Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Gráinne Maguire S13E03

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Gráinne MaguireGráinne Maguire - https://twitter.com/GrainneMaguireThe Way They Were Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-way-they-were/id1598595577Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A cast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boris, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. Hey Cast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcast everywhere.

Acast.com Greetings, ListerDee, I'm Tom. I'm Ben and I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's flat share beef brothers cold cuts. Whoa! What is exciting as well? They really are. We always try exciting. Yeah, we've got a fantastic guest, Grannu McGuire, absolutely brilliant, very funny stand-up, super brighter,

and also podcaster as well. So you should find out all about her triple, triple throughout the classic triple throughout. You can find out all about her podcast at the end triple threat, you can find out all about her podcast at the end of this episode, but it's very, very good. Right, what admin do we have to do? Oh yes, I know. We've got a few tickets left for the Harry Hill, Catherine Bohart,

Flash and Antiron, which is how I know. Can you believe it? I mean, technically I've slightly oversold it so But I just think you know there's a couple more quid to be made out of this So so yeah, so a few tickets should be should be available And that is on the 28th of February so next Tuesday At the Phoenix in London come on down. We'd love to see you there. It's gonna be a really fun night It's gonna be a lot of fun.

You can get your tickets from papyscomedy.com for slash live. And if you're a Patreon member, patreon.com for slash papys flat share, you can get discounted tickets for that show. So join the Patreon today. Right now. Join it right now, if that's stopped there,

no, you can do it while you're listening to the episode. There's no reason why you couldn't. Go to patreon.com for's stopped yet, no, you can do it. While you're listening to the episode, there's no reason why you couldn't. Go to patreon.com, force that sh-papy-fax here, join the Patreon and enjoy that. But should we crack them with the app? Yeah, let's crack them with the app. Enjoy this beef brothers cold cuts with the gron you require. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem,

because you've got a problem, call it a b, if you've got a beef, maybe we can help you be from the starting of your bees Greetings, listen to me, hello Hello Tom I was trying to clear smoke, K-CAP, my pipes Yeah, how's it working? It's not bad, I think we're there Yeah

You're rather than sort of trying to take on some liquid to flush the cake out. You're trying to sort of pump air upwards, just talk it out. Any residual crumbs just fly out of your mouth like buckshot coating your screen. That was very like Victorian circus collar. There was something of the carnival barker to Tom Perry, definitely.

Sometimes you need it, to get things going at the start of an episode, you need a rally and cry. It's good, it's got us all in the mood. Hello, Grignier, thanks for doing the podcast, by the way. I'm very happy to be here. We're delighted to have you here as well. So, before we get into other people's flat share-based problems, what kind of a person are you to live with? I'm an absolute nightmare. Genuinely, so bad.

And I, because I was thinking about this, it's better to just, he sort of lean into how bad you are to live with and hope it becomes sort of endearing than to know that it's not true. Because you got married last year, right? I did. Ugh.

And were you living to how uncool? It was half of these like congratulations. It's so matrantly, so heteronormative, I hate it. Yeah, you got married to a man. You know, the choice was out there, but you chose to get married to a man. Truly pathetic. So Hannah, that's got married to a man. You didn't do enough for him not to want to marry you. Yeah. How long were you living together before the big day? I know we don't like to victim blame, but he knew what he was doing himself in poor, because

we did live together, lived in sin for a good two and a half years. I know sin, it's up and coming, isn't it? Yeah. Did you save some of your terribleness for like post wedding there? Were you holding back a little bit? I mean, if I'm holding something back, considering... Okay, so this has been before we even moved in. Genuinely, this has before we even moved in. I went out for a night out with my friend, involved the Phoenix Club,

and then called to Ballums Afterwards, where I fell asleep in a bowl of rice. Yeah, yeah, perfect. We know exactly the kind of night you're talking about. Absolutely, yep. So the Phoenix, the of night you're talking about. Absolutely. Yep. So the phoenix, the phoenix, you're not leaving the phoenix till one or two in the morning then you're trying to get some late food and balance because I think it's open till three or four isn't it? Yeah, it's, so the evenings got out of control. I'm creating a real universe for this tale. You're painting a picture. And then a lot of this is quite blotchy, but I do remember getting into a taxi, ringing my then boyfriend, then suddenly being inspired, I know I will jump out of this taxi and just

getting to an Uber, right into his house, didn't have a key to his building, somehow got into the building, went right into his door, knocked on his door, and apparently the first thing I said when he opened up the door, it's by two, three in the morning, is this is never going to work because you're two boring. Oh no! Oh no! And then, as a little like little kiss, little little coat at the end, I then vomited on myself. Oh my god. I mean, gron, yeah, there's boring and then I then vomited on myself I mean groney, yeah, there's boring and then there's vomiting on yourself isn't there, you know should have kept that bowl of rice to soak it up

And that's when he thought she's a keeper He got down on one knee in the vomit and says will you make me the most boring man alive So yeah the next day when you're sort of, you know, you come to, you in the fog of a hangover, did you have to talk about it? Have you talked about it? Oh my God. It's through. Okay, it gets worse because I woke up. I woke up so my phone's gone.

Bye bye phone. You know, fingers crossed I'll see you again. I woke up and he has washed my clothes And they're hanging up and like a little rail by my bed So I've no memory of what well his bed. No memory of what's happened He's gone to work because it's a good human being With a real job with a real job and I know Don't have a phone he's washed my clothes or all so just a real I don't know whether he's been passive aggressive

or it was just like yeah it's his photo reckon yeah what a pretty good job you know I got and then they did not have my phone because I was dying, I was just like, oh my god, are we broken up? Does he hate me? What did I do? And I didn't have my phone so I had to log on to Facebook and send them like a message on instant messenger being like, can we meet up for a chat?

It was so bad. Oh my god. I mean, you know, feel free to say I don't want to tell you anymore of this story, anything. I literally want to hear every single day between that and the wedding. In real time is what I want to hear now. So I had to keep meeting on the park, like a little bench in Seoul and I was convinced he's going to dump me, I thought, I have gone too far.

I was like, I couldn't even blame him. Like I couldn't even have the like the victory of like poor me and our all men terrible. I'm like, I'm about to get them done. You know what? Fair juice to him. But he was just so nice. He was just like, oh, well, you know, you just, you know, it's a bit worried about you and all right so he had this pillow that his granny gave him so his granny lived in India she's older than like she's her she it's older than like the state of India right so this pillow survived partition in India then over to England she came she brought the pillow thenhle took us, that was a casualty

of my, my mummage, and then he had to throw it out. No! Was it a memory phone? Was that one? It knew too much. It knew too much. I've lived all of this and that's the worst I've ever seen. Yeah? I broke that pillow. I've lived to all of this and that's the worst you've ever fucking seen. Yeah, I broke that pillow. Oh no, so you had to throw away his Nana's pillow.

Yeah. Come on, let's face it, you're a grown man, don't have your Nana's pillow on your bed. But he had to throw away his Nana's pillow. Oh my God, this is unbelievable. But you know what, he clearly sees, you know, he loves your cheeky side. Listen, he works, he works some tech. Come on, let's not kid ourselves.

He works in tech. I can show you to make his life less dull, doesn't he? Let's be honest. He does, I'm working on a little bit of razzle. Yeah, a little razzle dazzle, you know. He's a razzle doll. You pick glitter on him. I don't know if I can see the projectile of obviously.

I mean, you know, I don't want to go too far behind the curtain, but literally 20 minutes before we started recording my daughter projectile of omitted onto me. And I wasn't thinking, oh, showbiz. I mean, to be fair, I was going to say I always like how that would really go, but it actually probably is a bit like how you know, it would really go. Sad. Anyway, let's get on to some other people's, other people's problems. We will talk more about, talk more about growing just later on.

In law beef from a non via beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com and you always know you're in for something spicy when a non gets in touch. Probably are our most loyal listener a non. It's so many different messages from a non. A storied life they live. Always the good stuff. Right so a non's in touch. Dear Pappy's producer Emma and best guest ever. Oh a non-sintouch. Dear Pappies, producer Emma, and best guest ever.

Oh, a non-you slide, dog. I have a one-year-old baby. We live across the country from my partner's mum. I don't like her. Also, she is not good with babies. I have very low empathy, but I know that she should have a strong relationship with her grandchild. I want them to spend time together, but do I need to be part of this? How do I convince her that I came from the two away on a trip with friends, or even my biggest

dream? Fly to the UK for a live flat share slam down when she visits. She gets upset if I leave for even just an afternoon. Thank you all, much love, cheers everyone, bye! And non, PS, my partner says he is on the same page but doesn't want to deal with the drama. This is huge. It's big. I start getting confused about whether you've slacking off or they were slacking off the mother-in-law or the baby. Oh, I think, I think it's the mother-in-law.

Yeah, I think it's the mother-in-law. I think, so we'll just go through this. Let's look at the details here. There's a child, a one-year-old child. We are assuming that it depends the country from my partner's mum and a non does not like the mum. A non is the mother and the mum is not good with babies. So what a non wants is for when the mom comes to visit that she can just leave and go and have some jolly time and leave the mom and I'm guessing the husband with the baby, right? Which I guess is fine because at first I was thinking if you know your mother-in-law is not good with babies,

why do you want to go to a different country when you've got a family? Sure you want to be, I mean I can understand if you want to go to a cafe around the corner and then they can call with as a problem. But the idea of putting it on a plane, that's kind of a big one. I know you're not great with babies, if there's any problems I'm sure you're working out. But yeah, I guess if the partner is there, then the partner you assume is good with babies, if there's any problems, I'm sure you're working out. But yeah, I guess if the partner is there, then the partner you assume is good with babies. Right. What my worry is, and I'm gonna pull a few threads

from this person's version of events, she's saying this person is really bad for kids, but she's married to the product of that person's parenting. So she can't be getting two snotties of ages. That is so true. Well, yeah. Can I defend an on by saying she said this woman's not good with babies. So she might have been really poor for the first 18 months and then really got good.

Yeah and I reckon you can be bad for the first 18 months, I reckon. Nothing's really going in. Yeah yeah yeah I agree we agree. You can just leave your child spewing whilst you're going record a pint that is it's totally fine. The, you know, also I think being good with your baby when you're in the baby time. True. And then 30 years later or 20 years later whatever being hauled out of retirement and you're thinking, do you know what, I'm not down with this. I've done all this. I can see that.

Yeah. It's a trickier. It's a very, very tricky one. I mean, should we take it bit by bit because I think we'll call getting on a plane to fly to a different country. We'll call that plan C. No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Because I was gonna say, let's take a bit more bit. Let's keep in mind, guys, we need them ticket sales. You're right, you're right. If someone is willing to buy you. We're going to go in the barrel of selling a ticket here. Let's just keep that in the back of our minds when we give our final advice. But she is saying she's bad with kids.

So yeah, it just feels like it's great to support live comedy and all that bush. It may be, it will be useful because you know, she wants a child with a career in the arts, maybe a traumatising early experience is going to give them that like that that whole that will never be filled, that that child needs to survive and to prosper in the combative industries. Pain is good for art, that's what they say, isn't it? So it is the only confusing bit in the message.

The final sentence of she gets upset if I leave for even just an afternoon. Is that the child or the mother-in-law? Oh good question. I took it to mean the mother-in-law. I think mother-in-law. Oh good question. I took it to mean the mother-in-law. I think mother-in-law. Right, that's okay. Because it's it's it's she's asking how do I convince the mother-in-law that it's okay to go and spend time with my friends rather than how I convince my baby. Okay, so I'm going to come out in the side

of a non here and say this. Okay, that grandmother needs to get better at being with the baby. Yeah. And as I think we've all agreed, the baby's going to be fine, right? Like how she's not, she's not that bad with babies surely. So, and you've got the backup of the partner, the partner backup of the partner. Yeah, but there's nothing like just, you've got to give the baby and be like, look, this is your, But there's nothing like, you've got to give the baby and be like, look, this is your, this is your granddaughter deal with it, deal with her because I've just seen the guests that Papi's a book for next month. Oh my word. They pull in some big names.

You know what, I think that's so true. You've got to say, you've got to, you've got to sit the grandmother down, okay? Now I know, I know you guys don't get along a non and you're at your mother-in-law. You don't necessarily see eye to eye, but I think, pack a big bowl of granon. We can, we can go on a granon, if you like. Still, still, still,

still persevering with the outcakes, I see. I thought, I thought I'd put your time to get through a quarter of an outcake. Then I thought I'd grind on and thought, I've got to spit some, I've got to spit some gran on crumbs all over this mic. I really have to. But yeah, so, so I think part of what is going to solidify and concrete your relationship together is by giving her some trust. It's by saying to her, look, I trust you.

I think this is important. I think it's important that you spend time with this child and it's important that you form a bond. I think it's important that you form a bond as well with your son because here's the thing when you have a new baby, the relationship with your own parents changes, because often the relationship with your own parents becomes like you're basically, they're a baby sister to your kids, you don't see them as much, you know, so if you could, if it could be the partner, the gran on, and the baby together, that's bonding for all of them, it's good for gran on and the kid, it's good for gran on and his

and her son, I think this is it. You've got what you've got to do is you've got to organize a chat where you tell them this, you lay it out for them. You've got to say, and don't never mention that you want to go off and you could start by nipping off and seeing friends in the pub. Then maybe the event you can work up to, by the way, won't be back tonight. Then you can say, by the way, I'm not going to be back for the next month. And you know, eventually slowly whack it out.

It's very big swing, isn't it? Like I dislike you so much, I'm getting on a plane to see a podcast recording to avoid spending time with you. Well, let's not forget, it's a very good podcast as well. It's a really good night. One day's a two tonight.

It's really good night. Monday's a Tuesday night. It's really good fun. Yeah, I think the other way to do it would be is there some kind of stage event that you could do initially where you don't turn this into something too drastic, but it's like, I can't, I have no idea. We're excited about this later. This state's the bed is going to be. So you say to the grandma, oh look after the kid, I've just got to pop to the shops and then you call and you go, I'm going to play. Someone's just nick my car, I'm chasing them down the go, I believe you. I'm on a plate. Someone's just nick my car.

I'm chasing them down the road. Call you back. And then like, you're going to go after a car. When you're faking it a bit. And then you're like, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you're like, you're not going to believe where they brought the car to. I ship you hard. I can't talk. You know, whatever it is. And you're obviously, you're just running the car too. A shipyard. I can't talk. You know, whatever it is. And you're obviously, you're just running the corner in the car family. I've been a great time with maybe a little,

maybe a, a, a foli artist. So it's you and a foli artist and you're like, oh no. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'll call you back. And then like, I told him, Why are you getting a Foley artist when you've got a car? Just use the actual car. Why are you getting a Foley artist create the sound of a boot opening when you can just open a boot of a car? Also, why did you shout?

They've found me and then whisper, I called you. Oh, my brain scrambled. I'm in the middle of an, you know, we're having it to do. But, you could do it all from a cafe with a Folly artist and then

have a nice time. Ideally one of your friends will be a folly artist because then you have to hang out with them. Have they said that can you take three re-demo? If they said, by the way, I've got a friend who's a folly artist, so if that's a detail of me. No, sadly, sadly, there was a lot of details in the email, it didn't quite catch, so yeah, yeah.

But then you give, they have a three hour, yeah yeah. But you know then you give but you know they have a three hour four hour type you know forced time together, you pop back, wow a bridge has been built, which the folio artist could recreate the sound of it. What's the one of those bricks being slammed together? It's just a thought. The hell of a thought. Do you have inlaw as gron yet? Because you've, you've, as a recently married person, you have inlaw. I mean, obviously we know you've, you've, you've really ruined the relationship with the grandmother. They do, I do, and they're so lovely. They're so, so kind. And I, they really like me, and it really annoys my husband how much they like me.

Oh, it's gone the other way. The all that you're the favoured child. Yeah. They like, she's so fun. Why do we have such a boring child? Now finally our family's exciting. Little bit of razzle dazzle. Just spewing up on everything. Does I know about the cushion? You're in love.

I don't think so. It's never come up and hopefully... It did come up all over the place. LAUGHTER I get I'm worried about that my mum is obsessed with mehull. My husband, she's obsessed with him. So we're kind of like diagonally each other's like he's basically I think like the sun that they wanted to have because he's like sensible and as a proper job

and you know just and to form us on things. A real charmer. That's never that's perfect. It makes me feel very happy for your arrangement because it means that you know like you compliment him and he compliments you or at least he cleans up after you and washes down the walls. He has his towel in the room, compliments you. There's no compliment to get told. I always say to him, you always wanted a fancy show girl and he always goes, I didn't, I never wanted a fancy showgirl.

A fancy showgirl, you can call you on your bullshit. That's all what you always wanted, right? No, okay, fair enough, fair enough. Bit late now, we just said I do. I hope you wrote that into your vows. Have we got a final rucketing for this? I think we have found it. I think, well, there's two options really.

There's either you sit down with your in law and you say, look, I think it's important that you build a tremendous bond of trust or you sit down with your friend who's a foli artist and pretend to be kidnapped. But I think we'll leave that in Anon's capable hands and of course Anon will know because we'll see you in... we'll see you on February 28th for the next live, live flat chest land town. Can't wait to see you there. Looking forward to it.

So much looking forward to it. Be solved. Be from the zoning I can be! Be yourself! A cast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boris, Canadian historian and host of curious Canadian history, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history.

This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday, wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Cast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. acast.com

A tale of three months, here we go. Okay, dear puppies and esteemed guests. So, they're a little, little bookcissor. I don't think you're going to say Charmer then. You don't know how small or big those butts are. I'm hoping you can solve or at least assign culpability in an ongoing sound-based beef. So already I'm getting matlock vibes from him because he's been using very sort of like legalese language part-ward. Yeah, culpability. During the glorious lockdown summer of 2020,

I moved into a flash, just me, no housemates. Very pleasant and quiet building. Spring-killing. Can I just say it's hot? I don't know what there was supposed to be a rub I hate this person so much already. What? What?

What? What? I hate it. What is it about this person? Just, what? Is it, is it, is it, is it, you find them a bit boring? Because they find they're under in presence. Why don't you spure up on the message and see what you feel? They're just, I'm really thinking they think, God, I could really write for the guardian.

I don't do a full time if I wanted to, I could. Right, okay, okay. Are you getting that vibes? This is actually, this is true at is your heritage. Very personal, quite building spring cling of young younger professionals. Lovely turn of phrase, Matt. Don't let Gronier do you down here. I think this is jealousy. Growning feels threatened by his turn of phrase. Yeah, yeah. Grown in Phil's Thresson by his turn of phrase. He he he.

Sweet couples, the occasional divorcee, uh oh, but a spice and a some maturing of deluded piece of pantypes. Myself included. Nothing wrong with being a big panty. Nothing wrong with it mate. So far avoiding the grown up inevitability of cohabitation and kids. Okay, okay Stephen Fry. For six months. For six months it was an

idyllic existence. Me in the middle of a block of three quiet couple below and a chap Who I'm sorry I'm I'm You're gonna you're gonna have to get through a full sentence without stopping and Creaturizing it cuz I can't understand what the fuck is going on in this story Because every time you get to a word you winz you You winz on like all the word I did. I did lick you and I did lick. I can see you went cross-eyed. I just, I tell you what, I tell you what,

we'll do a full essay on it afterwards. Just plow through. Because I literally can't work out what the fuck's going on this email. And I've already been here. I've been on a podcast of, I've grown your reads the classics. I've grown your reads the classics, but she thinks like Dickens is a knob and stuff like that.

Oh, it was the best time. I'm sorry, how can it also be the worst of times? It's something, it's something, it's something that I'm suddenly thinking about. It's the worst of times. We rejoined the tale. We rejoined the tale. I, uh, and a chap, I already knew on the top floor above, he's also called Mash and is polite, pleasant and as silent as a grave, save the occasional vacuuming session.

Okay, so just to get this straight, he's in the middle, mats on the top, coupled below him. Right, got it. Quiet, perfect, living as best life. Lovely life. Uh-oh. Okay, think of it, it's the, you know, the hero's journey, something is about to occur. Then in the new year, the parallel left and another chap moved in

by the looks of them ready made for the environment. Fortyish, specs, studenty, slogan t-shirts. So this is you, Mash, I presume. It does sound a bit like me. I was ready to ignore him as one of our own. But then the nightly base began, whether it was sound bar, stereo system or subwoofer, I had no idea. I couldn't hear music or lyrics, merely feel the rumbling throb that moved my furniture and drank day, whatever HBO offering I was hoping to binge.

Listen, I can't tell whether it's… I can't tell whether it's where Groni was reading or whether it's the message, but I if it's where Groni is reading, or whether it's the message, but I'm going off Matt now as well. Oh no! No, I'm only kidding, I'm only kidding, I'm only kidding. It's definitely Groni's reading. I'll kind of grow. David Cedera's continuous.

After a few nights I finally knocked on to complain but got no answer and left a passive pass-ag, noosh on the door signed, mad from upstairs. A few days later after no change I descended again to repeat my moan in person and this time met the fellow. He was slightly apologetic but asserted correctly that the building is quite flimsy and everyone can hear pretty much everything above and below them. He also said that he'd received a note from Matt from upstairs which had prompted him to considerately cancel an Amazon order for a pair of five foot-based bins which he's looking forward to adding to his touch as an amateur DJ. He's like Christopher Walken in the cowbell scene.

I just need more bass. And the entire flat is reverberating. Like some young Avengers was car. And I'm 94, I've already bought the bass pins as well. Don't worry I've kept them to the base pins. I love it. Realising that he'd mistaken my previously written winch for one from top floor mash, I hadn't induced myself by name, I made my excuses, reasoning that the non-arrival of bass bins was something to cling to. Absolutely.

Part two were binge reading the scene up. And having moved some stuff around and switched my telly into a different room, the bass had been rendered more bearable, but still significant. By the time I started seeing my current girlfriend a few months ago. This wonderful lady has many great qualities, but one of her most apparent has only one fan. Myself, she is very vocal in the appreciation during the nocturnal gymnastics. I see. Okay. All right. Please be assured, this is no humble brag, as a man with few miles on the clock.

I know I don't rock worlds as a mash of course, but I'll take such praise, wherever and whenever it's shited. The problem is that while her enthusiastic exhortations do wonders for my almost middle-aged ego, they have an exactly inverse effect on my previous position at top, the moral high-gride, when it came to flat noise beef. Please, help puppies and company. Have I now no leg to stand on if I want to tackle the turntableist in future? Might I have also lost the silent support of Upstairs Mash thanks to my undeserved sex champ status. Yours in anticipation mash. The downstairs DJ is also called Mash so that

is three of us in a stack. What are the odds? Okay, well, I think that was a long walk to the end of the pier. At the end of the pier is a picture of him shagging. You look through those two little view finders and what the butler saw is Matt having a shag. I feel like what you really want is congratulations here, Matt. You know what they say, that could have been an email. Well, I wish it hadn't been. That was what I... That was an email.

No, I listen, it was a very enjoyable journey to get there. But are we correct in thinking then that this is what Matt's problem is, is that he is shagging now so loudly that a man who has bought electronic equipment, he's actually louder than that. Yeah. He's like his man who's bought like the man who's basically got a full David get a set up is now unable to compete with the noise that he is making another human being make whilst he's indulging some rumpy pumpy.

Is that what he's going for? I just... Yeah. Sorry, I mean, I wouldn't be sure if the neighbor could actually hear that though, because it's like bass is what he couldn't even tell if it was music. You know, just hear the bass. So less, she was covered in It's got a deep voice. Wait, can you be not serious?

It might not be down-rooted. You don't know that could be. It could just be like, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh What if she's making like whale noise like like real I think that's Kenneth Williams isn't it Make from take those by spins away Oh, you're made from, take those bass pins away. LAUGHTER The size of them. Oh, that's a lot of bass pins.

She had five foot bass pins. Oh, wow. I certainly did have by the time I finished all. LAUGHTER I think, I think Karkin makes a good point. Matt, next time you see the DJ, you've got to say to him, sorry mate, you hear me shagging last night. You know.

If you want to record a bit of it and stick it out as a white label remix, feel free, because I'm happy to advertise that factor as many people as possible. He sent that message to every podcast guy, you know, isn't it? It was just the last bit you went, oh I've got to turn this into a beef, so I'll make a thing a lot of guys.

For starters, I'd have a sparragas. Cheers guys, I'm so sorry. My sister's a really good parent. Anyway, okay, we have read that out of you. One of your own, maybe me. LAUGHTER Say, say, two orbs. Two orbs. I remember when I first moved to London, I was living in these flats, and there was music.

It was really laid. And I remember I was walking down the stairs up the stairs, and one of the other neighbors was banging on the door and I was thinking, ooh, there's gonna be a drama. This might first bit of london to drama. I thought, oh my god, it's like being any stenders and that the door opens and the guy says, sorry to interrupt, but I just heard your music

and it's amazing. Who is that? It's very cool. And the other person said, oh great, come on in. I've got some weed What? Oh, man also I heard you fuck it that is I think I could would you want my DJ what you fuck?

Think I could, would you mind if I DJed while you fucked? LAUGHTER Oh man. Could be a profession being a fucked DJ. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I want a first DJ. I think I should actually do. Yeah, like, you know, like in the, you know, or Gs and stuff, presumably they're not doing it in silence. You've

got to have music. God you're so. And so, imagine an orgies silence. It wouldn't be silence if Matt's part was there, obviously. Yeah, like he's, to our earplugs. You could have a podcast on the background. He's the only one out there fucking to pod, is anyone having an orgies to podcast? Get get in touch we're happy to do a live gig we honestly we've had audiences that are as indifferent the mayor's well I've been fucking you know every time we've done an music festival it was like the audience's very well yeah it would be less embarrassing if you were just fucking rather than just watching us in silence.

But yeah, I think what does Matt need from us now? He's asked a question, he said like, What do you need from us? Do you want from us, man? What do you want from us? Do you want to hear Matt? We know what Matt knew as everything. What could he possibly want from us?

We know what he wants from us. He wanted us to read out his email. He did his half. And mission accomplished. I would say, I think I agree with Clarkie there that I think I would be very, very surprised if anyone else can hear it in the flat. I know you say you can hear who bring that's quite a low noise.

You know, you can hear the bass. That's quite, that's obviously quite a low noise as well. Unless it really is, unless it is very gravely, you know, James L Jones type stuff, then I think you're probably fine. And if not, what about investing in a big bell jar that you fucking said? You know, just a big, you know, like when they, you know, like when they have to do, sort of flies in a bell jar. I've never read the book, but I assume that's what it's Make sure there's there's air holes, but not too many because you don't want the sound to come out too much

But yeah, get yourself a big bell jar pop that over the top of you and absolutely go for your life Beef solved Beef solved. Beef solved. Wow. Beef from the starting of your beef solved. So this is a free range beef. We're taking this outside of the realm of the flat share and it is from Phil and it is city share beef.

It's a city share beef and he sent that to beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com and you should too. Get in touch. Get in touch, guys. Deararest Pappy's urgent help needed. My brother David, who admittedly, I haven't lived on the same roof as for 23 years, is abandoning me. Oh, for the past 13 years,

I thought he was going to say is a bellend then, did you? He's a bellend. He's a bellend. He just, I can't take it anymore. I really thought that's why that was. I thought that was a bellend. I thought that was a bellend. I thought that was a bellend. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. And I haven't lived under the same roof as for 23 years, is abandoning me. For the past 13 years, we've both lived in London, always able to meet up for each other's birthdays or pop over for a cheeky barbecue when the mood has taken us. Our kids love hanging out together and love having their cousins nearby. However, as of next month, David is selling up and shipping out. The whole family is moving to edging up. Giving up, we call it. You say giving up. That's what we call it.

Giving up, baby. The whole family is moving to Edinburgh, leaving a sibling, sister-in-law, niece and nephew shaped hole in my life. There have been times when the time consuming nature of London traffic has felt like an insurmountable barrier to our hanging out. How on earth will our relationships survive survive the much greater and more tangible barrier of Hadrian's wall? To make matters even worse, our mother lives in Belfast and so has always been able to visit us both in one visit without having to admit which of her two sons she's actually come to see. This move will put pressure on her to balance her time evenly, therefore seeing each of us less or just blatantly visiting the

one she likes more, potentially driving a wedge of division between her formerly happy sons. I calling you to put a stop to this house moving folly and prevent him from walking out of my life forever, or at least until Christmas. Our family's future is in your hands. Thank you Phil. Interesting. It's a positive message. Interesting message there. I think bigger problems are coming because his brother is about to come. So he's going to come first of all really smug and be like, oh my god, I can't just believe, I'm going to be if I've

been lifted under that long. Wow, when I think about now, so that's gonna, that's gonna be a bit nightmare. And then his brother is also then either gonna become like a billionaire from renting out his box room to the end of a French festival. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So big books, so that's gonna change his personality. I think there's, I think he's no idea. He thinks it's just I'm going to have to zoom more. He's got so many other things. You know, winter is coming from and he doesn't even realize. So how do we stop it? I mean, do we stop it? My initial instinct is, you know, it's lovely to have a wonderful family. I have family up and down the country,

some in the north, some in the very far south. Fang. Yeah, I've got family all over the country. Yeah. Fading none of them wants to live near me. But it's not a problem to have family all over the country and it's good to have friends. You know, like, you know, you're actual friends that you choose. Right?

And maybe this is going to open your world up a little bit, Phil, to making some new friends. Never too late to do that. Never too late in life to make some new friends. And who knows, eventually you might even, you know, you might even meet someone who you see as a brother, you know, and you can become blood brothers. Yeah, and then you can just replace him altogether. Yeah, join a gang. Join a gang. This is exactly what I'm saying. Yeah, you're in London. London is teeming with gangs. Yeah. Join a gang. You've got it, obviously, you've got to do one of their sort of violent initiations, but once you've got through that, I think you'll be, you know, I think you've got everything it takes to become a good gang member. Don't see it

as losing her brother, see it as gaining some blood. You've got a brotherhood now. And, Parry, you've obviously, you've moved out of London, as you said. Right. How do you think it's changed your relationship with the people who have remained? Not necessarily, I was just a bit of a remained. Well, I think my advice to him is that he's got to start a podcast with his brother, isn't he? It's the only way. It's the only way you've got to turn that relationship into work and obligation that you have to do

three times a week and then you won't break those bonds. Yeah. That's all that's the only way. Yeah. I think that's a great idea. It's broad. Yeah, it's, you know, two guys, it's quite a good format. Two guys who live in different cities, but crucially are both kingpins of different gangs.

Oh yeah, that's what it is. You might have to change, you have to use some sort of voice changing device and not use your actual photo in the image that pops up on your iPod, but apart from that. One tart and balaclava. One thing you can get back to balaclava. What if they did do a podcast, they could do it by the beeps that they have with each other and get their mom to write in?

I like that. A very localized version of beef brothers, but it's just between the two of them. Yeah. It's good. It's really good. Does the mother have to join a gang in Belfast as well? Well, there's probably good gangs in Belfast. I'd say so. So basically the answer to this family is everyone's got to join a gang and then podcast about it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, it seems like. Anyone got anywhere, you know, this is just,

this is with floating potential solutions. Anyone got any other solutions. I mean, it's not actually, it's not solved the problem that Phil has asked us to solve, which is how do we stop his, because at this stage, the brother's still in London, right? The brother's not yet left. How do we stop him from, I mean, the thing is though,

like, Edinburgh's not yet left. How do we stop him from... I mean, the thing is though, like, Edinburgh is a gorgeous city. He's not, you know, he's picked a beautiful place to move to. He's picked an absolute beautiful place, and like you say, if he's willing to relocate somewhere else for the month of August, he's sitting on a goldmine. If he hears your answer every August, you spend it together. That's it. You spend your millions from renting your house out to poor comedians on a luxury trip abroad with your brother. Yeah, rent a private island. Exactly. Rent Neckar Island.

Yeah, just do that. Or get yourself the nice half of Ibiza. Just run that for a little bit. that you've got a bad idea at all, yeah. Then you know that it doesn't matter that you're not seeing each other every other weekend for a barbecue. You know, you've got a big blowout one to the can. You know, you know, you're not seeing each other every other weekend for a barbecue. You know, you've got a big blowout one to the can. You know, you're not seeing each other every other weekend for a barbecue. You know, you've got a big blowout one to the can. You know that it doesn't matter that you're not seeing each other

every other weekend for a barbecue. You know you've got a big blowout one to the Can Rooney of a Summer every single year paid for by some poor struggling artists. Oh. You know, they could be like, what's his name? Gary Linnaker and was it Wayne Linnaker?

Wayne Linnaker, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They could have that their summer. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how much time Gary spends at Ocean Beach. Maybe he does. I know Wayne has a great, I follow Wayne on Instagram, and I know he has a great time.

But you could both have Wayne Linnaker summer, I think. I don't know if you want Gary's. I think Gary does quite a lot of work in the summer. Er, Wayne Linnaker summer, Gary's money. That's what you're gonna get. This is it. This is what you get. The best of both worlds.

Oh my god, I love it. The best of both. I love flinicus. The best of both. It was the wail of times. It was the Gary of time. What is this? Err...

My honest advice to him is he should go, go to Edinburgh as well. Yeah. You're absolutely. Follow, listen, if you love your brother, which you clearly do, follow him. Yeah. Follow him to Edinburgh.

It's a, you know what? It's a great, it's a wonderful country, Scotland. It's a beautiful city. You know, why not? Don't bore your earnings in August. Yeah. Let's face it, how far away from devolution are we? You know, like it's only a matter of time. Go now. Before they pop it, before they pop a big bell jar over the top of Scotland. That's what you want to do. Get there as quick as you can, but yeah, Tom.

So my two genuine bits of advice are number one, go to Edinburgh with him. I don't think you'll regret it. And it'll be kind of exciting and cool to start a new life with your brother up there and their families. But the second bit of advice is, I actually think, living on the other side of London to someone, and living from London to Edinburgh to someone, isn't necessarily as different

as you think when you've got kids. Like you're still going to be operating around the big school holidays hanging out and that's really cool actually. Like having cousins who live in a different city and you go and spend your holidays with them. That's more exciting than getting on a bus and spending an hour and a half trying to get your kids back across London. You do your big chunky holidays together. I think you might actually be moving up a gear in your relationship with your brother, because the time you do get spent together,

especially if you're kids, it'll feel amazing and they'll count down the days till they're going to Scotland. And so I think embrace it, either leave with him or just embrace what's about to happen and know that it will actually improve things. You might be. And I think as well, the excitement as well

of knowing that you could be getting on the sleeper train, you could have a family carriage on the sleeper train. Yeah, we're training. Pop a bell jar over the sleeper train. Absolutely, we'll have a bell jar over it. I think yeah Absolutely, you know, just fucking all this. I think, yeah, telling your family, I've got tickets for us all to be on it and family room on the sleeper train,

we're going up to CR, our cousins, our, that is great, yeah. Oh, you know what, that's exactly it. Embrace it, lean into it. I had one of my best friends, I lived in Kentish, Tane. She lived in Muzzle Hill, so that's like half an hour on the bus and then we speak about it in a really three times a week on the phone and

there one time we actually were like when did we last actually see each other. We realised we had not actually seen each other face-to-face in four months. Wow, yeah. Absolutely happened. It can absolutely happen. It happens. Why cousin used to live in the Southern hemisphere and then he moved to Britain and then he moved to London? And we genuinely saw more of each other when he lived in South Africa.

Yeah. And when he lived in London, we just didn't get to see each other that much in London. When it's a big important thing, you make the time for it, don't you? Whereas if they just round the corner, you know, don't think about it, because they're on your doorstep. It's good.

I think, you know what, I think this is absolutely beef-solve. We got two very strong solutions there, Parry. I either of that. And then my first option is call the Scottish authorities and tip them off as being a sex offender. Ah! LAUGHTER I was so close to wrapping up there. If only I'd got that beef self in quicker. Oh well that was absolutely 100% my fault there.

Beef self. Beef from the zoning I can beef self. Grown yeah. Do you have? Now I'm struggling to imagine that you have any beef with your partner. I think this is the time we should get your partner onto the microphone. He can complain about you for a little bit. But do you have any beef to lose?

No, you're so dull. You're pouring out husband's porn. No. Oh, good. Or your neighbours or anyone else, you know, your you landlords whatever your situation might be do you have any problems you'd like us to solve. So he supports his football team and let's just okay let's just say a football team because there's no point I won't get into the tribalism of it he's a football team and they make him miserable. It's like he's an abusive

relationship with them and I keep saying, look, don't be too good people, people can change gender now. You can change football teams. Just tomorrow, go into work and say, I now support Man City, and just be happier, be free, and he just won't talk to me when I say that. So if you can give me a solution, how I can extricate him from the abuse of relationship he has with football team that's making his life even more miserable than I am. I mean I'm obviously going to 30 you guys. Yeah, go on. It's tricky. Yeah, it was tricky. I think you've chosen the wrong tag.

Oh. I don't think, I think, and within sport switch, certainly within league switch, you're not going to do. But so what you might need to think about is either, can you tempt him away with a new and exciting sport? Okay. For example, could you suddenly turn him on to Crown Green Balls Pickle Ball?

I don't know. Could you take him somewhere that's gonna get him away from the drudgery of the football for him. Or can you take him to like a, like a local women's game or something like that and then be like, isn't this amazing and like a local conference team that feels, it feels small and exciting and then it's,

because you're never gonna to be swading to switch big. Okay, okay. What are your sports growing up? Do you ever do any of the, like, the Gaelic games? Well, so I used to be a big, can't meet football fans, like, huge, huge, huge, massive, like, oh my god, oh my god, and I remember it so well, I was watching a game

and I was really, really stressed. And I was like, oh my god, oh my god, what if they're not gonna win, they're not gonna win. And suddenly I heard a voice in my head going, you could just leave. So a litchie just got up and walked out. And they never watched another game again. Oh my god. Wow, you see, weren't completely cold turkey.

And that was it. It was like, suddenly a voice in my head was like, you don't have to. Because I was so awful, I was so stressed. And then I was like, oh, I think, yeah, just went for a walk. So I think that's a very revelatory anecdote there because that is what you sort of want him to do. You sort of applied, I guess, pure logic to the situation. And this is the thing, you know, the sports fan,

it's not about logic, is it? It's about passion and emotion. And I think as well, I know the sports teams will make you miserable. But the thing I, as a non-sports fan, really miss, is I miss that anticipation and elation that it can bring you, right? You know, I miss that anticipation and elation that it can bring you, right? You know, I miss that optimism as well that even if your team is playing badly,

you still approach every game who knows. You know what, I think this is going to be the one where we turn it around. It's been a terrible season, but I think this is going to be the one for us, and then, you know, slowly you get, you know, a disavowed of that idea. And I genuinely think, I'd love to have that. I'd love to have that kind of thing. So you'll fixate it on the misery, but there probably is a lot of, you know,

active pleasure that he derives from it. You never, you sort of didn't as much as, and you can't understand why he doesn't just go, well look, focus on the misery and get out of here. The misery is the pleasure. Yeah, I would if you knew the team he supported with that, you still think that. Well, I don't know about any team so it wouldn't make any difference. I don't know who's doing well or not. Do you want to tell us, do you want to tell us the team? Is it Tottenham Hotspur? It's Tottenham Hotspur. Yeah, yeah. It's Tottenham. Okay. So, so, so, you know,

I'll just help him then. No, that's not gonna change, no. Um, well, he's what I was wondering though. And I don't know if this is true, but I wonder if sometimes you, you kind of, you heap your misery onto your football team and it keeps you happy elsewhere.

Is there potentially a bit of that? It's like that, you might go like, oh, you know, go to the gym and let loose on the heavy bag and it really gets like, you know, it's out on my aggression. Yeah. I'm not going to sing on the heavy bag. The base on it is amazing, honestly. I love fucking to it. Let loose on the old heavy bag. I love letting loose my heavy bags to it. I've got a real problem because when I let loose on the heavy bag,

we make so much noise. You know what, because Clark, you make a good point there, because he can probably, he can sort of come away from a match and go okay Well, that was the ninth consecutive game we've lost But now I can cheer myself up by cleaning the sick off my anus cushion He's doing that with with the with the lightness of hearts that's not on the hotspot Do do do do do do do do do do scrub scrub scrub scrub. Oh, sorry, Nana. It's going to the bin. Zip it. He dude.

That was his nuns heavy bag. Please, please, grandchild. Not the heavy bag. He's gone. He's gone Nana. Kissing him. What're right, maybe it distracts him, maybe it's a good distraction. Could be. I don't know if these things, if it creates more misery or it just focuses, focuses me for better. Have you tried replacing it with something that you think might spark more joy in him?

Well, so, like musical theater. But it's funny to say that because this is one of the debates we've had is that I found out, I was like, how can I say that? How much I like, premiership football tickets. Because in my head, it's like what, like 20 quid. And then he was like, oh no,

it was like basically about 100 paying. And I was like, you could go to a musical for that. You could go to a musical for that. And he went, what's the same thing? It's the same level of entertainment. I get entertained by going to a football game. And I was like, but at least if I go see like, I'd know Oklahoma, I know I'm going to enjoy it.

It's not just going to make me feel, shish. And they can't sing for some reason. I'm falling over. It keeps starting a song and then just giving up. Yeah, someone else knows another song with a local home over the top of it that the lead actress got sent off halfway through. This cheek. I mean yeah.

Sings the first note to as a metatarsal. It's me switching out. The cry starts like really abusing. The chorus. You're not even allowed to bring booze into the theatre. Oh, it's the worst. So I don't know. Does he come to the theatre with you as well?

Do you know? Sometimes, we go a little bit now. He finds he can have to kind of pick my moments. Are you tempted at all to go along to the... Like, can you throw yourself into it and share the misery a little bit? Oh my God, it was so boring. It was genuinely... I started being like, I genuinely started, I got really like depressed.

I was like, this is so boring. Then I was like, this is like, I feel like I'm watching World War One or something. It's so, I was so tedious. It was taught in them against Chelsea, and it was that wembley, bloody hell. I kept chasing, I love Chelsea, and then I kept going Clinton so people didn't enjoy

your gags he's making the reason you're nothing absolutely nothing I went and watched in the top of the challenge. I love Chelsea. I was surprised you weren't beating up. This goes down the storm at Oklahoma. Get in the stalls and check and I love cats. Lloyd Webber's Barbie Harby. Yeah, I mean, it's a real tricky one. I think you have to either, like, you need to find a different source for his misery or something that sparks joy for him, I guess. Like, is there something that can provide that same scratch of misery that isn't football? What I think about, like, things like, I don't watch them What I think about things like,

I don't watch them, but like shows like line of duty or happy valley. I think people have like a similar thing with that where they're like go, oh it's great, for women are dead and like, and that's not the only episode, it's a mate, You have to watch it. And you're like, oh no, no thanks.

You know what? I will never watch a show like this ordinarily, but everyone's been going on about how good the last of us is. So I watched the first half of the first episode, because it didn't realize it's going to be our in 20 long, it's basically the length of film. So what's the first half of the episode? Oh God. Oh

God, I can't imagine it's gonna get better, but it's so bleak so unbelievably big and I was like oh everyone says This is amazing. I'm like I get an hour of telly a Night you know maybe three times a week. Why the fuck in the first 20 minutes the songs catch it the songs are wonderful 20 minutes the songs catch it the songs are wonderful But you know that some time just to geeky can't write an uncatchy song But no, it's like a little infection That's what's going on man. Yeah, watched it But in the first 20 minutes like the worst possible thing that can happen to a person Happens and I go shit themselves

that can happen to a person happens. And I go, Shit themselves. Shit's in cells. They want to talk to everyone's like, He sneezes really hard, he goes, Oh no. And then he hit, They put the heavy bags so hard,

they shit themselves. Oh no. Oh no. I, with those sort of programs, I always think, how happy are people's lives that they're like, this is a nice bit of like escapism for me. Yeah, okay, bedtime now.

You're like, what, how are you going, how are you lying down and dealing with it? It was, I felt, I mean, I'll keep going because everyone said it's so good, but I don't know, you know. But yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe if he needs me, if he needs life. Showing the last of us.

Christ alive. Hahaha. Showing the last of us. Christ alive. But you've thought. Imagine if that was the tagline. The last of us. More cheerful than Tottenham Hotspur. Gronnie, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's been an absolute pleasure having you on the show. Thanks for having me really, really fun.

Helping me through my terrible living conditions. It was really great to be able to talk to somebody. Well we've got your husband on next week and I think you've got to have a lot to say. He's been begging to come on for ages. Well that's going to be dull as hell. We can't we can't put it out. We just do this service for the next podcast So where can people, where can people find you? You yourself have an absolutely fantastic podcast. It's absolutely brilliant. Tell people all about that. Well, Sue, you were guest on it and it was a, it was a stonk, it was a stonk of an episode. Basically, so it's called The Way They were and every week we look at one celebrity splish and the guest brings along the celebrity break up they never got over and we do a deep

dive and we look at like memoirs or newspaper articles interviews from the time, sometimes Instagram posts that they wrote and we just like really walked in memory lane when this couple were together and why we think they splish. And you had a fantastic couple. I did, Brenda, leave him puppies. That time somebody really could eat a dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip. Who won that break?

I would know, wouldn't this? Who won? Who won that one? The jury's still out. But yeah, no, I did Simon Cowell and Sunita, and we had a really fun time going through there. I love it. It's great. It's such a fun podcast, and there's loads of brilliant guests.

So, get that wherever you get your pods. And do follow Gronya as well. On, you know, you're faddering the, if you want to find you're bothering the Phoenix Bar probably then imbalance you might have to stay out quite late. Just wipe a bit of rice off my chin you know look after a little and all-time fun gal. Popper in a black cab and send a sender home. Gronje you're seeing you very soon thanks so much. Oh you, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, my best friends. Thank you, bye-bye. Bye, B's. Bye, B's.

Thanks, buddy. B's from the starting out your B's. There you go. Lovely, app. Absolutely wonderful, app. If you have a beef you would like us to solve, please do send it in. We always need beefs. Beef Brothers podcast at gmail.com. Get in touch with us. Send us your beefs. You know what? They can be, they can be short, they can be long. We can, we can deal with the ones that us your beefs. You know what, they can be, they can be short, they can be long. We can deal with the ones that are two sentences long. If you're worried about having to write a big epic time like some of the ones we read today,

don't worry about that. We would love your beef every bit as much if it was three lines long, we'd love that. So a beef brothers podcast at gmail.com, get in touch today. All right, then, well, all that's left for us to do, say that today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers, everyone. Bye. Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for the 260th Patreon neighborhood watch Roll Call Awards! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Sometimes that roll call is only a dream away. The nominees for hottest tile, there are two nominees for the award of Chief Doot here.

One of them, of course, is Matthew Crosby, and the winner tonight though is Philip Walsby. F We should patch up that massive hole just to the end of the day. We shouldn't have filled that orchestra bit with crocodiles. We shouldn't have filled that hole. Oh well, it's the big roll call awards, but sometimes you've got a pay tribute to the callers themselves and who was our best caller when it was Alex Coulter. Alex Coulter. Alex Coulter. Oh, he's got this.

He's got this. I think it's a little bit. I think it's a little bit. The next award is for somebody who wants at Bree. And the winner is Dave B. Oh, Dave B. Don't stand on me! Oh! This is the big one guys, it's the award for a person who owns a calendar and the winner

is Victor Alander and no Victor Ducco is with that dude! No, it's a sheer drop on the other side! And the next award is who has the biggest tool it is of course Oh, wait, that is a rush by its own weight. Well, next up is the biggest person we know who is fast and the winner here is about last! Don't go over there! Oh no! Eight-foot tall, she isn't at the top of her head off. And so fast! Too fast. Well, this next award, I know you're all excited about it, it's for a man who's best at singin' the blues, and would you believe it?

Not the name you'd expect from Manu Singh's The Blues. But it isn't he, he does go to Tom Hughes and Tom. No, Blu, Blu, Blu, Blu, Blu, Blu, Blu, that sex of Ohno, is livers come straight through. This next award goes to the person who can use the biggest font. It's, it's David Bowman David three three man The next award goes to somebody who let's be honest is everyone's favorite Doris Look okay, we've been running for 256 years. Some of these categories are outdated

But we're not gonna roll with the times Favorite Doris goes to Hazel Chloe Morris! Oh, Hazel! No, no, don't take that bridge! No, no I'm sure there can be no negative consequences and oh no awards over hey they say that at the end of the awards I do say that concludes another 258 awards oh good night

good night everybody No, I won't. Good night. Good night, everybody.