Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Hannah George S11E46

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Hannah GeorgeHannah George - https://twitter.com/HannahMGeorgePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare bas...ed beef you'd like us to solve then send it to beefbrotherspodcast@gmail.comSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's fall, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no. You can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon. Yes, we deliver those. Turtles? No. But turtles the dessert?
Starting point is 00:00:15 Yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome to another fantastic episode of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts with our guest Hannah George. Hannah George, you might know Hannah George from the hit podcast drunk women solving crime.
Starting point is 00:00:52 Which it was the opposite of an idea we had for a podcast. Wasn't it when we first started that called drunk men committing crime? Didn't go down well. I think the point of was recording it for podcast. We were always getting convicted because there was such strong evidence against us carrying our equipment around, caution, tagging along with the desk. It wasn't easy to commit those crimes, wasn't it? It was a sharp death. But this was a really fun episode and thank you so much for
Starting point is 00:01:20 everyone who sent in beefs. If you'd like to send in more beefs, we always need them. We're always recording these beefs for podcasts you'd like to send in more beefs, we always need them. We're always recording these beef brothers podcasts. Send them to beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com. Beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com and a very special request. We're doing a beef brothers cold turkey, our Christmas episode. So we need festive beefs from you.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Same email address. You've got to have them. You've got to have them. Beef Brothers podcast at gmail.com. You've got to have them guys. Get in touch. Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. Don't get me wrong but also it is uniquely stressful and broad. It's broad is the word. It's the most frothful time of the year. So I'm getting touch with your specific Christmas beefs. Right, we should crack into this, it's quite a long beast. A totally enjoyable beast. A long one.
Starting point is 00:02:17 Let's get into it, here we go. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem call it a beef, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem, call it a B, if you've got a B, maybe we can help you be from the sorting I can be. All cuts. Hannah, thanks so much for coming on the show. Pleasure.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Can we talk? I know this is an audio podcast. Yes. Those curtains. Oh, yeah, maybe. That's fantastic. And let's about the curtains. We've been in lockdown for two years,
Starting point is 00:02:45 but the Pando has been here for almost two years, and I still use this as my zoom background. Absolutely horrible. How often do you have to justify your curtains to random script meetings? Do you know what? People kind of, I think they grow to love them, but they were my, yeah, my boyfriend's mom gave them to us
Starting point is 00:03:03 when we moved in. And I just can't be fucked with soft furnishings and stuff. I'm just like, they're free, aren't they? And they're there. And with you on that, it's such a ball like to order curtains and have them fitted. And then once someone comes around and measures up and they go, oh yeah, yeah, a couple of curtains,
Starting point is 00:03:20 that'll be one and a half grand. And you're like, I'll tell you what, I'll just keep the ones that are sort of a little bit too short for the window and not really the pattern I want you to. Exactly, they're doing their job. Exactly. I think what we really need to do if you're happy is
Starting point is 00:03:33 we need to guard and state you, what we need to do is try and find a jumper of the exact same pattern that we can get you for Christmas because that will be Zoom, Gold every time. If I have that, it will you for Christmas, because that will be Zoom gold every time. If I have that, it was certainly reference gold, I'll give you that much. I was wondering what it was gonna be, we're gonna play you the shins and be pompous about it.
Starting point is 00:03:55 But yeah, I like the idea of that. I mean, yeah, I don't know where that fabric is, does Laura actually still exist? Are they still... Are they still Laura? No, I'm trying to work out how we could get more of it for Hampton. Yeah, do you know what? I'm just trying to look as if they had a make-up. I'm actually Gucci. Cause we're going for the label. I'm looking for the label.
Starting point is 00:04:29 But yeah, well, they're great anyway and we love them. And thank you for coming on the show. Yeah, thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for coming on the show. pull yourself together. That was quite right, it was it. It was calling right. It was something. It was, I was going for that, Dr. Dr. Joker, I feel like a pair of curtains,
Starting point is 00:04:48 pull yourself together. Well, it does work. Well, Dr. I am a pair of curtains. And a curtain show would be good on Twitch, and you could call it in the curtain. Yeah, it's just a curtain. Twitch is. Love it.
Starting point is 00:05:03 Get on, yeah. It's a Twitch chat show. You interview famous people in front of their favorite set of curtains. It's not a bad idea, actually. We're doing one of the worst ones. Yeah. What about celebrities who used to be famous for having curtains as well? Sure, McGuire.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Oh. Poshbice. To name the big two. Yeah. Do you know what though, they're coming back. A case? Sure, the quiet and poshbice. Well, yeah, they've got it.
Starting point is 00:05:34 They've done a single together. No, the curtains are coming back. Like, this is quite weird, but occasion will be, I'll be driving away with my wife. And I'll point to a kid of say like 1718 actually, probably younger than that, more like 1617 and I would say that is a kid who would be very fanciable in the 90s and they'll always have the current haircut. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Starting point is 00:06:00 You're driving around about your driving round, the parking, the parking, the pointy-get kids. Right, you're right mate, are you okay? Have you had a, how's this information coming you stroke? Because let me just dress this, I'm not driving around the area parking kids. Can I just, very early on, say that is not what I do? I would drive around. Yeah, what Curtin Twitch is about guys.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Okay, listen, here at Curtin Twitch is, we got nothing to do with parking kids, all right? Let's get that room up. Let's get that room up. That room up, it's a posture bed, straight away. Well, he's a bit of a coach. He's a bit of a coach. He's a bit of a coach.
Starting point is 00:06:33 He's a bit of a coach. He's a bit of a coach. Nick Surt has on that, straight away. Sean McQuire has pulled out, guys, okay. He's a bit of a coach. He's no longer interested in being in Curtin Twitches. Let's move on from that. And let's, I thought, I mean, I thought that would,
Starting point is 00:06:49 I thought that would inspire a bit more chat, but you know what it's done is, it's really, it's really, you've got your flaming torch is out for me now. You know what I mean? Like the kind of kid who would have done well back when I was at school, he would have been the best for the kid.
Starting point is 00:07:03 I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, so. It's all kind of cyclical isn't it? Things come around. Exactly. You know, it's lucky that that look is coming back into fashion because there must have been kids who look like that through every era.
Starting point is 00:07:17 I think curtains are very deliberate though, aren't they? As a hair style. It did be a top. If you've got to naturally have curtains, I don't think you do, do you? I mean, I'm only topless with curtains. That's the worst. And that, until my toddler gets older,
Starting point is 00:07:31 then we're definitely gonna go for that now. The cool toddler in school. Don't let Matthew anywhere near it. LAUGHTER I'm a sucker for an undercut. Let me tell you that. LAUGHTER And that's a good point, isn't it? The hair doesn't actually fall. What about if you've got a double crown, his curtains away that it's going to go?
Starting point is 00:07:55 You know, people have got the double crown, they've got it. I've got it. Oh, yeah. You know, you've got, it's hard to part your hair because your hair kind of wants to, it's like, you know when you're on the beach and you see waves crashing against each other, that's what my hair wants to do. You've got a rip tide. I've got a rip tide.
Starting point is 00:08:15 My hair is blue juice. Another gorgeous reference. To all those mighty kids on it. Speaking of Blue Juice, I guess next week on Kurt which will be Sean Pertwy. So please keep... My friend gave his pubes curtains once. No! Yeah, he split them in the middle, because he thought it would be an interesting thing
Starting point is 00:08:42 to try. Sure. And they've never gone back. He's always on line. I'm in his dreams. Oh wow. The wind changed. Oh.
Starting point is 00:08:52 So he's just got his dick hanging out of like curtains. He's tick must look like a member of the Inspiral Carpet. That's amazing. What a look to have. Just like a must be like, has he ever put like a tiny pair of sunglasses on his knob? So he's trying to, he gave his pubes a curtains of course he's probably done it.
Starting point is 00:09:13 He's got some kind of specs on his face. He's probably human. How did you hear this information? How did he, how did he present it to you? I know to clear these curtains open. He was like, It's not a cut of rim window in the morning. How does he present it to you? I know how to clear these curtains open. He was like, I can't even remember in the morning.
Starting point is 00:09:29 How did you find out? You know what, I've never seen them, but he readily told me. I think it was the first day of uni. I just met this guy and he was just like, can I tell you something? That's what he told me. I guess you've got to have everything when you start uni. You've got to have a thing when you start uni and so you know, you've got a thing memorable one. I'll hang out with that dude.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Do you want to believe? I mean, yeah, because of course you have no pubes. So it'd be like, be a real good cop bad cop situation, real bloody movie. An entirely hairless man and a go-go party's own pubes. So, there's no easy transition after that conversation, but what kind of a flatmate are you? Do you know what I think? I think I'm all right. I think in terms of a disposition. I think my day-to- day disposition is quite jolly,
Starting point is 00:10:27 quite sunny, so I kind of think I might be quite a good flatmate, but I also might be the fucking worst, I don't know. Because it's like, go either way, people that are too kind of like, oh, this is nice, isn't it? It's better not to ask, isn't it? You know, I think if you're really, really bad, you'll find out if people are bothered by you Are you laid back about space about order about
Starting point is 00:10:50 Yeah, yeah, we both are as well. So I live with my fiance and we're both like Couldn't give a shit what it looks like Yeah, that's kind of the vibe for the whole flat is that it's, I don't know, it's that thing I've just certainly overlocked down because no one was coming around. We used to do a nice big tidy up just as someone was coming around in the before times. But, you know, for a good year, we were kind of like, how far can we push this? As long as the front door hallway area is tidy for the Amazon guy, you're fine, really, aren't you?
Starting point is 00:11:29 Exactly. It's like the acceptable bit of the house to look a bit neat. And the rest can just be. Famously, it's the middle part of the house, isn't it? You know? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Crossbees got two hallways.
Starting point is 00:11:41 Bring love from someone. Can I ask one final question? And I'm sure you won't know the answer to this, but I'm gonna ask it anyway Hannah. Was he straightening the hair? You asked if really good, that's a really good, I know there was a comb involved. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:11:58 I'm imagining a knit comb. It's gonna have to be something, it's gonna be a fine tooth comb certainly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or he's Moses. He just puts his arms to one side in his pubes past. Let my penis go. Who's the Pharaoh holding on to it? Something else about the Bible. something else about the Bible. I'm sorry. Ah yeah, we are a gang of old crissos as well.
Starting point is 00:12:28 You've got to realise that about us. So what's your partner, what's your fiancee like as a flatmate? You say you're of a sunny disposition, but you don't really care what the flat looks like. He also doesn't care what the flat looks like, but is he like a yin to your yang? No, I think we're kind of like, that's sort of the problem in a way, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:12:46 Sometimes you need the really, really tidy one and then the kind of slightly messy one. He's tidy other than me, but we both kind of, you know, if the washing up's not done immediately, no one really gives a shit, which is nice because if I really cared about it and he didn't, then it would be annoying or the other way around. So overall, think like maybe that's why I have a sunny disposition
Starting point is 00:13:10 though it's kind of like it's chaos and I don't care. That's great, that's the dream isn't it? To find a situation where you're like I've you know I was gonna use the phrase I've given up but I'm not giving up is not the right phrase but you know like I've let go of those things. That can actually sort of, you know, drive people insane. As we're going to find out as we start reading the beefs that are listeners of Centus, but those things can, you know, tiny things can really bother you. But if you're in utter chaos and you love it, brilliant.
Starting point is 00:13:41 Yeah, and I feel like I've sort of like painted a bad picture now. I mean, it's not a shithle. It's just like you know I'll and if I I'll take a bra off and it will just stay in the room that I've taken the bra off in if you think I want to have a kitchen bra, a bathroom bra, and then maybe at the end of the week I'll go to find them all. I heard the bra. Yeah and straight back into into the Chester drawers as well because nobody, no woman knows how, like, when you're supposed to wash a bra. So I just pop them straight back in and start the cycle again. If you get something on a bra, you're washing it then.
Starting point is 00:14:18 But apart from that, is it like, you know, back to hair. Do they wash, they start washing themselves? After a while, if you leave a bra for 25 days, does it start to create its own washing system? Do you know what, probably, I think the balcony bra is definitely getting a good airing. So that one's fine. I don't think I'd ever wash my bras.
Starting point is 00:14:43 Oh yeah, I don't. I think exactly that. I'd hang them up for a bit by a window and then be like off we go. Exactly, a sports bar perhaps because you're sweating, but sort of day to day as like a writer, I don't wear a bra actually, so I don't. Yeah, yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that.
Starting point is 00:15:01 How much you sit really getting? And if you've got one in every room, that's yeah. Yeah. If the doorbell goes, you just have it close to hand, stick it on. Is that clear? It's easy. It's easy.
Starting point is 00:15:13 I thought you were sort of work out some sort of elaborate pulley system where you could hook the bra onto the door handle and open the door to the Amazon guy without getting that part off the sofa. I thought that was the system you're going for. I mean, I will try that now, you've never suggested it. Good use for the hallway, Bra. Be here from the starting, I can beat you!
Starting point is 00:15:32 Shall we crack onto some beefs? Yes. Harry, do you want to do the first one? Oh, we would love to do the first beef, so I'll do it really soon. This is what's time to hold in music now, Wally Fowler. Oh, we beat you. Okay, here we are.
Starting point is 00:15:51 We're in. Water Beef from Anon via beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. Get in touch, use the Gmail. Thousands do. We are always excited when Anon gets in touch. It's always the key to a juicy beef. They've not put their name to it. I'm always here. Hi puppies and guests. Every night my wife takes a large glass of water up to bed, which she calls her just in case water. This is usually a standard tall glass of water, not quite full point
Starting point is 00:16:26 size, but always falter the top. She is clearly preparing for a hydration emergency that is never likely to transpire. On average, she drinks 0% of this per night. Though on the higher consumption evenings, about 20% may be gone. This is a bit of a waste of water. Wait, wait, wait, average. So on average 10%. 10%. Yeah. Well, it depends how often her higher consumption evenings happen. Sure, sure. But it's not zero. I think he's trying to make it that she never drinks the water.
Starting point is 00:17:15 She rare. I think what he means to say is she rarely drinks the water at the top. And then sometimes she'll drink about a quarter of it. Yeah. This is a bit of a waste of water but it's not the main beef point. I use the water on my office plants but the poor bastards are rapidly getting water logged. She also usually forgets to bring these downstairs in the morning as well. Leading to an accumulation of cups on the bedside table that looks like the final
Starting point is 00:17:46 seed of sines, a lovely, a non-effort. A non-fits right in. He really does. And my shayamon. My main beef point is that this leads to not enough cups being available in the kitchen. This is a familiar dance isn't it? Anyway, further now. It is coming into winter time. We have to run a dehumidifier in our bedroom to prevent damp, and I invariably have to empty all of the untouched drinking cups before I could turn on the machine. One solution I tried previously was adding one or two cups of water to her collection myself.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Until one day when there was about six cups and she finally noticed. It was fun, but didn't often much in terms of a resolution. Cheers by and non in case she's in the room when I listen to this. Right. Well so can I just just just for my own sort of a clarity of mind here. His solution was. play a water. Yeah, I'm just on the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm feeling this is my head right there. You read it, you read it as confused as we heard it. So he was like, right, if you'll believe water, I'm going to leave that below to water.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Was that you, man? He added one or two cups of water to her collection, himself. Until one day, there was about six cups so she finally noticed it was fun It doesn't sound that fun I didn't offer much in terms of a resolution So you kind of added to the problem to make her realize But what about that? It's glass lighting her
Starting point is 00:19:37 Yeah, oh yes please Come on That's why I'm tactic with climate change I'm so like that's what I'm so worried about climate change I'm such an activist Like I just leave my car running You know I'm just going like, that's what I'm so worried about climate change. I'm such an activist. Like, I just leave my car running. You know, I'm just gonna make it really worse just so people couldn't really notice.
Starting point is 00:19:50 So the climate starts to change itself, really. But like, okay. I thought when he said we got a dehumidifier, that was gonna be a solution to the problem. Just to try and circle the whole door. All right, all right, all right, all right. The cup. What, I don't know, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:20:04 I understand this. I take a glass of water to bed of me every night. What, I don't understand is I take a glass of water to bed to me every night. And if I don't, I really panic. I don't understand. What I don't understand is I always drink that water. Yeah, same. Pretty much. But I am a nighttime, so I don't want it to brag,
Starting point is 00:20:20 but I'm a nighttime sweater. You do sweat a lot in the nighttime. You do. I'm not stop wearing that nighttime sweater. That's why he's like a hot. So hang on. So yeah, is why I don't see a problem here. Anon, I assume you're sharing a bed with your partner, right? And I too enjoy taking a hefty drink to bed with me.
Starting point is 00:20:44 I don't get through it in the night, but that leaves you with the joy of a morning drink. Because who doesn't enjoy a morning whistle-wetting? Yeah, absolutely. Because I'd say, you know, some of it gets drinking in the night and then most of it, yeah, in the water in the morning, because that's normally your wake up part, because you sweat all over. I presume it's sweat, it doesn't smell like sweat, but... It's very localised.
Starting point is 00:21:14 Sorry, Hannah, where do you stand on this issue? Oh, me. Were you about to ask Hannah if she's a nighttime sweater? No, I was going to ask, are you a water to bed kind of person? Huge water to bed person, yeah massively. Mostly because 90, well 90% of the time I will have been drinking and that is the trick, isn't it? It's like, you come home, you're actually really smashed.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Do you think, I'll just take some water to bed, that'll sort me out. It does not. But it certainly does. Like, and then I also have a big open-mouthed sleeper in the sense that I will just sleep with my God wide open. You always like to think that you're sleeping somewhat like a sort of Disney princess, but no, it's so.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Yeah, and I know this because I wake up with like the driest mouth every single, you you know every single morning So or in the night. So yeah big big water drinker But what I would say is the solution is like water doesn't go off over 24 hours like leave the fucking same cup for a week if you want Like Who is this person that needs fresh water? Yeah Princess but also a non. Why don't you chill in the water in the morning?
Starting point is 00:22:28 Start the day with the water, yeah. If you, and also, to make a mistake, the beauty of sharing a drink with you, unlike we always take one point up, and then between the two of us in the morning, whatever's left goes, do you know what I mean? But like, you don't have to,
Starting point is 00:22:43 you could do some of the heavy lifting here, you can drink from that cup of water. I can't believe between two people and a room full of pot plants. There is one glass is not gonna get drunk over like 12-hour period. That's not- Do you share a glass of water at night with your wife?
Starting point is 00:23:04 Yeah, so yeah, I'll take one point glass up that's a matter. Tom, do you share a glass of water at night with your wife? Yes, I'll take one point glass up full of water and then, you know, as we drink from it, we'll drink from it and then if it goes in the middle of the night, top it up in the bathroom. But do you wake you up and go, now pass me the water, will you? What side of the bed is this glass of water on? It's normally on her side of the bed, which by the door which means I can get it on coming back from nightweez I thought I thought you were gonna say I've got one of those you know like it's a big version of what the hamps to has on the side of the cage You're sticking above the bed and we can both lean up to the pipe and have a little circle
Starting point is 00:23:40 Oh, there's hats Yes, they have to they have to be facing sort of forwards. The point where we have to be facing forwards to like in the direction you see, and you have to sleep, like flat on your back. That's how it have to work. You just flat on your back, two points on either side of your head. I drink two points before I go to sleep.
Starting point is 00:24:00 I don't bring water up. I smuggle it, I smuggle it to bed in my body. Two points. Yeah, I have two points towards it. Two points points. Yeah, I have two points before you go to bed. Two points before you go to bed. Bang bang. Bang bang baby. Chin and bow. You don't look like you could fit two points of water in your body. Come on. Come up all night. Come on, you're in the room. I haven't slept. I haven't slept in years. I'm just up all night though. I'm coxy pissing, crying, anywhere can
Starting point is 00:24:26 I can spell it from my body. I don't piss, I normally wake up once, but sometimes it would just, like sometimes I'll, I'll normally wake up about 6am and I'm going to bed about 11, so I have a chin 2.11, that normally takes me through to 6am and I wake up desperate for a wee and there we go. So you're not going to bed a bit too full of water?
Starting point is 00:24:50 You're like, what? Yes, sometimes it's a little bit jiggly. Just a bit bloaty. Not bloaty, but definitely a bit kind of like slub, slub, slub, slub, you know. And also like that, yeah, like, and also that for me would rule at the prospect of intimacy. If I'm two points in, I'm going to struggle to be intimate with anyone.
Starting point is 00:25:14 Have any options have you got mate? How many people are sharing this pie glass? What, do you move into a commune? You're in a commune? So we do it in Devon. Yeah, two points, I feel bilious after two off on the back. I don't think I've ever chinned two points back to back in my entire life. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the microphone. Oh, one off event, you'll never have seen before.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Down it. 10 out of 10, we're not going to be that. I think one of the big points we need to get to here is surely as well. Too much drink next to the bed at night is so much better than not enough drink. If your partner was taking a tiny tumbler, it's Crosby's nickname.
Starting point is 00:26:14 If you see my acrobatics routine, the tiny tumbler. Hopefully it's a tiny tumbler. If they were taking a tiny tumbler to bed and having to get up and add to it and stuff like that, surely that's a bigger problem. Yeah, I'd say this, I reckon as a solution, buy them a nice glass, which is like this is your bedtime glass. Sorry. And then it's like, oh, you just use the same bedtime glass because that's your bedtime, this is your bedtime glass. Sorry. And then it's like, oh, you just use you say bedtime glass, because that's your bedtime glass. I don't know. That's a nice
Starting point is 00:26:50 thing. And then it's just a dedicated one. And then anytime it's, it's another one, or it accumulates, it's like, oh no, use your bedtime glass. That feels like the way you deal with a child. It feels a bit like sleeping with the enemy, doesn't it? Where it's like, no, no. No, controlling. Very controlling, yeah. Yeah. I can't buy it. It's like, is it controlling? Or is it like a nice gift?
Starting point is 00:27:10 To say no, no, use your special glass. No. You're just controlling the way you said it as well, Carkey. No, no. No, no, there's some red flags here, actually. No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:27:21 No. No. No. No. No. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like don't give it to the plants, the plants are getting waterlogged. It's a point glass, start the day drinking a pint of water. You know they do that, was it volvict that did the 14 day challenge, if you drink a bottle of volvict every single day, you'll feel your life turning around or the people who hate you won't hate you anymore,
Starting point is 00:27:48 all that kind of stuff. But it's actually better. It's like the equivalent of an energy drink in the morning having a pint of water first thing someone told me once. It was Mr. Volvick. LAUGHTER Also, like the other thing is that what we'll do in the morning if we haven't drunk our water of which we have sure one glass each top no big deal.
Starting point is 00:28:10 Wow. I mean don't hate me. Sorry, can I just start a panic? It's everything okay in your relationship. This is exactly the glasses thing that that seems like a worry. Starts with separate glasses. You should be separate lives. But what we'll do is we'll pour it into the kettle in the morning and make it into
Starting point is 00:28:27 teeth. Lovely. You're boiling it, so yeah, of course, it's got that work perfectly. That's good. This is it. These pour, these pour cactuses that are getting too much air water. Yeah, just give it back to yourself. Can I just request that when you do that, you could say, come come on use your tea water nice like we'd be nice to say that, can I also flag up this whole he has to empty all the cups before he turns his d humidity fire on that's not a thing is it imagine it's gonna be getting a bit of that, but I don't think at the expense of anything else.
Starting point is 00:29:07 If you've got a fucking goldfish, it's not like, oh I better not turn my D.H.U.M.I.R. on. I'll solve Kill, all Johnny Gills or whatever. And then T.Tank with a, well looks like a Sandra tomato at the bottom. No, D.H.U.M.I.R. I mean it will eventually, won't it? We'll over time. No, do you minify this job? It takes water out of air.
Starting point is 00:29:31 It brings the air in and blows the air out. And as it does, it takes the... It doesn't suck fucking water out of a glass. Otherwise it will spill you. The body's like, what is it? 70% water? It all dies! 90% water, yeah, currently, yeah. It's just like a... I'll do bite's crossbow.
Starting point is 00:29:51 If I ring my hands, water comes out as mass. But I think that, like I think he's slightly misinterpreting the strength or the actual feature of a dehumidifier on it does. I love that though, it feels like, you know, like a couple's argument where he's gone, you have to move those cups and she's like, well no, it's fine, they're there, they're not hurting anyone. He's like the fucking, and then the first thing he saw was the dehumidifier. He was like, did a dehumid, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did he, did That's not how you... You minifigure that, so as you want that mate. That's not how you say you're parched.
Starting point is 00:30:46 That's not how you say you're parched. That's not how you say you're parched. That's not how you say you're parched. That's not how you say you're parched. That's not how you say you're parched. That's not how you're... You minifigure that, so as you want that mate. That's not how you say you're parched.
Starting point is 00:31:02 That's not how you say you're parched. That's not how you're parched. That's not good beef man. This is a little on the hand. But I would say overseas in your food. The other thing you can do is overseas in the food. So, you know, the way that, like, the reason they sell crisps and peanuts in bars is to make people drink more. And often, a pub food is gonna be a bit salty because they want you know, they make
Starting point is 00:31:24 the money on the drinks. But that's what you've got to do. I'm not saying kill this person, but a little bit of extra salt, just to, you know, before you go to bed. I'm from the bigger goldfish to a slug. Sorry, Hannah, can I just check is this another red flag? Huge, huge. Who doesn't like salt though? Salts lovely, it's delicious. Hello, can I just check is this a is this another red flag? Who doesn't like salt though salt's lovely it's delicious It is delicious, but you have to be careful the more I give you the more you'll need the bedtime cup that I bought
Starting point is 00:31:58 It's like a rainy mild version of phantom thread She's just cooking for him not not poison mushrooms, just a lot of sodium. It is a good way to slowly kill someone though, I would say, is, I mean very slowly kill someone, is it? What, a dehumidifier? A lot of salt. Crank up the dehumidifier, just wake up next to a sarcophagus. Just wake up next to your mum and just completely, stupidity point of moisture. I think we're just written an episode of Mr. Mimmerd, is that somehow? It's not like that.
Starting point is 00:32:34 Definitely. Well anyway. Take your pick out of those, but most of them drink more water. Drink, have a nice morning drink, the end. Beefself. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Beer from the sun and I get beef! Beefself!
Starting point is 00:32:48 Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. In select theaters, December 15th.
Starting point is 00:33:08 So this is Harry Beef from John via Beef Brothers Podcast at gmail.com. Use the email. Please do. Now thank you. This is important that people do this, you know? Hey, join the Patreon, really, do all the stuff that they toast to.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Thank you Hannah. Take a fan of the crappies legacy. In brackets, even gave that they chose to do. Thank you Hannah. Dig a fan of crappy's legacy. In brackets, even gave bad alts to try. Right, got it. Wow, wow. Wow. Wow. First thing, legacy suggests we're dead.
Starting point is 00:33:34 And secondly, even gave bad alts to try, it doesn't mean it's not like watched it and enjoyed it. It's like watched half an episode, couldn't stomach it, but I love you guys. Anyway, thanks so much mate. Two ellipses after that as well. So, couldn't bring us out to write a third. Brute, brutal.
Starting point is 00:33:55 But first time writer, I'm writing in with a hairy beef. I live in NYC and have worked on Wall Street for a few years now. Ooh, fancy now. Which I'm sure gives you an idea of my mostly type A, particular personality. I don't know personality types by number, but I'm guessing A for alpha.
Starting point is 00:34:18 I thought it was alcoholic, but that is not it. I mean also Wall Street, it could be, yeah. Do you know what, I googled it, I did Google it because when I was reading this earlier, I thought, I don't know what that means. And I'm absolutely, I did throw you guys under the bus to just be like, I wonder if any of them know, but it just means basically work a holic, I think, that kind of thing. Oh, I know. High achieving, I think.
Starting point is 00:34:38 Guilty as charged. Yeah. That's my type of degree. There's a reason I didn't know what that meant. And my roommate was also in a similar line of work when we started living together. That's my type of the grue. There's a reason I didn't know what that meant. LAUGHTER And my roommate was also in a similar line of work when we started living together. But the work from home quarantine life convinced him
Starting point is 00:34:53 to hang up the tie and enroll in culinary school. Oh, good for him. No better time to get into hospitality than the middle of a pandemic. LAUGHTER While living with a chef has a number of perks, a fridge full of unique foods, restaurant recommendations and hopefully discounts at the Michelin Star restaurant he will work out after graduating, having a culinary roommate may not be all it's cracked up to. Since starting school there have been some changes to his look in the embrace of his inner guy Fieri, including the addition of 35 pounds, it's not fat shame guy,
Starting point is 00:35:29 donning non-slip shoes in public, okay this guy's prickly, not gonna fat shame but we will shoe shame, smelling like garlic and trading in the high and tight gel haircut for a man bun. Oh, okay. Alright, I feel like he's put those details in. I'm not sure they're going to have any relation to what he's going to, you know, the actual beef itself, but just to kind of create an image in our minds of a person we might not like. I like Guy Fieri. I mean, he doesn't have a man bun.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Guy Fieri, I think, the main thing I think of when I see the thing of Guy Fieri is the, he's got like kind of frosted tips, doesn't he? He's got that full-of-year tip, yeah. And a shirt, a black shirt with like red flames licking up towards his chest. And if he's gone for either of those things, I would have been all in on your room, though.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Where am I going to have seen Guy Fieri? Dinos drivers and dives That's it. That's his show. Yeah, yeah, and I always wonder because he's like Guy Fieri But he always pronounce it Guy Fieri and I'm always like Guy Fieri Guy Fieri and I'm all and I don't know so I went with it because I wanted people to subconsciously know that I watch that every fucking night of dinosaurs. Does he not pronounce it like that because he's normally got like half a chicken wing in his mouth. He's halfway through a corn dog and he can't be bothered to announce his own name.
Starting point is 00:37:00 Is he a chef? Yes. Yeah. Is he a chef? Yes. Yeah, and he goes and just like basically, basically if you want to watch, like, cheese melting watch that show because that's all it is, it's just lots of cheese. It's a bit man versus food, isn't it? But less, less kind of, watch me eat and load the stuff.
Starting point is 00:37:19 Yeah, it's on like after man versus food on the food network about midnight. But really into it. So John goes on to say this is all well and good but the accompanying lifestyle adjustments are starting to clash with my uptight personality. So type A obviously means uptight as well. A constant collection of dishes in the sink apparently chefs are too good to do their own dishes. Random foods rotting in the fridge and the worst of all long hair left in the Shama
Starting point is 00:37:50 drain. So this is where the man bun comes in. Oh yeah, it was wrong, it was wrong. Yeah, while he might not mind standing in two inches of water while showering or the bath tub walls getting discolored due to the clogged drain pulling out wards of someone else's hair balls and bracket and whatever else is hiding in them. It's starting to drive me mad capital letters. I've tried the immediate reminders, nice passive aggressive comments and texts, and immediate reminders, nice, passive aggressive comments and texts, but I've resulted to leaving his hair remnants visibly on the shelf he stores his bathing
Starting point is 00:38:28 supplies as hopefully a more salient example of my frustrations. Off. To his... I love that, like it's kind of a, I don't know, like an animal he's killed that he's kind of made to a wall. He's just... Just gabbin'. I mean, Mal... Other people... Someone else's hair is a tough thing to have to deal with.
Starting point is 00:38:48 Oh yeah. And someone else's wet hair is, and like I have to deal with the wet hair of the one I love, I know, it's a struggle. So it's a deal which one is that? I should blow dry my hair before I come to bed, really. That's what she's doing. You need to be... It's a deep metaphor. You need to because it's so big wet like the rest of you.
Starting point is 00:39:19 John finishes this to say to his credit he has got significantly better over the past few months, but shorter showering with him to ensure he removes his balls of hair after every... It's as though it's all going. Well, I feel that we're all Edward Susser-handing the bun in the middle of the night, which I'm assuming means cut off. I don't know. I'm running out of ideas. That is why I came to you Papi's brothers and Professor Corsham for those of us who live with otherwise awesome long-haired flatmates. What can I do to save my drain and my brain? Right Hannah, you've got lengthy hair. What's your partner rocking? I skim biscuit, he skimbed nothing on top. So there's no way you can go, oh this is yours, this might be yours, it's always going to be yours.
Starting point is 00:40:16 I love the phrase skim biscuit. I've heard it before, I love it. It's horrible, isn't it? It's... and quite hurtful so I don't know. Do you want to be credited as a non? We can do that. Yeah, you can. Can you put this episode out as a non? Thank you. Or I could do more things now. No, yeah, the way I deal with it is,
Starting point is 00:40:43 but I quite like this is a bit disgusting really, is that I quite like sort of going into the drain after my hair and pulling it out and getting a big bit. I quite like that, I find that quite satisfying. Satisfied. Yeah, it's a bit like, I do as well. Dr. Pimple Popper, but with your own hair with bits of conditioner in it, it stinks as well, but it's quite fun. Yeah, I agree with your own hair with bits of conditioner in it, it stinks as well but it's quite fun.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Yeah, I agree with your own hair and I remember, I still remember it back in the day, but someone else is hair. It's like smelling, you know, it's like smelling farts and stuff like that, when it's your own there's a real satisfaction to it, but when it's someone else's hair, it's's hair, it feels like something from a horror film, it feels like it could clamp you on the wrist and come all the way up your body and take over you. But here's the situation I'm in, we both have long hair, Charlie has long hair and I have long hair, so when I'm pulling it out, it's like something that we made together.
Starting point is 00:41:41 It's quite a lot of length. I'm actually quite moved to tears when I see what we've done. That sounds more like a horror film than what Thomas described to be honest. Your hair child. Yeah, Charlie, we've made another baby. Oh, no. I've made another bath baby. But yeah, no, I totally get it.
Starting point is 00:41:59 If it was somebody else's and especially somebody else's who is your flatmate, there's no reason for you to put it out. Now, is there a very simple solution to this with one of those little sivs that you stick into your plug hole? Is that, I mean, that can't purely be a British thing. They must exist in the United States of America as well. Surely. And surely it made their way all the way to NYC, the Big Apple. But a little, the little say that you can put them in your sink in the kitchen or in the bathroom and it catches all the detritors before it has to clog, is to stop the pipes from clogging up really, isn't it? It catches all the detritors And then you've got a lovely little bowl that you can carry by the rim
Starting point is 00:42:46 and popping a pan, a little bit of oil, a little bit of chilli, a bit of garlic, a little salt. Yeah, plenty of salt. And it's a real, a little bit of... Guy, I've got a slightly more sophisticated solution if you want to. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's nice. He's finally in aristocrats.
Starting point is 00:43:07 You send a number of people as customers to whatever establishment he started shefing at and get them to leave a number of complaints about finding hair in the food and he will start to get complaints through work, completely separate from you, that clearly he's not managing his this man burn hair situation. No matter something's happening and he'll be because it will threaten his sheathdom, his nude passion in life, it'll be a matter of weeks, he'll have shaved it off. You're forcing him into skin biscuit. Skin biscuit. And I've got full skin biscuit.
Starting point is 00:43:49 He's got to go skin biscuit. Oh mate, that's good. It's not really not a choice you make for yourself, Lance. So, is that, surely that's more red flag than buying someone a glass, right? Do you know what? So far, like the invite you guys get? They're not in a relationship are they? You can't gas like people you're not in a relationship with parties and by the way
Starting point is 00:44:12 I think you're nuts. For even suggesting that. So I think you know that's that's kind of like that that could be an angle to go at. Here's the thing, he's still at school though, isn't he? You've got to play out that time until he gets a proper job. Are we not going to have our poor friend John going insane before that happens? Can you complain about it in the house?
Starting point is 00:44:40 Can you say look, I'm finding it in the food elsewhere. Does that? I had another idea. Yeah, go on, go on. You know, like in train spotting when Renton is going cold turkey and the baby walks across the ceiling. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:56 You could do like a little puppet that's like a little man bun puppet and start appearing to him at night as like a vision and like and like he gets scared by this kind of like man bun thing that's in his room that talks to him. Of course it's easy to do drain and blocker. Yeah I mean I guess that we could go that way but but there's also like the man bun puppet rings. Come on. And you have like this little man bun character, you know, like a Mr. Man bun type thing.
Starting point is 00:45:32 And you kind of drip feed into his, you know, like, like, into subconscious. Here's the thing that he's too freaked out by the thing that's on his head. Sometimes you like Mr. Man bun, but I'm going on his head. I like Mr. Man bun. I like Mr. Man bun but here's the thing. Sometimes when you have a dream about someone, you wake up and you think you're fancy them. What? This happens to his man bun.
Starting point is 00:45:56 What if he sees the man bun in his dreams and starts thinking actually, maybe I'm in love with my own man bun? Yeah, and it'll grow it long enough that you can fuck it, I guess. I know a lot about men. This is the problem. If what you don't want is a man. I guess fucking is own man bun.
Starting point is 00:46:11 That's the man bun. But Mr. Man bun will have to, you know, he could say some fucked up shit to him, couldn't he? Maybe he loves bad boys. Maybe he loves bad boys. I don't know. These New Yorkers, they're crazy. That's really cool. Are you even a kind of voodoo doll kind of way, Tom Light, in the sense that maybe every time you pull the hair, it kind of like pulls his hair, because that could...
Starting point is 00:46:32 I mean, I was a bar, I do like this route. It's a bit more New Orleans than New York, but I'm happy to go down to the bay of baby. Because actually my only other suggestion was polyjuice potion. What's polyjuice potion? It's a Harry Potter reference where you can turn into somebody if you have a strand of their hair and you put it in the polyjuice potion. So what you can do is you do that and then you appear to him as him and as himself in the shower. You get into it, you get into the shower with him. He can finally fuck his own man.
Starting point is 00:47:15 We're getting into parry time, Traveler's wife here. Parry juice potion. Now what you do with the apologies potion is you'd replace his mirror and then you kind of marks brothers Pretend to be his reflection until he can't really work out which ones leading who and then you kind of go to the scissors And he's like oh, I'm going to the scissors now and then suddenly Then skim biscuit skim biscuit that motherfucker you can't see the silly skin biscuits No expected that to be the solution, but beef sold The We were all expected it was gonna be the little safe
Starting point is 00:48:01 Your marks your brothers till skin biscuits Not the little sea. You marks your brother's til skin biscuits. LAUGHTER I can't believe that is the fourth time we've used that solver beef. We've used the catch all, isn't it? In the same way that we've got to stop saying, just break up with them. We've got to stop saying, Mark's brother's til your skin biscuits.
Starting point is 00:48:21 LAUGHTER Clarky. Here we go. This is a beef with my parents from Daniel via beef brothers at Gmail.com. Please do get in touch. Greetings Tom, Bent, Matthew and Corsum. I have a beef. I have a beef. I have a beef with my parents. Whenever they finish using a tea towel, they just leave it bunched up on the side, whereas I like to hang it over the other hand or classic. Given that I only move back in because of the pandemic, while I sought something else out, am I entitled to complain or should I just accept it? Cheers everyone, bye! Daniel!
Starting point is 00:49:04 Well Clarky would obviously suggest, I've bought you a special tea towel. Buy your own special tea towel, you can put that one on the counter, put the special tea towel on the counter. Wow, I would have suggested that, but of course now I'm going to suggest not, not, but I'm still, you're just kidding me. I'm much hair of your parents got, let's get into this. I'm sorry. Some Hano is someone who by your own admission doesn't mind a little bit of S. What do you like
Starting point is 00:49:38 with the tea towel? Is that on the counter? Is that on the floor? Where are you keeping your tea towels? I maybe throw it over my bra, it's what I do. LAUGHTER I'm kind of like, I'm, yeah, I'm just anyway. No, we do have a little hook, we have a little sort of like a little hook for tea towels. And I like, I'm sure, I like them to be on there. So, I do understand, but also, like, the thing is, when you're a child and you live with your parents,
Starting point is 00:50:06 I think you can say, oh, mum, this is your home, but when you're an adult and you've moved back in, I'm sorry Daniel, but I feel like if they wanted to make love in the living room, you'd have to fucking deal with it. It's their house now, right? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You're, I mean, you're their son. It's some of it You're a larger. So let your parents fucking the living room, dude. Why do you have a problem with it, Daniel? My God.
Starting point is 00:50:32 To be honest, if they were fucking in the living room, he'd be a little less bothered about the tea towels, all right? Beef's soft, and I don't get to say that. No, no, no, no. This time you can. Beef's soft, love it. Beef's soft. I'm not a son of a vegan beef. Beef's soft. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm just very messy.
Starting point is 00:51:09 But yeah, there was a mouse and it arrived in my flat through, I was on the toilet and no, you didn't come out of your body, did it? Please tell me. I mean, I don't, I can't remember. I was drunk, I had had something to drink, and I was on the toilet, and just having a wee, minding my own business, when, yeah, this mouse ran from behind my legs, so... Awful.
Starting point is 00:51:41 On later discovery, I realised that there was a hole behind the toilet where the sort of thing goes So this mouse runs in I absolutely freak out. I've got my trousers real man cool So I run out of the room forgetting that I have my trousers around man cool And I fall over do a sort of flip mid air arse out And Toby's in the other room and he just looks over sees me do this Gets up and then just sees this mouse run across me and into the kitchen and away. Literally, I have a thing it's called turf toe, it's a thing that NFL players get and
Starting point is 00:52:13 also women who trip over mice. And I genuinely like fucked my fur from this side. Oh, what did I do? What did I do? What is it made? It's like NFL plays, it's sort of when you push your toe back far enough and it never really recovers. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:52:30 So you can wear those little turned up slippers that Pixie's wear? Which is my plan on low-level. Always, you're working on it too, exactly, that's your dream. Just to talk for Christmas. I had to go to a podiatrist who told me I had to buy these particular trainers because they were better for support for my feet. And then when I got the trainers, it said on the box, only the best for the athlete. It's all fucking random. You don't know me.
Starting point is 00:52:56 But my beef is with having a mouse. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you still got the mouse? I haven't seen it for a while, so I'm not sure it is an ongoing beef. Well, I'm also, when you've made such a spectacular entrance, he's probably, he probably knows it's quite hard to top that incident, like to come straight out whilst you're having a piece,
Starting point is 00:53:21 make you fall over with your ass out, run over top of you and give you turf toe. I guess it's kind of like a difficult second album syndrome. I think we're all over the other mice that are going to be holding up tens after that. This is it. When all the mice get together at the end of each day and go, what did you do today? Oh, you know, housewife on chair, that kind of stuff. It's all kind of sort of standard fare. housewife on chair, that kind of stuff. It's all kind of sort of standard fare. When he gets to say, yeah, arse over tit, arse out, turf toe.
Starting point is 00:53:51 I mean, he's basically. Arse out turf toe, basically. I think they would make him an honorary rat. They sort of, they are crazy, they go, you know what, mate, you're no longer a mouse. You're too good for us. Exactly, you are, you're a rat.
Starting point is 00:54:07 It's a tricky one. I would say, do you... I mean, I guess a question is, how can you exert some kind of revenge? Oh, nice. I like that guy. That guy caught you ass out, turf toe. How can you twist the tables and get something back
Starting point is 00:54:27 even worse on that mouse? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I'm just thinking, he's got him shaved mouse. I don't have to say it, but a shaved mouse is a humiliated mouse, isn't it? Yeah, there's no way. So basically, pinger because the day was born, no way has he been speaking to me? because the day was born, no way, as he'd been.
Starting point is 00:54:45 He's cock at the moment that, mate. He's cock at the side, he's walking along the side boards, like he fucking owns the joint. You shave that, mate. Then let's see how cocky he is. It's good. Beef solved. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:00 Ha ha ha ha. All right, I am, the other thing as well. If you've got a mouse, get a cat. Oh nice. There was a period because there's various reasons why mice can come into your house. If next doors are having work done or doing anything like that, or if you have the flats have moved out and they've got nowhere else to hide, they'll just come into the nearest place.
Starting point is 00:55:29 So we had works being done next door and I had a load of boxes in my garage that I moved. And as soon as you move your boxes, that's it. All the cheese. Oh my cheese boxes. Yes. They were dairy-dunkables. I'll say that much.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Oh my cheese boxes. Yeah. Yeah, cheese boxes. Oh, how much is in the garage? In the box, sure. But that was a wild, like, four-get-hour period when I think Cosmo killed about, sort of, 10 or 11 mice. Oh, my God. Or she would just break their back
Starting point is 00:55:59 and I'd stick him in a tubware and chuck him out into the... Cosmo's your wife, right? Cosmo's your wife, Cosmo's your wife. Cosmo's your wife, right? Cosmine's your wife, right? Cosmine's your wife, right? Cosmine's your wife, right? He's saying like a WWF tag team, you just the old backbreaker, you get the topwear. You get the backbreaker, he's the topwear.
Starting point is 00:56:15 He's the top-aware. The top-aware. But yeah, half the top-aware book. Yeah. That's the one, yeah. I don't mind it. But yeah, the cat will bring you a lot of pleasure. And also, if it's a good mouse, then you'll never see him again.
Starting point is 00:56:37 Always good. But also, you know what, if you're living in a house that was built any time, you know, basically in the last, you know, it's older than about 70 years old. It's just giving me mice in it. It's just what happens, you know, we just have to kind of, we have to kind of co-exist. I'm not killing the mice. I definitely don't live in a new build, definitely. Yeah. We've seen it. Right, okay. Yeah. I was just going to go. No, but apparently these mice were here before we... I mean, we have been here for five years, but they've gone... It's got to be right.
Starting point is 00:57:11 Yeah, on and off over the years, there's been like a couple of sightings and everyone in the flats. Also, but I thought that mice only went somewhere that's very clean, but then I realised that's what you tell children that have nits, right? You say they only like clean hair. Yeah. That's not used to do with have nits, right? You say they only like clean hair. That's not used to do with my stuff. No, my love filth.
Starting point is 00:57:28 And you've played right into their tiny little grubby paws. LAUGHTER I'm going to shave all the f**kers, I'm going to get them all the way. That's what you want to do though, is you want to find their little Tom and Jerry style hole in the skirting board and just have a razor above it, just set it on. You know, like, just have a razor just there. So the second they run out, they'll just, boom, like a Tom and Jerry cartoon,
Starting point is 00:57:54 just giving the old inverse mohawk and... Or like Peaky Blinders, get a flat cap and have a razor blade sewn in and then anytime you see them just Looking for a reason to wear a flat cap around the flat What's the perfect place to wear one and me so I want for your high-pitched for your husband as well Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Thank you for having me on, I've learned a lot. It's been a, I guess that's different to,
Starting point is 00:58:33 I've enjoyed myself. Oh yeah, yeah. Specifically word of octave. Often when someone else has been on someone else's podcast, they will retweet the tweet about the podcast and have this was so much fun. But I would like for you and we tweet about this to go, I learned a lot and then the emoji of your choice.
Starting point is 00:58:54 Three red flags. Three red flags. Three red flags. Three red flags. Do you know how many two Thomas has actually been fine so far? That was just two red flags. I can't wait for that. I can't wait for that.
Starting point is 00:59:04 That is still time. You know what, that is a first, by the way, that you know what, you do a bad with Tom's fight. But yeah, thank you so much for coming on. Where can people find your work, where can people see what you're about, where can people listen to your podcast, tell people. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:21 And what I do at podcast called drunk women's solving crime, which is exactly what it sounds like, it's true crime, and we have a guest on every week. There's three of us, just like you, but three ladies. And we have women on, every week we've had Ricky Lacon, we've had Catherine Ryan, we've had Jenny Claire. We've basically, if there are female comedians, they've probably been on Drunk Women Solving Crime. Basically, if they're a female comedian, they've probably been on drunk women, solving crime.
Starting point is 00:59:47 So yeah, find us on just everywhere you get your podcasts and that. Or come to the live show because we can do those now, which is great. Well, check that out wherever you get your podcasts and if you're watching Paddington or Waffle the Wonder Dog, look out, because I, I mean, it's mad how much of that stuff I'm watching it now that I've got a two and a half year old. It's mad how much I'm going, oh that was so
Starting point is 01:00:10 stupid, but you had a, that was my poor doula, no, you wrote an episode of Waffle, didn't you, Parry? I wrote one episode, I was in a series one, got one episode out and I thought, here we go, this is, this is going to be the gift that keeps on giving and they never, never got, they never got back in touch. But I think it's my mistake. He's my mistake. He's my mistake.
Starting point is 01:00:33 I went to the kind of briefing day and they were chatting away about the show and blah, blah, blah. And you're supposed to listen and make notes and then two weeks later submit your first script. And I submit my first script and they said, we like like it we've got maybe one big issue with it which is that Waffle never speaks in it. He just says woof and I was like Yeah, yeah We come with that quite expensive little doubt and I was like, poor old Griffiths how this
Starting point is 01:01:05 going, what's the security send me? I'm a bit wolf and so I think they realised that I've maybe hadn't been paid full attention on the writing day because I was completely blindsided by the fact that he was a talking dog. I gave him Salilla queues, like I really like. I love so much, but you did that one episode where you know when Doc Cotton just did the was a talking dog. I gave him Salilla Queens. I really liked it. I love so much. You did that one episode where you know when Doc Cotton just did the entire episode
Starting point is 01:01:29 herself, that was waffle, just wandering around the house, the family have gone out and he's just looking back over his life. The trouble has happened in the table, yeah. You're all so... Where's my version of that? Was he just had a piss against the man? Yeah, I did. And it threw a bag of chalk, I mean, I don't know. I didn't realise, it really threw me for a loop.
Starting point is 01:01:54 So I got to realise the right it was on the wall. Yeah. What falls very evocative of a real dog? I've never done that. Oh great. No, no, no, no, that's the problem. very evocative of a real dog. Have a lot of... Oh great. No, no, no, that's the problem. Was the matter too real for you?
Starting point is 01:02:11 You're from the starting of your beef! What a treat. What a treat it was, yeah. What a fun treat it was. It really was. A lovely, like... A beast there. A lovely, lovely beast. I felt the low beasts there. I love the low beasts.
Starting point is 01:02:29 I felt like that episode was laden with potential new catch phrases. It was little. Oh yeah. Linguistically it felt very fun. It was great. It's a shame we won't remember any of them. It's the sad thing. Well I think you've forgotten them already.
Starting point is 01:02:40 Mark's brothers into skin biscuit. I think that's, that's gonna go down for that that's one for the ages Thank you for listing everybody again. Don't forget to send us your beef's beef brothers podcasts at gmail.com Christmas beef, especially if you've got any festive beefs send them in also join the Patreon If you love Hannah George and why wouldn't you if you love that episode We've got a whole other bonus beef with her over our Patreon Dropping in a day and a half time so we drop some absolute bombshells about boy bands Yeah, some real home truths about boy bands. So if you're a fan of boy bands join the Patreon
Starting point is 01:03:19 We are kind of comedy's equivalent of a boy of comedy's equivalent of a boy guess. I guess we are, yeah. In an hour words, but I guess we are. And ever ageing, not our words, Tom's words, not our collective words. We don't all endorse that sentiment, but Tom does. But yeah, an ever ageing boy band, but thank you for ageing along with us.
Starting point is 01:03:37 This has been a fun one to record and hop over to the Patreon if you want even more fun. Forquid a month, and you can get over 200 hours worth of extra bonus content. You get it immediately. You don't have to listen to it all. 200 hours. That's a long beast. It's absolutely amazing. It's a long beast and I'm a steak.
Starting point is 01:04:02 All right, well, as always an absolute pleasure. Yeah. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corshin. Corshin! Corshin! Corshin! Corshin! Cheers everyone!
Starting point is 01:04:13 Bye! Bye! Bye! Don't forget be full as podcast at gmail.com or as pn if any might put it. Send us your beef, your whining fox. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Get, send us your beef, you whining fox! Thanks for watching!

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