Painkiller Already - PKN #69
Episode Date: December 18, 2015This week on PKN...Taylor returns from the dead!...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Alright, now I clicked it twice. Is it gonna... I think we're live.
We should probably be sure.
Well, we're definitely... Okay, we're live. We're live.
So what happened is I clicked it and then like 15 seconds went by.
And I was like, did I click it? So I clicked it again.
Now this has happened before and it makes the recording stop.
So I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. We're're still recording so this is the beginning of a very special pkn episode 69 yes it's a great story you just told
buddy because it was in real time with how long the actual events then i clicked i didn't know
what was going on episode 69 yeah kind of neat we have taylor here with us yes thank you taylor um now you had some
topics picked out or did you want to start with mine uh yours is it's more divisive and i know
apparently you two are gonna agree so i'm gonna have to play asshole conservative and go the other route.
Now we've started.
Okay.
So this was my big question.
I'm here asking myself, like with regards to the whole Syria ISIS thing, are we the good guys?
And so, for example, it's pretty much a lock right now that ISIS is selling oil to Turkey.
That's a known, right?
Like the U.S. kind of knew it.
I swear like I know it.
Turkey comes out and says it.
Iraq?
It might be Iran.
I'm not sure.
It was Iran.
It was Iran.
Said, you know, look, we'll present the evidence to you.
Look, let's all – I think it's not a matter of contention anymore.
ISIS was selling oil to Turkey.
More importantly, Turkey was buying the oil.
Yes, and they're a U.S. ally.
And the U.S. is kind of signing with them because they're our ally and that's what you do with your friends.
But it's nice to be right as well and then like saudi arabia right
the news is all over the fact that like you know this person was born in america and they got
radicalized by the dark side of islam or something like that and i'm like yeah well they lived in
saudi arabia for fucking ever that's where they got radicalized that's why they got radicalized
they didn't sit here in the land of milk and honey getting radicalized
Apparently that's a common thing that a pet that these packets
Pakistanis will go to Saudi Arabia and become radicalized pecs Pakistan is a ism is a heavily Muslim country
And and that's that's where she was from that's where the wife was from yeah
I feel like she had a way bigger part in it than people were
Acting we're like she clearly influenced him to do a lot of that shit.
She was the one to shoot first.
Yeah.
Kyle, can you toggle your...
Taylor, do you see Kyle's camera?
I do, but he's frozen for me.
I'm sure he'll jump out of it and do some fast motion and be good in a sec.
He's toggling it.
That might fix it.
But, yeah, they don't give her enough blame for it.
I didn't know she shot first, which apparently Kyle knows.
I don't even know how...
Yep, she did.
How can you know that because not everybody died oh yeah well that was a dumb question okay i didn't
understand how that would let him know like does that mean that she she shot first and not everyone
died so women are bad shots where's he headed with this no people who live said that she she took a
shooting stance she started shooting first he
hesitated and then eventually he joined in so she was the driving force and then i guess there was
some scrutinization today over the 28 000 uh uh thing in their account but they just took out a
loan because hey if you know that you're going to see all right it's like yeah give me that 28
grand 20 interest whatever make it 30. Yeah, 30.
Who fucking cares?
I had one more thing.
So there's Saudi Arabia radicalizing this woman, and that's a U.S. ally.
And then I remember when, I guess, the U.S. kept saying, and I'm not sure if it's even true, that the 19 hijackers on 9-11 came in through Canada.
That was like they were beating the drumbeat. Came in 9-11 came in through Canada. They just kept, like, that was like, they were beating the drumbeat,
came in through Canada, came in through Canada.
And the issue was that Canada didn't want to go into Iraq
the second time when we went to that war, right?
The only people, the only friends we had were England,
if I recall, because we were wrong about that war.
And it was obvious to everyone.
And, but we just sat there, you know,
singing blame Canada when we ignored the fact that
like 17 of those 19 attackers were from saudi arabia and i just feel like you know we're really
cozied up with turkey and saudi arabia and we're kind of burying the bad parts that come of it
and you know we're holding countries like russia i guess no one's fully good. But I'm just asking myself.
The Saudis are bad guys.
They definitely are.
They're out for their own.
They're out for themselves, right?
The only reason that they have any power whatsoever and we care that they're Saudi princes and kings and all that bullshit is because they have oil and we need the oil.
But if we're not in there cozying up to them, the Russians will, and that won't be good at all.
As far as what we're doing in Syria, that Assad guy isn't as bad as everyone makes him out to be.
The Russians support Assad, we oppose Assad.
But it's so convoluted over there, there's so many different groups of forces.
Yeah, we're not the good guy over there.
I wouldn't say we're the bad guy, but we're not the good guy.
This might be dumb, but what's the reason that we oppose Assad?
I know it's probably multifaceted but like is there like a big one it the most
likely it's that he won't play ball with us he won't do what we want him to do yeah i don't know
the answer i never know and then i don't even believe him when they tell me which is part of
the issue yeah like it everyone we ever go to war with is a madman, right?
That's literally the fucking word they use, madman.
It's not in my everyday vocabulary, but the leader of North Korea is a madman,
and Saddam Hussein is a madman, and al-Assad is a madman,
and everyone's a fucking madman that we want to go to war with,
and we're like, well, shit, if there's a madman in charge of a country,
I guess we better take care of it.
Yeah, oh, man, you know? well shit there's a madman in charge of a country i guess we better take care of it yeah oh man you
know like like like you can rise to power of a nation when you're a crazy person now maybe in
north korea you actually can because it's genetic but um uh not genetic what is the term for
hereditary uh i'm going for a monarchy, but it's not literally a monarchy.
But, you know, it's passed down from father to son.
It's hereditary.
Is that what they call it?
I didn't know that was the term they used. Like a bloodline of despotism.
It's a hereditary title.
Okay, all right.
So, yeah, in North Korea, I suppose.
Although I'm not sure that that's what the law is there.
It just seems like he just took power.
He's like, ah, now I'm in charge.
I feel like, because he's not like the prince of North Korea.
He's the supreme leader or something like that.
And it's just known.
Most people that lead a country earn that title, right?
You can earn it by getting a popular vote.
You can earn it by staging a military revolt.
You can take over.
Even if you're an illegitimate dictator who led the country because you did a coup,
well, shit, you must have some leadership skills
because you've got enough people to overthrow the government behind you.
It's a real Baratheon-Targaryen situation.
Who is the true king?
I love that.
So anyway, I guess I'm looking at what the U.S. is doing over there,
and I don't know if we're the good people or not, and I hate that.
I feel like most of the time the U.S. is on the good people side,
and in the Middle East I'm not sure that most of the time fits.
I think we're always on our side.
Whatever's best for our interests globally, nationally, and not just our security.
It's not always about protecting Americans. Whatever makes us the most money and nets
us the most power and is bad for the people we don't like, like the commies, the Russians,
the Chinese, that's what we support. So it could easily be a democratically elected government
somewhere, but if they're opposing us, if they don't want to sign some trade deal,
if they don't want to be part of some coalition of nations,
if they're siding with the Russians or the Chinese,
there's been time and time again
where we would take out those democratically elected governments
and just topple them.
Well, did they democratically elect a madman?
I bet they did.
They probably did.
Can't have that. According to our leaders, yes. i feel like we democratically elect a lot of
mad men i like obama still like i get that he's not popular but every time i look at his actual
no i heard him did you hear what he said the other day about hated it hated it
hey you already know what he said yeah what did he say yeah he said that he said don't be scared everybody
don't be scared i know they were terrified of really that 13 and a half minute speech that's
what i took from it what what pissed me off was was how he's he's calling the fact that you can
get a gun while being on the no-fly list a loophole first of all like that's you know you're
using the word loophole wrong like like a loophole is like two unconnected pieces of legislation
or rules which inherently work together
to get you somewhere where you shouldn't have been able to get before
what he's got here is just
there's no due process for the no fly list
they can just say yeah you can't fly on our airplanes
but you can't just say that no you can't buy a. No, you don't have the right to free speech anymore. No,
you don't have the right against improper search and seizure anymore. You can't just do that.
And to say that your arbitrary list that you've composed, not, uh, falling under,
to say that people who are on this arbitrary list that you've composed not being able to buy guns is a loophole.
Or not being able to force it upon them that they can't buy guns is a loophole.
It's just outrageous.
I completely agree with everything you're saying.
You are so right.
The problem with the no-fly list is that the U.S. just pulls that list out of their ass.
Now, I think that they do their best with it.
I know they make mistakes.
You know who was on the no-fly list I just
read? Ted Kennedy.
Ted Kennedy, the senator from America.
You know, from a famous family,
old money, etc.
One who drowned that hooker that time.
Well, maybe that's why he was on the no-fly list.
But anyway, he was on the no-fly list.
There's a list of people on the no-fly list
who are always like, what? Me?
I think there were 17 Department of Homeland Security members who were on the no-fly list.
Or maybe it was 170.
Like the number one sevens that stuck in my head.
Is it hard to get off the no-fly list though?
Yes.
For all those guys, it seems like they'd be like, oh, I'm a Kennedy.
There clearly is an error.
And then they fix it.
But for like Joe Smith down the street who works as a plumber, like if he walks in and
he has to go to the plum convention, you know, in Nashville once a year
and he can't get on the plane,
like what's that guy going to do?
There's a, I mean,
most people don't know this,
but Dr. Chase is on the no-fly list.
Oh.
I just made that up.
Oh.
He's going to be on the no-fail-way list.
Yeah.
He made some anti-government remarks
back in the day.
He's been on it ever since.
We should just run with that
on the real PKA.
Let's do it.
They saw him wearing that hat and they thought
he was an undercover redcoat.
So Patreons, you guys know the secret.
It's total bullshit. This week on
PKA we're going to pitch that Dr. Chip
is on the no-fly list.
Yeah.
We all need to come up with at least two reasons
why he's on the no-fly list
and before the next show we'll get together and do the questions.
All right. It would have had to have happened to him within the last four years or something.
He's spoken about his air travel prior to roughly that time period.
So sometime in the last four years, what would be topical to frame him up as being like... Maybe he went online and he
said some things in regard
to what event in the last
four years that would get him flagged.
Why couldn't it be
six years ago?
He could be an Obama threat.
He's pretty moderate, I guess.
I don't know that he's a fan, but he's certainly not a
hater, I don't think. He's not into sports,
so it could be something like that. I was headed that way, too. way too threatening to kill a quarterback on the obama thing just to wrap that
up um one that there is a problem with the no fly list gun thing because the no fly list they need
the flexibility to put that people on that without a real due process you know they need to just you
can't fly to the list you know all of a sudden like like maybe they say well i don't like that guy he doesn't but i'll take his
right away i kind of like the list the way it is because i don't want them to have to go through
nine months of court and you know it's not one of those deals where it's better to let a thousand
people go free than to convict one guilty person the no fly list they're like ah some fishy about
you yeah you know but then when they, that's something fishy about you.
But then when they extend that to the gun thing, you can't just go like that.
They'll put you on that no-fly list for creating
a disturbance at the airport. Maybe you just
had a meltdown and
pissed off the TSA
while you were there. They'll put you on that thing. You could have
had a dispute over your luggage and started screaming
and cursing and just lost your temper
and all of a sudden you can't buy a firearm. have complete autonomy to do whatever they want like the tsa
they can put you on that list like oh look at fucking five ounces of shampoo guy over here
throw him on the list like how dirty is your hair motherfucker the big takeaway i took from the
obama speech was don't be scared don't cower goes you know like pressure on america and i'm
like obama i am not nearly the pussy you think i am like i stopped thinking about that that's a dead
story you know like for all i know the what 14 people died is that even the most deaths that
weekend there might have been a pile up in fucking Chicago that was worse than that. See, alright, so
here's what you
have to do with these incidents, though, that I don't
think you're realizing. It's not the death
toll. That's not it at all.
Because people die every day.
In any situation, you say, oh,
5,000 people got nuked? Well,
how many people died today?
870,000? Well,
pales in comparison. Barely even a blip on the radar the
point is that someone intentionally went out and did this to our country and our and our fellow
like citizens like someone set out to do this bad thing to us for for a purpose like that i think
each of us gets to choose what would cause us to give a flying fuck? And in my case, like that tidal wave, the tsunami in like Japan.
You seem very numbers driven though.
Like you're very numbers driven and like, well, this is nothing compared to that.
But I think I align more with what Kyle's saying as far as like,
it's not so much the number of 14 that should jump out and be like,
oh my God, that's scary.
It's the fact that it's a very pointed attack with no real aim.
Just anyone over here, they wanted to fuck up
when that when that tidal wave hit i don't think it was japan where did it hit indonesia indonesia
when that tidal wave hit indonesia i sat there there's a lot of footage of it and i'm a i don't
know even know what i am now i haven't been tested in swimming but let's say that in my head i am an extremely strong swimmer right like blue belt yeah okay um i sit there and look at it and i'm like i don't
know that i could just keep a float in that that was fucking rough you know like and and there's
lots of heavy things in there like batting you around of course you couldn't it's a tsunami
there's no way that you would be just like... You were sitting there, real sticky thinking...
No, I really am, yeah.
I wonder if I could out-swim a tsunami.
Yeah, I could do it.
I think I could easily go down Whitewater Rapids.
I don't even know how many hurricanes I've surfed.
That's way different than a tsunami, though.
If you could stay afloat, what are you going to do when that first shard of fiberglass comes sailing through your thigh?
That's the challenge.
Or when that road posts just right through your neck.
Not even that.
Like you're floating downriver, and now a house is floating downriver too.
You're nothing compared to it.
Automobiles are in this thing, you know?
And I'm just like, this is a really tough position.
Michael Phelps might die in a tsunami.
Of course he would.
Not of course. There's not a person on this planet that would beps might die in a tsunami. Of course he would. Not of course. There's not a person on this
planet that would be able to survive in a tsunami.
You don't have to swim against it.
You just need to stay afloat.
I don't think it's as hard
as you think it is. A dolphin wouldn't survive.
I bet tons of people survived it.
Not that we're
in the rough
getting swept under.
I disagree.
Even if you forget about all the other shit In the rough, getting swept under. I disagree. They might have lucked out and floated on something.
Your trajectory.
Even if you forget about all the other shit in there,
there's a house that hasn't been toppled 200 yards ahead of you,
and you're going fast.
You're going to run into that house.
You're not strong enough to swim out of that or angle yourself.
There's so much shit and thick, murky water.
There's no way.
like angle yourself. Like there's so much shit and thick,
murky water.
Like I just,
there's no way you could like maybe what he's like a,
you know,
red frit,
thin elite,
you know,
water master.
And I'm underestimating him,
but I just,
there's no way.
I don't know.
Well,
I'll say I'll agree that it's really hard and that,
uh,
it's pretty fucked.
So,
uh,
you can see that point,
like all these fucking lazy shit.
The ocean was there the whole time.
The, uh, uh, but that thing. But that thing, it was horrific.
It seemed inescapable.
People who had positions on solid buildings,
like concrete apartments and stuff like that,
were still getting washed away.
It was really bad.
I hear 14 people died in a shooting,
and I'm like, this is only a story
until the Sixers actually win
another fucking game well that may be true but i don't know you know what i mean though but like
it's the context of how it happened like 14 people getting shot like for no it's easier to reconcile
a natural disaster because it is unavoidable than something like a shooting that is avoidable and
it's like you kind of put yourself in that position like what if i was at a work party having a piece of you know cardboardy dominoes
and then i got shot in the side of the head like that's awful that could happen like i don't know
it's just pretty fucked up and i know kyle's on that side too right kyle is that on topic or or
that's just that that's a picture that's a guy standing in the uh taking the full brunt of the
tsunami on the beach.
He just stands there and takes it.
That was a bad plan, but I can look at it.
This is, if you start at three minutes and 20 seconds, you kind of get, you know, the lead up to it.
And then.
All right.
Does it go poorly?
No, he's good.
He was a collegiate swimmer too.
Oh.
Are you guys ready?
Yeah.
Ready, set, play.
Here it comes.
It's coming very quickly.
He's good.
And he's dead.
And he's dead!
He's not dead yet.
You can't float in that?
If you can't swim, you can't swim!
I forgot! You're a doggy paddler
You don't know shit dead
He's a collegiate swimmer too
But I don't know my tsunami knowledge is not up to par
I suppose mine isn't either but it seemed seemed like a quarter million people weren't able
to out swim it. So based on those
numbers, Woody's like, well hey
the whole population didn't drown, did they?
There were some swimmers
out there. I just feel like it wouldn't
be a matter of swimming though. I just feel like there's like
an under
toe thing going on there where you're just getting
sucked into the front edge
of that thing no
problem it's a weird like kind of wave like it's not those the waves that you would surf that kind
of do this over and over like like it's still just doing this you know the tsunami wave comes all the
way in and then goes all the way out but it's not i like in a mortar of river situation where you're
like in the flow of it and it just keeps going and going if the river was going through downtown san diego that's the biggest challenge of it right like because
like aside from the rocks in the river if it was just the if the river was white rapids white water
but six feet deep it wouldn't be that frightening to me it'd be a good time actually but because
there's rocks you could hit all of a sudden like oh that's a tough
situation and as you pointed out before like you might not be able to avoid the path of the rock
in time like even if you knew it was coming the tsunami's like that too but the next level you
know there's levels it'll run you into a tree it'll run you into a building it's the top level
i think like i guess if an asteroid hit and created a mega tsunami,
that would be the top tier level.
I don't think you'd swim out of that.
It would be neat
Are you close enough to the ocean, Woody, that you would actually
be affected?
The real question is, could you fight a shark in the tsunami?
Then what would happen?
I know you could, Kyle.
I could fight the shark, but if the tsunami came, then it's
really hard.
Come on, have some self confidence.
If I had some of the life vest.
If you like zip tie
you two together, you're unstoppable.
Back to back.
Like back to back.
He's doing the swimming and I'm fighting the shark.
With my ice axes.
I am.
A guy jumped off
a cruise ship like three weeks ago
i think we talked about on the show didn't we watched it it looked awful i so i think about
that situation sometimes and i'm like well how would i survive that um one i feel like people
make a really big deal out of a 50 foot jump like it's instant death when you hit the water horseshit i've done that it's not that
big a jump like it what is the jump where like you hit terminal velocity and it's like hitting
concrete like how high does that have to be i don't know i know that my my friend jumped 68 feet
i wasn't there that day um but i i imagine if your technique is bad, that could go really wrong.
If your technique is bad, that could kill you for sure.
So from what little I know about, because I've watched a few of those programs about cliff diving.
And also about those guys who do the skin diving and do those breath techniques where they go really deep and hold their breath for a long period of time.
But there's a way they hold their hands when they dive headfirst to break the surface tension of the water.
That's what it is.
It's the surface tension of the water that makes it
like hitting concrete.
If you can pierce that and go through,
apparently that's the right way to do it
and how those guys jump from high distances
and don't dive. I don't have those talents.
I would try.
I would be like, alright, just like on the Discovery Channel,
here we go.
What if my neck's bent out a little bit and it just instantly snaps my neck? You're going head first.
We just went feet first, mostly.
And we would do heels together, heel first.
You know, toes pointed up, heels first.
Break the surface tension, fly right in.
If you fuck up, you get, like, an enema.
Cool.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah.
Well, that's the other yeah that
happened to now i'm interested george cariannis played for temple football look him up got an
enema on the 34th street bridge ask him about it i've never jumped from that high into water before
but i would like i have this panic of like you know when you throw one of those weeble wobble things that kind of, like,
spins awkwardly?
Like, I feel like I would jump
and put, like, a little bit too much
pressure going forward or a little bit too much
leaning back, and, like, halfway through my straight-down
foot-first fall, I'd be like,
oh, oh, oh,
just, like, slowly rotating, and I'd kill
myself, and I couldn't live that down. I'd have to be
buried in an unmarked grave, because I wouldn't trust my friends to write something nice on my tombstone.
I had a friend that died doing that.
My cousin used to always go and jump off.
Yeah, I don't know what that is.
My cousin used to always go and jump off these bridges and these little overhangs.
I won't call them a cliff because it's not a cliff.
That makes me imagine some surfside super like super jump that's a hundred feet or something not a cliff per se but jumping 20 to
maybe 40 feet uh into the water and part of it was don't hit the rocks you know because there's rocks
right there and it's like hey just don't hit the rocks and i was like i won't because i'm not gonna
jump and uh and i just remember like i didn jump, and I didn't jump that day,
and I never went back again.
But one of his friends who was there with him that day jumping,
who I'd seen jump, jumped, hit his head, drowned, and died.
You watched him die?
I wasn't there.
No.
And it was funny because my dad had a dream about it.
My dad literally warned my cousin.
He goes, are you still jumping off those bridges and stuff?
I was standing there and listening to the whole
conversation. He's like, are you still jumping off those bridges and stuff?
He's like, yeah, yeah, we're going
this weekend. He's like, I had a dream about that.
I dreamt you got hurt real bad.
Don't do that. And that
weekend, the guy's friend died.
It was kind of surreal.
But I don't think I'll be much of a cliff
diver anytime soon.
Mostly because of that.
Because that dude died.
It can't be that exciting that it's worth dying.
No, I feel like it'd be fun
a little bit, but if I really wanted
to do that, I'd go somewhere where they got a high board
and do it in a controlled environment
in a pool where I can see the bottom.
It's like 33 feet.
That's high enough. That's plenty for me. We used to jump in a... That would can see the bottom. They only go up 10 meters, like 33 feet. That's high enough.
That's plenty for me.
We used to jump in a...
That would concern me a little.
It was a mildly controlled environment,
so we tended to jump off bridges.
And if you don't know bridges that well,
I'm sure somebody doesn't,
but with the tide going up and down,
there's a sign next to it,
and they just put the numbers, right?
So if the water says 10, then it's 10 feet deep there
if the tide goes down then it'll be i guess you know seven feet deep or if it goes up it'll be 14
so we knew how deep it was all we needed was lookouts to make sure that boats weren't going
across and then you needed to know the tide because uh if the tide was going the wrong way
it would take you away from the dock and that was a bad situation like it it moves so fast that it would take a a really good swimmer to swim against the tide
you really want it taking you to the dock so yeah yeah i just don't want anywhere near that there
was a story you need a tour guide five or yeah i would i'd trust it with you actually i don't know
i'd want to watch you go through the whole motion first oh i would do it i would do it five times you'd be like you coming this time because
there's another one coming no now you're tired and you can't save me
no there was a story um here like six years ago maybe uh the mississippi river like right by it
goes straight through st louis it's big brown, muddy, fast-moving river.
And a group of, like, six teenagers were all hanging out next to the Mississippi River for no reason.
I don't know why you would.
And someone jumped in.
And the other five, like, the guy jumped into the Mississippi and then started flowing down real quick
and started screaming that he couldn't swim, which is a really awful idea.
All five of the other ones jumped in after
him floated down the river the initial guy ended up like running by some other like nice probably
not a fisherman because that river is disgusting but someone fished him out and all five of the
other people drowned in the river damn did they suck at swimming uh you know they weren't good enough to swim but it's also you've seen that
river right like it's yes a few hundred like in some places it's like a half mile i think i think
you really overestimate the swimming skills of the rest of the population i guess and like i doubt
that like when you jump in the river it's like you know half mile it just keeps you right on this
little edge like it probably sucks you right into the
middle and suddenly it's like i couldn't swim out there and grab that guy and bring him back you
know like not to say i'm some titan of swimming like like kyle says i can swim the length of a
pool and back as well yeah yeah like like in in a normal environment i just never needed to swim
much farther than that you know one end of the pool to the other and back or something like that
about five years ago we went camping on a lake and of the pool to the other and back or something like that. It wasn't that long. About five years ago, we went camping on a lake,
and you couldn't see the other side.
And I was like, I'm going to swim to the other side.
And everyone was like, no, no, don't do it, don't do it.
And I'm like, I'm insulted.
You think I can't swim across a fucking lake.
And I did.
I swam over and I swam back.
You did, but think about how much resentment
and anger Jackie and the kids would have
if the last thing they saw
was arrogant old Woody swimming
down the fucking lake.
Hector Lake.
She's like, got the kids back home later.
Colin has to ask, where's dad?
Oh, well, your jackass of a father
decided that he could swim across the lake.
He wanted to impress Judy.
Yeah, you would make it,
but even more than the fear of drowning
or getting tired,
even if it's a lake
and I know there's no monster
or anything in there,
I can't shake the feeling
of something's going to grab me.
I hate it.
You know what would really make me
go into a panic?
What would make me, from fear,
where I would just be unable to deal
with it, I think, is scuba diving at night
in murky water.
I hear about those
search and rescue divers who go in
in tragedies and get the people who die
when boats go down and stuff.
I was playing
Fallout the other night and had to go down and do some stuff in some dark, murky stuff. I was playing Fallout the other night
and had to go down and do some stuff
in some dark, murky water.
I was just like...
Melissa did that same thing.
She gave me the controller
and made me play a part
where she had to swim in the murky water.
Really?
That's really common.
That must be pretty immersive.
I almost had a panic attack
probably five years ago,
six years ago now.
I was out on a sea kayak with a girl.
And it was just like one of those little kayaks.
We could still see the beach a couple hundred yards away.
And she thought it would be funny when we were out there sitting in it that she was going to like grab the sides and do like the rocket, try and rock me out.
And at first I was like, oh, okay, all right, stop.
Like stop, stop, stop.
And it ended up she kept trying to do it and I almost fell out I started
screaming loud enough to hear like stop fucking rocking the boat there's sharks
in here just yelling wait was it salt water it was okay I was just checking
I was oh I still remember the feeling of like I was getting all sweaty
and cold and clammy my heart was beating so fast
and I just wanted to leap across and I'm like
I'm far enough away from shore I could strangle you and kill you
right now
it would look like drowning
it would look like drowning
besides fingertips
as they say
we were
at Jekyll Island which is is, I think, off the coast of Georgia.
I think I was 12 when I went or something like that.
And the water never seemed to get much higher than, like, chest level, but not, like, below
my nipples.
And no matter how far we walked out, and we walked really, really far out until you could
barely see the beach.
And we were walking around feeling with our feet for conch shells. far we walked out and we walked really really far out until you could barely see the beach
and we were walking around feeling with our feet for conch shells. I don't know if that's
a technical word for them but you know those big ass seashells that are like that long.
You mean the anonymous ones, yeah.
Yeah and so you know they would prick your foot and kind of go down and pull them up
and I'm walking around with a bag full of them. We thought we'd take them home and make
souvenirs out of them. They smelled
so awful because they're alive in there, you know? It was rotting like shellfish in the
back of the van. But anyway, our feet were pricked and bleeding from stepping on the
shells and we're just out there in this, I mean, it was so brown and dirty. There was
actually a wildfire in Florida at the time, so that was like, somehow that makes the water
darker. I guess the smoke, there was so. Somehow that makes the water darker.
I guess the smoke, there was so much smoke pollution that the water was actually darker than normal.
It didn't look healthy to even be in.
But I just remember thinking,
this is the stupidest thing ever.
And someone was like, what?
What are you talking about?
I was like, well, we're out here bleeding
in this murky water so far from shore.
He's like, what do you mean bleeding?
I was like, your feet aren't bleeding?
He's like, hell no, you're bleeding?
Wait for me. shore he's like what do you mean bleeding i was like your feet aren't bleeding he's like hell no you're bleeding so that's the end of that day so you really you were the i was bleeding i must because like every time i stepped on one it's like ah god all right got another one hope it's big
you know but i remember i brought all these things home in a big... Were you stomping for shells? Well, you know, you're walking along.
You might take 30 steps, 40 steps.
Oh, how deep is the water?
Like chest deep, something like that.
You should be light on your feet.
It was deep enough that you were getting lifted off a little bit,
but I just remember my feet were all...
They're sharp.
They're sharp.
They got those little prickers on them.
But I can still remember the smell of that container of shellfish,
whatever the fuck they are, on the way back from Florida.
It was awful.
Jersey seashells don't usually come in that shape.
But I think you'll back me on this.
We do get that smell.
Y'all got the smell down.
Yeah, it smells like there's a factory in New Jersey
that does nothing but rot seashells.
That's so unfair.
He has not been to much of a jersey.
What do you make here?
Well, make.
We like to keep the seashells out and watch them rot.
Really?
Welcome to Compost International.
It's a stolen line.
But there was that one summer when I picked up all the girls and took them to the movies.
I used to tell them that I had the largest seashell collection in the world
and that I kept it scattered seashell collection in the world and that I
kept it scattered up and down the east coast.
Awful.
Were they like, oh Woody,
thank God you brought that wet floor sign. Take me
here.
Never.
Let's go watch a bad 70s movie and make out.
That's awful.
It's not as bad because it was before the internet
and they hadn't seen that on a Jezebel top 10 list
of goofy come on lines.
Will you say something, Kyle?
I was going to...
No, I changed my mind about what I was going to say.
All right.
As far as saying anything at all?
Yeah.
Yeah. I was going to say. As far as saying anything at all? Yeah.
I was going to say we could talk about the knife some, but then I was thinking maybe we
should wait until we've got more information
to give.
Hopefully we can talk about it on Thursday
slash Saturday.
I'm going to try to do something cool.
Yeah, I'm psyched for that.
It will be neat.
Now that Arnold Schwarzenegger is done with his lifting,
he wants everybody else to stop eating meat.
He's eating more chickens than anyone on the planet.
That's the most hypocritical thing that he would say,
go vegetarian part-time to save the planet.
He's got his fill.
He wouldn't listen to that advice 30 years ago.
No, he would not.
Now he's done with the hobby, so he thinks it's dangerous and he needs't listen to that advice 30 years ago no he would die now he's done with
the hobby so he thinks he's danger it's dangerous and he needs everybody else to fix it i'm not
gonna not eat meat arnold because let's take let's take guesses as to how old arnold schwarzenegger is
68 63 i'm gonna go older i'm gonna say well 68 is pretty old. Price is right rules or just
closest rules?
Closest, I guess.
I'm going to say 63.
63.
68.
Taylor nailed it.
If you hadn't taken 68, I would have
come in near there.
68 years old.
Looks good for a 68-year-old,
but not good enough to be telling us we can't eat meat anymore.
Eat the global supply of chickens low.
Dude, this weekend is some of the...
So first of all, Joe fights Friday.
Oh, yeah.
Who's he fighting?
Dunham or something like that.
The guy has like 15 ufc fights or
something like he's been he's a vet um so i i it doesn't matter who joe fights i'm always nervous
for him i you know i if he yeah loss is always bad no matter what, and a win is just what's expected.
Yeah, but that's better.
And if he fights someone who represents a huge challenge,
then I worry in that regard.
If he fights someone who represents no challenge,
then I worry, well, what if?
I think I'm just wired to worry a lot.
And yeah, it's a fight.
So it's not like with football.
I feel like you can.
It's pretty in some situations, like when one team is clearly better than the other.
You can you can you can guess who's going to win really well.
You can prognosticate that quite accurately.
Like, you know, when the best team plays.
Yeah, we know when like a top tier team plays a bottom tier team that like 80 percent
of the time top tier teams win unless the patriots play the eagles but carry on right like that's a
specific example in my head right now like every now and then that does happen of course but i feel
like with fighting it's it's not so much so it because there's always especially in ufc where
and the higher the weight classes go the the more this is true because they've got
what do you say they got dynamite in their hands or whatever they yeah that works those guys can
just a a punch that one punch not got power it might just seem like something like that and
they've got enough in that to knock you out they might arm punch you and you're off balance and
hit you in the chin just right and they're just trying to make your brain vibrate a little bit
that's all they're doing they're just trying to make your brain vibrate a little bit. That's all they're doing. They're just trying to make
your jawbone resonate enough that your brain
turns off long enough for a
guy in a black shirt to say you lost.
They don't have to beat you to death.
They could just be like
that and over. Is this Joe Lozon
fight UFC? I'm looking at
UFC 194 and it doesn't show his
little card. He's actually the
night before that and it's I think the his little card. So he's actually the night before that
and it's I think the Tough 22 finale show that he's on.
They've got like multiple things they do.
Yeah, that weekend, every event is sold out that weekend.
There's no seats that you can buy.
McGregor, he fights?
He does, 194.
So he'll fight the next day.
He fights Jose Aldo.
Who are you picking there?
I saw that Aldo's what the hell i i saw
that that i saw something and maybe you know what i'm talking about it was something like they asked
him like what he's gonna do to uh connor's chicken legs and he was like i'm going to break them
something like that they had something like i remember i did see that and they're like what's
gonna happen if you
kick colin he's what happens if colin checks your kicks they asked he goes i break the leg you know
yeah it was it was great chicken legs he does have uh skinnier legs than he might want i don't i
don't know he doesn't seem to have like professional your calves are better. He has to maintain a low weight.
Look at this guy.
Is it going to be John Jones? No, the guy that he's
fighting. Cover up that guy's
Jose Aldo. Cover the top part
of his body with your hand and then
imagine that that's your dad. He just
got out of the bathroom when you were little.
That's what it looks like. Not very
defined. At least with Conor McGregor, you can
see that thigh chisel there.
The other guy, I don't know.
He's 25-1, so I guess he's doing something right.
It's not a good picture.
So Jose Aldo, the guy on the left.
He's wearing socks.
He actually, I think that's the overlay.
They just do that to him on purpose.
They're making him look like shit.
Dude, so that guy has some of the like for the weight class
undoubtedly the roughest kicks in the weight class and you know in terms of technique and stuff
there's very few people in all the oc that you'd rather be kicked by it's or less preferred to be
kicked by i'm saying it weird but his leg kicks are brutal so brutal and um conor mcgugger comes
from a boxing background historically boxers are are bad at
dealing with kicks so it's a big part of the fight but you know jose alto's legs kicks are no secret
and conor's been training for him for a year now you know he was supposed to fight him in july
so uh one would guess that he has a counter to kicks i don't know do you expect conor to come
out kicking or to conor to come out with a takedown uh not a takedown but i absolutely expect him to throw some ridiculous
kind of wheel kick karate kid oh that's my leg shit uh leg kick no he he throws these like heel
kicks i can't i remember it was very it's entertaining it's uh dude it's every fight
he has a new one and you're like i don't even know what the point of it is.
They're so wild.
He's never hit one.
He knows we're watching.
I like him.
I think it's a thing that he, well, one, it'd be awesome if it hit and be entertaining.
But I think that part of it is like, I'm going to make you watch for this.
You know, like this is just to set up my body blows and keeping your hands up or down or whatever i saw i saw some um
fight footage of a guy recently who has some some sort of dance fighting style maybe it was on
reddit capoeira i couldn't you know if i i wouldn't know but it really he really was like
dancing the whole time he met he was constantly in motion and then he turned that into combinations
and they continue dancing it was
great and oh it's knockouts when he got a knockout he would just freeze in position like he wouldn't
even look at what he just did it was like a drop the mic kind of knockout like like he'd get like a
a kick or was he black good dark skinned nobody sounds autistic skinny black guy like like like
he'd land the blow that he knew in his head was going to knock this guy out and he wouldn't even watch the guy fall he just frees in position like after he had thrown it
and and and just like i don't know he's very entertaining it was in an octagon
yeah i think so yeah he's going to come back to bite him one of these days when he overestimates
how hard he hits someone they stumble out of his field i think he kicked this guy in the mouth
that there's a guy who's won at least two or three fights that way.
Like, he just knocked him out so solid.
Like, if this is the guy, bam!
Like that.
And he's been right each time.
He's an interesting guy.
I don't know how he'd do at the UFC level, but he's a great striker.
That style, I think Kyle was talking about is capoeira.
I don't know if the story's true but the the legend is that in brazil they outlined outlawed fight training so they disguised fighting
as dancing and they would just sit there and practice all the time with their capoeira by
the fire and whatever and they were actually training to fight, but in reality, but in whatever. It's pretty creative.
It looked like a dance.
I don't know.
But, yeah, dude, every fight on this card, I'm looking at it.
So, of course, Adam McGregor is hugely interesting.
Weidman Rockhold might be more interesting.
I like that.
By the way, Weidman is somehow sponsored by Gamma Labs, so he and I are like bros.
But he treats us right before the match.
Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah, that's how it works.
Yeah, that's how it works.
Sousa and Romero are fighting.
Dude, this guy Romero...
If you can tell who's a steroid user by looks,
this guy, Yul Romero,
is the biggest juicer in the history of Earth.
He's...
And he's from Cuba,
so that's like it's easy to get them and there's a lot there's like a history of cuban roy people this is going to be an
incredible fight he's a he's not a normal human but it'll be fun to watch him maya nelson oh my
god damian maya they're both grappling legends holloway stevens the whole card is incredible
and then of course joe's on the card before it go ahead I'm interrupting Michael Page that's the
dance fighter check out his video real quick like it's it's three minutes long
but like the first I don't know 30 seconds gets the point across all right
you cute up yep ready set play audio is awful by the way. On this video.
He's like dusting off his hands.
Hmm. That's the fight I saw.
I feel like this shit wouldn't fly in UFC, where they're way better trained. Some fighters aren't impressed with this showboating.
He would kick my ass, clearly.
Look at him not looking at his opponent.
Oh, I love that!
I love that!
Like, I love to watch this.
Because it's two-phase, really.
Like, one, I'm like, whoa, look at this.
Either this guy's a badass and I'm going to watch him dominate.
Or he's a cocky asshole and I'm going to watch him get caught.
I'm happy either way.
It's the second.
Is it the second?
I mean, come on, look at that.
He made that guy look so bad.
What promotion is this?
UCMM?
I don't know.
I couldn't say.
UCMA? This is a highlight video, so this could be years old.
I think here he is in the octagon, right?
I love watching people like this
just get shit on.
That's what I was talking about, yeah.
He has a couple walk-off wins like that.
Yeah, I know this guy.
I don't know why he's not in the UFC.
Are you sure he's not?
I'm sure he wasn't when I looked.
I think you're right.
I see a video that says he should be in the UFC.
It's a highlight video.
But yeah, I find this to be extremely entertaining.
I found Silva, when he would do that stuff, to be just infuriating.
He's in Bellator.
What's that mean?
Yeah, it's Bellator.
So Bellator is a rival promotion.
And I guess if you were to rank them, UFC is the top one.
Bellator is the next one.
And then below that used to be Strikeforce.
And then UFC bought them.
Now I forget who's below them.
But anyway, the point I'm making is that the UFC just never takes fighters from Bellator.
They just won't do it.
And the message that they're sending is, if you go to Bellator, our biggest competitor, then your career is over.
You'll never make it to the UFC.
So it's super difficult to jump from the UFC,c i'm sorry from bellator to the ufc
can you make a career in bellator yes yeah just like you can make a career in the cfl
ah so it's it's that much smaller yeah yeah yeah so i mean like i bet i know you're not a huge ufc
fan i bet you can name a couple of fighters.
Like does Conor McGregor ring a bell?
Does Ronda Rousey ring a bell?
Yeah.
Anderson Silva, George St. Pierre, GSP.
That big fat country guy.
Right, right.
Big country.
Yeah, big country.
That's his nickname, big country.
I bet if I listed off 10 guys, I could get like six or seven to ring a bell uh and then on bellator i bet that number might be zero yeah totally yeah so who has made the bridge like are
there any that kyle and i might have heard of who's started at bellator and it was just so good
the ufc couldn't ignore them i literally can't think of a single bellator fighter who the ufc's
ever picked up has i'm trying to think if the u the UFC's ever picked up.
I'm trying to think if the UFC's ever made any big acquisitions at all,
because I remember when they wanted Fedor,
it seemed that they couldn't make it happen.
Yeah, they have.
They bought Strikeforce, which is actually, it brought in a couple.
I mean, like an individual.
Like, there's them.
Like, I bet the fighters that were under Strikeforce were,
I bet it was much, much cheaper to buy Strikeforce than it would have been to poach their fighters.
Might have been, because they'd be bidding wars and stuff.
Yeah.
Never even heard of Strikeforce.
When Pride collapsed, the UFC got a lot of cool people.
Crow Crop was a big name.
Wanderlei Silva was a big name.
Anderson Silva.
He came from Pride, kind of.
Isn't there a league like in Japan?
That was Pride.
Oh, there we go.
I don't know if
UFC talk is interesting to people, but
Michael Page is pretty neat. I'd love to
see how these guys do in the UFC.
I like that fighting
style. I like that it's...
I've seen so many guys...
There's an orthodox style that you see time and time again,
whether it's a stand-up guy or a submission
guy, and it seems like it boils down
to sort of a takedown defense, and
if he can stuff you, and then you
don't have the tools to deal with
his stand-up or his leg kicks or whatever he
brings to the table, then that's just all
MMA is about. But
when I see somebody like this, who's like,
nah, fuck all those rules I like to
dance like no no keep the music like he comes in with his intro music he's like just keep that
bump in the whole fight I don't think he dances as much as you think I think you're watching him
of course it's a highlight video but yeah he dances more than uh than most fighters though
like I don't dance at all who um was it sugar ray robinson he used to like
you know be like you know like that kind of crazy i know ali was about that a little bit you know he
had the ali shuffle he was a he was a showboater showman type you know uh the the whole rope a
dope thing he'd be looking like he's got nothing he's got nothing you know he grabbed their head
and laugh at him for a minute then they go back to trying to hurt him i've been watching some old
fights lately,
a bunch of Ali stuff, Ali Frazier in particular,
Ali Foreman I watched.
Yeah, I've seen all those.
I like those fights.
Dude.
It was interesting to see the transformation he made
before and after the Vietnam thing.
Before, he was this greased lightning,
so fucking fast,
just extra tier above everyone else where he could make you miss
but he didn't have that when he came back and he had to he had to come up with something new and
he did he made it work for the most part yeah he became real elusive his defense was fantastic when
he came back his offense was great beforehand people i was reading this article by jack slack
on whether tyson could beat muhammad ali, one of the things I took away from it was
there's a peak Tyson, right?
Right before Tyson went to prison roughly
or maybe right before he fought Buster Douglas,
like there is a version of Tyson that is the best one.
For Muhammad Ali, there is no best Muhammad Ali
or at least it's debatable.
There's the one whose defense kind of sucked,
but was, like Kyle said, grease lightning, super fast,
and relied on the speed advantage.
And then there's the post one who is a much smarter fighter,
but it didn't have the same physical gifts.
And this expert, he never really said,
I don't think one would beat the other,
but I think he pretty much picked Tyson in that.
Yeah, I've watched highlight videos of both.
That is my research.
I don't know shit about boxing.
Just watching Muhammad Ali highlight, Mike Tyson highlight.
It looks like Mike Tyson would not only win,
but would beat the shit out of him.
Just the difference in the times of the sport um his power like it it puts
him like he doesn't even look like a human and he's knocking out people like a head taller than
me that's like in it that's one of the things like in um in a football everyone kind of recognizes, like who's the worst team in football this year?
Let me help you.
I don't know.
Let's say it's the Lions.
I don't know who's the worst.
The Lions usually competing for that.
The Lions would beat the shit out of that Green Bay Packers team that won the first Super Bowl, right?
Can we all just agree that?
Oh, yeah.
Right?
They'd be so much faster and so much stronger
and so much more sophisticated,
like in terms of how the sport has evolved
in terms of offenses and defenses.
They're not getting drunk at halftime, like laughing.
Yeah.
But somehow in boxing, they don't do that.
They generally look at them and say,
yeah, I think Floyd Patterson would really beat today's heavyweight champ.
And I don't know why it's so different.
I would have guessed that like every other sport, they advance,
but not according to people who understand it better than me.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It seems like everything stayed the same,
except for what they may or may not be putting into their bodies.
It seems like people have always trained really hard.
It seems like people have always, you know, same gloves virtually,
you know, same ring, same shorts.
The equipment isn't moving around.
Who cares about their mouthpieces?
It's getting the same shit done.
So it's really just the man in there.
And some of those guys, I watch a lot of years.
Maybe a more technical or dedicated regimen as far as training, you know, because, like, the sport progresses.
Yeah, I feel like MMA training's advanced a ton. We were just talking about Al Alquinta
hitting dots on the wall and
training his peripheral vision.
I know swimming,
my swim coach,
so this is a long time ago
when I swam, even longer when he swam,
they used to just practice racing.
They'd be like, alright,
ready, go. And everyone would like balls to
the wall for a couple hundred yards until they couldn't go anymore they just practiced racing that was how
they trained um you know then when by the time i swam it was just laps and laps of you know
yardage and conditioning from what i understand with like olympic level swimming especially like
the suit has made an enormous difference right like it's not really even fair to compare michael
phelps speed records and stuff
with like his predecessors who didn't have that suit right uh it makes a big difference uh they'd
break those records anyway i think suit or no suit they're all so close that little differences make
a big deal um what suit was phelps wearing so in the old days they wore those tiny little banana hammocks. Now they wear
like long pants essentially
and it's slicker than human
skin so they have less resistance as they
pull themselves through the water.
Yeah and some guys even
wear like a
tank top pant you know
outfit that goes from top to
bottom. I'm not sure if
they still do. I feel like the pants are the popular thing now.
I've never watched a swimming event.
I watched half of one when the Michael Phelps mania was happening,
and I was like, I can't get into this.
Yeah, I watched it too.
I've watched Phelps swim a bunch.
I find him more interesting off camera.
There's always some like,
and it's just they're trying to make us watch commercials,
but there are always some athletes
that they put up there
that we should be watching.
I remember the Winter Olympics,
they're always really struggling.
Usually they get that red-headed snowboarding guy.
What's his name?
Sean White.
Yeah, Sean White.
He's NBC's hero
when Olympic Winter Games coverage time comes around.
But I remember one year, I don't know what,
maybe he smoked too many doobies and they wouldn't let
him compete or something, but they had to go to
Apollo Anton Ono
back in, say, 2006
Winter Olympics, I think.
Yeah, Romney saved that event.
Romney saved that event, sure did.
He stood on that
as he was campaigning. He was like, look at this other thing
I did. Handled that nicely, didn't I?
But Apollo Anton Ono and this Brody guy, the skier.
And there was this guy.
Brody Miller.
Yeah, yeah.
Bodie.
That was it, I think.
Everybody was blowing this guy up.
Like NBC is like, this could be a record-setting year for sports.
This Bodie Miller guy, he's just got more talent than anybody on the field.
He could get 14 medals or whatever it was.
He had an opportunity because of the games he was competing in
to win an unprecedented amount of gold or something like that.
And he just sucked.
He fucked up his main event, like the one he's supposed to be number one at,
and placed maybe silver and bronze or something like that,
which is an accomplishment, right?
But not if you're the guy.
It's nice to win a bronze medal if you go back home and teach economics for the rest
of your life.
It sucks to win the bronze if you've been trying to win the gold since you were 11 and
this was your last year to go.
There are guys who are just on a different level of that Olympic athlete stuff.
They take it seriously.
I remember that messed with his head.
There was a whole story about how he was was gonna get redemption the next time around and
that didn't happen either i like watching people fail some olympic sports just aren't as good
though like if you ever watch olympic hockey there's a huge gaggle of people who like will
come out and watch it and be like oh if nhl were more like this i would watch it you know not as
much hitting and roughhousing and the ice is bigger and it moves slower it's like i don't understand those people and they're out there it's like first of all the
there's a handful of good teams if you're not playing like russia sweden norway the u.s canada
like who are you fucking playing like japan has a team now and it's just a joke they are terrible
but i feel like sometimes like czechoslovakia comes out of nowhere and they're good.
I'm like, really?
Sometimes.
I didn't notice the Czechoslovakian presence in the NHL, but sure enough, they're competitive at this level.
Even then, it'll be like the Canadian and the U.S. team is everybody.
Wait, does that country not exist anymore?
I must be mixing it up.
Okay, thanks.
But for the Czech Republic, it'll be like a bunch of guys who wish they could play in the NHL,
and then Zdeno Chara and Jaroslav Halak in net.
And that's it.
All the rest of them are just hopefuls.
It's just the skill level is so much lower that I don't understand why those players would care about the gold as much.
Unless it's all national.
I used to say this.
Not so much that I wish the NHL was international, just that I wish I played international.
Because when I played my game in particular, I
wasn't really good at stick handling and traffic.
Yeah, that's important
in smaller ice NHL. Yeah, but you open
up the ice like that, I
went full speed every
time I touched the puck and that would be to my
advantage in the beer league level.
So if you could go
play Slovenia in a little beer league
hockey, you would dominate, you think?
I think dominate is too strong.
No, no, the beer league.
You're not facing against like Bargov Kalala from Slovenia or anything.
Provided the other players are bad enough, yes indeed, I would dominate.
If the Democratic People's Republic of the Congo ever feels this way, I will take them on.
Democratic People's Republic of the Congo ever feels like.
Bring it, Congo!
You guys got 20 minutes
to warm up on some artificial ice
back home before you came here.
They've been playing street hockey
for the last six months
in preparation for this event.
That's the first time they've put on real skates.
I do not understand
the substance we play on.
They've only had their
wheel shoes. They've never
seen ice.
That's like the Cool Runnings
movie with John Candy for the Jamaican
bobsled team.
That movie, I loved it, but
I can't re-watch it again because I know I'll hate it.
It's going to be awful.
It's like Home Alone. You can't go back and watch those classics
from back in the day.
I don't think I'd laugh at Home Alone
if I watched it now,
seeing Joe Pesci grab a hot doorknob
for the 80th time.
I'm not going to laugh anymore.
But back in the day,
oh, I loved it.
I fantasized about being Kevin McAllister.
I was like, bring it back, guys.
I don't have a BB gun.
I got a 30-30.
We're getting this shit quick.
My Home Alone movie lasts for about 17 minutes. I got a 30-30. We're getting this shit quick.
My Home Alone movie lasts for about 17 minutes.
Yeah, you know what? The sports have to cart away the dead robbers.
Six-year-old Kyle Myers here in Georgia
fended off two wacky intruders tonight.
Let's take a look at the inside.
And it's you sitting at the top of the fucking stairs.
All the traps are still in place
there's just like little go-kart like wheelie things hot wheels and there's two dead bodies
and blood splatter on the back wall yeah your little red rider you know yeah the game kevin
had that red rider uh bb gun like that wasn't enough he needed to defend his home i i liked
that movie a lot growing up uh john hughes made that i wonder if he made the defend his home. I liked that movie a lot growing up. John Hughes made that.
I wonder if he made the second one.
I didn't like the second one as much.
I didn't like the second one nearly as much,
but then again,
I haven't watched it in probably 15 years.
It just seemed like in the first one,
he's got so much time to acclimate to being alone,
so much time to recognize the threat, and then so much time to get supplies
and put the plan in order
that it almost seems plausible
that he could do it.
But in the second one, it's like, oh shit, bad guys
are here? Well, let me find an old abandoned house
to trick out real quick.
Let me just Scooby-Doo around and find
little traps to set. Which one was he
in New York? Is that the second one? That's the second one.
Home Alone 2 lost in New York.
Okay. But that changed a lot of it for me i guess they had to change it but he's in new york and all of a sudden he's like woo woo you know i'm fully competent in this
situation now having experienced having eaten the food around my house in the last episode
now i can trick doorman into giving me luxury penthouses and shit like that
he's like yeah all these new york rubes they're portrayed to be like they're not savvy at all
suburbs of chicago is just too quick for him
he's 11 yeah call it a show didn't age well did he no no he looks like a drug addict eagle
looks like sneak how did that happen
i wonder if he looks better now does he have his act together no maybe he is a drug addict um
what's his name um russell brand was telling a story about finding out that uh who's the hot
chick from that mila kunis was fucking uh uh uh like hulkin he's got a whole thing in his in his
stand-up about finding that out
and and like wrapping his head around that because he wanted a fucker or something like that it's
really good that is funny he does not look good now no it's not you know who he looks better than
is uh tiny faced hayley joel osmond oh god poor hayley joel at least at least um macaulay caulkin Joel Osment. Oh, God. Poor Haley Joel. At least McCulley Culkin
has looking like
Steve Buscemi to look forward to.
Because that's coming for him, right? If his teeth
were a little more bedraggled, like, he's Steve
Buscemi in the future, but little
faced, six
cents kid. Oh, it's just
like, it's a face on
a face. It's like they forgot to
make it the right size it's
like a bad photoshop job it is it's like a bad photoshop job where they forgot to realign the
size of his face it's like god just gave up he's a little hungover that morning yeah just send that
one through in some of these pictures he looks better than others you could cover his entire face with like i don't know a man saucer like nothing at all yeah yeah
yeah tea sauce that's what it's called good one taylor fucking idiot yeah we probably
i gotta run i gotta go uh that was painkiller already episode 69 and i hope you guys enjoyed it