classic i i really think a lot of that i like that it's funny i wonder if you were at your current age when it came out if you'd like it as much i watched that shit last year i love it but I like you're also like it you might have a fond memory for it too like if you were a full-fledged adult when you first saw that you might be like this is a little lame or there are movies that are like that like Billy Madison like I don't laugh at Billy Madison like him as much anymore like I did when I was a kid and a lot of those Adam Sandler movies the water boys still pretty funny I really do like I still like the water boy but um but yeah do like, I still like The Waterboy.

But yeah, I like it. I like, you know, they fucking pop the champagne, kill the fucking owl. And, you know, the bad guys think that they're like crack assassins and they did it all on purpose. But really, they're just always falling ass backwards into something that makes them look like real hard asses who are like trying to take these criminals down. And so they're like intimidating the criminals accidentally. You know, they poison the one guy with rat poison. They take their endangered owl out with the cork of the champagne. Just every step of the way, you know.

They don't know the lady's name and he's like, Mary Swanson? And the other one looks at the suitcase and it's a Samsonite suitcase. He's like, Samsonite! Ah! I was way off! And I like that. It's funny to me. I have, uh, I think it's time to wrap the show, but I have one update that

people don't know. PKA is uploading right now. Ah. Nice. So that's a thing. I guess I'll upload this and we'll have some content. Are you gonna put this up, like, now? I think so. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Alright, so that was PK

Nearly, episode 56. I hope you guys liked it.