Painkiller Already - PKN #69

Episode Date: December 18, 2015

This week on PKN...Taylor returns from the dead!...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Alright, now I clicked it twice. Is it gonna... I think we're live. We should probably be sure. Well, we're definitely... Okay, we're live. We're live. So what happened is I clicked it and then like 15 seconds went by. And I was like, did I click it? So I clicked it again. Now this has happened before and it makes the recording stop. So I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. We're're still recording so this is the beginning of a very special pkn episode 69 yes it's a great story you just told buddy because it was in real time with how long the actual events then i clicked i didn't know
Starting point is 00:00:37 what was going on episode 69 yeah kind of neat we have taylor here with us yes thank you taylor um now you had some topics picked out or did you want to start with mine uh yours is it's more divisive and i know apparently you two are gonna agree so i'm gonna have to play asshole conservative and go the other route. Now we've started. Okay. So this was my big question. I'm here asking myself, like with regards to the whole Syria ISIS thing, are we the good guys? And so, for example, it's pretty much a lock right now that ISIS is selling oil to Turkey.
Starting point is 00:01:29 That's a known, right? Like the U.S. kind of knew it. I swear like I know it. Turkey comes out and says it. Iraq? It might be Iran. I'm not sure. It was Iran.
Starting point is 00:01:39 It was Iran. Said, you know, look, we'll present the evidence to you. Look, let's all – I think it's not a matter of contention anymore. ISIS was selling oil to Turkey. More importantly, Turkey was buying the oil. Yes, and they're a U.S. ally. And the U.S. is kind of signing with them because they're our ally and that's what you do with your friends. But it's nice to be right as well and then like saudi arabia right
Starting point is 00:02:06 the news is all over the fact that like you know this person was born in america and they got radicalized by the dark side of islam or something like that and i'm like yeah well they lived in saudi arabia for fucking ever that's where they got radicalized that's why they got radicalized they didn't sit here in the land of milk and honey getting radicalized Apparently that's a common thing that a pet that these packets Pakistanis will go to Saudi Arabia and become radicalized pecs Pakistan is a ism is a heavily Muslim country And and that's that's where she was from that's where the wife was from yeah I feel like she had a way bigger part in it than people were
Starting point is 00:02:42 Acting we're like she clearly influenced him to do a lot of that shit. She was the one to shoot first. Yeah. Kyle, can you toggle your... Taylor, do you see Kyle's camera? I do, but he's frozen for me. I'm sure he'll jump out of it and do some fast motion and be good in a sec. He's toggling it.
Starting point is 00:02:56 That might fix it. But, yeah, they don't give her enough blame for it. I didn't know she shot first, which apparently Kyle knows. I don't even know how... Yep, she did. How can you know that because not everybody died oh yeah well that was a dumb question okay i didn't understand how that would let him know like does that mean that she she shot first and not everyone died so women are bad shots where's he headed with this no people who live said that she she took a
Starting point is 00:03:22 shooting stance she started shooting first he hesitated and then eventually he joined in so she was the driving force and then i guess there was some scrutinization today over the 28 000 uh uh thing in their account but they just took out a loan because hey if you know that you're going to see all right it's like yeah give me that 28 grand 20 interest whatever make it 30. Yeah, 30. Who fucking cares? I had one more thing. So there's Saudi Arabia radicalizing this woman, and that's a U.S. ally.
Starting point is 00:03:52 And then I remember when, I guess, the U.S. kept saying, and I'm not sure if it's even true, that the 19 hijackers on 9-11 came in through Canada. That was like they were beating the drumbeat. Came in 9-11 came in through Canada. They just kept, like, that was like, they were beating the drumbeat, came in through Canada, came in through Canada. And the issue was that Canada didn't want to go into Iraq the second time when we went to that war, right? The only people, the only friends we had were England, if I recall, because we were wrong about that war. And it was obvious to everyone.
Starting point is 00:04:20 And, but we just sat there, you know, singing blame Canada when we ignored the fact that like 17 of those 19 attackers were from saudi arabia and i just feel like you know we're really cozied up with turkey and saudi arabia and we're kind of burying the bad parts that come of it and you know we're holding countries like russia i guess no one's fully good. But I'm just asking myself. The Saudis are bad guys. They definitely are. They're out for their own.
Starting point is 00:04:49 They're out for themselves, right? The only reason that they have any power whatsoever and we care that they're Saudi princes and kings and all that bullshit is because they have oil and we need the oil. But if we're not in there cozying up to them, the Russians will, and that won't be good at all. As far as what we're doing in Syria, that Assad guy isn't as bad as everyone makes him out to be. The Russians support Assad, we oppose Assad. But it's so convoluted over there, there's so many different groups of forces. Yeah, we're not the good guy over there. I wouldn't say we're the bad guy, but we're not the good guy.
Starting point is 00:05:21 This might be dumb, but what's the reason that we oppose Assad? I know it's probably multifaceted but like is there like a big one it the most likely it's that he won't play ball with us he won't do what we want him to do yeah i don't know the answer i never know and then i don't even believe him when they tell me which is part of the issue yeah like it everyone we ever go to war with is a madman, right? That's literally the fucking word they use, madman. It's not in my everyday vocabulary, but the leader of North Korea is a madman, and Saddam Hussein is a madman, and al-Assad is a madman,
Starting point is 00:05:56 and everyone's a fucking madman that we want to go to war with, and we're like, well, shit, if there's a madman in charge of a country, I guess we better take care of it. Yeah, oh, man, you know? well shit there's a madman in charge of a country i guess we better take care of it yeah oh man you know like like like you can rise to power of a nation when you're a crazy person now maybe in north korea you actually can because it's genetic but um uh not genetic what is the term for hereditary uh i'm going for a monarchy, but it's not literally a monarchy. But, you know, it's passed down from father to son.
Starting point is 00:06:27 It's hereditary. Is that what they call it? I didn't know that was the term they used. Like a bloodline of despotism. It's a hereditary title. Okay, all right. So, yeah, in North Korea, I suppose. Although I'm not sure that that's what the law is there. It just seems like he just took power.
Starting point is 00:06:42 He's like, ah, now I'm in charge. I feel like, because he's not like the prince of North Korea. He's the supreme leader or something like that. And it's just known. Most people that lead a country earn that title, right? You can earn it by getting a popular vote. You can earn it by staging a military revolt. You can take over.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Even if you're an illegitimate dictator who led the country because you did a coup, well, shit, you must have some leadership skills because you've got enough people to overthrow the government behind you. It's a real Baratheon-Targaryen situation. Who is the true king? I love that. So anyway, I guess I'm looking at what the U.S. is doing over there, and I don't know if we're the good people or not, and I hate that.
Starting point is 00:07:30 I feel like most of the time the U.S. is on the good people side, and in the Middle East I'm not sure that most of the time fits. I think we're always on our side. Whatever's best for our interests globally, nationally, and not just our security. It's not always about protecting Americans. Whatever makes us the most money and nets us the most power and is bad for the people we don't like, like the commies, the Russians, the Chinese, that's what we support. So it could easily be a democratically elected government somewhere, but if they're opposing us, if they don't want to sign some trade deal,
Starting point is 00:08:05 if they don't want to be part of some coalition of nations, if they're siding with the Russians or the Chinese, there's been time and time again where we would take out those democratically elected governments and just topple them. Well, did they democratically elect a madman? I bet they did. They probably did.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Can't have that. According to our leaders, yes. i feel like we democratically elect a lot of mad men i like obama still like i get that he's not popular but every time i look at his actual no i heard him did you hear what he said the other day about hated it hated it hey you already know what he said yeah what did he say yeah he said that he said don't be scared everybody don't be scared i know they were terrified of really that 13 and a half minute speech that's what i took from it what what pissed me off was was how he's he's calling the fact that you can get a gun while being on the no-fly list a loophole first of all like that's you know you're using the word loophole wrong like like a loophole is like two unconnected pieces of legislation
Starting point is 00:09:07 or rules which inherently work together to get you somewhere where you shouldn't have been able to get before what he's got here is just there's no due process for the no fly list they can just say yeah you can't fly on our airplanes but you can't just say that no you can't buy a. No, you don't have the right to free speech anymore. No, you don't have the right against improper search and seizure anymore. You can't just do that. And to say that your arbitrary list that you've composed, not, uh, falling under,
Starting point is 00:09:39 to say that people who are on this arbitrary list that you've composed not being able to buy guns is a loophole. Or not being able to force it upon them that they can't buy guns is a loophole. It's just outrageous. I completely agree with everything you're saying. You are so right. The problem with the no-fly list is that the U.S. just pulls that list out of their ass. Now, I think that they do their best with it. I know they make mistakes.
Starting point is 00:10:04 You know who was on the no-fly list I just read? Ted Kennedy. Ted Kennedy, the senator from America. You know, from a famous family, old money, etc. One who drowned that hooker that time. Well, maybe that's why he was on the no-fly list. But anyway, he was on the no-fly list.
Starting point is 00:10:19 There's a list of people on the no-fly list who are always like, what? Me? I think there were 17 Department of Homeland Security members who were on the no-fly list. Or maybe it was 170. Like the number one sevens that stuck in my head. Is it hard to get off the no-fly list though? Yes. For all those guys, it seems like they'd be like, oh, I'm a Kennedy.
Starting point is 00:10:35 There clearly is an error. And then they fix it. But for like Joe Smith down the street who works as a plumber, like if he walks in and he has to go to the plum convention, you know, in Nashville once a year and he can't get on the plane, like what's that guy going to do? There's a, I mean, most people don't know this,
Starting point is 00:10:51 but Dr. Chase is on the no-fly list. Oh. I just made that up. Oh. He's going to be on the no-fail-way list. Yeah. He made some anti-government remarks back in the day.
Starting point is 00:11:01 He's been on it ever since. We should just run with that on the real PKA. Let's do it. They saw him wearing that hat and they thought he was an undercover redcoat. So Patreons, you guys know the secret. It's total bullshit. This week on
Starting point is 00:11:14 PKA we're going to pitch that Dr. Chip is on the no-fly list. Yeah. We all need to come up with at least two reasons why he's on the no-fly list and before the next show we'll get together and do the questions. All right. It would have had to have happened to him within the last four years or something. He's spoken about his air travel prior to roughly that time period.
Starting point is 00:11:37 So sometime in the last four years, what would be topical to frame him up as being like... Maybe he went online and he said some things in regard to what event in the last four years that would get him flagged. Why couldn't it be six years ago? He could be an Obama threat. He's pretty moderate, I guess.
Starting point is 00:11:59 I don't know that he's a fan, but he's certainly not a hater, I don't think. He's not into sports, so it could be something like that. I was headed that way, too. way too threatening to kill a quarterback on the obama thing just to wrap that up um one that there is a problem with the no fly list gun thing because the no fly list they need the flexibility to put that people on that without a real due process you know they need to just you can't fly to the list you know all of a sudden like like maybe they say well i don't like that guy he doesn't but i'll take his right away i kind of like the list the way it is because i don't want them to have to go through nine months of court and you know it's not one of those deals where it's better to let a thousand
Starting point is 00:12:38 people go free than to convict one guilty person the no fly list they're like ah some fishy about you yeah you know but then when they, that's something fishy about you. But then when they extend that to the gun thing, you can't just go like that. They'll put you on that no-fly list for creating a disturbance at the airport. Maybe you just had a meltdown and pissed off the TSA while you were there. They'll put you on that thing. You could have
Starting point is 00:12:59 had a dispute over your luggage and started screaming and cursing and just lost your temper and all of a sudden you can't buy a firearm. have complete autonomy to do whatever they want like the tsa they can put you on that list like oh look at fucking five ounces of shampoo guy over here throw him on the list like how dirty is your hair motherfucker the big takeaway i took from the obama speech was don't be scared don't cower goes you know like pressure on america and i'm like obama i am not nearly the pussy you think i am like i stopped thinking about that that's a dead story you know like for all i know the what 14 people died is that even the most deaths that
Starting point is 00:13:40 weekend there might have been a pile up in fucking Chicago that was worse than that. See, alright, so here's what you have to do with these incidents, though, that I don't think you're realizing. It's not the death toll. That's not it at all. Because people die every day. In any situation, you say, oh, 5,000 people got nuked? Well,
Starting point is 00:14:00 how many people died today? 870,000? Well, pales in comparison. Barely even a blip on the radar the point is that someone intentionally went out and did this to our country and our and our fellow like citizens like someone set out to do this bad thing to us for for a purpose like that i think each of us gets to choose what would cause us to give a flying fuck? And in my case, like that tidal wave, the tsunami in like Japan. You seem very numbers driven though. Like you're very numbers driven and like, well, this is nothing compared to that.
Starting point is 00:14:33 But I think I align more with what Kyle's saying as far as like, it's not so much the number of 14 that should jump out and be like, oh my God, that's scary. It's the fact that it's a very pointed attack with no real aim. Just anyone over here, they wanted to fuck up when that when that tidal wave hit i don't think it was japan where did it hit indonesia indonesia when that tidal wave hit indonesia i sat there there's a lot of footage of it and i'm a i don't know even know what i am now i haven't been tested in swimming but let's say that in my head i am an extremely strong swimmer right like blue belt yeah okay um i sit there and look at it and i'm like i don't
Starting point is 00:15:11 know that i could just keep a float in that that was fucking rough you know like and and there's lots of heavy things in there like batting you around of course you couldn't it's a tsunami there's no way that you would be just like... You were sitting there, real sticky thinking... No, I really am, yeah. I wonder if I could out-swim a tsunami. Yeah, I could do it. I think I could easily go down Whitewater Rapids. I don't even know how many hurricanes I've surfed.
Starting point is 00:15:36 That's way different than a tsunami, though. If you could stay afloat, what are you going to do when that first shard of fiberglass comes sailing through your thigh? That's the challenge. Or when that road posts just right through your neck. Not even that. Like you're floating downriver, and now a house is floating downriver too. You're nothing compared to it. Automobiles are in this thing, you know?
Starting point is 00:15:58 And I'm just like, this is a really tough position. Michael Phelps might die in a tsunami. Of course he would. Not of course. There's not a person on this planet that would beps might die in a tsunami. Of course he would. Not of course. There's not a person on this planet that would be able to survive in a tsunami. You don't have to swim against it. You just need to stay afloat. I don't think it's as hard
Starting point is 00:16:13 as you think it is. A dolphin wouldn't survive. I bet tons of people survived it. Not that we're in the rough getting swept under. I disagree. Even if you forget about all the other shit In the rough, getting swept under. I disagree. They might have lucked out and floated on something. Your trajectory.
Starting point is 00:16:27 Even if you forget about all the other shit in there, there's a house that hasn't been toppled 200 yards ahead of you, and you're going fast. You're going to run into that house. You're not strong enough to swim out of that or angle yourself. There's so much shit and thick, murky water. There's no way. like angle yourself. Like there's so much shit and thick,
Starting point is 00:16:43 murky water. Like I just, there's no way you could like maybe what he's like a, you know, red frit, thin elite, you know, water master.
Starting point is 00:16:50 And I'm underestimating him, but I just, there's no way. I don't know. Well, I'll say I'll agree that it's really hard and that, uh, it's pretty fucked.
Starting point is 00:16:57 So, uh, you can see that point, like all these fucking lazy shit. The ocean was there the whole time. The, uh, uh, but that thing. But that thing, it was horrific. It seemed inescapable. People who had positions on solid buildings,
Starting point is 00:17:14 like concrete apartments and stuff like that, were still getting washed away. It was really bad. I hear 14 people died in a shooting, and I'm like, this is only a story until the Sixers actually win another fucking game well that may be true but i don't know you know what i mean though but like it's the context of how it happened like 14 people getting shot like for no it's easier to reconcile
Starting point is 00:17:38 a natural disaster because it is unavoidable than something like a shooting that is avoidable and it's like you kind of put yourself in that position like what if i was at a work party having a piece of you know cardboardy dominoes and then i got shot in the side of the head like that's awful that could happen like i don't know it's just pretty fucked up and i know kyle's on that side too right kyle is that on topic or or that's just that that's a picture that's a guy standing in the uh taking the full brunt of the tsunami on the beach. He just stands there and takes it. That was a bad plan, but I can look at it.
Starting point is 00:18:15 This is, if you start at three minutes and 20 seconds, you kind of get, you know, the lead up to it. And then. All right. Does it go poorly? No, he's good. He was a collegiate swimmer too. Oh. Are you guys ready?
Starting point is 00:18:24 Yeah. Ready, set, play. Here it comes. It's coming very quickly. He's good. And he's dead. And he's dead! He's not dead yet.
Starting point is 00:18:41 You can't float in that? If you can't swim, you can't swim! I forgot! You're a doggy paddler You don't know shit dead He's a collegiate swimmer too But I don't know my tsunami knowledge is not up to par I suppose mine isn't either but it seemed seemed like a quarter million people weren't able to out swim it. So based on those
Starting point is 00:19:08 numbers, Woody's like, well hey the whole population didn't drown, did they? There were some swimmers out there. I just feel like it wouldn't be a matter of swimming though. I just feel like there's like an under toe thing going on there where you're just getting sucked into the front edge
Starting point is 00:19:24 of that thing no problem it's a weird like kind of wave like it's not those the waves that you would surf that kind of do this over and over like like it's still just doing this you know the tsunami wave comes all the way in and then goes all the way out but it's not i like in a mortar of river situation where you're like in the flow of it and it just keeps going and going if the river was going through downtown san diego that's the biggest challenge of it right like because like aside from the rocks in the river if it was just the if the river was white rapids white water but six feet deep it wouldn't be that frightening to me it'd be a good time actually but because there's rocks you could hit all of a sudden like oh that's a tough
Starting point is 00:20:05 situation and as you pointed out before like you might not be able to avoid the path of the rock in time like even if you knew it was coming the tsunami's like that too but the next level you know there's levels it'll run you into a tree it'll run you into a building it's the top level i think like i guess if an asteroid hit and created a mega tsunami, that would be the top tier level. I don't think you'd swim out of that. It would be neat Are you close enough to the ocean, Woody, that you would actually
Starting point is 00:20:33 be affected? The real question is, could you fight a shark in the tsunami? Then what would happen? I know you could, Kyle. I could fight the shark, but if the tsunami came, then it's really hard. Come on, have some self confidence. If I had some of the life vest.
Starting point is 00:20:48 If you like zip tie you two together, you're unstoppable. Back to back. Like back to back. He's doing the swimming and I'm fighting the shark. With my ice axes. I am. A guy jumped off
Starting point is 00:21:04 a cruise ship like three weeks ago i think we talked about on the show didn't we watched it it looked awful i so i think about that situation sometimes and i'm like well how would i survive that um one i feel like people make a really big deal out of a 50 foot jump like it's instant death when you hit the water horseshit i've done that it's not that big a jump like it what is the jump where like you hit terminal velocity and it's like hitting concrete like how high does that have to be i don't know i know that my my friend jumped 68 feet i wasn't there that day um but i i imagine if your technique is bad, that could go really wrong. If your technique is bad, that could kill you for sure.
Starting point is 00:21:47 So from what little I know about, because I've watched a few of those programs about cliff diving. And also about those guys who do the skin diving and do those breath techniques where they go really deep and hold their breath for a long period of time. But there's a way they hold their hands when they dive headfirst to break the surface tension of the water. That's what it is. It's the surface tension of the water that makes it like hitting concrete. If you can pierce that and go through, apparently that's the right way to do it
Starting point is 00:22:15 and how those guys jump from high distances and don't dive. I don't have those talents. I would try. I would be like, alright, just like on the Discovery Channel, here we go. What if my neck's bent out a little bit and it just instantly snaps my neck? You're going head first. We just went feet first, mostly. And we would do heels together, heel first.
Starting point is 00:22:35 You know, toes pointed up, heels first. Break the surface tension, fly right in. If you fuck up, you get, like, an enema. Cool. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Well, that's the other yeah that happened to now i'm interested george cariannis played for temple football look him up got an
Starting point is 00:22:51 enema on the 34th street bridge ask him about it i've never jumped from that high into water before but i would like i have this panic of like you know when you throw one of those weeble wobble things that kind of, like, spins awkwardly? Like, I feel like I would jump and put, like, a little bit too much pressure going forward or a little bit too much leaning back, and, like, halfway through my straight-down foot-first fall, I'd be like,
Starting point is 00:23:18 oh, oh, oh, just, like, slowly rotating, and I'd kill myself, and I couldn't live that down. I'd have to be buried in an unmarked grave, because I wouldn't trust my friends to write something nice on my tombstone. I had a friend that died doing that. My cousin used to always go and jump off. Yeah, I don't know what that is. My cousin used to always go and jump off these bridges and these little overhangs.
Starting point is 00:23:40 I won't call them a cliff because it's not a cliff. That makes me imagine some surfside super like super jump that's a hundred feet or something not a cliff per se but jumping 20 to maybe 40 feet uh into the water and part of it was don't hit the rocks you know because there's rocks right there and it's like hey just don't hit the rocks and i was like i won't because i'm not gonna jump and uh and i just remember like i didn jump, and I didn't jump that day, and I never went back again. But one of his friends who was there with him that day jumping, who I'd seen jump, jumped, hit his head, drowned, and died.
Starting point is 00:24:15 You watched him die? I wasn't there. No. And it was funny because my dad had a dream about it. My dad literally warned my cousin. He goes, are you still jumping off those bridges and stuff? I was standing there and listening to the whole conversation. He's like, are you still jumping off those bridges and stuff?
Starting point is 00:24:30 He's like, yeah, yeah, we're going this weekend. He's like, I had a dream about that. I dreamt you got hurt real bad. Don't do that. And that weekend, the guy's friend died. It was kind of surreal. But I don't think I'll be much of a cliff diver anytime soon.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Mostly because of that. Because that dude died. It can't be that exciting that it's worth dying. No, I feel like it'd be fun a little bit, but if I really wanted to do that, I'd go somewhere where they got a high board and do it in a controlled environment in a pool where I can see the bottom.
Starting point is 00:25:02 It's like 33 feet. That's high enough. That's plenty for me. We used to jump in a... That would can see the bottom. They only go up 10 meters, like 33 feet. That's high enough. That's plenty for me. We used to jump in a... That would concern me a little. It was a mildly controlled environment, so we tended to jump off bridges. And if you don't know bridges that well,
Starting point is 00:25:15 I'm sure somebody doesn't, but with the tide going up and down, there's a sign next to it, and they just put the numbers, right? So if the water says 10, then it's 10 feet deep there if the tide goes down then it'll be i guess you know seven feet deep or if it goes up it'll be 14 so we knew how deep it was all we needed was lookouts to make sure that boats weren't going across and then you needed to know the tide because uh if the tide was going the wrong way
Starting point is 00:25:41 it would take you away from the dock and that was a bad situation like it it moves so fast that it would take a a really good swimmer to swim against the tide you really want it taking you to the dock so yeah yeah i just don't want anywhere near that there was a story you need a tour guide five or yeah i would i'd trust it with you actually i don't know i'd want to watch you go through the whole motion first oh i would do it i would do it five times you'd be like you coming this time because there's another one coming no now you're tired and you can't save me no there was a story um here like six years ago maybe uh the mississippi river like right by it goes straight through st louis it's big brown, muddy, fast-moving river. And a group of, like, six teenagers were all hanging out next to the Mississippi River for no reason.
Starting point is 00:26:30 I don't know why you would. And someone jumped in. And the other five, like, the guy jumped into the Mississippi and then started flowing down real quick and started screaming that he couldn't swim, which is a really awful idea. All five of the other ones jumped in after him floated down the river the initial guy ended up like running by some other like nice probably not a fisherman because that river is disgusting but someone fished him out and all five of the other people drowned in the river damn did they suck at swimming uh you know they weren't good enough to swim but it's also you've seen that
Starting point is 00:27:06 river right like it's yes a few hundred like in some places it's like a half mile i think i think you really overestimate the swimming skills of the rest of the population i guess and like i doubt that like when you jump in the river it's like you know half mile it just keeps you right on this little edge like it probably sucks you right into the middle and suddenly it's like i couldn't swim out there and grab that guy and bring him back you know like not to say i'm some titan of swimming like like kyle says i can swim the length of a pool and back as well yeah yeah like like in in a normal environment i just never needed to swim much farther than that you know one end of the pool to the other and back or something like that
Starting point is 00:27:43 about five years ago we went camping on a lake and of the pool to the other and back or something like that. It wasn't that long. About five years ago, we went camping on a lake, and you couldn't see the other side. And I was like, I'm going to swim to the other side. And everyone was like, no, no, don't do it, don't do it. And I'm like, I'm insulted. You think I can't swim across a fucking lake. And I did. I swam over and I swam back.
Starting point is 00:28:05 You did, but think about how much resentment and anger Jackie and the kids would have if the last thing they saw was arrogant old Woody swimming down the fucking lake. Hector Lake. She's like, got the kids back home later. Colin has to ask, where's dad?
Starting point is 00:28:21 Oh, well, your jackass of a father decided that he could swim across the lake. He wanted to impress Judy. Yeah, you would make it, but even more than the fear of drowning or getting tired, even if it's a lake and I know there's no monster
Starting point is 00:28:35 or anything in there, I can't shake the feeling of something's going to grab me. I hate it. You know what would really make me go into a panic? What would make me, from fear, where I would just be unable to deal
Starting point is 00:28:49 with it, I think, is scuba diving at night in murky water. I hear about those search and rescue divers who go in in tragedies and get the people who die when boats go down and stuff. I was playing Fallout the other night and had to go down and do some stuff in some dark, murky stuff. I was playing Fallout the other night
Starting point is 00:29:05 and had to go down and do some stuff in some dark, murky water. I was just like... Melissa did that same thing. She gave me the controller and made me play a part where she had to swim in the murky water. Really?
Starting point is 00:29:17 That's really common. That must be pretty immersive. I almost had a panic attack probably five years ago, six years ago now. I was out on a sea kayak with a girl. And it was just like one of those little kayaks. We could still see the beach a couple hundred yards away.
Starting point is 00:29:33 And she thought it would be funny when we were out there sitting in it that she was going to like grab the sides and do like the rocket, try and rock me out. And at first I was like, oh, okay, all right, stop. Like stop, stop, stop. And it ended up she kept trying to do it and I almost fell out I started screaming loud enough to hear like stop fucking rocking the boat there's sharks in here just yelling wait was it salt water it was okay I was just checking I was oh I still remember the feeling of like I was getting all sweaty and cold and clammy my heart was beating so fast
Starting point is 00:30:08 and I just wanted to leap across and I'm like I'm far enough away from shore I could strangle you and kill you right now it would look like drowning it would look like drowning besides fingertips as they say we were
Starting point is 00:30:24 at Jekyll Island which is is, I think, off the coast of Georgia. I think I was 12 when I went or something like that. And the water never seemed to get much higher than, like, chest level, but not, like, below my nipples. And no matter how far we walked out, and we walked really, really far out until you could barely see the beach. And we were walking around feeling with our feet for conch shells. far we walked out and we walked really really far out until you could barely see the beach and we were walking around feeling with our feet for conch shells. I don't know if that's
Starting point is 00:30:48 a technical word for them but you know those big ass seashells that are like that long. You mean the anonymous ones, yeah. Yeah and so you know they would prick your foot and kind of go down and pull them up and I'm walking around with a bag full of them. We thought we'd take them home and make souvenirs out of them. They smelled so awful because they're alive in there, you know? It was rotting like shellfish in the back of the van. But anyway, our feet were pricked and bleeding from stepping on the shells and we're just out there in this, I mean, it was so brown and dirty. There was
Starting point is 00:31:19 actually a wildfire in Florida at the time, so that was like, somehow that makes the water darker. I guess the smoke, there was so. Somehow that makes the water darker. I guess the smoke, there was so much smoke pollution that the water was actually darker than normal. It didn't look healthy to even be in. But I just remember thinking, this is the stupidest thing ever. And someone was like, what? What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:31:36 I was like, well, we're out here bleeding in this murky water so far from shore. He's like, what do you mean bleeding? I was like, your feet aren't bleeding? He's like, hell no, you're bleeding? Wait for me. shore he's like what do you mean bleeding i was like your feet aren't bleeding he's like hell no you're bleeding so that's the end of that day so you really you were the i was bleeding i must because like every time i stepped on one it's like ah god all right got another one hope it's big you know but i remember i brought all these things home in a big... Were you stomping for shells? Well, you know, you're walking along. You might take 30 steps, 40 steps.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Oh, how deep is the water? Like chest deep, something like that. You should be light on your feet. It was deep enough that you were getting lifted off a little bit, but I just remember my feet were all... They're sharp. They're sharp. They got those little prickers on them.
Starting point is 00:32:21 But I can still remember the smell of that container of shellfish, whatever the fuck they are, on the way back from Florida. It was awful. Jersey seashells don't usually come in that shape. But I think you'll back me on this. We do get that smell. Y'all got the smell down. Yeah, it smells like there's a factory in New Jersey
Starting point is 00:32:41 that does nothing but rot seashells. That's so unfair. He has not been to much of a jersey. What do you make here? Well, make. We like to keep the seashells out and watch them rot. Really? Welcome to Compost International.
Starting point is 00:32:55 It's a stolen line. But there was that one summer when I picked up all the girls and took them to the movies. I used to tell them that I had the largest seashell collection in the world and that I kept it scattered seashell collection in the world and that I kept it scattered up and down the east coast. Awful. Were they like, oh Woody, thank God you brought that wet floor sign. Take me
Starting point is 00:33:16 here. Never. Let's go watch a bad 70s movie and make out. That's awful. It's not as bad because it was before the internet and they hadn't seen that on a Jezebel top 10 list of goofy come on lines. Will you say something, Kyle?
Starting point is 00:33:37 I was going to... No, I changed my mind about what I was going to say. All right. As far as saying anything at all? Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say. As far as saying anything at all? Yeah. I was going to say we could talk about the knife some, but then I was thinking maybe we should wait until we've got more information
Starting point is 00:33:51 to give. Hopefully we can talk about it on Thursday slash Saturday. I'm going to try to do something cool. Yeah, I'm psyched for that. It will be neat. Now that Arnold Schwarzenegger is done with his lifting, he wants everybody else to stop eating meat.
Starting point is 00:34:08 He's eating more chickens than anyone on the planet. That's the most hypocritical thing that he would say, go vegetarian part-time to save the planet. He's got his fill. He wouldn't listen to that advice 30 years ago. No, he would not. Now he's done with the hobby, so he thinks it's dangerous and he needs't listen to that advice 30 years ago no he would die now he's done with the hobby so he thinks he's danger it's dangerous and he needs everybody else to fix it i'm not
Starting point is 00:34:29 gonna not eat meat arnold because let's take let's take guesses as to how old arnold schwarzenegger is 68 63 i'm gonna go older i'm gonna say well 68 is pretty old. Price is right rules or just closest rules? Closest, I guess. I'm going to say 63. 63. 68. Taylor nailed it.
Starting point is 00:34:58 If you hadn't taken 68, I would have come in near there. 68 years old. Looks good for a 68-year-old, but not good enough to be telling us we can't eat meat anymore. Eat the global supply of chickens low. Dude, this weekend is some of the... So first of all, Joe fights Friday.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Oh, yeah. Who's he fighting? Dunham or something like that. The guy has like 15 ufc fights or something like he's been he's a vet um so i i it doesn't matter who joe fights i'm always nervous for him i you know i if he yeah loss is always bad no matter what, and a win is just what's expected. Yeah, but that's better. And if he fights someone who represents a huge challenge,
Starting point is 00:35:52 then I worry in that regard. If he fights someone who represents no challenge, then I worry, well, what if? I think I'm just wired to worry a lot. And yeah, it's a fight. So it's not like with football. I feel like you can. It's pretty in some situations, like when one team is clearly better than the other.
Starting point is 00:36:13 You can you can you can guess who's going to win really well. You can prognosticate that quite accurately. Like, you know, when the best team plays. Yeah, we know when like a top tier team plays a bottom tier team that like 80 percent of the time top tier teams win unless the patriots play the eagles but carry on right like that's a specific example in my head right now like every now and then that does happen of course but i feel like with fighting it's it's not so much so it because there's always especially in ufc where and the higher the weight classes go the the more this is true because they've got
Starting point is 00:36:46 what do you say they got dynamite in their hands or whatever they yeah that works those guys can just a a punch that one punch not got power it might just seem like something like that and they've got enough in that to knock you out they might arm punch you and you're off balance and hit you in the chin just right and they're just trying to make your brain vibrate a little bit that's all they're doing they're just trying to make your brain vibrate a little bit. That's all they're doing. They're just trying to make your jawbone resonate enough that your brain turns off long enough for a guy in a black shirt to say you lost.
Starting point is 00:37:12 They don't have to beat you to death. They could just be like that and over. Is this Joe Lozon fight UFC? I'm looking at UFC 194 and it doesn't show his little card. He's actually the night before that and it's I think the his little card. So he's actually the night before that and it's I think the Tough 22 finale show that he's on.
Starting point is 00:37:31 They've got like multiple things they do. Yeah, that weekend, every event is sold out that weekend. There's no seats that you can buy. McGregor, he fights? He does, 194. So he'll fight the next day. He fights Jose Aldo. Who are you picking there?
Starting point is 00:37:44 I saw that Aldo's what the hell i i saw that that i saw something and maybe you know what i'm talking about it was something like they asked him like what he's gonna do to uh connor's chicken legs and he was like i'm going to break them something like that they had something like i remember i did see that and they're like what's gonna happen if you kick colin he's what happens if colin checks your kicks they asked he goes i break the leg you know yeah it was it was great chicken legs he does have uh skinnier legs than he might want i don't i don't know he doesn't seem to have like professional your calves are better. He has to maintain a low weight.
Starting point is 00:38:26 Look at this guy. Is it going to be John Jones? No, the guy that he's fighting. Cover up that guy's Jose Aldo. Cover the top part of his body with your hand and then imagine that that's your dad. He just got out of the bathroom when you were little. That's what it looks like. Not very
Starting point is 00:38:42 defined. At least with Conor McGregor, you can see that thigh chisel there. The other guy, I don't know. He's 25-1, so I guess he's doing something right. It's not a good picture. So Jose Aldo, the guy on the left. He's wearing socks. He actually, I think that's the overlay.
Starting point is 00:38:58 They just do that to him on purpose. They're making him look like shit. Dude, so that guy has some of the like for the weight class undoubtedly the roughest kicks in the weight class and you know in terms of technique and stuff there's very few people in all the oc that you'd rather be kicked by it's or less preferred to be kicked by i'm saying it weird but his leg kicks are brutal so brutal and um conor mcgugger comes from a boxing background historically boxers are are bad at dealing with kicks so it's a big part of the fight but you know jose alto's legs kicks are no secret
Starting point is 00:39:33 and conor's been training for him for a year now you know he was supposed to fight him in july so uh one would guess that he has a counter to kicks i don't know do you expect conor to come out kicking or to conor to come out with a takedown uh not a takedown but i absolutely expect him to throw some ridiculous kind of wheel kick karate kid oh that's my leg shit uh leg kick no he he throws these like heel kicks i can't i remember it was very it's entertaining it's uh dude it's every fight he has a new one and you're like i don't even know what the point of it is. They're so wild. He's never hit one.
Starting point is 00:40:08 He knows we're watching. I like him. I think it's a thing that he, well, one, it'd be awesome if it hit and be entertaining. But I think that part of it is like, I'm going to make you watch for this. You know, like this is just to set up my body blows and keeping your hands up or down or whatever i saw i saw some um fight footage of a guy recently who has some some sort of dance fighting style maybe it was on reddit capoeira i couldn't you know if i i wouldn't know but it really he really was like dancing the whole time he met he was constantly in motion and then he turned that into combinations
Starting point is 00:40:43 and they continue dancing it was great and oh it's knockouts when he got a knockout he would just freeze in position like he wouldn't even look at what he just did it was like a drop the mic kind of knockout like like he'd get like a a kick or was he black good dark skinned nobody sounds autistic skinny black guy like like like he'd land the blow that he knew in his head was going to knock this guy out and he wouldn't even watch the guy fall he just frees in position like after he had thrown it and and and just like i don't know he's very entertaining it was in an octagon yeah i think so yeah he's going to come back to bite him one of these days when he overestimates how hard he hits someone they stumble out of his field i think he kicked this guy in the mouth
Starting point is 00:41:21 that there's a guy who's won at least two or three fights that way. Like, he just knocked him out so solid. Like, if this is the guy, bam! Like that. And he's been right each time. He's an interesting guy. I don't know how he'd do at the UFC level, but he's a great striker. That style, I think Kyle was talking about is capoeira.
Starting point is 00:41:43 I don't know if the story's true but the the legend is that in brazil they outlined outlawed fight training so they disguised fighting as dancing and they would just sit there and practice all the time with their capoeira by the fire and whatever and they were actually training to fight, but in reality, but in whatever. It's pretty creative. It looked like a dance. I don't know. But, yeah, dude, every fight on this card, I'm looking at it. So, of course, Adam McGregor is hugely interesting. Weidman Rockhold might be more interesting.
Starting point is 00:42:16 I like that. By the way, Weidman is somehow sponsored by Gamma Labs, so he and I are like bros. But he treats us right before the match. Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah, that's how it works. Sousa and Romero are fighting. Dude, this guy Romero... If you can tell who's a steroid user by looks,
Starting point is 00:42:37 this guy, Yul Romero, is the biggest juicer in the history of Earth. He's... And he's from Cuba, so that's like it's easy to get them and there's a lot there's like a history of cuban roy people this is going to be an incredible fight he's a he's not a normal human but it'll be fun to watch him maya nelson oh my god damian maya they're both grappling legends holloway stevens the whole card is incredible and then of course joe's on the card before it go ahead I'm interrupting Michael Page that's the
Starting point is 00:43:07 dance fighter check out his video real quick like it's it's three minutes long but like the first I don't know 30 seconds gets the point across all right you cute up yep ready set play audio is awful by the way. On this video. He's like dusting off his hands. Hmm. That's the fight I saw. I feel like this shit wouldn't fly in UFC, where they're way better trained. Some fighters aren't impressed with this showboating. He would kick my ass, clearly. Look at him not looking at his opponent.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Oh, I love that! I love that! Like, I love to watch this. Because it's two-phase, really. Like, one, I'm like, whoa, look at this. Either this guy's a badass and I'm going to watch him dominate. Or he's a cocky asshole and I'm going to watch him get caught. I'm happy either way.
Starting point is 00:44:10 It's the second. Is it the second? I mean, come on, look at that. He made that guy look so bad. What promotion is this? UCMM? I don't know. I couldn't say.
Starting point is 00:44:24 UCMA? This is a highlight video, so this could be years old. I think here he is in the octagon, right? I love watching people like this just get shit on. That's what I was talking about, yeah. He has a couple walk-off wins like that. Yeah, I know this guy. I don't know why he's not in the UFC.
Starting point is 00:44:44 Are you sure he's not? I'm sure he wasn't when I looked. I think you're right. I see a video that says he should be in the UFC. It's a highlight video. But yeah, I find this to be extremely entertaining. I found Silva, when he would do that stuff, to be just infuriating. He's in Bellator.
Starting point is 00:45:07 What's that mean? Yeah, it's Bellator. So Bellator is a rival promotion. And I guess if you were to rank them, UFC is the top one. Bellator is the next one. And then below that used to be Strikeforce. And then UFC bought them. Now I forget who's below them.
Starting point is 00:45:25 But anyway, the point I'm making is that the UFC just never takes fighters from Bellator. They just won't do it. And the message that they're sending is, if you go to Bellator, our biggest competitor, then your career is over. You'll never make it to the UFC. So it's super difficult to jump from the UFC,c i'm sorry from bellator to the ufc can you make a career in bellator yes yeah just like you can make a career in the cfl ah so it's it's that much smaller yeah yeah yeah so i mean like i bet i know you're not a huge ufc fan i bet you can name a couple of fighters.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Like does Conor McGregor ring a bell? Does Ronda Rousey ring a bell? Yeah. Anderson Silva, George St. Pierre, GSP. That big fat country guy. Right, right. Big country. Yeah, big country.
Starting point is 00:46:19 That's his nickname, big country. I bet if I listed off 10 guys, I could get like six or seven to ring a bell uh and then on bellator i bet that number might be zero yeah totally yeah so who has made the bridge like are there any that kyle and i might have heard of who's started at bellator and it was just so good the ufc couldn't ignore them i literally can't think of a single bellator fighter who the ufc's ever picked up has i'm trying to think if the u the UFC's ever picked up. I'm trying to think if the UFC's ever made any big acquisitions at all, because I remember when they wanted Fedor, it seemed that they couldn't make it happen.
Starting point is 00:46:53 Yeah, they have. They bought Strikeforce, which is actually, it brought in a couple. I mean, like an individual. Like, there's them. Like, I bet the fighters that were under Strikeforce were, I bet it was much, much cheaper to buy Strikeforce than it would have been to poach their fighters. Might have been, because they'd be bidding wars and stuff. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Never even heard of Strikeforce. When Pride collapsed, the UFC got a lot of cool people. Crow Crop was a big name. Wanderlei Silva was a big name. Anderson Silva. He came from Pride, kind of. Isn't there a league like in Japan? That was Pride.
Starting point is 00:47:27 Oh, there we go. I don't know if UFC talk is interesting to people, but Michael Page is pretty neat. I'd love to see how these guys do in the UFC. I like that fighting style. I like that it's... I've seen so many guys...
Starting point is 00:47:43 There's an orthodox style that you see time and time again, whether it's a stand-up guy or a submission guy, and it seems like it boils down to sort of a takedown defense, and if he can stuff you, and then you don't have the tools to deal with his stand-up or his leg kicks or whatever he brings to the table, then that's just all
Starting point is 00:47:59 MMA is about. But when I see somebody like this, who's like, nah, fuck all those rules I like to dance like no no keep the music like he comes in with his intro music he's like just keep that bump in the whole fight I don't think he dances as much as you think I think you're watching him of course it's a highlight video but yeah he dances more than uh than most fighters though like I don't dance at all who um was it sugar ray robinson he used to like you know be like you know like that kind of crazy i know ali was about that a little bit you know he
Starting point is 00:48:32 had the ali shuffle he was a he was a showboater showman type you know uh the the whole rope a dope thing he'd be looking like he's got nothing he's got nothing you know he grabbed their head and laugh at him for a minute then they go back to trying to hurt him i've been watching some old fights lately, a bunch of Ali stuff, Ali Frazier in particular, Ali Foreman I watched. Yeah, I've seen all those. I like those fights.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Dude. It was interesting to see the transformation he made before and after the Vietnam thing. Before, he was this greased lightning, so fucking fast, just extra tier above everyone else where he could make you miss but he didn't have that when he came back and he had to he had to come up with something new and he did he made it work for the most part yeah he became real elusive his defense was fantastic when
Starting point is 00:49:16 he came back his offense was great beforehand people i was reading this article by jack slack on whether tyson could beat muhammad ali, one of the things I took away from it was there's a peak Tyson, right? Right before Tyson went to prison roughly or maybe right before he fought Buster Douglas, like there is a version of Tyson that is the best one. For Muhammad Ali, there is no best Muhammad Ali or at least it's debatable.
Starting point is 00:49:43 There's the one whose defense kind of sucked, but was, like Kyle said, grease lightning, super fast, and relied on the speed advantage. And then there's the post one who is a much smarter fighter, but it didn't have the same physical gifts. And this expert, he never really said, I don't think one would beat the other, but I think he pretty much picked Tyson in that.
Starting point is 00:50:06 Yeah, I've watched highlight videos of both. That is my research. I don't know shit about boxing. Just watching Muhammad Ali highlight, Mike Tyson highlight. It looks like Mike Tyson would not only win, but would beat the shit out of him. Just the difference in the times of the sport um his power like it it puts him like he doesn't even look like a human and he's knocking out people like a head taller than
Starting point is 00:50:32 me that's like in it that's one of the things like in um in a football everyone kind of recognizes, like who's the worst team in football this year? Let me help you. I don't know. Let's say it's the Lions. I don't know who's the worst. The Lions usually competing for that. The Lions would beat the shit out of that Green Bay Packers team that won the first Super Bowl, right? Can we all just agree that?
Starting point is 00:51:00 Oh, yeah. Right? They'd be so much faster and so much stronger and so much more sophisticated, like in terms of how the sport has evolved in terms of offenses and defenses. They're not getting drunk at halftime, like laughing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:15 But somehow in boxing, they don't do that. They generally look at them and say, yeah, I think Floyd Patterson would really beat today's heavyweight champ. And I don't know why it's so different. I would have guessed that like every other sport, they advance, but not according to people who understand it better than me. Yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:51:33 It seems like everything stayed the same, except for what they may or may not be putting into their bodies. It seems like people have always trained really hard. It seems like people have always, you know, same gloves virtually, you know, same ring, same shorts. The equipment isn't moving around. Who cares about their mouthpieces? It's getting the same shit done.
Starting point is 00:51:51 So it's really just the man in there. And some of those guys, I watch a lot of years. Maybe a more technical or dedicated regimen as far as training, you know, because, like, the sport progresses. Yeah, I feel like MMA training's advanced a ton. We were just talking about Al Alquinta hitting dots on the wall and training his peripheral vision. I know swimming, my swim coach,
Starting point is 00:52:14 so this is a long time ago when I swam, even longer when he swam, they used to just practice racing. They'd be like, alright, ready, go. And everyone would like balls to the wall for a couple hundred yards until they couldn't go anymore they just practiced racing that was how they trained um you know then when by the time i swam it was just laps and laps of you know yardage and conditioning from what i understand with like olympic level swimming especially like
Starting point is 00:52:38 the suit has made an enormous difference right like it's not really even fair to compare michael phelps speed records and stuff with like his predecessors who didn't have that suit right uh it makes a big difference uh they'd break those records anyway i think suit or no suit they're all so close that little differences make a big deal um what suit was phelps wearing so in the old days they wore those tiny little banana hammocks. Now they wear like long pants essentially and it's slicker than human skin so they have less resistance as they
Starting point is 00:53:11 pull themselves through the water. Yeah and some guys even wear like a tank top pant you know outfit that goes from top to bottom. I'm not sure if they still do. I feel like the pants are the popular thing now. I've never watched a swimming event.
Starting point is 00:53:29 I watched half of one when the Michael Phelps mania was happening, and I was like, I can't get into this. Yeah, I watched it too. I've watched Phelps swim a bunch. I find him more interesting off camera. There's always some like, and it's just they're trying to make us watch commercials, but there are always some athletes
Starting point is 00:53:46 that they put up there that we should be watching. I remember the Winter Olympics, they're always really struggling. Usually they get that red-headed snowboarding guy. What's his name? Sean White. Yeah, Sean White.
Starting point is 00:53:59 He's NBC's hero when Olympic Winter Games coverage time comes around. But I remember one year, I don't know what, maybe he smoked too many doobies and they wouldn't let him compete or something, but they had to go to Apollo Anton Ono back in, say, 2006 Winter Olympics, I think.
Starting point is 00:54:15 Yeah, Romney saved that event. Romney saved that event, sure did. He stood on that as he was campaigning. He was like, look at this other thing I did. Handled that nicely, didn't I? But Apollo Anton Ono and this Brody guy, the skier. And there was this guy. Brody Miller.
Starting point is 00:54:34 Yeah, yeah. Bodie. That was it, I think. Everybody was blowing this guy up. Like NBC is like, this could be a record-setting year for sports. This Bodie Miller guy, he's just got more talent than anybody on the field. He could get 14 medals or whatever it was. He had an opportunity because of the games he was competing in
Starting point is 00:54:53 to win an unprecedented amount of gold or something like that. And he just sucked. He fucked up his main event, like the one he's supposed to be number one at, and placed maybe silver and bronze or something like that, which is an accomplishment, right? But not if you're the guy. It's nice to win a bronze medal if you go back home and teach economics for the rest of your life.
Starting point is 00:55:12 It sucks to win the bronze if you've been trying to win the gold since you were 11 and this was your last year to go. There are guys who are just on a different level of that Olympic athlete stuff. They take it seriously. I remember that messed with his head. There was a whole story about how he was was gonna get redemption the next time around and that didn't happen either i like watching people fail some olympic sports just aren't as good though like if you ever watch olympic hockey there's a huge gaggle of people who like will
Starting point is 00:55:37 come out and watch it and be like oh if nhl were more like this i would watch it you know not as much hitting and roughhousing and the ice is bigger and it moves slower it's like i don't understand those people and they're out there it's like first of all the there's a handful of good teams if you're not playing like russia sweden norway the u.s canada like who are you fucking playing like japan has a team now and it's just a joke they are terrible but i feel like sometimes like czechoslovakia comes out of nowhere and they're good. I'm like, really? Sometimes. I didn't notice the Czechoslovakian presence in the NHL, but sure enough, they're competitive at this level.
Starting point is 00:56:13 Even then, it'll be like the Canadian and the U.S. team is everybody. Wait, does that country not exist anymore? I must be mixing it up. Okay, thanks. But for the Czech Republic, it'll be like a bunch of guys who wish they could play in the NHL, and then Zdeno Chara and Jaroslav Halak in net. And that's it. All the rest of them are just hopefuls.
Starting point is 00:56:31 It's just the skill level is so much lower that I don't understand why those players would care about the gold as much. Unless it's all national. I used to say this. Not so much that I wish the NHL was international, just that I wish I played international. Because when I played my game in particular, I wasn't really good at stick handling and traffic. Yeah, that's important in smaller ice NHL. Yeah, but you open
Starting point is 00:56:52 up the ice like that, I went full speed every time I touched the puck and that would be to my advantage in the beer league level. So if you could go play Slovenia in a little beer league hockey, you would dominate, you think? I think dominate is too strong.
Starting point is 00:57:07 No, no, the beer league. You're not facing against like Bargov Kalala from Slovenia or anything. Provided the other players are bad enough, yes indeed, I would dominate. If the Democratic People's Republic of the Congo ever feels this way, I will take them on. Democratic People's Republic of the Congo ever feels like. Bring it, Congo! You guys got 20 minutes to warm up on some artificial ice
Starting point is 00:57:30 back home before you came here. They've been playing street hockey for the last six months in preparation for this event. That's the first time they've put on real skates. I do not understand the substance we play on. They've only had their
Starting point is 00:57:46 wheel shoes. They've never seen ice. That's like the Cool Runnings movie with John Candy for the Jamaican bobsled team. That movie, I loved it, but I can't re-watch it again because I know I'll hate it. It's going to be awful.
Starting point is 00:58:01 It's like Home Alone. You can't go back and watch those classics from back in the day. I don't think I'd laugh at Home Alone if I watched it now, seeing Joe Pesci grab a hot doorknob for the 80th time. I'm not going to laugh anymore. But back in the day,
Starting point is 00:58:13 oh, I loved it. I fantasized about being Kevin McAllister. I was like, bring it back, guys. I don't have a BB gun. I got a 30-30. We're getting this shit quick. My Home Alone movie lasts for about 17 minutes. I got a 30-30. We're getting this shit quick. My Home Alone movie lasts for about 17 minutes.
Starting point is 00:58:29 Yeah, you know what? The sports have to cart away the dead robbers. Six-year-old Kyle Myers here in Georgia fended off two wacky intruders tonight. Let's take a look at the inside. And it's you sitting at the top of the fucking stairs. All the traps are still in place there's just like little go-kart like wheelie things hot wheels and there's two dead bodies and blood splatter on the back wall yeah your little red rider you know yeah the game kevin
Starting point is 00:58:56 had that red rider uh bb gun like that wasn't enough he needed to defend his home i i liked that movie a lot growing up uh john hughes made that i wonder if he made the defend his home. I liked that movie a lot growing up. John Hughes made that. I wonder if he made the second one. I didn't like the second one as much. I didn't like the second one nearly as much, but then again, I haven't watched it in probably 15 years. It just seemed like in the first one,
Starting point is 00:59:20 he's got so much time to acclimate to being alone, so much time to recognize the threat, and then so much time to get supplies and put the plan in order that it almost seems plausible that he could do it. But in the second one, it's like, oh shit, bad guys are here? Well, let me find an old abandoned house to trick out real quick.
Starting point is 00:59:35 Let me just Scooby-Doo around and find little traps to set. Which one was he in New York? Is that the second one? That's the second one. Home Alone 2 lost in New York. Okay. But that changed a lot of it for me i guess they had to change it but he's in new york and all of a sudden he's like woo woo you know i'm fully competent in this situation now having experienced having eaten the food around my house in the last episode now i can trick doorman into giving me luxury penthouses and shit like that he's like yeah all these new york rubes they're portrayed to be like they're not savvy at all
Starting point is 01:00:10 suburbs of chicago is just too quick for him he's 11 yeah call it a show didn't age well did he no no he looks like a drug addict eagle looks like sneak how did that happen i wonder if he looks better now does he have his act together no maybe he is a drug addict um what's his name um russell brand was telling a story about finding out that uh who's the hot chick from that mila kunis was fucking uh uh uh like hulkin he's got a whole thing in his in his stand-up about finding that out and and like wrapping his head around that because he wanted a fucker or something like that it's
Starting point is 01:00:50 really good that is funny he does not look good now no it's not you know who he looks better than is uh tiny faced hayley joel osmond oh god poor hayley joel at least at least um macaulay caulkin Joel Osment. Oh, God. Poor Haley Joel. At least McCulley Culkin has looking like Steve Buscemi to look forward to. Because that's coming for him, right? If his teeth were a little more bedraggled, like, he's Steve Buscemi in the future, but little faced, six
Starting point is 01:01:18 cents kid. Oh, it's just like, it's a face on a face. It's like they forgot to make it the right size it's like a bad photoshop job it is it's like a bad photoshop job where they forgot to realign the size of his face it's like god just gave up he's a little hungover that morning yeah just send that one through in some of these pictures he looks better than others you could cover his entire face with like i don't know a man saucer like nothing at all yeah yeah yeah tea sauce that's what it's called good one taylor fucking idiot yeah we probably
Starting point is 01:01:53 i gotta run i gotta go uh that was painkiller already episode 69 and i hope you guys enjoyed it

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