Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ David Earl S13E20

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest David EarlDavid Earl on Twitch - https://www.twitch.tv/davidearlChatabix Podcast - https://pod.link/1560965008Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom, I'm Ben. And I am Matthew, welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. Beef Brothers Cold Cuts! Beef Brothers Cold Cuts! Your beef is cold, beef brothers Cold Cuts! That's the new theme, June, and thank you very much to Tom for working on it. And thank you very much to all of you for sending in your cold beefs We've got some great beefs today if you would like to be involved cold cuts so cold that hot beef If you have like they've gone around the other way

If you'd like to be involved in the podcast then get in touch beef brothers podcast at gmail.com And also of course don't forget that we haven't used it in this episode, but the hotline is pinning off the hook. So don't forget, if you'd like to get in touch with the hotline, I will tell you the number in a second when I find it, but Tom's on borrowed time, so we'll drop the number in. This is the hotline. This is the hotline. Hotline is the hotline is. Oh god. Oh dear, it's not long for this world, but you know, next episode look forward to hearing some hotline staff there.

It's currently just a line. We should say we're not allowed to describe as a hotline anymore. And the number for the beef hotline is 02081233272. So do give that a call. 0208123372. And you only get two minutes to leave your message. So don't get caught out by that. And we'll see you on the next episode

with some more hotline fun. We've got a flat shear slam down coming up just around the corner. In fact, it is in one week's time. We've got the brilliant guests, Tom Davis and Esther Manito. It's going to be at the Phoenix and Cavingest Square. It's on the 27th of June. Get your tickets now. There's still a handful left, just a handful though. We'd love to see you there. The last one we did with Josh Jones and Sophie Ducca was a ton of fun. So we'd love to see you there. And all the details of where to get tickets can be found

at pappyaskomedy.com forward slash live. That's pappyaskomedy.com forward slash live. And we've got an absolutely superb guest today, the brilliant comedian and actor and writer and podcaster David Earl. What's your joy? When we first met David Earl, he was Brian Gittins on the comedy circuit, which was by far one of the most original

comedy acts that we were coming up with at the time. He was incredible as Brian Gittins. And now he's gone on to be, he's made an incredible feature film called Brian and Charles. And it was BAFTA nominated and it made an incredible feature film called Brian and Charles and it was BAFTA nominated and it's an incredible piece of work. I think it's on the way you'll be able to find on the internet. It's streaming and stuff like that now. But yeah, what a treat to him on board. And also, no, he also lives in Exeter and has a podcast about supporting Exeter City.

So he's also a local hero now. And you've done that podcast, haven't you Tom? Yeah. And start going to Exeter City Football Club as well. So, lovely. Yeah, hope to get on again. Yeah. Yeah. Keep texting him going on while I was there the other day,

actually. I think I'll have to get. I think it takes. It's the reason I move to Exeter. I've got to be able to put Tom podcast. He's also got a brilliant daily podcast we should do as with Joe Wilkinson called Chatterbix which is well worth listening if you get a chance. But of course not before

you've called the beef hotline on O2A1-3-3-2-7-2. And now please enjoy this episode with a fantastic David L. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem call a B, if you've got a B, maybe we can help you be from the zoning at your B. Oh, gosh. David L, thanks very much for coming to do in the show. Thank you for having me. It's a total pleasure.

So here's the opening question. What kind of make it sound, England? LAUGHTER It's So pleasure. Right, so. That's a little pleasure, mate. Yeah, yeah. Couldn't be more. Okay, actually.

Well, we'll try and say, I've done my take. I've done my one take on it, a total pleasure. Perry and Clarky, you've got two more bites of the cherry here, David. Parry and Clarky will try and say it's a total pleasure and see whether it keeps you, keeps your appetite wetted enough to stay on for the rest of the pod. Okay, here we go. You've got to really mean it, not be silly. It's a total pleasure.

Before you give in, yeah, he wants to hear all three I think I can tell Because it's not that's not fair on parry. He's just doing okay yet. I could go either way It could be good. It could be bad. It could be all on you know pleasantly surprised It could be is that all you got we don't know yet. Yeah, Harry. Let's hear Let's hear it it a total pleasure. Total pleasure. Okay. I think it's on wind, sorry man.

Yes. Oh. Lend it to it. I tell you what, it's rare. It's rare that the three of us got for an acting job and Perry wins it. It's very rare. It's very rare. The only time that happened is when it was wrestling.

But he really is. But he was from the wrestling ring. True pleasure to have you on the show. Thanks for having me. Thanks. I know. No, your turn. How is it feel to be a young show?

What on the show? Yeah. It's lovely. Yeah, it's lovely. Oh, that was that was that felt genuine actually. Yeah, that was how you do it. How are you doing? You mean it.

It's lovely. That's so awesome. It's lovely. Now I realize, if you've taught me a valuable lesson and unfortunately you're not going to read the benefit, but the next guest is going to feel so welcome. Yeah, yeah, fortnight is time the next guest is not going to feel as neglected as you did while I'm at you. Yeah, fine, great. Next bit of business.

What's on the agenda for today? Okay. You're basically the DJ from Wayne's World. That's what you're not supposed to be. I'm kind of a team Wayne's World. That's what you do. I've never seen Wayne's World. Oh, damn. Yeah, I've never seen the Simpsons. Really? Yeah. I'd say I reckon the Simpsons, probably if you watch the right series. I think it's right. I have seen the Simpsons. He's seen the Simpsons. He hasn't seen the Simpsons.

I haven't seen it. This is not a total pleasure. No, I know. I watched 20 minutes once and thought, this is super, but I never bothered down back. What, fair enough? Simpsons. Yeah. What do you think, out of all of the things? I really am not.

Yeah, Thomas really, Thomas really out of set because they're character's home was based on him. Has he lived his life in vain? But so you've watched, obviously, lots of other TV shows, right? What have you watched all of that you think? I've watched that and yet I haven't watched The Simpsons. There must be a show you think. Well, I've seen every episode of that, but I haven't watched The Simpsons.

Oh, God, and Bennett. I don't watch TV. I'm also to that, but I haven't watched The Simpsons. Oh, God, and Bennett. I don't watch TV, I really don't. I sort of hunt around forums and... I don't see forums, dude. You're on The Simpsons forums, aren't you? Very active. Very active on The Simpsons forums. I'm not ready on The Simpsons, but I'm on his hands around. It's guilty secret, is he?

Does it know you, he's always having to do a lot of googling when they go, oh, I think Marge is my favourite catcher. Yeah, I'm like, which one's that? Is it the little boy with a spiky hair? Let me go. Yeah, hold on. Yeah, the Marge, man. I'm so sure, should we feed you in

on what beef brothers call cutts is, buddy? Yeah. Basically, we get listeners to write in So should we feed you in on what the beef brothers call gutts is buddy? Yeah Basically We get listeners to write in with any problems that they have with their flatmates or living arrangements Yeah, and then we after solve it for them. Yeah You ready for that? Yeah, I'd be nice. I did the live version of this many years ago You did actually I think you're Josh Whitakim did one of the first ever flat share slam downs. Yeah, we've been on this game for 20 years. That's more like you've done.

I know, this is... You've... They say you play flat share slam down twice in your career. Yeah. A decade apart. It's the same thing, isn't it? It's the same, like, it really is. It's just over-sync.

It's more of the same. So, obviously, you are a... You're a married man. Yeah. What do you think if your partner had to describe you as a person to live with? How would they describe you? Up and down. Up and down.

Yeah, it took us to be there. Well, I'm not supposed to be. I'm just too lucky, aren't I? I am super lucky when I'm up. What's an up, David Earl, like? No, I'm all right. Well, what's an update, but no? Just cuddling up. We play games sometimes. I think I mentioned to Joe Wilkinson once he went,

oh yeah, I do that. We sort of pretend to get off with like the light switch or the door frame. What? You play it down. You play it down a little bit of business. Honestly, it's horrible watching someone do that. So that's what I'm up. That's that's that's

one I'm up. That's a good day. That's a good day. That's good fun. I was going to be caught you on a down really. For the sake of the part. So, so talk us through how this works, right? So, will you sort of set this up with your partner? Will you say, I'm about to do the game all the time? No, no, I just say, do you want to come to see? Do you want to come to see? And then I just go to the kitchen, like, law of fucking hell, good guys.

It's honestly, probably sounds rubbish on by the side. Is she in the kitchen with you, though? She's on the sofa. She'll do side. She in the kitchen with you though. She's on the sofa. She'll do it. She'll deny that she does it. She does it. Yeah. And it's the only way of knowing that you're in a good mood.

That's what she's waiting for to be like, oh, few. Yeah, it means I'm feeling sort of happy going lucky. That's a lot. Yeah. And if you come down the stairs and you're not humping the tee part, she thinks I'm in for a long time. Oh, dear. Yes, stay away. Yeah.

It's fair. It's fair enough. Well, fair comment. Yes, fair comment. I think that proves beyond reasonable doubt that you're ready to be solving other people's beef. Yeah, you know. A very balanced home life, a little bit of up,

a little bit of down. Well, you're quite funny home games, don't you? Funny home games too. Yeah. How does the down manifest if it's not too bleak? Getting off with plug, ockerts. Yeah. I don't know really, it's moaning, just, you're not most fuzzy.

Yeah. I'm looking around at all the appliances, they're going to don't fancy anything, things. It's a tremendous loss of libido for white goods. It's not that I'm up, but I feel sexually attractive. I'm just not sure if bloody good luck. Yeah, of course. Of course.

Of course. Of course. Yeah, one of you is awesome. But never take up man to a car. Sure is. Sure. Sure. Sure.

Sure. Should we do the first beef, Tom? Do you want to read the other one from Andy? I'd love to, yeah. Fossil Beef from Ande via Beef Brothers podcast at gmail.com. Getting touch. Getting touch, please. Hi, Pappies. I am literally standing in the sunshine on the beautiful, Jurassic coast with my wife and two sons. I went to the nearby shop to buy a fossil to plant on the beach for my five-year-old to find. Knowing he would be super excited. Unfortunately, the plant did not work out as planned. Instead of my enthusiastic naive, five-year-old finding it, my enthusiastic naive, thirty-five-year-old wife found it. She could not have been happier. I can't think

of a time when I've seen her face light up that much. Bearing in mind we have two kids together. The reason for my correspondence is this. She wants to take the fossil to the fossil centre nearby to show off. No doubt, they will identify that it didn't come from this beach and make her appear foolish. I'm trying to discourage her, but I'm seriously worried about what's going to happen. Surely I can't shit on her experience of finding her very first fossil. This will be all be over in a matter of an hour or two. But please, please tell me what I should have done.

Thanks, Andy. Wow, it's rare that we get a beef where he's like, it's too late for me, but for the people of the future Yeah, what should we do? Yeah, when you when you inevitably get in this exact same situation Yeah, yeah We realize is we need to set up an emergency hotline We need like a we need like a 999 real-time equivalent where we can we should be there for and they live

Because you know we've got a hotline Tom nine real-time equivalent where we can, we should be there for and they live. Because you know we've got a hotline, Tom. We do set up. We do. We do. The next episode is going to be the launch of the hotline. But I don't take the calls in real time. I just let them go to our sim machine when I'm doing my work

and they pop up my Skype. It's very odd getting a Skype call in the middle of the day. It feels like you're getting a call from the past. But we're not here to discuss the hotline that was set up and I'm very proud of. We're here to discuss Andy's problem. Now obviously David you said to someone who likes to play a little bit of a bit of fun at home. Do you think you're the sort of person that would plant fossils. Oh, would you just get off with it? If I just think of the opening scene of Jurassic Park. I was thinking, if I've done that,

I was just gonna say, no, I bought it. Right? Yeah. Yes. I think like, I will be emailing shows about it. Yeah. I know, I've got to just said, I've found this. I thought that.

How did you? Yeah. Oh, I see, isn't it? What it feels like is, if you hesitate, if you don't do that in the moment, you hesitate for just a minute and go, and you hesitate, if you don't do that in the moment, you hesitate for just a minute and go, and he has a tated, then he, then you're in it. This does remind me, but hesitation reminds me of when I had a friend of mine, he was, I was on the phone to him and he was offloading about his personal life. About his son, I can't go into details, but...

It meant a lot to him and he was having troubles with a teenage son. And I zoned out. And as I came back, it was like three seconds, but as I came back into the conversation, he said, what do you think he did? And I'll see, I'm heard in it. Oh, and I'm, I don't know. He said, well, you know him. What do you think he did? I said, Oh, don't know. Don't know. Don't tell me. He said, no, not tell you. What do you think you did? Oh, I see. Oh, no.

It went off my edges. Oh, no. And again, I think Andy's in this situation, because what I should have done there is gone, you can't say, I was sorry, I was owned out. I wasn't this out, I was owned out. Sorry, I was owned out. You can't say that.

Of course you can't say sorry, I was owned out. But you can't say, mate, I'm so sorry, the phone when we got a little crackle on the phone or something, you know, I don't always say, oh, I could have done that. I mean, have done that again that's you he's asking you a question you think what just about the back questions right now sorry what what did you do in the how much back and forth yeah how much that was like a fragment of how much I don't know I don't know well just tell me what do you think you did No, no, well just tell me, what do you think you did? Yeah.

No, you're saying, actually, isn't it? Yeah. Oh boy. So we've got ourselves in a situation here where Andy has said, is he hesitating? He's hesitating, basically we're talking about hesitation. And the problem is here, we can't say we don't hesitate in the future.

Yeah, because that's not what it is about. And also, by the sounds of it, her reaction was so big that must have, that probably it took him back. He was so taken aback that that would have created that pause. How is the wife not in on this scheme? I thought, I would have you not come up with a scheme like that and gone, this is what we're going to do. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that.

I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that.

I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that.

I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I thought that. I'm not. No, I'm not. I'm playing that out here, actually. I'm just been playing that out. Play that out. It's less fun. Yeah. The most add points you're getting is you're taking it to one side and going, look, I'm doing this thing. And she's gonna go, oh my God, I've got a good one here. And she'll be telling her friends, you such a good dad.

You know, all this is playing out for him. All he had to do was share then. Whereas if he waits for the kid to find it, the kid and the wife's excited, the wife's happy, the kid's found it and then you go, actually, that was me. That's not as good. Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. And I operate that kind of system at home. I can't do anything in the house without first an outskill, I'm about to do it, you know, even if it's the washing up, you know, just something crap like that, I do, I have to make a big guys, I'm off to do the, I'm off to tidy the kitchen, you know,

like, so I think I wouldn't be able to, I wouldn't be able to contain myself. And you're right. I have to do that, I have to do that for safety reasons because of my physical health. So, I'm about to attempt the stairs guys, just in case they hear me laying on the road singing round you have to be compressed to call the emergency services. I'll be back through, I'll get out of the shower in about 10 minutes so just be ready guys. I'm just off to get off with the toaster, okay? So yeah.

I still, it's not that big a dick. And what I shouldn't be thinking this way should I, should be. It's big to everything. You think, we don't want it, this way, should I? Should be. It's big to have a dick. However, you think we don't want it. You listen, we don't want to dick to the reason we've got you on is to think differently from the beginning. But listen, before your responses are going to be, don't email into the show about what happened.

That is going to harm a bit of a trouble. It's going to be honest then, and go, come on, it's a fossil from a shop. Come on. Let's move on. Well, no, you didn't do that. That's the problem, he didn't do that. No.

He's been trapped in a life. He's a good in a lie. And what is it? Is it a good trick to do regardless? Is my question. It's that gonna be one of those things that when you grow up as a child, you're gonna be like, because you'll believe that's a fossil that you found on the beach.

It's me, I'm a Jurassic Coast. On the Jurassic Coast, though, right? On the Jurassic Coast, it's a believable lie, right? It's really going to school. On the Jurassic Coast though. On the Jurassic Coast, it's a believable lie, right? It's really going into schools and eight year old and telling my class I was given a full size snooker table for Christmas. You did that. Yeah, because my dad had bought me a table top size

snooker table, but because I had six pockets on it, he told me it was full size. It's that, isn't it? Yeah, it's cool to have a full size snooker table, but you feel like a right knob when you're teaching like where did you put that and I'm like on the kitchen table. It's a full size kitchen table, I should say that. It's a fucking kitchen table. Yeah, the way you can pass the salt is by popping it across the table. Yeah, but again, you didn't have a full-size kitchen table.

He does have a fossil, right? Am I too late to say big breakfast? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a fish. What were we going to play that in? We'll play that in the back. We'll drop it into the interior, it won't make any sense. And...

So I can... I know, I'm still, he can, yeah. I know what Andy's got to do. Go on. He's got to continue further down. He's got to now hire an actor. And he's got to make up a new location for the fossil center. Like he's got a call up a mate and go stick a white coat on,

get to the garage. Dress is sticky at the bruh. Me and my family are gonna be here in 20 minutes and you've got to pretend to be the fossil center guy. Basically his whole life is from this point on is carrying on this lie. He's got a basically sort of true min show for the rest of his life, just around this fossil.

And his mate's gonna be like, oh my God, that's the best fossil we've ever found. You need to meet the minister for fossils or something. And then it's probably in the house. He's on Airbnb for Central London. He's got to put on some kind of reception. And it's all like, yeah, it's like, it's just got this is going to grow and grow. But I think it's the only, you've got to double down.

I think. Oh, I think, yeah the only, you've got to double down. I think. Oh, I think he is. Otherwise, yeah. Otherwise, let's look at the reality here. What he's facing is a key moment where his wife is never going to be able to trust him again. Or, or, because he's a good dad. I think he could, you could say, look, good dad, bad husband. I don't think he's a bad husband. I think, I think as they're walking up to the fossil thing, he's got to go like, oh listen, I've got to tell you, it was going to be, I was actually doing it for the kids, but you found it. You've just got to come to question. Why did you wait for us to walk up to the fossil center to tell me this under? Because you looked so excited.

You've got me all the way to the fossil center. You were really excited. You were half way in the fossil center before I could chat. You were just curious for the little one. You know, you're 50 minutes bus journey. You know, there's a bit of a story where he said that his wife wanted to take it to the fossil. That is really unattractive. Listen, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait So it was not and it wasn't a you talking about you want to get the fossil center

It's that's really unattractive Is your advice divorce your wife? We can't give this advice. I'm sorry. I'm just not I'm gonna have to intervene here So good cop bad cop. I've just got to play like, rational human being here. Yeah. I guess, that's a human being, David L. That's the two sides. I just can't imagine sort of put it around the hound to try and find the fossil center, just for...

That's fine. That's fine. You're on the Jurassic Coast, it's gonna be fairly close by, right? Yeah. You know, it's not like, it's the whole point. That's all right. Oh, what? What sort of activities are you taking your kids today if it's not stuff like the fossil center?

No, we don't, no, but he's taking his wife. That's true. Yeah, but he's always good at it. He's always good at it. No, it's their kids there as well. So it's still a family doubt. Right. The kids are enthusiastic about it.

I feel like it's all about her this and I find it funny, funny, quite annoying. I mean, he does, he does, he does say she wants to take the fossil to the fossil center nearby to show off. Oh, yeah, he does say that. Yeah, but if it's a good fossil, yeah, he's got, okay, he's got another time, he yeah, he's got okay, he's got another time He's got he's got he's got to drop the fossil, aren't they? Pat parrot like him if he's got to drop the fossil He's got to go. Oh my god. Yeah, let's go to the fossil center. A chew. Oh, oh god. I'm so sorry

I've dropped the fossil And now he's gone from being here. Oh dad to you know clut stand. Yeah and he's got to take the hit. But what you're hoping is that he it's he dropped it with such force that it smashes into dust as opposed to just has a bit of an impact on it. How hard is he dropping it? What's he gonna let you go up to beachy head and oh no I dropped it like I mean yeah you know I don't think this is who for no he could lose the fossil I put it just here by the bin it was by the bin bag in the bin and I put out and there was all those other pebbles there that I put out oh it's gone it. Yeah. He's got to cover himself.

I don't think there's a route back. Oh, there is genuinely going to be a moment where she's going to look at him like, I can never trust you again. It's gone. You think it's going to be a nice time. You keep going back to this. Yeah.

On the one who's looking at the email, she could not have been happier as all in capitals. My enthusiastic, not, yeah, that changes it. My enthusiastic naive, 35 year old wife found found it she could not have been happier capital letters I can't think of a time that I've seen her face light up that much. I don't buy that My mom not having that Do you think you think and he's never given?

I can see that and he's a fun guy Do you think, do you think Anne is never given, I can see that Anne is a funny guy. Are you having a question? You think this is AI or something? No. This guy was lit and he is literally standing. This is, he contacted the rafflesic rathic man. That is mad, it is a mad episode to think that he did stop an email as it was all unfolding. Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah.

This, yeah. We've got a fight, and he's got to get back in touch and tell us how it played out. Yeah, totally. Andy, I've got to ask you, please call the hotline mate. Yeah. Call the hotline. Call the hotline. And leave us a message. I can't cross my name. Remember the number as we speak, but if you're a little bit later on. Trust me, be honest. Did you write this email in order to mention the hotline?

I am, man. Just sweet Andy. In many ways, this email is a fossil and you're ande. And you feed it for us to find. Yeah, I get it now. Sorry guys. Can I give what's your solution? I would say. I would say just go, just go with it.

Go to the fossil center, see what they say. Oh yeah. Just go with it. Go to the fossil centre, see what they say. Oh yeah and when the fossil expert says this can't come off that beach, punch him in the mouth. You're like fucking, you question him in your life. You said you found that out of the air man. Yeah man. Cause you have a fossil expert, you fucking, you say that fucking again.

And then she's there and you walk out and she's like, oh my god, they're not here at. What a good dad. What a good husband and you fucking. What a good, a book, good violent man. Yeah, good strong violent man. It puts me in mind of a T-Rex. You know, he's got that sort of vibe to it. Let's try a different coast. This place is fucking dead anyway.

Yes. It's one of the younger coasts. The rest of the coast is fucking blows, man. Come on kids, let's go. And generally, then your wife's like, oh my god, this guy. Yeah, great. Is that the end of Greece? Oh, yeah, fly off.

And then the car has to fly off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. I don't mind that. That's a good advice. I would say Andy, probably steer yourself away, if it was down to me, away from the kind of, your wife is unattractive and pathetic and the bosser. Very much the opinions of our guests, not so much the opinions of the podcast as a whole, but you're your own man, Andy, and you can take even cherry pick whichever of the convincing advice that have resonated with you. All right, that's the joy of people that's called cut. So you don't need to necessarily go, well, David's word is gospel in this instance.

And we've recorded that response, and Matthew will be playing it as a disclaimer after every message. Yes. And I'll be playing Big Break First as well. Big Break First. Big Break First. Big Brothers, I can be!

Be soft! Here is theef bros. On time, this is the first time beefa here. Your health is required in dealing with my delinquent brother-in-law. Open brackets, let's call him Ozzled, close brackets. He won't pay for a thing, and it's driving the house fucking wild. I like the use of driving us fucking wild in the negative sense because normally you think this is driving us. I imagine it's, you know, like the latest dance class.

Not just a tight brother anymore. Now we don't actually live together but every house in my family is infected by tales of woe regarding Oswald's legendary tightness. Every single family member has been ripped off. He won't pay for his way for family presence. Small loans go unpaid. He magically never has money to split a restaurant bill. It goes on and on and on. The worst part is that he's loaded. The owns his own flat outright and's serious dough in the back. His tight-fisted nature seems to be just ingrained. The crucial point here is he can pay, but we all know he won't pay. We could perhaps put up with this, but now family friends

have started making jokes at Oswald's expense. Now, as a family, can we put a halt to this terrible behavior? Yours, Terris Thomas, names changed to protect the innocent. Okay. How are you? What you like with money? Did you chuck it around, it's like it's going out of fashion?

No, I hold. Hold off the purse strings. Beria on the beach, so your wife can find it. I'm trying to teach myself to be like Danny Baker. Yes, I love Danny Baker's attitude to money. Yeah, I think about it all the time, but I can't do it. What's really hard to do it? And Catherine Ryan. Yeah, but I mean, here's the thing about Catherine Ryan, certainly, she's making a lot of money. She's got money to chuck her out. She's got money.

She's making a ton of money. Yeah, we know what you're not bad at all, series two. I don't. Oh, sorry. Is it the same rule, Danny Baker and Catherine Ryan? Is it basically money spending? Yeah, it's being an emotional towards money. It's just like, yeah, spend it.

I'll just make some more. Yeah, that's the key bit is that, that second bit. I'm trying to be, I'm trying to be mystical with money the last, last year. Yeah. What have you, what have been your big spends that you're not thinking about, you know, just totally chill about?

What have you, post it, no people. He's got the face, it's on the back of the wall, of course. Um, they're receipts. Wanna do a weekend in a tree house? Weekend in a tree house. Yeah, we haven't paid for it yet. I'm just saying we're thinking about the weekend in a tree. Is this one of those like Safari to a tree house

is where there's like, we feel like you're in Hobbiton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you done that? No, but I, you know what, a friend of mine did it and said, you've got to do it. You've got to do it. I only do it for three nights

and I looked up how much it was for three nights. And I said, I've nine hundred quid or something. Oh, I'm going, I was looking at a different place, but it was more than that. It was more than that. It was a bigger tree. It's a big tree. It's a big tree.

Don't just say he's built a tree, I've been missed a tight the last senior because about 15 years ago I remember going to the co-op and going to pay for whatever it was kind of drink. No money went, I fucks all over, no, and then I'd use my card, no money, I'd no money in the world. Yeah. It's about 12 or 13 years ago and it really scared me so since then I've been Mr. Tide. I mean, yeah, it's not a bad, it's not a bad attitude to have. I mean, I'm just a Tide.

Yeah, I think you're Mr. Tide. Yeah, I think you missed a triast. I think there's a bit in between, isn't there, right? Surely. Surely. I think, you know, a bit of frugal in your personal life, but then when you go out with people, you can be a bit more magnanimous. Ernitana Savor fiber.

I like it. Nice. That's what you are. Ern bit more magnanimous. Earn a tennis saver fiber. I like it. Yeah, yeah. That's what you are. Earn a tennis saver fiber. Well, I love it. And then you get taxed, forquid, and you've got pounds. Spender pounds, all right, isn't it?

On a pop, kind of pop from the co-op. Yeah. Super little things say to a child though. They go, oh, I'll store that. I mean, yeah, how long till they're only ten as though. It's a long way away. Well, you say that, but my boys have just started losing teeth when they lost their first tooth.

I went, oh, stick a tender under it. Oh, my God. I'm really great. I love you. Yeah. I think even Danny Baker would bulk at that. Honestly, I'm really worried now because I don't want to be that sort of pet. I just thought, I'll put a tenor in there because I've got to get some Lego.

Now it's like, I've got another one coming out now. So you're going to be... Yeah, I'd be smashing my friend's teeth out at school. Exactly. I said I don't prat. Don't even at school. Shit. The teeth fairy is leaving tenors. Tenors.

Oh, four. He's done's doing well. Yeah, you've set, you've absolutely set yourself up. I've got my teeth in a mouth. Let's go with 20, right? I've got 20. 24. David, I hate to tell you this, there's 500.

That's quite a lot. Yeah. You're quite a lot. You're indeed, mate. I'm just goofing out how many teakers a child have. Okay, here we go. The average child has their full set of 20 primary teeth by the age of three years. You're 200 quids to pay on these teeth. How many, how many have you got? Two. Well, two little ones. That's 100 quid to pay on these two. How many? Two little ones. Two, that's 100 quid.

400 quid. And that's not that's the reflective phrase, isn't it? Yeah, that's 400. I mean, that's half a tree house that is. That's half a distance. It is. It's an ordinary tree house. So actually, you need to change your phrase to earn a tenor spend a tenor So they're gonna have a piggy bank Because I mean they're not gonna be spending it really don't they'll spend it a bit They won't be spending at the rate too much for spend They're gonna be richer than you You're gonna be back to yourself 12 years ago go Go to the carp to get a can of pop. You can't afford it.

You have to go back home and smash up and they're piggyback. Yeah, I know. I know. I just saw it in the moment. I was like, oh, I can get some leg over now. I'm like, oh, no. That's a terrible decision.

So here's a question. How much they believe that it, do they know it's you or do they believe in a tooth fairy can we know yeah could you get away blaming the tooth fairy. Oh you could in fact we've started saying you don't know what the tooth fairy is going to leave so don't say you're going to get a ten out. Five of this time I fucking tooth fairy man. Just keep any tell us about the living crisis on the news. Just say come and watch this guys. I think this pretty affects everyone including the

tooth fairy. Yeah. And then go to the tooth center and punch the tooth fairy in the maze. Fucking kids. And I'm like, oh, a great dad. Yeah. Would your kids are your kids the kind of kids that would be impressed by the two fairy leaving Presence that were equivalent to the worth of about two or three quid, but are quite Exciting, you know what's the noise that they're appreciative in anything. I could put a leaf under the pillow Like I you ten quid on that because you're still you're still good. I would take with To put a leaf like IOU Tengkweed on that because you're still you're still gonna own Tengkweed Just put a leaf man. We've solved it

Beef solved wait, was that me? Yeah Bed of leaves beef solved What we say about Oswald though because this doesn't it doesn't help me only forgot what Money and ease is he's a tight. Oh, yes., that's it, the tight brother-in-law. Yeah, I don't like that. No, I hate that. Particularly when the load did. Oh, that's horrible.

What horrible personalality trait. This is how it's people stay rich, isn't it? By basically being a little bit selfish about it and hanging on to that money. I remember working for a guy who's a multimillion, multi-millionaire and I was this guy, was this Godmother and he opened like 600 quid for the month or whatever. What was it?

And uh, anyway, it turned out he was waiting, he gave me some money and he waited for me to give him five of a change. No. Oh. Come on mate. He worked for our software and he'll go on. I hate it. So that was, he wasn't even like, oh, you can take it as a tip. No. Oh, come on mate. It won't pass off for any of God. I hate it.

I hate it. So that was, he wasn't even like, oh, you can take it as a tip. No, he said, come on, come on. It's fine. I thought, like you said, that's how this guy's got money. Yeah. Yeah. He's looking after every single, you know.

Yeah. He's not earning a tenor spend in a fiveor. No, he's not. When we first moved to London, me and Mark, I were buying a save fan. We looked, we found this one that was like, I don't know what it was, it was like 400 quid or something. And we thought, could we stretch to that? I don't know, we went round this guy's eyes.

I know, it was on for about 150 quid, sorry. We were at this guy's eyes and he had like, fucking two front rooms. We walked through both of his front rooms. It was this fucking huge house. And we got there and we were like, mate, would you accept 100 quid? And he was like, he haggled us all the way.

Like, haggled us, kept on haggling. Tell you we got to about 130 quid. I mean, I ended up giving 130 quid and he just went, that'll pay for the takeaway. Cheers boys, you look like, what's your watchin' out for? You can't, you know, bro, you know, we're broke. You got two front rooms. These are the people, these're the sky. What's your outfit that you can't? You know we're broke, you got two front rooms.

These are the people, these are the people. These are the people. I say, I let the family like continue with their jokes. Yeah, you've got to, in fact, you've got to make more of those jokes. You've got to make people make in the jokes. Rump it up.

Yeah. Shameump it up. Yeah. Shame him through humor. I mean, is there a way of robbing him? I mean, it's the way he's nicking his cash. You know, he must keep it somewhere, probably, you know, in a mattress or something like that, or, you know, a pillowcase in his cupboard, you've got to have a few gold bars knocking around.

I reckon you go in under cover of darkness, you tie him up, you threaten him a bit. You know, obviously you're wearing masks, but you just know who you are, you've got voice changes and all this kind of stuff. And you say, well, it's a bloody cash-oswald. Well, it's a bloody girl. And then, you know, just, and just fleece him.

Yeah. You know, and you've got a really, I think you've got a really scary him as well, so he doesn't go to the, to the rosters. I was gonna go a bit lighter than that, was three ghosts him. Okay, all right, fair enough. It still involves breaking into his eyes

and using masks. Oh yeah. But you're kind of, you screwed him. You were doing, you screwed Oh yeah. But you kind of, you screwed him. You were doing what? You screwed him. You screwed him. I was just curling him. Yeah.

You didn't throw away his. You didn't throw away his. You're his brother, you know about his growth, you know, you know about him growing up, you know, you know, you're not a brother in law. Well, brother in law here, brother in law, so it's not, but yeah, someone's got the skinny on him, right? Yeah. That's got the skinny on him, right? Yeah, exactly. The details.

It's a bit like a, this is your life, isn't it? The three goes settlement. So you kind of, this is your life in, but, you know, through the night. I don't know if that changed things, actually. That's how you live. Is this your life in the night? I think this is your life with quite a nice thing, wasn't it? It wasn't as a prize ambush where they then tortured something to control the worst

creature in the past. No, don't even remember, you used to come out with a big red book and then try them their grave. Like Jimmy and the Keith would do. This is your life and if you keep living your life the way you are, then you're going to die with me and that was going to come to your funeral. Yeah. Lots of attention, tidy Tim.

Why do you think someone's like that? I've got lots of money. I would you be like that. It's got to come, it's got to be something that's been sort of, I think all of our attitudes, especially to money, are the situation you grew up in. So he's either, he's either lived with someone who is incredibly skin-flinty and wouldn't spend any money. He's just like, well, that's the way to live. His parents or guardians were like that. Or they've been chucking money around and he's seen their fortune.

He's, you know, like maybe he's, maybe. Maybe he's the family they were hiding from the bay lifts, that kind of thing. Maybe they were down the car trying to scab all together enough coins to buy a counterpart, but he's thinking never again. I'm on his side now. Yeah. It's, you know, he maybe just had a really tough upbringing

that's needed this attitude to cash and he can't help it, it's not his for you. You know, and we don't know what he's doing, we don't know what his immediate family, maybe they're reaping the benefits, maybe he's going, well, look, why should I be giving Aunt Bessie a present? You know, my kids have a really nice Christmas.

Why do I have to be, you know, maybe he's been dragged a lot, maybe you're an awful family, a really nice Christmas. Why do I have to beat you know? Maybe he's been dragged a lot. Maybe you're an awful family, a terrorist Thomas. Maybe he's been dragged a lot. You're talking about Tomas. I'm not even talking about Tomas. I can't take it from him.

I can't take it from him. Little bit of balance here. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe terrorist Thomas here is, is somebody is, you know, that he goes along to the dinners yesterday and they're boring stories and all their terrible jokes and his expense.

He thinks actually, sorry, I've just sat here, while you take the piss out of me, for not, you know, for not paying for the Uber, you know, I'm gonna prove you're in. I'm not paying for the Uber, yeah, I'm gonna, yeah, if that's how you take it, then I'm gonna not gonna pay for the dinner either. I mean, who knows?

You know, just kind of, I'm just giving you a little bit of, you know, point counterpoint. I don't know. I love to get, I want to be great to everyone now. Just say the more you do it. Oh, a lot of it. Yeah, we great. That would give us podcast a bit more of teeth, wouldn't it?

Yeah, I mean. Well, actually we've got your brother in law here now. Yeah. What do you want to say to him? Terri's Thomas us give us give us us all's world's details and we'll get him on the hotline. Jerry Springer. That's Jerry Springer. It's not far off the way. Yeah. Yeah. You got Jerry Springer on your hands. We've got got we've got to spring of this. Since spring has sadly passed away, someone has got to

pick up the mantle. Yeah. Run with it. And it's got to be us. I imagine watching them on Zoom, having a little go at one line. Oh, I'd love to see a Zoom thing going between Teras Thomas and Oswald. On the Oswald's. Of course, it's running out after 40 minutes because Oswald's not paying for the, he's not paying for the, he's not paying for the, he's not paying for the, he's not paying for the, he's not paying for the, he's not paying for the, he's not paying for the, he's not paying for the... Yeah, he's not paying for the... He's not paying for the... No. You're getting an email from him who was saying, can you set up another one? There's a chance someone will listen to this and think,

Oh, fucking hell, is that me? Yeah, that's what, yeah. Like, someone's gonna be thinking, I'm not saying it will be the I'll be the I'll's wall, but there's gonna be someone listening who's a bit tight with their family and does those sort of things and suddenly thinks, have I been righted out here? Get in touch. If this has, if you've been affected by any of the issues you've heard today, get in touch. Briefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. Are you tight? We'd love to hear from you. Or call the hotline. If you're tight, tell us why. Why are you so tight?

How does it make you feel? Because it might make these people feel amazing. They might go home and go, well, that's it. I've got a free dinner there, but it might make people feel awful. I think, oh, I should have put my hand in my pocket, but I hesitated. Yeah, you know. And you have to be rich as well.

Oh, yeah. Are you rich and tight? Also, by the way, we'd love to hear from someone who's rich and wants to jack some money around. If I actually, fuck the original thing, are you rich and tight? Also, by the way, we'd love to hear from someone who's rich and wants to check some money around. If that actually, fuck the original thing, are you rich and tight? Are you rich? I want to throw a bit of money around. Patreon.com forward. Are you capturing Ryan? Do you remember us?

Should we be the money out? Wait, darling. Be solved. Be solved. Big break first. Be self. Be self. Big breakfast. Be from the sorting I can be! Problem with my neighbour, beef, from anonymous via beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com please do get in touch. Dear puppies, I hope you will consider my beef. Though I live alone, the intimacy of a Victorian

terrorist street is basically like having flatmates. You can't threaten with eviction. When they have parties, dump rubbish, I have extremely loud sex at 7 a.m. 7 a.m. Cheaper, square reapers. What a world. I have a problem.

That's the skull run. Is your boy here? That's getting crappin' tight. That's getting crappin' tight. So 7 a. I have a problem. That's the school run. There's your boy here. That's getting the energy. So 7 a.m. come on. I got taught you. Go on. What was that? That's what I was saying.

Well, Perry, you're never gonna get a good day. I'm very proud. You're never gonna guess. Go on. You're never gonna. You know, come on. You know. I'm doing something during the score run.

No. There's maybe six at 7am. More loudly, extremely loudly. But that's not even the beef. The beef's coming up Tom, so. We'll just fuck that up in. Tune in. Okay.

I mean, I have a problem, which is the antithesis of the beef that a listener sent in about an unattractive sunbathing neighbour. Well, my issue is that my frequently speed-owed neighbour is too attractive. It makes the over, yeah, it makes the over-the-guard and war conversations with his partner, who are becoming genuine friends with slightly awkward as I hastily overt my gaze and I fear my appreciation for his all-weather bronzing habits will not escape the notice of my partner when he moves in in a few months. I can't believe

Lin and Paul have betrayed me like this Number five, unbelievable. Unbelievable. You are looking beautiful. I'm a little bit more of a little bit. Is she saying she likes to look at her neighbour and her boyfriend's moving in with her? Yeah.

I hate that. I hate stuff like this. Oh, go on, go on, David. Why do you hate us? Why do you hate us? I hate knowing that not my wife, but all our wives are looking at other men? What? Why do you hate that?

Because you're looking at other men's bodies. Let's be honest, that's a really nice thing. You're not a saint, you're not a little choir boy, are you? With a male lover, look at the kettle, go and you're a flower, I don't know about that. It just makes me feel vulnerable. Yeah, I get that. I get that. What about fighting fire with fire?

Getting yourself out, David, with a little speedo on, getting this, you know, you've got a, you've got a body under that t-shirt. Yeah, thank you, Matthew. Get yourself out in the garden, put your speedo on and, you know, show. If you're, if you're, your partner, there's a lovely looking guy next door and he's walking around, she's looking, oh she's looking, you look at her, she's, oh, you're not going, oh, it's going on. Do you not, I mean, it doesn't say, it likes it. I don't like it.

I don't like it. I don't like it. He's thinking, maybe the neighbor can help out with the effects. Look at the subside down there. Beautiful. We went on a trip and the guy who ran the Airbnb, when he met us to show us his flat, I could tell my wife thought he was fit and it really took the edge off the holiday for me.

You're staying in this guy's flat. It ruined the tree house. You got the tree house. Watch him go down that road plan. Lumberjack, do you ever say to your wife, she's fit? No, no. no, should I? No, if you loved it, you would. Hostal honesty, David, that's what Tom is preaching here. Title honesty. No, we moved to this little cottage in Sussex, like few years ago,

We moved to this little cottage in Sussex like few years ago and our neighbors were Like the local farmer and his wife And they invited us around for dinner. We'd only been in like two weeks. They invited us around for dinner Not on the door and they are they aren't said they're going oh come in come in and I sort of look Lenin why, I know what's doing, but I lent him sort of kiss the farm as well. And we both were the same way and just, I'm a lips. You've got a problem. Right on the smacker. And this is your second-ever meeting. What, honestly. It just means the invite to second meet for on snog. And weirdly, I played cricket with a farmer like that Samoan,

so his novel balls. I saw everything, I did everything with them, for weeks. What happened during this cricket game? LAUGHTER Someone silly minoff means. LAUGHTER Yeah. The, um, did he mind you kissing his wife? Well, it was just, it was a moment when he was cockabulls angrily and go look.

I'm all going to be sensitive about my life. He's out. She's getting stuck at home mate. It's really weird like not knowing one another and yet he sees other than the lips. It's really weird, like not knowing one another and yet, she sees other on the lips. It's just weird little moment. What you've been to today is a very primitive form of sex party, aren't you really?

Yeah, that's a sex party. There's a sort of three or six party cottage just out the road. Is that? Yeah, I only lived down the road from it. What's the butt spot home? No, seriously. So I was coming back on the train from London to here and we were going part, it was just between X to the Totnes

and the guards stopped, sort of started chatting to me and showing me I can photos of Henning Vane, really weirdly. But he went just over that hill, is a swing at Scotsage, and really well known in the South Devon, so me and my wife did loads of research and we tried. You got to the door, you got to the building, you got to the building, you found it on the Sunday with the kid in the back. Dad! Could we please go to the Fossil Museum?

No kids! We're going to the FF house, alright? We're going to enjoy your £10. We'll be back to the car in half an hour. Oh, we did, we drove past the FF house. The children were in the boys, huh? We're going to Nob Cottage. You can give whatever you like.

Ah, yeah. two of them in the boys. We're going to nov cottage, you can give whatever you like. LAUGHTER Ah, yeah. Good to know, Thomas. Well, no, I can tell you I'll email you. Yeah, yeah. You're going to do what? LAUGHTER

We'll pop it in the show notes for the show notes. LAUGHTER Drop it in the show notes. I tell notes. Drop it in the show notes. I tell you what, it's very well we can get to do an actual properties for the Patreon, but if you subscribe to the Patreon, we'll do it in the bonus beat. I'm a police, I'm getting a lot of you stupid dressed on the knob. You're getting a cognit of the knob cottage in the patroness week's Patreon episode. So don't forget Patreon.com forward slash back to me for that share. What tier of view signed up

to on the pop cast Patreon? I do like times of months because they give me all these podcast addresses. Great pal, you send a show address and we'll tell you where the nearest knocking shop is. I joined a swingers website off the back of that. Did you? Yeah. Or if you're like you're kissing the farmer's wife. No, off the back of that village. After the back of this ex house.

Yeah. What, another little story. Back in the little anecdotes, did I? Yeah. A great. It's like David Earl Lafes. I put in Exeter, but Swinger's couples, just to see if I knew anyone. And someone.

No, no, no, no. It was, it was, say, Mayowet Scores. And Perry popped up. Someone I knew. Someone I knew. He popped up on the myoexcarts. Whoa, whoa. And blazing this out. Wasniac.

Yeah, go on, we'll bleep it out. Please bleep this out. Please. Can you bleep out all the words apart from Wasniac? Yeah. Well, there we go. Wow. I mean, you know, more power to him.

You know, why not? Yeah, you're receiving my e-lux fucking gross. Some people like fucking gross and we're from my watch. And we're like those people that's it. Every side is $250 quid a night. We did count much, was it? I was loads, honestly. Loads of money to having for the night.

He does up a tree house, doesn't he? So, you know, you're paid for the view. Well, you get to the tree trunk at least. You can look up. Do you think it's in your future, the swing in scene in the Southwest. No, I can't imagine, can't imagine making that decision and going, yeah, I'm all right with this.

No, and just, when I let it look at the bedrooms in the cottage, because the cottage is online, so you can never look at it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha with other. And then all the poster beds in the last night, now I don't want to be part of that, actually. You've done the virtual tour of the fuck out. You're the type of zooplank. I can send you the link, you have a little nose. It's alright, thanks.

So what's your advice, David, to our friend friend anonymous who's got this very attractive neighbor who they can't stop gawping at over the fence, speedos year round and they're worried about their partner moving in very soon. What's the advice? What do you say? Oh, honestly, you can joke about it. That's going to cause issues. I think you guys.

I can't talk about it, that's going to cause issues. I think he is. You can joke about it, but obviously, I'm not sure he's meant to. You can joke about it, but I'll save that for my other podcast. I have to do it every day, I'm a racket. No, you can joke, but that's going to be in all seriousness. That's going to cause issues. It's all right to do one or two little looks and then it'll be too much.

So I've... They doomed, they're actually shit was doomed. Maybe. I think, I think go, I think, right, go towards yourself now. Get all you're looking in. And I think that's generally- That doesn't work. No.

But I think attractive is not- Yeah, exactly. It's more- I think you get used to attractive people. If you've got like really attractive friends or whatever, after a while you kind of stop thinking of them like that. 12 years clocky, 12 years, don't point cast with them, see if it wears off. wears off and you just like, oh that's Tom, that's not, you know, it's a bit like when you have a

song stuck in your head and they say listen to the song and then it will get rid of it from being in your head. Do you think we can wank through this problem I think is what we're saying. Can you wank yourself out of the obsession? And I think you can talk about this lady. Yeah. This is your advice to say, just keep wanking about this person until you don't want to wank about them anymore I mean you've got what have you got a few months We're not talking about your wife You're very insecure I feel like your problems are the problems that need to be solved right now. The problems are not solved. That's the best thing. You've got quite a jolly life looking over the fence that a guy in some speed.

I think I am now. I'm looking forward to your part of this. You know, this is just, this is unraveled you. I don't mind like, I get it, you know, some lovely men out there worth having to look at, but I don't want them next door braiding it around. He knows what he's doing. He's getting ecologist year-round tan. Also, you're out in those UV rays. You're not going to stay

young forever. That's going to age you. A couple of years time, he's going to look like a handbag. You'd be fine. Yeah. You recommend that he put creams himself up like that? Yes, like that. Just like that. Just like that. Just like that. It's like, it's going to be helping. Maybe helping cream up. That is difficult to reach areas.

Do you want to talk about something David? Because I feel like you're... I feel like, you know, normally what we do after we've solved to Beast we sort of chat to you about a beef you've got with your partner but I feel like the beef really comes from within. I'm just I'm just trying to imagine being in that I move in and suddenly there's there's that in the garden like he looks yeah I know he looks terrific and I don't look particularly in another moment. And the worst thing is, we all have an image of who that person is in our heads. I totally.

The guy in the speedo is over the fence. We've all got a version of who that person is. He's made 50s in my head. Yeah, well I think he looks like Tom Selec. Yeah, no, there's pictures of Tom Selic. All the chest hair, gorgeous town. Little speedo. He's sort of giving away, he might be a little bit older,

it's not. Yeah, I've got silver fox in my head. That's why women look like older men. Lies, liars, liars. Tom Jones, when he's in the red phone box, a ton Jones in the phone box, that is a perfect, perfect reference. Yeah, that's my wife's dream man. That's my wife's dream man, that's my wife's dream man,

he's got a full head of hair. No, Harry Chess, gold charge. Gold charge, cards, cards, three things you'll just never have. Never, never. And a can of pop from the cup, stringing a can of pop from the cup. Even think twice about buying it. He's Tom Jones. Why, maybe they're both getting to him. Yeah.

Yeah. That's it. You can't beat him. I'm both in a feds and joy, don't you? Is this about you and the farmer again? Yeah. Yeah. Is this you and the farmer again? LAUGHTER

Oh, well, also, he's another genuine thing that might happen. Chat to him. And it might actually get... It feels like a very physical thing that's going on. Quite often, once you get to know someone, more often than not, that's what, that's the biggest turn off, isn't it, is finding that well. He pulls personality. Yeah, yeah. It's a very terrible breath or something.

Yeah. Or you, and he's going to be boring and stuff like that. And so if you get to know him, that might help. Yeah. Because otherwise, he's going gonna become this fantasy figure That's a good idea, but what if he's got a super personality? If he if he's got a super personality and you're that attracted to him I genuinely think you should engineer a situation where you try and have him and steal him and run off with him because he could be the one for you

Like if you're that attracted to him and his personality absolutely sings what you're messing around with you know go through This is not for indecent proposal we're all at redford. No, we're talking here. We can now we're talking This is what rich people are saving up for this is why they don't normally put the hands in the box That's what I was wards up to all of the odds world might be Maybe it's also wants maybe he's not only is he loaded? He's absolutely gorgeous. Where's a speeder like no one else? Oh well. I didn't think anyone was attracted to anyone in speedos. That was... I just think you're not seeing the right guy. I saw a bloke in roads... in Rhodes, Rhodes Island. Yeah, not sounding a ton of this is.

I don't know if this is a bit in the old Sea, a little bit sexy. That's a lot of sexy stuff. He was wearing bronze body. Honestly, I really don't think I'm, I think I'm remembering this correctly. He had speedos on. He had a willy. Right.

Is in his speedos? In his hand. No, he had a willy that went from the centre of his groin across his leg, across his hip, his leg, pain out the side of his pelvis. No, so it's sort of, I don't know what I'm remembering now, that has been the same. He must have been around, right? Surely.

And they have a ribbon tied around a bit of a stuck out. Well, we had a ribbon tied tied round his helmet on his video. That doesn't work, that doesn't even work, does it? Is it thing? I've told loads of people that, it doesn't work. How old were you? 17.

18? Holds up. What the rent was happy? When I was seven, me and my sister saw a lobster. 18 holds up When I was seven me my sister So long lobster crawl up at the garden in the middle we were in Wolverhampton we saw an lobster crawl like the soil in that garden And we know we saw it and we've we've told everyone in the But we saw a lobster crawl out of our come they come up through the soil and walk off.

Could it have been a lobster in his speedos? Could it actually have that, was it there was more time and a little bit? That's, that's a, that's a crazy little story. Tom's just got out. He did, yeah. And that was so convincing. One time, because we've heard he saw it.

He saw it every time. Every time he said, what's around us talking about how he fucking saw our lobster, which he never fucking saw, coming out the garden. I've done this list of charity. I've done this list of the day's extra city podcast, but it's the same from that knob story. Every episode. You know, a little bow on the end.

Yeah. Anyway, we got Barnes it the weekend. What are actually... Anyway, we got Barnes it the weekend. What are actually? I saw lobster come out the soil. Yeah, yeah. And we both did. And by yeah, yeah, we both did. He means no, no neither. What color was it? It was like a pink like a lobster. You see, there's your first problem. Lobsters are never there only pink when they're cooked. Well there you go, then it was a cooked lobster.

Is it even more unusual? It wasn't in the sea, was it? So it came up at the soil. He just jumps out of the door. When he ran in, so he just did a lobster. Your house did back onto a seafood restaurant, didn't it? God see, people. lobster? Your house did back onto a seafood restaurant, didn't it? God, see if it went. God, see you're seeing a halibut flopping along the lawn. Go for it. Very, very posh chippin. But anyway, I was thinking if you were

between, if you were below 10, it might have been that kind of situation, but 17, you're again, you're in the room. Yeah, I don't even know what you saw now. I'm never ever going to tell that story again. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER So, have we got any advice for our friend? Tom's advice is... Well, it's quite a strong advice, actually, Tom.

It's two. It's a two-pronged attack. If whanking about them doesn't help, then run away with them. Get it would know get to know them. Oh, yeah, when it's their personality, he's as good. If they're personal, these are good as good as what you see, then actually go for broke. You only live once, mate. Yeah, mine is just just be careful. Yeah. Tenderly, just be careful. Just think about Just think about who's at home, you know? Just think about the hearts you might be breaking.

Just be careful. Yeah, but you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, can you? It's a good point. This guy's a tasty omelette. Be soft. Be soft. Be soft.

Be breakfast. Be- Be- Be- Be- From the starting I can be solved. So David, we feel that we've sort of unpicked some scabs to be out the course of this episode, but was there a problem that you'd like us to solve that is currently troubling you in your living situation? It could be with the kids, it could be with your partner, it could be with your neighbors.

I mean, you've talked about all of them so that we know there's issues there, but what's the one you like us to solve? Hmm, one of the I had meadly went to is watching my children grow up and realizing that death's just around the corner. Right, yeah, it's a biggie isn't it? It's a biggie.

So you got 12 minutes. Let's solve this one out. Let's sort this problem out. Is that the kind of dad you are? Because I know some other dads who are like that. I don't think I am that kind of dad. My wife is definitely that kind of person, where she's very aware of the passing of time

and the separation, you know, from the incredible intimacy of motherhood and early motherhood through to eventually, you know, them disappearing out of your life. My wife's aware of the passing of time when she's uglyging other men. That's what I was like. Yeah, was that 20 minutes?

I've just been staring at that guy over there, he's saying it. Yeah. Am I right? Yeah. Well, that's true. Parry, what are you like? Are you that kind of person? Never used to be.

I'm no. Oh, you. Yeah. Never used to be. No, it paralyzes me in the evenings. Because it does really. Yes. It was like you were speaking from inside me when you said.

Yeah. Yeah. Never used to give a figure about it. Because they never warn you that that's their last cuddle. They won't warn you. No, just one day ago. No, it's... No.

What kind of age are we talking about for you now? Where are you? Where are the other kids? Well, my eldest is 21. But my... They're nearly 8 and nearly 6. Right. Well my eldest is 21 But my less nearly eight nearly six Right, so do you have you what was the last time you cuddle the 21 year old you must have given him a little I Cuddling yeah, you must give a little cuddle. Yeah, I'm on very touchy. Where are you touching?

Better like the never, son. Yeah, no, I like a good cuddle. Yeah. So what's this last cuddle that you're worried about? You took about the last cuddle you give before you die. Well, it's that, but it's the last cuddle they give. Oh, I see. So you may be cuddling your son. The last time they sit on your shoulders, or you have to pick them up and take them to

the bed. I tell you what, as a small weak man, I can't wait for them to not sit on my back. On the moment, it's like 26 degrees in the evening during the nursery run. And if Cleo comes out and goes, kind of go, kind of walk home on your shoulders. I mean, come on. No way. Dying over here. I'm still going to come home and make dinner.

I've not got the energy for that. You'll miss like, I'm worried. I'm going to come back. I'm going to come back. Every time it doesn't happen, I'm delighted. So I can't imagine a time in the future. I'm like, I wish it was happening now. But yeah, no, I do totally get what you mean. But don't you love the fact that now you've got a 21-year-old who can be like a friend

and mate to you. That's, you know, you've just got to accentuate the positives of every phase of life. No, you do, you've just got to accentuate the positives of every phase of life. No, you do, you have got to and I really liked this stage. I've, uh, teenage stage was horrendous. Sure. Yeah. Uh, but I really liked this stage now and, um, sort of wondering what my role is in the 2021. I quite know what I should be doing. Cash. Cash? Yeah. What's deep? Are you Bank of Dax? Is that? Yeah. How are you teeth? Got on the wisdom teeth out. Yeah, I'll go to a pretty penny about how old are your children? One is going to be four next month and the other one is nearly two. They're proper little kids.

Yeah. My third in September and the other night we said, well, you're going to sleep on your own tonight because you're getting bigger now. So, Mum is going to put you to bed and then you're gonna sleep on your own, she's getting bigger. And after about 40 minutes, she just looked at us both and said, I don't want to get bigger.

I just started to cry and was like, I just wanna stay like this. I'm with me and Jane, we're just like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm so grateful. Oh, fuck, can I get it out? I just say now, I said the same thing when I was free For what you wish for the winch I've never regretted it for this statement more

Oh my God Oh heavens Barbs absolutely cut me to the quick And I tell you what they think I'm fantastic at the moment. Oh, there you go. Everything I do, they think it's brilliant. They look at you like your wife looks at the neighbours. Yeah, and it is. They do, so they want to gladmere genuinely,

they want to kiss my bum in the mornings. Oh, we're not bummed. So, you're kissing the door mornings. All of that bum. Duh. So you're kissing the door, right in there, kissing your bum? Your wife's kissing the neighbor. No one can work out how the family's always ill. Yeah. That's it really, just's just a passing time guys.

You know what, unfortunately, I mean, you know, the beef bruns are pretty good, but there's some beef we can never solve. The past could tie him and the spectre of death, I mean, it's beyond us. So this is the first time we have to say, sorry, it's not beef solved. Yeah, it's hard. I don't even feel what I'm saying. Wonderful little moment though. we have to say sorry it's not beef solved. Yeah, it's hard to tell. It feels wonderful little moment. We're going to have to stick in, we have to stick in a big breakfast.

Big breakfast. Just from the round. David, thank you so much for coming on the show. Oh thanks for having me. It's been an absolute pleasure. Where can people see what you're up to? Obviously there's chatterbicks. Where have you got your podcasts, that's the podcast you do with the Daily Podcast, you do with Joe Wilkinson. Where are you on Twitch? Where can people find you

on Twitch? David Lowe, it's really embarrassed. Why are you embarrassed? Yeah, David Lowe on Twitch. What do you up to on Twitch? I play a lot of sport. I've seen you play cricket on Twitch before now. Yeah, it's good fun. Frick it, football, golf, I'm your man. If you want to see little computer men play sport, you're looking at the right guy. Well, David, I wish you a world of success

with your Twitch channel. I'm sorry. Sorry to thank you right from it tonight. Thank you. Thank you guys, thanks every way. Yeah, thanks for seeing me. Thanks for doing this. It's been a total pleasure.

It's been, it truly has been. That's the only one pleasure. A real pleasure for all three of us. Thank you guys, same here. Thank you. Be here from the starting, I can be here. There you go, what a treat, David Earl, friend and all that. What a good guy. I really enjoy having him on the podcast. Really?

Be it in his company and with him staring into the void. Yes, of course, of course. It gots, you know, you know what? Hey, it's starting a sort of, actually did a new era of maturity for the beef brothers. We're talking about big topics. You know, we were literally discussing life and death. Yeah. I was about to say, we're brothers no longer, we're no men, but then I realised brothers are also...

It's family men, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Beef uncles. Beef uncles. Sort of, yeah, you're true. Be funcals? Be funcals. So, are you a beef? Yeah, so I'm going to be funcals here. Be funcals, we'll speak to the guys. Don't you? Yeah, you're funcals, I don't know.

Listen, guys, if you learn nothing from this episode, if you see a fellow be funcals, be funcals to them. Right, we've got to start on this now. Don't forget to join the Patreon Patreon.com forward to that Pappy's Flakshare for getting a bonus episode and very exciting bonus episode all about the Mars singer as Clarky Tees there. That was something to get on the Patreon. And of course, please do email us with your beef. Beef Brothers Podcast

at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. And most of all, we just have a wonderful life. Until it's over. Don't think about death. Don't think about death. He's episode was to do his plan of course. Stop thinking about death. Corsium, Corsium, Corsium, Team. Cheers everyone. Bye. Thank you.