Painkiller Already - PKN #71
Episode Date: December 31, 2015This week on PKN...Now Taylor has glasses!...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
We're live. Sorry, Kyle was on such a roll. I'm like, click start, click start!
Make it happen!
Yeah, we were talking about ISIS around Taylor's net.
Would they steal propane? Is that why they did it?
No, they didn't steal it, is my understanding.
There was just a huge group of Muslims, I guess,
who were purported extremists buying a fuckton of propane tanks.
Oh, so they were having a cookout, right?
You know, they could be, but they don't eat pork,
and so that takes a lot of the cookout out of it.
That and a lot of burner cell phones.
I'm sure those of you who've had contacts with drug dealers
have seen plenty of burner phones,
because that's what they tend to use.
The Walter White flip phone deal?
Yeah, for things like meth.
If you have a pot dealer with a burner,
then you need to re-evaluate your life
because that guy's doing some sketchier shit than just pot.
Yeah, so I haven't seen anything of it here,
but they really, they should be avoiding states.
All the states that we live in,
they should not be targeting.
They shouldn't be,
they should go to, like, fucking Vermont or New Hampshire or
somewhere where it's so to the left that they know
nobody's gonna have guns.
New Hampshire.
Yeah, live for your die. That's the New Hampshire
motto. Well, then avoid New Hampshire.
Don't go there.
Yeah, you were saying, like, if you just
go a little bit outside the city, they're flying
Confederate flags and shit.
It's all over the place. If you leave, if you're you're like more than 50 miles out of st louis or kansas city anywhere else
in this whole fucking state you'll just be seeing people just like the south will rise again like
just you know like high-fiving each other i wish i could deliver the the line like like you do
because you say things funnier but you're like they're in for a rude awakening if they think
that this is good everyone's got their guns their confederate my grandparents and their friends in the deep
south of missouri missouri yeah that's how they say it missouri uh they would like they're like
in their 70s and they would love it that would make their fucking day anyone with like a gun
wandered onto their property out of nowhere like These are like truckers from the 60s
who carried weapons with them.
Like, oh, there's this one time
this failure of a different
nationality, if I so do say.
He came up to my truck and I just
had to tell him to get the fuck out of here. We don't take kindly
to that. And like, Grandpa,
that's just really upsetting that you would
say that on Thanksgiving.
That's just the way we do it on her.
And it's like, all right.
But, yeah, they need to stick to easier to assault states
before they get into the South and crazy Midwest states.
Yeah, the South's not a good place to go at all
because not only do you have the armed people,
but you've got the racist people.
So, like, they're not taking any prisoners.
They're not giving you the benefit of the doubt.
They're trigger happy down here. They're not giving you the benefit of the doubt? No. They're trigger happy down here.
They're ready to roll.
Dude, let me circle back to trigger happy because I've been fucking finger on the trigger for a week now.
But I thought you were going to go with the inner city stuff.
I don't know that the Ferguson guys are any easier to take care of either.
You know, Michael Brown will pop a cap in your ass
after he strong-arm robberies you for your propane.
Yeah, they're not going to have a good time
assaulting Ferguson either.
And it's going to be even worse
because they're going to go through West Virginia.
Can you imagine?
They've got this huge ISIS plot, right?
All this manpower, expertise.
They get it to Ferguson, Missouri.
They set off a dirty bomb, the most destructive thing you can imagine.
$800 worth of damages.
I see it going the other way, right?
ISIS goes to Ferguson.
They're ready to wreck shit.
The people of Ferguson push back.
They start rioting.
They're chanting.
There's all sorts of periscope webcam footage and shit.
They beat the
fuck out of isis and then destroy ferguson anyway because who knows why like i don't even believe
them when they say like new shit like oh they're destroying ferguson like i i drove through
ferguson literally two days ago and it's like it's there's not really anything to destroy
like it's just it's a
shithole like if you were to drive through there and i told someone who was new to the area like
yeah you know those riots those continued up until nine hours ago they'd be like wow really i can
tell like there's still a fire burning in a can like yeah i know right out of control that guy's
bleeding yeah that guy's bleeding right now it's it's bleeding right now. It's a horrible area,
and it's right next to the airport,
so it just makes everybody feel unwelcome
and scared as soon as they get here.
My dogs are trigger happy as fuck.
So already my family's not home,
and it's not that, like,
Colin's protecting me from bad guys or anything,
but the fact that there's people
spread out throughout the house...
There's eyes and ears. There's an alarm system. There's an alarm birds out there perfect kyle that's so great and uh but now
there's not and every so often i bet it happens sometime today during the recording the dogs
would be like and they'll go sprinting towards whatever it is that they just heard and i'm like
well fuck you know and i just doxxed myself like there's hundreds of thousands a hundred thousand towards whatever it is that they just heard. And I'm like, well, fuck.
And I just doxxed myself.
There's hundreds of thousands,
100,000 views on these videos now or something like that.
And I'm like, well, shit.
Let's go see what's going on.
And I've cleared the house. I probably cleared the house three times yesterday.
Because what do you do?
The dogs are like...
One time I thought I heard a door open.
You need the chime on the door
so that if any door or window opens,
you get a chime and you know it happened.
Otherwise, you're safe, right?
I guess.
I don't know.
I still feel like...
Do you mean it traipses around
like a maniac, gun-drawn,
turning into each of your corridors?
Like Fox Mulder.
It's like an actual movie.
Looking for an alien.
The flashlight doesn't reach to the end
of the long hallway,
so you don't know what you're getting into.
I don't literally hold it like this
and tuck around corners and stuff,
but I've got a route now that I just go,
and I'm like, all right.
I'm typically in my office.
WoodyCraft's doing this reset for factions and what we're going to do is leapfrog every
other faction server in the world and be the best it's ever been.
That's what we have to do.
So I've been working late and I'm always in the far corner of the house.
So I have a pattern to go do a sweep and make sure it's good.
Mostly just turn on the lights and make sure it's cool do you ever practice or maybe haven't have an idea of like what you say when you when you like
startle the burglar like like what are you what are your words like like do you know what you're
gonna say or are you just like ah there's no oh i never even thought about that there's no talking
no if someone it's your neighbor just had a car accident at the end of your driveway and they've
stumbled into your home and you just pump three three fucking shells into it if it's your neighbor just had a car accident at the end of your driveway and they've stumbled into your home and you just pumped three fucking shells into them?
If it's a neighbor I don't recognize – I mean if they're in my house, they're dead.
There is a death penalty for entering my house.
You've got to say something though.
You've got to let them know.
I know we all live in states where there's like castle doctrine and you can just kill them.
But you probably shouldn't. You probably shouldn't. You know, like clue them know. I know we all live in states where there's, like, castle doctrine, so you can just kill them, but you probably shouldn't, you know?
You probably shouldn't, yeah.
What if it's a surprise fucking birthday party?
This is a foreign concept to me. No, no, like,
they're gonna die.
They're gonna die. I will shoot them.
But they don't have to.
If it turns out that it's Ted, the neighbor,
you're gonna be like, oh, thank God I said something
so I didn't blow this guy's brain out.
How would my neighbor be in my house?
He just had an accident in your driveway, had a concussion.
He's very confused.
He stumbled into the nearest light source he's seen, and he needs help.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
I'm finishing that job.
Yeah, no, it never even occurred to me to talk to someone before I shoot them.
Oh, yeah, you've got to announce yourself.
I don't think so.
No, no, no, no.
First shot.
First shot right here.
You don't have to, but, man, what Kyle said really opened up my eyes.
I fantasized about, like, what I would do if someone came in and I snuck up on them,
but I only get to the fantasy of shooting them.
Like, I would probably get to the point of, like, trying to say something,
and I would try and be clever and, like, really fuck it up,
and it would just ruin.
I'd have to kill them anyway so they can't you have the wrong address my
friend looks like this guy surrounded slaps out of your hand no I'm thinking
it through I think kill on sight is like even after all this talking if there's a
fucker in my house that I don't know I'm gonna assume they're armed well I would
castle doctrine is yeah they're fucking gone I wouldn't do. I'm going to assume they're armed. Well, I would never do that. Castle Doctrine is, yeah, they're fucking gone.
I wouldn't do that.
I wouldn't advise that either because of like, it could be a family member or a friend.
It could be some sort of-
Well, I would recognize a family member.
I'm not saying I shoot without identifying a target.
So wait, now I understand.
In your scenario, you're like, turn around.
I don't know you. Bang, now I understand. In your scenario, you're like, turn around! I don't know you.
Bang, bang, bang!
Like, is that how it goes?
I mean, okay.
For starters, the whole family thing,
there's only three people I'm related to in this state, right?
Ten, four.
So it's...
Setting aside, surprise surprise family reunion, birthday
party. Hey, we're all here. We know
it's the holidays. We thought we'd bring it to you.
We know you're busy. It's dad and Uncle
Steve and Cousin Carl
and Little Mikey and the boys.
Well, you don't know Little Mikey. He's your nephew.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
There's got to be some allowance for
the possibility that someone's
in your house but not necessarily a bad guy.
I don't think you get the first bullet off in your scenario, Kyle.
For Castle Doctrine, I'm looking up specific laws by state.
I was trying to look for you guys.
In Missouri, it applies to any building or temporary or permanent inhabitable structure, including tents.
So if someone opens up your tent window and just looks in ah just
that's great she's coming right for us like i'm not a hundred percent sure i think it should
include tents um i'm not a hundred percent sure if you can kill people in your garage like if
someone's in my stable stealing a mower i think there should be a death penalty for that but i'm
not sure it's legal you You can. You can.
And in fact, I was reading about the one in Texas
and this specific provision
in Texas that says that you can
shoot them in the back if they're fleeing
your property with
stolen goods, but only if it's
nighttime. If it's
daytime, like they literally do it like from a
dust till dawn type law, the way they do hunting
regulations, like, you know, opening day of deer season is is at a particular time like exact exact
down to the hour and so is this provision it's like if it's between the hours of 6 p.m and 6 a.m
and he's fleeing your property with your riding mower you can shoot him in the back just it's just
such a silly provision but yeah there's there's little tidbits in those laws that are a little weird.
It's like one of those weird, made-up laws from back in the day.
Like, oh, in Marylandville, Vermont, you can't walk backwards while singing on Sunday.
It's like, well, you probably could get away with it.
If I had to guess at what that provision is about, I would imagine that it's that, hey, during the daytime,
if he's running away from your property with a TV set, we're probably going to catch him.
But at nighttime, probably not gonna.
He might escape.
So you've got more of a justification to shoot at him, I suppose.
But yeah, I feel like I will never be part of a surprise party at Woody's house ever.
Like not even, and I warn everyone, anyone who might be related to Woody,
just know surprise parties are not the thing for him.
But yeah, I think I would, hey, who are you?
Freeze, don't move, don't move.
You know, one of those.
I can't find the kind of details that Taylor was able to find
for his state on North Carolina.
It just keeps saying a home, a motor vehicle, or a business.
That's what the castle doctrine applies to, which is interesting.
You're not required to retreat in your car, but that's how it works.
I can see pros and cons of that.
But I don't know what a home is.
I assume home is the home part and that my stable is not my home.
I think that's if they're trying to carjack you, you shoot out the window back that makes sense yeah yeah um you know it
in a scenario like that i'm guessing the carjacker has already anticipated that you might want to
drive away and it's you know got you got you in a position where that'd be hard to do like i can't
imagine trying to carjack somebody using my fists
when they're first in line at the green light, you know?
Yeah, I imagine it's like this, you know, like, get out, get out, get out.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sure you could do it in your shed.
If it's anything like Missouri says here, which, what do you say?
Your staple.
It says anything with a roof over it is fine.
Pig pen.
Yeah, I would love to have a a home defined rodeo but north carolina might be different with regards to the other buildings
corral in a case like that it was him or me well house i i when i took my concealed carry
license it was before north carolina had a doctrine. And they pretty much taught you,
like, don't talk to the police. And by the way, a cop gave the course or an ex-cop.
Don't talk to the police. If you do feel, if you can't stop yourself from saying anything, say,
and I wish I had the quote perfect, but it was something like, I felt at fear for my life.
That's it. You know, like, oh, what happened? What happened? I feared for my life.
That's all you need to say. And say no more
until you get your attorney. I feared for my life.
Oh, well, how did it go down?
Well, he had me fearing for my life.
Well, he was napping on my couch.
I snuck right up behind him.
I was terrified.
What I'm reading here about North Carolina,
you better make pretty sure
that he is an imminent
threat of death to you
because that
he is not
however a person is justified in the use of deadly force
and does not have a duty to retreat in any
place he or she has the lawful right to be
if either of the following applies
he or she reasonably believes that such force
is necessary
to prevent imminent death or great bodily harm or some long statute is it possible that are you
reading about the castle doctrine or uh yes castle doctrine in america
i'm just on the wikipedia page and it has a list of all the states that have it, and that's where I am.
Okay.
Because what you described is what they taught us in the concealed carry,
and since then, the laws have been more shooter-friendly.
So I don't know if yours is up to date, or if I'm out of date.
You know, maybe they change it again. I'm not sure.
That's why I was just asking about your source.
Yeah.
I don't know.
But I think if someone's in your house, you're pretty much good to kill that motherfucker.
I agree.
It's just like, you know,
if you see a bunch of tufts of white hair
coming out the back for an elderly man,
maybe don't just be like,
freeze!
Just blow his fucking old man brains.
Just dementia splattering all over your brand new upholstery.
I've already agreed to identify the target first,
make sure that it's human
or some animal I don't want in there.
Stringent stance.
Yeah, yeah.
And make sure that it's not, you know,
one of the three people in my immediate family.
And I guess if he looks old and elderly or something.
But I feel like you've created a loophole in there.
All you need to do is dress up like those basketball players
who school everyone.
You know, when the pro basketball player pretends to be someone's great uncle,
and then he just owns the new...
What if that scenario goes down in your house?
Huh? Right?
The guy's got white hair, but he's really a pro athlete?
In that scenario.
You're fucked.
He could be a pro golfer or a pro bowler,
but he's not going to be turning around and rugby tackling you to the ground.
I wish I had the player right, but they take some NBA star,
dress him up, give him a cane and some out-of-date clothing.
Okay, you've seen this.
And then he goes and he asks if he can play,
and he might fumble a dribble or two,
but within a few minutes he's dunking on people,
just like schooling them
with his legit nba basketball skills and people are like what they did it with um peter forsberg
did you see that one by chance i did oh were they but like on on their ice they did it for peter
i'm almost positive it was peter forsberg it was an ex-Colorado Avalanche star. Is there another one I might be missing? Joe Sackick, maybe. He's the only one as big as Forsberg. Yeah, I think it was
probably Forsberg. I'm not positive. It's awesome. I gotta watch that. It wasn't as great as you'd
hope. Like, he did well and he had some good plays, but even afterwards, he's like, ah, he
should have got someone else who plays more than me,'s in better shape than me yeah someone who hasn't been retired for years probably yeah yeah yeah i i he did better than
the other players but it like in the basketball ones you know the guy's literally like dribbling
through someone else's legs and dunking on him and the dominance is so complete in this one
he was the best player on the team but But, you know, that was that.
Which is the thing about hockey.
I don't know.
I've played against –
Another thing about hockey is that your Flyers came back and beat the Blues last night.
I'm so glad you reminded me.
Yeah.
I texted Woody last night.
I'm like, hey, my Blues are playing your Flyers.
It was at the end of the first.
Blues are up 2-0.
I didn't know this.
And then they end up – Flyers come back wait wait fucking horse shit i feel like you're
missing it so so taylor texts and says hey woody my blues are playing your flyers and i'm like oh
awesome let's put a bet on it whoever loses has to tell bad jokes in pkn and pka and uh and you
know whatever i can always come up with some bad jokes. I see them all the time.
No big deal.
And he goes, oh, cool.
I accept.
By the way, we're already up 2-0.
Boy, I didn't know that.
That would have impacted my betting, maybe.
And sure enough, the Flyers won what?
4-3?
4-3.
Yeah, they scored late in the third.
Yeah, they were up 2-0 at the time we started the bet,
but they went up 3-0 at one point.
I was riveted by the entire text exchange.
I was just, you know, I knew,
obviously I don't know anything at all about hockey
or care about it even in the slightest,
so I didn't have any input,
but I was just glued to my phone
getting the updates from Taylor via text.
It was great.
I can't.
Okay, now I can tell you are joking.
Oh, yeah, he doesn't give a shit.
I'm very slow-witted.
I'm not pissed about the joke thing. I'm pissed
because we play the Bruins today
and we needed to beat fucking
Easy Philly and now
if we lose to Philly and the Bruins,
Chicago's going to overtake us. But Philly's
beat us twice this year. We only play them twice
and they beat us both times. Perhaps Easy Philly
is not the nickname you're looking for.
I don't know.
The Broad Street Bullies. I like that.
That's better.
At least they won the cup.
I got a couple bad jokes.
Yeah.
Are we doing PKA or PKN
right now, by the way? N.
N. Okay.
What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair
okay uh not a holy roller uh
am i am i on to something uh you're close
roll aids oh that was horrible yeah i like that one do you have a lot lined up i got a couple oh yeah a couple lined up all right
good good i gotta ask for them from time to time okay oh so i have a thing um i was late for today's show it turned out i was like
five minutes late i thought i was trending more towards 10 and uh i put in the the text exchange
that i take full responsibility which is like god if i were a 17 year old tumblr that would be my
trigger right i take full oh I'm so triggered,
you took full responsibility,
because I hate it.
I take full responsibility is almost always followed up with
and I accept no consequences.
Like I take full responsibility and I'm doing it
because one, there's obviously no one else responsible,
like for me running late,
and two, no one's doing shit about it.
So that's the scenario in which 99% of people take full responsibility.
So are you saying you'd like to institute some sort of a system in which we are penalized for these things?
Via bad jokes.
Via bad jokes is not a bad idea.
I think if you run late, you need to come up with some bad jokes
That works
For every 10 minutes you are late
You are required one bad joke
I prefer 5
And I can be called upon at any point from the other hosts
I think it should be 5
You're 15 minutes late you owe 3 jokes
Okay
Now is there a joke at 3.01
Or is there just no penalty for being less than five minutes late?
I think we need a little bit of wiggle room here.
I'm just trying to define these terms, but I like it.
No, whenever I see a politician accept full responsibility
or some pro athlete or whatever, it's –
I mean, I was talking to Chiz about this last night,
and he's like, I'm in the minority.
But I would prefer an I'm sorry.
Like, I messed up.
I'm sorry.
I feel terrible.
These are the steps I'm going to take to make sure it doesn't happen again, or I can make this better, or whatever.
But I accept full responsibility is always coupled with a, and there's no fixing it, and fuck off.
That's about me.
It's just how it is.
Yeah. That's just how it is. Hey's just how it is hey i'm late i accept
full responsibility can we move on now yeah i uh it's it's a phrase that i think people associate
with like manning up and being honorable and like on top of. But I really see it as a way slithery people get out of stuff
because it's always used in that situation.
Yeah, I'm late.
I accept full responsibility.
Now, fuck off.
I'm trying to think of good examples of politics of that,
and I can't think of any.
Hillary did it for Benghazi.
I accept full responsibility.
Did she really, though? Did she I accept full responsibility. Did she really though?
Did she really accept full responsibility?
Of course not.
I mean,
there's no consequence.
I mean,
did she actually say that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Obama said it when the,
um,
Obamacare website.
Yeah.
I don't know if you remember when Obamacare was first released,
the website was overwhelmed.
Uh,
some,
I think it struggled the whole time,
right?
Like it was awful all the way through.
Yeah.
You say all the way through.
I mean,
it's still up now.
I think it still, to this day,
struggles with infrastructure issues and serving clients.
I don't, but I could be wrong.
To me, it got sorted out in about six weeks.
And that's not great, you know, six weeks of a launch,
but people still remember it and have a bad taste about it.
It dented its reputation.
But Obama accepted full responsibility.
But I noticed, didn't resign.
No.
It takes a lot for a president to resign.
It does.
They got to be about to knock the door down and arrest him.
He's like, hey, time to pull the parachute.
Hey, VP, you got my back, right?
Cool.
Yeah.
Parachuting out. Obama accepted full responsibility for a slow website but didn't resign and you know like i don't hate obama i
sound like i do right now but uh what i hate is the term i accept full responsibility and no
consequences but that second part is just implied yeah sometimes there are consequences though like
like i remember i don't know i feel like sometimes
when guys are in serious trouble like like jared fogel type trouble when you know they're about to
go away they'll say that too they're like and i accept the consequences that are you know and
then they do they have to you don't really have any choice you know if he didn't accept them
would anything change like it's not like at that point it's like his own perception yeah why remain
indignant at that point?
Like, and I'd masturbate to all that again
as he's walking into the jail.
Like, there's no point.
You're just ruining the rest.
Here's a scenario.
I'm in college.
I've told this story before,
so I'm going to fast forward.
I'm in college.
It's the end of my first term.
I'm getting good grades
for like the first time in my recent life,
and we're very excited, we're cleaning out the door room
to go for Christmas break, and part of that involved
emptying the refrigerator.
I had like salsa and jelly and things like that,
and we dropped it down the stairway.
Stairwell goes up halfway, turns around,
you can see all the way down the middle.
Probably everyone's like spit down the middle
for distance at some point in their life,
but we were dropping jars of shit.
Anyway, we get caught.
The person, they're called an RD,
they're in charge of, like an RA makes sure
that the floor behaves, an RD makes sure
that the whole building behaves.
So this is like the boss of the RAs comes up
and says, we know that you guys dropped the jelly,
you're busted, and we're like, what, no jelly?
Nope, don't like it, don't know it, not familiar with this jelly shit that you're busted and um we're like what no jelly nope don't like it don't know it i'm not familiar
with this jelly shit that you're talking about uh i know nothing of the sort and eventually she
says look i'm gonna hold you you and you responsible for this and one of the guys wasn't
responsible at all like he he was innocent so that's when i stepped up and accepted full
responsibility and they threw me out of the dorms.
It changed my whole life upside down.
It's really responsible for why I worked during the day and went to school at night for the next fucking 12 years.
Why take that bullet?
You should never be the one to take the bullet.
Just let it dissipate.
If someone else doesn't take it, then they can't just pin it on all of you.
It's what I do.
You know, like they were about to hold an innocent man responsible.
So I accepted responsibility and there were actually consequences to my action.
I think they were a little harsh.
I think that you prematurely pulled out the I am Spartacus line.
And then you just took the fall when they really didn't have as much to go on.
Because I've seen people do that too,
where they take, they're like, you know,
whose is this? Whose drugs are these?
And someone's like, they're mine.
They're my drugs. Punish me, not these peons.
And it's like, all right, well, thanks for taking the heat,
but they couldn't have pinned that on anyone.
It's just a bad thing to do to jump up and take the blame.
In terms of, like, strategy and avoiding responsibilities, yes, you're right.
Your way is way better.
I would have remained in school.
Probably would have had better grades the next term.
Probably would have swam faster, which was important to me at the time.
Had I had better nutrition instead of living on stovetop stuffing because I'm fucking incompetent at taking care of myself at the time.
And, you know, all that that stuff but the guy was innocent and she was about to try to hold
him responsible and that is i accept responsibility with consequences um i got questioned for
something that happened in my dorm my freshman year and i legitimately didn't do it so i didn't
take any blame but our ra was, cool for the first couple weeks
and then got really bitchy and was cracking down on, like,
not even, like, you know,
oh, you guys need to quit doing coke in here, like, crazy drugs.
It was just like, you guys are playing music too loud at 9.45.
And one of my friends got obliterated drunk one night on, like, a Wednesday,
so nobody's expecting that.
And at like two in
the morning, he went out and it was carpet from the hallway into the, uh, so door to the dorm,
carpet in the hallway and hard floor on the inside, in the foyer of the dorm on all of them.
And this guy, he went and when he was so drunk, he laid down sideways by her door
and then just peed through the slot into her room.
And so just laid there and took a big drunk pee right into her room
and got up and jogged back.
And we're like, dude, what did you do?
Because we didn't go with him.
We didn't watch him do it.
It's like, Zach, where were you?
He's just laughing.
He's like, oh, I peed in Stephanie's room.
I was like, what?
How'd you get in?
No, no, I just laid down.
I just laid down.
I just laid down and I peed through the side.
And it's like, why?
Someone's got to find out.
Did she see you?
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
The next day, she's knocking around.
Do you know anything about someone who might have poured water or done something underneath my door?
No.
No, I have no idea.
I wasn't about to take that bullet, and I don't think anybody got in trouble for it, because I think he was just blackout.
Yeah.
It's such a mean-spirited thing to do.
It's awful.
But I'll tell you, if someone does that
to my house, you know what happens.
You shoot them. I pop a cap in their ass.
I don't even want to fart at Woody's house.
It can get rough.
The dog's
pointing you.
He smells the fart. He knows
where it came from.
There's a gas leak. My life's
in danger.
He's coming right at me.
Oh, did I ever show you the gun that i got back from jeremy
i did i think you did yeah it was silver and black yeah yeah yeah yeah you showed us that one
i don't know why like i don't understand what kind of gun that is or if it's super super nice
it's just it's not a very aesthetically appealing gun i don't think yeah it's not it's not a pretty
gun at all it's um i think they're like 700 or 750 bucks it's just that it's a small uh pistol and it's
a 40 caliber rather than a smaller like a nine millimeter or 380 it's it's got it's got a lot
of pop to it for such a small gun that's the whole thing i'm sure they're good guns but i've never
seen a car that appeals to me card k-a-h-r it's a gun manufacturer kyle knows this i'm sure we both
do but i thought a listener might not.
Yeah, I think they own Desert Eagle
now, or at least they're under the same brand
in one way or another, because I got these through a deal
where they gave me
a Desert Eagle and some money to do
a video for it, and I was like, you need some of those
things too, so they gave me a couple of these things.
I do like Deagle's.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Is there any practical purpose for them?
For Desert Eagle?
Yeah.
I always read that it had something to do with the Israelis at stopping points, checkpoints,
and the ability of the 50 Action Express to supposedly crack an engine block or damage one if a car is rushing toward it.
But that seems like horse shit to me.
They're very accurate.
They're not all enormous 50 action express or 44 magnum you know you can get a 357 magnum one which i've got
and uh it's pretty pleasant to shoot very accurate and it's a well-made gun i like i like the way
they come apart i got a couple barrels laying here next to me like i i know that a 44 magnum
cannot crack an engine block i know know this cause there's a website.
I get the name wrong.
It's like box.
Oh,
truth.
I don't think it's box of truth.
Something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But,
uh,
he does lots of stuff.
Well,
I don't know.
I haven't been there in a little bit and he's old,
so I hope he's still doing stuff.
But,
um,
uh,
he did a lot of stuff at first involving penetration testing.
You know,
how many phone books can the different calibers shoot through what happens when you shoot drywall
there's a lot of people think that drywall like a shotgun will completely
obliterate a person obliterate obliterate a person completely obliterate a person
but drywall stops it cold you know there's hardly any repair to do it and
you know he shoots it and like you can see what
uh different buck shots and stuff actually do anyway he shot a car and he got a car and he did
penetration testing like on the doors through the windows on the engine block etc and that stuff's
really subjective though because it's like what kind of ammunition did he use i could think of
like half a dozen kinds of ammunition that are like either custom made
or special order that might do it.
And then, you know, like what kind of engine block and is it a direct shot?
It's hard to get that stuff right and to say, yeah, no, it can never do it.
Because there's always some way, well, oh, well, what if I use this Hyundai cast block
and I use this 44 Magnum Plus P penetrator
round, can I do it then? Well, yeah, you can
do it then, but there's always
something. Where do you have to shoot at
the car to hit the engine block?
Through the radiator, maybe?
You could shoot above
if the tire's like this,
just right in front of the tire
in that area, right above
in the fender well.
I never would have thought that a.44 Magnum wouldn't, you know, crack.
To me, if you shoot it from the sides, I think, like most of the motors I can think of in my head,
you're likely to hit either the intake or exhaust manifolds first.
And intake might cause a problem.
Exhaust wouldn't at all.
It would be, you'd make it slightly smug. Make it sound a little better.
Sound a little better.
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no, no., I don't... Hit me again!
Good luck passing inspection now, motherfucker!
You'll never be
California compliant again!
Did I ever tell you guys
about when I couldn't get my car
to pass emissions?
Drive around from place to place.
My 300C,
which I am never buying another fucking
Chrysler product again. It's been horrible.
It's got a 5.7 liter
V8 Hemi engine in it.
Way too powerful for this
boat of a car that I drive around.
And it took me a full afternoon to get
my emissions done once because I dropped
it off there. No, over a day because I
had to come back the next day and be like,
hey, is my car done? They're like, ah you know we couldn't get it to pass i'm like all right well what's the procedure
like because i need this to pass because i don't have a because i got a you know a jefferson here
that says it passed it's like you know it's it's pouring rain right now he's like how about you
just you know go out there drive it for 30 35 minutes and
then come back and we'll try it again it's like oh fuck so i'm driving in the rain livid driving
around bring it back doesn't work have to do it again the guy offers to drive it out for me because
he started to feel bad he brings like eventually after like a 10 hour ordeal i get my fucking you
know emissions done but i hate this putting that engine in a car is
fucking stupid when did this happen uh oh like four years ago so has it passed since then like
what's this it has once yeah and even that took two attempts so you don't get inspected annually in Missouri you can do it every two years oh so it's due soon
yes yeah I
need to do that very soon
and it's not going to fucking work and I'm dreading it
we should find
some online tips I bet there's some
some like you know towel
around the xbox dryer on
your car dent kind of work
around to make that thing pass emissions for 20 minutes.
Maybe a fuel additive.
I'm thinking that, yeah.
The intake?
I didn't find any solutions. I'm not
car savvy enough to get in there and start fucking with stuff.
I'm not going to do that.
But I did see a ton of other people be like,
yeah, the 300? Doing that for you too,
huh? They're like, 5.7 liter
Hemi? Oh yeah yeah it's a real
bitch and it's like well what's the fucking point of this i bet i bet there's a way to tweak uh to
just access the computer and tweak it so that you know i bet i bet someone's already done it so you
can you can make it pass emissions and it probably would lose a ton of power and uh and stuff but
then you know you pass the emissions and you go back in and flip it back the way it's supposed to be i had a ford focus that would throw codes and make it fail uh inspection uh but i also
had one of those code reading tools so i would reset it and uh it didn't throw codes immediately
it wasn't like you turned it on then suddenly there was a problem so uh you know like i i clear
it i get it inspected and they're like ah ah, we can't pass this because the codes have been cleared within 24 hours.
And I'm like, oh, so what is the time?
Let's reschedule this.
So I think it was 48 hours.
It has to be 48 hours.
So I'd be like, all right, all right, two days from now now at about this time i'm going to have it done so like i go and if i could go 49 hours without throwing a code i'd head right there get it
inspected and that's how i passed wow something's wrong with that system both these jackasses are
passing i couldn't fix it i uh i don't know if the me of today would do better. This is like 10, 15 years ago.
But it had something to do with like the PVC valve or something.
One of the tricky emissions vacuum lines.
I don't know.
So I've got, so I looked on my Skype when I hopped on here.
I don't stay on Skype regularly at all.
It's on this PC and on nothing else.
So if I'm not downstairs working, I'm not by Skype.
I saw that Wings had Skyped me
and he sent me a link to
the Hateful Eight
rip. I guess there's
screener versions of all
the big movies this holiday are out already.
I don't want to do that
because there is one of those 70mm theaters
near me and that's what I'm going to.
I sent him a message,
because I had this idea.
I was like,
I'd like to make Hot Wings of Redemption hot sauce.
And I offered to pay him a licensing fee
to use his name and image on the bottles.
So we'll see what he writes back,
because I think it would be funny to do, like,
50 bottles of hot sauce or something.
Like, you know, have a picture of Wings on, put a chef hat on him,
have him like, yeah, like on the cover with a big like, you know,
trust the chef, you know, apron on or something.
And then hot Wings Redemption, you know, hot sauce.
I was thinking we could sell booze in his name or like wine of redemption,
but inside it's just iced tea.
It says like, you know, 30% alcohol and it's just sweet tea for you don't even have to get alcohol licensing crystal light i am what
does it take to sell hot sauce i wonder like oh so i know how to so i was gonna go to someone who
already bottles hot sauce you know um and and put our label on their thing. And, you know, just pick a sauce that we think would exemplify Wings of Redemption and then
go with that sauce rather than me being in my kitchen, you know, grinding herbs and chili
powders and stuff like that and making my own hot sauce.
We'll find one that is.
I love the picture of you, though, up there, like getting really into it, like you get
into things where you're like, you taste it and you're like,
No! No, no, no, no, no! Fuck!
Slap everything off the stove.
Can you settle down, coil?
My peaches! My fruit peaches!
She's got, like, a whole chemistry set from doing all her candles and stuff.
So I probably could be some sort of a chemist slash chef coming up with something like that.
But yeah, I just thought I wanted to do that forever.
And I know he's never going to do it.
So I figured, you know, this would be the way to do it.
And he knows he's not going to do it, I think.
But I think it'd be easy to do.
You know, find a company, be like, yeah, we want 50 bottles of this Hot Wings Redemption
with these labels on it, upload the design
and just make it happen. I would
want one in my kitchen just to have it.
You know what I mean?
I'm going to look into that a little bit, see if he's
willing. If not, that's cool. I told him as much.
Which route are you going to go with
the hot sauce? Because it seems like every novelty
one is either
a decent hot sauce
or they go the route of making it so
ludicrously hot
that you can't even use it.
I have one called Ass Blaster.
I have one called Ass Blaster and you can't even eat it.
Get some new pepper you've never even
heard of. No, I wouldn't do that.
I would want something that's similar to like
Frank's Red Hot because I know that's what Wings
likes. That's what he actually enjoys
is Frank's Red Hot. So I would that's what Wings likes. That's what he actually enjoys, is Frank's Red Hot. So I would want something
that's got like a buttery
base to it, like Frank's
does. Something like that.
You can actually use that to make wings.
Yeah, you can make wings with it or put it on chili
and pizza or whatever. As a matter of fact,
Wings is 30%
that hot sauce. So
you did use it to make wings.
Yeah.
I've always thought that'd be funny uh the idea of hot wings of redemption as the tagline is just the whole genesis of it but
but we'll see if he says uh he's up for it or not you never know he may have wings i'm gonna do this
thing and you'll essentially get free money since i'm handling all the distribution and production
shipping all of it
like yeah he's fine with that like why would he not be he'll be cool he might not be uh some people
are just you know uh nah nah i don't want that i would have to one of the benefits of this whole
thing is like if i did it i would have to go see wings of redemption and take some photos
because i would want to do it right i don't want to just photoshop a chef's hat on him i want to
put a chef's hat on him and take some pictures.
Have him in an actual kitchen doing some cooking.
Get a whole range of things.
And also on the back near the ingredients,
I want there to be a side column with the top of it.
He's got chef clothes on and a hat tasting something,
and then there's his fake chef bio underneath it
of how he came to be a chef.
It's a lot of made-up credentials yeah he's after completing his first michelin star restaurant
south carolina culinary institute the conway center for cooking greatness.
Yeah, that would be fun.
I enjoy coming up with little stupid things like that.
Taylor. Bad joke, please.
Oh.
Let me see.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
None.
Yep.
That's a famine joke. What did the lepers say to the prostitute I just something about the tip just a tip what keep the tip keep the tip I think that
works that works what's a Jews dilemma? I don't know.
Free ham.
Oh, God.
I had to process that.
I'm just on a list of bad jokes.
How I assume you do it.
I swear to God, I run across jokes throughout the week.
And then like, oh, this one's a groaner.
I'm going to keep it.
Yeah.
You want to hear one?
I'd tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would kill me.
All right.
This one's a little longish.
It's like two paragraphs, so you have to listen.
But this is what I was going to tell had my flyers not beat the living daylights out of the blues.
You'll one by one in the third, okay?
All right.
A doctor had a good reputation of helping couples enjoy the sex in their life,
but he always promised not to take a case if he felt he couldn't help them.
The Browns came in to see the doctor, and he had physical exams, psychological exams, and tests,
and concluded, I'm happy I can help you.
On your way home from my office, stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and a donut.
Grapes and a donut.
Go home, take off your clothes. office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and a donut grapes and a donut go home
take off your clothes you sir roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bullseye in
your wife's love canal on your hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the
grape using only your tongue next ma'am you need to take the donuts from across the room and toss
them at your husband until you make a ringer on his love pole. Then, like a lioness, crawl across the room and consume the donut.
The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, the Greens, that they should see the good doctor.
The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case
unless he felt that he could help them.
So he conducted the physical exams and the same battery and tests
and told the Greens the bad news.
I can't help you. I'm not taking your money.
I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be.
I can't help.
The Greens pleaded with them and said,
You helped our friends. Please help us.
The doctor says, All right.
On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store.
Buy some apples and a box of Cheerios.
And that's right.
That's just hilarious.
I love the joke.
Ah, it's because he's got a little dick
and she's got a gigantic pussy.
Yes.
I put the pieces together.
That is why.
You know what we should do more often is riddles.
I love riddles.
I love riddles too, but I can't find good ones
that are like the happy medium between too easy or so hard that it's like, let me get a padded pen.
I want the riddle that a Greek god would give me, and if I get it wrong, he's going to burn my soul for all eternity.
If I get it right, I get to fuck some virgins or something.
Like one of those, like, you know, where the answer is the wind or, you know, the rain or something like that.
A riddle that like Bilbo would have told spiegel
to escape that cave sure i liked those yeah yeah i remember like like the first time i watched that
like i don't know if that's in the book i i haven't read any of that um but but the first time
i watched that and got that part i'm like trying to do my head and i got like maybe two or three
of them and i was like yeah yeah this is kind of fun keep going keep going like i didn't want that
scene in if i remember that book correctly,
because Tolkien had a masterful mind for the story,
but for the actual delivery and the writing of it,
it was like, oh my God, fucking hurry up with this.
If I remember that section of the book in The Hobbit correctly,
he just made the riddles a belabored point.
It's like, oh my God, another riddle.
I get it.
It's hard for him to escape.
And then so many of them.
Alright, let's try to find some riddles.
Riddles.com.
Let's see if that's a site.
I want to talk about it on PKA, but have you seen Star Wars yet?
No, no. I've seen
F is for Family.
I've seen F is for Family, Star Wars i've seen that too f is for family star wars the
revenant and hateful eight oh i can't believe you watch those oh i can yeah i
the hateful eight i won't spoil it i swear to god this will be totally spoiler free
um it was very very good i don't want to say why i liked
it because even that can provide hints and stuff but i very much liked it and i well there were
some great snowscapes and stuff i don't know why they made such a big deal out of the uh like
appearance of the snowfalls and the 70 millimeter and all that bullshit was just totally it wasn't
you watch it on a computer screen though yeah well what i'm saying is it wasn't a graphically
driven story at all it's like i don't think you got you put it between as how long was yours
those because because i think you i don't know but maybe the screener that's out there is doesn't
have those like eight minutes of 70mm landscapes or whatever.
Of course, I know you're not interested in that anyway.
Yeah, I hear you.
I saw there were...
Sometimes I was watching it and I was like, oh, I bet this is the eight minutes of landscape stuff.
This is not a spoiler at all.
It would show trees and snow falling.
And you're like, oh, he's taking advantage of the equipment he has.
But the story was driven by the people and the story not by like some people are going to not like this opinion.
some people are going to not like this opinion but i think if they had done something like avengers or batman or something like that and broken new ground and cinematography or restored
old methods or something like that i would have been like oh yes because these are very like that
i think in batman you had some 70s or 65 or something like that like Something like that, yeah. I agree. But in something like that
where they're trying to do something visual,
like this,
the cinematography was great,
but that wasn't the point of the movie.
Yeah, it's always dialogue driven with him.
I love the dialogue.
I love the two people going back and forth
sitting at a table.
And I can,
like when Christoph Waltz is sitting there
talking to anybody across the table, I can like when Christoph Waltz is sitting there talking to anybody across
the table, I want more.
I want more. I want him to keep it coming
with the witty dialogue and the perfect
delivery. I don't know actors. What movie are we
talking about?
He's the German in Django and
he's the Jew hunter in Glorious
Bastards. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think he got an Oscar for that one.
As you know, he was in Hateful Eight.
Everyone in Hateful Eight,
every actor did a great job.
I didn't know he was in Hateful Eight.
Where would you rank it compared to his other movies?
Better than True Romance and Kill Bill?
Worse than Django?
Where in that list?
I'm thinking it competes for best movie.
I really liked Reservoir Dogs.
One of his first older ones
i don't know first one um that's my favorite of his like pulp fiction best i really liked pulp
fiction but this competes with those two great i'm even more excited then uh i'm going to watch
the uh the road show edition of it you know the the thing with the intermission and the three hours and seven minutes.
It wasn't on the website.
I looked.
The roadshow edition of it, there is actually one in Durham.
But I didn't see the one that, I didn't see an Atlanta theater on there.
It's in Beaufort.
Beaufort.
It's about 45 minutes from me and another 45 from actual Atlanta.
So it's close.
It's the one I always go to.
It's the Regal IMAX 16, I think, at the Mall of Georgia.
Well, I think that you'll like it.
I'm excited.
I feel like a year and a half ago we used to spoil Game of Thrones with irreverence.
But I don't want to do that with some of these movies.
want to do that with with some of these movies part of the reason i watched um uh hateful eight is that several people reached out to me to spoil star wars i saw star wars when it was like 48
hours old maybe less something like i saw it pretty soon but uh did you guys see star wars
i did he didn't i have not i don't care if there are spoilers. Other people might though. They revealed the most critical
plot points to me.
4chan already ruined it.
They may or may not have.
You never know with 4chan.
4chan are the kind that would show you
something happening and just photoshop it
to make it look like it's one character
when it was another.
So you go into it thinking that
something awful happens to Princess Leia.
They'll fuck with you that way i watch they're awful people but i watched it like you hoping that it was a you know it was a misleading spoiler and it was not
oh that's a shame yeah and i'm like someone's a dick so um I'm thinking about asking our audience for help doxing this guy.
You know, doxing the first one.
Did he spoil?
I'll do this in a way that provides nothing.
Did he spoil what happens on a bridge?
Yep.
Oh, that's lame of him.
What a jerk.
Yep, yep.
I thought it was a good movie.
I thought it was probably second or maybe the best Star Wars movie ever.
There were a few little things in there,
but the way the story came together
and a few little plot points that I was just kind of,
eh, I don't know about this or that.
It wasn't a perfect movie, but it was good,
and I think it stands out among Star Wars movies.
I liked the performances. I liked the performances.
I liked the villain.
One of my friends said that there was
something they disliked about it is that it seemed
like there are
too much attempt at comic relief
during potentially serious scenes
where it'd be like something would happen and then like a
goofy robot would like
do something that robots aren't supposed to do and it's like
oh you and like some giggling in the theater did was that a trend you noticed or no you know i i felt more
the most emotionally connected with the robot like the robot obviously it speaks in that robot
language the but like that's all you need to get a you can i could read that robot really well i
could tell when the robot was sad i could tell when it was excited i could tell when it was
fearful of what was happening next. I didn't feel
like it did that. There was a scene where the robot loses someone close to it. And you're
like, oh, the fucking robot's sad, man. I didn't get any of that. I thought there were
some funny parts, and I liked them. I guess we should probably leave it at that. I don't
want to spoil any Star Wars stuff. I thought it was good. Definitely worth a watch.
I didn't watch it on a special screen or anything.
I wanted to watch it.
I was going to have to wait outside for like an hour and a half.
So I just watched it on a regular screen.
It's about 40 minutes from me.
But there is an IMAX theater with a 50 by 70 foot screen or something.
Whatever the big screen is.
And I don't know if they have a film projector.
It was hard to get data on the projector itself,
but it might have dual 4K projectors,
but there's apparently a top-notch IMAX screen in my area.
I watched Star Wars on that.
I don't know.
It was good, but in the end,
I was like, it's a different experience.
You were too young to see Star Wars in theaters
when it first came out, right?
It came out in 77?
Yeah, so I would have been four for that.
I definitely saw Empire Strikes Back in the theater.
I'm not sure if I saw Star Wars in a theater
for the first time.
Probably did.
Yeah.
What about The Revenant? How was that?
Bad. Really?
Yeah, it's a shit-tier movie.
Yeah, Chiz disagrees
with me, so there's some hope there.
But it is an absolute
shit-tier movie in which nothing happens.
You know the joke about Lord of the Rings
being just like nine hours of walking?
Yeah.
The Revenant is worse.
I look forward to it.
It's just three hours of limping.
It's total shit tier, boring as fuck.
I'm really disappointed to hear that.
I thought that was going to be great.
You might like it.
Other people probably will,
but I just sat there in disappointment repeatedly like just
watch you win the oscar now uh we are safe from that we are safe from that yeah i think i i saw
the vegas odds i think they's changed i think they were i could get i'll get this wrong but i
think they went from like two to one to five to maybe. Oh, for DiCaprio getting an Oscar?
There's Vegas odds on that?
What do people not bet on?
That's crazy.
I've never done a bet.
There are Vegas odds on everything you can imagine.
The most silly things.
I can assure you this won't spoil a thing.
There are eight people in Hateful Eight I would pick for an oscar above dicaprio
it just i was told during the editing process on hatefully and i can believe this
that some of the hardest one of the like the difficult thing is they were doing the editing
was picking it because like every actor in hateful eight is a pros pro and they're like
which scene to which like there's five takes of this and every single
person nailed every single part of it in all five takes and you know which one do we pick
i believe that yeah i can't i can't wait to see it um really looking forward to it i i'm gonna
i don't know when i'm going exactly. My girlfriend's away.
Whenever she gets back, I guess.
I might go by myself.
I don't know.
I really want to see it.
You got the house to yourself?
Aside from Kitty?
Yeah, Kitty's here.
She's flying to Texas for Christmas tomorrow,
so I'm taking her to the airport then.
Then I'll have... I think she's going to Texas.
Yeah, she's going to Texas.
I didn't know she had friends or family in Texas.
She's got friends everywhere.
How long do you get to run the place by yourself without Kitty and your lady there?
I think like two or three days, something like that.
Probably three days.
Does she kennel the dogs?
Doesn't that get you kind of excited sometimes?
Yeah, I love it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I told my girlfriend.
She got all offended.
I was like, it's going gonna be great once you're gone just like oh fuck you then but uh but i'm just thinking you
know it's gonna be fun uh i'll be able to i don't know eat pizza you know cook french fries and
hamburgers and pizzas at four in the morning and be real loud and play music and uh you know it's
not being happy like in their absence's not being happy in their absence.
It's being happy in your own solitude.
It's fun to be alone.
I've been alone the last couple of days.
I've been hanging out with friends,
but just coming back here and just being by myself,
it's so great.
It's like, what do I want to do?
I want to watch something really loud on that TV and play video games even louder on this TV
because I fucking can.
Just stupid, stupid shit.
Yeah, I might set up an
indoor shooting range or something just to spite
her you know
well not insane things
but I've experimented
I've been cooking I went to Costco
and got just a
ludicrous amount of red meat that I've
been eating trying to make
lamb a little better and I've just been failing
I don't know I trying to make lamb a little better, and I've just been failing.
I don't know.
I talked to, in my chat with all the people who do my Patreon, I was talking to them about how to do lamb.
This Scottish dude was giving me tips, and eventually I just realized I'm not capable of that. I don't know if either of you are big cooks, but when people start giving you instructions like,
well, you've got to make the mint jelly jelly and then just a little bit of this on there
and then you're going to have to, there's like five cooking
steps of like, put it in the oven for three
minutes, then take it out, you know, stovetop,
then back in the oven, and then microwave.
I don't make anything
too complicated. Most of my stuff's fairly
simple, but
I've said it before, my thing is kind of
trying to perfect
something and like combining multiple recipes and
different techniques and stuff and it won't be any it won't be like
It will be like lamb chops or anything
But it'll be like a the best funnel cake I can possibly make or the best french fries
I can possibly make or one time it was bread pudding for some reason
I was addicted to bread pudding and I must have gained 20 pounds
It's delicious the way I make it.
Like it took a while.
But you had to start with special bread and there was like there was a long waiting process.
And you know.
Bread pudding is so bad for you.
It was so good.
I gained like 20 pounds.
I got so fat eating all this bread pudding.
Because like every day I'd make a new one and we just eat it that night.
And I'd throw the leftovers away and we'd make a new one.
And it was like oh maybe ice cream on the bread pudding uh maybe raisins no no not raisins
cherries and just just always coming up with something stupid yeah i'm not shitting soon
enough after i eat my bread pudding put some cherries in big ones prunes i had a dude uh
message me he asked me like three weeks ago like hey i want to send you something uh can you set
up a po box so i can send you some stuff?
And I was like, oh, maybe.
Like, I haven't got around to it yet just because there haven't been a lot of people asking.
And this dude messaged me today.
He's like, well, fuck, man.
You didn't do it before Christmas.
You probably just forgot, and now you're not going to get my present.
I bought you 40 pounds of Cheez-Its.
That's like a terrorist act you're just gonna watch me get fat through like
just some guy uh messaged me on reddit and was like i we i really want to send you something
for christmas and then when i didn't set up a po box and get back to him in time he just sent one
today like fucking ridiculous ridiculous, man.
40 pounds of Cheez-Its, all for you.
And you're not going to get it.
You should go set that up.
You probably already know this going in,
but get the smallest, cheapest one.
And then if you have oversized packages,
they just put them in the back.
There's no reason to get that big,
giant case of PO box that you can get.
My strategy is to dox myself so badly that there's no point behind a PO box.
It just shows up.
I like getting that stuff in the
PO box. Have you guys
seen what's in the closet?
This is where we keep
the cash.
Welcome to my house tour.
When you open Jackie's jewelry jewelry box which she always keeps right
here let me get these pearls out of the jewels we've got cash and those are my those are my
grand grand uncles the balloons those are nice so let's put those back here yeah for safekeeping
remember the good stuff's under the false bottom these are my grandparents engagement rings uh i was gonna say i don't know p.o boxes p.o
boxes yeah i like getting stuff in mine it's p.o box 102 karnesville georgia 30521 it's it's always
fun when i get some random thing in there sometimes it'll just be an insult thrown my way via post for some reason, like he's some
18th century asshole, just write me a mean letter or something, but it's usually in good
taste, all in fun.
But then it'll be weird stuff.
I get weird stuff.
I got so many clothes.
So many children's clothes people sent me, supposedly to dress mannequins with them,
but now I got all these little kids' sweater vests and sweaters and like button-up tops but they fit like a an 11 year old or
something you've got a ton of children's dna scattered about your apartment little hairs
things stand with the guns and shit yeah i really like it when they lately i've been into everyday
carry stuff but i'm too cheap to buy it. So like there's little flashlights,
little key chains,
little,
uh,
I don't know,
tiny knives,
bigger knives,
whatever.
I,
uh,
I just sit there and look at like bottle openers.
Like,
wow,
that's a really good bottle.
I don't have any reason to have a bottle opener in my life,
but,
uh,
uh,
sometimes people send me everyday carry stuff and I think that's the
coolest.
Uh, I like, uh, I like everyday carry stuff and i think that's the coolest i like uh i like everyday carry stuff but at some point it's like i just feel like i've got too much like there's got to
be kind of a basic two or three things and and it would be nice to have a utility belt like batman
and be like oh you need you need you need a chemical compound that's incredibly well i've
got a little right here just a little i got these dissecant pouches here just in case you need one of those ever.
Have you considered a fanny pack?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Photographer's vest, you know, with all the little pockets.
I like those.
Those look very practical.
I like things that are practical, but practical things often look lame.
You know, just like using both straps of your backpack.
Like cargo shorts.
Maybe.
Maybe cargo shorts.
Oh.
Cargo shorts, they are very practical, but they also tend to look a little lame.
Yeah.
Something's so dressed down about them.
Like, I dress down all the time hell
i'm even wearing cargo shorts but uh like it is hard to pull off a i wear cargo shorts yet have
any kind of pride in my appearance look yeah the pockets make them look just like kind of frumpy
and loose because it's just there's no form to it
it looks like you're wearing you know like a paper bag not very flattering let's call the show
okay take our intermission and uh and kick off pka very i like your shorts
all right that was a painkiller nearly episode sweatpants 71 yep