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Painkiller Nearly, episode 86.
Alright.
Kyle? So far so good.
Recording.
I've been sick
for a few days. I feel awful.
What are your symptoms?
You were so sick yesterday you couldn't play video games.
That's incredibly sick.
I've been trying to drag him into movie night.
We haven't done movie night in ages. Taylor,
you and your girlfriend, by the way, are more than welcome.
I'd love to have you. But we used to watch movies like sometimes um you know we'd all buy them at the
same place and and watch them in sync or um sometimes they'd be a netflix one the one i want
to watch i'm flexible really but the one that i picked out uh is a netflix movie so uh which one um stretch stretch what's it about uh oh well funny you asked um
not really you brought it up
hard luck limo driver stretch is struggling to go straight and pay off a debt to his bookie when
he picks up a crazed passenger whose sought-after ledger
implicates some seriously dangerous criminals.
It's rated R, which I like.
Is it in the past?
It doesn't look like it.
But they're after someone's ledger.
Like, a list of names.
It appears.
Blacklist.
Basically, there's this limo driver who's trying to get himself out of trouble,
so he grabs a really dangerous passenger and hijinks ensue,
and it's rated R, which I don't know.
I'm just down for a rated R movie.
I'm tired of all the sanitized stuff.
Bring on the dirt.
I'm a grown-up yeah yeah i like i've
looked a lot into the mpaa and uh and how they rate films and stuff and it's it's it's such a
silly arbitrary process that that really doesn't have anything to do with anything at all just just
so much bullshit well there's the thing about the fuck well there's the thing about the fucks you
know you can have one fuck and there's there there's there's different versions of fuck you can write
the word fuck and that's different but then there's rules like the martian there were there
was one audible fuck one one of those you know we can clearly read his lips and and one like i think
where he either says it or types it or something like but but there's the little things like what
makes a pg what makes the jump
between pg and pg-13 it's that's that's where the bullshit is it's what does it take to go from g
to pg to pg-13 to r to nc-17 and it's the gaps in between that are crucial because the difference
not only applies the box office obviously nobody's going to take anybody to an NC-17 movie. Studios won't,
the theaters won't even show it most
of the time. So if you get
labeled an NC-17, you've got to back off
and send, you know,
revised editions
of the film. So a lot of times
like I've heard Sacha Baron Cohen say,
I'm probably butchering his name,
that he would send in a horrible,
horrible, awful version of the movie first.
He's like, if I wanted
two minutes of a man getting fucked by an
elephant, I'd send him 12 minutes
of a man getting fucked by an elephant.
And in the end, when we chopped it down...
The movie's six hours long!
And in the end, when we cut it down to two minutes,
they were happy and so was I.
You know, something like that.
So it's such a shitty process.
The art of the deal.
You lose a lot of what the filmmaker intended sometimes.
And it's not always over like,
oh, I see, he wanted to shoot a woman in her vagina
and show the whole thing.
No, that wasn't what he wanted.
He just wanted to use a little more coarse language.
Or when the guy got punched,
he wanted blood to viscerally spray so you see it and like one of the things that i love about the
80s movies like commando and stuff like that is the blood packs you know when in robocop when when
he's getting shot up and the blood is literally spraying off that is ridiculous that's the most
ridiculous scene in any just the whole top it it i am imagining it in my head that scene is so over the top and i
guarantee you if i put that movie in right now my imagination wouldn't begin to conjure the images i
was seeing at one point just light him up then they like they blow his arm off you know with
a shotgun point blank but that's what I'm looking for sometimes.
Not quite that over the top, but if someone gets shot, show me blood.
And not that 300 CGI blood I don't like.
Oh, yeah.
Here's a game.
So make one change, a small preferably change, to a film.
And how does that change its rating to make it worse or maybe better?
Like what the rings that make it are.
In like Jungle Book.
better like what the rings that make it are in like uh jungle like in jungle book if just like real cats all the cats were walking around like with their tails raised and you could see like a
cat asshole i think that would put it up into pg um i don't know there's you made it you got it
you got a good one there with lord of the rings because because all the blood is black and because
it's black blood it's not it's it's not worthy of the art but if you if you make that
red blood then it's just it's it's not much softer than braveheart with with mel gibson lopping legs
off and blood spraying everywhere lord of rings is a very violent movie i get that it's arbitrary
and i sort of understand what you're saying but i also feel like it's doing a job for me and it
does it pretty well i i just want to know if it's r or not pretty good i want to know like it's doing a job for me and it does it pretty well i just want to know
if it's r or not pretty good i want to know if it's r or higher or not you know if it's not r
i feel comfortable taking my kids do it if it is probably not a kid's movie like i think there's
been some pg-13 movies that were that were pretty fucking harsh those batman movies were very violent
those chris nolan batman movies um those were hard PG-13s. Just the
material with the Joker alone, you know, all of his
it was very adult stuff.
It is, but not, it doesn't hang with
Deadpool. Oh, it looks like I'm losing you.
I like the current system.
The internet hung up
there, but
as harsh as the Batmans were,
especially with, who's the dead Joker?
Heath Ledger.
That's who I'm looking for.
Thanks.
Heath Legend.
Especially with him.
Damn it.
Oh, what a missed opportunity.
No, I think I would have known.
I knew his name well enough.
I would have even got it myself eventually.
But you bastards.
Anyway.
eventually but anyway I G to PG PG to PG 13 and even art or whatever's above our X or triple X 17 I don't even know that you can stack rank them I feel like like
it's like a tree you know like it goes G PG PG 13 are and then it just spreads
out into branches.
You know, you want to head in this direction, we go triple X.
You want to head in this direction, there's X.
Well, no.
So the whole like multiple X's thing is silly now.
That doesn't apply at all.
So like an X rating is really just pornography.
That just applies to pornography.
But like NC-17 is above R. So no one under 17 is is allowed unlike with r where you can have a parental
guardian and everything and nc 17 is like some of those bullshit movies that get like cult
followings like those horror films i think like very they'll be extremely gory
yeah they'll be extremely gory um they'll be torture, violence, stuff like that with lots of gore.
Or it might be a lot of nudity.
I know I saw – I watched an NC-17 movie the other day.
And you see a hard dick.
You see the woman's pussy lips.
It's borderline. You certainly wouldn't take a kid to it because it's adult material.
And that's what it's meant to be. But I'm an adult. handle that i can see a dick what's the movie that goes backwards that's not at least one right what's the movie that goes backwards
it's not memento uh swordfish does it no that's not what i'm thinking no backwards
Does it? No, that's not what I'm thinking of. Did you say hackers?
No, backwards.
Oh.
Irreversible.
Irreversible is the one.
That.
I haven't seen that.
Oh my gosh.
Irreversible is hard to watch.
Like Kyle says, I'm an adult. Bring on the gore bring on the sex reality that's what i'm here for you watch irreversible that that movie will have an
impact on you there's a couple things oh go ahead there's a couple things in irreversible they're
bad obviously there's the long rape scene i'm talking it might be five minutes long it might be more it could easily be six or
seven minutes long um and after he rapes her he beats her terribly just a real serious beating
a real whooping a real whooping a hospital he hospitalizes her kind of neglecting her at bat
and it's monica bellucci who's in my opinion is like top 10 most beautiful women in the world
everyone she's perfect to me You left out the rape scene.
Foreign films where you get to see lots of nudity.
But then, you know.
You're not giving it credit.
You got to do something about that, right?
You're not giving it credit because it is a dry anal rape scene.
Like you can't just leave that out.
I didn't remember that actually.
I remember it was not good, but I didn't remember that part.
How did you know it was dry? You didn't really that actually I remember it was not good but I didn't remember that part how did you know it was dry
you really getting in there
he didn't have
was that a little bit of
forest exposition oh my goodness
before this rape if only there was some lube
here you know I left it at home they just included
that or
there was no lube in the thing
like you know it happens
in like an underground subway type thing so he just there was no lube in the thing. Like, you know, it happens in a,
in like an underground subway type thing.
So he just like beats her up,
scares her into not resisting anymore.
And he identifies her as sort of high class.
And that makes him extra mad at her.
And then that's why he decides to like anally rape her.
So her boyfriend and ex correctly have to band together to go get some revenge for this and uh if i remember correctly
they find the guy and they really put a whooping on him and they fucked him in the ass he worse
worse i would take 10 dicks in the ass before i let those those two guys go to work on me with
a fucking fire extinguisher. He starts
bashing his face with the fire extinguisher
and they show it. And every time he bashes
there's less face to bash.
And he bashes until there's no more face to
bash. It's almost like those gore
movies. Like the first time they hit him.
Like we watched, I don't know,
you were on that show where we did the
gauntlet, weren't you? Yeah, I remember that.
Like the hammer. There's a kill scene. Yeah, I remember that. Like the hammer.
There's a kill scene.
Yeah, the hammer.
That's the one.
Where, like, as it progresses, like, the first time you're like, okay, they stabbed him in the belly with a screwdriver.
He can recover from this.
And then as it's going along, you're almost like, put him out of his misery.
There's no turning around from this.
Yeah, it's like he's as good as dead.
Just at this point, just turn the hammer around and finish it. It'd be a mercy
killing at this point. Perfect.
And that's what the fire extinguisher
scene reminded me of.
Well, I'm down for a movie night anytime.
I like doing those too.
Just gotta figure out the scheduling and everything.
So yeah, that'd be fun.
So what else is going on? The Panama
papers have come out, and I feel like not
as much is being made of it as should be.
And partially due to the fact that it's 11 million documents that have to be rifled through.
But the interesting things, I guess the broad note, and correct me if I'm wrong here,
but basically the deal is there's this Panamanian company that creates shell corporations
that rich people, celebrities, FIFA officials, politicians, bad guys around the world use to hide their money
from things like the United States going and grabbing it, of course,
but also from tax.
It's about tax evasion and that sort of thing.
And also about moving money around illicitly.
Like, how do you pay a terrorist?
You know, you can't use PayPal,
but you could form some sort of shell corporation
and then just hand it over to him,
and he would take all the assets.
And they found a lot of big names as they dug through this that you might
have heard before guys like momar kadhafi guys like vladimir putin and most and most interestingly
to me anyway because something's actually come of it the president of iceland over there where
they've got the pirate party um ten percent of the electorate apparently came out to protest yesterday and he resigned.
The president resigned.
Dozens of people.
It was like 30,000.
Yeah, it was so many people that you were like,
oh shit, I could never count that many people.
It was a huge square full of people
and then roads were full of people as far as the eye could see.
It was a lot of people.
It wasn't quite as many as an Alabama Trump rally,
but it was a lot of people.
And I don't know what's going to come of this thing, but I think it's very interesting.
I like whenever these documents are leaked and we get to see what these assholes who
are actually pulling the strings around the world are doing.
And it's always nice to rub a little shit in their faces.
So I don't think anything will happen to Vladimir Putin because...
You said that was Iceland, right?
Iceland.
I actually heard that it was just a big group of riot,
just so excited over the new release of Heavy Bubbles.
It's funny, I'm re-watching,
I don't want to get off on a Game of Thrones tangent,
but I'm re-watching the previous season of Game of Thrones
to get ready for this new season that's coming up.
I want to make sure I'm 100% on the same page.
And I love that scene where you see the mountain,
and he's all blue and veiny through those eye holes.
And her maester is like, he has taken a vow of silence,
and all of her gracious enemies are killed.
And I'm like, well, she just made a few more enemies,
because right then she's covered in shit and fucking spit and naked and shit and her feet are all bloody.
And I just imagine her being like, good.
Right?
Yeah.
I hate that maester.
I don't remember what the Lannister maester is.
But just the way he has like a face and a demeanor almost like Piglet from Winnie the Pooh where it's like, oh, I just walking around kind of all shriveled up and just an unassuming old man just you know now let him eat but
then you talk to him and it's like oh you know I'm just fucking with dead
people and just leave that dwarf head here you know I'm sorry about this you i don't know what to say i think my internet shat out for a minute can you hear me now i do
hear you good yeah i can hear you now i think everything's shut out for everyone good um anyway
the dwarf head was the last thing i remembered yeah yeah i like him because to me he's he's the kind of uh he's like not held back by
any any bullshit like i feel like all the other maesters are like oh yes he's like a real scientist
all the other maesters are like yeah kind of like a nazi scientist i'm okay with that
yeah but the other maesters are like oh that's blood magic we don't work with that and it's like
well i'll work with dwarf heads i'll work blood takes if you can you know, oh, that's blood magic. We don't work with that. And it's like, well, I'll work with dwarf heads.
I'll work with blood magic, whatever it takes.
If you can, you know, fix this hand that's missing
or regrow that giant over there, any of that stuff works.
So I'm definitely looking forward to that.
But back to the Panama Papers,
I think we'll learn more as this thing is rifled through
as they go through the millions of documents,
2.6 terabytes of information.
I feel like most people in the world
don't know what a terabyte is, or
what a gigabyte, or a bit, or
any of that is, and they have a hard time understanding
the quantity of that information.
Just how much, if you printed
it out and sat it on your floor, it would look like.
So, I think
it's going to take a while for that to get right.
What would it look like?
I don't...
Skype has stopped working. What would it look like? I don't...
Skype has stopped working.
And I'm looking at my internet.
My internet is fine.
So what I thought was an internet problem actually isn't.
And I guess I'm going to sort out this Skype thing.
You know, we tested this before we started recording and made sure everything was okay.
So it's so frustrating.
It's harder to get this right than you would think it is. great okay so now
you guys are squares so I have to redo the formatting
again used to be 16 by 9 now you're 4 by 3 yeah this is one of the issues with
Skype that we have and there's no explanation for it sometimes for
widescreen sometimes we're not and it just depends on how Skype's feeling at
that moment mm-hmm really I don't care what shape we're in as long as we can hear each other
and that seems like a tall order already.
Yeah.
I
take it
personally. I feel personally
responsible for how shitty
this is. Yeah, I usually blame
you too.
Then it's unanimous.
It's not our fault though. It's bullshit because we run tests on this thing.
We do private calls all the time, and it'll work, and when it's go time, it just does weird shit.
It's not a good program, Skype.
It's just not.
Yeah.
We need to see what alternative means.
Like the Dwarfed guy.
Alternative means.
So besides the Panama Papers, I guess i want to talk about that i was gonna just
the panama papers so i i had some additional things to talk about like kyle said it is very
wealthy people around the world avoiding taxes mostly 95 of it is just dudes avoiding taxes and um they're the other five percent is like the sexy
stuff the terrorists you know getting payment and avoiding like you know u.s banks and stuff like
that there aren't that many americans on the list like i really yeah non-implicated so far uh okay
i can't name them i thought there was one but yeah world map in north america hadn't been turned red yet
okay so yeah i don't know i don't know who i'm thinking of but anyway uh pretty much america is
not having this problem and one of the reasons is because in america the tax system is already
rigged in favor of the rich right like when um you're smiling with that, I'm right on this. Like, you know, if you earn
money, if you earn a lot of money via just like earning it, like Kobe Bryant does or Oprah Winfrey
or whatever, then in terms of salary, you pay a high rate. It's like 39%, 39.6 or something. It's
almost 40% of your salary. If your investments earn it, then it's much less than that. It's like
20%. They pay half in taxes what you do if you earn it.
And because of that, they're not shoving their stuff into tax havens the same way that they are in other countries.
And, yeah, it's – I thought, huh, that's kind of interesting to me.
And it almost makes you wonder, like – I i i talked to taylor about this once before i feel
like i put him on the spot in a bad way but it was like hey you know would it be a good idea to
have a tax holiday where everyone could bring their money back into the into america you know
as it is today if you earn money in india then you pay indian taxes and it's there if you bring
it to the u.s you have to pay u.s taxes and that's not cool but don't you want it in the US so they can open plants and do things like that
so
it's like I want an India
I want to pay Indians to do my work
I don't want to build a plant in the United States
I do
what about our environment
I like the idea of fucking their
environment out
have you seen their environment
have you seen that river
that literal river the Ganges River their environment out. Oh, well, it depends. Have you seen their environment? Have you seen that river,
that literal river of... Is it the Ganges?
The Ganges River.
It's like,
it has some religious significance
to where some of the people
will bathe in it every day.
Not by some,
I don't mean a couple dozen.
I mean,
millions of thousands of people
are coming down every day
bathing together,
probably hundreds of thousands
because it's India and there's like four times
as many people there as here. I'm going to show you
something pretty interesting. I hope you haven't seen it before.
Have you seen the people shitting on the
Indian, like, I don't want to call it a beach,
because that's not a beach. Next to the water,
have you seen all the public shitting they do?
I would, uh, send it.
I'm just going to Google
Indian public shitting. I've been on 4chan,
where I've, like like read some of those
poo in the loo stories
Taylor can you lower your gain I typed it
but you didn't seem to see it
oh I'm sorry
you're blowing out
so look at that there's um
this is just a google image search of
Indian public shitting
but as you scroll down like it's a big thing there
they like it they do a lot of it
it's how they shit there. They like it. They do a lot of it.
It's how they shit.
And that river is full of shit and dead people and
dead animals, and they bathe
in it, and they wash their clothing in it,
and I can only imagine they get
some of it in their mouths. I'm hoping they're not actually
like, oh, I'm very thirsty. Let's go to Ganji's.
I hope they're not drinking that water.
I hope there's some better water than that.
The Indian people, most of of them of that over billion over 1 billion people are really gross dirty backward people who wouldn't fit into western
civilization because their thing is shitting on in public it's not just pooping too well whatever
i'm sure they're jerking one off blowing loads all over either they're
fucking anything they get like whatever culturally there are some things that are just true right
like chinese men tend to spit a lot more than like people yeah can you turn your game back up
taylor i think we like llamas like llamas and uh and indian people just don't use trash cans like
they don't have the same allegiance to throwing trash in a trash can that you would expect.
And dumping large amounts of trash on the street and stuff.
It's a real mess there.
Yeah, yeah.
There's big initiatives.
I remember there was some political candidate who had won.
And one of his big initiatives was toilets.
That's this guy's...
Over here, our politicians...
That's his platform.
Yeah, our politicians are always... I mean, say what you want about Trump, but
Trump's big idea...
Shits in the toilet.
I guarantee...
But his ideas are things like building a wall,
and he explains all the benefits that he thinks
would come from that wall, and things like...
He talks about healthcare. He talks about getting us
better deals overseas. What he doesn't
talk about is how we need more toilets. Because don't need more toilets we got plenty of them
over here what i think that this is innovative and look at this picture right here they're saving
water by using a simple economical pooker chief they just lay it on the ground you go on to it
and then i guess you just leave it there. I guess that's just now where that
poop is. I like their blurring out the turds.
Like, there's a tiny box over
his ass crack, and I suppose
a turd. This guy's just sitting there. He's
sitting on his own shit.
And think about this. We always hear about
how careful Woody is to make sure he's nice
and clean and fresh. How clean and fresh
are these guys getting after this?
I guarantee each of their asses are crusted with shit and ASFALT.
They don't use toilet paper. Look at- look at guy- the guy, the...
Count five from the left, he's looking the most towards the camera, he's grimacing,
almost just kinda looking down the line to make sure that his poop is kind of,
you know, am I on par, you know, not a lot of us are eating a ton, but let's make sure we're all getting kinda-
I've got to apologize, because he's just that is that bad. Oh, very sunny, very sunny.
Like it's just spraying and it's disgusting.
After they're done pooping, they will wipe it with their hands and then wash their hands.
And it's something that Indians don't talk about.
Wait, they're not – I know that they wipe their ass with their left hand, right?
I think so.
I thought that was an Arab thing, but maybe it's a global phenomenon.
I know it's an Indian thing.
This is a thing that I know.
How do you get it out of there?
Are you just kind of like a tractor just scooping?
See, my question was this.
I've never really drilled down to the specifics, right?
But there will be times when with paper, I will do three to five wipes.
Could be more, right?
You don't know.
And with my hand,
I feel like you've got one or two shots at wiping,
at which point...
And then you've got a shit hand,
and you're just making things worse back there.
You're just spreading it around.
Yeah.
Oh, it's disgusting.
That's why those gods and goddesses that they worship
have so many fucking hands.
They need them.
Oh, yeah.
They were... Kyle, we lost lost your video but that's great because it's how they keep their dream come true like like every man
every indian man's dream is a woman with eight hands so she could help him get his ass clean
it's really disgusting i don't care you know i i feel like some people might say that's racist
but it's just the fucking truth indian people as a whole this is a true thing about them
well you're not being racist i don't think uh you're just saying that the practice of
no the practice of pooping in public is something that most of the world has steered clear of
because it's just a bad idea yeah that's i want 100% privacy. I don't like shitting in stalls.
I don't like shitting in public.
I love being on my toilet that I'm familiar with.
You know what I do?
I open the seat, and I turn a little space heater on,
and it warms the seat for me.
I've thought about investing in one of those heated seat toilets,
but when I've got my heater right there, what's the point?
I know I'm shitting in 20 minutes.
I don't want to shit in some public toilet.
Would you show off, if you were in india perhaps show off like how much american food you could eat you just squat down right next to him and lay just a proud american
shit they wouldn't know how much food's in that american shit they wouldn't know what to do with
one of my big shits like like if i've spent the night before like really like killing taco bell and just having like four meals like some nights i'll eat four times
like between like nine nine p.m and the morning you know there'll be a bowl of raisin bran or two
there'll be an entire taco bell extravaganza there'll be some fruits a lot of apple juice i
like apple juice and so the next morning, I'm filling that toilet up.
I'm going to have to flush so that my balls don't get some shit on them.
It's going to be messy.
So no, I don't feel like the Indian...
I guess a beach could handle as much shit as you put on it.
Yeah, I imagine that the shitting is kind of like the keeping up with the Joneses there
to show how much food you have, where they'd see you and you're living in a house for a week
and like, oh, the American's going out to shit again.
You know, Ahmed, or whatever.
Like, come over here, look at this. Oh, look at this guy.
Oh, Mr. Shit-Four-Times-A-Day guy. I got so much food
over here, look at me. God, asshole.
He's fucking pooping in the street
willy-nilly. Speaking of Mr.
Shit-Four-Times-A-Day guy, did you watch
Wing's latest video?
I watched...
I've seen it twice.
That really bummed me out to see how he was getting treated.
I don't think...
That really sucks.
That's shitty.
I didn't feel like he was being treated poorly.
Not treated like, fuck you, Wings, but just like the environment that that is doesn't
seem like it would help cultivate positive thinking.
Yeah. Woody and i watched it today um careful analysis yeah we would stop and and discuss what we just saw every couple of minutes yeah try to analyze and break down and decipher
what gangster grandma was saying at times i think woody was leaning on my southern uh
sensibilities maybe to uh it didn't work as well as i hoped actually
yeah no i i know you know i've got redneck friends i've got uh some people might call me a redneck i
you know and i've got guys like jeremy around me who have southern speech impediments i guess you
could call them um but gangster grandma throws me for a loop every now and then when i'm listening
to her talk uh i didn't i didn't follow all of that. Really? Did you? It's not that hard to
understand, I don't think.
It might take you a second when she goes on those
country rambles where
five words come out, like, buh-buh-buh-buh-buh, and then
it slows down. Trying
to mete out the details of
her story and what specifically
she was upset about was difficult for me
because it seemed like she had brought this guy
in and then took
according to Wings taking his money
but according to her like this guy was just a nuisance
now and he's like in her building and
she doesn't want him there and she's leaving lights on
that are her lights and she's got a drop cord
hooked up and taking her
electricity and she pays for this and she pays for
that and then it sort of dissolved into
this talk about who owned what
and that seemed very foggy
you know and i certainly have no idea um and but it seemed like no one there did either wings had
his idea about who owned things and gangster grandma had hers and i'm sure wings mother has
uh maybe some ideas that differ from from from either of the first two uh it's a real interesting
situation over there and that's why i've always always said it would make a great reality show.
Gangster Grandma is just...
You'd need subtitles.
You'd need subtitles at times.
It's great, though.
I love that he started the thing off.
He's like, all right, let me start from the beginning.
So Gangster Grandma and Jim.
And I'm like, whoa, whoa, who the fuck is Jim?
All right, from the beginning?
Jim from the auto shop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa from the auto shop. He brought in new characters
into the cast without
telling us about them. You've got to introduce
where Jim came from.
I felt like I was starting
Game of Thrones season 4
episode 6 where he's like,
now Jim, and I'm like, well why even bother?
Do I have to
watch a backlog to get Jim's
biography
and then Jim was an engineer
and I was really curious
like the way
specifically what kind of engineer he was
the way that Wings mentioned his career
it sounded like
you know when Trump was worth
like negative 800 million or something
but you just knew this guy was a home run hitter that could fix that problem?
Wings almost described this guy as, you know, like a home run hitter of some sort.
This guy is an engineer.
This guy had a hell of a career behind him.
You know, he was a senator.
I made that up.
But, you know, and now he wrote a couple bad checks,
so we're going to help him get back on his feet so that he can be the super guy he has been his entire life.
Maybe it's not the same around the world.
But down here in the South, people who write bad checks are real scum.
Okay.
And let me just say, I'm not talking about bouncing a check.
Because Woody and I discussed this.
And he was like, yeah, I bounced a check one time.
It was the bank's fault.
And it was many years ago.
And I was like, yeah, I think I might have bounced a check one time it was the bank's fault it was many years ago and i was like yeah i was like yeah i think i might have bounced a check or two as well when i was especially when
i'm a teenager and you know balancing a checkbook no online banking it could be difficult bank
processing times vary sometimes you give them a check on maliciously yeah exactly what we're
talking about is malicious bad check writing which is fraud it's not tantamount to fraud it's it's
fraud it's just plain out fraud he's right he said he's writing a check that he knows isn't good he knows he doesn't have
x amount of money in the bank he just wants this thing from this person and he's defrauding them
and that made me think much much less of this guy um you know like and i know wings likes to
be the guy who to jump in and help somebody out and that's an admirable thing but he but this guy if that's
what he did that and i didn't really garner from the video whether or not this was like a oh shit
that rent check didn't go through or if it was like uh well i really wanted that f-150 and i
didn't have 45 000 i mean this is the same guy who pawned a television for for some food so i
could imagine this guy writing some bad oh television for for some food so i could imagine
this guy writing some bad oh yeah the television thing was so murky because every time it seems
like that it got back there it was like well this other motherfucker and it's like what road are we
veering down now like you go ask alice in them you go ask him i'll tell you and i'm like please
that was about whether or not they were dating that was that was the subject for that you know
she's like you you did you're you were dating. That was the subject for that. She's like,
you were dating Jim.
Jim was never my boyfriend. I never loved
him. You ask this guy. They want to
send wings on this investigative
reporting
sidetrack.
I never loved him. You ask Carlos, and it's like, oh, God,
another character.
What's Carlos do? Is he kind of an ancillary guy?
Pops him with a catchphrase once in a while I really appreciated that wings went outside and
filmed those tire tracks yes he got the sense that yeah gangster grandma is
exaggerating right now and she's being unfair about these tire tracks because
this is the tire tracks of someone who just drove through sand in a vehicle
because that's what happens when you drive through sand in a vehicle.
He wasn't spinning tires.
He wasn't hauling ass.
I don't know what to take from that video.
It was interesting.
I think you get a little look into what makes Wings tick as a person.
You get to see that he likes to be the one to help people out.
He identifies helping people out with, I think it makes him feel good.
I think it makes him feel good to help people.
But also, I think he thinks that that's something that, you know, a grown man should do.
A successful man.
Yeah, yeah.
And I'm glad that Wings has qualities like that, you know, despite, you know, his life up until now. Somehow
he got imbued with that quality. And I'm not sure why or how, but it's a good thing that came out of
his upbringing. But he needs to be more selective in the people that he helps, right? Like the guy
will literally like steal Wings' truck from him. And Wings is like, you know, we all make mistakes.
You know, like, oopsie daisy.
It's like, no, dude, you know, cut a guy out of your life if he fucks you over that hard.
Like you can't have people this toxic in your inner circle.
And, you know, the guy that writes bad checks, like Kyle talks about, like these guys are serial fraudsters, one after another serial.
And I'm never going to write a bad check in my life.
I know I'm not.
I'm not going to do that.
I'm not going to write another check.
What year do you think it is?
I write checks all the time.
Work with a contractor.
Yeah, I pay my water bill because the place you pay it is literally like 60 seconds away from my house.
So on my way to town, I'll drop by and just write them a check.
I write checks when I have stuff filmed.
I write checks to the crew.
There's a lot of people I write checks to still.
Okay.
Well, my day-to-day life, not writing checks for groceries like an asshole.
Oh, yeah.
26, 19, you know.
Oh, you said 19?
I thought you said 16.
Oh, I've got another in here like that old lady at
the fucking grocery aisle gets at that thing and i'm just like i get pissed off like like i have
one thing i won't tolerate is lollygagging on my time if it's my time and my time matters to me
and it's not necessarily always that i have something big to do it's just it's my fucking
time don't lollygag on my time don Don't bullshit on my time, especially if you're some
employee. I was at Rite Aid the other day. I was buying Kitty some drinks. Kitty had some dental
work done and she can't eat solid food for a little while. So she had these like meal and a
drink things that are awful that she has to eat. And so I drive to Rite Aid to get these things.
Meanwhile, I've got a major truck issue going on. This was before I fixed the wheel bearing and it just has started making its noise.
So I'm in Rite Aid thinking like, I got a major fucking issue out there. I'm already pissed.
And I get the drinks. I'm in line. One person in front of me, it's an old lady. And the lady
convinces her to get some sort of wellness card or some shit. And it takes her 15 minutes to sign up for this thing and get it.
And by the time it was over, I'm fuming with my two items.
And the worst part is there's another bitch working there
who just stood there and didn't do shit.
And so when I finally get up to the aisle, she's like,
do you have a wellness card?
And I was like, no.
She's like, would you like one?
I was like, no, I've wasted enough time here today.
And she was like, are you sure? I was like, I don't think you heard me. You've wasted enough time here today and she was like are you sure i was like i don't think you heard me you've wasted my time let's move this along and i just i
just stared at her like that and she's it's like no one had ever said anything to her without a
sing-song jokey fucking tune to it before like nobody nobody ever put her on the spot and told
her to do her fucking job and uh and i don't know maybe i should just ease up because it's rite aid and it's literally easter but no i'm not gonna ease up because i want to get the fuck out
of rite aid with this stupid drink so i can go spend the next you know where i'm learning at
end of the day though what happened is this girl who is working on easter had to sign up some idiot
for a store credit card and she tried to satiate you and she failed and you looked
at her like like she was sitting there like oh god i hope they sign up for the wellness card
i want to explain that you don't hit the x there you actually have to push the red button on the
thing facing them again like no of course not they don't want to do that i understand what you're
saying though i've i've done what Kyle did at GameStop.
I'd be like, all right, Bioshock 2, no up sales, please.
And they're like, okay, would you like to buy a power-up card?
Nope, no up sales.
Can I interest you in a used copy instead?
No, just this.
Let's check out.
And all of a sudden, like, I'm the dick.
It's like, no like we went into this
and i asked for it as a simple transaction honestly like i have gone i i hear what you're
saying like you feel like you're the dick i've done the exact same thing and i never feel like
a dick maybe it's because i don't know when i'm being a dick very well sometimes but like i don't
feel like they're giving me like i'm a dick vibe because
i'll just kind of be like here's my thing i don't preface it with like uh no upsells because that
already makes you seem a little bit aggressive where it's like i know your game you fuck i do
though like i go to the same store yeah but what you i do is just give it to them oh do you want
to sign up for the our bullshit card so you get 10 off no i'm good them. Oh, do you want to sign up for our bullshit card so you get 10% off?
No, I'm good, man.
I'm good.
Do you want to sign up?
No, no, no.
I'm fine.
That's all right.
And that's it.
And they're always like, oh, okay.
No.
Sometimes they got three or four things.
I don't like it either.
They know me at my GameStop.
They know me at my GameStop. They know my name and everything.
And they know I don't buy any of that shit.
He just knows.
He knows I don't want it.
So he doesn't bother me with it anymore.
But anytime they're trying to sell me some card. Give me to sign up for some bullshit
I'm this close to having a meltdown. I'm going to talk to my internet provider tomorrow, and I'm gonna have a meltdown
Oh, you got a fucking out now because kitty just found out that there's some competition now where it has 25 by like what?
Is it kitty 25 5?
Where it has 25 by, like, what is it, Kitty?
25.5?
Yeah, she can't hear me.
But the other internet provider, is it 25.5?
25.4.
25.4.
So, like, I think there's some competition. So I'm going to go there now.
Supposedly 22.
20 down, 2 up.
But you know how it's been.
It's been shitty as fuck.
So I'm going to go there tomorrow and have a real fucking meltdown.
You should tell them about the hour
and ten minutes you wasted in that Age of Mythology
game only to get booted.
I've already written down some of the things
I'm going to tell them. I want to make sure
that I dump all of the anger that I have
stored up for them on them.
The airing of grievances.
Can I give you a tip?
I've worked through bad internet before.
Oftentimes it's connection-based.
Like physically, the connections, they corrode over time,
and they need to come out and replace all the ends of the wires.
And if you tell them that your video games are being interrupted,
it's hard to find someone who understands the severity of that.
But if you tell them that you can't make an online call and that you work from home or
something like that, then they get it in a better way.
Yeah, I've explained this to them a few times.
I think they've got fucking temporary lines and run into my house anyway.
They're real cocksuckers.
So I'm going to blow up tomorrow.
I'm going to yell at the lady behind the counter.
And then hopefully I can get the guy out of the back office. I want to yell at him too. I'm going to tell him he's bad at his job. I'm going to blow up tomorrow. I'm going to yell at the lady behind the counter, and then hopefully I can get the guy out of the back office.
I'm going to yell at him, too.
I'm going to tell him he's bad at his job.
I'm going to make sure I get that in.
You're going to yell all the way to the top.
I would love that the guy in the back can hear me,
and at some point I'm going to let him know he's bad at his job.
I am.
If one of the people who installed the shit was the person,
I think, who removed the internet from our film.
Good.
I'm going to to let them know that
I'm going to also let them know that the people that they sent
here to do our internet were fucking
cursing and surly and didn't do
their job properly and they
And they weren't even white.
The last two guys that came were
fucking cocksuckers. I'm going to tell them. They're assholes.
I hate them. I hate them so much.
I'm going to give you guys their number at some point what did they wait really what did they do to
piss you off so much the actual people that showed up oh they were just sir like at one point kitty
overheard him being like they don't need two lines i don't know what we're doing out here like like
blah blah blah like um they they didn't want to they at first they they made my internet connection
my full name and i was like i don't want this thing broadcasting my full name out to anyone within 300 feet or whatever.
I want it to be called Dunder Mifflin.
Like, why not?
Like, that'll be mine.
And they were like, oh, well, that's a real problem.
And it's just like, yeah, it's your fucking problem.
That's your job.
Like, fucking do it.
And now I've got this issue where I've got three wireless connections coming out of one modem for some reason i've got kitty's line that's putting out one wireless connection
um sometimes they work sometimes they don't you take down one line sometimes the other one goes
down i'm completely confused about what my hardware is at this point and and i just want to i just
want to to make that lady cry i'm gonna tell her she smells if she if she kicks back at all because
she does i can smell her by the counter.
Now, does she smell because too much perfume or BO?
BO?
She's a dirty...
She's a big, fat woman.
A big, fat, dirty woman, you said?
She's a big, fat, unclean, unwashed woman that smells so bad, I can smell her by the
counter.
Right there in Georgia, huh?
Believe it or not.
counter right there in georgia huh believe it or not so she's just has she's just a smelly bitch who gives you a toad when you come in pissed about your internet and that's the only in attitude but
last time i was there i was in there for like 30 or well not the last time the time before that i
was in there for like 30 minutes because she she couldn't figure out why we were getting free
internet and i'm gonna tell him this time I'm pretty sure the reason I'm getting free
internet is because somebody at your company saw that you guys
were fucking me over and just decided
that I shouldn't be charged for this bullshit internet
that you're giving me I shouldn't have to pay for this
yeah you have some
wonderful albatross employee
the day they quit were like
fuck this let's see how
long before they catch this
because I remember some guy there was a major problem we had like maybe a year or two years ago
and the guy was like you guys shouldn't even be paying for this like you know that you're not
getting adequate service it's in and out you shouldn't have to pay for this and i think that
he clicked a button and made me not pay for it um so i whoever that was or whatever i i don't
fucking care but i'm gonna have i went there
today to do this by the way but their hours are like did you lose your nerve like gripping the
steering wheel in the parking lot like a steering wheel before you put it back and drive and leave
i get there and i get to the doorknob and it's they're closed they're closed today because it's
tuesday and they're not open on tuesdays they're open Wednesdays, Fridays, and Mondays or something.
The Lord's other day.
They take two hours from Monday to Thursday.
The Lord can have as many days as he needs.
I'm not going to harp on it anymore,
but I'm going to go see him tomorrow and get something worked out.
It's going to be great.
It's going to make me feel really good.
I'm going to be able to release all the stress I got built up.
It's going to be great.
Yep, you can just explode at him painkiller nearly joke
okay on a perfect date what question do you ask the girl twice
wait oh god i these always none of them pay off i love how much tay Taylor hates this. You always get the answer, and it makes sense,
but in your head you're like,
there's a thousand better things that that could be.
This one's good.
But you can't think of it.
I can't.
On a perfect date, what question do you ask the girl twice?
Um. ready
how was school today
I don't know
so can I come inside
alright that's a painkiller already
no it's not
we have 15 more minutes to go
man that really sucked the wind out of my
oh fuck you that's a good joke i liked it kyle so we've been tearing it up on age mythology
and last night i got a couple of people listeners ostensibly oh yeah yeah i i wanted to we wanted
to like extend an invitation to any listeners out there
who want to come play with us
because there's not a big
online presence for this game,
kind of like Civ,
and getting multiplayer matches
set up is kind of difficult.
And it's not as really difficult
as much as it'd be nice
to play with someone
who if we get disconnected,
they want to come back
and play with us.
So they'll make an effort
to like get back in the game
and get things rolling again.
So if you guys want to play with us, just add us on Steam.
Mine's OFPSKyleO.
I don't know if you want to put yours out there.
But it's a mythology.
It's like a $35 Steam game.
It's a real-time strategy.
If you've ever played Age of Empires or anything like that,
you'll pick it up rather quickly.
I hadn't, so it's been kind of a learning curve for me.
But I think I've got it down now, and Taylor and I have been playing a good bit.
Kyle, have you won yet?
I've come very close to winning many times.
I feel like, you know, I don't think I've outright beat Taylor in a 1v1, though, no.
Taylor, is that how you see it?
So here's why I ask.
I feel like, let's say that I'm in a foot race with someone considerably slower than me.
He loses by three feet.
He didn't necessarily, look, I went as fast as I needed to to win.
Taylor, would you say you almost lost or you had another gear?
Uh, no.
I mean, just the way it goes most of the time is, like, he'll hit me really hard and good with an attack and he'll do some real
damage there have been a couple times once yesterday where like i'm watching it like
frantically trying to move my workers and make them not die and he's coming in from the side
because he's been watching youtube tactics and i'll watch him doing stuff and i'm like oh damn
it yep he's doing a term of rush right here god fuck gotta move my workers and i'm losing gold
and he'll send in a really good attack like that and i'll just kind of reallocate all my economy into pumping out
a defensive force and instead of just kind of defending and building back up when i beat his
force i always just straight up attack and send my people straight into his base and then kind of
build up my economy but mainly just keep some bullshit troops just always running
into his base just fucking shit up and eventually it's like he's been totally hamstrung in his
economy and i'm like way more successful and if you look at the map you're like wow this guy's
like beating the shit out of him but you'd be like no not really just 10 minutes ago he almost lost
like that's just the nature of the game though you know yeah i feel like i do a good job of
spreading around like even the game right before this we were playing you almost beat me
and took me down but i had a second town center at the very north part of the map that i was
attacking from too what oh you had another one in the north i didn't know about that yeah yeah
i almost got you there at the beginning i had i feel like that game could have kept going on
that game wasn't over yet i still had a bunch of troops down.
I don't know if you noticed, but I built both of my military
buildings right next to your base down there.
Yep. Yes, you did. That was a good idea.
Most of the time, I feel like, it's like you said,
I go in and I fuck him up real good,
but he kills all my
troops and now I'm out of troops. And my issue
is that I'm not multitasking.
While I'm doing the battle, I need to be back
at the base building more troops so there's another
army ready to follow
this one up, and it needs to be a steady stream
of soldiers, and that's what I'm not doing.
I'm trying to get a knockout blow immediately,
but I can't do that against him because
he's too good at hiding his workers
and protecting his base.
Yeah, it's a lot of...
So I guess to answer, yeah,
Kyle's come very, very close to winning multiple times.
It's just in the end, in this game, you can find...
It's really easy to slink out of a bad situation,
and if your opponent isn't paying attention
and one worker just kind of sprints to another corner of the map,
if you know what you're doing, you can start a new civilization up there
and just hope that for the next 20 minutes, nobody stumbles upon you and kills you.
Yeah, it's really fun. Kyle's getting a lot better. Yeah. It's, it's, it's,
it's a lot to, to keep it. It's a lot to do, you know, keeping work because you've got to keep a workforce going that keeps the economy growing. But you know, it's not like you put one third of
your workers on food, one third on gold and one third on wood, you don't spread it out like that.
It's constantly in flux, yeah.
It's constantly in flux as what you need more of, which resource.
So you're constantly having to micromanage your economy.
And it's even rougher for me and Kyle.
The way we play, like, I don't know if you play RTS games, like all of them like this,
but I taught you the way I play, which is really aggressively.
And so all of our games, like if if you play online sometimes you won't fight someone for like 16 minutes until you're both in the last age
and it's a huge last battle but the way Kyle and I both play is just constant constant harassing
and attacks and just kind of like being a dick so like every like three minutes like at the start
of it like if I get an attack off at like four minutes or like five minutes and ten seconds
before he's gone classical and like if he started with bad hunt no food if I get an attack off at like 5 minutes and 10 seconds before he's gone classical,
and if he started with bad hunt, no food, and I get over there, it's always just like,
Oh, my worker! Oh, my worker! Just hating it.
Because when the game starts, you have no offensive or defensive capabilities virtually.
You've got no soldiers. You can't build soldiers. You have to progress to this next age.
And so it's all about getting to that second age
really fucking fast so that now you can build military.
If I fall a minute behind,
then that means he's had a minute of building military
that I haven't had,
and he just comes over and wrecks house
because I got nothing.
It's just a bunch of workers.
And then, like, there's multiple civs, if you will,
that you can play.
And the one that we both like
involves these very, very expensive workers
that do amazing work.
They do more work than any other worker.
They don't need to dump their food off at some granary or anything like that.
But they're very expensive workers.
So if you kill just one of them, it's like killing three of a normal worker.
So it's all about killing each other's workers in the very early game.
And it's a rush. It's a rush to build your base up as fast as possible and the very early game. And it's a rush.
It's a rush to build your base up as fast as possible and get into the war.
I like it a lot.
I think I would love it if I had some noobs to beat up on, though,
and not just constantly running into Taylor, who's been playing this game since he was 12.
When you say since I was 12, it makes it sound like I've, you know, been doing it.
No, stop.
like i've you know been doing that a lot like i when i was 12 i made uh an ashtray out of clay in art class you know ceramic for my grandparents who smoked i haven't been making ashtrays
he's been into pottery since he was 12 it's it's it's really incredible
not quite like that but the point yeah i'm i'm definitely still learning um but but i love it
a lot i think i could beat up on some nudes.
So if you guys want to...
All of your attacks, like when we first started playing,
you did the thing that everybody does where they're like,
oh man, like I really like this unit.
And so they just make like a hundred of one unit and just send them all in.
And then if you're playing a good opponent, you'll be like, oh, look at this.
You know, Kyle's sending in 500 swordsmen.
Let's just make
like six guys with bows and arrows and then because of the type difference like you just
beat the shit out of them yeah but now i'll send it like good unit constitutions making sense like
you're you're very clearly watching some instructional videos which i went on and
watched uh like an orinos four minute and 30 second rush. The only thing that I was not doing that he did was upgrade hunting dogs
immediately.
I've got a question for you,
Taylor.
So Kyle,
when you start playing three weeks ago,
something like that.
Sure.
The version of you from three weeks ago.
Does that guy beat Kyle right now?
The me from three weeks ago?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah. So you didn't have to get better to to stay ahead
oh no no like uh like i i know i knew there were build orders and stuff online but i always kind
of just tried to figure out my own thing but i looked it up and it's like oh that's a helpful
little tip but other than that like i was kind of if anything i was progressing into the next age
way too early like sometimes i was progressing at like three minutes and ten seconds or something crazy.
Why is too early bad?
Because I'm missing out on, like nobody's going to, it's not going to be significant.
Nobody can attack me between three minutes and ten seconds and like four minutes anyway.
That's just too quick.
So I may as well just wait an extra second, get one more worker out before I have to dedicate my town center to progressing to the next stage.
Because I can't do both. I can't create a worker and progress at the same time so it's better just to get that last worker out fuck it wait a little longer and then progress
but yeah it's um the thing about age of mythology is it's a game that's been out for so long
that the there there at one time was a vibrant professional scene for this game and
really competitive where guys
broke the game down and learned the best
of the best ways to do things and so we
have that kind of wealth of knowledge available to us on the internet
so we don't need to do or at least I don't need to do
hundreds and hundreds of hours of research I can just watch
that video that you just talked about
that Orinos 4 minute 30 second
rush video or any of the others
and pick up and kind of learn from people who
Spent hundreds of hours doing that stuff. I like it a lot. I like real-time strategy, and I didn't think I would I always
Like said because it was turn-based. I felt like that was more relaxed and it is like when we're playing
We're playing this game. There's no time for for silliness like I don't take any breaks
There's no like sipping a beverage usually i mean it's
like my my my fingers are on the hotkeys h uh g and v and h takes me to my to my uh town center
v is spawning um villagers and uh and g is building granaries and i'm just and i'm i've got you know
five or six hotkeys at the top for my uh my units and I'm just the whole game you can kind of hear me over here
I wish I could watch for free
I wish that
I want to spectate your games but I need
the game for that
I think that you should get it and
try playing a game with us maybe you'll like it
I could share a screen with you over Skype
Oh but that wouldn't be good
though. That would be so laggy
I play the game in full screen, so...
Maybe. I don't know. Like, I've tried to
code via Skype
screen sharing before, and I can't read
the words very well and stuff.
It's not that good. Well, yeah.
If anyone out there wants to play with us, though,
yeah, we're looking for people to play with.
It doesn't matter if you're new to the game. You can go buy it and
play with us. Yeah, no, it doesn't matter if you're new at all.
If anything, it'll be fun to really beat up on you,
and you'll get better way faster than you think.
And we also need enough people to do this Helm's Deep map.
Yes! Let me talk about that.
All right, so there is a Helm's Deep scenario that someone built.
It's legit.
It's legit, okay?
Like, they built Helm's Deep the way Helm's Deep's supposed to be built.
The defenders, you know,
the Rohirrim, are over there.
Rohan is over there with
hundreds of units, whatever.
And everything...
They've got a good situation built up.
And they've recoded a lot of the stuff.
A lot of the heroes are there, like Gimli
and Legolas and Aragorn.
They're all there with, like... Theyli and Legolas and Aragorn, they're all there with like, they've edited
their health and abilities and stuff like that.
But the way the bad guys come in is you've
got three enemy players who are controlling
the bad guy spawner.
And I won't get into how it works, but you're kind of
off-map, pushing units
through a portal that then rush
against the defenders, and it's kind of never
ending.
It's 40 minutes long, you have to last 40 minutes, and it's kind of never-ending. It's 40 minutes long.
You have to last 40 minutes,
and then Gandalf and the reinforcements arrive,
and if you don't destroy them in 40 minutes,
I guess you have to destroy them in 40 minutes
to win as the evil player.
Yeah, but it looks really fun.
It looks like it'll be great,
but we need seven total people to do this thing,
and there's just the two of us.
And so, yeah, I think that'd be a lot of fun fun too but mostly just just some pub stomping would be fun because i feel like
i'm running up against him every now and every single time and it's it's the same game over and
over which i really enjoy it's really uh hard it's uh and i'm learning every time but every now and
then i'd like to just beat up on somebody and burn the props well i think that that's going to
happen tonight because we right before we this, the guy you were playing with
just typed the best words in the chat.
I'm brand new at this.
It's like, oh, who are you?
Yeah.
There's a huge skill difference between
someone who's had the game from one hour
to five hours, from five hours to ten.
Every hour that you play this game...
All the way up to 13 years.
All the way up to 13 years.
Cliff's going to have a bad night tonight.
Yeah, Cliff's going to be really, really aggravated
sitting in front of his computer.
God, I don't know why I'm fucking playing with these guys.
Is his real name Cliff?
Oh, it's not just an attorney joke?
No, that was just the guy's handle.
Yeah, yeah.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Call it a show?
Sure.
Yeah.
Painkiller Nearly, episode 86.
You guys like hanging out with us?
Yep.