Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Josh Widdicombe S9E12

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Josh WiddicombeJosh Widdicombe - https://twitter.com/joshwiddicombePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew, we are P are puppies and welcome to another episode of Papi's flat share beef brothers, Covecats. Bang bang bang bang. B-B-C-C. B-B-C-C. Yes. This is a very exciting episode. We have an excellent guest in our good friend the wonderful comedian Mr. Josh Widdickham. A lot. An absolute treat. What a beat. We whip cracked away through some excellent beefs.

If you have a beef, please get in touch with us and we will be able to feature that beef in one of our podcasts. Yes, email us at beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com and we will try to solve your beef if we can. Yes, also, there's a tearware if you support us on Patreon. We will be handling your beef. So don't be afraid, that is guaranteed. So check us out on Patreon, it's Patreon, forward slash, Pappy Slatshare, but you'll be able to find us, I'm sure.

And follow us on Twitter, at Pappy's tweet, and let's crack on with the episodes. Let's do it, you guys. Well, if you've got a problem, don't call it a problem, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. If you've got a problem, call it a B. If you've got a B, maybe we can help you be from the zoning at your B. All right. Well, our guest this week on Beef Brothers Cold Cuts is Josh Whitakum. Hello. Hi, how you doing? I'm very good. Very good. Thanks for coming in. I know our last time was in a bit of a medical low. Yeah, what you don't realise is that Josh was supposed to be on the show a few weeks ago, but didn't make it and dropped out. Didn't make it, sadly. He didn't make it into the ghost of Josh Wilikam. He passed away.

A medical low. I ended up in the hospital with my asthma, so... Oh no! Would have been a very breathy podcast. Yes. Would have sounded like you were making a news and it's cool. Exactly. I was on the roads for five days, couldn't sleep. I was wondering why you look so buff

Yeah And also it's not It's really it's sorted out your physique but your your rages. Oh, I've got to say you know what this cut me up in traffic Oh, I the Uber that I'm in What kind of a flatmate are you are Are you the sort of, are you a... Is he going? Are you... I wouldn't say I'm easy to go. Well, since the Royads, obviously.

LAUGHTER And I've done just my Royads they hear about it. I had a similar role in university. LAUGHTER I had a two-shot-port diet. Yeah, I had a Gemolo's queue. Yeah, yeah. Did indeed the capsules.

Hey, I had six capsules in my university house left. And... So we took your ask. Suppositories, here, in the dump. Yeah, I had a Gemolo, a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, One had gone missing, I went and there was five and I hadn't had to call like a house meeting at Union be like, as someone with my spositories and one of my housemates was like, yeah I just wanted to know what they'd feel like. So they just kind of popped one up there. Wow, how big was your house? Just like you rosted. I mean, it was just that house.

There was five of us, the gang. Wow. Yeah. House meeting, I've never been in Vieta House meeting. House meeting to see who's at my suppository. Because you're not of contact with them all individually. I wanted to make a scene. La Pauro.

LAUGHTER It really was. You had the mall sat down. You were walking around us. Well, you were sort of living in the back of your ass. LAUGHTER Just waiting for one of them to go off. LAUGHTER I was at a to house mate, yes.

Yeah, no, I think I'm tidy, I'm definitely tidy and I'm kind of organised. But yeah. Are you two organised though? Do you know what I mean? Well, I mean that's... Do you live and let live? Do I live and let live? Yeah.

Basically Tom is asking, are you anal? And if so, how can you, one of his supporters? I'd find Messe Noir. Okay. I could live with Clarky. I imagine how he lives. Ah, how? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What Clarky has the impression of a scruffy guy, just because that's sort of how he lives. Because I've got kind of long hair, I think. Yeah, I've got a little scruffy. And my flat's always, your flat is a spotless. Whereas Paris flat. Oh, I've got a little fluffy. My flat is always... Your flat is a spotless. Where is Paris flat? Oh, I've been there.

Lot more messy, isn't it? Lot more sort of... A lot more line on messy. Lot more line on messy. Um... I mean, it's no surprise on the Paris front, I'd say. We've changed since we've grown up. We were both quite messy when we and Tom were living together.

That was a loud slap on that T-Mobile. I was weird because somehow I've never done this before, okay, this situation, where the handle was under my chin. So it had to slap because I can probably get the angle I need it. That's the kind of flat that you are. Yeah, amazing that you've got this far without ever having the handle on the chin. I've never done that on the chin. What a first to have live dear listener live exclusive Winickham's gone

Conch in handle It feels like a way to cure hiccups, doesn't it? Drink tea with the hand-runs of the tea. Has it cured your asthma? So should we crack on with the first Now that we know what kind of housemate you? I don't think we ever answered the question properly, but to, shall we crack on with the first, now that we know what kind of housemate you are, I don't think we ever answered the question properly, but nevertheless, let's crack on with the first beef that you have sent to us at beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com.

Let's get into this beef. Josh, who is this from, and remember, front name's only? Mike. This is Mike, who sent this. Nice, strong front name. 4.20am. So, it's really playing on his mind. Oh my god.

And the day after my birthday. 4.20am. Is's really playing on his mind. Oh my god and the day after my birthday 4.20 am is he sending it from abroad? Yeah. Oh okay, fair enough right? I mean 4.20 are time. I'm less he's just a big fan of blazing and gets up but 4.20 in the morning to fire up a fattening. Well exactly in Oregon it's probably. I'm really scared this. Well, 420 is the time, isn't it? I was thinking staying up late, if it was caring after. 420, the only reason I'm purely going off the fort, guys, you're clearly not as cool as I am. You're clearly not that bad, the 420.

You clearly don't think the heaven is a half-bite. I'm Oregon, so this was probably about 820 in the evening. So I don't know why I'm so obsessed at the time. Anyway, if it pleases the court, I'd like to allow to beef that is brewing in my house. I live with my two best friends. One of them, let's call him Keegan, doesn't help with the housework at all. Easy Keegan.

Yeah. His position is that he is rarely home and never cooks, so the mess isn't his responsibility. However, when he is home, he leaves fast food bags and energy drink cans, strewn about the living room. He really paints a picture of someone that they drink energy drinks. I immediately make a call on someone nowadays. If I see them with a can of monster, I'm totally, yeah, they're 16. That would be my feet. Yeah, also, you don't need that volume of anything.

It's the monster cans are absolutely huge. Beer, yes. Okay, but if I saw some with a can of beer, is monster our beer? Is it a generational thing? I've never tried a monster. I've, yeah, me and Tom went to a stage of kind of doing it half as a joke on long journeys.

We're like, yeah, I got you a monster. And we're like, we'd sit up front in the car when we were on tour. We're like, yeah, monster. She'd be a properly. And then we'd have a row. Literally turn it into. And we'd be like, cross me, get a board of the monsters. And he was like, no, why would they do that to me?

I've still got one in my boots. I've got one in my fridge that I've had for about two years. What's the name of this stuff? Just, just, just a pure engine. Just sugar. It's just like gross sugar stuff. I feel like a sort of sweeter red bull. Is that fair to say?

You know, like those, you know, those like light blue plastic bags you get from a new stage, like for an offie. It feels like if you melted a load of that. That's how it tastes. It's going to taste like that in liquid form. If you drank that plastic bag. Oh, that makes sense?

Yeah. The one that I've got in my boot is sponsored by Lewis Hamilton. It's like Lewis Hamilton monster. Really? Yeah. Does he need the money? I mean, he's taking it. That's very rough.

What's his suggestion? He's got all straight to the channel islands. Yeah, but he lives. Sorry, I have really hate Louis Elmer. Yeah, he's got... There's not many people who like Louis Hamilton, right? No. I think he's awful.

He's an unpopular guy. And I try to like him. But then every so often he'll tweet, he'll be sat at his grand piano and he'll be like, peace and love. And like, that's... That's you gotta come on, mate. I think you're following Paul McCartney. I'm thinking of Paul McCartney, so I always go,

that's quite confusing. Right, his position is that he's rarely home, never cooks, he leaves fast food bags and energy cans, strewn over the living room, strewn, strewn, he's painting a picture here. That may be in the other room, mate, let's call him Scott, have to pick up the following day.

By the way, do we think Scott and Keegan are their real names? I think so. Mike's such a dude. Yeah. He's been blazing. He's too hard to use false names to be clear. Scott and I clean the entire house twice a week. Twice a week, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good. We're also not exceptionally messy people either. Our bedrooms are always spotless while some other roommates who will not be called out to name. Okay, it's Keegan. Error on the messier side. So here's my question. Am I right to be frustrated that Keegan never picks up after himself? Or is he right? Is mess isn't big enough to be considered a nuisance? I look forward to hearing your ruling, Mike from Oregon. Well, this one feels quite open and shut close, be it case? It does feel like an open and shut close, I feel like we're getting quite a skewed perspective from Mike there. What we are asking

now is that Keegan email in and give us his side of things. Are you put yourself put yourself in Keegan shoes, Clark? Because we don't have Keegan obviously to email us in now. I'll be Keegan. You be Keegan. What's your counterpoint, Keegan? I've had a long day. It's been, I've had a long day. One of the problems with your long days, your length thing about having an energy ring. Yeah, it's been up since 4 You tell me Mike's got a long day. He's been up since 420. Thank you, that isn't Keegan. Keegan doesn't go, I've had a long day.

Picture this, we're in Oregon, guys. Already very cool. Keegan, Scott, Mike. This is like a grown house. This is like what they called those frat mocks. I don't think it's a frat boy party house. None of these guys are wearing sleeves. Keegan certainly isn't wearing sleeves.

I tell you what, they're listing to a lot of brand van 3000. Keegan's been, he's been juicing, right? He's at the gym, he's had his monsters in. Keegan's probably roided up as much as Whitacomix. Keegan is roided to the teeth, right? He's not, I've had a long day, he's like, guys.

That's Keegan in the face. Guys, guys, the days there for the taking guys. Scott Mike, they've hopped off this bro train. Cleaning the flap. Take it away. Yeah, keep the dung. They're doing what they mean by cleaning. So they genuinely, are they running the hoover round?

Are they getting out the flash and cleaning the surfaces? Yeah, you don't see any surface ever. I clean the surface every night before bed, the kitchen surface. Yes. You do the sweep at the end of the day. What's the sweep? Like, you partner's kind me clean the surface every night before bed the kitchen surface. Yes, you do the sweep at the end of the day What's the sweep like you partner's kind of on the way to bed and you just do the sweep You make sure everything's a bit clean and it's place and then you go to bed

Can I just very quickly interject with watching you do the sweep once? Do you remember you what I watch you do the sweep with a controversial this this is controversial because Tom right okay? We've got somebody doesn't know this story Josh is here, you can adjudicate on this one. Now, I watched Tom, there was a little bit of coffee spilled on the table. He took a tissue, blue his nose and the tissue, then used the same tissue to wipe up the coffee. I'm alright with that. Friend of the planet? Josh would have gone.

I cannot believe it. He said it's fine because it's the other side of the tissue. Yeah, so the side of the tissue. Do you know how else to be fine with that? Greta from Sweden. Oh, the young girl who's all about climate change. I should reuse the tissue, Tom. Let's not do the impression. I used to live with Tom Crane. Okay. So he was an awful flat. Front name's only police so Tom I Well, Craig I suppose because that's what I'd call him but I'm right here. I think the cats out of the bag It's time. This was pre-delivered as well. He'd get takeaways almost every night

But the the actual you know the phone up the old fan delivery He'd sit eating he'd sit cross-legged on the floor and eat them in front of the TV And in the morning. Very holistic. Yeah, in the morning. Of list-tops. Pretty cute. Very holistic.

Always a bag. Middle of the carpet. Yeah. A bag of prawn crackers with one taken out. And I'd have to throw that back in the bin every night. I've got prawn crackers the next day when they've got that little bit of gift to throw that back in the bin every night. I'm going to be like, Pro and Cracker's the next day when they've got that little bit of give to them,

that's the best Pro and Cracker. Sure you've had one before it goes in the bin. When I want a six a.m. Keegan, Scott, Mike. But you can see these boys. One living together, such a different people. Well, three years ago they were. Three years ago they were the big guys on campus.

Can I just say Tom, you're- No, Steve's Club! You are 100% right, and this is exactly the chat that you and Clark, you were having just as we were starting this show. Clarky now has decided to put his sleeves on and run a hoover around the flats. You've decided to not only tear the sleeves off but pull the entire t-shirt off and to live it all the way.

Yeah, not pick up the t-shirt. I'm keegan in it. Keegan's keegan in it. He's called Keegan. He's not. Yeah, not pegging. I'm keegan in it. Keegan's keegan in it. He's called Keegan. He's not. I tell you what, I reckon Keegan's Scott and Mike, they never used to be Keegan's Scott and Mike. He used to be Keegan. K-dog. Yeah, K-dog and the Charleston. Whatever it is. The one Charleston. They were named after rounds on Strictly, they were never finished. Pass it down, Blay.

Tango and Foxtrot. So it would be like Keegan, K-Dark and Charleston. And it'd be like, we're out on the town. No sleeves, backward caps, Scott and Mike, they've kind of decided to turn a corner in their life. They want to turn the caps the right way. Kiggins out there, he's drinking his monster drinks, he's having his fast food. Frappboy. He's Pluto from Animal Hacks, right?

Yeah. He's keeping the flag flying. I mean, he's, he's, he's, I think it's not too agree just if it's, if it's fast food and energy drinks. It's not like is, can I tell you the big cup? Can if it's fast food and energy drinks. It's not like is can I tell you that big? Can I tell you now though the smell? Fast food wrappers smell bad. Don't get me wrong but he's not having like a big frack party.

It's the Salis frack party, a one man frack party. He's probably doing that thing when you do a handstand and drink from a keg on his own. Keg a monster. He's doing it, he's doing a keg a monster having to hold's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it, he's doing it Now Josh has never had a monster. I'm going to give him a little polish. I had six butt chugs in this packet. Which one of you? What a podcast for Widdickham. It started with a handle under the chin and it finished with a can of monster straight down the butt hole.

Handle under the chin was the original... Out and John Lerix for Smith. Full Burley talk and going, Bob. That's the little part. I'm going to give it a little pause. Yes, please. You're simply on T. With a hand, a little bit of chin.

Right, so I think I will say this. It feels like this case is not an open and shut close briefcase because it's been coloured by the fact that it's American. Yes. If this was in Birmingham, we'd be like, go in. Come on, Keith. You won't be keying it, be keying. You're always keying.

And we're like, come on, Keith. Pick up your wrappers. Because it's an Oregon. Have you chosen the accent that you can do, because it's most similar to your own? Absolutely. Like, go to my audition spot. Can you do any accents? Yes, the West Midlands.

And then only like 50% of the time. Yeah. So I just percarot by off pick. The whole thing has cropped on nail that. I'd love to be here. Oh, anyway. Sorry. I'd love to be here as per car.

I think because it's American, it's colored my ruling on this. Okay. I think that's fair, that's fair, isn't it? Things are different in America. In the same way that you might go and, you know, you might listen to an American band or go and see an American film, and it's already got that little sheen of exotic. Exactly right.

Charlie sheen. Charlie sheen. But it's got that sort of sheen of exotic of being a little bit other and you get, oh yeah, already it feels exciting. Yeah. It feels like Keegan is living it, like ordinarily, if you thought, you drink in Monster Drink all day, you eat in McDonald's three times a day, you're a slob, but American, there is something quite sort of cool and three-quarter length shorts and listening to someone

for you on about it. Or the cool things. And that was bring point to it. Right, time for rulings, I think. Yes. I'm going with Keegan. You're going with Keegan. I'm going to go with Mike and his mate.

And I think they, I don't think they have to turf Keegan out, but I think they have to move out themselves. I love that. Move out the frat house and probably, you know, find a nice place together. You feel like you're ruling with Keegan there? Like, Keegan gets to stay. Keegan, Keegan, I'm not saying, I don't want to... I don't want to... I don't want to... Yeah, his dad doesn't send the money. Yeah, he's definitely... I bet your Keegan's got dreads.

Hey, Pa! You've sent me some more dollars this month and also I got a gold and a court. Wow. Oh, okay. Sure. So you're back. There's a being from Birmingham. There's a backstory to it. Why'd you go to Birmingham? Alabama. Alabama. Oh, yeah. Alabama. That's about a big one. I love justice for that.

Oh, yeah. Right. So I can, I'm ruling... I'm ruling with Mike. You're agreeing with Scott and Mike, but they've got a move. I think you've got to be the bigger man here, which is hard with the amount of McDonald's he eats. You've got to be a bigger man than Keegan and move out. Yeah. Josh, what do you say?

I think Keegan would want to move out. Can't they kind of just... I think what they need to do is sit Keegan down and tell him the situation. He's not going to sit down, he's just but chugged a can of that. He's not sitting down for a week. He could, I need to handstand him up. I'm a good talk into it. I think they need to, so if they just said to Keegan, I'll wear the highway, then Keegan would leave because he wouldn't want to be in there kind of restricted rules household.

Hit the highway on the roof of an SUV, doing a handstand. But chugging. But chugging down the roof 66. But chugging away down Route 66, Keegan, and never done. You're the voice of a generation. Clarky, because I think actually I'm gonna say,

I think I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna Josh on that because that does feel like that's the right way to go. I reckon, I reckon. Actually, can I change my view? Yeah, I agree with you. No, I'm just thinking about it. It's not a big enough reason for anyone to move. No, I think picking up, take away packaging

is the least annoying thing to tidy up. So you can just put it in a bin. Scott and Mike are going to stay in and cook to fucking beef, borg and yon. There's going to be fucking ingredients everywhere, isn't there? They're turning it up at least. Whereas Keegan is going to have a dianna from the Italian round the corner. But what time of Scott and Mike going to bed that Keegan's then rolling in? We just don't have these details.

No we don't, sorry. Scott and Mike are a pair of pussies and they're hitting Ben at 7 and a call. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You've gone so far Keegan, you've always disappeared up your own butt check. Keegan's rolling in, all hours, half a leaven, it's been chatting up the girls, he's ready to go to bed before midnight. Oh, sorry, I'm very confused. Before I... He also sounds quite... quite tame.

Well, he's not a monster. He's trying to... He's trying to... He's trying to get a lot of monsters. I think... I think... Here we go. I think, Paul, I... Here's how I picture them. I picture them in their mid to late 20s. And Keegan's living in the past. And he's trying to, he's trying to hang on to his youth. And it's the dying of the light.

And it's time for his pals to sit him down and just go a miller late. All right, we got it the first time, Tom. No, I just need one more. Of course, light. Of course, light. Philodalfeor light. It's sending Philodalfeor. I've got to change my accent.

What are you doing? Oh, you're doing. Hello, I'm from Philodalfeor. Philodalfeor, get up those stairs. I've got to mount for Philodalfeor. So go on, Clarky, we didn't let you think of it. I think it's on Keegan, but I think Mike, you've just got to talk him around and accept changes ways.

Or accept that you've moved apart as friends, you've grown apart. Yeah, moving out, moving out, also, not living together may actually help them highlight what they like about each other rather. It'll keep them different. It'll keep the no sleeves going back together. Absolutely. You've got to enjoy meeting out rather than getting annoyed at pizza boxes.

No sleeves on the weekends. Yeah. They can all go to McDonald's together. I think we solve the beef. Yeah. Beef solved. We're from the starting of your beef solved. So Elliott, great front name.

Kunjus up a PTA. PTA. Oh, there you go, the 80s for you. I was going to the House of Elliott. Oh, the 1926 for me. What type of Elliott were you thinking of, Glocky? I was thinking of 1950s Alcapone. Elliott Nash.

It's a very evocative name. How about Peter Elliott, the middle distance runner from the early 90s? We're still going with famous Elliott's to out the ages. If you've got a famous Elliott, then you like Deer listener. Why not send us a message? Okay. So, no details on how to send that message, but, uh, not so podcast work.

Yeah, just send us a message at Papi's tweet with your favourite Elliott. Oh, gold. Great. Gold, yeah. Sorry. But like, there's something about Elliott. George Elliott, it really ties us to Times. George Elliott. Great. It's gold yet? Sorry. But there's something about Elliot. George Elliot?

It really ties us to Times. George Elliot. Well, in that all people are alive at a certain time. Yeah, it's like, I know. But if, for example, I was going to say, Barry, you wouldn't go, I mean, the 1930s is Barry. You think of Barry Chuckle? So, sort of 90s through to...

Oh, OK. Yeah. Oh, OK. What does Elliot have to say for himself? Ellie, it says, are you, hope you see him out, find you well. Wait, he says, are you?

Are you? Well, are you why? And then, for O's. Are you? Are you? Are you? But, are you, should have a hate on the internet?

Are you? Are you, are you Elliot? Are you, are you Elliot? Which Elliot, are you? Are you? Are you Elliot? So anyway, are you Elliott? Are you are you Elliott? Which Elliott are you? So anyway, are you Elliott? Elliott's right. Oh By the way house of Elliott that was a banging series right great series probably do you think it was? Oh, I'm not saying it doesn't hold up. I realize it's you know that feels like it's ready for a sort of lush BBC one I've realised it's, you know. That feels like it's ready for a sort of lush BBC One re-make.

I don't know it. What is this? The house of Elliot was about two... 60 sisters. Who, man? ...run a fashion house in the 20s. Oh, flappers? Yes, please.

flappers? I don't know what you mean by that. The Charleston would have been there? Charleston would have been there. Yeah. So, two 50 sisters as well. Come on, Tom. That's what you call people who've done it to Charleston, right? That's right. That. Come on, Tom. That's what you call people who've done to the Charleston, right?

Oh, no. That's the answers, yeah. Oh my god, you're gonna go on. So, I'm up. Okay. Hope this email finds you well, does it? Yeah. Yeah.

Great. Hey, all. We'd have come his back from his medical low. Medical low. Yeah. To an all time high. My partner, aka flatmate, has become obsessed with house plants. Oh, nice.

Interesting. Oh, I already think good. That's a nice problem to have. Absolutely. Love house plants. We have over 100 different cacti, succulents, spider plants and ferns covering every single window sill. Okay. Every single window sill.

Every single window sill. Every single window, what accent were you doing there, by the way? Hey, all that was Georgia. Oh, on your mind? Or Russia Georgia. On my mind. Okay. We have over a hundred different cacti, succulents, spider plants and ferns covering every single window sill or flat surface in our house.

Doesn't that is not what you conjure up? The Eden project. Yeah, and this feels like, you know, in a film, like in the 80s or the 90s when like, say for example, big or like a cool person gets rich. Yes. And so they live in like a dream house. There's like a jungle room. Right.

He's kind of like, wow. Is it a greenhouse? Let's find out. They keep growing, having babies, getting replanted in bigger and bigger parts. Oh, so she's taking cuttings from the succulent and replanting, that's amazing. Like some kind of sci-fi film.

The good thing about succulents and cactyl all that kind of stuff is very low maintenance. I think this guy's living in a dream. This is great. They've even started making their way onto the floor. Oh, wait, now this makes it sound like they're gremlins. Yeah, I mean they're having babies. It sounds like water in them after midnight.

How do we have a, it's quite difficult when you're given the amount of succulents but not the amount of rooms because you're trying to... He lives in a 200 room man. One every other room. They've even started making their way onto the floor taking up valuable room and presenting a serious safety hazard to myself and any unobservant guests. That's true. Socks, socks, feet and cacti.

It's a bad mix. She will not stop until our entire house House, it's an urban jungle. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, in a crawl twist of fate, I am the one tasked with watering her foliage army. Oh, are you work from home? Ah, they're self-employed guys.

Oh, it's me. You're preaching to the choir here. I'm staring across the table at three self-employed guys. No surprise, they're all white and middle class. Am I right, dear listener? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're doing iTunes reviews for us. So we're all self-employed.

We all know the whole thing about you. Work from home, suddenly you get tasked with. Suddenly you've got to get the deliveries you know and Amazon comes around 15 times a day. I work from home and it takes me almost an hour every single week to satiate their need for water. Wow I'm going to put on my favorite words here to slake their thirst. Slake the thirst of the cast. Would you do that in one hour or would you split it over five days? It takes you an hour every single week.

Yeah, just do a couple of plans a day. You might be fixing this as we go. But also the thing is you then gotta remember which ones you've done. If there's a hundred plants, it's very much vertically. Elliot, Elliot, finish your thing. If you're saying them all.

It's driving our bills up. I don't know. It's driving our bills up. Yeah, what? It's driving his bills up. It takes what? It's driving his bills up. It takes me an hour every single week to say, Jay, they need for water. And it's driving our bills up. Please, Pappies, help me quell her green fingers, poetic.

Very poetic. I love Elliot's turn of phrase, but I'm still confused by why it's said. Well, we'll come back to the bills in a second. Please, Pappies, help me quell her green fingers before I myself, I'm shoved in a pot, doused in soil, sprayed with water and told to start growing.

A poet. First, I like the ten. I hope he hasn't spent any of his time at home when he should have been working right in this email. Love Elliot. And that's sent from the University of Nottingham. Oh. Oh, so there we go.

Why is he working from home? He's doing, if he's doing a PhD, he's not working, come on. Well, there you are. There you have it. That's a big question, isn't it? Is a PhD actual work? I'd say probably is. I mean, there you go.

The weakest member of Papi's case is. Why does nothing do we mean being woke? Just a quite hard to get a doctorate. I'm a doctor. When I'm broke. The broken, the broken, the broken, the broken. Yeah, I think that, I think, I think his time is probably precious, but I'm sure he does have quite a lot of it.

I think being at home and being asked to do stuff when you're meant to be working is very frustrating. Yes, that is frustrating, but it's, it gets to live in a, in a home jungle, an urban jungle. That's true. Pretty cool, right? Yeah, I mean, yeah, and the bill thing, I'm Pretty cool, right? Yeah. And the bill thing,

I'm still very confused. Let's talk about the bill thing. So is it water? Is it the water? How much water is he using? Because it's also as well. It's a cactus. You don't get done for water though, do you? Just play a piano, flat paper, don't use nothing out of water you use. No, unless he's heating the water for the cactus because they live in the desert. Hot water for a cactus. they live in the desert hot water for a cactus I've never heard that take before but it's a it's a good idea. I know it's a correct idea But I like it. I don't know why are you boiling a kettle and throwing it over the plants because There's a good chance you're gonna kill him, right then

They're not surely turning the heat up to create the right temperature Thank god Are they creating a genuine like a hot house like rooms in, like in Q Gardens or something? That could be what they're doing. I think that's what they're doing. Or, I don't know if this is you need this, do you need those, you know those lamps that people that grow their own cannabis have?

Hang on. Oh, I wouldn't know about that. I think, have we stumbled onto a weed farm? Is Elliot Mike Staler? Is that what's really going on? Do you think, does Elliott know? Like he's like, oh, these plants, what on the earth?

Where the heck? He's really gone in for this in a big way. Oh, I've got, he's living in a cannabis farm and doesn't realize it. Yeah. This is like a, this would be like a breaking ban tar thing where it's like breaking good. Yeah.

You unwittingly has married a drug baron. Well, is this not a solution as well? The obvious solution is if you're pruning them off and you're making, even if they're not cannabis, if they're cactus, if you're pruning them off and making new plants, cover your hours work a week, whatever Elliot would be being paid an hour by selling that many cactuses and then you aren't increasing the amount of cactus you're enjoying

growing the cactus. Open a little cactus shop. Exactly put them on the road like strawberries in the countryside. Yes. Fingering cactus. That's great. Pick your own cactus. Pick your own cactus. That's the sound very freely. Pick your own cactus. You'll need to wear a quite heavy duty glass to pick your own cactus. But that's actually not a lot of fun. I'm bothered. He's bobbing for cactus. What? The littlest cactus on the right.

I know it's cacti. Could, yeah, could you do that though? Could he set up his own cactus stall? I don't think he wants to. That's going to be more time. This guy's a PhD. He's got a few years of PhD. He is a PhD.

He's going after a bigger things. It's already costing him an hour of his week. Get up an hour earlier. Do you have high splints? Do you feel like? Yes. I've got one. Just the one. Yeah, I discovered that this week because we had to take it out when we were having our house fumigated for moths. You didn't know it was there. I hadn't really considered. You don't engage with everything that's in your own house. Yeah, you've got a boy, he's a gift. It's a classic gift. It's a classic gift.

We often get houseplants that we then slowly kill. We kill either from over watering, or under watering. I can't ever find a sweet spot. I can't ever find a sweet spot. So what we've done is we replace them all with plastic. So we've got loads of plastic houseplants now. Oh really? And I don't think you can tell.

But then you're saving an hour or a week? Yeah, absolutely. I've got a houseplant that's like overly active and it's become a bit like a house pet. So you wake up in the morning and it's sort of crawling across your face. It depends, it depends. It's totally just. It's starting to invade my space basically

because it's one of those rubber plant things that like a cheat sponge I think it is. Oh yeah, but it has. Give them any bloody cheeses. That's why I'm wearing them. So it grows very excessively towards the light. So where it originally was, was on top of the Chester Draws by where I sleep.

And then in order to get to the light, I have to grow around the corner. So it started getting in my way on the way to my Chester draws over the course of like two weeks. Sure. And then I've put it by the sofa and now it's reaching over where I sit.

It's like it's constantly, why do you keep positioning yourself between the plants and the light? I feel like I need my light. Do you think it's in love with your girlfriend and it's trying to, it's like, yeah. Well that's how it feels. It feels like the third person in the flat

and she talks to the plant a lot and she kind of waters it and it always feels like the third person in the flat and she talks to the plant a lot and she kind of waters it And it always feels like I can't get along with this thing This feels like it feels like it tells me I expected or something like like you're gonna Yeah, like it's gonna get closer and closer to you and then one day it's just gonna You know, it's gonna be up on your up on your face and then it's gonna fall off and die and then like plants are gonna burst out Your chest like an alien or you're gonna wake up one day and it's gonna be like wearing your clothes Yeah, I'm gonna come home and you're gonna be in the pot watered like like Paul earlier I think it's gonna be. Right well that's it so I say to

alien get rid of these plants. They're definitely muscling on your relationship. It's just gotta be you and her you know get rid of this shit just focus down. Get in there with a flame thrower, like in that alien movie where she finds all the ones that didn't work and just flame thrower's them all. Plastic plants. Yeah, plastic plants instead. What would Greta say?

I'm assuming it's good. Does that count as sing plants? Does that count as single use plastic? Please stop doing Greta's voice. That's quite good. I suppose it is single use, but as long as you don't throw it away. That's true.

Single use forever. That's fine. Plastic plants, I don't's single use, but as long as you don't throw it away. That's true. Single use forever. That's fine. Yeah. Hmm. Plastic plants. I don't know about this, guys. It's fall. And you can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost. Almost anything.

So no. You can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes? Yes. We can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost. Almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See after details.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot for it. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th. Clarke, the dissenting voice. Well, I think, you know,

the more extension rebellion. The more plastic bloody boat. The more plants are better. You guys. Is that how it works? Generally, yeah. Here's the thing though. The more plants, but the more energy bills. I don't understand the details.

If he's turning the heat ups I think he's just lobbing in an extra reason now. I don't see there don't see he's turning up the temperature for them You buy a house pants for a reason. We've got an aloe vera plant. They they're They're used to like their the desert and stuff, but it's fine You do keep your house nice and toasty. They don't you it's just, oh, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it pet. Get her and we've got a cloud of green fingers right. Get her a green pet. Get her a chameleon. There we go. There you go. Get a nice or get some sort of gecko or lizard or something like that. He takes on the shape of plants. I tell you that's quite our chameleon work. Sure, I'm pretty sure it is. Yeah. Get her and I was funnier by, I guess. And

there you go. Communion of the all things. Sure. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball.

A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball.

A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. A rubber ball. No, yeah. I just don't buy that people would like a plastic plum. Comelions. Oh, comelions. Yeah, buy that.

We've got comelions. We're two steps ahead of you. You get a comelion, they'll turn into the shape of a plastic plant, beef sold. And what if I'm still plants? Just bin them. Bit of off, mate. Yeah, it's not going to be after me that. Jack, please, please put them somewhere else.

Put them in the park. Yeah, absolutely. Let's set them free. Set them free. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bye, that.

No. Be from the starting, I can be saved. This is from Simon. Hello, Simon. A very bland, front name. I'm afraid. Oh, doesn't come out of time. Doesn't come out of time.

Doesn't come out of time. No, doesn't come out of time. But I don't know many, Simon. Simon, just a hundred a time. Doesn't conjure up a time. Doesn't conjure up a time. No, it doesn't conjure up, but I don't know many simons. Simon a garf uncle. And that's Paul Simon. I'm just saying. Basically, there's only one Simon. And the only Simon it's conjured up is a Paul. It's a good point.

Which also, very bland name. Simon Lebon. Simon Lebon. They're all flooding in now, aren't they? They're like really. You're trying to pin it really out. Oh, it's a time as a person. You're trying to pin this time into the in now, are they? You're trying to think really, I took later time as a person. You're trying to pin this time into the 80s, are you?

Simon from DjangoRan? Oh, that is Simon LeBan. Oh, gosh. So Simon writes, my girlfriend is still annoyed one year later that I accidentally- Oh, I lose. Lovely. I'm opening shut clothes, big guys.

If you're still got issues in your relationship after a year of it, it'll happen now. happening, let's find out what the issue is. If it's a year later, she's still going on about it. Because I accidentally acquired a piano from off of a Facebook group. She's annoyed because it is big, She's annoyed because it is a piano. Now, the Facebook group was a group for the Oldham Music Service and a quite well-to-do lady. Oldham, yes.

And a quite well-to-do lady offered the piano free to anyone that could collect. The house I collected it from was so posh, the street had a gate on it. Okay. Straight off the bat. Straight off the bat. I like Simon's instincts.

Yes, it's not how I imagined it. Something's going free. Oh, I love that. That's the knee-jow reaction there, isn't it? Simon's something large. Do you want something large? That's free. And it's like anything on the sides of a piano.

Is the twist here going to be that it's stuck in the gate leaving the street as well? No, no, he's gone up side of only falls and falls. He's got it home. He's got it. In fact, he says, the piano is now in our lounge. Beautiful. It's in our piece. It's an upright.

It now has the veneer on two keys broken after my girlfriend, and he's putting in verse of commerce accidentally. Oh, no, no, he's put girlfriend in no commerce. Girlfriend accidentally dropped a radio on them. My name is Simon. My girlfriend's name is Gemma. Video killed the radio star.

And the radio killed the pianist. Beautiful. Lovely stuff. She's dropped a radio on it because it's another way of creating sound. Yeah. As if to attack it with... Yeah.

We've got music in the house already, Simon. Yeah, that's much. Smash. The song's about music. It's better than Chopsticks. Yeah. He said, I played the piano 20 years ago, I didn't practice very hard.

Should I get rid of the piano or her? God, what a waste of time! He's got him bigger than you! I admire this man. This is exactly what Winniecombe said at the start, you said, Benner off at the start, he's throwing it down real. He realized, what? Piano or lover?

Let's get into it. Well, there are 50 ways to leave your lover. Paul Simon talks it. Um, I'm by a piano. I'm Joe. There are 50 ways in that song. No, by a piano. I'm Joe. There are on 50 ways in that song. No, that's seven.

Yeah. How did he get the piano back? Did you ask him? No. How did he get it back? I have not asked him that question, but... It's pretty key for you, isn't it? Well, you just find it pretty key.

Um, two of them aren't very pretty keys after they broke. Um, I... I would like a piano in my house. I think your house would suit a piano as well. Can you play? No, but will you play? But I could learn. Yeah, nice. If you had the piano, would you learn another problem? He played 20 years ago and he didn't practice very hard and it doesn't seem like this is an active piano. So it's kind of being, it's being wasted. The only action it's got recently is having its keys broken. It's basically been kept as a hostage in their house, being tortured, surely give it to somebody you can actually play. Give it to Whitacombe who's got the desire

to learn. I think it's very sad having instruments that they get played. I agree. Do you think you have books in your house that you're never going to read again? Oh yeah, 100%. But then I don't. Lovely, lovely cat and argument. That was swift and brutal. It was swift. I enjoyed it. But the more you pick it apart, the more you go, yeah, but it doesn't stop me reading ever. No, I think that they're, they're, you know, they're a good homes for, for instance, yeah, where people would really appreciate and play them. And that's could be the same, the same truth for books, but I think to a lesser degree.

We're talking about something that retail would cost hundreds of pounds that sat in someone's house. Just click it. This was a free piano. Yeah, I like that. It was big, it was free, and he took it. Yeah, but my, I love that instinct. My guitar was a free guitar.

I love that, too. Do you want something on the street? And if it's there, you just think I love that. I do, I do, I do, I do, I don't.'s there you just think I love that I do I do I Never take it, but I always feel like I should I used to do it a lot when I had a paper round because you'd always be out first on the streets Yes, and I would Sniff I bring The best thing I brought home though yeah from the paper round

The top of a parking The top of a parking machine. What are you kidding me? What? A parking meter? I bought one of those. The council was selling them. I bought it for a five-hour. Had it in my hay in my room.

Here's what happened. Somebody knocked the head off this and it was just in the street. And so me and this was this. Was it full of money? Yeah, full of money. Cool hand-look. Is that what they're doing? I'm not seeing you at Cool Hand-look. How do you get he gets arrested at the start. That's why he sends him to jail.

Because he's got hand Luke. This did your town. Wow. And dropped off his parking. So I had the top of a parking meter and me and my friend Alarick, who lived in a flat. Alarick. Alarick. Really condes up a time. Because what the time of the Visigoths. And the 90s for me. But me and my friend Alarick, we took this to his flat and then we sort of kept throwing it off the balcony and seeing if it would smash. Calm down Keith Mo. And just to see if it would smash open,

we could feel the coins in there. Nothing was coming out. We got my dad's power tools, tried to drill into it, couldn't get open. In the end, a little corner opened up a little bit and 20 p came out, but we couldn't get... You don't have days like that anymore, do you? I'm gonna find a parking me when that's your day.

That was my entire day. What are you gonna do today, man? I reckon I'm bashing around a parking me, trying to get a quid out of it. It would be a tightness. It would be quite bleak though, if at your age. Or any of our age. Well, no, you can't do it anymore.

I wish it was the lack of parking meters. Well, no, it was kind of like lost days where you're gonna go like, you know, me and my cousin spend a weekend building a crossbow. Can't do that anymore. Yeah. Well, that's a dead lead to prison, though. But, yeah, he did go.

You do it a 10 stretch at the moment. We need to talk about Gagsey. Yeah. But why did you do that crossbow? Was unforgivable. Crossbow! And, y'all. Yeah, I had a parking meter in the corner of my room.

Did you? Yeah. That's what I need to garage. I remember it. I remember it well. Yeah, great. Pretty cool. Yeah, I remember it on it in the corner of my room. Did you? Yeah. That's what I need to garage. I remember it. I remember it well. Yeah, great. Pretty cool. Yeah, it's a really cool room.

I'm going to rent it on it. Yeah, I'd like to walk around the seat, cancel on it. Oh, no. Just think, what a great idea to have. I used to be a big fan of just objects. Yeah. You used to have them on the seat. When you were a teenager, it's really exciting to get

something like that in your room. Yeah, I used to find out the council selling parking meters. I think it was in the express and start. Thought here we go, let's get down there. I love the news about it. I used to have two Wester's source bottles. Step to the side of my door frame, do you remember that? Yeah.

One of bright and one underneath, and I'd fix the drawing pin on the back and fix them into my door frame. I thought it was very beautiful bottles, the Wester's source bottles. You mean your door frame? Love my bedroom. So I guess you're going to my room.

On the left hand side, there was two Worcester sauce bottles. Just stuck there. You also had as well, I remember, we're not probably in your 20s, mid-20s. You had a giant pair of wife fronts as your curtains. Yes, you remember that, that's right. Clarke's mom had made them. Well, like, church wife fronts to your curtains.

Yeah, we used them as a prop in a play. In a play. Oh, yeah, they were like these massive wife, France, Duke, her, yeah, we used them as a prop in a play. In a play. Oh, yeah, they were like these massive wife fronts. Are we talking like, what play was it? Six foot nameless. Six foot. Right. The real twist on the, to be or not to be speech.

LAUGHTER And, yeah, they fit perfectly out of my window. A little bit of novelty for you there. Absolutely, you bring a girl home. Look at these big pants. And, oh, look at these big pants. Yeah, in fact, it's bad when you bring a girl home. Look at these big pants, and I have a look at these big pants. Yeah, in fact, because bad when you bring a girl, I was just wearing white pants because of perspective.

It's quite a cool trick. Yeah. I think when you're a kid, you don't have any stuff. So you're sort of desperate for, you know, you don't have any stuff. So any stuff you get is so covetous. Yeah, and also there's like identity to it as well.

You're constantly searching for cool things for, I'm just always from, like getting like a glass Coca-Cola bottle. I was like, that's so cool. Permanence, that's going in my room. Also, it feels a little bit contraband as well, like stuff like the parking meter. My friend had, his brother had his room all done up with the lights that you get off roadworks.

So anytime we saw roadworks, he would cycle his bike late at night, nick them the ones that flash. Very dangerous in the end, and it would light up his bedrooms. They flash for about a week. Oh my god. So you'd have his light in his bedroom. That's nightmare-ish. It was great. It was like a raven in his bedroom. It was brilliant. We had like a style of silence. When I was a uni, there was a place called which was like a kind of trendy cafe

before trendy cafes. Okay. And they had a sandwich board that was chained to a pylon, and we tried to steal it when we were drunk, but it was chained there. And then my mate, I lived with, went and bought, he was doing engineering, so he had like wire cars. Oh! And he cut it off and we had it in our lounge for six months.

Outlaws. Yeah, so exciting though. Yeah, that's what it's all about. I bet they would live it. Yeah, understand that's a stealing actually. Are they still in this? Yeah, they are. They actually expanded beyond our effort.

It was the making of them. It was the making of them. Exactlyley. There's someone think the sandwich board We're gonna have to be bigger and better than this or they were like lots lots of people would just be around your house game Oh, I don't know why I've got a real hankering for a cafe Are you honestly doing cappuccinos? And this Nadir when on to become Subway. It was the making of the fact. It was the making of them.

Now, obviously Simon has a name- We can beat the name of the cafe, just in case Josh gets in trouble. They'll put it in a sign, they'll put a sign in the middle of the goes, Josh would have kept stalling that sign. Try to ask the one he does that in a sign. I have to go and steal that sign. We'll have to see, cancel'll be putting signs up saying Tom Perry bought one of our parking meters. I don't think so.

The expression is, are desperate for articles, I think you're probably... Oh, one's bought. Similar thing. Yeah. When Plymouth knocks down the Linter stand, I bought one of the seats. Beautiful. Now that's ten pounds, and then I had to take it home on the bus from Plymouth, and then what did you do with it? It's just in my bedroom, you can't sit there. It's just a total waste of your time. Why don't you got it? Actually, it's not all that. I've got a memory from this that cuts deep into my childhood, which is junior school.

I had sat at the same desk for two years, wooden desks that tops lift up. Yes, like in the evening days. Like a farmer's school in the Victorian time. Yeah, exactly that. No wonder you're so into the house earlier. I still have a little bit. And so it's all in Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days.

Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days.

Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days.

Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening. Like in the evening days. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening. Like in the evening lifted up. That was, those were the days. Great. Scored, you scored us. And I had graffitied relentlessly, that was, you know, I'm a dude, lah. So I do it all the way and it was like, for two years, that was my, there it was. That was your canvas, yeah. That was my canvas.

They had naped at the end of term. They said, we're replacing them with tables next year. So we'll be selling them five quid for your desks. Everything's five quid and more. Everyone's five quid and more. Everyone's five quid and more. I'm the only one who's having a handy five. So I said to my mom, can I buy my desk? She said no.

We've got nowhere to put it. And then I said to my dad, cannot buy my desk. And he said, I don't think so. And I said, look, we could take the legs off. And he said, storage under the bed. That's a great idea. Let's do it. So we bought it, took it home, and my mom said,

what have you done? And dad said, well, you have decided to take the legs off. And she said, I told him you couldn't buy it. I only got to you. So then we had to drive back to the school and return the desk and get the five pack. I felt like I was saying, like, goodbye to my aunt. Yeah, I would have been, I mean, it would have been. Could buy two of my written now, innit? Yeah, would it be? I mean, would it be? That's a bold, stabbered story. That's a fact.

That's really got me that story. Great, great, great parenting, I think. Well, that's it. You have to play for, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, my mom didn't budge, you know, I respect her for that. Yeah, that's amazing, the man you're on today. Well, that's it, I felt really guilty

because I put my dad in that situation. Yeah. My dad still is always in that situation, literally. I called him last night and said, like, I've come in home, can I stay at your house? Mom and Ted were like, dad was like, no, we're not going to be there. Sorry, son.

And then my mom called back and said, we are going to be there. Your dad doesn't know what we're doing tomorrow. My dad was like, sorry. She's under my control. She's absolutely done your dad in the way that he... She's done the same trick, yeah. She's, and she gets away with it

She does know what's going on. No, my dad doesn't anyway So anyway, so anyway, you're not trusted to stay in her parents house without them that The days of the house party that what what Tom didn't tell you is that I've found another parking meter and we just want to throw out the window Just need a place we were not known so look items like, it feels like it's a get, isn't it? This guy's got a get. So you appreciate Simon's, but then what? What else you so, I'm so sorry, it's about Simon. What, sorry, just for recap, I have no idea what was.

Yeah, that's been so long ago, what is it? What I'm saying, Simon's got a get here. It's got a piano. Oh, the piano, yes. The piano, yes. It's a good reset. He's got a get, Simon's got to get here. It's got a piano. Oh, the piano? Yes, the piano, yes. It's good reset. He's got a, he's got a, he's got a good find. But I'm not talking about the piano.

All right, I'm talking about the love of his life. Oh. The piano. Because as piano, free pianos, they rarely come along and when they come along, you've got to take them. But so does true love. That's true. And also as well, there are plenty of wonderful people out there.

Any one of us could meet a wonderful person tomorrow, but it's hanging onto them and treating them right. And you know what, treat them upright. Treat them upright, exactly. It's the same with the others. You can, you know, get in that person and just keeping them there to gather dust. That's not what life's about.

You've got to play them. You've got to play them. You've got to finger them. How about... Oh, Jesus. Oh, come on, dear. Come on! I was really dancing around that.

Tickling the old... I raised. You've got to tickle the rive, rees. So... Lover? Or... Lover or piano? Or or piano where do we stand? I think you can start with the lover can't he just sell the piano by

some little by key tar a little less of trusive and then when he gets good on the key tar maybe she'll want the piano the key tar will make you definitely what definitely want to I know the key tar is the worst instrument in the world, isn't it? Do you think? I could see you playing a guitar. I think you'd be good on the guitar. I'd prefer the blowy pianos that day.

Well, the melodic plays. Yes, please. Of course I do. I just feel like I'm contributing. That's the reason. Yes, please. Yes, please. Be nice and low in the mix. I've got a great suggestion for Simon.

Yes. 20 years ago, he played the piano. He did? That means give him two weeks of YouTube tutorials. He can relearn a really romantic song. Yeah. Always a woman. That's great.

Billy Jobs. Yes. Right, for example. She comes in. It's her birthday. It's an anniversary. Hell, maybe it's just the first day. He's at the piano to her, he's singing to her. She starts to cry, goes into his pocket, there's a ring. Oh my God, it's happening. It's happening. When she's picked up from a place going for free.

And I open Facebook group, suddenly that piano becomes a part of their history, becomes a story. he manages to mesh those two things together. That's what he needs to do. Serenade, my friend. I think that's beef-side of that. That's gotta be open-shut beef-case. Open-shut close beef-case. Beef from the starting, I can beef-side!

Josh, you have a flat-share-based beef that you would like to share with us. Let's hear it first, we'll have a chat about it and then something very special's gonna happen. What's gonna happen? Well, let's find out, let's hear the beef. Oh no, I don't wanna be surprised. Oh no, I'm gonna be surprised. We're not gonna play you always a woman

or if they're on the piano, don't worry about that. I'm gonna find joy with that. Okay, so I actually thought this one, we were here, I thought this is actually a genuine issue. Very good. So my girlfriend, I think when we decide we're gonna go to bed, I think she rushes through maybe pouring herself water and collecting her stuff to get upstairs so that I have to turn off all the lights. Right. Oh, great. Right.

Okay, so you. That's a really smart tactic. So we'll be watching TV and should we go to bed? I'll be like, yeah, yeah. And then I'll be like, I'll stay watching TV for another minute and a half, two minutes and by that time she's already gone. And we're talking about, do you want to see the credits till the end? No, I tend to like, I'll turn it on to that.

You know that thing on Sky Sports where Gordon Stracken said the awful thing about Peter Fairly, that kind of program. And then I think this is rubbish. I'll go to bed. Okay, I mean, she's not missing the end of key programs to do it. No. She's not like nipping out. No, no, no, no, she's not like a football fan.

Football fan, football fan, to be the champion. To be the champion. Why is that? That's what she's not like nipping out. No, no, no, she's not like a football fan. Football fan, believe me, to be the champion. To be the champion. Why is that? That's what she's doing. Because we have quite a similar thing, actually. Yeah. But it feels like there's a slight, there's like a slight division of labour.

Because I know my girlfriend doesn't want to turn the lights off either. Because she gets scared. Because she gets scared. She gets scared. Oh, okay. Well, that's when the torch on the phone comes in. Oh, I think that's even scarier. Is it?

Only people on your chin go, walking around the house. A lit only by a torch is, that literally looks like you're in a horror film. That's true, actually, yeah, yeah. But I think I'm fine. I tend to just turn the lights off in the order that I'm making the journey to bed. So I'm never in the dark.

I don't turn the one furthest away off last. The thing is, we go turn the shed light off. And then I'll be ready for bed. We've got two lamps in the sitting room. So you're not turning off a light, we at night, we just have the lamps on. Yeah. So you're not, so unless you go turn the lights on,

to then turn the lights off and then walk out and switch the last light switch off, which would be madness in my opinion. You are, you have to walk through the sitting room in the dark. So would you prefer that your girlfriend was turning off the lights like say three times a week? Or do you need to? I don't need to route her out.

I feel that would be better. I feel like I would be able to do it as a team. That's what you're saying. Yeah, as a team. Or half the lights each. Yeah. Maybe if she's going to bed, she could do the kitchen on the way to the bed, so that I've only got to do the...

Okay, turn off. I'd say what would be worse though, if she turned off all the lights as she went when you got to that. Yeah, that's what I just left you sat there. You were the one who was walking and stragging. What, she was telling me she was primarily under the gulls. Okay, well, she'd get you a water.

Well, it would be a more of a refilling of the current water, so no she wouldn't even do that. She just gets herself topped up and then debuts you guys. Scoots off. That's a statement. That's a real statement. Now obviously we can't solve this ourselves. We can't solve this ourselves.

Tom, you're going to pop off for a second, aren't you? Bye, everyone. Again, we've got a door't you? Bye, everyone. Good show. Again, we've got a door if you want to do that. Yeah, if you want to do that, if you want to do that. You're going to do that. You're going to do the money. That was the start of the top, get it up.

All right. Now, Tom's, Tom's last great that, don't you know? And coming in through the door is, well, well. It's Fanshawer Standin. Oh, yes. Fanshawer Standin, providing and presiding. Now, the problem is, we had you outside the door.

That was our problem. We should have had you in the room. But... Hill, don't worry about that. You wanna listen. A door's a window. My friend. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen of the podcast. Hill said here now,

in front of my magic word candle. Wise. For, never understand these things. I tell where I'm from, we stand and shout into a can. Okay. Yeah. Stand on a pedestal, shout into a can.

So my daddy told me, but he was a strange man. Now anyway, well here and there about this here now now, predicament. Oh. A lot of you folks around here will remember to you, the train town massacre. Oh.

Hell yeah. It's gonna talk hell you don't. Train up to ran into town. Don't say train ran into town. It arrived on the rails that it was born with. I don't know. I'm no engineering man. I'm no engineering man, but you'll remember the great train massacre of train town. So words to those effect. Anyway, story goes, pair of brothers used to work on that their real road. One on the bridge, one nearby working to

junction. Man's on the bridge. Let's call him brother, John, brother, John's clearing the lines leaves debris, tango cans. Please drink responsibly. Oh, the brothers up on the hill operating the junction box. Trains are coming. The train town train on its way to train town. Brother sees the train. Brother looks at the bridge. Brother John's on the bridge brother Jones on the bridge Tango can in hand. Brother at the junction has one decision to make. Does it pull the lever? Let the train go over the cliff. Why have they got a lever with the train guys over the cliff?

There was a different time. Land hadn't been finished yet. Oh, okay. On the fun. Please give generously to the train fund. My dad used to say. Sadly, he was stood on a pedestal, and shot him into a bed. As he was a strange man, no one listened to him. So the train line had been finished.

Brothers got it, decision to make. Does it pull the lever? Send the train over the cliff. Does it leave the train the way it is? Takes out brother John. And then there, can's a tango. Well, brother did one thing, one thing only. He put himself first, jumped onto the line and tried to stop the train.

Now, as you can well imagine, that was an error. Train mode him down, went over over the bridge mode his brother down But he did think well, I don't know why But he put himself first before the wani loved Folly Terrible Gesture a bold gesture and it didn't go off the cliff luckily. Yes.

On the other side of the bridge, the train line had finished being built and there was another cliff. Oh, damn. It was a bridge to a cliff. Which is a phrase now in these parts, a real bridge to a cliff. So I guess that's my message to your girlfriend there. Don't jump in front of that train. Think about others as well.

I guess. Well, nice to meet you son. Good luck with that there. Train story. Bar. Oh, thanks. Oh, he's off. Oh, wow.

Wow, quick and a speeding train. Very thought-provoking. Tom he's off. Oh wow. Oh wow, we're quicker than a speeding truck. I thought provoking. Tom, great to have you back. Did it work? Did it work? Well, I just don't sign it. Like the door. It felt, it felt a half way, at the halfway point.

It was really worked. Yeah, I thought we were going to get a some right. It was an interesting element of it. Yeah, I made it. Maybe that's what it was. Put yourself first, but then it's folly to do. Yeah. Oh,, I don't think

playing a 7 front of a trainer is putting yourself. He's I mean literally. I'll be this. He talks him. I guess he talks him. He does. He does. He does. I think it's there's a lot to unpack. It feels like that'll and pick itself after a few days. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think scholars are going to be discussing that for centuries. Yeah. I wouldn't race to a meaning on that one, I think. Absolutely, my understanding. I would just raise to a cliff. Yeah, it's a real bridge to a cliff. It was a real bridge to a cliff. The story itself is a real bridge to a cliff.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, Josh, I hope that solved your beef. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully you'll be able to apply that in your in your day-to-day life I think it's for ever so far I'll try

That's not too girlfriend as you always say Be from the starting of your beef It's soft Plenty of open and shut closed beef cases So many open and shut closed beef cases That is a catch phrase that takes a lot of practice Yeah, it's not an easy one to remember And we I think we get it wrong during the episode as well.

So that's always good to do. I tell you what, I think it's very quickly going to become one of those catchphrases people using everyday life. I think it's true. And if you do use it in everyday life, please send us a message on Twitter at Pappy's tweet of how you used it.

Yes, we had excellent review left to us on iTunes. Muck Fantastic said, open and close, shut, beef guys, five stars, and then check this out for review. The boss, Hi Chris, can I have a quick word? Chris, yeah sure, is this about the data anomaly and walker accounts? Boss, yeah, what's happened? Chris, well, it's an open and closed shut Beef Case.

It's timing issue between system sources. It's a what? Open and closed shut Beef Case. Okay Chris, good work. Absolutely right. I cast it off. I don't know if Chris knew what he was doing here in this job, but if you don't know what you're doing at work, just throw it off-raise like open and close shut Beef Case.

I just think it's something that can really help you out in tricky situations. Absolutely, and what could help us out in tricky situations? If you also leave a 5-star review on iTunes. Absolutely right. We have a show at the Phoenix in Cavendish Square in London on June the 19th, which if you listen to this just as it drops, you should be able to still get tickets for. It's going to be a very special episode and we can't tell you why, but we would love you to come along and see that. Oh, we've got to get emotional.

Well, you'll find out why. I've got the Sesame Seed in my throat. This is very beautiful. It's really beautiful. Otherwise, keep on supporting the podcast. Recommend us to your friends and listen to Dears, who you think will enjoy yourselves with. I really panicked. I really panicked. I mean, this will be down. I didn't know what to say.

This is all good stuff, Tom, don't worry. We'll leave all that in. This podcast was produced once you've gone. I've sat here the entire time, just choking on a bit of something. I said we predicted about five minutes, you'll be gone. Basically, don't go before me,

because I'll be an absolute wreck. That's a good idea. I'll do my level best. I think the way we're both living our lives suggests I might outlive you. So I think we're all right with that. Few, thank God. So, this episode was produced as all the episodes are by our fantastic producer Emma Corsham.

Corsham team! Stay tuned folks for what's coming up in just a moment, which is the Patreon. The infamous Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. Cheers everyone! Bye! Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for the Neighborhood Watch Roll Call! It's all too much in the year of our Lord! In the year of our Lord, it's Lindsay Ward. I've got a right stonk on, John. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Like Oliver, he begs for a fee. It's wronged.

Bicby! What's his name, wronged? Wronged! Wronged! Wronged! Wronged! Bicby! Wrong there! Great to have you on board, wronged there! Zudalos! It's Christopher Forbes! I'd follow him gladly. It's Dominic McLadily. That doesn't work. It's Dominic McLaDally. That doesn't work, it's just his name. It's my girlfriend's brother, Tim Pugh. Oh! That's Tim Pugh. Is it that Tim Pugh?

It is. It's my girlfriend's brother. John Westwood. It's my girlfriend's brother John Westwood it's my girlfriend brother Neil Stewart brother's wife Robbins Trafford and that's actually true okay yo Peter Elliott stay the fuck away from my girlfriend's brother, alright? Yeah, it can go away. Oh, yeah!

Chill out. The room is a true. Do you know what? If I have to have a girlfriend's brother, I couldn't think of anyone nicer than Freya Richards. And now, my new girlfriend, Owen McKinstree. The only girlfriend's brother I know, it's Joe! He's my girlfriend's brother from another mother, it's Tim Mitchell.

It's my girlfriend's brother and it couldn't come any sooner. It's Edward Blummer. It's the best of my girlfriend's brothers mates. Brianny Bates! It's my girlfriend. I like the fact that we struggle with just rhyming, but now we've made it, we've grown ourselves an extra obstacle to make it even harder for ourselves. I mean, it's my girlfriend's brother's wife from another category.

It's a wrap-a-tee. I'm sorry, Anna, this is, you know anybody's girlfriend's brother's wife you are your own human being It's my wife from another life Trevor Clyde I think we've lost producer in the absolute There's so little talent on display right now And that concludes this week's... ...Naverhood Watch!

Patreon Roll Call! Roooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See you after details.